Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #404

Episode Date: September 21, 2018

On this week's PKA, the boys are joined by stand-up comic and TV host for GSN's "Idiotest", Ben Gleib, and he shoots the shit with the guys discussing dumb people, and Ben share's some stories from the road. Then the guys review whether or not Wings is going to die in Hurricane Florence and then we cap the night off with Kyle sharing what he's been up to gaming wise and his 2 thoughts on what he's scene from the Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 Blackout beta.

Pink you are ready. Episode 404 with our guest Ben Gleib. Kyle? Yeah, pile of sponsors tonight. Monster Energy, Postmates, Smart Mouth, Get Quip, Casper, YouTube Music, eBay, which is a brand new one. I'm going to get to that later. And of course, once again, NBA 2K redefines what sports gaming can be with their 20th anniversary title NBA 2K19 on Xbox One. From best in class graphics and gameplay to groundbreaking game modes and an immersive open world neighborhood, NBA 2K19 pushes the limits and brings gaming one step closer

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and challenging puzzles to stop the apocalypse and ultimately become the Tomb Raider. Shadow of the Tomb Raider coming to Xbox One on September 14th. Pre-order the Croft Edition for 48 hours of early access. Is that it? That's it. I knew grinding up that Adderall and sticking it in Chiz's food would pay off. Now the first four minutes of show is ads. Hey, that's great.

We're very loved, and everybody wants you to play NBA. We've got Ben Gleib, which is great. Stand-up comedian. Host of a show. And as is tradition on our show, I would love if you would spend the next 20 to 25 minutes giving a really descriptive spelling out of what you believe, who you are, what you do.

My theory is he switched cameras and put his... Anyway. I would love to. I'm going to tell you a whole story of my life, you guys, My theory is he switched cameras and put his – anyway. What happened? I would love to. I'm going to tell you a whole story of my life, you guys, while randomly switching the camera to the other camera. So as to create the illusion of aloneness in this vast, unknowable universe. Thank you.

Wow, thanks, Neil. Mr. Tyson. Is anybody else annoyed by how douchey that guy's tweets are sometimes? Is anybody else annoyed by how douchey that guy's tweets are sometimes? Where like every single New Year's, he'll be like, you know, it's only happenstance that we chose January 1st. We're actually soaring through the air celestially at billions of miles. It's like you're an asshole, Neil. We know. He also acts like he's an expert on every single topic.

And we're like, we only think you're an expert in science and out of spaceship. But he's always like, the political system in this country is broken because you're Neil deGrasse Tyson. You're the air guy. I decided Pluto wasn't a planet. That's what you did. I could have been on that council and agreed. Yeah, you're right. It's kind of shitty and small.

All right. I'll agree that sometimes when he steps out of his area of expertise, it can be a little douchey. But the thing is, I'm pretty sure he's more intelligent than all of us combined. He's a really smart guy, and I respect his opinion, even if it's not about astrophysics necessarily most of the time. astrophysics necessarily most of the time but what i really like about him is that he's sort of you know exposing science and astronomy and astrophysics and all that shit to like an entire young generation and he's kind of breaks it down so that anyone can understand it including children and like you always hear that like like so many people who like work for nasa are like oh yeah star trek inspired me to do that you ever watch a fucking episode of star trek from the 60s kirk's running around fighting a man in a green rubber costume and that is that inspired like the

people who are building space rockets now so i i feel like you know he's doing a good thing for the world for for humanity i like it's not like he's teaching people science he's not like here's the formula for physics he does like the i fucking love science's the formula for physics. He does like the, I fucking love science. The formula for physics. Here's the formula for all of physics. You know, because there's one big one. I like watching the meta Neil deGrasse Tyson, right? That's what I enjoy. The whole world loved this guy two years ago. Couldn't get enough of him, right?

He's the greatest thing on earth. Black science guy, national hero, et cetera. Now, everybody hates him, right? He's the I am very smart, black science guy, national hero, etc. Now everybody hates him. He's the I am very smart subreddit in a nutshell. They take his posts and blast him like every one of his tweets. And I've just been standing back watching the show. I know. You look at it through that lens and it is just him intellectually masturbating himself.

He puts himself on as the smartest guy in the world. But I still like the show. I'm personally caught up on what you said a little while ago that apparently Shatner encountering green aliens is not the typical outer space experience.

No, I wouldn't think so. It's mostly loneliness and terror after you masturbate and the cum starts floating around near the electronics. Do you think they actually are motivated by those silly Star Trek episodes? Or they're like, what motivated you? And it's like, well, I was a loser virgin who was more interested in numbers than anything.

Didn't get laid until I was 28. And I just kind of got driven into there. But you don't have pussy. You have a lot of time to devote to stars. No, they're not going to say that. They're going to go, I saw a really cool show, but I was like, I was slaying it, just like the rest of you.

I'm just smart. Kyle's talking about outer space masturbation. And instantly, I'm like, that's why that guy drilled the hole in the Russian area of the International Space Station. He just wanted it to sort of go out into space and not get busted. That was his cover-up plan.

He wanted to come into space. Yeah, I personally... That's panspermia. It's floating around, he drills a hole, it all goes through there too, movie style, shoots out, and then he can say, hey guys, there's a hole here. We should probably do something about it. This brings up a series of questions in my

mind. One is, if somebody were to masturbate in zero gravity and he explodes in the spacecraft would it be floating near his head like homer simpson with potato chips yep would you be trying to eat your own thing and then especially if you did it in outside the ship if you did it in outer space uh would you continue would you would it go so far away that you'd keep floating and you'd start thinking those are beautiful stars in the distance and you'd reach out and you'd be touching your own cum a lot? I mean, there could be a lot of cum touching out there when you blow.

That'd be the most powerful load ever blown by a man if you could actually ejaculate directly into the zero-gravity, empty vacuum of space. Because I want to say that those objects up there are moving like 18 000 miles per hour or something like that sounds right a black science man tweeted about yeah he explained this to me nobody's ever asked him the the the jizz question the space jizz question i'm pretty well i got a further one i got another one might blow all of our minds

this is a theory that's just now developing so bear with me but what if since we don't really know how these far out stars we've never been to them we've never visited them what if there are no stars in the atmosphere in the universe everything that we think is stars that eventually burn out is just come that was exploded into the universe and we see it as stars because it expands as the universe expands it's gotten bigger and bigger when they burn out it just dissipates eventually into the universe and that's what we're seeing we look up at the night sky is just a bunch of gods come so i like this because it's like and you can even see with the different galaxies you know how like you'll have an off day with coming where it's like watery and weak of course you know there's shitty, watery galaxies and then you get big, thick,

Milky Way galaxies. Maybe you can't beat it off for a bit. You can see the variation in God's loads throughout the cosmos. That's what the Lord teaches us. I feel like if your cum is a light source that you can see from light years away... This isn't your cum. This is God's cum. See a doctor, guys.

Mine's not a light source. You radioactive crazy people. Oh, I remember we lied to this kid in middle school at our lunch table, and we told him, like, we were talking about jacking off, as you do when you're 13, and he developed a little slower than the rest of us, and was, like, just then getting to the point of ejaculation, maybe 13 or 14. And we, like, decided before he sat down one day, we're like, we're going to bring up the question of, like color is yours and we're all gonna agree light blue

and we were like is everybody on the same page we're all gonna agree it's light not like really blue don't blow it light blue and like we got down and like got him to talk about he's like i don't know like clear or white i guess and we're like dude are you serious stop fucking around like stop it's light blue everybody is light blue isn't it and you're like, dude, are you serious? Stop fucking around. Like, stop. It's light blue. Everybody, it's light blue, isn't it? And you're like, yeah, it's light blue. I mean, that's where the... He went to the doctor. He went to a doctor

and then was dumb enough to come back to us, like, two weeks later and be like, hey, I went to a doctor and he says that having white sperm is totally normal, and we're like, why would you tell us this? We've got six more years of school together, motherfucker. And this is coming every day for you.

But I can't believe I forgot about that. That's why they call it Baby Blue. Baby Blue. Taylor, I had the opposite story. I was at a sleepover. It was at my house, actually. And there was me and two other dudes. One guy had hit puberty before the other two.

And he was describing ejaculation. He's like, you know how it kind of like jumps at the end? And both of us were honestly having like never ejaculated. We're like, what? No. Weirdo. And he was the normal one. But we both convinced him he was weird also because we were.

What do you mean a jump? What do you mean it? What does jumps at the end even mean? You know, like that last spurt of cum where your dick kind of goes like... It was spurts. Each pulse, right? It comes in pulses. Each pulse. I've seen enough porn to know that this is normal.

And yeah, you can't fool me. I'm 45 at this point. I've got two kids. It works. You no it's not normally you see in porn is those guys who's like dick hole is like on top of their dick head what the fuck is up with that oh or like on the bottom of it like where you'll be like watching something and then you'll see the cum and you're like that just went straight that was a 90 degree angle straight down yeah What happened? Like bad circumcisions, you think? Maybe just a fucked-up urethra. You know those urethras where it looks like someone stuck a glass tube?

That's called sounding, Ben. We're very into sound. They call this the sounding podcast. Oh, so sounding is when you insert any object, really, into the head of your penis, into your urethra. This is something that some men are quite into. It's a whole fetish, and it's often associated with sort of a submissive role for the man, where

the lady is like, ooh, yeah, now I'm gonna stick my long Lee nail into the head of your cock, whether you like it or not. What's a Lee nail? Like a press-on nail? It's not a Lee press-on nail. You're not even doing permanent nails. It might get dislodged in there. Exactly. That's the feeling.

No. It adds to the humiliation if it's a poor quality nail. Exactly. Yep. Uh-huh. Some of those shenanay nails. I'm giving this two thumbs down. Shenanay nails. Jesus Christ.

A DMV nail. Yeah. I can't believe you can put anything in there that's any wider than like a- A pair of tweezers? Than a key. Yeah, like a very thin- Like a stream of urine. Yeah, like a toothpick or a like a stream of urine like a toothpick or something a stream of urine width

that's one of my biggest I'm into a lot of stuff a lot of stuff like sexually I'm into it that's one thing where I'm just like absolutely fucking not first of all I can't imagine getting pleasure from that it's just not going to happen.

And second of all, like, what if something goes wrong? What if there's, you cut me in there and it gets infected and I have to go to the doctor and there's pus coming out of my fucking dick hole? I have seen crazy objects inserted. I saw an entire, you know, like the plastic fork you get at any fast food restaurant. I've seen this. Handle first into that motherfucker. And he didn't just put the tip in these guys aren't going like a millimeter in you know like oh i did it i guess i'm done right no they're going for broke they're

sticking it in there till it hurts dude my rule of thumb is like if my fetish would be wouldn't be allowed in guantanamo, then it's probably not okay. Like, you know, if someone like Gard at Guantanamo Bay walked in and was like, oh, what are you doing? Jesus, just waterboard him. Oh, I'm going to vomit, Ted. This is just, I'm writing you up.

Come on, Hawk. Come on, Hawk. We're getting out of here. Mahmood, I am so sorry. Or on the flip side, like they have to force feed some of the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. What if they're like,

it's time again to get the fork down your dick? No, I will eat. I will eat right away. I promise. Forget the jihad. The jihad is off. When at least I'm more free. I'll wear an Israel shirt and America shorts.

Just please give me food. Jesus. Welcome to the show, Ben. Yeah, thanks for coming on, Ben. My pleasure. My pleasure. If you couldn't notice from our inane conversation, we're all trying out to be on your idiot test show on the Game Show Network.

I watched a little bit of it and you seem to be in a fun place where you get to make fun of dumb people and then say whatever you want and then just go, hey, but what do I know? I'm stupid too, right? And everybody's like, ah, he's also humble. He's not being a bully. And it's like, no, he's bullying these people.

Basically, it's hilarious. I love it. It is really fun to do. I get to just literally become the authority on if people are stupid or not. I get to castigate them for their mistakes. They're under pressure. They're in front of TV lights. A lot of people would crumble in that situation, but I

act as though it's a regular conversation. They're just dumbasses. I make fun of them. I hammer them hard, and then I say, I'm going over here and go to the other side of the stage and make fun of other people. It's a dream job. It's a dream job. The whole time you're dressed up nice,

pretending to be hosting the Price is Right or something. Yes. Who's the dumbest person or pair of people you ever came across? To where it almost baffled you. You fucking retard. There were these two dudes that were these really lethargic Persian dudes dudes that were literally they were like hey bro and they're really came in real cocky they were like bro we're going to take this game bro we're going

to kill you bro and they got every question wrong i mean embarrassingly wrong missed things didn't touch things time's running out and i'm like what happened to all the confidence they're like bro it's okay we're going to come back bro. And just straight shot out through the whole game. That was embarrassing for them and their people, probably. They probably got hate mail from their own country of origin, possibly. All of what used to be Persia was pissed. Mesopotamia was very upset. All of the Fertile Crescent was upset by that showing. From theigris to

the euphrates you watch those shows and like like i watch i like i like jeopardy and like i don't know maybe every sixth i don't exaggerate sixth or seventh question on jeopardy i'm like aha i know that answer and but but i wonder like what's the pressure like like like do you just fold under that pressure like even in an easy game show like like like price is is Right or something like that where you just got to come up with something. I see people like – everybody's like $4.18, $5.20, and then one asshole is like $72? It just looks like a – I wonder if that would be me. I wonder if you just fold under that pressure with that studio audience and the cameras and fucking – Well, it would be even harder on an easy show, I think.

So if you're on, like, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader or something, it's like, I gotta get this right or I'll look stone-cold retarded. Yeah, the embarrassment factor shoots right up. I have to know who the third president of the United States is. Like, I have to know that. But if it's like, who wants to be a millionaire?

And they ask you, you know, which of the following three are all Tsar Nicholas's children from the early 1900s? Which of the following three are Tsar Nicholas II's children? It's like, if I don't get this right, nobody else here is like, idiot! We knew who it was! Like, they're not going to judge you. Whereas, I think the easier it gets on TV, ironically, the harder it gets.

Truth. That's why with our show Idiot Test, especially the questioning harder as the show goes, but the early rounds, they're very easy but there's a little trick so we kind of make it that often the contestant won't get it or won't see it and then it's just perfect fertile ground for me to make them feel like very very small unaccomplished people because they really should have gotten it and you know i never wanted to be a game show host because i always you know saw game show hosting as a little bit of a cheesy activity for a career. You know, that old blues travel lyric or no, that old sting lyric.

They all look like game show host to me. I'm like, I don't want to be a career that's made fun of as like a schlocky used car salesman kind of thing. So I agreed to host it only if I could do it my way, which was, like, for the first season, they hired, before we started in the first few episodes, they hired a game show hosting coach that was trying to get me to smile and be real cheerful. Ben, are you ready for your first day of training? Yeah. I'm going to hear a little out of that, Ben.

Okay. Exactly like that. He was, like, back to behind the camera going, like, smile, smile. And I literally would go like this. And I just refused i agreed to host it only if i could do it my inspiration for hosting it was a combination of simon cowell and that old mean british lady from the weakest weakest link yes yeah i wanted to have people yeah people had to come to my gauntlet and i don't

smile hardly ever on the show if i laugh or, it's because they really earned it, and they genuinely said something that was funny or clever. If not, go fuck yourself. I'm going to go over here, another side of the stage. I'd like to fuck that old lady from The Weakest Link. You would? Yeah, I think she needs it. I feel like that's the problem. So you're not attracted to her.

You're just offering her a pity fuck. It's a service. No, it's one of those weird attractions to women with short hair and a business suit. The same reason I'm attracted to Rachel Maddow, I guess, who's not that pretty. And Hillary Clinton. You know she's gay, right? Young Hillary Clinton. Actually, you fixed that.

Don't even go there. No. Young Hillary Clinton is good enough. Good enough. Although we heard that expose from Bill's ex-girlfriend about how horrible her hygiene was, so I bet that pussy was just a swamp of doom and despair. So maybe not, young Hillary. Tell me more.

Well, you remember in The Princess Bride, when they go into the swamps with the giant rats, like the R.O.U.S.s, there's rodents there. I bet her pussy smells like a combination of ice road truckers and the deadliest catch. Just horrific. Terrible. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near Hillary Clinton's snatch.

I don't know about you. We were talking about Rachel Maddow and that old bitch who was making fun of people. You're all the weakest link. Goodbye. I thought she was gay too. The problem though with the thing that would concern me about making love to a woman making fun of people who... You are the weakest link, good boy. You are the weakest link. I thought she was gay, too. Who cares? The problem, though, with...

The thing that would concern me about making love to a woman that's as old as that weakest link lady is just the brittleness of the bones. There's got to be osteoporosis happening there unless they're chugging Boniva, and you're going to have a woman who might be enjoying it for a second, but then all of a sudden she shatters on top of you.

That's okay. You don't want to like that. Oh, like glass bones. Like if you were Sharon Stone in the last ten years. Jesus Christ. She's still a good lay. How old is she? Sharon Stone's hot.

You can hear her hips move, I've heard. I have inside info. You guys can collect them. Like that joint in your pelvis? The cartilage is worn out? Exactly. I wouldn't make this up right now. Yeah, I love that scene in Basic Instinct. Did you guys ever have like a VHS when you were younger that had that one nude scene that you had to like rewind and play over and over to masturbate? Mm-hmm.

What was yours? 100%. Popeye. Well, I'll tell you one of the most embarrassing stories of my life was exactly that. Well, I'll tell you one of the most embarrassing stories of my life was exactly that. That anecdote was I was a freshman in college, and I brought some of my favorite VHSs up with me to freshman year, fall quarter, living in the dorms. And all my friends one day were like, let's watch a movie. And I'm like, I have one Harry Met Sally on VHS.

And they're like, okay, great, bring that. And we go and watch Harry Met Sally in somebody's room, room like eight ten of us all my brand new friends you're at college trying to act cool for the first few weeks and the orgasm scene in carnegie deli comes up where meg ryan fakes the orgasm and right as the scene starts the tape gets kind of fuzzy and wobbly and then right when the scene ends the tape gets fuzzy and wobbly again. And my friend Jill goes, Ben, why is the tape worn out on both sides of that scene? I had National Lampoon's Vacation, the original where they're going to Wally World. And there's a scene where they stay at the motel where Beverly D'Angelo is naked in the shower.

And Chevy Chase comes in and scares her. And it's this big scare. And she's like, woo! And just titty. She had an amazing ride. I remember that. Not Christy Brinkley in the pool. That was pretty great.

That was okay, but no. It was Beverly D'Angelo. I was much more, I was more attracted to Beverly D'Angelo than I was Christy Brinkley. Because Christy Brinkley seems almost like unattainable, some sort of nomadic supermodel in a ferrari right like that's going to be hard to get and hold down beverly angelo especially if you're 16 at the time

right just got my own driver's license i need a ride i feel you for sure i'm beverly d'angelo over christy brinkley but i'm gonna go different scenes i think christy brinkley's hottest moment the movie was naked in the pool. It was when she was just seducing Chevy Chase in the car next to him. Her faces were amazing. And then Beverly D'Angelo's best moment in that series. Please stop doing that face. That's not for anybody.

Why would you act that out for us? I was about to start showing you my thighs. Okay, great. That's a key feature to our show. Kyle's thighs. And then in European Vacation, when she did that sexy dance in the hotel room bathroom with the towels, she's like, and he filmed her, and that's what ended up being on the billboards. That, I was like, what is happening here? Forming my sexuality bit by little bit.

I want to say there's also a scene, I masturbated to this scene as well in European Vacation, where Bud, Clark's son, has this German... I want to say there's also a scene, I masturbated to this scene as well in European Vacation, where Bud, Clark's son, has this German... That better go somewhere. This better go somewhere. He's got the German slut somewhere. It's like Oktoberfest or something, and they've got the crazy cleaves, and he's got her titties out somewhere. There's a good bit of nudity in those movies.

That's fucking top-tier comedy. They don't make movies like that anymore. That is true. Very funny stuff. I also wish they would create a WALL-E world. I'd like to have a real WALL-E world. As long as John Candy is. As long as John Candy is. I mean, that might

be fun for about as long as Six Flags would be fun, right? Then you'd be like, this is just Six Flags. Well, yeah, that's true. Okay. I changed my mind. Six Flags is always fun. You're right. Yeah, why do you hate Six Flags would be fun, right? Then you'd be like, this is just Six Flags. Well, yeah, that's true. Okay, I changed my mind. Six Flags is always fun. You're right. Yeah, why do you hate Six Flags so much? Yeah, what's wrong with you?

I've never been more wrong. I apologize. It's okay. It's okay. No problem. Yeah, we've got the hardcore rides at my Six Flags. This is where that kid lost his head. No, that's where that chick lost both of her feet, right?

When she was on the superman ride and it fell down and that cable snapped and it took both her feet off different incident mine is where a gentleman's riding batman batman was fairly new at the time it's cool right his hat flies off must have been a real nice hat because he jumps the safety fence once he's off the ride. So many do not enter signs there. Goes in there to get it. And he's like, hey, what's that noise? Oh, it's the, and the roller coaster comes over him. Of course, your feet dangle beneath this ride. Chick kicks him in the head. Head comes off. Her leg comes off. And that's that. Kicked his fucking head off. That's the most powerful head kick. Forget fucking John Jones.

Forget anything you've ever seen in mixed martial arts. A 27-year-old white chick kicked a guy in the head so hard in Atlanta, Georgia one morning that his head flew off. Did we have a ride in Ocean City? And it was called the Mouse at Gillian's or something like that. Anyway, this roller coaster sucked. As a matter of fact, it was probably portable, even though it was there all the time.

People died every year. It doesn't make it good. Every year on the same ride? Dying is a stretch. There were major injuries every year, sometimes a death. Whoa! Was the ride so great that it was worth keeping? There's just low safety standards on this ride.

Welcome to the 90s. You can't get rid of things just because they're a little dangerous. Kyle, your example, like the girl ran and they're getting their feet chopped off. That's a problem with the roller coaster. Your problem was a problem with some retard who jumped the fence and cost some poor girl her leg and also gracefully didn't pass on his jeans. Like, that's what that was. Like, you can't get rid of things just because they kill a few people like then we wouldn't have slip and slides and we all remember how fun slip and slides

were right where they would always say don't slide down face first you're gonna paralyze yourself and it's like you're not gonna you're not gonna make me not do it the boss of me you know you like we would take like three and put them all together on like a giant hill and see how fast you can get going and you'd have like two or three people stand at the bottom to dodge. Did you guys do that? Honestly, I hate to top your story, we had a mega one that my dad had built at my great-grandmother's house. She lived next to the river.

And there was a mega slip-and-slide. It wasn't slip-and-slide material, though. They had like this plastic tarp that was like maybe eight feet wide and it was staked down all the way with like tent spikes so you wouldn't impale yourself. And it was like maybe eight feet wide and it was staked down all the way with like tent spikes so you wouldn't impale yourself and it was like in a trough in the in the dirt leg open and getting yeah you need to go to the er yeah no we gotta use the iron ones keep it down yeah we just

put bowie knives on the side and and they would take like dish like like dish soap like like the big you know squeeze bottle put it on there and then turn a water on top, and it would slide all the way down into the river. And at the bottom, you had a little bit of a lip, so you'd get a little air, and then whee! And the fish would blow bubbles. Wow, fuck the fish. I guess so. That does sound awesome, though. That sounds great.

I'm sorry I've been a little quiet during the slip-inside part of it. When I was a kid, my sister died on a slip-inside. Oh, well, rest in peace did she do it wrong did she do it in a funny way no i'm just kidding i never had a sister yeah i figured well not since the accident it's a good point if my if my sister or brother or someone died on a slip and slide like like the name slip and slide how are you supposed to make that tragic it's like well i lost my lost my brother when i was i was nine how do you how'd he go slip and slide she she slipped and then she slid yeah she slipped and she slid too quickly who could

have anticipated it with only 150 yards of-sheened plastic between her and a wall. Probably, in your little slip and slide into the river example, what would have been probably the world's worst way to go, like the highest fun childish high into low, is you slip down the super slip and slide into a river, and an alligator comes right up at the bottom and grabs you in. I'd be fine with that, because you shouldn't fuck with animals. We have a hard stance on this show about if you're fucking with wild animals

and you're killed, you deserve it. And that wild animal deserves a meal. They didn't know they were fucking with animals. They should have known better. They should have known there were alligators in that lake. You go into their domain. Man, the water's looking a little scaly as you're flying down there

towards it when he's supposed to stand out. You don't do that in places like Florida where there are alligators. Do most lakes look like washing machines? Yeah. It's just a lot of thrashing. That would be the craziest part, though. Not if they came up at the very end of the alligator and got her. But what if the alligator all of a sudden came up just halfway through your long, long slide, and you

see jaws open, but you just can't stop yourself. You're scratching down the slide, you just can't stop yourself. Right into the mouth. Very quickly becoming religious. Yeah. Trying to choose the right god. Yeah, I'd do like a

catch-all with that. Like, I'm not sure who's right, but I believe in all of you at this moment. That's a strong move. Yeah, and then afterward be like, nah. I think we've all been there before. We've talked about this. You know, no atheists and foxholes, etc. etc. You know, some rough stuff

starts happening. You're like, if you're up there, this would be the time to show it. Nope. I don't think so. Yet again, no evidence. Damn it. It seems like, though, there would be no atheists in foxholes, and then after being in a foxhole for a while,

you'd be like, this fucking prick God isn't helping at all. Like, I'm done with you. Like, no way. It's just a hard conundrum all around, because there's no atheists in a foxhole because you wish there was something better, but also the scenario you're in is so fucked up that

what God would create that scenario. So you're just sitting there, maybe in your last moments you're just very existentially confused. That's probably what a lot of it is. Just a lot of existential confusion, fear, pissing and shitting. Doesn't sound very dignified.

It's part of a bigger plan, though, right? That's what you gotta believe. Like, every one of those nine-year-olds that gets leukemia, probably a Pol Pot or a Hitler. Everyone. They're all potentially gonna recreate the Cambodian genocide, in your mind. Perhaps, yeah.

There'd be those big walls of the skulls, you've seen them. Oh, that's what little Stacey was up to. That's where she was heading. It seemed like there's a better way to avoid that, right? Like maybe just not make evil people? Why wouldn't they just like, why wouldn't God just have them? Why give them leukemia? Hang on, I like where Woody's going here.

How do we do that? We're God in this scenario, right? Oh. You're saying God's plan is to birth millions of hitlers and then kill them at nine via leukemia well he wants you to know he could do it or also maybe it's just so satisfying for god to kill living hitlers that that's what powers the whole universe right what hobbies would you have if you were god maybe just killing it repeatedly as you think yeah that was playing a video game with cheat codes on.

Like if you just killed Hitler when he was nine. He didn't have any power. If you're God and you're trying to have some fun killing bad guys, you've got to let them come to fruition. You've got to let them do some bad stuff and then take them out, right? Otherwise, you're just playing on easy mode, and you're just going to kill too easy for God. Nine-year--old hitler was still a dick though you know he was pushing kids off slides and shit he may have been i bet he was probably an awkward kid it was really into art

got turned down from his school and was like you know what someone's gotta pay i i mean let's say you got a time machine you can You can go back and deal with Hitler, but you can't kill him. You can't kill him. You've got to soften his heart, as the Lord may. I think what you want to do is send Jeff Goldblum back. Send Jeff Goldblum back. Let him be an influence on young Hitler. Okay.

A hilarious Jewish man, beloved by all. The Jews. Yeah, yeah. Get him in there as that influence. I think, I mean, Hitler's clearly an incredibly magnetic figure, right? He stirred that country up from ruin and nearly conquered the whole world. Imagine if all of that charisma and energy had been directed in a positive area, right? No, what you'd want to do is send back, like, Norm MacDonald instead, because then he'd be like,

well, you know, Hitler, you could just apply to another school. And then he'd be like, yes, that makes sense. Yeah, I'll just apply to another... You're right, Norm. He's like, yeah, I know I'm right. You know, it goes pretty poorly if you don't, if I'm being frank. That's like the old know i'm right all right you know it goes pretty poorly if you don't if i'm being frank that's like the old norm mcdonald joke he goes you ever hear about those uh people that uh just all of a sudden snap and uh chop up their whole family and uh kill them but put them in the uh a duffel bag there and they say it's because the devil told them to do it

how often that time do you think the person kills their whole family chop them up put them a duffel bag go back to the devil like here you go old thorny leader of the underworld here's my family a duffel bag here and then devil pulls out a mask hey it's me steve oh that's a great one there steve i got got my whole got my whole family in a in a bag here it's a great one it It's a good one. Dude, Norm is my favorite comedian right now. He's hilarious. He was in some hot water for defending, saying Rosie and Louie aren't that bad, which I agree. They shouldn't be treated like they're fucking rapists or some shit.

And his apology. Everybody was like, he's got to apologize. And he was in his interview. everybody was like you know he's got to apologize and he was in his like interview he was like say what do you apologize he said about two hundred dollars so basically he said uh you know you know i'm good friends with louis and and rosanne and i don't think they you know they're getting way more than they deserve like basically like he his his big sin was not like roundly condemning and lashing them. He went too easy, they thought. So he has to apologize for not going hard enough. Now, are you excusing this behavior, Norm?

And so then he said – So what Norm MacDonald said, I just want to lay it out. He said that refund their tickets, give them $200, they'll be fine. And people were like, oh my god, $200 for all the emotional abuse I had? And go on. Yeah, that was one of the things. He also said that, I love Norma Dunham, but he also said that he's glad the Me Too movement is slowing down.

He thinks that none of the victims of these things had their whole careers and lives taken away from them in one instance, like Louis and Roseanne did. That's true. That's fair. And they're both good friends, and he encouraged them to talk to each other. Yeah. Yeah, I thought what he said was pretty reasonable,

which is kind of like, hey, this whole Me Too thing has become a bit politicized, and it's kind of jeopardizing the actual desire of true victims to come forward, because they go, oh, people are going to assume I'm trying to get ahead or something, which is not what you want with sexual assault victims. You want them to feel comfortable coming forward. norm you know he was giving his apology interview with

someone and they're like so you said you know that you didn't you didn't feel bad for these people who were harassed by louis or like the people who took offense at roseanne's tweet which you know as if those are vaguely comparable and he's like oh no that's that's not true at all i think you'd have to have down syndrome not to feel bad for people who are sexually harassed and so now he's in trouble for saying that you'd have to have down syndrome to not have empathy for people it's like a whole group of people love norm like he he goes in does his whole i don't know exactly what i'm saying but i'm just going with what i do you gotta have down syndrome not to feel bad for those it's like god norm i if they cancel his netflix show i'm canceling my subscription i swear to god i

fucking love that dude it's like a whole group of like snowflakes just discovered norm mcdonald because because he's a fucking he hasn't changed a bit since like the fucking 80s he like like when he was ripping oj he's about 75 pounds yeah that's the big difference yeah now he's a hood is now legal in california you know yeah and you gotta you gotta hand it to him for his willingness to always still riff but that particular joke is also just like not accurate just because people with down syndrome are known for their empathy they like feel bad about everything yeah but they don't like it yeah if you said like i was sexually, they'd be like, I bet.

Yeah, they feel bad if you broke your blue crayon. All right? They're not big thinkers from what I understand. Let's be real. Blue crayon is very important to them. We've had all those wonderful leaders. Especially if it's Indigo. You only get one.

These are facts. I like Ben's point of view on this. You have to really consider the Down Syndrome empathy point. Let me do a quick ad read here, and then I want to hear about that fan who told you that your joke might have you end up with a bullet in your head. Indeed. This episode of PK is brought to you by Monster Energy's delicious new espresso drink. Would you need an extra burst of energy but don't have time to wait in line, grab Espresso Monster.

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I guess you were doing some jokes about Donald Trump, and I watched the jokes. They weren't inflammatory. They weren't harsh or extreme or anything like that. You were making kind of a Donald the Duck reference and doing an impression of Donald Duck, which is pretty damn good, if I might say so. And I guess someone in the crowd's yelling out,

don't make fun of Donald! So, you know, you did what you do and made fun of him. Are you sure they meant Trump and not Duck? I'm pretty sure. Don't make fun of the Donald was the phrase she used. Oh, okay. Yeah. And after the show, what happened?

So after the show, I do a meet and and greet a free meet and greet like i do after every single show that i do on my stand-up tour and um and i'm selling merchandise as well and a trump supporter came up to me and said i was enjoying your act until you mentioned the president and let me just tell you you better not talk about the president around here anymore, or you're going to get a bullet in the back of your head. And where was this? In Rosemont, Illinois, right outside of Chicago. Okay. And I was pretty stunned to hear that,

because every comedian in the history of time has always made fun of the president. And it's sort of a big part of the tradition of comedy is to hold leaders to account, speak truth to power, to question authority, to question our institutions, to question the power structures and the way things are currently being handled in the country. And I am no Trump fan, but I made fun of Obama, too. And he was in office even when I supported him a lot more. Of course, from my perspective, he was a much better president.

But I make fun of everybody. And I think at the very least, even to a Trump supporter, you should be able to realize the guy gives you fodder for jokes. I mean, that's just pretty plain as day. Pretty obvious. If you weren't making jokes about the president, the guy is literally the Don Rickles of presidents, and he's just talking the shit to people every day. And you can't take a little shit talk back. It's pretty insane.

So I'd never experienced somebody threatening my life. What did you say? Did you just walk away? No, I was still there. You still got to sell merch, Taylor. That's right. There's T-shirts and CDs here. I'd be like, all right, so you don't want a shirt.

Okay. He asked if I just said to him, I said to him, excuse me, he goes, a lot of people around here care. You're going to end up with a bullet in the back of your head. I'm just telling you, man. And I go, well, if that's what has to happen, so be it. I'm not going to stop. Speaking truth to power, that's what I do.

And honestly, this will probably encourage me to do it more. So have a good day and he just like shook his head and walked off in a little bit was a little bit of you like if I were the comedian that got assassinated for making fun of the president I would be the the cool like you know the blue and red Obama picture that that guy made that's so famous. They would have your face up there and all the marches where you kind of, like, did that, like, cursorily, like, go through your brain? Like, I'll be the face of the movement. I will never die.

I don't know if you're familiar with how death works, but you're dead at the end of it. You live on in a pretty neat way i mean the idiot the idiot when they say you live on you don't live on you die people can keep talking about you everybody's like you live on forever i always care about my legacy i don't give a shit about my legacy i'm gonna be dead i hope i inspire people to do good shit but it's not because they're gonna think i did a good thing i want to do good shit when I'm here. Hopefully it lasts, but something to do with me at that point. You'd be on t-shirts though, right? I mean, the idiot test is

going to be on cable for another decade or so, but you could be on posters and t-shirts and buttons 30 years from now. Oh, you'll be a face of every sports stadium for every team. They'll have Ben Glebe night

where they give a little pin of your face and they say remember Ben's bravery speaking truth to power you know what I can't hashtag Ben Glebe you've convinced me it's worth being assassinated I think you're right

I knew I was right I didn't see it from that perspective until you mentioned pins. I always wanted pins. It was the T-shirt that sold me. Now it sounds pretty. Yeah, yeah. Now it's appealing.

There could be a lot of merch that I won't make any money on because, again, I'm dead. But, hey, it's fun to be a dead icon. Let's do that shit. Yeah. You could make your own, like, Make America Glebe Again. Like a pun on glib. Like, be funny. Be jokey.

I'm going to sell merchandise that has to do with you when you are assassinated oh thank you so much and then let me just now clarify in case there are some people that make some weird legal argument because I sarcastically said I am down for being killed, I'm joking, don't kill me let me just make that a little bit clearer

or he'll sue you or I will sue you my pin money will go right into lawyer the glebe foundation that's right the pin foundation for what would it be what would if you like could set up your own thing for after you died what would the ben glebe foundation do like what would their goal be i think it would do it would two different foundations. One would just be to help kids with speech problems. I had one as a kid. Then also I would do one just to

make sure people don't ever infringe on people's right to free speech and that they are reminded that the whole point of the country is us being free. That's the very basis of America is our freedom of speech, our freedom of the press. That's the thing that bothers me the most. Right to bear arms.

Yeah, absolutely. I wasn't sure if you'd light up. I was just checking. Oh, no. I believe very much in the Second Amendment. I don't think that means you can't have common sense regulations so crazy people and criminals don't get guns, but I absolutely think we should have the right to bear arms. I'm considering getting a gun myself, especially after recent events. Nice.

And I go shooting guns sometimes but um i certainly think that that you can't have one freedom not the other and you can't pick and choose when you have those freedoms so i would have my foundation support the support all of our freedoms arms speech assembly press a constitutionalist. That's right. Yep. I like those two. I like the, obviously, no holds barred freedom of speech thing. But I also like the speech impediment thing. Is that what you said it was? Like a speech impediment kind of foundation?

So you dealt with one of those as a kid? I did. I had a severe stutter and beyond that a disfluency where I couldn't even, my vocal cords would lock up and I couldn't even like say hi to a friend walking by in the hallway. Had to tell every teacher not call on me ever. And unless I raised my hand, maybe I felt like there was a moment I could talk. And it lasted from age like three or four all the way until about 22. It got better in college. 18 to 22 was a lot better. But it was on and off throughout my life.

Each year there'd be times when I'd be more comfortable and confident. Times when I would get it in my head and i would get my another lockdown i couldn't talk all the way till i pretty much graduated college and then i i had a show in college a tv show that would even like stutter on the air and stumble and kind of work through it and i'd like touch my eye to clear gaps in my speech and it was weird quirks you develop when you have weird shit like that and and then i uh spoke at my college graduation i wrote this cool speech and i was asked to speak at it in front of 7 000 people and somehow that speech was perfectly delivered and the problem just melted away from that point and it never

came back um and then i started this career on camera you know doing stand-up across the world and doing TV appearances. And I ended up being on Chelsea Lately for seven years with Chelsea Handler. And it only came back one time during an episode of Chelsea Lately live on television. Did you have speech therapy as a young man? I did on and off throughout my whole childhood. Have you ever seen the movie The King's Speech? I did. I did see that was what could you

relate to that a little bit was that it was so similar yeah it was very similar to what i went through amazing movie colin ford's just fucking strong as shit that's that's yeah really really good movie there was a name for your speech impediment what was it called it was disfluency disfluency is it a psychological thing i guess like always knew for me, in the back of my head, I knew it was psychological. That's why speech therapy didn't work that well for me. I'd always go to therapists, and they would say, they would teach you little weird tricks, like if you put an H sound before certain consonants or letters that you can't say well, it opens your vocal cords.

So instead of saying, Mom, can I go to the store? You go, Mom, can I go to the store you go mom can i go to the store and it just made me sound like a breathy pervert like you don't want to it's just kind of ridiculous and how are you gonna finish that yeah and i just never even tried that shit and i knew that for me it was something that i was seeing off in my brain and one thing that a speech therapist said to me once that it really actually me get over it, start seeing it differently, was she asked me to read a passage and I read it very slowly and struggling. And at the end, she's like, what did you read? What was it about?

And I go, I don't know. I was just trying to be perfect in the way I delivered it. And she goes, oh, that's your problem. It's like you're so concerned about the way you're presenting it and the way you're coming off. You're making it about you and your presentation style. You're not caring about the content of what you're so concerned about the way you're presenting it and the way you're coming off you're making it about you and your presentation style you're not caring about the content of what you're saying you're not caring about actually the words and the message it's not about you it's doesn't matter if you're perfect no one's expecting martin luther king jr given this paragraph you're supposed to be reading just you're just there as a conduit those things hard to realize you're there as a conduit you're just it's speaking in front of people front of people is a service job, exactly like serving fries at McDonald's or working in an office building.

You're just there delivering a needed service. Yours happens to be in front of people on a microphone. So that's the way I started looking at it after that, and it really started to melt all of my nerves away. I can go on a stage in an arena opening for Chelsea Handler or Dane Cook in front of 12,000 people in the round in the NHL or NBA arena or go on TV on the Today Show in front of millions of people live on television. I don't even – my heartbeat doesn't raise one beat a minute. I don't get nervous the slightest bit because I just realize I'm just going up there just to talk to people, communicate and make them laugh, make them smile, deliver a message. It's not about me. People communicate and make them laugh, make them smile, deliver a message. It's not about me.

That kind of sounds like the sort of thing, and maybe I'm just completely wrong here, but maybe a couple of drinks would have even helped just smooth that out. Oh, I'm always drunk on these shows. I'm always very drunk. You sober up tomorrow. You're like, that was a great show. Yeah. Actually, is Kyle right? would a couple drinks help?

I think it definitely means liquid courage in a lot of ways in people's lives so I think it would be a way to get comfortable with being more relaxed in front of people but it's not a habit you want to start when I was getting started in stand up I got the great advice from great comics

like Butch Bradley and Bob Marley not to drink before shows because it becomes a crutch and then you end up being an alcoholic comedian that never goes anywhere so yeah david i've heard david spade talk about that late like having a couple drinks before he goes out and and and the interviewer's like you ever go out drunk he's like i've gone out too drunk before and realized once i was out there that oh no oh. I don't even know where this story is going. Where am I again?

Is this Houston or Atlanta? So, yeah, they could definitely take that too far. Yeah, yeah. I've definitely done it. As a comedian, that you see a lot of your peers fall into that. Like, just from listening to podcasts with comedians on them. And I know you have a podcast where you're a comedian, so there you go. from listening to podcasts with comedians on them and i know you have a podcast where you're a comedian so there you go where you'll watch like your peers be like oh shit they're totally becoming

a drug addict or they're totally becoming an alcoholic like what do you i feel like that's an industry where it happens so much more than the norm because it's like you work at night you're working at clubs places that serve alcohol that will give it to you i assume for free after sets for the time. What do you say to a friend who you notice is going down that path? Do you just let them do their own thing? Yeah, I mean, you see somebody ruining their life and starting to become

dependent on these substances and you just it just fills you with joy because that's one less comet competing against it. I love that answer. That's the reason you put it in the food in the first place. Yeah, you love to against it. I love that answer. That's the reason you put it in the first place. Yeah, you love to see it. It's like, thank God, someone else is not going to be cut out to be

successful. More TV shows for me, more roles for me, and more gigs. When you see them, you're like, it's so sad, but then in your heart it fills you with a warmth like the holidays. It makes sense. No, it's horrible.

I mean, I haven't personally witnessed so many people that have really gone to a very bad place with it. I, of course, have heard stories. I've never been particularly super close with comics that have ruined their life. But I've definitely had friends that were drinking too much or doing drugs too much. And I'll just talk with them. And I'll be be like this is not a good look you seem like an idiot when you're doing your sets really bad like dude that set was just kind of incoherent you didn't deliver what you needed to deliver you gotta you gotta slow your roll on that shit i mean i even had a a podcast i went on owen benjamin's old podcast with Skylar Stone he and I had a big falling out for a while

because he did some shit to me that wasn't the coolest and it was largely due to substances I tried my best to explain that that's not a way to live and to encourage them to stop but at some point you can't really be somebody's keeper either

he's all good now he figured the shit out your podcast is last week on earth right yeah on the smodcast network kevin smith's network um been doing it for seven years i call it last week on earth because i cover everything that happened during the last week news politics pop culture weird stories and also because the world's probably ending so those two reasons um yeah and i do it solo a lot of weeks and then some weeks i have uh big celebrity guests like brian cranston or bob odenkirk or aisha tyler or megan mccain or blake griffin or moby or all kinds of different people come on the podcast that's really amazing adam divine chris delia but also like political

figures like general wesley clark and wow that and Senator Frank Laudenberg, late senator and cameos I've had even from like Nancy Pelosi and from Sam Donaldson and all these cool people. So it's been a lot of fun. Hillary Rosen, the political pundit. So I like to have discussions with people about just the issues of the week and of the day. But I also love to do solo episodes where I just kind of go off on my take on the world and my parents sometimes do too. That's a lot of high-profile guests.

Are Meghan McCain's tits as big in person? I think what you see on TV is probably what you get. Oh, I thought she was like sitting there, well yeah, we hit hard with our journalistic integrity because they look enormous on TV. Well, yeah, we hit hard with our journalistic integrity, because they look enormous on TV. It's like,

Jesus. I mean, I don't have any personal comment on that, but I can just tell you I don't think they're probably enhancing things through television magic. I think someone looks at how they look. Good God! Wowzers. Are you Googling things right now?

Maybe. Those are some freedom-loving cans right there. Oh, I'm more proud to be an American now. That is impressive. More important, she's a lovely human being, and her speech at her dad's funeral was pretty amazing. Did you guys see that? I didn't.

I watched it, but I didn't hear a word of it. I was just locked on to those cans i i'm sure it was it was pleasant it was pretty great she was talking a lot of shit to donald trump yeah she was tearful she started crying and that's my fetish so i really oh my god and she said and she and she said that that america doesn't need to be great again. It's always been great. I thought that was a pretty good line. Eh. It could always get better, though, right? That's true.

We can be even greater. Yeah. More perfect union, no doubt. This woman has 90% of her weight gain in her boobs. Yeah, baby. That's what I like. That's got to be like a fortunate thing. That's like if you were a man and you just lucked out genetically

and it's like, yeah, I gain all my weight in my buys and tries. I just look yoked all the time. I'm still vascular. I don't know how it works. That would be the best place to gain weight as a man.

I gain weight like thighs. That would be the second best place to gain weight as a man. Oh weight like thighs that'd be the second best place to gain weight as a man oh like cock weight okay i see where i i saw where you were taking this train but then you might get like uh have you ever seen those i know on this show we've watched it where uh the guys it's not fat but they inject their penis with like some kind of silicone uh synthol thing that makes their... It's either the thing they put in their penis or the thing that they inject in their arms. Maybe it's the same.

But they'll inject that in and they get addicted to it to the point that their dick just looks like a lonely sock that you poured sand into. They're not even filling up cock anymore. They're filling up the foreskin. It doesn't work great. It doesn't work great, and

I regret it. I haven't had any complaints. I look great in sweatpants, though. Believe you me. Oh my god. I don't understand that. There are better options, right? Look at these freaks of nature here that use synthol on themselves. This has got to be some form of... Freaks of science.

It's got to be some form of body dysmorphia or something, right? Just to think that that's a good look like like everybody has their own uh opinions on aesthetics right but but there's a general consensus there's a median ground where everybody's like oh yeah that's the physique that that 90 of men like in a woman or 90 of uh men like in a a or women liking a man and then there's this guy who's like uh you ever see those uh those popeye cartoons where he'd eat the spinach and then his arms would turn into like four battleships that look this is retarded he

has normal forearms that's what i was gonna say is like if you're gonna pump your arms up to over arnold schwarzenegger light levels you better have big forearms you're going to look like a goober like this guy needs a little bit of peck you know like he's it looks like he's wearing an airplane neck pillow like that's what he's done to his traps is he he injected them and you can tell there's no musculature there it's just a pouch of skin barely holding on to synthol is this the philippines why in god's name are all these like so many of these people filipino that do this and also airplane neck pillows themselves are already poorly designed so i don't know why you'd want to emulate it the big problem i realized recently with airplane neck pillows i travel so damn much for stand-up is your seat already sucks

and it barely reclines or i don't even recline it because i want to be able to sleep extra so i i don't recline it so i can sleep from the second i get on the plane all the way till i get to the gate and they can't wake me up for this descending bullshit so you put your neck pillow up and then you have this forward you get this thick four inch deep pillow and i'm sleeping like i'm in like i'm in some kind of a torture device i found if you just sleep on the person next to your shoulder most people are too polite to say no yeah nobody says shit you just lean over you can even like snuggle in a little bit

you know I've found women are more receptive but men they'll do it too interesting I feel like men would be better in a way because you know the shoulders more at the right height well with those women like women you have that subcutaneous fat layer over their whole body

and so you get a nice softer pillow do they start petting you as you're sleeping do they give you a nice comforting some guys do some guys don't ideally but I'm not going to ask I'm not going to be rude on the plane as I'm sleeping on a stranger

you could ask just like under your breath you could ask kind of like please beside me please rub me as I'm sleeping on a stranger. You could ask just like under your breath. You could ask kind of like you're saying like, please massage me. Please rub me. Please massage me. Please rub me. I do a little like sex.

I just respond well to the things I like. You know, give those kind of hints back. If you pretend to be mentally handicapped, you can get away with murder. That's absolutely true. That's literally true. Probably not specific murder. You really can get away with murder too That's absolutely true. That's literally true. Probably not specific murder. You really can get away with murder too?

I didn't mean to. They're like, aw, he learned how to use a knife, though. Didn't cut himself. Win's a win. That's what you might do. I don't know. Are we talking about Down syndrome kids again? We're talking about a retarded person murdering someone

and people at least celebrating the fact he used a knife safely and correctly. He cut himself once? You're real good at finding silver linings in certain situations. I try to be optimistic. What would your foundation be, Taylor? What legacy would

you leave behind once you've accrued your billions and you die alone as you inevitably will, as we all do, just the way it goes. Stick that in the back of your mind. Not everyone dies alone.

You're born alone and you die alone technically. You come into the world on your own and even if you die right next to the person you love, you're still going out on your own. I think that's what that phrase is meant to mean. Even if you kill each other simultaneously? person you love, you're still going out on your own. I think that's what that phrase is meant to mean. Absolutely. Even if you kill each other simultaneously? Well, that's difficult to do. Even if you're holding hands while you jump off the bridge?

Then you both get to go to hell because you're both murderers. And even then you ensure you're in the same circle of hell. Then you go to hell. Suicide, you go to hell. Yeah, but I think that's a special we talking about robin williams level of hell it's a good movie i thought how dare you say that about our beloved robin williams i i mean i loved him in life but and you know he had that crippling illness and depression god god probably doesn't see him as being responsible for his actions quite frankly because of his mental

dilemma this one where no no no i I figured you'd want to take this opportunity to attack Anthony Bourdain. I thought that's where this would end up going. I barely knew him. I mean, I barely knew of him. I recognize his picture, but I don't think I've ever seen his show. I just know that he used to go to Thailand and eat bugs and things.

That's a strong move, though, because they got a lot of bugs there. They do. That's why they eat them. He was going all over the place. That's what I didn't like about his programs or any food programs, where they go to Cambodia, and they're like, oh, this is a wonderful dish here. It's deep-fried grub worms covered in dirt, and it's a delicacy.

Only three times a year is this available. Other than that, they eat mud cookies. He sits there, and he eats with like a stick or something. And he's like, oh, fantastic, wonderful. Can't believe it. You know, Gordon would have something to say about this. Believe you, Misa. Yeah, you can't understand me.

You're four foot three, okay? You know, he's eating his shit. And he has to pretend it's good. It's not good. If they discovered Snickers, if they discovered Milky Way, if they had fried chicken, they would not be eating this trash in these corners of the world and we all know it but if Popeye's in Cambodia nobody's eating slugs anymore is my only point

I mean I have I have two responses to that one is why do you think because somebody is four foot three they can't understand you I don't see the correlation between height and ability to have cognitive understanding I don't think Cambodians speak English. That was more my...

And it's directly related to intelligence. I got a Cambodian-like tribesman. Got it. The height was more to denote the remoteness, the pygmy, like you're in the... They were never able to grow because they never knew tall people were a thing, so they said, well, stay this size. Because they survive on a life of grubs

and mud cookies, apparently. That's what's holding them back. But then part two, I of course never was into the idea of eating bugs. Seems terrible. But I went to this fancy conference recently in Tulum, this fancy beach town in Mexico. It's an old Mayan village

and they had all these amazing fancy buffets every day. And they had at the buffet for lunch one day, two little jars of bugs. Fried bugs. I had them, and they were fantastic. I had two. You enjoyed your bugs?

They were kind of like little crickets, I think. Were they crispy, or were they mushy on the inside? No, they were pretty crispy. Were they salty? What made them good? Yeah, they were a little bit salty, so I guess it might have been largely that. I took just two initially, and I'm like, handful, motherfucker, let's do it. I'm picturing bugs that taste good almost in the way that, to me,

french fries can sometimes be just ketchup shovels, and it's really ketchup that tastes good. Bugs that taste good. Are they just coated with something wonderful, and the bugs taste bad? Yeah, I mean, there must have been some salt in it but all i'm saying is you know it's got protein you know it's got some protein and uh ladies love it ladies like to see you eating a bug it shows you can survive the elements that's true women get wet when they watch you eat bugs nothing like a lot of girls i i'd be spitting game down there in tulum i'd be like what's up and they're, I don't know about you. And then I pop a bug in there, and they're like, damn, boy.

I keep a little cricket hind leg in my teeth, stuck between them, just so they know what's up. They know you're not afraid to go downtown if you've got a cricket leg sticking out of your teeth. It's a tactical cricket leg. What if you were still like, no, that's not my thing, sorry. Oh, that'd be like a double slap in the face, right? See, like,

eating bugs is A-OK, as long as they're dry. Like, the only time it seems gross, even in nature shows, is when they, like, pop a wet grub in their mouth, and you just know it's a... It's like a gusher full of guts. Or a live bug. Yeah, live bugs.

That I couldn't fathom. I don't know how you do that. The thing is squirreling around in your mouth i would die i think i might die just from shock yeah for someone who doesn't know how to start a fire with that wood trick i watch an enormous amount of survival videos and uh the thing that i really am pissed off by all of them at this point is like they'll be like all right we're going in the bush here we're going to find a thorny frog very rare we're going to find it cut it off eat it they go they find it and he comes back and like i'm like all right i'm ready to watch them kill this thorny frog that i'll eat if i'm in the bush in australia you know because i'm totally capable of this i'll cook it over the fire i don't know how to make and they'll be like for two full minutes be like another thing to

remember he is this thorny frog it's not going to hurt the environment nothing's being done wrong here flies fine the environment it's not going to be hurt and this frog right here when we beheaded and fried up it's not going to feel anything you watch right here it's not going to feel it's like just fucking kill it nobody cares nobody fucking cares do you think that anyone would have clicked on a thumbnail of a headless frog if we gave a fuck? No, we don't care. Stop being this fake environmentalist.

When we caught this thorny frog, we checked the area for other thorny frogs. No, you didn't. You liar. That could be the only thorny frog in this area, you bitch. Just cut it up and eat it. That's why I'm watching. They probably had him ready to go, too, because what are the odds you're going to say to the camera, I'm going to go find a thorny frog and then go into the jungle and find that exact thing?

That's some bullshit. They had them in a little cage ready to go. They pop them on camera. I was like when Obama went on Bear Grylls or whatever and they went like fake survival and they ate rattlesnake. They had some prepared rattlesnake. I'm not giving the president of the United States fucking raw, possibly poisonous rattlesnake meats. Or just the president. I'm going to come from behind him. You stay in front.

If he rushes you, stand your ground. Like the Secret Service is over there. No! That's not going to happen. What are you drinking, Ben? Oh, it's just water. Out of a mason jar. I go all mason jars all the time.

That's very cool. It's like you live in a brewery. Yeah, that's exactly the vibe I try to create. I also have bars in every room in my house. It's lucky I'm not one of the alcoholic comedians, to be honest. You really have bars in most rooms in your home. I have a bar right there in the theater. I got a bar right there in the living room.

I got a bar in my little Moroccan ashram speakeasy out back. I got a bar in my kitchen, two bars in my kitchen. I have have about five bars what's your drink yeah i'm a whiskey man mostly i like whiskey whiskey sodas whiskey neat on the rocks but i also do enjoy moscow mules uh no moscow mules dark and stormies i like a lot what kind of whiskey like a mccallan like like something nice or like something yeah like yeah sometimes i'll go with scotch but i generally just go johnny walker black is my favorite and uh and then i also will enjoy whiskey with ginger beer so it's kind of like a whiskey mule yeah it's enjoyable or just a dark spice rum then you go dark and stormy style splash of bitters is the key in both of those drinks so you're not one of those guys who has like 50 bottles of different things with like this much out of each of them, like sampling.

You're like, I know I like Johnny Walker Black. I'm not going to fiddle fuck around like that. Oh, for sure. But I still have bars that are full of every kind of alcohol for my guests. I'm a good host, not just on TV, but in life. I like to entertain motherfuckers. So I have people over my house. They got the full range of options.

And I always set up a full bar. I'll pull one out to the outside table and people rarely even touch it they'll grab beer they'll do a shot i'm like i got everything made for a cocktail here people disappoint me with their laziness when it comes to alcohol but that's on them that is true like i don't know how i don't think i know how to make a single mixed drink that isn't like a moscow mule and even then i don't know the ratios and even i think that's just vodka and ginger beer? Ginger soda? Vodka, ginger beer, and some lime. Okay, and lime. See, I didn't even know how to

make that. So I don't know. Kyle, I know you've been making Bloody Marys. Are you still on that Bloody Mary kick? Yeah, man, I like them. They're fucking tasty. You wake up early in the morning, you're like, ah, I got the shakes. What am I going to have? You don't want straight alcohol, right? They're going to smell that on your breath.

You mix up. You get your mixer. I like to put some food in there. Little cucumbers. Celery. Olives. Little miniature hamburger on top. Whatever you're doing. You can make a whole meal out of that thing. A little hot sauce. A little White Castle. I'm a fucking idiot. It didn't cross my mind

until right now that that's the reason that some alcoholics drink Bloody Marys in the morning is because tomato juice would cover up the alcohol smell right it's delicious and you know it just makes you not die of like it gives you it forces some sustenance in your body other than just

raw alcohol a couple of vitamins in there with the tomato juice to try and keep you keep your tic and keeps the scurvy away I went to a place that had unlimited mimosas, like a brunch place. What's in a, I don't know anything about a mimosa. It's champagne and orange juice. It's fucking delicious. Like champagne is already.

Heartburn incarnate is what that is. Champagne is already so smooth and like low in alcohol that you can, you know, you don't taste it at all. But you mix it with delicious orange juice. And suddenly like, and then again, they're all you can drink. You know, you just pay a delicious orange juice and suddenly like and then again they're all you can drink you know you just pay a flat fee and you're there and you're just like yeah keep them coming keep them where is this all you can drink alcohol all over the place yeah brunch spots give you free mimosas they're different flavors like peach ones and bellinis and grapefruit ones mango ones they just get out. Seriously, are there actually free mimosas

in places? It's not free. It's like you pay $9 and then they'll just keep bringing them out. And I... For our drinking episodes, mimosas would be the worst possible thing. You'll be vomiting up orange juice and feeling terrible. But for a casual drink, if you go out for a brunch

and you say, you know what? Bring me mimosa. That's one that I don't even think you will... You think I'd like that. I don't even think there would be like a casual drink, if you go out for a brunch and you say, you know what? Bring me mimosa. That's one that I don't even think you will. You think I'd like that? I don't even think you would. There would be like, oh, this isn't as good as orange juice. You'll actively like it more. Yeah. This is like carbonated sweet deliciousness.

But it seems like it doesn't get you drunk, right? Oh, you get wasted. No, but only if you're drinking a lot of them. If you have like two or three of those, you're like. Two or three? They're all you can drink, Taylor. But it's brunch! She was getting hammered at 11!

We're staying there until three in the afternoon. There's no limit! Dude, there's no worse feeling than like day drink. I did this at Mardi Gras this year. You're like, all right, we're meeting up at 10 a.m. and then we're going to get trashed. And then like 5 p.m. comes around and you're like, I'm going to die.

I got to go home and then you pass out and wake up at midnight rested sober and just like what a terrible use of time yeah but i also the same token i don't even see the purpose anymore especially it's almost a hard and fast rule for me of getting of drinking if you're not going to get at least a strong buzz if not drunk now you're just getting calories you're wasting you're getting fat for no reason i'm not trying to have like a beer or one cocktail i'm having three minimum otherwise i'm not going in the first place yeah i agree with you because like why have one beer it's like oh yeah i'll drink a sandwich worth of calories for the fuck right right fuck that i want to get my buzz on at the very minimum and i can hold my alcohol

sometimes it takes a while, then the bills rise. Like, I do it, and speaking of drinking on stage, by the way, I used to do a thing that I just retired about two years ago. But every Christmas around the holidays, I would do a show at the Improv where I would teach the audience how to make a proper eggnog. I think there are a few of them on YouTube. And basically, it would just, it would precede me to be,

I would just get plastered drunk on stage, like obscenely drunk and become very violently angry towards the audience, berate them, throw things at them. I would bring lots of props and become prop comics. We've all been there. We've all been there, baby. And they would just end, I'd have different famous comedian guests join me. Ron Jeremy joined me one time and scored it live musically on the piano. Apparently, he's a classically trained pianist. I got so drunk, I forgot to say at the end, that's one hell of a pianist right there.

I mean, real drunk, real drunk. The last one I ever did was my 10th annual. I did for 10 straight years. I had a tin car shaved into my beard. And it ended in a way that you won't forget if you look at it on YouTube at some point. It was fucked up the way it ended in a way that you won't forget if you look at it on youtube at some point it was fucked up uh the way it ended in a almost not tragic but violent way that uh i can't explain weird musical songs this is roughly about the time the elder comedians told you you shouldn't drink

and do comedy together yeah right about then no this was no they told me that about 15 years earlier i ignore it solidly solidly about once a year, or I used to, because I just figured this was my ode to Andy Kaufman. It was my chance to be extreme and weird and do something that didn't make any sense. I was supposed to do a 20-minute set. I would run the light by about 40 minutes. I would do about an hour every time and just wreak havoc, and it was a lot of fun to do.

But I realized at some point, I was getting old and I couldn't really handle it so much anymore. And I was getting real jobs. And I'm like, hmm, maybe I won't keep getting game show host jobs if I'm a complete drunk on stage. So I decided to retire the bit.

I was thinking about that. So you're a comedian, and that's a pretty cool job, right? A job a lot of people would envy and wish they had. But you're just one bad joke away from getting Kramer'd. Yeah. Does that job insecurity, if I use the word right, unsecurity, I don't know, ever bug you? Like, is it the fact that you're a bad joke away from done?

Yeah. Especially you, because you were ranting and raving about the blacks before the show. So I'm sure it's just always on the tip of your tongue, that word. I worry that the women he raped in high school are going to resurface. At a convenient time. Yeah. He could get Roy moored. You guys cut off for the last 20 seconds,

but I do know that. Yeah. Snickers. It's a little, it's a little, Oh yeah. I love Snickers. It's a little scary for sure. Especially in this modern climate. Like you didn't used to think that so much. It wasn't so much's a little, oh yeah, I love Snickers. It's a little scary for sure, especially in this modern climate.

You didn't used to think that so much. It wasn't so much of a thing. But now people are very, very touchy and you have to be able to take a joke. I find it very ridiculous that people are so ready to just tear down a career for a statement that's made. And just comics have to be given license to say crazy things because otherwise you're going to be getting very boring comedy but it is it does make you a little bit scary these days does that same does that same sort of rule set rationale apply to alex jones someone like that who i would argue is a spreader of propaganda and and fear and hatred to to a large extent with his with his antics yeah i don't think it does extend to him. I think we still have freedom

of speech and he should be allowed to speak, but I have no problem with platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube kicking him off because they don't owe him anything. I'm all down for a fun conspiracy theory, but when you're literally taking dead children and saying that they're actors, that's just

so morally bankrupt. That was foolish. He stepped in shit with that so much. It's shocking to me that he didn't see the line, because he's a performance artist. It's shocking to me that he didn't see the line between the thing with the children and Sandy Hook and frogs being gay, or the universe being a simulation,

which a lot of people propose that. The reptile thing. There's reptilians running the government. You can go out and say, hey, look, all of the Democrats are fucking reptilians, and the Republicans know it up at the higher levels, and they have been fighting the reptilian overlords since time immemorial,

and they can't come out with it because the galactic lizard will come down and just crush it. So they're fighting the good fight for us. You can say that and some of us will crack up and laugh. And then some kooky people will be like, holy shit. Yeah. Well, maybe if we could, maybe this whole global warming thing is all part. It all makes sense now.

They want it. People have been fighting the global amphibian overlords for too long. Everyone knows it. People have been fighting the global amphibian overlords for too long. Everyone knows it. And those kids faked their own death. Wait, what? Are you people right now talking about me? Absolutely, Alex. Alex, I'm sorry, but

we feel like you went too far with the Sandy Hook thing, quite frankly. There were people showing up at those... I specifically said, if you want me to believe, present the dead bodies of those children to me in no caskets on my terms. And they roundly refused. And that enough

is, to me, enough to say this is a deep state conspiracy against someone for some reason. Alex, we were going to show you the dead bodies, but you specifically requested that we do it live on the air on your show. You wanted to display them. How am I supposed to win the InfoWars and sell protein powder made from crickets if I don't show dead bodies of kids on my internet website?

Now you haven't answered that, and I doubt you can. Whoa, whoa. You can talk shit to Alex Jones, whoa. You can talk shit to Alex Jones, but please don't talk shit to crickets. We've discussed this already. They're very tasty. No, I would never talk shit about crickets. I'm talking about cricket-made protein, which is fantastic for you. It is the one remaining food source

that the deep state lizard man haven't touched. It's bugs. And believe you me, they are coming soon for the bugs. You'd think lizards would go for the crickets first. And then people believe this. That's why they want it on the market. That's a red herring they're throwing out there, and people like you are eating it right up.

I feel like you might eat a red herring. I feel like you enjoy it. Any more questions, Kyle? I'd just like to know, do you have a coupon code for that bone broth? Because I'm addicted to it. Well, no, we've had to discontinue the bone broth after a few unexpected E. coli outbreaks. But we do have my neck thickening agent available.

It is now in a salve form. It will turn you red. It will make you red and thick. Perfect to resist penetration of deep space web, web, web attacks, and such. How do you, the election cycle's coming up, and there's,

you know, Obama seems to be out there really rallying the troops, right, giving speeches, and it seems like the roles between he and Trump have almost reversed, because it wasn't so long ago when Barack Obama was president, you had Trump out there sort of rallying up the Republicans to go after this guy. How do you feel about that?

I mean, I expect him to do as much. He is a deep state lib who's going to do whatever he's told by his Soros masters. So this was totally expected. Frankly, I'm excited by it because people do not care for Mr. Obama, and he's just driving more people into the arms of my side. So I expected it. I called it. I've called many things.

People say I'm a clock that's only right twice a day. No, I'm a clock that's only wrong twice a day. And I'm 420 because I do not smoke. I do not take any substances. Now, Michelle Obama has a book coming out this week. I don't know. Michelle Obama's book's coming out. She's going book coming out this week. I don't know. Michelle Obama's book's coming out. She's going on a book tour.

And I don't know. How do you feel about that? Barack Obama's wife has been really demonized by a lot of people and often attacked and mocked and ridiculed by the writer. Are you one of those people? Now, of course. You know I've always been the one to lead the charge with the argument that Michelle Obama is actually just Patrick Ewing dressed up, standing next to the president, and I've never been met with something I believe is an actual reputation of this.

Yeah, I'm with you on that. I'm pretty sure that is Patrick Ewing with the president. If anyone can prove to me that Michelle Obama is not Patrick Ewing in a dress, I'll give you a year of bone broth once that FDA regulation is lifted and the A. coli is confirmed gone. Let me do a quick ad read here. Sell our own bone broth. Bad breath is a gross, embarrassing problem that impacts everyone at some point in their lives. Fortunately, it isn't your fault.

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Very gentle. Never feel like it's ripping your gums apart or anything. I love it. It's great. And it's much more affordable than... I had a girlfriend who had a ridiculous one. It was like $150 or something like that. And I'm over there with my $25 Get Quip electric toothbrush just blowing hers away. My teeth were much cleaner. Oh, yeah. See, we care

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Hopefully not you either, Ben. Well, I have cavity issues. I have a couple more that have to be fixed ASAP. cavities for you no cavities for anyone on our program hopefully not you either ben well i have cavity issues i have a couple more that have to be fixed asap so we're gonna send you a quip and some smart mouth i'll take it are we talking root canal a filling or i hope not removal no no no just a couple fillings i just had a couple filled up a couple more i gotta fill i also uh have a to wear a mouth guard now to sleep i'm'm getting old. I don't like it. I'm in that boat with the mouthguard. It sucks. You feel like

there's nothing worse than getting into bed after fucking with a woman and being like, alright, before we snuggle up and start going to bed, I gotta put this really unappealing thing in my mouth and just know there's a tacit understanding that you won't talk to me

there will be no pillow talk after i put this in where they're like so you still want to go to my my brother's thing tomorrow afternoon yeah i don't even care i'm gonna be able to make that anymore it's like oh i just fucked you and it's even worse for taylor because taylor grinds his teeth in his in his sleep and he skipped a night a few months ago and chipped one of his front teeth how much did it cost to get that no shit uh they he patched my dentist patched it up for free because like he he my dentist literally noticed like how bad my grinding was and he's like we don't usually do this but you know for the composite we remake your teeth with if you chip it like for the first like eight months or whatever just come in

and we'll get it filled in because i've never seen anyone i've been doing this for 32 years and i'm like yeah i get it i grind badly he's like i've never seen anybody with masseter muscles as powerful as yours from all this grinding of your whole life my teeth were 125 years old as far as the grinding patterns like i'd ground them down to the level that you'd find in like a japanese supercentarian like that was that level of grinding so they had to rebuild it it's such a disconcerting realization because like we all probably all believe about ourselves i know i did that i was a peaceful sleeper i don't have horrible dreams i'm not dreaming about demons attacking me i'm a nice, normal person.

I believe I sleep peacefully. Every time I go to the dentist, they're like, you're having thrashing, horrible grindings happening every night. I'm like, I don't buy it. They're like, look at your fucking teeth. They're being rubbed down to nubs. Yeah. Do you wake up with, like, soreness?

Or did you before you started using a mouth thing where, like, you'd wake up and your jaws would just, like, click or be tight or anything? No, that's not a thing. I think someone's doing something to you when you're sleeping. That might be the case because there are a lot of homeless people around me. Sometimes I don't lock my door because I forget. That's the problem. Anyone could shamble in and, you know. Mouth fuck you in your sleep.

You know what? There is no more dangerous place for a penis than my mouth while I'm sleeping. Here's an important test. Before you use that, because of all the aggressive grinding, I guess. Oh, you're not getting even a little bit of your dick back, sir. But here's how you know, though. Before you use that great mouthwash in the morning you wake up, does your mouth also smell like homeless penis?

Well, it's a little bleachy, but I'm not sure. There you go. I have to know. Bleachy. I feel like I just learned something about Taylor. You ever spit out pennies? Ever dimes coming out your mouth when you wake up? A little metallic.

Yeah. Just like loose change coming out of you. No, I hope my mouth isn't being fucked by homeless vagabonds. The homeless are the last subclass of people that we can still mock freely. You notice that? Because they don't have any groups. Not really. And they're certainly not listening to this fucking show.

Because they don't, you know, they're poor and they don't have electricity even. Much less an internet connection to connect and watch this. What's the right fix for the homeless? I've proposed battle arenas and things that'll actually drive up revenue for the state, get better roads, better schools. Cut down on the number of homeless.

That's a happy coincidence of my fight to the death thing. But what can you really do with these people other than give them a ticket to California? I'm in California. I think we're good on homeless. We got a lot of them. Yeah, you guys have more than the rest of us combined. That's why.

Just add it to the pile. California. I don't know. That's lots of homeless. California. Expensive housing. Yeah. I think you just do temporary

housing. You got to do more temporary housing. There's a group I support called LA Family Housing that helps build temporary housing for the homeless peoples. Mayor Garcetti's trying to right now build some new temporary housings that then will help them find a permanent housing. LA Family Housing actually finds permanent housing for homeless

people. And it helps them break the cycle of homelessness by giving them job training services. It can't just be a home. You got to give them job training services. You got to, uh, help them get back on their feet.

Otherwise we're just going to end up repeating it. No, I feel like you got to differentiate between the different kinds of homeless, because like the truly crazy homeless you can't give that guy a subway bread knife he's going to murder his you know 17 year old manager on an angry day when they run out of sweet onion chicken teriyaki and the fat guy at the other side of the counter won't take it so you need to maybe put them in a mental institution

we can rebuild those that reagan tore down and ruined back in the late 80s. It's true. But the regular homeless, which I think is a smaller group that are able to get their shit together. Just down to luck. We should do something. What kind of jobs would they be good at? There's a lot of voluntary homeless, right? Van life. Hashtag van life, baby. We're doing this.

The voluntary homeless get no help. If you're voluntarily homeless. Right. Agreed. I think it's actually the opposite. I think actually, I was talking to someone recently about this. There's much more homeless people that are the normal, mentally stable ones, but the ones that get all the face time are the ones that are coming up to you with a coin cup and being like, hey, come on, give me. That's what the face of homelessness becomes.

And they take that money and they use it to have a key made to your door and come in and fuck your mouth when you're sleeping. That's what they do. Fool me once, shame on me. Get your mouth fucked in your sleep two or four times, shame on me for giving out copies of my key. I think we want to draft the homeless and create this crack squad of shock troops that we use just willy-nilly. Like there's no – this isn't one of those things where we need congressional approval or even the president has to sign off. Like we can drop – parachute these things in anywhere on the globe within within 18 hours right we can have a whole mess of hammer murdering street living cup shaking hobos just dropping right into pakistan

just just they got no id they don't have any identities we couldn't find their identity if they if they were still here the pakistanis are never going to know where it came from they don't even need to be murderers i think they could just be a drain on their economy instead. Let's be honest with ourselves. We're playing the long game here. Let Pakistan come up with temporary housing for them. Drop them in all these other countries that are bragging about their health care. Health care these motherfuckers, huh?

Well, you guys know for a fact, whether you support Trump or not, you know if Trump heard that idea right now, he would literally go, not a bad idea, not a bad idea. Don't hate it. These guys are good. Don't hate it. These guys are good. You take the homies, you make them into a super troop. Move over, Fox and friends.

Here come the Rape Squad killers. Easy to do. We're going to call them Seal Team Shakes because they all get a handle of vodka after they're done with the mission. Stay off those shakes. They're not the most accurate battalion, but goddamn, they'll die for anything I say. I don't think it's a bad idea, right? Like, we don't want them. We don't need them. We could put them to use,

right? Like, give them a fucking machine gun. Send them to Mexico. Oh, shit. These are terrible ideas, for the record. These are very terrible ideas. We make them guard the border, and for every person trying to sneak in that they catch, they get a cheap little $7 plastic 7-Eleven bottle of vodka. Imagine the money will say, I'm writing this down.

That's the idea. It'd be just like collecting recyclables, right? They just go and round up all the Mexicans and hand them over to border security and get like $7 a pop. And they take all the empty vodka bottles, give them to homeless people in like Michigan. They trade it in for 10 cents a pop and you're solving homelessness in two areas now.

Instead of a wall, you just build a long, thin hobo village that goes all the way across the southern border. Oh, these places look even worse than Mexico. Exactly. They show up. They show up and they see the shantytown and leave. The coyotes are like,

over there is the United States of America, the land of prosperity and freedom. And they're like, as they wipe the dirt and sweat from their dirty eyes, oh, it looks terrible. That man is shitting in his front yard. Y'all appear to be drunk.

That last idea is not the worst. Dallas up there so that they're fooled. No, I said Dallas right there. We made it. It's just terrible. Oh, Dallas, the big shantytown? That might work, actually, because everybody knows you can't fake signs. So I think that could work actually because everybody knows you can't fake signs so i think that could work they don't see they see the problem there they wouldn't expect it it's so

so stupid and insipid that it might work and i think that it's much cheaper than a wall before we build the big expensive wall let's give this homeless you know solution to go we've got nearly we got plenty of homeless to span the whole wall, right? Probably not. That idea I really don't even hate. I don't hate that idea. The only problem is shifting, getting them there. The travel expenses is what I'm mostly concerned about.

Mexico is going to pay for it. Oh, that's a strong point. If we can bus them to the polls, we can bus them to the border, right? Maybe we'll just, while they're on the polls, on election day, we take them, make them vote, and then we line them them to the border, right? Maybe we'll just, while they're on the polls, you know, on election day, we take them, make them vote, and then we line them up on the border. How much worse do you think the country would be if you literally, just for a year,

on a lark, replaced all of Congress, both houses, with just random homeless people? I don't think it would be much worse. It would be fine. That's what's hilarious. They would get more done. Or they could do nothing. I don't think it would impact my day-to-day life at all.

No, every time they're like, we're going to shut down the federal government, and then they plan it up like this, they're going to shut down the federal government, and then when they end up doing it, you're like, huh, well, going to work. Everything's the same. Nothing changed.

I bet with those homeless, what would their first resolution be? Would the senator from Missouri please stop pissing in the aisle? If I hammer him to death, he can't vote. It's a good way. He's our whip. He's our party whip. We have a joke because I live in St. Louis, and there's been a string of hammer-related murders here for the last year or so like people being

hammered to death uh like a homeless guy broke into an abandoned school and hammered a few other homeless gentlemen to death and so you know i don't like i'm i'm wary when i'm walking by ace hardware i don't know which one of those miscreants has a you know as a band so i would call him mc hammer because that guy's got the skills. I mean, he's the master of ceremonies of hammering, hands down. He actually is. Yeah. He's in jail now.

God rest him. Hammer time. Too legit to quit. Do you guys have the death penalty? Do we what? Taylor, do you guys have the death penalty? He's in jail. He's a hammer murderer.

He seems eligible. Yeah, we've got the death penalty? He's in jail. He's a hammer murderer. He seems eligible. Yeah, we've got the death penalty. We're bragging over there like you're Texas. Oh, no. I'm just saying we're all in the same region. We're in the death penalty region of the country. Ah, the Bible Belt. Yes, the Bible Belt.

The Bible was very clear on murdering people at the end of the state. You see what I'm saying? I'm a party of small government. That people at the hand of the state. You see what I'm saying? I'm a party of small government. That's why I like allowing the state the right to kill people. That's what makes no fucking sense to me. I'm pretty conservative, but that makes no sense to me. When it's people who are hardline death penalty people. It's like, who really cares that much?

Like, just lock them up forever, and if it turns out that someone didn't do it and you accidentally murder them, you don't accidentally murder someone who was innocent. You know? It seems like an easy problem to solve. So here's a list of all the Missouri death row inmates currently, and if you click on them,

they give you a whole story. They give you a whole story. It's a whole story it's got his image there all the case facts uh here's uh here's case facts here's elroy preston who'd been living temporarily with his brother ervin uh looks like uh ervin was a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair and uh peewee richardson and betty klein lived together upstairs all were present in the quarters for the evening of heavy drinking. During the course of the night, frequent alcohol-related verbal disputes were exchanged between the three men over petty issues, including who was to sleep where and where some chicken, which had been purchased, was to be shared with Pee Wee Richardson. Pee Wee and Betty eventually went upstairs to bed with Elroy Preston from time to time interrupting their slumber with trips to their room.

Angry for a continuing assortment of reasons, Preston made a final trip upstairs and ordered Pee-wee and Betty to come back downstairs. In the presence of Irwin and Sherry Brown, his girlfriend, Preston announced to Pee-wee and Betty that he would kill them just as soon as he removed his clothes. The idea behind the clothes removal was to keep splattered blood off of them. True to his word... Someone's seen Dexter.

True to his word, Preston removed his clothes and proceeded to stab and critically wound them with a hunting knife. Yeah, when somebody warns you they're going to kill you, maybe at that point during the disrobing, take off. I think that's the move. This guy apparently trained on Team Ben with this one. Then with a single swipe of the knife,

he severed Betty's spinal cord at the neck, killing her instantly. Yeah. He's got a lot of power behind that slice. He's pretty good at killing. Guys, on this note, this is the time that I have to actually bounce for this event i have to go to it seems like the perfect time um you're heading to oj territory yeah i know i think it's a great time i think it's nice for us to reflect on the current status of st louis death row inmates

and just think about think about what they've done and what we've done to deserve them in our society well look you've got some upcoming show dates right one of them of them is Missouri. I think October 11th, you're in Sunnyvale, California, and then you're in St. Louis, Missouri on November 1st. November 1st through 4th in St. Louis at Funny Bone, and October 11th through 14th with Steve Hofstetter, both of us at Rooster Teeth Feathers

in Sunnyvale in the Bay Area. And then Santa Barbara One Nighter in November as well. Yeah, tickets at Gleib.com, my website, G-L-E-I-B.com. Nice, man. We'll link that in the description so people can find well. Yeah, tickets at glebe.com, my website, gleib.com. Nice, man. We'll link that in the description so people can find it. Oh, thank you. People can subscribe to my podcast and listen to it.

I will be continuing the list of death row inmates in St. Louis on my podcast this week. Awesome. And hey, who knows? Maybe I'll stop by your show and shoot you afterward. Thank you. I would love that. Keep the trend going. That's how I'll know it's you.

Yeah. All right. Dude, thanks for coming on, man. Everybody check out Ben's podcast and all Ben's dates. Very funny guy. A lot to have you back, man. I would love it. Thanks so much for having me, fellas.

That was a blast. Thank you. All right. Later, man. Later. Find ourselves down a rabbit hole on YouTube. There's so much to discover there you can spend hours exploring uh new songs and artists and now there's an app to make it all so much

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Check it out. YouTube Music. Very cool. check it out youtube music very cool and that does not expire on september 3rd and so you are good to go youtube music all right you guys have anything you wanted to jump to uh i do but i'm flexible sure no no we can roll with yours dude i've got a video for a bit later i have a video too uh this one i think so i feel like sometimes sometimes we're almost anti-woman on this. This is – Almost. The chick in this is amazing. It's a shooting in Cincinnati, Ohio.

You guys probably saw it. It was major news. We're about to see it from the perspective of her body cam. Are you familiar with this? Yes. No, I have not seen this. Oh, dude,

this, this chick. I've got it. I do. Is there any backstory needed for what's going on? Uh, well, uh,

yeah, I guess the, the, the tiniest bit of backstory is that they are responding to shots fired in what looks to me like a mall. Kyle, do you have anything you want to add? It sounded like you knew about it too.

I watched the video. Nothing to add though. All right. Are you guys ready? Yep. Ready, set, play. So this comes from a couple different angles. This is footage of them inside the thing.

The security guard's taking people to safety. And at first I was like, is he really that aggressive a shooter? He shoots at anyone he sees. Damn. He's shooting like outside of the area he's in, just at anyone? Yeah, if he sees a person he tries to kill them. Off the screen you can see all the... And he's in like a white button-down shirt and slacks, like business attire.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You'll see the suspect... Looks like someone who went postal. Absolutely. We'll see the suspect. Looks like someone who went postal. Absolutely. Now, here comes the cops. What we're looking at is the woman's body cam. Mm-hmm. They come around.

They see him. We're going to see it from a couple body cams. This is a dude. He saw him. He runs around, and he's putting shots on him. So they positively identify the bad guy. As he enters the front door. Just shooting through the glass at him with a handgun. I don't know how well that works. Kyle probably does. Now, this is the chick.

She's coming in. Instant decision. She's, I think, the first one to put shots on him. Yeah, she got it. This dude with the, what I assume is an M16, he didn't, I think, put the mag all the way in, or maybe the bolt was in the wrong spot when he put it in. But the magazine falls out immediately. I got him, I got him.

I want you, I want you, I want you. Yeah, and pick it up and fix it. Don't just go to your sidearm. I don't even know what the right thing to do there. I could make an argument for both, maybe. And pick it up and fix it. Don't just go to your sidearm. I don't even know what the right thing to do there. I could make an argument for both, maybe. And there it is. It's going to loop.

I'll just mute it while we talk more. Man, that's... It was legit, yeah. Was it confirmed that that woman hit him with that shot? Because it looks like she put three in a tight little cluster right towards him, and he seemed to falter. At least in that difficult-to-see pixelated glass. Right i i don't actually know if it's confirmed that she hit him but it seemed like she did and uh she did some other stuff right too the guy with i assume it's an m16 it could be an ar-15 or m4 they all look the same to me but um the as soon as he tried to

shoot the magazine fell out and then he gets into her line of fire and she like you know puts her gun at the ground and you know kindly not shoots the cop who jumped right in front of her and uh i don't know she she nailed it she did it all right the cop's lucky he was white her instincts would have taken over was that cop white yeah oh wait i don't even know for the sake of this joke he is for the sake of this joke he is yeah like that was like also it was creepy seeing the guy march around just totally with his like you could tell with his posture it was like an uncaring posture the way that like in dark knight rises the joker would walk around like he's not worried about like correct shooting posture he's just he's not worried about a specific target.

He's walking around just kind of listlessly holds his arm up and fires at someone he sees. Oh, there's someone else. Oh, there's somebody else over there. One-handed blast at him. If I hit him, it's good. If not, whatever. I'll find somebody else to shoot at.

It was clearly, not clearly, but it looks like a suicide by cop situation almost. It didn't look like he was fighting back with the cops, did it? Too often in these situations, I'm not impressed by the cops' bravery. I recognize how tough a situation it is. I get that. You know, that France shooting where they were inside with shotguns for like an hour and a half while they were outside coming up with a plan. The school shooting where 17 people died recently the there was like a school cop working there and he just

hightailed it out this the first time he's ever fucking needed um and he got fired another guy got fired too like we've had too many instances of american cops who have praised before just when they hear bullets they run the other way these guys heard bullets and ran right to it and they were not like safe they're just jumping in the glass look at on the screen right now you can't see it the guy just darted across the bad guy's line of sight and gets into a gunfight with him these these cops don't lack bravery and i like it yeah yeah i like that for sure yeah i saw one the other day um it was a it was a shooting on a highway the suspect stops his car and gets out and a cop sort of sneaks up seemingly uh and and

they have a they shoot across the the hood of the car like at each other and they both hit each other like simultaneously they traded fucking hits like it's like it's fucking called duty or something the cop gets shot in the arm. And until you've seen someone bleed from a gunshot wound, you just have no idea because the movies are bullshit. This cop bleeds out what looked like, I don't know, like four soda cans of blood in like 30 seconds or something. Where was his injury? In the arm, like near the bicep, shoulder type area. The suspect is in so goddamn much pain, he drops his gun and just lays on the ground, rolling around, sort of writhing in pain.

It was nuts, though, how much blood was... But the cop didn't fall. The cop goes and starts applying a tourniquet to himself, but he can't quite get it, so his buddy comes over and zips the tourniquet up. It was pretty fucking hardcore. Yeah, they must have hit that artery i guess everybody knows that what is it called the brachial maybe is that what

this one is i don't know it sounds sciencey i choose to believe it yeah where's that i don't know so then i saw one the other day where the suspect they pull a cop over or they pull a car over and the female uh police officer she's at the door and her male partner is sort of at the back right uh fender of the vehicle guy gets out of the car shooting like right away he shoots her and she hits the ground screaming really loud you can hear him he shoots the guy in the chest or something and then comes around and no hesitation shoots him in the head right there fucking like like kills him instantly. But the whole time you can hear her crying in pain. It's hard to watch. I have the opposite story.

Neither of these people were cops. They were both bad guys, I assume. But they're on either side of a pool table popping up, ducking down, popping up, shooting at each other. None of them get any hits. They're just going up and down, shooting, doing their best. i'm sure it's a

really stressful situation yeah but they're using a pool table as cover and neither of them could get a hit on each and nobody thinks to shoot under the table it seems yeah i don't know if you can on uh on those like vending machine ones like they're pretty deep on mine you can but yeah uh but yeah anyway it was pretty funny it was the uh the age of body cameras has has just given us this incredible like wealth of like scary fucking videos the um the craziest thing i've ever seen was the one i want to say it was dallas it was like what right when the black lives matter thing was in it's it's like most pitched moment when there were people like calling police and then ambushing them and there was that guy who went on a rampage with um with

a rifle an assault rifle of some kind with with armor piercing ammo he's got steel tip he's got steel core uh ammunition in his gun and uh it was like he was so aggressive with his like gunplay gun fighting it was like he was in a video game. There's a cop. There's these big pillars that are supporting the front of this building. And you're watching this kind of from a civilian's camera who's recording it from a second-story apartment. And they've got these big pillars to get behind his cover, like really big, bigger than any tree trunk, maybe three and a half, four feet wide each. And the cop is kind of behind one and the suspect's behind one.

And the suspect just runs at him like it's paintball and sort of does a half circle around him firing. And you can see the bullets go through the cop and hit the asphalt and spark. And he killed that guy. He killed that cop. With body armor? Oh, yeah.

I think he killed six cops that night, right? Yeah. To stop that, you need, like, to stop that, you need the plate armor. That's like a big steel plate, you know, on your chest. That soft body armor doesn't even come, it doesn't even stop like regular

5.56. You're right. Yeah, of course you're right, but I forgot, I should say. Yeah, it's pistols and shotguns. And then that's, of course, the guy where, once they got him cornered in a parking garage, they sent a fucking bomb defuser with a C4 payload on it

and blew the motherfucker up. Dude, body cams are awesome. Good. Body cams are great. And Kyle said we get a wealth of footage, which is cool. Police departments that implement them, big cities, I'm reading 98 less

police brutality charges now there's two coins the two sides of that coin it could be that the police are behaving better right that's a possibility a real one i think it could be that people are not filing false charges anymore because they know it's on camera or it could be both that's what a huge percentage of it has like Yeah, you're right. Because the actual filings have slowed down. So it's probably a combination of what you said. Yeah, I don't think we can know which one it is. Yeah, some combination. It's not all one or the other.

Right. But in either case, it's good. It's good for society. You know, whether cops are behaving better or people are behaving better. And it's good for YouTube content for us. This is a pure win. I'm really loving these body cams. What other jobs do we need to make them wear body cams?

Well, I think we need them in more kitchens, right? I just picture a lot of bad behavior and arguments and unsanitary things going on. So let's get them kitchens. That's something that like, there would be a revolt, I feel like, if people really knew how gross some kitchens across the country and restaurants are.

Like some of them are genuinely disgusting. Every friend I've ever spoken to who worked in the food industry, even at like upscale bars and shit, they're like, oh yeah, that kind of,

you know, it's not a meme that they'll spit in your food. Like that shit happens. Like do you know who most cooks are? Do you know who, like, 30% of the people who work in kitchens are? They're felons.

Because when you get out of prison, you can only go into food service or entertainment. I went to this paramotor training thing I did last month. I went to lunch every day with a guy who was a server. And they'd be like, hey, do you want lemon in your tea? And he's like, no, no, no. I know how the lemons are treated back there. You keep your lemons. I do not want them touching my drink.

And it's every time. And I'm just like, what are they doing with the lemons? What were they doing with lemons? I love lemons in my water. Yeah, lemons in my water. If I have sweet tea, which I try to avoid. Lemons are great. Lemons make almost every drink better.

I don't even like beer, but I somehow like Corona with lemon or lime in it. That is like the funniest thing with Corona is like I'll have some and be like, this isn't good. And then you put a lime and you squeeze it into the glass thing. And it stays in the neck. Yeah. And you suddenly feel like it's like I'm sitting on the beach, you know, like having my Corona. It does. It makes it a million.

That's a shit beer without a lime. I had no idea they were sabotaging our citrus. Yeah. It turns out that's the case. They just, they let them lay around in unsanitary places. They pick them up. Here's one sitting in the used oil from yesterday's grill. We'll just toss it on.

I'm making this up. Apparently, that's a big thing at Chinese restaurants in China itself is that they have a Chinese restaurant in China. Oh, best Chinese in all of China. That's a pretty hard sell, my friend. It's a bold claim. Yeah, it is. Oh, they have 1.4 billion of us and i make the best pong pao

like what what apparently some chinese some restaurants are doing in china is like the you know how they like they have special trucks like disposed of oils and cooking oils and things like pump them out is that some restaurants buy that oil and use that to cook with and so there was a big thing i saw a big thing in china at least where like people are like this is ridiculous like you're buying waste from other restaurants and then cooking it in that and being like oh where do you get all those spices oh a family secret that ties into one of the topics i have for tonight, there's a, so in China, cheating, the way it was phrased is cheating is so rampant that they protested in the streets that they weren't allowed to cheat. They said that, I want to get the phrasing right, so I'm pulling up the article.

There's no fairness if you don't let us cheat. That's great. And over 2,000 people barricaded the school staff in, chanting, there's no fairness if you don't let us cheat, when they confiscated their cheats. They brought in, like, notes and phones or whatever it is they used to cheat. And when they didn't allow them to cheat,

rioting in the streets. And the article, the subreddit anyway they just went on and on and on talking about different ways that they cheat in china and not just in school but all over the place like there was one guy who said that he worked in manufacturing and they're like well you know if we move our stuff to china they can build it so much cheaper for us and we'll just be really good at qa so that the quality won't drop. They did that, and it turned out they had quality issues with the raw materials that they were using,

even though they bought the same raw materials before. Like they, and it turned out what they were doing in this charity's manufacturing place was they were taking the good raw materials, selling them, and then buying shitty raw materials and manufacturing out of that. And when they got caught doing it, they didn't even understand why they were mad because cheating is that rampant.

Baby formula, right? They put melamine in it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it was they put in it, but I've heard about this. And apparently, if you test it, melamine can fool the testing into thinking that there's protein in there. So they would meet nutrition standards. Am I using the wrong material? Is it not

melamine? Is it something else? No, I was saying wow because that's a fucked up thing to do. Yeah, to little babies. You're fucking up their whole life, potentially. You're fucking up babies. You're fucking with baby formula by putting a poison in there instead of protein because when you

test it, it of like tricks it and makes them think that there's it's high in protein and again china can just be i don't know pretty off the hook with regards to cheating and doing the wrong thing but it turned out at the schools the people that protested for and said that if there's no fairness if you don't let us cheat had a point and that was where I thought it was so fascinating. Because China tried a pilot program where they didn't let the school cheat.

So now, when they're trying to get into universities and colleges or whatever, probably universities they call them, or wongchongbingnux or whatever the fuck they call them. So anyway, because this school didn't let cheating happen, all those kids got substandard grades

compared to the kids that cheated. So there wasn't fairness if they didn't let them cheat. What do they say in China? You may have said it on a previous episode. Longchangpong? Yeah, exactly. And that translates to,

in China, if you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough. Everybody cheats in China. I have a friend who went to thailand for like kickboxing for like three weeks or no he went for a month to a kickboxing camp in thailand how'd that go and uh he's he's like pretty he's a former marine he was pretty proficient like he's very into jujitsu and stuff he's he's not a big guy but in thailand he's sizable he's a very muscular like fit dude and he went to china and thailand apparently is where or thailand rather and there are a lot of chinese there a lot a lot of asians from all around that region come there and he was like yeah i loved the thai they're like fun

like you know having a ton of fun partying they're like the mexicans uh over there where it's like you know they you know some people look at them with a little bit of derision but they're like oh they have a fun time uh and then i met a lot of japanese people who are very polite and reserved uh i met like even a cambodian who was very kind but you know who i left thailand hating i'm like no who who'd you leave hating he's like the chinese i've never met a group of people as rude as insular and as racist as chinese people i was like asking him like what are like examples of this like he's like yeah i would go to like these kickboxing things and like chinese people would dominate entire like corners of the whole

establishment because it's china there's even in tourist groups they travel in enormous groups and they would like turn whole areas of like tourist friendly places which in thailand is a lot of kickboxing because that's they're very known for that so that's tourist heavy sure and they would just turn that into like little china to where they're just speaking chinese they like they spit on the ground all the time apparently like in china that you just go and just spit on the ground in public and he was like i i have never thought i was taylor you know me you know i'm not a bigot and a racist i'm like i know that buddy and he's like but i i don't know any other way to say it i hate chinese people and i was like well if they if they're gathering in

enormous gaggles in in public places and spitting in unison then yeah i don't know one's gonna like that so that was interesting to me like it's such a large country that like weird cultural things can start that no one else on earth is cool with like even in like muslim countries where they do stuff like cut girls clits off like there's a lot of other countries that do that too, but like China, I don't think there's any other country on Earth where you can just spit on the ground and it'd be like, yeah, this is just the bus. Well, they have that new social capital system. I forget what they call it.

Their social credit system. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Spitting is one of the things that can knock your credit score down. Oh, that's nice. It should knock it down. That's whyapore is so nice because they you can't chew gum in public you can't spit you can't like be drunk in public like they they are super fucking strict with everything and consequently no crime in a very nice little authoritarian state.

So there's that. North Korea, right? That's what I like about North Korea. It's just lovely there because they kill you and put you in a prison camp if you look at them the wrong way. But you have to weigh that against no spitting.

Which one do you prioritize more? No spitting or freedom you know on every level yeah i'm looking forward to north korea crumbling down because of how interesting it's going to be to see what was really going on at every level and what's frustrating is like they'll be praised we're not going to get the real story like of what was really going on like our media our government like they'll give us whatever narrative they want us to believe about it like sure it's a fucking terrible place but like you want to know how it's really ticking like how it all works you know like that vice document before vice became shitty they did this awesome documentary about uh north korea where

they sent a dude and he was like showing how all these steps along the way uh it was like oh yeah and they know i'm showing up at this checkpoint and i know that this checkpoint for this train stop is always abandoned like no one's here there are no cars in the parking lot because the populace doesn't have cars there's nobody here but i'm gonna walk in and there's gonna be a full spread a layout as though they're expecting a hundred people because they know I'm an American and I'm going to report back what I see. And so it's like they do that shit there where they set up huge fake banquets. And it was him sitting at a table in this checkpoint by himself being served the same few things, ironically, because their agrarian culture is so poor they can't even support themselves with basic shit but it was super interesting to see like if you haven't seen that vice north korea watch that have you seen that kyler woody i liked it a lot yeah is

that the one that has the really hot asian chick uh lisa ling or something like that doing the like she goes undercover it may have been it's it the one i saw is i want to say she like goes in with that optometrist who's fixing cataracts for people oh yeah that sounds right yeah they got permission to go in under the guys well oh no that's a different one this is a different one i've watched that one too yeah yeah that one was really scary because like after this this doctor works like around the clock because he's only got like three days in the country before they kick him out again. So he's trying to fix as many people as he can. And I guess cataract surgery is fairly simple.

He they like cut the eye and remove the cloudy part and then put a plastic lens in and bandage it up. And like a week later, these people can see again or maybe a few days later or something. It's remarkable. Your eyes heal very quick it's it and these people go from being essentially blind like 90 or 100 in some cases to oh shit i'm i'm good again and there's a part where they unbandage everyone there it almost is like a church i don't know what the the building was but there are pews of people and this old lady god knows how old because she's asian and she looks old like 185 or something like that something like a turtle yeah yeah she when she can see she she doesn't think the doctor she doesn't think the camera crew she thinks the great leader's picture and she like bows down to it and says she's gonna mine twice as much salt now

it was fucked that is fucked because like you know that she knows on some level that's what she has to do. Yeah. Woody, I've got a video here that you should probably pre-watch and decide whether we can put it on the show or not. But it's basically what, the way I understand it is these two gentlemen

have played Russian roulette and uploaded a video in the past, but they aimed the pistol at their feet. Yeah, because it roulette and uploaded a video in the past, but they aimed the pistol at their feet. Yeah, because it's bloody and in a bandage. Well, he just got out of the hospital. That's why his foot's bloody and bandaged. And I guess that some of the commenters on their video were saying it's fake,

and he's addressing those individuals. Is this Eastern Europe? It might be. These aren't adidas sandals though they're nike i promise you it's not um it might be eastern st louis uh and uh the the gentleman says you know y'all thought this was fake i'm going to show you and they go back and forth playing russian roulette and the results are predictable. Fuck it, I'm down.

But did someone win? Alright. Someone always wins. This is called Millennial Russian Roulette on LiveLeak. Yeah, I don't know why Millennial, but you know those millennials, they just do everything wrong. We're crazy, you know. These goddamn millennials eating their Tide Pods

shooting their toes off are you guys ready yes sir oh ready set play fresh out the motherfucking hospital niggas talking shit about that ain't my foot I got a white foot and all that other shit that bullet is not in the position you want it does have a white foot man I'll pop that motherfucker get in here you want to play first shot first shot not keeping it on screen very well, but I think this video, because it's on live leak... Oh, it clicked. I was nervous. I haven't even seen it. I know how this goes. They're trading. They're trading. So they're shooting each other's feet.

Oh! Look, fuck! Look at this guy. He lost twice. Now he's got holes in both of his feet. He's got the fuckin' He goes, that's what he said. He goes, now both your feet fucked up. I like how he claims he's better at Russian Roulette. That's like kinda where he's going with it.

Like, yeah, you know, you're not as good as me at Russian roulette. That's kind of where he's going with it. Like, yeah, you're not as good as me at Russian roulette. Dude, this guy is two challenges away from having the stigmata of Christ on his answer. He's got holes in both his hands and both his feet. Dude, did you see the tags on the video? Because I thought they were funny. Russian roulette. The pussy version.

Dude, and that punched right through his foot. In a perfect little hole and kyle was right about saying you you know when you see somebody shot in a i don't know i'm doing a chris rock you know you know when you see somebody get shot no you know when you see somebody getting shot and like the blood pours out that's exactly what you described kyle like immediately it's a dumping of blood yeah we're pressurized we're a big balloon balloon full of goo over here. You pop a hole in us and it starts squirting out. I don't care for blood. I don't deal with it well.

Animals don't bother me. I never had a problem hunting, but every time I've been seriously injured so blood starts spraying out, I have a hard time with it. I start getting lightheaded, almost a panic attack kind of reaction. Scott and I, my cousin, were having a sword fight once with these metal sticks with hooks on the end and at one point i decided we

were getting too aggressive because it's gone from like pirates in a cartoon to like the princess bride or something and anigo montoya over there has given me the business he's like and i'm just like stop but what I should have done is go, stop! And kept defending, and he just hooked me right in the forearm right here. And it went to the bone, I know, because you can feel it. It feels different. And it made a pop.

And I pulled it out, because it didn't just bounce out. And there's a hole there. There's a hole, not big enough to stick your pinky in. Give a scar. My arms are kind of hairy like but like this isn't one of those wings of redemption wounds or anything like i could i could if you were in person i could show you but but no there's not much to it it it it bled and there was a lot of concern over i went and got a tetanus shot but uh but it was no big

deal i had to go throw water on my face like within 30 seconds or i was going out by the time i got to the spigot, I was already cold sweats and everything starting to look kind of gray and brown. I was a little cold water to fix that situation. I'm so glad I've never felt that browning out feeling. That's how I imagine it, just browning

out, just like a old TV turning off your brain. It's like have you ever stood up too quickly and you get that. It's that, but it doesn't go away. It just keeps getting worse. It sounds awful. Mixed with cold sweats and your stomach starts cramping and knotting up and twisting.

It's pretty rough. Take away the cold sweat and the stomach thing. It seems a lot like getting choked out. The closing in, the tunnel sweat and the stomach thing. It seems a lot like getting choked out. Just, you know, the closing in the tunnel vision. You know what's annoying is like the same poor doctors who had to take care of this guy's first problem with his foot

now have to deal with the same guy coming back with an identical injury in the other foot. I would go somewhere else. Call me crazy, but I don't think this guy's the one footing the medical bill. I would go somewhere else. Call me crazy, but I don't think this guy's the one footing the medical bill. I think you're right about that. Glad you guys got it. The other side,

I just couldn't take the judgment. You know, if I shot my... Well, I guess technically his buddy shot him in the foot and then got that treated, I would pick a different ER. I couldn't go in there and just deal with the judgment from the nurses and the doctors it's still getting reported to the cops that's the other thing you know gunshot wounds

are reported to police uh you know so the cops are gonna show up again like really a kid oh yeah freak accident well then can you explain these two videos posted in the last 48 hours on live leak of you and your friend shooting each other at the feet. Like, what an asshole. Yeah, Woody and I played Russian Roulette. Like, what a prick. It's a goddamn shame he didn't bleed to death. Yeah, Woody and I played Russian Roulette, but we let Watermelon be our dummies,

which is the fun way to play Russian Roulette. You still get a fucking... When I shot that Watermelon, for no good reason, I was fully confident I was okay. You know, I took it, I spun it, I put it at the watermelon, and I was just

oddly confident that it would click. Yeah. And then it exploded everywhere. And then it exploded everywhere because that's a.44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun on Earth, and it'll blow your head clean off. That was a cute clip of you putting your hands on Woody's ears ears right oh you too thanks kyle well he was in for a shock if i hadn't done that that gun is loud yeah we we recognized i think that we needed hearing

protection just beforehand and it was either like reset up the like it would have been a while or just do that so that's what we did do that. That's when Woody started that field fire that ended up on the news. It was the same day. It was on Glenn Beck's channel. I was like irresponsible gun owner of the week or something like that. Were you really?

I didn't know that was Glenn Beck covered it. That fat Mormon up there talking shit. Whatever happened to him? Does he do a podcast? Does he do a podcast? Does he do a podcast, not a radio show? I thought it's a podcast. I could be wrong, but I thought it was a podcast. I go through periods

and people give me a hard time because I think I described myself as a honey badger, like don't care years ago. But the truth is I go through periods where sometimes I'm kind of thin skinned and sometimes I'm not. And during that thing, for whatever reason, I was in honey badger mode and Glenn Beck is running with the story and I'm like, fuck it. That's more clicks. I'm fine. It's because he's misrepresenting what happened. Like we were being silly out there. There was no danger. There

was no fear by anyone. It was a, it was a, it was a ha ha. The grass is on fire. Meanwhile, like I've got like a big water truck over there to put it out where but you know comically we run up there and stomp it out or whatever it wasn't a big deal you know i've started much scarier fires than that nobody said shit i've started much scarier i have i was in a hurry though it was a little uh like like i'm not a marathon runner or anything, but you had to picture it. It's hot, right? I don't know. Call it low 90s. It's hot-ish.

And you're running up this hill with the dry grass. I'm stomping on one. And I knew I was getting it, like, 90% out and that it would re-catch. But I didn't want any of them to get more than, like, waist high. Because then they become sort of unstompable. Like, you need something better to put them out. So, it's like, all right, this one's semi-controlled let's go to the next one get it make sure so i'm kind of juggling all these different fires and then kyle came up there he had some water and

that would you know once you put it out with water it doesn't come back yeah for sure we uh we were in florida one time with this guy's range and uh someone you know when i get when i would go to the range i'd bring an assortment of stuff and all kinds of special ammo and if there was anybody there who wasn't like we do work and then there was playtime in the afternoon and some guy had never seen dragon's breath before and i i demonstrate it and then i give it to him and this knucklehead aims the shotgun straight up in the air and fires it. And the kind of Dragon's Breath I have had been kind of special made. I kind of told them what I wanted to get the effects that I wanted. And it's got a slug in there.

I don't know if it's magnesium or what, but it's one of those metals that burns incredibly hot. And it's a slug of it, not just like some pellets that'll just make a psh, like a firecracker. It's shooting a flaming hot ball of of death when it comes out and so that we watch it go straight up in the air burning orange bright as shit and it starts coming down and it lands in the woods right over there and we're just we're all just like hmm and then smoke and fucking flame and there and there's like a like a like a heavy duty barbed wire fence separating us from it and no hose so the poor owner crashes his high-end golf cart straight through five strands of barbed wire and

we all follow him in with two liter sodas because that's all i had and each of us has one like fighting a goddamn fire it was with your with your 89 cent dollar off-brand sodas i remember kyle in a video once was like you know we shoot sodas because in your fat americans it's cheaper to shoot soda than water my russian accent's so bad but it was i want to i want to work on the accent i want to work on the the on imitating woody's russian accent, that's going to be a hard thing to master. You fat American. You fat Americans with your sugar. You're trying too hard.

No, that's too good. Damn it. I was like, mine's not bad. You fat Americans with your sugar and terrible. Damn it. I accidentally almost rolled an R there. More arms. You got to go wide for

some reason because russians do this every time woody does an impression oh arms wide this is how much i'm trying folks like when you're a kid how much do you love me mom this much woody's trying this much to get a half decent russian accent out of there. There's something funny about listening to people who can't do accents try to do accents. Not even that Kyle and I are good, because we're not. Pretty good. And Russian, Kyle's very good.

Dude, do you guys get through YouTube rabbit holes? You get into something, then YouTube is like, oh, clearly you like this. Oh, yeah. I've been into arm wrestling lately oh no we're getting suggested the same things because i also watched the video of the guy with the biggest hands on the planet wrestling someone i knew it i watched it and i had to watch three different videos and i was like this is this is this guy's hands are so big it's literally unbelievable it's like cheating and they like genetically test him and apparently he has

nothing just ginormous arms and his arms are long too he's like a he just had gorilla arms for some reason i uh so here's uh his name is Jeff Dabe. There's a documentary, but it's too long. It wouldn't be good PKA material. But this guy makes other world-class arm wrestlers seem small. His hands are huge, super-duper huge. And other people with giant arms and giant hands seem like they don't have big arms and hands anymore i and have you seen this kyle this guy no i haven't then let's uh let's cue this up and watch like the first minute like we don't have to listen to the audio or anything

it's just the visual that that you need sure sure yeah are you ready to play yeah i'm ready ready set play just dude. Holy shit. Yeah. That was not fair. These are muscle men who are going up against him. These are big dudes. He looks like the mascot for Hamburger Helper. This guy's head is in the way.

These other people are big dudes, and their hands just look small by comparison. This is life-ruining that guy's hands he's halfway down every competitor's forearm yeah like when you hold hands with someone like an arm wrestling you're supposed to you know grip what he does is his hands are so big his opponent has to only hold on to his thumb because his thumb is like the size of a normal person's wrist taylor what's the most amount of fingers you ever put in a girl uh i guess all of them this guy's answer is one i've heard that that's my wife in the wheelchair

sausage finger yeah the women can wear his wedding ring as a bracelet i've read that online i'm sure he said like his size of wedding ring was like 40 this guy that he's beating right now in the video as you watch it is like a legend he's the best that's ever been he's a little over the hill right now but just by size comparison this this is the champion through the 90s. He's outrageously huge. From this angle, his hand looks like a breast implant. It's so big. And I watched a clip of him where it was some dude being like,

hey, so what's your workout? What do you do to be so big and strong and everything? He's like, well, you know, I used to work out when I was younger. I don't really work out anymore. You know, I was graced with a lot of strength. And it's like, really? You drive a forklift? He's a heavy equipment operator of some sort.

I pictured excavators. Is it a forklift? He looks like a video game character. Look at, like, those hands are imagine the bombs that guy could throw if he was frustrated at you. I wonder how well he palms a basketball.

I wonder how well he blocks a punch. He could pop a basketball. He's palming a basketball in this picture. Of course. It's not that hard to palm a basketball. Well, it is if you want i can i can hold it and like hold it right here in front of you and show it to you but if i try like what what i see athletes can't like move it around yeah they like they'll like do stuff with it like like like they're holding a baseball like i can hold it and make it stay in my hand and like move my hand 360 degrees or whatever but i can't like start

jerking it around or anything. It just comes right out. I have a terrible grip on it. And even just, you could poke it and it would fall out. Yeah. I see reports here that they're trying to get John Jones for UFC 230. I keep seeing that report.

I don't know what to make of it. Ooh! He's still banned it is who else is on 230 uh the 230 card like maybe sousa or something uh sousa and poirier is fighting diaz um i'm looking for other like notable names i rock look rock's Fighting Weidman. That's a cool... I like that. I mean, I guess I don't really know the rest of the guys off the top of my head. I've never heard most of their names.

Yeah, I don't know. That'd be nuts. I want him to come back. Look, he's the villain. He's a cheater. But he just happens to be the greatest martial artist that may have ever lived. He's just the best there is. He might be the most dangerous man on the planet. I don't know who beats that guy. Who's that guy?

Like with this Conor McGregor, Khabib thing, we're all like, Conor's in big trouble, or maybe he KOs Khabib. We don't know. There's nobody where you're like, oh, Jon Jones is going to fight that guy? Oh, Jon Jones might be it? No. You're like, oh, Jon Jones might gonna fight that guy oh John Jones might be it no you're like oh John Jones might fucking kill that guy

John Jones gonna embarrass DC again is he fighting DC you think I doubt it it's probably just rumors I saw Colby Covington talking about and then I saw like one of those UFC like podcasters one of the big ones one of the big UFC radio show guys he was talking about it

I think it might just be rumors but but man, I want him back. I know he's a bad guy. Chael Sonnen seems to think it's not true. Chael Sonnen seems to say, like, he's like, I don't see how this can possibly be true. And he's an expert in the USADA rules because, you know, he's been through the process here and there. And he's just like, second time or third time,

I forget what it is for him. He's like, it's mandatory two years. It's two to four. Like, that's within their discretion. Fabricio Verdum just got two years. He's old, too. He's older than some people know. Yeah, that's a career ender at that age.

It's almost one for Jon Jones. He's going to come back. He's going to do great things. The only way that's happening is like, and I don't know if this is even close to being true, maybe the UFC pulls out of USADA. Maybe they just stop doing it, right? And they're just like, ah, we want Jon Jones. I don't predict that.

Because it's not like the federal government came down and was like, hey, UFC, we're making you do this USADA. UFC was like, we're going to do this you suck like ufc was like we're gonna do this usada thing they really needed it they did they did from a from a from a lot of standpoints but then from some other standpoints it's like holy shit i like these guys on roids are fucking i mean it's pretty good for fighting i mean forget the aggression these guys are big they don't they don't get injuries that that injuries that sideline them and shit. They heal faster from injuries. Their chin is better, so outrageous things happen. Everybody's saying that...

What's the competing organization? Bellator. I keep hearing that the guys that switched over to Bellator are making much, much more money. I don't know how that's possible. Maybe Bellator is just like, you know, instead of holding, you know, they're investing and they're trying to steal fighters or whatever,

but I keep hearing people say that like those guys who switched over are making more than they ever did in the UFC. I hear that too, but I think that we're not comparing apples to apples. Like Rory McDonald in particular was very undervalued by the UFC. I don't know why, right? He had this contract where

he just wasn't getting paid very much. Even after he had that incredible fight with Robbie Lawler, and then he compares the contract he had in the UFC to the one he got in Bellator. But he doesn't compare the Bellator contract to maybe what UFC would have

given him. I imagine Bellator maybe beat by 20% or 15% or something like that. And he went with him. The Habib Conor McGregor press conference is Thursday, one week from today. Is it even going to be good? Yeah, it'll be good. It's in New York.

Conor's going to talk a ton of shit. Habib barely speaks the fucking language. It'll be entertaining. He's going to put on a show. He always does does he's never failed to put on a show at a press conference that's true he seems to be a different connor this time around and i i think that means connor's taking this very seriously uh if people don't know connor usually does these world press tours and connor is great at press tours and seems to even thrive at press tours you know you put them on with anyone in front of cnbc and he's like yeah bitch i'm the money person

this is the money channel i'm the guy i'm this rich i drive this car i make this much money did you see me on forbes etc every environment he crushes it this time around no media he's not saying a thing all he's doing is training. And I think that means he's taking Khabib pretty seriously. Yeah, he also did this when he fought Diaz the second time. And probably for two reasons. Yeah, but probably for two reasons. One, hard to talk shit when the guy just kicked your ass.

And two, wanted to fucking focus and win the fight. Can't wait for it. It's the biggest fight of the year. Maybe biggest fight ever in mixed martial arts. I buying it i'm gonna i'm gonna get some friends over get my dad over make a make a whole event of it very excited it's soon it's october 6th does that sound right that sounds right yeah yeah very excited let me do a quick ad read here, tell everyone about... Oh, I should wait till Taylor's back for this one, so instead... Yeah.

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It's one of the all-time classics, all-time greats. Yeah, I watched Wings play it some this week. That was fun. He was streaming Laura Croft. Oh, we should talk about the storm. Oh, Taylor's back. Let me do the other ad because he's a vaper, and this is a vaping sponsor. Yes.

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But that's okay. I've already went to Chiz's house. But that's okay. I've already spoken to Chiz. He's going to help me out with that and get some because he doesn't use those. But I did look it up. I watched a couple after Chiz told me that and was like, hey, we got this sponsor that you'll really like and you're not getting any of it. And I was like, oh, well, that sucks. He'll send me some, right?

He's like, of course. Yeah, I was the same way. I was like, I want to try it. Let me try this. Yeah, I want to try it for sure i looked up reviews online it looks fantastic like it does look like a way easier way to do all this shit because like i don't i don't want to go to the little little store and pick this stuff out like i don't want to go i want to get it quick online that's the way of the future i'm a millennial i need it online i need it quick i

need it to be a thought in my head, purchased, done. And that's what this does. So I'm two thumbs up from me. And I haven't even had the opportunity to try their undoubtedly wonderful products. Well, Taylor, there is a massive hurricane, I'm sure you know, impacting the East Coast of the United States. It's been downgraded, I believe, to a category two at this point. However, they explained that something about the winds mean that the storm surge could be equal to, to what they were predicting days ago when it was still a category four or

five or whatever it was. And our brave, brave friend wings of redemption has refused to leave his, his abode. He is, he is staying right where he is stuck in spot. Um, he had like 2000 viewers a couple of days ago,

like, like lots of people concerned about him uh getting some pretty good donations and they're all like dude why aren't you leaving and he laid out his survival plan it was great it was it was like the survival show we never got he's like i got four cases of water we've been making soup all week here here's a picture of the soup oh he's got props it's he had the ingredients for the soup we know he's not fucking around they're like they're like how are you gonna heat it up aha i got propane burners i i don't need electricity to heat this soup up i got he's got this he's got that and they're like

well what what about your your home this modular home is it is it rated for hurricane winds. And he says, I've got awning braces or something like that. My home can withstand 160 mile per hour winds. I'll have you know. So I'm just going to go out today and I'm going to pick up the picnic table and anything that might be in the yard that could be thrown about. Put that in the shed out back and we're good

to go. Meanwhile, I'm seeing like storm surges, 38 inches. He's like, it's never flooded here once. Like the storm surge is like cutting right in. It's like 12 feet, I'm seeing storm surges, 38 inches. He's like, it's never flooded here once! The storm surge is cutting right in. It's like 12 feet, I think. Like, out to where he is. Because he's 30 miles inland, out to the flooding, the potential flooding.

That's what I should have said. It's crazy. It says 80 miles an hour can break windows. And so, double that is... I'm no no hurricaneologist but it's going to do more damage if it's double the window breaking more you say okay i would say close to double the damage probably more yeah probably probably exponential really if you're thinking about it because as soon as you're able to pick up a car and hurl that into something like you're capable of destroying anything so let me yeah you should

probably not be in myrtle beach or uh whatever area he is near that that's pretty near myrtle beach for people that don't know uh i grew up two blocks from the beach i know a little about hurricanes i think because of that i used to get school days off for evacuations and things and uh where i currently live some some people are worried about me. You don't have to worry about me. Like Raleigh is kind of where you evacuate to right now, not where you evacuate from. But Wings, on the other hand, is where you evacuate from. And I don't know exactly where Conway is, but there's just a lot of like low-lying area on this part of the coast if

you're 30 miles in on jersey you're probably like 60 feet in the air or something like that but that's not true it's all like swamp land and stuff inland on this part of the country so because it's really the flooding that you fear more than the winds and stuff it's like the oh shit i'm out of water he said he lives on a hill. And if he does, then maybe that's a thing. I live on a hill. You've been there. I don't remember the elevation change, though.

Look, not to dispute wings on measurements or numbers or anything like that, but if that's a hill, I live on a mountaintop. It's not a hill. It's all flat low-lying area sandy soil sort of already uh more you know wet inundated with water to some extent it's it seems like the danger zone to me i'd probably take a little road trip pack up my gear and you know go inland somewhere get a get an airbnb for a week or something like that but uh 65 a night motel kyle that's the move you make here i can see why you wouldn't do it like i don't live in that area of the country but if i did i could see why i would resist relocating if

i'm like every year they tell me to relocate and then every year they downgrade and i'm fine and i if i relocated i regret it and if i stayed like, huh, my internet didn't even go out. I can definitely see how you would be tempted to stay. The other side of it is... I'm from the middle of the country, so I fall for all of this. It's the new biggest storm and I'm like, it might be. The other motivation is you don't know what state your house is, so you're wondering when they evacuate you.

Then they don't let you come back forever like two weeks later they're still like no you know we don't we don't want to be having to rescue you and you're like motherfucker it's sunny out now the water is still if anything i want to see my house you know like i i need to know what's up i was living i could be home all this time instead iuated, and I can't check out my stuff. It sucks. That's what happened last year with my dad. Like I said, bought a place close enough to Tampa. Last year, I don't remember what storm, but it was going right through there.

I was like, hey, dad, you worried about your house? This was before, and I was doing it tongue-in-cheek, so I don't fucking know. He's like, yeah, yeah yeah it really sucks just bought a house there and looking like it's gonna get destroyed and i was like oh really yeah that's what it looks like and then it ended up like veering way off and like the gulf or some shit and didn't do anything and so it was fine but uh yeah i'm glad i don't have to deal with this every year. Wings, if you're listening, if you still have time, and it's starting to look... Flee! Flee for your lives!

You don't have time anymore. It's over, right? Evacuation time is done. It's hitting. So Kyle showed windy.com, one of my favorites. It's a paramotor thing, too. But he's showing, I guess, the path of the hurricane or maybe a moment in time.

What is this, tomorrow afternoon, I'm betting? It looks like the Predator vision. It's like they don't even bother with the blues and the yellows, necessarily. It's just all white, which is the worst, I think. Yeah, even white was a thing. And bright pink, magenta, and orangey red. It looks rough. And look at all those lightning bolts.

Yeah. If you can't see... Oh, those are lightning bolts? I thought that was like a textured speckling on the design. No, okay. If you can't see, the dot is on Conway. It's kind of hard to read Conway because the dot is there. But Wings is like right in the middle.

The only way he could be worse is to move a little closer to the beach. Yeah, like. He's in his spot. What is that? 3.48 inches of rain is what's come down there so far i guess um i think that's or how much they're expecting i don't know how to read this maybe it's an hour you know like looks like kyle has this set for oh 5 a.m on sunday yeah so i'm a little confused what does it look like on saturday maybe i should get open windy. I already have it open, of course.

The real question, Woody, if she gets bad and Wings is able to get the word out that, help me, I've sandbagged myself into my office. The water level is... I've piled up my silk clothes at the front door to defend myself. It's just me in squeaky chair and gangster grandmas on my shoulders. And like, we don't know what to do.

Like we can't fit out the window, obviously. And we've sandbagged our way into, into my bedroom. Will the Nighthawk swoop in and, and, and save him? You'd now have your tandem rating. You could swoop in and, and and save wings of redemption this doesn't work on so many levels like i uh you can't fly a paramotor in that kind of weather you're not allowed to fly anything if you don't know during these uh rescue and evacuation options they tell everyone like you can't fly your drone there you can't fly your paramotor they're like

you get sucked like four miles into the air and freeze to death. No, there's helicopters and shit that need that airspace clear. They can't have your recreational jackass flying around. Recreational? This is a life-saving mission by the Nikon. And I don't have tandem gear. And if I did, wings would be a really challenging passenger. You've got toe straps.

Let's go. Toe strap? Oh, just to bring him on the ground ah it's rough so i'm just showing everyone on screen right now the path of the hurricane and if you don't know wings is right about here so it looks like in the early period is where he gets it rough it's going going to peak for him Friday night and Saturday morning. It's going to suck no matter what, even if nothing bad happens, like no wind damage or flooding. He's almost certainly going to be without power for an extended period of time, which is, I can't tell you, that's such a big inconvenience

when you don't have electricity. Like, I lost electricity a couple years ago for maybe four or five days or something like that, and it was awful. It was awful. I'm, like, driving over to my parents' house to take showers so I can have hot water. I'm, like, you know, no internet, obviously. Can't charge the phones. Just in the car. Just in the car listening to XM radio and charging my phone out there. It was awful. Part of the issue is that most of the time these hurricanes, they either come up the coast or they kind of rush into land.

Like when they do make landfall, they curl in and then they leave. Now this one, there's a high pressure system kind of messing with its path. So it lands almost on the coast of North Carolina, goes back down, which is abnormal, and then comes into South Carolina and then works its way inland. By hovering in this spot, it's going to dump so much more rain than most hurricanes do because they don't usually linger from Friday to Sunday in the same area. And that's the challenge so we'll see i i'm sure we'll you know he'll be streaming uh i'm sure up until the point where his power goes out or whatever so we'll we'll know what's up over there it'll be cool to see

i wish i have enough um like ups and stuff here to survive about 30 minutes of power outage like i could just keep going with the show for about that long i wish wings did i wish there was like a little countdown timer and the beeping in the background as his stream like you know wound down towards the power outage or if he had ever done that thing that i was suggesting years ago where he's power powering everything with a bicycle like go green yeah that would be that would be that would be so cool that would take a lot of energy run is raleigh oh so a city that gets hit ever by this or is it like it's too far and we kind of know the drill yeah it got hit a while ago like it was actually the year before i moved here hurricane irene maybe something like that in like 98 or 97 and it just it beat the shit out of Raleigh but

it's pretty rare I mean I'm pulling up a 20 year old example yeah that's good so so Netflix is continuing their pattern of making just incredible content the Coen Brothers next movie is a Netflix exclusive the guys who made

No Country for Old Men or Brotherhood Art all that stuff and it's a western. It's a fucking... It's called The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. That sounds western as fuck. Right? Buster Scruggs. Dude, so have you seen

O Brother, Where Art Thou? Yeah. It seems to be... You should watch O Brother, Where Art Thou. It's excellent. It seems to be cut from the same cloth as O Brother Brother Who Art Thou. It's excellent. It seems to be cut from the same cloth as A Brother Who Art Thou. Much of the cast is the same, and it seems to have a really... It's like a western comedy, but not like

a silly comedy. The Coen brothers have their own brand of comedy. Like a darker comedy? Darker and sort of tongue-in-cheek at times, and a little silly, but not to the point where you cross into the Ridiculous Six or anything like that. It looks amazing.

I'm as psyched for it as I am for anything. I've got the clip here if we want to watch it. We can't watch trailers. I was just writing it. Trailers have music like 95% of the time. Oh, okay. Well, check this out. I've been asking

for a western, and this looks like a pretty good one. Yeah, so I don't know. I'll check it out. I'm psyched for that. Yeah, I promise if you watch this trailer, you'll be psyched. Especially if you've ever seen A Brother Who Art Thou. You'll recognize a lot of the actors that were so

great in that, and man, I'm very excited for a lot of the actors that were so great in that. And man, I'm very excited for this movie. It's going to be great. You know what? I've been watching recently. I'm only a couple episodes in, but I'm on season two of Ozark, the Netflix original series. And it's really good again. I like it as much as Breaking Bad. It's like a Breaking Bad that is way, way fucking faster.

it as much as breaking bad it's like a breaking bad that is way way fucking faster and the the mastermind is not half-assed stumble or not stumbling his way ass backwards into success over and over like he's a super hyper intelligent accountant who i'm not going to spoil what he's doing for those of you haven't seen it but he knows exactly what he's doing he's already proficient and he like almost an in an eerie way folds into the corrupt scary life without like becoming a sniveling pussy like it's really really good series i haven't seen season two but he's kind of a fish out of water and then a lot of the people around him don't seem to be as bright as him you know he goes to the ozark and they're are they rednecks so they like he's with like a bunch so like if you go to lake of the ozarks which is in the lake of the ozarks is fucking enormous it's a lake in southern missouri you know that was something i actually noticed where uh

the the southern kind of you know house of representatives district or whoever was he was saying he's like and i'm always representing the fine people of missouri and i was like ha i can tell you're not from here because he would have said missouri if he was but uh it it's it's a really fun place to go to on a trip if you like lakes and skiing and that kind of shit like hunting outdoorsy shit but you know sorry to my ozarkian listeners but the people who live there are weird like they're strange i wouldn't even say redneck i'd say like bumpkin if that like differentiates a bit like not not even you know a texas alabama kind of redneck just like an odd country wood folk bumpkin are what those people are like you know some of them are fine some of our five people i'm sure but uh but they're not setting their they're not

setting their best you know people from the ozarks but uh yeah it's a really good show i suggest everybody check it out it it starts immediately there's no investment of oh i gotta watch three episodes and kind of you know garner a little appreciation for the characters no it starts fucking quick and i know you've seen that as well haven't you kyle or no i watched uh some of the first episode and got sidetracked but but uh but i everybody keeps talking about it so much i'm definitely gonna have to go back to it have um did you watch the second episode of it's always sunny in philadelphia the 13th season obviously or was it did it just come out uh last week it came out the fifth i haven't seen the

first or second yet but i will i heard the first one was about an escape room that's the second one the that's the most recent episode um they're they're they retrofit Mac's apartment into an escape room so that's pretty funny the first one I didn't like the first one I'll say that and the thing that I've seen a lot of people

I read a lot on the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia subreddit, IASIP and those guys all seem to agree that this was almost like the show makers and the writers saying, this is what it would be like without Dennis. This is what it would be like if we tried to

reinvent ourselves into this other thing that isn't what we do, that isn't in our wheelhouse. And they have Mindy Kaling, I think is her name, the Indian girl who played Kelly in The Office who was my least favorite member of The Office. She was annoying as shit. She's annoying as shit in this.

She takes over the dentist role. And it was... I didn't like it. You struggle to find a bigger Sonny fan than me. I've seen it all many, many times. I own all the seasons. I love it. I love it. But man, that first episode was excruciating to watch,

and I didn't like it at all. Second episode, markedly better. I got several good laughs out of that. it but man that first episode was excruciating to watch and i didn't like it at all uh second episode markedly better i i got several good laughs out of that um and you know that's coming back like is it a tease that he's going to end up coming back because if he's not coming back i'd rather do what i wish i did with the office and just stop after michael leaves and just have that be how i remember the show you You get Dennis. Okay, good. Thank God. That show's nothing without Dennis. You need the whole dynamic. Sorry, Woody.

Who's the show with Terry Crews in it now? The Nine-Nine? Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I've been watching that. It's five seasons in and the seasons are long. They're short shows like 20-minute shows, but it's like 22 episodes a season, so there's a ton of content and it's really good. It's fun, and Adam Sandberg is great in it.

He's so likable, this guy. I feel like I'm saying this, like, breaking news. The best comedian SNL's had in the last 10 years is actually kind of likable. Adam Sandberg, thank you. What did I call him? You called him Adam. It's Andy. It's Andy, right.

My mistake. I think I was trying to say Andrew I don't know but uh close enough he's great the show is great he's routinely charming and Terry Crews is great and every character is awesome uh it's my new thing now I watch it and it's easy to keep up with you don't even have to give it your full attention yeah it's got a huge following on reddit I have noticed that so it almost got canceled or it did get canceled but then the community kind of outraged and they decided to uncancel it and i'm watching it that's like kind of how i got to know of it and i can see why everyone like raged about it because it was pretty cool is it a show like uh trailer park boys of the office like a mockumentary or is it like regular show it's a regular show it's a mindless comedy

but i somehow still like the characters and it's no there's tons of great mindless like parks and rec is a mindless comedy and you can watch that and enjoy it and pay it five percent of your attention and just look up and laugh when you know fucking april or andy says something funny for me it's in the same league as like a Parks and Rec or Scrubs or a 30 Rock. Like, you know, mindless comedy, but I like it. I don't know. I watched one episode of 30 Rock and I don't know what the character's name is, but he annoyed me. The skinny white guy with straight hair who seems like somebody's bitch yeah yeah he plays like a tour guide or something in it oh that guy with the southern accent he's that guy yes he is like i've seen him in a few things and there's something about his face that i just hate

dirty rock is really good i think if i recall it took a season or two to really find its groove you know before they they started getting good. But I like that show a lot. I don't watch it much, but it's good. Yeah, I like Dave Chappelle. Or not Dave Chappelle. What's the black guy? Oh. Black guy.

Tracy Morgan. Tracy Morgan. That is who it is, yeah. Tracy had that horrific car accident where the Walmart truck hit him a couple years ago. He got it back. He had that great joke. He's like, everything at Walmart prices up by one penny because of me.

It's not 98 cents anymore. Now it's 99. You look. He's apparently like a real live maniac, like a very difficult person to be around. Not that he's unlikable or anything. Just he's like, you know what? I need my fiji waters or like whatever the fuck he would say like just demanding things all the time being crazy uh he was the one who years back was like you know if

my son was gay i would fucking stab him and everybody was like, that's so offensive and terrible. And he's like, I wouldn't really stab him. I'm joking. I'm going to stab him with my dick in his butt because he'd like it. Why are you mad? You know, Tracy, you shouldn't joke about murdering gays. It's not appropriate. No, just post rules after this. His Stern interviews are filthy.

He just goes on these tangents, and you can't separate reality from him doing a bit. He just mixes it together. He'll tell you, like, yeah, I used to live on this street and that street, and then one time I was jerking off in the car with my big 10-inch cock, and a police lady comes

over, and he police lady comes over. And he blends an actual story about things that we know happened because they're historical events with insane shit. And it's always dirty. He's always talking about how he likes – I like my wife's stretch marks. Yeah, stretch marks threw me on. A big floppy pussy. He's just disgusting talking about smelling buttholes and stuff. He's gross.

He's crazy. Yeah, I'm not familiar with his work that much, but I like him. He seems like a fun guy to hang out with. Yeah, just a real madman. Yep. I want to go peek at the hurricane. I'm going to go look and see what it's doing outside.

Yeah, go check it out. This guy sent me a message in the AMA thing. He says, bro, could you help me with erectile dysfunction? I'm 21. It doesn't make sense. Now, sir, how much are you masturbating? Because if you're masturbating five times a day, it's probably that. Well, I would definitely recommend a chemical solution.

Well, before you go to a chemical solution, make sure it's not a self-induced thing where you're just beating your meat so often that when a real chick shows up, you can't get hard for it. You don't want that. That's why porn fucks some people up like people who get like addicted to porn and then like real life sex comes around and they're not able to perform because they're like so in their head with like these fantasy lands that they've lived in like that like that's a real thing like if you guys don't believe me out there look it up like like people who look at porn constantly like porn is fine i think in moderation but like if you're looking at porn often like it's it's not very good for you it's not a very good uh uh it's not good for your love

life as far as not being a total degenerate hmm i uh he says sometimes three times a day on average but on this day with my girl i didn't at all yeah but you probably did three times a day on average. But on this day with my girl, I didn't at all. Yeah, but you probably did three or four times the day before. And so, of course, you're not going to be horny the next day. You haven't let your reservoirs fill back up, my friend. You haven't let those reservoirs fill. Let your reservoir fill. You dirty bitch.

You dirty bitch. You dirty bitch. You dirty bitch. If you jack off tomorrow, I'll find you, and I'll cut one of your fucking toes off. Let me add that. If you jerk off tomorrow, We're giving advice to someone who's having erectile dysfunction.

I'm really getting a little... Taylor will cut off your toe. Okay. Well, I told him. My advice, of course, is my advice is to get cialis go to the fucking doctor bro what if you tell him if he doesn't go to the doctor that always seemed like a cool way to get laid really a sex therapist wants to fuck you wait that's not what they do no are you sure you don't go to a hundred thousand percent sure you're thinking of a prostitute you were about to pay

for an appointment that you did not know what you were getting i would have been so disappointed be like i'm a sex therapist the best part of this is the coming right two hundred dollars an hour i sent her my flaccid penis right away. She did not respond well. Then I went in there, dropped my pants first thing, called security on me. Like no, they provided... He acted surprised that I showed up in a robe.

It's like, you know, like a marriage counselor doesn't marry you, right? And by the same token, a sex therapist, you know, doesn't fuck you. I wonder what a sex therapist, you know, doesn't fuck you. I wonder what a sex therapist's advice is. Like, what's their go-to kind of advice? Because I would imagine they talk to couples, right?

Sex therapists? No, I'm right on this. Sex therapists sometimes have sex with their people. They turn into surrogate partners, people who help patients with intimacy issues using a hands-on approach. This can include sex with the patients. It's right here on Fox News. Well, I mean,

this is a... I had no idea this was a possibility. This is a tiny aberration amongst sex therapists industry. Like, the rest of them are, like, licensed therapists. They're, like, psychiatrists. Kyle, this is one of the few articles in the news where there's no reason for anyone to have a bias in reporting it. They're like psychiatrists. Kyle, this is one of the few articles in the news where there's no reason

for anyone to have a bias in reporting it. Oh, see, this is different. This is about surrogate sex partners. This is about when a husband has become a quadriplegic and he can't get up, so they bring somebody in to bat for him. Is that what this is? Yeah, surrogate sex partners.

Help them control their sex partners and improve their sex lives. But some patients need more than talk therapy. They need practice in the bedroom, and they have no spouse or partner to turn to. For these patients, some sex therapists turn to surrogate partners, people who have patients with intimacy issues using a hands-on approach. This can include having sex with the patient. So it looks like there could be... It's mostly what Kyle was claiming, but it looks like there might be some cases.

Sign me up. there could be it's mostly what kyle was claiming but it looks like there might be some some cases if there's a doctor somewhere and i'm picturing dr melthy from the sopranos who's gonna like i'm gonna be like yeah that's still no no i got all these intimacy issues etc etc give me a hand job and she's gonna be like 50 an hour yeah i assumed that that's cheaper than the other girl i was paying and just like i mean i'm hoping insurance covers all this getting laid. Oh my god, what if that's true? What if there's just a $10 copay and she blows you? Now I will not settle for any insurance plan that does not

cover you getting your crank waxed twice a month minimum. My wife needs satisfying. That would be his angle. I know all of you out there have your wives that you can't please. And so, you know, we're all just like me,

Bernie. And so you need someone out there with a little help, and that's going to be covered by the 1%. Who is not me, despite my three homes. Medicaid. to be covered by the one percent who is not me despite my three homes medicaid i feel like he just drops words in sometimes kind of like trump like all the really old politicians i feel like uh like it's almost like scrabble sometimes where they'll like just throw spicy words in do we need a little more ageism in our electoral process? I couldn't get behind

that more. We absolutely do. These 70 these octogenarians. I saw one article that was like, Hillary is thinking about coming back again. Septuagenarian, yeah. They're like, oh, Hillary is thinking about coming back and running again in 2020. And it was like, dude, if Trump hadn't gotten elected this time,

I wouldn't want his first turn to be next time. That's an old man. He's our old ass. Could she be making money? Cause I feel like Santorum and I forget if it's Al Sharpton or someone else. They used to run again and again and again. Was it Sharpton?

And I think they were making money. I think they were just getting tons of donations, which in some way would eventually become their own money. And it was just an industry to run because hillary's run twice already does she think she's gonna win the third time like i have no like at the very like i feel like if she showed up at a democratic a dnc you know primary or something like i feel like at this point all the democrats would be like fuck you get out we you're you are the biggest loser in the history let me repeat this hillary you are the biggest loser in the history of american politics fuck you we don't want you we want someone better and not you either biden you 79 year old man like we need somebody back

the democrats felt really lucky when Hillary and Obama ran. They were like, I like my first and second place choice. That was the feeling. And there wasn't really, I don't remember who was in third that race. It was them. The Republicans this time around, there were 16 or 17 candidates. And it seemed like amateur hour, didn't it? There was some pros on the Democrat side, like Bernie and Hillary, and then just a cast of nobodies on the Republican side. That is what the Democrats are going to bring next time around.

Next time around, the Democrats are going to have like 22 candidates, all of whom think they can beat Trump. And depending on where things are, could be right. Who knows? And yeah, like the economy is great, but the approval rating is terrible. I don't even know where that stands for him next time around. The economy's great, but the approval rating's terrible. I don't even know where that stands for him next time around. Nothing bodes better for Trump than if they do that,

and especially if there are very far-left candidates that make it into the later rounds, some of the Democratic Socialist candidates. If those guys get in there and start pushing each other, and that person starts pushing the more moderate Democrat farther and farther to the left, and he's like, oh, you're going to give everybody Medicare and Medicaid? I'm going to give Mexico Medicare and Medicaid.

They deserve it too. I'll give you Medicare. And we're going to pay for it. Yeah! Dude, I wish the wall's been a topic lately, right? Trump has said that he wants the wall, but he's going to wait until after elections to really lean on that idea again

because it's somehow not a winner. I don't know. But I wish the Democrats would say, you can have your wall. I approve it right now. Just get Mexico to pay for it. There it is. I give you- I thought you were going to say, don't run again. Oh, no, no. I feel like if they said that- Yeah, he would break that promise. It would be a big reminder. And you're like could have your wall just keep your campaign promise let mexico pay for it and do that he wouldn't do i mean he can't get funding for a wall now because he doesn't even have enough republicans who want it like like there's lots of republicans who don't want a wall but uh but he is yeah like the democrats like i totally agree with what kyle's saying like it. It will end bad for them, I think, if they have a gaggle of people

and it ends up like, oh shit, now there's one pretty moderate Democrat and four hardcore leftist socialists. That will not bode well, because I would imagine the Democratic Party itself would be like, fuck, we gotta make

sure this moderate wins. The superdelegates are gone did you guys i probably you might know but not some listeners must not this the if you don't know in the democratic in the democrat process democratic whatever they um they had these superdelegates and they were like a third of the total vote so usually one or two candidates started halfway to the finish line and that is gone now there's no super delegates unless there's like a tie and no one gets enough delegates so that was part of the way they uh they kind of fucked bernie yeah bernie looked like he was way behind like at it like bernie

comes in he wins vermont right so he gets whatever it is there are 12 delegates or something and all of a sudden he's behind like 309 to 12 because she had all the superdelegates and it looked like he was getting trashed. Well, I think that's good for the DNC then. So at least like the voters, they will have some degree of confidence. Like, hey, my vote here actually matters. It's not just going to be overridden.

Like, cause like that was a thing that was weird with the 2016 election where they're like, pay no attention to crowd sizes pay no attention to rallies hillary sure there were only 70 people here and there were 25 000 with trump and there were 25 000 with bernie but no those numbers ha t t no nothing no no no it was like no are you serious like for your own party hillary's pulling fucking nobody. Bernie is energizing the populace. Bernie had insanely big crowds and they tried to act like that was not indicative of a groundswell under him as opposed to Hillary.

Like they, like that was a very silly thing of them to, Oh, Trump, Bernie, those size crowds. Ah, people are just coming up for the show or maybe they really liked Bernie and

he would have been our better chance. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It would have been a neat race to see because he's further to the left it would have been fun to watch polar opposites like like yeah you'll have a hard time like bernie seems thoughtful and intelligent trump seems the opposite of that neither one of them are thoughtful and intelligent what's interesting about bernie is he won't do anything to win. We've seen that. We've seen him say, Hillary, I'm hearing so much about your emails.

I don't care. And Trump was like, Bernie's making a mistake over there. He's giving her a pass on the email thing. And it turned out, at least electorally, that was a mistake. It was. Bernie should have fucking hammered her on, like, you're an establishment politician. You've been here for 40, almost as long as I have, frankly. But you've been here for a while, and you've made a lot more waves.

Your foundation is corrupt. It's a pay-for-play organization. This will not happen under the sanders administration like he could have played that up so much and like taking all those like on the fence democrat voters to be like you know what i bernie may be a little extreme for me in some ways but at least i know he's not a clinton at least he seems more on the up and up than these people like yeah i i would have he should not he gave her such a pass yeah i you know we we've discussed in length all their issues with some of bernie's policies you know it just i don't know how you pay for for the silliness that that he proposed the free college etc etc etc but fuck if

i would not prefer him over hillary hillary clinton like i i just feel like she's i don't have to go into a whole hillary thing but i don't care for her for for a thousand reasons well i don't think anyone oh my god hillary fan would say that they don't think bernie is a better person than hillary like despite any policy thing have you ever seen the clip when norm mcdonald is on the view or something like that with like barbara walters and uh he he claims he makes the statement that Bill Clinton is a murderer and they all flip their shit and start going after him. That's such a norm thing. I love it.

Oh my god. It's absurd. He's like, yeah, yeah, I thought that was pretty well documented. The murderer. And they're just like, they do not care for it. If you don't hate Barbara Walters now, you will go from zero to hitler in three seconds flat you will absolutely despise this woman by the time you hear see how she reacts

to this like all of them all of all of the chicks on that on that show i don't think i'd like that claim either because he didn't like is it the vince foster thing that discredited conspiracy theory i have first of all the clips from like the 90s or something maybe early 2000s like it's bad quality video quality anyway and you know he's being i feel like he's being silly right like he's not like it's important that everyone knows that this clinton he's yeah you know he's a murderer whatever like kind of slips that in there and they flip their shit they lose he likes great he is he is such a troll and in an age where comedy is so neutered and pussified right now, I like a guy like Norm.

I don't like his PC. Who is willing to poke and prod and piss people off. And it's like, that's what comedy used to be. Like speaking, as Ben said, truth to power. And sometimes speaking non-truth to power to get them to rile up and reveal themselves for who they really are the kind of people who are vindictive and will do anything to crush you if you say something they don't like like norm is hilarious i'm so glad he has his own show now or hopefully he doesn't lose it you're selling me on it like i like the concepts that

you're putting out there but then when i actually watch norm take six and a half minutes to say something he loses me i'm just like oh my gosh it took you so long to get there that's fair enough because like his style of comedy isn't for everyone like when i watch him tell a four minute joke on jimmy fallon or conan and it's clear that jimmy fallon and conan are so uncomfortable because they know like all right we gotta we gotta keep this moving and norm he doesn't care. He's gonna keep going right on his own. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah.

Like, he'll intentionally, like, lose his track and make them like, no, you're talking about the butterfly that you were doing? Oh, yeah, I forgot where I was. Okay, anyway, the butterfly is in the office. Like, it's just such a troll. I love Norm. I just realized that I found the clip and Julie Chin was on the view at

the at the time i think that's uh less moonves his wife have you been on purpose is that uh yeah yeah yeah you know i skipped a bunch of silliness uh it's um but um have you been following the less moonvest thing you know that the guy was running fucking uh cbs i guess or abc i'm gonna say it's abc guy makes they said how much money he was making per year it's right at half a billion it's right at half a billion dollars a year they fired him because of all the sexual allegations that have come out these women uh clay you know he's been forcing women to to blow him and stuff and meanwhile his wife is on the talk now which is one of these like middle-aged lady girl power shows where they went ham on

Louis C.K. and all these guys. Their first episode came out the other day. She couldn't attend. She took a little time. A little personal time. Is there more details to know about that?

Can we watch this clip? Sure, I'd love to watch the clip. I'm queued up at 1.33. 3, 2, 1, play. Yep, I'm good. You like George Bush, don't you? I love George Bush, man. He's a good man, decent, you know, none of this... Yeah, he's, uh,

you know, he's not a liar, a crook murderer, or anything like that, so it'd be good to get the, see, I think we should get the homicide out of the White House and get like a fresh start. Because we don't want any more murderers. I think we should just go on to the next question. Who are the murderers?

Oh, Clinton, he murdered a guy. Yeah, you know, we're not allowed to. You're not allowed to. No, we're not. That's a little too far. That's the way it does work. Let's just go on to the next question. Yeah.

This is not my week. What can I tell you? Oh, it's not mine either. I'm being very nice, okay? I'm being a good boy. Now, Norm. Do you never hear that? No.

Listen, we don't need to talk about that. I don't want to get into this, and I don't want to hear it, and this is not the place to make those accusations, and you're supposed to be funny. Let's get on with the next question. So get with it. Listen, we don't need to talk about this. And I don't want to hear it, and this is not the place to make those accusations. And you're supposed to be funny. Let's get on with it. Exactly. So get with it.

There you go. This is a live show. So uncomfortable. But you have been properly chastised by Barbara. So I'm now going to ask the next question. I thought it was a matter of record. Shut up. He's trolling him. It's funny.

Let's do this, okay? I'll tell you what's a matter of record. You will not be invited back if you don't shut up. All right, now. He's trolling him That's funny Double down He doubled down The phone is ringing. I certainly hope that's somebody calling to tell you to go home. You've got a phone ringing. He's just dragging it out. Answer the phone. Hello?

Oh, yeah. Oh, no. The thing is this. You know Matt Strauss? Yeah, the producer. The producer. He told me it would be funny. He said, like, why don't you carry a cell phone on

and then let it ring and then pretend like there's a guy on it. Is there anybody on it? No, it's a thing. Pretend that. You know what, Norm? You're a dead man. Is it the end here?

Yeah, you talk to him, Norm. You know what, Barbara? You know what you said about rage and war? Give this man a pint of soup and tell him to shut up! Is there more to this? They just berate him for the next, what, two minutes? All right, we can stop that one.

Yeah, they're just annoying and rude for the next three minutes. All right, manslaughter. I could see that he was funny, but he triggered me a little too. See, that's what's so funny about it. Yeah, yeah. I have to admit it. I thought it was a matter of record.

They're like, stop it, stop it. They're trying not to fight him, right? They're trying to be like, just like telling bullshit lies that conspiracy theorists fall for. And, you know, he just kept, like, bringing it up again in his typical slow pace,

taking forever to do his thing. And, eh, it's Norm MacDonald. I don't think he was ever on The View again. I wouldn't doubt it. You know, if he was on The View again, he would do the exact same thing. Oh, yeah, he'd bring it up. He'd bring it up.

Yeah, he totally would. That's why he got booted off of the SNL, like, newsroom or, like, weekly update would do the exact same thing oh yeah he'd bring it up he'd bring it up yeah he told you like he got booted off of the snl like newsroom or like weekly update or whatever he was doing because they kept telling him like stop stop saying like really awful things no it's okay all of your update yeah it was oj that was one of the main things but he did quite a bit of other stuff like in the midst of that but i think what did you say that the producer of snl was like friends with oj one of the nbc executives is very good friends was very good friends with oj simpson golfed with him and shit you know it when asked publicly he maintained of course oj's innocent etc etc and he went in and put the squeeze on um on the what's what's

i always skip fucking the guy who runs SNL that always has... Lorne Michaels. And had him fired. And then, of course, Norm comes back a year, maybe two years later, and he's hosting the show. And he just kind of roasts him in his opening monologue. Norm's a good guy.

What did he say in his opening monologue? Where he was like, you know, they fired me because I wasn't funny enough. And now I'm hosting. That must mean the rest of you guys suck. Yeah, he's like, I got a lot funnier. Or this show sucks. Yeah.

Fucking great. He's one of the few comedians left who genuinely doesn't give a fuck. Because there are so many who pretend to not give a fuck. But Norm truly doesn't. And that's what I like pretend to not give a fuck but like norm truly doesn't and that's what i like so much about the dude i like that i feel like he's financially secure and that's part of why he can not give a fuck you know to me joe rogan is kind of that way

too you know he he works at his own pleasure joe rogan he likes to do the podcast so he does the podcast the ufc stuff he's like know what? Only give me the best fights. I'm not really interested in traveling for all your shit. Get someone else to do the fights that aren't cool. Joe's also like mushrooms in that he absorbs whatever flavor is around him. On his podcast? Yeah, on his podcast. So a guest who's more left-leaninganing like jimmy door who's a very funny

guy uh he'll be more similar to jimmy door then he'll have some right-leaning comedian on and be more similar to him which you know you can make the argument that's just being a good conversationalist which i prefer that he does that because you don't want like a contentious conversation bogged down in minutiae 24 7 but also like it would be fun if he challenged his guests more and i'm not like i'm not a big joe rogan listener so maybe somebody can link me to a bunch of times when he did but it doesn't seem like he does is that kind of the impression you were getting what it looked like yeah like i was processing it like at first i was like yeah i completely agree i completely agree uh yeah now i would say he only challenges the ones that are full-on wackadoo

right the ones who are saying stuff that's just like you've lost a touch with reality you're saying shit that we can't buy at all then he'll probe them a little bit and ask you how can that be but yeah and he does kind of he's left when the left people are on he's definitely right you know he's right but uh i mean to say he's right on the political spectrum. But he will go left of center if the guest does too. I think he personally is left of center with his right point being free speech stuff. And gun stuff.

Because he's like, gun stuff, free speech stuff. But other than that, he's pretty left. Pretty left with the marijuana. Abortion, other than that, he like, he's pretty left, pretty left with the marijuana, abortion, marijuana, gays, uh, trans people or whatever.

Like, I actually don't know what he thinks about trans people, but like for the most part, he seems like it's hard to tell. Not like not super far in one direction or the other, but it was ferociously pro Trump. And then I'm like, but who was the guest?

Right. He might've just been absorbing that guy's flavor. When I formed that opinion. He may have been. I don't remember him being ferocious. I remember him doing like the whole, I remember him being very anti-Clinton from a political one I listened to him,

where I was like, and that was like a trend through a lot of places during that election. It was like people bonded more on the hate of Hillary Clinton than they did on the love of Donald Trump. Yeah. I have a really funny Joe Rogan clip here. It's like a minute or two long. It's him talking about chimpanzees or apes

or something like that. I watched this today in my car, and I was just laughing my ass off. Him and chimps. Dude. I love it. All right. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a good chimp clip ready set play you're lame in general though man what's last night with the zoo i went to

san diego zoo that line was pissing on everybody dude if chimps were everywhere and they had full freedom the way people do fucking serious problem fucking serious problem. This music is going to Why do you always like clips with music? Did you not notice it had music on it? Do I have to talk over the whole fucking thing? I don't know. We'll just stop it.

You always like clips with music. Every show, just music after music. I watched it today in my car and my phone and I didn't consider that there was music. I just remembered that it was Joe Rogan talking about apes taking over the planet and ripping babies apart. We're going to go without missing a beat. I got a video right here. No music, Woody.

Thanks. There's literally music in it. Oh, no. You can just mute this one. Okay. It's like a 7-eleven uh security cam footage and basically what it shows before we play is uh three people in the store one store manager the guy in that gray pullover and immediately when you click it click play you'll notice the guy in the green

pullover there with the longer hair like starts stumbling over and just crashes into a merchandise stand because he's having like a brain aneurysm or like some problem that needs immediate medical attention or he will die. The title says heart attack. Yeah, or a heart attack. Okay, and you have to watch and see what these customers do because you know the obvious response. Yeah, to help your guy.

They rob him, right? Ready. Let's see. Ready, set, play. All right, gas station clerk has a heart attack. Oh, he just took a header into the water bottles. Now the customers start to run away, as you do when someone collapses helplessly.

Yeah, they check him out briefly. And then they decide to mull around and start stealing shit from behind the counter. Jumping over the counter now, trying to get money out of the till. Really, it's not their fault. I feel like the manager is his entrapment, right? He's leaving the place unguarded,

and therefore any reasonable person would just rob him blind here, right? Wow. He's engaging in Arab privilege. Oh, he knows to look under the drawer. He does. He doesn't look up under the drawer. This isn't his first robbery.

That's where the good shit is. And then he just, and then both of these both of these fucking cunts leave without helping this dude who's dying right now. He's fucking dying and these assholes steal a few bucks instead. Jeez. I'm out of words.

That's terrible. If these people both spontaneously combusted, the world would be a better place, objectively. I'm adding them to my list. Objectively. People who watch someone pass out and you just leave after stealing from them? You think this dude is the

CEO of Phillips 66? No, this is an Arab dude who probably moved here a generation or two ago and he's running a gas station trying to make ends meet and he has a fucking heart attack from the stress of dealing with assholes all day and then you fucking rob them like you good lord they would be on my list of my if when you know when i'm the evil despot not the evil despot i shouldn't lead with evil when i'm the despot of this country people like this will

be will be put in cages and their crimes hung on their necks and you'll go hey what that guy do deserve to be put in a cage and they go ah he robbed a convenience store after a poor arab man had a heart attack and he didn't help him and they'd have repeat footage there tax-funded repeat projector footage all over the city. It'd be upsetting, but people would get used to it. A violent axe. Can you imagine my city? Just violent axe projected on buildings all over the place.

Be wary. Be a good citizen. I was Googling, hoping to find that they'd been caught, because they're on camera pretty good. And I feel like if I knew them, especially them as like a pair that hung out together, that they'd be super easy to spot. But I'm not seeing anything that says...

It's two days ago it happened. I'm not seeing anything that says that they've been identified yet. You know, you can only hope and pray they get hit by a car. I wonder if there's been any progress made with the thing with Dr. Disrespect and the people drive by shooting his house.

I would stop if I was those people. You know, I think it's happened twice now. And I bet that there's surveillance or like I bet there's something happening to catch those people because it's no joke to shoot in the man's house. Yeah, sure. Yeah, there's absolutely cameras out there now like if you were the chuckle fuck out there shooting at dr disrespect's house if you do it again you're gonna go to prison all right that that's such a ridiculous thing to do i don't i don't get it i don't get it doesn't he have a young child in the house pretty sure yeah what a fucking asshole how long should

you go to prison by indiscriminately and purposely firing into a home where a young child is? Might call that attempted murder, like some sort of, or something like that. I don't know. What did you get for? Five years. I say five. That was the number I had in my head, too.

More than that. Dude, do you know the kind of person you have to be to drive by a place and fire indiscriminately into a home? With the knowledge there's a child with no priors. Five years is the first number that pops into my head. If he's got priors, right? If this guy's is a kind of a routine troublemaker,

then we can talk about a long time. You know where he, I think I just like, even with no priors, like you have, like there's no state, like there's no frame of mind. Just like if I mean, even with no priors, there's no frame of mind. I've never done cocaine, but if I did cocaine, there's no way it would make me want to shoot into someone's home. Or if I got really drunk or really high.

There's no excuse other than maliciousness. So it's not... I see that differently as a first offense. It's not being like, all right, you're you were you were caught with some weed you're not selling it you know you're you're just a pothead okay like let you off with nothing but like this isn't like that it's not an accidental thing he purposefully did something that could kill someone i think the thing that makes it um so bad to me is that like it's one thing to be joyriding and shooting a gun at a house.

That's a horrible thing. That's five years. But maybe the fact that he clearly targeted this guy. He knew who he was going after. He knew that there were children in the house. He certainly did. He knew this guy's got a family. It's well documented. It's unlikely

that he did enough research to find out where the man lives and then went there with a gun but he somehow isn't aware that the guy has a family like i think the fact that he knows all that and that he targeted someone makes it more more of an aggravated circumstance so so maybe more serious i don't know it's it's an example needs to be set though right because you don't want your house shot at right yeah i don't i don't want to get shot at like it's kind of like uh i almost equate it to the knockout game remember that a few years ago and like it still goes on today where like some fucking cunt would run up behind someone walking you know innocently and they would knock them out and steal from them and like like you should be like If you play the knockout game, I don't care if it was a game

that your friend said was fun or something. That should be prosecuted like attempted murder. You did something that could easily kill someone. You fall from head height on concrete. You could die. It's not though. I get that there could be a manslaughter

that happens there, like an accidental killing. I get that there could be a manslaughter that happens there, like an accidental killing. And I just noticed from the Reginald Denny thing, where they pulled the guy out of the truck, they threw a brick at his head, hurt him badly, and then started dancing like it was Fortnite or something. And they said, oh, that dancing proves it's not attempted murder. If you're actually trying to kill someone, that's why they got off.

This is settled law. I know, but there's no such thing as settled law. Well, no, that's why the Supreme Court exists, because there's no such thing as settled law. They're there to overturn things that have been previously settled. But my point with Reginald Denny... They constantly say that's settled law

and they won't see it. They'll say that, but they also constantly will overturn things that have been previously settled. Anyway, let's not get bogged down in that. The important thing with this is that we all hate the same

people. When you knock somebody out, maybe not attempted murder, I'm not an attorney, but what would that be like? Second degree murder? Or a second degree attempted murder i'm not an attorney but like what would that be like second degree murder or a second degree attempted murder you're you're reckless endangerment in that case the case i know something about they said that it was a classic overreaching of the prosecutor right the prosecutor tried to get attempted murder under this guy and he ended up getting off totally free because what they could do is they could charge him with attempted murder, aggravated assault

and simple assault. But if you do that then a jury might be like I'll give him the aggravated assault. So they said attempted murder or Scott free. You're forced to decide. And they chose Scott free because he overreached with the charge. That's how

that works. I guess I'm more speaking like you're more right not like how the dumbass legal system works you're like morally it should be attempted murder i think is where you're coming from yeah i'm more justice based in this where it's like clearly you punch somebody in the side of the head from behind and you watch them pass like get knocked out and crack their head on the fucking pavement and then you take their phone and leave for them to bleed out from their head wounds.

Yeah, that's savagery. It's funny. I'm on the other side of this and it applies to the McSorley thing, right? McSorley hit that guy and then, oh, people, I'm describing, this is a hockey thing. McSorley wanted to get into a fight with, help me. Oh, Lord. Well, it was Marty McSorley, to get into a fight with, help me.

Oh, Lord. Well, it was Marty McSorley, so whoever was fucking with Gretzky, right? I don't think so. It might have been, I want to say it's Brashear, was it not? I think it was another tough guy. Oh, Brashear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it Brashear? Okay. It was another tough guy. So these are two enforcers in the NHL and they were kind of messing

with each other throughout the game and code is that if one enforcer asked the other enforcer to fight they say yes that's like a hockey code and uh brashir declined he said no you know what like the way this game is playing out we've got this win i'd rather just not fight win the game and head back to the bench so mcsorley hits him he says he was trying to hit him in the shoulder with his stick he actually hit him in the head with his stick and I don't buy the shoulder thing but that's either I don't either not at all the judge said it best I'm gonna digress for a second

he's like you're a professional hockey player you did not miss his shoulder by a foot an old lady with the broom beating her carpet wouldn't miss by a foot. You did exactly what you meant to do. I didn't know he said that. That's perfect. So anyway, hits him in the head. Brashear falls backwards. The helmet enforces, used to, maybe still do, wear their helmets super loose so they can take him off and that doesn't become a problem.

His helmet comes off. His head hits the ice. And that's where the real hit happened so uh the question is like is mick sorely guilty of what went down which was a really bad hit like concussed him and caused a huge problem for brashir for a while because the pile on subsequently i think is what got him right you could be right about that. I forgot. But, yeah, I think that you're right. You know, he set off a chain of events that was terrible, but the actual event he did was just bad.

You know, he hit him in the head with the stick like, you know, like, you can't just skate away from me. You owe me a fight. And then his head hit the ice, and there was a pile-on, and Brashear got really hurt. So that kind of goes back to this. This goofus might have just been trying to scare Dr. Disrespect, right? His whole goal might be to terrorize

but not hurt the family. Is he responsible for the worst thing that could happen, like this child getting shot? Is he attempted murder of a child, right, which is all is all terrible or like i don't know how do you prosecute a guy who so recklessly endangers a family like that you're right it is complicated because like well for one like the mcsorley thing where a lot

of individuals were involved and so like when people piled on him it was like that's where the damage happened you know where his neck got hurt but with the drive-by of dr disrespect like he's the only i mean nobody knows i'm assuming right now it's just one guy driving by firing some you know shots at it like if he did hit someone it's not like he's leading a charge where there are you know ancillary elements to it who may have also like caused some damage. Like it's, it's just him, you know, like it's just that guy who might be. A lot of the law punishes based on intent, right? So, so like first degree murder, right? You get, you get strung up for that manslaughter where you're like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

You know, like I didn't mean to do that. They, they punish you much less. So it's really hard to figure out what this guy's intent was is he just a really incompetent murderer and you charge him with attempted murderer is he terrorizing a family and you charge him with whatever would be associated with that i don't know um hate crime i guess i mean it would be a crime on an individual level i hate i agree with you what like hate crimes as a whole, I don't like. All crimes are hate crimes.

Just prosecute on crimes. That's the best way to say it. All crimes are hate crimes. Nobody's been like, man, I would have murdered him more if he wasn't a white guy. Like, no, you hated that guy. Yeah, but yeah, so crimes are punished on intent. And it's really hard to get into the mind of this idiot who we all agree is

bad you know but I can't imagine what his motives are attention I was going to say jealousy perhaps yeah I would say just like hate jealousy and maybe like

a dabbling of mental illness in there. Yeah, for sure. That sounds about right. What an asshole. I like that combo. Hate, jealousy, and a little mental illness. Maybe a lot of mental illness. Do you guys set up a Christmas tree, Woody?

Yeah. Last year we did two. Real or fake? Last year they were both fake. It's not the same every year, though. Well, Jeff Bezos has solved any Christmas tree ordeals you may have. Apparently Amazon is going to ship your ass a fucking Christmas tree this year. Dude, that's probably where we'll get it.

Right? Unless it's wildly overpriced. I do like the idea of supporting local people, but I buy everything from Amazon. I will go shopping online via Google. Is it? Oh, wow. You get a tree in two days?

Dude, how much is it? How much is it? Here you go. I'm looking for the price. It says here, according to a recent study, people spend an average of 75 a tree i'm not seeing like how much this tree let's see this year the online retailer will sell a wide selection of living christmas trees ranging from two to seven feet tall uh the collection includes

fraser fur and you know okay um yeah i'm not seeing a price here but I'm sure it'll be competitive do you guys do this too do you sometimes see a thing for sale and then check to see if Amazon sells it and buy it there if you can yeah because often times other websites or retailer sales are bullshit and Amazon is just always

selling it for that price or whatever you know Amazon's shipping is just so it's so good. There's no reason to ever get anything not from Amazon most of the time. I feel like I need Amazon's customer service two or three times a year. I buy from them a lot. They always come through. They're always fantastic.

They always make it right. I love them. We're not sponsored by them or anything, but they just do me well. Ish. Yeah. Buying a tree from them? them um but i we're not sponsored by them or anything but they just do me well ish yeah i buying a tree from them man i do like the idea of supporting some local entrepreneur you know planted tree seven years ago and it's trying to make it happen but every year it feels like i get it too late you know that it's some sort of problem that you know my wife is nagging on if i could just click twice and make this problem go

away and have it show up on my front door i mean i told you like i love amazon and and all their shipping i told you the other day like i ordered a a new king size bed frame it was like two six two hundred sixty dollars they sent me two i'm ahead of the game forever with Amazon. That's two years worth of prime fees. I have that with my hand. I did this a long time ago. I got into a car accident when I was like 17. The bills to repair this hand, and it's not even that much better, was like $750,000.

For the rest of my life, I'll never pay that in insurance. I'm one of the winners, boys. You're looking at it right here. You're looking at it right here. I came out ahead in the insurance game. Yeah. You came out way ahead. I don't know.

We pay like $25,000 a year for insurance. But we're catching up a little bit. Well, 30 years worth or something like that. Yeah. I think I'm going to be ahead. We use stuff. Yeah. And it's not like that's the only thing you've ever done. I think I'm going to be ahead. We use stuff. Yeah, and it's not like that's the only thing you've ever done.

I mean, add Colin's foot into there, and you're good. And you're gold. Yeah, broke my leg in four places just 12 months ago. You know, I think I'm going to order a couple of my friends Christmas trees and not tell them. Just so they have to deal with whatever the biggest pine tree they offer is at their front door. Oh, this is going to be hilarious. Are you going to do like a $100 prank gift? Yeah.

Yeah, $100. That's a small price to pay to like order a tree to someone's house, be there when I know it's going to be delivered, and film it on my phone when they get frustrated. I wonder how much the little trees are going to be, the little two-foot tall trees, because those are definitely prankable. Those are little cutesy ones, but it would take no time to throw away. It's not a good prank. You need to make them get a handsaw out to make

sure they can get it in their trash can or something. I wish they would send a Clark Griswold size fucking tree, bro wish i wish they'd send like an 18 footer a lot of sap in there a lot of sap fucking squirrel in there too the whole the whole nine that would be great like what are you saying hey prank me man that would be that would be such a prank if you sent me a full-size christmas tree for my beautiful home that I then would set up with my children and wife. And please, not Fraser fir, anything but that. I don't really know my trees well enough. Like Fraser fir, balsam fir, blackhill spruce, and Norfolk island pines. Any of those would be fine.

What's the regular kind? I always got the Fraser fir. You had a preference on the kind of tree you'd buy? Yes, absolutely. Always got the Fraser fir. Why? What was the benefit to that? I don't know much about trees or Christmas trees or anything like that. I'm not an arborist or whatever. But when they point at the trees and like, which one do you like?

I always like the Fraser fir. I like how it looks. I don't know. I guess the shape of it, the way the limbs look, the little needles, their consistency, the color. I always went with the Fraser fir. Yeah, all the aspects of a tree. It's like the wood. Yeah, yeah.

It's kind of thicker in the middle and dense. And then on the edges, it's all pokey. A little pokey. Fun fact, you can turn those things over. A lot lot of rings i don't know what they mean but when it's good and dead you get to burn the thing and nothing burns like faster and and more fun than you know christmas tree it's great it's a little sketch like i burn stuff in this fire pit the christmas tree is a little oversized no one seems to be on board with burning the Christmas tree, yet no one stops me either.

Of course not. You may or may not have a flamethrower in your hand. Oh, Kyle, I know you like transitively fucking with people through my Twitter where like adding things like that I'm a UCB professor

and first of all, I should have been taking screenshots but I like purposefully get into like stupid arguments with blue check mark people just so that people respond and be like disregard this guy he's a gender studies professor at berkeley and things and so like dozens of those have come through and like with people liking them like the people who i respond to like he's a fucking Berkeley professor. Who cares about that? I've had another idea. I'm thinking I might change my profile to look totally normal and legit.

Apply for a blue checkmark. And then as soon as I get it, go back to exactly the way it is now. I get it. Go back to exactly the way it is now. And fuck with people with the blue check mark with the UCB professor, LGBTQNRA+. I was told whenever I got verified

that if I changed... See, it's a funny little thing. People go, LGBTQNRA+. Okay, wait. I'm sorry, Kyle. I just laughed at it. I was told whenever I got verified that if I changed, I don't remember which aspect of the profile,

that it would de-verify it or something, like maybe the description or the name or something like that. If I changed it, they would cause an issue. I think I know who you need to talk to if you actually want to get verified, though. Okay, as long as I can provide them only fake and bogus information yeah yeah for sure perfect yeah well i mean i am a lgbtq nra plus uh proponent and a professor and i also told someone like uh i was being made fun of for being a gender studies professor.

And I told them I also teach bike lock and a sock self-defense courses on the weekend. Was it done as a threat? No, it was done as, like, I'm the Antifa professor was, like, the meaning of it. Yeah. Yeah, I love watching your Twitter. Twitter is a fun place for fun people. Taylor goes on Twitter, and he'll get in these arguments with Hutch. And Hutch doesn't realize he's being trolled.

It's been a year now. He still doesn't. And I see, like, Chiz and Taylor and now, like, other guys that I know who I game with. And they're trying to see how much of Hutch's time they can waste. They rank themselves on that. Like Daniel... That's hilarious. I had no idea. Chiz is like, he just got an argument with class

for two hours. That's two more hours for class. Oh my god. Long threads. Long threads. Reply after reply after reply. And then a fan will jump in. Rep reply after reply. It's hard to even keep track of how much time of Hutch's these guys are

wasting because they like towing him. And Hutch isn't immune to the mental wear and tear that they would take on him. He breaks almost every night. They break him almost every single night. It ends in PM apologies. I didn't know they were trying to waste his time.

That's pretty funny, though, as far as Twitter trolling goes. But Chiz and Hutch, that combo is hilarious to me because I'll say something that's ridiculous, or Hutch will say something that I think is ridiculous, and I'll respond to it. And we'll have a back and forth for a little while or hutch will do the same to me and respond we'll have a back and forth and then chis will jump in and i swear to fuck the next day around like lunch i'll be like i wonder how that ever happened and i'll go back to it and i've got hundreds of notifications from chis and hutch and people battling for

sometimes four hours five hours after i sent my last thing and i'm like this is hilarious is it always politics no i mean no it's not it's like social issues politics no not necessarily politics uh oh like the most recent one was i posted a picture of that big fat fucking animal test holiday on Twitter and said how is this possibly someone make an argument to me about how this is progress this is revolting it's vile this is setting a bad example for people misconstruing their perception

of health and what is possible to maintain like this is negative how can anyone think yes I'm judging Woody by his kink as much as i hate to do so uh like i did that and then that was what our argument was about because hutch was like well i think you should not make fun of this woman as much like don't make fun of her body uh you should talk about the issue and i was like well the desperate attempts of these people to

separate body from the issue is the crux of the problem because they're saying my body isn't indicative of my health despite the fact that i'm 600 pounds just look at me as a person don't look at the grotesque traits i have that indicate a lack of health and lack of self-control and so that was my point of like you like you can't separate the body itself from the health argument they are one in the same what are you if not your body that's it oh i'm big i'm big and fat but my body's healthy no it's not your body is what it is like and that was my kind of point behind it and then we had a little tip about that you know it was cordial and then i checked back the next day and it did not remain cordial you know once uh once old chizzy poo hop said he's a hoot on twitter i love watching that not want to argue with Chiz.

Chiz will argue about the most ridiculous shit, minutiae with you for hours. For fucking hours he will go and go until he wears you down. And you're just like, you know what? Fuck you. How about that? How about fuck you? And he's just like, I won! I pissed him off! Because that was his goal the whole time he will

argue a point that he doesn't even begin to believe he'll he'll he'll argue for an hour about something he has no stake in just to fuck with you and it's only after you've replied 20 times that you're like he's fucking with me he's just fucking with me he doesn't mean any of that shit i've been I've been researching over here to prove him wrong and he knows he's wrong. He's fucking with me. It's awful arguing with chicks. That's the whole fun of Twitter

is trolling blue check mark people. I tweet things all the time just to try and get a rise. Yesterday I tweeted what did I say? I got people I said, deep down all of us know women aren't funny. Come on now, let's be adults and stop pretending. A lot of people liked it, but even more were like,

hey, you should meet some more women. 80% of my tweets, maybe 95% of my tweets. A lot of funny women out there. Oh, there's a gap there. Most of my tweets fall along a lot of funny women out there it's like oh there's a gap there most of my tweets fall along the lines of woody just uploaded painkiller already episode 404 hey but you can't forget all the classics like woody's gamer tag liked colin youtube has trained my son to like videos. So every so often, I'm liking the Try Guys. He watches the same videos a lot. And you can see he's liked them all.

He's really nice to all the YouTubers. He supports and does the things they ask him to do. But every so often, he's on my computer. So I'm liking things that I'm not watching. Just tons of minecraft content and climbing videos and tips that you don't do yeah he's a fun kid he's getting so big man he must be is he 15 he is and i think he's like 5 7 he's a little delayed on the puberty thing so you can't like try to guess to guess his total height yet.

But, yeah, I don't know. Sometimes, like, he had shoes on, and I didn't. And I was like, am I taller? Yeah, I'm taller. But I'm not sure this is going to stick. How tall is Jackie? 5'7". 5'7".

How tall is Hope, actually? She's shorter. That might be a better indicator. She's 5'4", I think. It's funny. I put in this uh calculator on how tall our kids would be and i said i was five foot and the kid was gonna be i mean jackie was five seven and they're like oh your kid will be five or six one and i'm like wait a minute she's

i'm the weak link apparently five seven is like taller in girl height than six foot is in guy height yeah so i'm the weak link in our height marriage that's how i got a little taller i think being a cunt hair over six foot is my dad's 5 10 and my mom's almost 5 10 like i think 5 9 maybe like my i have a my mom's a pretty tall woman i think that's where i was able to surge ahead right the sixes shorter than your dad but the stronger part of the gene pool yep yeah you gotta man that must be like super cool to be the kid of like a seven foot tall guy and a six foot three woman as long as you aren't born with like those like retard tall jeans where your arms get gangly and shitty like if you're born like lebron james style that'd be pretty dope

but that's but that's clearly rare by the fact that you know it that's the funny thing about the nba and i'll get hate for this but the like lebron is an all-star athlete he could be a professional in probably any sport he chose. He's a fucking – he's an athletic dude. He is super remarkable in the NBA, even more so than other leagues, because part of being a seven-foot-tall person, like the people he's competing against, is to be unathletic and gangly. Like, I watch NBA games with friends where I'm like, holy shit.

That guy's a professional basketball player and he's like bouncing like running around like a goddamn retard it's like he he has the motor skills of a six-year-old who hit an early growth spurt like do you guys not see that in the nba when i know what you're talking about i can see where you develop that it's not like the NFL. They're all athletes. Even the fat guy who's 6'4". That guy will beat you in a 40 race.

You better believe it. That guy's quick. That guy, that's a lot of fat, but that's also a lot of muscle, a lot of athleticism. Basketball is not based on your girth and your ability to shove forward. It's based on your height in a lot of ways. And that height really correlates to being not an athletic coordinated person, which is why basketball players suck cock at fucking shooting free throws. Shaq sucked at shooting free throws. He was in the NBA for two decades.

It's literally inexcusable. I hear where you're coming from, but sometimes I think that height just makes them look unathletic and gangly when they actually are and i would present this as evidence even the good ones right like the kevin garnett's the lebron james's etc they look silly while dancing they just look like bad dancers and i think it's just because when you're long limb like that you look silly dancing it makes you look uncoordinated in a way when you actually are coordinated. Woody, I'm not going to let your salient and sensible

point change my mind on this. Fair enough. Yeah, that would... I concede to your argument. Not happening. So, we talked about it for a while a few shows ago, but Call of Duty released the beta for their Battle Royale mode,

which I believe is called Blackout. Please tell me if Wings is playing it and getting pissed off already. Oh, no. He doesn't like Battle Royale games. It's, you know, for whatever reason. That's kind of the way the future looks like. Absolutely is. And so it looks fucking good, I gotta

admit. I don't want to be getting into COD again. I don't... It's not what I want to play, necessarily, but I gotta say, like watching... And it's a PlayStation 4 gameplay, and Shroud's not great with a controller. That's who I've been watching. But it looks really well polished,

and I'm sure once, on the PC version, like the looting and the other systems will be much more streamlined and better than it is on console because it's a little clunky using a controller. But what they've done is they've got a massive map, like you've got in all the other Battle Royale games, populated by Call of Duty maps. So a lot of your favorite Call of Duty maps exist in this world. And you're like, oh, well, this is a state, and and this is fucking at asylum and there's lots of them like that and and a couple of the maps within the map because it's you know free world that you're running around um it's probably from where the later call of duties but i mentioned it and it stuck in my head because it has zombies there are zombies existing in the battle royale world, but only in Asylum from what I caught from the footage I watched.

It looks fucking good. It looks fucking good, and PUBG might be in some fucking trouble. I don't know. It's going to be polished. It's going to have a good engine. If they can get it to run smoothly with little to no lag. You can check your ping now in PUBG. I got three milliseconds ping.

That's where I top out. The servers must be here in fucking Atlanta. That's a reasonable guess, yeah. Sometimes it's one millisecond for an entire game. And I'm like, my monitor might have more lag than I do with this server client right now. It's excellent. It's amazing. If Call of Duty runs that smoothly

and that low amount of lag or whatever, it's going to be a killer. And now it is going to be expensive, I think, because you probably have to buy that $130 package to do your thing, whereas PUBG is... I don't even remember what it is. $30, $20, something like that. And Fortnite's free, and SCUMM is $20.

And there's other battle royales out there and and battlefield's coming out with one but from what i understand it's gonna fucking stink because they were really late to the game and getting started on theirs whereas cod seemed to have had it planned for much longer battlefield battlefield sales were so far off they've already like pushed their release date into november i think could be wrong about that but i know they moved it but um this COD game, the Battle Royale mode of it at least, looks really fucking fun. I'm definitely

going to have to play it. Asylum's from World at War. You could call it COD 5. And I kind of didn't play that much. I played COD 4 for two years. That's kind of when I started. Yeah, the maps are all from various CODs over the years. It's weird to say maps because it's like maps within the big map that the game is played upon.

And you can freely travel from one to another. I'm not positive about that. I remember them saying something about working to get that number higher. Like maybe it was 64 or maybe it was 75 and they were trying to get it up to 100. So don't quote me on any of that. Various weapons, I believe from every Call of Duty you're in there. The ray gun is in there in multiplayer.

Like, of course, it's toned down a little bit, but it's the fucking ray gun. It's choo-choo-choo-choo when you're shooting green fucking donuts at people. The MP40 from World at War that everyone despised, I noticed that it was in there. And then just like... And I think it's just the Treyarch CODs. I should say that.

I believe... You would think that they would have access to the full catalog since Activision is publishing, but perhaps they didn't even want to utilize it because it looks to me like it's only Treyarch guns and maps that are being used. But like I said, I don't want me like it's only Treyarch guns and maps that are being used.

But like I said, I don't want to like it. I like PUBG. I like what I'm doing now. And I'm enjoying Scum to some extent. But this COD game may be the one to rule them all. We'll see. Shroud's awful at it. He's in PlayStation 4.

Is he? Real bad. That stinks. I like Sh like shroud being incredible well you know he'll be on pc when it when it comes out on pc of course yeah and he'll be incredible again yeah for sure for sure i've only watched highlight videos of him that guy's real likable to me i like that i like him a lot you know people people people dog him about his personality and i think one of the things people do yeah i think i think one of the things that people have called out is like when he does something amazing he doesn't react to it

but that's it's it's it's it's kind of like a nate diaz man diaz moment i ain't surprised motherfucker i'm just better you know he's just he's just better he's used to it he's been doing that shit for years he's he's a like a hardcore lifetime gamer from what i understand he's always played games forever on the pc so he's just fucking good is ninja really good he's like the biggest guy right yeah he's the fortnight guy and he's very good at fortnight i've seen a lot of his clips on fortnight and and again i have a cursory knowledge of fortnight i haven't played a ton of it but i know that it's difficult and i can see like i know what keystrokes are required to do certain actions and so when he's building and like having a gunfight and like you can you can look at him

be like he's not even trying that hard god damn yeah he's he's very good i've seen him pull off all kind of ridiculous trick shots and stuff like that he's very good is anyone big now that's not really good because i i would argue that gameplay used to be a third of what matters right it was like production quality gameplay and commentary now it seems like everyone crushes production quality it hardly even matters right that they're all about the same yeah gameplay is like 80 and commentary is 20 maybe look dr disrespect doesn't have amazing gameplay if you ask me maybe i'm maybe i'm wrong and i just haven't seen enough of it forgive me for saying so if that's the case but i've seen him play with shroud i've watched i watched their duos before and shroud's

like this is an awesome game you know it's two duos so teams of two he's like how many kills you sitting on doc and shroud's got like 17 or something like that doc's like, how many kills are you sitting on, Doc? And Shroud's got like 17 or something like that. Doc's like, don't worry about it. He's got none. He's got none. And maybe that was an aberration, a fluke or whatever. But on the whole, Doc is the guy I feel is like 70% persona and his whole outfit is custom made. And he's got his own l's got his own lingo and his own like group of fans and it's very entertaining and he reacts when something amazing happens really well and he reacts

when something bad happens really well it's extremely entertaining that's why he's gonna be around and successful after we're talking about shroud which shroud okay that's why dr disrespect is going to be around and successful after Shroud has faded away. Because Shroud will eventually come to a point where he's not that... This is speaking from someone who has no idea about this community. Don't take it seriously. I'm just saying that from the perspective of maintaining an audience, it's much, much easier to do so if you're based solely on personality as opposed to gameplay when the games are constantly shifting.

Because if you're... If the anticipation of your playstyle is going to be perfection, and you back off of that, and that's 90% of your pull, people will lose interest. Like, you were the ace. You were the guy that murders and mercs everybody else. Whereas Dr. Disrespect,

he's going to be the same funny fuck. I think they'll all be for the same reason. Here's my prediction on this I'm no Notre Damas Notre Damas I think I might be mixing it up with the hunchback but anyway Bobby Bacala

there's a whole episode of Sopranos where Bobby Bacala does this with Tony he's like you never consider that because Notre Dame they got like the quarterback in Notre Dame and the halfback, and the hunchback. And the hunchback. Anyway, I'm not... Nostradamus.

What? Nostradamus. I might have said that. Or Nostradamus. Well, anyway, I'm no gypsy fortune teller. But I bet they both leave for the same reason, and it is they've made enough money, and their passion is gone.

That's what eventually they're just going to be like, you know what? I think three times a week is fine for me. I have $10 million. Why am I grinding this game in a dark room against my own depression? Go ahead. Shroud streams, I think, 60 hours a week every week and without fail he gets up like like one of his main sponsors is uh a coffee a kind of coffee because he's always drinking coffee because he's always grinding and and i think that if ninja shroud or doc ever stop doing what they're doing

it will be like you said because they've piled up enough tens of millions of dollars because like i'm sure ninja has tens and tens of millions at this point and i'm sure i know doc has well has tens of millions of dollars i'm sure shroud is on the fucking way you can look at shrouds like top donators and there was one guy a lot of them are in the tens of thousands and these are just random individuals these are just the top ones. I've seen him make $20,000 in a gaming session, shit like that. And you see how he lives. He's not being extravagant because he's there fucking working most of the time. I think he just bought a house. He's heads down.

He's collecting money. And at some point, he's just going to be like, more money doesn't make me happier. This isn't where it's at for me. And I think that's where it'll end for him. I think he loves what he's doing. He definitely loves gaming. And the thing about Shroud, it's not like he's just good at PUBG.

Didn't you? Didn't I? At some point, you don't as much. I think that he likes... It's not that he's just good at PUBG. He was a professional on CSGO, on Counter-Strike. He wasn't the best in the world, but he was in the maybe top 25, top 50, top 100,

something like that. Every time I talk about that, somebody gets mad. He was actually 86th best in the world! All right! Jesus Christ! Sorry to those other 86 professional CSGO players out there. I didn't mean to throw him under the bus. But what he's good at is fucking clicking on things he's good at fucking clicking on things accurately and that applies to every fucking video game there's ever going to be when you see him there's no i've never

seen him play a game and not excel at it like when he plays these like startup br games whether it's realm royale or it's there was one that was kind of like mad max he immediately starts showcasing that same amount of skill of clicking on people's heads instantaneously before they can fucking react. And he'll win his first game. He's like, all right, first game of Realm Royale. Let's go. I win.

You know, just whatever game he plays, he's great at. Yeah. Yeah. I bet there's some games that he's not better at. Like at Shroud, if you're watching this, me, you, Peggle, it's on. Yeah. Like if he went to a game that wasn't his like like like a like a um like like world of warcraft or like um um league of legends

or something like that he's probably not i don't know maybe he is maybe that's what he does in his spare time but like probably not peggy's like crazy high level i think is that the one where like yeah yeah like like everything goes crazy yeah yeah it's like plink almost like you shoot a disc or something in some direction and it just bounces and bounces and bounces and oh i've been i've been playing a game let me make sure i get the name right i think it's called um golf with friends or something like that yeah golf with friends it's called golf with your friends man sounds like a blast it's it really is it's a lot of fun every you know you're playing mini golf it's like like like putt putt but crazy

like you know it's virtual so they can do anything they want these crazy courses and we play like four or five of us at a time and uh there's a mode where everybody has a golf ball of course you can do that or then there's a mode where like it's random shit you never know what your ball is gonna be it'll be a cube an acorn a christmas ornament something's gonna roll funny and be annoying an egg shit like that that's a fun concept i like that so we've been playing that and then the other game that we uh we uh we played a little bit the other night and then midi midi was streaming it is hand simulator oh I've seen that before. Is that a masturbating thing? It's older, I think. Hand Simulator is a $2 game, all right? You use your mouse and keyboard to control two hands.

Every finger, complete wrist rotation, and it's awkward as fuck. And we play this game mode where we're all sitting in like a Wild West card room and there's a gun on the table. And you have to get that gun and load that gun and aim that gun and shoot someone and that is such a goddamn challenge and you're just like every now and then you're just like all right let me try again meanwhile i look over there and one of our friends who's like played the game a ton

he's holding the gun he's like i won't kill you guys i'll just wait till somebody figures it out and like he's got the gun loaded and in his just getting the gun in your hand is hard getting the and there's one mode where you got to put the bullets in the revolver and then close it and cock it and like each of those motions you're just like so are you doing this as a mouse and keyboard mouse and keyboard like you you you switch hands with shift go left or right and then then ASDF are those fingers. They correspond to those fingers in the game. And then the space bar is your thumb, and you sort of try to grab something,

and then you're like, all right, shift, lock that in. Now he won't let it go. And you go to your other hand, and you're trying to get the magazine into that gun. It's infuriating to play. And there's a lot of game modes there's one where you're like in a tank and so i'm the gunner and one of my hands is like moving the scope and the other one is like firing and reloading and then the other guy's trying to

drive the tank and we're facing off against other teams of two who are also incredibly awkwardly trying to drive and shoot tanks it's it's a blast because everybody's bad at it and it's really fucking hard. Sometimes you'll get in this weird position where it looks like you've got cerebral palsy with the gun, but it'll work. You're just like, bang! Bang! Like shooting it with your pinky while you hold it down on the table flat

and spinning it on the table to try to shoot it. It's pretty fun, and for $2. Sounds frustrating. Super frustrating. That's the whole point, I think. to shoot it it's it's pretty fun and for two dollars sounds frustrating super frustrating that's the whole point i think is it like uh that game quop people used to play is that what it's called the whole time we're like you're supposed to run but it's super hard to hit the keys in the right order and so you end up like making two steps and then tilting back and falling over i beat quop i didn't know why everyone acted like it was so impossible to beat.

Oh, I never played. I just saw probably like a PewDiePie video from eight years ago, or whatever it was. Remember Mount Your Friends? We played that game. Yeah, that game was fun. Equally awkward. Not quite as awkward to play as this hand simulator game,

but very much. You're just like, come on, let go, let go. Just, oh no. And then he tumbles off and falls into no man's land. I like those little games like that. And they're so cheap. Steam's a great thing.

I'm upset that a lot of the big releases are trying to get away from Steam because I think they take like 30% of the money or something like that. So the new Fallout game that's, the beta releases in October, I believe, for Fallout 76, the multiplayer Fallout. It's on Bethesda.net. You got to go there to get it.

And I believe this Call of Duty is also maybe separate. What would you do if you were Steam? Would you like back it off for the AAA titles maybe? Because I feel like if I'm hand simulator, then Steam, their promotion, their interest in me doing well could mean a lot to me. If I'm Fallout, I don't need Steam to sell this

game. Yeah. They should probably, you know, I'm sure there's people at Valve who know what's up, right? But it seems to me like maybe if they took a smaller margin, they negotiated individually with the AAA publishers or developers that they could get something done. Or maybe they promised some sort of promotion, like put it on everybody's homepage on release day or something, that that would be valuable to them, I would think.

But also it seems like with the microtransactions, everyone wants to have their cake, eat it too, and then make you order a second cake if you want frosting. to have their cake, eat it too, and then make you order a second cake if you want frosting. So they're trying to shift everything to their own website so that they can control everything from mods to DLC to cosmetics and charge a premium for it if they can. That's one of the fears that a lot of us have about Fallout 76 is that we're not going to be able to mod our game and make private servers the way that we'd like to. In my ideal world, I have a server where, where when you join it,

it's like Gary's mod and you automatically start downloading all of the mods required to get in this server. Like, like whenever I join a Gary's mod server, it's like I start downloading sometimes heaps, sometimes heaps of shit. I got fast fucking internet and it'll be like a 20 second download just to get the utilities or whatever I need to play in this world so that when I look at a guy who's wearing a Darth Vader

mask, he's actually wearing a Darth Vader mask or whatever. I wish it were like that, but I'll take what I can get. I'm going to play. I enjoy gaming talk this week. I always enjoy gaming talk Yeah, we can call it a show

Let me just get a couple of quick outros here Make sure I do the right ones That'd be great Yeah This episode is brought to you by Square Enix Terrifying Tombs Unforgiving Jungles A Mayan Apocalypse

It's Just Another Day for Lara Croft And Shadow of the Tomb Raider and also remember that when you need energy on the go and you don't have time to wait in line grab espresso monster espresso monster is a premium brand of espresso and cream made with the freshly brewed espresso coffee hormone-free milk and a unique energy blend complete with taurine and b vitamins each can is three shots of espresso and comes in vanilla espresso and espresso and cream flavors close your eyes take sip, and enjoy an espresso monster today. I should do it. Is that it? Yes, sir. PKA 404.