Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #405

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

On this week's PKA, the guys talk about the upcoming UFC event and the Conor McGregor-Khabib press conference, Taylor again gets heated about circumcision and then all of the guys join in to play a brand new game... The Guess The Offender Game, and boy is it a hoot, would the guys make excellent profilers? Tune in and find out how well they did in the game!

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Just use the code PKA at checkout when you visit eBay.com. That's A-B-A-Y.com. All right. Check them all out. Well done on the read, Kyle. Another guestless show. So we can go anywhere we were gonna have vladimir attempted rapist love but he couldn't make it he had another pressing engagement no i'm sorry that's a pre-show character the the listeners don't get that guy

okay that's one that's one that's love attempted rapist love attempted to rape a slav. Vladislav molested Slav. Sounds more natural. That's his nephew. They're a two-man act. Before the show, we spent like 15 minutes to Taylor's chagrin watching a bit of the

Conor McGregor, Habib Nurmagomedov fucking press conference. And look, I know not everybody's not a mixed martial arts fan. I know everybody's not a fight fan, a Conor fan, or anything like that. But I think everyone can appreciate a bit of showmanship. Like, I don't like professional wrestlers. But occasionally I can go on YouTube, and I can search, like, The Rock's best moments.

And just The Rock getting up there and talking shit, and, you know, be like And he talks like a mad shit. And then I'm like, what do you think? And the other guy tries to say something. He's like, it doesn't matter what you think. And you're just like, oh, fuck yeah, burn him. And that's scripted. But we're watching Conor McGregor go after Habib up there, red-faced,

screaming at Habib, calling him a rat and a weasel, insulting his patriotism, his manhood. And he's all doing it in a language he doesn't understand that well. You put the smartest Russian who's monolingual next to me, I'll beat the shit out of him in a rhetorical combative

thing, as long as it's in English. It's the equivalent of him having me there at his press conference when he's like, and everybody's like in the fucking crowd and i'm like and he's like oh this sucks this is being on the other side of this is no fun

all the while of course conor mcregor has a bottle of his own liquor in front of his two belts, and he's promoting it. He spends at least a solid minute promoting his liquor. He's holding it up, cursing Jameson whiskey and saying that this is real Irish whiskey. He's like, you know what? I need a glass. I need a glass. Can someone bring me a glass? And Dana White's like, no, don't bring him a glass.

They can bring him a whole bunch of glasses. When Conor says his own liquor liquor, Connor owns a liquor company. It's not, it doesn't mean he owns the bottles. He owns the company. So he's keeping his side business. Yeah, so he pours three shots. He gives Dana one, and Dana toasts Connor. And Habib's just sitting there.

And Connor's like, you know what? He needs a drink, too. Habib's Muslim. He doesn't drink alcohol. He's just like, no, I don't drink alcohol he's just no i don't drink alcohol i never do this and kind of like i've seen you drink i've seen you no i don't think he's like pushing it away like he almost doesn't even want to touch it like it's it's it's really entertaining we did we watched like 15 minutes of like the best part of it i'm sure it's on youtube if anyone's

interested but but good shit and i'm you know was saying, Conor can sell a fight. Kyle's right. Conor can sell a fight. Kyle and I have a $5 bet on this fight. He has Conor. I have Khabib. And I'm not sure watching that press conference that I thought Conor got the best of him. Right?

Conor was certainly the seller. Right? He did the best of selling the fight. That much is unquestioned. But he was upset. He was red in the face connor's sweating he's on tilt khabib is bored he's like fedor almost he's another fighter and uh he was just like watching him watching connor spaz out he'd ask some questions like hey i wrote to you

why didn't you write back i don't want to talk about twitter i don't want to talk about who does twitter you know it could be sliding in his DMs, talking to him about real-life shit. Conor doesn't want to do that. He just wants to do the show shit. He just wants to do the bants, which I can respect. I'm fine with him just being a banter master. He's probably getting 10% of the pay-per-view. He's trying to get

asses in the seats and people fucking pressing buy, right? You've got McGregor and Woody, you're Nergomenetov, right? You've got McGregor and Woody, you're Nermagomedov, right? Nermagomedov? There you go. Nermagomedov? Okay, so that guy, you've got him.

Like, my uneducated look, first glance, Nermagomedov has winning ears. He has the ears of a winner. The ears that have been beaten to shit. Connor has delicate little baby ears. like on a little newborn child, like he and his son's ears. If you cropped those out and put them next to each other, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

But Nurmagomedov has winner's ears. That means he's taken a beating and he knows what's up. So I'm going to throw my not $5 in his corner. This is the kind of fight analysis you can only get on Painkiller already. That's right. That's right. See, this guy stalks in a scary accent, and he's got big old ears, so I'm going to have to give him the edge. Tell Sonnen, take notes right here and now.

No, Conor's going to fucking knock this guy the fuck out. He's going to catch this guy with a left. Habib moves in one direction. He's fucking done. He's done. He's done. Conor's going to dance around this guy. Khabib's not going to be able to take him down. He's barely even going to be able to catch him.

And Conor's going to knock him the fuck out. And the crowd's going to go wild. And Conor's going to make many millions of dollars. And they'll be lucky if he comes back and fights again. It's funny. I don't know that there's ever been anyone who's better at taking his opponent to the ground and smashing him. For some reason, Khabib doesn't do submissions very much.

They just takes him to the ground and he punishes him. People don't want to fight him because it's really unpleasant. He just fucking hits you repeatedly, lightly for round after round after round until you're looking for a way out. after round until you're looking for a way out but i don't know anyone who's ever been better at like just sort of putting his hand on you keeping distance and drilling you with that left and it's the best of each world i can't wait can't wait man can't wait very excited very connor's an inch shorter and he has a four inch reach advantage yeah He has my reach and he's five nine. That's a really long reach for a five. He must look awkward as shit walking around with his hands down like below.

You've seen him do that walk, right? That silly walk where he like does his arm loopy loop. I don't trust those numbers at all. I see like two six foot guys and then they, they line up and one can put his nose on top of the other guy's head. I, I, I don't trust it. I don't trust it. You could put some of those feather wings that kids put on when they're little and Connor could fucking take off.

Alright? That man's got a wingspan. It's going to be wonderful. I'm so excited for this fight. I'd pay double. I'd pay double to watch it. You put on plastic wings as a kid to play? Yeah. You didn't do that? You didn't wear feather boas and tutus like Kyle?

He was a thong. I mean, I didn't spend much time at the local, you know, LGBTQ center like Kyle did. He was that kid at the parade 25 years ago. Yeah. Yeah, you were the... Kyle was the original transgender kid. I was known as the rainbow warrior. My outfit was half rainbows

and half Randy the Macho Man Savage. It was a mixture of my two favorite things in the world. Did you ever play pretend? Did you play imagination games? Like pretend shit? I mean, you had brothers, so maybe you didn't have to go to that as much. I just had a sister who was a fucking cunt

playing with her Barbies and shit. But I had to imagine stuff when I was seven years old and make my own fun. If I, you know, I had some video games, but you know, it was old video games. They were lame. So what would you do for your imagination games? We do a lot of like cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians. When the fellowship of the ring came out i think i was like 10 or 11 and so still young enough to like be fiddle fucking around outdoors and everything but old enough to have a little bit of like building to that and so we would do stuff like build a fortress and then have the orcs attack and we would like build our own bows and arrows and stuff and stuff.

And shoot them at each other. And kids got hurt all the goddamn time. But it was like a, you know, an understood thing with the neighborhood kids. Like if you get hurt playing Assault on fucking Hobbiton or whatever it was. Or, you know, if you want to play Minds of Moria with the cool kids. And you want to be a goblin who's storming in to that burial chamber, you know, and you have the biggest kid gets to be the cave troll. I was about to say, is there a fat kid?

And the fat kid shows up. They have a cave troll. See, I played the cave troll when I was on the assaulting side. The cave troll did not get a ranged weapon. That would be unfair. I got a large stick. And if I hit you hard enough with that stick to bring you to your knees you were dead but if i if i barely clipped you and you like got away you were not dead amazing see my it was so much fun dude my games were all imagination when i was five i would put

all my toys on the floor and they would there would be imaginary battles right i'd have and i'd separate them between fantasy and reality So on the right would be the fantasy characters. He-Man and Skeletor would join forces, all right? There'd be a ton of stuff like that. And on the left, I had my army men with their army tank, and they'd have to face off against this barrage of Ninja Turtles and Star Wars characters and shit like that. And I would just sort of make believe and make them fight,

and oh, that one died. Obviously no one beats He-Man, and go about it that way and then by the time i was like seven i would take all of my electronics and put them on the bed like a command center around me like the like video game controllers like anything that was electronic and had buttons and i would play space right i was like bubbles fucking fucking pretend going to space and operating my command mod yeah all by myself i buy myself. I don't have any bikes. Yeah. I picture 12-year-old Taylor looking a little like he does now with the full beard and jacked as fuck.

Straight edge razor and Lord Farquhar Dvor. Some of you may die. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. As he goes out there with his giant club and fucks up all the people who hit puberty at a normal time but it was like the guy he's like the guy from gangs of new york who had the club that was his weapon of choice and it had the notches carved on it from every man he killed oh it looked serrated at that point like is how many notches like we played another game in my backyard like where uh we'd carpool and there'd be a couple kids who'd always come back. And then, of course, you'd always hope, like, man, I hope my mom and his mom talk a lot so we can play outside and stuff until they go home.

And that would always happen. And so then you'd get the neighborhood kids to come over. And I was like, I said, it's not a meme. I was much bigger than other kids at the time. And we'd play a game where, did you guys ever do where you, stand in a big field you know our backyard was very large and you grab someone by the wrists and you start spinning kind of like when mario throws bowser and it's a ton of fun because you don't let go like to try and hurt someone the only time you let go is if they like slip from your grasp if you got going too quick but like usually like spin them around and you got going too quick. But like usually be like, spin them around

and like they're having a fun time, like they're on a fair ride and you're having a fun time cause you get to like lean back super far as you're holding them and pretend that you're Mario throwing Bowser off of that platform in Mario 64. And one time, or no, this happened a few times,

more than a couple of times, it would get sweaty and I would let go of the kid and he would fly off and very rarely did they get hurt but one time specifically it was a very small kid who didn't usually carpool with us and he wanted to play too not to be left out and i was so determined to not let him go to not ruin his experience of the first time you know because i want i want return customers this is fun for me and i i spun this kid so goddamn hard that one of his shoulders came out of socket. That, like, he was, like, started crying in the middle of the spin. And I was, like, in my head, I'm like, this is the fun part.

This is when you have fun. Like, all the, like, my brothers and everybody else, like, everybody's having a grand old time. Then he, like, got down and, like, holding holding his elbow went up to my mom and i got yelled at as if i did it on her pussy we did that to my daughter there's an easy fix for it you could have brought him over we'd have slapped him up it's not it so how we actually did it is she was like two and sucked at stairs so we'd hold her hand and if she fell well then she'd get like you know rescued by the arm well apparently that can damage children so uh we she like pretended to be fine she was like a real trooper through it and we're just like it's been three days of her holding her arm like this maybe she's hurt smart she says

she's not but she's not using that arm much and and the doctor just kind of took it out and like did that like like this motion and uh and she was good to go and i think it might have happened one other time my wife was like i know this one and she did that and it was fine i remember once specifically something like that happened if i told this before it was a long time ago it's not like it's long but we were at the zoo and the St. Louis zoo is, is free to go to. And it's one of the best zoos in the world. It's incredible. It's got so many species. It's, it's, it's awesome. And we were headed, uh, I was maybe, maybe four or five at the time. Uh, and my younger brother was a couple of years younger and we were on the way to the monkey

house and I was with my mom and my grandma. And I was with, uh, my mom, like pulling her like towards the monkey house. Like, come on, we got to get to the monkey house and i was with my mom and my grandma and i was with uh my mom like pulling her like towards the monkey house like come on we got to get to the monkey house we got to get i want to see the monkeys there's a whole building full of fucking monkeys and behind me my grandma and my younger brother were and my brother was throwing a fucking fit and he did that thing that kids do we're holding the hand he just goes and he goes down limp like that and in the process of doing that pulled his arm out of his socket and started freaking the fuck out 20 yards from the monkey house

the whole reason I wanted to spend my Saturday which I had no volition anyway because I was 4 was to go to the fucking monkey house and see it and I was like in my most argumentative form at 4 like well no we can't leave right now we're so close to the monkey house we have to stay just grandma and hip could right now we're so close to the monkey house no we have we have to stay no just grandma and hip could go back we could go to the monkey we can still

bob we can still go to the monkey house the monkey house is we can still mom we can still go to the monkey house and then we didn't get to go to the fucking monkey house and i i was i was livid for longer than a four-year-old should be able to be livid for like for a long time after i'm like that little bitch kept me from going to the monkey house on a hill in a wagon or whatever the hell you did you know what seven years from now i'm gonna tie you up and put you in a wagon and push you down a hill in order to exact my revenge you know i was playing the long con and a year after that we'll play wwf in the basement and i'll give you a concussion. On accident.

Never the same. He didn't have a speech impediment before. Yeah, and I understand he's got a really nice wheelchair. He does. Yeah, it's bedazzled. Cool. He doesn't care what it looks like. It knocked out his occipital lobe.

Yeah. He was going to get the flashing wheels, but flashing lights after all those head injuries are just a bad idea for him he just he goes full full seizure mode what do you guys so this is in china parents are hiring intimidating uncles these aren't these aren't really uncles they're like mob members and shit like like i know yakuza is japan but that's what he looks like to me in the picture. And they're basically when kids are getting bullied, they send these uncles in to threaten and rough up the bullies. They pay 443 U.S. dollars a day, which is 500,000 KRWs, whatever the heck that might be it was like a chaperone package where the the uncle will protest in front of office buildings and scream a parent of a bully works here shit like that hell yes

i'm loving it man oh that's great man you hire uh i wonder how competitive the the anti-bully market is for uncles oh like oh no i i'd be anti-bullying uncle for 400 a day it's like oh no i do for 300 like you think it's very competitive trying to make sure your kids are safe i maybe there's an anti-bully anti an anti-anti-bully market to be to be delved into taylor i bet these guys these these bully masters are like the tallest men in the in the province and they're five foot nine or something like that like look at this guy smoking the cigarette with it with a full arm tat he doesn't look scary to me okay i'm sorry jizz can you show that picture he doesn't look scary to me he looks somewhat annoyed like he can't find which apartment to bring the Grubhub food to.

He looks like someone else stole his parking spot. That's about how pissed he looks. He just realized he left his lighter at home. That's the look on his face right now. He's like, motherfucker. I think someone like you, for example, you could go over there and you could be the anti-anti-bully guy and you could be like, make it

$500 and I'll beat the shit out of that fool out there smoking in his in his $800 car Like you just go slap that guy around and you're the bullies Anti bully that this is a good idea. This is a business ma'am Ma'am. Yes. This is my translator. I know you don't speak a lick of English. I'm happy to go in and beat the shit I know your son is a prominent bully the best in the province I've heard and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that sort of promise slow him down in the political game. He's the next Xi Jinping, potentially. And so how about this? You give me 500, no, 500,000 or whatever bullshit money you people use.

And I will beat the shit out of any Chinese threatening uncle in the world. I'm an American, I brought a gun. in the world i'm an american i brought a gun and then then i i get hired and think about it like this doesn't even have to be a one client thing how many asian uncle anti-bullies could i beat up in a day if i'm making 500 000 per day jesus fuck you know i'm gonna be loaded and i imagine you the whole time dressed as Uncle Sam right you show up like Apollo Creed in Rocky IV

you're doing a little dance James Brown is singing for you you've got the American flag top hat the full thing and you're like this is for Trump and you just beat these guys down that might be that might be the wrong direction to go because I don't think they're that afraid of the Americans or Trump.

We haven't fucked with them in a while. You know who Chinese people dislike? The Japanese. The Japanese. So I will dress in full samurai regalia. Not the real stuff. I'm not going to invest too much in this. Just like the darkness, kind of like an open six weeks a year Halloween store level samurai is what I'm going to purchase.

And that will really threaten them because they know the rape of Nanking. I was about to say, I'm going to go Nanking on you. Yes. You know what? I bet saying I'm going to go Nanking on your ass in China is, like, really offensive. Whoa. Ooh, it's a video. I'm glad that you went with samurai because I's a video if you can see it.

I'm glad that you went with samurai because I was brainstorming as you were getting there and I'm coming up with skinny Japanese guys in skinny pants and long styled hair. Ladies love them.

No, they don't fear. No, who would? They don't fear the modern Japanese man. They fear the past Japanese man,

the samurai, the honorable samurai. And I would even beat the shit out of them in a fake accent like this that they would clearly see through. It would only add to their shame. I see a little Dracula mixed in there. Knock off competitors. Yes, aha. How many times will I punch you today? One punch.

A two punch. You could be the samurai, right? But there's other Japanese tough guys. We could have big sumo wrestlers come around. And they're like thongs. See, but then you get into the endurance game. You got to have a lot of clients to keep this business up. Those sumo folks are going to be burnt after one belly bump.

Then he has to get across town, find another bully. Imagine how many people are in China. And the amount of bullies here is at most a quarter of that of China. So there's a lot of money to be made in the bully market, especially with China, where their culture is like, you don't let us cheat, we cheat anyway. You have to let us cheat, if you don't let us cheat, it's not fair. That's what we went over last time, remember? Their idea of RD is stealing tech. cheat, it's not fair. Like, that's what we went over last time, remember? Their idea of R&D is stealing tech. Yeah, it really is. There's a lot of countries out there that are like,

you know, we're just going to wait for the U.S. or Russia or someone to figure this out, and then we'll pilfer it. So, yeah, this is a good business idea. I'm going to put this next to Tilt. Yeah, there was a movie like this, honestly. I can't remember the name of the movie, but basically this kid's getting picked on in school. And he hires a bully. Like some kid who rides this motor...

It's Matthew McConaughey, isn't it? He hires a really quiet guy. He hired a bully. He just hired a tough guy. Yeah, he hires a tough guy to deal with his bully problem. Well, his bully goes and hires a much tougher tough guy who bullies the bully beater. Throws his motorcycle in the lake. Beats his ass and throws his motorcycle in the lake.

It's great. Is it Drill Bit, Taylor? I don't remember the name of the movie. I was just Googling trying to find what the name of it was. Is it How to Beat a Bully? No, that's some kid's movie. No, that's some bullshit movie. I can't find it. But yeah, it's some kid's movie no that's some bullshit movie I can't find it but but yeah it's it's a it's a pretty good movie and at the end of course there's redemption where it's called

the bodyguard that was called my bodyguard okay bodyguard my bodyguard 1980 yeah and at the end both of the bullied gentlemen get their uh revenge the kid who initially hired a guy to help him out, he stands up to his own bully himself and beats him up. And the guy who was hired to deal with that guy also stands up to the much bigger guy, and he also beats him up. So it's a good ending. The risky part about going to China

and being a bully for hire is that you can't blend afterward. They're going to be like, hey, what's that guy look like that beat you up? It's like, well, he's white, he's got a beard and dark hair, and he's a head taller than everyone else, and he's wearing like a rice farmer's hat.

Oh my God, there he is, yeah. I don't know why he wore a rice farmer's hat. Yeah, look at him. He looks like a goddamn picnic tent over there in comparison to these people uh so yeah that might we'd have to get those glasses that like are really offensive that make your eyes look uh asian like uh anthony kumia used to wear those yeah like like mickey rooney glasses like oh you know i feel like if we go too far with this we're gonna get beat up by the normal chinese people instead of just having to fight the bullies. If you've never seen Mickey Rooney in that movie playing an Asian man, it's Breakfast for Tiffany's where he plays the guy.

Here's a link. It is the most offensive thing I've ever seen. It's hilarious. Oh, Mr. Yunioshi. I heard they were going to try to get Michael B. Jordan to play Superman in a movie. And I was a little upset. I was like, come on. Superman's not black.

Like, I know Superman's not real at all. But, like, there's plenty of black superheroes that he could play. Like, why? But then you see stuff like this and you're like, fuck. We did it. We've been doing this shit for, like, 50 years. Longer. Longer.

Because remember John Wayne playing Genghis Khan in a movie. That's even worse. been doing this shit for like 50 years longer longer because remember john wayne playing gingus khan in a movie that's even worse he had that he had the silly mustache too oh it's you're gonna fall before the strength of my heart we've been whitewashing so much. It's about time they... Blackwashed? Is there blackwash? That's not what washing is. Maybe it's a primer.

I don't know. It's in the black primer. Yeah. I'm looking at some of these from the article you listed, Kyle. Off-color casting in Hollywood. None of these are funny other than the first one. These are just lame other than that. But yeah, that's a hilarious, hilarious, hilarious.

Like, it's so over-the-top Asian. If someone came out like that as a character, like, you couldn't help but, like, laugh, you know? That's hilarious. It's a bit much. It's a bit much. I watched Breakfast with Tiffany's like four years ago, and that part comes up, and I was like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the fuck is that white guy? That guy's not Asian. Mickey Rooney? That's Mickey Rooney? They even have him looking like this. Like, oh, oh, my God, his big teeth there. He looks like a propaganda poster. He looks like a propaganda poster.

He looks like a propaganda poster where they're like, if you don't devote yourself to the war, these Japs are going to be over here raping your women soon. Like those levels of propaganda posters. Number eight on that list? I had forgotten that Johnny Depp played Tonto not long ago. Yeah, yeah, he sure did. I think a lot of people forgot

because only like 18 people went and watched that shit. I saw that, and I didn't even know what movie it was from. Yeah, it's Lone Ranger. They did a Lone Ranger movie. Didn't do very well. Yeah, I saw that thing about they're going to make Superman black, and like, I'm so, I don't care about superhero movies that I like when, I don't care about the movies that i like when i don't care about the agenda

or whatever but when something happens in that community where they all get upset with like he can't be black he's a martian or something and like just seeing the people get pissed off it's like god you're like don't you you're being ridiculous right now like i can understand if you're like oh we should stay white because it's the characters, you know, kind of. It would be weird if he turned races all of a sudden. It's supposed to be like continuity, right? You would imagine it's always the same Superman, just a different act. Kind of like the way Batman is.

If Batman appeared as Japanese, you'd be like, but there's an understanding. These are different actors, but it's all Batman, right? And now he's Japanese? But I don't know. I like seeing the superhero community get pissed at things that I think are silly. I know you hate the superhero movies, but you're just going to have to fucking swallow it because they're only getting bigger and they're getting more prevalent. Disney is coming out with its own streaming service.

A lot of people know about this. And, of course, it's difficult to start up a streaming service. Now, they do have a huge catalog of movies, but a lot of them are already signed away to places like Netflix and Hulu. Well, they've canceled all those deals. As soon as they run out, all that shit gets sucked back to the Disney service. They're going to make a TV show with Loki.

They're making a mini-series with Loki and Scarlet Witch. And, of course, the actors from... Just saying, it's two different shows. That's cool. I thought it was just one show that featured both of them. But, yeah, they're going to get the actors from the big screen to come over and make a miniseries on their streaming service. Man, that's so dope. It's so cool.

Yeah, right? That's what we need. We need more original superhero movies. But not like really, really original. Like rehashes, slightly changed to be more palatable to a modern audience from the 50s and 60s. How long will these idiots drink this swill? Let's find out. I like superhero movies.

They're some of my favorite types. I'm excited about the next Avengers. Kyle, you want to say something? I hope they remake Lord of the Rings and they make it a fucking travesty. I hope that the Hobbits are fucking Korean. I hope the Hobbits are all played from the people from that movie Sexy Rich Asians or whatever. And I hope all of the ghouls and goblins and shit are played by black men.

And I hope you just – every time you cry about it. Little people. But not little people like that dude from Game of Thrones. They need to have that weird voice. And you have my sword. Yeah. And you have my bow. It's like he wasn't even a magic.

Like, you got my axe. They need to sing a lot. Like lollipop guilt. Throw that shit in there. I don't care. Samuel L. Jackson is going to play Gandalf. You're going to just have to suck it up. Dude, Samuel, I can't imagine a worse choice for Gandalf than Samuel L. Jackson.

Literally, no tact, no little limericks or riddles for people. Speak, friend, and enter. Friend. And then it enters up because he wouldn't even look past the first layer. He would do this. He'd do like a black person handshake with the rock, right? Like it'd be all crazy, right? It's going to be great.

I hope a transgender person plays Arwen. I hope it's a dude. And then it's clear that Aragorn's actor the whole time isn't down for it. He's also Japanese, obviously. He's like, this dude was not a part of the way. And then it's clear that Aragorn's actor the whole time isn't down for it. Yeah, he's like. He's also Japanese, obviously. He's like, this year was not a part of the contract. I was glad to believe a real woman would be here. The blade which was broken is now reforged. Yeah.

The shards of Andriel. I am a keeper of the flame of Numenor. You're going to feel it then when they start taking away the things that matter to you, your childhood, and they start corrupting it and bastardizing it with their social justice warped ways. I mean, I feel good for people who are enjoying the superhero movies. If that's what you like, enjoy it. I like that it bothers people that I don't like them. It's fun to like push those buttons but i don't really care at the end of the day that being said kyle if your iteration right there of lord of the rings came to be would there be like i am a fraud or pagans i must get the ring to murder or like what like i would i

would be so upset it would ruin my day yeah I'd be like, he's not Japanese. Or, oh, he's not black. Or, no, he's a hobbit. We need to just throw in new characters that weren't there before. Oh, like they did with the fucking Hobbit series, where they're like, hey, let's kill Smaug way too soon in the third movie, and then let's interject a storyline about an elf character that didn't exist because we need more women or they're going to get pissed at us and then let's throw like it was oh yeah that was that was despicable of them like there's not enough story to go through

already you got to add other storylines you gotta you gotta have legolas jumping on those rocks like this is a fucking 1989 platformer game like what were they thinking when they added brock lesnar and blackface i don't know it's lord of the rings dude look that see that's where that's where specimens like like brock lesnar should be utilized i feel like when you're that enormous not necessarily in blackface i mean maybe like an uruk-hai like in the makeup and everything he'd be the biggest uruk-hai in the land that cgi like um orc goblin leader in the last movie, the pale orc or whatever his name was,

looked awful. If it had just been Brock Lesnar with prosthetics, and they do voiceover for him, like someone else do the voice, like he's Darth Vader, right? That would have been scary as fuck if he looked legit.

Brock Lesnar doesn't have the right proportions to me. But he's an orc. He doesn't look human. It's me but he's an orc he doesn't look human it's perfect yeah okay strong point i if my vision of like a super human looks more like he-man you know just all biceps and v-shape brock lesnar is so huge it looks like his rib cage doesn't fit through a doorway you know i love he-man i watched a whole, there's a thing on Netflix called, something about like the legend of Grayskull or the story of Grayskull.

And anyway, it's like an hour long documentary about He-Man and how the cartoon, how it started with the toys and then they made the cartoon and then they made the comics and then they made the movie and it's got Dolph Lundgren in it and all the creators and everything.

And I'm watching it just reliving my childhood because like the toys came out in like 75, 76. And then by the 80s, they were huge. I had Castle Grayskull. I had Man-at-Arms and He-Man and Skeletor and fucking Beast-Man and Sea-Man and all of the hot chick characters. All the men.

Yeah, that's what they had. All of them. Did you get Sea-Man? Was there really a Seaman? I didn't get him until I was 15. The female character was going to be named... Taste my salty bleachy spray! Each of his fingers

looks like a penis head instead of a fingernail. They're just blasting him. Now your eye's all red! Stings, doesn't it? Visine will only make it worse! Ha ha ha! Now you've got other It stings, doesn't it? Visine will only make it worse. Now you've got other floaters in your eye to distract you as we tip.

Yeah, I see those pornos where they blast all over the girl's face, and I'm like, I've never seen a girl who didn't immediately want to get that out of her eyes because it burns so bad. But these chicks, they're real troopers. They pretend like they want it in there. I watched, actually, Kyle, you fucking linked me this video. It was this woman laying there

and it wasn't coming on her face the way a sensual couple might if they're feeling a little risque. It was this Asian woman with her eye held open by her own like holding like an optometrist and and men were coming over and ejaculating like very careful not to miss any of her eye and just like coating her eye in semen and like the whole time like her eyes welling

she's like it's trying to shut sometimes it'll shut and a little of cum will like go up because of the force of her eyelids closing her eye i am back open you know before it fuses as cum is one to do and it was like man who's who's watching this being like i would love to be the one coming in that eye there wasn't even anything sensual in it there were no tits it was just cum in the eye it was very i i japanese porn is great. I like the ones where the chick is fully dressed, okay? And she's doing like a professional businesswoman's job. She's maybe a news anchor or something.

Like she's literally reading the news. And I don't speak Japanese or whatever, but I imagine she's just like, you know, today in Tokyo there was a 3.2 magnitude earthquake, but everything was okay. And right about the time she gets to the word earthquake, some guy just comes over and blasts her in the face, just comes right on her face. And she doesn't react at all. And there's just a huge load on the right side of her face dripping off. And then she continues.

And she's like, oh, and in the, uh, in Okinawa today, there was the festival of lights and they, you know, they lit all those silly floating balloons and another guy comes and blasts a load right on her chin and she's just like, ah, shit. She spits a little of it out and she does a whole news report taking like six loads and by the end of it, she's just fully covered. Her nice business suit's all dripping

with jizz. It's not about being sexy or sensual. It's just about degradation, I would think. No, for me, it's fucking ridiculous and funny. I just think it's hilarious. That is funny, but you have to think, because that is pornography.

They're not doing that to be funny. So what would be the tag that people wanted? Probably newswoman degradation or something. Maybe. I don't know. They do all kinds of weird shit. We've talked about it before, but the invisible Man porn is cool where the guy comes in and

he's wearing a full white skin-tight bodysuit. Remember Green Man? You linked to one of these too. I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like chicks in a Japanese bathhouse. They're all hanging out mostly naked around hot water springs

indoors, and it's all chicks. And then this dude just walks in wearing a white bodysuit face covered in everything but his cock's out. And you're supposed to believe that he's invisible. And the chicks are like, he just sticks his dick in their mouth. And they're just like,

what's in my mouth right now? I don't understand. It's absurd. It's like a dick-a-roo. Have you heard of the free-use subreddit, Kyle? Yeah, of course I have. Yeah. Kyle, well, usually when Kyle mentions subreddits, I think I've been there for six weeks now. But this time it's the opposite.

The free-use subreddit is all about girls who just let you fuck them right oftentimes they're like studying and you just come up behind them and start fucking them or it kind of tied into kyle's uh weather reporter thing and i think it's a fantasy for guys that can't get laid that this is this other world where they could. Dude, that's like what so much porn is, is fantasy for guys who can't get laid. If you are out there, guys listening, and you're frustrated that you can't get laid, the number one thing you got to do is stop looking at porn. Stop looking at porn because that is giving you the artificial release pretending that you're getting with a woman and it's sapping your desire to do it for real like if you can go to the fake thing and get that little bit of pleasure that come where you're not thinking about it for a while you're never going to get out there and actually go for a real woman like you know there's that easy peasy little bit of satisfaction

right there so if you're looking for pussy and you've been struggling a lot stop looking at porn and your motivation to do it is going to go way up. Suddenly on Friday, you're not going to go, I'll just stay in and beat off and look at porn and do this and that. It's not even worth going out. No, you'll be like, let's get out and be social and try it. Let's try our best. So there's a little tip for you, folks.

Close the laptop and hit the gym. Exactly. And hit the bars. Hit whatever fucking social outing you want to do. Join a club. It's like a whole genre of this kind of porn. Let's queue up at zero and watch a little bit of this, and I'll describe it as best I can.

Oh, okay. Yeah, Chiz isn't showing it, but we can all watch it. Yeah, I was confused for a moment. And although the best part is, it's Japanese porn, so they blur everything out. Yeah, I still can't show it. But we still can't show it. Yeah, the best part is, it's Japanese porn. So they blur everything out. Yeah, I still can't show it. But we still can't show it. Are we all at zero?

Yeah, I'm at zero. 3, 2, 1, play. Why is the title in English? She's trying to go about her reporting and she's wearing a blazer and a button-up shirt. But underneath the desk, she's completely nude. And this guy's hitting her

pussy with a Hitachi. And she's having a difficult time staying focused. And on that news TV to the left of her, it says World News in English. Now he's using his fingers, doing a little exploring.

He's exposing the clit. Is he sticking his finger in there now? No, he's pulling up on the top of the vagina to get the clitoris exposed for his tachi. I like how he's sitting under the table cross-legged and they don't even have a tarp to cover him.

Yeah, that would be funny if he were hidden. She's having a hard time. By the end of this, by the end of this, five guys have fucked her and came on her face. Now he's getting her spread. So each of her heels

are up on the news desk. She's spread super wide. I will say this about this one. She's enjoying herself. And a lot of these Japanese women, the idea seems to be that the girl's not enjoying herself. This is 45 minutes long? Jump ahead to 720.

720? Yeah. All right, I'm at 720. Alright, a gentleman's walking in with a pixelated erect penis. It only took 8 pixels to cover it. Showing some Japanese poster. There's cue cards in there. And I imagine if we were Japanese, they would say,

Fuck this woman. Yeah. I mean, at least they have the decency to blur his face out. Yeah. All right, and now she's being fucked from behind while she's having her tits scrubbed. But she's giving you the news. I want to know what she's saying so bad. Yeah, but to her- bad. And another

terrible tsunami has claimed 100,000 of our brethren. Whatever terrible thing she's saying that she's getting fired. Alright, that's enough of that. It goes on and on. And on. Bookmark. Yeah, she really is a happy participant in this whole thing.

I think. I don't know. I just jumped ahead to 2130. At 2130. She realized she's made a mistake. Well, I thought she was crying until I realized there's semen streaming down her cheeks. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Those are tears.

Those are two loads on each cheek. Crying her milky tears. That's great. Yeah, she's enjoying all that. This is a great day for her. And her family. They're watching the news. They are.

Where do you get your news? Well, I go to World News Headline. I only get my news from World News Headline. I never make it to the weather not once oh that's uh well she's a trooper do you guys still have kyle's camera is it just me yeah i've got kyle's camera okay do you not have my camera i don't i'm sure it's just on my end my camera i don't i'm sure it's just on my end i could you guys uh uh see that uh little snafu that drake has stumbled in i saw him on pussy pass denied because that lady had sued him for

sexual assault uh or had accused him of it and now he's's suing her. Oh, I didn't see that. But what I saw is he posted a picture of himself with this 18-year-old girl named Bella Harris. Very attractive. People, very attractive young woman. And they looked back through Drake's pictures, because she had just turned 18, and they found a picture of him kind of leaning on her shoulder, taking a picture together from 2016 which would

make her a 16 year old gal which is wrong with that there's no problem sure see this is blown out of proportion this is bullshit because look there's a picture of them like there are pictures like this of me and woody with underage boys and girls where we are just posing with them there are just posing with them having our just posing with them having our photograph taken with them and nothing's going on like it's not like he's got his dick in her mouth while she reads the news here in this photograph now if you tell me he had a relationship with her and that's not legal in his state then i might have an issue but like i mean she doesn't first of all if she's 16 there she is the most mature 16-year-old on Earth.

She looks like she's 18 at least. She looks like a model. She's very attractive. To be honest, I look at her, and I think if you told me she was 14 or 22, I'd have bought both. Yeah, she's got one of those faces where there's a big window of what you'd believe.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And, of course, she's wearing a lot of makeup. But, I don't know, she's busty. She's pretty. She's with Drake there. Yeah, Chiz just posted, in California, it's not illegal to date an underage girl as long as there's no sexual contact between the adult and the underage girl. Which, sure, I guess. But it's like, do you think that someone who's, how old is Drake?

In his 30s? Do you think someone like that is hanging out with a 16-year-old? Because, like, you know what? She may only be, she may be, you know, 16, but she's got a real perspective on the world. I don't even care about physical stuff. I want to hear, she's got, like, these great takes on politics and world history and music. Here's the other side of it. I think that at 16, you can fuck anyone you want in most states.

Oh, in a lot of states. Chiziz I'm not jumping to conclusions about anything dumb I'm or about him doing anything I would never say that I'm saying you would never say that it's been two days since you said this hypothetical this hypothetical uh situation of if he was with a 16 year old girl it's it's good, right? I don't care. No? Okay. I don't care. I mean, if I had a 16-year-old daughter who was hooking up with Drake, I'd be like, you're not still taking those pills that mommy gave you, are you?

Lay off those. You'd be a terrible father. No! Look, she's getting a record deal out of this one way or another, all right? That's how this shit's going to work. You're banging the guy from Degrassi? Like, nice. The wheelchair kid?

Awesome. He rebounded more than anybody ever into his, like, semi. I don't follow Drake, like, his music, but I know he's very popular. But I did know who he was 15 years ago on Degrassi. You know that show, Kyle, right? Degrassi, the Canadian teen drama show. I believe he was

the crippled kid in a wheelchair. I'm sure somebody out there watched Degrassi. You're not talking about Malcolm in the middle, right? I'm definitely not talking about Malcolm. Is that Drake growing up? Could be. You've got just

wanted to fuck a 16-year-old. And now I'm getting hate. Mad rhymes inside me.

Can't get them out. Yeah, that kid was real sad in the show. I like that he would always use his disability to his advantage, though. Malcolm in the Middle was a great fucking show. That was a really underrated show. That happens. Frank Cranston had those acting chops. Yeah.

I mean, I knew he could disco roller skate, but I didn't know he could make meth. He can do whatever he wants. Speaking of that, there is an Arizona man who pretended to have Down Syndrome

so that the woman he hired would wipe and bathe him. Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes. And if you look at his face, if that man told me I have Down syndrome, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Wouldn't you?

Cheese, can you be sure to share this image? There's a hint of it there, right? Oh, yeah, there's more than a hint. If he's not full blood, he's at least 30% down. Yeah, right? His dad had downs. Yeah. That's not how it works.

His dad had downs. His mom was down to fuck. You're missing a chromosome or you are. His dad was missing one, but he's missing half of one. That's how it works, Woody. That's actually Merrill Howard Kalen's son. Merrill Howard Kalen. So this is how it went. Paul Anthony Menchata, 31, of Gilbert, Arizona, was arrested on September 6th on fraud and sexual abuse charges. The Gilbert Police Department said Menchata posed as, or someone from the Gilbert Police Department posed as a

woman named Amy on a caregiver job and saying she needed assistance with her adult son so he was this is written badly, Jesus Christ Fox, what are you doing? So basically they, he lied said he had Down Syndrome, then he posed as a parent of himself and said

my son has Down Syndrome and he needs someone to come and wipe his ass and the occasional hand job and do a few things for him. And she showed up and apparently she bathed him over 30 times. Three women. He hired three different caregivers, all women, to care for him at various points in the summer. The first one gave him 30 baths. You're right. That was only the first one. That was 30 baths. I would love the first one that was 30 baths from like what i want i would love to see his technique like he's obviously a character actor like this is a daniel day lewis in the making who just took a wrong path in life yeah like it it takes he saw my left foot

and he was inspired the first caregiver let me get on the mic the first caregiver became suspicious and followed him home earlier this month and met his parents. She discovered he did not have Down syndrome and did not require diaper changes. Fuck. You know, look. Dude, this guy's a fucking asshole. Hang on. Hang on.

I feel sorry for this guy, and let me tell you why. I'm willing to bet that, that's for whatever reason that's his fetish and that's the only way that he can really have sort of sexual pleasure in life like if he had a pretty girl who dated him and and just had normal sex or whatever that that wouldn't do it for him he might not even be able to like perform in that scenario there was a guy on stern i was there was like a Stern flashback. And this guy's thing is Roman showers. He needs to be vomited on by a pretty lady. That's what he's into. And they're talking to him about it. And he's like, I wish that this isn't the way I was.

He sounded like a pedophile. He's like, I wish I wasn't like this. He's like, women think that it's about degradation, and it's not. I find it sensual and attractive when a woman vomits. Everything about it, the smell, the feeling, the sound, the whole thing, that's what turns me on. And all I can find out there are men who want to vomit on me. And I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I don't want that. And he's not a weirdo. He's like, I feel like- No, you're clearly a normal man.

I feel like an anomaly, an outcast, a pariah. He's like, I wish I had the money to hire a dominatrix to, to come and do this for him, but I don't even have that. And they've got a porn star on Tabitha Stevens. And they're like,

Tabitha, could, could you, could you vomit on him? And she's like, I barely eat anything. And I believe her. Cause she's like skin and bones. And, and he's like, well, would you spit on him? she's like i barely eat anything and i believe her because she's like skin and bones and and he's like well would you spit on him he's like i could spit on you he's like well i i guess

you know that is there an odor to your spit and she's like well i i mean crest and it smells like yeah and she goes over and she fucking spits on his chest and he starts rubbing it in and stuff like that you showed us this video and then then one of them eventually muscles up some vomit and he spends the whole time rubbing it. Oh, that was a different vomit. They've had him on a couple of times. This was actually for a game they did, a contest. Tabitha Stevens, the porn star, came on and she did a couple of games.

One of them, they played audio of her porn clips for her mother to listen to over the phone. And she had to guess, is that my daughter or not? And they played audio from various pornos. And some of them were of Tabitha. The mother, of course, has never watched her daughter's movies. Why would you? And she has to guess, yes, that's my daughter moaning. And she's like, ah, ah, you have a humongous cock or whatever, or just like, and the mom has to guess like, which is her daughter and which isn't. And then they do that game, wrap it up. Her mom wins 500 bucks. And then they do a new game where they put three guys stand behind a wall, stick their dicks through a hole.

And she picks which dick she's going to have in her next porno. And she's going to blow this guy. And the first dick was so small he could barely get it through the hole. And she literally asked, does he have testicles? Oh yeah, there they are. Okay, okay. Then the second dick is enormous. It's like eight inches. And then the third dick, she's like, what's wrong with it? That was the vomit guy. Not only is he the vomit guy, but his penis is odd looking apparently. Now the guy with the big cock, who she chose, none other than Bigfoot,

the semi-retarded whack packer with the with the beater and uh and i i'm driving while i'm listening to this and i i had to know i had to know bigfoot tabitha stevens blowjob and there it is she's blowing him in a bed somewhere and he can't and she's like you like that baby he's like i like that it is like this guy is like moron no he's huge. He's a giant. Like, he's like, I don't know exactly, but let's say 6'4", 300 pounds,

or 6'5", 300 pounds, like a mountain of... No, like, talks like Yoda. He said like, like that I do. He adds it is onto the end of the end of every one of his sentences. It is. He's like, that's good ice cream, it is. Come directly into your eye, it is.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, do you think that that guy who likes vomit tries to get his dates wasted on, like, when they go out to eat for a totally different reason? Because he wants them to vomit, like, from how much they drank? They asked him sort of this, they're like, maybe you could go to the chemo clinic and wait outside. Those chicks are always throwing up and he's like he's like no that would be taking advantage of someone who's ill i don't want that i want this to be a mutual pleasurable thing for both of us and he's like

he's just i felt so sorry for this guy that that was his thing and that he like like it wasn't he wasn't a guy who was just like yeah like a chick to spank me we can all like a chick to spank me. We can all find a chick to spank us. Or like, yeah, I want a chick to choke me. We can all find a chick to choke us. Do you think he went down a weird path where, like, you said he had a fucked up dick that didn't work right or something. And so it was like, all right, well, I've got a fucked up dick, so I can't like normal things because no woman will want me. And so I'm going to go to this thing. And then the extreme of whatever that thing was wasn't enough.

Oh, now I'm going to dress like a mascot and fuck people in furry outfits that wasn't enough and he eventually gets down that hole right before shit uh occurs where vomit is and that's where he is now yeah they asked him about shit he was not into that he has a brown shower not into that no no no that's that's was he like uh was he like was he like taking umbrage with the fact that they'd bring it up like, Sir, I am not into shit play. I am into vomit play. He was a good sport about it. The way he came off was pitiful.

He came off as pitiful. And that's what I took from it. I was pitying him because he sounded so genuine. He didn't sound like a dirty old man. Like, yeah, this is what I like like a dirty old man like yeah this is what i like he was just more like this is the only thing i like if if i'm going to have a sex life this is how it has to be i i have no other choice and i i have no other no no outlet to secure this fantasy of mine other than coming on the stern show and hoping that you can find the lady to

vomit on me and i'm pretty sure like that's about the only way it ever happens is when Howard finds some degenerate who, who really needs $500 to throw up on this guy. I mean, would you throw up on him if he asked you to for $500? Yeah. Yeah, sure.

I don't even touch the guy, right? He's laying on his back naked and, and, and you got to give him like three good uh yaks we'll call them uh and and progressively after each time you vomit on him he gets more aroused more erect and more animated with the way he's rubbing the vomit onto his body i don't have to touch him at any point i'm vomiting from a a safe distance. You're standing right over him.

Do I get to choose what I eat? Yes. Then yes, I would do this for even less than $500. Aren't you busy? This could take all night or something. You have to vomit on him three times and you have to play. I have five candy apples and two chili dogs

get ready for a mess. You just eat things that are really easy to vomit, like a lot of yogurt, a lot of milk, a lot of sugary candies because he'll be sticky for a long time. He'd probably like that. Yeah, he'd love it. Why don't you want him to like it, Taylor?

Or eat all of the same thing. Like, have you ever eaten all of the same thing and then vomited? Where it's like, man, I can't believe I ate. Like, this is something that you do when you're a kid, like on Halloween, where you eat so many Reese's, because I was a barterer, and I would trade anything I had for a Reese's peanut butter cup. And so I'd post up on my corner afterward and like, sir, you look like a hundred grand lover. I've got a couple here for you. You've got a Reese's. And they'd come over there, and I'd make your peddling, and so i'd like post up on my corner afterward and like sir you look like a hundred grand lover i've got a couple here for you you got a recess and they come over

there and i'd make your peddling and then i'd go home and like eat some and then like like mom would take and be like that's all for today and i'd be like that's what you think and then go to bed fake falling asleep come out eat a ton and then you vomit and it's all chocolate and peanut butter like a hundred percent of it I'd want to do that. Whereas 100% of something terrible. What's the worst? What would I drink to make it really bad? Like nothing but sauerkraut?

Milk. Nothing but like milk, nothing. I'm trying to think of the most unpleasant thing. You're not looking for repeat customers in this, Taylor? Pickle juice. Ooh, pickle juice would get me to vomit pretty quick because I drink that much vinegar and it's coming back up. Yeah, man. It's going to be acidic quick because I drink that much vinegar and it's coming back up. Yeah, man.

It's going to be acidic. No, not with Woody and Tully. No. Actually, Taylor, wrong. That's Woody's favorite beverage. Jackie saves the pickle jars for Woody. I tried kombucha, which is like a vinegary tasting drink, which kind of compared to like the vinegaryness of pickle juice and i tried it i thought i would hate it it's actually pretty good i can see why

people like drinking vinegary things like it's a neat it's a weird little little kick little flavor like pickle juice but just a little like i like you know maybe there's some on the sandwich bread you know a little little spritz there something like that it's tasty it's like to dip your fingers in the pickle juice and sprinkle it on your sandwich. Yeah, or maybe I just grab the pickle out and I sort of dab the pickle all over it and use it like a pickle juice brush.

Ah, smart. Industrial. It's really gross sticking your fingers in there. Somebody else might want a fucking pickle. So what is this you've linked, Woody? It looks like a conundrum of sorts. Yeah, it's the trolley thing. If you're able to share it, that would be awesome. But

here's the deal. If you're looking at this picture... Oh, I've heard of this, yeah. Yeah, there's a trolley, and it is in route to kill five people. It's going to go straight down that track. You are standing there by the switch. You have the choice to either throw the switch and murder

somebody, or do nothing and let nature take its course, which is to murder five people. Yeah. Well, I noticed that they're all black. So in this image, even you're black, Kyle, the one next to the. Yeah, that's what's confusing. That's what's confusing. Why am I black? What are these people doing on the.

Are they like hanging out on the railroad? They're tied down. Yeah, they're tied to the track. Some mustachioed villain has tied them down. And so. Yeah. Do I know anything about these guys? Do I know like what they do for a living?

You know, it's one versus five. And the trick is, do you intentionally kill the one which you're directly responsible or you know do you just let the other five go but it's not something you did well i don't know because there'd be a bit of what if there's a civil suit afterwards by that lone fellow over there on the one track maybe i yell to him and i'm like you know are your parents wealthy? And if not, ka-ching. Of course you pull the lever. Of course you pull the lever. I think everyone would understand.

And if anybody gave you flack, you'd be like, I thought it was the stop lever. I'm not a fucking train engineer. I was just passing by. You think I know these tracks work? You might be culpable for it if you pull it and you kill that other... What you might have to do is let it murder the five there, the train, and then you might just go have to put the end of that guy on on your own because they've all seen you kill them if they live they're going to tell you hey

yeah that's the guy that could have saved us or done something and just for a second just for a second which one's the moral answer here do you intentionally choose the guy dies or not or yeah i think the moral answer i don't see it as murdering one person. I would see it as saving five. Okay. All right. Just a little twist on it that people sometimes do. You're on the trolley.

There is no switch in this case. But you're set to run over five people. Do you take one guy who's on the trolley with you and throw him in front of the trolley to stop it? Yes. Sure. Yes. Sure. No. Do I know this man? No, of course not.

Now, you can't take a man who is in complete safety and throw him into harm. No, you couldn't be like, we've got to save those people. You look huge. But there's not even parallel. You mean one guy didn't stop this barreling trolley the normal way that that is phrased is it's the fat man the fat man like conundrum and i was like you guys are totally gonna kill the fat man i can't describe him as such because because you don't value their lives but uh uh yeah i mean they don't value their own lives the parallel of course is you know you wrestle that guy off the trolley throw him in front of it

it's the same act really as throwing the switch and killing one instead of five in one yeah in a way it is but in one they're already in danger like at some point, another train's going to come by and smush Mr. Lonesome over there. This isn't the only train. I don't have my pocket knife or a multi-tool or something. No, I pull the switch every single time. There's five people. If I see five people about to get mushed,

then I probably won't even know. I'm going to pull the switch. You know what I would do? I would tweet a quick Twitter poll and see what people thought. And then while you're there arguing with hutch all five of them all life is sacred all right well i fucked that one up guys sorry are they fetuses on the track because then it's okay are they little fetuses little helpless fetuses little babies yeah no i think that the in all seriousness i think the moral

answer i don't even think it's a rhetorical game i think that by pulling the switch you really you're you're literally saving five lives okay like there's no option there where no one dies and so your only option i would think is is pick the least damage right across a broader spectrum on the first part whether you throw the switch or not opinions are divided a lot of people think that you know you're it's an active murder versus you know five people watching a horrific thing exactly but very few people choose to wrestle someone off the train and throw them in front even though numbers wise that's the same as throwing the switch yeah yeah yeah there's just something about

throwing someone off of a train into the path of it that's so like yeah that's what i'm trying to like picture how i'm like and a one and a two. The whole cloud. No! When you throw someone into the path of it, that's awful. Changing the path to kill someone, that's the moral choice. Yeah. Murderous train engineer decides five isn't enough. I'm going to just throw someone in front of the train. Yeah. The moral answer is pulling the switch, killing the one.

He's just saying that guy was safe. But the guy was safe until you threw the switch, too. Like, I don't see that as a differentiator. It's just... Yeah, he was also tied to some railroad tracks. Like, maybe he's a bad guy, right? Maybe some superhero came by and he was like, I'll show you, evildoer.

And he tied him to the track. We don't know. Yeah, that trolley guy over there is a good guy. I'll make out alive. That fat guy right in front of the trolley go over there. There's a good guy. I'll make out alive. I can't get rid of that fat guy right in front of the trolley. Superheroes are known to tie bad guys to train tracks and wait for trolleys to come along. The most moral answer has to be to throw yourself onto the tracks. Yes.

Do you do that? No. No. Zero percent change. Change that five to 500 and to five hundred and one to a hundred and no you could change that five to every human being that ever existed and no i'm not throwing myself you know how painful getting ran over by a fucking train is i bet it's not that bad in the way of dying it's how it hits you taylor what if you get mushed at a right angle? Like your neck's right on the rail.

You can't do that. You've got to jam yourself in there as broadly and as awkwardly as possible because you're trying to stop a train. If you just put your neck on the tracks, it's just clip, and it goes and kills the other five. You have to go like fingers first lengthwise

and like really try to jam this bitch up. I think you need to be like a cannonball, right? And just try and wedge yourself in front of the wheel. And then you're just grinding down like a ball underneath, becoming smaller and smaller as it... Have you seen that clip of I think it was somewhere in

somewhere in China, Japan, I don't know where a guy fell into the subway thing and as it's going by like he, he's trying to get out, but the distance between where the platform is and where the subway's actually going by is so small that, like, it grabs him, and it, like, rolls him like you would, like, a half-empty toothpaste tube,

where, like, if the bottom was, like, totally twisted, and it's just the dude just spinning, like, atop as his body... The subway's next to a platform. Yeah, yeah, it's insane. He's trapped between the subway and the platform and he kind of yes yeah yeah that was a that was a creepy one to see was it japan it was somewhere in asia that would make my sushi roll imagery ideal yeah put some rice around that dude you got you got a thing going on all right so before we jump to the next thing kyle do you have anything you'd like to tell us all about yeah i could probably do that for you guys well how am i going to tell you about it taylor when you step away take a little tinkle

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LendingClub is the number one peer-to-peer lending platform with over $35 billion in loans issued. Go to LendingClub.com and check your rate in minutes so you can borrow up to $40,000. That's LendingClub.com slash PKA. All loans made by WebBank member FDIC, equal housing insured. Link down below. Those credit cards consolidated. That is definitely the way to do that. I've got one variation to the trolley thing, or maybe a couple that i'm curious so same situation woody those five people are all uh ah shit that doesn't work because you'd want them to die damn it i was gonna say five bad people versus one good one yeah they're they're five you know they're pedophiles but you don't think they've ever offended

right? and the other guy is a normal guy yes they all are wearing they're coming from their NAMBLA meeting but they're also wearing hats that say never penetrate like they're very passionate about that when it comes to children or at least they'll have you believe that

you don't know but there are five self-ascribed pedophiles that say oh but i would never offend and then the other guy is just normal average joe you know joe six-pack what do you do uh i think you kill the bad guys the bad guys kyle let it roll yeah you let it roll i think in that scenario um you know i i guess i don't like pedophiles very much and i'm a little worried about the culpability that might come along with pulling that switch regardless of who's on the tracks so i think you know if we imagine that that trolley is stopped and that if i pull that lever it'll get it going and there are five

potential pedophiles there i'm'm going to get it kicked off. There was a third track where it was just going to go along its way. Yes. No, but at the end of this pedophile track, it falls off into the ocean. Is it worth sacrificing the people in that trolley to kill the pedophiles? What kind of people are on this trolley? Oh, scum. I mean, the kind of people who take public transportation, obviously.

So, fuck them. Yeah. And it's in like a... Are we in San Francisco? No, we're in like one of those Indian cities with like a billion people. Oh, shit. And so nobody's going to know. No, nobody's going to know. They've got three or four cousins that look identical.

Yeah. Well, you haven't ridden India. Yeah. Yeah, I'm down with that. I have a Patreon question. Yes. This one I was curious about. Taylor and Woody, have you guys considered joining an adult hockey league

or just going to rat hockey? Taylor, what's rat hockey? I don't think. Is that just pickup hockey? I would assume so. I've never heard rat hockey before i guess that just means pickup pickup's always more fun than anything else i think just because it's like it's more shooting the shit like like casual but i mean woody's played a lot more men's league than me so i don't have the i hadn't thought of that uh to me pick up i want the other people to be trying right it's usually just five forwards against five other forwards yeah no defense

and the goalie hates it yeah yeah and just you know a pickup score for an hour long game might be like 27 to 22 but you never really know because no one kept it and uh you just know how many you scored i just find it unsatisfying whereas league play people are really like that's their best hockey it's not high level hockey but it's the best that they have yeah and uh so so for me i prefer league play i actually called two weeks ago to get back into it and um actually well i called the guy didn't know anything i wrote the guy didn't write back and that's where it stands right now but The guy didn't know anything. I wrote. The guy didn't write back. And that's where it stands right now.

But they didn't have the schedule. If people don't know, men's beer league hockey has the worst hours of any sport anywhere. I don't know why they rank at the bottom of everything in terms of priority. Because of ice time. Ice time is so expensive. That still doesn't satisfy me why we rank at the bottom why why is it that like some random fucking figure skaters getting 11 a.m or something and men's ice hockey is 2 a.m it's it's awful that was bullshit when we'd have like like even then like real teams like it'd be like all right we got we got 4 45 a.m practice boys see you bright and early you know you got to be there at 4 15 for like uh going through drills and shit which

is a goalie you're like oh yeah like i can go get there early for drills like you can go through your plays uh yeah and then when you're done practicing a single figure skater shows up in her little tutu it gets it gets better ice time than you i don't know why yes i've been there uh well for whatever the point is i need to get i need to know the ice time i can't just sign up for a league because twice a week i do this and i don't want to conflict yeah i would love a patreon level that made kyle join a men's league. A good one. Or the best you could make.

You just have to pay me $3,000 a month. That's what it would take. It takes $36,000 a year to get Kyle to join a men's league hockey team. Yeah. I would love that because I know that you'd be like, this is so dumb. You'd go to play it against sports and you'd get like 1982 elbow pads and shitty shit. absolutely not no no no you

don't know me no oh fuck no i'd go hire someone to teach me how to play fucking hockey first and i've learned to skate of course i like to think kyle would pick out goalie pads and play forward but be safe i would uh and and i might like like depending on like the wording of the deal i might join like a's hockey league, right? Like where everybody's 55, 75 pounds or something like that. And of course, they're faster and more agile. But if I ever get my hands on them. They're not.

But you've got the strength. You know I did that, right? You beat up the children? No, I've told the story before, though. Forgive the repeat story, everyone. I'm doing my best. But yeah, I played roller hockey. And I wanted to get into ice hockey and I could skate a little bit. Whatever.

I saw lessons advertised and that's all I saw. You know, like learn to play hockey. So I signed up and I showed up and it was packed. It was in Pennsylvania. So, you know, there's a lot of active players and stuff. There were maybe 85 people in that class. Right right so it's the whole ice is just covered and I'm the only grown-up I'm the only one it's me and 84 10 year olds and uh were you uncomfortable I I was like fuck it I'm going through with this I I paid for it and I really want want to learn to play hockey. And the coaches were totally down with me.

You know, it's not like we were learning to check or anything. It was just like positioning and skating and drills and puck handling and stuff about keeping your stick on the ice and what have you. Like making you a disciplined player. My wife was in the stands. This is my favorite part. She's with the parents in the stands. But she's my wife. She's not my parent.

And she's like, that one's stance but she's my wife she's not my parent and she's like that one's yours yeah that one's mine there i am i'm six foot tall six four on skates and uh yeah with all these i would love if they're like what's wrong with them i would love if the coaches of that like used you as the idol like totally unironically where they're like all right skate let me go like all right kids i want you to take a look at what matt's doing out here you may say but he's an adult but he's 37 no no excuses made you play like matt can i hear it for me play like matt you exactly get out there and do it. Matt, you're doing great, buddy. The guy's like 24 years old.

Matt, at the very end, Matt's mom did not bring orange slices unfortunately. So at the very end, we started doing little pickup, like live drills and stuff, where it wasn't just you and one other guy. We're playing sort of games and uh i see like the goal i've got

the puck i see the goal it's being a bunch of 10 year olds my eyes light up because you know i'm not a big scorer or anything i'm brand new to hockey and i i take a slap shot and uh in the learn to play there are so many people on the ice that it's hard not to hit one and uh it's low it's a low shot but it is off the ice it's flat it's fast it's hard and it's like four inches off the ground and i hit some child in the skate and he he picks it up he skates briefly on one foot and falls down wait wait wait was he on your team or the other no no he was on the other team well fucking hell yeah all right man down signed up for this but he didn't sign up for a 27 year old stop what matt just did, practice like you play. Perfect, Matt. I just attached the coats going, power play!

Power play! Go! No one said or did anything, and I just pretended like it could have been any one of us that shot that. You get on your knees to blend in. I'm just like, I don't know what to do. I'm sweating right now thinking about it i was so nervous like ah that's so fucking that is i don't remember you telling that that's fucking hilarious that you were out there you know it's like a mighty ducks scene where like they're

showing the team and then they get to the guy they found in an alley taking knuckle pucks at like limo doors and like the screen goes up to like capture his face. That's it. I really did that. Those poor goalies were terrified every time you got close to them. Most of the time, they weren't goalies. They put a bench in front of the net. I know we already talked about Conor and everything, but I just saw this news.

I guess he just signed an eight-fight deal. And part of it is that in every fight that he fights in uh his whiskey will be on the canvas as a major sponsor so might want to buy a little stock in connor's uh liquor company i bet he's making a lot of money in it like it like what i'm seeing in this is he's almost more invested in the whiskey thing than he is the fighting well not more but yeah he's heavily invested in it it's a big deal for sure that's his money maker that's the ufc is like we can't afford to give you any more cash but we've got ad space and it's it seemed like a perfect fit i guess that's that's awesome really fun i wonder if it'll be on this one yeah it will be you say yeah okay huh well i like that i like that yeah yeah for sure

we got a sailor did i don't think we answered the question are you can have you considered joining an adult hockey league i've thought about it before like i just get tired of all my friends who play being like yeah we really need a goalie we need a goalie on our team and it's like so you don't want me to be like a really bad forward on your team like no it's like well but i don't want to go play forward with a bunch of terrible people who i don't know that's what i want i don't want to play goalie with a bunch people that i do know and probably be decent at it like my flexibility is shit now but i still i got the reaction time and everything like those shots in men's league are so slow my dad used to play men's league and when they wouldn't have a goalie for one of the teams

he would have me come out and play and at that time he was probably you know uh late 30s early 40s so i was like 12 or some shit like and i would play in the men's league as a goalie and like it was easier than my good like 12 year old teams at the time where like i went in like oh fuck it's gonna be so hard abc uh my dad was pretty good it was probably a like uh like there was this one dude who was like a prick who would like come in and like try like i stopped him once stonewalled him and it's pretty embarrassing to get stonewalled by a 12 year old he's like as tall as the fucking you know pillar there whatever and so like that guy made it his mission to like score on me the rest of the night and like when he did eventually like was like smarmy about it like that's right it's like i don't even know what to say because i'm 12

and you appear to be in your mid to late 30s like is that your girlfriend up there she's fat way fatter than the 12 year olds i go to school with who haven't hit pb i would consider doing it yeah i it's funny because you're like i don't want to play with a bunch of bad people i don't know oh that's what i'm looking for that's it i was never great at hockey don't let me like kid any of the listeners at my best i was a below average a player or um i was a like a mvp in the b league right so it was not good but not awful i bet now i belong in the c league you know because i'm older and uh but i might be above average at c you know you'd work your way back up to b fast i would imagine like you're in good shape now. But I'm literally 45.

Like, I don't remember many 45-year-olds being good. But, Taylor, remember, I'm literally 45. Like, all the 7,000 jokes aside, I am 45 years old. No, no. But, like, I'm saying that as a big – like, that's an old, flippant number. Like, that's a – like, it's – That's the age Yager retired. You're fine.

That's the thing about aging i was thinking about yesterday like when you're in your 20s it's even though you know that technically you're getting older and not better you can look at your athletic peers the people who are your age and be like yeah like basketball players have their best years ever at 29. You know, that's when they're peaking. And they're like 33. And all of a sudden it's like, it's quite the miracle that Taylor's still playing at all. You're like, what the hell? He just like, the second half of that bell curve isn't symmetrical.

But at 45, Jesus Christ, you're, did Chelios play this late? how old did he play 47 around there yeah he he played for a long fucking time yeah i you know if you're if you're people of comparison are like you know chelios and jogger did it they're only two of the best nhlers of all time right i can do it yeah and anyway so they uh yeah i just i just can't imagine that i'd be as fast i used to be fast i wasn't a very good stick handler but um i was usually one of the faster guys on the ice and now i imagine i'm still not a very good stick handler and not fast anyway going on too long about this perhaps i've got a i've got something that made me laugh a uh a maryland man has been arrested for walking his wife with dementia around on a leash at the

pennsylvania fair all right so was the leash attached to a body harness or a collar? It was a collar. Wilford hugged the leash, which caused his wife's head to snap back and left red marks on her throat, the witness added, according to paper citing documents. The 66-year-old told police that his wife, Catherine Wilford, suffered from advanced stage dementia and that he decided to use a leash to keep track of her as she wandered off for more than an hour at the fair last year. So, you know, if he had used a body leash, that would have been fine, right? I don't know. I mean, like, body leash is fine.

Would he rather him not walk his dementia wife, not take her out for a walkie, show her a good time? He cleaned the poop up. Yeah. I mean, he was like, you want to go for a walkie? His wife gets so excited. She starts jumping around, maybe

piddle a little. He takes her to the fair. This is really her best day. She didn't bite anybody else's wife. She's excited that she just got that much attention during that day, right? Yeah. They're all knocking him. It's asshole society. Yeah. Shuttle down, knocking him it's society we'll make it over there

a little bit because she got too excited maybe she piddled herself and he was housebreaking little little kids are coming up to feed her and he's like palms flat palms flat like coins and that 25 cent like little like shit nugget rabbit shit looking things you feed to people yeah that would be uh that would be hilarious to do i think it would be funny if he like if it was like a choke collar or a shot collar or something even more extreme than that because i don't know if you guys like maybe i'm desensitized to the leash thing because i was a a leash kid uh at least at one point because I would run around at malls and hide until they closed.

Is this still information? You were a leash child? Only like briefly. So like there was – my mommy's taken me to the mall when I was little. Well, it started off with a wrist leash, like right on my wrist. That lasted all of one outing until i waited for like my mom to get distracted at like black house white market or something and then i type i found a way out of the leash and ran away and so then i was a body harness leash and i couldn't escape that one until

i figured out how to unhook it and then once you figure out how to unhook it then i'd run through like macy's and i'd hear my mom or grandma be like my grandma grandma usually running, like, Taylor, Taylor, now you come out right now. You're not going to be in trouble. You come out right now. And I'd be in the middle of those clothes racks. Yes! Yes, I was going to ask you about the middle of the clothes racks. That's what I'd do in the mall.

My mom was shopping, and I'd get in the middle of the clothes rack with a Game Boy and be chilling in there. And time would pass, and she's looking for me, right? They're about to call out an Amber Alert. They're about to lock this bitch down. Those were great for kids. That's pre-leashed. So you were hiding in the clothes racks and just getting away, so they leashed you.

They put you on a wrist leash, and it was this Velcro or something, so you just undid it easily. Yeah, some bullshit got out. And then you got into a body leash, and you couldn't figure out how to get off the body leash. I'd have to check with my mom. I think at one point I figured out how to get out into a body leash and you couldn't figure out how to get off the body leash. I'd have to check with my mom. I think at one point I figured out how to get out of the body leash. But the leashing thing didn't last that long because after a while it was like, Taylor, if you want toys, you can't run and hide. And I'm like, message received. I will be right here until our Toys R Us trip.

That's right. You have to bribe me with toys. Someday I want to call Mrs. Durka on speaker and see if she'll tell the leash story. That'd be funny. Yeah, the leash thing. You know, what else was this guy supposed to do other than get a body leash? Like, that's appropriate. Is it not?

Like, if she wanted to wait for an hour? They might not, yeah. Do they have adult body leashes? But they have collars. Use the dog body leash just put it on her what's i mean then she'd have to walk on all fours that's true i mean you put her like you dress her like a dog with like one of those like santa outfits that only goes on her arms she's got a bow tie yeah i think that this guy was mostly trying to be responsible

his mug shot doesn't make him look better. No, he looks like he's having a rough fucking time. He's having a rough day. Just try to walk your wife and you're in the station in the clink. I don't know if you're doing it already, but can you share this mug shot, this guy? He looks annoyed, I think.

You think? What are you getting out of this facial expression i'm getting pure hatred and contempt for the system vitriol yeah yes he's like i'm gonna put her in a fucking shot collar when i get back home i'll show him kennel up honey kennel up he throws like a zucchini in there that she might like she's got one of those water things you know that sticks out and she has to suckle on it it's just a little ball so it goes guess what honey it's white wine night that's great i just realized that i'm in a state with legal marijuana well i realized i was driving around and they were like billboards for cannabis and i was like dude but i need like a tour guide for this like i i don't smoke i really don't know what i'm doing like do it

you know but i bet the dispensaries are tour guides themselves or at least you can just go to the dispensary and ask for a pre-rolled joint and they'll just hand you a uh like a marijuana cigarette that's already wrapped up and then you know it's self-explanatory from there well lead with it like hey i'm new uh what would you recommend to a very new person who doesn't want to get too high or feel uncomfortable, and they'll hook you up. Because I'm like, okay, a joint. Is a joint a one-person thing? If you told me it was, I'd believe it. If you told me no, that's to be passed among eight people, I'd be like, oh, yeah, that's how they did it on that 70s show.

Yeah, you'd probably take one good puff and hold it in and then lick your fingers and pinch that joint out and put it away. Ah, for the flight home no no just so you don't get really really high like so you stay at a good and like you don't even have to smoke they have like sodas and all sorts of crazy shit there how long does it last like if i did it at dinner so i people don't know i'm here doing this like aerobatics lesson to fly my paraglider in more ridiculous ways um i would want to be a hundred percent normal tomorrow morning yeah that wouldn't be a problem you'd be a hundred percent normal in two hours

yeah yeah it's not like alcohol where it's like okay well i'm drunk and i'm gonna be drunk for a hot second here like it's not going away like it's gonna it's gonna fade way quicker than that yeah she says one to three hours if you smoke two to infinity if you eat infinity's an option so it'll start at two and if it's bad you know you've got a ways to go yeah it'll feel like infinity because uh as someone who doesn't smoke edibles seem like the nice way to get into this like if i were to describe the progression as you would expect to be first you start with edibles then smoking then wax and then i don't know injectable marijuana or something. No, suppositories. That's when you're really getting crazy. Okay, yeah.

But it turns out that, one, edibles are just wacky in their dosages. You know, like, here's a gummy bear. Eat one of the ears off of it. That makes no sense to somebody like me. I think in a lot of places they've, like, regulated it now. So, like, every edible is the same strength virtually unless you're a medical patient but like if you're like a recreational patient or recreational user i should say i think that like all the edibles in most states are like all like 10 milligrams or something like that which is like a beginner kind of dose but yeah you should go in

there and just get yourself a joint it'll cost like 20 or something like that it won't be crazy and and then you're good. And that way, if you smoke and you hate it, you don't feel bad about throwing it the fuck away. And you could probably even smoke in a hotel room. I was going to mention that. Looks like you're in a nice hotel room. There's a fucking headboard, folks.

It's the cheapest one I could find. In San Francisco, it's probably what is probably 300 a night or something though so i flew into san francisco this is actually napa valley it's closer to the lake i'm going to and um it yeah it was the cheapest one but uh the cheapest one that had wi-fi there was an option without wi-fi i don't even like yeah and i also looked at a bunch of airbnbs that was going to be my my move right i wanted to try these airbnbs it seems like everyone gets better things but there was no in between i could either rent a whole house which is way more than i need or wanted to

pay or i had like a some kids bedroom you know yeah never do that powder puff girl posters on the walls and shit like that and i was like no i because i'm going to be doing this show i didn't want to be noisy and disruptive and never share never share i you remember that time i went to la to do that fucking movie and they in the first place they stuck me up at i was sharing a fucking apartment with some dude and he was like yeah well there's the at first he was like well there's the computer over there and i was like holy shit that's a gaming pc right here in the living room. All right.

They did me right. I'm going to get on and play some fucking games tonight. I wonder if it's got a nice GPU. And he's like, and there's the kitchen. I'm like, that ain't bad. And then your bedroom's over here. And I'm like, cool, cool. And that's my bedroom right there.

And I was like, what? What? And then I get in the bedroom, my bedroom. And there's like not the power outlets don't work with my electronics they don't have the third prong so like i can't even plug shit in i was i'm on the phone i'm like tell them to get me the fuck out of here or i'm getting on a goddamn plane right now i'll go back to the airport and i'll get on a fucking plane to fucking alabama or something and rent a car i'm coming fucking home if they don't get me the fuck out of i was steaming mad steaming mad yeah i in a different situation i don't think it bothered me as much but i i didn't want to bother them that was the other side of it like sure they

look like a family's house it was that's often what it is and and like sometimes they'll be deceptive there are these fucking cunts on like airbnb vrbo they're all most of them are owned by the same company now there's a brand called home away i think that owns a lot of the companies and they've consolidated a lot of the listings but they'll lie to you and you have to really read the fine print they we saw this place not too long ago and it was was like, whatever, $300 a night. But it's like a five-bedroom house, two stories, nice views, whatever, lots of amenities. But then there's this little thing there that's like, no shoes in the house, and no strong-smelling foods. No curry. And I was like, how are they going to know if we fucking order some Indian food, right?

I'm ordering fucking curry the first night. I got a hankering for some curry. And like you find out these bitches are living upstairs and they just didn't list it they just smelled the curry yeah they're gonna smell the curry oh we didn't go we didn't go we got to the bottom of it beforehand and and and dodged that bullet but yeah you don't want a roommate no i don't want a fucking roommate i i don't want worry about, like, when you're staying with someone or you're visiting someone at their home, like, you know, you're not completely relaxed. You want to make sure you don't leave any shit stains on the bowl, you know? You want to make sure that when you spit out your toothpaste in the morning that maybe you, like, rinse it off the sides. You're, like, looking for a towel.

Like, you know, it's like when you go camping the go camping like leave no uh what leave only footprints right or whatever you're trying to do that number and not be a bad guest but if it's just you there you're pissing in the sinks you're here you go to the sink what if it's nighttime just right there in your piss jug man whatever i figured you know if it's a queen size or bigger you don't even have to get out of bed yeah the side just flip the mattress when you leave no big deal oh you're much more courteous than me i've probably rented a dozen or more like vrbo's or uh you know airbnbs and i've always really enjoyed it. I like being in a strange house and discovering all the intricacies, like figuring out how the AC works, or how the... You know, looking through

their linen closet, going to the extra rooms, and looking at the game boards they have and stuff like that, and looking for their sex toys they might have left behind, or whatever, doing weird shit with them. Just having a good time while I'm there. Just being a snoop. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Well, why wouldn't you snoop? They let you into their home, but you're right a snoop. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Well, why wouldn't you snoop? They let you into their home, but you're right to snoop. You're paying for snooping. I was in a place not too long ago, and it wasn't until the third night I was there that I realized there's a camera right there in the living room, and I'm like,

didn't I jerk off in here the second night? I'm pretty sure they watched me jerk off in here the second night I was here. Honey, something's happening on the camera! Camera two! No, he clearly sees it, and he's still going! I hope he doesn't find the bathroom one. No, I hid it under the lid!

Jesus! I put a fucking throw pillow over that thing immediately. I feel like the damage was already done, though. They gave me five stars question yeah if you would have gone to post-secondary school he's talking about college if you had to go what would you major in if i had to make the decision now or as like a child a child being 18 as a child i as an 18-year-old, I had this weird idea because I was a huge sports fan, like mostly college football, but college baseball as well. And I was thinking of ways to like get close to those players and like be part of that without being an athlete. And I thought maybe like a professional massage therapist

the guy who comes in and like works out on your hammy or whatever and i honestly considered that for a little bit because i looks yeah like a like a like a yeah basically and i and i i kind of i was kind of interested in that for a while and i even talked to my dad about it and he was like yeah yeah i think those guys make good money and i like, I get and I was thinking of all the like the the ancillary perks to that job. Like, I bet I get good tickets. I bet like if you ever get into professional sports, you know, where you're dealing with like a professional team, then you're really getting good tickets. And maybe you're getting to befriend some of these multimillionaire sports stars. And you're also making a pretty good living.

So I was kind of interested in doing that. I really was like I considered that for a while. Yeah, you might like it. The guy that fixes my leg and my knee and my orthopedic surgeon, he did that for, I think, the Packers. I know he did it for the Hurricanes and some other. He didn't like to travel.

It's like he traveled. Maybe it was all playoffs he traveled. And then, of course, every home game. And it just became too much for his schedule. Yeah, see, that would be a bonus for me. I would love to travel. So that was something that really appealed to me. And there was something else about it that I thought was cool.

Oh, yeah. And maybe you end up on the girls' gymnastics team, right? A lot of... Exactly. And I'm not doing well in prison. You know what's good for a swollen ankle? A clit massage. So you had two answers. Like, one, what did I want to do at 18?

Oh, yeah. Now I think it would be interesting to do something that would complement, like, what we're doing here. Like, maybe a degree in broadcasting would be helpful, right? Maybe something in engineering. Not like engineering, like building a bridge or designing a watch. But like audio engineering or something like that. Some sort of professional audio. That'd be great, yeah.

If I was like, oh yeah, we just need this $600 device and five cables. And there's going to be a zero lag sort of perfect studio audio scenario that we can accomplish. If I understood how to do that. Or maybe there's some programs or some mixing software. It would be interesting to have something that sort of complemented what we're doing here. You'd either learn helpful things or you'd just out with like that stupid journalism voice and all your topics would be like this dog saved his family from a house fire what his owner says will shock you coming up next on the audio thing i just i thought listeners might care part of the

reason it's been better is an attitude change in me i used to um be nervous to make any adjustments and i'd see that it didn't look quite right, but I was afraid that whatever change I made would make it worse. Now, if I don't like it, I'll dial it in. Like, I think it was one or two PKNs ago I noticed I was quiet. And I was like, oh, let's just fix this on the spot instead of worried that I'll make it even worse. But it's been better. Yeah.

I think. Taylor, I was telling you before the show, but I'll reiterate. So Chiz and I have been playing Monopoly. Okay, there's this like $6 Monopoly game from, it's like Rento or something, Rento Monopoly. It's like a Parker Brothers ripoff. And it's a mobile game. You can even play on your phone,

but we play on desktop computers. Every single game we play, not every night we play, every game we play devolves into petty name call and rage. Well, it is Monopoly. I'm not surprised. They get furious. Who's they? Chiz and I stay pretty level-headed. All right, so there's skill to Monopoly, and the skill is in the deal-making, art of a deal. So we're rolling dice, so you don't have a lot of control over where you land, right, or what properties you end up with. a lot of control over like where you land right or what properties you end up with but then there comes a time where you have to you have to say

all right i'll give you my brown and two trains and five hundred dollars for your blue you know you have to make these deals and come up with good deals and convince people to take them and that's where the skill comes in and chis is very good at it ch Chiz has won 80% of the games. Nice, Chiz. And that's shocking, considering there are four of us playing at any given time. Are you the other 20? I've only won three.

I've only won three or so. I've had some rough luck, to be completely honest. But I still enjoy the game, whether I win or lose, because the other two guys that we're playing with whether it's midi or urban or a class above they get fucking mad there there's name call there's like nationalistic arguments but us versus canada or something like that there's there's just insults flying around the cruel cruel insults it's a itel. Cruel insults. It's a fucking blast.

That's what the whole fond of Monopoly is. If you said, you know, we're just having a fun, chill Monopoly night, I wouldn't be interested at all. But knowing that you guys are getting upset and yelling makes me want to play. Is it a four-player cap? No, you can go up to like eight, probably. But of course, anything above four

gets a little weird, but you can definitely do five or six. Five wouldn't be too bad. Five would be fine. Yeah, but that probably takes forever, right? Not as long as you think, you know? Like people get whittled down. And whenever you bankrupt, your properties, of course,

unlock. And now the remaining four players can grab them up as they roll around the board. How long are these games taking you? Sometimes they only take 20 minutes. Sometimes they take more like 40. But they're never taking like an hour or anything. That's quick.

That's not what I was thinking. Well, it's quicker because it's all automated, right? Like it moves the space for you. Oh, yeah. Like it rolls the dice. You click to roll dice and they go boop. And, you know, nobody's dropping dice. Nobody's counting money

nobody's uh like move looking at cards like oh yeah i've got that property the rent is uh where's the rent like like nobody's doing math nobody's into putting those little houses on the board that are so light that if you touch them they shoot across the room the the you know the game does everything that really helps it i i'm just thinking about some people and how long it takes them to count to 11 is outrageous one two again people when you'll be on like turn 55 and it's like if you don't know at this point that if you roll a 10 and you're right here and you jump to that spot because that's just you know what i mean? You don't have to go, oh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Ga-ga, you say?

Ga-ga! They knock your houses off with their game piece, walking it down the board, and now you don't remember where the houses were. The count cheating makes me crazy. Like, all right, I got seven. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. That was four.

That was four. What, I can't count? What? Fuck you. One, two, three, four, four, five, six, seven. That was four. That was four. What? I can't count? What? Fuck you. One, two, three, four, four, five, six, seven. Yeah. It's like. Shit like that.

Like you touched the same spot twice or you skipped a spot. We're all watching. There's a lot of cheatery in Monopoly. Monopoly in particular. Yeah. And also Monopoly has a lot of rules. So like it gets tricky. I don't know.

All of a sudden, one guy is taking out a mortgage from the bank to buy a property, and everyone else is like, what? Wait. Mortgages? Now we have to track this? And the poor banker has got a much bigger job than he used to, and there's loans. And then if a property is mortgaged, I don't know if you bill the same. There's a lot of rules. Yeah, if it's mortg mortgage, you can't bill.

And you can't mortgage it until you sell the houses off of it. But, of course, all that's very simplified with the app, with the game. So, yeah, you should come play. And I think we're going to do like a PK Plays thing with some guy coming up. And I think that's a perfect game to use. I'd like that too. It's not on his list, but I hope that he would like it. Yeah. Yeah, so Matt will get good and mad it'll be fun yeah yeah it also makes you go faster not having to deal with house rules in monopoly because everybody who owns monopoly is like

well here we play that you can't trade property deeds or like oh here we play yes you could definitely trade prop like there's always that kind of shit some people do a thing where if you all of the money that gets paid in from free parking yeah free parking yeah all of the money that you get fined by like the community chest or chance or whatever goes into the center and then if you land on free park and you get that money that's not an option should be though but uh it'll be fun and like maybe you guys don't want to but but maybe chis and i might if the other guys are down i think it'd be fun if we put a little real money in the game like maybe everybody throws five bucks in the pot every you know before each round or something or each game or something like that that'd really add to the fury and fire it's dude it's so much fun to see them freak the fuck out

they're like this is a stupid fucking game have you freaked out yet at all? The only time, like I won't get mad, but I'll get like upset because there are some like RNG things in the game. There's a wheel space. And if you land on the space, then a random number generation. So there's like a wheel space that you can land on the board.

And when that happens, you spin like a Wheel of Fortune style board, like brrrr. And on that board, there are things like plus 500 or plus two houses or minus two houses or mortgage one of your properties or gain a free property. And one of them says equal 1,000, which means that no matter how much money you have, now you have 1,000. So if you've got $80, you're aiming for 1,000. You really want it i had thirty two hundred dollars last night and i rolled equals one thousand it's a twenty two hundred

dollar fine it's were you a little upset i lost the game i lost the fucking game because of that because of that because of that alone yeah there comes a point in that game where money's hardly a problem like you could give it all away it doesn't matter i have all the income production on this board that i could need it's just going to pour into me but i guess you weren't there no no that that hasn't ever happened in our games because it's something about like the computer doing everything means that everyone that there's always at least one other person who also has a monopoly and has houses and stuff so like you might go you might gain a thousand this turn but you might lose 800 next turn so you're really staying neck and neck you know one person always

shoots ahead but they'll shoot ahead they'll have like 3 000 everybody else will have 800 or 1200 or something like that it won't get too out hand. Chiz has gotten pretty out of hand before. He had like $4,500 last night, and we were all just wanting to quit, basically, because he was so far ahead. Have you guys seen any of those clips of weathermen way overreacting to the storm? I saw one.

Was it the wind one or the old anderson cooper one where like because the old anderson cooper one like like the photo is him like up to like in his waders up to his waist standing in water and then there's the cameraman standing up with his feet filming him and then behind him you can see two people like walking through shallow water the anderson cooper one have you seen the video uh i don't know if i've seen the direct video of it he comes out looking pretty good in the video so what happened is donald trump jr tweeted that anderson cooper was standing in a hole to make his dad look bad for hurricane florence that isn't true

this was an old clip yeah yeah it's like 10 years ago it's from hurricane matthew i think and there might have been like i don't know but uh and then if you watch the video he's like it's actually really shallow up there but we're staying off the road it's deeper over here be careful because there's deep spots and there's shallow spots and we stood here and uh you know look i get that it it's stupid to stand in the water like it just is but they're making tv and he did explain that his camera crew was on the road in six inches of water that one was very like it's silly to see it made me laugh i didn't really care about like the the reason behind it because it was older this one i just linked now now is from Florence. And there is no coming back

in the way you explained for this one. Have you seen this one, Kyle? I have not seen it. All right, let's queue up. It's a very, very short. About the Anderson Cooper thing, I thought that Anderson, he proved himself right,

but I still think he was being trolled, right? I feel like Donald Trump Jr. trolled him, you know? I feel like you have to be inclined to believe that the Trumps are playing 3D chess. I don't think it's 3D chess. And not following conspiracy theories. I think he was just trolling him, you know? Just saying, that's a classic troll, right? It's like when people say, hey, Wings, is that a picture of your father on the wall behind you?

They know it's not a picture of his father behind me they're not playing 3d chess they're playing annoy the guy on camera and i feel like they they nailed it they you know anderson was clearly annoyed like he's he did a whole segment of defending himself he did a whole segment on it okay well then if that was a troll it worked yeah if that was a troll it it worked. Yeah, if that was a troll, it worked. If Trump Jr. is a retard who fell for a conspiracy, because I think he retweeted it or something, then he's the idiot. I can't tell which one's the idiot, really. Yeah, I heard him do it live the night of it or whatever.

It was very funny. Are you guys ready to watch this video? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chance, are you ready? All right, I'll call it out. Three, two, one, play. The audio really isn't that important in this. Oh.

This lady's pretty. Yeah. Her eyes are a little closer, though. Now there's a guy struggling against the wind, just barely standing up here. He's backpedaling. Look at these. There's two people casually walking in shorts behind him.

If I was to use just his stance, I don't know if the wind's coming left or right. It's not coming much at all. He's just made up. He looks like a video game character on the waiting screen. He's going back and forth. I'm not picking that one. No, I'm not picking this character. Sensitive to wind guy.

Why is it harder to keep your footing on wet grass? He's not moving. He's not pivoting. It's like he's playing soccer. Is that an excuse there? Did someone put that? That's what the audio was saying. It's important to note that the's what the the audio was saying yeah the

note that the people in the background were walking on concrete while the reporter was standing on wet grass i and he was much closer to the hurricane which which means conservative friends on facebook are all proving like using this as an example of how the media lies to you like ah this is the weather channel i know i know they're like if they'll lie about this they'll lie about anything that's literally a facebook that's what is so dumb about all that it's like people who latch on to the dumb shit where it's like no there's like a lot of good lies you can point to but they're like no i'm gonna go with the one of the guy pretending it's windier yeah dude There's no defending that guy.

He was pretending it was windy. Fuck. Don't be an ass. I don't know. Yeah, you're quite an ass. When you've got Trump out there saying fake news every day, the last thing you want to do is make some fake news for some cheap ratings.

And prove him right. Give him ammunition. Did you see Avenatti? What's Storm Daniels' lawyer's name? Avenatti? Yeah, that sounds right. I don't know what his first name is. It's close to that.

And Tucker Carlson argue? No. Oh, it was pretty good. So I'm not a fan of Tucker Carlson. I don't think he has any commitment to the truth. But I do admire how good he's debating. Right. He's outstanding at it. And Avenatti is also really good at it. So there was this like clash of the titans as the two of them work stuff like i sometimes do you should check it out it's about eight minutes long i think and uh you know they they're not just arguing the points they're doing the whole debate technique gamut trying to lay down like facts before they make their points when the facts are even in question they're you know trying to the tone the language that they use the the interruptions

and the the pre-rules and and oh uh so tucker carlson's been calling him creepy porn lawyer for ages right and one of the rules going into it was that he couldn't call him creepy porn lawyer on the show so the entire fucking time the lower third says creepy porn lawyer on it that's hilarious like on the chiron the chiron yeah says creepy porn lawyer on it but um to avanadi's defense he's like you keep calling me the creepy porn lawyer right and he's like but the president of the united states had said had unprotected sex with the porn star while his four-old was at home do you call him the creepy porn president tucker didn't answer it so he got to ask that question in like three different ways and keep laying it out there do you call him the creepy porn president he had unprotected sex while his

four-month-old child was at home with his wife with meanwhile every viewer is like no we actually think it's kind of cool that he fucked porn stars. Like every time they – that's one funny thing. It's a hammer on the porn star thing and it doesn't lower his ratings. Like that's one – there's a lot of things to do, but the porn star stuff doesn't. Everybody already knew this. But like in terms of just watching the theater and debate technique, Tucker made a mistake I think because he got to repeat that point three times and call him that. And I listened to it and I was like yeah you know creepy porn president is just as fair as creepy porn lawyer right he fucked her with no condom

man what i really think fucking her makes him creepy well right i don't think that defending her makes that lawyer creepy either but right but he's just trying to draw the parallel there anyway if you like watching these debates at all if you hate it if you look at it and say oh my god i can't stand food fights as news then you won't like it i like watching debates and shit but i can't i cannot watch mainstream media news debates where it's like all right for the next four minutes we got seven people and we're gonna go all right mr stevenson up there what do you got that's enough time for you all right now they're in the four. Nobody's made a point. Nothing's been forwarded.

We'll see after the break. All right, now watch five antidepressant commercials in a row. Anna Navarro versus whatever that chubby dude is who always represents the Republicans on CNN. If I see those two go at it, I end the video. I mean, they're always worthless. They're always terrible. They're not particularly well-versed on the topics.

They're just worthless. They're always terrible. They're not particularly well-versed on the topics. They're just stand-ins. It's like the worst way for debate to occur is where – is like the soundbite debates that people are fed through mainstream media. It's like that's absolutely the worst way to debate because all you do is get the top little layer of soil of whatever you're discussing. You don't get down into anything, and everybody leaves going, I knew I was right. I knew I was right. See, he said the thing that I already knew, and that's how I could tell that I was right. Come on. It's got to be more in-depth to be interesting.

I thought Elon Musk is definitely doing a thing, right? He's sending people to the moon and back. Wait, this is totally new to me. So he's sending this Japanese billionaire and this spacecraft around the moon and back. Wait, this is totally new to me. So he's sending this Japanese billionaire in this spacecraft around the moon and back to Earth

like a tourist thing. But he's not touching the moon. No, they're not landing. They're going around the moon and back. And I think the craft has like a dozen seats in it or something like that. But I don't know how many people are actually going. It's quite a few seats initially there was this this plan to do like this this like really this much smaller craft but it required a you to have piloting skills but

so that you know you had to you had to find that one air force pilot that won the lottery and send him up i guess i've got two got two questions. Yeah. Is Elon going? And would you go? Elon's not going. And I had a nightmare about 10 days ago that I was in a, and this is before the Elon announcement, but I dreamed that I was in a spacecraft doing something very similar. And the claustrophobia and the terror that I experienced in that dream, I woke up and I felt a little sick.

I was like, oh, I'm glad I can, I can walk three steps and I'm glad I'm just not in a tin can with, with nine millimeters of aluminum between me and the vacuum of fucking space and doom and death and a horrible, yeah, I don't think I would. I don't think I would. I, I, not that. Like, I think if you asked me, if you offered to take me to the space station and hang out there for a week, I would do that. I feel like not only do you have like room to like move around and not a ton, but a lot more than some sort of capsule, but also like it seems safer to me. People have been up there in that thing for years and years and earth is pretty

close and there's escape things that you just get in and push a button and they return you to earth but if you're out there know that but if you're out there to like a hundred thousand kilometers from earth or whatever you're on your own there's no rescue ship are you sure there's escape pods that will take you back yeah Yeah, they're soul use capsules. Okay, and she agrees with you. I had no idea. Yeah. Didn't I see Gravity?

Oh, I didn't realize it was a documentary. Now I know. I saw Sandra Bullock do it. It's a fact. Fair enough. Kyle, have you seen the TV show banshee no let me answer this is about banshee tv show it's probably garbage um banshee banshee tv series it's an american action tv show created by jonathan tropper and dav and David on Cinemax. It's set in a small town, Amish

country. The main character is an enigmatic ex-con who assumes the identity of the town's murdered sheriff to hide from powerful crime lord. Imposing his own brand of justice, he attempts to reconcile with his former lover. This doesn't sound fun to me, I'm afraid.

Yeah, I'm pretty picky about what I i watch you're college-aged right now more patreon questions you want to get your first car what do you get i'm getting a jeep i'm getting a jeep because jeeps i think are really fucking cool and there'll never be another time in your life when you can be that fucking stupid to buy yourself a jeep afterwards you're gonna have a kid you're gonna actually have money to go somewhere and take a seven hour drive um no the jeep is a local only childless person's car you're gonna get so much shit oh so much shit so i don't care about his take my my dad has gone from jeep to jeep to jeep over and over he loves those like grand cherokee limited or whatever things.

I always tell him, why don't you? He literally bought a BMW 7 Series four years ago, a new one. And he was like, you know, I decided I'm not doing the Jeep anymore. I said, you know what? I'm going to treat myself to something. And he drove that 7 Series for two weeks before he was like, you know what? I really don't like this. I'm going back to my Jeep.

And so he went back to a Jeep Grand Cherokee over a BMW 7 Series. The Grand Cherokee is a nice SUV. I was really talking about the Wrangler Jeeps. Oh, yeah. Those are neat. But you're right. You don't want to be like, all right, put the kid in there. Let me put my Velcro window window up you're telling me this guy went for he drove it he drove a 90 000 car for

a few months and he was like nah i really like those those knobby tires i was probably being hyperbolic with two weeks it was probably a month like it was clear he didn't like it that much he'd gotten so used to like sitting higher he was like i just don't like this like i want an suv and i like my jeep and i realized through getting this that's fine for me wow so he went back to the jeep so there you go range rover action huh for most of my life whenever i rented a car it was better than my car at home so it was kind of a treat and uh now i have this i have this ford f-150 but it's a platinum so it's like a luxury half-ton truck and i have a toyota corolla outside it's not nice it's really jittery it's super loud inside it doesn't drive itself it uh like i'm really missing my truck

it doesn't go fast or when you do go fast it feels like it's a struggle yeah you know like all the highway noise of like hearing the yeah yeah you can't listen to anything like on a reasonable volume in those little cars because the highway noise is so loud it's scary compared to my like land yacht that i'm used to doing things i was uh working on my phone like getting the bluetooth connected and not looking at the road, of course. And it didn't, like, stay in the lane on its own. I just got used to that. So, yeah. Anyway, get a Jeep.

I think they're fun. I think they're stupid. And it's a good time in your life to be stupid. Yeah. That's the time to do it. I mean, I agree. A Jeep would be a fun car. The Wranglers are really cool until you get to be like mid-20s.

And then it's like you got to probably get something a little more practical. Get a Honda Accord. I'd get a Honda Accord. And I prefer the nicest one I could get, obviously. So maybe like a two-year-old Honda Accord. I think those things look really nice, especially if they've got like the nice wheels and nice leather interior and everything. It rides well.

It has plenty of power. You've got four seats. It's economical. If you're a college student, especially, I feel like you're going to get a lot of shit if you're driving a fucking SUV at college. I feel like you're going to be a real baby-killing anti-environmentalist.

You want to open yourself up to all that. College isn't actually like that. That's what Fox News says college is like. That's what it's like in san francisco you go outside right right and right now there are people hate criming some guy in a jeep grand cherokee right on the side right now they've got bent over before you can turn the ignition there's a professor with a mask and a bike lock and a sock to smash your window and cave your head in and then get probation i was right in my car and there was this person there giant boobs clearly a guy clearly a guy and it wasn't like could it no it was like a older italian dude who was just a guy guy and i'm like oh well i am in san francisco so

like be cool and i'm cool, he's not hurting anyone. He seemed really nice. But there was some confusion because, you know, they have those. Was he dressed up like a woman or was he, like, just a man with big tits? He had a sweater on, big tits. Yeah, makeup and a woman's haircut. But, like, you know how there's, like, a spectrum of how well they pull off woman. This guy was in the bottom 5% of how well he pulled that off.

Ooh, that's not a problem. She pulled that off. I don't mean to insult. I really have no problem. Don't forge ahead. Who cares? Yeah. So anyway, the line, they make you like go back and forth with the little like velvet dividers or whatever.

But one wasn't in place. And I was like, should I close this? Because people were acting like the last third of the line was optional because it was undone. So I started to close it and then second-guess myself. And bottom line is she, I guess I'll say, like ended up closing it behind me. And I was like, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to do it or not. And in what seemed like a first-day attempt at trying to be a woman, he's like, I think it was supposed to do it or not. And in what seemed like a first day attempt at trying to be a woman, he's like,

I think it was supposed to be. And I was like, why? You're not good at this. You're bad. I didn't consider it was meant to be this way. I don't know. It's just a new experience for me. I'm a North Carolina.

There's not, I've never, you never see this in Raleigh. It doesn't happen. So I was like a fish out of water with it. But nice person, it seemed. But not something you're used to. There's a show on Netflix. God, I've been searching for it the last 30 seconds, and I'm about to give up. That's the amount of effort I've put into this.

Maniacs? No, there's a transsexual character. And it's played by a cisgender man uh and if you've ever seen on family guy when um quagmire's dad becomes a woman and just looks nothing like a woman no it's a white uh white man uh chis that's what this transsexual looks like because of course it's just played by a man i'm talking about he's got like the chin dimple and a big square chin but like makeup and shoulder length hair and a dress it's i it was a little this person from today i wanted to get this out looked a lot like robin williams in that movie mrs doubtfire he looked

a lot like mrs doubtfire oh my cock off oh yeah he uh like ah that's gotta suck when like you get the big tits and you're like ah not even close like like you you probably in your head imagined it to be like way more but really people are like oh that's that's clearly not a biological woman like i yeah yeah i mean oh well okay yeah i don't see that very much here like when you see someone like a trans person who like isn't passing at all, like there's a feeling of like, oh, like I always wonder, like, do they think that they're passing or do they probably know better than anyone? Like, I'm not right now. I would imagine because like people maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm going through my own like I was I wanted a selfie with him.

Her. I wanted a selfie. I just wanted to be like, like, I was, I wanted a selfie with him, her. I wanted a selfie. I just wanted to be like, check out me and this person. And I was like, yeah, there's no way that's not incredibly rude. There's, like, that has to be really mean. It would probably be hurtful. Sir! Sir!

It might be something that sinks with him for the next couple weeks. Like, you know, like, he's so much of an outlier that i took a picture with him or her like like they were a tourist attraction so i obviously didn't do that that's good yeah you wouldn't want to make him feel like a freak or anything yeah yeah but kyle wouldn't want that happen no kyle god forbid i missed something did you write something no i said you wouldn't want him to feel like a freak, and Kyle laughed, and I said, yeah, God forbid. You wouldn't want to make him feel different. I saw 3% of young people now identify as a different gender than they were born as or a – as the opposite gender they were born as or a completely different gender. 3%. A completely different one?

Yeah, like – Like i identify as a what's an example of a third one oh god there's a whole list of them you know there are okay let's look up list of genders list of genders yeah i can't come up with an example either but i know there's dozens of them now this one looks unbiased it's called age of shitlords.com complete list of tumblr genders uh let's see you've got uh a gender having no gender at all, which makes sense. And if you don't think that makes sense, you're a bigot. Ambonic, identifying as both man and woman, yet neither at the same time.

Really, you can't make up your mind. That's if you really haven't decided yet. There's one where they switch back and forth. Yeah. This is such a long list. I'm going to go like one of the actual tumblr non-binary you could be a gender bi gender poly gender uh gender apathetic uh new choice what gender are you demi gender great gender or a gender understand gender right like it

really is a hard thing that i struggle with, right? Because growing up, gender meant boy or girl, right? That's what it always was for me. And now sex means boy or girl. Gender has to do with how you emotionally identify, right? So it's a sex is a different thing than gender. Gender is a social construct now. So then I still can hardly fathom what choices there could be as outside boy or girl, the boy or girl, or switching to boy and girl. And then outside of that, I lack the imagination to really get the other genders.

That's what confuses me is they'll be like, well, gender is more of a set of behaviors and such. It's not the ingrained sex. And it's like, well, then if that's all that it is, why are you taking measures to make yourself look like a traditional female behaviors and such it's not the ingrained sex and it's like well then if that's all that it is why

are you taking measures to make yourself look like a traditional female or traditional male like if those are all just social contracts in the first place wouldn't you be just as male as a male remaining the same way you are just with your different internal identity like that that's what confuses me yeah you know what i mean like like, why the change if the true difference is only what's inside you, you know? I don't care. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Wear what you want. Be what you want.

Don't make me use some sort of made-up word for you. But, you know, other than that, all good. Well, Kyle, there's 58 options, according to ABC News, for Facebook users. You got agender. You got androgyne. Androgyne. You got androgynous, bigender, cis, cisgender, cis female, cis male, cis man, cis woman, cisgender female, all that again. And then at the bottom, they have neither, neutrosis, intersex, pangender.

They have a whole thing of trans, male, female, man, woman, person. And then they also have transsexual male, female, person, and then two-spirit. So I guess transsexual and transgender are different in some way. I just don't care. Tell me what your name is and that's what I'm going to call you. Yeah, that's much easier yeah i don't think like it's never been an issue for me like i don't need you to call me sir you know i don't know or mr you just call me kyle you know that'll that'll keep things very simple and there's a certain parallel fairness to that that i look for right whenever i like gender appropriation i think oh would it be okay if you dressed up as me for halloween yes all right well then i'm not giving a shit cultural appropriation you oh i'd say it wrong i think you said gender appropriation which which thank you but yes could probably be be you know

if you dress up as a woman maybe someone could give you shit for that i suppose but i actually i identify as a as feudal gender which means that my my pronouns are your grace, your highness, majesty, things like that. If you don't refer to me in these things, I get incredibly upset. I'm feudal gender. The Duke of St. Louis over here. I also call it medieval sexual. Okay, okay. A little different. I like this.

If they get to pick one one why can't i pick one the best one like you think i might be that it's like what are you thinking taylor it's like uh what are thou thinking i think is what you meant they keep getting better i i um i had a debate with my daughter once where I told her I identified as an Apache helicopter, Apache attack helicopter. And she just kept asking me questions and respectfully obeyed all the things I asked for her until I gave up. It was terrible. I lost it. Tolerant to a fault.

You were just like, all right, so you do want to be referred to as what was that? The B200XY model? Okay, I'll write that down. Wait till your birthday, honey. You know what you're going to get? Some diesel. Yeah, right?

Just kidding. What's the worst injury you've ever seen in person? Another Patreon level question. We've done this before. The worst one that Woody's ever seen is of course that guy

whose femoral artery was cut. Oh yeah, we did do this.. The worst one that Woody's ever seen is of course that guy whose femoral artery was cut. And the worst one I've ever seen. Ah, shucks. Yeah, we've done this one. I delete them after I tell them. No worries. I'm sure it's a popular question. I know we've got to get to some advertisements

real quick, but afterward, how about we jump into Chiz's sexual assault game? I like that. I would like to play the game every night. I volunteer as tribute. Yeah. Alright. Chiz said

he'd be right back. So the rules, I'll read the rules of this sexual assault game. All Chiz did was link us this PNG image to tell us what the rules are. And the rules are using only the image, name, and bio. Determine the information on the sexual assault victim and the crime they committed. How scoring works. You get the victim's age, you get a point. Or the victim's sex, rather, you get a point. Victim's

age, you get three points. Crime committed specifically, we're not going to go super specific. I would imagine rape know groping or something like that exposing yourself uh most of these sex offenders are in nearby neighborhoods by woody with a few reigning from the st louis area enjoy so as soon as he gets back oh i see i think that we are going to um these aren't going to be famous sex offenders i bet these are going to be oh no these are my neighbors we're just we're just an image, and then we have to make these assumptions based on nothing more than the image name. I thought he was going to show us a picture of Louis C.K. or something like that, and we were going to have to figure that out. That's even funnier, that these are just random sex offenders.

These are the people I call friends. All right, hit us with number one as soon as you're ready, Chiz. I've got my sex offender radar on in the neighborhood I live. It's ringing loudly. Rufus! Rufus!

Rufus! I haven't seen that fucker in a while. Could be dead. Nah, Rufus will come back. He's like Max Dog Poppets. He'll always find his way. This is what you guys do best judging on appearance alone all right bring it give us a link or something having to look beyond appearance is like it takes forever don't scroll past this link i see okay

all right only scrolling down to numero uno. Okay, so this is Ronald Hunter. He's an African-American gentleman, looks to be about 50. He's wearing a nice necklace there, three of them in fact. He's 5'9", 160 pounds. And what is he in for? What do you think? All right, now he's wearing a bead necklace, a couple of necklaces. Now, I've found that men who wear even one necklace sometimes have something up, but he has a lot, a lot of necklaces.

So I'm going to say that Ronald Hunter is, I'm not going to say pedophile. I don't think he's a pedo. I don't either. not going to say pedophile. I don't think he's a pedo. I don't either. I think that he sexually assaulted someone. So like a sexual battery, but not necessarily a rape. He raped. This is a raper. This is a raper. Yeah. This man has some inferiority issues. This man's 5'9", 160 pounds. Okay, I'm gonna say Mr. Ronald Hunter put his mouth and

fingers in orifices in which they were not welcome. How old were the victims? And... Well, the sex were the victims. The victim is female, and she was 23. All right.

I think the victim was—oh, I'm trying so hard. I think the victim was 45, female, and it was attempted rape. I think he raped a 35-year-old woman. How old was she? 35. Oh, a 35-year-old woman. Why do I think he's missing a thing? But I can't imagine what it is.

Rape, woman, 35. You win. My bad. Chiz? Drumroll, please. He said that he digitally penetrated a lady, I believe. Digitally or

orally did something inappropriate. Oh, no. Damn it! Oh, we were all so wrong. We were all so wrong! The victim age is 14. The victim's sex is male. And the crime is indecent liberty minor. Or indecent liberty with a minor, I guess. Further explanation.

Willfully commits or attempts to commit any lewd or lascivious act upon or with the body or any part or member of the body of any child of either sex under the age of 16 years. So, Mr. Ronald Hunter, I hope you are still in prison. And you likely are. Oh my god, I just scrolled to number two. No, no, wait. Did any of us get any aspect of that right? Or did we miss 100% across the board? I feel like Taylor gets a point.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, right? Yeah, he got a point? Yeah, for being closest to the age, I suppose. Yeah. Alright, well, we did terribly there. We did terribly there. This just shows that if one of us was doing really, really well, actually, if one of us does really well,

we could go into, like, a Dexter-style occupation where we can see inside the mind of the sexually depraved and, like, only murder the bad ones. Well, maybe we met him. I can't wait to get to the next person. All right, let's scroll to number two this is sean he's 300 pounds he is the captain of the hms black star okay so this man has an eye patch his name is sean morton he He's black, male, 6'2", 300 pounds, age at the time of offense, 19.

And, you know, he has dead eyes. He has dead eye. He's got a dead eye that is looking right through you. No feeling behind that. So I bet what he did is pretty fucked. This guy's got no spirit behind those eyes. So I'm saying this gentleman, the sex of his victim was female. The age of his victim, if he was 19, I'm going to say 14.

Or no, 15. And what he did was he raped her. Like a full-on rape. Okay. Taylor almost completely mirrored what I was going to say, except that I think it's statutory rape, and he was dating this girl. Yeah, I don't know about...

Okay. Interesting. I like that. I think that this guy... I don't imagine him doing something with someone older, so I'm led to believe that this was an underage person. For whatever reason, maybe I'm silly,

his ears pierce, both of them. Ooh. Keen eye. It's a dude. No, no, but the right ear is the gay one. Get out of here. There is no gay ear. First of all, any ear is gay.

What are you, 12? Second, both ears are double gay. These are the rules, Taylor. Sorry, I haven't kept up. The more holes you have in your ears,

the more you like cock. It even works for girls. Yes. That's true. You see one of those girls with like the like around the whole ear. You're like,

all right, this girl likes her hole spilled. I'm going to diversify a little bit. Now, my first inclination is to literally agree with Taylor 100%. I think it's a 15-year-old girl that he raped. I'm just going to go with that. I think he raped a 15-year-old girl. That's just what's in my heart. I'm talking all this trash about it.

She just reminds me he's my neighbor. Yeah, he lives right next to me. Don't worry. He's been put away. A suburb near me. I don't know where he lives. All right, Chiz. I think we...

Are we ready for the unveiling? I think. It's shocking, is what he says. Oh, no! Oh! Okay, we were all wrong. Mr. Sean Ryan Morton, his victim was three. It was male, a male victim, sexual battery.

And that explanation is second-degree sexual offense, a victim who is mentally disabled, mentally incapacitated, or physically helpless, and the person performing the act knows or should reasonably know that the other person is mentally disabled, mentally incapacitated, or physically helpless. So none of us got even, we thought, look at how good we are. We assumed the best in this man. And we are. He just, you know, maybe this was a Drake situation.

That's what I thought. I literally thought he just had a girlfriend that was too young. He's a good looking guy if he had both eyes. I can't believe you fucked a... No, but he obeyed the rule. Divide your age in half and then divide again by seven. That's not how that rule goes. Oh, fuck.

A mentally disabled three-year-old? Could he not? No, no, no. He wasn't mentally disabled.-year-old? Could he not? No, no, no. The three-year-old wasn't mentally disabled. Could have been. Well, it could have been, but it almost certainly wasn't. What are the fucking odds?

Physically helpless, I think, is the thing to key in on here. As a three-year-old would be against a 300-pound man. Yeah, totally. All three-year-olds are stupid. I wonder what he did. I hope he didn't fuck the three-year-old.

I hope that kid took the eye with his sharp little baby thumbnail. Maybe that's what he did. Maybe his fetish is he wanted his eye socket penetrated by a three-year-old, and we're like, that's not so bad. No, I don't think that's what it was. If he put a three-year-old's foot in his eye socket,

what if that's the thing? What if he's missing that eye, and his crime was literally having the three-year-old fist his eye socket how do you feel about him now not a fan i'm gonna have to say i don't care not a fan you're not gonna bring him to fucking teeter-totter school or anything like that you know you're not gonna let him teach your kid i will say this it's much better than what i'm assuming because i don't think that he had a little kid fist-buck his eye hole. I think he blew a three-year-old or like...

I can't pick up the sarcasm in text. Chiz, did he really lose his eye in the incident? No, no, no. He was a one-eyed asshole before this. He tried a 14-year-old, shook his eye, and he realized he has to go younger. Hopefully this guy spends his entire life in prison having what happens to all sorts of child molesters.

Alright. We are awful at this. Yeah, we're terrible. Does anybody get a point, Chiz? I have one point because I was closest in age from 24 to 14. I scrolled ahead. I like the next guy.

We all said 15, so nobody gets anything. Oh, Randy Hooker. Good God. He fucked a kid. He fucked a kid. See, Randy Hooker is wearing what looks like a Mr. Rogers

style sweater, which makes me believe that he was trying to lull his victims into a false sense of security. And so I think they were very young. Age at the time of the offense is 27, and he's like 55 now, and he's still in prison, which means this had to be some serious shit. So I'm thinking that he genuinely raped a seven-year-old girl, because they've all been boys so far and we are due. Oh, these guys are all on the loose, Chiz says. This is from the sex offender registry.

That's why we have their picture because they're out and about. Oh. Near Woody. And a couple near me, unfortunately. I hope this guy raped a 45-year-old man. To death. hear me unfortunately i hope this guy raped a 45 year old man randy leon hooker convicted of raping a 45 year old local man while he was riding his motor his fucking motorcycle i think as he was scrubbing down his fleet of lawnmowers, he leapt from the horse stable, and he took him.

Took him right there on that six-cylinder John Deere. Oh, God, I don't know what he did. I'm trying to imagine a 27-year-old version of him and then judge him. I really don't think what sweater he's wearing today is relevant. I didn't know the rules. Okay, well, then I need to change. I'll let someone else go first, so I'm not stealing what you guys think. He was 27. He used to be a little more suave than

he is right now. He's still got an asymmetric face, so he wasn't really crushing it with the ladies. I'm going to say he raped a 24-year-old woman that he wished he could have gotten otherwise. 24-year-old rape of a woman. I'm sensing a trend of pedophilia here. This guy fucked an 8-year-old boy. I'm going with that. I'm saying he like, I won't say fucked because rape doesn't seem like what they're going with that. I'm saying he like, I won't say fucked because rape doesn't seem like

what they're going with here. I'm going to say he sexually assaulted an eight-year-old boy. It's so broad. What are you doing? I'm going to say I'm noticing a pattern of increased extremism with Chiz's list here.

And so I think this is going to be the first real rape, like the first like rape thing. And it's going to be a girl and she is going to be 17 years old all right choose reveal are there any white people on this list chis oh i mean he's taking them in as they come white people are fairly represented in pedophilia i think oh. Oh, a ding, ding, ding. 18, rape.

Ooh, victims mentally disabled again. God. God. Well, there's a big... We're looking at the retard angle. So wait, did someone... Who got so close to that? Taylor.

I said 17 years old, female rape., and it's 18 female second degree rape. So I deserve a handful of points out of this. I'm getting some points, too. I said 27 year old female rape. Yeah, you got two right. Unless we're having to count degrees of rape, which I don't think is very fair. I don't even know what the different degrees are. Never do.

This guy does. Depends how big you are. I always ask my attorney. don't even know what the different degrees are. Never do. This guy does. I always ask my attorney. Okay, this is what second degree rape is. Second degree rape, the victim who is mentally disabled, mentally incapacitated, or physically helpless, and the person performing the act knows they should... Same thing as last time, pretty much. God damn it.

I went ahead to the next guy. Kyle will be pleased. Oh, we've got a whitey! This looks like Wings looks like wings redemption's father john patrick henderson i see it he's 66 at the time of offense so i think this guy went for a little kid i'm going young on this i'm going five i'm going boy and i'm going five, I'm going boy, and I'm going some sort of attempted rape. I'm going underage girl and some sort of maybe child pornography. I feel like the white guys, they turn their perversion into business, right? So smart, so smart.

Damn it, Kyle. Ah! Yes. I feel like – Don't you hate that when you play these games and someone comes with a better one and you're it, Kyle. I feel like when you play these games and someone comes with a better one, you're like, actually, I want that one. I'm going to say he did some weird shit to the kid. He filmed it

and maybe he sold it. But I believe, how old did I say? It's a girl. Yeah, I'm going to say like a five-year-old girl. You don't like Kyle's wrong? Because a 66-year-old can barely use YouTube. You know what I found? Because I was recently looking at the FBI's most wanted list.

The older guys who are in the pedophile, they get on board with that stuff. You know, they're like the – just like if you can make money from doing it and they see that, they get on board with the tech. You know, like you see a lot of older guys who are day traders, stuff like that. They figure it out when they see that it's not just some frivolous thing he's the greatest generation there you go no he's a boomer or it's a boomer yeah he is a boomer or no he's four years before that whatever it doesn't matter so uh i am going to say he diddled a young boy who was 12. And I don't know, a diddle is too vague. The victim was 12 and male.

Second degree diddling. What he did, it was a, is there a third degree diddle? I'm going to go with third degree diddling. Like, kind of like he put the tip of the kid's cock in his mouth. And I want to add, I want to add, I want to add for some sort of extra credit, I think he was related to the victim. Ooh, I like it. That's pretty good.

Yeah, I don't know what the, like, actual crimes are, Chiz. That's, than assault, than sexual assault. That's what I'm saying. All right, Chiz, link it up. He did. than assault and sexual assault. That's what I'm saying. All right.

She was linking up. He did seven male indecent Liberty with a minor. I think I do it pretty well. I said five, I think, but otherwise I nailed it. Taylor literally said diddling and that's written here. Yeah.

It's just kid diddling. Actual documented kid diddling. Yeah, but there's no way to undiddle those kids. Damage is done. Let's get a laugh. I did. Okay, so I said 12 male diddling. So I got a couple points.

I said male attempted rape, I think. An attempted rape is pretty close to a diddle, but I mean, Chiz is the legal expert. I think that's when you just can't get it in. Chiz will decide how many points I get. Your Honor, you are speaking to a confirmed kitty deal over here. They should say that in court.

I got the age one. Oh, okay. I think he gave me the low points. I suck at this game. Kyle, why don't you go first? You would be of no use to the SVU. No. I'd go in there like a fucking psychic and I'd go I know exactly a fucking psychic, and I'd go, I know exactly who did this. It was John

Henderson of 66-Year-Old Creepy. I would make a terrible profiler, it seems. There's plenty of time for you to come back, Kyle. I've got faith in you. You're just one of them. All right. Here is Francis Henry Desmarais? That works.

He's a... Where's his age at? For some reason I'm missing it. Age at the time of offense, 52. Okay. He was born in 51, so that makes him... 67? 67, yes. Yeah, so he's 67.

5'7", 205 pounds. What did Mr. Francis Henry Desmarois, whatever the fuck that is, what did he do? He did something to a kid. That's a point. He definitely did something to a kid. I'm going to say he's five foot seven.

I think it was a little girl. I think it was a eight. I'm going to go with an eight year old girl. And I'm going to say that he. I just don't feel like rape is going to be it. I feel I feel like he he like did something digitally or orally with an 8-year-old girl. Okay. I think this is the child porn dude. I think he's clever. I think he had a big collection of child porn.

And I don't know how to even do sex and age on that, so I probably won't get many points. But I'll go male in five just in case I get something out of it just throw it out there fill those blanks maybe sometimes you get one right see I think you're right on this one this guy does look like

the child porn guy because look at how close his eyes are together look at how listless and dead and black they are like a doll's eyes like this is a man who has no no uh he just he never wishes he has no regret for what he did i think this guy sold and and probably operated a a kiddie porn site or something and but i'm not gonna say that because woody said that and it's only one possible answer i'm going to say he i'm going to say it was you know we should have been doing this

where we have to answer it in the form of clue where it's like it was francis henley de marois in his granddaughter's bedroom with his cock. Watch, I bet we're all completely off, and he raped an old woman. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna go 11 years old, female, and it was molesting. He molested her.

Let's see what we've got 18 female aggravated rape uh i knew it was a girl yeah you did you did we got we got a couple of girl points but aggravated rape according to chis is in prison for 60 months using weapons slash beating the victim. Aggravated rape takes place where the victim sustains serious bodily injuries or subjected to other criminal conduct during the same episode as the rape. God damn. So this guy seems, we were right about him being a dead-eyed. We were right during the game about guessing what sex predators do and seeing this was a no good Nick.

Yeah, exactly. He only did five years for that. Dude, you should spend way more than five fucking years in prison for that. The next guy actually just judging him seems pretty nice. He did less than five years and then he got out.

Jesus. Oh my god. Are you guys on to LeVon? Oh, Mr. Cosby. Oh, Koston LeVon Exum. This guy looks like you'd hire him as a babysitter. I would not. Yeah, I'm glad you're out of babysitter hiring years, Woody. Hey, I'm sure you could, Woody.

He's local. Yeah, right? He doesn't say which of these are local to Woody and which are local to me. I'll just assume they're all Woody, so I feel bad. i think their majority is from woody's neck of the woods mr exum is six feet tall 200 pounds brown eyes gray hair and 49 years old at the time of his offense he does not have as dead of eyes as the previous guy he looks like a sweet man to me, so I'm going to say that his accuser was 35 years old. She's claiming it was rape, and she's a woman, but he's really innocent.

He was exonerated. If you got that one right, you win. You win the game, if you correctly guess this woody would donate to this guy's legal fund based solely on his eyes i thought no one would be able to be on my side again until i watched the episode of pka podcast on youtube when this man would his game tag vindicated me he was he was innocent mr gamer tag sweet. As sweet as he is wrong. I raped that woman. And if you let me out, I'll do it again. Can't stop, won't stop.

He's doing that thing like Morgan Freeman does at the end of Shawshank Redemption. Are you rehabilitated from your crimes? Like, rehabilitated? I think about that rape each and every day, and each and every day, if I were to go back, I would do it again. So you tell me, am I rehabilitated? They're like, passed. Get out of here, you ruffian.

You know, get back on the streets. Go ahead and stamp your form. I got stuff to do. That's a good scene. All right, you guys go. All right, so what did he do? Who wants to drop off this one first? Didn't do anything.

Carry on. I know what he's going with, in a sense. I like that. Didn't do nothing. What do you got, Kyle? Ah, shit. I feel like he raped a woman who was of age. So let's say he was 49 when he did it.

Maybe he was tempted by a 25-year-old woman, and he went all the way. He raped her. You guys aren't answering in the right format. Your format presumes guilt. He did it in the back of the car with Bernice,

the 25-year-old grad student. And he used a candlestick. With his cock, okay. With a thick six. Alright, I'm saying Mr. Exum did it at his mother-in-law's house

with a friend of hers who is 32, and he did it with his cock and hands. Some heavy groping and petting. You show me one of these rapists who didn't use their hands, and I'll show you a future Olympian. Well, we don't know what's on the rest of this list, Kyle, so it might not be right. All right, let's see. I'd rape you with my hands behind my back, bitch. I'd go Conor McGregor on your ass.

You think I stopped raping when you put me in here? Run at you, humpin'. God damn it, you're retarded we're so bad at this you tried to pick up a 15 year old boy and he only got 30 months probation i told you he wasn't so bad enticing a minor he enticed me well this is definitely the guy you want to come over your house woody he likes 15 year old boys i have a 15 year old boy i'm also a personal trainer. Maybe I could help your son

with his deadlift. He does have to fix his form. Yeah, I'll straighten him right up. Arch that back. Get your butt up. No, no. We live naked in this house. Get those pants

off. Yeah, so 15-year-old enticing a man. this house. Get those pants off. Clothing is naturally constrictive of the anaerobic process. That's all stripped down, Mr. Woodward. It's Louis C.K. We all know what this guy did. He masturbated in front of women who

were only semi-willing. No, that's not louis ck that's that's ron howard's brother oh it's ron howard's brother yeah it is holy shit i don't know ron howard's brother oh well hang on a minute let's pause at this moment so i can show you ron howard's brother yeah because i'm totally on yeah you nailed that his name is clint Yeah, you nailed that. His name's Clint. Yeah, put up a picture of Ron Howard's brother next to him.

I apologize, but I just sent the Google image link. This guy looks... He's wearing a backpack in this picture. Oh! Yeah, I know this person. I'm going to live here and say the sex offender, a better looking man than Ron Howard's brother. Well, that's a low bar. Ron Howard's brother may be the ugliest man ever.

He is a hell of an actor, though. Steve Buscemi? No, I've loved Steve Buscemi long before. Steve Buscemi looks fantastic compared to this guy. Yes, Steve's got those teeth that look like they could give you gangrene, but otherwise, he's an odd looking guy. Sunken eyes. Sunken eyes, yeah. that looked like they could give you gangrene, but otherwise, he's... Well, he's an odd-looking guy. Sunken eyes.

Sunken eyes, yeah. I mean, he's not ugly. David Jerome Dick. He's 5'9", 187 pounds, blue eyes, blonde or strawberry hair, age at the time of the offense, 48. Can I jump in here? This guy likes little boys, all right?

Like, sometimes we'll see a picture of a maniac and, like, Florida man, and picture of a maniac and like Florida man. And we're like, well, shit, look at him. They should have locked him up as soon as he was spotted on the streets long before he actually committed a crime.

You, some people have the look of a deranged sick person. Okay. I'm not saying Clint Howard fucks little boys, but maybe probably almost. If I saw this guy on the street, I would ask him if he had a bit part in Spaceballs. And if he said no, I'd sprint in the other direction.

Exactly. Because I don't want to be around this race. So I'm going to say this guy, this guy, these are all, I've noticed that a lot of these guys are small, like 5'7", 5'9". I'm going to say he raped a little boy. Let's call the boy, let's call him Six. Okay. Little Timmy. I was like. in the observatory with i don't know what he's about to say if he calls this little boy colin he's really stepped over the line like let's call this well we went there a second ago oh well he's 15 and he lives this guy lives

right next to you i mean i feel like next time you're parkour look around for that guy okay taylor did you go it was a it was a 10 year old boy in the kitchen with his cock molesting oh these are the St. Louis people? All right, that's what I'm doing. He gave him a little molesting. I went first, Chiz. I said that he masturbated in front of 35-year-old women. Because he's Louis C.K.

I think you're going to get that wrong, and I'm happy for you to do it, because I'm racking up points over here. Far, far behind. Taylor's going to get all this stuff. Oh! I nailed it! You're coughing. You're so surprised. I nailed it.

I nailed it. He literally raped a six-year-old boy. That's perfect, Kyle. Well done. It's exactly what I said because I even said a nightstick. That is sodomy Mmm. Oh Her sodomy just means in the mouth or ass in the mouth or the ass Yeah, I think a lot of people don't know sodomy means mouth too

So they see these anti sodomy laws and think well, I don't have a sex anyway Mmm, you probably would be impacted. Yeah, if your girlfriends ever put put her finger in your butt, you're going to hell. Or to jail, depending on the state. You can't put your cock in your girlfriend's mouth. What kind of rule is that? Ah, so this guy was, this was not his first rodeo. This, what we're seeing here, was for an incident in

06, but he also had two counts of sodomy against him from an incident in 89 with a female also under the age of 14. So this just goes to show that people can be rehabilitated. He's the sodomy against him from an incident in 89 with a female also under the age of 14. So this just goes to show that people can be rehabilitated. He's the sodomizer. He's the sodomizer. You know, I was going to say he was either mouth or ass, but if he had

two counts of sodomy, he covered his bases. That's right. Alright, I skipped ahead to the last guy. I want to go first. Hang on, how many points do I get from that, Chiz? I got them all. I ran the table from that one. That puts me got them all. I ran the table. That puts me back in the game, baby. You're back in the game, my friend.

Last I saw, Taylor had eight. I don't know. Well, it'll be a surprise on who's winning at the end. All right. One, boys. Last, dude. I want to go first because he definitely sucks somebody's dick. This guy, he's just got that dick-sucking mouth.

He's trying right now in the photo. This guy, and i think it's a fairly large dickish like that's not a child's dick so i'll make the face he's making right now like do our best at it all right this guy sucked the dick of a 16-year-old boy. Bam. Sucked the dick of a 16-year-old boy. Okay. Kyle, what are you going with? I think I should get a point just for mimicking him so well. Can you do it again?

I didn't get to see you. You look like a terrified old man. So does he! You know what? Give Kyle a point. I say that's okay. It's like, who's lying? God, I think he likes girls.

Wait a minute, look at that shirt. No, no, he doesn't like girls. It does say, I like little boys on that shirt and that Conor McGregor style. He's 5'8", 200 pounds. He does not look like he could overpower any boy over the age of 13. Smart. I'm going to go 8-year-old boy here. You know what?

I'm going to go 3-year-old boy. I'm going to say that whatever you do to a 3-year-old boy, I guess I have to say something. Molestation, some sort of digital penetration. He did something awful to a 3-year-old boy. I guess I'll go with molestation of a three year old boy and what did you say Woody? that he sucked the dick of a 17 year old boy

okay this guy looks like a god damn maniac so it could be anything what the hell this guy has oral frusations. I think. 17-year-olds will stick their dick in anything. Everyone up until now has been the dick sticking into something else.

This would be the turn of the tide, as Gandalf would say, when the dick goes into him. So I'm going to say that he did suck the dick of someone but 17 is too old i'm gonna say he sucked the dick of a 10 year old boy and he did it in uh in the library in the uh in yeah in the library i like where you're headed because i'm not sure sucking a 17 year old dick is even a crime colonel mustard was what are you can change your age because i think he might be able to consent at that point. I'm going to make the kid 13. I only said 17 because his mouth was open wide enough for an adult dick.

Six-year-old girl and decent exposure. You got the, uh... He did riddle the kid and exposed himself to said child. Yeah, you got three points for sex. Well done. You know, you started off slow and dumb, but you finished up like a real pedophile.

Nicely done, Kyle. Who won? I did. Did you? I think Kyle may have come back. I don't Kyle. Who won? I did. Did you? I think Kyle may have come back. I don't know. It doesn't. Who knows.

Give me a sec to do the math. Banter. Banter. Well, just thanks for putting the game together. I had fun. I enjoyed the sex offender game. That was very fun, judging these people based solely upon their looks. I would like to do other games where we judge people solely upon their looks.

Like maybe next time we guess whether the person is... Retarded or ugly. A liberal or a child molester. Democratic senator or rapist. Both, both. It's him. I was hoping that one of these mug shots

would be a dude in a priest collar. He'd be like, ah! Diddle the boy! Oh, that would have been far too easy. But yeah, I have a game like this that I'm trying to set up. I just needed to be the producer to do it. Yeah. This was fun. I enjoyed it a lot.

Give us ideas for any games like this you think would be fun to watch or listen to. Because stuff like this is fun. I enjoy it. I wish there were more. Ooh. Well, the bonus point! No, the bonus point makes me

at 22. Oh, I misunderstood. Kyle got 21 points. The bonus would have made it 22. Taylor got 20 points, and I got 12. Are you making a crazy face? That's my Ricky Meek face. Looking at these results,

I don't think any of us would be an asset to any special victims unit across the nation. No way. Like, what did he do? Well, he fucked a kid in the library with where are you taking me? Like, I don't know why.

All right. Thank you very much. So, talking about kids and unpleasant things that are tangentially related to sex, here is a story about a nine-year-old boy who was accidentally, by quote-unquote mistake, circumcised at school in, I guess it's South Africa, where they didn't sign his permission slip to get his cockskin cut off, and yet he returned home

sans cockskin, and they are not pleased with it one bit. home sans coxkin and they are not pleased with it one bit well that's unfortunate taylor will you get your kids circumcised hell no no way totally against it i feel like that's the way that america is trending like you can only i think it was a natural thing that like for so long it was like you know people did but they thought. Like I'm circumcised. My mom and dad were like, oh, yeah, I guess that's what everybody does. It's, you know, it keeps it cleaner or whatever. It's it doesn't spread STDs. And it's like, that's all.

I had this talk with my mother. That's all fucking made up. That's all not true. Like, if anything, it increases your odds of getting an infection when you leave an open wound on a baby's cock and he's shitting into it all day. Like, of course, something like that's going to be worse. I don't think you know where penises are. Makes me wonder what you've got in your pants. How long is this baby cock

that it goes all the way to the ass crack? You clearly have not been around babies because they will shit and it will come out of the front. It's baffling how much shit they can produce. A couple of my friends have had children recently and just being around them, you like peep the diaper and it's like,ling how much shit they can produce. A couple of my friends have had children recently and just being around them, you peep the diaper and it's like, how could

it fill up that whole thing and have enough extra to spray on itself like you're an extra in fucking Apocalypto. On the Stern show, they had a competition between Sal Governale, one of the show contributors, and some guest to see which could fit the most M&Ms into their foreskin.

I mean, that's pretty fun. I i had four cents i compete yeah i don't i had a conversation with my mom one time i don't know how it came up but she's like you better thank me your grandmother didn't want you circumcised and i'm like thank you thank you dude this is like i've that is that is such a fucking pet peeve of mine is the defense of circumcision where it's like i'm happy i had my dick skin cut off i'm happy but i i wouldn't have it any other way it's like yeah well you didn't have a choice in the first place and it's not it's not normal to do that to kids like it's it's so fucked you see how weird that is that like everywhere else on earth like except for i guess israel you're saying because it's so fucked. Do you see how weird that is? That, like, everywhere else on Earth, except for, I guess, Israel. So you're saying because it's not natural, we should probably not do it.

I'm saying that you should keep sharp implements away from the genitals of children as a rule of thumb. Like, if there's nothing to fix, then don't try to fix it. And I don't think anybody's a bad person for, like, doing it because they thought it was the right thing to do. But we're getting to the point in the Internet that it's like, this is this is this is bad this is a bad thing you don't you don't want what's so bad about it because i don't think i think you're maybe more in touch with this topic than me it like it takes away a ton of sensitivity uh you can no longer uh jack off unless you use lotion that's not true you're well you can if you want it to be like not that good i guess you know if you're in a pinch you know you can everyone could be a dry guy

but ideally not be a dry guy and no i don't want to jack off with lube like that's no i i don't like doing that but like that's the thing is like It's really not like – kids die from it multiple times a year. They'll get infections or have something go wrong. I just got to suck on it a little. Well, that's what the moil does lots of times in New York. Some moils. Where they cut the dick skin off and they give it a little – They don't get baby AIDS.

They get baby herpes. Let's get it straight. No, they sometimes get like baby hep C and die. So you said that it's not cleaner. And I thought that part actually was true. No, it's like it's not cleaner the same way that if you're like, well, if we cut the kid's arms off, his underarm B.O. is going to be far less intense. It's like, well, how about you leave? Oh, that's hyperbolic. No, it's like this. We always talk about how fat people, no matter how much they wash, those folds have to get smelly by the end of the day. And having the folds means that they have to be extra vigilant, at the very least, about their showering practice. Like,

I don't know about you, but I wash up and down on my body and I get everywhere. I don't have to lift anything. I don't have to unfurl anything. Here's my argument that's pro-circumcision, and it's the one that I found makes the most sense because all I care about is sex in this regard. First of all, I do think it looks better. You should be on my team. No, you should be on my team. We're talking about masturbation. Listen, I don't want my penis to be more sensitive. I want it to be less sensitive. I want to be able to go longer. But here's the real key to the whole thing. There is no woman out there, none, who say, ooh, he's circumcised? No, thank you. However, it is undeniable that there are women out there who say, ew, he's not circumcised. No, thank you.

Case closed. Case closed. If the new trend was that there were some women out there who were like, ew, he's got his pinky fingers? No, thank you. I'd cut these fuckers off, bro. I don't care. I'd cut my baby's pinky fingers off with clippers. Whatever it takes. Whatever the social norm is, let's go with it. Now, you can argue

about cleanliness, sensitivity, cruelty. I don't remember this. I don't think I have any trauma from it. And no matter what you say, I've seen the gross stuff that comes out of Sal Governale's cock sometimes. It's called smegma. And I've also seen him explain, I've also seen him explain that when he urinates, he has to pull the skin back,

get some tissue, and dry out the inside of his foreskin. Okay? These are just not things that I would ever want to have to deal with. You're talking about one dude with foreskin, Howard Stern. They're not going to bring in a guy with great foreskin.

They're going to bring in a fucked up guy. He works on the show. He's been on there for like 20 years or something. He's not like a freak they bring in. I thought he was too. Well, if his dick was normal, they wouldn't have brought him out. I mean, they've got another guy who does the same thing. They've got another guy

that painted Sal's face with his cock live on the air. Like finger painting. Dipped his cock in paint and painted Sal's face. His dick's normal. I mean, it's a little small,

but his name's Richard. I mean, these are all interesting takes on circumcision. No, I nailed it. You can't beat that. I win this argument. Man, I've been stumped.

I guess we should just cut kids' genitals. Absolutely, we should. Just do it, right? Absolutely, yes. Dude, I know you're like tongue-in-cheek joking. Absolutely not. I'm 100% for it. I don't think it should be mandatory.

However, if I had a kid, he's getting circumcised. Dude, it's so fucked up. Like, knowing what we know today, to be like, yeah, just cut the tip of the kid's dick. Is it more fucked up than piercing a baby's ears? Yes. Yes, it absolutely is. How much more? I don't know. When you

take the earring out, it grows back, right? I suppose so, but we're still punching a hole in a two-year-old's ear with a machine. It seems like you take umbrage with that. You don't like that? I don't like that. And you like the cutting permanently of the skin off. So what's the difference? The baby doesn't remember. It's as soon as it comes out virtually. They usually do it at the hospital, like right away.

So if I, if some, I wouldn't because I'm younger than you, but if someone molested you at the age of four and you had no memory of it, you think that's all right. As long as you don't remember. There's a difference, I think, between an assault and a medical procedure that a doctor performs. Well, they're both things that are unnecessary that are causing permanent harm. If a doctor gave me an unnecessary rectal exam when I was a baby, I'd be okay with that too. If a doctor gave me an unnecessary three-stroke hand job when I was three, I wouldn't care. I'm telling you, I'm glad I'm circumcised. I would want my child to be circumcised, but I fully support everyone's right and opinion about not being circumcised.

No, you don't have a right- I wish you could be as tolerant as the rest of us, Taylor. I know, I'm a real bigot. I feel that your poor skin and tolerance is a sign of underlying skin and tolerance. Jordan Peterson would say that Taylor has a very high disgust component

of his personality. He is completely intolerant of the other side. I'm really like, you know, I give parents a little leeway to make the best decision they think they can make. They're just acting on their kid's behalf. You are intolerant of people who don't line up with you. Oh, I absolutely am in this.

And some arguments, there is no middle ground. There's no middle ground to be had. And when the argument against it's, well, you should be able to cut this baby's dick skin off permanently as he's screaming a few minutes old because it looks better. We should we should maim him permanently, risk something getting fucked up because some women prefer that. Whereas the other side, my side, is let's not prefer perform elective surgeries on children needlessly. So maybe we shouldn't remove the umbilical cord either. Maybe we should just let that let that dangle. That's totally the same because the umbilical cord either maybe we should just let that let that

dangle that's totally the same because the umbilical cord sticks with you your whole life right unscathed i mean i don't know how long it would last if we didn't cut it off almost it would go away like do you think in the wild like they would always like cut the umbilical cord immediately right like it'll dry up and crisp away like when a baby gets the umbilical cord cut like it doesn't turn into a belly button right away. It's like a gross, gnarled up root that takes time to fall off. Like that – it would fall off naturally on its own. If you don't – if you leave a baby with his foreskin walking around, you're not going to be walking behind him as he –

walking around. You go, oh, his foreskin fell off. Oh, he's becoming a little man. Why are you so well-schooled in the first couple weeks of a kid's life? I didn't know this before I had kids. The first couple weeks. You don't life? I didn't know this before I had kids. The first couple weeks. You don't have an older sibling who's, like, ahead.

Oh, I just, I have, I'm at the age where tons of my friends are having children. And I'm around them. Okay, okay. Where I see them constantly. And so, like, I'm seeing them, like, at different ages. That makes perfect sense. I was wondering, like, why does Taylor know so much? I didn't know shit. But I was, like, the first of my friend group to have the kids so i was

well i live near three grade schools but no closer than 500 yards yeah i'm glad chiz is on my side with this he is i'm really just like all bets aside we circumcised colin i'm sure he want you all to know and uh i don't know if it was the right call or not it was basically it came down to like i see a lot arguments against this but i'm circumcised and i i guess it sounds pedo to almost phrase it this way but i thought he'd want to look like his dad that's right then he'd you know the one you feel like something was wrong with him if he didn't look like his dad and that was probably the uh you know the tiebreaker in the pro and con but did you consider having a foreskin added to yourself to spare him that no if that had been an option. Like a couple of donation eyelids from the morgue. If they could have removed a bit of thigh skin, a little bit of thigh flesh, and given you a foreskin to spare Colin that pain.

It'd be liposuction plus foreskin adding. There was an episode of Friends where Joey was an aspiring actor in the show, his character was. And he was trying out for this part that was like a period piece. He's like 17th century France or something. He's like a stable boy who appears nude. The problem was they were looking for a non-circumcised actor. So he's got a tray of lunch meats. And he's trying one piece after another

to see which one works. And he finally finds that a bit of prosciutto or something like that wrapped around just right. A little gabagool. A little gabagool. Looks like foreskin. So he gets his lunch meat, applies it to his cock,

and he goes in and he's standing there nude. And they're like, he does his lines and they're like, excellent, excellent, nice job nice job, and he's getting the roll and then you hear, flop and everybody looks down, it's falling off on the floor my foreskin

is anybody gonna get that? he should have screamed in pain, right? ah! it's so naughty. I guess it does look a little better. Not nearly as greasy. I'm glad we had that little discussion again, and I won again. I won again.

You're just a winner, man. What do you think about... Two for two tonight. So if you lived in Kenya, you would be the guy that's like, Mugube, you must cut the clit off of your young girl. None of the boys here want to see a clit. If they put their pants down and they see a clit, they will become very angry. It is in her best interest you cut it off.

Here are my old tonic clippers. I wonder what a clit circumcision looks like. I don't think that's analogous. Well, a clit circumcision. No, because that's a different culture that is not like yours. Let me finish. So you don't like it. I don't think it's analogous because removing the clit is analogous to removing the penis. You're wrong in this way.

There are many... You're talking about it like it's just removing the clit. I'm fully aware of the procedure. You're clearly not. The comparison would be removing the clitoral hood, which is the female equivalent of a foreskin. And I'm for that. And I think that if I were a girl, I would want my clitoral hood removed

because then the clitoris is always exposed, always ready for a good flicking of the beam, more sensitive, and she's not going to remember it. Taylor, I don't mean to gang up on you, but Kyle's winning me over with this clitoral hood removal thing. We could all be masters in bed if it wasn't for that clitoral hood playing goalie against her orgasms. I'm

trying to make things happen for this young lady, and I have only, I have two hands and a mouth, and one of my hands, sole duty, is exposing the clitoris. What if I had that hand for you now? One of my hands is required to hold me from the jungle gym, and there's only so much I can do with the

remaining hand. That's right. I mean, these are thoughts. Checkmate. Checkmate. Checkmate. Boom. Roasted. So you want little girls walking around with exposed

clits, like their pants are always uncomfortable, rubbing against their sensitive little clits. You better wear a dress and some crotchless panties. every time you pop on an exercise back you're gonna have like eight orgasms yeah absolutely i want that i want that for me if i were a girl i'd be like yes can i do it now is it too late is it too late can you make it bigger can seven can all seven of our female listeners weigh in do you have your clit hoods and would you like to get rid of them they all apply unfortunately yes kyle's 100 on board kyle's right i hate this damned clit hood every day i get naked look in the mirror and pull up

my clit hood and just think, why can't you always be there, little fella? By the way, I was talking to a girl recently. She told me that she is intending to get a labioplasty. She doesn't have a lot. Did you make her feel bad? I think you made her feel bad. I know you.

No, I know. That's not what happened at all. Did you eat labia for breakfast? Kyle's a well-known labist. He's a lab prejudice. I'm just saying. I influenced one person out there and she's going to do the right thing.

It's not like she had a crazy amount of stuff going on down there. But, you know, there's always another level of perfection that can be achieved. I should have known better than to bring up clitoral partial or full circumcision to Kyle in an argument

after how many times you've made it abundantly clear you are all in favor of sniffing those labia down with some garden shears if need be. That was an unforced error, Taylor. We all know his position on this. Yeah. This backs me up on this one. Here, I have a video to watch.

Is it about clit hoods? It is not. It is a totally new topic. And I'm bored of it. Girl gets pissed too. I haven't seen the first one. Am I going to understand it? So, I've seen the first one. Am I going to understand it? So there's a dude on a motorcycle. He passes a girl. They flip on the bird.

And you can watch his reply. It's three minutes. But maybe just we'll – you need to see the beginning and the end. So I'll work on skipping ahead. Are you guys ready? Set. Play. I got someone on a red crotch rocket.

He sees a girl. You can't tell. There's a girl or two in the car in front of him. And they're going slower than he'd like them to go. He passes on the double yellow And what you don't know is they flipped him the bird For passing on the double yellow And he is really upset about this He's waving his hands

He's not sure What their problem is. He's giving a, come on now. Yeah, he's overreacting to this. When someone flips you off, you give them the toot-a-loo. They don't know what to make of it, and they get so much more mad than if you flipped them back off. You give them the toot-a-loo.

Smile. So, I don't know if I want to burn the next two minutes getting there, but it's only one minute. We'll just let it play through. He's going to drive crazy for the next minute because he's still not over this bird incident. What a pussy. Yes, yes. He's pulled over and he's let them go by.

And now he's going to fucking pass them again. He's going 50 miles, 60 miles, 80 miles, 90 miles per hour. 100 miles per hour. No, 85. I'm sorry. Now he's 105 miles per hour. Topped out at

107 as he passed him the second time. Such a shame this guy doesn't get in an accident. Now he's slowing down again. Going 30. Does this guy have anywhere to go? He's just messing with these girls. Yeah, for a pleasure ride. Did you notice there's a stop sign coming up?

No. There's a yellow stop sign. Okay. Signs. Yeah, so he's going 25 to be an asshole, I guess. Oh, but he is coming to a stop, so. Yeah, so now he stops at the stop sign, parks his bike across the entire lane diagonally.

Why are you flicking me off? Why are you flicking me off? Because you were going around me. Yeah, so what? You were going slower than me. I'm not getting in your way. You don't got to be a bitch and flick me off. I didn't do nothing to you.

What a prick. Just don't be an asshole. You're going to get your mirror smashed off. Jesus. She's apologizing. What the hell is wrong with you? There's a kid in the car. She submissively apologizes.

And he responds with, do your head, flips to the bird, says get the fuck out of here, and drives on. And that's about the end of it. He just keeps driving super fast. This guy recorded this video on his helmet cam and was confident enough in his sense of right and wrong that he uploaded it to YouTube. Yeah, that's what's always surprising about this. I bet he's not circumcised and he's proud of it. God, checkmate it again.

Grandmaster Kyle over here, dropping hammers. Checkmates. Rooking bishop strategies all over the place. Yeah, this guy's a prick. And I always think of that same thing, Woody, where you see a really douchey video put from the perspective of the douche and you're like this guy's even douchier than i thought because he saw this watched it clipped it down and went everyone's gonna see i'm right as i bully this woman and her child after antagonizing them like what the other seat

i didn't see like you did i assume it was a kid yeah it looked like a young kid double yellow he's wrong with that kind of driving it's only a matter of time until you know lord willing he dies god forbid he runs into someone or someone runs into him and they damage their car or get injured i give him a little bit of slack on the double yellow thing uh if that was all he did pass a car in a not very populated double yellow. Because the thing about motorcycles, the real danger is somebody hitting you. They are harder to see, and you are really vulnerable. So when I see a motorcyclist, like, for example, go to the front of the line on the red light and then just take off in front, I think that's cool.

Now he doesn't have any traffic next to him, and I wasn't going to do that anyway. I wasn't going to take off and go from zero to 105 seconds. Yeah, exactly. He didn't slow anyone else down. And they have so much acceleration as far as the double line thing goes, especially in that specific scenario that he was around her, past her, back in the lane in an extremely short amount of time a safe amount of time as a motorcycle um sorry i sometimes will break a traffic law to get clear space so i don't have any cars around me now i don't do what he did quite there you know that double yellow you could

just chill and it wasn't that busy but you know whatever but man how he thought he needed to avenge that middle finger business. He was in crazy town. Yeah. Like who wants, who really needs to avenge a, uh, uh, someone flipped me off today and did this kind of shit on my, uh, as I was driving in and like, all I did was, you know, the thing people do where like, you're trying to get into the fast lane and i'm going 75 and they're going behind me like a hundred but i get into the lane like a quarter mile ahead of them and it's and they still keep going a hundred and then they get like right behind you and they're mad at you because like you're like you're only going 80 it's like

yeah now i'm going 80 we're in the fast lane. We're in the city. You can't just be going 100. You're going to get pulled over, you dumb cunt. And it was a dumb cunt. And she pulled up right behind me. I got really close and then got into two lanes over and did her really fast acceleration. And I will admit, I did a second of really fast acceleration.

I'm like, I'll do this. It's 9 a.m. or 8 a.m. I went like, eh. And I was like, okay, no. You're an adult'm like i'll do this you know it's 9 a.m or 8 a.m i'm ready i went like and i was like okay no you're an adult you don't do this and she got in front of me and did a brake check like a slam on the brake and like so much so that like my phone i was listening to something i didn't have it plugged in because it wasn't that you know it wasn't worth it i just had it sitting in my cup holder playing and like my phone like i slid on my brakes so hard they flew forward and you know what i did in response nothing because i'm an adult and i knew this whore is hopefully getting beaten by her husband at home

or i hope fingers crossed she's killed in a tragic accident. You're the only one in the car, so enjoy your nice, cool, white Ford Fusion, which actually are pretty nice cars, the new Ford Fusions. They're nicer than you think. You have the worst taste in cars. They're nice. They're not bad. Maybe I'm wrong.

All right, I'm Googling. Hold on. I don't have great taste in cars. That's fair. Like Kyle said, Honda Accord for the young person car I think you guys gave me shit when I said that might be my next car but I think I'm leaning more

towards SUV probably that's because your man in your mid 20's trying to get pussy I mean maybe not at this moment or whatever but then you know maybe that's not the vehicle to accomplish that most readily I've never gotten pussy because of a car actually And maybe that's not the vehicle to accomplish that most readily. I've never gotten pussy because of a car.

Actually, I rate the Ford Fusion as medium. Medium? You never roll with that attitude. Thank you, Chiz. Yeah, dude. I guess my theory is that girls do like cars, but that stops early, right? Once they get out of high school or maybe college. What about your neighbor?

I could have fucked your neighbor. That's actually true. Why didn't you? Yeah. I didn't know she was interested. Or I'd have been sleeping over at her house instead of in Colin's room. I bet her toys are cooler. I got bored after like two hours playing with all that Minecraft shit.

I was really surprised by that. That was a grown woman. She would be older than Kyle's normal girl. You'd be surprised. And yes, I would be surprised. But yes, she was telling us afterwards. She's like, who had that IROC?

Or Chimera, I guess. I don't know if it's an i-rock but who had that camera she was really just super attracted to that camaro she thought it was she thought it was awesome i didn't know i i didn't know either when i purchased it i bought it because like in 2005 when i first saw the concept drawing i would just fell in love with that car and uh and uh and i i was like i'm gonna get one of those when i can and i and i did i fucking love it and but but yeah i've definitely had several instances of like girls who really liked the car and that was maybe not the reason that like they dated me or hooked up with me or whatever but it was the instigating moment you know part of the

package it was it was kind of what started the conversation like there was a girl at a at a drive-thru once and i pulled through and she's like that's a really nice car and i i immediately said would you like to drive it and she's like yes i was i what time do you get off? 9. Okay, I'll be back at 9. Nice! Are either of you thinking about a new car? I know Kyle's truck I think is older. Yeah, I haven't been driving it much at all. I almost drive the Camaro exclusively.

I don't know. I still like it. I mean, the new ones have changed body style slightly and I do like the new body style better. But like, I don't know. I walked out of a building yesterday and I looked at my car and I was like it looks good it looks good I I like it you know there's no scratches or dings on it anywhere and it's uh it still runs fine it doesn't have any issues whatsoever and you know I I pay cash for it I don't have a car payment and uh you know a new car the car that I would you know if i replaced it i'd be coming out

of pocket for 45 000 or something like that and just like am i getting 45 000 more car than what i've got now nah like so i'm gonna drive mine until at least for another couple years until maybe it has an issue or or something really cool that's a good value comes out but if i were if i were if i crashed it today you know if i totaled it i'd probably get a brand new one i'd get a new uh super sport camaro because they look really cool taylor i'm gonna drive my car until it is just undriveable and falls apart and then i'm gonna get fucking a toyota highlander or honda pilot i don't know some some reasonable probably suv i just i'm i'm thankful for it that i just i really don't care about cars like i i just don't not not

a little bit of me like if i see a car like that's neat i'll be like that's that's pretty neat that's why suv what it helps there uh i drove a je a Jeep in high school and college for a lot of the time. And I liked sitting higher. And so I want to get back to an SUV preferably. And Kyle, you were saying, oh, going to college, being a Jeep, you're going to get a Pita and Greenpeace on your case. What really happens is you become the guy that has to drive all sorts of people to walmart for shopping trips because nobody else has a car big enough to fit groceries and then yeah you don't like that was the thing that you figured out quick is like you don't let anybody know you have

an suv i knew a guy and when he went to college his uh he got into like uga or something something um that he'd been aiming for and his parents had told him if you get into uga we'll buy you a car you know and then they gave him a pretty steep uh allowance for that car you know he could have had really anything he wanted within reason and he asked for a minivan he asked for like a brand new like the limited edition like leather seats and shit minivan he's like she did he did i'm fucking with him and he's like and's like, I want to put all my friends in here. This thing's got three rows of rear seating. It's got a fucking plasma TV that folds down. I want the minivan.

That's not my... You know what? It's kind of badass through that lens. I don't know. He'd fill it up with 11 friends or something like that and go. Dude, if you're in college and some guy pulls up in his Camaro and is like, yeah, let's go for a joyride. It's going to be fun.

And then some other guy pulls up in his Honda Odyssey with his custom ice cream music van with his horn. It's going to be really festive. And he opens it up, and there's some cold beers and things in there he's like hop in party bus everybody's hopping in that guy's car that guy's the bell of the ball and he's got shrek 2 playing two yeah you rethink that kyle you've got gushers in the back fruit roll-ups i'm gonna bring orange slices capri sun it's gonna be great taking all the kids to soccer practice. The girl thing definitely is a thing, though. I remember my dad

telling me about when he was a young gentleman and he always had Corvettes. They always had Stingray Corvettes when he was in his 20s. And he was like, I went into a store and there was a pretty lady in there and she was like, that's a nice car. And he was like, I told her, yeah, go hop in it.

I'll be out in a minute. And he was like, I didn't really think anything it i'll be out in a minute and he was like i i didn't really think anything of it went out there she was in it oh lamar and he's still driving around in his hot rods he's got a he's got a camaro and uh 55 and a couple other little things. He's always fixing cars up. I've got a hypothetical question for you guys I was thinking about. So a man murders, or in keeping with our theme of Chiz's Game, rapes then murders someone.

No, no, no, no, no. Murders then rapes. Murders then rapes. He's a mappist, a murderer of sorts. And he does what he does. They catch him, put him in prison. The prisoners dislike him so much, even though he gets put on death row, rather. And when he's out on the fucking yard or whatever the hell, they find him and they beat him up so bad, they beat him retarded, so that he doesn't know his past he doesn't know anything about himself

he's just a feeble like like like scared all the time like now he's not at all the brutal like yeah i'm gonna rape and murder people he's not that guy at all anymore he has no memory of that at all he's he's not even the same person do you leave that person on death row or not release him death row or not release them i'm interested so i am instantly on the release and train i'm half wondering if maybe this is an option we should offer to murderers right like hey you can have death row or schoolyard beatdowns until you're retarded lobotomy now you can have the electric chair, or you can take three retard pills a day

for the next week, and like, what's it gonna do to me? Oh, you're gonna get pretty retarded. Like, will I be able to care myself? Oh, yeah, I saw those on Rogan. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you're gonna need to take some nootropic alpha brain, and then chase that with a little bit of bone broth and Alex Jones fucking keratin paste

or the fuck that guy's doing now. Some omega brain. Omega brain. I was thinking about that one where it's like, yeah, he did do it, but is it even the same person at that point? It doesn't seem like it. It seems like you transfer that person

to a mental home or something. If I learned anything about our woman of the year, all you need to do is sex change. You can get away with vehicular homicide. So I don't know why this wouldn't work. That's true. Caitlyn Jenner did kill those people. That was such a slap in the face.

Buckle up, buckaroos. I like the way they animate him so he only talks out of one side of his mouth. Because that's pretty accurate. He does kind of talk out of the side of his mouth like that. Hey, Jon Jones didn't kill anybody, Chiz, okay? He just broke that pregnant woman's arm. That is all he did.

Oh, we talked about that. Yeah. By the way, Jon Jones received a 15-month suspension from the sport for his steroid use. Why was it so low? Oh, Taylor's leaving. from the sport for his steroid use. Why was it so low? Oh, Taylor's leaving. However, the important thing to remember is

he got busted about, what, 11 months ago. So you fight next month? They did it retroactive. Time served, baby. He's back in the game. Jon Bones Jones is coming back, Cormier. Cormier looks scared. Why was it so little, Kyle?

Because he's Jon fucking Jones, and he makes... I was setting you up. He snitched. He snitched on the other competitors and the people that supplied him with his drugs. Good. So they cut it down from something really long, like 30 months or 60 months to 15.

Excellent, excellent. Get him back in the game. Cormier looked fucking scared on ESPN. He looked fucking scared. He knows what's coming for him. The other guys like, like there's maybe a fight in the works now. He's like, listen, uh, uh, I, I, I gotta fight Brock Lesnar. Uh, Brock Lesnar's the, what I'm gonna do. And, and you know, I guess, you know, he beat me twice. So as a competitor, uh, you know, that's something maybe, you know, pussy. Cormier's scared.

He knows what's coming. He's losing both those belts to Jones. Allow me to predict the future for you. Notre Dame, if you will. Fuck you. He beats Brock Lesnar, whoops him up, out-wrestles the man because he is a much better fighter. Then he cuts the weight. He gets down to 205. He's never missed

weight. Don't tell me. And a roidless John Jones gets his ass beat. DC retires. Drops the mic. We can put some money on that one too because here's what's going to happen. They fight for the heavyweight belt first.

Jones beats him so bloody he loses enough weight right then and there to drop to light heavyweight, and then he just continues the beating and takes both belts. That's what's fucking coming. Jon Jones is not afraid of Daniel Cormier. Jon Jones is going to knock him out, or elbow

him in the fucking temple, or bleed him dry, or submit him, or do whatever he wants to do again. He can't fuck with that man and look i'm not a john well i'm not a john well until he wasn't yeah but they haven't fought fair yet right like he's he's cheated every time right i don't think it's gonna matter i don't think it's gonna matter i think john jones is the most dangerous man on the planet period doesn't matter what weight class,

you throw him in there with fucking Ray Cejudo and Conor McGregor and just let them fight him tag team style and he will literally beat them both. Tag team style, right? You know, every time one of them gets a little beat up, if he can get over there and clap, slap Conor McGregor's hand, Ray gets out and they try to, you know, get the smelling salts under his nose or whatever while Conor dances around with him for a minute and he takes Conor McGregor's hand. Ray gets out and they try to get the smelling salts under his nose or whatever while Conor dances around with him for a minute. He takes Conor down and Conor slaps Ray in and it wouldn't matter. Jon Jones is the most dangerous man.

I don't like the guy. He's a scumbag motherfucker. He's almost positively a cheater. He is a cheater. He's a cheater. He's a thug. He's a fake religious guy, which is the worst kind. If you're religious, I can respect that. No, no, no. If you're religious, I can respect that.

He's a fake religious guy. He uses that as kind of a shield to deflect insults and criticisms. He's a terrible human being. His fighting style in a lot of his fights is virtually cheating. Forget his steroid use.

He pokes people in the eye. This is the guy who hides under the mat from testers. Terrible human being. Best fighter on the planet. That's just the way it goes. Maybe not if he's not cheating. You don't know. If steroids didn't make an enormous amount of difference, then they wouldn't bother doing them. Yeah. You take steroids away from Jon Jones, and he's the fourth best fighter in the weight class. Well, there's only one way to find out.

Or rather, you guys will see and relay it to me. Did you hear Tyron Woodley's little snippet of his single? He's dropping a single out there. The song is called, I'm Gonna Beat Yo Ass. Oh, I had no idea he was such a poet. It's pretty simple. He basically says,

I'm gonna beat yo ass. For real, though. He does ass with ass. It was pretty awful. I just heard a snippet of it that was like two minutes two two three minutes long you know it was terrible it was awful what was wonderful though and fucking broke youtube's music record for views in like two days was m&m's disc of machine gun kelly which i've listened to three or four times now and is how fucking outrageous it's excellent it's amazing uh. It got 38 million views

in two days or something like that. I think now it's 60-70 million views. Really good stuff. Eminem's good at what he fucking does. He's over there rubbing the salt in the wound. He made Cormier cry in the ring. That's because Cormier's a kind-hearted man.

You're both right. It's true. He is a kind-hearted man. You're both right. It's true. He is a kind-hearted man. He's really sweet. He's turning 40, and that's old for a fighter. Yeah, it absolutely is. And, you know, he is the opposite of Jon Jones, morally speaking, and, you know, integrity speaking and all of that.

He is the good guy. integrity speaking and all of that. He is the good guy. But your good guy is only as great as your bad guy is evil. And that applies to movies, books, wrestling, anything. The badder your bad guy is, the greater your good guy is. You don't have He-Man if you don't have fucking Skeletor. You can't have Hulk Hogan if you don't have fucking Skeletor. You can't have Hulk Hogan if you don't have Andre the Giant. And you can't have a great Cormier without a great Jon Jones.

So I'm looking forward to it. I hope they fight again. Did Cormier get his tooth fixed? I know he was getting it fixed. Did you see it? I don't know. You would think that's the sort of thing that he would wait until he's out of the game. So I watched it embedded. it was all on YouTube.

Cormier went to the dentist to get his tooth fixed and he's like getting measured up and such. And Cormier is like, look, I know I'm missing this tooth. I lost it fighting. You know, it's not poor hygiene or anything. And I always told myself that, you know, I was going to retire, was headed out of the game. I would get this tooth fixed. So here I am getting all measured up and molds taken and things like that it's like life after this involves espn and the broadcasting booth and i'd like to have a better smile so he's on his way out

so oh i think he did fix it up every year say that again they like they fix all their teeth and up every year. Say that again. They like they fix all their teeth and injuries every year. UFC guys do. No, no. Cormier said he was saving it for the end of his career. It looks fixed to me. I just saw him sort of half smile in this interview about Jones.

And it was a top front tooth, right? That's right. Yeah, it was like not the center, but like, you but like next to the center, I think. Yeah, he's got it fixed, though. He's on his way out. I think he might have one of those removable bridges that I associate with hockey players. Yep. For now.

Hockey players do that. Why would you pay money to fix it if it's just going to get knocked out again next game or next match? Unless you're very confident about beating... Because it's your teeth. Yeah, that next match. Unless you're very confident about beating... Yeah, that's true. Have you seen how much Brock Lesnar has slimmed down? He's little Brock now.

Everyone's talking about it, but it's... I can hardly... He still looks huge to me. Where's the slimness? Let me find a before and after. He's much smaller. Huh. Getting off his cycle?

Yeah. I mean, I can't imagine how small this guy could be. Much smaller than he was. He wore a fucking t-shirt last time he walked out. Fits into people clothes now. Look at him. He's wearing a fucking shirt. He's covering up.

You don't do that when you're looking enormous. I'm looking. I'm looking. The fact that that could be someone smaller is insane. What you got to keep in mind is what he normally looks like. Oh, I know. I'm just saying he's still yoked. Who's he fighting? Daniel Cormier. Yeah, he's coming back to fight daniel cormier um and he's not favored at all in that because daniel cormier is like a professional fighter and he's like a brock used to be the ufc champion at heavyweight yeah but wasn't that kind

of like a farce a little bit where it was like oh we want you to come do it to do two fights all right you're ready for the championship like wasn't it how they did it he was very good until he got um colitis or something like that or and he had to have like a a bunch of his intestines removed and it was a real serious injury that prevented him from from doing his thing kyle's right but also taylor's right like his road to the title was easy by comparison he he uh i think he got brock or mere what the hell frank mere beat him and then he fought someone else then maybe he beat frank mere got a title shot but he fought fought like, who's the old guy, Captain America? Randy Couture, I think, he beat to get the title shot.

And which, you know, Randy Couture is not even a heavyweight, really. He was a light heavyweight his whole career. He beat Min-Soo Kim. He lost to Mir. He beat Heath Haring, Randy Couture. He beat Frank Mir in the rematch. He beat Shane Carwin. He lost to C in the rematch. He beat Shane Carwin. He lost to Cain Velasquez.

He lost to Overeem. And there was a no contest with Mark Hunt. He beat Mark Hunt, but he was on steroids. So Shane Carwin, broken down Mir, and Heath Haring. He doesn't have great wins on his resume. He's got some great losses. And you can't say steroids because he was always on steroids.

He was always on steroids in all the fights. I mean, if you discount the Frank, the Mark Hunt win, then we might as well discount all of his wins. I can do that. Which we could do. Which we could do. Yeah. But I would argue the people that he beat were on steroids too. Randy Couture as champion at like 47, looking 27.

That guy was on steroids also. He looked so good. It was like, oh my God, he's Captain America. You're an inspiration that maybe I'll look like that in two years. Right? He looked great. Sure, I didn't look like that at 27, but 47, that could be my 27. Male athleticism renaissance.

It was impressive. Can you imagine how frustrating it's going to be if we get to be like 70 or 80 and then they figure out how to keep you young? I feel like that's me. That's where I am. They're already cracking the code. In Germany, they've got some old mice that look like really young mice. You know, I'm just going to miss this by a little bit.

You, on the other hand, like when you're 50, we'll be like, you know, there's some affordable shit out there that options there for me. I hope so. That'd be nice. When I'm 50, you'll be alive, Woody. You'll be fine. Yeah, but they won't be able to fix that shit. How much older am I? 20 years? Like 18 years older than me, I think. Okay. Yeah, so I'll be 68. They don't turn 68 back to 18. That's not how that works. No.

I'm sorry. Oh, go ahead. One of the Patreon questions. If you could live forever, but your family and friends friends didn't would you? You say the look you are now. So Kyle would be in his 30s, Taylor 20s and I would look 700. Yeah I'd do that. I mean that's basically becoming a vampire without all the negatives

and superpowers. I mean the negative is seeing everyone you ever will or have or will care about die you know. Yeah I'd do that. I don't know I don't think think dying is gonna make me feel any better i think that once you get to year 600 or year even before that like you're 290 or something and you've let three like loves of your life or whatever live and die like you're gonna be like i feel like you'll just kill yourself. Well, my Amazon stock is going to be doing great. So I think I'll be able to wipe those tears away

and just tough it out. Yeah, I'll live forever. If killing yourself is an option, then this is a great thing to do, right? Oh yeah. You get paralyzed the second day. Let's assume that my body can only get better, right? I can work hard, I can improve it and then that becomes the new like ratchet forward right let's assume that that's that life

yeah the problem is how does this end a trillion years from now do i go hurtling into the sun and still not die am i alone on a desolate empty planet am I like, I'm a little worried about the long term here. You know, like the thousand years that I really enjoy of my life coming up might be a very small section of the rest of my life if I live forever. If I can kill myself, then yeah, I guess I would do that. It would be sad, but I'd probably just go through family after family and take this ride repeatedly yeah but if i can't die oh my god there could be a hell in front of me yeah if if you can kill yourself i think it's a no-brainer you would do it if you can't kill yourself i would say no like i'm picturing it the same way as you. What if 2100 rolls around and that's when

the nuclear holocaust happens and you're left there alone on a desolate, destroyed planet, void of life, and you're just there? You go into madness, but you can't even, there's no one. That would be torture, that would be worse than any hell you could imagine like and then what like as the sun slowly or becomes a you know red giant and engulfs the earth are you like a jettisoned out just into space and you're just floating there for all eternity like oh no way like that would be way too risky if you can't kill yourself do you watch doctor who at all no oh they they play with this concept a little bit and they show someone who's nothing but like a piece of stretched out skin and there's a characters like go back and forth in time but they can't die and uh it could be a pretty unpleasant ending so yeah i would imagine so

uh choose for a reincarnation but i'm not talking about the doctor himself i'm talking about another character in the show yeah i don't know i would say no unless you can kill yourself no i wouldn't do it yeah because kyle you would unless you can kill yourself you wouldn't do it either would you like would you be fine floating around for all eternity in space by yourself going mad um yeah i'd be okay with that kyle might be a short-term thinker on this, but he's confident. He'll have a lot of time to think. I mean, if I just incinerate my body, then I die. I don't know what kind of magic we're talking here, but I assume that basically I will never age, and I'll never get any sort of cellular degradation or any sort of cancers or be affected by any disease whatsoever. However,

I'm not God. So if we remove my head from my body, I'll surely die. No, I see. You missed the rules. Yeah. The rule was you don't die. Well, you got to come up with some rules that make sense because what if we just burn me? What if we sedate me and then incinerate me? The whole premise doesn't make sense. The whole premise of living forever isn't one that we have because i was saying the downside is the whole planet dies it's not even habitable anymore you're hurtling towards the sun thousands of years from now millions of years from now and you just have a hell on earth that you can't escape from yeah and then you're still just sitting there breathing in

molten fucking hydrogen or whatever the hell like that'd be terrible you would you would beg for death the thousand years that you're thinking of now that you might really enjoy could be a very small portion of the rest of your life yeah it's like let's say you have a dope ass 2 000 years like the best 2 000 years you could ask for and then inevitably humanity gets into a big war everyone's exterminated you're left and now you've got all of eternity how about this the way you die is when the the the the entropy of the universe reaches maximum to where everything is spreading out. Everything's spreading out because it's just expanding into nothingness

and you just are stretched apart until you just are a thin one line segment in death. Wow, you could even just say the earth goes back into the sun or something back into, like the earth gets sucked in. Nope. Trying to make it scarier.

Even longer. Even longer. You have to wait until the whole universe goes back. Yep. Quadrillions of years, probably. I don't think I'm going to survive that whole supernova in like two billion years. You can't die! That's the whole crux of the whole thing.

I reject part of your magic. Yeah. I refuse your hypothetical and substitute my own. Yeah, absolutely. It's just, you have to explain how it works. Because what happens if we incinerate me? part of your magic. I refuse your hypothetical and substitute my own. You have to explain how it works because what happens if we incinerate me and I'm dust? Am I just dust particles going ahhh! Yes, and you won't like it.

You'll regret that move. You'll never get laid. You'll be like, I used to have a penis and now I have dust. Now you would be immune, Kyle. You wouldn't burn. No, you would be immune, Kyle. You wouldn't burn. Yeah, I don't buy it. Okay, okay. That makes sense too.

You are a god. And you'd suck the British version of Hugh's dick in a fantasy, like in Sonny. Oh, that I'd like. Seven hundred pound man dies after being removed from a chair. There is an attached video here. A bit of a news story, if you will. Oh, no. Oh, yes.

I'm ready. I'm queued at zero. All right. Ready, set, play. More than 700 pounds is dead. And what is even more disturbing, All right. Ready, set, play. More than 700 pounds is dead. And what is even more disturbing, investigators say he came home from the hospital after he hurt his knee, sat in a chair, and was never able to get out.

That was back in March. That means for eight months the man never moved. That means he pooped in the chair. Oh, yeah. How do you even know that she had a husband? Wednesday, EMS came to this Greenwood County home and found... Look at the trailer. Didn't see that coming. ...Tillman Webb sitting in the chair.

The court said he weighed between 700 and 900 pounds and had been stuck in the chair since March. He weighed between 700 and 900. ...unable to even go to the bathroom, which left him sitting in his own urine and feces. And there was dog feces all over the house the dog Say they had no idea a man even lived inside. I mean how someone said that His wife lives with him, right? How can his wife sit there and watch him just pretty much deteriorate like that?

The report said he had to be cut out of the chair because the sores on his body had become attached to the chair itself. Rescue crews even having to cut part of the wall to get him out. Was he alive or dead when they cut him out of the chair? Haul him out on a ladder.

I mean, come on. That's safe. Meanwhile, the Greenwood County Sheriff's Office said Webb's wife fed him and took care of him as best she could. Therefore, they say charges will not be filed against anyone. They told us apparently Webb was too embarrassed about his size

to ask for help. The coroner says he died from conditions caused from being so overweight. Oh, I thought for a little bit that the chair cutting was the cause of death. I'm sure it contributed. No, I think they cut his dead body out of the chair. They did, yes.

Yeah. You thought that the removal from the chair is what they did. Yeah, I thought, yeah, they gave him some sort of hack job Lego suction to get him out of the chair. No, I think what it was is the chair contributed to the death because you shit in that and you let your sores grow into it and you're going to get septic. You'll start to rot, like get necrotic. I had built up this thing in my head where they're like, well, we got to get him out of the chair.

Who has a machete? Steak knife? That'll work. Fire axe. Fire axe? All right. I'll'll work. Fire axe. Fire axe? All right. I'll go right. You go left.

I'll take a whack at it. All right. It's only taking a minute. You know that dog was like, I've been waiting all five years of my life to eat him, and they just come in and done took him. They're like dog poop all over the trailer. The dog's like, my bad. That's similar to me. dog poop all over the trailer. The dog's like, my bad. Rawr! Rawr!

Imagine being so fat that the guess of your weight is within 200 pounds. Where they're like, he's 700. Hell, 900 pounds. Like, that's such a huge... If people can't guess your weight within 200

pounds, it's a problem. He's about as much as a Harley big boy. 800 pounds. Would he fit in the back weighs about as much as a Harley big boy. 800 pounds. Could he fit in the back of a Ford F-150? Probably not. Nope. 800, plus or minus a hot chick. Jesus Christ.

My goodness. Like, at one point, I always think, like, these people who get fused to chairs, at one point they stood up for the last time, and they felt like a rip from like themselves sticking to the chair for so much and then they come back down and they sit back in the chair yeah like after realizing like i was growing into my own couch jesus christ i've never had a wake-up call like this before and then no they just sit back down and and die yeah you gotta go to semi-aquatic when you get that big the ones that get fused to toilets respect right yeah you've got you've

got your hygiene kind of sorted out i mean it doesn't happen though it does oh someone fused to toilet i got a little googling i've've never heard of this. Yeah. I feel it's on boyfriend's toilet for two years. Hmm. Uh, this may just be a crazy person. Oh wait, no. Girlfriend was physically stuck to the seat.

Her skin had grown around it. Oh, we talked about that story before. We've done that story. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's funny.

Honey, I really got to go. it's been nine months and i haven't peed i'm sick of shitting in the sink you animal imagine showering and she's just right there like watching tv on a three-inch screen like on her phone and shit smoking cigarettes probably and you're just like i gotta get the fuck out of this relationship i gotta get a job i gotta i gotta get the fuck out of here one year fused on the toilet okay two years fused on the toilet two years no thank you ma'am i see through your chicanery that ah it's crazy well chis has a 911 call here i have not previewed this chis is it funny

is this worth a listen it's a prank call prank call the 911 i suppose right call 911. That's okie dokie. Well. Do we have a link? Yes. Thank you. Flash player upgrade required. Sure, Michael.

My Facebook game is up. Do you hear Taylor? I got it Oh sorry I muted Because I didn't want it to Backfire Yeah Flash player update This is Facebook video

I got it I did it Okay are you ready? I'm ready Ready Set Play Yeah so

I need a clean up service And a doctor Or whatever So are you injured? I think so But I can a cleanup service and a doctor or whatever. So, are you injured? Uh, I think so, but I can't really tell what's left. What's left of what? My wife was in the bathroom, so I figured I'd just go in the sink and I slipped on my own piss and cut my dong in the sinkhole.

I tried to pull myself up and hit the dang switch and got the disposal turned on. Wait, what? I just ground up my own dick. Are you what? I just ground up my own dick. Are you serious? I just ground up my own dick. Oh, my God. That disposal has disposed my dick all over the walls. Sir, help is on the way. Oh, ma'am, it's like a Tasmanian devil one buck wide on some spaghetti in here.

Sir, if you can unlock your door, the EMT will assist you. Oh, man, it's like I slipped aside from hell. Stop passing out. Sir? Sir? Sir? It's like a Tasmanian devil went after some spaghetti. Went buck wild on some

spaghetti in here I love how he goes I slipped and my dong went in the sinkhole it's like how could that possibly happen that's a really good one fake though right yeah probably totally a prank yeah and totally fake.

I doubt that was real. 911 operator. Are you serious? You fell in there and got your... The disposal has disposed of my dick all over these walls. Oh, that's funny. I just ground up my own dick. I'm passing out.

That's hilarious. The damage he's describing would require pounds of dick a lot of dick it's funny it's like i mean this wasn't a real 911 call but you know when does your garbage disposal paint the wall with food or anything who has a garbage disposal in their bathroom sink well Well, wait, no. He said his wife was in the bathroom. So I interpreted it to mean that he peed in the kitchen. Okay.

He's peeing into the sink. And we've all been there when we've lived in places with one bathroom where a girl's in there taking forever, and so you go pee in the sink, right? I prefer to pee in the sink. It's at a higher level, you know? You like to pee? I mean, I have no qualms with pissing in the sink.

I would prefer not. I like the toilet more, but if it's taken and I have to go, I'm going to pee in the sink. No. I would sooner pee outside. I'm not a sink peer. I thought that was unsanitary. Do you just brush your teeth right afterwards? If I pee outside where I live, I'll get arrested.

No, you just turn the water on. Blast it twice, you're good to go. It's more economical. It's more environmental. It's more environmental. That's true. Yeah. That is true. I mean, you need to run the water because you don't want it to be gross.

Like, that is your sink. That's where you clean dishes and things. Yeah, I peed in Woody's sink. All of them. I peed in all of them. But he didn't waste water or anything. He figured we'd use the sink again. but he didn't waste water or anything he just he figured we used the sink again

I mean the worst the hardest part about going to the bathroom in somebody's sink is you know getting it all the way down you know I wish you'd had a disposal in your bathroom sink quite frankly the hardest part is sneaking out before they find out you snuck in yeah

there's a man pissing in our sink Debra I'll be done in a minute i was implying that i shat in the sink as well but oh i didn't catch it i just i told it poorly have a you've seen that old meme or whatever it was of a guy being like anybody else shit in the shower and then waffle stomp it down the drain oh yeah it's a bit. The guy says who else goes to the bathroom and the shower? And the whole audience is like, you know, a lot of them, like 80%

is like, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, what's the big deal? I mean, the only hard part is getting the turd through the drain, you know? You gotta stomp around there for a little while. They're like, ah, we meant pee. We meant pee. Oh, I need to find it.

Woman sprays poop on cop. Maybe that'll be it. Oh, that didn't happen. There was... God damn it. I need to find it. Because there was a woman who apparently aimed her asshole at a deputy

as she was trying to get him, and she had such a rambunctious and powerful shit that she sprayed it, and it got on his hands, face, and uniform, and legs. And so it was just the green apple splatters all over this guy that apparently she bent over and just fired like a cannon all over him. A plume of shit, so to speak. Like a solar flare of poop. I'm just going to Google woman poops on cop.

Well, you're going to get a lot. Oh, that's porno. Woman poops in cop car. Moron of the morning. Woman poops on cop to avoid arrest. Maybe that's it. Smartly dressed woman does massive poo in Lyft, then

walks away as if nothing happened. Alright, let's watch. We're watching this? What are you watching? Well, I found this link, and there's a picture of the woman, which is helpful. It says a 26-year-old Kentucky

woman was arrested and charged with assault after she intentionally released her bowels in an upward motion at a Madison County sheriff's deputy who was attempting to arrest her on Friday evening. Amanda Peters, 26, of Livingston. She's 26. Look at that picture. Is currently in the detention center on identity theft, giving them false information. It says, when the deputy entered her home, she locked herself in the bathroom. The citation said that Peters then prevented the deputy

from arresting her by using physical force before defecating on him, causing said bodily waste to land on his face, arms, legs. Face, arms, and legs of the deputy. Good God. I got the story pretty right what she should be so hot at 26 it's a tragedy that she looks like that can you guys identify the drugs just by looking at her methamphetamine yeah take that as yes living in the midwest I can tell meth. So this is a Chinese

woman shitting in an elevator. Smartly dressed, I hope. She is. And she looks... This video isn't even fucking loading for me. Mine's queued at zero. I'm ready whenever we can get it to go. I just have a

image. Yeah, mine won't even... I get it to go. I just have an image. Yeah, mine won't even... It's not even trying to play. Oh, mine's playing. How big of a shit is it? Let me fast forward a bit. It is this big.

About hamburger size. Is it like a cohesive piece, or is it more of a splattering? It's a hamburger sized abstract puddle. Do you think she got some on her nice smartly dressed shoes? I don't think so. It didn't look like it splattered.

She shits and then she stands up, pulls up her panties, adjusts her skirt and then she's out. She looks at it briefly and then she's just like open,s her skirt, and then she's out. She looks at it briefly, and then she's just like, open, open, open, open, and she's out. I saw another one where, and Asians must do this more than any other group of people, because that's just their culture. They spit on the floor, they shit on the floor, what can I say? But this lady is shitting in the elevator. The elevator door opens opens and there is a man there

waiting to board the elevator she goes close close close close close close close she presses the button and the man and the man just stands there as the door is closed and she continues to shit it would have been funny if he got on with her how awesome would it be would it be like you know what now i I'm watching. What an alpha move that would be. Yeah, I love these videos of women shitting in public. I bet there's a subreddit. Let me see if there is a shitting in public subreddit.

Are you shitting in my shitting elevator? Public shitting subreddit. It's probably going to be some sexual thing knowing Reddit. Well, here's scat fetish. here's i'm a total piece of shit here's reddit uh dot com slash r slash poop um that sounds funny it's just poop let me go there see what see what's up ah no it is just pictures of people's poop here's a dog this one's dog poop the dog's standing there looking at it. He looks guilty. Oh, no! Alright.

This fellow has... I don't know if you can show this. It's shit, but it just seems pornographic. It seems inappropriate. Go to top all if that link doesn't automatically make it

top all. That guy's holding his poop. He's, he has fished out his poop from the toilet. And I'm not exaggerating when I say it is the size of the biggest corn dog you've ever seen. It is eight inches long easily. And while it does taper on one hand, it is eight inches long easily and while it does taper on one hand it is at least this big around like as big around as not a coke can but close as big around as a red it's like this fucking can of red bull it's like a big can of red bull and you know what else i'm noticing is look at the rim of i saw that the toilet seat there is shit on the rim. This came out with either such fervor or he picked it up and dragged it there. But there's poop all over this

god. This looks fake. How could someone force something like that out of their ass? Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. I'm rediscovering something I already knew, which is I don't like seeing people's poop. That must be at least seven Keurigs.

There's bigger poops if you scroll down. You know what? I'm actually fine. I'm going to vomit. She's going, I can't. Don't scroll down because there's one of a man actively shitting

in its ass and asshole. It looks like an eel its ass and asshole. It looks like an eel is escaping his asshole. You talked about that story too. I scrolled down too far and there's some really loose shits and I guess those make me even more sick.

It's a perfect swirl. It looks like a soft serve ice cream. Like the emoji. That's awful. Yeah. That's awful. All right. Well, is that a wrap?

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