Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #406

Episode Date: October 5, 2018

On this week's PKA, funny man and lawsuit victim, Asterios Kokkinos joins the guys! The fellas go over stories and discussing their homemade "fuckable" devices from childhood, Asterios talks about getting into a fight with a mod over on "The Donald" and Taylor shares some good ole boy farm stories. You're not going to miss the show this week!

Pinkular Ready, episode 406, with our guest, Asterios. Kyle? Yeah, a few sponsors tonight. Robin Hood, not the movie, trust me, just check the link if you're curious. Casper Mattresses, Smart Mouth, Movement Watches, Netgear Nighthawk Router, and now a quick word. Ever wish you didn't need to buy batteries, coils, a tank, and a bottle just to get started vaping? eBay, the new vape system from the creators of Zamplebox, changes all of that. eBay's hardware blends simplicity with top-shelf quality. eBay features a super compact battery, high-capacity pods that are more than twice the capacity of Juul pods, and that feature ceramic coils so that you won't ever get a burnt hit.

eBay features a perfectly curated lineup of five delicious flavors, so you're sure to find one that's perfect for you. For a limited time, you can get a free eBay kit and $10 off each pack of pods on your first order when you sign up for monthly auto-ship delivery with three or more packs of pods. Plus, all eBay auto-ship orders get free shipping. Just use the code PKA at checkout when you visit eBay.com. That's eBay.com. And also, YouTube Music. orders get free shipping just use the code pka at checkout when you visit abay.com that's abay.com and also youtube music youtube music is a new app that combines everything you expect from a streaming service with the magic of youtube to make uh to bring everything to life with youtube

music premium you'll get ad-free music that plays with the screen off or while using other apps finally and get music whenever you want even if if you're offline, download the new YouTube Music app today and start a free 30-day trial. Then just pay $9.99 per month. Terms and restrictions apply. That's it. Nicely done. Nice. Check all of them out.

You won't regret it. And tonight we have a very special guest, friend of the Dick Show, Asterios Kokonos. Thanks for coming on, man. Thank you for having me. Hello. Okay. I have a quick question.

Do you have any listeners who don't vape? Is this a 100%? Do you think there's like one guy who's maybe on the Juul? Do you consider Juul vaping? Discuss. Discuss. I like the CNN talking head approach. Well, frankly, I'll use my 15 seconds to say that, first of all, I don't know.

Well, no, hold on, Taylor. Why wouldn't you? I want a jewel so bad, I don't know what it is. You need an eBay. Yeah, you need an eBay. It's better than a jewel. You smoke nicotine salts out of it instead of vaporing juice. Now, I don't know what that means, but I've

heard it, so it must exist. It's like bath salts, but with nicotine. Does it turn you into a face-eating zombie? You salt anything that's good. What wakes you up if you're in a coma? Smelling salts. I can tell you love salt because your water retention's on point.

Yeah, I'm a big fan. Before we started recording, Taylor and Kyle who said, you really look like you're on the downturn. I was like, oh, great! Out of the two turns you could make,

I get the worst turn to downturn? I'm on the upturn, baby! One, we're already recording. the two turns you can make. I get the worst turn, the downturn. I'm on the upturn, baby. What? Now, one, we're already recording. God damn it! And two, on downturn, I was meaning wait. Like, your wait was beginning to go down. You've had five minutes to think about

this. Don't start with me. That's not what I look like. Well, if you want me to tell you you're a fat person, I will. God damn it! I can't win with this! That's not what I look like. Well, if you want me to tell you you're a fat person, I will. Well, ah, goddammit! I can't win with this! Is this supposed to be a wide-angle lens or a G-Z? It is.

It looks like I'm looking at you through a fisheye. Yeah. Ah! Or like a panoramic view, like you get out of the rings. How much longer is this interview? Oh, god! Three hours hours 56 minutes so you did uh you did uh like it i remember when you first went on biggest problem in the universe

the old podcast with dick and maddox and when they your maddox your friend dick and former friend maddox and i remember when they first introduced you and like the first couple episodes you were on and they would say your name like and here we have Asterios Kokonos like I'd never heard a name like that so much that it like bothered me and I didn't get it and I didn't know if it was real

or not but it turns out you're just a sneaky Greek yeah look that was a huge mistake here's what I should have said my name is Cyphertron the comedian. I'm talking to a guy who goes by fake name Dick. I'm talking to this guy who goes by fake

name Maddox, and then Sean's not giving his last name, and I'm just like, yeah, I'll give my entire name. That'll have no ramifications on my life. I should have been like, I'm the blue cylinder. Like, just some bullshit, for Christ's sakes.

And then the worst part is, if people do try to look you up, it's not like they're going to find some other Asterios coconut, right? That's him? That's him? I'm the only game in town, and it's a losing game. That'd be a funny thing in CSI. They're like,

well, you know, he has a very vague description, but the woman said his name was Asterio. She's very sure. Alright, let me check the database. Oh, there's only one. Yes. Has it actually had any real life impact? Is your online life trickled into your... Yes, I got

an online enemy of mine got me fired from my day job. So that's a thing. Yeah, Maddox did that. Can you explain that a bit? Because Dick never got into how you ended up getting fired from it. Oh, well, I mean, long story short, Maddox invented

a fictitious reporter persona named Heather S. who worked for Cond Nast. Their address was Fort Timms Square. Do you guys have you seen the fake email he wrote?

No. Oh, do me a favor. Just Google Asterios Medium Maddox. There's like a shitload of court documents that I have online because the stuff I say sounds incredible.

So I have to constantly be like, well, here's him. Like, for example, we have him signing an affidavit under oath stating that he got in touch with my day job. He wrote them a fake email under the name Heather S. He signed and agreed that he had done

that and the the fake email was full of like really horrific allegations that hr had to investigate it was terrible this is what are we talking here well read the email yourself take a look it's right there i'm reading the court transcript let Let me go to the floor for a second. It's like, this is the court transcript. So it indicates, linked to Mr. Kokono's tweet, which is the third statement down, that is his podcasting name is Maddox. He indicated that Maddox is a cuck. Fuck off, cuck.

Released an entire album of cuck songs out of spite. What is a cuck, Your Honor? I just released it. It was called Cucks and Carols. Okay. Why can't I call someone a fool? This is the court. It's beyond fool, Your Honor. It puts his entire manhood into question and says that he technically

encourages or becomes a voyeur for his girlfriend engaged in safe sexual activity with her men. That is the meaning of cuck. I like the transcripts. He hired a lawyer to go into the New York State Supreme Court and argue that me calling him a cuck threatens his manhood. I'll just threaten your manhood right

now. You don't have a manhood. You're not a man. You're like a weird creep. There, take me to court again. Is that against the law to threaten someone's manhood? Apparently so. In New York, you would think that would be fine oh my god you can't call somebody that's so funny that like he politicized that in

a way that if he had just ignored it it would have gone away or if he had like kind of accepted it in a way it would have gone away instead i remember he made a youtube video like two years ago after this all came out where he's like there's i'm being 100% genuine. He's like there's nothing wrong with being a cuck Like yes, you can go watch this video. He's like these people don't even know what cuck means It's like a fed and it's like no people know what it means that's why they're trying to insult you with it because It's clearly working because you just made a video about it You clearly don't like this like well

He could have handled it in a way where he could still probably be successful today but he didn't when you call someone a dummy you're not saying that they lack the ability to speak it's like it's just a simple pejorative uh here i have i have some evidence right over here that i think might interest you props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props

props props props props props props props props props props props props defamatorily offensive. Just like the worst thing you could call somebody. And my opinion is it just means like jerk

or asshole or dweeb. It's just a meme at this point. It's just a dumb thing we say. It kind of means liberal. More people say it ironically at this point than unironically. That's how out of vogue it is. But the thing is, if you look at the cover of the New York Daily News,

Thursday, January 4th, 2018, you'll notice that these two are engaged in a cuck fight. This is President Trump and Steve Bannon. He's not sleeping with his wife or this or that. It's just a cuck fight. It just means they're jerks. Did you bring that in with you? Of course! I spent $80 on that!

That was court evidence! You went to Kinko's for $80 and were like, I need you to blow up this cuck fight. Full board! Full color! Look at the quality of this. This is half an inch thick

foam board. Look, it's bigger than me. Look at this. Half an inch thick foam board. If it wasn't for that $80, I'd be guilty as charged. Thank God. Is that how it went?

You held it up, and they're like, well, the case closed. No. Otherwise, you'd be out $20 million. That was a good investment. They would call that the cuck defense. They'd go next to the Chewbacca defense. The shaggy defense. Yeah, the shaggy defense.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. Man, that's – how did – I think I remember when you, Dick, and Maddox kind of explained briefly your guys' backstory as kind of friends is that you've known Maddox longer than Dick, right? Like you were friends with him before? Yeah, well, I got to know them when I got to know a lot of different people at a show called the Tournament of Nerds. It was like a live show that ran every month. It just celebrated its 10th anniversary, and it's a show called the tournament of nerds it's uh it's like a live show that ran every month it just celebrated its 10th anniversary and it's a show out in la and so i met them as just fellow comedians in this show and then we all just started to hang out and get tacos and

get drinks and play video games and it just kind of became like that like were you were you i know you're still good buddies with dick when did you kind of realize that it was tanking with Maddox? Like, what was the thing? Because as a listener of the show, like, there were points where I was like, this has gone from banter to clearly a lot of angst between Dick and Maddox. Like, where, I know you were involved in that. When, when did you see that downturn coming? Oh, immediately. Like, yeah, I mean, yes. immediately I mean yes it's like between episodes 76

and 77 that thing happens where and a lot of people don't know this like the whole reason we're in the whole reason I'm in court spending $80 on a foam court thing spending $29,000 on my legal defense like the reason all I'm losing

my job like the I got sued like 300 days ago the reason all I'm losing my job, like, I got sued, like, 300 days ago. The reason all this is happening and the biggest problem broke up is because Dick and Maddox went to a wedding where Dick ended up going home with Maddox's, like, ex-girlfriend

of three years. So Maddox has a girl. They break up. Three years later, Dick starts dating the girl. Maddox tries to girl. They break up. Three years later, Dick starts dating the girl. Maddox tries to blow Dick up in the court of public opinion and absolutely succeeds. And then Maddox starts shit with me.

Maddox starts shit with everybody. It all blossoms from this one little moment where someone hooked up with their friend's ex-girlfriend of three years and it was pretty x right like it wasn't like oh i didn't understand i thought three years was how long they dated three years is the gap three years is the gap sorry i'm not very good at talking i'm not very good at filling in the blanks so thank. Two idiots talking to each other.

No, so Maddox dates a girl. They break up. Maddox gets another girlfriend, who also sued me. And, yeah, it's just fucking terrible. And then years later, Dick starts dating Maddox's ex. Maddox sees it as, like, a betrayal and this. And Maddox starts getting all high horsey and asking us not to like talk or work or hang out with Dick and all this bullshit's happening

and it's just terrible. Yeah. And that's why everything else happened. Like Maddox started a big crazy fight because he got butt hurt that someone was dating his ex girlfriend. Didn't he like include maybe it was just like an anecdote

he told to you guys or like in one of those uh unredacted episodes or maybe it was a court thing where like one of his points of like how much i bring to the show was like i bring the snacks guys every week you show up and i have snacks and pretzel sticks here and dick was like i don't even eat the snacks and he didn't dick never ate the snacks i was the don't even eat the snacks! And he didn't. Dick never ate the snacks. I was the only one that ate the snacks. I like to have an inside man here. But the thing is, I'm coming down there for free. I'm performing.

By the way, these aren't fantastic snacks. These are like Trader Joe's level bullshit snacks. He's putting in these little bowls. It's like, well, now we have to refill the bowl. What if you got a big bowl for the snacks, which aren't even very good? So, yeah, Maddox definitely. You should have refuted that. Your Honor, it was not even a large snack bowl.

It took no effort to fill these bowls. It was just a simple scoop in place, Your Honor. And he not once refilled them. They were like airplane quality snacks. Like they weren't, and I don't mean the ones that you pay for. I mean just free airplane quality snack. It's just whatever. Yeah, this guy just, what happened was he didn't want to admit to himself

that he was upset that he was still in love with his ex he didn't want to admit that to himself so he started looking for every other so he did the natural thing and sued you for 20 million dollars that's because clearly it's my fault it's like a 20 million dollar lawsuit is like the ultimate psychological projection like it is he sued 10 different parties for 16 causes of action a trial which cost me 30 grand cost dick well more lord knows how much it cost my ex-employer because he sued my ex-employer you spent 30 grand on your defense yeah you can if you go to patreon.com slash hysterios i have uploaded the i've uploaded the bills for free so you can take a look at the at the total legal expenses you can take a look at my current legal debt like what's happening

is insane this is insane you know it's weird because i remember reading his site in like 2002 or 2004 or whatever and being like this guy's hilarious. He's the last person I would have expected to do that. Yeah, but the way you've got to think about it is why would you tell everybody that you were manly unless you didn't feel that way? You know what I mean? That was his whole character.

I'm a big manly man, pirate, lumberjack. I drink hot sauce. It's like, well, actual manly people don't need to put on a facade. They just act manly and then, I don't know, go home with the prom queen. I forget what they say in The Rock, and I don't want to be corrected

on it. And that's true, because I remember there was a debate between Dick and Maddox about exercise, and Dick was like, yeah, I lift weights all the time. I work out. I'm pretty fit.

Like, I'm way stronger than you, Maddox. And Maddox was like, I ride my bike around town all the time. I could beat you in a race. And Dick's like, this isn't about racing, Maddox. I'm much stronger. Do you lift weights? Maddox is like, it doesn't matter. Biking is its own form.

And it was like, God, this guy's never picked up a dumbbell, has he? No, of course not. But the thing is thing is you might hear that you might think like oh this guy's joking he's just playing like a nebbishy character and then when that guy sues you for 20 million dollars because you released an album full of christmas carols where you called him a cuck hundreds of times uh royalty free christmas songs that you stole from a cuck hundreds of times. Royalty-free Christmas songs that you stole from a Christian website. An album that debuted at number seven on the Billboard comedy charts, charted for three weeks,

and outsold Adele in Luxembourg. I love it. Very specific. I'm absolutely not kidding. Cuckmas carols debuts at number 10. Adele's new album won. Number 11.

Overall iTunes charts, it's in the Library of Congress. Because if you chart on Billboard, they email you and they're like, you've got to send us a high quality. I had to create like a flack audio version of a thing called Cuckmas Carols so that it could survive long past we're all dead underground. And so I guess Maddox got upset. He sued me, but I don't know why. Yeah, I don't know why either. I mean, it doesn't seem like that big a deal. Oh, you're talking about the Streisand effect.

Yes, yes, the Streisand effect. Guess who taught me about the Streisand effect. Yes, yes, the Streisand effect. Guess who taught me about the Streisand effect? Maddox. This fucking idiot says that a long time ago Barbara Streisand sued to get a picture of her house off the internet. But it created so much media coverage that the picture of her house went everywhere. And now everyone knows what her house looks like. So the bottom line is, like, don't try to cover up your bullshit because it'll only make people dig into it more. That's the same shit happened to Maddox.

He sued me. He sued my employer. He sued the lawyer at my employer. He sued Dick. He sued Dick's business partners. He sued Dick's business. He sued a 22-year-old kid out in Nebraska named Taburt who did a parody character named Mad Cucks he sued

Patreon and he sued the customer service representative at Patreon who was unlucky enough to be the guy that had to field Maddox's emails he sued all of us for 16 causes of action like reliance and trademark infringement

and defamation and intentional infliction of butthurt. And then, of course, after he sues me and my employer, my employer's lawyer, four days later in Adweek, the largest advertising periodical there is, there's an article that's like Asterios Kokonos made a violent and harassing, There's an article that's like, Asterios Kokonos made a violent and harassing album. It's called Cockmas Carols. It's adorable.

Listen to the album. But it's not. But look at this. Oh, look at this. Where is it? Hold on. Let me find it. Oh, here it is.

Look, this is a pork that's me. His name is Porksterios Porkinos. How is this violent and hateful? You know how many porks I have around me right now? This is Chunk. This is Dr. Pepper. This is Caffeine. And this is F. Pepper. This is caffeine. And this is Flappy.

I'm a family man, PKA. And I would never, ever create violent, hateful content. I'm a man. You never explained how you made Cuxmas Carols. You did it over the course of one night, didn't you? Where you're like, I'm going to be up all night recording Cuxmas Carols because it's got to beat Adele and Luxembourg.

Yeah, that did happen. Yeah, that did happen. I was... I shitposted on Reddit. I was like... Because Maddox was bragging about his album being number one in iTunes comedy. And number two was like, Bill Engvall's There's Your Sign from 1993. It's like no one, why would you buy stand-up on iTunes? It was like Weird al's running with

scissors was number three just ancient albums yeah and he's bragging about it and so i say i bet we can we can write an album today that beats him on itunes tomorrow and my girlfriend had the idea of a thing called cockabish carolss. And she was like, you could do a song called Rudolph the Red-Pilled Reindeer. You could do Frosty the Alleged Rape Apologist. And she's pitching me all these songs. She's pitching me, like, fully formed songs. And I'm just like, can you just write this down so we can do it? And so we do it.

And it beat him immediately this is amazing and he got real real real butt hurt did it make a lot of money did you make a lot of money on this you know yes you did no yes you did because here's what happened go on you want to know how stupid I am? Here's how stupid I am. So I'm getting these reports and it's like, you moved 4,000 units. And I'm like,

oh, that's fantastic, 4,000 units. So I start cutting out royalty checks to everyone else involved. And then I realized that that's not 4,000 albums, it's 4,000 songs.

Oh, no. Or 1,000 albums because it was a four-track EP ep so i spent a lot more money than i will ever make on that album because i way overpaid the other creators and then i said well i'm not gonna ask for it back like that would be a real dick moved like now it's like you've already spent the money we're all poor i know you didn't save this money. So I lost a lot of money on it. And then I lost $30,000 being sued because the album,

this album has put me in the hole for like $34,000. I mean, it was really funny though. You got that going on. You can't look. You know, you can't put a price on a beating. You can't put a price on beating Ade it's funny you can't put a price on beating adele luxembourg in comedy or something the best part is the judge is laughing at these lyrics

and there's no better laugh than the laugh of the man who's about to decide your fate in the world like at one point the lawyer starts reading the lyrics and i'll pretend the lyrics are on these as i was poor the bad guy lawyer is just like cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck maddox is a cuck there is no punch line here cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck oh and the judge is fucking losing his shit and my favorite part is like clearly this whole case is bullshit if you're listening i think figure out by now that, like, no one should be sued because they made an album calling a public figure a cuck. That would be like if Trump sued SNL for Baldwin or if Taylor Swift sued Mad Magazine because someone called her Taylor Grift. I don't know, the thief? Taylor Swift? I don't know. But anyway, the bad guy lawyer well

obviously he knows this case is bullshit he takes it anyway the judge almost threw the lawyer in jail right in front of us really really tell me yes if you scroll down in that medium article you can read the transcript i would love it if one of you guys read the transcript because i won't do it justice. Where is it? And I'll read it. I think it's down towards the last quarter of the article. So do you regret making the album now? If you could go back.

Oh, God, no. I would have. The only thing I would change would be to not overpay people. I could maybe have made a dollar on this. Or at least break even with your legal fees. Yeah, look, I've been damaged. Look, I got legal fees and damages. I got lost wages and damages, reputational damage.

My back hurts. I got damages up the ass. But including inside of it. It's a war zone back there. But what I was saying is, no because you you can't take your money with you but you can take the fact that you know that like a guy got real butt hurt like that's a that's a good life you know what i mean you trolled him well you know for sure that you got under his skin yeah you can't it's it's like you he can't ever take it back that he sued me because

i made fun of him like that's the ultimate freak out like you know when you're at a party and someone freaks out and everyone's like oh that's weird he did that on the global stage it's it's really incredible to watch i like how your picture in this Medium article, it's a picture of you on Fox's old late show, The Daily Habit, and your only thing on the chyron is a stereos kokonos monkey enthusiast. There's no qualifier.

My god. Are you a monkey enthusiast? If that's the kind of picture that you pull to take an example of, it should be pretty clear to any judge that you're fucking around. Yes! My my god and maddox sues us all in new york he doesn't even live in new york the guy lives out in la um the and at one point the judge said the judge threatened to take maddox's lawyer out of there uh quote in cuffs prison. Like, the judge directly threatened to put Maddox's lawyer in jail for contempt because that's how shitty this case was.

Do you think that Maddox's lawyer pressured him into all this in order to seal, like, a semi-big payday for himself? Like, kept kind of pushing him to, like, yeah, you should do this, sue even more, like, make my legal bills pile up. Oh, yeah, you're going to win. Like, do you think there was any of that? Like like he was feeding maddox's delusion that this would pan out well for him i uh i have a theory i have no i have nothing to prove this and i don't have any facts to prove this but here's what i think happened because this guy that sued that

held maddox sue his name is kevin landau kevin landau has also sued multiple gigantic brands. He sued NBC Universal and Univision. He sued former Paramount CEO Brad Gray. He sued Playboy. I think what this guy does is he finds somebody who can sue a giant corporation and says, I'll take a small retainer up front, and if I win, I get a huge percentage. Because the people he's suing are incredibly deep pockets. Maddox and this guy sued my ex-employer in order to get me fired. And they're a giant advertising agency.

Global. He also sued Patreon. Patreon has like a market cap of like the hundreds of millions of dollars i think what they were hoping for was that one of these guys would just exercise their liability insurance and pay them all to go away hmm so you lost your job did it turn out to be uh you know gift in disguise are you glad you lost the job are Are you better off now for it? Oh, no! I have to pay $550 in health insurance!

What the fuck are you talking about? This is my place! I broke in here to do this! What are you... This is expensive! I have Cobra now! Not the fun kind of Cobra, like Cobra Commander!

The bad kind of Cobra, where you have to pay $5.50 a month, so for health insurance that you hope you never have to use! My God! I used to, I had a, oh, I had, I had it all! I took it from me! But, the only

benefit to it is, and actually, if you guys do me one more favor if you can google Asterios medium fired you can see chat transcripts of Maddox talking about how he intends to

get me fired and one of the Maddox goes like Asterios will definitely lose his job if I drop this thing he called the bomb and someone said to him wow this is really weird and maddox said randy might lose his job which i definitely don't want asterios would definitely lose his job so what then you think these people will leave me alone

after i've taken away their jobs or will things get worse i don't know things are about to get a lot worse maddox a lot worse. Because we are taking him and his co-plaintiff and his lawyer into the judge's chambers and we're attempting to do something called sanctioning them. Which is when if you commit something

if you like, perjure yourself or fabricate evidence or do something truly horrible in a court of law you could be sanctioned, which could include financial damages or other kind of damages. So soon, we will be in a sanctions conference where we can hopefully get some justice

out of this situation, where I can get my 30 grand back for this bullshit lawsuit. My lost wage is, I don't know, Maddox's TV, that would be nice. His TV is huge. So you're not going to ask just for's TV that would be nice his TV is huge no you know what you should ask for you should watch for his his bike yes I would sell tickets to smash it with a hammer that's brilliant I could make so much money off

that thing and then I sell the busted up thing as like a work of art. I call it like the destroyed career. Oh, thank you so much. Look, you guys are invited to the premiere. Of the bike smashing? I think there's only a premiere in that show. Yeah, exactly. It's a one-act show.

Nobody comes out and smashes something bigger afterward. It's a one-off. It's up and down in one night. It's a one-off it's up and down in one night it's a pop-up it's an installation like a spiteful gallagher like you you actually have a reasonable case against the guy he stole your job from you like you legitimately are gonna win i would think i have the world if you guys look through that article you can see because here's the thing you can sue someone if you think they've wronged you even if you're wrong but what you can't sue someone for is an ulterior purpose you can't sue someone accused of stealing money from you

if you didn't have any probable cause and if you were only doing it to ruin their name or to get them in trouble at work or to get them if you misuse the legal system it's a civil tort called malicious prosecution and that's what these guys have done if you look through that article you could see all the evidence of it i i don't want to blather on about it rather you guys talk about it yeah i'm looking through it right now this is really interesting shit it says here it's not 30 grand it's only 29 429 have you been exaggerating but at the end of the month i get another bill it's gonna be way more than 30 grand in the end

so have you like been in a spiral of sorts of like, holy shit, he stole my job. I'm stuck on shitty healthcare now. Like I've got my Patreon. I checked your Patreon. It's doing well. Well, it's not PKA good. And certainly not Dick Masterson good.

Oh my God. Oh, forget it. I feel like we wouldn't even be ready for the same party. Me and any of you guys. I'm doing okay on Patreon, thank God. But it's like, yeah, shit is tough. Like, sanctions, I would love to counter

sue this guy for malicious prosecution. We believe that by impersonating a reporter named Heather S., it's possible that Madison committed a crime called criminal impersonation, which is when you

pretend to be an organization for personal benefit. I don't know all of it, but look, my lawyer says he might have done it, and I believe my lawyer. And so, yeah, it's fucking rough. I'm doing my best. I'm doing a podcast about it. I'm doing live streams about it. I'm doing live streams about it.

I'm trying to talk about it just because. What's your podcast called just for anybody who wants to check it out? Oh, sure. If you Google something called the Asterios Kokonos Podcast Factory. You couldn't come up with something harder to spell? Which one? No, no. Oh, God.

Well, he cornered that SEO market. You did, yeah. Oh, no. I need a better effort. I'm so glad I talked to you guys. I mean, Dick's one of your good friends, and he knows SEO very well. He does. I should have just called it like funnypod.com.

Yeah. Like, oh, fuck. Well, anyway, good luck not finding my podcast, everybody. Well, your name is on the screen, so they'll find you this group. Yeah, they need to find your Patreon, help you out with those fucking legal fees. That sounds rough. That would be nice. We got to GoFundMe, call the Asterios Coconuts Legal Offense Fund.

If you Google Asterios, because I want to go on offense. We're finally on offense. We're going after them for sanctions if that doesn't work We reserve our right to go after them in a full-on countersuit, but I need the money It takes to charge up my lawyer. They love it when you pay them They're big fans of it when I pay them. They'll send me like a thank-you email And if I don't pay them, they'll send me an email. That's like oh you must have forgot to pay us They like it trust me and you know, if you don't pay them They'll send me an email that's like Oh you must have forgot to pay us So they like it, trust me And you know if you don't pay them

They'll see you I've got the worst paying attorney story I've told it before I own this little business We get in charge backs They're buying virtual goods So what they do is they use it for 6-12 months And then tell me they wanted their money back

Which you can't do, right? Can't buy Taylor Swift's song and then say, I'm tired of it. Never mind. I want to unbuy it. That's not how virtual goods work. So anyway, they did this to me so often that we had to hire an attorney. And it ended up being, I think the one of the bills was $14,000. And I got it and I paid it and that was that.

They get back to me nine months later And they say Woody look I know we sent you a bill for 14 grand If you pay us like half that Then we'll just call it good And I'm like oh No I paid it already Oh no And they're like oh yeah

Alright never mind And that was it Fuck I could have paid seven But there we are that's what trump does all the time just like he buys a bunch of pianos from you and then he's like i can actually only afford to pay you for half of them sorry by the way he did do that and i still want 30 all 30 pianos i want all of them he's already got the pianos. That's how he does it. That's all you got to do. Come get them.

I just named two times he did that. You want these fucking pianos. He did that to the cabinet maker that built all the stands for his slot machines. Yeah. And then afterwards, he's like, ah, I'll tell you what. I'll pay you half. Let's talk about your next group of cabinets. And the guy's like, wait.

That's why he's a great president. Perhaps the greatest president we've ever had. He's accomplished more in this first couple years of his term than almost any administration ever. And that's a joke for all of you faggots who don't understand what I'm doing right now. Kyle, you think he hasn't achieved as much as Washington?

You know what? The fact that you would even say that he hasn't achieved as much in his first two years as George Washington, the man who turned down a kingship. You know, like no one will ever be able to say that sentence. It's like, oh, yeah. Were you offered a kingship? Do you turn it down? Oh, you didn't. You didn't. Then fuck off. George Washington wins. Number one president.

Yeah, number one. Ranked first and the first one. Look, when I hear that stuff about Trump I don't think like oh he is a bad guy we shouldn't vote for him I think art of the deal baby that's who we want running our economy that's who we want making deals with other countries the guy who will buy quote unquote 50

pianos from China and then be like you know what I'm only going to pay for half oh we sent you all the cabinet yeah that's fine but I'm only going to pay for half. Oh, we sent you all the cabinet. Yeah, that's fine, but I'm only going to pay for half. Oh, you send them back. No deal. But we make all the cabinet for you.

And what about that doesn't even begin on the piano? How do you not want that guy making deals with other countries? Of course you want the guy who lies and steals. Look, if he can hornswoggle someone else, great. If this guy gives me one good... What's that movie? What's the movie with Paul Newman where they're scamming people? The Hustler, right? No.

The Color of Money? No. Has the Entertainer as the theme song? That's Robert Redford, right? Robert. The Color of Money. No. Has the Entertainer as the theme song. That's Robert Redford, right? Robert Redford! The shit.

Robert Redford, it's a con man movie. The Sting. The Sting, that is it. Look, if he's the Sting's Russia or North Korea, you give me one good to sting and I'll vote for you again. But right now I'm afraid we're getting stung and we're not doing the stinging. I want to sting, not get stung. There's a reason we don't call him stung. We call him sting.

You want to have sex like sting, not like stung. You guys know what I'm talking about. Exactly. Of course. I like your perspective there. You've gone like, you're so ready for the offensive

GoFundMe that you want to go offensive in all corners of life. Trump, be offensive. Everybody, offensive. Time to fight back. Look, you've got to admit, it definitely works when Trump's like, remember, if someone whose kid died in the war says you're bad, call them a dirty whore and say they're fired. Like Trump, he never stops. He like he like the famous phrases that Roy Cohn taught him was if someone punches you, you punch them back 100 times harder.

You know, I mean? And Roy Cohn was an Angels in America. You guys remember that? Six hours long. Tony Kushner, more like Tony Smoking the Kushner, cut this thing down to two hours. Okay? You guys know what I'm talking about.

No. I'm inferring. You guys know what I'm... Don't start with me. It won the Thurber Prize. I have no idea what you're talking about, but I like your energy. It's a Drama Desk nominee.

Oh, my God. I don't know what that is. Drama Desk nominee? I think you just made that credential up. What the fuck is a Drama Desk nominee? 5,000, 2,500, 600, man. That's the level of fear you guys are at. That's right.

Yeah, I know, right? We're way more plugged in to this kind of thing. You need your education. Yes, your guys' opinions are about as dead as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Hello? I don't know. Anybody over here? Don't make me wait

for Godot all day come on guys I don't know what Rosencrantz and Rosenberg means actually they were my lawyers they were fantastic no my attorney's name is Jordan Greenberg I love him he's my favorite man so pretty

charge is $400 an hour he is Jewish which means he's very very I love him. He's my favorite man. So pretty. Charges $400 an hour, which is... That hurts. He is Jewish, which means he's very, very... That's where I was going. Black guy? Wait, what was that? I couldn't hear you guys over my own protesting. Anyway, moving on.

Let's talk about sports. You know what I'm looking forward to? If that North Korea shit actually gets fixed. I'm looking forward to all the dope documentaries we're going to get about it. Like, of course, they're going to be like biased in a way, of course. But like it's going to be neat to see what's really going on behind the scenes there when it's finally cracked. Like if they even let us do that then. I will tell you what. Clinton couldn't get it done.

Bush couldn't get it done. Obama couldn't get it done. Uh, fucking if Trump can get this done, if Trump can find a way to denuclearize Korea, like, well, then I guess we all kind of got to eat shit.

Us liberals. Cause like he made the world safer. It's just, I want to see if he can do this is the ultimate deal. Cause that's more than you can say. A lot of presidents did. You could be like, Hey,

they used to have a bunch of missiles and now they don't. So, uh, who's good. Be still wouldn't still wouldn't beat Washington. I said, wow. Yeah.

That's a high bar. Yeah. But that will be interesting. I like to see what's really going on behind the scenes there. Hopefully he solves it or the next president or whoever fucking saw, like, that's a high bar. Yeah, but that will be interesting, like, to see what's really going on behind the scenes there. Hopefully he solves it, or the next president or whoever fucking solves it. Like, didn't South Korea and North Korea put a bid in together to do the Olympics in, like, 10 years or something like that? Like, it's funny because you know they're going to be, like, meeting. They're going to be like, so we do it in Pyongyang?

They're like, no, it's kind of a shithole. We do it in Seoul. Like, of course they're going to do it in Seoul. They're not going to do it in Pyongyang they're like no the kind of a shithole we do it in Seoul like of course they're gonna do it in Seoul they're not gonna do it in North Korea quick uh we all of us Asians don't sound like Pat Morita just half of us okay the other half of us sounds like Margaret Cho's mother I don't know if you're Asian I'm Chinese, my Chinese name Wait, I'm not going to say my Chinese name out loud But I am Chinese, yes Wait, I thought your name was Look at the eyes

Do we gain power over you if we know your name? Is that how it works? It's just a lot of my passwords Not a vampire Look at my eyes I'm a quarter Chinese over here I got the red envelopes of Christmas I did the whole envelopes of Christmas.

I did the whole thing. Giant eyebrows from my giant eyebrow grandpa. Look at these things. You're a hairy guy. So you got all the hairiness of a Greek. I have hair on top of my shoulder. Right? I know you do. I hear you.

We need to average out our eyebrows. You and I, Asterios. Check this out. My eyebrows, they only go halfway. See? But you look so nice looking. You and I, Asterios. Like, check this out. My eyebrows, they only go halfway. See? You look so nice looking! I would like to meet you in the middle in Eyebrowville.

Oh, God. So you got the quarter Chinese eyes and the hairiness of a Greek. Like, it seems like it went all or nothing for you as far as Portuguese cheekbones are there bones under there very big face bones no I

have Greek you can't judge there I'm Greek Chinese Portuguese West Indian it's all fucked up it's it was a It was God's cruelest mistake. You could have been Pajit, a coconut. I could have. I'll take him. Look, look, I have arched eyebrows. The only bad guys have arched eyebrows. More enigmatic people.

And then if you're enigmatic, you might as well just say ugly. Just say ugly. He was enigmatic, a striking figure. Okay, I get it over here. It's what is it? It's Dr. Spock and then the bad guy from Johnny Quest? That's the archetype, right? I'm not into it.

I don't want it. You get the wax, they come in sharper. I've done it. How are you not always exhausted? I am always exhausted. I'm sweating talking to you. Those of you who are audio only, he's got some pretty serious pit stains over here.

It's happening. It's all happening. I can't get over the bad guy from Johnny Quest. It's hilarious. I love that you've got that gallon of water everything about what you've got going on right now and everything I know about you leads me to believe that you broke into someone's house and you're drinking out of your hobo jug right now and that somewhere I imagine there's a middle aged woman somewhere tied to a radiator though and it's her house and you're drinking out of your hobo jug right now. But the air-cooled sticks are pretty good.

I imagine there's a middle-aged woman somewhere tied to a radiator, though, and it's her house. Well, how do you know she's not into that? I mean, I didn't ask, but some girls like these things. And when some girls say no, they're really wanting to push you to yes, and Asterios knows this. You have to have a safe word., you have to have a safe word. That's what you gotta do.

Wait, what are your guys' safe words? Oh my god, I need to know. This is funny, actually. Everybody has one, right? Yes. Okay, let's go through and say our safe words. Okay. Alright, I guess I'll lead. Does everybody have one first?

Yes, of course. I don't have a safe word. No. What? I fuck like a man. There is no no, right? You do what you need to, woman. All right, Supreme Court Justice Brent Kavanaugh.

What's your safe word, all right? If she's tied down or, in Kyle's case, tied down and spinning from some chandelier of sorts, she needs a safe word just in case. So I use kiwi. Because nobody will ever say that during sex so you use what like ball gag so you know there's no there's not like a pattern of

taps that she can give you like well not not with her hands tied like that no it's a safe word no i've never employed a uh a safe word like if there's something that's a little painful or something that somebody might not be into, no usually works. Or stop. I don't like that. Or it hurts. No, no and stop doesn't work because it just doesn't. Like you need a real word for it. It does work because if she says no, that's got to mean no in this climate in this

current climate that we're in no has to mean no there can there can't be any more rape fantasies that's that's over ladies you lost that yeah that happened early on in my relationship as far as if you don't know i've been married like 22 25 years something like that but like early on she would do this like playful no, no, no, and I'd stop. And she didn't want me to stop, but I was like, nah, that's not a game we play. No. You say yes, and we keep going. That's how we do this.

It's like on the new episode of It's Always Sunny, Dennis is doing this whole thing, and he's showing screenshots from his cell phone that women have sent him. I am giving you my consent. That was wonderful sex. And everybody, and Dee's like like those women would never text something like that and he's like their phones did oh my god that's hilarious so you really don't have like just a regular safe word kyle like banana to like cut through

the like you need a word that doesn't go with sex so that it slices through you know i'm gonna be honest there's never been call for a safe word like like you know we're doing things that we both enjoy i'm not into like beating women or anything like that and uh and so it's just never been an issue you know it's rare it doesn't have to be for beating a woman well what would it. In what scenario are you being given a safe word? Like if you're fucking her or something and she complains about it hurting or something and she uses a different word

to tell you when it's actually stop, give me a break. I think I'm better at fucking than you. I usually try not to penetrate through the cervix. Sometimes that just happens. I usually try not to penetrate through the cervix. Sometimes that just happens. But I think you have a lot of... Are you attacking us for having sex that's so crazy

that we need a word to shut it down? Is that how you're attacking us? I think that's... You've got to be high energy energy you need a password for this sex this is the first time this is the first time the password is orgy kyle this is the first time you've ever been the most puritanical one of us which is it's a fun little name and a little moment in history it's just never come up never been necessary like no works just fine.

I'm kind of with Taylor on this one. I don't have a safe word, and I'm feeling so vanilla over here. Vanilla, that'd be a fine safe word. Yeah, that's a great safe word because you're not going to say that normally. Chocolate, you might say. Don't use that.

But vanilla, that's good. I've just made a decision. You've witnessed the making of a decision. That's my new safe word. Vanilla? Yeah, and I just need to tell her, and then we need to do something freaky. Asterios, what's yours? What's your safe word?

Oh, my safe word is, I'm fine with this. Keep going. That's a very confusing safe word. Look, it leads to... You gotta figure some stuff out. It's not the easiest safe word, but we do, you know. You record that part on video when you're doing something awful, and she says, I'm enjoying this. Keep going.

Then you cut, and then you really start cutting. Yeah, your safe word gives me mixed signals. If I heard that, I don't know that I'd stop. All right, babe. The safe word is don't you dare stop fucking me. See, there you go. That's good. I have a question for Woody.

Woody, you're like a fit woman. I've noticed that from these little- Flat tummy, everything else works. It's all you care about. It could literally be just a poster board with a face on it, and that's ideal for you. Flat tummies, all that matters. Tell me more about this poster board. What if your wife inexplicably, no medication, no excuse, no depression, nothing like that, gained 25, 30 pounds, and it did not sit on her well?

We're talking about a beer belly scenario. And it all went to her belly and her face. Nowhere else. She didn't get bigger anywhere that you might enjoy. Beer belly. She looks like Jeb Bush's wife.

Yes, she looks like Jeb Bush's wife. I need a visual on this. I'll get you a... I'm going to grab you one. Go on. like jeb bush's wife i i need a visual on this i'll get you i'll probably keep asking i'm gonna i'm gonna grab you one um go on what do i do about this what do you do about this now now and and and just to be clear you've already gently mentioned it to her you've been like honey um you know i think what if we work out together what if we go on a diet together you know you've done the common things that men have to do in that scenario,

the polite ways of getting your wife tuned back in. That was my go-to, actually. No, it didn't work. The step beyond that that you didn't mention was some sort of appetite suppressing, medication-type thing. Size pills in her food. You're going to control your wife's weight with drugs and pills? Well, as a team, we're going to...

The handmaid's tale over here! If she didn't like it, she'd say vanilla. You know you're being recorded right now, right? Here's what you say. Let me help you out. You go. It doesn't matter how much weight she gains. That's just more of her to love. What are you doing? Oh, no, that's not even step two. Step one is the medication. Step two, roll her over.

Right? If all of this is in her face and her belly, then she must look fine from behind, right? Right? Fair enough. Fair enough. Put pillows on the side to cover up the spillage of the belly. Yeah. It's not like she's going to be on her stomach all day, every day, every time you see her.

You're not going to know if she has anything to say about it. Honey, turn around real quick. Alright, we're good. I suppose that's how I... Cut her loose. I think I'm locked in at this point. When you walk into the kitchen and see her, you could

yell for Jackie. Honey! There's a home invader in the house there's a big fat woman in our kitchen jackie jackie get down here honey rose bars downstairs oh oh hey honey hey oh oh we're being robbed by rosie o'donnell she's stealing all the food that's awful but yeah yeah no i i I'd just suck it up as step two. But step one and two are definitely some sort of group diet, medication. That's our only choice, men, is to do the group thing. And I think it's the polite thing in a relationship, period.

I think that's what most women do in that scenario when their gentleman is getting a little chunky. Hey, how about we join a gym together? How about we start kayaking or biking or swimming? They try to make it a group thing and join the team as it were. I would argue that in a marriage situation where you live together and you've been

partners for a long time, that a lot of weight gain and loss happens as a couple anyway. Do you really see a lot of mismatches in their 40s or do you see two people who grew fluffy together you know i think that second scenario is more to be fair though i'm i'm describing a scenario where like she's fine right now i saw her the other day trim and fit looking great uh-huh but next week she's put on 10 pounds. The week after that, 10 fucking more.

That's right. She ran over a gypsy from the movie Thinner. And now every week, she's gaining 10 pounds. How do you fix things with a gypsy? This is someone that you know, someone in your universe, or a hypothetical? This is a hypothetical. Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know anybody who's gained a bunch of inexplicable weight or anything like that.

No, I've never seen... You always want to do the couples thing, I would think, no matter any situation. Because it's like, you always have a partner then, you know? Like if you have an accountability buddy, as they would say on South Park. Yeah. Even if it's like another dude that you go to the gym with. It's always going to help. Yeah, for sure. Way easier to do it as It's always going to help. Yeah, for sure. It's way easier to do it as a team than on your own.

Yeah, absolutely. So you stick in there. I thought you were... You thought I'd just drop her like a hot potato. Let me ask another question that's probably extremely relevant. She can hear you right now, can't she? I don't think so. Just give me a wink if you'd cut her you'd cut her loose right away I got busted for winking at some dude's wife last weekend

so if people don't know I have like a mild Tourette's and shit like like it's just sometimes it's like a little facialrette's and shit like like it's just sometimes it's like a little facial tick or whatever but more or a wink most common it's some sort of wink and uh they did i just do it anyway yeah they did uh i was at that sib paragliding thing and there was a couple there and i guess like they pointed out the wink and and i'm like no no like that wasn't it that wasn't an intentional thing they were really cool you got pointed out the wink. And I'm like, no, no. That wasn't an intentional thing. They were really cool. You got busted for the wink?

It's unavoidable. It's so bad when you're like, well, I have mild Tourette's. Yeah. Oh, I didn't stop there. Honey, you thought you were hot again. I said, you know, I have like a mild version of Tourette's. So in effect, you're abusing a disabled person. How do you feel about that?

Is what I actually said. Look, does the Tourette's make you do effect, you're abusing a disabled person. How do you feel about that? Does the Tourette's make you do the gun fingers as you wink? Now and then. It's also the Tourette's. I need to add those. Pistol fingers. Sometimes I wink at people. Sometimes I pistol fingers. Occasionally I pull my cock out

and leave it there. These are all tics, people. When I walk around erect, it's not because I want to. When I poked into the back of you at Starbucks last week, it's not because I wanted to do it. It's a disease. Dude, I have a video. What if they had been down?

That would have been rather flattering for you, don't you think? That would have been hilarious if you'd given her the wink and then they'd both come over and been like, hey, we couldn't both help you help but notice you uh given maude here the uh the fuck guy it would have been super flattering because that couple was out of my league they would yeah they were young and athletic and the whole nine um uh this is a video of a guy into paramotor This is a video of a guy... And they're into pair motoring.

Yeah, pair gliding. Now, that might be the scenario where... Cut Jackie loose if we're being honest, right? Like, if you had a pair motoring 25-year-old athletic lady, I mean... They may... And she's gained the weight inexplicably. Now, imagine this scenario. It's a perfect storm, right?

Maybe, Jackie, you know, something happens to it. Yeah. I mean, accidents happen. Not now. I ruined it. Jackie, would you check to see the blades are tied under there? Yeah, just crawl under. Hydraulics fail.

That's why you don't crawl under farm equipment. Call up the Dixie Chopper. The Dixie Chopper. All right. I've got your video open, Woody. Any backstory needed for this? It appears that a young kid played music on the subway, and these guys are going to straighten him out.

Can we watch it together? Mm-hmm. So what we do here, Asterios, is we cue up at zero. I'll say, three, two, one, play, and we watch it in sync. You got it. Is everyone cuued up? Yes. Here we go.

Three, two, one, play. Is he being bad? All right, he looks a little aggressive off the start. All right, the guy's got him in a headlock on the red subway bench, and he's leaning on him. Over music? No problem. Over music?

But he was playing his music too loud. Yeah. on the red subway bench, and he's leaning on them. Over music? No problem. Over music? But he was playing his music too loud. Yeah. Dude. He was getting lost. That's fine. You're right, man. This guy really hates techno.

How do we feel about this? I encourage it. I wish I'd seen or heard the music playing, right? Because to me, it matters what he was playing, the volume he was playing it at, and what device he was using, right? Because to me, it matters what he was playing, the volume he was playing it at, and what device he was using, right? But I'm imagining a 1995 boom box that has 57 D-cells in it

and he was playing some Moby or something. Something really fucking obnoxious. And in that case... I choose to believe that. I'm choosing to believe a Bluetooth speaker. That's my own personal bias. That's what I think we got going on here. And

I think I'm a little more okay with violent responses to non-violent offenses than most people. I remember... I've noticed that. I don't recall... We come together. I don't recall the topic, but I remember Taylor was like, you never do this. That guy wasn't physical. You don't hit

someone. I think it was based on like an argument in words and stuff. And I was like, no, no, no, I'm okay with that. I'm okay. You can't just say anything and know there'll never be a physical consequence. And all you have to do is not care and you can just run forever. I disagree with that philosophy. I think that if you say enough, then you should take a, you know, a punch to the noggin or something.

My friend, if you want to get that 30 grand back fast, start insulting this man. Get him to cop you one. Apparently he has cop level escalation. He's just like, I'm always looking to take things from the verbal to the physical. I'm always looking for that line.

I just feel like it should be there, right? Otherwise you could just say and do anything other than hit someone. Almost like a free country then. I don't know. The threat of random violence should always be there. Oh, wait, it already is all the time. Right?

But, like, what if someone gets up for you? What if they talk in your face and put your finger in there and insult your parents and your children and such? And then what? You just always look the other way? At some point, you get to transfer from victim to winner. And this guy

in the thing, the other person was playing music on the subway. Clearly something you should get your ass for. And people are punishing him for winning. He's so much bigger and stronger than his opponent that now he's a bad guy. I disagree. I think you're allowed to win.

You're allowed to be bigger and stronger than your opponent. There's no penalty. There's no five-minute majors. Nothing. You're bigger and stronger than some guy who's an asshole. Do it. That only applies when someone attacks you, though, Woody, physically. You can't be the one to escalate.

Ever. You can't be the one to escalate. Ever. You can't be the one who takes... No, no, I like... Au contraire, my good friend Kyle. You can be the one to be the escalator. That way people know escalating has its downsides, it has its risks. This is like the whole pussy pass denied thing

is almost based on this. Like women who go too far. But at some point you are allowed to win you are allowed to be bigger and stronger than the other guy you someone plays music on a subway they should know they're taking their straight nose into their hands or you know whatever the county is there's straight no yes their hand i like that well we can't have the complete you know pussy reality of never confronting people, we can't have the complete, you know, pussy reality of never confronting people. But we can't have the woody reality of beating people to death for minor infractions.

We need to have a regulated response of non-physical rude behavior with physical ramifications. So let's say if someone is playing their music so loud that people 30 feet away can hear on public transportation, you can give that person one open-handed slap i would even give him a warning what if you say hey man like i i can't even keep my thoughts straight your music is really loud for everyone here and he says fuck off bearded person right yeah you can't from article 7 subsection 2 of acceptable public violence i will administer an open-handed slap to you if you don't turn off that goddamn Right? Yeah. You can't. Sir, from Article 7, Subsection 2 of Acceptable Public Violence, I will administer an open-handed slap to you if you don't turn off that goddamn dubstep. I like the way you're thinking.

And then he goes, you know what? Under the law, you're correct. Let me turn that down. I've been a rude person. I'm like, well, you're also obligated to apologize to everyone who's heard your music. And then they get up and they apologize, and then they sit back down, and it doesn't happen. And if they don't, everyone in that 30-foot radius gets an open-handed slap. Nothing more than that.

We can't let this devolve into violent anarchy. One slap. So what's the difference between – look, now obviously we have some very strong opinions here. Very strong and real opinions. Yes, yes, I'll repeat everything. Is there anything between playing your music too loud and a two-on-one assault? Like, is there, like, something in the middle? Yes, they also deserve an open-handed slap for initiating an assault.

Because they broke the law. They went into a headlock when they were only allowed an open-handed slap. If four people attack those two, I'd be fine with that. Yeah, I'm cool with that. Woody, did you follow the whole Machine Gun Kelly, Eminem thing at all in the fight that broke out? The physical? No, not the physical.

The last I heard Eminem was making better songs. Yeah, yeah. Machine Gun Kelly? What? better songs yeah yeah you know then machine gun kelly what the guy who played the wrestlemania theme at wrestlemania 30 i didn't even know that they went back and forth kelly then this fan of i suppose m&m found machine gun kelly somewhere at a bar or something and with his cell phone rolling went up and called him a pussy, and basically started trying to, like, basically berated him, you know, call him lots

of names. And he's trying, of course, to bait Machine Gun Kelly into hitting him, and then he's gonna get sued civilly. So Machine Gun Kelly did the smart thing if you're a celebrity, but you can't get punked. He had his boys beat the shit out of him. I like this move.

Beating the fuck up. One eye swollen shut, his head's all swollen black and blue, and he wasn't a small guy. It was some real justice served. M&M? No, no, no. The guy played

M&M's song to Machine Gun Kelly, who had his henchmen beat him up. And that is brilliant. That is great. That is the way it should go because you can't just walk up to Machine Gun Kelly and dishonor him. No. The Machine Gun Kelly. A guy I heard about a week ago. Yeah. Ten days.

Yeah, yeah. You can't just go up to him and disrespect him and diss him and act like he's your bitch because why? You think he can't hurt you because he has too much money? Because he's too successful? There are no penalties for being too successful. You're allowed to be successful.

So have your henchmen take care of this and brilliant Machine Gun Kelly, I tip my fedora to you. You guys are talking about this guy like he's a poor innocent victim. His name is Machine Gun. You're asking

for trouble if you say your name is Machine Gun. And what did you say? He has henchmen? You guys don't have henchmen. That's a bad guy thing. My God. And he just winked at me. He just winked at me.

Michael, what are you doing over there? Yeah, I like that too. I didn't catch the henchman comment. You didn't say posse. You said he's sick. Like, he's the penguin. He's sick of his henchmen on him. Why not just say goons? I love it! He's his Blackwater Associates on it.

I don't think you should be able to go up and punk people like that and just be like, uhates song. I don't think you should be able to go up and punk people like that and just be like, uh-huh, I can't touch me. You know, provided your feelings aren't easily hurt, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Hire henchmen, clearly. I mean, it would be easier if everyone had a henchman, right?

Just one person. Not if you're an asshole. That would be total chaos. It would be like Pokemon, where you'd be like, henchmen, defend me! And they'd be like, henchmen, defend me! Like, use right hook! Oh no, I have a fire henchman and you have a water henchman. See, this is the best argument for importing refugees I've ever heard.

Okay. Everyone gets a henchman. I got a question. Yeah. I got a question. gets a henchman. I got a question. Yeah. I got a question. Now,

tell me if someone walks up to you and says this, is it okay to fight them? What if they walk up to you and they go, hey, fuck you, pal. Yes! Clearly! Clearly you should hit them! Yes, of course, but what if they actually did this? They said, hey,

fuck you, pal. What if your son is a fuck and they want to know if you are friends with their son fuck because when you're a crazy person like it sounds like the three of you might be you might see everything as a reason to fight which is why we don't escalate things. See, Woody is resisting the urge to punch his computer right now to try and get it. I don't live in your computer! I don't!

Yeah, but you're probably not too far away. Woody could hop on his paramotor, zoot over there. Oh my god. So, I mean, we've got one moralizer here. Doesn't think it's okay to open-hand slap people on buses because they're playing music to them. Oh my God, he's a Bernie Sanders voter. If people leave their garbage in the middle of a food court and you notice it and the trash can's so close and they're walking away, leaving it there,

is it not appropriate to pick that up and throw it at the person who left it there? I would say yes. And you're also making jobs for the Honduran who cleans up. Now, what if someone throws litter out of their car and you're one of those people that puts the litter back in the car? Is that inappropriate? I saw that with a biker with a cigarette, right? I've seen a couple examples of that.

Yeah, it's a thing. I'm totally fine with that. Littering, we do not stand for you do deserve a slap if you litter i'll tell you what in the 70s littering was way more common like if you were eating in your car that was how you disposed of it you put it in the street like the 70s it was like that i uh i did this like i was with a buddy of mine in high school and or maybe it was like summer after the first year. I don't remember. But we were at his parents' house having a really big rager, like a huge party.

And his parents were out of town. A ton of people there. And the next morning, as people are like trickling out, he's like, I got to get rid of all this evidence. I'm like, just throw it in the garbage can. Like they're not going to check the garbage, like the dumpster, and you're fine. He's like, no, no. So he put all these glass bottles in like just one of those flex bags of hefty that can stuff an

enormous amount of volume into it. You can put a dead body in those bags. You could testify. And he put all of those glass bottles in there and he was driving out of there. I was in this because he's like, hey, you want to go out with me? I'll get us breakfast after we throw this away and i was like yeah fucking sure i'm hungry hungover and so i'm sitting in his passenger seat his good buddy is sitting in the

back seat and he's driving and his buddy has this big bag next to him full of glass bottles and we're on a main road a very popular road and i'm like so we're just going to go to Taco Bell and throw these out? I still think it's kind of dumb that you're doing this. And he's like, Adam, here's fine. We're going 50 miles an hour down a popular road. It's really early, so there aren't a ton of people behind us or anything. But this road gets really busy and this guy pushes and shoves this whole bag of glass bud light and budweiser bottles out of the window and it's loud enough because like it's going 50 miles an hour so it's tumbling it immediately tears open and

there are the entire road is coated shattered glass and i'm like dude what the fuck what the fuck are you doing are you we could have thrown it away at taco bell like why he's like i don't want anybody to know and i'm like now they're definitely gonna know but there's 500 beer bottles they're shattered in the middle of the road probably a couple receipts with your name on it like what the fuck were you thinking and then like probably 10 minutes later he's like yeah Taylor, that was a bad idea. And I'm like, yes, yes, it was. And so I don't think he ever got in trouble, but he did do that. He didn't care for it.

I would have given him an open-handed slap if he wasn't driving the vehicle. Real horrible human being. Let me slip in an advertisement here, tell everybody about Robinhood. This episode of PK is brought to you by Robinhood. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos, all commission-free. And they make it so easy with their simple and intuitive, easy-to-digest app design. Now with most other brokerages you could sign up with, they're going to charge you up to $10 for every single trade. But the great thing about using Robinhood is that they don't charge any commission fees.

You can trade stocks and keep all of the profits. Whether you're a seasoned day trader or you haven't begun investing at all, you'll want to take advantage of this great offer right now because Robinhood is giving our listeners a free stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint to help you begin building your portfolio. So go sign up at painkiller.robinhood.com. That's painkiller.robinhood.com. There's a link down below.

I believe Chiz personally uses Robinhood as one of his brokerages. And they're great because you can buy and sell cryptocurrencies on there now, as well as stocks. All right. And Casper Mattresses. This episode of PK is brought to you by Casper Mattresses. Casper is a sleep brand that makes expertly designed products to help you get your best rest one night at a time. Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves,

providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies. Their breathable design helps you sleep cool and regulates your body temperature throughout the night. Casper offers two other mattresses, the Wave and the Essential. The Wave features a patent-pending premium support system to mirror the shape of your body, and the Essential has a streamlined design at a price that won't keep you up at night. Casper also offers a wide array of other products like pillows and sheets to ensure an overall better sleep experience, all designed, developed, and assembled in the USA. And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep on it trial. So start sleeping better today and get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash pka and using code pka at checkout.

Terms and conditions apply. Casper.com slash PKA and using code PKA at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. That's Casper.com slash PKA. Promo code PKA at checkout for 50 bucks toward select mattresses. Links down below. Very cool. Check them out.

I sleep on my Casper every night. It's fantastic. It's where I do all my sleeping and most of my fucking. Speaking of fucking, I ran across this little article. Where is this going? I can't wait to hear this! Apparently, this person is in a bit of trouble.

The title reads, cross-dresser made sex tapes with 150 men after tricking them, posing as a bored housewife. 50 men after tricking them, posing as a bored housewife. Brian, this 32-year-old guy named Brian from Florida, pled guilty to two counts of interception of oral communication. I don't know what, I thought that was going somewhere else, but he was arrested back in July for making unlawful recordings of sex acts for a porn site. Basically had this porn site called straightboys.net, which promised videos of gay men conning straight men into sex uh the pictures on of online on craig's list um would show him in a wig makeup nails

uh stockings and heels to trick these men and if you scroll down all these pictures are safe for work uh it's just a person in lingerie they're watching um yeah. Not super convincing, but also not the worst. Yeah, yeah. Do you see the boobs? You see those guns? Boys don't have that. I was thinking that he was going to be like tricking people who didn't know that he was a man. But no, they knew that.

No, no. He tricked them by filming it. Like they knew that he was a cross- no they knew that no no it's he tricked them by filming it like they knew that he was a cross-dresser right like how could you not when his penis comes out i think that he was blowing them only blowing them when the men asked for assurances that there were no cameras he assured them that she's married to someone in the army and she would never photograph or video them, according to law enforcement document. Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure that the idea was that, like, you know, she kept up the charade and had sex of some kind with these men. Maybe we should go to the website.

I wonder if it's still up. I'm not going to go to straightboys.net. Boys has a Z in it. Give me the floor for a second. boys.net boys has a z in it out there if you want to check it out he would then pretend to be a housewife married to someone in the army as he lived near a homestead reserve air base men would arrive at his home where he would woo them before having sex with them blindfolded on hidden camera so i promise there's no cameras what is blindfold on what does having sex with them mean in this well if he blindfolds them,

he could get away with it, right? He could probably put it in his butt and just pretend like, you know, we're having some anal sex here. You know? Yeah. Yeah, totally. But how could he hide his penis if they're having anal sex? Well, don't touch

me there. What position are you in in this scenario? Reverse cowgirl. They're sitting on the couch. Well, don't touch me there. What position are you in in this scenario? Reverse cowgirl. They're sitting on the couch. Oh, that would be the best one. I don't know if you can tell. I don't think you can tell the difference between his butthole and a young lady's butthole. Not with your penis.

You know, I'm curious about the voice thing. Because his voice had to have given him away, right? Hi. See, if a woman came to me and did that exact voice, Kyle, I him away, right? See, if a woman came to me and did that exact voice, Kyle, I'd go, no, no, no, no. No, this is deception, ma'am. I would like to hear

Asterios' female voice. Oh, wait. What would my female voice be? It would be like, Hi, my name is Kyle Lee. My name's Kyle Lee, a girl name is kyle no i blow it so you you just have that vocal fry like a little bit california like vocal fry a little bit quieter plausible than i built if you go oh fresh my name's the stereo's the girl version.

Now it's suspicious. Vocal fry, you can fry your way in there. Why are you looking at me like that? I don't have a cock. Exactly. Not good. I shaved my shoulders just how you like it. That's fine, ma'am. This is a jack in the box.

Scroll down to the bottom and you can see what this gentleman looks like without the whole get-up. Not an attractive man. There's a few more pictures. Not an attractive man. There's some attractive pictures of this person. Like, I mean, I think we're all looking at different articles, or at least

I am. I have 20 of them up right now, and I'm going to save them for later. But, I mean, the interesting thing here is, what is it? Oh, where's the line? The line is 80... Where did it go? God damn it. Here we go.

Oh, she made 150 sex tapes. 80 of the men say they were unaware, which means that 70 of them were totally cool with being blown on tape by a bored housewife which is i mean that's a trade-off but if you're hard up i don't know are you in your current situation you know you're hard up life's been been giving you a rough deal recently and there's a nice gentleman who's willing to blow you know you're hard up life's been been giving you a rough deal recently and there's a nice

gentleman who's willing to blow you if you just keep questions to a minimum do you let this gentleman come on over and and service you just get some pressure off we've all been there look at this look at this person yeah look at them you tell me that look this could be a woman you don't know it's got a sepia filter on it, that's not reality Plausible deniability What dimension was she in when she took that? Yeah, you just have your drunkenness You need to put away your gallon of water and get your gallon of gin

Or whatever to get you ready for that I'm telling you, when you're fucked up The whole world looks like it's sepia toned Everything's a flashback This guy has a crooked nose If you look at the guy picture towards the bottom My theory is He played music on a bluetooth speaker in a subway

Ah And so he got his nose broken And had to turn to covertly blowing men For no profit To get his life back on track No profit? Straightboys.net You underestimate how popular that is amongst us Did anybody website. Straightboys.net? Yeah, his website. You underestimate how popular that is amongst us.

Did anybody go to straightboys.net? I didn't get anything. It looked like it was vacant. Well, I'll take your word for it. Let me do a little perusing on the internet, though, and I'll see what I can find. He is vibing transvestite. Oh, shit.

Is that a popular genre? Tricking straight men into having sex with a cross-dresser? I don't know about... That's pretty specific, but I think the idea of a straight guy going curved, whatever not straight is, for the first time is a kink, is a popular kink.

I would think that it'd be more popular with a willingness to do it, right? Oh, no. Link it. What do you got? Is it on straightboys.net? No, I just googled straightboys.net

all split up so that I could get the re-uploads. If it were the re-uploads, I'm not sure if this is him. He's getting mouth-fucked pretty extreme. split up so that I could get like the reuploads. You know, if it were the reuploads, I, I'm not sure if this is him. It's, he's getting mouth fucked pretty extreme and he's not dressed up. I'm trying to find one where he's dressed up.

Oh, so it's just him. Yeah, I think that's him. Doesn't even have his wig on. No, he just looks like a dude, but the guy's blindfolded.

So at that point, just cool things, cool your head off. The guy looks like he's wearing swimming goggles. Yes, they would sometimes wear blindfolds, and sometimes they would wear blackout goggles. And why haven't you shared this link yet? Because it's porn. Oh, no. Woody, you know.

Oh, no. Woody, you know. We don't look at porn all the time on this show and mock it. It's also gay porn, and it's pretty graphic. I mean, we're not going to show gay graphic porn, but we can goof on this situation. This is... I wonder how close... I wonder how many people figured it out.

Like, because Kyle, let's say you're hard up for a blowy. You show up and this cross-dresser is there. You notice immediately that it's a man. But you think, if I don't really acknowledge that in my brain, it's not real. Like, there had to be

quite a few guys who knew what was going on he's fucking this one in the ass i think this guy knew exactly what was going on is this like uh is his penis visible um he's dressed as a man i'm i'm sorry i'm trying to find where he's actually dressed as a woman because so you're just looking up gay sex we're looking for for this guy. It's him. It's him. But so far I've seen him blow literally 20 men. Don't say he's not hardworking.

What's funny is Kyle's abandoned the show and just started watching gay porn. He's not sharing links. He's not talking about it. He's like, hold on, boys. I mean, I could start linking you to this. This one, he's just dressed like a man in his work jeans blowing someone and i tell you what five six more minutes of this and i've had enough well there you go i think that's what you wanted okay yeah so they're wearing

goggles i get blackout goggles now i understand the concept and like kyle said oh wait is that the same dude I think yeah look at the nose it when you get to like see the thing is the rest of his face is shaped so much differently when he's got a cock in his mouth that oh don't don't pinch his nipples that that's really good yeah we're on the same video. So are you guys all just watching gay sex here? Well, it's not every week we do this. People in the podcast just look for a flimsy pretense to watch gay sex. That's how we're doing with our Thursday night. See, but it's serious.

It's not always gay sex. Sometimes we watch people into scat or people into pissing on each other people who fuck animals like this is actually pretty tame we've done so many midgets it's become cliche at this point on the show we made a genocide list of people we wish weren't around anymore like a month yeah yeah talk about circumcision. We did.

Right back around to that. Yeah. Where do you come down on circumcision, Asterios? I don't want it to happen again. I'm done with it. One and done. Yeah.

Huh. So, Melvin Gillard. We know Melvin Gillard, fan of the show, victim of Joe Lozon, MMA fighter. Apparently, he beat his girlfriend. Oh, God! That's a shock. Well, was she playing her music loudly

in public? Yeah, there could be two sides to this story. Black eye with a blonde hair. Yeah, I know this guy. Yeah, yeah. Let me share the article a bit. For bit if people don't know him this is what he looks like and uh he was a good mma fighter actually he was one fight away from a champ from a title shot until until he ran into joe lozano and then that all got sidetracked but uh two separate offenses i'm not i have to read up again it's been a a while. There's a video here. Oh, yeah.

That was a different one. So one wasn't his girlfriend. Do you want to watch the video together? It's pretty horrible quality, if I'm being honest. You can't tell who's who. Well, there's an error on mine that says where he is shortly before it happens. Right. So they're seeing it on my screen.

Yeah, he just one punches a guy. Two guys! Two punches, two knockouts. That makes sense. He is a trained killer. Yeah. Oh, and now a girl is attacking him. Oh, big mistake. I hate that move.

I hate that move. He just knocked out two men. And she's like, well, I will come here invulnerably because I'm a girl. And I wish he'd like, this guy's a fucking cunt. He's a trained fighter and he just sucker punched two people. Not a fan of that. Taylor of being a train.

This is right in this guy's a fucking cunt. But to be fair, Woody, he, they might've had loud music playing, so I will not pass judgment. But I also think like maybe not an open-handed slap but if people have their hair dyed that ridiculous yellow color they deserve

like you can like thump them with your middle finger in the forehead once just as like a social thing just like get it together i i will say like these are real sucker punches that guy had no i'll just watch the first guy get knocked out he had had no idea that was coming. The second one put his hands up to defend himself, but didn't really know what he was doing. They were way out here. So he just threw a hook and just took him out too. That's when you have to put your hand on him and be like, G'day!

Get away! Shoot! Stick him up! Stick him up! Yeah, you're in my neighborhood now, pal out of here. Get away. Shoot. Stick him up. Stick him up. Yeah, you're in my neighborhood now, pal. That's clearly two fingers. I call it my two finger fucking run. The first girl he beat up, so he was cheating on his wife,

and he and his girlfriend had an argument about when he was going to leave his wife to be with the girlfriend. And I think the answer to that is always never. They're just lying to their side chicks, typically. And so they got into a fight. And shockingly, he won. He won. Yeah.

Hey, hey, you don't fault him for winning a fight, okay? This is what I'm saying, right? Did she hit first? She knew going into that that he's a 155-pound fucking killer, right? Probably top 20 in the world at what he does at his size. We better be careful what you say to this man. So they began arguing, and here's where she went wrong. She raised her volume.

Mm. Mm-hmm. You can't do that and expect him not to grab her around the neck with one arm, put it under her chin and cut off her breathing and then shake her from side to side and strangle her. I didn't know it was because he wanted to keep his woman quiet. So I'm really reevaluating, you know, because we've all wanted to shut him up. Yeah, who hasn't wanted to shut him up. Yeah. Who hasn't wanted to shut up a loud woman before?

If he had just gone with an open-handed slap, I think I might be on his team. Maybe she was spreading lies about him. Or truths. Either way. Maybe she sued him for $20 million for writing a cuck-themed Christmas album. She asked him when he was going to leave his wife. So he did the natural thing. He grabbed her by the neck and lifted her off her feet. album. She asked him when he was going to leave his wife, so he did the natural thing. He grabbed

her by the neck and lifted her off her feet and strangled her and shook her around. I've seen Woody do that to a person for far less. Cross-eyed looks. Now that guy was cross-eyed. Who knew? I've done worse to get a parking space.

You mess around with pets and animals, you're getting guillotined. You're coming off the ground, buddy. Do you guys think there should be harsher punishments legally for trained fighters who do this kind of shit in public as compared to a normal person? I'm not taking a stance on it.

I'm curious. I think an assault is an assault for the same reason I don't like hate crime legislation. All crimes are hate crimes. And I feel like if this guy is going to beat you up, he shouldn't be punished because he's good at it, right? Where do we draw the line? Like I'm not afraid of a fucking blue belt in karate.

I'm going to laugh at that, right? Like that's some bullshit. First of all, it's kind of a bullshit martial art unless you're doing, like, point karate or something and fighting a tournament. It's like 99% of the people who – Howard Stern is some kind of a brown belt in fucking karate. He took it for years and years. Are you worried about Howard Stern's karate skills? No, of course not. He's not going to fucking roundhouse kick you or anything.

No, I don't want to hear it. So where do you start classifying these people as martial artists or trained fighters or whatever? Like maybe you could say if someone's a professional, he literally makes his living in the ring. Yeah, that's what I mean. Here's where mine is. I don't think it's that he's a professional fighter, but I do think that different aggressions could have different penalties, right? So if, for example, a guy shoves you in the chest that should be some sort of misdemeanor nothing right if he open hand slaps you then then we ratchet it up a bit if he flat

out knocks you out with one punch like galard yeah galard i'm saying it right does then that's a higher punishment still so it's not that they're pro fighters it's just how effective they were in the assault. Okay. You guys have some really ghoulish topics on this show. I just want to bring that up. You're like, first up first, two people attack a stranger on the train. Next, someone tricks 150 people

into having secretly videotaped sex, and now what's this? Another person got hurt? Strong opinions on female genital mutilation most of us are against I am for a very specific... Who the hell picked the stories to fucking Crypt Keeper? What are you three doing? Dude, I can't believe you weren't here. I am for a very specific kind of female genital mutilation. Now I gotta hear hot takes on this.

Well, first of all... Three other cis dudes. Oh, no! First of all, if the labia are too big, you gotta get out the shears. Alright? I'm taking a break from this! What a puss! Oh!

Oh, God! That's too much for this guy! What? Just tell me what he's done! I really thought you'd roll with these punches, Hesterios! You gotta de-hood the clit, Spirio! Why? Because we're sensitive!

I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive!

I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! I'm not sensitive! You gotta de-hood the clit, Spirio. Why? It was more sensitive. What's your problem? Because it seems like it'd be easier to bring an orgasm if the hood wasn't there, right? Yeah. Right? It would take less talent. What you gotta do now with the two hands and the spreading and the...

There's a lot of technique. I don't think I picked this up until I was in my 30s. Back me up, Assyrios. Make one compelling argument against female gender manipulation. I defy you. Oh, Lord. Jesus.

I've laid out a lot of strong points about how he likes pussy to look. I mean, I can't believe you missed last week because last week we literally looked at pictures of rapists and molesters and just by the picture, their age and name, we guessed and played a game of what they did and we got it right.

One time I literally said, this guy diddled a five-year-old girl. Same here. Diddled a five-year-old girl. The crime. The description of the crime used the word diddle. Diddle. Well, how

windowless was this van we were talking about? How many? How windowless? Because it's like, was it so windowless there wasn't even a windshield? Just like a metal box on wheels? Like when Frank tints the inside of the windows and it's always sunny. And he's like, I don't want

anybody to see inside. We can't see outside, Frank. I can never not watch those scenes with Danny DeVito and not crack up. He's so good. This season has been absolute dog shit, but the most recent episode, which is about sexual harassment,

is fucking great. It goes right up there. It's like a top, I don't know, 25, 30 all-time episodes. It really is good. It's got Mac grabbing Dee by the pussy and lifting her feet off the ground. Frank is worried because the statute of

limitations apparently is, there are states talking about removing it for certain kinds of sexual assault. At first he's like, oh, I'm fine. They don't have anything on me past 92 and they're like actually they're talking about removing that statute of limitations oh i gotta call my lawyer he's like he's like sweating it out he's like no no just just look up the abortion records you'll find her no she wasn't chinese you know i don't go asian well maybe thai i don't go Asian. Well, maybe, Ty. I don't know. Oh, yeah, that one. Oh, yeah, definitely her.

I got her good. Well, it's all this fucked up shit. It's great. It's all about sexual harassment. And each of them get put in their place. And Dennis is fucking diabolically scary. He's like, well, that's what he's talking about. Their phones sent the consent.

Maybe they didn't. Their phones did the consent. Maybe they didn't. Their phones did. I haven't watched any of this season yet. Garbage. It's fucking been garbage so far. I've heard that and it's really disappointing. The same way that South Park has gotten a little shitty the last couple years. But it's different because South Park

they got shittier because they started doing a whole season story arc when South Park used to do one-off hilarious shit. And that's better. That's what South Park needs to be doing. I don't fucking want to follow PC Principal around because he's not funny for more than four minutes. I'm sorry. He's not.

He's a one-note character. I don't want to watch that guy all season. Like, make it funnier. Like, Sonny, I haven't watched any of this season, but they are getting to that point in the show where it's inevitably going to get shittier. No, it's almost like they're trying to make it bad. The first episode was awful. The second episode was just eh. It wasn't good.

The third episode is literally the worst episode they've ever made. What's the topic on that one? They redo the gang tries to outdrink Boggs on the airplane, but it's just the women. gang tries to out-drink Boggs on the airplane, but it's just the women. It's just Dee and Artemis and the waitress and Mac's mom on an airplane. Why would they do that? There's not even most of the characters.

I want to pitch this thought and tell me if it's possible. Because I feel like this is true with a lot of other shows. We say, this show lost it. This show's not good anymore. But the truth is, this show's as good as it ever was, but unless they keep doing better every year, we see it as a loss. No, they hired five lady writers.

Oh, they did that? That always ruins shows. Why would they do that? I'm telling you, Woody. I'm not imagining this. I can go back to, like, a lot of fans don't like the gang cracks the Liberty Bell, right? They do this flashback to the 1700s where the gang is all it's all i like that one right like i enjoy it this is bringing it up to say you're open for different ideas right oh yeah totally break the mold i like the one where it's just

frank having amnesia and a lot of it is like first person view from his eyes and he's staggering around town and it doesn't really involve where they did the black wizard of oz thing i forget the name of that but i did love that one, but it's still better than the first three episodes they did this year. I'm telling you, they were garbage. They were real bad. The most recent one is excellent.

It seems like the weather vane of a show dying is when you see things like, oh, this year we're going to make our writing staff we're going to hire seven women on our writing staff. And it's like, oh, this year we're going to make our writing staff, we're going to hire seven women on our writing staff. And it's like, oh, so you're just going to shoehorn people in then, right? So you're going

away from the creators of the show writing it. That's how it always goes, when they introduce new writers for the fuck of it. And they obviously don't maintain the show the same way. Are we sure that the problem is that they hired women writers and not that it's It doesn't have to be women, just new writers.

That's where I am mysterious. I think it's the women. What I'd say is it's season 14 of this show. They're now all multi-millionaires. It's also possible their hearts might not be in it. A female copywriter

wrote the wrote the album that got me sued so i know they cost a lot of money that's true that's irrefutable the the argument i bring up all the time is how i met your mother i liked how i met your mother all the way to the last season but a lot of people feel like that show fell off and i think the truth is the show stayed good but unless it just keeps getting keeps getting better every year people think it got worse yeah there were like 13 seasons of how i met i mean like the drew care show it's it's like if you look at the last episode like it's pretty good but they were like 11 seasons it's like it's so i think the only show that went long and didn't get bad is king of the hill i mean look at the simons. It's like the first seven

seasons are the greatest thing ever. Actually, I mean, seasons three, four, five, and six are amazing, and then you watch it now, and you feel like you're going to die. Seven and eight are pretty good. They have good episodes in them, but they're not like five and six. Five

is the prime. Yeah, where every episode is good. even marge's fear flying like is a really good episode isn't that episode of uh um uh kate isn't the cape fear episode in season five like they're floating down and like the scene that like will be in you know imprinted on my memory forever is when bart's trying to go to sleep and homer bursts in with a knife he's like bart would you like a brownie trying to go to sleep and Homer bursts in with a knife. He's like, Bart,

what'd you like a brownie before you go to bed? You know, over there with the knives, like, geez, Homer. Oh, that was,

that's such a, the Simpsons, the Simpsons has been so, so bad for so long. People have forgotten how good that show was. Like it used to be incredible. It was hilarious. It's been bad. Like five times as long as it's been good.

But wait, I would argue people forgot how much it sucked. Like, in the very beginning when Homer was, like, ultra mean, not loving dad and stuff. Season one is bad. Season one, I forget when Homer's character really turned. But he was initially, like, not much of a character. He certainly wasn't the center of it. It was about bart and he just choked him and he didn't have many lines and and you know it got better the simpsons i like the choking the choking was

the punchline choking is good that's why i have a safe word i was gonna make that same joke have any of you seen the teaser for the new season of South Park? They just show a scene. We could watch it. It's like 30 seconds. Yeah, I'd love to. I don't know what the plot is this season. Man, I hope they go back to one-offs. I don't think they will, but I hope they do.

Yeah, it's literally 38 seconds here. Filled with music or not? No. No music. Awesome. here filled with music or not no no awesome sorry i'm slow to queue up all right i'm ready when everybody else is good to go three three two one play Three, two, one, play. Stanley, well, do you want to tell your father about what happened at school today? Um, oh, I flunked my math quiz. No, the other thing. What other thing?

What happened at school today? Oh, the school shooting? Yes, the school shooting! Oh yeah, some kid shot up the school. Oh yeah, some kid shot up the school. Who shot up the school? Was it you? No. Did you get shot?

No. Oh. Well, what's this about failing a math quiz? Wow! That'll be fun. That's hilarious. I have high hopes. I agree with Taylor completely that it needs to be

episodic storylines that are just one-off and it sort of allows them to be free to go really kooky and crazy, and then if Donald Trump gets elected president, it doesn't ruin a whole fucking season of the show, which is what happened. At least one season. Now, like, fucking Mr. Garrett's off, or Mr. Garrison's off,

like, in the White House with a blonde wig on. I need him in that classroom, putting shit up Mr. Slave's asshole and being inappropriate with the kids. I got, like, I got tired of Mr. Garrison as the president after, like, one episode of it. One episode. Like, it's like, okay, well,

that was funny, now it's not like now put him back being the pervy gay teacher with mr slave in in the fourth grade classroom like yeah why would you not do that i don't know sometimes i think that that old stuff would it's been right remember when he had that weird motorcycle and you you powered it by sticking the dildo up your ass to drive it. And then in the end you found out you didn't have to do that. I don't know. He's like, what was it?

People, the whole show are getting into their warp. Trying to put it in their ass. And he's like, and you control the front part with your mouth on this piece. And your hands over here going like this. And we're're like could we do this without having it in our ass and he's like well i suppose i suppose we got a whale if someone wanted like it was great oh they get it that like all the best episodes of south park are one off like go back to season i think it was five again maybe five is the magic number for these cartoon shows. That was when Scott Tenorman Must Die came out. Oh, that's my favorite episode of all time.

It beats fucking Scott Tenorman's parents to him as Chili. And then, who is it? Radiohead shows up. And it's really Radiohead. And they're like, we heard there was a cool guy here. Looks like it's just a crybaby. Oh, look at the crybaby crying. And they're just ripping off like it was so mean and they they like even referenced that when they did the crossover episode with the simpsons like making fun of how the simpsons aren't like we're so milquetoast

where bart's like yeah well one time i cut the head off a statue it's like oh really that's cool one time one time this kid pissed me off so i killed his parents, cut him up, and fed him to him in chili. It's like, oh, shit. All right, dude, you handle this one. Yeah. It's a dark fucking show. That is my favorite episode of all time, Scott Tenorman Must Die. It's excellent. Scott, you know, they're fucking selling.

Cartman's buying pubic hair. There's a couple of murders. There's cannibalism. It's an amazing revenge. And then everybody's like, Jesus, Cartman's pretty fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we shouldn't fuck with him anymore. Yeah, let's not fuck with Cartman anymore. Like, he tried to train a pony to bite

penises. Has there ever been an example of a show that late got better? Like, is there any example out there ever of a show that got better late on? Because I can't think of one. Seinfeld was strong all the way through, if you ask me. Now, I didn't like the season finale, of course.

But it started early because the other actors were trying to get paid, right? Yeah, that's what happened. They wanted, yeah, if I understand the story right, Jason Alexander and Julie Louise Dreyfus, maybe? They were like, hey, we want to get some of the residuals on this. We want to get paid. And Seinfeld was like,

nope, fuck off. And they're like, well, you know, we're going to do this, etc. So they got paid like a million bucks an episode, but got no ownership. And then that was the last year and they cut it. So I think that's how that went i did not know that yeah i think it was jerry's decision i know that um right but like based on the idea that you know once other people started making money you know better yet like once it it was less profitable for him he's like fuck it i'm out

i am glad that seinfeld stopped when it did because it never had a downturn like people get a little pissy about the series finale but even parts of that were hilarious when uh when john pinette god rest his soul is out there you know being the fat guy and they're all just making fun of him that's hilarious when babu is the prime witness called to the stand he's like you're a very bad man jerry very bad and he does this big finger wag like even that episode was good i i don't know if it was the money though woody because like nbc were literally offering jerry 100 million dollars to do one more season i just read about it last week so i was going off of that yeah i i don't know it was the number one show on television they were killing it like there was plenty of money to go around it would seem you think and like i think they're offering jerry

100 million not for the show i think jerry was 100 million to do one more one more fucking season which is insane must be fucking nice to for 100 million not to be enough incentive guy's a billionaire now right i think he's got like i think i think he? He and Larry David are the ones who get the syndication money. They're just always making money. Lulu paid something big and if I recall, he hit $900 million. Let's call it that.

And the DVDs as well. It probably just keeps going up. I imagine he makes money faster than he spends it. For sure. And he's working still. He doesn't seem... And he's working still. You know, he's still fucking... I think he did a special for Netflix.

Or he's got one coming out or something. For fun, though. Like, that's the best part. Well, his people, they like to put it away. Did you ever do stand-up, Asterios? Say quiet there, Paul. Asterios or was that not here we're serious we lost your lost your audio maybe you muted oh duh sorry uh where is my god there we go uh yeah i like stand-up a lot i prefer podcasts though i prefer no did you

you did stand up oh yeah for years uh but prefer just, like, talking and bullshitting. It's a lot more fun and, I think, more engaging. But, yeah, Seinfeld was amazing. I heard that they offered, like, everyone from Seinfeld $5 million an episode to do one more season. Like, all of them. And I guess Jerry's the one that didn't want to do one more season like all of them and i guess jerry's the one that didn't want to do it but i mean that's how much they wanted to hang on to this show what like it was such a and it's still making money today and syndicate it's like still on in syndication and there's episodes that are like 25 years old of seinfeld they're still on some people were really

upset like who's george costanza's dad What's that actor's name? Jerry Stiller. Yeah, thank you. Jerry Stiller. Jerry Stiller was super upset because his role in the show was growing, right? People, he was getting popular. He was becoming a – He was hilarious. He was hilarious.

He was doing great. And then Seinfeld's like, fuck it, I'm out. And he's like, no, no. Like this is the peak of my career. This is my chance. Like I could have financial security for life if you just do one more season. no, no, like this is the peak of my career. This is my chance. Like I could have financial security for life if you just do one more season. That would mean everything to Jerry Stiller.

And, you know, Seinfeld's like, nope, fuck it, I'm done. Yeah, because I was pretty late when they did the Serenity Now episode. I like it when actors and actresses really value, like Tina Fey, right? She had a show. 30 Rock.

Yeah, yeah. And she was like a big part of her sense of responsibility involved employing all those people. This is a business that will go under, right? Like every show does. And she took that as a big part of her responsibility. Parks and Rec 2 with Amy Poehler. Kyle, you know the king of that, what you just said about the person running the show or the character or whatever who's the crux of the show continuing on to support their underlings is Howard Stern. It's Howard Stern. There was a few years ago where Sal Governale, who's a contributor on the show, showed up late to work.

And it just happened to be that it was the day when Stern was going to let everybody know what was going on with the new contract negotiations. So Sal comes in and they tell him that that's it. They're done. Show's over. Show's ending like tomorrow. He starts crying, talking about how am I going to pay for my kid's college? How am I going to support my boys? What about my boys

and like they let him cry for a while but but but he knows and he mentions it occasionally that like i guess i'm just gonna keep doing this forever so these knuckleheads have a fucking job right because they're unemployable like so many of them so many of them are fucking unemployable at this point because i've had them fucking using their cocks to finger paint each other's faces and like pissing on people in public and you know my guy who might have had some journalistic credentials i send him off to like badger celebrities so nobody will ever work with him again you know he's gonna ruin everybody else's career and you know guys like gary delBate and

John Hyne, they'll go on and do their own podcast, their own radio show on Sirius, I'm sure, but the lower end guys like Sal Gravenali and Richard and some of those guys like Ronnie Munt, they got nowhere to go. Gary DeLaBate in particular,

he books guests and runs a show. Howard acts like he's completely incompetent, but he doesn't seem to be to me. He didn't have any credentials coming into the job. It's funny to listen to the clips from, I don't know, 25 years ago or something when Gary calls in for the first time. All of his employees are call-in people. Sal is like that.

He was Sal the stockbroker who would call in and be kind of funny on the phone. And now he's sort of essential to the show. He's in the back doing prank phone calls. Or he'll come in and contribute and tell stories. And they did this gag once where he took a DNA test. And he kept getting, he's Italian, but he looks Arabic. And he doesn't like that, especially in like the post 9-11 era. And so like, he's like, yeah, I went to this Indian place to get coffee.

And they're like, it is on us, my friend. And he's like, why is it on you? And he's like, you're Indian, no? He's like, no, I'm Italian, I'm pink. Oh my God. He doesn't like like it and so they get his dna results back they didn't even do the fucking dna test they didn't do it they lied to him and tell him he's 28 fucking arabic and not a drop of italian and he's having a meltdown because he's an arab now they're like what are you going to tell your wife dude what are you going to tell

your wife your children think of your children aren't italian their children are arabs what will you do he's so racist that's hilarious he's the one where they had this shit called miss howard stern who's really just like i and i don't i don't use this term misogynistically or lightly, a dumb whore, this blonde chick who is literally functionally retarded. I'm telling you, look up Miss Howard Stern, listen to her talk for two minutes, listeners out there, tell me she's all there. She ain't. She's retarded.

Now, wait, wait, hold on. This dumb whore, which I'll clarify, I do use misogynistically. She is an actual impaired person or just so dumb that it's like, oh, what a ditz. I was on the other side. Is she actually a whore? Yes, both of those things. First of all, she's definitely a whore, and I'll get to the whoriness in a moment. She was a stripper, and she's sort of like a sugar baby type situation.

She fucks lots of guys, and she gets wasted and fucks guys and stuff. But she's dumb as a bag of rocks. She was homeschooled by her grandma down here in Georgia. So it's like three strikes, right? She's a fucking homeschooled blonde, Georgia. No chance, right? I was homeschooled for two years. That's a littlechooled for two years that's a little inside joke for me

that's a little inside joke for me they were asking I'll watch this back and laugh she didn't know like simple stuff like basic mathematics like 13 times 3 is or like 14 minus 4 is like really simple, like really a moron.

Well, anyway, long story short, she's been Miss Howard Stern for years. They just never did another contest because she's so ridiculous. They just keep bringing her in. And over the years, she gets older and older, and she started at like 20, and now she's like 27 or something. It's not that she aged. Yeah, but she parties hard, so she really did age a little. Women do go rotten at 26.

That's known. That's true. Fact. Inside and out. And so she starts getting all this plastic surgery, and it's bad plastic surgery, like huge tits and big crazy lips and stuff like that. Well, long story short, she gets wasted, and she gets knocked up. Well, the gentleman who knocked her up was an African-American. Well, Sal Governale on the they have a wrap up show, which is kind of like our PKN.

He's like, well, that's what you get when you when you're when you're running around getting wasted and being slutty. You end up with a black baby. And they're like, whoa. Oh, shit. That's the most racist thing you've ever said. And he's like, well, that's not racist. I'm just saying, you know, you get drunk and they're like whoa oh shit that's the most racist thing you've ever said and he's like what that's not racist i'm just saying you know you get drunk and you're slutty and it with a black baby he literally didn't see why it was racist there was a did he go into a thing where he's like well is she a whore yes yes is she an idiot then I present to you the evidence of a black child. Like, did he go into it that way? Yeah. So like, so as a joke,

Howard has an actress, a comedian, a female comedian, pretend like she's Sirius XM HR. And she calls Sal and she's like, the higher ups are talking about, you know, they want you off the show. Howard's trying to step in, but he doesn't have a lot of power here.

We need a recorded apology, an audio apology from you for this. And so he starts doing take after take of this audio apology, where it's like half apology and half still sticking to his gun. Oh, my God. He's like, I didn't want to offend anyone. I apologize for noticing patterns. Also, I didn't want to offend anyone. I apologize for noticing patterns. Also, I apologize. I was just saying that, you know, when you get inebriated and, you know, you're not making the best decisions, you fuck a black guy, you know, and that's what happens, you know.

And they're just like, no, this is worse. You're making it worse. It was great. It was great. They do some really fun pranks. That there it's it's good shit i love that content it's such good it's kind of garbage now unless you like interview shows it's not it's not my cup of tea anymore i saw him interview a guy from snl i don't know their names but he's ariana grande's boyfriend yeah howard's obsessed with that guy. Really? Pete Davidson. Don't people call him Butthole Eyes?

No one. What? Just you. I was unaware of this. I will be right back. I apologize. Google search Butthole Eyes. I knew I saw that somewhere.

I knew it. And it only shows pictures of her boyfriend. Whoever he said his name was. Pete Davidson. There he is. On Barstool Sports, does Pete Davidson have butthole eyes? Now this is pressing journalism. He does have butthole eyes.

What does that mean? Crohn's disease does not cause butthole eyes. It's because he's got brown. His eyelids are brown. I think that's the deal. Oh, right. He kind of has a darkness there. He's got butthole eyes.

Oh, he's got Crohn's disease? Who cares? That doesn't cause that. That's what the article was saying, yeah. Well, let me Google. Does Crohn's disease cause butthole eyes you totally get an article about this dude but anyway they were talking about the reverend that groped her they were talking about the reverend that groped her and he was like yeah man like it wasn't a big

deal to us like we didn't even know what happened until afterwards and they thought that it was totally innocent i thought that it couldn't possibly innocent but he's like actually ariana's really short and that guy's really tall and he just kind of grabbed her under the armpit instead of by the waist like you'd expect because of the mismatch in their height and uh to hear him lay it out there and like forgive the guy made me buy into it ah he's gonna what howard's obsessed with that guy he's been talking about it for months because how i feel like howard really envies like what that guy's got going on he's like look at this guy he's young he's on snl he's got that girl she's worth and she's worth like some ungodly

amount of money now like let's call it 300 million dollars or something like that he's like he's like i would quit all that comedy bullshit my whole job would be making that girl laugh and cum. That's all he needs to be worried about. Because I think they've got their names tattooed on each other, and maybe they're engaged or something like that. He's always got an interesting take on shit like that.

He's a little younger than her. Interesting. She's pretty hot. She is incredibly famous and loaded so yeah fucking you know pete davidson if you're i know you're a big pka listener yeah man don't let don't let the butthole eyes comments get you down because at the end of the day you've got ariana grande and she's really famous and rich and yeah and she could probably help you get a surgery to fix those butthole eyes

yeah you could get like an eye bleaching yeah instead of anal bleaching probably use the same chemical frankly yeah you should go you should go to a spa and ask them to butthole bleach your eyes and all of this will go away so i i i didn't realize i was reading about him but um have you heard the term big dick energy no that sounds familiar but i don't know i feel like you just made that up but okay let's let me hear more i can't tell if it's funny sounding and i'm acting like i've heard of it or if i actually have you tell me what it means so big dick energy it got sort of out there because he and ariana grande are kind of a mismatch right like we're all talking about his butthole eyes no one's looking at him as the next like hollywood lead but she's gorgeous right you know she's 10 and he seems to be completely comfortable

with this notion that they are a match and he has what they're calling big dick energy where he's just sort of self-confident and out there rocking it and like yeah this is a couple what's weird about that and i i like the idea of this big dick energy. Who's the really hot chick? Kirstie Bell, maybe? Something like that? She was like a bad guy in the movie adaptation of Chips. Veronica Mars?

Veronica, I don't think. Are you talking about Kirsten Bell? It is Kirsten Bell, I think. And her husband has big dick energy, too, because he's what? Like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? Really? I don't think he is. I think he's someone else.

But anyway, yeah. Her husband and her are a total mismatch, too. Oh, come on. He's a famous actor, though. Really? What's he known for? Oh, that's Kirsten Bell. I've seen him so many movies.

This guy's known for Idiocracy, Hit and Run, Without a Paddle, Parenthood, and Chips. So pretty terrible films. Yeah. Idiocracy, actually, I really liked. But yeah. And then they're just a mismatch, too. But he seems to be completely comfortable. Like, yeah, this is what I fuck.

Why wouldn't I? Big dick energy. It's something I've grown to admire in guys now. Like when they just have sort of a Unwarranted self confidence Beautiful I love it Or you just find a girl with Low self esteem and then you continue to tear

That down some guys have that skill That's true Taylor told me that That's also true Asterios have you heard of big dick energy Sorry I was just heard of big dick energy? Sorry I was just taking a big dick dump Yes I've heard of

I've heard of big dick energy I've been told I haven't I've been told I don't have a big dick But I've been told I have the energy of one And I'll take it Yeah big dick energy is awesome Everyone should work on their own Big dick aura

That's just called confidence, right? That's just called going in with confidence You say tomato, I say tomato No, not anymore Confidence is a boring word Big dick energy is hilarious I like the way it pops Kyle, you know what?

You're exhibiting a profound lack of big dick energy right now By not hopping on board with this trend. This is a very flaccid response. It's absolutely a flaccid response. Thank you, Asterios. We need you to harden up. Exactly. Firm up your position on this.

Stand tall, Kyle. I want a turgid, feigny response. Penis. Uncut. Uncut. Uncut. No, I know that you prefer cut. Absolutely. Kyle likes his cocks like he likes his

pussies. Clean of excess skin. Absolutely. I like the entire body with as little excess skin. Absolutely. I like the entire body with as little excess skin as possible. What other areas of the human body could we trim? Scrotums. We need that. That has a purpose. It's hanging on

to our testicles. We could contour it and make it a little sexier. How? I don't know. I was hoping you'd roll with me on this. No, I'm taking this literally right now like maybe you like crop it down make it so instead of your balls hanging like next to each other you just simplify it get them in a line like slim the ball stack one on top of each other i'm thinking of how i design a better penis right instead of a not, like, roll the top and the bottom and get a little hourglass curve in it?

Wouldn't you rather have one big ball, if we're being honest? I think that'd be... Well, you know, you bring up an interesting point. That could... You're kind of putting all your eggs in one basket there. I watched a porno the other day where the guy stuck his balls in the chick's asshole like i've seen that one both balls in her asshole it was great and he like grabs his cock and pulls up to like pull on the balls you know that's their handle and they pop out of her asshole and then he sticks his dick in there it was hilarious

i was like god i think that would hurt to wedge... Maybe I get one ball in, but when I'm trying to wedge the second ball into the asshole... What was happening there is he was plowing her ass prior, and she was politely gaping to allow his balls to dip in, and then she contracted

a bit. Not too tight, though. She's a courteous woman. Thanks for having me! He pulls her testicles out of her taut ass, and then he continues to fuck. Yeah, that's clearly what happened. He didn't sit there and try and mush your balls into

an asshole the way you would waffle-stomp your poop down a drain in the shower. You wouldn't do it that way. I just took that fucking drain lid off just poop straight down that straight down there i save so much on toilet paper you just go straight i uh i'd never used drano before in my whole life but i had a clog from shaving and not wiping up my hairs and just letting that one shave from you's like fucking shearing a goddamn sheep now i have my beard so short right now and yeah it's still so much i was talking about your shoulders oh well

my shoulders yeah those are long lengthy hairs i wouldn't i wouldn't say i'm a serious level but i'm close no one is and drink that stuff is like cool like you can like watch it fill up in the sink and as it's leaking down in there, you can almost see it burning away everything. And that really solidifies why it kills you if you drink it. Yeah, we used to gas rats with that. We'd mix, what was it? Drano with Drano? You don't need much? No, you'd put aluminum foil or something like that and put it down the rat hole, and it would gas them.

You could also make those... YouTube's got a whole thing about describing how to make certain devices, but you know what I'm talking about, right? With the toilet bowl cleaner and that other thing and the bottles. Are you making a pipe bomb to kill rats? No! That's actually our $20 a month Patreon level. If you want mom-making instructions, $20 a month.

level if you want mom making instructions. $20 a month. What are your reward tiers on Patreon, Asterios? Let's start with the funniest one. For $15, I give you a telephone spike consultation.

Because I... Hold on, let me get it. You've got so much shit. In the immediate vicinity. I'm the president of a business called Spite Incorporated. These are our official books. Let me show you our stock.

Where is it? Boop-ba-ba. Yes! We have stock certificates from Spite Incorporated. And so what I do is I teach people to be more spiteful. So, for example, a guy called me up and he was like, my neighbor has a crazy party shed and I'm tired of my neighbor throwing shed parties and I said what are the weaknesses of the shed like if this was the Death Star he goes there's no foundation it's just built into the ground so I said do this buy a bunch of seed bombs which are clumps of dirt with seeds in them and then just roll them under the shed. Buy like oak trees and like maple trees

and roll them under the shed. And eventually Mother Nature will destroy the shed for you. And what are they going to accuse you of? Rolling a couple of seeds? It's not your fault if Mother Nature goes their way. That's the kind of advice you get for just $15 with a pledge to patreon.com slash stereos.

And so you said to throw seed. How does this destroy the shed? Well, trees eventually, the trees grow through because there's no foundation, so it makes everything crooked. Now he's got to spend tens of fifties of

thousand dollars on a cement foundation. Maybe he doesn't have permits for this thing. Now he's got to spend tens of fifties of thousand dollars on a cement foundation. Maybe he doesn't have permits for this thing. Maybe it's not worth it. And he just says, fuck the shed. So it's like a like a 10 year plan until these plants like grow big enough to shatter it. And then you're home free. Yes. But the thing is, they'll never suspect you.

Because who would be crazy enough to roll tree seeds under? That's what you tell, officer. You really think I created seed clumps, rolled them under a cover of night, and would occasionally roll fertilizer bombs under there until 10 years later, trees destroyed its party shed.

That's ridiculous your honor ridiculously effective you get a spite consultation over the phone patreon.com for a 15 spite consultation i need to think of somewhere in my life i need some spite that would that would be helpful. I'd join. I need to think of a situation. Have you given any other good spite advice? I'll tell you some actual good spite advice I gave. So a guy calls me up and he says,

my boss took credit for a program I wrote that saved the company $100,000. He said, my boss just took credit. And I'm like, well, we both agree. You can't just go to your boss's boss and rat out your boss because you're going to look like a narc. You know, like, so here's what I said. Here's what you do.

I said, you throw a meeting with your boss and their bosses and you say, I just need 10 minutes of everybody's time and I have a way to make our company an unlimited revenue stream with existing products we already have. What do you have to lose? It's going to be 10 minutes. They go, okay. I said, now here's your presentation. It's a six-slide presentation.

You say, well, as you all remember, I created this software about a year ago that helped optimize this. I say what we do is we merchandise and license this software to other hospitals, other this, other that, so they can save money with the software I wrote. It's like getting two squeezes out of the same orange. Then your boss's bosses go, wait, you wrote that software? Your boss said he did. And you go, no, I wrote that software? Your boss said he did. And you go, no, I wrote it. Here's the documents. Here's the emails. Here's this and here's that.

Well, I didn't know you were taking credit for my, oh, well, this is embarrassing. You think past the sale, you can never fail. Spide Incorporated. That's great. That's really good advice. I like that one. That's much better than seed bombs under a party shed. They're both good advice.

That happened to be. Do you sound as crazy as you do right now when you're giving this advice to them over the phone? Or do you put on an air of professionalism? Well, look. I'm someone who owns an official corporate seal for Spite Incorporated. Do I sound like a crazy person to you? I have to have biannual meetings and we have to keep minutes. I'm an S-Corp with the IRS.

I'm a registered S-Corp. Where is it? Oh, my favorite thing. Oh, well, I have 200 shares of stock. God knows what's in that binder. I love my binder so much. Yeah, I have to keep minutes and I have bylaws. Oh, it's so great.

I have a thing that says, like, official seal from the New York Secretary of State to the president of Spite Incorporated Stereos Coconuts. It's a hell of a life, boys. Let me do an advertisement on that note, now that we've gotten to that thing that you just did there. Bad breath is gross. It's embarrassing.

And it's a problem that impacts everyone at some point in their lives. Fortunately, it isn't your fault. Smart Mouth Mouthwash knows the real cause of bad breath and how just two rinses a day can solve it for good. But first, what is bad breath? Bad breath is a natural consequence of bacteria living in your mouth, natural

occurring oral bacteria, consume protein in your mouth, and give off sulfur gas as waste. So, when you smell that rotten egg bad breath odor, you're actually smelling sulfur gas. Using alcohol to just kill germs or trying to cover the odor with a minty mask won't solve the problem. To solve a real problem, you need real science. Smart Mouth uses a clinically proven patented two-liquid system. When poured, the clear sulfur-eliminating solution combines with the green zinc ion solution and activates.

The activated zinc ions seek out and bind to bacteria in the mouth, stopping them from being able to consume protein or release sulfur gas for 12 hours per rinse. No sulfur gas means no bad breath. Find SmartMouth in the oral health aisle at your favorite supermarket, pharmacy, grocery store, or online at Amazon. And now for a limited time, go on over to smartmouth.com slash PKA and get a free $3 off coupon for any Smart Mouth rents. That's smartmouth.com slash PKA to save.

smartmouth.com slash PKA. Link down below. Yes. Check them out. We may have terrible opinions, but none of us ever have bad breath. That's right. You could have went with terrible breath in that little thing. You could have worked it. But you don't have good opinion. Dammit! No, you can't!

Now you just go work on your seed balls over there while I tell everyone about movement watches. You guys have heard me talk about movement. You know those two college dropouts that started their own watch company? This company has grown like crazy, and now with almost 2 million watches sold in over 160 countries, they continue

to revolutionize fashion on the belief that style shouldn't break the bank. I don't know if you've checked out the site lately, but they've doubled the number of watch styles and are still expanding. Movement watches are all about looking good and keeping it simple. Movement watches don't tell you how many steps you've taken or blow your wrist up with text messages. It just tells time and it looks good doing it. Movement watches start at just $95. At a department store, you're looking at $400, $500 for something like that. Movement figured out that by selling online,

they were able to cut out that middleman and all the retail markup, providing the best possible price. Classic design, quality construction, and styled minimalism. Get 15% off today with free shipping and free returns by going to MVMT, that's movement.com slash PKA. See why movement keeps growing and check out their expanding selection.

Go to movement.com slash PKA and join the movement. I notice the watches in general are coming back. I feel like that's a thing. I see more people... No, they did leave for a while. Yeah, everyone was like, I feel like

five years ago or so, everyone was like, I'll just look at my phone for time. And now people are back to the watch. I am too. A lot of people are going, never mind. Yeah, I like watches. I've always liked watches. I've got a few watches. The ones that Jeremy didn't steal. I'm almost positive, I like watches. I've always liked watches. I've got a few watches. The ones that Jeremy didn't steal.

I'm almost positive he stole my watches. Bastard! You had some five-digit watches, dude. Did he take those? He didn't get the very expensive watch or the mildly expensive watch, but I'm pretty sure he took a $450

watch. A Luminox. Luminox makes these like military watches um but they're but they're really nice and uh i had like a 500 one it just it doesn't just go missing that's not the sort of thing that i just misplaced and i had i kind of a nice movado that was like 800 that's also missing um but the two nicer watches, those are in a drawer somewhere. But I'm pretty sure whenever I do an inventory of things that you don't touch every day, and I see something's gone, I'm like, I bet Jeremy stole that. Pretty sure Jeremy stole that.

I had some shooting glasses. I don't remember the company, but one of the higher-end companies. And the claim to fame on these shooting glasses certainly wasn't their style because i never wore them because i thought they they looked bad they look like the old school oakleys and that like you look like um pc principal when you fucking wear them so they're just lame and i i always knew they were lame and uh but their thing is they could stop a 22 bullet like someone could shoot you in the eyeball with a fucking 22 and they just fucking bounce off bullets if they're ricochets sure and i always thought and like so

if i was doing something really dangerous i was like protect my peepers here and and throw these bad boys on and uh i remember my cousin was like did you give jeremy some of those glasses that you had those those really cool ones that stopped bullets and i was like no i you give Jeremy some of those glasses that you had? Those really cool ones that stop bullets? And I was like, no, I only had the one pair. They just sent me the one pair and a little money. And he's like, he was at Walmart the other day and he was bragging all about how they stopped

bullets and he was wearing them. And I was like, that motherfucker. He's such a thief. He had a weird way of stealing, though. He'd be like, hey, you know, can I borrow your 1911? Yeah. All right. I'll give it back if you remember you gave it to me. Yeah.

Yeah, you got to remember. You got to remember, and you got to hunt him down. He won't give it up. Like, I won't retell all the stories, but, like, he's gotten, he would borrow stuff from my cousin that was brand new. Like, my cousin just had bought a camping tent. He hasn't, he hadn't been camping yet. It was still perfectly

in that factory packaging that you never get it back into. It was like a six-man tent or something like that. Scott has not gone camping with it yet. Jeremy has rotten teeth and a speech impediment.

Jeremy is one of Kyle's henchmen, Mysterio. He is absolutely one of my henchmen. I'm going to say, this guy sounds like he's more trouble than he's worth. He's beefy, though. Why are you hanging out with a literal thief over here? He carries things well. Kyle's got a very short bench. He's like the Sonny Crew. carries things well he's got a very short bench he's like the sunny crew look this guy is beefy as fuck and he is willing to do some fucked up shit for a dollar all right

i had this guy holding a zombie target one time with with a pound of explosives in it on the end of a stick and not a long stick like like he's just and like in a video there's a part where i'm like yeah we had a good day today i shot you know this and that and i shot four zombies and then i go wait a minute one two three i only shot three zombies and that's jeremy's cue to stick to like he's hiding behind a rock like wiley coyote to like raise a zombie and i'm like aha there it is and i flick and shoot the thing out of his hands and it explodes because there's a pound of explosives in it. He's just holding the thing on a stick about this long, like a three-foot stick or something like that.

You can't pay for that kind of loyalty. This guy's day job, if I recall, was to hold two five-gallon buckets, right? And he worked at a place where there were, like, hundreds of thousands of chickens. So, again, you know, 100,000 chickens, some chickens die. And he would at a place where there were like hundreds of thousands of chickens. So, you get, you know, 100,000 chickens. Some chickens die. And he would just walk through the chickens and grab the dead ones and

load up these, like, buckets. And they're heavy, right? It gets to be like 30 pounds an arm full of dead chickens. All day. All day. He's just doing farmer's walks all day, which is a workout that will make you incredibly strong. Jeremy was very beefy, very strong.

He still is, I guess. He's a hardworking guy, not the smartest knife in the drawer. Get out. But willing to do some shit. You tell him to do something, he'd do it. And a little bit of peer pressure, and he'd go to the next fucking level. If there's something that's really dangerous, and it's like, I don't want to do that, man. We all jump in. Ah, you pussy.

Remember that time that Joe did this and Pete did that and Scott did this? Those are real, man. Next thing you know, he's like, alright, I've got the bomb. Where do you want me to put it? I know we've told this story before, but I loved it.

Jeremy was driving. And for reasons I don't understand, he was very sensitive about his driving. That coupled with the fact that he wasn't very good at it led to a lot of teasing. You know, he was just missing turns. If he misses a turn, like if you missed a block, right, you'd probably go to the next block and figure out how to get back on that street, right? They're all kind of squarish. You get it. He wasn't that guy. He'd go for seven

miles until someone else solved this riddle for him. So we're laughing and giggling at his expense. Now Jeremy would whoop my ass, but it just so happens that my friend Joe, who is a professional fighter in the UFC, is with us so

i'm like you're like pussy passing it here right i'm laughing at him i'm cracking jokes totally fearless because i know shit goes down i got joe here and jeremy knows that joe is there there was never any trouble so jeremy uh we were in the suburbs of Chicago, and it was a little bit more metropolitan than Jeremy was accustomed to driving, and he was having a hard time. And I joined in on the teasing, I suppose, but Woody was quite mean to him.

And you could see, Jeremy started, he's one of these guys that instead of getting mad back at you, he just starts pouting. Starts boiling. No! He starts pouting. He's over there Like like he's just a good boy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly right. Well, I don't walk in. Well, you fucking drive It's like no, you're you're the driver. You're the driver. You're fucking you know, you're on a paid vacation here If I can drive the fucking car

Wait, wait, hey vacation Did you guys hire him as your vacation slave? You think henchmen work for free? That's what he did for me. He was my vacation. Jeremy would travel the country with me and do all kinds of manual labor. In return,

I paid for everything he needed and took him on a crazy fucking adventure. He's in a five-star hotel you know or the next day he's you know like getting to meet some supermodels or the next day he's getting to like drive a race car or something you know or fly in a helicopter and you know hey that's that's what he does but in return is this job available because because i can uh available because because I can uh I can't hear me not yeah well I guess I won't be a human target for your human explosives target practice well that's not gonna do them because that's what I'm looking for I was with the first time that dick came on the show I remember we were talking

about FPS Russia like the the videos on that channel came on the show, I remember we were talking about FPS Russia, like, the videos on that channel, and, like, all the crazy shit and everything, and Dick unironically, like, responded, like, oh, yeah, that guy was crazy or something. And I remember I said, like, you realize that Kyle is FPS Russia,

right? And Dick was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And then, like, later on Twitter, he admitted like i got called out so hard i had no idea that guy kyle was fps russia and i played it off going yeah knowing that what i said previously didn't make any sense oh that was great hilarious you had no idea you were fps russia yeah jeremy was perfect for that that little position that i that i had him in you in. He'd fight, and it could be a boring day sometimes, regardless of what you might see on the screen, and he would always liven that up by being a dumbass, by just being a dumbass.

We're at this place in Houston where we're with the owners of this massive gun store there, and it's sort of this partnership where one guy's the financier and the other guy is the day-to-day management, and both of these guys have taken us out on this incredible adventure where they have this special permission to hunt pigs in neighborhoods of houston with night vision goggles and machine guns at night any means necessary is what the sheriff has written on this form how hard is it to kill these pigs that they need night vision? What are these, super pigs or something? They're rock launchers. You don't get ahead in life setting up fair fights, Asterios.

Touche. So what we do is we drive around. The lights are all cut off in our trucks. We're in two vehicles, and we're quiet, right? We don't want to scare the pigs away. We're trying to sneak up and see, oh, yeah, they're in that field. Let's pull to the side of the road, step off the side of the road, and shoot them really quick and quietly.

So when you close the car doors, you don't slam them, right? You sort of do that thing where you push the car door closed and then give it a little quick shove to clickety-click. Well, the day-to-day management guy who's running this gun store and he's kind of our like go-to guy for supplying us with the machine gun that we're using that day and he's driving us around he's standing there with his hand on his truck jeremy slams the truck door on this guy's four fucking fingers and it doesn't just slam on them it slams and latches all the way oh god and it's in such an awkward angle that he can't get his other hand over to open the door because of where he was

standing when it happened and he's just like until somebody lets him the fuck out and when they and it's dark so i can't tell how bad it is and i'm thinking like i've slammed my hand in a door before it's not that bad chill out guy and i'm thinking, like, I've slammed my hand in a door before. It's not that bad. Chill out. He's a big guy. And I'm thinking this guy's being a pussy. So we, like, we drive down the road to, like, where there's street lamps and stuff. And we all, like, park our trucks beside each other. We're having a conversation through the windows. And he goes, yeah, it's pretty bad.

He holds his hand up. And it looks like something out of a fucking scary movie. It looks like the fucking mascot from Hamburger scary movie it looks like the hand the uh the the fucking mascot from hamburger helper or something like that triple size he's like yeah i think at least one's broken and they're like ah you want to call it a night he's like no no let's let's let's keep going you know he doesn't want to ruin everybody's fun and that's jeremy jeremy would always find a way to step in shit and fuck the night up for everyone let's just just injure people ruin things break equipment you know all kinds of shit we were doing a thing one time where i had bought this 1300 car to blow

up for this video and it was uh to promote a movie and and the deadline was tomorrow okay and they had paid me a very large amount of money, not to buy a house, to make this one video. And so this video's got to get done today. I've got a camera crew I've flown in from Canada. I've got guys I've brought in from Atlanta to do a certain kind of filming. I've got a mechanic on hand in case something goes wrong. I've got a weapons expert that I've brought in in case something goes wrong. Jeremy is hot hotdogging in this $1,300 car I bought. And I'm like, oh, Jeremy, don't do that. Something goes wrong with that car. I'm fucked. That's the third segment of this video. I got nothing else if you fuck this up.

He goes and does it again, like when it's shoot time. And what happened was this car had been sitting for a long time and there was like trash in the gasoline, in the gas tank. That gets swished around when he's doing donuts. It goes in the fuel filter, stops it up. Car's dead. I have an actual mechanic, a man whose job is to be a mechanic. He's a well-paid, some sort of licensed diesel mechanic. He's like, there's nothing I can do.

He's worked on it for half an hour, and I'm like, all right, Jeremy jeremy get your shit out of the car and make him get all the shit out of his car and we blew his fucking car up that day what kind of car did he have which video is this this is uh secret service weaponry uh there was a there was like a school shooting or something when you this when you were Hitman? No, that was Hitman. This was going to be... It was one of those movies. I think it was White House Down. Remember that movie?

It was to promote that. It's the one where Gerard Butler is the Secret Service agent, and the president is taking... They take the White House, the Russians do, or the Koreans or something, and then Gerard Butler single-handedly mission impossible impossible style wipes the whole like squad out in the white house anyway it's to promote that but like there was a school shooting or something like right before we're going to upload so they were like we can't be attached to this now but we'll still

so i just made a video secret service weaponry because that's basically what it was anyway it was like weapons of the Secret Service. So you got to double dip a little bit. Double dipped it. Double dipped it. It was great. I was like, obviously I feel terrible about the tragedy that occurred. Was it Sandy Hook?

Do you remember which school shooting it was? I have no idea. This is America. You get them all mixed up. Who fucking knows? It could have been. I don't know. Listen, Mr. Myers, we just heard about this thing

Columbine, and dude, it does not reflect well. Imagine that, if they just grabbed one from 99, and they're like, we had no idea. That happened several times, where there would be a big project, and we'd put in months of work,

the groundwork was laid money had exchanged hands weapons had been purchased and then there's a shooting somewhere and it's like oh we can't do this now in the current climate we can't do this and and uh but that was an instance where i still got paid so i didn't you know i felt bad about the tragedy but i didn't mind not sticking there video you know i got my shit and i got a cool video of it. But Jeremy lost a fucking car because he was a dumbass. I mean, you got to blow up your friend's car. That's like the greatest reward of all. Fair.

I technically owned the car, but he'd been driving it for six months. And for all intents and purposes, like I was like, yeah, it's your car, you know, whatever. You know, he's paying the insurance on it. It was just an extra car that I happened to own. It was a Nissan Pathfinder that was like seven years old or something like that. It was a fine vehicle. That's not a bad car at all. No, it wasn't a bad car at all.

No. You just had to blow. You know, Asterios, when you win Maddox's bike in that long shoot, you should take a little trip down to Kyle's neck of the woods, and you can do a fun little explosive thing. Oh my. I think you're the person I know with the most

access to guns and explosives. Not anymore. Not anymore. But I could probably point you in the right direction. We could definitely make something happen. Let's start. We'll get the ball rolling. Man, he also

has a throne that i would love he has a throne like a actual physical throne we could use that for target we could have a lot of fun with this guy's stuff i mean i i don't i'm not an attorney i know one cliff hutchinson and he knows that a throne and a bike doesn't even begin to be recompensed for the sort of stress that you've been put under from this. And so I say you can add as many items to that list as you want. He would agree that you're perfectly justified in doing so. I'll talk to your lawyer. Hopefully we get a bankruptcy judge that can value that dumb plastic crown of his at $7. He specializes in video game law,

but he can... Video game law. Street dates. Street dates. That's a specialty. You guys... If we were going to something else, you guys know how they, like, everybody's always trying to change words now?

Like, you need to say different things. Like, 10 years ago, people, like, I think transsexual was the normal one and then transgender became it for a while and now i just see it trans is the way they just say trans like they're always switching words on you you know a good example of one and i'm curious if you guys have examples where the ones they try to push that no matter how hard it never works one a few years ago was person of size oh that's right they tried to make it so that instead of calling you a big fat fuck they would call you a person of size and even the most sjw you know left-leaning people who are all down for that even they seemed like it wouldn't latch on to the person of size thing like that that a good one. I was glad society's not so far gone

that we can still at least tacitly make fun of fats. I believe transgender is when someone identifies or expresses as a gender other than the one they were born as, whereas transsexual is when there's surgical procedure necessary or required to... Oh, I'm sure there's a procedure necessary or required. Oh, I'm sure there's a difference or something. I just mean like 10 years ago, like if you saw someone today who would just be trans,

just trans, like you would say transsexual or transvestite. Tranny used to be okay to say it seemed. Yeah, I guess you can't say that anymore. I don't even know many people who say that. No, not anymore. How often does it come up every day every day it comes up more as like oh check out this tranny on my old cool car than it does like anything else you know you'd think oh wings of redemption news i forgot wait what no but it sounds like a cool video game what's wings of redemption Oh, Wings of Redemption news. I forgot. Wait, what? Oh, are you really with Wings of Redemption? No, but it sounds like a cool video game.

What's Wings of Redemption? Oh, it does sound like a cool video game, doesn't it? See, that's what he should have done forever ago. He should have a mobile app. It's a man. Oh, no. What a terrible news story you guys have lined up now. So this will be hard to make.

You won't see why this is funny because you don't know the guy and know his incredibly long history. I just don't have the time to go into it. I'm sure the audience would hate it if I did. He's a guy that we know. You can read about him there. He's overweight. He rages at video games.

He's kind of a silly person. He says outrageous things, but not because he's trying to be funny, but because he's just a little weird. He has an outrageous worldview. Yeah, he's an odd duck. Well, anyway, he gets trolled a lot.

He looks like his head is Mr. Potato Head's body. He looks like the yellow M&M. Yeah, he does. If you spray-painted his head yellow, yeah, you're absolutely right! Yeah. Alright, so for those who really know the guy, he gets trolled a lot

on his Twitch streams, and there are youtube channels that have sprouted up that upload the clips of him raging at video games and saying outrageous things and getting picked on and stuff and it's kind of shitty what they do to him because they people will join his video game with him and kill him even if they're on his team and even worse than that and this really is shitty i'm not being like tongue-in-cheek, like ho-ho-ho, like it really is shitty that people do this. They will watch his stream, and they will message the people he's playing with, and they will offer them $20 to kill him in the game. What? People are putting out real-life bounties on this guy?

They don't get the money, though. They don't get the money. Fake bounties. And what they'll also do is they'll tell the people to say things that are like triggers for him. Oh, my God. They'll tell the people that he's a pedophile, which is absolutely untrue. And again, not tongue-in-cheek, not a pedophile. That's just silliness. I mean, he plays video games with underage girls, but what grown man doesn't, right?

Yeah, look, it's 2018. Yeah, he's all-inclusive. It would be bigoted not to. Exactly. There you go. Hashtag me too. What grown man doesn't, right? Yeah, look, it's 2018. Yeah, he's all-inclusive. It would be bigoted not to. Exactly. There you go. Hashtag me too. And so hashtag time's up. And so what happened recently, one of the channels is Sean Ranklin.

That's the name of this guy's channel who uploads videos. He's the best at it currently. And so shout-out to Sean Ranklin. It became kind of a meme because everybody's messaging his his teammates in the game to say shout out to sean ranklin because that's wrong and they seem clueless like they don't follow wings they're just playing the game and they'll be like why are people telling me to say shout out sean ranklin and he's like don't say that. And it's a thing. Oh, my God. This poor guy. Well, this week in Denver, Colorado, at the Pepsi Center,

in the front row, holding up a sign that says, shout out to Sean Ranklin. And it's on fucking national television. And so it's just fucking. What is it, WrestleMania or something? I don't know my wrestling. Something like that. I don't know either. Some wrestling thing, yeah.

Fucking holding a shout-out to Sean Ranklin's sign, and he's just wearing sunglasses, and he's just like, rocking the sign, and there's clip after clip of it. It's so ridiculous now. It has been memed into reality, this whole thing. It's absurd now. I haven't seen his reaction to that or if he or if he's going to give one or not but if you go to sean ranklin's channel and watch like the two minute video not us but you know listeners yeah you'll get a real chuckle

out of it because it's like a montage of people saying sean out shout out to sean ranklin uh and and then it's sean ranklin is getting between 50,000 and 150,000 views a video, which is amazing because Wings gets between 5,000 and 10,000 views a video. This guy is 10 times as big as Wings,

it would seem. All he does is upload Wings content. Wings content pulls. Mr. Medeker, I'm not sure if you're familiar with him. Mysterios. Yeah, I... Yup, I know who that is. Did he do a thing on you?

Well, I was on a show with him once, and he pulled up, like, a bunch of pictures of trans people, and he was like, look at these people. They look hilarious. Their mere existence is a joke that should be mocked. of trans people? And he was like, look at these people. They look hilarious. Their mere existence is a joke that should be mocked. And I'm like, what the hell show am I on? Where did this guy get his head?

Was that this one? No, it wasn't this one! What show am I on? I'm like, ah, I put aside my Thursday for this! Well, Medeker, he's been on our show. He's a very funny guy. And he made a video called Wings of Redemption.

Oh, God. Like one of his documentary style videos. And it has over 700,000 views. Yeah. It's like a Wings documentary documentary i think it's probably his biggest video in recent memory but it like wings is a pull he's an interesting dude and kyle phrases it interestingly he's like wings is way bigger than his sub count or his video views would imply you know like he's part of the youtube ecosystem it's just unfortunately He doesn't really benefit from it

He's just There's a community of channels Up there Uploading Wings highlights There's like Medigar getting 700,000 views And there's Wings like Oh thank you for the $1.50 donation

During my livestream Yeah it's his fourth biggest video ever. It's like there's being famous. And then unfortunately. There's being infamous. And it sounds like Wings might be infamous. Correct or incorrect. He definitely is.

Definitely infamous. Oh my goodness. He's an OG on this scene. Everybody knows who he is. Is he going gonna be an overnight success again at some point is he just like could black ops drop suddenly he's like he's not gonna play it what he's not even gonna play it was he like a professional black ops player no he was a no he's a pub stomper are you familiar with that term a pub g guy no no so kyle do you want to go

you look like you yeah all right what's a pub i don't know what a pub stopper is but i want to learn the deal is like seven years ago the hottest thing on youtube it seemed or especially in the gaming community was call of duty commentary you uploaded video of you playing the game you talked over it explained either how you were doing so well or maybe you added some comedy and talked about something completely different wings was one of the very first to do that in the world and it was a very small group of people uh but a very big viewing audience so he he excelled at it he did fairly well at it and then a time came where thousands of people suddenly had all the equipment required to do it as the price of it dropped and the popularity of that scene grew and he slowly

died off and he also had a few public outbursts where he called Woody a faggot and he lost a 1v1 to a really famous guy and then he tried to bribe that guy to

lose to him in the rematch and then that guy was like, ha ha ha, I'm just going to upload screenshots of you trying to bribe that guy to lose to him in the rematch. And then that guy was like, ha, ha, ha, I'm just going to upload screenshots of you trying to bribe me to Twitter. Wow. Stuff like that happened. He's an interesting character. You should watch the Medeker video. He really is a fascinating human being. I've been saying for years that he should have his own reality show, and I mean it.

He's better than most of the reality that exists because— He would dominate TLC. As interesting as he is, his family is equally interesting. His grandma, his brother, his sister, his mother, they're all fascinating characters who are all odd ducks in their own right. I could tell you a whole story on whether it's cocaine abuse or drug dealing grandmas with wallets full of cash or like fighting cocks being raised in the backyard or, you know. These are all true things. This guy sounds. He's amazing.

This guy sounds fucking crazy. Did you see? I mean, yeah. Did you see his live stream, guys, where it was during Hurricane Florence and he showed his grandmother? Yeah. Yeah. Did you see his live stream, guys, where it was during Hurricane Florence and he showed his grandmother? Yeah. Yeah, dude. So she was like sleeping and she was scared and she was going in and out of it. His affection for his grandmother is so wholesome and real that it's heartwarming to me. Their relationship is perfect.

He really cares about her and I like that about him am I the only one who sees it this way I guess so I just when I see when I interact with her I I see a grandson who thinks his grandmother hung the moon and and I think cool yeah I saw him wake her up like a I saw it she was like asleep in a chair and he just walks in the room and puts a fucking camera in her face and she's like, ahhh! She looked like a fucking mummy coming out of it.

I don't think I had a relationship, like a playful relationship with my grandparents like that. It's more common. You don't tickle your grandparents and have playful, fun relationships with them? This guy's tickling his grandma? You guys don't tickle your grandparents and have playful, fun relationships with them? What?

This guy's tickling his grandma? You guys don't pin your grandparents down and tickle them. Oh, I'm the weird one, I guess. It's a Christmas tradition. Hulk and Dirk have eaten up on some grandmother. Like, why you don't do that, grr? Taylor, I am so tired of you doing that. You stop it.

Ah, Merry Christmas. And I don't do like friendly tickling. I do the kind where you keep your fingers rigid so it's a little painful. Yeah. You've got your knees on either bicep so she can't move. Yeah, the whole family gets in on it. You tickle them and you go, ha-ha, you better be ready. Grandpa, you're next. That's when they run. You guys are going to tell me that you don't tickle them and you go, ha ha, you better be ready. Grandpa, you're next.

You guys are going to tell me that you don't tickle each other's grandparents. Mine are all dead. I tickle your dead grandparents. I'd rather they die before I tickle them. So there. Not as much fun then. I'm the strange one, I guess.

I'm trying to picture what it would look like if you genuinely went up and started tickling your grandma or something. What could they possibly do in response? It would be so uncomfortable. I don't know. I'll think about that tonight when I'm trying to go to bed. Yeah, just the rest of the people in the room

socially berating you. Like, Taylor, that's really inappropriate. What are you doing? They'd have to laugh along for a second to try and relieve the uncomfortability. But then you, like, wrestle them to the ground and they complain about, oh, my arthritis. My osteoporosis.

I lost another disc. Oh, Jesus. You were 5'1 when you stood up now you're 4'11 you guys do any fun games with your grandparents? my grandpa when I was like 5 he would do this thing where he'd like he could take it like his toes like his big toe and his second to big toe and like

pinch him together and so he'd act like like he had lost control of his foot like you know that thing they do in the movies like I can't control my hand so he'd act like like he had lost control of his foot like like you know that thing they do in the movies like oh i can't control my hand and he'd like he'd like pinch me with it while we're on the couch like like grab me with it and i'd be like nanny papa's doing something he's coming for me and he's like he's like the toes are coming for you that's about as close to that as i ever got yeah that's the only game we played that was like a Citadel game. My grandpa used to play pranks. Stereos doesn't know.

I'm from St. Louis. My grandparents, though, are from Southern Missouri. Wait, okay. Is Southern Missouri like the land of the pranksterish grandma and grandpa? It is. A lot of no-goodniks down there. It's basically like a way to separate like an urban area. And then just a couple hours down is like real fucking South in Missouri.

You know, our fucking governors and politicians here do that. Like we're retarded. But they'll be like the fine people of Missouri in Kansas City and St. Louis. And they'll be like, now I've been in Missouri my entire life when they're in fucking Cape Girardeau or whatever. But my little pranks with us and and he took my younger brother out once hunting you know they're going squirrel hunting he was teaching my younger brother how to use a gun and my brother's probably

five or so like really young and they're walking around in the woods with the 22 looking uh my grandpa had it not my brother and they're walking around and he goes hey you see that right there you see that squirrel up there look at that failure what's he goes hey you see that right there you see that squirrel up there look at that failure what's he doing what's he doing up there what do you think he's doing and my brother was like i think he's he's looking for nuts and seeds and and he will hide them into you know whatever kids do and while he was looking at him my grandpa had stood up slightly behind him and aimed and blew this chipmunk or squirrel's head clean off like just it exploded and my grandpa did is like as my brother's like

oh that's great he was weeping about it what else did he do he did that again to with a snake but that didn't scare him as much because he wanted the snake dead uh he made me stand out there when i was like six where he's like i'm gonna show you how we skin a coon and i was like that sounds pretty dope i'm seven and so he tied the coon up with its tail around a low hanging branch and then took like his knife and cut around the tail, around the asshole region. And I was like, even as a kid, I'm like, I wonder how do you get the skin off?

Do you have to slowly peel in strips or something? And as I was thinking that, he puts his hands up into the asshole area and just does a... And in one fell swoop, you just hear a sickening... Yeah....tear as all the skin separates and then it's just a totally skinned raccoon with all of its inside out skin hanging over its little raccoon hands and like as a little kid i was like wow like i think that's when i realized i i too could die or i'm like I look probably similar to that thing all I am I'm just someone who hasn't been tied up

by my grandfather and torn asshole inside out yet but the night's still young it was so much fun going to their farm and fucking around because there were like no rules it was like alright I know Taylor you go out there and you play on your four wheeler but you better be wearing a helmet and you don't aim that gun

at anything that BB gun at things while you're riding around and it was like like even as like an eight-year-old i'm like this is an incredible amount of leeway that's the whole rule set wear a helmet and don't shoot while moving i can deal with this while moving and at the same time it's like this farm is enormous i'll just drive over that hill and i can do whatever i want uh we did this game where we used to uh i'm sure k it's like this farm is enormous. I'll just drive over that hill and I can do whatever I want. We did this game where we used to, I'm sure Kyle's done this too. Most people in rural areas have. Where you have like land sledding.

Where you have a four-wheeler or ATV and you have a long rope. And then you have a big piece of plastic. Like farm equipment style plastic. Not like a sled. Like just a big black sheet. And my grandpa puncturedured drilled some holes into it tied uh tied the rope and so you're about 20 feet back from the four-wheeler and you would treat it the same way you would skiing on a jet ski except you had to be sitting down and we would do this in the in the fall mostly but we just wanted to do it in the summer too and we had some friends down

and we didn't consider the amount of bugs there are just hanging out in the grass in Missouri in July and so I I was driving the the ATV we put a friend back there and he was like all ready and excited and the front of it it's not a sled that has a nice you know beautiful ramp that deflects everything it's just it's just a curved U sheet nothing between you and the grass in front of you and so basically I got going like you know 30 40 in this big field which is fucking fast fucking fast and on a sled like that's a car that's what a car does this is this was insanely dangerous i'm i'm i'm shocked no one got hurt more than they did and we and i would drive and like usually you hear like haha like oh like fun things like that and all i heard from from jake my buddy in the back because i wasn't turned around to look that often all i heard was and i looked back and he was like on his lap was so

much grass and on that grass and all around him on his face, bugs. Nothing but bugs that basically scooping out of the ground and flying up into his face. He'd been eating bugs for like five minutes and I didn't stop the ride for like another ten minutes. He was like, stop!

Stop! What? He just kept going. Everybody has hijinks as a kid i think you guys might have more hijinks than most kids just gonna put that out there that's totally normal to pull your friend in a plastic sled in the summer and get bugs all over we used to shoot the cows with paintball guns they didn didn't mind. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I shot them with a potato gun, too. Have you ever been a cow, though?

Like, how can you be sure? They're so tough. It wasn't even like a shoot and they go, hmm? It was like a, they had no idea. Like, if you hit them near the ass, like a little tail would just, the same way a fly. Like, we so underestimate how close those animals are. Cats have evolved not to show pain. When they fall off a

two-story building and walk away, they're in a lot of pain. They just don't squeal and scream and stuff because it's an evolutionary response. How do you know that cows are not feeling a lot of pain? Because I've heard them real bad before. I know what they do.

Trust me, when you hurt one real bad, he screams and mellows and carries on. Cats do. That still falls in line. I believe that they have pain receptors because if they didn't, they wouldn't know they're being injured. We're just suggesting that a paintball isn't enough to trigger that response. You've got to shoot them in the ass with a shotgun to get them motivated. I've shot many a cow in the ass with a shotgun to get them motivated. They respond to that. Just birdshot.

Yeah, just birdshot. Just a shot you would use to kill a bird. Birdshot. It's a 1500 pound Holstein. She can handle a little birdshot. You're going to ruin the leather. It's going to be dog treats

anyway. This is no longer going to look fantastic in the front seat of a you know mid-size elantra some shit exactly yeah i've shot him uh with a potato gun before that's pretty funny get a potato gun that seems like it definitely be big enough to get a cow's attention it is it absolutely is my my cousin would drive the four-wheeler and I'd be on the back shotgun with my potato gun and we'd sort of drive by, shoot him, shoot him in the ass with that. The potato would hit hard enough to explode

when it hit the cow. They're not soft. They're really hard. They're bone and muscle. My father once beat up a man over a potato gun. I think he was about a teenager. Call him 16 16 17 years old and there was a neighborhood bully who would uh you know just exert his dominance in the minor ways not enough to really make you like draw that red line and then he shot my father's dog sport with a potato

oh my god yeah and the dog yelped and stuff. And that was enough. That was where he drew the red line. And apparently he beat the fuck out of this guy. Like a ground and pound situation. And ended the bullying. Go dead. Yeah, I wouldn't shoot a dog with a potato gun. There's a little dog too.

Like, I don't know, 14, 18 pounds. Yeah, you need like a 30-06 or something to really take that thing down. No, you don't. You really need a 30-06 to take it down. If you don't know guns, that's more than enough. You want to be safe. You want to make sure that you bring a tank. You want a red mist situation.

There you go. You want to vaporize that puppy. That's like what would happen when I used to go out and shoot prairie dogs when I lived in Idaho, where if you used a.22, it would make a wet slap when you hit it,

and it would explode a little bit, a teeny bit, mostly just the blood splatter, and then the little other whistle pigs would run out and eat it because they're carnivorous little fucks and a total pest. But if you used just a.223, would vaporize yeah like it would just become a just like a misty cloud of former being yeah it's a great great way to kill an afternoon yeah there's there's really or many prairie dogs yeah there's really good youtube videos of people prairie dog hunting and

it's it's it's nothing but what Taylor just described. It's people shooting them at long range with medium to high-powered rifles. And when they hit them, they just fucking explode. And it's pretty fucking cool. Because prairie dogs dig their burrows and cattle and horses step in them and break their legs. So it's a real problem for ranchers. So, you know, whenever you've got an excuse to kill an animal that's when you know you've you've gotten in good because nobody can really give you any shit they had

that backfire on them in the northwest like 20 years ago when they were like you can't shoot wolves you can't shoot wolves we got to save wolves they reintroduced wolves and were like you can't shoot these things and it turns out wolves are fucking smart and clever. And now they're like, open season on wolves. Huge mistake 20 years ago. Turns out they did not need help repopulating. They've got it figured out. So if you see one, shoot it. And still people will go on huge helicopter trips.

And these wolves are so smart. They'll hear that noise and send signals to each other. And they'll all hide. They're incredibly smart animals. Yeah. Maybe there's a reason we hunted them to extinction before it wasn't these dogs are a bunch of no good nicks you know we we took these dogs turned them into the kind of dogs we like so why do we need these dogs yeah and now i guess i watch this whole thing called coy wolves where like the the wolves are breeding with coyotes and dogs and creating this weird hybrid that they can like live in like urban areas and in the wilderness and it's sort of medium size wolves are enormous people don't realize just how fucking huge a wolf

is like like you put your whole hand in a wolf's mouth they're they're huge but these koi wolves are sort of medium size so they're able to survive on less food but they're also wily and really intelligent so they're stealing garbage. Mostly eating pets. They do a lot of that. They eat cats and dogs a lot and they become a real problem I think in the southwest. Yeah, fuck wolves. Kill them all.

Who cares? There's always some bleeding heart motherfucker that finds like the worst animal in existence and they and they want to like start a foundation and like love these things for they're really not that bad meanwhile they're like you know they're scooping up people's pets and i mean you need i guess they need them in like those wilderness areas to like call out the weak buffalo and stuff but that's why we celebrate St. Patrick's Day. He drove the snakes from Ireland.

That's true. Is that what he did? That's true. Yeah. Yeah. It was a long process, but he got them all out. I just assume he invented green beer or something like that. No?

I hate those green beers. I've never had a green beer. They act like they taste the same. They don't. They taste weird. Everybody's wearing green. We don't need this much food. I don't want to have a

weird shit tomorrow morning and have three minutes of panic before i realized no you drank three liters of green beer yesterday the eating beats effect yes i'm familiar with it oh the worst that i've ever experienced that they for a limited time heinz made colored ketchup oh that's right they're like they're remember they had purple and green and we had the green ketchup and i love ketchup i can't tell you look i love ketchup okay there's always a ketchup bottle there's always ketchup nearby i love fucking ketchup i love french fries might be my favorite favorite food love them i ate a lot of this green ketchup maybe half a bottle when i shat the next day it came out kelly green it came out like like like the the river in boston and on saint patty's day it was i was terrified i couldn't

i was what has happened to me do i have to tell my mom that my shit is coming out green? It was a real fucking nightmare. And then I was like, oh, fucking ketchup. I can never eat that ketchup again. I have a topic. All right. Who is the most attractive person you've ever had to turn down and why? Like for sex?

Yeah, sex relationship. Turn down. That's never happened before. Yeah, sex relationship. Turned down. That's never happened before. Yeah, I can't think of a time that's happened. Really? You guys both don't have a situation where you ever turned down an attractive person? I've never turned down a person. You always find a way around. Forget the attractive part.

I couldn't even name the ugliest person I've turned down, let alone the most attractive. Oh, what a flop of a topic. I had two. Whoa! Wait, I want to hear these stories. I don't know that they're great. When I was, I think it was the first year I was dating Jackie.

And this was like peak Woody. I'm a lifeguard. I work out four or six hours a day or something. And there was this chick. She was hot. She was wicked hot. She was a cheerleader for some Division I football team, LaSalle or Villanova or something. Clearly. And there was this chick. She was hot. She was wicked hot. She was a cheerleader for some Division 1 football team, LaSalle or Villanova or something

like that. And she clearly liked me. Now, I worked as a lifeguard on the beach and she was her house was behind it. I just always saw her because I was her local lifeguard. And she'd hang out and she'd talk to us all the time and then Jackie would wander by and

assert her dominance as a way to break this up. But Jackie's not there all the time. She has a job. She's like pee like a cat. Something like that. Just, you know, make herself known. And there was one time in particular she mentioned that she could do gymnastics and stuff. And she was like in the hard sand it's not a bad environment to

show off these skills it's like hard enough to do it yet soft enough where if you take a knee or something you know it's not asphalt yeah i've had that before so so sure enough she's like flipping and doing front handsprings and like i can't even name all the shit she could do but like i said she was a division one cheerleader and they're just like next to gymnasts in in their sort of thing and uh it might have been that i took some pictures of her doing this that showed up on the camera afterwards and this is still brought up every now and then as that girl who i didn't uh push hard enough. See, I was having this discussion with my girlfriend where it was like, I realized a new thing

about how women argue those kinds of things. It differs from men. It's like, Woody, I guarantee if you have a grievance with Jackie and you have an argument with her, you treat that like a bullet. You're like, this one's going in. Boom. It has been fired

that casing is expended gone that's the end of that women reload their cartridges and so they have like you'll be like i have this legitimate grievance bang and she'll be like oh yeah well i got a whole magazine of 16 things that you pissed me off before with that I reloaded that I brought up before and 16 plus 1, bitch. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And then you're like, ah, I've been overwhelmed. That's why I keep a Google Doc of all grievances in the relationship just so

I can be like, let the record show that on October 1st XYZ happened. And people say that makes me a sociopath. I say, I don't understand. I've started a new arguing technique where whenever she shifts the topic to something else she's mad about, I bring up that she's done a pivot and accept her, like, the fact that she's lost the other topic. You know?

Yeah. So whenever she does that, because that's how she argues. That's how my wife will just be like this. This I'm mad about this. And I'll present my case. And she's like, well, this over here. I'm like, aha. So we've come to agree that on point A, you're wrong.

Now we're talking about this. She's not a fan of this, but I enjoy it. I couldn't encourage that more. I think it's fantastic. And I think more men need to adopt it. Bill Burr has this thing where he's like, I figured out how she argues, and we're turning this franchise around. That's exactly what I do now.

I'm undefeated. Not undefeated. I'll win seven or eight in a time as she pivots from one to the next. Like, all right. Now you're like the Bills. You know, turning it around. Or the Browns, whoever the fuck's doing fine this year. I don't watch football.

I have one more ad. And while I'm doing that, think about this, gentlemen. Objects around the house that in a pinch, perhaps when you were a younger man, or maybe last week, you never know with this girl, that you fucked. Objects around the house that you fucked. Maybe you stuck your dick in the couch cushions Maybe you fucked between the mattress in the box spring with a little uh, you know

Let you to maybe take a sponge you get a little plastic bag a little lubricant in there put it fold it in half Stick it between the box spring and the mattress and you fucked it just off the top my head guessing the show is serious this isn't as you're doing i just want to make sure yes okay no i just want to make sure i'm listening we're advertising ziploc bags are you lonely do you have ziploc do you have a microwave and a sponge use coupon code pka to fuck lonely in your home use the couch use box strings and a mattress yeah so be thinking about that while i tell tell everyone here about the uh netgear nighthawk router this episode is sponsored by nighthawk pro gaming from netgear rated 2018's top performing gaming router by pc gamer and ign there's no question that online gaming demands a stable and low latency connection. Running multiple connected

devices will cause network congestion that most gateways simply can't handle. Switching your existing gateway or router to an XR500 gaming router is the easiest way to improve your online connectivity and online gaming experience with the biggest impact. The XR500 router creates an express

lane just for your gaming to give you incredible speed and no lag. It's purpose-built to lower your ping, stabilize your connection, and help you game at incredible speeds. With the high-performance gaming router, you're in complete control of your gaming experience. You can keep your game alive with features like geo-filtering, traffic prioritization, and device management. geo-filtering, traffic prioritization, and device management. The Nighthawk Pro Gaming Router transforms your gaming experience

and gives you the power to win. So don't compete with other online devices for bandwidth. Save the competition for the game. Visit netgear.com slash NPG and learn how you can join the no-lag crew today. Yeah, you need your gaming packets prioritized over your jackass family's Netflix packets.

Absolutely. You don't be losing gunfights because your little sister's downloading. I was going to say porn. That sounds bad, but yeah, anyway. But if you don't say she is a sexist, so you can't win either way.

Strong point. Your little sister and her porn habit is really hurting your kd get yourself nick here.com slash npg absolutely all right so what what object did you fuck taylor uh well i was a little peeved that you blew mine right away couch cushions yes that's mine too oh man yeah where you uh couch cushions and Yes, that's mine too! Oh man. Yeah, where you fuck between couch cushions. And even as... You know how many times I did it? Once.

Me too. You know why? Because you do it once, and you're like, this is awful. Like, this is way worse than just jacking off. And so then you don't do it anymore. Like, I think that's a realization you come to when you try and fuck house i mean i've never done the sponge microwave uh uh baggy thing you're talking about but that's why i keep all the rubber gloves in the house rubber gloves that's

probably another good way to do it but like i think that everybody who tries these kinds of things realizes like this is way worse than just jacking off and so that's why it's not widespread maybe you uh maybe you think differently what did you fuck well if you've got a bit of wet platinum realizes like this is way worse than just jacking off and so that's why it's not widespread maybe you uh you maybe think differently what did you fuck well if you've got a bit of wet platinum not a sponsor tonight but a personal favorite of mine then you really don't need any sort of a device wet platinum it's the finest silicone based premium lubricant on the market again i swear to fuck you better sponsor us it's a fucking crime that you people don't pay us to pimp your shit. For years, I've been selling your lube to the masses.

You lubed my hardwood floor and danced on it. This is the lube of kings right here. Wet platinum, now with a red top. Check it out. And this is not an ad. No, it's not. Don't buy that flavored wet platinum shit. It's a yeast infection. It should be a crime. Don't buy that flavored wet platinum shit. No. It's a yeast infection.

It should be a crime to make it. Wet platinum, you're fucking up. I just want to... I'm so sorry. I just want to make sure. So, you talked about what you jerk off to for an ad for routers. But your ad for jerk off juice is not an ad for anything I just want to make okay

I get paid a dime and it's a fucking crime well that's how I gotta get some of this stuff please reach out to wet platinum it's quite expensive and I can say that because they're not a sponsor it's very expensive it goes a long way and by the way it doesn't come off

this bottle is like $11 or $12. It's a little bottle. I've got a $70 bottle in the other room with a pump on top. A little dab will do you. A little dab will do you. If you have that shit all over your dick, if you fuck at night,

you go to bed without washing off, you got wet platinum all over your cock, you get in the uh in the shower the next day you might fucking slip and kill yourself because the second because the second that water hits your dick it's had 12 hours or whatever to to to you know soak in or dissipate or whatever no it immediately becomes an oil slick and you will honestly step back and like do like a grab the side thing like you you might hurt yourself so always dab the dick after to get most of that off i have practically the opposite experience right like

you did you did fuck and then immediately shower that would that would be more normal for me and uh and it's like holy shit this thing's good for like 16 hours or 3 000 miles it doesn't just wash right off i i've cleaned my whole body i've soaked my junk three times and I believe I could fuck her right now and still be lubed up You better know the trick is you know, you actually do it be maybe any zone or something you You use dawn they use dawn to get oil Sink like like dish soap. Yes like in the oh yeah Your skin's gotta be so dry and flaky. I'm just saying.

I just know how well. Like when I have greasy hands from working on cars or something, Dawn cuts it. It's like a superpower because it cuts grease. That's what Dawn is about. So I just imagine that it works on wet platinum. That's why I brought it up. This is not brought to you by Dawn.

I brought it up. This is not brought to you by Dawn. You're talking about the amazing lube destroying power of Dawn's soap and this lube. Just talk about the router. Oh, the router's done. We're past the router.

Yeah, yeah. Bring it back to the router. I'm saying Why aren't they talking about me Like they're talking about this lube But indirectly we are Do you use routers To access internet

To jack off with lube Well then this is Exactly Oh man So Oh we didn't go to the round table Here's my Yeah yeah yeah

Here's my couch fucking experience So I've often joked about What a late bloomer i was and that's true it really is true and there's other evidence like how long it took for leg hair underarm hair like muscles to come in so i really was a late bloomer but i have sometimes wondered if i had the ability to come a good nine or twelve months before i knew it right because um I didn't know how to jerk off I did like the Pornhub wasn't a thing back in like the 90s so or maybe even late 80s so I don't know what I'm doing I have penthouse letters and and I read a penthouse letter story of like it was somehow

like a wrist brushed against a penis, and the signals were electric. So I was like, aha, I guess that's how you jerk off. So I'm like trying, experimenting on my own, not knowing how to jerk off. Because like I said, the media just was not as prevalent back then as it is now. Well, I don't know. We had this cable box that decoded everything. We could get what they called the Spice Channel, I think, and Skinamax and things like that.

So I'm home alone watching this stuff. And yeah, sure enough, there's no one else around. They've all gone to bed. I think I slept in the living room by myself for most of my teenage years. And I don't know. One thing leads to another and I do a little couch humping as you do. And

that was my first ejaculation. And like I said, it could be that I missed six prime months of ejaculation and didn't know. Or nine or twelve. Wait, real quick. The way you set it up, I want to know, was there like a thing to catch the semen, or was it just, you just

blew a wad right into the middle of the cat? There was some cleanup afterwards, Taylor. You're being a little judgy in this whole scenario. Well, no, but I'm asking because that was your first blow, and so you must have had that like, oh, this is an unforeseen hurdle. It wasn't completely unforeseen.

I mean, like, i had magazines i i knew that coming was a thing but i didn't know coming was my thing right i thought i just was not lucky like that so um and by the way like i'm you know you know the myth of the male orgasm yeah yeah you know you know how you know it's coming so i could have stopped but this to me was like a once in a lifetime opportunity i don't know that this is going to happen again. This is the first time it's ever happened. Why would I think that this was a repeatable feat? I don't know how to make this go.

So what's working? We stick with it. We go. We finish. We don't give up. We're completion people. So that's how it went. I like to imagine the reason you were sleeping in the living room

was that when I moved out of my parents' house, they turned my bedroom into, like, an art room, right, so my mom could paint. I like to imagine that your mom just did that to your room when you were, like, 14. What if you were turning your room into a study? I'm 11. What are you going to study? What are you going to study? Beating techniques? Little Krav Maga with your goddamn high-heeled stilettos?

It's an inside joke, Kostirios. Woody was abused as a child. Now that's why it's so funny! Okay, I was wondering. He was beaten with shoes. Yeah, that's why we make that joke. Not just shoes. Don't underestimate him.

That's totally fair. And just to be clear, the abuse wasn't solely physical. There was some extreme mental terror inflicted upon him as a child. He would lose control of his bowels occasionally. You know, I'm glad that you made that statement because I usually assume that physical abuse comes with no mental abuse component whatsoever. I wouldn't imagine they'd be linked, so thank you.

God, you make me so proud! I understand your frustration in not doing as well in school, and I support you every step of the way. That's the way I want to beat my children. Taylor, I mean, you look like you're born to beat children. I think you do it well. I think those kids could be hospitalized if you put your heart into it.

You know, I appreciate that. Thank you. You guys both fucked the couch. It's quite boring so we had one of those paraffin hand waxer things you ever seen one of those oh but you heat it up right and then you soak your hand in the wax becomes liquid and then you put your hands in and when you pull them out you've got like this it hardens on your hands and you've got like this glove on your hands and i had this idea stick my dick in there and i'll have like a a masturbatory toy that's custom made for my dick right how old are you at the time just fucking 13 my wax thing was really hot really hot way too hot

i'm home alone i crank this bad boy up you get the wax nice and liquid and i'm like oh what position do i need you know it's on the counter in the kitchen like like like i'm not gonna american pie this bad boy i'm not getting up on the counter so i i sit the thing on the floor and i sort of get in a push-up position with a hard-on and i lower myself into it and you know how like when you grab something hot it takes a moment before you feel it. You know, like, I was about three quarters of the way in before I realized I'd made a serious error. Oh my God. Were your balls at all in there?

Balls did not go. I think I was in one of those, you know, the balls are an interesting organ. You know, sometimes they're hanging low, and sometimes they suck right up. Thanks, I didn't know that. Truly nature's mystery, the balls. What secrets do the balls hold? All right. Now, I'll tell you this. My balls were smarter than my brain at this point because they knew.

They need to hide from this hot molten wax that you slowly lower into, like something from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. All right? Remember when they're lowering them into the lava? That's what's happening to my cock right now. I shriek, course as soon as i start feeling that there's like 140 degree wax all over my cock and i like roll off the thing on my back and i start trying to like you know pull the wax off my burnt cock but but it was it

was it was painful for like a week afterwards and i learned my lesson i definitely learned my lesson from that but i also uh one time i was um having a video chat with a young lady and she was doing some things for me and uh and and she was i was like what would you like to see me do and she's like i don't see you fuck something and i was like how old are like, this time, 37, 39. Oh, this was earlier today, actually 25.

And, uh, and so I'm like, well, all right, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll,

we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll,

we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll,

fuck. She's like, what do you got? I had a pumpkin. I'm like, well, I, uh,

I have a pumpkin here. She's like, yeah. Did you put like an, an emoji afterward an emoji afterward like like i've got a pumpkin here winky face i swear to god i put a sad face on that pumpkin because i thought it was funny and uh and so like i point this frowny face at the camera and i and i cut a hole in the back and so I'm fucking the pumpkin and he's looking it's a it's a man pumpkin this was gay pumpkin sex and he's looking super upset about it um wasn't that bad I'm gonna say I would have guessed the crust of a pumpkin the shell I don't

know what to call it not good for fucking fine okay i would say um well the outer part make the whole big enough right so that's not part of the deal certainly did well well you know i'm rubbing around the edges right you know i'm making sure that you know that maybe the top of the penis is definitely getting some getting some friction but there's a lot of pulp on the inside of the pumpkin you know you've dug out a pumpkin maybe before to make a jack-o'-lantern. So I made sure to hit the pumpkin nice and low and sort of an upward position so I hit the pumpkin's G-spot. I was hoping he would enjoy some of this,

but he kept frowning. So I'm fucking the pulp now, and the pulp felt pretty good. I didn't finish inside the pumpkin because, you know, I... I've got some standards when it comes to pumpkin fucking. I'll fuck the pumpkin's mouth, but I'm a classy boy who will finish on the outside of the pumpkin.

That's right. I'm not going to give this pumpkin a cream pie. I mean, we're making pie out of this thing tomorrow. Two, three years into our marriage, my wife and I bought these VHSs tapes on like how to be better lovers and there was a tape for him and a tape for her and we watched our respective tapes and one of hers was like your man might like this buy a tomato cut out the middle microwave it and you can jerk him off with it and she shows it to me and she's like huh and i'm like so we haven't done that but there is nothing messier than getting beaten off with a tomato like what how could that possibly be pleasurable you're

just thinking about all the laundry you're gonna have to do and the fucking steam cleaner you're gonna have to buy like no you shouldn't do that but kyle i want to know when you when you when you saw the pumpkin after you'd closed the chat, after the night was over, after you had finished wherever you did, and you saw that pumpkin that you fucked, what went through your head? I hope it doesn't go bad before

tomorrow night. Did you actually eat that pumpkin? No! I threw the fucking pumpkin away! What am I, a madman? Do you even eat pumpkins? I guess pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie? Yeah.

You know what? Pumpkin must suck serious cock as far as food is concerned because it's enormous. And what do people eat? Just pumpkin pie. What else do they eat? Pumpkin seeds, I guess. But that's a giant vegetable. I want to say Starbucks has a pumpkin spice latte.

I don't know if any pumpkins are killed in the making of it, but it's a thing. That's just a lot of sugar and artificial sweetener. I doubt there's much actual pumpkin. The pumpkin is the dumbest crop. If I were a dictator, I'd ban it. Frankly, I love pumpkin pie. Every time I have pumpkin pie, I just get a raging heart on. I have to finish right there.

Grandma, do you mind? Could you draw a man's frowny face on my pumpkin pie it's the only way i can enjoy i need him i don't want him to enjoy it no oh i wanted to ask ask you about uh the wax removal too because you went past that so like i've done that with my foot before where you like but i also did uh i uh my mom had one of those, like, foot wax things and, like, hand wax things that we would do. And I remember I took a bunch of my younger brother's toys and dipped them all in the wax. And nothing ruins an action figure like being dipped in wax, because you just, you can't peel it all off. It's always there. Or a penis.

Or a penis. I'd like to point out, or a penis or a penis or both don't do either don't dip anything other than your hands and feet in wax solid point mysterious yes what uh what how did you peel the wax off did it come off in like a sleeve the way it does on the glove or were you like tearing strips off your cock now see for it to harden to that point i would it takes a while like you dip in there and then you like let whatever you've dipped in sit for like a good couple minutes because it's got to cool down and solidify. So when I started tearing the wax off, it was still like a weird like liquid.

It was still like a molten condition when I was just trying to get it off. So you know I didn't have any, it wasn't that difficult or anything like that. But my cock was so soft and supple and hydrated. I bet it was. Yeah. Did you kind of enjoy that part of it where you're like, man, this is the softest cock? No, my cock was like red and I couldn't touch it for like three days. It was awful.

It burnt the shit out of my cock. It was terrible. It was an awful experience what he told the story of the first time he ever came i think i remember the first time something ever came out and i don't remember how old i was maybe like 11 and i remember going like having it happen being like oh guess i peed a little at the end there and got up, went to the bathroom, saw clearly not pee.

And I remember, I remember thinking like, should I go bring my parents attention to this or something? Like, should I like let somebody know that this happened? Like, is this bad? And I, I don't know what it was.

Cause I was always like a anxious little kid, like always wanting to like be sure of things. And I was like, no, you know what? Let because I was always like an anxious little kid, like always wanting to be sure of things. And I was like, no, you know what? Let's sit on this one for a while. You know, I don't want to walk in there and go, mom, dad, I was tugging on my cock. And this came out. They're like, you're 11. But yeah.

No, when I first figured out masturbation I really enjoyed it and I did it a lot And I remember one day I believe the number was six Maybe seven times On the last time A little blood came out Instead of cum Blood came out

No Yeah And I was like Seven is too many. How many times will you jack off today? One, two, three, four, Jesus Christ, maybe five! Blood will come out soon, child! Ah, Jesus Christ. Maybe five. Oh, blood will come out soon, child. Seven.

That's a really... Do you think? That's not big to me. I've had sex ten times in a day. Yeah. Ten times in a day? It wasn't a day. It was 24 hours, which is, you know... That's still a lot.

To completion? Yeah. Ten times? That's insane. It only took completion? Yeah. Ten times? That's insane. It only took 30 minutes, though. Early on, less than that. One of the reasons you go for two is the first one was only three minutes long.

Ten times? Got at least 30, 40 pumps in there. You came ten times. She came once. It works out. It works out. I don't know how many times she came, but probably less than ten. I bet women's orgasms are just

noticing how they are when they come. It seems like it's so much better than ours. You can look at the orgasm and be like, God, their orgasm seems so intense and good, and it lasts for a while. And then you have your little shitty male orgasm, and you're like, this isn't fair.

I think you might be right. Also, I like that their orgasm doesn't make a ton of mess, right? It can. It can, but there are girls who can just Wiggle in their seats in biology class And bring themselves to orgasm And there are no guys who do that If they had their clitoral hood removed

As God intended When Sarah made her pact With the Lord And Abraham was there Okay She agreed to remove the clitoral hood from all her daughters there forward

as part of her Leviticus 1821 remove the clit hood for it is gross thank you that being out of the pod god damn it let's get some work done and and so the biology class

will be that much better. Yeah, for sure. We'll be hard pressed to find another pro-female circumcision podcast to promote your Patreon. No, this is the hottest take I've heard so far on it.

Well, see, the difference is what you hear about female genital mutilation is when they remove the clitoris. They scrape it right off. And we are not for that. Because that's all about asserting dominance over the woman so that she, honestly, it's so that she's less likely to stray from her husband. Because now it's much more difficult for her to achieve an orgasm unless it's a penetration orgasm. She can no longer achieve a clitoral orgasm

because she doesn't have one. And of course, that is the easier orgasm for a woman to achieve. He's checking out on this one. He'll be back. He just probably got disconnected or something. But the removal of the clitoral hood is the complete opposite

of a female genital mutilation. It's to improve the lady's ability to achieve an orgasm. Yeah. See, but, like, they want that hood there so that their clit isn't always being stimulated by, like, you know, sitting down. Oh, yeah, because is your cock always being stimulated, like, just from your pants? No, no. You become an adult and your cock is just fine in there. You're not constantly getting, like, hard-ons anymore, I'm sure, or coming in your pants no no you you become an adult and your cock is just fine in there you're not constantly

getting like hard-ons anymore i'm sure or coming in your pants probably and and so it's fine the same would be true well all of us blow a wad in our pants from time to time you know there are those creepy guys that i guess are you a club sorry they go to the strip club in like sweat pants with no underwear so that the chick is getting actual friction on their cock, and they blow in their pants. And that's their whole fucking goal when they go in there. I've always thought that's pretty fucking creepy, right? I don't know if creepy is the right word. No, you're right.

You're right. It's creepy. I remember Jim Norton speaking about this on ONA, like old ONA episodes. And I don't remember who it was, but he was talking about this dude he used to go to strip clubs with. And he's like, and this guy would wear sweatpants that were 20 years old because they were super thin, worn down. Yeah, threadbare. And under that, he would wear like silk underwear. And he would coat his penis and balls in lubricant

prior to going. And so with that combined with the silk underwear and the thin sweatpants, he would get lap dances, and he would come in his pants just from the rubbing.

That's all it would be. And so I think that falls pretty squarely in the creepy category. Yeah, it's pretty rough. His phone died. He'll be back in a moment. Yeah, that's pretty. Again, I don't know if creepy is necessarily the word. It's kind of desperate for sure.

But it's also like I don't think those chicks are down for that. I guess some of them are if you pay them enough. I don't know. Can you hear for that. I guess some of them are. I mean, like, I don't know. Can you hear us, the Sirius? Yeah, sorry. My phone just died. I switched to my computer. Can you guys see me? Oh, there we are.

Oh! Oh, yeah. Almost saw your pumpkin. There's a very unhappy face on my pumpkin. Oh. Making you horny. We're having a debate on creepiness. Is it creepy if you go to a strip club in threadbare, very thin pajama pants,

sweatpants kind of thing, and you wear silk boxers under that, and you coat your cock and balls in lube prior, and then you have the woman lap dance on you, and then you blow in your pants. Is that creepy, or is it industrious? Here's what I think. I've heard strippers talk about, like, when they see a guy coming in

in like thin gym shorts they're just like oh god here we go like they know like they get but at the same time it's kind of like well you're in a strip club so are you really that worried about how you're coming off to the world like

if like you know you're kind of in you're in like the headquarters for degeneracy So you might as well go all the way Fair enough I like that perspective I think it's creepy but I also Give them quite a bit of industrious points Like you know They're getting a lot of bang for their buck

Yeah I want to know what the girls think Like if a guy comes in in thin pants It doesn't seem like They should be judging, right? He's still wearing much more than they are. Why are they on their high horse? He's not paid to dance around. I totally agree that a stripper taking a high-horsed moral stance is silly.

But I don't think it's necessarily a moral stance to be like, hey, you know what? I don't care for it when guys wear thin pants and come near my well are guys blowing loads from dancers yes that's what we're talking about that was that was the thing well that was your thing i get it but i mean in reality is this a thing that guys commonly do i never blew a load because of a dancer like well that's because you didn't go in there because i wasn't it's a well no it's a lap dance is what I'm saying. So she's like grinding her ass on his genital region. And usually if he's wearing jeans or something, you wouldn't get stimulation on your dick from that.

But he intentionally wears threadbare sweatpants. I followed the scenario. I had advanced it to, are guys doing anything like this? Do guys who show up in dockers actually blow loads? Not that I know of, right? Well, I don't know. You wouldn't want an oyster running down your leg if show up in dockers actually blow loads? Not that I know of, right? Well, I don't know. You wouldn't want an oyster running down your leg if you're wearing dockers. That'll show up. Yeah, they don't do it in dockers.

Specifically, they wear sweatpants with no underwear. And yeah, the idea is that they're going to get off from the lap dance. Lots of guys do this. I didn't know that. I always thought the strip club was just about the tees. No, almost every Lots of guys do this. I didn't know that. I always thought the strip club was just about the tees. No.

Almost every strip club I've ever gone to that I was propositioned to pay for sex or just to fuck one or the other. Scotty always had better luck than I did with the strippers. When we went to... We were in Louisville that time, and I had been paying this bitch all night long.

And I was like, hey, you want to come back with me and Scotty to the hotel? Not that we were going to share her, because Scotty had already locked down his stripper. He'd already fucked his stripper the night before, and I was like, I'm going to get one too. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just fucking making it rain over there. I'm like, I'm going to get one too. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm just fucking making it rain over there. I'm like $300 in.

And she didn't show up. She didn't fucking show up to the hotel. Scotty's over there in the adjoining room banging the shit out of like an 8 out of 10. Like a super hot stripper. Just the best looking stripper in the place. Was your stripper as hot? I guess not. No.

No, she wasn't. I would have thought that would increase your odds. I was just thinking about this before your story went on. Like, you know what? Hottest stripper in the place, maybe not the one you target, right? Maybe she's a little harder to score. I strategically picked one that I thought would be down, that I thought that I could get back to.

Was there a lot of strategy in deciphering which stripper you think is down to play? It's hard to figure out which one's slutty at the strip club. Look, you gotta think about it this way. This is the kind of woman that would never dance with no clothes for money. I don't know if you've ever... She's classy. I don't know if you've ever played the slot machines in Vegas or anything like that, but

the more you play one, the more likely it is to pay off. It's not random every time, like rolling dice. They have an algorithm, so it is to pay off. It's not random every time like rolling dice. They have an algorithm, so they're going to pay off at a certain point. They're going to. So what some people will do is they'll watch somebody play the machine and load it up, and they'll predatorily jump on it when that person leaves. So they let the other person be the sucker.

I had to pick a stripper at the beginning of the night to start pulling the slot of the night to start pulling the slot on all night right i couldn't be spreading my quarters all over the place that's that's madness you got to pick one and i i made my i i chose poorly like fucking indiana jones again this time uh in the what was the ark of the covenantvenant. Yeah. No, it was the... Raiders of the Lost Ark. Raiders of the Lost Ark. I chose poorly. And fucking my cock withered away to like a skeleton like that Nazi's head did.

It was a real fucking error. I definitely was like $300 in. She didn't get all my money. I had like... I had a lot of money on me at the time. But it was $300 of wasted fucking money on this chick. But she had an awesome... All strippers have a signature move I've found.

The good ones, anyway. Hers was the Hep C twist. Yes, that was it. No, she would go way up the pole. She'd climb up the pole, and then she'd drop. She would just fucking free fall down and her ass she had a huge ass white white chick would slam onto the fucking like plexiglass so hard it looked like she should be hurt but it would it would just it would pop it would like make a plop noise every time she'd

do it and then she'd start like twerking her ass like on the thing and it's like plop plop plop plop plop plop plop and i'm just like doling out the ones over there just fucking going to town i i paid the 40 for the double private dance got four songs they play the really short songs in there by the way you never 30 for the atm fee once have i gone back gone back to get a lap dance and she's like, yeah, you have $20 for two songs. And then you get back to hear, bye-bye, Miss American Pie. No, no.

They're not playing ballads. It's some two-minute song. Yeah, they've never been like, all right. It's like, this sounds like two minutes long. It's never been like, in a gata da vida. It's like this sounds like two minutes long It's never been like In a gata devita It's like alright I got 25 minutes

To do this They know their game They know what's up Weird how 90 second songs I've only been to one strip club in my entire life Ever only once And it

Meh I haven't been to many jackie doesn't like it i stopped i haven't been to one in probably 20 years i've been to uh i haven't been to a ton i i honestly don't like them but sometimes i've been in a lot of like i don't know situations like meeting people in foreign cities and stuff and they'll take you out of the town and so um i guess maybe it was tamp or Cocoa Beach or something. I went to like three in one night. And the guy I was with knew like he frequented these places and frequently dropped like thousands of dollars.

So they were like giving us the VIP treatment. And I was getting like, they were getting naked. I was getting a touch pussy. And they were showing me pussy. And they're not supposed to do any of that. Like just talk. You can go in the back room. You can do whatever you want.

And definitely in L.A., like, last time I was – not last time, but maybe it was Cod XP. Like, I was at the strip club with a porn star, and she and I were, like, getting private dances from these girls, and the one girl was like, you know, I could come back to your hotel with you two. And I looked at the porn star, and I was like, what do you think? And she's like, I think she's probably got herpes.

Oh! And I'm thinking, like, jokes on you. The porn star's big time in the stripper? That's not nice. And I'm thinking to myself, like, jokes on you, bitch, so do I. I don't have herpes. And so, like, I'm thinking to myself, like, joke's on you, bitch, so do I. I don't have herpes. And so, like, I'm thinking to myself, like, I think the stripper's hotter than the porn star.

Maybe I can work something out where I fuck the porn star, and then the stripper shows up after I get rid of the porn star, and I just fuck them both tonight. And so, like, in earnest, I start negotiating with the stripper shows up after i get rid of the porn star and i just fuck them both tonight and so i'm like and so like in earnest i start negotiating with the stripper i'm like well how much would something like that cost you know and she's like ah like four hundred dollars for half an hour and i'm like half an hour would probably do it um is there an atm over here not Not with her. I mean, I'm already going to have to... Three times and half. It doesn't work. I'm judging you harshly, but not for that.

So go ahead. It didn't work out. I didn't pay her for any sex or anything like that. I just went back with the young lady that I had already acquired. Thank God you didn't, because I didn't know this until I looked it up just now. That's illegal. Oh. They call it prostitution.

Well, I wasn't going to be paying her for the sex. The sex was on the house. I would only be paying her for a bit of nude modeling that I was interested in. I was going to take some nude photographs of her. Can you do this? Can you look a little despondent over into the corner there? Alright, now try that with my cock in your mouth.

I'm going to try a little. Oh, you already are? Excellent. This is called salty face. Oh, man. It's funny because women are objects. Yes, yes, of course. They shouldn't be able to vote. No.

Well, I'm glad we all agree on that. Three-fifths of a vote, maybe. I'll meet them halfway, roughly. Yeah. Well, I call a comp. Yeah, those uh those strip clubs like i'd like there's one here that my girlfriend now is like oh it'd be fun like let's go to this strip club and like it's not just strip club it's like a nightclub kind of thing it's called pops and it's in east st louis which is the most dangerous place in the country by far. It's a couple miles from here. And

they got grandfathered in. So they are a 24-hour, seven days a week strip and night club. You can go there at 5 a.m. on a Sunday. And there will be people drinking and looking at strippers there. You can go there any time

at all. People got shot outside there, I think, two weekends ago. And so that's why I'm not too set on going to Pops. Did they close, though? Or did they stay open? Oh, no. There are shootings there all the time. In that area, at least. Oh, shit.

Insane Clown Posse is going to be there. And Waka Flocka Flame on October 12th. Dude. Hey, come to STL. Come to STL. We'll hop over to Pops. It'll be an interesting time at the very least. I think if you did a PKA meetup at a strip club

when Insane Clown Posse's playing, it would be pretty legendary. I don't like those... What are they called? Juggalos? Juggalos. I can't tell if they're doing it ironically. See, I don't know anything they do.

I just can't tell if they're doing it ironically or not. These strong-ass gangster clowns aren't my favorite. You know what, Asterios? What I do here is I make hard, risky stances like that. I don't care for these Faced painted degenerates Who I don't even know what they do I just I can't tell if they're doing it ironically Or unironically

I think they see themselves as tough Like people who you would not want to fight with Oh well then that's silly Because they look ridiculous And they drink Faygo don't they They do enjoy Detroit's own Faygo soda Yes The official soda of the jungle That's a genuine it's just a soda and they drink Faygo, don't they? They do enjoy Detroit's own Faygo soda. Yes.

The official soda of the Juggalo. That's a genuine, it's just a soda? It's just a regionally popular soda that they've adopted. Yeah, it tastes fine. But they've adopted it as like, this is the Juggalo soda. Yeah. And they're probably making lean out of it

or something like that anyway. I remember there was a, about being tough guys they were on the fucking stern show one day and uh some guy called in and starts arguing with like i don't know one of them's called like violent jay his name's literally violent jay he starts arguing with violent jay he's like he's like fuck you dude i'll come whip your ass right now. Violent J's like, bring it on, man. I'll fucking fight you. Let's go. And he's like, he calls back a few minutes later.

He's like, I'm in the lobby. Come down. Come down. And Howard's like, hey, Violent J, he's calling you out, man. He's down in the lobby. What do you think? He's like, man, I'm an entertainer. I don't need all that, man. He's just totally just totally look can't blame him for not wanting to go downstairs

and fight a random person off the street i suppose but don't call yourself fucking not random here's why he's self-selected right a random person off the street could include a little old lady or a kid or whatever this This is a self-selected badass. Probably. Likes to fight guy. Yeah, likes to fight guy. Carry on. But at the same time, his name isn't Passive Jay.

He's not Let's Talk This Out Jay. He's Violent Jay. And so, yeah, if there's one dude that you should feel comfortable challenging to a fight, it's a guy who pretends to be a gangster paints his face and calls himself violent jay so i'm actually on the side of the self-selected person here if you're gonna talk a big game like i would like anyone who self-selected themselves to fight me zero percent chance i'm gonna fight them because i'm not violent taylor i'm regular taylor and i don't want to fight a self-selected person because no one's ever been like,

well, I'm a little doughy, but I think I could take it. Like, no, there's a guy who's like, I've been traded for this. Like, I'm ready to beat the shit out of this internet retard that says, I don't even know, 15 things that you can take umbrage with. I've said this episode. This episode alone.

You got a problem with cut cocks? Yeah, I'm a defender of couches everywhere. I stand for women's clits, and I'm going to beat the shit out of Violent Taylor when he comes down tomorrow morning. There was a moment, like, a guy challenged me to an internet boxing match. Oh, my God.

Was he a Reddit moderator? Yeah. There's a video of this. Should we watch a video as you're explaining it because we don't need the audio for it no you should just watch the video um yeah but the thing is like

there was a reddit mod who challenged me to a fight of the donald right yeah from the donald and I was like well I'm pretty sure I can take him because he moderates a Reddit. Like he decided to do this for free. Yeah.

He was like the world's biggest Donald Trump fan. And he wanted to box me because I'm a big internet liberal. And, um, you guys can see the fight. But after that, everybody started challenging me to fights. And I was like,

absolutely not. If you guys are challenging me to fights, i was like absolutely not if you guys are challenging your fights because you think you could beat me guess what you win this one guy kept coming after me and he was like i want to fight i want to fight i was like no i go i'm sure you could beat me and then i looked up his name he was like some sort he was like some hawaiian nine-year craft mcgraw champion and i'm like what why it wouldn't be entertaining to beat me up you're a professional combat sports guy and he's like yeah i just want to slap you around a little bit i'm like i don't want that i don't i don't want to be slapped around at all dude and krav maga is like the underhanded form of martial arts. Like all the main Krav Maga moves you can't do in UFC because it's all groin strikes and eye gouging and throat attacks.

Like that's what you were in for with Krav Maga. He would have posted up, and then he would have jabbed you in the goddamn throat and kicked you in the nuts. Like that's what Krav Maga is. But, I mean, it's a – I think the israeli defense force yeah the idf invented it it's just like they invented it in the 1950s so they have all the modernist technology to beat you up like at least karate is like old like you know what i mean like this krav maga is the new hip thing to kill me with. I'm not interested.

Yeah, karate was like, You never strike the groin. It is a dishonorable. Like, that kind of shit. But, like, Krav Maga is all about winning and neutralizing the threat. So it's like, yeah, kick them in the nuts, tear their eyes out, stab. Like, do anything you need to do to shut them down. But I want to talk a little bit more about the fight. When was it in the fight that you

knew because the funniest thing you did in the whole thing people look this up look up a stereos first the the donald mod is neither of you knew proper boxing etiquette and you got winded quickly but you were much heavier and bigger than the guy and so there's one time where you like miss with a punch and he steps back and instead of doing a traditional punch you take your arm like this and swing with a backhand and you catch him in the jaw and you knock him down fucking hard yep and because nobody is like calling the fight for real everybody's like oh what a strike and you like clearly you're like yeah i'll roll with this it was kind of a spinning back fist. I saw it. Yeah, it was.

I was hoping that you would win that. I did not want to see that Donald dude win. According to the rules of boxing, if a ref doesn't call it illegal, it's illegal. I mean, it's legal. So if you're spinning back fist and the guy doesn't call it, no harm, no foul.

You can punch a guy at the base of the spine. They're called rabbit punches because they're like as virtuous and, uh, and, and like, and clear of moral purposes, a rabbit is, you know,

rabbit, the most moral of all animals. So, um, yeah, it's just whatever the ref wants. And that ref wanted me to backfist that guy. I've challenged him to a rematch a million times,

and he is just not interested in a rematch. Like, this was like a, like we ended with a draw, and the idea was that we would get, like, the Hammerstein ballroom and a real ref and real medics and, really do a fight uh he's not super interested now he learned his lesson but it was a draw now be honest like because i only saw a piece of it you look like you won by a lot oh yeah well it was not a draw asterios won if you watch it yeah i knocked him to the ground yeah i got four knockdowns and apparently three is a tko but at the same time like i don't know i don't know what boxing like the like i'm just the guy just challenged me to

a fight on twitter and i was like i think this is the only fight in the world that i don't need to be scared of like i could just tell like, again, a Reddit moderator. I wouldn't feel comfortable fighting any Reddit moderator unless they are the mod of, like, God Street Fighting or MMA or something like that. And, like, that was the fight where that guy's girlfriend is, like, a weeaboo, and she was dressed as a cat meowing at you the whole time, right? Yes, yes. is like a weeaboo and she was dressed as a cat meowing at you the whole time right yes yes he was dating a cat girl and he brought her in on a leash in a collar and during the fight like she she's in the corner dressed up like a kitty cat yelling at the guys that worked at the mma gym that we fought at um

because uh what happened was uh after the first round she said like it's really great that you're beating him even though he needs prescription glasses and he's not wearing them and the and the mma guys are like well no excuses you know then she's like, I don't remember asking for your opinion. And they were like, well, we don't remember you paying $20 to come in here. And now Catgirl is like arguing with her boyfriend and me over who's going to give her $20. But we're both wearing boxing gloves. And I'm like, I can't get to my wallet right now. Also, I didn't have $20.

But like, yeah, Catgirl is just, she was a real nightmare. So what Catgirl tells me way before the fight, way before the fight, the guy tells me to fight, I accept. I'm like, okay, I think I can win this. She messaged me, and she's like, I'm his fiance. He has cancer. You're not allowed. Please don't fight him. I go, oh, shit.

And I was heading down to Texas to direct, to help make a TV commercial. And so I go down there. I meet up with Catgirl and I'm like, I'm like, oh, shit. Well, if this guy has cancer,

we've got to find a way to get him out of this. So me and my girlfriend meet with Catgirl at a bar in Austin. And Catgirl starts going on and on about how her uncle created the CIA, which is why she's allowed to threaten the CIA because they're afraid of her uncle's influence. Now, the police chief of Austin doesn't take her 911 calls anymore, but she has a roommate who is a reincarnated Nazi and stabbed her in the chest with a triangular-bladed SS tip.

So, we've gotta help her tonight. And I'm like, this guy doesn't have cancer at all! Ha ha ha! Exactly. Her uncle founded the CIA in 1947. What a maniac. I know.

You should have beaten the shit out of her, too. No, that's not nice. That's not nice. Why not? What did he do that was worse than what she did? See, you're sexist. You're sexist. Well, yeah, you can beat the shit out of him. His uncle didn't create the CIA See, you're sexist. You're sexist. Well, yeah, you can beat the shit out of him. His uncle didn't create

the CIA, so you're fine. Oh my god. Was this one round? I'm watching this fight, and it looks exhausting. It's two rounds. Your fight style does not conserve energy. No, I got really excited, and I really went... At some point,

I just started windmilling it was uh I didn't start windmilling I I should have fought better but I'm down for a rematch whenever that guy is I'm not judging you went in there and like geez is round two about to start maybe yep

dude what was uh did you did you talk to this guy afterward at all? Like, was there any, or was it just like, get up and leave and that was it? Or did you guys like grab a beer or talk or any resolution? Well, I had work the next day and it was. Back when you had a job. Back when I'm back for a match, took my goddamn job away from me.

By writing to HR that I was a misogynist. But anyway, uh, so it like, I'm trying to, this guy and I, I'm trying to set up like a real fight, like where we really get a venue and we really get this.

And I was going to, I wanted to sell a book at the thing and he would sell a book, the thing. And, but the guy, every time he would always be like, I want to fight you tonight. I want to fight you tonight. I want to fight you tonight.

And I remember telling him on the phone like so many times. And this would be like on the Dick Show or over Twitter. And I'd be like, I'm not going to fight you tonight. Like, you don't gain anything. That'll be it for this thing. But then finally so many people texted me. They were like, you have to call his bluff you have to fight him tonight you look like a pussy I go

you don't understand he's an actual crazy person if I tell him I want to fight him tonight he will show up tonight and that's it for the fight and they go you gotta do it so I finally go okay I'll fight you tonight and he drives six hours

one in the morning at a punk bar in Brooklyn that's playing porno on the TV. He walks into the bar wearing a silk robe and like old-timey red boxing gloves that he's carrying, this girl on a leash. And I'm like, god damn it. I wanted to sell books and tickets and T-shirts, and now we're just going to. So we go to a, we just went to an MMA gym, middle of the aisle that was over 24 hours. I asked the guys that worked there, like, can we have a dumb internet fight in the back? And they're like, yeah. And like, that's the fight you're seeing.

It was so unplanned, unprompted, unexpected, but ideally unforgettable. This fight is outstanding. It was hilarious. I'm showing it to our audience as you talk about it. You're currently finished fighting. It looks like maybe laying on your back trying to get oxygen in your body again. Yeah. Yep.

I loved how on at least the Dick show or whatever show it was you were on at the time, you were like, yeah. You were talking such a big game like, I'm going to get fit. I'm on a fitness regimen right now. I've been eating better. I'm working out. And then you showed up for the fight. And it was so clear that you had done none of those things.

And you just showed up just ready to go. Had you done any of those things? It's actually, unfortunately unfortunately it's the opposite so i'm telling people that my training regimen is to eat a hundred mcnuggets a day and i'm telling people i'm going to become the blob because much like in the x-men video game nothing can hurt the blob the blob. So I'm telling people I'm going to blob up, but secretly I've trained like, I have like, I've hired the best boxing coach in New York and he's training me four days a week. Now my plan was this,

I wanted to have the match around Christmas. Right now we're talking, it's around June. I was going to show up in the dick show wearing fat suits but just get ripped and then christmas day which is boxing day overseas beat the shit out of him but he pulls this thing where he's like i want to fight you tonight and my goddamn ex-girlfriend texts me and she's like you look like a real pussy right now i'm like well then I guess I have to fight him because a girl told me I look like a pussy. And so I challenge him back and we do the thing. And that's why this all. And so when I took off my shirt, like, yeah, I was a little Joey, but that was after like a month of training. starts i am in a proper fight stance and i land exactly one proper punch but then i saw this look on his face when i hit him like he had never been hit before and he was real scared and that's when i just started like my training just went out the window i was like yeah i hate you so much yeah so that's how i how big of a guy was he or how tall

are you i'm five foot uh nine five foot ten he was like six foot one he was tall and skinny but he was a string bean kind of build that's the yes that's the thing. He was really rail thin. You think? Really rail thin? I'm looking at him. He's thin-ish, but I don't know if really rail thin. Mysterios has a different definition of rail. Yeah, I mean, come on. That's the thing.

He was only like 220 or something. But he kept his feet. He couldn't stay up. That's the thing. He was tall stay up. That's the thing. He was tall and thin, so he was easy. I knocked the guy down four times. It's like he could not stay up. Yeah, he didn't have any balance.

I think you elbowed him in the back of the head once. Well, the ref doesn't call it. No harm, no foul. The ref didn't call it. That's not what no harm, no foul means. I'm pretty sure by ref you mean one of the the guys standing outside the cage Going yeah look at him Well I did at one point After I punched him a bunch

At first and he looked really scared I yelled bring it You bitch And the ref said Language And I went And I't bring it B word and that was okay

well at least that would have really struck home that would have been the perfect thing to call a Donald because this was a couple years ago before cuck had like totally become not a thing anymore that was the time to get

some cuckery in on that guy. See, now the thing is to call people pedos. We've moved on from cuck. Cuck addicts moment. Yes, now it's just if you disagree with someone on Twitter, you just call them a pedophile. You know, I had that before. It was cool.

Elon Musk really led the charge on that one, so kudos to him. Elon Musk is riding my coattails. I was called a pedo in my heyday 100, 200, 300 times a day. I'm sent another $20 million

lawsuit. Your Honor, I've been called a pedophile long before any of this. These people are biting my style. I'm trying to call it a pedophile market. This is mildly related. Woody, guesstimate, how many buys, how many pay-per-view buys do you think the last UFC event,

the one that was Tyron Woodley versus Darren Till. How many buys? It was medium for recently, which is down compared to before. I'm going to say $375,000 to $425,000. $130,000. Whoa, that's low.

Yeah. I do think that Woodley's a better pull than he was before that fight. Because he had just fought Woodley and who's the white guy? Wonder Boy. We'll just call him Wonder Boy twice. And those were the most boring fights in UFC history. Like among the most boring fights in UFC history.

So Woodley wasn't a draw. He beat the dickens out of Till. He did. People like him more now than he did before that fight. But yeah. Yeah. That's pathetic. a till. He did. People like him more now than he did before that fight. But yeah. That's pathetic. I can't wait to see how much how many buys this Conor fight gets.

I think it's going to be low. I bet he doesn't break a million. You want to put a bet on that? Another $5? As much as you want that it breaks a million. Really? Who's connor fighting again i forget habib derma gamed off oh i don't know who that is what is there like a fun storyline you're kidding right no i mean the last i heard he fought a boxer and that was interesting because

it was like who will win this giant boxer or this little mma? Like, well, what's the storyline now? Is there anything? Well, the storyline is that, so Conor has been away from MMA for two years now. He was the champion at 145, and they took that belt from him, they stripped him. He was also the champion at 155 pounds. Well, they stripped that belt from him,

and they essentially gave it to a guy named Habib Nurmagomedov. He's 26-0 is his record. He is from Dagestan, Russia. Well, they stripped that belt from him, and they essentially gave it to a guy named Habib Nurmagomedov. He's 26-0 is his record. He is from Dagestan, Russia. He has this crazy storyline behind himself. He is a wrestler. He takes people to the ground, and he mauls them. He pummels them on the ground.

There are videos of him wrestling a bear when he's nine years old. It's a small bear, but he's wrestling a bear at nine years old. He has destroyed everyone they've ever put in front of him wrestling a bear when he's nine years old like it's a small bear but he's wrestling a bear at nine years old he has destroyed everyone they've ever put in front of him and he is the current champion at 155 he got into an altercation with conor mcgregor's best friend who's also russian slapped him in the face in public they put it all over social media connor didn't like that he hopped on his private jet, flew to New York with a bunch of his goons, and they caught Habib leaving the UFC press conference in a bus full of other fighters. Connor's trying to get him to come out of the bus and fight him going crazy, gets a dolly, smashes the bus window out, glass flies in, cuts two fighters' faces all up. A couple of them couldn't even fight for the next event.

Conor had felony charges against him, which have since been dropped to misdemeanors. But he's got incoming civil suits from a couple of the fighters who were either injured or injured and unable to fight at that next event. One of them likely missed the title fight, which would have changed his life. That was about nine, ten months ago. So now,ober 6th he's fighting that guy he's oh that's for the storyline now okay yes see that i saw when conor mcgregor tried to pull his monday night raw like garage beat down and it's like you know there was

a way to do it that didn't involve getting glass in everyone's eyes. Like, I've seen what Cade has done to The Undertaker and The Undertaker's eyes still work. Like, but wow! Okay, that's fantastic that those guys are fighting. Who does the internet think is going to win? What are the odds?

The Vegas odds are in the Russian guy's favor, the wrestler who's the current champ. And Chiz has bet a good bit of money on Conor to win in various different ways. But yeah, I'll bet you anything you want that this breaks one million buys. I'm losing my confidence. You've overplayed your hand, Kyle. You should have.

How about loser has to wear a black face For Halloween episode I love it and we're not changing that bet What's um I'll wear a black face with you So it's not uncomfortable So right now Khabib I don't know who's right

Is a slight favorite But what's going to happen Is the Irish will invade Las Vegas when they get down there. They will bet in person, and the odds will flip, and Conor will be a slight favorite, I guarantee it. Yeah, by fight night, that's probably quite likely. Not necessarily because the odds makers believe that he is the favorite, but just to balance out the disproportionate amount of Conor fans that there are. Because Khabib doesn't have a huge fan base.

Connor has a massive fan base, especially amongst the Irish. I don't want him bringing this fan base here. I don't want all those mix coming over here. You know, they're not bringing their best. No, they're not. They're not sending their best. They're rapists. They're not sending their best.

They're sending their rapists, their murderers, and their dolly throwers. Yeah, and people who ruin buses that other people paid for. Mm-hmm. Very rude people. But yeah, I would absolutely take that bet. I would honestly probably bet that it breaks 1.5 million. I think it's going to be the biggest pay-per-view in history for the UFC. That's interesting.

It could break 2 million. I don't get exposed to very much regular media. going to be the biggest pay-per-view in history uh for the ufc it's interesting it could it could break two million i don't get exposed to very much regular media i watch youtube and i have um youtube red so i don't pay i don't see any ads uh i watch netflix and i run i just don't see ads so to me it feels like the ufc is not promoting this very much. I know Connor's not doing any press tours. They did one event with no fans there. So it seems like it's an under promoted event, which is why I was guessing it wouldn't sell well. They run a ton of a YouTube pre-roll that you wouldn't see if you run ad block.

Yeah. YouTube bread is, it's just, it's better than ad block, I guess. But yeah, the thing is connor and the and that boxer guy had like 17 press conferences so it is weird that they only had one media day

like is it that these two people hate each other so much they don't want to be in the same building uh connor didn't want to do a lot of press he wanted to train for the fight you know he on that see when he does press he has to fly from fucking fucking Ireland over here. Habib lives here. All right. Conor has to fly over here every time he's going to do any of these events. And when they did that world tour, I mean, shit, it was what? LA, New York, maybe Toronto or somewhere in Canada. Oh, you're talking about the boxing one.

Yeah, the boxing thing with Mayweather. With Aldo, there was some Brazil involved. He really has to fly. The UFC makes it easy on him by sending a private jet, but he can only get so easy from Ireland to Brazil. I mean, they can't transporter him. Yeah, it interrupts his whole training thing. You know, he's not able to get his sleep the way he wants to, I'm sure.

Like, he's not doing press. Yeah, I think it's going to be massive, though. It would definitely break a million, I would bet. Just about. I would take the blackface bet. When's the UFC broken a million for the last time, though? Like, I can't remember the last million. Probably the last counter fight.

The last counter fight, probably. Or maybe DC and Jon Jones, last time they fought. But yeah, this will definitely break a million. It's going to be massive. It's certainly not being promoted the way the Mayweather fight was, where it was like a cultural event. But that was bringing in... That's the second biggest boxing pay-per-view of all time, by the way.

Behind what? Maybe Mayweather Pacquiao. Wow, I remember watching Mayweather Pacquiao. Yeah, that was huge. It was boring as shit. Yeah, it sure was. The Conor fight was more entertaining than the Pacquiao fight, for sure. Yeah?

Yeah. Well, I mean, with the Conor-Mayweather fight, it was entertainment the whole time. It was kind of like the actual fight itself was almost irrelevant. The build was so much of the story. It's always like that in fighting. You've got to build the narrative. That's why people are so into it. It makes sense.

I'm not a big fight fan. Kyle and Woody know much, much more. You'll watch this one, though, right? You're going to go to a bar or something? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll definitely watch it. My buddy is super into it, and so I'll watch it over at his place. And then six days until hockey season, and then that's so i'll watch it over at his place and then uh six days till hockey

season and then that's all wow i might pay for this connor fight i am oh definitely yeah like it if you try to watch some random stream then there's a good chance that when the main events roll around it'll be terrible quality lots of jumping you'll miss a minute at a time if it's a big fight you're pretty much guaranteed not to see the fight you really want maybe some of the prelims and stuff will work but by the time connor fights everyone will jump on but if you pay for it then you'll see it properly yeah yeah for sure at some point it's like as we become like adults like at some point it's just like uh the wwe network is easier like yeah i guess i could go find the stream every time or whatever but it's

ten dollars like okay like i'd rather pay the ten dollars so i could watch the world rumble on my phone on the subway than like to have to find part one of Daily Motion, this, of all that crap. I got there too with individual songs, right? Like early me was on LimeWire or what was the first file sharing thing? Kazaa. Kazaa, but that's not what I'm thinking of. Napster. Napster is what I was going for. But then it was just like, you know what?

For $0.99 or $1.29, I'll go to iTunes and I'll just get the song in good quality. Nail it. I listen to the same songs again and again and again for a decade so the money's worth it. It's worth 99 cents. I don't even know if that existed though. 2002, 2003 is when I was on LimeWare and Kazaa downloading

anything and fucking everything. Fucking porn, everything. There were no porn sites then. a um a debate over whether or not like it was even stealing back in the early days like your promotion wants to be free and then uh later on it was just like i think what i'm paying for is the easy experience of finding music music songs that are suggested for me uh that's a thing yeah yeah and they started randomly like prosecuting like limewire downloaders and it was like shit stop sharing it stop sharing like like fucking delete all this shit i don't want to fucking pay some million dollar fine for every

second of fucking yeah the kiss album that i downloaded or whatever the fuck they really went after people there for a while it was was like kids, teenagers, and shit. Yeah, they would just make random examples out of random people. I remember that. Where it was like catching an STD. It was like, look, the odds are low, but if it happens, you're real fucked.

That's why you don't fuck those strippers in LA, even if it is only $300. Kyle, do we have any outros? We certainly do. I just want to tell everybody to... Let's see here. While you're looking for that,

Asterios, where can everybody find all your shit? Well, guys, if you want to listen to my podcast, you go to asteriospodcasts.com It's A-S-T-E-R-I-O-S I do this thing where it's called the AsteriosPodcasts.com It's A-S-T-E-R-I-O-S I do this thing where it's called the Asterios Cogodos Podcast Factory

where every Thursday you get a new podcast on your phone. You don't know what the name of the podcast is going to be. You don't know what it's about. You don't know who's going to be on it. It's kind of like a birch box or a loot crate but for podcasts. Where it's like, oh, there's a surprise.

We could be doing a podcast all about the birds from Star Wars. It could be a wrestling podcast. It could be a podcast about my ongoing lawsuit. You never know what you're going to get. You go to AsteriosPodcast.com to listen. Awesome. Well, you're a real wild man. We definitely enjoyed having you on the show.

Thanks for having me. This was fun. You're hilarious and I absolutely want to have you back soon. I want to have you back. I'm unemployed. I have nothing to do. Probably the show is exactly what you expected. No, it's much,

much, no it's not. Oh my god. Didn't Dick tell you? I was not expecting this. I had a great time. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming on. And also a special thanks to our sponsor, Nighthawk Pro Gaming

by Netgear. Give your gaming PC the bandwidth it deserves. The XR500 is rated the top performing gaming router by PC Gamer. You can trust that this router won't let anything on your network prevent you from having the ultimate gaming experience. Visit netgear.com slash NPG, link down below, and learn how you can join the no-lag crew today.

And remember, when you support our sponsors, you help make this podcast possible. Also, ever wish you didn't need to buy batteries, coils, a tank, and a bottle just to get started vaping? eBay, the new vape system bottle just to get started vaping, eBay, the new vape system from the creators of Zamplebox, changes all of that. eBay's hardware blends simplicity with top-shelf quality. eBay features a super compact battery, high-capacity pods that are more than twice the capacity of those Juul pods,

and that feature ceramic coils so you won't ever get a burnt hit. eBay features a perfectly curated lineup of five delicious flavors, so you're sure to find one that's perfect for you. For a limited time, get a free A-Bay kit and $10 off each pack of pods on your first order when you sign up for monthly auto-ship delivery with three or more packs of pods. Plus, all A-Bay auto-ship orders get free shipping.

Just use the code PKA at checkout when you visit A-Bay.com. That's A-B-A-Y.com. Very good. PKA 406.