Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #403

Episode Date: September 14, 2018

On this week's PKA, stand up comedian and podcaster, Josh Wolf, is joining the guys and he graces them with a hilarious story about him planning his buddy's bachelor party and it just going... horribly wrong, then they come in hot at the creepy preacher who is just groping Ariana Grande. Great PKA, we hope you enjoy!

Pain Killer Ready, episode 403 with our guest comedian Josh Wolfe. Kyle? Yeah, a couple sponsors tonight. Stitch Fix, NBA 2K19, Monster Energy Espresso coming back, Shadow of the Tomb Raider. This episode is brought to you by Square Enix, Terrifying Zombies, Unforgiving Jungles, A Mayan Apocalypse. It's just another day for Lara Croft. A Mayan apocalypse. It's just another day for Lara Croft. In Shadow of the Tomb Raider, witness Lara Croft's defining moments as she engages in brutal combat,

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hunt ultimate. Nice. Yeah. That. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, we're very excited to have Josh with us. We can tell from the pre-show that you're not the kind of person we're going to have to pull any words out of. We kept being like,

alright, so we're going to get the show going. Josh was like, one second, the kind of guy I am. We're like, oh, that's hilarious. That's exactly right. Thank you so much for coming on dude i i uh had enough time to watch quite a bit of stuff of yours on youtube and it was hilarious like the way i see stand-up comedy is like 90 of it is just bad like masquerading as okay and then it's really good when you find someone who's actually like gets like out loud laughs. And the story you were telling about the prank you pulled, I was I was literally gut laughing watching it.

It was so funny to me. So kudos to that. Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate that. You know, I it's a it's a story about my best practical joke. And I grew up with three older brothers. So I was well versed in fucking with people. You know, I and I play pranks on my kids too. Like if you have kids and you're not playing pranks on your kids, why did you have kids? Like there are two reasons to have kids. Like you need people to do chores around your house and you, you want some people to fuck with, like for a little sense of humor. Like, so like, you

know, I, like, I want to get something out of it too like you know so and so they're my best my favorite practical joke that i ever played well my son goes crazy like and i do little things to him like i took his underwear out of his drawer one morning when he was probably 13 or 14 and you know when they all they all had a voice like this every point right i'll talk like this and i took all of his underwear out of his drawer, and I replaced him with panties that had the days of the week on it. And so he woke up, and I just hear from the other room, hey, what are these?

Hey, these aren't my underwear. And I was like, hey, just put your Mondays on, sunshine. And that same exact experience. Whose day is it? What day is it? Yeah. on Sunday's on Sunshine. I would have been funnier if he just went, what day is it?

My uncle did that same thing to me, but he was serious. Yeah, was he? Yeah. And which ones did he like you to wear? Did he like you to wear his Fridays? Mondays. He'd come home angry from that day of work and he wanted the cheekies.

It was only a six-day regimen. There was no Monday. That was the problem. I'll tell you what I thought made this practical joke my best practical joke. Like, I pull a lot of them, but I've always said the best ones are the ones that when you're done with them something else happens like a month or two later and you're like oh it's still going you know what i mean like i i was done with it it's still happening so okay i'll give you a brief version i don't want to bore you guys too much it's a long story but my buddy asked me he said hey man will you throw me a bachelor party and i was like you

know that's a bad idea because and i tell everybody if you want something special done for you, I'm not the guy. I'm a comedian. I would much rather see you in some sort of emotional pain, you know, and then we'll laugh about it. And then we can high five later. But he was like, no, man, you do it. You plan the party. You get the girl. And I said, all right.

And I got him a girl for his party um because that's what he liked but like i'm not a stripper guy never been my thing and i wanted something that i like to look at and i like weird shit so i went on craigslist in vegas because i was sure i could find something weird on there and i found an advertisement this woman's advertisement was only three words and it said uh i'll wrestle you and i was like you're gonna wrestle somebody i called her on the phone and she said she told me she was six foot 250 and um that what she does she gets hired to come over to people's house and get naked and just throw them around for a little while and i was like well why aren't you in your car yet like You should be driving. What time are you going to get here?

I will set it up. So I'm setting up the hotel room, and there's nobody there. I'm setting it up early. Knock on the door, and I open the door. She was six foot, but she was not 250 pounds. She was well over 300 pounds. And I said – this wasn't in the video. That's a fat woman.

That's a big woman. She was big. She was just big. I don't even know if fat is the right word to be honest with you i'm i'm serious just maybe like girthy like barrel chested just big just a big person it was so when she showed up and i asked her why you didn't tell why why not tell me you were 300 pounds and she said i didn't want to scare you away and i had to tell her i said look for the future of your business just so you know anybody who's calling for 250 didn't scare to 300 you know what i mean you probably could

have charged me extra you should charge him by the pound you would make a lot more money you know what i mean so she comes in and she was holding a foot long sub and like 24 buffalo wings hit you because she was there two hours before the party and she waved him in my face and she was like you got a room where i could go fuel up before the match two hours without 2400 calories yeah you better get those calories in here we're gonna be working hard so she went on into her room oh by the way here's like the funny when she waved him like she was like and she said you got a room where i could go fuel up for the match i had to tell her yeah i got a room right there but i also had to tell her just so you know the person you're wrestling today doesn't know there's

gonna be a match oh you should probably keep that in mind when you come out of the room you know what i mean so my friends come over my buddy's blindfolded he's fucking so excited and he's shaking with excitement and um i call her out and uh so my none of my other friends knew what i had planned by the way so when she walked out of the room naked all my other friends were like what the fuck like they were expecting you describe like the body like the folds and the areas hanging you said she wasn't necessarily fat so i picture a weird golem looking person yeah no she was just big all over my buddy was only it's only like five she had the biggest cans i think i've ever seen in person. My buddy's 5'8", 140. You could have fit him under one of her titties.

You know what I mean? That is the size person we're talking about. He's 5'8", 140? He's half the person she is. Yeah. Yes. Less than half. Okay?

And he's like zero muscle tone. Do you know those, just a skinny, like a hoo-hoo? Yeah. So she was standing in front of him, and I take off his blindfold, and the only word he got out of his mouth before it, she literally ripped him out of his chair. He just looked up in the air, and he goes, why? She lifted him up in the air with one arm lifted him up and she was just started to toss him around

the room like a rag doll and me and my friends were like oh my god the best thing we'd ever seen she had at one point would jump on top of him right and she had to push he had to push her fat out of his face to talk he was like tell was like, tell her to stop. How long is she going to be here? I can't breathe. Well, we paid for four hours. She had buffalo wing sauce around her mouth. She hadn't wiped that shit off. She would sit on top of him and beat him in the face with her titties.

And, guys, so this isn't like a five-foot- two, like a bink, bink titties. Six foot three hondo, those titties come down on you like, they were like hammers. Like those women who use them to like crush full tall boys on the internet. By the way, her name is Blondie and she dances at a place called Claremont Lounge in Atlanta. That person you're talking about. Oh, if you've ever been to Atlanta, go to Claremont Lounge. I was in Atlanta, and I said to a cab driver, I go, hey, take me someplace where I can't see anything.

I can't, where I can see something I can't see anywhere else. Dude turns around and he goes, you ever seen a grown woman crush beer cans with her titties? And I was like, no. And he goes, do you wanna? I was like, yeah. Claremont Lounge, her name is Blondie. Her tits are 50, she's 80.

But they are masked. So, yes, but that size. So she was beating him in the face. Like, you know like in a Rocky movie when he would get hit in the face and his cheek would go. Like his whole spit was flying out of his mouth. She was pummeling him so she gets up and this is a part that's not online because he was super embarrassed about it she's pummeling him she gets up what you have to know about this entire time she's been undressing him so at this point of the

night when she stands up he's got he's wearing boxers in one sock and he's on the ground on one knee because he's been guys he's been getting the shit beat out of him for 20 minutes he's on the ground on one knee. Because he's been, guys, he's been getting the shit beat out of him for 20 minutes. He's head to toe sweat. His hair's fucked up. He's breathing heavy because she would smother him with her titties. And when she pulled her titties back, this was the best part. When she pulled her titties back, he would be like, because he couldn't breathe. He was being titty boarded do you know what i mean like

but she would smother him so he's having trouble breathing he's sweating profusely and he starts to crawl off the floor off the middle out of the middle of the living room she is not having that she walks over grabs his ankle and this is out of the living room. She is not having that. She walks over, grabs his ankle, and this is one of the parts, man, that's not on the video. Pulls him back to the middle of the room. Picks him up. This is how strong she was and how small he was.

Picks him up by his ankle like this, with this hand. And with this hand, like this, boink, checks the oil. Finger in the asshole, right? Oh, no. Finger, you found out later, man, that still had buffalo wings on it, right? Well, you gotta get lube to check the oil finger in the asshole right oh no later man that still had buffalo wings

so good so when he rolled over right away to kind of you know push her finger out of his asshole yeah you know uh but i could see the look on his face and i turned to my friends i'm like oh there's about to be a fight because we've known this dude forever. And they were like, oh, yeah, Tim's been pushed over the edge. So when she puts him down, he looked at her. Something in his face snapped. You could tell he was not having it. And he looked at her and he goes, I'm going to fuck you up.

She wasn't scared at all. Just back to 20 minutes, she was pretty sure sure she doubled him in weight like she's a professional wrestler yes and he's a professional nothing so she he runs at her and he's like i'm gonna take you down and he ran into her as hard as he could not only did he not take her down all i can the only way i can explain it to you is like, when he ran into her, his little body, when it hit hers, it's almost like she absorbed him for a second. And he disappeared.

And I was like, where the fuck did he go? And then she just, boom, shot him out across the room, and he slid on the floor, and my friend ran up to him and was like, that just fucking happened to you! And then we were all like, yay. This is a mean-spirited bachelor party.

Right? So we hired someone to molest you for 45 minutes to an hour. She might stay longer if she's having fun. Her fingers are spicy. Beware. It's getting so much better. Because here's what you have to know about this guy. This would have never happened.

The reason this happens is he is marrying his high school sweetheart he's the squarest square any of us have ever met he is the like never done he's never seen another woman naked in person before do you understand this is the guy at all of our bachelor parties was like i can't go to the strip club guys i'm you know because my you know i've been dating and he knows i'll just call her mary i've been dating mary you know since we were 15 and i'm you know never seen another set of boobs i'm not gonna start now this is why i needed to do this to him because this was on his bucket list to see a beautiful woman you know what's on my bucket list fucking up people's bucket list yeah i love

that gives me a little bit of joy because and when i asked my friends later i was like do you think i went too far and they were like no you would have been a bad friend how i grew up you know you're close with somebody if they fuck with you do you know what i mean like if you're not getting fucked with if you're not getting teased you're not part of the group it's just you know what I mean? Like if you're not getting fucked with, if you're not getting teased, you're not part of the group. It's just, you know what I mean? It's just kind of how we grew up. If you want to take even more credit, you potentially saved this relationship because never will he look with more lust at his wife's body than that time right after seeing this grotesque woman. Like that's always the

point of comparison now well i will tell you to be fair he had never seen a grown woman another grown woman naked before so he was hard for the beginning of the no yeah that was even more embarrassing yeah i left that part out i'm not telling you to entirely stop but slow it down well he had other boobs in his face and i think it was hot until he couldn't breathe you know what i'm saying but so was he clearly was there was there any point you know when he had his his boner where you thought oh this might have backfired he's enjoying this a bit or was the transition so quick no no it didn't matter the fact that he did boner made it better for me the fact that there was a large woman tossing him around the room and he had a tiny little fucking pink pink

to pinky i was super excited but she did things afterwards that i didn't pay for that was the best part when he ran after her and he knocked she knocked him down she got mad she went off script and she said he was kind of laying there a little stunned and he goes you want she said to me do you want to see my finishing move and i was like uh yeah but i grew up with hulk hogan and randy the macho man savage you know what i mean so i was like you you better fucking finish him like whatever we you came here let's see it so she started to run to him and she goes you want to see that finishing move and we were like yeah she goes you to run to him. And she goes, you want to see that finishing move? And we were like, yeah. She goes, you want to see the finishing move?

And we go, yeah. She goes, finishing move? And we go, yeah. And she sat on his head. And we were like, no! Because his little head disappeared. I don't know if I can do this well on screen. All you could see, guys, were his little arms slapping her back like this.

You couldn't see his head. Just doing like this. And this is after like 20 minutes of wrestling. That's a sweaty crotch. What is the opposite of a birth called? That's what it was. That's what we called it. To this day we were like, man, you got reverse birthed.

He was reborn. Born again. Here's why it's like my favorite joke. Because now every time he gets a little HPV store, he'll remember. So he developed a nickname that night, which wasn't in the video, which is

my favorite. My friend, when he was walking, you want to guess what maybe? Anybody have a guess what the nickname is? Oh. Aren't you that little bitch that got beat up at his bachelor party? Second place. I'm shorter than that. That's a long nickname.

That's kind of a... It's more of a phrase. More of a title. Yeah. More of a Twitter handle. He walked by my friend, and my friend goes, damn, man, you look like a glazed donut. So I got uninvited to the wedding. Shocker.

Yeah, but I made all the groomsmen glazed donut t-shirts because I was a groomsman too. And when he walked down the aisle, they were all like, what's up? And he was like, oh! He actively ruined this man's wedding. Yes!

His mom afterwards called me and she was like, those are cute t-shirts. Can I get one? I was like, yeah, I'll make you one in every fucking color. And this is why it's my best prank. Because I got uninvited and for a good reason. The reason he uninvited me was because he knows. He said, look, if you come, dude, you're going to tell everybody everybody this story i can't have that and i was like man that's actually really smart so i run into his dad two weeks before the wedding i was like you're not coming to the wedding and i

because he all he knew as i wasn't coming and uh i said nah and he goes why not and i said oh uh i said tim didn't tell you and he said no and no. And I said, oh. I said, well, you got a couple minutes? He said, no. He said, no. And then his dad used that story as his best man speech at the wedding. No. He would have to go to this fucking wedding to still kind of ruin it. It was like the best of all bests.

And he called me laughing. He called me laughing. He was like, hey, man. He goes, I got to tell you, well played. Did you call my dad? And I go, no, I just bumped into him by accident. And he took the reins. He goes, I'm telling that story.

I was like, Tim's going to be really mad. He was like, this is exactly what his dad said. He goes, fuck him. He shouldn't have been such a pussy to uninvite you. That's right, dad. I'm not sure I can handle you as a friend. It might be too much for me. I'm on board.

How much was the wrestler? How much did she cost? 500 bucks. Oh, that's... See, like... $2 a theoretical pound. Yeah, this is the sort of thing that would be amazing on a live stream.

This is the sort of thing that would be hilarious to do. She only This is the sort of thing that would be hilarious to do. She only costs $500. We could get her easy and make more than that. We have to pick someone for her to fight. I don't want to do it. That sounds gross. It would be a round robin. We would each try to take her in succession.

So I promise you, who lives in the biggest city out of you guys? Kyle. Kyle, Atlanta. Dude, Atlanta, for sure. I can't say i know for a fact but it is a very popular fetish to have either muscle women or just big women come over and beat the shit out of you yeah you can even hire i was going back and forth between this woman but they had literal bodybuilders like muscle muscle but i was like yeah at that point one seemed worse than the other to me

humiliation humiliation wise yeah fat is humiliating well yeah and the and the muscle woman she was like i'm gonna get him between my legs and just squeeze his head i'm like that i don't i'd rather have... See, now it's not fun, and I don't want to see you in your little outfit with your big HGH clit poking out. This might be fun to me. Tell me more about this clit. Stroke that clit.

That might be back in. I think I want to be your friend, Josh. Taylor, how much clit is too much clit? The amount I'm picturing. the way i have to tell you that is a question and it's a great question because that's a legitimate question i i you know we've all seen pictures where you're like that is like i don't know that would be intimidating to me i think do you're like, that is like... I don't know. That would be intimidating to me, I think. A big clit, you mean?

I think so. But it might have other advantages. Like, super easy to mess around and deal with. But I think they also get less sensitive the bigger they are, right? I don't think that's accurate. I've never seen a really big one, but I've seen one like that. Like the last knuckle of your pinky forward.

It's a pretty sizable clit. I'm looking at some really big ones right now. Some of these are like penises. You might be looking at the wrong side, dude. Yeah, pretty similar. These actually look exactly like penises. Some of them have scrotums. Is that normal?

I'm going to hop over to Bing. That's just a small cock. By the way, get it off your personal pictures and let's go to... Look at this one on the right, three down. I don't think that's a clit at all. One on the right, three down. Oh, some of these look so much like a penis. But isn't that am i wrong now listen this is three dumb dudes four dumb dudes oh no but isn't the clit kind of like a small penis it absolutely is well one of

these clits has a cock ring on it so it it's absolutely analogous to to the penis like like the penis is a big clit like absolutely is like the initial one because i mean everybody starts female everybody starts with a clit it's the starter kit the clit is the starter penis that's right yeah this is like a kind of like a bullshit penis like all the features haven't been updated it's like a plasma screen tv in 2001 like it's you wouldn't want it given the option so are you we should all get together and write a kid's book called everybody starts with a clit ah yeah this is good thinking coming of age from after that maybe we should make it a coloring book everybody starts with a clit you know before i was looking at these pictures i really thought there was no clit too

large right i was i was gonna be like you guys are really judgmental about it. Look at the one I just linked. Yeah, but some of these are, yeah, that one's. They've got like a really kind of like a stalagmite or a stalactite kind of look, whichever one hangs down. These really large ones. I see one of them. But even then. She's sitting on a man's dick.

She's riding him. And her clit is laying down on top of his dick. It looks like the lady board porn that I may or may not have seen quite a lot of. And several websites and planned my yearly vacations around. Kyle loves Thailand. It's the circus. Where are you going this year thailand god damn you know you get like one you get like one fake photo in a rented wetsuit out by the ocean one day you know real the sun's in the same position you switch into different outfits real quick put the illusion up see him the same

pose he just photoshops himself into different places oh jim norton and patrice o'neill and bobby kelly used to talk about that on Opie and Anthony, where when they used to go to Brazil and go on, like, prostitute fucking trips, they'd be like, yeah, we do the whole day doing a whole trip, and then the last day we frantically are, like, changing into and out of clothes,

taking pictures in front of different restaurants, like, really trying to build up a catalog of activities that would, you know, feasibly take a week. But why do you have to go to Brazil to have sex with a hooker? I guess they wanted to be really risky. Yeah, I guess so. But then you get the whole, like, I don't know, sex slave experience, I think.

Yeah, that's what you're looking for, right? The way they were telling these stories, that didn't seem to cross their mind. I think they just thought prostitution. Did they mention, and I don't know, but we've looked at it before, maybe the age of consent is quite low in places like Brazil and they were looking for some 15-year-old

guys, maybe that was the case. Here's my experience. I used to go to the dominican republic on these surfing vacations and yeah right i know i swear i was just surfing man doesn't even know how to surf that's not true he can't he can't swim so um but while we were there like we go to the beach or we go to restaurants and stuff and there'd be these dudes they're like 60 years old have not kept up with themselves. Big beer bellies, fat, not looking good.

With these hot, like 21-year-old girlfriends, you know, that were obviously locals. They're just eating with them, hanging on their every word, touching their hand, like, attentively. And I think that's the experience that you can't get here. Or I get it from super get it you can get it here it's just more expensive or you gotta work it I was trying to convince a young lady today you have to find a woman who loves you and cares about you

and it's a huge thing you don't want any of that, that's the last thing you want what I think is funny I can't show you these giant clits these giant clits but if you look in the reflection right about there, you can see that I'm still checking them out.

We need to come to a conclusion on the clit thing. Kyle is hyper critical about the deep clit rabbit hole. Well, we've talked about the pussy lips many times. Kyle is of the mind that he likes the simp ones,

which looks like Homer Simpson's mouth turned to the side where there's not a lot of labia majora and not a lot of labia down there. Woody and I are of the opinion, like, it's gotta be fucking bananas for it to override something. I'd have to pull her panties down and be like,

this is, what, were you okay showing me? This is insane. It would have to be out there. Same thing with clits. And I want to know, Kyle, how big does a clit have to be before you shut it down? What if it's a perfect little simp pussy the way you like, but it's a nice meaty clit like this?

I don't know how to describe how big the clit, if it's the, all right, here, I'm thinking of items that we can all all, you know, think of like, so like a drinking straw, like you get at a fast food restaurant. That is the diameter that I feel comfortable with. The length, I'm thinking like the last knuckle down to the end of my, like that much. So there shouldn't be, there shouldn't be any kind of gag reflex involved when you put it in your mouth. Exactly. So there shouldn't be any kind of gag reflex involved when you put it in your mouth. Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah, got it. Okay, got it. No gag reflex. I don't want to be able to stroke it if I want. Like, if I'm able to grab the clit and, like, jerk the clit off, there's probably too much clit. Not only would I do that. But if you loved this girl, would you jack her clit off? Is that in the wedding vows?

That sounds like it might be in the wedding vows. Probably so. In sickness or in health? Probably so. her clit off i if that in the wedding vows that sounds like it might be in the wedding vows probably so in cute little clit or a big nasty one yeah i suppose now i'm much less judgmental about the clitoris than i am about the the labia though because i just find labia like big gross labia that are especially the ones that are darker in color it's a real big turn off for me and maybe that makes me a little gay maybe that's me it makes me not as like straight as everyone else but it's just or maybe i just have more options than the average fellow i i don't know but but i'm just not into it we're in mexico and my buddy had never been to a strip club before ever so this is on one of the chelsea lately she used to pay for all of us to go on three or four day vacations to mexico or wherever the whole show

is down there and one of the dudes who works on the show he's never been to a strip club so another girl who works on the show was like i'll go with you so the right right away i'm like this is gonna be a great by the way there's to be a great time for a practical joke. So I walk up. I go, hey. I tell my buddy, hey, I'm going to set you up. I walk up to the manager. I go, hey, you got a boom boom room?

And he goes, yeah. I go, all right, get me the nastiest girl you've got. What happens in the boom boom room? Is that a sex room or just like a dance room? It's the champagne room. OK. It's wherever you take him and he and he goes uh oh you want somebody hot who does nasty i go no not hot i want nasty just nasty i said and then my next thing was who's the oldest stripper

you got here oh and he was like well and he said her name let's call her esmeralda he goes esmeralda i'm like great i'm gonna let's bring my buddy into the boom boom room send esmeralda esmeralda i'm gonna give her i'm gonna give her uh late 40s um do you know the body type where the booty is flat the belly is big and the titties are small like a pear yes so Yes. So, I'm sorry, babe. I'm doing a podcast right now. Yeah. No, I'm good. Thanks.

So, I go, hey, go in there. And so he goes in there, and I sit down with this girl. And we're watching this girl dance, and she squints like that. She goes, what's coming out of her vagina? And I said, her vagina is coming out of her vagina. She goes, what do you mean? I go, she's got an outie. Some people have innies.

She's got an outie. And she, as a woman, had never known that sometimes it drops out a little bit. Oh, this is a girl you're playing the joke on. No, the girl, the guy was in the other room the girl just had never seen so like her pelvic floor was like burst out just a hanging clam i'm sorry i have to confirm this are we talking about large lips or are we talking about like a medical issue it's a it's it's not a prolapse okay from the other side but a rosebud as we in the community call but it's not like a simp as you're saying because there's a little bit hanging out right you know what i mean a little the fruit is coming out the fruit is about to fall off the

tree it's hanging on you know how like the apple is hanging on by like so she was like is that a thing i go yes sometimes there's outies most people have minis uh and right about that time my buddy comes sprinting out of the room we're leaving now we're leaving now and so we walk out and um he was like oh and he's not saying anything how was it man what's going on he goes well first of all this old woman walks in and i go yeah and he was like i didn't know that i go yeah in the boom boom room it's all old And he goes, well, first of all, this old woman walked in. And I go, yeah. And he was like, I didn't know that.

I go, yeah, in the boom boom room, it's all old women. And he was like, what? So I just, but I go, well, what happened? He goes, well, she started to dance for me because you were paid for it. I didn't want to be rude. And he said she was like, do you want to, you know, she wanted a little extra money. So he was like, she goes, do you want to? And he was like, no, no, no. And she was like, do you want to, you know, she wanted a little extra money. So he was like, she goes, do you want to? And he was like, no, no, no.

And she was like, do you want to? And he was like, no, no, no. And she was like, do you want to taste? And he was like, no, no, no. Do you want to taste? No, no, no. And as he's saying no, no, no, she had put her fingers in her vagina and put it in his mouth. Fuck that. That's biological warfare.

She was like, you need to taste. In his mouth, the fingers that were in... We're gonna fight. First I'm kicking your ass, old lady, and then the bouncer's kicking mine. There's gonna be two fights tonight. Alright, I'm gonna do a fun joke

against my friend Josh Wolfe. I've told the Menendez cartel that he's selling drugs in their territory. Now watch as they slowly saw his head off, place a genital in his mouth and circulate the photo online. That's what she, I thought she was just going to be a gross person who danced. I'm gagging a little. If the guy told me this was going to happen, I'd have been like, what's one step down from

there? Like, I don't need that to happen to them i just need like you know something you know that's a 10 let's drop it to a 7 fuck but but like but i but it was such a because you all the women there most of them had those outies that i don't think you would like no man no maybe that's a mexican thing i don't know did you know if those fingers had gone in your mouth i they wouldn't have gone in my mouth. I like to imagine that I'd have stopped her before they got in there, but I'd have smacked her. I'd have definitely shoved her. I'd have definitely shoved her off of me in a really aggressive – like not the shove that you'd normally – like I'd have shoved her hard.

Like maybe like 80% shove, like she goes across the room. Oh, I'd have like put a foot on her lower belly to keep her at bay. You'll kill the baby then. I can find a defense. I started off being polite in my head. I was like, yeah, old lady dancing is not what I'm looking for, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Yeah. But when she begins the biological warfare.

I've never experienced that. I've been in like those rooms in like Florida and places like that. And the chicks, you know, will fuck you or blow you or whatever. And they'll show you their pussy and like i i i've often been like lucky enough to get to go to those places with a guide so like i won't say the guy's name but like i was with a guy who was very well known and like a hundred millionaire and and we go to his club like that changes your experience totally because he's like hey this guy's with me and this is a guy who probably drops you know ten thousand dollars a month in this club and so all the girls are like i guess

they think i'm a hundred millionaire and and she's back there she's like she's like you want some of this and she's not even supposed to take her bottoms off you know it's a it's a wonderful experience and these are like eights out of ten i would say you know these are these are hot fucking strippers that don't i've never had an old mexican lady expose me to her her pussy juice though and i would not that would be kindly i wonder if she converts many clients right but there are many people like well now that i've had a taste you know what you might be diabetic. This is so sweet. This is fantastic.

It tastes like flan. Yeah. It tastes like flan. It's probably conventionary. I want to ask you guys, what would you have done? Because I know what he did. I started to think what I would have done. What would you have done to sanitize your mouth?

Before anything, I would have walked out of there and open mouth kissed you. Because we're in this together. Oh, good one, by the way. I would have respected that. I would have respected that. Hey, guess what? Now we both have to go to the doctor. You can't drop me off. We're going to go to this bullshit Tijuana clinic

and they're going to check us out and give us some bootleg penicillin or whatever. so i would have done that and then probably assaulted you because like if it happened in the u.s i wouldn't but i'm like this is fucking mexico like i'm gonna get away with it i'm going right to the bar and ordering like a double shot of bacardi 151 and i'm spitting it on the floor. That's way better than gargling hand sanitizer that I was about to do. Yeah, yeah. Just straight fucking 151 is like 76% alcohol or whatever.

I'm fucking gargling. I'm carefully not swallowing or anything. God, I'm starting to gag a little. He went straight. He did one gargle with tequila, spit it out, and then did two shots of tequila just to kill whatever was going down. Genius.

By the way, I apologize to him. I don't usually apologize for practical jokes because, like you said, something could have caught something that he could have had permanently. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Life-al what I mean? Yeah.

Life altering. A number of STDs, that's all it takes. And that's not what I, I'm not, for me. Hang on a minute. You had that other man digitally raped. And it is raped by the letter of the law, by the way, with buffalo sauce. Again, that was off script. That was off script. That will not hold up in the court of law.

You play a dangerous game, Josh Wolfe. Did you check her Better Business Bureau stats? You hired her? Her LinkedIn mentioned none of this. All it said is, I'll wrestle you. How was I to know there was oil checking involved? Her LinkedIn just says, sticky bitch from I to know there was oil checking involved? Her LinkedIn just says,

Sticky bitch from 01 to 2017. What does that mean? What has she been doing this whole time? Chicken wings never far away. These aren't requisites to any kind of job. Yeah, it's so funny. That's funny. I heard David Spade on the Stern Show once, and he was talking about Chris Farley,

who, of course, he was super close with for years, and he was talking about Chris Farley, who, of course, he was super close with for years. And he was talking about doing shows in Canada and how, like, after the show or the night before the show, they'd go to a strip club. And Chris Farley's running joke that he would do with, like, whoever was new in their little group who was, like, touring with them and they didn't really know really well, he'd go to the biggest, fattest, ugliest stripper in the the place and he'd duke her out like a grand and be like hey that guy over there he's your job tonight i no matter what he says you're on him and and he would he would basically just hire a fucking stripper assassin to be on this guy like like all over him like she doesn't ask if he wants a dance she dances yeah she's all over i love you a fun friend to have i love that yeah he that he sounds more fun than me to tell you the truth yeah definitely so he didn't david spade didn't

mention the the the the herpes that he that he contracted during one of farley's pranks or anything like i said that that went a little that but i mean the look on his face when she came out, I knew something had gone terribly wrong. How old was she? He said up to 40. Mid to late 40s. So in Mexican years, she was 65, something like that. They age well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what's funny is when he called her, like she came out of the kitchen. So it's not like she was a normal stripper. It sounds like she was like when the place is packed, they bring her out from behind the grill, and they're like, hey, Esmeralda. Like a sopapilla seasoning on her hands. We're going to need you tonight. It's like they go to the bullpen.

We're calling in the righty. Esmeralda, come on in. There's no way I would have been taken to... His purification method, like you're in mexico i don't know you know how what better you could do than take shots of tequila but i don't know how many shots it takes to fill up a human stomach and i think kyle's gonna be the one who comes down the same side as me like i'm drinking until i vomit and then i'm drinking again like i need to know every inch of my stomach touch that's interesting whatever it was like i don't think i don't think that works man dude it would give it

would make me feel better like two little shots i'm gonna jump up and down and hope that it coats everything i don't know how the shit works i don't know i know i know based on last week's show if i i could have fucking blown an aids patient and i'd have been a-okay to drink so fucking much jesus christ did you drink a lot? Yeah, we did a drinking episode last week. And when I say drinking episode, none of us really drink that much. I drink maybe two drinks a week or something.

If I get home late, I'll have a drink and go to bed. Taylor probably drinks on weekends, occasionally a few beers. Woody is a non-drinker. And I really do mean that legitimately. And when we do a drinking episode here, we force ourselves to do many, many shots. and by the time the night was over i drank an entire fifth of vodka uh and a little bit more yeah yeah yeah i i don't know 25 shots there's 30 shots or something whatever it was we only do it a couple times a year at most because

you just it's just awful the next day because nobody wants to watch like yeah they get like reasonably drunk like at one point i could almost tell that they were you know getting tipsy like it's not like fireside whiskey it's like getting tanked forcing each other to drink when we don't want to yeah and then of course talking about whatever the hell online they said i had european shot glasses is that a thing our shot glass is not standardized everywhere now that they're not standardized like like so this this is a two are shot glasses not standardized everywhere no they're not standardized like like so this this is a two ounce shot glass um and if you fill it up to the top um but there's one ounce shot glasses and there's there's two and a quarter ounce shot glasses these is where

i was drinking all night um i didn't even know i was having smaller shots than the group well the normal shot like i used to work i think it's an ounce or that's what they go by the ounce. Yeah. Is what we do here, I think, is an ounce. Yeah. Like at a bar, if you had a shot, I think it would be an ounce. Yeah. I don't drink either, though. I'm just a weed guy.

You know, and I like, but I agree with you. Like, I do a show every Monday night from my backyard called The High Live. And so it's like a weird science experiment. yard called the high live and so it's like a weird science experiment you get to watch someone go from 100 over over an hour become like go to he shouldn't be in public so you watch the transformation of high and so you go from zero to 100 in an hour and it's really broken down into quadrants really zero to 15 to 15, I'm not high. I'm just kind of getting the juices flowing. 15 to 30, you can see it's starting to hit me.

From 30 to 45 is the real sweet spot. But from 45 minutes on, if you want to see a legitimately stupid fucking person try to read comments and not get distracted, it's a it's a crazy but i like i get 20 000 people that watch me every monday nice how do you smoke it is it just a like weed that you burn in a pipe like i guess a flower are you smoking flower or concentrated doing edibles like i take an edible before the show. How many milligrams? It's 100 milligrams. Holy fuck!

All right, then. You have Kyle's attention in my ignorance. That hits me right around the 30-minute mark, which is why 30 to 60 is like... Is this even fun for you? Or are you like, you feel the point of the high no longer being fun and you're like, I'm doing the high live. Keep it going so you gotta be smoking every day hey i am an edible guy

i only smoke on mondays for the highlight okay but yes it's really fun for me man because i like i like isn't the right word i love the unknown i love the i don't know how this is gonna go tonight i love i love that i i think it's what people tune in for you know i watched that show do you go ahead and plug that it's on my on my facebook fan page but also it's on my youtube channel cool um and it's every monday night at seven o'clock if you want to watch live and chime in and it's a really cool community, man. You can tell different people come to watch different

15-minute blocks. Do you stream on YouTube? I'm going to start streaming on YouTube next month, but right now I just stream on Facebook. Obviously, Facebook isn't. I don't know if YouTube will give you any flack for streaming and smoking.

I know there are marijuana channels where guys, and it's a great idea. We had one of the guys who does it on before. He reviews different strains of marijuana and pipes. I guess if you're a weed head, he gets an infinite number of fucking

pipes. To me, that seems really cool like whatever you're into if you can make your uh your uh your job you know be what you you enjoy and be getting a lot of free fucking like stuff to go along with that's that's a good gig dude i get free weed and like i said to have i don't know how many people watch the video throughout the week but to try to the funny thing is is watching me try to hi try to interact with 20 000 people is like a shit show because their comments are coming up about something i said 10 minutes ago but i don't fucking remember what i said 10 minutes ago

so it's like a whole new situation for me i'm like i don't even the the phrase for the show that people repeat to me all the time on the road is, because I guess I say it about 100 times, I don't even know what that means. I read a comment, I'm like, I don't have any idea what that means. But as I've gotten older and done this more, it's one of the reasons

that I love podcasts. I love things that are the same but different every time you do them. You know that this is your show show and you're comfortable doing it. It's the same, but it's different. So you never get bored. You're not, it's not super monotonous like a job at a bank where you're doing the same thing and the same thing. You're going to the same place and doing the same fucking thing every day.

You guys are going to the same place, but different shit happens depending on who you've got on this end. I love things that are the same fucking thing every day you guys are going to the same place but different shit happens depending on who you've got on this end i love things the same but different it's what keeps me going in this job for sure you hire right now um i'm gonna be in about 45 minutes oh that sounds nice would you like no no it wasn't accusatory or anything i was just curious because i know like oh we fully support you uh you you know doing doing whatever you'd like to do over there if you want to if you want to get altered i i um i can show you the the edibles that i get so i get these 175 millimeter milligram edibles that i eat the 100 milligram edible on stage my late show on saturday what is it is it a brownie a cookie a gummy bear cheap bear? It's called Cheep-A-Chew. It's like a little Tootsie Roll.

Okay. And it's just tiny, tiny, tiny. And I'll eat 100 milligrams while I'm on stage. Just so I want everybody to know I'm not pretending,

I'm not faking. And I always do it Saturday night late shows. So if anybody likes to see, and Saturday night late show is like an hour different it's all different than saturday early but i just like it because you know i just say and do things i would never say and do and then i find jokes you know a lot of those tags for that story

i found high i found them high because i'm on stage and I'm not restricted by what I think the story is supposed to do or where I think it's supposed to go. I get rid of all the written rules that I have as a comic. My rigid rules. And when I'm high, I get rid of them. And it loosens it up to really give the story a little bit of sauce. And if you do bomb, who gives a fuck? Exactly! You're too high to even know.

You're like on the way home being like, did that go well? That usually goes well. I'm sure it's fine. By the time The Edibles hits is usually when I've picked up my guitar. My last 15 minutes are with the guitar. And I know when I say that,

people are like, oh my God, that sounds terrible. But it's not like a, it just gives it a full show. But when I say that, people are like, oh, my God, that sounds terrible. But it's not like a – it just gives it a full show. But when I'm high, it's so much fun. It's just like – I'm just – yeah. I'm curious, like, because I know you have kids. I'm not sure how old they are now. How do you broach the subject of weed with them?

Because they must know that you use it often. Do you, like, give them pep talks? Like, hey, I'm doing this because it's for you know i do it with my job but you need to be wary you know it's still a drug be careful with it the way you would alcohol or like how have you found that difficult to handle or not really well you know in this state you have to be 18 to get your medical license and i ran into my son in the store where I buy my weed because he's old enough and I walked in and I go hey man and he turned around he goes oh hey I go what are you doing here he goes I think the same thing you're doing and then he put his wallet away I go what are you doing he goes well you're here you're buying right I was like no dude like we didn't just leave your little league

game man you know what I mean I'm not buying you three scoops of OG Kush. This is not Baskin and Robbins. That's not how this works. You know, you can have a Capri Sun and a Horn Slice, I guess, if you want. But I would much rather have my kids smoke than drink. Much rather. I think that's fair. If I think of the – just think of the decisions you make when you're high and the decisions you make when you're drunk.

The only challenge I'd put there. Yes. It's not legal in this state. Right. So if they drink, there's not really heavy legal ramifications that come with them. I don't know what kind of trouble you can get into. I think it's a misdemeanor in North Carolina. So I think it's a ticket.

Oh. For most marijuana charges now, I know they decriminalized it in St. Louis where I live. think it's a misdemeanor in north carolina so i think it's a ticket oh for most like marijuana charges now i know they decriminalized it in st louis where i live like you kind of have to be a drug dealer to get in trouble like someone who sells large amounts of weed whereas if some joe blow out there buys a little bit for himself they're not going to waste the time i take it they'll give you i think it's a 250 ticket is is what I heard. We know a guy in Illinois, I'm talking about white boy, who avoided some real trouble. Because the way they found it turned out to be illegal search or something.

So he didn't get any trouble at all. Yeah, he was swatted. But he was facing... He was? Yeah. Well, he was swatted and when they came in, they discovered a bag of marijuana and there were some pending charges, but obviously

got thrown out because you know there wasn't a legit search they were there under stupid ridiculous pretenses so you know it got thrown out i don't i don't guess they gave him his bag back but you know nothing came of it and part of the they found more than an ounce and he's not a dealer no one thinks he's a dealer but he is an avid smoker i think that's fair to say i'm not looking to throw him under the bus. So he's just the kind of guy who would own more than an ounce for himself. Yeah. Well, I've had TSA.

I travel with edibles. I've had TSA take my edibles out of my bag before. Really? There was one time she took the edibles out of the bag and she held them up like this. Because almonds, they'll take them out of your bag and she held them up like this because almonds they'll take them out of your bag because they could they look like a bomb because they're a mass that they can't x-ray through almonds so some almonds a bag of almonds and so i had my almonds near my podcast stuff so it was a mass with wires so they went through my carry-on and near my near my uh my almonds where's my weed because that's where i

keep my snacks next to you know next to each other yeah and uh she took a bag of probably 15 edibles out she held them up and she said do you want to talk about this and i said you know only if you do do they smell like pot how does she know they're They're not Tootsie Rolls. Because it says. Oh. And it's in a city. I won't say which city it was in because I don't want to get anyone in trouble. But it was in a city where weed is legal. So I'm sure they know what it is.

And she said, are you planning on taking these on the plane? And I said, I'll eat them all right now if you want me to. Like, you know, I'm a team player. Just make sure somebody wakes me up when I get to New York is all I'm saying. You've got to get one of those guys in the car to drive me to my gate. It's hallucinating. As long as there's a wheelchair waiting for me when I get off, I think we're good. If you need me to eat them all right now, I will.

But it's so not a big deal, you know. But interestingly, even though I'm pro- weed and i'm not a drinker i still feel weird smoking weed i still i've not smoked weed with my kids do you know what i mean yeah on paper you would think oh it's not a big deal because my son's 21 i'd have a beer with him i just still think it's weird to light up a joint with him for some reason like the stigma of it or like the smoking act of like yeah this still probably isn't very good for me yeah maybe i don't really know i really don't know why it's such a big deal my oldest son is in the army so he's not he's not a weed guy at all but my daughter my other

daughter and my my daughter and my other son are they both like weed but they're both you know my kids man i don't know if you know anything about me i met a woman who had two kids we had a kid together i kicked her out but i kept all three kids so i kept her two kids and my kid i was a single dad for a long time and then i met my current wife and so my kids are old man like i have more kids with the current wife because you're collecting a lot of children at this point no no no i yeah i yeah no and then i left some uh ice cream cones on the front step they just kind of gather

i'm going to the store Don't pick up any more kids. Got it. This one follows me home. But so I have old kids. So my oldest son is in the army and he's done a tour in Afghanistan and done the whole thing. And I got a daughter and I got a son. They're all over 21. Did the tour mess him up at all? You mean did he come back for something he didn't leave with yeah you know a little little stress a little different view yes different view entirely yes

um it was a very interesting um transformation, yeah. But I completely understood it. And it was one of the, do any of you have kids? I have two. I'm the only one. So, you know, I guess it never really dawned on me so specifically. I guess it was just kind of understood that one of your jobs is to keep your kids safe. And it was the first time any of my kids, even though he was older and not lived there, he wasn't a plane ride away. He wasn't two hours away from me to come in and save the day if he needed me.

And for that to be so far out of touch for me and in a literal war zone was a complete mindfuck. And then I remember talking to him, and he basically said to me one time, we were Skyping, and he basically said, I've got to stop you right here because I was asking him all these questions. And I go, what's up? He goes, I can't call you and have you seem worried.

I'm already worried. I can't have you worried. This can't be this conversation. I need to call you and forget about my worry. So if you're going to add more stress, we're not going to talk. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. But I, but it was so direct. It was so, and that was one of the first changes. I was like, Oh, he would have never said that something like that to me three months ago. But there, know when you're out there worrying i can't even imagine but when you wake up every morning and there's a thought in your mind like all right just gonna stay alive that's gotta fuck you up a little bit even if nothing ever happens oh yeah just the concern

just the concern i think has to fuck you up in some way, shape, or form, or change you. Fuck you up might not be the right words, but... Were you happy when he was like, I'm going to join the Army? Or were you kind of like, well, let's think this through, see if this is really a good idea? Or were you supportive the whole time because you could tell that was what he wanted? Well, my first question, because I wanted to know, was why? And if I didn't like the reason... You know, I wouldn't say I would try to talk him out of it. I don't try to talk my kids out of too much. When they were very young, all of my kids got

shocked by an outlet because I told them once, hey, don't stick your finger in there. But I never stopped him. I was like, hey, don't stick your finger in there because if you stick your finger in there, it's going to hurt. And you know when a kid will look at you and slowly do it like this? Yeah. I would be like, okay. And I would just sit. And all of them got shocked.

That's how I learned. Yeah. That's how I learned about the stove, my dad. How else are you gonna learn so but like so yeah that i for me always learning by what was his reason can you share it why did he join the army i said why and he said um okay so when my ex and i split up he had uh he was the one that really went and lived with her as he got older. He was in college. It was his first semester in college. He was up in Washington State. He called me. He said, I'm dropping out. I said, why?

He goes, I'm going to fail out. I was like, dude, it's the first week. Are you already failing out? I don't know how you do that. I haven't kept up with the syllabus explanation. failing out like that i don't know how you i haven't kept up with the syllabus explanation have you taken a test yet how do you fail in the first week but he just said i have no discipline i have no i have no ability to structure myself and i need to go somewhere where that's going to happen now i was prepared to tell him hey can we can we find why? Because wars were happening. What year is this roughly? Six years ago.

Yeah, okay. Seven years ago maybe. No, happening. Yeah, happening. Yeah, I follow. And so that was the thing. But when he said that, i couldn't argue with that he had a real reason that for me to to actually be able to live my life i need some hard discipline and structure

right now or it's not going to be good for me and like do i want him to go and and am i am i do i respect and honor his choice and is he braver than i've ever I, do I respect and honor his choice? And is he braver than I've ever been? And do I respect and honor the people who are in uniform? Of course. Did I want my son to go overseas and do a war zone? Of course not. Of course not.

So it was really like, but it was what he wanted to do. Join the National Guard. You know who has a lot of discipline? The Coast Guard. That's still a little risky, Woody, with those Somali pirates inching closer and closer. How about the Park Rangers? You know what? Not terrible.

You know what? Greenpeace. A lot of discipline. A lot of structure. That's true. They throw stinky sponges at whale ships. Yeah. You know that TV show where they protect the whales?

I like a Japanese guy who's not... Have you ever seen those clips of the Greenpeace people who are used to dealing with other American or European ships or something, and they attack them and throw this stinky stuff? Every once in a while, they accidentally go up against one of the Japanese ones, and they don't play that shit. They'll fire water cannons back and actively fight back. It's hilarious.

That's Whale Wars you're thinking about. I love Whale Wars. That's Whale Wars. That's Paul Watson. That's that Paul Watson guy. Yeah, that happened to that show. Remember when there were four of those shows going on at the same time? The fucking Whale Wars? It was mostly Whales. Yeah, yeah.

It's got... When you watch the intro to the show, you're like, holy shit, these are some badass motherfuckers. Because the intro music is like, the world is a vampire. And there's a montage of these guys up on the prowl of the ship with the white salty air in their hair. And they're just riding the waves like, yeah, there's the Japs. They look so bad. Then you watch the show and they're like,

there's this guy with the weakest mustache you've ever seen and he's like, we're almost there, sir. Prepare the water balloons. We're like, wait, what? We're not going to shoot them? We don't even have one of those big harpoons to impale someone? No? We're not going to ram them? No, they're throwing water balloons and

stink bombs and shit. Always made me laugh. It's it's like their ship i don't know what the speed is call it 19 miles an hour they're chasing down ships that go 18 and a half miles an hour yeah so it's like six and a half hours where they slowly inch up on them this is the most boring car you could tell that like most like half the guys who were on that boat were just there to fuck the chicks who were there to save the whales. And then they realized that the kind of chicks who were there to save the whales are not the kind of chicks that they were after. And now they're just stuck on this boat somewhere in the fucking Arctic Sea with Paul Watson and his bitch boy with the mustache. I watched a lot of that show, but I never saw an episode that was – How could you waste your time?

Dude, it was – we watched it. Like everybody I knew was into it. We watched every single episode, and you were always waiting on something to actually happen, and nothing ever did. Sometimes it did. The biggest thing that ever happened is Paul Watson pretended to get shot. No, the biggest thing that ever happened is, like, come two, three seasons in,

they got this nimble little fast boat. And this one was like a cigarette boat almost. But it looked like a badass cigarette boat. It had, like, armor on it. It was, like, sealed on the top. And they could chase down boats and do nothing, I guess. Hey! Stop! Yeah! they could chase down boats and do nothing i guess so hey stop yeah oh what what is a white man scream at me not even because they're like indoors like undercover

like hey knock it off from inside so they run down to the they catch the ship right because they're catching this giant like ocean liner type, and they're in a little cigarette boat. They catch it, and the big boat runs them over and slices it in half and sinks them. What? Yeah. Yeah. Shit went down.

Yeah, they had some sort of rescue outfits on. They were prepared for this, and they got plucked out of the sea, and they lost their expensive cigarette boat. and they got plucked out of the sea and they lost their expensive cigarette boat. I bet you a whale clit is probably bigger than you would. Because I've seen the picture of the blue whale penis, which is like a boat. But the whale, are you going to Google whale clit?

I hope not. I'm way ahead of you, buddy. Like it's not in our favorites already. I guess I'm way ahead of you, buddy. Like it's not in our favorites already. I guess I'm maybe drunk. The first thing that popped up, this article called Getting to Know Whale Vaginas in Seven Steps. Can I guess what they are? Seven Steps.

Yeah. If you go to Bing, it's just a bunch of fat woman's pussies. Seven Steps of a Whale? Okay, well first first has got to be like the the the labia majora right the outside you would think leverage victorian's obsession with sea creatures i don't know i've got a good one right here here's a an artist rendition of what it probably looks like oh i like it it doesn't have a um the site i'm on doesn't have a picture or a size but it does say this the blue whale's clitoris is in fact the longest known in the animal kingdom the vagina is six to eight feet long quite sufficiently roomy to accommodate the 10 foot

long whale penis known as a dork a d? So that's what they were calling me. A magnificent penis throughout elementary school. I have so many. So six feet long. That's not... Six to eight. Does it give any width to? This will require more searching.

You're going to exert analysis? Largest clitoris in the world. What's the yaw? The yaw of the shark? Oh, Kyle, look at those two links I just sent. I see. I don't know if you can show those yet. Yeah, there's some sort of an animated whale who's like...

He's in like a runner's stance, like a three-point stance, very seductive, with the largest, like... I don't know how to describe the penis other than saying it looks like a tentacle emerging from its crotch and and if you look closely he has some sort of a sailor's tattoo on his ass and they gave him fingers which i don't care for you don't like the whale with fingers no i like his doomy eyes. We know a whale with fingers. He's an asshole. I honestly can say that I a six to eight foot

vagina. A blue whale's clitoris is up to three feet long. It's taller than me. Do you think there are any guys who are super into bestiality who really want to get up in there? I just linked you to cartoon images of whales sexualizing. There are people out there.

Look at how much detail they put into that fake asshole. They get their class 3 scuba certification. They get their rebreather and they're down there chasing after whale pussy. Trying to get in it with their entire body. A hundred percent chance.

Some dude, a hundred percent chance. Some dude was like, guys, you know what I'm going to try to do? I'm going to get scuba certified, and I'm going to swim and do a whale's pussy. China. Yeah, and you know his friends are like, That's how you die. What if he died?

No, no, no. Once you get in the pussy, the whale dives. Oh. Goes to the depths of the ocean. Would you be pressure equalized within the vagina, the vaginal bowel?

See, this is, you're not considering the clear solution, which is making a tampon of sorts. So you have a long stream with a flotation ball at the end that inflates when you pull something. So you tuck yourself in there with the rope around your waist. And then once you're nestled

in the whale pussy, you stick your arm out, pull the thing, and you let the rope go up to the top. So then when you need to escape, you just pull yourself out through the rope. Ah, just like the Jules Verne novel. You know where I stole it from. Could you, you could kind of paramotor in and paramotor out.

You put, give yourself a little motor on the back. You'd hydromotor in? I was working for, looking for a way to work that into the show. Thanks for the entry. Yep, yep, yep. No pun intended. That would be, if you were into trying to sneak into a whale's vagina, it'd be difficult to get your certifications.

You'd have to be like, alright, well you're certified, Mr. Stevenson. Yeah, but I need to do the class where I can do it by myself. Like, no one around for preferably miles. It seems like if you had scuba gear in there, you could enter the whale vagina and then as you breathe, it would eventually

fill up and become a room that you could be happy in. Right? It would just inflate the room I don't know my bible that well are you sure he had scuba gear Jonah and the whale an erotic tale dude I bet a whale pussy would like squeeze hard enough to like

suffocate you you know there's a lot of mistranslations in that Old Testament. You know, there could have been. When it says that he went into the fish, and we know it's a whale, maybe a fish scent. You know, the gaping maw of the beast. Maybe Jonah was gay and he didn't want to do it. Gaping maw. These are theories that Woody's parents need to know about.

Gaping ma. These are theories that Woody's parents need to know about. Gaping Ma sounds pretty gross. I've seen some Gaping Ma's on the internet. Yeah, that might be a website already, Gaping Ma. Oh, I wanted to ask you about this. I saw a clip where you were talking about, oh, I love fucked up shit. I like looking at fucked up shit on the internet. I like looking at like weird odd things we all enjoy that as well yeah what uh what are some of your because everybody has like go-to

categories like i love for example i love watching animals maul people to death when they were fucking with the animal and the animal just does what's natural what are your categories that you like that are fucking okay i'll tell you it really kind of depends on time of year what's happening right now i know it's that time of year seasonal so right now we're in the sec fans fighting with each other in the stands season which is so fun when you see sec fans and I'm a college football fan, but nobody scraps in the stands like the SEC fans. They go at it. And, yo, you're going to see every week a good couple videos of three or four people tumbling down 30, 40 stairs at once just in an all-on brawl. Or you get a good one where a mouthy chick gets too drunk and she screams at a cop and pushes him.

And it's the kind of person who's never been told no. And then the cop tells them no in a very quick, succinct, effective manner. Yes. And there was a clip of that a few years ago that went super viral. This Alabama fan, or maybe Ohio State, I don't recall, but fuck to the cop. The cop did not hesitate, just popped her, and everybody was freaking out. Oh, it was great. That's a good category.

That's this time of year for me, sports fans. And when professional football really gets in the swing of things, I love watching Bills fans just do weird shit. Jumping on tables and shit, yeah. That are on fire. Yeah. They're bad decision makers over there in buffalo i've got nothing to lose as a bills fan it's so like i like that stuff i

like that stuff a lot and then you know i'm always looking for a practical joke and seeing what other people do to each other but like i like to watch videos of things that people do to passed out people the creative ways the toy story one always makes me laugh you've seen that one right i haven't no what is it but guys you can there's multiple ones where guys are so fucked up that their friends put like a little woody from toy story hat on them and they tie strings to them they move his arms up and down it's like really fucking funny but it's it's back to school season so there's just a so many it's such a deep pool of drunk white dudes doing dumb shit that is just it's one of my favorite categories because i was one of

those guys i just we just didn't have phones. You know what I mean? So I like all that. I just went through – I always like looking at videos of guys who think they can jump out of a window into a tree and that will break their fall. Have you seen those videos? I've seen accidental ones, yeah. Dude, the ones where they try to do it on purpose and grab a branch, and they just hit every branch on the way down.

Low success rate on that move. 0%. That's low. They disappear for like two seconds, and then you just see their limp body fall out of the tree. It's like one of my favorites. I'll tell you this. Nobody's ever eaten a whole bag of Chiba Chews at an airport

and then tried to jump into a tree. Nope, that has never happened. No, never. People have eaten a whole bag of Chiba Chews in an airport and thought they saw a tree on a plane. That happened. But they ended up being okay after a brief panic attack. The worst thing about me flying high is that the flight attendant hates me. Because I'm always like, bong! You got any chips? Bong! How about some

cookies? Bong! Hey, a little more ice? Bong! I always, when I'm high, I always tell the flight attendant, hey, so don't hate me. And if you could just bring a lot of food right now, I won't bing you every fucking ten seconds. Put it on the Boggs

account. Well, let's keep it coming. Keep it coming. Keep it coming. Now, I'm not asking you right now. I'm just asking questions. Is there a personal limit of peanuts that I could get on this whole flight? 10 bags?

15? Yeah. Man, if I were a flight attendant, I would give people whatever they wanted to keep them out of my hair. Yes. It seems like a super annoying job. As a waiter, you and I are on the same team. We're on team good service big tip. Yes.

The man over there, the man wants you to have less salsa. But me, I will hook you the fuck up with salsa. I'll fill this whole table with salsa. You know, anything that I can get you for free, I'm getting it for you. As your server, anything that I can be like, hey, listen, this is going to be between us. Because honestly, it's not like I'm a company man

with points in the company. I want my money now. So if the company's, if I'm giving away a free burrito and that's extra $5 for me, that's a free burrito for you. The kind of employee every company wants the lowest level for their own gain i ever eat with an x server they're always big tippers

that they know what the heck they're doing you know like we were running outside all day long right we're hot sweaty whatever we go to the restaurant it's not a classy joint and he's like we're gonna want two drinks right here save us us both time. Yeah, I love it. So they're rolling in two drinks or keeping them coming. Yeah, I don't know. I like good stories. You know what I hate?

Those stories. And I don't know if this is one of those big talking myths that people say or if people actually do this because it's so bafflingly rude to me that people would. Have you ever talked to someone who's like, oh yeah, what I do

or what my dad or whoever does is at the beginning of the meal, they'll put $20 on the table in singles. And then if they do something bad, they start taking money off of it. And I'm like, dude, this is, first of all, I never want to meet your dad. Now your dad sounds like a cunt. Your dad is, let me tell you, if no one's ever told you, your dad's a fucking cunt. And a bully, by the way. A fucking bully. Did I not see it on Seinfeld? George went back and took money. George had made a lot of money on a stock deal or something like that. And he was like, ah, it's on me.

He's paying for coffee and a bagel or something like that. But then he takes two steps away and he's like, I'm not that generous. And he goes back and takes $2 back off the table. And they catch him. Yeah, but that's something I can't believe. Kramer got caught in the Calzone episode. No, no, no.

George got caught taking the tip back out of the tip jar in the Calzone episode because the guy didn't see him put the tip in, and he figures if he didn't see me put the tip in, then what's the fucking point? Because he was trying to buy some goodwill. You know, that's an interesting question. I just had that conversation with my brother the other day. We were at Starbucks, and I took a little bit to put the tip in the jar.

He was like, let's go, man. I go, hold on a second. He goes, let's go, man. And I waited until they turned around to put the tip in the jar. He's like, what are you doing? I go, well, they've got to see the tip going. And he said, why? And I said, well, they got to see the tip going. And he said, why? And I said, well, I obviously tip everybody because I have the next server.

But then when I come back in and I tip well, I would like what comes with being known as being a good tipper. And that doesn't make you bad. You're regularly going somewhere. You need to make sure they know, ah, it's Jock. We'll take care of him a little quicker because he gives a fuck. Yes, if I'm going to go out of my way to tip well, I would like the benefits with what comes with that.

Yeah, one thing I do... Just throw in handfuls of change, loudly. So they don't know. And then what I do is I also go, here! I think of myself as a professional tipper. I'm going to pick up the whole jar and shake it in. I know that some places, like if you buy something with your card, like if you buy the meal with your card and you write in the tip,

like they're not getting that whole tip in some places. Like they'll get fucked over. I can't do that. Never mind. No, you cannot, my friend. Yeah. I can't continue with that thing, what I was going to say. I caught myself, Chiz.

Don't worry. I'll write why I can't continue. Do you guys, do all of you? Got it. Got it. But the whole tipping thing. Probably a good idea. Have you guys ever had to have, maybe I'm very fortunate in the friends I have

that every one of them I know of, I don't check their checks, but I assume they're all tipping. Have you ever had to have a conversation with someone about tipping, like almost Reservoir Dogs style? With my dad? With my dad? With my dad.

Throw a buck in. I don't believe in it. With my dad. Because they just came from a generation where, and I told them, I go, look, all of your kids have been servers. So just so you know, this is not okay. What you're leaving isn't okay. And I don't want to embarrass you, but I will leave money on top of your money if you don't tip better. And that is not an indictment on you.

And that should embarrass you. And it was a total indictment on him but how low is he tipping oh for me 15 isn't enough as somebody who worked in a restaurant 15 i'm tipping out five percent at least so at the most i'm only getting 10 anyways which isn. So 20% is like the bare minimum. You have to be such a bad server for me to give you less than 20%. Like you have to actively do a fucking shitty job for me. So let me tell you a quick story about the instance where I gave zero tip. Yes, I've got one too. She got her drink order wrong three times, and this was a very simple drink order.

I kept having to be like, no, no, no. A sweet tea. I see it. It's over there. I mean, I could go get it. She gets it wrong three times. First, it's a Coke. Then it's unsweet tea.

Then it doesn't have ice. And I was like, why didn't you put the ice in it? It's iced tea. And the whole time, we're thinking. It's got two ingredients, and they're both in the name and the whole time my girlfriend and i the whole time my girlfriend and i we smell something and and it's the point where we're both checking our shoes to see if we stepped in dog shit you know we're having that conversation like like i think would be, like, embarrassed if they smelled a smell.

Like, oh, is it me? Is it her? But, you know, I've been dating this girl for a year. I'm like, hey, you smell that? She's like, yes. I was like, did we step in shit? And we're both checking our shoes. And the waitress comes back with the drink order wrong for the second time.

And I'm like, it's her. When she goes back to fix it for the third time, she got zero tip. She got zero tip. There was something else. The appetizers didn't come out for, like, 30 minutes. her when she goes back to fix it for the third time she got zero tip she got zero tip there was something else the appetizers didn't come out for like 30 minutes the appetizer came out and we and it was like lukewarm and then like two minutes later the the main came out and she she got no tip she smelled like poop i'm pretty sure she had shat herself yeah that's by the way you don't have to go past that yeah that's that's the zero tip i wasn't on your team until the poop thing came yes to

gain to fruition i the one one i can remember i didn't give a zero tip i gave a tiny tip like a dime i didn't want to think it was an accident and there you go yeah so i was mad so i was young this is a long time ago call me 24 and um i don't like like a really noisy environment whatever so i was like hey can we sit here and she said no like she won't sit us there was a part of the restaurant that was closed and it's like lunchtime like i don't know why but she won't sit us there and i was like are you sure like we're not messy or anything we don't have kids and she's like no you can't sit there that part's closed so she sits us in this loud crowded area and the place is booming. And then they sat the people after us there. And it was like,

you motherfucker, like you just straight up eyeballed me as not worthy. I think. And I chip in because I know a little bit about serving. Did the same way. Did your waitress who told you, no, did she,

was she serving the people in the special area? Because the way it works in restaurants is like each, each waitress has like a zone i don't know i don't remember if it was the same way that way they're that's why they're sat equally that way one person doesn't get eight tables and somebody else gets none but i used to tell my because i ran a place in seattle i used to tell the the hostess like hey try to sit them there but if they want to sit somewhere else fucking sit them somewhere else like i'm not gonna have somebody be mad right off the bat because you're not sitting them in an open booth that they want to sit in do you know what i mean like yeah if we're not packed and whatever yeah that's that's what i always told them because you're you're you're fucking whoever

is waiting on that table right off the bat because already they're mad you know yeah the only i think the only time i've ever given zero was when i went to a place with someone a few years ago and i ordered like a burger and some fucking whatever side and 20 minutes go by. We're one of the only three tables there. And then this lady comes back, sees our empty waters and is like, I'm so sorry. We don't have the onion straws to put on that burger or the barbecue sauce.

Can you, would you like to pick something else? And I'm like, well, I mean, it's been, I didn't say this, but I'm like,

it's been fucking 20 minutes. Like I could have picked something else a long time ago. I'm not that connected to this item. Were you back there like, we've got to whip up some onion straws. He wants this. Like, no, it'll be fine. And so I'm like, just the chicken Caesar salad then. Like, at this point, I'm like, something quick that'll come out about the same time as, like, the other person's meal.

And she goes back another 20, 25 minutes. Like, at this point, we're getting, like, irate. Where it's like, it's been 45 minutes. I've had one cup of water. There's three people in this restaurant because we eating lunch at like 3 p.m on a tuesday and then she comes back and she uh with the food gives a messed up version uh to the other person there and gives me uh a fucking like cob salad or shit like not even the same salad i'm like yeah there's no chicken on here and this isn't the caesar salad she's like oh i'm sorry we ran out of chicken so i thought this was like the best we

could do it's like you're like this do you have food here ma'am yeah yeah you never want to hear somebody be like that's the best we can do i have i have two major still charged me for fries that she didn't bring out yeah no i can't zero's not okay. I have two major restaurant pet peeves. One is at, like, a coffee shop, and one is at a restaurant. The coffee shop pet peeve, which drives me crazy, like, so does when they put the lid on. Don't put your hand on the fucking mouth hole. Somehow put it on without your hand. It's not so hard.

It's only an eighth of the lid why is your hand touching my mouth hole these kids are college grads in women's studies you know that doesn't bother me that doesn't bother you so here's the thing i have this theory about i don't get sick very often like almost never uh it's been maybe two years since i've been sick and i think it's because like for one thing i i wash my hands fairly regularly but i'm not worried if like i drop some food on the floor and i eat it i'm not worried about if like somebody has like put their hand on the top of the thing like i have this idea that you should be getting a good amount of germs into your body all the time there's a woman in mexico i want you to meet oh now that's a virus

that's a virus i don't want that i want i'm okay with bacteria and microbes but no viral uh debt mexican death stew coming out of a stripper twat two fingers of death oh my god god makes a lot of sense i feel like i need to lick some public restroom doorknobs. You know, get a little immunization. Oh, you know what I heard today? So, you know, at the airport, the little gray tray that you put your shit in? They tested those. Those have the highest instances of viruses and bacteria of anything they had done ever tested in these, like, studies that they do. Much higher than toilet seats.

And there's nothing you can do. Yeah, because think about it. Everybody's touching them, and nobody's washing them. Why don't they spray them with this? Ever. TSA? Oh, you're surprised TSA didn't go above and beyond to make sure that the gray trays were sparkling clean?

Good point, good point, good point, good point, good point. As soon as you said TSA, I'm like, got it, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like the most half, like, not to get into a whole libertarian thing, but TSA is a perfect example of like, where like, you need to get rid of a government thing and get a private organization in there. Like there needs to be someone who's making a profit to like secure our airports and fund our children. Yeah. You know, we had a private organization and 9-11 happened. A private organization post-9-11 then, like with that knowledge.

Like, I mean, you know, a lot of things changed. You know, there was the thing, you know, we weren't going to, the thing to do when a plane was taken is do whatever they ask you to do. You know, because the idea was they, you know the the longer you keep them on the line the long you keep them flying around up there in circles the longer they're not hurting people but then they realize oh these these guys are flying the fucking planes into buildings that that shit will never happen again either but i'm with you i think in jobs like that where literal lot hundreds and thousands of lives are on the line. There has to be some sort of incentive for them to do a good job. You know TSA's never found, never caught a terrorist?

And have you read the percentage of bad shit that gets through? It's really high. Absolutely. There's a reason for that. I spoke to the TSA one time. They recognized us in the airport. It was me and some gun guys. They were talking

about that they were hiring people to try to get things through as part of a program. My friend was like, we have a lot of ideas about that. These are guys who build guns and make guns and build explosives legally and make all kinds of explosive devices.

He's like, I'd love to be part of that. He's like, I could totally get something in the handle of this carry-on here. I could put enough plastique inside this to blow the window out of the air. You know, he's going through all these, like, nightmare scenarios. And they're like, could you come in on Tuesday? And he's like, nah, we're working. See you later. But I would have loved to have done that.

But you need some of those people. see you later but i would have loved to have done that but you need some of those people i think you need you because what i read scared because i fly almost every weekend i was like man i wish i hadn't fucking read that because because i'm high on planes i'm nervous enough i don't you know what i mean i don't need to read the article about the percentage of shit you can get through it's just not a thing humans are good at the problem is all the people that don't bring weapons right oddly if you if i were to give you the task of looking at suitcase after suitcase after suitcase after backpack and there nothing happened nothing happened clean clean clean and then one in 5 000 had a bomb one in 50 000000 one in 250,000 is probably a realistic number you would probably

not catch the one in 250,000 because you just go numb from the 249 some have you ever seen like i've seen this before and i like i don't assume they're catching anything anyway because if you ever got a good look at the crew at tsa it's like these this is not an elite task force assigned they pay well-ish. I bet they're probably similar to like DMV employees, something like that. Yeah. I don't think it's great. The quality of the employees seems similar in that regard.

They seem very unhappy. But I've also noticed it where like – Yes. Like you – You know the guy who sits behind a little shield and he presses the button and you see everything going on his screen with like the bright neon lights? I've seen it multiple times like the guy has the finger on the button as things are scanning through and he'll like turn and like talk to another employee and shit's just going through and it's like if i were a terrorist you would have just let me hear like i'd be fine you are a little swarthy i am a little swarthy so you gotta be careful

and i feel like it's one of the if i were if i had a group of terror uh terror cell uh i would i would i would use this little tip that i noticed one time like like a girl i i flew a girl in to see me and she had her sex toys and in a bag and i guess they like popped up on the screen and the lady's like, what's in here? And she goes, butt plugs. And the lady just kind of went, alright. She wanted no part.

She wanted no part of it. All you need is an explosive magic wand and you've got something. A fun little practical joke when you're traveling with somebody is to put a dildo in their carry-on without when they don't know so it gets flagged and then they oh it's so fun to do you've never put a dildo in somebody's carry-on and i don't have dildos offhand to be tossing into bags you just get a

box for the case then they should be not for a joke the commitment you know what i mean it's got battery in it it's so funny it's got a battery in it. It's so funny. It's got a battery. You turned it on right before. Kyle, are you looking to get in? Yeah, it's time to do a little ad read. Tell everybody about Stitch Fix. We'd like to thank Stitch Fix for sponsoring tonight's episode of PKA Style. Some of us don't, but just because

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Very happy with everything I got. The savings was pretty significant when you kept all five. Nice. And what kind of clothes did you get, man? It's everything. I got button-ups and a pair of jeans, but they had a ton of different selections, like whether you wanted graphic tees or accessories. They had belts and socks and stuff like that,

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And a quick little word from me. I mentioned it on PKN, and I'll make this super quick, but I got a SCUMM server, so if you guys want to come play the video game SCUMM with me, it's PKA SCUMM. It's 172.107.179.162

colon 28702 if you want to come play. That's the IP address. But we've been having a lot of fun in there. What is that game? It's like a survival shooter. You're in this Croatian wasteland as a convict

with nothing and you loot for hours to find the basics like machine guns and food and stuff. You have to feed and water your character the whole way through or he'll starve or dehydrate you you piss you shit you have to worry about like your your vitamin levels um and and also like 50 other people who are like somewhere in this 12 kilometer by 12 kilometer world who might be gunning for you to steal all your shit uh i i don't enter the server so that

like our listeners here can come play uh with us so yeah it's it's what i've been playing lately i play i play a few video games i play pub g and uh and that and uh a few rpgs and stuff i'll hop on um you know i do a podcast with freddie prince jr yeah um and uh he's a big sea of uh thieves guy so i'll hop on there with him every now and then um but he loves it he's on freddy's a huge gamer huge huge huge huge huge gamer it's what he does every night at his house he games and he and he's super interactive on xbox no matter what he's he's like open it's pretty fun to watch him get on there but he's like really really really good he was like you know when everybody else in my 20s he was always been a gamer he's never out partying he was always when it wasn't cool to be a nerd he was like people thought you know i was doing she's all

that and i know what she did last summer that I was out partying. Nope, Mario Kart. You know what I mean? Yeah, we played a good bit of CFDs when it first came out. And then PUBG came out, and we all just really got into that. We play on PC. But the cool thing about CFDs was there was cross-platform, so the PC guys could play with the Xbox guys. So I like that a lot.

And it's a huge map. It's enormous. It's an enormous map. And I'm not a huge gamer. So the same thing with Grand Theft. I don't go in to win. I just go in to make people who take it super seriously mad. Because there's room for people like me to do that.

I call that the sandcastle theory so it's the pleasure you get from stomping on a kid's sandcastle that he spent two or three hours putting together and and games that give you that ability to and and this scum game that we've been playing is a really good example of that because someone has been has been playing for three four hours creeping around in this like deserted wilderness looking for firewood and rope and matches so they can cook their meat and then you shoot them once and they're dead and they lose everything and they don't get it back they come back naked like that's it and like that would be my motivation that would be my motivation high risk high fun to take. That would be my motivation.

High risk, high reward. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds like fun, though. Because I don't take, there are some things that I think are important to take seriously. But then everything else, when you put, like, especially video games, everybody, fun and you can try to win. But the level that some people how serious makes me giggle right so not how much you play and not how much you like it but like how angry you get if i know that that makes you angry i would you know that you've got a handhold. Yeah. I'm the youngest of all boys. This is the easiest.

I learned early on, if you loved something, don't let everybody know you loved it because then they're coming for it. I like games that do that. I mean, when you beat someone, they're upset. That's why I liked poker so much.

I played a ton of cash game poker when I was a little younger. And when you beat somebody, you just took $500 or $1,000 off of them. Even guys who are wealthy are just like, fuck. Oh, they're mad. Fuck. They're mad. And of course, it's a poker table, so they try to pretend like they're not.

These aren't like kids on Xbox Live. But I also like it on Xbox Live when you can hear them complaining. Or in this scum game You know there's open chat, so I press B. I'm like haha motherfucker. I've got your shit down They're like fuck you you were lagging and you fuck you and I'm just like I'm not gonna take your shit It's it's it's garbage shit. I'm just cutting it into rags look Can you do it? Yeah, you can just destroy it? I'm putting your gear into rags and I'm going to wipe my ass with it.

Do you know what Freddie says to people when they talk shit, especially kids, 14, 15-year-old kids? And he was like, it's okay, bro. Your mom had a poster of me on her wall when she was growing up. Just know that. Just know that probably when she had sex with your dad, she was thinking about me. Just know that. He goes in hard. And it it's so it makes me laugh oh it's so they probably don't believe him though like i wouldn't believe it like like like if he was like yeah i'm pretty freddie prince jr like

uh no you're not and no i don't i don't believe you i don't believe you that's and that's a silly lie to tell yeah and it's very they're 15 15. They're going to be like, who? Who are you? Go ask your mom. I only know about SoundCloud rappers with facial tattoos. I'm 15. Yeah. The SoundCloud rapper with the facial tattoo is definitely out of my demo.

Yeah, I don't know it either. But I know it seems like another one ends up dead every few months. Yeah, it's out of my data. Yeah, it's out of my data. Since we're talking about gaming, I saw this news article, and it's Fox News, so you know you can trust it. Boy 15 beheaded himself. I'll repeat that. Boy 15 beheaded himself with a chainsaw after losing computer game. Russian

police are investigating claims that a boy beheaded himself with a chainsaw after losing a computer game. According to reports, Pavel Mativ, 15, went into his yard Monday morning before he switched on a chainsaw and sawed off his head. Russian media cited local sources saying

that he was addicted to a computer game that his single mother had bought for him. Even more surprising, bullets through both kneecaps. But first, before he beheaded himself, he tied his hands together behind his back. What? The son of two journalists. Yeah, those things. No, they're journalists. Yeah. Once you got to

about here, I think you're done with it. You would have to set up some forethought into making sure it got all the way through your head. You'd need a Rube Goldberg machine. There's no way it gets through your hole. Because when you hit the spine anyways.

Yeah. I've seen a head taken off with a chainsaw. It's pretty quick. Why? Why have I seen it? Just on the internet. It's one of those Mexican cartel videos. I didn't electively seek it out.

Oh, I've seen that too. I was in a gun store one time and my buddy was working the, and he was like, come around here, check this out. And he played it, and basically the cartel have captured these two guys. I don't know what they've done wrong, probably selling drugs in the wrong place, and they give them the option. Your heads are coming off. You want the knife. You want the saw. If anyone out there has ever given this option, you want the chainsaw because the knife takes a very long time to cut a head

off and the entire time you were like gurgling and in agony the chainsaw i'm gonna say three five seconds somewhere in there it's just but it goes through but so but a a kid doing it himself, I think you get a certain point where you can't hold it anymore. You have to bleed out rapidly. Not the bleeding out. Once you cut your own spine, then you can't use your arms. Yes, that's another thing. Yeah, it seems a little...

Yeah, there's no way. It's on Fox News. I don't know why you guys are doubting this it's clearly true does your head have to fall off all the way to be a decapitation yes because otherwise something called internal decapitations are you doing taylor nope internal decapitation is a real thing i know of a story that's when you sever the spine and it moves around by itself. The spine is totally shattered, but your head's still there, connected by nothing but flesh. That can happen. But that's not a very exciting decapitation, and I choose not to.

Throwing it out there, before Kyle explained that this happened in Russia, where did you think it happened? Because my money was on Florida. Yeah. For sure, somebody's tried to do that to themselves in florida before but i think florida is a good see i was i would have guessed like somewhere else like somewhere with like really rough crime like honduras or brazil or columbia somewhere like suicide though i know but that's my perspective it was like oh it's a suicide like a suicide. Who would elect that method of suicide? If you talk to any person who wants to kill themselves, legit, who's suicidal,

and you go, all right, you can do it, but you've got to use a chainsaw. They're like, you know what? Life really isn't that bad. I'll give it another go. I can't just jump off a building? I can't just pull a trigger? Does anyone know this game that he's playing? No, they didn't mention the name of the game.

I wanted to know so badly. I wanted to hear, like, what if I found out that it was, like, PUBG, and, like, I found out that I was the one who, like, took him out and drove him to fucking chainsaw. And how would that make you feel? I wouldn't give a shit. It's just a fucking game, you pussy.

No need to, don't lose your head over it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why I, like, I like doing that, because I wouldn't like to have someone cut their head off. But I would like to know. They take it so seriously. By the way, that is another subset of videos I like to find online is gamers getting too mad. Throwing controllers through TVs. There's a friend on the show who we could

turn you on to. It's a great YouTube. Oh, you guys, is there a good... Kyle looks like he's about to throw up. Have one for me? I've decided I'm not going to mock him anymore. That's my half New Year's resolution or whatever. I'm not going to give him any shit.

But if you would like to introduce... What kind of New Year's resolution happens on September 5th? Only about two and a half months is a pretty good year. I just want to give it a try. I'm not sure I want to do it all year. I don't want to commit too much. We're doing this on Christmas. Doing a Q4 resolution.

We should start that. I like Q4 resolutions. It's so much easier. Yeah, it really is. Less of a commitment. Something I really feel like I can commit to Q4, I think. I'm taking the holidays off, like December. Russia has several so-called death groups

allegedly inciting children and teenagers to take their own lives whilst playing online games. Have you guys not heard in Russia about basically the fight clubs? They just run around in large groups of young men in tracksuits, yeah. Are fighting each other? Like hooligans.

I didn't know this was a big thing. No, I don't know what it's called, but it is like, and I saw it on, I forget, maybe one of the news magazines on TV, maybe 60 Minutes. But they were basically, they're like, men should fight. This is not that we hate each other, but if you're a grown man and you're not fighting, then you're not a grown man. It's basically the attitude. And they get together and beat the fuck out of each other. Bare knuckles?

Knuckle, feet. There's groups. It's groups. That's it. Fight club just doesn't do as brutally as feet. And by the way, you can deep dive into that. You know another sport you should deep dive? I'm going to deep dive into this.

This looks fun. Here's one you should deep dive. There's a sport that they play once a year in Rome that is is a combination of rugby and mma yes oh have you seen that before yeah there's a lot of ex like felons in that and so they they get into basically a it's like an arena like a gladiator like a coliseum and there's a rugby ball but the only way to advance the rugby ball is to beat the fuck out of each other. The ball plays a small role in this game, it seems. Very small role. But the best way I can explain it is rugby with MMA.

I don't know what the rules are, and I don't know how you win, but I've seen a couple people lose. That's exactly right. Dude, they're all tatted up and shirtless, and they look like they're freaking super felons. Yeah, if you wanted to, I linked the YouTube video. It has some kind of crazy orchestral music that you probably don't want to play, but they have a big free-for-all melee. I think it's literally a melee.

I think that's what you call that, where there's maybe 15 people fighting 15 people, and that's being rather conservative. In the snow, of course, because it's fucking Russia. And everybody's grounded down. this ground and town there's there's there's soccer ball kicking these are pride rules for sure uh it's it's oh dude there are people on the ground and people will literally run up running start kick running start kick yeah it's those it's some of the most brutal but then when you look at this sport, the rugby fight in Rome that they do once a year, it's just – outside of the running kick, it is equally brutal because it's 20 or 30 dudes. I'm watching this video. There are no allies in this video.

I saw like people are just making impromptu decisions where like one guy will just walk into the fight and be like signaling to a guy you know across from him like this guy okay i'll grab him i'll hold him throw him a few punches all right push him on the ground kick him in the head kyle linked a time stamp so you can't tell it's black shirts against white shirts it's just that where we stepped into the video the black shirts are winning so overwhelmingly there's hardly anyone to fight back but if you go to the beginning go to like one minute you don't want to be on team white shirt because everybody who's losing on team white shirt just is putting their coats back on and then yeah they get a black shirt team white shirt oh man at 110 they're very enthusiastic they think that this is a fight no it is not it's. It's over for Team White Shirt.

Yeah. I got the ridiculous Chernobyl letters on a sign. Give me a conservative estimate as to how many minutes you're going to deep dive

into this today or tonight. Dude. I'm definitely going to watch a couple videos. I like fight videos. Yeah. I like

professional fighting. I watch a lot of MMA. And but I'm almost equally interested in amateur fights. I like professional fighting. I watch a lot of MMA. But I'm almost equally interested in amateur fights. And the more amateur, the better. I want to see a 45-year-old pot-bellied guy take on a 25-year-old skinny kid in a McDonald's lobby. I love that.

The only thing is people don't seem to realize that when you get KO'd on the street, you don't catch yourself and you can hit your head on the asphalt hard enough to die. To be a bigger KO, too. Oh, die. To die. I feel like even if you hate the other guy, you should be like, all right, you want to fucking go? You want to fucking go? Let's go up here on the grass. Because I don't want to die.

I'm not going to fuck out. I'm loving this video by the way so at 1 10 1 minute 10 seconds they started fighting by 1 minute and 26 seconds the end was clear like you could already in 16 seconds it's like these black shirts are kicking their ass hey guys i got a jet all right i got a jet i got a jet um what can we tell listeners about man you know i so i self-produced my own special um because because because louis ck got rich doing it right you showed you could do it yeah not just not just that, but like, you know, I want to be, I've heard nightmares of people having their special spot and somebody at a network being like, I don't like that joke. Can we pull that one? And I don't want that. Unless you're going to write me a check that's so significant where I'm like, okay, I'm willing to take a hit.

But I'm not in a spot where they're going to write me that check. So I would rather be in control of it and, um, and, and do the special that I want to do. And so it's a special man. I'm a storyteller. It is the premise of the special is, um, that, and if this happened, it's all real and it's all um that my son every man at some point in their life every boy man looks at their dad and thinks to themselves oh i could beat the shit out of this guy right now not everybody attacks their dad but everybody at least thinks once oh tell me to take out the trash again tell me to take out the trash again right so this special is that story of my son challenging me to a fight and and and now i go in and out of the

story to tell talk about other stories about him and me and my other kids but it's what it's an hour it's one long story that's awesome and uh i'll check that out for sure it it uh it's and when you hear kids stories it's not like oh this is cute stuff that happened not at my house you know what i mean that's not how that's not how i run my house so the i if the story is so fun and i ridicule him and basically when he challenged me to the fight I said to him alright man let's go outside and he goes

no no no not now two weeks I was like two weeks basically I was like who are you Rocky like you think

you gotta go train or and he goes yeah I wanna look up some videos online so I spent the next week cause I was like

well I don't want him to get like he's faster than me stronger than me the only thing I have over him is that he's dumb because he's a teenage boy and they're dumb is he really stronger than you you don't look weak no but like I'm stronger than him for 27 seconds okay and then I'm out I've tapped out because he's you know what I mean he's got young and virile quickness yeah and so I basically put a full court mental torture on him and so that

the story goes over that but it is man my it's so interesting and i don't know if this makes sense do i think it's an hour of my best jokes no because the bat the uh prank story isn't on there and that's one of my best jokes do I think it was my best hour at the time a hundred percent because to me it's also about telling a story it can't just be an hour of separate disjointed shit I don't I don't enjoy specials like that if you're gonna have me sit down for an hour I won't go on the ride and so this is a bunch of great jokes but it also look if you've ever had a kid or been a kid you'll get this you'll get this and so i'm really excited about it and it's coming out on tuesday what is next tuesday this the 11th

it's coming out on the 11th and it's going to be on my website comedianjoshwolf.com and you can get it on there and pre-order it it's just five bucks you pre-order it i think we're sending you a signed poster and um it i'm really excited for people to check it out i'm i'm really fucking happy with the way it turned out and i had my i really like doing things in house i had friends of mine that i've known for over 20 years shoot it. We all did it together. It means a lot to me. So I'm really excited, and I'm excited to have it come out, and I'm excited for people to see it.

That's awesome. I want to see it. So on Tuesday, where do I go to get it? Comedianjoshwolf.com. It'll be on my website. Yeah, man. Go in there and give it a give it a click. Five dollars. Yours forever.

There'll be a link in the description. Sweet. Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely going to check it out. I like stories. I like that. That's that kind of comedy. What's the name?

The break. What's the comedian who tells the story of the machine? Bert Kreischer. Yeah. Bert Kreischer. I couldn't I could get his name out. He takes machine? Bert Kreischer. Yeah, Bert Kreischer. I couldn't get his name out. He takes his shirt off constantly. Yeah, I like that.

Man, that doesn't get old. Some people say that's a cheap gimmick. I say, eons of comedy. His special that's out on Netflix right now. I don't know his politics at all. Oh, he talks. Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for coming on, man. We really enjoyed it. Thank you very much for having me, and I would love... special that's out on on netflix right now i don't know his politics at all oh he talked yeah yeah well thank you for coming on man we really enjoyed you love very much for having me and i would i would love now are any of you guys ever in los angeles very rarely very yeah like they're

borderline on never okay if you ever come on tuesday nights i do a talk show on facebook called controlled chaos which is exactly what the title is. Last night, my son and I, because it was Beyonce's birthday, had an impromptu Beyonce dance-off. It was as bad as it sounds. Gotcha. It's making my stomach hurt. It sounds so uncomfortable. We have really weird people stop by this dude who told me he was half dinosaur half man that we

found on craigslist came and he ate salad out of my hand with his mouth it was so weird but i loved it i washed my hand like 40 times after he did that but um but it's a lot of fun if you guys are ever in town on la on a tuesday and you want to come sit on the couch and shoot the shit for an hour and talk about weird stuff, any or all of you are always invited. Cool, man. We appreciate the invite. You've got to come back on before too long. I know Kyle had some questions about Chelsea Handler's – not her front hole, but her front – but her tits.

Yes. For the audience's knowledge, you dated Chelsea Handler for some amount of time. So you have this inside knowledge. And I'm a big fan of Chelsea's knockers. I have a lot of expertise on her knockers. Just Google real quick Chelsea Handler tits and you'll all see what I'm talking about. Just for a 39-year-old woman. She's gifted.

They're very high quality. You can also Google Chelsea Handler murca Durka and see our Twitter fight from a couple years ago. You can do that. Which Taylor won. Spoiler alert. Interesting. I dated her. Dated isn't the right word.

Whatever it is that people do when they're in their 20s. But she's not and never was shy. And one of the the things i loved she was never shy never shy about showing her boobs like for her she wanted it to be not sexual and a non-issue and the way she did she never sexualized it which was super even when the pictures that she shows them she's never sexualizing them she's almost using them as the joke.

Yeah. And I always thought that was super interesting because she's got a nice body. But she would never let you sexualize it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But not really because you can't control if somebody's sexualizing it. You can though. My favorite picture of her, she's making fun of that picture of Vladimir Putin where he's shirtless on the horse. Yes.

She's shirtless on the horse posing like he is but topless just as he is. It's great. She's shirtless on the horse. She's shirtless on the horse, posing like he is, but topless, just as he is. It's great. She's making a joke out of him. Yeah, it's a joke. I still came. Kyle, was your thought when you saw that hilarious or was it nice tits? I'm not going to let

them sexualize. What the audacity to say, I'm not going to let my tits out be sexualized man you just got your cake and you get to eat it too for that little bit of rhetoric i'm not saying that's what she says it just seems to me she's never like making uh she's never making it making herself sexy in any almost like j Jenny McCarthy used to. Sure. Yeah. Although, you know,

well, forget it. Um, but yeah, I would love to come back on and you can ask, we can come back out and have a Chelsea boob talk if you need to. I don't, I don't know how much I can contribute, but you know,

whatever you need me to contribute, I can't. It takes me about five minutes. Yeah. I will think of a few tangential topics. Okay. That's all I need. Five minutes of dirty talk.

Really? You're going to walk out? I used to be three when I was younger. I know you've got to go, but you're welcome back anytime at all. A ton of fun getting to talk to you, get to know you. You're a fun guy, easy to talk to. We'll see you. I appreciate you guys letting me talk about the, get to know you. You're a fun guy, easy to talk to. And we'll see you, and

I appreciate you guys letting me talk about the special a little bit, and we'll see you next time. Sounds good, man. Thank you. Yeah, I really enjoyed him. He was a great guest. Big thanks to Chiz for locking him down. And he's been

really ill for the last couple weeks, Chiz has, but he hasn't slacked off. He's out there hunting down good ill for the last couple weeks chiz has but uh but he hasn't slacked off he's out there hunting down good guests for us yep i was telling him like even before the show i guess he couldn't hear our chat i was like he was saying are you gonna be in the chat again like sometimes he is and providing us with links and whatnot and he's like no i got a fever again i wanted to be like dude if you've had a fever for like 10 days you gotta go see someone yeah he's got a doctor fever that's indicative of like some kind of infection or virus like you don't know what that could be like if i'm on day four of a fever i'm like okay this is probably more

than a flu like i should get this check are you guys like that or do you just read it let it run its course for 10 days i if i've never had a fever for that long um like that didn't correspond with like the flu or something like that like and if it's the flu there's not much you can do you know so so i just hydrate and stay in bed or whatever uh but but like yeah if i'm sick i go to the doctor yeah i'm slow to go to the doctor not as slow as jizz but i'll go you know a weekend it's time to see a doctor. Yeah, too many times I've tried to tough it out and just suffered for like,

if you let the disease, whatever it is, get to maximum threshold, and it's like two or three weeks till you recover. Even on the third week, you're still sniffly and stuff. That sucks, but I found that if you get in there quick and you sweet talk your doctor and you get like a steroid shot in your ass and and some you know something two or three medications and some uh what do you call them a z-pack uh of antibiotics or whatever yeah you're good to go yeah well chiz if you listen to this which i know

you do go to a doctor buddy you should get that yeah man checked out like and you'll be happy you did like it's it's a wonderful thing they do in modern day they'll give you pills and it'll go away oh and you won't have to feel terrible yeah definitely so yeah um we could talk about a few things here i'm sorry unless you have something pressing woody uh it's not pressing i just had a topic i was going to toss out there all right let's let's um i was i was I was thinking the Colin Kaepernick thing is interesting with Nike. Louis C.K. coming back is interesting to me. And, you know, sort of the reception he's gotten. I don't know if we've discussed that at any length.

We did that on PKN a little bit. But we didn't talk about – or I guess the Kaepernick thing happened probably the same day as PKN, and we didn't talk about it much. Yeah. I've got this mother who punished her son by giving him a swirly um is it or is there a video of course there is so we're watching that one i i need to see the talk about the video of ariana grande getting groped by that priest ah yeah that's a good one too oh that's a good one as well like i watched it the first like time and i was trying to analyze the body language, and I was trying to not get sucked up into the hysteria, where I was like,

okay, maybe that is a little squeeze, but then it's like he reaffirmed the squeeze in the same area, even creeping the fingers around a little bit. It's like, okay, this is tactical groping right here. There's just no chance that he's in it. I have the video. You want to queue it up at zero?

It's only 28 seconds long. Yeah, sure. I'm at zero. And you know, the excuse of he never saw her or didn't feel it, it's like we've all held a woman that way. Dude, yeah. You feel their breast. You know the hover hands. Actually, I was telling my wife about this, and I did it to

her. I gave the same sort of group grope halfway into the boob. He's not grabbing nipple, I don't think, but he's into the boob. He's definitely real side boob. And it was creepy to do to my wife, right? This guy's at a funeral.

Let's watch this together. Ready, set, play. I've got to apologize. Look at her. He's getting in there. It doesn't stop here. Look at her. He's getting in there. It doesn't stop here. Look at her body language. She's leaning backwards.

Turn your left shoulder in. When I saw Ariana Grande on the program, I thought that was a new something at Taco Bell. Look at that. Look at the food gravity he's doing. He's all over this lady. What is he thinking? Did y'all enjoy this icon?

She's an icon herself. Look at that. Oh my God, he's got a titty at the end. Yeah. He's not innocent. He is just groping her on TV in front of millions. This guy is groping her for sure. And Ariana Grande, I don't know anything about her music or whatever.

And as far as her age, to me, she looks like she could be anywhere between 15 and 29. What is that? How old is she? How old is that person? If you told me she was 17, I would believe it. If you told me she's 28, I'll believe it. Well, she's...

At no age is it appropriate to do all that. That's ridiculous. Well, this is a totally separate conundrum. Okay, 25. So I was, well, I guess with the window I gave up. Well, yeah, she was between 15 and 45 after all. Well, she's not over 40. Yeah, like this dude, dude, imagine the gall,

the audacity you have to have to think at Aretha Franklin's funeral. I'm going to grope Ariana Grande while everybody's looking at me. From the front, there are cameras. From the side, there are cameras. From every angle, there are cameras on this tit. And I'm going to give it a grope. He's a fucking desperate creeper. I don't believe this is his first grope.

I don't think – I hate liberals who just go straight for somebody's job, right? I hate it when liberals are like, oh, step one, let's get them fired and ruin their career. The thing is, though, this guy's in this position of power and influence where he can do shit like this. You need to take it away. I'm positive he's not just... It won't be his last incident. Well, just keep him at

arm's length. I'm sure he gives a good sermon. Yeah, he might. I mean, he must give a hell of a sermon. Yeah. I love black preachers. They get into it And I will demonstrate lust for you as I do every week again Fill a young lady of this congregation Come up here to me And he grabs her titty and he shows her

This is what you don't do See you next time, same time next week Do you see his side boob? I feel that side titty Watch me get around on the nipple Yeah, that's bad He's doing the Workplace safety kind of bad. Watch me get around on the nipple. Yeah, that's bad. He's doing the workplace safety kind of video of it.

But this is beyond the pale. I tried to watch it fairly, and there's no world where this guy did not know. The real reaction would be if that was a mistake, if you accidentally did that with a woman, you'd feel it. you'd feel the pressure of a bra and a tit and then you'd go oh and you move your hand back yeah no yeah you'd probably move it too far down like the middle of the back to make sure you don't make the mistake again you wouldn't go like all right give me a hug let me get another little oh i'm getting close to areola now there's no reason to be there that's not how you hold a woman who you're not like familiar with like like and i mean like

like dating or like like a woman who's not okay if you just went honk honk if it's not that girl that you would never grab a woman like that like you either go low or high but you don't like reach for the titty shoulder or shoulder probably you know because they don't know each other waist maybe if he's handsy he could have his hand you know on her hip waist. Small of her back. Yeah, small of her back. That's handsy, too. And did anyone else think this a little bit? Like, why does that fucker get to grab her boob?

Huh? Like, it should be us. I should be the pastor officiating Aretha Franklin's funeral. Am I alone? I think you might be on that island by yourself. I didn't watch this and go, What is your justification? Why do you think you deserve to grab Ariana Grande's breast?

I clearly don't. I just see something amazing happening for someone else. That's amazing. Really? Something amazing? She's got Ariana Grande. Yeah, sexually. If I go up to a famous celebrity that i'm attracted to and i like

molest her with my hands and inappropriate things and like like run running by like slap her on the ass and sprint into an alley do i get to be like yeah i hooked up with uh fucking uh amelia clark from game of thrones oh really you guys know guys know each other? Nah, I yell their name to get her to semi-turn around, like honk to tit, slap to ass, and then I was out of there because her guard was pretty quick.

So I see where you're coming from on this. You're clearly right. But let's say that it was consensual, hypothetically. That ruins it. I don't know. I just feel like... If it was consensual,

that ruins it for you? Can't get off? Yeah, you're putting words in my mouth. I only half that's what you said all right i have said it uh i don't know i do want to be here ariana and you say you don't it's something i i just i think someone listening to this will understand like he got a handful of ariana boob and that's a nice thing to have that's all now this sunday i know i'm under a lot of fire i will and that's a nice thing to have. That's all. Now this Sunday, I know I'm under a lot of fire. I will tell you to take the honest words of this podcaster in North Carolina.

And put a video of you on the ground. A madman. Children in his home. And he knows there's nothing wrong. He knows that a titty is a beautiful thing. The Lord made those titties.

Now you're making sense. And I laid hands on that young lady and healed her. He did. He did. And she, well, I don't know if he healed anything. Her wicked ways. I tested her for lumps. I humped that titty and now she'd be chased.

She'd be chased. It was just a funeral slash free mammogram. Because now she will look at women with a feeling of fear She'd be chased. It was just a funeral slash free mammogram. Because now she will look at women with a feeling of fear and potential danger instead of trust and love at the lower end. What you don't understand, parishioners, there was a lump in that breast, and the power of the Lord healed that lump. Now come forward, ladies, if you'd like to be healed. I only do ovarian cysts and titty blunts. Yes, and you have to be between 18 and 30. My prostate.

Oh, the Lord is telling me it is your time. Go to Jesus, man. Go to Jesus. She's only five foot tall. She's an inch away from being a legal little person, I think. No, it's like four foot one or something. Four foot one. Four foot four, four foot one.

Danny DeVito is technically a little person, I believe. No, he's 4'10". I know because I go through that little rabbit hole every time we talk about midgets because I want to get a mental size comparison between like dinklage and devito people uh of course of course it's 410 has moved coming out and uh it it's it looks very interesting it's sort of like an end of the world the little person from game of thrones and uh it's it's four foot ten it seems the scenario seems to be like all of the people in the world have died or something like that. And it's just him and some girl that he just met left on the earth.

And they're trying to figure out what's happened or something. I don't know. The trailer's bizarre. And unlike most trailers these days, it doesn't give away the whole plot. So I'm not exactly sure. But it looked interesting. I think I'm going to watch it. I like that gap.

I never seemed to like him outside of Game of Thrones. Oh, I thought he was hilarious in Elf. When he played the publisher guy. I don't know. I haven't seen him in the Avengers. But you know the old scene in Elf where he jumps up on the table in the publishing house, Woody? This is Elf the Christmas movie? Elf the Christmas movie.

When Will Ferrell is there at his dad's publishing company, and he's like, oh, you're an angry elf. And he hops up and sprints out, and that's Peter Dinklage. He was good. I didn't think of him in that. You're an angry elf. He sucked in Infinity War. Some people liked him, but I thought he was absolutely dreadful terrible. Who did he play?

What superhero was he? He played a giant. It was great. He played a giant who It was great. He played a giant who is seeing over this mechanism that has a neutron star locked within it that they use as an anvil to create a super weapon.

I like that they had a scientific explanation for how this whole thing works. The most ridiculous part of that whole thing... It's condensed moonbeams no no they have a they have a star like locked within like like an apparatus which is a a possible thing like it's been theorized a lot a lot i can't think of the name of it what they call it when you when

you do that but in any case he um the the most ridiculous part of the avengers movie keeping in mind this is a movie full of superheroes flying around and doing magic, was when Thor physically holds open the door and is taking the full brunt of a neutron star flowing through him to forge his own weapon. It seemed like if he was that tough, he didn't need the giant axe thing. What's his character name? I want to look it up. I don't know what his character's name is. Oh, well, fine. It doesn't matter. So he plays a giant in that. Yes, a guards a neutron star yes and then thor has to come uh do some metal work using yes this guy's going to create thor's new weapon because thor's weapon

was destroyed in uh thor ragnarok and he has no he needs it he needs a weapon to go after Thanos. So he goes to this guy, and he forges it using the focused energy of a star. You might be familiar. Thor usually has a hammer. Yeah, yeah. In the movie before, the bad guy broke his hammer. So he goes in this movie and forges a hammer axe. There's probably another name for it but it's a hammer well yes it's called stormbreaker bringer breaker something but uh one side looks like a hammer the

other side looks like an axe it's yulimir 2.0 it's better it hits harder and he can summon teleportation with it yes although others can lift it now, which seems a downside. I kind of liked it when nobody could lift his thing. And whoever holds it has the power of Thor, which is a little twist. Oh, that's a huge downside. Well, not everyone can lift it. You have to be pretty strong. You have to be super strong or pure of heart or whatever.

Groot lifted it, and arguably still is lifting it. Yeah, well, I mean, that's what I was saying. The new one doesn't have that magical thing, whatever Mjolnir had, where no one can lift it unless they're pure of heart. It's just a fucking magic axe that anybody can lift.

I don't think that's true. I watched a whole YouTube video about it. They would know. Can any... Fuck. I know, right? But I won't be clear until... Well, I'll take this moment of Googling

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with a lot of caffeine two of these things are uh are all i want they're all i want do you want to see this uh mom give her son a swirly in 10 seconds it looks like in the movies anyone can lift it in the comics not anyone can lift it. In the comics, not anyone can lift it. Based on my Googling. Now I know. It's been all these comics. Never read a comic book in my life. I don't think. No, I probably have.

Are we queuing up on this? Yeah, I'm queued up on it. I'm not sure what this son has done. Let me see if it says before we start. No, it doesn't say what he's done wrong. But this is a Florida woman, I believe. Are you injecting that because it's fun or because there's clues? It's the truth.

All right, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. Oh, he's crying. Well, he doesn't seem to like it. It's not much of a swirly. She's holding his arms in a way that's like torturous. God, that's mean. Oh.

Another kid in the room goes, God, that's mean. Dude, if another child is the one who has to point out how fucked up you're being to a kid, like you're being a little fucked up. Did you see the way she was holding his arms back? That was probably more painful than anything. If I take a grown man's arms and pin him back and lift him like that, they're going to be like, ah!

That's a Vietnamese torture technique. Yeah, and then add that to getting your face dunked in. And she did not, for those listening, put the guy's head in the way they do in movies where it's in the the middle of it where you're not getting a lot of nasty bull touching you she pushed him in like she was trying to like make his entire face scoot along the rim like where you're uh like where your dick touches and it feels cold and gross and that is not that that's that makes it much worse than just toilet water. I wonder what happens to her.

Yeah, because I honestly believe. She should have her children taken away. That kid will be scarred forever. I don't know, that could be bigger scars. There's a good reason that society is reluctant to take children from their parents, right? Yeah, that's true. Well, because the alternative is often really sketchy. right yeah that's true well because the alternative alternative is often really sketchy uh like like so many times like like the foster system has fucking scary people in it who just want we're

just collecting kids because each one's worth a check yeah i don't know the system as they call it is is a really sketchy place i have a friend who um it's a new friend we're not super close but he grew up an orphan god damn yeah. Yeah. And he's actually really smart. He got super great grades, went into the army, but he doesn't have any parents, which is... He has a father that he's not in touch with. He became an orphan because his father went to prison. And it was just like, wow, I never met anyone who was raised in an orphanage. And he talked about the impact that it had on him,

which I thought was super interesting. He came out with no concept of personal space, right? So he actually, keep him anonymous. We'll be all right with this. He told me that when he first got a job, like in the real world, that women would complain that he was kind of like creepy close to him and he's he was completely shocked by this right he wasn't a sexual assaulter he's a good guy but he just got a little close to him and he he was raised in an environment

where you just pack kids in and they don't have any concept of personal space yeah that that personal bubble which is most considered your arm's length around you in every direction didn't really exist for him as a child right so he had to learn it as an adult and uh there were a couple just you know things he seemed like a really sociable good guy to me but there were things that he told me that he had to adapt to to get along in the regular world. Man, and he never got adopted. Well, he was older. He became an orphan in his early teens-ish.

Oh, yeah, nobody wants that age. That's like the old sick dog that needs eye drops every day or something like that. You don't want that one. You want a fresh kid, like a new one. He would have been a great kid. You want a pup that you can teach tricks and and raise up like you get a 13 year old you've just gotten a 13 year old adoptee is like that's the worst time i'm unless it's a girl and it's the best time then you can start melding them into what you you know like woody allen did you know we all like woody allen right you know the the

pedophile director that nobody has a problem with oh which one i like uh the tactful use of melding instead of grooming there i saw you were gonna say say grooming it's so fucked up yeah you wouldn't adopt a 13 or 14 year old you you want a little fella preferably one that doesn't remember the horrible things that have been done to him in the past yeah if i if i were to adopt a kid this very, like, tomorrow, I'm not getting anything older than, like, a 16 kid. You know, like, you want a 2016 or younger. Oh, I misunderstood. Yeah, yeah, a 2016 or younger.

15-year-olds are fine. 16, no older than that. No, I see how that was explained poorly I mean a 2016 kid Like still fresh has all the features And you get to really Build them into a person kind of after you Like a real kid

Whereas you get a kid like 16 They don't even fucking know you Having said that cheapest kid ever You raise them for like 2 years Send them on their way. And put them through college. Who does that? I haven't known you long enough to know

if you're worth the investment. Sorry. You know what? I did for you what I do for any other kid. I started putting aside $75 a month since I got you. Here's $500. Here's $1,500. Here's $1,500. Best of luck. This will buy your books for

the first semester. That's a whole semester at our local community college. I got you a laptop battery. Michael Scott School for Tots or whatever it was. Scott's Tots. Dude, that's the... Hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do?

What you gonna do? make our dreams come true they prepared a song and dance for you like that that's one episode of that show that like i almost have to look away because i'm so uncomfortable just watching michael's antics he plays it physically so well knowing that all these kids are like super psyched and their life isn't gonna happen the way they thought because this guy and there's no happy ending no well there is a little bit like when aaron tells him that like you know the the principal told me that like your group like stayed it like they had a higher graduation route uh um rate than any other group and you know a lot of them could have gone to like the gang, as one of the kids said.

He's like, when I was growing up, I was tempted to go into the drug gang. I just kept thinking about Mr. Scott and the promise he made. And Michael's over there. Oh, that's a rough episode. Well, I guess he did improve lives then.

He would have been a drug dealer. You would also have that drug money for... well, if you were a successful drug dealer, you probably wouldn't go to college. So, yeah. That option would be open. Yeah. I don't know how many drug dealers are like, all right, I've been flipping special K for all high school now.

Time to get into school and buckle down. Like, they're probably more likely to be like man i can make a lot of money selling illicit substances right i don't know like well you see that with strippers right like like like so many strippers are stripping to to pay for college i'm sure there are drug dealers on the other end like if you're a dude what's the i feel like drug dealing is the is sort of the moral and and financial equivalent of of stripping for a man? No. No?

What is it then? I don't know if there is an equivalent to stripping for a man. I'm trying to think. It might be stripping, but actually, I'm going to go with that. That makes sense. I contemplated being a stripper when I was, I don't know, 20, 19, something like that.

There was a ladies night and I was like, I could do that, I think. Like, I was pretty fit. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. And then it was like, you know, I think I was dating the girl right before Jackie. I forget. And I might have been 18 then. And it was like, yeah, you know,

do I keep this as a secret from her? Does this make me more of a catch to be a stripper? Stupid Woody mind trying to justify it. Alright, so I'm going to get a job stripping and then send her a flaccid picture of my penis.

But it's old school, so it's a Polaroid. I'll have to knock and slip it in the mail slot and run away. You know who. Damn it, I forgot to write a message at the bottom. I just imagine you coming like your mail strippers oftentimes have very elaborate characters.

I just imagine you coming out as the lifeguard. I was a lifeguard at the time. The aviators and like a banana hammock on and like like the life jacket maybe you got a life preserver with a rope on it you like throw it on some four-year house i actually thought of that reeler in not exactly like you're talking about but like i was like i think i would just wear my legit lifeguard jacket there's a you wouldn't know but if you live in the area you recognize like they sold lifeguard jackets to

tourists and they didn't look like the real thing and then the real thing was like this quality winter jacket type thing it's like i could go out there with my like government issued clothing you don't even need to come up with a nickname you're woody it's funny the way like male and female like patrons at strip clubs are so different like there's no male strip club in the country where they like announce someone like, and coming up next Patty, she's a successful attorney coming out here to dance for. And like,

she's like throwing briefcase, you know, contents around the room and like, like peering over her glass, like that kind of shit. Like men don't care. Like you, you just want the body like women,

even then they can't just be like, Oh yeah, just get totally naked. It's like, well,, they can't just be like, oh, yeah, just get totally naked. It's like, well, I want to know he's gainfully employed first. Well, he's a construction worker in his spare time. He's a fireman. See, now I can be attracted. I'm putting myself in the fantasy.

Well, this is my fireman husband. So strong. So, ooh, capable. Lots of spare time. That kind of shit. Oh, he's dressed like a doctor. Ooh, ooh. Man.

I don't know. I really like this. It strikes me as funny. And what's the, oh, goddammit, I don't know I really like this but and and what's the oh god damn it I can't think of anything tonight um Chippendales to me more in that movie what's the movie where she strips in might be called stripper striptease it's what it's called to me more so fucking hot in that movie and she like her whole routine like she comes out I remember correctly

and kind of like a business suit almost like a man's suit and she like her whole routine like she comes out if i remember correctly and kind of like a business suit almost like a man's suit and she's so good like like jessica alba plays a stripper in sin city and it's a fucking travesty because her character's supposed to be fucking naked in there and if that bitch wasn't willing to show some titty they should have hired somebody who was fuck you jessica alba demi more comes out and she's not shy she's just like she comes out almost angry about about getting naked she's she's like boom like titties out and like she's got like d cups that are perfect and they're just all amazing strip tees it's incredible demi more kills it in that movie and then like right after that she does gi jane like shaved head becoming a

fucking navy seal refusing to promote strip teease because her head's shaved. They weren't happy about that. I like Demi Moore. Yeah, she's super hot. I can't help but look at her through this lens. I think Demi Moore is super hot in striptease for her age. Right? Super hot, but...

Wasn't she young when that came out yeah that that was like 95 or something like that hi 96 yeah it was a 96 yeah it was to me more like she was 34 look at google google this real quick demean more in charlie's angels when she's, I'm going to guess, 40, 42, something like that. She said she looked in the mirror and saw some cellulite and she was like, no. And then she went on some kind of maddening physical training program. And she's looking hotter than like the rest of the fucking Charlie's Angels because she's not one of the angels. She's like the villain, if I remember correctly, in that movie. Super hot. Because she's not one of the angels.

She's like the villain, if I remember correctly, in that movie. Super hot. I'm looking at her in striptease, and I swear, this is what happens with hot people, men and women, actually. It's like, wow, he or she looks so great for her age. But, you know, if you look carefully at those lines next to his or her nose, you can see it. Ah, you do see his crow's feet. That guy, like, yeah, there's always a tell no one legitimately looks younger there are just a lot of parts of them that look younger i i think she she probably looks her best to me in that movie if these angels are striptease striptease if you go back too far

with demi more you kind of go the other direction well maybe not for you because you like them hairy google this real quick demean more playboy or demean more bush or demean more hairy pussy and uh and you'll see that that yeah right yeah i don't mind you're on board i think i am more pro hair than most people uh if there's no hair it almost looks juvenile to me and contrary to popular belief that's not my cup of tea she has gone overboard yeah that's uh yeah that is that is i mean it's you can't even see her lips area than mine yeah and and like it's it's down past her gun into her under her butt? Yeah, yeah. Big, hairy asshole. Like, hairy, like, up everywhere.

The entire... It's like this was tactical because she's like, I gotta get naked, but I don't want to show my pussy. And it's like, you can't... She may as well be wearing bottoms because you can't see anything. It's like a natural merkin that she's got going on. It's absurd. You know what a merkin is, Taylor?

Yeah, it's a pubic wig, right? Yeah's too much what's the purpose of that uh for movies when you when you can't show uh they don't want to show uh lips or especially if the chick has an outie vagina things are a bit become become x-rated that's part of it but i think sometimes it's a lot of women are bald and that's not what the scene calls for. Game of Thrones women often have a bush because they feel like they would in that universe. Yeah, probably. I mean, I... Yeah, they wouldn't be shaven.

It's... Any pussy before, like... What? Like, 1948? Probably smelled like shit. Right? Yeah, one of my favorite subreddits is our celebrity pussies you want to head on over there that's that's a good time celebrity pussies are there who are your personal faves as i'm sure you have a few on the top of mind yeah um it's um

rosario dawson has the best uh celebrity pussy in existence rosario dawson um she was in clerks too um she's uh she's in daredevil uh she's um she was in alexander uh but but there's a there's a she's there's a shot from a movie where it's full frontal from a low angle with vagina and boobs. And she's maybe even oiled up, if I remember correctly, walking toward the camera for a solid two seconds. And it is some of the best celebrity nudity of all time.

I'm not finding celebrity pussies or celebrity pussy. Hang on. Let me find it. Yeah. There are scientists out there that will want to research this. Poor Rosario Dawson.

I just was binging her trying to look some of this stuff up. And the auto-corrected thing was HIV. Just Rosario Dawson HIV. Just ignore that. It's worth it.

She doesn't have it. Everything is saying she doesn't. That's why I'm saying it sucks for her. It showed up twice. Twice on the list. Maybe she does charity work for it. She must. There's the celebrity pussy subreddit. It's rcelebritypussy.

Is it brand new? If you sort it by... Oh, I'm sorry. I have past 24 hours. I need top of all time. Yeah. I think if you go top all you'll probably... Oh, I mean top right now is Rosario as of four hours. It gets posted so much.

Sahara Ray is way up there. Marjo Robbie. Margo Robbie. Yes. Yes. Tiger Woods ex-wife Elin Norgadren. A bit of an outie. I don't know if Kyle would be ranking her at number three all time. I'm not a huge fan.

So some of the, I expected this to all be from scenes they did, but some of these are like upskirt shots and stuff like that. Sure. Yeah. They've got the famous Britney Spears one where she was just gash flashing everywhere every time she'd get out of a car. That's the gif that I am referring to.

Just perfect, you ask me. Gash flashing, I like that. Thank you. I just coined that, yeah. You're the one who coined that. Yeah, I just made it up. Yeah, right there. Gash flash.

Becca Brown from School of Rock removed Instagram photo. School of Rock? Wasn't that Children? That came out in 2005. No, that's a Jack Black movie. Yeah, those kids are over six. I mean, there were kids in it. I think it actually... I'm just looking at it.

You can't see much because you see her from the back. But I think it's probably one of those kids as an adult. Well, I love that this gif of Rosario Dawson is just auto-playing in our Skype. It's brilliant. Love that. Love that. It's all over that there's a scene where in clerks where she she like has sex with the guy in the the fast food restaurant or whatever and they're like they're talking about it like weeks later and she and because they're in a fast food

restaurant they had did it on the can like the the preparation counter and uh and he was talking about how uncomfortable it was to do it there and she's like you're not the one they got mayonnaise in your cooch. And I remember thinking, like, I wouldn't mind a bit. I wouldn't mind a bit. You could put fucking Big Mac sauce in there. You could put a whole, like, fucking. For now.

And then that sugar ferments and you get an infection. I'm going to get right after it. I'm not waiting around. Fair counterpoint. It's like putting sugar in a gas tank. Ruins it. I have a topic. This is interesting to me.

It's not the kind of thing we normally talk about on the show but it looks like samsung is coming out with a new cell phone uh later in 2018 right so not long from now with a bendable screen dude check this out like go to the video foldable screen uh yeah just it is a cell phone that like literally folds in half this holy shit not like a flip phone like a like a book no it's like a flip phone that it's a smartphone mixed with a flip phone it's a smartphone that will bend in half like like top to bottom safely that's cool as shit yeah now this particular phone is like iphone size and they just but it folds up into like the size of a wallet

if i'm king phones get a little bigger right i'm okay with the size of my iphone ish but if i could fold it and have it double that would be something really attractive to me it's basically at that point carrying a tablet yeah like a tablet that folds in half and a small tablet but yeah that that's what i think i want because i because i'm old and i have see but this is a perfect example of one of those things that you do not want to jump into right away you want to wait for them to figure out the foldable screen because they'll do it quickly. Because as soon as one of them releases a project like that,

they're all going to be working tirelessly, spending the oodles of cash they have to try and figure it out and make it better. Or just buy the same screens, right? I don't know that Apple invents their screen. They just find the best vendor, maybe. Yeah, I'm sure they find the best vendor, but this is one of those things that's so

high-tech, there's no way it's going to work that good. They've been working on this technology for a long time, because I've seen their televisions that sort of roll up an old-timey map, like a sailor's map, and then you unfurl it, and you've got a fucking 32-inch

screen or something. Or even bigger. They make big ones. So I think they may have the technology down. I would worry about like what if you get like some grit in there and close it on it. Or like, I don't know. I need to hold it in my hands. But I want one.

I fucking want one. I love, because my screens are fucked. Right? Like this screen right now is ruined. It's cracked everywhere. I ran into someone with a goddamn lawnmower. You can't tell. You can't tell. Like it doesn't show up on camera. right like like this this screen right now is ruined it's cracked everywhere i ran this goddamn lawnmower you could you can't tell you can't tell like it doesn't show up on camera like i ran it over with a lawnmower i i've broken like every phone i've ever had ever and i've had

like a dozen i don't know that this one's lawnmower proof it's not lawnmower proof but maybe a folding phone won't jump out of my lawnmower cup holder so fucking readily. It's under the plate. Was it the Dixie Chopper? It was the Dixie Chopper. The Dixie Chopper took a- That thing will cut a phone. Dude, it happened to hit it at such an angle that it hit it up in this corner and took a clean slice out of it. But the metal is cut through.

Dixie Chopper don't fuck around. No, it doesn't. That's a fine yard implement right there. It is. How wide's the deck? Five foot, probably? Maybe six. I don't know. That's what I like. I like a nice 72-inch deck. We could turn this thing into

lawnmower talks fast. It's got so much power. It's got the zero turning radius. It could pop a wheelie on it. Pop a wheelie on that thing. Yeah, it's badass. That grass doesn't know what's coming. Colin pops little wheelies on it. You should see him out there.

Colin, because we cut in big rectangles kind of in my yard, and he slides sideways. He's drifting when he cuts the yard. He's pretty badass at it. He's got experience. Yeah, that's a good lawnmower. I think it's the fastest production lawnmower in the yard. He's pretty badass at it. He's got experience. Yeah, that's good lawnmower. I think it's the fastest production lawnmower in the world. I think maybe that's their tagline or something like that.

I wouldn't know. I don't watch Joe Rogan that regularly. It all depends on the guest. But I think I'm going to tune in tomorrow because apparently tomorrow Elon Musk is stopping by and he's going to on joe rogan and i think that could be you know depending if you know how you know into everything they get like that could be a pretty interesting one yeah for sure i'll watch that you know like in the

midst of his pedo thing calling that guy a pedo and i think he like i saw somewhere he'd double down double down on it yeah let me you like triple. Yeah, he said, he's like, hey, if it weren't true, why hasn't he sued me yet? People have offered him free legal counsel. There's something to this. Dude, if he ends up being. No, you don't know the other half? His attorney immediately said you should be checking your email. And there was a letter in there suing him.

Goodness. Oh, can you imagine like the head imploding thing that would happen if it came out like, oh shit, this guy ended up being a pedophile. Didn't pass the Elon eye test. Who else is... Who else, Elon? Who else?

He just hands out edicts of who it is. It's funny how his popularity went from can do no wrong superman see taylor's saying up and down i don't know i'm not sure he's recovering this time i could be wrong but dude this guy to me which is more and more and more popular and i was always the guy like look i'm enthusiastic about him it seems great but what he's done so far make sending satellites up a little like a lot cheaper, is cool.

It's just not my fantasy. And they're like, no, you don't understand. It's affordable space travel. We'll all be able to go. It'll be like a trip to Europe. Yeah, when he does that, I'll be impressed. But right now, it's just satellites are cheaper. Yeah, maybe your great, great grandkids.

You think we're going to be hopping on? Like, no, this isn't going to happen. Like, he did it already, right? This guy is the master of over promising right he'll be like yeah we're gonna do 5 000 cars a week by tomorrow and it doesn't happen that he announces a car it's always a year late it's something like that it's worse than apple can't can't keep up with demand at all with like tesla and shit like it's he's really kicking himself that he can't he's only fulfilling like tiny percentages of the order which is probably anymore uh yeah i think he's only making like 5 000 a month or something like that and the demand is like half a million

a month or something crazy it might be 5 000 a week and he's extended the amount of people that can do it right to like like it used to be that it was the old pre-orders, and now he's like, anyone can order. He's broadening the net of people that can get the car, which some, including me, interpret as meaning he doesn't have the giant backlog we hoped he would. Yeah, so Woody, I have a question. I know you're a patriot. Maybe this will appeal to you.

You have a strong Opinion there's this movie called the first man or just first man And it's about Adam. It's a but it's a no not quite its first man on the moon It's it's about the the first moon mission. It's I think it's starring Fuck who's that pretty man Ryan Gosling? Starring him and there's a bit of controversy. Buzz Aldrin himself has raised a big stink about this. Apparently they do not show or feature or bring up the planting of the American flag on the moon

because the makers of the film say that it was an achievement for all mankind. That is horseshit. That's fucking retarded. So I was very upset by that. for all mankind that is horse shit that's fucking retarded so i was it's literal changing of history because they have a little agenda who does it hurt to show how it happened like if anything little things like that take you out of the moment like when they stick in their world flag or just excise it completely from the film that pulls you out of it because everyone who knows

is like oh okay at this point we're being lied to like all right the thing is this i'm not in the involved it happened in the midst of a space race which we were kind of losing right it was like first person in space oh that's russia a little higher in space oh that's russia satellite first satellite russia first dog russia first ape russia and then we're like ah move the goalposts move the goalposts first one on the moon that's us bitches we're the first people on the moon and the only people on the moon i think and uh for them to like take away the part of the space race that america actually won why is it not okay to win we're not allowed to win something i'm okay with not whitewashing history if you want to make a movie where you point out that the fucking you know was a fucking Nazi who made V2 rockets to fire at England and London, and he was the guy who we brought over to win the space race. If you want to talk about Nazi technology being incorporated into both space programs, both the Soviet and the U.S. I'm fine with that.

You don't have to whitewash it. But I don't like you, like, just ignoring a part of it to appeal to a global audience. No, we did the shit. Like, when I watched Braveheart, I'm okay that the English win at the end, right? Because they did. I would even be okay with an international version, right? If they cut that scene and tried to sell it to Australia, you guys are not on board with me on this.

No, that's even... It's capitalist! A man coin. No, but it's like, it's silly because... Vice boomerang. To me, it's almost insulting. It's insulting to the... The rocket goes to lift off, and it's just a boomerang.

Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof. Like, no, no. You're going to lift off, and it's just a boomerang. Like, no, no. You're going to put some aboriginals on there, too? Dude, if they showed, like, a... If they made a movie about D-Day, and it was a bunch of Brazilians and Mexicans storming out onto the beach, you'd be very distracted. You'd be like, this isn't...

It doesn't happening at all. Now I'm not enjoying the movie. I'm not suggesting they change history. Only if they wanted to cut the scene that made it the American planting of the flag, I'd let them slide on that so they could make a buck. I mean, they can do whatever they want.

It's just, do you think people in Australia are so dumb they see the Australian flag there and they're like, yeah, I knew we did that? Like, no. Like, they're going to be there. This is a straw man. You're taking my argument and you're arguing against something that's similar to but different. No, no, no. I'm actually extending your argument to make my point, which is that it is insulting.

That's what a straw man is. No, no, no. I'm extrapolating the reasonable repercussions of your argument. It isn't the same as straw man. That's what a straw man is. No, no, no. I'm extrapolating the reasonable repercussions of your argument. It isn't the same as straw man. That's not true. You're arguing against something that is easier to argue against than cutting the scene. You're taking mine, altering art, and arguing against something else instead. Straw man.

That's not what's happening right now. Well, let the moderators decide. Let them debate. But for now, there might be some funny here. Yeah. Go ahead, Kyle. Yeah. Did you want to interrupt? No, but for now, there might be some funny here. Yeah. Go ahead, Kyle. I wanted you to finish. I didn't know where you were going. Just to be clear,

they're not putting a UN flag or something. They just cut the whole scene out. They just don't show any flag being planted at all, is what I've been told. Yeah, I'm like... I think that's dumb. I don't really care either way. I probably wouldn't go see the film. It doesn't interest me that told. Yeah, I'm like, I think that's dumb. Like, I don't really care either way. I probably wouldn't go see the film.

It doesn't interest me that much. But like, if they want to switch it in different countries, I don't really care. It's just, who, why would that make more money if you switch the flag? Like, it's like an, almost a passive, tacit, little head-padding, condescending maneuver to be like putting a japanese flag on

it there when it's like everyone in japan knows they didn't do that everyone in in russia knew they didn't make it to me everyone in canada everyone in mexico brazil wherever they want to do it it's like it's just insulting like what's an achievement from a non-american nation that would be insulting the flag to us but where they would like if they did one of those flags switching here though why do we keep arguing against that instead? I was talking about your point of like, oh, I don't care if they want to change it to make a buck or whatever. I said they could cut the scene.

Okay. You can cut the scene. I don't really mind, but that is kind of removing the crux of it that it was America that did this. If they made a movie about Sputnik, and they had an American flag emblazoned on the side as it was making it triumphant. A guy named Ted Stevenson was on there.

It wasn't Yuri Gagarin. It was Ted Stevenson. And he had an American flag and he went through all of the intensity. Are we going to make it? Oh, we're in orbit. Are you watching that like, oh, USA, USA? Or are you like, this isn't what happened. Like, I'm not, I'm taken out

of the movie. A lot of movies these days are trying to appeal to the Chinese audience because that's the biggest verging movie-going audience in the world right now. That surprises me because they steal so much IP. It's, well,

but something they can't steal is is what we do best and that that's fucking hollywood right so so we try to make movies that will appeal to their their audience over there so um they constantly steal it they just they get one copy and then they give it away for free or sell it but the movie going audience isn't the movie theaters yeah i'm sure this bootlegs on the street of everything but but a lot of what he knows he worked on the great firewall of china indirectly so i wouldn't be surprised if that comes into play a little bit it's just just fucking ridiculous i i don't understand why they don't just show what happened you know another historical thing that i've recently

kind of come full circle on is christopher columbus you know like i don't know why i was so pro christopher columbus but he was an absolute monster just a horrible human being he was somebody was saying that recently was it neil tyson um whatever his name is i don't know okay what did you learn because i didn't follow through and read it all i i was i was re-watching the sopranos recently and and there's a whole episode around it. And so I started doing a lot of research. He would be tried for crimes against humanity today. He was enslaving, taking the natives as sex slaves.

He was cutting off the hands of any of the men above a certain age so they couldn't do war against him. His own quotes are something like, with 50 men we could subjugate them and have them do our bidding or something. Something in 1500s talk. He was an absolute monster. He was a slave trading, genocidal boat captain who was out for profit.

The thing about anyone like that is I feel like you almost have to judge it by the times. Cause when you phrase it that way, like, of course we all know that's terrible, but like when you say it like that, it's like, do you think all the other captains out there were like this Columbus guy, look at how far he's going. This is getting out of control. Like they were all shitheads. That's just how you ran a tight raping people.

When they said running a tight ship, they were talking about the tourniquet on the wrist. Look this up, guys. This is true. I have no problem with looking at it within the context of the times. George Washington

don't slaves, right? But don't raise this guy up to be a hero. Don't act like columbus day is uh is is is something to be necessarily proud of i mean he he was the captain of the ship that that made its way here and if i remember correctly i hope i'm not confusing him with a different like explorer there was some kind of a a bonus that would be paid to the first person who laid eyes on the new territory or something like that. Like from, I don't know, the government back home, the Spanish government. Like, oh, whichever sailor sees the rock first, he gets like a pension is what it amounted to.

And some guy was like, ah, land ho! And Christopher Columbus was like, ah, no, no. I'm going to see it in like two days. And he took the pension. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Just raping, murdering, enslaving. See, the only way I'm

okay with us getting rid of Columbus Day is if it's immediately replaced by another day that we also get off. I will not be a member of any... I don't care. If I would get a fucking Genghis Khan day, you know, like Attila the Hun day, I don't care. As long as it still gives you the

day off, I'm fine. But I will not stand for these people coming in and stealing our days off under these social justice pretenses. If you're going to like what he says, if you're going to have an idea, you know,

if you're going to say nay nay, you got to have a pro for it too. So you can't just show up and say no more Columbus day. You have to say, we're going to have X, Y, Z day. I have a pitch.

You still get, you still get the day off. I have a pitch for you, Taylor. I think you'll like it. We'll get rid of Columbus day and we will replace it with a floating holiday of your choice. A floating holiday. your choice a floating holiday any day of the year take it oh this is way better yeah right always okay you know what

new plan get rid of all the holidays and turn them all into float days except for christmas and thanksgiving and the real like the trifecta thanksgiving you know christmas new years that that little triage there dude i was like 35 when i realized what a bunch of horseshit the holiday season is right like christmas i was like oh my god there's 365 days a year we get six off over the course of three months and this is the holiday season? This is like the big thing, the big to-da that we all get together on. Can you believe how great we have it? We get six days off

out of 90. This is incredible. It's not incredible, it's horseshit. It sucks. You have low standards if you like the holiday season. What are some of the holidays that we could get rid of and move around like float days? We can get rid of Columbus Day. We can get rid of President's Day that we could get rid of And move around like float days We can get rid of Columbus Day We can get rid of President's Day

We can get rid of Let's move Memorial Day around Let's leave that word I didn't think about that Are you disrespecting the flag tailor My god you fucking Nike wearing Memorial Day I'm kneeling right now

Yeah It needs to be one of the ones Fucking Nike-wearing Memorial Day movie. You can't see that I'm kneeling right now. Yeah. It needs to be one of the ones that we actually get. A federal holiday, right? What are the federal holidays? Let's pull up a list of that. There's a lot of them. Not as many as I thought.

So we have New Year's Day. We have Martin Luther King Jr. Washington Day, which is also President's Day. Memorial, Independence, Labor, Columbus, Veterans, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I don't think I got all these off. I never got Veterans Day off. I don't think I got Columbus Day off. All right.

I say we keep all the days off. We keep Christmas, Thanksgiving. Veterans, you're going to have to pick. Veterans Day or Memorial Day, because one of those, we're getting a float day for one of them. You get one of those. And Independence Day,

because that wouldn't make any sense to not do that then. But George Washington's birthday. Hang on a goddamn minute. You leave George Washington alone. He is my favorite president. I'm not. I don't dislike him. I just want the day you you know what if i were to speak to george right now and say hey you know we all respect the hell out of you you know you're you're still like ranked

number one by a lot of people and we've got a lot of presidents so you really you fucking killed it you know i wouldn't say that but um uh would you mind if we used your federal holiday of a birthday and we kind of made it like a float day, like moved it around? He won't care. He wouldn't care. He would like talk about how to be wary of the redcoats and things that aren't relevant anymore. And I'd be like, oh, my God.

Like, we totally hosed those guys in World War II, took most of their empire by giving them loans so they could fight. It was great. You would have loved it, George. Land lease program, yeah. Yeah, and he wouldn't mind. So, Kyle, I think you're on the wrong side here. I think you're thinking George would have

been offended. No way. I think it's about what George would want. Because It's his birthday! He doesn't... Alright, fine. I guess if we could ask George I would be okay with whatever he decided. But I won't allow you to put words in George Washington's mouth.

I think I represent him well. I don't think so. I think you need a new accent. Kyle, which are the ones that we can't move? That we can't move? You're Mr. Strict over here. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Independence, New Year's. I feel like we've got it really well narrowed down.

I mean, honestly, I don't feel like Martin Luther King Jr. is as important as the rest of them. He seems least important to me, but I definitely think he deserves his day. But I mean... We're definitely both New Year's. See, you know what it is?

Pants on head retard. I can explain why that happened to me. It's already near Christmas. I usually don't desperately need a day off and i don't drink on new year's eve so i'm not like oh my god i so need the first off but it's the only holiday that's actually about a chronicle chronological event though like it's it's the one that they're all chronological by definition no like most of them are made up my birthday is a chronological event okay fair enough but we can celebrate uh what kyle's saying mainly is like this is a date by which like businesses are making decisions on like you know setting those are different new year's day is like it doesn't we can't just decide when it is it's like it's we'll rename. Float Day. All right. So, Kyle, you're saying we keep Christmas, Thanksgiving, Independence Day,

and then the veterans got to vote on Memorial Day or Veterans Day. Which one stays? And then Columbus, Labor, Memorial, or Veterans. Frankly, I don't know the difference between Memorial. Washington, MLK, and they all go, but New Year's stays as well. So I guess Veterans Day is for people who survived being in war and Memorial Day is for those who did not

yeah I've never broken it down like that but that makes sense what if Veterans Day is for people who did and didn't survive and Memorial is just for the didn't as the subset group that's the one we should get rid of yeah I don't know i i think the ones that died deserve at least one

full day of their own but the ones that died are also veterans by the time we're going to be through this you're going to want all the holidays in the same place you know i think we need to expand Like throw Arbor Day in there Earth Day It's making a lot of sense Pretzel Day It's too bad like every president Doesn't get their birthday off

Or that we don't get Presidents birthdays off I would choose presidents based on their birthday Be like you know we're really weak In uh August We got any August candidates running I would choose presidents based on their birthday. Be like, you know, we're really weak in August. We got any August candidates running? You don't get shit off in August. What party are you looking for?

It doesn't matter. It won't matter enough in my life. You'll all agree with this. Fucking voting day. Presidential voting day should be the day fucking off. Federal holiday. Although, those of you, all you fucking liberal cocksuckers out there who get

in all, yeah! They don't have jobs. There's a hole in your theory. Voter ID law is mandatory if you do that. Alright? Yeah, I was gonna bring up voting day, but I didn't want to go politics. You're not gonna, uh, you're never going to get pushback from me, Kyle, on we should get this day off!

I'm like, no! I'm on your team with that one. No, I do like the idea of voting day off. I'm like, no! I'm on your team with that one. No, I do like the idea of voting day off. I don't know how much it would impact voting. It'd still be nice, though. I bet. I think it would impact it quite significantly. Most people would treat it just like a day off. I think that people would picture a huge

resurgence in voting patterns and volume, but I don't think we would. I think that there is just a percentage of people naturally or whatever that just don't care like just apolitical like if you just use like social media to try and gauge people you're like man there's like 50 of people on this 50 of people on this and they don't like each other it's like no really there's a huge swath of people out there who don't fucking care they watch entertainment shows they watch sports they don't let it you know like those people probably aren't gonna vote just because they get the day

off they'll be like hell yeah day off speaking of a divisive issue obviously uh nike has chosen colin kaepernick as their spokesman for their 35th anniversary 25th whatever um like like ad program that they're doing and uh oh they lost billions of dollars on a day where their industry also went down you know it's like settle down did the industry go down i i looked at it lost like four percent which they went down a little more than the other ones but it's like do you know how big of a company they are like that's they're gonna be fun i i i you know i i i i don't really like that guy i i don't like the kneeling at the football games. I just don't. I just don't like it. And there's a bunch of reasons for it.

For one thing, I don't think you should be able to... I think he's at work. And if his boss is okay with him kneeling, I'm okay with it. All right? But if his boss isn't, not okay with it. Two, I feel like it's disrespectful. And I don't care if one veteran somewhere said that it wasn't disrespectful because he doesn't speak for me or for all veterans or for anyone for that matter he speaks

for himself um and argument i don't like it kind of ties into the space thing where it's like i i mean it's it's exactly what i said like he speaks for him but he doesn't get to speak for other veterans i mean there's plenty of veterans who are like no that's fucked up. That's disrespectful. What he's doing is he's protesting violence from police against black people. Right. That's his problem. And he used to sit on the bench. It started off as that. He sat on the bench and the national anthem would happen and he just sort of sat on the bench.

And a veteran was like, hey, man, what are you doing? Like, why? Why are you sitting on the bench? It's kind of disrespectful. I don't like it. And he's like, I'm trying to bring attention to this police violence against black people thing. Which, by the way, I actually have

some personal experience with. Police can often be biased against black people. And the guy says, you know what? I think you should kneel. That's a way to show respect. It's a thing we do at church. Take a knee during the national anthem. That way you're not just sitting on the bench hunched over,

you know, like you were before. And he says, all right. So he changed it. And then he kneeled and he's not trying to disrespect. And wore like socks with pigs dressed in cop uniforms on them. Again.

So look, I don't love that, but it does tie into what he actually says. What I don't like is when they're like, look, I don't love that, but it does tie into what he actually says. What I don't like is when they're like, ah, he hates veterans and soldiers and whatever, flowers and candies and apple pies. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. If you want to dislike that he's protesting violence from police against black people at a disproportionate rate, then at least hate that. Don't act like he's, uh,

you know, hating troops. I just, I can't believe how fucking simple this entire thing is and how we're still talking about it. Like the beginning and end of this should be, Hey, uh,

am I allowed to protest? You know? Oh, uh, Hey boss, owner of the team or whoever, you know, am I allowed to protest? Yes. uh hey boss owner of the team or whoever you know am i allowed to protest yes okay then you can do it no no you can't do it you're you're i'm you're my employee like that that's all it should be it should just be an employer employee conversation

if the employer decides they think that's okay and that it's not too damaging to their brand or it's not going to hurt the bottom line of the nfl or whatever and however they want to make the decision that's all it should be like and people oh you know free speech and whatnot it's like i i personally wouldn't fucking care if every owner in the nfl said yeah sure you can all do it i don't care i don't watch football anyway i don't think this is so not a big deal and i'm shocked we're still talking about it. I threw all my Nikes out. Cut them to pieces. That'll show them. I was going to make a Twitter or Instagram video. I was going to make a Twitter or Instagram video yesterday. I should have done it.

Where I lit my New Balance shoes on fire. Maybe I'll... Damn it. Too late now. I'm going to throw my Keurig machine on my Nikes and show them what's what. That was the most recent one. What my Keurig machine on my Nikes and show them what's what. That was the most recent one. What did Keurig do? Do you remember?

I didn't know Keurig did anything. Oh, that was a thing. Yeah, there were conservatives throwing Keurigs out the second floor window to show them what's what. Now you remember, right? Maybe they pulled their sponsorship from Rush Limbaugh or something. You know what's interesting? Oh, yeah. Sean Hannity, maybe.

The liberals leaned on them, and they backed out of a couple conservative shows. But then the protests worked, though, because whatever they did, they made peace with Sean Hannity to the point where Hannity was like, all right, all right, it's cool now. You guys can stop tweeting me the pictures of you, of you crushing your Keurigs. They, you know,

they, they, they made everything that, you know, they cleared this up or they made it cool. Like Sean Hannity had to literally, literally go and be like, all right, stop fucking sending me pictures of crushed Keurigs on Twitter and,

and like email. Like it's cool. It's so insidious the way the media leaps on things intentionally to try and create mountains out of molehills because they get paid by clicks and so they have an incentive to. And so the pattern you'll see is it'll be like a handful of Twitter users doing retarded

shit, like burning their shoes or throwing a Keurig around or throwing a huge fit about like, I used to go to Cabela's all the time, but you advertised on Hannity. I'm never going back for my Under Armour hunting gear or whatever. And then those people will find like a handful of those and then write an article about,

oh, liberals or conservatives are doing this in mass. There's a huge upswell of protests and boycotts. And then you check two weeks later. No, there's not. Like all these companies that stop advertising on Fox or stop advertising on MSNBC, flip your TV on. They all start advertising again two or three weeks later when you fuckers stop paying attention. You know why? It's because they notice a market decrease in sales and they go, oh, we got to get back on our advertising game.

You know, oh, it turns out the three million people who watch Hannity or the 2.5 that watch Rachel Maddow, oh, that's a way bigger net benefit than the handful of people who are burning and doing these things. Because most people don't care. These kinds of protests don't work. People misunderstand how these things are meant to work. It's like, oh, I'm going to go after fucking Keurig because they advertise here. No. That TV show is going to fill that slot with someone else. They're going to make that money. Don't be foolish. They're going to, you know, that TV show is going to fill that slot with someone

else. They're going to make that money. Don't be foolish. They're going to make that fucking money. The way to stop it is literally turn off your football screen. Turn off the NFL if you want to protest it. That's the only thing that's going to hurt them because then the dealership is going to tank. I'm like 15 years ahead of you.

Maybe 25. I think I heard something about it like months ago, maybe even last year with Budweiser, where enough people had stopped watching the NFL. It wasn't because they threatened Coors or something, but it was like, oh, hey, we're Anheuser-Busch, we're a huge sponsor, and you're not reaching nearly the number of people that we've been paying you for, and so we're going to need you to cut these rates back. That's what actually hurts these people directly.

You attack some coffee company that has a 30-second slot on Hannity or Rachel Maddow, you're not doing anything. You're just ruining appliances and making yourself look like a jackass. I love Mike Keurig. I don't care if they support fucking pedophilia, fucking anti-Semitism, whatever. I press a button. As long as they've got a good cup of joe. Like an 8 o'clock dark roast.

I never catch the media running the story. Like you talked about how the media runs it. They make a mountain of Mulhill and get paid by clicks. I watch CNN and MSNBC and Fox. I usually don't see them running with it. I get exposed to it through social media. You have to go to print. Print is the way they push those.

It's because they'll do the thing where they take like a screenshot of two twitter users and then write as though it's indicative of a huge groundswell trend and then the way journalists work off each other is they'll cite one another's articles yeah and be like oh you know suzy johnson over here did this and i'm using that as my source you know look at this five sources all citing the same three tweets it's like where i do see it is like regular dudes on facebook like those are the people that have all the passion that show their the retweet videos of burning nikes or keurigs falling through the sky uh yeah they're silly people passionate on social media yeah anyway kyle yeah if you've been playing games for a while no doubt you've slayed a dragon

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I came up with paramotoring and physical therapy. Seems to fit. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know oh we mentioned rogan earlier did you happen to see um cowboy uh serroni's story about cave diving no i saw that there was a story about cave diving and mike perry referenced it but i didn't hear it so um it's like a 15 20. Cowboy's a good storyteller. He doesn't go ABC. Is he the guy from Sunny? No. Yes! Yes, he was in that episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fight Bill! He's a comedy, right? Yeah, he's like, whooping himself.

I guess he's sort of a master diver at this point. He explained the certification levels, how there's open water, and then another kind of open water, then cave diving is is about as extreme as it gets and explained that there's this sort of rule in cave diving that if you and i are in the cave something bad happens to you i'm getting out because like trying to help someone down there both people can often lose their lives you often hear that in like drowning victims, you know, in certain scenarios. I won't like go through the whole thing,

but basically his friend gets in trouble in a cave and he and like starts freaking out and there's a lot of silt on the bottom of the and that gets thrown up into the water and they're blind now. And he's like, safety's behind me. There's a cloud of silt, and my friend tangled in a line in front of me, and I say, fuck it. I'm going to get him. And he goes into the cloud and gets lost. And so most of the story is about being blind in a cloud of silt, having no idea where he is in this cave,

and repeatedly referencing how much air he has left until he gets to the point where he's like this is how i'm gonna die and he starts thinking about right he's got like a underwater writing kit whatever you call that like the and he starts thinking about writing the letter to his daughter and his wife that he's dead he starts thinking like i'm not gonna drown that's not how i'm dying but i do have like this uh this little this little thing that has like 15 or 20 big breaths in it that i like a like a spare thing and i can use that and i can just rebreathe the same air until i go unconscious and i can just go out that way and then he's like no you're a fighter you're a fighter you're gonna

figure it and he like goes through it's it's a great story. Joe doesn't say a word. Joe is just spellbound through the whole thing. It's excellent. I feel like, and I could be wrong, but it seemed like Cowboy was about to cry at a couple points during the story. Very good story. Great episode of Rogan. Is he way too big to

come on PKA? Cowboy? I don't know. Maybe he might come on. He's a really cool'd be fun to try yeah i don't know maybe he might come on he's a really cool fighter he's one of those fighters who he isn't the guy who has like the perfect record he isn't uh but but he he's the guy who who fucking shows up and gives it his all like that nate diaz fight where you know but cowboy's getting destroyed by a better opponent than him. So Nate Diaz is gangster, and he's game, and he shows up. And he often kind of does like a psychological warfare with his opponents ahead of time. He hates them.

He hates them. And when you get into a fight with Nick Diaz, you're not entering into a sporting match like you are with a lot of people. You're getting into a fight, and he's going to hate you all the way through it. And Cerrone, I remember leading up to this was game right nitty is flipping him the bird he's saying fuck you and seroni is like fuck ye fuck me fuck you you don't understand seroni thinks he's gonna win and i loved it the whole lead up to it seroni is like no man fuck you you know and they're just equal powers and their physiques are very similar too and they're just you know like they're you know you don't know how this is gonna go and at the start of the match you know they're like angry

at each other they're flipping each other off and no one is giving an inch two rounds in it's clear Nate Diaz is winning this fight. It's rough. Any normal person would be looking for an exit sign. And Nate Diaz across the octagon flips off Cowboy Cerrone. And he goes, yeah, you're right. And then he goes out there and tries again. And it was just, it was so courageous. I loved it.

I loved it. Yeah, he's there to fucking entertain you and he knows it and so he does it you know like he could have he could have he could have he could have given up his neck in that in that previous round and gotten the fight fucking fight over with but he you know he comes back out like a real warrior and just took an ass beating for our entertainment pleasure yeah yeah he's i mean that is their job he He's a tough guy. Yeah. I don't even, some of the, a lot of them don't see it that way. I,

I, I, if you ask Tyron Woodley, if his job is to take ass beatings for our pleasure, his say, he would say his job is to make as much money as he can. And, uh,

and, and, and when it, you know, it's, it's, it's not about how you get there. It's about where you're going.

Yeah. He's about winning and he doesn't care what it, what the fight looks like to the fan necessarily it wouldn't be crazy to me if tyrone woodley lost the championship lost a fight and got cut because nobody wants to see tyrone woodley the ufc doesn't like him of course he said that word for word he's like who wants to see this guy fight again yeah yeah that's his champion that's his champion this champion who's just spent the last 10 rounds avoiding fighting yeah yeah yeah thank i i didn't understand the 10 rounds remark at first but yeah yeah you're absolutely right it's darren till is that who he's fighting yeah english bloke he

apparently started cutting weight days and days ago like like i he i saw him uh today he looks too lean oh you think okay i could be i don't know i i'm not an expert you know but but but i i just go off of what i read and what people say and chael seemed concerned that he's cutting that much weight uh he is an expert yeah yeah so i saw him i'll call it four or five days ago and i was like damn he's coming in fit so for people that don't know darren tilt didn't make weight his last fight and beyond that his last fight was not a championship fight so not only did he not make weight but he uh he had an extra pound so he only had to weigh 171 and he didn't make that oh yeah he weighed 172 or something something like that yeah so so this time around and and it sounds like it's a small thing but uh to cut that

the last pound is the hardest pound it's almost like exponential or the way that they do it so to be 172 and not make 171 like he really didn't make 170 it's a bigger deal than you might guess and i saw him five days ago, and I was like, dude, this guy's looking sharp. He's got his nutrition on lockdown. But if Kyle and Chael are saying now he looks, what I'm guessing is like a... He looked awfully thin.

What's the word? It's not emancipated. That means something that... Emaciated. Emaciated is what I'm going for, yeah. Yeah, if he looks emaciated, then that's not good. He could be weak. I was...

I don't remember where I read it recently, but they were discussing how one of the things about a hard weight cut is the dehydration, and it's the... Your brain has less liquid, and so you're more vulnerable to a knockout because there's less cushion in there.

And I started thinking how that could definitely come in play with the mcgregor fight i i'm like i feel like habib supposedly walks around at like 195 to 205 and he's cutting to 155 i and he and he's about to i feel like connor's gonna ko this motherfucker i i i feel he's gonna ko. I'm confident in it at this point. I've got five dollars on Habib. Here's the thing, though. Think about this. Habib can take him down, sure, but he finishes a third of his fights. He finishes a third of them. Just because he takes Conor

down doesn't mean it's over. He might be like, hey, you wish you could get up, don't you? And Conor's going to be like, you wish you could finish me, don't you? Because they're going to stand us back up at the end of this round. Oh, you mean finish? Like knock out? Yeah.

Or submit. Yeah. I don't see that happening. It's interesting to me that – Conor's going to get stood up a couple of times, and all he's got to do is hit him once. It's interesting to me that Habib hasn't developed his submission game more than he has. For people that don't know, this guy gets you down, right?

A lot of times the grapplers, like they come in, they're great grapplers, they have a reputation for that. And then they get up against a guy who knows all you're going to do is grapple and they can't take him down. You know, they just do everything they can to avoid getting taken down and they succeed at that. Habib somehow still takes you down at will. This guy hits seven, eight, 12 takedowns in a match.

He suplexes good fighters and just he's great at taking people down but for some reason hasn't really worked on his arm bars and strangles you know he just he puts you down he punches you kind of ineffectively for 25 minutes that's his game and it's just odd to me to me that he doesn't go for subs more than he does. He missed a lot of takedowns versus Al Iaquinta, especially in the later rounds. I agree. Maybe less than a third.

I just don't see this guy beating fucking McGregor. McGregor looks good, too. I saw some photos of McGregor today, I think someone linked me. He looks fucking lean and powerful, looks motivated. You could be right. I'm super psyched. I'm super psyched too. So McGregor, he does look good.

He always seems to look good. Even when some fighters look bad in between fights, McGregor always seems to look good in between fights. Doesn't mean his cardio is good, but he's just lean and strong looking all the time. But man, when was his last fight 2016 yeah and if you're not gonna if you don't count the boxing match yeah it's two years now i think that hurts him he's fucking mental warrior man i don't think i think ring rust is in the head not in your hands um i i i wish that betting were fucking legal in my state and i because like i said, I don't want to bet even money.

That doesn't seem fair. But I would take those fucking odds for sure. Oh, is he the underdog right now? McGregor's underdog, plus 140. So I would definitely, I'd put 200 on that. McGregor to KO him. And I'd love to get in on the little prop bets or whatever they're called. Like, oh, KO in round one.

I'd put some money on McGregor to KO him in round one and round two. No way. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You think anybody was going to take that bet versus Jose? Here's what I want you to do. Here's what I want you to do. I hope you do this.

Write down the bets you would have placed, and then let's talk about how it would have worked out. Okay, I will do that. Yeah, I'll give myself like – I'll do that. Yeah, sure. And I might be able to get – Because I'll tell you, I've done – not actually write it, but I've committed to like, you know, I am so confident in this and that and that. And then Hillary Clinton loses the election.

That's the biggest one in our lifetime, I think. The biggest fucking underdog story. I wonder who won the most on that. I think. The biggest fucking underdog story. I wonder who won the most on that. It's the biggest underdog story of our lifetime. It's definitely up there. But do you remember a year before the election, the odds to bet on Trump were insane. Somebody out there made millions off this.

Probably multiple people. What if it was him? Wouldn't you like get a little bit of a Trump boner despite all the hate and all the reasons we have to hate him? If he said, by the way, before I announced, I bet $1 million that I would become president at 1 million to 1 odds. Add another billion for big Trump. Is that the math? A million times a million is a billion.

No, no, it's not. A thousand times a million is a billion. Yeah, it'd be a trillion maybe. It would be, he would crash the economy of Nevada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A million times a million is like, is that a trillion? Or a quadrillion? It's so many zeros, I don't know.

We don't really work with those numbers often. A trillion. A trillion. There's a trillion right here. And guess what? I just bought Amazon. Bought it through a shadow figure. That asshole would never sell it to me.

Got it anyway, Jeff. Enjoy your life. Now WAPO has nothing but positive coverage on Trump just it's the exact opposite of what it is now just the next day clean house new people have you seen the black unemployment figures we're running with that story every day yeah it's that man i wish i knew exactly what the odds were on that because like i saw little tales of people being like oh yeah i put five grand on trump knew exactly what the odds were on that. Because I saw little tales of people being like, oh yeah, I put five grand on Trump when the odds were 1,000 to one. It's like, how could that be true?

Show me your receipts. Yeah. That's got to be the most exciting day of your life. To have a grand on there and watch him win. I think the subreddit is WallStreetBets, and they often show, like, screenshots of the actual receipts or clips that they made, like, I'm rolling the dice on this thing!

And they lose a lot, but it's pretty fun to watch. Let's see. Oh, you're looking for Trump odds? Yeah. This guy won $2.5 million through the course of the campaign betting on Trump, like, you know, as the odds changed throughout the course of the campaign betting on Trump. As the odds changed throughout the campaign, he bet more and more. The customer made several bets as the odds continued to shift with polls.

The odds of a Trump win closed from 25 to 1 in August 2015. It was 25 to 1 in August of 2015 when he first announced his campaign. Or returned 25 times yeah we know what 25 to 1 means magazine what do you think's reading down to six to four ahead of the first debate and five to one on tuesday night which is election night all right it says one betfair gambler was competent in trump's victory with a future that has been widely considered delusional and improbable he was the biggest winner over the presidential elections 2.5 million yeah yeah that's insane that's pretty great that's life-changing yeah for sure well maybe not well he bet at 25 to 1 and he ended up with 2.5 million so what did he bet 10 is that a hundred thousand yeah yeah he bet a hundred thousand dollars

yeah man well still that's really cool good for him yeah fuck yeah man yeah that's one of those things that like would be in biff's you know sports almanac if you could go back in time be like hey you're not gonna believe this even when i tell you when you're living through it trump's gonna win put everything you have on him and also buy bitcoin seven years before that yeah like right yeah that would be the big i think that's kind of the thing that any of us would do right like the most recent in our lifetime thing go back buy bitcoin when it's six cents a piece and people are sending out what is now like a million dollars to buy pizza with With future knowledge of sports or stocks or anything, you can just multiply the money over and over and over many, many fold.

Because you could bet that the stock's going to go up. I would argue stocks is better than sports. Yeah, because you can win on the way up, you can win on the way down, and you can just keep fucking bouncing it, just betting futures. Plus they futures taking your money you're allowed to get as rich as warren buffett in stocks it's all legal nobody's concerned about it i feel like vegas had stopped taking my bets and i'd just be screwed sure yeah yeah you'd have a hard time finding a sports book that wanted your fucking action because you've never lost yeah

you'd have to do both and like diversify and then intentionally like 25 of the time make purposeful losses to like throw people off the trail you could you could just win the lottery on one of those nights where it was like half a billion you know like like there's pre-knowledge get what is is this the is the greatest mass uh superpower ever fucking dr strange is the most powerful marvel character because he can see the fucking future and he can do it twice yeah a million times yeah yeah i don't know man i uh i think that's the biggest underdog story of uh of our lifetime i can't think of any i think it was uh bill burr on like conan like right after he won and of course like the whole crowd there was like all like boo and boohoo sad and he was he was like uh this is the biggest upset ever he's the

greatest shit talker ever what are you gonna do the dude sat up there got roasted by the president and said motherfucker in two years i'm gonna have your job and he did it and he's like all you guys acted like the 1980s olympics blows that out of the water nothing does means nothing but miracle on ice? Yeah. It's like, who cares? He's bringing up all these upsets. I remember him. I don't know if it was the same show, but everyone's all boo-hoo.

And Bill Burr is like, what? You're going to be fine. You'll be fine. It's the president. You're always fine. It doesn't matter. You're fine. Don't worry about it. You're fine.

Yeah. Let me ask you about Obama. Did he ever come into your house, make you a sandwich yeah do anything for you no it's gonna be fine that was so funny to me to like that of everyone mr hothead bill burr is like the voice of calm down like it's he was he was yeah yeah he's he's great i wonder when his next special is coming out because he's disappointed me with the last two not because they were bad on their own but just because you know and i think what it was you last week you brought this up comedians it just drops off naturally i think i i'll tell you what the problem is and i i've mentioned this on the show before so forgive me but like

life's too well to her for him he's married he's happy he that the wife needs to either the wife needs to leave him and take half his shit if you want a good bill burr special oh my god that's what you get on fire she she fucking leaves him and takes half his shit and i don't know if they got kids but like maybe one of the kids kid dies kid fucking dies and then she leaves him are we sure we have to go in this direction you want look this is this is how greatness is made, okay? It's through adversity. I'm not sure he'll get better if his kid dies, though, right?

He'll be fucking hilarious. See, I think the kid die thing might be too far because that might send him into just a complete spiral of depression and suicide. All right, he keeps the kid. No, no, she takes the kid.

But the kid's still, the kid is not dead. Yes. He's not dead. I think he should get to visit the kid twice a week, and he'll be properly pissed. The new stepfather is influencing the kid in ways he doesn't care for, though.

Oh, yeah. The kid's calling him daddy. This is mean, but it will make for a good special. That's a fucking special and a half right there. The kid thing, just a divorce, because you go back through his old opinions and everything and it's, oh, I'm never getting married.

He was a card-carrying member of the Church of Kyle for many years. He was. He was a disciple. And then he left. He abandoned Kyle's flock and his last two specials haven't been that good, if we're being honest. Like, they're not. Now the poor guy's rich, famous, and happy.

You know who's about to have the most killer special ever, right? Josh Wolfe? Louis C.K. Ah, maybe. Louis C.K. comes back. He's got a whole lot of material. I'm about to just spray it all over you guys. Forgive me. I'm not asking permission.

You're here. You signed a consent form. Let's go. Yes. I want him to make fun of the whole thing. Raincoats for the signed a consent form. Let's go. Yes. I want him to make fun of the whole thing. Raincoats for the front row. But I don't think you can. I don't think you can do that, Joe.

I think there's so many people who have thrown him in and painted him with the same brush as the Bill Cosbys and the Weinsteins. When he did it in, I can't remember who the comedian was that was just talking about this recently. I heard him. He's like, he did it in the most polite way possible. Oh, Rogan. He was like, he did it in the most polite way possible oh rogan he was like he did it in the most polite way possible he said he asked for permission

to masturbate in front of these women right like like there's no it's creepy but it's not assault it's not illegal it if i if i ask a woman if i can masturbate in front of her and she says yeah and i whip it out like like i don't think i've done anything wrong personally it's creepy it's creepy and i wouldn't want it to happen to a lady that i that i that i that i cared about i suppose but yeah it's permission i mean i well i mean like like i might say that and then like my sister's like ah well as long as he asks you know like like like i bet there's a ton of women out there who are like i'd like to see that what's it look like yeah go ahead oh yeah carpets match the drapes yeah just keep your distance you know

don't point that at me or anything yeah go for it you think you can hit the cup yeah he's uh it would be funny if he came back with a great special, but I think Woody's correct on this one. He's going to have to come out all apologetic, and he's going to have to over-apologize for it. He hasn't done it yet. He hasn't done it yet. He's not going to. I think, I hope he does.

I mean, I talked about this. I think it was PKN, but, you know, Pee Wee Herman came back, and he's like, you haven't heard any good jokes lately. I hope Louis C.K. does that. I hope he just owns it, runs with it, says, yeah, I did it, has some material on it. That'd be great. He's definitely going to do something like that.

It's definitely different than Pee Wee Herman because no one, not even men, care if you make other men sexually uncomfortable. And that's what that situation was. The weird thing about Pee Wee is he was a he's a child's entertainer he was a child's entertainer and and to be found masturbating in an adult theater um was especially during and at that time i feel like i feel like morals that loosen up as time goes on a little bit people aren't so stuck up about little things like that you know everybody fucking masturbates and it was a time before the internet right like

like yeah there was not as many places for it to gain traction if if somebody bust if somebody that everybody fucking masturbates. And it was a time before the internet, right? Yeah. There was not as many places for it to gain traction. If somebody gave everybody shit who masturbated to a little pornography in a public theater with a bunch of other people around, I mean, we don't... Who among us? Who among us? I can't imagine anything more uncomfortable

than masturbating in a public theater you don't think it might be a thrill though? with a bunch of other men masturbating? no what if there were some chicks there? there aren't I've seen videos where there's women there I've seen the videos too

and they're not produced videos they're fucking amateur shit that's on a cell phone mine were meant to look amateur as well. Don't know why there was lighting. There's some real cum dumpsters out there. Any woman has ever organically walked in on her own and been like, yeah, I'm going to flick my bean next to all these dudes masturbating. That's not what they do, Taylor. They say, this is an environment where I can get fucked.

This is an environment where I can have 12 loads tonight. I don't think, okay this sounds made up I promise you I could write a thesis on this shit I have seen my share of the material and I can spot a produced amateur quote unquote, a faux amateur

film in a heartbeat I can tell by the graininess of the film. I could tell by the lighting. I could tell by what the people are saying. If there's no small talk, if there's no random silly small talk, if there's no copyrighted music just blaring because there's always music playing in these places, if none of the dozen gross guys that are there to bust a

load on this chick, none of them have any weird warts. They're all trimmed and groomed. He does seem like a subject matter expert on this. You are making points. You are making points as though you know what you're talking about, so I'll defer to you. I've never watched a porn video

about a porn video being played. They go to a porn theater about a porn video being played. No, no, no. Well, they go to a porn theater. It's like Inception. Oh, there's whole subreddits, like genres about people jerking off to their porn. Yeah. Yeah, it's not that necessarily a porn theater.

It's often in, there's lots of adult places where like pornography is played, whether it's like gay saunas or whether it's uh adult bookstores and there's like back rooms where stuff goes it goes on just like search on you know in your in your area like um uh what's the what's the what do they call them like fucking i think it's a sauna like search gay sauna in your area and and somewhere in your area there's a building where dudes go in, they go into a locker room, everybody strips down, puts a towel on, and they go in the back and they mill around and

in various stages of our lives and have orgies. I believe you one million percent that gay men do that. I'm saying that straight men masturbating in there, it's hard to imagine a straight woman walking into that lion's den. They often are accompanied by a straight woman walking into that lion's den oh they often are accompanied by uh by a man who's into watching her do this sort of thing a cuck a cuck yes yes

uh bernie sanders voter i think that's what that is yeah it's uh you know i'm gonna have to do some my due diligence on this kyle you do sound like an expert even though this isn't making sense to me i haven't but hey i read a story about a guy who plugged the space station with his thumb You know, I'm going to have to do my due diligence on this, Kyle, because you do sound like an expert, even though this isn't making sense to me. But hey, I read a story about a guy who plugged the space station with his thumb because there was a hole in it. And I didn't know that was possible either, but I don't know anything about space. Here's what I didn't know until that incident. If you guys are unfamiliar, probably Kyle heard of it, but the Russian space station got a hole in it. Actually, what it turned out to be is someone drilled a hole in it. And you're saying that's not the case?

I don't believe the fucking Russians. Well, this was on the International Space Station on the Russian side, right? Yeah. I think Taylor's right. And they showed the hole, and it's pretty clear to anyone who's ever drilled in metal what happened here. The hole is a perfect little circle the size of a drill bit. And there's like sort of telltale. If you've ever like scooted a moving drill bit across metal, it leaves a certain pattern, scratch mark thing.

And that was next to it. And it's just like, oh, well, freaking obviously someone drilled a hole in that, perhaps by accident. And the people on the ground noticed that the oxygen was dropping. It was kind of a non-crisis, I suppose. And someone put their thumb on it, and then eventually they repaired it with epoxy and something else. And there you have it. Interesting.

What I didn't know, I always imagined that if there was a hole in something in space, you got sucked out of it like crazy. I did too? Yeah. Every movie ever they just like they're grabbing like holding onto the walls feet getting pulled towards it etc and the guy just plugs it with his thumb until someone finds you know bubble gum

yeah it turns out the pressure inside a space station is like one atmosphere. 8 PSI or something. Yeah, 8 PSI, something like that. The same pressure that we have around us all the time. Now, underwater, you get some serious pressure, but they only pressurize it to one atmosphere. And outside, it's pressurized to zero atmosphere. It's not, because it's exponentially,

it's not a lot different than being on top of a mountain or something. It's just low pressure. Yeah, it's not that crazy. I learned that from some Neil deGrasse Tyson thing or something I watched a while back. So I knew that already. But in the movie Alien Resurrection, there's a part where she flicks some of her acidic blood out of the window behind the monster, and it gets stuck to that hole. And the hole's like the size of a quarter, and rapidly it is sucked through the hole,

like sort of like inside out. Like at first it breaks the skin, and then it sucks all the innards through it, and they're just spraying into space as the monster's going, like suffering horribly and i remember thinking like that might be the worst that's one of the worst ways to go that this this magical hypothetical alien space death book seems excruciatingly painful because it took like a minute or something to kill something forever oh i mean like if the hole's big enough

you're gonna die pretty quick it's not actually that was another thing that's kind of they made it i've always thought that if you went into space like it was just like an instant death ruining thing it's apparently not that insane to like be in space to be to be out there i mean you can't breathe anything i don't want to do it i don't want to do it yeah but i don't know like your eyes instantly popped out and left your sockets and like crazy things happen i don't think your blood boils i've never seen anybody do it i've heard like the oh as soon as you're out there in space like free floating if you don't blow all that you don't if you don't have all the air out of your lungs and you get out there it'll do some science shit and and yeah remember event horizon yeah yeah that scene in event horizon is pretty rough yeah where

you get depressed trust me out yeah man yeah yeah that made me not i don't ever want to go to space nah space is scary not like that's on my you know table hey my Elon Musk is just making all kinds of things happening he just i saw he tweeted out uh the 2020 roadster fastest production car in the world it's like zero to 60 in 1.4 seconds or something like that. Something insane. Things looks incredible. You okay there?

What happened, Woody? Autoplay shocked the fuck out of me. I still don't know why it autoplayed. So I was looking up what happens to a body in space. And if you're listening. Did you get electrocuted or surprised? Surprised. Okay.

But I know it looked like electrocuted. Yeah. Yeah. It's a long article. But what exactly does happen? Do your eyes explode outward while your blood evaporates? The truth is less dramatic and more fascinating. And it says the first thing you'll notice is the lack of air you wouldn't lose consciousness right away it could take 15

seconds as your body used up the remaining oxygen from your bloodstream if you don't hold your breath you could survive trying to get air oh and if you don't hold your breath you could perhaps survive for as long as two minutes without permanent injury. Wow. I can't wait for the first guy to break that record. Oh, man. Some of the Russian space stuff is really scary when you start learning about the way they beat us in the space, all those space races where they didn't have the safety issues that we did. We were concerned with our astronauts.

We were concerned even with our dogs that we were sending up there or whatever, and they just didn't give a fuck. So a lot of people apparently just got burnt up and they never mentioned it. They were just like, they told you about their successes and none of their failures. NASA is like,

hey, tomorrow, get this guys. Come on, get the cameras around. Yeah, everybody. We're going to launch this gigantic rocket with four guys in it. Oh, they're burning alive. They're all burning alive. Oh, God. It is a dangerous job.

They couldn't get out because we made the door funny. Shit. That's how NASA works. That literally happened, right? I don't know which one it was, but the astronauts all burnt alive inside the, inside the thing. How did the mission seven go yesterday? What mission seven?

It goes from six to eight. Yeah. Sputnik 31. It's like, oh, okay, made it. We,

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we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we,

we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we,

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it's like the way they'll do military groups, where they'll be like, all right, this is the 91st Marines. It's like, does that mean there's 90 other ones at least out there? Yeah, SEAL Team 6 is like that. They call it SEAL Team 6 so that the enemies all thought, holy shit, they got six groups of these bad motherfuckers? Six of those? At least. We don't know if there's seven.

I don't remember how many there are in reality, two or three or something like that whatever oh how lame of them to tell us not six right can we watch this video because it makes me laugh yeah man all right this is a gentleman on a um a roller coaster i think i haven't seen it for a little while. But he gets panicky and passes out constantly. So they put the windows, like, boot up and shut down sound on it. Are you guys queued up at zero? Yeah, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. No, no, no.

Oh, I love. He's not faking. That's dangerous. He should not be on the way. Look, he'll wake up. How horrifying. Look at him. He says, oh shit shit and passes out!

That might be good for you. Pass out as many times as you can in succession. Oh shit. I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I'm sorry! I can't believe it! Oh hell no! Wow, that's that's pretty fucking good. That's not, that can't be good. He should not be riding rollercoaster. He ended that rollercoaster

four IQ points lower than when he started. He can't be passing out six times in a minute. I watched a similar one. He wasn't on a roller coaster. It was like a chair with two people in it. They want a giant bungee that they pull down and spring up. And it goes up like five stories. It's gigantic.

And he passes out as it's surging through the air. And he was out much longer than this guy. And he comes to, and he's like, oh no, never again. Never again, never again. That was his big takeaway from riding the giant swing. He never wanted to do that again. I don't usually take pleasure in other people's misery, but somehow these passing out videos seem like fun.

Oh, he got on the roller coaster on his own. He knew. Unless this was his first roller coaster ever, in which case it's weird for him to be filmed as though someone was anticipating it. But you know what's weird? You, I don't know. Why were they filming?

Environmental, like not environmental, like atmospheric thing, You know what's weird? You... I don't know. Why were they filming? Environmental... Like, not environmental. Like, atmospheric thing. It's how you vomit on planes, but you don't vomit at all flipping around on a paramotor. Yeah, you know, it's... Sometimes I do get sick on a paramotor.

I'll do a cross-country thing, and it just, like... It's midday, and it moves me around too much. I don't get sick sick. I just feel bad. But I really think it's a loss of control thing and like a loss of vision thing you know when i'm in the airplane when i'm in the back seat of a car like i can't see what's happening and there's this disassociation between what i'm feeling and what i'm seeing whereas uh like when i'm flying

a paramotor or driving a car they they're associated and I don't get sick. Same thing with a big boat. Like if I'm on a big boat and I'm rocking around, but everything I see looks like indoors, that gets me seasick. So glad I don't have that. I've never been seasick. I've never been sick on a plane. I've never been motion sick. It's a weakness that I have. It was like something that I didn't get.

I was with my girlfriend at a roller coaster park and the way I do roller coaster parks is like, alright, we just finished, let's run back and loop into the line. Like immediately, right now. Like the whole point of today is to ride as many things as possible. It's like, oh, you want to get a snack? No!

We're here for roller coasters. I want to be riding all day. I have the same spirit, but after like three loops it's like yeah yeah you know what would be fun like we should check out the carousel one time too while i recover oh look at that there's not even a line for the for the bench ride it's near the water fountain yeah that's like and we got like five roller coasters into the day and like we were like about to walk in line and we got like the priority pass and i'm acting like a seven-year-old where i'm like way ahead of of her like come on come on you know we

all these people are in the regular line but this is recently like your current girlfriend yeah yeah this is like a couple months ago and she's like i don't i don't know if i can't like i need to really sit down for a bit if i go on on this again, I'm going to vomit. And I was like, no, you're not. She's like, yes, I know I will. And I'm like, all right. Well, now I'm going to go. You know what you might enjoy?

I don't think I have bandages. I bet you'd like this. I bet you'd like watching me ride roller coasters. It's a blast. Try it. Let's try it twice. I'll be back. It is kind of fun to not have that problem and ride with people who do have that issue with roller coasters. Because, like, I don't empathize at all.

I don't get it. But they're so uncomfortable. And they're so, like, either loosey-goosey like that guy or, like, so stiff. They don't think they're having fun. Like, shoulders tight and up and eyes closed. Which is, like, I can't possibly think that's any better. I don't want to pump myself up. But i'm brave about amusement park rides i'm just not as tolerant as my like courage matches up with right so you know the one where they spin you around and it's a giant disc that eventually goes like five stories tall and you're swinging i'm like i should

totally do that that looks like fun that's something that that i would like doing and then about three minutes into it it's like how long is this ride can i endure any more of this this is awful that's that's my experience i don't like those spinning rides are like it it's it goes from very little fun in the first 40 seconds to, did they forget us in here? Like, please take us down. I want a roller coaster. I want to feel and see the spanning of distance. You've got an idea of your speed then.

That's why it's fun. Just spinning, it's lame as shit. I hate spinning. If you don't go on them all the time like i don't think i've been on a roller coaster in 10 years so when i get back it's like wow these have gotten better you know the newest one is always like you know if you go to a big park like universal or disney world or something six flags they're usually trying to build world-class roller coasters the new one is better than anything you've ever been on, if it's been a while.

I don't do the spinning rides at all. Anything that goes in a circular motion, I refuse to do. I will get sick. I will vomit. It will ruin my fucking day. And it won't be that much fun at any point during the ride. I love roller coasters, like wooden coasters, metal coasters, fucking electromagnetic coasters. I like it when they get cute with the seating. There's Superman the Ride here in Atlanta where you are in the Superman position. You get in, it locks your chest in, and then it tilts you forward, and now you fly.

And if you wait, you have the pass and everything. You get in the very front coaster, so now there's not some asshole right in front of you. You are in front, and you have that visual of being Superman which is cool. There's one where you stand up. You're standing and it locks you in a standing position and it does like this weird back I can't explain it. It does this like

back flip and like when it comes down and it's at the bottom of the loop-de-loop it like, I pass out every time. I go unconscious for maybe two seconds. Why do you keep going on it? It's fun. We need some video of this, Kyle.

I promise. We won't put it online unless... You black out for two seconds and then you're back. And it's just in that one part of the ride. Every time I've ever ridden it, it's called the Georgia Scorcher, maybe. I can't remember.

Is it embarrassing to pass out? No. Nobody knows. I just black out and then I'm back two seconds later. I've been choked out a couple times, and I don't know why. Sorry to interrupt your story, but my reaction, which doesn't make sense intellectually, is to be embarrassed. Like, everyone's laughing.

Everyone knows something I don't know, and I'm really out of the loop, and that's how I feel. Seems natural. The other kind of ride that I like a lot, and it's actually the one that scares me the most, they have this thing in Atlanta called acrophobia, which means the fear of heights. If you remember in the episode of It's Always Sunny

when Dee got her braid ripped out of her head, there's this ride where you sit in it and you're kind of in like a bicycle seat kind of thing. And then some shoulder clamps come down over you and it, you just go straight up, you go straight up 200 feet roughly. And then it tilts forward. So you're kind of almost facing the ground late, late, like face first. And then the operator starts messing with you the operator's like all right blah blah blah welcome to acrophobia that's you know it's the highest point and blah blah blah we're up to 225 feet and mid-sentence he drops you he doesn't there's no warning you're just you're just gone and the thing doesn't start it's got got an electromagnetic brake. It's incredibly good

at braking this enormous amount of people and machinery right before it hits the ground, but in a nice, controlled way. It's not a jolt. It's full speed for 95% of it, and then you're on the ground again. It's

fucking terrifying. I love that kind of ride. That is my favorite kind of ride in the world i've been on some like you're the operator mess with you i see ones where they mechanically mess with you right we're like you're up at the top you're looking down you don't know like what the fuck and then it falls four inches and like the tower of terror did that does it yeah yeah i the one i'm talking about was more of a chair like outdoors but um but yeah it'll fall four inches and you're just like and then it drops you for real and and usually there's a couple drops along the way like tower terror to make the most of the altitude but uh yeah that kind of ride is i i don't get sick and

i get all the thrill yeah for sure i don't like those ones like i'll do them but i've never like oh yeah the fall ride like i i'm much i just like going really really fast on roller coasters that's why the top thrill dragster at cedar point is the most fun roller coaster i've ever been on in my entire life like you you go so fast the first time you ride it and so quickly like it also uses magnets to accelerate you, and you hit, like, well over 120 miles an hour over the course of no time at all. Like, not at all. And it fires you straight up in the air, like 400 feet,

doing a couple, like, you know, spins, and then you see, you know, the whole Great Lake, and then you go straight back down, and it's over in less than 30 seconds, but it's a blast. What's more fun? Getting pulled up the first hill with a chain as you anticipate and hear the clicking and clacking, or going up the first hill as part of the ride electromagnetically? I like both.

It depends. Like, I really do love roller coasters. It's one of my favorite things in the world. So, like, I appreciate the old-timey wooden coasters because they're different. They're definitely different. They're rougher. it's a different feel but i really like yeah so it can be a rough ride you know it's it's it's it's mechanical it's old-timey yeah and and i love that a lot but i i like the ones that fucking ramp you up there and now it's time like it's it's i like it all i love love roller coasters. Yeah, I do too. But the anticipation, the click, click, click, click,

click, click, click, click, that's fucking classic. I often have changed my mind about 50 clicks into the click, click, click, click, click. I'll be like, you know, I think I would opt out of this right now if I could, but I'm 8,000 feet up.

I don't... There's no way to get out of this. Let's see if I could, but I'm 8,000 feet up. I don't know. There's no way to get out of this. I'm not sure. I don't know. I'm not sure what you're saying. We're talking about ads. I don't have anything to hide.

I want to make sure we did all the ad reads. We have a picture for YouTube music that I just don't know if we did the ad read for. I want to make sure we did all the ad reads and we have a picture for YouTube music that I just don't know if we did the ad read for. I know I stepped away. Ah. Is that a post roll one? Yeah, I didn't even see that there. Oh, yeah.

YouTube music just announced I don't even know how to read that, you know? Like, what am I supposed to say about that, even? YouTube music. You don't have a read for it? You've got what I've got. Yeah, but I never look at it because you do the read stuff. Here, I'll show you.

I've got a... Everybody, check out YouTube music. You can download the link somewhere. See that? That's what I've got. Yeah, I don't know what to say there. YouTube music. Just announced.

Oh, he gave an explanation in the middle of it. We're good. We can move on from this. They haven't sent the read. Anyway, check out YouTube music. They have music. I actually have it. You can see it whenever I play videos or something.

I've got the YouTube premium thing. They have every song. I listen to it in the car. It's a nicer version of YouTube youtube and you don't get ads youtube has this like premium music all this stuff i think sort of lumped together yeah m&m uh just dropped a an album out of nowhere called kamikaze that people aren't seeming to love too much oh really because i i haven't heard it but i've got a different vibe for it even my wife liked it which that's good i listened to the kamikaze track and i liked it a lot i guess he spends a lot of time i saw this big graph like showing who he's dissing throughout the entire thing and it's like

trump makes up a good percentage of it and i guess he uh you know this guy named machine gun kelly who i've never fucking heard of as a rapper. And they're going back and forth with some sort of rap battle, which is mildly entertaining, I suppose. I've got something that you guys will get such a kick out of. If you guys know who Chris D'Elia is, he's a comedian who's very funny on Twitter.

And he posted this mocking of Eminem's style of rap, and it went pretty viral and like i was watching it like oh this probably won't be that funny it is hilarious there's no music in it so it's fine to it's fine to play you guys will like it uh i'm ready all right ready yeah ready set play of course i'm on a torrent i'm driving a driving a Porsche over the floorboards, over the four points, while you're in the floor, getting an abortion and a divorce at the same time the here's the four.

Look what I'm planning, planning. I'm planning to do all this while you're panicking, and you're looking and staring at mannequins, and I'm going to fan against trying to get up a mannequins. All of the mannequins, mannequins, Fanikins, Fanikins. While all the Banikins, Fanikins, and it in the cabana. I'm in the cabana and the channing. I'm in the cabana chanting all the standard banter.

Well, you don't got the stamina. You're lacking the stamina. You're lacking the stamina while you're divorcing Harrison Ford. And I'm in a Porsche and the Ford. While I'm on a torrent. Using way too many napkins. Papkins. Lapkins and chapkins. You using chapstick and napkins

while I'm papkin. Flamping around like a papkin. What a papkin. Flamming a babbity pan of chapkin. Okay. That's exactly what some of his verses are. In that like say it in a different voice it's kind of raspy which i don't think he's like mocking him really like it's just kind of

poking fun because eminem does do that but yeah anyway i got i thought that was hilarious it's funny i i think i've made you guys sit through it before this like evolution of the rhyming schemes and rap and then suddenly eminem starts rhyming in the middle and the end. It's crazy. And now it's gone full circle where a lot of guys write music like that that's kind of inspired by Eminem. And we had a Patreon explain it as rappity rap. He's like, yeah, it's rappity rap.

And he just started talking about how other people are doing it even better now, which I like rap, but I like like 1% of rap you know i like the rap songs that maybe everybody likes and uh i haven't heard kamikaze yet i'll have to tell you what i think but yeah he released it like as a out of nowhere thing yeah it was yeah no marketing huge and every it seems to work like it seemed like i don't know maybe less hype got it a better reception and then it has this like viral kind of hype which is cool and cheap so he doesn't need oh sorry what you broke

up i lost you i didn't mean to step on you go ahead no i was about to wrap up but yeah it worked for him and it's cheap and it's going and i think you're right with what you're about to say he doesn't need a big push m&em releases an album. People care. Yeah, for sure. He's not only got his own 22 million Twitter followers, he knows that every rapper on earth is going to start tweeting about it.

I saw Arian Foster tweeting about it to his over half a million followers. He knows that the people who enjoy him are very active on social media. Why waste his money? Why would his label waste the money? I don't know if he owns his own label or if he's like Dr. Dre's prodigy. Shady aftermath.

Okay. It's interesting this. He started dissing other rappers and a lot of the other rappers are just like, oh, happy day. Eminem dissed me. This is better than a Grammy.

I'm so honored to have been mentioned by Eminem. And it's an interesting change now. It used to be. It used to legit battle with people. There was one guy who was so excited. I think it was on Wholesome Black People Gifts, maybe. And he was like, you don't even know the culture. And then he

makes a reference to the guy's name. I forget it. But he's like, did you hear that? He's like saying I'm part of the culture. That's what's saying he was i think he called his mom you know it was a really cool thing i'd listen to eminem's new song he really rips me a new one in that particular case that he complimented but yeah all the rappers are just excited to have been mentioned by eminem it seems and that that's kind of cool he's yeah he's kind of cool. He's had a great career. I started listening. I guess when the real Slim Shady came out, that was the first thing I heard.

Then I started buying up everything that there was. After that, it was like Harry Potter books. I was there every time one would get released. I was trying to find the explicit version because fucking Target would sell the edited version. Maybe it was Walmart. I had to go to one or the other to get the legit and be i'd be listening to that shit on the way to school

um yeah i don't know but i one of his songs like all he wants to do is be in the conversation for like the greatest right you know he wants his name to be on that short list i feel like he accomplished that yeah oh for sure oh for sure. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I think that's kind of, I don't know shit about the rap community, but I think it's pretty understood that they all see him as one of the greats.

Didn't used to be. Yeah, he definitely earned his way. And he's got an interesting life story with his dad and his wife and his kids or his kid. I don't know how many i think he's just got the one hayley and uh i don't know it's been an interesting little road for him uh struggling at first and then his fucking movie was great right like eight mile was excellent i

remember seeing that in theaters and be like wow you can fucking act it was really good and then of course like the soundtrack off that god knows how much money you made off that the lose yourself song was so fucking massive yeah was that the call of duty one it's like yeah yeah lose yourself in the music the moment you want it better never let it go i wonder i've got two things in video game culture i'm kind of wondering about one is cod's coming back in his track this time right yeah can it be good can they recapture any of that interest track is the sort of best developer even if it is good i think i'm about i'm just kind of done like maybe i'll get a nostalgia a lot of players aged out right like like taylor i think

you're a good example you love that thing at 15 what are, 27 now? Yeah. You're a different you. 2005, like 12, 13 years ago, I loved that. That was COD 2. That's when I started. COD 2? Yeah, COD 2. You don't mean Modern Warfare 2 or COD 2? No, I mean Call of Duty 2.

Damn. You can play like four player. You're old school. Yeah, Xbox 360 launch game. One sniper per team. I started in COD cod 4 you started before me the um the the interesting thing this year is the the battle royale being worked into it so they're doing the battle royale mode it'll be see it'll be interesting to see who makes the

cleanest best battle royale uh by by christmas time or whatever because battlefield pushed their release bit uh date back to like november or something like that because of their really poor numbers that they were seeing. And it's going to have a Battle Royale. So there's COD, Battlefield. I think maybe Red Dead Redemption will have some kind of, which is a much bigger game than you might think, will have a Battle Royale mode. Obviously, PUBG is still innovating.

They just came out with a big thing today you know they're releasing new guns new attachments um a whole uh like a practice uh area which which i'm kind of excited about it sounds dumb but like the only time you get to practice is in the game you know when your life's on the line they introduced a whole map that's a whole brand new map where you can just go and fuck around and be silly and there's like a 800 meter target range like in real life with targets moving there's all kinds of ramps and jumps and there's an endless spawning supply of guns grenades and stuff so you can actually practice you know the skills you use in game that normally you're like oh i only have one grenade i can't really be practicing my throws here so i don't know they keep innovating keep bringing stuff out and then scum's got i think

seven or eight hundred thousand players uh right now like like you know i keep seeing my discord light up over here and i know it's people talking about wanting to play scum tonight scum makes me wonder if people are going to migrate through the battle royale games much more quickly than they have other games in the past right skyrim Skyrim was sticky. People played that for years. COD was sticky, at least, in that people played it all year until the next one came out. It almost feels like people are going to go

from PUBG to Fortnite to Scum to something else all the time. They're very different player bases. The thing about all three of those games. Fortnite is a much younger crowd because it's free. PUBG is more military-esque,

more military simulating-esque and it's got its own flavor. And Scum is more, it's taken to the DayZ players. It's killing DayZ. DayZ is done. You just wait until they finish it. Yeah, right. Still in alpha or whatever. DayZ is actually more polished than you might think

now. DayZ is okay now. It took 10 years or whatever. Daisy's actually more polished than you might think now. Daisy's okay now. It took 10 years or whatever, but it is. Scum is... I don't know if I explained just how difficult scum is right now because it's been out seven days or something, eight days. So there aren't a lot of features in there yet. But you can see that there are going to be features. For example, there are medications within the world, like anti-malaria

and anti-radiation and anti-psychotic medications, like all these bottles of pills that say these things. But our characters aren't getting malaria or radiation or going psychotic or anything. All that's going to get worked into the game as they go. You know,

when you press tab and go to your metabolism, it looks like a medical chart there are dozens of of uh graphs with percentages on them you can see how much your stomach volume is your intestinal volume your colon volume your bladder volume you can see how much what your iron deficiency is how much sodium just a theory I bet the anti-psychotic prevents your teammates name

from disappearing that's good yeah I doubt that'll be it but nonetheless threw it out there lots of stuff in there like so much stuff and another thing that hasn't really been incorporated in it

is there's a whole skill-based thing where your character improves as you play and gets better at certain skills, and when he gets better at a skill, he can do things that other players can't. I think, for example, one of them is like if your survival skill is high enough, you don't require like a lighter and matches to make a fire.

Now you can sort of do it with some wood crafting and stuff like that i don't know all the all the the different ones but also within that game at any point i can start a uh like a team death match or a free-for-all and if you want to play in it you just click play and we all get warped into a certain part of the map and we play like a crazy respawn based like tdm free for all like within the server so that that's interesting but it's definitely for more hardcore people i think the average fortnite player would be like this is stupid this is slow this is annoying this is bullshit because you can jump in fortnite and it's like 10 seconds and you're and you're

parachuting down with from from a wacky umbrella dressed as Darth Vader into a colorful cartoon world, building and stacking and blowing shit up. PUBG, you're five minutes in, some cool shit has happened. This game, fucking five minutes in, and you just have figured out which direction to start walking in. Like an hour in,

you might have a quarter of the shit you want it's it's it's a slow survival game it's more role-playing than than anything in my opinion it's survival it's it's extreme okay i think i might have got the wrong vibe from it because there's excitement about it online you know people talking about pre-ordering that are almost religiously opposed to pre-ordering, but they love it so much. And this made me think that it was, I guess, getting more traction with casuals than maybe it is. Yeah, I hope it does. I mean, I'm enjoying the game. You know, I rented that server again.

You know, if you guys want to come play on the server, I'm quick. 172.107.179.162 colon 28702 if you want to come play with us. I want to watch the stats on that part of the show and see people replay, replay, replay, replay until they get those numbers written down. Yeah, right?

We had I think 35 or 40 people were in there the other night after or last night after PKN. So I'm sure we'll get the server good and filled up after this goes live. I've only got 50 slots, but I guess I could buy 14 more. I don't know. A couple of the guys gave me $5 to help cover the silly cost of the thing. I'm not asking for any money, certainly.

I'm not looking to profit from this. I just thought it was a fun way for us to have our own little corner of scum where there would always be slots open for us, and we couldn't get banned for, you know, shooting someone at some point in the game and making somebody angry. And also I'm able to, like, I turn those mechs down to 10%. Those fucking mechs are annoying as shit. If I could remove my wood.

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for 48 hours of early access. And let me just double check that that's all of them. That's post, post. Yeah, that's it. All right. Pink Killer already, episode 403.