Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #399

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

On this week's PKA, our guest cancelled last minute so it's just the fellas this week and the go over the KSI vs Logan Paul upcoming YouTube boxing event, the boys share some stories from their childhoods... always a fun trip to take and of course this might be one of the most disgusting episode of PKA of all time what with discussing a particular museum and a "38 Special Castration", so you all enjoy that.

Pain Killer Ready, episode 399. Kyle? Yeah, a few sponsors tonight. Stitch Fix, Luminosity, Happy Time Murders, and Netflix's Disenchantment. We'll talk about that stuff later on in the show. But yeah, we were talking about something very fascinating. Asbestos! It's a real hot-button issue right now. It's what everyone's talking about. Asbestos. It's trending on Twitter. It's not. Nobody's talking about it. Nobody's talking about the asbestos.

I didn't know that they were's talking about the asbestos i didn't know that they were still making business uh buildings with asbestos but apparently they are yeah see this is why i was confused by hearing that the epa was like allowing asbestos or in the in the in new products because from what i understood they never stopped using asbestos for things like breaks and insulation and stuff i don't think they ever stopped i found outos for things like breaks and insulation and stuff. I didn't think they ever stopped. I found out. I don't know.

So I didn't know anything 10 minutes ago, but I've been doing research while you were fixing your internet connection. And it turns out that this is the scoop. You're right. There were some approved uses of asbestos. I learned recently. I mispronounced that my whole life. Along with so many other words. But what's new is this, the EPA, this is a great topic. I'm sure people are at the edge of

their seats. The EPA is allowing new uses of asbestos, whereas previously they never did. Previously, it was like an automatic thumbs down if you tried to make a new product with asbestos. down if you tried to make a new product with asbestos. And now, not only are they allowing new uses of asbestos, but they're not using the history of asbestos research that's out there. Everything is going to sort of start fresh with a new look. And there are some people who are like... They're remarketing asbestos. Yeah.

So there are some people who are like, oh my god, like we know that cigarettes cause cancer. We can assume that cigars cause cancer and then use that body of research that exists. No one's been researching asbestos for 30, 40 years now because it wasn't allowed in new products. But they're going to sort of start with this clean slate. So it's almost like an innocent until proven guilty thing on asbestos, which may be bad. You know, like I don't want it in my... I'm going to exaggerate. Come on.

All right, Kyle. I've heard that asbestos is responsible, similar to lead paint, for high crime. I think it would make an excellent air conditioning duct. And unless you prove otherwise using brand new research not leaning on the past, then we're making air conditioning ducts out of it. Right, Lance? I want a sweater. I want an asbestos sweater. Keep me warm in the winter time like like i i don't care oh it causes cancer like

over the course of how long is this like smoking a cigarette a day because if so i'll take the extra warm coat i don't like yeah how many times like mush my face in the asbestos and like huff every day like i'm not gonna do that if i'm near it is it gonna give me cancer or am i just like being munching on it a retard? I think that's the thing. You have to breathe it. If you breathe it, you get it. It's almost like black mold. Black mold is really bad for you

and makes your eyes dry, makes your nose water, can make you sick. But unless you're near the mold, like on the wall or floor or whatever, being like, yeah, that's mold. You're going to be it forms it forms in your um your ventilation system in your house asbestos no black mold black mold yeah well in that case let's forego the asbestos air fresheners but use it in insulation and

that's what killed people well don't go digging around what killed people oh you'll be fine do you want to die maybe five to seven months earlier or do you want to be cold your whole life this is the Walder Frey argument this is exactly the wall now you're on the other side of the coin. I'm a hypocrite all this time. You want to spend an entire life shivering or live six months less, but you've had every winter was just toasty and the energy bills were low. And your air conditioning ducts were fireproof all that time. Yeah.

This saves lives, really. I think you're turning me around. I should be pro-asbestos all this time. I think they use it in racing suits and stuff like that to keep you from burning alive. Yeah. I'm not sure. When you're racing like that, though, it's either die right now or die maybe a long time from now. So I'm totally in favor of that. That's the whole argument here.

I say asbestos everything. Kind of like when D, like doing something bad to protect you against something even worse. Like when D and it's always sunny starts smoking because smoking can somehow lower your risk of Parkinson's development later in life. It kills the germs.

It kills the germs. The apple seeds. There's a lot of science in this. It'll suffocate the germs. That's how it works. Not the apple seeds, the apple seeds you know there's a lot of science in this yeah it'll suffocate the germs that's how it works we're not the apple seeds the apple skin that's what they think i mean this proved me with medical science all right you eat something with germs on it germs are now inside your stomach you tell me germs don't breathe oxygen that's what i've always thought about like uh you know what probiotics are yeah like they'll be like oh sauerkraut that's a

probiotic it's got living organisms in it it's good for your stomach flora and gut you know uh bacterial foundation or whatever like couldn't you call anything probiotic because like the ham sandwich i make and eat has germs all over it that's gonna grow and in my gut and help out right that's how it works. Yeah, I think anything that's anything with bacteria on it. Anything that exists in the world is, you know. Except for alcohol. Well, some alcohol like beer isn't strong enough to kill germs.

And it's yeasty, right? I don't know any of this stuff. I was just kind of making this up as I went along because it's funny. It's the same as every other topic we talk about. But if we're done with asbestos and shit, I have a conundrum. An interesting thing that's happened in my life recently.

So some friends of a friend that I've hung out with only a handful of times, they're lesbians. And they're cool. I really don't know them that well, but they've always been nice and courteous and fun to talk to. Sure. Are they hot lesbians? They're the kind of lesbians that they don't show on TV. Like the real ones. More like overall kind of lesbian than like, oh, let's push our perfect tits together and make out on a train in front of people.

Not that kind. Okay. Definitely lesbians and they uh so my girlfriend was talking to them because she's friends of theirs and she came to me and was like hey i was talking to them and they they're a few years older than me and the lesbians i mean and she's like oh these two lesbians, they really want to have a kid. And after hanging out with you a few times, they really think you're handsome and that you're very funny and clearly smart. I was like, oh, that's really flattering of them. And I'm thinking that they would want to have a child like me.

Wow, neat. And my girlfriend was like, and they want to know if they can have your sperm. And my girlfriend was like, and they want to know if they can have your sperm. And I was like, I'm going to have to think on this for a bit. I'm going to have to think on this because isn't that a little weird? What is the method of sperm delivery? Well, I told them the only way I'll do it is if I can blow in one of their mouths and she spits it into the other one's pussy and i get to watch all right i was gonna assume that yeah the way you know all god's children are made but uh that is a little bit of a lot to process right you don't think

about that as anything until you get asked it like if you would ask me you know a month ago hey would you be okay with giving sperm to someone? I'm like, I just have to jack off in a cup or something or whatever. Yeah, sure. Okay. A month ago? I'm saying like this happened recently. So like if you asked me a month ago, I'd be like, okay, whatever.

Yeah, sure. I didn't put any thought into it. But then after thinking about it for a second, when being requisitioned for my sperm, I was like, ah, do I want like a little me out there running around not knowing who his dad is like i give the sperm and then i have to like sign a paper like signing off any right i have for the child and i'm like ah no that that's a little upsetting in a way you know like you wouldn't want your own progeny running around out there and not being able to do anything about it like i don't know i'm still a little split on it. Where are you guys coming down? They make these bullets, and when you shoot the

bullet, there's a wildflower seed inside of the projectile. And so you can just spray them everywhere and know that someday soon, all of that random spray that you just shot into the forest and the gutters

and the gullies and just the most horrible places in existence are going to soon be filled with wildflowers. And what does that have to do with what I said? A whole lot. I think the lesbian is a horrible gutter that you're somehow improving with your sperm. Not her in particular, but maybe. Maybe. I haven't seen her. I haven't seen this. So it's all women are kind of a gutter that you're somehow improving with your sperm uh not her in particular but but maybe maybe i haven't seen her i haven't seen so it's all women are kind of a gutter that need a purpose i'm picturing these lesbians as someone who would make good firemen right just just based on taylor's brief description they can haul a wounded person out of the second floor no no no okay no no if i were burning in my in my place i wouldn't be like help lesbians

like no i'd want a big burly man to come up there and save me but do you guys have any thoughts on that like given your sperm so someone else like so lesbian couple or whoever can have kids like it's kind of odd first of all i have heard uh on on reddit of situations where a man has done this and then like the lady came back at him for child support anyway. And that was terrifying to me. That's so fucked. I'm sure there's some paperwork you could get to prevent something like that.

I'm going to consider that. They were like, well, you're the baby's father. You're not going to provide? Well, we had a whole arrangement. The judge was like, so was it like a pinky swear arrangement or yeah, you're paying yeah oh no well now i've definitely made my mind up and look i'm just speaking out of my ass on that but i have read of those circumstances happening i don't know state by state or if

you could get some sort of pre not prenuptial agreement pre turkey baster in her pussy agreement um like to make sure that she doesn't ever come because you know i mean you don't know these people um and you might want to get to know them a little better right like what if they're crazy and like fucked i definitely don't know them well enough to give them your seed a child let's let's stick it no no from henceforth give them their give them your seed that's how we're going to refer to this i I like that more. So I just, I quick did a little Googling to find out about this sperm donor child support situation.

And in Kansas, that happened. In Kansas, a guy got held liable. They went to the courts, and now he has to provide, and it said that there must be a physician involved in the process. So I thought to myself, well, he probably fucked her, right? Like, hey, would you be my sperm donor meaning like would you blow a load in me

it turns out he donated three cupfuls of sperm that she used to inseminate herself i guess eight ounce juice glasses full to the brim yeah like a cup i don't fine that must not be like 16 ounces right because a cup of sperm would take be like 16 ounces, right? Because a cup of sperm would take me a while to come up with. No, of course not. It's a specimen cup. It would be old and cold by the time I developed the first cup. Like, you know, all those 4chan posts that they used to put up there more often where they'd be like,

this is my cum box or this is my cum sock or this is my cum sock or yeah yeah cum shirt or my cum wall mouse pad just recently i saw the cum wall on there where a guy was like this is the wall i turned to my left and i blow my load on it every night and then i turn around to go to bed and he showed the picture of the wall and it was uh like you know like stucco walls on like an arizona home where it's got like different textures it was like that but like it slowly went from that to like a visible mound like of brown and yellowed semen in dripping patterns you know it was thousands of years from now people will think that was like a cave stalagmite or tight whichever one's coming down disgusting yeah but anyway i'm not planning on

giving them my seed because well first of all that point that you just brought up and woody confirmed is probably the best point but also there is something emotionally weird about it right where it's like oh there's gonna be a kid out there that i'll never have anything to do with like what if these two people end up being terrible parents yeah see i think i think that's what you have to start with um uh is make sure that you really like these people if you're going to give them your seed um and i like the switch to seed well done yes if you're gonna if you're gonna give them your seed then you definitely want to see like who are these people and ask them like well what the fuck happens if like she leaves you like then you're stuck with

my baby and then like what are your plans then you know like like what do they do for a living you know like like you can't just donate i don't even detach from the parenthood aspect of it like i keep hearing this concern about like the the couple's future together and things like that what if they get divorced what if this you're just providing a way for two women to be parents yeah but but that's you know it's it's your seed and and so it's going to be your little eggplant somewhere running around fucking head button glass tables and shit like that taylor's talked about the biological imperative to become parents and procreate right if you don't have that biological imperative then you parents and procreate, right?

If you don't have that biological imperative, then you're weeded out of the gene pool. What's wrong with you, dude? Shouldn't you just be Johnny Appleseeding it all over? You could become like a gay couple's donor. It could be a thing. This could be the start of something beautiful. I want to be the Genghis Khan

of gay couples across this nation. I'm just giving out seeds willy-nilly. Hey, you need some? Yeah, but we're a little abusive to each other, but we both like snatch. It's like, you had me at hello. Give them a little more seed. I'll be exhausted. But man, I could reform the world. There'd be a bunch of large-headed, But, man, I could reform the world. There'd be a bunch of large-headed, very early puberty-starting children out there. I want to see the gay version of Taylor. I will remake Generation Z in my image.

This is a brilliant idea. I don't see what could possibly go wrong. But you do need to involve a physician in the process. Yes, I need a physician in the process. And apparently there's a way to sign off legal rights to the kid. But as a man, I have no confidence that our legal system will uphold that in any way. People are always like, you didn't get a prenup, dude. It's like, no, so many of these rich divorces you see they did have a prenup and then the wife was like i'm getting divorced and guess what you're on the hook for attorney fees and so you hire your 1-800 you know lawyers for less guy and i'm gonna get you know a giant firm to

represent me and we're gonna win like that kind of shit happens all the time so prenups aren't these ironclad thing in the same way that you know ha ha get off scott free for the kid is is not a thing actually dude i the the thing i told you about was the 2014 article i found a 2016 article saying that he got off the hook epidemic no it's the same guy he only had to fight for two years taylor yeah taylor i don't see why this could be wrong yeah but he probably didn't have to spend like tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal representation. No. Lawyers are cheap. It's like hiring a painter. And the legal system is known

for making women who come after men falsely to make them pay afterward. They don't get slaps on the wrist. If you think women get slaps on the wrist at every level of our legal system, you're silly. And you know what they say about the wheels of justice? They move fast. Yeah. The wheels

of justice are a well-oiled machine. We know that. They move fast. As Kyle knows better than any of us. All right, still rolling. Maybe don't inseminate your girlfriend that you've known for months.

Friends. Oh, friends. Oh, no. My girlfriend was on the same page. She was like, yeah, when they asked me, I wanted to be like, do you know how weird this is? That you would ask the girlfriend of the guy who, you know, he's currently fucking me. If I'm your girlfriend, I'm possessive about you.

Like, a little bit. That's where I would be. I figured you would say no, but I wanted to bring it up because it's partially funny anyway. Now, Kyle, you think that's a crazy thought based on you. I don't think it's a crazy thought, but, you know, she should be open with his cum. She should want his seed to be spread far and wide. She should understand. It's really just ratification of her good decision making. The fact that other people want his cum means that he's good.

If she's going to be Genghis Khan's bottom bitch. Genghis cum! Genghis Khan's bottom bitch. Then she's going to have to accept that he's going to be fertilizing a lot of pastures. I'm going to ruin Mongolia in a way that hasn't been seen for 1,200 years or however long ago that was. That is odd. Really, I'm not going to do it. You guys actually brought up better points than I had.

I didn't even consider the legal ramifications of that. Would either of you have ever done that in your life? Kyle, if someone came up to you and thought and said, hey, I want my son to have a successful, short-lived YouTube channel, and you've got to come for it, will you provide your seed? What do they look like? Who are these people? They're just, say that they're like a boilerplate gay couple or lesbian couple or

something nothing special not like you know muscle beach fit and not like rosanne fat or something just really no i know i wouldn't give my my seed to some average people some some normal people no so if it's dennis from always sunny and neil patrick harris oh they could have my seed. Okay. I don't care what they do with it. They can have it. Yeah. I don't think Dennis is gay in real life. I'm 100% positive he's not.

And Neil Patrick Harris is married and already has like two kids. But I didn't know his husband's name. So I had to switch it up. Mrs. Neil Patrick Harris. I don't think that's it. That's what I'm going with. Doogie Howser. Yeah. I'd give Doogie Howser my seed.

See, but you got to think about it. I wouldn't give very many people my seed. Like, you don't want... Or, no. I don't know, man. I'm so split on it. Like, Woody's point of, yeah, just kind of rework the world in your image and make a bunch of kids and there's going to be a hundred of you who knows you know when these kids are 18 two of

them might meet and fuck and make like a retarded version of me like oh that's so much possibility this is like the plot for multiplicity right like by the eighth copy of taylor it's not a good copy no it's just it's just a big head, you know, terrible political opinions. Just the worst. A total moron. You know, we wouldn't want that. But I thought that was interesting, being requisitioned for sperm. If it happens again, I'll keep

you guys updated. Yeah. I didn't tell them no myself because I thought that would be awkward. So I just sent that back through the grapevine. I would have wanted to know exactly what method they wanted to use. If they were going use the the doctor or if they were going to get the turkey baster out or if they wanted you to to to to hand fertilize to hand fertilize yes so like come in my hand and then like feed it like you do a giraffe exactly like that use a super soaker or one of those

crazy straws. Or I can feel its lips tickling me. Just like a horse. Yeah. No, I wouldn't... It would almost seem more natural to just do it naturally and fuck them than it would to go to some sterile clinician.

What about near naturally, right? What if she just laid back with the speculum? Is that how you think this is going to work? You fuck them both and whichever one gets pregnant... Maximize your odds. Bad news, Taylor. Now, thank you for the baby, but you're on the hook for one abortion. Oh.

That would be... That would be fun to go into it like super ignorantly. Alright, so which one of you wants to go first yes wait what no that's not how it works no no I'm gonna give you my seed you guys are gonna snowball it until I'm done with watching

and then you can use it oh god it's terrible that's one of the grossest fetishes spitting back and forth i remember jim jeffries talking about that on the ona show before he became you know this fruity tooty dude on comedy central who's not fun he's so disappointing because he used to be hysterical on ona and he was talking about like how he likes snowballing and patrice i think was was giving

him jim jeffries yeah where he was like oh yeah mate yeah blowing her mouth she spits it in mine i spit it back she spits it in mine it's hot and patrice is like you that's gay you don't see that you don't see that and it was like like patrice and like jim norton and so many others like no it's your own sperm it's not gay and patrice was the only voice of reason he's like i didn't know i've been sitting here with all these gay men like you're all gay oh patrice he left too soon yeah jim norton jim norton's gross i didn't even know where you were going i thought this you were like you know spitting the sperm back and forth. I thought there were two girls involved, right? You supplied it.

It was him spitting his own cum to the girl that just – convoluted and gross. Now, Taylor, is it also gross when it's threesome and the two girls are swapping afterwards, sharing in the bounty? Frankly, if I'm done and I've cum, I do not want to watch that because you're just like oh this was you know what i mean like 30 seconds ago but i'm having a moment of clarity here it's not hot anymore every time you come you're like making grand plans and then you finish like oh oh no ah is this the kind of person you are guess so you know but like if you were giving cum to a lesbian couple or uh in kyle's case neil patrick harris and dennis and you went into the the clinic you came in the little cup but it wasn't like one of your good loads it was like maybe like watery or something.

Like maybe you jacked off recently before that, and it's just not one that you were proud of. Do you give them that one, or do you go, give me a couple days off, and I'll come back and give you a real winner? You're supposed to take a few days off in advance. You don't just show up willy-nilly. These are last-second arrangements being made, Woody, in order for this to make sense.

You're at Applebee's, and they come over and go, hey, we also like any Tizers. Do you want to give us your answer? You'd be perfect. I think you just give them what you got. You just add a little warm water to it and pretend like nothing happened. Oh, to kill it? Like, what is the warm water for? So there's more volume, so they don't think less of me.

to kill it? What is the warm water for? So there's more volume, so they don't think less of me. This is the clearest and weakest lurking sperm I've ever seen in my whole life. It's going to be a little watery, so you add a little bathroom soap that's kind of like cream color to it as well. Now he's thinking.

That might kill the sperm, but it would definitely... Oh, he even comes in clean linen. Yeah, that's a great smell. yeah i wouldn't yeah just give them what you got you know you don't want to be jerking off in a facility repeatedly days on end and just give them what you got when you got it how much money do they pay you to donate sperm 175 dollars no you're making that up yeah i'm making that up yeah damn it i was that seemed like a lot if i remove myself from the intimacy of the equation i feel like i could donate sperm at

a clinic as long as i didn't know and like in my head i'm like yeah it's probably still frozen there probably no you know my face didn't come up in the catalogs god damn so i just googled it real quick and the first two results say a thousand a month and 1500 a month what yeah sounds about right now here's one that says i've got a ton of sperm let's look this up i found another source that says between 100 and 125 a load which is a thousand a month so i guess about 10 loads a month. $100 a load? And I've been doing this for free since I was 10? I will say, I think you need to take like three days off or every third day, something like that,

for this math to work out, which means that all of your loads need to be dedicated to this job. That's okay. You bring your girlfriend with you to the clinic. Aha. And then you just fuck until you're almost there, and then you make $100. And then break out the cup.

Wow. This is perfect. It's like every one of your dates is paid for now. $1,000 a month. I'm going to look into this. Wow. There really is something weird about this. Because it's like like if i see the people specifically then i get the vision of like my kids gonna be raised by these people i don't

know them but if i do it through a middleman not my problem they're the ones who have the sperm they they hand it out you know and manage everything they're the ones who are dealing with it the need of right now is like smart not a good idea but like college woody used to think this would be a nice way to get some extra money back then the rumor was it was 50 bucks a load which is about right right for the 90s you know maybe expect that blood what do you get for blood i don't know can you still sell blood i know a guy will pay you good for blood huh is he a vampire i feel like such a shyster selling my blood considering like everybody gives it away for free. But I always felt like a Mark.

Is there another word for Mark in your pansy? Like a Rube. Yeah, a Rube. Maybe that's not what Patsy is. Anyway, because they make tons of money. If you ever needed blood, they charge you like $1,500 for it. And then you're giving it away for free. Here it away yeah they get it for free and they sell it for thousands my goodness yeah x jaws had a business based around this very idea once and

i was like dude it sounds brilliant like basically going to colleges in like a blood van and buying blood from students and then turning around and selling it to the plasma centers or whatever. Yeah. Can you just show up with a barrel of blood to a hospital? It's all mixed together. I got 45 gallons here.

It's good blood. Our unlicensed blood supplier is here. You mean the 19-year-old in the van? Yeah. That's our blood guy. Why's he got two spackle buckets in his hand? It's like, that's the blood! Yeah, no,

that's a silly idea. Is it silly or is it brilliant? I feel like if somebody actually... I don't know why, but I assume there's a lot of red tape around blood collection. Like there's laws around it or something in our way but if x jaws was the guy who moved the mountains to actually get in the blood business it would be brilliant this is a similar thing like right now medical marijuana

is legal in a bunch of states but recreational marijuana is not that's's still a thing. So if you're the guy who goes through all the bureaucracy to get your marijuana legal medically, then you might have a brilliant business going on. You could be the medical marijuana guy. The barrier to entry is all that bureaucracy. Most pot dealers aren't good at that, I would presume. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe you could be the blood man. There's a parallel to the blood guy. That guy business is great it's it's a worthless idea without execution of course which is you know how much you got on it so far but you know if someone were to execute on that idea they could get rich get those blood vans out there suck them dry. All you need is a knife, a couple Home Depot five-gallon

pails, and you're rolling. And maybe a Breaking Bad RV. This is a terrible business. I don't know how much money you'd have to put in. I feel like you'd have to be some sort of... What's a blood expert called? A vampire. A bloodologist? That a vampire a bloodologist that's not right but that's what we're saying like no that wouldn't make any sense but i mean why give away

blood if they'll pay you i i refuse to give mine i'll give away can you give away other stuff on your body like hair spit spit uh fingernails or something fingernail clippings um i always say those are all the fluids i'm coming up with there are all my baby teeth just i got all my baby teeth yeah there are people who give away blood because it helps them medically like um like make too much blood yeah so i guess i learned about it um i looked into getting tests like like TRT. I was like, I want more testosterone. Let's get myself on steroids. But my T was too high, so I didn't get it. But back on topic, when you're on T, you make too many red blood cells and it makes you more apt to clot, which can be dangerous. So people who are on TRT therapy often donate blood just to reduce that and keep things in check.

Cool. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. There are other medical conditions too which would make donating blood good for you. But still, it doesn't answer the question of why you wouldn't sell it. Sell that.

If anything, it's super blood, extra oxygenated with, you know, double the red blood cell count of the mortal blood. Yeah. I mean, maybe I've got like a rare blood type. Maybe they'll pay more if you got like AB negative. I've got O negative. I don't know what I have, but I can make it up and get at least one sale.

No, you don't know your blood type? No, no. If I'm ever in a traumatic accident, I'm in trouble. No, they'll give you my blood because it's universal. Mine's also universal, but on the positive, O positive. Cool. I think I'm A negative or some shit like that. I have no idea.

Mine burned into my head because we had it tested in high school and I had a joke lined up for if I got an A and a joke lined up if I had a B. And I got O and it's like, that's not funny at all. And I'll never forget my blood. That's how it went down. Yeah, my whole family has O negative blood, like all of us do.

Well, also not funny. Yeah, really useless piece of information, really. Yeah. Yeah, I think I would donate the the uh the lesbians but only if they were attractive lesbians how does that oh because you want your kid to be attractive because they are half the bio makeup no i don't give her hear about that i just i just wouldn't give something to to some ugly lesbians i think i think that would be the thing what if one of them's hot what? What if you're like,

all right, but she needs to carry my baby. Yeah, I could see that scenario. This is actually a funny, this would be a funny sitcom moment. The lesbians come to you and they want your sperm. And one of them is smoking hot and the feminine one.

And the other one is more butch and more male in appearance. And you agree to everything and you're like yeah yeah this is gonna be wonderful can't wait for sarah to to carry your child and you know what what wait wait sarah no julie julie's carrot you you clearly you no no no sarah she's gonna be carrying it and sarah looks like the second baseman for the dodgers and he's like well i i don't i don't think I want her to have the spurt. I wanted you to have the spurt.

I could totally see having that mindset for some reason. It's really fucked, but I could. Yeah, you're trying to make beautiful babies. Well, that and I just don't like ugly people. Who does? Not anyone. So there's a patreon ama question if sex didn't exist would you still get married slash have a girlfriend um like no sex whatsoever huh it's just companionship and like shared roles and duties and stuff like that yeah now it's just a shitty friend

you're a friend that can't help me with furniture so it took me a second to process that but yeah i i was thinking about it if sex didn't exist there might be a higher chance of me being gay, right? Like I think I'd still want a companion. I'd still want a partner in life, but it might not be a woman. But on the other hand, I've also come to realize that oftentimes, and my daughter would consider this sexist,

but oftentimes women excel in areas where men don't, right? Like the companionship, supportive nature, you know, like at least, like Jackie is a natural at pumping up everyone around her to be better than they would be otherwise, right?

That's true of me and both of my kids. I think if I married some dude, that might not be his mission in life. You know, he might just be like, I don't know, equal of mine. Like another guy just going out

there doing his thing sharing dishes you'd find a you'd find a man jackie out there like i think that women are more inclined to be jack he coaches he coaches women's volleyball in his spare time he's he's he's he's pumping everybody up he's he's he's he's built he's making banners ah but i think he's coaching women's volleyball for his own like desires and that's who he wants to be taylor we're on the if sex didn't exist would you still be married have a girlfriend and i was saying that i might be gay but i think that women are more inclined to fill the role that jackie fills which is like the the person who raises everybody else around her yeah that's sexist not really um i i i think that you wouldn't if if there's if there's no sex then i assume that that there's no

gay sex either fyi that's what i was assuming yeah yeah yeah yeah so so you can't even go get yourself an attractive transsexual or something like that, try to cheat the system. It just doesn't work. I assume you don't want sex if there is no sex. You're just picking your partner based straight up on how they already get along with. Well, I mean, why do for twice the labor now, a potential or whatever, or earning potential or whatever you want to say, then what's the point? Right? Just have friends and you each have your own apartments, right?

That makes sense to me where it's like if there is no sex, you're not procreating. And so you wouldn't pair off necessarily male female the way we do now but also like i think that even in like a this terrible universe where you can't fuck like you're still i think most men are going to do better with women most women are going to do better with men because men and women complement each other in a unique way like women do things better than men that men but to what end like and men do things better than like to what end i'm saying that it would facilitate like an ease of living like if you have two men in the house like you're not as agreeable you're gonna be getting in tips more it's gonna be like more of a fight for dominance i would think like you're not gonna want to do

the things that women are better at like whereas like there are more defined roles with the man and woman i don't know man get along better i feel like every episode of survivor or apprentice or you name it where they separate dudes and women all the guys get along great and all the women cat fight happens every time a hundred percent of the time all right you're you're right yeah so well disregard everything i said but but i do think that And you'd stop pairing off. There'd be trifectas and quadrilogies of men. Quadrilogies. I love that.

Who came together. And just like five men living together, but they live in a $3 million house, right? It's like, yeah, it's affordable when there's five of us living here. It makes a lot of sense. We all drive a minivan together. We own it together.

We all commute in. If there was no sex, all the big parties that you would throw at your mansion, it would always be a dude fest. It's like, oh, you want to get chicks over here? It's like, no. They don't even like football. To what? Watch the fights?

They don't have a warm, wet hole between their legs for us to fuck. So why would we do that? More seriously, I feel like the 22-year-old version of me would be agreeing with Kyle. And me having gone through half of life, even a little more than half probably. I'm not living until 90. What are we kidding? 5%. Yeah, right?

I'm like two-thirds done life. I think I'm more lined up with taylor like having to haven't taken a lot of this ride it's nice to have like a partner a teammate on this thing yeah but 22 year old me i think in large part was just trying to get fucked i don't know like there was more to it than that but yeah there definitely is. I get what Kyle's saying, and I get the Survivor example, even though that's a TV show where they're competing, trying to win. Do you think that the producers of that thought going into it? Because if you remember, the way that the Survivor sex battle breakdown went

is three weeks in, they had to take two men or three men from the male side and move them to the female side and at the time they moved them the men had found sustainable sources of food and water they had built shelter they you start the match with a bunch of rice that they give you and they still had a lot of their rice because going into it they were like all right we're going to eat this very sparingly this this is going gonna save us in a rainy day you know we can't just go through this first those three guys helped build all this shit with the male team and then they get shipped to the female island and they find them like sunbathing all of the rice is gone no shelters are built nothing has been done immediately, all the women start forcing them to do things.

Because the guy's just like, we're going to lose. We just left our team. We're kicking your ass. Yeah. And there's a dynamic there where if the men don't start supporting these lazy fucking women, they get voted off. They're like, we're going to need some fish out of you. You're off the island. Halfway through episode one,

we discovered agriculture. And now you're over here eating your fucking free brown rice like an asshole. Yeah, that would happen. But of course, those producers knew that would happen. Dude, on The Apprentice,

the opposite happened. Really? Yeah. What would happen is they'd have to sell, I don't know, a cup of ice cream for $15 in Manhattan. So the women, like, show their cleavage, and they're like, hey, you know, can I get you some ice cream?

And guys are buying it, like, you know, on the 1% chance they'll get laid. And women are women, like, they have to, like, they're bartenders. Whoever can get the most tips wins this event. Like, they're bartenders. Whoever can get the most tips wins this event. And the guys are out there just, like, busting their ass trying to get tips. And the women are wearing bikinis or whatever the fuck they're wearing, getting all the money. Yeah, so they totally.

They played to their strengths, which was like a self-exploitation. I see no problem with that. They're doing what they can. Yeah, I guess. It's not even self-exploitation. They're literally exploiting all those men on the street going, hey, these guys – fuck them if they spend a lot of money on ice cream. I said sexploitation. Oh, I thought you said self-exploitation.

I made up a word. I can see why you get it wrong. But yeah, so anyway, the women did well because they usually had to collect small amounts of money. Yeah, I want to exit out of this window you linked from a 4chan screenshots of this cum mouse pad. But I keep looking at it. It's so gross. It's one of those mouse pads that have tits on it. Or is it an ass?

Is it tits? Oh, it's tits. Yeah, you see what it used to look like on there. is it is it an ass is it tits what oh it's tits yeah you see what it used to look like on there and it is totally yellow and it's got a raised textured uh cracked like an old mosaic in an ancient church look of it like where it's the necronomicon like a necronomicon perfect description with that this is this is vile and one of them it shows the guy used a pen or something hopefully to chip a piece out of it because it's all dry and you can see depth with this like it's it's like about it's like five fingernails in girth as far as like laying them

on top of each other and it's oh how much you didn't mention my favorite part of this image what is it at the in the bottom right there's a guy who goes you ain't got nothing on my cum shirt and he's wearing it wow if you punch that guy in the stomach wearing that shirt it would shatter it's just so disgusting that people do that because clearly it's not an isolated event these people who are jizzing on an inanimate object repeatedly over the clearly the course of years like who's doing this who's doing this because it takes so much planning you know that they're like they're at work or they're at school and they're horny and they're like oh i'm gonna jerk off when i get home i can't wait to add to the collection that poor little teddy bear in the corner is gonna get a big one

tonight i feel like when it's a shirt or a sock they're just hiding their cum receptacle from their parents and that's the bottom line on this thing you know they keep that shirt between the mattress and the box spring and you know break it out on the regular how much are paper towels how much are like tissues and disposable things come on people ah but like clearly part of this is like a mixture of oddness and more oddness i don't know like a kid turns 14 and suddenly there's like a kitchen style paper towel roll and dispenser on the nightstand. Mom knows what's up.

She's no virgin. Yeah, she'd rather have boxes of cum. When she comes in and she sees the teddy bear with three inches of fucking icing on top of it, I'm sure that she just thinks you're getting into decorating or something, right? Kyle, you lack stealth. You didn't put a hole in your teddy bear's bum? Oh my god. You squeeze it and just brown

goo comes out. The teddy bear gets pregnant with your child of shame. That's the plot line to that movie. What is the movie with Mark Wahlberg? Ted. Nobody fucked Ted.

Did they explain the origin story of Ted? Yes. You were asleep. Yeah, I did sleep on that movie. You were asleep. It's the first three minutes of Ted. And I hear, I'm like, who dares sleep in Ted? We just got through the previews.

And it's Woody. I was terrible. I had sleep apnea and no BPAP machine at the time. So that was it. Well, you can't really bring a BPAP into the theater. If I had a BPAP, I wouldn't be, like, napping every time it got dark. Because I'd have restful sleep overnight. I see.

Did you guys find the cum box thing I linked to you? No. The cum box thing I linked to you? No. The cum box. So this guy in his own explanation is, well, it's exactly what it sounds like. It's a shoe box, or at least once was, and whenever I masturbate, I cum into it. I've had it for two or three years now, I think,

so it has a fair amount of cum. It smells atrocious, and I tried to burn it once. When I lit it on fire, it was too damp due to the cum, and it simply sizzled and and i tried to burn it once when i lit it on fire it was too damp due to the cum and it simply sizzled and didn't manage to actually light up turns out burning cum smells awful so i had to spray it with a deodorant body spray just to get the old smell of burnt cum away it also has some drenched papers stuck to it that's pretty much it. And then there's four images of this vile seventh circle of hell box. And it is like, it's,

it's, you can tell it's real because you can see the smattering of random misses of come on the lid where he's been about to finish and he just gets it open. And then maybe that first bursts overshoots a bit. And it's, this is, this is reprehensible this is growing in it if i were dictator this person would be put to death this is like can you imagine being

so deranged that you come into a box for three years it smells atrocious but you can't quite pull yourself away from your cum box because it's your little creation and then you try and light it on fire and instead of being like oh man i guess i'm gonna need more fire you go because it's your little creation and then you try and light it on fire and instead of being like, oh man, I guess I'm going to need more fire, you go, wow, let's nix that plan. I have a quote, but would you read edit number four? It sounds like it's weeks or a year later.

Edit number four. I often get PM'd about updates or current status of the box, generally a few weeks. Generally a few weeks, so I might as well update this post. If anyone ever gets linked here anymore, current i have created life mold has begun to grow in the box and has taken over a fair amount smells a bit worse a bit worse than atrocious uh mainly due to a damper apartment so it does not dry out as fast hence the reason why the mold has begun if your apartment is so damp that it's causing mold to grow in your semen shoebox.

Like, what is this person going to contribute to society? I hope that mold is poisonous and he passes away. I really do. I hope this guy is in a terrible accident and that the police, when searching for his things, find this. Or no, his grandpa or something. No, I wouldn't want to do that

to the poor grandpa. Probably a vet. I wonder if he's single. He's just like his old man. This is terrible. You put his ashes in it. And send him out to sea. It won't. If there was a loved one that you had, and they died, and I found a cum box,

that's all I would remember about that person forever. Like, if they gave me a kidney, and 20 years later they asked me, like, oh, man, Ted, God rest his soul, I'd be like, yeah, the cum box guy. They'd be like, Taylor, he gave you a kidney. I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, no, you'd remember the cum box guy they'd be like taylor he gave you a kidney i'm like oh yeah like no you'd remember that you'd remember the cum box thing this is have either of you ever used a receptacle for excessive coming and kept it no no like no exactly people don't do this like this isn't no people do it's apparently like even cum sock i thought that was mostly a meme like i didn't

know people actually ruin their socks by just putting them on their dick and masturbating. First of all, you can't ruin anything with masturbation. You just send it right through the washer. It washes off anything. It's not like the sock just gets all crusty and becomes a solid object.

Now you just send that bad boy through the wash and it's good again. Yeah, but then you're getting all your other clothes cummy. It's a washing machine. Did you say that about sweating in a t-shirt? No, it's different though with the cumminess. You're making up your own rules, Taylor.

You could... Wait, hold on. If you were standing by your washer and you were about to run a load and then you stood there and you beat off into your open washing machine, would you be like, alright, this is going to be just as clean as it would have been if I'd thrown in my Tide Pod a second ago?

But what if you exercised and there was sweat dripping off your forehead and nose into that puddle? Wouldn't you also say, I'm contaminating the load? It's different levels of gross. When I played basketball, I'd rub up against sweaty guys all the time. You're guarding them. If that guy was covered in cum, he's scoring every time.

I'm not guarding that guy. Like, that would be the pregame ritual. All right, everyone get your load out. Everyone get your load out. If I ever do get to shoot on Taylor in goal, I'm coming on the hockey park. I have a strategy now. I'll finally get to shoot on Taylor in goal, I'm coming on the hockey puck. I have a strategy now. I'll finally get it through. What's that wet sheen on the puck?

A little white. Ow! Ow! It stains him on his blocker. I'm of the opinion that you could take that washing machine full of your clothes, like your full week's laundry, and then you could take a shit right on top of it close the lid press extra large and come back in two hours and you'll never know the difference nah i'm not of that belief i don't i think that you should not shit into washing machines but i don't think you'd ever

know i think that it would be washed away you think if you shit in a washing machine and ran the load you'd come back and there wouldn't be shit? There would not be shit. Then you must, like... Like, how liquidy are your shits? I'm talking about a turd, alright? I'm talking about, like, a Snickers bar.

I think you could lay a Snickers bar in there and come back, and there'd only be peanuts remaining. Everything else would be equalized. You'd have really caramely clothes, probably. No, there wouldn't be caramely clothes. It gets like 180 degrees of hot water in there.

Does it really? Yeah, it gets fucking hot! I don't know. It depends how hot your hot water heater is set, but it gets hot. I didn't know that it was almost boiling in there. I'm making this up as I go along to justify shitting in washing machines, okay? I believe in you.

I actually use cold cold. I don't use hot water for any of my washing. It gives the clothes a better lifetime, but I still maintain that you can take a shit right in that washing machine, and it would just wash away. Well, here's the real test. We're talking about your clothes

and your cum and your shit how is this level of cleanliness extended to others so if someone else beat off into your laundry machine and you did that there would be no feelings of that's gross that's probably there's some little remnant of there somebody else pooped in your washing like yeah okay with it because it's you. You could totally masturbate on my laundry and I wouldn't mind a bit. I've never been to your house, but when I visit and I leave on the last day, you're going to find a

meaty turd sitting in your washing machine. A turd? Wait, that was a part of the deal? We've moved to shit now, Woody. Keep up. Oh, my bad. Kyle's of the opinion that you can shit into a washing machine and it'll take care of it. Yeah. That is a bold washing machine. What about

a piece of cake? I'd rather have a whole cake in there than shit. See, this is the argument that I've had with so many women about the dishwasher. Women always want me to pre-wash dishes before I put them in the dishwasher. And so one day I was like, look, this is not necessary. This is not necessary as long as you don't let the dish get all crusty

like like this see this plate with macaroni all over it it's fine i'll stick it in there it's gonna go away you can take a whole fucking cake and put it in a dishwasher and close that bitch and when you come back it's gone there's no reason to pre-wash dishes i don't believe in it and so by the same i don't believe in it i don't believe in it it's only some washers are like that some washers have like a garbage disposal at the bottom that will take care of stuff like that a lot of them do not this is right someone who was used to that kind of uh garbage disposal washer and then moved somewhere that didn't have that and it will back up quickly it's actually the feature you're talking about is called a grinder and he's right some some washing or dishwashers have a grinder at the

bottom and they take care of things like noodles and some don't or dishwashers dishwashers cool yeah i know washers don't have a grinder so they're not grinding up that cake or shit they're just mixing it around with your clothes. The condoms that you leave in your pockets. What a mess that always makes. Am I right? The what you leave in your pocket? Condoms. The soiled condoms, Taylor. You leave soiled condoms in your pocket? Well, you know. Well, you're not allowed to flush them.

So you put them in your pocket and put them in the washing machine. You tie a little knot in it and then after a week it starts expanding from cum gases and it tie a little knot in it, and then after a week, it starts expanding from cum gases, and it's a little balloon then. I've told you guys about my graveyard next to my bed. I haven't taken care of that yet.

And then they float away and inseminate people when they lay in there. That's how people procreate. That's interesting. Put it in your pocket. That's all fun. What I usually do is I tie it off, and then I go put it under the windshield wiper of random cars. Because then they have to touch it.

I wouldn't do that. That's a crime. I'd have to start introducing myself to neighbors. Like, I'm a sex offender. Hey, duh, duh, duh. It's because I was putting used condoms under people's windshield wipers sir before you get that judgy look on your face settle down i put my pants on one leg at a time just like you and i leave loads on under windshield wipers of people i i want to

fuck with what do you want from me i didn't't rape anyone. Child sex, please. Pedophile? No. No. I'm the jizz bandit. You saw the articles. He strikes once every other day. Yeah. I think you take a shit right in the washer and it'll be fine.

You shit in the dryer, though. It doesn't work out the same way. You run a load. It's just going to smell like hot poop. Yeah. I think – have you ever, like, had a pet or anything get in the dryer? Get inside the dryer? Yeah, yeah.

No, but why would they do? Because kitties like to, like, hop in there on top of, like, on top of the hot, warm laundry sometimes. Let's say you pop open the dryer, you get an article of clothing or two out, but you want to give it a few more spins, and the kitty cat's hopped in there because it's all warm and soft and smells like a summer's breeze, and then you send him for a spin cycle, and he's just ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump, and then you don't have any collared shirts to wear that weekend.

Collared shirts on the weekend? You got plans? Not anymore. Bearing a cat, mostly. I'm looking at the name of this Reddit that it was posted in. The cum box was called Reddit's Museum of Filth. And I'm looking around at some of these things, and I need to link a couple of them to you.

From the Museum of Filth there all right all right there's here's a link that and then i'll then i'll read this it'll be fun all right this is uh something from the museum of filth and it was linked there from some question of what's the most uh self-inflicted sexual injury you've encountered that kind of thing so this is gonna be good not exactly sexual but when we had gynecology and obstetrics in med school we got this girl in the form uh in from the psychiatric ward the reason she got referred to gynecology is that she was smelly. Yep, really. So we didn't quite understand the referral until we got in the room and met the patient.

The patient is a skinny young girl with the foulest necrosis-like odor I've ever smelt. It was literally so bad half of us had to leave the room. The paramedics also commented that they had to roll down the windows when driving her there. Paramedics had to roll down the windows. They'll pick up people's colons that get shot out by a biker who was just wearing shorts

and then throw it in the back with shit but they're rolling out the window down the windows according to the referral the smell had been there for several weeks and they tried everything including forcing her to shower to make it end and now they sent her to rule out gynecological issues well what we found when we put her in the stirrups was that this girl had anorexia and as a means of hiding her uneaten food from the hospital staff, guess where she'd been putting her chewed up pieces of food? Yep. She, of course, told us she had never

put anything up there. Well, either there's a disease that makes potatoes grow in your vagina or she was lying. We dug out tons of literally rotten meat from this girl's vaginal cavity. Some of it had been there for so long. We put her on antibiotics for the terrible infection she of course had.

Hospital food where I went to school isn't great in general, and it didn't help to let it ferment for a few weeks in an acidic environment full of bacteria. I will never forget that smell. To make you understand how bad it was, let me just say that the vagina of any anorexic is not a happy place to begin with, as they are very prone to nasty fungal infections. Here's a puric treatment for both fungal and bacterial infections, seeing as we had trouble differentiating the more rotten food from her own necrotic vaginal tissue. So mix the smell of necrosis, rotting food, severely unclean crotch, with a nice hint of infection to top it off. At this point in school, we had sat through

countless hours of smelly surgeries,opsies treating homeless people in the er and i've never seen any of my fellow students react physically to any smell half of the people immediately had to leave the room and some of us who stayed had to vomit dear there you go god can you imagine being so mentally ill that you hide like ham hocks and crab bling goons in your pussy no no i've heard all kinds of stories like that. Like Benji from the Stern Show talks about hooking up with this chick at the AVN Awards and like fingering her and finding

a plastic baggie of drugs and pulling it out and being like, there's drugs here! And she was like, ah shit, I forgot I had those there. Like I've heard of porn stars putting, if you're familiar with like a makeup kit, the little squishy thing, the makeup applicator, that little pad thing. heard of porn stars putting um if you're familiar with like a makeup kit the little uh the little

squishy thing that the the the makeup applicator that little pad thing i've heard of them shoving that in their vagina to like hold back a a period uh and then and then having sex for the tiny wedge thing they make circular ones they're like a puck and they're very dense and squishy and uh and the chick had shoved one of those up there to stop her period and then forgotten about it and so it's just soaked in blood and rotten up in there and then i heard the smell of that was disgusting but what you are describing sir is a clogged but wait food processor full of rotten hospital food and pussy.

I feel like you guys are looking at this through a very narrow lens. Like, okay, I will grant you that she had some, you know, necrotic pussy tissue and a little bit of rotting meat and potatoes. But she was anorexic, which means outside of that,

she was probably pretty hot. I mean, maybe she looked good. Yeah. I mean, if you could get over the smell. But it wouldn't be worth it. hot. I mean, maybe she looked good. Yeah. I mean, if you could get over the smell. But it wouldn't be worth it. Well, I mean, we all have different priorities. Oh, my goodness. I think if you, you know, fucked her in the ass,

it's unlikely there'd be much of a mess there. She doesn't eat. Yeah, probably not. You know what? I'm a problem solver. Well, I'm a problem solver. Whew. Well, I've got... That was really gross.

I've got something way, way better here. But first, Kyle, do you have anything you want to tell us about? Well, I'm a little sickened, to be frank. I don't know if I can talk about Stitches. Oh, we're about to go a little deeper, my friend. This is a fun Reddit. I'm going to poke around. I honestly feel a little... Well, we'd like to thank Stitch Fix for sponsoring

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Click on the link in the description. Check it out. Yes, definitely check that out. You want to look good. You want to smell good. You want to be, you know, an attractive looking man. You want to dress like Kyle. I think I'm better at picturing things in my mind than the average person because I'm really getting some awful mental images of this rotten vagina. You're still on that, huh?

See, I just breezed right through. I don't mind. Have you ever, like, left, like, a bag of potatoes that has, like, three or four four potatoes left in it like on a rack or in a oh yeah like some spuds start growing out and like spurts no they turn black and black liquid comes out of them and it smells like death i'm imagining that in in her vagina well that's what it was i wondered like that and like they even said in there that it was so bad that when they're removing stuff they're like pulling on it they're like goddamn piece of roast beef and they're like oh no that's just rotted vaginal tissue okay leave it there yeah that's what i was gonna say like what was the

aftermath they need a water pick yeah you need a yeah you need like a hydrosonic water pick or something to get that out see that was a little gross i'm glad it grossed kyle off out so much honestly like stories like that i would rather read about that than uh then see somebody eat a booger that grosses me out watching people eat boogers is disgusting to me what if you poured a bottle of hydrogen peroxide in in the vagina oh she'd be like one of those you know fifth grade experiments she just erupted you know yeah uh well if here this won't be nearly as as brutal kyle i'll link this one to you so the title of this you're rough stuff man is uh so this guy did he shoot off his penis he shot his penis off on purpose oh i can't show these pictures but i'm looking at him he posted what are some ways i could sever the stump of my penis in like a morbid questions thing and he deleted that but here it says here's like the little bit of the post. It says, I shot off roughly 90% of my cock and have a stump left.

I'm looking for ways to try to remove it. One, band it up, then shoot it off. Two, penis guillotine, in parentheses, not sure if there's enough left. Three, try to slice it off, least desirable option. Dip it in liquid nitrogen and smash it, says this anti-penis Bill Nye. Just gonna fucking dip it in liquid nitrogen, you goddamn degenerate. Comment from OP. Yes, I shot it four times with a revolver.

Think about that. You shot your own cock. That's just the start. And then you do it three more times. Bang, bang, bang. Yes, I shot it four times of the revolver cooked it on the stove right after and then ate it no the bullets go through very cleanly through the skin i shot it four times in a state straight line across in order to sever it

and then here are the four the three pictures uh if you guys want to find this on reddit just look up the shot off penis stump and it looks like i don't even know what to say what this looks like it looks like just a nutsack with a hole in the middle like i don't see any holes where the penis it looks yeah it looks a little bit like an asshole uh it's good to see this guy still cares enough about the region to shave part of this whatever fucking thing it is why bother shaving it whatever nobody's gonna see it this is uh this is insane and he was then he has a picture of it banded up where he just ties a rubber band around his penis stump and is trying to let it die i guess uh the questions for him were why did you shoot your cock? How did you react immediately after? And what the fuck?

I shot it off for God. God wasn't having it. God said, I don't like that dick. Shoot it off. So he did, I guess. Immediately after, I cooked it a little and ate it. Then I laid on the ground and listened to music before calling an ambulance. God is crucifying me.

I was supposed to chop off my balls too and die. I chopped off my nuts two months ago. Now I have to chop off the rest of the stump and bleed out. The bullets tore through it. It's a fleshy cock. It doesn't stand a chance against a.38 special revolver. No seasoning. No seasoning, just olive oil. I need to remove it to bleed

to death in order to complete a blood sacrifice to God. Right now, shooting it again is my best bet. Well, at complete a blood sacrifice to God. Right now, shooting it again is my best bet. Well, at least he's going to heaven. You know, like, you read stuff like this, and you realize that we're so ignorant as to just how crazy some of the people around us are. Because this is, like, this is five levels above the crazy we normally deal with like the people that you'd be like oh yeah he's crazy yeah yeah look at him look at him over there he's crazy

is it look he shaved his he shaved that silly thing into his hair and look he's got that this piercing and that piercing he split his tongue can you can you believe he split his guys insane he wears one of those bikinis for guys, right? Who wears a Speedo? He smokes meth casually. It's absurd. He's insane. Really?

Did he shoot his penis off to blood sacrifice himself to the Lord? Nah, nah. Did he eat the severed cock and then plan to do more amputations because, you know, God? No, nothing like that. Nothing like that nothing like that oh yeah this is yeah this is grotesque like this is that's an insane level of mental illness think about that you think god is telling you to shoot your dick off and so you do it and then you like in a blasé way talk about it on reddit like yeah i shot it off it was just fleshy god told me to do it uh olive oil no seasoning it was decent like it's a fucking crazy person like dude ate his dick

i wonder if these people know like if people in this guy's life know how crazy he is that he shot his dick off or if he's just like an unassuming like i was told that i would not have to move my office again i was told like every other way this guy's normal? There's no chance of that. This guy is a nutcase in lots of areas. Come on down to Stubby's. Get your used car. You know, whatever he actually does.

On the bright side, now that I've sacrificed my piece of the world. If you beat my deal, I'll shoot my cock off. In retrospect, shouldn't have put that in writing. On the bright side, I don't have that compulsion to use the cum box anymore. That's all done. It's the same guy.

This was God's punishment for my cum box. 20 years. Waste not, want not. Waste not, want not. Waste not, want not. Oh, man, this is a really fucked up subreddit. I like this. I can't believe that I haven't heard of this before.

Now, it's called a Reddit's Museum of Filth. Now, if you're going to shoot your cock off with a.38, what's your technique, right? Do you get it hard first so that there's no flopping around and you get a clean cut? Or do you stretch it out from the head so you get it nice and thin so maybe it takes fewer bullets?

I think it'd be tough to maintain an erection with a gun pointed at your penis. So I think you're going to end up doing it soft. And I imagine this guy did it by doing the stretch method where you stretch it out. Four bullets though. No, four bullets. No, four bullets.

Still, four bullets? Four shots? And he fucked it up too because now he's got a pelvic asshole looking thing on the front. Are you suggesting... Where does the pee come out? I think it dribbles out as a mess.

Does it just dribble? That's actually, to me, one of the things I would miss the most. Obviously, there's sex, but the ability to pee cleanly, that would suck. I really like having that. If I lost my dick, I would kill myself after I killed whoever did it. Yeah. We've been through this before. It's an easy – it's a no-brainer.

It's a no-brainer. You kill yourself. If I got an acid attack, I could even come back from that, I think, as long as it wasn't one of those, like, you're melting into your back and your mouth doesn't close anymore. You don't want that. I'm one bad case of athlete's foot away from ending. Get out of here with this acid attack.

Kyle's over there. God, the flu this year is brutal. I might even get it. There's a lot of things that push you over that edge where it's just not worth going on anymore. Yeah, good lord. I would love this guy as a guest on the show. Just to talk.

Both hands are gone. I mean, both hands are gone gone you'd have trouble shooting yourself but you could easily like dive into a empty pool yeah that's what i'm saying like like do you do you park in the garage now and and you know start the car with hopefully unless i can like find like really cool robot hands or something like that if that's't exist. I know. You'll have shitty ones where you're accidentally crushing your soda cans. They're so weak, they're like those claw machines

where you can't pick things up right. I'd probably fumble around with a gun, get frustrated, then jump off of something high. Or put a shotgun in your mouth and then use your toe. Park your car in the garage, you psycho. You suicide noob.

There's much nicer ways to do it. You just sort of peacefully fall asleep and end it. Yeah. What I would do is just one night just take a long, peaceful walk into East St. Louis. You just keep going. It's a surefire way. There was a story of a saw murder here a couple days ago.

So no more just hammers. The whole Lowe's hardware department is being utilized. What kind of saw? I think like a hand saw. Like when you're sawing someone, it's not like a hammer. it's like and you're like out or like at least mostly out it's like

shut up i'm not even i'm barely in sawing someone's head off oh what a terrible way to die. Who's to say he started with his head? Why'd you start on my arm? Yeah, yeah, right? Like, now I'm down a foot. Like, that's not coming back. But I'm not dead. Oh, that would be awful.

What is the deal? Does anyone know the scoop with the Colorado, not Colorado, the Chicago murders? It's been all over the press. There were like 66 people shot. I want to say 12 killed. And... It was some big gang thing. Over the weekend, right?

It was just like even more gang activity than usual. I wonder what usual is. But yeah, did the gangs... Usual is a lot in Chicago because gangs are prolific in South Chicago. Like they run shit. But I really doubt there's 66 shootings a weekend. This must have been like a gang holiday, maybe? A gang holiday?

A gang celebration? It's their Ramadan. Exactly. Average weekend shootings in Chicago. Let's see. I'm going to guess 50. Not 50. I do it like Marvel I count Thursday and Friday

Alright how many This is a great headline 36 shot in Memorial Day Marks progress Memorial Day weekend They only had 36 killed And they're like what a great year man weekend violence in chicago february 19th 2018 only six killed 22 wounded this is these

are pretty solid numbers yeah no it's clearly pretty bad if they're like 36 shot over memorial day weekend marks progress in usa today that's's hilarious. Yeah, Chicago is, South Chicago is kind of a shithole. I would not want to live there. Yeah, I wonder why it's going so wrong. Well, it's gang stuff. And so like every time there's another one of these huge issues

like of like high kill days or weekends, it's because there was like some gang thing. Who knows what it was, but there was some battle between gangs. That's the part that has me curious. Was there like a turf war did someone kill a very popular member on another gang and now there's all kinds of repercussions and they're going to war does it die off quickly yeah no i mean it never dies like it happens every weekend just because in peaks and valleys right so maybe like 66 people get shot and there's a lot of gangsters like bro

you know what like i'd actually rather not get shot maybe or they go they killed 30 of our guys this weekend we're gonna get them because i know we all have jobs and things that we're working for during the week that will make us more successful in the future you know i know you've got night school for example you're becoming a nurse you know but this friday future. I know you've got night school, for example. You're becoming a nurse. But this Friday, after 5.30, because I'm going to a little church session, so I don't have to go on Sunday. But not Sunday, not Sunday.

We all have Bible study, so we have to handle this on Saturday. They don't shoot people on Sundays, unless they really want to. Or somebody gets on your nerves or something yeah yeah yeah that's shitty i'm kyle i want you to look through because of your vivid gross imagination and find more reprehensible things on this museum of filth because i'm liking looking at these are you not is it making you upset i i didn't like that. I didn't like that disgusting vagina.

Even more than the dick shooting. I mean, they're both so bad. They're just both so bad. The amount of posts in here that are just people coming on objects for long periods of time is astounding. This is clearly not as rare. Oh!

Oh, okay, here's one this guy comes on a little anime figurine for a year to the point that now like the face and everything looks like the guy in the middle who opened up the uh no i'm not doing this his face started melting open it up open it up i'm not i'm done with this i clicked like two or three things and it was like 18 years of smegma not safe for life like like like no come on i did see that and i saw the smegma thing we're all circumcised so we don't have smegma but oh imagine coming on the same figurine every day for an entire year. Oh my god. Oh my god. It looks like you dripped candle wax on a little... And it was clearly

like an attractive woman doll. And you can even see like there's a main river of cum that went down but there are many tributaries leading to it. Yeah. The boobs form sort of a funnel. So like there's cum all over her face and boobs,

but like a straight line down her navel. This is awful. This guy... What do you think should be done with this guy? We find this guy. We don't know anything else about him other than he created this. What do we do?

We should let him procreate with lesbians. Oh, this is the guy. This is the guy. He'll be Genghis as come yeah he he already he's clearly got the reservoir this is awful i looked up chicago murders is actually down year to date so the last week is up 167 but for the last year in spite of the fact that we had such a good week down 20% thanks Donald Trump yeah so it just it's a crazy week but not so crazy that it really changed Chicago murder stats I don't know it's good leadership I guess so yeah yeah except this taking that in those ms-13 gang members out locking them up making chicago great again draining swamps and

such oh user ruins his testicles popped stitches death by shit choking oh this is yours kyle yeah i added that that's my post uh oh my god man like this i'm gonna go here more often when i need like a boost up because this makes this whole forum really lets you know that you've got your life on track compared to some of these folks you know like it'd be like going to a rehab for crack addicts just to browse just to kind of look around at them and be like, oh man. And then you leave feeling a little better. Right? Because you're not them. You're not addicted to crack.

You didn't try and ruin your testicles. You didn't shoot your penis off for this 38th special. These are the things that boost your ego? Find people who are really failing and compare yourself to them? For the show it is. The self-harm thing. It seems so bad. The people who are really failing and compare yourself to this the self-harm thing it seems so bad like the people who are like mutilating their bodies like like it's one thing if you get like i don't know branded or like ear gauges or those balls under your skin or whatever the the tongue splitting or even like i don't know maybe

if you thought you'd fit in your shoes better with four toes and not five, I could get on board with all that. Those models who have like a rib removed so that they're a size smaller. Okay, sure. You know, and I've talked about, you know, any number of surgeries that actually improve. That's something a lot of women should do really for our benefit. I mean, a lot of women and a lot of men, you know, we could all use a little, but it would give men that, Yeah, men need to do something different. Not the rib thing. Why have you gone with that? That's what I was talking about.

A lot of women should have the rib thing done because it would improve their shape. At least two ribs, I would say. Start young. Like these eight-year-olds

with these big wide bodies. Get out of here. These big wide bodies. These fat backs. Gross. Have a rib rib removed you little rascal you know they haven't even hit puberty yet but they don't have enough of an hourglass so let's get some ribs out of here they're gonna make a black james bond really they can't do idris elba as james bond come on it doesn't make any sense. Some guy wrote me on Reddit justifying why Hamilton

had such a diverse cast. They were down for having women as the Hamilton role. They said they wanted that the original Founding Fathers were immigrants so they wanted people who looked like immigrants

to play them today. I don't know. It was just really, it was ass backward to me. So it was like really, really stretching and backwards engineering to be like, and so that's why it makes sense that nobody's white. Except for the bad guy. I don't really fucking care anyway. I don't watch plays. I think I'm going.

They're coming to Durham, actually. And my wife and daughter are very excited about seeing hamilton and i was like is it the real hamilton right or is it like you know research triangle high school's version of hamilton but no apparently they're they're going off broadway and touring the country and the actual hamilton is coming nearby and she really wants to go you i like the book of mormon a lot i thought that was funny that's playing i'd like to see that yeah i wouldn't go to any musical or play that i didn't think would be very funny hamilton i've heard it like they didn't obviously you can't see it

there's no movie or anything but they released the audio track which is almost as good because the whole thing is there and it was really good i thought i would dislike it and i was on a long drive with Hope. What's it actually about? I don't even know. It's about the life story of Hamilton, who I didn't know very well prior to the play. And it just goes through his mentors, his challenges, his successes, his failures. But they, I don't know.

They just make, it's all like rap. But it's really good. They can sing. If you've ever been to a Broadway play or. It's like hours of rapping about Alexander Hamilton. They are so good. That sounds awful. No,

I, I went in with the same attitude. I, my daughter put it on. We had a long drive. It's like two hours or something. And I'm like, ah,

she'll want me to listen to this. And by the end of it, I was like, God, want me to listen to this. And by the end of it, I was like, God, no wonder everybody loves this. It's considered the best play to have ever been made ever. It's dominated the Tonys or something. Nothing's ever gotten as many awards. What other Broadway plays have we talked about?

It's part of culture in a way that nothing else has been. And I heard it, and I'm totally with you guys. Prior to hearing it, I thought I would hate it. And, well, it could be more boring than Alexander Hamilton. But I laughed out loud. I enjoyed it. I didn't know the story of Hamilton that well. So I didn't know how it was going to end.

And the end was a surprise to me, and I enjoyed it. I just don't think James Bond's black. Oh, we're back to this. Yeah, I don't think so either. It's a little ham-handed. I like Idris Elba. I like him a lot. He's a great actor.

They're trying way too hard nowadays to just shoehorn stuff in when it's like hey like this is pretty fine the way it is you can play black dynamite there's a good respectable role i actually don't have a problem with it and mostly because james bond keeps changing so much already right when i went from sean connery to piercenan to Daniel Craig. I think I missed a couple. They all seem like very different people to me. This guy could be my James Bond, I think. Now that I think about it, is it always supposed to be the same guy?

Because it's covered different time periods and it's covered different. There's a couple theories. I thought it was supposed to be the same guy the whole time. And they just, like, obviously they get old and you've got to switch them out because it's been going for, like, 60, 70 years. But if it was the same guy all the time... I'm sorry, Kyle. It wouldn't be, like, the 60s and the 80s and the 2000s.

The idea is that James Bond is a codename used for a particular... Agent 007 is always James Bond. That's one of the theories out there. that's your understanding why do you care that they switch and then the other one is that it's a fucking movie about a lot of character and there's a lot of stories about just like Jack Reacher or who's that guy from the John Grisham novels that's always Jack Ryan. Who is it? I think it is Jack Ryan. Yeah.

Like, but I got no problem if one year Jack Ryan is Harrison Ford and then 25 years later now it's John Krasinski. But at no point is it Martin Lawrence because they describe the character in the books. Well, why do you care? You just don't see him as James Bondames bond yeah because james blind isn't bond is a black like if they made a black jesus or a black santa claus or a black anything that's not black and be like well why they made a white jesus we don't complain about that i mean the guy was almost surely middle eastern right well jesus was jewish but he wasn't an ashkenazi jew like a european jew he was

i don't know what the name of it is but like more middle eastern looking yeah for sure yeah he had like a nice little cropped he wasn't mr like blonde hair blue eyed no you know uh swedish norwegian looking fucker he looked like a middle eastern origin jew guy. But I also, I don't know, I'm not going to see the James Bond movie anyway. Of all the people we've mentioned so far, Jesus, James Bond, and Santa, I feel like I object most to Santa being black. I totally agree because he's like, St. Nick is based on a real guy who was like, you know, none of what I'm saying is factual or anything, but I'm riffing. He was based on some guy where they're like, oh, you must behave if you want to get Saint Nick on your good side,

or else Krampus will come and kill you. Because back then they had Krampus and Santa Claus, because now they've gotten rid of Krampus, and they don't have the bad guy to keep children in check. We need to reintroduce Krampus, frankly. All these people, war on Christmas, war on Christmas. No, you've been fed a bill of lies. We need Krampus returned. That's the only true Christmas. That's the only war. There's no one actually against Christmas, right? There's no Democrats like let's get rid of Christmas. That's not a thing. But apparently there's been a silent war

against Krampus for the last hundred years and I've never heard of him. silent war against Krampus for the last hundred years, and I've never heard of him. The war on Krampus is the war on Christmas. There is no Christmas without Krampus. Do you know about Black Peter? About Black Peter? Black Peter? No. Peter.

So Black Peter is St. Nicholas' sidekick. You don't hear about him too much. He's usually portrayed by a man wearing black face. And yes, Woody, yes. much um he's usually portrayed by a man wearing black face and um yes woody yes and this is this i i totally invite you to start googling right now because can't make this up uh he is uh st nichols's negro sidekick um no yes yes he is no you're making this up he's not he absolutely is wait zwarty oh yeah i'm not making it up is what is what what he is saying yeah yes zwarty piet is the companion of saint nicholas in the folklore of the low countries the character first appeared in the 1850 book by Amsterdam school teacher, Jan Shankman. And it is the most 1904 silent movie blackface-looking character.

They've got the extra red on the lips or the white outline there to really... It's like an old-school advertisement is what it looks like. I can't believe this. See, Woody, this is the war on Christmas. They pushed that false flag war on Christmas. They pushed that false flag war on Christmas as though they're talking about mangers and stuff. That's not true, people.

They're getting rid of Krampus. They're getting rid of Zwarte Pitt. And these are people we need to understand St. Nick and the historical character that he was. Look anywhere. Check CNN. They're not talking about this little black-faced fellow running around helping to deliver presents. Absolutely not.

You can find me on YouTube. No. Spotify. No. Facebook. No. So, Zionists. Yeah. They're ruining Christmas. And the globalists. And the lizard men. The whole lot of them. Hillary Clinton Foundation.

HRC. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Just say her middle name to make her sound bad If you look up Zwarte Pete There's all these pictures of this thing And then for no particular reason Donald Glover's in there Is he really? Yeah

Everyone's seeing it on my screen right now Some of these actually aren't blackface the ones they showed initially where this one looks like it she's got like greenish black on her face i don't know like more like a pork shade there's all these people like dressed up as black peter communally like everybody's black Peter. Each Black Peter is more racist than the last. Please link it. I'm just on my phone. I just image searched

Black Peter. That's what I did too. Did you find Donald Glover? Scroll down. He's wearing a green shirt and he's being interviewed by this chick in a blue dress. She's a Black Peter fan. I'll watch this later.

He stars as Peter Pan in this classic sketch from Hammercats. Okay. He's Black Peter Pan. That's a different thing. That's how it happened. There's an article. In Holland, Santa doesn't have elves. He has slaves. Why Dutch people put on blackface at Christmas time by Jessica Olien.

Speaking out about the real issues. Jessica has her finger on the pulse of what needs to be discussed. This is pretty ridiculous. I can't believe this. I had never heard of it. I had no idea. Nobody does Black Peter here. No, no. I've never heard of it, seen it.

They don't even do Black Santas anywhere here. If you go to an urban, close to the city center mall, and you see a Santa, even if most of the patrons of the mall are black, even the Santas are white then. Which is interesting. That's one that people don't seem to change. Yeah, if I'm... Santa may be an outlier here. If you're a young black guy

and you see a black Santa, do you think that's an awesome Santa or not the real Santa? It's like Stanley on The Office, and who the hell is that black Santa for? I know Santa ain't black. I've sat through Kwanzaa Christmas, Moroccan Christmas,

Mo Rocca Christmas. I just want a regular Christmas. Jesus Christ. I just want a regular Christmas. Stanley was hilarious. He and Kevin were the two most subtly funny characters. Kevin, not so much. Kevin was ham-handedly funny.

Stanley was more subversive. I saw a little clip from The Office recently where – who was Michael's girlfriend, the blonde one that he was really perfect with? Ollie. Yeah, where she was sticking up for Kevin, and she thought he was mentally disabled and then he figures like wait a minute do you think i'm retarded and just like inappropriate do you guys want to see logan paul a spar yeah yeah you mentioned this earlier you told me that logan looked uh looked good and i i i will

say i knew that he looked physically really impressive but you're telling me that he looks like he's got some skill yeah yeah i i saw ksi box and thought that because he moved like a boxer he was going to be the runaway undeniable like he's just gonna toy with this guy i thought k is i was gonna win by a long shot not knowing anything about logan paul i'm queued up at zero you guys ready i am as well yes three two one play yep so he's the white guy, obviously. He's pretty quick. He's pretty quick.

He tends to duck backwards, straight back, instead of moving off the line, which would make him vulnerable if the other guy can take advantage. Pow. Damn. He's got power in that left. And it looks like he's right-handed by his stance. Yeah. This is going to be a big fight.

Like, this is on TMZ Sports, 1.5 million views. Dude. Like, TMZ is a big publication. I was on Reddit, the MMA subreddit, like today or yesterday. And Daniel Cormier and, oh, my God, Khabib Nurgumamenov. In my head, I say God, Khabib Nurmagomedov. In my head, I say it. Khabib. Most of the letters are there.

Nurmagomedov. I'm just retarded. Nurmagomedov, I think. Yeah, that sounds right. I don't know. I can't say it. So anyway, those guys were sort of their friends. So they were goofing about who had the bigger fight,

the Conor fight or the Brock Lesnar fight. And then in the comments, everyone was like, the real question is, are either of these fights bigger than Logan Paul versus KSI? And all these other UFC fans are saying, yeah, I totally know about that fight. I know who both of them are. A couple guys were out of the loop. But it is a good question is connor bigger than ksi logan paul no like as far as popularity and number of people who know like ksi and logan paul is more i would say just because they're reaching out into a group

of general entertainment viewers whereas the other group is looking into fight fans like you know there's a lot more overreach all the people who like the you know silly videos on youtube and stuff like they're all talking about the ksi logan fight like by numbers it's gonna be way big fault joey buttafuoco i think years ago and that wasn't bigger than a mike tyson fight you know tanya harding fought somebody yeah Tanya Harding I think I've got the right one yeah she fought in celebrity boxing a bunch of like celebrities dancing with the star level celebrities did boxing matches and they seem like nothing compared to like a Tyson fight or a Conor fight or even a Ronda fight. This time, I'm not sure.

Man, it's hard to tell. But these guys have millions of devoted fans, whereas even most celebrities, it's not a fan base that's like, I am a fucking De Niro fan, De Niro for me. I follow everything he does. It's more like a recognition kind of popularity of like, oh, that's a name recognition.

I understand that. But you're not putting the time into it that you are with a content creator online the way young people do nowadays. I think it's going to be bigger as far as reach for sure. When does it happen? Really, it comes down to if it's free or not. When does it happen?

It's $8, I heard. And I don't know, Kyle, but it's not long from now. I'll Google it real quick. $8 isn't bad. No, I might pay $8 just to see. Oh, my God. If you Google KSI versus Logan Paul, there is like a programmed Google response

like into the search engine, and it tells you Saturday, August 25th. Yeah, it's like a real – it's like if you typed in Stanley Cup or Super Bowl or NBA Championship. Yeah. Wow. KSI opponent, or Logan Paul calls out Conor McGregor and UFC.

I like that Logan Paul is described as the KSI opponent. Like, you know, like you know mrs donald trump or something you know like he's oh you might not know logan paul he's ksi's opponent like i feel like well they got to get those uh they got to get all those keywords in the search you're right that's probably yeah that's the yeah that's it's just seo yeah well that's interesting i'll at least watch the gif that sums it up at the very least august 25th is not that long from now oh man i was looking on uh on that disgusting reddit and there's a question women uh what's the weirdest thing a man wanted for you and i guess one of my exes must be posting on here

because uh they said to hold a bible open while he jacked off onto it afterward he wanted me to eat the pages and she acted like it was weird who's kissing and telling well it could be any one of them Kyle is this the end of romance

alright we shared something sacred when I had you hold open the lord's prayer two three when i seeded your book of mormon and asked you to eat that that page that was supposed to be between you and i no when i blew my seed onto the beatitudes, Matthew 5, and I wanted you to eat them to consume the values therein, you know, it's not weird. It's normal. The blood of Christ, the body of Christ, the spunk of Taylor. That's how it should go.

It's the seed, not spunk. I tried to make it. I thought it was funny. It is funny. Spunk funny that's so weird that's so that's so weird that's insane like in a way i would judge someone far less for doing this if they were like why did you do that and tell that woman to do it god told me to i'd be like okay well at least your insanity is quantifiable whereas someone is like i just like it you know i like defiling things i like making her do something she clearly doesn't like and i'm like oh you're the kind of guy that like might see a wounded animal on the side of the road and decide to take it home for round two like you're like where does your deviancy

end they call you the defiler the defiler that's cool that's like a satan name yeah the defiler does any ufc fighter have that as they're like middle of their you know the defiler nothing really terrible there is a guy named ryan bader jack the serial rapist thompson there's a guy named Ryan Bader. I secuse never convicted. He'll be in and out before you know what happened. Entering the ring right now. No, I don't think that would be a popular fighter. I think at least half the fan base would dislike him.

Ryan Bader's middle name is Master, like the one he took on, which is pretty awesome. The Master Bader. Yeah. That's pretty good. I like that. He does these fight tip videos on YouTube. Sometimes he's naked and it's all grayed out. Other times he's wearing a Speedoo but he makes no reference to it like like it's just regular everyday wear and

he's pretty funny i like him those people need to be put to death which ones we have a long list yeah the the people on that subreddit specifically like like like they're they're just abominable individuals just that's so fucked up even the bible thing it's just bizarre like i don't care necessarily it's it's not that he's seeding a bible necessarily although that is a little fucked up um it's it's that that's what he's into that just says so much about him like god knows what else he's doing he's he's out there he's definitely out there pointing at the ingredients over the the screen at chipotle lately

like he's he's he's got to be guilty of a number of things that we would find deplorable oh yeah people like this don't stop at one thing it's like well i'm a church-going fellow but i just need to blow my wad on you know romans 23 and then let it be consumed as it were the body of Christ. That guy's also got marionette dolls, or maybe he's a brony, or he has a fleshlight taped to the back of a Chuck E. Cheese mascot uniform. He's got something else going on.

I like when they shove the fleshlight into the body of another kind of toy. They turn a My Little Pony doll into a sex toy. Ew. Oh, no, we looked at that picture. Yeah, yeah, we saw that. Where they hollow out

the My Little Pony doll, and then or not doll, the top figurine, and then they put the fleshlight in there yeah god what terrible people were people did people do shit like this way back in the day or is this like the internet spiraling out of control i think we've come up with one upsmanship we've definitely come up with new things but there's always been people who were into some weird shit right well always yeah but i feel like you go 500 years ago people aren't even

imagining oh i bet they are but they're doing all kinds of weird shit all kind of sacrilegious stuff and pedophilia and and necrophilia and bestiality and all kinds of weird fucked up shit they just didn't have reddit yeah reddit's pretty fucked up yeah plus i feel like if you go back to like Greek and Roman times Shit gets nasty Just more free Okay Just have a boy to train up

That wouldn't look good In a Reddit post It'd be fine in those days though That's what I'm getting at you know taylor is saying is this a new phenomenon and i'm saying back in the day they did some wacky stuff yeah the romans seemed to be into some crazy uh stuff caligula was was pretty nutty yeah he was into a lot well he was into like fucking his or no i'm thinking of Oedipus. Yeah, Oedipus is all fictional too, so... Yeah.

Let's see. I'm looking up. Oh, this isn't that fucked up. He just came into a coconut. Oh, please. Who amongst us? This is just a fun afternoon, fella. Trying to compete.

Says it was the worst mistake he ever made. Did he fuck the coconut? All right, hold on. Now, it's got 81,000 upvotes. I guess I got to look at this. Maybe it is fucked up. Let me read it. It's called,

Today I Fucked Up by Coming Into a Coconut. Around eight years back, I lived in northern Mozambique, a coastal southern African country with quite a warm climate. My mother at the time was going through a health nut phase and only buying food she deemed healthy enough. One of these was coconuts. She would buy several coconuts a week to use in food from the local market. Anyway, being a horny teenager, I fapped in regular intervals.

Unfortunately, there were some severely stressful examinations coming up for me, and as such, my fapping reached a higher peak than usual, and I was feeling pretty sexually frustrated. One day, I heard that my mother was going out for pretty much the entire afternoon. Horny me decides it would be a fantastic idea to fuck a coconut. Honestly, to this day, I can't fathom why in the world I thought

it would be a good idea, but my train of thought back then was clearly clogged. I ended up grabbing the coconut drill and about 20 ish minutes of concentrated effort end up creating a hole large enough for me to stick my pecker into it i decided it would take some lube and grab the nearest slippery thing some butter before shoving it in the coconut followed by just ruining his mom's shopping trip before shoving it into the coconut followed shortly by my meat i fucked the coconut and it actually feels pretty damn good so i blow my load shove the coconut under my bed and continue about my day for the next week the coconut is my savior whenever i want to get off i simply take it out and fuck it in its delightfully tight hole made

better each time by accumulating volumes of semen and butter acting as lubricant. Oh, he's not even emptying it out! Oh, just leave and come in. What a degenerate. It's heaven. Before I continue, I best mention that at the time in our area, at the time, our area was experiencing quite humid, muggy weather, which exacerbated an already existing fly problem. Disgustingly fat, bloated flies were commonly found around our house,

and the exterminators couldn't really do anything because it was a localized problem that would go away in the winter. About a week and a bit later, after the initial coconut fuck, I had been using it pretty much every day since then, I began to notice a few more flies than usual, as well as an odd, unpleasant smell in my room. Must be the coconut, right? So I decided that I'll fuck it once more, and I throw it out and get a new one. Worst mistake I mistake i ever made you see the reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently in hindsight a near perfect place for flies to lay eggs as i penetrate the coconut one last time i feel a strange wiggling sensation puzzled i pull my cock out to discover that it is covered in rotted and moldy butter and semen

that is teeming with tiny fucking maggots. They were wriggling all over my dickhead and some were even trying to force their way up into my urethra. I screamed and threw the coconut against the wall, which made the situation worse by spilling the contents. Hours of vigorous cock scrubbing, vomiting, and cleaning the remnants were spent

reflecting on what I was doing with my life. Never again. Not as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't believe it. I thought they were going to make it into his urethra. I thought his mom was going to find the coconut and start cooking with it. There it is!

Why you waste a perfectly good coconut? There's a commercial on TV about that. Not that, but a lady masturbates with a cucumber or something, and then it shows up in the salad, and she's like, I could probably find it.

Just the title of this one. Guy loses his virginity to fat woman, eats her out with the lights turned off, thinks he's licking her pussy clip, but he's really licking a giant hemorrhoid on her asshole. Oh, it's terrible. Oh, what a dark place this is. I'm going to revisit this after the show. This is grotesque.

I like how vividly you picture these things. I saw another post about this kid's like, when I was 13, I was at my grandparents' house and I was jacking off at night and my grandma was asleep. And I don't know what made me do it, but I went in there and came on her face and then ran back to bed. I was like, what's wrong with you?

What kind of 14-year-old thinks like that? Came on his grandma's face. And she was sleeping. I'd love to hear that one read. That was about it. Came on my grandma's face and then ran back. I don't know why I did it, is what he said. Did she wake, I wonder?

No. He says, to this day, I don't know if she knows or not. Which, if she did know, you would never know, my friend. That's a good grandma, right? She keeps a tight lip. Keep that secret. Keeps a tight lip? Yeah.

I would hope so. No drippage. Oh, my wrinkles seem a little better this morning. My zinc cream is working. I smell bleach. It smells bleachy in here. My lips are so salty. So I watched Infinity War finally.

My eyelashes are stuck together. I saw that. I liked it. I really liked Infinity War. I thought they did a really good job with that. Thanos was very entertaining. And I'm looking forward to the second one. They did a good job with Spider-Man, who I didn't think I'd care for.

I don't know. I liked it a lot. Did you see Civil War? Yeah, I did not like that. Oh, I thought Spider-Man was good in that also. Yeah. I just didn't like Civil War. It was just a waste of a movie.

I feel like it's almost become fashionable to hate superhero movies now. And every time I watch them, I'm like, there is a reason these are so popular. It is fun to see it play out. Yeah, I like probably, I like some of them. I didn't like Black Panther. I liked Deadpool. I didn't like Ant-Man. I really like Infinity War, though.

I thought it was really good. I liked it a lot. Didn't a bunch of the heroes die? I thought it was really good. I liked it a lot. Didn't a bunch of the heroes die? It's kind of a spoiler to get too deep into that stuff, but I think everything's going to be okay. My theory is that they're not going to kill off this many cash cows.

But everybody who wants to see that movie has seen it. So I don't think you can... Spoilers are fine at this point. If you like those superhero movies, you've seen that. That's been out for how long? Like four months? Probably. Maybe longer than that. Did you see it in a theater, Kyle? No. I watched it last night. Which ones purportedly died?

Alright, spoiler alerts. Spoiler alert. We're going to talk about who dies in Infinity War. Half of everyone in existence dies. So there's a part where the main bad guy finally gets all of the power that he's been trying to get since the beginning of

2001 or something like that. And he snaps his fingers and literally half of everything in existence on every planet in the entire universe dies. That includes half of our heroes, of course. Like drops dead?

They turn into dust. Oh, is that that meme where everybody is like triangles? Probably, yeah. There's a part where Peter Parker, as he's dying, says, I don't feel so good. So you've probably seen that as a meme. Oh, Spider-Man dies?

He does. A lot of people die. Chris Pratt dies. Gamora dies. Drax dies. Who's Drax? Big blue guy, Batista. Batista.

Groot dies. blue guy, Batista. Batista. The Groot dies. Fucking Captain America dies. The fucking, I think he does anyway. I know Black Panther dies. What about like Iron Man? He lives actually. There's a major plot point around him that he literally says he'll give him the last stone,

the power, or the second to last stone, the power he's searching for, so long as he spares Iron Man. But this is a guy who can time travel and found these, like, there's 14 million ways this can come out. We only win in one of them, and he's like, I need Iron Man to survive. So

one might presume that Iron Man plays a major role in fixing all this. Oh, Thanos needs Iron Man to survive? No, no. Okay, so the guy's name is Doctor Strange. He's the one who can see the future. He played out 14 million ways this could end, and only in one of those ways did the good guys win.

So as he's giving the stone to Thanos that he requires so much that has all this power in it, he says, I'll give you this stone if you make me a deal. Iron Man survives. So it's sort of assumed that Iron Man is going to play a major role in the one out of 14 million scenarios where they win in the end.

The undoing of this? That's the thinking. We've got some time travel next episode, so that'll be fun. And then Deadpool 2 was very good as well, I thought. I really liked that. I had a thing about the time travel I wanted to say I lost it oh oh there's a lot of actors whose contracts are up so some people think they're going to use this time travel universe remapping as a way to get new actors involved like they might not come back

as is Chris Evans the actor's name or the actor's name yeah like chris evans for example is on his last movie in the contract so they may use this as a way to explain why i don't know fucking danny devito is the new captain america instead but he didn't they showed him i'm the trash man. That's great. I don't like that theory. I don't think that's going to happen necessarily. They might use it as a negotiating tool to be like, maybe you come back, maybe you don't.

Right. Hadn't decided yet. Actually, I'm writing it down right now. What do you think? What's your assumption? Well, maybe I'll start watching that. How many movies do i have to go back there's only about 24 for this one i think you literally just have to this is like a

almost a start like you could watch just this infinity war i've seen we need to watch guardians no i've seen the avengers the first one yes I've seen Guardians of the Galaxy. I've seen Deadpool 1 and 2. And that is, I think, it. I saw part of a Captain America, I think the first one, and I left in the middle of it. It was one of the rare movies I left in the middle.

It was so dumb, I was so bored. Captain America, one of those, I left in the middle. It's not my cup of tea. So I've seen those four movies. Well, I would say that, Captain America, one of those I left in the middle. It's not my cup of tea. Not your thing. No. So I've seen those four movies. Well, I would say that, like, for example, Infinity War II,

you'd want to see Infinity War I first, the one that's coming out. But to see Infinity War I, maybe Civil War. Oh, come on. Civil War is the one you don't need to see. Like, nothing happened in Civil War. It was you don't need to see. Nothing happened in Civil War. It was just like everybody got... They made a dozen references to why they had to get over their separation and such. Yeah, but they're over it.

It's not like... I could say that about Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, but you don't know the characters. He won't know who Gamora is. No, I know Chris Pratt, the tree, the guy who goes, nothing goes over my head. He's my favorite. I'm too quick.

He's hilarious. I think there's a blue lady and a green lady, or maybe one blue. Okay, there's both. There's blue and a green. There's a raccoon. Not about a tree. Did you say him already? And then that guy from Michael Madsen. No, it's not him.

It's that guy who throws an arrow at people, and it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Jeremy, is it Rooker? Yep, something Rooker. You're right. Because he's the guy. Nazi zombies. That's what I was thinking of. He was in that George Romeo Nazi zombies

map. And he was Merle from The Walking Dead. Oh, he gets his hand cut off in season one. Or cuts his hand off. Okay. Well, you know, I think I got a pretty good feel on this whole universe. Based on that. I think you're good to go into Infinity Wars. You miss a little bit of

the Asgardian thing because they throw us right into all the Asgardians are dead and it's just Thor and Loki there. I don't know. You could watch it, I guess. There's only two left now? Well, that's easy. That's two characters and I already know their names. There's a bunch of lesser characters, too.

Yeah, I don't know. I feel like having seen every single one of the Marvel movies, I think, yeah. You take a little bit from each of them if you're going to know all the characters and what they do and what their powers are. You've got to watch a couple movies to know who fucking Vision is, I guess.

Vision's so super annoying. I've never even heard of that one. He's a Tony Stark robot with super intelligence and the power of a power stone in his fucking forehead that they nerfed down to a liability by stabbing him in the back right before anything ever happens. Wait, is he a good guy? Yes.

So he's a robot that Iron Man made and gave him a power stone, and then it's like a fake superhero, like a construct superhero? Exactly. He's a construct superhero exactly he's a construct superhero yeah but he's pretty human and he's fucking one of the other superheroes yeah it was robot like he like built him a dick and everything i would assume because they got along real well yeah yeah but it's a big robot dick yeah he's probably jacked i mean he can make it whatever he wants it to be though like like like like dr manhattan i always imagine dr manhattan had a big swinging cock and it's only later that you realize he got to choose his form yeah so no wonder he had a giant like seemed real pervy when you realized that that like oh he's not just being all natural like he just made himself a huge dick yeah yeah

it's cheating he kind of looks like iron man a little bit he's got like the red color the little widow's peak thing but i will tell you this he doesn't look interesting i have no interest in this character whatsoever well yeah he's not very interesting in the movies either he won't be getting his own spin-off i like iron man the most i think based on my memory of avengers one i didn't like the hulk as much because he seemed like kind of you know mealy-mouthed not willing to embrace the fact that he could become like super cool just by getting mad like i didn't like that i didn't like uh arrow guy or black widow but iron man he seemed pretty cool and so their powers i like hawkeye arrow guy like it just seems like i don't know i like what

he does and i like that he has not a lot of power so he needs to work around it i think that's cool but based on their portrayals spider-man iron man like they just have excellent actors the thor guy is really good too um i feel like the best characters are the ones with the best actors behind them yeah thor was thor was great in this movie uh they thor has been pretty funny the last uh few movies he's been in they they they kind of went back to the way he was in the first thor movie it's sort of fish out of water with a bizarre diamond. It's funny. He's real funny. Although he's so powerful now that I'm not sure how he lost

to Thanos to begin with. When he holds open that gate with his bare hands and the neutron star is like blasting him with energy and he's just like fucking taking it. What's he made of? God of god yeah he's a god who's the most powerful guy in that movie other than the bad guy uh probably thor yeah really he beats iron man yeah i'd say so

yeah he's a god he's yeah but he's not like a Jesus-level god or like one of the main monotheistic-level gods where it's like you just... things into existence. He's like shit-tier god where it's like... Like if he were hanging out with Allah and Jesus

and the rest of the gang, they'd be like, what can you do? Oh, you're really quick, huh? Wow, that's neat. That's really cool, buddy. What are Jesus' powers, though? It gets enlightened. Like, rains frogs.

Rains frogs. Transmutes matter, time travel. Creates things out of nothing. Can just change time. Well, it's the Trinity. So it's Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God. Like it's all one and the same. It's a very confusing concept, by the way.

They could turn you into a star or make it so that you never were or create a whole new animal and have that animal fuck you in an alternate universe for an infinity and then bring you back like five minutes at only fast. I mean, this is interesting.

I need to read my Bible again. Jesus would go there and he'd be like, what's the problem? Thanos? What problem, guys? And then they're like, oh wow, you eliminated Thanos! I'm a Christian now! And then he'd be like, but Thor, you're gone too because you're leading people astray. And then he'd kill Thor.

Yeah, he'd have to kill Thor. And probably Iron man and the rest too because he would see them as are you just rooting for the home team here taylor for the home team of who christianity are you just like my god's the best god that's ever got it i'm not even a christian i'm just saying like pick allah then like one of the ones from the religions where they're like this dude did all of it it wasn't like a hodgepodge of, and Loki was like sneaking around. He's the God of tricks. And Odin was like,

boys, boys, settle down. Like, no, like Allah and Jesus, God, like that triumvirate or whatever.

They, they would get shit done. You couldn't include them in this universe. It wouldn't be fun. No, there are gods at that level. They're not in the movies or anything, but I think there's one called the creator.

And then there's another one called, I forget, the White Space or something, and it represents the pages that hold the whole universe. Yeah, they get a little meta on it. The most powerful gods are the authors making the comic books. Oh, that's really lame. Yeah, they don't spend much time talking about them. Well, in real life, people butt me in line

and I'm too much of a pussy to say anything. But here, I'm the god of the white page. Fear me. I may be 5'3 and a portly 4'10, but I'm out there making universes. Saving the world. Yeah, that's about right. That's right.

I've watched some YouTube videos on like who the most powerful and they aren't in the movies uh well kyle i think it's just about that time again yes indeed yes indeed we'll uh we'll tell everyone about the Happy Time murders. Jim Henson Company. Let me square this up. Yeah, the Jim Henson Company was the first to introduce you to the human puppet world. But on August 24th, Henson Alternative will show you what happens on the other side of the street. Brian Henson, the son of Jim Henson, and the director of The Muppets Christmas Carol and The Muppets Treasure Island, brings us the most outrageous R-rated comedy of the summer, The Happy Time Murders, starring Melissa McCarthy as a foul-mouthed detective, Connie Edwards,

who teams up with her puppet partner, Phil Phillips, to find out who's behind a series of puppet murders in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, a world where puppets interact with humans in a very adult and sometimes shocking and ultimately hilarious way. The film's trailer debuted in front of Deadpool 2 and surprised and amazed audiences across the country. You have to see it to believe it.

The Happy Time Murders, rated R, under 17, not admitted without a parent, theaters august 24th well that sounds fascinating the happy time murders the happy time murders well a movie that's not a sequel want to check that out it's a j Henson style R-rated comedy with Melissa McCarthy. Okay. That might be fun. I'm hoping there's some

some Muppet sex, maybe. Some inter... You're going to get us demonetized, Kyle? Is that the goal? I mean... It's R-rated. It's R-rated. There's a fair point, I guess.

You were jizzing on dolls a little while ago. No, I was worried about the sponsor not being happy with the ad read. No, of course. That's what it says. Everything highly suggested here. Suggested here. The puppet murders in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles. It sounds pretty adult to me.

I have a topic. Yeah? How does the sense of smell work? I've had this thing line up for weeks. When you smell somebody's poop, something must make it to your nose. Is there a little bit of airborne

poop in your nose? That's what it is. When you smell a fart, you're smelling very small bits of fecal matter that are in the air dispersing. So that's why it smells bad. So into your lungs, you are sniffing another person's shit, like little microscopic particles. You sure we're not just smelling like methane gas? No, I'm positive. Right?

And when you smell someone's feet, the world is a little grosser if you think it through about how smells work. Yeah, like little bits of their feet odor finding its way to you. That's bad news. Yeah, that's how smell works. You know how you smell wet earth? What exactly is it that's making its way into the nose? Some sort of

rotting bacteria? I know, yeah. We saw that the other day on Reddit. They explained that we're like a billion times more sensitive to that smell than other animals because we evolved uh the ability to smell that smell um of the bacteria in the wet earth to find sources of water you're talking about like stagnant water what that smells like just wet earth after it rains the smell after it rains i think particularly on on earth there's also like that smell that you get after grass is cut where apparently like that's really just an odor put off by the grass as like a distress signal which doesn't work that well

because i think it smells good makes me want to cut the grass more yeah really makes me yeah you don't like that cut grass smell i'm like mildly allergic to it maybe. Oh, well that would... So I associate it with like a clogged nose. Yeah, well that's how smell works, I think. Your olfactory senses. Well, the world is yucky. It is. It's best not to think about someone else's poop particles in your nose,

especially if it's like a big fat fat, gross person who farted. And if it were just methane gas, Kyle, they would all smell the same. But it's not. Alright, so here's the deal. Kyle, let me look up a source and debunk what I'm so sure of. Too late!

So, the different smell is because of the different percentages of nitrogen, oxygen, methane, hydrogen, and carbon dioxide within. However, if you're wanting to get some actual fecal matter, they found that by farting onto Petri dishes, they discovered that you had to be two inches from the asshole to receive any bacteria from the fart. I appreciate that this has been studied. I mean,

two inches, that's very very close. You've got to be in there. So you've got to really be burying your head in an ass and then a fart before any risk is there. Well, that's reassuring for a problem i don't have but huh some i mean but hey that's good to know because some guys are into farts and even

more and some guys are into poop i think mostly germans or maybe japanese anyone who got beat in one of the wars yeah that's what saved italy by the hair of its nose is by the end of the war they're like hey are we cool like we killed that mussolini guy we're on your team now like italy you son of a bitch did this happen losing the cold war are the russians fucked in this regard no no it's gotta it's gotta to be a hot war for it to work. Yeah, they have pea parties over there. Oh, fair point. Maybe that's it.

If it's a Cold War, you only have to do pea parties, which is clearly halfway there. Well, I mean, we do crazier stuff here than pea parties. So I guess that Cold War, maybe it does impact. Well, I mean, we were in a hot war, but not on the home front it's been a while i don't know it's been a hot minute since we've had a while you know we're due but we are overdue for a war the japanese invaded the illusion islands during world war ii did they yes where are the illusion islands uh off the coast of alaska you don't know where the Aleutian Islands are, Taylor. My world geography slipped for a second,

but now I know exactly where those seven islands are. It's U.S. Then I know where they are, too. It's U.S. geography. You don't need a passport to go there. Anything like that? Oh, do we own it again now? It's not one of those little fun fact remnants

where they're like, do you know that Japan still controls the boom, boom, boom, boom? That kind of shit? Do you know that one of these guys hung out in the jungle for 40 years? It's like, no, that wasn't a devoted soldier. That was a madman living in the woods for 40 years. Right? He's just pretending to be a devoted soldier because he didn't

attack anyone. He was actually an AWOL soldier. He wants his benefits now. Would you get your whole pension or whatever? I wouldn't think so. Don't you have to work a little harder to get back to your... I fought from 1941 to 1987.

I won combat pay that whole time. Combat pay. All he really did was win Survivor. He's killed so many Taiwanese fucking farmers over that time just massacring people in the woods just got a thatched hut made of Taiwanese bones

in the middle of the woods ear umbrella they approach me I say why are you here why are you dressed as a Japanese imperial soldier I say I will not fall for your trick, little boy, and I kill them. Try to suck me out of the wood.

Now, that would be sad. Like, that's clearly a crazy person. But it's also not sad because, like, you think if they returned after the war they would have become, like, an accountant or something? Like, no, that person's insane. Yeah. So I watched Infinity War and Deadpool and and i like them both i also watched two shit movies though uh the rock has made a movie called rampage the rock isn't a bad movie the rock is in

a terrible fucking movie called rampage but he's such a good actor like take away all that muscle mass and steroid use he's still getting acting parts bro still getting acting parts i like him right yeah right is he he's this movie called rampage um who's negan from uh the walking dead jeffrey dean morgan i think is his name he's in the movie too and he basically just plays negan like like he's negan the cia agent now though and he's just like la dee da look at this record redacted redacted redacted what are you some kind of international man of mystery and the rock's like he's got like eight titles or something because he's it's a rock movie right like like he's like the head of primatology at a local zoo but he was also ex-special forces and on the UN's

anti-poaching task force. So he's got all of the skills he's going to need for this movie when this experiment goes rogue and turns his gorilla, a timber wolf, and an alligator into gigantic beasts that have to be dealt

with. And so at the end, you have this big face-off between a gigantic alligator. Give me like a... Give us a frame of reference. Like the size of a bus? The size of a car? The size of a building? The size of a building. It's an alligator.

This alligator is about 300 feet long or something like that. I would say. The wolf is probably 50 feet long or something like that, I would say. The wolf is probably 50 feet tall, and because they use some sort of rogue CRISPR technology, it has attributes from other animals.

So he throws the wolf through the air, and the wolf just pops its legs out and glides and does a 180 and comes back. It can fly. The wolf throws it? I don't remember who threw it. I think the gorilla throws it. It doesn't matter.

It matters because I thought the rock might have thrown it. The gorilla is like King Kong size at this point. It puts a person in its hand and pops them in its mouth like a skittle. So at the end, the gorilla and the rock have to face off against the other two. And the rock has like a grenade launcher and a bandolier of grenades and and they literally like this doesn't sound terrible this sounds

it's awful is it the way like when you were describing it i'm like this sounds like a bad movie but like as you keep describing it as soon as you got to the giant animal mishap part i'm like i'm putting this on a list i'm gonna watch it because i love really really bad movies especially bad horror movies this sounds like bad action adventure like sharknado which sharknado stopped being good after they realized how bad it was and they started like making fun of themselves like look at us look at how bad this movie is like the good one was the first one where they were trying to do something and it was just terrible but do you guys do that aren't bad like they're good special effects like like when you see the alligator you'd be like oh shit that looks pretty legit but it was just i i tried to turn it off halfway through it and then i realized there

wasn't anything else to watch so i had to finish it and then i also watched pacific rim 2 which was also quite terrible uh didn't like either of those movies at all well I'm going to check that one out it sounds kind of like what was fun was the what was the rock movie where they Jumanji, Jumanji 2, have you seen that?

no but I know that that's good or I guess it's just Jumanji it was a little bit self aware too like I want to say they each had as teenagers going to the Jumanji world and they all have special powers. They play the role of that guy.

And The Rock's power involved bravery and charming smile. And then he's like... He pigs it. It was self-aware and it was fun. We all liked it. Yeah. I don't know.

The Rock seems like a really nice guy, so I wanted to check out this Rampage movie. Sometimes he can be quite entertaining, but this wasn't it for me. It wasn't even so bad it was enjoyable for you? It was fine. I don't know. It's giant monsters climbing around the Sears Tower

with complete disregard for God knows how many civilians were killed. At no point did they mention that, oh yeah, a million people died today, huh? They just trashed the whole city. And the general's move is to drop a Moab on Chicago. That's the plan. Even though

no matter what you do to these things, they just heal up. It's like they're Wolverine monsters. And the headline might be 30,000 killed in Chicago. Shows progress. Saved 11 deaths. Do you guys do that where you'll watch intentionally

bad, specifically horror movies because they're enjoyable? You like how bad they are? The really gory hokey every once in a while like a little scary moment but mostly just stupid sometimes like nightmare on m street is like that for me uh honestly so is um uh the friday the 13th movies uh they're just so bad they're good um they can be fun to watch but freddy's got a sense of humor freddy's like cracking jokes while he's murdering children so I saw Hellraiser, the original one, for the first time a week and a half ago.

That wasn't one of those really stupid ones. I thought that was a pretty good movie. That was a good older horror movie. If it's stupid but self-aware, I like it. The Sharknado, which I haven't watched any Sharknado's, but the headline for Sharknado 6 is, The Last Sharknado, It about time and i i just like it when they do this stuff like that hellraiser hellraiser is super gory and scary i uh i remember

when i was like fifth or sixth grade or something like that we went to the video rental place and i snuck hellraiser like into the movies like it didn't go it didn't go through my mother like like the movies were just stacked on the counter, and I think she'd looked at them. But then at the last minute, I'm like, aha, no. I think I'll, one moment, and I slide it in with the rest. It's Hellraiser Bloodlines, which is like Hellraiser 4 or something like that.

And Hellraiser Bloodlines, they go back through history and explain how the puzzle box got made. And of course, it's just torture. It's just demonic torture and people getting, like, bloodlines like they go like back through history and explain how the puzzle box got made and of course it's just torture it's just demonic torture and people getting like twisted together into one person while they scream and moan and people just having hooks pulling their bodies in every possible dimension dimension uh direction by the the the i can't remember what they call themselves what pinhead calls himself the the nanobites. Yeah, something like that.

The necrobites or something like that. They're just fucking demons. It's terrifying. In the original, in the book, I think that it's blood that drips on the floor and brings back the dead guy. But in the book, it's jizz. I'm almost positive that it's jizz that gets on the floor, just like our cum box guy, and brings back this demonic murderer to life. Yeah, that ruined me. Like, mom's like, you boys want pizza?

My buddy was over. We were both like, no. No, we don't want any pizza. We're not hungry. We're not hungry. He's actually going to go home. Brad's going home. He doesn't feel well.

Yeah, that was a really good one. I thought that was a very good movie. I liked it. Honestly, they hold up. The more you watch of those, they're still good. They're all scary. That's a really good bad guy.

I feel like the bad guy is more of the main character in the Hellraiser movies than whatever poor individual has stumbled upon the puzzle box. Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to – I know there's – I don't know how many exactly. I know there's at least a second one. Is that any good or is it like –

Yeah. Yeah. They're all good, honestly. I like them. You get more of the backstory and history as they go. Like eventually you get the backstory of pinhead himself he was like a world war world war one or two like officer or something like that and he found the puzzle box maybe in north africa or something like that i remember exactly but like yeah like an axis or an allied guy i think he was a bad guy i think that

was i i maybe he was british i don't remember exactly everybody's a bad guy in that thing though everybody ends up just being a monster or a demon or something and there's like one girl who escapes every movie but but yeah those are dark the ones that are really silly are like um not gremlins um what are those fucking things that like... They're like balls of like... It's just a ball with a mouth. That roll around and shoot the spines out of themselves. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Yeah, man. Is it like bootleg shitty gremlins? Horror movie ball monsters. Oh, you'll get it. Ball monsters. Critters. Critters. Yeah, you found it.

It's critters. Yeah. Yeah, critters is one of the ones that you can really laugh at. Because the critters are like, it's like a ball covered in porcupine quills that rolls, and it's just a mouth that opens and eats. And at the end, they all join together in one gigantic ball. And when it rolls over a person, it just strips them of all their flesh and just keeps rolling through town and stuff like that.

Yeah, Critters. They made a bunch of those. They're PG-13. Ah, it's dark. And then, oh, there's a lot of shitty horror movies oh did you ever watch the uh the clowns from outer space that movie that i was sending you those clips i i watched those clips but no i didn't end up watching it i need i'll put that on the list clowns in outer space outer space oh it's filled with a k

killer clowns from outer space yeah yeah yeah killer clowns from outer space like the clips from that are just hilarious it's just some of the worst acting ever put to put up put on screen it's uh it's good stuff and the clowns do not they look like clowns i've never seen the room are you familiar with that one uh i haven't seen it but i'm familiar with it yeah cool story Mark that's the one have you seen it or you just know clips of it I've watched clips like it looks really really funny though

yeah I need to check that out like the guy like has seized on it being like a famous cult classic now and will like act like it was intentionally made shitty in interviews but it was not he was trying to make a good movie and it was terrible like it i've thought about it before i'm like oh maybe

i'll watch that movie but then when you look at the clips it's so uncomfortable like the delivery and the standing i watched this one guy he was like stopping and starting the clip where they're on the roof that guy where he's like oh hi mark you know and he comes up there and he like starts he takes one drag of a cigarette and like throws it away and like stands up walks around like i don't know what the term is called kyle maybe you know like actors continuity error no no like spacing is that what it's called we're like you need to make sure that the people on screen are in the logical way so it makes sense like two people who are speaking to each other should be facing each other like in this it's just like people walking around like doing nonsense i

don't know what the term is in the film business uh it was so uncomfortable though hi mark how's your sex life oh good it's pretty funny i need to see it i got a topic What is worth owning the luxury version of? Knives. Toilet paper was the top answer on Reddit. Oh. I mean, toilet paper isn't even that bad. Just grab more of it if you have the shitty kind. Unless you get like that one-ply truck stop,

you know, punching your finger through on accident kind of stuff. You don't want that. You also don't need Charmin quadruple quilt. I'm sure that's probably what we have. Our toilet paper is a pleasure. I feel like

TV is a good answer if you watch a lot of TV. If you're going to be staring at this thing, then you might as well have the best clarity, the best picture you can get. I like Apple laptops in a similar way. The meat is another one.

Really? Yeah, like you should buy premium cuts of meat. If you go to Walmart and buy their pre-packaged flank steak or whatever, throw it up seasoning or sauces or whatever, it'll be fine, whatever stir fry you're making. But it's just not as good as if you go to like walmart and buy their pre-packaged flank steak or whatever like throwing up seasoning or sauces or whatever it'll be fine whatever stir fry you're making but like it's just not as good as if you go to a butcher yeah for sure even close i definitely like the cost definitely like good meat um i'm really happy with my uh my computer chair that maxinomic computer chair

that i bought it was like 500 and it seemed like a lot at the time because amongst the other computer chairs that was pretty high it's not a Herman Miller or anything but amongst the chairs that it's comparable to I was really happy that I got the one I got. I feel the same way. Mine's a Herman Miller that you mentioned but

I was getting a new chair like every two years and I want to say I've had this one six or something like, so it's turned out not to be more expensive in the long run. Yeah. I definitely agree on the knife thing, especially if it's like a kitchen knife, like a pocket knife,

you can just kind of sharpen up maybe, but like I can sharpen any knife, but it's nice to have a nice kitchen knife. I'm really happy with mine. I'm happy that I spent the money on my gaming PC. Cause like every, every, every $500 is very noticeable in that little world. Yeah. Tinder Gold was one of the answers.

It says instead of blindly hoping you'll match and see if someone liked you, you pick from the people that matched you. That's how Tinder Gold works? That seems like a huge advantage. It is. Yeah, I don't use it anymore, obviously. Damn it, I'm still paying for that.

I forgot to turn that off. God damn it, don't you hate that? It's funny, yeah. If Tinder's really successful in what they do, they lose customers. Oh, yeah. If you're finding people that you stay with through tinder it's not going to work out so it needs to be based on what tinder does is not set up long-term

relationships so if as long as if tinder does what it's designed to do it proliferates very well fair enough fair enough what is uh this is a question on there for you and i kyle what's the worst thing you've ever said to a tinder girl i'll let you think for a sec because i can't think of anything worse than when that woman had that she worked at a special needs school and i said that's a perfect occupation for you and she said why and i said because that ass is retarded and then she blocked me that's that's really funny i've said some mean stuff but only like I don't remember exactly what I said but I know that like I was being annoyed

and I find it very annoying if a chick doesn't have a car if she doesn't own a car and I've got to go supposedly pick her up or send an Uber and I can get to this level where it's like alright well I'd be fine if you just never fucking

spoke to me again but I don't write that I just sort of get to this level where it's like, all right, well, I'd be fine if you just never fucking spoke to me again. But I don't write that. I just sort of just try to be like, oh, you don't have a car. That's a shame. Now we're done. In my head, I'm like, we're done. Just don't message me ever again because I'm not going to deal with somebody who doesn't have a fucking car. Right?

It's absurd. To me, personally, it's absurd. You have two cars and she can't have one? Loser. I'm not buying her a car or gifting her a car. I wasn't suggesting that. I was just saying this woman is so unaccomplished that she can't have one, and then there you are as two. No wonder you look at her and say, you don't have a car.

Get on my level. The real thing, though, Kyle, is the level of spoiled you get with Tinder, with getting laid, is you'll sit there and be like, Oh, I'm not going to leave my house for pussy. You want me to meet you somewhere? You want me to pick you up? Nay, nay. No, there's too many people who have cars. That can end up being so awkward though, right?

If you go and pick a girl up bring her to your house if everything doesn't go perfectly then what happens next which is you driving her back to her house and saying goodbye can become incredibly awkward like like if if there is no sex right if it's just like an awkward like we don't really like each other kind of thing and then you've got to take her home that's super awkward and you've got to take her home but then like if things do go well but not very well like maybe you don't want to take her home maybe you're not gonna take her home and then she gets all struggly and tries to she didn't know where she is where she running right i don't even know what street we're on i was about to say why don't you just stay at her place as if this no car woman has her own apartment And isn't living with her parents or something

So many So many of them will have Yeah right so many of them will have You know like a roommate Or they're living with like three other girls Or something like that Or they're living with their parents or whatever So that's a little frustrating

Don't want to deal with any of that And so I don't remember specifically what I've said, but I've definitely gotten to a rude place eventually with someone who kept being like, no, no, just come get me, I promise, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, well, I can Uber you. I don't really want to Uber. All right, well, then maybe I get rude.

Then here we are. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I don't blame you one bit. I've never told a girl her ass is retarded, though. I would never say that normally. It was just really funny because she worked with retarded kids. Oh, I follow. It's good.

I like it. Yeah, see, it was... Were you hoping that she liked the line? Ah, okay. Yes, you were hoping. You were rolling the dice on that. It was late at night on like a tuesday or something and it's like let's just fire this one over there see what happens and then you know check back the next morning it's like blocked

like oh well you know you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take wayne gretzky michael scott michael scott so so you got and honestly like if she had replied back to that with like a little quip of her own like you'd have probably seen that there was something there this was uh for sure that was a fact-finding mission yeah seeing if you can't handle that joke we're not going to get along if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best yep that was in my uh my tinder bio tell me it was was it really no i feel like it could be there ironically it would be well i mean i like putting ironic stuff that's why i have new york times best-selling author on my twitter profile i i thought of something you should add to it i'm

glad you mentioned that add to it uh professor adjunct gender Studies, Berkeley University. That's perfect. I'm adding it right now. Just add that. Just think of the credibility that that lends you in those ridiculous gender-based arguments that you're always getting into with people. Like someone who doesn't know who you are right away. Or like, he is the professor of gender studies at Berkeley. And then throw in like, proud woman. I had on there a while back, preferred pronouns were sim sim salabim. And fee fie fo fum.

That was a funny one. uh twitter is a silly place um i i i really like that right now you're a new york times best-selling author i i because i guarantee someone has went to argue with you seen that gotten intimidated and been like maybe i'm the one who's wrong. Should I be adjunct or should I be tenured? I think adjunct. I don't think you're quite old enough to be tenured yet. I don't know how old I am. My picture is a picture of Jon Hamm crying with a blues hat on, and my banner is a picture of Jim Carrey crawling out of a rhino's ass from Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

I'm not a man who demands a lot of credibility on Twitter. Well, then I'll let you be the deciding factor in all this, but I like it a lot that you're now a professor of gender studies at such a storied university. I think it's going to lend a lot of credibility to many of your opinions that you inflict upon the Twitterverse. Oh, yeah. Adjunct professor, Berkeley University, gender studies. So I wonder, I used to be, when I was making a living in social media,

I could tell you what the different platforms were for. Like where Facebook specialized, where YouTube specialized, et cetera. I feel like now I can't. Because Instagram seems to be the center of everything. That's where you follow your favorite people. Twitter is just for arguing and bullshit. Facebook is dying. Snapchat is dying. Am I right on any of this?

Facebook is dying. Snapchat is not. It's popular with very, very young people. I think it'll be a flash-in-the-pan thing. In a year, it won't be as popular as it is today, I don't think. I think it's less about who is there that you're going at. Well, I think it's

more about that you're using them all in the same way to get different groups of people, and their popularity is going to wax and wane as they introduce new features i don't think anything is like for sure on the downcline or for sure on the upswing like like every time twitter starts doing poorly is on the downturn for sure i don't know about that because facebook's so much bigger than the other ones and it's not just connecting with friends well i i'm

not saying that it's like tanking badly but the way you can tell with social media is the longevity of it is the likelihood of young people to be joining up at a continued rate. And Facebook's getting beat out by places like Snapchat as far as very young people. That's true, but Facebook has become more than just

social media sharing you. I might be looking at Facebook through a narrow lens because I use it for paramotor stuff, but I know that Facebook has replaced every forum everywhere. It used to be if you were into off-roading or woodworking, these are all me things, paramotoring,

etc., you would find a forum for that and figure out which one's biggest, and that's where that community lives. Facebook has taken every community for every hobby everywhere. I think stuff like that gives it staying power, not just... Maybe, yeah, yeah. It'll be around

for a long, long time. It's just not going to be the king with young people, and young people are kind of, you know, the weather vein of which of these apps or services are going to be successful in the future. If that's my logic here, then I should be saying that Snapchat's doing fantastic, which I guess they kind of are i'm a big fan of snapchat

i use snapchat a lot i never use snapchat and twitter isn't even like twitter's just for shit posting now i feel like like you just throw something out there people get upset and then you have some fun with it and every once in a while you're getting like a genuine discussion with someone but for the most part you're not going to have any real discussions on twitter you're going to bitch at each other and people will be entertained by it. But Professor...

Well, now I'm going to start getting in... Oh, I'm going to go super hard left on a lot of these. This could be fun, Kyle. Good idea. You can even do that. Oh, I can. Yeah. You'll have to show me. I'll believe it when i see it well next time we have a discussion on gender or something i'll play the other side next time we have like a good luck

getting left of me on gender i would like it if you were also i would like it if you were also like use your own picture but claimed to be a female to male transsexual like like you were a woman and now you're a man? Wait, what if I put a picture of just my face the way it is now with the beard, and I put MTF post-op? Oh, man. I might get banned from Twitter for that.

Oh, no, I'd have more time to be productive. Now choose to live my life as a woman if i get banned on twitter for something i'm absolutely not doing the anthony kumia where you make 10 new accounts getting banned intermittently for for the same shit over and over i just i've had my i've had my twitter account for coming up on apr 2010. So eight, nine years. Long time. I've had eight years, over eight years now. And I have 6,288 tweets.

Anthony Cumia has had his newest account that didn't get banned since March of this year. April, May, June, July, August. Five months. And he has 8,071 tweets. I'm getting blown out of the water by this guy, by sheer volume. I've had my Twitter account since 2009, but I don't pay much attention to it. It still advertises Woody Craft. That's my banner.

It is. You've got 26,000 tweets. Almost all of them are things you liked. Or uploaded on YouTube. Like none of them are like, just finished a workout or just did this. You have to go back. Oh, here's one.

Oh, by the way, everybody, follow my Instagram, STL underscore Taylor. I'm still not at 10,000 and that's disappointing. I'm at almost 7,000 though, and that's disappointing. Oh. I'm at almost 7,000, though, so you fuckers, get it up there. Oh, I started watching, what's that fucking show, that Canadian silly comedy show, Letter Kenny? I don't know how to pronounce it.

I started watching this Canadian comedy show. I'm going to make sure I'm, I think it's Letter Kenny. Letter Kenny. Yeah. I haven't heard of sure I'm... I think it's Letterkenny. Letterkenny. Yeah. I haven't heard of that. All right. It's called Letterkenny. It's on fucking Hulu, and it's hilarious.

It's hilarious. What's it about? I don't know, man. I can't explain it. It says Wayne and his buddies get into scuffles with their small-town Ontario rivals. Yeah. That sounds about right. It's got five seasons.

It's fucking hilarious. It's 97% for Google users like it. It's 8.2 on IMDb. I started watching clips on YouTube, and they're just hilarious. These are the hockey players that argue with each other in a real monotone way. Does this sound right? It's pretty close. I don't think they're hockey players, but they're Canadian.

You're right. You're right. Yeah like we could watch a short clip of it there's one there's one in particular one is they argue with hockey players it's the one i'm thinking yeah all right well here it is then this is it okay perfect i think they've done like a weird thing with the screen so that you don't get a copyright thing. I don't know what they've done exactly, but I guess that works. If it doesn't work, I can find another copy. I've only ever had copyright issues with music.

I think that's how the bots are good at finding music. I'm at zero. I'm ready. Ready, set, play. I'm ready. Ready, set, play. Hicks, kids, hockey players, and Christians. These are their problems. A couple hockey players come up the produce stand the other day.

Great, there's music. Bye. I can't believe your sister's still dating these nutsacks. Wayne? great there's music nice onesie the coming men's oh I think you coming men enough for all of us I think you better come in my I mean you better come up I think you better come say that to his face, you fucking hicks. Nice execution. You're doing terrific. Hey, I heard about your breakup, buddy. She was a sweetie for what, five years, right?

Oh, you're a high school sweetie, right? What's it to ya? Courage to cheat on you, buddy. That's a real kick in the knackers, bro. Just a real ouchie, bro. It's too bad she taught you not to fight anymore, buddy. Cause that's a fight on sight for you and her new guy, buddy. Fourth life for life, bro.

Maybe if you'd ever been in a real fight you might not be so keen for another what'd you say you heard me almost tarps off boys you looking for a tilly buddy let's have a donnybrook pump the brakes you take your shirt off and leave your sunglasses on what sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that you You gonna fight with those shades? Just play pokestars.com. Dude, I can't hold you, I can hold my spitters. Just put the spitters down. Tick-tock! Go time! Go time! Look at that fucking treasure trail.

What's up with your fucking body hair, Big Shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician quaffed that for you? You can kiss my aesthetician. You guys do cross fit? You can cross fuck off. Cross fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?

What? Oh, she's bashful. Oh come on, kitten. I won't tell anyone. Ballpark 6 to 8? You're a fucking animal. Play a little 5 on 1? Hit the kitchen, mix a batch. Feed the ducks. Distribute some free literature.

Go time! Fucking shut up! Riley, Jonesy, put your fucking shirts on and get out of here. This isn't over! Jinx, you owe me a coke. I'll never buy you a coke. It's a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but sure as God's got sandals it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails. I'm going to check that show out.

That looks really funny. That guy is literally the toughest guy in their town. And after that episode, he realizes that he's going to go back to fighting because he's broken up with this girl who got him to stop fighting. And so they have to put word out to all of the guys who now think that they are the toughest guy in Letterkenny.

And each of them in succession shows up at his driveway and they have a fist fight to determine who is the toughest guy in Letterkenny. Yeah, yeah. He goes through a whole ritual every time. He takes a shot, lights a cigarette, talks a little shit, and then beats the hell out of them. That's not the one I saw, although I did like that one. They meet these hockey players and at the end they're just in awe. It's called the one I saw, although I did like that one. They meet these hockey players, and at the end, they're just in awe. It's called Benders. I think the show you're talking about.

That is the finest chirping I've ever seen. Have you ever played hockey? You should play hockey. They just bow down to his chirping ability. Yeah, it's really funny. That writing style, that snappy back- back and forth silliness is throughout it and with the canadian like dial i don't know the their affect on the words where do you have a donnybrook uh hulu okay yeah it's on hulu oh well then i'm i'll watch an episode or two of that after the

show before i go to bed that looks really really funny yeah i watched like the first three episodes earlier and i really liked it. It's pretty fucking good. Canadians have some good shows. Yeah. There's this, there's Trailer Park Boys, and I'm sure there are others. Yeah.

This Trailer Park Boys list is pretty long. It goes on to two, maybe even three figures, potentially. Almost a handwork of programming. Almost half a hand, anyway. The Great White North, keeping us comfortable with comedy. If I had to live in a country that wasn't the U.S., it'd be Canada, for sure. Or maybe, yeah, probably Canada and then Australia. Why that order? Have you not considered the weather? Because I like hockey, and I like, I think, I mean, I'm sure Australian culture is pretty similar to ours, but I feel like there's nobody closer to us than Canada.

I bet you're right. But New Zealand. I hear good things about New Zealand. New Zealand would be good, too. They've got, like, you never hear about bad shit happening in new zealand even the ring got destroyed yeah like it it's gonna be fine like there's not there's not much crime the economy's great uh i'm making all this up so it might not be true but it it that it seemed feels right very little gunplay a little gunplay or a little knife play not a lot of stabbings probably I like it because

you know you get to walk the path to Mordor how many times can you do that before you're like burnt out I think once and I would have had enough based on the movie it seemed like a really long trail and there's lots of people and things trying to kill you

that would still be neat. That's a vacation I'd like to go on. New Zealand. Yeah, me too. We've got a New Zealander, a Kiwi, in our Patreon chat. He has never shown up sober. Well, I mean, it's the other side of the world.

Right. So it's nighttime there. Of course you're not sober. No, it's early morning he's coming off of a bender like he's been up all night he's been up all night partying partying and then i think they're 13 or 14 hours ahead of us so we'll start our show at like like 11 a.m yeah like something like that and then they're so he's like 1 or two a.m the next morning or maybe even a little later sometimes it seems like because it seems like sun's coming up during the sun is coming up

and he's in like a covered porch with the jungle behind him because you hear like yeah i don't know where the fuck he is but every time you'll like he have you noticed he never gives real answers about what he's been up to or what he's doing we'll be like yeah and dude looks like you've had like a rough night or you had some fun or something what's going on and he'll go his eyes are never open well he's gonna yeah man just you know enjoying myself having fun like when i was some friends came back and you know here here we are another patron didn't answer anything about what you did another patron is like like, what are you on, dude? What is that guy on?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's always on, you know, alcohol or maybe he's eating like a pot brownie or something like that. He doesn't seem like drunk. It seems like marijuana, like really like stonery. Yeah, yeah. It's a mixture of things i won't say his name but uh but he's well known in in our little community i'm sure he i'm sure

he's not ashamed because he shows up blasted every every show yeah hey he paid for it he can show up however he wants that's right that's our policy i'm like a guy who's not good at identifying people when they're drunk or whatever he is. Is that Beth? Yeah, is that Beth? Oh, yeah. Well, with him, it's like instantly, I know, I know he's got something cooking over there. I don't know. What are you cooking with over there?

You've got like a whole stein of beer. What are you drinking? What do you have there, Taylor? Just Bud Light. That's a big boy. Like 16-ounce glass, I guess. Actually, now that he holds it up, it just seems like a regular beer glass? Just Bud Light. That's a big boy. Like 16 ounce glass, I guess. Now that he holds it up, it just seems like a regular beer glass filled with Bud Light.

It's like, holy shit, Taylor, what do you got cooking there? Bud Light and a beer glass? A regular glass? Filled with Bud Light? Oh, the hard stuff. Yeah, the real hard stuff. Yeah. You just fucked up. Have like three of these and you can hardly walk.

I probably could. It's interesting to see the little slice of human life that we've got in our Patreon hangouts that you can become a part of by going to the link down below, of course. But like 40% of them aren't just stoned. They're getting stoned. Everybody's pulling out a pipe or a bubbler or, like, doing some dabs, or they've got, like, a fucking, like, electronic vaporizer or something.

Like, oh, yeah, this is the E stoner. Yeah, one of them goes to me. He goes, I don't remember who it was, but, like, I was using this. And he goes, ah, you got that vape? And I'm like, yeah, I got the Juul. It's smaller, and it fits in my pocket. And he goes, oh, no, got that vape and i'm like yeah i got the jewel it's smaller and it fits in my pocket and he goes oh no i mean mine's for weed all right well you mr too cool for school i guess i guess i'm outclassed again yeah if you have 50 to hang out with us you have 750 to burn

your weed it seems yeah i feel like i'm like like that we as a collective are almost the frumpy old guys sometimes where we'll be like all right guys let's keep this under control a bit let's not get too high blasted in the middle of the day it's like it's just like it's like noon it's like after this ends i got shit to do You guys are just getting stoned off your gourd. I guess it is usually like a Sunday. It's like, I live in a garage. I love that guy. That guy's great.

I love garage Andy. It's funny, like all the scenarios. We always outline bad things that could happen with him, and it starts with opening the door to his room. Yeah. The wall to his room the wall those who don't know one of our our patreon guys and and uh his name's any spider pig uh you know he's he's usually he's on twitch messing around he's in and i know from discord and play games with him occasionally

well he lives in a garage all right he's 22 years old i think 21 23 somewhere in there he's great and he lives he lives in a garage. And he comes to you live from the garage. But he doesn't seem like he's poor necessarily. He just seems like he's saving any money that would be spent on an apartment and living in a garage. So the garage is decorated with all kinds of Game of Thrones stuff. There's a motorcycle

parked right behind him. His Honduran girlfriend, which he refers to as it is walking around in the background it's uh he's a very entertaining fellow he's a lot of quality folks he yeah he has some cool toys like did he have an infinity gauntlet in one of the weekends am i mixing that up dude like i it might have been anthony anthony's got so many props anthony's got got so many props he was wearing something so many props. He was wearing something on his head the other night, streaming

on Twitch. Anthony's great. Yeah. Anthony, for those of you who aren't aware, he's the one who made those pictures of fake all of us, where he put a fan on his back and a trash bag over there to blow up and pretend to be Woody.

What did he do for you kyle you had a gun and alcohol in his belly was hanging out like like he's wearing i think he's wearing one of my shirts but he always like like he's he's a little overweight so he always accentuates that as much as possible sticks his belly like straight out and like sits as as as terribly as he possibly can to make himself look as fat as possible, and then he takes terrible angles on purpose. He's a real joker. It's really funny. I like it. Yeah, I like people

who do stuff like that. I've got an AMA question if we want to jump to something like that. Have you ever taken pride in being great at something only to find out that you're not? Oh, man. I thought this was a good one if you guys need to think i i wrote down in our google doc uh one i can go if you guys um

i feel like i'm good about this that i was talking to someone about this just just last night like i feel like i i'm pretty good at like self-evaluation and not getting too carried away with it. And my conversation last night led to Wings, how Wings used to think he was literally one of the best gamers in the world. And I was talking about, I was always good, and I was better than almost anybody I'd run into online. But even then, I realized that even if i i'm better than 98 of the people in existence there's millions of people who are just better than me in that two percent right there's just so many people playing this game or there's no different gamers right to be as like a cogent thorough thinking adult this could be like something you did as a kid where you don't have that perspective and maybe you thought you were really tremendous at something and it turns

out you're not is there anything like that that you can think of no honestly because i like like even as a kid i was like even if i'm the best baseball player on this team like there's there's there's people you know at regionals and then at state and then at a national level and then at a world level like like like i i don't know i just feel like i've always had a good grasp on like not getting a carry getting carried away then then you're a smarter man than me because when i was in high school uh i had a group of friends and we would go to this place called sky zone i don't know if that was like all over the place or it was just like a regional thing but it was basically uh floors and walls not like straight up walls but like the angled kind and then the floor of trampolines there's all trampolines and you could

go into like the free jumping area and like fuck around and do like crazy flips and whatnot but we never did that they had a dodgeball course there a couple of them and it was like the same thing tons of trampolines on the ground and then like trampolines on the side so you could like jump up and do like flips off the wall while you're dodging and throwing it was really really cool and fun and we used to go there me and a group of like four other friends uh and we'd go and play like uh pub matches i guess is the the equivalent of that we'd go and play any takers and we would thrash people we didn't lose ever ever playing against in our pub matches like it got to the point where like we all pumped each other up enough.

We'd leave there and go to Steak and Shake or something nearby and be like, yeah, we're pretty fucking good at this. Did you see they have a tournament? Did you see they have a tournament for this stuff? Dude, let's enter the tournament. It's only like $15 a person, and we'll go, we'll play in the tournament, and who knows? Maybe we'll do decently well.

Maybe we're not going to win, but we'll do okay, I'm sure. We beat everybody, and it's the same kind of thing. Secretly holding out hope you will win. So maybe we'll do decently well. Maybe we're not going to win, but we'll do okay, I'm sure. Like, we beat everybody. And it's the same kind of thing. Secretly holding out hope you will win. Yeah, like, there are clips of, like, there was this guy from, like, a few years ago named John Scott in the NHL. He was, like, 6'10 or something retarded and was just an enforcer. And next to NHL players when he was playing, he looked terrible. Like, just, like, was not on the level of the other NHL players when he was playing, he looked terrible. He was not on

the level of the other NHLers. But then you watch clips of that guy with normal humans and normal hockey players, beer league guys, and you're like, holy shit, this guy's got dangles, he's got hands, he's skating up and down, he's moving back and forth real quick. That was the level of skill difference that was shown to me after this.

We show up, and first thing I notice is we're the only team that doesn't have a uniform. We showed up in T-shirts and shorts. We're a bunch of 16-year-old guys. And everybody else has, like, ball fondlers or, like, other sexual puns and stuff written on their chest. And the other thing I noticed at first is, like,

oh, no, these are adults all of these are adult men in their uh like mid-20s mid-30s like fit active men and there was one big fat samoan guy on like the ball fondlers team or something and i'm like well hopefully we get put up against them because i can hit that guy no problem like he's not jumping anywhere he's gonna puncture the hole in the goddamn trampoline and so thank god we got paired up against this guy's team in the first round and like they have all the balls in the middle you know and so as it starts what we used to do is we jump to the middle looks it turns out that we didn't have a physics professor on our team because the other guy did this crazy thing where he was skipping

across the trampolines. We're like, how's he getting this kind of speed? He wasn't elevating himself. He was going like, like one of those running lizards across water. Jesus Christ lizards. That kind of thing. And so we get there. Our team only gets like three of the balls. Jesus Christ lizards. That kind of thing. We get there. Our team

only gets three of the balls. They get seven. We're in the back, kind of bouncing up and down. We've got to wait and let them throw some first before we start going. The big fat Samoan guy hasn't moved. He's standing on the back in between where the trampolines are on one of the

hard areas. One of the guys who grabbed one of the good balls, everybody who plays dodgeball knows that there are the good balls and the shitty balls and he grabs the good ball gives it to you know the guy who looks like he's saying uh somewhere over the rainbow uh in that in that giant uh you know the guy who died big fat and gives it to him. And he immediately just, he fires a dodgeball harder than I've ever seen anyone throw a dodgeball in my life. This guy's like, boom! There was no fucking arc.

There was nothing. It was a frozen rope. Just, boom! Hits my buddy, who's usually pretty good at catching, just hits him so hard it bounces back one of their sly guys does a little skipping maneuver grabs it again gives it to the big guy he boom fires another one out gets another one my friends out i'm already realizing this was a poor decision and wasted 15 dollars i like we tried getting them so hard we maybe got two other guys

out the whole game and we got pummeled. Like, all six teams or whatever were playing on, like, two of the three courts, and our game was over when they were, like, a third of the way through their real game with real men. It was terrible. By the time we got to match three, the active conversation in our group was,

how many more are left? Like, how many more times do we have to we have to go against big samoan guy again because i don't want to i don't want to play that way one of my friends got hit so hard and was so discouraged we had an extra friend there who ended up pinching in that he goes i'm fucking done with this this isn't fun and so he went up to like the balcony to watch us get our asses kicked douche uh you know who i'm talking to if you're listening to this carter uh but yeah this that it was not a fun experience but it really opened my eyes to like wow i thought i was genuinely really really above average bordering on pretty good at dodgeball and these guys demonstrated that we suck cock and we didn't even have the wherewithal to stop at a

you know uh screen printing press for shirts area and get a clever name. So that was not fun. Yeah, I didn't have anything like that. Even with paintball, like, you know, of course, I was the best paintball player at my house. And then, like, you know, we'd go to, like, local fields, and I was the best paintball player there. And then, you know, we'd travel out of state, and I was still pretty good. Like, I never got into any, like, crazy tournaments or anything, but I never ran into anybody that would just thrash us either.

Really? Well, you were also playing with, like, Kitty and... Or, no, this is when you were very young, you're saying. Yeah, yeah. This is, like, 14-, 15-year-old me playing paintball. Like, we'd go to South Carolina and play against people there, and it was never peaceable, but we didn't lose. We'd usually make people very upset.

That's what you want in paintball. Yeah. Or dodgeball or any sport like that. You want to make your opponent upset. That's what's fun. Anything like that for you, Woody? I can't find a picture of it. I never thought I was good, good,

like high school Taylor did. But I did play beer league hockey, and my team had won the B League championship that year. a picture of it i never thought i was good good like like you know high school taylor did but i did play beer league hockey and my team had won the b league championship that year oh my god i just oh no i thought i found a picture it's not i'll find it someday so we were like the b league champions right of this like north carolina hillsborough league right not not an elite the heart of hockey right thank you and But we figured we were like, okay. And it was a team made up of like gardeners and computer programmers and college professors and stuff, right? Not tip-top athletes, but people who would stay in their position and play the game okay.

And we entered a tournament which brought in teams from all over the East Coast, right? People were coming from Boston. There were Canadian teams there. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, my God the canadian teams weren't even the worst right like they were fucking good but they played us politely it like it there was a there was another team that like they watched them play you know we're up by five guys go easy on them we don't want to break yeah that's about how it went there was another. There was a team that was better than us, and they were watching this Canadian team just fucking maul everybody, right?

And they're like, you know what? Like, I think we got to play them physical, you know? These guys, they're all finesse. I think if we just lay some bodies on them, we have a chance. Minutes into that game, right, the Canadians are like, oh, I see. And they just start wrecking they're like oh you know like you know we could lay bodies too and we could do it better than you do but they weren't our problem our problem was this military team they were all excellent they were like top

not shape they their hobby is fucking running and carrying heavy shit whatever soldiers do and uh they went up against us and like i i don't want to admit i was scared to play them but that's pretty accurate i think and uh one of my teammates who was one of the better guys on our team just got laid the fuck out right and i happened to be near their bench and and it was almost more insulting, but I heard the other guy go, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not cool. They're not that kind of team. They were petitioning each other to chill out because this was such a mismatch. So yeah, we had hoped that we'd make some noise. That's when you have to take your gloves off and pretend sign language at them.

Please stop beating the shit out of us. No punch. Yeah, our goalie was like 50, but he was pretty good, actually. He used to play A-League for a while, and he had stepped down into R-League. But, yeah. Goalie was 50. But he was always, you know, goalie, a lot of it is making the right decision before the play. You know, he'd get his fiber before the game, and he was fine.

He was the one that explained what aging was like to me. It sunk in my head because I was like, I used to heal in three days, and now it takes two weeks. And he's like, why do you hit 50? It's cumulative all season long. Was this like in your 30s? Yeah. Probably early 30s.

It might have been in my 20s, late 20s, early 30s. Yeah. So I was just approaching 30. But yeah, so we got wrecked. But I never thought I was really good. We just thought maybe this regional tournament we'd do okay. It's swimming. My dad used to do beer leagues.

And because I played pretty competitive hockey, I knew a lot of those old school blues players who some of their kids would play on teams or similar teams to me and they would come in and sub-coach. Al McInnes, if you know who that is. I know you know who that is. Kyle does.

The no helmet guy. In the 90s, he has the hardest slap shot ever for someone with a wood stick because he played in that later era he could shoot it like 105 miles an hour or some shit with a wooden stick so hard it was like hey al fuck like and then six foot ten zidano chara from czechlo whatever the fuck now he can fire it you know 110 or whatever the hell but he was playing uh on my i was very young and i was like in the stands watching my dad's beer league team and al mckinnis decided he wanted to like

sub in and play and so uh he's like a hall of fame nhl defenseman playing with people who are like what do you do well i'm an accountant at a big four firm what do you do well i run a chain of chico ways like those kind of people and al was playing at maybe four percent capacity like it was clear he could have been drunk he could have been on pcp and still like you could tell when he got a little frustrated like when he wasn't trying that hard and someone would like like lift his stick and steal the puck like you could see his decision making where he would decide like no i no, I'm going to score. And he would just steal it. Like, he'd have, like, a center, like, I'm open, I'm open, a winger, I'm open.

He's like, no, no, I play for the Blues. He'd skate up and boom. He wouldn't take a slap shot because he doesn't want to actually hurt somebody. But, like, little wrist shot, score. It was incredible to see the difference in skill. You know, that was, you know, Al McInnes, those beer leaguers was right there with uh fucking somewhere over the rainbow guy and me in dodgeball dude i played with a few pros that was so spirit crushing it's fun to play with pros usually they like the pros i played with they weren't like al mckinnis level guys but they were nhl guys and they would

just like one i would pass to them with what was basically a slap shot or something. And they would catch it in midair if it was in air. They'd catch it on the ground. I'd send, if people don't play hockey, if you send it behind a player, that's like a suicide pass. It's a really bad thing to do. They'd catch it with their foot and knock it to their stick like it was a hand. They just made everybody look better. And that was pretty cool

it was the lesser pros the guys who played juniors or eight i played with a guy who played ahl the year before and uh he would really wow he was one step from the show yeah he played it a hundred percent that guy would just like dipsy doodle embarrass you every opportunity like the nhl guys didn't do that no because they don't have something to prove as i feel like that's that's how i play a ufc fighter like who's an established if you're fighting joe like if i was fighting joe he wouldn't like go out of his way to like hurt me or or demonstrate his dominance he would be like might though oh man you you fucked up here that's why i was able to get this you know

watch that whereas i feel like if i fought an amateur fighter they'd see me as like oh i'm gonna beat the shit out of this dude he doesn't even know like those minor league guys are probably more dangerous in those environments yeah well we played no check so like dangerous isn't the right word but it would they would show off the skill difference. But it was fun. I often tell myself, like, I should get back into it. But here I am, not back into it. You should. You should. I am.

I'm going to. Oh, yeah, me too. I'm joining a league with a few of my friends. I'm not playing goalie, though. They always accost me and are like, yeah, we need you for our, like, whatever the highest league is uh uh to play goalie and i'm like no no i don't want to play goalie anymore it's it's even in silly environments it's still stressful and yeah there is something off about hockey goalies like that i don't know

why i volunteered for that position and like enjoyed it for so many years when at the end of like it didn't enter my head ever as like, you're having shots shot at you like really hard from close where you're like, man, this is like, like this action, this hurts.

Like, I want to say how good the goalie is, is like, I'm making up a number, a quarter of the team's success. Like they're really important. It's a ton. It's the keystone or cornerstone rather the team.

They're more important than any other single position. I think they don't get all the press, you know, yeah, it's the cornerstone of the team. They're more important than any other single position, I think. They don't get all the press. The Blues had a tremendous offseason this year, but we still have our wild card in Jake Allen, knowing how well our goalie's going to do. So who knows? I don't have any faith in that dude. But we picked up an awesome center in Ryan O'Reilly from the Buffalo Sabres.

We got Bozakak another solid depth center probably a 3c from uh maple leafs and then we got patrick maroon this like like bigger dude kind of more bruiser but can also score you know all right uh he's from st louis and so he's worth like you know he's still not worth much but like maybe $4 million a year is what he could get, so not a lot. But he signed here for like $1.7 million. And so we got a pretty great steal on that guy. So I think we're looking to be much, much better this season. I followed Carolina.

We lost our best player. I know your team is Philly, but I watched that. And I really like Jeff Skinner. Like I always, like he's the player on the Canes that I was like, when I thought of the Canes, I would think Rod Brindamore or, you know, in the olden days, or Skinner. And when they traded Skinner, like, I was like, oh. Like, there's a Canes fan on the hockey Reddit, and he's like, yeah,

here's our lineup for this upcoming year without Skinner. And I was like, oh, my God, this is bad. Right. Like, this is going to be – they're going to be terrible. Like, Philly will be all right, though. I think they'll be good as long as Giroux has a season that's similar. Philly got nothing, and the Canes gave away their best player. Look out, Woody's teams.

Yeah, but Philly didn't give away anything good either. They lost Wayne Simmons or they didn't? I don't remember. No, they didn't lose Wayne Simmons. He's still there. It feels like our team is aging. The Philadelphia team, anyway, is aging. Yeah, Giroux and Voracek, those two big point

producers are definitely getting to the older side. The older side being 31, 32. Yeah, even Wayne Simmons. Am I crazy about that? I thought he was 29. I think he's like 29. Yeah.

It's his year. That makes me feel bad now. I know this is probably something everybody who follows sports goes through at my age, but now I'll be like, man, this Patrick Laine kid, kid he's great and he's making xyz amount of money a year and i look it up and it's like this kid just turned 20. you're like oh no like i feel 27 is that right yeah i'm 27 you still have like

my attitude right when i was like 17 it's like yeah i'm getting better every year this is amazing when i'm 18 19 like i like i am peak now but somewhere between 19 and 29 you can still argue that you're better every year right that balance of you know whatever you're learning about your sport versus what you still have physically is the peak years i think in a lot of sports happen around 29 at 30 you're like all right so you know probably as good as last year by 31 it's who are you kidding who are you kidding like it doesn't get better and at 45 you're like ah yeah i am experiencing why there are no 45-year-old professional athletes that I can name. I think it's different on the sports, though, right?

There are some sports, like let's include professional gaming in these because I think – well, I don't think it's necessarily a sport. It does lean on a lot of the abilities that sports lean on. So I think the best guys in like cs go are all probably like 19 to 22 or something like that they're probably those really really young guys who are hopped up on adderall and have like the their neurons are just firing a little bit more efficiently than ours are but like with mixed martial arts there's a lot of guys that that really turn it on between 29 and 34 yeah it's like they learn i think they learn the sport it's a very complicated sport uh mixed martial arts so i think that lends itself to a little later success whereas

i'm going to talk outside of my knowledge a little swimming for example not that complicated a sport oh so it's really about what your body can do you know people aren't learning more things about swimming into their 30s and 40s you know they kind of got it figured out um so so yeah and i think with esports i don't think it with esports the hold up is like a lack of reaction time which is what people often talk about i think it's about the burnout that happens you know you throw some fame and success on a young guy, but the key to keeping it is to sit in a dark room, depressingly practicing those skills eight, ten hours a day like it was a job. It just seems like so many pro-e athletes lose it because, you know,

they just don't want to work as hard as they used to on their way up. I don't think that's it i really do think it's uh i really do think they're losing an edge when they get to you know 25 i think that i think they're they're losing something because you know there's guys that maybe started csgo there aren't guys who pick up csgo for the first time when they're 25 or when they're 30 it seems like the people who are really good at those games uh are really really fucking young like almost all the time and i mean not everybody there would be some gamer with work ethic right there'd be a 45 year old guy out there like i fuck that i'm working hard all day every day i got work that work ethic i live in the basement i like it there it's dark

and he would just be good but that doesn't happen happen because... Well, that's too old. I'm saying they're not losing it at 30 or 25 or something. Because they peak at, what, 21 maybe? I don't know. Maybe they peak at fucking 17. I don't know. Depends on what we're talking about peaking. If it's some sort of brain chemistry thing, then maybe a younger brain is just inherently better once it's fully developed.

I'm at most success in the game, right? I can't even name the top esports guys no but when i could and we like we were talking about cod of four years ago or something like that those guys were 1920 a lot of them yeah and and when i think about the guys that would like fall off and not be as good as they used to i think it's because it's very hard to get along with your teammates right it's a frustrating environment so there's always little inner team conflicts and uh and people just hard to grind it's hard to grind that much be that good yeah maybe so i got killed by shroud the other day oh did you yeah yeah i uh i was like why are there so many people

here like i landed in an area in the map there's two ways to play in the game like when we play as a squad we'll often fly the the plane goes on a direct route and you jump out and you can fly away from it right if you want to kind of be by yourself and and you want to start the game peaceably peacefully and uh but there's also like a hot drop you can drop into one of the really hot areas where lots of people go and you're drop you can drop into one of the really hot areas where lots of people go and you're gonna immediately like drop into a gunfight basically and you know sometimes you do that because you're not playing with friends and like if you're playing by yourself it doesn't matter if you die right right away you can just restart the game i was

doing that and i was like this like 40 of the entire server seems to be landing right here where i'm landing. What the fuck? And I get a gun, and I'm just kind of, like, hiding for a moment. Like, what's going on? There's so many footsteps. I hear so many footsteps, and someone comes in my building. And I'm like, aha, I'm ready for you. And then I die, and it's Shroud.

It was so goddamn fast. It was so goddamn fast. And then I saw someone linked it to me. It was on a highlight video, I guess. Because, like, right after he kills me, he just goes on a goddamn tear. Because he absorbed your power. He absorbed my power. When you land in a less populated area, is there also lousy loot?

Not necessarily. Really? So I could go be by myself and get all level 3 helmeted and decked out? Well, so, you could. Like, nowadays the level 3 helmet's only a special drop, but I know what you're getting at. There are definitely places that you could go to by yourself and get away from everybody

and there'd still be, like, pretty damn good loot there. Places like the military base and Pachinki,inki though are just really concentrated dense areas of lots of spawn drops and you will just end up in a more advantageous position if you're able to loot those areas on your own the problem is you just you won't most of the time it's just going to be a crazy 40 people will land it in one town whereas you could have had like eight houses to yourself in some isolated area, I guess is the way

it often turns out. Normally, a good strategy to win Hunger Games, you can't just hide in the corner of the map all the time because you'll be naked when some other guy who's been absorbing your power is all filled with loot.

Sometimes that's the case and because it is a first-person shooter, sometimes the guy who's been... There are literally people who win the game without ever shooting. They'll just crawl and sneak with no clothes on through the grass throughout the entire game while everybody else is killing everybody else off.

That sounds kind of fun, actually. Yeah. Have you ever tried that approach? Just seeing if you could do it? No, no. Why not? Just give it a go one game and see if you make it. I guess we could.

But it's like a 20... If you were to make it to the end that way, the end game is usually about 20 to 30 minutes. But how would you win? How would the other guy die? I've seen it happen where the zone kills the final guy. Because he's so confused that there's no opponent, he's, like, being slow about getting into the final zone.

They've changed how fast final zones move at this point, so maybe that doesn't happen as much. But I've definitely seen people win with just a pan or, you know, go the whole game and then kill just the final guy or drive the final guy over with a car or something like that. People have won in every conceivable way. Like, I've seen a a lot of the bigger streamers it's a big deal to win a game but for the most part like when we play squads uh we'll win between two and five games a night after playing for a few hours and in squads but i've seen people jump and do like 360 no scopes on the final guy and and do all kinds of really risky stuff where if they mess it up, they'll die.

You know what I re-watched recently? That RatClan.com video. Do you know the one? Mm-mm. Oh. I would show it to you guys, but it's like six or seven minutes long. But basically, they're playing game battles.

It's domination on Black Ops 1, I think. And they get way behind. They're losing like 197 to 140 or something. And they come back and they win. And it is incredible. And just like they take it in theater mode and just show you like all the different action that happened. They set it to music so it gets hype.

And you're just like, oh oh it's so hopeless as the helicopters are up and then all of a sudden it's like all points captured and whatever the language is for it it's just i'm tingling right now thinking about that is the best black house one video that was made you know it was the best ever yeah that's one of the things i like about pub g in a lot of ways like you can be super disadvantaged and then then pull a victory from the jaws of defeat. Me and Little Mitt were playing the other day. It's so good. Some duos.

And Little Mitt's just the best in the world. And I down a guy, right? He's crawling away. And I reload and I wound the second guy. But that guy knocks me out. I'm crawling. And I'm, Little Mitt! Come to me, Little Mitt, save me. And he's like, I don't have a gun.

I don't have a gun. So I start shedding my weapon so he can take it off the ground next to me. But before he can get my gun and load it, the bad guy shows up and starts shooting at Little Mitt. And I'm crawling on the ground watching Little Mitt jump around and punch this guy in the face and beat him to death with his bare hands. And I'm crawling on the ground just cheering, just like, yes! Yes, Little Mitt, you did it!

That was one of the, I got pretty pumped for that. That was great, because like, I'm watching it happen. I'm like, ah, here's where we die. I've seen this a hundred times. One guy has a gun and one guy does not have a gun. And Little Mitt just started beating him to death. He's been working out.

He's been working out. Big Mitt. Big Mitt. Right? Big Mitt. I did a survey on Twitter last night

and I said, your child spills a perfectly good glass of milk. Do you, A, beat with stiletto heels, B, beat with an ice scraper, or C, loudly fuck so the children can eat it? Jesus Christ. And we got a couple thousand responses, folks. I'm going to guess stiletto one because that's the most famous option. All of the above. I didn't include all of the above. I wanted to force the segmentation between these three options.

Now, beat with stiletto heels and beat with ice scraper both tied at 22% of the 1,600 or 1,700 responses. 56% said loudly fuck so the children can hear oh god i bet that happened more often right little passive aggressive fucking oh yeah you'll disrespect me i'm about to go get plowed by your dad how you like that it really is an all you all of above kind of scenario though taylor because what you don't understand is a good child beating really puts Mrs. Woodworth in the mood. Oh, God, I'm getting hot. Honey! Man, I broke a glass.

Did I tell this story already? I broke a glass in the kitchen. I did? Did I just tell it? No, I want it. I want this. I'm thirsting for this. This was like two and a half weeks ago. And I'm barefoot. So, like, and a half weeks ago and uh i'm barefoot so like it's a problem right it's it's fallen and it's scattered in a hundred different directions it's not like it's two pieces so i call in jackie and whatever it's the division of labor at our house she's the kind of person that would clean up broken glass on a kitchen floor

so anyway she comes in and without thinking about it, I positioned like the kitchen island between me and Jackie. And I'm like, you know, I, I broke this. I didn't mean it. I knocked it over. It was me, but like, can you help me? And she's like, yeah. And she's cleaning it up. And I'm just like, like I said, we've got this big kitchen island with like a granite top and i'm standing and i'm kidding and as she moves around i'm moving around like to make sure that she can't get to me and she's like this is okay you know like you don't have to like you're hiding from me and i'm like i am hiding from you she's like you're so scarred over this like this is not a big deal like it it's okay i'm not even mad and i'm like what a relief like you i don't know i just i had like some dark

shit hey that's like that's that's really funny but it's also like genuinely sad yeah like and it's funny parents beat a fear of little minutiae broke a glass like jesus i literally hid from from her right i mean i like jackie a lot but i could fuck her up and and yeah it's true to this day and it made me think of like uh like i guess i'm just saying that some of this boogie often talks about his rough childhood and the impact that it had on him today and i often am like you know i had a rough childhood but you know i'm 45 i think he's really close to my age whatever he is he hears a belt snap and he just devours three twinkies and but i'm usually like dude like we are way too old to blame our parents for our current behavior yet there i was hiding over a broken glass

two and a half weeks ago. That's so scarring. I wonder what your... You really need to sit down with a therapist. I would pay... We always talk about the money we would pay to watch the Wings of Redemption reality show where a professional reality show

production team comes in and they stir up the drama, they film all the angles, they get all the characters the characters established etc i'd pay so much more money for like a dr phil special with you and your and your parents and your brother like like like and jackie jackie's gotta be there like like like i want i want that group of people uh and dr phil i i would pay so much more for that i feel like that's where the real drama would get stirred up yeah i've never talked about the darkest shit i mean it's not to share i've told i mean you gotta well first of all we're gonna jump back to this i can't we need the dark stuff but you know in addition to being you Hutchinson, attorney at law, I'm also Dr. David Greenblatt of Greenblatt Psychology.

So if you ever need to unload about anything, I'm here. So what seems to be bothering you? No, I don't want to go there. I don't want to go there. I leak it at my own pace. What's the darkest you can go you've probably gone there before yeah probably i've told the the stuff that i'm willing to talk about uh well yeah that's that's really sad yeah that that you got fucked up so hard i don't know

i'm all right just you know a little little flashbacks here and there, right? Like a non-veteran, but mostly fine, working my way through life. Would you know if you weren't, though? Like maybe you think that like some of the feelings that you get or the response, the emotional responses that you have about any number of things, you think of them as natural and normal responses. But what if they're very out there for the average person like i feel like this like like like like yeah you can't know how consistent your response inside is to stimuli compared to other people who maybe didn't go through that trauma is that what you're saying kyle like yeah you think you're processing something normally but your only frame of reference is the fucked

up frame like like if i smashed like a gallon of milk in front of both my parents like i would have no fear that's a little one um that's you know um i i don't know i i feel like maybe when i taped my brother up and put him in a wagon and pushed him down a hill while my dad screamed from behind me, Taylor, don't you push him down that hill! I had fear in my heart. But I also deserved that reprimanding. Reprimanding? No, I got spanked.

But it was always like a structured, this hurts me more than it hurts you kind of spanking it was never like my mom or dad would freak out and like go into a histrionic fit of them beating me or something it was always like a measured thing they weren't in a rage when they did it they weren't blackout crazy

when they hit you no they were always very reasonable and structured in the way they did it and they were always very reasonable and structured in the way they did it and they were like we got to hit this kid because he's going to turn into a little shithead if we don't so yeah and they were right maybe i don't feel like i ever had to hit my kids the thing is this sounds cruel but i was always able to bring them to tears just by being disappointed in them or talking to them. So that's the only weapon I needed to wield.

Yeah. That and the hammer. Yeah, that and the hammer. It does depend on the kid. You just have that. Dude, that straightens a kid out like a claw hammer. I'll tell you that right now. Some kids are harder than others,

and I think I was harder than most. I know you guys tell me, you're a good kid, all kids are good, but I was not easily harder than most. I know you guys tell me, you're a good kid, all kids are good. I was not easily kept in line. I was a fucking smartass. But if we examine it further, why were you doing these things? These habitual line steps

that were upsetting everyone. Maybe you were looking for attention. Maybe you thought that that was the only way to get the attention of your mother. and the fact that she was beating you was was just the price you had to pay i hear you i don't think it was attention though like i don't think i was thirsting for their attention their attention was negative and they could keep it i i feel like more it was like those were my favorite things to do you know like i i just want to do hood rat shit with my friends that was like yeah you know that's why i snuck out of the house and went drinking in high school that's why i you know play hooky from class and drive the car that's why i play hooky from all

school my parents i don't know why they would do this with a kid like me but they used to go on vacation and just leave me to handle my own business for a week. How old were you when you were left? Okay. Well, that's fine. I want you to say eight so bad. No, no, no. I guess it wasn't eight. But the thing

is, I was a 15-year-old that would not stay in line. You could not leave me alone and expect it. I would just be like, if my parents are on vacation, then clearly I'm on vacation too. This is during the school year. And I would just miss every day of school.

Take a bunch of days off, not go. You know, this is nature versus nurture stuff. Did they beat you that way? Or did they beat you because you were that way? These are good questions. These are good questions. If I hadn't had that one dog that was so mean, I think I might put more on nurture. But I had a dog who was just ferocious and he had nothing but love and support around him.

I think kids can be like that too. You know, I bet Taylor was a little hard to raise sometimes. I didn't mean to talk about him after he left. I just suspect that he was... He seemed like a real piece of shit. I just bet he had a hint of class clown in him.

I liked it when everyone laughed at his funny stuff. This is something that I think everyone experiences differently. It depends on what siblings you have and what the mixture is. You know, as much as like what your environment was. Like three brothers always struck me as like those are going to be athletic, physical, like joking, goofy guys in the end. Because they're always fucking with each other.

They're always fist fighting. goofy guys in the end because they're always fucking with each other they're always fist fighting they're always like like joking around and farting on each other or like putting a frog in in somebody's cereal or something crazy like that because it's you know like because in my scenario like you throw a grasshopper on if i throw a grasshopper to my sister she doesn't oh you got me and then put like a praying mantis in my bed she screams and cries and runs away she's no fun to play this game with right right like if i punch my sister my bed she screams and cries and runs away she's no fun to play this game with right right like if i punch my sister then like she's not gonna we're not gonna learn to box because we did that all throughout our childhood i'm just gonna get the shit kicked

out of me for punching my sister that's what's gonna happen but with i don't know i feel like you had you had one brother he had two fucking brothers and i i had none i can't imagine what it would have been like with with two other brothers i think they're both younger than him yeah he's the oldest beat the shit out of them throughout his entire life he had a little dude to bully yeah that's true i uh yeah with my older brother it i always felt a little bully like he didn't seem to be on my team so much when we were young. He's much better as an adult. And my counter to it would usually be to try harder.

If he's picking on me a little bit, I'm going at 100% in an effort to just try to keep up because he's two years older. years older yeah taylor we were talking about your upbringing and how like with that that a lot of your personality is is probably as much due to the fact that you had two younger brothers as it was to like how your parents raised you perhaps because i feel like like having two brothers like you end up being in like a jokey like silly picking on each other and having a good time and also like fighting and competing in sports and physical stuff constantly and from your point of view as like the older older brother like there wasn't a point in your in your adolescence where you didn't have a little version of you to beat the shit out of yeah that's true but i also not once ever did i ever hit one of my younger brothers like i never i never pushed them down the stairs. I never punched

them. I never kicked them. You rolled them down a hill. In a wagon. Like, he was in a wagon. I didn't push him down. And the reason I bring that one up is because it's the funniest and most outrageous of those things. Because I can still remember holding

one arm on that play school wagon thing that moms would drag with their kid back there as they're going on their little walk. I still remember holding one arm on that play school wagon thing that like you know moms would like drag with their kid back there as they're going on their little walk i still remember holding that and i can still in my head if i close my eyes i can see my dad standing up there past the retaining wall too far away to stop me and say taylor don't you put your brother down that hill and i just went and just let go it's funny like but other than that like like i did not pick on like i would i would like enforce things and do stuff like this is what we're gonna watch for tv like yeah this is what we're gonna do uh what are we doing right now no we're not gonna go outside we're gonna play hockey in the basement or we're gonna whatever we're gonna do

but like the actual hitting and stuff i never did that i was at a friend's house once when i was fucking 18 18 at a friend's house and two of my friends were there uh it was my buddy who was in my grade who was my age and then his younger brother who was in a grade two two below ours but we were friends with him too and we were playing, what was it? Oh, yeah. One of them was sitting on their PC downstairs and had his headphones on trying to play, the younger one. And I was sitting next to the older one on the TV playing Halo.

And we were playing Halo. And he had the volume up really, really loud, like, oh, it was really loud. Like, oh! It was really loud. And the younger one kept taking his headphones off. And was like, I can't even hear my game with how loud you're playing the Halo music. And my buddy's like, well, I was playing with Taylor down here first. So you can go play somewhere else.

I can't move it. It's a desktop. And it went from that so quickly to like, all right, Taylor, you a bit he like goes over pushes his brother on the chair and like i expected it to be the way i engage with my brothers where it's like hey just stop your shit you know not not anything that he stands up and goes oh the ghost for like an immediate punch and by the way my friend responded with a perry he had been there before and so then i watched and like it was like about to be dinner time and we were going to go up and spend time like eat dinner with his family who are cooking for us and i'm like guys stop stop stop fighting and his dad comes down like as the fight is

beginning his dad doesn't know he can't hear he just hears scuffling and whatnot he doesn't know and he's like his dad has the deepest voice of any adult man i've ever heard in my life he's like boys dinner and i'm like all right time for dinner guys that means uh peace treaty until afterward and so then my buddy pushes the other one down on this hard slate tile and it starts to run up the stairs so i and so i like wait for him to run past me and the younger one stands up and runs like a fucking jackal just leaping like that guy across the fucking trampolines earlier and he grabs onto his leg at near like the middle of the stairs and yanks it hard to where the other guy my buddy

slipped and did that thing where you like bang your body on the stairs and just boom hit the stairs so hard at this point the dad has heard and the mother and mom's going honey don't don't yell at him we're about to have dinner it's like boys up here now scariest voice i'm like i don't even i don't even live here and i'm like frightened and they had a boxing match like fighting each other wrestling hitting hard like a couple punches to the nuts heard like can't hit the nuts don't hit me in the nuts faggot like like really offensive yelling shit and i and the dad is at the top of the stairs they are brawling in the middle of the stairs and i'm standing on a lower step wanting to go to dinner and i'm trying i was trying to like i was like my frame of mind was like oh they're gonna get ripped a fucking new one for this but within

like three minutes like it was over just the fighting had got out of their system and then it was just eating dinner and it was just a weird dynamic because i never had that like my dad never had to come and pull me off my brother because i was beating him up well he didn't either he just yelled it effectively he yelled that effectively but he put the fear of god in them. They slowed down. Okay. Fewer punches than would have been thrown. Did you guys ever do – do you have any stories like that where you went to a friend's house when you were younger and you realized that the, I guess, archetype or framework of their family worked totally different than yours? Yeah.

Yeah. I went to two brothers' house, and one of the brothers is my age, and the other is maybe a year, two years younger. And we were like 14 or 15, and so of course he's 13 or 14 or something like that. And we're down in the basement playing, and he had all kinds of cool shit in the basement. Their dad had divorced the mom, and he was paying like – he must have been really pumping a lot of money into that household because a lot of it seemed to be going to toys and games. lot of money into that household because a lot of it seemed to be going to toys and games because like the entire basement was like it was the air hockey table and a pool table and a um a table tennis table and then just toys scattered everywhere on the floor and i was barefooted and i was just marveling at all the toys i i didn't have nearly this many toys and then i start noticing that

they're like putting masks on and like getting swords out like i don't think anything of it and then i hear i hear the lights turn off it goes and it goes it's now i realize we're in a basement that's right just because there's carpet on the walls and sheetrock sheet rock on the walls and carpets on the floor doesn't mean that this isn't a subterranean room where no one can hear me scream and then i hear a little skittering they've both armed themselves and put on armor and apparently this is a game they play where they turn off the lights and have sword battles wearing jason masks with fucking karate swords and they're running past me occasionally whacking me like in the back of the knees with a sword and i keep trying to like lurch toward them but they've got armor and swords and like I think they

were gonna kill me down there to their to their mom came the top of the stairs and said it was chicken nugget time jeez my parents they didn't even give you weapons so you could play oh no that he that was part of the best part for them was that they'd normally been facing off against each other in their armor and and here i was on a newcomer i didn't know anything about the uh the arms race that took place at the at the fifth toll of the bell yeah they both seem to know exactly what was up though they both had one had a jason mask on and one of them had like this big hard plastic spider-man mask that that clamped onto your head. And they both had plastic katanas that hurt like a motherfucker.

That sounds like fun, though. Yeah, I bet they had a great time. Actually, no. I thought of another way. I injured my brother. That was the worst way I injured him. It was totally on accident. So we were in our unfinished basement with obviously concrete floor and we had a little tv you know boob tube glass screen kind of old tv this is probably like 1998 or around there in 98 99 and we were both playing this wrestling game it's like wwf or whatever it was called at the time game and it was like every character had like special moves

like a special finishing move where he like grabs you by both your thighs and like slams you into the ground really good or this guy will like Bowser you with his with an ankle and throw you around and it was fun And so after we were playing that before dinner one night, we're like, let's play. Let's play wrestling like yeah Should we play on the carpet? No no let's play it on the concrete you know the way the they do in this game like it's hardcore and we didn't have that conversation but we decided to do on the concrete because we were dumb children and i was like an enormous eight-year-old like i i was a big fucking kid like not just tall but like wide like a wide broad big kid and my brother my younger brother was the opposite he was smaller

for his age and so it was a big difference like not that much in age but quite a bit in size and so we started like wrestling like doing the moves and like practicing and all that and i don't remember what the move was i think it was the one where you like grab somebody around their waist and like lift him up and like smash him down i don't think i got it all the way right because i was a kid so it basically ended up in me tackling him and him you know coming off the ground a little bit and then falling back and smashing his head on uh on the concrete and immediately based on the sound that i heard i was like this is no longer playing like this this has gone awry and so my brother starts crying i do what all eight or nine year olds or however old i was do and i was like sure sure sure be quiet you want

us both to go down no you have to convince him that like we're both in this together instead of me getting yelled at and this is this is actually right after dinner and uh after him laying there for a bit like acting confused and befuddled i like ran to this the. We were in our basement. I yelled up, Mom! I didn't yell Dad for good reason. Mom! Come downstairs! My dad heard, obviously, the panic in my voice, and they both come down, and they start talking to my brother. They're like, what did you do? I'm like, we were playing

wrestling. He's like, on the concrete? You're playing wrestling on the concrete, and you threw your brother into the ground? I'm like, I was playing. And they asked him, they're like, what did we have for dinner? They're like, what's your name? He answered all the base ones like, what did we have for dinner? Like something recent. What did we have for dinner?

We had just eaten spaghetti 25 minutes ago. And he was like, I don't know. I can't remember what we had for dinner. And my dad gave me a look of like... He broke the most precious thing he has on earth. Like one of the kids. I can't remember dinner, Taylor. Yeah.

You come in. Get in the car. We're going to the hospital. And so that was the most scared few hours I've ever spent in my life, sitting in a room like... Justice is about to come around. And so that was the most scared few hours I've ever spent in my life, sitting in a room like, Gah! Justice is about to come around. Yeah, that was terrible.

I felt really bad, but I felt worse thinking I was going to get punished. All I got was spanked, so it panned out. She's better than your brother. We didn't play wrestling anymore. And that was the first of as many concussions. Taylor asked about a family dynamic that was different. Like my parents, for all their flaws, I always knew they liked each other, right?

Like that wasn't something I had to worry about. But my best friend when I was young, I was like nine or 10 or something, his parents didn't seem to like each other. And that was a thing that I had to witness like repeatedly. They would get into these screaming matches, oftentimes about things my friends and I did. And they would throw into these screaming matches oftentimes about things my friends and i did and and they would throw things at each other like plates and teacups and like i

remember a spatula was a frequent thing that they toss around the dad was a drunk and he worked in a bar and that would often be a problem he'd get drunk combo yeah and he'd get really mad he ran over another one of my friends bikes bikes. And we came out. We all had our bikes parked there. Apparently, he saw the bike behind his car, got pissed off, and figured, fuck it. I'm driving right over this bicycle. And it was mangled to hell. But we were stupid, and we were kids, and we're like, how did this happen?

We're guessing like ghouls and goblins and shit like that like we don't know what did this to the bike ghouls and demons that was our first guess but um like when we talked to our parents about it they could see the score in a way that we as kids couldn't and they're like oh that fucking drunk guy ran over a bike and and you know what as an adult like if you so much as knock a bike over that's when you become aware that you hit something right you know yeah you don't you don't get like completely over the bike with both sets of tires and out the front of the car going backwards in a state of like smells like gas yeah yeah so uh i sometimes wonder like how

how they worked out you know how did this kid grow up i know he went to college i ended up having a friend that knew him or something but uh i bet he doesn't hide from his wife he might why would you think he doesn't right why would you think he doesn't i bet he does i bet we have that in common i don't know yeah his parents used to they gave out some whoopings my parents didn't want me in front of the neighbors or anything i i mentioned i had a friend uh another friend too we got real close with i found him on facebook not long ago and uh i was talking to him about paramotoring and stuff and he's like yeah you always did have a a wild side in you like you were always wanting to like sneak out at night and jump on passing railroad cars and

stuff like that like when i was little and um anything to get away and he all but he had no idea that my parents like were like they were like that was uh it was very hidden from the world well that's all that's what they always say about those people you know you seem like a normal guy yeah up until something yeah i just linked uh an interesting little link for you guys. Oh, God. It's a 2018 symposium expanding the focus of research on maps. Now, if you think a map is something that would help you find your destination in olden times or something that's interesting to look at on the Internet,

then you would be wrong, because these are not maps. These are minor attracted people and this is occurring on september 22nd 2018 it's a full day thing in baltimore maryland and it's a bunch of minor attracted people getting together and talking about issues and important things for the minor attracted people community you know things to make sure if you haven't picked up by now minor attracted person means pedophile. It's like a nice little marketing touch added. So, how do you guys think

about this? Do you think that there should be minor attracted people conferences? You know, like a free speech thing? Anyone can do it? Like, what are you thinking? Go ahead. You go first. Alright, so... I...

And let me say real quick, like, one of their roundtable discussions is constructing a brief intervention to reduce stigma towards minor attracted persons. That's got me. Go ahead. Yeah. We've talked about this before, how, like, when you really think about it, pedophilia has to be an affliction that that someone has that not not an interest okay it's not like like i could tell if suddenly you outlawed a passion for uh like like chevrolet sports cars i'd drive forward the rest of my life and i'd never look at another chevrolet sports car if they made that what pedophilia is but because that's just an interest I have it's not a like it's not something I'm afflicted with some like some some some core

piece of me so you think this is like part of their sexual identity they just I I do attracted to children I think that they I think that just like someone who is uh who is gay just isn't interested in in in women they're interested in men I think that someone who is gay just isn't interested in women. They're interested in men. I think that someone who is just 100% straight, and perhaps both of those things are very rare because obviously there's a spectrum of where you fall into that whole thing.

But I think that these people who are attracted to children are afflicted in that way, and they can't just turn it off. They can't just be like, well, apparently that's not what's in. I'm going to be into something else. I don't think they can do that because

pedophiles are the worst thing, I think most people agree that you can do. If you're in prison, there's plenty of murderers. There's plenty of rapists, even. They fit right in. Name one thing worse than a pedophile. A cop.

If you're in prison, you don't want to be a cop, you don't want to be a pedophile. Everybody else is probably going to be able to get along together, more or less. The pedophile is the guy who ends up, they find him with his victim's name carved into his skull and his balls in his mouth. That's a true story. That happened to a guy recently. So I don't like this, though, because as much as I believe they are afflicted with it, because what they're afflicted with is

a compulsion to take advantage of the most vulnerable people in our society, our children, sexually, in a way that a thing that really scars them for life, we've found, and often makes them into pedophiles themselves inevitably in many many cases

a lot of pedophiles were molested as kids I don't think you can handle that with kid gloves I think you've got to be like no you can't be as accepting as you might be with someone who's attracted who's a furry or some other thing that you just don't understand it but hey that's just the way they are. It's not hurting

me. This is the instance where it is hurting me. So I think that, no, it's not a good idea for them to probably have their own groups, to be banding together. I noticed that it's $80 to register and $40 for your family.

Are people bringing their kids to this thing? Can we go get him? No, no, no. You can't come to this one. No, he definitely can. Yeah, when I first read, we're going to talk about our therapeutic needs and barriers to help seeking,

I thought, oh, they're trying to... That's where I was. They're trying to deal with their problem. Some people are prone to alcoholism, right? Some people are just more inclined to dive into that head first and run into trouble. And to not be able to quit. Right.

But that's not where they are. They're not trying to quit. When they talk about changing the dialogue, improving access to competent clinical services best suited to help mats in their unique mental health needs and counseling goals. I don't know.

It just seemed like they're reducing stigma. Maybe they are trying to stop getting kids. And I just read it incorrectly. I don't know. I don't think that it is that i i feel like well i mean i think they should have a right to organize and do their shit just like anyone should but there's also the thing of i don't like the remarketing can like we don't allow like the the rapists of america to to to head on down to the ramada i don't think well that's true but they're

like ostensibly these people are talking about it, not doing it at the conference. But I mean, if you saw a pedophilia spike in Baltimore on the 22nd, that might explain it. But like, I was split on this one, because it's like, I want to say fuck you, no, you can't have this degeneracy, this disgusting behavior,

this promulgation of something that's terrible and damaging to children, especially if you're doing it in a way where you're remarketing it where you're intentionally changing the definition of what or the the term rather for what you are in order to that's the future that's what's coming oh yeah you're just a minor attracted person you're not a pedophile it's like no you're a fucking pedophile like but does being a minor attracted person help them get counseling, right? Is pedophile an obstacle to them not being a pedophile anymore? No. And the reason I say that is because this isn't a thing that is commonplace enough that if they went to a psychiatrist or psychologist and said, I'm an MAP, that the psychologist

or professional would go, oh, a minor attracted person. Like, that's why it's an outgoing marketing PR effort to improve their perception of, oh, we're MAPs, not we're pedophiles. I think their goal is to get tagged onto the end of LGBTQ. LGBTQM.

That's the final goal that they want. And it's really fucked up because I do believe that. I think that pedophiles are trying to make the case that they want and and it's really fucked up that that because i do believe that i think that people that pedophiles are trying to to make the case that they belong within that that that acronym of individuals and there are some out there like that there definitely are and it's fucked up because like the hard right conservatives that's the kind of like shit that they usually that they often spew up whenever you talk about

gay marriage. They'll be like, oh, next you'll be allowing people to marry dogs. And they start comparing homosexuality to bestiality and pedophilia, which is fucked up. But then you see the pedophiles being like, oh yeah, we're just like them. Yeah, yeah, we're just like them. You're getting it from both sides. Yeah, it's really not a good sign for our culture and society that this is a movement that's trying to gain mainstream attention and acceptance.

Who knows if they'll get picked up. If they add this to the end of the LGBT, however many more things there are. I feel like everybody, left and right, is going to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get to put pedophiles in here. Or am I wrong?

LGBTQ plus. Plus? I'll look it up. I'm waiting for it to come back come something that's always confused me is like if there's a b in there that's bisexual oh my god how can there be more than two genders lgbtq plus is short for lgbtqqqiaa wait wait go through what they all stand for we know lesbian lesbian gay bisexual trans gender transsexual two-spirit queer questioning intersex asexual ally pansexual agender gender queer

bigender gender variant pangender no the last 10 of those were just mental illnesses what is what is a pangender person um this is gonna take some more googling maybe urban dictionary oh pangender person? This is going to take some more Googling. Maybe Urban Dictionary. Oh, pangender is a non-binary gender defined as being more than one gender. A pangender person. Pangender is in the acronym and before it is bisexual. I'm attracted to both genders. A pangender considers themselves a member of all genders.

And by you saying both genders, A pan-gender considers themselves a member of all genders. And by you saying both genders, fuck you, Taylor. They imply it in their name. And you're two-gender. You know, they got to get rid of B then. Sorry, you got to get rid of B. That's bisexual. Yeah, that means they're attracted to both. Both genders.

It's not omnisexual where you're attracted to men and women and maniacs. Sexes and genders are wildly different, right? There may be two sexes, but there are dozens and dozens of genders with more being discovered all the time. We need a new fucking proof. Now you'll see here, we're about to discover a new gender. We're at a Starbucks in Berkeley, California, and you can see a wild, whale-gendered woman sitting in the corner. Woman, cat, say woman. Fuck.

Okay. A thing. Entity. A pan-gender is a third kind of gender, much like bi-genders, tri-genders, and gender queers. Oh, fuck off. So it's like you didn't get enough attention as a kid, and you don't have any skills that are developed, and so now you have to make what you're interested in the crux of your i try to be kind and even understand what these things mean so i'm like pan gender oh that's just a variant of bisexual because i understand

bisexual like that i get right so if you like everything then you're bi to me i'm trying to be trying to be on board here. No, no, no. That's considered that everything would be encompassed by only two things, right? But there are so many things. You have to be... But I'm only aware of two, really.

Kyle, there are men, there are women. You take the list from here. Well, I mean... Like a furry a furry right go easy on yourself like like just name like five other but i do understand that the tree can the tree is that a gender is that like ents um both it actually took me a while to understand the idea of more genders if that makes any sense like i was like i don't even get how there could possibly be more than more genders, if that makes any sense. Like, I was like, I don't even get how there could possibly be more than two genders. And they're like, oh, no, no, no, you're thinking of two sexes. With gender, that somehow has meant something other than sex now. And you can

identify or feel like all sorts of less hardcore. But it doesn't actually, though. Like, when you start asking people about that, it gets into ethereal nonsense where it's like well i identify as this it's like well you can identify as whatever you want it doesn't make it reality like i looked at either male or female but have you considered taylor that one in ten thousand children is born with a rare chromosomal disorder or something it's like well yeah it's called an illness i looked up what gender means like just you know hey let's let's get it the state of being male or female oh well fuck there we are trying that's the the pernicious thing about some of these people is that they'll try and change definition of words and then backwards engineer

their own ideology into the new uh definition they've made and it it's very underhanded so i i just don't get the kind of person who would be pan gender like what is that like is it just a bisexual person who wants to feel more unique than a bisexual person i can understand there are people who are maybe born guys but feel like they should have been born women right like like that's a that's the trans one the t yeah the transgender not the transsexual i think you're right right so but like it's not me but i can grasp how that is a thing right i i view it in the same way as like those poor people who feel like they should be amputees but they're fine but they just have a deep desire to cut their arm off mental illness i am and i feel the same but i like i don't want to be mean about it.

I just wish they didn't have this problem. You know, a guy who really wishes they didn't have their right hand is to be very similar to a guy who really wishes he didn't have his dick. Like, ah, that sucks for you. I wish that you got what you ordered. Right? Yeah. I'm on your side with this, Woody.

Yeah. So I can get... I can understand what that is. I'm the good one. Oh, what that is i'm the good one oh yes you are always the good one so i could get how a per i can understand what a person who's you know not lining up with their own sex i i get that and then you combine that with someone who likes people who line up with any sex and and now I have pan-gender. They're bi, and they're...

Maybe they change how they feel. Today they feel like a woman, tomorrow they don't. That's maybe pan-gendered and pan-sexualed. Simultaneously. Even then, if one day you feel like a man, and the next day

you feel like a woman, that next day you feel like a woman that's two things that's bi it's not one day i feel like a woman one day i feel like a man one day i feel like a what would the other thing be yeah an attack helicopter yeah i feel like a sea dew i feel like a you know a paramotor i feel like like a nice slice of cherry cheesecake. I don't understand it. It just seems silly. They're making their acronym way too long. Nobody's going to remember LGBTQ TTT.

I feel like there's a lot of us who aren't ingrained in this very fluid culture around it. like this you've made it too complicated for me to understand and not that the world revolves around me but there's so many of me that like let's keep it within like a sanity range right you know can you i get that you're bi or gay or straight those things all make sense to me I get that you feel like a guy or a girl. Those things make sense to me.

But when you hit all the other marks, you really lost me. Yeah, you come off as... It's just illogical. It doesn't make sense. Kyle, I know you have to get to something. How is pangender different than intersex? Well, these things are very complicated, and not everyone's going to be able to pick up on them. I've got a product that might assist you with that.

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The Simpsons and Futurama, comes an epic new animated adventure, Disenchantment. Groening's first new show in nearly 20 years, Disenchantment takes place in a medieval fantasy world, the crumbling medieval kingdom of Dreamland. Dreamland is a complex universe offering endless characters, stories, and laughs from the king of animation.

Follow the misadventures of hard-drinking young princess Bean, her feisty elf companion Elfro, and her personal demon, Lucy, who meet and go on adventures together. This series is about life and death, good and evil, and it's about what it means to be truly happy in a world full of suffering and idiots, and how to find your own path in life, despite what the elders and the wizards and those other jerks have to tell you.

Watch Disenchantment, season one, August 17th, only on Netflix. I look forward to that. Yeah, I'm definitely going to check it out. Netflix does good stuff. Kyle turned his lights on. Matt Groening, however you say his name i like him a lot yeah he tends to be hitting winners consistently you know the other uh cartoon show that i like a lot that isn't available anywhere on these like streaming services king of the hill like i don't see it anywhere on these streaming services.

You gotta pay for that shit. That's not that good. I own all of King of the Hill that there is to own. Really? Yes, absolutely. Amazon. I think that the seasons get progressively more expensive. It seems like the first season was like $3

for the whole fucking season. I was like, sure, I'll own... At this rate rate i'm in for like 30 bucks and i got it all and then by like season like i don't know nine or ten or something it was like 15 or 20 a season they it kept were there more episodes to make it make sense i don't think so there were a lot of episodes all the way through i like king of the hill it's Hill. I watched it the first time as it was coming out, so I was like an early teenager. But now that I am a man grown, I get so many of the jokes that maybe I didn't get before.

I see why certain things are funny. It's a great show. It's got a lot of guest stars in it. I don't know if Bernie Mac was in an episode I watched the other day. He comes to repair Hank's water heater or something, and Lady Bird's racist, they think. So she's trying to get Bernie Mac and attack him,

but really she just doesn't want anybody working on Hank's water heater but him. But the whole relationship with Bill is just hilarious. Remember how sad Bill Dautreve is? There's a Christmas where he starts remembering his wife Lorraine or whatever like leaving

and uh and he and so he gets uh a come like a big lizard like a big like curly-tailed lizard he puts on his shoulder and he names it lorraine and he's talking to lorraine he brings it to christmas dinner at hank's house and then he he he hank like blows up he's like it's a damn lizard it's not your wife get it out of my house he like snaps and Hank looks out his window he's kicked Bill out of like Christmas dinner so now he's by himself and Bill is on his one-story ranch house committing suicide right he's eight feet off the ground jumping in his doom and he fails at that and and and hank gets over there and he's dressed as lorraine at this point he's wearing the dress now so to like you know get his friend back hank has to put on a dress of his own and be like no i am lorraine i don't love you anymore it's over

if i loved you i would have at least left a note when i left and it's just like all of these like mean awful things that l Lorraine did to Bill. She just ruined his life. That's the thing about King of the Hill. It's like, similar to Futurama, but even more so. Every once in a while, they'll have an episode that's genuinely sad.

Yeah. But, yeah, it's a good show. Fucking Futurama, the saddest episode of that. The dog one. The dog one. Woody, do you know what we're talking about i've probably seen it but it's been forever basically they play like i will wait for you at the end and you're like i i will watch that and like i will have tears like welling in my eyes by the end of it where i'm like

oh yeah this fucking dog and i'll be like mad about it like you don't have the right to make me feel this way there's a couple super sad ones Fry turned into like a narwhal at one point or a pirate and just waiting for Leela like forever it's been ages since I watched this that's kind of what happens

in the puppy one it's like it's just tied on the sidewalk for like and they show enormous amounts of time till the puppy like becomes an old dog and dies just waiting on friday to return yeah but what you're describing almost you ever see the movie i think steven spielberg made it it's um it's called ai i've seen it like that that hayley jill osmond kid like here's the premise taylor like like this is fucked right it's it's it's like the near future we've perfected humanoid robots mostly and this this this couple um i believe they couldn't have a son i think that was the deal they were incapable of reproduction so they get an

adopto bot right they get this little hayley joel osmond bot to be like their son. And they're raising him as their son. But the bot bonds to them. Like that's an important thing. This bot bonds to the parents in a permanent way. Yeah. But then they get pregnant. They have their own real son.

And then like the real son hates the robot son. And he like frames him for for... I think he... Something happened where the real kid almost drowns. And it gets blamed on the robot kid. So they fucking drive him out into the country. And push him out of the car. And leave him on the side of the road. And Taylor, for the rest of the movie, the kid's trying to get home to his parents.

And you don't really have a good sense of how much time is passing until you realize they've been dead. This kid's been looking for his parents for 50 years or something like that. He never ages. Hundreds or thousands.

At the end... And what's the title of this again? AI. Artificial Intelligence. I think Spielberg made it. It's got a lot of stars in it. I can't think of right now at the moment. But in the end, he gets frozen under the ice or something and then discovered by actual extraterrestrials who are able to give him one more day with his mommy.

And they clone his mother and bring her back for one day and he spends, the robot spends that day with his mother that he's been searching for for like a thousand years now. And it is so goddamn sad. It is so I don't want to watch this. This sounds really sad.

Oh, it's so fucking sad, dude. It's so sad. You feel so sorry for this little kid he ends up in like these robot like fighting world where like the robots fight to the death and there's like oil squirting everywhere and shit it's really harsh like it's it's it's dark it's so sad they put him out they just push him out of the fucking car and leave him out on this dirt road and he's so innocent he's just like mommy yeah oh mommy it makes me want to treat my dogs better and i treat them well but they did his whole life revolves around just pleasing his

parents it's fucked yeah it's it's so fucked uh another one like they came out right about the same time is very similar it's it's bicentennial man and and that one uh woody's terrible acting terrible acting what's his name woody that guy you hate so much robin williams is his name robin williams yeah i remember when he made fun of him when he killed himself oh that's not how it went oh and and made a mockery of all suicide i didn't celebrate his suicide like everybody else did he did a dance i did not do a dance. If I recall correctly, Woody openly applauded. About time

someone had to do it. Ah. You guys like all the show? Yeah. Alright, PKA399. Are there any outros? Yes, there are absolutely outros that need to be read. Support for today's show comes from the most outrageous R-rated comedy of the summer,

The Happy Time Murders. Starring Melissa McCarthy, The Happy Time Murders follow foul-mouthed detective Connie Edwards and her puppet partner, Phil Phillips, as they attempt to find out who's behind a series of puppet murders in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, a world where puppets interact with humans in a very adult way, sometimes shocking and ultimately hilarious way. These puppets are No Sesame All Street,

the Happy Time Murders. Rated R, under 17, not admitted, without a parent. Will be in theaters August 24th. And, of course, from Matt Groening, legendary creator of The Simpsons and Futurama, comes an epic new animated adventure, Disenchantment. Set in a medieval fantasy world called Dreamland, Disenchantment follows the misadventures of a hard-drinking young princess named Bean, her feisty elf companion, Elfo, and her personal demon, Lucy.

Watch Disenchantment Season 1 starting August 17th only on Netflix. And of course, check out our other sponsors, Lumosity and Stitch Fix. Very good. PKA, $3.99.