Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #430

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

On this week's PKA, the man with more stories than cars, and that's saying a lot, Ed Bolian from VINwiki comes on the show and he shares a ton of great tales with the guys. Sharing his time buying a criminals' Lambo and the art of the "Shrewd Negotiator", then the guys discuss the ever so hilarious "Doomsday Preppers" and more. You're most certainly going to want to tune into this episode of PKA!

Pinkular Ready, episode 430 with our guest Ed Bolin of VinWiki. Kyle? We have a few sponsors tonight. MeUndies, of course, returning. ExpressVPN and SmartMouth. We'll talk about them later on in the show, of course. But yeah, big guest. Ed, I'm a big fan

of your videos. Ed's YouTube channel, it's VinWiki, I believe. You also have the app that's VinWiki, which is like a crowdsourced Carfax type thing, right? Exactly. Very good. And does it sort of center around high-end exotics or is it a little bit of everything? Well, obviously, it kind of radiates from my sphere of influence, which is a lot of exotic car owners.

But it's for any cars. We've got about 165 million cars in our database so far. So it grows every day as we crowdsource more information and it's been a good thing so far. Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool. Um, so I,

I, my first question, because I haven't watched every one of your videos and certainly not the, the earlier stuff. I, I had two or three days to like cram and I watched maybe 40 videos, something like that. I like your stories a lot.

I think you're a pretty good storyteller. I really enjoy them. I'm a very good storyteller. I don't know anything about cars, and I would find myself on videos just being like, well, what happens? Like, what's going to happen to this? Yeah.

I guess my first question is, how did you, because for those of you who don't know, go over and check out his channel and look at Ed's collection of cars. It's very impressive. And then I noticed that in some of your stories, you're like, oh, yeah, I was in college or I was just coming out of college and I had this car and that car and this car. How did you start this journey to amassing this collection

of really nice cars? Silver spoon in your mouth or is this hard work determination and some insider knowledge? Mostly a tremendous amount of debt during a very lenient time. I found out early on that there were stated income loans, even for exotic cars, sometimes for very long terms. And so when I was 20, that would have been in 06, I got my first loan for an exotic car. It was a Lamborghini and I started an exotic car rental company out of my dorm room at Georgia Tech. So I've continued to kind of build up credit. So I have at least credit history, if not, you know, verifiable income. And that's allowed me to kind of keep buying, keep flipping and

generally make some money on each. Wait, we just cruised right past the stated income loan. Did you just tell him you made a lot of money and took epic loans? Yes. Yeah. That's hilarious. him you made a lot of money and took epic loans yes yeah that's hilarious dude stated income is the funniest thing ever you could just walk in and be like well how much do you make how much do i need to make i make 60 i make 60 000 a month so how much does that get me yeah it might be like once i have this car and i rent it out a lot i'll probably make this amount a month does that work for you and the answer was generally yes it Yeah. So you were like 20 years old, weren't you buying your first Lambo? Yeah. They still had online applications back then. Now, was this all calculated? Was this in your mind? Was this like, I'm going to roll the dice

here because I believe in this idea of renting out these exotic cars. I'm going to bet my credit history against my dream. And if I lose, I lose my credit. But if I win, I've established a business that I love and a field that I love and I get to drive a lot of nice cars. Is that basically what happened? Very much so. Yeah. I mean, you think about it, anytime you're dealing with an investment, the more leverage you can achieve, the greater the return possibility is. And so if I can get a the more leverage you can achieve, the greater the return possibility is. And so if I can get a loan by putting 10% down rather than putting all the cash out, it essentially makes a 10X return just with the risk of my credit. And there's no better time to go bankrupt than in college. That's fair enough. I can't argue with that.

No better time to go bankrupt. Stories from entrepreneurs at that age make you feel like a retard? I can't think of a better time to break my arm than 14 years old. Well, technically that's about right. You've got flexible bones and everything else. The only thing you could have done a little bit better maybe is maybe you trick your fiance

into signing all these loans, right? Then it's her credit on the line. And if this thing doesn't work out, then... So I actually started dating the girl that would become my wife one week before I incorporated the rental company. And actually, it took me just a few more months to find the first car and buy it. And so cars kind of came with the whole deal. But not long after we got married in 2010, she had, you know, back then in Georgia, you go to school for free. Like we have the hope scholarship. So pays for tuition

and books and everything else. If you get any other scholarships, you generally make money going to college. And so she had about 50 grand in savings. And I got a call from Ferrari of Atlanta and they had a car in their service department that the guy couldn't pay his service bill on. And the situation was that T-Pain had given this Ferrari to this up-and-coming musician, and he didn't really know how to drive it. So he left it in his parents' garage in Tallahassee. And he asked them to start the car. But of course, with most Ferraris, particularly from the 80s and 90s and 2000s, if you leave them for more than a few days, the battery's dead. And so they jumped it off, but they did so backwards.

And they fried all the electronics in the car. So it was about a $9,500 service bill, and he couldn't afford to pay it. But he had the title since T-Pain had given it to him as a gift. And so they called me because they knew I'd buy kind of any basket case exotic because it was a great option for a rental car company, but I didn't have the cash. And so I asked my wife, who was a first grade teacher at the time, if she'd like to become a Ferrari owner

at a very good deal. And so the guy didn't really know what he had, what it was worth, but he thought he wanted 60 grand for this car. And I offered him $30,000 and there were no other wholesalers looking to buy this car because when you have one that has like this massive bill before you can figure out how it runs in general, there's all these unknowable things. Like, is it going to shift? Are there going to be a transmission issue? All these things that could really be an expensive nightmare.

Nobody else wanted to bid on the car. I offered him $30,000. We went back and forth. This dude was obviously a very shrewd negotiator. We met right in the middle at $31,000. My wife bought it for $31,000. We drove it for, I don't know, probably five, six months and sold it for $60,000. Did she drive the Lambo to work as a

first grade teacher? No, she didn't. I wouldn't allow that. A Ferrari. Honestly, trying to get your wife or significant other to love cars is a very, very challenging thing because most guys get so uptight about actually putting miles on them or getting them dirty or getting them hit or getting a rock ship that the wives are justifiably scared that if they drive it, some bad outcome that might even be outside of their control will befall the car. And so they don't want to drive. And then maybe something befalls them. Maybe something bad happens. Exactly. Maybe they catch a few.

Right. So my advice to owners has always been, let your wife drive them, put her in very safe circumstance, out in the middle of a highway or something where there's not much that can happen, and it'll kind of engender them into the car hobby. My advice is to crank up that anxiety and keep them out of your damn cars. Well, if they like them, you get to buy a lot more of them. This is a quick question for Woody. Woody,ody just for your information just purchased a a very nice f-150 and he's not the kind of guy who buys a car every year he's a once in a generation car buyer and he buys he buys once and he loves his car and then he keeps it for a decade or more woody have you let jackie drive the new oh yeah

yeah i have really yeah even like she doesn't even like we had a long trip. We went to New Jersey and back and we split driving duties. She's not completely comfortable in it. She prefers to sort of pass it off. But I let her drive it for sure. I even let Hope drive it, but she declined. Wow. I am shocked because like my only riding experience with Jackie, I was in the passenger seat maybe or in the back,

and I think maybe she put it in drive instead of reverse, in her own front yard and ran up over, I don't know, a flower boxer type landscaping timber thing. And it was like, wham, wham, wham. And I was like, we just started this ride. I'm looking at Woody like, is this normal? Is this what I should expect? Is there like a racing racing harness should i get in the middle and grab both does the day end with why you know like yeah yeah we were just talking she needs a new car it's time

for a forerunner is i think in 2004 and uh you know and it's all bumped up and stuff and she's like i want a used car you know because sometimes i hit things yeah she knows who she is ed what would you recommend for uh a lovely she likes to sit high of means who uh who needs something that's good at hitting things i'll tell you my uh my wife is also extremely good at hitting things not hard enough to necessarily require repair but enough that when you clean the car you're like goodness gracious how did all this happen when we were dating she used to i you enough that when you clean the car, you're like, goodness gracious, how did all this happen? When we were dating, she used to, back when five years ago, not long ago in Georgia, you could talk on the phone at any point while driving, pretty much text and not have any consequences for it other than obviously crashing and dying. She would be on the phone and she'd

say, I can't see if there's somebody there in that lane. I'm just going to go. I'm yelling, no, no, no, don't do that. It's crazy. She was trying to back out of a parking spot on a Porsche Cayenne that I'd had her. And she said she was going back and she thought she hit like a hole or something and the car stopped. And so her answer was more power. And in doing so, she just grounded along the side of the Corolla that she was in the process of hitting. And she said she got out and the lady just was like, so sorry because she'd kind of parked in this,

like, you know, waiting for another car to come out. And we, you know, obviously I was like, all right, get her information.

We'll fix her car, like whatever. It's not that big of a deal. And you could never get them on the phone. So no, no consequences, which is not good for reinforcing. Like you got to pay attention to what's around you. That person had something else going on in their lives.

Then they didn't want any documentation or any further meetups with you. There was a body in the trunk of that Corolla or something like that. That's it. Done. Get out. Jackie likes to hit curbs. You know those very sturdy poles you might find in like a parking lot she likes to hit those yellow domed yeah that's exactly it um yes not usually other cars see with

that neon yellow it's glistening in the light uh she we have had to replace a garage door one time you know because forward and reverse are kind of similar ish my mom mom did that where she had a Honda Odyssey, I guess. It was one of the first models when I was a kid that had the automatic doors. One of the first ones. And she started backing out once with one of them fully open. And the side of the garage and the open door, it tore the door it tore the entire thing off and so we had to i i remember i had to go to school one of those days my mom was like taylor we got to get you to school we got to get you this is a different one this is a different one so wait two different

times you've been in vans that didn't have side doors on them in the cold? No, the one with the side doors is, I was even younger me and my brothers and my mom, we were all out to eat on some snow day and me or someone else ripped ass really bad and my mom we were sitting at a light and she's like, ah, ah, that is just so terrible. And so she hit the buttons to open both doors and so it's a snowstorm coming from the middle of the car. And the girl in the car next to us in the fucking Durango, I can still remember it, is pointing and laughing at us. I'm like, Mom, close the door, close the door. But then the

light turns green, and so we have to start driving. And it won't close while you're driving, so we're just driving in freezing winds for a couple miles but this was one where she pulled out tore the entire door off of the odyssey and i still had to get to school though and so i had to like with my you know i don't know 10 year old body like muscle this thing back up into the position of where a door should be and then we took like maybe eight strips of duct tape and we're like, all right, let's tape this to the car itself. And then we, I went to school and at one point we're on the highway.

My mom's like, Taylor, the duct tape's failing. The duct tape's failing. Hold on. And so I had to like, what'd you do for the way home? I wonder or something.

Oh, that was so embarrassing. I was like, please, please drop me off with the tape side facing the other way. And she didn't. So I got a lot of poor kid jokes that day.

It can be such a shocking, terrifying moment when you damage, not your vehicle, it's rough. But when you damage someone else's vehicle. I've only done it once, I think. I've only done it once. And I've only done it once and i learned my lesson well no i've done it twice um and both times it was backing into someone else's car luckily both times it was my dad's fucking car so once i was on an atv with my cousin he's he's riding on the back and this thing's got this like override button so normally in reverse it's like

putting along with but there's an override and you can go full force in reverse it's like putting along with but there's an override and you can go full force backwards and it's like a 500 cc atv it'll go and my dad just had i don't remember the year but he just had bought a brand new like four-door silverado like top of the line i don't know forty thousand dollar truck or something like that in like 2004 or something i back right into the back fender of that thing so fucking hard it just caves in the whole fender and crumples it in a way not just a dent but like crumpled metal the kind that's gonna have to be ruined back out ruined it and i just remember crying and crying and crying and just feeling so sick that I had done that to his car. And he was cool about it or whatever. He was like, well, shit. Yeah. I guess

we'll get it fixed up. My dad's got like a paint and body background. So, you know, he could fix it and he made it right. But it was a bunch of work that he was going to have to do because of me and, you know, Bondo and paint and all that bullshit. And then another time, my mother and father were actually out buying her a brand new car. And I I'm home alone. And I look down to the valley and

some of our neighbors have come over to like like set the scope on a rifle. They're using our firing range. How old are you? I'm like, ah, 15. Okay. Maybe. And i'm like ah 15 okay maybe and uh and i'm like ah fucking the boys are down there i'm gonna i'm gonna hop in the pathfinder and and haul ass down there and see what they're doing then i hop in the pathfinder throw that thing in reverse and ram right into my mom's old car so fucking hard so fucking hard it's a consistent theme in your accidents yeah like

this is i don't remember what it was it was some kind of look but i hit it so hard that i go like up and over the bumper with my back bumper and the pathfinder was not damaged it's a fucking pathfinder it could take a it's just steel bumpers and shit and it just but it crumples the whole front end of this car breaks both headlights out like every little thing that can break in that sort of collision that's another $300 just all breaks. You really hit it good. I hit it real good. I put the thing in reverse and went,

and then got about eight feet of travel and then smashed the motherfucker. I was making a show of hauling ass down there. If you're going to have an accident, have an accident. I fucked that thing up. My thought process was like, well, shit. She's getting a new one today anyway.

What's the big fucking deal? And my dad felt the same way. He's like, well, that'll be at least $4,000 on the insurance, and we're not fixing that bitch. He was going to trade it in, maybe. No harm, no foul. You just made me $4,000. Kyle, good job.

So that was that. So you didn't learn your lesson there either. I learned to look behind me when I backed up, and I haven't really hit anything since then. Yeah, I mean, it took a few tries, but as an adult person, I've never backed into anything. Ed, I listened to some of your stories, and you have.

I'm talking about dinging up a fucking Chrysler for four grand or backing into a Silverado for 2,500. You've got some nightmare stories of test drives that got gone wrong and people banging into shit. And I mean, you curb the rims on a Lambo and you could be looking at well, probably $500. Oh yeah, no, absolutely.

Yeah, most of the wheels are four to five grand each and they don't necessarily repair well. I think I only crashed, I hit a deer in one Lambo, which I don't really consider to be my fault, but the deer continue to haunt me. But I did crash an Aventador, like the first used one we ever got. I was like 445 in Metro Atlanta, which is, you know, is a terrible, terrible time to get out on a road.

And an owner, a friend of the owner of the dealership came in and the general manager is like, hey, I'd give this kid a ride. He had like, I don't know, an eight year old kid. And I was like, you want me to go sit in traffic with this kid in this car? And he's like, yeah, just please do that. So I go out there and pull the car around. And the dad asks if he can ride with the kid in his lap. And, you know, I don't have kids at the time. I don't think, oh, that's a stupid idea.

I think it's preposterous. But I asked my boss, like, do you want me to do that? And he said, yeah, sure, whatever. And so we take a right out onto the main road there. There's a multi-use turn lane. I'm just proceeding along to make a right because traffic has just stopped, literally gridlocked. We can move a little bit in the turn lane. This guy stops traffic to wave somebody across.

It's this gigantic guy in a 2001 Chrysler Sebring convertible and he just stomps it comes flying through I stand on the brakes we're not going that fast probably get down to under 10 miles an hour and almost get stopped but he comes just soaring in and we just tap him but it was right square in the middle of the front bumper and right kind of just in front of his rear right wheel. And it fires all the airbags. Oh, no. And it literally just cracked a hole about this big where the emblem is on the hood or the bumper of the Aventador.

And this was still a $400,000 car at the time. It's like a nice home. I time. It's a nice home. I know, it's a really nice house. So it turns the radio off, blows a charge in the steering column to make it all flimsy, drops the windows, turns on the flashers,

blows the side, no, doesn't blow the side airbags, blows both front airbags and the knee airbags. So there's just powder everywhere. This kid is screaming. The kid just got walloped by an airbag sitting in the lap of his dad. We get out

and the dude wasn't wearing his seatbelt and was wedged into this thing. He falls out of the car. Was he fat? Yeah, real fat. Of course, it's right in front of the lowest rent apartment complex in that area. So there's a huge crowd and they're all like, that Lamborghini is going to buy you a house. Well, darn it. No, that's not going to happen. And so I'm like, is that kid

all right? And he's like, yeah, I think so. And so we get out and it immediately starts the longest traffic jam you've ever seen. It's a bright orange Lamborghini, doors up, everybody's taking a picture. And so I call my boss, I'm like, I don't know, I'm sorry. And so, you know, the, we get it all sorted out, get the car towed away. It takes darn forever. And the next day, this guy shows up that I'd hit and, you know, he had a, you know, definitely didn't have insurance. And the next day, this guy shows up that I'd hit and, you know, he had a, you know, definitely didn't have insurance. And I'm like, well, I, you know, you can file it. Our insurance will, you know, you can file it and they'll buy you a new Chrysler or whatever. And they'll pay any bills you have or whatever. He's like, man, I need money now. And I'm like, well, that's not

really something I can help you with. I appreciate that you want that, but I don't know what to do. And so he's like, hi, what can you do? My mom got some money from somebody. I was like, well, I mean, you can hire an ambulance chasing attorney. I don't think you're going to have a great deal of success, but if you feel that's the best bet, by all means. And so this was three months after I had set the world record for speeding across the country. And so we were all a little bit concerned that a proper ambulance chaser might find that out and have an issue with it. And it was also when the prior year, the owner of the dealership ran a red light in a Bentley Continental Supersports and totaled it.

And the general manager totaled a car on a test drive running a red light and had hit a BMW pretty hard. And that had been a really bad one. So this was three in a year. So we were probably going to get dropped from the insurance anyway as a dealership. And so the owner of the dealership was like, well, if you can get him to take some small amount of money to go away and we can make him sign some indemnification by all means, you know, I'm happy to do that. And so I, uh, ended up getting him to take three grand, 3,500 bucks, something like that. And, uh, they were very, very pleased to have it. And so he went off on his way and we fixed the event at or, and I sold it to, I sell it to, Oh, some guy, he traded in a Busta Rhymes, green mercy. Oh, some guy, he traded in Busta Rhymes Green Mercy.

It was on MTV Cribs. That's so cool. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Had neon lights everywhere. Proper disgusting car. Do you make money on all these exotic cars? How often do you take a loss? They can't all be winners, right?

I have made money on all the car, all the exotics that I've owned personally as a dealership. No, you lose money on a good bit of them. I mean, you know, in the aggregate exotic cars depreciate about 1% a month. So all cars depreciate on an average 1% a month. And so if you've got $12 million in inventory, I mean, you may have $120,000 of depreciation. You've got to deal with of your inventory in a month that's because watching youtube it seems like these cars all gain value

that's how they make it sound like yeah i bought this mclaren for x and it's worth 5x in a few years we lose i think we just lost there we go there we go we're gonna just ask the camera for a second how can you tell if it's going to appreciate or depreciate? Is that an obvious thing that you know? Well, it's generally going to be a combination of rarity and significance of the car and, you know, general trends. So if you see the previous generation appreciate, you can start to assume that the next generation will eventually. start to assume that the next generation will eventually so i've had pretty good success just focusing mostly on being a manual transmission being rare and having some historical significance yeah i was listening to a couple of videos and i love your your whole bit where you're like

she this fucking whore wanted 75 grand for her Lamborghini Murcielago. And so I offered her 30 grand, but she was shrewd. And so we met right in the middle at 30 grand. Over and over you have those. And that's so fucking funny. Like what I want to hear, like what that process is like, because there wasn't any middle ground. Like when she came at you at 75 and you're like 30 sounds more realistic. She had to have pitched a bit of a fit

or there's got to be some story in the middle, right? Well, there's a narrative to make it all seem fair. I was actually trying to buy a repossessed Ferrari from a bank in Central Georgia a few months ago. And I was the lowest bidder and there were several bids above me. But I started down this line of logic like, anyone who will pay you more than I'm offering is so stupid that they don't understand the risks they're taking with all the things that can go wrong with this car you've got. And so if you make the mistake of selling it to them for more money than I'm willing to pay you, you're incurring the liability of them having to sue you because they've

misunderstood this product. And this woman was like, you're right. I mean, I'm going to get us sued. I'm going to lose my job. And unfortunately, her boss heard her say that. And it's like, no, we're going to give it to the people that want to pay more. You know, We tried. But in that circumstance, there was nobody else that was going to buy it because the risk versus the potential profit was really zero. So essentially, people go and get pre-purchase inspections on exotic cars or on a lot of cars that they buy pre-owned. But if you don't do that, all you have to do is essentially pad the offer by everything that you could have possibly go wrong. And then you don't need to have it inspected.

So I'm usually willing to buy it a lot faster and generally pay cash now. And nobody else is going to bid against me in that circumstance. They're all going to say, well, I'll pay more, but I want to get my mechanic to check it out and all this. And they know stuff's wrong with it it they may not know everything that's wrong with it but as you kind of scare them into all the things that could be they're usually pretty ready to make sure what was her boss like was he wearing like a pink velvet top hat and cape and a diamond i'd like to think so platform shoes with gold fishing this was not this was not the prostitute's boss.

Oh, damn it. That's what I thought we were talking about. I know. This was the Ferrari at the bank. That was the Lamborghini. But they sold it to someone who was willing to pay more, right? Yes. I didn't get to buy that one.

Shrewd negotiation did not work out. But you did get it from the prostitute. I did get the prostitute's Lamborghini. Yeah, that was actually today's story. The prostitute story is hilarious to me. It is so fucking funny. This half black, half Vietnamese prostitute

who was in jail at the time that the car came to you and only got out for a brief time it would seem. How big was her hip size? 50 something inches? 50 inches according to a now defunct Instagram account. I think your line on that

was she could take a break hula hooping. Yeah, that one's done well. I've seen ladies like that come into the dealership before and oftentimes they will offer sexual favors as some sort of negotiation tactic.

And as I was listening to your story, I had to wonder, did that happen? No, it did not. It did not. Despite many assumptions from YouTube commenters, there was no exchange of anything. Oh, I'm not suggesting there would be any actual exchange, just an offer of said sexual Even a tacit offer. She's putting some bait out there. I think it was pretty clear from our entire exchange that she wasn't marketing to my demographic.

So it was not necessarily something that was desired. She's serving the Vietnamese community. She's very ethnically royal in this way. Oh, that's good. Probably so. There you go. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, I really like that story. And just what a shitty individual that she was

to extort another hundred out of you to get the key back. Yeah, it was par for the course. Just ridiculous. We had an incident where a customer bought a – I sold Fords. I sold new Fords and used Fords in North Point up on Mansell Road. There you go.

And I liked that a lot. I was 19 or 20 at the time, and it was good money and a ton of hours, but I didn't give a shit. ton of hours, but I didn't give a shit. And so sold this guy brand new F-150, um, Ford, or I don't know, probably a $42,000 truck or something like that. Making money on it for sure. Maybe 8,000 gross or something like that. It's a great day. It's a great day. Everybody's very happy. You know, he's, he's in the box. He's in finance, getting all written up and everything. Car has, has been detailed. It's either been detailed or He's in finance, getting all written up and everything. Car has been detailed. It's either been detailed or it's about to be detailed, but it's definitely at the BP across the street getting fueled up.

That's where we fill everything up, obviously, before we give it to the customer. There you go. Salesman goes in, paying for the gas with a little card or whatever. Comes back out, and the truck is gone. Hey! He left the bitch running and this brand new detailed up fucking full tank of gas brand new top of the line f-150 is gone in the wind and whoever took it wasn't some like looky lou who was like oh

shit a free truck okay it was someone who must have been sitting at that BP and had been like, this is a good way for us to steal a car, and our car's stealing business, guys. Because they must have had it on a rollback or something, like, immediately. Because they immediately call the cops. Cops are immediately called. A car hauler.

They must have had it in a trailer or something because we never found that truck. And you gotta go to the customer and be like, I know you love that white F-150, but how do you feel about blue? I'm a blue man. It's like that scene from Pulp Fiction. Are you an oak man, Jimmy? Wouldn't you rather have blue? And talked him into a blue one instead somehow and just had to slide a different set

of documents in front of the was it otherwise the same or were there some other yeah yeah yeah we had so many like that is like like everybody atlanta won't speak that truck and up in up in alpharetta everybody's doing very well for themselves and they want to top the line when so we're just stocked with with every variation of that truck. Like, oh, but this one has this. There'll be just one minor thing different with all of them. Just the full kit. So yeah, it worked

out nicely, but it was just a terrifying moment because we're trying to keep him busy so that he doesn't know that his truck's been stolen while we try to recover it. Then we realize we're not going to be able to recover it. How about the guy responsible for leaving it unattended and and running it what kind of trouble is he in none at all no no just it very lenient with that sort of thing um like like and i i had i was going to ask you this question because i'm sorry mr kyle

he was a nigerian actually and. He was not going to apologize to me. Enormous gentleman. I am a. That's what he sounded like. He sold 20 a month every month. He was the man. But in exotics, I was going to ask... On our dealership, it was very common for a salesman to maybe take a used car home overnight, and just take it out for You know, maybe a Porsche Boxster will come in or something like that.

Hey, before we let this thing run through detail and everything, I'm just going to take it. And you wouldn't really ask permission. You'd just do it. And no one really seemed to care, you know, and people would get some, somebody would do it. And some jerk I thought would be like, hey, boss, Alex took out the Beamer. He took it out.

And he's been – What a bitch. He went to lunch in it. He went to lunch in the used Beamer. And the boss is like, I don't fucking care. I got 14 acres of product out here. You're coming to me for that? Go sell a car.

Why are you here? Why aren't you up there? Make some phone calls. Get out of here. They didn't care. I got to imagine it's not quite so lenient maybe with exotic cars when you're talking about a vehicle worth $200,000, $300,000. That is very sensitive to miles. So it's in most cases, yeah, they notice the miles on

stock in and if it varies a great deal, there needs to be a good reason. Now we did a lot of events. So I spent a lot of time driving the cars. And I was actually talking to somebody today. I was like, you know, the novelty of driving someone else's interesting car gets lost on you pretty fast because you're kind of incurring a lot of risk, not only with potentially money, but with whatever the relationship capital is there. It's just not really worth it. not really worth it. But we definitely had guys take them home. And we had a guy crash an orange Murcielago, spun it around and hit something, leaving a gas station on his way back in. Because you mentioned you had to go put gas in the car to sell it because every dealership leaves all the cars that are on the showroom floor or on the lot empty. Because obviously, you'd have a tremendous amount of dollars tied up in gasoline if you

fill them all up. But you can't sell one empty, but you could sell one on seven eighths. And so you would save money by filling them up at the beginning. And you would decrease the times that cars have to go to the gas station, which is a great place to get them stolen, have them catch on fire sometimes with exotics or just get hit because it's just low speed, lots of different moving directions. And so it's a really stupid practice, but it's one of those things that just old school car business is how we always did it. Yeah. So the magic of driving awesome cars is kind of gone. Like if I, if you had to go

somewhere for three hours away and I said, here's a McLaren, it's not even the one you want. Well, if it was a McLaren, I would be concerned that I would make it, but I, I would, I mean, it's cool. And I still love cars. Absolutely. But for me at this point, it's a lot more about the pride of, of ownership of what that means of eventually selling it, making money, stuff like that. The, the novelty of driving a car, that's not mine. It doesn't mean I don't love great cars i want to buy all the great cars but it's just you just take on so much risk that just usually isn't worth it i didn't like it i didn't like it and it's i i had i didn't have the experience that you had nothing like that but like if a viper needed to get moved i don't want to fucking ding this like it needs to be pulled through the double doors into the showroom i don't want to do this i don't

know how stiff that clutch is this is my first time driving a Viper. This is not good. How much is a Viper? It was a used Viper. Like $100,000? Yeah, $130,000, $140,000 new, and used anywhere from $30,000 to $150,000. Okay, it's still a pretty good idea. $60,000, $70,000 car.

But the real thing is, it's a rocket ship that I'm trying to move into a showroom full of people at two miles per hour. So you're just idling the whole way in. It might be hard. It's really, really stiff clutch. And I've never been in this motherfucker before. It's terrifying. We had a Ford GT. There aren't many of those things.

I don't remember what the thing. Maybe it was $150,000. We were definitely charging over sticker for the thing. There was probably like a $40,000, $50,000 premium on the thing maybe it was 150 000 or like we were definitely charging over sticker for the thing like like there was probably like a 40 50 000 premium on the thing and that thing needed moving into the the showroom and i'm like i would love to just take it for a spin around the parking lot but i'm not pulling it through those fucking double doors there's no fucking way and they let me they let me go for circle around the parking lot and i got the fuck out of that thing i said all right boss you can put it through those double doors though there's no fucking way

i'm driving a house through those double doors that's 38 inches off the ground or whatever the roof is on that thing yeah those were a little bit higher than 40 inches but not quite the uh that's the thing is when you park a car in a showroom, there's no clearance and it's impossible to do it by yourself. And so when you're having to park expensive cars, the person who is pointing and telling you what to do is responsible if you crash. And so that's the way we had to do it because we were parking, you know, five, six hundred thousand dollar cars inches from each other. And if you you can steer a car a lot better not being in it as long as you tell the person exactly how to do so and but you know the point that the person in the car stops listening to you you just throw up your hands and say you're on your own but if you do listen and you hit something then it's the pointer's fault yeah and a lot of people don't know how to guide like i grew

up doing that a ton like whether it was hooking trailers up to trucks or whatever and like like they don't know the proper hand i i like to get this when i'm backing up to something i i like this a lot and people don't understand this and i've seen people do do this i'm like whoa you i'm not moving that fast you just you just went from two feet to eight inches you want to go from here to here my wife is guide tarted right all the hand motions are like you know like i'm not getting any of this yeah right like i don't or you know like i don't even know which one that was oh the the ridiculous uh steering wheel mime yes yeah you wouldn't want to say go to the right when you can go like that yeah and which one i'm not even sure if this is right or not ah she's awful awful edit

i i uh yeah i liked your story about the pcp guy would you would you tell that story because because that one to me was was i don't know this one yeah and also taylor didn't didn't watch this one i enjoyed that story so when stated income loans were a thing, and it was like 2007, I was in college and I needed a big place to store the cars. And I was this close to buying Terrell Owens' house. He was selling it and it had also been on MTV Cribs. And it was for sale just in East Atlanta. It was a good drive to Georgia Tech. And I was like, this makes all the sense in the world. Why are we all paying so much rent? And I was going to have like 15 roommates there. And I just narrowly avoided not doing that thinking like this is going to be the greatest financial decision I ever made. And it sold like three or four years later for half of what I was going to have to pay for it back then. But instead of that, we ended up living in the West side of Atlanta, which used to be known as just a great place to go and get stabbed. It was in this huge duplex where each side had like six bedrooms and two kitchens. And we were on one side, me and a bunch of my roommates and intramural teammates and

stuff like that. And we were out for spring break, but there had always been this Saturn parked like in the best parking spot. There was a big open area that we could all park in and it never moved. It was disgusting, just covered in tree sap and everything else. And we kept asking the landlord to move and he kept saying he would, but he never did. And we're just like, come on, get it out of here. And one day we all got motivated and we just started just breaking stuff on the car. And nobody really cared. It sat like that for forever. And every time you'd walk

by, you just break something else off, break the mirror off, break the window, the punching bag for when you were frustrated with college life. And so we did that for a very long time and nobody really cared. But when I was gone on spring break, I got a call from one of my roommates that was still there. And he's like, man, you will not believe what happened last night. And so apparently a guy that lived on the other side that we never saw or interacted with, had come in and it had been his car. I don't know how it took him months to figure out that his car was not in the condition he left it in. And it made me the tag for three years expired. And they,

and another one was an investment vehicle. That's what you're not understanding. Didn't resist it. Panels didn't do so much. Didn't resisting, but he had, he was yelling, banging on the door. I've got a gun and I'm going to kill you. And the only thing that they had there to defend themselves with was an intramural softball bat, but they were fully prepared to kill him back for he came through our little plastic door on this cheap duplex.

And he couldn't get the door open, so he decided to throw our grill through the window. And it made it enough to break the window and then kind of fall back on him. And he cut himself on the glass kind of trying to climb through and gave up on that. And proceeded to bleed all over the few cars that were still left. So we came back. And the whole parking lot and my girlfriend at the time, my wife now is Mustang, was covered in blood. The cops came, obviously, and arrested

him. They said it was PCP that he was on. He was feeling none of the pain. He went around and was just intentionally bleeding on the cars. That was the only... That's alpha as fuck. Right? From Fight Club.

We actually had a guy that used to detail cars at Lamborghini Atlanta. And he might at one point have stolen an Aston Martin from inventory and then magically found it a couple days later when he realized he couldn't do anything with it. But he was actually working. I ran into him at a gas station they built right around the corner. He was running security. He had this huge gun on him and everything.

I said, you know what? I was going to dinner somewhere in that area. I used to live right down the street. He looked at me like, what do you mean? You lived here? I guess it's even gotten worse now. It's a proper, terrible place to live. Yeah. There's some sketchy parts of Atlanta, for sure yeah

yeah north side and south side and east north south and easter are all pretty good i like east point a lot but uh west side of atlanta can be a little rough that's right that's right but uh good memories good stories occasionally that wasn't the only thing that you have to say that about your like childhood city when it's like oh oh, St. Louis is great. Just don't go north. Oh, definitely don't go east. South can be iffy. Be careful. Actually, where we're standing right now, while we are technically surrounded,

fairly safe. It's a good spot. Don't move. No, don't go over there. That gas station? No, no good. We're safe right here. I want to know... Oh, go ahead, Kyle. I was going to say, you had a story about people coming into the dealership at night and stealing rims. And another one about some stains that was appearing on the car.

I thought both those were interesting. The only experience. Can we do the stain one first? Yeah, the stain one for sure first. My experience with anything like that was homeless men were coming in the winter and sleeping in the inventory. Is that a soup kitchen according to that Wahlberg movie? We used to joke about that. They were not making soup kitchens, but they were sleeping in them.

You could tell that they had been slept in. I want to say a guy got caught sleeping in the car or something like that. Come in at 8 in the morning or whatever, and there's a hobo sleeping in the Tahoe. in the car or something like that. We come in at 8 in the morning or whatever and there's a hobo sleeping in the Tahoe. Then it's on us as salesmen to go around at night and lock every

fucking car in its 14 acre lot. It's hundreds and hundreds of pieces. It's a huge store. It's a huge store and we hated it. We hated these hobos so much. To this day, I have a hatred for homeless people that is solely about that. I joke about them all the time when people think I'm mean about it. We hated these hobos so much. To this day, I have a hatred for homeless people that is solely about that. I joke about them all the time. People think I'm mean about it.

This is why. This story right here. They were coming in, sleeping in the car, sneaking them up. And so then we had to go, it's closing time. It's time for me. I should be on my way home. But no, I have to go out and lock every single fucking truck. Well, they came, I guess, and it was cold. They came and they tried to click, click, click, click, click. They're looking for a truck to hide in. Well, we had golf carts to get around the lot. It was a really big lot and someone had left a golf cart out. This was a problem. They sleep in a golf cart? How's that even helpful? Oh, they did not sleep in the golf cart. The lot is

on a bit of a hill. Nothing crazy steep, but it's definitely on a slope. Were they fucking in it? No. They got in the golf cart. They got it up to maximum speed heading down the hill. And then they jumped out and let it crash right into a brand new vehicle.

Hilarious. They're winning me over. And we took that as a response to us locking the cars because it happened shortly after we locked all the cars. We figured they... It's better than bleeding all over the car. It's much better than bleeding all over the cars. But so then the rule is the golf carts all have to be parked inside at night. So these guys are just making all kinds of extra work for us.

You had an excreter though. I hope... Kyle mentioned homeless men coming in his story. I hope it's an edge to carry on. I don't know the living, the living arrangement this guy enjoyed, but we had a guy, this would probably have been like 2011 or 12. And we had, we, we were just finding, you know, we have to wash the cars all the time because even though, you know,

they're all worth a lot of money, we don't have enough showroom space to keep them all inside and so we kept having them they'd be clean but there'd be this like sappy residue on the hoods usually like right around the hood emblems and we couldn't really figure it out but it would happen like we were trying to move them away from trees but it was very like spot on like the center of the hood or front of the bumper. And the detailers would have to grab two or three of them each day and take them back and clean them off. And one of the dudes came to me one day and was like, Ed, I think that's urine we're having to clean off these cars. And I mean, it is kind of yellowish or whatever, but that seems absolutely preposterous that we would be having urine spontaneously occurring on the hoods of cars.

And so we ended up going back through the security footage, which was, you know, like it was still like it's terrible, terrible resolution. But we see this guy in a trench coat in the middle of the night walking from car to car and standing in front of it for a second and then taking a camera phone picture and then moving to the next one. And it demonstrated phenomenal prostate control because he was urinating a little bit on one and then moving along to the next. But it didn't seem like urine because it was so sappy and disgusting. And so we called the cops. We're like, Disgusting. And so we called the cops. We're like, have you heard of this happening?

And they're like, no, but that's really weird. And we would very much like to catch the person and get to talk to them. We've got our own orange sat problem. Funny you ask. So I was not like trying to do a cardio or something. And our general manager comes walking across the showroom floor. And he's on his phone. He goes, Ed, Ed, Ed, he's back. He's back. And he had gotten bold. He came during the day to do this. And I see a dude kind of wandering across. So I call the chief of police because literally the police station's across the road from the dealership. So we let him borrow cars for parades and stuff like that. We had a

good relationship. So they come guns a blazing. Theyzing they yell he's like you found the urine bandit they had assigned him a name in town yeah and so they like the good the ones that were in their cars came lights on across the street and they chased him down behind the neighboring like laundromat pool hall pizza place and uh they i mean some of them were on foot. Like they shut down the road to come chasing this guy. And they caught him. And he was, I'm sure they yelled, you're in trouble now. I just remembered this story.

I hadn't thought about this in so long. There's a lot of turnover in sales, in the sales department, of course. And so, you know, it was almost like being in a, in a unit in Vietnam. You didn't want to befriend the new guy too much because he might not be around too long, you know. Because his name's handwritten on a business card. Yeah. And don't trust the Vietnamese process.

I got to scratch a paper here, you know, like, and, and, and, you know, the people that you had been working with for a while, you know, you felt like you were part of the original unit or whatever. Well, these new guys came, and they were hardworking. It was like Band of Brothers. We were like, we didn't want to get too close to them because we just tore me up to see them get killed. That's right. It's a rough business, but these guys moved down,

and they had formerly worked in insurance or something. They were young guys. They were like my age, maybe a couple years older, 23, something like that. And they were hard workers, and that was getting them through one more so than the other. I wish I could remember their names well. I think it was Kyle and Travis, actually. And Kyle was doing real well. Travis was not.

And they even looked their level of success. Kyle looked smart, had his head shaved. His glasses were nice. He always wore a dress shirt and a tie. And Travis was slovenly. He was a little overweight. His beard was always unkempt. He was struggling real bad. He was still on an air mattress because he couldn't afford to get his shit out of storage back in Pennsylvania. So they auctioned it all off while he was in Atlanta. So he's living on a goddamn air mattress. But he fucked a girl on that air mattress one night, and I told him that was one of the most incredible accomplishments and fuckery I'd ever seen.

I've gotten some girls, but I've never been able to fuck one on a fucking air mattress. You brought her back, and she didn't just walk right out? Nope, she was down. That thing went flat about halfway through, too. Anyway, he takes a car back to get it detailed. Somehow he miraculously sold a car. And a homeless man is back there. He's not supposed to be back there. It's very much a fenced in area. It's like back behind our service department, far away from the showroom floor. And the homeless man tries to

rob him. He has nothing. He has nothing on him. And he tells, he's like, I don't have anything, man. And the guy poked him with a little pen knife. I say poked because it certainly wasn't a stab wound. He just poked him. He poked him. It was like Southern Rim. It's always sunny in Philadelphia when they're at the carnival, and that guy just, eh, like stabbed. He stabbed him, but it was a bullshit stab.

He's like, he stabbed me. And I hear come out over the radios. The place is so big, there's radios everywhere. I don't carry a radio, but the managers all have them, and you can hear the radios nearby. Travis has been stabbed back behind the... And I'm just like, what the fuck? And I've got a gun, so I'm just like, get the gun, fucking throw it into my suit jacket. We get on the golf cart, we drive fucking back there. Nobody's back there. This guy's made his escape.

He's over the fences. Once you're over the fences, he's in friendly territory. Let's just put it that way. We're not venturing. That's the DMZ over there. He's made it into Laos. We can't go over there. We won't

come back unscathed. He's fucking poked in his palm. He tried to defend himself. And I stuck him in the fucking palm. In the palm? Yeah, in the palm. He's holding his hands up. And I can only imagine it was one of those Swiss Army bullshit little pin knives.

But he's like, this is the worst job, man. I've had the hardest time. I'm like, well, you sold a car? He's like, I made $50, man. I made $50. I'm out here getting poked. He's like, I made $50 on that car. That wasn't the issue we had with early employees. Generally, when people get a job selling exotic cars, they make some crazy

personal financial decision. And the most common one is to buy a motorcycle. And Georgia is a little bit peculiar in that to get motorcycle insurance, you have to have a motorcycle license. And to get a motorcycle license, you have to take the motorcycle license. And to get a motorcycle license, you have to take the test. And to take the test, you have to have a motorcycle. So you have to have it before you can insure it. And they will finance them without you having insurance or a license. So you can get a loan for a non-insured asset and then go through the process and hopefully be able to insure it. And so we had a lot of guys that would come in and literally the first week they buy a motorcycle. And one of his, one of the guys' name was Nick

and he was young, you know, just, I'm so cool. I'm selling exotic cars. I'm, I'm everything I want to be. And so he buys this victory motorcycle and I don't know what it's like 15 grand and finances every dollar of it as most car salesmen have a tremendous amount of negative equity in their cars. It's a strange thing. Our motorcycles too. And he's never ridden one. Doesn't have any of the steps completed. Doesn't have a license. Doesn't have insurance, nothing. And so I'm on the phone actually trying to buy a Bugatti for a customer. And it's like a nice kind of fall day. We got the doors all open. It was getting time to close. I hear them outside. One of the guys that worked at the store that knew how to ride a motorcycle was like, well, I'm going to pull it inside.

They had dropped it off to us. He didn't drive it away from the dealership. They came and gave it to him. It was in a lot. He started. It was pulling it in. He's like, hey, I just want to sit on my new motorcycle. One of the rules of motorcycles is you don't sit on one without a helmet. And if you don't know how to drive one, you don't sit on one while it's running. And, you know, because with a car, like if you don't know what you're doing and you just do nothing, you'll usually slowly roll into whatever's in front of you. With a motorcycle, if you suddenly let go and do nothing, you launch into whatever is in front of you. let go and do nothing. You launch into whatever is in front of you. And so he was probably about 18, 20 feet from the back of a Porsche Panamera. And he obviously just kind of doesn't know what he's doing, tries to make it move and just drops the clutch and blasts himself into this Panamera

and shatters the back glass of it with his face. No helmet or anything, obviously. The motorcycle drags along the side of the Panamera and does a bit of damage to it. And so I hear just screech, bang, crash, boom. And I go out there, and the guy who had kind of let him sit on his motorcycle, knowing he didn't know how to do it, was like freaking out, trying to pick up the bike. Our sales manager was out there,

like noticing all the blood coming out of Nick's face, and he's freaking out. And so I go over there. I kind of grab his face. I'm like, yeah, we're going to have a fun night tonight. And so he comes out. And so fortunately, I don't know. I had a moving blanket in my car.

So I got him in there. And he keeps looking down. And all the blood's just dripping out of his face, all cut up. And so we go up to the emergency room and he, I mean, there's like little girls with broken arms and stuff like that. And we look like we just came from an ax murderer and I'm probably the ax murderer.

Cause he's the one with all the blood on, but it was covered in blood. So they get him in immediately. And the first doctor walks in and sees how much blood and how much, how cut up he is. And he's like, nope, not doing that. He goes out and calls another guy. Second dude comes in.

Can you do that as a doctor? I guess they had to. You probably want that, right? Because I don't want a doctor that says, hey, I'll give it a go. I feel like I got it. I got to learn sometime. I've been doing this for three months, so I got it. That's right.

New personal best for Stitches. But the third guy was like the Stitch guy. Because during the time he was putting about 80 stitches in Nick's face, two times people came in like needing the Stitch guy, and he's like, no, I can't. And I mean, you know, he's young, kind of

vain, just, you know, freaking out. No, he's never going to look like anything but Leatherface again. Yeah, there's some scarred up eight-year-old girl somewhere because of this guy's motorcycle. Her arms are old. Yeah, the good doctor wasn't available. But I shouldn't have tried to pet the pit bull. I'm to blame.

I'll remember every time I try and use peripheral vision or depth perception with my remaining eye. I just don't know how you put an ear on backwards. I didn't have two left ears before the pitbull. They grabbed out of the mismatch pile. They worked on him for three hours. It was awful. He pulled back a flap of face and an ant walks out. I guess it had been on Portia.

I was like, Nick, you got a story from today. That ant has got really something to tell his friends when he gets back home. We got him all stitched up. I gave him one of my shirts we go get some to eat it's like you know two three in the morning you guys went to white castle afterwards or something steak and shake absolutely and i mean you know he's like wrapped up mummy style everybody's like what in the world it was like one of those scenes in a movie where they just finished fight club and like you know we're You can tell they're having just a whole different experience than the rest of the guests

of the restaurant that night. He was eternally grateful for that. The problem was, of course, new employee, no insurance, and no motorcycle insurance to pay medical bills. Before we leave, they're like, how do you want to pay for this? He's like, well, I don't know. I don't have insurance. And like, we can go speak to our financial counselor. And so we go sit in front of this huge woman that's going to tell us, you know, whatever Nick's going to owe. And she's like, she hands us a bill. It's like $8,500. And he's like, darn it. Cause he's already got to pay for his total motorcycle over the next like 60 months. And now we've got this huge medical bill that he can't get insurance for.

I said, well, if we walk out of here, I know your collection rates drop pretty fast. So what if we were to pay it right now? And she's like, oh, well, in that case, we could do a pretty big discount. We could probably take like 25% off. I don't know, I mean, it's not convenient to pay it right now.

She's like, well, I don't know, what if it was half off? I was like, well, still, you know, that's still $4,000. That's a big Amex bill this month. And she's like, I don't know if I can do any better than that.

I said, well, I don't know that I can pay you any more than what, you know, I'll tell you what, I'll give you, uh, uh,

eight, $800. And she's like, let me see what I can do. She starts fake typing. And she's like, let me see what I can do. She starts fake typing. We'll take it. She got like 92% off. Actually, then I pulled out my wallet.

I was like, you know what? I've got $500 in cash. Nick's like, stop. The Stitch Man needs his payments. That's right. I didn't know. I heard you tell that story. Just four hours ago, I was listening to you tell that story. And I felt so stupid because all my life I've negotiated everything.

I'm kind of aware of the things that are negotiable. I go buy a new living room suit. I'm haggling with this guy. I know he's on commission. I'm like, is there any wiggle room there? He's like, no, no, and I think you're getting a good deal here. I'm like, I don't really think I am. Maybe I'll go to rooms to go. Well, let's see what we can

do and just keep going until they're willing to let you walk out the door. That's kind of my modus operandi on most things. Furniture, cars, my serious satellite radio my my car insurance everything like like serious satellite radio will go from like fifty dollars a month to like eight dollars a month after about a 30 minute phone call you know and it i had no idea you could negotiate medical bills because i've had a face up i know

you could do it i know you could do it that well that is what's shocking me right when he said three grand i'm like this is hilarious he's gonna meet him in the middle at 31 no no he didn't he met him at 800 and nearly got five that is ah yeah i feel like there are times in my life i should just give Ed a call. Hey, I'm about to spend eight grand. I'll split the difference between what I actually spend with you. You know? Yeah. You might spend 15 minutes on the phone earning $1,500.

That seems worth it. This is a good question for my point in life. My Chrysler 300 is about to die. It's on its last leg. And I'm one of those people where i just drive cars till till the end like i'm not a big car person i don't know that much and so i'm going to get like a rav4 a path finder just something like a honda crv something like that what are your your go-to insider kind of tactics for negotiating as far as cars well if you start with like true car and some of these

like online estimates like what you can buy a car for now, usually, you know, it varies. Used cars So if you know anybody that has a dealer's license, they can check Mannheim and usually see at least what they would have given on trade, or maybe what they paid for that exact car at an auction. And if you line that up with Carfax or potentially Venwiki, we have a lot of them, then you can see what they actually paid. And then you've got to assume they had some reconditioning costs, maybe put some tires on, paint a bumper, stuff like that. And they don't usually care that much to make much money on the front end. They're going to make a lot of money in finance. And they have made some money in service. A lot of times that'll have some profit on it. So there's not always that much. But the thing

about a car purchase is, especially if you're going to own it for however long, people feel this badge of honor for negotiating on a car. But if you're going to own it for six months, like I probably would, what you pay really matters. If you're going to own it for six years, paying an extra 500 or 1,000 bucks, it just washes out. It doesn't really matter. So buy what you want and don't let the fact that you didn't get exactly the price you had to have to feel good about it interfere with that. Well, the crux of that is though, I want a cool story where I can say, they asked for 35 grand and I said, let's meet in the middle at $5,000. So we haggled and they were shrewd. So we met in the middle for seven.

I want a story like that. I don't think I'm going to get one though on a used CRV. A lot of it's in how you can deliver it. So even though I told you what to say, if you can't sell it, sometimes it doesn't work. I had a friend that was trying to, he really wanted a number on a used Sequoia or something over the weekend. So he's like, tell me master, what do you say? And so I told him what to say, but he's like, when the first text back is, really? That's what I should say. You know, they're not going to sell it. And so he ended up having to pay a little bit more, but that was actually an issue for me on the cannonball when we did that, because I was trying to find a reason to be speeding across the country. And I had gone to a butcher

shop and I bought three pig hearts and I had some stickers made up that said transcon transplant transport and I had them in a cooler but the co-driver that I had I didn't feel I could keep up the ruse and if you let that down like at all I would have loved to have been part of that guy

I would have loved to be part of that guy so much I'd have been dressed in scrubs like please officer you've got your little face mask on there's not much time I'd have been dressed in scrubs. Please, officer! You've got your little face mask on. There's not much time! That's right. You see all these clocks and everything? Yeah, we didn't do that.

But we didn't get pulled over either, so I guess it wouldn't have mattered. We have to be in LA by sundown! It's like, well, sir, I'm with the Indiana State Police. Now, I want to ask about that, the cannonball. Like what got you interested in that record specifically and breaking that record? Sure.

Like, so when I was growing up, you know, you read all these magazines and you see Nürburgring lap times and zero to 60 times and hot laps and stuff like that. And I was like, well, that's cool. But what I really care about is like, what car could I drive from point to point the fastest right and so I was like you know what would be really awesome I was talking to my father I was

like if they just lined up like all of the coolest cars with the best drivers and raced from like coast to coast he goes oh yeah cannonball that sounds like you and so I start researching everything that I can and that was in probably oh 304 and this was a couple years after Brock Yates had released the book. Yates was the founder of Cannonball. He was working at Car and Driver Magazine. And so I just started kind of learning everything I could about it and actually interviewed Yates for a high school project on automotive journalism and told him one day I wanted to set his record because nobody had really done it since 1983 with any level of documentation or proof. And so at that point, the record was 32 hours and seven minutes. And so I said, one day I'm going to beat that.

But he had said that he felt like 30 hours was just the wall. He really didn't think that their times could be beaten. But he said even half as many cops and half as many cars on the road, like 30 hours was all that was capable. And so nobody had really done it. But then a couple of years later, Alex Roy and Dave Maher did it in a BMW M5 in 31 hours and four minutes. I know Alex. There you go.

Hey, super nice guy sometimes. Super nice guy. Ton of fun. And so I've gotten to know him quite well since then. I'd met him a couple of times and kind of told him like, hey, one day I plan to do this. And I'm sure he gets it then as often as I do now. And you don't give it a tremendous amount of credence, but it's one of those things. And so I ended up doing it in 2013. And so we drove New York to LA in 28 hours and 50 minutes, averaging 100.3 miles an hour. What were you driving and how was it modified? 100.3 miles an hour.

We drove a 2004 Mercedes CL55 AMG. I had actually planned to drive an S55, which is the bigger four-door car. The CL is the two-door version. But when I bought Kimi's, the Prostitutes Gallardo, I was daily driving it and just wasn't driving the Mercedes, so I sold it. And so I had to rebuy one in 2012 to use for the run.

But we used that because it's got this auto-leveling hydraulic suspension it and just wasn't driving the Mercedes. I sold it. I had to rebuy one in 2012 to use for the run. We used that because it's got this auto leveling hydraulic suspension so it could cope with the two additional fuel cells that we put in. It had the stock 23-gallon tank and then two additional 22-gallon tanks. 67 gallons total. We could go about 850, 875 miles on a tank of gas. At 100? Yeah. Okay. Wow. Probably 100? Yeah. Okay. Probably go to 1,000. Does that hurt your fuel economy a little bit? Yeah.

I don't think that's the number one concern in this. Yeah. EPA doesn't rate that type of thing. So how do you accomplish that? Because I talked to Alex about this one night for a couple hours, and he said that after he did it, he had so many requests to come speak to government agencies like law enforcement and stuff because they're like, all right, cool, cool. How the fuck did you do that? Because this is our job, making sure

that you don't do that. He got all these invitations to speak before law enforcement agencies all around the country, the federal agencies. I guess that they had aerial photography of the speed traps and law enforcement agencies all around the country, federal agencies, and I guess that they had aerial photography of the speed traps and all the speed points, and they had mapped this thing out to a tee, and they knew and maybe they even had a spotter ahead of them or something like that. There was this

whole system for not getting stopped by the cops going 100 in Indiana. How did you do that, Ed? Yeah, because we averaged 110 across the whole state, right. How did you do that, Ed? Yeah, because we averaged 110 across the whole state of Indiana. How did you do that? Oh, you were probably tearing it up in the Midwest.

Because you're just trolling for tickets, right? Like dragging a line across the highway, trolling. How did you do that? So we had three radar detectors, two laser jammers, a police scanner, an ambulance traffic light changer, a CB radio, multiple phones running apps like Waze and Trapster. We had paper atlases, two different powers of binoculars.

We had five different people that ran ahead of us at different points of the drive to tell us what's going on. Alex had a spotter plane, which was vastly beyond my budget. And so that worked, I think, okay for him, but air to ground communication with a moving target on both ends is really, really hard. So they had to stop the change antennas a couple of times. We had twice as much fuel as he had. So it was a little bit easier for us. And with forced induction, the supercharged Mercedes was probably a little bit better fit. And I had a hundred more horsepower, but it was, uh, it was really, you kind of get there to New York city with a capable car and a sufficiently capable team. And it's kind of like you pull the arm on like this mythical slot machine that reveals the outcomes of all these

variables that you can't control. You know, how's the weather, how's the traffic, how's the construction, are there accidents, does the car break, are there a ton of cops? And literally everything went perfectly. I mean, it was, I've done it, you know, since then several times in like cheap and old cars as part of other events that are kind of also tribute to cannonball. And I've never been out there on the road when it was possible in probably seven or eight tries since then that it would even have been even with a car that fast, to have beaten 2850. And so it's hard to explain. I think if you gave me a quarter of a million dollars and 10 more tries,

I don't think I would end up beating it just because I don't think all this stuff I couldn't control would go well. Let's talk bathroom breaks. What do you do when you got to go? We had facilities on board for such things. We had pee bottles and a bedpan, but we didn't use any of it, honestly, because we stopped three times for gas, but we stopped about every two to three hundred miles just for

a 60-second switch driver stop. Stretch your legs, avoid blood clots, and you drive fastest in your first and last 15 minutes. It was just more of that time, and you easily made up the time from when you were not moving and so we'd pee then be fine just on the side of the road yeah what is an ambulance light changer so it's like where do you get led circle and it's uh is it like there's like a an ambulance going with someone with a broken femur and you're like not anymore and you turn it off so most of them work on encryption but in californ California back in 2013, they

weren't encrypted. You don't spend a lot of time on surface streets, so it's not all that useful. It's really cool to say you've got it, and I've enjoyed that. The only one I worked on is crossing the last street that you have to go on. We just ran it anyway. This thing,

is it a thing that people can buy? I assume it's illegal. It's changing the light from red to green. There used to be a company that sold them under the brand Omnitron. He's controlling the traffic light. Yeah, ambulances, they get mostly green lights with this device. Yeah, but sometimes, depending on the setup, how they're wired, it usually actually just turns them all red. So it's red in all directions and they run it. Sometimes it turns them green. In California, it turned it green. But you've always heard that rumor that if you flash your bright lights too fast at a traffic light, it'll change.

And that would be a pure happenstance that you hit the right frequency. But that's what's happening here. It's just a little bit more programming, a little higher frequency, more likely to work. That's great. That's hilarious. Alex is a ridiculous fucking guy. He's a character. I'm sure when you saw him, he had that jacket on, didn't he? Oh, he loves the jacket. Absolutely. Is it a bomber

jacket? A big eight ball jacket? It's like a German police jacket covered in buttons and insignia. It's a German jacket from the late 30s. It looks like a cross between the most decorated highway patrol officer of all time and an astronaut

from the 60s. It's ridiculous. We're on top of this. We're on top of a fucking building in Manhattan. I don't remember what the place was called. It was some sort of fucking thing where rich people pay like $200 200 grand a year. And you're part of a club and you get to enjoy these facilities.

And I was invited cordially there. Yeah. And, uh, I'm there with some already notable people. Like, like there's, I'm there with like a medal of honor winner who was just on like,

with like Bill O'Reilly. And I'm fascinated with his story, right? He's talking about Afghanistan and killing, um, terrorists with a rock and hand to hand combat. And then in walks Alex Roy, win in that jacket carrying a fucking steering wheel. And I'm just like, I'm sorry, Dakota.

I'm going to have to talk to this gentleman for a minute because he is piquing my interest. And he knew who I was. And so we just spark up this conversation. And by the end, he knew one of my friends, too. He knew, I can't think of his name. What do you know? The guy, the really rich British guy who's a model who raises Lambos.

Oh, yeah, I do. The guy's ridiculous. I forget his name, too. Yeah, his name's escaping me at the moment anyway. But they knew each other well. And he's like, hey, hey, Alex, you still own that club downtown? And I was like, yeah, the box? Yeah.

I don't know. You know, like 2% of it. And I was like, you own 2 still own that club downtown? And I was like, yeah, the box? Yeah, you know, like 2% of it. And I was like, you own 2% of a club downtown? He's like, yeah, yeah, you know, it's kind of nice. I get a table wherever I want, of course. It's okay. He's like, have you ever been in a three-wheel Morgan? And I'm like, I don't know what a three-wheel Morgan is. He's like, let's go downstairs.

And so we go downstairs, and here's this cigar shaped torpedo of a vehicle that is technically a motorcycle, but I don't know how to describe it. Maybe Woody can pull up a picture. But anyway, we hop in his three wheel Morgan. I do not have a helmet. He gives me some goggles though. So that was nice. And he takes me on this ridiculous tour of the city. He's like, like we're like notable things that happened. And then we go to the box and we watched some absolute debaucherous, crazy shit happen on stage.

Um, there was strap ons and whipped cream and dog people and singers wearing nothing but like shower curtain beads. And, and, uh, got real drunk and had a, had a amazing time with Alex and his stories were incredible from the,

from the stuff. Yeah. He's a fantastic story. Yeah, great guy. Great guy. Actually, the whole idea for VinWiki Car Stories came mostly from one thing I heard Alex Roy say in an interview. He said he has a story that he tells about being pulled over on the way to a book tour event where he learned that if you said to a judge that you had a lot of evidence, that it corresponded to this experience that many of the officers had had of rescuing some woman who had pooped all over an apartment or something like that. And somebody asked him to tell that story. And he said, it's about eight and a half minutes long. Are you sure you want me to?

And I heard that was like who on earth knows how long their stories are and i'm like he's recorded himself telling that story i'm like that's weird but that might be cool and so we ended up trying it yeah when uh when we were tooling around we were speeding we were speeding like crazy in Manhattan. It was late at night. But we were hauling ass in that three-wheel Morgan, just screeching around corners and stuff. And we get pulled over by undercover NYPD. They're in a Tahoe.

The guys are wearing a Yankees jersey. They're detectives or something like that. Undercover. I guess. They're in street clothes. And Alex didn't skip a beat. There was no fear. He'd done this shit before. Before they could say a word, he launches into conversation. Hey guys, I'm Alex Roy.

You may know me from this, this, this, and that. Hey, business cards out. I'm doing this talk down at the 32nd Precinct next week about this and this and that. You guys should come down. And they're like, oh, nice to meet you, Mr. Roy. That sounds like a lot of... They just completely disarmed them. There was no discussion about the fact that I should be wearing a helmet because this is technically a motorcycle. And we're speeding like crazy down these streets. And I'm pretty sure this thing is way too loud to be legal. I think it's louder than is legal.

Everywhere we go, everybody's stopping and staring because this thing is roaring like a dragon. Oh, yeah. No, it's a thing. He wanted to, after we set the record back in 2013, there was kind of an explosion of enthusiasm for other cannonball-styled records. So within two years, somebody,

the Tesla record, the electric car record had been set like three times. Somebody else had set a three wheeled record. Somebody had set a Southern route like Jacksonville to San Diego. There were, you know, a coast to coast to coast record. So people kind of thought,

all right, well, I don't want to try to make 2850. So I'm going to do other cannonballish junk. And so he wanted to set the three wheeled record in that thing with me. And I'm like all right, well, I don't want to try to bake 2850, so I'm going to do other cannonballish junk. He wanted to set the three-wheeled record in that thing with me. I'm like, Alex, that's the worst idea I've ever heard. When do I need to be there? The problem is I'm 6'5", and he's probably like 5'9", 10", I don't know. The seat doesn't move. The pedals don't move. We couldn't figure out a way.

They thought if they moved the pedals that I could fit, but then we'd have to like strap blocks to his feet so he could hit them. And then he ended up doing it with another guy from the drive where he was riding for at the time. And they did in the winter, which was a horribly terrible idea. And it sounded like literally the most miserable automotive exercise that anyone could ever have. But did he set the record? Yeah, it was pretty low hanging fruit.

It was like 41, 42 hours. I mean, I don't know. And were there a lot of other Morgans competing for this record? No, somebody else tried it in a Tri-King, which is like a Moto Guzzi that's made into a slightly smaller and less powerful three-wheeler. smaller and less powerful three-wheeler. Theoretically, a slingshot from Polaris is absolutely the right choice for whatever. It's neat. For masochists, it likes to try it next time,

but it's just one of those things. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be out in the air for that kind of a journey. Being in that Mercedes seems pretty chill, even though I guess you're on point looking for cops or whatever and looking for other cars so you don't run into somebody's ass. But being out in the wind would just be... I'm picturing that scene from Dumb and Dumber where he's just plastered with bugs all over his face. Absolutely.

That's no. Has anyone done it on like a like a like a crotch rocket, like a Yamaha one or something crazy like that? No. Usually they're adventure bikes. So either a BMW or K a bmw 1600 holds it now oh shit 30 it's like 10 hours slower than us 10 hours uh 38 and change he lost he ran through a tire uh like a brand new tire he spent it and had to find one so that took him like an hour to change and a bird hit him in the chest and so he had planned like a two-hour nap in Kansas

and had like, you know, oxygen and like, I don't know, like you had somebody there to like watch his eyes for an RM cycle or whatever. I don't know. A lot of interesting measures. That's a thing. There's the iron butt. Are you familiar with that?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, those guys, BMWs and Gold gold wings often do really well on those yeah and uh yeah just like compete to hit every state compete to go from florida to california and they just they just rock apparently texas is hard i don't know i read up all about it was interesting i briefly thought about doing it it's a very cool community of crazy people. So like, you know, if you have like, you know, anybody can have a hobby, but if you do something like that, that really like earns you the respect of other crazy people, you know, it's got some merit. Let me, uh, let me slip in a couple of advertisements here. And then I'm going to be real bad. How long you'll go? Like three or four hours?

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Like, is that the most insane one you've ever talked your way out of? Or is that not even close? It is. Well, I mean, I've gotten pulled over a lot in exotic cars, and usually it's not that big of a deal. But that one was nuts because I'm not exactly sure how bamboozled i was kind of from the whole thing because like we were driving up to cars and coffee in charlotte and i was driving a roof rt12s which is kind of like a really fast version of something that looks like a porsche it's made out of a bunch of porsche parts but it has 730 horsepower or at least it's supposed to. And so we were just

driving up. It was late at night, probably 11, 12 o'clock. And this regular 911 comes up next to me and is kind of trying to play. And so he passes me and I just blast pass, probably on 150, 60 miles an hour. And we kind of go around for a little while, probably drive 120, 150 for about, I don't know, half an hour. And then he just kind of pulls off. Okay, cool. Whatever. So we had probably an hour to go. And, but about five minutes later, there's blue lights behind me.

And that's weird. I was probably only going 90 at that point, which I guess is just caused by me. But yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Yeah. So I, but I didn't see him. So I, I don't, you know, I had didn't see him so i i don't you know i had a radar detector run in it was you know i shouldn't have been surprised by such a thing so i pull over

and he's like uh where y'all headed we're going to this car show and he's like any reason you're driving so fast i don't know just you know to get there and he says uh well i just clocked you at 126 and a 60 and And I go, goodness gracious. Is that what you said? Goodness gracious? Yeah. And he goes, that's what I thought. And I'm like, yeah, sorry about that.

And he's like, you got your license and registration? And I had an expired insurance card because in Georgia, it's all in a system, whatever. So I had to explain that to him, and he was a little bit upset about it. But I tell the guy that's with me, I was like, all right, he's either going to come back and take me to jail or he's going to write me tickets for everything. Following too close, too fast for conditions, failure to maintain lane,

speeding here, speeding there, all this stuff so we won't have to work for the next week. Then he comes back, not long, maybe five minutes later, and hands everything back to me and is like, here's your ticket. It's for $126 and a $60. You don't have to appear or anything. You here's your ticket. It's for $126.60. You don't have to appear or anything. You just send this amount. It's $356

or something like that. Really? Is that like 100 points? Isn't that a thing? They cut up your license in front of you. It probably ought to. It's within their jurisdiction to arrest you for

that but he said he clocked he didn't the the ticket didn't say how he had detected my speed there wasn't even a blank for it in south carolina it was in like anderson south carolina and so i was like well that's fantastic so i you know catch up to the other car we're driving with and i was like all right you know i guess i gotta figure this out. So Monday I get back to Atlanta and the best thing to do whenever you get a ticket in another place is you need to hire a lawyer locally. Cause if I paid a ticket for that, it might not translate back. Cause Georgia is not a driver's license compact state, but it might not give me any points, but the insurance would see it and I would get, and they never want to give me insurance anymore. And so I was like, well, um, I called a bunch and I was like, this is what happened. And they're like, well, what do you want us to do? Make it a hundred? Like, that's a pretty bad day.

I was like, well, actually I'd like it to be 14 over less. Cause that won't translate to any points here, even if it does come back. And they're all like, no, no, we can't do that. But then I get the attorney saying no, or the attorneys were all saying like, we can't help you with that. I was like, that stinks. Usually, 500 bucks will get you out of any ticket anywhere in the country. There's a new app that has sponsored our channel a couple times called Off the Record that refers people to that. That's like their whole business is helping people find the right local lawyer. Usually, Google is good, but sometimes they don't really advertise well.

local lawyer. And usually Google is good, but sometimes they don't really advertise well, because they're in any jurisdiction. There's some dude that plays golf with the judge on Thursdays and they get whatever they want. So later that afternoon, I get a phone call from a South Carolina area code. And he's like, I heard you got a ticket. I did. I did get a ticket. And he's like, does somebody refer me to you? He's like, yeah, yeah. He's like, who was the officer? I said, I won't say his name. He's like, ah, I think I know who that is because it's like initials. He's like, I think I know who it is. He was correct. He's like, for 500 bucks, I'll work on it for you. I think we'll figure something out. Great. Yes to that. And so he calls me back like an hour later. He goes, well, he knew why I was calling. He picked up the phone and said, Hey, you got my one 26 guy. Yeah. Yeah, I do. And he's like, what do you need?

And he wants it to be 14 over. And he goes, yeah. All right. Whatever. I don't care. He's like, yeah. And actually when they put it through, it was 11 over. I was like, is there a benevolence fund I need to donate to or send a cake to or an edible arrangement? He's like, no, no, I don't want that. Whatever. Give me a good Google review. As I searched for him, I found his Facebook profile. He was employed as the solicitor for that county.

Oh no, he's not. Which meant that it was up to him what I got. Because if you go to court and you can either have a trial or you can plead guilty or you can speak to the solicitor. And so I think he just figured it out or like rent and called me And was like hey can I have $500 And I was very happy to say absolutely yes He bamboozled you He accepted a bribe I think so

How about that Yeah so I got a good story out of it And he's still gainfully employed I feel like I spent too much time Settling for things. If I got a ticket, I might pay it. Yeah, don't pay that. Don't pay that ticket.

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You don't even want people who pay 99 cents for this dollar menu. Anyone who bought that at a dollar is assuming liability. You'll end up getting sued. That's right. If I pay you a quarter, I know you didn't get me fat. I got me fat. I'm not your problem anymore.

What's the negotiation you're most proud of? If you looked back, one that you're like, hell yeah, I've won a lot, that one. That's my whale. There's actually two. One is that roof that I was driving. I had been trying to buy that car. There's only three of them in the US. They're RT12Ss. That one was an 06. I think there's an 08 and an 09. I had seen it at a dealership in South Florida.

What color was it? It was matte black with a brown interior, which was really unique. It's a strange color combination to Florida. What color was it? It was matte black with a brown interior, which was really kind of unique. It's a strange color combination to have. What year was it? 06. I think I'm literally looking at it. Did it have red side view mirrors by chance?

It did at one point. They had been painted black when I got the car. It was an awesome car. It was probably 350 grand new. It had actually gone back to the factory for some updates at one point. I saw it. The guy was trying to trade it on an Aventador back in 2012. He had run into a snag because he was doing it at Lamborghini Palm Beach. kind of run into a snag because he was doing it at Lamborghini Palm Beach. And Lamborghini Palm Beach has had several different kind of regimes of management. And the general manager that came in didn't know what it was. And it looks like a Porsche 911 Turbo, but it has a different VIN.

And it was actually, since it was an 06, they didn't make Turbos that year. They made them in 05, they made them in 07. And so there wasn't even a nice Porsche comp. So he thought it was just like a $30,000 Carrera. And so the guy had had an agreement with the previous general manager to get $130,000 on trade if they didn't sell it beforehand as a consignment. And I kept asking him like, Hey, can I have it? But when he came in, he said, I'm not giving you $130,000. I don't care what you've got in writing. You can sue me over it. And of course, the guy did.

So he got caught up in a lawsuit for like three years. They sold his event at order to somebody else. And eventually, I guess they ended up settling with the next general manager. But the car just kind of disappeared into South Florida. I'm like, darn it, I lost it. And I always thought it was going to be really, really cool to own a roof car. Because back when Porsche wouldn't license to Gran Turismo, that was the car that looked like Porsche's that they used. And so that's where most people recognize roof.

They usually call it rough or something like that because it's R-U-F. And so I was just browsing. I quit working at the dealership because I just got tired of the hours in November of 15. And December, I obviously have a lot of time on my hands. I'm browsing Craigslist internationally. And I find a listing for a roof that's matte black over brown in upstate New York. And it literally didn't have anything other than a picture of the dials, the gauges.

And I call the guy and I'm like, you don't have this car, do you? He said, no, no, I know the owner and he wants me to sell it. He was a broker, which is scum of the exotic car earth. And I'm like, all right, well, I know this, this, this, and this. I talked to him all about the car. He said, well, I didn't know any of that junk. So I'm like, well, but I am a check rider. I will buy this car, but it already has enough of a stigma from sitting outside with matte paint, which deteriorates badly in South Florida. I need you to pull this ad down because I don't need you to add to it the stigma of being on Craigslist for too long. He didn't have a price on it. I'm like, I know that the previous dealer hit him at 75 grand for the car, which obviously didn't work out. I said, but now

it's set for three years. I know it's going to need more work. So I need to pay less than that. And he's like, that makes sense. It sure does. It sure does. And so I walk him through all the crazy worst case scenario things the thing could need and end up getting him to agree to 69 grand and agree to not ask for any other bids. And so he takes it to the owner and he agrees to take it. And I'm like, darn it. That was crazy. I mean, like I, the, the car was easily worth, you know, twice that. And so I, uh, I go down to Miami, I pick it up and drive it back. And the car was, So I go down to Miami, I pick it up and drive it back. And the car wasn't right.

Like when I drove it back from Miami, the car is supposed to go 228 miles an hour, which is not insignificant. And I got up to like 185 on the turnpike and it was not really accelerating anymore. I'm like, this thing doesn't have another 40 miles in it. I love picturing you going 185 miles an hour on just a road that people drive on. You're not terrified. You're just like, well, this isn't up to snuff. I was expecting to be going thrice the speed of people around me, not just two and a half times. I can still tell these cars I'm passing are moving. Exactly. And there was something wrong with the suspension. Roof had used a Moton hydraulic suspension and it was not stable at all. It had a great differential in it.

So if you were turning, it was great. But if you were going straight, the thing would just jump between lanes. And so it was, it was terrifying to drive. And I, uh, and so I ended up trying to sell it and got a couple of offers, but nobody could ever get financed or buy it. And so I ended up selling it to the former roof dealer in the U.S. for $154,000 about a year later. And so made a nice little hit. Best percentage-based flip that I've ever had. That's huge. Yeah, especially when you're unemployed and trying to launch a vehicle

history reporting app so it was great uh huge kind of godsend thing there i'm still bamboozled by the like shit you're peddling like you know what i'm gonna need you to take down this for sale ad because of the stigma that it might have is right that's not what you wanted no other bidders right exactly yeah i, there was no way anybody would ever find it. Is your last name like Capone? How are you doing this? That's right.

So what I'm going to ask you to do here is not offer it to anyone else and also give me a 75% discount. And who knows? Maybe those kneecaps stay right where they are. Exactly. I'm not asking for enough in life clearly probably not yeah i need to be afraid of you can't be afraid for me it's always like

there was a time when i was really afraid of like making some sort of social faux pas when negotiating and then i started thinking like i'm gonna see this motherfucker again i don't care if it's kind of karma-based, right? I don't believe in karma. The world's treated me well. I'm happy with the way things are. I'm just not supposed to, like, nickel and really twist the knife on the other people around me. No, no, no, no.

So I tip the guy I buy the car from, but I want the best deal I can get. Like, I always appreciated that. but i want the best deal i can get like i always appreciated that like if somebody whittled me down and what maybe even what i felt was like i ended up with a mini deal which for us was fucking 50 dollars you know it's just excruciating for four hours worth of work when i see my buddies over here making hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars maybe on a saturday and i've made 50 dollars and the day's halfway gone and the the guy tips me $150 at the end. I'm pretty happy. I'm like, oh, well, that guy gets it.

That guy knows what just happened to you. Are you allowed to do that in the midst of a deal? So let's say I'm buying a car from you, Kyle. And I'm like, and you just come straight out and you're like, hey, this is the price I can sell it at. I got to make this amount. Let's just say you got to get out of the office early that day. So you just give me the total bottom line.

I'm just saying. And then I was like, if you can go a little lower than that, I'll give you a $500 tip or whatever. Is that allowed? I feel like I would be defrauding my dealership if I did that. See, that's what I was asking. Is that fraud? Yeah, it absolutely is fraud. Okay.

Yeah. There was a guy at Gemellus Porsche that got in trouble. I think he'd taken like $2 million doing that. But the problem was that in order for the dealership to press charges, they would have to open up all the deals and essentially show all the people that had been hurt that they had been hurt. And a lot of them knew it because they paid them money or had, you know, had them done favors for him, but they'd also made a lot of money on a lot

of these cars and it was a really nasty thing so um he ended up really not getting much more than a slap on the wrist for it but yeah it's not good i never got a tip actually no i should say i got a i had a guy give me a watch once and i i told my boss i was like hey this guy give me a watch once, and I told my boss, I was like, hey, this guy gave me a watch. I tried to give it back. He truly would not take it. Do you want it or whatever? He's like, no, I don't care. But that guy called my boss the next week or so to tell him that he had trying to get me in trouble.

He loved getting people in trouble. What an interesting. Yeah. He came in. I had to give him a ride, or I gave his son a son a ride in an event at one point when they were fairly new. And there was a part of our test drive route on 400 South where you get off on a Marta, which is our public transit station. And I could,

if I started accelerating a little before it, like without any risk of, you know, police vulnerability, because there's nowhere for him to hide. I could go about 175 miles an hour and then stand on the ceramic brakes and really impress somebody that was potentially interested in buying the car. I knew his dad would buy the car if he was really interested. I ended up selling his dad three of them. It was great. However, the next day, my boss calls me

into his office. He's like, Ed, did you give so-and-so's kid a ride at 175 miles an hour in an event that that were yesterday? I said, that could have happened. Well, he's really, really upset. He called the owner of the store and asked him to fire you. I was like, he asked me to give him a fun ride in a car. What did he think that meant? Like pressing all the radio buttons at the same time?

And he's like, yeah, I mean, we don't really care, but maybe don't do that anymore. I said, sure, gotcha. And yeah, so real charmer, that guy. It was a decent watch. Yeah. Were a lot of the people who would come in, like I know probably all of them negotiate to some extent, but did you ever deal with someone who was so,

and this is just someone who doesn't work in that industry of exotic cars. I imagine some people come in and they're so inordinately wealthy that this doesn't even register to them as a big purchase. Would you have those people come in where you'd say, this is the sticker? And they'd be like, yeah, okay, whatever. Do it. Sometimes. I mean, most people, again, have that kind of badge of honor. And even if you can negotiate on the price, it's in your best interest not to, because people who pay you the most profit are always the happiest customers because they're buying based on the value they place on the car not based on the deal you give them i mean essentially no deal can be good enough to make you love a car you didn't want to love and so it's better to knock their heads off and make a lot of money and make

sure they actually like the car than it is to make a little bit and have them hate you for it next time. I haven't heard someone use that term in so long. I love that. Knock their heads off. Knock their heads off. So I just sold a paramotor, right? Maybe you can't buy paramotors. Sold it for $4,500, which is a good price.

I think that's $500 or maybe $750 less than I could have gotten for it. Sure. The buyer is active duty military. I think he's literally in Iraq right now. And he sent his wife over to come pick it up. And I set the price that low so that I wouldn't have to like. Paramotor, special forces. Yeah, yeah, right.

So that I wouldn't have to negotiate. And so that no one would ever feel like I had taken them. Because it's a small community and I don't want to be that guy. And now I'm like twisted up and stuff. Like Ed would have gotten seven grand for it. Maybe I'm being dumb throwing away money. Whereas I walked away thinking I gave a good deal

to a guy who could appreciate it. You got your small community thing though. This is a paramount clone by me. Active duty. I know you don't think much of That's not true. What do you call them scum i'm kidding i'm kidding um but but but you know i think you did a good thing there like like it's a little different like like i've

you know i i fuck some people over you know, like a lady came in and we sat down before she even got to go on the lot. And, you know, what are you looking for? Do you want? And she knew what kind of car. And I don't remember what it was, but let's just say she wanted a 2004 Corolla. So, like, you know, we've got three of them. And this one's a 2002. This one's a 2003.

And this is a 2004. And I pull all three of them up to the door. But before I do it, I change the prices on all of them. I make them all three more thousand dollars expensive. So we go out there and I'm like, you know what? This is this one. This is that one. This is, these are the differences. This is why they are, you know, they're about a thousand dollars more for each one. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm in a hurry today. If you want to buy a car today, cha-cha, cha-cha, cha-cha, $3,000 discount across the board. And she's just like,

holy shit, you're just going to rip three grand off? I was like, if we can do it right now, I got to get out of here. I got a plane to catch. And I'm not going anywhere. I got to go to the LA Swindlers Convention. But to his point like she was so happy with the deal she was getting and the quality of she thought she just gotten a great deal so she was very happy about everything she loved me this whole way through she's just like

this young man right here has it he is a treasure you know she's she's just tickled pink, and she's paid the sticker price. And we had a code built into our sticker prices where the last number in the price, let's say it's $19,991. It's going to be 991, 992, 993, or 994. And that last number is letting me know how much this car has been discounted. It probably came in, and we put like $5,000 profit on it, $4,000. And every time they discount the second number in the price, which is $1,000 off the price, they changed the last number too, to give the salesman an idea of how many times it's been discounted. I know we've got at least three grand on the front end of each one of these cars, three or four. So I'm doing pretty

fucking well already. So she's paying $3,000 to $4,000 profit on the front end, but she thinks she just got three grand taken off. Kind of put that lady together a little bit. And then there was another lady. You knocked her head off. I knocked her head off. Does knock your head off mean take advantage of someone? No, not take advantage.

Make a ton of profit. It means I did my job well that day seems to mean buff potato potato you know i'm not gonna judge i sold a lady a new focus one time and i got the sales sheet and i sat down and i started sometimes i'd get ahead of myself and i would just see what i could do because i feel like you can always ask forgiveness later. You can always say there was a mistake or, oh, well, that's not supposed to say that. Or, you know, they expect the price to be a little iffy. So I just blacked out what my manager wrote.

And I told her that it was an extra $2,000 as we sat down and she agreed to it. And it was a new focus. And I go back up there with a signature. My manager's like, did you just sell a Ford Focus at a premium? Did you just sell a Ford Focus for $2,000 over sticker price? I was like, I sold Permaplate too. Which is this bullshit fabric and Permaplate. Permaplate was a lie.

I was told we didn't even put it on the cars, but we would sell it for, I think, $695. And essentially, it's a warranty against stains and acid rain spots and bullshit like that. And I never saw anyone ever come in and be like, hey, I bought the permapod. Stain right here on my seat. Fix it.

Never happened once. But for $695, we would sell that stuff to you. And I had this whole kit on my desk where i'd stain a little swatch of uh fabric and i'd spray that some shit on just wipe it right off you know coffee or whatever usually coffee because we got the coffee maker right there i'd just pour the coffee on it like this has permaplate on it this doesn't and that would sell people for 700 of just extra gross so like like i sold for, I sold her so high over sticker that she couldn't even, they wouldn't even finance it at that.

Like she got into finance and they were like, the, the, the financial institution says, you know, this is too much for this car. Like, like she's going to owe so much more than this car is worth on day one.

Like they won't even do it. And I'm like, we'll find out exactly what they will do. And then I'm going to come in and be like, you know what? You're the 100th customer. Holy shit. This happens once a month, but $1,100 discount. And she's just like, oh, Mr. Kyle, I am so old.

My lucky day, new car, 100th customer. Oh, she was so happy. She was so happy. That was the same lady who told me she was like, it was nearing Christmas, and she had a kid with her. In this story, she's gone from Little House on the Prairie to Kimmy's Vietnamese mom. Oh, no, this is a little Spanish lady.

Oh, okay. Yeah, and little Spanish lady. Oh, okay. Yeah, and she had her little kid with her, and she said something along the lines of, but if I pay this much for the car, there can be no Christmas for the children. And I said, what's a better Christmas gift than a brand new car?

Looking at the kid. I was like, don't you want a new car? I know when I was a kid, if my mom had a Focus, it would make Christmas. Yeah. I was like, don't you want a new car? I know when I was a kid, if my mom had a Focus, it would make Christmas. Yeah. I was like, you know, we talked about that Ford safety sensing system, didn't we? It's going to weigh little Javier and make sure those airbags come out just the right speed. Don't forget.

You want to keep those little noggins. But mama, I wanted a super soaker this year. Shut up, Javier. I gave you candy Javier was sold though you know well that was one of my favorite moments is just couldn't do the managers face when I sold that and I did that also on like the most undesirable car of all time the oh it was the Ford CrossFit it was like a freestyle I think it. It was the 500 wagon, essentially.

It was on this Volvo chassis that was lumbering, and it was hideous. It was in this green color, too, like this pea green. Rare color. It was awful. It was awful. This British guy came in. Racing color with you. This British guy came in. Racing color with you.

This seems to compliment my teeth. I would always get real hyped up when I sold cars. I was drinking a lot of Red Bull. I would go to the gas station. I'd buy four Red Bulls. I'd take those giant 40-ounce cups. I'd dump them all in there.

I'd chug it down. I'd start my day. I wanted to be wired because I had this, the guy who trained me was like that. He was this very high energy black guy and he was loud and boisterous. And he's like, we're going to do a car deal today. It was a show and a dance. And I tried to emulate that as like a 19 year old white boy. And so I did.

And so I'm just. When this guy expressed interest in this disgusting car that we all hated and knew was going to be discontinued any moment, I was like, we better snatch this thing up, sir. You better snatch it up quick because this thing, this thing right here, especially in this color,

the lime vomit green color, it is desirable. I've had three calls today. I've had three calls today. I've had three calls today. I got appointments all weekend. We really need to get this thing wrapped up this week. And he's like, I guess I should head on over to the credit union and get to check forthwith. And he does.

And I was like, well, we need to work out a price before you can go get your credit union check, you know? And I did the same thing. I bumped the price $2,000, just scrib to work out a price before you can go get your credit union check, you know? And I did the same thing. I bumped the price $2,000, just scribbled it out and wrote it and sold a Ford disgusting, Ford's most disgusting car of all time, perhaps, at a premium. And I just remember my manager being like, you fucked up for this one. I would never do no shit like this to somebody. You fucked up for this one. I signed off on it. I signed off on it. I signed off on it.

But finance ain't going to do it. I'm like, he's got a credit union. He's like, oh, fuck. All right. All right. I'm signing off on it. My hands are washed. So, Ed, do you get fools like that?

You're selling exotic cars. I imagine you have clients with expertise coming in, no? Some do, yeah, sure. But for instance, you're talking about how much a bank will finance on a car. A lot of times, banks in general will finance about 110% of MSRP. And so they're planning on some taxes, maybe a little bit of negative equity, maybe some perma-st perma-stained junk, you know, put on there. And then they kind of know they're playing ball with the dealers. And as long as nobody tries to sell a car rather immediately, owing 110% of MSRP is a bad idea, but not something that, you know,

could not be overcome if they own the car two, three years and they come try to trade. However, if there is a gigantic rebate on the car, especially early on before they figure out that's a big liability they've got, it can be a massive problem. So we set the Cannonball record in October of 13. We got the McLaren franchise in about September. So we had just gotten them. And whenever you take on a new franchise, particularly as an exotic store, you agree to take on a ton of inventory that is unsellable. Like it has the wrong options. It's just the worst stuff. They usually have one or two cars. So it's not like it's a 500 wagon that nobody wants. I mean, they want the cars, but they

didn't want that one because it has like a stupid cost for some option that nobody cares about. So we had 21 2014 McLaren 12C Spiders in stock. And they'd already announced the replacement. And there was a $60,000 rebate on them, as I recall. How much are they? They're 300 grand. No. So I had about, no, it was a 40 grand rebate and maybe a little bit more if we needed it. It's kind of a flexible rebate, but it was at least 40. So I had 30 grand in markups. I had about $70,000 to $80,000 to discount these cars. And I could finance about 330.

So it was one of those things where as everybody was calling me, congratulating me, asking me out the record, talking about that, I was like, well, hey, what do you think you owe on whatever? And it didn't matter. Literally, I could bury at least $100,000 of negative equity on a car. And so if they wanted a different car, you could always do the deal. But of course, the cars weren't worth what I was selling them at. I mean, you had to try to sell them. And they were paying us a $6,000 flat to sell each of them. And I sold 20 out of the 21. And every one of the guys, you couldn't answer their phone calls anymore because they're so upside down.

You could never trade them because it was impossible. But yeah, made a lot of money that month. Do you ever sell used inventory? Tons, yeah, absolutely. About 70 or 80% used. You ever have customers come back and serious issues with the car and you know that like

you, I mean, it's not, you're not the dealer, but you sold them a car with some serious issues and feel bad about it. Yeah. But generally I could essentially at that point, I'm more on the customer side because I have to maintain the relationship. So I'm trying to convince the dealer to take care of it. And in most cases they would like, you know, bad reviews are expensive.

I mean, if you're in a Ford store, I don't care. Yeah. When I bought my, uh, when I bought my 300, like eight,

nine years ago, whatever it was like, I went and before I got the black one, I had a Navy blue one very briefly. I went in and I got it and I drove it off the lot to a friend's house because i was i had plans to hang out that day whatever summer it was and i get there i get out hang out with my friends for a couple hours taylor it's a used car yeah and i come back hop in it back out of their driveway and start to drive away and it like starts gassing and steaming and smoking immediately

and the car just will not run like it's just making a bunch of weird noises and i'm not car savvy enough to know so i just get out of it after it's like totally died and just have to call them be like hey you know that car i bought at noon today yeah there's gas that smoke and stuff pouring out of it this is fucking ridiculous i need i i don't i want a new car a different one of these at a discount and so i went back and got like the the v8 hemi version for a slightly cheaper price which has actually cost me a lot more money in the long run with gas yeah for sure oh sure. I sold a lady a convertible Mustang. One time I used one, and she was very happy. But then she's always calling me, like the roof leaks, and I'm just like, well, bring

it in and talk to the manager. I was like, I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry that it leaks. And it makes this awful noise on the highway. And I'm like, again, you're going to have to come in to talk to, come in and talk to Dimitri about that. Cause I like, that's not my area of expertise. He's the used car. It sounds like someone's kicking and screaming in the trunk.

She comes in and I'm like, Dimitri, uh, the lady with the Mustangs here, the one that the leaky sunroof and the one that makes the noise. And he comes over and she's like, yeah, whenever I get above 80 on the highway, it just makes this awful noise and he goes ma'am speed limit is 70 miles per hour stay below 70 you'll have no trouble he's got a good point i like to think that that doesn't fly at the McLaren dealership. Well, as carbon ceramic brakes have become standard equipment on so many cars, carbon ceramic brakes squeak really badly if you don't use them up to temperature. So if you just drive it like a normal car and not like a race car,

it can be extremely loud when you try to brake. And the only way to fix it is to go really fast and brake really hard. We would sell these guys these cars. A week later, they come in. Especially on Ferrari Californias for some reason because people buy them to drive them more like Mercedes or BMWs. They would bring them back in and say, oh, the brakes squeak so bad. I feel like I need them. Literally, every time they just throw me the keys and i would be like distract this dude for a little bit and i would go out and do our test drive lap and just run it up to 150 miles an hour and you can't stomp on the brakes you have to very aggressively and firmly apply them and you don't need to stop all the way but if you just break down to like 50

and then accelerate back up and then break hard down to 50. It'll scuff off the top of the pad and it'll work just fine. That sounds like a good time. Is it a good time or does that wear out? No, because you kind of like, at that point, like if you get pulled over going 150 miles an hour doing your standard procedure of doing it,

they didn't care. If you ask me to do that, that might be the coolest thing I do this month. But if you do it a lot, it's work, right? It's the job. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And I mean, we still had to sell cars

that were like in weird situations. Like we had one guy, McLarens, there's about a 100% chance that they will break in the first week that someone owns one. And we had a guy who complained enough that we ended up essentially creating a deal where he got a different new one. We didn't really lemon law the car, but it had enough issues that we just let him have another one. But he put like 300 miles on it, but the warranty was started. They call that being punched. And so it was kind of punched as a demo in inventory for a little while.

But I sold it to this guy who, for tax purposes, had to buy an untitled car. And I had been told by the general manager that did the deal to get the car back that it had not been titled. It was still absolutely a brand new car. But what had happened was they had titled it initially in another state. And he had made our title clerk contact that state on a daily basis, pull the title out, and essentially rip up the new title that was made so that it could stay new and he wouldn't have to sell it as a used car,

which is super illegal. I sell the car in good faith saying, look, I've been told by the person who did the deal that it is absolutely a new car. In his head, it was, but since that title was created and printed, not in 1948, but in 2014 or 15, it absolutely showed up. So this guy starts to find some issues with his car and he decides to pull a car fax on it. And it shows a title issued in another state at a lower mileage and he freaks out. And I tell him like, look, there's only two possible explanations for this. I said, the first is that we are the most dishonest people that have ever walked the earth. Ding, ding, ding.

I said, but the second option is we are absolute morons and don't know what we're doing. And I want to make sure that you understand before we talk any further that it is the second option and we don't have a clue. And so we ended up kind of essentially doing the same thing again, giving him another new car in exchange for that one.

But the title clerk was like, she came up to me during the deal and said, do whatever he wants because I am not testifying on this one. Okay. I am not taking the word of any car salesman after this discussion. I'm going to always assume the duplicitous angle, I think. I think Woody's on the same page. Well, you know, you get asked to do stuff

because you're kind of like the hired gun as the sales guy. You're beholden to your bosses to do what they tell you to. Like I mentioned before that my general manager crashed a car running through a stoplight that he didn't know was red.

Well, that wasn't a car we owned at the time. I was trying to sell a Nissan GTR to a repeat customer I'd done a ton of business with, was really nice guy. And he was trading a C63 Mercedes. And so generally, the sales manager or the general manager would take it for a ride around the block, especially if it's out of warranty, see if there's any lights on,

any misalignment or anything, just kind of look at the car to appraise it. So I'm in the process of talking to this guy and I see across the showroom, another one of my sales guys answers the phone and I just hear his side of the conversation. Obviously, he goes, oh no. He says, are you okay? I go, oh darn it. I was like, I tell this guy, give me a second. I'm going to walk in here. I saw him also beelining into

the sales manager's office that was going to tell us what to do. He says, all right, so-and-so just crashed the car. It is 100% totaled. He's going to be in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. So my sales manager could have said, all right, let's go tell this guy what's happened to his car. And we'll work out something that's very reasonable. We'll take full responsibility. That's not what he said. He goes, Ed, sell that car in the next five minutes before he wonders where his trade is. And I'm like, well, I mean,

this guy normally takes like three, four hours to negotiate a car deal. So I go, well, that sounds like a fun game to play. I'll go do it. And I did it. I talked him into it. And so finally he's like, all right, I'm going to go start getting some stuff out of my car. I was like, you know what? Nope. We're going to have a porter do that. Don't you worry about your old car. I'll get you played everything off of it. He's like, yeah. All right. Well, my golf clubs are in the truck. I'm like, you know what? Nope. We're going to have a porter do that. Don't you worry about your old car. I'll get you played everything off of it. He's like, yeah. All right. Well, my golf clubs are in the truck. I'm like, okay. All right. So we get out there. Trunk is like demolished. It's just like, you know what?

I think we're going to bring those to you tomorrow. I'm not sure they fit in the GTR's trunk. And he's like, okay. And finally, like it takes, you know, we, we eventually tell him that, you know, Hey, so-and-so crashed your car. He's fine. Everybody's fine ish. And you, you know we eventually tell him that uh you know hey so and so crashed your car he's fine everybody's fine ish and you uh you know it's yours and he was actually really worried that it was like gonna undo the deal at that point because he'd become very excited about his new car so it worked quite well like he stayed very happy with the against us. You guess. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, maybe we're not trustworthy people.

I keep thinking about, I am a sheep, a lamb in this world. You are a lemming. Yeah. Following the likes of Kyle and Ed off the price cliff. You're selling a product, right? You're selling a product. The sticker price is there. It's not like we're going above.

No, no. From a sales perspective, I've got a lot of respect for this. This is really intense stuff. But you always hear this stuff about car salesmen and the whole industry of car sales. And then to hear it firsthand, it's like, oh, wow. A lot of those aren't myths. It's mostly like the ever-used cars, though, unless the person's really dumb. Because used cars, they don't know what you took the car in on. You may have bamboozled the person who traded that car in. And so if you can double bamboozle, if you can bamboozle the guy who buys it,

then you could make a $12,000 profit. Maybe you gave the guy $6,000 less than what the trade-in was made and then you sell it for $6,000 more than it's worth and you can really go to town. I did that once with an excursion. When I took it down on trade, I was like, man, look at the gas prices out there.

And this was like 2005. Gas was maybe close to $4 a gallon in Atlanta. I was like, look at the gas prices. This thing, you got a V10 Excursion here. That's not even the desirable one. You know, just really downselling the thing. But then when I go to sell it, this is a premier vehicle. You got the V10.

All right. That's the good vehicle. You got the V10. All right? That's the good one. It's the biggest number. It's more V's than anything else. This is literally the largest SUV. It's the most V's you could get. This is literally the largest SUV ever made by a man. All right?

They're discontinued. That's how big they are. You can fit a smart car in the back hatch of this truck. These are so popular they're discontinuing them. And that was all true. This green Ford that I think you linked, Kyle.

That is horrific. Yeah, that's the one. The Griswolds would buy this thing. That looks like a very british car to drive for a ford though he loved it he loved it so much he came back and bought another car from me after that he was so pleased he brought his wife like like they loved me to death and i had a good sales pitch for that car like like just talking about the the volvo chassis and comparing ford to volvo for some reason as far as safety, just drawing a parallel

there. I've gone through my bullshit walk-around speech that I did on every single car that was identical on every single car. This one comes with the Kevlar belts. These fan belts are made out of Kevlar. The same stuff they make bulletproof.

They are all made out of Kevlar. You could probably tell people that the windows on their car are bulletproof. Right. How are they going to go test it? How are they going to know? If someone tries to shoot them while they're in there, problem solved. Ostensibly, because it's not bulletproof. Yep, exactly.

I just want to hear how badly I screwed up. All right. Last year, I bought a Ford F-150. It's a nice one. It's the platinum, right? So it's like the second highest level. Gangster. Say that again?

Gangster. Oh, yeah. Okay. So I don't know how much to pay for it. It's not my area of expertise. I don't know. So I pull up Edmunds, and it says what people are paying for it. And I'm like, all right. So this this is it i punch in all the items it says this number is what a good deal is and uh and they make it and then i get like two grand off of that because

there's like some rebates and stuff lamb dealing with wolves did okay somewhere in between yeah no i mean if you're below what because those are usually consumer reported values saying like this is what i was able to negotiate a lot of them actually do a tremendous amount of work in dollars that don't matter because they're going to own the car for forever uh so yeah i mean i would imagine you were within what was possible now you know there's always the rumors that it's best to buy at the end of the month and the quarter into that stuff. Like that is a hundred percent true. Like the deals that are available then can be a lot more aggressive because a lot of the money is conditional based on volume. So the rebates they can get are a lot more,

you know, have some sensitivity there. They're much more motivated and they will give you, they'll, they will lose money on a car. Like you hear, we're losing money on it. Like that's a hundred percent true. Like they are in that deal losing money. Now it's still a calculated business decision and you should assume as you most do, like there's something else in it for them, but that doesn't mean it's like right there, easy to get. Yeah. And they're not like in the truest sense, losing money. Like that's still turn but they're losing money on that individual car on that individual one but it's opening up more space on the lot for another car well what it's doing in our case a lot of times our managers had bonuses based on volume you know and like the gm is like uh we've sold 497 cars this month. At 500, I get $10,000.

Let's crank three out in the next two hours. Figure it out. Don't lose a deal. They'll lose a couple thousand dollars to sell a car. The manager that was there while I had the rental car company here in Atlanta

was paid on a net profit plan. All right. So whatever profit was reported at the end of the month, he got a percentage of that. And the vulnerability there is that as you inflate the profits by putting more money in the trades, because let's say he talks about an under allowance. All right? If the car is worth 10 grand and I show you eight, essentially I've made $2,000 because you didn't get all your car is worth. And if I put it on my books at what it's really worth at 10 grand, then I've got two more grand

to assign to this transaction. So he was overvaluing the trades. If it was worth 10, he was calling them worth 15. And these numbers, we're not talking about 10 or 15. We're talking about 180,000 versus 250,000. And so I came in and I would look through deals where they sold cars that I was then trying to trade in. And they would have lost $40,000 or $50,000 after they realized that in doing that he had stolen like two or three million bucks

from the store in inflated profits that weren't that real yeah that's pretty that's pretty shady that's criminal yeah it didn't work out well for him i wouldn't think so don't do that my manager was was a bit of a criminal himself he um he he had a he he had a different business before he went into car sales and it was very much an illegal one and uh but still sales am i getting the vibe right still sales i think i'm up to speed it was so fucked up because as his friends who had all taken the rap for him, this is like an episode of The Wire, as each of his friends would get out of prison for taking, they had all taken the rap, he would hire them as salesmen.

So like, there's Garrett over there. He doesn't sell a lot of cars, but he gets a lot of cheese deals. You know, it seems like anytime a rapper comes in and needs five dodges, even though we don't sell dodge here, five new dodges show up and Garrett gets to write those deals up and there's Greg over there. They make Greg a manager?

Already? Now Greg doesn't speak English. Right. He's got a lot of ambition. Greg is like, I was running the cook. He told me that much in private. Really? I was running the cook. He told me that. Really? Yeah.

He was like, I was running the cook. And Garrett over there, he was muscle. And I'm just like, what the fuck kind of place is this? I feel like I'm the only one around here who's just selling cars and that's all. That's why you were such a favorite. It's like, now, Kyle, that's the kind of guy you don't owe prison favors to. It was ridiculous. The treese is only here because he stopped me from getting raped in a shower. Yeah, that's literally the case.

Garrett had been in jail so long he'd become a black Muslim. He's over there with his Quran over there. Did he get to wear that cool-ass white sheet with the little helmet? No, he didn't take it down. he's over there with his Quran over there. Like, like, like I'm just like, did he get to wear that cool ass, like white sheet with the little helmet? Like, nah, he didn't take it.

That looks so comfortable. I'm so jealous of Saudi Arabians that they get to just go around. Like it was, it was still only like four years after nine 11. So everybody was a little sensitive about that sort of thing. We had those two Somalian guys. One of them's name was Moses, which is fine. You know, you can, you be Moses and in Atlanta and everybody will buy from you

Especially with that snappy African accent the others name was was Mohammed and Mohammed went by Mo Mo was a real friendly guy and and and he loved to joke about that shit He was like have you ever seen Black Hawk down down i'm like yeah yeah that was me with the rpg and i'm like today we are blowing up prices it is going to be so good you want to kill yourself we have declared jihad on chevrolet we have declared a jihad on high prices. We are slashing them. Jesus Christ. We are cutting the clit off of our profit margin.

We have ginny things. How do you top cutting the clit off the profit margin? I might be worried. Those guys were fucking ridiculous. That was definitely the case.

We all hated them. Because in one month, they had it in that they were going to make Garrett salesman of the month, which was a big deal. Is there money with that or prestige? Yeah. Mostly prestige, though.

You're less likely to be fired the next month. Oh, it was hard to get fired. I can go into that for a while, but it was hard. They would just quit because they're paying you commission against your hours. You would go in the bucket and you would owe them. They don't give a fuck if you sit at one of those desks. There's plenty of desks. Have a seat, young man. Go for it. But they didn't make Garrett Salesman of the Month. The fix was in. They were just feeding him, feeding him, feeding him.

Just in one day, six cars. It was that instance I mentioned a minute ago. Is Salesman of the Month just tied into sales, or is it like a judgment call? It's how many cars you got out. It's a volume. Yeah, so he's earned Salesman of the Month, except they're all cheese deals, the sales or is it like a judgment call? It's how many cars you got out. So, yeah. So he's earned salesman of the month,

except they're all cheese deals, which means they just like, he doesn't have to, they've been given to him. He's, he's filling out paperwork negotiated by management. He gets to do the paperwork and he gets the little bit of profit that gets assigned to them. But more importantly,

he gets the units, which is how you're evaluated. Yeah. And, and, and his commission is, is, is rising on each one.

So, you know, you might get like 20% commission if you sell one car, but by the time you get to 20, you might be getting 38% or 40% commission on these things. It works out really nicely if you can get out 20 fucking cars. It's hard to do that, though,

unless you're being fed. And so, like, Young Jeezy, the rapper, comes in, and he wanted five... There are a lot of these stories and he's i don't know any of them what did you say and i talked over you little hood you're very you're you're better off for not having to deal with him with young jesus well he came in um sounds like ed knows young jesus as well he's a little fella um yeah they're all funny. I have all of them. All of them. Young Jeezy and Buster Rhymes.

I could have beat the shit out of Young Jeezy with one arm tied behind my back at 19 years old, and he was a grown-ass man. Just a little punk dude. Oh, yeah. Anyway, he wanted five Chargers, I think. The Challenger wasn't a thing yet, so the Charger was like the cool Dodge, and I think he could get him with a big engine in him, maybe

a six liter or something like that. In any case, he wanted five of these things. One for each of his guys, and he wanted them all the same. They were... We lost him. He looks kind of tough and

badass. He may have bulked up in the last 15 years. Young Jeezy looks kind of tough and badass. I assume Jeezy... He may have bulked up in the last 15 years. Well, since 2004, things could have happened. And he's worth $15 million. Dude, you should... I'm going to link this guy. I hope this works for you.

You're good. You're good. He's saying that Young Jeezy has bulked up in the interim period of time. Dude, look at him. This guy looks like... He's gotten bigger. He would kick my ass, this guy. He didn't look like that.

He didn't look like that I promise you I'll take young Jeezy and I haven't even seen the photo I leaked it He could total a Lamborghini with the best of them I can tell you that much He's 5'9 Yeah that's what I thought 5'9 celebrity

Height is like 5'7 real person height He's a little guy I'm telling you he's a little dude. We were all taking note of his boys were large gentlemen though. Did they just look big next to him? No, they looked big next to a Durango.

Okay. They looked big because they were fucking big. I want five of these and we're a corporate store so we've got every make and model. He just calls the Dodge dealership and gets five of these things brought over and Garrett just doing the paperwork. And we hated this.

We hated this. And I can't think of his name, but it was the African guy who got the car stolen that time. He had the most cars. He maybe had 18. I maybe had 13 and Garrett had like, I don't know, 19 or something. It was like neck and neck. And so I was like, we're not going to have this dude. We're not going to have this Saturday's coming up. They're really going to have to feed him. Cause I'm splitting every car I do for the rest of the month with you. Because I can get my half unit.

My other buddy's like, me too. Let's fucking do this. They want to play dirty. We're playing dirty. And nobody's taking note of what we're doing. We just fill out the paperwork, put two names on it, and it goes in the system. So why is that good, right? You're getting half a unit instead of a whole unit.

Yeah, I'm losing money. Not just money, but even units, right? When you split a deal, do you both get a unit? We get half a unit. Yeah, I'm losing money. Not just money, but even units, right? When you split a deal, do you both get a unit? We'll get half a unit. So I don't know why... I think this is mostly spite-driven. This is spite. I don't see how it even makes the numbers bigger. Because when you sell a car, you only get half.

He gets.5 every time I sell a car. I'm going to sell his own car. Oh, wait! You're not doing it for you. You're just doing it to hook up your friend. He's not splitting with you, too. It's a reverse big score. I understand. I'm hooking him up with half

of everything I do. So is my buddy, Saul. So Saul and I are like, let's fucking do this. Let's fucking go hard in the paint here. And we each get out like six more cars or something in the last couple days. And six more cars go on to our buddy's record. And so CJ, it comes time to count up the cars and figure out who's the salesman of the month.

It's rolled over. We've got these big meetings in the morning. And there's 25 salesmen and four or five managers. And this is the meeting where money gets literally thrown in the air and wads of cash cash get tossed around not not like thousands of dollars but hundreds of dollars you get a 20 you get a 20 it'd be it'd be wads of ones a lot of the times you know just to get the crowd fired up to get you excited because it looks like a lot he's you know he's announcing bonuses for like x amount of units and and and you know all these all this time-based stuff and all these ways that... Is he doing like the Wolf of Wall Street

moonwalking across the stage getting everybody hyped up, pulling women's tits out? I mean, none of that, but he's getting us fired up and he's being mean to the people who are underperforming. He's shitting on some people,

he's pumping other people up, and he's throwing cashing. Like he's shitting on some people. He's pumping other people up and he's throwing cash money. And he's like, and who was salesman of the month last month? Let's see it. Let's see it. And you could tell like he thinks it's Garrett. And they're like,

Garrett with 19 cars. All right. Very nice. And I can't think of the other guy's name, but let's just call him Pete, even though he's from Africa. That was not his name. Bunte.

Yeah. Pete had 24! 24 out of Pete in August! That's here for Pete! And he's like, wait, what the fuck? Garrett! You didn't get the most out? What the fuck happened, Garrett? What the fuck happened? Man, you know, I don't...

I gave you 15! You only sold four cars on your own in 30 days? I love that he's shitting on number two in this situation. Yeah, well, it was like... He wouldn't have been a natural number two. I get it, I get it. That's why I love it.

The guy that gave away half his own deals, right? That flies. We're not worried about that. I still ended up with like 16 or something, giving away three cars or something like that. I had had a great month too. And Saul had had it. We were doing well.

And my buddy gave me some cash to make up for those deals afterwards. That wasn't agreed upon going in. They wasn't like, all right, you give me money and I give you cars. There was no deal like that. This isn't fraudulent. It wouldn't be fraudulent even if it were agreed upon because it's some sort of salesman's race and it's all like

just a gentleman's bet in most regards. Really. Afterwards, he was like, that was cool, guys. That was really cool. He took us out for drinks. Heave me a couple of our bucks. Is it fraudulent if a customer takes out a life insurance policy on you? Yeah. Only if they kill you.

You're right. Yeah. He didn't do that. A customer took out a life insurance policy on you? He sold life insurance. And he calls me one day. He goes, Ed, how healthy are you? And I said, uh, you know,

I didn't die yet today. And he said, uh, send somebody to take some blood. Yeah. You know, I guess you bought a lot of Lamborghinis. I'm, I'm in the yes part of our relationship right now. And he, uh, he, he bought a huge, like term life insurance or whole life insurance policy, the expensive kind. And he's like, I'll send you money every month to pay it. But I get enough of a bonus to make it worth. It was a lot. It was like $400 or $500 a month that he had to send me to pay the premiums for this thing that he had sold. That's awesome.

He got such a big bonus, it was worth it. I didn't have to do any medical tests. I literally thought it was the other way. He was like, you know what? This guy goes to 150 and hits the brake a lot. I'm going to roll the dice that one of these times the brakes don't work. It's like

betting at the casino. There was definitely a time when I wouldn't have been surprised if someone had made me that same offer. Like, I don't really know. I don't go to the doctor. Well, let's try it. But they said, I'm going to send someone to take blood. That's always

a big no-no for me. Really? Oh, yeah. I always turn that down. You know, whenever I asked for blood, unless it was a court order, I always say no. Your DNA is top secret? Or is it a needle thing? I don't give my blood out

to people who just want it for no... What do you mean? Can I have some of your blood, Taylor? No. Of course you can't. If you had said a magic word, I would have said yes. Is that word please?

May I please have some of your blood taylor of course i'll have a court just enough to sustain me for a bit longer a quart of blood can you imagine if i shipped you just a quart of blood an old milk container that wouldn't no i wouldn't do that that's that scenario that i told you guys a while back with the whole paternity thing where like someone just shows up to the guy and they're like hey i need your dna and he's and he's such a knucklehead that he's like okay and he like does the cheek swap thing for me they're like have a nice day and disappears and then they slap his brother with that paternity suit right you know don't give your i remember that you never know when you're gonna fucking one of

your family members up i'm still i'm on that page when it comes to no no like 23 and me like they'll they sell your genetic data to like pharmaceutical firms and things like that's a known thing they do and so like in the government yeah as if the government couldn't just requisition that at any point and get it well they need a court on it and so like i don't know what the fuck they're doing all the little plans but i don't want to be a part of it. Like, I don't want my DNA floating around. I've told you how to get around that, Taylor. Yeah, you just fake name, fake everything, right?

Fake name, fake everything. Then they've got DNA and a fake name. And you get the results back. You know what would be good? I'll put a Japanese name in to see if there's any bias. Because what if they run me through. And they're like. Hiroshi Nagasaki. Came back as almost entirely. Southern European with some northern European.

There's not even a lick of Japanese. Much less Asian. Like I would want to know if they would add some Asian in. Like a little bit of Japanese. I see it a little. Now that I look. Oh. Oh you tell me I'm not from Italy? Italy.

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It's a dangerous place. Not quite as dangerous as West Atlanta, but close. Close. Very close. You don't need the authority snoop on everything you do. VPN. I won't wait until Taylor gets back, but some of these news stories are wacky it's been an interesting week

I found this whole college scam thing that went down Operation Varsity Blues I think they're calling it to be really fascinating are you familiar with this Ed? no but I love it it was this massive scheme where a few famous people are involved in this thing they were basically

paying um this these uh college uh admissions officers and and and college um one of the guys was the rowing coach at stanford i think they were they were taking huge amounts of money to just get kids in and they were they were forging uh uh sat scores forging SAT scores. They were having ringers take the SATs on your behalf. Yeah. And they were having non-athletes sort of bypass the admissions process by having, for example, a Stanford rowing coach be like, you know what? Woody's got real potential here.

And slipping them in. And they were charging huge amounts of money. The lowest was $150,000. No. The lowest was $150,000. No. The lowest was $150,000. Which is small. This is why I love this. The average was $250,000 to $350,000.

And the largest was $4.5 million. So here's the thing. Now $4.5 million kind of invalidates my point. But I feel like they're doing a service by allowing the semi-rich to have the same kind of – there are things that money can't buy that money can buy. A different outcome in a legal system, for example. Admission to private events that you can't buy your way in. But you know what? Bill Gates will get there if he wants to.

Merit-based admissions to colleges, right? You can't buy that. But like – what's the guy? Jared Kushner? Is that the guy's name? Yeah, they donated actual money, though. $2.5 million to put, like, a building or something together. And then Jared did not have the academics or the SAT scores to get into Harvard, yet he went to Harvard.

So now they've taken this practice that was available to the super rich and made it available to the semi rich. What a ridiculous take. This is great. They've really lowered the bar. The semi rich are now getting their kids into Harvard, Berkeley, Stanford. How is this semi rich? They're all.

150 grand, Kyle. That's like. This isn't a scholarship. This is on top of tuition. Yeah, yeah yeah but tuition at these places is like 300 grand so now it's 450 you know what a little more that for an ivy league school uh whatever 70 70 grand a year now which is crazy 70 grand a year times four you can't calculate that but 150 grand is only a slightly it's what is it well it is it? It's about a 50% surcharge, which is less opposed.

So the semi-rich are now able to have the same kind of perks and privileges previously held only to the very rich. If the semi-rich have half a million dollars lying around to bribe their way into school, then I don't know what the mega-rich are. That's two and a half million. They paid nine times that. Yeah, the one guy paid four and a half million right they paid nine times that yeah the one guy paid four and a half million i i guess it would depend on the school he did not get a good deal he should have had maybe his kid was a real dumb dumb now some of the people who have been indicted in this thing are very interesting there's like 38 i want to say it's like 30 or 40 people who are indicted

in this and they say there are more to come and a couple of celebrities um i'm trying to pull the article up i hope i don't know yeah so felicity huffman and laura laurie uh laughlin so those names probably mean nothing to you um but if you ever watch full house you remember uh jesse uncle jesse's wife the hot one the hot one yeah she's in trouble because she's in. She was one of the people who paid one of the schools off to get her kid in. Yeah. Does anybody actually doubt that if you had donated half a million dollars to any of those schools, your kid would have gotten in? Ed, only you could get such a bargain price, half a million dollars for admission. Other people are paying two and a half million dollars, four million dollars to get in.

I don't know. Right, but if I called Stanford and I said I want the third to the left bathroom stall named the Ed Boleyn Stall and I'm willing to pay $500,000 for the privilege, I have 100% confidence that the son of the guy who got the third bathroom stall is going to get admission as a legacy or whatever. I mean, I think that's kind of standard practice. I think it costs more than that. And that these fine gentlemen... It costs Jared Kushner $2.5 million, right? See? The legal way. You know, and just buy a building or a wing or whatever. But $2.5 million, I'm with Ed. Of course you can get in for $2.5 million. For half a million previously,

this was just not available to the semi-rich. You had to be super rich. I really think – It's almost socialism. That's what I'm saying. This is an act of kindness to lower the bar and include the semi-rich into what used to be reserved for the super rich. When you say it that way, I'm sure Hope would love to go to Berkeley. Right?

Oh, when you say it that way, I'm sure Hope would love to go to Berkeley. Right? I feel like I could have altered the course of her life for the better by taking her from UNC and putting her in Harvard. Columbia, Berkeley. Yes, Stanford. NYU. Some are super prestigious and ultra liberal. Let's go hardcore.

NYU or Berkeley. She goes to Berkeley. She can get herself one of those bike locks. She's practically MAGA hat wearing at Berkeley. I don't know that they'd accept her. But yeah, no, for $150,000. In all seriousness, this could be a really good investment in your child's future. I think that you will alter their career potential by more than $150,000 with this investment. They're in a lot of trouble.

$150,000 was an outlier. It was the lowest of them all. $250,000. They'll make $250,000 more than they would have previously made over the course of their career with a Harvard degree. Yeah, maybe. But these people are in a lot of trouble. There's a huge FBI investigation that spanned both coasts and six states. With enough money, the legal

system is different for them. Why is it the problem? Racketeering charges. Are these the people that are the customers? No. I don't know what's going to happen to the customers. I'm sure they aren't racketeers

but the guy who was facilitating this sort of thing, he's already fled to racketeering, which sounds bad. It sounds like a mob thing. Organized crime. Yeah. But every time I learn more about the legal system. We're talking about the university thing. Woody's take is that this is small potatoes.

This is an act of kindness. This is an act of kindness. This is an act of kindness. Borderline socialism. Yeah. Quickly, because Taylor wasn't here, this is what the super rich have been doing for millions and millions

and now they've lowered the price through what I assume is automation or bots or who knows to people who have like a quarter million. This story? No, not the automation or bots.

Who isn't getting the money? I know. But this is things that like in the travel industry now we all have travel agents because we have a web browser they've they've lowered the price of of what used to be very expensive i mean this this habit people who don't think this has been happening at ivy league universities for generations now are retarded what's different is now it's more affordable. $150, $250. Kushner paid $2.5 million for this. Well, you're not going to get me to defend that asshole.

I don't mean to make it political. I'm just saying we've reduced the price. We've made it more accessible to the super common man. Not the common man. Let's not go overboard. But the super way. We've reduced the price. We've made it more accessible to the super common man. Not the common man. Let's not go overboard. But the super common. I'm sure it's student loan eligible. I mean, they got living insurance and stuff like that. I mean, there's

ways to make this happen. I think there's a Pell Grant for bribing your way into Harvard, right? There was a clip of the chick. Hope you don't go to jail scholarship. It might have been the daughter of that full house bitch that was getting railed by Jesse. We didn't describe it that way while you were in the bathroom. Not quite. That's how I remember things.

And her daughter had like a Twitter clip or something of being like, you know, I don't even care about school. I just want to party and do these things. And it's like, God, imagine wasting that much money for a chick who is going to either get terrible grades or, you know what, if what this really kind of shows is the whole Ivy League thing isn't what we're made to believe it is. It can't possibly be that hard to graduate with a degree from this place in most fields. If you're coming from a background like this,

you just take some bullshit like sociology or psychology or English lit or any other soft thing. And they'll just throw you right through. I would assume like, Oh, this person's already bought and paid for, you know, this is a for profit thing we're doing.

We're trying to add to our endowment or whatever the hell they're doing what would bernie sanders say about this bernie's go ahead taylor yeah i was trying to think of what he would even i i'm not entirely sure what i would say to this kyle i don't fucking know I know that for one thing, I would get... Does he have children? I don't know. If my children hadn't died of old age in the 80s, I would have paid

for them to go to this school for the cost of my third home. You know what would be the funniest outcome for the Bernie shit? Once again, I think we all know he's going would be the funniest outcome for the bernie shit is once again i think we all know he's gonna be the grassroots guy he's gonna have more support grassroots on the left than anybody like they may try and play it up like you know beto is getting a lot of people it's like now nobody's not in my tiny universe i don't we don't all agree bernie Bernie is. I'm not saying you're wrong. Show me a huge Beto rally and then show me a hundred more because Bernie has done that.

Like he's shown he pulls. And I disagree with a ton of stuff he's about. But even so, he's the pull. Like he's going to get the youth engaged, guaranteed. I don't know about the older Democrat. I don't know. I don't think a lot of the older Democrats are as comfortable with him.

But in my little sphere of world, we don't want to have our what is it? Segeditarian? What is a 70-year-old? Septuagenarian. Thank you. I knew you'd know. Thank you, Taylor. I don't want to have our septuagenarian against their

septuagenarian. I'm sure that was close. In 2020. I would much rather have someone from central casting. That could be Beto. That could be some lieutenant governor of... That sounds racist. I haven't heard of.

No, it's not racist. I just want them to... Central casting. White. 55 to 60. No, no. Obama was from central casting. Except for his name um i wish his name wasn't barack and i sure as fuck wish it didn't have hussein in the middle because they loved that one over on on fox news for years it would have been great if his name was eric obama totally normal like eric you know that originated that actually originated originated in Iran. You may not know. But if the Democratic candidate just looked like some 50-year-old handsome presidential dude, I think he'd do well standing next to Trump.

I bet he'd look fine doing it. It's just, I don't think, that's true, but I don't think anybody, like the Bernie supporters already got shafted and two birds thrown to them last time. Like if it happens again and Bernie shows the most grassroots support, which he will. I already take it to the bank. He will. Oh, yeah. And they shun him.

His supporters are going to be livid. They're not going to back someone who's already lost. I agree another grassroots person could come out, but you're not going to get people who are like, all right, he didn't win the first time, but now as he's more an underdog, but more people know about him. I don't think that helps him.

I think, I mean, the ideology. They did it in 2016. Maybe. I mean, Beto lost his big election if they're going to try and push him. I would just say that Hillary lost to Obama, and then they backed her. That's true. But to me, it's dumb, dumb reasoning, and I admit that, and I'm embracing it.

But I don't think he looks the part, and I think they want a guy who does, and we'll see where that comes from. I think that a lot of people remember that the head of the DNC had to resign because of what she did for Hillary. They remember that the host of the debates had to resign because she was giving the questions to Hillary ahead of time. They remember that stuff. It turned out Fox was doing that for Trump. They remember how the superdelegate system worked and how like, oh, voting starts tomorrow. By the way, Hillary already has 100 delegates. Wait, wait, what?

We haven't started the voting yet. Well, they don't care how you little citizens vote. They've already, that doesn't sound like democracy. You guys keep calling this guy a socialist and saying he doesn't believe in democracy. You've already cast the votes before anyone's went into a poll yet. That doesn't sound like democracy. So I think all of that is going to be still in people's – I mean it's in my mind, and I didn't give a shit what they did to Bernie. Right?

You know? He wasn't my guy, and I remember all that shit. And, you know, whether you like the guy or not, you don't want to see somebody get fucked and screwed out of what's supposed to be an American institution. You know, it's about who we are. You know, we're all proud to be in America. We're at least. Well, kind of. To me, that was the most refreshing part about the Trump election. I don't love him, but I love the idea that it was so clear that the institution was there to elect Hillary and it didn't happen.

And I just thought as an American who wants to believe that what I'm told is correct, that we do actually live in a democracy, that the political establishment doesn't necessarily always carry the day i remember so i agree with that i i trump is not my guy uh you're new to the show but people who watch all the time have heard me say this but like what was there like 50 millionaires that flew in in private jets and yachts off the coast of georgia kyle does this sound right jekyll island yeah and and they all like all got together and had a meeting on what they're going to do about this Trump thing. And he still won.

Whatever power brokers, puppeteers behind the scenes didn't get what they wanted. Like something out of House of Cards. And I'm happy that they don't get what... If they hated him, it made me like him. And so that, like Ed said, there's a little faith in the system that uh that someone came in there who wasn't supposed to because no part of me thought that he had a prayer oh yeah but oh i had a guy call me for an article exactly oh absolutely they i mean you could see the tone of all the newscasters shift but i had a guy call me for an article quote

i don't know halfway halfway through the campaign. And there was a broker in New York trying to sell one of Trump's former Lamborghinis. And he was like, what do you think it's worth or whatever? And I'm like, look, celebrity ownership of a 90s Diablo doesn't mean a darn thing. Most of them really were. However... That's not true. I fucked Stormy in this. This is a piece of history. Move over,

blue dress. But note, there has never been a Lamborghini owned by a president. Now, there have been, I believe, other presidential candidates that have been wealthy enough to own Lamborghinis in the past, but that will always be the case. You'd have to be such a moron to sell this car now because he could win. He still hasn't lost.

It was almost this little hope that it seemed so like we were on the railroad tracks towards Hillary and that's what was going to happen. The idea that we didn't get to the destination, I thought was like, wow. And you know, that if that, you know, the, the hope of that could happen, I guess made me think that the car could be more valuable. And obviously now it's worth at least, you know, four or five times the money. Yeah. That's crazy. I love that you viewed the presidential election through the resale value of a Diablo. That's the lens that he sees this thing in. That's it, that's it.

Even watching it that evening, that election, I remember talking to Woody, Kyle, and Chiz on Skype, and Chiz was saying deep into the election, holy fuck, dude, holy fuck, Trump is winning, Trump is going to win. And at first I was like, nah, you're lying dude, nah, nah. And then after like 15 minutes of that when he provided enough sources, I realized he was right, but I had so much satisfaction in seeing Chiz having to type out that Trump

was gonna win that I kept being like nah, no way dude Prove it again for me Prove it again It's like there's no way he could win Show me another source I was flipping back between like Fox and CNN and a couple ones and what's his fuck Jake Tapper on CNN was so flustered by it that he kept like accidentally saying we Referring to Hillary's campaign where he's like you know Trump's winning we're

really in Hillary's really in trouble right now we need to snap Hillary needs to snap out of this now if we can get 45% of the votes over here in Cook County and we get 80% I mean, if Hillary It was great. I was watching with my girlfriend. I had you guys on my laptop on Skype and I knew exactly what you were doing. You're like, show me another source. Show me another website where they word

that Trump is going to win, but differently. It just doesn't like to be wrong in an argument. He's fucking Cali just finding all these sources and linking them linking them linking them we were laughing we were just staring at the tv at the map and laughing at the ridiculousness that donald trump was going to be the president that this this joker you know was going to be was going to i didn't want him to win it hit

me kind of hard now i wasn't crying like the people at the party were but i was like i can't believe donald trump is now on the list with washington and jefferson and lincoln like he is on a a very short prestigious list and he'll forever be on it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's, it regardless of whether you like his ideology or the conservative stance on

anything, it's like, it is a weird thing to feel like he's part of your country's history. Like part of your reality show networks past is one thing, but like, I mean, goodness gracious, this guy.

And I, I don't know. It's a weird time to be an American for sure. It never stops being hilarious. It's my point. You'll just see a random clip of him where he's like, well, I read. I've heard a lot of terrible things about him. I don't even like the way they dress,

frankly. At this point, people are like, ah, terrible things about him. I don't even like the way they dress, frankly. And at this point, people are like, ah! You're just being Trump being Trump. Just recently, so a Boeing crashed. Is it Ethiopia? Does that sound right? Yeah, Ethiopia. Ethiopia. And Trump

talked to the CEO of Boeing, who assured him... We thought we were pedaling hard enough. Who assured him that 737s were safe. So Trump goes off and says, hey, I talked to the guy at Boeing. He says they're fine. Does that make you guys feel better? No.

Yeah. Before that. I fly to Mungombo, Ethiopian Airlines, and boy, are my arms tired. Before that, Trump tweeted or said, I forget which, that, you know, airplanes nowadays have gotten too complicated. And that's the problem here, that these aircraft are just confusing. I could tell by his quote that he had been in some sort of a defense meeting. And they were discussing fighter pilot based military craft versus like drones. And someone had explained to him because he wrote it.

And it just felt to me like he'd been influenced because he wrote something to something like when there's split second decisions, you want a pilot in the plane. And that's always been the thing about a drone based aircraft versus a pilot, like in dogfights and stuff, a human being is still better at making those split-second decisions. When you're going against another human, there could be trickery involved in the way they're flying. I don't know what modern air combat is like, but that's what they say on the military shows when they break down, like the F-22 versus the SU-35 or whatever the fuck it is. And it just felt like he was parroting something he'd heard in a meeting right after watching cnn and like mixing the two together and just tweeting that shit out dude that's the best thing he does

is like he'll learn something that most people know and then he'll like tweet out and be like lots of people don't even know this. Did you know we didn't even win the Vietnam War? It was actually, we lost pretty handily, actually. Yeah, came in second place. We won that war. We did win Korea.

In a way. Halfway. I don't know why they say we lost Vietnam. I mean, if you go by teammatch rules, then we won. If you go by domination, then not so much. We lost. We didn't hold more flags, so we lost in domination. We didn't lose both flags, though.

But we won in team deathmatch. Correct me if I'm wrong. Weren't we right on the cusp of victory in Vietnam if we had stayed and we had gone a full assault and then we decided to leave? No, the thing was they... No, I'm probably wrong. They wouldn't let them bomb the North. That was the real issue. They wouldn't let them bomb the North

where the bad guys were making the fucking decisions. Instead, they decided to put American boys in the jungle with jungle fighting people who are fighting for their homeland, who are willing to eat maggoty rice and live in a spider hole for the next two years if that's what it takes.

And you can't win that kind of war. Oh, with their punji pits? With their punji pits and all that shit. I watched a ton of stuff on YouTube. My favorite guy is this guy. They interview Vietnam vets. I may have told this story before, so forgive me, listeners, if I have, but this guy they interview vietnam vets and and i i may have told us this story before so forgive me listeners if i have but this guy's recounting his time in vietnam as a tunnel

rat they don't assign you to be a tunnel rat you got to volunteer and then they zoom in on his jacket and he's got a tunnel rat insignia and it's literally like a rat with a fucking gun the tunnel rat goes down into these bullshit little holes that the vietcong were hiding in with a pistol and a flashlight but you don't dare use that light you gotta feel you gotta feel and you can smell a gook they smell they smell like spice and sweat it's a it's real spicy. There's been a few times I'd come up on a gook and he'd get to drop on me. But he was so scared. I don't know what it was.

But I turned around and blasted him. Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. It was a thrill. How many men have you killed? 37. I got me 37. That's awful.

I don't want to be in a tunnel without enemies in it. Yeah, I want to be home with flat feet. Rats and spiders and scorpions and all this shit crawling all over him, and he's just crawling in the dark, listening and smelling the enemy. And he's like, what would you do when you killed them? I'd take an ear. I'd take an ear. And what would you do with those ears?

I had a little clip on my belt, and I'd put them on a ring, kind of like a keychain. And what would you do with those ears i had a little uh clip on my belt and i put them on a ring kind of like a key chain and what would you do with them i'd show them off you know let show people and what was people's reaction well some folks thought it was disgusting you know they thought you'd lost your humanity but some people thought it was kind of nice when you eat all the smarties off of a candy necklace and you put 17 left ears on there, you get some looks. He talked about they chop their heads off. They chop a gook's head off and you put it on a spack and then you put a card in its mouth. And nine times out of ten, you do that and they won't come back to that area.

They think it's some kind of magic. You know, it scares them when they see that. How would you cut their heads off i had me a machete that i had customized for head chopping and and where's that machete at now they took it away from me when i went through customs they took i still have it today that and the ears you know they said this is an accessory to war crimes. Oh my God. You can't have had 37 Vietnamese soldiers. And I said, well, then you better get on my checked bag situation.

My father-in-law used to tell stories like that. He fought in Korea. And the Koreans used to rob their camp all the time and infuriated him and they'd kill him when they did it but it happened to the turks i think it's the turks i'm not 100 sure and they would take their bodies and put them on a pike and just stack them out front and then they didn't rob the turks anymore and he's he would just campaigning for that, too.

He's like, we got to put the bodies on bikes. Clearly, that's the way to keep them away from us. And he's like, they just wouldn't do it. They wouldn't go with my ideas. He had great concepts in loss prevention. All right, everybody, stick with me. I've got a new idea to protect the border. You thought the wall was the great idea.

You build a wall like they do in 300 where it's just they get close and it's like, this is an entire wall made of rocks and make. He had this twisted up. I love that scene. He had this twisted up finger in the middle. I forget which one it was,

but like the joint, it didn't bend anymore and it was crooked. And he heard it in the war somehow. They fixed it like briefly. And then his commanding officers just had him stack rocks as physical therapy. This is like 1950s, like army physical therapy. And he just stack up rocks and make like a wall. And then they have him stack it up somewhere else.

And he was actually grateful for all the like physical therapy he did he's like now my hand works and i'm like not well like i can see it from here now it works he drops his coffee well he was a good man he was a good man but uh but yeah that was some of his war stories yeah yeah, yeah. If you guys want to find that, search like Tunnel Rat story on YouTube and you'll find that shit. And that guy is hard fucking core. He's sitting there talking about all that shit and they filmed it.

It looks like in the early 80s. He's still with it. He's maybe late 40s, early 50s or something like that. Every now and then the camera will pan over to all of his prescription medications that he's now on you know kind of like a knowing like where um we're afraid to mention zoom zoom zoom zoom all of this because he may have another machete somewhere you know those stories are crazy he was one of the few who was like hardcore about it like he what

there were a lot of guys interviewed and they felt bad about what they'd done. Understandably, right? Of course. He was not one of them. The enemies that he was facing were enemies. Some of these other guys were like, they'd send us to wipe out a whole village just to get body count. You don't know if they're good or they're bad. Some of them were definitely bad.

Some of them were probably good you know and i gotta live with that this guy is going down into an enemy tunnel you know he is facing off with like fuck the actual enemy whereas a lot of these other guys it seemed like you never knew if running into farmers or something yeah but the it's interesting the non-vets who are like you know i kind of like it here no one fucks with you you know just like this is I kind of like it here. No one fucks with you. This is my kind of place. All the rain you could want. I've been watching

this show called Preppers. It's called Doomsday Preppers. I had never really... I think I'd seen a couple clips on YouTube, but the other day I sat down and I thought, I'll watch one of these. Maybe it'll be it. I think I'd seen a couple clips on YouTube, but the other day I sat down and I thought, I'll watch one of these. Maybe it'll be funny.

I watched seven or eight of those in a row and it is the funniest fucking show because, first of all, every single one of these main... Prepping is an exclusively

white people thing, I've discovered. There is not a single non-white guy an ex prepping is an exclusively white people thing i've discovered there is not a single non-white guy on there prepping his his farm for the fucking apocalypse but another thing these guys are usually between a line where you're laughing at them for thinking they're prepared, or you're looking at them like, oh my God, if shit goes down, this guy is the Negan of the new world. Like that level of shit. And I watched a couple different episodes that made me laugh really hard. The best one is in South Carolina or Tennessee or Kentucky, somewhere in there.

There's a, maybe it was Georgia. Maybe there's a, a park called Deadwood. And it's like a reenactment of, you know, 18th century or 17th, or I'm sorry, 19th century kind of wild west shit where you can see cowboys do,

do fake shootouts with the Indians. And you can see the cannon go off and you can see, you can go into the old saloon in that ship. This is a real theme park you can go to. And it is interviewing the guy who owns this theme park.

And right from the beginning, he's like, yep. So my family, we've had this theme park for many years at this point, and it was just, hell, 10, 15 years ago. I thought, I got to start prepping. And I thought, where better than to use my own business here as the prepping town?

And so for the last 15 years, I've turned Deadwood into a post-apocalyptic fortress. Now, I'm not shitting you. Watch this. This guy who owns a theme park. He was walking around his restaurant. He's like, I got a little thing around here. You order nine cases of food for the park.

I take the 10th. I've got four years of dried food stored up in different places around here. I'll show you this one storehouse. I'm not showing you the rest. And then with the camera people. And then he'd walk around and be like, you see over here? We got a little putt-putt course. What you notice about that right there?

Nothing, right? But you stand right here. You crouch below this post and this wall. What do you have right there? here, you crouch below this post and this wall, what do you have right there? Field of sight over the entire area of approaching the

chain link fence we have. And so this right here, and you don't even know, this entire putt-putt course, reinforced concrete, bulletproof. You can hide behind anything on this course and you will be okay. And so I have someone right here on hole 7, someone right there on hole 4, the entire east wing of this area covered by fire. And so I have someone right here on hole seven, someone right there on hole four,

the entire east wing of this area covered by fire. And then he would go back and he's like, the big thing I wanted to get going was my defensive cannon. You know, it started out just being a cannon we had on site to shoot blanks to impress the comers. I realized soon after I can put BBs in there. I've tested it. Now, if I have this pointed to the southern end of my park, it covers an area of 14 yards by three yards high.

You know what that'll do to a man? Tear him right up, I'll tell you what. Tear him right up. And this guy, he was walking around his fucking theme park talking about how all the things he'd put in there. I don't know how, yeah, look up Deadwood theme park. I don't know how it's legal what he was doing because a lot of what he was admitting to

was just stealing money from a business to store it away. But I guess it is his business, so he can do whatever he wants. But it was so fucking, and the whole time he would say little fantasy things or he'd be like i've always loved the old west this is a pretty legit theme it's my i told you it's really legit he'd be like he'd be walking around in like the by the old general store or whatever and he'd be like and you know what i really think you know i love the old west it's been a favorite part of my life for years.

When it goes down, when the Meridian Midwest, when it goes down, I think life's going to return similar to the old West. And you know what? I think people are going to be happier for it in the long run. And it was clear he's just living out a fantasy that it will go back to the old west he even he didn't even prep in the way most of them do where they get high high tech things all of his like procurement of resources was 19th century old west means like he was a fuck he built and every one of these people calls their fort the alamo every single one of these people calls their fort the Alamo. Every single one of these people,

because the, the, the, the voiceover will be like, and Ted built this $3 million compound in South Texas. And he calls it the Alamo. And every episode that voice has to go and he calls it and he calls it and he calls it the Alamo.

Like they're all the Alamo. One of the guys spent, I think, $7 million building a castle. Like a full-on castle on a peak somewhere as a prep thing. And until this point, this was the first episode that changed the kind of candor of the show. It had been been all right we're going to follow three different people and then there's a score at the end that uh some expert preppers are like here's your score on water food shelters safe and evaluate their like escape plan and things like that when things go to and they have a uh a cause right i think it

will be an economic catastrophe i think it'll be a hurricane. And then they take that like possibility and what they would do about it and rate how well they'd handle that, their particular apocalypse. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So they'll be like this guy. I think his thing was an EMP where somebody detonating a nuke above the atmosphere, destroying all electronics or some such some such shit. And he like early in the episode he's like yeah well i've gotten really into building this castle i've spent i think about two million dollars on it so far and so i'm having my 10 kids up here today to uh you know i want to see who i want to sign this off to when i when i eventually die and this fucking cunt of a dude i hope there's a reality

show for his inheritance i he literally turned there's a reality show for his inheritance i he literally turned it into a reality show for his own inheritance where he had all 10 of his kids come in and he's sitting there like giving them solemn solemn advice where he's like you know i've decided i'm not leaving very much for anyone in my will all All the money I have is going into this castle is going into this fortress. And I need two of you. Cause he had two wives. Each had like four or five, six kids or something.

And he's like, I'm Mormonism. I'm taking one, someone from this wife and someone from this wife. And the two of you are going to be my, uh, my inheritors for this. And so this fucking asshole of a dude took his 10 children

and he made them compete for their inheritance. And so he would even come out. Please describe the competitions. And in theory, they're competing for their future survival. They are. Yeah, because not all of them

are getting access to the castle. And this is an enormous castle. It's way too big of a castle. It is an enormous castle. It's way too big of a castle. It's literally all stone. It's way too big. Yeah. And so he has all of them come out there. And he's like, now, my oldest son, he is the oldest, but I don't trust him with a firearm.

I think he's a little bit lazy. I don't care for some of his attitude. And so we'll see what he does today. And he showed a clip of his son trying to shoot the gun gun his son being like oh i've never done this before like being cutesy and then it cuts back to the dad where he's like i was not impressed not at all he's not going to deal with that like his other daughters would come out and this guy was trash talking his own children to the preppers camera crew now what we're talking about is this guy with 10 children built a fucking castle

and then brought them out there and in the middle of the prepper's episode dropped the bomb of like and now only two of you will have the rights to this castle and you have to compete to get it and he's this multi-millionaire maniac is it like a shooting competition okay they're doing shooting competitions they're doing like orchest orchestrated counter-assaults where he's standing in the back and he's like, Tim, Alan, rifles to the front, rifles to the front. Fire, back up. Alice, Susan, bows, bows.

And they're shooting bows and arrows at these dolls and things. This guy's fucking insane. He's fucking insane. But you know what he's not? He's shit-talking his own kids the whole way through on the private prepper's camera they'll like do something in front of him and he'll come out and be like yeah alice honestly not impressed not impressed one bit by by my third oldest daughter i thought she might have a better chance at this but there's no way she's getting a piece

of this pie but he's not poor no No, he's inordinate. He built a fucking castle. I've seen this show too. And it's usually people who are who really could use this money in a better way. A future that is more likely to happen.

If you really have like $1,500 and you want to prepare for the future, go to community college. That will improve your future, perhaps. The rates on IRAs were looking attractive. But this 90-inch gun on the front of the house, the trailer home, modular home as I like to call it, it's going to pay dividends. They're investing in

Connex boxes with enough armor to hold back a.22. Yeah, those are only $1,800 a pop. Yeah. It blows me away. And this future that they're preparing for, I always say this, is a fantasy. It's not a likely outcome. It's one that they'd rather live in that world exactly

the word is fantasy because they are fantasizing about this new world order where the currency they've chosen becomes primary and I married into a family of these people I don't know if I should be ashamed

to say it no you should talk about it if I should be ashamed to say it. No, you should talk about it fairly. I'll be happy to. I received as a marriage gift from the Latter-day Saints some beans and other things that did not make my last move, I'll confess. What box did we put the eight tons of beans in i threw all that out baby i'm gonna be honest i'm not worried about it you threw away our 3 000 pounds of beans but see in the world of you're you're more accepted if you've thought of something else to prep for because if you say all right we're fortified against this level of enemy and you come up with something like well what if they train the bears oh my goodness i've got to sharpen more sticks

and it's like it's this kind of crazy these kodaks are smarter than they let on that's it they can use absolutely and and yeah i mean i uh it's it's a thing i mean certainly not anything that i spend any time on but uh mormonism in you know metro atlanta is is quite prevalent and they love some prepping they love getting together and like, have you tuned your ham radio today? Well, no. But I literally, I drove up to one and I had a CB radio on my Mercedes for the cannonball, you know, to hear what truckers say about cops. And he's like, are you ready? And I'm like, oh, shit.

Is that the code? Are you ready? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. shit is that the code are you ready like that yeah oh yeah absolutely and but when when they heard you know when these guys hear the person featured in yours and yours the show you watch come in like you know about 15 years ago they're gonna go amateur dude this guy wasn't even ready for y2k he wasn't even thinking about it i was there i had two drops of bleach in the bathtub

we were gonna drink for days i mean it's that kind of thought process of like you didn't prepare because, I mean, my father-in-law was ready for Y2K and probably was a little bit disappointed on January 1st, 2000 saying, man, I thought Will Smith was going to be the end of it all. But, you know, it's like, it's not always the way it happens. I'm so proud of my family. You're totally right. My dad, he woke up the next day and he was like, everything good, huh?

All right. No attention was paid to Y2K. The Prepper thing is totally a fantasy on behalf of, well, not necessarily a fantasy because I won't say that something bad couldn't happen. If something shitty goes down, whether or not it's the E or some you know terrorist attack you're still gonna be happy you have four thousand pounds of beans in the cellar but you know there was there was one specifically that that jumped out to me as clearly someone fantasizing in this show where there was this

hick-ass country guy who had like his own team i think like the the seven day the seven day marauders or something and he was like building his own team around this farm and he actually was a really impressive setup but half the episode was talking to this guy who lived in a city a ways away and it was like and he's like yeah i'm going i'm trying to join ted's uh seven marauders it's going to be hard it's going to be tough it's going to be hard. It's going to be tough. It's going to be even harder because I, my wife and daughter really don't want to do it, but I've already sold our home and I've decided we're moving onto this guy's

compound. And so the whole way, like the wife and daughter are just not having it. He'll, he's like, this is pretty neat, huh? This is pretty cool.

And they'll like go to the daughter in a private interview and she's like i just i'm gonna miss all my friends and i don't want to go and it's sad and the wife's like i you know i i i know he's just doing this because he wants to take care of us but i don't i don't want to live on ted's survival farm it's it's not going to be good so my friend friend Eric, his YouTube channel is IraqVeteran8888, which is not Heil Hitler, Heil Hitler. It has a whole different meaning.

It's Hulk Hogan, Hulk Hogan. People make that mistake sometimes. 88 is code for Heil Hitler. It's not it. I promise you. He explained it to me one time. It has something to do with his army number or something like that. He was in the military. Very nice guy. Those aren't his politics one time. It had something to do with his army number or something like that. He was in the military.

Very nice guy. Those aren't his politics at all. Just clear that up right away. He was asked to do a TV show. I got asked to do a bunch of these silly TV shows. We always turn them down. It wasn't enough money. It was too much time.

It wasn't going to work. Well, I go into his store one day that he worked at. He doesn't work there now. He sort of moved on from that. But I'm like, Christian, is that you? And this guy, Christian, this producer who, who I had went to LA and hung out with, he had the hottest girlfriend I'd ever seen. I feel like she was part of his sales pitch. He tried to, he wanted to do a TV show with me at one time and it didn't work out because of the reasons I mentioned before. He's there and they're filming. And I'm like, ah, what's going on? You guys are doing a TV show, huh? Like, yeah, yeah. And I was very excited for Eric. I was like, oh,

this is, this would be real cool. You know, it'd be cool to see Eric in a TV show and see what they make of it and all that stuff. You never know how these things are going to turn out. He could be the next Sons of Guns without all the child molestation. And so the time comes when the show's been made and it's a prepping show he's him and his guys are going to people's houses and they're prepping for them they are the guys who do the the installation of the they're like hey we want to be prepared we want an underground layer that's prepared for this or that or we want a bulletproof safe room or whatever and they go do it you know and uh cool concept i thought prepping was real big at that time

and uh but they didn't know what it was going to be called you know that that was that was one of those decisions that was going to be left up to the production company and that's another reason why i never i was always iffy about these things there'd be little clauses like that oh you don't get to name the show or have any input oh and then we own your ip forever and any merchandise you ever sell we'll get 50 of that i said well shit why don't you get 50 of fucking my t-shirts like that's bullshit it'd be stuff like that so the time comes the show is available you know it's a and e or some shit i don't know true tv whatever and uh and kitty's like oh the show's out let's let's let's purchase it let's watch an episode of eric prepping and uh and And she's texting back and forth to Eric.

And she's like, what's it called? What's it called? And he's like, yeah, you know, we didn't have input, I guess. And, you know, no, no. But what's it called? What's it called? Prepper Hillbillies. And she's like, isn't there already a show called that?

And he's like, no, no, no, no. That's the Hillbilly preppers so they were trying to piggyback off some other marketing we look at this link we are the prepper hillbillies this is not they've i'm pretty sure they're photoshopped into this promotional image that's him on the left on On the Cher TV site you linked, it says that this show has one fan. Look, I'm not here to shit on Eric. The TV show went poorly, I think. But the main thing was the name.

Because I know that he did not want to be a Prepper Hillbilly. That is not what he wanted to be. And it was ridiculous. And I watched a few episodes of it i remember barry from his youtube channel yeah yeah he passed away all right i really like that guy nice guy nice guy um but but but yeah and i just remember being like isn't there already a no no you're thinking of uh the hillbilly preppers.

We are the prepper hillbillies. Not being confused. Well, if anybody needs a laugh, watch Preppers. Because it is hilarious. One of the guys spent like... He sunk like $3 million in his fortress which he named the Alamo.

Again. It was like 400 miles out of houston or something had these two big stone buildings connected by a path he had concrete water uh containers that he even tested because he was like i would i would buy plastic but i don't trust that it's gonna stand up to. And so he like made Molotov cocktails and hooked them at his own concrete water supply to show that it would work. He has his own well with the rights to the water there. And then it was showing like their intense thing, he and his partner and his partner, like accidentally shot a rifle inside the blind inside this blind. So it, you know, creates a lot of noise but both of them had ear protection on and this dude who spent millions and millions and millions of dollars

prepping for this got so upset and so broken by a firearm going off and creating that much noise that he was like openly weeping and freaking out and like, Oh, you, you even like the partner guy didn't own any of it. He was just this eccentric guy who knew a lot about explosives or something. And he's just sitting there talking. He was like, Oh, I can't even hear man.

I can't even hear you fucked up. I got, I gotta let you go. I gotta let you go. You done fucked up, man. You fucked up. And he's,

he's laying on the ground crying because the gun went off too close to him with ear protection on and it was like that moment where i'm like oh shit if anything does go down and this guy so much as stubs his toe then whatever alpha marauder shows up has a dope setup it's gonna be that guy is going to seize your land, beat the shit out of you, kill you, and then he'll be ecstatic that you decided to spring for the concrete waterhole.

Why was he so upset? I don't understand. Just that he heard a loud noise? No, accidentally discharging a firearm. No, no, it wasn't an accident. He was next to a guy who he knew was going to fire, but he had the barrel inside the blind where you're supposed to put it outside and it had a muzzle brake had a muzzle

brake on it which very loud does make it louder but the way he reacted to it was not at all i don't think i understand the blind i'm exposing myself it's a it's a metal stand they had that they were practicing sniping from. And so it wasn't a cloth line or something. It's like a shed with a big opening. Basically an elevated shed. And they were in there. And the one gentleman barely had a little bit of the muzzle brake inside of the blind and fired. And of course that makes a ton of noise.

Oh, so if the muzzle had just stuck outside the wall a little bit, then the noise would have gone outside mostly. Yeah, it would have been fine. It was an amateur mistake for that guy to make. But the way that this guy responded with openly weeping and calling the paramedics and things, it was like, oh my god, dude. You're not prepared. If that's rustling your jimmies, it's going to be a rough time in any sort of real scenario. Well, friends aren't that valuable in a post-Doomsday scenario.

That's true. You always want to go it alone. I deafened Scott one time. We were on top of this truck. This truck had a big platform built on top of it, and we're just driving through the wilderness in Texas looking for anything to kill. If we see a fox, he's dead. if we see a coyote he's dead we see you know the armadillo or a wild cat or a a mountain lion we're we're just gonna shoot whatever we see well maybe not but but you know we're lights are everywhere and we're just kind of hauling ass and there's a there what was it i think it was a coyote it was something something like that it was something that was like a oh that'll be a good one to get it was either coyote or

certainly wasn't a wildcat but that's what we wanted we wanted to get a mountain lion because like like there were mountain lions in the area but i figured that thing would hear us coming anyway i opened up on this coyote with a very loud like an ar-10 with a muzzle brake right next to scott's head you know and he he was a little deaf for for a day you know on the left side or whatever he was a little upset uh those things are fucking loud they're so fucking loud what was it exactly did you say already i think it was a coyote. No, no, no. Like AR-10. Do you think it was a coyote because you still missed? Yeah, yeah. I didn't get it.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I didn't get it. Yeah, yeah. We're bumping along and I just went, da-da-da-da, and then there was just dust. There was just a vague movement in the woods. So I fired. Those were the rules of engagement at that time

like that that's when it's a lot of fun and the coyote yelled stop please you said this is the slyest fox i've ever come across coyotes are a real problem in like metro atlanta like there's a lot of coyotes around here and they eat dogs and stuff like that. And apparently the only way to really fend against them is to have donkeys. But we, I was in a neighborhood and we had a coyote issue. And so they hired a firm that deals with coyotes in a humane way.

Thanks for calling asses are us. But they, somebody else did some research on them and they said they capture them in a humane way and they take them down onto South Georgia plantations, release them all in a fenced in area and let people pay to go out and shoot them. That's the business model. We take nuisance coyotes into a place where they

are just targets and that is the elimination strategy yeah that's the most fun way to hunt not not the shooting the animals that are in a pen like the being on top of a vehicle rolling through the wilderness of texas right if we pan up there we're gonna see cecil lion's head um no i wouldn't shoot a lion we always shot pigs like i always feel like wild pigs like nobody feels sorry for them like they're ugly and they're they're they ruin entire ecosystem invasive species it's not supposed to be there because it's crossed between like uh russian boars and uh these wild pigs and domestic pigs that create this like super piece of shit animal

that lives in urban, suburban type areas and just ruins everything that they come across. When I first heard they ruined everything, I thought they damaged the shrubbery. People worked hard on this landscaping. No, they ruined the water supply. They poop in the reservoirs. It's more trouble than i originally assumed so you can shoot these things foliage with with no mercy like like

like deer i i stopped hunting deer years ago because i felt sorry for them right you know like like posh i i quit first i quit with a rifle and then i had him with a bow for a few years and then i quit with the bow and it was like, I just don't want to kill him anymore. And but with the pigs, it's it's there's no rules of engagement like me and Richard Ryan and and Eric that I showed you before. And Eric's friend, Chad, we were all on the top of that, like a Ford Raptor wings dream truck. But on the top of it, it's got this big platform built above the bed. So our feet are on a steel platform that's about even with the roof of the truck and we're sitting in two by two seats with seat belts up there like

on this elevator and we buckle in because it's going to be a bumpy bumpy fucking ride you'll come out if you'll fall out of the vehicle if you don't because the driver doesn't give a fuck about scratches because he's worth a quarter billion dollars and and he's out to show us a good time so he's hauling ass through the ranch and we're and there's crazy bright lights like the brightest lights you've ever seen shining 360 degrees and when he sees wild pigs he chases after them at like whatever speed he needs to go over whatever he needs to go through through bushes through scrub brush through trees. And we're not up there with pea shooters. We're wearing

military gauge night vision goggles. And we've all got machine guns with silencers on them and infrared lasers that you can only see if you're wearing the night vision goggles. And we're just machine gunning whole

groups of pigs from up there you have to collect the pigs no you fucking leave them there what about if you like because you can hunt in the suburbs right you can go in subdivisions and just leave them lying we did that too that was a different trip we had that um we the local sheriff basically wrote um the guy that we were with this this permit that said by any means necessary within or without the city limits of Houston, Texas. So we'd go right into the suburbs where like the multimillion dollar houses are, where like the, some of the Texans football players houses were and shit like that. And we'd make sure our angles were safe so that, you know, there wasn't a house in the background,

of course, but we'd go right into neighborhoods with suppressed uh rifles and night vision goggles and lasers and shit and just just snipe them out of the truck did you get a vibe for what the neighbors are they like this is a little too much even for a texan or are they like we didn't see any people do you think they are like oh that's i'm kind of grateful the uh pig killers must have come by last night because there's a bunch of dead bodies around. You know, we didn't shoot them like in people's front yards necessarily. We were in the neighborhoods, but like there'd be like these a big patch of like grass that they were. They'd be at little fields around the houses and stuff like we weren't like actually shooting them in their front yard and leaving them lying. They just weren't hanging out by the fire hydrant and the white picket fence because that's how I'm picturing it.

No, no, it's Texas. there's just so much land there there's there's a there's a field even across most of those the street for most of those nice houses and stuff like that but like we didn't see any people there weren't there was no one there to like confront us or be like hey what are you guys doing because we started as soon as the sun went down just went all night you know just driving through there just shooting yeah i have a paramotor friend who is a he's in louisiana but he's also like he doesn't brag but he was a competitive shooter and and he uh seems to be like the guy that you want if you have a pig problem and that's just like he doesn't talk about it much because some people frown on it but i know that it's a thing that he does and he's i mean if god likes pigs he's fucked because

i think he's killed hundreds of them yeah uh the videos on youtube are great of the helicopter hog hunting like the guys who are really good at it like the guy especially the guys who use shotguns um because they can be really quick about it and and it's just dead dead dead dead dead dead dead just just taking out huge herds of pigs it's it's really cool now this guy's more of a like he i know that he uses lasers and night vision and stuff like that and then just yeah it takes out a bunch and uh oh and then the paramotor thing the there are people who are happy to let him launch and land in their fields because they're giving back a little bit

for the service he provides yeah i'm surprised he doesn't ever like fly in the paramotor and try to shoot him with from that because he can do that in texas uh he's in louisiana and i don't it just doesn't seem like the best way to do it you'd have a whole lot to deal with and you're moving and it'd be hard to pull off yeah what do we have here did you guys hear about uh so you remember last year where amber heard who is johnny depp's wife i guess came out and was like johnny depp is an abuser he's a domestic abuser he's horrible and it was trending on twitter and everybody was going in on johnny depp like i can't believe i liked this piece of shit. This guy's the worst. I hate him. And then it came out, uh,

I guess in the last couple of days, yeah, like a few days ago that she had lied about 100% of it. And she had been abusing him the whole time. Go to the second picture on that tweet with the fingers. See with the finger, I went, what happened is, uh, is, uh, according to these documents here, Go to the second picture on that tweet. With the fingers? And you can see with the finger. I went quickly by.

Where what happened is, according to these documents here, she threw a vodka bottle at him, which was one of the many things she threw at him on many such engagements is what the text says. And it shattered, cut part of his fucking finger off. A big part. And she had to surgically reattach it. And publicly she said that he did this

on his own in a like a fit of rage or something like that and so we can put amber heard down as our cunt of the week you know as a general rule of thumb whenever i hear some guy did something terrible but it's in the context of a divorce. I take that with a giant grain of salt. You know, it doesn't matter if it's pedophilia, wife beating, whatever.

If it's in the midst of a divorce proceeding, dude, people tell fibs in that situation. You just have to reserve judgment right now. Like that's so fucked up that Even someone like Johnny Depp, someone as powerful and as established as that, this can happen to them, and it'll go on for literally years,

and nobody cares. That's what you get for renouncing your US citizenship, Johnny. It's interesting that he... I'm guessing what he did was smart legally. Don't go running your mouth to the press and telling your side of the story and whatever. But in the court of public opinion he took a loss for a long time letting her be the only voice that's tough yeah yeah i guess in the long run it's okay because it really got kind of trending that it's not true that's fucking crazy he's still not okay like he's he's his fingers probably got permanent nerve it's disfigured yeah it's his true that's fucking crazy he's still not okay like he's he's his fingers probably got

permanent nerve it's disfigured yeah it's his fingers to fucking disfigure that that's a huge it looks like the nail is gone and like half of the tip of his finger is gone that's that's fucked he must have how does she do that like like like is he like it must have been against a wall and then the bottle hit it and i don't know i can't even imagine how that would happen with a thrown glass bottle but it clearly did so yeah so fuck this bitch we don't like her very hot though oh wait you're changing my mind taylor now be honest here you're a single man okay hear me out amber heard walks into the bar she can you can tell she's a little angry she's got a bottle of vodka in her hands all right she she throws it at the bartender,

and she sits down next to you and goes, you know, I wish I could just find a strong man who could tame me like a bronco. There aren't any real men left in this. Do you hit on ever her? Do you slide on in there next to her and see what you can make of the situation?

I hit her surprisingly in the face as hard as I can slide on in there next to her and see what you can make of the situation. I hit her surprisingly in the face as hard as I can to show her how strong I am. Pow! Right in the kitchen. All right, she's down. She's crawling. She's very discombobulated. All right, what's your next move?

I spit on her, steal her vodka, and say, you should not have done that to Johnny Depp. He was Captain Jack Sparrow, you whore. Big Pirates of the Caribbean fan, it turns out. Taylor is. He's the biggest Pirates of the Caribbean fan. Dude, she's really pretty. She's super hot. She's worth losing a finger over.

Dude, she's so pretty. Are you the guy who said you'd kill yourself if you lost more than three fingers? You didn't lose the whole thing. It's just a tip. You lost the tip. It's just a tip. I'll cut the tip of my finger off right now if I get to fuck Amber Heard for a month. Here's the thing.

You guys have heard me push back and be like, yes, Jennifer Lawrence is hot, but amongst other Hollywood hotties, I find her to be one of many. She's okay. Scarlett Johansson. That's one I think you might disagree.

I find her to... What's her real name? Did I get it close? Johansson? Scarlett Johansson. Okay. So I find her to be hot, but amongst the Hollywood sex symbols.

Have you seen the full nude videos of her? Obviously. We leave off. 360 degrees, big ass on that young lady. You know, I'm closer to Emma Watson, right? That's my version. That incredibly thin, shrill

feminista? I'm almost done. You like that? I bet she could talk down to me. Oh, yeah. I bet she'd be rude to flight attendants. Yeah, no, but that thinner thinner, like sort of sculpted. This woman.

Sculpted? I was talking about her face, really. This woman, too, is just like, she's super pretty. She's super pretty. She's like, if she was playing like some sort of Greek goddess or something, you'd be like, yeah, that's about right. Yeah, yeah. That is sort of like a yeah, that's about right. Yeah, yeah. That is sort of like a perfect-looking face on a woman.

She's beautiful. Amongst Hollywood beautiful people, she stands out. I hope she goes to a women's prison with a ton of Johnny Depp fans. You ever see Edward Scissorhands, bitch? No. So the question comes up, does that mean it's okay? I mean, obviously there's this redeeming value there. Like in the car world, we've had to deal with that lately with Jeremy Clarkson because he punched a dude in the face and lost his job.

Right, right. And essentially destroys the most valuable media presence of automotive personality that's ever existed. And so in reality, he was big enough to punch anybody he wanted in the face. Like, you know, from a business perspective. Yeah, he's on Amazon now, right? Let him do it. Yeah, but the Amazon show's not doing nearly as well as Top Gear did. And so the question is, can Amber Heard cut off people's fingers? Is she that hot? Like, Jeremy Clarkson can punch people in the face like really from they should have just said all right he might have said he's sorry i didn't hear it

but he's probably sorry let's just go on and make another car show but it turns out he can't do that his second show is not as big it didn't work out he got kicked off his network oh what will he do with his millions oh no but i think a big difference there is nobody knows who the fuck Amber Heard is outside of the context of Johnny Depp, whereas Jeremy Clarkson and Top Gear, maybe I'm wrong, but I think it was like, if you took in global viewership,

it was like the biggest show on Earth. Correct. It was really. Amber Heard was on Top Gear. I remember that. Absolutely. She's not the reason it got big. I'm just saying.

She didn't hurt any fingers as I recall in the appearance. I wish Jeremy Clarkson would have given her one too. Give her a good rogering. That's what I'd like to see. I usually know what these are. Fucking.

Give her a good rottering. Austin Powers style. I don't want to be too presumptive, but I'm betting she sucks at driving around that racetrack. I don't care. I think her career will probably not do as well.

I'm more interested in what we as normal earthlings would, would put up with to, to have Amber heard in our lives. And personally, I mean, I'd lose,

I'd lose that. I'd take that entry. You know, I mean, as long as we're not doing this every night, Amber. Okay. Let me heal up.

Okay. Let me heal up. Let me get, let me get healthy again. And if you want to go a few rounds, we can do that. I'm down to seven good fingers here. Now, what if all your fingers just lost the last, what is this called?

Digit? A digit is the whole thing. Like the nut? She gave you the old Sir Davos, Kyle. Oh, the Sir Davos. How much did he lose, two? He lost all of the final digits on his fourth finger.

I think you could do that one by one and have a nice relationship with her for years. Right? Sir Davos, slowly. No. I'm not into losing fingers over a period of time. Partial fingers! She's not a liquor bottle sniper. It's not like she's going to be hitting my finger every time.

I'll wear gloves after she takes the second one off shark gloves like you just got to get better than her throwing you home you you had a few here's the thing what did johnny? Exactly. Nobody likes it when you say, hey, so Chris Brown beat up Rihanna, but what did she say to him? Right. Nobody likes it when you say that. I think it's fair to ask, what did Johnny Depp do before she cut off his finger and smacked him in the face so hard it looks like a man hit him? I bet Johnny Depp's mouthy. I bet he's mouthy too.

Right? mouthy. I bet he's mouthy too. I bet he's a mouthy little self-entitled bitch. You're turning me. Maybe he deserved it. He's lucky she didn't take the hand.

Maybe he cheated on her. I bet he hurt her feelings before she cut his finger off. I bet he hurt her feelings before she cut his finger off. I bet he wasn't like, hey, honey, I bought you a new vacation home, and I cooked dinner for you. That's not how the conversation started. He was like, hey, bitch, are you still asleep? How many Nebutals did you have today?

Something like that, I'm sure. He came in hot. Yeah. He probably bought her a house across the street from the beach and we know that wasn't the real amber we know that wasn't the real amber right she did in fact have a bottle of vodka in her hands and as we all know under the influences of alcohol many things can be said said that you don't mean and you can't be responsible for your actions it shouldn't be drinking first Whoever among you hasn't

accidentally amputated a partial finger from your friends while drunk throwing a bottle, cast the first stone. Cast the first bottle. Yes, that's what I say. I do think that's how that goes. It is. That's what Jesus said. Or someone. I don't know. He definitely stepped out of line. I bet he cheated on her.

I bet he was sleeping around on her. Who would cheat on her? He would. He might have been making fun of her Top Gear lap time. It was atrocious. I knew it! I called it! I'm the one who said that. That was the reason. Hey, your Top Gear

lap time is pretty old. You fucking douchebag! Why do you sound like John Lennon I don't know Second slowest time in the car Was she even trying I don't know but it's noted on the

Top Gear website that she had an automatic In a car that was a stick So I don't know how they arranged that but It was the second slowest Time when it wasn't raining Geez To Fiona Bruce It was the second slowest time when it wasn't raining. Jeez. To Fiona Bruce.

If you're not cheating on me, may a crazy man murder me in 1980. You know, she is. Yoko Ono's the worst. Fuck Yoko Ono. She ruined that. What's the song? Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry. Yeah, yeah. It's the Bill uh chuck berry has the thing uh chuck berry and uh yeah yeah

she literally does that they're both the whole jamming chuck berry and john lennon and the whole band and they're jamming the fuck out and it's like it's it's like a perfect storm of amazing talent on that stage and yoko's over there in a tambourine she like gets a microphone that she shouldn't even have access to and starts doing that literally screeching like she's and chuck berry's like john you best get a hold of that bitch he doesn't say it but everybody's thinking it everybody's thinking it you know she after died, I want to say that there were some letters that he had written to his son. She would not give them to the son.

She made the son buy them. Yeah. Maybe even at auction. Like not even a personal transaction. I think she was like, no, I'm auctioning off those letters, John, your daddy wrote to you. Hopefully you're the highest bidder.

I wonder how much she's worth. Let's find out. She's worthless. Let's take some guesses. Let's take some guesses. She doesn't own the catalog because Michael Jackson bought that fucking catalog. Maybe she sold it. No, she didn't have access to it.

She was only like a quarter of the Beatles. Right. Then his kids got something, I'm sure. I'm going to say she's worth $8 million. I was going to say $7.5 million. Taylor? Ed? I'll take $8.1 million.

I'm going to go over. I'm going to say $12 million. The over wins it $600 million. Whoa! She's such a cunt for extracting more out of her son their son we were close oh my god because i can almost kind of get it if you have no marketable job skills you're trying to sell these things that for some reason you consider yours and you're like look i'm worth

six hundred thousand dollars i'm to live for 40 more years. I can't just go giving away some of my biggest assets. I can almost kind of get where she's coming from, right? Because what's Yoko's next moves? Working at 7-Eleven? But if she's worth $600 million and she's still being a cunt? What a monster of a human being. Are we able to watch a section of this?

I don't think so. It's like exactly the kind of bots catching okay it's fair it's fair enough youtube search chuck berry and chuck berry and john lennon and yoko oh no and and there's a whole bill burt like oh yeah when she starts doing the like stuff you see like it pans back to chuck berry and john lennon singing and you can see chuck berry's eye just go big and white where he's just like what the fuck is this dude letting this bitch get away with right now she's ruining our song oh and that's like it's a combo you can't have again you know like john lennon and Chuck Berry.

For sure. Even in the day, you knew that, like, they weren't going to do this all the time. I don't know. Not normal. What an awful human being. Just, just. I wish Amber Heard would throw a vodka bottle at Yoko Ono. Oh, that'd be nice.

That'd be a perfect storm. I got a couple of things here. Let me know what you think is interesting. There's the Chuck E. Cheese thing, which Chiz was real hot for. Essentially, the thing is that... Has anyone here ever been to Chuck E. Cheese? Maybe. Many times. I'm sure we're all familiar with the setup.

It's a children's pizza parlor with video games and shit. A big mouse mascot. I guess that what they've been doing is they bring the table, one of their enormous pizzas. Kids only eat like 30% of it. They take it in the back.

They take another one that somebody ate 70% of and they just stick them together and serve a whole new pizza made out of leftover pizza. It's kind of what you're always afraid of will happen to the breadsticks at Olive Garden. But, you know, nobody's leaving the breadsticks behind, so it's safe, right? That's actually part of the new green deal. Yes, absolutely.

It is part of the new green deal. When I was in New Jersey working for QAD, I had coworkers that would put green beans inside the bread on the down low so that if they ever reuse the bread, they'd get busted. Oh, that's hilarious. That's really smart. So yeah, what Chuck E. Cheese has been doing, and there's a few like pieces of evidence within this link here, is piecing back pizzas together from used pizzas off their tables at their restaurant. And I can't think of anything. Well, I can think of lots of things more disgusting, you know me. But this is pretty disgusting because, you know, you're taking your kids out for a fine Chuck E. Cheese dinner

and they're being served some other family's pizza. So Shane Dawson is the one that exposed this. I knew it was a big YouTuber. And he has some video proof that it's happened. Chuck E. Cheese says it's unequivocally false, that it doesn't happen. So I don't know where to take that. I don't want to think Shane Dawson completely faked the video. Maybe it doesn't happen in a widespread way and make them both right.

I don't know. I don't know i don't know you can see a picture there of uh of the pizzas that have been two different pizzas that have been reassembled one of them they didn't even try because it's half cheese half pepperoni i mean i know they do that that's a service they offer so i guess that's the deal but still it's it ain't even close it looks yeah you can even if you let's set aside, you can, even if you, let's set aside, well, actually, both of them. If you look at the half cheese, half pepperoni, you will see pepperoni sliced in half.

Even the pepperoni side has been reassembled. Do you see what I'm seeing? This is some deep dive stuff. Yeah, look at this pizza. Let me see if I can center it a little better for the viewers there we go if you see this like some of these pepperonis are sliced these pieces don't fit together properly this is a reassembled pizza look at this pepperoni sliced and the other half of it not being on the other slice we've got issues here. That's true.

This one. What has happened here? Why are there half pepperonis? Where's the match for this one, fellas? How are they still in business anyway? How hasn't David Buster put them under? They went out of business. The one in Athens is gone. David Buster is because Chuck E. Cheese targets an entirely different demographic.

Right. I'm not sure that they were vulnerable to this type of slander. I mean – Yeah, right. We hopefully don't have any six-year-old fans watching us call Johnny Depp's wife a cunt. Yeah. If anything, Chuck E. Cheese and Dave and Buster's are glad the other one exists because that further solidifies the niche they have in society. Right.

You can't go to us every day, so you've got to have other options. Exactly. I went to – maybe like six years ago, I went to a Chuck E. Cheese because I was like – So you were 21 at this point? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Happy birthday.

I was like, man want i want some i want i want some i want some chuck E. Cheese pizza because i just got it in my head i'm like man god that was such good pizza i want some chuck E. Cheese pizza and so i went in and was like i'll have uh i'll have a large pepperoni and that's all and She's like, okay, do you want tokens or anything? I'm like, oh no. It's just me here, so no thanks. I just went and sat down at a table by myself and waited for my pizza

and then walked it back to where I was. I only did that once because you feel like a fucking... It took to get your next passport renewal. You feel like a fucking creep. Yeah, there's nine-year-olds playing skee-ball around you. You're intentionally not looking around.

You're trying to look around and have memories. Like, oh, I remember fooling around in the ball pit and jumping around and holding my friend's heads under the balls and freaking them out. Oh, I remember playing the Jurassic Park game and the shaky ground and everything. But you're not allowed to look around as an adult alone at Chuck E. Cheese. You got to keep eyes on the table, wait for that pizza, then you leave. And then I found out that it was only that good in memory because I was seven. Right.

Yes, I saw where that was going. It's not bad pizza. Just don't put enough sauce on it. Oh, is that the problem? Not the low quality other ingredients. This Shane Dawson guy's got 21 million subscribers. Oh, is he new to you? He's old school and somehow...

He's been around a while. But he's still... He's managed to do whatever it takes to stay on top of the YouTube game. He's still getting views. 4.8 billion views. That's like half a year of Ryan Toys review content. Goodness gracious. Now, whose channel are we on?

Woody, this is your gaming channel? It was. I started as a guy that made gaming videos. Now the podcast is mostly what it is is that the primary content really on this yeah it has been for a couple years well this and like there's also like itunes and oh oh yeah yeah spotify on the channel wow shane dawson's still getting 100 million views a month good for for him. That's crazy. Yeah. Now, so when did, when you transitioned out of the gaming stuff, did you think about changing the channel name?

It's difficult. Like we've thought about stuff like that, but yeah, I don't know what the right thing to do. This show is pretty old. The show's pretty old. Woody's Gamer Tag is- 400 some odd episodes in. Yeah.

It's weekly. So you can do the math. And it's weekly. So yeah, it's been going on for a while about eight years seven years yeah wow and that's awesome yeah it was all we were always doing this alongside like all the stuff we normally did so like and and you know the the podcast used to be much more about video games you know like i don't think we've mentioned gaming at all tonight but it used to be sort of the cornerstone topic and then initially you know it was an hour and then an hour and a half and then two hours and then you know then we did a four-hour show one time and the fans loved it so

much became the new standard and now it's a four-hour show and we've done some long ones i think we've definitely done some five six seven hour ones uh that won't be the case this evening well now is there a is there a logic within the algorithm of any platform that says that four hours is appropriate no i think that four hours is just something that the fans really like it's also what a lot of like morning radio shows do like like that we sort of attempt to model ourselves after you know i a lot a lot of these guys do a four-hour uh radio show and and so we're kind of in that niche kind of similar to them in a lot of ways you know um you know we kind of do what we did tonight a lot you know we're like we really focused on you for maybe two and

a half three hours or something like that because you you're we've never spoken to you before and your stores if you sucked it would have been 30 minutes. Yeah, yeah. Then we generally sort of transition. And as soon as the guest is sort of, I don't know, tapped out, I guess, as far as like what the best stories they have. Not that you're tapped out because I've watched your videos. We could have stuck with you on that for a while. But then at some point we transition more into like, oh, Johnny Depp got his fingers slashed off

and Chuck E. Cheese is ripping their little kids off. Like pedophile jokes. That's not a joke. That's fascinating. So all the views pretty much that your channel is getting now are attributed to the most recent episode of this? A lot of them. I mean, I do have a pretty big library on the channel. I have like 3,000 videos all together.

So, if I were to guess, I haven't looked lately, I'd guess that like PKA is a half of it and my library is the other half that used to be. Well, PKA has a great long tail. Yeah, it does. People watch the old ones. Yeah. You'd think they would. Yeah, people will come around and watch this for quite

some time. Well, I mean, very little of it is like super time sensitive. I mean, it's commentary on an issue that'll some time. Well, I mean, very little of it is super time sensitive. I mean, it's commentary on an issue that'll be pertinent for, I guess, and hopefully the personality drives it to some extent. During the election season, I think a lot of it was too time sensitive. Because we really got kind of wrapped up in the Trump thing. We were putting a moment in history under glass. That's how I look at that.

Yeah, there might be a lesson to learn from that, though, getting really into the presidential election four years ago. Making it two-time sensitive. Yeah, but I think that Johnny Depp and arguing that he's the true jerk in this situation will last for years and years. The story, the poop bandit

story of the guy at my high school who wrote, ha ha ha, you'll never catch me in shit on bathroom walls. Timeless. That's evergreen, my friends. That's true. Yeah, absolutely. You might ought to tell it again. Probably

to lead in every episode just to make sure that you've always got your audience. I once did an intro that was about a 90 second rap song and people go back to listen to that every so often what's your most viewed pka it's uh like a uh algorithm anomaly a long time ago we used to do the show live on and um youtube really promoted videos based on interactions so with all the people watching and just like running through comments and writing even

nonsensical things we had like 70 000 comments 120 000 comments like really big numbers right so because of that we would be like trending on youtube's home page and stuff so i want to say it's probably 800 000 views ish that is one of the bigger and that back then we i think we might have only been on that back then the um the itunes portion wasn't as big now now i think we get more views outside of the channel than we do on the channel yeah well because it makes sense most people when i listen to a podcast even if a podcast has a video element i don't watch it like i prefer to just download it and like have it in my car and shit like that i like to we get that request every day like will you guys make then wiki car stories into a podcast and i i don't have the time to do it and i might burn through your content quickly

too you know yeah maybe i mean you only have so much life that you've lived you put four hours worth of car stories back to back what are you doing next week yeah no i i agree with that but you know a very small portion of the channel is really me telling car stories i do one a week and i think i could make that one every two or three weeks and still certainly retain our audience i mean i i have interesting guests each day but but it's, uh, and I turned down 100 requests a day. If I, if I would want to watch like segments of you in a car with a guest recording in the car, like if I had had a really successful,

uh, sitcom about nothing for decades. Exactly like that. Yeah. Accurate. I was laughing the other day thinking about instead of comedians in cars getting coffee it was comedians

in cars getting pussy trolling areas for prostitutes that's a better show Seinfeld pornography charities that haven't happened yet I mean that's really strong but yeah President Barron Trump in 2044, or whatever the fuck.

Well, see, like, I love comedians in cars getting coffee, not because it's, like, great content. I mean, occasionally they say something interesting, but it's so clearly, like, Jerry made Acura say yes to whatever before they agreed to do it. And they were like, all right, we will actually finance anything you want to do as long as

we can brand it. And he was like, all right, I want to borrow a really cool car and invite one of my friends that you don't have to care about to go and drink coffee and complain about how hard it is to be famous yeah and you and you can imagine the crickets at the conference room table when they were like do we already say yes to that and that's what it's becoming you know it's a lot of the episodes are great but sometimes it's just like really like that's what you thought like the world at large needed to hear about your life and i enjoy jerry seinfeld's content a lot you know there's some of those everybody loves seinfeld

yeah but some of those are swinging hard misses has he ever had i'm glad that you're with me on this i don't think seinfeld walks on water i think some of his stuff is a little like just there's no magic in it. Well, he just caught a tremendous amount of flack for selling a fake Porsche. Oh, what's this? I don't know this story. So Seinfeld is one of the biggest Porsche collectors on earth and keeps a massive collection of amazingly significant cars. significant cars. But see, the problem is as, as cars get older, verification of their, you know, validity, accuracy,

significance kind of becomes a little bit more ambiguous and a tremendous amount of it is tied to who owned it previously, because the expectation is that their guys are so good at picking out anything that's incorrect that will either not be incorrect or they'll be fixed. This is a John Voight's Porsche. Right, exactly. And so he sold a Porsche 356 that was not real.

It was a replica and it was passed off as being real and it was sold through an RM auction. So technically they should have vetted it, but they really didn't. And it wasn't legit. And it's just everybody who's ever bought a car from him is now checking to see if their car was also fake, because he's kind of this entity that fundamentally validates something. And I mean, there's a, I mean, a ton of Seinfeld comedy is timeless. It's brilliant. And maybe that was Jerry, maybe it was Larry David. I mean, you know. I mean, there's a lot of people that are responsible for the kitchen that put that stuff out.

But yeah, I mean, I haven't loved all of comedians in cars getting coffee by any stretch. Yeah, Larry David's a big part of the writing on that show, obviously. But the acting's huge, too. I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. I think if you watch Curb after you've seen Seinfeld, you can see the influence of Larry David and where that came from. Even timing.

It's clearly directing the series as well as acting in it, because the timing of the actors, and his personal timing is Jerry's, but his character is George. It's this interesting mismatchatch and then a lot of the quirky characters that exist in the seinfeld unit uh universe kind of have their counterparts

within the larry david universe the curb universe it's uh it's a really good show i like when he's bitching about like yeah but but whitefish and capers yeah for my sandwich like who's who's gonna want whitefish and capers yeah how about you give me does does you know steve mcqueen never come in here no because he's dead can i have steve mcqueen sandwich and he can have mine his whole rivalry with ted danson ted danson yeah all that shit you know when the black family comes and stay stays with him and they're called the blacks um the the whole thing and then that one guy just never leaves he just never leaves he's living in the pool house out there jb smooth i think one of my favorite episodes is um he loses

his yankee jersey at like the dry cleaners and they're like oh we must have given it to somebody else and and like they won't like make it right and he's driving down the street with that black guy in his car and he sees someone wearing a Yankees jersey. He's like, that's my jersey. He's like, that's your jersey, Larry. We better straighten this out. He goes over there. He's like,

and then the guy's like, you can't hear what they're saying, but he's taking the jersey off. There's your jersey, Larry. There you go. I hooked you up. He's like, great. Wait a minute. Is this large? It's the wrong size.

He just stole a man's jersey off his back. Oh, it's wonderful. What have you been watching lately? Anyone into something? I've been watching master chef junior master chef junior and that is gordon ramsay's show where 8 to 13 year olds compete

in high level cooking competitions please tell me another that gordon ramsay is a complete cunt to children all right so here yes and no it's curbed slightly. He's much softer. And you can't properly saute this. Are you fucking shitting me? That's basically it. He doesn't curse at them, but it's great. There's an edit where they mix in him talking from

his other shows to contestants with the children, so the children are just trying to cook. You fucking piece of shit you dirty animal what have you done you're picking that up off the floor off the floor he does that to that asian woman or whatever he's like holds two pieces of bread up from his like what are you an idiot sandwich what are you an idiot sandwich just hold the bread up against her face. So fucking funny. I love that dude. It's pretty

fucking... I found it. You want to watch this? It's like 30 seconds long. Is it? Oh, you didn't link it yet. I'm dying to understand what's going through your fucking mind. Pausing. Alright, hold on. I am ready. Yeah, I'm queued up at zero we'll all play at the same time one more i'm ready are you ready uh ed oh sure i started it oh queued up

at zero and ready set play i'm dying to understand what's going through your fucking mind this is fucking painful what's so fucking complicated you serve me shit like that take your jacket and fuck off the fuck are you doing it's the lamb sauce sending me that you should be ashamed your special has now become not very special you're pathetic penis what is that shit you fucking donkey come on i'm not sending that shit oh the fuck are you doing useless fucking pieces of shit But I was disappointed quite frankly I wanted to see his I like the one where he leaned in You couldn't see his mouth And he was like you're fucking awful

That was the only good one The rest of it was just him Not fitting the situation I thought it was funny seeing a kid cry Your special's not too special now, is it? And they're grading so hard. I actually found what you wanted, I think. If you want to watch this one.

Yeah, let's get one more in there. This one literally, this one appears to have him reacting. I'm cute at zero on this. I'm ready. One moment, please. Ready, set, play. No God.

Next time on MasterChef Junior. I'll give you a little insight if it doesn't work. The restaurant closes, your sister divorces, and then you pick up the pieces. Where the fuck are you going to work? Who's going to employ you? You stuck up precious little bits. You've never seen this before. Every fucking fridge is full of fresh stuff and old stuff.

Unfortunately, the old stuff's came to the fresh stuff. And those poor fuckers out there are eating this. You shouldn't be fucking anywhere near food. This is well done. Just show a little bit of passion to why the fuck you're a chef. Do you understand? Or I'll pay for your flight to fuck off back to Australia. And tonight prove one thing. You know a chef. Do you understand? I'll pay for your flight to fuck off back to Australia and tonight prove one thing

You know fuck all Where's the war in your faces if you're my brigade, oh you fired you fucking 16 years ago I'm trying to understand what's going through your fucking mind. This is fucking crazy. The other one over the end of it. That was magic. That's what I was looking for. Yeah, that was better. But the show's good.

It's these little fucking kids trying to cook high-end shit and I guess it's the mean part of me, but sometimes they cry and I love it. I love it's the mean part of me, but sometimes they cry and I love it. I love it when they fucking cry. Sometimes there's so little that they can't physically do

a challenge. They're getting what's that shellfish? Crab, lobster. It looks like a clam, but oyster. Muscle. Fuck this. Cockcle. Muscle.

Fuck this. What is he? Cockle. Horseshoe crab. Oysters, clams, and cockles? It's none of those things. In any case, they've got to open the shell to get this shellfish out. And the little fucker's eight years old, and he's crying. He's trying to twist the knife like Gordon did, and pop this thing open, and Gordon has to come over.

It's okay, little man. Here you go. And he starts ripping it apart for him, and he opens like five of them he's like now you can do the rest he's like really nice to the kids but the kids just like or the kids will drop a whole tray of cupcakes or some and just start bawling their eyes out they'll get like he'll make them do full kitchen services for like a cult like 50 people and like the eight-year-olds always get tuckered out because they're eight yeah eight-year-olds always get tuckered out because they're eight eight-year-old is like he's over there crying they're like what's wrong tommy and they and they interview the other contestant he's like i looked at tommy this kid's nine you know i looked

at tommy and and he all the the color went out of his face and he looked real tired and i was worried about tom and you look at and then they cut the time and sure enough He's pale as a ghost He's like can he's got a lisp. He's like talking come I go have a nap now One kid dumps a fucking thing of boiling oil on on Gordon's foot and he jumps up and down. He acts like it's okay. It's okay. Alright, just put another one in. Put another one in. It's okay. It's a lot of fun though.

It sounds lovely. I have not found a good comedy lately. Billions comes back on this weekend. I don't watch that. Billions is good. I've been watching The Good Place. Oh, it's wonderful.

But it's not current. New It's Always Sunny is not very good, frankly. Same with South Park. Taylor's rough on shows. And Taylor is Gordon Ramsay of comedy specials. Heaven forbid you lose a step.

You know, second special just sucked dick compared to the first one. This guy's career is over. No, he's lost it. That's so funny. Do you have like a go-to insultto like insult like oh you are so modern family season six and a half i don't know if he does usually i'd be like you are sir this this steak is so bad you are a convicted rapist something horrible i can't imagine anything worse than

calling someone on tv a convicted rape. This Wellington makes me think you fucked people without their consent. You've raped them worse than you have this dish. All right. What I love is that you didn't get quite the response you wanted out of that line, but you went three times into it. And it was just like, all right, now we got to get there. I got to get there.

That's the mark. You know, when you're not funny, you forge your head until you hit something. The Michael Jackson of culinary talent. We didn't really talk about it. Meaning you can use very young cuts of meat. We didn't really talk. We talked about it on pkn but but i gotta say if if you guys out there have not seen the michael jackson documentary thing that um leaving

never neverland really should watch it i i'm split on it like i'm still like 50 50 uh because like those kids those men who are now saying that he raped them they testified twice that he didn't once is like eight year olds or some shit and once is like 21 22 year old men you know in court under oath they said that he didn't and now is like 35 year old men they're like oh yeah he did it he did all and they list all the horrible things that he supposedly did and he is a weird motherfucker i've talked about that plenty about you know He definitely did share his bedroom with lots of little boys. But maybe this is just like a weird adult who didn't have a childhood. And these are his playmates and shit.

But maybe he was fucking them. I just don't know. But I think that it's a little weird that they're pulling all Michael's songs off the radio or something. Like this is the first time somebody said some shit. They knew what they were getting into. first time somebody said some shit they knew what they were getting into we decided that we were okay with his pedophilia a long time ago why are we relitigating this look look is that your argument show me a video evidence of him raping a baby to death i'm still gonna have to watch i'm still that's not gonna make billy jean any less of a hit. That's not going to make a fucking thriller any less of a hit.

The man could dance. The man could sing. How many kids would have to get molested until you're like, I don't care for this song anymore? Well, look. We're talking about past molestations, right? Stuff he did. If he was out there running around now fucking kids,

I'd be like, lock him up. Get him. If he molested 40 kids as he was like in between takes of billy jean how would you feel about that didn't molest that boy Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. I mean, I don't know. I'm 50-50 on whether he was a really fucking weird guy who just happened to be one of the most talented entertainers of all time. Oh, you mean the guy with the train in his backyard and the permanent fixture bounce houses?

He owned a candy store. You know? Do you think that is an argument against what i'm saying that was before the show you were saying who was it like i like bitches i have things that oh that's the cat williams cat williams that bit where he's like you know i like bitches so you come to my house you find a lot of things they like go to michael's house what kind of things does he have there who likes those those things? Who likes a train in your backyard? Who likes bounce houses?

Who likes stuffed animals? And it makes a lot of sense, dude. That was a big bit back in the day. Again, I'm 50-50 on it. I can't be convinced. These guys are saying this after the man is dead, and they never said it while he was alive. But other people said similar

things but then when you look into what the other people's deal was they have audio recordings of those kids parents conspiring against michael like oh we're gonna get him for this much money he's got so much he'll have to settle with us like talking about how they're gonna like conspire to go after him there's a lot of shit like that and look I can see that there is a Ghoul over there in the defense box I see the ghoul Okay the ghoul who owns A candy store and a toy train Store and he's literally built

Himself a Peter Pan Fantasy land called Neverland That he trucks children across the world to And he's always holding hands with little boys And he's sleeping in the same bed with them I see all that shit but I hadn't seen him Put his dick in one yet alright and across the world too. And he's always holding hands with little boys and he's sleeping in the same bed with them. I see all that shit. But I hadn't seen him put his dick in one yet.

All right? And until I see that, I can't be definitive about this shit. It's the problem with sexual assault. You know, there's rarely that kind of evidence. That's right. Unless you're R. Kelly. You have to be R. Kelly stupid to be like, yeah, bitch.

He beat that rat somehow. I'm committing like eight felonies right now. Play. Like, you have to be an illiterate child rapist to get to that level. The worst kind. The worst kind. Like, he's, it's so, R. Kelly's the worst, I think. R. Kelly, like, he, you know, my mom was over the other day,

and she was like, he peed on those little girls. And I was like, they couldn't move? Like, you know, holding that. I was like, I've never seen that video, because technically that video was child pornography, and anybody who has seen it is a committed crime. But I'm told that in that video, she's like, hit me with it. Hypothetically, is video, she's like, hit me with it. Ah,

hypothetically, is that what it's like? Does she seem to be enthusiastic about it? That's what I'm told that. Yeah. She's like, yeah, pee in my mouth are making it happen.

There was an actual video of that. I thought it was a rumor. I knew it. That's a little bit before your time. Cause when I was in high school, it blew up and like everybody was talking about it and knew about it. And yeah, Dave Chappelle did a couple bits on it, actually. It was one of his ten poll topics.

Making fun of Mark Kelly. Dave Chappelle to take it to the next level. There's a big part of your life that I suppose, with any amount of public awareness, you have to be above some reproach that you're not holding hands with children in public. It's not widely known

that you share a bedroom. I mean, there's risk factors that are quite easy to mitigate that obviously they chose not to. And yeah, I mean, I think it's some assumptions are safe assumptions. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Well, That's probably a show. We really appreciate you coming on. Loved your stories. If you want to go check out Ed's channel, there's going to be a link down in the description. He does a lot of interesting stuff. Not only does he tell his wonderful stories,

but he shows off some badass cars. It's a lot of fun over there. And check out his app, of course. It's like a crowdsourced Carfax type thing. I think it'll help you out a lot if you're in that market. VIN wiki. Yeah. Anything you'd like to say, Ed?

Anything you'd like to make sure people check out or look at? Just any parting words. I appreciate you all having me. I had a lot of fun. And you're certainly an interesting bunch. Big called worse. All right. PKA 430.