Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #384

Episode Date: May 4, 2018

This week on PKA, comedian, writer and actor, Christopher Titus, is on the show to recount all of us with his terrible, very damaged, stories from his childhood, after that Kyle explains the nuance of a MMF encounter to Taylor and the guys chuckle at Kanye West's latest Twitter trolling.

Painkiller Already. I'll be on Twitter till then. That's our beginning. Painkiller Already, episode 384 with our guest Christopher Titus. Kyle? Yeah, a couple sponsors tonight, Smart Mouth, Stitch Fix, and ExpressVPN. We'll get to those guys later in the show, but yeah, big guest tonight. Hello there, Christopher. Hey guys, thanks for having me on. I've been a fan for a very long time. I remember when your sitcom debuted in like 2000 or something like that. I was a freshman in high school, and I really loved it. And since then, I've always found your specials, always listening to you on Comedy Central Radio and stuff. So glad to have you on tonight.

Dude, you cannot hang with my level of ass-kissing because – catch this. I told my wife. I'll let you guys go ahead first, and then I'll – I'm so sorry. Seriously, bow to the king, let you guys go ahead first. And then I'll denounce it. I'm so sorry. Seriously, bow to the king. We normally do this show on Thursday. And I told my wife, hey, the show's on Wednesday.

She says, no, can't do it. It is your son's birthday. And then I said, but our guest is Christopher Titus. And she goes, okay, it's all clear. Yeah. I could get like 10. How old is your kid? 15. Your kid's 15. Yeah, screw him, 15. You know Yeah. I could get like 10. How old is your kid? 15.

Your kid's 15. Yeah, screw him. 15. You know, that's what I'm saying. That's a bullshit age. You don't get anything. Yeah. But.

Yeah, yeah. If 15's so, shut up. Just shut up. A Titus is on. That's so weird. 15 was a terrible age. You couldn't really go on dates because you can't drive. Hmm.

You're constantly wanting to fuck, but you can't get laid because of the date thing. And the kind of girls that are wanting to fuck at that age aren't necessarily the safest. Just to give you a vibe on how cool I am, that's when I got my moped and my freedom opened up. Not cool, but it was fun. Did you get a lot of pussy on the moped? Oh, no. Hell yeah. Come on, girl.

Give me a little push so I can pedal this thing faster. Get it started. Let's go, baby. Also at 15, you're hiding your porn. You're worried that people can see in your thoughts, and your thoughts are all horribly disgusting and weird. You had porn? You're writing.

My dad had a stack of Playboy magazines in his closet and they were old. Like there was like they had started their own little like like like groups of bugs in him. And so and I found them. They were just in the floor of his closet one day and they were like old 70s Super Bush craziness. And I stole like four of them. And he knew instantly like he like he was some sort of inventory, had some sort of like

alarm on him. And he was like and he came in and he's like, was some sort of inventory had some sort of like alarm on him And he was like any it came in he's like you know just make sure that Whatever girl I have over doesn't see them. Oh, okay. I wasn't gonna be asked that in the living room Yeah, so I had I had old weird porn though. I had old weird not weird in the sense that it's weird like Like creepy, but I had bushy 70s Dad I've always wondered about that from, I mean, I, Kyle and I grew up in the internet age where you could look up whatever you

wanted barely, but still. And back then, like when you had just nothing but Bush covering the whole muff, like, was there still an aspect of like mystique where you're like, I still don't know quite exactly what the pussy looks like. It's just kind of a patch of hair.

It may as well be what the pussy looks like. It's just kind of a patch of hair. It may as well be underwear. It looks easy. The wild wonderland of mystery. And then they started shaving, and then you're like, ah, okay. I don't know what I was expecting, but this isn't as great. You don't mind not that good looking either. So I'll be 32 in like a month.

So I was looking at porn and sort of like the dawn of internet porn, or at least it seemed that it was the dawn of internet porn. So every website – there were no dedicated websites that gave you free pornography, certainly not videos. If you got lucky, you had to watch the preview images for pay websites. And if you tried to delve deeper into the internet, you would end up in scary places that were full of viruses. So my mom's computer was just ruined, just ruined. She'd always try to get on to do work. And she's like, I don't know, what's wrong with this thing? It's brand new. It's a gateway. She's bragging about her gateway computer. And I'm just like, I don't know. I don't know. And why does the keyboard get so sticky all the time? You had to go to that place, didn't you't you man that's a weird place to go the dawn of internet porn was awesome right and i remember like so that was before they had figured out pop-ups and

the solution to that so you go to a porn site and you'd be like all right she's beautiful i'll click on her and then like 19 more sites would pop up and And it's like, ha ha, joke's on you. I can jerk off to these too. So we've taken a weird off ramp. I was talking to my dad's magazines. Now we've taken this weird, let's talk about internet porn. I've been really lucky in life. My dad taught me how to be charming enough around women

and asshole enough around women to get women. So I've always been lucky enough to get women. And my wife is the next Diesel Jeans model, so I'm lucky. Porn is not something I look at a whole lot. I was talking about magazines, and I like that you guys jumped right on the porn train and just kind of steamed cannonballed out to the history. What are you guys doing? Yeah. Right.

I'm glad we started this on a real classy high note. My fault. Well, I mean, porn's an important part of civilization. You know? Like, people have been masturbating since they got thumbs. Think about how little we'd get done if you couldn't beat off. You know, no one would have ever invented a microchip or gone to space if you couldn't get that tension off. Yeah. Okay, one would have ever invented a microchip or gone to space if you couldn't

get that tension off. Now we've gone further. Okay, we've gone further now. There would have been no cotton gin. There would have been no cotton gin at all had Eli Whitney not really needed to get his rocks off. Nice, guys. Exactly. I'm glad you kind of put the American, the Industrial Revolution all comes down to masturbation. He was standing in that cotton field jacking off, and he goes, I'd have ten times as much time to jack off if we could somehow get this goddamn cotton picked up faster. And he figured it out.

Alexander Graham Bell. He had to call. He goes, I'm masturbating too much. I need to call a woman. I need to come up with a phone. That was actually for phone sex when his wife was in Philadelphia. This has been the worst podcast I've ever agreed to do. And right before this,

you said that you got invited on a bestiality fetish podcast, and so we really struck hard. So I was on Twitter, and I'm always, you know, I don't think anybody oh care about i go crazy like my comedy i don't edit it but i make sure my comedy is uh is you know funny but on twitter i can rant if i want and this guy this i forgive his name even but he he was posting some funny stuff and it was just about whatever i was talking about and every once in a while i'd retweet him or like his stuff, and he said,

hey, I have a podcast you want to come on, and I happen to be in Pittsburgh or Philly, and he goes, I said, yeah, come to the hotel, you know, I'm a nice guy, you've been hounding me for a bit, so, you know, all right, we're doing the podcast now, so I said, all right, yeah, two o'clock, we'll do it, shows up at the hotel with this girl, and he goes, you know, I just want you to know that our podcast is about fetishes and stuff like that. And that was in the hallway of the hotel. I'm like, dude, seriously? I go like you didn't like that's that's what you put in line one of of the email, you know,

hey, I've got a fetish podcast. Do you want to be on it? You know, then you can make a decision. He waited till we had his equipment with him and we were in the hallway on the way to my dorm and I hit the elevator button and I said, no, guys, thanks, you. Thanks, and I sent him away. Now, was it that it was a fetish podcast, or was it the specific fetish that was the topic of the evening? I didn't know, man. I'm not an area I want to even put my name on or put my – like your thing is all about what is your podcast about specific?

We talk about current events a lot and apparently porn. Okay. See, I can live with that. Like my podcast, The Armageddon, I'm fine with that. People don't – if you like my politics one week, you're going to hate them the next week. That's what I try to figure out. I just don't know, man. There's just certain things.

If he was like, you know, we're a podcast. We actually really pro killing endangered species. I'd probably say, eh, you know what? I don't want to be on that one either. I'm good with that. This is awkward. I was just about to promote my podcast, which is about trophy hunting. It comes out this Sunday.

It's called Fuck You i'm gonna do it sponsored by ivory buddhas that we import from africa i went on another podcast i got invited to another podcast it was about flying and i went on this whole anti-owl rant on why they should be okay to kill and they're way too protected, because I'm sure they're assholes. Yeah, I don't know. They think they're better. The owls think they're way better than everybody else. I agree with you 100%. Just look at the way they look at you.

The derision. Give them the opportunity, right? Owls right now are what, like five pounds or something? I could fuck... Look, I don't pretend to be some sort of super badass, but I could kick an owl's ass without any trouble whatsoever. Weighs five pounds, has hollow bones. Take that owl, make it 30 feet long. Then you'd find out how big an asshole owls really are.

Yeah, birds only don't eat you because they're too small. They're all cunts. Yes, absolutely. Put your finger in the parrot cage. You know, I have a T-shirt that says all birds are cunts. How did you even know? You must have bought that off our store. That's a funny, hilarious, that's a weird-ass t-shirt for your podcast.

All birds are cunts. Titus, I got a question I've been wondering for a long time. All right, so it seems like every time a comic is with another comic, they know each other, right? You know, you drop on Rogan's show and suddenly, like, you guys have been traveling the same circles for ages. How does the comic social pecking order work? Is it based on, like, how rich the guy is right now, how funny he is to other comics, what kind of success he has, who's hot today? Like, how long they've been in the business. How does the social pecking order go

amongst comics? This is the weirdest, most meaningless question I've ever been asked. Well, thank you. I would say it doesn't matter. The great thing about comedy is that comedy has such a...

It's weird because it's not a respected art form, but I really believe it's an art form. And when I say that, I'm not trying to be like really heady about it. I'm just saying that everybody who does comedy has their own style, Chrysler style. Rogan style is really aggressive. You got Burr style and then you have Stephen Wright. So it's an art. I think in la it gets weird la everybody's trying to whatever you have that day is is is the order but there's no pecking

order i mean i don't i don't even perform that much in la because it could because of shit like that and it's every comic there everybody's so like amped up to be to be famous or do their seven minutes and the problem is that Leno said this years to me, uh, I heard it through Kevin Rudy. Leno said, nobody gets funny in Los Angeles. You get your seven minutes and then you do that same fucking seven minutes for 10 years. Um, uh, or you do a new seven minutes and you, and you, but you said, Leno said, get out on the road, make sure your jokes work everywhere in the country and then they'll hear about you and that's what happened i i didn't i didn't get any recognition in l.a i just went on the road

busted my ass work overhead light disco lights and the floor lit up so when you're on stage doing comedy for that one nighter they would turn turn the floor on. So you just look like Dracula the whole show doing your jokes. It was like – it was a nightmare. And he was right. I did all that. I got really good at stand-up. And then I threw it all away when I wrote Norman Rockwell. And after Norman Rockwell, it just changed.

But I would never have been as good as I was at what I do unless I just got on the road and really – I honestly beat the shit out of myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. And that's how you become a good comic. Do you think that goes for New York comics as much as L.A.? Or is there something about L.A. where it kind of inculcates them from the rest of the country

and becoming funny and far-reaching? Because I feel like I've watched lots of New York comics who kind of stick in New York, and they're hilarious. Or Boston comics, you know, but it seems like Boston comics, like Patrice or Burr or Robert Kelly, they kind of branch out eventually. Uh, is that, is that, that's like the style of comedy? Like, uh, yeah, I think, I think all those guys are road dogs.

Bill worked the road. Um, you know, uh, Robert Kelly worked the road, the best guys. I mean, Louis CK, people will go, Louis CK blew up Louis CK when I was doing comedy, when I kind of started comedy too. I mean, he was around like comedy, when I kind of started comedy too, I mean, he was around like a couple years after I started. So these guys all, anybody who all of a sudden, oh, and this guy's badass. Go back in history. That guy's done comedy for 15 to 20 years. You know, no one just pops and has any longevity.

Someone may pop for, you know, a year, but they fade out pretty quick. It's the guy like, know louis louis had those last three specials he did were phenomenal but he had 20 years behind him and 20 years of life experience and i think in my opinion more specifically 20 years of shitty life experience and i gotta say i hope you're not offended i think that's what makes you so funny you have had a rough life like like from the from from from from the early days of childhood up until now it seems like it's been a rough road a hoe right uh yeah mom was mentally ill uh dad was a raging alcoholic kind of abusive uh i uh you know i ran away when i was 12 but i didn't

just run away i didn't just grab a hobo stick and an action figure and walk down the street. I walked to the freeway at 12 years old, hitchhiked to the San Jose airport from Northern California, called my mom, got on a plane, and flew to L.A. That's how I ran away. I didn't fuck around. You actually ran away. What was the pitch that you gave to whoever the fuck picked you up at 12? Like, what did you say? I'm going to talk about it in the next special after Marageddon.

I'm talking about this because I had more shitty things happen with my kids this year with the divorce. So I got home. I'd spent all this time with my mom. And the weird thing when you're a kid and you got divorced parents, it's like this game show. Everybody's playing a game show. You know, let's see what's behind mom.

Let's see what's behind dad. You know, which showcase do you want? That's kind of how it works. So my mom and dad were kind of fighting. My dad didn't give a shit. My mom was mentally, he didn't care. So she had taken me on vacation to Idaho. We spent some time with friends.

We came back. I spent all this time with mom. We went camping, which to my mom meant sleep in the car at a rest stop. She had this 1970 Chevy Caprice and we slept in a restaurant. And you're a kid, so you don't think it's weird. You're a kid, so you're not thinking, oh, this is bizarre. No. So we did it and saw these friends, drove back to L.A.

My mom brought me back two days late. And it was a Sunday. I was supposed to be back on Friday because I had school on Monday. So my eighth grade year started. He came home to pick me up at my grandma's house because they had to do the hostage transfer. Parents that don't get along do a hostage transfer. I talked about that before. He comes in, and he starts calling my mom a cunt,

and he starts going off in front of my grandma. And I had this little, like, this thing I'd gotten out of a gum machine, and I threw it at him. And, man, my dad turned around. My dad was a big dude, 6'5", and he grabbed me by both my feet in one hand and picked me up and just wailed on me. So the next day, my mom would give me $20 in case I ever needed a call or anything.

So the next day was my first day of my eighth grade year. I walked to the bus stop. I got in the back of the line to get on the bus. I let everybody else walk on the bus. And then I just kind of turned and started walking down the street. And I walked about a mile to the freeway entrance in Newark, California, hitchhiked this dude, this gay dude actually in a, in a Chevy Chevette picked me up. And he was just like, he was like, he was really concerned. He was like, why are you

12 years old on the freeway filming? And I made up this bullshit story. Like, you know, the 12 year old brain is so insightful and so great at lying like a monster. So I – yes. I said – I said, oh, my dad has to work. He works really hard. He goes to work at 6. He just said, you got to go back to your mom's. Go hitchhike to the airport. I'll see you in a couple weeks.

And the guy didn't buy that at all because he took me to the airport, got out of the car with me, walked me through the airport, double-checked with the ticket people, and then walked me to the gate and he bought me an evil kenevil book evil kenevil is you guys know evil kenevil is yeah oh yeah he bought me this evil kenevil book and and i'll never forget that dude man he he was uh he just made sure i got on the plane he called my mom made me made me call my mom so he could get on the phone and uh i think mom i don't know if mom told him the truth or not and then i i went to la and then the court battle started and this is before they this is when they would let you testify at 12 years old i testified against my father in court jesus oh that's terrible yeah right jesus they have a look at his angry eyes the whole time like starting over

staring at yes and it was right around his birthday so before the court date i mom would take me to the store and i got him a gift and and so then i testified three to five dad here you go and then and then and then gave him the gift happy birthday dad uh and i lived there for two years and it was a nightmare and the time i lived with my mom we got evicted three times you know a 12 13 year old kid should not know the sheriff by his first name you know he would be would just show up and I'd be like, how's it going, Doug? Yeah, does furniture need to be on the lawn today or tomorrow? That happened three times. So then I moved back to my dad's house.

Jesus Christ. So if none of that had happened, if it had been just happy days from the very beginning, no mental illness, no alcoholism, you know, nuclear family staying together, do you think you'd be as funny? No, not at all. Right. Here's the thing. I actually don't even think – like someone will tell me – people go, you're so edgy. And I'm like, I don't think I'm edgy at all.

It's just what's funny to me. My dad got divorced six times, and he was a single father, and he me in situations as a kid where like i was just around adults all the time so i had this weird sense of humor because adults were you know adults talk a lot of shit i never had kid humor ever i never had a childish sense of humor because my dad was always really kind of dark and so i just picked up this weird sense of humor from him which he didn't agree like when i became a comic he was like how the hell do you think of this shit? And I wanted to just go. I lived with you for like 20 years of my life.

It just went down to six girlfriends. I mean the six wives and the 600 girlfriends. And like he would just – like I was in casinos. My dad. My dad. He'd go, we're going on vacation. I said, okay. So we go to Tahoe, and my dad takes me in harris

puts me in a harris casino they had a they had like a a big room at the bottom it was full of video games uh for kids and parents would just drop their kids off and he gave me like five bucks and left me there for five hours so what did you do for the last four and a half hours i just stand around i did i just you know you try to hope to god someone walked away from their game and and then uh he came around you know he just i think it was a different time man because at this point the same thing every time we went on vacation they would have a roll of quarters which is is that twenty dollars a roll a stack like still in the paper so they would prep prep for this they would we would go to the hotel and they'd be like well we're gonna need rolls of quarters and they'd usually have one for me and

one for my brother and they'd send us to the arcade and they would fuck and that was like how our vacations all started and at first i didn't know what the score was but eventually it's like yes they're gonna fuck then I remember on one vacation in particular the hotel classy place had a vibrating bed, so they're like You guys are gonna have to split one roll of quarters And they kept the other role for the vibrating bed Do you get weird sexual urges around change machines now that's that's crazy so he did that my dad would get roll the quarters and then make me do laundry at the laundromat that's what my dad used his roll the quarters for um and so i just lived in

a i lived in a kind of different world of not you know we we went i went to one boy scout thing like i wanted to join the boy scout so i went to one meeting and I took my dad and we sit through the meeting with all these dads and all this weird just these weird like Ned Flanders-y kind of people talking with their kids and we get in the car to leave and my dad closes

the door looks at me and goes bunch of fags you really want to hang out with these people and that was my one and only Boy Scout experience he just didn't want to drive you back and you really want to hang out with people that was my one and only boy scout experience he just didn't want to drive you back and you just wanted to make fires and but no they're just a bunch of fags he goes he just called them a bunch of fags you want a kerchief is that what you want son yeah you want a bunch of badges on a shawl parade around yeah no monday night we'd go without partners.

Where basically divorced parents would go to date other divorced parents. And all they would do is give their kids a roll of quarters. Back to your thing. And so we'd play volleyball every Monday night. And then we'd go to a pizza parlor. And he would just hit on women. And he'd always take someone home every Monday night. So I just lived in a different world, man.

And so the darkness never. And my mom was mentally ill. So it was shit. when I live with my mom It was just crazy all the time my mom used to drink a beer out of in the house She would have put a brown bag over a bike a tall boy In the house. I was like is this homeless practice mom. What are we doing? Like I know that's a beer like why why do you have a bag over? Was she like so used to being?

that's a beer like why why do you have a bag over was she like so used to being accosted in some way or another because of your dad or someone by the law that it just became habit of like may as well not have an open container in here because they're gonna bust in eventually maybe she was crazy my mom was manic depressive schizophrenic diagnosed so she she heard voices there were there were people that weren't there that told her things what As a kid, what was the craziest thing she ever told you that she heard, if she shared that with you? It's funny. Mom never did it to me. Okay, I'll tell you one thing that happened.

I'll tell you two things. Well, first of all, first thing that happened, Mom would go through these things where she was fine for. She also had a 185 IQ. She's off the charts charts like she could speak four language she was a concert pianist she actually would work for this company for called hollister steer for a while as a drug company and she actually studied they had this big book of drugs and what they did she started taking calls after the second month there as a pharmacist at the company and giving pharmacists advice on drugs they could prescribe people. She was a secretary.

She was not a pharmacist. I highly recommend this antipsychotic. I use it every day. Works for me. So she would do that. So one time we were living in Burbank, and she would drink. She didn't like her meds because she said this. I said this on one of my shows.

She said that it gave me – she goes, you don't know my highs, and you'll never know my lows. And it's just chilling the way she said it. So she would drink and then impound alcohol. One night she beat the shit out of my sister, and I had to get involved and stop her. And then the next morning – and my sister was I had to get involved and stop her. Um, and then the next morning and my sister was like, it was beat up, pretty like beat up. And, and I had to stop her. And then the next morning my sister got up and my mom was like, what the hell happened to you? And then looked at me and she goes, you beat your sister. I'm like, no, you beat my sister. And she cracked me across

the face of the kitchen. And I remember just thinking, you know, at one point when mom was crazy, you just kind of backed it down a little bit. Uh, you just got like, we're like, okay, mom, whatever I'm out. Uh, and so my sister had kind of had a rough life. My sister, I was lucky enough to have my dad. My sister was not that lucky. My sister was with my mom all the time and it, and it didn't end well, you know, no, we had to, you know, my mom, uh, I always, the joke I used to do is I, I have, uh have a half-sister from mom's second marriage and a half-sister from dad's second marriage, so I actually have one sister. Old jokes, very old joke. So yeah, darkness permeates, and then what I found out is I could write about my childhood all my life, and I could probably do four more specials just on my childhood.

But as I got older, other shit started happening. My horrible ex-wife happened. And now with my kids, you know, and I'll give you guys an update. What's coming next is that the next show I'm writing, um, is my children are 14 and 16 now, and they have both decided that they want to live with their mom. So I've been fighting for my kids for 12 years and they've decided they want to live with a crazy. So I've been fighting for my kids for 12 years, and they've decided they want to live with a crazy person. And so I don't see my kids anymore, which is going to be a tough one. Yeah, well, 14 and 16.

Oh, they're in the asshole years. That's what I was going to say. Can I just say, because I'm a little bit ahead of you in this game, my oldest is 19 soon, and they do get better. I swear to God that's true. And don't hold them too responsible for the decisions they make at that age. They're idiots. Yeah, no, I got it. And it's really exciting.

My new wife, Rachel, we've been together 12 years now. I've been telling her for a while, I said, they're probably going to do the same shit to me that I did to my dad. I went from my dad, who was like this, although he was an alcoholic and he was a womanizer, but the rent was paid. The roof was over the head. He wasn't crazy.

There was – I knew what was going to happen. With mom, I didn't know. Mom was literally – had been arrested a couple times for trying to kill somebody. She shot and killed her last husband. Like mom – and yet that's who I chose to live with. I chose – and I think my kids, they don't have any rules over there. So the new show is I'm going to tell that story about running away and living with my mom and talk about what happened there. And it comes all the way back around to my kids did it to me.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. But you got to feel like – do you feel as deserving as perhaps your father was for being ran away from you know like you explained why you ran away from your daddy held you up by your feet and walloped you like a like a foghorn leghorn cartoon and but i i mean is that i imagine that's not how you handle your parenting no no no no no but but you got to remember i my kids were raised in this participation trophy, you can do no wrong, you know, mommy and daddy are kissing your ass era.

So what happened was my son had lied for the fourth time at school. I went to school to take him on a snowboarding vacation. That's his life. And I went to get approval from all those teachers. And they all said to a teacher, except for one, five out of six teachers said, he disrupts class. He's not doing his work and he's lying. He's been telling me things are getting better.

So I did this thing where I was like, you know what, man? I'm walking to the car with him and I'm furious because he's been lying to me. This is like the whole year. His fourth time this year I caught him doing it. And he's 13 and I said, you know what, man? And in my head I'm thinking I'm an actor. And I just started going off on him and I swore at him. He's 13. I said, you're going to man up. And, uh, and I guess I scared him to the point where his, so then he went, we went, we went snowboarding. Everything was fine. And then, uh, and I, that night actually I went to his room and I said, look, I went too far today yelling at you. I'm sorry. It's the

only time it's ever happened. Blah, blah, blah. Went snowboarding. We came back, went to his room and I said, look, I went too far today yelling at you. I'm sorry. It's the only time it's ever happened. Blah, blah, blah. Went snowboarding. We came back, went to church on an Easter Sunday. I dropped him off at his mom's. Five days later, she filed charges saying that I had emotionally abused him. You know, she said a lot of crazy shit. And we had DCFS investigate it and everything.

And they're like, no, he just swore at his kid. You know, it got down to what I did. But when you have a crazy ex, I mean, the shit she said about me in court was crazy. She said I threatened to murder my son. It was the craziest shit. Fuck. Fuck. You told a judge I was going to murder them. How psycho are you?

So that's the next show That's the that's gonna be the next show do you ever wonder what do you ever fear perhaps even that there's something about you? that draws all of this crazy in Because I I've never known anyone who had this much mental illness and this much You know you much in their life. You could be the opposite of crazy. You could be the south of this magnetic pole, just attracting it. I would like

to thank you for blaming me. I really want to say that. I'm glad someone just went, no, dude, the one thing connected all of it is fucking you, bro. That's it, man. You can stop. I was on the razor's edge of suicide, and I want to thank you for kind of pushing me. I appreciate it.

I have these questions written down. I don't know if you can hear me right now. And one of them is, how crazy are you? And the other is, what did you do wrong? So we were on our way there. Well, maybe I'm the only one that doesn't think it's me i'm not that crazy i i found that um i did a thing called the landmark forum years ago because i was crazy for a long time i was a little bit um as comics that knew me when i started i was i was

not only was i incredibly aggressive incredibly hard working but like i was like was not only was I incredibly aggressive, incredibly hardworking, but like I was like I treated doing stand up like like an MMA fight. I got on stage. If a guy went up in front of me, I wanted to hurt him. If a guy was following me, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted I wanted that audience not to laugh at him. And that's a really shitty thing to do to other comics, you know. And it didn't and it happened to me, too. On the other side, it happened to me. I think you can create your own reality that comes back to fucking comics you know um and it didn't always and it happened to me too on the other side it got it happened to me i think you can create your own reality that comes back to fucking kill you so uh i am i crazy no man i you know i gotta i wish my wife was here because she would probably straighten it out uh yes i'm crazy to a degree i'm crazy within the boundaries of societal norms i will get uh at times you know my assistant says things

he goes you tightest things into existence and i go what does that mean he goes well the movie we didn't have a distributor we didn't have any any any money and i just told him i said look uh in a year we're filming this movie no matter what whether we have a skateboard with a go camera shit every week i need you to remind me. And so I just made that decision. That's how I, my crazy thing is, I decide I can do shit

that nobody thinks I can do, and then I do it, and then I'm a dick about doing that. That's where I, Darn. Become a therapy session. Jesus Christ I think I'm a little bit intense

people have told me I'm intense there you go let's leave it at that you mentioned the movie it's special unit right that's the name of the movie that's coming up so the premise of this correct me if I'm wrong is you're a detective one that's kind of on a shit list and I guess there's some sort of

new fairness practices act that comes through and they have to hire four special needs officers and here's the pitch yeah yeah i get it oh shit yeah he keeps dropping it's time to start the pitch over again i don't know if you know but your your connection drops and you freeze every so often oh is it oh i'm sorry we're putting the pieces together contextually though of what you're saying all right all right uh okay so uh due to the fairness and disabilities act the lapd has to hire four handicapped undercover detectives and i play nick nolte's mugshot. I play the worst cop in L.A. by far. What kind of disabled? Like full-blown retarded?

Cerebral palsy. We've got little people. We've got autistic. Actually, what I did was I even wrote this interview scene where we hired 15 different disabled people to come in and interview for the job in the movie. And there's guys, I mean, Travis is a little person and he's in a motorized wheelchair and we dressed him up like a cat burglar.

And we put all these, we put like magnifying glasses and shotguns and shit on his chair. So he thinks he's James Bond. If you look at the trailer, it's actually out. It's actually, you can see it on Amazon, Google Play and iTunes. We got 97% five-star reviews.

That's awesome. That's awesome. It sounds like The Ringer was funny, that old Johnny Knoxville movie, when they were rigging the Special Olympics for him, because you saw that all the retarded characters weren't, like the ones

who were actually retarded, weren't as retarded as you thought. They would play it up and ham it up and be like, I don't get it. Can you do it for me? And then they'd be like, stupid idiot. I like that aspect of it. I hope I see a bit of that. The cerebral palsy guy shooting people in the limbs. Whatever it's going to be. It'll be great.

Peter Farrelly. Just tell me if you lose me again, guys. Peter Farrelly helped. The weirdest thing like whatever it's going to be it'll be great yeah uh peter fairly peter fairly uh just tell me if you lose me again guys peter fairly helped p i the weirdest thing happened so i wrote the movie told everybody doing it i hired uh jackie flynn to play one of my my partner who i shoot in the first scene uh to save his ass from because he's such a lame ass undercover detective the drug dealers know who he is so i have to shoot him he just says hey titus uh uh i heard you doing this movie with disabled people uh can you text me back and i'm like and pete fairly and i'm like i look at my wife and i'm like holy shit pete fairly is is on my phone and and and i was whispering it to her. And she goes, he can't fucking hear you.

Because I was in the kitchen by myself. So I text Pete Fairley, gives me his number. I call him. I tell him what the movie's about. He says, can you send me the script? I'd like to read it. And I said, okay. Pete had a guy years ago, one of his best friends,

messed his spine up diving into something. And so he's really, if you notice, the Fairleys are the ones that always kind of do it right. They did a ringer. They produced a ring a ringer too so I sent him the script I sent the script I wrote and I'd written a really kind of an Austin he calls me had written really kind of an Austin Powers Austin Powers Austin Powers kind of really an Austin Powers kind of script. And he destroyed it. He he he calls me. He goes, really funny. And then he proceeds to thrash 80 pages of the script.

He pulled one thread and pulled one thread in the script and the entire story fell apart. So I had I called. We were already in production. We actually had we were like like four weeks away from filming. And I called up I called up my line producer and I go, hey, stop. And he goes, I have to rewrite this script. I'm going to disappear for two weeks. And we were flipping the fuck out. But he was right. The thread he pulled was – because it was one thread that was the entire –

the problem is that the bad guys – there's as many disabled people in the movie as possible. So all the bad guys were disabled too. Well, Peter Farrelly goes – yeah, so Peter Farrelly goes – he goes, do you think – your point of the movie is that they can be cops and do as well as everybody else. And I said, yeah. Then how come they arrested disabled bad guys? And I was like – and it just – and it lost a lot of disabled people their jobs. So thank you, Peter Farrelly. Wow. A lot of people had to ride their short bus home sad that evening. So we filmed it. And so Farrelly, the ringer, and he said to me, I go, why are you doing this?

I go, why are you helping me? You don't know me. I still haven't met Peter Farrelly. I only talked to him on the phone. And I go, I go, why are you doing this? And he said, because we got it wrong with the ringer. He said, the ringer, he goes, you got it wrong. And he goes, you're the first person I've seen to get this close to getting it right. So there you go. That was a long way to go. I could have just said that. Holy shit.

No, I like the detail, the deep lore, so to speak. Yeah, I'm going to check that out. I like films like that, especially if the same guy who did it did The Ringer because that's a great movie. It's like three bucks on Amazon, and it's really fun. Do me a favor. When you watch it, review it. Promise me you guys review it.

For sure. Will do. Definitely. Five stars. Even if I hate it, five stars. No, no, no. I sincerely doubt I will. Let me ask you first. Do you want me to be honest as i do my review on this because that's for me yeah never

mind that could turn out bad and i know that because i did my research we had a sponsor tell us to be as honest as possible they were called 100 food and it was this meal replacement shake that was fucking horrible horrible it tasted terrible and they said in the read be honest and so i was like this shit tastes like quick crete use it on your on your pavement use it on whatever and they did not re-up surprising surprising no but yeah here's what i know here's what i've done know i've done something well whenever you get a review like like some of the people goes because like this new show amerageddon amerageddon about, I want to write a show that can bring the country together. So it's all about politics, uh, guns and abortion. That's pretty much what it's about. And, uh,

cause I, cause I thought we were really inclusive. Yeah, we're not. Yeah, exactly. Very. Yeah, exactly. So what I wrote the show and every probably once or twice a week at the beginning, it was worse, but once a week it'll walk a couple couples and i think that's the right level for me if i'm writing if nobody walks out if nobody gets offended by anything i haven't done my job but if two people a week just like fuck this guy and they walk out i'm like yes but i want to walk people i don't want to stand hope the room i don't want to i don't want to just people streaming out but i I want to walk people. I don't want to Stan Hope the room. I don't want to just people streaming out.

But I do want a couple people to be to – I want people to be like, I'm a little uncomfortable with this. Where is he going with this? I like that part of it. I like that part of it. I think everybody likes that about comedy to an extent. Sorry. What do you got? I was going to –

But Carlin, though. Not everybody. A lot of people – I mean if you look at like some of the guys that never are controversial and they sell out. Jeff Dunham, Brian Regan. I mean – and I think they're both great comics. But I don't – Carlin was the guy, man. Carlin was the guy. Robin too. Robin would bang against it a little bit too. But he was just so lovable he could get away with anything. but he was just so lovable he could get away with anything but carlin man is is he's a guy where you just go even even i and i love carlin even time i was like this is fucking too far he did that last special he did he goes i like it when a lot of people die that last thing he did that they had to pull because he did it they filmed it like the week before 9-11 happened so it was it disappeared for 10 years i love that bit it's like earthquakes yeah oh yeah volcanoes tsunamis

i like it when a lot of people die that's a ballsy move for a comic so yeah man i uh i wanted to jump back to one thing about your your crazy family because that's just a magnet that won't stop pulling so you mentioned that your your mom ended up murdering her new husband was that at a point where you were like all right this is par for the course we knew this was only a matter of time she's so batshit crazy or was this like the final thing you that taught you how truly crazy she was to murder uh no and i live with her for you know my dad had been talking so much shit about my mom for so long um because my dad got me my dad got me when i was a little kid

and then when i ran away when i was 12 to 14 lived with her i realized how fucking crazy she was uh when dad called me to say hey i got a phone call call. Your mom shot and killed her husband. And I remember, and I wrote a joke for it in one of my shows. I go, and? Like, we all knew that was, we all knew. I'm not kidding. We all knew that she was going to,

she'd been arrested once before for attacking a dude with a knife that she invited for dinner. So there was a precedent. Oh, there's another precedent too. She dropped my sister off at my uncle's one year. She came up to visit us for my college graduation. My college.

I went to college. Sorry. For my high school graduation. And then she dropped my sister off with my uncle and then fucking disappeared. She disappeared for two weeks. And they found her in San Francisco about two weeks later in a doorway high as shit and drunk as fuck and she was covered in her own menstrual blood. I was used to, it just kept stepping up.

Then oh, she shot and killed again. Oh, on Thanksgiving too, wow. Then my sister told me, it's weird you guys want to talk about all this because this is all going in the next show. I just haven't written jokes for it yet My buddy, yeah, thank you. Thank you Sean killed him on Thanksgiving because he was abusive guy the joke I did in my old special was You know the guy was half OJ Simpson and half OJ Simpson. He was just a bad guy

and and he had be she had she had put the turkey on the table for like 15 minutes late for Thanksgiving He wasn't happy with that. So what he did was he he he he threw it across the room So she countered with a boiling pot of potatoes She just threw this boiling pot of potatoes at him and the joke I did my old special was a And if you look it up in the domestic violence desk reference, she was valid And and then he beat the shit out of her So she went upstairs got his gun came down and shot him three times. And my sister told me, this is a true story, man. My sister told me she shot him and he was dying.

And my sister goes, I better call the ambulance. And my mom stopped her and said, no, no, no, wait. And they waited until he died. And then they called the ambulance. She didn't want him to make it. So that's not even the worst. Do you's that's not even the worst do you know that's not even the worst story my sister told me she murdered my sister man my sister is uh um so my sister uh she she you know tragically took her own life uh you know she was raised by mom i

don't think the kid had a chance so she told me this story after all this happened we'd seen each other for a while she was living in florida and we would we would see each other on holidays and stuff and she when she was living with that dude i think idaho whatever and she was living with it that my mom was married to this guy and he didn't my he got my mama got my sister a dog and the guy didn't he get that fucking dog out of here he said and so all of a sudden my sister came home. My mom said, oh, you know, we had to give the dog away. And she was crying.

Two days later, the dog shows up on the porch and its mom had it was like sliced up. Mom thought she had killed it and buried it and it survived. Yeah, that's that's. Yeah. So when you guys think that I had a fucked up life my sister had a way more fucked up life my sister like at least the dog stabbed it and sliced it up with a knife and thought it was dead and then it it unburied itself and stumbled to the door yeah it's it's like pet cemetery part four and so so so my sister was my sister was raised in that and and so my sister really had never had a chance.

So when people say Titus, you had a tragic life, I think, you know what? I have weird stories and weird shit happened, but I had my dad, and it's weird to say my dad was – he still had this weird connection to integrity and doing the right thing and being honest. Not to women. Don't ever be honest to women, but to everybody else, be honest. Sound advice. Tying into Kyle's theory, right, that your fucked up childhood made you so funny. It's all me.

Was your sister even funnier early on when she was around? Was she the funny one? See, I was blessed enough to have my dad so i i found my dad was always funny like the darkest shit got like it was times when my dad we didn't have any furniture every time he got divorced i cleaned his house and he was always cracking jokes so i had this i was trained to be funny in weird situations my sister on the other hand wasn't because my mom wasn't funny so my sister became she became this poet and uh she would get she was obviously she got published too send me some of her poems and dude,

you ever read somebody's, you ever read something from somebody and you glance and it's so good that you glance into their soul for a minute

and it's really a dark, bad place. There was some, and some of them were beautiful. Some of them were like, oh my God,

like you'd be tearing up because of what she wrote but the pain, her pain came out in her poetry, you know? I'd rather be funny. Yeah, right?

Me too. Me too. Not a lot of job openings for poets nowadays. Not a lot. Those clubs suck too, man. No drinking. It's so pretentious. You can only eat chamomile tea.

It's horrible. I'm glad you mentioned the drinking. So that was kind of my next question. After just listening to all of that, I feel like I need a drink. So have you fall do you drink it did you and if you do drink do you have any fears of alcoholism because of your father's alcoholism at all yes uh i i fell into a bonfire when i was 17 uh because i was drinking i started i tell them i tell part i told the story in another show but i tell i tell another

story uh between at 15 i started drinking by the time i was 17. I was so good at it. Um, I was, I was so good at, I fell into a bonfire. AA sent me a certificate. I just said, wow. And then I said, we can't. Um, so yeah, I drank for a while. Uh, and then I fell into the bonfire and I stopped from 19 to 40 to from 19 years old to 41 years old. I met my new girl and we went out to, we had to dinner and I ordered water and she's like, why can't I have a drink? And I go, cause I fell into a bonfire when I was 17. She said, you're not 17 anymore. You're a grown ass man. And I was like, wow, okay. You're an alcoholic. And so, uh, but she's right. I can drink. I mean, I can fine. I'm not crazy. I don't have, I tell you what, I have a tendency if I wanted to, yeah, if I wanted to, but I'm aware of it.

Both my parents had it. Whatever that addiction gene is, they had it in spades. If you go to 23andMe, if you send my GNA to 23andMe, they're like, holy shit, dude. How many people have you killed? They just send that back. Yeah, that's was alcohol the one that you were always wary of most or was there like just all across the board addiction like gambling where you were like i'm not gonna i'm gonna be wary of that and be wary of cigarettes and weed and shit like like or was it alcohol

because of your dad uh gambling bores me uh gambling bores me i i don't uh no i don't have any i don't have it whatever it is and i't have any, I don't have it, whatever it is. And I honestly got, I think I have, I have all the ingredients for it, but I'm addicted to stand up in a way like, like I've on my eighth special now and I've already got my ninth forming in my head. Uh, I've written, written movies, I've written television shows. I think that's, I think that's been it. Like if you, if I had to say what has what has kept me from being a guy that's in rehab, it's comedy and writing and focusing on that stuff. Trying to use the pain to fuel whatever – trying to use the pain to actually – to clear it with writing and clear it with comedy because that's what it really has done. It's really cleared – because as we talk about my life, I realize, wow, I'm fucked up.

Like you guys have really messed up my day just so you know. Thank you. So you're a comic, right? And I'm not a comic, but it seems like all comics live a life of seeking approval, right? Seeking approval from the audience, seeking that applause. Like how much does that fuck you up? How much has that changed for you? Like a desire to get that approval as you've aged? Talk about it. It used to be all the time. I remember I would, before I'd go, I was so scared of being on stage, I would shadow box for 30 minutes before I got on stage. Does that help?

Yeah, I don't know, man, but I would do it all the time. And then as I got better at it, that kind of went away. But I had a thing, there was a thing for a long time that if I had a bad set, it would drag me down for three or four days. Um, and I'd write hard. I'd write, I'd stay up to four in the morning, fixing these fucking jokes that just be, you know, I had to blame the jokes, not that I wrote them. And, um, and, and you still have bad things happen. You know, you still have bad sets. Uh, uh, the movie, I wish we'd sold a million copies of the movie, but the reviews are great. So I'm happy about that. But you know, I, but guys, you're going to fucking fail. Shit's going to go wrong. It just is. Uh, but comedy sense of approval. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I did it because I never got approval from anybody in my life. I think so, yeah.

I did it because I never got approval from anybody in my life. But I remember at five, man, maybe not because at five years old, I can remember the day I made a decision at five years old that I wanted to be a comedian. I made a decision at five. Huh. How'd that go? Had you just been, like, beaten or something? Did you, like, kill it?

No, no, I was living with my mom. Yeah, dude, I was. What's with these Play-Doh shapes? Am I right? I'm only three. Snack time time i fuck shit up man i kept milk coming out kids noses it was insane i was so good um what i remember i when i first started uh i my mom i had all these cosby albums and cosby was a hero for a long time until he got really super rapey and then i just kind of took him off my list um but i would listen to cosby albums every night when i went to sleep and i was five

years old my mom i was living with my mom for a time or i mean i was staying with her for i don't know i don't i remember exactly we were living in this shitty like ground floor apartment in uh in burbank uh right off of victory and i was listening i had this little record player like the record player was so small that the record was bigger than the record player when you put it on, and see, the needle was way out here. And I was listening to my brother Russell, whom I slept with, from Bill Cosby, and I had this thought as a little kid that this guy's job is to stand in front of a bunch of people and talk. They laugh really loud at him, and everybody likes him.

And I said, that's what I want to do. And he's probably not a rapist. Yeah, he's probably not. Yeah, I didn't know what that was yet. So I decided at five and I started telling people and it's like telling people, it's a five, six year old kid telling people that he wants to be a standup comedian

is like saying, I'm going to be a cowboy. I'm going to be an astronaut. So nobody took it serious. And then I just kept doing it. I just kept, like, I was always trying to be funny. I would come up with jokes in my room and then wait for the perfect moment to say them to my dad's friends. And my dad's friends would always look at me like, what the fuck? Like, where is he coming up with that shit?

My dad's like, I don't know. But I literally was, I'd be writing bits in my room for my dad's friends. Is that weird? That's weird. I just got how weird that is. It's a little weird but you were playing to the only audience you had available you know right right exactly so so that's i mean in comedy and then but no you look no one says you can be a comedian so i wasn't going to

do it i was going to be a lawyer and then uh i did the senior follies at school and we i wrote this bit where uh we i wrote this bit about all the teachers and then i i wrote this bit about how teaching the if they uh teaching the next senior class how to trash can a freshman quote volunteer that we drug on sorry we lost you right at trash can a freshman i need to get that yeah yeah so basically it was a bit i wrote called trash trash kind of freshman it was my senior follies and we had we took a quote volunteer this kid we that i knew from school as a freshman we had hog tied him and we had duct taped him and we drug him on stage at the senior follies and then step by step put him in a trash can and left his ass on

stage and people it's funny because i thought i thought people knew that i wanted to be a comedian but when i got done with that everybody in school came to me and go dude what the fuck was that like we didn't even know you could do that that's crazy what you did um and then i got barely got out of school with the d's and f's and i i did one i then my dad and i were getting in fistfights all the time by we were like duking it and that summer, it was one of the worst summers of my life. Me and my dad, he would literally come home and go, fuck you, I'd go, fuck you, and we were fighting in the kitchen, breaking shit.

Had you trained at this point? Or that was later? Did I what? Had you trained at that point or that was later? No, I didn't have my black belt yet. No, no. It was just crazy fighting. So then I moved to my aunt's house.

And my Aunt Kathy, without her, I don't know what I would have done. I was working in a warehouse, and my aunt Kathy without her, I, I, I don't know what I would have done. I was working this warehouse, working in a warehouse and, and my dad taking my car away after I moved out and I was riding a 10 speed, like 11 miles each way to work every day. And, and, uh, and, and it was weird because I wanted to stand up and there was this in San Francisco, there's the radio station called the quake in this guy named Alex Bennett would have comics on all the time, Slayton and stuff. And I would listen every morning. And so what I did was I was, I think it was only 18 or 19 at the time. And I said, I'm going to go. I had my car, got my car back.

I said, I'm going to go to San Francisco and watch an open mic. Cause I didn't want to go. I didn't want to sign up for one. Cause I didn't know like, you know, what if I suck? What if I,

what if I'm going to shit the bed at this? So I drove to San Francisco, uh, and I sat in, I sat in the back of this so i drove to san francisco uh and i sat in i sat in the back of the room and i just watched an open mic and about five guys so i wrote it dropped 20 minutes about five guys something about yeah everybody i was like i'm already funnier than half of these guys i'm by the way to be a comedian you have to be mentally ill you have to be delusional you

have to think yeah right there you go you have to think i'm the smartest guy in this room i'm the most charismatic and i'm gonna run this room. I'm going to be the one. Narcissist disorder. So, and I just watched these other comics and I was like, well, I can do this. I went back home, spent the next two weeks. I wrote 20 minutes material. I thought it was 20 minutes and it was only five minutes.

I went back. It took me four weeks to get on stage. And when I got on stage, I don't remember. I remember. Please welcome and thank you. Good night. And that's all I remember. And I killed. And then the next four times I fucking tanked it, man. I thought I had this shit down. And I did my second, third and fourth times on stage. I ate it so bad. It was bad. I ate it so bad. It was, oh, it's bad. What was the difference? Were you feeling like almost, I might not be cut out for this after that fourth time? Maybe that first time was a fluke.

Nah, I always tell comics, I said, if you're supposed to be a comic, the universe will give you the first one. The universe will go, here you go. Here's a little bit of heroin. You become an addict instantly. You'll get one killer show. And then God in the universe just goes,

okay, now you have to work but they give you the first one first one's free i think the universe is a drug dealer when it comes to stand-up because i mean it was amazing i got a stage i was shaking i killed audience was going nuts on the first time and i was like and uh and i was only i was like 19 and uh this the woman that uh uh denise schultz was her name god i'll never forget it she walked sitting in comedy anymore walked on stage you go she was m name. God, I'll never forget it. She didn't even do comedy anymore. Walked on stage and she was emceeing and she goes, you'll be hearing a lot from that dude, Christopher Titus. And I thought, I got this shit.

I'm down. I'm the man. And then I just tanked it. Like to the point where the guy that ran that club, the Punchline in San Francisco, I ate it four times. And he came over to me, Hutch, and he goes, I'm going to give you a couple months off, man. He goes, you need to work other places than here before you come back. So you got like low-key fired. Between your first time and the next four.

Was it the same material? I got kind of taken. I even did it then, though. I didn't keep working this. Like I would come back the next time with a brand-new five minutes. That's what I thought you were supposed to do. But I wasn't just riffing it. I was it and i'd come at it and then i found out that i would then i started seeing comics two and three times and i realized oh shit dude i saw

you do that exact act last time and then i got oh you can keep working on stuff so yeah yeah it took me it took me a minute to figure it out took me a minute okay but i was also i also was crazy man dude i was caught i had at a time when you had long-distance bills, I had $750 phone bills when I was making no money. Because I would call. Something that happened in whatever town you start in is that, especially in San Francisco, everybody had this attitude that they were smarter than everybody. And so what they would say is, guys would go on the road. And I'd get the mic, and they'd come back from the road.

I'd go, how was the road? They'd go, oh, the people out there are stupid. They don't know what they're talking about. They don't get it. Well, they didn't get it because you were doing fucking jokes about San Francisco. So I made a decision after about the fourth or fifth guy said that. I'm like, I'm going to go

everywhere in this country. I'm going to go as far as I can, every state, every town and get this down. If my jokes only work in San Francisco, what's the fucking point? So I had like seven. I was making no money working in the shitty warehouse and my daytime job and kid you've ever seen i swear to god and they're like

shut up i go i go i'll tell you what i'll fly out there i'll pay my own travel if i'm not funny you don't have to pay me and they'd be like all right and i never i never not got paid nice pretty impressive is uh is there any like corner of the country or somewhere that it seems like no matter how many times you go back and try and really light it up there that it just doesn't fly or by now is it like i i got it this country down uh you know there's there's always some towns that are weird uh there's always towns that are weird some of it's you know that's the club of vegas vegas is is you have to learn how to do vegas there's always towns that are where la is weird because everybody here's a writer or a comedian or an actor and so they never nobody

in la watches anything for enjoyment if they go to see a live performance they watch it like uh-huh interesting that's a nice choice all right okay la is thinking four or five different ways so la's la's not a tough town it's just la you know you just you just know what's going to happen when you get on stage in la it seems like a lot of comics won't do uh universities is that because of do universities because I guess the audience gets offended. The audience is looking for a safe space. Chris Rock and Seinfeld don't. And that's bullshit. I don't understand what happened to our country.

Colleges used to be this weird bastion of open thinking and open-mindedness, and everybody took a joke. I did colleges when I started, and everybody everybody was fine and it did start to happen about near the end of me doing colleges they were like you know you do that whole bit about your mother being mentally ill we don't think it's okay mental illness is a disease it is not something to joke about and i was like well you guys are fucking stupid because everything is everything is something that's something about there was a joke about uh some gun joke happened and and fucking twitter blew up and i was like you know guys it's a fucking joke everybody lighten up he's not saying it was a and people like not all and then it started all this pc bullshit oh nothing it's it's you know you can't joke there's certain things you should never joke about

name it abortion no. Just abortion jokes. I did it. I did late-term abortion bit in one of my specials. I just think, when did we become this weird? Like, you guys are younger than I am. So when do you think this happened? What happened that made us this kind of society full of, and I use the word pussies. Can you put your finger on when this show got so PC? No? When this show got PC?

Yeah, I'm just fucking because we started with porn and dicks. Yeah, right. Exactly. I think some of it has to do with like the everybody gets a trophy generation, right? Because I came up in the, I guess, very early part of that. And my dad was very adamant against it. Where like if I did like soccer as a kid at six, and our team sucked because I fucking hated soccer. And at the end, they bring out that giant pallet of shitty little trophies.

I'm like, all right, everybody gets one. Like, my dad would, like, make sure I knew on the way home. Like, hey, you know, they gave you a trophy. You didn't earn that. And I was like, dad, I'm five. Like, yeah. I love you, dad. I know.

And it, like, drilled it in. I did the same. Let me tell you a story. I'm five. I know, and it drilled it in. Let me tell you a story. I did this. I did this to my daughter. She was playing, and I think I talked about it in Evolution. Their team was fucking horrible. One kid would stand by the goalie, and he would just spin and flap

his arms and pick shit off the ground. He never even looked at the ball. And at the end, we show up. They wanted to go to the trophy ceremony they called us and they go you have to be the trophy and i thought and i actually thought this good they're gonna make all the kids show up so we can watch the kids get trophies good this is gonna make all the other kids feel a little shitty about themselves so they work harder next year good i'm happy we go there and everybody gets a trophy and we get in the car and and my's in the back seat. And I go, I go, what do you think? And she goes, she goes, why did we get a trophy? And I go, what do you think? She goes, I don't know.

She goes, we didn't win any games. They won two games because the other team forfeited. They won two games because the other team didn't have enough players to play. And I go, I go, do you think you earned that? She goes, no, I don't think we did. So my daughter was pretty cool, and we had had talks about that. Two years later, she played on this soccer team where they made the finals of this, like, all-California tournament, and they came in second. I played. Like, that day they had to pay. I get a little teared up because I remember how hard she worked. They played four games that day at this final day of the tournament.

And they walked home with this medal. And we get in the car and I go, what do you think about this one? And she goes, we earned this one. And she remembered from years ago when she was a little kid. And I think all we've done is damage children. That's all we've done is damage children. So everybody thinks. And by the way, my dad didn't give a shit about my opinion every parent now thinks his kid no no no what did you want thomas what

did you want no let thomas speak he's got an opinion fuck it thomas he's six he doesn't get an opinion eat your sandwich shut up and be quiet i have a totally different angle's wilder rules at my house at that age where it was like if you went upstairs you let the parents talk and you speak when spoken to now like that was the way it was you if you went upstairs you let the parents talk and you speak when spoken to now. That was the way it was. You get your soda and you leave. They don't give a fuck. What do you think about gun control? In my family, my father got five votes,

my mother got two, and my brother and I each got one. That was how voting fucking worked in my household. Are you fucking kidding me right now? No. Your dad got five. Your mom only got two. That was how voting fucking worked in my household. Are you fucking kidding me right now? No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Your dad got five. Five.

Your mom only got two. And then the kids each got two. As dad said, one for each ovary because that's all she got four. And your brother each got one vote. Is that correct? That's right. And what kind of family quandaries would be solved using this sort of United Nations of insanity? You never knew what would be solved.

In fairness, 80% of the time it was for picking the movie. But it could be applied to anything. You were raised with Banana Republic rules. Yeah. Just shut the shit down. Hey, you guys got all that. Hey, Dad, I've added up the votes. Even if we all vote one thing you still

have one more vote fucking exactly no shut up yeah that was my dad too you didn't you didn't get a you didn't get a vote no one cared what the kids thought and because of that you had this sense of um earning something you had and i think we've lost that you know i don't know why we went off on this thing anyway the participation trophy thing uh we talked about the movie again if you want but uh i think like your daughter kids know exactly what that participation participation trophy means a certificate of losership right and and it's it's not a surprise to anybody i don't think the whole safe space thing is coming from a position of weakness i think it's modern day fighting i think they've weaponized being a victim and suddenly i have a power over you because you've hurt me in some way now i'm

offended and i'm gonna fucking force it on you until you unoffend me yeah and it's cry bullying yes so that ties into my theory i think it's when they stopped bullying right if if there was bullying on the level that existed when i was a bully right when they ran you off the sidewalk with their car then people wouldn't do the safe space bullshit. But now this is how you bully people. You tell them you're offended and you extract apologies. Bullying early and often. Yeah, I think bullying – like I told my kids early on, and again, I probably sound like a psycho.

I told my son and my daughter, I said, listen, anybody bullies you. I go, I go, you hit him right under the nose as hard as you can. I go, listen, you may get your ass kicked, but you will never get messed with again. Ever. I go, I, I, I said, throat eyes. I used to say this right into the nose, throat eyes, uh, uh, um, or knees. I go, you can kick him in the knee as hard as you can. I go, I go, I, I, I'm not kidding. You think I'm kidding? Because everything you need to learn in life happens in the first six years. I mean, I honestly believe the first six years, you know, you learn, uh, you know, that I have to eat. If I, if I don't drink water, I'll pass out eventually. And mom will take me to the hospital. You learn that there's certain things you have to do and bullying there's these big lessons in life that you got to stand up for yourself and we become the society where kids don't have to stand

up for themselves anymore there's everyone else steps in for them and then what happens is they're 18 and we all go hey have a good life and they walk out into the world and you know and they get hit by a fucking bus because you didn't teach them that bus is hurt you don't and. And they walk out there spouting off their opinions as though they have some validity, where it's like, no, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're still a child. I disagree with Woody's point of most kids see through the trophy thing. No, I think that comes down to the parents' reaction to it. I, as a kid, was able to see through it because I was given a trophy.

I'm a dumb kid. If someone goes to me, you earned this. You did a great job. Good for you. You tried your best, and that's all we can expect from you. I'll be like, oh, well, then I guess my best can translate into whatever behavior I exhibited that day. So, okay, I always deserve this. Whereas if you're a kid who's told, no, you didn't earn this.

This isn't yours. Then they're going to look skeptically at all of those kind of blanket trophies. And they'll maybe think more, maybe inquisitively and be like, ah, my opinion probably doesn't mean that much because just the way I got that trophy, these are just people pandering to me being like, oh yeah, is that what you think about communism? You little 16 year old retard? You know, oh, you've got it all figured out. Like, yeah, I think a lot of it all comes down to parents i agree you're not smart enough at that age to actually understand that oh this is not how the world works you know you said your kids like the like the part is they get it they don't get it they just like oh i just don't

have to work and i still get shit okay you know i think that and that's it that's a weird least resistance and if you give them out to always get yeah and and now we're back to my kids living with their mom. Good job. That was a nice callback, bro. You walked the path. Because my kids, I expected something. I expected performance. They went to private schools. I expected performance in school.

I expected honesty. I expected integrity. And when they didn't get it, they got in trouble. But their mom goes, oh, it's okay, honey. It's okay. You did your best. Yeah, but when he gets on his own, his best is going to not get him anything. He's going to be living under a bridge in a refrigerator box.

I'm not okay with that. Was there something about the 90s, that whole decade that seemed like it was just a decade of plenty and peace that you think influenced people to be like ah we can aspire to be a better gentler race of people than our forefathers were we can everyone can have a trophy like we we can all be winners do you think maybe that happened because and then and then of course we get into yes right at the beginning of the 2000s the 21st century we get 9-11 and it's this weird culture shock i don't know i think that something about the 90s it was so plentiful and peaceful the whole decade really for us it was for the for the for america i was worried i was gonna get drafted i didn't know we had a we had a fucking vietnam vet sit

on the desk in front of classroom hold up a newspaper with print so large it took the entire upper fold and it read, it's war. And he says, kids, if you're going to be in the military for any length of time, this is what you can expect. What year was this? Was this the Gulf War? Yeah, 90. Yeah, but then the next week happened and you knew it was all good. We won.

I don't know. We did. Here's what I'll say. I think both of your opinions are right. I think the 90eties were like, we all thought tech, the tech boom happened. And we all thought, Oh my God, technology is amazing. We can make anything happen with technology. That's part of it. Then I think nine 11 happened and parents were like, Holy shit. At any minute, it could all go horribly wrong.

I need to protect my children. And that's where the helicopter parent came from was like, you know, don't let them get near anything. Don't let them get hurt. Don't let anything, you know, protect them at every turn because you know terrorism you got to remember before that 9-11 we had no fucking concept of terrorism or shit blowing up or people going to you know u-haul and right driving a van through fucking 300 people we didn't have any concept we live in a different world now and it's just become fucking normal that's that thing that's what bothers me yeah i think you're right

like i think and and now all the kids we're seeing the younger millennials and generation z or whatever the next one is we're kind of seeing all of that come to fruition where a bunch of kids who were never said never told rather that's dumb that's stupid don't say that you didn't win we're seeing them grow up and they're so cocksure of themselves you know all the way up to what level like age 35 that's like where millennials cut off but look at zuckerberg though zuckerberg i mean maybe it's a good thing maybe being totally confident in life and having no insecurities anxiety and and knowing you're a loser like i did maybe that's a good thing i mean we have a lot of we have a lot of mother fucker is So autistic he doesn't understand insecurity. He just tries to sit there and look as human as possible on his four inch

Pad did everybody see that picture he didn't That was humiliating air with a booster seat billionaire with a booster seat I couldn't fuck dude You're already a billionaire and you and you basically took your penis size from like a thousand inches to one. Like, what are you doing, bro? You know what I would have done? I would have vacuum packed four inches of fucking hundred dollar bills and sat on that. Hey, this is where I'm tipping the valet after this.

Fuck off. I own all these bitches. That booster seat was custom made for that chair. Look at the photo again. It's got cutouts for the arms. He didn't bring a booster seat was custom made for that chair. Look at the photo again. It's got cutouts for the arms. He didn't bring a booster seat. They supplied him with a table and a chair, and the chair without the booster seat was too short.

It would have come up to his neck. So he sat on it. You stand. You stand like a man. I hear you. I hear you. The optics are bad, and he should have known because he lives a place in public life. I love the idea, though.

Shit. Square thing. And then it has like a half-naked Vegas girl come in and just set it down in the seat and pat it. And then she sits him down and then does his nails while he talks to Congress. That's what a billionaire does, motherfucker. He just sits on her lap. Yeah, exactly. My wife is yelling at the screen.

Because he kept kissing their ass. That's a good question, Senator. That's a good question, exactly. My wife is yelling at the screen. She's like – because he kept kissing their ass. That's a good question, Senator. That's a good question, Senator. He was just – he's that guy, man. And then she starts – then we started researching how much he stole from the Winkle bosses or whatever. And it's like the dude is the dude. It's best for him to get a spokesman and just not go in front of the cameras anymore. to get a spokesman and just not go in front of the cameras anymore. He's evil enough to be manipulative, but he's not charismatic to be manipulative without

it being completely transparent. So he's a doubly bad person in that regard. You're watching him and you're just like, oh, you're actually probably evil on the inside, I think, maybe. And that booster seat, I don't care if they were like, sir, you will sit on the booster or you will be a contempt of Congress. I'm not sitting on that booster. Look at those guys behind me with the smartphones.

No, I can't do it. You might as well put a fucking eight-inch dildo on that thing and let me ride that. Well, first of all, Bailiff, I have 64 naked pictures of you available anytime. So you can go ahead and eat shit. The rest of these fuckers know I've got the same on them. Just because they're old doesn't mean they're not shooting smut to each other. I didn't think about that. When we found out how much Facebook had, I didn't even think about it.

He had shit on everybody in that room. Yeah. He goes, by the way, I'm sitting on a booth seat and I've just peed myself. What are you guys going to do? I'm going to take a dump on this desk. Anybody got a problem with that? I didn't think so. Grassley, you want to say something?

No, fuck you too all right good that it's just like i know who you fucked when you but i know what you've done go ahead anybody no good but he was such a you're right he's an awkward super villain which is really doubly lame he's not even a good super villain yeah no like beating him up like a superhero flying in and beating him up wouldn't even get it wouldn't be satisfying he'd be like of course you beat him up like all he superhero flying in and beating him up wouldn't even get, it wouldn't be satisfying. He'd be like, well, of course you beat him up. Like all he did was threaten you with dick pics. And of course Captain America wins.

Yeah, but he has all your information. I don't care. He got his ass kicked. Yeah. Hey, guys, I got to get back to work. I got to get doing some stuff. But this was fun. I didn't realize it was going to be like this. So, Merageddon, I'm in Houston this week.

The new show, Merageddon, it's 90 minutes of bringing the country together. It finally got to a place. It was the hardest show I ever had to write because it pissed everybody off for the first three months. Everybody, I trumped people going, fuck you. Everybody's screaming. And it took me about three minutes to get my points across. But now it's getting standing ovations. So, if you can get to the show, I'm in Houston this week and denver next week and let's do this again guys i it's weird to have a have a

just a conversation appreciate it and i didn't get to horn my shit all the time and i feel worse about myself knowing that i have basically destroyed my own life that i am the one you know constant yeah the constant in my night just this conversation has ruined my evening i know right makes me feel fortunate and by the way if you guys are your listeners check out the titus podcast i actually write a five minute bit at the beginning called armageddon update which we talk about what's going on in the world i write i write i took up my podcast specifically so i could force myself to write every week so i do that and then we do basically what you guys are doing, except we don't delve into people's souls quite as far and destroy their weeks. So on my podcast. Well, go have a drink or don't. And thank you. Thank you so much for coming on. Really am a big fan. I love I'm going to watch

your movie tonight as soon as we're done with this with the show we're doing now. We'd love to have you back on again. And we'll be sure to pimp your movie right at the end of the show and everything, and it'll be in the link and everything. Thanks, bitches. I'll talk to you later. Later. Bye, guys. All right. What a rough fucking life.

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I got no action. Reflects very well on our show if you guys check it out. Yeah, I really like to have Entitus on. I'm not even joking, and I know Kyle's not either. I can tell. It makes me feel thankful for my life. So thankful. I've had little arguments with my like my

mother or whatever like like pale in comparison i love my mom she texted me today i love you love you kyle how's it going blah blah blah oh my fucking god oh my god you think he ever got a note from his mom that said she loved him she got a note saying zorgon is under the bed fear the night child fear the night what the hell what I I really do enjoy Titus and stuff I wasn't blowing smoke up his ass when I mentioned loving his uh his sitcom back in the day I was so sad when it got canceled I had a couple of um supporting actors that that have been in tons of movies that I like I can't think of their names off the top of my head but it was well cast well well acted, and it was funny.

It came out in 2000. It was kind of edgy for that time period, and it mimicked his own life where he had an alcoholic dad in the picture and was dealing with family drama and stuff like that. Chiz and I watched one of his specials last night, and I had seen, I think I've seen all of his specials. He's got like six, so maybe I've seen three or four, but I've heard a ton of his stuff on Comedy Central Radio.

Really funny guy. And the stories he told, how dark they are, he mixes that into his comedy. All of his bits are about that stuff, or a lot of them are. The story of why his show got canceled is awesome. Have you heard it? Not in a long time. Remind me. The quick and dirty version is this.

There was another show on it. It might have been Will and Grace at the same time, and they were like cheating on each other. So they said, hey, I'd like to have that incorporated into your show too. And the network executive that pitched it, he didn't like the idea. So he belittled her and explained to her like she was a three-year-old in diapers, just why she was as stupid as she actually is. And by the end of the season, that was it.

They were getting good ratings. Everything was going well. They stopped promoting it. Bam. Yeah, he's like, do you even watch the show? And really talked down to the executive. And at the time, the show was so successful, he thought that he was bulletproof and he had a position to do that

and uh life lesson everybody managers typically have something on you and you yeah but but i feel like if that's if if if if time was advanced 15 years for him like like if instead of 2000 that show debuting it debuted in 2015 2016 and that same shit went down he'd be he'd get it's netflix hulu someone like that snatch him up the next day and be like fucking season two is with us bro let's go like because it was a great show it was very funny uh i i i miss it and and when after watching that i became a titus fan and uh you know i'd always gravitate when i'd see him on comedy central or something like that so yeah i really appreciated having him on enjoyed that yep yep yeah i liked him yeah, I really appreciated having him on. I enjoyed that. Yeah, I liked him too.

So it's been an interesting week in the news. I saw there was some sort of terror attack in Canada, right? A guy drove a car through a crowd, killed a dozen people or so. Yeah, I think he killed nine people, maybe? I don't know if this was like a rented U-Haul van like the ones we saw in France and stuff. I don't know.

Certainly, though, we can notice there's an increasing trend of van attacks. So that's no fun. I wanted to pick Titus' is sort of where they want to say anti-gun or pro-gun control, whichever way you look at it. I wanted to pick his mind about U-Haul control and how we can stop the large square menace that is moving vans, you know, sweeping the world with terror. That would have been fun. It would have been broken up by his internet connection, but I wish we had had that conversation. Yeah, that was a shame. Although, you know what?

I felt when he came back, we really hadn't missed anything. Most of the time. Yeah. There was one Taylor and I both jumped on it. We're like, we need that detail. It's so critical. Yeah, yeah. waffle house shooter so so look i was unplugged from the internet i i went on a little trip with a girl and uh and whatever day that was i didn't know about this waffle house shooter does anyone have the skinny on that i i heard something about a naked man in a waffles house he was uh an insane person who thought that uh that no like i'm saying like genuinely insane that he thought that taylor swift

was stalking him he tried to break into the white house just a few months ago with a gun uh and got his gun seized and taken away and shit and then his parents apparently gave it back gave the guns back to him and then during the shooting i believe that was the one where he must have been like not paying full attention to his shooting and that other that other guy like tackled him blindsided him i guess and was able to like i guess at least knock the gun out of his hands if not wrench it free i don't know that guy is getting free waffle house for the rest of his life if he's not it's a goddamn travesty like i feel better yeah right like he should be living the high life on waffles and eggs forever forever more after after stopping

basically a terrorist attack on on the waffle house. And at Waffle House, you know you'd get four days into your free Waffle House for life, and you'd be like, nah. Nah, I don't feel any safer here. Diarrhea every day is just sad. I can't do this anymore. Isn't that the most white trash terror attack you've ever heard? Oh, at a Waffle House?

At a Waffle House. Does it get more white trash than that? I can't think of one. Hudaffle House. Does it get more white trash than that? I can't think of one. Huddle House. I was going to say Cracker Barrel, and honestly, it's not. Shut your mouth. No.

All right. Am I the only one here? To me, then Cracker Barrel. Yeah, it absolutely is. I thought you were suggesting that Cracker Barrel is lower tier than Waffle House, while I think that Cracker Barrel is a tier than Waffle House, while I think that Cracker Barrel is a lovely establishment

and it's not just a restaurant. It's a country store. You can get yourself a Rubik's Cube, some fucking rock candy in there, like 18 different kinds of root beer. When I started WoodyCraft, the 15-year-old that I partnered with was a helicopter pilot, and he used to

fly to Crackerer barrel and get lunch and presumably licorice and then fly away I thought that was pretty hot I don't know like that's your hobby okay god he'd have to like go back with intentionally less weight stomach from god damn cracker free soda I don't think I can make it back with that he had a small did you remember what kind of chopper he had yeah it was the kind you were in like the R22 or something

the most dangerous helicopter on earth the Robinson 22 the least expensive the two go hand in hand I personally know people who have died in r22s and i don't know that many people who fly helicopters right like i know like eight guys who like make a habit of flying these things when i'm died a completely different guy shattered his

foot and like you know you hear about people breaking their foot he shattered his like he'll never walk right again i got a helicopter friend who crashed in r22 yeah he flew it all the time and got really good and he used to like turn it off and auto rotate on practice and everything and then a representative from robinson said oh you think you can do some tricks let me show you what this thing can really do crash the fuck out of it you know like he couldn't walk for months and it really got wrecked uh and i i have a couple helicopter pilot friends because apparently they like paramotors too. And all of them are like,

yeah, yeah, I fly helicopters for a living, but I can't fly one of those. Everything's manual about it. There's no auto leveling, like gyro or whatever. Just everything is manual and it's hard to fly. All of the pilots that I've personally flown with, I always ask them, them before we go up. First of all, I'm going to get in it regardless of what they say.

But I'll ask them how many hours they have. And I'll ask them what their flying history is just so I feel a bit more comfortable with them or whatever. And one guy was older. I couldn't put a finger on his age, but 60s. And so that concerned me just a little bit. And he looked like a fit 60, though. No belly, square shoulders. And I was was like how long have you been flying and he said since nam and i was like fuck yeah let's go let's do can we do tricks can we that's the guy who dangled me

beneath his helicopter on the rope like like when he told me he'd been in nam i was like all right i trust you a thousand percent like you yeah swing me through the trees. Didn't the other one have trouble that day? Wasn't there like... There was almost a crash that day. There was a much, much younger pilot in an R-22 flying my cousin Scott with like the secondary camera. He was our camera helicopter and I'm the shooter helicopter, which I believe was a Robinson 44.

And we asked him, you know, how many hours do you have? Completely separate. We didn't go from one to the other. How big is your penis? Yeah, that's shitty. And it's clear that the older guy is going to have more hours. He didn't even tell us how many hours.

He was like, since now. You think I'm counting at this point? But the other guy was like, how many hours do you have? And I didn't ask him. My friend did. He was like, enough. And we were like

enough to be Like bare minimum. Is that what you mean? Are you being a smartass right now? I don't want to say low enough that I don't want to say is what we took from it And so there was one we're doing these big circles around the shooting field We're making passes as we shoot our explosive targets and stuff and on one of the passes We're making passes as we shoot our explosive targets and stuff. And on one of the passes, we're all connected on radio. We've all got headsets on, and it's noise canceling.

It's excellent stuff. So no matter how loud the rotors are, even when you're hanging out the door of a helicopter with a machine gun shooting, you can hear clearly what the other pilot is saying. And you hear, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. And I'm like, look. And he's getting all squirrely and he has to do some sort of maneuver where he makes a big circle out over the field to like regain altitude because he was gonna crash he was gonna fucking crash and take my cousin down with him but uh but yeah those things are dangerous my theory is his own wake i bet that's what happened

that he flew or even hours okay yeah that he flew into air that he didn't expect it to behave like that Yeah, man, it's uh, it's flying's dangerous stuff. You had a little spill this this this week. I understand. Yeah, we already talked about that Yeah, I I Still want to see the video so that I can commentate on it I I know you I know we're not gonna like throw that out there publicly for the for the average consumer to to partake of but i am all last night i was like hope he sends it hope he sends it maybe he'll text it to me i actually uploaded it i didn't send it to anybody though yeah yeah yeah i are you contentionally keeping that one off because a lot is a bit of it like you don't want maybe jackie to see the level of danger that's

that's i think you'll be underwhelmed actually like i've looked i've watched it probably 100 times now and uh um really i'm just sort of turning my way in and i instead of leveling out about four feet over where i thought I would, I hit the ground and, uh, you know, I didn't hide anything from Jackie or anything. I called her and told her, I was like,

honey, I think I'm going to need a new frame and some new swing arms. And it happened to be on our wedding anniversary. And she's like, how's your frame. And you're led with that. I'm like, I'm fine,

but you know, I broke this and that. And she's like, all right, well, happy anniversary. I know what you're getting. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Your anniversary is shockingly close to Colin's birthday. Do you think there's any correlation there? I think so. Are you thinking that gestation is a year? For a moment, it appears that I was thinking that. I might be retarded.

We're all a little retarded. You know, the whale's gestation period is quite much. I'm sure that's where you were headed. Jesus Christ, how stupid am I? I'm not as dumb as the chicken guy. That's fair. That's okay. I feel redeemed.

Watch the jerk burger uh i forget where it's going anyway so i i called and yeah but it turned out we just bent the frame back it's made out of titanium which is uh remarkably like able to bend and bend back more times than steel or aluminum yeah that's really coolium, I don't have a ton of experience, but I've held pieces of titanium in machine shops, and I'm always shocked at just how light it is. It's very light. Yeah, it's a good strength to weight ratio. You don't have to use too much.

This is a super boring question. Do you know what its weight comparison is with aluminum? It's lighter or heavier? It's not too different than aircraft aluminum. Regular aluminum or aluminized steel? Aluminized steel uh aluminized steel all right we have to wrap up paramotor talk i'm not responsible for it this time i didn't bring it up and try to change the topic but it's fun paramotor the answer is aircraft aluminum and

titanium frames are roughly the same weight it's just that with tight with aluminum if you bend it it might bend back once. It might just be broken the first time. Whereas with titanium, you can pretzel that fucker and bend it back and fly it again. Yeah, yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I guess that's probably why so many

military aircraft made it out of titanium. I remember reading about, or maybe watching a TV show about the stealth fighters that go to high altitude and how the frames swell and expand and contract with the heat. Is that still true? I knew that happened with the old one. You said fuel tanks, didn't you? That they built with gaps between the pieces because it was going so fast, I guess, that it would heat up and they would expand.

And then the gaps would be sealed, which is just fascinating. Isn't it crazy that only like, I don't know, 150 years ago or whatever, there were people like, Oh, a human being cannot sustain speeds of over 30 miles an hour for any extended period of time. It will surely perish. And then like now, we're flying at thousands of miles an hour. any extended period of time it will surely perish and then like like now we're flying at thousands of miles and i don't know it it's crazy how much we've evolved so quickly like that guy would feel like a real boob today freaking the fuck out like as you're going slow in the rain on the highway we've been going 50 for an hour now i feel my heart palpitating all right settle down ebenezer yeah i at the time, a horse would be the fastest way you could travel, right?

Like, literally the top speed you could reach would be on the back of a horse. I have a... Maybe downhill on wheels could be faster? But the bicycle wasn't invented until, like, the late 1800s, and it was, like, that big silly one with like the big front wheel is it called a penny wise or a penny oh a penny whistle a penny uh oh uh far penny farthing is that right i think that's it h-i-n-g penny farthing i think that was one of the silly who invented that where he had a good enough idea to come up with that, and he's like, ah, and the front wheel will be enormous.

But he didn't need a chain drive. Well, then you'll ride very high. You'll need friends to get up. But it was simple to make, right? Because, like, the way it is now is they have, like, a one-size sprocket on the front, another-size sprocket on the back, and they have to work the ratios and make it so that pedaling gets you a decent distance whereas if they just put a giant fucking wheel on it then that's the ratio change in itself yeah and on the penny farthing there's no chain of course the the the pedals are just connected directly to the spoke of that gigantic wheel so you're getting identical rp it's it's it's i'm looking at one right now just to see how stupid they are like

the idea that like how this is this doesn't make sense technologically because you look at so many other inventions like the car you can totally see that evolved like like from the very early ones to the modern ones and you're like oh yeah well that makes sense yeah oh sleeker okay oh the steel isn't all boxy now they they're making rounded out aluminum. Oh, and now plastic. It's even lighter. This doesn't make any sense in the evolutionary tree of vehicles at all. This is retarded. And they must have been very difficult to ride, right?

They must have been impossible to ride. Like, you accidentally turn a little bit on your giant wheel, and you're just careening, what, seven feet downward with your head? And you're wearing a little shitty leather cap that they used for football matches back in the day? None of these guys are wearing helmets. They're all wearing

little bowler hats and stuff like that. Like, nobody's wearing head protection. While they're doing it? Yeah. This is after Chiz's hat was in style they're riding their paper boy jobs that's so so dumb i want can you think of anything else that evolved oddly like bikes a unicycle comes to mind oh that was just some guy fucking around hoverboard's just a misnamed piece of bullshit that's not doesn't hover at all it goes it's just a forward skateboard i agree there it's not it's not a hoverboard at all helis are more fun than those hoverboards and helis have been around for

a long time i remember when those were huge when i was like in late grade school i guess and like using those in the playground and like getting speed going down the blacktop and then you inevitably fall onto like gravel get a bunch of little pieces of rock embedded in your leg and then you find them popping out like 20 years later yeah i had a similar experience except i was 35 did you guys see t-mart get a hoverboard it was a pretty awesome video like it so people don't know t-mart in real life he's like six four six five something like that like he's a big guy and it was popular that people were buying these hoverboards and making youtube videos about them and i think he just wanted to give it a try to like hop on the trend and he goes out there and he tries to do a kickflip or something and his hoverboard is like 15 minutes old and he snaps it in two from like doing a trick.

And I think he was genuinely like devastated is an exaggeration, but he was sad. He didn't want his board to break, but it was like, oh, like stupid me. And then the video got millions of views and it paid for itself. Paid for a whole nother hoverboard to fuck around on and break. Or 10 more. Yeah. So it worked out well but i i like this it was fun watching him make bad decisions on a hoverboard i uh they're shockingly easy to use i um me and richard ryan were playing with one once and i was like before we blow this up let me try it let me try it and we messed around with it and we did a video where

richard is on the hoverboard with an enormous belt fed machine gun if i remember correctly and he's wheat and he's hoverboarding through a house shooting stuff as as he goes it's pretty funny um but but yeah they're really easy to use i thought they're gonna be difficult because i cannot skateboard like there's just i do not have that balance uh and it makes me understand that i couldn't surf either most likely without a ton of practice to like gain that that that that balance because i i tried to skateboard once when i was 15 or something i had a friend who like had a skate he was like a skateboard dude he had all he had the appropriate shirts and shoes hairstyle oh absolutely and uh and habits and so he i tried

to do a kickflip out in front of his house and the the board like karate chopped my shin and at 15 i was enough of a man that i wasn't gonna cry in front of my friend on the street but at 14 i wouldn't have been it hurt that much it hurt that fucking much it was so good and i was like never again never again i uh oh i haven't done a hoverboard but i've done like the unicycle variant of one have you tried one of those it has like a cycle variant oh i don't even know is it is it uh thing that looks like a segway except it's just one wheel and you kind of like hug it with your knees yes it's like the mall cop thing yeah yeah yeah but it doesn't have any handlebars do mall cops have that oh maybe not yeah i haven't seen many

mall cops on those they usually ride around on the regular segways here i'm gonna chiz says it is a segue just just no handlebars it's a barless segue i can't imagine being in a situation where i could need that no no when i see those guys if i need to i'm gonna bust out this other technology called jogging and i'll and i'll get there without having to carry a yeah look at how stupid that thing looks. Oh, I don't like that at all. That's so lame. Really? I thought, well, it seemed pretty cool to me. Dude, the powered skateboards are cool. Like, I saw a guy going uphill.

Yes, I've done that. Those are cool. I saw a guy going uphill in Atlanta on a skateboard. And he was like, from his body language and his stance, he had excellent balance. Because he wasn't like really aggressive on it. He was just relaxed, like chilling on it. And he may have even been checking his phone while his body language and his stance he had excellent balance because he wasn't like like like really aggressive on it he was just relaxed like chilling on it and he may have even been checking his phone while going uphill on a goddamn skateboard and i was just like that's fucking cool but there's a

thing so so i did this because i was at a paramotor fly-in and these are better on grass it's like an 18 inch wheel a skateboard wheel doesn't go i I mean unless it's like golf course grass. It doesn't yeah Yeah, very well sure so this thing you know the guy broke it out, and it was kind of cool But to learn it we had to hold hands for a while So we're like like almost palm reading you know as he's holding my hands, and I'm standing on it He's teaching me like I don't know how to balance and how to lean forward and what it does and It was just like, I like, this is just the gayness that I have to endure to play with.

You don't often, can we talk about that? Because it's not often in our culture that you hold another grown man's hand longer than a handshake takes, right? Like, like handshake, very manly thing,

holding hands. Gayest thing you could possibly imagine right you'd almost rather hold his dick than hold his hand for a long as a greeting into established trust yes well would you rather indian oh go ahead would you rather shake a man's dick as long as a handshake tags just a quick nice to meet you or spend the entire day at the mall holding the same man's hand oh totally the dick thing i didn't know i i thought you were gonna just do five minutes of double holding hands but when i had to spend the whole day holding hands at the mall i'll just shake the dick and get it over with right yeah it would make me very uncomfortable

i feel like i'd start getting sweaty palms and he might take that as some sort of a signal. Mm-hmm. Of what? More or less of a signal than holding his penis. Well, he would be under the understanding that it was this or hold his hand and he'd be like, just shake it, bro.

Just shake it. Yeah, I don't want this anymore than you do. See, this comes down, like Chiz says, to a time issue. Because it's not so much like, do I want to shake his dick? It's like, do I want to spend all day walking around with this guy holding hands? You're already going to be spending all day with this man at the mall. Oh, so it's either holding hands or the subsequent 12 hours after I fondled his genitals. That's going to be an awkward time sitting there outside sabaro at the food court being like hey remember that thing that that didn't happen two hours ago

let's hit up barnes and noble yeah let's do traction let's go in this direction right let's say it's a girl that you kind of fancy right that she seems nice would you rather grab her cooch once or hold hands with her through the mall all day i'd rather grab her pussy once i'd rather grab her pussy right it's funny though because we grabbed her pussy because it is the greater like uh achievement or or you know thing that you want it is the better of the two options but we grabbed his dick because it's the lesser of two options there's an inconsistency there yeah there there is but that's because dick is free it is abundant and therefore has low value whereas pussy costs something a lot of it's cheap

but it still costs something you know whereas dick they're giving dick away like dick is free any corner you know this was on here saying that he got, you know, almost dick thrown at him from a homosexual man who picked him up on the freeway. That sounded like a real stand-up guy. He sounded great, yeah. Of course, he's a fucking cunt, but dick is free. So here's an idea that I've had recently. If prostitution was

legalized in this, the greatest capitalist country of all time, don't you think the price of pussy would bottom out big time right now? Now imagine this. Amazon gets on board with this, right? All of a sudden it's one click pussy. You got that one click pussy button over there. It's shaped like a vagina and she just shows up and 36 minutes or less or whatever their time frame is. She's there quickly. I feel like the price would just fall completely

below. Currently, if you're on the street looking for a lady of the night, you can get what we'd all consider a $700 for $400 a night. An hour. What you would see is all of the non-prostitute women in the country who had previously been like, yeah, black markets don't work.

Don't do this. Don't do that. They would all immediately become like the fucking temperance, no alcohol movement of the early 20th century where they'd be like, oh, shit. These fuckers are getting pussy for free. Where's my authority going? Like I need my pussy to have some power and now they're just one click buying people of every race you know every every stat and everything like they'd they'd so quickly come down on it like that's the reason i think

prostitution will never be fully legal is because women will not allow it because even in the black market like like first of all craigslist no longer has personal ads. We found that out the other day. But I've been on there perusing that thing before. Yeah, you know. We talked about it on the show, how Backpage was going. We were looking for transsexual prostitutes for some gag, and it doesn't exist anymore. But you would see girls, unattractive girls, on Craigslist, $20. Personals are here.

They'd be $20 for a sexual hookup and and uh and so just imagine what the cheapest of the cheap would be on amazon pussy page right oh man so cheap it'd be like because they'd all be competing yeah exactly competition drives the price down first taylor's thing was brilliant in regards to the whole temperance move i loved it loved it i Yeah, exactly. Competition drives the price down. I don't know because I'm not on the market, but my impression is it is way easier to get laid now. Right. When you were when I was a kid, when I was a teenager, early 20s or something like pussy wasn't that abundant. You know, like it was hard to come by and people would get married to get laid, you know, or they'd get married to like lock in a steady source of getting laid. It's not that they couldn't get laid. It's just that it happened once or twice a year.

So they would get married to sort of lock that in. And it was like women provide pussy and guys provide the other resources. And that's kind of the thing, right? Now, pussy seems to— And that's how valuable pussy is. It was. It balanced the whole scale. Tinder, fuck that up for women right now if you're a chick it seems like you have to fuck just to be competitive with the other girls out there

you know you can't be like i don't know i'm saving myself for marriage even if that secretly means i'm saving myself for nine months because i don't give it out easy that's a different those are different apps right like they're they're real they're like christian apps there are i'm sure there's a mormon app out there like there are apps that are more serious and and and more of a dating kind of thing tinder is a pussy app all right the pussy economy has been completely rewritten during my lifetime and probably the lifetime before mine too you know like it it's it's pulling me away and i i feel like now women if they want to lock in a marriage contract have to provide so much more than pussy to the relationship you know and i don't know what that

is it can be love and support it can be a career it can be like all kinds of things but it's not just a steady you know sequence of getting laid it's definitely more than that i taylor said something last show i i forget how it came up exactly but i was like what if she's really good at blowing you and he's like there's lots of girls who are good at blowing you like that had no value whatsoever and i was like wow i thought that was actually pretty valuable skill set but apparently that's abundant out there and yeah dude the whole pussy economy has been shaking up. Lots of girls can suck dick. Like, millions. Billions of them. Like, if you think about it,

I've found way more girls who are at least competent or good at it than I've found girls who are so bad at it. You're like, all right, all right, that's enough of that. Stop. Like, have you ever stopped a girl from giving you oral? No. But I have been in situations where it's really not good but and i i know kyle is like on the other side of this like like i would it would make me feel bad to hurt their feelings you know be like, we're done with this. Because then they would totally get...

You just say, oh, come here, I want to kiss you. That's what I do. Like, you escalate it to the next step. But I would never say anything rude about it, you know, because that's just depriving some other guy of a terrible head in the future.

Well, I've definitely been in relationships where maybe she asks, you know, am I good at this? Or do you like what I do here or there? And I'm like, well, no. You could change this and that, you know, like maybe give them pointers, right? And in the same regard, and I think this is very important in relationships, especially, you know, like this. Like I would, I've always asked the lady that I'm saying, do you like what I'm doing here? Do you like it when I do this?

Would you prefer that? I want the skinny. Oh, it's been 10 minutes. Recheck that consent app and thank you. You're right. Thank you, Marge. Come over here and notarize here. Yep, yep.

This is my notary. This is my notary, Marge. Yeah, you're totally right. Slash third if. Oh, never this is my notary yeah this is my notary mark yeah you're totally right slash third if oh never mind just notary too many people both men and women i think have like the mentality of like oh i'm just really good at sex oh i'm just really good at it and it's like no you were really good with that last partner who you were really good with like you got really good at having sex with them and figuring out what they like.

But if you take that carbon copy, whatever the fuck you were doing with that guy or that girl, and apply it to every subsequent partner, like, chances are it's not going to be a winning combo, you know? It'd be like you're good at playing the piano, and you just sit down and start raising hell on the guitar. Like, no, no, no, no, let's take some guitar lessons. This thing may be a little bit different.

Exactly. You know one song. You know one song. I mentioned this to Kyle probably 200 episodes ago. I was like, I'm not sure if I'm good at sex or just good at fucking Jackie, right? It might be that if I went to someone else, she'd be like, really?

Get your finger out of there. Get your finger out of there. He's making sure that by the of there what's your tongue doing down there but you're married so you only need to fuck yeah yeah yeah but i have wonder like i might be awful at this i could i i could be on uh what's the island that doesn't involve galapagos galapagos right galapagos yeah i i Galapagos. Yeah, I could be on that island thinking that I'm some sort of alpha predator, right? And then I head over to Australia and I see where I really am.

Yeah, it's like if you're on Madagascar and you're one of those like shitty predators where you're like, I'm the biggest monkey in the jungle. And then they like bring you to a zoo and you're like, oh, I'm the shittiest monkey in the jungle. All of these gorillas are way bigger.

I thought I was the Grand Poobah of Madagascar. Turns out I was just on a shitty dwarf island. Yeah. I've known girls that were incredibly easy to please. It was like, well, I really don't feel like I'm getting any sort of... Like when you make a woman come, you're like, yeah, I did it. It's an accomplishment. I've accomplished my goal here. I've won. But sometimes sometimes it's so easy it's like when you play get someone really bad in a video game yeah you're just like this isn't even fun for me like i've known girls

that as soon as you put it in there's ah really are you are you trying to pump up my ego right now or is it i'm coming already really but how i haven't moved yeah like i've literally known girls that are like that and and i've had conversations like like really it's just that easy she's like yeah just it takes almost nothing to be ejaculators she literally was there's no such thing as premature for them because they can just keep rolling exactly the only thing that'll happen is if they they're like one of the come all the time kind of girls is they'll keep coming and then they do that thing where they have to like shove you off because like the intensity reaches too high the same way like after you finish you don't want them

continuing on with what they were doing because it gets uncomfortably sensitive yes like i'm sure you've had that experience where you're fucking a girl and she's ah i'm coming like for four or five times just because that's not because you're some don juan because they're fucking easy to make come yeah and then they like kick you off and you have to take like a break well their feet are usually restrained so that that that's not possible uh such wonderful life tips i guess yeah have you ever seen have you ever seen the adam saylor movie um spanglish i've seen it at blockbuster. His wife is a premature comer in that movie. They're in bed, and I think she's riding him.

I can't remember the actress who plays it, but she's got short blonde hair. She's really cute. They're dirty talk, and he's like, oh, yeah, your body's so hot. She's riding him and everything. She comes in 20 seconds, and she's done. She's like, oh, I'm done. And he's just like,'s like oh i'm done and she like gets up and he's just like

fuck we just started we just started like she didn't want to continue there was no there was going to be no like repeat orgasm there it wasn't going to continue like she was done it was done it was just such a sad sad moment for him and meanwhile his maid i think is played by oh what is that incredibly hot mex, Selma Hayek right? Is it Paz Vega? Okay. I thought it was Selma Hayek. Maybe Selma Hayek is also in that movie. It's like Paz Vega's friend or something like that. I haven't seen the movie but I know Selma Hayek

is hot. Selma Hayek is so fucking hot. That scene in From Dusk Till Dawn, you know the George Clooney movie where you've seen that? You haven't seen Dusk Till Dawn? No I have the George Clooney movie where you've seen that. You haven't seen Dusk Till Dawn? No, I have. It's the one where it turns to vampires.

Vampires. Yeah. Yeah, it starts out like a Tarantino crime movie, and then all of a sudden, Mexican vampires. Oh, and that's when she's pushing her foot in the face of Tarantino, dancing on the table. She's pouring the beer down her thigh and leg leg and he's just like, ah, like drinking it. He made that movie just for that scene. That was the only reason he acted in that movie.

He was, I'm not gonna act in this one. Selma Hayek does a scene where she pours alcohol down her thigh, off her foot, and into the criminal's mouth. I'd like that role now, yes. But can I say the N-word 50 times in that minute? No? There's no black actors? No? Well, then Tarantino's out of this. That scene of her

pouring the beer down her leg and letting it roll down there, that reminded me of or I guess I should say, I was watching Jackass 2.5 on Netflix and watching this dude. They're like, yeah, dude. So we got this guy with the longest fingernails in the world.

And we're like, what do we use them for? And so Knoxville just tells me to lay down. And so it's this dude with the longest fingernails on earth. They are, if you haven't seen this, guys, I imagine you have. Look it up. It's grotesque. It's like he has to hold his hand up near his chin level just to keep the nails from dragging on the ground they're disgusting and they're not well manicured they're they're gnarled and coiled like old dog shit solidified uh his thumbnail is in a giant

loop-de-loop of of shit and disgustingness and he lives in india so you know it's not you know he's not purell in these things every night and he stands there with his hand standing on a table and steve-o is laying with his mouth directly under the bottom of where his nails are hanging and the indian guy just goes like it's a mirror time and then pours a miller light beer over his hand and the full 12 ounces drip down this guy's fingernails and into steve-o's mouth and i've watched a lot of jackass and a lot of fucked up shit on the internet and watching steve-o lay there like writhing and coiling trying to keep his mouth as all of this nasty thing 70 year old fingernail beer is dripping into his mouth as he's vomiting it is it's i think it's one of the grossest things

in jackass history right behind the big fat fuck who who is running on a treadmill in all of that Reynolds wrap. And then they take all his sweat that compiled and someone drinks it. Both of those make me want to vomit. I'm going to tell you right now. I would take that fingernail beer over the paper cuts. Oh, no. Hell no. I'd rather get the paper cuts than that fingernail beer.

I'd be vomiting the whole time i i i would i'll i'll do i would do what was two or three about the fingernail i'm not following they take the webbing of a picture of that guy's and they take a big manila envelope and that's awful but the fingernail beard just you just this indian this filthy indian peasant has like literally 60 years of fingernail growth they are black and brown and curled and filthy and and i'm gonna guess literally three and a half feet long and he pours the beer through them and yeah let's watch here we go i just i don't know i feel like dirt only gets so gross oh okay you okay. You're going to see. All right. Just count it down when you're ready.

One moment. Oh, they're dirt. They're grosser than I remember, but I'd still take this over the paper cuts. Okay. Three. Let me start over at zero. Three, two, one, play. It's a Miller time.

Look at those nails. Look at the ladies watching. Oh, they're so gross. They look like vines. I think he's hamming it up. And that the deer is not really catching that much yuck on the way down. Let's see. I think it's the idea of what's happening more than the actual taste.

Oh, now the ladies are offended. That offends the ladies. I like that. That they showed up for this event knowing what was happening, but the moment he vomited, they can't handle it. I'm sorry, ladies. I'm sorry, ladies. I'm sorry, ladies. Thank you, Shredar.

He says thank you to him. Thank you, Shredar. How do you think he felt, Shredar, that is, about this whole incident? Did he feel offended, or did he understand why no man would want to do this? Shredar is not a normal man. Like, if he were capable of reading humans' disgust for what he's done, he wouldn't have done this for the last 50 years. You know? By the way, the thumbnail is coiled up, like you

said. I didn't remember it. It's coiled up so big. It's like one of those gigantic lollipops from cartoons. Like, it's gargantuan. It's a pinwheel of filth. It is like two bubble tapes put together in length his his thumbnail it's revolting you know do you think that there will ever ever be a thing like jackass like in the same vein with new people because i don't think

anyone can match or duplicate and what the things that they did with the charisma of like a johnny johnny knoxville not only was just willing to do anything right but he was also charismatic funny guy like there's something about his like react like his little chuckle his giggle right he's like he he he he like high-pitched shit i go in the other direction i feel like if i see jackass and it's like oh let's let me see if i have this right You ride a skateboard really fast into a kiddie pool. Fuck, I've seen six things better than that today. I feel like the Internet has democratized jackassery. And now instead of just people who have access to like movie production being jackasses, everyone has access to it.

And there are tons of people who aren't even everyday jackasses who are just, say, not very good cliff divers. And you get to watch them instead. That's fair enough as far as the actual content of craziness, but I think Kyle really hit on something when he said the charisma. It wasn't just you were watching them do ridiculous shit. They were being funny. They were being very likable.

The whole friend group they had they were somehow able to be brutally mean to each other like tasing each other or putting like you know bull prods on each other's asses surprisingly as they're trying to sleep but they still kind of remain cordial in like a funny fun loving way and i think that really drew people into it i think you're really selling them short by saying skateboards into kiddie pools like like like early early on like when they were just on mtv they'd be in shopping carts like like jumping over stuff but the movies are incredibly high production value like like look at this he's jumping a jet ski like out of us out of like some sort of fancy swimming pool like yeah and and i think this is the one where he could get seriously hurt. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm being sarcastic.

It's all their shit. They can get seriously hurt. Yeah. He jumps it, like, out of the fucking yard. Like, through over a ramp. This is only 50 seconds. Let's watch this. All right.

All right. I was just watching it. Three, two, one, play. I'm Johnny Knoxville. This is the jet ski. Dude. Holy shit. Yeah.

Holy shit. You just barely clipped the top. Look how scared he is. And it wasn't like... Like, he jumped it downhill. Yeah, that's nothing. I'm completely unimpressed with this stunt. Oh, I think it's funny. I don't know what matches this.

Teenage Woody would have done this. Like, I had a jet ski. Teenage Woody would have to pump his dick up with the pump. I had a jet ski and we would jump waves and we would get more air than that 15 times a day. In the water. You did it into the water. Into the water, that's true. But he just did it

onto a downhill slope like motorcyclists. You know how they jump up and they land on the decline ramp? But when you land on a decline ramp on a motorcycle, that momentum carries and you continue along your way. When you do it in a jet ski, you stop immediately and you break your sternum. I don't think that's true at all. I think he slid on the downside.

I mean, he came down pretty hard on those handles. Yeah, he slid on quickly. I just feel like that was a great example to me of things that in the current internet don't rank as high as they did way back in the day i don't know who matches that today yeah like there are guys who do stunts like the dudesons and uh and like do stuff you know like like like but but nothing like that like nobody is doing that i he lit his back on fire He was wearing a shirt And he reached behind him And he lit it on fire

I don't know what his master plan was But it didn't work out well And he quickly realized he wasn't that good At putting out clothing fire And that was 80 times What jumping off a hedge's jet ski thing is It's really not that much They used to ram their shopping carts into the curb

Which I imagine is unpleasant, but not big. That's their MTV show. I'm specifically talking about the movies because when they got the movies, they had production value. They were able to do the running of the bulls thing. When they're in that, they had an enormous

shopping cart, one that all of them could get in. One of the guys breaks his ankle on that and can't do the rest of the movie they filmed it sequentially i suppose um remember when they had the porta potty which was full of shit and they had it like like crazy rubber banded up to cranes and they launched steve-o in it and he's in it flying through the air like a carnival ride with shit erupting around him that sounds insane i don't remember it how did he land oh was it like a bungee jump yeah in a porta potty i remember that yeah yeah it's kind of it's uh steve-o porta potty yeah here it is it's this is a short

it's called the poo cocktail supreme like like when they zoom out and show you the setup you're just like okay there were some professionals involved with this setup the poo cocktail are you linking it yeah i i did oh it seems to be taking a moment to come through. It's like just a spinning icon next to it in Skype. If you YouTube search... There we go. Okay. He looks like a little kid sitting in that harness. Looks a little like Ice Poseidon.

Yeah, a little bit. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Who knows? Ready, set, play. I'm Steve-O, and this is the Pooh Cocktail Supreme. Oh, he has a helmet on. What's the big deal? It's a construction helmet! I know, it's a goof.

Because he's like a construction- Yeah, yeah, it's terrible. I don't even think it's strapped on. It's not. He's just sitting there on top of his head. Because it's so fast. Pooh Cocktail Supreme! Sitting there on top of his head So fast That was good Where did they just see that on the floor you can see yeah, it was all in the bottom of it You can see the shit mist surrounding it.

How did they rig it up? Cause those things aren't that durable. There's a, you can see there's like a skeleton of metal inside it. Oh! Oh, that's a... It's not a very viscous shit. He was done with this after the first bounce. You know he was.

I don't think it bounced that many times. I think we're watching different angles of the same jumps. Oh, he always throws up. I would throw up in that situation. Yeah, I might too. Oh, God. always throws up i would throw up in that situation this one kind of ties into what kyle was saying though you can find idiocy on the internet but this kind of organized expert idiocy you don't see all the time you know this is level 10 retardation look at the shit this is now this is what's hardcore about them because i feel like if someone did this today they'd use fake shit because of like the health risk right like

all the bacteria and they're getting in your potentially your eyes and mouth and stuff in the bottom of the thing i do think it it was watered down dog shit, right? Oh, do you? Yeah, I don't think that they would even do that. I can't even imagine that the jackass guys would do that with human shit. I'm reading. I thought it was human shit.

If so, then what is the consistency of all of their shits like? I have a theory on that. Well, there's water in the bottom of those things. It's like a chemical. But wait, people pee in there. I feel like we're discounting the amount of urine that would be in that.

I never thought it through. Damn it, Taylor. And you know that if this thing is about to happen, then so many of the guys from the crew would be like, oh, I got to shit so bad. I didn't shit this morning. I wanted to shit in the porta potty that Steve-O's going to be launched in. And I can just

imagine them all getting their shit in, just like they all shaved their pubes off. Remember when they all shaved their pubes off, glued it to the guy's face, and told him he was going to fake pretend to be a terrorist to a cab driver. But the joke was on him, not the cab driver, because the cab driver's a

fucking actor. and so when he starts making jokes about being a terrorist the driver fake kidnaps and pulls out a handgun and makes him get in the trunk of the car and he's in there crying. And one of the guys had crabs. Yes that's the punchline

at the very end of the bit like when they get him out of the trunk and they're like oh it was a gag it was a gag and he's like all tearful they're like he starts trying to pull the beard off and it's super glued on instead of yeah we used airplane glue yeah that's gonna and they're like oh and that's all of our pubes and they pulled down their pants and show them that they've all shaved their pubes off and and yeah it turns out one of the guys had crabs he was literally glued crabs to his face and they were getting in his mouth while the lady was applying them and he was that is like that's one of the most mean-spirited pranks they ever did because that is cruel yeah that guy was the focus of all of the like meaner shit because he was like a lower tier

cast member i feel like he was the guy who got his tooth pulled out by the lamborghini driving away right it was and they never replaced it I just remember him for years being the guy with no front tooth. Yeah, he like had an NHL player look, but clearly wasn't one. He's also the guy, and I thought this was one of the, some of the stuff is humiliating. It kind of ran the gambit with them between scary, humiliating, funny, and just excruciatingly painful. The most humiliating one was when that same guy who got the pubes glued to his face went into a hardware store and shat in a display model toilet. That's a guy who can poop on demand. Well, the first day they tried to do it, and he was saving his poop, right?

He shat himself in the van on the way there because he couldn't hold it anymore. He literally shits himself in the van. And they're all getting out vomiting because he has shat in the van. These guys vomit pretty easily. I feel like, I don't, I mean, I don't vomit from gross things ever, but if I was around

that, like, I've never been around something that gross. You know? I feel like the average mom could handle these situations. I don't don't know poop's a lot different than all your friends man you know what is going into baby poop you don't know what the hell all of these guys who at the time lots of them using drugs drinking like a fish eating like just trash i bet like that was not gerber creamy peaches shit baby poop becomes pretty much human poop when they start eating solid foods yeah when they get the bacteria in their gut okay yeah but even then yeah that's the deal like i think first few poops like don't like just literally don't smell like anything because there's no like bacteria in their gut or something

like that even that like it's our kids were breastfed for i don't smell like anything because there's no bacteria in their gut or something like that. Our kids were breastfed for, I don't know, nine months or something. It's not until they're a year old that you start slipping them Cheerios, and that's when the poop changes. Have you ever seen one of these kids who's like four, five years old, way past the age, still breastfeeding?

Yeah, I saw it in Game of Thrones. Never in real life. I was going to say that. I see it sort of... Make the man fly yeah that little tit sucker like i see it mocked often online but i've never seen like an actual case of it but it must happen like let me do a little yeah what is the oldest a kid can who did it too long you know two and a half or something but certainly not five how what's how long is too long for here's an eight-year-old child who breastfeeds all right let's watch this yeah but mom i wanted the new pokemon game steve you're not latching there's no video of her actually doing it here. Forget this.

Yeah, when the kid can ask for you to pop your tit out, it's time to put it away. We can't watch this video because her titty's in it. This is a YouTube video. The kid is complimentary about the whole thing. Maybe you get addicted to that.

Don't open the video, Woody, because as soon as you start watching it, there is a toddler of eight years old, I think, on her titty. Wait, the top one or the bottom one are you saying? The second one. Yeah, so I'm watching it, but I'm not showing it to anybody. Yeah, she's... Yeah, because we have a cuddle in Titty, don't we?

Eight years. So it's Titu time for her. She's like, it's almost bedtime, right? And the kid's like, with the titty in her mouth, like, uh-huh. Yeah, there's that boob. The kid's giving the thumbs up. Not a bad boob. Before in November.

This is weird. Why would you upload this? Huh. 4,000. I want to make sure that 3 million people have seen my... Oh, my kid's going to grow up and she's going to think fondly back on these memories. This has 4,100

thumbs up, 4,100 thumbs down. That's 4,100 people who have a fetish for breastfeeding and 4,100 people who stumbled upon this doing podcasts or whatever the fuck this is so weird oh jesus christ yeah i mean the comments seem to kind of agree like once they get to be eight i feel like this is more of like a bonding issue for the mother and letting go than it is for the kid wanting to do this.

You know, it's a child. They're going to do whatever they're told. They don't know that this is weird. But at least it's saved for eternity online. But if you're open minded about it, is the kid not getting something from it? Like it's cuddle time, right? Like your kids snuggle up to you watch you watch television without the breastfeeding if you're open-minded about

the breastfeeding aspect of it are you sure that it's not i bet the kid likes it i'm so positive this is weird kids will like lots of things that are wrong though like like like like that's that i'm sure many pedophiles have made this argument she likes it like yeah i'm sure she's she's eight bob yeah but she enjoys herself i show her a good time uh you know i think they're gonna take her out to chucky cheese suckling on it like a little hamster probably bonding with her mom getting getting some of that whatever's in breast milk that's supposed to be so good um happy seemingly okay kid all right then she's gonna be an olympian if uh breast milk is really that great like i know it's very important in the first like year or so to do it because it is it that's a real thing it is genuinely, much better to breastfeed your children than to put them on formula.

It's just healthier. But eight years? That's fucked. That's fucked if for no other reason than this little girl is going to grow up and know that millions and millions of people have watched her do something that they almost unanimously decried as fucking weird.

I don't think that kid is eight. I have a theory about it. I I don't think that kid is eight. I have a theory about it. I was thinking that looks like a young eight. I think that maybe she's been breastfeeding for eight years across a couple kids. That kid might be four or five. I still think five is probably ridiculous, right? Oh, yeah, most people would.

You're in kindergarten still sucking tit. Well, I'm 45. Yeah, most people would. You're in kindergarten still sucking tit. Oh, I'm 45. Yeah, that's true. But, like, do you really want one of your formative memories to be you opening your eyes and seeing a chest full of your mom's tits and you sucking on her nipple? No. Maybe it's beneficial that we got that out of the way before we start forming memories. Not everything you're going to do is going to be your favorite thing to do. Yeah, but the kid doesn't have a

choice. He's just like, alright, it's dinner time. And the kid's like, I don't know. I guess so. I guess this is what we do. Yeah, the kid is going to pick up what's normal from its parents. His or her parents, its parents. Anyway, I don't know. I'm just trying to wrap my head around, like, is there some other

universe? What if I don't know. I'm just trying to wrap my head around, like, is there some other universe? Is there some other? What if? I don't know what she was, Russian or something. But would you feel this strongly if it was a tribe that had never made contact with humanity or something like that? Right? We're deep in the Brazilian, Chilean, African forest. And the kids breastfeed until they're five. I wouldn't blame them as much because it's like i don't know you get a lot of passes from me if you're still living in like mud huts

and like a bick lighter would blow them away or like an ipad would confuse the shit out of them like you know like that yeah but that's what they have to do to survive but she's yeah she's on youtube she's holding up her phone doing this like there's there's so much food available for her to feed that kid kids gotta get used to chewing sooner or later like i don't know i mean this is probably freud freudian and not like confirmed but it seems like this is a way to surefire make some some issues for the kid in the future sexually yeah that kid's gonna maybe that kid's gonna have some weird fetish now when when she grows up like having her boobs kind of sucked sucking someone else's boobs maybe maybe like like that fetish but but maybe she wants to like nurse her husband while they watch tv and he's like no i've told you i'm not into it just get off kyle not everything

you do is going to be your favorite thing to do. How would you feel if you were sitting with your newly pregnant wife? She just gave birth, and she wants you to taste test that milk, make sure it's all good for the kid. Are you going to latch on, do your damnedest, or are you going to say, try it yourself you fucking weirdo i don't know um i think i'd give it a go i don't care it's my wife i would do it i'm just not sure if i would i think i would do it um we've talked about this before like i would i would definitely try breast milk i i'm i'm open to the idea and i'd want it to be like someone i was in it like you wouldn't want to be like drinking the titty milk off some hookup, right?

You don't know what's in there. Like it tastes like Bacardi. This is some 40 proof titty milk. It'll get you drunk. Oh my God. Did we just come up with the greatest product ever? Second time in a row now. Alcoholic titty milk?

I know this is version 2.0. Alcoholic titty milk has a market this is version 2.0. Alcoholic titty milk has a market. Okay? Titty milk is gross. Tilk was a silly, jokey idea. But alcoholic titty milk. In Malaysia? Oh.

They'll guzzle it down. Yeah, you keep the chicks on a steady diet of, like, tasty liqueurs and alcohols. Only, like, coconut rum. Or even that orange liqueur we alcohols. Only coconut rum or even that orange liqueur we were drinking the other night. It's like orange dreamsicle. Your overhead for this company is going to be bananas.

If you're feeding them the tastiest liqueurs just to get a portion of that turned into tit milk. We're just fine at Mad Max. You only hire alcoholics. BYOB. Bring your own boob. And your own beer. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I'm going to tell everyone about Stitch Fix. You can tell a guy who's got style, he always looks great and seems confident,

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I liked all the stuff that I got from stitch fix i i was i was very pleasantly surprised when it arrived and i liked all the stuff very good so are we are we settled on the tit milk thing or are we uh i'm recruiting online as we speak i'm multitasking right now just one page looks took the personals down ah that confused me because they were still there and then i clicked on them and explained that they were taken down so only the links are there but that's how i got mixed up all right chis link this thing like i never watched smallville did did you taylor i know it's the the super man show but i don't i've never seen it yeah same like like it seemed to me like i maybe watched one episode and the deal i believe at least early on in the show was you had like an undercover clark kent who doesn't you know he's still living

in his like in smallville kansas i think he's growing up he's growing up hiding his powers like adjusting to them. I think they're virgining powers, like he's gaining more and more expertise with them and stuff. And it seemed kind of like, I don't know, like a team, like a Dawson's Creek, but Superman is stuck in there kind of thing. I know later on, like it becomes more of a superhero kind of show. But early on, the episode I saw, I wasn't into it, so I'm not a big expert on it. But apparently, I'm just going to read the headline. Smallville actor Allison Mack pleads not guilty to sex cult charges.

I guess she played Chloe Sullivan in Smallville for 10 seasons. God, went on for 10 years. She's been arrested for her involvement in a sex cult called, I don't know how to pronounce this, Nixivm? Nixivm. Terrible, terrible branding. They want to make sure

that nobody can Google it unless you know what you're Googling. It's Nixvm 643. Yeah, my sex cult has much better branding than this. Kyle's Gals. Also known as Nixvim Ox. So here's just a little bit of details.

It says, Nixvim, which is reportedly run out of a townhouse in Half Moon, New York, was publicly branded as a self-help group. Rainier, 57, allegedly blackmailed women into becoming sex slaves and branded their skin with his and Mack's initials. Federal authorities said Rainier had a rotating group of 15 to 20 women with whom he maintained sexual relationships. Prosecutors allege that Mack lured women into a society within Nixivn known as The Vow, which was called a women's mentorship group. She reportedly forced the potential entrants to provide collateral in the form of compromising photos or statements. Damn. So there you go.

It doesn't seem like a wholesome group. I'd give this one two thumbs down. I just assumed that she was on the edges of it or also a victim or something but she was the key recruiter for the new sex victims yeah she was the one bringing girls in and then being like hey no just tell rainier uh a story or whatever and then oh now sorry we're gonna tell them all about the story you just told her the pictures you just divulged and if not we're gonna or if you do we're gonna brand you look you're a part of the group now not everything is gonna be your favorite thing taylor yeah okay this is taylor open your eyes god i feel like such a fool and a bigot

now now now how do we feel about this uh i wish there was a picture of like the cult leader this this gentleman who's like running the calling the I suppose. Because I want to see what the kind of man who gets this very hot Smallville actress to be his slave and then says, I'm going to need you to recruit about 15 more side hoes, get some blackmail information on them, and then work them in on a biweekly rotation. I want them coming and going left and right,

and you're going to be like the madam of my own personal whorehouse, apparently, where no one gets paid but me. Like, if this guy were a Mormon, it would make sense, because they're raised to do this sort of thing. But good Lord, a Gentile making these kind of moves? I don't think that Mormons trap you in a sex cult and brand you. Are you familiar with the Church of Latter-day Saints? I think not.

More than you, good sir. Yeah, I've lived around those folks. And to my knowledge, I didn't notice any branded women. Right? I've lived around those folks. And to my knowledge, I didn't notice any branded women. Right? That's what always, every time I see a guy who has like, I don't know, three to 19 sexual active partners going on at one time right now, when they know about each other and stuff,

I'm amazingly impressed, right? So there were, why do I have 19 in my head? Were there 19 women who were like you know what it's between 15 and 20 okay this guy's so awesome i will settle for one 18th of him right is he that incredible is he that charismatic and good looking and buff or whatever it is that that a guy provides that gets a girl that This guy is so good at it that he can provide it for 15 to 20 people at a time. Your question will be answered as soon as you click that Google link to look at Keith Rainier.

I tasted it. He's got a Stephen... Oh, I didn't even notice. Look at that Stephen King hair. Yeah, he looks like Stephen King. He looks like a creep. I think more of it had to do with all the threats, or not, like threats of releasing their info or pictures,

you know, where it was probably not like, oh, Keith, I want you so bad. It was like, well, I kind of have to do this now because this tricksy bitch from Smallville, you know, duped me into this, and now he has tons of pictures of me naked and a bunch of criminalizing statements or something. People will repeatedly fuck you in a sex cult

so that their news don't get out? If you're an aspiring young actress, absolutely. Yeah. Good to know. Well, this Allison Mack girl seems like a real bitch. It seems like she needs a new partner. That's what I'm thinking. Oh, look at this.

This is interesting. DOS masters, including the defendant, groomed the slaves for sex with Rainier by requiring them to adhere to extremely restrictive diets and not remove their pubic hair, and by requiring them to remain celibate and not to masturbate. um including the they directed their slaves to have sex with him received financial benefits in the form of continued status and participation in dos i don't know what dos is i guess that's the the group another word for the the vixen or whatever the fuck as well as financial opportunities from rainier i think he was like you know hooking him up with uh with jobs uh citing the severity of the charges yeah she could get 15 years minimum if she's convicted the the lady who was like procuring them i want to see the the the brands or the tattoos or whatever uh i wonder yeah i'm curious i wonder i bet they were really shitty victims like were any of them like i don't know i get laid on the regular and in jobs. I don't think that's the case.

No? No, I don't think any of them were like, oh, I get laid on the reg from this Stephen King-looking motherfucker. Like, no. Damn, that's bizarre. How do you start something like that? Well, let me tell you, Taylor. First, you want to get a corporate.

All right? You want to receive full tax benefits from this organization. You don't want to be losing an arm and a leg on your sex cult. All right? It's the child system. First, you capture them. Someone help me. I ended up this quick. Then you yell at them. You yell at them.

You capture them. Hey, you will fuck me! You capture the youth and then lovingly exploit them ah thank you and then you love them yeah and lovingly exploit them yeah um this is pretty fucked this is pretty fucked uh chis pointed out there's a uh there's a documentary on netflix right now uh what's it called again with wild wild country uh it was one of the biggest sex cults ever i think and i just saw like a brief. I don't know how many people were in this thing, but I'm going to guess

500 were in it. And they're all dressed like those Tibetan monks with the sort of red robes and stuff. And they just moved into this small Midwestern town or something like that. I've been meaning to watch it. I don't know very much

about it. But that stuff, Oregon from 81 to 85 jesus christ yeah i found an article i'm gonna look at some of this and they committed a bioterror attack in 84 i guess that was their downfall a a bioterror they couldn't keep it to sex they had to they had to be terrorists we're into polygamy and uh love and peace and bioterror. What was that last part? Peace? No, no, no, no. There was one more.

The bioterror. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's one of the many things we're into. It's no big deal. It's one of the focus of the bioterror. It's mostly the love and the peace in the bioterror. You did it again. What kind of bioterror attack did they grow?

It seems like there could be a sex cult. Salmonella. How is a sex cult so much different than a swingers club? Because at swingers clubs, you decide to go. Yeah. And in a sex cult, I mean mean you're blackmailed to stay yeah you're blackmailed or you know they prey upon people's beliefs there's there's there's usually a a patriarch who's sort of running the thing and and there'll be like swingers clubs have a hottest guy or something the The guys are not in demand at all at swingers clubs.

The way it works is like a single female gets in for free. A couple gets in for like, let's say $50 or $100. And there are no single men. Single men aren't allowed to come to these things. Well, wouldn't the ratio be off then? That's the idea. Yeah, there's always going to be more guys than girls. Because lots of-

No. If you only allow single girls and couples, then there'll be more guys than girls. No. If you only allow single girls and couples, then there'll be more girls than guys. Oh, yeah. That's why I was saying that single men aren't allowed. Because if you allowed single men, it'd always be a sausage fest. Yeah, that's the desired ratio,

is that there's more ladies than men. Because lots of the ladies like to get it on with each other. Anyway, and oftentimes in a lot of swingers clubs, there's just not a lot of gay men. And it looks like, the way I lot of swingers clubs, there's just not a lot of gay men. And it looks like the way I imagine most swingers clubs is not like porn. I imagine it like it's always sunny when Dennis and Frank show up at that ridiculous orgy.

He's like, what is the password? Orgy. And he says that. He goes in. It's just a bunch of fat, ugly people in masks. And he's like, this is like a naked buffet party.

This is nobody's even having sex. Like that's how I picture most of these swingers parties. Not like porn, like a lot of fat, mostly unattractive people kind of sloppily banging in someone's musky smelling living room. I think you'd be very surprised. Have you ever gone?

Probably not. But I know someone has. Probably not you'd be very surprised. Have you ever gone? Probably not. But I know someone who has. Well tell me about the person who has gone. Well, basically what I just explained to you was the pricing model of the situation and that many of the people there are quite good-looking. They have you send in a picture and they either accept you or deny you. You don't just show up at the door like, hey, we're here. We're here for the orgy. It's not like that. What did the guy that you spoke to say it was like first walking in and what the environment was like?

You know, the whole – It was a – Except the stage, based on what he said. It was a very nice house that had been probably rented, but it was like a mansion almost with many bedrooms, and there was sort of a central area where there was music and drinks and sort of light partying and then once you went down a hallway there was a room where you could change into a robe and once you left that room you went further down the hallway and at that point it was

robes or less only like there would be no one walking around with like jeans and a t-shirt like hey what's going on in this oh shit all right none of that everyone is in robes underwear or completely nude at that point going forward everyone was getting dressed in the same room there was not a separate changing room for the ladies and men and then there are bedrooms where there's stuff happening and and you know you sort of ask if you are uh wanted in those situations and again there's many there's much the ratio of women to men is is what a man would prefer it to be that guy how do you go about asking in that situation do you go want to fuck or do you just kind of start moving into the motions of this with someone in there who kind of gives you a side eyes? Like what what's it like in that dark, stinky musky room?

Well, as a man, I would imagine that you would you would allow the ladies to come to you and or you and your lady, depending what you were looking for that night. But if you're a lady, you can just you can be the aggressor in these situations and sort of just go up to whoever you want at this point. Like you don't need to be it all shy and coy, right? You're wearing nothing but a robe. Oh, teehee! If you're the girl who's wearing nothing but a robe in the back room of a swingers... The virgin act is over.

Yeah, right? It's like those posts on Reddit you see where they're like, teehee, I'm a little shy, here's my shaved asshole. It's like, your face is in the mirror, you whore. You're not shy. But anyway, go ahead, Kyle. Sorry. I think that's the width and the breadth of my...

How much did you pay to get in this place? Is it like $100 or $1,000? I think it was like $150 for a couple to get in. Did they provide, based on what your friend said, snacks and drinks and things? Absolutely. Because it would be a rip-off. Okay, well, thank God.

You're going to want some Totino's right after that. I guess it doesn't matter. Because Taco Bell catered. Oh, I would not want that. I'm catering my sex party. I got the Jalupa. Ah, my pussy's burning. It's on fire.

It's got so much fucking cinnamon powder from those so kyle when you it's a sex club so i i think i have my head in the entire wrong space on this but when you strip away everything and make people either naked or identically clothed you strip away a lot of tells about a person right like if a woman is in like torn jeans and a dirty t-shirt that might tell you one thing about her whereas if she comes in in an evening gown you might guess something else about her but when they all become dressed identically does that just go away do you just really care about what her ass looks like and well i don't care what a lady's wearing to begin with anyway um but you do

there is that there is that initial room where everyone is just sort of mingling like a normal party and everyone is sort of dressed nicely no one is in torn jeans every most almost all the ladies are in something like a dress or a skirt and like a crop top type thing and all the guys are wearing like button up button up shirts and slacks and stuff like that nobody's just like stumbling into this place again like like there's you don't just you don't just knock on the door and say orgy you're like yeah we're we're expected they let people eat shrimp so so what uh what is is it kind of just like hey everybody who comes in here you're taking an std dice roll or is it like a paperwork guy at the front where he's like all right you got tested for the big four you're good condoms condoms well it doesn't this doesn't sound like fun at all anymore

i'm going in bare whether you like it or not. The Taylor way. The raw dog room. Okay, so it's all condoms. But that doesn't answer the question of oral sex, unless you're getting blown in a condom, in which case, why bother? And you're going down on girls with a dental dam or something? Oh, the dental dam seems so lame. It's a case-by-case basis, right?

There may be a chick who's like, yeah, just let's go. You don't need a need protection and you know some men if you're real degenerate you travel with your paperwork right you know like like you you have i don't see that as degenerate i see that guy is showing up like a guy at the dmv with all of his shit in order he's like i gotta no syphilis no hiv no gonorrhea no chlamydia let me in also. Also, here's my birth certificate. Here's my phone bill and proof of residence, of course. Yes, yes.

Here's my license. I'm sorry. It's a temporary. I had to get it printed. Yeah. If you've got your paperwork, it might be a little bit easier to swing some sort of a raw dog scenario. But I wouldn't advise another thing i'm curious about since there are so many bedrooms in this palatial fuck estate is it more like you're picking a woman or rather she's picking you the way you phrased it and then you guys go fuck or is this often devolving into a big sweaty

group session in one particular room usually like three people are in the bed and then maybe like a husband is like watching on the side or there's a couple of girls kind of giggling, watching on the side. There's not a whole room. It's not really orgy is not the way to describe it. More more like like a three way happening and maybe one more person in the room with many bedrooms. Like it's literally like a mansion has been rented for this sort of scenario to go down or the person hosting, you know, the person hosting is a wealthy person and they've just got a palatial estate in North Carolina, perhaps.

What's the proper way to tell the husband to leave? Oh, I wouldn't know anything about that. You'd have to ask Chiz about that sort of thing. Now, Kyle, if you were in an... Taylor needs help in this scenario. Don't believe me. You start by saying, please, sir, put the handgun down.

Well, he wanted to come there. And so you're explaining it like you or your friend, rather, are in bed with a lady, that guy's wife. I'm not describing that at all. like no like like the scenario what i'm describing is maybe where a guy and a girl show up at a party and they grab another girl oh okay i thought you were talking about like some i thought you said some husband standing there watching and i was like the party in general that certainly will occur in one of the many rooms i'm sure had a friend who i'm 90 sure

really got off at people liking his wife yeah they used to go to strip clubs all the time and she would like get real flirty with the strippers and i think for him the coolest part about it was everybody wished they could fuck her that they could be with a girl like that you know yeah i had a fan when we were remember when we were at the tilted kilt in chicago uh a fan and his wife were trying to get me to go back with them and i think the deal was that i was gonna give it to the wife while maybe he watched and i was drunk enough that i was like maybe so but then if you remember how that night continued onward, I kept getting it.

I got so drunk that, like, sex was not going to happen. You would have been, like, sitting in the corner yourself, like, honestly, guys, I have no interest. You guys just do it. I want you to go. Can you call me an Uber? I've got to go home. Woody, Woody.

My friend Woody might be available. No, he says no. He says no. No, no. Stop. You're just mashing it now. She's mashing it. Was there any thought in your head, Kyle,

that at the time they were asking you that? Like, maybe not because you were so drunk, but you were like, ah, this is almost, this could be a ruse to get me involved into a threesome with another man and his wife. Yeah. Because that is, you got to be careful of a devil's threesome. Yeah. And I wouldn't have minded that, but it seemed like it might be a M, M.

So there's two kinds of devil's threesomes. Okay. There is the M, F, M, the male, female, male. There is the M-F-M, the male-female-male. And by the joining of the letters, you've got a man on one end, a female in the middle, and another man on the other end of the female. And then, of course, there is the dreaded M-M-F. Wait, I thought that all – I didn't know that the order of the letters made a difference. It does. M-F-M is like when you make an Eiffel Tower or capital A or call it what you want, right?

Spit roast. MMF is when guy goes in guy, middle guy goes in girl. Any way you can put those Legos together, right? Oh, man. There's a lot of... Yeah, yes. If those M's are next to each other, then those guys are next to each other. And that might not be what you're looking for.

Yeah. Although I'll say... What am I going to say? Not everything you do is going to be your favorite thing that you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I were with a girl and she was like, fuck this other guy, not everything you want to do is going to be your favorite. I'm going to be like, you're right, this is over.

You enjoy that. Like, I'm not fucking with you. Really? So there's no way we could put the mmf together to coordinate those legos where you'd be down considering the chick is like a 10 it's terry hatcher in her prime and i only know you said you said mmf means that you have to enter a man no no you could be entered the enterer yeah i mean what if she's like look look look i really want you Taylor, but it turns me off to watch you get blown by him, too.

Yes, exactly. That's where I was going. He is going to suck your dick a little. A little. Or at the very – all right, so here's the scenario. Here's the exact scenario. You're fucking her doggy style. Where's Titus for this?

Oh, he was not going to be down for this. We had to like PG-13 things a little bit. Right from the start, he was like, yeah, yeah i was on this other podcast and they started talking about beastie alley and i was like what the fuck i'm not even doing this with you and i was like oh shit let me like crumpling up notes for the night and throw them over my shoulder like all right no we were literally about to talk about some beastie alley it's what we do here so um no here's the scenario you're fucking the chick doggy style. He's going to be underneath

licking her pussy from the bottom. They're in a 69 position with him on the bottom. Okay? He's going to lick your balls a little. A little. The fact that you thought about it means I've already won. You took too long to say no, and I've won.

No, Kyle, I think you did win. And by the way, he's making this decision with a clear head right now and struggling. You get him up there in Hornhead, and this decision gets easier. Again, this is 1990. It's going to get harder because you're going to walk into the room, and you're going to see another man there. Like reality will come crashing down when you're going to see another man there. Like reality will come crashing down when you're like,

that guy's got stubble. You're going to feel a little bit of stubble on your nutsack. And yes, Chiz, I've seen lots of men naked. I played sports in locker rooms my whole life. It's just I never made any contact with them naked. This is 1992. That was not aroused naked. That was getting clean after getting sweaty naked.

This is 1992. Just boys being boys. Just boys being boys. Yeah, that's near what I'm describing. Yeah, 1992 Terry Hatcher, though. She's smoking hot. Alright? She hasn't done Superman even yet. The Adventures of Clark

Kent or whatever. She's nowhere near that face where she went crazy and got old. That hasn't come yet. She's fucking near that face where she went crazy and got old. That hasn't come yet. She's fucking smoking hot. You'd be on board. Well, what is it called if that scenario, like what you said is happening? You said

MMF is you're getting banged in the ass, or are you just meaning that that's sexual contact between men? It's a three-way in which there will be some sexual content between the two men's a three-way in which there will be some sexual content between the two men that is not merely incidental.

I don't like that. It seems like it would take you out of the mood, right? You're fucking a pretty girl and then you see protruding from where her head is, you see her nice lovely lady shape, and then you see two hairy man legs

sticking out beyond her well that could happen in an mfn right i i feel like even if you're both devoting your attention well i mean like what if it's double penetration or something then you know like these things happen i think it'd just be more fun to have two two ladies that's definitely the winning combo. If you're going to double team on a guy, I'm sorry, if you're going to double team on a girl, the guys are going to have at least incidental contact.

And preferably it's FFM. And that means that the girls are going to be fucking too. Yes, the girls are not... Because you could have a scenario. Yeah. You could have a scenario where the girls aren't, are only having incidental contact with one another.

Or you could have a scenario where you do things like, fuck the girl doggy style. Once she goes down on girl number two. That sounds fantastic. Yes. Yes, it is. Or they're 69ing and you're sort of like running from one end of them to

the other, you know, fucking them doggy style. Yeah, you put them both in doggy style and then switch back and forth. Yeah, you get them to do it on like a rotating ottoman, so you can like spin them like the Wheel of Fortune. That's the double 69 situation. And whoever comes last has to get dressed and go get food. Wait, wait, why not whoever comes first go get food,

and then you guys can continue? Right? You just sort of tap out and then provide snacks for the rest. Because I'm going to come last, and then I get to leave. I'm not coming back with the food. I'll have one number eight combo as you drive away. Dumb horse. I have her ID.

I have their ID. So, Kyle, i gotta ask you that that same question where are you at with the you're fucking whatever the hell you said her name was from 1992 yeah in doggy style and there's a nice hairy legged man laying underneath her and he's gonna give your your your balls a little what for a little arrest a little lick i'mress? A little lick? I'm just going to have to deal with it. I'm just going to have to deal with it. You know, like maybe I can adjust my thrust so he's just like, ah, ah, ah. He's like, I can't reach him.

I'm like, oh, sorry. He's making it up. He's a devoted guy. Oh, he's really cranking that neck to get in there deep. I just imagine him like, you're like, okay, the licking's not so bad. And then all of a sudden, he's like got them in his mouth mouth and there's a little teeth so you know you can't pull away and you're just like oh i guess i'm stuck here for the duration and don't you think that as soon as you felt that you you'd start to to lose your heart on i don't think as long as i i think as long as i don't look, I think it's going to be completely fine.

I think it's going to be completely fine. And I got to tell you, I just watched that Star Trek episode with Terry Hatcher, and she's just so, so fucking hot. And I guess what I'm saying is any really hot chick in general. Yeah, yeah. But you don't know it's a guy. I can't recall Terry Hatcher being that hot. Oh, man, she's so hot like like 1993 terry hatcher early 90s terry hatcher i'm looking for a great picture there's there's lots of good

ones but i'm a big fan i like the dark hair and she's got really she's got big boobs uh she's pretty seems intelligent i like pretty to seem intelligent usually during pka i actively lose knowledge i had about subjects i used to think i knew about now i actually learned that mfm mmf mff that actually all means different things all depending on the order absolutely so if i had man but it would seem like fmm and mmf are the same no because it depends if there's gonna be lesbian action no no no in each case there were two we would say an fmm and mmf yeah M M F. Yeah. Two M's, two, one F no matter what.

Oh, now, now I, I would imagine that the first letters are the more dominant letters. Those are the ones that, that are me too. Yeah. Like M M F.

And she's just a toy brought into their sex life. Yeah. Uh, S M M. And it's a lady and her man. And she is the dominant one. Like, yeah, now he's going to fuck. But I think we made that up. FMM and it's a lady and her man and she is the dominant one like yeah now he's gonna fuck you

I don't know that we can count on that yeah I agree I agree with you but it's just it's just how it feels yeah it's just how it feels yeah this is this is actual clips from the images from the Star Trek episode that I watched today that have me on this Terry Hatcher bandwagon. If you scroll down to

figure three. Are these all safe for work? Oh, absolutely, yeah. So this is the gal that you're willing to get your nutsack fondled by a nice grizzly gentleman for. No one said a nice grizzly gentleman. I would prefer if it's literally the guy in frame number two that's hitting on

her. He's got a ponytail. He's kind of doing like a Han Solo bit with him. He's got a ponytail. They're doing a Han Solo bit with him. He's sort of like the rogue who flies like a freighter through space by himself. He's kind of got a Carrie Ewells vibe about him. Oh, Carrie Ewells? He's wearing the puppy shirt!

Now, Princess Bride Carrie Ewells, you could suck him all day. She's pretty, but I don't know how she attained this unusually pretty by Hollywood standards. I think she is perfection.

Her face is incredible. Just top tier. In frame number three, you can see her figure a little bit better. That dress is a little bit doesn't really show it off well, honestly. The uniform does she's she's got a very small waist she's got big boobs are you sure you mean frame number three because you might be four one two three oh i mean four i mean when she's sitting on the bed

i think she looks there too i like terry hatcher there or i i prefer jerry ryan if we're if we're really going to Star Trek, only Star Trek hotties. Jerry Ryan from Star Trek Voyager. Oh, my fucking God. She's wearing that suit. Here's a little factoid. The suit she's wearing was so goddamn tight, she passed out on multiple occasions on set. But I think that's partly a cheat.

You know, like that suit, it's a performance enhancing suit it's shaping her it's turning her into the perfect female form but if you and i squeezed into it we'd be a half decent female form in that suit no you know let me show you not look good in that suit here you go let me let me show you what jerry Jerry Ryan looks like in lingerie then. I don't think that there was a whole lot of shaping going on. Look, I mean, this is safe for work. She's wearing like panties and a bra. Yeah, I think so.

She's fucking perfect. And this is when she's older. This is like five, eight years after. Okay. She's perfect. She's beautiful. But she's older. This is like five, eight years after. Okay. She's perfect. She's beautiful, but she's human. In the suit, it's like a corset almost. It cinches down her midsection

more than we're seeing in lingerie. Now, I'm not saying she's not beautiful. She's got almost no ribs. She looks like she's one of those ladies who has had a rib removed to be even skinnier. I want to compare it to the suit. Huge fan of Jerry Ryan. And I would want her to be wearing all that metal

shit on her face, too, like from the show. Who was the musician who removed a rib, allegedly, so he could suck his dick? His own penis. Didn't someone do that? I'm looking that up. Marilyn Manson.

Thank you, Chiz. Is that real or is that one of those ridiculous rumors? That sounds like a ridiculous rumor. I choose to believe. His girlfriend or fiance or wife or whatever was smoking hot. You ever see her? I'm looking at her in the suit. I mean, she's beautiful

either way, but I can see that the suit is performance enhancing. It's definitely squeezing her in and giving her more hourglass than she had in lingerie. Yeah. He was engaged to Rose McGowan from 99 to 2001. Marilyn Manson was. And then there's another chick that was even hotter, I thought, than Rose McGowan that he ended up with afterwards. I don't know how he's making that happen. Oh, Dita Von Teese? I don't know who that is. Yeah, I don't know what she does, but I'm going to show you a picture of her.

She's got a very interesting look. Just to be clear all these women are super hot yeah oh yeah yeah you know they're all far hotter women than we are men we're just being judgy i guess it's like you know oh my god joe rogan's so rich yeah that's true i don't know what he's worth but i'm saying like 50 million but if we're talking about rich people there are richer rich people yeah sure well in any case dita von t's in any case that's how three ways work and swingers clubs work and uh i think you'd be surprised that the the ladies there and the gentlemen are all of you know they're not skeezy nasty nasty, overweight, hairy people. Like, you would assume that they are. Right.

Is there a time after everybody's finished and everything's wrapping up where you kind of just hang out and enjoy the snack bar and drinks for a bit and you talk about yourself? Or is it more like, all right, I'm out? Yeah, everybody networks. You know, you see what's going on. You play some video games, usually an Xbox setup. You just destroy everyone.

Take my card. No, not that one. That one's wet, actually. That's funny. Yeah, I didn't get the question fully answered. But because everyone strips down and dresses the same, the whole socioeconomic thing is removed. It's gone.

It doesn't exist right there's no four people there a same thing happens in the army you know whatever background you come from is sort of gone ish because now you're all in the same spot i just it's weird to me dating without that information it's not dating so that's oh yeah i don't think you're taking any of these women home to your parents you know because i'm sure most of them showed up with some other guy who pressured them into it and then a couple super super nympho kind of gals right that kind of dynamic mixed bag mixed bag okay hopefully they have some powerful extra strength condoms when you're dipping in that company ink all night.

You don't know what's in there. I mean, I don't think it's any worse than... I think it's better than fucking a porn star. Speaking of which, Cohen pled the fifth today. People don't know Cohen is Donald Trump's personal lawyer

and fixer or whatever. He pled the fifth today so as not to incriminate himself regarding the payoff to Stormy Daniels. I was wondering how that was going to get back to porn. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, Kyle says something about fucking a porn star. And Donald reportedly did not use a condom with any of those ladies, neither the Playboy, Playmate, or Stormy Daniels. Both of those ladies reported that Donald went in raw.

Did they? Yeah. Donald has yet to deny, I've always raw dogged. When you're worth a billion dollars, you have towers, you don't have to wear rubber. They come right up to you, they take the rubber out of your wallet,

they throw it away and say, I don't need this. It's funny you mention that. It's funny you mention that. Howard Stern asked him that very question years back. Said he always used a condom. Hmm. You know, but I... We're talking about a guy who says whatever satisfies the room.

Right? I think if I asked him to use a condom, he would answer whatever he thought I wanted to hear. Perhaps. Or whatever he'd like to... Whatever foot he thought was best to put forward. Exactly. We're on the same page there. You know, whatever he thought made him look better is the one that he'll say yeah oh yeah

he's a condom yeah yeah sure sure sure like what if he knocked up one of those that's the huge shocker if like a lady comes forward and she's like i've got a little donald trump this is Timmy. Wah, wah. I knew you'd do it. It's been five, two long since I've got that kid. I'm only two years old. I've got six more years of that thing. That's funny. I don't know that the, like, of the controversies that Trump is in or that Trump's universe is in,

there's a guy right now talking about how he routinely, he only talks to lobbyists that give him lots of money that's a big story right now um so a politician it seems like so he's kind of a politician there i was like so i heard it and i'm supposed to be mr no lobby outraged and uh then i'm like well what would i say if i was on the red team oh that this is par for the course you know that everyone takes money from lobbyists. And that's not really fair. Like lots of people go like pretty much every politician goes in saying, oh, I'm not going to do the whole lobbyist thing. But like Trump especially hammered on that, you know, being like, I'm an outsider. I'm not a I'm not a I'm draining this lobbyist guy, you know. And so it almost to me seems particularly annoying when he does that kind of shit you know yeah now to be clear this is the guy that he hired to oversee the banks um i forgot his name already obviously because i'm me but uh uh and and now he's saying you know

hey guys you got to start giving money to us if you want to be heard on on the issues that matter to you that to me like if that doesn't stick the fact that he fucked someone 15 years ago like this is just the blue team getting a kick out of watching yeah do you see uh kanye has been going off on twitter today tell me what he said why is he have the democrats so mad i'm gonna to look up his feed and just go through some. Basically, like the last couple of days, he's been tweeting like, oh, they don't want you to think. They don't want you to do this. Thought crimes are a real thing now and just that kind of thing.

And so he's been tweeting. He tweeted himself with his MAGA hat on or MAGA hat on. And he's like, my MAGA hat signed. And it was signed, and it got a bunch of traction from him. A lot of his followers don't like it. He said stuff like Obama was in office for eight years and nothing in Chicago changed, and talking about how much he wants to, you know, re-meet with Trump. And then Trump tweeted at Kanye today and just, like like subtweeted his like maga hat and was like

very cool or uh or let me let me find it what it is it's just a trump way to say it he was like uh he's saying he subtweeted uh kanye west said you don't have to agree with Trump, but the mob can't make me not love him. We are both dragon energy. He is my brother. I love everyone. I don't agree with everything anyone does, but that's what makes us individuals. And we have the right to independent thought. And Trump goes, thank you, Kanye.

Very cool. He said they have dragon energy. Dragon energy. I like that a lot. I like that a lot. I like that a lot. It's the new tiger blood. Didn't Kanye... What does Kanye mean by dragon energy?

We can't know. If anything, it might be the new kind of shoes he releases next week. But Trump, you know, thank you, Kanye. Very cool. Didn't Kanye just release an album? I have no idea. Or he's about to, and it only has seven songs, and people are mixed on that.

I don't know. Apparently it's a big deal. It doesn't seem like albums get released anymore. It seems like they do singles more, but I don't have my finger on the pulse of that. She said his shoe business is a billion-dollar company now. Wow. Jesus.

160 employees for Yeezys. You as funny as kanye and trump interacting on twitter is those shoes are still ugly as shit they're they're atrocious stupid ugly shoes yeah they are i don't know sometime after i passed 40 i stopped issuing judgments on what's cool now i ask hey guys like even right now i need um i want shoes for the summer right and i feel pretty good with like my sperry or vans or whatever like you know for when they fit but i want a low top hiking shoe and i'm like are these even cool and worst of all oh my god let me set myself up for this one i'll be like oh now this one catches my fit women's section foiled again so excuse me do you have any shoes that look good with large cargo shorts you're like you're like

you're like michael sir no we don't nothing looks good i'm ditching the large cargo shorts i still have some old ones i wear like exercising but but by and large i'm trying to get those out of the rotation 10 years late but work with me um oh you're working on cargo shorts you should just get athletic shorts like just the sports shorts it's way lighter more comfortable i'll actually is when the weather's right we work out in board shorts and finish like just exhausted beat and like at a low and then flop into the pool that's the way to go that's pretty that wasn't the case today it was drizzling and yucky yeah it's it's rained here maybe three days in a row and i've just been like it's it's bumming me out i just i'm just like like like like i keep looking out the window and it's just pouring. I go to go out and the rain goes down the back of my neck.

I'm just shivering my way into the car. I really hate it when it rains multiple days in a row. It's such a rough spring. It's been below average in temperature. It seems like it's been rainy. Most people don't care, but it's been windy. It's just been a bad spring. It's been a terrible spring yeah we got flurries like a week ago and it's like this is bullshit like

this remember how you said that like where you are whenever you complain someone else has like more right to complain that's how i feel with you like Like, I'll be like, man, you don't understand. It's been 66, and it should be 70 by now. You're like, it just snowed. Like, fuck. You know? Yeah. But it should be 70. Like, 10 days ago, I, like, was literally in my, like, summer clothes, like, pulling them out of boxes being like, and it's summer now.

It's 81 degrees. Gonna be great. And then two days later, I later i was like putting on my winter coat again as it was flurrying in the morning it's like this is this is bullshit and we need to to fix the climate make it hotter not not necessarily hotter just 80 all the time if we could figure out just enough carbon to pump into the atmosphere to make it always like 77 degrees. Hawaii has that. That would be perfect.

Hawaii is like 80 year round, I'm told. It was when I went there, so I have no evidence to refute it. And I very rarely check up on Hawaii weather when I'm not there. Yeah, Hawaii is great. but uh yeah hawaii is great uh yeah people jealous of like people who live in la or southern california where it's apparently just you know 60s or 70s the entire year and people are like oh i miss seasons it's like no you don't no you don't you don't miss seasons because you're like if you go back to boston in febru're not like, ah, I missed this. You're like, no, this sucks.

I was on your side until I got light winters. If winter was just like entering fall and then coming back, you'd be like, that was nice. You put on your winter clothes. You see the change of leaves, and then you switch back. It's the fact that winter snow is in April. That's what makes it suck. Yeah, like Minnesota last week got 17 inches of snow in their, like, the Minneapolis area. And it's like, God, you've got to be, like, kind of upset if you, like, wake up in the morning,

see your entire car buried in a foot and a half of snow, and then you look at your calendar and it's April 19th. Like, that sucks. I would move. I mean, they've got good hockey weather, so I wouldn't entirely move. But still, probably move. People are happier in warm climates. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm really like an nba playoff type guy sixers doing well i'm excited about that man lebron putting throwing down so many hoops

got points for days uh i saw him do that crisscross applesauce on jerome johnson and jerome looked like a fool after that and And then LeBron just posted up on him. Just posted him. Like dunked right over him. Showed him what's what. Two points, motherfucker. Ha ha. Yeah, let's go LeBron's team.

LeBron's team. That's Kyle level. No, I know it's the Cleveland Cavaliers. But that's about it. But it's funnier that way. Yeah, I don't know. I knowaliers, but that's about it. But it's funnier that way. Yeah, I don't know. I know that I won't talk about hockey. It doesn't matter.

My team isn't even in it. Did you see that Vern Schroyer died? Yeah. Yeah, I did. He drank himself to death. Like, literally drank himself until he, like, didn't wake up. Like, is that how he died? Yeah. Everyone I mentioned, i mentioned i was like oh i didn't see his death coming and they're like well he was two foot nine i'm like oh well i mean i guess what do you get stepped on like get out of here like it matters that he's two

foot nine no midgets don't live as or dwarves whatever he classified himself as don't live as long like the same way people who are like 7 feet 5 die really early, really, really teeny tiny people also die really early. So like 49 and midget years, that's like mid-80s for one of us. So Tolkien had it all wrong. He did, but he had to give the hobbits something, you know? Other than sneakiness and all that. Who did the hobbits defeat in a war

in the books well uh after the ring was uh yeah saruman after the ring was destroyed there was that final bit in the uh in the book where there was the scourge of the shire where saruman took his some of his remaining troops as well as grima Wormtongue and was resolute about capturing the Shire to build up his strength again. And when he showed up, the hobbits really, really did their best, and they sent him back, killed him, killed his forces and shit with their sneaky hobbit ways. So yeah, that was that war, the Scourge of the Shire. Because in the movies, Lord of the Rings talk talk they make it seem like elves are the elite right and then humans and dwarves are kind of second best and hobbits are just helpless little

children that they drag along because their hearts are so pure they can carry the ring yeah but in the books i won't say that they're balanced like you know i don't know overwatch characters or something but they each have their strengths and the hobbits are not weak little children being carried through this whole thing they're part of the team yeah i mean that i think that was part of like the the wholesome message of you know the the fellowship of the nine you know where they're all from different backgrounds they're all even the humans are from different backgrounds like aragorn and uh boromir from different backgrounds but they all have their own Boromir are from different backgrounds.

But they all have their own little unique thing to contribute. And then you find out that Legolas and Gimli, they should hate each other because there's an elf and a dwarf. And there's just an eon-long rivalry. And they end up becoming best friends. Man, I'm so overdue for watching that movie again. I love it. The Amazon thing is what you need. That's not coming out until 2019?

2020? Am I making that up? A year or two away. It's going to be a while. I'm intentionally not getting myself excited for it. I want to be pleasantly surprised. They're looking to get Peter Jackson to reduce, right? I think we may have spoken about this on PKN or something. You or Chiz linked that article.

But still, I love Lord of the Rings so much, I don't want to get in my own head of what it's going to be and then be disappointed. I'd rather just wait for it to come out, not read up on anything, and then just kind of try and be pleasantly surprised by whatever Lord of the Rings content comes out. The budget is promising, right? Because it's so gigantic. But not a guarantee.

If they gave me half a billion dollar budget, I could make a very shitty show. Yeah, but Peter Jackson can make a great one, especially if you give him some years of free production. I think 2019 or 2020, whenever that show comes out and the Game of Thrones spinoffs come out, because there's several of those that are going to come out. They're talking about five, but there'll be at least two or three it's gonna be a golden age of television once again i think

we're gonna come full circle like there's gonna be a lot of good tv on i i'm excited i want someone to throw a half a billion dollars at jr martin and he just spends it all on craft services let's blow it through the bank went forever Yeah, I saw J.R.R. Martin is releasing a new book, and it's like another like bullshit backstory book or something like that. It has nothing to do with the winds of winter, whatever the fifth book is supposed to be. Yeah, I've stopped caring about that book. I've stopped thinking that it's a real thing. No, no. There's going to be one more

season of Game of Thrones and that's how it will end. What a fucking letdown. What an anticlimactic way for this all to end. It had more potential than anything in the world. Everyone who watches TV was on George R.R. Martin's side

to get this done. And he couldn't fucking put his nose to the grindstone and get this shit done. Which is surprising because looking at him, he appears to be a man of great responsibility personally

and who's able to just sit there and get stuff done. I'm lying because he's morbidly obese and clearly lazy. And he's writing his own fucking fan fiction books about backstory when he should be getting this shit done. What wrong with you he doesn't do the things that his

audience wants them to do and then he just sort of spouts off and attacks the people who just want him to you know get better do a job job do the job uh like stephen king is is a kook he's a kook he's an odd guy he you know wrote a book about a bunch of 11-year-old boys having sex with an 11-year-old girl. You know, very creepy, odd stuff. He writes macabre stories. It. But yeah, it. And he even has interviews where they're like, how do you do it?

How do you write so many books? And he's like, well, I treat it like a job. And I'm like you're i'm gonna get x amount of words written today and that may take me three hours or it may take me 12 hours but no matter what i'm not stopping until that's done because i need to this is my job this is what i get done and it's like that's really really respectable as an author i don't think there's there's been any other writer who had more movies and TV shows made from their work. There's a lot of Stephen King works

that you don't even realize are movies. The Green Mile is Stephen King. There's so, so many. There are people with way better batting averages. Hank Green has, what, two books and two movies? Whereas Stephen King has 90 books and 10 movies I'm making I think I don't know who Hank Green is I know who Stephen King is he's a YouTuber but oh well his movies probably suck no uh the the Shining that's an old movie now and that was

based on one of his books yeah yeah it um uh yeah the it has uh quite the orgy in it. The sequel to It will be coming. The movie was not good. I gotta say. Chiz and I watched it and we were both like, first of all, Chiz and I recently watched The Conjuring together. It's fucking scary. Chiz didn't find it to be as scary

as maybe I had built it up to be, but when you build something up your mind can paint terrifying pictures and The Conjuring perhaps didn't live up to those however, The Conjuring is frightening there are maybe four points in the movie where I yell out loud and I'm just like, ah, fuck!

and there's at least four or five more that are really scary but it? I wasn't scared at any point during that entire movie the cgi was so it wasn't bad but it wasn't scary like when you say it wasn't scary to you do you mean there weren't any like pop-up scares that really got you or the entire feel of the movie didn't the entire way to creep you out both both um the pop-up scares you were just you're like all right here it comes here it comes and it's not even scary it's not even scary and there was no like dread built up i didn't think the scariest part of the entire movie

was the fact that the girl's father was very rapey that was the scariest thing that was the only fear throughout the whole thing was like god is he gonna fuck her like like he's getting real grabby with this 13 year old girl he's like you're still my little girl right what do you got in that bag some tampons oh you're still my little girl yeah yeah yeah he's like stroking her hair he's like oh that sounds pretty scary i want to jump in and say i mixed up hank green and john green just to cut people off who say i mixed up hank green yeah yeah that was the only like fucked up thing in the whole movie the the the like you know the monster which sort of takes on the form of whatever you're most afraid of like it yeah i mean at one point it grabs a little boy and rips his arm off but the in practice

it's not scary. You're just like, ah, I guess that kid's going to die. It was kind of funny. You could almost laugh at it. Like, like there was an SNL bit where,

um, who was it that was down in the, Oh, it was Kelly Ann Conway. It was Kelly Ann Conway. She was it down in the sewer. No, it's Kelly Ann Conway here.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Because of her makeup but it wasn't actually kellyanne conway it was no of course not it's very light you said it was kellyanne conway kelly conway's been on the show i think anyway it was the same actress that plays what is uh what's your all-time scariest movie that you guys have ever seen i know that's a tough one because it's hard to exorcist is very fucking scary uh because it spends a lot of time building up that dread

and establishing the characters and when you finally get to the show when when that girl is raspily say stabbing her when she's stabbing herself in the vagina with a crucifix screaming let jesus fuck you let jesus fuck you and the priest is like what the shit like that's scary to me that that movie is quite scary um and uh the conjuring honestly is one of the scariest movies and the um the ascent No, excuse me. The Descent. The Descent. Especially when I watched it in 2006, I want to say, when it came out in theaters. At that point in my life, I came out and I was like,

that's the scariest movie I've ever seen. That's it right there, bar none. Not had that impact on me. I'm sorry. That was a break. My scariest movie, because it caught me at the right time in my life, Original Poltergeist that movie oh really maybe you were older when you saw it i don't know rated pg i don't think so how much you would bet five dollars done all right paypal bet you just lost um that movie was rated pg i don't even have to check yeah check you were so

confident but every so often i'm right on these but not this time um that movie freaked me out and uh i don't know there are tvs in my house static was a thing that would happen on tvs back in the day that That freaked me out. All sorts of dark, closed doors or rooms you didn't use all the time, like your parents' closet or something, became suspect. And it just, I don't know. It was the right kind of scary for where I was. Have you seen the Paranormal Activity movies?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw the first one in theaters. They're pretty good. They are excellent. So the first one, they made it, and then, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw the first one at theaters. They're pretty good. They are excellent. So the first one, they made it, and then, ah, who's the director? Maybe Spielberg. So they made this movie for a super low budget.

Let's call it a quarter million dollars, half a million dollars, something like that. Maybe a million, but whatever. And I want to say Spielberg saw it, and he was like, you got the framework for an incredible movie here. Here's an extra million. We're going to beef this up and we're going to make this a blockbuster.

And that's what happened, if I remember correctly. And it made a ton of money, like $125, $150 million on like $1.25 million budget, something like that. That's a very scary movie. The first one especially. There's a part where they keep hearing something up in the attic and the husband goes up that attic ladder to check it out and there's no music and in fact it's silence like you can almost hear white noise it's so quiet and he's like looking up there and you know the camera pans really slowly so you you want to be like

like like left right check the whole attic in a fraction of a second like like we probably would up there and you know the camera pans really slowly so you you want to be like huh huh like like like left right check the whole attic in a fraction of a second like like we probably would like but he's just like slowly looking so at any moment you expect something to grab him and then he's like what what's this here and it's a picture of the little girl of his wife his girlfriend or whatever when she was a little girl at like her old house and it's burnt and the thing was that her old house was burnt down so the and he's like how could this even be here and then like six seconds later the monster the invisible monster grabs her and starts dragging her screaming down the hallway it's it that one really scared me uh pretty badly and of course my

own personal predilections to aliens mean that fire in the sky and the fourth kind uh absolutely horrify me not in that order though the fourth kind is scarier than fire in the sky if you want a really truly terrifying movie the fourth kind fucked me up i had to i had to watch i haven't even heard of that one so you ever see the the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Yeah. Long time ago. That's when you make contact with an alien. When you visually see one like over there.

There he is. The fourth kind is when they take you. It's got Mila Jovovich in it. And I want to say she's like a therapist or a psychologist or something like that. And she's treating all of these various town folk who have this same nightmare about the owl. Is she incredibly super hot? Mila Jovovich

is the chick from Resident Evil. She's very attractive, I think. She's got sort of a haircut down to here. Very skinny, very flat chested, but very pretty. That's a real scary movie. Let me do this next ad roll. Real quick, your PayPal's paid.

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for three months free don't put this off guys protect your internet and your data with express vpn today check them out you got to get a vpn nowadays for your privacy for your uh i don't even want to say all the great reasons there's a VPN, but stop people from tracking you. For your media content, I would imagine, is maybe what you were going to allude to. Yeah. Your media content. Look, there are worse things than downloading a few shows.

You don't want to leave that out in the air, Woody. People might get the idea that you're getting some photographs. I wasn't sure. that you're getting some photographs. I wasn't sure. And if Mr. Medeker hears you all allude towards some protections you need from your activity on the internet, he'll start making a documentary on you. You know where that came from? Sometimes there's do not says, and I was like,

I don't know what they are on this. For all I know, they're like, don't mention the fact that we can protect you from your ISP. You don't want the documentary man coming after you yeah i didn't think documentary documentarian yes uh if we're finishing up on the the scary story thing or not scary story scary movie yeah like don't let my answer be poisoned by the subsequent movies in this series, but the original Saw really creeped me the fuck out.

The first one, where it was super low budget, and it was just focusing. That's still a great movie. You can put yourself in there, and what decisions would you make? These people have very hard decisions to make. It's not over the top with a retarded twist. It's got a good, pretty believable twist. and like it's not over the top with like a retarded twist like it's got a

good pretty believable twist like i i like it see the thing is i feel like with enough time you could saw through that chain like like the the whole movie he's like yeah the whole movie he spent so much time like talking to the other guy and like not even bothering with the saw anymore and he was like oh the saw is broke well you hold the blade maybe you take your sock off and wrap it around the blade make yourself a little handle and you slowly saw the fucking chain off bro like like i the metal on the saw is gonna wear all the way through before you get through that chain like that was i got experience with this like i've i've sawn through do you think that he gave them Whatever quality or gauge steel Like saw or whatever to get through it

Or do you think if he's gone through that much effort To orchestrate this plan that he would have given them Something that he knows isn't going to succeed I don't know that they make a saw blade Low grade enough that it won't do the job But they make a chain High grade enough that it can't be cut with a hacksaw That is possible I suppose

But I It's not a hard and fast rule but usually they're like brassy and yellowy in color and it wasn't so it would imply that you could cut it with that saw yeah and with enough time you'd make some headway i think you know like like he should the whole movie should have been like as they're having conversations he's still over there like, he's still not getting anywhere. But I don't think I can't saw my fucking foot off. Look, think ahead, Cary Ewells. As soon as you get that foot, you think you're going to

sprint, you're going to hop to go rescue your family member? No, that's not going to work. Yeah. You're in a very tough spot like no that's that's not gonna work yeah you're in a very tough spot yeah but that's why i liked it it put you in a tough seemingly impossible spot and it was really fucked and they were pretty oblivious or ignorant as to why it was happening at first i don't know it just seemed like something it was easy to empathize with the initial part of it where you're like oh fuck this appears to just be two guys plucked off the street who are thrown together and this could have just easily been me

or you or someone else i'm almost afraid to admit it now and much like taylor's don't let the subsequent stuff ruin it for you the end of is it season six when we met negan of walking dead was as powerful to me as like so people don't don't know, basically, they're in this RV. They're trying to take a pregnant woman to see a doctor. And Negan and his crew keep blocking the road. And everywhere, they're just like, oh, my God, let's turn it around. We can't deal with these guys. And then they get blocked somewhere else.

But the blocking force is even bigger. And then it's even bigger. And it's like, do we fight them? There's five of us and 15 of them. But if this continues, there's just going to be 30 at the next roadblock and 70 at the roadblock after that. I wish we had fought them back when it was fair. And you're just like, well, you can't turn back.

They were in such a terrible spot. And I don't know, the lighting and the production and the whole thing just worked on me to make it as good as a horror movie. It absolutely was for me as well. When Negan shows his face and he gets up until this point, the odds were never overwhelming like this. We'd never seen a group of more than like 25 people. And there's just a convoy of these motherfuckers and their ability to block those roads the way they did. For people who

don't know, they sawed down dozens of enormous pine trees and laid them across. It's clear that lots of manpower and material is being used. It's a show of force as much as it is a blockade. And then when they're all on their knees and he's got that bat,

I was genuinely afraid like like for the characters like like i felt a little sick to my stomach i was full of dread and then he kills abraham and then and someone pops off and hits him right you know then um daryl does and then he's like what what did I tell you? Someone steps that light, I'm going to shut that shit down. And you're like, no, Daryl. What have you done? He's going to shut that shit down. He already said he would. You forgot?

He just said it before he bashed the big guy's brains in. And that was when I reached peak levels of afraid for the crew. And then when he takes, he kills glenn and then he takes rick for that ride i was literally sick to my stomach at that point i was a little nauseous after seeing uh glenn's brain uh eye pop out of his head and like like as it was as much the eye popping out of his head and and maggie's reaction to it as it was Rick's reaction. He's just shattered. He's all teary-eyed by the end of it and just completely

I think he's going to cut his hand off with that hatchet. I didn't know what was going to happen. And then he gets Carl's hand out there and he's going to make him cut Carl's hand off. I was sick to my stomach. Yeah, that was fucked up. Rick is missing a hand in the comics. As a guy who's also read the comics,

we're going to sync that up now. We're going to make those two together. Yeah, so that was one of the scariest TV moments I've ever seen. Have you started The Expanse? No, I haven't. I've been playing a lot of video games online. That's been taking up an enormous... But I've played Civ.

I've played Civ and PUBG. I play like uh two or three games of civ and then play you know 15 or 20 games of pub g which uh it's two games consuming yeah i've been playing though that's a 24-hour marathon right there uh yeah yeah i've been i've been my sleep schedule is demolished i woke up today at 5 p.m i woke up are you serious yeah an hour before we start or well two hours before well because chis and i stayed like i got done with my gaming or whatever and chis was like ah have you watched any of titus's like new specials or whatever and he's

like here i've got one here he had like maneuvered it for me in some way and and so i'm like all right yeah let's watch it and what time did we stop watching chis it felt like seven in the morning or something like that my time that's the thing so i i spent many late nights with cheers too because i guess i'm gay but like during the minecraft thing we would and for him it's midnight or one which is late but like reasonably late but for you it's three or four a.m and yeah it's crazy yeah i've uh i've been playing a lot of uh of civilization with my friend class who uh um i guess it's like my padawan and and civilization i've been training him up uh i i i uh i just really destroyed destroyed him for maybe 30 games in a row or something like that and now every now and then he wins one it's a lot of fun so we've been doing

that oh nice oh yeah oh yeah well yeah the 1v1s are weird um you can you get caught off guard and it's like ah well you're sometimes i remember i think it was sour and i played you and chiz maybe and uh we won one and we lost one but i think the one we won in particular we had a nice advantage you know i remember exactly how that went when it was you and monkey know, I remember exactly how that went. It was you and Monkey, I think. I remember exactly how that went because I thought I was going to rush you early with the English crossbows, and I didn't build enough of them,

and he just destroyed my units. He had Alexander the Greeks. He had the Greeks, and he had Companion Cavalry and Hoplites, and they just chopped my Longbowmen apart. Yeah, it's weird that I can remember those details from that long ago but that's exactly what happened I was very mad I was like let's play another one let's play another one real quick and we'll fix this we'll fix this I was upset and you won the next one but I mean I to me they were like both wins like not only did I win the first game, but I got to stop playing.

And then the second game was over real quick. Yeah, the first one was over quick too. They were both fast games. But, like, I had no interest in continuing on. I was like, all right, if you want to win, like, can I forfeit? That's the whole crux of Civ. It's such a cool game. There's so much depth to it.

There's so many layers. The differentiation between factions and Civs is really cool. It's neat. But it takes so fucking long to play that game. The only way I found consistently to be able to get through a game is if I played solo, where I only played against computer players so that I could save it and come back to it a day or two later. players so that I could save it and come back to it a day or two later. I don't know how they fucking expect

people to have eight hours or nine hours to get this shit done. That's rare. That's much rarer than you might think it is. What's the average length of a game? Four or five player game, whatever the normal one is. Well, forget that because those do take a long time. The 1v1s is the way to

learn and get through stuff. And our 1v1s take between... Sometimes like learn and get get through stuff and and and our 1v1s take between sometimes the games only last 40 minutes and it's over and sometimes the games last our longest game was probably four hours um something like that two to five yeah well and you can we can save and rejoin and that's what we did with that long four or five hour game we were like all right let's call it a night we'll rejoin this another time if you ever want to play i will i can i can advance your learning curve much faster than you would ever be playing on your own and we can save and restart or just scrap games i don't mind um it's a lot of fun like civ 5 we play that uh

more than a handful of times i i enjoy that game. It's fun. It's just... It feels like learning a new language in that it's like, oh, I got this part down. It's like, oh, well, first of all, no, you don't. And second of all, that's an eighth of 1% of what this game is. While you were making pots and pans and shit to get your kitchens

running, this guy's over there making crossbows really fast. The other thing about... And this is a problem maybe it's just in my heart my favorite part of civ is the late game you know i like it when the battleships are out there and the aircraft carriers and the bombers and like i like that later stuff when you're worried about nukes and that barely happens you know that happens one in kyle i'm gonna be 20 games never I don't know uh in a six-player game it almost it happens almost every game um and uh in a 1v1 it's quite rare that we go past um that we get to those levels like I haven't made it to bombers yet

in our 1v1s I've gotten very close to the bombers it's because you know they're orders of magnitude better at like pushing in and taking someone over. Bombers are so hard to defend against. If you're not neck and neck with the other player at both technology and production ability, then when you get to a really powerful military technology, you just push the other guy over. If you get to crossbows way before him or while he has much less production, you just kill him with crossbows. If you get to artillery or any of those powerful techs in those circumstances, it's just game over.

So for a game to get to bombers, it really needs to be like stealth bombers are the real go-to. It has to be like a six-player free-for-all where someone is on the other side of the map trying to get a cultural or technological victory. And it just takes you a long time to kill everyone and then get to the last player. And then you'll get to that sort of thing.

But, yeah, it's rare. It's rare for the 1v1s. But in like the six-player free-for-alls, it happens virtually every game, I'd say. I have a PKA topic. i got it from mass reddit what is probably your most elitist viewpoint viewpoint women shouldn't vote do you really think that no i'm just trying to think of something i think there should be uh qualifications for for for having children i'm not sure if i'm i'm not sure those qualifications i'd need a lot of time to put them together i'm not sure if i myself should should be allowed to procreate but i think

there should definitely be some tests there should definitely be uh some qualifications and a minimum bar that you gotta that you gotta be able to hurdle over you know to yeah but then you're only going to be limiting baby making from people who live in societies that are advanced enough to implement that right like all of like shitty countries will just keep bopping out kids yeah yeah they will but i don't we should probably do something about those countries as well. That's phase two of my plan. Okay.

All right. I didn't know there were phases. Somewhat related to one of the answers. I mentioned the stealth bombers. I prefer to pay more for services sometimes just so that people who can't pay for that aren't there. Younger, when I rented apartments and stuff, I learned that you don't necessarily look at how nice the insides are for your dollar. Sometimes you want to pay another $150 or something just to keep the assholes from blaring their music away.

Yeah, that's a good point. I think that's smart. I noticed that Viewpoint does not roll on over to motels. Temporary. It's always got an ice machine for the nice crack dealer to stand by. That's funny. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I didn't stick to it there.

But, yeah, there are a couple services. I don't know. Like, if I were to take a bus, I think I might prefer the more expensive one just so whoever's sitting with me, or a train, they have different cabins, right? It's not that I need a better seat. It's that I want to make sure the guy sitting next to me is not a bum.

Yeah, and I appreciate my privacy. I feel like more than anything, if I were going to be on a train, I'd try to get my own car. I don't know if that's prohibitively expensive. Like, is it going to cost me an extra $8,000 to make this trip. But if it's an extra...

If a first class ticket is $400 and getting my own cabin... I don't mean a whole train car. I mean my own cabin on the train car. It's a thing you can close the door to. Yeah, like the Harry Potter. Your own ocelot in an adjacent car. Yeah.

Then I'm definitely going to, like, pay double or something like that. I appreciate my privacy, especially if I'm going to be on such a long fucking journey because it's a train. So what, does it top out at, like, 65 miles an hour in our country? You'll have time to master that.

Shit-tier trains. Yeah, there's enough time for Chinaman to be laying the tracks in front of you, apparently. But I'm trying to think of a truly elitist one. The best one I can think of is, I think that I'm better than you if you have any kind of bumper sticker on your car whatsoever. It doesn't matter if it says, you know, a politician that I like, you know, or a politician I don't like, or a politician I don't like,

or a smarmy little, if you can read this, you're driving too close, asshole, or like coffee-loving bitch, or my kids on the honor roll. It doesn't matter. What about that coexist thing? Oh, they're on a whole,

in my Dante's Inferno of retards, they're an extra layer down, those coexist people, where it's like you're putting four different signs in there that are mutually exclusive in the way they they see the world but you know it makes you feel good you got a nice little head pat from the stinky you know fucking dreadlocked white guy who sold it to you the bumper sticker that i'm most forgiving on are the hobby based ones right so if you have one of those 26.2 bumper stickers and that tells me that you run marathons then i think that's the right number anyway i'm like oh sign that yeah like all right if you're

that i don't fucking care yeah if you're a hot air balloonist or something and you've got a tasteful little three inch tall thing on the side of your bumper i give that a pass much more so than especially the like you know when i go fast enough this bumper sticker is blue now there are some there are some window and bumper stickers that have a purpose though right like if you put one on there that says you're in the marine corps or in the army or the navy oftentimes or if you put one that's like the sheriff's association those are meant to to help you if you've been pulled over by the cops. That's totally what that's about, especially the Sheriff's Association ones. That means that you've donated enough money to the Sheriff's Department to be invited to the Gallup Hall.

If your bumper sticker's purpose is to get out of a ticket where it's like, hey, I've donated five grand to the Sheriff's Association, I get it. That's actually a practical bumper sticker. But everything but that, from Coexist to, you know, fucking McCain-Palin or whatever, like, nobody fucking cares about what you're interested in. Nobody cares you like to run marathons. Nobody cares that you're an air balloonist. Nobody cares that you like skiing

like what if they have what if they have and i'm obviously going harder on this than i actually believe because you guys didn't actually come up with an actual elitist thing but i i stand by it i came up with the first one i think yours was super practical though i do not judge that just means you're equally elitist i said that i didn't think everyone should be able to procreate there should be an intelligence test like like some basic shit i'm not saying you got to be einstein yeah i'm just we're talking about eugenics than than elitism right you know what i look down on a lot and and people who think people who think they're good at things that aren't actually good at things right like like gets get your goat more than anything else

people who develop their expertise from tv shows right you know like like all of a sudden you think you know something about whale mating like no jerk like there's this is probably more complicated than you're making it out to be that's not a great topic There are people who just assign themselves like expert status, knowledge, and proficiency that aren't there make me bonkers. I thought of a good one. You know that bumper sticker where it's – I don't know who it's meant to be, but it looks like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes peeing onto something else? Yes. Yeah. If everyone who had one of those on their car was in a terrible accident...

With each other, hopefully. ...country might be a little better. It might be. They all had head-on collisions with one another. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Well, then they're just rock heads would bounce off of the other car and hurt somebody with no bumper sticker, some innocent fellow. So you wouldn't want that. What if they've got

the license plate holder that has a little phrase or a little silly thing on it? You know, the license plate holder that... I don't care about that because that's something that has to be there. Your license plate holder has to be... In a lot of states, you have to have a license plate holder. So if you want to put something there,

I don't give a shit. No state is requiring you to have a bumper sticker. Yeah. I have one of those too. I've never had a bumper sticker. I have no bumper stickers, but I have one of those license plate holders for St. Louis Blues. Yeah, I don't have any stickers. I've always thought

that it's going to mess up the finish on the car. And at the worst, it's an anti-decoration, right? It's not like... If you buy nice wheels, or if you get a nice billet grille for your car, those make the car look nicer. But sticking a Trump sticker on the back, or a Dole sticker, or like you get like a like a nice billet grill for your car those make the car look nicer but sticking a trump sticker on the back or a dole sticker or like you said any politician

any sticker looks like shit they look like your car down a level i've got what makes me crazy people who drive with the tailgate on their pickup truck down because they're stupid enough to think that it gives them better fuel economy i never knew that was the reason people did that. But now that I know, I don't care for it either. Are we sure it doesn't? Or people who like tail 18 wheelers. I have a lot of expertise and proficiency on this topic because I watched it on Mythbusters. Yeah, I only ask because like, you know like what whenever it's at the

drag race and someone's gonna drag when they drag race pickup trucks like a lot of those like dodge trucks are like super fast they always let the tailgate down i've noticed that like that is interesting so the on mythbusters what they said is that well as we know the teardrop is the most is the ideal shape of a car or whatever for aerodynamics right well what happens is as it comes over the back of the the cab you would think like tailgate down otherwise it's just like a big scoop pulling behind it but what actually happens is the air in the bed kind of stays there and the you have to think of the shape as coming from the top of the cab to the tailgate, and it's more teardroppy. You've got a high-pressure pocket of air in the bed now that the faster air just curves over.

Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. Yeah. I can't believe that my last one about people being TV experts tied into my next one where I was a TV expert. TV expert. Yeah. Let me tell you a little bit about... That's funny. People think they know what they're talking about. Well, I watched on Mythbusters. And believe you me, that

redhead girl, the Asian guy, and the goofy guy surely knew what they were talking about. Adam and Jamie weren't there. They didn't need them for this one. Let me think. This is an interesting question. I'm trying to think of other elitist things I believe. interesting question. I'm trying to think of other elitist things I believe, or I'm really just trying to think of things I hate. If we're thinking about things we hate, I hate people with loud exhaust on their car or trucks that is not performance enhancing on a performance vehicle. If you have a sports car and you have

Flowmaster exhaust, good on you. You probably added six horsepower or something like that. If you have a Honda Civic that goes like every fucking five minutes down the fucking street and I have to listen to it. I hate you so much. I hate you so much. I hate you so much much that loud fucking exhaust you stuck on the back of your three thousand dollar car you piece of shit i i hate that with a passion oh you know uh a group of people that i am entirely better than also and all of us are better than people who on in public areas and on public transport will listen to loud music on headphones that are not seated on their head they're rested on their neck and they'll continue to listen to

music now this is a class of people exactly like what kyle's doing this is a class of people that is broadcasting their lack of care and consideration to everyone else around them they're so narcissistic or so fucking stupid that they don't realize that no one else cares about the hit single that they're listening to right now. You're rude. You're a cunt. Nobody's impressed by your headphones because fucking, spoiler alert,

people who aren't poor aren't impressed by headphones that you wear. If I wanted to buy 500 pairs of Beats, I could. I don't give a shit. No, it's not impressive. You look like an asshole. That would be like $10,000, but I guess you could if you had to. If I wanted to waste a lot of money, I could buy a bunch of those.

This isn't even elitist as much as it is just fucking rude. I wouldn't watch a video that was sent to me. If someone sent me a Snapchat and I'm on public transport and I don't even i wouldn't watch a a video that was sent to me if someone sent me a snapchat and i'm on public transport and i don't have headphones i turn my media volume all the way down before i play it because i'm not a rude person who plays things for the the cab to hear it doesn't like it be polite don't be a cunt nobody's impressed by you listening to something loud on your tinny shit headphones that you were conned into buying for three times the price that a little Malaysian hand threw it together for. You retard.

Okay. First of all, Taylor's right. But a weird thing happens in a lot of people's heads. Even mine sometimes slightly before I think it through. Which is when you play your music loud, your music is shitty and I don't want to hear it. Also, where I am, i only hear the bass part and it doesn't sound good when i play my music loud you are probably admiring my taste in music because this is a great song of course you're not of course you're not right no no i know that that's

not true but that is a mindset that people get they're like oh this song is pulpit it's my number one i'm gonna leave it going at this gas station. You have to have such excellent taste in music. I'll give you an example of this. There's some songs that everybody, no matter what demographic you're from, no matter

what color you are, you'll be like, oh, yeah. All right. Turn it up, bro. Not in public. Not in public. But I'll tell you what. Here's my personal example of this. Now, in PUBG, when you're queuing up in the lobby, there are 100 players in a short area. If you go into open mics, you can all hear each other. There's normally a lot of crazy people screaming and playing music and stuff.

I played Africa by Toto on there the other day, and everybody shut up. And they started coming near me. And they started rocking their characters back and forth and like five guys started singing with me i met some ways down in africa no we're all terrible but that song is all is like a meme at this point like they're coming in for the joke if you were sitting on a public bus or something ch Chiz knows he's a bus folk. If someone starts playing that music loudly, it's rude. It is a catchy song.

You're right. I also played Land Down Under or whatever. I come from a land down under. Women go and men plunder. See, that's a very, very catchy song. And in the context of a pregame lobby, that's very funny. But if somebody comes onto your bus and you're sitting there after a hard day at work, and you just hear, from along down under!

And you're like, oh, he's sitting next to me? Like, no. Chiz, on the bus, is there ever like a group sing-along? Because I watched Planes, Trains, and Automobiles one time, and they all stop and sing together. No, no, no. They were singing like, they're like, alright, somebody pick a new song. And Steve Barton's like,

three coins in a fountain. And everybody looks at him like, what the fuck? Because they're bus folk. And John Candy's like, Flintstones! Meet the Flintstones! And like everybody starts, yabba dabba doo time. Like they all know the words to that. Are there ever any sing-alongs on the bus?

No? No. You don't talk to the bus folk any more than you absolutely have to. I thought there'd be some camaraderie. What do they say? There's camaraderie among thieves

or something like that. What am I thinking of here? What's the old saying? Honor amongst thieves. Like thick as thieves? Honor amongst thieves? Something like that? Well, you know, everybody on that bus has a reason that they don't want anyone tracking their credit cards or the authorities knowing that they're boarding an aircraft.

They're on no-fly lists. They're running from child support payments. They're fleeing bail, bond, and stuff like that. I mean, Chiz has to hide his smartphone when he travels, right? The rule of traveling by bus is don't travel by bus. There was a story recently here in Safehold St. Louis where a teenager was murdered at a bus stop because he'd made the mistake of being present at a previous bus murder. And so they had to kill him

to make sure he couldn't rant about the previous bus murder. It's a vicious cycle. He's killed 38 people this year alone. I mean, our governor came out with hammer control to try and get this under wraps. You're lying. No. That's lying. No. That's true.

How do you control hammers? So how old? Come on, don't laugh. I'm just feeding into it. So how old do you have to be now to buy a hammer in the great state of Missouri? I was about to Google it. That wasn't going far. You have to be two years older than to buy a firearm.

So 20. Holy shit. Yeah. Can't purchase a claw hammer. They'll give out rubber mallets, but it turns out that the thugs who live here are a lot more devoted than you would have thought. So they're even tamping that down. Yeah, they won't even sell you nails if you're 21 or older.

They turned to the tenderizing meat hammers, and that made things even grosser. Oh, God. So it's an evolution of law. We're forging new things. Rolling pins will come out next. You ever, like, use your tenderizing meat hammer and think about, like,

God damn, this is quite the weapon. Every time I use one, yeah. Like, you know, it's got that knurling, I believe it's called, on one side. And the other side is flat. And that knurling is very deep and little pyramids protruding. And I always think like,

oh, this would wreck somebody if you fucking hit them as I tenderize my meats. As I tenderize my meats. Yeah, that would be a brutal murder weapon. If you had to grab something close to you now to be used as a murder weapon, you can't go grab a gun. You can't. And this isn't like you're going to go hunt someone down with a butter knife near you.

This is someone comes into your home and you need a knife real quick. I've got a whole bottle. I've got a one-liter bottle of Grand Marnier over there. I could crack a skull with that motherfucker. It's thick glass and it's 80 full i i feel like i could really put a one let me grab it it's it's almost within reach i feel like that's the closest thing that could actually be utilized as a as an effective weapon i've got a hockey stick i could use that'd be good uh i have a gun no but you couldn't grab the gun because it

has to be real real close to you or i guess you probably have your gun. No, but you couldn't grab the gun because it has to be real, real close to you. Or I guess you probably have your gun real, real close. Like 10 steps. I've got guns around. Yeah, my gun is 20 steps away. So if they burst in, I'd have to be fast. I have guns in four different rooms in this house. That's a good little cougar you've got there.

Right? That's why I speak. I'm like, it's shaped just right for a good pummeling. I'm terrified it's going to pour all over me at any moment, but yeah, this thing would really do the trick. And it looks pretty full, so that's a little more weight. Yeah, it's right about there.

Something like that. It's quite the handful. I feel like you could really put a hurtin on someone yeah after the gun my options drop a lot yes i could tear this mic stand up exactly but it's not that heavy i'm like keyboard dude i feel like man murders intruder with youtube play button that's the second best that play button's heavy as be the second best. That play button's heavy as shit. It may not look it. I'm sure you had to use some special hardware to even hang

the thing correctly. Exactly, yeah. I mean, I think I could hang off that hardware. Yeah, I guess it weighs 40 pounds, something like that. Maybe. 30, 40 pounds.'s very heavy very heavy fucking thing solid gold that seems untrue oh all right all right it's it's it's 40 pounds of

solid gold is worth a bunch ah you're right youtube is a multi-billion combination yeah there's not that much gold to go around there's a limited supply of gold so uh of games you guys have been playing recently i know kyle you guys already seem to be over sea of thieves because it kind of ran its course there's dlc coming out um so so here's the deal like i've read about some dlc that going to add I even joked about this early on a parrot and a cat. Lamest fucking DLC you can fucking possibly imagine. I've also heard that they're going to add a new

boat but we want legit quests and actual pirate shit. We want PvP and that doesn't seem to be on the horizon anytime soon. We have completely dropped that. Haven't played in a while. If't seem to be on the horizon anytime soon. So yeah, we have completely dropped that. Haven't played in a while. If you were to get on, we'd get on and play it.

I asked, Chiz refuses to play Civilization with me. And I was like, if Taylor got on and played, would you play? And he's like, I'd strongly consider it. Chiz, why won't you play? I'd strongly consider it. It's a lot of time to devote. It feels like it's an old game he doesn't want to go back to it we really enjoy playing PUBG

we play a bunch of PUBG together he wrote just don't want to get back into it it's like re-enrolling in college yeah it's a hard it's a very difficult to play game single player you finished games of Civ. That was a joke.

I don't know. Maybe not that. Maybe me. I don't know. No one laughed. I got a new topic. Okay. Yeah.

So China has started ranking its citizens with the social credit system. Have you guys heard about this? Yeah, I saw the Black Mirror episode. You saw what? I saw the Black Mirror episode about this. There's a couple there. And even a Orville. But anyway, so apparently there's cameras around and they rank you doing good things.

Your social credit drops if you spit. Do you remember the other ways that they rank you socially? There's just all kinds of good behaviors and bad behaviors that i would imagine and that's like i'm just guessing but probably if you speak out against um you know the the ruling party right um i don't i remember there was like bullshit you could do on social media you know speaking out against the party uh i think using bad language and stuff might have been related to... And it was interesting to me because it's a level of government surveillance and interference. And like, what are we laughing at? It's creepy as shit is what it is.

Yeah. Yeah. It's almost just fake. If you spend too long playing video games, waste money on frivolous purchases, these are all true. Purchasing on social media? What does that mean?

I don't know about that one, but yeah. Well, that sounds really fucked up. It sounds very... Posting on social media. It sounds very dystopian. It seems like that's that's that's beginning too much games uh posting on social media frivolous purchases like it all their behaviors that they're trying to guide you to they really are guiding you away from like

maybe some things that that aren't great for society but like like you're saying a government that enforces that is next level crazy what are you laughing at uh that that gif i linked i thought was quite quite kyle let's let's watch this uh yeah i just watched a bit of it it's uh two it looks to be chinese people sitting there with a glass of milk and there are two straws sticking out a nice gentleman and a lady and let's let's queue up and watch ready set play so he takes a big sip from the milk a sip but there's still two straws sticking out he says hey let's drink at the same time and he goes to one straw and she goes to the other she gets her sip of milk she turns back to her food he smiles at the camera and reveals it's not two straws it's one bit and he just spit milk into her mouth using the straw when he sipped the milk he held it in

his mouth and he was blowing the milk through the bent straw that that appeared to be two directly into her mouth and when she sees this when he reveals this she almost vomits and spits the milk out all over the floor that is fucking hysterical i like that a lot they are gonna get a couple points taken off of theirs of their social media platform when the the chinese government sees the social credit score yeah yeah you lose five points and you waste milk oh that's really funny i did not see that prank coming see that's why it's a good one i'm almost glad kyle detailed it because i saw the bend in the straw and i was like where did the milk come from like oh yeah i needed the i see i don't think mouth milk yes

i'm like the bench trouble that won't work clearly it just came in and out fuck i don't know yeah yeah well that's that's pretty gross well i wouldn't want to live in china all right what's the what pick an and pick a modern sort of industrialized country that you what's the one you would least want to live in you can't pick like uganda or uh no modern industrial yeah and not somalia russia's up there for me really i don't think russia's that bad i'd rather live in russia than china for sure absolutely a lot of russia has terrible terrible weather uh i don't know if the lack of freedoms that they suffer from actually impact day-to-day life as much but my parents went there and they said that

like everyone just seemed unhappy the general russian culture is that of this sucks no one's smiling i've worked with several russians and they were very aggressive like super aggressive mad at everything and it's just not the environment i want to be in it's like they expect things to go poorly and they're prepared for that with their attitude. Oh, you know the one, the correct answer, I think, South Africa. That was my answer.

Really? That's what I was going to go to. Oh, yeah. Oh, white people and white farmers are getting murdered willy-nilly down there. Like right now, a lot. It's a pretty shit situation. Nobody cares because they're white people

and the media doesn't really give a fuck about that. But it's a not great place nobody cares because they're white people and the media doesn't give a fuck about that but it's a not great place to be as a white person it's not just that they're poor white people no they're going if you look up the stories of white farmers and white people being murdered in South Africa it's

disgusting like they'll be like raped and then burned alive or like horribly mutilated and then finally killed like it's gross shit but it's not happening Like, they'll be, like, raped and then burned alive or, like, horribly mutilated and then finally killed. Like, it's gross shit. But it's not happening to white bankers. Right? You just have to exist outside of the place where the killers are. No, it's happening to...

Well, there's way more black people than white people in South Africa. And so it's happening to white people all over the place. But the main job that a lot of white people do there is farming. And so it'll probably go the same direction as Zimbabwe when, who was it, Robert Mugabe said all the white people have to leave and they kicked all the white people out. And then the economy collapsed and they ran out of food and people were starving to death because they kicked out all the farmers. And so then they said white people come back and white people were like, you know what,

you didn't sell me last time I was there. It didn't seem fun. We need a few more white people. We grossly underestimated how much they were contributing. Yeah, so South Africa, I think, is a good answer right now at this juncture in time. Yeah, that's my answer, 100%. That's what I was going to go with. Because I feel like you think of it as a modern industrialized country.

But it seems like a real scary place to be, especially if you look like us. Uh, and if you're trying to just, even if you're trying to mind your own business, you know, some countries it's like, Oh,

you step out of line and mess with the Yakuza. It'll be lights out. It's like, well, I just won't step out of line and mess with the Yakuza. Yeah. You know, it's just like,

probably won't be an issue. Oh, Italy, uh, better leave those mafiosos alone. Don't fuck their wives. I won't. That guy looks like, you know, the descendant,

or rather the ancestor of a Sopranos character. I'm going to not mess with them. Oh, fuck, they all look like that. But yeah, South Africa, I think, is the correct answer in this one which if you had to live in a different oh yeah what's yours i guess you didn't grab one yet woody uh no i picked one what the russia i said russia okay i thought i wonder if like where the truth is right because like like okay there is that thing where is it in france there are places the police won't go in switzerland the whole thing is this and that and then the people who live there are like shut the fuck up like you're telling that's

not true tales no it is the people who live there most of them will tell you if they live in those areas like malmo sweden there are whole neighborhoods in malmo sweden that you can't go to anymore because it's too dangerous there were 400 white form and sweden say no that's that's not the case and you're talking to take me to that place you're talking to like bougie people from really really rich neighborhoods you don't have to deal with that shit like there's a reason that sweden uh yeah people like politicians who have a vested interest in not being entirely honest but there's a reason that like sweden just as like the easiest example stopped recording the races of rape uh perpetrators like because there are serious

problems in many, many areas and started not taking assault as seriously. And there are no go zones in France. That's even true. Like it's not a falsehood, but I feel like your news source, right? Because like if you go to Fox News, they just they hammer the no go thing. Who was the American politician who just went out there recently and they blasted him for telling untrue things? He denied saying it. I think it had to do with no-go zones. There are verified, factually driven stories

of no-go zones in France and Germany and Sweden, all over the place. And then there are also confirmed stories of... It's really hard to tell the truth from here, right? From here, it definitely is because you don't have the firsthand experience. But then you also confirmed stories of... It's really hard to tell the truth from here, right? From here, it definitely is, because you don't have the firsthand experience. But then you also have stories, confirmed stories of rape gangs,

grooming young girls, cutting off clits, like really, really horrible things that happen in certain areas. And because they happen in predominantly Muslim areas, and they use the local, what the hell is it, mosque, as their kind of edict of law that it doesn't even get

discovered like well over a thousand in the thousands of female gender mutilation uh cases have occurred in uh the uk of all places nope says that it's not true but that fox news ran a story saying it was true snopes is ridiculous they they lie about shit all the time and all you have to do is go look at crime rates in different areas of these countries and you'll see that there are areas where if cops drive through they will get pelted with rocks they'll be uh shot at indiscriminately like it's not and this isn't to say that all of france or all of any of those countries are shitholes that's not true but to pretend that this isn't to say that all of France or all of any of those countries are shitholes. That's not true. But to pretend that this isn't a reality is also false. That there are no-go zones where the police won't go in Paris.

It's not. So, like, the no-go zone thing isn't the police will not go there. It's that if you go there, you expect some shit. There are very isolated off and inculcated communities, usually Muslim in those areas, like more hard and fast Muslims, that will not comply with you. They will not cooperate with you. They will assault you and do inappropriate things because they don't respect your rule of law. They see their local mosque as the arbiter. I'm just looking at articles while you're talking. BuzzFeed also says that it's not true, but that Fox News ran a story saying it was true.

It's hard to tell. And I know you're spouting off as if you have total confidence in your sources, but you can't, right? Unless you see it, then you're just trusting whoever told you. Field trip! Yeah, right?

PKA trip. PKA adventure to a no-go zone. But you must bring your wife and daughter did you hear about uh did you hear about vice they sent a team to try and debunk the no-go zone thing in sweden and the entire camera crew got assaulted i saw it i saw it yeah um shit i want to say that it was the maybe the one i saw it was hasidic jews who were they went to israel and they were giving them a hard time oh hasidic jews also can be super because they're also super insulated in their own community you know like they'll be super rude like they'll be shitty but those bangs though yeah those bangs oh the the curly cues on the side.

Yeah. That gets me going. I wish the girls had that, too. You wish there were some nice sideburns? Not sideburns, but the little curly fries coming out of the side of their head. That's a nice look. Isn't the

golem a uh a jewish thing yes yes yeah yeah there's a there's an x-files episode you might enjoy taylor because i know you hate the jews where there's this you're thinking of lefty oh he's he replaced lefty j Kyle no I replaced Wings apparently I know I replaced Lefty it's not what Wings says I know well I'm going to trust him on this one

that's true he has seniority he has big brain actually no as far as PKA goes I have seniority at this point because I've been on way more episodes. And if you count PKN, I think it's even more extreme. Oh, I wasn't even counting PKN,

but you're right. Alright, well, good show, everyone. Check out our sponsors, SmartMouth, Stitch Fix, and ExpressVPN. And check out Christopher Titus' movie over on Amazon, or wherever you'd like to get it. I'm honestly going to watch it tonight.

I want to see what the deal is. I like movies like The Ringer that have actually retarded people in them. I don't know what the PC word is. I do know what it is, but I like saying retarded. And I'm going to watch that later. Well, enjoy.

I will too. P.K.A. 384.