Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #409

Episode Date: October 26, 2018

On this week's PKA, our body and killer comic, Steve Hofstetter is back and they talk about the controversy surrounding Snoop Dogg and Kanye, we get into some historical religion talks which leads into whether quicksand is even real, so we do some investigative journalism to find out and then, of course, go down the rabbit hole that is people vaping viagra.

Painkiller Ready, episode 409, with our guest Steve Hofstetter. Kyle? A couple of sponsors tonight. Dollar Shave Club, Lending Club, Casper Mattresses, and YouTube Music. YouTube Music is a new app that combines everything you expect from a streaming service with the magic of YouTube to bring everything to life. With YouTube Music Premium, you'll get ad-free music that plays up with the screen off or on while using other apps. Finally, get music whenever you want, even if you're offline. Download the new YouTube Music app today and start a free 30-day trial. Then just pay $9.99 per month. Terms and restrictions apply. That's it.

Yeah, I use that, and I like that I can play videos in the background. If you watch this show, it might be something you like, too. It's four hours long, but you want to use your GPS instead of looking at the YouTube app with your Premiere guy. Is Kyle dying? I'm really sick. He's suffering. Do you want to talk about it? I think I've got

food poisoning. I ate some bad ribs for lunch. Wait, did you cook the ribs, or did you buy them? I ordered the ribs. It's a bit of a story. I use Grubhub. we don't have time for that and if grubhub yeah no no no that's it's my fault for asking kyle there's only three hours and 59 minutes left if grubhub has to cancel your order you get like 10 or 15 credit well i discovered that this one restaurant like just doesn't like dealing with grubhub even though even though they're on grubhub so i order from there every day,

and I'm making money. I've made $45 in the last 10 days. Today, they delivered. Today, they showed up with these ribs. It was an hour late, but I was like, ah, this is actually these are good ribs. I am so sick. I am so sick. They are on to you. They discovered

your little scam, and they were like, alright, he wants to fuck with us? Well, we're gonna give him the poison ribs. What kind of restaurant is this? It's like a country buffet type restaurant. They've got like a ton of sides. And you have to get a $20 minimum order. So I ordered like six sides

and a huge thing of ribs. Is this that same cow sucker who's ordering every day? Send him yesterday's ribs. Is this that same house sucker who's over and every day? Send him yesterday's ribs. With the salmonella sauce on it. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicely done. Yeah, so you're actively feeling, like, have you thrown up yet? Because every time I've gotten food poisoning, that's step number one, is it'll go from totally fine to I'm going to vomit right now. And then following a vomit, it's usually just shits from there on out. I feel it right in my solar plex and, like, right in the bottom of my throat. Like, I feel like there's a frog in my throat,

and I feel, like, a lot of pressure in my solar plex. Were they pork ribs or beef ribs? Pork ribs. Yeah, so you might have food poisoning. Or you might have had Jackie's chili, because that's normal. Oh, okay. Oh, hey, Jackie, thanks for coming. It's possible.

Possible they were uncooked and you also now have a tumor. So look forward to that or parasite pork comes with those scary parasites that get in you and don't want to leave i want a pair there's a reason the jews and muslims didn't eat pork back in the day it's true and you know what's funny to me about that is like it must have been because one dude didn't do it right way back in the day and everybody got really ill and so they were like Jedediah you fuck. No.

No more pork. No more of any of this. Meanwhile like lots of other civilizations are like you know if you cook it just a little longer it's gonna be fine. No. No no no. This decision is made. We already wrote it down. Same with shellfish. I like the idea that religion

was basically been like all right you fuckers don't know how to cook so i guess we'll make some laws based on this i mean that's kind of what it was right they're like because shellfish pork like anything you have to cook for extended periods of time it was really just a cooking rule what about mixing polyester and cotton like that's somehow against religion right oh that was also that caused salmonella as well that's a little known fact that defies everything i know about if you eat it oh you're wearing some bad cotton oh oh these well really you only need one 1024th of the shirt to be cotton and the rest polyester and it's an all cotton shirt so there you go so you just got a delivery driver who showed up yeah delivering your your yellow curry and you said it shouldn't

be driving i apologize so i'm running late to do the show and you guys were nice enough to like give me an extra couple minutes i run out to get the delivery and like i have uh so i have like a long walkway up to my place and this guy was like hobbling like tiny tim style just down the walkway and it was like your job is delivering food in a in a densely packed city like you're like this isn't someone who like you know you get like uber eats and you come out to the car and you'll get it like this is a guy who literally just his job is to walk stuff up to your door and i'm just standing there and finally i just like i walked up to the street to meet him and i was like i'll just here's here's an extra tip use it to whatever surgery you apparently need

get your crutches back was this an elderly like an older man no dude probably in his 40s uh just uh just hobbling over just very slowly slowly giving me my food but don't you get a feeling like anytime you see a driver who's like older than their 20s yeah you're like there is a feeling where you're like man i really hope you're just doing this for extra money like a little extra spending money like i don't want to think about you having to do especially for like 75 it's like what have you been doing the last 60 years like you grew up in the most prosperous time of all time like what were you doing well there's two ways that could go like there's the way the really sad way which is the like oh man this is someone

who's had no opportunities and it's just trying to desperately take care of his family maybe someone got sick you know he lost his job and he's desperately trying to hold on. Or there's the, this guy's a complete fuck up kind of way. Where like, what did you do to land here? I prefer to think it's always the second way so I don't feel bad. It's easier to blame them, I agree. Yeah, absolutely. Totally their fault. That applies to all aspects of life.

It's much easier to blame other people and more satisfying than to realize you've made an error. You know? Yeah. I think that's how i think that's how most people get through life actually like the how dare this person cut me off from behind oh yeah yeah and every time like someone cuts you off you're fucking furious and every time some you cut someone off you're like get over it we all make mistakes you're just like yeah come on i just had to get over come on man i didn't mean to what about if

someone exists in your blind spot for too long of a period of time do they share any blame in this yes they do absolutely riding the blind spot is one of the more dangerous things you can do be aware people yeah absolutely like there are people i had one uh i had one yesterday where i'm like rushing to a gig i get to the gig and like the lighting wasn't really adequate so i'm like fuck it. I'm going to Lowe's. It's 15 minutes away. I'm going to buy an extra light and then come back.

So I'm like rushing back to make the gig and I'm trying to get over to the next lane. And it's one of these things where like you slow down and the guy who's like in your blind spot slows down equally with you. And it's like, all right, so I'll speed up and try to get in front of you. And then he's speeding up a little bit. And I'm like, are we racing? What the fuck are you doing, man? And finally, I slowed down to like 15 miles an hour

so that he finally had no choice but to go. I go over a couple lanes and I ended up passing him on the right. Like, just an idiot who didn't know how to drive. Everybody always talks about the drivers in their area being the worst. You haven't always lived in LA.

So is there a real difference? Like people out there actually suck or not really? I actually think the drivers in LA are dangerous, but they're not bad. Like most of the time they're going 80 miles an hour. They're doing it right. They're just like, what the fuck? We're all going to die if one person makes a mistake, which happens. And that's why there's always an accident during rush hour.

But the worst drivers, and I've driven in every state and several countries, and the worst drivers I've come across, not foreign drivers. Like a lot of people would be like, oh, yeah, look out when you go to X country. No, Florida for sure. No question. Hands down. Everybody's about to die. They're very old. They've forgotten how to drive a very long time ago.

Or they're drunk or on meth. By the way, if you're listening in Florida, you know that I'm right. Oh, it's totally right. The average age of Floridians, I think, is 71. That can't be true. I know. I made that up right now. That's not true.

I didn't even pause. I was like, wow, really? That's amazing. A lot of 120-year-olds there. I see him in fake facts all the time. Taylor, you're thinking of Fox News, not Florida. Dude, if you look at the actual demographics of any tv news like fox cnn msnbc like any tv old old-timey you know news medium the average age is at the lowest like 68 it's insane like nobody

our age watches that regularly for the most part whenever i go in for a meeting with any sort of tv network and like you know we end up talking about my demographics and like my demo is pretty much like 15 to 35 and they just like look at me like what there are people of that age that watch things i'm like yeah yeah absolutely maybe stop putting garbage on your air and then you'll you'll get people with uh taste there was no better like reminder yeah there was no better like reminder of that than when youtube went down i think it was two days ago yeah and instantly top trending thing on twitter where the fuck did youtube go where's where's youtube i was watching king of the hill on youtube and i was

but but this is what i use it's never gone down and i was like, but this is what I use. It's never gone down. I was looking at other things, like going to regular TV and I'm like, I'd rather sit in silence until YouTube comes back than flip to that. I just like the idea that everyone who was watching YouTube was watching King of the Hill. They were all super

upset at the same time. Bobby, what'd you do with YouTube? That's not bad. That's pretty good. That show is so underrated. It's one of those shows that I don't purposefully ever watch, but every time I've seen it, I've enjoyed it.

Do you know what I mean? Do you have a show like that where you've never tried to watch it, but it's good every time, and I don't know what has to happen for me to try to watch it. I think Frasier is a show like that for me, because any time on TV that Frasier was on when I was younger, I would watch

it, and I'd be like, this is pretty good, but I would never seek it out. Yeah. That's how Friends was for me, but I haven't seen it in ages. I fucking hate Friends. What do you hate most about it? Friends isn't funny. Friends is poorly written. Friends has stupid, ridiculous characters that aren't ridiculously funny

at all. If you take the laugh track away, you're just sitting there for 22 minutes wondering why these people are so vain and slutty. Wait, first of all, how are you wondering why people are slutty? And not just excited by it? Monica and Rachel

would have so many STDs at this point. They fuck a different guy at least once a week. Sometimes it's two or three guys a week. It's absurd. Once a week isn't terrible. For ages.

Their pussies would be toxic at this point because there's never an episode where it's like they go to a clinic and get it taken care of and then they go back to their romping around. Maybe they use a condom. It is all about promiscuity and vanity. Those are the top two things

I would list about you. Maybe you don't like it because Friends was holding up a bit of a mirror. I am not nearly as vain and slutty as Rachel and Monica. Wait, what about uh and joe you know i was like don't leave like ross and joey like ross was married like seven times right married the man was trying to settle down forever he wasn't he wasn't playing the field joey however there's an episode where where like chandler is having sex for like the first time ever, like his third time or whatever.

He's like, do you have a condom? Joey's like, he's got a gigantic book of them. That may be the only funny joke in the entire show. Having a lot of condoms on hand does not prove you have a lot of sex. They were in his wallet though.

For the most part, I think the guys who have the most condoms probably have the least amount most part i think the guys who have like the most condoms probably have the least amount of sex right like the guys who are like i'm gonna stockpile this just in case like the guys who have a lot of sex is like yeah i'm gonna buy a box of condoms i'm gonna use it i'm gonna buy another box of condoms i would like to see the correlation between condoms on hand and sex because i can see it going both ways because also guys who use condoms on hand and sex. Because I can see it going both ways. Also, guys who use condoms know that they have an expiration date. And having a ton of them is a horrible idea.

That's just a scheme. A scam put on by Big Condom. I don't know if that's true. That's the kind I use. Well played, Steve. I've never been having so little sex that I had to worry about the expiration date of a condom, though.

What is it? Is it like a year and a half? It's like two or three years or something. It's a couple years, but that's my point. If you have like a truckload of them, like even if you're having sex every day, like you're still, if you have hundreds of condoms, you're not going to go through them. Hundreds is insane. I think I buy like six. I think the box comes with like 65 or something, and it's 66.

I buy that many at a time. My personal method is to just jizz all over her face. So try that, boys and girls. Well, there's pre-cum, and that's an issue. And also, you don't know what she might have. Pre-cum is overrated. But also, then her face could get pregnant. Oh, face babies are disgusting.

I've gotten talked into taylor was a face like uh the condom thing would you if there was a month left on a condom before it expired would you roll those dice because you know you're gonna start unrolling it down your dick and you're gonna hear like crinkles and cracks and you're like this used to be lubricated like it's gonna be old If any of you've ever used an old condom where you're really searching like to have a fucking condom condom and you find one It's got six days left. It's okay I've never looked at the expiration date on the condom frankly like there's never been a moment where I'm like Having sex as I go get a condom like okay

I get it and I'm just like hold it because it's usually like fairly dark like if you're it's not really bright light unless you're having sex in like a really weird place or like you're just into like hospital lights so like you have to then you get the phone out like your phone out with the flashlight like you look at the date like when the fuck is anyone looking at the date on the actual condom see usually when that happens i get talked into the pull and pray method because women dislike condoms almost as much as we do. And I've heard before, like, when you're about to do it, and they're like, oh, don't use a condom, that sucks. You know, the pull-and-pray

is, like, 86% effective. And in, like, your horny brain, you're like, that's like a B. That's pretty good. In my brain, in my brain, I'm just like, I've had sex a hundred times, I don't want 14 babies. That's not how it works my brain, I'm just like, I've had sex a hundred times. I don't want 14 babies.

That's not how it works. It's totally how it works. That is how it works with poker. You play the... The way they do it, and Woody may know the exact number, but it's something like... What's the failure rate?

Is it like 1% or something? It's like if you have regular sex for a year, then 1% of the time it'll fail. Or 14 in this case, right? If you're regular sex for a year, or it could even be 5, but it's something like that. If you're regular sex for a year, you've got a

14% chance that you'll be a baby. Yeah, that's absurd. And back to Taylor's point, if a woman ever tells you don't use a condom that's when you put on two mike baldwin has an amazing joke about that where he basically says whatever the woman wants me to do i want to do the opposite because if she says oh you better use a condom then he's like oh she probably says this with everyone so it's probably safe to not use a condom but if she says hey I don't want to use a condom,

I am using a condom. It's a great bet. A little bit of a PSA. What really gets girls pregnant and this is a mistake that people make, is if you go back in. Right? If you have sex, blow all over her titties or whatever it is you're going to do, and then stop.

There's a good chance you won't make a baby. But, if you go back in, there's a good chance you're going to be a and then stop, there's a good chance you won't make a baby. But, if you go back in, there's a good chance you're going to make a father. Wait, go back in how? No, that's never a thing that you've done or been attempted to do? Once I come, I don't want to put it back into that disgusting place.

People do. After I come, I just want to go pee by myself. That's the problem. Yeah, like you need to like shower and, I don't know, rub alcohol on her or something to really kill by myself. That's the problem. You need to shower and rub alcohol on her to really kill those babies. Biologically, and look, maybe you guys are some sort of weird

super dick people. I don't know. Biologically, when you cum, you're not hard. How do you get hard immediately after? I've often got a little time left. Really? I don't think you're cum all the way then I think you're that's possible. Maybe I've been doing it wrong all this Stopping short Got a little left to go and you and then you're using it for the wrong purpose

What if that was true? I would love it if we found out that Woody has been having sex wrong for like what if that was true i would love it if we found out that woody has been having sex wrong for like 25 years like like we had that whole conversation with dick pics where he was like you know just kind of send a semi-soft one right we're like no you get it hard as a rock and you make it look as good as you can you find a flattering angle for you and him right and and you send it and he's like oh steve doesn't know at the age that I would have been in the dick pic game, there were no camera phones, right? Polaroid, baby. I was never there. And so I thought the way this was played, and I said it on the show because I'm stupid,

was that, like, you sent a flaccid pic, but you kind of, like, rig it in your favor, right? Maybe, like, a semi, a little chub. You do a little fluffing. So you're best flaccid. So you're like, this is what I am before I grow. Yeah. Like that kind of thing, even though you've grown a little bit. I'm walking around like this.

Even though you stack the deck in your favor. You know what it is? It's like a realtor where you show someone kind of a shitty house at first, and then you show them the house you're really trying to sell them like is that what you're doing when they take those shots with the wide angle cameras and every room seems gigantic that was like maybe the thought process i i didn't know you went full mast before you took a picture you gotta go full mast because you need to show them what they're gonna get like that would be like trying to take like a picture to show off your body but you do it like sitting down, hunched over. Slunching forward.

It's just your belly. And you're like, hey, imagine what I'm standing up. And they're like, I don't even know if I want to at this point. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea, but I did. I thought that's how it worked. Hey, also, I have an IQ of 86. She's going to be really impressed when I can read. Set the bar low.

Yeah. No, I think that's good. Yeah, under-promise and over-deliver. Of course, you have to have the chance to deliver is the key point here, though. I'd love it if Woody was like, you know, you put it in, and you just hold it there for 20 minutes, and then you're done. Yeah. What, not everyone lasts for an hour?

Oh, you're moving. You just everyone lasts for an hour oh you're moving you just put it in there and you let it stew yeah and she's right she starts to move and he's like no no no you're doing it wrong don't move don't move yeah silence crazy woman you said something smart when you were like the woman who wants you to not use the condom where to and that extends to way more than just condom use because i've found that when women like anything in mass it's terrible like television shows like if you if you see a movie like a trailer you know or a tweet about it and the comment is like women are flocking to see blank zero percent of you goes this is going to be fucking good women are really smart you know

good cinema. Like, you use it as a way to, like, weed out the shit, right? Like, because you don't want... Be real. When you hear a bunch of women like a TV show, you know it's gonna be kind of shit. Well, you know it's gonna be targeted for them. Yeah, it may be well-made. Which is why it would be shit to me.

Yeah, it may be well-made, it may be well-acted, but the subject matter is going to be something that i'm probably not interested in you know yeah i mean the same way that like the same way that people are just like oh you know if if people in their 60s love this film it doesn't mean it's a bad film it just means it's not one i want to see yeah i did not see my fellow co-host defending women on this. Romantic comedy is terrible. Taylor, who's your favorite female comedian? I'm curious. Do you have one? Joan Rivers. Okay.

She was fucking hilarious. Nikki, am I pronouncing it right? She's the only female comedian I've ever watched where I was uproariously laughing. Like Joan Rivers. Nikki Glaser is fantastic. Yeah. I saw her prepping for the Bruce Willis roast and she was just tearing the

fucking room apart she's a regular on uh she's regular on comedy juice she's on it uh probably once or twice a month i have um satellite radio in my semi-new truck and i first found her there in the comedy channel and but i forgot her name so then like i'd hear her there and i i was on like a mission to hunt down who she was. And she was on JRE recently. And that was kind of neat. You got to see a different side of her, like who she really is. And I have a new favorite female comedian, Nikki Glaser. She had some really amazing stuff that she was going to use for the roast that she ended up not using.

Oh, fun. Yeah, just like some really fantastic jokes. Like she did this whole thing about she was talking about like Ed Norton was there and so she was doing like Ed Norton and Bruce Willis' movies and she was just like naming all of them and she's like oh I got sexually assaulted to every one

of those movies it was just so yeah it was like a lot of people say you know don't see the end of you know of Fight Club like don't ruin it like I have no idea what happens because thankfully you know he came and left at that point. So it was a lot of stuff like that. It was really great. She's really naughty.

Which is not a downside to me. But almost to the effect like... Oh, T, we're getting a little risque over here with Naughty Boys. You might be surprised, Taylor. She had a joke. It's been burned into my head recently.

She said that anyone who wears a tank top sucks dick. Male or female, if you're wearing a tank top, you probably suck dick. And I'm like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me. Like, I can picture Freddie Mercury and some trailer park girl in a white tank top.

And that's the full range of tank top wearers. You know what? It's funny when she says it but uh but yes she's great but my favorite uh my favorite right now uh up and coming is taylor tomlinson i don't know this is a girl yeah taylor tomlinson uh she's got a couple things on netflix right now uh if you want to look her up but she's great and like she's someone who she's really young too um she started when she was 16 and it's crazy because she started as a church comic and now she's like not a church comic at all like the uh because when she was on uh last comic she was a finalist on last comic and like they kind of pitched her as that like they you know went went with her to some church gigs she did.

And I said to her, I was like, you're going to get a billion church gigs. And she's like, I don't want to get a billion church gigs. And so then I think she just started writing material where she cannot get church gigs anymore. So the last time I saw her, there was one bit she did that was just fucking filthy. And I was like, really don't want to do the church gigs anymore, do you? She's like, no, not anymore. What was her last name? I grew up Tomlinson, right?

Yeah, Taylor Tomlinson. Okay. I grew up in a religious family, and so we would go to church and stuff. And every once in a while, they'd do something at the church. Like, hey, they're having a funny Christian comedian come down tonight. And it'd be like, oh, boys, let's go see this. And so we'd go. And I still remember. It'd be just the shitty. It'd just be stuff like you know they call it the last supper

but if you're asking me i bet jesus had a snack between then and the crucifixion you'd be like i just made that up it's that bad and then like and then after that and then like after that they'd like after the laugh they'd be like, but seriously, folks, God's no laughing matter. You got to make sure that you'd be like, oh, like, this is just you lecturing me, like, intermittently telling terrible jokes. You'd be like, John the Baptist, you know, what a crazy guy he was. But let's get real for a second, folks. Where would you be? And what could you learn from John the Baptist?

You know, sure, his stories are a little funny. But which ones aren't in this holy book? And it's like, oh, Christ. Like, at nine, like at nine i'm like this sucks but inside baseball on that um a lot of the people who do the you know whatever the specific circuits are like the church circuit or like the like anti d like dui speech circuit and all that stuff are just comedians who failed at being regular comedians and who are just like well you know what i guess if i just write to this specific crowd i'll have less competition and so every now and then like you have someone who's like genuinely good who genuinely believes that garbage but uh i had to follow a guy once at a mercer university in georgia and this guy was so he's a comic who's This guy was a comic who's now, like a former comic,

who's now doing DUI speaking. Basically like, be responsible about it. So he does 40 minutes of kind of funny story about him and his brother. His brother got in a horrible accident. He got sent to jail

and this whole thing. It's this kind of motivational, get your life together speech but then at the end he realizes he's got like 10 minutes left and so he just does some of his old act which included doing jokes about how fun it is to drink like it was amazing and like all the students are just watching to be like are you fucking what this is the same dude but he just had all these like hacky party jokes that yeah it was absolute garbage taylor has a theory that girl scout cookies followed the same career path that they just they were cookies that couldn't compete on the open capitalist market therefore they had to just go into the get the girl charity and i stand so strongly by that because people are like oh, oh, fuck, fucking Thin Mint.

Like, anyone out there is like, I fucking love Girl Scout cookies. No, you don't. No, you don't. Like, you don't actually love them that much. They're not that great. Oh, fucking Thin Mint's been, I can't get enough of these fucking, I love being around seven-year-old girls buying their cookies. You know, like, no. No.

None of those compete with a Double Stuff Oreo. A Double Stuff Oreo shits on any of those Girl Scout cookies, and it's not even close. Oh, Samoa is pretty. No, it's not. Not half as good as a double-stuffed Oreo. Samoa is better. Samoa is amazing. Chewy's Chips Ahoy blows them all the fuck out.

Ew, those are disgusting. I hate Chewy's Chips Ahoy. Kyle, these aren't debates. These are facts. I actually like Chips Ahoy, but not the Chewy ones. I really think Taylor's underestimating the milk absorption. The regular ones are good if you want milk. Fair.

But don't even bring up these mass-produced, like, you know, commercial bullshit. Like, there's also, just in general, like, any bakery cookie is better than any of the Girl Scout cookies. But the difference is that Girl Scout cookies come to your door. Like, the reason people love them is because they're handed to you. Because you do no work to get them. And that's why people like them. It's a convenience factor. Plus you get to feel good about buying them.

If you buy them at the store, you should feel bad about buying them, you fat fuck. But if you're buying them from Girl Scouts, you're really doing a good thing for the world. Buy yourself some double-stuffed Oreos like a grown-up. Yeah. But really, what you're saying, those bakery cookies, those blow out any store-bought ones.

Like, there's a clear hierarchy, and Girl Scout cookies are near the bottom. Fortune cookies are at the very bottom, so I'm not insulting them in that way. Yeah, and fortune cookies, that's another one where it's just basically like, well, this thing doesn't really taste that great, what do we do? I know, we'll trick people into liking it because they can feel better about their life by reading some sort of fortune which by the way when the fuck did fortune stop being fortunes like did they just run out of future things and instead they just give us little little tidbits about ourselves like instead of being like hey here's what will happen which is way more fun to pretend with when you're with a

group of people and you're eating Chinese food and you Get something like hey, you're gonna be rich in the future and you could all talk about how it's gonna happen a blah blah blah But instead it's just like you smile a lot. It's like no fucking don't see I want to open a company where we just make Crude and scary fortune cookies where it'll be like real things where you'll like bite it open and look at it and be it'll read in the next week it's going to start to burn to pee yeah or you just open it up and it's going to be like you will never get the approval of your father why this fortune really hits home you're adopted there's a one in five chance that cookie weight has salmonella yeah i. I would love funny fortunes. I think that there would be absolute room for funny fortunes.

Or accuse random people in that person's life of horrid crimes. Where it'd be like, your stepfather is a rapist. Yeah. Like, I had no idea. Your mother smokes meth. Or just the person to your left. Someone at this table shoplifts.

I feel like one of you is going to tip poorly. Steve, I went to your show. I enjoyed it. Dude, so I enjoyed the show, and then I sort of sat back there like this meta viewer watching how you ran a show.

It was cool. So I assume you're the most experienced comic there because you opened and you closed and the way that you opened was awesome. Not only was it funny, but you made the audience better. You encouraged them not to be a really

hard laugh, to have a good time, to make the most of it. And I don't know. I was just like taking notes the whole time. Thank you, man. This is not his first time doing this. He's setting up all these other comics for success. You loosened up the crowd.

Then all the other three guys were great, and then you closed it and killed it. It was really cool. I enjoyed the show. Thank you. So the reason I open and close, which is not usually done at a comedy club, it's so that was the show that was on my tour specifically. So like 80% of that crowd is there for me. And so if I open with five minutes or so of welcoming everybody, and then I introduce the next comic, it's like I'm vouching for them. And so then my fans can go, okay, well, this is one of his guys so and then that that makes them not start cold also i have experience warming up crowds because i used to have to when i was filming laughs like i would warm up the audience before we would film uh-huh and so that's kind of where i learned how to do that stuff so the stuff that what he's talking about uh for the for the people who were not there uh Everyone but me. Yeah, exactly. No, there were some PKA people there.

Yeah, that's right. There were, there were. Yeah, and so for the people who were not there, it's basically like I say that you determine how much fun you have tonight. Like if... And I won't go into the whole bit, but one of the things I say is if you guys don't enjoy yourself,

I want the show to go well, but if it doesn't, like I have another show tomorrow. So I don't care. Like you, you guys have to decide to have fun and it kind of loosens them up. And, and they realize like,

Oh yeah, we made our night about this. So let's not try to be tough. Cause so many people have that arms folded bullshit of, you know, that, that hipster better than you attitude. And so it's just just it's addressing that the magic was in how you were able to make them be a better crowd without like lecturing them right like someone who didn't know what they were doing

would walk up there and preach at them and like all right you guys you know if you're assholes then it's your fault for being an asshole and then that doesn't warm up the crowd that shuts them down right you mean me two years ago is that right just yeah i mean i had to learn i had to learn like what worked and and what works basically is positivity like you guys can be this not don't do this and so it's you know and it's making fun of you know when i when i do one of the jokes is like some people come to a comedy show. They have this like hipster closed off energy of like you fuckers better be funny. And I'm like, well, you better be a good crowd. There's nothing I can do if you're an asshole. Like if someone hurt you a long time ago, work that shit out in the parking lot.

Then you come inside. And like doing that kind of I'm making fun of another. Like I'm not saying, hey, you in the crowd, you're like this. It's like, oh, there was some other people who could have come here who were total dicks and right we're not that aren't we cool and it's like the emperor's new jokes it's it's basically you know convincing people to uh you know to to let loose a little bit and enjoy themselves and then the other guys by the way so let me let me plug the other guys so the guys i was touring with uh are uh and Rob Ryan. So they were both on that show. Those are my guys.

And then Mark was a local guy. But yeah, Brett and Rob toured with me for... Brett's been my opener for three years, and Rob toured with me for a couple months this year. And they had a ton of fun on that one, too. And it was interesting for them to see... Because I've talked to them about PKA before, and they see people come to shows

and they see people wearing the pka hats and coming over to me and being like fuck legitimate rage and they're just like what is this so then i explained to them what it was uh and then sometimes i'll get questions during the q a about pka too but uh for them to see it live and to see how like excited everybody was uh i think they thought that that was really cool too yeah i had a good time and before the show i mean there was a piece of me that was like all right i committed to do this uh i would really enjoy being a lazy sloth on my couch tonight instead but i'm gonna go out and i'm really glad i did so uh yeah you turned me around too so i i i appreciate that and also like i will say compliments to you for sticking around as long as you did because so after the show i mean we got like 250 people at that show

and so the merch line is really long and so it takes probably about an hour for us to get through that whole line and meanwhile like woody was just hanging out with like you know one or two dozen pka people who were there who were just chilling and like you didn't have to do that like you absolutely didn't have to give them access to you for that long i thought that was pretty cool it's kind of an honor like some of those people drove away to see me and uh yeah you know i appreciate them too like i i thought it was like a really nice thing you did now i realize it was all ego no no i didn't come across right and also they know what he drives so well who doesn't love him no like i there are some people like i don't know they were happy to see me and i i

couldn't just blow them off so no i know i know what you mean that's why i do the whole merch line like that's why you know and also because people buy stuff but like that's why you know i'll wait around as long as people are being kind about it. And it is weird, though, sometimes when people – like did you get anybody being weird to you or was it all pretty normal? I have this character flaw in that if people think really highly of me, I assume that they're wrong. So like, oh, your compliments are all misplaced. Come back to me with your insults and uh you know some of them had like like things i've said over the years that had a positive

impact on them or you know how much they you know they value my my videos and uh in my head i'm just like yeah we're gonna have to move past these kind words because they're don't fit i yeah i'm i'm flawed what do you just like i'm not enjoying this tell me about the audio please yeah be like don't you guys have problems with the production quality of this conversation yeah yeah so that's so i heard nikki glazier say that on jre too she's like it's not like you know i take in all the positive words of affirmation i just sit there and read the the nasty comments and let those sink in and i'm like oh my gosh like yeah i need to stop that absolutely like there are people who like i got i got an email from this guy i mean this was the most like incredible should have been life-changing

message i got where this guy basically he was a fan and his mother knew that i really liked my video that he really liked my videos and he uh had this brain disease uh i don't remember the name of it but it's something super rare that most people die from he had like a like a 12 chance of survival and he slips into a coma and his mother still plays the stuff he likes including my videos and allegedly i don't know how true this is but allegedly like his brain waves would increase while she was playing my videos for him wow and so he eventually comes out of the coma he beats this disease he's one of the rare people who actually beats it and he sends me this email that was like super nice about just like how basically he thinks I saved his life and he's and he and

please never stop doing comedy and etc etc that email should have been enough to last me for years of negative shit you know like literally I saved a human being and meanwhile I get a comment on my Facebook to be like you're an idiot and I'm just like you son of a bitch

and then I'm in that mode again you should just paste that as a response to every single negative thing yeah well this guy And I'm just like, you son of a bitch. And then I'm in that mode again. You should just paste that as a response to every single negative thing. Yeah, well, this guy with brain problems disagrees, idiot. And then they'll feel bad. Yeah, this guy with a brain disease thinks I'm funny. Wait, that doesn't sound good at all. You probably gave it to him with your comedy, idiot.

No. No, stupid. I actually recently, on my my facebook i finally made a decision because it's growing enough that i decided to have moderators and so uh i got mods and i basically like made a couple of rules and they're pretty simple it's you know very much like if you're a dick to me no warning you're gone because why are you here what is the point of you being on my facebook if you don't like me like i don't need you you're a dick to me, no warning. You're gone. Because why are you here? What is the point of you being on my Facebook if you don't like me? I don't need you. You're not a customer. If you're a dick to someone else, there's a warning.

Basically be like, hey, treat each other like human beings. And I also banned the word libtard. And I banned it saying, I don't care what your politics are. But if you're that dumb that you think that that's a clever word, then you don't enjoy my comedy. There's no way that someone who's like, Libtard, got him! Like, that guy, I don't need that guy. Did you get rid of cuck, too?

No, because I didn't get rid of cuck, because I think sometimes, every now and then, someone's trying to spell cuck and just writes it wrong. So, you know, I don't want to have them in collateral damage. Right, they could have been giving you a compliment with cuck in it. Yeah with cock in it yeah be like oh you've got such a nice cock and i'm like this guy's trying you know he's really yeah that happens all the time so could could have made that a girl didn't i don't know why anyway uh for all these people commenting like getting mad at me

for like curtailing their free speech and i just found that so funny of like it's not free speech you're on my fucking facebook like i could do what i want like you're on a private you're on a private website and someone's page like i can i can make whatever the fuck rules i want i can say you cannot make a comment while using the letter i see that's what i was just thinking like if i ran a big facebook page i would not tell anyone and just, like, ban the word the. And people would be so confused about why they're getting banned. This is my comment posting. I don't understand.

All I wrote was the libtard has a big cuck. Yeah, I mean, you should be able to censor your own Facebook page, of course. Whatever you want. Or, like, you could also see it as a way like you could win over those fuckers right like when someone calls you a cuck or a libtard or something like i'm sure there's a chance you could win them over the chances of turning around someone who says libtard are so infinitesimally small okay libtard you're right cuck is more realistic because cuck has been around for so long that it's, like, passe. That, like, most people now use it almost ironically to, like, make fun of prior use, if that makes sense.

Yeah, but just the idea of someone who... Because there are people who will say, like, I'll write something, you know, tolerant of a human being, you know, and that really bothers some people. And, you know, where I'll just be you know and that really bothers some people and you know where i'll just be like hey uh women are also people how dare you you know so uh like i'll write i'll write something like that usually in a joke form uh you know i'll write something like that and then uh there'll be people be like you just lost a fan i'm like all right have you ever been to a live show do you own any of my albums do you own my book no you're not a fan like you're not you're someone who casually watched one of my videos once

and accidentally clicked like like you're not i'm not a fan just saying yeah i'm like i check at least a few of those boxes yeah you've been you've been to a show for for sure. I was in St. Louis recently, Taylor. When? A couple weeks ago. I played Helium. Yeah. I've never been there before. Where is it? I don't even know where that is in the city. It's actually like the outskirts of town. It's in like Crivecore, I think it's called. Oh, okay.

It's in the county. Alright. Yeah, yeah. It's like technically city, maybe, or like right outside. Anyway, point is, you didn't come to the show and I'm very hurt. I have not done a show near Kyle because why? I don't... It's a much larger city

than either of these two. No, Atlanta I play all the time. I thought you were in like the sticks of Georgia. No, I'm in Atlanta. You're in Atlanta? Oh yeah, then I played there too. You fuckers didn't come to my show. Oh, I knew. Atlanta. You're in Atlanta? Oh yeah, then I played there too. You fuckers didn't come. Oh, I knew. Kyle was at the club. I just left before you came on.

Kyle was there for the previous guy. He's like, this opener was great. My comedy vat is filled. I don't want to overshare. Kyle, are you literally, do you have an Atlanta address or is it some town or city not far from Atlanta? Yeah, I'm in Atlanta. Oh wow, I didn't know that.

I assumed you were in like, because I always see like the videos that you've done and they're like you're on some big ass Yeah, that's all filmed. Well, I mean some of it's in like New Mexico and like all over the country, but a vast majority of that's like out in the stakes of Georgia. Yeah, so that's why I assumed you lived there.

He did. Kyle moved not too long ago. Also, also, you know, I know Atlanta really well and a lot of black people live there he did kyle moved not too long also also you know i know atlanta really well and a lot of black people live there so i just assumed you wouldn't want to i'm a big fan of black people i get along with them very well i'm a big fan but there are there are jews there too so i also assumed you'd be afraid of them them not so much yeah fair kyle has them ranked a couple couple echelons below blacks. Do you know about the... But above the Irish. So, in Atlanta, there are two establishments that I find very, very funny.

One is Bulldogs. Do you know what Bulldogs is? No. Bulldogs is... It's in Midtown. It's right across the street from one of the comedy clubs I used to play there. It's a gay bar, but it's a thug gay bar. And when I say it's a thug gay bar, I'm not saying like, oh, a lot of black people go there.

No, I'm not racist. I'm saying that legit, like, there's a difference between like a thug bar, and like, it is straight up, like it's a gay bar where everybody there is just thugged at like gold chains like crazy. So you want your ass fucked? Yeah, exactly.

That's what it is. I call it a haven for black bears. That's basically what it is. And I just find like that, I don't know of any other place that's like that in the country. You're going to be my little Jew cub.

It's a little Jew cub. And then the other one is the Claremont lounge that you have to know about i've heard of the claremont lounge what you of all people have not been to the claremont lounge no the claremont lounge is the world's only sarcastic strip club ah it is the most of the strippers there are over 60 years old it is hilarious there was one it's like everyone who wants to strip in another club but could never so like there's one that's kind of cute but she's got like tons of tattoos on like she's of like you know normal person age and uh one of the tattoos

she's got this tattoo on her back where it's like four stars but it's like three outlines and the bottom one is filled in and my buddy just goes, ah, looks like she's about to die in Zelda. The way my friend Cleveland Jackson, who's a comic, the way he described Claremont, he goes, it's like eating Waffle House with your eyes. That does sound like, that honestly sounds like more fun than a regular strip club. It's so

much fun. The, like, one of the strippers that, like, the featured one that, like, everybody knows about is a blondie. She's uh, like, one of the strippers that, like, the featured one that, like, everybody knows about is a blondie. She's this, like, 65 year old woman who crushes a beer can with her pancake tits. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, Kaia's like,

oh, the clever one, I've been there. The titty smash, yeah. Yeah, she does. I've seen that move on the internet. But she then puts lipstick on And then kisses the smushed can And gives it to you like you're gonna put it on your Fucking fireplace

Like a trophy And then there's another one that's just Like super bizarre Where she like as she's giving you A lap dance when your friend buys one for you When you don't know about it Cause you wouldn't buy one for yourself There's no way like it is a and i don't know if the girls know like i don't know if these

women know that like each time someone buys a lap dance it's punishment for your friend you know what i mean it's like i'm sure they know yeah and they're i guess they're just okay with it 20 bucks yeah yeah where she'll just like she like touches like one of her tits and i'm trying to remember it but she said something like i think think, yeah, she's like ham and eggs, ham and eggs, like with her different tits, and then she like, she like flashes you her vagina, and she goes peach cobbler. It's the weirdest shit. I have no idea why she does it, but she does it. Hilarious every time. Hilarious every time. You know, it would be funnier if they, like, they wheel out, like, a demented woman who doesn't know where she is, and she's, like, 91, and to get her clothes off.

Like, she's confused and bamboozled. Like, you have to have orderlies out there stripping her for her. Oh, God. Oh, you made this not as fun. You pretend to be her widow. Just stripping this poor woman. Where am I? Your sunbeam tonight, you agatha yeah it's trying to think

of a woman name it's actually a it's like a kind of a hot spot in atlanta because it's so ridiculous and so like a lot of times when tourists will come in like i've been there a couple of times like one time i was there woody harrelson was there one time i was there denaro was there just because like if anyone's like shooting movie, that's where the afterparty is. And the way to get there, like, the directions I give people, I go, alright, you take a right on Peachtree, you drive for

four miles, and then as it looks like you're about to die, take a right into the parking lot. Like, that's the neighborhood it's in. I give those same directions to people here in St. Louis and they always get lost. It looks like I'm going to die here. This parking lot looks sketchy too.

Okay. Do you guys want to see Snoop Dogg roasting Kanye? Yes, please. Can I begin by saying Snoop Dogg's an absolute asshole. Remember when he was doing... And he's a racist. Can we watch this and then people might share your

opinion? Yeah. Wait. I like Snoop Dogg. Wait, I just missed it. You might change your mind. I can post it again if that helps. Oh, no, no. I got it. I found it. And it's yeah, new Skype thing is bullshit. The Snoop Dogg episode of Arian Foster's podcast was amazing. Really?

Yeah, yeah. He has to win me back. You'll see why in 90 seconds he did before we watch this he did like uh you he had this ufc commentating gig and he was he's always so racist if there's a white fighter involved like when what uh remember when um mayweather was fighting mcgregor yeah how like he everybody was a good sport after that fight except for snoop dogg like like they're embracing in the ring you know everybody's everybody's over like the the hype or whatever and he's over the yeah fuck that white boy yeah fuck him up he's just screaming he's just super racist and angry aren't you happy with your billions of dollars

snoop dogg i don't know anything about snoop but i did like that last year he was like the intro musician guy for the nhl uh all-star game and he was supposed to play censored versions of his songs and apparently he was just like fuck that and so like it's on nbc and it's just like loud n bombs and everything from him as like even the hockey players are like skating around like really like okay i saw a uh i played a uh casino where snoop was playing there uh shortly thereafter and obviously in different different size theaters and uh the woman like there was this woman who went up to like go get snoop tickets and she was you know

probably this like 55 year old soccer mom and she was so excited that snoop was coming in I was like I wonder how he feels about that being his demo now like I wonder if you watch the video yeah right so the way is like oh it's just one yeah I'm ready all right yeah three, play. I may be on a late freight, but I just found out who Kiki was. Kiki is your bitch. That's why you're so mad. Because Drake put dick in your bitch. He did.

So he's talking to Kanye. I like that song, but I don't know why I liked it. I really like it. Now, Kiki, do you love me? Remember sucking me? And everything, everything, everything, everything inside you. Look at him. He's got got a shark tooth necklace on. Did you give a little bit or a lot of bit? Kiki, do you love me? You bet you.

So you'll never leave me. Also, he looks like he's on the set of a commercial. He does. What is? Yeah, for hair plugs. Is Snoop almost done over there? What is? I don't even understand half of this.

What is happening? Don't call me when I'm watching the Steeler Games. All pause it there with the stealer thing yeah so basically i don't know why snoop dog's mad at kanye but there's a song where drake says kiki do you love me and then i guess drake makes mention of the fact that he fucked kim kardashian who is now of course married to kanye and snoop puts this video it's current this is like four days ago as we you know talk about it yeah and uh he's just roasting kanye because he married a non-virgin i suppose well i think he's saying that the reason kanye doesn't like drake like i think if i understand it took me a second because i was like i don't even know who kiki was but uh i think

i think what he's saying is okay i get it the reason kanye has such a problem with drake is you're mad that like drake fucked kim before you so he's making no idea i think he's making fun of kanye for like letting that get to him uh snoop's mad at kanye because uh he's uh sort of supporting donald trump he called him an uncle tom and some other words sure but a lot of people are a lot of people are mad at kanye for that especially because kanye was the guy who was like george bush doesn't like black people and now george bush is like i don't think kanye does either that is one of the funniest fucking clips him standing there with mike Mike Myers as Katrina's going down,

and Mike Myers doesn't know it's coming. And you see the immediate look of, like, half panic, half being flabbergasted when he's like, also, George Bush doesn't care about black people. And Mike Myers, like, starts shifting on his feet. But the important thing is to donate to the people. Yeah, Mike Myers is like, I shouldn't even be here. I'm Canadian.

Why am I even here? Yeah, why am I even here? Snoop lost points with me when he started ripping on UFC fighters. I didn't, I guess, have the pattern recognition to catch the racist, like always dislike the white guy. But usually when two guys fight in the UFC, even the loser gets kind of like bravery credits. If you go in there and you just get rocked,

well, you stepped into the octagon. You made it to the UFC. You're not a chump, even though that night you didn't do well. And Kanye would get this UFC commentating gig, and he's just Snoop. I'm sorry. Thank you. Snoop got this UFC comment. They. And he's just... Snoop. Snoop. I'm sorry. Thank you. Snoop got this UFC...

They don't all look alike, Woody. And he's just ripping on fighters so disrespectfully that people who are used to watching this stuff don't see that much. He made fun of Cormier when he cried. That's pretty funny. Really harshly. I mean, that is pretty funny.

He cried because he was concussed. He had brain damage. I already said it was funny, Kyle. Stop adding more funniness to it. See, I would be pissed too at Snoop Dogg if I were Kanye and I found out that the crippled kid

from Degrassi fucked my wife. Like, that's pretty embarrassing. Wait, what? Drake played the crippled kid in Degrassi in that Canadian sitcom. I did not know that. Yeah. I mean, I knew that Degrassi was a Canadian show,

but I didn't know. Also, by the way, sitcom? Really? That might be a little... Okay, not drama, teen drama, whatever it was. I was like, teen soap opera? I just love the idea of a sitcom. It just opens up and be like, Degrassi!

In this episode, one of them gets assaulted we'll see how it plays out like in this episode jenna gets imparted with lasting trauma see how she handles it yeah see how she handles it and by the way she's pregnant and they just oh oh all those shows sucked. I never saw them. They were just not Degrassi. Late 90s, early 2000s. Yeah, my sister was a big fan of Degrassi, and it was one of those things that, like, I think we got it a couple years after it was in Canada.

And then there was a reboot of it also. But I didn't know that Drake was ever on it. I had no idea. I'm pretty sure Snoop Dogg follows me on Twitter. I should send him something mean. You should use your Twitter. Or give it to me. Fuck. I'll use it. Give me a blue checkmark, I'll have a heyday

on there. Why don't you have a blue checkmark? Because it's a fucking stupid account. I'm not going to actually send them. I don't even know what's required to get a blue checkmark. But's a fucking stupid account that i'm not gonna actually like like send them there i don't even know what's required to get a blue check mark but i'm fine without it i thought i thought for a while like there was like when i first was on the show and like you know i saw you know all the accounts and obviously you know i followed you guys didn't really know you well but i was like oh yeah i'm gonna i'm on the show i should you know do that and uh and then there were all these people who were saying that your account was

a fake taylor account that's really funny for them yeah like everybody i don't think they were fucking with me i think they like genuine like looking back through and i was like really and like i tried to search on it and i was like i don't know i was like is this a super fan of the show or is this taylor i don't know that guy's fooled 35 000 people and that happens i had a fake uh ed snowden account before ed snowden was on twitter uh i had an account it's still active i don't tweet on it but it's uh at floodward snowden and uh all these people and like i was tweeting, like, you know, just the Russian Daily Show is very similar to the American Daily Show, just with more bears. You know, just ridiculous shit like that.

And then, and all these people were following, and people were so angry and also calling me a hero. And it says, like, in the bio, it says, not actually Edward Snowden, but then again, aren't we all? it says not actually edward snowden but then again aren't we all and like and there are still people even to this day every now and then i'll like log in and it's still all all these mentions of people who are like tweeting at it and it's followed by thousands of people who thought it was really yeah exactly there are huge accounts out there that are fake there's a guy named sean spicier he's got hundreds of thousands of followers, and he's even gotten his bio. I'm not Sean Spicer, but at Washington Post, at CNN, at Fox News, at Huffington Post, at ABC, at CBS, think I am. Because they've all used him like, Sean Spicer saying ridiculous things in light of being removed from the you know uh

press guy and and it's it's just him saying obscene shit it's great i love there's a dude there's a there's a politician in south africa uh named i think it's named steven hofstadter and it's i think it's with a ph and it's definitely like with an a and maybe a d in the last name it's clearly spelled differently and also he's like 20 an a and maybe a d in the last name it's clearly spelled differently and also he's like 20 years older than me and looks nothing like me and also is from south africa and every probably every two weeks i'll get someone really upset with him tweeting at me like tweeting and just this just and it took me a little bit to figure out what the fuck was going on and because it was very specific about south african politics and my favorite are the people who call him stupid and

i mean it sounds like he is a dickhead but like the people who call him stupid and then i'll just be like hey speaking of stupid um maybe you should not tweet at someone with a different name who lives in a different place who's a comedian like maybe you should know who the fuck you're tweeting at before you get indignant about how dumb someone else is i got a deal with hate mail on the south african press has kind of picked up on it and every now and then they'll like they'll like feature one of the tweets where someone's mad at me for being this other guy that's great it's you're you're like quasi famous in south africa now yeah it's very it's very but in not a good way like he is definitely like pro apartheid like piece of shit.

But, like... I mean, South Africa is booming. I haven't heard negative news about that place in ages. No, no, they're doing really well there. Yeah, I did comedy there. And it's amazing to see the middle-aged white people justify that they weren't fighting against apartheid. Like, just the very, like, you know, it's, uh... You know, look, it wasn't know it's uh you know look it wasn't good but you know uh it wasn't as bad as people say like that kind of attitude because it's

like they were complicit and they know it but it's also fun to fuck with them like as a comedy crowd like coming in as an outsider because they've only had i mean they've only had stand-up comedy for about a decade and they've only even had free speech for like two decades so it's amazing like the frontier comedy was there and so like i told them i was like yeah i was gonna do apartheid jokes but i figured i would keep them in a separate part of my set they got so mad at me really that's funny like well i mean the young people laughed and then the older people are like right right well i never. And it's like, actually, you did for decades. You did for your whole life. Then everything went to shit. I didn't even know you actually went to South Africa.

What was it like? Like, where'd you go? I went to Cape Town for most of it. And then I also went to Stellenbosch, which is like kind of their Napa. It's like their wine country. Stellenbosch is super nice. Cape Town is gorgeous. It's probably where I'd want to retire. that's like their wine country uh stalin bosch is super nice cape town is gorgeous it's what it's

probably where i where i'd want to retire the the topography is like it's like malibu with mountains it's back in 40 years on it yeah it's no cape town is beautiful it's different joe berg is is from what i hear a lot tougher uh cape town is very touristy but the craziest part is that like there are so many amazing places there but but the slums are terrifying. And, like, there are places where legit, like, I'm not making this up, where people, like, people who were assigned to us were, like, do not set foot in there. You probably will not make it out if you do. And there are also it's such institutionalized distrust of the government, which is part of why I'm so scared of the like sowing this distrust in the media and sowing distrust in the judiciary, etc. Because there's such institutionalized distrust in the government there that there's a huge problem with these slums and like homeless.

And so there are like these nice government buildings that get built for them because they have like these, you know, shacks that are the size of a bed a bed and all they have in there is a bed and that's it. Like Section 8 kind of stuff you're talking about? Absolutely. That and worse. They get, like in a lottery, they get given these places and then they don't want to move into them. They want to stay in the slum.

Sometimes what they'll do is they'll just rent them out to someone else, keep the money, and stay in the slum and like sometimes what they'll do is they'll just like rent them out to someone else keep the money and stay in the slum because there's they believe that like oh yeah i'll get to live there for a little bit and then they'll just take it away from me so why would i go there it's it's institutionalized distrust it's terrifying that'd be like a nice even if they kick out though i'd want to get out of the slums for a bit right well i mean i mean it's probably an upgrade from st louis but like it's uh yeah it's strong point take that for not coming to my show next time i'll come yeah all right um i'm gonna take i'm taking a break i gotta feed my dog okay all right ed sure yeah

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They started with the shaving stuff. Then they went to the butt. Don't we all? And then now they're doing like body wash and shampoo, and our whole bathroom is all dollar shaved up. Do you think anyone named Charlie is now nicknamed One Wipe Charlie? I hope so. One Wipe Charlie by their friends?

I bet many Charlies have been nicknamed One Wipe Charlie. One Wipe Charlie, the smelliest man in class. Even if it requires many more wipes he's one wipe charlie or maybe it's just someone who like is just you know known for not being very smelly so he's probably only needs one wipe he's good to go if you're only notable achievement so that your asshole doesn't smell like shit you should branch out you know like kyle's made many points that his asshole is always clean enough to eat if he still does other things you should make yeah yeah do you get uh do you get like really proud when like you do would you do like a one wipe and you're like oh

that's all i needed today it makes me feel healthy yeah and then i'll think like but is that healthy like or is it not? How many wipes is an appropriate amount of wipes? If it comes out like a liquid shit, you're like, something's up. Something's wrong. That's not a healthy poop. Wipe it until it's red so you know it's clean. Oh, God. That one makes me feel so bad.

That made me cringe. If it bleeds a little, you got it all like what I'm dating yeah, we understand What are you saying is you wipe hard enough to cause little little contusions little cuts near your asshole? And what you see there is indicative of the fact that shit is no longer present Oh, so he didn't mean that you have like a special toilet paper that like turns red when it senses. There's no shit left I thought that's what he meant. Oh, i could say exactly what i said again twice yeah you can let me know whenever i've had like a whenever i've had like a woman staying with me like it's one of those things where i'm like i can't buy enough toilet paper both like it's it's so oh thanks it's so uh

ridiculously the amount and it makes me feel self-conscious because I'm like, am I not using enough? Why is half the roll gone from one shit? Do you know what I mean? When you walk into the bathroom in your place after a chick has come out and you see the toilet and there's clearly a tampon in there that they've done the whole, if I wrap it up in a bunch of toilet paper, it won't be embarrassing. But they use an insane amount of toilet paper where it's like... They just built a new toilet out of toilet paper? There's a toilet paper bowling ball in my trash can. Do you think I don't know what's there?

Yeah, there's a totally clean and dry ball of toilet paper that's kind of conical in shape. Of course, you know you're on your period. dry ball of toilet paper that's kind of conical in shape. Like, no, of course. You know, you're on your period. Stop wasting my toilet paper. You know what's the worst? Early on in my life, I probably couldn't have figured that out. But, like, once you see it once, then you're like, oh, that's what that is.

Yeah. When I was a kid living in New Jersey, my brother had a girlfriend. And, you know, six months into dating her, we had to like – we hired someone to do it. But they had to dig up like the plumbing pipe in the backyard, the like eight-inch diameter one because it was all clogged up with tampons that she had been routinely flushing in our toilet. I thought for a moment that you were saying toy ponds like it's like a training tampon. That's what you use when you're practicing and it's just like well i know mom doesn't do that because you know we see the toilet paper wrapped up things and uh it's not one of the boys so yeah you know we're gonna have to talk to talk to pat's girlfriend at the time let her know to stop flushing her tampons in our toilet that's

gotta be a rough conversation yeah okay oh she's like oh did i stuff the toilet be like no we digged up the yard we dug up the yard we dug up the entire yard yeah because of your there's like an excavator involved like it wasn't a small thing i just imagine your dad billing her an itemized receipt when i'm when i'm in uh like if i'm in a hotel and i use a condom i will like i i try to add a respect like i feel bad enough for hotel housekeepers like i try i try to do the whole like wrap it up in toilet paper and throw it in the garbage so that like it's not obvious that this is even with the wrapper so it's not obvious because like it's bad enough that housekeepers know like the

ill shit that goes on in hotels but while they're cleaning they don't need to think about it you know what i mean so like i try to go out of my way to like wrap that up and throw it out fling on the wall like spaghetti to see like i want to inspire i want to inspire them to find a better life for themselves you know they all have more potential than being a house cleaner and so what i'll do is i will take my used condom full of cum and I'll staple it high on the wall. High enough that the average Hispanic woman can't reach.

And that way when she comes in, it's a reminder of man, you know what? I'm better than this. I'm better than this. You know what? This is the last... Rosita, this is the last day that you're doing this. You're getting out there. You're finding something better. And I can't count how many women I've probably helped. This is the same logic that you're doing this. You're getting out there. You're finding something better. And I can't count how many women I've probably helped. This is the same logic

that fat shamers use. Oh yes, my assholishness is really an act of kindness, so this person can turn it around. I tweeted that two days ago. I said, body shaming works, only fat retards disagree. And I got a lot of support.

A lot of people agreed. From other horrible people terrible people oh i i love my twitter followers they're great like they always know how to roll i i uh yesterday i said i've you know everybody needs a hobby recently i've taken up cat calling and it's really put me in a better mood like yeah and if like when people actually get pissed off about that kind of stuff they're fucking retarded like you you you can't be so fucking dumb that you don't realize clear jokes in front of you like so when i see people not take that like take that seriously it's like you know i'm joking and i know i'm joking so you're kind of lying i i did a uh i put up a uh like a little stand-up shot with a bit the other day that said, the Plan B pill is available over the counter, which makes it the Plan A pill.

I saw that. Very, very funny. Thank you. Simple joke. Yeah, that's right. The fake Taylor account. So, until you get a blue check, I won't believe it's you. So, the amount of people who commented something to the effect of like no a condom is the plan a pill yeah yeah that's the that's why there's a joke i'm subverting that's kind of that's the crux of what i'm saying here yeah and then and then uh someone else wrote this whole long thing about like how dare you suggest that people should go out and get the plan b pill ahead of time in case they rape someone i'm like well that's really not part of the joke at all like this is a joke about consensual sex that you

decide not to have a baby that's a thing that happens also uh yeah so that's that's one girl with plan b because you knew it's i'm glad you came back in time for this story i wonder if it tastes bad no No, it's a pill. Pills taste terrible sometimes, like aspirin. I don't even like the taste of my Mopi. Don't be an amateur. Haven't you ever drugged a woman before? No, I was putting it like butter on the vegetables.

I don't know what I was thinking. But you can never know if they're going to finish their whole drink, so I like to grind up seven or eight and dump them in there. And they just have a rip roaring period after by the way this this let me just say i gotta go on record and say this is disgusting you use a pill pocket like for a dog you know like you put the yeah then you make it i wrap my plan b in a piece of cheese and then i feed it to the woman i just had sex with. Hey, you want a piece of... Hey! Hey!

Jesus Christ. You coat it in peanut butter. That's the important part. You put it in cheese. Here, Taylor, what you really do is you put it in cheese, then you coat it in peanut butter, and then you put that in the freezer. Because then, like, you know, and then it becomes like a treat. But it's so cute to watch the women licking the top of their mouth trying trying to get it off you know this is when all of our political careers ended right right in this bit i let me just go on record and say i'm offended i'm horribly offended

we were fine up until then though yeah exactly yeah you guys were all gonna be senators was using so much plan b that that i started i started saying like dude it's called plan b not plan a you're buying way too much the pharmacist cut him off really the pharmacist was like you what are you doing who are you buying this for someone else like he thought he was like he thought he's like you're buying so much of this you must be buying this and selling this to people like like on some sort of like weird black market or something like like you can't have anymore he was buying it like twice a week he was using it as birth control for different girls stands for no the same girl

oh shit i'm terrible for you i know a story of uh so they're definitely you know i mean living in la there are definitely tons of stories about like because celebrities use Instagram to get laid also. And so, like, I know I know of a story where where someone's friend hooked up with a famous dude. And then he drove her the next morning, even though they used a condom, just to be sure. He drove her to the pharmacy, bought her a Plan plan b pill watched her eat it and then checked her mouth to see if she swallowed it that's the kicker right it was fairly normal until he uh inspected the mouth oh well you have to like get your finger on the flashlight yeah exactly just a little are you checking your meds like buddy yeah it's really really bad for the same woman to take a plan b over and over and over like

it they have bad periods after one plan b instantly like what is plan b supposed to do it it gives you an instant period like the entire uh the inside of your um it sheds your uterine uterine lining yeah yes yes you you have an insta-period the next day. Ah! Yeah, so if there's a baby attached to it, out he or she goes. So not only, hold on a second, so not only was this guy basically,

because if he's giving her the Plan B pill like twice a week, basically he's like, Plan B pill, she has her period, he waits for that to end, they fuck again, cycle cycle i have to believe this super period that he's he's delivering the uh the message to an office that's under reconstruction she's going through four or five eggs a month she's she's gonna run out very quick oh she's burning i didn't even think about that yeah she's burning she's got a finite number of eggs all the good ones i don't think it's true that absolutely is true those 40 year

old eggs make some rotten birds i i don't think that like i like are you saying that menopause hits when you use your last egg because that's actually how kyle got food poisoning yes well i mean like women are born with all the eggs that they'll ever have yeah yeah they're not any kind of grow they they these like cells turn into eggs yeah like the potential for it is like they're not going to get any more but they don't stop having periods when they run out of those cells they've got i have no idea how it works oh so like you think that the possibility if you give someone too much plan b that they'll go into menopause quicker because their eggs are like well we're

all out that's exactly how it works. They didn't use those words, but I thought that's what they were saying. And see, like, he's not giving her the plan B and then waiting for the period to end. He's probably just fucking through the period. Which I think I'm in the majority. Kyle says he does not care for it at all to fuck on a girl's

period. I have zero problem with that. I don't care one bit to fuck on a girl's period. Let's have a party. Well, I don't do that. I don't care one Well, I don't do that that's I don't want to taste Red There's nothing wrong because yours is not died but bread with period Do you know Seems like oh it tastes like pennies no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I know. I have a great idea. Yeah, so one week a month, he's got a red beard.

I also have no problem with, you know, you throw a towel down, and you, you know, and absolutely, oh, Kyle. And I have another ally. Happy to have another ally. Absolutely. I'm not a fucking child.

I feel like the Kyle method is just to have more women on different cycles. You know, you say these things, and you really fuck up my sex life and you do it a lot. It's a service I offer. I will have to answer for your comments. Well, by the way, Kyle, if there's any woman that watches this show and still fucks you, then she doesn't care. So hearing the stuff you've said, that's not going to be the deal breaker. You think that's really, that's the straw? Right.

That's the camel's back, that's the straw right there? They have a sense of humor. They know the real Kyle. I'm not actually a racist, misogynistic piece of shit, you know? I am a misogynist. In real life, I'm just racist. That's how Kyle and i complete each other with the yin and the yang i don't have the racism but but he doesn't have the sexism yeah i i will say like basically the evolution of period sex in my life was that you know you don't try at first i was like oh icky like the first time it happened

by accident or like someone didn't think it was starting yet or someone thought it was over whatever it is and then you finish and you're just like oh god what happened to me uh and then uh eventually you just do that enough times it was like oh what do you do you rinse off you grab a washcloth i'm fine who cares just hop in the shower and run it on your lower body you're fine absolutely i've told this story many times but i have had the ultimate period sex right i fucked that hooker in texas that time and she was on her period but she had put in a diaphragm to like hold back the gates of hell and i knocked it loose and so i got like a full day's flow instantly and it my pubic hair was covered in it. My entire pubic region was bloody. And I laughed it off and had a good time and made like bloody Mary jokes. And I was like, as long as you get

these sheets changed, you call downstairs, you hand them the sheets, you explain this, we're good. I didn't care at all. But does it mean that I'm jumping right back in that blood soaked monstrosity? No, it, most vaginas are bad enough already. Like Max said last week on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, it's roadkill and roast beef. Let me just say that Woody's comments about your sex life is really what's going to prevent people from fucking you after listening to this. That's really what's cock-blocked you.

Was that the first time you'd fucked a woman on her period, Kyle? Or was there a previous time where you'd done it and it kind of... Because you didn't know she was on her period then. No.

So there was no reservation. Was there a time you did it when you were younger that turned you off of it? No, I don't think so. I think that was the very first time. And I did it afterwards knowingly a time or two.

And it's just not my thing. I would rather just wait. I'd rather just havely a time or two. And it's just not my thing. I would rather just wait. I'd rather just have her go down on me and we'll wait a few days than to get all up in that. And then I have to. I'd rather have sex with a beautiful woman. I'm weird that way. I've had the opposite evolution of Steve, right? Like young Woody was like, dude, I don't care.

I want to fuck. Getting it in! Let's fuck! And then as the years go by, you know, like, hey, you down? Eh. I could do Tuesday. Yeah, Tuesday works, you know, and just you can... I can wait, you know? I can hang on for two days. It'll be even better!

Come on! You don't have to wait, though. You can do it then and when the period's over yeah they're like how about tuesday i'm like and also today yeah there you go never have steve and i've been on the same page as much and you could always sometimes in her butt sometimes but we agree strongly with this and i can tell yeah absolutely women who are bleeding from their deserve to feel just as beautiful as those who aren't. Taylor, can I be your vice president? Yes, yes. When you run on this platform?

When I run? It was going to be Kanye, but you just edged him out. Yeah. No, I really do. You know what I think it was? I think there was a time where there was a girl I was dating who, it one of these things where like it had to end we really like i really like this girl and it had to end we knew this was probably the last time we saw each other just but it was a situational thing and like we it was like i want to have sex with her one

last time and like the timing didn't work and then i was like that fuck it and then once that happened i was like yeah i so i didn't die or anything i didn't i'm perfectly okay then it's fine i just smell a little coppery see you know when i run for president this is going to be a really good uh a really really good stance because i can say a bunch of right-wing things and then be like and also men out there you start treating your women with respect you fuck that pussy when she's on her period women on with their periods are beautiful the same as they are the rest of the month

you stop being a pussy and you get that dick in her hole and you make her satisfied and then all the women left and right are going to be like this guy understands, this guy gets it and I'll win yeah on that platform that's actually, I'm not going to make any economic or social stance

that's my only, Taylor we'd like to ask you about Iran, well'm not going to make any economic or social stance. That's my only. Taylor, we'd like to ask you about Iran. Well, I'd like to talk about bloody pussy if you'll allow. Stick to the real issues, guys. This is what I came here to speak about. You've lost my vote. Damn it.

No, because everyone can run YouTube gun channels with no no restrictions in my world kyle that and your your your your anti-circumcision stance you've lost my vote entirely yeah you're against circumcision now you've lost me yep well i'm not saying you can't do it i'm saying you have to wait till you're an adult yeah i am thrilled that that happened before i would ever know that it happened because i'm glad i have i'm glad i'm circumcised and i'm glad i never had to understand it although uh my nephew i had to i had to hold him so in jewish tradition uh basically like there's someone who's supposed to give the kid to the rabbi or to the mohel uh yeah i have to like present this kid and so that was my honor and i'm like wait a minute i'm the

guy that's given my nephew forever and he doesn't know it but he knows it you know like i am the last guy who was like here i'm gonna give you to the guy who's gonna cut your dick off he's never gonna see the guy who cuts his dick off again, get mad at him all he wants, but now Uncle Steve was the guy who was like, here, get, and also, when you're a baby, it's good that you don't know, because, like, that much is a large percentage of your penis when you're a baby. And so, like, and you don't know.

It's like that little bit of guilt you have for getting your dogs fixed. Yeah, yeah. I swear the, like, immediate backlash to people when you bring up circumcision on the dick show this is my rage like the immediate backlash is indicative of some kind of childhood trauma like when you say circumcision like hey let's not do this and people are always like oh no no it's really okay it's totally fine it's good my dick looks great it's like okay i believe you but the fact that you're so against like just saying maybe wait until they're adults like like let me ask you this, Taylor.

Trauma in your childhood does impact you as an adult, and it's nothing more traumatic than you piece your dick cut off. Counterpoint, Taylor. Do you think that that childhood trauma might hold an individual back? It could. Sure. I present to you the Jewish race.

Wow. Wow. That. Wow. That's amazing. Mic drop. Yeah. Jews are really successful, so keep cutting kids' dick skin off. Kyle, mic drop. Kyle.

Kyle. Counterpoint. Counterpoint. In Africa, circumcision is not so popular. Circumcisions hold you back athletically. Oh, shit. If you get a circumcision, you have a athletically. Oh, shit. If you get a circumcision, you have a 0% chance of being a wide receiver

in the NFL. Yeah, you're fucked. No, there are professional... One, two, right? You have to go back to like the last century and a half to name your three. There are non-Jews who also get circumcised as well. Oh, yeah. The majority of people who get circumcised are non-Jews who also get circumcised as well. Oh, yeah, the majority of people who get circumcised are non-Jews, just because of the demographics.

The Jewish sports thing was funny, because I was talking to a Jewish friend of mine who brought up the, like, not a lot of us in the sports. Kind of a shame. And I was like, come on, you got a few. Who are your favorites? And being a huge sports fan,

he had to sit there for a full minute, like, hmm. Well, that means. No, his dad was Jewish. That doesn't count. But that also means he's not like he's not that Jewish because there are plenty of people who are like very Jewish and not sports fans at all who could name every Jewish baseball player that's ever played. Both of them. Yeah. Stop it.

Hank Greenberg and Sadie Koufax are the easy ones. But also, like, recently, I mean, Gabe Kapler, who's managing the Phillies now, and Ryan Braun, who I was very disappointed to find out he was a cheater because I'm like, we get maligned enough. You know, you don't need to take steroids. And also, open the debate, are steroids kosher? Who knows? So, yeah. Wait, wait, wait.

Your argument that Jewish people can list off a lot of athletes stopped at four people no no i was just i started making fun of ryan braun i mean i was i can also go through you know brad osmus and mike lieberthal and like there's a bunch of other baseball players and uh i my point was and you know you go further back and you can go al rose and mo berg but like what i'm saying is that Jews tend to know. There's a hashtag, Jews Who Rake, and it's basically about Jewish people when they hit home runs. Oh, really?

Yeah. There's a hashtag, Jews Who Rake. That's funny. You can look it up and see who's on it. I feel so left out. I should pretend to be Jewish. Al Rosen played in the 40s and 50s, and he was your fifth guy. That's why I said you can go back. That's why I said you can go back.

That's why I said you can go back. He was not my fifth guy. He was like my sixth guy. We'll have to ask the fans. I don't know. Could have been. Who can forget the classic Russian Jewish all-star Samuel Greenblatt? Or, damn it, I fucked up.

I was going to say Sergei Greenblatt. But also, like, okay, Ty Kelly and Cody Decker. And, like, there are people, like, Team Israel actually did really well in the World Baseball Classic. Ian Kinsler, you left him out. What? Ian Kinsler. Oh, yeah, that's right. He seems current because his picture's in color.

Yeah. Alex Bregman. I don't know any of these people. Alex Bregman is like one of the stars of the – he was like – I think he was World Series MVP last year, and he's also one of the best players in the playoffs this year. Just yesterday, he almost won the game for the Astros, and then they had that crazy game-saving catch. Well, that does sound like someone I should know. Kevin Uke is a Jew?

Yes. Yeah, Uke is a Jew? Yes. Yeah, Uke is a Jew. Kevin Pillar, Danny Valencia. There's a few. I mean, that's basically... I think I've named them all, but still. Alex Bergman? Yeah, there's quite a few.

Bregman. I like that when you Google Jewish athletes, like three of the top ten are in color. 404. There's a lot of black and white. And also, half of the ones in color were colorized pictures. Sandy Koufax might have been.

That's painted. It's like an old school tool from 1932. I think Kipnis is Jewish too. He's not on my list. I can't help you. Well, who's a group of people who doesn't have any professional athletes in the American sports? The easy ones would be Chinese because they kind of stick to their own over there.

Very few Eskimos. Native American? Indian? Look, there's a— Oh, apparently you're not supposed to say that. I've been corrected. Native American is what you're supposed to say. Savages. So the Savages for Capita

I think do very well. Savage Americans, you fucking Americans. The Savage Americans for Capita are quite well represented, you would imagine, because we killed 95% of them. By the way, also, I looked this up

because I remember doing this from, because Brandon Nemo, who's on the Mets. He's from Wyoming. And I think he was the 14th major leaguer to ever come from Wyoming. That's not surprising. There's only like 70, 75 people there. If he was Wyoming and Jewish, he'd be quite the unicorn. When Trump goes to Wyoming or play baseball like uh when trump goes to wyoming or montana all of wyoming and montana comes out it's it's like there's just not that

many people there i think wyoming has like half a million people in the entire fucking state trump's been doing his his rallies you know for the the congressional races and i've been watching a good many of them on uh on youtube they are fucking packed and energized like like and he's got these huge banners up on either side of him one says promises made and the other one says promises kept and he gets up there and someone wrote him a list of all the shit he's done and he reads it for like five minutes and then he goes and then he holds the list up and shows and it goes on and on I'm not even gonna bore you It's pretty effective and and there are so so many white people there that

Yeah, I mean it's incredibly effective if you don't have access to the internet or news It's like extremely effective for people who just take someone's word for facts Hilarious if that list of things, like after number four, it goes to like lorem ipsum. And so he's like, that's why he doesn't say anything. It's just so he can hold it up and they can see it. He's like, I thought you were going to read the rest of these. I couldn't if I wanted. So I think it's

Latin. The number's 555. It's just all fake. And look, there are promises made and promises kept but like the biggest promises are the ones that were not kept and that's the

the wall yeah the wall I'm getting suspicious that Mexico won't pay for it Mexico will not be paying for it I don't think they're going to either how do you know that Mexico's not going to pay for it? I thought that they'd keep saying that they won't.

Oh, right. Get rid of ISIS, though, right? You know, we used to always be worried about that. I was always watching these videos of them cutting off 30 guys' heads at a time and dumping them in the ocean and just... Those things come in waves. That's like saying Obama got rid of Al-Qaeda. Oh, well, he did.

Well, Bush kind of got rid of Al-Qaeda uh oh well i mean well bush kind of got rid of al-qaeda by by turning them into isis that's right yeah they like like a group split off from al-qaeda and became isis and i think even al-qaeda was like you guys are going a bit far the one thing i will agree with trump on is that like if you're gonna if you're going to kill a bunch of people and you don't kill the kids then the kids are just gonna grow up to be like you're creating a bunch of super villains yeah we made that mistake with the indians i'm sorry savage americans this is why we should have never gone to the middle east should just let them do their fucking thing and handle ourselves no but just just the idea the idea of like if you send in a bunch of

people and kill everyone's dad what do you think the kids are going to end up being oh yeah they're going to be fucking furious their whole lives and see like oh i have to fight against the imperialist evil power and from their perspective they're 100 right yeah unless it was like an actual isis member or some shit absolutely like we've seen like when seen Batman. We've created a bunch of Batman. When that wedding got bombed four or five years ago or whatever, by the drone, how many potential extremists come out of that?

It kind of just amplifies. I thought you meant how Kill Bill started. No, I was talking about the Middle East. Kill Bill is more fun. I'm trying to understand Steve's point. He's saying that if you kill all the fathers in a community,

what will they grow up into? And I think if there's no fathers in a community, they become professional athletes and rappers. Is that what you're saying? That is not what I'm saying. By the way, I love that you did that as your middle finger is up on your face right now. I just have. That's too far for me. Because of the lack of a father. I didn't care for that as your middle finger is up on your face right now. I just have. That's too far for me.

Because of the lack of father. I didn't care for that one. Pasteless. I am saying. Even the savage Americans wouldn't like that one. If you kill someone's father, that is different. And they're all wasted. Oh my god.

No, you're right. If you kill someone's father, they can make them extremists. They don't have TV on the reservation. I buy extremists for every party I throw. Extremists,ists. They don't have TV on the reservation. I buy extremists for every party I throw. Extremists, yeah. It really spices it up. Yeah, I love the idea.

It's just like, it's streamers that are also terrorists. Yeah. At the same time. Every one and four explodes. Yeah. It's like there's those hot you know you don't know which ones are gonna be you know what i'm talking about oh they do that with sushi too a russian roulette roll where like one of them's hot as fuck and they give you like a little shitty shot glass of sake to like get rid of it when you eat the spicy one but sake is disgusting so you don't want to

drink that i don't understand uh i do not understand the idea of like that roulette pepper thing it's like can i just have these that there isn't one that's bad can i just have a bowl of good ones that's a good container no we only sell the really risky one yeah like why is why are people excited like how bored are you with your life that you're like this is the one time I feel alive. One in ten Big Macs has a loogie in it. Will you be the lucky nine? The one time I truly feel alive is when I know that one piece of my food is tainted. And it's up to me.

I was looking around on WikiHow today. And if you know what WikiHow is, it's a ridiculous site for idiots to learn to do basic things. And I found a few funny articles that I think we will enjoy. And I bet you guys have some tips for a lot of this. The first one...

A ridiculous site for idiots to learn how to do basic things? I like to think that's their header. I would love to... Buy retards for retards. Is there a wikiHow for how to use wikiHow? That would be incredible. That would be very meta.

I bet there is. But this one is three ways to hide your erection. And so tell me which of these you guys have employed. Number one, covering erection with clothes or objects. This is very much preferred to just opening your fly and pulling it out. Wear tighter underwear. Hold on. Before you get past number one, we have to talk about number one, because I had to learn this one

through trial and error. I had to, because at first I was like, oh, the best way to hide an erection is to walk around with an erection and my pants down. And then eventually someone was like, have you tried an object yeah and i was like but there are so many objects out there how do you know which one

will do the trick and so at first i tried an object but it was like a it was like a nail clipper so it was like it was it didn't really do it too big yeah it's too yeah way too big to how dare you uh and then and then i tried a glass i tried to put a glass around it but then that really didn't do much because you know it's a glass yeah and then i tried a clouded glass which only kind of just made it look like a fuzzy erection so which is what it looked like without the glass so you should have moved on to clothes more quickly i should have clothes are the logical and i was trying objects it said objects and there are more objects in the world than there are clothes. So I tried objects first.

That's fair. We had a long discussion the other week about whether there are more chairs or people. And it really upset me. Dude, I've told this story before. Holy shit. I think there are more chairs. I never thought about that. The wear tighter underwear thing.

So repeat story. When I was 15 years old old i had this testicular torsion and they had to repair it surgically and and it needed to heal so anyway while it healed from having your dick too big right uh yeah i like to say that it's really the uh i think it's your vas deferens but it might be something else that was too long right so it allowed the testicles to twist anyway so uh he's really enjoying this wait did you wipe it until it bled as well i'm trying to get here with the story during the healing process i had to like wear loose clothes and put like a bandage on my balls which just served the purpose

of putting them like on a platform right so suddenly I'm wearing sweatpants with effectively the biggest dick in the entire school like girls were looking at me like like noticing the bulge which was not a normal were you walking around like this yeah I was the fucking like chest back like Conor McGregor before a fight

the neon lights were a little bit much with a giant arrow down that kept blinking. God, my cock hurts! Oh my god, my cuck. Yeah, I had to wear loose clothes, I had to put that

baby on display, and I was the cock of the walk. Anyway, good times. That is also, by the way, that is a good lesson. Because like when we're younger, a lot of times it's like the be ashamed, hide things, be ashamed, hide things. And it's like, no, if you just walk around with confidence, the same way that like the first time I ever bought condoms, I was so embarrassed. And now that I'm older, I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking. So what?

I like that be ashamed, hide things repeated three times is an experience us non-Jewish people had. It's the – no? Yeah. How dare you? Yeah. Yeah, that's what we're taught, to be ashamed. Guys, there's a lot of really good tips here that we're missing. Hold on, but that's because we get persecuted for our success.

Anyway, okay, go ahead. Well played. So you've got to wear tighter underwear. The first picture is a man who's tremendously fit in a very nice pair of boxer briefs. It also gives a tip, avoid wearing soft silk underwear because they can rub against your penis and cause you to have an erection. Oh, every time I even think of silk, I get hard. That's absolutely true. I do too.

I'm getting hard right now. God damn it. Shouldn't have worn my silk pants. You want to cover your crotch area with a large object. This guy is standing there holding a laptop case directly in front of his cock, which is a very inconspicuous way to walk. You want to hold it directly in front of your cock. It says, another pro tip, it's easier to cover your erection if you're sitting down.

My favorite part of this graphic is that there are these three danger lines, almost like comic book danger lines coming from the dick area like oh that's that's where the action's coming i like it's right it's radiating to me it's a sound like the the cock is thumping against this laptop laptop container purse or whatever the hell it is as he tries to walk and there's just a yeah happening also by the way if a guy's walking around with a bag like this, he's never going to come. No one's ever going to help him out

there. It's a very unattractive thing, so he's just going to have an erection forever. Number four, tie a hoodie or sweater around your waist to hide your erection. It's a picture of a guy standing there and there's a big red arrow pointed to a sweater tied around with both arms

of the sweater hanging down directly over the crotch area and you're going to have to walk very carefully to use that to hide your erection it's not going to work when you get hard you don't go straight down your pants no one wears it the other way you go out or to the side or something

like if you're walking but number five is one that I use all the time in uh it's not number five, it goes to method two, number one. Very advanced. Pin the erection to your body. Pin down the erection with your hand in your pocket. Put your hand in your pocket and use your hand

to press your erection against your leg. Continue to hold your erection through your pocket so that it isn't visible outside your pants. Scroll down and there is a see-through diagram of where your cock would be when you fold it up. And that was the, that was one I used all the time in middle school.

You know, that age where you were like getting boners randomly in every single class. And I remember thinking in an English class at the age of 13 or 14, I was like, Oh my God, there's two minutes left in the class and I'm getting a raging boner. And I was like, is this what life is for adult men? Like, is this what it is?

Am I going to have a whole life of hiding erections? And what I would always do is do the quick flip where, like, you wait for other people to get up and start, like, packing their backpacks and everything. And you, under the table, pull down, pull your dick up, put it underneath your waistband, and then you use your shirt to hide the dick that's sticking out above your waistband. Are you pulling your pants down in this scenario? You're pulling it down enough that you can flip, you can do the quick flip. Flip your dick up

and then you make sure your shirt is out to cover the dick that's sticking out. A kid I went to high school with, we had an assignment to invent a word and he invented the word hofnar. And he said it was for something else. He said it was for a weird feeling like in an amusement park. But hofnar was hard on for no apparent reason.

And so then for like a year, we all called it a hofnar. Yeah, I used to do the same thing taylor i'd tuck it like behind my belt and it would just hold it in place and that was the best way to do it the quick flip because all these ones of hiding by like putting stuff in front of it you're just drawing attention and i don't know what kind of dick the author of this had where it's like you know when you're walking around you get an erection it goes straight down your pant leg it's like it's never that that's what happens when you're sitting around and you get an erection and it goes straight down your pant leg. It's like, it's never that. That's what happens when you're sitting down. But when you stand up, your dick doesn't want to stay down.

It's going to twist and turn and go to the side. Also, I love the diagram of this. How his penis has absolutely no head. It is just perfectly selectable. Back in the day, it was fashioned to tuck your shirt in. It was just a neater look. I still think it's a better look, but it's not perfectly selectable. Back in the day, it was fashioned to tuck your shirt in.

It was just a neater look. I still think it's a better look, but it's not the fashion anymore, so I don't do it. But when you're in this situation, you put it behind your belt and pull your shirt out so it would hang down a little bit. And whenever I saw someone else's shirt out, I would kind of wonder, like, huh, I wonder if he's dealing with trouble right now. Yeah. And like what you do, you wink at them or like you high five them. You know, the same way that like if I see someone with a Mets hat on, I'm like, yeah, let's go Mets. You know, the same kind of thing.

You know, you're like, me too, buddy. Also hard right now. Team hard. Here's one I never knew about. It's very good. The graphic shows a man casually sitting with a leg propped up on another. about it's very good the graphic shows a man casually sitting with the leg propped up on another action lines and arrow pointing down showing that uh the can he's holding up against his crotch is indeed cold it says put something cold on your erection the cold water from a shower

will reduce your erection if you aren't at home and can't shower why would you be hiding your boner if you're at home try pestling something against your crotch like a can of cold soda cooling is used in hospitals to remove unwanted erections for longer than four hours. Like, how more conspicuous could you be and be like, yeah, I just want a cold fresca unopened right here.

You know what works best? If you just pour the fresca on your cock, that'll cool her off. Ah! It's going down! Everybody's looking at you. There are many reasons to hide your erection if you're home, if you have roommates,

or if you are in a loveless marriage where you don't want your partner to think you might accidentally be attracted to them. I mean, there are a lot of things. Yeah, absolutely. This one says to pinch yourself. Where? Of his forearm and showing action lines of him pinching his forearm

and saying that pinching will make you forget about being horny, I suppose. There was a graphic designer who got this assignment. There was an artist. There was one that said urinate. I don't think they understand the dangers of this situation. You get the rainbow pee thing. You get a bunch of mess everywhere. It took them until number eight

to get to the most logical one, which is masturbate. And they include a helpful tip which says, do not masturbate in public. Wow. I also like the one where they say concentrate on something non-sexual. It says, concentrating on a math equation or a sport will take your mind off sexual thoughts unless you are turned on by math.

Like they don't account for that. That's what I do when I'm trying to last longer in bed. I start doing math in my head. That's what I do when I want to cum. When I don't want to cum, I get a cold fresca. Ah, there it is. When I don't want to, Tom, I get a cold fresca. Ah, there it is.

Eddie, damn it. $5 times $13 minus $7 plus a million dollars. $1,058, but fuck you. Now, I know we're all a little, you know, bougie in this call, but how many times a week do we encounter this problem? How to be okay with having a communist friend. Wait, this is a real... This is a real

article, and one of them is learn about communism. Yeah, I was gonna say, Taylor, could you not... Maybe this will help you get along with Hutch. You know, I should take some tips from here. First thing... Hey, he's a democratic socialist get it right yes not a communist by the way can i just point out that every ad i see on this like every ad i see on this on this dumb site for dumb people is a trump ad

on wiki how oh i have there's a wall because i'm not a dumb person i don't i don't i actually uh i don't use adblock because the ads do not detract from my enjoyment of this stupidity and uh also as a creator that makes us living online i don't want to encourage people to use adblock that's fair enough yeah you definitely wouldn't want i didn't use that well we don't lie to our fans here ad block it up boys it's the way to go. You'll enjoy the entire internet more. Now, of course, you could pay for YouTube Premium or something like that. That is the – that's what Woody does.

YouTube Red, right? Isn't that what it's called? I think they changed the name. I'm not 100% sure. It used to say Red. Now it says Premium. Well, in any case, you could do a service like that. Or what I do in the case of like twitch content creators i always subscribe

like i watch a lot of shroud and i use adblock when i watch him so i throw him a few bucks every now and then i subscribe to his channel mix up for it what's he getting from me watching one ad like one tenth of a penny if he's lucky no i'll give him five ten bucks a month or something like that he can add it to his millions we appreciate our patreons i think the cheapest level is three dollars which is less than a buck a show. Ah, speaking of that, that's a nice little segue, Woody. Excellent job. We had our $500

Patreon this month. Lucky fella, Noah. And we had a good time with him. We played some Monopoly. When you pay $500, you get to come and play video games with us. And we had a furious game of Monopoly, as they all are. Three, I think. Oh, and Jews care about money. Any game you want,

you play Monopoly. We love Monopoly. Noah is a Jewish name often, right? Is that what you're getting at? No, I'm saying that Kyle always makes fun of me for being Jewish and I tried to turn it on him, but I didn't want to. It's an honor to be Jewish. I would love to be Jewish.

You guys have so many cool little... I was Christmas shopping with someone the other day. That would be nice. That would be nice. I mean, you would have one in the family, 100%. Steve, I bet you've got an uncle who's a doctor, don't you? I actually have a cousin who's also named Steve Hofstadter

who's a doctor. There you go. And that motherfucker cannot be Googled anymore. I bet you've got an uncle who's also named Steve Hofstadter, who is a doctor. There you go. See? And that motherfucker cannot be Googled anymore. Bet you got an uncle who's an accountant. An uncle who's what? An accountant. I do not. But I also don't have any uncles.

Both my parents only have sisters. If you're not Jewish, you can't grow out curly cool-ass sideburns without calling it cultural appropriation that's coming back i don't think you can do that that's your hairstyle is my culture and you cannot dress up like that i i wouldn't want to appropriate your culture by the way can we talk can we talk about that for a second i don't know if you guys have i mean that prom

dress thing was a while back but just the idea like, tributing something is not insulting somebody. Right. And I think it's so ridiculous. Like, I had someone... But even that aside, just the general concept of trying to turn everyone into an enemy. Like, obviously, look, I am progressive.

A lot of your fans hate me because of it. And when I... Like, it's very obvious to my fans that I'm progressive. And, like, there was one thing that if you take wildly out of context, like, it could have been seen as not progressive. And someone wrote something nasty on my YouTube channel about it. Like I expected more from you. And I was like,

look, if you turn every ally into your enemy, what the fuck are you left with? Like you have no one there. They decide before they click the video, the flavor of the month of what they're going to get mad at you for. And they will backwards engineer, whatever you say to fit what they've already decided you said you know who's the worst about cultural appropriation veterans right don't wear my

uniform take off those medals that stolen valor my gosh people i'm honoring you couldn't agree more when i when i dress up and I pretend to be Lance Corporal Taylor who served this great nation and I demand to get a discount on my Starbucks coffee, they don't realize that I'm actually doing when I'm wearing badges that laud me for my achievements in multiple

wars, some of which I couldn't possibly have been born for. I'm honoring those who live with me and those who have died before. And the fact that you would call the police on me in the middle of Starbucks and I have to pull out my firearm to subdue you?

Unreal. You know who's also horrible at that? People who have cancer. They get really pissy when you try to do a cancer fundraiser for yourself and you don't have cancer. Strong point. They get super mad at you.

I shaved my head. What more do you want? Yeah, I'm just tributing you. That's why I shaved my head. That's why I've lost this weight. That's why I started the GoFundMe. If you want to learn who rules you, learn who you cannot criticize. Kids with bone cancer.

That might be the best thing you've ever said holy shit this whole bone cancer cabal follow the money Taylor follow the money I've got cool festive head wraps. Like, oh. And like NFL players just come and visit you? You spoiled little prick. The hangout with Iron Man and shit? I can't even get tickets to a fucking game. And you have them come into your house. What about crossdressers? Isn't that appropriating someone else's gender?

I think this is a real question that's not as funny just having fun it's actually a real question you're like oh shit i i don't want to go there yeah i don't know i might still run for office cross dresser just means you like to dress up as a lady or you're a woman who wants to dress up as a man yeah so that's just like halloween you're not a pro you're not first of all appropriation is fucking bullshit like you can't be in favor of like diversity and loving all these different cultures and then be like hey put that fucking taco down big like yeah like it won't pick one you assholes like you're setting up the game so no matter what you can be frustrated speaking of which here is an issue that i do not fall with the left on um that movie where there was a trans character and i think it was what

scarlett johansson was supposed to play them yeah yeah there was a movie where there was a trans character and it was supposed to be this big movie and then scarlett johansson if i'm remembering correctly was going to play that character and then uh a bunch of people went up in arms and be like you couldn't find one trans a-list actor yeah there actually isn't one yet um you know how there would be one if maybe we made popular movies about trans characters and then trans kids grew up to realize hey i can be an actor also and then eventually you'll have a big box office star that could star in a movie like this but the idea and then they ended up not making the movie

because people killed it because they were like no we have to cast a trans yeah I saw that there's this show on Netflix where there's a trans character and in the like you know when you're scrolling through Netflix you get like an image

no you get like an image to represent the show. And I was looking at the image, and I was like, that's a large woman there with a big cleft chin and a strong jaw. What's going on here? And I Googled the name of the show and just put in the word trans. And there's this huge uproar because apparently that male actor is a cis male. He is not trans. And they're like, they couldn't find a gigantic trans woman to play this person? No.

No, they couldn't. That guy's an award-winning actor. Dude, it's just a, it's purity spiraling is what it is, where it's like, we need representation of these stories. And they're like, hey, we're actually making a film about a story like this. And it's like, yeah, but you didn't make it exactly the way i want you you made it as though you want people to recognize the star and see it because of that no you should star someone who nobody knows so the movie's a total tank it's like yeah and then why would you and then if the movie tanks

then they'll never make a story like that again like if they go okay well we're gonna make the first giant box office movie about a trans character but we're not gonna put anyone famous in it because you know we wanted to only be trans community and there just aren't a-list trans actors yet there will be there aren't yet and like then no one will see the movie and then what hollywood does is they go well we tried that and we lost our shirts on it and so then or our dresses and uh and so we're not going to make that movie again you know what movie i would see is if they made just like a normal movie like die hard or something like that every single character even the background characters every single one is trans but at no point do they address it. Wait, wasn't that the new Ghostbusters?

Damn it, beaten to the punch. Well, that movie didn't do well, so I guess it's good I didn't produce that. Fucking garbage movie. Fuck those movies. No, but absolutely, I think the best way to do it, like, it's weird to say this, but I find HGTV to be, like, the most progressive television network. but I find HGTV to be the most progressive television network because when they have someone who's house hunting who happens to be gay, they're not just like, and let's find him a gay house. They're just like, oh, and this is the couple,

and they want a house with things that people want in their house, and they're just being a normal person instead of it just being all about that. Yeah, they'll most likely remain childless, so that impacts the whole buying process. That would be a funny bit or skit or little show, and it just follows a really racist real estate agent, and depending on who he picks up, he shows them houses in different parts of town,

like a black couple, and he's like, they're like, actually, sir, we thought we were going to see the one on Sycamore. Are we not going? Nope. Cross the tracks. He goes over there and shows some horrible slums yeah yeah i have good movie ideas i would love that by the way speaking of house hunters i saw an episode once where it was someone who i knew hooked up with a

friend of mine like i knew her i had met her a number of times and like it wasn't like oh i think that's that girl it's like no no i knew her i know her name etc i know what she does for a living and she hooked up with a friend of mine and then they like tell the story about her being you know at the courtship because that's part of the storyline they always be like oh they met when they were dating in college i'm like she blew my friend ten years after that. That was fun to watch them happily look for a home and me just be like, oh, buddy, you don't know. You don't know.

She's got it topped up. Yeah. Did I ever tell you guys I wanted to do a sketch about house hunters and combine it with ghost hunters? And have like ghost house hunters where they have to decide between like three houses built on burial grounds or something like that

i think that would be a solid sketch yeah now someone's gonna make it i just i should not have said that on a very popular show you know who jim norton is i'm sure you've been on his his show at some point like he did something like seven eight years ago where they had celebrity ghost hunters and it's one of the funniest bits on ona and what jim did is he like signed up for it because they pick like bc lower list celebrities and they're like tell us about your ghost hunter story and what jim did is he went in there and told what like they thought was like a real ghost story but he was like interjecting his own characters as the characters and one of his characters edgar who's whose thing is always my mouth is dry like he says stuff like that and

like that was one of the lines from the thing he was like sitting there and it's really dramatic there's like a dramatization of jim norton who's like taller and better looking like walking around the room and and then it goes to be like like, Jim's VO, and he's like, and I was sitting there, and I heard pool balls clack, and I knew no one else was in the room. And then I heard, quietly from the corner of the room,

my mouth is dry! They, like, had to, like, have music, like, trying to make it spooky, and it was them on the show watching the episode of Ghost Hunters that they just aired, mocking the shit out of it. It is on YouTube. Go check it out. I love that.

I love that. And Jim Norton's fucking hilarious. And I love the fact that he went in there doing a bit that every one of his fans would get. And these people would not know it was a bit. That is brilliant. It was really funny. But I didn't know at first that it was a bit bit i didn't know his characters well enough to catch on so i was like and he was being really convincing with the story and i was like why would jim lie about this you know maybe he did see something because the story is not only

is the story well told convincing it's also scary like it's it's not like and then a goblin came out and went ah it's like creepy shit it's like i don't remember the exact story but maybe it was like a gambler who'd been murdered in that hotel room or something like that yeah and he was cursed to like be in there forever playing this endless game of pool and have dry mouth and it was i was a little creeped out by it honestly because i i just i i i like jim norton and i couldn't imagine him just telling a blatant lie but then taylor explained the joke and it's hilarious i i do not believe in ghosts unless someone no i don't either unless someone tells me a place is haunted as i'm falling asleep then i

absolutely believe in ghosts my girlfriend i told these guys my girlfriend believes in ghosts and we're watching square scary movies on a vacation once and like as she was getting up to like go to the bathroom scared of the demons and shit i like loudly and forcefully like seriously like satan i invite you into my heart i open myself to you i am your vessel lord of darkness do with me as you will and she was like taylor stop stop and i'm like the invitation is sent the deed the die are cast like whatever the fuck you're saying the reason i don't really did not like that the reason i mainly don't believe in ghosts is because like if you go to england and like these pubs like you know how many fucking ghosts would be in one pub? A ton. Like, the amount of people who have died in that building over the course of the last, you know, thousand years. Yeah, but every time you drove by an abortion clinic, you'd hear like, whoa!

Well, they're not people yet, right? That's our stance, I think. I saw a meme the other day. It's Gordon Ramsay making like a face. I saw a meme the other day. It's Gordon Ramsay making like a face and it says when you're fucking a chick who's had 10 abortions and the ghost babies try to pull you in.

Oh Jesus. Hold on. If I saw a meme, you mean made a meme? Kyle is very quick on meme maker. Yeah. Whenever we're having a little text conversation,

I'm real quick with the fucking meme, getting it made, getting it sent out for the punchline. I really enjoy it. It's one of my big fans of that. I'm a big relier on existing GIFs. And by the way, can they make a GIF search engine that fucking works? Probably not.

They all suck. You have to know what it's called. I have a GIF of me yelling fuck off which is a good which is a good one to use like for myself like it was from uh it was from a clip where i was just yelling it someone there was a woman who just wouldn't shut up and it was during a bit where i was making fun of nazis and she was literally like offended and defending nazis oh my well you need to understand their point of view yeah i was trying to she got up and left because she was so offended by it which my line

in the clip is uh because i didn't know she left at the time and i was like i would have thought i would have heard the boots but she was stepping out of there exactly so she yeah nazis are not a quiet people so she uh but, I yelled fuck off at her. And so then someone made a gif of it. And it's a fun thing to use while I'm texting with someone, like with a friend of mine, if they like take a jab at me to like send myself yelling fuck off at them. It's a nice touch. You know what a big problem is with like people who like the Nazis modern day? who like the Nazis modern day,

lay the blame at the feet of Hugo Boss because he made really cool-looking uniforms and very stylish-looking boots and hats and everything. And meanwhile, we had boring-ass shit. If Hugo Boss hadn't lent his genius of making a nice outfit and he had done that for us instead, we'd be the cool ones. Look. We would have had the dope ass outfit. We all agree on that. We make jokes about the Nazis.

Obviously, none of us are Nazis here. That being said, those were some snappy dressers. Alright? Whenever I'm watching Schindler's List, I'm always distracted by just how... Come on, stick with me here. Do you think that's why ISIS isn't doing well now?

Oh, yeah. And they have such a cool name! That is a cool name. Archer had it. Yeah. And they have sex slaves. I mean, that's attractive to all of us, right? Do you think how...

Do you think how... Do you think people named ISIS are very... Because there are people people named ISIS are very... Because there are people genuinely named ISIS who were fine for a while. It's a goddess. Yeah, it's a goddess. I think it was Catwoman's cat was named ISIS. Yeah.

That would be an unquestionable name. That's like being named Adolf in 1936. They were like, yeah, this guy, really, he's helping the German economy. Gotta give him that. You know what? Adolf's actually kind of catchy. And then, like, a few years later, you're like, oh, fuck. Alright. To City Hall, I guess. To get this changed.

Change it to Winston. It is weird, though, when, like, there are businesses named ISIS who, like, haven't changed their name. Like, we saw one the other day. Yeah, but, I mean, just from a brand new perspective i actually saw uh i was surprised because it's you know it's in la i saw a giant sign like above a business that said uh maga and i was like wait what and then it was for krav maga and i was like oh shit they probably took a bit of a hit like in uh if you're like a krav maga studio in la la is like 90 like If you're like a Krav Maga studio in LA, LA is like 90%.

Like if you're, they have a giant sign that says MAGA, and you see from the, because it's only from one, like the Krav is blocked from most of the view. It's only like if you see it from one specific angle, you can see the whole thing. So MAGA is the equivalent of Heil Hitler in LA?

I mean, not all of LA, but yeah. LA, New York. L.A., New York, Austin. Don't they want the wall in L.A.? I don't think so. I don't think we've taken a good stock of everyone's true opinions on that one.

That's San Diego. I'm just goofing. Yeah. L.A., we got like two hours. If you had a business name ISIS hours. If you had a business named ISIS, like if you had a business named ISIS

or a business named MAGA, you shouldn't have to change. Like, you were there first. Just like all those Buddhists or whatever, they shouldn't have to stop using the swastika now. They invented it.

They came up with it. That's their thing. And then these German guys stole it and used it. Yeah, you know, I got this tattoo in fucking 1936, buddy. You know, it means something different.

That's why, yeah, that's why, you know, Kyle can use the word faggot. He just likes sticks. It's just the original. A bundle of sticks, yes. Why should that were used to burn gay people? Why should what hurts people now affect how you live your daily life? What else are they going to burn them with?

I've heard that bundle of sticks like for burning gay people is a myth. Like that's something I've heard. I've heard it's a myth as well, but it's one that I continue to use. Well, it is. Yeah, it's everybody. It's also. But even so, like, I i mean it is about how like words do affect people now like and that is that is the thing i know and i know you're joking about

it but uh like todd glass does a great bit about how like people getting so mad about like how could you make me learn what bothers other people what am i supposed to do about that it's like it don't bother them. Try not to be a dick. I like bothering people. It can be fun. Lending club. If you carry a revolving debt,

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Well, I know you're complicit, obviously. Yeah, I bought all the media and a bunch of bagel shops. Okay, no, I can't be the only one who's noticed that the second Tuesday of every month, every Jew's conspicuously missing. Wait, I think you are. I love theories like that. You ever notice that?

That's when they all go meet up and they all go hang out and do their thing. Is that true? Second Tuesday of every month. Yeah, that's where they go do Jew gold swaps, all sorts of things. Oh. I think that is horrifically offensive.

He's actually not allowed to talk. You have not noticed that it's every other month. Because if we were to do it every month, I mean, that would collapse the world's economy. Because then think about it. One day a month where none of the banks could run. None of the media could run. None of the you know what?

My favorite thing about like medical care sports. No, no, no. We own the teams. Oh, yeah. It is. It is so frustrating when people have conflicting stereotypes, like the same way of like, oh oh these lazy mexicans are taking our jobs wait what would you just how could they do both blacks are on welfare blacks spend their money frivolously frivolously wait which is it yeah exactly blacks spend that welfare money frivolously

that one makes sense they do sell that one's not inherently country but i get what you're saying yeah yeah the i the idea of like the the you know, Jews are cheap and we also own everything. What? How did we? Eddie Murphy used to have a thing about picking and choosing your stereotypes, right? Like black people have big lips. Black people have no jobs. The big dick thing not true. He's like, no, no, no.

You got to believe them all. You got to give us the dick thing. You can't just pick and that's why i'm okay with the uh you know i'm okay with the one with the you know jews being successful one because if if we're gonna if we're gonna take all the other shit we may as well you know i'll be honest i've played a lot i've done a lot of shows at community colleges and if i do a joke where i'm just like oh are there any of the jews in the room it's rare it's pretty rare see but like as far as stereotypes go that's like the winningest combo right like these people are smart and they dominate anything they get into and and i don't like them like well it's they're

like these people are smart they dominate everything they get into, and that's why we should kill them. That's the problem with the first two. Because it always seems to lead to that third one. I think it's that you guys don't like to share with the rest of us. It seems like you don't want to do business with the Gentiles. That is absolutely not true. We want to take advantage of you.

I think you just made my case. Yeah, shut up, Goyim. Yeah. Oh, I like that you know that word. Yeah. I just, wait, I think I know it right. That just means not a Jewish person, right? Yeah, you got it correctly.

Yeah, and shiksa is specifically a non-Jewish woman. I know that from Seinfeld. There you go. Because of Seinfeld. Yeah. Yeah. There is an old horrible phrase. Shiksas are for practice oh jesus yeah yeah actually yeah jesus is involved in that as well don't mention jesus he's not a fan

yeah the uh i i used to do i used to do a joke about that's actually a stereotype that we should take credit for because like jews are never an intimidating people like we're never seen as intimidating people and when people are like you know yeah jews killed christ i'd be like yeah we did and kirk cameron's next back off you did it in a very jewish way right you tricked a gentile into doing it oh absolutely you don't want to get your hands dirty yeah i mean that's pilot neither did pilot he watched him right after and he's the pharise over here, they're pulling the strings. Watch out, it's going to become a thing. He murdered someone three days ago.

How come there's no stereotype about the Romans doing that? Because he didn't want to do it. He got tricked into it. He was influenced into it. They had a lot of power. I can't tell you how many times I've been tricked into murdering a hero. it they had a lot of power i can't tell you how many times i've been tricked into murdering a hero i mean the amount of times i have like i don't want to kill this guy but you know i guess i got to and all these people look up to him this is oh boy is this going to cause some problems he was like the regional power but it wasn't like a bunch of

romans lived around there at the time right it was he was kind of ruling the area that was mainly inhabited by the Hebrews. So he was doing things that he thought would placate that community, if I know my history correctly. I don't know the full story because I'm not super into fiction, but I prefer documentaries. Like, oh, I'll tell you about Flute Inc. all day. But The Cove, great movie but you know the bible

a little too convoluted i think most people most historians agree that jesus was an actual historical figure it's we're just a little iffy on if he was a magical son of god type character actually most historians do not agree on that really uh yeah because correct on this because uh the horus story in ancient egyptian is the the Jesus story like a thousand years earlier. It is like the exact same story. And it was recycled from that from Mithras, which was like a Mesopotamian legend that became the Egyptian one that became the Christian one. And the biggest thing actually is that like, so this guy is doing all these miracles throughout the land, right? And there's no, there's no reports of anyone at the same time of him talking about him the only

reports that like we have from history are from like 100 years later yeah the one that they have closest to being concurrent with jesus's life apparently is from josephus who's the one that christians cite the most often but josephus wasn't around he was around 80 years later and so it's like there aren't concurrent ones. And I mean, I'm sure some Christian out there is going to have more sources. We need Mr. Woodworth Sr. on here to disprove all this nonsense. I feel like if we had Woody's father, he would explain to both of you parasites that Jesus Christ was alive, walking the earth, and doing magic. What's funny is that I know all the facts that Steven Taylor has Steven Taylor wrote, I know, but with bad name recognition. So it's like, yeah, before Jesus

there was a horsey dude. There was a horse? Yeah, a horsey dude. And then, I don't know, Mark before him probably. Also, Horace is not spelled like... The closest one is Joe, I think. He talked about him maybe 80 years afterwards. This is how my head works.

It's awful. I also like the idea that some people listening, like when I said Horus, like Horus I believe is H-O-R-U-S. It's not like Horus Greeley. Like H-O-R-A-C-E, like just some dude named Horus. Like just walking around. Also, the biggest one for me, and by the way every every major religion has something like this like judaism has this also where there's something that you've just accepted as truth but you don't look at why it was instituted so in christianity and i so i studied this

shit in college which is why i'm not religious anymore so in christianity the reason why they use the old testament is because in the time of the romans they were murdering all people from new religions there's this term religio licita which means legal religion basically and so they were like oh these christian people they're new we're gonna kill them all and they were like no no no no no hey we're just part of the jews we're just uh we're way back with them see we believe in the old testament also and then that's how the old testament got adopted jew plus plus exactly we're We're like, yeah, they were the Google plus of the time. My favorite historian,

Mel Gibson. Oh, his treatise, I believe it was called Sugar Tits? Yes. His treatise on how cops affected Jews. I will not abide any negative talk in regards to Mel. By the way, you sounded a little bit like him just now.

Say it, Taylor. You know you want to say it. Blowjob before you die. I know. I'm not going to say it because it's a meme now. You want to say it. Oh, there was a joke that I did. I don't think it's on.

I don't know if it's on any of my albums. It bothered people so much because I talked about the passion and how mel gibson everybody called him a good christian for making that movie and but he made 300 million dollars and didn't go to dime back to the church i was like that's not a very good christian excellent jew terrible christian the reason the problem is that so many people misinterpreted what i was saying they're like you're saying jews are cheap i'm like no i'm saying saying Jews wouldn't give money to the church. Like, that was the point of the joke. Or anyone.

Jews would whore money. Yeah, exactly. So then it didn't work out for me. Yeah, all that biblical history is super. Like, I believe Jesus actually existed because when you think about it in, like, it only seems so crazy now because we're looking back through our own kind of cultural eyes where we think of it as like, yeah, there was one guy back then going around saying he was the son of God. It's like, no, this was the Bronze Ages. There were five dozen people doing that at the same time. Jesus only had 12 followers.

There could be a guy, you know, another dude who had like 15 or something. We didn't hear about him because Constantine didn't adopt Christianity or that religion as like the official religion of the Roman Empire. But like, he's not a magic man. There was probably someone in the back of Jesus' speeches being like, ugh, fucking hack. I saw this speech three days ago. Three days ago I saw the same speech. You know, eventually, Jesus, they're going to figure out that you tell

these stories on a hill so that you can hide all the loaves and fishes on the other side. See, what he does, you see the loaves, but the fish are right behind the loaves. Methuselah's out there like, oh my god, I saw Horace tell this story. And you could have ran shit back then if you were good at sleight of hand,

right? Penn and teller go back to the bronze age we're worshiping them today yeah absolutely there was i behold can you remove your thumb for me oh i saw a uh i saw i think it was a myth busters where they figured out that there was like there was ancient they figured out batteries in ancient times they were super yeah they were super low powered so they were trying to figure out like what would these be used for and they were like probably in rituals probably to make people think that there was magic because if there's some sort of battery that the common person doesn't understand you touch it you get shocked but you get a little jolt of electricity in you then you're like oh this person's powerful yeah oh yeah for sure they had those uh they were in these clay pots and it was uh like a copper uh

acid type battery yeah like lemon juice and a copper rod or something like that yeah which they figured out i i always get like so impressed at the idea of trial and error like my friend used to talk about like just finding out beer. I like to think that way, way back in the day, in, like, Roman times, they're combining lemon juice and copper and just testing shit in the same way they find Easter eggs in zombies now.

Like, just poking at things. Well, sometimes it was accidental. Like, the beer was, you know, in the monasteries, I mean, it'd be easy to make beer. Like, I'm sure, like, plenty of lazy teenagers have accidentally created wine in their room by leaving some fruit juice in a shadowy corner for way too long. Like, you could do the same thing with, you know, barley water. The one that he used, the example, is, like, the hallucinogenic properties

of, like, a very specific tree frog like with the idea of like if you cook it the exact right way and then you lick it in the exact right place then that makes you hallucinate and it's like how the fuck how many frogs were they licking

well you can't lick it there you can't lick it there I like to think that there was some sort of big business. There was Big Frog, where they had just an assembly line of people like, lick those frogs until we find something. Well, at first they probably just cooked a frog and ate it whole, right?

Yeah. That is probably how it happened. They probably just hoped it was food. And things like gunpowder. Lots of things that were just these had to be accidental discoveries a lot of it came from the the um from alchemy the the the search for how to transmutate one thing into usually gold right so they're they're mixing all kinds of weird shit together trying to make lead into gold or some other cheap thing into gold and and

you know that they ended up creating a lot of things and discovering a lot of like interesting properties of that's how they that's how viagra happened viagra was a side effect of uh i think it was like a heart medication yeah yeah maybe blood pressure where they're like well my blood pressure is high but so is my dick and so then they were like this might be worth a little bit more i love to think that there was one guy who was about to throw that out and be like well this didn't do anything for blood pressure let's start again and someone's like no no no no no wait wait i think this thing could be worth something but come on i didn't do anything for blood pressure this is a failed experiment

no hold on a second how long have we been hard jim jim how long have we been hard? Jim? Jim, how long have we been hard? Days. Steve, stand up. We've got to get back to work. Give me a minute. I'm trying to find an object or a cold can of Fresca to put on my chest. Viagra's the worst ED medication, though. If anyone's out there and they want ED medication to improve your game or to just get it to work. Or to fix it at all, yeah.

Cialis! Are there more than two? Those are the only two I can name. There are more than two, but Cialis is the one that I found. I went from Viagra to Cialis, and I was like, oh, this is it.

This is the one. The thing is, I'm concerned about using that stuff because from what I've heard, once you start, you kind of can't go back to normal. Like chapstick, right? Your body stops producing its natural flow. And you just depend on it. When I put chapstick on my dick, it's like I can't get hard any other way now.

The thing about Viagra. Oh, I misunderstood. I'm sorry. Viagra takes like an hour to work. So you usually end up like, oh, she's on the way over. And you're chewing it up and it tastes like shit. But it makes me very light sensitive. Like in lights in the room, like every light looks three times brighter.

And it has like a halo of intensity around it. And I get serious headaches. Does it change the color blue? I've heard that. I don't know about that. The lights look different the lights look like white light looks kind of blue i'll say how long does cialis take to work um you take cialis like cialis lasts like 24 hours that that sounds terrifying no no no see see this is a misconception people have they're like i'm gonna have a 24-hour boner right no you're gonna be able to get super boners for 24 hours that's how it works and that's the thing about viagra

too of course like movies like american pie make it sound like oh we'll dose him with viagra and he'll have an uncontrollable boner instantly like no no he'll just be able to get an impressive boner whenever he needs to like whenever like like if you if you're one of those people who's in middle school you probably shouldn't take viagra but if you're a grown man who doesn't get random boners continuously throughout the day then you'll just get a horrible i like the idea of super boners being part of the justice league by the way are they different prices viagra and cialis uh i never paid for viagra i always got the free samples. He'd give me a pack of them. I don't know what Viagra costs.

Cialis is quite expensive. How much is it? I can't remember exactly. I know a bottle was like $250, $300. PKA needs a new sponsor. And there were not a ton of pills in there. It may have been $20 a pill, something like that. Maybe $30 a pill.

How much is a condom? Isn't a condom like $3 or something? Condoms are free. Condoms are cheap as fuck. Condoms are free if you go to the health department. Condoms are just... Actual cost of condoms in a store is usually under a dollar a piece, unless you're

buying one at a time. If you're in Vegas and you stop at a convenience store, then it's going to be $10 a condom because they know that you need that condom. If you go to a CVS or Walgreens and you buy a six-pack, that six-pack

is $6? Six-pack's too low. Let me see what... I go on the Amazon and I do the 36 count. You do the 36 count, they send it to you. You can even subscribe to it. 36 for $14.99. So you're paying less than 50 cents

a condom. Condoms haven't been our form of birth control for ages. Condoms also suck, though. You always say that. I don't mind condoms at all. Taylor is a condom hater. I'm a big fan of condoms because they make it last longer. Yeah.

If you're, yeah. That's the advice I give out to young kids. But yeah, if you're like, you know, I'll make you 18 in this scenario and you're not lasting as long as you wish you were, condoms could be your ticket. Yeah, absolutely. Even so, even so, like if you're lasting like you know 10 15 minutes and you want to have sex for longer than that it's still you know you throw a condom on and then you're lasting 15 20 but cialis is definitely the way to go cialis has i i get none of the side effects of c with uh cialis like the awful fucking headache that goes on and on and on

the light sensitivity like the grogginess it's it's a terrible feeling uh i'm afraid i'm afraid of it i'm afraid of relying on it like right now i just do do you know what uh dhea is no so dhea is is the basically the hormone in the body that like produces a bunch of stuff it's like it's relatively new research so they don't know exactly everything but it's apparently taking dhea supplements uh ends up like increasing and a lot of people it increases libido uh it uh increases i think health for blood pressure and like a bunch of other things as well and it's like you just you know take it it's a small pill you take it like once a day and it's not like oh i'm gonna get a raging boner it's like no i'm just gonna you know increase what i normally have by 10 to 20 is this a prescription no it's uh it's over the counter and it's like it's so new that like when i went to a pharmacy

and it's you know like you go to one of those pharmacies with a with a wall of a billion different things and i'm just like hey do you know where the dhea is and they're like what is that i'm like it's a thing that you sell you're a pharmacist you're a, hey, do you know where the DHEA is? And they're like, what is that? I'm like, it's a thing that you sell. You're a pharmacist. You're a pharmacist. How do you not know what this is? And so I had to like Google it to see if it was in that store. And it was.

And then like I found it behind like vitamin D because they just, oh, this starts with D. This must be vitamin D. You know, I've never heard of the reliance on Viagra or Cialis concern until you said it. Well, just the idea of like I was talking to a friend of mine about it you know like i said i'm almost 40 and i started thinking like oh that might be a thing that i should think about and then uh my friend said no no once uh like once my friend took it and he tried not to and then it was like it was difficult for him to get anything going without it i wonder if that was psychosomatic or like what the scoop could be yeah it could have been i highly recommend cialis you you have

no idea it's it's your refractory period is significantly shortened you're ready to go again well apparently woody doesn't have one so what he does as soon as he never finishes delayed i He just delayed. I didn't realize that was weird. Or it could perhaps I come wrong. I truly think that you come about 70%. I don't think so. You leave a little gas in there. Never had an orgasm.

That's right. Don't listen to those children in the background. You don't want to get dependent on it, but what you need are some of these vape liquids that have cialis and viagra in them i just linked you that article the fda is apparently cracking down those goddamn bureaucrats yeah saying that we can no longer put cialis and viagra in vape pods or vape liquids which i'm staunchly against if you want to get a boner while you you know you get addicted to nicotine,

more power to you. I'm actually a big fan of this because the, not everybody, obviously, but the majority of people who vape and talk about vaping a whole lot are total douchebags, and I don't want them reproducing. So I think it's good that they can't have sex as much. Strong point. This could create a whole new generation of douchebags,

and I'm happy to contribute. Wait, they put traces of an anti-obesity medication? You know, I was just reading about life expectancies today, I think. And I guess Japan has the longest life expectancy, but they're going to lose it to Spain for whatever reason. America is dropping from like 30-something to 64th on the list in terms of longest life expectancy. A lot of people will haze our health care system, but that's not where it belongs. It belongs in obesity and diet. Why can't they cure obesity?

Why aren't they working harder on that? It seems like you could just raise metabolism. No, there's actually a cure for it. No, a diet and exercise? No, I was going to say kill all of them. They're doing that already. I was trying to go more extreme. Yeah, well, they did going to say kill all of them. They're doing that already. I was trying to go more extreme. Yeah, well, they do that to themselves.

No, but there is... I think the things that they need to work on the most is diet and exercise and sleep. If there was a pill that could just go, okay, I'm going to take this and not just like, oh, it'll knock me out for the night.

Like, that does exist. Like, you know, melatonin or even, like, you know, cold medicine. But if there's a pill where I could just be like, this is a nap pill. I want to sleep for a half hour right now. That would be the greatest thing that existed. Yes, it would. That would be a great thing. Something that would knock a person out for 20 to 30 minutes. I did not think about that.

You wake up, you feel refreshed, and you have no memory of what may or may not have transpired. This is what happens when good people want positive technology and then it gets in the hands of evil people. May cause vaginal soreness.

I get tired, Kyle. I get tired. That was what I was thinking at first. I'm like, why does Steve want an easier-to-use rape pill? Get your rape in, and she doesn't have to spend the night. I don't even think that way. That's why. I was literally, I'm so fucking naive about that shit that I was like, sometimes during the day I'm really tired,

and I only have a little bit of time to sleep before a gig, and so I'd love to just take a quick nap. And then when you try to take a nap and you just lay there and you know you only have a limited amount of time, you're never going to sleep. So why can't I just have a pill? And you guys are like raping bitches. That's not what I thought about. Steve's delayed reaction nap and sore asshole pills.

Please don't name them for me. Legitimate Rage does the timeline for this show And I always get a kick of how he avoids Like adult topics that would get flagged By YouTube He'll cleverly phrase your rape pills into something that's I don't know it won't say rape Unconsensual tablets Yeah consensual tablets

Unconsensual tablets yeah Speaking of that uh we met it officially happened i met legitimate rage how what'd you think dublin uh it was actually the whole thing was it was a little bit sad because like i didn't know that he i mean the the kid is first of all he's 13 which made me feel kind of bad about picking on him you know because he's like a child he lives in a sewer he's no he doesn't live in a sewer but he is confined to a wheelchair which was really difficult he's got one of those like talking apparatus things and like i really i really felt like a bully because like all this time i was like

fuck legitimate rage he's a sewer person and literally he's just being like no i'm not you know it's a difficult thing you know i felt really i felt really bad about it and especially because he doesn't even have parents like he was brought there by his ward like the or the or he's a ward of the state however it works it's in ireland i don't know the term for it so out of the state yeah yeah exactly yeah i just i didn't know how to pronounce it correctly and yeah it was just the whole thing uh whole thing was really sad it was the first time he had actually uh been allowed out in months and i like it was really nice of him to to spend that time at my show yeah can i ask

i want to know how it really went because i think that on day. The first time he was impolite toward you, I think you genuinely didn't appreciate it. And then over time, it became something you both had fun with. Yeah, I thought it was really shitty of him to just break down all the reasons why he hated me so much. Even if he did. And he was a mod, right? So then it was like, you're supposed to be on our team. Exactly. And also, the forehead thing became a joke. did and he was a mod right so then it was like you're supposed to be on our team but exactly and also and you know the forehead thing became a joke but it was just the thing i latched on to

that like they're really come on you're really nitpicking at this point like if that's the problem if you if you really want to pick a fit like any guests physically apart i think maybe you guys you guys have had three guests that you can't do that to. Like, there was, uh, like, look, okay. Aaron Foster. Aaron Foster, clearly. Uh, that model that Kyle desperately wanted to fuck. Um. Which one? Alina. Yes. And then, uh, and yeah, those

are the two. So, uh, and, I mean, look, most of your guests, like, look, I've seen a couple episodes. Like, most of your guests are not even in human form. So, like, the idea that you couple episodes. Most of your guests are not even in human form. The idea that you're going to make fun of my forehead when there are people who legit just haven't been out of a house? Come on. So I was very...

You're winning over a lot of fans today. Oh, I don't care. The ones who like me like me and the ones who don't don't we're beyond that but uh but no just just the idea that like are like that's what you're gonna pick apart and i was annoyed by it but i will say from the very beginning he took it very very well like from the very beginning he didn't escalate he didn't be like well fuck you bet you know he he laughed it off he took shots at me right back but not in a like very you know not in a stupid like well you're no you're a bigger cuck like not that

kind of way and i wasn't i i honestly was impressed by it and it's been a fun little uh it's been a fun little back and forth and some people can't take it some people can't take a little joke they can't go with it they can't like throw it back and i feel like those people have never had like male friends in their entire life that like josh around with each other you know that like pick on each other back and forth and that's something that i've always done with like guy friends that i do have like like certainly with my cousin and like people that i know yeah like like little and i are not he and i are not friends i i there's a guy i play video games with he'll hear this midi

and uh and and he makes some poor decisions sometimes and so we've started calling stupid stupid people mitwits he hates that also also would work as well um i know you i absolutely agree with you kyle and you know the the ability to you know kind of take it and understand also understand it's a bit like the first time I did it, I was like, fuck this guy. And I didn't really know much about it. I didn't really care. But then when it became a running, it became a runner. And then people were like, oh, you're beating a dead horse.

Here's this picture. What do you have posted a thousand times? Oh, you're running this joke into the ground. Doesn't Taylor look like an owl? And I was like it's like yeah you know what we're doing these bits like it's a it's a thing you do it's it's for recognition when you know the show and like you it's theme and variation it's a way to do the bit and then take it to the next level my favorite one was before i came on the last show i posted or before it was released i I posted this whole long thing on Reddit about how upset I was. You guys had bumped me off the show, and I waited there for hours.

And it was this long thing, and I was, like, really emotional in it. And, like, just stuff clearly out of character. But if you read it down the line, it just spells fuck legitimate rage. I didn't see that. I need to try and find it. It was really, really fun. And, first of all, I really did appreciate the people who didn't see that i need to try and find it it was really really fun and first of all i really did appreciate the people who didn't get it and were like no don't leave the show steve we like you and then the other people were like yeah fuck you we never we never found you funny anyway

it's like and you still don't get this joke uh and then uh cultivated a friendly group of people yeah and then but no but most people get it. And then Legitimate Rage wrote something back where I think he spelled forehead down the side of it. Which was, you know, it was fun. He did get it. Yeah, and so here's how the meeting actually went. So it was my show in Dublin, which was one of the smaller shows on the tour. And I think we were doing like Monday night at the Workman's Club. And, you know, he came, he made these forehead masks which was bravo did he really that's

bravo he made a bunch of forehead masks um where yeah just giant foreheads because he shrunk it uh and you know and it was fun and we took pictures with it like i think there was two other pka people who came also and like i also put one on um and and it was a lot of fun i talked to them for a bit he got wasted uh yeah after the show he was talking to me he was definitely a little uh a little drunk um i think he's 19 which is i guess drinking age over there um sure yeah it's younger in the states because you know they've they've seen some shit you know they have to they're they're a little worried they're gonna start drinking earlier if they're gonna to be bombed by the IRA. But it's just

nothing on that. That was for you guys. I think you said it backwards. You said it was younger in the States. Oh, no, no. Younger than in the States. Oh, okay. Sorry, I was trying to find this for Woody to show. The picture of him with his forehead. Oh, with the mask? Yeah. Yeah, but it was great.

He was a good sport about it. And it was also something where I like, I could tell he enjoyed, he's a huge fan of the show, clearly. And he enjoyed that, like, he used to be an anonymous fan of the show, and now he's part of the lore. Yeah, true. And so, you know, and it's also something where, like, every time I do a show, I have someone come up to me,

and they'll just be like, fuck legitimate rage, and I'll be like, sewer person. And then it's a fun, you know, it's like a code. I have someone come up to me and they'll just be like, fuck legitimate rage. It'll be like, sue our person. And then it's a fun... It's like a code. It's great. So I enjoyed it. He was a really good sport about it. We didn't murder each other or anything, but his parents

are dead. That part I did not make up. His parents have been murdered a long time ago and he is a ward of the state. Which is... Poor guy. For a moment you had me. I was like... And you're like, wow, he's being kind of cavalier about that.

I mean, we were talking about Jewish stuff earlier and I saw this on the internet a couple days ago. A beauty pageant in Israel crowns a 93-year-old as Miss Holocaust Survivor. Here she comes. Miss Holocaust Survivor. No gas for her.

Jesus Christ. Hang on, let me revive her like this i heard this i thought it was like a fucking joke like they would not have a miss holocaust survivor in israel of all places and it's real i think the i think the the idea of it is putting Holocaust survivors out on display reminds people that the Holocaust is a thing that actually happened because of you know how many fucking crazy people that are there that deny it

but this is not in good taste yeah it's like I don't even understand the point of like well we're getting it out there it's like what like it's taught there's gotta be a better way there are it's there's, we're getting it out there. It's like, what? There's got to be a better way. There's like a hundred documentaries on it.

There's a thousand TV shows that have referenced it. Really? You're going to go with a beauty pageant? Okay, well, you do you, I guess. If you survived the Holocaust, does that imply that you did some shit to get picked and make it through layer after layer? Was that just the first round of this beauty pageant? No, way back in the day. Did she lie about being a cobbler? Oh, Jesus Christ!

So that the idea that the Holocaust was just the first round of this beauty pageant that was going to take place much later? No, like 9 million entered, only 3 million made it to the second round That's about the same odds as the first round Of a regular beauty pageant It's my understanding that surviving in Auschwitz

Is a little like getting through in Survivor You know, you need to prove your skills Your worth so that you're useful to the camp I don't think it was As much like a video game As you're saying, where it's like, all right, task one. Like, listen up, Jews, you got to do this obstacle course. You know, and then they had, like, I don't think they did.

I thought it was crazy that during the Holocaust that Jeff Probst didn't just help them. Yeah. You know? You're right there, man. You have a whole camera crew. You're right there. You have food. Yeah.

The Holocaust would have been much more festive if they'd had, like, if it was like Ninja, Extreme Ninja Warrior, where they were running through, they were like running along logs and stuff. Yeah, that was just when they were trying to escape. I wonder if there were any people who were falsely accused. Come on up on the electric fence jump! Oh! Boy, she didn't make it. Were there a lot of falsely accused?

Oh, here comes Herman. He's going to try to make it past the machine gun. Oh, nope, nope. The barbed wire hurdles. Well, if he wasn't circumcised before, he is now. I was a much better person before I started hanging out with you guys. I just want to make that clear. And to the 95-pound weight class.

Everyone. Jesus Christ. Who can hold the breath the longest in the gas chamber? Steve is just jumping in with the Holocaust jokes. I put this set up. I can't. The comic in me.

The comedian in me is outweighing the Jew in me right now. We made rape jokes five minutes ago. We could do Holocaust jokes. Come on, they're funny. The more horrible a thing is, the more laughter is closely related with pain in many ways. It's good to make those jokes.

Absolutely. That's one reason I could see this pageant like that is the only point that would make sense to me, Kyle. Where it's like, people often cope with heavy things in a light way to make it more digestible. It's like they're clearly taking something very heavy and making it more light. I feel like a 9-11 widow beauty pageant. I don't think enough time has passed.

No? There's that phrase, gallows humor. They won't be hot anymore. There you go. There's a phrase, Gallows Humor. They won't be hot anymore. There you go. There's a phrase, Gallows Humor. This is literally what that is. It is literally Gallows Humor. Also, by the way, I don't want to just gloss off this 9-11 beauty pageant.

That's right. Yeah. Sorry, Woody. Go for it. I was just thinking, instead of a 9-11 widow's pageant, it should be like a 9-11 children's pageant, because then they'd be hot. Or you could have done it right afterward,

and then everybody would have been hot. They could be like 18 years old right now. Is that about right? 17? Yeah, that would have been in 2001. Why do you always have to go so young with you that is a good question like some people who were people who were three at the time children and they like lost parents yeah hosted by pete davidson okay that was sorry that was inappropriate

he really didn't i still don't know who he is he was dating ariana grande he's very very funny he's a whole eyes oh butthole eyes that's that guy he's a comedian uh very funny super nice dude uh i met him right i met him right before he just kind of like like popped uh and he uh i mean his his story is crazy. Like, he did lose his dad in 9-11. And then he ended up doing comedy, like, as a teenager to kind of, like, cope with things. And he was good early. And then he ended up getting on SNL. I think it was, like, Dennis Leary saw him when he was really young and then started, like, giving him projects and stuff. And then that kind of led to the industry. The industry goes so crazy over someone who's funny when they're young even if they're like one-tenth as funny as someone who's five

years older they're just like what could we mold this person into they're like oh man this is great he doesn't know anything about ethics or morals yet you can totally take advantage of this kid like that's basically what the industry does uh they're like, if we trick this kid's parents, we could have anything we want. I was excited about him getting married to Ariana Grande. Why? Because she's so much hotter. It was like a victory. It was like Revenge of the Nerds when he raped that girl at the end.

We all cheer for the guy who otherwise wouldn't score her. I don't think the analogy holds up quite as well as it started, as you said. But as a comic, the idea, it's that Jessica Rabbit thing. When they're like, Jessica Rabbit, why are you with him? And she goes, he makes me laugh. And that's something

that every comic wants that. Every comic wants to be the Roger Rabbit who lands the Jessica Rabbit. And that's basically what p davidson was wow so you you didn't like my thing but you go straight bestiality okay they were both oh no they weren't no they weren't were they by the way in in the toon land bestiality is perfectly fine and by the way also also he's the rabbit. She's the one screwing up. You can't get mad at the rabbit for wanting to fuck the human. They mostly play patty kids anyway.

I'm trying so hard to think of events for the 9-11 beauty pageant. Well, you know what the winner gets, right? What? Airline miles. Jesus Christ. I can't think of anything like the 76 story base jump you know what the winner gets the winner gets a parachute

a parachute and a fire extinguisher yeah lung cancer that would be hilarious if one guy up there had prepared for this situation with like a base jumping harness just broke a window and jumped out. You laughed at me every day! Yes.

And then he does it and then that's when the building falls on him. Still didn't work out, Pete. There appears to be a man falling slowly in front of the building. He just drills into the second building. I probably shoot to work every day for a year, and you all

laughed it up. Well, today who's laughing? Only people who are horribly inappropriate is who's laughing that day. I actually do think, though, that if I ever had, if I ever worked above the height where it'd be safe to use a parachute from, because if you're

on the 30th, 40th floor, or whatever it that doesn't matter no you could get one of those uh they make like woody would know better than me like don't they make like those really quick releasing parachutes that what's the lowest altitude like you did that thing i threw one at 70 feet once 70 feet yeah so that's oh shit that's only like seven stories yeah and yeah and he hit hard like it's not like he landed like on a bed of cotton like it but i don't know if you've seen those videos of the people jumping out of the world trade center they landed very hard they landed harder yeah that's that's such upsetting footage yeah if i had an office like if i ever worked in an office or lived in a place like that high i think i would just have one of those parachutes because you never know it's not like in case a plane hits us it's like

there's a lot of other shit that could go wrong yeah i would keep a gun to blow out my windows if need be and then have a wingsuit so it doesn't matter what height i'm on i can jump out and glide to safety that's my understanding of wings You might want to do a little more research. I'm just the bee's knees. When do I start going? I'm just going down. Yeah. Chipmunk wings or a flying squirrel.

Someone just comes in the office and be like, what? No, someone just overcooked something in the microwave. What happened to Taylor? Someone just microwaved! Bang, bang, bang! That's my 911. I wonder how hard it is to break those windows.

Is it a feasible thing? If you throw a chair at it, will they break? No, not a chair. I think Taylor may be onto something with a fucking handgun. It's that rough, huh? No, you use one of those little things you keep in your car to break the glasses. A little piece of broken spark plug. There's a name for that.

Does anyone know it? Ceramic is on the spark plug. That's what's hard enough to do the deal. Oh, I just know the thing. I have one in a little pocket on my door. Yeah, the little escape tool. It's got the retracted blade for cutting the seat belt, and it's partially a hammer to knock out the glass.

I don't have one. I heard about these guys apparently with the Cadillac XLR, I think it is. I think that's the Corvette equivalent that's a Cadillac. They have this issue where you can get locked into your own car if the battery dies because the door is electric. And this old guy got trapped in his car for hours and hours. A few people

have died because they just got cooked in their own car. But there's a fucking manual release if you reach under and pull. These guys just didn't know about it. It's kind of sad. A broken piece of spark plug is known as a ninja rock here on the street. So now you guys know.

Yeah, a ninja rock. That sounds cool as shit. That sounds like a new kind of crack cocaine. Ninja rock. It's the kind of rock you don't even see coming. I've never broken glass with one. Have you guys actually tried it? Is that what you were saying? Yes, I have broken glass with all of the things I had plenty of cars To fuck around with

Handgun works best It gets them right out I didn't do it myself But I saw someone close a hatchback On something where it didn't fit and it broke And it broke much easier than you might guess Because it's Something about that because it's it

something about that angle and what it was being closed on but i'm telling you like we would sit there and try to like i i have these gloves that have kevlar knuckles on them they're they're like super crazy like military gloves and you can punch really hard stuff without really hurting yourself too badly i mean if you hit it wrong you'll break your fucking hand. Kevlar, the fabric, or is it that Kydex? It's, the knuckles are hard domes of something. And we would punch the windows of these cars trying to break them. None of us could break a car window. And we would elbow them until we were all holding our elbows and limping around.

Like, that was stupid. And then it was like, well, let me just take a hammer and do it. Try. Try to knock a car window out with a fucking hammer it's hard bounces the fuck off was it the front window or any other window the side windows like the door windows yeah now the windshield is a whole different situation it's it's it's not the same kind of glass and it's pinched between layers of plastic to keep from it makes it safer yeah but the the side windows are much tougher than you could ever imagine like like a hammer i will just hit it and deflect off like multiple times so you have to be very careful when you do it with the hammer that you're not standing right behind the hammer or you're gonna get a claw in your face uh i there's a video of someone doing just that uh there's

there's there's a video yes there's probably porn of someone doing that. The handle of the hammer is in the vagina and she's swinging it with her hand. So how did you break it? Did you break it? I don't think we ever broke it. I think we just shot it with a handgun. Oh. Alright. I thought

this was going to evolve too and then we figured out a simple way to do it is X. I think you tie an old computer to a desk chair and then you throw it at the window. That's how you knock it on the plaza.

That's true. I wonder who else is getting it. You got the reference? Very nice, Woody. Very nice. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Casper Mattresses. Casper is a sleep brand that makes expertly designed products to help you get the best,

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And of course, I got the reference, Kyle. i'm a huge fan of brooklyn 99 by the way did you i'm not gonna let that hang uh did you see the did you see the trailer poster i made for this episode no here uh i put it in the chat i made a i made a movie poster everything you thought you knew about Cucks forehead six coming soon to podcasts everywhere forget everything you thought you knew about Cucks that's hilarious thanks did you Taylor did you read the bottom the starring

Taylor's the friendly owl yeah I like that nicely done yeah I thought that would be fun fun way to fun way to needle the people who don't like me and most people like you but there's always a vocal minority i think i but i think i think i and i'll be honest i'll be the first one to admit that i i am complicit in in why that

happened in the beginning because i didn't understand this podcast at first. Because this podcast is not an interview show. It is a hang. And, like, in the beginning, I'm so used to, as a comic, most of the ones you do are interview shows. And so, like, at first, I was trying to make it about me. And then I realized that, like, no, it's about just hanging out and being one of the guys. And, like, that's how you do PKA. Yeah. Initially, it can be, you know do pka yeah initially it can be

you know i mean initially it can be kind of an interview show but eventually like we know you right we we we know what's going on there we can't ask those same questions again and then it really does become kind of one of the guys situation we've seen that evolve over time with a lot of our guests you know like like filthy robot is a guy that we've had on a bunch of time he's at times he's a gaming youtuber and it's rare that we've had on a bunch of times. He's a gaming YouTuber. And it's rare that we pull something out of him that's new. I mean, last time he was on, we did. We learned about him doing that hook suspension thing where they put those big hooks in your flesh

and hang you from trees and stuff. That's something that he's experimented with. Oh, sorry, go ahead. And we knew about... He's got a major that involves sexuality, and he's into BDSM and stuff, and he's well-versed in that stuff.

He has a master's degree in sexual deviance, or something close to that. Sexual deviance? Not quite, but... It's close. I'm not far from... It's like a master's degree in sexual health with sexual deviance as a core or a thesis or something.

He's a bona fide pervert. Dude. I want to hear him describe it. Because master's in sexual deviance sounds like a joke, but it's really about right. Sexual deviance. No, we're not interested in anything

that's not really upsetting to people. By the way, top comments on your, I'm coming on are all kind of like, Hey, this guy won me over. Yeah. Yeah.

I think, I think it's, uh, you know, there's still a couple of people occasionally who get very mad and then can't spell their anger. But, uh,

for the, you know, for the most part, I think, uh, I think the, the tide has turned. And like I said,

you know, I'll, I'll admit that, uh, you admit that at first, especially because I am outspokenly progressive and not everybody is down with that. And I get that. And I could be abrasive. My friend Jay Black refers to me as binary because he's like, people are ones and zeros when it comes to you. People either like you or they fucking hate you. And there's no, eh, I guess he's a thing like it's it's pretty much one of the other day either get

what i do or they hate me for it i uh i and you mentioned progressive forgive me for bringing up politics right now yeah there's a guy they work for the washington post who got killed probably by the saudi arabians it's either washington or Washington Times. Look, maybe, maybe not. We don't know for sure what happened other than that that happened. I've been asking myself this question. For people who don't know, he was a reporter.

He wasn't an American, but he was a permanent citizen. Green card, maybe. And he kind of got lured into this Saudi Arabian consulate. Consulate, thank you. And 15 people from Saudi Arabia,ia nine of them like high ranking officials in the government one brought a bone saw and you know he never walked out let's just

say that the the working theory is that they uh chopped up his body with the bone saw and carried him out in bags and the turks claim that they have audio of the whole thing because they had this consulate was based in turkey no well this is different than that that they have audio of the whole thing because they had this consulate was based in turkey no well this is different than that um they had the uh the consulate bugged you know it's it's the saudi arabian consulate in turkey and the turkish um uh government had it bugged supposedly and so they supposedly have audio of the whole thing going down they have a part where um the the guy who works there at the consulate is like hey don't do this in my office i don't want to get in trouble and they're like if you ever want to go back to saudi arabia live shut the fuck up and then apparently there's seven minutes

of them dismembering him alive uh you know they cut his fingers off and chop him into bits with a bone saw and apparently the guy doing the chopping is like hey guys usually when i do this i like to play a little music put some earpl plugs in it really helps and you know so but we really need that audio we do need the audio so um then i try to put myself in trump's shoes right i try to be like a grown-up about it as trump would say but i'm just trying to be even right be purple on this not red or blue and on one hand the moral thing to do is like to sanction saudi arabia and to cut them off and stop buying their oil and to stop selling them billions of dollars worth of military equipment but then you're like hundreds of billions thank you so that's one way you could

go but like that you're hurting yourself a lot on this moral stand the other way you could go the way i predict trump will go is to be be like, you know what? We all kill people now and then. I understand. Bygones be bygones. And I've been asking myself this. What would happen if this was a white guy from Fox News? How would we respond to this

same thing? Or if it was a little adorable white girl that Nancy Grace could complain about? Now, these Saudi Arabians are murdering our girls, and it has to stop. We haven't even asked where

they were. You didn't have me in the first three or four syllables, and then you brought me in. I'm like, I see it, I see it. Yeah. The moral of the story here is don't talk shit about the crown prince of Saudi Arabia in your globally read publication, right? Talk shit, get hit. I've covered this.

Yeah. Nancy Grace Edway is Reverend Lovejoy's wife from The Simpsons. I hate her. She's like the real life. Won't someone think of the children? But I think – like I saw the story and people were like, what are we going to do about it? I was like, we did nothing to the Saudi Arabians after 9-11. Like, all those hijackers were Saudi Arabian.

And then we were like, well, we got to get retribution. Let's invade Afghanistan and Iraq because. They should have thrown in Mexico because they had made up shit to do with it. Yeah, exactly. Like, the idea that suddenly our politics are going to one journalist, and I'm not downplaying this. It is a fucking tragedy. It is disgusting when you – and especially a journalist, but any citizen. But that said, we didn't sanction Saudi Arabia after 9-11.

Why the fuck would it happen now? Well, and even that, like it's not – you don't even have to go Arabia after 9-11. Why the fuck would it happen now? Well, and even that, like, you don't even have to go back to 9-11. They've been committing a damn near genocide in Yemen for years now, and nobody gives two shits. Nobody gives a fuck. It would almost be like a fuck you to those people in Yemen if it was like, all right, we don't give a shit,

and we're going to let them keep doing whatever they want to you, but this one journalist died, and so now we're all really upset about it. The journalist was a real person. Yeah, the journalist was a real person. He wrote in English sometimes. They execute gays and dissenters all the time. People who do

all kinds of ridiculous things. They execute them. I just don't understand why this one is such a big deal other than the fact that he was a journalist. He was one of us. And by one of us, I mean a journalist, right? Because he wasn't an American. The media is giving him. Because he's one of us. He was one of us. And by one of us, I mean a journalist, right? Because he wasn't an American. The media is giving him attention because he's one of the media

is the way that... Exactly. Yeah. They protect their own. And it's like, that makes me like, yeah, you're right, it is terrible,

but it's like, whoa. Well, they're supposed to be... So when one of yours dies, it's really, really a huge deal when all these people that the same regime is killing, people who you purport to care about, gays, women, when they treat them like shit forever yeah that's just their culture they

do what they want and i think they should report on all of it but i do understand the idea of like journalists are we're always supposed to be a bit hands-off because we're supposed to be able to find out what's going on in the world and if journalists decide in their yellow high-vis safety vests that aren't part of this show. They're just talking about it. Yeah, that would be the ideal. And the idea of if you can get killed

for writing that, then no one's going to ever write that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's definitely a bad thing. I'm just saying. I'll tell you what, I'm not talking any shit about the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia. He seems like a good guy definitely a bad thing. I'm just saying. I'll tell you what. I'm not talking any shit about the crown prince of Saudi Arabia. He seems like a good guy and a strong leader. A resolute leader.

I hear he's got a big dick and an excellent lover. I hear he gets so much pussy, he doesn't know what to do with it. I bet he's got a harem of beautiful women who are with him because of his personality. Now, Steve, I hate to break this to you, but no matter how good your compliments are, I don't think he's going to like you. Oh, it's the red hair? I got contacted by the ginger thing. Yeah, the ginger thing.

I got contacted by one of the princes of Jordan once and almost got to hang out with that guy because he liked fucking shit blowing up or whatever. For a second, I thought you were talking about Spam. Like, I got contacted by the prince of Nigeria. We have that in common. I once got contacted by someone in Burundi

who knew a dead relative of mine. I replied to one of those once. I want to try to find it, because I wrote this whole thing like they talked about, like, you know, this whatever cousin that left you this money, and so I wrote a whole email just talking shit about that alleged cousin. Just writing all this, I'm glad he's fucking dead i hated that guy like it was a lot of

fun so you knew ted too yeah you had a good story we didn't yeah pretty close it was um a guy that i knew who made weapons and had sold those weapons to the jordanians, specifically to their version of the Secret Service. He had seen the video that I had done with their weaponry, and he thought it was cool, and he was going to come over at some point and hang out or something, and they were talking about how he came over with two fucking 747s or something, and one was a cargo plane, and one was a people plane and the cargo plane he brought like a convoy of vehicles and then the people plane he just filled it up

with his buddies um i don't know whatever happened to that i but but but i was i was very excited to meet that guy because those guys seem fucking cool shroud has a donator on his stream who's from like the united arab emirates who's some kind of prince you know and their royal family or some shit and And he routinely drops five or eight thousand dollars and shit like that. It's crazy to see. Woody Craft had a person like that. I think Shroud did better than I ever did.

But he would spend a lot. And sometimes he would want credit for how much he bought. And I'd be like, actually you're like the fourth biggest donator. And he's like, that can't be like i've bought so much but it turned out he was buying like all of his friends and stuff ranks so to me it looked like his friends were buying it like i didn't track it by the payment method

i tracked it by who like received it so he had to like just buy shit until he was number one which i was fine with. I have a... Go ahead. I was saying, I have a guy who donates a lot, too, but he's just a dude that works in IT. He's not the prince or anything. He's not royalty. Get yourself a nice prince.

Someone's in succession of line for the throne. You'll like it. Turns out my stand-up doesn't really appeal so much to that demographic. Salvi's not a big fan of old Steve for some reason. Do you ever play Fallujah? Yeah, I almost did the chuckle puddle in Fallujah.

Time! Yeah, where comedy reigns. It was pretty terrible. I have an AMA question for Woody. Oh, okay. Why haven't you had a vasectomy yet? Oh, I've told at least part of this story before. My father had a vasectomy,

but my father's sex life was so active, he fell on this tiny percentage of people who got soreness and backup because he fucked so much that the vasectomy like caused trouble for him so i just didn't want that same problem i just love the idea that like that is what he just told people where it's like maybe he just went to like a shitty vasectomy place and then like well what's the problem i i've been fucking too much i don't know what it is i just get late all the time i

think i worked at his accounting firm at the time this went down so there was like a like i don't know like it was the office banter like he had soreness that he didn't have an answer to you know he didn't know what was wrong until eventually the doctor was like how much sex do you have and he's like oh it's like a second job sometimes and uh it turned out that was the so that's why because are you sure it wasn't like he didn't go to a botch a shitty guy like wands vasectomies and hedge clipping yeah uh yeah i think i read the story right but yeah i just love you you use the hedge clippers for the vasectomy? No! No! Like he's just in the hedge clipper room with like the teeny scissors.

Be like, well, if these are here, here's the... Oh, no! They just look like hedge clippers, just a little like... But they're powered. Yeah, I wouldn't want to go to him. This AMA question is for me. What's the coolest armored vehicle you've been able to drive? Was it the BMP from the House Destruction video, or have you driven cooler off-camera?

Yeah, it might be that BMP. I mean, all those tanks I drove were fucking cool, I guess. But the BMP was like, I don't know. On the inside, it's got all these red lights for like to so that you keep your night vision and the gauges are made out of radium radium i was gonna say tritium but that's a more modern radioactive element i think that's used for uh for glowy things radium actually gives off fucking radiation like it's um that thing was the fake thing used in spider-man 2 no tritium is a real thing like uh my watch has tritium in it it's what keeps the gate makes the gauges glow and a lot of

a lot of optics like uh firearm optics use tritium as like the you know the the the chevron or whatever the point of aim to so that it lights up and glows for you. I'm going to look this up. Go for it. Yeah, no, tritium is a real thing and it's very expensive. Yeah, it is a real thing, but they did use it in Spider-Man 2. It was a fusion reactor that runs on tritium fuel.

I didn't see that coming. Okay. Yeah, that thing was fucking cool. I mean, we drove it through fucking walls and it was very expensive, but the guy who owned it is worth $ 250 million some odd dollars plenty so he was just and he's my age so he's just like fuck it and like like you know he didn't care how much damage was done to the thing i i'd driven tanks in the past where the guy who owned it was like a 70 year old guy

who's worth maybe 30 million dollars popper and and he's over there like with his arms crossed all mad like like when we do something bad with his tank we did the one we took to um maybe we took it to white castle or something like that it was in kentucky and uh and it was that situation and i'd been warned that like the guy doesn't want any damage to come to this thing etc etc etc so i made sure the thing that would damage it for sure was the last thing we did we're going to drive the tank over a jeep grand cherokee and all of the people who were there to operate the tank were part of a reenactment group a world war ii reenactment group so they're wearing legit world war ii tankers

uniforms and helmets and i i had learned throughout the day, I'd realized that these guys were really into it, like getting into character and role-playing. And I'm in the gunner's seat that's directly to the right of the driver, and he's sitting right next to me to my left, and he's got his fucking World War II helmet on, and we've got our headsets on,

and we're talking over these weird World War II throat mic situations, so we can't hear the roar of the diesel engine we can just hear each other really clearly and i'm like you know this is exactly how it would have been me over here gunning you driving you keeping me alive me keeping you alive this is exactly how it would have been we'd have been rolling down some street in paris and there'd be some fucking Nazi pigs car parked, and we'd have just crushed that bitch. And we wouldn't have hit it softly. We'd have hit it full fucking form. And he's like, yeah, yeah, you know you're right.

You're fucking right. We'd crush that piece of shit, that Nazi pigs fucking Duesenberg piece of shit. I'm like, yeah, yeah yeah fucking hit it hard bro hit it hard and I'll let rip with the 50 and he's a good fucking jeep and rips the fender right off the tank and meanwhile he gets out after and he's like yeah I'm a schoolteacher actually I bet he got in so much trouble. The guy was so pissed we ripped the fender off that thing. But it was like, fuck it. That's not my fender.

Yeah. You trick him by pumping his tires a bit. You know, you're just like that guy from that tank movie with fucking Brad Pitt. You're Brad Pitt, bro. You're Brad Pitt not Shia LaBeouf. Let's go. You know what Brad Pitt'd do? Brad Pitt'd bro. You're Brad Pitt, not Shia LaBeouf. Let's go. You know what Brad Pitt would do?

Brad Pitt would fuck up this tank. Yeah, that's what I'll do. You think Brad Pitt is scared of that millionaire furrowing his brow at us? Hell no. Let's run him over, too, and keep this tank. Conquer Lexington, Kentucky with this ride. We were talking about religion and shit earlier, in kentucky with this ride we were talking about a religion and shit earlier and i saw something that a bunch of witches wiccans are were gathering up in like a witch meet to put a hex on brett

kavanaugh and like i was thinking about it and i was like isn't allowing it wouldn't isn't this like a tacit admission that all this stuff is nonsense you know like if you could actually put curses on people or if a bunch of christians or muslims and jews could get together and like hold hands and like summon god like the government would have to come in and break that shit up there'd have to be like like would they come in and break the government up there's there's a coven there's a coven on east sixth we need to go break it up in 10 minutes they're gonna have this spell finished this is our last ditch app like no like it's it's a tacit mission that it's all trash all nonsense right like yes everybody knows yeah for sure it's like in their heart of hearts people know that no no no they don't no they don't okay a lot of people don't let me sell

you on this i was just watching joe rogan talk about the fake martial arts and how there's a cult mindset within the dojo, the McDojo as they're known. And he showed some of those clips that not the ones necessarily where the fake martial artist gets beaten up by the boxer or the kickboxer or the Muay Thai guy. He was showing the clips of the guy beating up his own students with ridiculous things. He shows like this guy coming in for a double leg like a wrestling takedown and he's like well i'm gonna strike him here in the by the clavicle and that's the kidney spot and i'm simultaneously gonna hit him here that's the liver spot and the guy comes in for the takedown he goes

and the guy just collapses face first on the ground supposedly unconscious and he's like oh get him up get him up and he's like slapping him on the back to like revive him that guy's faking it he's faking it in the same way those people faked it with the jedi preacher we watched last week where the preacher's swinging his coat at parishioners and knocking them down with the power of the lord it's a cult mindset and people buy into it but i also just read what this actually is this is not a coven of people putting a hex on it's a fucking occult bookstore doing a publicity event to raise money for lgbt charities and just the headlines have decided it's a they're like oh we're gonna do a public hexing and it's like kind of a joke and they and they even say they're like yeah this isn't real this is cathartic

and that's not funny at all but yeah that's why you just go off the headline yeah whatever you want it well no but right but the headline but then like you know whatever headline whatever asshole headline writer like bunch of witches get together but when i see this stuff as someone who is i'm very anti-kavanaugh even if he did not sexually assault anyone which he probably did but even if he did not just his well no i'm saying the sheer number of people who described the behavior that he had one like even one yeah uh even if even if none of that's true uh just the way he purported himself and the way he was like this is a plot by the democrats it's like well you can't be a supreme court justice now like you're supposed to be impartial you're

supposed to be even-tempered like you can't pretend that you are after that yeah but if you get called a rapist you're not going to be even-tempered it's a very normal response to be what to be like fighting back against but there's a difference between being like i categorically deny all of this and like being upset but also like how many times have you lied about inconsequential things how many times has he lied about consequential things like what did he lie about that was like consequential do you think uh the the idea that he was never drunk he didn't say that he never said that he said i drink too many beers sometimes i thought he said he never blacked out he did say that yeah he never said that he said i drink too many beers sometimes i thought he said

he never blacked out he did say that yeah he said he said he never blacked out sorry i phrased it wrong but he said he never blacked out and then there were a ton of people being like he blacked out all the time how would they know well you don't know if i've blacked out i've blacked out and no i blacked out on this show and nobody had any idea i had blacked out i had to tell everybody like i i don't remember anything I said last week. Sorry that I made fun of that man for being partially paralyzed and talking about fucking his girlfriend, because I

was only informed about that at a later date. Anyway, my point is that I am someone who is anti-Brett Kavanaugh, and like I think that, oh, you should have just gone to the next person who believes what he believes if that's truly what you want but uh i see people like this and i'm like please don't help us like the like the coven stuff i'm just like please don't agree with me well the coven shit is just

funny like nobody takes them seriously on the cavanaugh thing here's the argument that i think people sometimes forget the standard for supreme Court justice used to be really high. It used to be difficult to get through that investigative period. It was Zoe Bard was her name. She hired an illegal alien as a babysitter for her kids. And when that came out, they got rid of her. They called it Nannygate. They found out about it.

They're like, oh, my God. She once employed an illegal alien as a babysitter. And she apologized for the embarrassment she brought upon Bill Clinton, of all things, because he had nominated her for Supreme Court justice. Now, you can be accused by, what, three people of sexual assault of one form or another and you can go blackout drunk through your childhood years and lie about your illegal drinking and lie about things that are inconsequential but this is not a fair representation of what happened at all it is like none of those three people had any evidence whatsoever the third one it was completely bunk like they got out of

but i don't i don't think taylor i don't think think that's what he's saying. I'm saying the standard used to be really hard. This was a difficult job to get. Yeah, he used to sniff something improper, and then they would be like, all right, let's move on to the next person. Yeah, right, you can't have this job. This guy stunk. And they were just like, you know, let's just keep pushing through. We want this guy, because I don't know why they couldn't get another guy through the elections. He said he would pardon a president no matter what they did that's why i think a big

reason i think a big reason why is that if you allow a new norm of any accusation at the last second with zero evidence zero evidence or corroborating witnesses if you allow that to be a silver bullet that eliminates someone from contention then it's going to be used in the future but everybody knows this but that's not even it he lied he lied about receiving emails that he received he lied about what did he lie about i'll look at it i don't yeah he pretended to have a very minor role in something uh having to do with like elections and uh it turned i don't even like the guy as a person yeah oh i don't like it he's like he's a total neocon pro-war pro-intervention kind of guy it's just i saw this as like holy shit this is a really scary time if you can just with zero

evidence with zero corroborating witnesses who who validate what you say have the whole media run with it as if you're already guilty and have and are and be assumed guilty until until proven innocent like that's a really dangerous thing which is a tiny piece of what he's done wrong go ahead it is but this is also it's also okay so first of all the uh uh so the email thing uh there ended up being a bunch of emails that they had previously hidden that came out that said that uh so in his testimony he perjured himself four times that we have on record absolutely lied four times no question um but aside what i thought you're looking at a list uh it's a long article that goes through everything one by one um but anyway the but the other thing about what you're saying about, you know, it being a dangerous time, like, yeah, but this is a job interview.

Like, okay, if I were hiring someone for something even less consequential, if I was hiring a personal assistant and then all of a sudden three different people came at me and were like, hey, this person sexually assaulted me, I'd be like, I'm going to move on to the next candidate. But there weren't three that not credible ones. Like, I'm going to move on to the next candidate. But there weren't three not credible ones. Like the first one, one of them said that he waved his dick in a party and she saw it. The other one came out with those allegations that said that he organized gang rape sex parties where he and she saw him drug and spike punch. And she went back on all of that. She said, well, I didn't see him there and I didn't see any gang rape, but he had to have been there.

And I saw guys outside of rooms at a high school party when i was in college i went when this happens i hate when like one of three credible witnesses gets proven wrong and then it's two or three other two uh it's three it's three and then the third none of the of the ford witnesses corroborated as well she the only thing she remembered 100 is is that Kavanaugh did it. She doesn't know who was there. She changed her answer on that. She doesn't know when it was. She doesn't know where it was.

She doesn't know who drove her home. The friends, her best friend for many years said, I have no memory of this. She never mentioned it. She seemed to remember a lot from that night. She remembered the assault pretty well. She didn't remember a single thing. She remembered that he came and he pushed her across. He came from the steps.

He pushed her across the hallway. He put the bed. He shut the door. He turned up the music. He covered my mouth. He did this. He came from the steps, he pushed her across the hallway, he put the bed, he shut the door, he turned up the music, he covered my mouth, he did this, he did that. To say that's one thing. All she remembered was the name of the accuser. And she's talked about her therapist. There's like 17 years of medical records that go

back on this. She didn't mention anyone. She didn't mention Kavanaugh. And then the theory is that they just plucked someone out of the blue that had a sexual assault and then reassigned that to Kavanaugh as a trick 17 years in the making. It's a little sketch. By the way, the thing that he definitely lied about is that he had – he illegally obtained –

Like saying – sorry. Oh, sorry. Yeah, it cut out for a second. I got chopped a bit, sorry. Yeah, so one of the things he definitely lied about was that he illegally obtained and shared a Democratic strategy document that we have proof of this. We have an email where he forwarded this to someone where he was not legally allowed to obtain it. And as someone who's a fucking judge, he should know that. judge he should know that and uh and then he lied about ever having seen it let alone having gotten it and forwarding it with the subject line uh where'd it go with the subject line for use and not distribution like he specifically was like don't show this to anybody guys this kind of thing would have been disqualifying before right for a guy that was that partisan you know the guy who

comes forward and says this is all a a scam, a scandal that Hillary Clinton is putting on for revenge because I was on the Ken Starr case. The kind of thing Steve talked about where he lies about taking Democrat strategy documents and spreading them to the opposition. That kind of thing erodes faith in the Supreme Court, right? You might like it if it's your team. I'm talking about you. But there are people out there who might like it because the red team is winning on this thing. But imagine that this gets flipped

and someone who's so obviously going to struggle to be an impartial juror and will just vote for the blue team no matter what every time. That would worry you. Yeah, and I don't know much at all. i didn't look into the perjury stuff like my only contention aren't the democrats the ones who changed the rules so that so that he could get in with only 50 votes yeah yeah that was a weird thing yeah so what happened was the democrats

had a mild majority in the senate and the republicans were blocking every single person they did. They blocked more Obama nominees than there were nominees blocked previous to Obama. The 44th president had more judicial candidates blocked than the other 43 combined. It was within 30. It was like 960 to 930. So they were like, oh my God, they're just blocking everything. We're trying to nominate people that everyone should like and they're blocking it just because no matter what Obama wants, they say no. And for lower positions too.

And for lower positions. Yeah, they were circuit courts. So the Democrats were like, what are we going to do? They're literally not letting anyone through. We're going to have to change it from 60 to 50. So then when the Republicans came in power, they were like, alright, well now that applies to the Supreme Court as well. Which I guess

is predictable. The counter argument to it is, if this is a possible thing to do, do we think that the Republicans weren't going to do it? Right? If the Democrats didn't do it, would the Republicans be like, you know what, let's just honor precedent and not change the rules? I mean, like, but you have to kind of put some blame on them when they went,

hey, with under our current set of rules this isn't working we need to change the rules and it is short-sighted to see that and do it and then think that the other team isn't going to play by those rules once they're implemented well they accelerated it by applying it to the supreme court so yeah and now the question by the way go ahead here's a fun one uh kavanaugh said that he had no knowledge of any terrorist surveillance programs and that he found out about it by reading a 2005 article in The New York Times. And yet there's emails from him on September 17th, 2001, asking about the implications of the program, basically saying, like, what if this gets out? This kind of thing would have been disqualified previously.

Right. But they wanted him and and steve brings up a good point in that he's kind of proven well he said outright that president shouldn't be bothered by things like the mueller investigation that i agree they should have led with those things and so that might be why they wanted them but they also said that they couldn't squeeze another guy in before the midterms like in case they lose and that baffles me i don't know why it takes so long i would have figured they just get another judge in as a lame duck session but yeah like if all this stuff if he perjured himself with all this why did they lead with all the sexual assault stuff like you see your story for the ratings

i would think like they were i think they were trying to railroad him on the sexual assault stuff and who knows if all this perjury stuff is true then they wouldn't have even had to do that like i don't all this perjury stuff you're talking about i'm not educated enough on that to even comment you you're probably right you might be right like i'm just saying from the sexual assault perspective like think of just like what what he just said think about it on shoes on the other foot like it's really really dangerous to just allow an unfounded allegation with zero evidence in fact a lot of evidence to the contrary to destroy you know someone in a prominent prominent position like you you got to have evidence that's a really dangerous step to take yeah that i mean i it is but also

i i do agree it's a dangerous step to take, but also all these guys who are like, well, what if I get accused of sexual assault that happens to every single guy that ever existed? And like, no, it's such a small percentage. It's 5%. 5% of sexual assault allegations are false. And that's just the reported ones. 5% are proven false.

No, no, no. There was a study that showed between 8 and 41. There's a lot of different numbers. There are dozens of studies that put it closer to 5%. My cop buddies tell me every time they go to a sexual assault investigation, they figure

50-50. I don't know if that anecdotal evidence really convinces me, aside from these actual intellectual studies. It's so hard to tell. It's one of the lesser fraudulent crimes. Car theft is 25%. But see, that's the difference.

It's easier to prove them when there's a tangible thing. So often, harassment or rape cases are he said, she said. And so you really can't nail down which ones are 100% true, 100% false. As shitty as that is, that's kind of the reality. I heard this. So I heard between 2% and 8% false, right? So that ties in with Steve's 5, roughly. But I also heard up to 40 unverifiable and that's

a really big that's what i was thinking of like of like it's just the kind of crime that happens with privacy and no proof a lot you know three days later and it becomes your word against mine right my semen has long since dried out of her pubes and and you can't run the test on it hey well yeah because you don't finish coming see i just don't like the callback but just like you hate steve the people who are like this happens to every man and they're being ridiculous i really dislike the people being like hey if you don't accept all this you hate women you hate all women if you do this it's like no like i was one who was against more i thought it was pretty a lot of very verifiable evidence like i was a fucking creep and i think kyle and

i were together on that one being like yeah i should not be a politician in alabama yeah roy moore is a fucking no there was nothing to bolster he asked those children's parents for permission to date them i don't know i'm okay with that i'm okay with that if you ask the parents and they're okay with it, then look, it's legal. It's creepy, but it's legal. But when he was being asked to not come back to the mall because he's hitting on the underage girls,

that's so absurd. I'm actually not okay with even the parents thing. I hear your argument. Land of the Free, maybe whatever, but if a kid is young enough that you have to ask their parents to date them i want to say 16 but i 12 whatever i think there was one or two that were 15 and he like signed yearbooks when he was a fucking adult i just think in

general even if you've never touched a kid if you are an adult who does not work at a school that signs a teenager's yearbook you should be touched a kid if you are an adult who does not work at a school that signs a teenager's yearbook you should be investigating what happens if someone brought their yearbook to your merch line I have signed many a yearbook god damn it they bring them I don't know what else to do I don't want to offend them

next year bring your 10th grade one if someone brought a yearbook to my merch line I would sign it in a very, like, this is creepy as shit, please don't bring yearbooks to my merch line. Steve Hofstetter. But I am not a rapist. Very few rapists say I'm not a rapist. Yeah, that's true.

You can't lie if you're a cop. I do agree with the idea of, like, the default is to believe to believe like my default is to believe a story but my default also isn't to castigate a person who's being accused the idea that it's black and white is ridiculous like you can believe someone and then also be like well let's walk down this line and find out what happened like you but there are guys who are just like all women are liars and i'm like you probably raped somebody. You listen to both witnesses and see who seems more credible, and that's where you start. Yeah, and look, I was in a situation.

I saw it happen to a friend of mine who he was – we were playing at college campus. He made out with a girl who was, like, all over him. Like, everybody saw how much she was throwing at him to the point where it was almost like uncomfortable and uh he like you know what she like gave him a tour around camp as he made out where there are a ton of witnesses and she ended up she had a boyfriend and so then she said that he had raped her and that's how it happened now i only found out about this months after the investigation was closed because he didn't even know that there was an investigation uh they basically launched an investigation they

talked to a bunch of witnesses they found out she was completely lying there were people who could corroborate him being with her the entire time in public it was only 15 minutes he was out of my eyesight and yet even though he was completely acquitted he also was banned from campus and couldn't go do a gig on that campus again which was terrible and i understand that there is a lot of bullshit out there i'm not sitting here being like there's no bullshit but i do think it's ridiculous that there are all that there are all these guys who are just like everybody's being accused all women are liars and i'm, I think you may have touched someone inappropriately. Like, for you to have that visceral reaction to it, like, there's got to be a reason for that.

I mean, I grabbed a girl's butt in high school in the 10th grade. I just don't think that makes you a sexual predator. It does disqualify you for sexual court, for Supreme Court. Sexual court? No, it actually qualifies him for sexual court. uh sexual court for supreme court sexual court no it actually qualifies him for sexual court court is in session the honorable kyle i mean it was really bad so you got instead of a gavel you got like a tassel how come your rope has no front there's also it's also a distinct to me though that there are people who the same people who are like you know who are like look

just because we want to prevent rape doesn't mean we should throw out these you know we should throw these five percent of guys into this and like that's too many that's too you know just one is too many and i'm like they're also the same people that are like bomb all the brown people crack some eggs you know it's it's amazing to see the i don't understand crack some eggs a crack to make an omelet okay okay the phrase crack you gotta crack some eggs to make an omelet basically means like you have to destroy something it's like a it's like a machiavellian took a second to put it together i know the phrase now i uh i just like why are brown people eggs yeah also it's the same people who are like due due process, due process. We need due process.

Lock her up. Now, that's true. That's true as fuck. When we say lock her up, what we mean is investigate her thoroughly. Yeah. Investigate her thoroughly under a jury of her peers. And then if she is to be found guilty after a three years of investigation, then perhaps we should think about locking her up. Hey, that's not going to fit in a tweet.

That chant doesn't roll off the tongue very well. She testified in front of Congress under oath, under threat of perjury, for 12 hours. We need to ask some new questions. I would like Trump to do that about Russia.

On TV. Well, he won the election. The voters have spoken. I have another AMA question here. Go ahead. We love our patrons. If you would like to send us an AMA question, it's part of the $10 Patreon package. There is a link down below

from which you can subscribe and then offer your questions. This one's for me. Are there any good TV shows that you're watching right now, Kyle? Yes. Yes, there are. I got into a Viking kick first, and I shouldn't have done this. I watched Norseman on Netflix. Now, that is a bit of a comedic take on the Vikings and everything they do.

It's very funny, but it's tongue-in-cheek funny. It's not goofy funny. I mean, there's... They draw a really fine line. There's violence, rape, gore, and comedy. It's a really interesting take on... What do you mean, ass? It's a really interesting take on Viking

life. But before you watch it, watch Vikings. Vikings. Just plain old Vikings. I believe the History Channel made it and it tells the story of ragnar lothbrok who is who is um i've researched it a lot that it's hard to tell how much of a historical figure he actually was because the viking sagas were written like 100 200 years after the viking age but he is but he is spoken of in Frankish, which is what

the French are at that time. He's written of in their literature as well. And he was this Viking sea king who invaded England and France, and he was very, very famous. Now, he's also been

mythologized to some extent. You know, they'll tell stories about him slaying a dragon and shit like that or a serpent. But he was definitely a historical figure to some extent. The Viking show tells his story, and they fictionalized it, I'm sure, to a great extent. They filled in gaps, and they've moved historical happenings around. to great extent. They filled in gaps, and they've moved historical happenings around. There was a battle that actually happened in France, where the French had a big army, bigger than the Viking army, but they split it in two and put it on either side of the Seine, I think that's how you pronounce it, river, that leads to Paris. Paris was on an island at the time, and surrounded by

walls, so they split their army and put them on either side of the river. And the Vikings were just like, let's go on the right side where there's fewer people and kill them. And so the bigger army on the left side just has to watch while the Vikings slaughter all of these people. And this actually happened. But in the TV show, they tell it as a British war. It happens in England. And they do the exact same thing. And the bigger army

has to watch from the other side while they're just massacring the other side. It's really fucking good. The guy that plays Ragnar is so likable and charismatic and funny. Is the one we watched like a year or two ago? Maybe they have a new season?

We spoke about it a couple years ago. I didn't watch it. I think there's only one season out, right? No, there's five. We were happy about how quickly it moved. I'm thinking of Last Kingdom. Last Kingdom. You're thinking of Last Kingdom.

Now, this is the order you need to watch these things. You want to watch Vikings, then Norsemen, and then Last Kingdom if you haven't seen them. Because their timelines, such as they are, fold together in that order. But by the time you get to Last Kingdom, the Vikings have settlements in Northumbria, which is the northern part of England. But in Vikings, when it's first beginning, they haven't even discovered England yet. Ragnar is like the first guy to dare to sail west instead of east

to the Germanic places. They go into detail. They show his makeshift navigation device which uses the sun to tell if you veer too far north or south. It's not a compass. It's a sun dial of sorts. It's really good. I really

enjoyed Vikings. The only thing that would make it... If Game of Thrones is like a 9 out of sorts. It's really good. I really enjoyed Vikings. The only thing that would make it... If Game of Thrones is like a 9 out of 10, I would say Vikings is like a really strong 7. And the thing that would totally make it an 8 is if there was nudity. Because there are some smoking hot Viking bitches in this show.

They are so fucking hot. There's this 5 foot 11 Nordic beauty who plays his queen by the second or third season. And every time she's on screen, you're just captivated. Vikings is very good. Norseman is very good. I'm excited. So I've watched both seasons of Norseman.

It's hilarious. And the comedy in it, like, okay, I might be mixing scenes, but farmers kind of rebel against the Vikings. The Vikings are taking a little protection money type toll on them, and they don't like it anymore. So it's easily put down, and they hit the farmer, and the guy's like, oh, yeah, my solar plexus. Oh, that really hurts. It's really painful to be hit the solar places and you're just like the fuck like what's happening here and the and the soldiers are like you know i really think you've underestimated what it takes to be a warrior if you thought you could go from farmer

to warrior in just one day my profession is important to me and yeah they're like they're like like like the first thing the farmers do is like fire arrows the vikings and the vikings fight in a shield wall it's a commonality you see throughout all the series i've mentioned it's a historical truth they they you know a wall of shields where almost like the similar to the phalanx and uh and they they the arrows start coming in one guy's hitting the chest and he goes down and everybody gets in the shield wall and the arrows are just bouncing off the shields and after the battle's over they're like they didn't even bother to put tips on the arrows. They're just flat.

Get up Dave! They just pull the arrow out of his clothes. One guy's like yeah that makes sense. I got hit a couple times but I just kept going. Another guy's like I thought Odin had blessed me. Yeah. I thought I was invincible. It's really like I wish there was another season of Norseman I could binge watch. I was invincible it's really like ah i wish there was another season

norseman i could binge watch it's coming by the way i looked this up and historically ragnar lodbrok the guy it's his father's or mother i don't know the last name was gandalf stutter that's pretty dope which is that's what happens what happens when Gandalf mates with Hofstetter. So, I'm just saying I might be the descendant of magic. You could change your name to Gandalf Stetter. With that red hair, you're definitely the descendant of a Viking. Oh, absolutely. I do a joke

about that. About how, like, uh, like, people always make fun of redheads, but it's because, you know, your grandfather teased redheads, and his grandfather teased redheads, and his grandfather grandfather's redheads because his grandfather got raped by a viking and ever since then the viking and like if people are mad at me i'm like that's just a joke about science that's all it is the vikings ripped a lot of people irish oh you know you know that that's how they happened yeah where they were like uh that silly like uh elizabeth warren thing

i'm not bringing this up to get a political thing just because I was thinking of a joke. Like her, like, oh, I'm the 1,024th Native American. I was thinking, if that's the way we're going to do this, we as white people are actually the most oppressed folks on earth. Reason being, we have Neanderthal DNA. Neanderthals, they're not even oppressed. They've been wiped out. Our people have been genocided by the maniac Homo sapiens

for too long. It is about time Neanderthals stand up, rise up together with our hairy fists and we say no more to these dirty Homo sapiens. By the way, I'm probably like one ten thousandth Neanderthal. Taylor's at least one-fifth.

I have an extraordinarily thick skull. Homer Simpson head. That is quite the breath. Well, I don't have that part, but I, you know. But yeah, we're super impressed, guys. It's about time we start a Neanderthal college fund. Neanderthal tax credits. Reparations would be nice. I think that's what the Proud Boys

do. The Proud Boys? I heard about them in the news. Still don't quite get what they are. I know that like they're Gavin McInnes' team. Yeah, they're a bunch they're that standard dog whistle of like, look, we're not a white supremacist group. We're just about white supremacy.

I saw a picture of their group, and there were like a couple Arab guys and like a black guy or two in there. Is that the actual picture of them or no? I don't think so. They're also, they, like, there was this report that they ran on Fox News about like Antifa brought a sword to fight with the Proud Boys. And the guy was holding it was holding it was Gavin McInnes. Like it was literally, it was what they did and then Fox News was like, this is Antifa and it's like, no, this is the Proud Boys.

I haven't heard anybody call it Antifa before I've heard Antifa and Antifa. My crazy Facebook friends talk about Antifa all the time. You would think that Antifa for them, I feel like is quicksand for me as a little kid. I thought this was a problem I would be dealing with all the time.

I needed to be able to identify quicksand and tell it from regular sand lest I fall in. The amount of movies that quicksand used to be in. Cartoons. And television shows. And not just cartoons, like tv shows also and the idea of like you know you learned like don't don't uh wiggle too much you have to slowly someone has to put in a rope and then you slowly lift yourself out like i was watching that go away i was watching blazing saddles with a girl the other night she'd never seen it and they got to the quicksand part and she's like you ever afraid of quicksand i'm like it doesn't exist i know it does it doesn't

exist yeah it does it does exist i've literally fallen in quicksand it's not jumanji quicksand because that's what scared me and it was jumanji remember or no maybe it was uh princess bride live it was no it was the live action jungle book where he's running through it's like decades old and the guy's like running from some animal and he falls in quicksand and like you see like his final gas is like like he gurgles up scared the shit out of him turns out no quicksand in the midwest so i'm safe yeah there's a there's quicksand at the beach someone died in wildwood new jersey i think i was just reading about it this year. And it happened to me. I was like, call me 17. And I'm walking home on the beach with my surfboard. This is something I did like every day and never had a problem, never thought twice of it.

And then one time I was walking and suddenly the next step I fell in waist deep sand. Totally shocked. But it wasn't a big deal. I had my surfboard there. So I put it down as a platform, Totally shocked. But it wasn't a big deal. I had my surfboard there, so I put it down as a platform, climbed out, and walked the rest of the way home. But I was a little shook by the whole situation because I fell in quicksand, something I didn't think happened to people. That's pretty scary. If you didn't have your board, do you think you would have been in deep trouble? Possibly.

Because it's not that deep, like actual quicksand, right? You wouldn't have gone all the way under. I stopped at the waist because I had my board there, and that's like as far as I fell. Like the board hit the ground, and it was like something you could grab onto. I don't know what scenario caused it. It was like a stormy day,

and the water went higher than it normally does. I have in my head that it got up to like looser sand or something and made it fluid like that. I'm reading through this through this by the way and this is like a really good point that the i'm reading this article about like how quicksand has kind of disappeared from movies right it's really interesting that like okay tying victims to railroad tracks used to be huge and then but all the while from the beginning, planting a bomb with a limited amount of time, that's still a thing. These are like the villain tropes that some of them come and go. And so, yeah, they're saying what they used to be, and it looks like it's just not common anymore.

So, Kyle, it is a thing. You know, it's just not common anymore. So it, like Kyle, it is a thing. No, I don't believe it. It says it's a colloid hydrogel consisting of fine granular materials such as sand, silt, or clay, and water. Quicksand forms in saturated loose sand when the sand is suddenly agitated. When water in the sand cannot escape, it creates a liquefied soil that loses strength and cannot support weight. Sounds like liberal propaganda to me. And it says here if excessive water flows through the sand, it forces the sand particle apart, which ties into my, it was a good wave day.

Like, it was better than average. And it was almost dark out, because it was good. I stayed until the end of the night. I surfed as long as I could. Apparently, there's a forum, there's like a whole web community of quicksand enthusiasts. What are they excited about i found a great spot yeah yeah took the kids like they need it they need a new president every year let's get too overconfident yeah i'm telling you i've got the technique down i'm gonna

call it the smith technique it's like no no he's dead what else is something you're afraid of as a kid that now oh i remember this i remember as a kid being uh watching this documentary or news program with my parents and it was about africanized honeybees oh and they were like now we all know the normal honeybee but do you know about the africanized honeybee and i was like no like well it's when these really scary uh bees mate with the normal bees and they make really agitated bees that make honey and and they were like and you want to avoid these because unlike regular bees they will seek you out and attack and they are and i remember they had an infographic that showed Africa. And the woman or man said, like, and they're coming to the U.S. And they expect to be here in the next three years.

And there was a big red what looked like a swarm, like the size of Greenland, moving across the ocean towards the United States. And I was like, oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm fucked. Like, we're not going to survive this Africanized not gonna survive this thing as a kid that's scary yeah they are called the bees and it was about that like a super aggressive swarm of killer bees moving across North America somehow they got super intelligent but that seemed reasonable to me it came out when I was five which means i was like seven or so when we were watching it on vhs or betamax or whatever the hell we were watching it

on and uh yeah i had a real fear and in there they would like not fight the bees but try to protect themselves you know they're putting clothes over the vents in the bathroom ceiling and across the under the door and i'm sitting here trying to think of how i'm going to survive this situation if the bees attack me too so the best movie the best movie was was from 1995 i remember when it came out they showed it on fox it was called the killer bee nightmare and it's it's about a town and a family that is invaded by killer bees and they end up like barricaded in their house trying to escape the killer bees and then they hear a hum from the attic they're in and there's parts of me where they're just terrible cgi or whatever it was back in the day they're just being destroyed by these killer bees i think the scariest thing was that black mirror episode which one with the oh the robot things yeah

which one the one with the bees i totally forgotten about that one i like black mirror oh that's that's one of my favorite shows nine out of ten episodes i like yeah it's really hit or miss i feel like it's either great or not at all yeah every now and then there's one where like like i didn't i didn't really like uh crocodile the one uh the one with the architect i don't want to give away i didn't really like Crocodile. The one with the architect. I don't want to give away what it was. I didn't like the one that had the fake dog. Yeah, that one was kind of weird and bleak.

I like the one where the soldier was essentially part of a unit. Don't bring it for people. He was essentially part of a unit that was wiping out vampire people. Yeah, that's a good one. I like the one where they exercised for credits and they tried to take a chance for a better life.

My favorite one is the Star Trek one. The USS Callister. That's a good one. That's a recent one. A lot of people fussed about that season. I think that with anything like it's true on youtube it's true on television it's the next season has to beat the previous one for

people to think it's as good as the previous one if you just keep going flatline they tire of you you have to sit there and step up your game and i think it was cool that one of their best episodes was in their most recent season yeah i'm a huge star trek fan so that one of their best episodes was in their most recent season. Yeah, I'm a huge Star Trek fan, so that one I really, really enjoyed. There were three episodes in that season. That one, Black Museum I thought was great. I liked that a lot too, yeah. And also Hang the DJ, which was the one

which was the dating app one. Oh, I like that one. I did. Yeah, the dating app one was crazy. What was the middle one you mentioned? Black Museum was the one where they was crazy you mentioned uh black museum was the one where they had the museum of death basically of like the museum for all killer stuff that's one of the ones where the twist in that one was one of the best ones they've had and and sometimes i don't follow the black mirror universe like it almost seems like they don't connect so when they

do connect i think that's neat yeah when they use like there are little easter eggs in each one um but that was one where they legit like had it all in the same universe which was really cool yeah yeah what do you chuck liddell is fighting soon tonight soon like no no no no no oh yeah yeah he's fighting tito and the oscar de la hoya he might be 48 to 50. How old is he? I'm going to look him up. All I got to say is Chuck looks He's 48. Chuck looks terrible.

Alright? I've watched Chuck training, like hitting the pads, and I can say with 100% certainty I am faster than Chuck. I am significantly faster than Chuck at throwing punches and kicks he looked so slow and so diminished from from from the head trauma i'm sure it's it's gonna be really sad when tito fucks him up he's gonna get he's gonna get knocked out he's gonna get swarmed

on he's gonna get wrestled to the ground and pounded out probably it's it's gonna be sad to watch yeah so i'm a chuck little fan he was probably my favorite fighter back in the day he was the guy that i liked the most and uh kyle's right i'm not gonna say i'm faster than him i'm probably slower i'm slow no no you're faster i telling you, these punches were like this fast. I've seen him. He looked really slow. He looks so much skinnier. He looks weaker than he used to.

He's 48, so you've got to expect a little decline there. And Tito, on the other hand, beat Chael Sonnen like two and a half years ago, ballparking. Last time I saw Titoo he looked like a professional fighter and when i saw chuck he looked let me show you chuck look bad here's here's a 20 second video let's queue at zero on this roger that and and i i would wager that i know i'm faster than this i i would wager that you are as well. I'm ready. Ready, set, play. That does seem slow. I wonder if we can get...

Is this the end of a workout, though, or the beginning? The cameras are rolling. This is what they upload. This is when you turn it on. He's playing a trick there. It's like a rope-a-dope, right? Yeah. You know, the next video is like sparring with UFC fighters gone wrong.

I always check them to see if I'm in one. Hey, are there people who can watch this live? It's a pay-per-view, the Chuck Liddell thing? No, no, no, no, no. PKA. No. No. Oh, because I just got a PKA tweet that said, it's funny, it says, never meet your heroes, kids.

I threw a beer bottle at Steve Hofstadter once and he was a total dick about it. Fuck legitimate rage. It's pretty funny. That is pretty good. That is pretty good. That is funny. Yeah, there was, in this sparring with UFC pros gone wrong,

I've seen myself in them before. So one time I rolled with Joe. He was like, I was a fan of his. And he's like, if you want to come up,

we'll do it. We went to Boston for PAX. And anyway, they made up this whole backstory about how I trash talked him and Joe handed my ass to me as a payback, which isn't how it went at all. No.

No. But yeah, so I've been in them now, and then every so often I look for me. Oh, I hope my commentary is played over it. In Russia, they were the chancellor. The format of it was mostly written and then they showed the video. And I forget. Yeah, your commentary was probably the best part of the video. It was really funny.

We'd have chainsaws with spikes. Yeah, you're like, this octagon's alright. But in Russia, we've got this. Yeah, that was cool. That was a fun little night. Joe's a nice guy. He is. I'm Facebook fun little night. Yeah. Joe's a nice guy. He is, right? I'm Facebook friends with him.

He keeps entering art competitions with his wife and posting them for Facebook to judge. Who can draw a better cartoon whale or cartoon lobster? Which Joe is this? Joe Lozon. He's a UFC fighter. And he's a friend of mine, a friend of the show. And yeah, I don't know. He's a friend of mine a friend of the show and uh yeah we i don't know he's a good guy so but

his facebook is not tough which is fun to me i i didn't know if you meant rogan and i was like his facebook is what no no joe's got uh he's got two kids and he draws pictures for him and stuff and they he competes with his wife to see who's better speaking of joe rogan canada legalized weed and it took one hour before the first issued ticket for toking while driving was issued in winnipeg one hour after they legalized it pretty great yeah i mean that's that's gonna be a natural thing just like the oh so oh, so I was just in Denver. And the conclusion that we came to was just because it's legal doesn't mean it's mandatory. It's the high city, I think. Jesus Christ.

It was, we couldn't go every, and I understand that being a clerk at a restaurant is not, I mean, it's a bit of a thankless job. It's tough. And I understand you can get high legally now everybody in the restaurant industry did anyway, but now we couldn't order anything at any place we went to. We went to whether it was like a CVS or like a pizza place or wherever we went, they were just people. What? Like we went to, we went to a Jimmy John's, we went to a Jimmy John's and we're and we're like hey you know one of us ordered a sandwich and then i ordered an unwich which is like a thing on their menu it's just it's a way to have it with like a lettuce wrap instead of a sandwich it's a it's one of the big things on their menu and then he just looked at me like

what's that and i'm like it's a it's a thing you guys have on your menu. Am I the first one to order it? And he goes, no. I'm like, so someone else has ordered this before? Yeah. Well, how do you – can I have one, please? Is this a possibility? Can I just jump back there and make it? However you made it for that guy, just do that all again for me. Like instead of Freaky Fast Delivery in Colorado, it's like Jimmy John's.

Chill out, man. It's coming. Yeah. It was everywhere I went. Just smoke weed. Yeah. It is going to be great when it's legal everywhere in the US. How bad is weed for driving? If you drive high, can you just bury it and be on high?

It varies person to person. And there's other factors. It varies person to person. There's other factors. It varies person to person and there's definitely other factors to consider. If you've been up all night the night before, if you're sleepy, you can just be tired and be impaired to drive. Sure, I've done that.

It's going to depend on the person and what they smoke and how much they smoke and how much they regularly smoke and all the other factors probably just not steve can you say it again i'm sorry i i don't know i don't know a ton about weed but isn't like sativa or indica like depending on the type of strain you have like one is kind of an upper one's kind of a downer yeah yeah if you're smoking an indica then you might you might be real fucked up and and getting groggy behind wheel. You're smoking a sativa, maybe not so much. Do they have that pretty figured out in the stores?

Yeah. That's one thing that concerns... So with alcohol, I can test to see how impaired you are. With pot, as far as I know, I could be off. I can really only test to see if you've been impaired in the last six weeks. Right? as far as I know, I could be off. I can really only test to see if you've been impaired in the last six weeks. Now, Australia has a mouth swab that's four hours. That's

pretty good. Four hours. How long does high last? Less than four hours. So you could be fine, but still test positive. You could, but that's excellent. That's so much better than anything else they're going to do,

and it's certainly not as invasive as blood. Yeah. Yeah, they got some cop. First time he's trying to stick a vein. They didn't teach us how to do this, but we got to make sure you're not high. They take you to a fucking hospital. Do they take you to a hospital? I thought they took you

to the police station. No, they take you to the hospital. But some cops are EMTs. Irrelevant. Well, I learned something then. So you're telling me what I saw on television is wrong? They were holding that guy down in a hospital.

Oh, this is random TV type stuff I'm talking about. The guy that they were forcibly drawing blood from, they were holding him down in a hospital. Yeah, there's also the question of do people who

enforce the laws know their own laws? Like there's... Yeah, there's... I've dealt with this a border crossing like you don't have to to to go to canada as an american to work there if you're not taking a job away from a canadian you don't need working papers um but now now i just like because like so like as a comedian if i'm doing a private event i do not need working papers because they're not going to hire someone else to do that event that's my event or they're not going to do the event so but to work at a comedy club i would but every time i go across the border i lie because i've run into it too many times where

they just didn't know their own laws or like some something like uh in la you used to if you have an ho if you have a hybrid you can park at meters for free i don't know if it's still true but you used to be able to you can park at meters for free. I don't know if it's still true, but you used to be able to. You can park at meters for free. And what would happen is cops would come and give you a ticket and then you could fight it and get out of it. But the cops don't fucking know that law. There's like a whole YouTube genre of policemen falsely telling you you can't record them.

You know, they're like, yeah, I'm a cop. I'm working right now. You can't take my picture. And they're like trying to wrestle away the camera and stuff like that and uh just as annoying are the sovereign citizens who are like like i am a sovereign citizen of the united states this car is my property i will not abide by the it's like some cops just like i want to go home it's not you're not a sovereign citizen i'm a sovereign citizen i am governed by maritime law right maritime law yeah i like ricky from trailer park boys when he he's like

it's like they arrested me for for for drinking and and driving like i but i live in my car what if i came in your house and and arrested you for having me drink like what what do you fucking drink judge don't you drink at home? He's like, God damn, you got me there. Dude, there's a scene where he wants to represent himself, and he decides that in order to have a fair trial,

he's got to let him curse and smoke. Smoke. Because he can't talk without cursing, and he can't think without smoking, and the judge is like, yeah, I guess so. So he just lights up in cursing and he can't think without smoking and the judge is like yeah i guess so so he just lights up in the courtroom and fucking defends himself against these cocksuckers and he wins he wins that drunk fucker there was doing this and that fat fucker over there was doing this your honor and by the end of it he's won and and like like he gets out of everything and cory and tre Trevor end up with community service.

And they're on oxygen because they've been drinking and inhaling so much gasoline because they were in a gas stealing business. Trailer Park Boys is good, but it was extra good for me because Kyle set it up. You did it.

I wish everyone could have the experience. It should be a Patreon level where Kyle just is like, all right, tonight we'll be watching bees. Here's what you need to know about it going into it, and he'll make the show better for you. That's a personal Patreon level of $250, and you and I will have a Skype call,

and we'll watch a movie of your choice. I like, I mean, I know how to watch Vikings now. Yeah. I know which order there you go yeah alright let's probably wrap there eh are there any post rolls

no no just remember Dollar Shave Club Lending Club Casper Mattresses and YouTube Music Steve what kind of links would you like in the description pimping something here and there uh yeah I got some stuff coming up uh I am touring Florida I have shows in Tampa Miami and Boca Raton What would you like in the description? Pimping something here and there? Yeah, I got some stuff coming up. I am touring Florida.

I have shows in Tampa, Miami, and Boca Raton. And then I'm going over to Australia and New Zealand. And I'm doing a six-city little mini tour there. And also hitting Ventura, California this Sunday. These are all nice places to go. Is this a boondoggle disgu like disguised as a business trip? I mean, that's the good thing about being able to sell tickets now. Like now that I'm able to draw, I just go where I want pretty much.

So, and I want to go to those places. That explains why you were in St. Louis not long ago. I have, my best friend lives in St. Louis, so it's nice to visit. Also, you know, I wanted to do the people, I want to do something to cheer the people up yeah you know they live in st louis it is sad yeah they've all lost loved ones due to hammer murders yeah also it can't break a car window but it can't break a skull also uh for people i i gave a bunch of tickets to comedy juice to people last time and so uh i will continue to do that and we're actually doing Comedy Juice for the first time in Seattle this Sunday. So we're doing, we have Seattle. It's Seattle, New York, and LA, and Irvine right now.

So if anybody wants any of those tickets, go to, just email me, fans at stevehoffcenter.com and say, hey, I saw you on PK. Can I get tickets to those shows? And don't ask me for free tickets to my other shows because that's not the sentence I said, which is what happened last time. Be like, hey, I heard you were giving out free tickets to all of your shows for everybody.

No, that's not what you heard. So, but yeah, and I will do... Comedy Juice in Seattle, is that what you said? Comedy Juice in Seattle. And I still have a PKA discount, though, for a lot of my road shows. It's not all of them. It depends on the venue. But for a lot of them, I will still honor that.

So hit me up with an email and come out to a show. Very cool. PKA 409.