Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #400

Episode Date: August 23, 2018

On this week's PKA, everyone's favorite lad, Tucker, has returned to grace us for PKA 400 with his comedy chops. Taylor shares his best bible story yet, the story of Samson, which is just bananas then the guys look over some terrible facial transplant photos because it's PKA and we have to go to a dark, disgusting place and we top things off with the Seattle Sky King, aviation mechanic who went for a joy ride in a commercial airliner.

Make it go. Here we are. It's happening. Painkiller already. Episode 400 with our guest Tucker. Kyle? Don't build it up too much. Jesus Christ.

Dollar Shave Club. Oh my God. You were building it up before I started praying. Dollar Shave Club. Casper Mattresses. Smart Mouth. Four Hems. And Monster Energy Espresso.

Those guys later on. Yeah, I get all jacked up on Monster Energy. Got some interesting topics ahead of us. I heard tell there was a goat rape. So buckle up, boys. Stay tuned to that. That's only news in this country. Yes.

But yeah, it's good to have Tucker with us. What's been going on, man? Anything interesting in your little world? No, you know, still doing the same old, same old. And it's been like, what has it been, like four months? I think I was on in April last time. Yeah, something like that. Could be.

Not too much. Just the summertime. Didn't go outside. Did pretty much nothing of note. So here we are. I'll kick it off with the awkward. Last time you were talking about really getting into like starting to pump some iron to like supplement your running routine.

How's that been going? I can still lift about 60 pounds, which is solid. You know, the bar is my enemy. No, I still go to the gym. I just, I can't lift about 60 pounds, which is solid. The bar is my enemy. No, I still go to the gym. I just can't put on weight. I've been trying to eat a calorific. Is that calorific? Caloric?

Works for me. I think it is calorific. Calorific? Calorific surplus. Yeah, I don't know, man. I can't force feed myself 3,000 calories a day. It's hard. I had no idea.

It's hard to be fat. Calorie fixer, real word. Being that fat takes a lot of effort. Yeah, or even just trying to be. 3,500 calories a day? That's what I'm saying. So I had no idea. So mad respect for all the morbidly obese people out there.

Yeah. The real heroes. I wasn't sure where to go with that. Have you ever seen that morbidly obese, like, he was a prince in Saudi Arabia or something? He was high-ranking enough that they didn't execute him for being fat, so he was up there. And they had to

get him out of his home. They had to, like, tear the side of a building down and then bring, like, a giant forklift to go under his bed and scoop him out and then bring him down. And then there wasn't, like, a truck big enough to carry him, so they just, like, drove the forklift to go under his bed and scoop him out and then bring him down. And then there wasn't a truck big enough to carry him. So they just drove the forklift to a commercial-sized

truck and then put him on that. And then people were waving to him in the streets, amazed. Look at how many calories he can afford. My goodness. He's throwing candies to them like it's a parade. He's dead now. I'm sure he is. He was one of those bodies that like you know slow motion when

like they pop the balloon but there's still a little bit of rubber around it like before it fully explodes that was what his physique was similar to yeah people you don't know this but people are watching him i pulled up a video of this guy being like i don't know what to say rescued from a bed and uh he has an oxygen mask on and he's gigantic. There's the forklift. So if you were picturing a regular forklift, start over again, my friends. I was. Yeah, I know.

This is like a massive forklift that they might use to lift trailer homes or something. Have you seen those machines they used to hang Mary the Elephant in, like, 1902, when she accidentally trampled her owner? It's like that. That's the kind of shit they were using on this guy. That's a sad reference. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

I forgot all about them. Remember in 1902 when they murdered that circus elephant? Oh, are you sad about an elephant murdered 116 years ago? Honestly, yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like when the dog dies in the movie and you get all bummed out. But like, Schwarzenegger will blow away 50 people in the first act and you don't really care. The dog dies, though.

Yeah, that's true. There's like an aspect of innocence. They hung the elephant? Oh, yeah. They couldn't think of a better way to do that. They just... Hit it with a train? I don't know. Put explosives under it. It's not like they didn't have like TNT. Who's cleaning that up?

And you know what's sad about it is like, have you ever seen? Of course you've seen. But you know the size of an elephant's neck. Yeah, right. It's like barely even strangling it. It's just holding it there. It died of starvation, you know, three days later. Oh, Mary, you'll live forever.

No, no. I think Edison had this whole thing where like he was all for, I may get it mixed up. I want to say Edison was all for like direct current. I think you're right. Somebody else was for alternating current. Tesla was alternating current. Edison was direct current. Alternating current.

And he was sort of... Tesla was alternating current. Edison was direct current. And Edison was doing these experiments, these public demonstrations to show the dangers of alternating current. And he'd have these elephants stand on these fucking electro pads and he'd just run, I don't know,

a gazillion fucking volts of electricity to them and they just start smoking. It's not like the movies where like Ernest gets scared stupid and like turns into that electric skeleton that's blue and we all laugh that's not what being electrocuted it's like it like steams the liquid in her body while she slowly like fries to death yeah like sizzles and it wasn't like they did and so you tell everyone what you saw with this one elephant he was he had like a 1 p.m. he had a 130 it

was like shows at Epcot like every half hour he was killing had like a 1 p.m he had a 130 he had a two it was like shows at epcot like every half hour he was killing a an elephant so i mean you see all those one elephant burgers at two yes you see all those like uh live league videos of uh people riding on top of the trains and like you know pick and pick a place india where they'll grab onto the supporting wire and like in half a second they're just it's like they just they're ash it's it's crazy pick a place india you know damn well it's india it could be anywhere it could be northern india southern india i don't the possibilities are limited unlimited i know exactly what tucker's talking about though because like you know those indian trains where it's not just a bunch of people on top like they're like hanging off the sides like yeah you know like trapeze artists

like almost like an afro on top of the the train and if they're falling off like i always think what would i do because i see the guy like frantically grasp out for something he grabs the wire and he sizzles himself and like three other people. And I think, ah, what an idiot. But then I think like, what would I do? Like it's instinct. You would grab out and do that. And if you know, you didn't catch yourself within 0.02 seconds,

you'd also be a fried idiot up there who couldn't wait for the next train. You need to be an experienced trained train rider, right? I've never wanted to go anywhere that badly that I would sit on top of a train and just... Especially not from India to somewhere else in India. I used to ride trains as a kid. I've never wanted to go somewhere so badly

that I would sit inside a train. No one here ever jumped on a train? Like a moving train as it went by? No. I used to do that all the time. What were you, a boxcar kid? Why would you do that? Because it was more fun than walking.

You would, yeah. But we would basically be walking someplace, usually like a convenience store. Is 7-Eleven everywhere? Yeah. And yeah, so we would put our ear on the train tracks and hope it was coming. And it wasn't that uncommon for the train to be coming in the same direction we were. And all the cars had ladders on the side. So we couldn't run as fast as the train, but we could run to where the closing speed was manageable.

And we just grabbed the ladder as it went by. And then it was neat because you're running, you're running, you're running. Everything is crazy and chaotic and you can barely like keep up with your tasks saturated. And then you grab the ladder and you pull your feet up and now you're just floating on air like it was so smooth it was so nice so fast even seem quieter you would just and your transportation problems were solved until this time i was getting off yeah uh not graceful um because we knew there was a danger like every so often we'd hear about some kid who lost an arm or even worse, someone who like vandalized your personal property.

Like I know there was a big wheel that was destroyed, a bicycle that was destroyed. They'd put that on the train tracks. So we knew the destructive power of the train. We put pennies on the track and stuff. But so to get off, we would just jump clear. Like we didn't try and run and do it well. We just tried to like sort of get away.

What is it? PLF? Like the parachute landing fall or something like that? You would just do that. Tuck and roll, yeah. Exactly, yeah. There was no option to jump into the water because I feel like that would be the coolest thing. If the train is going over a trestle and you jump free of it into a river or a lake or something like that, that would be cool.

Dude, young Woody would have been all over a scene like that. Like train jumping and bridge jumping were two of my hobbies. If I could have combined them into one, that would have been outstanding. But no, that didn't exist. Well, the old jackass, I think it was Steve-O tried to do a stunt where he was on the, like they were driving on a truck over a bridge over a bridge and he jumped from the train or from the truck into the water but the thing is that you know with how fast you're going it's so hard to judge when you need to jump and where you're going to land with the momentum that carries

you so he almost hit the like retaining wall around the middle of the pylon and would have fucking died but uh yeah yeah a lot of times they have like i don't know what to call it but a retaining wall but usually the spot where the boats go it's real clearly yeah to like block you from hitting it or something yeah exactly like the boats don't just go next to concrete piers there's a little like wooden walls on either side to in case the boat driver's terrible his job so i can see you always roll when you jumped off yeah like or would you ever try to like jump off and sprint on your landing? It would have taken a much better athlete

than me to pull that off. We just went for the roll. When I was 15, my dad bought us a golf cart, and there was a large hill, a road hill street, as people call it. A road hill, sure.

Wow. A downhill street, and what we would do is we would drive down that, i was never the i enjoyed watching the spectacle i like to drive and so you drive down and there'd be like friends watching and you'd get going like quick like 30 miles an hour a little less than 30 quick wait i don't understand how old are you and you're driving yeah i'm 15 on a road in a golf cart oh okay yeah it's a golf cart and so they would be like hanging on to that thing like and i'm right up against the grass on the side of the road and it'd be like i'd be like all right and drew go and he would jump off like he's in you know d-day and then he would start running and

no one ever made it more than like three steps before slam their face and do it oh it was hours of entertainment for me and like lots of trips for my friend's parents to urgent care yeah they're on a road hill as they're called do their faces just smash in the city was near the grass yeah i drove like right on the grass and so they got off and ran on the grass and nobody was fast enough frankly if i had like a really good nfl linebacker he wouldn't have been fast enough nobody can run 30 miles you need a wide i don't know i saw that guy on reddit do it the other day right like they turned the um the treadmill to i want to say it was 27 miles per hour and then the way the way you mount a treadmill say it was 27 miles per hour. The way you mount

a treadmill that's going 27 miles per hour is like its own little maneuver. He does a kick with his foot and then he just jumps on and goes. It's a whole maneuver. His legs are just flying. Just like machines. He can only do it for two seconds

and then he has to pull himself off. He wasn't going a long distance. At himself off. Yeah, he wasn't on there. He wasn't going a long distance. But at 27 miles per hour, he probably covered a good distance, right? You know, it was more impressive than it looked. That's fast as shit. That's like Usain Bolt level sprinting. It was insane. It was so fast, his legs were just kicking.

I want to know how fast the fastest men run. It's a little less than, it's like mid-20s, isn't it? 27.8 is the record. There you go. Ah. Vindicated. So the fastest guy wouldn't have been able to jump off of my golf cart and keep running. No, he wouldn't have.

We started GoFummy to get Usain Bolt, somebody of equal caliber to at least try it out. I feel like I could do it. I just need the right tools fox roller skates yeah fox had this retarded show called like man versus animal oh and it was like it wasn't long it wasn't long after they the the when animals attack videos that sort of run their course they just ran out of vhs video of men being attacked by deer and so they started doing this thing where like who's faster a cheetah or michael johnson professional runner it's like um the the cheetah when we come

back of course they would have human beings face who would win in a fight head to head michael phelps 24 time gold medalist for the united States or a great white shark. Didn't they do that? They did that on Shark Week. That's like a real one. I don't know how they... I didn't see it. How do they repackage it every year? It's the same five things on Shark Week. Watch as this bipedal terrestrial ape

attempts to challenge a 10 million year old perfectly evolved specimen of a shark. Even I'm not on team person with that one. No. I would like it if Michael Phelps walked

up to the pool and just shot it with a harpoon gun or something. And that was the whole segment. Michael Phelps wins. Did you see that

dude punch out the kangaroo? Have you guys seen that? Of course. It's kind of viral. That seems to be real.

Yeah. I doubted it at first. haven't seen this what come on you haven't seen the guy his dog's getting attacked so he like goes up and squares up never mind you don't have to i remember that now that's not a big one though i think we got in this exact fight before kangaroos are can get big i mean uh did you see the video of the moose walking around in canada that was like fucking two times the size of an suv it was the biggest thing i've ever seen it was enormous yeah but like you always assume you know yeah you always think like oh a moose you know probably

like a deer like a slightly larger deer and then you see one and it's like if you hit this in your military grade hummer you'd have to go back to base for repairs. He looks in your second story window. I like that. That's how tall it is. It's weird. Taylor is kangaroo. I just rewatched it and I found it in like HD and stuff.

I don't know. We've seen it in stupid gifts with Conor McGregor, but, um, as you do, it's a pretty legit, uh, like kangaroo i think it it was so shocked that this human being had struck it that seems to be the key if you watch people are watching it now

he punches the kangaroo of the dog but wait a couple seconds later the kangaroo like just looks at him look how strong this kangaroo is as he's telling the dogs to leave the kangaroo is just like he's like he's just he's just standing up like hey what the yeah and i'll agree he's not like like arnold schwarzeroo or whatever but he's a legit kangaroo he seems grown he's just not an outlier kangaroo. I know that the dog and the kangaroo are just not at ease here, but how gentle the kangaroo is just holding on to the dog is creepy. He explained that kangaroos will strangle the dogs. Oh. Well, not this man's dogs.

Kangaroo's shocked. He's like, I can't believe you'd do that. I knew that was real when it happened, because immediately people started giving the guy shit for punching a kangaroo yeah not not i i uh i'm on team dude with this one he did the right thing what that looks like is like when you see those videos of big boisterous drunk women talking shit in a club and someone's not taking it and they give them a smack and immediately like the realization sets in if like oh i'm a person i'm i'm vulnerable yeah and they back off that respect for that guy i like how he squared up and then he did like he did a little shoulder thing like he like went up

like that like he was about to get jiggy with it that was great totally fought some people in real life before he's not a fighter though like did you watch? He dropped his left, and he didn't rotate his shoulders on the punch. Like, he's just a regular person. But he's brave. You know what would be the biggest punch maneuver that you're thinking of? What you don't understand is he has perfected the body mechanics needed to take on a root. I stand corrected, yeah. You start rotating your shoulder out there, he'll rip it right off.

All right, there you go. You know what would be really impressive? Is if a guy beat a kangaroo with a kick yeah god that kangaroo would have to go off and commit seppuku i couldn't go back and be like where'd you get that broken paw from human kicked me he doesn't even have a tail you could come back here and still be the alpha male? No, like, get out of here. There are some animals where the matchup versus humans is actually interesting. Like, I think a lot of them that we've discussed before, not interesting. I mean, they're funny to, like, joke around about and sort of hyperbolize about, which is a word I just made up. But I think man versus kangaroo is pretty fucking legit like

if you've got like a well-trained muscular man versus like a big kangaroo like we're not gonna throw a lamb to the slaughter here but but a large kangaroo i think you have to have the like a big it's got to be like a brock lesnar like a cormier like like you got to be like a the biggest guy because that kangaroo is not as big as they're're, like, eight feet tall, aren't they? Oh, some of them are. If you, like, equalize for height instead of weight, like they do with humans, I think that would be more fair. Because if they're, like... I want the human to kick.

There aren't any wild kangaroos in America, so I feel like I don't know them that well. I just know them from pictures. But so many kangaroos I see are buff. Super strong, buff roos. How hard can a kangaroo kick let me google i feel like they're the only non-non-ape or non-primate that still has like traps and pecs yeah and like human muscles and so you'll see them and it's like and they can stand on their tail and claw with their feet which is a it's a rough weapon i i usually am the one who's on

team person because usually i'm like people can beat up birds like why am i alone in this one but on kangaroos i i think i might bet on the rue i would for sure if they clipped their like toenails or talons or whatever it'd be very close or are the guys if you want if you put a foamy on the talons, or maybe a knife in the guy's hand, things get dangerous for that root. Oh, yeah. Or a boomerang. Or a sword. That's what my shit would be like. No, it would have to be all

thematic. So, if you're going to fight a kangaroo, your options are boomerang or didgeridoo. And I'm fully aware that didgeridoo is not a weapon. Didgeridoo is the way to go you have that long stick that's the way to go wow you're like like spinning it around making beautiful music while you're fine i've watched that movie it looks like a didgeridoo movie it looks like a kangaroo

can yeah a six foot tall 185 pound kangaroo can kick with 850 PSI. This is the NSW Department of Rec and those numbers. And then a boxer, they did a study, and it looks like 70 boxers averaged around 776 pounds of force. So, like, they're pretty evenly matched. I feel like that could be a good – that could be a solid fight. Yeah, it could be. Or it could be a solid fight yeah it could be or it could be like a a death that you watch where a guy gets disemboweled with the first you know

yeah i just we have boxing gloves for the dude we could put boxing feet on the rue and that'd be hilarious i love that man yeah then i'm definitely down see that's the trick if you could ever make it so the animals had like protective gear and you could just have a thing where you go and pay to beat up some animals i feel like that would be big business i want to own that business you want to own a kangaroo fighting business not just kangaroo like you come in you can beat the shit out of any animal that's that's been rubbing you the wrong way, right? Oh, I'd be an investor.

Crows? Crows? Yeah, we got a whole room of crows. You can just stomp on them. You can just stomp the shit out of them. It's got a low ceiling and you get a butterfly net. You just catch up and fuck with them. You've got one of those tennis rackets that's electrified and the room's just full of butterflies and you're just going ape shit. What if there's like a whole room of spiders crawling around but you get to wear like snowshoes and you just crush them oh that exists kyle this is a ten dollar idea my friend i i want to i want the the the pink the penguin kicking the penguin punting i think that's going to be big they are like that what have penguins ever done to anyone nothing but they're like the perfect

size. Oh, they're kind of assholes on some of the movies, right? How about that one penguin that pushed the other in the ice? The movies? Classic. You know the one, right, Tucker? Yeah, the one. It's like oldest time, you know? Yeah. Is this an animated film we're

talking about? I will look for the... No, it's like a gif from 2005. It's so old. Walking on ice and the other one just knocks it down. I think you should only include animals in your zoo of death that have caused harm to humans. That way you have a little plausible deniability.

That specific animal or its kind? Oh, no. You wouldn't have a little plausible deniability That specific animal or its kind Oh no You wouldn't have a very successful business If you couldn't blame the entire species For the actions of the field I think the arm might be photoshopped I'm looking at this now with a more skeptical eye That penguin may have

Happily just jumped in the water With a photoshopped arm Yeah I suspect penguin arms don't even do that yeah i mean but we just do penguins have elbows well back in 2005 i didn't view with these things with such skepticism the internet was pure and kind like a daffy duck or something that was like the days of ebom's world albino black sheep yeah oh classic myspace uh i i went through recently and started looking at all my favorite like classic internet video uh

uh like playlists on uh on stream and not realizing that most of these kids were a little younger and wouldn't have seen like the end of the world and and you know all those things oh like the batman one that would yeah yeah not it's not as funny not not as funny trying to have people you know watch that and try and explain the humor of 2006 doesn't really translate an 18 year old right now doesn't remember a world without youtube much less the internet when did youtube get started oh 2005 oh you guys which was why yeah that's why that's why newgrounds was so crazy because they were buying and paying for original content and they were hosting it on their site so they had you know real animated

shows that people were going and watching weekly with like release series and stuff so they really fucked up on that let that one go this is new grounds that was a competitor to youtube no they were like youtube before youtube was youtube ah i remember google video tried to take youtube on didn't really make it i don't remember that no no they they gave it a go they tried to make their own youtube they saw youtube becoming a thing so rather than buy it they became a competitor of it and they lost and paid even so they bought it makes sense animal would you like to beat to death taylor like like like like just you think about it and you're like yeah that'd be fun just just me and that goat alone in a room together

and i've got like a like a like a aluminum baseball bat meant for a 10 year old i have a specific one uh i've talked about the monkeys at my birthday party when i was very young kimmy and kirby i bear no ill will towards Kirby. He was nothing if not a gentleman the entire time there. Kimmy, though, if I was, so that was like, what, 25 years ago? Yep. So that would mean chimps can live that long. So if she's still around, she is old as shit, but I bet she remembers what she did.

And so I'd like to cave Kimmy's skull in with an aluminum baseball bat. Can you refresh our memory on what Kimmy did? What happened here? When I was very, very young, when I was very, very young, my parents, I was obsessed with monkeys. I was obsessed with monkeys and dinosaurs. I loved them. And for my birthday, my parents

rented two monkeys, two little chimpanzees to come to my birthday, and they had their handler and shit. And so all my friends are there, Everything's there. We, we open all the presents and everything. And I got a little Kawasaki, you know, the little tiny electric things like four-wheeler, uh, ATV looking thing that you sit on as a very young child and you, and it was, it was my favorite thing forever. And Kirby, the male was super cool. He'd come over and I'd like touch him and he'd like, like grab my hand and like play with toys with me. Like and i'd like touch him and he'd like like grab my hand and like play with toys with me like i'd like throw a ball and he was like it was it was cool

as a kid you're like oh my god like a little dexterous kind of like me but dumber and it doesn't have any rights um and then i was riding my cow before i couldn't think of an appropriate joke i was riding my kawasaki around and over and over, Kimmy would come over with her little, like, monkey gait and push me off of it. And then get on it herself and drive it, which was impressive. She knew where to put her thumb to actually get it to go. But it really pissed me off. Because even at that age, I was like, don't you know I'm a human? You don't get to do

that to me. You're an animal. I'm superior genetically. I'm starting to absorb this stuff I learned at Sunday school and you're not as good as me. And so I just really got pissed at Kimmy for a while after that. She kept shoving me off my goddamn Kawasaki. She stole food out of my hand.

I had a piece of my own cake. She comes over, grabs it, and steals it. Taylor got bullied by a chimpanzee. I did. Huh. Yeah. So you beat the chimpanzee. I would probably stick with the tarantula. I can't do spiders, and I think that they would...

If we're using a baseball bat, I feel like that would give a really satisfying conclusion with one or two swings. Yeah, maybe even get us a basket of them so I can go multiple times. Because, you know, you have more swings than yours than mine. Mine's like one and done. You'd want really big ones too. So you got like the audible satisfaction of the crunch.

Oh, yeah. Maybe even a target against the wall. Exactly. There may be a better one throughout my life, but the one that's popping in my head that I keep coming back to is my ex-neighbor's German Shepherd, the one that bullied us, that terrorized us, that wouldn't let us out of the house.

No, you can't do dogs, okay? This was a mean dog. He would come into our yard, and my wife would just want to take the trash out, and it was at the back door, barking and lunging and stuff. Meanwhile, there was just snakes just by the steps. And the dog's warning. He's like, stay back, Jackie!

Stay back! Stay back! That dog was scary. It's in the woods! You can't see it, but it'll get you! But after I knocked on their door and threatened to shoot their dog, very politely, though, the whole problem disappeared. It was politely, Tucker. I see how shocked you are.

Did the dog disappear, too? No, basically, it fast-forwarded for the people that have heard this. Afternoon, I hope the day is finding you well. Their dog was coming onto our yard and kind of, like, terrorizing my wife and kids and stuff. And I knocked on the door, and I was like,izing my wife and kids and stuff and and uh i knocked on the door and i was like i don't know what to do like i was just taking my trash out and there's your dog like not on a leash not in your yard like over by me attacking me lunging to me and stuff and i was like i think i gotta bring a gun like i don't have any other ideas kyle did he came up with

like bear mace which is what i actually did i put that in the golf carts cup holder and stuff but uh after i talked them, they took the dog to training and they were more diligent about walking it on a leash. I'm a big believer you should never have your dog in public off of a leash. It's not even just for my safety. It's for your dog's safety

too. It goes both ways. Especially this particular dog. This was an aggressive German shepherd that was terrorizing people. I feel like that happens once, and as a dog owner, you say, oh, I have a dog that is a menace to society. They used to have a chocolate lab. It was old.

And that dog was lovely. He was so nice. He was just wagging his tail. He was overweight and just playful and happy all the time uh he came over into our yard too but i never said a word about it it was he was a friendly dog this german shepherd was the different dog so you'd kill that yes with a bat because i that dog i don't know that i could take it straight up that's a dangerous dog oh we know this is like uh we're to stack the deck here.

Oh, yeah. We're chaining. If you wanted to go against a grizzly bear, it's muzzled and chained. Like, this is not a fair fight. Let's put the dog in a muzzle and clip his nails and give me a bat. I like my odds. Kyle, would you kill Dax? No, I wouldn't kill him.

It's Dak. I don't, like, hate him or anything. I don't want to kill him. But he hates you a little. No? Yeah, that's Dak. I don't hate him or anything. I don't want to kill him. He's just fucking annoying. But he hates you a little. No? Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, but has Dax ever bought, or bit rather, like a neighbor kid or someone in your

area? Something that would get disqualified like cent of the pound? No, he's only bid me. Now, Dax is older now, right? How old is he? Six. Oh. I I was gonna ask if he started to chill yet he's a monster no because I think 11 year old Dak might be chill that's a Belgian Malinois that's a high energy working attack dog they um I'm sure at some point they get sleepy or arthritis or something like that but we haven't gotten anywhere near that we're

halfway there i'm just playing the waiting game the longest god i'm playing the keep a door between he and i game because he's a he's a monster he will he will attack me if he if he gets the opportunity he will he will absolutely kill me how much more life does that dog have in it? Like how long do they live and how old is it? Good six more years at least. Oh, like that'd make him like 13. Oh, that sucks.

You've got quite a bit more time unless like, God forbid, God forbid, like chocolate or something ended up in his dog bowl on accident in small amounts over like an extended period of time. What a tragedy if all of his dog food were replaced with crunched up Oreos. You know, I heard that I love

garlic. Seems chocolatey. It's gotta be dark chocolate. But no, I wouldn't poison the dog. Like I said, I don't hate him. I don't wish him harm or death. I just wish he weren't such an annoying fucker. He wishes you harm or death. That's because he's a dog. No, it's because he's an evil dog.

No, not all dogs. Yeah, dogs like people. Not all dogs like people. I'll grant you that, yeah. You've never told me a nice story about Dax. You're like, you know, once I came home and I was expecting the whole bark and freak out and be, you know, he's in the room now,

Coyle, you can enter. Like that whole thing. No. He be you know he's in the he's in the room now coil you can enter like that whole thing no he came up and he nuzzled my hand and i thought man maybe we're getting along you've never told a story like that it's always never it's always there's never been a story like that there's like oh yeah there was that time where like he was in his little little crate and he and he ate his cushion and then he vomited like the cushion up and he ate his cushion, and then he vomited the cushion up, and then he ate it again, and then he shat out the vomit cushion shit, and ate the vomit cushion shit, and then he vomited the vomit cushion shit vomit into his dog bowl, which is a specialized dog bowl that's kind of like an inverse funnel,

so that it's impossible to tip it over. so that it's possible to tip it over. So the vomit dog shit vomit is down in there mixed with water and it's been there for a couple of hours when I get back and someone has to clean out the crate and the dog bowl. It's stuff like that.

Those are the fond memories I have of the vomit dog shit, cushion vomit dog shit. And I'm sure there were a lot of little reminders all around. We're like, oh, there's the first shit and the first vomit. But where are the second? Ah, there. No, it was all just mixed together.

It was a huge mess. He had destroyed the bed. It was in itty bitty pieces. He'd eaten and shat and vomited pieces of it up. And it was just it's I was gagging. I was just gagging the whole time I was cleaning that dog's cage. But yeah, fuck him.

I like dogs. I like most dogs, but that's not the dog for me at all. I'd choose goat. I feel like they'll put up a good fight, but you'll be able to win in the end. But goats are nice, I think. No, goats are assholes.

My friend grew up with a farm and he had three or four goats at any time. And back by his barn where we'd go out and drink, you know, the second story is where they had all the food and stuff. And the goats were on the first story. So we'd hang out on the second story. And if you ever tried to feed the goats or ever wanted to do anything, the goats would bite the shit out of you. They would, you know, like if you open the gate to get in there, they'd run and jump. They would, you know, like if you open the gate to get in there, they'd run and jump.

Like they'd jump and they'd push, like go horizontal, like spear kick you to get you out of the way so they could try and run out of the pen. Goats suck, in my opinion. Have you eaten goat? I have not eaten goat that I can remember. I've eaten a lot of goat. I feel like that's like a very normal thing, too. Not normal, but it's not like eating kangaroo. Like lot of goat. I feel like that's like a very normal thing too. Not normal, but it's not like... It's not like eating kangaroo, like people serve goat. I think it's the most commonly eaten meat in the world.

Really? That I can- that I can understand. I mean, fish, right? Uh... Kyle, it has to be, right? No, fish is a whole thing. Is that cheating to say all fish? Yeah, it's saying all fish versus goat. Now I just found something immediately.

Data doesn't support the claim that goat is the most consumed meat in the world. Oh, shit. Pack it up. They're not that meaty. Chickens are number one. Oh, this is only if they go by numbers. That's bullshit. You can't count chickens and then cattle by numbers.

Gotta go pounds of... Huffington Post. I should have known. You're anti-goat bias. Yeah, I've definitely had, like, goat curry from an Indian place. And it's okay. I don't know. I think I'd rather have lamb or chicken.

Yeah. There's a YouTuber I watch, Chucky2009. He does, like, maintenance stuff and welding. He has goats. They seem very sweet. They're nice. They're, like, buds of his. Like, they're dogs

yeah he has like seven trailers or something outrageous and they're always standing on top of them yeah they uh they like to climb on stuff outside there's a there's a place in tennessee called the goat house and uh it's kind of like a tourist trap. And it's built in such a way that it's an outdoor goat pen. But the goats can also get on top of the restaurant or like the store or whatever. So there's like goats on top of the place when you drive up. They're just like up on top of the fucking building. That's a cool idea. That's kind of cool, yeah.

I used to do that when I was a kid. You used to? I used to just hang on top of the house a lot. Like we had this six-foot fence to keep the dogs in. I was really hard to contain as a kid. And I would climb on the fence and then climb on the chimney, went up real wide and then got narrower, and I could sort of scale that inclined part of the chimney to get onto the roof,

and then I would just hang out on the roof all the time and i did that my entire childhood when we moved to ocean city suddenly the roof was like four stories tall and uh it wasn't built in such a way that you could safely go from one surface to the other there was some jumping over the open space involved but i just got real comfortable with it and i used to used to hang out on a roof a lot. It's lucky to make it really. It's Jesus. I always love being high.

My grandparents who have a beach house in, in Wilmington, they have, it's like a four, four and a half story beach house. So at the, at the top, we're like in the attic, which is not to be a live-in space where my room was

I figured out that I could Climb up on the roof up there, which was great because it had an amazing view you know, you're 45 feet up off the ground but terrifying because You had to scale it by like climbing around the whatever you call the parts of the roof above the extended windows You know those like weird small triangles. Yeah the dormers So you had to like lean over and then do extended windows, you know, those like weird small triangles. Yeah, the dormers. So you had to like lean over and then do this weird, you know, rock climb scale to climb back up the slant.

So I did it like a couple times. And then one time, like my hand slipped and I wasn't like, I didn't, I was still, my back was still on inside the fence. So like I fell down onto the balcony, but I was like, all right, I think that's it for me. I'm done doing that. The view's not that great i was a slow learner yeah no i had many of those incidents and i just kept going yeah i well you strike me as like being pretty well

behaved and everything in school well behaved what was the most outrageous thing you did throughout schooling or like what you don't seem like the kind of guy that got in trouble a lot i didn't um the and so it's funny because i just my family just came over uh last week uh to for vacation to see my place all that stuff and so i had this conversation with a friend of mine because they were like oh so you know what was the worst thing that he had done and of course my parents said like oh we caught him drinking one time and i was like that did happen but that wasn't it uh i i really like this one girl um and i'm surprised i might have even told this on on this show before but i really like this one girl and she sent me a text and was like hey my parents aren't home for the weekend like you should come over like a true real hey my parents aren't aren't aren't home thing and it was like 11 30 is this

high school yeah this is high school it's like freshman year so you're like 14 15 i was 15 so maybe it was sophomore year and uh and it's like 11 30 at night on a friday and my parents are asleep and i'm like i'm gonna fucking run to her house i'm gonna run to her house it's four miles away but i'm gonna run to her house so her parents weren't home her parents weren't home right so i snuck out and i ran to the grocery store that was in between our houses i got uh and i got a monster energy tm branded beverage and i drank it and uh and then i ran for like 45 minutes like a full-on like workout run because that was four miles is a long way. And I got there and she had fallen asleep. And so I was like, but I hadn't told her I was going to run over. I was like, Oh,

that's awesome. So I gave her a call. She woke up, like let me in. And that was the first time that I ever had sex with her. And then she ended up being my, my, my girlfriend. But like what I hadn't realized was 5 30 AM comes around and I have to run back four miles to my house before my parents get up. So, and they get up really early. So, so I, to run back four miles to my house before my parents get up so and they get up really early so so I you know ran it back it was like eight miles round trip it fucking I was so tired and sweaty and gross but it was definitely the most delinquent that was the only time I ever snuck out and it was worth it because I got a girlfriend you didn't even steal a car or anything you just know I just ran healthy yeah so you you showed up sweaty

and full of monster and she wanted to bang or did you go hey baby i'm gonna hop in that shower real quick no so she she was uh she didn't let me in and was like i can't believe you're here you know i was like yeah me either it's crazy so I'm definitely a little sweaty like can I take a shower she was like oh of course that was a non a non-issue probably way smoother than I ever intended to be but I was just really sweaty and I didn't want to be sweaty so you know I just that's incredible it was great yeah no I don't have any experiences like that where I would just show up and have sex for the first time with somebody that was literally a one-time thing i'll never be able to do that ever again like physically or emotionally yeah then you got your license so you don't even have to do it right if someone told me like there's there's a hundred dollars four miles from here but you have to run i wouldn't

do it wait tucker you could do it i could do it I'm just saying I wouldn't. Like, I ran two miles today. Like, it's not bad, but it's not four miles. It's eight miles. It's like a longer distance than that. What if you can walk back? Yeah, but then it takes two hours, and you're just like, this was before smartphones. This was the era of, like, I might have an MP3 on this phone kind of thing. So, like, what do you do during that?

You can't go on Reddit. It's like like all right you have your ipod shuffle with you where you're like god when did i like any of these there's a passporting through every song added weight added weight no did how did you sneak out of the house just through the hallways and be quiet um so i had a an older house that had all wood flooring. And through my very many years of sneaking down to play RuneScape and other games, I learned exactly where the floorboards would creak. So I walked in the weirdest manner to get to the back door or sliding glass door that wouldn't make any noise. Because the front door did, the garage door would. So I slid the sliding glass door and went out that way and just left it unlocked um and when i came back there was a light on in my parents

room like it was 6 30 in the morning so they might have been up but it's not like the it's not like they like look into my room and like up there he is sleeping you know they're just so what if someone what if you see this could be a good movie like right? Like what if he does this? He's out all night, leaves the door unlocked. Well, he's gone. His whole family's murdered. Oh, my God. And then you have no alibi because.

Yeah. You're afraid that somebody thinks he's fucked. Is it his fault for leaving the door unlocked or did he save himself by not being there? No, it was. Oh, look at this premise we got going on. It was the not-locked-door bandit who only motives people who are not locked.

That was the thing. Kyle's telling the truth. There's a serial killer, and his thing was, they're like, how did you pick your victims? I just tried the door. It was unlocked. I figured they wouldn't mind. I've told this story too many times his name was richard chase and uh chase later told the texas that he took locked doors as a sign that he was not welcome but unlocked doors were

an invitation to come inside i remember this thing yeah yeah this is a real thing this is a real thing? This is a real guy. He killed six people in the 70s. Yeah. The Dracula killer. Not a good-looking man. No, this wasn't the guy that just got caught, was it? The long, unsolved mystery one? No, this guy killed himself in 1980 with overdose. Before he got caught, I guess.

What was his forte? What did he enjoy? Richard Trenton Chase was an American serial killer who killed six people in the span of a month in sacramento california he was nicknamed the vet the vampire of sacramento because he drank his victim's blood and cannibalized their remains you know i just like i really they don't even cook it do they they just kind of eat it and under motives it's funny because they put blood drinking necrophilia and schizophrenia like

schizophrenia was a motive i mean yeah i mean to a crazy person that must make sense though where they're like locked eh well no they don't want anybody coming in oh unlocked well if they didn't want someone to come in they would have locked it surely well all right i guess i want to get their organs this is like vampire logic right except they just you know they get invited in one time and they assume that for the rest of time it's cool it seems related i think that's how it works this is like a passover logic that's what i learned from uh from true blood true blood yeah but in true blood they had like long permission right it was like it was like they were boyfriend girlfriend suits it was like

ah you now you have permission to come in anytime. But it seemed like a less familiar vampire had to ask each and every time. That's the way it seemed. Because occasionally she'd let Eric in, but not often. Okay, yeah. And Eric would really get after it. Kyle has a knack for

remembering movie and TV details. Yeah, he really does. True Blood. True blood's great man until you get to like fourth season or so my memory of true blood is stained by school like when true blood was out i was earning a master's degree and i desperately wanted to watch it but it was a period in my life where devoting even like an hour to something other than school or work was like i don't know a real uh downs i don't know i i had the dvds and i started watching like for probably probably like three or four years in but i like i binged it on i really liked

it i like true blood i think it's a really cool like world building thing they do where like they explain why there are vampires and how like they're in this like renaissance of vampires being out coming out of the the coffin as they call it i I was very interested in that show. The drawl of it was very powerful to me, mostly because of the universe. I love it when they build a universe like that. But I didn't have the time until later. Yeah, there's a lot of naked vampires too, which I'm a fan of.

Always a fan. Naked vampire sex, by the way, definitely requires lubricant. Oh, and their dicks can't even get hard. No, their dicks can't even get hard. There's no blood. That's why they drink blood. They're nothing but blood.

They chug blood and then they fuck. It seems like they didn't have any problem like that, but they fucked at the speed of light. They literally fucked so fast that it was a blur, and the chicks were always like, ahhh! They really liked it some dudes like literally fucking them at 400 rpms or something like that like like it's just it's literally so fast his

body becomes a blur and uh is it like primitive technology where the guy's right about to get the fire kyle's right but there was another thing uh one of the vampires was a virgin when she became a vampire and she was like real puritan and religious and such but then when she became a vampire she got a little bit naughty well the thing is every time she had sex it would heal back up like this because vampires do that so she was like her hymen would return and it would be her first time every time hell yeah for her no she was not a fan of this situation she made her very upset this is that's her that's not me i'm a fan of the situation unless she starts saying no but yeah she's a vampire she could she gets to live forever. She can deal.

That's a long life with virgin sex. Yeah, but, like, after 500 years of life, do you think you're still like, hell yeah, sex. Man, that's dope. Like, every once in a while, maybe. But mostly you'll be wanting to do, like, crazy shit. Because by that time, like, that length of life, you'll be, like, running an empire or building or building something like puppeteering humans against each other like i feel

like your interest would get way more fucked i feel like powerful people if i learned anything from the news continue to have an interest in sex for a long time it's just like once once money stops becoming a barrier to getting cool stuff you you want stuff that's hard to acquire, harder to acquire than just buying. That first century, probably all eyes wide shut parties, just like crazy shit. But then after, are you guys on the page of like, after a little while, you're going to want to do like more conquest and conquering and like making the world in your own image kind of stuff?

Yeah, we'll just make the sex weirder. That'll last for several hundred years. Okay, Kyle, at the end of year 300, when you've exhausted everything, you've used every sex thing on Earth, and you've also invented a couple of your own, but you're at your wit's limit for new tactics. Dead goat stories have become passe. Then do you decide, you know what?

I'm going to take over Transylvania, and I'm going to work out from my core area. I'm going to dominate the world. No? Nah. I mean, in that show, they had sort of king ships sort of quarantined off, and there were kings of each state. Or queens.

So, you know, at some point they deal with the queen of Louisiana. So, you know, that'd be cool, I guess, to be the king of no no not no in that show my understanding i haven't watched it it's like ah the queen of louisiana but if you go to like uh a denny's there and mention the queen of louisiana they're like the gup you mean the governor are you retarded like no like well the vampires no i know but i'm talking about power that the humans would know like you exercise that

power like eventually you just want to conquer shit do they do that in that show or are they like just playing their own little games of like oh oh the the archduke of mississippi of course nobody knows who the fuck you are loser a little bit of wow a little bit of even verified you need to be a little careful about that's careful about messing with the humans because they vastly outnumber you. You want to stay off their radar. But do you? You're pretty vulnerable with the no sunlight thing. There's a lot of sunlight in the world.

You could proliferate your vampirism very quickly, though, if you wanted to. But the new vampires are just getting used to their powers and they're kind of useless a lot of the times like you'd have to bite like a secret agent or something to effectively have like a soldier they're useless as a soldier i'll admit but you also take them from their team and put them in your you know batter up yeah it would all be a practical thing so let's say let's say there's a uh you know jorge cortez is leading the charge against vampirism. We're not going to let them come and take us and everything. In the night, you sneak in and turn him into a vampire.

You make very tactical moves. At night, the world is your domain. You can do whatever you want. Anyone who opposes you, you fly in as a bat, do vampire things. I don't know their powers in this show, but you do them. You have to get invited into the house. It's harder than you making it out to be. Okay, I'll wait for them to leave.

But you can like hypnotize them and you can be like, invite me in. And they'll be like, all right. I feel like there's a really weird stopgap. It's like, I can do almost everything. I can live forever, but I just physically cannot enter your home

without an invite. Like, why would you stay in here? It would be too powerful if they could just walk right in, I guess. Yeah. I don't know. Somebody made this up. True Blood's good. Yeah, I like True Blood.

It gets a little crazy toward the end with fairies and werewolves and werepanthers and just lots of titties but uh but the first few few seasons are quite good i think i liked it you can bite animals and turn them into vampires and then they're on your team no that's no but but a werepanther is a person who uh turns into a panther rather than a wolf oh oh are guys werepanthers or is that like a girl thing? Okay Where the guys turn into werewolves and the girls turn into were a path that somehow made sense to me they were like werepussies It seemed like they were having a lot of crazy like orgies where they were sometimes they'd be wolves and sometimes they wouldn't so they They're like fucking the chicks as the wolf and then they're fucking the the the chicks want They're a human but the chicks a wolf and doing all kinds of crazy orgies this is why hbo is outstanding right you don't see abc trying that shit this is why what is the space show i watch expell us

expanse expanse now that's going on amazon and all the rules are off it's going to be better it's already good yeah it's pretty good well tell me about that goat rape i need to look it up i removed the bookmark yeah i came here for the goat rape that's that's before we get to goat rape though kyle do you have anything you'd like to say yeah i found it smiles people smile the hindu stand times this will be great let me tell everyone about dollar shave club first apparently because because no matter what you

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for taylor i have woody you weren't here when I explained it. I have a very well-timed and quite honestly, perfect little five-minute, the video's not five minutes, but we probably spent five minutes on it. It's like a minute-long video that you guys need to watch involving wings. Let's do it. Oh, well, ooh.

Well, you've got two resident experts here. All right, yes. So let me give you some background on this. So I was just, I was hanging out on Twitter yesterday and an artist friend of mine posted a video to a link and it said, whoa, just spent a couple minutes

making a short little remix out of this streamer freaking out. And I clicked on it and in my head I'm like, oh, I hope it's Wings. Of course it's wings of course it's wings so he he's a you know pretty good producer and he ended up making a little video I saw this he wrote to me too and I think I liked it but I don't see that I've liked it on the screen but anyway I'm ready if you guys are ready yep same so I'm queued up at zero three

two one play 3, 2, 1, play. Um... I wanted him so fucking bad. Woof! Woof! You hear that? Woof! Woof! Woof! That attracted him. Yeah, that sound. Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! that's great that cheers me up i was like that cheers me up but i mean just in general the uh the timing is wild because you know in my head i was like oh i'm going on that literally tomorrow so So, wow. Coincidental. Dude, that guy has skills. I don't know what's new in the Wings world. I tried to watch a half hour video of the stream highlights, but I didn't make it through it.

That's how I feel with every stream highlight video. For everyone. I don't even watch stream highlight videos. I like stream highlight videos. I like them more than streams. That's my cup of tea. But Wings just, he seems, he's just sort of level and depressed. And it doesn't make for great highlights for me.

I like him happy and I like him raging. But that middle area where he occupies now is it's not doing are we getting uh are we getting weight updates still so we know who's winning the wager i haven't heard yeah and the stuff i have heard it might be out of date too but it's like ridiculous lies about caloric intake you know 400 calories a day today i had 12 grapes like really you got 12 grapes today i don't buy it that seems like a light day 12 13 no put 13 what i don't understand about this whole diet thing is if he were able to keep himself 12 grams a day why did he have to have the surgery i i really the surgery stops the

hunger cravings right makes his body feel full maybe it just yeah no that's what it is just faster yeah it just triggers his full mechanism whatever that is tell him to stop eating well i'm with you uh it hasn't been very entertaining it hasn't been very very entertaining over there um i've run out of fun things to watch. I've been watching Letterkenny. I'm pretty sure it's that Canadian silly show about, I don't know, Canadian farmers. I don't know how to describe it to people about what it's exactly

about, but it's very funny, very silly. And I've run out of wings content to enjoy. I haven't found anything that really tickled my fans. That's shocking to me. Well, there's those remixes. Like the one that Tucker just showed us. There's a lot of those.

There's another guy who's done eight of them on his channel. And I sing those as I go about my day. But after a while... Of course. Yeah. Which one do you sing in the shower? Oh, God. I'm trying to remember the lyrics so bad.

Mr. Big Guy. No, no, no. No, that's a music video. But there's this other guy who does rap. Like these Wings of Redemption raps. Liquid Richard. Oh, I got it. He goes,

Liquid Richard Productions. La la la la la. Liquid Richard. Liquid Richard. And it's just like, it's great. It's of course Wings. All Technicolor edited on the screen. I gotta find little Richard. Liquid Richard. Liquid Richard.

What up, Liquid Richard? That's how it goes. What up, Liquid Richard? What up, Liquid Richard? It's so good. And you sing this in the shower? I sing it as I go about my day. Yeah.

Wings. Does Lexapro kill your appetite also? Does anyone know? I think Lexapro is an SSRI, so that can have different effects depending on the person. So like some people, I think it's more common to gain weight on SSRIs than it is to lose weight, but everybody's different.

Okay. This is, this little video is called little richie um lonely is the name of the song um jesus it's already going to be content has a theme i'm queued up at zero yeah i'm ready three two one play you guys just don't understand like how often people fuck with me here we are it's not like that when i end the stream people stop fucking with me the money's slowly seeping out of it and all i get is grief big up liquid richard my name is richard i hate streaming the fact is i'm i'm not a good streamer. I do this to try to melt the last little bit of my viewership

Editing is pretty good. It's so meat spirited Donate or get the fuck out. He's so talented and mean. How is that even fucking fair? Have a good time, have a good game Have a good time, have a good game How is that even fucking fair? Fuck hair, lesson, fuck hair, lesson How is that even fucking fair? Bruh Fuck hair, lesson, fuck hair, lesson

I just can't fucking, I just can't fucking I got a fucking, fucking, fucking This is a full video, huh? Yeah, it's two minutes. It's mostly through. Oh, it's great. So you sing this to yourself? Yeah!

I can do it. You sing this to yourself while raping the goat. No. Playing in the background. Either subscribe, donate, or get the fuck out alright that's over ah man

trying to think where I all of these are always kind of mean spirited cause that's like the joke but some of them are way more mean spirited than others it's funny that someone's so talented would be so mean right does it seem like there shouldn't be that overlap that that someone who has like someone who can put that together should do something nicer am i crazy no one would watch like a really nice video. I don't want to watch a compliment video, Woody.

I want to watch somebody get torn down from multiple angles. We haven't seen a compliment video. Someone put one together. No one has ever looked up, uplifting remix. Wigs of redemption. Oh man. Victory montage. Positive thoughts, trap music. Oh, man. Victory montage. Positive thoughts trap music. Like, 30 seconds.

No, nobody's doing that. Yeah. Oh, that's a little rough. I'm trying to think. I ran into someone the other day. Like, I don't remember what setting, but they, like, on some sort of, like, public thing, and they wrote to me, look here, look, listen. Oh, what was it? It was so funny so funny shit i can't think of it now i don't know what i was doing but someone knew it

something about wings is so memeable right like every time he's mad a new meme is created he taps against a stop sign and it's like on facebook gift suggestions if you put stop on twitter like under the gift suggestions just stop i think he's in like the top row that's him tapping that well let's find out let's find out i'm gonna try facebook that's yep he's the fourth one yeah that's great that That's hilarious. I love that. I love that that's a thing. Yeah, I'm looking for his.

Yeah, he's certainly losing. He doesn't have a choice. That's my thought process on this. And I'm hoping that I win that money. Because I think I said 65 pounds. And I think that that's me and Shiz. We picked 65 pounds. Both of us did.

I have no idea what I picked. Yeah, you might have picked 70 or 75. On Facebook, he's the eighth one. If you type stop, he's number eight. That's pretty amazing. Are Wings and Boogie pretty tied now? Or are they not tied? I thought boogie was doing well yeah boogie also started from way higher so i'm not sure if like they're they're close or if boogie passed him or if he's not quite up to wings it was a big deal in the

subreddit at one point that boogie was lighter than wings now that was before wings had the surgery and and are we Wings weight updates? I feel like all I see is don't ask me. Not good ones. Last I heard, he was just under 400. I wish he just told the truth. No, you had the best idea ever. Woody had this idea where he's always sitting on a digital scale with a readout behind him. I was a dick.

I would take that. My idea was to level out a chair on a veterinarian scale where they'd measure cattle and stuff, where they have the little LED display behind him. So during the whole stream, you could see him gain and lose weight as he consumed Pepsi or went to the bathroom or whatever. Yeah.

These are good ideas. Brilliant. Imagine he's eating his sugar-free pudding and he goes up a tenth of a pound and everybody's like, oh! Like the film in The Office where the DVD thing hits the corner. Oh yeah, everybody's waiting for it.

Oh! He's at like 389.9 and you're taking bets on whether he's about to go up a full pound or he's continuing down. He's got that sugar free fucking pudding and as soon as he picks it up he goes up the weight and he's just like He wouldn't be able to pick up a glass of

water or anything without people being like Oh! Yeah, he just takes a six ounce wrap and goes up half a pound. Imagine if he had his 11th grape of the day and be like, you know, 49.9 I better put that 12th grape of the day And be like you know 49.9 I better put that 12th grape away Can't hear the left

I've been rolling the dice on the 1 through 11 I can't take the risk You could carry the grape and see what it does to your weight first Right and consume it based on that Yeah You could totally do that if you wanted to That wouldn't be ridiculous to set up Like some sort of a chair pad

How much is a veterinarian scale though well look i'd be watching and donating constantly if there was a vet and veterinarian scale i'm wondering if you can get if we can get it done some other way like but maybe not let's say we want a digital readout that's key it's like digital oh it's cheaper than i thought but i'm seeing $280 for a hog scale. I see that. Good find. Solid find, Woody. Nice hog scale

pricing. I'm familiar with that industry and that's a steal. Alpaca and dogs. We're on the same page for sure. Petscales.net No, pallet scales scales i'm reading it in carefully pallets 660 pounds that's where it maxes out at oh he's covered that in ways chair too did you see he got a new chair yeah he brought a new memory foam chair now this is something that

confuses me i've been wanting to talk about this as boogie lost his weight he also said that sitting became really uncomfortable because he just doesn't have very much padding anymore and wings is too saying that sitting is not as comfortable as it used to be because he lacks padding in his rear end and i think to myself because no i just think that that's i'm looking at my friend tucker here who has never had any of the padding that that like say a wings a Wings or a Boogie had, and doesn't find it uncomfortable to sit. I think that's because he weighs, like, 160 or 170 pounds or something. Yeah.

I don't need padding because I have no, like, I can't indent this chair if I tried. So there's a magic number in your... Go sit on Tucker's lap all night, and I bet his ass is sore. Again? I bet after a night of sitting on his lap all night. I wish. Again? I also, I think that I used to have a little bit of a lower back problem slash it wasn't as comfortable to sit when I was using a normal DX racer and or similar company chair.

You know, one of those like racing chairs. But I have a Herman Miller and I love this thing. Like, I don't have any problems with this and I don't think I could. Which Herman Miller? Herman Miller Master Race. The Embody, I believe. I don't have any problems with this and I don't think I could. Which Herman Miller? Herman Miller Master Race. The Embody, I believe. I don't know that one. Mine's the high-backed one. The Arion or something?

Yeah, you have the Arion, the office chair version. Mine's got spines. I'm sitting in a wooden chair that you use at pull-up bars. At elementary school. At a red-black leather i yep i usually use for internet videos but but tonight yeah fun fact uh i recognize that that's the casting couch that

kyle's sitting on it's got a slight odor to it but he doesn't mind i i prefer it this way why they use leather so there's no odor it doesn't sink in you know just a couple wet naps and you're good to go yeah that is to go yeah yeah with a leather i guess in any case you'd want to lay a towel down ideally oh oh well i mean i mean definitely but if you lay or no you'd want to lay a towel down yeah yeah there's no there's no situation where i wouldn't think, oh, well, a towel would be very useful here. I mean, sex towels, the most dangerous thing about them is if they get mixed back into circulation. They have to be a different color. They have to be a different color.

You can't use your standard. Your auxiliary bath towel can't be used. Yeah, I've got a lot of blues, a lot of tans, and I've got one ugly brown one. It's orange and i've never liked and our sex towel just has lots of people fucking printed on it so you know it's the sex towel we keep that you pick it up and like the kids bathroom breaks off yeah that's the in-laws towel oh that's got to be something that parents have definitely seen before. If you're out by the pool and you see your son or daughter drying their head and their hair off and you notice the pattern, it's like, is that?

Oh. Oh, shit. Okay. Well, better not let on. Has that ever happened, Woody, where you notice the sex towel got out of, you know, escaped? Out of the confines. Probably not. At the pool, we not at the pool we

have uh like beach towels that we use but to be honest the sex towels are not that cordoned off from the other towels maybe this is gross maybe this is we have like towels that aren't as nice as the other ones and then they just go straight to the laundry washing washing machines do a great job i assume you know i have when i was younger i was a believer because i shit i was violently ill getting taken home from school and i shit my pants and i had to sit in it for the entire 25 30 minute ride home threw them in the washing machine and i wore them next week nobody knew they were clean so i told you. Kyle is totally vindicated. We had a discussion last week.

Kyle, you go ahead. Just saying last week. Washing machines wash. You can just take a shit right on top of all of your dirty clothes. So your whites, your whites, your fucking like nice button down business shirts. Yeah, yeah, Taylor, yeah. Your girlfriend's cashmere sweater, everything everything and you can take a big hearty shit right on top put that motherfucker on extra long cycle and put maybe an extra tie pot in that

bitch and you'll never know you'll never know it'll even smell good yeah but like we said before if you try that shit in the dryer you're in trouble oh yeah but nobody's nobody's arguing you lay a big turd some diarrhea in the dryer gets everywhere it's all like an hour later it'll go from big fresh wet new turd to like weak old dog turd it's all dried and shriveled tinnily banging around in

there so we never to get to the goat right yeah let's go what about ramping And I'm not going to let you forget Alright well Police have booked 8 men in the village of Haryana's Mawat district For raping a goat Wednesday night The 7 year old goat was pregnant And died a day after the assault

How old? 7 year old goat Who is currently pregnant Not only a goat But a pedophile Police have registered the case Under section 377 of the Indian Penal Code So they have this

Intercourse against the order of nature Of a man, woman, or animal So the police are yet to make any arrests But the accused Will be nabbed soon So yeah I guess the guy In accordance with our other guy So the police are yet to make any arrests, but the accused will be nabbed soon. So yeah, I guess the guy, in accordance with our other guy, left the stable door open and the goat roamed free, which they must have taken as an indication to gang rape the pregnant goat to death.

Taylor mentioned you might be a pedophile because you're having sex with only a seven-year-old goat. Why is it me in this scenario? Aren't, aren't, aren't, aren't, it's the royal you. Oh, thanks, alright. It's the general you, not just you specifically. I'm in him. Aren't, aren't young goats called kids? They are. Yeah.

So either way, he's a pedophile. Good point. Kid fucker. Yeah, he's a kid fucker. Ugh. I mean, I'm sorry sorry there's eight of these you're not there where's there was no stop there was no and not one of them was like maybe we shouldn't fuck this this is kind of fun like the the parent of the goat the owner of the goat

went up to one of the pedo rapists and said you know that like hey how could you do this and he laughed and said that he and his friends had a nice time the owner was furious and he thrashed him i don't know what that means exactly and the goat rapist fled on the spot so yeah it's a general they're proud of it this is like they were all they were down by the pub bragging about raping the goat with the boys. Wow. The goat was 50 weeks pregnant. All cultures are equal. There was blood in her windpipe. They must have, like,

did they get oral from the goat too? Goats eat anything. This seems dangerous. Yes, of course they got oral from the goat. Sorry, I'm very new to this, Kyle. I bet that part of it dying was them, like, pulling all the teeth out or something fucked up. No. No. No, I doubt that. How are they going to get oil from a goat unless they pull all its teeth out?

Have you ever seen a goat's teeth? I mean, I haven't paid much attention. They're grinders, you know? Yeah, yeah. You don't worry about that. You just get it. Oh, yeah. You want a little grinding?

The real question. Don't judge me. Yeah, a little. The eighth man to step in line on that train let's just say it took a good three minutes per man to fuck the goat he's been standing there for a good

twenty fucking minutes not including the part where we wrestled the goat down or the part where we're inevitably like someone needs to like find some sort of barnyard lubricant. God knows what's happening. Can you imagine what a goat's pussy looks like after seven?

It looks like if ISIS attacked Arby's HQ. Don't get me started. It would be out of control. Just a soupy mess. Just, oh. And then are they all hanging out together, like watching? Yeah. Like, Mahmoud, hurry up. Yeah out together? Like, watching? Yeah. Like, Mahmoud, hurry up.

Yeah, you're the eighth man in line, and for the last 20 to 30 minutes, you've been watching a goat fuck go on. A literal goat fuck. That's sort of a, like... Well, it managed to be to stay hard, I'm sure. Are they finishing? Like, maybe if you're moving houses,

and, like, the delivery guy doesn't show up, and then the water starts leaking into your apartment you're about to move into and the whole day is ruined. We call that a goat fuck. This is a literal goat fuck. And this man was like, all right, my turn. He was like – You know he was stroking it. He's like, I'm hard as a rock.

I'm ready to get right in there. No preamble. I wonder if the eighth guy finds it. Oh, I don't mind going last. Yeah, that's where I was headed. Does he think it's hotter to be eight or not as hot to be eight is it is is this the winner or the loser in the train kind of lukewarm to me i think it's dead there are there are no winners in this woody they're all at the end of the day you're either the no one remembers what order you fucked the

goat in they only remember you did it not how you did it i don't know what you did what's an appropriate punishment for this uh honestly honestly i i think you have to let a goat fuck you right no it's not it's not gonna be that bad because i hate to say it but i don't think we should like be that harsh on people fucking goats to death like i get that it's a little fucked up but i just talked to you at length about all the animals i've eaten right nobody batted an eyelash over the over that and this guy these guys just fucked one no yeah but i've never eaten an animal that was alive i mean every one of them has been fucking dead and i've eaten goats and lambs lambs are baby sheep no if if if i left my door unlocked and that maniac made his way into my home and he tied me up,

if he told me, I'm going to fuck you to death, and then like 30 seconds later he goes, no, no, no, I'm going to kill you and eat you, I'd go, oh! Oh, thank God. You had me going there, buddy. You would much prefer that one. So I don't think there's an equivalency there i just don't i also what what killed the goat like did the dicks kill the goat you know or was it them was it the next day i feel like i feel like it was no i feel like it was them restraining the

goat by the way i looked up um the punishment for section 377 of the Indian Penal Code. And it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It says, whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the nature of any man, woman, or animal should be punished with imprisonment for life or imprisonment up to 10 years and defined. So it's either... It's a lot of leeway. All we know for sure is that you can't get between 10 years and a fine. So it's either it's just severity.

All we know for sure is that you can't get between 10 years and life. It's just up to 10 years or life. Because it's India and they had that caste system or whatever, maybe it's that if you're poor, we're locking you away forever. But if you've got some money,

you can pay your way out of this thing. That's kind of how we do it here, to be fair. Not a lot of goat fucking here. I don't think I don't think like a celebrity could hold on I wait guys being celebrity first of all there's but there was me are now there was that Boeing employee Wow what a segue there was that Boeing employee which is located in Seattle, that got fucked by a horse and died. Yes, Space Cowboy. Yes. Call him the Gangster of Love.

Yeah, I thought you were going to go in the direction of that plane guy. I was. I was setting it up. And what else is in Seattle? Mr. Hanson. Was that Seattle? Yeah, that's why my head is like, I was like, all right, well. Sorry, I'm a little slow.

In Seattle, just a couple days ago, an airline mechanic went crazy, and he took a plane. I want to say it's like an 80-passenger plane. Like, if I told you, like, the serial number, nobody would know what the fuck I was talking about. But just imagine plane with like 40 rows of seats like a big fucking plane not a not a giant jetliner but not a like a a private plane either and uh he starts sightseeing and they've got like an air force captain in the air and an f-15 flying behind him and they got air

traffic control trying to talk to him, but they're all terrible negotiators. At one point, he's like, he decides to do a loop, right? They'll be like, 619 are coming out of the northeast. We're going to need you to make a left-hand turn there. Yeah, that's right. This is Captain Phillips coming on in. Yeah, if you just make that left

at the next juncture there. Yep, yep. 317, head northeast. And the guy's like, you know, I was really hoping you guys would just want to talk, you know, just have a little chat. He's like, I'm thinking about doing a loop here. You want to watch it? Yeah, definitely if he talks about the loop. Because there's a three-minute,

do you have the three-minute version of the best tidbits from air traffic control? Oh, let's find that. I'll pull that up. Yeah, there are some really good quotes in there like at one point they told him you know hey we're trying to make sure you're not causing any disruptions to our actual flight traffic and he said uh oh yeah okay i don't want to screw with that i'm glad you're not screwing up anyone else's day on account of me yeah he's like oh i i'm not gonna ruin it because I just linked it. All right, let's queue up.

All right, I'm queued up at zero. This has to be one of my favorite videos. Ready, set, play. I've got a lot of people that care about me, and it's going to disappoint them to hear that I did this. I would like to apologize to each and every one of them. Just a broken guy.

Got a few screws loose, I guess. Never really knew it until now. So calm. I'm down to 2100. I started at like 30-something. Rich, you said you're at 2,100 pounds of fuel left. Rich, you said you're at 2,100 pounds of fuel left? Yeah, I don't know what the burn edge, burn out is like on takeoff, but yeah, it burned

quite a bit faster than I expected. Okay. Okay. There is the runway just off your right side in about a mile. Do you see that? That's the McCord Field. Oh, man, those guys would rough me up if I tried landing there. I think I might mess something up there, too. I wouldn't want to do that.

Oh, they probably got anti-aircraft. They don't have any of that stuff. It's a military race. Air traffic is fucking laughing too. Yeah, not quite ready to bring it down just yet, but holy smokes, I gotta stop looking at the fuel because it's going down quick. He's so excited. Okay, Rich, if you could... I were in the jury. We'll take you down to the southeast, please. He's so excited! I were in the jury at voting or something.

Oil-erking guys. I like to think he flies this plane for the rest of his life. He just needs some help controlling his aircraft. I'm pretty sure that's the case. Very good. I don't need that much help. I've played some video games before. I'd like to figure out how to get this cabin out to... I know where the box is. I would like to make it pressurized or something so I'm not so lightheaded.

Minimum wage. We'll chalk it up to that. Maybe that'll grease the gears. What's he talking about? He's like, oh, this is why I did it. Because I'm on minimum wage. Let me just try that one out. People's lives are at stake here.

Now, Rich, don't say stuff like that. No, I just told you, I don't want what white guy I guess he's saying the disadvantage? Oh, this is the last 10 minutes. there or just like the pilot suggests another option would be over puget sound into the water dang uh did you talk to mccord yet because i don't think i'd be happy with you telling me i could land like that because i could mess some stuff up well richard already talked to him and uh just like me what we want to see is you not get hurt or anybody else get hurt he's afraid to land at the military base like i said if you want to try is you not get hurt or anybody else get hurt. He's afraid to land at the military base. Like I said, if you want to try to land, that's probably the best place to go. Hey, I want the coordinates of that orca with the, you know, the mama orca with the baby.

I want to go see that guy. You know, the most fucked up thing is, is i'm sitting here when this is all unfolding on twitter because like you know twitter lovely news thing i'm starting to see all these people taking videos from like 20 seconds ago it's like this guy is doing barrel rolls in the air right now what the fuck's going on and i'm thinking like the the in in the most like i can't even explain it another way like he seems like a normal dude you see i would go and have a couple beers with this guy but if it was anybody else in any other situation this is a catastrophic event i guess this could be terrible like people were worried for a sec they're like

is this terrorism and then people are like usually terrorists don't do loop the loops away from where anyone could get hurt and express explicit intent of not hurting anyone. Yeah, it was, I mean, I guess he died. Dude, I just showed the video. He pulled off a barrel roll. Not a barrel roll. No, he did. He barrel rolled and loopy looped.

I don't see a loop. I did see a barrel roll, though. Yeah, I don't think anybody got the loop. The loop, here's the deal. He's like, I probably need to be at like 6,000 feet to pull off this loop, huh? And they're just like, here's the here's the deal he's like i probably need to be at like 6 000 feet to pull off this loop huh and they're just like let's not do that yep six ought to do it really close and he barely makes it at the bottom like he barely recovers in time to like not hit the ground and they're like all right well you did that congratulations do you want to land it now and he's like ah you know i was kind of hoping that was going to be it there i might just go nose

down over here somewhere and they're like no no no no hang on a goddamn minute like like like he i think he had vomited all over the control panel from the loop you can hear him in the in the clip when he's talking about not ready to set it down yet because he's he's like gagging it back he's like yeah i'm not not really ready to put it down just yet it's like so funny but also so it's such a weird juxtaposition of funny and sad to see someone who knows they're gonna die and they're still making little jokes and quips. I thought it was kind of charming how he was concerned about everybody else's well-being.

Like, you know, I don't want to put it down there. I could mess up that airport or hit the building or something. How about I just put this down in the water? It sounded like he was concerned for everybody else. Or when he went far enough away that he thought it wouldn't impact other people's flight schedules. Yeah, yeah. I don't want any delays, you know? They had already halted all airspace for like two hours. way that he thought it wouldn't impact other people's flight schedules yeah yeah delays you know they had already halted all airspace for like two hours it was uh it was a non a non-issue

well he died yeah he crashed into a small island but he wasn't evil straight i guess that's the thing like he did a bad thing but he didn't seem like chaotic good he was chaotic good you know i like you brightened our i like maybe chaotic neutral was he lawful evil right did he just have a set of rules that he followed by when he did bad things oh i think calling him evil would be a stretch like he didn't seem to want to harm anyone unless it's evil the one he stole a plane like he probably stole it plenty a 220 million dollar plane i guess something like that plenty of planes yeah but still like that the entire the entire situation you step back is super weird because to be completely honest

that they if it was not some random white guy mechanic like this would be such an incredible story i don't think i've seen it in the news cycle since the day it happened right like the like beefed up security protocol for having making sure that this is not even a possibility all that stuff versus you know it's like oh it was just some crazy guy who crashed into the into the island i don't think it has anything to do with him being white anybody who's making funny quips up there like this people are gonna like like they'll be drawn to him and endeared i'm not no i'm not, no, I'm saying like prior to all that, it's just the whole being able to even get the plane in the air thing. One of the challenges.

He was a nobody though, right? He was a mechanic. I don't know. So one of the things that I take, when I worked in IT, security was always a double-edged sword. Like you could secure, secure, secure, lock it down to the point where nothing could possibly happen, but people could barely do their jobs. Yeah. I take that same thing and apply it to this aircraft mechanic.

You know, if you were to secure it to the point where a mechanic didn't have access to planes, then they could barely do their jobs. I bet they're just like, what are you going to do? You know? Yeah. And also, this is probably the I, you know, I thought it was funny because as as, literally as soon as it came out, like, oh, he totally crashed the plane. I saw, you know, all of Twitter light up with the quote tweet with Trump saying, like, today, you know, great year in aviation, no known casualties from whatever. And it's like, well, that was short lived. Like, got one.

Got one. Yeah. Yeah. was short-lived like got one got one yeah yeah i liked all the pictures of like like all the images people made of like his coming off the loop the loop and it's like motivational things all just like the see you later space cowboy see his facebook the facebook photo memes right like people found his facebook and started putting like him and his his a girl or a girlfriend i don't know the relation just throwing them into like hallmark cards like like sword of the sky zicharis and stuff like that what a great way for a terrible thing to happen you know what a wonderful

he was charming in his death and potential murder olympics right he kept talking about flying over to look at the olympics and i a little confused by that. So I did a little... Turns out the Special Olympics are being held up there. I was really hoping that maybe he was going to fly over there, try to get a better look, and they were

either going to shoot him down, or he was going to 9-11 that thing into the Special Olympics. That would be horrible. Well, of course it'd be horrible. Yeah. But it'd be a spectacle. It'd be a spectacle. What is the protocol for shooting down planes? Like, you know,

in general, because they had the fighter out there, right? They know he's the only one on board. You know if you have to pull the trigger, the plane's going to crash somewhere, so you have to make sure it's not on a trajectory. Or I don't even know, what if you shoot it down and it hangs a right into a city?

Who gives the authority to pull the trigger? Both Bush and Cheney did it in 9-11. But I would think you could authorize it lower than that. I don't think it's a presidential authorization, but I also don't know enough. There's probably a set of protocol that once those have been met, they're free to shoot the thing down. Man.

I kind of wish it would have gone down like that. The pilot that was in the air was a captain, which I don't know much about that stuff, but it just kind of seemed to me like maybe they put someone up there who had sort of the authority to make a decision. Yeah. I mean, I just think that would have been a little more interesting. If they shot him down?

Yeah, because like that, I don't, have we ever shot down somebody over our own airspace? Funny you should mention that. We did a thing two weeks ago, maybe, where we each picked a conspiracy theory, and mine was that the plane in Pennsylvania was shot down. And Woody made a PowerPoint presentation and it was very compelling.

I, I, I'm not on either side of that. Like the story, isn't the story like, Oh, they, they fall back and then they crashed the plane.

Cause nobody knew how to fly, whatever it is. Right. Something like you're saying that you're saying that they scrambled jets and they shot it down. That's the official story. They definitely scrambled jets, and there are jets in the area. That much isn't under question.

Really, the only question is, did they fire or not? You know, I'd be super inclined to believe they did. I've not seen any evidence on either side, but I like the feel-good story. That one's kind of nice. I've never seen any evidence they didn't shoot it. Oh. Yes. But I have seen evidence the frogs are gay.

I didn't see any intact planes implying no shooting. That would prove it. If you saw the PowerPoint, you'd be convinced. Send it to me in PDF form. I'll check it out later. We bought it. Yeah. That's a good segment. It is. Love to do it again. in PDF form. I'll check it out later. We bought it. Yeah. That's a good segment. It is.

Love to do it again. It's fun. Trying to figure that out. Yeah. As for segments, if we don't have anything to go to, I've got a Bible story that I brought this evening. Oh, yes. Let me do it. Let me do a quick ad read and then just barrel right on in.

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Huge fan. The biggest. I'm getting another one. I ordered a frame for my king size Casper mattress. The old frame, I had lost some parts of it. And one of the legs had broken. And so I ordered a new frame. They sent me two frames. Amazon did.

I got an extra king size frame. Look at you! I'm like, maybe we finally employ the bedroom. Right? Not a bedroom, but a bed room. Multiple beds. The entire room is king-sized beds

on matching mattresses. Oh, man, that's really dumb. That's well said. I didn't know where you were going with that. So you want to have side-by-side king beds. 3D. 3D?

I have only one more to go. It's just wide, though. Yeah. Bedroom. Same reason Shaq has that Superman heart-shaped bed or L-circle, a big circle bed. He has something like that. Just because you've got money to burn. Yeah, Bill gets his trampoline room.

Well, I have extra beds. We'll all cram them all into one room, make a bedroom. Why are you've got money to burn. Yeah, Bill gets his trampoline room. Well, I have extra beds. We'll all cram them all into one room. Why are you hating on my dream? I mean, you do you, Boo Boo. I'm just saying, maybe not the most prudent use of a room. Anyway, talking about prudent things, Kyle. We're talking about the Bible.

And I know Tucker isn't saved. So, hopefully this compels him. So today I'm going to tell the story of Samson. My mom loves this segment. Samson is an Old Testament figure. And most people think, ah, I know Samson, can't cut your hair, gets with Delilah, nay nay. They don't know the whole story of Samson.

Strong man. It's longer, but there aren't necessarily more lessons you got to look for so it begins in the prequel stage of samson you know going to his parents so as with many things for the jews they did something that pissed god off and god said fuck you you're going out of my presence again go be slaves to some other people and so there some time into that all the the Israelites and Jews are really upset and just waiting for that next judge or prophet to come down and pull them out of this muck. And so one day, this guy named, the fuck was his name, Manoah, we're going to call him Manoah from

now on for short. Manoah and his wife were just a random, poor couple, a couple of Jews, very poor Israelites. And one day an angel came down in angel form to meno's wife and said hey you're about to give birth to someone who's going to totally change the direction of this tribe and she's like oh that's awesome and he's he says yeah yeah it is now all you got to do is make sure you don't smoke don't drink don't eat any grapes nothing fermented no uh mixed fabrics you know you're you're a jew you know the rules she goes yeah i know i got it all planned out uh just don't do any of that and then you'll have a son he's going to do some fantastic things

angel poops away she goes back to her husband mayno and is like you will not believe what happened and i'm gonna read in the niv bible the new international version this is exactly what she says and i'm gonna say it in trump's voice because it makes sense a man of god came to me he looked like an angel of god very awesome that's that's what she said in the bible she goes up says it was very awesome and the husband goes oh my god so all you got to do is like not drink or smoke or anything and then this kid's gonna come out good she goes yeah he goes all right well all you got to do is like not drink or smoke or anything. And then this kid's going to come out good. She goes, yeah. He goes, all right. Well, like, what do we do afterward? Like when the kid's here, how do we raise him then? She goes, oh, I didn't ask him

that shit. Like, should we call him back? It's like an angel. He can't call him back. And so he, he goes to the temple praise and goes, please send someone else here and tell us how to raise the kid. Like we get it. Don't make a little fetal alcohol syndrome baby. But after he's born, how do we make sure he becomes a good dude and does all the things you want? And so a few days later, a man, regular old-looking man, really an angel, comes down the road, talks to Maino, goes, hey, you know, the Lord pushed me to come to you and tell you that all you have to do for your child

is make sure that a razor never touches his head or any part of his body. A razor isn't like shaving, you know, removing hair. And also make sure that your wife abides by all those rules I said before. And he was like, okay, yeah, it's not that helpful, but you are just a guy. You're not an angel. So I guess this is how God wants me to figure it out. Okay, whatever. He doesn't know this guy's an angel. He goes, well, at the very least, let me be hospitable. Stay with me for dinner. And the angel, who's not letting on, goes, no, I don't want to stay for dinner.

He goes, I insist. You must stay for dinner. And the angel goes, I have a goat. We'll kill the goat, and we'll eat it together. He goes, I'm not going to stay for dinner, but if I do stay, as you're asking me, take that goat and sacrifice it to the Lord. And Mano is like, oh, uh, oh yeah, like, like this goat, like my only goat. You want me to burn my own? Do you look around? Do you, we don't have a lot of goats. We've got one goat. This is our

food for the next month. Can't be fiddle fucking our goats to death. Yeah, no, we, we have one goat. Like I was planning on eating this for a while, but yeah, I guess I'll just burn it. I'll just burn it for God, because you're telling me to. Have you looked around my house? Have you looked around my one-bedroom, dirt-floor, thatched-roof house? Do you smell salmon in here? We don't have any fish.

That's my wife's Bronze Age pussy you're smelling. It's horrible in here. We have nothing to eat, and you're asking me to sacrifice this goat and burn it to you. And so he goes, he burns the goat begrudgingly. And he also burns some grain with it because the Lord is notorious for needing a side. And after all that is burned, the guy just leaves. They're hungry. And nine months later, out pops Happy Samson, ready to take on the world. And as with most Bible stories, it doesn't talk about the childhood.

It goes straight to the adulthood of the character. So now we're like early 20s, like pussy slaying Samson. Like he's got long hair like a rock star. And so he's – Oh, he's Fabio. Perfect. He's Fabio. Picture him like that, a little more matted and nasty and a beard because he can't you can't shave anywhere and so he is no manscaping yeah yeah and so he is oh god he's trolling around

this city of timna looking for strange and he comes across this lady and he's totally infatuated with her he fucking loves her and so he goes but she's a philistine that's the problem she's not jewish she's a philistine and they are very much in competition with each other right now, these two tribes. And the Philistines are much stronger and larger. And so it's not something you want to tango with. my wife so i need you to go there and get her for me because that was back when women were treated appropriately as property instead of like having to pretend to care about what they say and so now they go uh the dad goes oi vey son you're gonna go and find someone who's not jewish my goodness no that's funny a good women right around here look at rachel and he goes rachel she looks like looks like a fucking sundial with that schnoz no i'm not going for rachel i'm going for that philistine woman that sexy bitch right over there and so the dad goes okay yeah i'll back that they all he goes back

to the family on the way it goes back to the woman's family he's interested in in order to relay to her that all right wedding's on and on the way he's by himself a lion leaps out of the brush comes to attack him the lord imbues himues him with that strength that he has from his hair, and he tears the lion apart, like the way you would a goat, was the example in the Bible, which apparently is like, you ready for goat? No. And so he tore the lion apart, left it there,

and miraculously, if I killed a lion, that would be in my Tinder bio, that would be in my tinder bio that would be in my twitter bio that would be my permanent facebook status it would be on my on my resume everyone would know he didn't tell anyone and it was weird because he was a braggadocious fella and he continues on tells his woman hey wedding's on i gotta go back to my people grab my posse my friend's family and then we'll meet you back here, have the whole shindig. So he heads back, grabs his family, and as they're moving back towards the wedding party, which is they're going to the woman's place in Philistine, the Philistinian territory, I don't know what it would be called. And on the way back, they see that same lion carcass.

And the lion carcass is decomposed a bit. And there are bees swarming all around it and so samson in what it can only be described as a an insane person's goes over to the hollowed out carcass of this line where the bees are dips his hands into the carcass and retrieves two big old handfuls of honey and so the rest of the walk there he's eating honey out of his hands on the way to his own wedding. And to set the stage, this is a man who lives

in the year one who has never showered, he has never been allowed to cut a hair from his head, and he's eating honey out of his hands on the way to his wedding. There's never been a stickier human being in history than Samson on this walk. It's like, it's not bad enough that you have i live 500 years before christ shits every day you're gonna eat two handfuls of honey on the way to your wedding you goddamn maniac and so

and so he eats his honey it's disgusting and sticky uh by the time he he gets there they get there though and it goes off without a hitch for the most part. Like, the dad, Samson's dad was, like, pissed because he was like, you're going to associate with these uncircumcised folks? But Samson, like, convinced him. He's like, Dad, believe it or not, it never crossed the minds of these savages to bring a sharp stone to the genitals of young boys. It's like, oh, that's horrific. It's terrible.

It's like, oh, I'll get over it, you know. And so they get over it, and they have the wedding. It's a, oh, that's horrific. It's terrible. It's like, oh, I'll get over it, you know. And so they get over it and they have the wedding. It's a nice little occasion. And after the wedding, after the wedding, they're all sitting around in a powwow. And Samson goes to the relatives of his wife, the Philistines, and goes, hey, I'll tell you. I'll tell you a riddle. And if you can riddle me that, I'll give you 30 outfits of linen. If you can't figure it out, though, you've got to give me 30 outfits of linen.

And they're like, seems like a pretty reasonable thing. All right, let's do it. And so he tells the riddle of, and I read it, out of the eater, something to eat. Out of the strong, something sweet. Now, obviously, this was him talking about out of the strong something sweet now obviously this was him talking about out of the eater the lion honey comes that's sweet and out of the lion something strong you know something sweet like that that kind of shit but it's cheating you can't make a riddle based on an

experience that only you know about and then expect people to understand. Like, that's like the self-actualization of a two-year-old where you think if you saw something, everybody's seen it and everybody will get it. Like, that's retardation. So my contention is that he was cheating. Okay. Yeah, he was cheating from the start is my contention. Samson was. He was giving a riddle in bad faith.

It's like playing peekaboo and covering your own eyes. Yeah. It's like, Hey Woody, I've got an interesting riddle about my seventh grade birthday party. Now, you know, no one knew the details or the, you know, the tendrils going out, that'll give you hints. Like it's, it's not fair. And so he gives this riddle and nobody can figure it out because they weren't there. And so like two days later, the family of the woman go, Hey, you got to get this fucking riddle because I don't know if you've looked around, but we're not exactly running a fucking courtyard Marriott. We don't have linen to hand out. Like we took this assuming we know the riddle.

We're pretty good riddlers, but we don't have any linen. We're going to be humiliated and embarrassed. And we're not really on friendly terms with the rest of their tribe, just this family now. And so she goes, OK, I'll go do it. And so for the next five days, the word nag is used in the Bible. She nags and cries and bitches for so many days in a row that eventually Samson on the last day goes, yeah, okay, okay, the answer is the lion.

The answer is the lion and honey inside it, okay? Please, oh, my God, week one, week one of our marriage. Golly, I should have listened to my parents, you dumb whore. And he's furious and 20 minutes later she leaves 20 minutes later all the philistines come back and they're like uh samson we figured out your riddle and he's like i did you did you know did you figure out my riddle what is it and so they told they told him what is sweeter than honey what is stronger than lion which apparently was the two questions that aren't a riddle or the answer to a riddle that was two questions that were

Nah, the ancient people didn't understand what riddles were He answered the question request anyway. Yeah, and so they give him that and he goes Cheated you cheated. I just gave my wife that answer and she went and gave it to you. And so Samson stood up calmly and then he murdered 30 people with his bare hands he went around the camp and he murdered 30 people and then he left saying someday i'll get my vengeance. So at this point, Samson is a terrorist at this point.

He does not take kindly to those other folks. And so from there, Samson is Jewish. He killed the terrorists. Correction. He spends some time mulling his own shit over in the desert or whatever while everybody else goes back. He eventually returns home and goes to his dad.

Hey, I want to talk to my wife. He goes, your wife? That Philistine woman who lied to you and you killed 30 of her family members? No, when I was leaving, I said I gave her to someone else. Like, no, that's not your wife anymore. And Samson goes, God, fucking bullshit. Well, then I definitely need to get my vengeance. You know, she's dead to me.

And so he does what any sane person would do. He's got to get vengeance on these Philistines. They're stronger. They're more powerful. What do you do? What you do is you go into the woods and you catch 300 foxes. 300 foxes. Have you ever tried to catch one foxes. 300 foxes. Have you ever tried to catch one fox?

It's fucking impossible. You're not going to catch 300 foxes. It's insanity. And so he catches 300 foxes. And then he does another sane thing. He takes them two by two and ties their tails together. And then once he has 150 paired off, paired off fox pairings, you know, very hard to manage. He puts torches in the night and ties those into the tails and lights them and releases

them all over Philistine territory and all of their crops. And so the next morning when they wake up, they're like, there's a lot of burned foxes and no crops left, and there's a torch in all the foxes' tails. And this is very methodically done. A serial killer is in our midst. Is this that terrorist Samson? Is this that terrorist Samson that we're all so scared of all the time with the strength of 10 men and the temperament of a one-year-old?

Is this the man? And so they're terrified of Samson because he just destroyed everything. And so the Philistines go back and they go to the woman that he initially married, the Philistine woman and her father. And they're so mad, they just burn them too. Probably with the last remaining pair of foxes running around. And they burn those two to death. And then... I'm trying to remember what happened here, sorry.

It's so in-depth. Oh, yeah, I remember. Now, yeah, you couldn't just throw torches. You didn't want to throw a torch. When you could swing two foxes around like a madman and hurl them. And after he did this, after he did all the fox shenanigans,

he went and retreated into a cave in the wilderness and just hung out there. And so after that, all the Philistines, like a few thousand of them, are like, this is horse shit. We are marching to the Jewish camp of Judea, and we're going to make them give us Samson.

So they march over there, and they go, where the fuck is Samson? He just tied a bunch of hundreds of, hundreds of foxes together and burned our crops down after killing 30 of us for cheating on a cheat riddle of his and they go we don't know where he is frankly we'd be happy if you caught him he's causing a lot of mischief and he's not reflecting well he's terrible pr we're a very small tribe and he's causing a lot of mischief out there and people keep coming up to us and they go okay well we believe you we're

gonna search anyway they search they go all right we totally believe you but we're way stronger than you so while we're here we're just gonna conquer you they're like ah fuck we should have seen that coming and so they got conquered right there too and so then a thousand jews from judea go to that cave and they go to samson and they go we got got to turn you in. And Samson's like, you couldn't turn me in if you wanted to, but here, how about this? You tie me up and you bring me back there to those thousands of, uh, of guys. And you say, we got him. We got the guy for you. He's right here. And then I'll burst out of there. And then they go, yo, dude, that's an incredible idea. And then like, then like Noah, you can's an incredible idea. And then like, Noah, you can

throw him a sword. And Ezekiel, you can throw him a shield. And Samson goes, no, no! I'll use the jaw of an ass. And then they all go, yeah, whatever you want to do, man. Just remember,

we're on your team. And he goes, yeah, jaw of an ass. This is a good idea. And so they take him over there, bound up. And they get him close enough to the Philistines. And they go, here he is. And he gets close and he bursts out with his ass bone jaw and smashes a thousand of them to death. A thousand people he murders with the jawbone of an ass.

He was right. Yeah. And as they're watching it, Ezekiel's like, well, we appear quite the fools. He really didn't need the sword and shield. And so after he's finished massacring a thousand people, dripping with blood, not like in movies like Braveheart or Predator,

where there's like drips of their own blood a little bit. I mean like half a second after you get out of the pool, that level of drippage in blood. There's a snail trail of all blood types smeared around this land. And he comes back up to them. And all the Jews are like, frankly, Samson, half an hour ago, we were ready to turn you in. Never before has there been such a political turn in an environment. Raise your hand if you don't want Samson to be in charge. Everyone wants you to be in charge, Samson.

And so Samson, dripping with blood, decides he's going to be in charge. And so after that, though, he decides he needs a little more, just a touch more vengeance. Jesus Christ! All they did was cheat on a riddle, for fuck's sake. It's insane. Dude, that's all throughout the Old Testament. They'll be like,

ah, and someone of the Ammonites stole a goat. And the Jewish Old Testament God is like, and he smout 50,000 of them for it. It's insane. But it now gets to the point that people are more familiar with. Samson and Delilah. So a little more time passes, and he falls head over heels for this lady Delilah. And she's a fox. Like, back in the day, they were the Brangelina of the day.

It wasn't like a relationship. Everybody fucking knew Samson was plugging Delilah. The Philistines go to Delilah and are like, hey, you got to give us info on how he gets his strength because we got to get rid of this. The Philists, we're rightly looking for vengeance here. We've lost thousands of people to this madman. Look at that.

We don't know where he is. We're whispering right now. He's terrifying. They basically convince her to be on like a little secret agent. And so she goes to him one night after they bang, and she goes, Samson, what gives you all your strength? And he goes, well, if they'd only known to tie my hands with seven unused bow strings, they would have never had that problem. I would have been as weak as any other man.

And so during the night, she tied his hands with four unused bow strings, they would have never had that problem. I would have been as weak as any other man. And so during the night, she tied his hands with four unused bow strings, woke up to, or seven, I'm sorry, seven unused bow strings, and the Philistines are there waiting, ready, anticipating picking him up, and he wakes up, bursts out, and murders a dozen or so of them. You know, this time in self-defense, fair enough. And then I guess they go back to bed being like, why I ought to, you know, to Delilah. And the next day, he tells her to rinse and repeat.

Why would you lie to me last night? And he doesn't ask, why'd you try to have me murdered and captured? He just goes with it because he's an idiot. And he goes, all right, well, if you use like brand new rope, that'll get me. They've only ever used used rope on me. That's why I can burst out.

And so they do that. again bursts out and the 12 anticipating and terrified philistines we know what happens here guys we didn't want to be here oh we're group two it's always four that gets them like we saw what you did just now. Oh, the bodies are still here. Samson, I told you to move, though. And so he murders all of them. Then, I guess Delilah once again gets off scot-free.

The next thing he tells her, if you braid my hair in this way, I'll be helpless. So she does that. The third group of a dozen or so Philistines stand up. He's like, I'm not even tied up this time. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. And he beats the shit out of them, kills them. And then finally she badgers him enough that he goes, my hair.

My hair is the source of my strength. If you cut it off, I got nothing. Jesus Christ, will you shut the fuck up? Samson has terrible choice in women, but it's good to see some things never change so the next day he's sleeping or the next evening he's sleeping

she snips his hair off then the Philistines come in and he stands up to fight them and he's just a normal dude now he doesn't have his superpowers God said I'm only interested in lustrous locks you know that's all I'm in for and so they come in they pin him down they immediately gouge his eyes

out and blind him, so he can't be a threat anymore. And then they drag him off and they give Delilah all sorts of sweets and spoils. And so then they take him blind and beaten and a regular man, and they put him on a grain mill, where you're just walking, like what they would use donkeys for. Like you're just pushing this thing around and around and around.

And he does that for months. And I guess everybody forgot let's give this guy regular haircuts because a couple months later there's a big philistine celebration much similar to when we caught bin laden like like like everybody's like yeah we got him we got him yeah like they're all in this big beautiful building all the philistines there's 3 000 people on the roof and all the elites underneath and they say bring out samson bring him out bring out this murderer this murder and they're jeering at him because everyone there has someone they know who's been murdered by this animal and they put him up there they throw stuff

at him and they go god get out of here and he collapses you know his hair's gotten a little longer though and he stands up still blind and he goes you know his hair's gotten a little longer though and he stands up still blind and he goes please let me lean up against a pillar and so they put him up against a pillar to lean there and he summons god and says god with my last act please let me bring this down upon the philistines and so he puts one hand on one pillar one hand on the other and he uses his last bit of strength and collapses it and murders another 5 000 philistines with his final breath well this is the story that i used to guide my entire life in the words of kyle yeah seems just yeah tucker wasn't a believer before that story no now five minutes of that story i was like i'm bored and then it just samson you know he really just kept going huh

i wonder i wonder if after about 7 000 murders if he felt like he had gotten revenge for them cheating on the riddle yet i can't believe somebody would cheat on this riddle yeah if there was ever a uh if there was ever a time to think man the bible is what a wonderful story that could be animated made into it's now i want to see an animated bible series that and joe i'm pretty sure it was oh was it it was a movie a live action movie i saw it i don't want a live i don't remember quite like that i want old sorry that one took so long but i wanted to start from the birth you made up for it you made up for it it really came to fruition i enjoyed it thank you and i hope you learned something i mean i knew samson is strong ass dude and killed a lot

of people but i was unaware that he literally slaughtered thousands of people with the jaw of an ass, which is just not, like, out of all the weapons that you could kill people with. That's a—like, wouldn't you get tired around 200, 250? You're like, damn, I've got 750 more of these to brain. Yeah, it wasn't just physical strength. It was like that hair was giving cardio points for sure. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know what life lesson I'm supposed to take from that,

but my wife cheated in Uno one time, and I feel like I've got some killing to do. Kill her family! But did you murder all of her Facebook friends? Yeah, that's really wild. Not yet. But after that, to really get it, you've got to murder the friends and people you may know of their friends.

She's not on Facebook. Like the suggested follows on Twitter. You you got to murder the friends and people you may know of their friends she's not on facebook like the suggested follows on twitter you gotta get them thankfully my wife is not on the internet at all really she lives an offline life so isn't that a great thing when you meet a girl and like you talk about internet stuff and they're like yeah i don't really do that as much and And you're like, oh, bless your heart. Yeah. Yeah, I like it because it means that the people who watch this show don't have a reach to her. Yeah. Yeah, that's true too. I didn't do it. I bounce back and forth between I want you to be up to date with internet culture, but I don't want you to be the same level as me. Like, I want to be able to show you my favorite memes and you can appreciate them for what they are,

but you're not like, oh, I've already seen that. I saw that when it came out. Don't talk to me. You know what I mean? I want a tasteful amount of internet content needs to be consumed. I can't do Amish. If you're Amish, I can't have sex with you or date you.

Well, they probably wouldn't. No, they would during that, like, because, you know, Amish people, they go on that, like, crazy bananas thing. Yeah, for, like, a couple months. Amish gone wild? It's a reality show. Wait, you just made me think. You know how we have, like, Naked and Afraid where you take people from, like, middle America and you put them on an island naked and afraid? Can we do, like, like... Clothes and comfortable like plugged in and up to date where we take amish people and we put

them into like the middle of new york with all the cell phones and porn they could want and they did that there was a reality tv thing i think it was exposed as fake but that's like a real thing like it's called a rum sprinker yeah and they spend, is it a year, Taylor? How long do they get to go? It's a year that they spend. I'm on the Wikipedia page. I don't know this off the top of my head. It's a year that they spend outside of the group to make sure that they want to return to being Amish or Mennonite or whatever.

And all of them go back. That's nice to give them the option, though. They get to make an educated choice, right? That's nice to give them the option, though. They get to make an educated choice, right? Yeah, but then the fact that almost all of them go back is worrying because it maybe signifies a little bit of long-term abuse. No, I think a lot of it is like they've got a much more pure and simple view of the world,

and to someone who hasn't been exposed to the stuff we see online or in pop culture, that would be shocking and seem like very degenerate and upsetting in a way. And after a year of that, I don't – and also their family is there. And so I would think that after a year, a good deal of them would be like, oh, man, well, this was a fun year, but I like the way we live. The same thing happens in the Catholic Church. The priests have sex with adult women for a year, but almost all of them go back to young boys. What did you say?

That's what I thought you were going to say. I don't think there's a very big crossover between the priests who are fucking adult women and the ones who are fucking young boys. Can't they just try it on for size to see if that's their preference? I think those are Venn diagrams. That's how much.

Yeah. Oh, God. Well, does anybody else have a Bible story? No, but I appreciate that you brought it. That was really good. Oh, so I don't know if this is a fun topic or not, but NYU, New York University, I think, their school of medicine is offering a free ride to all med students. Nice.

Yeah. I mean, so it's NYU. It's not a private university, so it is taxpayer funded, right? I'm not 100% sure. I'm going to go with that assumption. It sounds like a state school. It's got New york in it i mean uh depending on i'm sure there's like limitations for how far away you have to you know like you are um it is

kind of interesting that nyu would be the the university to do that considering new york has such a good robot well i don't know where nyu is but i was going to say New York City has such a good public transit system that I feel like that's not necessary. I don't think that NYU is in New York City though, now that I think about it. Tucker, I don't think they're offering free rides to class. I think they're offering no tuition.

I think it's funny that Tucker didn't get that. Oh! Yeah, a, yeah. A free ride is a... Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Anyways. I was like, we're going to spend like an hour on this ride. That's a wings-ism. Tucker, you've gone full wings. I was like, well, that's a wings ism you tucker you've gone full ways my head i was like well that's just really convenient to offer free rides because like parking is probably pretty rough up there you know i don't know all right you can have a free ride worth 110 000 or you can have free uber upwards of 1200 for your four years here. I don't know, man.

The Uber seems pretty good. Apparently NYU has seen a couple things. One, they would like to get their students there. You don't want to pick your doctors based on how wealthy your parents are. So now they offer free rides regardless of merit, which I thought was pretty neat. Was it not the norm?

No, it seems like a lot of scholarships have like, your parents have to be broke and you can't have any money in your accounts. And a lot of your scholarships are sort of need-based or you're like a particular kind of person. Then one in New Jersey, there's literally a scholarship for children of toll collectors. Right.

No, there's scholarships for everybody. But I'm saying, is it not already, if you are talented enough, no matter what your socioeconomic standing is, you're going to be offered a scholarship. This is all students, though. Apparently, NYU is now tuition free. They're med school. It's a thing that they're trying on. tuition free. They're med school. It's a thing that they're trying on.

And people were choosing, because I guess it says here, the average student graduated with $180,000 of debt. So they would come out choosing specialties, not necessarily based on where their passion and skills lied, but was based on what was most lucrative. Yeah, because they have all that debt to deal with.

So who's paying for it? that's a good question the answer is the home depot co-founder ken langhorn a billionaire investor stanley drunken miller drunken miller and black rock chairman ceo larry fink so it's mostly private yeah so i mean there's no downsides this. It's private entities funding, I guess, private slash public education. A couple of multi-millionaires and billionaires decided that what they wanted to do with their money was make med school free for students. Makes sense to me. Yeah.

I don't know. I think it's pretty neat. Hopefully it opens the doors to med school to talented people who couldn't otherwise afford it, I guess. I think they should still offer free Uber rides, though. I feel like that's still a valuable component to this. And if it's only $1,200 a year... No, you're not going to work this in. They could call it Rides for Rides.

You know, the free ride for the free ride. This is amazing, guys. It's really funny. You know, you never know where these are going to go. I love that that happened. You're welcome. This Detroit politician, this isn't political, this is just funny. This Detroit politician is being called on to apologize. It's a black woman

and an Asian woman running, and she's being asked to apologize for saying don't vote for the Ching Chong. Jesus. Wow. She said don't vote for the Ching Chong. That was part of her slogan? No. I mean, she

said it enough for it to be here. Oh, don't vote for the ching chang in fairness the other ones was make america ching chang again oh she's i guess she mixed ching chang and ching chong uh to multiple vote to multiple voters outside polling precincts don't vote for ching chang it's like what oh her name actually was chang oh oh but she referred to chang as ching chang and said things like you don't belong here and i want you out of my country it seems a little racist yeah just a little bit oh you know you i'd feel like if you were part of a minority that was generally insulted in that way you'd probably

not be predisposed to doing the same thing you know i was wondering if they're republicans or democrats this must be primary because they're both no no no it says it it says the the person who's being accused is a democrat and she is and she has to it's like a democratic primary it looks like yeah yeah it's a primary, so they're both Democrats. Well, we're so proud. That popped up on Twitter, like, how could you, how could that get, how many yes-men, she has more yes-men around her

than Conor McGregor, where she's like, I'm gonna stand outside the polling place and go, don't vote for Ching Chang. Whoa. What? That's catchy. I like it. Honestly, it's got a good ring to it. That's good. Can you add a little more punch? Yeah, okay. Ching Chong. There it is. That's the one.

Perfect. Take it to the streets. What if her running mate was Chong, though? What if they were like Ching and Chong? And they do that kind of thing where they lean back to back? And then she called her campaign volunteers Ching Chongs. I call them Chinging chongs that's what they are it's a quote oh ching chong we can't even keep it straight jesus uh yeah that's a pretty um that's a hot take right there betty cook scott yeah

i don't think miss scott's too pleased with uh how this panned out for who knows i don't fucking care about this little race. I just thought that was funny on Twitter. Little race, you get it? Oh, there you go. Did you guys see this face transplant shit? Oh, yes. Yeah, link it. Because I wanted to talk about it because Nat Geo did a little biography on it.

All I can say is thank God she's blind. Oh, hell no. Well, it's... What? She looks like a cartoon character. It looks like they went to, like, a Michelin store and just cut the face off the mascot and then used that.

There's a family guy. She's trying to have a fucking cartoon. What's a family guy? And's trying to have a fucking cartoon. What's a family guy? And Lois, I don't know. This is... Lois, I can't see. I don't want to be mean. She was really attractive prior to killing...

It's almost a shame that she... She went from a nine to a two, a one. What happened? She tried to kill herself and she shot her face off oh god it's really sad which is why you have to joke about it because if you confronted the reality of this it would be

it would not be a fun thing to talk about do we want to spend time on someone who shot their own face off though let's talk about that alright I feel like maybe there's someone out there who like someone else shot their face off yeah right like like like all right we got two people who need faces who are they well there's kimmy over there she was shot by a drive-by gang member and lost her face but only about a quarter of it and then jesse over there she shot her own face off but it's pretty much the whole thing's gone it's the ape the ape. The girl or the woman that got her face ripped off by the ape,

she's one of them. No, but she, in a way, deserved that because it wasn't made known in the story as much that she was given Xanax and wine to this monkey. That's all that was keeping it from going on a rampage. It didn't work. She was giving zannies. She was giving bars to the monkey.

He was like, here, you take this. This monkey was barred out of its mind. You're going to go listen to Lil Peep and enjoy your captivity. I was reading this story and didn't keep up. Where did the monkey come from? The monkey is a different story? This is not a monkey. This is an attempted suicide story.

Gotcha. Which is really sad on its own because it's like, you know, every moment of every day, this person is regretting that decision being like, now I kind of do want to live, but I have no quality of life when I could have been so happy. Did you look at this article carefully and see the face transplant donor? Because I see the resemblance. Yeah. Yeah.

So at the top, there's a picture of her before and after. And near the bottom, below the magazine, you can see the donor. And it's like, yeah, yeah, I see the donor in the recipient. Like, there's a resemblance there. Then they let a four-year-old attach it, and all that went to pot. I'm, you know, honestly, looking at the...

I want to... Oh, God, this is so bad so bad like i need to see it before and after no i need first no i need to see like a before and after as in like a real like what did it look like prior to putting the face on you do see the magazine cover right you only see the side profile oh oh the magazine cover is the side profile yeah so yeah you can only imagine but it's not good no so that's that's the one that i saw on my instagram feed a couple days ago when i first woke up which made my day starting in a way that i didn't want it to um but i like they did a good

job i all she's not what's worse and i'm only imagining this is i bet her face doesn't move quite right right faces if they don't move quite right humans are very particular in picking that up we all know that woody that's her best angle right you know how those instagram girls spend like 30 minutes making sure that they have i don't know i don't think they did lighting on my chin and the definition on my ass has to be simultaneously perfect. She did that. All right, this is her best angle. This is ideal lighting.

It's not. They literally took it to be the exact same angle as before photo. This is not her best angle. But she has forward lighting. If you look at that. Oh, the lighting is great. Yeah. It's definitely a top down, but I'm saying that the specific angle they took.

It's not a top down. There's like a ring light on that photo they probably have 14 lights on there you know i've done photo shoots all right there's never just i just wanted to make fun of the freak i didn't want this to be a photography discussion i'm just looking there's no shadows under her eyebrows oh like google imaged face transplant before after this is the saddest page of results i've ever seen in my entire life i'm not hanging out here so we can all hang out with the uh with you just put it in here i think they did a great job i but i don't know what they were working with prior like it was there no was the face just was it there was no nose right yeah i mean all that was off i do agree with kyle that they should definitely prioritize the

people who got their faces blown off in like an animal accident or uh or like was attacked you know hey the the the one on the honestly every single one except for the one that we're looking at is way better like they do some insane work i never know whether to believe those pictures i think it's like the before and after you see on so many different products and uh and and situations like whether it's alex jones like bone broth oh yeah or some late night you don't believe that one i don't believe it turned red the one on the left looks like an extraterrestrial i my image is is too small to see the full scope of this horror so i'm just gonna just not click that that's that's that's deserving that poor man that poor yeah he i'm i'm saying that most of the ones that are like

reconstructive and or look like third degree i mean honestly it's the burns that are hard to fix right like burns yeah wouldn't you like we seems like we talk about it a lot but like i feel Honestly, it's the burns that are hard to fix, right? Like burns, skin grafts. It seems like we talk about it a lot, but I feel like we all kill ourselves if we become this guy, right, Tucker? I know these guys are going to kill themselves. I've never been in a place where I've been like, you know, this is an option. But if my life, my quality of life was so severely degraded that... Your dick doesn't

work and your face looks like that. This is your life now. Also, just saying, the stream isn't doing so hot these days. The one I just linked, they turned out burn victim. Your new face is funny. Turns out nobody really wants to watch me play Fortnite anymore.

When you laugh, it makes children cry now. Yeah, that'd be really tough i mean we don't do we not have assisted suicide in the u.s no we don't and if you cry too hard blood comes out i mean you're not telling me always just out of everywhere just not even just your eyes right blood runs out of your nose your eyes your mouth. The one I just linked, they did so well, they turned this burn victim into Lena Dunham. She looks very similar to Lena Dunham in the after pic, doesn't she? I don't know that person, but I'm showing it to everyone so they get your joke. You know me.

That's all right. Well, I didn't want to click this. What's wrong with her before I? Why is it so... I didn't expand the picture. I just saved it and sent it to you I gotta admire you know like the mental fortitude it must take to be I mean I'm assuming they're all blind but also to do that and live you know what I mean i yeah it's no choice i mean like in all seriousness this is like the saddest topic the worst thing is like worse i don't think still photos show the horror right it's not until they smile and they look like they have bells palsy the horror no you're

only getting a glimpse of it in a still shot when they smile and it's wildly asymmetrical or only one side works so their eyes don't crinkle like they're supposed to or crow's feet or something like like there's a lot of weird like unnatural poorly applied Botox shit going on in these faces I think it's doing a great job in being horrific

it is I'm feeling great we're talking about well I mean these topics always make you feel a little better about your face so yeah right uh it's like it's an original an original 91 taylor wow what you don't want is a fucking 2018 leprechaun man which is what that is that's awful that's the worst thing i can It looks like an extraterrestrial from that scary alien movie that I'm always talking about. The fourth kind. When they're just surrounding you in your bed,

cutting on you and stuff. That's what that guy looks like. He looks like the third... It looks like if you oven-baked chicken for too long without breading it. I bet it's oily, too. I bet their pores do weird things. I bet they sweat blood.

Or, like, when they're... Instead of their face getting oily, it gets, like, pussy. They sweat blood? I'm just making this up, Taylor. But, yeah, like, the worst things you can imagine. No, I choose to believe it. They hooked up the wrong plumbing.

They cry. They cry piss. You cry piss. They sweat blood. Yeah, you're just... They sweat piss. Like, ah, shit, I really fucked up. They bleed tears.

Nobody will loan me a tissue anymore. How the hell do I pee tears? And I always have to pee. You kill yourself. That's just not worth it. The quality of life is non-existent there, for me, in my opinion. First of all, just being blind sucks. Just being blind would suck but even if you're like a good looking blind guy with like no other issues and somehow you're supporting yourself as a blind man which

seems like it struck me i don't think i want to go on anywhere really if you were just blind but you still everything else was normal you would kill yourself like there are tons of blind people who are have like that are happy What do they do with their fucking day like like when's the last time they watched the Sopranos answer never all right? Like I don't know what they're doing. They're just like I'll see you when you get home from work You want to play some cards kill some time. I mean maybe put a puzzle together I mean you want to watch some old Seinfeld reruns. I mean, uh, you want to go for a drive? I mean, walk? No, I spend most of my days listening to rats skittering around in the wall.

Nobody else can hear them, but rest assured I can. It's not upsetting. What do you do if you're blind? What is your fun day? Like, what are you doing today? Ah, I'm gonna go stagger around the park. Or they tell me it's a park. Stagger around the park. Blind people probably hate that now when

they go to public bathrooms they can hear the women shitting just tore that barrier down distinction as a blind person well i think that they they would be able to i mean i've seen daredevil once 12 years ago so i think i know how it would work right i don't know i think i it wouldn't work at all because i would kill myself like the first week like i do a little research maybe call some specialists like really never never not even one of those robot eyes i always see in the movies like like like i i just watch hardcore henry he had one it was cool like no no definitely not like not anytime soon either like not even in the next decade really not even close to that technology bang like like i can't go on i

want to see things i want to see things seeing things is very important to me i'd much rather be deaf much rather be deaf um at least i need to play video games or watch technology for that too oh but you'd suck at video games if you couldn't sound whore you know you pick a different game right you pick a different game and uh and i've seen i've seen this really cool representation for a gadget that worked for games like pub g and it's it's like a little ring that sits on your desk flat and it's it's got like like lights that light up in the direction that sound is being transmitted to you and i was like oh man if i were deaf like that might be preferable to sound whoring like it definitely won't be as good in some situations but maybe i i see it like it's like that Tyrannosaurus footprint footsteps in Jurassic Park.

You hear just like a little do something's over there. It starts lighting up. It might be useful for hearing people. Exactly. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I just think I'd much rather be deaf than blind, and I don't think I'd want to continue living if I were blind. But I would continue living if I were deaf. The challenge with deafness is you are so out of it, right?

Like if you're blind, you can still like connect and communicate with other people because that's usually done verbally. But if you're deaf, you were just not in the group. You'd have to exist in the subculture of deaf people. Also, that's really. Go ahead, Tucker. Oh, I was going to say the subculture of... My best friend's brother is deaf. The subculture of deaf people is so concrete and set in stone that there's, like, an incredibly hateful pushback

if you do take elective surgery to get yourself partial or full hearing. You know, like, that's so ingrained in their culture. Oh, that's pretty sad. You don't know this? I mean, yeah. Yeah, because deaf people don't view themselves as broken or defective. They say we're completely fine. We're just like you but not hearing.

There's nothing wrong with me. We just cross the street dangerously. Yeah, so that's just how they do it. I just never know when the burritos are done. I would rather be deaf than blind, and I love music and all that stuff. No, I'm sorry, the other way around. I'd rather be...

You said it, right? No, I'm sorry. I'd rather be able to never hear again than never see again. There's just too much visual activities, pretty much everything you do ever, that would make that such a big stopgap to crossover versus if you're deaf. Like, yeah, you can still communicate, and that's a little bit more meaningful. Yeah, what are blind activities? Clapping in the dark?

That's what I'm getting at, dude. Like, you have to be... like like i don't get it like like if you're a blind dude like you have to be really into getting laid because i don't know what your other like activities are that you can really enjoy it needs to like i feel like sex would be almost as good could be better it could be better i mean people had blindfolds to sex that's the thing we're all we're also doing like really ignorant, can-totally- see-and-can-totally-hear version of it, where I guarantee people out there listening will be like,

no, idiots. Most blind people have some level of sight. It's not just black. And most deaf people can hear some. But for the purpose of this, people understand, we're not nitpicking your disability. We're talking about the pure 100%. No sight or no sound. I not nitpicking your disability we're talking about the pure 100 no sight or no sound i'm nitpicking your disability hey all the deaf people who are

listening to this fuck yourself i'll sign it adam that just came through on some braille also that's the other thing it's like this is the sign like think of all the things you have to relearn if you're blind. You have to learn how to read again. You have to learn how to walk safely, how to eat. Everything you do as a core movement has to be relearned. But if you're deaf, the only thing you have to learn how to do is sign and like pay attention without audio uh it also depends it also depends whether you're stricken deaf or blind or you're born deaf or

are blind because i think that there's a big difference because if you've had it or never had it a person who's like stricken deaf would not be mute of course they would still be able to speak just fine and they would be able to pick up lip reading very quickly, you would imagine. So that person would be in good shape rather quickly. But a person who's stricken blind, oh, that's the worst. Like, at least growing up blind,

you know, it becomes your thing, right? You know, you're echolocating like Batman. You're a burden on society if you're blind. Batman can't echolocate. Well, a Batman can, though. A half-bat, half-man. This is an entirely different fictional being that I'm bringing up now. Maybe a Batman.

Would you rather not have sense of touch or taste over, like, if you had to lose a sense what was what what's the taste before it smell it's gotta be smell yeah and you hope that the smell thing doesn't affect your taste and often those two it does it does so uh i personally know uh there's a streamer who has no sense of smell and very topical story uh i was in it was somebody's birthday and they they rented a house so we were up there hanging out and um said person who has no sense of smell wakes up in the morning after a long night of drinking and stumbles over to the you know the refrigerator and opens it up and grabs a water bottle and takes a big meaty chug. And it's vodka. It's, it's a vodka in the water bottle and throws up everywhere. And you're like, and you're like, okay, understandable. You know, you, you can't

smell. They also just don't care really about eating anywhere. That's not just, you know, an easy place to eat. Cause they don't have that have that you know everything's kind of dull yeah the taste and i never thought about that but with how much i love food i don't know if i in terms of like your day-to-day life smell is the best one to lose but i don't know if i'd want it i think it could be a secret benefit almost to lose taste in that like it would really suck because you can no longer be like man i can never have steak again i could never have this snack i really enjoy cheese it's forever off the table but at the same time it's like now there is nothing in me that says hey grab those chips instead of those carrots or broccoli all right then oh you're right yeah let me done this before why don't you just go

ahead and castrate yourself while you're at it? We'll get all the distractions out of life, and we can just be driven and purposeful. I mean, that's totally different because that's not a sense. It absolutely is. The tree to propose otherwise is retardation, sir. Please, you chop Taylor's nuts off, and he'll be a Democrat. He'll join Antifa. He'll be a soy boy. I'll get a cool shield

and go out there with a baton or a sock with a lock in it I'll be so hot get your ass kicked by some guy with a beard and a plaid shirt for some reason yeah tits and guns I think taste is definitely

the answer get rid of taste no longer being able to fuck, Kyle. That's taking something that's essential for life out. And it's like the essential for life. It's essential for procreation. You don't need it to survive. You don't need it to survive, but you don't need tasty food to survive.

I'd rather have full-feeling sex than taste the rest of my life for sure. Because you could turn the taste thing into a positive is what i'm saying like the blind thing you can overcome it but you're not going to turn it to a positive deaf thing will never become a positive taste you could actually become like a bodybuilder or like the most healthy you can just drink soylent all day every day and you would be fine because everything tastes like soylent at that point you could be healthy and you know you get the point. You could just eat whatever you wanted and it wouldn't matter.

That's like the most You're neglecting the fact that you could easily eat something that's gone bad or some sort of poison or something. No, I still have my sense of sight. Also, you don't completely lose your sense of taste. So it could go the other way, right? No, we're talking about absolutes.

Yeah, this is magic. We were losing our smell, right, in this? So it only had a mild impact. No, we're losing taste. In this magic world, you lose the taste, but you can still smell stuff. You lose the smell, but you can still taste stuff. Yeah. Even though it drops.

Where I was going to head on that is if you lose your smell, you might need to eat the nastiest foods to get any reaction from it. You only want potato chips because of their giant salt, whereas before, maybe the intricacies of the taco would be appealing to you. Or you'd just eat cloves of garlic or something disgusting. Right? But would that be that bad?

I mean, for the people around you, sure. But if you're just munching on cloves of garlic outside of any... I feel like that wouldn't be the worst-case scenario here. Versus if you lost touch and you get lit on fire, you're going to die, probably. Yeah, there are stories. There's a disorder, I don't know what it's called,

where you don't have a sense of touch. Or a sense of pain is the way they say it. And people are always like, oh, that'd be kind of neat, you're like a superhero. It's like, no, what really happens is you bump your leg and you don't realize you hurt yourself or the water is boiling hot or you pick up a pan off the stove not realizing that you're third degree burning your hands right now i told you guys i had that right i mean i mentioned it before my left hand yeah so um i had this giant tumor i don't know if you can see the scar uh it's there anyway in my ulnar nerve

and what that meant was that i had no feeling like through these two fingers and this part of my hand and i was about 17 i was just driving that's how it happened anyway for a while like i remember i burnt it i didn't know i was burning it until i smelled it i found a thumbtack in it one time uh that kind of thing yeah i was just like oh the fuck you like there's a thumbtack in it one time uh that kind of thing yeah i was just like oh the fuck you like there's a thumbtack in here it didn't hurt i just found it and over time the nerves reconnected now it's still dull but it's it's not like it was yeah yeah that's that's that's interesting how the nervous system works like that my dad had a ruptured disc in his back and uh to fix it it seemed crazy at the time i guess it still does because they're still doing it they just cut the

nerve that was making his leg hurt. Like the nerve that ran from his lower back down to his left leg and giving him all the pain. They were just like, well, fuck fixing that disc. If it just didn't hurt, you'd be happy, right? He's like, well, I guess. And then they went snippity-snip. And so like the left side

of his foot was numb for call it eight years or something like that. And he was like, you know, the left side of my foot's numb and it's been numb for eight years. But I don't have that debilitating, excruciating pain anymore. Did he lose the ability to operate anything? Like that was my big issue. Maybe he can't wiggle his pinky toe. I don't know.

Yeah. Well, when that's your pinky, it matters. Oh, yeah. It's definitely different for feet than hands. I was going to say, he wasn't playing pianos with his feet before, so it wasn't that big of a deal. He needs that pinky. Yeah, I know.

People don't know, the pinky and the ring finger, that's where you carry heavy things, and this is where you do your dexterous stuff. So if you were to think about how you might carry a barbell or a suitcase, you'd do that with your pinky and ring finger. And, yeah yeah sucked at that for a while i uh i dated somebody who was born without a um uh a pinky finger like it looked completely normal it looked like like a sims like a sims you know just like like yeah but just didn't

have a pinky finger and i didn't realize like how i mean it wasn't debilitating because obviously you have two hands and whatever but there were quite a few uh amount of times i was like hey can you carry this for me i just can't because i don't have that extra support there and i was like oh that's what the pinky does it's like there to support all the heavy a girlfriend who was this yeah it was a girlfriend wow did you ever get her ironic? Did your cock look huge when she masturbated you with her four-fingered hand? Or did it just look weird? I want to be like, yeah, in comparison to your 80% of a hand, I'm 20% more man. Or was it like a cartoon person's hand, like in Futurama or Simpsons, where they only have four?

Did it hurt as bad? I don't know. When she snuck one in the stink, were you never that afraid because you knew it couldn't get that out of control? Maybe more so, though, because now she's using the ring finger. She's using the ring finger because she has a bigger finger. Or you're just saying because she has fewer fingers. She has fewer fingers.

That never happened, thankfully. The coup de grace was bad. All the fingers that went into my ass were on my own volition. I made sure of that. You could probably take a fisting from a girl with only four fingers. Tucker, verify? A fisting? Probably. Yeah! probably yeah well how would that go which finger's missing again pinky the pinky i wish she was missing a thumb or something no that's still a lot oh no it's less though it's a lot less if this just isn't here see what i've done with my fingers here i've like made them into

threads you want to rotate. I want to say no pinky and I'm about up to the task. Oh, we know how to do it. You should stop doing that. I'm taking poops this big. I woke up one morning and I saw that and I'm doing flashbacks. I remember when I was like,

I guess it was like middle school or early high school where you heard about fisting. You always thought like, and I'm like, oh, that's going to, that sounds awful. And then you find out, ah, of course this isn't the case. No woman wants to get punched in the clam and then puppeted

around like that. I have two women on my back. Now say something stupid. Perfect! Perfect! now say something stupid perfect where do you go from there well it seems like a good time to tell everybody

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$3 off is a lot when you're talking about Smart Mouth or toothpaste. Check them out. Yeah, and I know Woody's wife likes the toothpaste, and I said I also use it every day and so you can get that as well yeah many many stores on amazon i don't know what my wife has never had like she's not one that goes to the dentist and they just say well done that was awesome there's really nothing for us to do here but um after she did the smart mouth toothpaste honestly goodness it was her like most trouble freefree checkup ever perfect yeah yeah this was uh this was years and years ago

but for like a two-year period me and none of my brothers went to the dentist for like some reason it was like near the age where my parents divorced and it was like i'm not gonna go on my own like i was i was like 18 or 19 but i wasn't about to go like if i didn't have to and i've always had very very good oral health the only problem i've ever had is grinding my teeth my wife as far as like yeah as far as cavities and shit like i never get those and then uh my younger brother and my youngest brother we all went in after like two years and i was like oh man i just know i'm gonna have something and i went in went out no cavities i was really proud of myself my younger brother went in had like three and i'm like uh that's not good it's not good but that's not terrible considering it was a couple years uh and

pretty rough you put in work for that well he must have my youngest brother who at the time was probably like 10 or something he did not take good care of his teeth because we've been my grandparents house sometimes like staying in the country for like a week like in the summer to like atv and hunt and shoot and fish or whatever and like by day five be like oh your breath smells terrible and he'd be like yeah i haven't brushed it since we got here i'm like it's we've been here for five days buddy like five days and he didn't do it but anyway that doctor's appointment he came out he had 12 cavities like to the point that like the dentist wanted to talk to my mom like is he does he eat anything but candy does he does he brush his teeth with dr pepper like

it's a real thing to take care of 12 cavities. Anyway, nobody cares. Let's go. My wife is getting veneers. Did you get them? Are you getting them? No, what I have, I have composite shit. That's like the transition phase to veneers because I got them to stop

grinding. Basically, they're like, we're going to mold your teeth into the shape with this composite shit that they will be when you have veneers so that if if they jump straight to veneers that would have been like an extra seven grand and if it didn't work uh it would have been a total waste like if i got the veneers and i was still grinding it would have been a waste they're like all right do this first thing that's like five grand and then it would end up being the same cost anyway because we you know include the cost of the full veneers into that and so you won't lose that much and it'll make sure we get it right and so i

got this like months ago and my grinding has stopped thankfully and so i'm gonna be getting the veneers in like the next year year and a half did the composites make the grinding stop or do you wear like oh so like i wore a retainer at first and then I fell asleep a couple nights without a retainer. I woke up and was like, huh, like my jaw doesn't hurt. Like I did because I used to wake up with jaw pain because I'd be grinding and I'm like, my jaw doesn't hurt. Like everything's OK. Let me keep doing this. And so I haven't worn my retainer in like probably five weeks now and I've never woken up with a sore jaw. And the reason being is they like said my teeth lining up like this now.

They like built them out. So now they actually overlap. And when they try and shift, they don't. Whereas back in the day, it was all into the night. Anyway. Anyway. My wife's getting it done in like a month or two. And it's $15,000. You know who has veneers?

Yeah, that's like what mine was. Like five plus seven. Yeah. It's expensive. But it's good. Like I said, Trevor T. Martin has veneers. Oh, does he? like five plus seven yeah yeah it's expensive but it's good like i said trevor uh t martin has uh veneers oh does he had him for a long time yeah like his entire upper row i think huh yeah he got him knocked i feel like i remember him telling me something about this like 2012 oh yeah she's

excited well one thing about veneers, it wouldn't impact you guys, but if you're older, it fills out your face a little bit when your teeth are slightly bigger, and it takes out wrinkles. And she's like, woo-hoo! So that's a thing. Where does she have to get them?

Like all over the front, or just all over the top, rather, or just the front like six? Oh, I'd have to ask her her i think it's like every tooth i think she has the same deal i just i told her about your story where you know that your molars are all bumpy and everything but but yours are flat uh and she's like yeah yeah i got that i was like i guess i haven't explored them or i don't know i didn't know jackie and i have a lot more in common so we thought.

We could talk for minutes together about that. So she has to have those built up in her own mouth. Her teeth are all going to be enlarged and fixed and veneered and done up. It was one of those things. Have you ever had something fixed, medically or otherwise, where you didn't realize how severe the problem was until you had it fixed? Yeah. That's happened twice in my life. Once with this tooth thing, when i woke up without my jaw being so i never thought my jaw

was sore waking up but then once i started waking up without a sore jaw i'm like oh my god this is how normal people wake up like there's no tension there's nothing you don't have like a tightness in your mandible or whatever and the other time was when like my dad used to get on to me for talk or chewing with my mouth open when I was a little kid because my sinuses were totally fucked. I was always like, how is everybody else breathing and chewing with their mouth closed at the same time? This is impossible. I'd always be like,

really? I couldn't breathe through my nose. Then I went and got surgery and I was like, you sneaky fucks, you've been able to breathe through your noses this whole time. Unbelievable. I was only like seven when that happened. I had that kind of recently. I had sleep apnea.

People don't know that means you snore. It means you snore badly and you sort of stop breathing while you sleep. My dad has sleep apnea. I woke up. The number was outrageous. I went to a sleep study and they said they get two or three people a year with the level of sleep apnea that I had. And I forget the number. I woke up like 70 to 90 times an hour.

It was all the time. And anyway, they put me on this BPAP machine. You've probably heard of a CPAP. A BPAP is just a little more advanced one because I had Olympic-level snoring. And Kyle. Anyway, life changer. Like I would be grumpy. I remember Kyle,

remember we used to like watch movies on Skype together and stuff and I'd fall asleep and snore. You guys would record it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, the challenge was I wasn't sleeping at night

or, you know, I was trying to, but I just wasn't getting restful sleep. And then like after I got on the BPAT machine and, you know, it took me a week or so to get accustomed to it all of a sudden i wake up in the morning like a kid again like i'm just i'm energetic six hours of sleep is enough right i would need 12 before 14 hours and i just i just like pop out of bed and i'm like god like i'm happy i like i'm i have again. I have restful sleep. You know, I remember I was at the doctor's office and I was like grumpy cause they were, they were stupid late. They ran like two hours behind schedule.

And I'm just like, what is your problem? And now, you know, I'd be less grumpy cause I just like, it makes a big difference whether you had a good night's sleep the day before oh for sure of course kyle you made a little uh face there for a second when woody asked about the recording of uh snoring did you have anything funny there no i was just remembering how i just remember like chiz woody and i would each take a turn picking out a different movie to watch together over skype and i think we were even watching like Woody's movie. So like Chiz and I are like, I think it happened more than once.

Let's watch Woody's movie. You know, let's let's let's let's do this. He watched Quigley Down Under for me. And then he watched I don't know what one of them Chiz picked out. We were watching with Ben Affleck's brother one time. Yeah. The Casey Affleck movie, maybe. Affleck's brother one time. Yeah. The Casey Affleck movie maybe. Uh, but we're watching,

um, a boy's life, which I believe is that Kevin Bacon, Patricia Arquette movie where they filmed this movie of a father, mother, and son over the course of 12 actual years in the real world. And they would just come back and shoot for like six weeks every three or four years. And the movie encompasses this boy growing from a child to a man and everything that happens in between and it's the same actors of course you know i was about to say i don't remember this movie at all but that makes sense with the way this makes perfect sense because like oh it's called boyhood we're in like the second act and he's a teenager trying to adjust and i hear and like like chis and i both ignore it for like eight snores and i'm like bro do you hear that he's like yes yes what do we do what do we do should

we just leave him here he's like well i want to finish the movie and i'm like well i i'm like an hour and 45 minutes in i don't just want to like check check out. Should we hang up on him? Nah, he'll wake up. Woody never woke up. The movie ended. We watched the credits and then I was like, peace. He was like, deuces. And I fell asleep during that teddy bear movie too. That was in the theater, right?

That's worse because we watched Ted too in theaters and we had not gotten to the beginning of the movie yet. Woody fell asleep in the previews. I was very tired. I didn't sleep. I was tired all the time.

I believe you. I didn't think you were like, fuck him. I'm going to go take a little nap in pool. No, I had no intention. You were just like, it's me, and then Chiz to my left, and Woody to his left, and I just hear. I was trying to keep up, too. I was up and down through that whole movie, just getting sleep, like, three minutes at a time, trying to keep up with this... You know, like, imagine how hard it'd be to follow a movie if they just blanked out every other five minutes.

You see two of every seven minutes, and you have to try and piece together the plot. That's exactly right. Now, was this the good guy, or the villain? Oh, he just killed the villain okay i'm back and when does it about my life yeah and i envy that i can't fall asleep in places where i'm not supposed to fall asleep for the life of me like road trips i have so much trouble planes i have a hard time everyone was always like oh man i used to fall asleep in class all the time. You know how many times I fell asleep in class my entire school career? From kindergarten to

college. Zero. Not once. Never. I would try and lay down. It's hard. And I'd be like, no, I'm in class. I can't sleep. This isn't sleep time. It's all about getting comfortable, man. It's all about getting comfortable and letting go of any shame that you might have about bringing an enormous pillow onto an airliner all right and you bring the biggest

one you own i feel like if you overdress and you get yourself extra cozy that'll help me go to sleep if if so i fly a lot and the only way i figured out how to sleep well is by taking my backpack out and like like putting the the tray table, putting my backpack on the tray table and using that as like a mock pillow. But now I can sleep no matter what, as long as I have that. I can't sleep, but I have to be in an aisle seat. Like an airplane, for example.

I would call that borderline hoodie weather, you know? But if I wear a hoodie, it gets me a little extra warm, then I'm more likely to fall asleep. Yeah, on an airplane i get the window seat and like that crevice that you have it's not meant for being leaned up against and sleeping on it's terrible comfortable either but and i do this especially if i'm flying with a girl i'm like here your job is to carry my pillow like i'm carrying all the luggage and like i made sure we packed and i'm playing you know paying for the plane tickets and your job is to carry my big fucking pillow because i just have dr who on it shut up

you get like a body pillow like the big ones huh i bring the one that's because when i fold that bitch in half it's just like it fills that crevice i'm just it fills the whole crevice and i'm just completely asleep and like i put on my noise canceling headphones and then i'm out i'm out i wake up and i bring the biggest pillow i own and it's really really dense and uh i don't know i ordered off amazon i got in this kick where i was like into high-end pillows it's very interesting and uh and so i have an extra large super dense pillow that's just perfect just perfect and road trips the same thing the same thing. I'll bring that shit in the car. It's coming to Florida. It's coming.

How much was the highest end pillow you purchased? Like $120. That's it? That's insane. Yeah, it wasn't a Herman Miller pillow or anything, but it was still fun. I mean, yeah, I've never... Pillows can get up there. If you get like the memory foam whatever tested cool side pillow

it's like 80 80 bucks for my favorite my favorite one is about that cost it's like 80 and the thing i like about it the most is it's some sort of cooling gel on the inside so it stays cold for a really really long time it's it's so nice your ear feels refrigerated for like 20 minutes yeah i've seen it in the store bamboo pillow i think is the one that i use and it's the same thing it takes me so long to fall asleep that those cool pillows never work because it's hot by the time you've tried them oh yeah like my my grandma has some at her house do you do a lot of um do you do a lot of things, like watch Netflix and stuff in your bed? Or is it just...

Oh, no. Like, I do nothing in my bed. Like, when I leave my living room or whatever I'm doing, bed is sleep. I have a TV in there. I've never turned it on. I like silence. I'm the same way. No.

No. The bed does all kinds of things. I like those beds. I just fucking sleep in it. Two things. No. Oh, no. those are my two favorite but uh they make beds that have are almost like a command center they have so many accessories on

them um i like playing video games in bed uh like like i used like taylor when you and i were playing like a ton of like age of mythology or whatever i had like my gaming pc next to my bed I'm in bed sitting up With like four pillows behind my back And I've got like that 34 inch curved monitor Like balanced Perfectly so that I get into bed And I like swing the monitor out

Over my lap as I'm in bed And I'm just like This is perfect I've got my keyboard and mouse in the bed Everything from the bed. Everything from the bed. I hear you, but isn't your sleep schedule horrific? Yeah.

If I need to get up at a certain time to do a thing, and I often do, there's some appointment or whatever, 8 a.m., 9 a.m., I just do it. I just do it. Whenever I hear someone complain about their sleep schedule i find it to be nonsense i get that like i get being in a scenario where it's like oh i need to go to bed right now because i have to be up in nine or ten hours and i'd like to get in bed now and i can't because i slept so late this afternoon and i'm not tired i get that but if you're like i gotta be somewhere next wednesday i really need to fix my sleep schedule it's like, aren't you the fucking adult? Are you a grown man? Like, what are you doing? Like, no.

Okay, if you know you got to be up Tuesday morning early, then you don't nap Monday away. You know, you stay up all day Monday and you get like your eight hours at the appropriate time. And then you don't nap the next day either. So that like when it's time to go to sleep, you're fucking tired. This isn't rocket science.

The only the only the only like, OK, that I'll give is jet lag. That's a completely different animal. And it's like, yeah, very hard to manage. But, you know, if you there's a lot of people, especially in our air quote industry that just can't go to bed at a normal time. That just can't go to bed at a normal time. They worked at like 8 a.m. To 4 a.m. Kind of or 8 p.m. To 4 a.m Weird schedule and they wake up at 4 p.m. And then you're like, oh well we that though like like yeah you forgive that Well, it's this it's that yeah, cuz it's a choice though. It's not their job. They don't You would know this better than me like you could yeah, you're your own boss But if I stream while kids are at school i'm not making good business decisions yeah i guess so i i mean

i stream from two to eight every day so like that's that's my my p.m to 8 p.m eastern yeah past no no pacific okay okay so that's five to five to eleven but i regardless of all that, there is somebody somewhere in the world that is not at school when you're streaming. So if you want to stream like what you're hoping for English speakers, what kid is going to be up at 4 a.m. Pacific Standard Time? Well, OK, you're right about that. Right.

So like you're you're shifting it so far to one extreme either way. But here's the other part. Like so let's say you're on the eastern right and you stop streaming at midnight i find it hard to go from something like computer games or even this show no yeah you can't do that like that two hour cool down is like the minimum yeah like if i get done stream i need two hours of cool down whether it's making food or not like i just need to not be talking or or be engaged in anything yeah like it this show will wrap at like i don't know 11 30 p.m and then it takes me not a whole hour but i usually like render the audio and upload i have to make a copy of the show on nas drive and stuff like that and

so i'm good for like 45 minutes to an hour after this ends and then like you said you know i go from midnight to 2 a.m just not being asleep yeah it sucks it does suck when you especially if you're used to it like i've got a very set schedule and there's some nights where you know you roll over and it's 2 30 in the morning and you're wide awake and there's no reason for it you're not tired you're just like well i'm gonna just roll over again and see in 30 minutes when I roll over again. What is it? Dopamine or blue light or something about. There's always something. Yeah.

It keeps you. It's just you can't go from this to sleep. And there's nothing worse than. I'm sorry. What were you going to say? No. I keep going. I was about to talk about Abraham Lincoln.

Oh, we'll go thereincoln not a smooth segue there's nothing worse than uh than than being upset when you wake up in the morning knowing that like you did everything you could to potentially get a full night's sleep and it didn't work out and so you're still tired and you're irritable and all that stuff and you did your job but your body didn't want to do it so yeah yeah yeah that's a curse of this show or doing it is like what he's right like you can't just go to bed right after like you'll like you're on the you're in speaking joking around trying to be funny mode and it takes a while to come out of that yeah wings you go too far on it though every friday morning you work better i remember wings used to say sorry i slept through pka pka kept me up last week like that was his thing like pka messed up his sleep schedule so badly that a week later he couldn't be awake for pka

i i have the youth thing it doesn't make any sense yeah it seems like i think it's hibernation not sleep at that point basically it's like dude you you're 24 you can't stay up till midnight on a friday like every once in a while come on pal do you link a picture of some guy sucking a woman's toes wait wait wait wait wait wait wait can we please watch the kids fight with no legs i really like i really want to i want to see it so i linked to this what this is is there's a guy with two of those it's not even blade legs they're just regular prosthetic legs and he's fighting a man with real legs and so let's see where it goes now who's who's got bets i'm betting no i'm betting no legs you know he uploads these videos if no legs get their ass beat aren't i i i hear you and and

using psychology i'd say no legs but using my life experience this legs dude looks like he looks like the guy he looks athletic i'm i'm free frozen at zero here i'm sorry i don't woody he's got less calves than no legs look but i'll get you his a week, but the other guy has no legs at all. And I've got to go with legs. Okay, you're going to go with legs? Think about how no legs gets around. I think that the link is right above what you posted, Kyle. Oh, okay.

A YouTube video? Yeah, it's called Kid Fights with No Legs, and then like 11 exclamation points. When you posted it posted I was cracking up He's got fake legs I just caught the description. I just caught the description. Holy fuck. We have to play this now Alright, let's play it Are we ready? Set play What you doing? You think motherfucking real boxing? You motherfucking looking like some bitches

Good strike from no legs No legs got some- wait what the- No legs deciding he doesn't need those legs! Yeah! He's taking his fake legs off, he's gonna fight au naturel. He just popped his legs off. My favorite thing is everybody's like okay with- The dude steps back and he's like, Yeah, you take those legs off.

The fuck? Now he's crawling around on all fours. Oh, what was that? He spooked him. How do you fight this in serious? The guy with no legs is like pump faking him. Oh, my God. He's got moves.

Bitch, I'm not going to take you up top. I'm going to take you up top. No, he's taunting the legged man. Yeah, what did he say? I'm not going to take you up top? No, he's taunting the legged man. Yeah, what did he say? I'm not going to take you up top?

Oh, he got a takedown! Oh, my God! Legless is... Oh, crushing him. Oh, that's inspiring. That's inspiring. I didn't think he'd be so effective on the takedown without being able to drive through to the finish and like turn the corner. But there was.

And there was a lot of good sportsmanship and not kicking him. I thought I noticed that too. Yeah. I kicked that little motherfucker immediately. Once I saw him pump faking and like dip and dodge it, I'm like, all right, the kicks are coming out. As soon as he popped one of those legs off, I'd have grabbed it. And I'd have used it as a weapon to kick his own ass. That would have been the worst ass kicking anyone's ever taken.

What happened to him? Well, he took his leg and he kicked his own ass. What? Yeah, yeah. If you're going to kick a guy, though, then you're handing him your leg, right? That's the thing. You subject yourself to takedowns. You're standing on one leg and you're giving him access to the other. That guy would have taken me down if I tried to kick a guy though then you're handing him your leg right that's the thing you subject yourself to takedowns you're standing on one leg and you're giving them access to the other that guy would

have taken me down if i tried to kick him it is funny that he took the guy down with a double leg yeah something that will not happen to him like the other guy could have really fucked with him it's a it takes a lot of trust in your opponent's integrity as a legless man to remove your legs because no matter how quick you are on the pump fake on the little head dodges and the punch like you're not going to beat the other guy's secret move of slowly walking away holding your legs like those prosthetics are expensive this guy could walk away with like a couple grand and in your legs i don't know those didn't look that nice if i'm being honest he didn't have his blade runner oscar oscar which what was his name pistorius yeah he didn't have what you're talking about there's a south you say you do you don't that's the one we're describing yeah there's a south

american paralympic athlete who had like blade runner legs he was really fast and uh he killed his wife girlfriend something by shooting uh south african yeah he shot his wife, girlfriend, something by shooting. South African. Yeah. He shot his girlfriend. South American. Oh, he shot his girlfriend through the bathroom door. See, this this says that he's six foot one. They shouldn't be able to include the blade legs in the height of someone. Right.

Like you can get longer legs and you could be seven feet tall if you wanted to be oh those guys would dominate the nba they'd be like yeah someone's gotta put control on these blade leg guys just they're like space jam where they're legless joe over here like just bouncing around nine foot tall seven becomes a new like performance enhancing surgery like lebron accidentally has a boating accident and with women both feet are ruined and now he can jump 30 feet in the air this is your change of sport idea kyle jot that down hey you know there is a wow this is aptly tied into an anime series called megalobox where they supplement boxers with animatron, not animatron, which is like mechanical body suits,

but do that, but with the NBA. I'll watch it. I want the new One Punch Man. Oh, it comes out soon. It feels like it's been years. It comes out January, I think, on Netflix. Yeah, it should be this I can't wait for that. You know what? One Punch Man is an interesting

counter-argument for overpowered superheroes, right? We've said on the show, and it's been said many times, that Superman can be boring because he's so powerful, right? He's got his freeze breath, his heat ray eyes, his ultimate strength. He can fly so fast to reverse his time. It goes on and on.

But One Punch Man is seemingly as powerful, more powerful, who knows what. If One Punch Man went up against Superman, who's to say he doesn't one punch him? End of the season, he did not end the Sea King in one punch. But the others weren't power punches, right? He gave him like a jab or two and then decided to one punch him, if I recall. Yeah, he does distinguish between punches and full... What does he call it? Full strikes.

Full intensity punches, or full effort punches, or something like that. He's like, 100% effort! And like, light itself is subject to the power of his punch. Like his knuckles time travel. He's hitting them so goddamn hard or something. And it only took one of us.

What's his training again? A hundred pushups, a hundred sit-ups, and a ten kilometer run, and he never pays to turn on his AC in the summer. I forgot about that. That's great. You know, he thinks about it, but he just sweats it out there,

miserable, for those two weeks. It's hilarious because, like, 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, that's nothing. And then sitting in the heat is the hardest part of the training regimen. No, see, it's the 10K. He's got to run every day. Oh, the 10K. Probably is the hardest. That obviously helps your punching.

Yeah, there was a fitness guy on YouTube who attempted the one-punch man challenge, but he was already in excellent shape, you know, so it was dumb. What you want to see is, like, someone who's not in good shape at all. Or regular shape, I would take. I could not do 100 push-ups. 100 push-ups is a lot. You could do them five at a time, 20 points each. If I could spread them out across the day.

You could do five sets of 20 in a day, I'm sure. I'd rather do 500 push-ups in sets of 20 a day than run 10 miles. I'd rather, no, 10 kilometers is not even that bad. I'd rather run 10 miles. Even so. Yeah. Push-ups aren't that bad. Running is

terrible. The exact opposite. It's so boring. That's the only anime that I'm like, no matter who you are, my mom, watch One Punch Man. You know, Johnny, who's never seen an anime, watch One Punch Man because it frames, does such a good job of framing like, you get it. The all-powerful hero that can never be defeated takes that right out of the canon.

You're never going to think, oh, what if he dies? But, like, they still managed to make a good series around it so it's hilarious like that i i can't do lines like kyle can but the bad guy will come and he will lay out all the destruction and his powers and his training is okay okay okay i watched one episode of that show ready i watched one episode of that show. Are you ready? I watched one episode and I got to the part where I think it was one episode where there was like a big crab person who came out and was like and like threatening him.

He's even ball chin man. Yeah, ball chin man. And then he punched him and he won. And after that first episode I'm like maybe another time. I went to something else. Maybe I'll jump back into it you guys don't punch it he rips the the arm off of crab man and all the crab meat flies out of crab man yeah it gets better towards taylor's like my technique is better

just eat it yeah taylor has a knack for opening crabs that's all yeah i tweeted about it just to show i wasn't lying i'm definitely looking forward to it um i'm not like opposed to anime but i also like have a hard time finding one that i'm into like it has to be so something about a lot of anime that turns me off is it just seems like they throw you into this like alternate reality almost every single time with very little backstory or like catching you up there oh by the way, a normal thing here is that there are vampire people and

we just don't talk about it. There's vampire people though. Just go with it. Okay. It goes from zero to a hundred. The first episode, it's like, and you should assume everything is canon. Figure it out as we go. You don't get it. You don't know what's going on. I liked Castlevania a lot, if you remember that.

They put out like four episodes the episodes are like 40 minutes long or something and it seemed like medieval times and some like city people like did dracula wrong and this telling dracula's it's based on the castlevania video games i'm told but but i didn't play those but basically you've got like a good guy he would like a whip and his a-team and then you've got fucking Dracula who's all powerful. It was really fucking good but it ends on a cliffhanger

so I'm waiting for Castlevania 2. And again, it seems like it's been years since the first one came out but that one's really good. Anime is like rap music to me. It's not that I don't like it. It's only like 1% of it. That's a very fair argument and I will allow it. I like a lot of it. Ah. That's a very fair argument

and I will allow it. I like a lot of it. I watch only anime now. In fact, it's like the... Every night I go to bed and I'm like, what anime can I watch and imagine a better life in some dystopia in Japan? And I find an anime that fills that hole. Sounds like a lot

of fun, man. Sounds like a healthy way to live. Anyways, a lot of fun, man. Sounds like a healthy way to live. Yeah. Anyways, keeping up with the Kardashians. Oh, that's... I've watched Pokemon when I was a kid. And that was my anime experience. Yeah, that's what I was saying. That's anime.

I never watched Yu-Gi-Oh!, which was, I guess, a little younger, but a little after Pokemon. Oh, I watched... What's the cowboy one? Cowboy Be after Pokemon. Oh, I watched, what's the cowboy one? Cowboy Bebop. Yeah, I've watched that. That's such a, I mean, that's like the most tame version of anime.

It's just very logical and put together and very story driven. Also has a great intro. That's like, and that's an older one too. I just, I don't know. There's something about the art style of anime. It doesn't pull me in. Yeah intro that's like uh and that's an older one too i just i don't know there's something about the art style of anime doesn't pull me in yeah that's fine i actually i have a i have a lot of trouble getting involved with like uh live action or or traditionally acted tv shows because there's like you have to suspend disbelief that there's an crossover actor who's been in some other roles that you've seen, you have to be like, oh, John Krasinski is not, you know, Jim Halper from The Office. He's this

badass, like, super soldier, and that's, like, a problem for me, but in anime, it's like, well, everything's suspended disbelief. If they want to punch him that hard, they can send him through seven moons and have the universe explode. Oh, don't mind cartoons like i don't i don't dislike cartoons like i i just all the cartoons i watched now i'm thinking about it they're all comedies like south park family guy american dad yeah bojack i watched the first how many seasons of that are out bojack i don't i don't. Like three? Four? BoJack's really popular on Reddit, but I couldn't make it through it. I don't know. I liked the first season.

It's very like self-depreciating deprecating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's very like You make fun of yourself 10% more each year. Yeah, it's fine. I like it. It took me a second to get that. He depreciated yeah

dude letter kitty is the way to go i'm telling you i i started watching this all right it's the new trailer park boys for me like like it's it's so fucking good and where do you find it i like uh hulu it's always the first uh i've watched the first couple seasons uh i'm about three seasons in now or something like that and i'm really really like it who has ads right even if you pay for it it has ads if you pay it's like 7 or 8.99 a month but if you go up to 11.99 it's no ads and that's what i do correct imagine paying 8.99 a month and getting ads yeah just pay the extra three bucks and it's upsetting i have i have ads on my hulu because i did it through my amazon and when you do it through

your Amazon, you don't have the premium option. So I need to cancel my Hulu through Amazon and get a standalone Hulu subscription, I suppose. I don't have these fucking ads because I don't mind spending $2 not to have fucking ads. And it's a shitload of ads. It's like the same amount of ads that regular television... It's literally TV. Dude, when you think about it, it's like...

It's a lot. It's two to three more dollars, but you're increasing the amount of viewership you're getting by like 35 percent yeah yeah it's totally worth it but uh letter kenny uh very funny very weird canadian humor which i'm i'm definitely into i guess i'm a big fan of they're they're like rednecks but they're a bit philosophical uh and uh and and i like i think the main character's name is wayne that's that's how little philosophical uh and uh and and i like i think it's the main character's name is wayne that's that's how little like there's not a lot of like character growth you just kind of watch them do their thing see the only uh like i've watched i think five episodes

of it in the first season and the only thing like i like all the jokes the funny quips it's like a very one-liner witty kind of show not like a a, you know, bumbling about kind of show. I just don't think that they have enough differentiation between the characters and the way that they joke. Like, it seems like one dude writing a bunch of jokes for every character instead of each character having their own original take on jokes. So, like, in Trailer Park Boys, like, Ricky's jokes,

you're like, ah, that's so Ricky, or that's so Bubbles, or that's so, you know, so you know uh mr lahey in this i feel like it's all funny but any joke could be given to someone else you know what i mean or do you not feel like that at all no no i it everything feels like it's the same flavor i'll say that for it like like it has this it's different this this canadian thing about it and the way they write dialogue reminds me of gilmore girls a little bit how it was really snappy back and forth but this is really snappy back and forth just for the sake of being so and it becomes its own joke with like their odd canadian vernacular and like they at one point he plays this game where like the one guy cues him up and with like a basically a letter of

the alphabet and then he just goes into a diatribe of like a words b words c words describe just how cold it is in canada this time of the year like like like just talks about the canadians it's i can't find it it's great canadians are just like the australians of the north like they have that like incredibly no god hear me out here i love it like you go to australia you go to australia or you listen to somebody who's australian speak and they have like very clear like deep rooted slang that is coming through that only you know people from australia are going to use but everybody else can understand same with canada like every time i've been to canada or a lot of my canadian friends

you know they come out oh you want to go out for a rip and have a dart a bud? And you're like, I don't. Oh, you want to have a cigarette outside? Like, fine. Wonderful. It's just like a very endearing way of going about slang. Taylor, you're muted. Sorry.

Canadians win the cigarette wars because it's... Dart is way funnier than cig or cigarette or fag or... I don't know what they call it in other countries. Oh yeah, give me a fag, man. That's not funny. Yeah, give me a dart. Oh yeah, you're going out to get a... Go smoke a dart.

I love Canada. Such a wonderful country. Let's watch this little clip. Yes. This is... This is a completely different clip from's watch this little clip. This is a completely different clip from what I was describing, but this is basically the three main characters

in the barnyard throwing a baseball around talking about their love lives. And old squirrely Dan's had some interesting things happen in his. Cued up at zero? Ready, set, play. I had mine with gravy. She had hers with salts and malts vinegar. Do you know that salt and malt vinegar is not a traditional way to dress your french fries in the United States?

The fuck is wrong with them? Like malt vinegar is not a staple condiment on tabletops or restaurants in the United States. Fuck, figure it out. That's what I say, I said figure it out. Got no vinegars on the tables, no Kraft peanut butters. Figure it out. Fucking figure it out. Better not forget those fucking all-dressed chips.

No ketchup chips neither. Figure it out. Somebody really it out. Better not forget those fucking all dressed chips. No ketchup chips neither. Figure it out. Somebody really ought to write a letter. You do got six different types of Cap'n Crunch though. How do you know that? A sock comedian talks about it on the Just Barriers. Can't remember his name though. Good guy though? A little long winded for my taste, but yeah, pretty good guy.

Well glad to hear he's a good guy at least. They have running water down there? Anywho, the evening went so well that we got through a little bit, so they're fooling around. Did you French her? Kind of had a line there, Derek. Kind of had a line there.

We did French. That much I will reveal. We already revealed that much. You might as well just tell us if you want it for sure. Simple like to kiss and tell, Derek. I don't like to kiss and tell, but the Frenchman's took the hard left turn from which I have yet to recover don't know what I'm not asking you to kiss and tell that's impolite but I'm kind of curious

I'm sure you boys have had a couple curveballs thrown your way betwixt the sheets. Well, not to be impolite, but, you know, sometimes a gal will be kissing around on, like, the area near your genitals, but not quite on your genitals. Makes me ticklish and insecure. You know, not to be impolite, but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears, which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of the way. Throw. That kind of likes both those things. Yeah, that's why he called Squiggly Dan.

Yeah, he's a fucking five million. Well, not to be impolite, but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some attentions paid to my butts hole that ever ever happened to you guys You ever have a gal suggest that you need some attention paid to your butt holes? He dropped the ball. Immediately, immediately. I'll take that as a hard no, I guess. She put a couple fingers up there and... Turns out you got an erogenous zone up there. Found the hot button and...

Gave it a tickle and... Yeah, feels... It feels pretty good, you guys, okay? I really like it? Pop fly. I really like it. Pop fly. Felt... felt very natural. Nice. That's how you get the body in front of it.

They call it milking the prostate. What's in flight to kiss and tell that's kissing and telling so how does it transition from that to another scene every time I see a Letterkenny highlight it's like a complete show it's like a bunch of little skits with a lot of jokes

they're all connected there's an ongoing story and like like you know all kinds of callbacks and stuff what's interesting about that main guy there the one who like covered his ass when and asked about it um he's the toughest guy in letter kenny and that is known but his girlfriend had been making him stop fight for like months now they've broken up and so when he's it's time for him to become a fighter again he's he's got them scheduled to like come to his yard and fight him like like all the guys who now think they're the toughest guy in town and one by one he's just beating the shit out of them it's do they show the fights yeah yeah they're pretty funny they're funny like're funny. Like when the fifth guy shows up, the last guy or something,

who's taking his shirt off and dancing around, and Wayne's just like, you know, you're just dancing around. Are we going to fight? I got stuff to do. And just very quiet, matter of fact, then he beats the shit out of the guy. Very funny. Yeah.

After that scene, I'm going to get back into that show. I'm going to watch it. I have a close friend who's Canadian who would probably enjoy it. I know he hasn't watched it yet, but I had no idea that it was framed that way. Like, mini skits and stuff. It's really good.

I showed a clip to my girlfriend, and she was like, yeah, this is guy humor shit. And I was like, fair enough. Okay, fair. I've been re-watching breaking bad really liking it obviously breaking bad is awesome but there was a fair like i didn't think i completely understood the whole plot around the rice and and the kid and gus and and like jesse's understanding of it

the way through and this time i'm getting it i'm getting all the pieces that i missed and it's kind of cool yeah it's a great show to rewatch. I started rewatching it and dipped out in the third season. I like rewatching. I sometimes fall asleep to Breaking Bad. Doesn't matter. I just started the next show. I saw it before.

I've seen it twice now, and I liked it a lot less on the second viewing. I just get frustrated. I just get frustrated with Walt when he's making those big mistakes or when he's being tricked into going and revealing the location of his money or something. I like Walt. I want Walt to win, right? I want him to just get away with his money, just like I like Tony Soprano. I didn't want it to end that way.

I want Tony to go to Russia with his money or whatever. I like Tony more than Walt. For example, I just watched more than Walt. For example, I just watched an episode recently where Walt says, you know, Jesse, what would be good for you? You're so young.

You've got your whole life in front of you. You should leave town. There's nothing keeping you here. Why don't you just go somewhere else and start again? You could get a family. You could do this. You could do that.

And Jesse's like, you know, for just a second, could you stop working me? Could you stop working me for a second? And Walt's like, what? I don't know what you're talking about. You know, I just, I think this would be wonderful for you. Ask me for a favor.

If you need me to leave town, tell me to leave. Tell me you need a hand. Don't make it look like you're concerned, dad. is bullshit stop working me for a second and i was like yeah fuck you walt fuck you walt and you're dishonest like bullshit working everyone around you all the time like everyone sees through your bullshit they're only buying your lies because they allow themselves to be lied to. They're not being fooled. You're just an asshole. Yeah, but he's not good at it. Everyone sees through his bullshit, just like in real life.

He's pretty good at it. I don't know. I know exactly what you're talking about. I haven't enjoyed it as much on the rewatch, though. I start feeling bad. I wouldn't say I enjoy't know. I know exactly what you're talking about. I haven't enjoyed it as much on the rewatch, though. I just start feeling bad. I wouldn't say I enjoy it less. I just see Walt differently a little now. You know, like Skyler sees through his bullshit.

She wasn't fooled by him for a second. Jesse sees through his bullshit. He's not fooled by him. Walt's out there trying to play everyone. It's not that he's dumb. He's very smart. And he's an okay liar. he gets caught right jesse finds out the whole rice and but walt's not getting away with shit they get caught in the end i love how extreme he is like when he when he when he had to make some excuse for being away and he went into that fugue state where he just walked into a

grocery store naked he was like this is the penance I pay for killing three people in the desert. He just does it. He's like, all right, there's option A and there's option B. And over here there's option C. C is fucked. But it allows me to continue with my lifestyle. So let's start stripping. I watched him recently in the episode.

He killed nine people in prison inside of like two minutes. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, and it's just like his death count keeps going up and up, and he starts to be a real bad guy. Yeah, he's been a bad guy for a while by the time he does that. Yeah, I feel like prior to killing nine people, he was a pretty terrible person. It's true. I still root for him.

Those nine people weren't bad guys if i recall correct well they were kind of bad guys but they were just kind of people implicated in it that could have also implicated him they could have ratted on him so they people don't watch this show there were nine people they were currently in prison and they went to prison because they kept their mouths shut they were all offered deals to get out and instead of ratting on walt and mike and people like that they kept their mouths shut and they got paid. Well, at some point, they either lost the ability to pay them or the motivation and he killed them all instead. So these were like your guys, you know, you were paying them to keep their mouths closed.

But, you know, they weren't murderers. They were just like involved in your drug distribution network. They went to prison because they got busted. They kept their mouths shut because you paid them. And you killed them all. And they never ratted on you. They never turned on you. You just killed them in case they might.

And that made Walt a little worse. It's a good play, you know? It is. I never called him dumb just kind of bad you know when he killed people don't know the plot I didn't get it the first time spoilers where Walt

poisons Brock who is the young kid that was premeditated throughout like a long list of time too yeah and you know I just recently watched the episode where Jesse figured it out Jesse was about to leave town so that he wouldn't be pressured to give up Walt, and he sees his cigarettes, and that's when he realizes, man, Saul had Hugo or something, the big black guy,

pickpocket him, get the ricin cigarette. Walt gave the ricin to the kid, and the kid got poisoned, but Gus had previously killed kids who were drug dealers or involved in drug dealing. But they were little kids, like 10 or 11. So he's like, hey, who do you think killed Brock or tried to kill Brock? Me or Gus, who is known to hurt kids. He killed Gus for these bullshit reasons. And it made Jesse motivated to killus or i think he actually killed the

gabe the other yeah but anyway on the re-watching it i'm catching all the details i missed on the first watching and it's pretty good that show is go ahead i was gonna say the character's a little more complicated like kyle i kind of rooted for walt and was mad that walt jr and his wife weren't on his team. But you watch it some more and you're like, well, Walt's just working everybody all the time. Fuck Walt. Everyone sees through your bullshit, you know? Yeah.

The first watch through, because that was one of the few live TV shows that I watched. And I was like fully engrossed in the whole story, like everything about it. I was watching each episode as it was live. And I was, you know, I was everybody's team Walt. They do a good job of setting it up where you're watching it for the first time and you're like, oh, Walt, you know, he's in a precarious position.

He's doing all of this for his family. He's doing all this for whatever. And then by the end of it, you're like, man, this dude literally he killed dozens of people people ruined hundreds of people's lives in order to save his one and a half family members because you know walt jr is not a real person so everybody else just you know it was a lot of killing a lot of of of disgusting stuff just to make his family hate him but also not

be miserable. And it wasn't even really to save his family because that entire time they could have been saved by his ex-business partners. It was really hundreds of people dying and having their lives permanently altered to kind of satiate his ego, his need to be that guy. When it's like,

you know, if he had a little bit of humility, you could have went to that goofy, giant-eared fuck. Which is the only thing I remember about that dude. I don't remember you know, if you had a little bit of humility, you could have went to that goofy giant eared fuck, which is the only thing I remember about that dude. I don't remember his name, but his ears are enormous, like Dumbo. And I just remember like all you'd have to do, go up to that guy and be like,

you know what? I've reconsidered your offer. I will take that job. And then that guy will actually let you work there and you'll get paid for it. And they'll take care of your bills. Like that's all that it took. He was even giving him an out. That's the part about Walt that I hated the most,

is, like, that dude wasn't trying to give him charity. He was trying to do it in a way that also capitalized on Walt's skills. Because Walt actually is a good chemist and he could have helped. And he's like, no, I'm going to go make meth in the desert with a drug addict instead and die of pancreatic cancer. How much did they make? Like, how much did he end up with at the end of it all how much money did he or his family end up with was it because in i don't know it kept getting

cut in half again and again and lost and ruined and stolen and it was in it was an amount of money that throughout the course of whatever he was doing was not worth giving up everything he's had right like there was not a 10 million dollar there was a stage on it where when hugo and bill burr like laid on the money where it was many many millions right like they couldn't even count it but i'm gonna estimate it was over 100 million dollars right where it was like worth it but then i think they bury it in the desert and it gets partly stolen or ruined or something and you know there was a time when i think they bury it in the desert and it gets partly stolen or ruined or something and you know there was a time when i thought they were really rich and then they paid off another guy's six hundred thousand dollar tax bill and suddenly they don't have much money left

and i'm like what you only had 600 grand like i thought you had millions at that stage you might have you might it was 80 million do you look look? Yeah. So it's something like they might have had $80 million in cash, but they didn't have $80 million in liquid assets. I know cash is inherently liquid, but for all intents and purposes, they can't move that money to anything meaningful without the car wash job or without some way to launder it. the car wash job or without some way to to launder it so the fact that they might have had x millions of dollars in cash is in consequence it's impossible for you to use it yeah it's not nearly as useful like having 80 million sitting there rotting with you panicking every day that someone's going to come knocking on the door you're constantly paranoid your quality of life plummets you get used to it oh you would never get maybe i'm so high strung castro was literally burning money to keep his family warm.

He would literally just burn stacks of money because it was so cold when his family was on the run that they had to keep themselves warm. That was Pablo. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean Castro. I meant, yeah, Escobar, you know, Cubans. Yeah, same thing. Close enough.

Yeah. I would much rather have gotten the job from big ears who's like hey i'll pay you 400 a year take care of all these bills pay your outstanding debt and this is actual money you can use and you know i'll give your wife a job once you're gone if that comes to it like that's way more security than hey there's there's three barrels of cash in the desert you got to go there and like pilfer some out every so often. And you mentioned that early on he could have taken that job and not gone through this mess. But there were like three or four possible outs he had.

Where he actually like stopped cooking for a while and they had all the money they needed. And he still wanted to cook. You know, like the beginning, he never had to start. But there were a couple times along the way when he could have left but just liked being a hot shot which oh well that was the whole thing is like you you watch walt change from i'm doing this for my family too i'm doing this because i am walt i am heisenberg i'm the i'm the dude you know so that's kind of the premise on it but 80 million bucks god damn yeah 80 million mostly useless dollars that's he could have fixed that though right like like like if he'd put all that time and effort that he spent to like killing people in prison or like coming up with chemicals to like washing his money or getting it out of

the country or making it some something else like he could have done that. Yeah, I mean, you could have. You could have just, he already had it basically set up. You buy the car wash service. You wait, like, two or five, or, wow, I'm not an expert in money laundering, but you wait X amount of time, and then you use whatever capital you have to buy another one, or buy another cash-based service, and you just expand, and now you have enough that you can continuously launder money

through it. Yeah, it seems like he just needs to get out of the country, really. Or that, yeah, with cash. Yeah, just need to get out of the country. Yeah, showing up in foreign nations with barrels full of tens of millions of dollars, no one will take advantage of you. Well, you might want to work something

out with your Russian suppliers over there that he already had some like knowledge of you're gonna show up in a freezer in 45 seconds as they you know pour vodka on your millions oh you go cook you go cook fucking meth for them maybe whatever happened to swiss bank accounts like wasn't that a thing where you could just like take your cash that's all but that's not like physical cash though though. Like they're illegal. What is it? Ten thousand dollars in lump sum. If there's any it might be five thousand for state level. It's anonymous.

That's the thing about Swiss bank accounts. No, no, no. It doesn't matter. You can't deposit that cash with. Oh, you're saying go to like Switzerland and be like, I have 80 million dollars in cash. Yes. I'd like to put this in an anonymous account. Oh, I have no God.

Yeah, I don't know. Is that still a thing? I not sure yeah it's totally a thing you can just wire the money around but if they ever get the account numbers that's your account and they take your money from you yeah if you do that they're gonna go wait here you can't wire to come back with the police well it seems like they could do it if it's if it's one of those like offshore things literally the cayman islands or something you gotta like cyprus and you go hey i have a million dollars if you want to help me skirt this and get like at that point you've got 80 million and you're thinking to yourself if i can just get 40 million into my account i'm happy right like the other 40 million is greasing all the cogs to get my money into my account so it's here's a million here's a million here's a million maybe you could like give someone like two million and have them go do it first to test it out

if it doesn't work have them put in like 10 million right so now you're only 12 million out no i don't think you want to be doing any experimentation i think you just want to know a guy right he's like yes all of my money goes through there hundreds of millions and you're like you can't just like what do you look craigslist you can trust me as he twirls his mustache pay no attention to the many many scars i lost this i saving kitten from three he just seemed to get out of the country you couldn't say fucking albuquerque he was never gonna enjoy that that was yeah that was all that was weird he really was hot in albuquerque why couldn't he leave albuquerque albuquerque so wonderful that you dude you've been to albuquerque

albuquerque is garbage anywhere in new me Mexico is ass Okay It might be our worst state It is fucking disgusting there Between Delaware and New Mexico At least Delaware contributes farming To the United States What's wrong with Delaware? It's a shit hole Delaware is not so bad

Delaware is the worst flyover state That happens to have an ocean What? Delaware is the worst flyover state that happens to have an ocean. What? Delaware is fine. No, it's not. I just hate the New Mexicans. You prefer the old Mexicans? No, he doesn't.

He hates us too. It really is a horrible place to be. It's hot as fucking shit there and dry desert air. There's so much Bureau of Land Management land out there that it's like, what shit there and like dry desert air and there's so much like bureau of land management land out there that it's like what do people own here and oh the shanty town over there there's literally people living in shanty towns and shit bureau of land management stuff is interesting to me because for people to know here on the east coast of america there's really no

land that's owned by the government it seems i'm sure there is i'm sure there's like grandfather mountainers i don't know but if when i fly around someone owns everything around me you know for hundreds of miles there's no government land around here i'm not much anyway maybe a lake but out west it like flips the other way like the government owns all that land and you could just the difference is what the value of the land is so when you come over to when you come over to i'm not going to say la but when you come over to new mexico or if you're looking in nevada like this is not heritable land there's no real intrinsic value to this to this square acreage i hear you but that's interesting to me right like i have a friend in utah and he's into

dirt bikes like you know like dual sport motorcycles that are street legal but really about dirt and you know he lives near blm burrow land management land so he can just go out and there's i don't even know what a billion acres is it millions of it i don't know it's a lot hundreds of thousands of acres. It's like tons of land. Tons of land that you could just go everywhere. It used to be an off-roading. They were the same sort of thing.

Like, yeah, this is Bureau of Land Management thing. We just go rock climbing anywhere we flipping want. I'm like, what? Doesn't someone own it? If you're into shooting, right? Like, oh, yeah, there's no one else going to be around here. We'll just put targets up on the side of this mountain and shoot them all day because it's wide open and you can do whatever the flip you want there and that's neat to me because that doesn't exist here yeah it does it does yeah and and again like one is you can't farm that there's no value like there's nothing

you can do without shipping and you know water and and housing etc to make this land livable versus where you live but it varies but that's not the vast majority the interesting part of it is there's like unsettled land like you're like yeah the land's not good there's no water there cool awesome that sounds great for dirt biking like it what it's unpopulated land there's not unpopulated land around here or there is but it's there is but it's but it's woods yeah think about the ure like yeah that's a great example and you are either rules about firearms and it's woods there's rules about where you can drive yeah it's a national park i guess it's it's a little bit different i've been out there and driven for hours into the bureau of land management property just

just just out into the fucking wilderness for for hours in a in a truck you're not going that crazy fast obviously because there are some roads in some places but it's just like a dirt path really and you know we don't know where the next big gully is yeah not if you don't know that place but but like you know we go out there and blow stuff up all the time and you can do literally whatever you want out there pretty much you know just 30 miles that way is the nearest town so if you've got a rocket maybe worry but otherwise you know you could be a bit more relaxed out there no no people to hurt open space is interesting i think's a, I want to say it's an East versus West bureaucracy kind of thing. You know, everybody seems to have a very general, I hate being like that.

West Coast is laid back, East Coast is hustle and bustle. But that's what it seems like whenever you come towards any government-owned land or anything on the West Coast. It just kind of makes sense. Like, hey, we do have this vast amount of space that is completely owned by the government, but we don't have the personnel, nor do we have the desire to police it. So, like, if you're going to use it,

just kind of use it normally or, like, within, like, the realms of decency here versus, you know, you fuck around with the forest and you could cause some serious problems over there. Maybe there's just not as much to lose. Maybe. Open spans of

land is just not an East Coast thing. It's not. That's something cool about what the West has to me. Yeah, there's some map here. We've got a lot of space. West Virginia has a lot of space. It's just a lot of wooded space oh yeah it's all woods here oh this is the uh ownership yeah i think so oh wow you're right i would be very curious to see um if we could break down the federal lands based off of, again, like functionality.

Because like a lot of these lands are in straight up arid desert. There's nothing there. So I'd be interested to see. To test nuclear weapons. That's about it. Yeah. I wonder. 100% of Nevada.

Yeah. It's like, oh, you guys can have everything outside of Vegas. We're going to keep this little area here. It's garbage out there. I hate New Mexico so much. I've been there a lot. Driving through to Vegas. Driving from LA to Vegas and you don't even go to New Mexico.

New Mexico is the worst parts of any desert. I've only ever flown through the Albuquerque airport, like connecting. I've never hung out in New Mexico. What makes it so shitty? Or did you guys probably talk about this? The temperature's terrible. It's a dry heat. So me personally, it like dries my nose out

and makes me get nosebleeds. It's a hideous desert. It's not the pretty desert that Arizona and Texas even can be to me. They have blooming deserts. Yeah, there's a lot of green scraggly bushes out there and there's a lot of like brown and black rock instead of the red rock that looks really nice and like so it's not like scottsdale desert where it's like pretty cacti there's no there's new mexico is the rocky it's

like mars but on the united states like there's and it's not it's gray. It's a lot of gray. Well, I won't go to New Mexico. I'm sorry to ruin your trip. And, you know, I'm from Georgia, but there's a lot of country music on the radio there, and there's a lot of low-income peoples there, and it's just, I hate it. Every time I go, it's depressing. You know how they'll say things like

fellow Georgians, like in Georgia, or like Missourians, or Californians, or North Carolinians, probably? Yes, yes. Carolinians? I do say that. Oh, glad I got that right. Nicely done.

Do they say, fellow New Mexicans? Yeah. Like, that sounds weird, doesn't it? No? That's only because you're racist, and you think of Mexican as a derogatory... Exactly. Well, see, Kyle, it's only because you're retarded if you of Mexican as a derogatory... Exactly. Well, see, Kyle, it's only because you're retarded you think Mexican's a race.

Fair counterpoint. If anything, it would make me xenophobic. Taylor comes back hard. He's so mean if you disagree with him. He goes straight to, like, let's fight, though. Mexican's not a race. It doesn't really have to be a race, though, like, technically, because the Spaniards came in and, like, raped all the Mayans, right? The Spaniards came in, banged the Mayans, and turned them into Mexicans not a race. They only have to be a race, though, technically, because the Spaniards came in and raped all the Mayans.

The Spaniards came in, banged the Mayans, and turned them into Mexicans. When Taylor was talking about the... I did the same thing in my head. When Taylor was talking about Jews in his Bible story, I was like, can you say Jew? Is Jew the N-word where you can only say it if you are it? It is a race, but it's also a

religion but if i said like a bunch of jews moved to my neighborhood would you not look at me a little cross-eyed no see if you said it like a bunch of jews if you're like oh a bunch of jews i said that there's a lot of hasidic jew Jews that live by me. They're the worst. No, they are the best. They always wear full suits and they shred on razor scooters because they can't drive machinery. They're the worst in New Jersey. Oh, I don't know. But the L.A. Hasidic Jews are amazing.

Do they have the curlies? You're right, they're Hasidic. I hear the Hasidic Jewish people. I know lots of jews and jewish people i've been to a lot of bar and first of all none of them care jews like jews is literally the word for a person of jewish descent jew yeah uh and all the reform and some of the orthodox which like it's reformed super we don't follow any of it we just kind of identify like these are our parents are like this so we're we're jewish then there's orthodox which is like they follow it but they're not like whole hog and then there's hasidic and they're like the super jews yeah apparently like the reformed

really dislike the hasidic in a lot of ways like the hasidic are the ones who will be like uh setting up like traps and things i watched a youtube like documentary on this like years and years ago where it was like traps or no no traps isn't like it would rather be like a a mechanism like wiley coyote traps it's a torah trap i'm going to read my scriptures they dig big holes and put sheets on it so you fall in? It's like a mechanism. So basically, on certain days, they take it super seriously. You're not allowed to engage in any kind of electricity or modern technology. I'm not Jewish, so I don't know the specifics.

And so they're not allowed to turn the lights on. They're not allowed to turn the stove on. And so they'll have these Rube Goldberg machines where it's like, Goldberg. goldberg machines where it's like goldberg and and then they'll like be like okay well i can't touch this light switch or this elevator button but i can lean up against this which makes something drop which goes over here which does a loop the loop and then presses it for me because i have not disobeyed i watch this and even even I'm being 100 percent serious. You can find. OK, I was like, are you sure this sounds nutty? No, it's that's what I'm saying. Like, no, Hasidic Jews cannot operate machinery on Sabbath.

Yeah, so much so that they can't even ride. If like if they needed to go from point A to point B, they can't get in a car, even though they're not the one driving it. So they all ride razor scooters you know like that's like their thing so they're not they can't turn on the light switch they can't use their cell phone they they can't leave until the sun is down on sabbath like there's very strict rules no booster boards i assume and some orthodox jews follow that'd be cool as well. But I think most Jewish people, at least in the U.S., are Reform Jews, where they don't do all of this no machinery on Saturday, I guess. No, Friday.

Friday is the Sabbath for Judaism. I like that in the Larry David show. No, I'm pretty sure it's Friday. I'm probably wrong. I don't know anything about it. I just know the Bible No, I'm pretty sure it's Friday. I'm probably wrong. I don't know anything about it. I just know the Bible story. I'm pretty sure it's Saturday. But Larry David's trying to fit in with a more hard-nosed kind of Jew than he himself is.

And they've got some bizarre rules. Like they broke a plate. And she was like, oh, you've got to go bury that now. And she's like, what? Yeah, you've got to go bury it in the backyard. There were a lot of bizarre rules that those people were sticking with. So it's when the sun sets Friday until the sun sets Saturday. Until the appearance of three stars on Saturday.

So if you live in like New York, is it just... If it's cloudy, it goes till Monday. That would be terrible. What if you just were Jewish and you were like, I'm going to move to Seattle. It's like, sorry, can't come into work again. It's Wednesday. Haven't seen those stars.

How are you talking to me? That's a good point. Religions are interesting, man. They are. People too often often and i was one of these people when i was in my you know douchey atheist stage with so many people go through where it's like oh it's all nonsense all bullshit but it's like really these like it's formulated a lot of the way people absorb moral teachings and formulate their worldview it's really interesting i maybe nobody else agrees no i don't think so it's it's it's evil have you ever read the bible i've read a good chunk of it which part out there in the middle there's a lot of stuff it made sense

to me i reckon i understood a great deal of it i read the minor and the major prophets and I stopped before the gospel. I got all the boring parts in. I tried to read the Bible more than once, but the ones I was reading weren't translated into modern English, for lack of a better term. It was difficult to read. I wasn't getting anything from it.

I'm like, I am just sort of looking at all the words without really reading much. My comprehension was so low, I didn't get far. It depends what version were you reading? I wouldn't know. A version that was available, you know, one I found. It wasn't like I bought it or picked it or anything.

I just like, oh, here's a Bible. Let's see what's in it. The guy can hardly read this. I'm not comprehending much. Old English Bibles. Old English. That's not comprehending much. Old English Bibles. Old English. That's what it's like. Well, I mean, how else would there be reading comprehension issues with the Bible?

Like most of the Bibles now. New King James Version. Oh, if they were doing like the Truda. Died in Browse. I think I've read that like twice at a Methodist church, and I was like, okay, cool. I'm going to not pick this one up again. That's the only one I've ever had any contact with. It always seemed like a King

James Bible where there's thou and thine and all that stuff. That's because you were Baptist, right? Yeah. Methodists use the common English Bible. You were the minorities of Christians. Yeah, I think that we are among the ones who definitely speak in tongues.

I can't think of what that subsect. Oh, shit. You are Baptist? Evangelical or something? Is that Episcopalian? Or am I thinking? Yeah, I honestly don't know. Those are all very southern, like, southern sects.

Is that the right word? I don't know. Yeah, I like it. It makes it sound dangerous. Yeah. The Baptist sect of... Yeah, Episcopalian is like the overarching... No, that's like the Anglican church. That's like when King Henry VIII was it, decided that he wanted to

get the divorce and the Catholic church was like, fuck you. And so he's like, fuck you. I'm making a new church. I'm making the Anglican church here england and i'm the head of the anglican church motherfucker and then he allowed himself to divorce a few more yeah it's crazy even taylor minnie's bible stories are good for me that's not even a bible story but it's it was uh adjacent to a bible perhaps. It was olden days enough. It's an old story about Bible-type things. Yeah.

He's not wrong. Yeah, religions are really interesting. I've read the Quran. What's your least favorite religion? Ooh, least favorite. And race. Do things like Scientology count or no? Yeah, we'll count that. Actually, no.

Only things with a tax exemption. Scientology, do they not have tax exemption? You know, I hope they don't. I feel like I should know this. Seems like everyone gets a tax exemption, right? John Oliver's church got a tax exemption. PKA needs a church. That may have been the point of the John Oliver thing with Scientology.

They were initially partially exempted by the IRS, but then they went back on it after 1968, and it's been like a back and forth thing. I guess since then, I'm not going to read all of this. I saw an HBO documentary on it and it made it seem like they, the Scientologist one, the going clear maybe could be. Yeah.

It was like a year and a half ago, two years ago. Oh, probably. I don't know. I watched a couple of, I watched the Leah Remy. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Uh, she hates them. Yeah. She's not a fan. She was a Scientologist. Oh yeah.

Her mother like indoctrinated her into it, I think. And, uh, but, but she's, she's real fun to, to listen to.

Uh, she definitely hates them. She was on the Joe Rogan podcast talking shit about Scientologists. Yeah. Yeah. And Tom Cruise. Well, I mean,

he's the, the head poobah of the Scientologists. Oh, you're still going. I love that video of him accepting some kind of a medallion, I'm going to call it, in front of a big congregation of Scientologists. And I call it a medallion because it looks like he won the gold medal for biggest fucking teeth or something like that. And it's a big, thick...'s a big award he would win big thick fucking gold medal that this guy has on a necklace with like a big it looks like he won the medal of

honor slash the 40-yard dash or something it's so fucking big and absurd and he's just up there smiling and talking about you know he does he speaks generally like he doesn't speak speak specifics and and if you're not like in the church i guess you're kind of scratching your head like dog whistles the fuck is he talking about up there it's all dog whistles yeah absolutely he's like and then the problem will be solved forever and they're all like yeah the problem and i'm just like are we am i part of the problem when i see a thing you might be i have to get engaged because I am especially equipped to help people do things. And I'm like, I don't really get what he's saying,

but he's somehow saying Scientologists know something other people don't. They create a buffer around him. That's what Leah Romini was saying on Joe Rogan's show. I listened to that one where she was talking, going really deep into Scientology, and she was talking about how on movie sets and things, like usually an actor or actress has like handlers, you know, where that are assigned by the studio or whoever, who are like, oh, I need this or that for something or, and they do it. In Tom Cruise's case, he has like a posse he brings with

him. So anyone he's conversing or dealing with is a Scientologist as well. And so he has like a posse he brings with him so anyone he's conversing or dealing with is a scientologist as well and so he has like middlemen to everyone or just not even middlemen just they do it for him in lieu of someone else and so it's like even in that environment he's totally totally inculcated from any kind of outside influence that ties into what i was going to say because i wondered like why tom cruise would do this why travolta would do this like these guys don't have to be Scientologists but it turns out that for them it's not the worst of deals you know that Tom Cruise doesn't pay for lawn care lesser Scientologists are out there mowing his yard and clipping his bushes Tom Cruise has assistants all over him Tom Cruise has like he not to interject real quick to get to his level, he's had to donate over

$10 million. I didn't know that. You have to pay to get up there. I've heard about... I don't know if it was Leanna or if it was someone else who came clear, but they were talking about how for Tom Cruise and John Travolta, they get a lot out

of Scientology. Whereas when you're at the bottom, you just lose everything. You know, you give them your money, you give them your time, and you don't get much back. It's a pyramid scheme with an intergalactic god at the center. Yeah, but people at the top, like Tom Cruise or some of the other leaders you don't hear about, they're actually winning in this thing. They're not just completely stupid like it seems. You think Tom Cruise is batshit insane.

He maybe has made a really good $10 million investment. Now he has like a whole team of – he might get a million dollars a year or more worth of services out of these people. I mean – For decades. I've had a friend who's worked directly with Tom on a movie set and said you know he is the most polite enjoyable everybody on the set respects him like he is a great professional kind of kind of thing which like all adds up to all the anecdotal stuff that i've read on the internet and it's fine like oh you know you might be a scientologist but you're like a decent human being outside of all that cult stuff.

I'm sure most of them are. Yeah, I'm sure. And I can understand if you're like, oh, I can have somebody or a group of people take care of everything that I could conceivably need. The groceries, car services, lawn care, transportation, whatever. And all I have to do is stand up there for about, what is it, 15 minutes a year and be like, hey, I really support this whole idea. I mean, you're still a shit person, but like I can understand the logic behind it. Yeah. It's hard to say what he's getting out of it. It literally is a secret society of like

powerful people. So it's hard to to say it could be on one end of the spectrum or another right it could be the situation where he's reaping incredible benefits that we don't even know about or it could be the situation where he's like literally like a slave to them and he's being blackmailed as a recruitment like celebrity because like they know that like he sucked jamie foxx's dick or something. They did do that movie together. Did you see that? Which movie? You ever see that movie?

It's Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx. Tom Cruise is a hit man. He's got gray hair in the movie, like crew cut gray hair. Yes, he's fat, right? He flies into town and Jamie Foxx knows L.A. well enough to get him from appointment to appointment. And the appointments are murders. And so he has Jamie Foxx driving him around the town killing people what is the movie where tom cruise played he was in costume and he was completely unrecognizable almost he was oh tropic thunder yeah he looks like him but

not like he does the apple bottom and he's... Yeah. Yeah. And boots would be... That was right... That was very, very close after his whole Scientology thing came to public. Like, he had taken a couple-month hiatus and then he came back here and people were like, oh, Tom Cruise, Scientologist,

but still kind of funny, huh? I like that he did it because so many Tom Cruise vehicles are almost designed to make him a hero, right? Whether it's Top Gun or Risky Business or any of his Mission Impossibles, they're all designed to make Tom Cruise look like Captain America. But then he took that role and he didn't look like Captain America. He's a skeezy boy. Yeah.

He's less Grossman. Have you guys seen the new Mission Impossible yet? No. I heard it's excellent. Have you guys seen the new Mission Impossible yet? No, I heard it's excellent. I'm not a huge fan of it, of all Mission Impossible movies. That one is great.

They also kept in specifically, you know, all personal opinions aside of the guy, he does a stunt where he jumps from a rooftop to another rooftop and he misses the jump and he and he fractures his his femur i believe or what you know pick a leg bone i don't know which one it is and they use the shot where he limps off of the building but his leg is broken and you know and he learned how to pilot the helicopter like there are very few actors that are going to go to the uh go to the limits that he has gone to make sure that the movie is authentic and it's his. He's good at skydiving. Yeah, he might be a shit human, but he's a pretty good stunt guy, you know?

He's got it going on. What's his name, James Corden? The guy that does karaoke carpool? Yeah, James Corden is there. Yeah, they went skydiving together. And of course, Tom Cruise knew how to skydiving together and of course tom cruise knew how to skydive and he was good and then you saw him jump tom cruise was actually good he's an above average skydiver i'm not a real skydiver guy but i watch these youtube videos all every

week and i see people going through their learning progression and tom cruise was able to just do flips and get right back into a stable position and he was genuinely he knew what he was the real he's the white jackie chan you know like he he does all his own stuff and everybody kind of expects it of him i i uh i knew this was true but i had to double check it when woody mentioned it apparently he he invented the role uh from tropic thunder that was his idea um you know ben stiller is making the movie or whatever and he was, I've got this idea for a character. He's got really fat hands and he dances a lot.

And he's like, what? You don't want to just play yourself, Tom Cruise, in the movie? Because that's fine. That'd be great. No, no, no. Fat hands. I dance a lot. You'll see. You'll see. And he pulls out that Grossman? Yeah.

Wow. I like that he did that. You know, you can separate, oh God, I hate this argument, but if you can separate the person from the talent. Kevin Spacey, baby! Yeah, I mean, he fucked kids, but he's a great actor. Did he fuck kids? I feel like it was more just like attempted seduction.

Yeah, he definitely popped a boy dick in his mouth. Dozens and dozens of people came forward. So what you're telling me is that this aggressive child stuck his dick in Kevin Spacey's innocent mouth. That's what you're telling me. I mean, when you phrase it like that, I don't even have a rebuttal. I can't even play back. I think you're right. You're onto something. My opinion's been changed. Poor Kevin Spacey and those sexually aggressive children. Think about it. When you were 40 years old, have you ever thought to yourself,

I can't wait to shove my dick in some dude's mouth? No. But when you were a a youthful child you're like routinely you're like i'm gonna stick my woody's point remains if it weren't for all of these aggressively sexual children we could avoid this like kevin spacey is a victim of circumspect kevin spacey and many an innocent priest have been framed by these children to sticking their dicks in mouths all across Pittsburgh. People talk about the Illuminati.

There's a ball of 14-year-olds going around slinging dick, getting people in trouble. They're running the world. And I think these Pittsburgh priests, I think the penguins are involved somehow. I'm 99% sure. I like your alliteration here.

That's the Pittsburgh priest. Pittsburgh priest penguins yeah i think sydney crosby is at the root of all this somewhere i'm gonna i'm gonna wait he's not yeah he's a hockey player balls when he was young was sticking his i know sydney crosby yeah wait what i'm sorry what was he he was not doing that. Sexy Sidney. Kyle, did you want to say something?

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I'm going to have one of those. I have a long drive. You should pop a couple, no more than two cans though because that is their recommended limit but you should pop a couple cans. See, I don't want to be jittery. But I'm not a coffee person at all. Like regular coffee, I don't drink it.

But I bought one of like the what is it? Mocha? It was one of the more basic ones. Mocha cans, yeah. Whatever the basic bitch flavor is that you start on i did that and i really liked it it was really good i i i really did they were the de facto uh youth talker was like if there was one sponsor you could get it must be monster so when uh i got to work with them they're great great. Good people, good beverages.

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We're not standing behind this. I'm sorry. That was an observational statement. That was an observational statement. Yeah, I have seen those around the world might not be guaranteed. If you go to Mobile on the Runs, if you guys have Mobile on the Run stations,

there are quick trips. They always have two for four of the Runs, if you guys have Mobile on the Run stations, there are quick trips. They always have two for four of the regular monsters, too. That was the... Yeah, I used to collect monster cans. I had, like, a wall display unit where I would put every single energy drink that I ever drank that was different up there. Man, if they weren't a sponsor, I'd have so many things to say right now about that. About my lovely monster energy cans in their house? That's really neat and cool. Thank you, Taylor.

And that's great. I knew you were so positive. I love you. I'm a very positive guy. I've been on the show enough to know this. We're all positive fellows. That's funny. Call it a wrap?

Yeah, sure. Are we that far into the show? It feels like there's hours left to go. It's always how it happens. It always seems shorter when it's funnier, which is a good sign. I like that. Do we have an outro? We definitely do.

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