Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #389

Episode Date: June 5, 2018

On this week's PKA, the infamous DICK MASTERSON is back! Dick comes and gives us the 411 on him winning the lolsuit against Maddox, then the guys discuss some potential plans for PKA 400 and Woody shares with the guys a story from his youth where he thought he was going to be arrested for... dancing. You're only going to find quality content like this from the PKA lads!

Painkiller Ready, episode 389 with our guest Dick Masterson. Kyle? Yeah, a couple sponsors tonight. There's ExpressVPN, Squarespace, GetQuip, 4Hims, and ManCrates. So we'll get to those guys later on in the show. Links in the description if you can't wait. But yeah, we got Dick back with us, and I understand there's been a little bit of an update. What's up, boys? Yeah. What's going on, man? So, are you down $1 billion now from that lawsuit?

There's two very, one hypothetical reality crashed down upon Maddox. I was being sued for $380 million in New York, where I do not live live by a very angry man former internet pirate author Maddox Maddox the best page in the universe and I won last week case dismissed with prejudice I think basically I'm unsuitable now like I think that's the way that works. The judge said, case dismissed, Maddox. This lawsuit is indecipherable. Get the hell out of here. You can't sue somebody for making fun of you. Is that really what it came down to?

The judge being like, what am I even supposed to do with this? Goodbye. No, I don't know how closely you guys follow it, but the courtroom transcript where a 70-year-old judge, or I don't know how old he was, but he's a very wise and experienced judge. The case went to commercial court. So this is a guy who rules on Samsung versus Google. Because Maddox sued for so much money, it went from the normal, like, traffic court, Judge Judy court, where anything goes, to this court where the judge is deciding on the fates of, like, multi-million dollar companies every day. Billion.

Billion, yeah. The court transcripts is this guy just tearing into the lawsuit on every page. 55 pages of sick burn after sick burn. The judge, on page three, the judge interrupts Maddox's lawyer and goes, they're making fun of him, so? He's on the internet. You should see what people say about me on the internet. It's like, oh, man. You're in for a tough time if the judge's excuse is,

if the judge is thinking you should see what they say about me on the internet. Yeah, that's great. Just sign off, loser. Yeah. It was, so I was being sued. I was being sued. My company, like my personal private life company, my non-internet asshole company was being sued. Some comedians who work on my show, this guy, Stereos Kokonos, was being sued. Some comedians who work on my show,

this guy, Stereos Kokonos, was being sued. It was Maddox and his girlfriend suing pretty much everybody I know because we made fun of them too much. And Maddox's girlfriend threw in this weird claim that we were being sued for defamation for saying

she has herpes, which we never said like it was the weirdest thing we're suing you because uh dick said that i had herpes and but we don't there's no proof of it like at one point i would have never assumed that but now i'm thinking that's great yeah that's exactly what i said the judge said to them, I can't, like, Maddox included in his lawsuit these screenshots that he printed out, like, all in a row. So there's ten screenshots on a regular

piece of paper that are, like, screenshots for ants. So the judge opens it up and says, I didn't bring my microscope to court today. So can you just explain to me what evidence this is? It sounded like he was hosting a late night...

What were the screenshots? Just dick show fans being like, fuck you, you're a cuck, that kind of stuff? You know what's crazy about that? And this is the weirdest twist in the whole case. There's like, the lawsuit is full of, Maddox's lawsuit is full of these, of like, I don't want to call them death threats, because people like run their mouths all the time on the internet and you kind of you never

know who's on the other end of the screen like it's usually some it's like a 13 year old kid saying I'm gonna kill you I don't consider a death threat because yeah it's how they're credible I don't know you ever hear of a school shooting yeah well you know what luckily I don't go to school anymore so i'm 100 safe from school shootings um we found out so the lawsuit is like here's this is all dick's fans saying this horrible stuff about my girlfriend and about me and making death threats and like making all these racially charged insults we found out like a month ago that the guy making all of those statements was a guy named mr burgers who is a massive diehard maddox fan like it was just like a false flag it wasn't

even a false flag it was just a false brain like the guy was just a lunatic going around uh trying to antagonize maddox to get it it's like it's like selena's the the president of the selena fan club is the one that killed her right it was one of those situations oh yeah so mr burgers is uh is like is maddox's selena or something like that i mean you know what i'm trying to say did they bring mr burgers out of the internet shadows and into the courtroom or into it at all? Or is it just... I did. I got him to write me a statement saying I made all those comments for no reason. Like I was having a rough time.

Signed, Mr. Burgers. So he was just trying to poke and prod and get you guys to fight more, basically, right? For his own entertainment. I think he was just trying to get a reaction from matt a crazy person it seems that he didn't have really a thought out motive and plan on this thing he just is a crazy person yeah i mean and that wasn't the only thing in the case the other thing the other thing that maddox wanted uh 400 million dollars for is because is because a guy on the dick show estereos cocon, made a comedy album

where he took Christmas songs and just changed all the words to calling Maddox a cuck. That was Merry Cucksmas, right? Yeah, it was Cucksmas Carols. Bald-headed lies. Cucksmas Carols. And he recorded it in one night.

So he got all the Dick Show listeners to write him the crappiest parody songs of christmas songs that are like it's a cuck so it becomes it it charts on billboard like it's so the idea is so stupid and so funny that like thousands of people buy it next thing you know like cut to cut to probably a year and a half later an 80 year old judge is looking at this lawsuit and going hmm um cucks miss carol's and the lawyers get ready to tell him he goes no i've seen it it's the it's the picture it's the one with the picture of santa cuck on it right that's right your honor that's right like this is just surreal being in a situation they're seeing a real judge who rules on you know samsung versus

whoever have to read stuff about cucks and then legally decree him no people can call you a cuck sorry did you mean go ahead to hearing a lot of money with that record you know um i charted on billboard people were buying it it's like you know it's like you don't have to sell that many to chart in comedy like it's a couple thousand i mean look i'm not gonna sneeze at like five thousand dollars or nine thousand dollars or however much he made on that um but it's not it's not as much as I thought it would have been. I thought in two nights he tripped into life-changing money. Just not that. It's not like that. It's like when you publish a book,

everybody thinks you're just rolling in dough all of a sudden, but you're lucky to get a couple grand, which is great, because now until the United States is destroyed from within by liberals, the album Cuxmas Carols will live in the Library of Congress forever because it's a billboard charting album. That's wonderful. That are better than money. You know what I mean? Like he'll have that. He'll have that forever in a court document in the New York commercial court.

There's a conversation between a lawyer that charges four hundred dollars an hour and a judge that decides on multibillion dollar cases like spelling out cuck and explaining what a cuck is and then reading through the lyrics. You weren't able to hit him up for your attorney's fees, were you? the lyrics you weren't able to hit him up for your attorney's fees were you so this this case has been going on since november um and i've learned a lot about the legal process in that time like as you would you know think somebody might getting sued for 400 million dollars yeah one of those things is that in order to counter sue somebody, well, first of all, New York does not have strict protections for speech. California, where I live, has very strict protections over speech because we've got Hollywood, we've got the entertainment industry. If you sue somebody in California in an attempt to shut them up they can counter you with what's called an anti-slap lawsuit

so in California if something like this were to happen, if Maddox sues me in California, which I mean if he had balls he would I could hit him back with an anti-slap suit that would cost him nine times my attorney's fees, like that's Californiaifornia new york nothing

uh new york you're it's your privilege to pay thirty thousand dollars to defend yourself against a jilted ex-lover uh and his dui his multiple DUI having incompetent attorney. Is that a pretty good estimate on what it cost you, 30 grand? Yeah. Yeah, it's 30 to 40, I think, Asterios. Oh, you know what's the worst part, though? Asterios, the guy who wrote the Cuxmas Carols album, he's no longer working at the company he was working for, Weber Shandwick,

the company he was working at when he got sued, who Maddox also sued. He's no longer working there. I think he got fired. He's not saying, but everything points to lawsuit gets decided, it gets dismissed, and the poor guy loses his job, just as was Maddox's intent the entire time. Does he have any repercussions, Asterios? Like, hey, this was a frivolous lawsuit and I ended up losing my job. Count it safe for $400 million. Here's the thing.

Maddox, in a boldly stupid move in his lawsuit, signed an affidavit saying that he pretended to be a woman. This is Maddox we're talking about the internet pirate alphabet of manliness the internet badass or nice he pretended to be a woman named heather s

a reporter from condé nast and he wrote he wrote asterios's company like he wrote an email to asterios's company basically saying that aster stereosis a misogynist like he attributed everything I say to a stereos and then said this guy's a huge misogynist I'm writing a report for Condé Nast do you have anything to say about you employing such a huge woman-hating misogynist I can't wait till like publish this article and put what you have to say in it like obviously trying to get them to fire the guy yeah maddox admits to this in his lawsuit like he signs it for no for no reason like nobody can figure out why he would admit to doing this but in my

opinion like in my why would he bring that up it's why would he bring up that he's been pretending to be a woman online first of all that's that's that's weird uh number two it's not that weird right i mean people do it yeah usually for like sexual thrills yeah yeah i mean there are lots of great reasons to pretend to be your woman online i'm just saying look i don't know that maddox didn't have his pants around his ankles with a bottle of lotion in one hand while he was pretending to be Heather S. Which is also not weird. None of us can know that. We can only speculate. Didn't what's-his-name that Mad Cucks, so there's a character on the Dick Show as well whose entire purpose was to make fun of Maddox, Mad Cucks, and he's an overweight gentleman who pretends to be retarded and speaks in

the same cadence as Maddox. He was in the lawsuit too, right? Just some fan. He doesn't pretend to be retarded. That was in the lawsuit, but he uses the same dumb fan voice that Maddox always uses when he's mocking his fans. He was in the lawsuit, but he didn't get served

properly. So in order to get somebody in the lawsuit, you've got to show up at the front door, knock on the lawsuit, but he didn't get served properly. So in order to get somebody in the lawsuit, you've got to show up at the front door, knock on the door, and say, here, you're served. Maddox, idiot, and his idiot DUI having lawyer, idiot, whiskey-soaked lawyer, couldn't find the guy's address.

He got out by default. If you don't serve somebody in 120 days, you lose. That is that for him? Yeah at any point throughout all this were you like oh man this could go sour or the whole time you like god I just hope these legal bills don't add up too much because this is bullshit nothing like There's uh at no point that I think Maddox would win this stupid lawsuit. Like, I think that this lawyer, Kevin Landau, saw Maddox for a gigantic sucker and said, I'm going to write a lawsuit that this guy thinks he deserves.

Like, people come from the Midwest to L.A. and they get suckered in, like, with their passion projects. Like, oh, yeah, they're delusional you know show up they get off the bus and then Somebody fills their head with all these grand ideas and then takes all their money and gives them whatever they want Like so in this case and and I think that's true in this case because this guy Kevin Landau has done it with multiple people He gets he gets people who are a little bit off in the head like touched in the head not quite in reality and then sues based on their feelings because this lawsuit was it was entirely feelings based uh shit like don't say i have herpes like that's not that's not a you can't

sue somebody because they they said you had herpes somewhere um which apparently they didn't even say they just threw that in as a as a thing so at no point was i worried that i would lose but when you get like maddox sued me he sued my the company the marketing company that i founded with two of my friends and when that lawsuit dropped like he named clients of ours in the suit when that lawsuit dropped everyone's asshole tightened it's like you were in a business of perception and comfort and when something like that drops like people can drop you people fire you like you know look what happened with the stereos he got fired he did nothing the guy did nothing and he won the lawsuit it was dismissed he's still out of a job um he's still at a job it

strains like it strains relationships people kind of just even if it's not your fault people around you just kind of don't like you because you brought this upon them in a way if that makes sense when you were doing a biggest problem in the universe with maddox which was a great show uh was there like a tipping point in there? I'm sure at the beginning of that show you're like, oh, this is the kind of behavior that Maddox would never engage in. No fucking way. Was there like a tipping point throughout your relationship

with him there where you're like, oh, this guy seems a little... kind of like a loose cannon. It's weird, man. If you go back and listen to the old show... You can tell the difference in your relationship as that show goes on. Yeah. Like, more comb more combative yeah if you listen to maddox's stories and even if you go on his website um he's there's there's countless examples of him sicking mobs on people like he'll get he'll get a hold of somebody's email address and he'll tell everybody to contact

their work and try to get them fired like that's's, that's the only, he loves doing it. He's, he's threatened some, some listeners of my show. They'll like, they'll email him and bust his balls and say, Hey, I used to be a fan. And I think you're kind of a despicable prick for what you're doing to Dick. He'll respond immediately with a picture of their family and their kids and say, I'm going to call child Protective Services on you. Or like a link to Child Protective Services. That happened? Jesus.

Oh yeah, that happened two weeks ago. And For a troll comment? Dude, Maddox goes through and photoshops pictures of people's families that he finds on Facebook and like makes their kids say I didn't know

my mommy was such a foul mouth bitch. Like this is. All right. The end part of that's funny. It's funny. It's funny. But it's like it's like a weird it's a weird obsession the guy has. I honestly think that I think that his life got entirely fucked up by

this psycho that he's dating. Jessica Blum, Mental Jess, his co-plaintiff. His girlfriend is the one who called my girlfriend's school trying to get her fired. She's really big on

activism. She's a trade show model. So she's got nothing to do all day, but think about how to get outraged and wonder why the world doesn't give her a living. She's the worst kind of entitled LA trade show model bitch. Trash. Trash. Garbage.

Just a garbage human being that... I mean, at this point, she should just be put up against a wall, right? Yeah. Is that a direct quote from you right yeah put her against the wall whoa whoa that might be me on set i think so put her against the wall and do what kyle give her a a scolding paint her like one of your French girls. Don't you do that anymore, is what Kyle meant. Yeah, the Medeker line. Like, these people should be put up against a wall. But you all know what that means.

I actually have two options in my head, and I'm not sure which one we're all talking about. The one people mean is shooting. Like, firing squad. Like, in rebellious you know you know oh shit are we getting feedback sorry about that for a second i heard it too but it's better now i guess yeah it seems to be to be gone we started my setup over here uh yeah put her up against the wall and um you know explain to her the difference between right and wrong i feel you dick you can't get audio perfect 100 of the time right just hypothetically you don't know what's uh go ahead what's with the emergency

i understand the emergency shotgun behind you we all have that but the emergency dildo underneath what uh what problem did you come across that made you say i need another dildo this is my maddox defense squad actually a a um a listener made this gun custom for me um it's pretty cool kyle you probably know way more about it than me let's see but he's some kind of a gunsmith this dude caleb zlotnick oh cool i only know a nice little uh nice little grip on there for you yeah right extended magazine i think it's an 870, huh? Yeah. That's hard to tell.

Oh, it's awesome. Have you taken it out and shot it yet? No, I have not. This is my emergency defense. Either I blast them away with this one, or I kind of taunt them away with the way the dildo in the world. See, you're missing the middle ground where you have an

under-barrel dildo launcher. Oh, See, you're missing the middle ground where you have an underbarrel dildo launcher. Oh yeah, one of these? Yes. The underbarrel dildo launcher. Or just use it like a... A bayonet. Yeah. Give it a nice cock slapping. That's a lot of dildo. That's excessive.

I mean, I have a bigger one, but I mean, that's a big dildo you got there. But you dildo on an Olympic level. Yeah, and it's meant to be that long. It's a double dildo. That is not a double dildo, though. Dick has.

No, that's just one. No, that's for one lady. That has a scrotum. I don't care a dildo. I mean, why would a lady? Oh, never mind. There could be more than one lady, Dick. There could be. than one lady dick. There could be.

And hopefully there are. I mean, if the internet's taught me anything, there's really no limit. It's embarrassingly fun to wiggle around. Like, you wouldn't think it, but for some reason you get it in your hand and you're like, oh, I can't stop doing this. It's like doing the pencil.

Like when you wiggle a pen. It looks rubbery. Yeah, but it's like, you know, also a penis. It's like that, but you couldn't do it in public. Or you'd be frowned upon. Yeah, your fans do the coolest fan art and contribution shit. Like high effort stuff all the time. Like who knows if, you know, that dildo.

That was probably like 50 bucks. How much are dildos kyle like pretty expensive yeah um probably something you don't want to cheap out on depends what it's made of and where it's made but uh that could be that could be like a 75 75 dollar dildo you got there i really feel like the margins are too high in the dildo industry am i the only one no no they are yeah i i feel like that's a 15 item that they're selling for $75. With $5 in materials, tops. But we don't know how much mass there is there.

What if it's very heavy and very dense? I mean, that's what you're looking for in a dildo. You want some weight to it, especially a self-defense dildo. Yep. You don't want to be hitting people with a wet noodle over there, some spongy cock. No, you want some mass behind those blows. That explains things. What about the self-defense store that's just guns and then it kind of is a gradient into sex toys?

Lock and cock. Yes. Tape and busters. Cock and lock might be a little better. Yeah, that would be a great that'd be a great store let's invest in that and lose a lot of money because people won't feel comfortable going in like the both of the target markets there i don't think would want to interact with the other target market you know you'd have a bunch of rednecks on one side and then a bunch of you know deviants

on the other i i really like the idea of a dildo bayonet though that people would buy that like if you if you made a dildo bayonet for ar-15s like everybody likes buying those weird attachments for the for the for ar-15s i've seen like brass knuckle grips and all kinds of shit there were a bunch of photoshops of dildo bayonets i remember when cnn tweeted that ridiculous gun image where they're like this is a custom AR and it had a fucking chainsaw underneath that and like people photoshopped that out to put like other guns under there and like a dildo

and then like just an infinite regression of more and more smaller AR-15s Godzilla's down there is there actually a chainsaw attachment like Gears of War yeah that was their example of like the AR-15 is horrifying and it can be modified in many ways

look at this chainsaw gun even in movies they're like let's put a chainsaw, that's unrealistic no how could that be helpful never know what you might need to do so I have an interesting video here I was unaware of this guy's YouTube channel

before this video was brought to my attention today by the good people over at Reddit. Apparently his channel is called Fagatron, his music channel, which I suppose is pretty popular. And he does this little 2 minute and 42 second video here, the guy who runs the channel, explaining why his channel is named Fagatron. And I don't know if he has an inoperable tumor and he just thought he'd troll everyone real hard like a week before he dies or if he actually thought this was a good idea.

But let's sync up at zero on this link I sent up here at 736. For those of you out there, the name of the video is why I called my channel Fagatron. It only has one G. F-A-G-o-t-t-r-o-n yeah three i'm ready two one play hey there folks i thought i'd jump on really quickly and just answer a question that i get all the time um why did you call your youtube channel faggotron as in faggot and then tron

well i was in i've never actually told anybody this story i've always tried to avoid telling people the truth and just kind of give them something a bit more pc but no i'm going to be totally slow down with you guys this time because you know you come on my channel you deserve my honest honest um i came up with faggotron because i've always had a very thorough dislike of homosexuals i've never liked a grown man acting like a 12 year old girl i've always found that to be quite disgusting and so I thought to myself, how best can I express to the world that gays are just an abomination? Is he joking? No.

Well, I guess... Can't tell yet. How can I express to the world that I view gays as an abomination? So I thought, well, here in Australia, we would like to call... Well, I think in America as well, you guys like to call gays fags or faggots.

I think nothing encapsulates really the sissiness of a gay guy quite like the word faggot, you know. So I thought to myself, well, I'm going to call myself Faggotron. And hopefully people get it. Hopefully, well, I want it to be subtle with the whole thing. See, he's fucking around. Fargo in German is actually bassoon. So what you've got there is actually bassoon-a-tron on my YouTube channel, but it doesn't really make much sense because I don't play the bassoon but what I do is is I have a fairly robust resentment of the gay community I

don't want to really get into this but when there was the Orlando shooting and the guy was shouting a lot who Akbar or something I was like oh jesus but yeah i've got to be a bit careful with that because well you know i i don't like gays um but i don't want to see people getting killed in nightclubs either but still i mean you know it's just fantastic it amazes me to see the west um actually welcoming in a culture through the floodgates that once gay is dead actually welcoming in a culture through the floodgates that wants gays dead. That's fantastic.

There you go, guys. A quick story behind my username, Thagatron. I like his real toss-up, can't decide attitude of like, I hate gays so much, but people shouldn't

be getting murdered at nightclubs. It's like, what the fuck? See, I cannot believe that's true. I'm still stuck on it. I don't know. It seems like high-level, you know, deadpan trolling. Yeah. When he says, you know, I hate gays.

I hate them so much. Well, no, gays are degenerate. They're the worst. I hate them. Well, let me be a little more PC, I hate gays. I hate them so much. Well, no, gays are degenerate. They're the worst. I hate them. Well, let me be a little more PC. I hate gays. You know, I wish they weren't around. It's too well structured to be genuine.

I don't know. If that was not genuine, then that was a bit of a public relations error, wouldn't you say? Oh, totally. Like, he doesn't seem that well... There's no way to upload that video and make it come out well for your fanbase. It has 13,000 likes and 13,000 dislikes.

So I guess it was pretty 50-50. But a lot of people like shit like that just because it's hilarious. And it's like, wow, I'm really watching a real-time crash and burn of Fagatron's career. Yeah, that was... It started bad and then it got real bad

and then somehow it got worse. And he never... Dick, I think you're reverbing. Hello! Yeah, a little feedback. But I like how he's like, I'm going to give you a little feedback but I like how he's like I'm going to give you a little bit of a background

in my name Fagatron and then he spends the entire three minute video talking about how much he hates gays and he likes the faggot part of the name and then no mention of Tron and I like robots yeah I don't know where the Tron I was wondering the same thing where are we getting

tron what can you explain it and then he's like and then fargo in german means bassoon so it would be bassoon tron and i'm still wondering like where does the tron come from in this bassoon don't robots don't have same-sex relationships so i like them well that yeah probably the real reason is like well I typed in 50 variations of the word I wanted to use and it wouldn't work until I added Tron to the end when he said he hated gay people I thought he was self hating for a good portion of the video he you know I don't he just seems to really not care for him yeah Yeah, definitely not. I'd like to get him as a guest sometime. Could we get him on and just lead him down a rabbit hole of hatred?

Oh, I would love to pick his brain. Because he seems like he would be very impressionable. You could just start off with the gays, right? And then that would naturally flow into Muslims, clearly. That's where he wanted to take it. And then you could just hit every racial group along the way, right? Like, imagine how he feels about Abos. Oh my god, he's probably killed a few of them himself. I bet he would surprise us with some of his views, because, like, he didn't

even say anything, unless I missed that part, he didn't say anything anti-Muslim in there. He, like, made a joke about, like, and I think it's hilarious how Americans are welcoming in people of a religion that really don't like gays. That's very funny to me. It almost seemed like his potential dislike of Muslims was offset by how much they dislike gays. Yeah, it was. Because he's on that same page. This is the kind of guy who poisons his gasoline so the abos will die. This is an interesting fellow.

Do you need to poison gasoline? I was going to say, gasoline comes pre-poisoned, I think. Ah, they make it all safe for you now. It's unleaded. They took the benzene out. Yeah, yeah. A little feedback again. It was gone for a while there.

It's gone now. It should be hopefully good. I wonder what Dick is doing. He's turning knobs pulling levers give it a nice cock slap with that giant dildo you're right Kyle

that's a very interesting video I feel like I'm usually pretty good at discerning whether someone is a troll or if they're not and this is a really hard one because he seems so genuine at times but that could just be playing it up but he also he uh he does have a successful uh techno career or no yes yeah see that's the thing that's why i think that's legit and maybe in australia it's much more acceptable to quote-unquote hate faggots um but uh and he didn't

quite see the uh the backlash coming um i don't know but uh but but definitely he's gonna he's seeing some negative uh side effects now i saw a couple websites did stories about him and i saw him all over reddit they've got the thread locked you can't comment on it anymore achilles says he has 110 plus million views on his music videos so that's pretty successful like that's successful enough that you can go around and tour and shit i i guess that's where the tron comes from if he's an electric musician i don't think that's a thing but yeah yeah he's an electric musician as the kids call them and uh maybe that's just where they are all tron like like rappers or mc something sometimes sometimes way way in the long long ago mc something yeah they're just mc one thing or another and uh maybe techno is just something

tron now he's faggotron is because you know how in australia cunt isn't like an offensive word they'll be like oi cunt yeah he's a good cunt like that kind of shit is i the way he's talking about faggot i don't think that that extends it seems like that's also one of the no no words in australia because he knew enough to know how offensive there was a part where he's like yeah you know like when we hate gay people we call them faggots. Americans do too. And I'm like, no, I don't say that. If I were to use the word fag at all, it'd probably be a friend of mine. You know, like in a fun way.

Yeah, you're not going to go to a gay club and start screaming at people, you know? Of course not. He would. It seems like. Maybe he works it into his electronic music maybe? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot.

Everybody's like, you know, it's hateful. Look at you. I can't stop tapping my foot. I'm gazing at his dog. There we go. Perfect. Camera?

When he burned that gay man in effigy, I was ready to walk right out the door, but then the beat dropped. I was watching that South African video from the 80s where they put the tire around the gentleman and lit it aflame. And then I found out afterward why they did it. And now it's up in the air. It's likeesus dude well his career's over yeah well i mean maybe you never know it's not like he pulled a rosanne or something like that you know rosanne says that she was on a mixture of ambient uh alcohol and uh and very little sleep also she had bronchitis. And we all know that mixture always produces extreme racism.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Planet of the Apes! And she also said that she didn't know that that lady was black. Do you think that's unbelievable? Yes. I kind of... Well, I don't know. I looked at a picture of the lady and she doesn't look black necessarily. Like, that wouldn't be my first know. I looked at a picture of the lady, and she doesn't look black necessarily.

Like, that wouldn't be my first guess. I would probably guess Hispanic over black. I forgot the name of the company that makes Ambien, but they tweeted her and said that racism is not a side effect of Ambien. Yeah, they would. Pretty funny. I don't give a shit about the Rose. I've never seen an episode of Rose in my life.

I don't give a fuck. But that response, that snarky response from a pharmaceutical company, it's like, fuck you. Like, you're acting like, we don't think racism is caused by Ambien. And it's like, oh, really? Well, how about you go to the huge page of Ambien side effects? And it makes you...

It's not like that in a couple years. It will make you do weird, insane things. A friend of mine who was a Marine in Iraq, you know, in Afghanistan came back and was having trouble sleeping. He got on those ambience to help him sleep and he got a little dependent on him. And there was one night at like two forty five in the morning, you know, in our group chat with me and my friends. And none of us saw it because we were sleeping. But from like two forty five to like five in the morning, he was texting nonstop.

Just insane, weird, tangential shit about like maybe a dog he saw once and it made him want a dog it may be a kid and then the end of it was like an hour-long series of a hundred texts where he planned out every detail of a potential vegas trip with all of us we've never spoken about this but he had all the hotels picked he had every activity picked he had all the restaurants we could go to he had the kind of gambling he had gambling tip links up there it was an insane person's rant and the next morning i woke up and i texted him and like all of us didn't like dude what the hell was that like why would you send that to us and he goes oh i was on ambient last night i have no memory of any of that so i just watched all the games in a row yeah maybe i so i hear where you're coming from, Taylor. And I do believe that Ambien could have been related in making her lose her filter.

But I feel like a non-racist person doesn't drink alcohol and become racist. Instead, they just stop filtering what they're going to say. It's not at all about Roseanne's comment. I'm just talking like, yeah, she said a racist thing. But the way the pharmaceutical company responded to it i hate it because i loved it you're you're lessening the entire issue of enormous side effects being associated with the drugs you manufacture you're just oh let's let's take this whole issue and you know yeah you guys kill people now it's like yeah like it's a line item in your protection of drugs

that you you kill people like we get it, we all take them, but you actively lobby to make it easier or less stringent for you guys to get away with doing it. Like, get the hell out of here. It just takes a really serious issue of side effects of medication and it trivializes it. I asked myself if Ambien had a clever

clap back at Colin Kaepernick if I pronounce his name right, if you guys would like it more. No, I wouldn't like them talking about how, oh, our drug with huge numbers of listed side effects that can change the way you think and behave. Well, it doesn't cause racism. Everyone high-fives all around.

It's like, no, you're taking a serious thing and you're making it trivial. I thought it was funny. I liked it. You liked it? I get what you're saying because i'm uh i like i have a real hard time holding roseanne to anything in this case huh and i don't know if that's just because of her trump support or if i'm kidding myself like i don't remember the last time i've been offended by a joke.

Can I ask you this? Sure. How did you feel when, um, who's the red, Kathy Gifford held Trump's head? Did you think that she should have been given a pass? Griffin? Thank you. I didn't care about,

I thought that was a very weird art piece. Like, it seemed like a movie star trying to be a rock star, but it was like a comedian trying to do a serious art piece. That made me embarrassed, but I thought the message was so stupid and childish that she'd already done as much damage to herself as she could possibly do. You know what I mean? If that's the case, then you're coming off pretty

unbiased to me, which I commend. The worst part about it is it was prop comedy. Yeah, that's unforgivable. That was the most offensive thing. She was full carrot top. Well, she's got the red hair. What could she do? If I was carrot top, I would have been pissed.

Okay, I didn't know that. That she never had hair anymore. I see a lot of people protecting on my Facebook. I have like a thousand Facebook friends. We're real tight. Look at this guy. There are a lot of them protecting Roseanne's

freedom of speech that really were not protecting Kaepernick's freedom of speech. And I thought what he did was much more tasteful. The kneeling. If people don't know the story behind the kneeling, in 10 seconds, he used to just sit on the bench or something. That was because he wasn't playing, though.

That's funny. But actually, a military guy, a soldier, who didn't agree with what he was doing at all said you know what i want to talk to this guy i want to understand why he's doing what he that he does then he explained to him this is a protest he didn't feel like black people were being treated fairly by policemen and he just wanted to sort of get the word out and he says you know what maybe kneel like if you kneel during the the anthem then that's a respectful thing and he mentioned a bunch of other times people kneel like in church and some other places where he's like you know so if you did this then you wouldn't look like you're just slouching on a chair you'd be yeah actively yeah

but there's a difference right like roseanne was on twitter drunk this guy's at work getting paid well yeah yeah yeah you're right like rosanne didn't talk about planet of the apes on the rosanne show that shit didn't air like she didn't write it into a bit i just wanted people to view kaepernick through the lens of respectful protests because that's what he's going for anyway you might not like it a lot of people don't like it but what he's aspiring for is respectful protest. That's why he changed from just sitting to kneeling. If I were, like,

neither one is like a pure free speech issue, but it seems like people only frame it that way when it's on their side. Like, for both Roseanne and Kaepernick, it's like, no, if you work, if you're an employee of a company, the NFL, and you do something that is going to damage the reputation and the income, you know, the NFL's ratings have been tanking. They're not doing well at all. Like being your wife or murder somebody the NFL, and you do something that is going to damage the reputation and the income, you know, the NFL's ratings

have been tanking. They're not doing well at all. Like being your wife or murder somebody? Yeah, if you do that and it really hurts them, then they're going to nix you. They're going to get rid of you. Same thing with Roseanne. You're in an Islamic caliphate, right? Your wife had to be speeched.

Like, ABC has every right to terminate Roseanne if they're like all right well this is not a personality we like being associated with us even if it's done on twitter on our own time like the same thing would have happened i think i think that half of her audience i'm assuming this half democrat half republican would have gotten much more turned off by her show it could have hurt their ratings i know she was killing it but when it got that divided, it might have hurt the show. In the same way that Kaepernick hurts the NFL. I think they're making a rule.

Like that Samantha Bee thing today, where she called Ivanka Trump a feckless cunt. And now everybody, I mean, she's not going to lose her show. But if they wanted to fire her, they would have every right to. She's a woman, it's okay. You know, I hate that we've turned into such toadies for these corporations. Roseanne's a woman. But Roseanne said something about blacks. She didn't say something about women.

Yeah, nobody cares about women. No, no, no. Nobody cares about women if you're a woman. So a man could not have called her, what did you say, a feckless? A feckless cunt. A feckless cunt. A man couldn't have said that, but a woman can. Just like a black person could have made the joke that Roseanne made, and that would have been okay. And that's racist.

It is. I think for me, the Kaepernick stuff got annoying for me when all the NFL guys were doing it, everybody was listening, but then they seemed to just be doing it. All the NFL guys were doing it. Everybody was listening. But then they seemed to just be doing it. It turned from doing it to raise awareness to doing it as an FU. And that might be wrong, but it felt like there was a chance for them to say something. Like, what do you guys want then? And they're also doing it to support Black Lives Matter, i view as a terrorist organization there you go um the rosanne thing is different for me because it was done in the name of comedy even if it was like terrible insult

comedy even if it was to hurt it was still to make a joke and i for like just me personally, I will give anybody as much leeway as they want, as much ability to screw up and say something racist. Because it's so hard to make comedy that's funny to me. Like, to me as a person, I would rather eat glass than watch The Big Bang Theory. Like, I need comedy with an edge and in order to get that we just we need to have an environment where people are going to accidentally make a race a racist joke or accidentally like kathy griffin was making a joke too though or at least i think she was going for that oh and i don't care about that like i thought i was like yeah whatever that's dumb i don I don't care about that. I was like, whatever, that's dumb. I don't give a shit

about that. It's more just that I don't like it because it's dumb. That head thing, that was just kind of shitty. I didn't want to be punished for it. Yeah, I didn't want to. Also, do you think anyone could have held Obama's bloody head and that the media would have been like, it's performance art.

Oh my god, it's funny you mentioned that. There was a video where I had this black mannequin. Yeah, and it was not called performance art or defended. True. There was a video where I had a black mannequin. And I was going to cut its head off with a samurai sword. And look, when I took the mannequin out of the box and it was black, we were shocked. We were like, oh no.

Oh no. It's a black mannequin. Did you know it was black? And I was like, no, we didn't know. It's a black mannequin. Did you know it was black? And I was like, no, we didn't know. It's in the white box. It's in the white box. There's a reason we don't use black mannequins, goddammit. We've been through this before.

We shoot clowns, vampires, ghouls, and white people. I told you to get it from Nordstrom, not dicks. Those are who we should... And I was like, well, we gotta do it. That's the end of the video. We've been planning this whole thing. Now I'm gonna, huzzah,

and cut its head off with the... And then hold the head up. And it looked a little like Obama. Like, only in the most general ways, right? Just a short short cropped skinned black man and and and i i i thought you had the link to me holding the head but but thankfully you don't um but but but yeah i get where you're coming from i wasn't necessarily offended by what kathy griffin did it did seem a little over the line it honestly it seemed like such an overreaction by her

she's yeah she's she's like oh let's cut his head off like like i don't i remember the climate a little differently like when trump first became president my little universe of you know vision and influence everyone seemed to be running so anti-Trump, right? All the late night hosts were talking about ramping it up every single day. Stephen Colbert said something that he had to back off. I forget exactly what it was. Kathy Griffin held his dead head up. And that, everyone was like, whoa, whoa,

we're not on your team anymore. Suddenly she's the only one misbehaving. Everyone else stepped back and left her out there on her own holding this decapitated head that that's how i remember the environment that that she was just like what i thought we were all going i thought we were all running this direction and then she's by herself that that's how i recall it like how much they they amped that up where they'd be like he's a he's a nazi yeah yeah he uh he he wants to genocide whole groups of people yeah yeah he's racist he wants to fuck his daughter i'm gonna hold his head whoa

yeah yeah suddenly keep saying he's a genocidal maniac who wants to fuck his children stop with the the grotesque that's exactly right right. That's how I remember it. It's funny, I almost forgot about something. He said something about Ivanka, is that the daughter's name? Yeah. Being like, he would date her in a different universe where he wasn't her father, and everyone

just went bonkers over that. I don't know why, because we can all see it right like like wouldn't you be thinking the same thing if you were her father like well you're lucky i'm your dad because i i'd fuck you i'd like to hope so right yeah and some of us would we would be like hey no i just don't tell anybody right jesus christ no no no you're on your own on that one yeah yeah uh that uh that feckless cunt comment that uh sam b made uh sally field responded to it and said i like samantha b a lot but she is flat wrong to call ivanka a cunt cunts are powerful, beautiful, nurturing, and honest. And I need...

I am so tired of the blowing that women do to themselves of the power of their vagina. How is your pussy honest? What the fuck are you on? You're a chick, so you can just list any number of words. It's industrious. It's hardworking. It's intelligent. And everyone will will unlike your testicles taylor they can take a pounding no they're they're evil no testicles are evil testicles are are weak just

like men like you know name name they are weak buildings not built by comparison like which one is more durable which one can take a pounding which Which one? The testicles and cunts? Like, I would want a cunt by my side if I was in some sort of street fight. It's so stupid it's embarrassing for me to read that. Aren't the testicles more analogous to ovaries and the penis

more analogous to the vagina? Even the penis. I don't know. Still don't like it getting banged around. It needs to be treated kindly. Would you describe your penis as dishonest? It has dishonest thoughts sometimes. It's always telling me to tell lies.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think you're on your own with this one, Taylor. My penis is a dirty liar. Tell me if you're on the same page with this a little bit. You know exactly what I'm talking about with this, you know, gynocentric, like, pussies are powerful and honest and strong. And it's like, it's just funny to watch so many undoubtedly women and men

who are trying to sneak their way into having sex with women retweeting this because they know it's good optics for them. It's like, it's a meaningless, mush-mouthed, bullshit statement that 27,000 retweets now. That's how easy it is for them. Every one of those adjectives is cheaper than dinner. You know, the card. Less effort.

That's true. I had no opinion on Sally Field. Now it's like, why would you put yourself out there like that? You look like a retard. Yeah, I try to. So Dick might not know very well. I'm not a big Trump fan, but I do try to hold my criticisms of him to actual real issues.

That's tough. I have a few. I mean, it's just tough to get actually what he said sometimes. I'll read it and have to track it down through two articles and say, oh, that was what he said? Yeah, that's not at all how they phrased it in the headline. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. But anyway, yes, I could go down my list.

I think the budget bill that he signed is quite large. I think the tax cut was not that helpful. I think that he's overly concerned about 70,000 Chinese jobs. And, you know, but you don't hear me talking about, I don't know, bullshit. Mango Mussolini. He's just evil. He's like that Italian fascist who murdered hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah, he's not like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's so many real things to dislike Trump on that it's silly to watch the complete hysterics that people get in. Where it's like, you just go down the list. You know what we need, man? Like, to fight all of this pussy power, vagina hat, women are, vaginas are strong. It's not even women anymore.

It's the vaginas themselves. We need like a rebirth of big johnson t-shirts do you remember those oh yeah we need an extremely pro obnoxious answer to the pussy hat stuff that we can that a guy with torn off sleeves and a worn pocket of skull in the back of his jeans can rock unashamedly in public at all hours. Like we, we need to have, we need to have that mob out.

It can't be like our mob right now. It's just guys who are remembering the fallen. That's not, that's not funny. We don't need, we don't need guys with MIA patches out there. We need big Johnson t-shirts, a liquor in the liquor in the front poker in the rear.

There's a whole series of t-shirts. I like the way you go into the whole, like electricians do liquor in the front, poker in the rear. There's a whole series of T-shirts. I like the way you go into the whole, like, electricians do it in the dark, fishermen get you wet. I don't know. There used to be a ton of these for sale on my boardwalk as a kid. Yeah, they need to bring those back. You're right.

Those hyper-masculine, semi-obnoxious shirts really disappeared unexpectedly. Because I think guys got too pussy-whipped. They got too sensitive. And all of this collective crying out for pussy powers, just like, please, guys, will you man up and talk about your dicks a little bit? Everybody,

trade your beards for a Big Johnson shirt and come over here and pound us, for God's sake. Homo's showing up to work in a Hollister for crying out loud. What was that Bill Burr quote from one of his earlier specials

when he was way more over the line? Where he's like, I think it was, women are constantly patting themselves on the back about how difficult their lives are and no one corrects them because we want to fuck them. Yeah, yeah. It's the world's hardest job come on bitch the world's you can't do the world's hardest job in your pajamas dvds into dvd players

how do you do it here i was thinking roofing is a redhead in july was a hard job yeah yeah right some coal miner covered in dust talking, your job is rough. I mean, to be fair, in a weird way, I would rather dig ditches and mine coal than listen to an endless stream of guys try to get me to suck their cock. You know what I mean? Tell me that they're the greatest thing that's ever going to be in my life. Like, I don't know. I don't know why I just thought of that or how weird it is, but the interactions with somebody where they're so clumsily trying to get me to sleep with them,

maybe that, maybe it is harder that way. I'm going to regret saying that or thinking about it, but God, the social interactions would be so friggin' weird as women every day. Yeah, because like, it'd be hard to take shit honestly.

Because when they said, like, oh, man, your art's really, really good, it'd be like, oh, well, thank, wait, hold on. Are you just trying to get me to blow you? Like, that's a good point. It would be tougher to be a woman in that way. I think I could get used to it. Imagine you have to be a fairly good-looking woman, right? At least better than average

and the whole world gives you the benefit of the doubt for everything the whole world is just like you know what let i'll hold the door why would you hold your own door you know do you need are you crossing the street let me give you a hand with that i don't know every fucking bullshit oh are you carrying nine paper towels i can't allow that let me grab them for you that would be a wonderful existence no one does that shit for me oh did you try to make a joke i'm gonna laugh anyway don't worry about it yeah you did your best you tried and that's all you're here for there's the whole um what there's a rule for it 4chan defined why women on the internet have to have tits or get the fuck out. Because no one's gonna fuck

them, right? Nobody fucks women on the internet. So, their only value is that of their charisma, which is weak, like mine, I suppose. And therefore, to get that value back, to get their female advantage, they have to show their tits.

At which point, they're welcome. This tits, at which point they're welcome. This was from like six years ago on 4chan, but I found the pasta already. Oh, can you read it? Yeah, yeah, I'll read it. And it's the image they chose to link was a guy in a suit with a glass of wine. It says, you know, smiling, and it says, eat shit. But it says, if I can pontificate a bit for your edification one of the rules of the internet is there are no girls on the internet

this rule does not mean what you think it means in real life people like you for being a girl they want to fuck you so they pay attention to you and pretend that you have interesting things to say or that you're smart or clever on the internet we don't have the chance to fuck you this means the advantage of being a girl does not exist you don't get a bonus to conversation just because I'd like to put my cock in you

so when you make a post like herder I'm a girl you're begging for attention The only reason to post it is because you want your girl advantage back because you're too vapid and too stupid to say anything Interesting without it we're forgetting the rules There are no girls on the internet the only exception to this rule the only way you can get your girlness back on the internet Is to post your tits this is and should be degrading for you an admission that the only interesting thing about you is your naked body How amazing is that? Now take a moment.

Kyle, that was a perfect response. Now take a moment. You're like, oh my god, is he on to something? It seems like he's... Did Pogo write that? I don't know who wrote that. Someone on. I mean, he is kind of on onto something a little bit it seems right

he nailed it he he nailed it like a roman soldier just just got it real good right through the i temporarily forgot the word misogynistic right it's so misogynistic but not so i didn't say it was so wrong just mis misogynistic. That's where I stand. If it's not wrong, can it be misogynistic? No. No, it can't. There you go. And I'm a man, so I get to decide. I'd like to ask both of our female listeners what they think about this.

We have two, and one of them has a penis. Oh, we have to have at least a couple out there. Probably not. This show does not cater well to women it is weird when you're like you guys probably have a very active subreddit or community when you find out after a while that one of them has been a woman the whole time you're like what the hell have i been oh okay i gotta go back and look at our conversations here there's there's a very small group of them.

They make themselves known occasionally. But there aren't many. There are very few of them. They are the 1%. They are the.02%. Or they wouldn't be here. Yeah, that guy pretty much nailed it. Yeah, two of them are into like internet porn making it and uh and one of them literally has a penis so yeah i don't know if they're both quite

famous but the one is uh kicking ass in the amateur porn genre yeah man yeah good for her that seems like the way to do porn nowadays if you're gonna be a porn starlet is just go do amateur like with your boyfriend yep and it's like you don't you control when you fuck and when you do your scenes or whatever you probably make a way more like you obviously make a higher percentage of the income i would think unless porn hub or whatever is taking a cut now i thought that but tank top andy from the the hangout was saying that the elite, the top, is Sugar Daddy. That's where the most money is made. Well, that's a whole different thing, though.

Yeah, but that's more like getting into an individual relationship. You're just fucking that one guy. You're not putting content out there for people to masturbate to. So, yeah, I thought Chatterbait was the new porn, that that's where you want to be now, that old-school recorded porn was old school. You don't do that. Like, no one pays for porn, so you got to do it live. But I guess I'm wrong.

Interactive, it's too much work. I went into the MyFreeCams game, blew 20 bucks tipping Eastern European broads 10 cents a pop to see their tits. It's just, you gotta learn their schedules. Oh, you gotta step your game up. You gotta learn Eastern Europe so you're like up at 2 in the morning.

There's always some other guy in there who's gonna outbid you by a penny, like the price is right. It's just, it's too much. You just get a girlfriend already. Oh, wait, your theory for less work is to get a real-life girl? Have you tried it? Have you put that into practice?

Because it's a ton of work. You just need to spend a little bit more money. Here's $300. You're going to need a head of cabbage, a goat skin, a puppy, and a rolling pin. Go ahead and get started. Can you pay those people to eat those things? Oh, that'd be fun.

You trade in your chips at the beginning and you know she's not shaking you down for a hand job at night like the my free cams girls are so you forget about that you know it's like a it's like a gambler fallacy i guess i don't know what it is how long ago were you doing this was this like early 2000s when that was the big big thing um i guess probably. Somewhere around there. It definitely hasn't taken over. I think something that's pretty big now is people who have social media

in other ways. You get to see who the person is and then see them get fucked. I think the thing is an Instagram girl who's also making porn and stuff like that. People are into that. But the whole Chatterbait thing is more like a different genre of porn, if anything.

It's like enjoying live streams. You know, right? Like we've talked about Ice before and how Chiz and I like to watch the long format. That'd be like the Chatterbait kind of person. But Woody is more of a highlight reel kind of guy it turns out you know what you're right because the thing about there is no fast forward button on the chatterbait no no no so you just look at your selection of like 112 live cams where you're

like all right which one of these is about to get to something good you know and there's usually a few like i'd only like tried chatterbait like very recently i think it was because we were speaking about it actually and that was something i figured out immediately it's like you go on their home page or whatever and whatever the biggest stream is you like click on that and it'll just be like some dude and chick sitting on a couch naked speaking to each other in Croatian or something. And then you see a little thing at the bottom where it's like 300 of 4,000 bucks or

tokens or whatever need it. And I'm like, I'm supposed to sit here and wait until someone else pays for porn? I'm going to go over to one of the many free sites and I'll be cleaning my kitchen in 20 minutes instead of seriously getting frustrated. And i'll be doing i'll be cleaning my kitchen in 20 minutes instead of i may have more experience in this than you taylor the other thing these girls do and i it seems intentional is they do something for the thumbnail right you click and you're like whoa she's about

to blow that guy or he's about to insert like this is about to hit its zenith and then you click on it and for the next 11 minutes they're in that same position you know that they're about to do something cool and you're like oh fuck they know this game they're they're manipulating the thumbnail he's just sitting there they're doing their own freeze frame Pretty much yeah yeah And you know I clicked on one of those once Pets and animals

Yeah he'll just sit there Like in doggy style With his limp but you can't tell Dick laying on her rump And you're like oh he's about to fuck her But no no he's posing He's posing there And in the thumbnail you don't know's about to fuck her. But no. No. He's posing. He's posing there. And in the thumbnail, you don't know what's going on.

11 minutes later, no progress. None. That's what I look up when I'm looking at porn. Rump stuff. Show me stuff involving the rump. I don't know why I try to talk about Charterbait without using bad words. But here I am. Well, you're right.

Your description was perfect. Like, there was one i was clicking on and it was like oh this looks like something's about to go down let's see i'm not waiting for you know uh natasha to get her to extra 600 tokens and so you click on it and it's just like the the intermission between fucking and so it's just some dude standing there like kind of out of breath like drinking a drinking a, you know, a propel kiwi strawberry water with his dick hanging out. And it's like, this isn't even porn.

I'm just watching a naked man rehydrate. Dude, I saw one that was less porn than that. The girl, so there's a guy and a girl in the bed together, right? And if there's one charming thing about Chatterbait, it's that they're very comfortable naked. They just lay there naked on camera thing about Chatterbait, it's that they're very comfortable naked.

They just lay there naked on camera. I don't know, it's charming. And she has a guitar, and she starts jamming, and she's playing the guitar, and she's singing at the same time. If you've ever tried it, it's pretty hard, I think. And she's good. She's not great, but she's good.

So I watch her jam on the guitar, thinking, like Kyle said, I'm gonna get to know her for a little bit, and then I i watch her jam on the guitar thinking like like kyle said i'm gonna get to know her for a little bit and then i'll watch her fuck but no the show ended and i'm like it was just naked guitar what a bunch of horse shit i didn't come here for naked concerts but that's what i got and the comments in the side of chatterbait are some it's some it's sad to see them of like it's just some dude fucking some other girl and then a bunch of thirsty guys in the comments being like oh you're so sexy baby oh i would love to take you out to dinner or like just shit like that it's like do you not see she just had three men come on her face for 60 fuck that's in virtue i don't know what they're bitcoins putting you through college this is beer money the comments are some of my favorites so the

stuff you see like oh you're so beautiful i wish i was with her yeah then i can you know like i can get i can understand they're just being complimentary but what's great for me i get my joy is when they're like um can you take your socks off and i'm like ah that guy i just learned something about like you know not my name one two three people i don't they play video games like is there any twitch competitor where it's just all the girls are naked all the time should be right i would watch that the problem is they're not even good at the video games like why even have them play the games if they're gonna be that bad at them maybe their boyfriend could play them yeah there was a youtuber who did that she was a um they they had like a hot chick like headlining the band but but

she was just lip-syncing to some gamer dude's gameplay, if you know what I mean. Everybody was like, wow, she's amazing. Look at her snipe. And look at her titties. How is she playing with both hands on her nipples? Meanwhile, it was her boyfriend's gameplay. Yeah, that was funny. What was her name?

Do you remember? She was a sniper, right? Sniper, wolf, wolf sniper. I don't care. Something like that? Okay. I'm glad that I've forgotten. I have a couple of advertisements to get to here, so let me do that. Facebook, everybody disappears.

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Advertising companies tracking you. Hackers trying to get at you. Disguise yourself. Sitting in your poop in the mail. Well, they can't protect against the poop in the mail, but everything else. But, hey, can we segue to Wings? Well, I was going to do another ad read real quick because I've got...

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When you can do it in Squarespace, very reasonably priced, very easy. All the modules, easy to click around and move. You won't regret it. Yes. You wanted to go to Wings Talk, Woody? I did. He says he has his surgery scheduled. Should we catch a dick up for who Wings is and who we're talking about?

Thank you. Is that the guy you had a beef with, Kyle? I don't know. I guess we all do in a little bit. He's a slug of a man that we like to marvel over. Once over, he's suing us for half a bill.

So get on our level. Go ahead, Kyle. He's a guy we used to work with and uh he does these uh he does twitch streaming now gaming stuff and he rages a lot and there's a huge movement now that follows his rage um you know um i don't know if you know who mr medeker is but he he made a video on wings it's got like uh last time i checked it was like it was over 300 000 views or something like that. Isn't that great? Isn't that a great feeling, that mocking video? I think of them in terms of football stadiums.

Two Dodger stadiums have seen this video shitting all over this guy. Fuck you. That's like 350,000 views. Yeah. Oh, that's like four Dodger stadiums. Yeah, it's crazy. Three Worldger stadiums. It's crazy. Three World Cup stadiums have seen this guy. He's so

interesting. We're very interested in him here. One of the niche things about him is that he weighs about 465 pounds and he's been on this weight loss journey for the last 30 years or so. Recently, for the last, let or so and uh and so recently for the last let's call it four months he's been raising money for uh bariatric surgery

but he's but he's had the money for so long at this point he's got like five times as much money as is required to get the surgery he's been planning to get it in mexico he's just milking it we think so yeah can i interrupt on that so he he's just milking it? We think so. Can I interrupt on that? So he might be milking it. That's definitely a possibility. But he might be just scared. And that might be one of the reasons that it took much longer than you'd

guess. Because he doesn't leave his town very much. He doesn't leave his house very much. And I guess he's going to Mexico, because they have lower standards. He doesn't have to lose weight in advance and stuff like that. So to ask a guy who's not very worldly to just pack up and go to Tijuana for some surgery is a big ask. And I think that is part of what slowed down the process. Well, he's just lying.

He has enough to get it in the U.S. now. He's had enough to get it in the U.S. now, but they want him to lose like 60 pounds before they'll do it safely, and he didn't look for a second opinion. He stopped at the first doctor who told him that, rather than doing what Boogie did and be like, oh yeah? Well, I'll find someone who will do it. Let me go to doctor two. Oh, you say no to? Let me find doctor three.

Oh, I gotta travel three states over? No big deal. I'm changing my life. Wings was like, oh, is an excuse to be had here? Alright, see you later. And just said fine big deal i'm changing my life wings was like oh is an excuse to have to be had here all right see you later and and just said fine and walked away so he's getting the surgery in mexico supposedly but i still don't believe it's scheduled i'll believe it when i see like some legit documentation and he'd never show that i'll believe it when i see him and fucking mexico surrounded by mexicans speaking mexican so let me help people catch up for this. He says the surgery is scheduled between three and six weeks from now.

Now, the reason he's not giving us the date is that people fuck with him, and they do. If he said, look, I'm going to be at the airport on June 17th, then they might fuck with him. They might find a way to cause him trouble. So there's some logic in saying three to six weeks but it's also far enough out that and broad enough like he he didn't say mid-june you know where it's kind of hard to fuck with him he he gave himself such a big period of time it

could be that it's not actually scheduled because i mean he has a history of lying about that being scheduled right he's told us oh we already have the plane ticket. Ah, airlines don't care. You can just change the date willy-nilly all you want. They're cool with that. Don't you know? I don't know if he has a passport. If he doesn't want to be fucked with, couldn't he just make up the wrong date? If you don't want people showing up at the airport, you say, oh, I'm going to be there.

If you're flying out on the 12th, he says, I'm going to be there on the 13th. See you guys. Like, suckers, I'm going to be there. If you're flying out on the 12th, I'm going to be there on the 13th. See you guys. Suckers, I'm out of here. He is the worst liar on the planet. He lies a lot and really poorly, like continuously, like all kinds of things. That's the combo. I'm also a pretty bad liar, but I don't lie very much. There's no long history of me getting busted on lies on PKA,

and none, I think. But Wings lies a lot, and there's a long history of him getting caught. Why the hell do people watch this guy? He's fascinating! Oh my god, you have no idea. You don't know anyone like him, I'm sure of it. He's the only guy.

He rages at video games. There's no telling how many controllers he's broken. 18, right? And he does it on stream all the time. His back wall behind him is damaged permanently. There's holes all over it. It's dented from just wicked controllers. Just raging.

The picture falls off the wall now and then one time he got up and he threw the picture off as well i don't know why he's so mad at the picture but but he was and and he yells at his uh subscribers and fans yeah he tells them to kill themselves says he wishes that her parents would die in a fire and a wreck and that you live the rest of your life knowing that they died a horrible death and and like the oh and then you know how you have to treat your fans with some respect they are the lifeblood of your channel etc etc yeah well he's just like if you're not gonna donate you're worthless to me get the fuck out it's great he's like you don't mean anything to me and uh he'll do that thing where like

you know obviously twitch streaming you're relying on donations and shit and you can also run commercials is he'll like spitefully be like, God, I haven't got... I've been doing this for four hours, I've only got 50 bucks. Enjoy three minutes of ads. And then just play three minutes of ads for him, and then do it again.

Yeah. And a lot of times when he complains about money, they start giving it to him. So it's been really lucrative. He's doing great. The thing that I think is interesting, and Mr. Medeker, we had to explain it to him so it's been really lucrative like he's doing great yeah and my the thing that that that i think is interesting and mr medicare like we had to explain it to him because medicare thought that like wings was doing poorly and i was like oh no wings makes five or six thousand dollars a month in donations every fucking month he makes he makes every time you

check over there he's met he's already got a hundred and hundred dollars in the bank and he's still going like he's doing very well he's just being miserable as fuck every step of the way but it's a great show he makes good content i think you know like i i i know he doesn't enjoy it right he he doesn't want to be on twitch he doesn't want to be on Twitch. He doesn't want to be in the public eye. There are so many people enjoying his misery that it makes him more miserable. And there are a bunch of channels, I don't know, six, ten channels that have sprouted up. And they just take clips of his worst moments and string them together as a montage. And there's new content like 15 times a week. And Woody's not saying it like these aren't highlight streams of stuff. Well, I mean, I guess they're low light streams.

But like it's not like once a month a new one comes out. It's every day. They'll take like there will be whole sections of every stream that they re-upload of him being upset at someone. someone or like medicare was a guest on our show just because he was so or a big reason being he was so fascinated and wanted to get all the the deets before he made his 40 minute long wings video that's a medicare video man it is so hard to get good freaks these days ice beside is good at it we had a guy we had a guy on my show call in like He was a huge Maddox detractor. And then it turned out he was one of these weird... I mean, this is going to go in an uncomfortable direction.

But he was one of these weird guys that obsessed about anime characters that looked like young girls but were 9,000-year-old vampires, and that was cool with him. Like, he was endlessly fascinating. Somebody, he challenged somebody to a boxing match. Like, he got... That's reasonable behavior. Yeah, he made a limited-time podcast

with a guy on the show, and he got so upset about a joke somebody made that he threw his phone and smashed his computer during the show. It was like this. You could entertain us forever. But then he disappeared. And it was it was like he vanished into the sunset and left so many people just wanting his insanity. It was it was like the opposite of one of those old movies where somebody is like the greatest hockey player who ever lived.

And they just they need him to come back to play one game but it was like man you're the greatest freak you could be the greatest like psycho rageaholic freak on twitter but you've just got to do this son you've got to play this game you've got to get back on the webcam so people can endlessly mock you dude so his fetish was that he wanted to be with anime characters who are like 10,000 years old in a fantasy world, but they look like children? I mean, I don't want to do his argument. I don't want to do the I'm not a pedophile argument. But everything he was into made me very uncomfortable. They were 9,000-year-old children.

That's not pedophile. Yeah, that's fine. You got a loophole Terry But Wings so What was I gonna the mocking The ang oh he took Lexapro And he's on Lexapro now And on some levels that kind of

Lowers the rage and the anxiety But he also kind of Beats Lexapro and still manages To get very upset over things And for me like I'm starting to get it like, wow, like, you ever see one of those big guys that wears the I Beat Anorexia t-shirts? That's

him and Lexapro at this point. He's all pissed off and he's not supposed to have any anxiety now, but he still won't play certain games. God of War in front of people. Yeah, he hasn't cried. He hasn't cried in a while.

And I'm going to be honest, when he cries, that gets my juices flowing. When he breaks down and tears start flowing and stuff, I feel like that's real. Because there's no way he can fake that. When Kyle says it gets his juices going, don't mistake that for meaning that he's empathizing with his own tears. He's laughing joyously as this man is crying. Yeah, tears of joy for me. I don't know, anguish for him, I suppose. But I know it's real then.

That's the thing. It gets the blood in his black heart going. That's the juices he's talking about. Absolutely. It's like when a girl cries in a porno. You know it's real. You know she's really not enjoying it And then you can get off

So when I see Wings crying I know he's not just Both of you I know he's not just Faking it I know he's not just raging because he thinks it'll get viewers He's really upset if he's crying Because he's not an actor

He's not over there with some onion Fucking chopping it up on his desk out of frame. No. And he whimpers and stuff. It's great. The one where he whimpered? The way they edited it. Like, it is... Like, these edits are not low quality.

Like, Mr. Big Guy is the name of the song. I don't know if we can listen to that on the show. I don't think so. But it has, like, 100,000 views now. And it's a guy who put a lot of effort into this. And Wings' crying was on there, and you know there's different pitches in crying, like that kind of shit.

That guy isolated all those little sounds and used those as like beat points in the song. At the end of the song, it's like... As you're listening to it, you're like, what is that? I'm like... But they took Wings whimpering, and they went.

I guess he put it into a synthesizer so he could play the tune on his keyboard. It's pretty amazing. The whole scene is amazing. And it's good content. It's good content. And part of it, this is why I'm watching YouTube more and more. It's so real. It's real.

I tried to watch Terror the other night, which is actually a pretty good show. And it's losing me. These are all actors in costumes. I'd rather watch some guy bump his head while repairing a diesel engine and get angry because it's real. I enjoy it. He's all dirty. I guess he rubs his nose a lot off camera because it's real i enjoy it he's all dirty i guess he rubs his nose a lot off camera because it's constantly all dirty and it's it's hilarious to see him like talk to the

camera and not know how disgusting his face looks i love it i love all of it deboss i'm talking about you and uh wings of redemption is real i think if he's playing this as a long con, he's a genius because I'm falling for it. He deserves it. I mean, that's the next level is just the most gifted of our actors dedicating themselves to pretending to be complete psychopaths online. Well, speaking of live streamers who are real, and there's no fakery involved,

Ice Beside is, of course, on his second RV trip. They were in St. Louis last night. I was shocked. Bitter boy Taylor didn't go over there and hang out with him. A lot of people did. I know, right? A lot of people were just like... I got a lot of tweets about that.

You're going to go hang out with Ice at the RV live stream? You'd have gotten laid for sure. He had a couple of hot chicks over there. Were they of age? Yeah. Not those chicks. Those chicks weren't hot. Woody, come on. Yeah, they were.

I saw a conversation about their age. They're like, you're 16 and you're 17. Then they're like, you're 21, right? 22? They're like, yeah, yeah. I'm just such a little sketch the one chick was 22 the other was like uh 20 she's just saying they id'd him i might be mixed up i don't know yeah the girls in the car were those weren't cute chicks

anyway like he got a hot chick later on but uh the interesting thing about this little clip we're about to watch here is something that I've had a hard time getting Woody to believe in the past, and that is that Ice's poor hygiene is not an act or a joke. When he says he shits blood, he shits blood because he's unhealthy. When he says he bathes once every 10 days or so, he's not kidding. He only bathes every 10 days or so when he says he might brush his teeth every 3 or 4 days he means it and so here is Ice after let's just say 10 days

of not bathing maybe a week of being in the same clothes and traveling across the country in the southwest in an RV a girl's giving him a massage so let's I'm cute at zero here. Three.

Is this from last night? Yes. Three, two, one, play. She's massaging him. This is funny. She's behind him. Look at her face. She's not happy.

She's cautious about touching him again. Oh, she wants help. She needs an adult. Look at these ugly bitches. These are not the cute chicks, by the way. These chicks are rough. Look at that redhead. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, she's... She's horrible. I'm watching it like on repeat she laughs she was texting me about their decisions last night because people who aren't from st louis will come into the city off and be like oh i'm gonna go poke around east st louis and people who are from here like don't do that this isn't a joke you don't go fiddle fuck around over there because it looks like a torn down paintball course you know it's it's ruined in every sense of the word and like ice and them are apparently like yeah we're gonna go over there and we're gonna see what's going on and you know just just poke around see if we can get some interviews on the street and east st louis at night it's the only like when you look at the most murder ravaged cities it's like in it's

honduras levels over there it's terrible and they also didn't seem to understand that east st louis is in illinois not missouri and so they were going to drive over there with guns in the car and illinois you know for our non-american listeners they're very anti gun you'll go straight to jail do not pass go so what ended up happening what they were in a truck they were in a truck and They were in a truck, and I don't know all of the characters, because they mix and match, but Ice and Bjorn were in the backseat of the truck.

That's all that really matters. Oh, it was a truck. Yeah, and I think it was a fan's truck. And they're driving around looking for scary parts of St. Louis, and they ended up on this, pulled into this gas station type thing, and there's a one-armed black man there and he's like what y'all looking for what y'all looking for y'all want some weed

and they're like yeah we want some weed yeah sure you got where's it at it's right around the corner I hook you up my boy hook you up and they're like all right let's do this. And then the guy gets on his phone. He's going to flip phone. He's like, yeah, I need it. A pound. I need a pound for my people. And they're like, how much is a pound? He's like, $1,300. It'd be cool.

You got it? You got it? And they're like, yeah, we're going to go to the bank and get that money. We'll be right back. And then they drive away and never come back. And it didn't, honestly, it seemed a little like maybe they were thinking about robbing eyes but maybe they were just selling some really cheap weed but Bjorn the guy from

where's Bjorn from Finland Denmark or something Denmark Bjorn's from Denmark the whole time he's sitting over there refusing to make eye contact with the black guy and when they drive away he was like that is the most afraid I have ever been in my life. It was

nearly one-armed robbery. I have never been so afraid in my life. I was so scared. If they saw someone with a hammer, that would have been the best content. You may not know, Dick, we've had a spat of hammer-related murders in the St. Louis area in the past few months.

A homeless man broke into an abandoned hospital and beat four other homeless men, a couple of them to death, with a hammer. And then there was another hammer-related murder. And so there's a hammerer out there. No, no, he wasn't a live streamer. He was just a homeless man with a claw hammer. How's he going is all the message out there without getting it out to the people that's right you could at least get like an ipad stream hammering yeah an android you know no i don't know my ipad oh i don't know whatever oh yeah

you're not the one who's super passionate about that that was mad just because they're cheaper oh i have an android too yeah i do yeah just seems like it does the same shit i was gonna go iphone this time because all my friends always bitch at me with my uh they call me poor person green text you can't be texting girls with no green bubbles man that you're waiting into uh you're waiting into no man's land oh it's a green bubble on that thing i like that it's worked out you don't know. Taylor, he overcomes the green bubble. You know, you have to be more confident when you have a green bubble. I didn't realize that everybody saw a green bubble.

Yeah. I thought that was just in the group text. You're blue if you're iPhone. You're green if you're nobody. This is some kind of caste system they're trying to implement here, isn't it? You've got to come up with an excuse. Like, oh, baby, I don't text at all. I only talk on the phone.

For people who want, it made sense at one point because not everyone had unlimited texts. So when it first came out, it'd be like, oh, this is another iPhone person. I'm sending like Wi-Fi data messages and I'm not burning through my texts. Whereas if it's an Android person, you're using those like 100 texts a month

but now everyone has unlimited so it's just a cast system i was in line at subway maybe like a week ago and i heard someone in front of me complaining on their phone as they were talking about first of all you're ordering a sandwich coffee fucking phone asshole we're all waiting too and second he was complaining about his minutes he's like i gotta go i don't have i'm running out of minutes and i'm like what fucking year is your phone plan from who has minutes anymore have you even heard of like he's got to be like boost mobile or something that's still charging by the minute i don't even know how many minutes we have it might be unlimited but we never hit it i do hit my data limit all the time though i got grandfathered into a unlimited data one because i've been on the same phone plan for

a long time so i can i can use as much as i want man i just got back from the middle east and it was like the they figured out exactly how much to charge you to make you hate everything you're doing on your phone and everyone you're talking to for talking to them on your phone. It was $10 a day, like $0.50 to send a text, and $0.02 to get one. It was brutal. It was just terrible. What were you in the Middle East for? For Burning Man.

For Burning Man Israel. Wait, are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A friend of mine lives in Abu Dhabi. He works at NYU in Abu Dhabi. So Abu Dhabi is this desert country that is swimming in money, I think because of oil. I can't imagine what else it would be. So they know that the oil is going to run out and the money is going to run out.

So now they're trying to build a history a rich history for themselves so abu dhabi uh gave nyu an ass load of money to franchise their campus there like it's it's things that you don't think could be purchased the abu dhabi government has purchased and put in their country like a super villain like they've got a louvre the museum too in abu dhabi is this one of those countries where like it's ran by like a prince or a king or something who's just got like a million racing horses and he's worth 20 billion a shake and every racing horse has a harem and a ferrari um it's it's it's such a It's such a weird country. Everyone speaks English. There's only

American stores. There's a Church's Chicken and a Popeye's Chicken on the same block where my buddy lives. Church's Chicken in the United Arab Emirates. Yeah. And they have calls to prayer five times a day, starting at four in the morning.

Like the whole city is hooked up on bomb sirens that all go off at the same time reading scripture from the Koran. Where I assume everybody gets up and does the hokey pokey or something. It's called a prayer. Yeah. Can you imagine if five times a day you just heard blaring, you imagine if five times a day you just heard blaring our father who art in heaven hallowed and everybody had to stand up and like you know and then kneel again stand and kneel and then do the like i can't be bananas i if i hear one alarm a day i want to kill myself like five i don't know what i would do like there's no snooze on uh uh the call to prayer you know what i mean god's getting all those prayers at once, though.

He's not going to notice if one person doesn't file out. You know, if I were God, I'd want them to just do it spread out throughout the day. Maybe I'd do it by, like, last name letter, alphabetically. They do have a weird on-your-honor system where you can skip it and then pray twice. Like, it's the end of the day. But as far as everything else about the country

led me to leave that they were they were very serious about it you can't drink or smoke there right if you're a Christian you can get a drinking license which lets you drink at hotel bars. Nice. Which is nice. You got your drinking license, bruv. Yeah, they have that. And you can cohabitate with somebody. So here's the thing. You can cohabitate with somebody you're married with. And that's it.

You can't be gay. You can't be gay at all. Unless you're the same sex. That's how that works. Oh, I see. We're back to cohabitating. Yeah, you can be roommates with somebody of the same sex. You have to be married to someone of the opposite sex to live with them.

But if you're gay, you can live together because everyone assumes you're roommates. Yeah. Well, that's how it's always been, right? Yeah. Like, there's so many historical figures. Like, this is how it's always been, right? There's so many historical figures. This is just Muhammad and Muhammad, good friends. Like Burton Ernie,

very innocent. And then you can't hold hands. If you're a man and a woman, you can't hold hands in public, period. However, if you're an Indian man, you can hold hands with another Indian man, because that's what they do. Everybody knows Indian men walk around

holding each other's hands when they're friends. Only when they're friends. So if you're a gay Indian man, you can walk around holding hands when a heterosexual married couple cannot. Man. That's interesting. It's weird. It's a weird place to live. Yeah. We all know Bert and Ernie's gay, though, right? That's a known thing. Everybody's aware of all know burt and ernie's gay though right

like that's a known thing everybody's aware of that that burt and ernie are gay hey burt can i be top tonight that's pretty good yeah that's they're they seem a little gay did you watch sesame they are gay i want to ask another question or two about the the middle east that you're over there like you've done burning man for years in the u.s over there was it like people were way more paranoid about getting caught with drugs or anything like that i was in israel i was in israel for the burning man over there a very different vibe than the united arab emirates in israel uh israel is like a little america like i'd never been there before and like everything I know about it I kind of learned from the news so all I knew is

that I'm not supposed to have an opinion about it in public right? But they are they're exactly like America in every possible way. They love their flag as much as we do. Like you can't you no matter where you look you open a toilet lid in Israel there will be a flag on it. I don't know if we do that. Speak for yourself, Woody. Okay. And they are preemptively mad at people who don't like them. Really?

Which I didn't realize was an American thing until this lady inrael i was talking to was very annoyed that i was going to the arab emirates because they don't recognize israel as a country she's like well they won't they don't like they don't if you get your passport stamped they won't let you in they don't like us they won't let us travel there so i said well do you ever have you ever wanted to go there like why do you why do you want to go there? She goes, I wouldn't be caught dead going there. Okay, so why are you mad? Why are you so angry about this? But I get it.

I totally get it. I would be pissed off, too. If they don't want me there, fuck them. Yeah. Like, I mean, you're in California, right? Like, if Montana out of nowhere made a rule where it's like, yeah, Californians, you're not allowed here anymore. Even if you never wanted to go to Montana, you'd be like, motherfuckers!

How do I get into Montana? What do I gotta do to sneak in? I have a friend who really wants to go to North Korea. That's like a thing. He's rooting for Trump and this peace stuff because there's great hiking in North Korea, apparently. And it's like, I just have to wonder if...

Because they don't have boats. Right, yeah. Well, he would love that. It'd be his cup of tea. But I feel like there's great hiking everywhere. All you need is a space between trees. I can't imagine North Korea is that amazing. Go to Colorado.

Go to the whole Pacific Northwest. Yosemite is outstanding. But there's the Swiss Alps. There's all kinds of great places to walk around well why would what about south korea is that too it's the uh outside so i don't know i i you could make an argument that north korea is not the same i mean when you see the satellite photos with the lights south korea is industrialized. I bet you feel like a giant when you walk around among North Koreans

because they're all like three inches shorter than South Koreans. Oh, yeah. They're teeny little people because they don't get any nutrition. My girlfriend's 5'10". She taught in Japan for a year and she said that mothers would pull their children away

sometimes as she approached because she's just so freakishly tall this is one of those that they call transgender get away i told the story before there's a documentary where the guy's girlfriend and if yance actually broke up with him and she said it was because he had a small penis so he made an hour and a half long documentary on does he actually have a small penis where is he on this and like what he can do to solve his small penis issues then he went to these experts and they measured him and it's great video because like you know he it's on netflix somewhere i forget the name of it is this like oh yeah no no no this is a real thing with it like it's not a mockumentary? Oh, yeah. No, no, no. This is a real thing. It's not a mockumentary.

It's a documentary where this guy goes through his penis journey. And at one point, he goes to a female urologist, and she measures him to see. And she's like, look, you are on the small side of normal. And he's like, oh. And one of the solutions was to go to South Korea, where he wouldn't be small anymore. In South Korea, he would be normal. And I can only imagine, extrapolating from that, that in North Korea, he'd be large. Oh, I bet they just...

Who would spend an hour and a half making a documentary about getting broken up with? Oh, it took months to make it. I took an hour and a half to watch it. He gets off on this. There's no way that he would do this otherwise. He gets off on the small penis humiliation. That's gotta be what this is about. That's a smart point. That's his kink.

That's his kink. He was like, here's an excuse. I'm gonna make $80,000 making this documentary, and I'm gonna be cumming continuously. Like, every time we're taking a break, I'm gonna be jerking out. That's his porn.

Every click of the edit mouse. He's got to make his parents look at it too. Like he's got all the screenings, live webcams on his family watching it while he's at home jacking off. I want to say that his parents are in it. I'm not positive, but I want to say they talk about his father. It's a great documentary. It's really the one you should be watching. It's on Netflix.

I hate when people use the word cringe, but you know that feeling you get where your stomach hurts in the pit of your stomach because it's so uncomfortable? Like when you watch something, like someone singing badly in public? I was about to say, yeah. That's exactly what I get. Something like this seems so uncomfortable. I don't know if I would be able to get through much.

First of all, two things I want to say. One, that never happens to me. I don't even relate to it. Someone can sing terribly. You don't ever feel embarrassed? No. You feel embarrassed. I'll try to translate it.

Have you ever been publicly humiliated and felt uncomfortable even standing there anymore? And almost like your chest feels tight, you're a bit short of breath, and you're like, I would feel so much better if I were away from this crowd of people who seem to be staring at me with judgment in their hearts. If I could just get in my car and drive away, I'd feel so much better. It's that feeling, but while watching someone else. So when I watch Slayer, when i watch be the slayer

when i watch you singing that that song terribly i get it when i watch 40 year old virgin and he's he's trying he's like they're all swapping like sex stories and they're like yeah tell us a sex story andy tell us about your freakiest sexual experience he's like oh yeah there was this girl and and she liked me to to give it to her and you know uh i did and they're like would you tell us about the titties she has some nice titties yeah and you know you you touch them and they feel like a like a bag of sand so it's a slow realization that he's a four-year-old virgin that like i get i have been embarrassed i have been in the situation i wish i wasn't in but when someone else is in that spot really i just i'm on their side i feel for him you know i'm not cringing i'm just i'm supportive

like imagine but the other thing i wanted to say i thought that was the same i thought that was part of it like you cringe for them because it's so embarrassing. Like, oh, God, I'm glad that's not me. No, are you naked? Here's my jacket. I don't know. I don't feel any kind of like stomach tinge or whatever. But I want to tell everyone this. The documentary is called Unhung Hero. So you can watch it yourself.

The way I'm picturing getting that feeling is like watching this guy go up to someone who's just out and about for the day and getting interviewed about his dick and it's like like that would be uncomfortable to watch some poor person get accosted thinking oh they're probably filming about the culture in our country so i'm gonna talk to you about my cock it's like unhung hero charts a humiliated man's fact-finding journey as he consults porn stars doctors and, and anthropologists to learn whether the size of one's manhood matters. Of course it matters. I've never wanted to see something more than this.

I'm going to have to watch this to discuss it, but this is ridiculous. Kyle, you hit the nail on the fucking head. This guy likes this. He's getting off to it. You're a million percent right, I'm convinced. Yeah, absolutely. You wouldn't do it like like did he make three other failed documentaries about butterfly collecting like stamp aficionados and and like like like the the oak trees of of northern

michigan i don't think so like like no i bet i bet he's got a long history of of like self degradation and humiliating acts. And this is just the coup de grace. This is what he loves to do. It's probably a fake penis. His penis is probably normal size. Although the idea of moving to a country where they have smaller penises is ingenious. And fucking hilarious, if you ask me.

That's the part i like that's that's that's my favorite part about the whole story is that he moved to like did you say south korea i think it was south korea i might have my facts wrong that makes sense i'm playing the trailer with no sound while we're talking and uh i just remembered they talked to a couple of his ex girlfriends and get their opinion on the size of his cock what did his ex-girlfriends and get their opinion on the size of his cock. What did the ex-girlfriends say? So he's handed out numbers here for a couple of episodes. Wait a minute. Who would not want that? Like, I would want to hire this documentary

just for my own personal information. You know, don't share this. If you share it, I'll kill you. If you get hacked, I will. No way could this ever get out to anybody. But I would like some kind of honest feedback. Like, enough time has to pass before they don't want to stick

it to me anymore. They need to be on a polygraph. Number one, they need to be on a polygraph. But I would like some feedback of something that I cannot fix and that I'm stuck with for the rest of my life. That sounds like a recipe. You're telling me this guy is so insecure about his dick that he's going to learn Korean?

Can you imagine how hard that would be? They don't even use letters. He went to a Korean spa with a bunch of naked men and started filming. What? Yeah. And they started beating him up. They're all covered, soapy faces and everything, and they're hitting him, and he's trying to play it off like it's not on.

This is quality entertainment. Oh, see, Chiz just linked something called UCLA Basketball Proposal, and I assume the last part has gone wrong or something. This is the perfect feeling in the pit of your stomach when you watch somebody proposing at a baseball game or some shit, and they get turned down. Wait, is this him? I think he's just trying to find an example

of uncomfortable. Stomach dropping. Oh no, it's him! Okay, let's queue up at zero. I guess it's worth watching. Oh my god. Well, this is why he made the documentary then. That's right. Three, two, one, play.

Yeah, I almost forgot. He gets turned down publicly. I hate these cams. Yeah. I like it when they... I guess it's all fake. Have you ever been on one? Yeah.

I've never been on one. Yeah. My friend got put on one with his sister once in a Cardinals game. Did they kiss? You just gotta commit. Oh, man. You just gotta commit Oh man, he's not getting blowjobs for the rest of his life Watch her face

She already looks worried. Aaaaaaah! Yes is the answer! Yes! Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Oh god! Ohhhhh! Yes! Oh, God! Oh! Oh!

I'm getting that feeling right now. Oh, my God. Even more humiliating. I love her. She's a little camera shy. Fast forward. Oh, man. Oh, he's trying to force that not even asking her friend like he had no no idea that she's gonna say no to that come on that's a little salvage that situation even a little bit is if you immediately stand up and turn to the woman next to you aside from her and do it again

that way it's like oh he's a prankster he's making people uncomfortable he's not a total loser who made a dick documentary and if i'm the next girl i'd be i'd say yes i wouldn't mean it but i'd say it you know yeah yeah yeah i feel like most women are gonna be nice enough that they wouldn't actually get up and walk away or say no they would say yes and then the parking lot get an uber yeah i. I don't know, though, but, like, which is, that's terrible, but it'd be really bad if you said yes, and then as soon as the Kiss Cam

lady left, she was like, you know, I didn't mean that. I was just sparing you the humiliation of the 300 people that have attended this sporting event seeing me turn you down. Like, it's a no. Right? Do you think that's worse? I would prefer what I that have attended this sporting event seeing me turn you down like Kyle is that right do you think that's worse I would prefer that what I just suggested

honest okay yeah because I mean we just watch that shit on YouTube how many I turned it off but let me say just shy of a million Jesus the name of the channel is proposal fail they made the channel just for this video. Oh, that's rough. That's fucking rough. That's a life-changing kind of moment. That's the kind of moment that movies are made about. So I guess it makes sense he made the documentary.

It's great that the reason she said no is his dick was too small. It's got to be more than that. If he was the perfect guy and everything, she'd put a sheath on that thing. Right? She'd be like, we'll put this mega cock over yours. You can wear a strap. She'd figure it out. Your boner is the bone in this situation.

We'll put a little... He's asking her to marry him and he doesn't know she's going to say no. I would say he's not in tune with her emotional needs just from that. You know what I'm saying? He couldn't even tell that. He's got no idea what's going on in this girl's heart. This guy's an emotional retard because I've never proposed to anyone, but I know how proposals work.

pose to anyone but i know how proposals work i know that like there's generally it's generally been discussed long before the actual proposal happens and the actual proposal that getting down on one knee and offering a ring is it isn't there there's no question in your heart whether she's going to say yes or no it's more about making it a special moment you know it's it's like that's he should have slipped her a roofie first i I think is what you're saying. If this was his plan to trick her into a marriage. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Just for fun, I'll talk about my own proposal.

I have proposed. We knew everything. We had a good idea on how many kids we wanted, whether she would work as an adult, whether we would leave the state or go to a sunnier climate. Like we had all these things sort of worked out. She used to ask me when I was going to marry her so many times, hundreds of thousands of times, that it was just kind of – it wasn't like a heavy – Annoying.

Yeah. But maybe for you, but for me, she was in touch with that. I just – it removed any doubt. It was a goof. It was fun. But it also knew that that door was open. Hey, let's do this. Did you do anything fancy or special for your proposal?

Not really. In hindsight, it's almost I was disappointing. Here's how it went. She almost said no. Don't set the bar too high, though. So she wouldn't live with me prior to marriage. That was like one of her things because she accurately knew that if she did, I would have drug my feet on the proposal. You know, the whole why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free thing. That would have fit my mindset at the time.

So she would come and visit me on weekends though and i'm really fond of her so when she left i didn't like that you know and i think i was sorry for interrupting 20 i think we got engaged at 22 and married at 23 okay that's prime that's prime uh prime sex hostage time for a man yeah you're right but it wasn't just sex. It was a lot. I really liked having her around. I still do. Good! Yeah, right?

Oh, yeah. I bet that would warm her heart if she heard that you still liked having her around. I'm quite the charmer. So, sometimes she'd go home on Sunday night because she had a job and i'd be like calling sick tomorrow call us just do it just do it come on one more day with you and uh she had

done it like two weeks earlier and i was doing the same thing like you don't like this job your job's not that important just ditch it spend it be here on monday and, I'm quite the charmer. So she said no. She's like, I can't not go to work. I just called in sick like two Mondays ago. They're on to me. I can't call in sick tomorrow. And I said, I'll tell you what. If you call in sick tomorrow,

we'll go to Jewelers Row and we'll buy an engagement ring. And she was like, I accept your terms. So that's what we did. We both took that Monday off. We went to the Jewelers Row. We looked at engagement rings together.

We picked one out. I went by a lake near where I grew up, got on one knee, and I proposed. That's how it went down. So not that romantic, almost spontaneous and unplanned, but that's how it went down. So not that romantic, almost spontaneous and unplanned, but that's how it went down. It's a romantic negotiation. If you just masturbated, it would have never happened. But it worked out.

It would be a lesson, kids. Always stroke one out before you make life-changing purchases and decisions. But that was 23 years ago. We're good. My point is actually. Yeah, right. But, yeah, I don't know. I just had this notion that life was better with her than without her,

so I locked it in. That's good. Yeah. I know Kyle said I'm never getting married. Dick, are you also on the never marriage train? I mean, I like to think I'm never getting married Dick are you also on the never marriage train I like to think I'm a pretty good negotiator and I'm definitely

older 37 I've seen all the tricks at this point I'm not taking off work on Monday oh that's fine I can keep myself busy on a Monday. There's Chatterbait now.

There wasn't Chatterbait back then. Yeah, there's Chatterbait now. You can be replaced by an Eastern European with loose morals. I don't know. I don't like to make predictions like that. Because every time i hear a guy like the harder i hear guys say they're not getting married the more i think it's bullshit it's like the lady doth protest too much you know i mean i think you're right i mean i was of the

opinion even like a few years ago i mean i'm only 27 i was like i'm never getting married never ever ever and then now even you know getting closer to 30 i'm like yeah it seems like a pretty it seems like it's the kind of deal where it is what you make it you know and of course all the people who get into shitty marriages and then get out of there preaching against it because it's like oh that bitch took all my money and this and that and she was terrible when we were together and the sex stopped and she got fat it's like well yeah but there are a lot of happy people out there too who you know kind of just spend their life together. So I would want that.

One thing that parents are fine. They've been married for 40 years. I think if kids were, if kids were on the table, then it's a guarantee. And if not, then I don't, I wouldn't see the point of it.

What about a mail order? The kids thing is interesting to me. Well, so like Taylor's 27, right? And what's changing is people are taking longer and longer to get married. Uh, or they'll date for a longer period of are taking longer and longer to get married uh or they'll date for a longer period of time and not find marriage to be uh like almost a mandatory

next step they're like yeah we can stay together but we don't have to get married um but what hasn't changed is when women can have babies right women get less hurdle around 30 and uh and then things get tricky around 32 i want to say that is 35 the the year they use for down syndrome being a much more uh likely problem it's i think it's like after 30 it starts increasing a little bit and then once you get to like 35 it's pretty big and like after 40 like more women are having babies after 40 now than ever before. But that requires more medical intervention. And so a lot of those women are probably on fertility. When I see people, there's a lot more twins than there used to be, it seems to me.

And I'm like, oh, yeah. Are you triplets and none of them are identical? Yeah, that's because the woman was making eight eggs at a time. And that's how she got pregnant. and that's how she got pregnant. So, like, one thing that could happen in Taylor's future is the road from, like, marriage to babies could be accelerated compared to mine. Yeah.

What do you mean, the road to babies could be accelerated? Because we got engaged at 22, and I think we had a baby at 26. Like, you know, there was no bio clock really ticking like there would be if you got married at 29. Yep. So if I married a girl who was only a couple years younger, I'd only have six years until she was also 30. Get a puppy, kids.

Get a puppy. That bitch will be dead in 13 years and you're free and clear. You know how much a puppy costs? Very, very little. Especially if you don't have to feed them. I think you do have to feed them. Who's going to make me? Who's going to make me?

No one. There's no puppy services. I feel like there is. Right? No. No. If I call and say, hey, my neighbor Kyle hasn't fed his dog in weeks and now he's eating my chickens I keep in my yard. Like, they'll send somebody out.

What are you, Wings of Redemption? You have chickens in your yard now? I'm just imagining I live next to where you were. No, the puppy will stay in a cage, all starved and malnourished. Malnourished? If you don't feed a puppy, it eventually becomes food. I think that's how it works. Mm-hmm.

Get a puppy. Get a puppy. That was God's plan. Whatever the ones that don't eat their food. It's great. I like the idea of these mail order brides that I'm looking at here because then after three or four years when she's got legal status

you can leave her and she's happy to leave and you just get a new one, right? She's happy to leave with half your shit. It's like instead of buying a car, you get a prenuptial agreement with your mail-order bride, of course. Do you have to put half your belongings in the trunk of that leased sedan and then send it back to the dealership? Like, you might not like it as much. No, it's like leasing a car instead of buying a car.

And for some people, that doesn't work for them. They want to keep a car for a long time. But with women, it makes a lot of sense because their depreciating value is extreme, much more so than a car. They depreciate like video games, all right? You want to leech yourself maybe a nice Korean girl, then a Ukrainian.

You know, you can mix and match. You don't want to be playing Gears of War 1 in 2025, do you? No, no. You want to play Gears 6? Because, I mean, you're a man or something. Kyle, you're a man. You're going to be worth more at 50 or 4. That's a huge game.

You're going to be worth more at 50, Kyle, than you are now. And as long as you don't get fat or disgusting, your value will increase. More chicks are going to be like, man, look at this sexy guy. Women tend to age more like you're like a fine whiskey, like that Grand Gala you sip. But women are more like a banana. There's that brief window when you can make banana bread out of them but then they just get disgusting then you have to chop them up and put them in the freezer and then have you guys seen the thing you need banana bread about depreciating women the the back and forth no is it like a

debate or a funny video or what the wall street guy yeah on craigslist yeah yeah it's a little longish but let me read it and see how it goes. A woman asks this. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City. I don't see that I'm overreaching at all. I'm looking for marriage only, all caps. I wouldn't be searching for guys if I wasn't able to match them in looks, culture, sophistication, keeping a nice home in Hearth. What am I doing wrong? And a businessman replies,

Your offer, from the perspective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the BS, you suggest a simple trade. You bring your looks to the party, and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub. Your looks will fade, and my money will likely continue into perpetuity.

In fact, it's very likely that my income increases, but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful. So in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, but your depreciation accelerates. Let me explain. You're 25 now and you'll likely stay hot for the next five years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35, stick a fork in you. So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold, hence the rub, marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to buy you, which is what you're asking,

so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you. So when your beauty fades, I need an out. It's as simple as that. So the deal I say makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So I wonder why a girl as articulate, classy, and spectacularly beautiful as you has been unable to find a sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that you're as gorgeous as you say and that the $500,000K hasn't

found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, we could always find a way to make money and then we wouldn't have this difficult conversation. With that all said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic pump and dump. That's how psychopaths flirt. That was what we just watched

the mating ritual of two psychopaths. Hopefully they will find each other and not bother anyone else that's what you want i i don't know it was eye-opening for me you know this depreciating asset the classic trade how you wouldn't do that and and she's going for a pump and dump uh yeah i don't know it was pretty great well it's true like but hopefully you'd be enough in love with the person that you wouldn't mind their looks fading a little bit. As long as they don't go bananas with it and get super fat or let their teeth rot. Yeah.

Stop cooking every night. What he didn't accept or seem to value is that women have value outside of just their looks, right? There's a companionship, a partnership, a trust that goes there that gets more valued every year. There's that. But Kyle every year. There's that. But Kyle doesn't seem to value that. Like I said, she's got nowhere to go. Is she going back to the Ukraine?

I don't think so. Yeah, you can find a nice pretty Ukrainian girl who's not going to have a... You need to make half a million. She's going to be like, I would prefer if you have a house or a home of somewhere to meet for stay. the box is getting waterlogged how many potatoes do you own i got a five pound bag right here how many kilos is this you're gonna fit in well mariska my, he shop at store. He do not grow his own food. He never steal potato. Yeah, I really do like the idea of the mail order bride.

I think that would be fucking hilarious. You should do it. That's one thing that I really regret. If I have a bucket list, it's having a fake marriage for the purpose of a green card. That is right at the top of the list. I was sure I would get involved into some kind of hijinks like that when I was a kid. Why not? Why not?

What do you get to lose? You can send them back in 90 days if you don't like it. Do you feel like your mail order days have passed you by, Dick? I don't think so. I think you're in your mail order prime. I think I got too much to lose now. I don't know. That's a young man's. A prenup for your free order pride oh prenup in california all right i'll just

oh i don't know anything about that uh well california hates men and america if that's whenever it comes to anything politically related you want to know where california stands first hate men and hate america there you go hmm well that's going to be a related, you want to know where California stands. First, hate men and hate America. There you go. Well, that's going to be a problem for you. You're going to want to identify as a woman, and then you're going to be all clear. Preferably a black woman.

That's thinking in the box. Why don't you just bounce to Utah? Go start up a show in Salt Lake City. See how many male or female brides I can bring in in Utah. Go start up a show in Salt Lake City. I'll see how many mail order rides I can bring in in Utah. Oh, there's going to be no limit. You just Amazon Prime those bitches. Show up every two

days. Return the ones you want. And then I tell them it was a shipping error. I don't know. It said don't press the button again if you already pressed it. I pressed it. I couldn't help myself. So we've got a clip here. Apparently Arab Andy. We couldn't help myself. So we've got a clip here. Apparently, Arab Andy, we all know Arab Andy, well, he's using text-to-speech on his mobile device,

and someone sent him an interesting clip while he was in public. And as the name might suggest, Arab Andy is Arab. And he's in Portland here in this little link right here. I've got it queued at zero. Where is he? Is he in a store? Yeah, he's in like a, it looks like a bookstore or something. It's really hard to tell, honestly.

But he's surrounded by a crowd of people. And his text-to-speech goes off, and something very interesting happens. All right, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. I've successfully started. very interesting happens. Alright, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. Look at him run! Oh no, he's still running! He's still running!

I can't believe that happened. They're all doing old white people run to you. like when you're when you're like hustling across We gotta go guys I want to start it over again. Wow, he's he's really Arab again wow he's he's really arab is that he looks like a caricature of an arab man for those who don't have video right now he looks like arab ice it looks like i think i'd be running a little faster if i've seen that not playing good oh i can't wait for it to start over i want want to hear it better. Well, this is hilarious. Like,

do they, if they believed it enough to sprint away, or to jog slowly, carefully away, you'd think they'd be like at a dead sprint if they really believed it, right? I'm pushing women, children down

if I genuinely think the guy behind me is going to blow up. Yeah. I keep watching it. There's like three girls who buy it, and then when they buy it, the crowd buys it. It's one of those times where you got away like being embarrassed that you thought you were going to die with dying.

Yeah. And that your mind will actually do that math for you. If you turn around and you see that's the gentleman, and you're right, Woody, he looks a lot like Ice. That's the guy with the backpack sounding alarms. Do you jog it up? Like, maybe not a full sprint because you don't want to look racist. What if you tackle him?

What if you're like, time for me to be an American hero! And you just pulled out your pistol and gunned him down right there and then you realize it's text to speech. And you got pranked, bro. Man, what a prank. This is one of those 15 to 30 pranks.

That's a first-class prank, though. Like, whoever played that off created a magic moment on stream. Well, they weren't playing it off. Someone pulled it off. A viewer made that happen. Yeah, unfortunately for this guy. So in this next clip, you'll see what happened when the police inevitably caught up with him a few minutes later. I didn't know that was going to happen.

I thought that... Oh, my God. A few moments later. I'm at 53 minutes at this. Yeah. I need a little minute to format it. This is a pretty funny prank. Again, for those of you who can't see, he looks like one of the 9-11 hijackers.

Ready, set, play. Oh, great. Music. I'm happy about that. Wait, what's going on? Oh, yeah, I'm recording, bro. What are you doing, bro? Put the gun down. Put the gun down. What are you doing, bro? Oh, no. Oh, no. Why isn't he complying better? What did I do? I didn't do nothing bro. I was TCS, I was a donation. On the ground now. Why isn't he complying better?

Oh my god. That's good. That's good. Woody, have you ever been arrested at gunpoint? Uhhh, they didn't have guns. I thought that too, but man is it hard to follow instructions when you get three cops with guns screaming at you and they're all screaming different things tell me more in a moment I want to get to that story

You're going to Guantanamo Guantanamo Stop bro I like the bro argument Officer bro, please! Like, any moment now, the cop is going to go, well, since we're brothers, I guess I'll let this slide. Alright, get out of here. Yes.

Scamp. My dad used to call me bro. You touched my cold cop heart he's saying is helping him I wish someone would send another one oh that would be hilarious I wish what someone would send one right now that was that was like self-destruct parameters Even don't tease me bro would work for me. Oh Another ones incoming. Oh, let's listen up The cop put it in profile mode. That's terrorism. Did we take a break here?

I don't think so. Okay. I'm trying to scroll ahead and see. Looks like it's another minute and a half till the next donation thing poor Aaron by the way the name of this YouTube channel is Isis Poseidon Isis Poseidon it took me a second to get that the primary

guy's name is Ice, I-C-E Poseidon, so Ice is Poseidon is a play on that. Let's go to 58 minutes. 24 seconds. 15 seconds. 24 seconds. So we would get the background of it just in case something happened. So I'm at

58-15. Same. Yep, same. Ready, set, play. Oh no No more music Stop it ah Fuck this. I'm hoping if I talk over all the music. It won't get picked up by a bot Drop kick bomb started

Doesn't even seem like they heard it. That's a shame. Well, that's enough of that. That's very entertaining. Well, if this video gets privated, we'll all know why. It was those fucking ten seconds. It was four seconds of audio. Well, man, it must be hard being an Arabic streamer.

What a niche group of individuals yeah uh that's that would be a great a channel name like a muslim extremer oh i see what you did there yeah and nobody would rip on them because they're also muslim as far as like youtube and shit like they'd let them do it would rip on them because they're also muslim as far as like youtube and shit like they'd let them do it you said you got arrested with three guns pointed at you once oh yeah um yeah like every time i see i mean it was the last time in vegas that guy who was who's like just hanging out in his room drinking and then he got arrested um he wasn't doing anything he got arrested and he's in the hallway trying to pull up his shorts when the cops unloaded on him. Do you guys remember that? Yes.

Yeah. I remember that happened. Everybody was laying in. Well, a couple of people, I guess. I don't know how many were criticizing the guy for not conforming properly to what the cops were telling him to do. But it is very difficult because for one specific reason I was in high school and it the cops were called because I had a fake I had a couple fake guns in my car for a like a rally at school you know a

pep rally? This is the lamest ever reason. The lamest reason to be pulled over by the cops. Do your rallies at school had guns? Well, we were doing little skits. Little stupid skits where our

rivals, the cowboys, were coming out and walking in talking trash to our football team, telling us that we don't play as good a football as them. You're right, this is pretty lame. Yeah, very lame. Very lame. Anyway, I had all this crap in my truck. Somebody saw it, called the cops,

and as I'm pulling out of an equipment like a rent an equipment rental place in the middle of the day i check my left i check to turn left i see a cop with a gun pointed straight at my head and i learn lean over and check to the right and i see a bunch of cops screaming to stop and i think okay that that was definitely a cop with a gun pointed at you that you saw on the left. Why don't you give that another check? Turn over. And it's like, I'm a kid. I'm 16 or 17. And this guy is

screaming. Screaming at me to put my hands on my head, stop, get out of the car. It's just this cacophony of various versions of stop, get out of the car put put uh take your hands off the wheel put your hands where we can see them put your hands where they can see them

uh and i'm sitting there realizing okay i'm nervous i'm nervous i'm looking at this guy i'm i'm nervous because i don't know at this point i don't know what the hell the problem is i think like maybe there's a terrorist or a spy loose in America who looks like me with like a mustache. And this is like a case of mistaken identity. But I had the very real, I had the very specific realization that this guy is way more afraid than I am, way more nervous than I am. And if I don't, if I do a thing that he has already in his mind that is wrong, I'm probably going to get shot. So as much as I know how to put my own car in park and turn it off, I'm sure he doesn't. I'm sure that me turning my car off will look probably very much like whatever bad thing

he thinks I'm going to do is. So I'm looking at him kind of through a plate of glass. That is my car window. I didn't have, I had my, all the windows were rolled up in my truck and I'm mouthing to him and kind of pleading with my eyes, uh, dude,

I, I just, I need to put the car in park. Like I can't follow. I know that you have a very specific set of orders and things you want me to do But if I do them my car is gonna roll into the street I gotta put it in point by that time. I've got him who's a couple inches away from the driver's side I've got another cop over this is in Valencia, California, too

So it's like Pleasantville like nothing at nothing ever happens up there, but a bunch of bored cops Like nothing, nothing ever happens up there, but a bunch of bored cops who think they're who think they're living in the Wild West. I've got him right here. Another one. Another one in front of me. There's this swarm swarm time like they like to do. So I do. The other ones are screaming different instructions. Put it in park. I get the car out. I get out of my car. They put me in handcuffs.

You know, you need to brace for the extremely excessive tackle that you're about to receive, which is fine. For all they know, I'm Jackie Chan. I'm going to start doing flip judo moves. And then they spent, like, the next hour, because I guess they were embarrassed by what they did They spent the next hour going through all of my stuff and making fun of my high school books like oh look at this book guys It's called sons and lovers by like James Joyce. I wonder what's what's that about? I'm like motherfucker. I don't want to read that that about? I'm like, motherfucker, I don't want to read that. That's not, you're not going through my diary. The

fucking government, you guys told me that I had to read that for some reason. The fuck, if you're the gay ones, not me, you fucking pricks. They found like a bottle, they found a little bottle of Tylenol where the label had worn away, like, what's this? I don't know is it related

to the fake gun call that you got and all got your testosterone pumping through your system you fucking bullies i had cops with too much testosterone gave me heart we were driving home from roller skating right i'm a freshman in high school very cool thing by the way and uh we were we had a good time. We had a blast roller skating, and we were driving home in a truck. It just had a front seat, and we were three wide in it, and we were dancing. So I'm not driving. The guy was going a little too fast.

Not a lot too fast. Call it like 58 in a 50 or something, reasonable. But the cop sees us us and he turns his lights on or no he turns around so my friend makes a right hand turn before the lights are on in hopes that the cop will like lose track of him or something like that that doesn't happen so the cop catches us on the side road uh he turns his lights on and my friend immediately pulls over. So it turns out my friend had like another speeding ticket. And since he's a young driver in New Jersey, if you get two speeding tickets, you can lose your license. And they're much stricter with probationary

licenses. Anyway, the cops start treating us like we had done something super bad they're very upset keep your hands like in the air the whole time and and i guess they're on edge because my friend you know tried to pull a fast one a little bit and uh and that's why it's just because he tried to escape i didn't know any of this i'm naive and i'm young and i literally thought they that this was all about dancing in the car. I thought that was our offense. Like footloose? We were just like, I don't know. There was some clapping involved. I don't know why

they're upset with us. They're like frisking us and they made me take my winter coat off and it's cold out and they're checking all the pockets. get your ass out here kevin bacon i literally i thought dancing was our offense and and they find this uh like little plastic container in my coat and they're like what goes in here huh and i'm embarrassed

by it so i'm instantly like oh no like he's got the plastic container fuck and they they're reading me on this and uh um and i'm like i don't want to tell them at first and they're like they get it out of me that what it actually is is it's for like a orthodontic appliance like i was gonna get braces soon but i i'm kind of embarrassed that i need braces i I don't know what I'm thinking. And if you smell it, it smells like bad breath. Like that was an unavoidable side effect of a thing that holds orthodontics. I'm like shit in here. Yeah. So that's how the conversation went.

Almost. They're like, you know, what goes in here? And I'm like, I don't want to talk about it. And they beat it out of me. And I'm like, it's for an orthodontic and and they're like you know they don't believe me and i don't even know that they think it's for drugs like that's not even on my head i don't do drugs or whatever and i'm eventually like if you smell it it smells like bad breath you know like that was my evidence and the guy did sure, and this is horrifying for me.

And they're checking. This is that purple ginger mic. We're going to need emergency services. This boy's got a serious case of shit mouth. No, no, I'm just fucking with you. They're checking all my coat pockets. And eventually they're like, what happens if I find something other than your keys in these pockets? Bad breath.

I was like, if you find anything in there then you can keep the jacket. Because I don't know what he's negotiating for but I'm so confident that the pockets are in. You said that? Yeah. Hey Tony, this guy says I can have his jacket.

No. If he finds something in the pockets. You say? Yeah, you were probably like 16 at the time? 14, 13, you know, early in my freshman year. Oh, my God. No wonder you were scared So that's about where it wrapped up

He checked my coat And somehow after he had finished checking every pocket And we had gone through the whole orthodontic appliance conversation They got a more accurate read on who I was And let us go It's good getting braces Yeah He's not causing any trouble.

Well, we can't charge you for not getting laid. Which I would have been so guilty of. But, yeah. A friend of mine got arrested. You're making a cop smell your stinking orthodontics. Made me think of this. Well, he gets arrested a lot.

So he knew what he was doing. Cops asked him if he had a weapon. And he said he had a knife in his underwear or by his groin. So the cop frisks him and gets a big old handful of ding-dong And then looks up at him and he says I don't feel a knife and he goes yeah, but you did just touch my dick My god, man you are like I spy you're already you're already getting arrested So what's they can't do anything more like yeah, I mean mean i guess that's true oh i think that's pulling one over on him i'm not a complete loser in this i already got a small hand job the man it's grabbing my dick a little bit like wow man it's gonna get you a lot

of cred on the inside i tricked a cop into licking my asshole. Whoa. He's the king of the prison, man. All right. Since you mentioned that, I've got a perfect clip that goes along with that, with the cop grabbing his dick. And then I got to do an ad. I know this one. Yeah. Of course.

It's perfect. Yeah, right? His pants are so low, they're like below where his dick is. Yeah. I'm at zero. Let's start at three. i'm at three i'm at three ready set play cops frisking an african-american gentleman his pants are very low. That's my penis.

That's your penis. It's enormous, by the way, for those of you who don't have video. He's just like, what is this? The audio is so low, I couldn't hear it very well. Was it quiet for you guys? Yeah, it was a little quiet. Ad read time? It is,

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that's f-o-r-h-i-m-s dot com slash pka 4hims.com slash pka I am sponsored by 4hims and I have a lovely coat of hair. Coat of hair. Maybe that's not what I'm going for. I use it all over. Does you get more proud of that hair

every year Woody like when you go around guys your age you like shove it right in their face like talk to them like that so here's my take on it I am happy with my hair and I think that in general I look pretty good for 45 but there's always a tell

every time you hear like oh, she's beautiful for 50, it's like, yeah, except for that transparent skin on the back of her hands, I can tell right there. I have my own tells. I have my own crow's feet and this and that. I saw myself in someone else's video recently where I wasn't like – I didn't have good posture and stuff. I'm like, holy fuck, you're thick around the middle. Yeah, work harder on that diet, you fat fucking asshole. Yeah, so there's room for improvement. That's what I see.

Other people's cameras, they do fuck you every time. Man, I got my tits framed perfectly in my camera. Yeah, but meanwhile, some guy's getting like a promo. Like, holy shit. You fill out that shirt. You fat fucking whale. Oh, it's so sad. Like you see yourself in someone else's video or picture and your first thought is like,

who's that fat? Oh no. Yeah. Oh, that's me. Is that what I look like walking around? Yeah. Oh, my feet that big in real life. I look like I'm walking on a clown shoe.

What I think I look like i'm walking on a clown what i think i look like is my best me right you know get camera straight i don't even have big nose straight on here up everything is wonderful when i see that side profile of me with bad posture that's how people see me i'm i'm not the man i thought I was Have you ever seen a picture of yourself That someone took while you were chewing and eating I don't think so It's a sad reality To be like this is what people are seeing When they eat dinner with me

That's like your mid Chew face It's terrible Yeah so hair good Plenty of work to do You've got the man bun now, don't you? I think you do. Oh, yeah.

You know, I got no shame about it. I committed to it a couple years ago. Your camera's cutting it off. Can you show us better? What's that? The camera cuts off the man bun. Oh, yeah. Oh, there we are.

Thank you. How long is your hair if you take it out? I think it goes down to about my nipples. I could do a pretty good Venus de Milo or whatever that picture is in the clam with the lady in the nipple cup. I could be Instagram safe if I took my top off and got my hair a little bit wet.

Instagram needs to allow titties. What's their fucking hang-up? What a bunch of pussies. I heard some guys talking about this the other day. I don't know what radio show or podcast I was listening to, but they were pointing out the fact that that video of that woman shitting in the floor at Tim Hortons and then hurling the feces at the man all over Instagram.

But as soon as you have a nip slip, they're banning accounts. On Instagram, you can't show nipples? Correctamundo. I actually didn't know that. Well, then a lot of people are skirting the line. Twitter is where you go. As much as everybody complains about the Islamic control, the UAE. I was just in Dubai, and they got all these.

It was Ramadan, so you couldn't drink water. You couldn't eat on the street. You couldn't even swallow your own spit. You had to keep in a little approved jar. That's a joke. That's not true. But they're very strict about what you can do and everybody's complaining about like oh how did you how did you ever live like

that i'm like well you know we got a lot of stuff back home that is like weirdly religious too like not being able to show nipples on television or the or instagram like give me a break guys we're man i saw some like, Nordic news article, and it was the same image they used of a woman who had, like, shown her tits. And in the Swedish version

of the article, it had the face of the woman blurred out and her tits still visible. In the United States article, it had the tits blurred out and the face still visible. So I was like,

oh, that's an interesting little peek at a different... I wish we could do that in real life, like on our eyes. I bet Pokemon Go is only a few steps away. Maybe some contact lenses. In my personal universe, there are these like,

we'll call them redneck Americans. Is that like a PC term? I don't know. But they haven't traveled anywhere, but they think this is the land of the free, right? They always talk about America and our freedom, etc. Travel somewhere. Go to South America and you'll find out what freedom is like.

There are rules for everything here. If you see a mountain, are you allowed to climb that in America? There's probably a rule that designates which cliff sides you're allowed to go on and which you're not. You go to Dominican Republic, fucking stalactites. You're allowed allowed to climb them they don't give a fuck like everything is open the police here control so much and and climb on those it kills them they don't give a it's there for tourists that's the purpose nature has worked for 12 million years to build a stalactite big enough for Woody to climb, and goddammit, he did. I was watching this video of Chinese tourists who were walking around some cave here in the U.S., and it showed, like, you see all the Americans, you know, walking by,

looking at the stalactites and the stalagmites. Ooh, interesting. Wow, that one took 100 million years to drip down into existence. And then, like, the Chinese family, there's just, like, kids, and, like, even the mom, they're just, like, that one took a hundred million years to drip down into existence. And then, like, the Chinese family, there's just, like, kids, and, like, even the mom, they're just, like, kicking these things over. They're just walking through the cave, kicking this shit over, and it's like, what,

where do you come from that that's okay? And then you realize they come from China, and if you've ever seen footage of a Chinese bus, apparently everyone spits all the time. They all spit non-stop they'll just yeah they spit they go like and then spit it's disgusting dude the chinese oh what is it called chis might know they have that new social engineering program they have that monitors your online and real life world it gamifies being a good citizen yes yeah it's yeah apparently it's having a real

impact that people who aren't good citizens are already having real life like like their credit score goes down and shit because they spit on a bus and and then on the positive side their social credit system is what it's called. And on the positive side, people who exhibit good behavior are getting advantages in places like job hunts and credit and scores. Only full credit away from being able to have second child. God, I just railed against American police and how authoritarian – I can't say the word right now. Authoritarian? Just like a redneck would say. Yeah, now authoritarian the u.s can be i've been in north carolina too long but uh then on the other hand i'm i'm promoting china's social credit system because i want people not to be assholes i don't know i'm a hypocrite

is that what it's is that what it's doingping them from being assholes over there? Yeah, let's look at the kinds of things they have. I'm trying to scan this. It's a collection of blacklists. There are more than a dozen. And let's see. Is there just a bullet point list somewhere in here of what they're rating? Chiz, can you find out if it's possible? Like this one says for someone who doesn't pay money back.

You know, that kind of makes sense. That's already just a credit score. Yeah. There has to be a list of, like, specific things. Yeah. What should be on there? If you were running your own country and you were running a social credit system, what activities or behaviors would you dock people for?

I've got one that i want to pitch i don't know it's going to go far in this crowd but let's say you date a woman from like 20 to 28 and then drop her should that not have some cost i think in russia with some countries it does maybe it's china it's china's China. It is China. It is considered a negative thing to date a woman's best years and then drop her off.

You know, women get their heads full of some extreme gobbledygook in this society. They should be getting told collectively that you have got to you have got to make a decision on the kids immediately you've got the whole rest of your life to waste as a cog in a machine but all this this career shit like the reason it's called work is because

nobody likes it men don't like it your parents don't like it nobody in the goddamn world likes their work calling it a career doesn't make it not work. Figure out really seriously think at a young age if you want kids and then very seriously think about locking that man in.

Whatever it takes. Have a threesome with your best friend and make sure you get a ring out of it. But you need to get that taken care of by the time you're 28. This is advice I'll be giving my daughter after the show. I think you're right. Because you're a different person after 28. I think that the premise of dating a woman from 20 to 28 and then dumping her,

the premise that that is a bad thing is inherently sexist and prejudiced toward women. It's suggesting that all the woman has to offer is her good looks and youthfulness. But it's also... But a lot of what they have to offer is that. Sexist!

Well, yeah. He literally wrote the book on it. I don't think it is discrimination in that way. It's more like a PSA. Like, of course men don't need that lesson because they, like, we can have kids in our 50s and 60s if we wanted to. Like, you probably wouldn't want to. You'd be that old dad.

But, like, instead of, you know, girls being told, yeah, go do your career for 15 years. And then maybe if you feel like it, you can have a kid at 39. It's like maybe a little more of a dose of reality where it's like hey you can do that if you want it's free country but a lot of a lot more risks associated with it your prime fertile years are between you know 20 whatever and 30 and so really try and hammer at home then like that's when the baby's gonna be the healthiest that's when you'll have the energy to hang out with your kid i think the move is like if i'm a lady like like like i, I think my move is to freeze some eggs in my early 20s, right?

Because those old egg babies are fucked. Are fucked. Even if they don't have some developmental disorder that we have a name for, those are some weird fucking kids. We've got a whole generation coming up of weaponized autists

born from 46 year old women you know in test to need them yeah yeah the dick show's gonna need them to do their their autismo stuff i think with what you're saying woody like it's it's uh yeah it is it's fucked and i don't think i don't think women are prepared for it like they, they've got to have the power. It's like telling somebody who's got a shot at professional sports, well, just go to college. No, you fucking idiot!

Go make a shitload of money! Take the money, dopey! You idiot! I feel like they're getting women, and I think that's why they're all on Antidepressants like so many women are on antidepressants because they are just totally lost without like Everybody is better when they're doing something that they feel is valuable, right? Like men feel when they're working on video content projects businesses when they're working on video, content, projects, businesses. When they're building something, they feel better about themselves.

And I think that for women, it is the same but with children. Like, that nurturing atmosphere, that home makes them sane. Just like building something, empire, whatever, makes men sane and they don't and they get sold a bunch of bullshit so that they go to college and then go sell pharmaceuticals until nobody wants to touch them anymore and they spend their 30s drinking and posting on social media about how fun fucking drinking is it's not drinking it's not fun i do it every day it's not don't make it. I know you're full of shit. It's not fun. Friends are not that fun. Fuck friends.

The liquor is not that fun. Like, you missed your chance. At least tell the women after you not to do the same thing. Yeah, but it's sour grapes. They don't want to give the women after them that advice because then, you know, misery loves company. And you know what? Your paradigm there of what's happening, you know what you get at the climax? You get people like Chelsea Handler who are, like are like 50 years old they don't have kids but they have

that maternal instinct telling them to tell a child don't touch that don't do that go over there don't look at that that's bad and so they go on twitter and they tell the rest of us adults what we're allowed to do and it's like no don't don't uh moralize to me like I'm a child who needs your guidance. You're just misplacing that maternal instinct of wanting to protect and shield from outside influence. No, you can't do that. You're clearly not happy.

I'm enjoying this show so far. I'm getting a big kick out of it. You gotta drop that dick lesson on hope. I don't like the way you phrase that don't do the first thing he um because i could make the counter argument too which is like hey why don't you have some value in this situation right instead of just finding a guy where you can be his support system which is is a fine, viable thing. That's the way my wife and I worked it. You could be your own tentpole

holding up this structure. And, you know, how do you guide him through? What do you do? Yeah, there's a lot of formulas that work. It just seems like a formula that doesn't is waiting until you're 40, not having kids, and then

coming off as very, you know, kind of sad. It is a sad thing. Or waiting until you're 40, not having kids, and then coming off as very, you know, kind of sad. It is a sad thing, in a way. Or waiting until you're 40, realizing you wish you had kids. Really good examples of women who waited too long, and then their lives were just a disaster, and then they, like, slit their wrists in a bathtub. I'll let you storm that beach. Find, like, fuck, pussy.

Find, like, five of those, and, you know, maybe make a little diagram diagram for for young women powerpoint presentation that's how you that's how you get home to children yeah throw a little powerpoint together do people still use powerpoint or has google taken over oh no powerpoint is people yeah powerpoint's king okay because everybody who's you know over 40 knows how to use powerpoint yeah powerpoint was the thing back when I worked remember the overhead projector days yeah

and then when your retarded teachers couldn't figure out they'd try and write while looking up there and they're writing shit backwards that was like us as kids version of people who take their phone when they're getting driving directions and they have to rotate the phone to like point it the way they're going like you so you i sit

there and judge the fuck out of you stupid mother how could you do that in front of me i judge i judge the phone here's what i don't like uh like an asshole, in the first, like, hundred yards of the drive, I'll put in the address, and the phone doesn't know which way I'm going, so it tells me to make a right, and then I realize it wanted me to make a left because now it knows which way I'm going, and I have to make a left. Phone is an asshole. You've got a compass built into you. Why did it take you so long?

Why did I have to move for you to know which way I was going? You have a compass in you it's funny how mad you get like like how quickly rather you get angry at shit like that now where it's like i entered this information six seconds ago and it still has not arrived and perfectly told me where to go yeah well we got to stay on top of these companies for stuff like that or else they start thinking they need to shape society like it's every time i see a company like well you know what we need is more diversity i'm like okay we got to find 20 things wrong with their system right away and we've got to scream them as loud as possible how important they got idle hands is google google is the internet right google's the the internet's index i guess if google disappeared we'd all just flip

over to bing and it would be okay jeeves motherfucker disappeared we would all be using bing right away and it would be the same shit i think yeah yeah like bing has ripped off so much google and like the results are a little different but especially in the porn world thank you wings of redemption yeah they're much better yeah yeah but I mean, Tube Galore is where you really want to go. That's fine if you don't mind some creepy Ukrainian virus on your computer. Back up. Tube Galore, you say? Yeah.

It's... I'm spacing out. It's an aggregate of many porn sites. Tube Galore? Yeah. Well, let's take a look oh my god i've been i've been surfing the web like a noob i know i'm spending the rest of my night yeah pornhub has neither acrobatic or indian big ass as subcategories oh indian big ass if you can find a subsection of that that involves face sitting, I'm on board.

Yeah. Long hair. I mean, like, some other lame site might have mature, but they don't have mature, mature and young, mature and mature, mature anal sex, mature BBW, ebony, handjob, mature in gangbang, in solo, mature lesbian. There is. Mature gangbang. That is a bunch of sad videos right there. M a gangbang videos right do you ever like like on this site there's a huge list of pizza as a category go on i'm sorry no there's a huge fan of of topics that you can pick from and do you ever like like if you read through some of these it's like we've gone too far

with some of this armpits whoits? Who wants an armpit? Not just mom. Arab mom. And not just Arab mom. They have a separate Arab hot mom. Maybe you're not into hot Arab moms. Maybe you want a homely mom. So you go to Arab mom.

Let me see what else we got here. I don't even know what that word means. Burette. 3D. and this looks like an orc fucking some sort of elf character in Lord of the Rings. You know it's an elf.

No, it looks like that. It's not an elf. It's not Lord of the Rings porn. It's like a World of Warcraft, maybe? I never really played that game. Bulgarian? Mormon? Alright, I'm going to Mormon. I didn't know seduce porn was a category,

but it has my attention. Oh, I love the lactating porn. Hmm, that's not for me. Oh, yeah! But seduce porn might be. We'll have to check back on this after the show read it You can This is great, she's just milking her I

Saw one the other day where the chick has like this. Oh, she's just funeral just... Funeral? That's great. That's enough of this. I'm out. That's great. I saw one the other day where, like, this chick is, um... She's, like,

dressed as a cow. And by dressed as a cow, I mean, like, she's got, like, black and white spots and, like, a full, like, cow mask on.

And, uh, she's, like, bent over and uh she's like bent over and and like restrained like heavily restrained like she can't get away and they put one of those industrial milkers on her tits and and it's it's milking her with such ferocity it's like yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin yin and like the the pneumatic milking action is making it like bounce her tits and she's like very uncomfortable you can she's like ah ah and like there's a vessel there's a vessel at the bottom that's slowly filling with milk and it's just in someone's backyard just in someone's backyard can you imagine out there like weed eating the hedge and like looking over and seeing that freak show next door?

Hey Marcy, are you okay? No! How much milk did they get? Ah, you know. Enough to make a nice bowl of cereal. Lucky charms.

Would you eat a cereal with made with breast milk yeah i didn't have to finish that yeah yes i prefer to make ice cream with it i think that's the honest honestly like i i like cooking right i like taking things like i like difficult cooking like things that take hours to to make and there's many many steps involved i'd love to make ice cream out of some milk like take it two steps further. Don't just drink it warm. No, no, no. Make some strawberry ice cream out of that titty milk.

Titty milk is a little sweeter than regular milk. It seems ideal for ice cream. That'd be some premium ice cream. There you go. How many countries would we have to conquer and women enslave before we could have, like, a Ben and Jerry's size business of human tip milk? We just got to set up a fake milk donation thing. Those women who lactate too much and donate their milk to women who can't do it,

we set up a fake one, and we take a little off the top. We give it out, but then we divert some of it to our eyes. That's a brilliant plan. See, I was prioritizing hot women. I was going to take over some Nordic country. Woody, they're all hot. You know, we take pictures that have nothing to do with hot women. It's on the menu like a Chinese menu.

We get a bunch of models up there. Yeah, that's where it comes from. I'm talking to a genius here. i want to subscribe to your newsletter right now it could be like what was that uh audiobook you were promoting for a while milked on my uncle's farm oh yeah we had audible as a sponsor so they said well, pick books that you'd like to make the sponsorship more genuine. So I went on there and went immediately to Erotica and found Milked at Her Uncle's Farm, Volume 1 through 3. And I would read part of it for every time we had to do the ad. I'd read part of Milked at Her Uncle's Farm.

But the weird part was, the lactation stuff was what you'd expect but that uh amazon put ads for their kindle fire in the erotica like when they're describing the woman who would get captured and milked in the next couple chapters going down driving down to mexico for her spring break they said she had her purse with her which held her kindle fire hd i love that it was the hd my breasts were swelling thank god i could distract myself with my kindle fire hd on the way to mexico was coming faster than amazon prime yeah that that was an interesting you know that was funny when you would read passages yeah i enjoyed that did you there's one of those books where it was like yeah i will never purchase this or look further i'll just wait till the next time you read did you guys see that woman in uh

near my hometown wildwood new jersey i'm from City, but it was a few towns over. Get beat up by a cop. No. What did she do? So the way it went down is this. I saw the footage before she got beat up, and the cop was accusing her of drinking. Now, I believe that she wasn't drinking. The breathalyzer that she was taking kept coming up as negative,

and the cop kept asking her to take it again and after like the third time she's like i know that thing's negative i haven't had a drop and she's kind of snarky and with attitude but innocent so maybe mildly justified and then from there that's where the body cam footage that I saw ended, and it flipped over to another tourist filming with the cell phone. And the cop has her on the ground, face down, knee in her back, and maybe she's not resisting right or doesn't know how to obey

because the cop is punching her in the back of the head repeatedly. I want to see her get walloped. Can you help us with the wallop footage? It's Wildwood, New Jersey, and it's real recent. It's like in the last week. He linked it. It's just it's a nine-minute video,

and so I'm trying to figure out exactly where it starts to get going. That might be the cop's body cam then. This is the body cam. Oh, is that not the footage you wanted? There's just the walloping footage that you're looking for and it's somebody else's. It's like another tourist filming it. I'm hunting for it. Wildwood cop Punches Girl.

This looks promising. This is beautiful. It's 56 seconds. I'm linking it. And now I'm formatting it. Did you say Wildwood? This is a pretty nice area. No, I wouldn't say that. I would say Wildwood? This is a pretty nice area. No, I wouldn't say that. I would say Wildwood attracts a low-income tourist group.

Okay. Are you guys ready? I'm good to go. Zero, ready, set, play. Oh, my God. A couple couple hammer fists little little rear naked choke she doesn't look like she's resisting no looks like she's getting her ass kicked she can't take a punch either you know why i'm so against this particular... So normally, if people watch the show a lot, I'm kind of pro-cop, right? Yeah. She's in a bikini top and, like, short shorts.

Like, not only is she not concealing a gun or a knife, I would know if she had a pack of Tic Tacs on her in that outfit. There's no... And then she's in a beach, right? She's not in her car with access to that center console or glove box. The cops know that they're not in any danger. And this girl, I can't tell how old she is, but if you're not seeing it well, between like 17 and 19 would be a good estimate.

She might have said she was of age. She could be as old as 21. But just a pretty young thing wearing next to nothing. Not even able to conceal tic-tacs like i said i lean towards the cops a lot of time because i've also seen footage where things go from zero to a hundred in a heartbeat you know suddenly the cops are getting shot at during a traffic stop suddenly the cops are getting knifed or like it i can see why they're sensitive they have to be on guard all the time because if you're only on guard 99 of the time you could get burnt and uh but with her you knew it you know she's got like they knew what they were getting into

and they didn't need to do that there was no reason to do the the hammer fist maneuver there like she was on the ground they had her dead to rights that's the best time to apply a hammer fist maneuver there. She was on the ground. They had her dead to rights. That's the best time to apply a hammer fist from what I've seen. Strong, yeah. I just don't know how you would do that as a cop, knowing how many people are filming every second of your day.

You want to get that judge's decision. It's about damage done. Those early rounds. The Beach and Wildwood, even if they didn't see someone with a cell phone actively recording, they should have assumed this is the kind of environment where that happens. This isn't a remote parking lot at Walmart, which probably is filmed too, but this is the beach. You would think that there's six weeks of training. They would know better than to do something like this.

There's a thing. A lot of times people say, oh, these police need more training. And I wish that sometimes they said, this guy's an asshole. Shouldn't be a cop. Like, I don't think I need to train you not to beat up little girls in bikinis on the beach. While people are looking. You take them out back! Don't you know?

There's a fundamental inability to have solid judgment that's not trained into you. They don't need better training. They needed better parenting and it's too late now. This guy should be a waiter. That's my take on it. He shouldn't be a cop.

He's the wrong guy to be a waiter right that that's my take on it it shouldn't be a cop he's the wrong guy to be a cop so yeah and i mean we need less interactions between the police and people it's there's always going to be some amount of interactions are going to turn out like this like some percentage and to the only way to reduce these is to just have less interactions. Like, I don't need cops pulling people over to tell them to put a seatbelt on. I don't need cops

pulling people over to look for weed. Like, every time one of... It's like going to get surgery. A certain percentage of people, when they get put under, are going to die. A certain percent of these police-on-civilian interactions are going to go bad. of people when they get put under are gonna die a certain percent of these police on civilian interactions are gonna go bad and there's it's like the lawmakers it seems like they they they fixed pretty much all the ones we needed but then they just kept making more they

didn't want to stop like something they built the house and then they just kept building houses on top of it like let's throw a doll house in there let's throw a tree house in there let's just build another house on top of it you know, let's throw a dollhouse in there. Let's throw a treehouse in there. Let's just build another house on top of it. You know, we built so many houses, let's just build a giant one to chain them all. I think that so much would be better if we got rid of all the drug laws and all the weird Fourth Amendment violating laws

and all the friggin' gun laws and all the militarized police and all the federal police officers, and just try to cut down the amount that we, like, the shit work that we shovel onto the police. Something's wrong? Yeah. Make it illegal. Make the cops do it.

You know, the guys that we don't, that we screen for, like, the willingness to show up and maybe get shot. That's the requirement for the job. Let's make them handle it psychologists our brightest minds can't handle it fuck it give it to the police let them figure it out two things i want to say one is i there are advantages from going from the military to the police right like like let's say in the i think in the as a cop you can often retire at 20 and 25 years if you have like eight years in the military then you just need 12 more as a cop you can often retire at 20 and 25 years. If you have like eight years in the military, then you just need 12 more as a cop and you're done.

The problem is if you have eight years in the military, yeah, I know it because I have family who went through that. If you have eight years in the military, you might not be well-adjusted like to protect and serve, right? Like hyper-vigilant? Like seeing things where it doesn't exist you know the way that you need to conduct yourself to be a great soldier in iraq is different or iraq i don't know is different than the way that you need to conduct yourself to be a great

policeman in wildwood right not everyone there is your enemy so so that's i think a part of our problem and chis asked if it was a man if i'd feel differently there is maybe a little he's suggesting that i'm giving her a pussy pass if it was like a 115 pound man wearing a speedo like like like no no difference no fat on his body right hot as fuck just a tight little ass okay and and he was like no you can't hit me this way. And they started dropping those Brock Lesnar hammer fists on him. I was like, whoa! Whoa, whoa! That is not the kind of pounding that he enjoys.

You know who would love that video, Kyle? Well played. Someone who would love that video would be Fagatron. Fagatron would love that. He would love that. He'd sign up. Even if it was a small guy, I have to admit, I would be sign up even if it was like even if it was a small guy let me wear gloves i have to admit i would be not as forgiving if it was any kind of man like no see i'm not there i i

really i i think in my heart it like kyle said if it was a really small guy right whether it be young or just you know built slightly then uh then i would think the police were totally in the wrong. On the other hand, if the cops don't want to let some wide receiver from the NFL get out of hand, I give them a little bit of a break. You start to get a little upbeat. I think you made him black right there, but I was just trying to make him tall and strong.

That'd be the right position, right? Anyway, if there was some big strong guy uh steep a meokic or something then uh or meochich i would say that the police could apply a little more force because he's dangerous you know i get it there's just something about seeing a small girl in a bikini on the ground getting hammer fisted where i'm like this i don't think this is appropriate not the kind of fisting where i'm like this i don't think this is appropriate not the kind of fisting that i like to see yeah yeah she's i think wanted us to go in harder on this girl because he's like she assaulted him she spit at him she kicked him

i didn't see that in the footage yeah but we only saw 50 seconds of it to be fair the lead up i saw like when when they i saw her taking the repeated breathalyzer tests. That's what I saw. She was a little darky. I made this up in my head, so it could be wrong. But you can't drink on the beach. And my suspicion is someone reported her group. Is it that you can't be drunk on the beach?

Or is it that you can't have an open container on the beach? Because in my experience, it's always about the open container more than anything like as long as you're not like belligerent vomiting on yourself remember i think you were with me woody we were walking down the street in la near the chinese theater and there was a guy sitting up leaned against a wall vomiting on himself um outside a nightclub and it wasn't like a like a vomit where you lean forward, clear yourself, and you make a little noise too. He was going... You're watching him die.

It was just flowing out of his mouth onto himself. And Woody says, Oh, he's having a bad night. He was. I was right on that. Oh, that was at night? At least it was at night. Yeah, we have those people during the day too i lived about five blocks from there so every time you go out at night and you walk home there's like uh it's like the civil war the guys throwing up on

themselves women with their shoes in their hands consoling each other he's just sob about the guy that wasn't texting them back that night nice town yeah kyle there's a homeless guy around me who walks i think i would not be over the line to say the largest pit bull in america and he walks this thing down the street and i know he's homeless his shoes tell the whole tale and so this dog is not being well kept like it's the kind of dog that's going to snap and murder a baby it's any second and he walks it down the street and just lets it go up to people and investigate him and it's like well i guess to this guy if this dog attacks he'll end up in prison he'll get three square meals he'll get a bed

but yeah i don't think you should be able to do yeah what is this i've known plenty of uh i i knew a guy who was in jail not too long ago and uh and his reaction was um when i was in jail i saw him in jail and i was like what happened man what are you doing in here he's like all right it ain't no big deal man they gonna i get i get three meals i get a bed i get they gonna look they gonna look at my foot see what's wrong with it. If I'm lucky, they don't turn me loose until next Wednesday. I kind of have the opposite thing in mind. I'm hoping to get out tomorrow.

He was hoping to extend his stay at the fucking jail if he could. Oh, shit. Is this Wings content? Chiz is going to watch it and tell us if it's worthwhile or not. I like that idea. Yeah. Tell if it's a winner thank you chis yeah i appreciate it i love that woody were you gonna say something back before i interrupted you with the vomiting on himself story all right it wasn't good though you were asking if it was being drunk or the open container and i'm in ocean city not wildwood Ocean City, the biggest offense was having the glass

they took glass super seriously on the beach because not only can people get hurt from broken glass but if your town gets a reputation for having broken glass then that hurts the businesses they're just very vigilant I would sign off on that if I saw someone with glass bottles, especially if they're not

putting them back in their own cooler or something like that. I wouldn't like that either. That's a no-no. But we always had a beer and we'd go to the gas station and get one of those plastic containers and put a mixed drink in there with

a silly straw or something like that. Or put your beer in there or whatever. Or you can just take a can of beer, put it in one of those, and then put the straw straight into the beer or whatever. Yeah, all we've ever done is use koozies, and that seems to work fine. Those are cool cops. If you've actually got to hide it from them, though, to pass the point of, like,

I know what the top of a Bud Light can looks like, son. You've got to beat that. But yeah, it just says this is a good video. I'm certainly down to watch two minutes of Wings of Redemption. Wings of Redemption comments on his backing out of the PKA survival trip in 2014. This is a Sean Ranklin

video. Sean Ranklin makes the best Wings of Redemption content on the internet. Copyright Sean Ranklin 2018. It's great. He has taken the helm over from wings tings everyone should know that the current wings tings while he's doing the best he can he is not the original wings tings and pales in comparison these are all channel names of people who scope out wings stream and and compile i don't know before i watch this i haven't seen one second of it

i'm over the survival trip backing out i can't speak for the rest of the group but for me like it was never his biggest offense and i i don't know well i'm still livid let's watch it together let's see where he goes on this ready Ready, set... What do you mean by... Are we starting at 10? No, I think he's saying even 10 seconds in it was already worthwhile. We're starting at 0. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Ready, set, go.

So quiet. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. It was also... I tried to push it back to summer. They wouldn't want to do that. I was trying to get us to take stuff like compasses. They didn't want to take compasses.

Bullshit. I didn't want to get lost in the fucking woods. That was not a concern. This is a big fucking plan. Kyle left two days early. I was vomiting. Backed out on that Friday morning. And I left like four days early. He was on the road. I was I think I left like four days

He means you left Before the trip started Bullshit Bullshit Oh no not the blood sugar. We were willing to bring taffy. I had glucose tablets in my bag. You did.

I have my compasses. Not those. He should have. So. We could have poured some water. We could have got him to lay on his back, poured some water in his belly button, magnetized a needle, and floated it on a leaf in the little puddle that it made. And used that as a compass. What was he going to do with a compass? belly button, magnetized a needle, and floated it on a leaf in the little puddle that it made. What was he going to do with a compass?

We didn't go far enough to get lost. We walked like a mile, maybe? Yeah, dude. We hiked and look, we weren't in stellar shape, but I was in okay shape and Woody was in okay shape. Like normal adult men, I guess. And probably, I mean, American men are pretty slovenly, I guess.

Here's what I want to say. We would have absolutely modified what we did so that Wings could succeed. Thank you. That gets past so many people and especially Wings. What Woody and I did was different than what we would have done with wings there anything that got in the way of wings would have been curtailed and altered to not get in the way of wings we crossed a somewhat raging river at one point i struggled it was a difficult crossing it was very fast for some i don't know how kyle was just a genius at walking across fast-moving water. Anyway, carry on. I think he held my hand at one point.

I held... I crossed the river, put my bags down, came back across, got some of Woody's bags, crossed it again, came back across, and held Woody's hand and walked him across the river. Don't make memes of this. Anyway.

I was filming... You have to bring the chicken across. I was filming Woody try to make it across. And I started feeling bad. Like I was recording something I shouldn't. And I was like, I should go help. I'm going to sound like an excuse maker. I think Kyle had like sandals or mandals or something and i was barefoot and i honestly

think that made a big difference because the the rocks were not only slippery but they were moving and slippery and for me it just seemed like every step i was about to go down river honestly that very well could have been i had some uh what are the keens or something like that i had some like 130 mandals that are very fucking nice. They're hideous, but they're excellent. They're so good for hiking and walking. They don't rub blisters. But yeah, we wouldn't have crossed that fucking river if Wings had been there.

If he got tired walking in, we'd have sat down, rested every three minutes of walking, five minutes of walking, ten minutes. Whatever it takes. Whatever it took, right? The idea that he would have to build a shelter is absurd. We'd have built him a shelter. The idea that he would have had

to do anything other than sit there on a log and be himself. Do you think he knows that? Or do you think he's very paranoid? Or he's just making up excuses because he was weirdly agoraphobic or something. Just a bizarre man.

He makes these kind of excuses up about everything in life. When it comes to the weight loss surgery, he starts rattling off on the list of possible side effects and illnesses that he might get. He's like, I'll have to take iron pills for the rest of my life. And I'll have to sip water all day so I don't and I can never drink soda again because the carbonated beverages could make my little tummy explode. I want to remind people three times a day.

So Wing said in that video that the reason he wanted to delay the trip was that he wanted it to be warmer. That's not the reason he gave us. The reason he gave us was that he had a birthday be warmer that's not the reason he gave us the reason he gave us was that he had a birthday coming up and he didn't want to die before his 28th birthday do you remember the percentages he gave i asked him what do you think the percentage odds are the chances that you'll die on this trip i'm pretty sure he said there was a 30 chance that he would die

dude we were we're not survivor, we're not Survivor Man. We're not Bear Grylls here. We didn't go off into the Yukon. We parked a truck and walked for 20 minutes into a corner. Maybe more. Maybe 30 minutes. Because I want to say 20 minutes on the river crossing

because I was a little slow. Well, I'm not factoring that in because you could literally throw a rock across that river's not true well it would take a pretty good arm maybe you're right maybe you could and i couldn't i don't know this is it all this man's tale is it all fascinating to you you got to watch the video that details the entire storyline. We're actually a pretty big part of it. You two are. I'm just going to give you a little tasting of what you get in that Medicare video. He got fingered in the asshole by his grandmother, and that's all I'm going to tell you. That's great. It's a true story.

It's a true story. It's a story that he told. And it's in the Medicare video, him telling the story and Medicare commenting on him getting fingered by his grandmother. I'm not going to give you any more details than that because i want to whet your appetite medicare is like the ripley's believe it or not of people who've done weird shit with their ass yeah but wings's uh reasoning in that video i think was mostly untrue and there were five bullshits i give it five bull bullshits. Yeah, and I wish maybe, I don't know what I could have said that would have better translated

that we were on his side, right? You know, he felt like one of the reasons he gave me is he thought I was going to beat him up on the spot, right? Because we had that stupid rear naked choke thing, right? What? Oh, yeah. You thought you were going to beat him up?

Well, we had this bet, I think. I remember that. Yeah. He thought we'd beat him up. Wings was saying, Dick, if you don't know, I have a little fight training. And so Wings was saying that he could beat me. And I was like, eh, I find that really unlikely. And then he started changing the starting positions.

Well, now he wants the top. Now he wants full mount. It eventually gets to he wants my back with a rear naked choke sunk in as the starting positions. Well, now he wants the top. Now he wants full mount. It eventually gets to, he wants my back with a rear naked choke sunk in as the starting position. And I was still like, well, I accept your terms. And he listed, like, I was just going to jump him or something as one of the reasons

he didn't go on the trip. And I was not going to jump your wings. I swear I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to do anything like that. You know what I was going to do? Carry whatever shit you needed carried. Our whole goal was to set him up for success because it really felt like his presence would have added to the videos. His charisma, you might say.

Does he ever go outside? Not much. So you've got to bring all the fun to him? Yeah, absolutely. Kyle's been to his house a couple times. Yeah, I've been in there twice. Woody's been there once um you know we we fog out with the guy a bit yeah i uh yeah it's not i don't in there that breakdown would be fascinating and hilarious i yeah yeah man his family is just as interesting as he is i I've long said that I used to know a couple of like bullshit TV producers.

I mean, the ones who actually make like the shitty, shitty TV programs like Ultimate Warrior and crap like that. I should try to get in touch with some of those people and be like, hey, there's this guy named Jordy Jordan. They call him J Squared. He lives up in Conway, South Carolina. And if you thought Honey Boo Boo was a train wreck, you gotta get on this. There's cocaine. There's crack.

There's obesity. There's prostitution. There's guns. There's violence. There's fatty foods. There's retardation. There are trailers. There's intrigue. Drama. And there's a built-in fan base of 100,000 people minimum.

Yeah, just to start it. Just to plant the seed. Man, it's got to happen. But yeah, Wings, I think you drastically underestimate how much we would have tried to set you up for success on that trip. We were on your team, man. We were on your team 100%. We were team Wings. There would have been points where the cameras would have been off.

We'd be like, all right, let's do this thing, Wings. How about we set up a joke where we'd have set things up and then turned the cameras on and had fun with it. It wasn't about humiliating him or embarrassing him or pointing out that he was worthless or anything like that. He had all those ideas in his head. We would cut trees and then have to knock them down, right? What if Wings was the tree knocker downer? Oh, that'd be great.

You and I, like, get the tree sawed like 95% through, and then he just comes in and, like, karate chops it or, like, barrels into it. He does, like, a juggernaut rush. Oh, my god. I'm the juggernaut rush. Oh my god. Juggernaut bitch! And just let him run whole trees down. We put a lot of work into sawing those trees.

It was so difficult. I had this thing. It's like a chainsaw blade and it has handles on either end, like vinyl strap handles. Oh my god, what were we thinking? It wasn't like we had extra calories to burn oh i don't know you basically had like a garrote that you were trying to saw and we did we sawed

a tree down i'm not exaggerating it was this fucking big it was huge for what we were using and it was hardwood it was we were trying to make shelters it was we were not good at it. We were bad. Were ticks all over us? Yeah. Ticks all over you? A massacred chicken? That was the other survival trip. That was Chiz's trip. We've been on another survival trip since. And Chiz came along.

Yeah. And a cameraman. Pat. Patrick. That's the problem with all these crowdfunding Patreon stream revenue sources. There's nothing to like...

There needs to be a Super Bowl of weirdos to draw these guys out where they can win something that they really care about. He's got whatever, five grand a month. That's going to be really hard to draw him out for all these hilarious hijinks that you guys want to do. We need like a mysterious benefactor to set up a Nobel Prize.

You have no idea. DJ Keemstar. Do you know who Keemstar is? Yes. He's a big internet guy. He offered Wings quite a bit of money to box him. Like 30K. Oh, for boxing?

Jesus. He's like, W wings is talking about the surgery right and there was this big up and down do i get into america where it's like 20 25 000 27 000 or do i go to mexico where it's seven eight thousand dollars and keemstar was like dude i'll pay for the whole fucking surgery the rehab everything that goes along with it if you box me one year from today and he's like no i'm not getting beat up no you'll just kill me you'll just he literally thinks he would die again he thinks he would die it's because he doesn't want the surgery i mean it's all it's all a weird like

this is a guy with like crazy paranoid delusions that are becoming real because of the internet on accident there was a time there was a time when he was kind of hard up on money and uh you know we we talk about silly shit on this show and and you know we we were asking each other the question how much how much would you have to get paid to fuck a porn star and he was like to make a porno make a porno excuse me make a porno and you know they're like well what kind of porno like Excuse me. Make a porno. And, you know, they're like, well, what kind of porno? Like, oh, no, it's a cute chick that you would want to fuck. And, you know, she's riding your cock.

That's the porno wings. But it's out there and everyone can see your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you dick. He's like $5,000. And we're like, all right, then. So somebody writes me on Reddit. Someone writes me on Reddit and says, hey, is this real?

Because I know a guy who can make it real. It wasn't the guy, but he knew a guy. And I was like, yeah, let's push this forward. So I asked Wings, and I think he even doubled down on the yes. So he circles back with his guy, and now it's on. Now for $5,000, this guy guy's gonna make a real porn with wings. Backed out. Yeah, of course.

Of course. There's gotta be something he wants. Like Eric the Midget on Howard Stern just really loved that One American Idol contestant and apparently roped her in. Something Garena or something? What was her name? Oh, he fucking loved her.

And that was the carrot. There's gotta be, Wings has gotta have They roped her in. Something Garena or something. What was her name? Oh, he fucking loved her. Yeah. And that was the carrot. There's got to be wings. It's got to have like a rosebud. It's not funny. You get to meet her. You get to hang out with her. And then we get to make a real doll out of you.

A real doll sex doll that looks like you work. We want to take your measurements and we're going to make a fuckable version of you. And we're all going to fuck it. Wait're all gonna fuck it okay I'll do it fucking all right Eric Eric the midget was probably yeah probably my favorite Whack Packer late like like he got he got a band from the show for a while and he called in he's got a very distinctive voice he's a midget with a club foot and he's got like a speech impediment. But he would call in as Derek from Texas. It's Derek from Texas.

Okay, Derek from Texas. You sound a lot like Eric the midget. I don't think he likes being called a midget. It's fucking gold. So you gotta run, Dick? Yeah, got a uh i gotta hop on another show sorry guys sorry for the audio problems earlier you got it sorted out pretty quickly early on

i've conditioned our audience to accept audio issues that's smart we don't have a show that's smart we started bragging about the audio issues from Jump Street, and that has been our undoing. We've deleted episodes, and they'll never let us forget. They'll never let us hear the end of it. It's terrible. That sucks. Well, tell everybody where they can go to get everything that is Dick Masterson. You can go to The Dick Show, thedickshow.com, dick.show, I guess whatever podcast app you're onto, punch it in there and patreon.com slash the dick show uh if you want to read more about maddox's lawsuit it's at lolsuit.com l-o-l-s-u-i-t.com transcripts are up there somewhere as well as um as well as like two hundred thousand dollars in legal briefings each one is as hilarious as the last but it'll take you about three weeks to read

through it. That's hilarious, man. I'm definitely going to check out some of those transcripts. It's really funny. It's funny. I want to shoot it. It's 55 pages, but I want to shoot it with maybe a porn star judge. Animated. That's the way to do that shit.

Is it? I've seen those courtroom things animated using like uh someone did one with rick and morty um and and they and it was it was uh justin roiland doing the voices i guess and they were animating this thing where the defendant starts screaming at the judge and tells him he's gonna kill him the judge the judge is like all right could you attempt to court he's i'm gonna fucking kill you all right 10 days i'm gonna kill your fucking family 20 days i'm gonna kill your baby i'm gonna hammer fucking kill you. Alright? Ten days. I'm going to kill your fucking family. Twenty days. I'm going to kill your baby. I'm going to hammer him with a head.

I'm going to hit him in the head with a hammer. I'm going to fucking kill your baby. I'm going to eat your asshole. Like, it's going crazy on the judge. He just gives him more and more and more time. But it's, you know, it's freaking mortifying. I'll look into that. Maybe there's a cheap way to do it. Otherwise, I feel like I've been making a fucking Pixar movie

with this transcript. Anyway, thanks, guys. It's making a fucking Pixar movie with this transcript. Anyway, thanks, guys. It's always a pleasure. Yeah, man. Catch you later. Yeah, for sure. Talk to you later. All right. Let me do my last advertisement of the night and tell everyone about Man Crates.

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offer only for Father's Day, so go today. That's ManCrates.com. ManCrates.com. I got the chef's knife and and uh cut and like cutting board and uh it looks really nice go grab it yeah i think the cutting board's dirty but i'm gonna get it anyway yeah he showed it on i think pkn it's super super nice i ordered uh the outdoor survival kit because i think i'm going to be going camping this summer.

And it has, like, a knife with that cord around it that's useful. It's got a ton of shit. But what did you get, Woody? What did you select? I'm trying to remember. I love the ammo can. Oh, the speakers. Yeah, I remember that now.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not clear. Yeah, there's the speakers, like, built into an ammo can. But it turns out that while that's for sale, it's not for the hosts. I'm not sure why. So I picked a different one. It might have been a knife-making kit. Something cool.

Yeah, all of it's super neat. I was going through picking one to have sent, and there wasn't a single one that I would be disappointed to get. They're all awesome. The crowbar thing seems pretty neat. I'm looking forward to that. So here disappointed to get. They're all awesome. The crowbar thing seems pretty neat. I'm looking forward to that. So here is the knife. The knife is really fucking sharp. It comes with a band-aid.

Yeah, it came with a box of band-aids, a knife sharpening kit. I cut up some... Did it really come with band-aids? Yeah, I thought it was funny. And this chopping block, I want it was funny. This chopping block... I want to stress the thickness of this thing. This isn't like...

If you put it in front of your face, it's off-camera. Yeah. It smells good. What does it say on there? RSK. Oh, I couldn't see it. That's neat. That's a very thick cutting board.

It's got that little... I don't know what you call it, like that moat around it to catch all the juices of whatever you're cutting. I like that. That's high quality. So definitely check them out. Yeah. ManCratesPlural.com. It's pretty cool.

Check it out. Maybe buy your father a gift or splurge for yourself because it's really legit. When you showed it in the Hangout, I couldn't tell there was an RSK on the knife or the cutting board. That's very neat. Have fun explaining that to people. I do.

I always do. I'm not ashamed of our heritage. Our heritage. No. That's a very cool new sponsor. I love having Dick on. He's great. He, no. Yeah. That's very cool. New sponsor. I love having Dick on.

He's great. He did a great job. You guys should definitely check his show out. There's a certain vibe about him that I enjoy. Yeah. It was, it's disappointing to hear the whole Maddox thing and how it's gone down because I don't know about you guys,

but I remember in like early two thousands when he was doing his site, like early mid two thousands and like reading it and being like god this is fucking hilarious like I've never read comedy content like this before online uh like his article from like 2006 or something where it's like making fun of vegetarians or vegans saying like for every animal you don't eat I'll eat three and and those kinds of things. It was really funny. And so to see him kind of slide down and become kind of the antithesis of what I used to imagine him as kind of sucked. Did you guys follow him at all before this or never? No, I was introduced to Dick on this show.

No, Maddox. I had not been introduced to Maddox, really, other than this show. This shit was very funny in uh dude in the early 2000s topic wise um pub g is suing fortnite help me understand it like pub g seems to think they own the battle royale style game and wasn't there another game that had 64 players, like Magnum or something? It was even on the PS4, maybe. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? I'm not sure.

So it's not just the Battle Royale thing. It's a lot of the... It's the whole way the game works. Now, I don't necessarily agree with it, but the way you begin the game and an aircraft flying over the map and being dropped and parachuting in like they've they they've changed it it's more cartoony like you're not in a military parachute

you've got a number of customizable ways to parachute in like you're like mary poppins with an umbrella and shit like that but it's very similar the way the loot system works the way that there are medical items of varying um healing factors and there's boost items and shield items, and the way the weapons and all that stuff works. It's pretty similar. Also, the way that you've got an encroaching zone of danger coming in. Now, of course, the original thing to come up with this idea is, of course, the Japanese film, Battle Royale. Before that, well, after that, H1Z1, is that the name of the game? That was the game.

Didn't it have an enclosing area? Didn't you parachute into that? I didn't play that game. I didn't play it. I just watched it on Twitch a little bit. So it's H1Z1, and chiz is saying i'm pretty much on target with my description so it it had an enclosing area and i think you parachuted into that too i don't know if the loot system and like med packs were the same or not chiz will probably

know oh it didn't have the pub g red zone but it's pretty similar. Yeah, I don't know what that means. Yeah, I don't know what the basis of the lawsuit is. I don't think anyone does yet. I don't know how they're going to word it and say what their exact complaint is. But yeah, it's very similar. It's very similar. It's very similar. The community seems to be mad at PUBG because compared to Fortnite, they're not reinvesting into the game very much.

It almost seems like they took their money and ran instead of reinvesting and trying to improve the game by doing things with it, keeping it fresh. And so the community is already mad at them. So when they filed this suit, they seem to be like, oh my god You're all wasting your time and energy on a suit

A lawsuit instead of the game Of course they really should understand That they're not the same people You can hire some outside counsel And not distract the developers Yeah the developers aren't writing the lawsuit or anything I don't feel that way about them PUBG has two maps out

And they've got a third that's on the experimental test servers that we've all played. As far as I know, Fortnite only has one map. I could be wrong about that. Fortnite puts in a lot of cosmetic items, like tons of cosmetic items, and they put in a ton of

weapons that they've added in. But PUBG is continuously adding and tweaking the game. They just had a big patch that came out yesterday or the day before maybe that's currently on the test servers. It might have gone live by now, but they're revamping the game

on a continual basis. I get where people are coming from that not wanting PUBG to sue Fortnite, but I don't really fucking care. I don't care for Fortnite. It's not not really what i the kind of gameplay i enjoy but i love pub g i don't care about a fucking lawsuit though i don't think anything's going to come of it so um i'm not the guy that's an expert on this but chis might be and she says they're definitely not doing as much as they could fortnight update shit weekly they change the maps continuously

adding new things fortnight is way more on their shit than PUBG. I mean, for fuck's sake, this is not... For fuck's sake, six months and we still don't have a new map? They're slow. Although Kyle said they do have a new map. I don't know how to reconcile that. They've been working on the third map for months now. Keeping it on

the experimental test server and tweaking the map and working on loot and stuff like that um okay i don't know she's saying the last map was in december which would make it six or seven months so so yeah and then i guess fortnite has new guns the from what i read i'm on the outside on this whole thing fortnite's been trying much harder but you know what i found interesting because you mentioned all the cosmetics rocket league I wonder how that game is doing financially. There is a game that just went

cosmetic crazy, but the game mechanics are kind of the same. I wonder how it is. Chiz plays a lot. Rocket League? Oh, Chiz plays Rocket League? Yeah. Chiz was the best in our group. That's the game with the cars, where you play soccer in a car? Yeah.

Yeah, basically. But they've added some other game modes. You can play basketball in a car. I don't know what else. Volleyball. So they haven't branched out that much. They're playing sports in a car. They're just using a car. They can go curling in the car.

They should have a straight-up demolition derby mode. See how that goes. I don't know. Maybe that would suck. I'd rather run people over. I like that mode. I just find Rocket League interesting because one of the women that worked for me

at WoodyCraft, her brother owns the company that is Rocket League. He's the main owner of the whole thing. His life changed financially in a really positive way. I would imagine so. Yeah. When was the last time you played a game, Woody? I would imagine so yeah so I think to keep my

eye on it when's the last time you played a game Woody probably been a hot second yeah it's been a while and it I almost come off

as someone who like doesn't like games or something but that's not really the case I bet I'd pick one up and be like oh my god

I forgot how much fun this was but I just never seem to open it you know i just don't like break that seal i haven't played a game in a while yeah i find since starting working out more often like when i'm done working out i have less desire to play the game yeah like oh i'm just gonna fucking sit back and watch something or play you know well i guess that's different

like i've been playing uh a pokemon game. Well, I guess that's different. I've been playing a Pokemon Game Boy game sometimes, and that's still pretty fun, but that's more of a nostalgic thing. Kyle, what were you tittering at? This. Is there something you're about to copy-paste? I think he's about to. All my mocking of Kyle's copy-paste skills is true.

It's true. The goose is loose. At least they can hear me. Yeah, you got that on me. This is called The Goose is Loose, Goose Takes Nasty Hit into Scoreboard at Angels Game.

Spoiler. Is it set to music? No. All right. I'm at 32 seconds. Ready, set, play. Here we go. I'm at 32 seconds. Ready, set, play. Oh, Jesus.

There's feathers all over the place. Good. Yeah. Dude, I was driving down the road the other day, and there was a whole family of geese in in the median I was like try it fucking try it I'm not gonna break I'm gonna accelerate if I see an opportunity I'll swerve into you as long as I stay in the road

truck or Camaro I was totally ready to crush a goose I was down I didn't care I would crush a goose I'm not swerving at all for those hell rats that fly they're the worst. I would fight a goose, but I wouldn't damage my car on a goose.

Maybe the taco. It'd be fine. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking hit it. Yeah. I mean. I don't know.

It's so satisfying. The noise. You'd feel a little thump and there'd be loud... And just a crack as you hit the thing. I would like the goose to be the aggressor first, right? I'd happily take... If he's in my lane, he's aggressing. If that goose puts you in a self-defense situation, where you have to defend yourself legally,

what are you going to do? Probably beat the shit out of it, because it is a goose. Kill that goose. It'll even have teeth fuck you i'm not afraid no one's ever got a good like i feel like a sword like that that long neck they have i feel like you could just yeah just lop its head off before i even knew what happened it's begging for it yeah any kind of you, stick, anything would be fine to destroy it.

It's got bird bones. So even a joking karate chop is going to be enough to shatter it. I don't know. If they were that fragile, wouldn't they break all the time in nature? Don't ask real questions. I don't know.

David Attenborough, give us the skinny. I don't actually know the brittle to hardness ratio of bird bones. Yeah, they're hollow. Like chocolate bunnies. Thanks for the comparison, Chiz, if that helps you. You think of hollow things

like chocolate bunnies. I bought an enormous chocolate bunny one time at a store, and I was genuinely upset when I realized it was hollow. Because it was expensive. I don't remember what it was. Let's call it $50 or something like that. And it was, I can't even put my arms out big enough to express how large this chocolate bunny was.

And it was fucking hollow. I was like, I thought I was buying an enormous chunk of chocolate. If it's that big, wouldn't you have been able to tell lifting it up? It was sitting on the floor. You're just like, man, I'm jacked. Yeah? It was sitting on the floor. Man, I'm jacked. It was sitting on the floor like a lawn gnome. I was like, I'll take one of those.

How much chocolate do you need? That sounds like it's 30 pounds of chocolate. It was for fun. I wasn't going to eat it. You were just going to have the chocolate? Yeah. I was on vacation. It was just for a joke i wanted to like

walk around with it and have it be my chocolate bunny friend in that case it seems more convenient that it was hollow right and if my blood sugar were to drop and i started getting dizzy headed oh i need that shot you really bring a glucose tablet yeah with. They were for wings. Yeah, because leading up to that thing, that's actually very full of you. There were weeks of planning that went into that trip, so my bag had been packed, and then

unpacked, and then packed again. Every item was meticulously laid out like I was a serial killer or something. I got this here and that there and here's the backup thingy and there was so much shit. You know. But not food. There were weeks

to plan ahead for like everything that needed to be brought. There was no forgetting anything once we got out there. It wasn't like a spur of the moment thing. So I was like, ah, glucose tablets for Wings. That way he can't bitch out. The way Wings remembered it, he's like, I kept telling these guys to reschedule

it, that the weather was wrong. There's some truth to that, but it all felt to me like in the context of backing out. Like, I don't want to die before my 28th birthday. I don't want this. I don't want that. It was all like wimpy sissy shit that I didn't want to like impact my decision making. There was also a ton of shit talking like what a man he was,

what a pussy lefty was, you know, that he was going to hang his hat on this thing as one of his life accomplishments to tell people in his world initially. Right. And was like, no, not for me.

No. Yeah. Rolled right out the gate and was like, I can't do this, I don't have one of those outdoor chairs. There's a wheelchair joke in there. And I was like, you can get on my back, I will hodor you into the wilderness, we'll take turns if we need to,

we'll get you there. And he was like, no, no, you'd have to drag me on a sledge, and with all my Nazi memorabilabilia i'd be weighing down i remember it just like that he would hunt rabbits with his luger what is that for for bravery but yeah i i thought the the the contrast between the way that wings like insulted lefty for two months and then backed out himself what you know that i would that would have motivated me that would have motivated me

to make that not happen but yeah he finds a way i was upset about that i'm not i'm not very upset about it anymore it's and it certainly wasn't like it's not one of the major things that i hold against him either and you know but but at the in that moment i was enraged i was i was fucking enraged like that was like the... It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. Because, you know, I called him. He didn't call me, even.

If he had called us and said it... But no. We've shown more respect for your guy's time and effort. We'd have called it off, I think. If he told us the day before that he wasn't coming, we'd be like, oh, well,'s hang on we need a third party here like like otherwise it's just me and woody's homosexual tryst into the wilderness right like it's just two guys in the woods is a little weird you need you need three or more in my opinion i i i i enjoy the

trip with woody for as long as it lasted and everything no you're right you need three or more if it's a group of guys. It can't be like, hey, me and Chiz are heading out into the woods for a week. You two would rightly so be like, what the fuck? Yeah, I felt like when we told the waitress at the restaurant that we were going out in the

woods, she was like, oh, see your friend? I saw that movie. Yeah. We're together. Refill his water. He gets angry when he's thirsty. Keep him hydrated or shit's going to hit the fan.

Yeah, that was a fucking shit show and it was all because of him. Things would have gone completely different. I probably wouldn't have gotten into the water after that turtle. I wouldn't have gotten sick. Do you think that's what got you sick? Do you think you accidentally drank some water? I think it was drinking

that water. I know I drank water. I know I swallowed the water. That's what it has to be then. Right? Like you didn't eat anything during the whole trip. You didn't show up sick. No. The only thing, like I ate breakfast that morning obviously. But I wasn't vomiting up food. I was vomiting up. i think we had the same thing

yeah pretty much i i know i got gravy biscuits but i was bad yeah i had those sores in my mouth too that's right chiz yeah that was bizarre did you go to the doctor for that no i just got better what were the sores like in your mouth oh my god so like you gotta keep in mind i we were starving like it'd been all day and we've been working hard all day sawing trees down and swimming and and wading across the river twice we did it the second time in the middle of the night and uh and i had been vomiting for like two hours before we left and it was just like the point where i was vomiting up foam like it was just like water and foam that was coming up. There wasn't any food in my stomach. So I was just starving. So fucking hungry when I got in my car. And when I got back to South Carolina to like a place that I knew and I was like 40 minutes from

home, I pulled into Jack in the Box and I was so hungry. And I was like, oh, yeah, give me the the double bacon cheeseburger and give me a large order of curly fries and a milkshake. And I took one bite of the curly fries and my mouth was filled with pain. The whole roof of my mouth burned like there were ants stinging it. And I was like, ah, ah, and I took napkins and cupped them in my hand and started scrubbing the roof of my mouth because I thought the curly fries had done it. But it was just any food. It turned out that any food in my mouth was excruciating you might have liked a milkshake burned the milkshake burned the milkshakes don't typically burn that sucks yeah that sucks so bad it burned it was awful i was starving but i couldn't eat so i just went

home and went to sleep hungry. And the next day, they were gone. It wasn't like sores as much as it was like, I don't know, like eight tender spots on the roof of my mouth that just burned. I mean, there were tears coming out of my eyes. Was it like a canker sore? Like when you bite the side of your mouth and then you get that sore? I don't know how to describe it. Like the bite gets infected or something? No, it wasn't that either i it was they just it was excruciating pain on the roof of my mouth in

and like five to eight little points and uh and it wasn't in the next day there were i was a okay i was good to eat again but um that that was awful i was like am i ever going to be able to eat again all it takes is one little thing to change in your mouth for you to immediately notice like oh i had no idea i was so used to the same feeling everywhere with my tongue you know like one tiny little when i got my teeth fixed that fucking sucked for like a week because your tongue's just confused and like your lips on the inside feel different on those teeth and it's just like god is it ever gonna feel normal like and it eventually does of course but it's interesting like you take that for for granted and then you'll get like a little bump or a you'll bite your lip and then that's all that you do for the

next two weeks they say you know you know like i know this like the back of my hand no you know nothing like the inside of your teeth yeah i know this like the roof of my mouth. Exactly. Where are you on the teeth thing? Is it done? Is it done for now? It's done for now. Basically, they were like, what we can do, you can either get braces for a couple years to get your teeth fixed, like your bite fixed

because it's not my teeth that had a problem. It was my bite. Then you won't grind anymore or we can put this composite shit on there or no or we can give you veneers for like 15 grand 14 grand whatever it was and i was like well i don't know about that i'm not getting braces though so what other options do we have and like all right well you can go like uh no invisalign wouldn't work my bite was too shit just but um my they were like all right we can put this five thousand dollar composite shit on there

and then after like a year of that if your bite is fixed then we know that the veneers will in fact fix it because this is going to be the same size and shape as the veneers we eventually give you and that way you know you're over your teeth will lock in and so i was like all right i'll do that and so it's been like a couple months six weeks maybe since i had that done and it's fine now i've chipped the tooth once which i said before was because we were doing our drinking episode on here and then i walked to bed and forgot to put my retainer and i woke up the next morning i was brushing my teeth and i spit and i was like i saw just a big divot i'm like fuck you idiot you wanted to bed without

it because you got goddamn tanked on cpa last night. And you ground your teeth down again. But since then, it's been fine. People want a drinking episode every month. And I don't know how you feel about it. I think Kyle would be down. Yeah, I think it's mostly a joke. One a month would be way too much. It would kill me.

One every three months would be brutal. God, I thought 18 months was a little close. That felt back-to-back in Woody's world. Yeah, it's easy to have a few beers while you do the show, but that's not a drinking episode. The drinking episodes are like the whole goal is to get shithoused, and so it's just exhausting. Those are the worst Fridays where you wake up the next day

and you're just like, oh. Like you do that little test where you shake your head and you can feel your brain rattling around. You're like, oh, yep, yep, way too much to drink on the show last night. Someone was writing that I wasn't a very good drinker. And he outlined, like, he really nailed it. He said that when I drink, I'm too worried about being drunk instead of just enjoying the being drunk that like i it's very hard for me to nail this getting drunk but not getting hung over thing i don't know what other people are like but for me like i either don't

get drunk or i get too drunk it seems like to get on that razor's edge and not fall off the other side is super hard for me. Well, and the level we're supposed to drink for a drinking episode, there is no, oh, maybe I won't get hungover. It's like, no, you're going to be hungover. Like the goal is to get, you know. There's hungover where the next day you're just a little less. And then there's thankful that the bathroom floor is cold. And I have a hard time not getting that's probably why

i don't have any drinking issues at all i i have no desire to drink because it's never good for me it's either like not enough or way unpleasant i don't want to i never it's a sacrifice i make for the viewers i think like an actual good time frame for it you know the one a month joke but like once a season i think would be an appropriate amount like every three months or so like because then that's one you know every 12 13 shows ish i think that would be that's so much next week no drinking episode is that we're talking about we were talking about how they say one a month and i was saying what i think an actual reasonable amount, because the one a month thing is kind of a meme joke, is like once a season.

So like every three months. Well, spring has sprung, my friends. Yeah. Next week will be great for me. I'll get tanked, and then we'll drive up to New Jersey for my mother-in-law's memorial service. We'll start this next season. The last one was

April 14th. So yeah, you're right, Chiz, we are due in two months, though. See, that's not that bad. No, no, no, no, no, no. Spring doesn't happen until like April 21st, I think. It might be June 21st, maybe. I was just going like every...

Oh, wait, no, spring, you're saying. I'm sorry. I'm on summer. We were in like fall or something. I don't know what you call the pre-spring months, but yeah, if we're doing every season. Well, it's definitely not fall. It's winter. So here we are.

Spring was March 20th. Summer is June 21st. Then September 22nd and December 21st. So there we are. March, June, September, December. Oh, that overlaps what Chiz is saying. Well, in any case, we should get good and tanked up in whatever you guys are ready. Kyle, I can't hang with you.

Next time we'll all do Grand Gallop. Oh, it's tasty. Grand Gallop wasn't a bad choice for me, I think. I didn't really nail it, I think, on the drinking episode. People were giving me shit about the previous one. I forget. We had Kyle's Best Effort and then I drank most of a bottle of

wine and there might have been some Kahlua in there at some point. Warm white wine and then just a cup of Kahlua mixed with milk. No wonder you felt terrible. But people were giving me shit like I wasn't really drinking, whereas they should have been kissing my ass because I drank at what I consider

an irresponsible level. Yeah. Kyle, have you made any more additions to your orange sugar crystal cup? No, I washed that thing about two or three days after we discussed it last. It had stopped growing.

It had used up all of the sugar that was there, and it just seemed gross. And I was washing dishes, so I threw it in the dishwasher, and it is no more. But it was kind of cool. It was pretty. But yeah, it got washed. It was very pretty. Great job.

It smelled good too probably smelled like orange well it didn't smell like alcohol because alcohol goes away it smelled like rock candy there was no alcohol smell at all it was kind of cool but yeah i uh i'm digging the grand gala that's what i drink now that's that's all i drink really um really you're not uh branching out at all anymore because i know for a while you were trying quite a bit i i tried like three or four other things that are similar to that, and Grand Gala is the superior one. And I've mentioned it before, but I was watching that channel that reviews liqueurs and liquors and whiskeys and vodkas and everything like that. And Grand Gala won their blind taste testing, and it beat out a bunch of liqueurs that were twice as expensive because Grand Marnier is like $38 per bottle

and Grand Gala is $19.99 or something like that. And I prefer the Grand Gala. It's less of a burn and a better orangey taste and I like it. It gets you drunk. It certainly does. It'll get you regretfully

drunk. So we still have the rest of that Grand Gala from the last time. Will it be bad in a few months? No. No, it'll be fine. Oh, no. Probably, right? Liqueur, that's good for, like, ever, right?

It's good forever, man. It really is. Like, I'm not teasing you or anything. Okay. It's liquor. It's good forever. Yeah. And was I supposed to be refrigerating it?

No. No, no, no, no, no. All right. Yeah, Chiz is right. I think as long as liquor doesn't have, like, cream in it, like Baileys or something, you're good to just leave it out. Yeah, yeah. I leave it on. I have a little liquor cabinet over there.

And, you know, it sits on top of that. And there's, like, liquor glasses under that. And there's beer steins and glasses under that. And, yeah, yeah, it's it's good it just sits on the shelf it's good good to go yeah well then i'm already ready for the next drinking episode i think i drank less than half so i'll be good well that's good that you dressed drink less than half of a whole bottle god the whole bottle in one night would have been dramatic what i don't even know you'd feel horrible for. That wouldn't even be a one-day hangover.

Like, you'd go to bed the day after and wake up like, is this going to be forever? Is this the way life is now? Yeah, that is some shoe-night stuff. Well, mine might have been smaller than yours. No, they were both the same size model, I think, right? Yeah. Just the standard regular fifth?

Yeah. 0.75 milliliters. I don't know what a fifth is i mean i know what a fifth is but i don't know what it is in milliliters because kind of you also buy a bigger one sometimes right am i crazy yeah sometimes i get the 1.75 milliliter bottle which is a real big giant one yeah beat someone oh absolutely you could i mean it's a it's a handful. But I usually just get the .75 ml bottle. Are you ever tempted to decorate with liquor bottles? No, I throw them the fuck away after I drink them. Okay. I will see that now and again.

Where like, in college, everyone did that for the most part. Like, I didn't because I just threw the shit away. But like, you'd go into someone's apartment and there'd just be rows of all of their all the vodka or all the gin or whatever the hell that they drank since then it's become really lame and pathetic yeah like unless i go over to someone's house and there's like a bottle up there it's like what's that well that's a bottle of johnny walker blue that my uncle bought for me for my birthday right before he

passed and it's like oh that's kind of a neat, neat story or whatever the hell. But I'll go into someone's apartment now who's like got Tito's bottles up there. And it's like, you're a year older than me. We've been able to drink legally for years and years now. Like, what's the big thing you're showing off? Like, my habit. This is my cry for help. I also like...

Like a fat signal of anguish. Sometimes I see, if they decorate with liquor, they're like, yes, that's the time I was in Kilimanjaro. That's the time I was in Venezuela. Just get a fridge magnet. That's a place, right? Yeah. No, I throw that shit away.

To me, it also seems like something that like high school kids and like college kids do like they'll save like beer bottle caps and make belts out of them and bullshit like like i don't know like you're proud that you drank a coors light last night i mean good for you but like i throw that shit away plus the grand gala the grand gala bottles are trashy. They're not fancy. I'm sure that part of the reason it's $20 is they don't spend a ton of money making a fancy bottle and decorating it really fancily. The Grand Marnier comes in this really fancy bottle with the top is a cork and the cork has been waxed on.

There's a ribbon tied in a fancy way with a with wax and the wax has been stamped and the bottle is uh is i don't know it's it's very wide and kind of short with a convex base and you know sure all that price yeah yeah it comes in that like velvet bag and such and i was just like i i can't imagine a pepsi coming in a velvet bag it seems like a little excess cost i mean yeah and god can you think of something less classy oh then using the velvet bag i was gonna say like you know like i use that velvet bag i carry my lunch to work in it you know honestly like i use it as a dice bag for magic gathering like there was a time once where I looked online to buy magic supplies,

and it was like a little pull-string bag. It was like seven bucks or something kind of retarded. And I was like, or next time I go to the store, instead of buying whatever liquor I was going to get, I'll just buy Crown Royal, and I'll have my own come-with-it bag. And so I still have that bag right over there with all of my dice. And I like Crown Royal and I'll have my own come with it bag and so I still have that bag right over there with all of my dice and I like Crown Royal I I it's it's it's kind of one of the it's Canadian um whiskey uh right I think it's uh it's it's kind of sweet uh my dad doesn't really drink

hard alcohol but like uh once a year he would buy a bottle of like a small bottle of Crown Royal and he'd sip it around Christmas. He called it his Christmas liquor. And and so occasionally I'd pour myself like a little half shot or whatever and sip it and see it. And I'm like, oh, that's not too bad. And I think they even make like a Crown Royal honey that's even sweeter than like regular Crown Royal. Oh, they have an apple one. Oh, that sounds good.

Yeah, it was not. Oh, yeah. But the regular kind is fine yeah i like uh i i like i i've shifted from sweet mixed drinks which are just full of sugar and not as much alcohol to kind of sweet liquors which have a good a bit of sugar in them, obviously. My science experiment proved that. But they're 80% alcohol. I was looking at something the other day, and it was like 65 proof instead of 80 proof. And I was like, oh, no way. No way.

I'm going to have to drink like 15% more of that. That's not happening. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We want 80 proof over here. We want to do two good belts of that and be buzzed and fucked up no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no God damn, Chiz. What if that showed on screen? Oh, that's not that bad. I bumped it. It's not ideal.

Chiz is racist. Chiz is clearly not concerned with any of the things he says in the chat. You've said it before. You think the stuff we say is a little off the wall. Comments are out there. I love Chiz's comments. When's Chiz coming back on the show?

I hope soon. I love having Chiz on. It's fun to talk to. Five man show. Episode 400. Chiz and Wings. That would be fun. That's not a convincing thing to say. Yeah, I don't think Wings would be good on the show. He's not going to want to talk about the stuff we're going to want to talk about with him.

Yes, he will. He talks about it every day. Yeah, but he won't want to do that here. Like, when he talks about it on his stream, like, he often... You know, it's, like, drug out of him, and then he's all upset and stuff like that. And he would think... I'm sure he would think that, like, coming on here,

we'd want to attack him. He would think that, but my vision for it is kind of, like, just like old times. Yeah, but we'd have to ask about the surgery right we'd have to ask details about the surgery and we'd have to you know and he doesn't want to do that i hear you i just want to happen but i got lots of questions you know i want to know what's going on with his sister i want to go want to know what's going on with his brother with gangster grandma with his mom i want to know like I want status updates for all of his family members.

I want to hear about the gunman. I want to hear about gangster grandma. All that stuff. I want to know. I want to know what's up. It could be great. It could be great. I wish he'd do it. He probably wouldn't.

He calls Kitty a couple times a week. I usually get updates through her. It should happen. And Chiz. Chiz would be on the show too. It'd be fun. Maybe we could play games. I think Wings thinks that we dislike him.

And I'm sure there are people who listen who think that we hate him or whatever. But they don't do a comedy podcast for a hundred thousand people every week so they they're socially retarded um but chis actually hates him i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure oh yeah i know you got him a chip yeah there's a little tidbit maybe everyone doesn't know chis got wings a chair sponsor and wings turned it down don't have no idea why have no idea why he was gonna get a free chair uh with really no effort like he didn't have to like make a video or anything he just had to sit in the chair and maybe say this is a whatever it was chair right but like

he turned it down or whatever but yeah chis i remember chis uh maybe it was like wings birthday or something or christmas and uh chis had like an Amazon gift list for Wings, and it was a bag of glass and a book called How to Swallow Things. I remember that joke. It didn't seem like a joke coming from Chiz, it seemed like a prescription. It's a comedy podcast did you just say that wow his audio is terrible well probably minus two i don't know um what was i gonna say uh chis the dream oh for me like you know am Wings? Wings' superpower is still in effect. You know, like, time will pass and you let it go and you start rooting for him again.

That's the thing that Wings has about him. And it works. I forgive. I just don't forget. You know, it's important to, like, keep in context who the guy is. But, you know, I don't hold any ill will against Wings. My general thought process is he can't help it you know that that he's not he can't help it that's not and that doesn't necessarily excuse

him from doing the things that he does but it does allow me to forgive him but never forget call it a wrap yeah yeah check out all of our many sponsors really really like the man crates for hymns get quip squarespace and express vpn also check out the dick show links down below go read about the lull suit uh links to all of that stuff down below and uh yeah that's it it's show good lord i hope