Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #416

Episode Date: December 14, 2018

On this week's PKA, everyone's favorite controversial angry man, Dick Masterson is back! And all of them watch many... MANY women in the hood being hit by random vehicles in the streets, then they watch a little "Pathetic Meal Time" and discuss that streaming venture from one of our biggest fans and then everyone has a roundtable giggle watching Brett Farve get tricked into saying some anti-Semitic things for money. We hope you enjoy it all haha!

Painkiller Ready, episode 416 with our guest Dick Masterson. Kyle? Few sponsors tonight. Goat, Stitch Fix, Movement Watches, Get Quip, and Monster Energy Espresso. We'll talk about those guys later on the show, of course. But yeah, I got plenty of fun topics tonight.

We got our old friend Dick Masterson back from his last appearance. I believe he was getting a little drunk with us. I think I died on that last appearance, guys. Yeah, he got the most drunk, right? He won the episode. Well, that's what I was trying to convince him. I ate the most chicken wings on the show, that's for sure.

You did eat the most chicken. Kyle was neck and neck with you with drinking, though. Kyle was, if you watched the last hour of that show, Dick definitely is the winner, as he often is on his show in here, but Kyle is a co-winner. You gave it your all that night, Kyle. I was proud of you. I did give it my all.

I ran out of liquor. You really mortgaged the next day. Oh, yeah. Just forget tomorrow. I think I drank the whole bottle. Well, you, like, going through that, we both had a whole bottle of Tito's, and at one point in the middle of the episode, you had pulled so far ahead of me, you had finished, gone and grabbed half of another bottle, and I was still so drunk that I then began comparing my bottle to the second of yours and thinking that I'd caught up until I rewatched it.

I was like, he went and got another bottle! You don't even know this, you fucking loser. Hell yeah. I finished almost that whole bottle of vodka. You fucking loser. Hell yeah. I finished almost that whole bottle of vodka. Alcoholism's in my blood. You can't compete with me. You guys are so good. Three episodes, three drinking episodes ago,

at PK Santa's, that's like three years ago, I won. People didn't know it, but I was the most drunk. I was the guy on the floor thanking that the tile was so cold. Since then, I just haven't been proud of my showings. I've lost a step. I'm picturing a back-in-time party Woody with a mullet

rocking out, ripped off sleeves, drinking like an animal. Oh, that was three years ago. That's one where you're like, I'm out of booze. Well, we have a really old, warm, white wine. Yeah, that was three years ago. Oh, huh. That's the one where you're like, I'm out of booze. Well, we have a really old, warm, white wine. Yeah, it was red wine. Yeah.

A red wine. Just tip it back. I was like, wait, are you drinking white wine warm? You're like, how else do you drink it? I don't know. I don't know. It's like you guys have said, like, I forget if it was Kyle who was telling me, but someone was like, you know, go to the bar, step one, couple shots. After that, they taste

good. It's an investment. Well, I was well invested by the time I broke out that wine from a quip sponsor from 2016. everything was tasting good at that point. I think after that episode, right as it was ending, Kyle and I got drunk, but not destroyed like you

did. And I was like, Kyle, want to play Company of Heroes or some shit like that? And then we're sitting playing after the recording and we, of course, are in a group text with Woody and we keep getting these texts like, I'm dying! You guys played video games after that recording?

Oh my god! You guys get 10 points for drinking and style and video games. After that recording? Yeah. Oh, my God. You guys get 10 points for drinking and style and video games. After that recording, I played the video game of piss all over the bathroom floor and make my girlfriend

clean it up. That was the morning. I scored one out of one. They're talking about a few episodes ago, though, not the one you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we made a horrible...

The last episode was Chip A Tooth in my sleep from grinding. Forgot to put in his bit. Taylor... That was rough. Taylor, with great power comes great responsibility, and you have a powerful jawline.

You have the... Powerful jaw in the world. My dentist told me. He didn't say that, but I assume he would if I asked. Oh, okay. Yeah. Fuck that, man. You can get a gold tooth now. That's awesome. Just knock the whole thing out.

Or get like a pirate tooth. A gold tooth or a silver tooth or just like an eight ball looking tooth. That'd be cool. Like a Russian mafia guy. Why is the eight ball so cool? Why are we all in love with the eight ball? Well, it looks cool. I could shake Why is the 8-Ball so cool? Why are we all in love with the 8-Ball?

Well, it looks cool. I could shake my head and then it would reveal an answer and the question would always be, should I murder this guy? And it always has yes. That's my Russian gangster plan. Yeah, so we're actually due for another drinking episode.

As much to Woody's chagrin. Oh, fuck, we do it right now, baby. I got a fucking handle in the refrigerator. We can go. We can go hard. I've got beer. I could grab a beer. Look at Woody's face. Woody just tried to replace our faces with our hands.

You throw the gauntlet down, and I'll You know what I think? I think you two should drink. I'll grab a beer in a bit uh so dick i was of course i follow you on twitter your twitter is hilarious by the way thank you uh and i saw you were promoting uh winners drink and you like it's almost like you read a problem that i think everyone who's ever done a drinking game before has thought of where you're like wait i'm winning this drinking and I'm not drinking like I'm providing Are always getting the drink why the fuck do the losers get to drink the winners should be drinking so based on that and

Based on how much I hate cards against the humanity which I think is socialized fun Every every time somebody breaks out cards against the humanity, I feel like I'm at a work function. I feel like I'm bowling at work and pretending to be funny without actually being funny. I tried to make a card game that would

actually be funny for guys to play. That would make your girlfriend not want to play it. That's what kind of card game it is. It's a pack of cards, you take it to the bar, you pull a card, you do the card, and whoever wins gets to drink. That's the rules of the game. What would be an example of a card?

You said you do the card. Yeah, go hit on a girl with a pickup line decided by the group. And if you puss out, somebody else gets to do what's on. If you say no because you're a pussy, then you don't get to drink and somebody else can grab the card and they get to go do it. It's the kind of shit that like I've been. I have been shit faced, kicked out of bars, got into altercations with people, and embarrassed myself in front of women my entire life. I tried to put it in a card game. Getting pretty good reception.

I saw you sold out real quick. It hasn't even, it just got printed. I think it's somewhere between Chicago and China right now. I haven't seen the finished product yet, but I'm really excited about it. Dude, you're making bank on this, aren't you? I'm excited for you. It's good. It's a good month. It's a good

Christmas for me. Nice. I'm really going to have to come up with reasons why everyone got shitty presents this year. Everyone gets a card game. Everyone gets the card game this year. Like Scrooge, I'm going to give them all signed copies of the card game. Your own

shows t-shirts and a card game with a hot goss sticker. Thank you, Kyle. It's just a bunch of shit they don't want. How many games did you sell? Like 20,000, 100,000? No, I ordered 1,000. Okay. Because if I sell out 1,000, then it will have sold more books than Maddox's last book. I'll have sold

more of Winner's Drink than Maddox's last book, which failed. I love you, man. I'll buy it. I'll buy it. That killed me. I bought a thousand. I bought a thousand and I gave them

to all the huge supporters on Patreon, the guys who've been there, the guys at the top tier. I wanted to do that for Christmas, and then it kind of turned into this whole big project that I said, what the fuck, I'll get a ton of them and sell them. Well, that's awesome. Well, I'm happy for you.

Every so often we have a guest who's got something cooking that's just a big deal, and I'm happy for you. Me too. I know you're both in the patron box. What's the stupid thing maybe that you blow money on? Like home gym stuff, video games, electronics. What's your dumb thing that you spend way too much on? Oh my god.

I guess bitcoins is probably the worst thing. Can we talk about bitcoin for a second? here's the thing i i am in the world of finance i'm a bigger asshole than neil tyson degrass right and the reason is this wait okay neil tyson neil tyson degrass oh ntt what's his real name somebody help me it's neil tyson the grab ass i stand corrected all right all right so the thing is this he has this idea that most people in the world are not scientifically literate right we're all familiar with whether you're literate or not you can read but whether you're not you know basic science is like a lot of people don't he probably called me scientifically illiterate you know there's just too much i don't know about the basics of this and that.

And he can be a bit of a pompous ass when he looks at movies and says, you know what? Icicles would never stack that high. They just have not enough density for strength. The maximum height of an icicle is 100 feet. Whatever the fuck he would say. And it's like, oh, yeah, thanks for ruining the movie for me that you're so smart.

I have that inside me on finance, right? So I have two undergrad degrees. One is this business computer thing and the other is accounting. And my observation is that it seems like most of the world is financially illiterate. So when I hear these guys claim with wicked confidence that the stock market is about to do this or that bitcoin is about to do that bitcoin's going to 100 grand i guarantee it

like you are just making shit up but you're so confident so it's not that i'm rooting for anyone to lose money quite the opposite it's just that i feel like the guys who acted like i was stupid for thinking that 14 grand was high uh are getting like this is where i get my dessert for those of us who don't follow bitcoin what's it worth now like 3,500 3,500 yeah oh shit totally you're totally right my dad was a stockbroker my whole childhood. And that guy, he makes money with his money. So anytime I have any questions about money, I call him. When I was a teenager, he would ask me about tech stocks.

And every time I gave him my opinion, after a couple opinions of mine, he came up and said, hey, Dick, I'm never asking you for your opinion about tech stocks again because you're always fucking wrong. And that continues today. came up and said, hey, Dick, I'm never asking you for your opinion about tech stocks again because you're always fucking wrong. I'm like, yeah. And that continues today. I don't know how you guys do it, but I look at the market and I'm like, well, fuck, I guess I gotta buy now. And the next

week, I ask him and he goes, no. I'm like, well, how'd you know that next week? You know. Have you lost a good bit on Bitcoin? No no because i got in early but uh but yeah because i didn't get out at the peak so yeah it's stupid it's fucking stupid i did a stupid thing with bitcoins um it's hard this is bitcoin or stocks or whatever at the peak looks like the time to stay in enthusiasm is never higher than it is right before the crash.

Everyone is just, you know, like it's riding up. It's up. You've never thought you've been smarter financially because you've just had this gain. And the opposite is true at the bottom. At the bottom, it looks so ugly. You know, like our next recession or whatever, we'll be talking about horrible job numbers, some this time it's different kind of thing on why this recession is such a big deal.

And, uh, that's the time to buy, but it never feels like the right time to buy or sell. Yeah. I bet we have a recession in like a year. Like we're due. Do you give financial advice on the show?

What do you, cause fucking everybody could use some of that. I get, I get asked that and women questions more than anything. The thing I can't answer either. So I've given I've done some videos on financial advice that people have liked. But a lot of times the advice they want is timing. And that I don't give.

You know, I'll talk about the miracle of compounding. I'll talk about charge, you know, say, right. No, I just I just don't feel like I'll get it right. Like anyone who claims that they know how to time the market is probably one of those financial illiterates that I make fun of. Or a criminal. Or a criminal. Yeah, criminals may know something.

I used to be an insider trader. Not a legal one, but I... Yeah, when I worked in IT... Your whole podcast is going to be in prison. I was a... Hey,y to the financials. I have direct access to production databases. I have direct access to our ERP systems and could, in theory, look how the quarter's going to go

before we release results. Because of that, I wouldn't be allowed to trade in certain windows. I guess an insider... I don't know if I used that term right, but I was privy to insider information, so I couldn't trade anytime I wanted to. See, then you weren't insider trading. If you were like,

well, they told us this nonsense because we had information that we couldn't trade never stopped me like no no yeah just what i did was i just told my buddy i gave him a bunch of money and he invested for me then he paid me the dividends it's great that's not insider trading that's just a conspiracy the truth is it would have been a lot of work to put it together like one the erp system stretch around the world so you got to like consolidate it and two a lot of times it wasn't like done done until like right before results came out like they're still massaging it figuring out if they want to write something off or depreciate it slowly or whatever it is they're doing so i i don't know i never felt like i had

solid enough data to trade on anyway, even if it were illegal. You know the only thing I spend money on, Taylor, these days, is Mexicans putting concrete in my yard. Retaining walls, patios, decks. Oh, baby, I can't get enough. I'm on Pinterest all day looking at retaining wall porn at this point in my life. Like, oh, man, are those dead men's? How many you got in there? Like, oh, I need to see this deconstructed.

I need to see the DIY video of this thing, man. Concrete can be curiously expensive. How much? This is rude to ask. Are you spending deep into the five digits on this? Like, what do you? It's a lot, right? No, I'm not at that level yet.

But it is expensive. it is expensive because it's like you know two guys are i don't know 500 bucks a day and all the all the materials it adds up but it's it's not a lot cheaper than two girls yeah yeah if they get paid by the hour let's talk about that wage gap. Alright? Those two Mexican fellows, $500 a day? I'm paying $3,000 a day for two Colombian women. This is bullshit. They're performing different tasks, though.

I mean, they both have a kneecap. The Colombian women perform retaining walls. The concrete around my pool was almost $30,000 if I recall. Concrete can run up in price. Just the concrete around my pool was almost $30,000, if I recall. Like, it was... Concrete can run up in price. Yeah. Just the concrete around your pool was $30,000? Remember how many yards of concrete that was?

No, but it was a bundle. Like, we kept scope creeping it. Like, originally, we're like, yeah, you know, we should get a pool. It's not that expensive. And there'll be, like, a four-foot rim of concrete and, like, grass on the way from the house to the pool that you have to like get your feet dirt. And we're like, all right, no, I guess we don't want that. And the thing about concrete is it's not like you can do a little now and add some tomorrow and add some later because it's just not right. Like you do it right.

It'll look stupid. You do it right the first time. And that's just how it is. So we just kept expanding and expanding the like side. We're like, well, what if we want like, you we want lay down lawn chairs on both sides of the pool? We entertain all that much. So it just kept growing and growing. And in the end, it was a lot of expensive concrete.

But we like it. But it's just a lot of money. You can pretend to be the great Gatsby out there now. That's all that matters. You're assuming I'm more educated than I really am. Oh, it's probably a magician, maybe? Yep. Well, that was a conversation killer.

I just lost all you guys for a sec. Oh, okay. Yeah, I just didn't know the Great Gatsby story. Well, I just got some good news from a text. So as Dick doesn't know, but everybody listening knows. Yeah, house related. I've been buying a house, and I've put some offers in before on a few, and nothing's panned out.

Like the negotiation process, like they weren't being what I would say are good faith offers to my offers. So ditched those, found another one last week, and then put an initial offer yesterday or the day before, then had a couple back and forths yesterday and today, and just got a text from my agent that they accepted it. And so hopefully, barring the inspection, everything will be good to go. I mean, the inspection, anything can happen, and they might find, like, oh, the wiring's all fucked up, and I'll have to cut and run. But I'm pretty excited. So that's very neat. Congratulations.

Congratulations. So here's my question coming out of this. The first house. You have been really good about remembering that there's more fish in the sea, right? You didn't fall in love with a particular house and pay $30, than you wanted to or whatever like some people do but having done that where does this house stack rank amongst all the houses that you've wanted so far honestly like at the top yeah it was a layout that i really really like it's a ranch style house and so it's got like the high ceilings on the main level it's got like i like two-story

houses and like colonials and stuff too but i don't i don't like the lower ceilings and i don't like those like wasted rooms that i feel like i don't get any use out of whereas in a ranch you walk in very open i feel like even if you're not using like an open dining room it still makes the place feel bigger and happier and lighter and so i i really like it there's not a lot of work i have to put into it um there's a couple things i want to do for resale, but nothing huge. So I'm super psyched. I'm very excited to have gotten that text just now. Well, when you're ready to buy a lawnmower, you call me, and I'll set you right.

I will because now I need adult things. I need a lawnmower. I need a trampoline. Wait, wait. We've heard, of course, from the adults though. I need a razor scooter to coax all the children in the neighborhood to come play with me.

Gotta get a zip line. Oh, a zip line? Like a real asshole? Yeah. I'm super excited. It's gonna be a ton of fun. I'm already picking out all the weight room shit that I want. I think I'm gonna do a garage gym, because I don't mind parking in my driveway. I'm picking out all the weight room shit that I want. I think I'm going to do a garage gym because I don't mind parking in my driveway. I'm picking out TVs.

What you just said, Woody, where you were like, yeah, I want to have full, like 10 full recliners on both sides of the pool. And then you were thinking like, how many times have we had 10 people here all in need of reclining? Like I was looking at trying, because I want to get this like 85 inch Samsung TV. I was going to do the projector but then i was like ah no i want it to be more of a

social room because i want to be able to have everybody in there sitting around watching with the lights on playing pool or whatever else i buy for in there instead of like it having to be a a dark area so i'm i'm going for the tv instead of the projector someone messaged me on reddit and and told me that and i was like oh that that's one of those things that I wouldn't think about until the first time I wanted to turn the light on while I had the projector on, and I'd be like, fuck. Well, this was a huge waste of money.

So I'm picking that out, but oh, to your point about the recliner things, I was looking at sectionals, like big-ass sectionals to have in front of a TV, and I was like, man, I could fit 10, 11 people on that. And then I was like, man, I could fit 10, 11 people on that. And then I was like, when's the last time you had 11 people over? And I just pictured myself alone sitting in front of an 85-inch TV

in the middle of an 11-person sectional by myself. And it was just sad. It's paradise. That's paradise. Stay the fuck away from my house, everyone. I need some way to lay down at a 90 degree angle To make proper use of this thing I'm gonna stretch

My hands up too I like those I like those couches that are like Basically movie seats It's like You broke up I think it's a Skype thing If we talk at the same time taylor doesn't come through that's lame but it's a a couch you need to go two wide or

three wide or they probably go even bigger but it's like 1500 for a two wide which isn't that bad but it's got like lights and it's got like a whole like the cons yeah cup holder and like power outlets and it reclines electrically, and it looks really fucking cool. I've been looking at it for a while. Whenever I get the TV, that's coming along with it. It's cool. What's something when you guys bought your first house? I know I've asked Kyle and Woody, but I want Dick's perspective.

What's something that you didn't do that you wish you did or something that you did that you wish you didn't do? Just advice for a first-time guy like me. What's your rape dungeon situation like in this new place? Because that was a big priority for me. Yeah. I have plenty of room for dungeons. Okay, that's good. My AC didn't work, but that might be just a SoCal problem.

I wish I would have had a guy come out for $100 and looked at it and said, this is completely fucked and it's not even put together correctly. I wish I would have had a guy come out for a hundred bucks and looked at it and said, uh, this unit, this is completely fucked and it's not even put together correctly because the inspector who comes out is just trying to inspect the house to make sure it'll sell. And they're not actually looking for what fucks up for you. Um, I think that was about, that was the only thing that I regret on mine.

Let me try to think. I was... The best part about my house was discovering the... As I said, the rape dungeon. If you... I army crawled under the house to the other side of the house. And there's, like, this whole unused room behind the master bedroom. It has a slab.

It has 2x4s put all around it. Like, all I need to do is knock through the wall and put up some new drywall, and it's like a whole new room in there. Kyle, you're saying no. Get rid of the door. See, what you want is a room that has no doors. The only way to get into the room is via a hatch in the floor. You have to go down the hatch, crawl under the house, and up through another hatch. You're dead right.

Which is concealed, of course. You're going to want tile flooring there. You can make it so that you don't want it fingernail style where you pull the tile up that way. You need a special tool. I'm thinking the gym should be above the rape dungeon, right? Because there's more than one way to work out, for starters. Two, you might have a CrossFit situation. And two, you could easily cover the hatch with heavy things.

Dumbbells. And it'll scare your prisoner when the loud clang of the deadlift hits the top of their chamber. I really like this secret door. I should do a bookshelf or maybe a fake arcade game that you can crawl through and you gotta give a little noise to get in. I know someone. It would never work if I had one of those bookshelves that was a secret escape hatch because i fucking

guarantee the first thing that happened when i had people over is like yeah there's a kitchen he's living here come look at my secret my secret door through the bookshelves and everyone be like all right well we know where taylor is like if shit goes down like it wouldn't be it wouldn't be worthwhile i know someone who has a secret hatch all right i they um so you go in this person's house and there is like it looks like a broom closet like a like a cupboard it's a very it's a regular regular size door but it's a very shallow closet like we've probably all seen in a house somewhere you know it looks like it's good enough for a few cleaning supplies on racks and a broom or two no the back of that door the back of that little closet comes away and it leads downstairs into a gun room that's so cool it looks like it looks like in one of

those 80s arnold schwarzenegger movies when it's time for him to gear up to go take out the Colombian dictator. It looks like that, all right? You go down there, and it's a fucking – let's just say 150 rifles, 50 handguns. The body armor is hung onto mannequins. There's three sets of body armor for each individual that's in the home that's a fighting-age male, as the military calls them. Why would you need three sets? One for each fighting-age male. Oh, I misunderstood.

I got the impression there were nine total. And the body armor isn't just like body armor. It's the plate armor, right, that I've shown off in videos before and a bunch of people have or whatever. But it's got all the magazine carriers on it. And each one is set up for a different firearm rig. One of them has MP5 and Glock magazines all over it. Right next to it is the MP5. The other one is set up for an AR-15.

So it's got AR-15 magazines stuffed all over it. The AR-15 is So it's got AR-15 magazines stuffed all over it. The AR-15 is right there next to it. They're all three like that, ready to rock and fucking roll. If I had that, I'd have like a billboard outside my house that said, I'm out of town! Like, just something to try and get it

moving. Oh, the security system at that house is absurd. We were off-site one day. We were several miles away and his phone did a thing like like that sounded like an amber alert or something he's like uh-oh someone's breached the perimeter and i was like what he's like get back to the house boys and like like two guys hop in a truck and haul ass to his house because he's got he's got a lot of valuable things aside from the guns that aren't in a

dungeon or whatever and he's like i'm like what are they gonna do if they catch somebody there it won't go well for them and we just sit there for like 15 minutes and waiting to hear back if like a bunch of intruders just got mowed down back at the compound or whatever it turned out to be nothing yeah there's one less raccoon in this world. Yeah, right? It was something like that. But yeah, wouldn't want to try to invade that guy's little fiefdom over there. It's pretty legit.

I might be alone in this, but as you were describing just how ready he is for the next Chinese-Russian- Cambodian invasion or whatever. Home intruder. It started to feel a little like us right no no no we'll see he's a famous guy who has a lot of money and gets threats right like this is someone who is preparing for a known threat you know it's not like okay joe schmoe down the street has an arsenal

in his basement with a rocket launcher it's more like a guy who routinely gets threats from scary people who are like oh yeah i'm gonna come to your house and do x y and z is like all right well prepare for that possible eventuality i guess i have the money and it's kind of you know you've won me over you've won me i pictured a bit more as effective of a cheaper and as effective of a home defense technique i think would just be buying going to like a nordstrom rack and buying a bunch of those creepy ass old mannequins that they don't use anymore and then like do disturbing like eye scratches on them and then like all the pictures in your house near the entryway of course have like your own family you switch these out every

night it's a time-consuming process and it's got like your own family like with the eyes x'd out there's a there's like dolls with no heads sitting in corners and so if somebody bursts in and they see 10 you know oddly placed mannequins around and pictures of eyes scratched out and like something else random i don't know a bolo tie sitting around like they're not going to want to come in they're going to leave i wouldn't rob that place. Is this like the Home Alone defense system? Like the Michael Jordan running around on a train? This is the Home Alone defense system, but it's 100% a bluff. I know another guy. At no point will a can of paint swing down and get them.

It's just a spook. I know another guy who is 10 times more wealthy than the previous guy I talked about. Maybe more. He's famous amongst like the firearm community like if i if i said his name a lot of people would know but like you guys would have no fucking clue but um he owns some firearm companies plural and um in any case his home is first of all it's kind of in the middle of nowhere it's a it's it's a bitch to get to but once you're there there's literally this tower that comes up

in the middle of his house that's basically a sniper tower. I mean, it looks decorative. It doesn't look like something ridiculous. It doesn't look like Rambo. It's like glassed in, although the glass opens up. And I was like, ah, well, that's not overboard. I mean, shit, it looks nice, and I bet if you go up there and drink coffee in the morning, it's a pleasant thing to do. And then I find out that he has all of these diesel generators and all this fuel stored. And that in the basement, he's rigged it up so that he has these HEPA filters. That even if there's some sort of chemical attack outside, the air will be purified down there. And I'm like, well, what if you run out of filters?

He's like, oh. And he's got filters for days. These really expensive, massive HEPA filters. And he had massive supplies of ammunition. Not 10,000 rounds. 800,000 rounds. Like bushels of rounds. And not just AR-15 ammunition or AK-47 ammunition.

50 caliber ammunition. And not the regular kind like the fancy kind that that's uh like like ralph was preparing for anything i don't he told me what he's preparing for but i won't go into it he's got he's got the the crazy like um i'm trying to think what they're fucking called i i had three of them and i was proud of myself and he had thousands uh but it's it. But it's like carbide or something. The tip is sharp like a needle on this.50 caliber round

and it's meant to pierce things. It'll pierce through like a large amount of hardened plate armor. You need reactive tank armor to stop one of these bullets effectively and he's not shooting them one at a time. You're probably picturing a guy with a bolt action .50 cal. No! This is a guy with a bolt-action.50 cal.

No, this is a guy with many.50 caliber machine guns, and they're not all just sitting in a closet like, okay, what are you going to do, put your.50 caliber machine guns slowly together while they come at you? No, he's got one mounted on a tank. He's got one mounted on an armored personnel carrier. He's got them mounted on tripods that are easily put into place. It was a realization that this isn't the only guy out there like this This is this is there's a lot of these guys out there and and they are such you know

Waco was they had nothing like what this guy's got they had that show That I was really looking forward to but this I want to see like a lifestyle of the rich and famous but like lifestyles of the rich and deranged or the paranoid and armed because that's fucking awesome like that's better than shark week i've been i've had the same conversation with some of the guys like i i worked with the doomsday preppers people at a and e and did some work for them and i also worked with another show that's similar to Doomsday Preppers, but more of a ghetto version. And the issue that both shows had was the legit people, like the people like you're

talking about, like the people that I'm describing here. There's a reason I'm not using their names. They wouldn't appreciate that. And it wouldn't be cool of me to say their names or give their locations in the world. These are people who they're not doing anything illegal. Everything they have is 100% on the up and up. But they don't want people knowing that they've had millions of dollars worth of stuff sitting around.

They don't want it to be a known thing where things are, layouts and such like that. That's the worst part, because part of being secure when the shit really hits the fan is hiding it. Anonymity. Here's where the secret door is to my bunker.

Right. That doesn't work. Yeah, exactly. It would be an easy show, though. I would enjoy it. Oh, if they did some sort of... With all those preppers, like, I feel like there's a critical mass

where it's just useless. Like, you can't... Unless he has a militia of people with him who can operate those other weapons, it's like he's going to be like a kid in a candy store when the military finally does show up he's not gonna know what to use he essentially does have a militia i actually that guy's part of a militia i remember that okay that's pretty dope yeah that's awesome well his employees are all all seem to be knowledgeable and most of them are ex-military um and i don't mean he has three employees i mean he has hundreds of employees

and stuff like that and like I met a lot of these guys at the Knob Creek machine gun shoot in Kentucky and militia's not a dirty word there I feel like at large it has kind of become a dirty word because it gets mixed in with a lot of that Charlottesville white supremacist tiki torching

asshole shit but that's not the case generally speaking right? There are some guys who take the constitution very punching asshole shit but that's not the case generally speaking right it's it's it's there are some guys who take the constitution very seriously and they're fulfilling a militia role and and they're and oftentimes they're in really remote isolated communities where if something did happen a militia might be your last resort you know the same way that in certain areas like you called if you call 9-1-1 they're like all right see you in half an hour. So it's smart to be armed yourself. I have a much smaller sample size with regards to talking and knowing militia members compared to you, I would guess.

But the people I see who are into this in a big way, like their hobby and passion is the apocalypse, are almost wishing they lived in a different world like whatever set of skills and circumstances they have in real life they're not thriving right they're just like oh man you know but as soon as zombies hit i'm gonna move from this trailer to that guy's house and i'm gonna be uh who's the the not rick rhymes but the guy he fought against for two years, the governor. Nope. Neat. Negan.

I'm going to be Negan. As soon as the apocalypse hits, right? I've got all the guns. I'll have all the, the henchmen. And, and it's like, dude,

stop it. You're not preparing for anything. You're dreaming. You want to prepare for something? Go get a fucking accounting bachelor's degree You'll improve your real life Yeah for sure That's not as exciting

I feel that I do wish that the happening would finally happen I know a lot of my guy friends Who are exactly the guys you're talking about Woody I know that they'll say We'll get drunk and somebody will go a little too far And say something like that And you're like ah you said it this time you fucked up this time and let everyone

know that life is soul-sucking depression because we have no value in real life you're crushing it you've got a card game and i taylor says your patreon is awesome but we need we need more We're designed for more Do you have a real job Dick Or is this your job Well I mean real job I got a square job I got people that I don't tell when I'm on shows like this Yeah see there will be a point I think you're very good at this

There will be a point where Your regular job becomes A waste of your time and talents And you're like, you know what? Fuck that guy. I'm going to spend all my time telling dick jokes on the internet. And then you'll have no reason for a militia. You will want real life.

It's better. I agree with you. The older I get, that call of the wild is less. I founded a marketing company years ago that i still run with my partners who was part of the lawsuit like they they got sued along with me for online comedy stuff i love i love that job it was fulfilling before all the comedy stuff but i agree with you i'm just saying i want a holiday for men where we can where everyone will participate in our shared delusion that the world is under attack and they need us

to play out. We'll call it the purge. Yes, but no one has to get hurt. It's just a Halloween for men. That's all. To get all this Christmas shit out of our system. This would be great. This is what International Men's Day should be. Women have to stay indoors

and we get a whole day to go play out our our archaic fantasies of fighting with each other in the street for that day everything's legal the police take a day off so i guess it'll be like most days in st louis where you just start fights in the middle of the street nothing happens yeah that like i do think you're onto something there not even in a jokey way. People do want more. There is something primal that they kind of, you know, well, obviously these people fetishize end times to a great deal.

But most people, I think, everybody's fantasized about that, how they would do it, like the exciting aspects of it. Oh, I'm on the opposite side. I think of how much it would suck. I feel very vulnerable out here in the middle of my grass. I don't have much cover.

I was out flying my paramotor today. Look at that rich motherfucker over there. An Osprey went by and a military Blackhawk went by and I'm like either one of those would just fuck up my whole situation. I don't want a single hole in my roof, let alone

losing one of the sunrooms or something. The apocalypse, the end times, the Chinese invasion or Russian invasion from my childhood. None of these things would work out well for me. What I have is better than any of these horrific stories.

As a kid, you never thought about Red Dollar? Oh, as a kid, yeah. The scenarios that a lot of these guys lay out as potential doomsday type scenarios are not necessarily that it's the doomsday where nothing will ever recover, but that this is a scary time that I'm preparing for are things like a biological outbreak,

something like that, or some sort of financial attack, some sort of electronic financial attack, like making the dollar worthless suddenly. So much wasted time and effort if money's suddenly worthless. Or if the electrical grids all went out for, say, a month,

right, and all the food in the grocery store goes, first of all, there'd be a run on food. We all know that if there's ever a blizzard, blizzard in air quotes, because like three inches in the south is a blizzard, then like there's a run on bread and milk like everybody's making french toast apparently because there's just it's all fucking gone and all the canned goods it's like they're getting enough food for a month and suddenly there's not a lot of food left in the in the world you need those

trucks to be able to make it down the interstate and get it to you well there's no electricity for to run the diesel pumps at the fucking gas station. All of a sudden, those trucks aren't showing up with food. If there's no electricity to keep all the food cold at Walmart, well, then it all rots, all of the perishable goods. If all of the security guards and employees are protecting their families back at home

because we've seen what happens in the Katrina situation, right? When all of a sudden there is no rule of law, there's a disaster. There's roaming street gangs and stuff running around raping it up and looting televisions and shit. So in that type of scenario...

Put yourself in the looting mindset. It's all going haywire and you're out there in the mix of it. And I know what I would do. I'd be like, you know what? I'm not going to be the only one the looting mindset. It's all going haywire, and you're out there in the mix of it. And I know what I would do. I'd be like, you know what? I'm not going to be the only one not looting. That's embarrassing. And so I'm going to loot too.

Where are you going to loot? Pornography. Everyone's going to run out of all their other items, but what are you going to do, draw your own pornography? You've got to come to old Dickie Boy. I've got all the magazines in town. You've got the stickiest magazines in town. Gobbled them all up.

Can I tell a pornography story? No. Oh, my mistake. I'm like 10 years old or something. And I discover my father's massive cache of pornography. And they threw it away. And I discover my father's massive cache of pornography, right? And they threw it away. He had Playboy magazines that I'll describe as like 30 inches tall, right?

That's how many Playboys he had. And all right, fine. I get them. I pick off like half a dozen that are now mine, right? The rest we let them get thrown away and now they're mine. And I think my friend or so, I had some older friends who were like 14 or something and I'm maybe 10. And he eventually asked me, what do you do with the pornography? Right?

I'm a long way from coming at this point. I'm 10, so I'm a good like six years away. So he describes to me what he does with pornography. And it fucks up my head for an awful long time before I realize he's not really doing it right either. Because he would roll up the magazine into a cylinder and use that and put his dick in it and jerk off. He's not even seeing the magazine at this point. He's just turning it into some sort of vagina that doesn't work very well this is i want this guy on the show i thought your story is a serial killer now this guy is still to this day like like he can't look at a cosmo without

getting hard he's like i just want to roll you up and oh yeah Oh, that's good binding. And like, I don't know. I'm like 15 or so. And it's like, but doesn't he get paper cuts? Like, it seems like he's doing this wrong. And you want only glossy for me, Mr. Woody. Only glossy for me. Did you call him and tell him that he was doing it wrong when you figured it out? No, i moved from

like one part of new jersey to another we weren't friends anymore once he figured out the right way i wonder if i can find him on facebook i do know his name i was going through some of my dad's playboys with my friends at about the same age and uh one of my friends turned to us and said yeah you know but that's not how nipples work. That's not how nipples look. Like he was the only one who had gotten any action of us at that age. And he said, yeah, but that's not how they look. And we found out we found out like 10 years later that his girlfriend at the time had inverted nipples.

So he thought that all of these. Yeah. Where he thought they were all photoshopped or were i guess airbrushed at the time to look like that i found a stumped us for years like why did he say that man she pulled off quite a hoax where she pulled off she took her top off for the first time and he didn't say anything and she was like in the clear like this is normal. I found a pornographic VHS tape in a junkyard, like behind the seat of a pickup truck. Like my dad would go to the junkyard regularly. Like he liked to fix up cars.

So we'd be there looking at like old crash classic cars and stuff. And I, as like a 10-year-old fucking like, would go around and steal the change out of them. I figured it's a wrecked car in a junkyard. They didn't just get trucked in today. They've been sitting out there for a month. So I'm on the lookout for quarters, right? And I like to go through... It's fun to go through the consoles of these cars

and see what's in there. Because if there was a crash, a lot of times the car just gets hauled off and auctioned away. The person doesn't spend time looking at them. Sure, I've been in that situation and never saw the car just gets hauled off and auctioned away like there's no the person doesn't spend time like sure i've been in that situation never saw the car again sometimes there's blood which like kind of it sounds a little fucked up but it's like oh look at this something bad happened in this one sometimes if it was a fat guy driving and he gets rear-ended if you think about the physics involved he's driven backwards by that by that rear impact

and so the seat would get bent backwards in a really weird way you could always tell the fat guy got rear-ended ah look you can tell you can tell and anyway i'm going through this chevrolet pickup truck and i look behind the seat and there's a vhs tape give me head and i i don't even know what i don't know what head means so i read it as heed like give me heed so you didn't even read the word right no no i didn't but there is no h-e-a-d that's pronounced heed no i know there's not no i thought i found it i thought i discovered the first one but like give me a head. It just didn't compute. What could that even mean?

And so I had it. And I took it home and popped that bad boy in. And I had that thing for years. Years I had that thing stowed away. I don't even remember where I used to keep it. Oh, I think I kept it in the sleeve of something else. Like way in the back of where I kept my normal VHS tapes and stuff like that. That was all I had until the internet came out.

Until there was internet! All you had was give me heed until the internet. As the name suggests, it's nothing but blowjobs. It's nothing but blowjobs. You'd see a little pussy, but there was no penetration. It was all blowjobs. And to this

day, I'm like, who is this guy who only wanted the blowjob tape and kept it behind the seat of his truck? Yeah, you never know when you're going to roll into a truck stop where the HBO is out. Oh, do you guys watch the scrambled porn?

What's that, Woody? Anyone else watch scrambled porn? What's that, Woody? Anyone else watch scrambled porn? Oh, hell yeah, the Spice Channel. 50-ish stare at that motherfucker for hours late on Saturday nights trying to see a tit. And every once in a while, it's just green gobbledygook, like, worse than the Matrix. And every once in a while, you'd get three or four frames of tits bouncing across you. Like, oh, yeah, that was worth two hours. I'm going bouncing across here like oh yeah that was worth two hours i'm gonna sit here mining for pornography for another three hours that's what it was like

i remember like every time that the uh girls gone wild infomercial would come on when i was younger like if i saw it and i was alone i'd be like i can make this work it was i even knew like it was it was something like like because it was like six minutes long it was like a six minute long infomercial and then like yeah you hear the steel drums and then you're like dick like fucking one of Pavlov's dogs perks up and then like there was also a point in there

where it was like when the girl got on the bus towards the end of the spot where I was like I gotta get this done that we're in the final minute countdown and so I yeah I had to get it all done in the middle of the spot where I was like, I got to get this done. We're in the final minute. Countdown. And so, yeah, I had to get it all done in the middle of the Girls Gone Wild thing. Dude, I had a friend who bought that.

I remember earlier it was saying about being Woody. You were saying he fucked a magazine. Did you guys ever get told other things about masturbating or sex incorrectly that you didn't figure out later? Because I had a kid. I was on the opposite side of woody where i i was masturbating long before most of my peers because i matured much faster

and i remember sitting at lunch in like seventh grade and this dude was like we were talking about masturbating and you know i was like i don't remember how it got brought up but he started describing how he does it and we all just like looked at him like a maniac we're like that's not that's not how you masturbate, dude. And he's like, well, I'm coming. I'm coming. You're telling me it doesn't work? I've heard from a lot of guys.

Yeah, go ahead. He grabbed his dick tight, and then, like, he was, like, trying to win in a mini game in a Mario Party. Just like this. And rub on his palm. He's like, dude, it feels so good on the head. Like, but the rest of us just masturbate. And he's like, no, dude, you guys are missing out.

And like, I still know him to this day. No one's ever brought it up. I have heard from so many guys who learned how to jerk off weird by like humping their wrist or something. Like guys who will confess it in the subreddit and then a doctor or somebody will come along and say, you're going to fuck up your dick if you keep jerking off. Like, do it normally, but they can't

because they've been doing it for so long like that. Like, some kind of intervention program where a guy like you, Taylor, just goes from school to school for every day. He's like, look, this is how you do it. Yeah, but I do it like this. Don't fucking do it like that. That's wrong.

Nobody let him. Let's just go ahead and take all our pants off. Penises out. Everyone goes on left side of the room. Boys. Right. Yeah. I do remember trying to figure it out.

And I've told this story before, but I was a penthouse letters, right? I don't know. Back in the day before the, you know, the internet was the thing, penthouse playboy and penthouse letters for some reason, captured my imagination.

There were still some pictures in it, but it was basically these ridiculously fake, although I didn't know it at the time, stories about sexual encounters. And at one point, now I don't know how to masturbate at this point, but I'm trying to figure it out. I don't even know if I'm capable, right?

Maybe I was, I just didn't know, and I wasn't very good at it. But at one point but i'm trying to figure it out i don't even know i'm capable right maybe i was i just didn't know and it wasn't very good at it but at one point they described that i think the woman's wrist brushed the penis and sent electrical chills down his spine so i'm like well this is a clue so you know you got you and i'm just like kind of not electrical i don't think but yeah so that that was a thing you would think in your household getting shockingly exposed to so much sex that you'd be the kid in school who's like, oh, no, no, no. Let me explain to you how this thing works. You're going to get tennis elbowed with that, kids.

Let me show you how the pros handle it. Yeah, you would think so, but actually they never taught me how to masturbate. Dude, I remember there was a kid in our... In high school, we all had to shower together in just a big room with a bunch of spigots and everything because you were sweaty. all had to shower together in just a big room with a bunch of spigots and everything. You actually had to do that?

Yeah. Well, they didn't make you shower, but I showered every day because I didn't want to go back to class and sit next to girls all day and smell like shit and be that guy. Because there were those guys that would not shower and humiliated themselves in front of girls all the time. I'm like, just fucking shower. Who cares? But there was a dude I knew who fancied himself a prankster. And this was not the poop bandit uh kyle and woody this is a different guy and like we were talking about like prank stories and things at the the lunch table one day and he's he told us he's like dude like he thought he was coming up with a real good one he's like dude

the other day right after everybody else got out of the shower after gym remember that yeah i was the last one in there i came we were like what you you masturbated right after we all left he's like yeah dude we're like dude that's fucking gay like so you were like five yards through a wall from us hearing us naked and you beat off in there and like you could still smell us dude ted when does this become a prank you just masturbated in the shower we all have to shower in there i don't none of us appreciate it so yeah that guy was not as prolific a prankster as the poop bandit not as successful rather so do you guys have anything like that anybody at your school who like fucked under the stairwell or like got caught beaten off in class we had a kid uh in one of the special needs classes

who uh you know the special needs group they gossiped like nobody's business like something happened in the special needs class that's all around the school because they would spread it and like one of the kids one day like they had a beanbag chair in there and apparently he just sat back and did that thing that Children do where they you they think that because you know oh, they can't see my dick It's in my pants and my hands in my pants. They don't know what's going on He just laid back with his eyes closed and like mouth half open apparently and just masturbated That's like the other kids learning hooked on I feel like a dance do that on planes. Oh, there's a blanket here

Can't tell yeah, like adults do that on planes. Oh, there's a blanket here. Can't tell. Yeah. I do that. I have two sort of stories that are a bit dissimilar. When I was in third grade, I was in normal classes, but my mother taught in the same school

the special ed class. Well, the special ed class is going to go to the Tennessee Aquarium one day. And that morning she'd been like, hey, do you want to go to the aquarium with us today? I could probably just get you out of class and you could go with us. We're going on a field trip.

And to a third grader, at least to me, all the way through school, field trips are like a holiday or something like that. It's like there's no school. It's cool to be in the bus with all your friends.'s cool to go somewhere get those i like the sack lunches everything about a food a field trip was really cool and fun to me so i was like absolutely i want to go to the tennessee aquarium that sounds great now me today i'd be like when i be with all the special education kids and when i walk into

the aquarium in line with them won't anyone working at the at the fucking aquarium think i'm literally retarded but but i had none of these thoughts and so we go all right and good trip whatever i i had i had the old you know cassette tape player at a little walk man so i didn't talk to anybody on the bus i just sat there in my seat and listened to my cassette tape. Had a great time singing to myself all the way. Three and a half hours to Tennessee. Went to the aquarium. Got a bunch of little goodies to take home in the gift shop.

Saw some fish and shit. Well, on the way back, Tiffany Jones. That's right. I said her name. Shit herself. Oh. And to make matters worse, I should have said that second.

Because first we stopped for lunch at a rest stop, and my mom's assistant teacher picked the place, this grassy area for us all to go and like, eat our sack lunches. She picked the area that people take their dogs to shit.

So all of these retards are walking in dog shit unknowingly so now everyone on the bus has dog shit on their feet so it already smells on the bus real bad and then tiffany jones shits herself this could work to her advantage right she could have slid under the radar. No, no. Kyle, I'm sure that she'd shit her pants early into the trip. She shit... No, no. It's not like we started at a

three on the sneaky scale and slowly ramped up. No. There was a moment when suddenly, pow, right in the kisser, we were at a nine on the liquid shit and Tiffany Jones sweatpants smell scale. And it was like, all right, everyone. Everyone lower your windows down. They literally had everybody lower their windows down to like one third crack or whatever to deal with the shit smell on the bus the rest of the way back.

Best field trip ever. Had a ball. Did anybody clean Tiffany up? Or did they wait? I don't fucking know. I'll ask my mom tomorrow. I have no idea if they cleaned Tiffany up. I wouldn't want that. I know my mom didn't clean Tiffany up. That wasn't her job. No. And I feel like you should be allowed

to like, if you are the special ed teacher, you can't show back up at school with a shitty kid and pawn him off, right? Yeah, yeah. I think you just drop him off at the office and be like, hey, we got a code 7 over here. You want to call Ms. Jones' parents, let them know she has ruined herself. Yep, it's in the pussy. Yep, she confirmed that. Yes, deep in there.

Yeah, she's been scratching it a lot. Yeah. So, and then the other thing which is more sexual is when in high school, one of the teachers was having an affair with one of the coaches. was my age and my friend and it became and they got caught in the act in school in his office and it spread like wildfire and then they then the mother of my friend got a divorce and i knew her his dad and it was a debacle he was a really he was a cool guy he was a popular guy so everybody just nobody gave him shit about it and nobody's really talked about it openly or anything no one ever made fun of him at all about it but it was a known thing that yeah like miss so-and-so was fucking coach blah blah blah in his fucking office and larry walked in and caught him and then he told on him and then

they both got in trouble with management and she lost her job and then her husband divorced her it was a whole thing so there was a unknown thing at my high school there's a there's a guy and they threw a party at his house it was a smaller party i'll say 15 people there and they were like the coolest kids and apparently like the girls were all getting misbehaving and showing boobs or whatever and the guy's mom joined in and people saw her boobs i misinterpreted the situation as thinking that guy's mom was super cool right but he was very sensitive about that she drank and he was very sensitive He did not like that his mom embarrassed him like that in front of people. It got hushed up. No one talked about it.

No one wanted to hurt him because it was hurtful. I have the opposite story. I have the opposite story. You say no one embarrassed him about it. No one wanted to hurt him. There was a kid, Harley. Jeez, Kyle. Harley doesn't watch.

Harley's mom was a stripper. And she would strip at this local biker bar, which I ended up later in life going to a ton and playing poker. They had a sketchy poker game there, like a cash game. And I'd notice if you'd sit in the booths along the wall there were like pictures of chicks you know flashing and stuff in the bar right that's they take polaroids and like nail them on the on the wall was that kind of joint i don't even had a liquor license and one of the kids this guy who was like i don't know 45 but still in the 12th grade or something like that. He was like,

yeah, I saw your mama strip at the flats. I saw her strip up there last night. Your mama got some nice titties. Oh, it was awful. It was so awkward. I wanted to melt away. I was like, oh, I'm glad my mama doesn't strip at the flats because that's humiliating.

The strip club is called the flats. It's not a strip club it's a it's a bar and a you know there's it's a place where it's a place where like there's two hills and they they go down and there's a flat area and that that place is called flats and it's it's like a little biker so she took her titties out just for the fuck of it like she's a stripper she stripped in the bar for and people gave her monies. Okay. It would be impossible to talk shit as a high schooler to anyone if at any point they could be like,

hey, after school I may just go have your mom's tits on my face. How would you like that? You couldn't talk shit. You couldn't. And then a girl I was friends with worked at the local grocery store. She's like, yeah, I've seen Harley's mom come in. She pays with ones. Very sticky ones. Fuck. what are you doing with the ones before

you give them never mind well it's where you put the ones when you oh okay i i literally thought like do people ejaculate on their singles before they stuff them in the in the bikini like it that just doesn't even make sense you guys are crazy roll them up into a tube and then jerk off with them would he that's why you sit right next to the stage that's what the champagne room is for oh is that what happens in all your money then you come out and throw it in singles now now it all makes sense yeah that's that's like your only real way to touch a stripper at a reputable place is when you tuck the money into her panties or her bra or whatever. It's kind of a fresh way to like...

You can just briefly touch her belly with the back of your finger. Well, you keep going farther and farther. Don't act like that's nothing, Woody. It's better. A woman could graze your dick with her wrist and you're into it. I could feel a lot with the back of my knuckles, sir. If I've been staring at it for an hour, don't act like that's not worth a dollar. Usually.

Mr. I don't want the apocalypse to happen. Fucking Warren Buffett over there. Don't you dare shit talk on tipping strippers a dollar. Usually the girl will indicate. She'll indicate where she wants the money put. And if she's not feeling you, they've often got this garter. You know what a garter is? It's on your thigh.

It's that round frilly thing. They'll be like, right here because that's like that's the lowest tier of where you get to put the money other than just putting it on the stage if she's just like yeah just put it on the floor near me yeah you don't need to touch me but then if you're gonna touch her the lowest tier is the garter but sometimes she'll be like yeah right here and you're basically just like touching her pussy with with with your you know the your back of your knuckle or whatever and you know if she likes you you know you get as fresh as you want depending and the the less reputable the establishment is the more you can you know touch and do what's the what's the freshest what's the freshest you've ever got

oh she just she just got in the back room like in the the main area the freshness like how maybe like a 10 second knuckle rub on her clit like i was on adderall one time in vegas and i i think i dry humped a stripper's snatch for probably 20 minutes while she counted her money that that like adderall and strip clubs for me is pretty much better than anything in the world. What the hell does Adderall do? It makes me so focused and devastating when it comes to women. Like, I don't say any weird, spurgy things. I don't try to be funny. I become like Don Draper with the right combination of Adderall and liquor.

It is the complete opposite of me. It would be unrecognizable. Like, it would be like Edward Norton and Tyler Durden the difference, but it's fucking perfect. Does Adderall keep you awake like caffeine? Or did I make that up? More than caffeine. It keeps you awake.

It keeps you awake for quite some time. So I wouldn't want to take it before the show. If you take a quick release and you only did 10 milligrams, then it'd be fine like like i i've i've taken one before the show in the past and it's like i mean you know i get to sleep by one or two you know it's not like you're up all night i'm not that long anyway exactly that's what i figured yeah um as far as getting fresh in the club i've definitely like touched her pussy

with like uh like like putting the money in there um and like touched her nipple like putting it it because some some places aren't you know she'll start with a like a top on some simply i've been to a place wasn't even topless it was like a burlesque type thing and i was immediately like shit they tricked us with that cover charge thing yeah i already bought a drink like like like i guess we'll finish our booze um but but they read you any british poetry during their burlesque show or whatever they do with their liberal arts degrees you know like it was disappointing that there weren't titties but at the same time it was sort of nice to see like some sort of mystery because like like chicks

sometimes some chicks definitely look better just in lingerie than than topless or naked and it seemed like these were the girls who that was true for and they seemed like better dancers and there was a better performance involved because you got to make up for the fact there's no titties right so it was a it was a bit of a show and you're not on ecstasy yeah right and uh but but in the back room i mean i've had chicks just go ahead and get naked you know a hundred percent when they're not supposed to i'm pretty sure i've been to i it's fuzzy i don't even remember if i've been to places where the bottoms were off but i think i have i'm almost sure i have at some point because i've been to strip clubs in like several states but it just doesn't stick out to me remembering that.

You'd think I would, but I prefer those places 100%. That would be the way to go. The idea that they're just topless is kind of lame anyway, if you ask me. What's the selling point to a burlesque show over a strip club? It's the same thing, but they're wearing clothes, right? They're wearing lingerie or basically a swimming suit type situation like underwear see that that's not a that's not a selling point to me like if you want to go it's a class it's a classier show that you could take like someone who wouldn't go to a strip club too

like maybe if your girlfriend's uptight and she doesn't want to go to the strip club she would go to a burlesque show a lot of the times like you could take your parents to a fucking burlesque show aren't they funny and like have like almost an act like yeah they have an act sometimes they do you know it depends on the level like there's levels to the shit right you know like like so like that crazy thing i went to in new york that time at that club called the box that was this weird mix of performance art and bdsm and stripping and pornography. And like, it was everything all mishmashed into one, like one minute.

There was like a, I don't know if it was a man or a woman to this day, but they came out mostly naked, wearing a dog mask on a leash and collar. And then the chick like put quick cream all on her pussy and like shoved his face in it and then fucked him with a strap on. And then, all right,

next show. And, and out comes some lady wearing a necklace and streaming down from it is like a beaded curtain and that's all she's wearing is and and so every time she like sways as she sings you're seeing everything briefly it's perfect but she was a great singer and we were all just like you know she's got a killer body but god damn she's talented she could sing and they but they told, the way they got me to go there was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's this one guy.

He eats an entire pizza right there on stage while he talks to you. Then he vomits it into a bucket, and then he eats the vomit. And I was just like, you're shitting me. That's not a thing. That's not turning me on. That's not a thing. Yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah yeah yeah he's like

yeah yeah mike owns the place and i was like you own a club in new york he's like ah two percent two percent i'm like that's a lot that's good enough so yeah that was that was a ridiculous i saw hamilton last weekend they uh yeah hamilton is now on the road and it's like the the real production is doing a national tour so it's like i guess they're not on the road, and it's like the real production is doing a national tour. So it's like, I guess they're not on Broadway anymore, but it's the same dudes. And I like Hamilton. I had heard it before, so I knew the plot, and it was cool. They're amazingly talented. It's like these people can run around.

Shouldn't they be winded? Yet they still sing great. But their mics are on. You can hear them breathing sometimes, and they're just super good. Hamilton, I've talked about it before. It is, it's hard to even follow the characters because the thing is so diverse, right? There is an adult black man playing Alexander Hamilton

who is played by a Mexican dude married to a white woman, and the adult black man that is his son is an adult black man, right? So the way that this 30-year-old pretends to be six is he acts retarded, right? So he's learning to play the piano down next to drilling. Just like, oh, God.

No wonder people love it so much. So dude, I can't, I'm having a hard time. You know, I like the historical character. I can't see but the retarded kid playing the piano. Really. The adult black man acting retarded. Yeah. But that is the way that he portrayed.

That was my favorite part. Wait a minute. Are you sure that it's not so diverse that they just got a retarded man to play that part? Yes, because he aged, right? He got unretarded by the time he was like 18 or 19. Now he can like sing and dance and he's doing his Hamilton stuff. And yeah, Hamilton's really good actually.

Like I like it. And a thing that can make Hamilton better is if you are like me, you don't really know your American history well enough. I'm like Hamilton, like I'm like, I don't know, 50 50 on whether or not he becomes president right there there's some ending was a big surprise for you yeah yeah oh it turns out that was wow so he did make it i never thought he'd go from retarded boy struggling

but yeah yeah it's like there's a harrison right and i was like i think there might be a hamilton i'm not sure see on the money who's on the 20 which is jackson it turns out but but yeah if your history sucks thanks for that hot take so so i don't know the way it ends all that well no i do at this point because i had heard it on you know tape but the first time i heard it i'm like how's it gonna go and there's probably things that even if you think you do know history that you might not know. Like the situation with his wife and the mistress

and how that played out and stuff like that. I was shell-shocked at the end of The Passion. Thanks. When he dies. Yeah. It was like, whoa! Whoa! They killed him?

What is the passion? The passion of the Christ. Oh, yeah. I just like to imagine Woody watching all of these historical dramas and be shocked every time. The Titanic sinks! It's going down!

Leo, come on! Get to the engine room quick Fuck the lady JFK did you know he was going to end up Shot in that one So Hamilton is played by Like a Mexican dude And that one kind of bothered me

Because their thing about their diverse cast Is they don't care who and what you are They just hire the best person for the role Who's not white Oh there's one white guy in the show I'll circle back to him care who and what you are they just hire the best person for the role but then when the yeah oh there's there's one white guy in the show i'll circle back to him then uh when the the guy who wrote it and won all the tonys and he walks around with a dog mask dude so uh they when he like left the show they hired a look-ike, which is a different dude. I don't know if he's Mexican or Native

American or whatever the hell he is, but it's like, oh, wait! They didn't hire the best role. They tried to replace the other guy who they claimed they hired for the best role with a lookalike different Mexican dude to play Alexander Hamilton. I googled him. I know he doesn't look like that, but

yeah, he does in the show. Thomas Jefferson, that guy... him i know he doesn't look like that but yeah he does in the show and and it is thomas jefferson that guy i don't know how to politely explain like he's really black uh like is he always reminding you that he's black because i fucking hate that like uh i hate the guys where i can tell like i know that you're acting more black so that I so that we all see it. And it's fucking annoying. There's a couple of black comedians that do that. Yeah.

He kind of like ramped up the the the jive, you know, like Will Smith. Like, can you fucking stop going? You stroke victim prick. Yeah. Watch you stroke victim prick. Yeah. And, uh, but you know,

you have to be, I guess, and even if they were all white guys, you'd have to know that's Thomas Jefferson. Cause he's not going to look just like him. Or even if I really know what Thomas Jefferson is supposed to look like at that age. But,

uh, yeah, he just, all right, all right. Black guy wearing all purple for some reason, Thomas Jefferson. I've got that mapped.

Uh, you know, Mr. Glass. Yeah. he dressed like mr glass but i enjoyed the show i liked it they're amazingly talented i am i like musicals a little more than i like rap music which which is to say like i like rap music it just seems like i like three percent of it you know if you just turn on whatever's popular right now and some mumble rappers doing this thing probably won't be

my cup of tea. But I could list off 30 songs that I actually really do like. That's where musicals come in. It's hilarious because what you just said could be construed where it's like, I usually don't care for black art. But in this case, they were acting pretty white.

The worst part is some of my favorite rap music are Eminem songs. It's just not my thing. No, but I liked Hamilton. Hamilton fit in that. It was good. It was good. You'd like it.

It was kind of expensive, though. It was more than other plays. I don't think I would like it. The only musical I've ever liked, well, to be fair, the only musical I've ever seen is the South Park one the mormon one and that actually had me laughing out loud quite a bit that was hilarious i saw mary poppins at the

fox in atlanta and i really liked it you know like i i knew a lot of the songs because i've seen fucking mary poppins a time or two or whatever and uh i don't know it's really fucking entertaining there was there was a part where you know mary poppins is if you're not familiar is is like a witch or magical or some shit so she can i think mary poppins is a witch right like like what else yeah she's or a demon she is at least one of them some sort of a theory being and he's been possessed by pazuzu or something like that. She's Balzabub herself, I thought you'd know.

Yeah, because she can do some shit. And at one point, she literally takes a run at the side of the stage. And the fox has this enormous stage. I'm going to say it's 50 feet tall that you can see. And it's, of course, a theater-sized stage. It's very wide. She starts running up the theater-sized stage. It's very wide. She starts running up the side of the

stage, straight up in the air. And then she's upside down, 50 feet in the air, singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and dancing upside down. They've got her on some sort of a wire rig. And I'm

just like, fuck yeah! Did her skirt fall down? I don't remember. That's what I need to know. That's what you've been looking for. I think I would remember that. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! It was amazing.

It was so entertaining. It was like a little bit of Cirque du Soleil mixed into this Mary Poppins musical shit. I enjoyed it a lot. I feel like a lot of guys hate on musicals, and then they're like, oh, you know what? But I actually did like this one,

and I did like that one, and it's like, yeah, if you gave it a try, you might find you like musicals more than rap. I definitely... Yeah, but it's like 400 bucks. That's the... I'm not interested's why Hamilton to like

read his wiki like I don't fucking care you know well did you might be surprised by the ending like me do you know how I know he was the president so that I wouldn't get caught off guard with that but I don't know the whole story but I also know he wasn't black that might take me out of his

son has a little side plot that I didn't know about. Don't spoil it! Don't spoil it! I didn't? I'm kidding! It's history! Do you think everyone knows what happened to Alexander Hamilton's son? He defeated retardation, by the way.

See? Yeah, people know. No, I don't think everyone knows. I didn't know. I don't want to support federalist propaganda. I've always been a hardcore Whig. I didn't know. I don't want to support federalist propaganda. I've always been a hardcore Whig. I continue to be. Let's bring the Whig party back. Or the Bull Moose party.

Dude, North Carolina is once again reigning supreme. People talk about Louisiana. People talk about New Orleans. People talk about Chicago as hotbeds for political corruption. Unfoolery. North Carolina, motherfuckers. Back on top. We're literally throwing out thousands of ballots, collecting them unsealed, filling them in, and counting those as legitimate votes.

Democracy. Democracy is legit under threat here they they a woman so the the republican who ran for nc9 i think whatever the hell that is um it's this fucking bumfuck like uh rural area of north carolina he paid $400,000 to a Democrat whose job was to make sure the votes were counted honestly to not count them honestly. That appears how this thing is coming out. So he wins by like 900 votes or something

and she fucked with tons of them. And there's all these like statistical anomalies. Like no one in North Carolina this term won more republican voting or right in vote not right in uh absentee ballots democrats won absentee ballots in every single district except this one which is wildly lopsided the other way apparently absentee ballots were the way that they fucked with votes there's thousands that were thrown out uh there there was so much the fbi is this election coming in on both sides do you guys think

it's fucked that we don't have some kind of voter id system where where's everybody on that what's the room temperature i definitely think that we need a voter id system like like every every nation every western nation first world nation in the world has that mexico has that you have to have an id to vote like it it's integral to democracy that you prove you're a citizen american idol has it we don't have you could walk where i voted at this elementary school down the street you could walk in and do the old restaurant reservation trick just read it upside down and say yeah that's me and that's it and i feel like people act like requiring people to have voter id is somehow at all akin to what they used to do like 60 years ago 70 years ago when they were like all right take this voting test have you seen those have

you ever yeah they're fucking hard it's not even hard it's made to be impossible it's made to disqualify because it'll say like like number six it'll be like circle the first O in this sentence aside from the overall first. Or just written in a way that's liberally super confusing so that no matter what the person did, they're going to get disqualified. They used to do that to black people in the South. But just saying, hey, you should have an ID, a government-issued state ID, doesn't have to be a driver's license. It can just be a state ID. That's totally reasonable. Every country has it.

I wish someone from the blue side and if people don't know i'm the bluest guy on this show i think but i wish someone would explain to me why requiring an id hurts democrats so much because it almost sounds racist to me like oh you know democrats they're too poor for driver's licenses or going to a bar or all the things you need ID for. Like, really? Is that a thing? Or driving a car or going – you have to show ID in so many places. Buying a tobacco or alcohol or renting a car.

Is the assumption that all these Democrats have warrants out for their arrests and they don't want to be identified when they go voting? I think the assumption is that a lot of them are illegal immigrants living here. They're not legal and somehow they're still voting. If you believe Fox News, they would say. But that is horseshit because you do have to be on the list.

They do require you to say who you are, unless your state's different than mine. I voted in New Jersey and North Carolina and you go in and you are unless your state's different than mine i voted in new jersey and north carolina and you go and you say i'm my this is my name this is my address and then they look you up and make sure that your name and address is on that list and then they give you a ballot so yeah i mean if that's true i just don't see why anyone has an issue with it like like the reason that i want it to be true is I like the sanctity of the election. I want to make sure that who won, won.

Whether I like that person or not, whoever wins should win. That's what the fucking election is about. That's why we're doing it. Who are these people that don't even have IDs? I don't know who those fucking people are. I don't know who those people are. That's a better question.

You meet these people all the time. Shroud, for example, does not have a driver's license. It's odd to me. Now he is from Canada. That's on him. When you meet someone who's an adult who has a job and they don't have a driver's license or state ID, it's not like, oh man, you're incapable of getting this done.

It's like, no, you need to get this done. You need to take the steps needed to get your ID. That's not true anywhere. I'm just bored with this done it's like no you need to get this done you need to take the steps needed to get your id like that i'm totally i'm just bored with woody where it's like who are these people with no id like who who are they i i it it's always odd to me when someone doesn't have a form of id it's bizarre because like i feel like it's a bit of a rite of passage to have a fucking government issued identification card of some kind. I've got a couple. I don't get it. It doesn't make sense to me.

It doesn't compute with me. And so when one side is like, no, we don't want to lose our voting block full of people who don't have any form of identification whatsoever. Don't worry about who they are. They know who they are. They'll give you a name, a name. I'm just like, that sounds kind of fishy to me that that you're fighting for this so hard yeah i don't know why it seems to be universally

agreed upon that it hurts democrats if you require an id and like i said if you're in the bubble and you're an idiot then you think that it's because they're illegal immigrants but that's not the case you need to actually be registered to vote and you have to be a citizen to get registered to vote, unless there's a mistake. It's just they think Democrats don't have IDs, and I don't get it. I don't get it either. What if they're using someone else's name? What if they say they're you, but they don't have to prove it?

Well, I mean, people do get caught doing that. That's how, like, dead voters sometimes do it. But usually, like, the dead voters, like, mail in. Hello, my name is matt my name is a matter of those out of 15 million or 30 million oh i'm just saying it happens and like i mean i and you guarantee you don't catch all those things like i don't think that's swaying any elections i don't think that enough dead people are voting that it's swaying anything you know another thing that they do that like they shouldn't be able to do like the news should not be allowed to do this is calling races when there's like seven percent

of the vote in like if you notice that where they're like all right well uh there's still four hours left in virginia to vote but i'm calling it for the red guy i'm calling it for the blue guy and it's like you know that people who live in that state are watching this right now like you're actively influencing an election by by calling it early we're gonna think oh i may as well not even go or oh now they don't call the votes before the stupid people fuck the people who don't need a license fuck the people who get influenced by the news and ads fuck them they're idiots they don't need to vote they call it fox did for uh fox and cnn and or maybe not cnn some other source like a couple of them no i think it was fox and cnn or fox and msnbc like two of them

called races beforehand when there was still hours and hours to go it was a big thing on twitter they absolutely do that yeah oh yeah there will be like a small percentage of the vote in or whatever but there's there's people still in line and and they'll be like, ah, we're making a prediction that Jimmy Popcorn is going to win the senator seat from Rhode Island. And I feel like if I'm in line in Rhode Island,

and it's like, shit, where's the front of that line? Oh, Jimmy? Jimmy Popcorn won? All right, let's call it a day, boys. I don't know. Y'all got any more stickers? I'm not stopping until I get my I voted sticker. If I can't think about voting,

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entire purchase. That's stitchfix.com slash pka. Stitchfix.com slash pka. Did you get yourself a beer, Taylor? Yes, I did. Are you on your first beer? Second. It's light

beer, so it barely counts. Do you have your... Oh, you got two things two things oh i guess a shot and chaser but i got these i was at the store every once in a while i buy like specialty cream sodas like not diet ones the good kind and i got farrah faucet cream, which they have, and then I got Muammar Gaddafi cream soda. It's called Cream My People. Liberating Taste. Yeah, it says Liberating Taste on it.

Cream My People is a little sexual. Is that just me? It maybe is. Gaddafi was the guy who had that that team of hot sexy female bodyguards did you remember that oh yeah yeah so he was into creaming his people and gassing them uh purportedly ah who are you gonna believe george bush please wait was gaddafi the one did he get accused of gassing or is that no i don't think so i want to say that gaddafi had um like yellow cake uranium or something he had chemical weapons or some shit and like right after 9-11 i feel like like like

the bush white house was like all right anybody who's got any shit out there we're coming for you gaddafi was like my friend take all of my shit! Take it all! And then he's dead like two years later. That sent a great message to all the despots out there. Don't give up your scary shit, or they'll kill you in a year or two. That's all that's keeping you alive, scary despots around the world.

You're scary shit. Noted. Hold on to your scary shit. Yeah, hang on to your nukes and your smallpox and your sarin gas and your vx rockets and all that shit or they'll come and get you you know like maybe i'm just being a pessimist but i don't think we're gonna solve this middle east situation i think we should probably just fucking cut and run and just get out of there right like we've done nothing but ruin the lives

of millions of Middle Eastern people at the expense of trillions of dollars for taxpayers. Alright. I agree with you, but I want to do a little topic change here. I have a couple things. I find them all to be hilarious. These are some things that happened

this week. I'm just going to pull up my little tab here. So, the thing where Brett Favre got trolled, I think that's funny. I have a menagerie of ghetto fights, we'll call them. All with women. I only like the ladies when they fight. Ladies. Alright? Several of them end up getting hit by cars.

That's great. And I also have Pathetic Mealtime Episode 1, which is... I want to see that one so much. Can we do it first? I'm absolutely fine with that. Now... Can you give a backstory for Pathetic Mealtime for everybody? Yeah, yeah.

Anyone who's not aware of Pathetic Mealtime, I am the executive producer slash creative director of Pathetic Mealtime. I am the executive producer slash creative director of Pathetic Mealtime. Basically, it's our friend Anthony, who's a $50 a month patron. He's a fun guy. I think he's about 20 years old, something like that. He's out in California. He's got a little bit of a rough living situation. He's had a hard time growing up, and it's made him a bit of an odd duck. But we like him. We have a good time with him. And, um, he's got kind of a rough life, like I said, and, and currently, um, his home life's a little, um, complicated. So late at night, if he wants to eat something that he can't use the kitchen because there are people sleeping in the living room. And so he had to go out on his

little tiny balcony to cook something and i told him like we were i i was like you know man when i was a kid if i wanted to cook something late at night like in the summertime when i'm staying up all all night long you know you're not you're out of school and i didn't want to wake my parents i would take like the george foreman grill or like whatever out on the porch and i would would cook out there. That way I didn't like smoke out the house and wake my parents up and get in trouble. And so he sets up a little kitchen out on his little balcony. And he sets up a live stream on Twitch. And it was very sad to watch.

Because he's making these enormous double cheeseburgers. He's got a pet carrier as a table, and he's got a George Foreman grill or something like that, and he's got all of his condiments laying around haphazardly, and he's got these massive beef burgers he's cooking. They're double cheeseburgers. Can I just play this while you're talking? It's an hour long.

Yeah, yeah. You're going to want to skip all through it. I'm telling you, maybe show a little bit of the cooking. Do it at your leisure. I've only come on board as executive producer slash creative director today. Oh, yeah. He is using a pet carrier as his canvas here. Man, this is sad.

Probably for a pit bull. what time of day is it it's it's five dude it's 5 a.m california time i woke up at 7 a.m i live uh he wouldn't give a shit sacramento uh i i i'm obviously on the east coast and so i wake up at like 7 a.m i'm like rising chad motherfuckers and i i hop on online see if anything happened in the world while i was asleep and everybody is talking about something i'm not seeing and i'm like what's going on guys he's like they're like he's streaming it he's streaming the pathetic mealtime we were talking about i'm like holy shit so i hop on board and and and he's he's already cooking and he's got like keep in mind this is his like cell phone jammed up on like a rug that's rolled up and stuck in the corner like i love the tripod it's not plugged in so the battery is like ticking down and that it's an hour long because that's when

the battery died okay on his cell phone and going off his shoe for some reason at 33 minutes i'm not getting any audio. Is there audio? There should be audio, but I can't confirm. There was audio at the time of the broadcast. It's cold. I heard him say something. At one point towards the end, after he finishes

both of his gigantic... I want to say it was a pound of meat. Just a pound of meat with cheese melted on top. Five in the morning? top five in the morning at five in the morning he was hungry and at the end he's wearing full pk if you're not watching this like a fool he's wearing full pka gear he's got the hat he's got the sweatshirt and he like gets this really greasy hand from like the burger grease dripping on it and just wipes it right on his pants i love that like. And so all this week,

we've been talking to him about video ideas and we've been buying him stuff on Amazon for the show. I bought him a hot plate. Another guy bought him a deep fryer. Is this a hot plate I'm looking at? I want to say it's like a George Foreman type thing. George Foreman is like a clamshell though. This is just a hot surface of some sort. This is only half like a George Foreman type thing. George Foreman is like a clamshell, though. This is just a hot surface of some sort.

This is only half of a George Foreman grill. Yeah. Look, it's some kind of an electric griddle. I actually didn't see the cooking live. By the time I tuned in, he was eating. And that, to me, was the funniest part. It was like, alright, well let's just watch Anthony eat a few gigantic burgers.

He's making four huge burgers. Four three-quarter pounders or something. It's satisfying to watch a guy eat for some reason. It really is. And so I was immediately like, this is not epic meal time. This is pathetic meal time. First of all,

don't move that bicycle or that lawn mower you've got in the background. My wife, my daughter has the same bike, I think. Don't get rid of the pet carrier. That is your work surface. The pet carrier. At one point, he was going to get in the pet carrier,

but it was wet on the inside. So I'm hoping tonight we get him in the pet carrier. That's right! Pathetic Meal Time Episode 2 premiering tonight! If you're a Patreon, get on over to Twitch and watch little Anthony. Big Anthony. He's gonna be cooking up some corn dogs

and some french fries. I suggested that earlier tonight. He's been out all this afternoon shopping for cornmeal and sugar and flour and stuff my buddy slade i think paypal him a few monies uh so that he could afford so happy so many oh nothing makes this man happier than than monies and and corn dog and and beef video the eating though like if you go to like 40 minutes or so it's funny i think i know what he's talking about. When he's sitting there, first of all, to set the stage, there's a pet carrier.

There's the smallest little coffee table kind of thing you can imagine he's eating on. There's two old bikes. There's a pile of trash in the corner. There's a string. There's like two strings tied to a lawnmower running the length of the small porch. The lawnmower is the

laundry line. You realize that's the laundry line. Oh, the lawnmower is the laundry line. You realize that's a laundry line and it has the clips on it. Yeah, he's got laundry line. We're going to utilize that. We're going to utilize that in the cooking process later. I didn't realize the lawnmower was the host. And as he's eating in silence alone,

5.30 in the morning with this burger, like he'll take a bite, take like three chews, and then like give a half smile and like nod to himself Yeah, like you know what in the midst of this this burger is good So so episode two if you're what if you're a patron and you're watching this early like tonight as of like, you know December 6th or it may roll over to the 7th midnight or whatever. He will be streaming tonight

I'm sure it may be late. I don't know. I'm asking right now what his Twitch is because I don't know exactly. It's probably like Xbox PC Man or some shit like that. Can I interrupt you? Yeah. Anthony is me, all one word. Thank you. You nailed it. So that's episode two tonight will be Corn Dogs, I hope. That's what

I suggested today. He loved the idea. I sent him a few recipes and french fries. I told him, all you need is a potato, some wieners, and batter mix, et cetera, and you're good to go. Episode three, which probably will debut this weekend, he is going to take that bicycle and with a shoestring, I'm not making this up, with a shoe string, he is going to tie a wagon to the back of that bicycle and he is going to pedal to a nearby park to use their grills, right?

They have those grills that are free to the public and in the dead of night in a scary ass crime riddled park with prostitutes and heroin dealers and addicts, he is going to grill something up for us real nice. Now, I haven't financed his next adventure yet. Episode 3 has not currently been funded. We'll see how Episode 2 does. So if you're listening to this, let's support Anthony. Anthony has a rough time he's an uber he is a uber eats driver um he has a hard time getting by when he puts gas into his car his car is like a it barely moves it's a real it's a real much gas it needs he was he was like i need 16 the car has cancer he's cancer. He was like, I have $24 to my name.

It costs $16 just to get enough gas in the car to make it to the store and back. Because he's getting like three miles per gallon or something. Probably needs a quart of oil, too, to make that drive. Because it's burning oil. And then after that, I've got like $8 or whatever to buy the ingredients. And we're like, all right, we'll help you out with the ingredients, man. Let's get pathetic mealtime rolling here. We'll roll out the merch later on.

But for now, let's just get some recipes, some utensils, some cooking implements. I hope you stay as passionate being the venture capitalist for this endeavor because this is hilarious. I like the idea of you sending him burgers for all the prostitutes and drug dealers. That would be a good show. You could be hilarious. I like the idea of you sending him... If you could make burgers for all the prostitutes and drug dealers, that would be a good show. That'd be hilarious. I skipped around. Did he sit there and eat all four burgers? Yeah. He made doubles.

He made doubles. Double cheeseburgers. And each one is like a half a pound. And he ate them up like a champion. And then he stared into that camera like Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket and talked to us. Oh, I scrolled through. like a champion and then he stared into that camera like private pile from full metal jacket and talked to us oh i scrolled through like i scrubbed through the last hour of it and it's him standing there like in paranormal activity when it like gets to 3 a.m and then it like fast

forwards to 7 a.m and the woman's standing there the whole time totally still it's really don't do that anymore anthony no sit down when you address the camera because that's gotta be no no no oh don't you try to mess with my talent don't try to mess with my talent anthony's charm is that he's probably got asperger's anthony's charm is that he's not great socially anthony's charm is that he is pathetic mealtime. Man, you're really pumping this guy up. Dude, I like Anthony. So I only see him in the context of the Patreon hangout. And I find him to be...

He doesn't talk a lot. But my impression is that he's keeping up with everything socially with ease. He's laughing at the people less socially adept than he is. The people who know him were having a real laugh at you saying that about him. They were like, what? He thinks he's a step ahead socially. It's because he doesn't talk much, so it doesn't expose if he's behind. Exactly.

For those who don't know, Anthony is the same guy who did uh he did the cosplay of each of us where like when he wore a fan on his back with the trash bag as woody and i don't remember what he did for kyle or me uh yeah he cosplayed as all of us it was hilarious yeah what did he do for you kyle i don't remember i think he was drinking. He had alcohol and maybe a shirt and a gun of some kind or something like that. I don't remember. It was something like that. But yeah, we're going to make this a thing. The only limiting factor will be his get up and go, his drive to do it,

because he has a couple of benefactors in myself and another gentleman. He's got a lot of pans in the fire kyle you can't expect to get all of his enthusiasm and drive on your project one of my video ideas is now that he has a deep fryer that the other guy sent him is to put the deep fryer in the pasture seat of his car buckle it in get one of those adapters so he can plug it into the cigarette lighter and go to like mcdonald's and order the burgers while he's frying up the French fries. And be like, come on, you gotta hurry. They're almost out.

And be like making fresh French fries over there in the corner. Or if I can get him to like be cool and like not care about being embarrassed to like order raw French fries from McDonald's. Be like, no, no, no. I want them frozen give me a pack of frozen fries and to just dump them into the into the deep fryer right next to him and drive while he cooks that's harder to do than people might guess like off the bat i'm like dude i would totally do that what's hard about that and then the real me doesn't like vlogging in front of strangers at the mall or something like dick have you done that have you done things i guess you have but like in in public where strangers will pass judgment

on you talk to his phone on a selfie stick making videos like out in public yeah bothering people no i think it's helpful if you're a character because like my my shtick of course was like being the russian guy and so like When I was doing that, it sounds stupid as fuck, I'm aware, but I really got into the mindset that I was that guy and that guy doesn't get embarrassed about shit like that.

When I went to that liquor store that time with the keg that was all shot full of holes with the two pretty girls behind the counter and was like, yeah, my fucking keg was defective look at this it just it just exploded look at all these holes in it and there's bullets in the bottom of the keg like if you shake it you can hear them rattling around in there that it was a full keg i bought and then shot with machine guns so it's like all shot full of holes

and i'm just like yes this i tried to tap the keg it explode beer everywhere we get no party bitches all go home and and keg is ruined i will not pay a deposit i want money back and they're just like really did that happen and like there were hot chicks and and like i would have had a hard time just going in there as me and be like yeah this is keg that i bought earlier it it was defective but because i'm sick no the keg explode and the russia keg never explode unless you want it to explode this is bullshit i want my money get manager manager you know i have no problem being it's like a it's like a shield

an ego shield where like if it were you going in they'd be like i'm presenting myself as a as a retard but you can leave as the russian guy being like oh no no i'm not retarded dimitri's retarded exactly and it really does like i don't get the shame i feel no shame doing it whereas like i and honestly the cameraman is a bit of a shield too I feel like for whatever reason because oh yeah I didn't consider that like Chad is there with like a legit camera like set up with like a Stabilizer and a nice DSLR and like he's running like a big like shotgun mic or whatever And he's right there with me, and you know we've gotten permission from the owners to go in there people thought that video was fake

They're like there aren't any liquor stores that just look like that it's like dude we we picked a really nice liquor store because we knew the owners of the place you staged an entire liquor store is what you did and and like the but the girls had no idea and they were buying it they were like he said that the that the keg was defective and it just exploded and all of these holes look at it it's ruined and i'm just like i want my deposit back i want it because when you buy it when you in case you don't know anyone like when you get a keg you pay a deposit because you're going to return the big stainless steel cylinder and everything back to them that's the that that parts i don't remember what kegs cost but i think a miller light keg is like 130 or something like that and like 30 of that is the keg or something like that

you get that back and there's like a hundred dollars worth of beer in there it's like 20 gallons or something like that and yeah that was fun and then i got into more trouble because like I may or may not have went out with the girl behind the counter and then and then online someone asked Dimitri if he got the girl behind the counter and Dimitri said something and some sort

of Russian nonsense like yes comrade we take the pussy and then she replies she's like no she didn't take the pussy and i'm just like oh either i argue with her about whether or not i took the pussy or i just block her and end this debacle right now and i just blocked her like that's easier that's easier to do i don't want to get into an argument about whether or not I took the pussy or not. I took the pussy.

I know it. She knows it. Don't care if they know it. Let's just get this over with. This is not a good look for me. And then like now every now and then I drive Pat through that area and she's on a goddamn billboard and I'm just like, I took that pussy.

But yeah. You got to send that bitch to improv class. Never going to go stomping in there with a no. Get the hell out of here. I'm feeling those drinks. I did about, I'm going to call that three or four shots of vodka there. And Tito's vodka is smooth and delicious. I have definitely made the turn.

I wouldn't say delicious. Well, I've got this pineapple mango juice that I chase it with, and I don't taste shit. Like, I really don't. I get a little in my mouth, do a shot of vodka, chase it down. And you get your vitamin C and your vitamins. Like, you're set. Staying hydrated. You're like all about a, are you ever going to leave your Tito's phase?

Because you were on that Grand Gala phase for a while, but you've been stuck with Tito for a while. The thing about the Grand Gala is there's a lot of calories in there, right? And after the fitness thing, I've gotten right back down to like a good weight for me. I'm feeling good about myself right now. And so I'm washing my portions. I'm eating one meal a day. I'm still lim limping around so i can't go back to the gym but i have the gym membership now and i plan to go back and and i'm trying to maintain this nice weight that i'm at right now because i'm liking it all all of my clothes fit even my medium shirt oh man you know

i've stopped looking at half of my jeans like you motherfuckers i know i sit there and pretend like i'm picking them out i have two pairs anymore you fat fuck i have have you ever like thought you didn't gain any weight and then like you like if you like washed your jeans in a few days and so you throw your jeans that were comfortable in the wash and then you take them out after they return to normal jean size, and you try and put them on, and you're like, oh no, this is a wake-up. I've got a couple pairs of shorts

that are too big, right? And they fall off me when I walk. You have to, have to, have to have a belt with these shorts. And my wife will be like, look at you! Those things won't stay up! And it's like, yeah, they wouldn't fucking stay up on wings. That doesn't mean anything.

I have three wardrobes. I have a fat wardrobe, a medium wardrobe, and a skinny wardrobe. And right now most of my skinny wardrobe fits, right? Like my 30 size waist pants fit, my medium shirts fit and yeah everything fits it's nice it looks nice and fitted if you're wearing my medium shirt if

I'm being lazy I throw on the large everything's nice all of my jeans fit my my 30 uh my 32 jeans are a little bit loose my 33 jeans or whatever the fuck they are are falling down. I can't even wear them. My pajama jeans, of course, just fit all the time. I like to rock those as much as possible. No grand gala. Too many calories.

Honestly, if you're going to chase it with a little bit of something, then what's the point of drinking something that's so sugary and flavored anyway? Plus, Tito's the point of drinking something that's so sugary and flavored anyway? Plus, Tito's is fucking smooth, and it's cheap. Tito's is so cheap to be such a high-end vodka. I know it's not... I bet people probably don't consider it as high-end of a vodka as, like,

Grey Goose, or maybe even Absolute. I don't know, but you can buy a handle, a handle of Tito's for $30. Is that a normal sized bottle? No. No, that's the size that's double the normal size. It's a jug. It's a jug. I don't know what it is. Maybe a gallon?

It's a huge bottle. Yeah, I don't buy vodka. I think it's 1.75. What is it? Is it vodka Tito's? I definitely don't buy that by the gallon. Yeah, 1.75 liters. That would handle me through 2030. You should just buy one gallon of Tito's, and you will never have to purchase anything for a drinking episode ever again.

I have a grand gallon left over, I think. Years from now, you'll still have half a bottle of that. But yeah, I chase it it i don't drink it straight because i think that's some real alcoholic shit but uh but yeah it tastes it it goes down smooth and it doesn't burn that much and that's really all i'm looking for from a vodka i had tito's like for the first time like six seven years ago when it was a really fledgling company i feel like and like um the guys who own the paintball field in chicago they are friends with the guy who owns the tito's company and so they were like this is tito's vodka our friend owns this company like

like it's gonna be huge it's it's handmade vodka and it competes with all of the big boy vodkas but it's cheap and at the time i was like all right yeah sure sure your friend your friend's gonna be a vodka empire or whatever. But sure enough. Mexican vodka. Sure, buddy. Oh, it's not Mexican. It's made in Austin, Texas. But the name Tito's.

I remember when Tito's came out. I was like, oh, yeah. OK. Tito's vodka, you fucking idiots. Why didn't you call it like Sven's vodka or something? But now it's, I have a bottle. Wouldn't drink anything else now. But now it's, I have a bottle.

Wouldn't drink anything else now. Yeah, if you were walking up in like a, you know, festival, a vodka festival, and there was a booth with a bunch of Mexicans behind it, and then next to it a booth with a bunch of like tall Swedes or something, or Russians, like, I admit, that's my racism show. Like, I would walk to the Swede or the Russian one, because I'd assume this is what they drink. Mexicans, you guys are aces at tequila go go to the make your tequila not not vodka but they proved us wrong tito tito and his friends fucking tasty fucking tasty i can't believe you never

drink beer ever me yeah i don't see the point i i don't see the point of drinking beer i feel like it's a lot of empty calories um but but most of it but it's full of life i feel like it's a lot of empty calories, but most of it is full of life. I feel like there's a lot of actual drinking that has to happen. But you drank beer. The way Taylor described it made it sound like you've never tasted beer. Well, I mean, he keeps beer in his fridge. He drinks beer socially, and he drinks beer because he wants a beer. If he's having hot wings, he probably wants a beer with it.

and like he drinks beer because he wants a beer you know if he's having hot wings he probably wants a beer with it the times when the only time that i drink beer like with food is if i'm at a mexican restaurant with friends and we're gonna like you know we're gonna be there for a few hours or whatever and i you know they've got that i get a like a either a pitcher of doseki or uh like one of those big frozen mugs of dose Equis, and I just eat those chips and salsa. I want the salsa as spicy as they'll make it. I'm like, no, no, no, not this watery tomato sauce bullshit. Give me the salsa that you would eat, Pablo. Go get it. I know you got it in the back. It's in a coffee can or something. I don't care if there's rust. Give me the real shit. I eat my salsa and chips, and then I can tell my mouth is on fire and then i glug glug glug glug glug glug my giant thing of beer and and you know eat my mexican food

and i i go through a couple of i go through a whole picture myself for sure of dosekis especially if it's cold i want it so goddamn cold i almost get a like a like an ice cream headache type thing going on because it's like watery piss beer there's something about those mexican beers that like on their own just like socially drinking like without mexican food not good like not not that good but if you have mexican food really compliments those mexicans you know say what you will but they've got a few things figured out yeah i know what's up there's a 100 chance that i'm going going to a Mexican restaurant the second this podcast is over and coming home in an Uber. A lot faster than when I left. Wait, what time zone are you in?

Are you Pacific? Yeah. Okay. Alright, so one last thing on pathetic mealtime. Look, guys. People are listening to this. Anthony needs our support. Both emotional support and financial support. Woody, would you show them Anthony's chair? This is the chair that he sits in every day. support, both emotional support and financial support. Okay.

Woody, would you show them Anthony's chair? This is the chair that he sits in every day. Okay. I just linked it down there. This is the base of Anthony's gaming chair. He sits in this every day. I feel like Sarah McLachlan right now. In the arms of the angel. Every day, little Anthony sits in this chair.

How does that work? Fly away with me. Propped up with duct tape. Kyle, that was so good, we're going to get copyright struck. In the arms of the angel. The bots will pick that up for sure. The bots will pick that up for sure. It's fucking duct tape and 2x4s to keep this thing going.

His microphone stand, like what I've got going on right here, he's got the microphone and then the arm, but there's no connectivity, so it's duct taped. It's all just duct taped together. It's okay. I find that easy to believe. It's This is a hell of an engineering feat. He's got these two

2x4s sandwiched around what must be a broken chair. Kyle didn't even mention what I think I'm spotting, an industrial strength zip tie. Coming out the bottom there. I didn't catch that. You're absolutely right. I think that's part of the mix.

Duct tape and zip ties. This guy's got redundancy. And then there's that white milky substance all over the base of the legs. Let's ignore that as well. But yeah, Anthony needs our prayers, our viewership, and our money.

It's the masturbation station, too. I'm sure it is. That explains the white milky stuff at the bottom is what I'm getting at. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I follow. Follow.

So, yeah. Pathetic Mealtime, episode two, appearing tonight, I hope, and getting some corn dogs. And I'm going to make him eat an entire bag of corn dogs.

He better eat eight of those bitches, or we will pull funding. We'll pull funding? Oh, Jesus. Support Pathetic Mealtime. I've got a real hankering right now to watch a ghetto fight or someone get hit by a car.

Oh, you have a couple videos. Let's watch one. I have so many videos. Kyle spent the week scouring. Oh, you have a couple videos. Let's watch one. I have so many videos. Jesus. Kyle spent the week scouring. I didn't think I would get that into watching people get hit by cars. I thought I was more of an animals fighting and attacking and people messing with alligators and getting their arms ripped off.

That Thai guy, look that up. Arm ripped off by alligator on YouTube. That's great. Fucking idiot. So we're going to start off strong. This is a locker room fight between two girls. It's a short video. It's a short video, but

it's sweet as a punch. Okay? It really gets to the core of what girl locker room fights should be. I am at zero. Is there music or can I... You're 100% good. I previewed all of these videos

to look for titties and music. We're good. Dude, just by the title, I can see where this is headed. If you guys want to find this and track us, it's called... It's got 794 views and it's called Girl Fight in Locker Room and She Bites Her Pussy.

Ready, set, play. 794 views and it's called girl fight in locker room and she bites her pussy ready set play Alright, there's a clear victory That was not clickbait. I'm going to play it again so my laughing doesn't ruin the audio. I'm going to watch that again. Oh, God. Oh, man. I had to delve deep into YouTube, right?

It was difficult. That had 794 views. That is a rare girl locker room fight. That's absolutely right. We are one of the few to have seen that fight. Now, it looks like I don't like the fighting dirty of the pussy biter. However, if you review the tape, you'll see that the woman doing the pussy biting has her bra halfway either on or off. So it's possible that the pink shirt girl attacked the pussy biter first, which would make the pussy biting completely OK in my book. I don't know what you guys think.

And based on the flow of the fight, I wouldn't think Yellow Pants initiated it because she was getting her ass beat. Like, Pink Shirt was throwing her around. Yeah, somehow. I don't know if I want to stand by this position, but as I was watching it, I was thinking

to myself that Yellow Pants is losing so badly, I'm more forgiving of what I'll consider dirty tactics. Yeah. She's in a locker room under full mount about to get ground and pounded. You know, chomp chomp. Fight that pussy. Yeah. Do what you got to do.

Yeah. And you know what? That woman is lucky she didn't fight Taylor. Do you know what? That woman is lucky she didn't fight Taylor. Do you know what? Taylor and the American crocodile share this distinction for the best jaw in North America. It would have just been like an ice cream scoop, just getting rid of that whole thing.

I'd have a mouthful of labia majora. It's all the meaning to eating pussy. Yeah, I'd spit it out against the sticks like old ladies do with pasta. I also think the pink shirt, the one who got her pussy bitten, I think she's wearing shoes, which would also be an advantage over the pussy biter. shoes, which would also be an advantage over the Pussy Biter. If you review it, I think you can see that Yellow Pants

has either a design or odor eaters on her socks, and her feet seem to be bending in a foot-like way, whereas the other one has just, like, Keds on her. Maybe some New Balance. Let's go to... I already linked one, but let's go

to this one instead, because Chiz is saying the terrible girl ran up on to get run over by video is a real winner, according to Chiz. Oh, it's on Worldstar. It's got to be a winner. Worldstar! Can you guys take a quick listen for music? I don't know if I need audio or not. Oh, you're all good.

These have all been previewed for titties and music. This is called terrible girl Girl Ran Up to Get Run Over by a Car During a Scrap on Worldstar. Worldstar! Alright, let's watch. Alright. Ready, set, play. One-on-one, no jumping. One-on-one.

One-on-one. That's a bright yellow, black, and white jumpsuit. That's a girl. Oh, girl. Oh, there's another one. Another one's around. A new challenger entered the play. Oh, boy. At first, I thought the one backing up might just be a talented counterpuncher. Oh, you guys are ahead of me.

Right when the white girl comes in. That's not a white girl. Oh god it's not. No. That's a wig. I have to rewatch that. I need to see exactly where it happened. I was going full Joe Rogan.

I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan.

I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I was going full Joe Rogan. I need to see exactly where it happened. I was going full Joe Rogan, thinking about the counterpuncher, how the styles make fights, and all of a sudden, your car runs through. Like, ah, there's the style bender.

For three is an Amoytai stance. Watch out for those Elos, Jim. You think she's dead? It's the girl throw stance where their leading hand is the same as their leading foot. That's the female fighter slash throwing the baseball stance. Dude, the first mistake you make when throwing a punch is trying to put your hips and body into it. You want it to be an isolated arm. So it's more of a punchy jab. More of a stab. Just watch the UFC. Just the one

stab thing. No power. I know I'm not looking at pros. And if I see clam biting, I know I'm not looking at pros. If a wig doesn't come off halfway through the fight, these are amateurs. They haven't even managed to get the weave out yet.

Man, she got hit with that car so hard. I think she was trying to watch it happen so quickly. She does a whole flip, I think. I think she's dead. She might be. She might be dead. That's a...

Did she get clipped by the mirror? It seems like she takes the mirror in her lower back i think like the back of her car right back of her right leg seemed to get hit by like getting nicked by the front left of the car and it spun her all right so this is another video i want to say that either came from chiz or maybe the discord this is is called Girl Gets Hit by Car After Fight in Virginia. Concise. I like it. I'm ready.

Three, two, one, play. That's the caption. Let's get it. So far, I can't tell who the combatants are. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! What the fuck? Oh, I think I missed it. I'm not following the plot of this one. What was the motivation? I need to rewatch this. Oh, shit, you hit? Yeah, but who...

I can't even tell because of the brightness of what's happening. Oh, I see. Yeah. I will not take credit for that one being of poor quality. I'm watching it again. That's tough to see. There's definitely a solid

contact, more than the other one, but as Woody says, the story leaves a lot to be desired. Why do I care about this woman? If I'm going to watch a movie, I need it to flush out the universe a little bit to explain how we got here. Well, this next video does that

soundly, I think. Maybe? This one is called Crazy Black Ghetto Hood Fights I think there might be more than one fight in this, it's based on the title Kyle, I'm noticing a trend in these videos. Are you?

Yeah, do you have any fight videos? Did they hold their cameras at the wrong angle? Did they hold them in, uh, that they've been holding them in portrait mode? Was that the trend that you noticed? You know, that is a trend that I've noticed. But the other one was, Kyle, do you have any fight videos where it's not all black people? You know, I YouTube searched white people fighting in the street.

And I got zero results. You didn't get the Vancouver Canucks rioting from 2012? Nope. What about those guys flipping each other off across the street? I saw her. What about those guys flipping each other off across the street? I saw her. That's how my nephews fight. Look at each other.

She's not in the call. I want to watch that video after this one. I'm queued up at zero. Yep. Ready, set, play. Slow-mo. It speeds up, set, play. Slow-mo. It speeds up. Don't worry.

Is this woman a nurse by her outfit? Ooh. Right in the kisser. Oh, she took advantage of that woman. It's pride rules. Oh, this is just like that fight. Oh, what was his name? A lot of hammer fists. of that woman's... Oh! It's pride rules! Oh, this is just like that fight! Oh, what was his name? A lot of hammer fists.

Uh... How do I not know this? That American dude... Yakamoto or something. Tom Fry. Don Fry. Look at these people. Look at these people.

Eyeball clawing Oh god Well now she needs a little ground and pound If she's gonna eyeball claw Let her go Have you ever been in that position Where like They're like let him go Let him go

And it's like I'm not 100% sure I'll regain this position If I do Right I really like the way this is going Can we not just carry it from here Yeah I'm not 100% sure I'll regain this position if I do. I really like the way this is going. Can we not just carry it from here? Yeah. I'm not letting them go.

For some reason, in a lot of these hood fights, I'll call them, people don't seem to appreciate ground and pound. They're like, oh, no, stand back up. It's like, no. I just got him down. It's time to fucking finish this shit. It's going great. Can we not do this for a while?

Yeah. This will be the end of her if you give me a few more pussy bites and some eye claws. I don't want to stand back up and box. Yeah. Kyle, I feel like you've almost spoiled fighting videos for me now. Because now, in all the fighting videos, if someone doesn't get hit by a car at the end, I'm not enthused. Oh, really? That's interesting. Because I find the car ones the end, I'm not enthused. Oh, really? That's interesting, because

I find the car ones to be a letdown after the pussy biting. We started so strong. Whatever the next UFC event, like you see Kevin Lee out there, and he fucking gets the KO, and he's like, yeah! And all of a sudden, a sedan

just rolls. And the winner! Yeah! And all of a sudden, a sedan just rolls. And the winner by TKO, the Ford Taurus 1998 SVO. Isn't there a big UFC fight this weekend?

Max Holloway, Brian Ortega, and I think there's a girl championship on the line too. Does that sound right? I want to say Shevchenko is fighting what's her name, not champion. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a huge mistake for her. She's stepping up from bantamweight up to 125,

where she doesn't belong, against a fucking bullet. I think Shevchenko beat Nunez when they fought. I didn't like that decision. I feel like Shevchenko is one of the baddest fucking women on the planet at 135. Definitely in the top two. Yeah. Joanne and your J-Check. Something very close to that. John J-Check, I think. Yeah. Okay.

Has no business in there at 125 with fucking Shevchenko. Shevchenko is going to fucking bite her pussy all she wants. All night long. I predict like a round one fucking TKO like like get her off of her kind of into that fight for her that's gonna be you're a big you watch the chick fights yeah what do you how do you feel about the chick fights dick um i i can't tell if they're uh i can't tell

if they're fighting or uh or making dinner i don't. I can't get into the chick fights at all. I don't care. I don't know how to interpret that. I can tell if they're making dinner or not. When I watch the guy fights, I feel what they're doing. When I watch the girls fight, I feel absolutely nothing. For people that don't know, Dick has an actual background in boxing, right? Like you box.

It's a way that you keep in shape. It's a thing that you know. Yeah, I used to do it. I used to do a lot of boxing and uh win chung kung fu and spar a lot i think that the the high end of the women's fights is the only place to be i feel like the the undercard girls sometimes can and cannot be at the high level that you expect or that you could appreciate especially after watching like the fight, because whatever reason, right? I just don't feel like women's MMA has gotten to that point. I feel like five years from now, it'll be there.

I feel like all those girls who were like 10 when Ronda Rousey was killing it and were like, I want to be an MMA fighter, will be fucking 18 and 20 in like five more years, and there's going to be some bad fucking girls out there. But right now, there's a handful that are at i don't watch college baseball i don't watch college football all that much like i don't want to see the not as good crew i hear what you're saying but i don't agree what i like in a fight is heart right like if there one thing, they don't have to be that good at fighting.

It can be a street fight. It can be some Kimbo versus Sean Gannon fight, right? They don't have to be great at doing it. I just need to see them have a fighter spirit and I enjoy it. And a lot of times these women bring that. Not every woman fight, but if there's two girls going at it, I feel like they're fighting with heart in a way that I really find entertaining.

If I see women on the card, I'm usually like, ooh, this will probably be good. If it's Thug Rose, it's Jan Jacek, it's Shevchenko, it's Nunez, or it's Cyborg, I'm buying. They have my money. Because I know that those girls are extremely high level with their striking, their jiu-jitsu, all around. And they are champion levels, like heart.

They're in there to win it. They're not going to get fucking a broken nose and stop. These are the girls who, they've all had broken noses. They're not afraid to get... Paige Van Zandt. Nah, I was about to say, it's Paige Van Zandt.

No, thank you. No, thank you. Who did she, she got pummeled. I think it was Thug Rose. Rose. That bloodied the heck out of her. Rose beat her the fuck down. Or maybe Michelle Waterson.

And that went the distance. Like Paige Van Zandt, that fight where she got beat by Rose by quite a bit, but never said die. I think she went the distance. I think it was five rounds. And she's so beautiful. And she was such a bloody hamburger face at the end of it. I was like, my God.

Say what you will about the win or the loss. She's a fighter. I don't think it was five rounds. Because she wouldn't have got a title shot. Doesn't have to be a title shot to be five rounds. I'll look it up. I thought it did. I want to say Paige fought Michelle Karatehati.

The waterman or water center, whatever her name is. I thought that was the fight. I could be wrong, though. It's been a while. I really dislike Paige Van Zandt. Rose finished her in the fifth. Cool. You were right. You see her fake titties. Paige got some big old fake hooters.

I did, yeah. There's a theory out there that she doesn't want to fight again. There's something about her arm that's giving her a really long layoff. She has fake boobs, which make it a little tougher to make weight. That's another pound or two.

I don't know how much fake boobs weigh. That she'll have to cut of body fat because now she's carrying those things around. A lot of people are like, she's just going to use this arm thing and leverage it into a modeling career. You can't even fight with those in certain states. I didn't know that. I don't think New York will let you fight with fake tits. They think they could rupture you if you get titty punched. And look, if I'm the lady fighter, I'm popping that titty, bitch.

You come in here with fake hooters trying to get some extra money on me, I'm popping that titty. Do you remember the guy? I think he was a tough fighter, but I'm not positive. Anyway, he had an ear that was like, everyone has cauliflower ears, but this particular one was ready to pop and uh the guy targeted it and when he hit it like there was a yeah it was like a small balloon or something and the blood just popped and i think it was it was like not cut long ways i i i'm having a hard time

explaining the fight it was like it was like this is your ear and like it came it split apart like that like like like it didn't get cut on the side of your ear and like a little ears hanging off like it came apart like it was like like it came apart long ways like like two sheets of paper being pulled apart it was disgusting and there was so much blood. So much blood. It was bad. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen some brutal ones. But it's not like I'm a just bleed guy who can't appreciate technique at all. I appreciate that too. But man, displays of heart make me just in awe.

That's what I like to see. For sure. Let's watch another girl get hit by a car. Just queuing up. Ready? Say it. Okay. Ready, set, play. Alright.

Doing the hair base takedown. Two fights at at once why aren't they on ice You know what portrait mode, but not bad photography I Mean what do you want from the guy someone got the stun gun flip it over man You think he has the editing all? Almost all of these fights happen in parking lots. That goddamn neighborhood. This is not a parking lot, is it? Yeah.

I'm not seeing the fight, really. You will. It's hard to see with this camera angle. There's going to be a real battle between that Dodge Stratus... Oh, is that a fat? This woman has a baseball bat. There's about to be a real battle between that Dodge Stratus and this fat woman. Now that's hard.

Uh-oh. And the Dodge Stratus takes it! Oh! Oh! And she's getting it from another car! Jesus! Oh, shit! Oh!

Now another fat woman is going. Surprise, surprise. The Dodge Stratus can take on multiple attackers. The fatties are at war. They've gathered against the tribe of the Dodge Stratus. I'll tell you, Woody, I've seen some clean striking in my day, but the technique shown by that Dodge Stratus is going to be hard to overcome. In the 3,000-pound class, it is the clear champion. To be fair, they were both in the 3,000-pound class.

If only the Dodge could figure out how to – if only they put a wig on the Dodge. That's how – then they could grab the hair of the dodge stratus and funnel it but it seems it i i know the weight is a factor but i think it also might be that the dodge stratus has no hair that's off to the dodge stratus and its driver laquisha now one of these one of these is going to turn into a demolition derby one day because they're both going to get the right idea to get in their cars and that will be in the new then that will ruin all of these videos for us dodd stratus is that oh shit amani carlo enters the field that is a 4 000 pound car and it changed sporting forever that moment who is somebody's got to get to work on these videos too because it's always you always have to put the slow-mo of the Impact at the end and they're not doing it. They're failing us with these videos

That's probably why they have such a low view count, but it's always impact slow version of the impact Double slow version of the impact we need it. I Love this shit. I was searching for these for about an hour this evening you know like like changing search uh search parameters and such trying to try to really narrow in on on what we like here which is women beating each other up and then getting hit by cars uh i know we're off but this the the main fight the second domain fight gunner nelson's before that kyle botchniak is before that he's the guy that like showed a ton of heart against one of the up-and-comers maybe one of those crazy russian dudes it's thin but good anyway jim manuel a lot of good fights a lot of good fights coming up, too. The next event's going to be good as well.

A lot of good stuff happening. I don't know. MMA's real good right now. I hope that nothing awful happens. It almost always seems to. I can totally see Max Holloway missing weight. He had such a hard time. If he misses weight but fights,

I'm okay. It's not what I want. No, no, no. If he misses weight, fights, I'm okay. It's not what I want. No, no, no, no. If he misses weight, then he won't fight. Because, like, I'm sure you remember, but basically he tried to make weight for the Habib fight, but he went into that at, like, 180 pounds trying to cut to 155, and he was having, like, concussion-like symptoms without a concussion. He was just draining his body too heavily, too fast,

and he had to stop. And then there was a 155, a 145 fight. He's missed three or four fights in a row. Yes, two. And then there was a 145 after that. And because of what he'd just done to himself like a month and a half, two months before, he went into it again.

And now it's like, as of this moment, it's like two days before weigh-in. It's like, what the fuck happens if he doesn't make it? I'll tell you what's going to happen. It'll be an interim title. Because there's a guy, I don't remember who the fighter is that they have, like in case someone doesn't make it. But they have a guy. They've got a guy. Yeah, so people don't know.

Usually they don't do this. In the UFC, typically you get paid to show and you get paid to win. And they have a standby guy who's a championship level guy. Like, you know, maybe you could throw him in there if one of them doesn't make it. And he's getting paid to show. Even if he doesn't fight, all he has to do is make weight and be there. And they're paying this guy his show money.

And if one of the fighters drops out, then he gets that chance. So, yeah. And if he doesn't make weight out then he gets that chance. And if he doesn't make weight again I really think he's missed two in a row maybe? It's two in a row. And then a third would be the other one. It might be more than you're saying though. I think it might be three in a row

if you count the Khabib thing. I thought it was two but you never know.'re right you're definitely right about the five round last thing but in any case like like i like max holloway incredibly talented guy you know rep in hawaii got a got a really strong fan base uh and he's a talented fighter and he's got some cool tattoos right but he better make weight or it's gonna start looking bad dana's saying he needs to go to 155. Like, stop all this. Go lightweight.

You know what they need to do? They need to put that 165 fucking weight class in there, man. That's going to open everything up. Then you get all kinds of cool super fights. Because they're going to kill the 125 weight class. They're doing that. After Henry Cejudo fights TJ Dillashaw next month, they're going to kill that class.

DJ Dillashaw next month, they're going to kill that class. 165, you could end up with a Ben Askren Habib Nurmagomedov fucking showdown for that belt. Oh, I'd love that. It might be four in a row he's missed, but they're not on weight.

Three in a row for weight, one of them was short notice, and one of them was a leg injury. Yeah, okay. Goddamn God damn well that ain't good Not what you like to see out of your champ Yeah I do like the guy But yeah anyway I gotta see that I have a new thing

If we're done watching Black ladies get ran over by cars Oh I was wondering what it was that Brett Favre says. Who else got caught in this net, by the way? Soldier Boy. Really?

I can't find the video. Oh, I got it. This video is unavailable. Me too. This was up earlier tonight. Yeah, we can't have fun. We can never win one. We can't laugh at Brett Favre and Soldier Boy getting tricked into saying something shitty.

What did they... Don't tell me because I want to know what they actually said. Oh my god, I hope I can find it because it's hilarious. I'm only finding CBS videos and I'm not looking for... Yeah, I'm skipping through the CBS to see if it... Oh my god, it cuts it up i'll find one

yeah i got it i got it do you yeah did you search for brett farve anti-semitic uh brett farve that's what i did because cameo is the website so a little bit of backstory before we watch this we've discussed cameo before on the show cameo was the website where there are celebrities of all sorts and sizes who for an amount of money will make like a shout out video for you personalized right they'll say happy birthday taylor good luck with the new house and for you know five hundred dollars you can get like a pretty high-end celebrity to say that shit like someone you've heard of i was thinking taylor would be really funny there's there's a couple of blackhawk legends on there i don't know their names because but you'd know them like like retired like blackhawk

like stanley cup winners i thought it'd be funny to get one of them and be like taylor just give up your team is never gonna win you fucking loser a loser is a loser is a loser. They call him the St. Louis News, you fucking idiot. Exactly. Give it up. Support a real franchise like the Chicago Blackhawks. Yeah, that's how most hockey players sound. You know we play hockey down here.

You know, am I telling a hockey player to do that? Yeah. Oh, go ahead. I didn't see it. I'm on edge. So essentially what happened here was someone paid Brett Favre for a shout-out video, and they got him to say all of this stuff. He has no idea what he's saying, and some of you may not either.

But pay attention to the things he says. Ready, set, play. Brett Favre here with a shout out to the Handsome Truth and the GDL boys. You guys are patriots in my eyes. No. So keep waking them up. And don't let the small get you down. Keep fighting too.

And don't ever forget the USS Liberty and the men and women who died on that day God bless and take care Alright Someone's going to have to break this down GDL boys GDL boys Are a white supremacist group The phrase is

Don't let the small get you down And keep fighting the fight Are dog whistle, white supremacist buzz, like, like buzzwords, buzz phrases. The USS Liberty was a ship that in 1967, a US ship that was attacked by Israel. All right. This is all anti-Semitic racist shit. The smalls are the smalls are their yarmulkes. That's what he's talking about, right? Don't let the Smalls mean...

Is the Smalls really a yarmulke thing? Yes, that's what they're referring to. And the GDL is the Goyim Defense League. I'm up... Because I'm so not racist. I'm up on all my racist terminology thanks to the Southern whatever poverty law center.

But yeah. As a member of the No Hate 88, I can say for sure. Yeah. In California, they play a big siren every couple of hours so you sit down and read up on the latest developments in racism all over um america it's the don't let the yarmulkes keep you down the survivors for the uss liberty

was a ship that israeli that israel accidentally shot so they got him to say it with like the somberness that he's that he's uh's eulogizing some kind of a war veteran. But if somebody gave me $500 and said to read that passage, I wouldn't think twice. I'd be like, yeah, GDL, I don't fucking care what that is. The small, that must be like a sports team rep or whatever. Must be paying homage to people who died on a ship. I wouldn't read that without the context and know that

anything was off, would you? I mean, yes, but because I'm assuming everything's trying to fuck with me. What did they think would happen? What if you had eight or nine of those to do? And you do every week, like your agent sends you eight or nine of these, right? And you're like reading off a fucking like screen like don't let the small keep you down

shout out to the gdl boys the anti-jew task force the kkk of memphis the civil war monuments of slave owners protection society Wait a goddamn minute. Hmm. Like a page for the GDL. Like I can't even Google these people. Yeah. No one, no one would know this. Shout out to Auschwitz commandant Gunther. Gunther, the jew slayer having time a real patriot in his own time who's only been downtrodden by history due to the lies of those small hat wearing jews i mean even like

it'd be almost less obvious if there was, like, reading, like, the Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. You know, like reading Uncle Ted's fucking manifesto. I wish they had somehow gotten him to do the Nazi salute. Like, somehow. And they were this tall. They were approximately three and a half feet tall. And then show it because some of our members are deaf. So we want you to show how tall they were.

And Mr. Farr, if you could please do the Coast Guard salute, which is a flat hand from the brow and straight out to remember the men of the USS Liberty. That is, of course, the Coast Guard salute. As you know, sir, I'm sure, as a patriot. Well, all right, then. Yeah, I knew that shit. That's one of those things that might fool me. Like if a real Coast Guard guy was like, all right, you're going to do the Coast Guard salute,

flat palm, and then extend to the heavens. Like if you knew I was in the position for for a second they'd be like fuck you got me oh that's so fucking i i'm sure he's not getting any trouble for this or any backlash or whatever but it's still funny that he was made a bit of a fool of in in this way and it like obviously racism is not funny but this is funny this way. And obviously racism's not funny. But this is funny. This is hilarious. It's so funny how serious he's being.

Other than Marvin Solds, who got bamboozled by this? That's it. Oh, that sucks. That'd be hilarious if it was someone like Kathy Griffin or, I don't know, Neil DeGrasse, Neil Tyson DeGrasse. Yeah, I would love that if they got Neil Tyson Degrass. Do you get your money back if they don't read it?

They both sound right to me. They all sound good. And Kyle used to say Degrassay or Degrassi or something. I don't know if that was a goof or what. You know what? You say tomato, I say tomato. No, we say tomato. You say tomato, I say tomato. No, we say tomato. You say

temeco? Yeah. It's hard. And in my head, it always starts off the same way. It's like, well, I'll just get close and then it'll help us arrive at the right guy as a group. But that's never how it goes down. So add an ad.

I'll just get close. Oh, I have the gist. I love that clip. Someone linked Chiz. Chiz found that earlier this week, I think. Maybe he was the first person that I knew that found it, and we were just having a real laugh about that. I like Brett Favre.

I really wanted him to win that last Super Bowl he was in. That would have been one of those movie-style movies. Sounds about right. I want to say he threw a pick for the end of the game. I want to say his last throw was an interception. You might be right, but it was a tough spot too. He really had to be the hero on a final drive, so they were making risky plays.

Yeah, that's where champions are made, baby. That's where if you want a legacy that lasts Another 50 years Go out there as 40-year-old Brett Favre Or whatever he was at the time And fucking, you know, two-minute Two-minute drive Down by three and fucking score that Did John Elway do that? I want to say he might have

I don't know football history You know, they're all interchangeable To me. I've watched a bunch of highlights And shit like that, and I follow the teams I like when I liked them, but I don't know much football history at all. John A. Witt went out on a Super Bowl win. I'm not positive he had a last-minute drive to go out on. Yeah.

Do you want to see my topic? I've had it for a while now. Yeah. Taylor, are you going to have a bunch of NFL superstar fatheads in your garage in your new place in your workout room that could really inspire you. I'm going to have nothing but NFL player fatheads on my wall. And then I've already planned like for when I'm bench pressing in the garage, I'm going to have motivational

posters like that one of the cat trying to get on the counter. Why don't you think? Because I'll think if that if this cat can get to that counter, I can bench this like that's what I to that counter, I can bench this. Like, that's how I'm going to do it. That or, like, a scary picture. Something that, like, motivates me to get away. I was thinking that one of that naked girl in Vietnam who's trying to run away from Agent Orange. Jesus Christ.

That was motivating. It would both make me think, you've got it pretty good, and also make me think, work out like you're running from Agent Orange. Like the Tiananmen Square guy? Tiananmen Square guy? I'm going to photoshop it. Just run, man! Just run, dude! You got it! Dude, that guy is so fucking dead.

He was dead like three minutes after that picture was taken, right? I thought it was alive. Well, I made that up just now. I was just saying it seems likely that China wouldn't follow them. I think they didn't identify him, and no one ever identified him. No one gave him up, and he's around somewhere. Good for him. Man, it's hard to keep 1.8 billion people quiet.

They don't all know him. Oh, no, no, that's not what happened. The fucking Chinese government took him. That sounds more right to me. That's like the um all right, so here's it's China's fucking evil You stay in the right in front of the tank you make us waste gas you make us look like fool No longer we put you in prison for life Stage what's the um help me here Taylor? What's that? five six with black hair

yellow skin who's that guy find him uh who's the um the religious leader um for the um the the buddhists like oh the wait like the dalai lama the Lama. All right, so I hope I don't get any of this wrong. I'm pretty solid on these facts. So I want to say the way it works is, like, at some point, the Dalai Lama finds who's going to be the new Dalai Lama. Like, he finds a child, and he's like, ah, this is who I'll be reincarnated into. Well, that happened, okay, years and years ago. Like, they knew who was going to be the next Dalai Lama. China grabbed that kid up, and he has never been seen again.

You know, I don't see this about the Dalai Lama, but we better take him just to be safe. China grabbed that kid up, and he's never been seen since. And that's not an exaggeration. Who knows if he's dead, if he's living in some sort of pseudo-witness protection. I don't know, keep him for seven years or so, and now they won't recognize him. Yeah, just keep him away from that weird cult that wants to take a child. They stole all Dalai Lama. What'd he look like?

Well, he 5'6", black hair. He loved rice. Oh, by the way, Tank... You know, some people are picturing him like the poor llama kid in the basement somewhere, like just getting prodded with cattle prods. They're like, they tell us you're a powerful wizard. You do nothing since you come here

tank man also known as the unknown processor or the unknown rebel still unidentified no one knows what happened to him you know if they got him then his family never talked about it or anything oh they got them too man okay

that's like Kim Jong Un or one of those North Korean leaders like get someone where it's like kim jong-un or one of those north korean leaders like get someone where it's like it's not like well there were records of them it's just like oh no these people never existed they never were like they just wipe them off the map they don't know what happened to the tank crew either like there's no there's no word about that The people that stopped and didn't run him over. The guy who took the picture. Yeah. I don't know. That's funny. The tank team got reprimanded.

Oh, I bet. It was like, you fucking stopped? You fucking stopped my tank in my road? Tell your families to show up tomorrow. We'll find them. If you could be dictator of any country that's not the US, which one would you

be dictator of? Oh man, I think you want to run Canada and be dictator up there because you've got the US down there to protect you from any serious threats, but you are the fucking ice king up there and nobody's's gonna fuck with you. You're the king in the north. Yeah, I would make people

say that shit. I would make them say it, and if anybody smirked during the king of the north chants when I walked out with my Jon Snow-style furry-collared robes and shit, one smirk, and we put you on that fucking ice float and push you

out to sea like the goddamn eskimos used to that's it for you buddy it and i'm carrying a sword i'm the king of the north okay kyle's crazy you have a short reign probably i'm the king in the north taylor canada would be a really good place to rule like that because if anybody ever did invade i feel like they'd get five miles in and be like we don't even want this right right there's canadians listening taylor fuck those fucking canadians i think you get real weird in one of those african countries A little like Black Panther Zamuda African country People don't even know what the name is You could pretend like you don't know

American culture Dress everybody up in old Knicks uniforms Really go nuts I feel like the percentage of people listening to Who can find Senegal on a map Is so low that if I'm the king of Senegal, I can do anything I want. And you might think to yourself, but Woody, that's a poor country.

Why would you want to be king of such a shithole? One, don't assume it's a shithole country. And two, it's not a shithole country for me, right? I'm rich. Every place is nice for me. which every place is nice for me. I would feel really good being so much richer than these people. Whereas in like America, if you're the emperor,

you're not doing, everybody's got an iPhone. You still have an iPhone, but over there, you know, everybody only lives a little like 35. If I'm King of Senegal, then I'm still fine.

Right. I don't have to worry. Like I'll get Amazon to deliver overnight. We'll make it happen I was very wary of King Dick initially but then when I received my brand Nick's gear I was sold on his policies

I'll be pirating shit over there they'll see movies and everything like release Star Wars like I fucking made this Star Wars you guys you know that I'll be taking credit for stuff Woody blew the national budget on getting faster internet for his castle

they also have low expectations you take over Canada those people have very high expectations they want things that are not even possible you go to Africa they're like well I mean what are you gonna do the last guy was just killing everybody all the time you gonna do that

I'll think about it nothing for us but this man Dick Well, I mean, what are you going to do? The last guy was just killing everybody all the time. Are you going to do that? I'll think about it. Now, the best rule is nothing for us, but this man Dick, this great man Dick, he provide each of us. I do not know if you know. It's called a Twix bar. We get three a year,

as well as brand new Knicks gear, the 2016 champions, Knicks. They were not the two. We could have a Disneyland. I'll open up a nice shitty Disneyland for them. It doesn't have to be that good. Kind of crummy. But I know what Disneyland looks like. Yeah.

It will look good for them. I feel like it's like dating a fat girl. I'll think they will appreciate me a lot more than any other country in the world if I was dictator. They would be, they're like, you know what? That guy Dick, we get it. Our country kind of sucks. Those other guys on the PK show would have been dictators somewhere else, but he just, he just wanted to come here and we respect that.

And you think that would win them to your side? Yeah. Every LeBron's in LA. Fuck LeBron, right? That doesn't make me, if he went somewhere where, where it's,

where it would be a sacrifice, that's respectable. Ah, so if LeBron went to like the Minnesota Timberwolves, he would really embrace there. Yeah. That's what I want. You know, I see where you're coming from on this, and I don't see a flaw in your theory.

Thank you. Then in that case, Mongolia would be good. Mongolia is nice. It's got fewer roads. Yeah. But they have main roads and stuff. It's still totally no match. Hell, if you just made the dirt roads have fewer ruts in them,

you'd be a king. Yeah. I would do a Mongolian. I don't know how they speak Chinese, though. They speak Chinese in Mongolia? I don't know. I think they speak Mongolian in Mongolia.

They both sound right to me. Even the Chinese don't. The Chinese speak two different languages, just to be fair. Lots of languages. Yeah, Cantonese and Mandarin. Yeah, Mongolia, they speak Mongolian. The more you know. Well, let me tell everyone a little bit about movement.

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the lens just seemed like it was so soft. It was soft. It was as soft as my goddamn eyeball. But, uh, these things don't seem to scratch. Maybe it's because the lens is set a little bit inside of the frame or maybe it's just because it's a better lens.

I don't know. But they work really nicely. They look really good. And I'm a fan. I really am. Check them out. I like the fact that you used the hardness of an eyeball as your metric, right? Yeah.

That could catch on. Like these glasses are four eyeballs hard. I think that's how Fahrenheit was invented. It absolutely is. They scratch like a hard-boiled egg. They were just no good. New ones are great. Check them out. Better than a baby's ass.

I'm sick of saying, oh, it's softer than a baby's ass. I don't want to hear about a baby's ass. Think about a baby's ass. Tell me more about this baby. Soft as an eyeball. Don't be weird. You know what would be funnier? When you saw a hot woman, someone was like, man, that's sexier than the baby's ass.

Like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Those are some nice wheels you got. That's tighter than a baby's ass. Thanks. Man, my girl, she got an ass like a baby That's cause she's six months old What?

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supposed to change your toothbrush every three weeks and not three months so I was dating this girl who um she needed a toothbrush she was over at my place and I was like oh here I pulled out of this giant pack of toothbrushes I'm like here you go why do you have so many toothbrushes well you know

every three weeks oh honey that's three months toothbrushes. I'm like, here you go. Why do you have so many toothbrushes? Well, you know, swabbing out. It's like, oh, honey, that's three months. What are you doing? Do you feel like an ass? Yeah, kind of. I found the nearest dentist and robbed him. Give me that back. You know, toothbrush every three weeks

so it'll change every 50,000 miles. That's how it works. I like older toothbrushes. I might be crazy, but you know, toothbrush every three weeks, so it'll change every 50,000 miles. That's how it works. I like older toothbrushes. I might be crazy, but once you bite on them a little bit and their bristles are coming out to the side, they're nice and worn, that's when you get the show. No. What? I like a fucked up toothbrush. Look, I have great dental.

I have a class A mouth according to my dentist. I don't mean to show off, but hey. And yeah, once the toothbrush is really fucked up, I feel like I can get all the nooks and crannies a little better. God, I know we're just doing

a tooth filling, but you want some nitrous? Puts nitrous on you and then he like calls his Look at the mouth on this guy sees Like a champion can you imagine sliding your dick in and out of this man's mouth while he's lying unconscious Dude you know what I'm gonna fill it bring'm gonna bring this sweet ass lap mouth and these big fat lips back you're like yeah he's been coming here for a while you want to hit what uh what's his name does um the guy from breaking bad tim watley and celebrate before he does it. You anti-stint-tied bastard. Okay, that whole anti-Semitic Brett Favre thing got me thinking. What is some dog-whistley, wildly inappropriate thing we can get a celebrity to say?

If they refund the money if they don't say it Shouldn't we all just be doing that constantly now Trying to get them to say outrageous They can't possibly screen that many I was looking at some of the celebrities And I honestly didn't see anybody I wanted to say shit Like I saw Jake the Snake And I enjoyed his Joe Rogan

Appearance And I was like ah I'm going to pay Jake the Snake whatever it costs We're going to get him to say something silly I wanted to do his macho man impression And then I. And I was like, ah, I'm going to pay Jake Snake whatever it costs. We're going to get him to say something silly. I wanted to do his Macho Man impression. And then I looked, and it's like not available. Apparently, he's Mr. Big Shot now. He doesn't need any fucking cameo money or something like that. But I didn't really see anybody else.

But Brett Favre does? Yeah. He's not selling rankings anymore. You know what we could do? We could have some, like one of us or a fan or someone could pay them. And like Brett Favre could say something like, not only do I watch PKA, it's my favorite show and I love their stances. It's better than a baby's ass. It's better than a tighter than a baby's ass.

Yeah, I was trying to go for it. Was it tighter? Better? It's not smoother. I don't know if tighter fits uh hotter it's wetter than a baby's ass after a long day in the stroller no powder sorry if i'm like talking over you guys or anything this show. My internet has been total shit since our snowstorm last week. It hasn't recovered. You've been good, I think.

Dick, what's new in your world? What do you got going on? Well, I read last week. I read the restraining order courtroom transcripts that my girlfriend got against Maddox's now ex-girlfriend. That was pretty funny. I had a whole super team of lawyers and Argentinians call in and read that. And then I read every page of the defense. What was that, Taylor?

Ex-girlfriend now? Yeah, yeah. They split up. Maddox lost his girlfriend and his lawyer at the same time. I'm very confused. So your, your girlfriend, one of the reasons Maddox is upset with you is your girlfriend used to be his girlfriend.

She, she went for the upgrade. Yeah. And then he got a new girlfriend. And why does that new girlfriend have beef with your girlfriend? Well, um, the new girlfriend, beef with your girlfriend well um the new girlfriend mental jess maddox is maddox's new girlfriend she called my girlfriend's school where she works and uh listed a bunch of reasons why she should be fired um okay that's the quick

version so i told my girlfriend before that happened like hey go in and talk to your go in and talk to your principal because i got an email saying if i don't stop making fun of maddox they're going to call your school and they're going to call every teacher and parent in the directory of your school and tell them what i'm doing and that is go ahead that wow so they're they're attacking your girlfriend hard for things that you do i think that's that's inappropriate well it's yeah it's kind of when the whole thing started um they were going after pretty much everyone i knew like my my company my the marketing company i founded with two other guys got sued for 20 million bucks in the lawsuit. They didn't do shit.

Some of the some of the assholes on Maddox's network will do entire shows like dedicated to or they used they used to do this a lot. But after after the lawsuit and after after my two years of dealing with with this i think i punched a lot of the starch out of maddox like he came out strong and he would do like entire uh episodes dedicated to like shitting on my family and putting pictures on which is i don't care if people shit on me because i think it's funny but like when you didn't when you didn't spend the last 10 years on the internet of your life being an asshole, it's a crappy feeling. So he was attacking your family? I wasn't even familiar with that. Yeah, and I don't like to cry cyberbullying because at the end of the day...

Because you're a Republican. Yeah. My family doesn't give a fuck. They laugh it off. My mom doesn't laugh it off, but everybody else pretty much laughs it off. An email came through saying to me, saying, hey, if you don't knock this shit off, we're going to call your girlfriend's school and all the parents and all the teachers. And we're going to let her know, let them know what you're doing, meaning me. We're going to let her know, let them know what you're doing, meaning me. And even though I'm doing nothing, I'm sure everyone realizes full well that any kind of association with someone like myself would be a death sentence. Like you're a social pariah.

Your fucking career is over in normie world because for obvious reasons. Because for obvious reasons. So I said, go to your school, go to your principal and get out in front of this. Like, tell them that this is going to happen because it's going to happen because I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing. Obviously. So she did and they sat him down and people are much more understanding when you come at the first story is the one that is the true one. Right. Yeah. So she told him what happened. And of course, as exactly as I predicted and she told them it happened, the call came through.

The call came through and listed a whole bunch of reasons why my girlfriend should not be a teacher and shouldn't be around kids and it listed a bunch of like fake psychiatric conditions or uh well just bullshit the kind of stuff you'd say if you were trying to get somebody fired and the person calling very stupidly the secretary said well who is this in case we have questions in case we have more questions to ask you who is this and what's your phone number fucking girl gave her name and phone number to him jessica yeah she said oh it's jessica and here's my number it's fucking yeah exactly so i tell this story on the show and a guy listening to the show happens to be a criminal defense lawyer slash restraining order guy and he's like oh yeah give me a call we'll we'll talk about it bring her in like i do this all the fucking time this is my job like this is literally all i do all day every day so we went in there and uh took a it took a while a couple of months to get the

restraining order going um it's a whole saga in and of itself we had to serve we had to we i got a friend of mine who's a paparazzi an ex-paparazzi to serve maddox with a bouquet of roses knock on the door knock on his door because i know where the motherfucker lives and he's like oh yeah hey is your girlfriend here is jessica here and she came out screaming on the phone about the restraining order that was getting filed against her and he's like oh yeah uh she goes oh are those for me and he goes yep you're being served and handed her the the service envelope that you got to show up in the court to defend yourself you know i'm funny everybody has their own flair i guess uh so the court in court it was it was a good i don't know it was a good uh good 20 minutes of this chick trying to defend herself.

She admits right away that she made the call and then spends the rest of it trying to justify that what she did was in good faith. She begs the court to let her boyfriend in, Maddox, so he can explain it. We read through the whole thing and then did he get to explain it or did the court just say no of course said no fuck you uh you don't we don't call people's jobs in this country if you got a problem with somebody call the police um the actual document the actual defense of the restraining order document is fascinating because it is all written about me from Maddox's point of view. And he included shit. He weirdly included emails that he sent his ex citing them as evidence of, of, uh, of psychiatric conditions. However, he didn't redact anything.

So it's like he included all these emails begging her to get back with him and saying how he goes to her new apartment and she wouldn't let him in. He goes over all this psycho ex-stalker shit that he did, and as

stupid as he is, he just included it in the defense. So we had a good time with that. So is Maddox having any luck with it? Because I hear your perspective of it. And it's always like, oh, my God, this guy is crazy. This guy is losing at every turn. Like nothing is going his way.

Is anything going his way that we haven't covered? Like it is. Oh, no. He just got. Let's see. It just got decided that he owes asterios coconuts you guys know him right yeah he was on the show yeah he's fucking great and fuck him because i guess he beat me in the poll of who's the favorite pka guest on your fucking subreddit which did

which definitely pissed me off well uh oh that that, that unofficial bootleg poll? We'll need to conscript them to do another one. Just kidding. You guys need to start having voter IDs for those polls. Asterios is now owed $290 from filing fees for Maddox.

That's it? Isn't Asterios out like five digits from all this legal stuff yes yes he's out thirty six thousand dollars or something like that and he's out uh thirty five thousand seven hundred and ten dollars now so you are in finance um that was only for the filing fee for the initial dismissal so hysterios has sanctions coming up uh which is uh sanctions are for maddox his ex-lawyer kevin landau this guy this lawyer who the scumbag lawyer who's got an interlock device on his car because he's been caught drinking and driving so much which i'm not one to talk for drinking and driving,

but I think getting caught is different. Getting caught three times and then failing the interlock thing, that's a very different level of drinking and driving. Anyway, Maddox, Kevin Landau, and this ex-girlfriend with the restraining order, they're all due back in court in new york to defend themselves against sanctions for um for costing a stereosis job and which could be who knows what he could get all his money back in one fell swoop it's gonna be great maddox have

that kind of money no absolutely not well it's hard to get his money back. Speaking of that, that $290 that Asterios just got, I think that he's selling bonds on it. I think that he's going to be selling, in order to get the debt, you've got to sue people to get the money that they owe you. So Asterios doesn't have money to spend on chasing after his $290. I think he's going to sell shares of his $290 to fans who can then go pursue Maddox for their share of whatever debt they purchased from Mysterios. So I'm excited about that. Yeah. I really like your fan involvement. That's hilarious. The show is the fans.

The show is all the fans are fucking crazy what do they call them dickheads that's good speaking of the ranking thing is your ranking list in like first to last place order on your site yeah I think you're on top

I'm winning you're number one that's not a surprise I think you're on top. I'm winning. You're number one. That's not a surprise. I'm number one on Dick.show for my rage. So there you go, guys. Just goes to show, if you put your mind to anything and you spend four minutes before the podcast trying to finish your shit and thinking of something funny to say, you can achieve

anything. What did you rage about? Shit, what did I? Oh, I remember. I was mad. Happy fall, y'all. Taylor talked about getting dragged to all these pumpkin patches and festivals with this girlfriend who's got, I think it was your girlfriend, who's got happy, who put the cherry on the shit holiday Sunday with this ticky tacky CVS mass produced decorations of Happy Fall, y'all. Exactly. That was part of the rage. Mainly, I was really upset by

having to go to a pumpkin patch hungover as fuck on a Saturday morning because apparently all the Walmart pumpkins aren't okay. Like, you have to drive 50 minutes through East STL to get there, and it's just a shithole. And then spend like $40. When we went up to

check out with the pumpkins and we like put it on a scale this fucking bootleg scale with that scammy 16 year old's thumb on it and they're like all right well that's uh that's 20 pounds of pumpkins it'll be 45 i wanted i wanted to just say no like no i'm not i'm absolutely not paying 45 for two pumpkins you fucking you fucking crook you asshole and uh and they still didn't charge me 45 for the pumpkins yeah well you know you get to pay for the experience of picking your own pumpkin it's not a fun experience was my point is it's it's enraging to be like it would be like me going to you woody it's like hey it's it's cinco de mayo there's a place two hours from here that has a great burrito and I'd love to take

you there and spend all day doing it I love not just some of the day I'd love to spend your whole day Woody your whole day doing and then you're like actually there's a Chipotle right down the road there's actually a Mexican place 20 minutes like no no no there's a place two hours away and that's where I want my burrito from and And then being a good boyfriend to me, Woody, you would say, okay, let's do this. You take, when you go to blues games and stuff for me and you watch me get aggravated at my shit to your team, you know, I owe you this.

I think the real hallmark of a quality boyfriend is to fuss and complain about it for months afterwards. Yeah. I don't do it to her. Well, yeah, she needs to pay. She needs to pay. How will she learn if you don't, if you don't like really to her She needs to pay How will she learn If you don't really just drag this topic up Every time she's fussy

Then next year There's just going to be another happy fall Y'all two and three Because like we got there Pretty soon you'll have a storage container full of it She bought me a beer And she bought the pumpkins. And so all I had to do, and she even drove, to be fair to her.

So I just had to attend, basically. But even then, it was like, God, all the things. I could be sitting at home doing nothing right now. I'm missing out. I don't see why we're being fair to her. She foiled you, and she needs to pay the piper. That was a good one, too. I was talking to Dick about decorating your home.

And as I sit here now, there's a Christmas tree right there. And there are still cobwebs with spiders between my hanging kitchen light. And I'm telling her, you got to take down the Halloween stuff. And she's like, well, I'm not tall enough to reach all that. And it's like, I got to take down the Halloween stuff, I guess. Who put it up? But then I very graciously allowed her quite a bit of decorating Autonomy and then she snuck in with a happy fall y'all

pumpkin with sparkles on the side and like like I can't even articulate the like The the pouring away and leaving of masculinity I felt when I saw in my own home one day when she wasn't even here walking in and seeing fucking happy fall y'all over there. I literally hit it. She still doesn't know where happy fall y'all is. And I'm not telling her because it's in the trash. Is it really? It's the talking.

I don't want to have to interrupt. I'm fine with the decorations, but don't make me interact with them. Don't make me look them in the eye. See, I took Dick's advice on the show because the second I brought up the happy fall y'all thing, he's like, throw that away. You have to burn it in effigy. Save yourself from what's coming.

And I immediately, after I finished recording, I'm like, you know what? Dick's right. Dick's right. I'm throwing this away. And I went over, threw it away. And the next time she comes over, and she's like, where's the happy fall, y'all pumpkin? I was like, I don't know. I must have misplaced it.

I'm drawing a hard line on the decorating around here. So Christmas is coming, right? And this house takes a lot of Christmas decorations. Otherwise, it looks like you just did a token effort. And my God. I mean, it takes over an just did a token effort. And my God. I mean, it takes over an hour to get the Christmas decorations. Maybe two hours to get the Christmas decorations out of the attic.

And it could be between 20 and 25 cubic yards of Christmas decorations. It's filling the Game of Thrones. She's been working at this full time for ages and then she fussed at me for like painting the garage and cleaning and reorganizing it when I could have spent that time doing Christmas decorations, but they aren't my priority. I'm not

telling her she can't do what she wants to but I'm certainly not fussing at her for not doing what I want her to. Does this make sense? Why would I be a Christmas decoration person? Totally. I don't give a fuck. She signed up for it.

Oh, and then that apparently is bad too. You know, like if I walk in the room and don't notice that there's like 12 new things put somewhere or other, then it's like, did you see? Did you see? Like I,

and she's put a lot of effort into it. A lot of these Christmas decorations are like homemade or like maybe they started as a plain ornament, but now they're all like hot glued and glittered or something beyond what they were at once and it's just not my priority there is nothing more enraging than the pace at which women want to put ornaments on a tree because they want to play the brain endlessly splay the branches like i i knew that we were working out the other day and she went to go take a shower because she finished before me and i was like all right i'm cutting out the rest of my workout i'm putting this tree together while

she's in the shower so i got the whole thing put together real quick and like like half ass splayed the branches enough because i knew that she'd want to be over there like, well, it looks a little empty over here, doing that kind of thing. And then she bought a giant bucket of blue and silver and white, just regular round ornaments. A giant bucket? How many cubic

yards did you get? How many dead bodies of buckets did you get? Taylor, a giant. You're adorable. Storage container, Taylor. Storage container. If you're not stacking storage containers. For sure.

But I was on there, and I kept hanging them up super fast because I wanted to get it over with. And so I was like, boom, boom, boom here. And she kept going and like retrofitting all of my decisions like well you've got you've got two of the metallic blue over here and you want a white one here not a whole field of metallic blue and then all the white on the other side and like whatever but just just i just get it done and uh and so i kept i ruined the tree and then she bought she bought me an ornament. Let me grab it.

See, in Africa, Christmas doesn't work this way in my African country. It's you come home. I do like the ornament. Now, that's actually pretty cool. I like that ornament. I would put it front and center of one of our five trees no it's true are you shitting right now i'm counting a tree that's actually just like a spiral that you hang ornaments from it's metal so it's that we have like four we inherited two more trees from her

mother-in-law passed last year but they emptied the house over the year and and uh yeah we just have so many trees like yeah sounds so shitty you have to deal with five trees we have christmas trees on the front porch we've got christmas trees in the southern sun room we've got one or two christmas trees in the game of thrones room currently we have a christmas tree in the chocolate i'm not even sure where all the christmas trees are or if they trees in the Game of Thrones room currently. We have a Christmas tree in the chocolate. I'm not even sure where all the Christmas trees are or if they're in their final places. Oh, I wanted to mention. Awesome buying.

I have a north sunroom. I don't have an east, west, or south sunroom, but I have a north. So you're disambiguating it just in case you get more sunrooms. Okay. Yes, I have a quarter of what you've got. We only have the two sunrooms. We just call them the southern and the western sunrooms.

Well, I hate Christmas trees. I think they're fucking stupid unless you have little children and a real waste of time. And I'll have none of that. But let me tell you about Get Quip. I already did. Let me tell you about Monster Energy Espresso. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Get Quip. I already did. Let me tell you about Monster Energy Espresso. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Monster Energy's delicious

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Check them out. Very tasty. Excellent. Gives you lots of pep. Yeah, I got a pile of them over here. Big fan. Kyle's a big fan. How's your vodka and pineapple mango, whatever the hell you're drinking, juice?

Yeah. Yeah, that was a big glass of vodka I drank there. Man, how do you drink so much and only eat once a day? Were you saying you have one meal a day? Yeah, yeah. Lately it's been Indian food. It's terrible. I can't believe that.

When I drink, I wake up like a werewolf with just wrappers around me and crumbs. It puts me right to sleep, usually. That wasn't enough to put me to sleep. Oftentimes, I'll drink late at night. Sometimes my meal is at

1 in the morning or 2 in the morning. I haven't eaten all day. I'll get myself some Indian food out of the fridge, some nice chicken vindaloo, spicy as fuck, or some tikka masala, also spicy as fuck. Get some garlic naan bread, heat that shit up. Get myself a nice big old glass of vodka and get good and fucked up

and then eat all that crazy spicy food and then just pass the fuck right out. Do you ever, like, Dick, you were mentioning this. Do you ever, like, drink quite a bit, get home for the evening, and then, you know, watch TV or whatever you do. And the next morning you wake up and you think, like, hey, you know what? I really wasn't that bad last night. Like, I had you, like, try and, like, calorie count the drinks you had. And then you'll walk outside back into your living room and be like oh no

and there's like a pizza you don't remember and like wings i did that i did that once where i came out and i saw an empty pizza box and empty chinese food and i had and like for a while i was like oh you had company over last night and then like four hours later i was like, oh, you had company over last night. And then like four hours later, I was like, no, you didn't. You ate a whole pizza and then ordered Chinese food and ate that. You fucking fat fuck. No, I never drink so much that there's mystery food or anything. Oh, yeah. I usually drink my way into mystery food before.

Like drunk Taylor eats like an asshole and he ruins it for sober taylor the next morning i don't continuously drink though like like i think that maybe what you're doing is like having a drink and drinking it and then getting another and another and another and another and then well things can get carried away that way so what i do is i get myself you know like one of these glasses like this like half of juice, and another one half full of vodka. And then I... See, I can't do that. That gets me drunk way too fast.

That's what I'm going for. Yeah. What about when you run out? Run out of what? Of the glass of vodka. Then you've got to get another one. No, once I finish that whole glass... I'm talking about literally filling this up.

It's like four shots. Like four or five shots. Yeah. Earlier did you know it was pretty much half full you know it's this is a this is not a small glass it's it's four or five shots of vodka so you just shoot that down real quick and i'm blitzed in five minutes and i'm you know if i go back for a little bit more if i'm like you know i can still walk straight and I go back and get myself like one more now I can't walk straight and that's curry zone that you gauge based on your walking ability where am I

going no I just like what are you a decathlete like if I drink so much and then like I stand up and I'm like whoa oh I drink whatever will I do tonight at my walking contest

I'm gonna suck it Twister I'm drinking to get drunk and then I'm gonna eat my delicious curry and I'm gonna watch some shitty TV I watched Predator last night the Predator the new one it's shit.

Wait. I'm not familiar with this. Is it like the Arnold Schwarzenegger remake? Is it a TV show? It's a brand new movie. It's a brand new movie written by Shane Black who was in the first Predator who's also written a lot of really good films. He's a good action writer.

It is so fucking bad. Here's the premise you're gonna think i'm kidding you're gonna think i'm being silly the premises the predators those uh the the the yautja i think is what the species is called but called but that doesn't matter um they have been going to every planet in the galaxy and finding the most dominant species there, the most wily, aggressive, dangerous species, and sampling their DNA for generations now. And then applying it to themselves to hybridize their species and become bigger and better, smarter, faster. And for a time, they used our DNA. But in other places, maybe they found some giant race of people and they needed some of theirs.

And so they have come now to steal autism. Oh, what does that mean? It means they've come to kidnap an autistic child and apply his autistic DNA to their race to make themselves better. And this is the plot of the predator. Is it hard to do? I have an autistic kid, and I wouldn't normally make fun of it. But if a predator race came and wanted to apply autism to themselves, I think I'd say I support your efforts. Knock yourself out.

It's just a bunch of predators who just love my little pony. Can I interest you in some Down syndrome? You know? Soon you're going to be called the prey. They make autism... I like that one. They make autism seem like a goddamn

superpower in this movie, right? This kid's like, oh yeah, I understand alien languages now because I looked at it for 30 seconds. I can also memorize chess boards. I'm incredibly anti-social and scream a lot, but the government will use me at the end

of the movie to help them decipher the alien language and use their technology, I'm sure. You could totally tell that the studio came in and was like, ah, let's cut out 30 minutes and add 30 minutes of horse shit. Olivia Munn is in it, who, look. I like her. Yeah, terrible actress.

They cut all the predators there, dressed up on the orders of the autistic kid, but instead of capes, they're wearing weighted blankets. That's funny. They're soft! It makes me feel insane! So what,

she will fidget spinner? Does he read any Sonic fan art in the movie? It's so bad. Sonic fan fiction. Dude, Olivia Munn's terrible.

She's a terrible actress. She's sexiest. She's a terrible actress. She's bad at acting. She's a sexy woman to look at. I'd love to fuck her. I think she'd be a good podcaster.

She was good at... Attack of the Show. Yeah, sure. She's one of the many podcasts I listen to hosted by women that are hilarious. Yeah, that one. What's it called? It doesn't fucking exist.

Nikki Glaser's on a podcast, and she's funny. And it's bad. Oh. I've never seen it. I don't know who Nikki Glaser is or what she is. But Olivia Munn's garbage actress. Terrible at it. Her titties are lopsided and small, but she's very pretty, and I like watching her on camera.

Anyway, she goes from a biologist or something they bring in as like an alien biologist expert, even though she's never fucking seen one before, to immediately a hand-to-hand combat specialist with weapons training. Like she's shooting grenade launchers at spaceships. She's like shooting machine guns in the forest. She's jumping around doing silly shit. They can't figure out what the movie's about. It's like back and forth. around doing silly shit they can't figure out what the movie's about it's like back and forth is it is it a ragtag bunch of ptsd veterans or is it about this autistic kid and his halloween uh halloween night struggles with with fucking predators like there's fucking predator dogs

that that literally just stand there barking like it was clear that they cut out a bunch of shit because the predator dogs get there they show up as like this ultimate scary thing they're like wolf wolf and like the good guys i'll spray them down with machine guns that we never see them acquire like somehow they go from prisoners to like the the a team and they cut out the middle part where they acquire grenade launchers machine guns sniper rifles tactical gear if they just have it out of nowhere. It's garbage. Don't watch The Predator. I spent $19.95 last night on The Predator.

Wow, you must feel like an idiot. Like an idiot. An idiot. Kyle spends a lot on his video. It cost you money. Yeah. I'm not like some people stealing from content creators. Yeah, who are you looking for?

I will steal from any content creator. You got a mirror back there? Is that what you're looking for? Yeah. No, I pay for my content. And normally I don't like purchasing movies. Like I had been looking at this thing for like six days, waiting on it to go from $19.95 to $6 or $5 or whatever it's going to come down to for the rental.

it for to go from 1995 to six dollars or five dollars or whatever it's going to come down to for the rental but you know i had my glass of vodka and i had my curry they're all spicy and delicious and steaming hot and i was like i really want to watch a movie while i have this delicious meal here and i i've gone about as far in a designated survivor as a sane person with any kind of taste can go i'm like season 2 episode 15 and it's gone off the rails I heard it does that sassy Asian CIA FBI agent turns into fucking Clubber Lang by about season 2 I literally

this is no joke they end up in Cuba somehow her couple senators and like the White House chief of staff somehow are in Cuba get taken by a rebel group. She goes to the toilet, pries the floorboards loose, starts running through the jungle.

Two Cuban commandos have her at AK-47 gunpoint and she and takes the gun away, knocks them both unconscious. They lost me earlier in the season. I don't even like them. Let me finish this. It gets worse.

She beats them both up real good. A couple whacks to each one. They're unconscious. These are full-grown, burly jungle men. She weighs 120 pounds top. She's a skinny little angel. I don't even like when in movies they pretend women can do math.

What's she doing driving a car? So look, earlier in the series, like episode three of season one, she's hitting a heavy bag for exercise, and she's so uncoordinated with her pumping arm punches from shoulder level, it's embarrassing. And I remember thinking, well, yeah, it's just exercise. She's not supposed to be a combat specialist she's an analyst she's a she's an investigator now she beats these two men up she runs a little more and she gets captured again

and then they get her back to like the the cell that they're holding everybody in and the the leader of the rebel group is like she killed two of my best men. That's right. She beat them to death with that little show of hand-to-hand combat. She hit them like twice each with her bare hands and killed them both. And I was like, this is the last episode I'm watching. That's it. I'm out. I'm out because every episode The episode before she was in Afghanistan

With with with a Secret service agent off On their own hitting an IED roadside bomb They just hop out they're Fine I'm showing her while you're Like talking about how badass she is And yeah she she could

Weigh 110 yeah Skinny little girl and a fucking afghani sniper has them pinned down don't worry she kills him with the pistol i'm sure it's like watching a naked gun but really like leslie nielsen looking at his punches but like treating it like oh this is a serious movie i thought this was the naked gun on it was it's it look desert designated survivor season one is fine like you might enjoy it watch the first season turn it the fuck off after that because like then it just becomes a shitty version of the west wing with with a with a b plot that involves this asian girl being like not just james bond level james

bond doesn't do the shit she does it's so absurd and ridiculous and over the top she's always like right in the thick of a global conspiracy beaten up henchmen like grown men i was in the gas station today and i saw this big dude in front of me like i couldn't see the top of his head like like he's at least six three six four really much thicker wider than me and i was thinking like if i shoved that guy right now with everything i got i don't think he'd move very far these are the men that this woman is like wow and like killing i and i'm just thinking like i mean he doesn't even know what's coming He's got some Cheetos and a fucking Snapple. But I could barrel into that big motherfucker. I need a car.

And he'd turn around, and he could beat me to death. He could kill me right here with his bare hands. And I better hope I get a good eye gouge or crotch kick in. I better use some of the, that's my purse! And fucking kick him in the crotch or something and run for it. Because I got no chance against this man. He might as well be a different fucking species than me. He looks like an NFL

running back. They need a feminist empowerment score for movies. What do you got here? You got a 110? It's time to film some bullshit! Female Batman. This is up to a 10. Girls are strong and they're leading the way like like time to film some bullshit no i'm hey i've been told reliably that the future is female

so so we have to all pretend we're all the same and that women fighting isn't totally ridiculous i'm not a sexist i'm just aist. I'm okay with women with superpowers fighting. Totally. Captain Marvel. Well, the superpowers, that negates any unbelievability of it. I'm not even a superhero fan, but if I see Wonder Woman or Captain Lady or whoever the big women ones are, and they beat up a guy, it's like, okay, well, that's a superhero. That makes sense. They can even beat up other superheroes, right? Because, okay, well, that's a superhero. That makes sense. They can even beat up other superheroes, right? Because not all superheroes are created

equally. I just saw Thor get beat up by his sister on a YouTube highlight today. And yeah, sure enough, she's one of the big strong daddies. Much stronger. I don't fucking care about the superhero movie thing, but it is like... Unless it's Batman.

It takes you out of the moment when you're watching a movie and something like that happens, like what Kyle's describing, where a woman beats up like a 6'4 muscle-bound Hulk. And you're like, goddammit, couldn't you have made it like a 5'9 engineer who just

happened to be walking there and you beat him up? It's just ridiculous. Oh my god, I found it. I found the scene. Hang on, let me skip to the part where she beats these men to death. There's gonna be music on it though. We can watch it on mute then. Oh yeah, that's right.

I can try that. Alright, yeah, there is some sort of like tense... There's always a soundtrack. Dun dun. Dun dun. It's like tense music playing. Yeah, I think I time-stamped that appropriately. I'm queued at 1, 3, 4.

This is called Designated Survivor 2X11. That means Season 2, Episode 11. Hannah's Escape. Ready. Ready, set, play. So she's walking through the jungle rainforest. I don't know. There's a guy with an AK. Two guys with AKs pointed right at her.

She goes, oh, there she is. She's grabbed one gun. She's kicked the other gun. They're dead. They're dead. That killed them. That killed them. Oh, wait.

Now there's like 17. I'm shocked she didn't kill all those guys, too. She killed two of my best men. That's literally what he said. I was shocked that she wasn't like, there's 15 of you? Ah, too bad. Could have even died with 30.

We should throw him the gun aside and be like, ah too bad could have even died at 30 yeah yeah throw him the gun aside like she's I don't know what she's supposed to be I'm gonna watch it again because I want one of these shows is like enough that's what she is Kyle she's had enough she's had enough

of the constant comments And catcalls And the disrespect She's had enough and she's manifested it in her fist So the one guy she kicks In the belly I guess that's the Death blow

The other one she backhanded on the chin I assume that was the fatal blow Broke his neck So that other guy's spleen he bled out I assume that was the fatal blow. Broke his neck. That other guy's fleeing. He bled out internally. I love that they're dead. Who the fuck is this for?

Who are the boomers that are watching this? All of entertainment is dedicated. Wait, why are you attacking boomers? You know they're millennials watching this. Boomers aren't doing this. Woody, this has boomer written. Even the lighting, it's all boomers not with boomers made shows and we're talking about my parents here not me for people who don't know what a fucking boomer is but when boomers made shows women wore dresses they danced in high heels they got paid half as much and they certainly did not beat up men. They were sidekicks and wives and support staff.

This is not boomer shit. This is a fucking boomer show. That was their boomers that were doing the Captain Kirk fights and Ahura in a skirt. And that was the silent generation, the greatest generation fueling that. This is pure boomer nonsense. It is not. It is not. My parents are boomers and they are currently 70 years old.

You think they're making this? No. This is the influence of a millennial. I guarantee you my dad watches this fucking show. They're both 65 or 68 or whatever that motherfucker that motherfucker watches shows that have killed men he'll watch it it'll be so bad people will have died they put surgeon general warnings in front of the television my dad watches still watches a fucking show and it's full of shit like this i'll sit there and i can feel my brain rot as i'm

watching tv with him and it's exactly like it's that is not what my boomer parents watch my boomer parents have given up largely on lots of tv because it's not right wing enough they have found various youtubers who are right of fox wait really yeah your boomer parents youtube yeah they're all over youtube parents are to youtube that's where they find the truth that's where the truth is right because that is the next level that's you have millennial boomer parents my my new tv i don't have cable i get we watch everything through the internet like hulu and shit my father doesn't even understand it i've we've i've given him a

fucking ted talk on how tv comes to the internet. He's like well. How do you watch TV? Like buddy, you don't know either way. It's just a magical wire that comes into the fucking house Don't pretend like your version don't pretend like you have any kind of knowledge of this It's just a different remote and a menu. That's bullshit. That's not my grandparents Did that same shit where my grandma got really into game of thrones because i told her to watch it and like she would text me out of nowhere and be like grandma's got sex and violence you'll love it my my grandma is from deep southern missouri grew up with an outhouse like and she's like now taylor did have you're

all caught up on this show yeah i'm like yeah like, yeah, Graham, I'm all caught up. She's like, now, I just saw in season three the Red Wedding, and my lord, my goodness, I did not – how do you even watch this show? This is so great. And then she got to the end of where her streaming capability ended because she lived so rural, and I kept trying to explain to her what she'd have to do for her internet package to make it a little better so she could stream like speaking mandarin eventually i had to just be like i just literally bought her all of the seasons on dvd yeah and that's that was the winning combination so she can watch it on her so she could watch it on her 12 year old tv in this giant wonderful house that has a stripe down the middle of it where nothing is Dick, you don't know this. My grandparents live in a very nice home. They do well for themselves in a very rural

area. And they've had the same TVs for 14 years, I think. 14 years they've had the same TVs. Like when flat screens were new, that's when they bought them. And now there are giant stripes in them where you can't see anything. Like a black stripe in the middle of the the street and i was sitting

there like over thanksgiving like grandma how are you watching this she's like well you know i don't even notice it anymore i've just gotten so i just don't even notice i'm like you owned thousands of cattle a couple years ago you know you can afford a tv like you're fine she's like well you know it's just a lot of, and I don't want to go to Best Buy and have somebody try and sell me something I don't want. Are they retired now? And so, yeah, no, no, no, they still work because they're from that generation. They like continuing to work. But that's my – I know they don't listen to the show.

They literally don't listen to the show. This came up over Thanksgiving where my grandparents My grandparents, somehow it came up, and my grandma was like, I have still never listened to that because it would just break my heart to hear the things that I know you're saying on there. Yeah, it absolutely would. I fully converted my dad at this point.

He's got his 4K TV. He still has Dish Network, like the satellite thing but it has this fuck but it has a channel that has all the streaming services like like like netflix is a channel on there i was i was like wait there's not like a whole different app he's like nah it's got a channel 236 that's netflix i was like say boomer did they boomer fighted oh shit yeah it is all right now we're in netflix and you just sign into your account from that channel and you're in yeah it was i was i couldn't figure

it out i was i was standing there for like 10 minutes trying to i was like i i felt so dumb asking my dad how to get netflix to work but i was like how do you change i'm changing inputs here i'm you know i'm going to the main menu. Where's Netflix? I know you got it. I saw it last night. It's like, Channel 236. And I'm like, what? What do you mean? My grandparents are so old with it.

What are you talking about, Dad? We want to rent a movie at my grandparents' house. We're there overnight for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We still have to physically call the pay-per-view thing and like place the order on a phone like it's a thousand years ago isn't that insane to be like i want to watch this movie you pick up this landline and call i remember that i had completely forgotten that that was even a thing. That's so long. That's literally like 15. It's over 15 years ago.

That's like almost 20 years ago that that was a thing. That's crazy that that still exists. Dude, I'd be at a hotel, right? And the hotel, I'm on a business trip. And in my head, I'm like, well, it's fairly reasonable, you know, $12.95 or something to watch a movie. I'm up here. I'm away from home. Like, what am I supposed to do?

You guys owe me whatever. So I'm going to put a movie on the expense report. All right, no big deal. The problem is that regular movies are $12.95 and porn is like $14.95. So if that shows up on the expense report, then they know what you did. They're in line for the problem. Who's paying for porn? Oh, well.

You had to, man. When you were on a business trip in 2003. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. You don't have time to download 64 parts of a file over a 14.4 modem. Hotels don't even have Wi-Fi in that day and age.

I remember loading single images on the family computer when i thought i had enough time and like one would like slowly load and then like two-thirds of the way through you're like this one isn't going to do it for me so you have to go back and then find another one and then like at some point it just got to that like crux where you're like i this is this is gonna have to do like this going to have to be the thing I use right now because I don't have time. I can hear people milling about upstairs and I'm playing a risky game here. I am a Russian roulette with my cock. I've told this before, but yeah, it used to be that pop-ups were out of control on the internet. Yahoo had pop-ups. Everything had pop-ups. Stupid X10, whatever.

But porn sites. You'd load a porn page and you'd get, no lie, 32, 60 pop-ups. They'd pop up all over. And they'd pop up, you know, and I'm like, ha-ha, joke's on you. I like this too. This'll do just fine. Yeah, you thought you were getting one over on me, but I like all your choices. The expense report thing's funny, though. fine yeah you thought you were getting one over on me but uh i like all your choices the expense report thing's funny though we were i remember we were we were at cod xp and uh the bar had closed

and it was like me and hastro and fwiz like downstairs with a few other people but that's kind of who i was hanging out with and we were we were pretty we were pretty drunk and the bar in the hotel lobby had closed on us and and i was like, well, that's it. We're cut off now. And Fwizz is like, don't you have a mini bar up in your suite? And I was like, yeah, but it's like $8 a shot. He's like, fuck it. I'll clear it. Put the guys up at Machinima.

Let's go clean that bitch out. And I was like, you sure? Because I'm not paying for that shit. I'll make a stink if they charge me $300 for clearing out this minibar. He's like, nah, nah. I got this. And so we just go up there and cleared out the whole minibar. And we come down with like between our fingers like dozens of little minibars.

Who wants a little Captain Morgan? Now we know why Machinima went out of business. Kyle's minibar. One minibar did the trick yeah we were the life of the party then because we had like you know eight or nine people outside just chilling outside smoking cigarettes and shit and then we showed up with like a whole new party's worth of liquor it was great my uh my my grandparents like obviously they're old so my grandma how old bought uh in their 70s okay uh mid late 70s and uh my grandma bought for soreness cbd oil for which is like the marijuana thing but it doesn't get you high but that does not my grandpa and grandma don't know it doesn't get you high and

so like i would like be talking to my gram my grandpa about it no no it was like it's like a cream you like rub it on whatever area you, no, it's like a cream. You rub it on whatever area you're sore, and it's like a topical analgesic. And so... Apply directly to the forehead. Apply directly. Head on. Head on.

Apply directly to the forehead. And so I was talking to my grandpa about it. Like, yeah, I saw grandma has CBD oil for her soreness. And he goes, ah, shit. I tried to yell at her the other day to make me a sandwich and she was too high to even listen and i was like grandpa i don't think that's how it works and he's like shit that's how it works i tell you what like like literally like hank hill kind of sayings i guess he's doing it uh he's the same grandpa i know i've told this to woody and kyle

but i haven't to dick where uh we're talking about like technology he still has a flip phone that's old as as time and uh they're talking about texting and my grandma is all about texting she loves it she loves facebook you know just like a standard old woman and she's like now now richard i got you to text once didn't i my grandpa's like yeah yeah you got me to text one time you asked if uh you asked if uh the stevenson should come over and i i texted back no so his only text ever was my grandma saying can people come over tonight and his response was just no. The Stephensons specifically.

They must have been so bad that he had to violate his non-texting perfect record to keep them the fuck away. He just doesn't like people around. Every time he comes to St. Louis, at his head, St. Louis is New York City. He's like, I hate coming to the city. When I moved into the city and he was here to eat dinner that night, and he just happened to be in town when I moved in here, he was like, shit, why in the fuck would you live here? He didn't pull any punches.

He was like, you're going to get stabbed or something. He was very not a fan of it. I almost envy that mindset in that generation. Oh, dude, you'll get it. When you get your house and you move in, you'll suddenly understand, fuck, I don't ever want anyone coming near me again. Stay the fuck away from my house. Oh, this is something I wanted to ask you about the house setup.

Like, I know you box, you know, and you lift and everything. Do you do that at a gym? Do you have a home gym? Like, where do you do that? No, I went to a gym for a while, but I like working out in the garage. I like watching old episodes of Duckman and doing my routine. I don't care that it takes a little

longer. It takes longer? To work out at home? Yeah, when you're at the gym, you can't get on your phone and you hate every moment of it and everyone there and every second of it is torture and it's like just it's the people it's the people everywhere that drive you nuts it's a nice like therapeutic um zen like relaxing pump that you get in your

own garage i think going anywhere takes forever. What do you have? What was that? What's your equipment set up? What do you have in your garage? I got a rack. I have the benefit of... I'm looking to pick this stuff out now, so I'd like what you've got, like the input. I'm an inheritor.

I get all the great stuff that my brother-in-law got that he doesn't use anymore now that he's got kids. So I got a nice Olympic rack and a bench on top of that. And a dip... All the dip attachments and shit like that. And a bunch of resistance bands. That's all I... I only do

resistance bands lately because they're... They don't fuck up your shoulders and injure anything. I'm too fucking old for a bench. Really? You don't bench at all anymore? No. I should learn.

I feel like I spend way too much downtime, because I'll get stronger, I'll lift more, and then something's broken. And it's like, I should really know two days off this week or something like that well okay i'll give you um i'll give you a good tip that's also a plug um a good friend of mine her name is jamie lynn hughes uh she's a miss bikini fitness competitor model probably one of the most uh beautiful bodies on earth uh she wrote me a training routine for upper body lower body uh like a cardio day she does meal plans and stuff like she does this for her job she wrote me a resistance band routine that is as good as my

free weight routine like there's some dumbbell stuff, but I was addicted to bench because I love the feeling and I like like getting pumped and I like to think of Marvel Schwarzenegger. But as it started to chew away at my shoulders, she came up with this whole plan to do.

It's like rotations and you know, it's rubber bands. So you feel gay for the first couple months that you do it. it's rubber bands so you feel gay for the first couple months that you do it but it is just as good which i never would have said before she wrote it but it was it's all her uh it's all her fault jamie lynn hughes i think she has a patreon where she does it meal plans and workout plans and stuff yeah i just tried to follow her on twitter but it's protected so i'll have to wait the uh cable machine would

be neat too i don't have enough room for a rack and a cable machine they're pretty big and they're expensive see i was looking at cable machines like really nice ones and it seemed like to get one with like two 200 pound stacks like what you'd need long term to make sure you didn't outgrow it like where you could never i know what you mean yeah because sometimes i lift yeah 200 300 pounds with one of my arms no no like it's 200 pounds per arm so what i'm saying is like there's no way that you're going to outgrow this i'm like i'm suggesting that maybe a smaller machine would be fine for me but carry on oh yeah but that one was like 2200 bucks and then i looked at like power rack like just a titan power rack a uh a bunch of bumper plates and then a rogue uh

ohio bar is the one everybody's recommending saying you know buy it nice buy it twice like you'll never have to get another one uh but dick do you do like dead deadlift and squat still, or you're all resistance? Oh, fucking no, man. That is a young man's game. I like deadlifts. I like deadlifts and squats. I'm sorry I cut you off, but I'm okay with those. You know what you need? A mini jack for your deadlifts.

Can't do it without it. No, I didn't even consider that. Yeah, they're not too much. But I used to do it without it. And you'd lift one side and slide the 45s on. And what double sucks is I do it with Colin, you know you'd like lift one side and slide the 45s on and what double sucks is i do it with colin so he's working in and we're going for my like you know i don't even know what i put on like 110 per side plus the bar and then colin's doing his deadlift form is

terrible so he's still doing like 10 pounds a side because i don't another bar might be a real time saver i have never thought of that i have never thought of that. I have never thought of that. Look at Kyle coming in with the hot take. Yeah, but before we had the mini jacks, we would have to lift one side and slide all those goddamn weights on and off. It was awful.

Another bar would be... I'm looking for an excuse for another bar. Maybe I'll get an Ohio Lake Taylor. Don't don't get see all right so i'm sorry this it's not really my forte they're recommending the ohio bar because those fuckers are squatting 650 pounds and shit like that and they're worried about one of those cheap chinese bars bending on them permanently and and injuring them for us normal human beings who may get up to 300 one day let's get a cheap bar right see like i'll that's what i thought initially where i was like i'm not gonna be some strong man but then i did more research into it and it's like it's got a better knurling the knurling is all that matters

standard knurling it's like got it's it's it's just lasts longer like the reviews are fantastic gloves do you you're not into that i use gloves or chalk or i use gloves when i was a teenager but now gloves are like i mean you might as well have two earrings like there couldn't be anything gayer than gloves. I want the gloves. I don't like wearing gloves. Even when it's cold out, I don't like wearing gloves. I want the gloves, and I also want, if I'm doing squats, I want that squishy thing that goes on the bar on the back of my shoulder

so it doesn't hurt. I use two fucking sets of gloves. There's nothing gay about that. I need these hands, motherfucker. This is my livelihood. Look, I like my hands, motherfucker. This is my livelihood. Look, I like my hands to be soft like a lady so that when I...

You know, I can just imagine like I've taken... They often go back to their girlfriends and they go, what'd you like most about him? And they go, he had the softest hands. I don't know if you're joking or not. I don't think any woman's ever went... I don't know if any woman's ever went back to their girlfriend and been like... I'm joking because they obviously don't want baby soft hands on a man.

Yes, they fucking do. When he... Only when they're getting finger blasted. When he fingered me, it was like being fingered by a hot dog covered in sandpaper. Oh, I loved it. He has hands like a baby. He hollowed me out like a log. Come on.

It was like fucking a cat because of his barbed dick. I mean, think about it. If you were going to get fingered, would you really want it to be by some Paul Bunyan motherfucker still had splinters in there and like fingernails all jagged and shit? Or from Kyle over here with his manicured nails and his hands that are so goddamn soft you can't even imagine. What women are looking for

is a man that can protect them and provide resources. They're genetically engineered to seek out these things since the beginning of time. Your baby soft fingers imply neither resource gatherer nor protector.

Oh, you're out of your fucking mind, Woody. You think no one poor has ever had rough hands, you fucking idiot? What are you talking about? I'm going on a caveman level here. There's some mechanic out there whose hands are all oily greasy and scarred up He's like yeah when women see me. They know I can bring home the bacon And I can grab a pan out of the oven with no gloves That's hot and only fuck themselves and they have very soft hands they want your money, but they don't want to fuck you

Swayed me immediately on this because now I'm imagining shaking hands with Bill Gates or Warren Buffett and those would be the softest hands I've ever had. And Bill Gates don't even pick up their own piles of money. He slapped me on the ass and I bled

for an hour. That's a real man. If you're Wilma Flintstone, then you're like, yeah, his hands are so rough. Well, he wrestles men down and beats them to death all day, and last week he killed some sort of cake. He works at a rock quarry. Yeah, he works

at a rock quarry. With levers. He doesn't pick up rocks. He's a brontosaurus operator. Is there unfinished wooden levers? Dick. That's why unfinished wooden levers dick. That's why it takes her so long when he goes, well, ma! Yeah, that's why it takes her

so long to come over because her pussy's just been blasted by giant, you know, fucking Stone Age hands when he was, like, sliding off the brontosaurus. What did he do?

Broke rocks for a living? Yeah, he worked some sort of excavator, which was actually a dinosaur, which would pick up rocks and put them somewhere else. I assume to make them smaller. I don't know. Fashion them into two-wheeled cars.

What does Fred Flintstone sound like? I wish I knew how to do an impression. You did a pretty good Wilma just now, I thought. He sounds like the Honeymooners. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. Same guys. Bang Zoom, Owleys. Did you guys see the Flintstones movie? Bang, zoom, Allie's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had the Goodman, right? Yeah, they had the greatest ending. Like, the ending of that stupid Flintstones movie has stuck with me ever since I saw it. You know, I was a kid when I saw it. But at the end of the movie, Fred Flintstone invents concrete because of a mishap at the quarry and I thought that's the greatest ending that this movie could have ever possibly had and whoever wrote that is a genius.

And there's no one will ever recognize the genius of the ending of this movie. It came out in like 1993 or 1994. I remember watching it and loving it because I was seven or whatever. Yeah. It was good. It's good. It's Flintstones. But yeah, moisturize your fucking hands and wear some gloves. There's no reason not to. What are we trying to prove? I don't get it.

The rough hands are never going to aid you in life. Soft hands are. I don't like the way lotion feels. You're using the wrong lotion. I'll put it on my knuckles and I'll put it on my elbow for dryness, but I don't like the way lotion feels.

It makes you greasy and feel... I don't know. I don't like it. I use a cocoa butter lotion. It smells nice. I exfoliate in the shower, so everything's getting sloughed off. So when I get out, if I don't moisturize, I'd be

itchy everywhere so i just full body rub down with that thick really thick cocoa but the lotion is so thick is that the nice stuff that you get like the expensive shit yeah i mean not crazy expensive the stuff i put on my face is really expensive it's the jack black um moisturizing spf 15 uh comes in a blue bottle with it's not Jack Black the actor. It's, I don't know, Jack Black the face lotion man or something like that. I wouldn't buy a lotion from Jack Black the actor. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But that's the face lotion I use. But the body lotion is, I don't know, Aveeno or something like that. But it's so thick that when you pump the bottle, the pump takes a really long time to come back up. Like, it's spring loaded, but it's so thick that when you pump the bottle the pump takes a really long time to come back up as like like like the spring loaded but it's like it's like when you're trying to uh uh eat a milkshake when you first get it and it's too thick you're like like you can't get anything

out of the goddamn straw that's how thick this lotion is like like it's it's legit and i put it everywhere i'm soft as a baby and i'm soft as a baby's ass are you tight i put it on my ass i put it on my ass kyle have you ever have you ever stopped your skincare routine for like three weeks or so and told like been able to tell like a big difference or are you so consistent with it you just never have it's part of my routine you know i doubt there'd be some like big difference i'd be i'd be itchy because like my skin would be dry from because you know or whatever but like i don't think there'd be a big difference the sun might burn me because i wouldn't have my pendant now like your skin probably doesn't moisturize enough on its own you're like someone who takes anabolic steroids and their testicles

get all fucked and then they come off it. Kyle doesn't produce his own sweat and oil anymore. He just has to apply it externally. Maybe. I've heard that can happen with chapstick. That people can get like chapstick addicted and their lips don't work.

I mean if i heard it i'm sure it's true who would lie no i guess you said i believe and if you're ever in a situation where chapstick is unavailable you just die your lips drop right off no i i could believe that i i think i feel like i've experienced that like in the winter like i'm using chapstick daily right now because it's the winter and like your lips dry out in the cold dry air or whatever. I break out the chapstick. I carry chapstick in the winter. The only lip shit that I use ever is a

Breva if I get a cold sore. From your herpes. That's the only thing that gets rid of cold sores. Yeah, from your herpes. From my herpes. Man, I got them so bad as a kid. Like once a year I'd get just a brutal one right on my lip kid i'm like five i don't know oh that sucked how did you get it

most people have uh like the cold sore simplex when they're born really and i've never heard of it yeah yeah yeah most people have the cold like the kind of herpes It's not the STD herpes. It's the other one. There's herpes 1 and there's herpes 2. And I don't know if... They're both sex ones. I was about to say, you're not exactly accurate with what you're saying. I'm a bit of a herpes expert.

I have herpes 1. I got it from sharing a drink when I was a kid or whatever. He got it that way. Yeah, originally I got it that way. drink when I was a kid or whatever. Originally he got it that way. Yeah, originally I got it that way. Sharing a drink with a guy you fucked? With my father. So, no.

He's always had them. So, I got it from him. Shared a soda with him. Got him for life now. I have, and I've told this story many times, but I have gone down on a girl. Not with the full-blown cold serve, which would be gross, and I would never do story many times, but I have gone down on a girl, not with like the full blown cold surf, which would be gross. And I would never do that. And I don't, I think any intelligent girl wouldn't allow me to do that, but it was healed.

And I mean, 99.9% healed. It was gone. I couldn't see it anymore, but apparently it was, it was transmutable still at that point. And so I gave her pussy herpes of some kind. I believe from my, I've talked about this before. I believe from my research, it's still type one. It's just in her vagina.

And so like, oh, and it happens immediately, basically. It wasn't like, okay, now you have type one herpes. And maybe a year from now you'll have an outbreak. It was like, oh shit, five days days from now it's game over, bro. And she had, like, herpes all over her pussy. And she's, like, sitting on frozen peas in excruciating pain. She's like, what have you done to me? And I'm like, it was the cold sore.

I didn't know. I didn't know it worked like that from the mouth to the pussy. I didn't know. How old were you? 25, 26. Oh, my God. And she was very understanding. it worked like that from the mouth to the pussy i i didn't know how old were you 25 26 like that and uh she was very understanding she understood that you know i didn't know and and she didn't even know at the time and you know it was gone after maybe a week 10 days and she never had that outbreak ever again you know because and and i don't know now you still never keep in touch. But now I know, like, 100%, and I, you know, if I'm seeing a lady and I have a cold sore and she's like, ah, you want to hang out tomorrow?

I'm like, no. I have a cold sore. There will be no kissing and there will be no oral. If you are okay with those guidelines, then yes, you can come over. But just know, there's going to be nothing. My mouth is doing nothing during this. It's safer to just, you never do oral on a woman again.

Like they should understand medically that you can't. Medically you can't. They have to do it. In my experience, and like I've certainly read that somehow there's a small chance that at any point

you could give it to someone through the oral i i'm i lean toward not believing that through my own personal experience the only time that it seems like it's transmittable is during an outbreak like and like i know that a day and a half before i'm gonna have an outbreak there's a tingle that's very specific and oh you're totally right there'll be a very very small bump that at first will feel like a pimple or something like that and as soon as i feel that i immediately start taking a thousand fucking milligrams of valtrex a day and valtrex is the prescription um herpes medication and if you do that you don't even get a cold sore. It never blisters.

It never turns into something ugly. It's like you caught them in their spawn. You immediately spawn trap that herpes. You don't let it get out. You don't let it cap any flags. And it's done. Do you still, as an adult, get them randomly? Oh, yeah. Because as an adult now, pretty much the only time I get them is if I'm coming down

with a cold or the flu. If I'm sick, I'll notice them cropping up. But other than that, I really don't get them anymore. You get them for a few things. Stress can trigger them and a weakened immune system can trigger them. People with immune deficiency disorders, not just HIV, AIDS, but there's a lot of immune deficiency issues, that can often trigger them. But also if you're fighting off something like a bacterial or some other kind of viral infection like the flu or a cold or something like that, then that can allow the herpes virus to present itself. Because it's always dormant there in your nerve cells, like in your lips. I always get mine in the same place. It always comes on the same exact area.

Where do you get it? Eh. Oh, that left corner of the mouth? The corner of the mouth ones are the grossest. Because you have to open your mouth and it cracks. Like right there. I remember when I was maybe 17 whenever I was working

at a video store at some stupid job I worked for a couple of weeks. It had gotten really bad. I didn't have anything for it and I'm 17 so I'm not smart enough to go to a goddamn doctor and get the Valtrex or whatever and my parents are just like, it looks pretty bad, huh? It'll go away.

I'll never forget how embarrassing it was to work the cash register and this old man, like maybe 70, was like, oh, looks like somebody popped you in the mouth. And I'm just like, cold sore.

Cold sore. Just felt so trashy. I wish they'd cure that. Right? They have, essentially. I mean, the Valtrex is so effective. Like, I know what you mean by cure, but the Valtrex is such an incredibly effective treatment that

I wouldn't care if I had herpes, too. If I had genital herpes, it wouldn't be that big of a deal at all. I'd care. Okay. Well, we'll wrap it up, big boy. But I'm just saying, on the tier of STDs that are scary,

it's extremely low on them because Valtrex is just so goddamn effective at instantly fixing the problem. Yeah, but you get a parade if you have AIDS. Nobody has a herpes parade. No. That's true. But I also don't think I'd get AIDS.

What about the gay pride parade? They got lots of parades. You know, I don't remember the AIDS parade. The AIDS parade. The Puerto Rican Day parade. Let's roll them all into one. Come on. The Macy's Day parade.

We got a lot of crossover here. The Macy's Day Parade. We've got a lot of crossover here. The Macy's Day Parade. Turns out the same people show up for all three. Let's just roll this into one. Parades are a menace to society. When you have a parade and you shut down entire roads like i i hate that well i mean like most of the parades here are like ferguson anniversary riots so i may be skewed

we're gonna riot every year on this date yeah that's that's literally a thing here in st louis people will be like you know what day it is i'm like what and they're like the ferguson day it's like all right well i better get home early you know and make sure nobody you know nobody blocks traffic and forces me to you know sit there for 10 hours anyway you guys are doing the ceremonial burning of the 7-eleven i've talked about it before a friend of mine when that ferguson initial shit was going down he worked a good friend of mine worked in ferguson and he he sent me a photo the next day and he was like you know i work here in ferguson and i really hate it it takes a long time to get here it's awful i showed up today and the only place here I've ever gone for lunch,

McDonald's, right across the street, was burned down. I don't know what I'm going to do. They burned down the McDonald's. He even told me, he's like, I'm the only person at work today. No one else came following the Ferguson riots, and he was very upset. So, yeah yeah that was uh they burned down a wig store right and I I'm not an expert in like black women's hair but apparently this wig store exclusively served black women oh hell no and there was a big like to do like why would you

burn down this store it serves us you know what they burnt down the wig store and the popeye god damn i'm gonna run the entree down with my sedan i don't remember i don't remember the wig store thing. That's pretty funny. All right, Dick, would you like to tell our fans about what you got cooking? No. I think I got it all out there. I'm going to go obsessively hope I don't have herpes all night.

Yeah, right? Dude, I don't have herpes. I'm not stressed about that. I've never been tested for herpes, but my wife was tested for herpes just like a week or two, no, a month or two ago for some sort of physical. So if she doesn't have it, I don't have it, right? It has to be case. If you've never seen a cold sore, the odds are very, very good that you don't have it i don't have it right like it has to be case if you've never seen a cold sore

the odds are very very good that it's not that you don't have it and if look if you don't get cold sores and who fucking cares if you've got it it might as well just be like i might as well just be saying you've got pizzazz no but it's like saying hey there's a gun to your head who cares if they never shot we've got pizzazz i don't want the gun to my head just like dick he's like i have to pray i don't have it like i don't want to know that this is a thing you guys are describing a a tingle i've had a pimple near my lip before and now i'm like oh my god what could that have been i don't want to have a tingling anyway unless the pimple gets bigger for three or four days and then becomes a bloody scab that hurts like hell. It just does normal pimple things.

You don't have it. I'm pretty sure you're good, Woody. Yeah. All right. PKA episode 416. Herpes talk. Oh, are there any outros? Yes.

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I was going to ask you guys. Did you have the dick-sucking machine as your Sponsor the autoblow is that it's somebody tweeted at me. Yes Kyle I love your video. Yeah, I don't know Did you guys use one of the autoblow machines cuz they emailed me yesterday? Yeah, it's very effective There's it they got a new one coming out the full auto blow auto blow too it's like internet ai skynet auto blow oh my god i'm very excited about it but i wanted to be a chatterbait plug-in yeah man they work

they're very effective and when you see the inner workings you won't be afraid to stick your dick in it the only problem is after you cum, you're usually not down to like now clean out this artificial pussy inside this robot so it's easy to forget about it and I don't know if you ever like left a dirty dish like on a desk or like maybe it

ended up under your bed or something and you forgot about it for three months and when you found it again it was disgusting. Just imagine a fake pussy full of your load that you just stuck in a drawer and then... Oh, I'm imagining. Yeah. I do that routinely. And I don't know about you, but I don't have anybody around

who can be like, hey Jeremy, will you clean up my fake pussy for me? Yeah, it's real rank. Like, there's no one to call in for that job. I do have a cleaning lady, but I'm going to have to up her to once a week I guess if I get one of these autoplays. Alright, guys. PKA416.