Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #418

Episode Date: December 28, 2018

On this week's PKA, our good pal Tucker aka JERICHO has finally returned! He shares a rather funny poop story he experienced at a friend's party, then the guys discuss whether Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air has a leg to stand in regard to the lawsuit he has against Fortnite stealing his "Carlton Dance" and then Kyle gives everyone some useful tips for pissing in bottles while on the go and on the road!

Painkiller Ready, episode 418 with our guest Tucker, Kyle. Double sponsors tonight, Robin Hood, Postmates, and YouTube Music. We'll talk about them later in the show, but yeah, we got Tucker on tonight. Hello there, Tuck. Hello again. Hey. This is my 14th time on the show, I think. Sounds right.

You're looking fit, your hair's on point. You've obviously been getting jacked. Are those, yeah, I can't get jacked. I've been running, but I can't put on any weight. I'm still like 150 pounds, so I'm a manlet but uh at least i'm healthy yeah at least you're healthy like i i took out the trash and it's freezing here i took it out last night and like i decided like three steps in i was like i'm gonna jog to the dumpster and it's 40 yards at most and by the time i got there i was like oh okay it's not that cold let's walk back you can't put on weight tucker have you considered fucking up your sleep schedule and snacking in bed because oh it works for me yeah but there's a difference between like putting on

weight and then like like you know like building weight putting on muscle like meaningful weight is look if we're trying to weigh more then i'm i'm not all right i'm trying to i'm trying to build out my physique so i'm no longer uh you know shopping in the 30 30 waist zone like i you know i have to use a child's bit like belt if i want to go out so it's yeah but no but no. It's been... It's the gym. I just run. It's the only thing that I enjoy. You're in team 30-inch waist when you're in your very thinnest, right?

No, 100%. I need a little bit of room, a little bit of comfort, so I'm a 32. I was a 34 in high school with abs. Yeah, I don't have any abs. I'm a 36 now. My smallest jeans are a 30. But I have 30s, 32s, and 34s. It really just depends what time of year it is.

Bulking season. I'm in 34 season right now. And I'm pushing 35 season but they don't make 35 they don't make odd numbers that's even fatter and so I gotta really try and maintain 32 season or 34 at what point do you at what point do you just say like all right it cost me more money to stay at 35 here like I gotta buy a belt you know we gotta change our wardrobe why not just eat a little more and then you're in the 36 range and you don't have to make it you know they make people's uh clothes in 36s so you don't have to remember that show like the swan thing where they'd be like look at this ugly bitch and then they yes do a bunch of oh oh when they turned them in yes yeah the whole time like i liked that show at the

end because from what i remember they wouldn't hedge their compliments like the doctors wouldn't Oh, when they turned them in. Yes, yeah. The whole time, like, I liked that show at the end because from what I remember, they wouldn't hedge their compliments. Like, the doctors wouldn't be like, and this was an excellent compliment to your already shapely nose. It was like, and you see here, you were all sorts of fucked up beforehand.

And we went in there, straightened it right out. When I lost, like, 50 pounds a few years ago, I went from my fattest to my thinnest. Like, I look fucking weird at 170. I look thin and weird and gaunt. And I went from like 235 to 170 in like four months. And I didn't buy any new clothes until I got to like 180. And so it was just one day at work.

I'd been like looking so slovenly and shitty for a while that I finally went and bought new stuff and showed up. And I was expecting people to be like, wow, you really put in the effort. You lost a bunch of weight. The actual response was like, oh my god, are you sick? Like, you don't have anything, do you? And I'm like, no. But in the same way someone thought I was doing steroids a year ago,

the fact you think I have HIV is also flattering now. It blows their mind to think someone could naturally lose their weight through just drinking water and being unhealthy for four months. That's a lot. That's a lot of weight in four months. Not a healthy amount. No. I did a situation where it's like I gained and lost 50 pounds in three months. Yeah.

Oh, man. It's not ideal. Not that bad yeah well for you your body's like acclimated to the point i don't even know if that kind of dieting is bad for you anymore like your body's used to the norm everybody says everything's bad for you it's just fuck off i got a physical the other day perfect health perfect blood pressure everything i'm I'm 100% over here. Like, just feeling good, feeling strong. I could gain 30, lose 30. I don't see how it's... How is that bad for me?

I don't get it. I literally saw on the Wall Street Journal and New York Times and, like, their health section a couple days ago, there was a post where it was like, the tie between high blood sugar and salt isn't as clear as once thought. And I was like, fuck,yle was actually right really so it's not like there's not a correlation or a cause it's not causation yeah no it's more of like apparently one of those old school things that never went out out of vogue where like back in the day they're

like i'll make this fat free sure you're just replacing all the fat with sugar same amount of calories roughly but yeah it's so fast you're not going to get fat. Now, everybody knows that's like the worst possible option for sex is replacing fat with sugar. There's a telly in your column right there. Good for you. Yeah, salt's not bad for you at all. But I'm not sure the general attitude that Kyle

has of, everyone says everything's bad for you, is on target either. Like, oh, there's idiots and there's cigarettes. There's stuff that's bad. I don't think cigarettes are as bad as. Like, oh, there's cigarettes. There's stuff that's bad. Other stuff is, I don't think cigarettes is bad as everybody makes them out to be honestly. I mean,

let me, I really don't. Everybody acts like, like cigarettes or, or are literal. All right. So the word poison. Oh,

I thought you were going to say cancer. Everyone acts like cigarettes and cancer. I thought that's the word. They cause cancer. I'm not disputing that. This thought that's the word that you just brought up. They cause cancer. I'm not disputing that. This isn't like a global warming denier kind of speech I'm giving here, but I'm just saying. And we're on the same page that cancer's bad for you. Yeah.

Totally. Most of the time, yeah. But, I mean, what if you get cancer and, like, a thing you don't need? I got cancer and it's growing out of control. Taylor, your game is too high. I wrote it too long. I didn't see a notice. Yeah, I just don't think they're that bad for you. I mean, we talked about real poisons a few weeks ago and how to make them for some reason.

I didn't think that was a good idea. But things like ricin, where like some dose that's an infinitesimally small amount of ricin is just instant death. You're dead in a few hours. Meanwhile, there's a guy smoking two packs of cigarettes for 15 years

and he's got a cough. I get that some people get cancer and then it turns into lung cancer or emphysema or they get their fucking throat box cut out and they die, but not everyone. What I'm saying is that real poison is when 100% of the people who try even a little of it fucking die.

So if I understand this right, what we're saying is that because ricin is worse than cigarettes, cigarettes aren't that bad. No, what I'm saying is that to treat cigarettes like they're this absolute poisonous thing, where if you smoke one a week or one a day even, which I don't think is a thing that people can actually do anyway i think i've known i've known so many smokers that were like they quit and then they're like you know what i'll smoke one a day and then one a day turns into one pack a day within 10 days it's my great aunt or like great great aunt or some shit i'm right you're right i've never seen people do that she literally had for decades has smoked cigarettes you know in her you know late 70s probably early i don't

even know and she i've watched her smoke them she smokes those long ass like misties and she literally doesn't inhale them she smokes them like the way bill clinton did weed or whoever did i think she literally just sucks it in her mouth and blows it out and it's like this is what are you doing? at least catch a buzz she's absorbing the nicotine just at a smaller rate

I like the way Obama smokes they asked Obama like did you smoke marijuana? and he said yeah and they're like did you inhale? and he said that was the point and then they asked him did you do cocaine? and he said, that was the point. Yeah. And then they asked him, did you do cocaine? And he's like, yes, I did. I snorted it right up.

And everybody was okay with that. Yeah. Hilarious. I was like, dude, he's so cool, does coke. Well, you know, I want to win with the youth. And I know the cool drugs. Yeah. And that was funny. We're like, he got some guff for the menthol smoking thing,

but I never saw him smoke a cigarette. I did. Was he smoking his cigarette smoking back behind on a secret? No, no, no, no. No, I saw him smoking Marlboro Reds. I didn't see him smoke menthols. Oh, I always heard the rumor was menthols, but I never actually... Well, that's just racism in one of your alt-right chat rooms, Taylor. That's all that is. That's all that is. I picked that up in one of my crazy chat rooms.

Yeah, I could have sworn that I've seen him smoking... Yeah, I could have sworn I always saw him smoking Marlboro Reds. I could be wrong, but it would be kind of embarrassing if he was smoking Newports, wouldn't it? Fall right into that stereotype? I guess so, yeah. I don't really know my cigarette stereotypes. They're all just...

Yeah, I was unaware. Black people smoke menthols. Poor people smoke cigarettes. Prove me wrong. A lot of poor people do smoke cigarettes. It's a poor person thing. Like Kyle thinks of people living in vans. I think of people smoking cigarettes.

Okay. I don't associate poor people with cigarettes because a lot of people smoke cigarettes in Los Angeles. And I have to say that cigarettes are disgusting, but I think they look so cool. And that is so terrible yeah they do i'm like man if you were not terrible and you were not like link it was just the whole slew of problems sure but they're just they're not they're not for me i i prefer what everybody anybody ever tell you that smoking isn't cool smoking is cool. It's bad for you, but it's not good. I prefer a woman who smokes.

That's not cool. That's gross. That's disgusting. I figure that she's going to be down to do some stuff, and she always has a lighter on her. Two things. One, if she smokes, she pokes, is a thing that we worked with in high school. Two, when I did hook up with a smoker once,

it was disgusting. I've kissed ashtrays. It's so nasty. I've heard the expression like kissing an ashtray, and then I did it, and it became a showstopper for me. You kissed an ashtray? It's just secondhand cool is all that is. No, I shouldn't even say that smoking, the act of smoking is cool. Like, everything else is not. But, like, you see a cool Frenchman in the club smoking a cigarette, and you're like, man, that's cool.

Yeah. That's cool. And I definitely don't think it's a poor person thing because, especially in certain areas of the country, because poor people can't afford to smoke. If we're talking about $10 a pack. It's a, I'd say that there's a more a higher percentage of people who are poor that do smoke like if you if you broke up all the all the all the brackets like it's definitely higher that way uh but i i also don't think when somebody's smoking a cigarette i don't think you're working a minimum wage job or like you're not well off

and i'm with you like every time i've been in la like like especially if it's some sort of a like a movie set thing or some sort of professional gig where there's cameramen and directors and producers The cool people are smoking, Kyle! Everybody's outside and you look and you're like, you smoke? And you? You all smoke!

Oh, okay. And everybody smokes. How do you think they keep those bodies? They're suppressing snacks. Yeah, real cigarettes. That's another one. If you're smoking and you're thin, you're cheating. If you're smoking and you're fat, you've doubled down.

That's the real winner. You're fat and smoking. Now, here's one that I won't tolerate. A girl who dips. Now, I'm sure, I don't know if you guys have ever even seen this. Yes. But in the South, you see this occasionally. It is a rare thing, okay?

But there are definitely girls. I worked with a girl once. She dipped Copenhagen. She was cute. She was cute. She was good looking. She was kind of a tomboy, obviously, but she was fucking spit. I'm so gay because I'm processing She was good looking. She was kind of a tomboy, obviously, but she was fucking – she had a dick. Copenhagen?

I'm so gay because I'm processing – That's why I finished the hardcore one. I'm processing this in my head, and I'm like, all right, picture some hot – like Daisy Duke with that characteristic worn-out patch in her back pocket where the Copenhagen goes, and I can get on board with that. But the actual spitting and stuff and that's so my roommates in college i'll just imagine if she gives you a blow job she spits it on her hand first she's using that for the loop and you're getting a buzz you're getting a buzz because you're absorbing my roommates in college used to dip too like like three or four of the people in my hall would dip whether it was snooze or or just real dip and they would leave their dip bottles full like mountain dew bottles full of just spit everywhere and it would smell disgusting and

it was it was just the worst like out of everything you could do with tobacco that is the nastiest and like not cool there's a common characteristic of people that dip they underestimate how gross that bottle of spit is and it's not just gross like oh he did it last night and it's still in our living room that's disgusting but the mere fact that you're filling up that thing in my presence is pretty gross yeah spit it's a 16 ounce water bottle full of black spit. There's no other liquid in there. It's not water. It's just literally your saliva.

That's a considerate person though. Don't forget, the guy who's using the water bottle very considerate. My cousin would use a Dr. Pepper bottle. A hot summer's day, he and my dad are working and they hop back in the truck. My dad's parched he's

thirsty he's been working hard he's been driving a tractor or something he's been like moving a hay bale he's been he's thirsty and he looks and ah look at that a dr pepper almost full i bet it's still fizzy oh i could he doesn't even drink regular soda, but damn, I could use some sugar right about now, right? Just vomiting. But he starts vomiting before he can get out of the truck. He's spitting it everywhere. He made Scott clean it all up, and there was a rule imposed from that day forward. You can only spit in bottles in which the liquids are clear.

You can spit in a Sprite bottle, Mountain Dew bottle, water bottle. You do not spit in a Pepsi bottle, Coca-Cola bottle, Dr. Pepper bottle, none of that. There could be no more confusion. Dude, I remember cleaning up after parties and such in high school or college, and picking up, having to clean up somebody's vomit, gross,

but there's a distance there between you and that. You get your paper towels and everything, you get your cleaning solution, makes you feel a little invincible. Walking around, picking up, you know, the bottles were gross enough. The dip cups. The dip cups, which is just a red Solo cup sitting there with sloshing liquid. And having to, like, pick those up and then the movement of trying to get it to the trash would awaken that smell. It is, like, I can watch people be beheaded without gagging i can

watch people shit without gagging the only things that really disgust me on that level are dip spit and watching people eat boogers and snot who here i don't know why it's those two things who here besides taylor and myself have cleaned up another person's vomit that wasn't like a child or a family member i cleaned up somebody's shit last year uh somebody here i don't think i've told this story so i go my friend's having a um a moving out party he had a really cool house in beverly hills he was like i'm going so let's have everyone here everyone that i know so it's like 40 people you know i know half of them the other half are from like his side of the the other side of the friend. And we walk in and it's raining rare rain. It's like the springtime. And, uh, I go to the bathroom

and, and like somebody had tracked mud in there. And so there was a bunch of like a bunch of mud on the, on the, on the floor. And so I'm peeing, avoiding the mud when I hear knock on the door and my friend goes Tucker. And the way he said my name, I realized that just like everything really came to, it wasn't mud on the floor. He goes, somebody shit on the floor in that bathroom. And I, like, I looked around, it is, it is truly like somebody took their shoes off and shook them all over the floor. And I was like, Oh my God, like this is, this is incomprehensible how this could have happened and like nobody noticed There's a lot of people here and only one bathroom being used

So I helped clean it out or clean it up and then I look in the trash can and there's a pair of pink panties In there so I'm like we have a culprit There's some pantyless woman walking around who shit on the floor and like the worst there was a trail like drop drop drop drop to the door the like the worst there was a trail like drop drop drop drop to the door the door opens and there was shit outside of the door that that's why i was like this isn't shit this is mud that's a ballsy bitch how do you think this went down like i don't think she purposely pooped all over the floor like the band clearly she had it no it was liquid it was clearly like could not hold it but the the fact that you couldn't like i have i would never just stand up

to track down this person and find who the culprit was i wanted to they shit on the floor what i mean that's just a childish behavior i just wanted to say actually i would argue shitting on the floor is just an accident leaving the shit on the floor is where she went not doing anything right she could have cleaned it up with the toilet paper. There was a towel. Worst case scenario, use the towel and fucking hide it underneath the sink. And that way, like, okay, fine, you did something. Oh, God, imagine what would grow on it under there. I can remember at like seven years old. There's corn sprouting.

Breaking something and then putting it back really crappy, hoping that whoever did it next would think they broke it. Like, oh, I pulled the towel holder off the wall. I'll just put it on there. Barely. So that when Tucker takes a towel, he'll think he did it. That would be the... That doesn't really work, though, for pooping on the floor.

No, I wanted to go up there. Maybe the other guy shit all over the bathroom. Maybe Taylor will be like, I guess it was me. We never found out. It was a was me. We never found out. It was a ruse. Sad. You never found out. The other thing about smokers I'll put out,

I don't know what goes through their head exactly, but they don't seem to consider cigarette butts to be litter like everybody else does. They'll toss it here and there. I don't think they're tossing their Big Mac wrappers just out casually, Like everybody else does, right? They'll toss it here and there. And I don't think they're tossing their, like, I don't know,

Big Mac wrappers just out casually. But with a cigarette butt, I don't think twice. I've never seen Big Mac wrappers thrown around in, like, fairgrounds and things. Like, just the other day, I went to some Anaheiser Bush here. Their brewery has, like, a thing they do every winter where they, like, close off their giant area and they have, like, all the streets with lights and like they sell food and beer and shit and i was there with some friends and my girlfriend was like man it's really nice there's no there's no

cigarettes around because no one we were with was a smoker and he was like i gotta go way over here to smoke and like i looked around and you know you do that first glance of an area and you're like man i guess there really aren't any cigarettes and then i spent i don't know an eighth of a second like zooming in and i'm like oh no there's there's like five or six there's another there's another three there's there's like 10 over there and it's like oh okay like these people really do like you're right a lot of smokers don't consider it at all litter and you're for a smoker it is litter you're littering yeah you're totally littering you're fucking it up man people who smoke a cigarette in the car and there's like a cop they don't know about behind

them and they throw the butt out and then the cop pulls them over I like those videos littering and the people would work on our house like when we first got it we had a lot of renovations done before we moved in and they weren't leaving their bottles of Gatorade out in the yard they weren't

leaving you know the wrappers for their food or their little honey buns or whatever they ate before they started working in the morning. But cigarette butts, there were like 20, 30 of them in the grass. And it's not like those disappear. They're there. It depends where you are. I was always, like sometimes

I'd be somewhere where it's like, yeah, this is a flick it and forget it kind of an area we're in here. But I definitely have been at people's places smoking cigarettes and been like, probably shouldn't flick this. Take the cigarette out of your mouth, put it out on the bottom of your shoe, make sure it's

good now, and then put it in your fucking pocket. I just put it in my pocket, and then at the end of the day, I'd have a pocket full of cigarette butts to dispose of, but I felt like maybe they even saw me do that and was like, oh, look how considerate that guy is. That's a nice guy. That is a considerate thing. And he puts out.

Everyone I know that's been in the military that smokes, every single one of them is super conscientious of not throwing their cigarette butts on the ground. I guess in their world, you just don't do that. They don't litter with cigarette butts. Those military guys are not conscientious

about dip spit cups and bottles at all. I think that must be just a dip person thing because my most courteous of courteous friends who would never do something as rude as to even point over a Chipotle or Qdoba glass counter at the ingredient they wanted. They would ask for it politely. They would never even do that.

They'll leave open cups of spit around and not even realize how gross it is oh it's off i wish fuck you what could i do fuck you fuck you and your addiction yeah what could we do as non-dippers leave a cup of something nasty at their house would it be and so they just fill a cup of spit no would it be worse to just fill a cup of non-dip spit and leave it there? You know what I mean? You don't even have a reason to leave spit there. Just have cups

of spit around. Why would you do this? Why? But why, Tucker? I wanted to teach you a lesson. Did you learn anything? I think you leave cups of piss laying around. I think that's the payback. I had to go. I had to go.

Why didn't you go to the bathroom? Do you go to the bathroom every time you spit? There's a streamer that pisses in bottles. What's your name? Him. I'm just saying I've never pissed in a bottle before. Or a cup. You've never pissed in a bottle before or a cup. You've never pissed in a bottle?

Like when you're having to drive something? You've never had to try and pee in a bottle and get it all over yourself driving? No. I was going to just say the worst is that I had to go to the bathroom really bad one time. I couldn't hold it in downtown Los Angeles. So I got out and I peed in a parking garage. And that like oh you're an ater but yeah that was no i just not exposed to weather you become a sex offender like that you don't want to fuck around with peeing in public i i usually have a gatorade because the way atlanta traffic is i usually have a gatorade bottle in my vehicle

and i have gotten great at pissing in the car i sort of i get my pants down not to my knees i'm not butters right they're not down around my ankles or anything but i pull them down okay there's no need to get under the butt cheek a little bit i see and i elevate myself a little bit you know get a little bit high and i with my thumb on the back of my cock, I get it. And like these two fingers cupping like the rim of the bottle, I make sure that my cock stays in the bottle. Do you have a visual aid you can show us this move with? You just mush

it in there? Can you get a hot dog in a bottle? Can you catch a snake? You get the whole cock in there. The whole cock in there. Wait, what happens if you piss? Have you ever filled it? That's how I do it. I have a can of soda. I have. Wait, what happens if you piss? Have you ever filled it? That's how I do it. I have a can of soda. I have.

What do you mean? If it starts getting too full, I stop. I have to stop. You have to be very careful with pinching it off because as soon as you let go, whatever's left is going to spray all over your pants there in the car. That's happened before. Then you've got to dump piss out the window in traffic and i

i'm looking in the rear view mirror like is this the kind of person who would judge an unknown yellow liquid being poured out of a gatorade bottle here on interstate i-85 like are they gonna have an issue with this and if i if i don't think they will just write out the window i don't care if it gets on the car door or whatever Just get it out Let me ask this What is traffic doing while you're peeing and pouring Are you stop and go

Are you at 30 are you at 80 Certainly not at 80 Because then you get like all that crazy wind It blows everywhere and it can get back on you And it definitely gets all over the side of the car I want to be going slow Like 25 tops if I'm pouring. That's an attentive driving situation, though, right?

That's what I'm saying. I could argue at 80 what the driver needs to do is less. No, at 80 you're throwing that out there and you're effectively painting the car behind you with mist. For the pour, but not for the pee. For the pissing. See, this is why my technique is so important. Let me grab a Gatorade bottle.

We're going to see Kyle's thick six. Oh, shit. I want to know what he comes back with. I hope he has a hot dog and not just a bottle. He has a hot dog. I think he heard me. That would be hilarious. Yes.

I can imagine what he's doing. He's saying you hook your fingers around the back of it, and then you just mush ahead of your neck. I get he heard me. That would be hilarious. I can imagine what he's doing. He's saying you hook your fingers around the back of it and then you just mush the head of your dog. I'm just trying to paint a very vivid picture for the listeners out there who won't have the benefit of seeing Kyle Nash's cock head into the opening.

God, I'm excited for this one. I know he's good at it. I've watched him do it. He's got a talent, they say. Everybody gets something. So, with with these two fingers you get the rim of the bottle like so now it's important that you that you have this sorry where's the pivot where's the if you want yeah you want to angle down because if you're peeing in a bottle like this it takes very little urine before you're pouring urine all over your balls. So that's why you have to elevate yourself up out of the seat a little bit so that you can get that pivot on the bottle. Keep it low.

Now, with your thumb. Now, at first, if you aren't watching, Kyle has placed a hot dog into the opening of the Gatorade. Please make this a highlight. Wow, this is so vivid. You put your penis that far down into it, do you? No choice. He's got nine inches.

You can't just put one. It's a remarkably long and thin penis. And then when you're done, you just roll it back up. So you get it in there, and your thumb is sort of pressing on the back of your cock, making sure that it doesn't pop out and go crazy

town on you, turn into a sprinkler. Because in the heat of traffic, you can't do anything about that. You just gotta sit there and get warm and wet. That's what's gonna happen. So you're holding it in there like this, maintaining the pivot. Very important. And when we get up to about, you know, this level, what's going to happen. You're holding it in there like this, maintaining the pivot. Very important. When we get up to about this level, it's time to pour.

Okay? You really don't give yourself a lot of... You're going to stop the stream if you have to. You have to stop the stream. That could require a couple of things. You look like you practice Kegels. Sometimes... That's an old hot dog, too.

I'm not kidding. Sometimes, I'll just make sure I get all the pee out of my system if I'm finishing. But if I'm stopping in the middle, I gotta pinch it off. Alright? So we get our cock out. Oh, there's a hair on it. Where'd that even come from?

That's late puberty. Alright. Oh, it's a big long one. That ain't even my hair. And you get her pinched off and then you have to... It's hard now because you have one hand in your lap pinching your cock off. It's hard or the situation has become difficult?

Both. Because we're in public and this is a bit of a fetish for me. So now we're driving with our knees and reaching over with our left, getting that window down, dumping our piss out, and we're going public and this is a bit of a fetish for me so now we're driving with our knees and reaching over their left getting that window down dumping our piss out and we're going back in we're going back in we're going back in for more all the while we're keeping an eye out for truckers because i love to see this sort of thing they're always looking for a lot lizard that they can crack open like a coconut at some some low-rent motel a A lot lizard. Yeah, a lot lizard, yeah. That's what they call us.

That's what they call us. I like picturing you just enjoying being seen peeing so much that you're just aimlessly sitting in parking lots waiting to have to pee. And then you start to drive. No, I don't want anyone to see me.

Have we all gotten roadhead, though? Yeah. Not recently enough. I feel like that's a young man's game, and I disagree, but it seems to be. Some girls want to be super sneaky about it, but some are more adventurous. So get her up on her knees in the passenger seat with her ass pointed out the window and get her pants down so you can spank her ass as you're driving through traffic with her ass right in

the window. So everybody knows what's going on. That's me and my chicks move when I pass on the left side. Wakes. I accelerate quickly past wakes to make sure she has her ass and pussy on display. It's what he or she would have wanted to see before they go to the great beyond. That's right.

It's respectful. It's respectful. Military funeral, whatever. You know they would have liked it. If you were going to die, and you knew somehow afterward, you're like, alright, your funeral procession on the highway, you can choose post-mortem. There will be a rude couple

who drives up and everybody gets an eye full of pussy and ass or that doesn't happen now funerals are a dime a dozen everybody dies but people are always going to remember taylor's funeral because they got to see some chick flicking the bean and sucking dick passing you know as the old people in my family uh are mourning the loss like that with a they will always remember my funeral. With a ruby-encrusted butt plug in. It has to be ruby. That was the statement. No, it just says R.I.P.

Make sure this is not part of the highlight, Legitimate Rage. It's the P. Absolutely. Yeah, but yeah, that's how you pee in traffic. And I pee in traffic pretty regularly. I never do. On a pretty regular basis. I will if I have to pull over, not just onto the shoulder, but onto the grass next to the shoulder. And either walk into the trees or use my truck as some amount of cover.

Whatever I think is better for this situation. Not an option. Oh. Yeah. Okay. That's not an option. I'm in six lanes wide of traffic. And it's going slow.

And I've been holding it. It's been an emergency for 20 minutes and i've got 30 more minutes to go and if i were to get first of all it would take me 15 minutes just to get over the six lanes to get off on an exit and find a gas station but then getting back on is it's going to be a real hassle we're in awful rush hour atlanta traffic it's it's going to be a real hassle. We're in awful rush hour Atlanta traffic. Everybody talks about LA traffic. I've been in both. Atlanta is as bad as it gets. Atlanta is terrible.

I don't know why New York traffic doesn't get more credit. LA people just fuss more. California people think that their traffic is unique. No, man. Go to New York. It's an aggressive, dense traffic that is just what driving is like. Whereas in LA, it's an aggressive dense traffic that is just what driving is like. Whereas in LA it's almost like, man, a couple times a day

it's really terrible. I agree. I think the DC traffic is the worst of all because that city is specifically designed to be difficult to get out of in case there's a terrorist attack. It's hard to escape. But Los Angeles is look it up. I don't know if that's up. I don't know if that's true.

I don't know if that's true. No, my mind's already made up. I believe you. It is. It's true. But the reason that Los Angeles traffic sucks is because in New York, you don't have to drive. And like in Atlanta, you do have to drive to an extent, but you always have to drive in Los Angeles.

So it's not that it's bad traffic. Everyone's always going somewhere, so there's always traffic. I've got the list. So this is which U.S. cities were the worst. Led by Los Angeles, the 10 most congested American cities and the number of hours spent in traffic were as follows. L.A. at number one, 102 hours.

I don't know how, is it a month? Yeah, I don't know. New York, number two, at 91. San Fran at 79.lanta number four is 70 dc is sixth at uh 63 hours followed by boston chicago seattle and dallas i think there's a thing about la whatever it is culturally or something they're more inclined to live outside of la right a lot of people who work in new york in New York. There's the density. It's the population density. There's not enough shit.

LA has decided, for whatever reason, they built out instead of up. And that's why they sit in traffic. It's not that the traffic is... It's just that they're 40 miles away from home. That's how Atlanta is as well. Most people live in the suburbs. It's very, very expensive to live downtown,

downtown. Downtown is a business district, almost exclusively. And so everybody works there, but nobody lives there. And so that means that every morning, everybody is coming in from north, south, east, and west into the center of the city. And every night, it's the opposite. They're trying to get out. In the morning, it's very easy to get out of the city it's not a big deal and in the evening it's very easy to get into the city but the opposite is always we might all be too old for this to happen in our lifetime but the tunnel thing is exciting to me have you guys seen elon musk it's fucking stupid really it's the dumbest shit you say tomato i say tomato why is it stupid?

Is this the boring company you're talking about? Okay, first of all, yes, it's the boring company. Okay, so the proposed thing is going to go from somewhere in Santa Monica to Dodger Stadium. That's the tunnel that they're doing. The one that was supposed to go north-south or whatever the hell, they can't do it anymore. So there's only one tunnel, and it's going to Dodger Stadium. First of all, it's kind of dumb. But if you treat it like a fast pass lane where it's like,

here's $10, I get to go with my car and skip all the traffic, sure, I can see that being worth it. The problem is, if you watch the video, not only is the video sped up and filmed in fisheye so it looks like the car is going faster, and the fact that he hasn't said how fast it goes just how fast it's capable of going even he just says it's capable of going 150 miles an hour that video the car is not going 150 miles an hour it's also not going the full length it the whole process of loading and unloading and offloading the car is a full minute so at best you can get what you know five cars in five minutes like if you're waiting more than

10 minutes to get on this thing then you might as well just drive why are you paying for it anyways because it's it's not a long distance so this is the first step though right you know it's a brand new technology that he's inventing for a second it's not a brand new technology it's a train it i the problem that he's looking to solve is us humans have built in 3D, but then we commute in 2D. And naturally, you're going to have congestion because of that. So he's like, the only solution to this is not better 2D, but to go 3D on the driving too. Okay, right. All right.

I'm coming on board. He took a guy from SpaceX. He worked for Tesla or whatever. Elon Musk, I'll say. He worked for Elon Musk for like a decade. And he didn't know anything about digging holes. And the guy's like, you know what? At first, you won't be great at it, but you'll learn and you'll get better. Do you want to lead the boring company?

And I guess it's just not the kind of thing you say no to. So he went from working on rockets to digging holes. And they built a one-mile-long prototype. I hated the video I saw because it was this woman acting scared to death, grabbing Elon Musk's inner thigh to calm herself. And it was just disgusting the way she – Kind of butt plug. And they're going 20 miles an hour. 20 to 30 is all they went.

And I've ridden bicycles faster than that. And she's petrified. Fucking worthless cunt. But – Jesus. Hey, call it like I see it. Yeah, true. But the concept, the concept of being able to do this at $10 million a mile, I don't know that that's that much cheaper or more than a road.

How much does a road cost to build? a mile. I don't know that that's that much cheaper or more than a road. How much does a road cost to build? And when you can start stacking these things, and I get it takes a minute to get on and a minute to get off. So it only works if it's kind of longer. He says you can go 120 miles an hour. I heard you heard 150. 150, yeah. Yeah. So, but you know, you stretch it out to 15 miles and suddenly you're practically warp speeding people from Atlanta to where it's not so congested anymore from the middle of LA to where things distribute and spread some more. The idea is great. The one mile prototype he has, it's a proof of concept. So why not a train? Why not make it a train? Like a subway system. You know, you're kind of stumping me on this one. Because it's gotta be 3D.

It's all Tucker, you're not getting it. The crux of this comes down to 3D. Subways are 3D. That's what I ran to in my head. Yeah, like the whole idea of digging tunnels efficiently and doing it well, wonderful. The reason that the other tunnel

got blocked was for environmental issues because they were just going to tunnel like 15 miles through Santa Monica. Let me interrupt because Tesla, not Tesla, Elon side of that is he's like there are a lot of retired people in this community. They're retired attorneys and literally they just sue people all the time. They have nothing but time on their hands. And he's like it was too much for us, you know, as a starter tunnel. That's his but time on their hands. And he's like, it was too much for us as a starter tunnel. That's his side of it. Yeah, I mean, whatever the reason, I don't really care.

Building out the tunnel, that tech, cool. That's great. I want a good public transit system. However, loading on and off cars, even if you're doing it really quickly, like five seconds, it's dropping you down in five seconds. So you're like in a roller coaster right and then you're getting shot off at 150 miles an hour it's just a terrifying

experience awesome i mean i would be i would be about it but still it's like why not a train instead and then you can put 40 people in the same amount of space that you could put 10 people in a van you know what i mean it? It's just not as efficient. It's not. I hear you. I can't understand why the car thing is better. Because then you've got to store cars on the other side, right? I think it's for commuting. It's like a fast pass lane.

That's why I was thinking like, oh, if you told me I could go from my house to LAX in three minutes. Let's say five minutes to get to the place because I live right next to it. Five minutes to get to the place and then eight minutes total. Saves me about 35 minutes. And you tell me it costs $5. I'll do that every time.

Five bucks to go and make my trip shorter, fine. But that's going to be too many people are going to be like, well, yeah. And then when there's too many people, then it backs up and it becomes less worth it. So like 25 bucks, like. And then when there's too many people, then it backs up and it becomes less worth it. So like $25? How much is your time worth versus how much can it handle car-wise?

What we need is a big parking lot, lots of small trains, light rail. Because I don't want to come in every 30 minutes. Fuck that. It needs to come every five. Let's go Disney on this thing. It needs to be every one minute, to be honest. I like the way you're working. And then in the other side of the train station, as a last mile solution, electric scooters.

Taylor, back me up. No, I'm all for that. I know you hate them, but okay. You hate like birds or whatever? Total transition to electric scooters. No, I hate them here because maybe in a city like, I don't know, Salt Lake, it makes sense, but all that's happened in St. Louis

is a slew of burglaries and muggings of people doing that and then using other people's cards to drive away on scooters. That's weird. Never heard. That's crazy. I haven't heard about that. Welcome to St. Louis. Scooter bandits. Bit of a shithole.

Yeah. I love them. Overall, it's a really neat idea. I just think they should have asked somebody before they dropped all the scooters on the street. They really didn't ask anyone. They just kind of did it. That was the funniest part of that South Park episode that resonated so much with me when they made fun of the scooters. I think it was Mr. Mackey

who was like, I don't want to live in a world where everybody's just scooting around. And you know, these fuckers, they just dropped a bunch of scooters. They didn't ask anybody first. And it was like, oh my god. That's true. This company's just like, yeah, you're all motor of transportation, walking on the sidewalk. Fuck you.

We made scooters. Taylor, I have this question for you, and I'm trying to answer it in such a way that you don't dox yourself. When you chose your apartment, it seems like you picked what I'm guessing is convenient to the city over low crime, low density. What did you pick with your house? to the city over like low crime, low density. What'd you pick with your house? Oh, like, well, I wasn't worried about property values around the city area because I knew I wasn't going to buy anything. But after living around here for a while, I was like, yeah, I absolutely have to take

crime into consideration when I pick somewhere else. If all the houses in the city right now, like there are near me, like a couple houses worth millions. All of them are on sale. houses in the city right now like there are near me like a couple houses like worth millions all of them are on sale and these people are all gonna eat their asses on it because like nobody wants to move in like no nobody wants to move into this area it's just too fucking dangerous like nobody's like oh yeah i'll buy this right now and flip it because it's like the writing's on the wall this area is going to be a shithole like businesses are already renting is yeah yeah like it's it's just i don't know the city's been on such a downturn for some time that i was like

all right i gotta i gotta get like out of out of the city area to somewhere with less crime which the whole surrounding area other than like east st louis not as bad crime for sure how long are you holding new commutes pretty similar oh okay yeah it's not not a yeah yeah not a not a huge deal it's just uh yeah it'll be nice not having to deal with as many homeless people because that has gotten fucking taxing yeah i don't know what the homeless are like out in la like i think la i got aggressive homeless people i've got you know we've got resident ones i live on a on pretty popular street so it's like i have one that is that lives on my block and then one on the other side. And it's like,

it's awkward. Cause we make eye contact every day. Resident homeless sounds like an oxymoron though. You know, it does, but it's his block. He sleeps in the, uh,

in like the driveways. Uh, and people, you know, like, what do you think? What do you think about when they make those areas that the homeless normally sleep in sort of hard to sleep in like like when they like like uh they add the little

bumps and ridges and spikes yeah on things or they make the benches like this wavy shape or they put uh they make the benches so every seat is divided by a bar so you can't lay down yeah i just think that i think there's so many better places to be homeless. If you really had no choice, sleeping on a park bench is fine, but they have camps set up underneath underpasses. They've got a whole city. Skid Row's a city.

That doesn't seem good to me. First of all, I'm trying to say, Taylor, St. Louis might be cool and all for murder, but for homeless, I really feel like you'll have a hard time competing with L.A. Have you been to Skid Row? No, I've never hung out on Skid Row. No, you can drive past it and just you get it.

You understand. You're like, Jesus. Yeah. I'm like, why are there like twelve hundred homeless people all hanging out together? They must be giving out food or something. all hanging out together. They must be giving out food or something. People do go down there and give out food and they do those investigative journalism where

some vlogger goes in there and hands out $100. It's like the Forbidden City or whatever in China or Taiwan. I don't know which one it is. It says there's a stable population between 5,000 and 8,000 of homeless people

that always live there. That's a huge amount of homeless for a small area. And it's dense. It would only take 18 ounces of ricin to poison them all. I just did some calculations here. How many beans is that, Kyle? 4,700 beans. That would take

care of every hobo that lives in the metro area. PK is so fucked up. What do you do with the bodies, though? What if we offered the homeless $50 a piece to kill and dispose of another homeless? You only have to pay a couple.

Eventually, you'll have one. Homeless Battle Royale. Look, why aren't we monetizing this? It should take two weeks. We'll call it Fortnite. You know, I think someone tried to monetize it 15 years ago, and it didn't work. Oh, that's funny. Just build a home. How are you homeless? I've been talking about hobo gladiatorial games for at least six years now, okay?

Let's not act like this was not a Kyle original idea. That and the hobo rickshaws, both of these things, all me. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, nobody's going to say those aren't brilliant ideas. Yeah, nobody's trying to take credit for those. I'd love to have the homeless fight to the death in some sort of gladiatorial arena, and we'd bet on it. Like, UFC would be out of business in a week.

UFC would be out of business in a week when Rufus the Hammerer stepped onto the scene and he started just smashing... Or would it be weapons? I don't think America's ready for actual gore on TV. It's going to be like that part in Spartacus, the TV show,

where he has to go fight in the pit and they reach in and they grab the cards and the guy says something in Greek and then they pick up up a weapon that's what it's going to be like homeless guy's got to reach in and it's like fucking ball peen hammer and he grabs that and the other guy gets like no i just one of those uh joe rogan kettlebells with a monkey head on it and then you just go bananas it's gonna be fun i love that i'd be i'd be interested go bananas. It's going to be fun. I love that. I'd be interested. It'd be like...

It'd be fun to see people get, like, good and bad weapons, right? One guy walks in, Bowie knife. The other guy, like, Shake weight. Fuck! I want to see Shake weight.

Fuck you, Stan. He's got two! Now, as far as tactics, he doesn't have much working for him, but look at those forearm flexes. I'd love to see that. We've got, we had this huge resource of homeless. I've got lots, most of my ideas are about the homeless. There's also my Expendables military squad

that I've been trying to get Trump to buy into, where we just load up all those homeless people, arm them very well, and then just drop them into somewhere we don't like those people. You know, we just send them to Syria or something like that. Somewhere where they're not anymore. Can't go back to Syria. I know. I was like, should I bring this up? Should I bring this up? Thank you, Tucker. It's the new military approach. Homeless drop. I was what I've been thinking about Taylor the whole time. So Taylor is on a political spectrum, mostly non interventionist. I think that he doesn't aspire to be the world's policeman. And that's fair. So most of the news that I see, even Fox, but certainly all the ones that tend to lean against Trump by default are not liking this move. Mattis

just quit, you know, he resigned, but whatever. He says he doesn't agree with Trump on, on the way that he's going. I don't know that Trump's wrong. You know, I disagree with a lot of Trump stuff, but not just reflexively. And it's just,

I like the stuff I like. And I like that. Don't like the stuff I don't like. He tweeted today, something that made a ton of sense. I'll paraphrase it as like, look, we're the world's policemen.

It costs us a ton of money. It costs us precious lives. And not only do they not appreciate it, they literally don't want it. So we're out. And then now all the news I absorb, and it's been this way for a couple years now, not just a couple days, is acting like Syria is the linchpin, like the center of the globe. And if we'd somehow don't come out winning Syria's love and it goes to Russia that like, where will America be in 2025 without Syria? I don't give a fuck about what is Syria? Why is Syria so important?

Someone lay this out to me while like, it's just Vietnam. The group of the majority right now, like the average, the average person out there doesn't want us in Syria. They don't want us in Afghanistan. They don't want us fiddle fucking around. Our own men dying, civilians there,

countless civilians dying, having their infrastructure destroyed, starving to death, you know, unclean water, things like that. But it's funny, all those voices of people you talk to every day, like, yeah, I really don't like, people on the left that I'm friends with, people on the left that I'm friends with,

people on the right that I'm friends with, something that usually unites them is, yeah, I'm tired of us fiddling around in the Middle East. And as soon as something like this happens, it's really eye-opening to see all the fucking neocons and all the neolibs come together and forget everything else for a minute, to be like, no, but the really important thing is

is that we keep warring. We need to make sure we're still at war. You know, this is really important right now. Like, think ramifications you know i saw some like hot takes from mostly uh neo-conservatives today being like oh this is just offering syria as a gift to putin on a silver platter and it's like that's not how this works we don't own syria to give as a gift it's and we're just hanging off to Putin. No, we shouldn't be there in the fucking first place. Oh, did I get robot-y? I can tell because everybody got all

condescending and nodding. But no, I'll... You're not on wireless, are you? We don't need to be there. We're losing guys. Their civilians are dying there, and it's just... How do you feel about my...

It shows how powerful the military industrial complex is and so many of these corporations that make money through conflict that this is the really important thing. No, no, no, we've got to stay at war. Meanwhile, everybody I talk to in real life, not talking heads on CNN or Fox, seems to be against this. How do you feel about my hobo squad going in

and taking care of a little business over there? That would be hilarious. They're riddled with disease, by the way. They're going to spread that rampant... Biological warfare. Give them smallpox and airdrop them in. They already have, like, God knows.

Yeah. Give them smallpox. Sure, Tucker. You know, we didn't do that. That's untrue they're like native americans smallpox sure tucker you know we didn't do that that's untrue the whole thing about the smallpox blankets is a lie and a myth hey taylor you're not on wireless are you uh just uh no okay no i'm wired in yeah we didn't lewis we did not do that to the american savage uh they they now now while it is true savage american you non-pc crazy person well i was talking about i was talking about the singular american savage when i talk about them as a group they're the savage americans see see i'm just trying to be my mistake yeah i'm trying to be uh

i'm trying to be accurate here we're gonna make this catch on while we did like like i was i don't know what i was listening to or reading the other day, but I guess the deal was that European diseases killed like 90% of the savage Americans. And they say that that is why when we got out to the West, there were these gigantic herds of buffalo, these enormous herds of buffalo. They said that that wasn't the norm until the disease swept across the continent and wiped out so many savage americans and they said that that absolute was not the norm before them and uh and but the whole idea of us giving them uh smallpox blankets apparently is is is a falsehood just didn't happen

what would the negative american thing be for English? Because that's my background, Woodworth. Oh, yeah. Like a limey Brit. Limey? Is that a thing? We would call them? What did you say, Tucker? No, no, no.

I was asking what you said. Pan-American? Pale. Oh, pale American. Yeah, it's not a good one. Not for... No. Is this what we would call them

or what they would call us? I'm trying to draw a parallel between Savage American and my own people, the British. What makes you think you're British? My last name. And my grandfather was from England.

Well, my goodness, Kyle, the fact that you bring that up... I'm obsessed. What would you bring me as? Men with bad teeth and pasty midsection. We all need to do a DNA test and a testosterone test. I want all of this information.

This would be great for the show. The testosterone test, 75 bucks. You order it. You fucking, I think you prick your fingers, send them a little blood back. They tell you what your T levels are. They're probably going to be like, oh. I do not like sending my DNA to companies in the mail. Yeah, I was going to say, this is a registry shit.

I'm not doing that. This is how they decide who gets to go to Mars. You don't have to give them your fucking name, Taylor. Write Carlos Mencia on there. They're going to have your DNA, though. Ooh, that'd be interesting. They won't know who you are, though. Taylor, if you told them your name was like Dominic Wilkins or something,

I don't know, I'm trying to come up with a black name. Put it in a database and run it when you commit a crime. Would they come back and say you're from Chad or something? No, no, it would be hilarious. They have is you. They put the sample in the computer.

And then when you commit a crime and they're like, we need to figure out whose DNA this is. They put it in there. And then they're like, look, we already have one on record. It's the same dude. He said,

yeah, yeah. Carlos. Here's where I got upset. I was just doing a joke. It wasn't right for anybody. You can send it doing a joke. He wasn't raping anybody. You can send it from my house. I don't care.

Well, actually, why would I want that? But Tucker, if you give them a fake name, do they really connect it to you? No, they can't. That's what you do. First of all, they already got my DNA. You're right. Honestly, you're right. I don't really know.

My DNA has already been given. But for anyone who doesn't want a company selling their third party dna to someone or whatever or maybe you've got an uncle who's a raper you know i think that's that's that's why taylor really doesn't want to get this up yeah you know that happens all the time that happens all the time for someone like they just do a 23andme or an ancestry.com and then it turns out that their uncle's a raper and they connect the dots and then they go lock the uncle up. He's like, you had to know, didn't you, Billy?

You had to know. 97% Germanic. I hope you're proud of yourself because I'm going away for 35. You shouldn't have raped all those children. It could have been all those. It totally is. That would be a good am I an asshole?

I really want to know what my testosterone levels are. And I got my dad arrested for a string of rapes in the 80s. Kyle, what are your people? I said British. You pushed back. I don't know why. What are yours? I didn't push back.

I was just wondering what made you think that. Oh, because he came on from England in a boat. Yeah. My name is just Germanic. that's all i really know um i'd like to do one of those tests though and find out i'm pretty pale i don't tan very well um you know most like i've traced my like direct lineage back like three or four generations to like the great great grandfather or something like that and they're all like you know-great-grandfather or something like that, and they're all like, you know, Scotch-Irish or some shit like that. Yeah, a bunch of drunkards and miscreants.

But the name Myers is German in its ancestry. But, you know, maybe we pull up the old DNA and there's some sort of Scandinavian ancestry or something like that. You don't know until you find out, you know. Yeah. Even if your ancestor was from England, maybe he came there from Poland, right? Could be, yeah.

He's a redhead. Maybe he was Irish. My father's side is super simple. One from Ireland, one from England. And then that's as far back as we look. My mother's side, I don't even know. There's wives tales in there of the Mexican thing. There's a, I guess she was a daughter

of the American Revolution. Like there's a scholarship available for that that they looked into one time. I don't know. So half the family is simple, half the family is question mark. I want the test. I'd love to do that.

If nothing else, the testosterone test, cause then they're not, you know, Taylor doesn't have to worry about exposing his uncle for all those rapes in the eighties. God damn it. That was a pre-show conversation. Did anybody else come down on the other side of the Syria thing where you're

like, no, we should stay at war. I think Tucker might have. No, no, no. I see some of the positives you know like like

maintaining some sort of influence in that region and you know the iranians have israel like they're our ally and we have a ton of influence with them yeah i'm sure there are shipping routes there that are that are crucial some of the uh and i i don't know there's something about letting the iranians get one over uh and buddying up more and more to the Russians that might be bad geopolitically. But no, I'm definitely on your side. I'm not very intro... I had a space... I don't like it when we become the world police

and we're everywhere and anywhere at any given time. There are definitely corners of the globe that we need to enforce our influence. I think Korea is one of them. I think it's a good thing that we've been there for 50 years or whatever, and it's probably important that we stay there for a while longer. All you have to do to see that that's been a good thing is that, you know, that space photograph of South Korea all lit up and beautiful and an industrialized technological powerhouse,

and then the North with concentration camps and starving people and you know they're like a full inch or two shorter than their south their southern counterparts because of the malnutrition um i've heard syria described as fighting israel's war for them and i i'm just sensitive to the imbalance we have in our israel israeli relationship i feel like we give give give they take take take and it's just been that way for as long as i can remember and it's like i'm sure we get some good shit from them i i bet i i bet it's very i bet we get a lot of things from them that that you don't want to brag about i bet that's a good place to send people to get them interrogated i bet it's a good long i but it's good to uh like house some of our

nuclear weapons there and just put them in their pocket uh it's probably a a good thing to i bet their intelligence agencies work very well hand in hand with ours they're already over there they've got we've got common enemies for sure and we looked up how much it costs remember it was a very tiny amount uh what like how much money we give israel every year like it was remember it was this very tiny amount uh what like how much money we give israel every year like it was us it was we just signed an agreement to give them 38 billion more dollars over how much time uh i don't know exactly i think it's about 10 years so like 4 billion a year so that's that's quite a bit of money is that weapon sales or is that just free money i i don't know i think it well no it definitely wasn't weapon sales i think it was like a military aid package to them is how they framed it i would hope so it's

basically like a way for them to take taxpayer money give it to israel then have israel buy back no weapons yeah and then you know those those giant companies like who lockheed martin and whoever make a killing boeing and m's. Boeing, Lockheed Martin. Yeah. Yeah, that's what like turns me off to it is like so many of these fucking giant companies have turned this into a business. And it's like the average American that's dying over there. They don't deserve that. The average citizen of those countries in Syria doesn't deserve that. Like, I don't know, maybe somebody will come up with a really compelling argument that will change my mind because I am a fat-headed idiot.

But, yeah, yeah no it just doesn't it doesn't wash it just seems like if it would if something good was going to happen with this it would have happened by now taylor it takes 30 50 70 years north korea has now said their nuclear program is back on they might have said fuck you you know just like ah it's like piss on trump week that stinks because like he picked a bad week for it because nobody's even paying attention to him he's just like impotently yelling over there in north korea so all this stuff i'm seeing is like not very much him related this week but on uh you know i was you know how we talked about like love languages and things

before yes one of my favorites i was yeah I was thinking about it and telling your girlfriend that your love language is acts of service is way more effective than just asking for blowjobs all the time. Is it? Yeah. We just learned something about Taylor, ladies and gentlemen.

There you go. Congrats on the recent uptick in oral sex. Here's a guy who likes oral sex. I like acts of service. And the service act I like is you sucking my cock. Well, in equally important global news, Alfonso Rivera is suing Fortnite for taking the Carlton dance. Okay.

Where do we stand on this? I don't know a detail about it. Well, Carlton has nothing to stand on at all first of all oh really it is his dance he he did originate the dance i can do the shit out of that dance i remember i watched a ton of the fresh prince abella i watched press fresh prince for years as a kid i'm not doing it on the show i refuse and uh and it is his dance and they have taken it but you can't, copyright trademark a dance. That shit won't work.

Chubby Checkers invented the twist. Didn't Michael Jackson do that? Chubby Checkers invented the twist, right? Come on, baby, let's do the twist. All right? That was his fucking dance. He wrote it. He made a song about his dance and made it sweep the country and the world.

He didn't get anywhere with trying to soothe when people took the twist either. He couldn't do it. There's no way Carlton could do it. Superman that hoe. No. The difference... Jesus. Jesus. Come on. Kyle, those furrowed brows. Disgusting.

You all fussed, but the fans liked it. The difference is that I think that the difference is that it is a a dance that is central to him and they are profiting off of it it's not like directly there's a transaction specifically for that i don't think that he has a leg to stand on either i'm just saying that i don't think that it's a baseless claim to say that he shouldn't in some way, shape, or form be cut in here. Although I do know that with Scrubs, with the default dance, Turk, I forget his real name, he made that up on the spot, that dance.

And then when Fortnite asked the company, hey, can we use this? They were like, yeah, it's a character's dance. So it's not owned by somebody. It's just what the character did in the show so you can use that so that's brings up an interesting point to me so in that case i guess they ask permission but where does the ownership land right does did carlton make up that dance or is there some choreographer who could say i made up that dance i think carlton the the fresh prince as a tv show right some enterprise owns that and redistribute distribution rights and things like that do they own that dance right you know because if you work for me and then you make some software product or something that's mine i paid you to

make it i own the thing that you made like all that stuff i wrote for cisco is not mine it's theirs right because because they were paying for it that's where how it works why carlton the actor working on that show thinks that he personally deserves royalties for things he did on the show i don't know i i guess i hope he's right i don't know who i'm rooting for in this thing uh i think there's a lot of players i think he's right i think it's his dance but i don't think it's going to matter i think that that's what's what's going to happen it's not the show's dance it's not a choreographer's dance. Alfonso Rivera invented that dance.

He came up with it. He just did it. It was his thing. He stole some little pieces of it. I can't think of... Bruce Springsteen. Yeah, there's a part of it that's similar to the Bruce Springsteen thing.

The core of it. When he does this. There's a lot more to it than that, though. So it's definitely Carlton's dance, but it's not going to matter. Wasn't Carlton in the news recently, like, for being at Whole Foods or something? No, no, no. Oh, that was Elvin. That was Elvin from the Cosby show, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every person. That's right. Who's Elvin? He was the more hippie daughter's husband, I think, right? That was his name? The oldest daughter. Yeah, I think it was Elvin, right?

That sounds right. Yeah, some people were sort of shaming him online because he was working at like a Whole Foods or something like that. He was a bagger. It is Elvin. And then I want to say that like Nicki Minaj or someone like that tried to give him like 10 or 25 grand and he just immediately donated to charity. So I thought that was

a real non-story yeah he also was like i don't you know i'm just trying to get my work honestly like i don't want handouts like i'm not upset or or sad here just like people were going out of their way to be like oh look at him it's kind of douchey yeah he works at trader joe's and says he's unfazed by the job shaming and uh yeah. I'm with him. It kind of sucks that people would shit on him for not being at the peak of his

career at 57. He's still working and stuff. He's still doing supplemental income. I bet he gets a discount over Trader Joe's. Delicious food there. Big fan of Trader Joe's. I used to shop there all the time. I don't even what trader joe's is i assumed it was like uh it's like a trendy grocery store oh no no no a dollar will get you nowhere in trader joe's it's like a

small it's like an alternate whole foods yeah it's a very expensive place to shop uh super hot chicks in there every time you go it's it's it's a good place to go we're a lowe's foods to go family my wife goes online orders what they want and then you pull up and they put it in my truck that's that's how we get our groceries i like to go in there and discover new things that's where i discovered cookie butter it's like peanut butter but they make it out of cookies did you mean cookie dough because that's in every store no cookie butter it's basically cookie butter cookie butter and it's and it's different in what way it No, cookie butter. It's basically cookie butter. Cookie butter. And it's different in what way? It's like peanut butter, but it's made out of cookies.

Cookies. You see how this sounds like cookie dough? No. No. No, I don't. What the fuck? Not at all. It does.

I mean, I can... If I were to give you cookie dough and tell you it was cookie butter, would you say, ah... Do I need to get out of... Do I need to draw this on a board behind me? give you cookie dough and tell you it was cookie butter, would you say ah? Draw this on a board behind me. Cookie dough is the ingredients that you bake to create a cookie. And then once you have that cookie, you can then make cookie butter. But you can't go backwards.

That's not how it works. You can't make cookie butter out of cookie dough. From the full cookie comes the cookie butter. Yes! See, start from there. I can start from there! Put of cookie dough. From the full cookie comes the cookie butter. Yes! See, start from there. I can't start from there! But cookie dough is just cookie. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's uncooked

cookie. Yes. It's not even cookie. It's just cookie dough. It is not cookie. You need cookie. You do not have cookie when it's cookie dough. You need to make the cookie first. I would say cookie dough is better than cookies. If I was Steven Crowder, I'd put up a change in my mind. You can't make panko breadcrumbs on untoasted bread, right?

You can't make breadcrumbs out of untoasted bread. Why not? Because of science? Because just think about it. What the fuck? You would just cut bread into smaller pieces and they would be crumbs. As a matter of fact, when my son eats peanut butter and jelly, he creates bread crumbs.

You're... okay. You're willingly missing the point now. Now I need to understand, what do you do from the cookie to make it the cookie butter? What's the process? The same thing you do to a fucking peanut to make it into peanut butter. You grind that shit up and add some oil.

Okay, this sounds pretty good now. It's delicious! 90 calories in a tablespoon. Good lord. Oh, you thought cookie butter was gonna be a health food? No, this is curious. I lost 100 pounds eating nothing but cookie butter.

What is that word above cookie on that packaging, Kyle? Speculus? Speculus, I guess that's the brand. Oh, I'm like, do you also just shove the empty jar into a cooch and use it as a speculus? Speculus?

No, I don't think that's what it's for. I don't think you use this for pussy exams. So yeah, if you're out there and you want a delicious, naughty snack, it's cookie butter. How do you eat the cookie butter? How do you enjoy it? Well, the time that I got the cookie butter, because I've only gotten it once, because it's cookie butter. You don't make a regular habit of that,

but my girlfriend and I were going to have a peanut butter and jelly party, alright? We were going to go back and we were going to make all kinds of delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fancy ones. All the kids in the neighborhood. No, just for me and her. I like to cook, and I wouldn't really call this cooking,

but it's preparation, I suppose. And so we made, like, a bunch of tiny little finger sandwiches out of, I don't know, a dozen jams and a dozen different kinds of peanut butter and almond butter and cookie butter. And, you know, there was raspberry jam and grape jam and apple jam and apple butter. And we made a whole bunch of fancy, we got some really

nice breads, and I cut the corners off and we had a peanut butter and jelly party one night. Let me read the review. Give me the floor for a second. Oh my god. I've heard this described as crack in a jar. It is. I've never actually tried crack, but from what I heard about it, it makes you feel this is truly

the culinary version of crack. As long as this stuff exists in the world, I will never have to bother trying crack. I can just eat some of this stuff. It's a somewhat bizarre concoction. Think of the doughs of butter or shortbread cookie and ginger wafer mixed up together in a creamy peanut buttery texture. And you kind of get the gist of it. I suppose there are plenty of uses for this in cooking and baking, but I really can't be bothered by making myself wait

for it to be prepared in something. Just grab a spoon and have at it. It might take a stint in rehab to stop me from eating this stuff. You'd think we were sponsored by this Speculum country. Use code SICKKYLE at checkout. But we're not. Yeah, so. I mean, not a lot of one-star reviews.

No, 79% five-star reviews. This guy says, I don't see the point. After tasting, I'm truly disappointed and cannot think of any use for this product. This product contains palm oil! Sad face. Raise up your soul and stop torturing

the animals for a product. I would hack down the entire Amazonian rainforest for a little guard. How does it torture animals? Because they force the animals to watch you cut down the palms. Like their favorite palms. You like hold the claws. You're like, yeah, you liked that one, didn't you? You little bitch. Think of grabbing your head.

Animal tears. Don't you look away you marmot. It's just all the little monkeys. You're like, you're gonna watch every little monkeys I never did eat any of this be warned customers never shop while you're hungry good shit I bought a two pack

go to Trader Joe's out there people even if you don't have the money to buy anything there's some really hot chicks and they all have jobs no one's in a Trader in there and they all have jobs. No one's in a Trader Joe's who doesn't have a job. So if you're looking for... Couldn't they be stay-at-home moms and stuff?

No. The hottest stay-at-home moms. We're open to that as well. Okay, Trump. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I'll fuck your stay-at-home mom in the ass. So would I. I use fuck your stay-at-home mom. In the ass. So would I.

I use cookie butter as lube. That seems really uncomfortable. Can you imagine him being cornered in a debate? They're like, so you're saying that you wouldn't have sex with an attractive woman, Mr. Trump. That doesn't sound like it. Well, no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying, to be honest, most of you, you have your hot wife there. You're out of the room.

Frankly, I might do something. I'm not going to say I wouldn't. I might. If I put that wrong, ask anyone. Believe me, I've had my fair share. And at the end, people would, well, it'd be a hilarious, another hilarious clip. I can't wait for the full presidency montage of all the best moments on YouTube in a couple of years. Yeah. You got six more years to go. that thing on up no chance i'm not sure he'll win the republican primary we shall see we shall see we've got a couple more years five dollars so we have to be oh yeah sure all right all right so the bet is trump is not the person representing the Republican Party. And in case of death, it's a push. Oh, in case of death?

Yeah, yeah. So in case of death, no one wins, no one loses. That's what a bet is. Yeah, how much do you want to bet? $5. Standard bet. Pretty weak, but okay. Yeah, you're going to forget about $5.

Make it like $50. You don't forget about $50. We always bet $5. I don't want to start going into money I care about. Tucker just didn't realize he was around such low roll. I just didn't realize that we were worried about $50. What the fuck is wrong with you, Tucker? Woody is very...

He doesn't seem to like Israel, but he bets like he's from there. No, my bets aren't about the money i i enjoy the uh i enjoy looking at the paypal incoming thing oh by the way it took forever from like i kind of slipped my mind but i paid you for the ufc pay-per-view number oh i forgot to harp on you on the show like a child dang it well it was complicated because i was waiting for official numbers and it like it took like months but uh which bet was that again we had a couple bets around the mcgregor fight and one of them involved how many pay-per-views it would sell and i saw a 1.9 number

and i wasn't sure if that was over two or not but when you included the online sales which i guess is normal and it got complicated i won't dive into dive into it. But I wasn't sure if I should pay out or receive right out of the gate. Fair enough. Well, this episode of PK is brought to you by Robinhood. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos all commission-free. And they make it so easy with their simple and intuitive, easy-to-digest app design. Now, with most other brokerages that you could sign up with, they're going to charge you up to $10 for every single trade.

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So go sign up today at painkiller.robinhood.com. That's painkiller.robinhood.com. I personally use Robinhood as one of my brokerages, and they're great because you can buy and sell crypto on there as well as stocks yeah go check them out yeah link down below start your nest egg get your uh compound interest cooking i remember you made a big video about that like what a decade ago the the how to

be a millionaire and in 22 years yeah it was like hey i had to be and then i just sort of took the s&p 500 average returns and showed how compound interest works and stuff like that there were a fair amount of people that thought it was like some big scam like like i was tricking people oh you want you want me to invest what is this like oh my bank account clearly what he works for big standard and pours. And once he was trying to get our money. At the time that happened, I was going to make, because you could do video responses then. I was going to make one from my channel that was like, how to make a million dollars in four years.

And the tip was going to be, make at least a quarter million and don't spend a dime. And don't pay your taxes. And don't pay your taxes. Nobody's checking i've had a couple people write me this year like three or four telling me about the returns they've had and how much money they've said you know because it's older now they've had a chance to compound and they're like i put this much aside and i have that much times three and yeah good for you good for you yeah awesome um what's not as bad as everyone says there's an ask Ask Reddit question I ran across

and kind of thought was cool. Root canals. No big deal at all. Really? Nothing to a root canal. I don't care, man. No, here's my, I think that getting teeth pulled, getting root canals, I'm trying to think what else.

I think those people are pussies. I think they're absolute pussies. And they, and, and, I'm not going to share that one, but there's a lot of things that people are like, oh, this is going to be terrible. It's going to hurt so much. You're going to, it's going to be the worst thing you've ever done. And so you go into it with that anticipation and you're afraid even you're like, cause you imagine what they're saying, but your version of that because of your own personal

pain tolerances and stuff like that. And then I get there and I'm like, okay okay there was a tiny pinch when you injected me with that painkiller and it's a little uncomfortable to hear as you're prying around in there yanking this tooth out of my head but this took six minutes and and like it to get the tooth out like like oh two thousand i i was talking about you're talking about root canal was was just over canal. Root canal was just over an hour. Root canal is just over an hour because there's a lot of... An hour and 15 minutes of something I like is a lot. There's a TV up in the corner. I'm watching garbage TV. There's a window right in front of me too with the outdoors. I'm just laying there and they've got this crazy thing on that alien movie where they're torturing the guy that's like does your mouth like this so that only that tooth is exposed like you know they

they numb you up they grind down the top of the tooth they drill out the entire root then they fill it up with some sort of silicone shit and then they cap that bitch off and you're done and and like it honestly didn't hurt at all it was a there were some sensations that I knew that without the painkiller, this would hurt, basically. Like I had that knowledge. But there was painkillers. A thought and a question. So one, I wonder if your tooth or your doctor or that combo led to a better experience than average. Two, how much did it hurt on the recovery, like on the tail end?

Nothing to it. They didn't even give me real painkillers the way I remember. They gave me like those Tylenol 500s or whatever. Oh to it. They didn't even give me real painkillers the way I remember. They gave me those Tylenol 500s or whatever. Which is really powerful Tylenol. It's just like three Motrins instead of two. Yeah, they didn't give me codeine or anything fucking cool like that. Oh, one time

they did. When they pulled the tooth, they gave me Tylenol with codeine. Woohoo! That's some good shit. You go back the next week like, this one's not looking good either. For real. I got 32 of these bad boys. I have one more wisdom tooth.

Every time I brush my teeth, I'm like, not you though. Not you, motherfucker. I had a terrible wisdom tooth experience. Mine hurt for three weeks. To say I was addicted to painkillers is a stretch but after i ran out of painkillers i wanted more and uh my face it was like a shaman like crumbling leaves into your mouth i went to an oral surgeon and uh he was behind schedule he was like an hour and a half late, and I show up there,

and I'd wait and wait and wait and wait. I'm wondering if we're even doing it today. He hustles in, and they quickly rushed me into the back room, and I was unconscious in like 90 seconds, and I know he was just trying to make up time, and he did a shitty, shitty job. I was awake for both of my little procedures,

the root canal and the tooth removal, and I'm driving myself home after this shit, so just give me a... You drove yourself home? Yeah. I have a vague memory of negotiating. Jackie was my girlfriend at the time, but she was the one that took me back to my

apartment. I'm on the grass clenching it with my hands, asking her if we could just take a break here. That's because you had general anesthetic? Can we just stop? Like, I don't want to go in the car yet. I can't.

And, like, that's the state I was in as I left the doctor's office. Yeah, that's the difference between general anesthetic and local anesthetic. I'm just getting shots of Novocaine in the affected area, and you're getting, like, gassed. Yeah.

I couldn't drive home when I got put under, but if you're just getting local it's not you're not drugged nothing to it and when he took the tooth out i'm not exaggerating when i took to say it was just minutes less than 10 i would say from the time the painkillers kicked in to the time he was in there and fucking prying and he i could he was like and i'm and like this is a wisdom tooth yeah. He had that bitch. I've got it somewhere. I showed it on the show. It was nasty as fuck. Remember? Ugh. I don't remember. I don't remember mine getting taken out.

It was cool. It was fun. I'm looking forward to going back again. And it's only like $200. $200. It's a little adventure. Yeah, pop this shit out. One of the answers on AskReddit that got highly voted was eating at a restaurant alone is not as bad as everyone says. Do people say that's bad?

I eat alone all the time. Oh, I eat alone. It's nice. If I want to eat there. I don't eat at restaurants that often, but last time I got Vietnamese, I was actually doing the fitness thing when I hit the waiter. But yeah, I'll eat alone. It's kind of nice.

They ask me what I want I usually pick my favorite seat I sit there and read on my phone without guilt I can only think of one time in my life I've done it I was in LA about to go hook up with Harley and do an epic meal time at some studio and I had like an hour to kill and I was

there was this Mexican restaurant there and I went in and had delicious Mexican food by myself and that was fine because I had a few drinks because I knew I was about to go do an epic meal. And but yeah, that's the only time I've ever eaten alone. I don't do that. I like eating to be a social experience, social thing. Do you worry that people judge you for having no one to eat with? And do you judge people for eating alone? No and no. I just don't want to do it eating is sort of a a social sort of thing for me so if i'm going to eat alone i'd rather just come home and be it's like watching a sporting event like might be worth going if i'm with some friends we're like enjoying the thing together

but if i'm just watching a ufc fight i want to be at my own house with my own snacks with my own liquor with my own tv and my couch or my bed or whatever I'm doing, with my laptop open next to me with 30 friends who are also watching it or whatever and linking memes back and forth. I don't want to deal with traffic and all that other shit. It's a social thing. It's no fun to eat alone.

Fair enough. I really don't mind it at all. I enjoy my alone time. Yeah, one of my favorite things to do is eat alone. If there's a good place that I want to go eat, I will go there alone. Yeah, it is. It's one of my favorite things to do is eat alone. If there's a good place that I want to go eat, I will go there alone. I will sit there. I will take my time. I'll do whatever I want to do.

And that's kind of like the nice thing about it. I don't want to talk to people 100% of the time. I do think that eating alone or eating with other people is fine. But like saying anything is good with your friends kind of is redundant because they're your friends because you enjoy spending time with them. Right. So I don't you know, my enjoyment of the activity is basically I enjoyed solo. So. Yeah, and I like cooking for myself a lot, too. So I'm going to have a nice meal like by myself, then I'm going to spend a whole bunch of money on myself and cook a nice meal at home. I'm going to sous vide a steak and make some twice-baked potatoes and get wasted and have a good time. And you'll save money on booze.

Find it on your own. There you go. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. $30 for that big-ass handle. $30 doesn't get you anywhere. The bar or the restaurant? Yeah, $30 is not a lot how much is it six dollars more uh eight to twelve like beer is eight mixed drinks 12 13 fuck 10 bucks a drink this ain't applebee's yeah yeah i was like two bets tucker

and that's why i just want one drink didn't Applebee's do some marketing thing recently Where like they've been struggling so much That they're like hey you know We just want to remind you You're welcome to come get fucked He's completely frozen Are you frozen now? He's completely frozen. Are you frozen now?

He's frozen now. I see. He just comes back for the fuck. That was probably as funny as whatever he was saying. It turned out okay, Taylor. Okay, good. What's annoying is I can still hear you guys. The whole time? whatever he was saying. It turned out okay, Taylor. Oh, okay, good. What's annoying is I can still hear you guys.

The whole time? Yeah, so it's a different kind of glitch I'm seeing here. Yeah, I get all the mockery. None of the chance to clap back. I'm okay with this. I think long drives are... People complain about long drives as if they're the worst thing in the world. I think that a drive becomes long after five hours.

I think that a day trip, if you're going there and back in a day, my limit is three hours. I've done that a lot. I've driven to Toronto and back. I've driven to a lot. I've gone, you know, to, I've driven to Toronto and back. I've driven, you know, to San Diego and back like three hours in, you know, six hours round trip in a day is kind of my limit, but I've done 15 and a half hours moving to Portland from Los Angeles. That's a long drive. And it really isn't bad. Like you have all that time to hang out and listen to music, catch up on podcasts, sit in silence, think. It's a pain in the ass after like hour 10, but it's not like I hear people like, oh, I got to drive an hour and a half.

It's like, okay. I had a different thing. One album. I went on a similar length drive. Mine was 18 and a half hours with another dude. This dude and I were friends, but we were like paramotor friends. So by the end of that 18 hour drive like i don't know what's that you were well rested kyle's pointing out that i slept while he drove one time

only for 20 hours each way 20 hours you will never let him live that down i am 100 guilty and a bad person. But on his drive, there were some naps involved on each side. But anyway, I knew the guy better afterwards. We were much closer and it was a good experience. I knew Woody's snoring patterns much better after our drive together.

I have no clapback. I am 100% guilty of everything he said. When we were going to D.C., I'd hit every pothole I saw to try to stir him awake. Good luck with that. I've explained my side before. At the time, I uploaded every day and never missed a day. So if I were to go somewhere for five days, the two days before that, I'd do seven days worth of work.

And I was just awake, working making videos terrible you know people act like is way worse than it is is having to shit in public like having a goat street corners I know what you mean yeah sure it doesn't bother me either you know those people who will be like oh no I only poop about, like, street corners. Grocery stores. I know what you mean. Yeah, sure. It doesn't bother me either. You know those people who will be like, oh, no, I only poop at home. Like, when you really have to shit that bad and you happen to be out and about, you're thankful that you're able to do it at Walmart. Even if it is... Shit anywhere. And some people are those, like, will, like, try and hide their shittery.

Have you ever been the second man in on a poop situation where there's another guy already shitting, there's a stall adjacent, you go in and immediately you're like, either this guy is the most silent shitter imaginable, or he's hoping I unload everything I've got. And then I wipe and get out of here and let him continue. I've never understood that because I have always gone in and tried to be the

alpha shitter. Like I, when I go in, like if there's another guy pooping, like I try to poop loud. Like this is my is my bathroom bitch I like to think the other guys like enemy at the gates where he times it for your booms and he shoots at the same time wait for the explosion it's like wait it's coming you guys do that? Where you try and alpha the bathroom?

You shit loud, you get it done. No, what I do is completely independent of what happens in the other stars. Yeah, I just do it at my own pace. I will, however. If I'm at an airport, my headphones are in. That way I'm isolated, I'm in my own zone. I'm not going to expose myself

if I don't have to to the noise. I try to make it as fast as possible. You're getting a hemorrhoid? That's not an issue. I have a horrible diet, so it's coming right out.

No pushing. I barely get my pants off before it's just sliding out of me like a reptilian third Kyle. So what I do is I get in there and I get ready. All right. Like I'm giving birth to some sort of slithering like monster. Where's the second Kyle? There's always two.

Okay. So I get in there. I go ahead and pre-roll the toilet paper. I have like five wipes of toilet paper pre-rolled, parceled out, and placed around. The last thing I'm going to do is leave it on the conveniently pre-rolled tube. No, no time for the roll. I want to be able to rapid fire. This is like when you're about to fight off an advancing horde of enemies in the jungle and you go ahead and you've got the magazines

sitting there and you've got multiple guns already loaded so that you don't have to reload. You can just go from one gun to the next to fight off the enemy. I want to be in that stall for as little amount of time as possible. Sometimes I've got to catch a flight anyway. In that scenario, wouldn't the toilet paper roll be belt fed?

Oh, that would be great. Or if I had it on my back so I could – I don't know why that's better than the wall, but – You know what would be better? Pre-cut – you know how they do it at Japanese restaurants where they have that thing where it comes around with the sushi and you can pick it up? They just have over top of you going through all the stalls just hanging pre-cut pieces. You can reach up, pluck, pluck. Like a waiter on a like i don't know elevated

platform like dude you need this is that what you're really making making solutions for non-existent and if it's a smaller bathroom i really don't want to stink the place up i had to shit at the doctor's office very recently like three days ago five days ago and it's a it's not a very private bathroom it's right there next to the waiting room so i sit down i get all my little toilet paper rolls rolled out stick them in my pants that are down around my ankles for easy acquisition all right and before i make that first push and actually release my load i get i i get i get my hand on the flusher, right? So I am sh... Because if I time it just right, the shit spends zero time in the bowl, okay? It's coming out of my butt, falling right into a whirlpool, and it's just taken away,

right? I feel like that stinks the place up much less than if it were like there for a little while stewing. So the first flush happens as soon as the poop is exiting my ass as soon as it is midair that it's already flush and like it's a fluid movement from asshole to plumbing absolutely never stop absolutely yeah yeah yeah i always time that just right and then it's wipe time as fast as possible and then by the time i'm done wiping our toilet bowl is reloaded for flush number two and three if required but really everybody on the outside of that bathroom isn't thinking wow how how much it doesn't smell like

shit they're thinking that guy just took a poop that needed four flushes no two wow usually two flushes i can get things done because the first one is the one that's evacuating the poop, and the second one's taking care of the toilet paper. Have you ever clogged a toilet with just— First of all, actually, you're talking about just taking the toilet paper like that? When I'm in public bathrooms, I use toilet paper with abandon. Like all— Like, you remember like two years ago when Boogie was like,

I don't know how you guys wipe your ass, but I almost create a ball around my hand. And that's how I wipe my ass in public bathrooms. I take enormous amounts of toilet paper, quick little wipe, you know, wasted 90% of it. But you feel like a king. There's no chance of any kind of puncture. It's not my toilet paper. And it's almost universally bad quality. So I'm not going to find out how bad quality like you can tell but you don't know like

someone ply is stronger than the other I'm not gonna be caught brown your hand so you're then what are you you're sitting in there now you're now you're wiping hand and your dressing hand is covered in shit there's only one thing to do and we all know what it is, right? We've been there. You gotta lick it off! You gotta lick it off. That's what you do. It's bitter. It's not tasty, but, you know, we live in a modern society. You can't be

walking out in public with poop pants. You just gotta lick it off, right? You get that part in person living in a modern society. I was on the Stern show, Someone Shit on the Wall the other day Just for fun No well it was a mystery They were like who

Shit on the wall Then they're trying to figure out the physics behind somehow Accidentally shitting on the wall Like maybe he was wiping front to back And at the end there was a little flick It depends on how much Because you know you can have I've had explosive

diarrhea but even then I've thought to myself if I was horizontal like no effects no gravity like it would you couldn't it would not it would be a smattering like you wouldn't get the majority would not it would not be a hose it would be a plume of shit

yeah it would be like a buckshot of pellets but it would not be a hose it would be like it would be a plume of shit yeah it'd be like a buckshot of of pellets but it would not be the majority of my shit would just be on my ankles so like i you don't the human body does not have the strength to throw shit like that i don't think i mean so you have to be surprised i probably would but mostly no yeah i agree with that like i've seen that one woman on that cctv camera camera who just lifts up the back of her skirt and she gets, not exaggerating, probably four feet of shit distance. And she was doing it diagonally,

like 45 degree angle downwards. You could do a two-footer if you were angled slightly up. It'd be like a... Just like bodybuilding, getting in shape, it's all about diet. And you have to eat the right thing. Have you guys ever shit so much that you, like, filled

up the bowl with shit beyond where the top of the water is? Do you have an island? Yeah. Do you have, like, a shit iceberg in there where it's like, ah, you know, if this were murky seawater, you'd see the top of the shit, but you would not know what dwelled beneath. Like, I had never done

that before in my entire life. Like, three weeks ago or whatever whatever i had my worst eating day in recent memory where i ate like a burrito for lunch and then like drunk that night i had like a whole pizza and the next morning i see it so much don't watch it don't watch it are we saving this woody is that we're doing yeah yeah don't even tell him what it is once this lady let me piss don't let woody watch this video without us okay like we need to queue up on this bad boy this is this is a little funny this is what happened i'm not even gonna say it but but but this would be good so all right i guess in the meantime when i worked at chick-fil-a uh i i was a

mascot right i like dressed in a cow outfit and sometimes I would work in the kitchen. But, you know, my job was never to do anything like custodial. We had custodial people for that. They, you know, they were hygienic. They knew how to clean the bathroom. There's regulations for that. At one point, I'd gotten asked to go in there and change the paper towels, which, you know, not hard. You pop them in.

And I walk in and it smelled like shit. And I was like, my God, you know, it smells terrible. And I opened the bathroom door and there's shit smeared on the floor and on the walls. And I'm like, right. Like truly somebody went, took a shit and then just spent time smearing it everywhere.

Like one wipe at a time. The majority of the poop was ever right. So what I, the only thing I could, because this was back in rural Maryland, the only thing I could think was like some child had just gone to town and the mom had come in there and was like, what the fuck? And they just left. There weren't like there wasn't like a homeless person or any reason for a homeless person to be there.

So, you know, that was the only time where I encountered wall shit in my life and hopefully the last. That's so much more of a shame at Chick-fil-A than it would be wall shit at McDonald's. Like if I walked into a McDonald's bathroom or a White Castle bathroom, especially White Castle, nothing goes through your body faster than a White Castle slider. Waffle House. Yeah, Waffle House and White Castle. Like, if they have shitty bathrooms, expected. But if I walk

into a Chick-fil-A bathroom and it's shitty, I will be blindsided. It would be upsetting. I'd think, what world is this? Who deceived me? Who did this? Desecrated a neutral place of holy worship. Chick-fil-A is the only fast food place that sometimes I'll be tossing it up. Do I want to go to

Lion's Choice? Do I want to go to BK? Do I want to go to Chick-fil-A? And I'll think, you know what? I want to be treated kindly today, and so I'll go to Chick-fil-A. I don't want Mr. Dirty Fingernailed Asshole to drop change in my palms at McDonald's. May's like i want may i refresh your drink by pleasure yeah uh such a wonderful atmosphere there oh yeah great and they pay their employees well and you know the only place that i've worked

that i was like in the in the kitchen that i said to myself i would eat here and still do after i you know sometimes you work at like a taco bar you're like jesus christ i don't even care that they donate millions to mike the electric fence pence yeah look because those chick-fil-a burgers like if they if it came out and they're like chick-fil-a donating millions to kim jong-un in secret money laundering the next day people be like man that's a shame. As soon as that news came out, you'd have people, like, you'd have some gay person eating Chick-fil-A, like a

spicy chicken sandwich and being like, damn. Crazy. The memes would be great, but yeah, it's the one place that everybody agrees they can just put aside the differences and get some good chicken. I don't care who they hate, I don't care what their politics are, because that chicken is fucking delicious. I found a copycat Chick-fil-A recipe online one time and I made perfect Chick-fil-A chicken. I don't care who they hate. I don't care what their politics are because that chicken is fucking delicious. I found a copycat Chick-fil-A recipe online one time

and I made perfect Chick-fil-A chicken. The secret is that there's... Peanut oil. Peanut oil helps, but there's powdered sugar and there's powdered milk in that batter. Really? It makes it taste so sweet, yeah. Did you come across this information?

I went online and Googled until I found Chick-fil-A copycat chicken and then I followed the recipe exactly. Did you like steam buns to make the whole sandwich? The buns aren't steamed. They're buttered and then you drop them in. It fucking sucks because you drop them

in the heater that's vertical so you can put like six. They come every 15 seconds. So then you have these fucking hot buttered buns and you have these rubber gloves not even rubber those like thin latex gloves so it does nothing to dissipate the heat and you're palming these out of the oven to put pickles on them and the tips of my fingers got burned every time i had to do that because it's like just melted butter on your hands so you can't do

anything about if you want steamed um if you want steamed buns or you want steamed burrito wraps or whatever, tortillas, the way to do it is take a paper towel and get it wet and then squeeze it out of the water and then wrap the bun or whatever it is and then microwave it for like 15 or 20 seconds and it creates steam. It steams the thing up. It's delicious. Woody, I got a little video here for us to watch. I'm on it.

One moment. If you guys want to find this on LiveLeak It's called Lady Has Explosive Diarrhea And Didn't Make It Because of the Seat Covers Oh no Oh no It's going to be a torrent 3, 2, 1

Play She's facing the wrong direction Oh it's coming! It came for me. Well, that's unfortunate. That's not as bad as I thought it would be. She just blasted the floor. That's like the definition of the green apple splatters.

Do you see the color of that? What do you eat to get that consistency and color of shit? Do you eat other shit? That looks like a lot of cheesy Fiesta potatoes. Damn, she is sickly. Why would you wear white shoes out knowing damn well you're sickly? Oh, man.

Yeah, dumb bitch. You should have known you were going to shit your pants. It's a good day to wear the Timberlands, I think. No, but look at the consistency. That's not a this-just-happened thing. This is an ongoing... I mean, maybe if that went blindside you but you could feel that you could feel brewing Yeah, I'd rather like shit myself in actual public then humiliate myself in front of the bathroom patrons for missing a toilet

That's right there while they record you so call they record you yeah, so close. That was a nasty shit It's funnier that it's the women's room, too. I agree. I agree. It is funnier than it is. So girls do poop. They do. Apparently not as good at it as us. No, we guys not.

You think they'd be better because they only have one toilet to learn. We have two. We have the urinal and the actual toilet. It doubles the complexity. Yeah. The learning curve is much more easier for women. Taylor, I'll let you pre-watch this to determine

whether we can show it on the show or not. I don't see any nudity. I see no nudity in this emergency shit. How awful is this? I don't even like this topic. We like this topic? I love this topic. Oh, no!

Oh, my God! It's on the side's the... Oh, no. Oh, my God. It's on the side of the... Why on the car? That wasn't his car. That wasn't even his car. Damn, and he one-wipes it. And that was not a one-wipe shit, my friend. Unless you don't wipe Charlie.

It's just hanging there what I don't like is that he one wiped it and left the toilet paper on some dude's car too it's all sitting there on the running board of like a 4Runner this is in the middle of traffic like traffic is totally stopped

and this guy gets right next to that fucking I don't know Toyota 4Runner and just shits right onto the step that you need to stand on to get into the passenger seat if you're a shorter person. He covered it like a farm animal. I like that he left the fucking toilet paper stuck to his own shit there.

Like a little flag so everybody can see. Who's that loser with the shitty car? How do you even have toilet paper with him? It wasn't enough. It was three squares. Let's not oversell how much toilet paper and he punches it and he scrapes i you know i want to see it again because i remember it differently i thought he had like 14 squares but only used it yeah there's so much shit it's a mound of poo he's got a good six squares there. I think that if I had six squares, I'd use three squares twice. Not him. He just wipes

with six and leaves it there. For that one... Come on, you only have six squares. You have a decision to make. Alright, I use two squares three times. I start out and I work in. So I get outside butt cheek with one and then assess

the damage. Do outside butt cheek on the other side and then just go right down the middle. My new move, I think I can, you know, outside butt cheek with one, and then, you know, assess the damage, do outside butt cheek on the other side, and then just go just right down the middle. My new move, I think I can top you. Use three squares twice, but wipe, fold in half, wipe again. That gives you six wipes. You'll be fine. Well, no matter how you wipe it, that was a real mess. And he did it right there in public, in traffic, with people recording. That's, that has to be a real mess. And he did it right there, in public, in traffic, with people recording.

That has to be a homeless man. How shameless do you have to be? Oh, from the alpha pooper. Yeah. I'm doing it into a toilet. I'm just saying, you're a proud pooper, Taylor. I would never stand outside of someone else's stall and just go

AHH! I'm just shitting onto the floor in front of them. Beta cuck? Yeah, good luck getting out of there, cuck. Aha, didn't expect that, did you? Open the door, put it on their lap. Drop a roll of toilet paper, clean this up, cuck. Yeah, no, that's so disgusting.

I wish I didn't realize at first, I thought it was two parallel lines of traffic. Those are all just parked cars that he's shitting on. Right? That makes him an even bigger asshole. There's no one to defend themselves or just defend their property. It's just why there? There's got to be ample other places that are just better suited for shitting.

Taylor, are these pictures online of Artie Lang's septum real? What? Oh, where it looks like the spade symbol from playing cards. It looks like he's got his nose pressed up against the glass. Yeah, that's real. Kyle has probably seen the progression more than any of us have because you watched Stern's show when he was big there. His nose has just totally collapsed.

Worse than any person I've ever seen in my entire life. Let me look up a picture of Artie Lang's nose. It's genuinely startling. What is it from? Cocaine? Yeah. Cocaine and getting punched in the nose. That's a lot of cocaine, man. Is there scientific research

on how much cocaine it takes to burn through your nose? He's done it. Because Ric Flair, oh my god. Am yeah look at look at his like ace of spades look at nose it's terrible oh it's totally flat concave i've never seen that before my entire life i'm seeing it all over the internet and but you know i saw it on the opiate anthony subreddit and they're not really a reliable news source they just like to say mean things so i couldn't tell if this was a mean photoshop or that's just his septum that's rough yeah let's see his actual septum he you know good

the good news here is that you can fix it relative i'm going to put air quotes around easily with with with surgery you know noses are pretty common here so everybody's we got some pretty good people who do that but that's just impressive that in the wrong way that you could even get to that state that's crazy oh he tweeted about it he i think i think this is his actual twitter maybe he tweeted about it he says my nose looks like it got hit with 32 years of gambling drugs booze strippers whores good women bad women loved ones dying loved ones leaving stand-up comedy the road movies tv radio books and dreams coming true dreams not anger Dreams not, anger, jails, rehabs, mental warts, detoxes, cigarettes, and fun. What he just said, though, was my note, I did a lot of cocaine in 32 years.

And then he just said all the reasons why he did cocaine. Dude, that was poetic. I liked it. I liked it. My nose looks like, and then he just describes a life, the life that he lived. I get it. Except it would be like if I weighed 700 pounds at the age of 50 and posted a picture. And I was like, this is 700 pounds of love and laughing and sitting on the beach and food.

And also exercise and hair care. Loved ones dying, leaving stand-up comedy, the road, TV books, dreams coming true, not coming true, mental health. It wasn't all like, this is seven years of butterflies and flowers. Jails, rehab, mental health, detox, cigarettes. He had rough times. Even when he was on the Stern Show making a million dollars a year, that was his salary. Damn. He had real issues with uh dana his girlfriend

um you know trying to keep that relationship together and uh you know doing heroin and you know falling asleep on the show and having all kinds of an issue all kinds of issues there and his gambling uh you know he's he's got a lot of demons success is not always easy to manage well you know and everyone is like oh my god if you were to drop a lottery win on me, I'd be fine. Most people would not. Yeah, I agree with you. Winning the lottery might be the worst way to have a million dollars. I would take half the money of any lottery to remain anonymous.

You can remain anonymous in some places. Yeah, but isn't it like only if you claim it under your trust and then there's a problem? It's state by state. And you can always get a relative to accept it for you when you trust. I don't know. I have relatives I trust enough to be like, hey,

accept this lottery money. I don't need any bitches coming sniffing around. You can deal with the bitches that come sniffing around. They might have some Kyle Juniors I don't know about or something. Alright, so here's the deal. You have to deal with all the problems, but then you sign for it and then you give me the money.

I can trust you, right? Dad would be like, cool. Your dad would love to have some women crawling up in there, right? He's already got his fucking plenty of fish harem. This would just add to that group. If we're talking about any significant amount...

See, I don't think I need as much money as some people would. Let's say $10 million. I thought it was going to be higher. I thought it was going to be like, if you're giving $65 million, that's three times what I need anyway. I'd split it with dad

that makes sense but at $10 million splitting that makes a difference I also don't think $10 million is enough to have people like all of your family members be like at least the ones that aren't doing well

for themselves all of them would be immediately interested but you're not going to get like world attention you're not going to get like attention outside of your state even i don't understand the people who are like oh all my family is going to be bothering me and hitting me up etc it's like well fucking deal with it you pussy tell you what yeah if i went 50 million dollars and all of a sudden like cousins that i i'm thinking i'm thinking of one cousin in particular. You know who you are. You chainsaw

borrowing, begging for a job bitch. You drug addict stealing shit to buy marijuana fucker. You know who you are. Stealing shit to buy weed? You come sniffing around for some cash when I went $50 million. I'll tell you the same thing

I always told you when you begged for a job, you loser. No. No. Hit the road, Jack. I don't forget. I remember shit you did when I was seven, bitch. You're still holding the grudge for it. Oh, yeah. You fuck with... Wasn't he nine or something?

No, no. Nah, he was 20. Is there anything shareable that he did when you were seven that you're like, that motherfucker? Or when you were a kid, like something you still hold that childlike grudge. Yeah, I had my great grandmother was on a fixed income, you know, like Social Security and stuff like that. And like whatever money that her husband had left her living a very simple lifestyle, you know, like a couple hundred dollars a week was a big deal to her. You know, that's the gas getting paid and the utilities

and whatever tiny amount of food this little old lady. And he'd go over there and like, oh, granny, can I get X amount of money? I'll pay you back next week. And then like my dad would go over there and the heat's not on. And he's like, what's going on?

It's cold. Aren't you cold? She's all bundled up she's like oh well so and so came over and he needed a little money so i hadn't been able to get the gas turned on it just mother fucking here's a thousand dollars go fucking turn that shit on and it's like what are you gonna do go beat this guy up go beat up your your nephew your cousin or whatever like like no i mean yeah i know you know you know life is so like there's people like that go beat this guy up, go beat up your nephew or your cousin or whatever. Like, no, I mean. Yeah, I know.

You know how life is. So there's people like that where it's like, fuck you. You get nothing, nothing, less than nothing. I'm going to buy the property you rent and kick you out. I'm going to make life harder on you than it already was. But let's go the other way. Let's say you've got a family member who you're not on bad terms with, but they've run

up their credit cards and remortgaged their house a couple times and and they could use 150 grand to just get this weight off their shoulders it would just it would it would change their life in a dramatic way they've gone 40 years of questionable decisions and depends how they've treated me in the past. Right? Like, I would help out my cousin, you know? And I feel like people like my cousin, maybe my uncle, a couple other people like that,

those kind of relatives, I'd probably put a trust together for them. You know? Like, you're going to be able, you're going to, this much money a month comes out for you. This is enough money for the rest of your life. You can pull it out with penalties or whatever

the trust situation is when you do something like that. You can pull all the money out, but I'm not going to fill it back up. Here is a lifetime income essentially of $3,000 a month. That plus you're already a grown human being who should be earning an

income. You should be set for life. You should just grease the slides for you. Another grand a month would mean a ton yeah i feel like like most middle-income adults out there if you told them like what if you just got given an extra three thousand dollars every month they'd all be like oh my god yeah that's huge oh that would just make the world's difference for me yeah yeah sure like everybody could use three more thousand dollars a month, whatever. So I'd probably do something like that for them. And then if they had some, like, small outstanding debts, you could probably handle that.

But I'm not looking to make millionaires out of my relatives. You know, you go play the Magic Six or the fucking Pick'em Eight. I guessed hard to earn this, you slacker. Yeah, whatever sort of poor tax that I threw my money away into and got lucky once in a lifetime, you go try that on for some. Would you have fun being smug so when people asked you about your success

in front of people who knew you won the lottery, you wouldn't bring it up. You'd be like, you know what? Well, it all comes down to the S&P 500, a little bit of smarts, and working hard. Oh, no. I just be vague about it so the people around me would get the joke, like, you just got to play your numbers right You know

I'm a good investor I'll tell you what I turned a $20 investment into everything I have here today Are you familiar with professional cricket in India? Well that's what I did then You are? Dog racing? I'd take credit for luck

You know what? Some people are born with it. Some people aren't. Tough break for you. I'm a higher level of person for winning the lottery. Yeah, I would love to buy something retarded. It would be... Well, of course I'd give people who needed money and my family money.

But the fake out of it, like what Frank did with his kids were like i'd buy you know a whole i'd make an arena of trampolines for like 6.8 million or something before i gave any of my family money if i'm like mr powerball billionaire over here like would that wouldn't that be kind of fun like put them through the test to see who really deserves it like solomon-esque where my family member who needs money, who sees Taylor build his own indoor ice rink

for no reason, and they don't give me guff, and they don't ask, they're going to get something. Whereas the ones who are like, do you really need that? I could use this, that, and the other. They're not going to get anything. Frank and Always Sunny has that much money that he likes. No, no.

He has just the ill-defined amount of the rich guy in any show. Whatever is needed for the moment. He has tens of millions of dollars. He has less than 50, more than 10.

Hmm. That's plenty. Yeah. That's enough. I'm a financier. I make things happen. What if it's Atwater Build?

What do we do here? We make money. What was that car that Dennis wanted? It was we do here? We make money. What was that car that Dennis wanted? It was like a dream car. Range Rover? No, no, no. It was like a Lamborghini. The Lamborghini Countach.

Countach. Countach. Yeah, and Frank pulls up in it and can barely get out of it. And Dennis is like, you bought me my dream car? Nah, it's for me. get out of it and it's like you bought me my dream car nah it's for me and then he's got he's got this like three thousand dollar like handbag that d really wanted but it's just full of malted milk balls and they're all melted and he's carrying it around that's just for his malted milk balls he's just eating them out of there that's what he does he buys your dream gift for himself and then ruins it while you watch.

I can't reach the door when it's up, Dennis. I tied a bag of pennies to it. You're going to ruin that car, Frank. You're ruining it. That was quoting Sonny. That is a show like, you know, rewatching shows, you lose a lot of the laugh out loud moments where it got you initially, but you still find it funny. You don't get the laugh out loud stuff. In Sonny, I still get quite a lot of the laugh out loud moments where it got you initially but you still find it funny you don't you don't get the laugh out loud stuff

in sunny I still get quite a few of those even though I've seen every episode probably a dozen times now the one where Frank is up there after the mortician does his makeup and he looks dead he's like uh older than my daughter i'm not caught up on this it's been two years i think since i've seen it that and archer i know kyle has lost his love of archer but uh i liked it last time i saw it oh you know what's coming out that i'm excited about? A full feature movie length episode of Black Mirror. And it's December 28th on Netflix. Cool.

Is it just a movie they're releasing? Or is it like that's one episode of the new season? Those are all the details they've released. So it looks like maybe they're just doing a Christmas show and the rest will come later. I don't know. You know, and also it's cool that they're making Hell hellboy they're remaking hellboy they're starting over uh it's the actor from stranger things who plays the sheriff uh he got super buff he got on that he got on him steroids let me try to find some uh before and after of him but the movie's gonna be rated r and it looks really good

like i watched the preview today. He looks nothing like himself, but he looks extremely violent. He's blowing aliens apart. Hellboy's going to be a big CGI thing like Thanos, right? No. No, no. It's all practical. I'll show you. Hang on. Yeah, because the first one they had Ron Perlman

in an actual suit, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what they got. Hellboy's like an anti-hero kind of suit, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what they got. Hellboy is like an anti-hero kind of character, right? A little bit. He's sort of like the son of the devil. He's supposed to bring about the apocalypse, but he was, I wouldn't say captured.

He was recovered by the good guys, and the good guys sort of raised him up to be a good guy. And so he has that big smashing hand. Obviously, there's music and horse shit in the trailer, but if you wanted to skip with it muted raised him up to be a good guy and so he has you know that big smashing hand like obviously there's music and horse shit in the trailer but if you wanted to like skip with it muted to like a part where you see what hellboy looks like maybe i don't know um yeah he's running the background so we can all see or i guess woody shouldn't because it's a trailer all right so it looks like he's wearing a suit and makeup. Mm-hmm. Why did you link the Italian trailer?

I don't know. He was in a hurry. Yeah, I was just grabbing the first one that popped up. It's odd that it's that one. Let's see if I can find his workout before and after. That was really impressive. That workout was a waste of time because he's clearly wearing a giant rubber suit.

Yeah, that's not his actual chest. There's no way. David Harbor workout. Super lame-o. He doesn't have horns. Why doesn't he let those grow out? He'd look like Loki. Some big-ass horns, too uh he has horns later on uh like like like he

he keeps the horns cut off in the comics and in the previous movie like he keeps them filed down because he he's embarrassed by them but like when he like goes super right yeah this looks better but when he like when he like powers up in the movie the the horns fucking grow out. If you were to watch that whole trailer, you'd see. I'm going to be like, yeah, I'm embarrassed of my horns. They're hardly noticeable when I grind them down, though. Ah, this'll work. I wanted to find the before and after because he had

extreme dad bod before he started. He really did some work. I believe he did work. Yeah, I just... It just seems like... Here's his workout routine.

Okay. Show up at 6am. They start applying prosthetics. He runs 10km, does 100 sit-ups. It's got this ridiculous workout routine. It's like... Yeah, okay. Oh, okay. I saw the picture of him with horns. Yeah, he's cooler looking like that.

They are kind of unwieldy. They would get in the way of day-to-day life, though. That's true. But no one would get in your way in day-to-day life if you had those. True one would get in your way in day-to-day life if you had the true actually they probably don't already because he had i love that this is superhero jacked.com super high from 2017 wow oh yeah he has he might be pushing his belly out but that's not a good before picture and he got uh he got in very good shape obviously i can't

see is is there an after picture here somewhere i know right i've been looking for it this after picture is in a hellboy rubber suit yeah yeah that's not fair but yeah i'm definitely looking forward to that i like it whenever they do something fucking R-rated. I don't want that PG-13 watered-down horror shit. I'm hoping that they make the Spawn movie. Todd McFarlane's the writer of the original graphic novels about Spawn. And the only way he would allow them to make another Spawn movie is if he directed it and wrote it. I wanted to say he wanted to do a complete 100% creative control over the project.

And I want to say they gave it to him. And they've been working on it for a little while. Spawn is fucking cool. I don't know if you're familiar with that comic and what that guy's about. But he's basically an assassin. He's a black superhero. He's an assassin who goes to hell. He dies and goes to hell.

And the devil says, I want you to lead my armies. I'm going to fucking give you the powers of hell and if you agree to it i'll let you go back up and see your wife and he says yeah anything to see my wife what he doesn't tell him is that he's gonna be all like burnt to shit because he was just in hell so and the devil sends him back like four years later like time passes different in hell so like he gets back up top, and his wife has remarried. She's with his best friend because he's been dead for four or five years,

and he's brutally scarred from the burning. But he has these absurd hell powers where he can make chains fly out of his hands and rip people apart, and he's got a cape that'll float around and make him fly, and he hands and rip people apart. And he's got like a cape that'll like float around and make him fly. And he can like, he can, he can sort of blend into environments and,

uh, any guns, lots, lots of guns. What's that from? Uh, it's from the matrix. We need guns.

Lots of guns. Yeah. Uh, but is he like trying to win his wife back in that state? A little bit, but then he comes to the conclusion that that ain't going to work. But he's sort of an anti-hero in the comics and in the movie they made before. The best iteration of Spawn that's ever been made. HBO did a miniseries that's animated, but stick with me.

There's titties and dick and gore in this animation. I like all those things. And HBO produced the thing. It's like six episodes, maybe 40 minutes each, and it is brutal as fuck. It's on YouTube. If you don't have an HBO subscription, but it's just called Spawn. It's totally worth the watch if anyone's into that. Or it's on YouTube. I'm not gay, but something about having dick in it tells me how like unchained they are right because it can have boobs in it and be

practically like porkies or something you know nobody ever shows dick and doesn't mean it like that's a statement right if you see some if you're hanging dong in a show that show is going all the way yeah yeah it's very brutal very violent there's like like there are it's a bellwether dong he's sort of living he's like living amongst the homeless to hide from society because he's all scarred and fucked up and there's like gang members coming in and beating up these retarded homeless people and and i think they kill a retarded homeless woman or something like that it's a it's rough not nice and he's like i've had enough of this and he just he he's the bad guy who just goes in and just omar from the wire yeah kinda kinda except he's got superpowers and he's from hell and you know the devil is sort of a character in the story and so is one of the hells uh one of

the demons good shit i like it have you guys seen venom it didn't get great reviews but it interests me as a concept i avoided it even though i like i think tom hardy played venom yeah uh and you know eminem did the soundtrack but i know you like tom hardy i love tom hardy big fan um but you know it got poor reviews and i i so i've avoided it i'll probably watch it whenever it's kind of free to watch. I don't want to waste any money on it. Yeah, I'm in the same boat. Are we almost done with the whole every superhero and sub-superhero

needs to have their own movie yet? Are we finally getting towards the end of that? No, not even close. This is ridiculous. I'm not with you. Fingers crossed. You're really not with me? No, because I'll admit that bad superheroes are bad.

That's where I was headed. But good superhero movies are good, and I like them. The Last Ant-Man was okay. I'm trying to think of a – the Thor movie was outstanding. The Thor Ragnarok. Three? There's too many. They're getting better each time

if you were to rank them it'd be 3-2-1 in terms of best to worst I'm not talking about Thor in general I'm just saying I feel like I'm suffocated by superhero movies I wasn't into comic books growing up so you could tell me the Thor origin story

and that would be new to me I don't know how he came about. So all these stories are good to me. Thor and freaking there's Squirrel Girl. I probably have her name wrong, but it's Squirrel

something. And I've never heard of her. Apparently she's incredibly powerful. And hell, I'll watch it. I'll give it a go you make it for a billion and then I'll tell you if it's good that's my offer they're just really good like airplane movies because they're always the ones getting booked on airplanes

but for the I'm just talking in general all the movies could be really great I heard the Spider-Man universe is outstanding it's just I feel like there's so many and I only really watch movies when I really want to see something new or interesting or I have to see it in theaters and a lot of these don't pass that casual fan litmus test for me. I hated the, not hated, but I didn't

like the first six Spider-Mans, but Spider-Man Homecoming good movie. I liked Spider-Man 1, the very first one with Tobey Maguire. I liked the second time they made a Spider-Man, which was with James Garfield, I think his name is, the guy from Hacksaw Ridge. Very strong actor. I want to say it was the second one of those movies, maybe the first.

That's the one that made me cry. That's the one where James Garfield, like Spider-Man has been shot in the leg, but he's got to get somewhere to save the day and he's limping he's he's limping on the rooftop and he's like i don't think i can make it and all the crane operators that are doing construction move the cranes lap so they're all like parallel and and he starts swinging from crane to crane because like the new yorkers have like chipped in to help spider-Man. And I was like.

You can do it. You can do it. Oh my god. The crane guys are helping. He summons up whatever it takes. To fight through this bullet wound. In his fucking leg. I don't remember who he had to save.

But somebody needed to save him. And he was just out of energy. He was empty. The tank was on empty. But they're like, come on, guys, move the cranes. That's my New York accent. This is my New York accent. And they move all the cranes.

Let me see if I can find that clip. It's so good. It is. There's a scene in the recent one where Tony Stark is coming in. He's thinking about giving him the suit. He's thinking about making him an Avenger. And he's just like, so you're what, like Boy Spider or something? Like, what's your deal?

And he's, you know, what? I don't know what you're talking about. And eventually he gets it out of him. And he's like, look, when you can do what I do and the things that happen happened, it's kind of like I made them happen or I let them happen. It's my obligation to do good things. And I don't know, the scene was touching to me.

I was like, yeah, yeah. You know, you've got a responsibility when you've got that kind of power. It's good. There are a lot of good superhero movies. Doesn't mean I don't want Westerns in there. I do. All right.

We're going to have to watch this three-minute scene. Muted, of course. course oh it's all music right yes we could talk over it everything but we gotta watch it I just started watching it and I was like yeah I forgot it's even more powerful than I remembered it being let's just start

at zero on this I promise this is powerful stuff I know it's gonna hit me with no audio and I don't know the context. You don't need the context. Three, two, one, play. And you can put the closed claptions on. Claptions.

That's a good idea, actually. He looks really clear. He looks injured. Why don't they just... Wait, there's a helicopter there. Why doesn't he swing to the helicopter and they carry his ass? You know, because they're just watching him. Like, he got shot.

Somebody should go do something about that. Like, get the crane operator on the phone for me. Look at him. He's just barely... Like, as if the crane operators all have this one central number. Like 1-800-CRAIN-OPERATOR. You're ruining it for Kyle. He's all beaten up.

Nice costume. Yeah. I preferred this Spider-Man. I thought James Garfield is a top tier actor. He's not regarded as the... This isn't thought of as one of the better Spider-Mans. I know, but it is to me. I preferred this one.

I was upset that they sort of rebooted it whenever they got the rights back. Wow, this came out six years ago? Yeah. It looks great, though. I see all the cranes rotating. Look at all the moving rotating You're getting overtime Charlie Get on the crane

He doesn't look injured to me He looks like a really athletic guy Pretending to be injured Do you see it? I don't know Everybody downplays bullet wounds In TV And it's just like

I don't know anyone that's been there. Oh, wow. He used his webbing to seal the wound. It just took him until now to figure that out. Seriously, though, the helicopter is just right there. It just dropped down. You have effectively

ruined it. He doesn't even have to web the copter. They could land it on the roof and he could sit in the seat. Oh, he misses. He's got to give it a second go. Wait, is he going to grab the helicopter? No, he's on a crane. All right.

He weighs nothing. He'd be there if he'd taken the helicopter. Yeah. Now this looks like a fun superpower. Right? Yeah. I'd rather just fly in general you know that's cool one bad swing did you ever uh did you ever play any of the spider-man video games

yeah i have they do a very good job of like making you feel like spider-man like it's very intuitive like the web slinging and stuff like when you're doing this in the game, it's like, yeah, this is it. It feels good. Even the older ones. The GameCube one was my favorite. Pizza time. It's just... He's a very weird swinger.

I mean, this is just a long scene. I know. So good. All right, that just a long scene. I know. So good. Alright, that's enough of that, I guess. I'll slam you one shit on Kyle's seat. And the way you're swinging now, I don't even think you need the cranes. Now I'm late.

Gonna get fucking fired from my job. I got need to you, Parker. Asshole. No, I'm sure that looked neat and I agree with you that does look like more fun than just flying it looks like more of a roller coaster the up and down

I guess you could do that with flying too but it seems like even though you're a superhero this adds an element of risk that would make it seem real if you could actually fly you would never feel at risk the risk could be gone you could free fall and then start flying again, right? Yeah, but you would know you could start flying,

so you would never actually be freaked out. Spider-Man's getting genuine excitement. He might fucking miss. If you wanted risk, you could do it, right? You'd fly and then be like, you know what? I think I'm going to zip to the ground, see what my max speed is before pull up. I'm going to try to fly through some Monument Valley arches or something like that at Mach 1.

Want to see how close I get to this plane? Yeah. Like wingsuit guys can fly and they always trend towards proximity flying. They make it cool, make it risky. I'm going to tell everyone about Postmates because this episode of PK is brought to you by a company we have a lot of personal experience with, and that is Postmates. You know what's great about eating your favorite thing?

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They solve problems. Hunger problems, yeah. I don't think I could live in a place that does not have delivery options. Yeah. I don't think I could live in a place that does not have delivery options. Yeah. Like I spent some time in a place that only had like Domino's, you know, the chain pizzas. Yeah. It's just like, it's just, it's not great.

Here I can order something at four in the morning. I can get like bacon wrapped chicken nuggets and it's like great. Yeah, especially if you're in a major, major city, if you're in New York or Los Angeles, like the options are absurd when you open Postmates up. It's like pages and pages of stuff. If you're kind of out of the way, it might be a dozen places. But when you're in the heart of LA – You eat something new every single day for a year and never reorder.

It's just great. And it's a big decision, right? There have been times when I'm in LA and I'll be like, all right, let's start doing our research. We're going to eat in a couple hours. Yeah, it's a problem. There's too many options. Yeah, because you don't want to order bad Thai food or bad Indian food. You want the best possible.

So I'm, like, online, like, Googling each individual restaurant, looking at their reviews elsewhere and seeing what's up. What do you have here Woody? The blowjob paper? Yeah you know 109 hours of oral sex Yeah so the blowjob paper Scientists have processed 109 hours of oral sex To develop an artificial intelligence

That sucks dick Anonymous machine learning engineers Wrote the blowjob paper To make this bj machine more lifelike and i i guess it's just that they're coming out with i guess a new auto blow that is more lifelike and they're showing the different like techniques like you you dick of course would go in from the top here and like which one of these is most lifelike. I'm looking at number four and I think it sucks. Number four sucks.

Number three sucks. Yeah, number three. Jesus. Number four stops all the time. Yeah, I'm not... I'm thinking... I'm thinking number two is like the only acceptable one here

click the second link that I've got there I'm loving that holy shit that's a nine foot dick right there I like that it's piercing through the back of the skull so that he can make this happen this makes no sense.

What are we looking at? This is from that page that we're looking at. This is the calculations being done. This is like reading the matrix code of cock sucking. Alright, wait. Did you read how they did this? They just dragged this this this guy sucking a dick in time with the dick sucker they were watching they these guys were just

watching porn go like using their mouse and and just dragging the head and that's how they got this that's how you process 109 hours of oral sex to build a life like one. Is it from porn? Because I don't know that porn is life like blowjobs. Also, you're just looking at the outward facing stuff. You're not getting what makes a blowjob a blowjob.

That's a handjob with a mouth. The secret sauce is on the inside, you're saying. Yeah, I am. So this is how they figured out a blowjob machine it's not i'm not sold i i take back my my purchase no but that's absolutely hysterical that someone had to manually sit there and do that right that's what i'm saying i'm imagining he's like tough day at work yeah 50 hours in just just dragging the slider back and forth what if he like gets home i bet like those guys are like done with porn. Every time they are like,

you know, I want to mess with you. They look at porn. They're like, you know, yes. No. No, no, no. Can I please look at the... All right, go to the gif of the guy sucking dick. Look at the second paragraph.

I want you to... In quotes, well, to be honest, I was lucky and unlucky smiley face. They wrote the smiley face in the quotes. And then he said, so was this. Oh, I get it. It was a text thing. There's no other way.

It's an email. Never mind. I lied. I thought they'd like had dictated that he was smiling as he said this via a smiley face. I like your way better. Yeah, I'm going to just imagine it that way. Like when they put that in the subtitle. Kyle a long time ago told me to start watching movies with the subtitles,

and it took me a second, but I like it a lot more now. But now, just watching it, it makes no sense when it'll say, Steve angrily looks at Stacy. And it's like, yeah, I know. My problem with the subtitles is when it blows blows comedic timing or sometimes you get the captions before the actors do it and it ruins it i uh i i 100 of the time i use uh subtitles 100 of the time um i think it improves almost everything it can occasionally do it what he just said and mess up comedic timing a little bit or like i watch a lot of um hill's kitchen

you know gordon rams Ramsay's cooking reality show, and he'll be like, he does this thing where he double fakes out the contestants. He'll make the two bottom contestants step forward, and it'll be like Jim and Joe. And he'll be like, what you think he's going to say is, Jim, give me your jacket.

And that means he's out. But he'll go, Jim, step back in line. And everybody's like, and instead he's like, Joe, give me your jacket. So sometimes he'll be like, Jim, and then you'll see it,

step back in line. I'm like, god damn it, I didn't get to hear Gordon say it. Ruined it. Ruined the suspense. But it also helps in movies where- For not knowing how to cook, I get really into them. Do you? Like, they'll be doing something that I know I'll never be able to cook in my life.

And I'll be really invested. Look at this idiot! Fucked up the roux! I can't make it. That's the thing that I like about Hell's Kitchen, is because these are professional chefs. Like, they're not on the show if they didn't... Almost all of them have been to a culinary institute. Almost all of them have been to a culinary institute almost all of them

work professionally as a chef somewhere so when they fuck up when their risotto is soupy or when their scallops are raw or or when they like like serve a a piece of fish that that's raw or chicken that's pink inside gordon loses his fucking shit and like rightfully so it's like this is your job like you what are you poisoning people on a weekly basis in the real world like like there's families out there we're serving and you're fucking this up so i really enjoy those and and he pulls no punches like like the pc police the sjw police have not gotten their hands on gordon ramsey yet because he'll call a woman a stupid bitch in a heartbeat he'll he'll just it won't even hold back with it he'll he'll call a woman a stupid bitch in a heartbeat. He'll just, he won't even hold back with it. He'll just lay right into people.

If he thinks you're a dumbass, he'll call them a dumbass. It's real fun. I enjoy Hell's Kitchen. We should have him on the show. Yeah. You should. Just saying. I would love that.

You could show him cookie butter and your fry recipes. Oh, he would love my fry recipe. Tell him about how you get anything you want at Taco Bell. Gordon Ramsay would be very impressed with my French fry recipe. He absolutely would. He would be blown away. Yes, that's how I do it. Oh, yeah?

Oh, you can cut up the potatoes, put them in oil, fry them a bit. Are you looking for a job? Please. Oh, you think that's how I make French fries? Yeah. Do you air fry them? I fry it doesn't know how you make french rice i slice assuming like an american idiot all right and nothing like a charming three-day album from the early 2000s you said cut them up and kyle slices them so shame on you taylor for not right that is true i sliced them then i soaked them in ice water with a tablespoon of vinegar

for about 20 minutes get the starch out then i bought then i soak them in ice water with a tablespoon of vinegar for about 20 minutes. Get the starch out. Then I simmer them for 10 to 15 minutes until they're almost cooked. And then I cook them at a very low temperature, like 250 degrees, in duck fat for about 5 to 7 minutes. Then I put them back in the refrigerator to drain and cool back down before finally frying them in vegetable oil at a high temperature for 2 to 3 minutes to make them crispy. Then I salt them, and they are fucking perfect. And how do you explain the four liters of vodka you consume in the middle of this? If it takes a lot longer to eat than it does to make,

then something's gone horribly wrong. You mean the other way around. If it takes longer to make than it takes to eat, you mean? That's a bad trade-off? Yeah. You said it backwards. I don't think there's any foods that I can make faster than I can eat.

Yeah. TB and J. George Foreman chicken while simultaneously nuking some vegetables about seven minutes in, seven minutes out. Yeah, that's true. Outwatering. Steamed vegetables

and unseasoned chicken in a George Corman grill. The Midwest special. Oh, you can season it? Come on now. We put a little I think it's called chicken salt. I bought it on Amazon. It's yellow. So white. If I'm going to cook, I'm going to do...

I don't know about all those different, wacky... Not for me. Too foreign. If I'm going to cook, I'm going to cook a gourmet meal. I'm going to make it absolutely perfect and fabulous. There's going to be no shortcuts or anything like that. It might take a couple hours to make dinner, but it's going to be no shortcuts or anything like that.

It might take a couple hours to make dinner, but it's going to be a fabulous meal that you would pay hundreds of dollars for if you went somewhere. Yeah. I'm going to sous vide some Kobe beef and double-baked potatoes, and it's going to be delicious. Is it sous vide where you put it in a vacuum bag and you put it in hot water like you boil it?

Yeah. How does that turn out with steak i don't have one of those i don't think i've ever even tried it cooks it perfectly it cooks it cooks it perfectly on the inside and then you sear it with either a torch or a hot cast iron pan for a minute per side to render the fat and put a nice char on the outside and then when you cut it it's perfectly even all the way through medium rare or whatever temperature you'd like so good any cut of meat but filet works well because it. It's so good. Is it a fillet you're doing or like any cut of meat? Any cut of meat, but fillet works well because it's so thick.

It's hard to get a fillet cooked right unless you do either reverse sear it, which is where you use the oven to like get the internal temperature correct because you can't cook a fillet in a pan and have it be anything but like burnt on the outside. I mean, you can, but it's not going to be. That's not how they make it. Yeah, you have to cook it low and slow, and that's not good. Yeah, that's not how they make it yeah you have to cook it low and slow and that's not good yeah yeah it's a $30 steak that that's like six or eight ounces or something like that you you want to sous vide it or you want to uh put in the oven that works pretty well too i want to get better at cooking now that i'm you know

buying a house and everything have a bigger kitchen and all that. I think that's something I really want to invest some time in. What kind of stove do you have? Like a four burner stove. That's enough. It is electric. No.

Yeah, that sounds good. I'll have to replace it eventually. Do you have gas at the house? Is it what. Do you have gas at the house of some sort? Is it what? Do you have gas at the house of some kind? Yeah. Oh, you know, my Apex house was like that. We had an electric oven, but it could have been gas.

I don't know why. Yeah, I don't know why whoever chose to do it set it up that way, but I don't know. I'm not a good enough chef that is going to be like, well, this heat source will not do. But I don't know. I'm not a good enough chef that is going to be like, well, this heat source will not do. No, I'll need to learn. I don't even have a sous vide bag or machine. What does it look like? Is it just like a big tube?

No, it looks like a thermometer almost. Like a big one. It looks almost like the handle to a mixer or something. It buckles onto the side of a pot of water. And you can control it with an app on your phone or you can just turn the dial on it and you set the temperature that you want the water to be and it perfectly it keeps that water that exact temperature and there's guides to tell you what temperature you want the water and then you just put your your meat in the bag and submerge it in the water and it will look

disgusting when you take it out it will be gray and like lifeless yeah just be like why did i do this yeah you have to you have to sear it in a pan or use a torch one of those um but it's definitely the way to cook a big thick steak uh and get it perfect uh if you don't you can do other things that aren't steak too you can sous vide fucking anything you want yeah did you make these tucker yeah that was delicious thanksgiving uh-ounce tomahawks that we reverse seared. Just like, you know, one of those things that you take a bite and the fat's just rendered perfectly. It was so good. Yeah, it was a feast.

Yeah. I like cooking chicken parmesan. That's a really easy one to cook that I'm very good at. I like doing that a lot. It's pretty simple, but you get a really... It looks good. It looks like some effort was put in when you're finally done with the meal. But I like

cooking steak a lot. I do fish occasionally, but I find that when I'm... Love salmon. Yeah, I like it a lot. I like tuna. But in the end, I'm like, I kind of wish I'd just done a steak or a pork chop or even chicken. I'm just not a huge of wish I'd just done a steak or a pork chop or even chicken. I'm just not a huge fish fan.

Do you eat a lot of turkey? Oh, fuck that bird. You guys don't like turkey? Turkey's the worst bird. I like turkey cold cuts. Those are fine. But the only other way I eat turkey is if it's deep fried. If I deep fry a whole turkey and that is just very, very delicious.

I like turkey. I think I usually have turkey prepared better than chicken. A lot of the chicken i use quick and dirty whereas turkey is done for an event you know right thanksgiving christmas too here's the thing turkey to me is just a is is the worst bird like i chicken is more universal it is it is i think equally as flavorful you know different, but still good. I think you can do more with it. Turkey is a little bit more confined. I would rather have quail, pheasant, you know, any other bird than turkey.

I don't think the turkey's bad, and I like turkey cold cuts, and I'm fine with it on Thanksgiving. But I've convinced my family to move away from turkey on Thanksgiving now. It's just like I'd rather have steak. Carne asada. Like, I'd rather have any other meat. Have you deep fried a turkey before? I have, and that is the only... It's really great. It's so amazing.

That is the way to do it. It's so amazingly good. It's so crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside, and it has a wonderful flavor, just the meat does. We do it in peanut oil. Peanut oil, absolutely. I've cooked Thanksgiving the last two or three years in a row peanut oil absolutely i've cooked thanksgiving the last two or three years in a row now for like everybody i've done the entire meal and that's like the

showstopper is that fried turkey when it comes out but i i uh i love doing that like every time i do it i'm like why don't i do this more often just in the middle of the year make a think of thanksgiving let's let's always be thankful and i never do but i i might this year i've got my turkey fryer i should just maybe a chicken i've never deep fried a whole chicken i bet that's awesome deep deep fry a whole bunch of shit a whole bunch of birds see which one's better i bet you a deep fried chicken tastes better than a deep fried turkey it might part of the reason i think i like turkey so much is oftentimes oftentimes it's part of a meal that is calorie ignored right you know like oh turkey is better clearly because I'm

drowning it in gravy turkey is better because next to it I have this like sweet potato marshmallow cranberry casserole thing that I only get once a year so I think that's why I think so highly of turkey because it comes not from a George Foreman grill it's really i think so highly of turkey because it comes not from a george foreman grill it's really good on a sandwich later on um i uh i make cornbread dressing uh

which is different than stuffing it's it's like in a pan it's you know it's thick it's you cut it into squares cover it in gravy um i make the i make the gravy like mashed potatoes i don't really do any vegetables because i'm not into that. I'll do them by request if someone wants green beans for whatever fucking silly idea. Vegetables are by request. Yeah. Do you want green beans? Because we didn't have those

last year. Sweet potatoes, you can fuck right off. No, sweet potatoes are fine. I like sweet potatoes. Those are tubers. They make the cut. Cheating. Absolutely. But if you want corn or green beans or Brussels sprouts, that's request only. There will be a salad. That's fine. You need some greens.

I made pancetta balsamic Brussels sprouts, which as soon as you put meat in your Brussels sprouts, in your vegetables, you're kind of rendering it useless, but that's the way to get everybody on board. It's like, here, I'm going to put a bunch of really good meat in there, get it crispy, and then it's not even like you're eating your vegetables, you're kind of rendering it useless. But like, that's the way to get everybody on board. It's like, here, I'm going to put a bunch of really good meat in there, get it crispy,

and then it's not even like you're eating your vegetables anyway. I've totally flipped on Brussels sprouts recently. They're so good. Like, you cut them in half, throw them in the oven with like a lot of garlic in there. It's great. Like, I don't even need those stitches in butter. Yeah, you can do anything with them. Salt and

oil, it's pan serum they're versatile i love it i don't remember what cooking show i was watching but but some chef was like might have been gordon ramsay but he was like people always wonder why food tastes so much better when they go to the restaurant than when they cook it at home the answer is butter we use enormous amounts of butter we use amounts of butter that you wouldn't believe. Let me show you how to make mashed potatoes. And the mashed potatoes were literally 30% butter. It's like 70% potato, 30%

butter. Watch this. And by the time he's done, it's like, yeah. Oh my god, that does look good. Look how creamy they are. Because they're butter. Just butter. Well, when he's making the steak, he's like, alright, we're going gonna put half a stick of butter in there you're just like fuck and he goes if you have this much butter it can't burn

all at once so like you're just soaking it in butter and cooking it in butter and it's yeah it's a lot when i cook it in a pan i uh i put a little bit of olive oil in the in the base of the pan so the butter won't burn throw the steak in there with crushed garlic cloves, rosemary, and a ton of butter. And I baste it continuously. I'm continuously, like, basting the juices back on top of it with the rosemary or whatever on top of the steak so the butter's, like, sizzling through the rosemary and the garlic cloves that are crushed and, like, infusing all that flavor. It's, uh, I really like it.

I'm getting so hungry right now. I know. I was like, we gotta get off of this. Let me tell you about my twice-baked potatoes, okay? You bake the potato, you slice the top off, and you scoop all the potato out and put it in a bowl. Then you add bacon, green onion, cream,

heavy whipping cream, cheese, a shitload of butter, sour cream, salt and pepper, and then you mash the fuck out of it all stuff it back into that potato smother that in cheese and then bake it for 15 more minutes they're so fucking good they're so fucking good they're amazing it's the only way i'll ever eat a whole potato in one sitting you know just like a fucking oh it's so heavy though yeah yeah for

sure that's the way if i cook a steak that's what's coming with them oh that's a meal that's in one sitting. It's so heavy though. Yeah, for sure. If I cook a steak, that's what's coming with them. That's a meal. That's a go-to-bed meal. I like mushrooms on my steak. No. Not a huge fan of that. Not a big fan of that. I like seafood,

but I don't like preparing seafood. If I go to Morton's, I'll always get their chilled seafood platter, which is like this ridiculous five-tier silver platter. Morton's the steakhouse? Yeah. I get it as the appetizer. It's like crab meat and lobster meat

and oysters and maybe claws and stuff. It's really fucking delicious. I love that shit. They have good oysters there. I like that shit a lot. Why is it always the seafood that is presented that way? Like, every time you order

a platter of seafood, it's like this gargantuan Stanley Cup stacked full of, like, ice and shrimp and shit. Like, when I get a meat platter, it's on a board. Like, I like my meat platters,

but, like, why don't they do, I want something like that to be presented at my table. One of the coolest, one of the coolest presentations i've ever gotten was i got jumbo shrimp cocktail at this place one time and it basically came in this bowl of ice and in the bottom of the bowl where there were blue leds and um and not liquid nitrogen but dry ice dry ice and water yeah so there was like like um what do you it's like fog it's the it's the ice yeah there's like fog coming up and through the blue leds and the actual ice cubes

and then the uh the shrimp are like enormous like these huge cock size shrimp and i i love shrimp cocktail that's that's that's another one of my favorite like appetizers or whatever especially when it's like it'll be like five shrimp'll be $30 fucking dollars or something like that. You're like, alright, let's go, buddy. I don't know. I think shrimp is... Shrimp are just fleshy grapes. I have a problem when you just think about

what a shrimp... Think about biting into a grape and biting into a shrimp. I don't tip the shrimp. The grapes in cocktail sauce, though. That's the best part. Grapes are better in this thing. I'm just talking about it's like a texture thing. I'm with you on the texture thing, but grapes in this case are pretty much sugar shrimp. No way, man. I love shrimp. Love shrimp cocktails.

Jumbo shrimp. Not those little bitch shrimps. No. You need the... What about a little crab meat? Big fan of the crab meat. Love crab meat. Hell yeah. I'm a Taylor would come from Marylandland so you know what i mean like oh yeah i'll have a crab eat off with you any day you won't believe my gluttony until you see it firsthand like i i took my girlfriend to uh florida like a couple months ago or half a year

now i guess and like we went to the seafood place cause I wanted to get one night there crab. Cause I'm autistic for crab. I need it. And I don't have very good crab here in, in Missouri. And so like I got there and they're like, all right, you can buy like a, you can buy a two pound snow crab cluster,

like bundle and brought it all out. My girl got her one meal, like an adult and ate it. I wolf it down. By the time I'm done, she's like finishing up and the lady comes back she's like how is everything i'm like good i'm gonna do another yeah and she's like all right another two pounds she's like and i'm like yeah so she brought it out she brought more sides i

don't know why because i hadn't touched the corn hadn't touched any of the sides any of the coleslaw finished that two pounds at the end of that my my girlfriend, we've been there for an hour at this point. And she's like, and I'm like, do you mind if I get another? She was like, Taylor, it's fine. Yeah, I kind of knew you were going to go ballistic with this. So, yeah, you can get another one. So we sat there for like two straight hours. The lady came out and she's like, one more?

And I was like, yeah, but like not in a jokey way, for real. And she's like, do you want to even want sides this time sides this time and i said no and so she brought it out and so it was like a 280 meal i was gonna ask pounds of crab and it was beyond worth it so yeah right oh i love crab but i have to be able to crack to get to it if you just bring me a pile of meat i don't want it no i think that crab legs when you go to get crab legs, I think that's a cop out. You get so much meat and you can get a meal. Blue crab are like this fucking big and you have to rip out their guts and get in there. And it's a work in progress.

But you can sit there for like six hours and do that. That's an all day activity. It's a social thing. And that's what I used to do. Is that crab, the blue crab that they have there? Yeah. Those are the ones that fry whole, right? You can just eat the whole thing? Yeah, you can get soft do crab the blue crab that they have there yeah those are the ones like fry whole right you just yeah you can get soft shell crab which is like fried whole or uh

crab cakes god damn i was about to say crab cakes like like sometimes if i feel like a real fatty my steak dinner has a side of yes you always the super the surf and turf combo yeah i'll make a big ass thick filet like a like a like a 12-ounce filet, thick as fuck, two crab cakes, a salad, and the twice-baked potato. That's disgusting, honestly. That's too much food. Oh, I've got pictures on my phone somewhere of that shit. Oh, it's so goddamn good.

You're eating until you're hurting. Yeah. Yeah. It's a problem. You've got to get drunk to eat that meal. I'm a crab purist. I'll eat crab cakes, but I like cracking it open. That's part of

the satisfying bit. It's carnal. If I eat at a high enough class restaurant and the waiter does the lobster for you, I like that. I know it's not Taylor's cup of tea, but they are genius at getting all the lobster out. guess you know they would never

want someone to complain and it makes me feel special like you have to have a waiter open my lobster have you not have you seen that gordon ramsay uh flaying a lobster and getting every bit of meat out of there and it's just like christ he's like he goes but we're not done yet yeah there's a little bit of meat here in the eyeball does he really say that not the eyeball but like like everywhere else like like all the little knuckles and the tiny little like and he lays it out so it looks like the lobster without a shell he lays them all like the chefs are there watching it the like a wrestling fan would watch wwe where like you know you know stone cold steve austin whoever's like but we're not finished yet or i don't know anything about wrestling like as he's like

you're right here biggest piece of meat you might think you're done scratch that bit more and like the people they're watching you're like oh like i didn't even know there was more in there there's like that's it's funny seeing people who are so into something be baffled by something that is a layman i don't even get it takes like the tiniest little like claw things or i don't even know what you call them on a lobster and he starts like rolling the meat out with like a little rolling pin or something and it's like it's like it's like squeezing the last bit of toothpaste out of a tube it would be like if you were thought you were dumb your toothpaste tube he's like oh what's this and he like got out a whole nother tube of toothpaste out of there some somehow it's It's brilliant to watch him do it. You thought you've used every bit of

crest in that tube, and I'm here to say you haven't. That guy's fun to watch. He is. I like his energy. He might amount to something. He's on to something. Yeah, he's a... That Gordon Ramsay character might have a future. You heard it here first.

He's a very wealthy guy. He has so many TV shows. I don't know if you're aware of just how many. He's literally got maybe eight or nine TV shows. I wonder what his deals are. Enough. Probably now they're outstanding, but in a lot of the first ones, maybe they weren't so good. I think he's always made a killer. He's a three Michelin star

chef. He's got, I don't know, $175 million in 2016. He's got dozens of restaurants he's he's got his fingers in all kinds of little pots and pies he's uh i mean he's up there with like rachel like wolfgang puck and jamie oliver and oh for sure ollie yeah i don't know half these people wolfgang puck and jamie oliver wolfgang wolfgang puckgang Puck is a very famous chef. Yeah, very famous chef. Also in a lot of airports.

But also really great. Wolfgang Puck runs The Cut in Vegas, which is stupid good steakhouse. Have you ever been to his place in New York? No, I haven't. It's so good. You can order this porterhouse for and then insert how many people. And they will bring you a slab of

beef like we ordered it for five people i don't remember how much that steak cost but it was over 200 it might have been three over 300 they just brought us out this 80 90 ounce gigantic hunk of perfectly cut like delicious high grade meat and just Like, put it on the center of the table. It was incredible. It has been too long. I need a steak. I'm gonna sign a... Oh, man. I've got a really nice steak that I ordered the other day in the freezer right now. Every day, I look at it, and I'm just like,

soon. Soon your time. Not yet. Not yet. I'm watching you. One of life's greatest pleasures is is good food you've been playing a bunch of what i was gonna change the topic so yeah you've been playing a bunch of call of duty i'm always seeing you in the uh in the little cod highlight videos i watch a lot of those uh and i see a lot of your highlights you had a sick fucking sniper clip the other day i did very cool yeah man i've been uh i i love blackout especially

with the new changes the game is good it's the better it's it's one of my favorite call of duties in like the recent six pick a number right you know since the glory days um and it runs well because it's pc and it runs well it's not a port it's beautiful there's people that are still playing it i think consoles still runs really good i haven't played it on console since it came out, but I've slowed down a bit just because there's so many other games that I want to play, but Blackout still, I played it like two days ago, and it just feels so good.

AAA battle royale game, and the multiplayer is great too. Yeah, I play almost every day, probably three or four days a week or something like that for a few hours at a time. I almost exclusively play Blackout. Probably going to hop on some zombies maybe later tonight or something like that for a few hours at a time. I almost exclusively play Blackout. Probably going to hop on some zombies maybe later tonight or something like that. I haven't played the new map, but yeah, I love

Blackout. It's very fun. That new A-Rav, that new vehicle with the machine gun on it is so much fun. It's pretty fun on console. It's not great on PC. You don't think so? I do. No, because you're exposed and it's like sitting on an ATV because it's pretty hard to hit people in there on console and you it's like it's like sitting on an ATV because you know like it's pretty hard to hit

People in there on on console, so it's a it's a monster and then you play it on PC and everybody's like all right Well, you're just sitting still in the we've been getting really aggressive with it like we'll land on at turbine and immediately Two of us will hop in that thing and we'll drive it right into the buildings into the buildings like like like just Swerving around and just really spawn killing a ton of people sometimes we get there fast enough that there are still people parachuting in oh yeah and and my buddy's just machine gunning them out of the air with that mounted gun that's amazing it's very op in certain situations especially like when it first came out people didn't know how to handle it at all of course you hit it with a cluster

grenade oh yeah you guys have had it for longer. We just got it two days ago. No, I'm on PC. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I hadn't played for like a month prior to that because of traveling and stuff. Yeah, yeah. You saw that they announced, or I guess they have the $30 deal, so you get multiplayer and blackout only for $30.

You don't get zombies. But I think that at least during the spring or towards the end of the game's life cycle, they'll do a battle royale only, like, here's $15, you can do it. And that'll really help with the player count. I think so, too. This game could have a really nice life cycle. I'm really digging it.

It's got so much replayability. And as they add more vehicles, guns, characters, they're still rolling stuff out around christmas i'm hoping for a new map soon i'm hoping for a whole new map that'll be massive that'll be they said they uh they said they weren't really interested in making a brand new map but just updating the current one which i'm fine with and you know as long as they do it like fortnite does it pretty regularly and you know keep that fresh um but like this is one of the few Call of Duties

that could last past its one-year cycle, especially with Infinity Ward being next. Wait, is it Infinity? Yeah, Infinity Ward is next. If they don't do Battle Royale, then everybody's going to stay on Blackout. It's just that's just the case. Yeah, I agree with you 100%.

I'm trying to get Taylor converted over. We played some Left 4 Dead 2 a couple weeks ago, and Taylor is getting more and more acclimated to WASD. That's not his forte, really. It takes a good couple months, man. I'm thinking that once he gets his, or I think he's thinking as well, once he gets his new house, we're going to build him a gaming PC and get him going because he's got a nice laptop,

but it's not a gaming PC. Yeah, not for streaming or anything. I wouldn't be able to key up with you guys i wouldn't think yeah not quite you would but not like probably not on blackout wouldn't run very well yeah even i've got a 1080 ti i think i'm gonna i've got a friend that wants to upgrade from like a 10 like a 980 or something like that so i'm thinking about selling my 1080 ti to him for like 600 or something and getting a 2080 ti that's what i have yeah how much is a 2080 ti 1400 yeah it's a spice on blackout what kind of frame what what resolution do you play in and what kind of frames do you get when i'm not streaming so like uh 1440p

everything maxed out 150 160 fps, that's exactly what I want. Because right now I'm playing 1440, and I've got the settings down low to maintain 140 frames. Yeah, I think it also depends on your CPU, because I just got a brand new PC. But everything aside, you could easily do 1440p without streaming and get 140

frames on high if you have a 2080 Ti and your computer is fine and if your CPU is not like cutting edge whatever the fuck but it's well optimized so like it's not a real big problem it's not like playing PUBG where you're like shit I have 45 frames what do I do here

yeah I've got a 8700k and the 1080 Ti yeah you're gonna be fine then uh it'll it'll it'll do just fine yeah a lot of these games are now are kind of cpu dependent so i wanted to make sure i got a decent one but so i'll hang on to that cpu for another generation oh you might as well yeah but i i think i will get uh that 2080 ti and just make sure i'm getting all the frames that i can get in there still and still turn the quality up. Yeah, I really love PC

gaming. I'm so glad. I kind of got into it maybe three years ago or something like that and it's so much better than console. It seems like you've already bounced up maybe two times since you started. Yeah, I started with a 1080 and with a whole computer with like a

maybe a... I don't remember what the cpu is on that computer i've still got that computer um but then i i got this computer that's the 8700k with the 1080 ti and uh i like i said i'm gonna leave everything else the same i've got i mean my my hard drives my ram all that stuff is current i just like a faster gpu how much range do you have it's 32 that's like you really don't need any more than How much RAM do you have? Just 32. You really don't need any more than that. And you said you have a second computer. You can wirelessly do a dual stream setup.

So you can have your gaming computer and your streaming computer. Your old one can handle all the streaming load. And what you're doing is you just Ethernet connect to the router. And it sends it through your router via Ethernet with no delay. So you're playing on your gaming computer and then you're treating the router as a capture card. And then your streaming computer is just using it as a, as a, as a source.

So you have everything set up over there, your computer, you just play like you're playing the game and there's no like actual hit to your performance. So that's what everybody does. And it's wireless. So it's free. You just have to have two computers. Yeah's cool yeah yeah i uh i look forward to when 4k

really takes off it seems like it's been kind of slow to do so you know that's okay yeah that tech's been out for so long but we haven't really maxed its utilization out yet you know i i want i want 144 hertz 4k and i want to be able to do it with high settings on a AAA game. It's just not possible. We're not even remotely close, but I'm right there with you. 4K is enough resolution. I don't want to push 8K yet.

I know everybody is, but can we just get us there and then everything else is a bonus. I just want performance. We haven't figured out 4K yet. Stop with the 8K and all that bullshit. You can't run 4K yet. It with the 8K and all that bullshit. You can't run 4K yet. It makes sense. They have to do that because there's always going to be that

vanguard group of people who have to have the newest, the best, the brightest. There's a market for it. I guess it would still be 4K, but 4K ultra-wide, where it's 4K in the vertical lines, but it's ultra-wide. That would be nice.

Ultra-wide is the thing that I would jump on in a heartbeat if I didn't stream. You know what I mean? Ultra-wide is the best thing. 21x9, it's perfect, but it's just terrible if you're trying to work and stream and show content that way.

What is this extra-wide? The resolution you're playing in? 21 by 9. The screen is much wider. And the aspect ratio is an extra wide screen. So it would just look goofy for somebody trying to watch you on Twitch. You either have to segment

half of the screen or it would stretch out with black bars. So it's just like there's no point. I don't know what Twitch does now. I guess they black bar you just said it. YouTube is nice. if i watch a like i don't know a top line movie they're 21 by 9 or whatever they are 2.35 but they're not 16 by 9 at the movie 24 by 7 21 24 21 by 9 is the resolution i think it is at the movie theater yeah okay. Okay. So, yeah, but when you watch 21x9 on YouTube, it shows it in that. It changes the size of the player. If I watch a 4x3, YouTube shows it as 4x3.

It works like you expect it to. Twitch just sticks everything in 16x9, and then it just looks shitty in BlackBard or something wrong if you don't display it in that. Yeah, Twitch is always behind on the UI stuff though. I bought that as soon as that the last gaming setup, that's the monitor that I bought immediately was that 34 inch ultra wide 1440

that does 100 hertz. I think now you can get one that'll do 144 hertz but that thing was 1400 when I bought it. It's probably a grand still now and the new one is like 1500 or something yeah monitors are so up like getting a cutting edge monitor the diminishing returns on it are ridiculous like 1080p still great you know one millisecond response time 144 hertz that's like a 200 monitor on black friday so like that's well in affordable range once you go to 1440p 165 Hertz whatever you're talking 800 bucks. It's like what the fuck you know the jump is incredible for someone like look into maybe

You know in the near to semi near future get one Yeah, what is the downside of 1080 for someone like me who's gonna be more casual like I want to stream But I don't know my eyes suck okay nice literally literally not like i some when my uh with my last pc before this one i couldn't first of all most you can't stream in 1440 you can on youtube but on twitch like most of us cap it at 900p because of the bit rate limit you know you can stream at 1080p but nobody has the up you know the downstream and upstream to stream at 1440p without your isP coming and being like, so what are you doing here? And like, why?

Like, it's going to look bad on the other. It's just like not worth it. So 1080p is still standard. And I bet you it'll be standard for two more years, like standard for the viewer. And then only then will people try and like bleeding edge of technology. Like if you want it, blast your eyes with that kind of thing. But yeah, there's no downside. It's great. That's good yeah i i mean i i'm happy with my 1440 monitors i i but the 1080 is especially if you're for you taylor because

you don't want to have to you don't want to spend 3500 on a pc you'd much rather you know be three under three grand so 1080 is gonna be way to go because because every other end if i could right yeah you can do that too like i think that the best if you if you want to stream and play in acceptable quality and you're going to feel good about like playing and it's not going to be a burden on you to like stream and play and do what you want to do like 1250 dollars without your peripherals for a computer is going to be fine. If you, you know, with your peripherals, if you don't have a keyboard, you know, a mouse and a monitor, that'll put you like $1,750. A table, camera. Right.

But, yeah, you can go all the way up to like, yeah. So, I mean, you're in the sweet spot for like, you know, what you want and what you need. You don't need the fucking big boy it's gonna be such a big step up from what my gaming pc setup is now which is this on my desk or on my lap rather as i sit on the couch and then i just use my mouse on the armrest of the couch no yeah yeah it will wait do you play like like one of those rpg or those um rtss that we play together on like a legit system i'm excited for that that's gonna look so cool. Dude, I'm spacing out. What's the one that we played at time out?

Company of Heroes. Not Company of Heroes. I love that one. That one's really good. Age of Mythology? Not Age of Mythology because that one's 20 years old. The one we've been playing semi-recently where you build your armies and then send them after each other. I'm spacing out what it's called. The one that Turin plays. Oh, shit.

Goblin Warhammer 2 yeah yeah dude when when you've got like a really nice pc you can i've got everything maxed out and so my armies are just so detailed and so so texture rich so dense everything's incredible i'm blown away on my piece of shit uh laptop and how much detail. I'm so not used to high-quality gaming that when I show people that game, I'm like, but check this out. Zoom in. All the orcs aren't even the same.

That guy has a different face. They're like, wow, that's really cool. I'm like, fuck yeah, it is. That is really cool. And then meanwhile, Kyle's like, you know, if you zoom in even further, you can see the hilt of the dagger is a different shade on this guy.

This guy's a little taller, actually. His hair is a little wispier. Like, I'm excited for a game of that caliber to have a nice PC because I feel like it's going to be mind blowing. Yeah, it's incredible. It really is like it really is worth, you know, experiencing. But the worst part is the learning curve, which you're doing right now. Especially with a mechanical game, like a shooter where you're just having to relearn everything, it's a pain in the ass. Age of Empires 4 is coming out, or

is supposed to be coming out sometime in 2019. So that'll be an awesome game to play. I'm always down for RTS. Any kind of game like that, I love that shit so much. I'll always play that stuff. Any kind of Company of Heroes, anything like that. I love the the strategy the mixture of strategy and and micro uh skills and teamwork i i really i really get sucked into those games and and sort of master them and in

weeks it was funny when like well i guess like a year two years ago when kyle and i got really into company of heroes too like we'd play like 2v2s or something online and we'd win like three or four in a row to the point that like we're pumping each other's tires. We're like, you know what? I think we're actually pretty good. Not only, you know what? No, not only are we presentable, we're stringing win streaks. I crushed the allies and Kyle, you went in with your British tank gunners or whatever, and you took all their air out, and then we'd play like three games in a row where we just get manhandled and just butt-fucked, and it ruins all your confidence.

Same thing with Magic the Gathering Online. Like, I'll win like five, six games in a row of MTG Arena, and then some actual person who's good will come in and rape me. So it's motivating. You can definitely feel the difference when you finally run into someone who's good at the fucking game, who's really spent the time. Blackouts like that, the time to kill. Sometimes you'll be on a run

and I can tell when they're bad. We'll run into some people and, I don't know, I'll kill three real quick, three out of four of their team. My teammates will pat me on the back. I'm like, honestly, those guys are bad. Those guys are bad. You know, like he tried to pick them up in the middle of the street.

You know, they just got they got butt fucked. Then we'll run into somebody who's like time to kill on us is a half a second. Like they put six shots. Just don't miss a fucking shot and just shred you down. And you can definitely feel the difference between a good player, a bad player, and a great player in that game. Sometimes it's obvious, depending on the game. I remember we were defending

at one point in Company of Heroes, and the tank came over the long bridge, and we're like, what an idiot! Since one tank! And then we go over to try and attack, and he starts microing his tank in a reverse thing, and I remember Kyle going like attack. And he starts microing his tank in like a reverse thing. And I remember Kyle going like, ah, he's microing his tank in reverse.

He's microing it in reverse. This guy's way better than us. This guy's way better. And then all it was was like he baited both of us into like sending our good shit. And then we like our little field of vision creeps. And then there's just a wall of Soviets coming towards us. Like, ah, we've been made a fool much like Hitler was originally yes

yeah I like when you make strategy and skill and one can overcome the other depending on how they're employed you know like a more skillful player you might beat a good strategy or a great strategy might beat a more skillful player and that's, I really like

Company of Heroes because of those factors that's a cool game, it's fucking very in depth and you talk about zooming in and looking at the character models, shit you zoom in and there's that guy fucking loading shells into the artillery piece and putting his hand over his ear as the other guy fires and you're like holy shit

I'm responsible for these guys, I gotta get on the ball like they need me here i'm leaving them out there under fire yeah and they have no like common sense these characters like they'll be under direct fire like four engineers will be standing in the open what do we do it's like four of them will die they'll lay down and start screaming. Help! Help us, sir! Please, sir, help! I'm like, I think he's talking to me. I gotta get some smoke on these guys or something. You can actually

start feeling sorry for your characters in Company of Heroes if you send them into a poor situation. You're like, god damn, I'm a terrible general. I play SS because if I do send one up too far and they're like, oh, we are taking fire! We need help! I'm like, well, they are Nazis.

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I'm a big fan. I use YouTube Music. I do too, yeah. I genuinely have it. I don't have any. I just pay for it like you would, and I'm super happy with it. Yeah, same. Yeah, yeah. Woody was the first adopter of YouTube music, weren't you?

There was a... If I'm honest, there was a phase where if you used Adblock on YouTube, it would just not play the video for however long that ad would have run. And since we sometimes play videos on the show, it was embarrassing. Like, like oh I gotta just hang on because this could be like 15

seconds it could be five minutes I don't know how long this blank screen is gonna sit here so uh so I got like YouTube music which comes with YouTube premium and now I never see ads and and that's kind of cool. Yeah. So I was just looking for my next topic. Out of date stuff. Trump lost. Out of date stuff. Yay.

I bookmarked topics and then if we don't use them in a week or two, like who is, there was a guy who got into, it was like a homegrown terrorist. He wasn't Muslim or anything and the cop shot him six times but everyone was like hey but he lived that was the deal

anyway bad topic shot six times and he lived well okay damn sucks at anything the thing was he lived so they're like hey you know if you just don't resist black people then the cops won't shoot you. Well, this guy killed like a half a dozen people and he's not dead.

But it turned out he got shot a bunch of times. So it's not a great. To be fair, it seems like they really tried. Thank you. That's what I'm looking for. Yeah. I've had this from a while ago, three months old. Straight guys have read it.

What's the most intimate moment you've had with another guy? Intimate? Interesting. You know how in high school, you and your friends would give just friends blowjobs to each other? Like, that's pretty interesting. Like, do you, like, you know, I've kissed plenty of dudes. That's like not a, but that's not like, none of them were intimate. You know what I mean?

That might be the most intimate you've gotten, though if it was tongue no because like i would consider like with your dad or your grandpa or something yeah like i consider like i've had conversations that i consider more intimate than a kiss right like i know that i feel like that's not a uh far-fetched idea here here's one a lot of these kisses were drunk for shock value because you know and then intimate and sex aren't the same thing give me the floor let me read this yeah one of my best friends came to visit me a while ago while i was living in colorado we woke up super early in the middle of january and got to see the sunrise over the mountains and do a little photography it's freezing balls out and we just spent an hour outside to get the perfect shot at a certain point

i couldn't feel my hands anymore. So we decided to go back to the car and warm up just as we get into the car. The sun is at an amazing angle, barely shining over the mountain. He made a joke about how romantic it was. So I doubled down and grabbed his hand at a certain point. We just forgot we were doing that. And we watched the sun come over the mountain.

The birds were chirping and a little baby deer was having a hard time climbing up the side of the hill. And we were just in awe. And we spent the morning holding hands and watching the mountain. The birds were chirping and a little baby deer was having a hard time climbing up the side of the hill. We were just in awe. We spent the morning holding hands and watching the sunrise. We'd both been in and out of relationships then, but it's the most romantic moment I've been a part of. When I started that, I didn't know the hand-holding was going to be a thing.

Come on, man. That sounds like just the way you described it, that was a very special moment for him. He has details down to a T. He's played this back in his dreams. That sounds like a sillier version of that copypasta from 4chan, where they're like, so I was pranking my bro the other day,

and so I pull his pants down, and we're both cracking up. And so I put his dick in my mouth, and I start sucking, and we're roaring with laughing. Chew, chew. Chew, chew, because it's fun to play pranks on your friends. You know, and it's like that's what I'm imagining. I was on a trip with a buddy. He's an avid climber. The mountain we climbed together with the guide was way over my skill level, but I couldn't tell that until halfway up.

It was sheer ice. My buddy had paid a lot to be on this trip, and I was doing some glacier climbing and was invited to come with for free. All right. Twice I froze in terror, clinging to the side of the mountain with just axes in my crampons, tethered to my best friend and the guide and then the ice anchor. I couldn't move. It was a combination of exhaustion and fear. I wept and my buddy never once grew frustrated frustrated even though I was definitely fucking up his trip. He stayed calm and just said, buddy, you aren't going to fall because I won't let you fall. Even if you do, you're attached to me and I sure as shit will never let you fall. After that, I'm attached to the guide and he's attached to the mountain. You are safer now than you are in

your car every day. Now breathe and swing that fucking axe as hard as you can and start moving. I did it. After 10 hours, we reached the summit for the most earned view of my life. 10 hours, Jesus. I hugged my childhood friend. We repelled down the other face in the dark with headlamps.

I had no fear. I felt alive. He'll forever be my brother. That's the one I was looking for. Like, it's an intimate moment. It wasn't sex, though. Yeah, that's what I feel. I feel like that's fine.

That's just you shared a moment like that. I'm trying to think of a funny answer. I feel like the real answer would be some talk I've had with my dad at some point in my life. None are jumping to mind. But that would have to be the most

intimate thing with another man. Like a heart to heart with your dad or grandpa or something yeah i don't i don't really there's nothing that jumps out at me there's no standout moment kisses yeah which were turning tongue and cheek well literally they were just pranks bro it's just a just a social experiment just big of a boner can I get using only your mouth how about you what's the most intimate thing you've ever done with a group of men naked

put a little spice on that meal does it have to be a group of men or is it just a man no it's literally just with a guy I don't know I guess I've like I've talked to guys who have been in war and they've told me really emotional, rough stories. They've opened up

to me about how bad war was and friends dying and that sort of thing. I've had some tough, emotional conversations with guys about that. Probably something like that probably probably talking to a couple of friends who had been to iraq or and or afghanistan and you know roadside bombs had blown friends up or they had killed someone and you know that that sort of thing

like having those those are very real talks yeah that i always like to throw a little punch line in like because as much that you know you've got to break that extreme tension that gets built when that I always like to throw a little punchline in. You've got to break that extreme tension that gets built when they're talking about friends floating. You have to ask questions to break it up. What's the weather like there? How many people did you kill? Can you get a good burger?

Can you get a good burger? Those intimate moments. What's a Postmates like over there? That's something I feel like military guys get that never gets rivaled again for the rest of their lives. We're all sitting here struggling to even come up with one. And the best we came up with was a secondhand war experience. These guys actually in war,

the kind of relationships they develop with each other, the intensity of the situation, you don't get that again you know i don't know woody i i played a lot of paintball all right and i'm telling you when you're pinned down those paintballs are raining down on that on that on that plywood pop plop plop plop plop your friend's hanging on to your... I'm sorry, hang on. Your friend's hanging on to you. It's like, God, what are we going to do?

How are we going to get out of here? You've got to... You're as afraid as he is. So you look at the ref, you raise your hand, and ask him to tell them to stop shooting and walk away. Until you reach over into a pile of paint and goo that used to be your best friend's face and you feel like you're in Sherwood with you

that's brotherhood that's brotherhood see I had a minor brotherhood thing people ask me was I a hero at the paintball game I said no but I served in the company of heroes at the paintball game? I said no. But I served and accompanied a few of those.

That's the last time I was on too. That's always on. Do you ever have those minor intimate moments? Not necessarily with a man, but with someone else. This happened recently when I was going out of town where I'm not super cool and i'm also too lazy and i need to do this to get tsa pre-check i still haven't for some reason so i was waiting in line to go through and there's always a retard who takes forever to do it up there and you know

you always feel like you're the only person who's getting that frustrated but it's nice when you give that like exasperated like jesus christ and you like lock eyes with another guy which i did and he gave me like a knowing nod like like that shake of his head it was like yeah this guy if you weren't going to fucking portland i'd well i wouldn't buy you a beer they're nine dollars and i gotta rush to my gate but it was good to see you never see you did you ever think of things like that like where yeah like when you see someone the last time you'll ever see them again like you'll sit at an airport or like at a restaurant like you meet someone or bar and like you get along well and then you leave and you don't think about it for a couple days and you're like man ted or whoever was really a cool guy and i will never see him again as long

as i live does that like i was was on an airplane flight home from... It was like six years ago or something. I was a YouTuber, full into the YouTube thing at the time. And he was next to me on the plane. I forget how we got to talking, but he eventually totally opened up to me. His wife...

No, his girlfriend had just cheated on him. And they had a kid together. And he tried to make it work for a little while. And it seemed like he couldn't. He couldn't see her in the same way he did before, knowing that she cheated on him. He was visualizing it. But he has this kid, but they're not married. And he was just torn apart trying to figure out

how to handle this relationship that she had broken. And it was so heavy that... That's too much for me. Yeah. I made a YouTube video about it, actually. And two other YouTubers, I'm not going to call them out,

but they were like, dude, that video was excellent and it hit close to home for them and uh yeah it um it was crazy yeah i still feel for that guy because he was wronged you know he was i don't know how people do that where they get cheated on they somehow continue the relationship like i don't know how people do that, where they get cheated on and they somehow continue the relationship. I don't know how you could. Surely it won't happen again. Yeah, surely this is indicative of something that's going to happen.

It happens once, it's going to happen again. Don't worry, I fixed my dick in Pocons. Yeah, and it's easy to take that stance and then you wonder. I don't know. I've told Jackie, hey, everyone deserves a second chance except you. Oh, man.

True. You would be gone. Every time her eyes linger for a bit too long on a waiter. I'm possessive that way. I'm not a swinger. I'm not wired for that. I would have a mental image replay forever I couldn't repair it I think that's normal

I feel like you're not in the minority here There would be something wrong with you If the love of your life cheated on you And you were like, meh Really? I feel like there's a lot of married couples in the world who try to make it work, who try to get past it. And some do.

Love of your life versus married couple, though. Yeah? You know what I mean? It's a difference. You can be married without being the love of your life and trying to make that work, but if the love of your life cheated on you, and you're like, alright, that's fine. I think we're gonna're just we're going to be OK with this.

I have a hard time understanding that one. If you're just like we work well together, you fucked up. We got to try and make this work. That makes more sense to me than the other one. Even then, I would not be like, no, I'm striking out hypotheticals, hypotheticals. Would you guys ever give someone a second chance for cheating? No. My 10th grade girlfriend cheated on me.

Bitch! Fuck her. It was funny because she was going to fuck me. She had written letters to me while she was on vacation. She said, we need condoms. She didn't say, but dude, what else do you use condoms for, right? Clearly this was going to happen. And 10th grade me wanted it a

ton. And then, I don't know, a couple weeks later, she admitted that she kissed some guy at a party and she had been drinking and it didn't mean anything and she was terribly sorry. And it was just like, yeah, that's all nice to hear and everything, but we're done.

And we were, yeah. You've been smooching, Billy! I'm not going to have that. That's true. It was a kiss. Yeah, yeah. It was only a kiss. It was only a kiss.

Down the door in the bed, and my stomach is sick. But it's all in my head, and she's touching his chest now. He takes off her dress now. Nobody else knows that song? You know, they're not from England. Really? The Killers? Yeah, they're American.

But they don't sound American. I mean, yeah, but Blink-182 singer doesn't sound American either. He's doing that whole like vocal like, you know. Don't waste your time. That's so good, Tucker. Now I'm going to get copyright strike. The bots are going to pick that up. I love like the, if you watch the video of it, you can see, uh, Tucker doing, like, the lip warm-ups, the, yeah.

Go away, it's your time! I was trying to remember the fucking, like, the fucking, the lyrics to it, I couldn't remember. So, Taylor, if your girlfriend kissed another man, that would be the end of that. Yeah. Hmm. What about you, Tucker? She got a little tipsy at a party? Yeah. She smooched some fella fella That's the end of the line

I mean yeah I don't think I think it would be on a case by case basis If it was like if it was indicative If it was one thing On many a small thing That would be a heavy straw That would probably break the back But if it was just like the fuck you got drunk

And you kissed some dude She was like yeah I wanted a beer I'd be like okay straw that would probably break the back. But if it was just like, the fuck? You got drunk and you kissed some dude? She was like, yeah, I wanted a beer. I'd be like, okay then. That works fine, I guess, until it happens again the second time. I would not excuse my girl if she was like, I just did it for beer. And I was like, um, still. No, I'm just completely on it. It was like, yeah, I just kissed this dude.

No, it just depends on the intimacy of that. If it was like I kissed him, like I just walked up, kissed him on the lips, give me that beer. I'd be like, you don't have to do that. We can just on the intimacy of that. If it was like I kissed him, like I just walked up, kissed him on the lips, give me that beer. I'd be like, you don't have to do that. We can just buy the beer next time. You know, we're not starting. Yeah, but he was really hot. And then in that case, like get out of here. I'm just saying like there's situations.

I mean, he was so fit. It was love. It was Chris Evans. What if it's a celebrity? Oh, yeah. What if it's a celebrity? What if she tells you she kissed Chris Hemsworth? Thor.

What if she said that Thor was at the party and she was hanging out with Thor and Thor's girlfriend was there? Then I'll be the reason they have to recast him in the next movie. Oh, really? You're going to take Thor on? Oh, yeah. He's not going to expect from behind

late at night after weeks of plotting and planning So you're going to start in a rear naked joke No, I have weapons He has nothing, give him his hammer, it's fake It's not real I'll have a real gun It's St. Louis, have a real hammer I think it would be funnier if you hammered him, right?

Welcome to St. Louis, bitch Thor hammered to death by standard ballpoint hammer. Really, Taylor? So your girlfriend couldn't even kiss a top-tier celebrity man. Your celebrity does not help it. Yeah, that doesn't help me. Really? I think that you would have to...

I think that I would be more okay if you were like, yes, just randomly I kissed Chris Hemsworth. However, if I were to be okay with that, I would get a free pass to kiss anyone, celebrity or not. Like, you made that first breach. I get to kiss that. That's the way we're going on this? Yeah.

We're just going to keep escalating? That's, you escalated. Next thing you know, we're both fucking celebrities. This is much better than where we started. Right. If that's the way, no, I Right. Just don't kiss other people. I don't want that to happen. I want to be like, I'd toss her out the door.

Oh, yeah? You're going to throw away all the money you saved, two children, 25 years of relationship together? She's got Thor money now. Oh. No, she just kissed him thor didn't like oh but she lit a fire under thor oh yes he my wife likes that metaphorical she has made references to him a couple times that i'm easy to make jealous oh i struck a chord i was just joking around yeah no like that guy in particular she's like yeah yo that guy's like the whole package

he's like a great family guy he looks like is he chris evans is that his name chris chris himsworth is thor himsworth yeah you know and then i guess the real life version of him is really committed to his woman and his family and of course he's thor so he's rich and famous and good looking yeah and uh i hear her just talk about him for even like 10 seconds or so and it's like huh i think she'd trade up i think she would i mean i'd probably yeah i mean i mean i'd if it was i were married to you i would trade up to chris hemsworth yeah i i'd trade up to chris hemsworth too like sorry honey i mean yeah think about it man look at his hair his hair is nice than you how else am i gonna get close enough to him to enact my revenge with either that poison in the tip of an umbrella or that thing? That my my boy Kim Jong could send me in the mail just walk up. Yes, the X. Yeah

That's what you'd you do. You probably wouldn't do that though. You'd probably just get on with your life Yeah, yeah The horror just actually make it it would make it better, actually. Because if you got cheated on and she cheated on with some random dude, you'd be like, that guy doesn't even play a superhero in movies. But if she cheated on you with the whore, it's like, all right, that guy's good looking. He's got money. At least this is a clear trade-up from me.

Much better than looking to me. That makes it better. He's got more money. That's what I'm me. That makes it better. Much better shape. It's got more money. That's what I'm saying, is that it would make it feel better for you. I was asking a question, though. I don't know that, like, if I leave and she's stupid, or if I leave and she clearly made a good trade-up, where does that leave me? me i'm saying for your ego and like your internal monologue and everything i think that you would do better in the long run being like hey you know at least i lost to the best and not this radio

shack he's the god of thunder i mean yeah i fly around in a lawn chair i he flies around with a magic hammer what are you gonna do so but yeah'm asking you. Your girl leaves you for some dumbass Radio Shack employee with no future. That's your fault, man. You're stupid. You reap what you sow then. She's stupid, right? Yes. Not you.

She's made a terrible decision in that situation. You lose to someone who just outplayed you at life, and you internally process that as, oh, well, the only reason I lost is because he's clearly better than me in every way. I'm good. Yeah, but that's easy to swallow. Yeah. If you talk against the Rangers, you expect to lose. Right.

Yeah. That's just like I understand the reasoning behind it. However, Radio Shack employee, like even if he had the best dick in the world I just don't understand the reasoning behind that and like that's your from the one physical store and like you don't know anything about CB radio discounts she's going straight to CNET right afterwards it's gonna be crazy

she gets hooked up on all the cheap useless drones she wants she bounces around Circuit City Blockbuster she's just hitting all the oh yeah she's not very up on the top I don't see how you can spend it if your wife leaves you for Chris Hemsworth around Circuit City, Blockbuster. She's just hitting all the... Oh, yeah. She's not very up on the top. I don't see how you'd be offended if your wife leaves you for Chris Hemsworth or if she just smooches him a little.

No, I would not like that at all. He's in costume too when it happens. He's got the full chest thing and he's got that zigzag haircut from Ragnarok. And Mark Ruffalo is there watching, jerking it off in the corner.

The guy who plays Hulk. Why Mark Ruffalo? He does look like he's a corner jerker, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's watching from the closet with it cracked a little, and he's jerking it, watching Chris Hemsworth make out with your lady. That's my secret. I'm always horny. That's good.

Yeah, no, these things don't work for me. Chris Hemsworth, make out with your lady. That's my secret. I'm always horny. That's good. Yeah, no, these things don't work for me. And I actually don't know if I'd feel better about it being some loser or Chris Hemsworth. In either case, I don't like it. I think he's got a... Does he have an accent? I think he's one of those actors that I'm not really sure. I think maybe he's got a British accent. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he can't beat that you can't beat that yeah i'm not saying i can beat it just that i'm not sure which one i'm not talking to you specifically i mean

you as as everyday man out there you can't beat that that's that's it's gorgeous i mean i fucking great looking like you know pretty top tier man. That's a that's a point zero one percent man. Yeah. Like, what are they going to do with this casting as they age? Right. We've already seen it in the Expendables, but it's for Avengers. They started off old as fuck. Yeah.

But it's just think about 20 years from now. It's going to be called like the the Avenger. The the A.R. Avengers or something. It's really old. The A.A.R. Avengers or something. That's really old. The A.A.R. Avengers. Yeah, the casting right now is outstanding. Can they match that?

Can they do it again? Yeah, yeah. They could. I don't know. I think they do a good job of it. There's a lot of money at stake. Sure, they could do it again. I hope they do a good job of rebooting everything. I hope they don't just like oh and uh where's thor at and then like

some guy you've never seen before yeah and they don't even address that it's it's some new person i hope there's like a whole transformational thing that happens within the marvel universe to just go to the alt universe they just hop hop timelines, and then they're like, fuck, Thor's a little skinnier and shorter now, huh? Yeah, and black. I bet the next guy will be a new center, right? I don't think there's anything. I'm not a comic actor. Oh, Thor, he is?

There's nothing about the Marvel universe that makes Iron Man kind of like the central character and one of the leaders of it. No, but he has a tower, so. It could just as easily be thor next time or no it's gotta be iron well traditionally it's iron man because iron man is the financier he's the he's the frank of the group the the way that the avengers work yeah the way the avengers work is that tony stark is literally paying everyone a stipend so that they don't have to so that hawkeye

doesn't have to go back to the auto plant right he could be on a call 24 7 to launch some arrows he's paying everyone's salary and housing them and paying for all of their if he's paying hawkeye more than five grand a month he's getting truly though he's just a good archer there were they were dime a dozen back in you know like a couple hundred years ago give him a gun he golfs 18 he could make money doing that yeah that's so dumb some real kim jong-un stat he ruins the whole sport right away as soon as he starts playing yeah yeah tony stark needs to be the the mean traditionally I didn't know that to me Captain America is the center of it because he's like Mr. Leadership but Stark

is the center of it in the movies just because the actor is so strong I didn't realize it was based in the comics he has the gathering place yeah isn't the way comics work though is that there's a ton of different like versions of storylines going on at the same time

so it'll be like all right here's spider-man and hulk and thor doing this but then like in episode 10 but then episode 10 over here is some of the same characters doing something else against a different villain so there's been there are big um there are big stories where everything stays the same for 5 10 15 20 years with the same iteration of everything going the same traditionally, but then what they'll do occasionally is a writer will come in and he'll make his own what-if kind of story. There are

what-if stories where Wolverine kills everyone or the Punisher kills everyone. There are those types of storylines that are short-lived, sort of like a what-if X, Y, and Z happened within our current universe and things went crazy. Like there's a lot of stories like that that are kind of mixed in,

but then occasionally with Marvel and DC, they'll do this whole kind of crazy reboot thing. Like, like there's one point in the Marvel universe where the Scarlet Witch, I think it's called the house of M basically she says, no more mutants. And her powers are such that that kills off 99% of the mutants that exist. And you're left with like 180 or 190 mutants in all of existence that are remaining.

There's a lot of stories like that where they just sort of reboot everything and change everything. And then it might stay like that for three or four years and then they'll be like then they'll take it all back so it moves around a lot i've been watching that comics explained guy a ton like like um a couple hours of that in the background every day and he's so knowledgeable about that stuff it's it's it's shocking the the in-depth knowledge he has about comics i watch a bunch of those too i don't know if i've seen comics explained but i'm sure i've seen a bunch of his competitors and it's interesting to watch and they go through and he's the best in my opinion um i don't i don't remember how many so he might have like 1.3 1.4 million subs something like that

and he does like maybe three to five videos a week. They're all unstumpable. They're all geniuses on this topic. I just need a guy who doesn't make 37-minute long videos. He does a mixture. Then you won't get the full story. So he'll do some videos. He'll do relevant details. He'll do like character bios. Or he'll do a series of videos that's called How to Kill and then Insert a Character's Name.

How to Kill Deadpool. How to Kill Wolverine. And then he'll go through the entire history of everything he's ever been written about. And show way – there's one story where Wolverine is sort of held captive with this little girl. And he's telling her what's going to happen if she doesn't use her superpowers to get them out of this jam. He's like, they're going to kill me. And like he's like there's a few ways to kill me and he goes through each of the ways that he can be killed and and like sort of you know they draw that out and show you what it would be like and so he'll do like a 10 minute video that's just that

yeah yeah that's good shit because i think wolverine has come back from a drop of blood i think i saw that in one of my videos. Deadpool almost certainly has. Deadpool's got that ridiculous regeneration where he can come back from anything. Like, you can cut Deadpool's head off. It doesn't matter. He heals slow, though. Yeah, baby arm.

Yeah, the baby arm. I think I've seen him with baby legs in the first one. Yeah, in the movies. It's just like, that is too slow. He spends weeks healing healing i have this idea they heal up like during the fight no it's like it's like a day or so it's not like it's not like weeks in the movie at least i don't remember it being yeah it varies and wolverine's got the most got a pretty ridiculous healing factor like like there are times when he's fighting saber tooth

and he'll get disemboweled or he'll just get completely torn apart. There's a story where Magneto rips his adamantium skeleton from his bones. Yeah, all kinds of gory shit. But he'll do those 10 minute videos that are like how to kill Magneto, how to kill Professor X, how to kill Gambit. But then he'll do like a literal three, he'll do like three, four hour long videos that are like the Infinity Gauntlet saga. He'll tell you the entire Infinity Gauntlet backstory, beginning to end, the whole fucking thing with all the side characters and what everybody's doing and everything that happened. He'll do a lot of those where he tells hours without stopping, like a three hour video telling you a comic book story.

But it's good. I like it. i like it you know i like about the infinite like the movie you mentioned infinity gauntlet made me think of the movie people who want who are like into the comic books and know the lore in a way that i don't like the movies and they're not always the same you know they don't even know what's going to happen in the movie because they've diverted enough from the source material but usually they're considered to be improvements and that does not happen in lord of the rings that does not happen in game of thrones i'm looking for right um you know every deviation they make from that is usually a deviation considered to be a mistake yeah somewhat i suppose um they've got i think the

way they do it in marvel is that there are multiple universes and each universe has like a number uh and i don't remember what they're all numbered but the cinematic universe is its own universe apart from the others and they all exist within this multiverse uh that that's all connected and stuff like that it's uh that guy's such a hyper nerd um he's got a very good voice very silky smooth deep baritone voice that helps in a video it's killer i really dig this guy comics explained uh very good shit um i was watching him the other day and i had already watched like dozens of hours of this shit and he's talking about like if he were gambit or something like that he's like oh if i was gambit oh i'd be going i'd be going ham i'd be like i'd be like and then there's a picture of me on the screen i was like wait what what he's like i'd

be like fps russia but like the new one like blowing shit up it'd be more, and then there's a picture of me on the screen. And I was like, wait, what, what? He's like, I'd be like FPS Russia, but like the new one, like blowing shit up. It'd be more than the ATF after me. Everybody be after me. And I'm just like, that's fucking random. That's me. I thought, what am I watching? I was trying to learn about superheroes. How did I get drug into this?

I just wanted to learn about why Gambit is an Omega-level mutant before Mr. Sin sinister toned his powers down because he couldn't control them that well anymore and then then mr sinister had him go with the down to the sewers to attack the morlocks i i what but but how did i get worked into the story it's astounding how often just talking about guns with like acquaintances or people that i'll meet at parties and whatnot they'll be like yeah i watch this guy uh yeah on youtube he's really cool hickok he shoots and there used to be this guy fps russian or fps russia yeah he did that and i'll always be like yeah i know him he's a he's a good buddy of mine and they're always the first question he's is he actually russian and that really solidify because when you initially told me like yeah i get, I get asked all the time, so I was like, yeah, okay, you're probably pumping it up a little bit.

Like, there's no way people buy this. They do. Years later, people buy this totally. When I told them that your name is Kyle and you live in Georgia, this happened last weekend. I was at a friend's house party. They were talking about guns, and this came up, and a couple of the guys were like, holy shit, really? I'm like, yeah, his name's Kyle, and he lives in Georgia. And they're like, no no which georgia yeah which

georgia the other one you tried to fool me there yeah the scary georgia right not our georgia i get the thing that dick did where like they like fps russia and they like kyle from pka and they have no idea that they're related at all and And they'll watch like eight hours, 12 hours, 16 hours of PKA. And I'll mention it to them that that was your old gig. And they're just shocked and like, I can't believe I didn't put that together. But yeah. Yeah, Dick was the best at that. And like he just straight up didn't, you know, Dick Masterson, Tucker.

He pretended he, like it was, Kyle, can you say what happened? Because I don't remember exactly the verbiage of what he said. I don't remember exactly, but it was like, you know dick master said tucker he pretended he like it was kyle can you say what happens i don't remember exactly the verbiage of what he said i don't remember exactly but it was like you know we we were having a conversation on the show and like like i i mentioned like being fps russia or doing an fps russia thing and uh or maybe maybe dick was just talking about fps russia independently and i thought he was like compliment me, but then Taylor interjects, he's like, you do know that Kyle is FPS Russia. You're talking

to FPS Russia right now about FPS Russia. You know that, right? And Dick's like, yeah! Yeah! I know that! Of course I know that! I know that! He had a clip where he's like, I made an ass of myself again.

I had to pretend that I knew who Kyle was when I really didn't and I think everybody knew. I know. Yeah, that's funny. I think I made Philly D really hate me the first time I met him

because I refused to break character. I refused to break character. I was like, he knows, but I don't care. I refuse to break character. That's pretty fucking funny. I'm going to leave a little doubt in his mind the whole time. Same thing with a bunch of people I've met. I'm not going to break character this whole time.

Until there was that Russian mother with her tot who was like a 12-year-old kid. And she comes up to me and starts jibber-jabbering and fucking Russian. And I'm like, I'm a character. My name is Kyle. And I portray this Russian fellow on the internet because it's funny.

And it's entertaining to the people who watch and she's like oh and she was pissed really she was it was at e3 like 2013 2012 something like that i don't know fucking pissed no vidcon it was a vidcon yeah she was so mad she was so mad red faced and she could tell I could tell she was embarrassed that she hadn't realized. Because she's a... I feel like she was like, how could I, as a Russian, be fooled by a fake Russian into thinking he's a real Russian?

I think that was part of her embarrassment. And that was expressed through rage. But I had that happen to me all the time, though. Like Dr. House, his American accent is so good that I thought he was American. I didn't know. Sure, me too. Is Chris Helmsworth, he's British?

Did we say that? Yeah. Hemsworth, yeah. I want to say he's British. I'm almost positive that he is. Let me just double check this. Chris Hemsworth. But I don't know.

There's a couple of guys who do American accents so well that I didn't know. I think he's Australian. Yeah. Daniel Day-Lewis is crazy. Yeah. It must be something to do with the traditional acting

they do in the UK. Where most of their guys... Maybe I'm just making this up. It sounds right, though. I think most of their big guys start out like stage actors, right? Like, that's why Ian McKellen, who played Gandalf, was so good and such a huge presence. It's because he was used to being, like,

projecting on a stage. Like, it's a different kind of acting, and I feel like that's why British people are just better at it. Chris Hemsworth is Australian, but did you see where Ricky Gervais is interviewing Ian McKellen and asking him

how he's such a good actor? No, no, I haven't. He's like, oh, well, what I do is I pretend that I'm the person that I'm portraying. And I do the things that I think that they would do. So Peter Jackson comes to me and he says,

you're a wizard named Gandalf. So I think to myself, what would a wizard do? And I do whatever I think a wizard would do. So there's a little bar graph. It's like this. It's like Ian McKellen, Ian McKellen, Ian McKellen. You shall not pass! And then they say cut.

And then Ian McKellen, Ian McKellen, Ian McKellen. That's great. And Ricky Gervais is just like, No, I don't think it works that way. Oh, that's so funny, Ian! He has such an odd laugh. If you're looking for good old shit to listen

to, like radio shows, the old radio show with Stephen Merchant, Carl Pilkington, and Ricky Gervais. I don't remember what it's called, but if you just put Ricky Gervais Show, it might have even been called Unserious. And it's hilarious. Go, Jerry, go!

The things Carl comes up with are... Carl's not funny to me. Oh, he's so funny. His whole thing is being disinterested. And I feel like he was taken by ricky gervais gervais and just put on this platform and said everybody this guy is brilliant and to me the whole world just said oh my god look at him on that pedestal he's so great and i'm like what is great about this guy he's just everything dull just because you don't get it doesn't mean we don't. Yeah. Exactly that.

A lesser kind of person. He's hilarious. He's hilarious. It's such a multi-layered little performance he's putting on where to this day it's a little difficult to understand how much of it is an act and how much of it is incredible ignorance that he possesses. You can't really tell most of the time. And I still don't know just how stupid or brilliant Carl Pilkington is. I'm not sure.

Sometimes I think he's an absolute genius and I lean in that direction. But sometimes he just he really knows how to just stick with the bit of being an idiot and leave it for you to sort of decide whether he's being brilliant or a moron

because he'll he'll have a hilarious joke with a great punch line that's just him being ignorant and it's it's great and like they had this whole series on the show where he would call like zoologists and ask them um whether a certain animal is worth even keeping anymore he's like keep it or leave it these mollusks where do they even do it you know they sit around all day they don't do this or that do we even need them keep them or leave them and the zoologist is like huh what do you mean keep them or leave them well keep them they're a vital part of the ecosystem you know they they help remove toxins from the from the waters and from the sediment and and they deal with parasites. So we need them then.

Yeah, yeah. All right, keep them it is. Thank you. Or he'll listen and be like, I hear you, but it doesn't sound right. Just little things like that. I'm on the same page as you. He plays the character so well.

I can't tell where Carl Pilkington, the real man, begins and where the character ends. He's too good at it to just be a blithering idiot like that's that's one thing that is an impossibility he is not an actual blithering idiot like the the joke structure that he does it's clearly intelligent very so it's just a matter of where is that spectrum so what would you think if your only exposure to him was that travel show he did because that's where i am oh i would love him even then. I think that 80 to Broad and Moaning of Life is the other one he did.

80 to Broad was good. They're both a hoot. 80 to Broad was good for two shows, and then you saw them all. Oh, no. Two seasons. I didn't like the third season with the midget. I'm sorry, little person. You sure did not like it.

I didn't. I don't like that little guy, him horning in on Carl's fun. Get out of here, you fucking... I don't like that guy. The wrong attitude for Carl to play off of is why it didn't work that well. I don't know what his name is,

but he was getting too into all the activities and then making it a negative that Carl wasn't getting into it, pressuring him. It's like, no, the whole bit is carl's not going to get into it he doesn't want words of encouragement from you right now like if anything just go to mockery and let him you know bumble about in his semi-constructed way yeah and i'm gonna listen to some of that more this weekend or something mom i've listened to every bit of it i've listened to like like i

don't know how much there is but i would guess there's 25 hours or something at least i've listened to it all um it's it's it's good shit you know his series uh on that radio show uh monkey news when he like he'll have he has a whole segment where he calls monkey news and he looks up what monkeys are doing in the news and gives his funny little riff and spin it's it's so underrated yeah those are brilliant. Those are well-structured jokes in that case. There's a punchline to each bit of monkey news. Yeah. I like those a lot. And, you know, he'll set up, like, game shows where, like, callers call in and try to guess, like, Carl's question and stuff like that.

And it's really funny. I like hearing his stories about being at home and how like there was one something it won't be funny the way i tell it but something like he put up an enormous mirror on one of the walls in his living room and so he just sits there staring at himself like like just just such a weird guy i'd love to meet him i'd love the answer so honestly to some things like he was in the back of a taxi once and like uh like i think the taxi driver in, like, Russia or wherever was like, and your wife, she has a nice body, nice, you know, nice shape. And he's like, well, she used to.

I'm no spring chicken neither. Like, whatever he was fucking saying. And it was like, and even later, he's like, I got to make sure Suzanne doesn't watch this one. Like, that was a little opening into the reality of it and like he's like he's i know i'm not gonna harp on anymore but he's clearly not the total retard but he's also clearly not the total genius yeah because he does genuinely really stupid stuff yeah like that that you know trashing his own girlfriend and then like it's his girlfriend of like 18 years or something where like they never

get married like he has no like adult response to it maybe he would in real life but anyway if you guys haven't checked out that uh his his radio show carl yeah start with monkey news just youtube just youtube search monkey news and if you like that that's like a segment from the radio show and uh they compile all the monkey news segments together into this really funny little montage you know if you like those then just stop where you are and find the full radio broadcast where it's like two to four hours of this them riffing and you know and just having a good time i like when he calls the zoologists do you want to talk about these tweets that you linked oh maybe sounds like jordy's uh a little bit down. Is that from tonight?

Yeah, he said at 4pm today, he said, so, anybody know how I could go about doing anything to these troll channels? I've went through, THRU, most avenues I know to get something done.

I need to talk to someone at YouTube themselves. And then he follows that up with someone replies to that. They say, why not just treat it like they're overly enthusiastic fan channels that highlight you? If I'm honest, I hadn't heard of you until I saw a troll video. I watched a couple of streams and people literally donate to you to get troll messages through. That's good in a way, question mark? And Jordy says,

I've lost three good friends and two relationships from these channels. They go way beyond just making fun of me in YouTube videos. They send me things in real life, and they also swatted me. Hmm. You did have to go hunting for that response because the first response to that tweet is have you tried appearing offline

oh jesus christ apparently so you went to it are you streaming that shit stop it man well that sucks to be so taxing on him right now I thought he was handling it pretty well for a while. The thing is, I feel like what Wings' current spot in life is,

is he sells his mental health for money, right? He goes online and subjects himself to these people who aren't nice to him because he feels like that's his only option to make money. So he sells his mental health for money, which in a way is what a lot of people do maybe my last four years at cisco were the same damn thing you know not quite as intense it's not thousands of people it's not so famous or whatever but it's you know like hey we'll pay you every year you give us a little bit of your soul right that that's what work can be like but his i the the price is pretty steep but the rewards are pretty good for you know a guy who's not you know swimming in other job skills yeah he doesn't spell through correctly

hey it's probably just hey twitter Twitter misspellings and typos totally fine. You gotta fit in the character limit. I will not succumb to your rule sets. Dude, I type through THRU like a shorthand and though THO like when talking with friends and sometimes on Twitter.

You probably eat Tide Pods. Only occasionally. that's what my demo would say about that yeah um yeah but yeah he sells his mental health for money that's the scoop and i don't know that everyone else sees it through that lens but that's what he's got going on i mean it does there's there's a lot of channels like streamers especially because it's a lot you know more accessible in that culture of like donate or tip rather i hate the word done tip for you know to get through and get this text to speech read and piss this person off or whatever like that's a viable and legitimate business strategy and there's a lot of i shouldn't say a lot there's several uh people like casey tron who just play

up to this fact that there are going to be people that are going to harass you monetarily like it's not i'm not saying that it's a good thing, but it's certainly not uncommon. It's different for different people too, right? There are some people who would be like, you pay me $10 to say something mean to me. They feel like they won, that that's going well for them. They'll take that trade all day. And then you have Wings who's like, man, when you say that, it hurts me. It's real and that's part

of his appeal but i can see why he doesn't want to do this forever mostly lately he's just getting mad at video games uh seems to be getting pretty mad at video games and and you know his idea of what's a troll comment or a troll message seems to be pretty broad you know any you know he's like don't ask me quite don't ask me this don't ask me that don't say anything stop saying things so it's a fucking chat like we got to say something like what do you want us to say and sometimes he'll tell them the only things that they're allowed to say and then that just really drives people to say the opposite of that oh yeah lol is a banned word you immediately get banned if you write lol like if you laugh out loud in that chat, you get banned.

Because it hurts his feelings because they're laughing at him, not with him. If someone writes LOL, they're laughing at Wings' struggles. He assumes so, which gives you an insight into what's going on with him. Plenty of people that I know have written, like, LOL, you did a good job there. LOL, you beat the shit out of that guy. LOL, you sniped him well you know like like they're lol is not always i had a lot of my messages like when i write to paraphrase and such just so they know this is a goof right like i feel like it softens a joke that otherwise in text maybe you'd take wrong um but there are people, if there's like a 1 to 10 spectrum on like the 10 being you can just blast them all day and it doesn't hurt them in the slightest, those guys exist, right?

I'm not that guy. But I'm somewhere closer to 10 than Wings is. You know, Wings is the most sensitive guy, I think. I'm about to say Wings is the most sensitive guy online. That might not be true because he's tested they they you know every time he's exposed to social media they go at him so hard that like you don't know that he's sensitive he's just been shot more yeah they keep wings gets it like if you're being like for all the people out there like the big figures

who like complain about like oh i'm getting harassment on twitter and these things like what wings goes through is way more than like the a lot of these actual journalists who will like take two screenshots of tweets and be like i'm getting legitimate death threats right you know of people being like kill yourself nerd or like something like that. Meanwhile, Wings does have a deluge of this shit compared to most people. He has been tempered against it, I would think, more than the overwhelming majority of people.

I guess he's reporting the troll channels for cyberbullying. I just think that you're going against a YouTube machine here. This is not an avenue that is well-o oiled nor is it one that's going to probably take you know any action so i i don't really know like his recourse here is not it's not really clear i also don't think that like these channels single-handedly ruin three relationships in two or two three

best friends in two relationships. What is in there? Are these people like, well, I was dating you and I just came across these troll videos and I just was exposed into... I've known Wings for about ten years now and his commitment to the truth is a loose one.

So the idea that he lost three good friends and had two relationships with women ruined Don't hang on that I'm not positive his name isn't Sam 50-50 50-50 You're trying to start a new one

That's not a new one Really? Is that the Did his gangster grandma walk in a room and refer to him as sam maybe he said she said sam my shit stinks uh uh that was the that's the audio and um and so then the other day he called her in seemingly at like two in the morning in her nightgown looking a little rough and he sort of questioned her he's like in the most awkward way grandma grandma is my name sam do you know anyone named sam no you ever call me sam and then like in the video that's like

replaying all this they play her calling him sam you know and it's i've wrecked my brain on what she might have said do you remember the line again sam my shit stinks okay son yes son my shit stinks son my shit stinks son my shit stinks she's his grand or he's her grandson i also think the my shit stinks thing is a little suspect. Son, I like fish sticks. I don't know. It just seems like Sam my shit stinks can't be what she really said. I feel like she woke up. She's a little out of it. To the ambient.

She's ambient, Alan. Maybe. And, you know, she poops and it stinks real bad. And she's just letting him know you know don't go no that's weird sam my shit stinks don't don't go in the bathroom i bet she's an alpha shitter oh yeah oh she wide stance like a like a fucking sumo deadlift right just right there ready she waits to go to the cripple bathroom so she has like the the the power rails on either side that's the preferred nomenclature now the crippled room the handicapped this is for the broken and

discarded and me when there's space uh yeah extra leg room i was i talked to the guys the other week tucker i don't know if this ever happened to you but i've literally stopped going into the main handicapped stalls to shit in public places because for the first time ever i went in there i heard the door open and i heard the thrum of electric wheels coming towards me and then he and i heard this guy like struggle in the regular stall next to me and i just i had to just bolt and leave like i couldn't i couldn't deal with the shame of it in in in the airport that I was in uh in the airport that I was in so I think it was Raleigh Durham airport the handicap restroom says handicap um priority okay it does not mean only people who are handicapped can use it it just means like they priority. So if I am standing there and there's nobody handicapped in there, that's free for me to use.

All right. If they happen to roll on in afterwards like that. If they're standing there, they're not handicapped. Yeah. No, but I'm just like I will give way when it's at equal. But it's like, you know, you yield. But that doesn't mean you stop and wait for somebody to come in first and then you go after. So I don't feel as bad i have a friend through paramotors who legitimately thinks less of taylor because he used a handicapped stall he watched the show and he's mentioned it to me

like i 12 15 times you got that one douchebag friend who shits on you. He shits on Taylor. I think he likes you. He thinks you're funny. But when he found out that you use handicap stalls, I feel that way about handicap parking spots. To me, those are reserved. Yeah, that's different. Yeah, I don't do that.

Those are reserved. These stalls are not like you don't have to scan your battery. Handicapped accessible, I never thought it meant handicapped exclusive but an addendum to that sometimes I do identify as a pregnant female and so I will park an expectant mother I saw Larry there's a couple Larry David episodes

from his show about the handicapped bathrooms and in one of them he gets caught in there and he pretends like he has Tourette's he's just like I have Tourette's. He's just like, I have Tourette's! And he's just like, I just fucking count! Get the fuck out of here! I'm deaf, I park in the handicapped spot. In the movie Twins, Danny DeVito parks in the handicapped spot.

And the lady's like, you can't park there! And he's like, huh? Do I look normal to you? And runs into the store that's actually if there's any veto could get that yeah don't dany pito he's like do you know the pain i put up with every day like must be appreciating to look like that best pain well your friend knows that i had made a conscious effort to stop shitting in handicap stalls until the moment i heard what he's been saying and now I will exclusively shit in them again. Not only that,

he's going to shit on the seat. If I see someone wheeling towards the bathroom, I'll sprint ahead. I'm going to put slippery things, little wet platinum on the floor around the toilet. That'll get them. Come in here on your crutches. On those support

rails. Those support rails they've got on the side. Lube them up. They're going to be flopping around on that dirty floor all lubed up. And I'm coming in and taking the chair. Whoa! I'm leaving with that thing. You're shitting while they're on the floor writhing trying to get up. I'm peeing a rainbow.

Keep the damn light on. Keep quiet. This is the only way I can get off. Oh, jeez. What was that, a flipper? I can't get a good grip on the slippery handrail with your flipper, huh? Sorry, I didn't notice you were one of those crab people. God damn.

I'm bad now. There is a total difference. I will drive half a mile away instead of parking in the handicapped parking spot i won't think for a second walking into the handicapped so i just see it as the bigger stall for the first comer yeah i'd be lying if i didn't seek it out you know thing you know you just you really got to squeeze it out so in a world full of tailors The handicapped accessible one Is the least accessible one

It's the first one picked I make all stalls handicapped At the grocery store the other day They now have parking That they say, the sign says For families with children only And I was like Yeah, and I looked at Kitty

And I was like Let's see him enforce that bullshit right into that motherfucker they're not stopping me first of all we got a handicap placard on this fucking car i park where i want to park god damn yeah and i aren't there handicapped spots you could take instead it doesn't it's on principle but this was the premier spot it was right in front of the grocery sign. Yeah, pole position. It's like you roll out, carts are right there.

It's right by the entrance. I mean, I could hop, skip, and a jump to the door. It's brilliant parking. Families with children only. I was like, if anybody gives us any guff, tell them I'm very immature. I mean, clearly, I'm parking right here. For all you know, you have lots of kids out there. Yeah.

Yeah. I've got kids. They're running around. Where are they? They're still in the store. I'm going to go grab them. You wait here. You just never come out.

They're fiddling around in the handicapped stall. Let me go get them. Yeah. Yeah. I do like the expectant mother spots at the grocery store. I'm on board with that. Having had two kids, I can tell you the first and last trimesters anyway, she was effectively handicapped. I think

her disabilities would rank up there with the handicapped. See, I think that she allowed the book a handicap. Lowe's Foods to go. They load them up in there. You're lucky Chris Helmsworth wasn't in that grocery store loading up groceries. It sounds wrong when you say it chris helmsworth wasn't in that grocery store loading up gross sounds wrong

when you say it chris helmsworth yeah i can hear it but it doesn't come from me i think maybe we just learned something about me yeah yeah you're lucky he wasn't bagging groceries that day or she just sailed away that that could be uh but yeah yeah the the first trimester she got sick. They call it morning sickness. It was all day and night for her all the time. It was awful. And then the last trimester she was big. I had to tie her shoes, pick up things off the ground, etc.

I think they should get rid of expectant mother parking, but they should add a rule that if you're obviously a pregnant woman it's fine like you can you can park in the handicapped spot but like reserving it for expectant mothers only usually that spot is empty yeah like almost always even if all of the you know the crippled spots are taken that one's not so if you're handicapped you're handicapped for a long time right like usually uh you know to get a placard that's not hand Because if you're handicapped, you're handicapped for a long time, right? Like, usually. You know, to get a placard, that's not – you don't get that for breaking your leg usually. Like, that's a – it's a disability that's going to be probably for life.

You're only pregnant for nine months. It's only a problem for, like, three months. Okay. You know? Pregnant women have it too easy. I agree. Handy placards – handicapped placards can can expire you can get them for your broken leg by the way I got a lot of guys

requesting that we take that image over there that I posted and make it into a t-shirt and we donate the proceeds to fetal alcohol syndrome charities Jesus I don't want to show this this is mean it is very pretty let's not show that it is very

pretty funny though where did that picture come from E.T. smoke all day where did that picture come from you know I've got one of the videos was it from the subreddit from the discord from the

that's from Discord. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember who made that. That might be a little creation. Might be Scum. We're looking at a picture of Gangster Grandma's head on E.T.'s body, and it's not flattering. Perfect fit.

Perfect fit. It's not nice. Perfect fit. I mean, I didn't notice that there was anything awry there for the first... This is great, Kyle. At first, I was like, man, was anything awry there for the first... At first, I was like, man, the special effects were shitty in the 80s, huh? Look how wrinkly

and leather-like the whole thing looks. And then I realized that was just Gangster Grandma. Oh, that's mean! It is! She's not healthy,yle no shit you act like she was struck with illness after living a healthy virile life how old is she i don't know 15 20 how funny would it be if she was like 45?

She's no way. I mean, that'd be an effort to get there. I guarantee, no matter what age you guess for her, you'll be over. Really? Of her? She might not be 60. I bet she's not 60. What? Bullshit.

Bullshit. Dude, she's easily 65 What? Bullshit Bullshit Easily 65 if not early 70 So Wings is 30 Two teen pregnancies I assume So that would make her 30 also 48, 58 68 68 seems fine

That's 15 plus 15 Plus 32 There you go 68 seems fine 15 plus 15 plus 32 There you go 62 She's probably over 62 My dad is 63 Or 65 and he doesn't look anything And he looks old

He doesn't look anything like that Yeah Are there any post rolls? Home. I don't believe there are. Where can everybody find you, Tucker? I'm sure they probably know. Yeah.

Just Twitter and Twitch, Jericho. No eyes anymore. We got that clean branding finally after nine years of suffering. Fun as always. Thanks for having me on, guys. Peace is peace. All right. Marlboro 100s.

That's what he calls back for phones home. Can you bring some Marlboros? Sam. Sam, ET phone home. Painkiller already. Episode 418. Check out Tucker.