Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #391
Episode Date: June 22, 2018On this week's PKA, sadly Hostetter couldn't make it so it's just the boys again and they discuss the latest developments with Wing's upcoming surgery, Kyle gives his opinions on Fallout 76 and what ...we saw out of E3 and then the crew takes a troll down a street named "High Mileage Holes"
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Painkiller already, episode 391. We were gonna have a guest, Steve Hofstetter, but at the last minute he had tech issues, so you're getting the, uh, just the gang here.
Kyle?
Yeah, a couple sponsors tonight. GetQuip, Man Crates, Movement Watches, Dollar Shave Club, and, uh, yeah, we'll get to those guys later on in the show.
Of course, links in the description if you just can't wait.
But we were talking about Stan Lee a moment ago.
He's the guy who basically is responsible for like all of the cool marvel characters he invented them he was
the the guy behind them and uh 95 years old now of course he gets a cameo in like every single
marvel movie he's always in there which is which is fun and funny and a little sad news coming from
from his side though i guess he's filed this restraining order against his business partner for
elder abuse.
There's a lot of
ways to abuse the elderly.
You might just make fun of the size
of their pool.
What did they do to him in particular?
Well, it seems like his partner
sort of has...
What would you call it? Has he co-opted his life like snuck in and started
stealing his resources and making decisions for him well he took control of mr lee's home uh in
february of this year and he hired a security team and began making all of the household decisions
and uh since then um he's he's denied access to pretty much any of Lee's family
or anyone else who wants to come visit him.
But his actual home you're talking about?
Like he's making home decisions?
Like, I want tapioca.
He's like, you'll get snack packs and that's the end of it.
No more rice pudding in this household.
Yeah, he's literally kind of locked him into his own house.
Mr. Lee has a large estate worth over $50 million.
Nice. That's not as much as i would think for the guy that invented all the the x-men in particular yeah so i want to say that
the movie started with iron man 10 years ago are you telling me he was not worth much 10 years ago
yeah marvel was in the dumps uh like before movie universe took off and became this multi-billion dollar cash cow.
There was a time when it was for sale in the 90s for a very small amount of money.
That would suck to spend your whole life building that up, and it really tips at the age of 85.
Right? it really you know tips at the age of 85 right and so 85 to 95 is his prime best of the best but
you're too old your dick's not working oh uh oh wait stanley got very little of that four billion
is in the in the article and so that sucks maybe he probably had to write a predatory contract just
for them to take it off his hands and help him get those off the ground because some venture
capital probably didn't play a big role in its recent success either like he probably had a more commanding
role in what marvel was and did when it sucked you know during the years that like kyle mentioned it
was kind of a dog in the 90s now someone else has taken his seed and made it grow into a farm
crop and he didn't get all that money yeah well i mean you know a lot of
his characters you know he's old as fuck right a lot of these characters i believe he came up with
in like the 60s and 70s you know like he invented many of the characters that that we know today
in the 60s and 70s he was like older than woody is now yeah that's when he was really pushing hard. I don't know if that's true. So he's 95, right?
He was born in 23.
So in the 60s, that would be 50 years ago, right?
So he'd be my age in the 60s, I guess.
I'm 45.
Yeah, he'd be 45 in 1968, which is very old.
Yeah.
Almost dead.
45 and 68 is ancient.
Yeah.
Well, I can tell you this.
Your dick still works.
But his didn't because they were like,
what do you do again?
You know, all the flapper girls, whatever the fuck was going on.
It's a little too late.
You know, they're going to the drive-in and whatever.
And he's like, I make uh superman i make up one guy has bones that are made of metal
and claws come back come back come back
fuck i swear to god 50 years from now this is gonna be a hit
but i've got an old shriveled dick that just doesn't work no matter how hard you know he wants to be viagra man now related things uh a continence man you know doesn't wake up with a wet bed
he's a character who's so regular he is 95 so like it really isn't that unusual to have a family
friend or someone like that managing your house at that age you know like not defending i don't know how how lucid he is well like stan lee also isn't
defending it because he's he's filed a restraining order against this man to to try to escape his
his clutches that could have been done in an ambient stupor for all we uh well he didn't
call him uh an n-word or anything like that, so... Oh, not like that. So much for the Ambien theory.
It makes you racist.
It absolutely does.
Ambien makes you so goofball out of your mind.
Like, it really does.
I mean...
Of course.
I'm just poking fun.
That sucks to be a 95-year-old guy who invented the story behind all these huge movies that
you're getting a pittance relatively for, and then to have your manager controlling what Ritz flavors you can buy
and not letting you get the sodas you want.
You're too old for beer.
But no one seems to be on my team when I do the inverse
and say Bill Cosby and Walter Frey had wonderful lives
because they weren't fucked until the very end.
Well, no one has murdered all of Stanley's family,
and he hasn't been disgraced and blinded by the Lord.
And Walter Frey isn't real.
These are all valid points.
Still, Walter Frey led his version of a dream life.
Bill Cosby loved to put the bills in the people and didn't get busted until he's old and done.
They're still not done with his ass.
He thinks he's done. They'll keep him
alive. He's like
in the movies when they're like, oh, we're going to keep you alive
for a long, long time
while we torture you. That's Bill Cosby.
We're not letting him
fade away. Didn't he already get convicted?
Yeah. That was the story a while ago.
They're going to probably let him
on house arrest or something, right?
I hope not. He's not so old he looks older than
stan lee yeah he looks he looks his eyes have faded away and like like like an old
fucking oh he's got 16 year old dog eyes i'm just gonna say that's great yeah i'm looking
for pictures of him he looks great you would think stan lee could call on some of these marvel
actors to come and help him out
if someone's roughing him up and holding him hostage, though, right?
Yeah, but most of them have got shit to do.
They're filming the Marvel movies.
He can call Hawkeye.
Jeremy Renner, come over and rough that guy up for him.
Hey, if you're not making another bomb recovery movie Can you pop on over and help me out?
Did you see the new movie that he
What's his name, Jeremy Renner?
Tag? Tag looked great
Have you seen the trailer for Tag?
It has music in it, so I can't show it
If you haven't heard the premise of this
It's based on a real story
This is a thing
A guy and his, what, four or five friends
Do this thing where For the month of may they play tag
and it sounds lame but one of them has literally never been it and it went on for like a decade
you know just one month a year and he's never been it and he takes it like more seriously than
the rest and it really goes out of his way to avoid putting himself in situations where he
might be tagged and uh i think the point of the movie is to make the guy who's never been it it.
I'm not sure, but it just looked like a fun film.
I want to check it out.
Yeah, it's a really good cast, as Chiz just said.
It's Jeremy Renner, Hannibal Buress, who I really like.
He is the one, by the way, who exposed Bill Cosby.
He's the reason that he came out making all those jokes.
Rashida Jones, who was, of course, in The Office.
Jon Hamm, big fan of him.
Ed Helms, also in The Office.
The Nard Dog.
And I like Isla Fisher a lot.
This is a terrible photograph of her.
It's Anna, but she's very cute in real life.
She's the one who's got a line, something about her ginger pussy or something, even in the trailer.
I think it's an R-rated comedy, which I enjoy.
She's very pretty in this picture, too, I think.
Looks good.
Resting bitch face in this picture,
if you ask me.
She looks like she's smelling the first tenth
of a fart. She's not sure what it is yet, but she's
working through it.
Something's gone wrong.
I don't know what those words are behind her, but they're not Oscars.
It's not the Academy Awards.
She's at the MTV Music Awards, and she's like, why did I have
to come? The Kids' Choice Awards.
She just knows 30 minutes from now she's going to get slimed.
If they slime me this year.
I went through enough of that on the casting couch.
Yes.
So yeah, I'm also
really interested in that movie tag.
It took me a second to put that together, Kyle.
Because of the ejaculate.
After a second,
I did get on the same page.
Come joke. Enough of that
sliming on the casting couch.
I'm like, what is he talking about? Oh, right.
Good joke.
That sounds like a good movie.
It just sounds silly enough
and realistic enough that
it's like you and your friends could,
you know, do something like that if you want it.
It's not totally unreasonable.
Well, it's based on your story, which is interesting.
Yeah, we did dumb stuff like that.
So is American Sniper.
There was a sniper in Afghanistan.
We had some, in my area, so in the air i grew up uh the philadelphia eagles were like the team that
everyone rooted for the football team and uh the giants and the cowboys to some extent were like
the number one enemy team and we used to uh we had some sort of like it must have been a magnet
because it was easy to switch and we put it on each other's cars like a philadelphia i'm sorry
a new york giants magnet to make it look like they rooted for the wrong team. It's a stupid thing, but we would just slip it on there and you'd be like, got me.
Fun.
Yeah, those car-related pranks can be fun.
One of my friends in high school, he didn't like one of the teachers,
so he pulled a really funny prank where he pooped on the hood of his car.
It was a hoot.
There would be DNA analysis.
Yeah, you went to like scat high over there.
It's like all these people, it sounds like there's a lot of scat, scatological stuff going on over there.
It's like three very prolific people.
The three people, like, you know, in South Park when Cartman is the reason, you know, he's the 1% reason that they have to have Jim all day or whatever because he's so fat he ruins their scores.
That's what it was.
If they did a per capita feces, you know, malfeasance per student,
it would look really high.
But it was really just three shit bandits, you know, for the most part.
The main one and then, you know, a couple of miscreants.
I don't recall any poop bandits in my high school.
After your time.
We did have some people getting head in the hallways that was a frequent problem and uh it was funny there were different
outlooks on it right like um head in the hallways yeah well you just be like hey high five i it'd
be in like the stairwell you know so, so like the stairs go up and up.
And there's kind of like a little bit of privacy maybe under the stairs if you convince yourself of it.
And it would be between, you know, it would be during class, of course.
Like it wouldn't be at the time that all thousand students are like roaming the halls.
But, you know, the stairwells are not that busy between or during
the classes so yeah people would go back there and they'd get blow jobs and every so often they'd get
caught and some of the students were like oh my god can you believe it how embarrassing whatever
i i of course never got head uh in the in the hallways but if i was caught it would be like yeah
hallways but if i was caught it would be like yeah i get head sometimes so embarrassed i don't think you'd be like oh no i've finally exactly dancing on this knife edge for so long
i have been ringing a bell and sounding an air horn every time i got head and i can't get caught
yet it finally happened yeah no i i just i i think that I would have a little bit of proud in me if I were to get caught getting head in the stairwell.
Whereas some people would be proud and some would be embarrassed.
The opinions varied.
Yeah, I mean, how could it be that big of a problem when they just post a teacher there?
Hey, get that dick out of your mouth.
Go to class.
Well, there might have been like that dick out of your mouth. Go to class. There might have been eight stairwells
or something. It'd be a lot to post
eight teachers at all the different ones.
The only place
I don't know of anywhere specific
the high school sex stories going on,
I know under one stairwell
where there was a place where they kept
rolled up mats that they would use
in the multi-purpose room. That was one area.
It was only one area, and so
it was pretty rare. And I only heard about it.
I never knew it for sure. And then behind a dumpster
in the back of the school,
which...
It made it a little trashy to be given head
in the stairwell. It's very trashy
to do it close enough to
feel the stickiness of a dumpster
and hear the flies.
Dumpster girls.
Apparently, there were people who had sex repeatedly and didn't get caught like for ages.
There was a costume room, like we had a little theater auditorium.
Does every high school have that?
And there was like a room with just racks of clothes
that they used in various plays.
And people would have sex in that place.
What about you, Kyle?
Where was all the public sex?
There wasn't any public sex. People just
went to a structure
outside of the school. They were able to keep it in their...
Nobody was fucking at school
except for a teacher. There was a
teacher who got caught fucking one of the coaches,
and she was married,
and her son was my age and he
went to school with us and it was a it was a real scandal uh i won't i was about to say the name but
but even now it seems like i shouldn't say but everybody everybody knew everybody knew i mean
there was a divorce immediately after like like the dad divorced her uh did everybody give him
shit or was it like oh don't bring that up to billy yeah no nobody
what name did you just say billy i just made oh you were so close oh my god do you know about this
too and uh um but yeah no we never you know never brought that up to him i'm like 95 sure
that a teacher was fucking one of the female students at my school.
Nice.
They spent so much time together and they would like,
I want to say they even held hands and she was really pretty.
Like,
uh,
she was just fit and she had big boobs and she was pretty and she was kind of alternative,
uh,
in her styling.
And,
um,
yeah,
it sounds like it.
I won't say her name because it's not – I mean, that would be a horrible thing.
I mean, let's get to the bottom of this.
Let's track her down.
I looked at her on Facebook every so often.
It seems like she's living a normal life and such.
Well, message her right now.
And she's still with that teacher.
I don't know.
He was old.
Like that was a thing, too. Like, in terms of, like, the student population, I would place her in the top 10 or 15 percent, like, in terms of hotness, right?
She wasn't, like, that one super girl in the class, but she was at the top of the list.
And the teacher, on the other hand, balding dude, gray hair, like, you know, way fatter than i am you know like like i don't know
how he scored tail that 90 of the kids couldn't teach i i feel like i'm getting into uh specifics
on that some girls they have they have like a daddy fetish right they they want a an older
gentleman yeah but i feel like that daddy fetish is more like a sexy fit attractive
powerful male figure not a literal you know beer gut bowling on wednesday evenings dad
not when they're 16 i would say you don't have to answer like the class itself it was it the
kind of class that would be very difficult for this person to pass independently no she was uh she did fine in school and this
wasn't the hardest class so so yeah i don't think that was related i think that i think they clicked
is what i think but he i think he probably saw an opportunity because he's clearly kind of a predator. Yeah, right? He's not kind of a predator. He's a predator.
Yeah.
So she was
a little more emotionally mature than the other
kids in school, I think. That's my
personal impression of her.
But still, she was like
16, 17.
Nice.
But emotionally mature like a 19-year-old.
That's good enough for me it's she identified as someone who could vote strong opinions about it too
they love hearing that in court hopefully mature for her age or honor but at 16 in jersey i'm
almost positive you can consent so it probably wasn't illegal Unless there's a special thing for teachers
And I know in North Carolina there is
Oh, a bit of a position of power
Yeah
Makes things a bit more complicated
What about substitute teachers?
Could I slide in that way?
This is Kyle, he teaches aerobics
Once a semester
Let's do those squat thrusts I'm... This is Kyle. He teaches aerobics once a semester.
Let's do those squat thrusts.
I'm just gonna get under you so I can watch your form.
No, no.
That ass is far too close to the ground.
When you're doing push-ups, arch the back.
Ass up.
Those shorts are hampering your flexibility.
Let's do panty-robics.
Alright, I'm sure everyone's sore now.
We're going to get out the vibrating massagers.
No, don't do it to yourself.
Help your partner.
Help your partner.
Taylor's good at this.
Don't worry.
I'm only recording for later so I can check on your form.
You're making so much money selling those tapes. For later, so I can check on your form. Oh, man.
You're making so much money selling those tapes.
Speaking of pedophiles,
I guess
a ring of pedophiles,
2,500 individuals were arrested
this week, right?
No.
Well, that's great news.
I first saw it on
Our Conspiracy, which for some reason i
haven't filtered and they're like nobody's talking about it 2300 pedophiles were just arrested
it turns out that this thing has been going on for years and years that those pedophiles have
been arrested over the course of like the last four years or something okay and that it's not a current story it's almost just a current
like media criticism that they're not covering us it is in the u.s yeah and and i guess i don't know
who it is it's one of the federal play so i guess it'd be the fbi who does uh internal stuff as
opposed to the cia and um yeah they have an ongoing operation and they've caught like 2300 people in
the last so many months or years.
And it's just they're always nabbing people.
But they're all part of the same ring, right?
Like that's the deal.
I'm not 100% sure.
So is it like they've caught one guy, and then through his connections they caught another, and it was like a spider web of pedophiles, and they've rounded up 2,300 so far?
I think that's the deal.
Like a mailing list or something like that. Those poor pedophiles. We've rounded up 2300 so far i think that's the deal i got like a mailing list
or something like that those poor pedophiles we feel sorry for them right it wasn't like they
walked in like so what group is renting the amphitheater tonight the pedophile association
my god give us the ticket stubs let's go in there and round them up you say that but nambla actually
does that right the not the north american man Man Boy Love Association. I've never known how
real that is. It's 100% real.
I've never actually looked it up.
Woody's got his card on him now.
What are we talking about, pedophiles? NAMBLA.
NAMBLA.
Woody's member number three. Wow!
He's the treasurer
for NAMBLA.
He's the treasurer.
I don't know much about Nambla.
See, I guess they've investigated 25,000 sexual abuse complaints,
and they've gotten 2,300 pedophiles out of it.
So I guess about 10%.
And 195 of the 2,300, I don't know what I said before,
195 of the 2300,
I don't know what I said before,
but about 200 of the 2300 either had child porn
or committed sexual abuse.
So I don't know what...
But it's like one of those stories
where like,
you know,
it happens all the time
where someone sees a picture
or like graphic
from like five years ago
and they're like,
this is unacceptable.
And they're like,
this happened five years ago
and they're like,
well,
it's still pretty fucked up, right? They're i guess so 70,000 members in the article wow
huh i think that's too many members oh oh so
2300 arrested and only 200 there's any kind of evidence it would seem
and uh that's just i don't know it's smaller than i
expected well you know any any pedophile off the streets is good but that's not quite the story that
it seems like they were initially trying to push uh you know 2300 rounded up from their homes real
quick yeah they made it sound like they just like like like got them all in one fell swoop. They were actually
in, like you said, a conference center.
They were auctioning off children.
Yeah. Is this even
a weird number? If you
took the five years or six years or whatever the time
frame was before this, would it be comparable?
This wasn't all the pedophiles that were
rounded up by the Justice Department in the last five years.
This was all part of one ring.
These guys were all like...
Yeah, but there's more than one metafile ring.
Yeah, exactly.
But what it seems is like these guys have
mailing lists and they're sharing
child pornography back and forth and stuff like that.
I think it's like
if you've got the new
Larry V. Stacy tape
or whatever these guys are into,
it's like having one of the Marvel movies a couple months
early. It's a big to-do.
Is it just one ring? I'm not seeing anything
that says that, though.
If it is just one ring, that must be the thing
that makes it the big story.
I...
Yeah, 70,000
members worldwide, the article says.
Operation Rescue. That's not very creative okay yep well hey we're number one we're never one to poo-poo pedophiles being thrown in jail
i mean we are though right like like i feel i feel like there should be something else
for pedophiles as medicare would say you should be put up against a wall.
I don't know if what Chiz is linking is the same thing.
His thing ended in 2011,
and I'm seeing something about Jeff Sessions commenting on how successful it was.
I don't know if they're the same bust.
I really feel like we're just going off rumors and Reddit memes and shit like that.
That's never stopped us before, and it's not going to stop us now.
Okay.
Well, hey, that's good news.
Did you guys hear that Uber's thinking about ruining their entire business model
by introducing some software or some sort of feature they applied for a patent
that would allow them to spot drunk passengers?
Yeah.
And then the drivers would be able to say,
nay, nay, I'm not going to pick up that drunk passenger.
And it's like, what do you think we're doing this for?
If I'm not drinking, I'm not like,
ah, you know what, I'd rather pay a lot more money to go to the bar with some stranger
who's going to try and talk to me for three minutes
before he figures out I don't want to talk.
And then it's a coin toss
if he talks to me the other 15 minutes.
I would just drive.
I would drive myself home.
Just call Lyft.
That's absurd.
That's the point, right?
A huge part of Uber's business model is picking up drunk people from the downtown drinking areas all around the country and world.
The overwhelming majority of their business is picking up and driving drunk people around.
That's why everywhere that it's used, drunk driving accidents and shit is plummeting.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, Chiz is saying he doesn't know about that, but that's like all of my friends that have ever used it, that's why they're getting together. They'll park their car and leave it there overnight.
Or they'll walk.
If you're sober, a two-mile walk isn't that big of a deal from an apartment to the downtown drinking area.
But once you're wasted, you don't want to stumble all the way back home.
But you're going somewhere.
You're getting wasted.
And then you're getting picked up by an unpronounceable Arabic man and taken back home.
I've lived that experience many a time yeah but i it doesn't sound like it's as dramatic as we're making it out to be right because it
one they're just alerting the driver to choose whether or not they want the drunk person or not
right so it's not like they're ending yes bullshit what if they were what if they were doing that for
any other group of people, right?
We're not saying no Asians.
We're just saying we've got a new camera that can identify an Asian right away.
And if you don't want that dink in your car.
I don't think dink is a thing.
It is a thing.
Dual income, no kids.
It's a thing.
It's not a racial slur.
Yeah, dink isn't something you call a race, is it?
I'm almost positive it is.
It's people who have extra spending money
because they decided not to have children.
Unless there's another meaning I'm not aware of.
I didn't even know that meaning.
I'm learning a lot tonight.
I'm here to help.
It's a racial slur against the Vietnamese.
It was used in movies such as Apocalypse Now and Platoon
to refer to the North Vietnamese.
It comes from the French Vietnamese
beaucoup, dinky dao.
Beaucoup meaning very in French.
And dinky dao is Vietnamese for crazy.
Shortened, dink, just means crazy.
Don't question my racial slur knowledge.
This is my area of expertise.
I literally can't find yours.
All I'm finding is mine.
Dink.
I am finding dink.
Do you have the racial slur database?
No, I'm on Urban Dictionary.
I got it saved right here.
You've linked this to us before.
And I remember looking through it and feeling like,
and I really don't know most of these like the the list of different races you can go with is enormous like on the main
page what are some of your personal favorites kyle some on some unknown ones that maybe our
listeners would like to add to their repertoire on's guess what moon cricket might be.
I'm thinking it's a pale person with a squeaky voice.
Maybe a Scottish person.
Not even close.
No, no.
Wait, Kyle, this is a good game.
You're going to use some, like obscure ones,
and we have to guess what it is or if you're pulling our finger
and it's a made-up one. Because moon cricket cricket you're saying yeah taylor take a take a guess at it because we
hadn't made that rule yet i bet this is a real one and i bet it's for black people it is for black
people you win yes all right it's pretty pretty solid for me i don't get it, though. Yeah, like... I don't know.
Let me look up the etymology, then.
They're not going to have
an etymology page. I hope they do.
I've never heard anyone...
They absolutely do. It's derived from
early slave times when black people would
come out at night and sing slave
songs under the moonlight, like
crickets. Ah.
Yeah, that's not something black people do anymore
but no okay i'll do another one all right uh that one was off the top of my head but now i'm just
going to uh you know use the uh the the racial slur database.org rsdb here's some that just
oh
NASA
this is an acronym
can I hear that in a sentence please
can't go out at night
too many NASA's
alright I'm going to guess this has to do with black people
because I think the first one's an
N-bomb
and outside of that it's's an n-bomb and outside of that asa it's it's
not an n-bomb because that would be using another racial slur in your acronym for racial slur that's
against the rules oh clear clearly you're not familiar with racial reception on the on the
racial slur database.org it's right on the home page all right. Wow. So if it's...
I was so sure that the N was going to be the N-bomb.
NASA.
Taylor, bail me out.
Do you have a guess?
I was going to agree with you.
And so we might be wrong.
We're clearly wrong.
Well, you're actually both right, but for wrong reasons.
It is a North American street ape.
North American street ape. North American street ape.
I feel bad just playing this game.
I'm using the racial slur data.
I also feel bad playing this game.
I'm looking through a few, too.
Squarehead.
A squarehead.
Squarehead.
Now, if you watched the AMC series, what was it where they were building the, it's like, I'm going to find the name of it.
You've got time to think about what a square head is.
Square head's actually not racial.
It's anyone who's joined the army and uses acronyms that they know goddamn well civilians aren't familiar with.
A square head. False.
If you watch that show Hell on Wheels
It's in Chinese.
It is not.
Hell on Wheels.
I have not seen it.
Oh, you're missing out.
It's a western. They're building the
Transcontinental Railroad.
Dealing with Indians And corruption the whole way
And wild west shit
It's got a couple of good actors in it
So what's Squarehead?
Albanian
I would never guess that in a million years
Give us another one
I like coming up with my own meanings
Alright
I got one
Go ahead Taylor
Berry picker.
A Berry Picker.
So this one dates back to caveman times,
and it is a guy who picks berries
because he's afraid of hunting saber-tooths.
I feel like you're not understanding
that we're talking about racism.
That's because you keep describing a lot of behaviors in there.
No, Barry Picker, I just made that one up.
And now my anti-racism against guys who don't hunt has come out.
Carpet pilot.
Ooh.
Oh.
This is a Mexican man
who sits in the back of a van
but there are no seats for him
on the way to the job.
No, it's like Aladdin.
Like you're on your magic carpet ride.
There you go.
It is a racial slur for Arabs.
Yes.
By the way,
I'm scrolling and it's like the list of Arab racial slurs is by far the largest.
Roach Rancher.
Rock Chucker.
Roman Candle.
Rug Merchant.
Rug Pilot.
Rug Rider.
Sand Flea.
Sand Kisser.
Sand Monkey.
Sand Muli.
monkey sand mooly which uh do you i don't know if a mooly is short for moolinyan which is the italian uh slur against uh black people so so that's you got to go a couple steps to get that
one by sand mooly is uh well it's the same idea as san n word uh is san n word on there as a racial
oh it's the next one down. There's a reason.
You know, L-M-N.
But Wings was on the show, dropped that one, and then said it wasn't a racial slur.
Yeah.
Do you remember that?
That was fun.
I don't remember that, but how could you say that?
It's so obviously a racial slur.
He held that belief for so long.
He was like, say a nigger isn't a racist term.
And I was like, it is an incredibly
racist term.
I was like, what if you called Eskimo snow niggers?
You don't think that would be racist?
Of course that's racist. So you're saying this is a racial slur
where if you get rid of the first half,
then it becomes one.
Yeah. But you add that first word, it's
hunky-dory.
Yeah, and again, I don't
think Wings is racist. We we've mentioned on the show before
because someone is racist no he's just ridiculous see the rule is is that if if xbox would let you
use one of these as your gamer tag it's no longer racist because these are so old so some people
define racism with what i think is an overly tight definition and it is that if you believe your race is superior
to another race, that's racist.
But all these other things are not.
They're merely prejudiced. But I would
broaden the definition of racism to include
all kinds of
anger in your heart based on race.
To include prejudism.
According to me.
Let's just get with the times.
You don't have to think that people are worse than you
to be racist. You can just hate them.
There you go.
Yeah, but if you hate them, that's probably
a form of you thinking you're better than them, right?
It probably all comes down to thinking you're better.
People hate people for being better.
Yeah, that's true.
Or for thinking they are better.
Right?
The new...
I don't know if we're done with this, but...
I'm just scrolling, and they go on forever.
Rice eater, rice cooker, rice paddy.
Those are easy.
Rice picker.
I'm going to say they're against...
I was going to say Oriental people,
but I think Oriental in itself is a racial slur.
Yeah, yeah.
That's number 37.
What was I thinking? The Asian people. but I think Oriental in itself is a racial slur. Yeah, yeah. That's number 37. What was I thinking?
The Asian people.
That's for being against Asian people.
Yeah.
Oriental was not a racial slur when I was a kid.
How about this one?
Grape smasher.
Oh.
Or grape stomper.
I'm going to say anti-Italian.
French?
What if he gets a point in his column there? There you go. I'm going to say anti-Italian. French?
What if he gets a point in his column there?
There you go.
Swamp kike?
That's not what she is.
That's not.
No, it's not.
What's a swamp kike? This is one dude downloading all of the things he's thought of into a database.
Yeah, sure.
We call Italian people SpaghettiOs.
There's a whole list of ones for Australian Aboriginals,
which we've established aren't actual people.
Abco, which is Aboriginals being alcoholics.
Abo, which is short to aboriginal of course bludger uh bludger or
more accurately dole bludger in australian slang is someone who doesn't work and relies on the
money doles you know like doling out the money it is a stereotype that all mediterraneans and
aboriginals of the of australia are bludgers boomersers, boongs, boories, bumps. Chromers,
chromers. I'm guessing,
I haven't looked yet, but I'm guessing they call them chromers
because they huff paint
and they end up with like,
let's see, the majority
of Abbo's sniff paint from a
Coca-Cola bottle commonly known
as chroming.
Eucalyptus.
They use the N-word as much as they can. A eucalyptus. They use the N word as much
as they can. A eucalyptus
nigger.
It's a native plant. Oh, man.
Fabbo.
Fountain swimmer. Oh, homeless
aboriginals are often
spotted bathing and swimming in public
fountains during the summer months.
So they call them fountain swimmers.
Goon Ninja. A stealthy abo who goes around stealing goon I don't know what goon is I'm gonna
pretend like a spelling g-o-o-n a goon ninja a Jaffa the voice from the joke
that all labos steal red cars black black only inside red on the outside just like the airbag
No, just like the candy jaffa cakes, okay, yeah here is
This one you're not gonna get someone doesn't make sense to make cleaning lady. Oh
Is that Mexicans?
That's why it's curveball. it says here and this guy seems to be
the reigning expert that that is for poles polish polish ah they're the cleaning ladies of europe
yeah and that's a regional thing for sure like different areas have different groups that are
relegated to a certain sort of menial task i suppose suppose. I'm learning a lot. Well, that's why I subscribe to the newsletter.
Oh, how about Bloodsucker?
Oh, Jews.
Oh, think. Bloodsucker.
A bloodsucker.
It's not vampire, right?
No.
No, that's not a race.
Well, not anymore.
Not anymore, not after Van Helsing swept him.
But yes, you're on the right track, that kind of illusion.
Wait, I'm on the right track?
Yeah, an illusion to like a vampire kind of thing.
Is it women?
Austrians.
No, Romanians.
You were close.
I guess that's where they're most into Dracula. It says Dracula
was a Romanian.
Vlad Dracul.
Commie for Russians.
Everyone would have guessed that.
That's not even
specifically then.
Yeah, we should be calling the Chinese
commies. Rubelhead.
That's so stupid.
Fodcalkey.
There was a whole category for African Americans,
and I'm scrolling down.
The category for just blacks is equally enormous.
Like, they are not fucking around.
Brillo pad?
That's a little on the nose.
I mean, none of these are tasteful.
No.
No, they're not.
I guess that's fine.
They wouldn't have made it on the nose. I mean, none of these are tasteful. No, no, they're not. I guess that's...
They wouldn't have made it in the DB.
This guy's thorough vetting process would have kept them out.
I'm noticing square head in a lot of these.
Like, now it says Scandinavians are square head.
Hmm.
A herring choker.
I like a square head.
I think it's an attractive head shape. Scottish. A McNugget. A herring choker. I like a square head.
I think it's an attractive head shape.
A Scottish.
A McNugget.
A Hagastani.
A Hagastani.
Oh, these are good.
So, wing surgery is quickly approaching. I may lose $5.
I'm starting to think that he's telling the truth on this.
Yeah, get ready to dole that out.
I would like it in doubloons.
It's not a real currency.
It's a real coin, though.
All the comings and goings of him.
Like, where is he at now?
So, he was quick to point out that PKA was very wrong about his date.
I never gave a date.
I think Woody may have been a bit inaccurate about the date.
I want to address that because he was kind of harsh about it.
The truth is Kitty gave out a date on her Twitter and said that it was set.
I think it was July 13th.
I'll say it.
Fuck it because they did. And I think it was July 13th. I'll say it. Fuck it, because they did.
And I think Wings confirmed that date. And then on PKA, I made a mistake because I thought it was
June 13th. And it was 12th or 13th, something like that. So I was repeatedly saying, and because I
had the date wrong, I had a couple other things wrong, like how long he had to recover from the
MRSA infection.
It was like, man, I think this is a real problem because at the time it was like it was nine days away or something.
So I was off by a month,
but the way that he addressed it made it seem like...
Seemed like we were just making things up.
Like I had invented it or something.
Yeah.
Of course, that's how he makes things up.
Well, fast approaching.
July 12th is the surgery date it would seem.
And I don't know.
I'm just making this up.
So here's me making a thing up, okay?
Here's the difference.
I like to believe that Dr. Garcia was like,
okay, the surgery is coming up very soon.
You want to shave the surgical area in preparation for the operation.
I like to imagine that that's what Dr. Garcia
said, and Wings just got confused
and shaved his whole head
and beard with a razor.
And now he looks like
a milk dud. Now he looks like a
thumb. He looks awful.
It's just terrible.
But why would...
If it's not until a a month from now why would
the surgeon tell you to shave he's he made that uh i'm making that up as i said before i started
i'm making this up um but but here is a little little little little image that one of um the
incredibly talented photoshop experts over over on Reddit made for us.
This is Wings as a thumb person.
So you don't know it, but I'm currently showing...
That's from Spy Kids.
I'm currently showing an actual Wings.
So this is what Wings looks like right now, the truth.
And this...
Whoa.
Now I'm showing what you linked.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't be confused.
He doesn't actually have hands and feet of thumbs.
Oh, this sucks.
Oh, man.
One of the new little memes that's taken hold on his streams is his squeaky chair.
They're getting so obscure
and into the weeds with this now.
The chair squeaks really loudly
whenever he pivots and moves around.
They're donating money for it.
They're like, grease that chair!
Donated $3.27.
Thanks, buddy.
He got trolled really hard yesterday
by a child and
started yelling and cursing and that was fun.
I look forward
to him getting the surgery, though. He says
that he's been drinking nothing but these
protein drinks.
These little pre-made milkshake
things that are like, I don't know,
200 calories or something each.
He says he's lost over 20 pounds
recently.
That's great.
And I think he's saying that one of the reasons he's so irritable and stuff
is because he's not eating.
He's hungry all the time.
That makes sense.
I like it when he breaks out the happy pills.
So I don't watch his streams very much.
But the highlight videos, I swear,
I haven't even subscribed to any of the highlight video channels.
But because I watch them all,
YouTube knows that I secretly want to
and keeps suggesting them from me.
And yeah, he takes it and he's just like,
shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it.
I just shook salt all over myself like an idiot.
But I did.
Anyway, yeah, and you hear it like rattle, rattle, rattle,
and it's pretty funny.
He's like, these are my happy pills, and he throws it in there.
So it's fun.
I enjoy, I guess I only watch the stream secondhand,
but I think they're great.
Did you see, I guess Drifter was in a video
or something speaking, and he said that when he was at
E3 recently that everybody,
all of the content makers, are watching
Wings videos. They're watching the troll videos.
I read that that was the
case. I didn't see him say it.
I believe it.
The only one who pretends he doesn't know
is Ice. It gets
put on Ice's streams every so often,
and he's always pretending he's completely oblivious to the Wing situation.
Don't know why.
Huh.
Even I don't forget that much.
That's crazy.
But Wing says people don't understand how much hate he gets
and how much he has to deal with,
and that it continues when he's not streaming.
It's not like he can just close the computer they're calling his house and they're making
videos and it's just a non-stop barrage and i'm coming around to wings's side on this like he is
i think he's taking more heat than i did at my worst and i thought i took a lot you know even
now if you type woody's gamer tag into youtube, it's all, not all, but it's mostly my worst moments.
But man, he puts up with a lot.
He does it to himself.
There's some truth to that.
If your phone gets compromised, change the number.
It's not that expensive or difficult to do.
It's literally a phone call away.
It's kind of difficult because
you don't just change...
Changing your number is easy. Getting people
to call your new number is a challenge.
Who's calling him? Come on. Apparently
it's his grandmother's
doctors who use that number.
Now that could be... How many doctors does she have?
She's not like a billionaire who's got
a staff of doctors. It's like...
Kyle, there's a whole network of opioid dealers.
Suppliers.
Yeah, suppliers who fund the family business.
You can't just change your number.
You'll shut down the whole gangster granny cartel if you change that number.
She can't let them know about each other.
It's very tricky.
But yeah, anyway, Wings is taking a lot of heat.
I feel for Wings more so than ever.
And you're right.
There's some of it self-imposed, but people used to say that about me.
Like, oh, Woody, the reason they DDoS you so much is that you react to it.
I guess.
I mean, Taylor reacted to it, right?
You know, like everyone gets reacted when they're shut down Taylor was super funny
Like who am I I'm nobody of consequence
It was a highlight
I don't know
Wings does take
A lot of heat and I have some empathy
For it I'm also
Guilty of it I've got a bet that he won't
Take a surgery they won't do the surgery
So I'm not innocent but
You're gonna to lose.
I think I am going to lose.
Here's what I think is going to happen.
My bet is set in stone.
So that's aside from this.
But what I predict now, if I were to bet, I think he'll get the surgery.
I think he'll actually do this.
I think he'll lose a lot of weight.
I don't know what he'll look like 10 years from now but
he is going to get praise and adulation as wing starts looking different as his as his jaw and
chin start to emerge as he clearly shrinks i he may have a whole nother round of you know money
coming his way for the skin removal surgery that will make him look that much better.
I want...
I think he's getting the surgery that's just
the band around his stomach instead
of getting his stomach cut out, which is what he always says.
Oh, I thought he was doing the boogie. Like the boogie surgery.
I could be wrong, but...
You know, I don't
think he's getting the boogie one. I think he's getting the one that can be
reversed or whatever.
And it's really like the one foot in, one foot out kind of surgery for getting this thing done.
But I was really hoping they were going to cut the stomach out.
I was going to see if I could acquire it.
Because you ever see those things where they make the world's largest frittata?
Or like the biggest burrito ever?
I wanted to make the world's largest haggis.
And what better place to start
than Wing's stomach,
right?
I mean, I don't see any fault.
Based on everything I know about stomach haggis,
that seems right.
What do you think a prime stomach goes for?
How much would you offer? You obviously
couldn't just ask for it for free.
50, 60,000 pesos.
That's
dozens of dollars.
About 350.
Haggis is, of course,
a sheep stomach
stuffed with other meats and stuff
and then boiled and then you eat it.
But we would do this
with wing stomach, which has been marinating
for
32 years now.
It would be delicious.
Isn't the band
the one that fails
all the time?
I don't fucking know.
The lap band?
I don't think he's getting the lap band.
I don't know anything about these surgeries.
It seems like the stomach
excising one is the one to do.
It seems like the hardest excising one is the one to do. It seems like the hardest to beat.
Taylor, one, it seems like that one is the longest lasting, right?
This is a tool.
Even when they remove the stomach, the tube that replaces the stomach can eventually stretch and become a stomach of sorts, I've heard.
I don't have any expertise in it, but I don't know why people would choose
anything but the good one.
Is it that much cheaper?
Are the complications that much lower?
I think that's the danger.
I think that it's permanent to some extent.
This is what he said.
He said he didn't want that one
because he would never, ever be able
to have a normal meal again.
He would never, ever be able to... I don't meal again he would never ever be able to like
i don't know about you but when i'm eating any meal i have a drink with me with now most people
drink water i think it seems for some reason but but i i enjoy a nice soda and uh and not it seems
i'm not sure if he can ever drink soda again because of the carbonation expanding inside of
his his tummy and and i think one of
the things is like maybe he wouldn't be able to he has to eat like little bits at a time if he
gets the one where the stomach cut out and and he would have to basically do that forever more
and uh i think his his hope is that he loses all of this weight and then he can kind of go back to
like a normal kind of eating regimen at some point in the next couple
of years or something like that rather than being 55 years old and still like eating three ounces
at a time it reminds me of alcoholism like so here's the thing in america when someone is an
alcoholic they say you need to not drink at all right that's it alcohol is removed from your life
you're done you are forever an alcoholic.
You're just someone who's fighting against it.
I'm told that outside of America,
they want people to stop drinking like an alcoholic
and start consuming a normal thing.
You can have two drinks.
You can even have three,
but you need to stop there.
And they don't make them go so cold turkey.
I don't know what's better,
but I don't think that Wings
is ever going to be that European recovered alcoholic.
I think that if you give him the ability to misuse food, he will.
I think that's all person to person.
People who get addicted to those prescription painkillers, like Steve-O, he won't even take Advil now when he gets grievously injured and shit.
He's like, no, I can't do anything.
I can't even be around the keyboard duster section at Office Depot or whatever.
He didn't say that.
But he has to be that far away from this shit because otherwise he knows he will fall back into it.
Other people, maybe they get addicted to it for a few months after they're on a surgery.
And then five years later, they're like, oh, you know what?
I can do this again.
I can do one.
I think, based on my knowing nothing, the wing should recognize he's Steve-O and not whatever, some normal person, Brett Favre or, you know, person who beat it.
But eating so hard because you can't just say never going to eat again.
Like never going to do it.
Because if you're that addicted, like you're gonna just end up
shoveling it down into your stomach and it'll rupture i i feel like you should be snobby about
food now this isn't about kyle because kyle's always had his physique under control but when
i see a heavy person drink soda oh my gosh i start judging hard really hard it's like well
there's your problem right there you know yeah, I've got a good one for this.
When I was at Busch Gardens this past week, I was in line getting some food.
And I turned around and I jumped out of the way because I thought that a VW bug was barreling towards me.
But it was just a really overweight woman.
And she had her tray.
And you could get a burger. You could get chicken tenders.
You can get all these different individual entrees.
She had a giant bucket. this this one was enormous like there's no way she was walking around this this park that much she was the person i was talking about on pkn who would turn in their
once an hour meal card you know and actually do it she had a burger a giant thing of fries like
a family size thing of fries an enormous soda and then skewered into the top of her burger
as though it was classy like you
the way you'd like put an olive in something yeah we're four chicken tenders skewered into the top
of her burger and it was like like turning around like i had to do like a double take
and just see this person like wow you really don't give a fuck do you like you you really
you know what you're doing right now and you don care, and you don't care that all of these people are watching you right now.
Like, everybody, everybody else had one entree and didn't, like, even get a side.
Like, people, I think I got, like, a cup of grapes with my burger because I was like, if I get fries, I'll really be a fat fuck today, won't I?
Oh, that's good.
No, it wasn't enough for her.
So, like, that's the kind of addiction that, like, I mean, she's probably worse than wings, but yeah, who's to say?
Soda's a huge no-no if you're even borderline.
I mean, I drink fucking diet
soda, but I saw...
I see children with 20 ounce...
In the South, maybe especially.
I see children with
these 20 ounce Mountain Dews.
Their mom handing each
child...
The child is so small, or at least young, I'll say, because they're fat as fuck,
that they're holding the Mountain Dew with two hands.
You ever see a porno where the chick has to double hand the cock?
Of course.
They're double handing this 20 ounce Mountain Dew because they're so goddamn tiny.
And they're just like...
Sucking it down.
Mom, my foot's tingly again shake it out honey
they're fucking it's disgusting when i see that like it it it's a little i i react to it the same
way i do like if i see like child abuse like if i if i were to see the mom like backhand the kid
or something like that like slap the piss out of the kid completely normal behavior yeah you know like if they spilt milk or something it's
understandable but i'm talking about for just every day just you know the child the child
spoke when it wasn't supposed to and just getting a whack like a like you but you're totally right
like when i see a really really fat kid i feel terrible for them because they're so young. They don't know what's going on.
Like they just eat what they're given, you know.
Like that kid can't go to 7-Eleven and buy himself Cheetos and stuff.
It's because the mom and dad are keeping that stuff around and encouraging it.
And it's like this is its own kind of form of child abuse.
You're making lifelong decisions for this kid just kind of through, you know, not.
Well, I guess it is kind of neglectful to have a morbidly obese child and just be letting that happen i'd like to have an honestly
converse an honest conversation with a really fat person right someone who's four or five hundred
pounds and ask them what they ate right because whenever i've gained weight it's not like i ate
a half a gallon of ice cream it's that there was any ice cream in my diet if i can
wait it's a a pound every two months and then you let that go a year and you've gained six pounds
and you let that go for four years and you've gained 24 pounds and all of a sudden you're like
wowsers you know it's pretty heavy yeah when you weigh 500 pounds are you really chomping down on
a whole half gallon of ice cream are you eat are you routinely asomping down on a whole half gallon of ice cream? Are you routinely
as a daily thing
eating a sick stack of pancakes
or the kinds of things we're thinking
they eat? Or are they just
gaining a pound a month
for a couple years in a row?
It's progressively more difficult to gain a pound a month
as you get bigger like that.
Because you have to support all that
fat that you're carrying around with more and and more calories it's it's it's a sliding scale so yeah absolutely
like like they eat they eat half a gallon of ice cream a day or a sick stack of pancakes like that's
not even that crazy honestly like they're doing insane they're doing way more than that yeah like
multiple meals like that a day like four meals a a day, each of them consisting of 1,500 to 3,000 calories.
They're crushing 8,000 to 12,000 calories a day if they're 500 pounds.
Yeah, if you are 500.
And a lot of that might be soda.
Well, you can drink so many more calories than you can eat with soda.
Yeah.
Not even close.
You can guzzle down a 20-ounce Mountain Dew in no time at all, and that's
probably a whole burger worth of calories.
It doesn't even fill you up.
And it's cheap. It's a dollar.
That's why Mexico's the fattest country on Earth.
It's all that soda, all the Coke.
The caritos.
It says that a 500-pound man who's 5'10
and 30
will have to eat
5,252 calories a day to maintain his current weight.
So if he eats any less than that, he'll slowly begin to cut weight.
5,000.
That's, I wouldn't want to eat 5,000 every day, but I sure would enjoy a 5,000 calorie
day, right?
Yeah, because like a really good meal is like 2800 calories if you ask me like a really
good meal is like two or three sodas uh like a big steak uh you're gonna get thirsty because this is
this this meal is full of sodium there's gonna be a baked potato there's gonna be a giant steak
there's gonna be dessert afterwards there's gonna be some kind of an appetizer like i don't know
some sort of like some big onion rings rings fried. Gigantic. Yeah, like a Bloomin' Onion
type situation. I like Outback Steakhouse
a lot. I really do.
I haven't been there in maybe a year,
but every time I go, they're like,
would you like a Bloomin' Onion or perhaps some
Aussie cheese fries? And I'm like, yes.
Which, I said yes.
I want them both.
I love that shit. That orange sauce
that the Bloomin' Onion comes with
is so goddamn good.
They bring the ranch
or American sauce, as it's known
internationally, for the Aussie cheese fries.
Ranch is called American sauce?
Yeah.
I've never heard of that.
The more you know.
Something I'll never use.
Or maybe if I go across the pond,
you can ask for American sauce.
It would be like, what you were saying,
you'd like to have a 5,500 calorie day or whatever.
That's 11 Big Macs in a day.
Do you think you would want to eat 11 Big Macs?
No.
I would have to get my calories from something else.
A stack of pancakes
covered with maple syrup i think that gets you pretty far and i would enjoy it but it but it
doesn't get you nearly as far as you think you have to use a lot of butter too all right all
right i accept your terms twist my arm taylor i'm down with that no i i never get pancakes without
like the the side items though like i want i want a triple stack of pancakes and I want a large
order of hash browns and I want scrambled eggs
with cheese and I want three strips of bacon and three
sausage links
that's breakfast yeah and then you're gonna have to
have eaten like a hobbit all day that same
meal to get to you know
6,000 calories or whatever it is
there's a big meal coming from you'll have to have 11 C's
mmm
yeah dinner supper the whole
gamut of them i'm just a little hungry because i've been eating well again not that well but well
yeah i've been eating like an asshole because i was on vacation i i put it on my twitter uh
because i felt like people were were like i think he's like he plays up his crab eating for a bit
you know for for the show of it i'm'm like, I'm going to document this.
So I went to this place.
They had a one pound order and a one and a half and a two pound.
And I ordered my two pound one.
And I was like, this is great.
Put it on my Twitter.
I was like, that wasn't enough.
I want a third and a fourth pound.
So I ordered those.
They came out.
I was still feeling a little touchy.
I wanted a little more crab.
Missouri, not known for their crabs.
Unless it's the STD kind.
So I ordered a fifth and a sixth pound.
And I ate all that.
And I documented it all.
So I had six pounds of crab on Saturday.
So you weren't alone, though.
Did she eat any of these crabs?
No.
I think she had one or two pieces
where if I broke it and got a pretty
good one i'd be like yeah try it like give it a go she's like oh that's really good but she already
had her meal and was not you know i think she had to sit there for like an hour after she had
finished eating as you run swanson to all the crabs in the place you know the last time the
lady came by like the coleslaw and the potatoes were untouched because I'm not there for coleslaw and potatoes.
I can get those anywhere.
She's like, do you even want me to bring the sides, hon?
I'm like, no.
She's like, all right.
I like her.
Some pattern recognition out of that waitress.
It was the two pounds of crab were market price.
And so it was a bit of a gamble to order six pounds of it before the check came, but it was worth it.
So, so good.
That's how I like to do my crab.
I eat enormous amounts.
What kind of crab?
Snow crab.
My favorite.
That's like the sweet kind.
Yeah.
You know, I use the butter as much because you don't need it.
You know, every like, you know, eight bites, ten bites, I'll get a good scoop of butter.
But other than that, I just eat it regular.
I just love it. Look, I like get a good scoop of butter. But other than that, I just eat it regular. I just love it.
Look, I like snow crab. That is the best crab.
But I still think of it as kind of just
in the same way that sometimes
french fries are just ketchup shovels, crab
could be butter shovel. For a lot of people, they are.
I really like crab. I like crab too.
I like crab like the meat i like crab too i like crab dip
i uh i ordered i got a whole like container of crab dip the other day and i ate it in one sitting
yeah crab dips pretty good crab cakes are good too but i like to work for it i like the experience
i like to see the look on the face of the person as i order the fifth and the sixth pound of crab
and the disgust is is slowly accumulating on the torso and every once in a while you get a good crack and a little
bit spritzes onto them you know everybody's part of the experience your hand smells like
well the sea for like a day and you have the foulest low tide shit like 40 minutes after
you finish eating not longer than that obviously but yeah it's it's a good time i enjoyed
it what what are we looking at here buddy oh this is just a you know i i one of my favorite things
is when fat women uh overestimate their grip strength uh and this is and you know they try
to like swing on a rope swing or something and immediately they can't hold on to it because
they had no idea what kind of grip
strength that required they'd never like attempted to pull up or anything like that this is different
though this is kind of the exact opposite of that this is a fat man who overestimated the strength
of the tree that the swing was attached to and it just collapses and he falls in the water it's
he's got a lot of rolls there that's a a big boy. I would say he's 375,
something like that. When you get to a
critical mass subway, it's really hard
to peg it. Yeah.
I'm just going by the displacement of the
lake.
God, that levee in the background burst.
It's a crocodile fleeing.
I have a theory
about the fat girl thing and here it is it's
because these overweight women who severely under overestimate their grip strength grip strength
i think they weren't always that fat i think it was like they could do it when they were 16
and now they're 24 not realizing what the last eight years have done to them.
And they're like, yeah, I'll give it a go.
This is a thing that I can do.
But no, when you get fat, some abilities are just removed from your arsenal without being told.
And hanging from a rope is one of them.
You should have some kind of self-awareness though, right?, when that fell down on him, it's not a giant tree.
It's the kind of tree that if I were his size, I would have been like, maybe let's not.
I don't know if that can handle with my girth.
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I did not get the knife-making kit.
I instead got the knife.
I didn't want to make a knife,
but it came with that enormous chopping block and a knife sharpener
and a very nice knife that I've been using every time I cook
and some Band-Aids just in case.
And I have cut myself, so it was good.
That's great.
So they had you covered even in first aid.
It's like a fucking razor blade.
High quality knives.
I can't wait for my survival kit
to arrive.
I'm going to, well, put it
in my bug-out bag.
First I have to make a bug out bag.
But once I make one, it's going in there, believe you me.
It looks really high quality.
I kind of know a lot of the kind of guys who actually have bug out bags.
I knew you would.
I got to say, so stupid.
So fucking stupid.
Like, it, so, I can't. So fucking stupid. it so I can't
tell me what's stupid about it
what are you bugging out from right
what if I quick have to murder someone
and then go on the lam
do you
I'll need some
band-aids and
trail mix well you just
nailed why those people are fucking morons
because if you are so likely
in your eyes to go into a rage and kill
someone that you have
a bug-out bag, then you're a fucking
moron anyway.
That's not the only reason. That's just one reason.
Second-degree murder exists for a reason.
It's not always premeditated. Maybe Woody just
has a bad day, gets cut off.
And you're not going to have time to throw together some trail
mix and a handgun.
And the things that are in these bug-out bags
are never effective.
That could take seconds, Kyle.
Right?
The things that are in the bug-out bag are never effective.
Like a legit bug-out bag will presumably have
fake passports and $10,000, $20,000 in cash
and a handgun.
And maybe some prepaid credit cards
and stuff like that
like a burner a burner phone yeah maybe some hair dye a razor and and a fake mustache you know
little disguise yeah sure tail's gonna be the guy with the fedora buggered out oh no that guy you're
referring to would never wear a hat like this he's got us do i look like a pedo to you oh wait actually
yeah it's so stupid it's just it falls into the same category of like gun guys who are just
playing army which i also think is really pathetic like to the point where they've got like
like uniforms and stuff they wear and the stuff they have is
less practical than it
is just pretending to be something
that they always wanted to be or something that
they used to be that they can no longer be.
It's just silly
and lame if you ask me.
The things should have practical
uses and it should end there. As soon as you go
above and beyond that, then it's just cosplay.
My opinion on this, and I want you to tell me if you think I'm right because you're more in touch with the community.
It seems like a lot of the people who spend a ton of time and money and effort on doomsday prepping or bugging out or what have you,
aren't really loving the real world.
You know, like, I'm in fucking debt.
You know, my wife sucks or whatever.
I want to have a different life.
So I'm going to prepare for this imaginary apocalypse that might come.
And when that comes, I'm king of the world.
If we could just get an apocalypse, step one.
Step two is me being a warlord
That runs this god damn state
You know
And I'm just like man dude
You'd be so much better investing into yourself
So that you would succeed in real life
Instead of storing
Three years worth of food
Yeah some of these guys look like they haven't run
They couldn't run 5k
Right now like a charity fund run They couldn't run 5k right now like a charity
fun run they wouldn't be able to get through it but they've got you know 60 grand in nonsense
that they you know some special flashlight like because it's one of those like hobbies that like
you build over time and they end up with like hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of like
the bunker and the food and like i i see them buying five
gallons of honey at a time because honey lasts forever i the thing you've mentioned in the past
kyle i think was the shipping containers yeah like you could bury that somewhere if you live
like in a rural area like on the property and then i don't know how you would do it but like
jerry rig your air and filtration and your water from a a well or something. That seems like the only way to do it and conceal the whole
thing. There's
plans online you can
download, you can view, you can watch
YouTube videos on how to do it. But yeah, you dig a pit,
you put the big
it's like the boxcars that go on the back
of a train in the ground
or on those big shipping ships.
You know, you bury
it under there and there's whole plans for how to have a bunk bed
and food storage.
There's even plans where they take multiple of those shipping containers
and connect them together with bulkheads connecting each one,
and one of them is a living area, and one of them is a kitchen area
and all that stuff.
What do you
think is gonna happen like i i try not to look down on people's hobbies right knock yourself out
you collect like i don't know anime figurines or something like yeah but in general i feel like
hobbies that are based on owning things are kind of dumb you Audiophiles fall under that category to me.
These speakers cost $150,000
and they are better than these $400 speakers
in ways that the human ear can hardly register.
I'm thinking, well, that's just a dumb hobby.
That speaker is about owning a thing.
Collectors in general, stamps, et cetera etc man like i wish your hobby was about doing
things instead of just collecting things yeah and to some extent it to some extent it matters like
how much these things hold their value right like okay you've got a stamp collection that you could
flip tomorrow for a hundred thousand dollars all right i mean that's it's probably appreciating
about the same as like you know
it wouldn't your bank account maybe or maybe what a 401k would do maybe maybe not but that's your
thing and you've got them now and you might as well hold on to them or our guns are even like
that to some extent like you know but the people who have like silly hobbies that include collecting things that depreciate in value, like figurines or magic cards.
Hey, that's for a game.
I'm not buying it so I can go,
oh, 401k, I don't put anything in there.
This is my future.
Like, I'm not, like, doing that.
It's just a fun game.
But, like, Beanie Babies, remember that in the 90s?
Beanie Babies?
You didn't play a game with Beanie Babies.
No, you did.
There were people who, like in the late 90s
when McDonald's was giving those out,
that were like, it was in the news and shit,
of like, oh, these things are going to be worth
a ton! These are going to be worth
a ton! Like, I had a friend,
not a friend, an acquaintance at school who was weird and was really
into them, always talking about how much they were going to
be worth, and they were worth nothing you know what else mcdonald's
did poise mcdonald's did the 101 dalmatians promotion and there were 101 little dalmatian
toys that they came so there you had to you had to order if you if you nailed it perfectly with
your happy meal ordering you had to buy 101 goddamn Happy Meals.
So your child is obese as fuck, right?
And over like a period of a month, right?
You got to be like three or four Happy Meals a day to make this happen.
I remember us trying to get all those goddamn Dalmatians.
And I don't know.
It must have been seven, nine, somewhere in there.
And even then, I was like, I don't think anybody's going to buy these from us.
These all look pretty similar.
This one's got three spots
instead of four. I don't see it.
I don't see it.
It's not going to happen.
As long as we can sell it for greater than or equal to
the price of 101
Happy Meals.
Imagine talking to the Surly McDonald's
person having to repeatedly hand it back for like
order 75. No, no, not this one
either. I wanted Pongo.
Yeah, I wanted Pongo.
You don't have Pongo? Alright, we're going across town
to the other one. Maybe the one on Springfield
will have it. Mom, I'm hungry.
Yeah, well that's...
Yeah, I agree with you. Any kind of hobby where you can buy
your way in
isn't as impressive like like stamps like if if bill gates decided to right now he could be like
you know i want to be a stamp collector no scratch that i want to be the most prolific stamp collector
in the history of the world i'm going to go on amazon and ebay and by you know 20 minutes from
now i will be you can buy it all up whereas Whereas the doomsday thing, even though it's silly,
you're staying active, you're doing something
that ostensibly has a little bit of use.
If something happened,
you can crawl into your shipping container
and eat your creamed corn.
If a tornado's coming, right?
You could potentially use it as a storm
shelter or maybe a safe
room.
StupidD often thinks that
my emergency supplies are so critical to have in the case of an emergency that whatever emergency
i have doesn't qualify you know like like oh yeah does anyone else ever do that like like yeah it's
like the that's like the skyrim guy the guy playing skyrim and he never uses the potion yeah like
that's a meme. He's like,
oh, this is a tough fight, but I better
save this potion for a really tough
fight. And then the potion just sits
in your inventory forever, and you never actually use it.
I'm not one of those players, though. I burn those things
the fuck up.
I'm definitely leaning towards that
kind of player, where I'm like, oh, this fight
would be really easy. Nah, but I need
it. And then you end the game, and you have 360 potions you know 360 potions like ah maybe i was a little too frugal but speaking
of skyrim there's some big news yeah speaking skyrim uh this is this is a fun a funny little
video with uh i can't tell key and peel apart um that doesn't make me racist does it but this is
one of them um but it's the black one and uh that's where you got
right and uh this is uh this is a little skyrim very special edition uh video i this just tells
me this is this is funny i think i know where it's headed already but uh but yeah i want to watch this
ready set play scrolls speak of the past and the future.
Now Skyrim looks to the future, to its ultimate version.
Alexa, play Skyrim.
You're level 57 and see a tall snowy mountain.
Climb it.
Now Skyrim and life become one.
A mud crab scuttles towards you.
Fus Ro Dah!
I didn't catch that.
Fus Ro Dah!
I didn't quite catch that.
Fus Ro Dah!
Your shout echoes all the way to Sovngarde.
What happened?
Fus Ro Dah.
That's the command for knocking things over.
Is there a command for picking shit up?
Ever reach that level yet?
I'm sworn to carry your burdens.
Ooh.
The dragon unleashes fire breath on you.
Okay.
A video that works in audio.
Oh, shit.
I drink a health potion.
You are out of health potions.
Oh, how many wheels of cheese do I have left?
473.
Okay, I eat all the cheese.
I eat all of the cheese.
All of it.
Um, remember what the doctor said about dairy?
Yes.
Right, yes, of course.
You're the greatest.
Thank you so much.
I ate all of the cheese.
Introducing Skyrim.
Very special edition.
Also coming soon to Etch-a-Sketch.
Motorola Pagers.
Oh, shit. And your Samsung smart refrigerator.
East Slanus.
Oh, that's cool.
That's really cool.
I like that.
That's actually good, yeah.
I wasn't expecting that to be a spy.
Yeah, it's, of course, making fun of the fact that, for some reason,
Bethesda's really shit in the bed right now.
I know they teased the next elder scrolls game but they just keep making these special editions for i don't know an eight-year-old
game how fucking old is is skyrim now like i remember playing that shit on xbox 360 like i
guess the requirements aren't so high anymore like my phone is surely more powerful than whatever
they wrote it for it'll play on on anything. But the point is,
make another one. Stop selling
that game from seven years ago on just
oh, now it's on Alexa.
That's the whole bit here.
That was really funny, though.
That's where the money is. Just port it.
Fuck that shit.
I hear you. Minecraft did it.
I'm so upset about this new
Fallout game that they're making. This fucking bullshit Fallout game that has no NPC Minecraft did it. I'm so upset about this new Fallout game that they're making,
this fucking bullshit Fallout game that has no NPCs in it.
I'm glad you said that.
So can you help me?
I played Fallout for like an hour, and it was a terrible experience.
Please, you are an actual Fallout, not just player.
You're a fan.
I have thousands of hours of Fallout experience.
I didn't play
fallout one and two because those are like top down like strategy games and it's different but
but fallout 3 fallout new vegas fallout 4 you know i've beaten them all like many many times each
i've modded them all i love them i played them on pc and console i fucking love them fallout 4
was kind of a step down the great thing about fallout is the NPCs, if you ask me. It's the
role-playing. It's getting into the
experience of being
the character that you're building and building
him around what you
envision your character to be.
And letting
the interactions that you have with the
NPCs be shaped by
that role-playing experience, right? Oh, I'm going to be a bad
guy this game. I'm going to be, you know,
anytime I have an option to, like,
just do the most down and dirty
stab them in the back kind of thing,
I'm going to do that. And you'll do that for an
entire playthrough. Or you're like, oh, I'm going to be
like the nicest guy ever.
I'm going to side with the most pure
factions. I'm going to
try to kill all the most evil factions.
You know, you can go either way.
Part of that is shaped by interacting with
non-playable characters within the game
who, especially in Fallout 3
and New Vegas, have very
diverse speech options.
If you go down a certain
speech path,
asking the right questions, you'll get
to possible
dialogue interactions that weren't
immediately available. You can talk your way into things, basically, that wouldn't be there
otherwise. You can find out information that you'd never know otherwise by having a high speech level
and by asking the right questions. Just like real life, right? Just like real life.
This new Fallout is an online, always online experience you're going to
have 25 to 35 players in each server um working together potentially in like four or five man
squads in west virginia now it takes place like 20 25 years after the bombs fell in an area that
they get hit by a lot of bombs that's all all kind of interesting stuff. But the thing is, there are no NPCs in the game.
There's only one, and it's the overseer,
the guy who runs the vault that you come from.
And I don't even think you see him.
He's just sort of a detached voice who gives you missions,
tells you where to go.
So there's going to be no factions to side with.
Normally in a Fallout game, there's like four or five factions.
side with normally in a fallout game there's like four or five factions there's like uh there's gun runners or there's there's um um there's like uh barbarian people and then there'll be like a group
like the ncr uh or the or caesar's legion and and they each have benefits and and downsides to
siding with them and by siding with one of them the others others don't like you as much. So it's more difficult to, you know, maybe if you side so hard with like the NCR,
when Caesar's Legion spot you, they just attack on sight.
None of that's going to exist anymore.
Now there's only monsters in the world.
It's all like ghouls, super mutants, stuff like that.
And the real issue to me is that that's going going to kill the single player experience it's not going
to be as much as a single player story exactly there's going to be much less story and it's
much going to be much more about cooperatively um going out and getting loot the loot doesn't
mean anything now though because if you die you've still got your loot it's going to be about
base building but if your base boat blows, it doesn't matter. You just
get it right back.
You get it right back? If they nuke your base,
it just comes right back? Yeah, you can move
the base anywhere at any time.
What's the consequence of nuking? There aren't any.
Are you sure?
What's at stake in this game?
Nothing.
Except for losing $60 when you buy it.
I will not be purchasing
Kyle tell me if you're sure I'm wrong
I'm picturing a multiplayer game
where you build up bases and you go out and you get loot
and you and your friends can team up
get loot, bring it back to your base
and the object is to sort of you know
become the richest faction on the server
as you gather and build
loot by either stealing it from other people etc and the day that
your base is ruined is a terrible day for you because suddenly those other players have what
you used to have and now you need to build it up again nope and they they're actually putting in
things that they completely counteract that because that almost sounds fun what you just
said although not in fallout this is more like this is more like um like if you're the type of player who attacks other players and griefs
which is what i'd like to be i like like i was telling my friends i was like i kind of just want
to go in there and fuck people shit up and ruin their day because because i i'm it no they'll put
a bounty on you they put a bounty on you in the game and and now everybody attacks you on site
right like You automatically
get your stuff back and they keep talking about
oh, and we've got
nukes that you can take control of in the
game. What they mean by that, they're not talking about like the
personal nuke launcher, the fat man.
They're talking about ICBM sites
in the game that after completing
certain quests you get the codes for
and then you can launch, right?
But all those do is blow up a part
of the map that then becomes like a high loot area but then it heals over over a period of time
which is probably like two hours in real world time right you know it's i don't get it i don't
know there's nothing at stake so it doesn't sound and like i never got as into fallout as you have
played you know a little bit but it was kind of similar to skyrim my understanding in a way and that a lot of the fun of it was that it was single player you're the
sole driver of your story you know oh you want to be with the assassins guild okay well then you are
kind of mutually excluded from these options over there oh sucks that you took this new negative
consequence oh what are you going to do next you're going to do this that oh now i'm going to
stop and save and when i come back the world's going to be just the way i left it and i can
continue with my you know my consistent trend of decisions.
But with this, it's like, every time you
hop on,
what, you just collect a few more
broken bottle caps?
This is almost as much of a
cash grab as Skyrim
Special Special Edition is, because what this
initially was, was the multiplayer
version for Fallout 4. But it just didn't get get released probably because they hadn't figured it out yet
now like two years after fallout 4 came out which is way ahead of schedule for any fallout game
that's why everybody's blown away it was like six years between uh new vegas and fallout 4 or
something like that like a huge amount of time so people were like well maybe we'll get fallout 5
in like two three we'll hear about it in
two more years. But instead, boom!
All of a sudden, you know, Fallout 76
is coming out and everybody's like, oh,
what could this even be?
Well, it's the multiplayer version of Fallout
4 in a different area.
That's what it is. And I like the idea
of maybe a co-op campaign. It would be cool
if you asked me if a husband and wife
came out of the vault together. or maybe you could like mix it up so that like your brothers you come out of
the the vault together maybe there's different storylines for like uh like imagine if me and
chiz did a co-op uh like like uh brother thing and we made our characters look like the guys
from supernatural i call dean and like that'd be so much fun to, like,
roleplay as that, right?
You are taller, yeah. You could be Sam.
That's what's
fun to me in Fallout. Like, what I just
said there would be so much fun to me.
But it would need to be a co-op
campaign, where we're going out in this
world and slowly, like, solving this
enormous main story quest, while at the same
time solving, you know, as, while at the same time solving,
as the Fallout character, whoever you are, the courier or whoever, you're writing wrongs
throughout this wasteland. You're rescuing children and saving whole communities or
dooming whole communities. And you're very impactful. By the end of the game, Ron Perlman comes on and they
shoot a montage of each and every faction
and he sort of lays out
this spiel of how
your actions throughout playing the game have
affected the wasteland.
The caravan company
went underground.
Because you weren't there to save them, everyone
died when the swamp people
came and they were all
eaten and raped to death.
And he goes from
each thing and talking about how your actions
impacted the game. That shit ain't gonna happen
this time. Is it all PvP?
Like it's just you running around fighting each other?
I don't even think...
It doesn't seem like they even want you to do PvP.
There's a lot of
monsters in there, which will be fun for a while.
There's a lot of new monsters that haven't been in a Fallout game before
that are sort of West Virginia specific.
Have you ever heard of the Mothman?
No.
Is it set in West Virginia?
West Virginia, yeah.
Okay.
They do that both because West Virginia has a lot of historical stuff there.
There were actual nukes hidden in West Virginia in that rural area.
Also because it wouldn't have been struck by the Chinese in the nuclear war because it's fucking West Virginia.
Why waste a nuke there?
And also because there's a lot of tall like tall tales about west virginia that involve things
like the mothman which was uh this creature that was spotted i don't know when it was this let's
call it the 70s uh by this couple basically they saw a a mothman with glowing red eyes and uh
people throughout the the years have said they've seen it there was a richard gear movie about it
um it's the richard gear movie is very scary uh it creeped me the fuck out as a kid
um so yeah there'll be there'll be a moth man there'll be a there's all kind of monsters a
giant sloth monster uh and there's uh the only like humanoid enemies with guns which is kind
of a mainstay of fallout there's always like raiders or powder gangers or something like that now they're just like uh irradiated
people basically uh they're called the burned ones uh they're like ghoulish ghouls with guns
and armor and i don't know i'm gonna buy it of course because you know it's a new game
but um i'm very unhappy with what they've done have you been gaming taylor no like not at all like not at all i mean the last week i've been
out of town so obviously not but other than that no very very little i'm i'm cyclical in my gaming
i'll get back into it then do it for a little while and then i'll fall back out of it again
and that's kind of an off cycle for so long. Every so often I play Minecraft,
but it's really about Colin and not so much me gaming.
He'll just want a partner or something.
Yeah, and I'm getting tempted by it again.
Like, ah, there's stuff out there I should check out.
We're currently playing a lot of PUBG,
playing a little bit of a game called Realm Royale,
R-E-A-L-M, a little bit of a game called realm royale r-e-a-l-m
realm royale which is a battle royale that's a little bit like fortnite but even more silly
uh when you get downed or killed you turn into a chicken that that like uh runs around and
like tries to get away and if you if you manage to escape being killed as a chicken for 30 seconds
you become a person again but it's got like magic and flying and all kinds of silly shit.
I've been playing that a bit.
I'm playing a bunch of Total War, Warhammer.
All PC gaming?
Yeah, of course.
I'll never play console.
When's the last time you popped onto a console?
My console's been in a box for like
10 months or something
like that somewhere. I don't even know where it is.
I'm not even sure if I have all the pieces and parts
to make the Xbox One work.
I played Sea of Thieves, which is also on Xbox,
but I played it on PC, right?
There aren't very many console-exclusive games
that I'm even mildly interested in.
Did you guys finally get tired of pretending to be pirates?
There was just nothing to do?
Yeah, it's nothing to do.
There's no content in that game.
I have never felt so
ripped off by a game before.
Even this Fallout game that I keep describing
and how much I'm going to hate it or whatever,
I'll get my $60 out of it, for sure.
I'll play it for dozens
of hours at least,
beating whatever single-player quest there is.
That'll probably take a good 8 to 20 hours or something.
And then we'll PvP for another dozen or so hours at least.
I'll get my $60 out of it.
But with No Man's Sea, Sea of Thieves,
there's nothing to fucking do. And they're slowly trickling in a little bit of content, but it's nothing to fucking do.
They're slowly trickling
in a little bit of content, but it's too little too late.
Not interested anymore. There's a
new pirate game that's being teased
at E3. I don't recall the
name of it. It looked fucking cool.
I might get that.
The idea of a pirate game is
cool to me. It's called Skull of Bones.
Thanks, Chiz.
Seems like that's how a lot of these games go.
Someone taps the interest, but there's nothing there for them to do.
And then somebody else swoops in and is like,
Hey, I got something that's actually good. Come over here.
And then they all flee that game.
H3Z1? I might be getting that wrong.
H1Z1.
Thank you. H1Z1.
And then to PUBG and then to Fortnite.
Like there's kind of been a progression there.
Is Fortnite bigger than PUBG?
Yeah.
Fortnite is huge.
I don't – Fortnite is interesting to me.
So I've been following that as a story a little bit, like the Fortnite, PUBG sort of –
PUBG's user base has been cut in half.
And Fortnite, there hasn't been a game as dominant since like back
there was a time when call of duty was like the game right everyone played it it was so dominant
and i don't think that's just my limited perspective cod was huge bigger than maybe
every other game combined that's how fortnight seems now it is just crushing it maybe bigger than every other game combined it's yeah it's gigantic
and uh and just like god there's people out there talking about how it's a violent video
game and it's impacting our children and stuff like that it's so non-violent i know
you float in on an umbrella like mary poppins like in fortnite you do yeah yeah yeah like when
you like like in pub g it's more of a military
people who play actual milsim games would scoff at this but it's more of a military simulation
right you're using m16s and ak-47s you use a military parachute and use military armor and
stuff like that granted it's not uh uh it's not like squad which is a hardcore milsim where it's
basically like going to Iraq, right?
It's absurd.
You get shot, you're fucking dead.
And the guns behave like real guns, and it's a whole thing.
But Fortnite, you jump out of this goofy thing, and you float down with a Mary Poppins,
and you're flying around and jumping and springboarding off stuff, and there's boogie bombs.
There's a grenade you throw that makes people breakdance.
You're wanting to be in a gunfight,
but, oh no, he hit me with a boogie bomb.
You're just like...
You're breakdancing.
You can't stop.
All you can do is breakdance away from them.
Oh, that's really funny.
You just have to moonwalk out of there.
There's a room in there.
I don't know if you can't shoot or just culturally you're not supposed to shoot.
But if all four of you break dance on the different dance floors, loot comes out.
It's goofy, but it's fun and everybody loves it.
And it's huge.
And it's very difficult to play.
That's one of the things holding me out of it.
So I'm late to the Fortnite train.
Obviously, I'm not even on board yet.
But I'm like, man, do I really want to start this game and suck?
It is incredibly difficult to be good at.
And the skill gap is enormous.
Between the best players in the world and the medium players, enormous skill gap.
They just run circles around you and slap you around like a bitch, and there's nothing you can do about it.
The building mechanic is...
I mean, it's easy to do basic shit. and they're just like rapidly throwing up walls and springboarding and like moving around to get
like uh the high ground on one another and like laying traps and and tricking each other and like
doing all this high level shit all the while simultaneously having a gunfight it's uh it's
incredible it's really fucking cool in general old woody loved skill gaps right because i played so
much i played so many i played hours and hours a day, more than most people did.
I wanted a game.
Like, one of the frustrations I had with Cod was that sometimes I would lose a gunfight,
even though I felt like I was a better player.
Xcal said this.
This comes from Xcal.
He's like, if I were to play someone who's not as good as me, I would beat him 70% of
the time, 75% of the time.
Whereas if he were to go into another game, I forget what he
named, like Friday night fights or something. He's like, I will win a hundred percent of the time if
I'm better than that other player. There isn't an element of like chance where the worst player wins
sometimes. Whereas in COD there is. I'm told Fortnite, and I've watched a good amount of it.
You can see how hard that is the better player wins in
fortnite a lot yeah almost every single time the better player wins uh and pub g to some extent
it's not quite like that because you know i'm like i'm sure i've ran somebody over uh in a car
before he was a much better player than me uh or maybe i like got the jump on them and shot him in the back or something like that but it's got it it's it's much more so than cod like like like there's
times when we run into people who are just better and we're like oh my god every time i peek he's
just nailing me in the fucking head like i can't and my health's almost gone again like you can't
even engage with them they're they're so much better than you are they're they're just flicking
on to you so goddamn fast like you can tell when someone're so much better than you are. They're just flicking on to you so goddamn fast.
You can tell when someone's that much better than you.
And I'm sure they can tell when they're in that situation with me.
They're like, God damn it, I can't do anything with this guy.
And I like that.
COD is looking interesting this year, but there's already been...
Are not enough to consider purchasing it?
Just interesting compared to the most recent ones that nobody cared about?
Both.
I was 100% considering getting back into COD,
but recently there's been a ton of backlash.
If you go to the subreddit over there,
Treyarch had to make a statement,
and everybody's just ignoring the statement
because they're blaming Activision, not Treyarch,
for this whole...
What are they calling it,
like the season pass or something, the Black Ops pass or something like that.
Basically, they're making you buy the game and then buy the maps.
And I don't mean like, oh, and pre-ordered you'll get the special zombie midnight map. No, it's like, and sign up for like a $60 season pass.
It's like the same price as the game.
And you get a dozen extra multiplayer maps.
And you get like four zombie maps.
And you get like four characters for zombies.
And you get a special weapon.
Remember YouTubers used to never sign up for that shit.
So they'd only face the most casual of players.
Yeah, some people would delete DLCs so that they would end up on the base map. to never sign up for that shit. So they'd only face the most casual of players.
Yeah, some people would delete DLCs so that they would end up on the base map
so they wouldn't have to face
the more dedicated fan base people
who, of course, have all the DLC.
I didn't know people did that.
Yeah.
Of course they did.
There are all kinds of things YouTubers would do
just to get into worse games.
Yeah.
Didn't they know you can just play zombies
for 15 minutes? They didn't they know you can just play zombies for 15 minutes
they didn't know turn it off and there's two videos anyway oh two videos and then a month
later you recycle it that's so funny people people be like didn't you do this before like
nobody's watching this anyway it's an interesting thing and taylor you're an
expert in marketing like once a brand starts declining it is so hard to reverse that you know
yeah this seems like a cash grab where they're trying to maintain their current uh the amount
of revenue they're kind of accustomed to as a call of duty firm or is it still treyarch still
whoever activision is the publisher.
And so now they know their consumer
base is way smaller, so they're going to have to ratchet up
the price. And they know there's a contingent of people
that's going to pay.
For the last five years, there's been a
$60 DLC annual
subscription. Oh, I was meaning, because Kyle was saying for this one,
you have to buy the game for like $60.
Then you have to shell out another $60
just to get all the maps that you need to play the game for like 60 bucks. Then you have to shell out like another 60 bucks just to get like all the maps that you need to play the game for fun.
Are you meaning that it's like, hey, you can play it for $60
and you get five neato maps.
Or you could shell out the other 60 and get the other two dozen maps and zombies.
And the Battle Royale mode.
They're packaging everything in with this like more expensive season pass thing
that you have to pay for.
It's absurd.
Like you're going to have to get it.
They're making the game over $100 and you don't even
get... Remember when we get the special edition
and you get night vision goggles or remote control
drone or something?
That was cool, but
it's really frustrating.
What they should be doing
is trying to do what
made them great and sort of
revolutionize and come up with cool stuff that people are actually interested in it's clear what
people are interested in right now it's it's battle royale and it's uh you know there's two
ways to go about it there's the milsim way or the funky silly way and they should do both because
they're fucking activision and they can afford it like two different game modes yeah why wouldn't
they do both that's a really good idea They have more money than the other companies, right? Is Fortnite owned
by some huge
video game company, or is it like a
up-and-comer? Fortnite
has backing. Fortnite is Epic Games, whereas
PUBG was the complete
opposite. They're like super, super duper tiny.
Okay.
Okay, two things. One, Kyle, I think your
mic might be on auto-adjust or something, because sometimes
you're quiet and sometimes you're loud, and sometimes you do a weird reverb thing.
Not sure, just a theory.
And the other, while I agree that PUBG had no backing and they were just a tiny little thing, they're dumbly rich now.
Like, that game was so successful.
I don't think lack of cash holds them back from progressing.
I don't know what the deal is.
Well, I mean, they are progressing.
They had a good E3, I thought.
I don't know if it excited everybody,
but they showed off that they're going to add a couple of new features to the game.
The new jungle map, which will be their third map,
is coming out either this month or next month.
And then a fourth map, a winter
snow map, which has been heavily requested,
has been teased for the winter.
I think it's... It's June.
Yeah, well, I mean,
it takes a long time to get a map.
The maps in
games like this are gargantuan.
It's not like adding a COD map. It's like
adding ten COD maps. They're just enormous.
It's eight or nine cities cities and then all the interconnecting stuff.
But COD maps are...
You're the expert.
I don't know.
I've never even played.
I've just watched.
But in looking at a PUBG map, I see a lot of it is just big mountains and bushes and shit.
Maybe not as hard as...
They go in and hand polish it.
They don't just do a blanket a blanket all right that's terrain like they they're going they go in and add
like moss on every rock and like paint every surface like that's that's what they've been
doing like we've been able to see the evolution of the uh uh the savage map the island four
kilometer by four kilometer map because at first there were no textures everything was just
like it looked like a checkerboard you know like black and white squares and then with each
update that's progressed you're like oh shit someone actually went in here and painted moss
on the side of this thing and someone oh look at this they added trees here they added a lake here
you know they and they've been progressively i could go. I could be wrong. I had my suspicion that, like, four weeks passes,
and now there's rocks with moss and some trees.
And it's like, God, shouldn't you finish that before lunch?
Like, the fuck takes four weeks to do it?
Yeah.
I mean, Fortnite only has one map still.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Fortnite players seem so happy, and PUBG players seem so mad.
The clip I see of Fortnite all the time, like on Twitter,
just little highlights that people retweet,
it looks so complicated
it almost turns me off
as someone who would be a casual gamer.
Where it's not just them running around shooting,
then they'll just make
a pallet appear or a wall
in front of them and now they're running up a pallet.
Then they build another one and then they throw a wall up.
Are you even in a gunfight
or are you just building a fort
to escape the gunfight?
The game's so big.
Colin learned a Fortnite dance
in parkour class. He doesn't even
play the game, but they covered it.
That's great.
One of the reasons
the PUBG players are mad is
the little things that you expect from a game that's made so much money don't seem to be there. stream if they're doing that yeah yeah one of the reasons the pub g players are mad is like the
little things that you expect from a game that's made so much money don't seem to be there like
we begged and pleaded for map selection forever once they instituted the second map people
immediately got tired of it and they're like ah i want to play the russian map i don't want to play
the mexican map and it took forever to be able to like click and choose which map you're going to
go into and now they're saying when they introduce this third map, that's going to go away.
Because they explained that you'd have just so many different queues lined up that it'd be difficult to find a game.
And little things like the vehicles don't work sometimes.
Sometimes you'll get into a car.
That's kind of realistic in an apocalypse scenario, right?
I don't mean they won't start.
you'll get into a car that's kind of realistic in a apocalypse scenario right i don't mean they won't start i mean you'll get in the vehicle and it'll and start driving and it'll and like the
nose will start flying up like like it caught some wind and you're not going 200 miles an hour where
that would actually be relevant like you're going like 30 and all of a sudden the car goes
and then it just starts doing backflips incredibly violently and kills everyone in the car.
And everybody's just like, we're 20 minutes into that game.
We all had sniper rifles.
I had a saw.
Should have just walked.
Exactly, yeah.
And for the longest time, if you saw a specific vehicle, like if you saw a motorcycle, you'd be like, I'll walk.
We called it the suicide machine because they would just they were so dangerous to drive they would just flip end over end at the smallest little
hiccup in the road and you'd all get thrown off and die and they they've got issues like that
sometimes but i like it i fucking love it you know we played six hours last night something
like that played till like five or six in the morning. I really like PUBG. It's my favorite game.
I might be an ass. I root against it
for some reason. I guess it's
because all the players say they haven't
put money back into the game.
They just kind of put it in their pockets and then poured it to
some other platforms to get even more money
and they're not
making the game better. They're just making
themselves more profitable. It makes a little bit
of sense maybe. What if
in their heads they kind of see the writing on the wall
of like, Fortnite
is beating our ass right now and
next month they're going to be beating our ass a little harder
and the month after that they'll be beating our ass a little harder.
Let's kind of not invest too much
when our consumer base is declining
or maybe it's just stagnating.
It's not that it's a
loser of a game. There's still like a million
and a half players on
playing the thing. It's an enormous
game. It's really big.
I don't know if COD has a million and a half players
on right now. I doubt it. I don't know if
Battlefield does, but PUBG does.
They didn't
port what they did.
They had another studio build the mobile version.
I don't know if they're putting the money in their pockets.
It seems like they're not hiring new people, though,
which is what I, as a consumer, would have loved to have seen.
If they were like, holy shit, we're the biggest game in the world.
You know what?
We're hiring a second studio.
Their job is going to be innovation.
They'll be the people who make new new weapons and new and new skins and make
new like maps or whatever and our our core team that built the game their focus is going to be
solely on perfecting what we already have and like getting the bugs and glitches out and working on
network uh coding stuff and and opt and optimization that's one thing that so it doesn't bother me at
all because i've got a really nice gaming pc i've've got a 1080 Ti and the top-of-the-line CPU and everything.
It's a very CPU-dependent game for some reason, which is part of the optimization argument.
It doesn't bother me.
I get 145 frames at 1440p, but a lot of people who have a 970 graphics card, it's barely playable for them.
They get really low
frame rates because that's not a terrible card no no but it's it is if you're playing pub g
and console oh my god here's what they do hey you mentioned the porting and maybe you were talking
about the xbox version xbox version blows that it's a travesty that microsoft even allowed it
to happen it runs at like 15 frames per second
it's so laggy and stuttery and hard to play and just just abominable like you i watch some of
the gifs sometimes and the guy's driving his car and i'm like i don't recognize this part of the
map and it's because the buildings haven't rendered in all of a sudden they render in
and he's inside one of them and then his car explodes i've seen videos like that you know clip it's on reddit and they're not uncommon like i guess it happens a bunch it
yeah and by the way if i ran a business i'd probably run it like pub g does you know like it
i um i've talked about this before oc chopper i think or occ chopper do you remember with
paul tuttle yeah orange county chopper and
those guys kept reinvesting and reinvesting and reinvesting back into their business right and
their overhead went up and up and up but their ability to produce motorcycles went up and up and
up and i always watched them in all like oh my god like don't you see that you're a fad and and the
way to manage a fad is to make a lot of money and then put it in your pocket.
You don't make a lot of money and hope that for some reason
$115,000 motorcycles
just become a mainstream concept and idea.
Do you think the fidget spinner guy
was sitting there like,
all right, how do we make it spinnier?
Right?
We've got to take advantage of the three weeks.
This is a thing.
If you're the fidget spinner guy,
if there is a fidget spinner guy,
you take the money you put in your pocket.
You don't be like, all right, we need a square fidget spinner.
That's the next evolution in physics.
No, no, no, no, dude.
You hit one home run.
Don't go thinking about how to hit your next one in that business.
Now, PUBG might have been smarter to reinvest.
Who knows?
They could have made the next COD.
And instead of being 100 millionaires, themselves into billionaires maybe i don't know
but my wiring would be more inclined to just take the 100 million put it in their pockets
and you know go fly a paramotor or something like that that's what i would be inclined to do
so i'm not knocking them as businessmen but i am kind of rooting against them in the gaming world because i like the people that
reinvested well it's definitely the more in my opinion it's the more fun game to play and and
i don't like i don't know fortnite as much as we talked about that skill uh gap and everything it
does seem to be the game that's favorite more favored by 13 year olds 15 year olds like like actual children uh like the people
maybe they're used to getting beat up on when i when i play and when i play like solo i use i
leave my microphone open so that i can like uh openly talk with like my enemies like you know
maybe i'm in one room and he's in the other like hey how's it going in there anyway we can uh work
this out peaceably maybe i just go left and and you go right. And we just let this...
We just drop this or maybe I talk shit to him or whatever.
And it's always grown men.
It's never that...
Yeah, we can be friends.
I never run into that.
It's always some dude like, yeah, I guess.
Nice meeting you, though.
See you later.
It's nice to see someone who's cool.
You can negotiate with these people.
It's fun.
What did we used to play that was so hard?
It's hard to get established.
We all played it.
We died on a ship together one time.
Zombies involved, but it's not
really about zombies. Come on, it's a big game.
It is a predecessor to this one daisy oh god right
and daisy if you tried to use charm in that situation he would rape you he'd make you get
on your knees and squeal and everyone betrayed everyone nobody was nice in that game and if you
do make friends the person who's the bigger asshole wins the friendship.
The first one to betray the other,
because someone's going to betray.
It's going to happen.
No one's going to be friends all night.
And I would want to be that guy.
And there'd be a group of four of us.
And then two of them kill the other one.
And they're like, Woody, you don't know.
You don't understand.
two of them kill the other one and they're like woody you don't know you don't understand yeah you know like it was just a matter of time before this happened and whoever is whoever betrays first
wins and i'm here like i'm a youtuber so they wouldn't betray me because you know like they
were being nice to me because i'm on youtube but uh they would betray each other and stuff and it
was it was a weird thing.
I did not like DayZ,
because we weren't playing it right, almost certainly.
We needed DayZ guides, probably.
But I just remember we would play for literally two hours
for me, Woody, and Chiz to even meet up and find one another.
We would use the sun and landmarks,
because the server we were on didn't have compass.
We should have been playing a modded version.
I'm next to the bigger tree.
No, there was a railroad track that ran up the east coast of the island,
like north to south, and we'd be like, find the sun, all right?
Now walk in the opposite direction of that, because it's in the west,
and you'll get to the railroad tracks.
Then walk north.
Like, when you get to snow we'll be there
and that might take hours for yeah it's 40 minutes of walking and the whole walk you're
vulnerable right like you just hope there's there's zombies which if you're well equipped
zombies aren't a big problem but if you're not well equipped they're an issue everything's an
issue go ahead in pub g
you land and there's a building with full of machine guns and shotguns and and everything
like some games you search three buildings you're like oh i got a pistol god damn it but some games
you're like oh instantly 100 rounds in an m16 or whatever you want daisy i never found a gun with
the bullets that go to it never i never no never have I ever played DayZ and had both a gun and the matching bullets.
And when I did find bullets, it would be like three.
You have three.357 Magnum rounds.
I was like, well, okay, I'll hang on to these like an old, but in case I ever find a.357 Magnum handgun.
And you'd run into people and like and it was kind of like real life.
Like if you watch that movie The Road,
where the guy's got a gun, and they're like,
I bet you don't even have bullets for that gun.
It's like, I got bullets.
I only have two, though,
so I can't just shoot one in the air to prove it.
It's risky shit.
Oh, I have done the opposite in DayZ.
I have had powerful groups with guides who are experts.
We've been up in helicopters sweeping past people, firing the machine gun and such.
But even that's a not.
It takes eight hours to repair a helicopter.
Yeah.
And then you run out of fuel really quickly.
The most fun we ever had, it was myself, Woody, and Chiz.
And we were trying to meet up, and I remember all of a sudden Chiz was like,
Oh, my God, he's got an axe.
He's got an axe.
Some guy runs up on Chiz and chops him up with an axe.
Well, Chiz responds, and he's able to get back to where the axe man is rather quickly.
And I'm already there.
And so Chiz and I approach axeeman, and we befriend him,
because he doesn't know that Chiz is the man he just chopped up with an axe.
Chiz has respawned into the world.
He doesn't know it.
And so me and Chiz are like, hey, man, come with us.
And we have guns but no bullets.
We have, like, you know, maybe a melee weapon or something like that.
We're like, we're going to the south.
There's a big boat.
It's like a cruise liner that's wrecked on the shore.
We're going to explore that.
Good loot in there.
He's like, oh, okay, sure.
Little does he know that we're all on a Skype chat,
and Woody is waiting in that boat with a gun with bullets.
And so we're orchestrating this through skype while also going back into game
chat and like fucking him over and we're like yeah man let's go in the boat and so we all go in the
boat together and what he's like all right which one is he and we're like oh he's the guy with the
blue hat and and what he's like all right everybody get on the floor and like and me and chis are both
tell tell him we're like better do what he says, man.
Let's just do what he says.
Let's do what he says.
And so we all lie down on the floor and Moody just walks up and executes
this cocksucker.
It was so fun.
Dude, that tiny bit of fun
took three and a half hours.
That was three and a half hours.
You could have played 30 games
of PUBG in that amount of time. It was awful. put together yeah that was three and a half hours you could have played 30 games of pub g
it was i bet it was so satisfying because it probably felt more real where you're like ah
i'm the grand orchestrator of this guy's demise it was very good from him or was it just revenge
base it was just revenge base and then like some legit player showed up literally five minutes
later and murdered us all oh but they the way i remember
it they'd even really show up like out of the blue we're getting shot from distances that and i i
don't know that i ever sure yeah they were on the shore like 800 yards away and one of us got
crippled and he was like the last one left and i just remember i don't know if it was me or chis but we're just cheers just crawling down ladders
on the floor and of course they eventually hunt him down and just kill him with a fire axe or
something like that yeah i couldn't get into it we should have been playing like overpock or
something like one of the modded out versions that where they threw in tons of high level
loot weapons they have like a currency system.
A little pay to win.
A little pay to win, please.
I've got $6.
Give me a 50 cal.
Absolutely.
And you could do that on those overpocked servers.
You donate, you know, 20 bucks, and they're like, oh, well, here's 50,000 credits.
You go to this area of the map that we've modded to be like a store,
and you can get yourself a Hummer and a big machine gun and then go hunt other players.
Yeah, I bought a base.
I bought a bunch of shit and nobody ever played it with me
and it never went anywhere.
But PUBG came out and it's pretty similar.
I was like, nah, we're playing something else now.
I tried to.
I wanted to do it too.
But if I recall correctly, they didn't have a good store.
I didn't know how to make it happen.
It was hard.
Yeah. You had like PM a mod
And be like yo man who do I give the money to
And he's like
Is Mike around
Try to find Mike
And it's not like you're in a store
You have to write an all chat
Is Mike here
You don't know if that's the real Mike
And if it is you're just going to send him some cash over the internet
And he's going to hook you up with some credit
And his overbox server It was all so weird You did it right You're just going to send him some cash over the internet and he's going to hook you up with some credit in his Overpock server?
It was all so weird.
You did it, right?
I did it.
You did find Mike.
Dude, I donated in four different servers
before I finally...
I got ripped off for $35
before I finally got a base in some random shit.
Moody Craft should have got into that business.
Maybe.
A proper website.
You buy it and it just pops in game
and suddenly your character is armed.
That might have existed and I was just a noob.
Maybe.
But I remember watching,
maybe it was Frankie on PC and 1080p
or one of those guys like that.
And he'd make these really cool Overpock videos.
Overpock is a mod.
And basically it's kind
of like pub g is today uh with these really tricked out weapons though like like suppressed
um sniper rifles with thermal scopes and people driving around in cars and and and he would sort
of tell you a story he's like all right we're here on the we're here on the hillside me and jackie
and we've been watching these guys for about 15 minutes now.
It looks like they got some good stuff.
And he'd stalk these people for like half an hour, sneaking up on them.
And he'd snipe one at them.
He's like, all right, let's rush them, rush them quick.
And when he finally got their shit, like the shit seemed valuable.
It seemed like he'd really made a score when he killed someone and took the stuff.
Because in that game, it didn't just end and the stuff
goes into the ether.
Now we have their shit, and we're going to put it in our vault
back at our base, and it'll be there tomorrow,
and we can exchange it for currency or whatever.
It was cool.
What do we have here, Taylor?
Well, it's breaking news. I just happened to
see it on Twitter.
The house has approved a ban on sex dolls
that resemble children.
Get Little Mika out of here now!
Burn him!
No, that's not a child.
That's a 7,000-year-old vampire
witch. So it's not weird.
Oh, okay, you're just fucking a vampire witch.
But that does resemble a child, so that would
also be illegal.
He was bitten in the 17th century. It's okay.
At the age of nine?
Yeah. So what
are you guys coming down on that? I don't like it.
I don't like it a bit. You don't like it.
You think they should be able to have... Let's see what this Republican said.
House Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob
Goodlett, Virginia,
said in a statement Wednesday
that the concept of the childlike
sex dolls made his stomach turn.
These dolls can be programmed
to simulate rape. Oh, I'm so
interested now. Goodlet said,
the very thought made me nauseous.
What a puss.
He sounds like a prude. I don't think there's anything
wrong with simulated rape, right?
It's simulated rape. That's what
makes it so right.
I think it's the child thing
that he's mostly referring to.
Hang on a minute, though. Here's an
interesting statistic.
In the UK, the UK has a similar
law to the one proposed by Donovan.
I don't know if it's gone through yet since he says
the language says proposed here, but
in fact, of the 128
dolls seized in the UK,
85% of the men who imported them were also found to be in possession of child pornography.
I say you let this – that's a very good point.
I bet you let – I think you should let this stay legal and you just keep an eye on the people who are purchasing these dolls.
That seems like the right move.
If 85% of them also had child porn,
that's an astoundingly high statistic for that.
And the other 15%, we're just hiding it well.
There's a correlation there, right?
So sell the dolls and investigate the customers,
but only prosecute the 85% that are guilty.
Ah, fuck those guys.
Look.
Every one of those dolls is saving a real-life child.
I like that theory.
Maybe multiple.
I'd fuck it.
I mean, why not?
It's a doll, right?
They had this whole thing on Howard Stern's show once
where they were going to make real dolls of one another.
Or like Ronnie the limo driver does reviews of sex toys.
And usually it's like
dildos and stuff and uh and he'll use these cock rings and stuff on his girlfriend and and then he
comes in he gives this creepy old man review of it but then they had they were like what if it's a
justin bieber blow-up doll and he's he's like no no i'm not gonna fuck that they're like why not
will you suck its cock too no no suck its cock and it's
just like why not it's it's literally like a plastic inflatable like pool toy like like like
just suck suck the little cock do it do you pussy you prude for the years for the memes it is for
the memes like i think child sex toys um That sounds horrible. Sex dolls.
That sounds horrible.
See, nobody's going to stand up for this.
This is not the hill anyone's going to die on.
Where they're like,
Senator, you will not take these child sex dolls
away from the good American people.
I want to see if Mr. Smith goes to Washington
about this issue.
He's just filibustering
for child sex dolls
for like two days.
He can barely stand.
He's got the doll with him.
This one's lightly used
from Craigslist.
You got a little something on your mouth there, Danica.
Danica. That's what mine's called this is one of those things where it's like man i you can really really hate it but also
your point about finding actual pedos that's not just like a meme or a joke that seems like
a real thing keep tabs on people who want to fuck simulated children yeah that that is a
better way to use this right keep tabs on them and then the thing i said about every one of those
dolls saving you know at least one real life child could be true too right like no no i just wanted
to have a three-way and i didn't have an extra kid yeah i i've thought about this too like okay
we all know that child porn is kind of bad
Because it's a child there, right?
Someone took a naked picture of a kid
That's not cool
I'd go so far as to say it's more than kind of bad
Well, what about animated child porn?
Oh, well, that's not a real child
Right, right
So is animated child porn bad?
Not even the same ballpark
Does that keep the
The dirty thirst alive? Or does it quench it and not let any
children get hurt uh i saw a story the other day where this uh this 10 year old girl had been
communicating with like i think it was like a 30 year old guy um on facebook back and forth for
like a month or two and she thought of him has thought of him as her boyfriend he'd been sending
she'd been sending him like nude photographs and her masturbating and stuff
and uh she left uh she was gonna finally meet this guy so she leaves a note for her parents that says
she's going to hang out with her bff uh um you know she only wants to hang out with me i'll be
back in a day or two and and uh she leaves and goes and gets in this guy's car and goes to a
motel well they found her of course you know the guy had fucked her and she was locked in the
bathroom with a dog collar on and uh yeah right what is pete woody's interest he's like dog collar
you say like with the spikes or was it the shocky guy you can't go wrong. What setting did they use? I like the pulsating one.
And so it really seemed, though, that she was into it.
It seemed like that's what she was looking for.
She saw this guy as her boyfriend.
But the parents, they weren't prudes.
They weren't having any of it.
Turned him in.
He's in a whole mess of trouble.
A whole mess of trouble.
For the child pornography and the rape.
They have all kinds of ways to describe fucking a child.
Grooming, all that stuff.
And he was a cave troll of a man.
He was not a good looking fella.
That's how you know it's bad.
Because the guy is not attractive. that's all that matters uh-huh
if it was a good looking guy all right how about john stamos you hear john stamos
banged a 13 year old and she was into it you don't feel so bad right you say what's wrong
with my 13 year old that she's not pulling guys like john stamos goddamn right Amos. Goddamn right.
Fair enough.
My kid will cosplay as Stephanie from Full House.
She'll call you Uncle Jesse.
The early seasons.
Oh, you're a Michelle kind of man.
Well, I've got two daughters.
I'll be right back. I'm going to turn my AC down.
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Oh, now you do.
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Cheers, delete that link.
I don't even like looking at that freak of nature.
No, no.
When I see him on Reddit, no.
No, it's not our next topic.
That thing. He looks like an
X-Files monster. I don't care if he can't
help it.
I finished your sentence because
I think he might have lost his train of thought there.
I don't care what I was talking about.
Yeah, you know, child abuse,
the whole thing.
Don't shit yourself. Wipe Charlie's.
DollarShaveClub.com slash PK. Get that freak of nature off my... Bump that away. Don't shit yourself. One wipe Charlie's. Dollarshaveclub.com slash pka. Get that
freak of nature off my... Bump that away.
Bump it away.
Now the audience doesn't know what you're looking at
and they feel excluded. Well, you can show them.
What they should be doing is going to Dollarshaveclub.com
slash pka before they
see this individual.
Wow, this poor guy.
Did you mean to put a time stamp in it? I'm at the time stamp, 2 poor guy. Did you mean to put a timestamp in it?
I'm at the timestamp, 2.15.
Okay, that was on purpose.
Oh my god.
Give me a second. I want to better arrange the screen.
One moment, please.
How do I get it to go away? Can I just delete that message?
It says
we don't have to do audio
for this. We can just do the video
apparently.
Let me scroll up. Let me know if anyone types anything relevant. I don't even to do audio for this we can just do the video apparently scroll up well let
me know if anyone types anything relevant because i'm not i don't even want that in my chat anymore
every time i see that guy on reddit or whatever look i'm sure he has a great outlook on life
the way i understand it that's incredibly painful to live through i'd have killed myself
years ago um it's i'm sorry like i feel terrible for him, and maybe
we're not supposed to react the way I just reacted,
but that
disgusts me on a level that
I would...
Just like that guy I saw the other day who hadn't
washed his cock in eight years, and it was covered
with this caked-on yellow infection.
I don't want to look at that.
That's awful. There are ten
very supportive... Jesus, and sometimes I complain about my bad luck at that. That's awful. There are 10 very supportive, like, Jesus,
and sometimes I complain about my bad luck and how hard my life is.
Shame on me.
When this video popped up, I thought it was fake, and I was surprised.
This guy is so strong.
Such an awesome person that we are lucky enough to still have on the planet
with a smiley face.
Uncle Fester.
Oh, man.
Can we watch a little of it? This is a 26 minute video so we're not going to watch
all of it but i want to hear what he has to say yeah feel free to watch ready set play basically
eating can be difficult at times breathing you name it every single part of life is affected
by my skin from my point of view it's not a matter of avoiding obstacles or avoiding activities.
Because just being alive, my skin is going to get irritated.
So his voice is funny, and I see now his nose is closed up.
He sounds like this, and that is why.
He's got just red, bloody bloody looking circles around his eyes where the
i guess skin is so torn up i saw that but like you have red bloody circles around your eyes if
you go like that maybe that's just what we're seeing on him oh you might be right
it says it started at the beginning i was perfectly healthy for the first few hours
and then for no reason at all my skin started to blister.
In the sense that most of the time
most babies that are born with
TB...
I put an image in the chat.
Is that a real person
or like a monster from a movie?
That is the Fluke Man from
an X-Files episode. He was a Russian
submariner who got trapped
in the irradiated
septic bilge
and was mutated
with the fluke worms and became a
fluke man. I knew a guy in high school
who had a disease. Something
like this guy. He became a
fluke man? Maybe.
This is unbelievably sad.
I had a friend from surfing and it was
his little brother.
He needed to put cream on his skin constantly.
And he couldn't sweat, so he also couldn't put himself in situations where he got too hot.
And he was always just sort of dried out and cracking and in pain.
Oh, God.
Did you show the audience the Fluke man no but i can't
yeah show him the fluke man because i because i as soon as i every time i see that man who should
have killed himself a long time ago i think of the fluke man you'd kill yourself who would not
kill themselves here if they were the fluke man which is what i choose to call that person now
i mean i feel for him it's that's not
a good answer that's not an answer woody would you kill yourself if you were the fluke man it's easy
to say outside looking in but if you're that guy how do you know yeah and he's never known anything
else you still want to live you still want to be alive you would think unless it really is
if you became if you became the fluke man tomorrow,
keep in mind you're going to lose both of your jobs.
I guarantee you're losing one of them.
I don't know.
We've wanted a whack pack for so long.
You can call in.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Eric.
How's it going, Taylor? Well, I'm in excruciating pain all the time, hey Eric. How's it going, Taylor?
Well, I'm in excruciating pain all the time, of course.
But otherwise...
Ah, my goddamn lip fell off again.
Like, you'd kill yourself, right?
I feel like you wake up every morning with this,
and just your first action would just be waking up and just going,
Ah! Ah!
Ah! Oh, Ah! Ah!
Ah!
Oh, my skin's so...
Ah!
I'm stuck to the sheets again!
Oh, God, and I'm all alone
and no one's here to help me.
Oh, this looks
like such a terrible way to...
You can't even pay people to look at me.
This poor fucking guy.
I feel like if I say
I'd kill myself, then I'm telling
this guy to kill himself, and I don't want to be
that person. Having said that,
I think I'd kill myself.
The reason I tried to at 17
is because I felt like I had no future. I felt like I was
in a situation that couldn't get
better.
I feel like he's in a situation that can't get better. I feel like he's in a situation that can't get better.
Yeah.
He's never going to have sex, okay?
Because A, no one will have sex with him,
and B, if he did, it would probably be incredibly painful.
God knows what his dick looks like, right?
God only knows.
I like to think that he can masturbate,
that that perfect sensory feedback loop
allows him to pull it off without hurting himself.
Literally pull the skin
off is that what you mean because that's what would happen he's like oh it kind of feels good
oh oh there's my cock what do i do now i degloved it it's just a strand of urethra
like standing out of his out of his crotch and like dangling and every time it touches his taint
like when he pees it just goes like a like a lawn sprinkler and it's just
hurting excruciatingly terribly every time it flicks against his thighs and taint and balls
and everything is and just sprays piss everywhere so he gets more infected no i'd kill myself
yesterday all of his skin looks so tender i don't know how he's wearing a shirt. He's wearing something on his arms
like a burn victim would wear.
Yeah.
He's a weight lifter.
Get the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck out of here.
Dude.
Nice hobby.
Sometimes my calluses make me not want to do pull-ups.
How does he pull any of this shit off?
Yeah, you should be a salty bathtub layer inner that should be your goddamn
hobby jesus christ no i i'm telling you i i kill myself forthwith just right away it would have
happened so long ago i'd have been like so let's see i could do it i could sit in the car in the
garage what happens when he lays in a salty bathtub in your head? Is he like a snail that just instantly dies?
Is that your desert?
Just salt him.
Just salt him.
Like, that would be, like, instead of an acid attack,
just hit him with a fistful of rock salt.
Ah!
Like, if the guys from Supernatural traveled into this guy's town just looking for something unrelated, they'd shoot him on sight.
They'd shoot him on fucking sight.
Dean would pull that 1911 out.
Bam, bam, bam, bam.
I got a ghoul, Sam.
Did you see that?
Yeah.
He tried to beg, but I got him.
He's muscly.
Yeah, look at him.
Fucking skinwalker.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.
That is just the worst thing
It seems like being a weightlifter would be
The hardest possible hobby to have
With this right
What hobby would you suggest
Stamp collecting are we going back to the purchasing ones
Well something where you're not like pulling and jerking
And like putting strain on your skin you know
He's not a weightlifter
Are we back to masturbation talk
Something where you're not pulling and jerking and stra on your skin, you know? He's not a weightlifter. Are we back to masturbation talk?
Something where you're not pulling and jerking and straining your skin.
We never left.
What's a more difficult hobby,
weightlifting or dating?
Oh, jeez.
Dating.
There's got to be a girl with this somewhere.
Oh, yeah.
We can writhe on top of each other in agony.
That'll be fun.
Was that good for you?
No, just like every other moment of life.
Unmitigated agony. It was excmitigated agony It was excruciating
It was excruciating
Oh, you're so wet
That's blood
You fucked a hole in my stomach
You kind of tore me a little bit
Well, that's par for the course around here
Where did I put my clit?
I feel bad for joking about this is so sad it is and you should his face on my screen
is just sad i can't look at it you know he looks like that that marine that hero of a marine
who was burnt terribly overseas i'm sure we've all seen him wearing his marine corps
uh like like dress uniform and his face is
all melted. His head and face
are both melted. That guy
looks ten times better
than this guy.
Although I'd still kill myself if I were
that guy.
Man.
That's sad.
This is really, really... if you're that guy,
you better start
subscribing to one of those religions
that involve reincarnation.
And then you go get yourself a handgun.
And then it's all over.
I wouldn't want to live a second
like that.
And it's not even a vanity thing.
It is to some extent i suppose because he's
so hard to look at i wasn't being like overly dramatic like for entertainment's purposes like
when i was like god i'm gonna look at it like i literally like have a like a reaction when i look
at him he's so off-putting to look at it's so gross to me it's it's so awful to look at um i
would i'd have killed myself so long ago. So long ago.
It's actually upsetting me.
It's actually making me really sad.
Well.
Dude, you know what I mean.
What's that feel like?
Is that the empathy thing?
Is you try and put yourself in the other person's shoes.
That guy can't wear shoes.
He's definitely a flip-flop kind of man. You're right. I've been
a fool.
You know, I would
accept this guy wearing Crocs. This is the only Crocs
guy on the planet where you're like, I get it.
Cool. Good choice.
Good choice. Crocs are oddly comfortable,
aren't they?
I don't understand what his skin
is doing because he's got like a
tight athletic shirt on like a very tight like Under Armour shirt how is
that not? That's all that's holding him together Taylor. He would just spill out
on the floor like like a like a bowl of beef stew without that tight-fitting
Under Armour shirt. I wonder what the texture's like.
Is it so soft it's going to slough off,
or is it crispy and brittle?
I think the first one.
I think if you punched him, you'd take a chunk.
You think so?
I bet it's more brittle.
Look at the area surrounding his eyes.
Could you reach inside his chest and pull his heart out,
Indiana Jones style?
Daniel Cormier could.
You see the Black Beast hitting the
power machine on FS1?
No.
He set a new record. It was like
997. More than Francis
Nganou, the Ford Escort
puncher or whatever? I believe, I think
so. Daniel Cormier
was leading when I looked at it.
He had like 996 or something i
think i think the black beast like set a new record on that thing which is interesting to me
they don't wrap their hands though which have you ever hit a punching machine no i don't i don't
think so so like there's there's kind of a a scraping yeah thing that happens it goes up when
you hit it so yeah yeah and and it always hurt my
knuckles like like i'm not bleeding but it's like oh that took like a layer of skin off that's now
like peeled up and i'm like i was like i'm not doing that a second time because now all of a
sudden i'm wondering how many other people have put their like dna on this fucking thing did i
just get syphilis like like from this punching sure that's how you got it i am a carrier of mercer wings said
that he was a carrier of mercer like he's the typhoid mary of skin bacteria is that wrong i
thought we read something to that effect but a carrier is something completely different right
a carrier is a non-systematic person who's infected with a with a virus or a disease or
something like that who can who can transmit it to others um without being impacted yeah exactly like typhoid mary you know
they they had to stick around that goddamn island because she's running around with typhoid
infecting everybody he acted like he just has staff and he and he could just get it at any time
no just if he just washed his skin i you know wouldn't be a problem. Look, I'm an idiot on this topic, but I thought when we read about it, it was something like 10% of the population has it at any given time.
I think you said it.
It's on us.
Yeah, but most people don't get infected by it because they're healthy and resistant and not open wounded.
It's kind of like getting a cold sore.
Most people have the cold sore thing.
I don't have it.
But you don't get it for the most part.
Well, tons of people are born with it.
I used to get them as a young kid.
You can be born with it?
Yeah.
I don't think so, man.
I think we're back to the chicken don't have sex thing.
That is a transmitted disease.
Yeah, it's a virus.
You may have got it from your parents.
Maybe.
You can get it from anywhere.
I got it by sharing a soda when I was a kid.
Right?
And now I'll always have it.
And I get it maybe twice a year.
And it's awful.
And I didn't have my cream last time I got one.
I had to use cream from the fucking drugstore. If anyone out there someone messaged me and asked me like what to do because they had
recently gotten a cold sore i'm like ah go to the fucking doctor tell him you now have cold sores
ask for valtrex you take uh they're blue pills it's an antiviral that's specifically meant for
for cold sores and genital herpes and you take 1 000 milligrams
twice a day and then that's it i don't mean like twice a day for a week i mean once you take one
in the morning one at night it's a thousand milligrams each and then the thing just goes
away it's like fast like it's it's it's like halted in its tracks it doesn't get any worse
than it already was like if you If you stop it when you first...
I know you've never had one, but first it feels like a tingle.
Like a little itchy tingle.
And if you touch it, you're like, is that a bump?
Is it like a pimple?
You think it's a pimple at first.
At first, you're like, is that a pimple?
Because occasionally I'll get a little pimple at the bottom of my lip.
Sometimes I get one in the corner.
Yeah, sure.
The first day, and they progress rapidly like day one you're like there's a tingle
and a little bump if i don't take the pills right fucking now this is over like tomorrow
this is gonna be like the size of an eraser on a pencil and it's going to be like cracked.
And if I scratched it with my nail, it'll bleed.
And it's not even a whole day sometimes.
Like it's like hours.
Like you'll look in the mirror like in the morning like, oh, man, I guess I'm getting a little pimple.
Like four hours later, you'll look and be like, oh, no, that's clearly a cold sore because it's three times bigger now.
Yeah.
I got to get some Abreva or some shit and put it on there.
And the Abreva is garbage.
Like Abreva. That usually works for me. I haven And the Abreva is garbage. Like, Abreva, first of all.
That usually works for me.
I haven't had, like, a really bad one in a long, long time.
But by works.
Usually they go away pretty quick.
But by works you mean, like, it gets it over with in, like, five or six days.
And then it's time to start healing, which I usually.
If you start it pretty quick, it'll get done faster than that.
Not for me.
Not for me.
It always gets real bad.
I started Abreva on this last one like the
day it started and it's terrible a brief is a cream that's like 25 for a tube like the prescription
the the prescription is cheaper than that like like the the valtrex that actually just solves it
is cheaper than that and if you if you if you get that prescription you can just kind of
take the valtrex maybe like once every three months and you'll never get a fucking outbreak ever again you know how often do you
get them twice a year when you were younger did you get them more because i remember getting them
more when i was younger probably because your immune system isn't as good but like now i don't
think i've had one in a few years um i don't know it's it's it's always been about once a year usually in the fall
like uh um i remember like specifically the worst one i ever got um i was uh i was like
17 or 18 and i had uh i had gotten a job at a fucking video rental place because i loved the
idea of free rentals like i
it was during it was this is pre-netflix and i had i kept running out these crazy bills
at the rental place because i'd never get my rentals back on time and i was like you know
when you factor in the free rentals i'm making 30 an hour and i i liked it i loved movies and
i loved being able like every week the new releases would come
and I'd bundle up
eight movies and take them home that night
and watch them all, I loved being able to watch
movies for free, I watched so many movies during that time
at three weeks I worked there
whatever the fuck
how could you give up that rental?
I had a cold sore
and I was working the cash register,
and I'll never forget this humiliating experience
of this old man being like,
what happened to you? Looks like you got
popped in the mouth!
And I'm just like,
it's a cold sore.
Here's your change. Mind if I rub this dollar
on my mouth before I give it to you?
Nothing.
Sorry, sir. I wanted to give it to him right there just like
like rub it until the blood came and just stick it in his mouth before he could react just like
oh what are you yeah now you have it for life old man i managed to escape korea without it
i feel lucky that i don't have it like i don't even i assume i i'd never had a cold sore so i thought that i didn't have it but you don't even... I'd never had a cold sore,
so I thought that I didn't have it.
But you don't know.
You could be a carrier.
Taylor hasn't had one.
He can't remember his last one.
If you've never had one,
then you don't have it.
Because what happened was
Jackie got tested for it for something.
She got a physical or something.
And she doesn't have it.
So I'm like, well,
we must both not have it.
Then you don't have it either.
There's no way.
Yeah. You definitely don't have it either yeah you definitely don't have it but you know
it's easy you literally can share a drink
with someone and you have it now
that's literally what happened to me as a kid
I shared a drink with someone
and I got it and now forever more
I have it and if you eat pussy
with that thing
now she's in trouble
it's not going to be on her lip well it
is but you'd have to be pretty trashy to have like a raging cold sore going and the girl be like
and just do it anyway here's the thing about that when the after it has healed 99 even if there's
just a shadow of like the skin's a little pink,
it's not 1000% healed.
It's still transmittable, it seems.
And that is what happened. I swear to God.
It was like...
It was gone. It was gone.
You gave a gal a pussy cold
sword? Oh yeah, absolutely.
She was sitting on frozen peas for a week.
Hopefully that happened in
california where they give you a little slap on the wrist well i didn't do it on purpose and she
like like she was aware of my cold sore because like for a week you know we weren't able to kiss
or whatever and like like i wasn't i was like i can't go down on you because because this thing
and then it had went away and and then like she's like oh it's gone now get down there i was absolutely and then
it was like then for like a week she was just like sitting literally frozen peas did you see
what it looked like on her on her pussy no why didn't you ask she described it it didn't sound
were there a bunch of them was there just one i think that there were like i don't know how many
exactly but there were on the inside and the outside, she said,
and they were extremely painful.
I didn't know it hurt.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it hurts on the lip.
It's like tender.
Yeah, it hurts.
It's no good.
And when it's down there, I don't think it would hurt a guy that much
because we're mostly external with our genitalia,
but theirs is just a...
Yeah, they got a whole mess down there.
Just a bunch of mucous membranes.
Who knows what the fuck is down there exactly?
I can barely look at that freak show when it's healthy.
Right?
I certainly didn't want to see it
when it was all inflamed like a jellyfish
shot with a shotgun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can barely look at that shit.
That's hilarious.
Every time I see labia gone wild
on Reddit, I'm like, nope!
That and gruel.
I click every not safe for work link
as I'm scrolling on my phone or scrolling on Reddit.
I'm like, oh.
I do it during the show sometimes when I'm just looking for little news.
I'm looking for news articles or something.
I'm not just looking at porn on the show or whatever, but I end up looking at porn on the show because as I'm scrolling, it's like jesus look at this lady's titties bouncing out of her shirt someone comes up to you and says
kyle kyle i have a secret you don't say uh i don't care to know and that's what a not safe for work
link is it's like hey here's a little secret if you click on here i'll show it to you
yeah well i want to see it now yeah iee hee, I'm a little shy.
Third pick of my asshole today.
I tell you what I don't want to see, though.
Anything on Labia Gone Wild and anything on Gruul.
All right, let's take a look at Labia Gone Wild
and see if it's like that.
I believe we've done this before.
We have.
I'll tell you, I'm not on Team Kyle
with the Gruul thing, though.
It's kind of...
It's that white
mucusy stuff that comes out of pussies.
And I'm just...
I'm not on board with that.
That implies to me that the pussy
is very excited.
Which I find
as a turn-on.
Not all girls have that happen, though.
I know, I know.
But...
That happens... The girls who do have that happen, though. I know, I know. But that happens.
The girls who do have it
happen have it happen because they're
very excited.
They're having a fun time.
Okay, well, good for them, because
gross. I don't want to see that.
I don't want to see that.
Keep that away from me.
Or at least off of my Reddit.
Look, I'm not saying I won't fuck the grueling pussy.
Alright, I will.
But I won't look.
I'm going to wash my cock afterwards.
But, you know, you've got to do what you've got to do.
But what I am saying is
my Reddit, not safe for work links,
is a fantasy land
of incredible asses
and enormous titties
and buttholes being stretched
way beyond the realms of of a physical science you ever see high mileage holes no i can't believe
kyle whenever you say these things i'm like i'm way too embarrassed to admit this but uh
i've known about that one for quite some time, and it's not news to me. It's old hat. Yeah, yeah. High mileage holes.
High mileage holes.
You win this time, my good sir.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's take a look.
There's a link you can show, Woody.
That's Charlotte McKinney.
She is in the goddess subreddit.
I went in the comments, and someone was like, why are the goddesses always these beautiful women with big tits when i think of goddesses i think of helen mirren and she like named a bunch of like women
who like i don't know overcame some struggles and a watson so it's like no charlotte mckinney's a
fucking goddess look at them jiggly titties she's clearly a goddess and and I would even call her a 10. Yeah.
You may be thinking that maybe those don't look good
or maybe they're saggy or something,
but if you go into the comments of that link
and you can see her on the beach,
I don't care for this.
Those are nice. Oh, you don't like High Mileage Holes?
No.
Oh, come on. That's good stuff.
Did you find it yourself? There's no link in here.
I just typed it into Reddit.
Our high mileage holes.
Here, I'll help you out.
Got this saved here.
What makes you like this one
but not just regular vaginas
with a little labia?
Because something horrible
has happened to these ladies.
So it's more the trauma that you're
getting off. Both the anal trauma and
the underlying trauma. Yeah, a quick
flash of my well-used holes.
Wow.
So, for
the audience, about half...
Some of these are
just pussies that are kind of spread
and they're not that shocking for me. Some of these are just pussies that are kind of spread, and they're not that shocking for me.
Some of them are like prolapsed anuses,
and just they're hurt women.
Yes, those are the ones I'm talking about, Woody.
It's not the way a butthole should look like it looks like
shit would just come tumbling out look with plenty of room to spare bouncing off the cavernous walls
not safe work link i'm putting in here but stick with it give it a good 10 seconds this is the one
that i just that got me to close it earlier. I just
saw that one. If you go to
our high mileage holes
and
you search
top all.
The top post there of all time.
This one is called Attractive Girl
Dildo Fun. It's 727
votes up. It's like the fourth or fifth thing down.
Really pretty girl
uh she's naked on a bed kind of sitting sideways and she's kind of got to look like he te he about
to show you something and she bends over and you're like oh that that butthole has been well
used lately it would appear because it's it's a little it's a little pink it's a little spread
and then all of a sudden a dildo emerges and now kyle is sudden, a dildo emerges.
Now, Kyle, is this a normal dildo?
Well, for me, it is.
For the average consumer, this is called the Long Dong 36K.
And it's about two feet of jelly cock, as we call it in the biz.
It's double-headed, one on each end. very nice bright red color to complement her abused ass yes and you gotta imagine how far up her intestinal
tract that thing was this lady knows how to do anal she's all cleaned out if there was a there's
a hint poop in there she'd have found it with this bad boy but no she had the thing all the way in there to the point
where you weren't even aware that she was full of like two feet of rubber cock and it all comes
comes you know it comes out all right that's enough of that why'd i wash that three times
it's my i could be wrong on this i might expose that I don't know enough about the anatomy.
But things can go sideways like that, right?
Like the vagina is a tube, and you don't lose much in there.
But the butt, on the other hand, is a cavernous place, I think.
I've heard that women are just a series of tubes.
And, yeah, I guess a two-foot dildo is pretty safe,
but like a six-inch dildo could be hard to retrieve
there are things that
can be lost
in there
I don't want to watch one of those if that's what you liked
that one auto plays
so beware of that one
I can see that in the shape
that's in the vagina
but you can see that open dog mouth of a butthole she's got going on there.
The guy's pounding her with her legs pulled back in a missionary-ish position.
And her asshole is sort of...
Well, I think it's going...
Have you ever seen those...
Have you ever seen like a lamprey like the sea creatures yeah have the teeth
and shit and they just like are like a worm and they and grab onto that's what all of these gals
assholes look like good shit that's good shit oh man yeah i'm a big fan of that that subreddit
that's always fun um man, well, that's...
But yeah, smaller toys could
definitely be lost in there. There are some
toys that are like eggs,
these vibrating eggs, and they
oftentimes have like a
rope, a string of some kind of chain
attached to them so that they can be
retrieved.
I'm pantomiming. I'm pulling a
very long rope right now for audio-only viewers. I'm pantomiming. I'm pulling a very long rope right now for our
audio-only viewers.
I'm tired.
Well, we haven't talked politics in ages.
Trump
went to Singapore,
but he met with the North Korea guys.
He's being sued
for charitable shenanigans.
I don't know if you guys are familiar with that one that one I suspect
is going to be a problem for him
and I don't know
if there's anything new on the whole
how dare they sue him on his birthday
did that happen?
I didn't know that
Kim Jong Un, I saw a picture of him
people were alleging he's wearing lifts
in his shoes.
Of course he is.
Yeah, they always do.
Like the way he's walking around.
That's a super normal thing for Korean leaders
to wear platform shoes and lifts and things like that.
Because he's like seven inches shorter than Trump
and walking around.
He gains a couple inches with the hair, the hairstyle,
but Trump negates that with his own hair.
He has a counter the hair advantage you know those darn koreans you know that we outsmarted them with that inadvertently and it is pretty obvious these are big lifts and issues like
a couple inches like not flattering but i wonder what it's being received like back in north korea
Not flattering, but I wonder what it's being received like back in North Korea.
Because, of course, they're only getting what they're prescribed.
Exactly.
I saw some of the news that they were putting on there.
And, you know, Trump said some very positive things about him.
So they're playing that again and again.
And then they're playing their own, you know, like North Korea has finally been accepted as a nation. But they're just playing up how well they did and how America buckled under their pressure and stuff like that.
Which is interesting because I don't know if you read what, is it Trudeau said, you know, from Canada?
Like, you know, we'll always put Canada first and represent the interest of our people.
And they're like backstabbers that the american government is very upset with and uh what kim
jung-un said was much more severe but they're letting it slide but they always say crazy stuff
it seems like that's how north korea has always been it's like one of their talking points has
always been like oh the u.s wants to conquer us more than anything in the world but they're too
scared to come over here we're too strong they. They can't take us. They wanted to take us
when my father and his father were there, but nope.
Can't handle us. And everybody else
is like, well, I guess so. This is the only exposure
we have to the world.
Probably didn't have anything to do with that
million-man Chinese army.
I saw a defector who talked about that recently.
They're like, a lot of it
is nonsense, and we can totally see it.
They say stuff
that can't be believed like the first time he ever golfed he got 18 holes in one and then just
you know said the game was too easy and had no interest no one buys that from north korea
yeah that's his body he doesn't poop his body is so efficient that it processes the food fully and
he doesn't have to poop they say that and no one believes it this is what the defector said he says they don't buy that at all of course not yeah
but they also had no idea of the quality of living gap the standard of living gap between north korea
and the rest of the world you know they didn't know that they thought these images were fake
if they did see them that or or just a very small area. But no, everyone in America and Singapore and going on and on
has a standard of living that North Koreans could just not understand.
Yeah, they can't even comprehend it, I would imagine.
It's weird to see those pictures of entire cities
basically just built for show,
like Harry Potter Land at Disney World or whatever it is,
where they're like, oh, we're going to build a huge hotel
for the tourists? Well, no, nobody in the it is where they're like, oh, we're going to build a huge hotel for the tourists.
Well, no. Nobody in the world
is allowed to come here, but we're
going to build it anyway. I've got slave labor. It'll be
fine. It's like a guy
playing
Sim City. I can't tell
what the truth is about North Korea.
This is just conspiracy Woody coming out.
So Saddam
Hussein. Saddam Hussein was an ally of America.
He was our partner.
And we gave him arms and he was, you know, a good guy.
When Iran was the bad guy.
And then he became an absolute madman who killed his own people and this and that.
Overnight.
We just changed our opinion of him.
And everyone's like, oh, okay.
Geez, I thought he was pretty cool.
But now he's a madman. Russiaussia madman irresponsible crazy this and that and then gorbachev comes along and
suddenly you know like yeah maybe we can get a partnership maybe we can be friends with these
guys i could go on saddam who's now um osama bin laden you know he was a partner he took on the
russians and all of a sudden he's our enemy for good reason. So when they say Kim is a madman, I'm like, eh, damn it.
I feel like we fall for this every time.
Is it true that he has that many people done?
He killed his family.
I imagine that's true.
He can't just get away with that, right?
Yeah.
There's no way to corroborate any of it.
And you're also, like you said, hesitant to believe it because you're like well it's not it's not like we there are no examples or not a ton of examples of the
government lying to us about these things to get an excuse to go in somewhere like and so now when
you see stuff like that like uh with asad gassing his people like uh however many months ago it was
it was like wait so he gassed his own people like a small amount
of them while the un inspectors were there and they caught him doing it right after things were
like going kind of well and they were like the civil war was settling down it's like wait but
why why would he do this this doesn't make any sense oh he's a madman he's a madman it's like
oh well uh this kind of sounds like a rinse and repeat
like yeah it's just like it seemed i don't know this this bad man out of control illogical whatever
guy leading north korea trump has been praising him and a lot of people are giving trump a hard
time for praising him but i don't he's like look this guy took over the country at 23 a lot of
other people wanted to take over the country themselves. There was no lock, no guarantee that he would inherit it from his father when he died.
And he did and continued on.
North Korea hasn't plummeted.
I guess it's not doing that well, but the nuclear program did more under him than before.
Their missile program did more under him than before.
He can't be a total incompetent idiot if he managed to stay in charge
and even advance the country he can be i feel like when people hear you say like well he's not a
maniac they go oh well then you're not decrying uh evil deeds that he's doing it's like no you
can be an evil person and not be a maniac over there like you know hire making thousands of people do magic shows for you every day in a courtyard and
making them gladiator fight like he can still be a piece of shit but be a tactical like leader and
someone who's trying to like figure out what's best in his interest it like you said it's hard
to corroborate corroborate anything and know what's really going on in there but i wonder like
all right so he's got people in slave camps and stuff.
What's the alternative?
Is he putting down a civil war?
Like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I haven't heard that.
Is that, like, a theory or something people are floating?
I just floated it.
People are floating this.
People are saying.
As evidence would be, right?
Yeah.
People are saying.
And people are corroborating it. there'd be a civil war if if
he wasn't so harsh on his own people but but really this is a country that's not doing well
so you know maybe it takes that kind of iron fist to keep it in shape otherwise they you roll the
dice and go after the leadership i don't know i don't know i just like maybe there isn't a
situation where you can just be wonderful to your people
and maintain any
kind of power and move the country in the right
direction. I don't know.
It's bullshit.
Go ahead, Kyle.
The North Korean thing.
They spent $800,000
during the year of that great famine
building a mausoleum to
the current leader's father,
Kim Jong-il. during the year of that great famine, building a mausoleum to the current leader's father, Jean-Yves.
1,800 grand?
Yeah, I want to say.
Something like that.
But it was a year in which, like,
that was the year of that gigantic famine.
Like, what I'm saying is they were spending,
frivolously spending money
during the year where, like, millions died of starvation.
You know, there's people who are underfed to this day,
people who are starving to this day.
There's 200,000, 200,000 people in gulags to this day.
They built those nuclear weapons as a bargaining chip,
which seems to be a really smart maneuver.
Not only was it a bargaining chip, but it was a shield.
They've been used defensively more than anything.
North Koreans are hard to deal with.
They had that enormous army.
There's a reason the United States never signed that whole moratorium on the use of landmines.
It's because the way we protect South Korea and prevent the invasion is the whole DMZ is mined the fuck out of.
It's full of mines.
Anti-vehicle mines, anti-tank mines, anti-personnel mines.
And, of course, the North Koreans have been tunneling under the DMZ for decades and decades.
Not just a little tunnel like Vietnam where some guy is going to creepy crawl through it.
Tunnels you can drive a tank through.
And they've got tens of thousands of artillery pieces aimed
at Seoul. Not just artillery pieces,
but rocket batteries.
These aren't missiles that can be intercepted.
They're conventional artillery pieces
that fire enormous high explosive shells.
Millions would die.
It would burn an area the size of Manhattan
to the ground. You couldn't stop that fire.
There'd be no way to respond to that.
How many people live in Seoul? It's enormous. We couldn't stop that fire. There'd be no way to respond to that.
How many people live in Seoul? It's enormous. We've looked at it
before. In the Seoul metropolitan area,
it's comparable to New York City.
Oh, metro population is bigger
than New York. 25.6 million.
Yeah, it's enormous. It's gargantuan.
It's one of the
biggest cities on the planet.
It's 50, 80
miles or something like that from where the
artillery piece is it within range 40 miles maybe i don't know the geography that well but
they're hard to deal with you know i've heard people talk about oh we'd get a bloody nose but
they'd be destroyed and yeah i guess the u.s military might get a bloody nose but the south
koreans would get devastated they'd be fucked. I saw the South Korean president
said that Trump should get the Nobel Prize, and
I don't see how anyone
can argue against that.
Oh, I could.
Based on
what the Nobel Peace Prize
seems to, the qualifications in the past,
I feel like...
I'm on Team Taylor with this one.
Now look, if you're saying that Obama
got one, and therefore any
fucking jackass who doesn't actually do anything
should get one, well yeah. By that
measure, we should get one too. I mean, I haven't started
any wars. I haven't even killed anyone.
I think I've got almost every president
beat in that regard.
So yeah, if you're going to find the lowest
of the low standard, then
that's not how this should work.
That's the funny thing to me about the Obama comparisons.
They're like, but Obama got one.
It's like, all right, so your point that Trump should get this award is that it's a meaningless piece of shit award that you don't have to do anything for, and therefore he's qualified for it now.
It's like, no, it should be seen as like Obama got one.
That was a mistake.
But let's start giving it back to people who are actually earning it now.
So if they denuclearize, does he get one?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, if they denuclearize, it pans get one? Yeah, I think so. If they denuclearize and it pans out, for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have not been knocking what Trump does.
So, all right.
On the right, they're praising him and saying he should get a Nobel Peace Prize.
And I think that's silly.
He hasn't done anything yet.
On the left, they're ripping him a new one, saying, look, he gave up – or better yet, he gave North Korea sort of equal stature on the world stage as America.
And I think, yeah, that and 50 cents gets you coffee.
I could give a fuck, right?
They're saying that he.
There's another thing.
And the third one was that they canceled the military operations.
Good.
That we do jointly with South Korea.
I like that. military operations good in in that that we do jointly with south korea oh and the second one
was that they were holding out like actual peace with south korea like that was a that
these are things that north korea wanted they wanted to have peace that treaty sign a peace
treaty sign in south korea they wanted to have like a meeting and sort of a place on the world
stage and they wanted to have those military operations with South Korea canceled. And in exchange,
we got nothing.
We got a non-binding letter that someday if South Korea disarms,
maybe we'll work towards disarming too.
So,
so far they've done nothing.
But to me,
it said we,
we gave up stuff and we got nothing in return,
but I'm not knocking Trump for it though.
It sounds like I am because this game's not over,
you know,
maybe in stage one,
we give a little and in stage two we get a lot.
We didn't give anything.
We're saving money.
Those military exercises.
That is such horse shit.
That is so wildly super horse shit.
Trump is out there acting like he's clipping coupons by not doing some military exercises.
Meanwhile.
Those things were wildly expensive.
What's wildly expensive is the spending bill we passed and all the money that we dumped into the military when they signed that.
It's the biggest spending bill in the history of America.
And now we're acting like we're clipping coupons by giving up the South Korea joint military exercises?
No.
We did it to appease North Korea to get some points with them.
And the score is not out as to whether or not it pays off.
We'll see. Well, I mean, it wasn't benefiting us i mean stopping them is saving money like i mean you could say that
we we spent a lot of money over here on on these other things but we're definitely saving money on
this one thing that we just stopped doing and they were pretty inflammatory like how would we feel if like
the russians and the cubans were we do them every year and we have for like 50 years i know and it's
imminent we shouldn't and we shouldn't we should no we should absolutely practice with that they
have an aggressive they said they would we're not practicing and say it's not like they're practicing
like target shooting they're practicing
an invasion into their country on their border they're firing missiles over towards guam and
across japan we're allowed to practice they're not they're not doing that anymore and i think
the reason that they're doing that is kind of a show of like all right we're willing to do something
and the big thing that's hurting north korea is still in place the sanctions yeah have not been
lifted against them and so really that's kind of a show
of like, hey, we're going to do something
good. We're doing
something small and inconsequential
as if Kim Jong-un thinks,
oh, they're not practicing their military thing
today. That means we could charge in
and take them over. It's like, no, it's kind of
just a demonstration. But the big
hammer that we've got on them, the sanctions,
that's still there i
feel like north korea coming from a non-expert no fucking idea i feel like their lifespan in this
kind of form of a country is coming to a close and they're trying real hard to appear like a you know
a not just a paper tiger but like it's crumbling down and so they're trying to escape this before
it all crumbles with some dignity and they where it seems like oh you know we also
decided this it wasn't that like our infrastructure was crumbling that everything was falling apart
and we had to like you know desperately like make concessions it's you know we all came to an
agreement it's hard to know i feel like you both made great points right on one hand it does seem
like north korea can't just continue to fall further behind on the other they built this
nuclear bargaining chip that's worked out fabulously
for them. It's why we haven't
gone in there, and it's why
they're being treated seriously as we
negotiate whatever
we get to.
We were never going to go in there. The Chinese
were the whole reason we didn't go in there.
The Chinese ended the war.
That's why there was a ceasefire.
It's because we were pushing them up.
I don't remember to what parallel we were at.
But literally the Chinese came over
with like a million men of infantry
and we fought the Chinese on the battlefield
and they pushed us way back down
to where the line currently is.
We always make it sound like
there are these rogue nations out there
and we're just minding our own beeswax.
We're the good guys.
We just pop in to keep things...
You know, America, we tend to keep to ourselves.
Yeah, let me show you this right here.
So when you think of Iran, you probably think,
Iran is always messing with us, huh?
They're always fomenting a little bit of war.
Look at this.
These are military bases near Iran.
Yeah, but what about all those Iran
nuclear bases in Canada and Mexico
on our border? You didn't consider that,
Kyle, did you?
Yeah, well...
For those of you who are just listening,
we have Iran separated,
surrounded on three sides with
dozens of military bases
from Turkey all the way down to Oman, surrounded on three sides with dozens of military bases from a from a from turkey
to all the way down to amman from turkmenistan all the way to kyrgyzstan and then back down
to pakistan 42 of them completely surrounded i really think iran is being provocative by
occupying that green white and red area that should be our green, white, and red. And we're doing it for freedom.
Yeah, right?
Iran threatens our freedom.
That's the issue.
Why do they hate us?
Is it because we've been poking around in their corner of the world for a long, long time?
Nah, they see us and they go, they got Netflix, those bastards.
The CIA pulled a Russia before Russia did.
And, like, what, did we topple their government
and install our own in the 60s or something?
We toppled so many democratically elected governments
in South America back in the day.
But wait, they were democratically elected the wrong ones.
Assad in Syria won an election that was viewed
and made sure it was legit by the UN.
Won 85% of the vote, and the UN was making sure it was legit by the UN. Won 85% of the vote and the UN was making sure it was legit.
And then suddenly it's like, this madman is gassing his own
people. And it's like,
Just the bad ones. I don't know
if I'm buying this.
Look at these pipes in Iraq.
It seems kind of strangely reminiscent
of that. Yeah.
That's what I call
Is that yellow kit uranium?
Is it?
I smell it.
Dude, they would have Condoleezza Rice come on every cable news station and say shit like this.
Osama bin Laden just took out 9-11.
And we can't have Saddam Hussein's next thing be a mushroom cloud.
85% of Fox viewers felt like Saddam Hussein was responsible for nine 11 because they would mention the two in literally the same sentence,
nine 11 and Saddam Hussein again and again and again.
And they basically was just a propaganda machine to misinform people.
I watched the whole video the other day about how the Cuban missile crisis was
all Kennedy's fault. And, uh, people i watched the whole video the other day about how the cuban missile crisis was all kennedy's
fault and uh and he was the one breaking laws the whole time all along the way and then the russians
were like ready to make peace and uh and kennedy was like well i don't want to agree to anything
publicly so he sends bobby kennedy to fucking negotiate with the russians and they make a
backdoor deal they're like all, here's what we'll do.
We'll take our missiles out of Turkey, but you can't fucking tell anybody that we did it.
You just get yours out of Cuba and make us look like Kennedy's the winner.
And Khrushchev's like, all right, I guess just take the missiles out of Turkey because they're scary.
Why did you put them there?
We did the same.
Why did you put them there?
Everybody's like, can you believe those Soviet bastards trying to put nuclear-tipped missiles just 90 miles from Florida?
Yeah, because that's what we were doing in Turkey.
We were putting gigantic nuclear missiles just right up. And we had, at that time, I'm going to get it wrong, but six times as many nukes as they had.
We had 50,000 and they had 13,000 or something like that.
It was a huge disparity.
I think you're wrong,
because you're not painting America as the good guys.
Because freedom don't come free!
Yeah, they were trying to take our freedom away,
and we needed nukes in Turkey.
I mean, like,
you were right, Woody,
about, like, the whole, whole you know just mentioning the two
names so quickly like and they they tried their best to just conflate like the middle east it's
just all a thing over there it's not like that's a country that's kind of it's just the middle east
it's just you know the whole thing iraq you know afghanistan it's just it's all a bunch of no good nicks over there like yeah it's it's very
I feel like they've pulled this the the rug out of the American people's feet so many times with
this kind of stuff that finally a huge percentage of people are like hold on like we're gonna get
involved in another conflict in the Middle East because you know there's a gas attack that doesn't
make any sense tactically from the person who supposedly did it or there's like weapons here that didn't
actually exist. If we had left Saddam
alone, we, this isn't an
exaggeration, we could have had a moon
base.
Yeah, or just like better
roads. Or, you know the one, I would
have gone with energy independence.
Or pay down the debt.
Pay down the debt. Throw it all on the debt!
Oh, Kyle, now you're doing silly talk.
Why would you do that?
Put it all on black!
Anything would have been better than what we did.
Yeah, they're just bombs.
So I've heard it said that our military is a jobs program,
that we just pour tons of money into it,
and then that money just gets sort of blown up,
and we pour more money.
And it's basically a government jobs program.
I think that's really accurate.
Back to the Romans, right? It doesn't take away from the people more money. It's basically a government jobs program. I think that's really accurate.
It doesn't take away from the people who get involved in the military
that they're not doing something that they think is right and that
does do good in a lot of ways.
I literally had Lockheed Martin in my head when I said
that and Boeing.
I was just kind of clarifying, not the boots
on the ground guys. It's the
Boeing and Lockheed Martin.
I was reading something on the ground, guys. It's the Boeing and Lockheed Martin. I know.
I was reading something about Lockheed Martin,
how much money they made.
I'll have to look it up.
It's like so much money, it's bananas.
I'm okay with that.
Comprehensible.
I almost got a job there.
I hadn't finished college yet.
I'm sorry, Kyle.
I'm telling my story.
Here's the thing about me.
I'm actually really good at interviewing for jobs.
I've gotten like every job I've ever interviewed for except Lockheed Martin.
And the deal was you had to have a college degree.
And I was still going to school at night.
And, you know, the first people, they love me or whatever.
And I get on to the next one.
And that interview went really well.
And they're like, yeah, you know yeah, you have to have a college degree.
These are government requirements.
You can't even work on our projects unless you finish college.
But we really like you, and they move it.
I get to the third level of interviews,
and they're like, yeah, you seem like a great guy.
How did you even get here?
Why am I talking to you?
You need to come back when you're done college
because we literally can't hire you.
It's against the rules of the contracts for the
jobs we're hiring for. And I didn't
get the job.
I like all the money
that's poured into those programs.
I like us having
really
ahead of the curve
planes, bombers,
and things that kill missiles.
See, I've heard... I'm looking for the space...
I was reading something...
about our military
saying, we have the best missiles, we have the best this, that,
and the other thing. And I was reading something,
or maybe I was watching something, and they were
talking about how we're led to believe
that our military technology is so much
better because we're comparing
the amount of money we're spending on it.
But really, it's like, our jet isn't really that much better than the Russian
equivalent jet.
It's just,
we have these ridiculous contracts with a company like Boeing where we pay
them an insane amount to fulfill those contracts.
Like there was one,
uh,
personnel vehicle that they made for maybe it was the Iraq war.
And it was like a personnel carrier and a company that made aluminum got involved in it.
And so they like made the doors and stuff out of aluminum so that they could,
you know,
you know,
fulfill that contract.
And it did terribly,
terribly in combat,
obviously like bullets punch right through it.
It's just a disaster,
but they paid billions for it because it was one of those shady contracts.
So it's really,
you know,
the only way our military,
like actual tech,
like it's still better, obviously, but it's not as much better as we're led to believe. And it's really the only way our military actual tech.
It's still better, obviously, but it's not as much better as we're led to believe.
It's better, and we have a lot more of it.
I think part of it is this, and this is just Woody talking, so I don't know.
But we're often a step ahead, and then it's very expensive to be a step ahead because you have to actually invent the technology.
It's much cheaper to just spy on us, steal it, and then build it 10 years later or five years later whatever the delay is i think that happens a lot skip all
the r&d but we r&d just steal it but but there's plenty of like things to counter that right like
sometimes they will uh invent a bullshit plane that and call it like the thunderbolt and like
make up all these stats that it does and then they'll let
the Chinese steal the plans.
And then they build one plane
and they go, oh, this is a shitty plane.
This war is going to be easier when we die.
Yeah, there was a famous case where that
happened. There was a US agent.
I didn't know this. It was Raymond
Reddington. He was involved
in it. What are you
laughing at? This happened. And the Chinese, I can't keep a straight face. I'm sorry. I was involved in it. What are you laughing at? This happened.
The Chinese... I can't keep a straight face. I'm sorry. I can't do it.
It's bullshit.
Raymond Reddington.
Taylor ruined it. I can't do it.
It's that guy from The Blacklist.
There's a Blacklist episode where this happened.
I love that thing where you describe a
Seinfeld episode
as it actually
happened to you
until people are like
that's Seinfeld
that's Seinfeld
I've been doing that all week
I love doing that to people
oh that's funny
Seinfeld
that's funny sorry for laughing
I'm glad you laughed
I'm glad that we all figured out
this whole North Korea thing
it's like 20 minutes
did you hear the charity thing
I think it's
the charity thing is interesting
yeah so here's the deal
Trump has something called the Trump Foundation
and there's been an investigation going on for the last 20 months
which is before he was president
and it turns out that he's been taking money for his charitable foundation and using it
in ways that aren't charity related.
At some point during his political campaign, he actually put his campaign managers in charge
of the charity and use the money to help him get elected, which is like a big crime thing.
And but also, you know, he would often have the charity buy things for his businesses, paintings, busts, whatever.
And he just kind of treated the charity as his own personal money.
But you're not allowed to do that.
You're not allowed to raise money.
Like a slush fund kind of thing.
Yeah.
He's learning from the Kennedys.
I mean, the Clintons.
I know.
I knew this was going to happen.
I was telling Jackie, I was like, expect everyone to talk about the Clinton Foundation.
They even share a word.
Trump's fine.
The Clintons did it too.
But also, he would lose lawsuits.
Trump would lose a lawsuit personally.
And on more than one occasion, part of the settlement would involve donating to a charity. So he would have his
charitable thing donate to the charity, even though personally he lost, which I guess is against the
rules. If I settle with Taylor and Taylor has to give 10 grand to March of Dimes, he can't just
have his charity donate to there and not lose anything. So what's interesting about it to me,
twofold. One, I think it's going to be a paper case.
I think that they don't have to like get anyone to admit to wrongdoing, that there'll be like bank trails and checks and things that will make it undeniably true.
The other, I don't know that he'll get any trouble for it.
Kind of like every time he, you know, fucks another prostitute or playmate or whatever.
It's like, yeah, this is the guy we voted for.
We knew he wasn't a Boy Scout in the get-go have you seen the unemployment rate i feel like trump is bulletproof
because i mean there's a lot of things going well i think this is this is like a way bigger deal than
fucking a playmate or a prostitute is it i don't it seems like nothing's bad oh i'm not i'm not
saying for like how it'll impact him or whatever. I'm just saying
for a politician,
that should be a worse thing than
oh, he fucked a playmate.
If you have a personal slush fund that you're using
to...
I don't give a shit about his morals,
especially if no one's being hurt.
This isn't like
Al Franken, where he groped some lady who didn't want it.
She was wearing a grope-proof vest.
Well, it didn't work.
Maybe it was a nice American contractor.
Yeah, it was that damn Lockheed Martin.
It was another one of those
military contractor boondoggles
because it could not defend against
the dreaded Al Franken
titty squeeze.
I don't care about his morals. That's never been fend against the dreaded Al Franken titty squeeze, okay?
So,
you know, I don't care about his morals.
That's never been a prerequisite
for a politician in my eyes. Going back,
I don't know, forever,
right? Like, Kennedy
was fucking... Kennedy fucked
celebrities. Kennedy was fucking Marilyn
Monroe. J.R. Hoover had audio
of him fucking Marilyn Monroe. Like. Edgar Hoover had audio of him fucking Marilyn Monroe.
Like, put him to blackmailing.
I haven't heard this audio.
Oh, I thought it was actual an audio sex tape.
It is an audio sex tape.
Have you heard it?
No.
I don't think it's been released.
That guy was so sketchy.
He used all of his influence
to just control huge aspects of the country he used all of his influence to just like control like huge aspects
of the country because he would use his power to compile you know he'd send out like uh trails and
spies on people and build giant dossiers of every politician and then go up to him oh i think we
should do something x y z or fund this or that they'd be like uh no that doesn't make any sense
oh well it'd be a shame if people found out about this, Senator.
Wouldn't it?
Wouldn't that be terrible?
You wouldn't want your wife to find out about that, would you?
Or your constituents?
Nixon is dirty as fuck.
Now, I know this will come as a surprise.
I thought what Nixon did
was have people break into a Democratic headquarters
and steal some papers,
like to get a little insight on their plans
for whatever,
some political campaign.
That was just the thing Nixon got caught for.
Like he was busted on a lot of stuff.
Just recently, I learned about his tax evasion.
This is what he used to do.
While he was president, he would have, he would donate some papers from like a vice
presidential, like, I don't know, meeting records or something like that.
And he would donate them to the Library of Congress, I think.
Just a government agency.
It might have been the Library of Congress.
And then he would value them at $500,000 and write that off as taxes.
And they had no value, really.
It was just a thing he made up.
Like, here's some fucking shit from around the office.
Dental floss and meeting notes.'re worth 500 grand and then he'd take a giant tax deduction by giving
them to like the library of congress so he's on his taxes think about like he did well yeah i'm
sure which really isn't that much more than than trump is doing with this charitable foundation
i don't care about that either because like nobody likes paying taxes and and and you know
government waste etc etc cetera, et cetera.
They're just doing that money.
I mean, you know what they're doing with that money.
You don't like it.
We all pay as little taxes as we legally can.
None of us here are ever like, ah, I don't need that deduction.
Let's support the cause.
No, we take every fucking possible deduction we can.
Let's support the cause.
Your accountant's like, well, you see right here, you can write off all this mileage because you were going here and there and that was a business purpose.
Do it.
Yeah, but you're describing a bunch of legal stuff.
He was just like finding shit from around the office and pretending they were worth half a million dollars.
Oh, yeah, it's illegal.
And he was cheating on his taxes.
Very much illegal, but I'm just saying.
I wish I had more examples off the top of my head.
He had so much shit that he was always doing he was
he was a very immoral guy and they opened china up though is that good yeah it changed the world
yeah we're gonna lose our position of dominance we might look back on opening up china
and saying that is how america lost its number one position uh i i don't think that's historic
how historians look at it.
Whenever I read about Nixon, they always tout that as an incredibly important accomplishment.
See how important it is when America's number two.
Number two in what, though?
Population?
GDP.
We're well behind in population.
I'm not too worried about China. What are they doing over there?
They're growing at 8% a year while we're bragging about three or four.
Well, they've got a lot of room to grow, right? They're bigger.
It depends. There's more than one major. But very much agrarian, right?
They're manufacturing, too. There there's 24 25 cities with over a
million population but you know there's a lot of rural areas and a lot of poor people in china too
china's a formidable country uh you might be downplaying them a little bit i uh i watched
this whole thing about how shitty their military is the other day did you how they keep lowering
the standards like the physical standards and how the the figures for their like whatever that
number is of like soldiers they have is vastly inflated because like every person has to serve
like x amount of time in the military like mandatory but it's kind of like a national
guard thing where they like come in for two weeks and then they never come back again but they're
counting those guys as as like soldiers who are trained and how all their their weapons are poorly maintained and out of date and stuff like that and how they wouldn't
really function in a modern war you talk about their low standards for like their soldiers and
i think aren't we like 20 girls i made that number yeah yeah but but yeah i suppose so
yeah they are too though they've got plenty of you know they're keeping the ladies out yeah made that number up. Yeah, but I suppose so.
They are too, though. They're keeping the ladies out.
Yeah.
I hope we fight
against an all-female army.
That would be A-OK with me.
I like our odds.
If they were drafting
the PMS platoon and they're like,
we're going up against
the female- warring nation.
All their soldiers are female.
Wouldn't you be like, yeah, I guess you can draft me.
Alright.
It's going to pan out.
We've cut off their tampon supply line.
Now we just smell for pennies.
We'll find where they are.
My friend uploaded a paragliding
video today. It's six minutes
long, but you only need to watch the first
40 seconds. Can we watch it
together? I think it's kind of fun.
Yeah, you sold it.
Alright, I'm just sizing
it for the screen a little bit.
I think I had it before.
Alright.
Ready, set, play.
I'll see what happens.
Roger that.
He hits every fucking rock here.
Ow!
One tree, two trees, three, four trees.
Five trees.
I should have played softball. One tree, two trees, three, four trees. Five trees. I'm good.
No worries.
That's all you need to see.
It was fun though.
He immediately breaks out his phone.
That's one way to do it.
It's Instagram.
He's a friend of mine.
That could have gone badly.
I should have played softball
he he's a really good pilot i think highly of his skills but he crashes a lot like i like the leader
in the social media space is tucker got and he's like that's mark honeycutt yeah he crashes a lot
the the comments are like mark honeycutt doing mark Honeycutt things. Stuff like that. It's just fun.
He also had the
audio tape of Martin Luther
King banging the shit out of his wife.
Out of his wife?
Yeah.
Can you back up? Who are we talking about?
Yeah, but he's supposed to be like...
Who had an audio tape of what?
Who had this tape?
Hoover hated Martin Luther King. Alright, you're lying had an audio tape of what who who had this tape we had hoover hoover hoover hoover hated martin
luther king yeah he was he was they were all right you're lying and you're trusting my gullibility
never mind i'm done with this no i i'm not i'm not fucking with you uh why do you think that's
that's unrealistic uh well you consistently fuck with, and I need to have my guard up.
Are you talking about information that they have on... But what about J. Edgar Hoover spying on Martin Luther King would be, like, unrealistic?
J. Edgar Hoover spied on everyone.
Like, that's why he was the most powerful dude.
Well, that's a true thing that happened.
He had autotapes of Martin Luther King fucking his wife very passionately,
being real loud, real ball-slapping
affair, if you will, and
he threatened Martin Luther King
with these tapes, and I'm pretty
sure Martin Luther King was like,
do whatever you want with it, it's my wife.
You know, I don't care.
Well, that's a good response.
Do what you will.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a she's linked an article maybe this one's true i'm looking i have a dream that two or three
whores will show up at my hotel room tonight and we'll have some balls sla dirty, dirty nookie.
And there'll be white whores on the left and black whores on the right.
And I'll bring them together in the middle.
I mean, I've had that dream.
So you're saying Martin Luther King Fucked who? Hoover's wife?
No, no, his wife
His own wife
Oh, I certainly wasn't
That was the unbelievable part
That Hoover was gay
It's unbelievable because Hoover was a
Homosexual cross-dresser, of course
Who kept a boyfriend
So, Martin Luther King
Fucked his own wife Yes, he had uh audio tapes of that but
according to this article that chis has here mlk was also fucking like a whole bunch of whores
and it says uh yeah martin luther king abnormal sex life of orgies hookers and
joan baez who i'm not familiar with i don know who that is, but I guess he was fucking her too.
But yeah, Hoover himself was gay and had a long-term boyfriend who also served in the Bureau.
And he was a cross-dresser as well.
J. Edna Hoover, as Archer's mom refers to him at one point during the series.
I don't know if you've ever seen the movie where
Leonardo DiCaprio plays J. Edgar
Hoover. It's pretty good.
And they make him seem
a little nicer than I think
he actually was. He was a rotten,
horrible person who was one of the
most powerful men in the world.
Yeah.
That seems to be
correct. They always kind of soften that up.
Yeah. Especially if you got
Leo playing you, right?
It's DiCaprio. He can't be that
bad.
Who's the best actor right now?
Well,
Daniel Day-Lewis just did
that fucking movie where he's a goddamn seamstress. Oh, that Day-Lewis just did that fucking movie
where he's a goddamn seamstress.
Oh, that sounds awful.
Why waste the time?
Rather much tag.
So that's upsetting to me.
I don't know.
I really like DiCaprio.
I like just about everything he does.
Jamie Foxx.
Jamie Foxx is pretty fucking good honestly i think uh kevin
spacey is a little out of the loop although as you mentioned it he does have a movie uh coming
out soon it's been in the can as they say for the last two years what does that mean in the can just
they it's been in the film canister yeah it refers back to the time when the film was kept in a
canister but nowadays of course it's most likely digital um so it's the film was kept in a canister, but nowadays, of course, it's most likely digital.
So it's been kept in the hard drive.
Okay.
Not released, most likely because he jumped on top of that young boy at that party.
And then there were all the claims of him groping men and grabbing asses and making inappropriate remarks and such
both on the sets of film and in his private life.
I'm ready for him to come on back
and do something.
He's paid his penance.
I guess.
I mean...
He has it.
But I enjoy watching his shows.
Yeah, right? That's all that matters.
Look, if Bill Cosby were 30 and he could still make another comedy special or something,
I'd be like, you know how Johnny Cash went to Folsom Prison and did that whole amazing set?
I've got that record.
Johnny Cash, live from Folsom Prison.
And you can hear the prisoners in the background hooping and hollering
at the beginning of it. He's like, we're going to use this
for a record so you can't say hell
or shit or damn or anything like that.
And then the prisoners are all like,
woo, yeah! They love that Johnny Cash is
cursing in front of them or whatever.
The Rikers raping blues.
Every now and then on the record, you can hear
the intercom like, prisoners 743
come to the stockade.
They're literally calling prisoners around the prison.
It's really cool.
You'd have Cosby do that, right?
He'd be, Cosby, live from Rikers for the next three to ten.
And he'd just do a set.
He's got plenty of time to write new sets,
to come up with a whole new special.
Now, who else is tired of the same
wheels every Wednesday?
How do you
know I know my pudding if this is
not quality stuff?
He would kill, man. You know how happy
they'd be?
That would kill in prison.
I know my pudding!
I'm gonna to stab you.
It would be sweet release.
I invite you to do it.
I don't know who said that.
It would have been much more difficult to deal with.
I have never seen it coming.
Yeah, I'd love that.
I'd love that.
I'd watch that special just to see but yeah i look i kevin spacey was somewhere in the middle for me he was definitely inappropriate
it didn't seem violent but it seemed like he was taking advantage of situations and making people
very uncomfortable with what he was doing and it was wrong it it bordered on assault to me because
i think of assault as having a bit of a violent nature to it not necessarily honking a guy's butt
the guy if he honked my butt i you're an adult i wouldn't i wouldn't feel assaulted a lot of the
guys he was honking were like borderline like 18 17 or 18 or whatever. I feel like if he honked my 17-year-old butt, I would be like,
whoa! Don't do that,
Frank. I'm gonna tell
Claire. I'm gonna tell Claire.
No, but seriously, don't do that. I'll tell my agent.
See, I think that
you're talking about Kevin Spacey being
on the edge for you. Yeah, yeah.
That's one of the worst ones of that
whole thing. Really? Like, the ones that get
the pass from me are like
louis ck matt lauer like uh no not matt lauer i don't know about matt lauer i haven't looked into
it um and aziz those are the two that are popping into my head aziz and louis both good ones but
like weinstein and uh well aziz didn't do shit that's what i'm saying weinstein and spacey kind
of stick out a bit and of course there's more i don't know all the details but like spacey like it was so many people so many boys like some of
them as young as like 14 that he was exposing himself to and like this wasn't like playful
you know shit and even if it was playful that's wildly inappropriate to do to dozens of children
over the years uh so yeah he he did i mean a 14 year old is a child 14 is pretty old
That's the age you can sit in some countries
Yeah, the shitty ones
You're like Ghana and nowhere else
Yeah, it's because of the life expectancy
He's 16
They don't want to the divergent
We gotta get a Kraken
You know, like
Yeah, he sticks out as a
Yeah Spacey sticks out as one of the worst ones for me
Because it's against kids
I get what Kyle was saying that it wasn't violent
But when it's against kids
And especially with that kind of power imbalance
It really doubles it
Matt Lauer
Fuck he just had a floozy at work
Who was trying to sleep her way to the top
That's
There were a lot of chicks though right That right, that he was kind of inappropriate with.
And he had that, you know, he was always with the sex toys at work.
It seems like everybody, a lot of people came out and they were like, hey, he's really inappropriate.
Like, he's making me feel uncomfortable at work.
And I don't know.
I guess I'm just sexist in this regard that, like, if it's a dude, like, sort of sexually harassing another dude, that just doesn't seem
nearly as bad or as impactful
as a dude...
Yeah, but it's not another adult.
Yeah, you say that, but...
You know.
You're 16, Kyle,
and you're adjacent, at least,
to the film industry.
And some 45-year-old dude
is patting at your crotch and slapping your ass
and giving you unwanted...
Yeah, Kevin Spacey is giving you unwanted things.
I got a good answer for that. I'll tell you what.
I'd be in House of Cards right now.
Yeah, you might.
You'd probably be in House... Alright.
16 is a funny age to pick
because that's literally the age of consent in a lot of states.
I know North Carolina.
You wouldn't suck one dick to be like – what if you get to be like his love interest in House of Cards?
You get to be like that secret –
You'd have to suck several dicks then.
No, just Kevin Spacey's.
No, just Kevin Spacey's.
Well, maybe several times.
You'd have to be the secret service agent on the show.
Well, I mean, it's whatever.
I mean, maybe that's a tradeoff for you.
If it was just words –
If you got smart mouth, mouthwash, and a quip toothbrush, who's to say?
That's clever thinking.
You won't even remember that Kevin Spacey was just assaulting you a minute ago.
Yeah.
If it was just words, it would be different.
But it was like groping and actions and that kind of shit that he did.
You know?
Not that the words would be okay to...
A little crotch.
A little crotch jiggling.
A little salad tossing.
Get under the balls a little bit.
A little bit of that.
You think he did it as Kaiser Soce ever?
Oh, I like that.
Stumble in as verbal.
You know?
You know, act like he couldn't walk right
and give him a big hearty slap
with his fucked up hand.
You're turning me on now.
I got a bum leg, doc.
I haven't seen that movie.
Actually, no.
I watched that a few months ago.
It's so good.
One of my favorite movies.
If you believe he didn't exist.
If you guys haven't seen that out there if you're listening
go check that out that's yeah uh the usual suspects is one of the best movies ever made
um fucking benicio del toro's character so fucking silly so funny subtitles just for him
ruining my attention span like i hardly watch a movie now. Netflix has great things.
The world has great movies.
And I'm like, nah, I think I'll watch this 14-minute video of a guy repairing a diesel engine because I can't commit an hour and a half.
Meanwhile, 10, 14-minute videos later, I'm still there.
I watched Death Wish with Bruce Willis a couple days ago.
Am I mixing up Death Wish?
Death Wish is a remake of the movie from the 70s.
Okay.
But this time, basically, this guy named Paul Kersey,
he's an architect in New York. These hoodlums, led by Jeff Goldblum,
follow his wife and daughter home
from the grocery store, break in, and murder
rape them.
Then he
ends, long story short, he becomes
a vigilante in New York, and he
rides the subways at night and guns down
black people all night,
every night pretty much, just
gunning them down.
Kills a lot of them.
Bruce Willis did the remake of this movie not a good movie not a good movie first of all like they didn't rape his daughter
i was immediately upset that there was no rape just a little groping just a little groping
you know like like not even kevin spacey did more groping than these and then these home invaders
did did bruce Willis' daughter.
And I was very upset.
There was no rape, no penetration.
There was penetration that led to suicide in the original.
That was a good movie.
The rape scene went on for far too long. So the stakes weren't high enough in this one for you?
Oh, you were able to finish watching this rape scene.
It went on for so long.
I mean, just going and going.
It was good cinema, right?
And this one was milk toast in comparison.
Oh, please. I barely got a
half chub. It was like,
what are you going to grab her thighs?
Ooh la la. I feel like they're
rape dodgers, right? It's okay
not to rape, but don't
go pretending you're going to have a rape
scene and then fail to follow
through on it.
I already got in the loop.
It's okay not to rape.
What are you, sticking his neck out there?
I'm not trying to offend anyone.
So these home invaders basically break into Bruce Willis' house while he's at work.
And they murder his wife and they put his daughter in a coma.
And so he decides that he's gonna get himself a handgun
and uh do something about it because the cops are coming up with nothing it's uncle hank
from uh breaking bad he's he's the lead detective on the case and he's shit at his job
he's like i don't know hey what are you gonna do and um and so he's uh he's poseidon in this movie
yeah that's that's my best uncle hank yeah i don't
know what are you gonna do he's gonna shrugs i do a better walt jr and uh and then walt jr
so uh that was more of a jimmy or timmy jimmy so he um he goes on like a vigilante killing spree.
I read some of the reviews early on, like when this movie
was in theaters and people were mad because
he was killing too many blacks.
He didn't kill enough blacks.
First of all, all three of the home intruders
mysteriously white men.
I've seen the Brink
commercials. I know that's true.
I don't like that. like if if the reverse were
true if the facts were that that a disproportionate number of white people were the ones breaking into
homes and then all of a sudden you've made a bunch of black robbers breaking into homes i'd be
scratching my head like that's not true black people black people don't do that it's always
the whites and when the reverse is true i'm equally like come on three
white home intruders like like every criminal in the city is a white guy he only killed like
three black guys the whole fucking movie all right that's incredibly un-pc of you to notice trends
yeah yeah in fact the the proof's in the pudding uh and so you didn't well where are they were
they what city are they in? Chicago Well then it would
Chicago has a huge black population
It's almost all black
And so
It didn't make any sense
I think what you're saying Kyle
Is it's wrong for them to take so many
Black acting jobs away
And that they weren't kind in the production of the film
Yeah they could
have taken a few of the here's what i'd like to say take a few of those black guys from the black
panther swap them out with a few of the white guys in death wish all right then things are
represented a little bit more fairly on both sides a little more realistically as well and and i'm
happy now i'm happy but but yeah i didn't like it because Bruce Willis, I thought, did a bad job of the acting.
I feel like if your wife is murdered and your daughter is put into a coma and you're on a revenge mission, there's no time for any quips.
You're not going to be grinning at any point during this murder rampage you're going on.
And he was kind of lighthearted about it, like he was in Mission Impossible.
It got a little silly. It was interesting that he was a surgeon that was in in the movie so like
when he got banged up or whatever he just like he could stitch himself up or whatever or like
there's one point where he's torturing a bad guy and he's like he knows right where a nerve is and
he's like pouring brake fluid in the nerve in the cut and uh so that that was kind of fun i enjoyed the torture it was directed by eli roth who's known for being hard fucking core um and uh he was the bear jew of
course and uh and eli raw and and there was a little bit of gore that came out of fucking nowhere
all right like there's a lot of gun violence but we've seen that all the time you know a little
spray of blood comes out of somebody's chest it's not gore overload and then out of nowhere he drops a car like you know he jerks the jack out from under a
car and the and a whole buick lands on a guy's head and his brains scatter all over the floor
and they show it i said whoa what the fuck did that come from he must have slipped that one in
like like but i don't know what that was about but yeah if you want to see like
eli roth at his most fucked in in this order there i'm starting at most fucked up but it's
green inferno hostile and then cabin fever as as chis is listed over there i it's green inferno is
uh people in like the jungle being white people being captured by like natives and being tortured
horrifically to death um some crazy shit goes down they sew the chick's pussy shut it's crazy
and uh hostile is of course where the the two guys americans get captured over in europe and
taken to like the the pay to torture richguy warehouse or whatever, where you've got a table full of implements
and you just torture people to death for fun.
And then cabin fever is this skin-eating, necrosis,
flesh-eating kind of virus that gets on these people
who are in a cabin in the woods,
and their skin slowly rots off and they go crazy.
I think I've seen that one.
Which is the one that whatever they touch in the basement
is like indicative of what ends up getting them huh oh that okay that is um cabin in the woods
oh okay that's a new movie which is really good and i try to get people to watch cabin in the
woods and they think it's a standard horror movie, and so they won't watch it.
What it is is a very well-done parody of all of it.
Does that have the guy from West Wing in it?
Yes.
Yes, it does.
Good call.
Okay.
I know this one.
Oh, wait.
The old bald guy, right?
No, he's like a red-haired ginger kind of guy,
and he worked for the old bald guy.
Cabin in the west wing
he was um not toby ziggler um it's um what's his fucking name what's his fucking i gotta find it i
gotta find it there's chris hemsworth kristin connelly anna hutchinson jesse williams fran
kranz bradley whitford richard jenkins his name is bradley whitford josh lyman josh lyman yeah Jesse Williams, Fran Kranz, Bradley Whitford, Richard Jenkins.
His name's Bradley Whitford. Josh Lyman.
Josh Lyman.
He's in it as well.
It's a fun movie.
It's a fun movie.
I'm not going to spoil it, but it's worth watching.
It's a parody of all of the horror movie tropes.
It's a little funny,
but not to the point of throwing away
any semblance of being a little scary. It's a little funny but not to the point of just like throwing away any semblance of being
a little scary it's a little scary but it's it's a really interesting take on like every horror
movie you've ever seen there's a meta plot and it's fun to see it involve or evolve yeah yeah
it's hard to get people to watch it though because they think it's just like another like
goofy horror movie in the woods no no it's not that
you guys watched any good horror movies recently like not the the silly kind the good kind
have you seen the conjuring i i watched that uh two nights ago there you go three nights ago
what'd you think pretty good that's the best that's the best horror movie um it's top five ever it's one of the best horror
movies ever made it's legitimately scary very good acting very good casting interesting story
the third act is probably the weakest for sure like um got slow it got a little slow and uh but um i like the main actor in that yeah the guy from um chis knows his name but he's the
guy from band of brothers yeah he's the uh lieutenant winners ryan livingston yeah thanks
chis yeah i like he always knows that one are you more afraid of i guess what spooks you more
the supernatural kind of horror movie where it's like demons goblins ghouls or
whatever or the kind where it's like serial killer or some deranged torturing guy who's
unsuspecting on the outside like what what kind of yeah so i the um the rob zombie movies make
me very uncomfortable and i don't find them enjoyable at all. I kind of like, because it's real,
and horrific things happen to normal people
that don't deserve it at all.
And the bad guys are often rapey and disgusting
and hard to look at.
He casts a lot of those freaky-looking actors
that have no other use other than to be like scary guy number one and
scary guy number two the devil's rejects is a good example like there's a part where like
he takes the lady's husband outside and kills him and then when he comes back and then the husband
comes back in the room and the but he's bleeding and the lady's like what happened dave what
happened and dave doesn't say anything and then she realizes that like he's killed her husband
and he's wearing his face he's he's peeled the guy's face off and he's fucking wearing it and
it's just like jesus christ that's too much that's i don't need that or like there's i don't remember
which one it might be the first devil's reject or it might be like one of the something house
but like they're all wearing bunny costumes and they're burying them alive and stuff
i don't need that what is that you mean you don't need that like that's what scares you more They're all wearing bunny costumes. And they're burying them alive and stuff.
I don't need that.
You mean you don't need that?
That's what scares you more?
Or you don't need it?
I don't even want to watch that.
I'd rather watch the ghost stuff.
Yeah.
The ring was a little scary.
The grudge when I first watched it.
Maybe if I watched it now it wouldn't frighten me. But the grudge when I watched it at the time
was the scariest movie I'd ever seen. I watched it right when it watched it now it wouldn't frighten me but the grudge when i watched it at the time was the scariest movie i'd ever seen i watched it right when it came out on like a dvd
uh i find the descent uh when i watched that in theaters that was terrifying and um the ring's a
little scary it's not super scary isn't that bad the descent i watched recently as well and for me
the thing that was scary and unnerving in that movie wasn't the the you know pale cave
dwelling ghouls or whatever they are it was all the times they were like tight in there like trying
to get through and they were trapped that's what really freaks me out because it's like the
supernatural stuff doesn't get me as much because it's like i don't i don't believe any of this
stuff like as soon as the movie's over you you stop suspending your disbelief. This is the descent?
And you go, yeah.
And you're like, all right, well, that's not actually scary.
But the thought of your chest being compressed by some rock that's falling on it,
and that's going to be the last second of your life.
It's not going to be the last second of your life.
You're going to stay there and starve to death while your friends try and aimlessly escape.
That kind of stuff is creepy.
This is an unpopular opinion, but I watched The Descent.
I've said it before. The whole
time thinking there would be some
wet t-shirts and boobs involved.
It's a movie about a bunch of
women underground with
lots of water moving around.
It's a horror movie. All horror
movies have some skin, right?
It's part of the agreement we go into.
The bad, exploitative ones do, but
this one was... I love this.
I generally speak... Quick, girls!
They can smell your bras!
I hate the
exploitative films. I want to see Taylor's movies.
I hate when they just
recast, like Ghostbusters or something, when they just recast
a movie with a bunch of ladies. But this set's a
perfect example of writing an original story
with an all-female cast and it
making sense. I remember there being a guy
in it and they just killed him off right away. He dies.
Like he'd be the first one to go.
Well, he dies in a completely separate
event. He is sort of the reason for
their trip. It's one of the ladies' husbands
and then you find out that the Asian chick was
banging him behind her back and then that
puts them
against one another. I love that.
That was great. I love the descent.
I forgot all those details.
Is the second one good?
No. No, don't watch the second one.
I won't bother.
No, don't watch the second one.
Oh, have you seen that movie? It's on Netflix
I think. It's about this deaf girl
who's in a house
and there's like a really scary guy outside who keeps fucking with her i don't want to give away
called hush thank you jizz uh that's a good one like the the lack of sound in it is way more
unnerving than the you know music in a movie it's almost like when you hear music in the movie it's
a it's a reaffirmation that it's just a picture just a film but the complete lack of it like you're
hearing it from her perspective of like nothing and so there'll be times where like there's
something right nearby and you want to yell out to her but it's like she's being fucked with that
sounds good yeah did you guys see gerald's game I did. I thought it was all right. The book was better.
Reader.
Jackie won't let you tie her up anymore, will she?
The beauty of tying up is she doesn't need to let me.
Yes.
I guess we talked about it before.
The game is over.
It was fun.
I thought it was a neat movie. Did you like Gerald's Game? I know we talked about it before i game is over it was fun i i thought it was a neat movie i but did you like gerald's game i know we talked about it where'd you guys stand on it it wasn't
as good as 1922 which i know you hate yeah i was on the other side of that yeah um also annabelle
um which is in the conjuring universe if you've seen the conjuring taylor now you can watch
annabelle if you recall in the conjuring the universe. If you've seen the Conjuring, Taylor, now you can watch Annabelle. If you recall, in the Conjuring,
the doll, remember that creepy fucking doll?
It gets its own movie.
So there's a whole movie about the doll.
And coming soon is a movie called
The Nun, which is a
pre-pre-pre-prequel.
There's a part in Annabelle
where there's this photograph on the wall of a nun
and it's like eyes are following the chick.
It's super creepy, but it's just little little like uh I don't know it in the
same way they sort of made Annabelle like a little tiny part of the conjuring and then spun it off
they sort of did the same thing with the photograph of the nun in Annabelle and so that's coming out
soon we could watch the trailer I guess but it's I didn't think the trailer was very good uh the nun uh something about a possessed nun or a demonic nun or some shit like
that but yeah annabelle's pretty fucking scary um but but the thing is and i've said this before
any movie where the the bad guy is a doll like chucky i was always like bring it the fuck on
bring it the fuck on you little red red-headed bitch. I got tools.
I got tools.
I also got hands that work.
And Chucky didn't have supernatural strength.
He did. He was strong.
But not stronger than you.
He was strong enough to throw a bitch a smack.
Whatever.
Yeah, he wasn't Supermanman or anything he just seemed to
people would sit down so he could hurt them you know as he slowly walked their way he wasn't super
agile he just seemed like a really weak opponent once you got your hands on that little bitch it's
dememberment and melting time and i'm gonna melt you down and put you in a little glass jar
and i'm gonna sink that little melted goop of
you to the bottom of the ocean and that's gonna be the end of you my friend like it's game over
bro you silly there's not gonna be a chucky two three four five six or seven gremlins had hints
of that too i always felt like now look i know there were a lot of gremlins and that's a problem
but a single gremlin how is that thing so deadly uh it weighs six pounds it was kind of a horror comedy okay
um especially the second almost like a horror comedy yeah i've only seen one of them jennifer
tilly's in the later ones with her big titties flopping around everywhere a big fan of that
um in pride of chucky there's always is a babadook still you're still up there for you
i remember i couldn't even finish it i i i refused to go back to it um it was it was terrifying for
me uh i of course when i watch a scary movie like we're not watching that shit at noon with like
with like an ipad you know with reddit scrolling or anything the lights are out it's the only thing
playing i turn the volume up to like 75 of maximum and i'm in a room you know like completely blacked out watching just this and
i focus on it 100 you know like it's a roller coaster ride you don't you know you don't like
if yeah you try to get the intent of the movie uh to to do its thing and it i found the bab the baba duke to be terrifying
just scared the shit out of me and whenever you'd see its face whenever like she's in bed
and the door opens and it's it comes in the room and then it's on the ceiling crawling on the
ceiling toward her in a very unnatural way and then when she like peeks out from under the covers it like like inverts does there's like a 180 and then lurches face to face with her with those sharp
teeth and that crazy fat i was like oh that's it we're done we're done with the babadook i've never
done that with any other movie where i was just like no i'm done we're not watching this i'm not
finishing the babadook and i did i didn't didn't finish it. I won't finish it.
Don't need that. Did that one scare you, Woody, or no?
Not, I mean,
it had my attention, but it didn't have the same impact on me that it did on Kyle.
Like, the creepiest part of that movie was, like,
the little additions to the
book that would come back,
I think, where, you know, it would
come back, and it'd have like
an extra two pages of creepy ass rhymes that were strangely applicable to every little thing that
had been happening there yeah i liked that and then watching her slowly going insane and trying
to figure out like is any of this like real or is she so sleep-deprived, so stressed out, and she just lost her mind?
And this was the little trigger that made it into her head to freak her out.
I still say The Fourth Kind is very scary.
I haven't seen that one.
I watched that when it came out.
Let's watch the trailer for it.
Let me find this.
From which movie? The Fourth Kind. I'm'm gonna see if there's music in it real quick
let's see yeah this seems good okay um so the way this is presented is exactly the way to scare the shit out of me this is this this movie is i remember
watching it in pieces like i would watch 20 minutes of it and i'd leave the room and go into
the other room where my girlfriend was and talk to her for 10 minutes and be like all right i'm
going back well i'm curious can we start it? Yeah. Ready, set, play.
All right.
I hope there's not supposed to be audio right now.
There we go.
Can you state your name for the camera?
Dr. Abigail Tyler.
Okay, where would you like to begin?
I am actress Mila Jovovich, and I will be portraying Dr. Abigail Tyler.
This film is a dramatization of events that occurred October 2000.
Every scene in this movie is supported by archived footage.
Some of what you're about to see is extremely disturbing.
I wake up in the middle of the night almost every night.
There's nothing unusual waking you up.
There's one thing.
There's an owl at my window.
An owl?
The size of a pig.
A white owl just looking at me.
Had you ever seen it before?
Tommy?
When I was a kid, just staring at me.
I've seen it a lot.
Every night this week.
Four, three, two... Tell me about the owl. Tell me about the owl. It doesn't look like a normal owl.
There is no owl.
It's not an owl.
That voice is speaking Sumerian, the oldest language in human history.
You can go into any Sumerian exhibit and see etchings and sculptures of men in spacesuits
and oxygen masks.
Rockets that look like Apollo.
Do you believe in abduction theories?
You don't mean alien abductions, do you?
There was more fear in his eyes than I've ever seen in my life.
What's wrong?
There are more missing people in Nome than any other town in Alaska.
I have to get this out of my head because it's dug in there and I can't think straight.
Scott.
Scott. Scott.
Oh, God.
We gotta send backup now.
What'd you see?
You were there.
I can't explain it.
Someone or something came into my room.
And it took me away.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It came into my room. And it took me away.
Oh, I wanted more.
Yeah, that looks good.
It's...
It's very disturbing.
I wouldn't watch it.
I don't know how it ends.
I have no idea how this movie is going to end.
It's very scary.
It's...
I mean, you probably got a taste there.
Basically what the owl is.
These people's memories have been altered.
Yeah, it's an alien.
It's a fucking alien.
And it's...
When they show the old
footage, like the archive footage,
and then they match it up with
the actor's portrayal,
it adds another
depth to the story.
They play the old audio files
and stuff.
It really
fucked with me for a long time.
I didn't enjoy watching that.
I was afraid they were going to show a specific scene.
And I was having a hard time.
I was like, they're not going to show it, are they?
They're not going to show it, are they?
Yeah, it still fucks with me.
I'm a little scared now.
I want to see it now.
And you don't even want to see it?
Oh, I wouldn't watch it again because I don't want to be scared by it.
It would give me nightmares
and I would have a hard time sleeping alone.
What movie has made you guys
nightmare the most
after having seen it
that you remember?
It would have to be when I was little.
I had trouble with Friday the 13th
back in the day.
Fire in the Sky which is another alien abduction movie of course um when you see the aliens torturing him and uh and again it's
another one that's you know there's he passed a polygraph say about the aliens taking him he
disappeared inexplicably for days he was a logger or something like that his friends saw him run
into the woods after a light they saw and then he disappeared for like three or
four days and he came back and he had holes drilled in his fucking teeth and uh and you know
they they should he shows up naked you know three or four days later all fucked up and he has this
tale of alien torture and abduction and they show it all and i watched that when i was like
and torture and abduction and they show it all and I watched that when I was like
12
and so I couldn't sleep with the lights
off for a long time
because I was afraid they were going to come and take me
well
that's a good one how long is a long time
a month or two
that is a long time
to sleep with the lights on
for me it was Jaws
I haven't seen get out
yet i know it's excellent i've i i everyone says it's excellent i know it's excellent i thought it
was good watch it next time i hang out with chiz i'm gonna watch it uh i want to because he's such
a fucking yeah he's such a big fan of it uh he's been trying to get me to watch it forever chiz has
seen it oh yeah yeah he's always trying to push it on me yeah yeah totally i enjoyed it i thought it was a good movie i don't
understand why people are saying it's a great movie because yeah it's just i haven't seen it
it's like a like a star wars you know the whole world has decided this movie is over the top
incredible super good a part of our culture and i look at it and I'm like, well, it was good.
Like, I enjoyed the movie.
But I don't see why it's considered so special.
Yeah.
Yeah, some movies are like that.
You just don't get it.
Well, Chiz is here to explain it.
For so many reasons I can't go into.
There you have it, people.
Oh!
What happened?
I did it to myself. What'd you do do let's watch a scene from fire in the sky
all right
uh queuing it back up at zero ready set play Ready, set, play.
Am I spoiling this movie for myself?
Oh.
Oh right, we just looked at the fourth kind. Aah! This is some torture shit right here.
Jesus. Jesus.
This is what he said happened to him. Oh, my God. Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on! and i didn't sleep the lights off you know you want to think that humans are way beyond doing that to some creature
we find but are we i mean we'd anesthetize them unless it was medical you think you know how to
anesthetize an alien like a you whack them over the head that'll might do it down that's fucked
yeah that's and that goes on for a long that's just one little bit and are
they trying to learn they got some real steam punky looking equipment yeah i was that first
knife that cut the like latex thing off of him i'm like that thing's not even very sharp that's
not a good knife at all it was like cutting it and then it like didn't cut it for a spot and
cut it again some more i'm like
that's what a dull knife does yeah shitty little hook these are just renegade aliens just like
maybe these are like the serial killer aliens yeah i i don't i don't like alien movies not even a
little bit that's that's what that's what scares me the most we've talked about it before like the
demonic thing is a little it's it's the next rung down i guess
um you believe in demons don't you you know like i don't believe in demons in the in the sense that
um there's demonic possession and like satan is like uh and they're like minions of satan or
anything what i and chis is like oh look at you backped pedal no what i said then and what i'll say now is like
like maybe there's some sort of supernatural occurrence that has a scientific explanation
that early man called a demon that's what i said then that's what i'll say now i i don't know maybe
it's an interdimensional being like that's definitely a thing there are other dimensions
like all those smart people say there are, so there must be.
You said there's a higher chance
of there being angels and demons
than aliens?
Are you going to backpedal onto your
it's a comedy show thing?
What I said was that there was a higher
chance of angels and
demons in the sense that I just described
angels and demons as being something like an interdimensional
being or something like that, or some sort of energy creature that we can't
really fathom that early man called angels and or demons then there was a chance that
aliens have visited earth because i feel like that is like almost then you're not even talking
about like angels and demons anymore exactly i'm not a misattribution by someone else of
of aliens so that's exactly
what i'm saying and it always gets misconstrued by by chiz because of his well we need to have a
super fan pull up the original clip of what kyle said i always say that i always i'm always like
i always you know we're not talking about like angels as like the first creations of jehovah it's not embarrassing if
you do believe in demons like most people do yeah most people do um but i don't believe that there
are demons as described in the bible or in the torah i don't believe that that's for the
supernatural tv show oh no that's all real that's a documentary we all owe them so much so much so so much all right now thank you sam and the other guy
they don't have any superpowers right i'm a little mixed are you sure because they've been
granted some things that you and i don't have for example like i don't know the the word of
the god is on their bones
so they can't be tracked by demons, right?
Well, I could do that to you.
Right.
Well, yeah.
Well, I think it had to be, like, supernaturally done.
It wasn't like a surgeon did it.
Someone just sort of zoomed it on.
Well, an angel did that to them,
but basically that's so they can't be tracked.
Yeah.
Like a no jack.
There's more to, right?
A no jack.
I like that.
I don't think that's the only thing they have going they have a tattoo that keeps them from being possessed by demons because you
know demons can just like fly into you in a black cloud and take you over and if you didn't they
didn't have that tattoo it'd make them pretty easy pickings for you know demons which they're
always facing off with okay and that might be it. And a lot of training, I guess, and experience.
Yeah, pretty much.
And throughout the series, of course,
there's parts where they become a bit supernatural.
There's a part where Sam is drinking demon blood.
He's got a demon girlfriend who's like,
give him a little blood, and that soups him up.
And that gave him powers.
At that point, he could totally make people bleed with his mind and like die you know he could kill people with his mind he had like
psychokinetic powers and crazy shit like that but they had to stop that right away because
basically he was like a crack addict uh and so they had to wean him off the demon blood it was
akin to a drug addiction yeah it definitely was one that made him evil a little bit um so
periodically they they get like souped up a little
bit but it all it's always a mixed bag where we're like oh yeah you could do now you're super strong
but you're also like one quarter evil and we gotta keep we gotta keep taps on tabs on that or you're
gonna get scope full you know uh antichrist mode or something like that so so yeah they're just
regular dudes for the most part who are you know fit and trained well
And have a trunk full of weapons
Are they aging at all?
Like in real life the actors are aging
Is that becoming obvious in the show?
Like if you watch Psych over the course of 8 years
You're like ah
You like your sugar soda don't ya?
You know like
Cause the Well like they don't they're not
suggesting that like a very time passes for us just like time passes for them right like it's
not one of the situations where they're pretending like only a year has passed like they may it's 13
years have passed in the show just as they have for us and they have aged but like when it started off sam the
sam character was like 20 or something like that so now he's just like 35 or something like that
you know i'm roughly speaking like and they're they're dudes so dudes age well anyway and both
up like first of all jensen ackles was literally like a male model soap opera act is he the taller one the short one he's uh he
was like in days of our lives and shows like that like he's gonna look good when he's 60 uh and uh
but but they've aged well they're still good looking fit guys both of them like you're never
like like they're fit they're in shape they're athletic uh and they're good looking which which
is what their characters call for, right?
Because they're either fucking chicks or killing demons.
Yeah, I was wondering if they would still pull that off.
You know the situation from Jersey Shore?
I have no idea what he looks like right now,
but I bet the situation has changed.
Whew!
Does he?
He's Italians, right?
And all that sun.
Oh, now I need to see come on like that's a trifecta of doom and despair right there i bet he looks 80 by now um
chis sent us an unrelated link but i like to imagine that's what that's a situation on the left he's i what i'm looking at i'll give you a this is the whole google search it might take you to
the picture i'm seeing he's uh cute but not the situation i clicked the one at the top um like
three from two from the left or something like that.
Yeah, he's definitely gotten older.
He's aged better than I thought he would, being an Italian beach bum who drinks a ton.
You would think that he'd have really went off the cliff, but that's not that bad.
Good for him.
I just finished the most recent season of Supernatural last week or something like that.
It's still a good show, man.
It really is.
They've got the devil's son as a character on there now.
He's a real asshole.
No, no, the opposite, right?
Because his mother was a good person, and he's been separated from his father right from birth.
So the boys raised him, and he ages been separated from his father right from birth. So the boys raised him. And he
ages super fast. He's like six weeks old
but he's like a 19 year old guy.
And he's
got crazy scary powers and stuff like that.
It's fun. It's fun.
He's kind of like a loose cannon because he
hasn't mastered his powers. So every now and then
he accidentally kills a security guard
or some shitter. It's good stuff.
We all make mistakes. Their mom's a character in the show she was brought back from the dead like two seasons
ago or something like that and uh so she's fun wait there why don't they bring their dad back
and that um other dude the because he's negan now and he's got a shit going on
okay fair point and there's another dude who used to help him Did they bring him back?
Crowley, the Demon King?
Definitely not who I'm thinking of He was kind of a redneck
Oh, Misha, the, oh, a redneck
Oh no, well, actually they did bring him back
Because they went to an alternate dimension this season
He was there
He was there, the alternate version of him
And it was like, what's going on, idgits?
And they were like
come back to our dimension he's like okay and so they brought him back yeah really his name's bobby
yeah bobby bobby yeah yeah so he's back in the show now he's back in the show yeah probably for
a limited time it's hard to say you know maybe four episodes maybe 10 maybe a whole season uh
that's fun yeah all. Call it a wrap?
Sure. Yeah, I think so. Check out our
sponsors. Links down below.
watch those movies that I recommended.
They're terrifying if you really want to scare.
I really want to. I want to see the fourth kind in particular.
Yeah, me too.
PKA 391.