Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #407

Episode Date: October 11, 2018

On this week's PKA, the guys review potential picks for the hypothetical King of America, then Kyle share's some childhood stories of himself having OCD and then they watch Bjorn confess in front of his wife to cheating on her. All this and more on PKA this week!

Painkiller already, episode 407 Just the boys tonight Kyle? Couple of sponsors tonight, Squarespace, Postmates Getquip, Monster Energy Espresso And Amazon Prime Prime Channels Gonna get to all of that later on, of course

But yeah No dirty guests To weigh us down tonight No Asperio coca mocha to just drag things down in the mud with his hyperbole. No boisterous coconuts this week. I liked him. I thought he was awesome. Oh, we loved him.

I loved him. I don't want anybody thinking we didn't like him. I don't want anyone who's sarcasm-tarded like me not to understand. I don't know how he stayed that high-level energy for so long. It's fun. For four hours, he was yelling. That was more exhausting than his boxing match, definitely. This show is funny.

There's a certain kind of mental conditioning that happens. There's a lot of guests who are good for 90 minutes, and then the last two and a half hours they're dragging they don't have it they're like this they're like we're at the peak of podcast fitness you said it was two hours you son of a bitch we work out every week with a freshener on tuesday so yeah but anyway we had a we're thinking of fun hypotheticals, debate questions, if you will. And one that I was reading through a list and I came up with is, so we're not going back in time here, gentlemen. We're in the modern day.

And something occurs where it's like, we're not doing democracy anymore. No more republic. No more states. It's just the kingdom of America, and we have to pick a king. This kind of king is going to be like any other monarch throughout history. His word is law. His sons will become the new king when he's gone, barring some insurrection or something.

This would be a really cool movie. But anyway, who's your your top couple king choices the rock the rock what a terrible oh my god the rock would fucking come out first of all he's the king now he doesn't have to do any of this pc bullshit he doesn't have to come out and appease and kiss ass no it, it's time to smell what the Rock is cooking all day. I saw this in Idiocracy. Oh, it's a comment. He's going to put the smack down on democracy.

It'd be beautiful. It'd be beautiful. I'd love for... Look, there have been a few presidents throughout time who gave amazing speeches, right? Like, Kennedy was great at it reagan where do you like him or not he was a trained great communicator he delivered a speech it was moving even even if it wasn't your politics the rock blows them all the fuck away you see him at summer smackdown please you put that man in a cage match give him a microphone and he's an he's a verbal assassin

you know along those lines I don't see why Conor McGregor and Chael Sonnen can't be kings. They're not at the Rocks level. That's why. They're good. They're not. The Rocks lines are pre-written. It's a

play he's putting on. He's performing. He's fucking King Lear out there. He's not coming out there and ad-libbing like connor's good off off his feet right like i was watching him do it a minute ago well you know habib stepped out of the press conference left connor's like yeah let him go cook himself in that sauna that rat chicken fuck first move is to make this west ireland that's funny shit but the rock has his lines written for him as any great king would right like he's got rick flair back there or whoever rowdy roddy piper they're back there typing away i really like his cabinet in this scenario that's the cabinet it's all the wwf stars right it's

those guys yeah you bring it back the old school guys you know i think i think that this is an elaborate ruse for you to make sure that no kind of HGH or steroids will be illegal. Oh. Everything's legal in the rocks. Oh, please. We'll take fluoride out of the water and put the steroids in. We're taking out fluoride and we're putting in creatine. And everybody's just walking around swole.

That would be great. Like, The Rock would have, you ever watch those Chinese videos where they'll have, like, communal exercise time where there are, like, a million of them going like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And it's like, man, that's kind of intimidating. That's what we'd be doing under The Rock. No fat people under The Rock. There would be national cheat days where everybody got to get off work and eat rock-approved food. Yeah. Like, think of the fitness. That is a world where socialized health care works, my friends.

Nobody's smoking. Nobody's overeating. Everybody's on a lot of heart disease because of the HGH. But that's a tradeoff. You know, if everybody in this country started taking, like, large doses of steroids and cycling and just cut out the junk food, I bet heart attack rates would plummet. And skull sizes would increase and finally you'd be normal. We'd all have Joe Rogan heads. All these people who are on lots of steroids die at 50.

The people who are on lots of steroids die at 50. The people who are on lots of steroids. Which you've got to keep in mind, a lot of those WWE, WWF stars were taking enormous doses, right? Well, they're not going to do things halfway. Dozens of, that's right, and that's the kind of king you want. You don't want some half-ass pansy in there like, oh, I don't know. I've got to appease the Duke of Georgia. I got to make him happy. No.

You want somebody coming in there. He's like, the Duke of Georgia has been talking a lot of smack. We're going down below the Mason-Dixon line, and we're going to have a cage match in Atlanta. That's right. Governor Rowdy Roddy Piper from the great state of Alabama will be there. Governor Ric Flair from the great state of South Carolina will be there. And we are having a four-way cage match for the kingdom. That's the only way power ships in Kyle's nation.

That's right. A cage match. And it's all scripted by the king. And the rock always wins. And he makes everyone toss the heel. Yeah. It's like, who's going to win this time? Vizrag Man coming out.

Looks upset. Not too upset, though. He knows the heel. Who's going to win this time? Viswick Man coming out. Looks upset. Not too upset, though. He knows the rules. You're not fired because you're king, my liege. I don't like your choice, but it would be a fun world for like 25 minutes as we all loaded up on HG8.

Hulk Hogan, by the way, gets Florida. Yeah, a couple months for sure yeah hulk hogan gets florida i was down there where he lives one time he's a yeah i like hulk hogan i felt bad i don't want to go with the whole hulk hogan thing who would you make king taylor there are so many people that are would make the rock but there are so many better than the rock like i think that based on his performance in lord of the rings that aragorn would be an excellent king but a rule would be that at no point could vigo mortensen acknowledge that he is not aragorn he is the king of all men the ruler and

rightful heir to the throne of gondor. Sit there and eat his tomatoes off of lead plates and slowly go insane off of his pewter, drinking his wine in pewter glasses. And so that's what I want. I want either Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the rightful heir to the throne of Gondor. And this also entails changing the United States of America to Gondor. Well, we'll make the West Coast parts of Rohan so that it'll be like a united kingdom.

And we'll welcome our doors to all men who are... Except Muslims. They're the orcs. See, they don't get to come in because we're men like Lord of the Rings men. You have to ride horses. No camel riding. There was no camel. You know who rode the camels in Lord of the Rings? The You have to ride horses. No camel riding. If there was no camel, you know who rode the camels

in Lord of the Rings? The Haradri. The Easterlings. They weren't on the same team as Gondor. So that's not going to cut it. I don't remember them at all. See, well they were the ones marching into Mordor near the end at the Black Gate to reinforce the Last of Silence forces. Regardless, I think that Aragorn

would make a good king. If I couldn't go with Aragorn, if I had to pick a different lord of the rings cast member it'd be ian mckellen because he made a lot of excellent decisions as gandalf and he showed that at least on screen he's willing to sacrifice himself for for for small people and a paycheck and that's and that's what i think would be good ian mcke, but preferably Aragorn. His honor is unmatched. But like I said, stipulation if he ever acknowledges... And he's gay. Oh, yeah, well...

Because then we'd have a first straight king afterward. Oh, no, shit! Gay guy, he doesn't have a son. We'd have to pick a new king afterward. That's very bigoted for you to say he can adopt a son. No, this is old school, dude. This is bloodlines. That's what they used to do. That is bigoted of you to say.

You know, you're transporting yourself to a 14th century feudal mindset makes you a little bigoted. I don't care for it. I say we gentrify the feudal times. Gentrify the feudal times. Gentrify the feudal times? Yes.

Bring them up to modern standards. Come on. Okay. All right, so those are my two favorite ones. Another one would just be like Queen Betty White, just to see how long she would make it. Five, ten minutes based on her at the Emmys the other night. She is spent.

Okay, never mind okay she could barely speak she tried to make a joke and it felt like the audience is like pity clapping betty white like she at 92 she was still pretty fucking sharp but now she's like 96 she's like your grandma that you just give the cookies to and see how much longer you've got to spend at the home now. That's sad if it's true because I witnessed it recently and you just fall off a cliff. That's exactly what happened. She went from, I mean

at 92, she was fucking sharp and just a couple years ago making jokes and being funny and her voice was still good. Her voice has lost all of its timber. She has lost any semblance of the ability to be quick and witty and funny. And even string a sentence together. She's losing it mid-sentence.

And she's like, ah, when they asked me to do this, they said I was one of the great first women on television. But I misunderstood. They just meant that I was the first woman on television. And the audience went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Were there more ahs than ha this time? There were no ahs. It's a very liberal crowd. Very pro-Betty White.

She could have pulled off, taken off her diapers. No, no, no. As in like, oh, instead of ha, ha, ha. Like, show they know. Sympathetic to what's happening to her. They gave her what they would have given her when she was funny. It would be nice to her. She could have pulled her diaper off right there and eaten the contents like it was brownie mix.

And they'd have been like, oh, new Betty White's in town. She's gone nasty. right oh betty white going blue is 96 too late to go dirty you know that would be the you know who else i would i would put as king would be uh michael richards oh shit yeah cosmo kramer he would like all of his like public announcements he'd like burst into Oval Office. It'd already be filming. He'd burst in sliding. And he'd tell you when he was about to die, he'd be like, now you get ready for my son to become king.

Isosceles Kramer. I have a lot of respect for Rob Lowe. I like his career progression. He's gone from professional hockey player to whatever mayor of Shawnee or something in Parks and Rec. And then he eventually worked in the West Wing. I feel like he's more qualified than any of your candidates. You know, he never once freed the free peoples of Middle Earth from oppression. I stand corrected.

Could he wield the shards of Narsil? I think not. Absolutely not. You know, he would be good if he only did it as Chris Traeger. Like, he'd be a very uplifting king. He'd be like, hey, guys, corn crops coming in a little low. We're going to need to up that effort, guys. I know you can do it.

See you later. He'd be fantastic. What is his name? This is the Parks and Rec character? Travers, is that it? Tucker? I don't know. A turtle optimist. Always, you know, doesn't put anything bad in his body.

Wonderful guy. Great president. Someone with a public image like that has to be the nastiest, darkest, most evil son of a bitch in real life. Like, he gets back home and there's like three Asian, like underaged whores, chained up, dirty, filthy, malnourished, and bloody from the beating he gave them that morning. And he's just round robin going all over them with like a, not a regular beating tool. He's got like a cat's nine tails with like the bones stuck in it, little chinks of metal. He's digging deep. There's no way he is that nice of a human being. No one is that nice. there's no way he is that nice of a human being no one is that nice no you know it would be danny devito and when he dies and you go on to the next to his son you have a big just throw me in the

trash ceremony where you're just on tv it's like now for the final burial their besting place a king devito and you just throw them in the in the trash. It's a nice somber moment. That'd be good. These are all good ideas. No, he's a real politician. We don't need any politicians in the most important politicians. Come on, he's the fucking Terminator. Okay, you've swayed me.

You know, you can't lock Arnold out. Arnold's got a good sense of humor. He's big into fitness. He, much like The Rock, would whip the country into shape. He's definitely pro-testosterone. He's going to be all right adding a little juice to the mix, if you know what I mean. And he's not born here, which is why he can't run for president.

But I see no—I've read the documents here, and I see no reason why he can't run for president. But I see no... I've read the documents here. And I see no reason why he couldn't become king. You know, I've... You have to be born in... Well, actually, no. If he's the king, he can make whatever rules he wants. Yeah. Yeah.

You must be a bodybuilder from Austria. Shit. Oh, I'm the only one who's qualified to suck everyone. Must also have made five hit 80s movies. Minimum. Fucking love Schwarzenegger.

I'd probably vote for Schwarzenegger for just about anything, regardless of his qualifications. He's a respectable guy. I'd probably vote for Schwarzenegger for just about anything regardless of his qualifications. He's a respectable guy. I liked when he fucked his maid. I had no problem when he fucked his maid, alright? You know what that shows me? That maid. Look.

Go look at a picture of that maid, okay? Arnold Schwarzenegger could have gotten any piece of ass he wanted. He certainly could have afforded like a top, top shelf hooker and and be completely anonymous with that he must have been so hard up to to go after that maid right there had to be something that happened because i mean his wife's no no pushover either she's put maria shriver i mean she she weighs 13 pounds but she was very pretty for a while i think she cut

him off i think that she had cut the the governator off for whatever reason or maybe she was very pretty for a while. I think she cut him off. I think that she had cut the governator off for whatever reason, or maybe she was just for whatever reason unable to satisfy his needs. And one day he was just in there pumping iron and that 65-year-old, heavy-set Mexican maid just staggered past the doorway

on her one gimpy leg, and he was just like, I have to have this. Come here. Let me show you how to do the rip and tear. Yes, come. The rip and tear. What do you mean rip and tear? Well, he's showing her weightlifting moves first.

I thought he was going to show her squats or something, but the rip and tear. No, that was yesterday. No, he's... Something... I'd love to hear him, like, talk about it. Like, he's made fun of it before. He's been self-deprecating about it before.

But he's never been like, this is what happened. He's never really opened up about it. I hadn't blown my load in weeks, Howard. I had the pump, and the pump is like coming. It turns out the pump is not like coming. My cock was so vascular. It was about to explode.

I just had to do it. Come on. There's got to be an explanation. Have you seen the kid that they produced? Yeah, he's the one who seems to have gotten the muscle building genes he looks like he's he would be the king of the home depot parking lot you think you and your friend hopping in the back of this truck no taking his job he's just got those fucking superman austrian genes and they are pumping through him like i don't think he works out he's just he's just built that way he's already built like a like he looks

like he could be like a a high school athlete i know i haven't seen him in years he's probably 25 he has the makings of a varsity athlete he has the makings of a varsity athlete as junior soprano would say he He could do it. See, like, you'd have to be a real douche of a kid for your dad to be Arnold Schwarzenegger and you not to get into lifting. What? I don't. Like, number one, you're always going to be compared to him. Yes.

And you're never going to be as impressive. Right. If you go to the moon, if you land on the moon, still not enough. They will tell you you only got it done because your dad was Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, you had all the political pull, man. He's like, I've trained my whole life. It's like, shut up. You didn't make movies, idiot.

And you're not even jacked. Like, he needs to get jacked with his dad so he can carry on that legacy. Because otherwise, people are going to be like, that's, like, the first thought. And you see a son of Arnold Schwarzenegger who's thin and, like, beanpole looking is like, really? You know, like a normal person, you go, oh, that person's kind of, you know, thin. That's fine. Acceptable. But Arnold's kid, you definitely expect a little more.

I'm talking about his kids with his wife, Maria Shriver, I guess Kyle said her name was. Not the other kid. Yeah, I don't imagine any of the Kennedys being really good in bed. Maybe. JFK was pretty sex positive. I heard Ted Kennedy was to die for. Because he murdered that lady. It wasn't murder,

it was just homicidal neglect. I forgot I had my car and I drove into the lake. What can I say? We've been hanging out all night and then I forgot we were. Who amongst us hasn't gotten drunk,

driven off a bridge, and left your partner in the front seat? I hear that Ted has been off the booze now for seven or eight years. That's fantastic. Good for him. See, that's a joke because Ted's been dead for seven or eight years. Oh, I know. I hope you're not explaining it to me.

No, it's for the rest of the audience. It's for them. Yeah. I wonder, you know when you hear celebrities like, oh, I got sober at age 41 or something. I wonder what the latest anybody's ever bragged about getting sober you know like has there ever been someone like who's 82 like a you know rob reiner age guy who's like and i'm getting i'm finally sober and it's like well you at this

point you may as well keep trucking friend yeah the damage damage is done. It's working for you. I mean, I've covered so many times this idea that if you live a terrible life to 82, then it catches up for you and you die at 82 and a half. Maybe that just worked out for you. 82 is not a bad age. That's older than... Oh, we didn't even get your king. What, did we? We did Rob Lowe.

Yeah, no one liked my choice. I don't know. What a pussy. I don't do pop culture as well as you guys. He, no one liked my choice. I don't know. What a pussy. I don't do pop culture as well as you guys. He's such a pussy, though. He can't rule a fucking continent with an iron fist. By the way, he's the king of North America. I'm calling it right now.

Canada's not going to put up a fight. No, not at all. That's why the Schwarzenegger choice is so good. The Mexican, he likes us very much. Look at the queen. Hasta la vista. Hasta la vista. I said it wrong.

We build a dope-ass wall around the whole nation. And it wouldn't be like a newfangled, like the walls that we're seeing like prototypes of on Mexico, like a new style wall, like the one Israel has around it? No. It'd be old style, brick, medieval looking. It'd be very aesthetic. It would tie the whole nation together, remind us at all times that we are lessers and he is greater, and the Lord greater than.

If we have all of North America, wouldn't the Panama Canal just serve as a wall? We could make one side a few feet taller and it's a wall. No, we're not taking Mexico. No, we're taking Mexico. No, there's some disagreement on this topic, Taylor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, we're taking all of... I'm going all the way down, take Panama, and then the wall gets very easy to implement. You know what? Now this is... You know what? The problem was I wasn't thinking big enough with just Canada and the U.S., a wall around just those

two. Canada, you know... Why are you putting a wall around the ocean? Because, Woody, it has to complete. It has to be a complete project. It has to look good. Because this is going to be like... You've got to keep the fucking Russians out. That's why. You've got to keep the Asians and the Eurasians out. Wouldn't the Atlantic Ocean or the Pacific Ocean do that a little bit?

No, they fucking connect. It's like all the way up there. Alaska is just barely not touching Russia. They're right there. You always heard Sarah Palin talking about. Yeah, but if you can cross the ocean, probably you're taking a plane anyway. They could just hop, skip, and jump over.

That's not actually true. Yeah. On cold days it is. I really don't think so. On the ice road? No. That's not so road no that's not very far at all it's not they could catapult you know where it's very cool they'll be catapulting slavs over into alaska it'd be a whole thing i i really don't think so a trebuchet maybe okay i'll give you that you win yeah what would our what would the what would the kingdom of America's mascot be?

What would be our sigil as a nation? It's hard to beat the fucking Eagle Man. Really? I don't know about the Eagle. In some ways, he's cool because he's kind of an athletic bird of prey. In other words, he's just like a dirty scavenger. Is he that much different than a vulture? It's not about how they live their lives.

It's what they look like, just like Rob Lowe. Maybe we get a... Nah, not a snake. But maybe a couple snakes. If we had a tiger, I'd like tiger. Tigers are badass. We don't have any tigers here. We will after I'm king.

Rule one, build a wall, steal every tiger. So it's really a big animal preserve we're putting together here. It's going to be mayhem. They're going to be like, King Aragorn, there is no ring. And I don't know why you've decreed we almost address you in this voice. It's like silence worm tongue we are going for the ring if we had does america have anything like tigers i mean we have bears but bears are just like the fat chicks of the animal kingdom you know what we're gonna

say we're gonna use our our flag as a big fuck you to the rest of the world we're gonna see what animals the aggregate of the rest of the world has, and we're going to implement all of them. I figured it out. There's going to be a lion head. There's going to be two dragons. There will be serpents in the corners, eagles at the top,

a large bear on both sides grimacing at you. And then what other animals do countries put on their flags? Tigers? If I'm king, there's one animal. It's absolutely badass. Perhaps the greatest predator in Earth history. The shark. Okay, put a shark on mine, too.

I wish there was a symbol for the everlasting sun. Like a rising sun kind of thing? No, maybe. Just a yellow circle? No, I wish there was something symbolic of that. How about just a crucifix? This is a swastika joke. And I was going to keep going

until someone got it. No matter how long that took. We also should steal things from the Buddhists and Hindus and then ruin it forever. Hitler's like, what's a really cool symbol? That's pretty angular and intense. Stealing it. And some guy who had gotten that tattoo in 1932 in the US in Georgia, he's like, yeah,

means fucking unity forever and shit. And then as soon as that broke, he's dude i don't mean to i guess i am segwaying topics but speaking of awkward can we watch bjorn explain cheating on his wife how he just had a little bit of sex yeah for sure for those of you don't know bjorn is one of ice poseidon's sort of uh hanger on sidekicks he's he's he's a real fun loving guy he's from fucking belgium or or something like that i don't know he's from one of those those we we don't really do geography in the in the united states but we really just focus on ourselves you know you're either in America or you're not. So he is international. Yeah, he's one of them. So I'm queued up at zero, pretty much ready. I'm just centering things a touch.

Let me make this perfect. Are you guys ready? I am ready now. Three, two, one, play. I had sex with Corinne. But we didn't have sex like sex, sex, sex. We just had a little sex, funny sex together. That's it.

Yeah, I don't want to go into details. He's in the room with his wife and he's streaming this he doesn't want to go into details but he just had a little bit of sex not sex sex I I don't have sex with shy why do you think that you can ask shy herself she's one of my moderators. He's reading the comments on his phone as he goes through this. The only girl I had a little bit of sex together with was Corrine.

But Corrine, she's an old woman. She's not a young woman. What's that? We were together in the bath. We had a shower together. It's just water. It's just water and soap? It's not real sex.

Oh, this is awkward. We just go in the bath together. He's a professional. We didn't have sex. We just took a shower together. You know, if you have sex, then you have sex. But then I will tell you if I do that. If I do that.

But we not have sex. We go in the shower together. That's all. Because we were drunk. I was drunk. What other thing do you not tell me? There's no other thing. No other thing. I'm not lying. Tell me other things you not tell me? There's no other thing. No other thing.

I'm not lying. Tell me today is all you have to tell me. I have no other things to say. No other. Oh, man, I feel bad. Oh, I can't believe. Wow. Is that your first time seeing that?

Yeah, that's my first time seeing that. You've mentioned it to me before, but I hadn't seen it. Yeah, that's my first time seeing that. You've mentioned it to me before, but I hadn't seen it. I had no idea that they were in the room and he's live streaming his – Tim telling his wife that he – I was a bit confused. Now, it sounded like he said that he just took a shower with a woman, right? I don't believe – Wow, he's in the clear.

He had a little bit of sex with her and they took the shower. I don't know if he was offering some kind of plausible deniability to his what it just seems weird that he'd be naked in the shower with another woman describing it as a little bit of sex but not sex sex i i i mean taylor back me up here like like your girlfriend would be fine if you had a shower with another yeah right well i mean that's 100 appropriate it's just water and soap i mean obviously that's okay and you're drunk you know you yeah you you're you know like what i like is that as he was doing it he was like having this very important relationship conversation with his wife but he was splitting eye contact with her and the stream like as though he's running like a show he's like yes she's got to be fuck well he's running, like, a show. He is.

She's gotta be, well, he is running a show in that way, but, like, dude, if I were her, I'd be fucking done with that asshole. Oh, yeah. Like, he seems like a funny dude, like, and an entertaining dude, and I know he's one of the liked ones there, but, like, that's not cool, man. That's why he seems so sad about it. Publicly humiliating.

Yeah, but he's publicly humiliating. Oh, we didn't see her. I noticed we kept her right, you know, offating we didn't see her i noticed we kept her right you know off the camera you see her feet in the oven i was watching her in the oven reflection the whole time i i admire bjorn after hearing this because first of all bjorn is is in a foreign country a foreign land he's faced with a lot of temptation he is an an absolute alcoholic with a with a very serious alcohol abuse problem, and he only had a little bit of sex, right? It's not like he's railing hoes.

No, I'm 100% sure what a little sex is. It really seems like there's a lot of dirty whore overflow if you're hanging out in that crowd, right? I feel like Bjorn could be knocking down all of the threes and fours that that overfill ice's cup right is he actually a big alcoholic or is he just the drunkest one on the stream he is a look you can't be the drunkest one on the stream and not a big alcoholic that's what it takes to get that title he's one of those guys who can pound like a dozen beers and be like i've only had 12 you know he it's it's absurd like like he can put away a case of beer you know in an afternoon he

seems like he's a very heavy drinker and and there's no way to be that heavy of a drinker without being an alcoholic yeah if he's drinking like 12 beers and he's still like nobody knows yeah or if he can drink a case at all like i see if he's doing that over the course of like a whole day like or i guess he's probably doing it probably probably like an eight hour stream functional to be fair he's a functional alcoholic you could put it that way john daly would would crush a i heard this whole story about john daly like drinking a case of beer and three packs of cigarettes in one afternoon simultaneously breaking that course's record for the lowest score like like you know you could be a functional little bit of alcoholic

john daly stories are so interesting because like he was trashing people in golf and he was like blackout drunk yeah like while he was training not athletic things like when tiger woods came a terrible body when tiger woods came along he was like the first guy who could look like an athletic professional baseball player but playing golf you know all the guys that tiger woods are beating look like me and tiger looks like a professional athlete yeah and that was pretty amazing but daily somehow managed to do it while looking worse than me yeah i mentioned how good he could have been if he like gave a fuck you know right like he don't want he don't want you know five or six more masters or something like that tiger won a big

tournament the other day and he's the betting favorite to win the masters next year i i don't know why But I just Yeah I do know why I want Tiger to get the most Masters And it's because I enjoy Living through greatness Right I think it's kind of cool That I followed basketball When Jordan was playing

Right I think it's neat that LeBron James Is playing right now Possibly even better Some people argue that And you can go and see it It's happening Right

I saw Lemieux play It was right towards the end of his career But I was like You know Lemieux's gonna He won't always be around And he's in Raleigh right now I'm gonna go see that Because it's great

I like In sports right I mean to say in MMA right We've got Conor right now We had Ronda I like it when Greatness happens And That's why I want Tiger To break this record So that We've got Connor right now. We had Rhonda. I like it when greatness happens. And that's why I want Tiger to break this record so that greatness happened.

Yeah, I agree with you. I like that too. I'm far too young to have watched Jordan play in his prime. But I watched him play for the Wizards. And I remember even thinking when he was playing for the Wizards, like, I don't like basketball, especially not professional basketball. I really like if I'm at the game, it's very high energy, and it's a lot of fun to cheer for your team.

But this isn't what I do. But Jordan's playing? I should sit and watch a Michael Jordan game. And I did. I watched the Wizards play. And he was a shadow of his former self, but it was fucking Jordan playing, so I had to watch it. Is there anyone, because I'm only familiar with hockey,

like the old stat holders and shit. Is there anyone who you don't think is ever going to have their records broken? Like it's just not going to happen. Yeah. Any sport. Yeah. Brett Favre and Cal Ripken have the consecutive games played thing that I don't think anyone is coming close to. Really?

Like an Iron Man street kind of thing? Yeah. Bernie Williams in his postseason performance in baseball. All those home runs he hit, that'll never be broken. What was... There was one game where he hit like three. When was it? Was it recent?

I didn't notice it. That was like the 80s or 90s. Like the Yankees. It was like the 80s or 90s okay yeah like the yankees okay it was like uh i know nobody's ever going to beat gretzky's records but he's usually the obvious answer in these three like it was a big thing when jogger retired who was like one of the best players of all time and they're like jogger only played like 250 300 more games than Gretzky, and he almost got as many total points as Gretzky had assists. Now that's a feat. That's a big feat.

And it's like, yeah, nobody's going to touch this guy. It's going to go down forever. It's impossible. What would it take for Gretzky's record to get broken? Gretzky existed at a time when more goals were scored, right? Gretzky was getting like 250-point seasons. Does that sound right? Am I exaggerating?

He had one where he had like 240, which is like every game, putting a few in. Yeah, outrageous. But while he was getting 240, other players were getting 150. Now, how many people break 100? Like two or three? Only a handful every year. Less than six, right?

But breaking 100 back when Gretzky was getting 240, there'd probably be 20 guys that broke 100, 25 guys. So he just lived in an era when points were happening. Why don't people score anymore? Goalies are way, way better, and defense is way, way better. The big thing is goalies are just fucking better. Like, look at a goalie in 1985 and be like, you think that guy's making the NHL today?

Hell no. Like, that guy's not even sniffing the roster. Bigger nets. Oh, who's the guy that just, he's from the Capitals, and he just laid the fuck out of a Blues player for like the third year in a row? I fucking hate Tom Wilson with my whole heart. Tom, I know you're a big listener. Fuck you. I hope you enjoy losing

over a million dollars in your 20 game suspension. You headhunting piece of shit. You piece of shit. You have 29 suspended games in your whole career. You've scored 35 goals while you play on the same line as fucking Ovechkin. Like, you have no points. I could play on the line you do and knock a couple points, Tom Wilson.

If you strapped me in gear and put me on a line with Ovechkin, I would fall into a couple of assists over the course of the year. And he's not getting much more than that. This dude is a headhunting asshole, and it so happens that the Blues have been on the bad end of this for a couple years now. Last year preseason, preseason, he injures someone, gets suspended. Another preseason game against the Blues, injures again, gets suspended.

This year preseason, head hunts a guy for no reason, gets suspended. Like he's played, this guy's a fucking piece of shit. I really, I hope with my whole heart i would pay so much money to the organization like of a shitty team we're like uh the whoever's gonna suck this year i don't know ottawa and if ottawa's like all right guys we're playing the caps so we're sending all of our nhl players down to the ahl and we're bringing up all of the ahL goons in our roster and your job is to beat the shit out of Tom Wilson like I fucking hope they bring up a six foot nine Croatian dude who's never played in the NHL and they bring him up and they say your job is to put Tom Wilson in the hospital like I fucking

hate that dude headhunting piece of shit and most cap fans are smart enough to be like yeah this is pretty egregious but there are a couple who are like, you know, he didn't even leave his feet. He leaves his feet on every hit. That's the thing. Okay, so I'm just going to play devil's advocate, although I'm really on Taylor's side with this. It turns out that the hit he laid, and I was looking for the footage, maybe Taylor can find it, of the NHL explaining the suspension. Because what he did would normally get a player suspended for like four games, right?

He caught a player kind of with his head down, and the player was eligible to be checked. So it wasn't that he checked him and that was bad. It was that he made contact with his head first, and they felt like he didn't do enough to avoid the head. But the thing is, this is this guy's, I think, fourth suspension in a year. Yeah. Yeah. And this is a calendar year, so I think it kind of covers like two seasons-ish.

But, yeah, four suspensions. He's going nuts. And did you find the actual? I can't find the – it's probably somewhere on the NHL Player Association thing. I was looking for it too. But, yeah, this will shed a little light on it. I don't know if I can make it bigger.

Nope, I can just pause it. But yeah, the guy took a shot, and although he didn't have the puck, he was eligible to be hit because he just shot. You're kind of eligible to be hit for a beat afterwards. And he just made contact with the head first and laid the guy out. That should be about a four game suspension right you're not allowed to hit the head first that's a problem

but because he's a piece of repeat offender yeah and and like so he's getting 20 games which is unheard of but it's also unheard of to do this four times in a year he's only had like 16 games since his last suspension or 17 something very close to that. What a piece of shit. Does he have rage issues, or is he just a cunt? He's a dude who got drafted in the first round, who was supposed to be way better. He's not as good as he was predicted,

but he's like 6'4", and he's jacked. He's a big fucking dude. And so he can lay some heavy hits. For people who don't watch hockey, if you look up highlights of this guy's hits, that one I just linked on my Twitter, look at how after every one of his big hits, he has to turn around right after the

hit. He doesn't continue through, he has to turn around. He's trying to keep himself on the ground by turning around. Because if he just went and barreled through, he'd be in the air and he'd be suspended even longer. He always turns around after these hits to try and keep his feet on the ground. And I don't know if it's some Capitals fans are so fucking stupid they don't know that,

or if most of them are doing what I do and Blues players do nasty shit and be like, ah, it's fine. He's chippy. He finishes a check. I obviously don't hate the dude as much as I'm putting on right now, but I do think he's a piece of shit, and I genuinely hope somebody i genuinely hope somebody injures him this year in a way that really scares him and so he kind of gets a perspective of like oh shit this guy and this guy that he hit this is a fourth line plug for the blues this is a guy who is not that good of a

player he struggles he's on the fourth line he doesn't play a lot of games and so for that dude he's struggling he's he's 20 struggles to fucking read today he's 22 22 yeah they should have they should have a picture of his face afterward and it's just and just a giant and it's a giant gash because his face mask got pushed into his face and it cut it open like and it's like you're hitting the dude who like you know he's just a nice swede doing his best out there in a pre-season game trying to show like oh this is the year i'll play a few more games oh oscar sunquist is gonna be the wiener in 2018 i tell you what and then boom like no got hit by a car oh another record that'll never be broken. Wilt Chamberlain scored like 100 points in a game, right?

Never, though. Because Shaq broke 70. David Robinson broke 70. I want to say Kobe has some 60s or 70s. Nah, Kobe had like an 80 bomb. Did he? Yeah. And look, nobody's going to break that record.

Nobody's ever going to knock 100 points. Only four players have scored 60 or more points on one or more occasions. Wilt Chamberlain, 32 times. Kobe Bryant, six times. Michael Jordan, five times. And Elgin Baylor, four times. Chamberlain holds the single game scoring record, having scored 100 points in 1962. So nobody else has even hit 70, apparently.

Kobe had 81. Oh, yeah, because a couple people have. But I guess nobody's got close to 100 not even close and i don't know who kobe was playing that night but i guarantee they were like the worst fucking team in the league and he was like give me the ball guys did you mention david thompson oh i'm mixing him up. David Robinson scored 71. Did you say him? No, I don't even know who that is. Oh, he played for the Spurs. He was really good.

And I thought Shaq had a bigger one, but it looks like his highest was 61. I just remember the story. Maybe it was David Robinson. One of them, like, there was like a – 61, so he did get a free throw. There was a back and forth. Maybe it was a three-pointer. There was a back and forth where I think it was Robinson and Shaq who were going for the scoring title.

And one of them hit like 60 or 70 points in a game and won it. But I forgot. And Cal Ripken Jr. had that crazy streak of games played. That was mine. Him and Brett Favre. I don't think anyone's even close to that. Oh, fucking Barry Bonds. Nobody's breaking his career home run record.

What is it? Career home runs? Oh, go ahead. I don't know. It's 700 or 800 or something crazy. That's pretty insane. I just know that nobody's going to fucking be juicing as hard as he was ever again. And he was already like an

incredible athlete like you're just not gonna do that again and probably single season home runs as well won't be broken like i don't i remember when that happened that was like 97 98 i think and and every day like the newspaper would be on the table and i would be i would look at it and like sammy would have like 58 and then and and then Mark McGuire would have 59. And then the, a year later, whenever it was bonds, like knocks down 71,

I think is the record. It's just, you're not going to do that. Just a battle of steroids. Yeah. Yeah. A chem, they're fucking got their chemistry sets in the dugout.

You're not going to do that again. I've, but go ahead. I was just reading on Reddit recently. i think it was the guy who called mark mcguire's 60 second home run do you know this story tell me i know if i get any facts i don't know it mark mcguire wanted the ball so they were willing to give him some like autograph mark mcguire like you know balls and bats and shit like that hook him okay bat ball jersey and he was like i'll give you this ball,

but I want to meet Mark McGuire too. And he's like, ah, fuck it, no. So then he sold that ball later on for $3.2 million. Good for him. Yeah. Right? Fuck Mark McGuire, right?

What a piece of shit. Well, I see it a little differently, right? Mark McGuire just decided that it wasn't worth it to him. Like, you know what? Keep the ball. It doesn't have that much value to me, I guess. I mean, like, I don't know. What a big shot you are when you're listening.

That's that valuable to you. I mean, I guess your personal time is probably your most valuable thing when you're that guy, but I don't know. To me, it seems like, it seems shitty. I don't know what the deal is with Mark McGuire and his personal life, but I bet he was a real piece of shit. I can see it through that lens. I get it.

I understand. But there's another part of me that's like, he gets to decide that. Yeah, sure. He didn't owe that fan his time and you know to come out and talk to him and i don't know how much time did the fan want to go to dinner with him or something i have no idea but so he just said you know what fan keep the ball you know and remember like he was he played for the fucking cardinals like people like this is the like someone's gonna be like oh that's not true you can make in the meme joke of best fans in baseball.

Like fucking, no city is as into baseball as St. Louis is. I don't know why. I think it's kind of fucking boring. But everybody here is fucking obsessed with it. And so like if he was in public, it became a parade of people just hoarding, like hounding Mark McGuire, especially in those seasons. So I can see why he would be like, no, no, no. As a matter of fact, I'm so done being hounded, I'm going to move to fucking San Diego when this is over

and be their bench coach. So go to a city where nobody cares. Yeah. Yeah, I bet that was attractive to him. Like, hey, do you want to go to New York, play with the Yankees, or coach the Yankees or whatever? No, no. Is there anywhere they don't care about baseball at all?

Canada, maybe? I would like to not be famous famous it was the opposite of that with like stamcoast like a really good player for the tampa bay lightning like the uh toronto maple leafs like we'll give you like fucking 15 million a year come on up and he's like nah nah like i get to live in tampa here and like the nine million they pay me right now i don't have to pay any income tax for state, so I'm actually not coming off too bad. No, I'm going to stay in Florida, where if I play really well, someone will be like, hey, you're that guy who plays well. And if I play badly, I'm just another guy at fucking Red Robin. I think that's the best kind of famous. Definitely.

I mean, to lump myself into these NHL players or whatever. But whatever fame I once had was very selective. I was only well-known if I went to a video game conference. It would be a rare thing for me to get recognized at an AutoZone or the mall, right? That's the best kind of famous. That's the kind

you like, because every so often there's an ego pumper like, I know you. I like your videos. But you definitely have no trouble walking from Gap to Children's Place, which is a... Yeah. They sell tacos. You really lay in the groundwork

for us to think you're a pedophile, huh? I had children. Don't worry, guys. Nobody will recognize me when I'm walking from the Gap to Children's Place. I hear you, but... I'm incognito. We loved that store.

We bought stock in it, and it did really well. PLC, check the ticker. Sir, you come in every day and just stand by the waiting rooms pretending to look at onesies. I was looking for another mall store. I don't know. There's nothing worse than going to the mall as a kid. It was so fucking boring.

No, I liked it. They got an arcade in the fucking mall. They got Saro pizza at the mall like what more do i want oh well it was always like i was taking on a shopping trip and like it was punctuated with with toys and stuff so that was okay that always was enough of a you know thing to so you know it was a mistake though when i would throw enough of a fit that they'd agree to buy me toys in the beginning because by the end you bet your ass we're going back to KB Toys. Because I treated my toy shopping like bookends to every outing with my family. Try and sneak one in first.

I actually used to do the opposite of that. I took pleasure in fucking with my younger brother a little. And so we'd go to my grandparents. And my mom was always very concerned about us like too much stuff and being spoiled and whatnot because my grandma like any grandma is like oh you boys are gonna get whatever you want down here you can eat cookies for dinner we're gonna go to toys r us you're gonna get whatever you want at toys r us we can fill that whole cart up if you want taylor and my mom would be like now boys you can only have one toy each while you're here. And I'd be like, yes, mom.

And my younger brother would be like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. My younger brother was not as devout to the rule of law. And so we'd get there to Toys R Us, and I'd pick out my toy. I'll be holding it. My brother would pick out his toy, and then we'd still meander around a little bit. be holding it. My brother would pick out his toy, and then we'd still meander around a little bit. And my brother would come over with his

toy, and I'd get an additional one, and go, Grandmonkey, we'd probably be okay if we had two toys, right? We could have two toys. My grandma's like, if that's what you want, you can get two toys. You tell Taylor, he can get two toys, too. And, like, I would consistently

do this because like i wanted a second toy but i also liked upsetting him and so i would be like no mom strictly told us one toy a piece so we will not be purchasing another toy pick the one and i would i would like hold a court in the middle of toys r us about the rules we were meant to follow. My brother would get very upset about it. And so I guess that was my first trolling. Oh, my grandmother was poor. So, like, yeah, she'd give us a dollar or a quarter. And then we were...

In those days, a dollar would buy you a Ford locomotive. And then we would have to, like, slide give it back sometimes like she'd give us a dollar i'd be very excited and then it'd be like put it put it like in her coat pocket so she finds it later and like that was a thing fuck she didn't have any money i can always consider it like a huge act of kindness it was a sacrifice that she made and it wasn't like every time we did that but there were times when we did that you have social security or something i think she was on social security towards the end yeah ah she was she had plenty no so security pays out based on how much you make and she was a cashier oh shit and it probably wasn't a very good one She was a great cashier

Bite your tongue Taylor The tail was always Coming up short What the fuck It's only you and Ruth here Who is it Old lady names My father came from nothing

I remember their House So they lived in a townhouse So they're connected Came from nothing. Yeah. For him. I remember their house. So they lived in a townhouse, right? So they're connected, but not like a nice one, more like a ghetto one. I remember one time we were there, they were like, don't walk far. Someone got murdered across the street yesterday. What's that? There was fire damage because her next door neighbor's house caught on fire.

And of course, they're connected. So just the heat made all the paint and stuff bubble off. Talk about lead chips. And my whole childhood, they never repaired it. They didn't have money to fix that and get it repainted and stuff. Did you at least get the lead chip scholarship? I should have. The lead chip scholarship.

That whole free ride for the rest of your life life and that whole excuse for any and all behavior hey hey i i was writing with pencils before they replaced it with graphite you know that's why a little what can i say i was eating bowls of them you know the corner strip some off sit down watch my cartoons since we're indirectly talking about destiny um i thought the whole debate thing was relatively even but the fans did not they thought destiny just wiped the floor with us and um did we even debate kind of we talked about um letting people into college with lower scores and one of the foundations of his points was that these people ate lead chips as children and therefore you know we're kind of disadvantaged because i actually i looked into that funny enough i found an entire thing debunking the lead poisoning i'll link it to you when i

re-find it again but like where i was i'm sure there's something debunking that you know yeah probably but i'm even more impressed with his debating skills that he could win with what I thought was such an inferior weapon, right? Like, we had guns, like fairness, and he had spears at best, like children's parents ate lead chips and therefore were raised in environments with less success or something like that, and he still won.

So, Destiny, if this somehow gets to you, I think your argument was, I think you brought a knife to a gunfight and still won somehow destiny if this somehow gets to you i i think your argument was i think you brought a knife to a gunfight and still won somehow so congratulations to you oh it's just shitty fans i like those two equally measured takes you should be backing woody up even if his argument is retarded in fact destiny's was but but yeah so i i if his argument is retarded. In fact, Destiny's was. But yes, I thought his argument was a knife to a gunfight, but he still did well. So congratulations,

Destiny. Taylor, you had another debate-type topic, other than the Kingwies of America. Yes, I had a couple of them. Now could do the addicted the addiction one or i could do the uh molest one i like molesting molest okay it was molest or be molested i want

to be molest about the implication okay you're going with be molested i want to be molested am i also yeah go ahead how old am I in this scenario? This is right now. Right now I'm molested, be molested? I've been paying for that for weeks. If I can get one in for free. Dealer's choice. Any age.

Any age. Well, hell. Take a formative year. You need an excuse. What I need is, like, if I could pick any age, clearly be molested. Like, 17-year-old Woody would have fucked anybody. We've all been in that boat at, like, 17 where you see, like, a fat woman, and you're just like, she's got a pussy.

You know what? At this this point it'll do it's like starving like you see those clips of like starving african people eating like dirt cookies and you're like man how could you eat that and you're like well i bet a dirt cookie sounds pretty good when like you're starving to death yeah yeah it's a cookie there's not chocolate chips there's just rocks it is my own recipe what's that big hole in the dirt over there oh that is the source of the recipe uh yeah to describe this molestation right like is i need help is this some dirty old man who's coming over and what's he gonna do to me if it is like i need to know the who okay i didn't go in depth with the thinking about the kind of molestation like my thought was like i do it at a young enough age but still an adult old enough to start my own go fund me for taylor's asshole repair surgery and all go fund me's So if people who are like really sad,

it'll be like, I need five grand to get my fucking fucking dog a wheelchair. And then they'll give you like 60 grand, you know? Yeah. And they always change their goals where they're like, well, let's only,

you know, now our goal is 80, you know, and they always do that shit. You know, the whole goal would be, cause you don't want to be the molester because then your life is ruined because you're a,

you're a molester and no one will want to be around you because they shouldn't because you molest people but if you get molested all you have to deal with is a lifetime of psychological damage i feel like you're king shaming molesters taylor and i don't think that's very kind of you i i would never king shame anyone i actually uh i uh this i reverse trolled someone on twitter where she like put something out there where she's like, all men who, like, and she's since deleted it because a bunch of people went in on her. Where she's like, you know, boobs are for feeding babies and creating milk. If you're attracted to breasts, you're, you know, attracted to something that children like or something along those lines and you're, like, gross. Something like that.

And she was later like, oh, I was trolling. I responded to her and was like, that's really fucked up of you to kink shame not only cis hetero dude bros like breasts, trans lesbians like myself like them too. Of course,

I get a bunch of likes on it, mostly from people who know I'm fucking around, but a couple who sneak in who are like, I'm also a trans lesbian, I'm sure. That's what I want to use Twitter for. Like, that to me seems like the best use of Twitter, just to throw out bullshit like that girl did. You know, I don't want to do what you did, because that seems like it would take a lot of effort to find idiots. Maybe they're easier to find than I thought. But I could be an idiot with no problem at all I thought but I could be an idiot with no problem at all

see I could be an idiot no it's fun to add it's almost effortless I have a knack for it I like believing that Kyle has a bunch of sock puppet accounts on like

Twitter and fucks with people because that's just so your personality to do stuff like that i don't you've never mentioned it to me ever not even in private so i don't actually think you do but i hope you do i hope you're out there fucking around you have accounts i have accounts on a couple of websites okay i i like to troll i like to troll um sometimes you missed my troll that I told Woody where that woman was talking about breasts. I'm sorry. I just remembered that I left

a two liter soda in the freezer like three hours ago and I was like Oh my god! There's a ticket time bomb in the kitchen. I gotta get on this. Literally at that moment I remembered it. Thank god. Can you imagine the mess that two liters of coca-cola would create if it exploded in your

freezer your entire fridge would have been sticky or your fridge in your freezer it would have leaked down it would have been horrible i've done it before like a can of soda like like sometimes i get you know maybe i'll buy a fresh 12 pack of soda because i'm out and i'm like well i want a cold one i don't like warm soda it's repulsive So I'll throw one in the freezer and I'll be like, yeah, I'll come back in 20 minutes. Three hours later, I'm like, oh no. And I go check and it has just ruptured and sprayed everywhere and it freezes. So now there's like brown crystals of ice coating the entire freezer and you have to take all the shelves out all of your frozen food out it's just a goddamn disaster yep i don't blame you for for sprinting away

like yeah i remembered it in that moment and i like when i opened the freezer carefully and like i had this idea in my head that there's some point when i when i want to see exactly like carefully lifting it like it's a like nuclear yeah like you could tap the side and it would just crystallize there is a point when that would happen right like there is a like just before it was going to spontaneously explode on its own there's a point where a thump or or like a jiggle would make it rupture and i don't know how much force it has but if it it's in your hands, maybe it like tears the flesh from my bone or something. And now,

now I'm in the ER with my hands. I hear about this all the time. Tears flesh from bone. Your fucking barks root beer. Yeah. I'm in the ER. they're like, Oh God,

is that a gunshot wound? No, no, no. It's a fucking, it's a Mr. Crush. It's Coca-Cola.

Take him to the two-liter ward. The IBC. All right, guys. On the planet... Now, throw away sofas, seats like on the bus or your car or whatever. Chairs. Are there more chairs or people?

Chairs. Now, you're just throwing this out there. You might be America centric, right? There are certainly more chairs in my house than people. But there's a lot of people in Africa. A lot of people in China with no chairs. Chairs.

You know, we do have a lot of chairs here. I'm sorry? Do you have the actual answer? here. Do you have the answer or is this a discussion topic? I'm sorry? Do you have the actual answer? How could you possibly have the answer? One man went around the world counting chairs. This is his story. All right, let me make this case to you.

Let me make this case to you. Take all the sports stadiums, the public transportation, the cars, the actual fucking chairs. No, I specifically ruled out seats. Cars, bus, trains, sofas. So it's only like four-legged or some other legged chair. Chairs. I'll even accept high chairs

and things like that, but not non-chairs. I don't know. There's no way to know it and then you don't have the fucking answer. I don't even want to talk about it. This has angered me so much, Woody. There's no way to know it, and then you don't have the fucking answer. I don't even want to talk about it. This has angered me so much, Woody. It's definitely people, because I've never seen a photo of an Eastern European or Russian sitting in a chair.

They are over 100 million, and they're all squatting. They haven't invented chairs over there. And the Japanese, they sit Indian style. They sit on the ground. The Japanese and the Indians sit on the ground. All of Africa, except for the chair-having regions, don't have chairs. And so, a lot

of people sit on the floor. On the ground, rather. What is the ground? God's floor, my child. Sitting on God's floor. Does a pile of trash count as a chair? Probably not. Nope. If airplane seats don't count, we're not

counting piles of trash. You're a dead child. They keep dropping food and water. We want chairs, people. Drop us chairs. That's not fair. You should have said seats, because there's definitely more seats than there are people, but there probably aren't should have said seats, because there's definitely more seats than there are people, but there probably aren't more chairs than people.

But there's definitely more seats. You got about it. Huh? Like how incensed you got about it. Oh, it's just fucking, how are we going to fucking discuss this? What, am I supposed to start listing places people sit? This is absurd. And he doesn't even have the answer.

What could I have the answer? If we could discuss it for a couple minutes, and then he'd be like, aha! I fooled you, because it turns out there's a whole source of chairs you never even thought about. Wow, I'm losing my mind, Woody. You know that big plastic thing like the size of Australia floating in the ocean?

There's a smaller one about the size of Maine of just chairs floating out there. Just the whole chair is all tied together like a rat king. Damn you. I've got a question. Let me do a response. Let me talk about Squarespace. Yeah, this episode of PK is sponsored by our friends over at Squarespace.

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get the food you love fast at Postmates with code PKA. Yep, check them out. I use Postmates as well, although I can't even hold a candle to kyle's use that's fantastic it's it's really really great wonderful service i love it so much it's so convenient i i've always like loved delivery food like like in any capacity i grew up where it was not available right my my my childhood years, there was no delivery. No delivery.

That sucks. It was an impossibility, right? There was no one who delivered at all. No Pizza Hut, no Domino's, none of that. And now I live in almost an alternate reality where I can just open my phone and Postmates virtually anything right to my door. and Postmates virtually anything right to my door. You don't remember that feeling of how exciting it was when you were getting pizza

delivered and then you'd hear that rap, rap, rapping on the door and you run just to stand next to your parents while they're paying for the pizza just to be ready for it. There was nothing better as a kid than the pizza man showing up. You're describing a scenario that I have never once experienced in my life.

Oh. What? You never had pizza delivered? Oh, I guess never once experienced in my life. Oh. What? You never had pizza delivered? Oh, I guess they just didn't deliver to your house. They didn't go to his home. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

You had that feeling, right, Woody? Where, like, your parents would order pizza, and you'd be like, oh, hell yeah. And then you hear that knock, and you're like, man, tonight is a good night. And your dad would be like, this is not for children. No. Yeah, we had pizza as a kid, but not that often. You can eat the pizza that you bought, Matt. Get a job, kid.

Get a job. Dad, dad. You crawl into your room. Crawl into your room. Roll there! room roll there she poor little head trying to hold it up she's one pizza so uh oh go ahead i was gonna ask gritty the new flyers mascot the question really is thumbs up best mascot in hockey or best mascot in sports i would say best in hockey for sure yeah i do like the um i i'm so i don't i don't know any of the mascots that dance around like in the nfl or nba i know that i like the frenetic which is what they call them and it's always sunny because i can't say the fanatic you know uh and i like that guy because the philly fanatic associate him with with charlie

kelly but knowing that he's not actually a green man takes it away and i think it's more just me You know, and I like that guy because I associate him with Charlie Kelly. But knowing that he's not actually a green man takes it away. And I think it's more just me associating it with Charlie Kelly. So I'm going to go with him being the best mascot in all of sports. Now, did you know that Gritty can't skate very well? He ate shit on his first time trying to skate out there. He fell hard. Like 12 or 15 times.

Like he did like this hour longlong sort of meat gritty type he can't skate for shit he's a horrible ice skater well we had to pick a good actor and he doesn't imagine that someone went to hollywood or something thinking that they'd make it big they did like a couple clearasil, and now they're gritty. And every morning, or every time they get off the ice and they take off that insane thing, they're just a sweaty mess, re-evaluating their life, looking at the memes online, wishing that people knew the true thoughts

going on inside the mind of gritty. What's the mascot for the St. Louis Blues? Louie. Some polar bear. If you were asked would you be louis uh i mean that would be pretty funny it depends what i'd have to do as louis like if it was like you get to do it for like uh get really sad and feel really sorry for kids with cancer day like that would make me really upset so i wouldn't want to do that but if it was they put they put like some other asshole in the skate around and you shoot t-shirts into the stands and shit i'm i'm

in you're in now you there's not much of a career progression like you don't go from louis to goalie oh wait no this is my job now yeah oh you meant would you like do this for a day well you know what i would do it i would do it for one i would do it up until the capitals came to town and then as tom wilson skated onto the ice i would come out there you know it was in the warm-ups you know he goes on to his side of the ice i'll like start with someone else like ovechkin like kind of poke and prod out and make it clear this is all a big joke wilson comes around I've held a scimitar in my pants. I pull it out. Behead Tom Wilson as he's skating by. His lifeless corpse plummets. Everyone's shocked.

No one can believe what they've seen. Everyone on the blue side is secretly like, well done, eh? And then I just skate in. I try to flee. And I probably don't make it far because I'm in a bear costume. But it's well actually this has gone from a one-time job to prison so no i would not i would not do this sounds like something gritty would do i would only behead tom wilson with a scimitar if he put me in

a self-defense situation okay all right it's the only way i would do it i would never initiate anything with him because he would fucking murder me i just wondered if it would be worth it to you to have, you gotta show up to every game, you gotta come out and do the song and dance, but of course, like, you get to go meet the players, I'm sure, you get to feel up the Ice Girls because they're, you know... Possible to die because of those thick mascot hands? Yeah, yeah. You just see your actual real hand come through the paw, and then you pull it back you're like

your hand comes out of the paw you just like grope ass as you're like limp mascot yeah yeah you know you just you get away with that because you're an animal you know yeah yeah that no i would not take a job as a mascot it seems really degrading yeah yeah i've always a gritty tattoo i did i made a mistake what a mistake there is no that's like everybody you got a rick and morty tattoo like now they have to all just be like oh lord do i really want like well you have all the qualifications for this job mr Mr. Smithton, but I can't hire you. It says, wubba lubba dub dub, all up and down your right arm. Like, that's not what we're looking for here in our business culture.

Like, those are, what are the biggest mistakes other than things like. You know, PK A. Dan, you might remember PK A. Dan. He was on the show, a good episode. He has a Bart Simpson tattoo On his deltoid I think it's the equivalent of the Wubba dubba lub dub thing you're talking about That's not good

Bart Simpson on No women has gotten wet It even says something dumb Like eat my socks Or eat my shorts or something like that on it It's so bad. Oh, that would be like a trolling tattoo to get a picture of Bart Simpson and have it say,

eat my socks. Because people would be like, it's, it's eat my shirt. Why'd you, why'd you keep my people, you know, you know,

uh, you know, getting a terrible tattoo to own people. Yeah. That's what you, that's what you want to do with your life no no tattoos for me and certainly not any ironic tattoos that are an inside joke to people who watch the fucking cartoon network that's just you're a pathetic piece of shit if you have that tattoo like that's that's so that's so fucking like oh speaking of tattoos there was this, this adult woman. And like last week, a week before on Reddit, she kind of made the rounds because there's this video of her in her home allowing her nine-year-old son to be tattooed. And there are syringes on the table, like intravenous drug paraphernalia on the table.

And she's laughing it up. And the kid's laughing it up too. The kid's not crying or anything. He's getting this tattoo like on his upper arm like shoulder area Reddit of course is incensed they may as they should be they made a few calls it seems because today They've got her mug shot up, and she's all teary-eyed, and they're like we got her boys Like they're as proud of this as America was when we got Osama bin Laden Like they are hyped that they got this woman and took her down a peg

Osama would have never tattooed his own children to be fair no no that is that is uh what's the word for it uh haram ah yeah i was gonna say harem yeah yeah yeah yeah wait what is this i don't know but a harem is like that group of ladies you fuck yeah that i know but what's a haram what is this term i think sacrilege is like the muslim term for like you're not allowed to do that kind of like something not being kosher for jewish people sure okay but yeah i'd like i've even joked or not even joked i've been like yeah the flues want a stanley cup i'd get a tattoo and then like thinking about that really i'm like absolutely not it's an idle threat yeah yeah yeah there's no way well one they're not gonna win two like you wouldn't want that emblazoned on you like i think getting the tattoo some tattoos do look cool like they definitely do

i just i don't have enough faith that like i don't want to get a tattoo like use up some real estate and then see somebody else's tattoo and be like, God damn it. I could have had something cool like that. Now I've got a bunch of koi fish on my arm. Every so often I think about getting a tattoo, sometimes I even have an idea. Here's something that will always mean something to me. Inevitably, two or three years later, I don't care as much.

Yep. That's always what it is. I see the the family related ones i get those but yeah i don't know when people put like their like grandpa's date of death on their wrist or something it's like do you want to always be sad do you really want to do that like i got a portrait of when my mom hit a deer and it internally decapitated her and her limp fucking head hanging there, so I never forget

to have your headlights on bright on windy roads or whatever the fuck. You wouldn't actually want that. It won't save you anyway. It appears he was looking down at his warning tattoo when he ran into the man. Deer are known for not looking at headlights and standing right there, so brights will help you.

It's just your mom on your shoulder with her head like a Pez dispenser and tongue hanging out. Jesus Christ, that's disturbing. Yeah, I don't know. I've given a lot of thought to a lot of different tattoos, but I had a friend when I was maybe, I guess I was like 18, 19, and he was like three years older, and he was a really buff guy. Like he worked out a lot, had really big arms and shoulders. And he had a tiger, like a Bengal tiger on his, on his like shoulder arm chest area. It took up a lot of real estate. And it was mostly like the open mouth face of the tiger and like a paw. And thought it looked so cool but even then at like 19 i was like

i don't have the physique for this like like this this isn't gonna work out like it looks so badass because you've got like 30 inch biceps over there or something like like this i've had the same thing um benson henderson if people know the ufc fighter he has a tattoo of like wings on his back and they go from like lat to lat like his whole back is tattooed like he has a tattoo of like wings on his back and they go from like lat to lat like his whole back is tattooed like he has an angel's wings or something. And it looks really badass. But it probably wouldn't look as badass

on say a smoother white guy like me. I don't have the physique for it. You can't have that, Woody. You'd look dumb. Yeah. I wish we had a bet of some kind where the loser had to get a tattoo.

I think that'd be hilarious. That is one bet I will not be joining. I do not want a tattoo. I bet this pay-per-view does not hit four million. You see, I mean, I agree with you there. I went high.

Yeah. And you cheated what was the closest you ever came to a tattoo kyle like one that you almost you said you thought about it before never came at all close to actually doing it i just considered the you know the options and what were you like what was your like idea though that got you like the man that would be cool i didn't really have. I never really thought anything was very cool. My thing has always been that through time you change as a person. And I'm like, well, shit. I personally don't think that tiger's cool anymore. I thought it was cool at 19.

I don't think it's fucking cool anymore. I don't have a tiger on a third of my body right now. But over time, that's changing and and it would have to be something that like if you if i was in the marine corps i could totally see getting that you know like like like the the anchor thing or whatever it is or usmc or spqr or whatever stuff they have yeah or the slogan or you know that or something like that yeah you know something like that i could definitely see something about an organization that you had sort of devoted your life to, not YouTube. You know, something like that.

You don't want a gold play button over here? Dude, you say that. That literally was an appealing idea to me like five years ago. Yeah, it was like it's the YouTube. Not so much anymore. Now there's a lot of people with a million subs. But when I hit a million subs, it felt like I won an Oscar. Like,

like it was a, it wasn't a thing that a lot of people had done. I think maybe a hundred, you know, something like that. And, uh, it just,

you know, it was like, and for me it was like transformative. You know, I had gone from this really long drawn out, like computer architect type aspect of my career, software architect guy to something new and exciting and more liberating and the youtube play button and the success i had there meant a

lot to me and now reflecting on it it's a cool gig i think it's neat but it's not it doesn't define me we were we were talking about stolen valor a couple weeks ago and how you can get in trouble for dressing up like a military man and getting Starbucks discounts and such. Would it be stolen valor if you decided to get a ton of Marine-related tattoos? Never say that you were in the Marines, but make it very clear that, like, Marines, fucking First Division, make up

something. You know, like, get medals, like a Purple Heart or something. Like, do stuff like that, and then just reap the benefits of it. Now, is that only grossly immoral? I have to Google. I have to... Personally, I think it kind of is. It's definitely in bad

taste. No shit! What if you're just honoring someone who did earn that valor, right? Oh, fuck, Woody! You're perfect! That is perfect! You just go, oh, my grandpa was a Marine. He served in the war.

These are all of his specs. I'm paying respect to him. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Now I'm on the tattoo game. I'm paying respect to him. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Now I'm on the tattoo game. I'm going to get a lot of things. SPQR,

USMC, Anchor, Semper Fi, maybe like a Semper Fi, a gun, US Marine Game. Get the giant sword that they wear in their dress blues tattooed to your hip and leg. This whole area is going to be like a HD image of that guy

climbing a mountain with his saber out like the commercial. It's going to be dope. A full body paint butt tattoos of you wearing dress blues. This makes sense. That's painful. I don't want to do that.

I'll forever remove myself from black tie. Are they dressed greens? What does the Marine wear do they address they do they do blue they do blue all right i'm mixing up with the army then i think so but i don't know that would be uh i would say funny but not really because it's funny to think about though yeah i you should probably just not put anything military related unless you were you know in the military. What other, like if you were going to, okay, stolen valor not to do with the military. You're pretending to be something else now for a benefit.

What other occupations valor are you going to steal? Are you going to pretend to be a doctor when you're out at the bars just to pump yourself up? You got like a stethoscope tattooed around your neck. My idea changed like if you go back a bit right you know back all 15 years or so pretending to be an airline pilot was like the coolest gig in the world they they wore those badass uniforms i almost called them a costume they traveled the world you know they were like land stewardesses around the planet. Airline pilot was the coolest job on Earth. Practically heroes.

Just walking among us. Now, do people just think of them as highly trained bus drivers? No, I think it's a really cool job. They make six figures. They do have a really badass uniform.

Now I'm pretty sure they're like armed in the cockpit or something like that. The stewardess, you don't see a whole lot of hot stewardesses. Are they flight attendants now? I think they're flight attendants now. I agree. They used to be models. I mean, effectively models. Yeah, Hooters was going to have their own airline

with like big titty chicks serving you stuff, but I think it fell through. Hooters was going to have their own airline with big titty chicks serving you stuff, but I think it fell through. Hooters. But yeah, that fell through. I can't remember the last time, and I look, that I was on a flight and I thought there was a really attractive flight attendant. A lot of effeminate guys on there these days. A lot of old men, too. Yeah, you feel sorry for those guys.

Kind of like when the delivery man is 60 years old, and he's out of breath by the time he gets up my steep driveway, and he's got my tacos, and I'm just like, I tipped you online. You know about online, right, sir? He's like the waitress. I don't do online. I don't you online. You know about online, right, sir? She's like the waitress. I don't do online. I don't do email.

What do you mean you don't do email? You don't use email? Did you ever hear those stats where it's like some insanely high percentage of the U.S. still doesn't use the internet? There are millions and millions of people that just don't use the internet, and that blows my mind. Still living in, let's see, let me find it. I mean, when my dad finally got online, I felt like everyone must be online. Because I remember when I was a kid, and my mom would have her email open. And she'd get junk email, like spam email.

And it'd be like one sent you a a private message you know you'd get you get you get weird emails like that all the time and you open it up and it's like one's letting you know that you've qualified for a cruise for two to my dad's like who's one and my mom's like it's junk email he's like yeah it is some junk what kind of junk is this he's not following along he's not getting it he's not getting it at all and he's he's like are you blogging on there what are you doing like he's throwing around random words yeah right but now he's on his fucking smartphone. Picking up Tinder chicks.

I don't know how many dating websites the man's on. Way more than I'm on. He's got them all. He's on the ones where you pay, and he's figured out how to let... He's like, oh, yeah, we're going to cancel that next month anyway. The first month's $5. It's $20 after that. We'll just make a new account. And I'm like, this guy is two steps ahead something with older people there is a cutoff for people who

swipe their phone like this with my thumb i'm using people for audio listeners and then older people who do it like this with their pointer finger yeah like like moving like a page on like have you noticed that? That's a real generational thing. Older people do the hunt and peck shit. They don't just use their thumbs. Yeah, I think it's a coordination thing. Or is it a phone size thing?

Is it possible that older people are buying the extra large phones? Just throwing it out there. I mean, I'll help my dad text sometimes. And I'll look at the size of his texts and you have to like scroll down for one message it's like hey taylor would you like to meet up with me at subway for lunch or like whatever i so i'm on facebook now because paramotors are on facebook and uh so i use my phone more than I used to. And every so often I get to thinking that I'm good at typing with my thumbs and I'm just like blasting it out.

And then I see my daughter and see what good is actually like. And I'm sure there's plenty of you watching that are just as good. But my gosh, young people can go fast on that thing. I use Swype, so I'm pretty fucking fast. And if I'm driving, I use Speak to Text.

Is it called Swift or Swipe? I think Swipe is an onboard Android thing, but I think there's probably an app called Swift that I introduced you to six years ago or whatever that I'm a big fan of. It's more customizable. You can make it so there's a winter thing so that while you're swiping around there's like snowflakes popping off everywhere and

shit like there's all kind of customization with that with that program but uh or the app but speak to text works so good and that's what my dad uses and uh before his phone had that he would send me voice memos right and i loved it i loved it okay i love that i fucking loved it first of all voicemail is annoying i don't even have a voicemail set up because you gotta like call your voicemail and then like sometimes you're done with a message but you can't delete it until it's completely over like like the first three seconds of the message you're like ah i don't care i want to delete this i don't care what this person has to say from here on out or maybe you've already like met them and they've already told you this information it's useless information now

but with a voice memo it just pops up like a text and i can just play it instantly and there my dad is it's fucking like blah blah blah this and that happened and you know he might send me a two minute one or he might just send me a three second one that's just like yeah that works you know it's very efficient it's very effective i don't even have to look at my phone big fan of that i could deal with a voice memo if the person did it quickly and got to the point right i could deal with that if i'm like you know hey kyle it's woody yeah you might remember me from painkiller already unlike that other guy on there yeah yeah all right yeah yeah okay don't start that way i know you get to your point this

could be five seconds you gotta go quick yeah i like them i i'm glad my dad has like caught up 100 with technology because you know i can text him now i send pictures to him i send him links you know i showed him how to use links the other day because he hadn't he didn't i was like yeah it's blue so you could just like click it and it'll bam it'll take you right to wherever i'm trying to send you so i'll send him like crazy gifs from reddit or i'll send them like links to youtube videos you taught him how to click links you know how to click the links he just thought they were blue text you know he doesn't go to all he does on the phone is find women there's all these internet symbols like i don't know i like that his only online talent is getting fucked. I mean, if you could pick one, it's pretty high up there.

It is. That's pretty great. Like, his dick led him to be a bit more technologically savvy. It's funny, because my father, he's still married, but he was able to check his bank account and book vacations. That's what he does with the internet. So it's funny how necessity is the mother of study yeah i guess i don't know yeah absolutely like whatever you're into that that's what'll drag you forward uh

technologically speaking i guess but but my uh my dad has friends though and i see them operate their phones and i'm like ah this guy's not getting any he has not figured this out yet he does not know what's going on my dad will try to to be like, no, no, it's easy. You just do this and that. And they're like, I'll just keep going down there and buying whores or whatever those dirty old fuckers say. You know, it's just it's I think my my dad took my mom out on a date the other day. And and they he's got her in the car or whatever. And I think he went like a hot rod or something like that how's this work you know they're they're peaceable it's it's and and and he's like yeah i'll take you to dinner wait so they have they broken up before i want to say

they broke up they are 100 divorce yeah they're not together yeah is this their first divorce yes they've only had the one yeah did they have a separation and then get back am i making this up entirely they were on the rocks like years ago i think and it was iffy and uh but it didn't happen but then they actually got divorced maybe two three years ago and then they had that whole financial thing that i told you all about my sister and all that shit uh happened but now the divorce has been final. He paid her her monies. And she's very happy. And she's got herself a house and everything.

But yeah, he took her out on a date. And I think they were in the car together. And he got out of the car to do something. I think he went into a gas station. Or he went to go pee or something. And he got back in the car and she goes, take me home. And he's like, what? What happened? I wasn't even here. What happened? She's like, take me home. All right. All right. I'll take you home. I was like, what happened? She's like, she opened my phone.

give my phone I'm like you gotta lock your phone dad that's that's some day one shit you gotta lock your phone he's like have you had this problem before I'm like every man has had this problem before how do you not know this you lock that shit down even if the code is

111 like you gotta lock her down like make it the swipe thing and it's just up and down, a little pattern or something. Make it three knots! Make it like, bump-ba-da-dum-bump-bump-bump! Like, if you've got an android, do something! You gotta lock that bitch down, though!

Oh, man. He could've really had a nice, you know, reconciling dinner, and instead she got all... Well, did she think he was just gonna be chased the rest of his life? Who knows what she saw in there. It was probably like... He speaks with

a number of ladies. He's rather active on there. He handles his business. Those sites are addicting. There's a way to force the passcode entry. So on the iPhone, there's two ways to get in. There's a way to force the passcode entry So on the iPhone

There's two ways to get in There's a face ID And there's the touch ID Either of which In a scenario where I have you tied to a chair I could force you to do Or me and six guys could force you to touch your phone But

Or the police could point the phone at you Something like that But if you press the power button five times touch id stops working you have to enter the passcode or you hold the power and volume buttons together and it forces you to do the passcode and there's little backdoor things like that my phone has an sos feature where if i if i put a certain pattern on it it'll just immediately call 9-1-1 let them know I'm in trouble. There's cool shit like that. That's interesting. So your password is one thing, but you could

enter the wrong password and call 911. I think the way to do it, I don't remember exactly. I've seen it in the options, but I think maybe it's something I do with the power button or with the home screen button or something like that. If I do that, it's an S sos signal that

i've set up interesting speaking of that this sort of thing i guess we all got the presidential text message at 2 18 p.m yesterday yes i literally hit okay without even looking at it because i was like ah just an amber alert and like i didn't even know that that's what it was until i saw it on twitter people being like you know talking about it obviously yeah yeah i thought that was real cool um i i i i i was wondering because i don't really go online as like like to look at what other people think about politics and such it's it's you know it's a nasty place but i'm wondering if anyone thought that um you know had any issue with it any sort of yes oh i saw people like making hot takes like this this is going to be used to

to spread propaganda to the to the masses trump now trump can just force us to follow his messages and it's like are you retarded like you really think it's going to show up again it's going to go woo woo and it's going to show up i've never seen a thin person drinking diet coke it's like no no no this isn't going to happen like is that a trump thing i've heard that before yeah that was one of his his old tweets where he's like making fun of himself because he's fat uh but yeah like it's only going to be for emergencies yeah that i so i saw i have um mostly conservative friends on facebook my friends are paramotor pilots uh but i have a few liberals too and some of them were upset about it but i am saving my outrage for actually being misused yeah right like it just seems it seemed like a really

good idea for a system like that to be there 9-11 would have been a good time i don't i don't know how to phrase it exactly. Are countries under attack? That might cause a little panic. Yeah, or maybe, you know, like, we're looking for these guys. We're looking for this guy right here. Like, here's his picture. If you see him, call this number.

Call the FBI. Maybe the Boston bomber situation. You know, when we knew what these guys, eventually after Reddit had done their detective work, we figured out what these guys looked like. And it was like, hey, we're looking for these guys. There's our naive brothers. They might be in the Boston area. If you see them, call this number, et cetera. Maybe something like that.

Or maybe it's something like, maybe there's a biological attack. And it's like, shelter indoors. Don't go out. Don't take public transportation. Await further instruction. He could have a lot of good uses. Trump's not my guy, but I try not to be so brainless that everything he does is bad

to me. Yeah, I mean, he's done some good stuff. Look, he does stupid shit every week, right? But, I mean, like he said, he's defeated ISIS. The economy's booming. Job rates are up in all ways. he's done his campaign promises of putting conservative judges on the bench he's started building the wall he's done

his best to get that wall built and that korea shit's looking way better now like it seems like south korea north korea market like on a much better path to reconciliation like what i'm curious about when that is eventually remedied do you think they maintain like they become one korea or they like stay a north and south korea who are just like on non-warring terms like get rid of the dmz and everything super good question but my my knee jerk reaction was no they stay separate because they're economically unequal. And why would the South want to drag those guys along with them? Yeah. But then I was like, you know, that kind of existed in East and West Germany too.

And they joined because they were culturally a match and just kind of belonged together. But I would think that it'd be like... For the last 50 years, these guys have been separate. The East and West German thing wasn't quite as long. How long was it? 35 years? What was it? From 45 to 89. Okay. It's a pretty serious amount of time.

I don't know. I feel like they're different. I feel they're so different now. They even look different. They're different groups of people. They're differently minded with the communism thing and the uh and the democracy thing and south korea a lot of parallels to east and west germany here south korea's boom there are a lot of parallels definitely i think because it's such a big thing for north korea being like one korea we're going to be a one korea again like that's one of their points

like i think that that's going to be like a sticking point for them is like becoming one Korea. I don't know. I don't know who would rule it, but I, I know, or I would suspect that Kim Jong-un knows that his whole empire over there is on its last leg,

that this communism thing they're doing and all the fucking, like, it's not going to end up panning out. Like he knows he's got to enter the modern world of commerce and everything. If his people aren't going to all starve to death. I think there's an 80% chance you're right, and there's a 20% chance that I don't believe anything they tell me about North Korea.

There's a 20% chance. I'm just like, I don't get it. They say they're all starving that 80% of the population is in prison camps, and that King Jong-un just kills people non-stop for no reason whatsoever, and I'm just like, I don't know. Dennis Rodman told me he's a great guy

they went on jet skis together exactly dennis rodman is a great source for information when he's not slurring his words from an incredible amount of alcohol he's not the only one who says it's great kim jong-un said it too he says it many times ask anyone that's a collaborating witness i like and that haircut like It says trust to me. It does. He looks like the guy from Babylon 5. Three people get that reference, but he does. A hundred people have heard, whatever.

I've said my rant a hundred times on the whole, you know, he's a madman, etc. I get very distrustful you know when um when i start hearing that this place is hell on earth and everything about it is awful and they only operate with evil motives i think i maybe they do that oh they you're totally right like i don't think north korea is a nice place to live by any stretch of the imagination but i don't think it's as bad as we are led to believe. Like it's still terrible. There's probably a lot of farmers barely impacted by communism, just doing their thing.

And when they get a new government, they'll barely notice the change. Maybe. Maybe show that, show that to the audience. I fucking nailed that reference. And I knew that it was so good that someone else must have done it before. Just like the guy from Babylon.

That is a really good reference i wish i see babylon 5 super obscure i haven't even seen babylon 5 that's how good i am at references that's impressive like they they do that with every single nation though like oh we're fine with saddam and then he becomes like bloodthirsty like eating children madman oh we're we're fine with gaddafi then he's mr madman crazy guy oh we're fine with asad then he's you know just like shoving gas canisters into children's mouths for fun and then like the russians like gorbachev was pure evil and didn't and then he suddenly became like a reasonable trading partner now that madman from last week we had a nice 30 minute talk He's on the mend Like now he's ready to trade

Yeah it happens again and again So I just don't trust it You've used this exact same strategy on me 12 times in my lifetime Like fool me once Shame on you Fool me 11 times Shame on me

Yeah start one war on faulty information Shame on me Start 15 wars on faulty information shame on me start 15 wars on yeah shame on us frankly but yeah we i just need to stop we need to stop falling for the madman uh thing when they're trying to get us to go to war i'm with you on that we need some aliens to fucking kill i'm telling you i've said it before i'll say it again if we had some green men to fucking stomp out it would unite this whole planet you wouldn't be worried about whether someone was black brown yellow red or white because there'd be a green motherfucker that's not even from here and there's no fucking uh group to defend them there's no they got no

acronym uh society to to protect their asses you can go full species on those green pieces of shit, those reptilian fuckers that are coming down from planet 8174B. And it doesn't matter. You can make crazy cartoons of them and put them on posters. You can be like, they're naughty. You can take those insect people and make them look unattractive. You can do whatever you want to them. You can torture them. You can fucking burn them people and make them look unattractive. You can do whatever you want to them. You can torture them.

You can fucking burn them alive in the streets. Well, they're going to want a war with us if this happens. But my question is, what if they show up and they look a ton like Chinese people? Like just happenstance of the universe. They show up and they even talk like even like oh we don't know you already arrived why you not send message like oh no we've been here a whole time like there's no way you're not from psych one three you're from psych one three we've been from psych one three we've never been here we know you different oh we call this china like oh we stay in china you you rule this

whole place no not even close a lot of white folk folk, Mexican folk, we don't care for them anymore. That's what it would be. And then we'd all have to gang up against the newfound Chinese alien alliance. And that is what I'm pitching next week to Pixar. I think they'll pick it right up. I like it. I'm more interested in this than I am in

Infinity War 2. Or of the world. It's not that they have similar ways of speaking. It's identical. It's very confusing. The whole movie. They're flying their spaceship with a goddamn abacus. They're absolutely just Chinese aliens.

All right. I like that. I like that. You guys invent one out of the first two on your guys on your world yeah yeah we do that too you stay like if you have a problem we'd have to wipe all the we'd have to wipe them all out i mean the aliens would give them high tech technology and we'd all have to band together to fight off the aliens and the chinese who would have already had the infrastructure and everything ready for like assault and whatnot this you know i don't i don't have very high hopes for the rest

of the world versus china and aliens depending on how powerful i like to think that like they played this game of civilization by focusing all their efforts on one line on the tech tree like they've got interstellar travel but they suck at pottery and gunpowder social skill no reason shut up spit on the ground and walk away from me so we actually have a shot at them all they could do is arrive here yeah there's a um what's that there's a there's a i think it's a mini series called alien nation and the premise is this giant spacecraft shows up, I think, over Los Angeles. I mean, it's enormous. And it turns out that it's a slave ship.

And all of the aliens on it are slaves. I think they had overthrown their masters, who were like the real overlord type aliens. And we have to integrate all of these slave aliens into our society. all of these slave aliens into our society. And it's sort of meant to sort of mirror the racism that we're actually seeing in our society with this influx of new people and their different weird ways and how that would work. So, you know, one of them becomes a cop

and it follows several of these aliens. And they're pretty alien looking, you know, they're bipedal like two arms two legs But they got like this big melon of a head with spots on it and like their erogenous zone isn't on the front It's on the back. So like a back massage to them is like finger banging them or something like that But they don't mind the front that's like a back massage to them and it's so funny to see the dynamic between like the Human and the female alien. He's like you want to back her up? She's like a back massage to them and it's so funny to see the dynamic between like the the the human and the female alien he's like you want to back her up she's like no

we aren't there yet and he's like what about your front she's like hmm yeah whatever it's pretty fun what was the show called uh alien nation i think alien nation i want to say i haven't seen it a long time it's probably pretty fucking dated by now it looks like shit but when I saw it it looked fine I hope we get to see aliens in my lifetime I hope that would be incredible to meet up with some intelligent

alien life that could be either incredible or really really terrible either way I'm up for a change dude anyone if they're advanced enough to fly here on like interstellar space travel and all that like that's the same as us finding a new planet and being like look at this there's just it's just nothing but a bunch of cats i guess well i guess we're gonna take it over why what should we do with the cats i don't care kill

them and make them into scarves whatever like. We'd look at it the same way. They're going to show up and be like, they're Pyramid? They're really proud of that? Jesus Christ. And then they'd massacre us. You would hope not. I've heard a lot of really smart people talk about

what would happen and what the idea... I've heard Stephen Hawking talk about it. I appreciate the compliment. And Neil deGrasse Tyson. And then I've heard some fools talk about it. Hey. Sort of embarrass themselves. But no, I don't care.

I don't care if they want a war or if they want to, like, give us technology. I just want it to happen. I'd be down either way, right? And I'd like to imagine i that that you know like the little dicky song like would they just please wipe us out we'll be like or would they be like damn earth go hard like maybe they've been living like a peaceful pussy existence for their entire evolution and the and the whole warfare thing doesn't even occur to them and they come down here and maybe they don't even have a weapon. They have no weapons

whatsoever. They don't even have sticks. And we just beat the shit out of them and take all their technology. That'd be great! I mean, that would be ideal. But they'd also probably, like, have the capacity to build weapons. Oh, they wouldn't figure it out by the time... We're wet! We just...

GTA, motherfucker, and take their spaceships away from them? Well, they're going to send more. They're going to go, hey. Bring it. They'll have crossbows by the time they get here, maybe. I don't know. There's no way to know, but we are a race of people, a species of people that are about warfare.

It is in our blood 100 none of us me you or woody we wouldn't be here if our ancestors hadn't went to fought infinite a number of wars throughout time whether you're talking about world war one or world war two or or the the the war of the of the cave clans in the year pro magnums right yeah like there was there was definitely a point there was definitely a point where like there was a cave over there and our people were in this cave and there was there was definitely a point there was definitely a point where like there was a cave over there and our people were in this cave and there was only one fucking source of water and we killed them all with clubs and rocks and now that's our water so we got to pass our genes on and that's why you and i and woody exist because our ancestors were the biggest baddest smartest motherfuckers that existed in the valley so they were able to wipe out all of

the crow magnons or the the the hobbit people or or any other group of humans or monkeys or apes or wolves or saber-toothed tigers or whatever they had to fight off and and kill to get here we we're about as millions of years have led to us yeah we are the coolest species on earth and it's not even close like if they were cool like if aliens showed up and they were doing like a stack ranking a power ranking the ap top 25 of species on this new planet we're taking we're at we're the alabama we're roll roll tide we're alabama of of the you know college football world in terms of animals. We're number one. It doesn't even get close. AP, coaches poll, everything. And it looks like the AP poll, where it's like 62 votes for one Alabama.

Oh, one alien chose sharks, and that's it. Okay. Well, that's it. What would come second? Oh, an octopus. That's neat. It changes color. Yeah, a dolphin maybe.

It depends what they value. Like, what if they just think that flying is neat? The ants outnumber them 50 to 1. Like a million to 1. If you value athleticism, some of those sea creatures are pretty awesome.

We can fly. We can go to space. We can launch things five, six times the speed of sound. We can blow up an entire continent. We are it. We're it. We can make flat screen TVs. And that's what would happen, by the way.

If they show up with some pussy shit, if they come down here and they're a bunch of fucking pussy ass amphibious creatures and they're walking around with big globes of water on their head we're gonna wipe them the fuck out they see a sword and they're like what's that? they see a gun and they have

no concept, well we use it to fire projectiles at our enemies at three times the speed of sound and it just destroys them and they're like what's an enemy? that doesn't work in the universal translator, what is enemy? and they're like oh what's an enemy? That doesn't work in the universal translator. What is enemy? And they're like, oh, we're going to show you. You are my enemy. But if they travel to here,

we are so uninteresting to them. Like, if we went to Mars and there were only ants there, when humans traveled from place to place, they didn't stop and try and communicate with ants on the edge of Portugal. They just said, ah, there's nothing here. This place, bullshit.

That's what they would do to us. They'd be like, oh, they communicate by meat flapping and saliva in their mouths? This is disgusting. They don't even have radio clickers in their brains or telepathy or however it is that they communicate. And they would just find us completely uninteresting and wipe us out the way that we do routinely.

What if they're here? I heard this proposed recently, right? Now, what if they're here already? I like this. So if there was like a superhighway or city emerging next to an anthill, that anthill would barely even understand that cool shit is happening around them. They don't get it. Their world is so small. They don't see

what's happening. There could be some fourth dimension. There could be something that these big guys exist in, and we are just dumb ants who don't understand the wavelength that they operate on. That could be, but they're probably not able to see us either. I definitely believe in trans-dimensional beings.

I think that there are many infinite universes stacked right on top of and within one another. And every possibility that there is exists in those. There's an infinite number of them. And that if we could pierce that veil, we could go to one of them. You ever see the TV show Sliders? I've seen Rick and Morty. It's Rick and Morty. I've seen Sliders, too.

Yeah, Sliders was garbage. It was pretty bad. It was. I liked it at the time. I was a kid, though. Basically, in Sliders, this guy has this little remote control, and he goes, boop, and a portal opens up, and he's able to go to another dimension that's always very much like the Earth he lived on in most ways, but everything's a little different. He goes to one, and he's able to go to another dimension that's always very much like the earth he he lived on in most ways but everything's a little different he goes to one and there's like

nazis have had one world war ii and he goes to another and it's like everything's the same except his girlfriend's black or whatever like it's always just a little tweak here and there they never go to the universe where like the earth just isn't there and i'll fucking die of course you know they go to one and they never know how long they're going to be there. There's a timer on the thing. They're like, ah, we're here on Wild West Earth for the next seven days.

Better integrate into society, I guess. And it's like, no, fucking hide out. Why don't you carry a backpack full of water? They usually need to get some supplies, get some food. They don't have money. They'll break their fucking gadget, and they've got to find some medieval fucking thing. Oh, my God.

You'd think they'd treat that gadget more carefully, right? Put it in a carrying case like you use your iPhone. A lanyard. Have you never seen a lanyard? Have you never played Wii before? You can't just be swinging the fucking portal gun around everywhere. This is an iPhone that your life depends on, and you don't get a case for fucking portal gun around this is an iphone that your life depends on and you don't get a case for it the fuck was absurd yeah so they would have to

go in society and look for like a capacitor or something but no and that never happened in advanced earth it always happened in like wild wild west earth yeah taylor i want to say and i could be wrong about this the guy who plays gim Gimli, main character on this show. Really? I think you're right. Yeah. The guy who plays Gimli is a main character. He's a big fella in real life. Beard, very deep voice, kind of operatic in appearance. And then there was a

black guy. And then there was the main white guy who invented the gadget. Yeah, good looking guy who seems like the guy from Ozark, but isn't. He seems to me like the guy that played Superman in The New Adventures of Lewis and Clark on TV. The Dean dude?

Yeah, Dean something or another. Is that him? He seems chunkier than that guy. I don't know. I'm going to look this up. Sliders is like old-school Fox show that was mediocre at best, but I think it went on for like five seasons.iders i've never even heard of it so i mean it took me to like a bunch of little hamburgers it ran from 1995 jerry o'connell jerry o'connell that's the guy yeah five seasons of

this shit uh it's a little bit like quantum Leap in some ways, I guess. It's even listed here. And there was a girl, too. Yeah, John Rhys Davies played Professor Maximilian Arturo. I have a whole new topic, a debate topic kind of thing. Oh, we're not going to do sliders for another 40 minutes? I was hoping 50. Are there more people in the world who can dunk a basketball

on a regulation hoop or hit a home run in a major league ballpark i thought you were gonna say are there more people in the world than there are stools yeah and here it is so the there's some i mean they lay out some of the debate i'm seeing online the rules are as many dunk attempts as you want until you get exhausted and as many swings as you want until you get exhausted. The pitch is a batting practice pitch, like 70

miles an hour groove right down the middle, and a wooden bat, which I guess makes it tougher. One guy says a dunk in basketball, it's not even close. Every culture dunks, but swinging a hunk of wood at a ball is unique. Seemed like a powerful argument.

But then I heard the other side. I consider myself an athletic person, he's writing, but I have a 0.00% chance of dunking a basketball, which is where I am. Zero. But whatever slim chance I have of hitting a home run, it's over zero, and he thinks there's a lot of people in that boat. And yeah, I suck at hitting a home run it's over zero and he thinks there's a lot of people in that boat and yeah i suck at hitting a baseball but if i had unlimited tries it seems like you get it you would get it by the second day like like it's not that hard first of all the power required to hit

a baseball 300 feet isn't that extreme all right i can do it i've done it it's it's it's not crazy like as a kid like i mean using a bat, I could hit him 265. I was a fucking child, right? So I guarantee we all certainly have the power to do it. And if the ball's, especially if you're using, like, a pitching machine, something super consistent, you just pick it up after a while. It's a bit of timing. And, you know, you could even go, ka-chunk.

All right, cock, run, bend. All right, I got it. You get the timing after. I don't know how much time. It'd vary for everyone, right? bit of timing and you you know you could even go you could chunk all right cock run then all right i got i got you get the timing after and i don't know how much time it'd vary for everyone right it wouldn't be a ton i think it'd be like 10 10 it might be a hundred foul balls oh you'd start hitting you'd be hitting fouls right away it's it's you know but the home run is much easier than the dunk i can i can jump in and like slap the rim um you can than the dunk. I can jump in and slap the rim. You can slap the rim? Yeah, I can touch the rim with my fingers.

I don't mean a big deal. I can hit the net, probably. Okay. That's about where I go, I think. I think my arms are longer and maybe I'm an inch taller too. An inch or two, yeah. I could always jump and touch the rim. I can't grab onto it.

I can touch it. The answer is definitely baseball. The home runs. Think about the average height of someone in Asia, Africa. Pretty much the whole world. How many super jumpers are there out there? Not that many.

But they might be less fat. I imagine they're having this conversation on a Chinese pie. Think about the average fat of a American. I think Chinese accent is so bad. Oh, he think he sound Chinese. Oh, tell you what,

but another hypothetical, what happened? Aliens show up, look just like American, like a white man. They go ahead to make alliance with white men. We have to go after them. You think we can take U.S. and Aryan?

No fucking way, man. No Aryan for me. I think they got- They turned into chowards? They turned Mexican. Yeah, and then- Yeah, I know. This is a very multicultural podcast.

I agree, man. The whitey and the alien, no chance, man. Oh, I concur. Wey and the Alien, no chance, man. Oh, my God. All right. I concur. We have all the means of production. That's not fair. Speaking of racist radio shows.

So I got a new debit card. And when I did that, the things that were tied to my old debit card all got cut off. Right. I like this. I change debit cards a couple times a year. It refreshes things because you never know what you've forgotten about. There was one point where I've been paying for Cinemax for three years or something. I've never watched Cinemax. Spotify has to re-earn their fee. Exactly. And so my XM radio got turned off. And I noticed that immediately because I'm in the car all day. Well, I'm kind of lazy and there is no hold service worse than Sirius satellite radio. You deal with an Indian person whose name you can't pronounce and they have a script. So you know

that nothing they say is heartfelt or even real. You could be like, yes, sir, how may I help you today? And you could be like, ah, I'm trying to build a time machine in my garage, and I want to put XM in that. Could you help me with the flux capacitor? And they are going to say, yes, sir, I can absolutely help you with that problem today. Can I just get your eight-digit pin code? No matter what you say, they are going to tell you that they can help you with the problem. So them saying it is just them wasting your goddamn time. So I put it off. I didn't want to call them and deal with that.

I turned it on today, but for three days, I was on FM radio. And I like talk radio. I don't love music. So I'm scanning around with the knob trying to find talk radio. I get on 106.7 or something it's conservative local atlanta talk radio and i'm like ah let's give this a whirl this guy was so fucking offensive i was turned off i was so turned off this guy was so hardcore conservative an offensive podcast off this guy was so hardcore conservative you wrote an offensive podcast oh my god i was offended he he's he's like he's like she said she only had one beer i'd have to have a case to to fuck that

ugly that ugly girl you know like talking about the the the kavanaugh thing it sounds like reasons political discussion they're talking about yeah right there and like callers would call in and they'd be like redneckscks, and they would say things like that, like, have you seen that girl with them Coke bottle glasses? I wouldn't touch that with a 10-foot pole. This man's a QB of the

football team. You telling me he can't do better than that? And they're just, they're laughing at this, like belly laughing while they're calling this lady ugly on the radio. And then he's like, you know, we got a bit of a problem on here. They're going to cut us off the air any day now,

probably turn it into a Mexican channel. And then all of a sudden, mariachi music starts playing. He goes, hola, welcome to 106.7. All day today is Enrique Iglesias, back to back to back. Arriba, arriba, arriba. Andale, andale, andale. I'm just like.

It seems a little ham-handed. And they say, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. And he's fucking like doing this super racist Mexican voice like I'm just down doing. And it's just going off. Hey, we cannot pass judgment on silly voices. I refuse to be a party to that. I'm like, I gotta go back to Rush Limbaugh,

the voice of reason. It was absurd. So you get your serious back. You're like, alright, I'll deal with the whole time. Yeah, I go to CNN now and it's like, well, they're making some fucking sense over here. Alright. Jesus Christ.

That's hilarious. Sounds like my Facebook feed. Like you were talking, dude, I have so many conservative friends on Facebook passing like fake pictures of Ford back when... She looks 11 in these shots. Her ear book wasn't even color. Why do you think she has that?

You're froze for me. I don't know if you can hear me ah there it goes i'm back okay sorry about that there are two fake pictures of ford the kavanaugh accuser um whose case is being torn apart by the day um out there they are completely fake one of them is the color photo of a very blunderunder year. Blunder year. Oh, we lost Kyle again. Kyle, I don't know if you can hear me. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Blunder year, lost you at that.

It's a subreddit, the blunder year thing. She's looking really bad. Her hair's really curly and messy and she's got these Coke bottle glasses and braces. That ain't her! That is not her. Now, I'm not saying she was a looker but that is not her then there's another photo that person whose photo is out there getting ripped on but it's like some ladies out there like i don't even i don't know any of these people like i'm just getting made fun of the other one and and this is conservatives going the on the ops on the

complete opposite end of the spectrum. Damn it, Kyle. Yeah, this is not normal for Kyle. There you are. Yeah, what the fuck? Here, try again. On the opposite end of the spectrum. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there's a nude photograph that they say is her. Also not her.

She does not look that good. That lady has crazy face, by the way. I watched. The real one? Yeah. Crazy face. Crazy face, by the way. I watched The real one? Yeah. She's got crazy face. She looks demented. And that's just that has nothing to do with politics whatsoever.

Like she could be Kavanaugh's wife or she could be like a staunch conservative. I don't see it. To me, I try not to just look through the blue lens, but she looked really credible to me. Now, I get that there's very little proof aside from the medical records, and I don't think that you...

And the medical records aren't proof. They haven't been released to the public or anything, and they don't mention anything to do with Kavanaugh at all. They just describe. She says it's Kavanaugh. I mean, it depends on whether you think she's credible or not. She says a lot of it, but... See, this is something like...

Oh, no, go ahead. Finish your point or not anyway I don't know that you hold back Kavanaugh if you don't have more proof than she's offered right a lot of them are ripping apart the fact that she's missing a lot of details but I thought about this my high school graduation party I think I had like one beer

I was there with my girlfriend at the time and I was more into her than I was like getting drunk and like being stupid or something. I had a girlfriend. I didn't look like an idiot in front of her. And I couldn't tell you where that party was. I remember it was at a friend's house I barely knew. His parents had this theory that if the graduation party was at his house, then he was safe. And everyone was allowed to sleep over, so people brought tents.

I honestly don't remember if I slept over or not. I think I did. See, alright, let me jump in here because I have the opposite. Let me describe my junior prom, which is I was 15,

I stayed at Erica's house. I can list you eight or nine people who were also there. I can tell you exactly what I drank. I was drinking Mike's Hard Lemonades. I was drinking Absolute Vodka that had been poured into a slushie machine. There was a red and a blue side. I chose red, and I drank a tall Budweiser in a can.

I got so—that was the first time I drank to excess. And yet, while I was vomiting vomiting upstairs i keenly remember to this day that i used erica's toothbrush to wipe the vomit smell out of my mouth brushed my teeth with a toothbrush then i dried it with a towel after i rinsed it so sorry erica would know yeah she doesn't see i am i have if i needed to prove that that all that happened i know her father's name he saw me six years later and recalled the entire event because he came into the bathroom, saw me wasted, and brought me Sprite

and crackers. This isn't like a... I know that my girlfriend was mad that night because of a joke I had made in the limo. I can tell you what the joke was and what it was insensitive about. I can tell you that she slept in Erica's room that night

She left early the next day for a speaking engagement I can tell you that she won first prize and if I heard the speech again, I could quote it I could do that too with various parties Remember a Monday night football and I could tell you where I drank and who I went with and things like that They're all missing the point here You guys are describing times where you were at parties or get-togethers the whole point is that she was molested or she claims she was molested at this event and she doesn't remember a single detail that could prove or disprove her story other than definitely cavanaugh did it i know i had one beer i don't know where it happened i don't know who

was there i don't know what year it was i don't know who drove me home after this event my best friend does not corroborate my story none of the witnesses I've brought forward have corroborated my story. The only thing that people keep going back to, it's gone so far ridiculous that they're saying things like, oh, he threw ice in a bar. Oh, did you know, he said that he likes beer. He said he likes beer 10 times after being asked 10 times how much he likes beer. Why is he talking about beer so much when he's asked like like it's gone so far down this lane because there is no evidence of this like like it's blowing my mind how many people are like saying and another thing i did like i've noticed as like a piece of like messaging that the that the media has put in is using the term credible saying this

is a credible allegation well what does that? How is something credible if no details have been proffered to you? Let's talk about Ramirez. She's changed multiple times the number of people she claims was there. It's gotten to the point where it's like they're going to these desperate measures because they have no facts. The thing they're using, the, oh, she was in therapy for this or that, if she was molested, that sucks. That happens.

That could have happened. But to make the leap that, oh, it's this guy. It's Kavanaugh. He must have done this. It's insane. Let's talk about Ramirez for a second. I don't want to switch yet. I think we painted her as not remembering anything, but I think instead what's

happened is they've kind of zeroed in on the things that she didn't remember. She's like, Brett and Mark were visibly drunk. It was early in the evening. I went up a narrow set of stairs from the living room to the second floor to use the restroom. When I got to the top of the stairs, I was pushed from behind from the bedroom, pushed into the bedroom, across from the

bathroom. I couldn't see who pushed me. Brett and Mark came into the bathroom and they locked the door behind them. There was music playing in the bedroom. What song was it? I don't know. There's a she! I was pushed onto the bed by Brett and he got the door behind them. There was music playing in the bedroom. What song was it? I don't know. There's a she! I was pushed onto the bed by Brett and he got on top of me. He began running his hands over my body and grinding into me.

I yelled, hoping someone downstairs would hear me and I tried to get away. His weight was heavy. She said this was a small grouping. This was not a big rager or a big party. Small group. He groped me. I had a hard time because he was very inebriated and I was wearing a one-piece bathing suit under my clothing, which I guess was kind of grope-proof.

I thought he was going to rape me. I tried to yell for help. He put his hand over my mouth to stop me from yelling. This is what terrified me most and has the lasting impact on my life. It was hard for me to breathe. I thought he was going to accidentally kill me. Anyway, it goes on and on. The point is –

No one corroborated a lick of that is what I'm saying. That's only her hearsay. The people that she said, hey, my best friend saw this. I'm not saying that uncorroborated allegations like this should go anywhere. Not just uncorroborated, unverifiable. Unverifiable. You mentioned a narrow staircase and that the room was across from the bathroom. Anyone could say that when you don't know where the house is if she knew where the house was we could go

there and and they could show look at the narrow staircase and you'd be like oh shit if i heard that i would be on her side so if she knew where the house was even i'd be like well this is something look at that that is a narrow staircase there is a bedroom across from the bathroom there let's see who owns this house let's track them down. She doesn't even know whose house it was. So I heard stats lately, right? That like 2% to 8% of these rape allegations or sexual assault allegations are straight up false. Untrue, right?

That they didn't even happen. But there's another like 20% to 30% that are unverifiable, right? So one might guess that 2% to 8% of those are also straight up. I saw something that even that was low, but like, we'll go with that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But it's just the nature of this is unverifiable, but for whatever reason, people also hang on to it and say that like, you should be busted for this, right? Like if I stole, uh, I don't know, a hundred dollars from Taylor 35 years ago, he wouldn't be like, that guy, I have no proof of this.

I'm not going to say it. But he wouldn't like hang on to it. He'd just sort of get over it. But with sexual assault, you don't just get over it. You hang on to it. Yeah, of course not. So I feel like that lends itself to people like I guess bringing up or hanging on to more unverifiable crimes than well it's because it's an emotional thing like yeah there's no crime more abhorred by society than sex crimes

like like if someone comes out i'd rather i'd rather be accused that's why i like the whole rape culture thing makes me laugh it's like no no i'd rather i would rather be accused of murder than rape i would rather someone say you murdered five people than say you molested someone like i would rather that because society has less hatred for a murderer than a rapist like like the problem with all this is her like they all started using the word credible almost in unison this is a credible witness this is very credible despite there not being any evidence it's just devolved into slandering this dude of, Oh,

he drank in college. Oh, he threw ice at someone in a bar once. Oh, he's, he's like, he's like, I've seen like tweets from blue checkmark,

actual journalists. Like he's clearly got an alcohol problem. Oh, he's got a rage problem. Oh, he's so partisan. Really? He didn't have a problem with Bader Ginsburg or,

you know, Kagan or any of those people make an anti-Trump claim.trump claims so whatever whatever about that like of course he's in a rage he's furious that's the appropriate response to be an incredible description and argument was also a big deal when clinton was being accused by everyone like sometimes the accusers a lot of details they're not a lot of details well on some a lot of verifiable some but on others it was like who is this wacko and then then some, it was like, they seem very credible. Juanita Broderick was very credible, but there were others where it seemed like...

I'm only bringing that out because you were like, oh, in unison, the media got together and started colluding in unison, saying that she was credible. Nah, credible's just a thing they say about witnesses. I found it interesting that Juanita Brown described after Bill Clinton raped her as she was leaving, I guess her

lip was bruised and he told he said put some ice on that lip babe and uh and so I heard them making note of that after they gave Kavanaugh shit about apparently throwing ice in a bar they're like we've got a big problem with Kavanaugh throwing ice in the bar they have no problem with Bill Clinton telling his rape victim to put some ice on her lip um and then pretty caring rapist i'll say i guess so today i heard um the republican the republican senators um were speaking live today on on um because the fbi report came back and there was no corroboration of course with with anything that she'd ever said and uh they pointed out some media bias he, I've had protesters in my office, in the building, all week. Pro-Kavanaugh and anti-Kavanaugh.

He says, you guys in the media, I would never use the word fake news. I think you guys are the defenders of democracy. You keep things... Who's speaking in this? One of the Republican senators. I don't know if it was Hatch or who. You keep things... Who's speaking in this? One of the Republican senators.

I don't know if it was Hatch or who, but he said, you specifically went out and only, you said that you would only do interviews with those that were anti-Kavanaugh. You refused to take any interview from anyone who was pro-Kavanaugh.

I watched you do it. We all saw it happen. We know you're doing it. I hate that. And the Ramirezirez ramirez came out she said that that kavanaugh was the coordinator of gang rape parties she said that she saw that was the third one ramirez was the second i think i think ramirez is the gang rape one the third one said he pulled his dick out and waved it around in a party oh i thought that

was ramirez and the other one go ahead i. I want to say, in any case, she's, at this point, she's in college. She's at high school gang rape parties. And I do mean parties because she said she went to ten of these gang rape parties. She kept going back and watched, she said that she saw

with her own eyes him drug and spike the punch with drugs and alcohol to knock women out and then and then coordinated these gang rapes she's completely backed off that now now her pitch is well i saw some guys outside of a bedroom no i never saw him actually put anything i know i never actually saw him but he had to be there like it completely like melted out i hope she gets sued because it's clear that she's she made the whole thing up and what that was what is a college student that porn lawyer was was

apart what is a college student doing at a high school party that she knows is a gang rape party and she's at her eighth well i'll see you guys next week at the ninth gang rape party if i told you that i did that and she her reason of course she says was research she was researching gang rape parties if i told you that when i was in college if i'd gone and i spent i went to 10 gang rape parties but just for research purposes what would you think of me this is a party where you might have sex with 10 women at once? No. This is a party where someone is drugging women, and when they're unconscious, we all rape them. But I'm putting you in her shoes, right? So you have an opportunity to fuck six, seven women.

I would say— No, that's absurd. No, no, no, no, no, no. What are you doing? What are you doing? No. Because that's the situation she's in, where she goes and maybe has sex with six or seven guys Flip it

No, she gets raped She's the one who might get drugged and raped I might go to a party like that It was sweat neck by the way Let me do an ad read But I'm the girl in this situation It's just a lot of Because that I'm not saying I this situation. It's just a lot of...

Yeah. I'm not saying I want to be one of the rapists because that's not her situation. But if it's a rape party, then you're going to be a rapist or a rapee, right? Well, I mean, am I 17? Because I'd have

done anything to get laid. And if it was six women potentially raping me, it's just a dream come true. This is going to come out when you're 80, when you're running for office. Is this the man we want on our Supreme Court? He has no experience, but that's not what we're upset about. Well, when it comes to your health, brushing your teeth is one of the most important parts of your day. Quip knows that. They've combined dentistry and design to make a better electric toothbrush.

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and a unique energy blend that's complete with taurine and B vitamins. Close your eyes, take a sip, and enjoy Espresso Monster today. I'm a big fan of these. Ever since they started sponsoring us here, every time I go to the gas station, I usually get two. And I'm going to tell you, if you drink two of these things, you are really wired. And caffeine doesn't really affect me that much. I drink several cups of coffee a day normally, but I've kind of replaced it with these. And they're powerful. I like them a lot.

They taste fantastic. I love them. Yeah, big fan. I'm not even a big coffee person, honestly. But these taste great. Yeah. Yeah, I really enjoy them. Have you got some bigger cans?

Oh, Taylor, why don't you go? No, no, no. Go ahead. Did you have some? Sure. I'm betting yours is better. Who would win in a paintball match, a team of Navy SEALs or a good paintball team? Paintball team.

Absolutely. They would wipe the floor with them. I'm sometimes almost irritated By people who are like I'm a guy in the army I'll be awesome at paintball No the priorities are different You have to really work on not getting shot

In the army It's essential In paintball If you can trade four lives for one Hit it do it That's a great trade In the Marines, like, the Marines, it's not like, alright, as soon

as I blow the whistle to initiate the Battle of Fallujah, you're gonna run up as far as possible. Take cover only when you get as far as possible. Like, everybody's just sprinting, getting mowed down. You're gonna be in the back. Now, I hope you've been practicing your finger movements, because I'm gonna need you to be laying down cover fire and dumping paintballs in your gun simultaneously.

Now, you're gonna, you know to shoot lane B, right? Yeah, lane B. You don't know what lane... Well, you're going to shoot a line of paint diagonally across the field that they're going to have to run through. You don't... The field where we're playing.

No, not a battlefield. No, there are no... We don't have a Humvee. Is that a real gun, Mike? Yes. Where are your paintballs? I'm in it to win it, Kyle. I'm in it to win it.

Yeah, definitely the paintball. He's got PTSD over there. He's about to flip his shit. No, I've played against those guys before. When I was a kid playing in tournaments, we would play against Sheriff's Department or SWAT team, this or that. And it's just like, we're about to run circles around these old men. And figuratively old men. They were probably late 20s, mid, this or that. We're about to run circles around these old men. Figuratively old men. They were probably late 20s,

mid 30s or something. But we're fucking 18 years old. We've been training for this shit. We've been running wind sprints, motherfucker. This is what we do for fun. Hypothetically, make it airsoft and a little more tactical. Where people get into camo and maybe ambush and stuff like that.

Does it change it at all yeah it changes it there's a guy on youtube who's uh he's he's from europe somewhere and he's he's on a real SWAT team and uh you to see him operate his gear is really cool he's very john wick and in the way he like like he'll have his like assault rifle type gun and he can just like pop pop pop and then it's all lanyard so he'll drop it and then draw his pistol like super fast and put shots down and then he'll holster and like swing the gun back up he's very good he's very good there's there's several airsoft channels that have just exploded um you know millions of subscribers and stuff and like tons and tons of views and i've sat down and watched hours of it. I really enjoy it. I like the sniper dude that uses the hit marker

sound and visual effect and it really helps me understand what's going on. And often cliche in airsoft is people don't call their hits. You get hit and sometimes they innocently don't know because if an airsoft thing hits loose clothing, it doesn't hurt.

And sometimes they're just cheaters. But yeah, he he does a great job with his production value it helps you watch the video but yeah paintball i think definitely they would crush them taylor what was yours i've got uh what is so and i'll just ask what is the correct way to wipe your ass because i've seen a lot of opinions out there that i didn't even know existed what is the correct way to wipe i got this down all right first of all i'm also pretty good i don't want to toot my own horn no one's better than me all right all right i'll vouch for that his ass is beautiful my ass is good enough to eat out afterward um that's where i was about to go um

it i am always analingus ready all right you never know when you're gonna when a girl's just gonna want to get right up in there and uh a big fan of that and so gotta be prepared all right first of all you want to want a high fiber diet you want you want you don't want messy shits all right it doesn't want to be like you just you don't want a high fiber diet is what you do you want a log. You want a nice, enormous biscuit coming out of your ass, alright? Just a poof. A little dust comes out at the end. But seriously, though, I never, and I mean never, do I shit when there is not

a shower coming immediately after. I poop in the morning, alright? I wake up, and i'll do stuff until the urge hits me because there is no fucking way i'm gonna shower and then shit all right no way i'll delay my whole fucking day people be like hey when are you coming to pick me up i'll say whenever i get showered but what i mean is whenever i shit all right i'm gonna poop and i'm gonna wipe with toilet paper because what's coming next is going to eradicate anything. But what is the wiping tactic? That's what I'm saying. I lean forward a little bit, reach in from behind and go front to back.

Yes. And I also, if necessary, if I haven't had my fiber, if it's been a hot wing night, for example, I might do a lateral wipe, right? Now you need a very special rolling technique, right? I don't always use the same roll of paper when I unroll it from the roll. You're like Boy Scout knots, one for every purpose. Exactly. I do fucking paper mouchet with that shit, depending on what kind of wipeage I need. The cream, okay, is need the cream okay it's what i use when it's a real messy one i make myself is that like the three shells technique where you use the crane to pinch the poop and pull it out exactly it can go in retrieve any fragments

and it's out any dingleberries any any hanger-ons but i go from butthole laterally across the cheek and down. There's a hook on the end so you're not just smearing ass. You go from your butthole laterally, smearing poop onto it. So you don't go from the butt cheek to the ass crack. No, because you have to go with the lay of the skin, all right? Because when you go away from the butthole, you're spreading the cheek. But if you go from cheek to butthole,

you're just folding your ass cheek onto itself. And that doesn't work. We all know that. And so after I'm done with it... What are the dimensions of your ass? What's happening here? You're getting folding going on when you wipe too aggressively? Yeah, you know, the fat of your ass, you know, your butt cheeks.

If you go out to in, it'll kind of like, you know, the skin will roll up. It'll like, you know, do a thing. I don't know. Just bear with it. Well, I'll show you next time. I'll send you a Snapchat in a little bit of me wiping my ass, and I'll show you. Look, you see?

It doesn't work. The skin folds. Ha! And between vomits, you'll agree with me. Then I take a fucking shower. And so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I wipe at all, quite frankly. And sometimes maybe I don't. You definitely want to wipe some.

You have to clean your ass. You don't want to get your hands shitty. There's plenty of soap in there. We're getting all soapy in here. I can be filthy. It doesn't matter. Try to not needlessly bring poop with me into the shower. Why not? It's a drain. It's a rule of thumb. It's a drain. It doesn't matter. Try to not needlessly bring poop with me into the shower. Why not? It's a drain. It's a rule of thumb. It's a drain.

It's a drain. Judge Costanza was right. I'll waffle stomp that shit right down. I don't give a fuck. The only bad part is if it's a hot shower and if it's really steamy. There's nothing smellier than a shit steam. There was a kid

at school who got bullied because um this was like a totally ancillary thing i heard this like third or fourth hand but it was someone in uh in my grade who was taking a shit at school which when you're like in eighth grade or whatever it was is not something you ever want to do like having to shit at school at that age i don't know about you guys but i never wanted to do it i like to be in the comfort of my own home not thinking that any minute some middle schoolers are going to come in and start fucking with you and so he was in there and someone stood up on the toilet in the adjacent stall as he was wiping his ass and he leaned over and looked at him as he was doing it, and apparently he just announced,

Guys! Guys! David's wiping back to front! Back to front. He was standing up, reaching his hand between his legs, going back to front, like where you'd get shit on your balls. Does this make sense? Yes. Yes.

Well, it doesn't make sense, but I understand what you're saying. So he had been wiping this way his whole life, and then he got mocked for it ruthlessly for a while because standing up entirely and bending over and reaching your hand back like you're going to finger your own butt and then wiping that way did not serve him well. I can't believe. It's not what you want. I would not have made fun of someone for the way they wipe, by the way.

Joe Rogan was talking about the toilet that they have there at his studio, which I imagine is just magnificent. I'd love to see that studio. He's got a bidet built into the toilet, and he's like it shoots right into the hole and the guy from everlast was like into the hole or onto the hole he's like into the hole it blasts water up your asshole you gotta poop the water out you're getting cleaned inside and out that's like a water pick that's where i am like like kyle's talking about

his fabulous technique i would argue that I have fabulous tools, right? It's either the bidet, which has strangely good aim somehow, or like every toilet has wet wipes next to it. So you're not wiping butts around here with some dry toilet paper. If it was on your palm, you wouldn't use dry paper to wipe it. You're just pretending you got it clean if that's your situation we have uh wet wet wipes or some sort in every toilet and uh i'll start with the dry paper finish with the wet wipe and analingus ready as kyle might say what is the

correct way to pee do you do that thing that I think only weird people do where you actually leave your pants buttoned and you zip it down and then you reach in there and you pull your penis out of your underwear flap and then pull your penis out of the zipper? Or do you just unbutton, pull your waistband down,

flop your dick out, and pee? I don't have any buttons, bitch. Just pull them down right over the top. Well, bitch. The correct way. Tom of jeans. Just pull them down right over the top. Right over the top. Well, see, that's what I do with jeans, except they have to unbutton.

That's clearly the correct way to pee as a man. That or I put my leg up and just stick it out the pants leg. Yeah, that's another way to do it. Your weird thin dick.

It's like three and a half feet long. Three and a half feet long, but it's as girthy as a pixie stick. It's just three and a half feet long. Three and a half feet long, but it's as girthy as a pixie stick. It's a twizzler. It's like the longest twizzler you've ever seen. That's a weird looking belt, Kyle. It looks fleshy. Yeah, yeah. It is weird. If it's a urinal, there's only one technique,

which is like you unzip and unbutton your pants, sort of hold everything down with your thumb and pee over the top. But I will say that like if I'm just like in the house, maybe wearing only boxers, I'm getting up in the morning. There are a bunch of different ways I might go. I might use the hole. I might pull it up and pee out the pant leg. I might use the thumb and put the whole boxer.

I wear boxers mostly. Pull the waistband down and pee over the over the top live dangerously i i have yeah there's no telling what tomorrow might bring boys you see like we figured out good things in humanity like sliced bread bombs cool things but then we also adapted too much whoever i want removed from apparently they already have removed him because i don't know who he is whoever decided they wanted to put little flaps in the front of underwear for men should should not have been allowed to get away with that horrible grievance against mankind i've never used that underwear flap the only thing that it's used for is when you're walking around the house for

your penis to pop out like that's it that's the only way it's a risk yeah it's it's not a good design it's not helpful and no one pulls their dick out that way like no one if maybe if i was in the arctic but how about we just make special arctic uh things for those people special warm underwear don't make us live dry whatever that's the correct way to pee though i'm glad we're all on the same pissing and shitting page i wasn't though i told you i have a half a dozen different ways i could do it which might be an exaggeration but you're the correct one though the correct one of what you do out in public if you uh if you guys have to be addicted to something in a way and not like i want to be addicted to running i was choosing exercise yeah exactly you can't i i saw that so you have something that if you don't do

it you get the shakes and you have to do it something So you have to be addicted to something. If you don't do it, you get the shakes. And you have to do it. Something that you have to do, and you're addicted to it, and it's going to be detrimental to your life. You have to be addicted to something. What is it? I think nicotine's a good one. Because, you know, you can just vape right here, and there are no fucking...

Nicotine's not bad for you. And it tastes delicious. Actually, I'm removing nicotine from the option because you're right, that's too easy. So you could be like a crackhead. You could be addicted to alcohol. You could be addicted... All of those sound worse than my idea,

which is one of those people who are like OCD, addicted to hygiene, where they wash their hands too much and they crack. That's... Okay, that's actually... No, it has to be a substance. It has to be a substance. It still rolls all the time. What about ice cream and I'll just be fat? Okay, that could be a substance. That's not a good one, Kyle.

You're not a little bit fat. You're profoundly fat. I'm choosing pot. I'd rather be addicted to pot than ice cream. That's not an addictive substance. People definitely get addicted to pot. That's kind of cheaty too because I know people who smoke pot every day

and their lives aren't destroyed. Right? Joe Rogan. Yeah, he's doing pretty good. Well, they're sober October right now. No alcohol. Did he do it again this year? Yeah. I didn't Did he do it again this year? Yeah. I didn't think he was going to.

I'm going to say cocaine. Reason being, I'm going to always be thin. Yeah. And I'm going to leave a pretty corpse. Because I probably won't be around that long. You'll have no septum yeah i didn't i mean i've i've never done coke but i assume it's not i don't know that guy that came to my high school had no septum so it must have it must be pretty great then yeah once you

start like whistle breathing everything's yeah right you'd always breathe through two nostrils because they'd be connected. I guess they are. Yeah. I guess any of these are going to be bad. That's the point of the question, Taylor. You fucking retard. Yeah, cocaine. Keep me nice and thin. Better than ice cream. And you'll probably die faster than me, Kyle.

I really like pot as a choice. It's too easy, though. Too easy? It's got to be not easy? Yeah. How about heroin? That way you can notice every drop on your windshield is that what heroin yeah yeah that one sounds great until it's not or prescription pills yeah that's the same similar thing yeah opiates you were talking about a ocd i used to be so obsessive compulsive when I was like 12 like and not the way that people describe it where it irritates me where they're like I'm so OCD I can't even survive if the dishes aren't clean I prefer my post-it square to the corner of my desk yes oh yeah like I like

my drink carefully placed on a cup holder it's like you're not ocd you're just being neat like i would have like these like weird like fears in my head religious based because i went to that sort of stuff and i would think like you have to keep everything balanced or someone in your family is going to die just like an insane thing like that where like i'd like put my hand on my desk like the age of like 11 or 12 or whatever, and I'd have to like do the exact same thing on the other side. Like I would count, I would like blink at the exact middle point between electric poles while I was driving in the backseat, like with my mom and stuff. Like a lot of counting things, like having to do things a couple times, like not like, you know, one, two, three, one, two, three, like her trying to keep Charlie alive, Charlie's mom.

But, man, that was shit. I have a lot of those. I was tapping and everything had to be balanced. I hated it. The balance thing, like my wife used to fuck with me. She'd squeeze like one big toe and then just leave it like that, like where one would be squeezed and the other would not have been and it's like it's no you've got to even this out that's not okay if i put a hand on my thigh i need to put my hand on the other thigh and and

even now like there are a lot like i'll move my mouse across an app on the screen and then i come through the middle and move it across the other direction to balance it out like it's it's something that i have too but to me it was never like a religious base someone would die it's just things should be in balance like like i like a feeling of incompleteness until i sort it out yeah mine was like a an additional layer which i guess is why i'm not like that at all anymore because i don't think like oh if you don't do exactly this, you know, someone's going to go to hell. That was the fear I had as a little kid. My biggest one. I was like,

you know, I was like at eight being like, how do I know grandma and grandpa aren't going to go to hell and be like, Oh, well you can't like a hundred percent. No. Until you get there. But like,

you know, it's okay. I touched both knees. Yeah. So I touched both knees. So I should see them there. But like, Oh,

that scared the shit out of me as a kid hell i bought into it hook line and sinker which most kids do at that age or maybe you guys didn't i don't know but i you weren't raised religiously way so that's that's a little different because i didn't get religious till later in life right and then kyle were you raised religiously at all yeah for sure um my i had a bunch of tics or compulsions, I guess. I had this weird thing I do with my fingers where like between my fingers, I would feel like the webbing was like sticking together. And so I'd constantly like do this shit, like, like, like, like try to unstick it, unstick it. And I would do this thing with my eyes where I felt like if my eyelids were kind of like getting stuck together in the corners I would like make this crazy face where I open my eyes super wide and um I would twirl my hair and uh like like like obsessively like like fucking twirl over and over and over and crazy and I would crack my neck I would crack my neck but not the way I do it now where I like now I do like a chiropractic thing that my chiropractor taught me to actually adjust it.

But I used to do this thing where I'd twist it and crunch it. And it would just be crunching in the back of my neck. And now if I do that, it's very painful. So I'm pretty sure I did some damage when I was a kid because I did it so fucking much. I started cracking my knuckles when I watched a Batman cartoon when I was nine. And I've never stopped. And I can't stop. the feeling of them not being cracked is is pretty fucking i can't like i would sit here and be sweating someone is going to hate

the fact they just heard us pop our knuckles like people get pissed at that yeah yeah i know kitty is she can't stand it like she she'll wretch like she'll almost vomit if you could if i can string together all 10 knuckles and all 10 toes she will vomit and that's like a grand slam of popping yeah getting all 20 of them like by the time i get to the second hand she's like stop stop stop and she's like slapping me on the shoulder and then i get the toes going and by the time i get to the second foot because i can like do them like rapid fire like the way I roll my hand across my knuckles I can do that with my toes as well

she'll vomit do you have stuff that you can talking about this I don't think any of us are that normal anymore I have another one I used to make this sound with my mouth and I was a kid

I know I was under 12 because of the house we lived in. So I was little and I can do it. I sort of put bubbles in your cheeks and go like that. Even now, I find that so seductive that if I like do it once, it's like, don't go back into that rut, Woody. Like, don't do it. Don't go down that road. Did you enjoy that just now? rut, Woody. Like, don't do it. Don't go down that road. Did you enjoy that just now?

Yeah, yeah. And as a kid, like, when I did it, I would hit myself in the head, like, hard, like a rap on the knuckles, or I'd give myself a noogie. My parents would see this, and they'd be like, that's good. You keep that up. You'll break a habit. I would chew the inside of my mouth,

like the inside of my cheeks. I would sort of, like, with my back teeth, I would chew the inside of my mouth like the inside of my cheeks I would sort of like with my back teeth I would bite it and like chew off the loose skin to the point where now I have I can feel rough places which are essentially scars there where I did it so fucking much

and it was all of these things were fucking stress it was all stress obviously like think about they're all like stress reaction like related things from fucking elementary school like they're all from the fourth grade from you you cunt miss evans you six foot three big bird bitch sorry miss evans fuck you yeah didn't wings have that like a mr lezik or something he probably deserved it that that little pudgy bastard was stealing brownies or something i used to do something like like i'm thinking i'm thinking about i haven't thought about this in years like all these weird things

like i used to have super dry lips like in the winter i guess like and when i was a little kid like i would get cracked lips and like my mom would always hound me like you need you need to use ChapStick, you need to use Blistex or some shit, like, keep your lips from cracking. And I would do this thing with my lower lip, where I'd, like, stretch it out, like, like that, and I would make it crack, like, split open, to the point of it bleeding. Like, I remember having a fissure in the middle of my bottom lip,

like, a huge visible like fault line of where i would re-crack it and re-crack my lip open and re-crack it open and like it was something like oh that hurts that hurts but like i just like i'd feel the tension like it's about to burst back open and then it would and thankfully i don't have a scar on my lip or anything from that but that was why did i do that why do we do these things stress stress yeah stress stress from school we you put these kids in school fucking eight hours a day every single day and then you get they get you they get in fucking trouble if they didn't fuck it if they if they put elmer's glue on their hand and made some fucking gloves out of it one day when nobody was doing shit anyway it already glued the fucking squares to the paper you you whore. And yes, I flushed the urinal with my foot. There was piss on it.

There's no need to call my father. She called your father for you flushing with your foot? I flushed a urinal with my foot. The only place that's really inappropriate is a skating rink. Not a fan. I didn't drop kick the urinal. I didn't drop kick the bitch. I did it like normal.

I'm fucking fourth grade here. I'm nine. All right. She calls my father to come in. My dad's like, you called me in here. I was working. You called me in here because he flushed a urinal with his foot. I'm going to tell you something. I stopped in there to pee before I came in here to see you. There's pee all over that place. Everything in there is covered in pee. Have you been in there? No. So you didn't see him do it.

Someone told you. You didn't even see him do it. Are you crazy? If you don't have corroborating evidence, I don't buy this. What year was it? I'm telling you. There was a kid I can remember so vividly in the fourth grade, him just having a pee party in there, pants around his feet like butters, dancing around, pissing, his cock flailing around like a water sprinkler. And he's soaking the whole floor and the walls and laughing and giggling.

Everybody thinks it's great. And I'm just like, this is where we pee. Like in the holes and pee. Like, in the holes, in the urinals, or in the toilets. Yeah, I told you guys about when I did that in kindergarten, right? My first day of kindergarten, when I still remember my

thought process, I was asking if I could go to the bathroom, and she was like, yeah. And so I went there, went into a stall, because I don't, I think, there weren't any urinals there, I think it was just stalls. And I went into one was gonna pee i was standing there and i remember thinking the thought at the age of like five oh my god i'm in the ladies room like no i remember thinking like because i was going to school like i'm i'm going to school now i'm not just a little kid at home i'm at school you know and i thought big boys piss where they want. Or in my, in myself, I thought big boys pee where they want because I didn't know the

word piss. And I proceeded to pee everywhere in that stall on the back area, aside from the toilet. I peed on the area where you flush. I peed on the back wall. I peed on the, the, uh, edges there where like it would open up like with the wall to the other ones. I peed all over it. And I remember leaving thinking like, yeah yeah big boys pee where they want and then i never once

did it again like and i think very like very quickly after that i realized man that's weird i did notice there wasn't a lot of other puddles of pee around so the other so my fellow big boys must not be peeing where they want so i must be be, you know, wrong. Why did I do that? Ah, man. Being a kid. A little piss bandit. A little piss bandit, yeah. Yeah, I guess my one and only strike.

It was an August day in 1996. You know... Let me tell everyone about another one of our lovely sponsors. This episode of PK is brought to you. See, you don't proofread these, Chiz. You don't proofread them.

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tryprimechannels.com slash pka that's tryprimechannels.com slash pka to start your free trials of over a hundred channels with Prime Video Channels. I cancelled all of my subscriptions a couple days ago and switched everything to this. There was another service whose name I shall not mention, which I was using to get a few of these options, but it didn't have all of these options. I have everything now.

I'm switching to this too. I have everything now with Prime because I am a Prime member anyway. So it just made sense to consolidate everything. I already use an Amazon Fire device. So everything is on the same device. I only need a couple of apps total, because that's a real problem right now. I keep reading how now with the diversification of so many apps, it's hurting certain streaming platforms because you've got to get so many different things to get all the content. But this really puts

everything in one place and consolidates it in a really nice, affordable, easy to use way. So check them out. Link down below. Big fan of this. It's how I'll be watching Game of Thrones this year. Yeah, for sure. And it's how I watched... I was on Starz last night watching... Actually, I watched that on amazon prime uh watching robocop now it turns out for those of you who are fans of 80s and early 90s action movies the first robocop the x-rated version is being shown on amazon right now now it's not x-rated because there's any pornography any nudity just violence just violence and gore this thing got an x rating back then because of violence when

when the giant like i don't know it's called an ec 109 or whatever like like the prototype terminator thing that that they replace with robocop that like comes in it's this bipedal thing with machine gun arms and it it kills a guy in the boardroom in the in the cut that made it to the movie theaters, it's R-rated, you get about three seconds of machine gun bullets hitting the cannon rounds, hitting this guy in the chest,

and just blood and gore goes everywhere. It's very violent because these are squibs, not CGI blood, and not just little pops of blood. Huge amounts of gore. I saw so much gore last night. It was like Faces of Death death or something they just keep shooting this guy his thighs are exploding his crotch is exploding his chest is exploding and he's laying

there incredibly dead and they're like don't touch him don't touch him someone call a paramedic and i'm like you could call god himself like nobody's nobody's bringing this guy back and then when like the main character the guy that comes murphy the guy that comes robocop like when he gets killed by red foreman who's the bad guy in that movie the first thing he does he does like the uh caddy shack bit that uh chubby chase did when he'd go off he'd go no no no no no no no no every time he hit a putt like he was like focusing the ball in the hole he He does that with a shotgun. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

And he blows Murphy's hand right off, and he goes, Somebody give this guy a hand! And they all just like... Like maniacally laugh. All of his minions. Yeah, and then him and all the minions open fire on him, and they must shoot him 300 times or something like that,

and he's still alive. It's just incredibly gore, incredibly violent. It's on Amazon. So, yeah, check him out. Great service. It's consolidated all of my TV and movie watching right there. I'm doing that for sure. Definitely.

That sounds way, way better. I watched Darkest Hour last night. That's the Winston Churchill movie. I was crying so hard. There's a scene where, like, they don't know what to do, right? The Germans have everyone trapped at Dunkirk. It looks like the Brits are going to lose 90% of their 300,000 men that are trapped on the beach. Churchill's just been made prime minister.

He's got tons of political opposition. The king is barely even on his side. He doesn't know what to do. And all of his advisors are telling him to sue for peace, to go to Mussolini and to get Mussolini to offer terms to Hitler and to try to negotiate a peace. But he knows that they're just going to be slaves in their own land if they do that, that the Germans will demand all of their ports. They'll demand that they completely demilitarize. They'll confiscate the British Navy. The swastika will be flying over Buckingham Palace, and he doesn't know what to do.

And he's in his motorcade, like going to Parliament to speak, and he just gets out of the car. And he walks down to the underground, where he's never been before, which is like their subway. And he gets on the subway car, he starts speaking to like regular people and they're all like just gobstruck because you know the prime minister is on the train with him and he starts asking them you know like like what would you do if the enemy showed up you know that on our on our shores and that we would fight them and the little kid even. We'd fight them forever. We'd do whatever it took. You'd fight them? Yes, we'd fight them.

And would you ever surrender? No, we'd never surrender. And all of the people, the women, the children, the old bricklayer man. And as he asked them, do you think maybe we should negotiate for peace? No, never, never. Victory at all costs. like you know what they do you think maybe we should negotiate for peace and they no never never victory of course and i'm just like watching this and i'm making it kind of silly but but like it was very serious and and winston churchill starts crying and i start crying and i'm and i'm i'm not just crying a little where there's like a tear rolling down my face i'm going i have to pause it and like pull myself yeah yeah i have

to pause it and like wipe the tears away and like like take a sip of my soda like take a few deep breaths and like go back to it because it's so real it's so heartfelt and and there's so real. It's so heartfelt. And there's so much like, I don't know, I guess nationalism and pride in your country and this sort of stiff upper lip, defend your homeland at all costs sort of thing about it. And he's going to these people because none of his advisors sort of have this feeling about them. And they don't really know what the, no one's asked the general population what their feelings are about any of this and and and like he's and they're really fueling his fire when they do this and and then he goes and and he gives like two back-to-back speeches one to like

all of his advisors and everyone there and then he goes to the to parliament and he gives sort of the famous um you know we'll fight them in the streets we'll fight them in the streets, we'll fight them in the hills, and we'll fight them on the landing grounds and in the, you know, blah, blah, blah. And it's... They rescued those soldiers with regular boats, right? That was his idea. Sailors and fishermen and just pleasure yachters

and stuff. Pleasure craft is a better term, because at least in Dunkirk, the movie, a lot of these boats were not... They were like Boston whalers, you know? Like, not boats that carried a lot of these boats were not, they were like Boston whalers, you know, like not boats that carry a lot of people, but they'd go, they'd get their four, six soldiers, what they could hold or stack them, you know, put nine in there and leave.

And it was, it speaks to the bravery because they're going to a war zone and getting out soldiers in small numbers and they're just regular people. Yeah, that was Churchill's idea. Churchill, there was a group of 4,000 men in Calais and he had them attack the Germans, which numbered in the hundreds of thousands

to delay the Germans so that they could get these guys off the beach. He literally sacrificed those 4,000 to save the 300,000. And Operation Dynamo, which is when they sent all the civilian vessels in, was all Churchill. That was his idea completely. And they thought he was nuts because he was like, any boat in the fucking country that's

over 30 feet, go. Go. Send them in. Send them in. Get as many men as you can, you know, because the projections were, like I said, that they might save 10%. Well, they got them all. They got all 300,000 back 000 back and you know it won

the war for them it's tough i did an interesting movie i sometimes think about like how i do if my area got invaded not well not well there's not a lot of cover around my house i feel like my house sort of sticks out like a sore thumb. It's not missile-proof at all. I should have paid for that. I feel like it's somewhat attractive. What are the spoils of war? If you were to loot someplace, there's nothing

good in my house. I swear. There's nothing here worth stealing. The only thing worth anything in this house is the people in it. You'd be part of some kind of a resistance. They'd have taken over. Let's say if it's's like um red dawn right where the russians come in and they take over you're not going to be able to like fight there's there's no more like front so you're you're sort of a resistance fighter like the french were or like the belgians were you know where where you're you're you're like the vietcong now maybe less like that and more

like you're passing information to the allies wherever they are. Or you're sabotaging fuel supplies or planting a bomb in a colonel's car or something like that. You can't just live your life and go to work or whatever happens as they

invade and think that you'll stand your ground. I can't stand my ground. One, I have no military training. I'm an average shot. How is this going to work? In what world do I win? The world that you would win is that no

military on Earth has enough individual people to post on street corners and watch everyone. It's not like they can be like, alright, for every one of them, there's two of us or there's one of us and we'll hold them down it's like no a civilian population as armed as the u.s like is unconquerable like you're not going unless like threat of nuclear devastation but like a boots on the ground style invasion you think you're gonna take the south and the midwest with a traditional army no there's a there's a gunman all over the place if even only a small percentage of them are on board with like oh yeah

next time i see that fucking ruski walking down the street i'm blowing his head off like there's there are enough of those people to do it yeah like i've heard before like i don't remember who said it but it's like who cares about things like fighter planes a fighter plane can't stand on a street corner and direct things and make sure you're organized they can't the fighter planes can't do that tanks can't do that like like you need boots on the ground in order to force people to live like this and it would just be impossible with our with our access to firearms i think yeah i think so too i i think that um i wish i could remember the movie there's this this... It's like Flame and something or other. It's about these two, I want to say Belgian

resistance fighters who would assassinate Nazi officers. They would figure out where they were going to be and when they were going to be there and they would either bomb them or they straight show up and machine gun them down and run away. It was a really good movie.

They didn't make it in the end, but spoiler alert. It was really good. It was a true story. It was a lot of that. In France and a lot of the Poland. How true, though? Obviously, they did send ships to do that, but crying on a subway?

Those kind of things? Oh, I don't know how true that is, but but it it was true enough when i was watching it gary oldman did a wonderful job gary oldman delivers that speech literally 10 times better than churchill did it's so powerful when he delivers it because he's shouting and he's in parliament surrounded and he's just like this and that we're gonna fight them here and we're gonna fight them there we're gonna get victory and at all costs and if they should conquer us if they should conquer some part of this island then the british empire will rise up all over this world and they will fight until the end

until this this land is ours again and blah blah just on and on and and and like all the politicians are just like yeah yeah and i'm just like and i i'm over there like yeah let's go get those fucking nazis where are they they're in georgia the whole british empire will rise up it's like really you think when you're like hey we're on our last leg india uh you gotta defend us so we can keep controlling you canada and some of the other places where they would would be seats of power should the island be taken i suppose this is like an interesting historical little tidbit like for a while after the war hitler was not viewed

negatively in india because his troops like were like i guess kind of instrumental in like you know taking some initial steps so that gandhi could take over and then do the the rest of the deal and that was i don't know that's interesting to me like all the little things that you don't think about that are ramifications of the events that we do know about you know like until like i read that i was like oh i had no idea that nazi germany had fuck all to do with with india you know getting away from britain aside from the fact that they crushed tons of you know the uk's empire and kind of forced them to mortgage it away. But regardless, all that shit, World War II, World War I, fascinating. Nothing's as fascinating as ancient warfare, though, because you don't know really truly what was going on.

It's just interesting to think about battles between the Assyrians and the Hittites or whatever the fuck like way way back in the day i'm too skeptical to appreciate old stuff like that you know the hell we don't know how many jewish people were killed in world war ii right calvin an excellent case the fact that they probably were not good anyway when they say like 300 spartans against three million whatever i'm like really three yeah Yeah, absolutely. Were there 100,000 people there even? Absolutely, yes. That's pretty historically solid. It was 300 Spartans

supported by around 5,000 free Greeks. Like Athenians and I can't name any other Greek city-states. But they're in a very narrow valley and you've got to keep in mind that the Persian troops were lightly armored. Their shields were like wicker, literally wicker. They're for desert battle, quick movements.

And the Spartans, unlike in the movie 300, were like the tanks of their time. And the Spartans were a warring nation. That's all they did. There were no Spartan farmers. There were no Spartan blacksmiths. There were no Spartan farmers. There were no Spartan blacksmiths. There were no Spartan whatever bricklayers. That didn't exist. How did they get their stuff? Slaves. Oh, okay. Then the slaves, the serfs as they were known, outnumbered them like five to one or something. So they kept them in a perpetual state of terror. A Spartan when he was seven years old

went to the barracks, and he stayed in those barracks and trained for war. He wasn't released until he was 45 years old. He was still a fighting man at 44. He only went home to his wife to procreate, and it was just one night. You'd go back, you'd fuck her, and then you're back in the barracks again. Now, this created a lot of homosexuality within the Spartan fighting group, which meant that a lot of these men were not only brothers in arms, they were lovers. So you're fighting next to your boyfriend in a lot of cases. Their training was insane. The children weren't given enough food to survive, so they had to steal food to survive. But if you were caught stealing, you were brutally beaten. They had ridiculous training regimens, like running naked through horrible brambles of briars to toughen

your skin and body. The combat training went on from the time you were, like I said, seven. You weren't fully trained until you were in your 20s or something like that. It was your entire life's goal to be good with a sword, a spear, and a shield, and to operate in the phalanx, which at the time was the height of military tactic technology. The interlinked shield, again, not like

in the movie where they just go crazy. Everything you've said is easy for me to swallow. I get it, and that's fairly factual. But sometimes the numbers seem fantastical to me they are in ancient history quite a bit where like they'll pump up their enemy's number so that they'll be like oh they're gonna look back on this and it'll be even greater like there were a quarter million people in this battle i'm like really that just seems like a lot of people how big were these populations back then?

Yeah, to support that. The Persians had conquered all of the Middle East. They had an enormous empire. And when they conquered a place, they took all the men as soldiers. I'm sure there's... But they weren't that densely populated, right? They weren't that big civilizations. If one civilization could have done it at that time, it'd probably be Persia.

Maybe, but I feel like Raleigh has more people than Athens did. Definitely. No doubt. So how did they have a quarter million soldiers? They didn't. They had the smaller groups. The Greek city-states were, as an aggregate, outnumbered by a wide margin by the Persian Empire. The Persian Empire was the first uh empire to span over three continents as it covered asia europe and africa and included parts of modern day turkmenistan uzbekistan tajikistan pakistan afghanistan all these stands there's like four

more stands armenia georgia iraq kuwait syria saudi arabia palestine israel lebanon egypt Georgia, Iraq, Kuwait, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Palestine, Israel, Lebanon, Egypt, Libya, Macedonia, and parts of Greece. Trying to look at how large the army was and use a source other than Homer or the Greeks. I'd like to see what the Persians said their army was. You know what I mean? Hmm. I just can't ever get past the numbers of how big these things are. Like, World War II battles didn't have 100,000 versus 100,000, it seems. I mean, not according to Banner Brothers.

I think they did. The Battle of Thermopylae, according to the New World Encyclopedia, says that there were 1.7 million infantry, 1.7 million infantry, 80,000 cavalry, 20,000 Arabs and Libyans, and 324,000 Greek puppet troops, which were Greeks that sided with them.

I can hardly picture that. That's so many people. Yeah. And I get skeptical. Yeah. But anyway, it's more just fun to think and read about those old battles and such. Warfare would have been so much worse back then.

Like, it's rough now, but having to clash face-to-face with a sword and you might think you're doing really well, and then some dude just, like, slices your calf all the way off. Like, there's just... It would have sucked. Oh, the Spartans also sharpened their teeth,

and they grew their fingernails out long so that they could use them as a last-ditch weapon. They grew their fingernails out long? Yeah, they'd claw out your eyes. It's also for that one night they're back home with the wife. Oh, clearly. Yeah, right on the small of that back. Small of the back, little claw action.

How is our boy Wings doing? Does anyone follow? He had a real rager the other day. No. He got mad. Go on. He got mad. People gave him a hard time in the comments by chance.

Yeah, he was getting mad at God of War. He was playing that, and I guess he was losing subscribers and getting troll donations and uh he was like all right we're switching games i'm gonna play at least one game of call of duty and then we'll get off and and he also like tried some rainbow but he was like i need a five stacker i can't play right which means a full party and he can't pull that um i wish you do what i always did which was like i i would like play bum dodgeball in call of duty his fans would love it like if people don't know you you pick a mat where there's an open spot and they have throwing knives you just throw them back and forth and it's dodgeball

you pick up the knife throw it at the other guy you die you die um it was always a blast but he doesn't do no he always has to show how good he is yeah that's what he's about you know someone asked him you know what what game are you good at he was like i'm good at every game and then like a moment later he gets turned on super hard in rainbow six like the guys and in rainbow you die so fast i've got no rainbow experience but i've watched a lot of it it seems like one headshot is dead from what I've seen. Like any gun, it seems, one headshot is dead. And he gets turned on so hard. And I've been turned on in PUBG and Call of Duty.

It's super frustrating. And he rages and whatever. He gets off that game and he gets off God of War and then he gets on Call of Duty 4 Remastered. And I think he got through one game before he quit. The problem with the CODs is if you don't have a 3-1 KD, you're not meeting your personal

expectations. You finish a game 18-12, obviously that's above average, but that is nowhere near where you're supposed to be. Unless you're 3-1 KDing, every game, you're just not happy. That's're 3-1 KDing, every game, you're just not happy.

That's why I like Battle Royale. He hates Battle Royale. I think he hates it because he's bad at those fucking games. He was bad at PUBG. I think he's just bad at PC games too because he doesn't play them. For some reason, he prefers PlayStation. If you're on a console, I understand it's a much more affordable option. The the consoles now like the the playstation 5 is rumored

to be coming the xbox one is so goddamn powerful right now it's more powerful than than some starter pcs it really is and and i get it like consoles a lot more fun for casual gaming it it really is but i've switched to pc and I see that it is the pinnacle of fucking gaming, if that's what you want. If you want high resolution, high frame rates, and the most control you can possibly have over your character, your sight, and everything like that, it's PC gaming.

Nothing else can compete with it. It's amazing. I don't know why he doesn't do it. But he hates Battle Royale. I know, why? Because he won't suffer through a learning phase. He's already good at PlayStation, and he can't deal with six weeks of not being as good as he was. And that's what you do, right? Like, he should play Borderlands.

Borderlands was my first PC game, and it was great because you're facing AI, and it's a nice, like, warm-up for, like, learning mouse and keyboard. If I faced Kyle, who's playing actively i just rage it would be really hard for me to lose gunfight after gunfight start in an ai based game i did fallout i did fallout to teach me was d and and like first person shooter like basics and stuff like that and i don't think i'm not one of the best players in the world and maybe the ranking system in PUBG is bad.

Okay. I, I, but the other day I looked at my rank and it was like 1750, which means nothing to you guys, of course. And it didn't mean anything to me, but shroud was talking about what those ranks mean.

And he said that 18, he was like a 1770 or something like that. I, I, I'm nowhere near as good as shroud is. So I, so I question whether these ranks mean anything, but he suggested that an 1800 player is

the tippy-top, best of the best uber elites, and then the 1700s are the very strong players. His is probably higher. Higher is better? Yeah. It's not like you're 1800th. That's what I thought it meant.

I'm like Adam Amelian. That's pretty good. I think it's combining the score of how many kills you get with the score of how many wins you get and some sort of weird aggregate that's unique to PUBG. And I'm fairly fucking good. I win every gunfight I get into. That's a fair gunfight.

If you and I both start off behind trees and we both know we're there, I'm really good with the Kar98. I'm really good at sniping. I'm really good at close range with the submachine guns. If I'm bad at anything, it's AR battles at long range or something like that. But I'm pretty fucking good.

I love those games. I love the Battle Royale games. I'm excited about COD. So that's not where Wings should start. Go do a Borderlands playthrough, a Fallout playthrough on PC. Get your WASD set up, and then graduate to a PUBG. And don't get pissed off if you don't maintain a 4KD in PUBG at first. Yeah, yeah. And the KD really doesn't matter.

It's all about wins over there. I mean, you want to get a bunch of kills, of course. More kills, the better. But if you could see, like you watch the replays of games sometimes, and you'll see there'll be a guy with like a dozen, 15 kills, but he's playing so aggressively he dies early, or he dies in the late rounds. It's often the player who plays like it's real life,

who maybe hides a little, who sneaks around a little, who crawls a little little who pulls out the victories i hear you about winning and why that matters and such for streaming though is that still what's most important maybe it is it's it's it's it's two-phased right because like because i've watched streams sometimes if some guy gets whatever i'll make it up you know 38 place. That one was kind of a miss for me, you know? Oh, yeah, for sure. Because there's a certain tenseness, like a will he win, can he do it, you know? And I know that it's like a, if you just lay the odds, it's a 1% chance this guy wins.

So if he's in the last five, he's already proven to be pretty darn good. This is an interesting thing that's happening, right? Disrespect would call it a top 10 situation like i understand that um but you know also like to hide your way there and stuff doesn't make for a good stream yeah yeah definitely not like just laying in a corner or anything but um i don't know when i'm best at duos. When we play duos, we win a lot. We'll win back-to-back games. If we play 10, we'll win 2. There's a lot of top... There's 2 or 3 top 10 games that

we're like, that was bullshit. The circle just fucked us. They could just sit in that house and we had to run across an open field straight for them. Stuff like that happens. But that's the fun of the game. I can't wait for Blackout. I think it's coming soon.

I don't know the exact date, but I think it's like two weeks or something. Yeah, I think it's a week or two. And then at the end of this month, the Fallout 76 beta starts, so I'll be able to get into that. I'm super excited about playing multiplayer Fallout. But

you know about it. Fallout players are not know about Fallout. Players are not excited about 76. They've gone back and forth. It's different. If we were getting Fallout 76 instead of Fallout 5, instead of a full-fledged Fallout

game, that would be very disappointing. But what this is, is extra content that was supposed to be in fallout 4 that they've beefed up a little and made another game out of basically you know the multiplayer thing was supposed to be part of halo kind of did that is it odst do i have it right yeah it's odst this is sort of fallout odst style um but it looks like they've put a little more uh little time and effort into it than perhaps ODST was, because it was real, alright, we're done

now, after you beat that thing. But this has a lot of replayability, and you're ranking up through many, many levels before you can even use certain weapons, and there's a whole base building aspect, and then the big metagame is the launch codes that exist, where if you do enough missions

and do enough exploring, you're slowly but surely collecting multiple launch codes that exist, where if you do enough missions and do enough exploring, you're slowly but surely collecting multiple launch codes that you and your teammates can combine to take control of an ICBM, and then you select where on the map you want to fucking utterly destroy. And of course, you're going to pick

Dragon Slayer 129's base, right? Because fuck that guy. I'm looking forward to it a lot. Mostly because it's going to be fun for me and three of my friends to go in there and be able to be fairly casual about it and be able to conversate, as Wings would say, while we're having fun in the game. Whereas

PUBG, there's a lot of silence. There's not a lot of chit-chat because you've got to listen for footsteps so much and there's a lot of call-outs and trading gear and ammunition and weapons and that sort of thing. It's sort of all business there for the most part, but this will be more casual, more like a Borderlands playthrough.

Hmm. Yeah, I kind of want to play a game again, and nothing's actually sucked me back in to actually installing one. I said I was going to play Scum, and I didn't mean to be a liar when I said it, but I just never did. Yeah, that sort of came and went for us because it was just, you know, they didn't build, maybe they have since I stopped playing it,

but they weren't adding stuff fast enough, and we just had everything, you know. At a point, you've got everything. You've got literally every weapon that exists in the game in your inventory or all the ones you want, and you've got all the cans of stew that you can possibly eat and the can opener so it's like you know what are we playing for except to grief other players and then you know after i promoted it on the show or whatever a lot of the players were fans and i kind of felt bad killing them because they'd be like kyle kyle and i'd be like should we kill guy? And he wants to be our friend. And I was like, I can't kill him. And I was like, you kill him.

He doesn't know you. Yeah, I don't know what game I should, I want to get into a game again. I actually dislike a lot of long games and I feel like that's become more popular, long form games, things that like that's become more popular. Long form games. Things that take half an hour to play. And I... Assassin's Creed, something like...

There's a new Doom coming next year. And I love Doom. Watch a little bit of Doom 2016 content on the PC. And see if that interests you at all. Because it's incredibly fast-paced. You basically hold W down. You don't stop. There's no sprint.

When you press Shift, which is normally sprint, that changes sprint to walk. Your default is Usain Bolt mode. The weapons get increasingly more and more and more powerful. I played on like nightmare mode and i i only died once to the enemies i i i mostly died to environmental stuff but it's super crazy gory and like when you dance when you shoot a a demon enough to like if you put enough damage into a demon he starts sort of flashing with this little blue tint and that means he's open to like

a glory kill so you press f when you're near him and you do like the most horrific thing imaginable to him like depending on what kind of enemy he is and what like stance you're in like if you're if you're jumping down on him or if you're running up to him or if you're standing behind him you'll like tear their jaws apart and stomp down their throat you'll rip their heart out shove it down their throat. You'll rip their heart out, shove it down their throat, and then they'll explode. You'll do an uppercut and then a hammer fist

and just all kinds of the most horrible finishing moves you can imagine. And you just feel like... When you get to hell, which is a part of the game, you open these runes and there's this demonic voice or whatever. And he starts telling this tale tale and he's like he came from dust and darkness to the depths of hell

and all demons feared the sound of his footsteps for he grew stronger with each enemy he vanquished and he would never stop because his thirst for blood could not be quenched and at first i was like no just that's way better than your regular voice i'll talk like that at first i was worried about this terrible enemy that was being described but then i realized they were talking about me crazy question kyle is this just a remake of the old doom or is it like a sequel it's it's all different you know it's different like levels different scenes and of course like it's modern graphics you know i'm playing it in the back someone did a four-hour walkthrough so while you talk about it and then the speed of it the fans are watching it but um i guess it's

just inspired by the doom i played 30 years ago because i'm like do i know this map do i like it i obviously see like oh here's a modern oh here's a modern graphics version of some character that i remember from a while ago yeah i thought i even recognized the map but i could be crazy uh i i didn't play enough of the old Doom to know that. There are little, like, it's full of secrets and Easter eggs. So, like, you'll be like, hey, what is this in the shadows? And you'll pull a lever, and it'll play, like, the old Doom theme music for a split second. And you, like, look, and a little door has opened.

You crawl through it, and it's the old graphics. Like, you're in the old level like the really shitty yeah super shitty shitty like eight bit shit with like and the old sound effects and the old armor is there and the old like like uh weapons and stuff and you're like oh cool you know this is a little nice little easter egg but you just feel like the most uber badass that's ever existed and you and the game itself is pumping you up with those little runes that you open. And you have the demon telling your tale. And he's always basically just describing how hardcore you are and how much the demons of hell fear you.

And I'm just like, they should be afraid of a coming. just like they should be afraid i'm coming you get so hyped up and you pull the chainsaw out and just gut this giant bellied monster until his guts pour out and ammo shoots out everywhere it's i i beat it in i played like i probably beat in six hours or something like that you know it's just real real quick game to like run through huh looks like fun. And the sequel's coming out next year, and I've seen the gameplay for that, and it looks even more crazy. Now the shotgun has a grappling hook on it, and one of the weapons has a blade,

like a bayonet that you can slice and dice enemies with. It's a ton of fun, and it's gory as shit, and it's dark, and there's a hell cult with sacrifices going on, and everybody's been turned into demons. There are all kinds of abominations from the depths of hell that have risen up that you have to fight, and each

is more horrific and disgusting than the last. I have beaten it on Xbox, but of course on the sticks you can only be so good, but man, I really enjoyed it on PC. It's $20. $20 for PC. You mentioned that when a demon turns a blue tint, you get a special assassination.

There's been a couple of them on the screen, and that does look like it's pretty cool. Very sad. Yeah, they're just like, oh, he's a blue tint, so the guy runs up and he'll be like a wolfman or something, and he grabs the jaw and spreads him apart until his head splits. That's a good kill right there.

Maybe these games do turn the kiddos into high school murderers or something. It's so violent. I love that. I turned all the settings to maximum. I've got 1080 Ti, which isn't the best anymore, but it's certainly good enough to run this game on my 1440 monitor

at hundreds of frames per second. Like, it'll go up to over 200, even though I don't get that. I'm at 144 hertz, but I can run it at 144 hertz continuously and just have a great... I play in the dark, you know. I get my fucking headset cranked up. You haven't talked about VR in ages. What's your, like, final verdict on that? I think if you got the money, it's totally worth it.

If $700 isn't a huge investment for you, if you see it like another peripheral, if you were going to spend that $700 on a fifth monitor that you were going to invert and make your Twitter feed or something like that, or if you've got friends that play it, or if

there's a specific game on there that you think would be fun, totally worth it. How often are you using it now? Because I know you were really into it. Okay. Yeah, almost never do I use it now. I use it if someone comes over who's never used VR before. I love demoing it for people because I own a ton of games.

The games are very cheap. Yeah, I would love to try one. And everybody does. Whenever anyone comes over that is, you know, even if I don't really know them that well, like the yard man came a few weeks ago, and he came inside so I could pay him. And I was like, you ever seen virtual reality?

And he's like, what? I'm like, come here, come here. And I just put him in a game, and he's he's got a bow and arrow he's spy kids 3d and and he's i love watching like the bottom part of his face because he goes wow and and everybody start does that thing where you're like you look around and you're like holy shit i mean and then you look at your hands and you're like holy shit i mean and then you look at your hands and you're like holy shit they move and then you like grab something you're like oh that's intuitive and you know you draw the bow back and it's got haptic response so you they vibrate a little bit so as you're drawing it you

hear as you're stretching the bow out and it sort of vibrates a little as you're stretching it and then when you release it you hear the thunk and you get a little like haptic like quick vibration push from the thing like making it feel like the tension's released. That'd be really cool. I bet that does sound fun, showing people something neat. I've often thought how fun it would be to go to one of those tribes in Africa where they don't know anything and they like it. They think you're a ghost because you're white and shit like that.

And you just show up with a run-of-the-mill like couple of pizzas and you're like this is the white man's gift to you i am not a ghost would they like it i i eat the pizza and i and they would take one bite and they'd be like this is the most calorie dense thing i've ever had in my body burns the roof of my mouth how did you keep it hot all this way yeah well here's my special dominoes hot box or whatever the fuck that thing is worshiping the hot box he can summon heat with this box you know that would like i thought about that like what would be the things that you would show to a civilization like that to really just fucking blow their gourd oh the ipad i was gonna say an iphone but it'd be like awful if you like check this out youtube fuck there's no signal trust me

it's really cool when there's a signal dude you break out that fucking pizza you break out a big like tablet like a big mic Surface or iPad or whatever, and you start fucking showing them pictures of the world, like the industrialized world, and videos of people flying on those. Paramotor! If I brought my paramotor and it ran into the sky, that will not be the first thing that they know about the outside world. No, they would be amazed. They would be amazed

at somebody running to the sky. I watched a white man's video. I fell asleep. That's not true. He just floats in air and goes... Dude, planes are way more boring. Planes are boring. I have a vine tied to a tree.

I do the same thing. See, you'd have to show them something like food is what comes to mind because that was what would blow their mind because if you show them a video of something not only would they not believe the things they're seeing they wouldn't believe the method by which they were seeing them you know they would be like is this some other world is this where where is they like try to reach their hands through like i want to go there they have pizza they have more pizza what you brought like i think you have to be kind of simple like a ring pop would blow these people's minds like that amount of sugar and i think they just giggle yeah they would just giggle at that okay something that would actually blow their

mind pizza would blow their mind cheat because they don't never had cheese dude never had a spicy pepperoni a fucking kazoo would blow their mind no like a submarine would blow their mind a flying machine would blow their mind a car would blow their mind an aerosol product anything like that would probably lieutenant m mind. Lieutenant Montgomery's had a helicopter for decades, okay? They are familiar with helicopters. Like Lieutenant... Lieutenant Lefcombo.

I think you could show them, like, a mirror. A mirror would do it. A mirror would blow their fucking minds. Good call. They've had water. Yeah, it's not the same, though. It's totally different. It's not the same. Look right here. You've had water. Yeah, it's not the same, though. It's totally different. It's not the same.

Look right here. You're in there. Oh, he has dick in my soul! It would be, that would be blown, and you could just reflect the light and bounce it around on them. They'd freak out. Like, anything like that.

If that kind of society that we're talking about actually exists anymore. Yeah! Remember we watched one, there's a documentary the guy even went and they they made a shield for him and stuff that one was fake oh that's right it did turn out to be fake but those people have been exposed to the world before are there really people that like i might there are people who live a primitive style that that i'll agree on and that i won't

contest people who've never seen anything but a primitive style i wonder no they do i i showed you that video a while back of like the actual like white guy meeting they were afraid of him for the white man for like the first hour they were they're across the river looking at each other and they think he's a dead man because he's pale yeah he has blonde they think he's a ghost they don't think and he has to like he gives them like candy or something and and like he's like you know food food and they like they taste it and they're like you know they're like really like they're like skittering like he'll get it yeah he has them okay and they're like on a log and he'll be like oh i think

they kind of trust me now he'll like take one step forward and they'll like scamper back like 10 feet on the log and then when they finally kind of trust him enough they like take his hand and like like try to wipe it because they're like they think that he has some like chalk or something or paint all over him and they're like blown away that that's just they uh he showed him matches he showed him matches and they were blown away by matches and they were like let me show you what i do and you know they use the little like saw and like stick the thing where it's like it's it looks like a miniature bow and arrow but you wrap the cord around like this the stick and you sort of saw a fire out and they're like yeah this is how i do it and he fucking knocked it out this was no wings of redemption

fire making video he fucking created fire in just a moment but the guy's like boom fire and they're just like whoa and the guy's like takes the match and of course it burns out and he's like smelling the match and tasting the match and like playing with it trying to figure it out uh he gave him candy and um he showed him a mirror that was one of the things uh they were blown away but showed him a digital camera like like a like a like a dslr that was science fiction for these people it was it was like you showed him a a teleportation device it was really cool to see and and he sort of got like the alpha male guy of the group to like he was the one who's brave enough right to like come in and like like like meet him first and like he made a relationship with him and then that guy would have to go to the others and like like like meet him first and like he made a relationship with him and then that guy

would have to go to the others and be like he is okay he would show us many things yes yes come come like like bowls they were blown away or these plastic bowls that he had brought with him right because you know these guys have clay pottery or whatever it was cool so i think i think in south america there's still some of those uncontacted, super, you know, never seen the modern world tribes. And they're probably looking at airplanes going over thinking that it's the gods or they're, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah. I mean, they must. There's a movie.

I wish I could remember the name of it about a group of Native. movie i wish i could remember the name of it about um a group of native it's where native americans had been like in this like they're like partitioned away from the modern world in america and the only way to get to them was like by going through this tunnel and it wasn't supernatural at all um but but but like a couple of white guys stumble upon them and they're like sitting around the campfire with these indians and like they're still speaking like whatever comanche or whatever and this guy like that's his area of expertise and he's explaining to him that man walked on the moon and they all start laughing at him and it's like yeah that's what you do you fucking laugh at a guy who said he that we went up there and walked on the moon of course i guess you guess you go on the Joe Rogan show, you might get laughed at a little bit if you say that too.

If you showed them that video, like... I think he showed them that video. I think maybe that was one of the things. I wish I could find that clip. I haven't seen it in like a year now, but I think he showed a man walking on the moon. That would be a really cool one to show them. Yeah. Showing any kind

of flight, any kind of speed, like him yeah showing any kind of flight any kind of speed like a car any kind of explosion like that's what he did like a big bomb or gun like that would that would blow their mind i'd freak him out he told him this is how the white man wages war because they showed him their bows and stuff we must be very nice to the white man exactly right he's like this is how the white man wages their war. And he showed them World War I artillery guns, World War II artillery going off, and huge explosions around trenches and shit,

and tanks rolling into Fallujah and stuff like that. And that was pretty awe-inspiring for them too. Awe-inspiring? Or were they kind of like, shit? Like, freaked out? I don't know. It was interesting to see them like, you know, one of them they kind of like shit like freaked out they i don't know it was interesting to see them like you know one of them would kind of get it and then he sort of talked to the others about it he'd be like this is how they fight war so you see here you see here the it was fucking

cool you know it's it's looking back in time really at like what we once were it's interesting like even the way they probably saw it was different because they have such a tribal mentality that they probably thought, oh, by talking to this white guy, we're cool with all the white people now. Yeah. He's the white ambassador. He'll relay this to all the other white. That probably is naturally how they think

because they grew up and evolved in those smaller groups like the tribe setting. All that shit's just fascinating. I wish there were more videos like that. God damn it. We industrialized everything too soon. We should have left a few groups especially placed.

But you can't keep doing it. I wish there were more videos of de-virginizing people who are no longer being created. Ah, shit, that's true. But we're in a cool era for it. We're probably in the only era for it. For the most part.

Where you can show them things as advanced as landing on the moon, and they still haven't invented the wheel. There's a subreddit for de-virginizing? It was just a joke I was making, but I guarantee there is. I just don't think people film that very often. I feel like when you graduate to making porn,

they do, huh? Well, I stand corrected. I don't know. If I tried to set up a tripod my first time, I think she'd have said no. All right. First game of the Blues season's done. A 5-1 loss to the Jets.

After the Blues outshoot Winnipeg 42-25. So another Blues season on the way. Did the Flyers play? We outshoot them 42-25. Did the Flyers and the Canes play? The Flyers are on the night. I don't know if they're already done or not. The Flyers

are up 2-1 to the Golden Knights and to the first. Well, in related news, the Atlanta Braves are currently playing the Dodgers' first game of the postseason. They're in the bottom of the seventh and the Braves are down by five. Five to nothing.

Well, you know, this is baseball. They can round that back up real quick. Fuck me. They're going to get knocked out in the first round. I would bet money on it. Yeah, but you don't mind that much. You just want your boy, Connor. I absolutely do.

If it meant that the Braves became the Montgomery, Alabama Braves, but Connor won, I'd totally do that. If it meant that the Atlanta Braves plane went down somewhere on the way back from L.A., but Connor

won. No, they all died. All of the Braves died. Would you go through and kill all the Braves? So much for the trolley problem, right? Like, alright, you've got Conor McGregor on one track and five people on the other track. Do you flip the switch? Choo-choo!

Looks like there's enough room to add a few Braves more. I want Conor to win so fucking bad. Why? Why do you hate him? Do you dislike Habib? I dislike Habib and I love Conor. Why? Do you dislike Khabib? I dislike Khabib and I love Conor. Why do you dislike Khabib? Let me see

if I've caught up from your guys' discussion. You think he's overrated because you think his record is largely inflated. However, you think if he takes him to the ground and is able to maintain it, he's going to win. However, Conor has much longer arms and his striking is fantastic. Because of that, if he keeps it up or if Nurmagomedov tries to throw him, he's going to end up getting knocked out.

A lot of people are saying that Conor's record is a little bit in question because he hasn't fought in two years. But you are very solid on that. Woody, not so much. The reason I dislike Khabib. Pretty good. Pretty good. Are you saying we've talked about this before?

I think by osmosis I've learned some things. Kyle has a thing he wants to say. I hate Habib. I don't think he's not entertaining. I don't think he's a showman. I think his fighting style is boring. I think that he's terrible on a microphone. I think he has no interest in side A of the fight game, which is entertainment.

Side B is fucking punches and kicks. Side A is fucking entertainment. Side B is fucking punches and kicks. Side A is fucking entertainment. And that's what Conor does better than anyone other than knocking people the fuck out that used to be champion. He is so entertaining. He is so ridiculous. I love, I want him to be incredibly rich, incredibly arrogant. I want him to spend his money on absurd things. I love that he shows up in a private jet. I love Khabib lives with his mama and daddy. Alright? Khabib hasn't moved out of fucking house yet.

Khabib's from some fucking caveman country called Dagestan. Right? Khabib's manager. Khabib's manager, this Ali guy, it sounds like might be a terrorist. A little terrorist-y, but not a lot terrorist-y. Guys, this is a little bigoted.

I don't care for it. Just because he's a Muslim does not mean he's a terrorist. No, he's been caught with arms and stuff. Like, now he'll remember more than me. Well, Connor was great at today's press conference. I haven't watched the whole thing, but long and short of it is Habib's manager, this Ali something or another guy, apparently was an informant for the feds, and that was the only way he got out of trouble, because Conor's like, I could speak tons about Ali, but you know what?

I will. On 9-11, Ali was caught trying to come over here with five passports he's a terrorist like I don't even know how he's out free walking around me and my family just coming from Ireland I'm sure a lot of you out there because the crowds full of Irishman had trouble in getting over here with visas and stuff. He's walking the streets right now, only because he's a rat fuck, just like that

glass-jawed chicken that he's representing, and he goes on and on. I'm just like, yeah! Yeah! Now sell us your whiskey! Yeah! Glass-jawed? He's not glass-jawed at all. Connor says he is. That's all that matters. I'm not saying he's glass jawed.

I'm telling you what Connor said. I'm not saying the guy's a terrorist. I'm just telling you what Connor said. No, I love everything about Connor. He puts on a fucking show and he entertains me infinitely. I have gotten so much of my money's worth by buying Connor pay-per-views. Every time I've watched him fight, with the exception of the one we watched live because we couldn't fucking see shit,

I've been blown away. Every single time, I've loved it. When I watched him knock out Aldo, I was blown away, jumping up and down, screaming. When I watched the Diaz fights, blown away. I've watched those things three or four times each on the UFC fight pass. I love everything about him.

I love the ridiculous outfits. I love the ridiculous outfits. I love the swagger. I like that silly walk he does where he flops his arms around. He stole it from Vince McMahon, and he's like, fuck it, now it's mine. Yeah. And it kind of is. It's more Conor than Vince. Totally.

I love all of that shit. Everything you said is right. Everything you said sinks home with me. But I still like Habib for some reason. You're i bad on the mic i don't know like the little bit he says is what i want to hear you know they connor calls him out where are you he's like uh glendale arizona you can come if you need me i'm right here i am i am here for to smash i i do not like camera maybe we do fight and you tell people what happened. Like, no, he's not a fucking showman.

He's not in the entertainment business. And I'm here to be entertained, goddammit, because these things are $65 a pop. And I know that maybe one or two of the fights are going to be garbage, right? I don't know if, like, you know, Karate Hottie and Felice Farrig or whatever, or Herring or whatever her name name is is going to be entertaining. They're both gorgeous. They're fucking hot, though. Yeah, we got that going on.

Who cares? They're fucking hot, though. Dude, I saw them today in the face-off. Both of them smoking hot. The Karate Hottie is like twice as hot as Felice is. Felice is older, and she's got a much more manly masculine build, which I know you're into. But Karate Hottie is fucking smoking she is so pretty i thought felice was hotter actually at least it's pretty hot but like without the make like karate hottie looks good without

without makeup felice looks pretty good when she's made up and she's wearing a dress i i think i could agree with that yeah fel Felice and she's also good at makeup I worked with a girl once who was amazing at makeup and it's really kind of a facial artistry that gets undervalued most women are just okay at makeup they know how to apply it and whatever

fix some bags or something and that's that but some women bump two points on their 1 to 10 scale and and felice might be one of them yeah i've definitely known girls where it was like uh you're gonna you know put your makeup on today good good what's something non-physical that adds a couple points to to a lady's sense of humor ranking for you guys. Sense of humor is maybe the most important thing. Liking guy stuff.

Definitely true. That's one. If a girl enjoys hiking, I've always given a little bump to someone who likes things that most girls don't get into. No, I think that's a coping mechanism that shitty girls have sometimes.

I love football i'm a big tom brady fan really are you how many games did they win last year a bunch no so i'm with you on that one i actually agree but the ones i was thinking of were usually physical right like my hobby is indoor rock climbing i do it all the time. There's going to be some terrible hand jobs. Yeah, I didn't think of that. But it's like, I find that really cool. Get that gnarled claw away from me, you griffin. You griffin.

If a girl does indoor rock climbing like that, that's pretty hot to me. That would bump her up a couple points. And she likely gets along with the boys. I think that what you're saying is really logical, Kyle, in that girls who try too hard to be one of the guys,

or guys, it goes the other way, guys who try too hard to like, really, I think if someone is incapable of maintaining friends of their sex, it's usually, I think, a red flag. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't you get started on that. That's not a red flag of anything.

Do you have male friends? What the fuck are you on about? Not really. All my friends are ladies. I would much rather have lady friends. I've got many more lady friends than I do guy friends. But you have guy friends, of course. Not really. What? I'm your friend. Well, yeah i mean i mean other than you guys and you know a couple guys that i play

games and shit with like i don't really like dudes a lot of dudes that you like meet or it's always a i've told you this before taylor like it's it often ends up being some sort of pissing contest not a literal one hopefully but but like they're you know they i don't think so i have a lot of fun with my guy friends i don't feel i mean sometimes it becomes a pissing contest but it's always like you'll have a pissing contest where you like argue and like fight about something but it's usually kind of in jest and then you just keep drinking or doing what you're doing i don't have that either really like the competitive thing with my guy friends oh yeah i i definitely don't like hanging out with a bunch of girls as the only guy like i it's not as fun i like they're just they're just not as funny and they can't roll

and riff with you as much i'm here i'm the entertainment in that situation i love that i know they're not i am the you know you're doing a one-man show up there i'm phil burr they've never heard any it's like it's like the machine story right when he goes to soviet russia and they've never fucking seen jackie gleason or fucking rodney dangerfield or snl like fat guy and a little girl and they're just, whoa, he's a comic genius. A lot of times girls are like that. I like having lady friends and girlfriends or whatever. And I would rather have girlfriends than guy friends.

I really would. Because I don't like to do a lot of the... You know, that's a plus. You know, the guys always put up a fight. Don't act like that's that's a that's a plus you know the guys always put up a fight don't act like that's not the first you know tally in the column of pros well sure you know like like i i i would like to fuck them and i do if i can and uh and you know that's that's what i'm going for i suppose but but you know i also like doing stuff with them you know whether it's whether it's going out to movies or going to amusement parks. I love watching movies with girls.

I love to talk about movies that I just watched with someone. It might be my favorite thing to do is to watch a movie and then gauge someone's perception, their their uh their empathy level like like like what did you take from that you know this is interesting i want to i want to delve a little deeper on that what's you're with a girl you're watching a movie and you have an idea of what her perception or what how she receives the movie what's the worst take from a girl you've had about a movie where it's made you be like we are not compatible like what that was what you took from this like if they watched like fucking uh shawshank redemption like this is boring or something like that yeah um man it usually goes really well um and like even if the like even if the chick doesn't love the movie i I'm able to like sell them on it afterwards.

And where they're like, well, you know, you're right. You know, like, like predator, like you wouldn't,

that's not a chick flick, right? I've seen predator 50 times, a hundred times, something like that. I can quote predator for days. I love predator. I love everything about predator.

I think it's probably second best action movie ever fucking made. It's incredible. And like, like you wouldn't think a chick would like that But I can watch that with a chick and then I don't want to hear their opinion I want to tell them what I took from the movie let that sink in and then hear their opinion I want a I want an informed opinion from them because if you just look at the surface of it It's just a bunch of muscled up dudes dancing around in the jungle shooting machine guns But if you talk about a little bit, there's a lot more going on i i have more subtext not in this exact situation but i've been kyle's girl before and it's wonderful so i like that i

kicked it off right and uh so the trailer park boys i would not have liked trailer park boys i wouldn't have gotten invested into that show had it not been for Kyle setting it up, right? He kicks it off. He's like, these are Canadian Trailer Park Boys. He explains it. It might be five minutes into the first show. I'm terrible with names. Kyle, who's the guy

with the drink in his hand? Ricky. Oh, Julian. Julian, thank you. And Julian comes out and he gets a drink and he's like, with the exception of one or two scenes, you will never see this character without a drink in his hand for the next seven years. And you're just like, whoa, really? Seven years? He's like, the continuity in this show is incredible.

Ricky gets a tear in his stupid fucking sweatpants in season two or something. And he's like, that tear will be maintained for six years. And it does. I haven't noticed that one. Me neither. I would have never caught on something like that. The car gets damaged. It stays.

They work it. And Kyle is a TV show and movie tour guide that will enhance your experience, I promise you. Yeah, it's pretty neat. So yeah, I've been his girl. It's good. You should start a service where people can subscribe to your musings on shows and films,

and that will be a way to coax them into watching. Because a lot of the time, I'm scrolling through Netflix, and they've got that bullshit percentage thing that tells me 100. According to Netflix, I'm a fan of everything. Mine goes on a scale from like 93 to 100 it goes from 93 to 100 like i'm serious it'll be like amy schumer 96 percent you know uh that that comedian who's not actually a comedian just kind of lectured you you know 99 like all that shit and then i like it's terrible but if i could open up up Kyle's thoughts on my phone, punch in the name of the show or TV or movie, it would give your excerpt about it. And I'd be like, like you can read and tell that it was some intern that was just fucking done for that evening.

It'll be like murder house is the name of the movie. It'd be like one guy goes into a house and watch what happens next. Yeah. I love that. I, especially if it's a movie that I've seen a bunch of times and I know the Shining. If I'm going to introduce someone to a movie

that I really truly consider a work of art, like 2001 A Space Odyssey or The Shining or Patton or I don't know, The Exorcist, something like that. If I'm going to show you George C. Scott, when George C. Scott fucking walks out on that stage in Patton with that American flag behind him, I'm just like, we're going to start strong here. So we're not going to talk. Just sit through this speech, and then there will be time after that. Do you know the speech I'm talking about?

I think you'd have the same answer. Americans are winners. Oh, Patton? Yeah. Yeah, I know. the very opening scene, right? The opening scene That's a really powerful scene It's so fucking good That or, you know, show someone Full Metal Jacket

And be like, I'm gonna do you a favor We're gonna turn it off right after they leave camp Don't worry, we're not going to NOM We're just gonna watch Forrest Gump I like both halves that movie to me it's like two movies that aren't that connected but i i feel like the movie goes from 10 to 8 i feel like it goes from like 9 to 1 like the vietnam part maybe it's just the juxtaposition of going from really really good movie movie to really, really shitty part.

But it's just not good. It's not. Stanley Kubrick was a literal genius. I think they say his IQ was like 180 or something like that. Is he dead? Yeah. Oh, yeah. There was so much symbolism in those movies and so many things from his other movies

put into each of the other movies. Like in Full Metal Jack metal jacket there is a shitload of monolith symbolism the monolith being the uh the knowledge giving device in uh 2001 a space odyssey like you see it time and time again like like in uh in full metal jacket like he's he's the one who it's theorized by a lot of people shot the fake moon landing, if it was indeed faked in the desert out there. Just so fun. I love all of his movies.

Clockwork Orange. You talked about an impactful scene. There's a scene in Clockwork Orange, if you've never seen it, where they do what they call... Singing in the rain. Ultra violence. They're going to go out and do a little ultra violence. Yeah, I like that.

And there's a singing in the rain scene. Kyle nailed it. And I think it's a rape scene, a rape murder maybe, of a very old person. A rape and a crippling. Yeah. And the victim is old? Does that sound right?

Yeah, she's not a spring chicken or anything, but she can still get down. But she's gray-haired, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, the woman's not. The guy is. Oh, okay. Anyway,

they're so undeserving of that beating, and they are so mean and callous and unfeeling about it that, like, I don't know. Something about the innocence of the victims combined with the ruthlessness of the bad guys is next level and well they beat that homeless man to death for no reason too yeah i like when he gets his comeuppance like later he doesn't get his comeuppance

he doesn't they get to the end and he pretends like he's cured and then he's like wink i mean he's not gonna be the same after what they put him through he's not just gonna go back to the ultraviolence he absolutely is that's what's implied yeah maybe i don't know his whole gang lost respect for him he's not gonna be the dude anymore like he'll go back do a little more ultraviolence he'll be right back in the swing of things right back on in charge you think uh the shot uh i i don't know which is i love more the shining or 2001 a space odyssey but those are probably my two favorites i like the shining the most of his yeah it's uh it's it's jack nicholson kills it so fucking hard he's so unhinged by the end of that movie and the way he's delivering

those lines. He's like, give me the bat! Give me the bat! And she's like, no! No! You're gonna hit me with it. I'm not gonna hit you. I'm gonna bash your fucking head in.

Yeah. That was pretty good. It's fucking gold. It's fucking gold. I love that shit. It's been too long. Yeah, I love that movie. I read the book and saw the movie.

And I'm like, I remember that the shining was a skill that certain people had. They greased the slides for them. Greased the skids. Made life a little easier. Two people shine. That's all it is. slides for them and uh you know grease the skids made life a little easier because they have people shine that's all it is doc you just you got to shine that the black innkeeper shine you got to shine the um so so that's a stephen king novel of course stephen king probably has more uh film and tv adaptations of his work than the next two people combined or something like that.

In the novel, I want to say it's a yellow Volkswagen bug, maybe red or blue, I think it's yellow, that the family is driving up to the end in the opening scenes of the movie. They're driving a yellow Volkswagen bug. Well, in the opening scenes of the movie when they're driving up, there's a bug overturned and all the people in it are dead because they got hit by a transfer truck as they're driving up to the end. Right away, Kubrick's letting you know, we're diverting from the novel. We're doing our own thing here. This is my take on this. Stephen King was not very happy with his adaptation of The Shining.

It was, but it's fucking brilliant. Still great. There's so much going on so much uh subtext and so much like hidden meaning in a lot of those scenes there's a whole documentary called like room 456 i think maybe that's about the movie there's a documentary about the movie that's like 90 minutes long that I watched that's fascinating where they're trying to, there's little things like, uh, one of the major theories is that the boy has been molested by Jack Nicholson's character. And a lot of what's going on is his guilt about that. And a lot of the imagery that he is seeing is being, he's seeing it because of his guilt for molesting his son.

There's theories that it's Kubrick's way of admitting to have falsifying the mood landing. There's little bits in there. Oh, that one adds up, yeah. No, there's a lot of evidence to suggest it. The layout of the hotel is literally impossible. Like when you watch how the camera moves around, it's an impossible three-dimensional space. It couldn't possibly exist the way that it's shown to the camera. What part are you talking about?

Do you know? You're going down like a hallway, and you turn into a room. And in the back of that room, there are open windows that open to the outside. But that would be impossible because you just walk down a hallway that that that should be there. There should just be a wall there. There's no way for there to be an exterior window where there is one. And it's not a mistake. First of all, the man didn't make mistakes that he didn't he just didn't make mistakes and second of all like it's it's there are several of those like like the you're upstairs and then you're downstairs you're downstairs the window doesn't belong there it probably means he faked the moon landing no the moon landing fake faking it is three that symbolism is depicted things like the uh the rocket ship on charlie's shirt

and uh the the jfk lookalike who's turning the uh uh who's who's hiring uh the uh jack nicholson's character at the beginning with the american flags on his presidential like desk and the windows behind him ready player one touches on a lot of these i feel like i don't remember with that i watched it but I don't remember very much of it. Yeah, it does. It was a pop culture like smorgasbord. Yeah. Do we have more ads?

I'm pretty sure that I did them all. We talked about Squarespace, Postmates, GetQuip, Monster Energy Espresso, and of course, Amazon Prime Channels. I only asked because Taylor thought we had more. Oh. Ah. That was from a while ago. I'm reading something from nearly

two hours ago. I do have a post roll if we're ready to wrap. Yeah. I think we could. Alright. Well, I just want to remind everybody again about Monster Espresso when you need energy on the go and you don't

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bet on this Conor McGregor fight. Are there any other bets that you would like to lay? Any prop bets? Any win-loss bets? Any round bets? Any odds that you would be willing to lay on such a bet? Anything like that. The only one I have in my head,

I would easily take It Doesn't Break 2 Million pay-per-views. Five bucks says it does. Okay. I think that's it then. $10 is plenty for me. Would you give me 2-1 on Connor KOing him in round 2?

Yeah, you definitely should. That means that we put up $5. I get $10 if I'm right. You get $10 if I'm right. You get $5 if I'm wrong. If he doesn't knock him out in the second and he knocks him out in the third, Woody gets $5. Or the first.

Take it, Woody. I'll take it. Yeah, I'm in. Yeah, that one's a lock. Woody's about to pay! I am, as much as $20. Wow, you think Connor's going to KO him in round two. I can see that argument two I can see that argument

I can see that argument Round one, he sizes him up And softens him up And softens him up If Conor's landing in round one People say Habib has a Glass jaw Conor mentioned it

And a lot of people are like, he got rocked by Michael Jackson He got flash rocked for a second while he beat the daylights out of him for the other 24 minutes and 45 seconds. And he's never been beaten. The draw's not that class. You know? It's going to be shattered.

Shattered. I want it so bad. I want him to cry. I want him to cry like fucking DC. I was hoping you'd say it in this show too. I think it so bad. I want him to cry. I want him to cry like fucking DC. I was hoping you'd say it in this show too. I think it was PKN. You're like, I think Habib needs to be humbled. And I'm like, by Connor?

By Connor, the world's least humble man? Yes. That's why it's perfect. He needs to be humbled. He needs to be broken down, sent back to his shitball country. We don't have a single Dagestani Lister. I checked. I couldn't find it on a map. I am from Dagestan!

Dagestan. All I know is it's sort of Russia. It is Russia. It's like the Delaware of Russia. Is it literally Russia? Yeah, it's a province. I don't know what they call them in Russia. It's the Mississippi of Russia. Okay, I thought it was like...

Former Soviet Republic. Yeah, I'm trying to think. What's the one that starts with U? Oh my god, my geography is embarrassing. I don't know if that's what I was thinking of. There are a few Russian, Soviet Union countries that weren't actually Russian. Lithuania, for example.

That's a great example. Lithuania is not actually Russia, but ituania, for example. Yeah, that's a great example. Yeah. So Lithuania is not actually Russia, but it was part of the USSR. I thought Dagestan was like one of them. No, it's literally Russia. That's my understanding. Yeah, it is. Okay, then. Well, I didn't know that.

So he's Russian. Where men are men and the goats are afraid. The bears are beaten down Alright That was PKA 407 I hope you guys enjoyed the show