Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #432

Episode Date: April 5, 2019

On this week's PKA, guestless show this week, haven't had one of those in a while so the guys cut loose. Woody shares a bloody awful video of someone parachuting around with the wing attached by skin hooks into their back, just awful. Kyle shares a father-son degen duo who poach a hibernating bear in her den & the punishment they received for doing just that and Taylor shares a dippity dippity dump tale that his brother shared with him.

painkiller already just the boys this time episode 432 kyle a couple of sponsors tonight get quip smart mouth blue chew and robin hood we'll talk about those uh those guys later on talk about blue chew for 18 minutes straight oh at least i'm down look boys i am down here we go i kicked him off i'm so sorry everybody i'm down to my last blue chew Luckily I was alerted today Via email As they want to do New shipment on the way

This is half my fault Oh they love it This will become the dick pill cast If they start chatting up Having problems with it I won't stand for it My cock will though Because of blue chew

I picked my stand for it. My cock will, though, because of blue cheese. I picked my nose with it. It's a very long, narrow penis. What are your dimensions? Well, I'm 24 inches long and 3 inches in diameter. Yes. He'll picture nine chapsticks next to each other. Well, have you ever seen a nerd rope? I don't know what that is. Remember in school when you take all the highlighters off the board

wait highlighter's not thin that would be like the funniest fucking thing a dude who's like always bragging he's like dude my dick's 13 inches long 13 inches long and then it's like, dude, my dick's 13 inches long. 13 inches long. And then it's like a soda cap. A brand new pencil. Oh, man. That would suck. That'd be almost worse than having a regular small dick. Because then you'd be trying to hide your weird nerd rope dick. If you have a weird little penis, you have only one choice in life.

And that's to become a small penis humiliation fetishist you have to make this your you have to make your it's your only option people it's your only option what you have to do is you have to turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength okay you have to you have to come out loud and proud and be like yeah i'm looking for a special lady in my life who will call me baby dick every day oh it gets me off there has to be a better choice than that kyle i don't really like this well there's suicide do you think there's like a guy with down syndrome out there who gets off on the humiliation but it's like her asking him basic times tables things as he's getting fucked what's six times six oh you know i don't know tell me about me yeah taylor can't you keep your hate to minorities

oh well very good advice yeah a little if you have a weird little penis, your only option is to get really into being made fun of. Yeah. Oh, God. It takes your kryptonite and it turns it into your Popeye's spinach. We had a first topic picked out and it was not small penises. What was it? It was Kyle's, right? It was the bear.

Yeah, so this happened last year, I think. Is there a link or something I should be showing? Yeah, yeah, right there in the Discord. Thank you. I want to say it happened last year, but think. Is there a link or something I should be showing? Yeah, yeah, right there in the Discord. Thank you. I want to say it happened last year, but that's irrelevant because it's popped up now. It's become big now. Even though it's been posted a few times on Reddit, it was big today. 45,000 upvotes.

It's a video of this father and son in Alaska illegally killing a black bear and her cubs. And there's video there. And if we can, I think we should watch the video. I haven't seen the video yet. All I've done is read the comments and judged based on the story and people's reaction. And my initial thoughts are people are being too hard on this guy. Look, I'm going to go into this saying it sounds like what they did was cruel, up and like some real white trash redneck killing for fun entertainment kind of shit however they were bears they didn't do this to a dog which in my opinion is much worse and they didn't do this to a person which is like the worst thing you can do it into

a fucking bear in a cave in alaska If you've ever seen a shaved bear, it just looks like an enormous rodent. That's what people need to keep in mind. Someone has to say bears are people during this bit. It's a requirement. Kyle, you've forgotten bears are people. Can we press play? I'm ready.

Let me... I don't know if we should have led with this. All this graphic footage. I guess we'll see what we see. I think it's bears dying. Yeah. All right. Are we ready?

Unless one of the bears gets a good swipe. We're in the two-minute video. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm there. Ready? I'm sorry. Taylor, you there? Yeah.

Ready, set, play. Warning, graphic footage. All right, I'm just hearing footsteps. I can't tell if it's hot or cold in this footage. Well, both of them are wearing t-shirts. Well, one of them's not wearing any shirt. No shirt, as he walks around in the snow. That's very classic white trash, though.

Is it hot or cold? They're on skis in the snow, Woody. With no shirt on. This those shirt on juxtaposition So they're shooting into The den I'm gonna call it some sort of hole in the hillside And they've killed the mother bear and I believe they and they killed the cubs and they're dragging them out into the snow ah high five he says they'll never be able to link this to us and then they start taking selfies i don't think uh is he doing this near a public library this is a perfect camera setup the camera is set up to film the bears.

The bears are being studied. He says, quote, we go where we want and we kill shit. Wow. Two days later, the vendors return to the scene of the crime and tamper with the evidence. Yeah, they come back, they get their shell casings. Make sure there's no little parts. Right? Yeah. days later the runners returned to the scene of the crime and tampered the evidence yeah they come back to get their shell casings oh they'll never get you now geniuses yeah they don't know about the camera yeah that's it it is

astounding all the Cubs are tiny the Cubs are like the size of a ham yeah wow that's fucked they were sentenced like the size of a ham Yeah wow That's fucked They were sentenced for the killing of the mother and her cubs And 12 illegal acts What 12 acts could there be Maybe every shot they fired into the bear No all the stuff they're doing right now

This hiding of the evidence And this conspiring together to get rid of the evidence And then there's some hunting laws I like to think they were just not polluting. They were probably like, you know what? I feel bad about the trash I left behind. You'd like to think that, I suppose. I mean, if I learn anything from them,

it's that they're environmentalists. If I'm ever committing a crime like that, I'm going to make sure that my audible, like recorded voice is saying the right things. Like I would not have been shooting those bears and then being like yeah we're gonna get away with it i'd be like oh no oh the poor it was it was coming right at us it was that cover me that i'm carrying back in a shoe box so so here's the punishment that that was first of all what do you guys think the correct

punishment for these two gentlemen is? It's father and son. They have to fight an additional bear without guns. That is a good point. Okay, real punishment. Let's do this. 24 months, cut in half with good behavior. Jesus, a year in prison.

That's way too long. Way too long? For killing bear. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Oh, that's way too long. Way too long? I'm fine. For killing bear. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know. Something about the way they did it. Like, for example, my father-in-law never had to kill a bear, right?

And I'll just tell the truth. Now he's dead. You're not going to get him on it. But I've always felt like if he did shoot a bear who was otherwise the bear is vandalizing his property or causing problems, or he felt like the bear was just like any day now going to take out one of these grandkids, that I'd be very lenient on him. But I don't,

for some reason I'm applying a very different standard to these guys who went to the bear's habitat, found its den, killed it and all the kids. Yeah. Yeah. What they did is shitty as fuck. I just think that jail time for killing animals isn't a thing.

I'm afraid. They're animals. We eat them. You'd have to be like a serial bear killer. Or maybe if it were more cruel. I hear about those people who burn cats and boil dogs and shit like that.

Yeah, it's called China. When they throw the dogs in the moving water to drown them. I hate that. That to me is worse than this. They might have it in a bag. Yeah, these guys use guns that are made to kill. Before Kyle goes, Taylor,

what's your serious punishment for these people? I would say a fine and like maybe having to take a class or something or maybe like you're pretty light a few weekends in jail or something like i agree with you it's just way too much to be sending someone to to real deal prison for a year yeah killing a bear like it's fucked up but that's it doesn't seem like the punishment so because i I hunted so much, I was always aware of what the punishments were if you did a bad thing. And often it was you lost whatever you were using to do the infraction. Like if you poached a deer, well, you lost the gun you shot the deer with.

And you lost the truck you had used to transport the deer away. And your future hunting license. Like that's a good punishment. Yeah. So you'd definitely lose it for that year for sure. And then you'd to take a class and then there'd be a hefty fine you know ten thousand dollars so i feel like that is the punishment that you fine confiscate and take their license away for a year now what they actually did was uh it's two different punishments because one's one's a father one a son. There's varying ages.

Andrew Renner was sentenced to five months in jail with two months suspended. That means three months in jail. He got three months. He paid a fine of $20,000. They took $11,000 of it away. $9,000. They add and then they subtract. Don't you love the legal system?

He had to forfeit his 22-foot Seasport Ocean Boat and his trailer that he transports it on. What does that boat have to do with bear killing? I think he drove out, boated out there, then skied. They were on an adventure

to take these bears out. It sounds like these guys were really into it. This was not a crime of opportunity. No, not at all. That's a good one. I like this. Lost his 22-foot boat. He lost the trailer.

He pulls the boat on. He lost his 2012 GMC Sierra pickup truck, two rifles, two handguns, two iPhones, and two sets of backcountry skis, which were used in the offense. So everything that they used to do this bear killing, they lost. He lost his hunting license for 10 years. They took his iPhone. I feel like they were like, empty your pockets. What is that, Chapstick and Leatherman?

Give me that shit. Is there a mini flashlight? Fuck that. It's mine now. It's because they took pictures of each other with the bears, with the iPhones, adding the phones to the kitty. Wow. Okay. Wow, okay. Wow.

When you said everything involved in doing it, I thought the guns. And then when you said the car, I was like, oh yeah, they're just really adding that as a punishment. But when they started bringing it in, then you took a picture and give me

all your clothes strip it down strip it down you're going home naked you know the the crime rate across the board would plummet if we change the punishment for everything to chemical castration jesus christ so the son he got he got um i think two years without a hunting license some community service and when he comes back to, he has to take a hunter safety course, which is, I've done that thing. It's no big deal at all. But it's taking your time up, frankly. It's an inconvenience.

That's what it is, yeah. And I read that and I thought, these guys are assholes. These guys did a terrible thing. They've learned their lesson though, I bet. I bet right now they're awfully upset about losing their vehicles and boats and guns and money. $10,000 is no small fine.

And offer one bear and a bunch of little bears. The $11,000 is suspended. I think what the scoop is with it. So people don't remember. $20,000 fine. $11,000 of that was suspended. I think what it is is they dangle that over their head. And if these guys trip up on anything, if they so much as like choke a squirrel that other 11 will rear its ugly head again so it would take more effort to choke a squirrel than it would to do everything they did

imagine trying to track down a joke if you guys were to kill an animal in malice the way they did what kind of animal would it be a vole a vole i actually literally yesterday i was what did you do to evolve what are you about to admit on camera moles and moles and all that well i was choking them and you know i didn't do all that i was i got a ton of moles or like whatever the hell in my backyard it's getting to be spring so it's time to start you know getting rid of those guys and i was at home depot with my girlfriend yesterday and i went to the animal killing section and i kept like picking up the poisons and she was like can we please can we please try something that doesn't kill them first please can we get this i'll even i'll even buy it i'll even buy the the repellent and the

sonic i have another plan honey keep rid of it i will do this when you're not looking that's what i she was like well the way my dad used to do it is he would put something in there and it would smoke him out and then they'd come out of there and he'd bash him over the head yeah with a shovel and i i hated that and so i I pressured him once. That also kills them. I pressured him once to put it in a bucket. And then we drove it to a church and let him out there. And I was like, you think the groundskeeper at that church is going to play these games? Hell no. Those things are fucking dead.

The Bible doesn't say anything about protecting rodents. Nothing at all. And so she purchased a bunch of repellent stuff that I am 99% sure is not going to work. Because if the repellent stuff and this sonic plug it in the ground and it plays a noise that scares them or something, if that stuff worked, there wouldn't have been three items there and then 30 items of poison. I have a vole issue.

We have some voles in the yard, and voles make very small holes, if people don't know. But Great Danes turn those holes into larger holes, which become tripping hazards if you fly a paramotor. And that is my situation. There may be some poison this year. That's what I'm going to go with once this fails. I like that.

We don't have voles here. I don't know what a vole is. We had large, large rats that I would see sometimes out around machinery and under foundations, and we would gas them. We'd connect a pipe to a big diesel truck or a tractor even and pump the carbon monoxide down into the hole and stuff up all the holes, but two, one for the gas to go in, the other for the rats to flee out of. And by the time they were gassed up enough that they wanted out they were awfully dizzy and you could uh you could 22 pistol

them really at your leisure i was about one of those things where like you would start gassing out a barn or something because you saw one rat and then 30 rats or something ridiculous would stumble out yeah you'd get 8 or 10 for sure. I was about to explain to Kyle that a vole is a lot like a mole but with no eyes. And then I did a Google image search. They have eyes, don't they? Almost all of them. There is a variety of voles that's on the screen now that has no eyes,

but most of them do. And I'm really not sure what ours look like. Yeah. I don't know. It's not an animal that inspires pity fuck bears look i don't know why everybody god we are such human beings become such fucking pussies with this shit this is how i feel about owls with every animal is this majestic creature that has to be taken care of like we're all fucking planeteers or something sometimes it's just a big old hunk of meat that likes to kill taken care of like we're all fucking planeteers or something sometimes it's just a big old hunk of meat that likes to kill the stuff and it's okay to kill it back now what

these guys did was wrong i'm not defending it at all i didn't never do that that was fucked i think the bear was sleeping like literally hibernating yeah i killed it that's bullshit they should get punished and they i feel like they did but my whole thing was i read only did i it's like i read the reddit comments and everybody was like that's it that's all they did to these guys after after this and that and and he's shirtless because he was drenched in the mother's blood i guess that that's the truth like they skinned the mother and took the skin as well at one point, which, hey, they didn't use every part, but they used a part. They didn't even eat the bear. They kept the trophy.

Not everybody eats bear, Rogan. Do you eat bear? Joe Rogan does. You can eat. I mean, I'm just saying if you're going to kill a bear, you should eat it. Kyle, did it make you feel more manly when you ate the bear? Did you feel stronger? I felt a lot more aggressive, Joe, I'm going to tell you.

I ate that bear. Well, I had a lot of strong emotions come up. And the next thing I knew, I was in a den. Jesus, Joe, what is wrong with you? I was in a den putting a pine cone in my asshole and falling asleep for six to eight months at a time. I started hibernating. The fun part about those interactions is when you have social peers when there aren't normally social peers. When Joe Rogan interviews Alex Harnarld, I don't know, that guy who's an amazing freestyle climber with no ropes.

You probably know him. He climbed El Capitan with this free solo, I'm trying to say. Cool guy, yeah. Very cool guy yeah very cool guy but when he and joe rogan talk one guy literally lives in a van and the other guy is like 40 million dollar world famous a-lister right when joe rogan has on some scientist dude like brian cox who i think is really neat they're just not social peers when joe rogan has bill burr on he's like what the fuck is wrong with you joe that's weird and that's like the fun of it when you see a guy who doesn't have to like, I don't know,

just treat Joe with reverence. Remember when Brian Callahan was like, somebody does that to me, you know what I do? I fucking kill him. I fucking kill that guy. And Joe and Brendan Schwab are like, no, the fuck you wouldn't. You wouldn't kill him. You're full of shit. You know what your problem is?

You've been hanging around a bunch of knuckleheads that don't that don't chime in when you say stupid shit like that but we're gonna set you straight because that's fucking stupid no you would not fucking i'm telling you i'd get real mad though yeah yeah and then you'd go blow off some steam somewhere but you wouldn't fucking kill anybody you wouldn't do shit brian you wouldn't do shit that's an amazing thing. It was the best little insult to take somebody's wind out of their sails. Like, you're being a knucklehead. And then he goes on saying that all of Brian Callahan's friends are,

what is the word for like a worshiper? Sycophant? Do I have that perfect? Yeah. He's like, all your friends are sycophants who just agree with everything you say, and they are doing you a disservice. You need people like us in your life who call you on your bullshit. And it's just like, wow, he's really painting a picture here.

And meanwhile, Joe's like, yeah, I went to this ayahuasca retreat, and it was really enlightening. I didn't know that in the traditional Cherokee style, you have to give your trip leader a hand job after you take the medicine. But it really did add more to it. I was scared at first. By the end, I liked it. Ayahuasca is not attractive to me at all. It's always people... No, you vomit.

You get really sick all night. Not all night. I think you just puke once and you're good. Then you go on your crazy trip. Who is the chick with the great boobs who Taylor's not fond of? No, it's a different one. She's white and she has a Netflix special.

Is she a comedian? Kind of. You might not agree with that, but she's a comedian. Chelsea Handler? Amy Schumer? I don't know who you're going for here. Chelsea Handler, right? That's her name.

Oh, I like her. Yeah, she's a comedian. Chelsea Handler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She did it like Chelsea Tries. She did a whole series of different that's funny anyway she did ayahuasca and she threw up like multiple times

all night and then did it again a second night and got the experience she wanted nice yeah that of all the drugs i do imaginarily that's my least favorite yeah fuck all that man yeah like like i i feel like i'd rather uh vape that toad toxin before before i don't even know that no not that no we watched the toad toxin one on the show where the guy takes that weird little hit and then he passes out he's laying in the water but he's like if nobody was there to turn him over, he would die. He would have died dead. I want to do my paratopic now.

I've been excited about this since I found it. We're primed and ready. Paratopic. You wait. Because of today's news about the Special Olympics. I'm sorry. So one moment, please. I time-stamped it, but it didn't freeze right away.

This should take you to one minute and six seconds. And this has been kind of making the rounds a little bit in the paramotor world, although it's not paramotor related. Oh! Did you pause it? I paused it, but I see some skin hooks. Yeah, we go to 106?

Yeah, I'm there. All right, all right. So we're at 106? Yeah, I'm there. Alright, alright. So we're at 106. Ready, set, play. So there are the skin hooks that they will be attaching the base jumping chute to. Oh, fuck that.

Oh, fuck that. This is amazing. For those of you who aren't watching this shit, they've got these bars through, like six or eight bars through his back skin And he's fucking jumping off a cliff tied to a parachute. Oh God Do this he's got great calves

Get a job. He doesn't need a harness. He just attached. Oh, it's disgusting What if it just... What if, right? Wow, this guy's doing a back... Oh, but he's wearing a harness. He's got a goddamn chute, though. I'll do a backflip, but I've got a chute. Well, just to be clear, they all have a chute. He just didn't have a harness, the first guy.

Fair enough. His chute is attached to a whole different kind of apparatus. That's horrible. That is just... Oh oh they're showing the wounds now is his skin like all stretched out now yes i don't know those perfect job whoever the mad scientist who invented this rig should be put down like those bears in their den you should find you should find out where he lives and go there and hit while he's in his sleep and

And and fire bullets into the cave that he lives in and drag him out like those Alaskan men did you know? That is that guy can vote That guy can throw his opinion into the ring. He looks like a liberal fellow. I would guess that if you limited voting to people with dreadlocks that do that, that skin shoot, the Democrats would really do well. It would be great for Bernie. Maybe the conservatives are more on the side of, hey, do what you want to do out there. They're more libertarian in some ways.

Maybe the left would be like, hey, we have to pay for your health insurance, sir. You can't be doing extreme things like that. It is hard to decide which side tells you how to live and which side gives you the freedom to live the way you want. Because I can make arguments both ways. Yeah, right? Yeah. You know, the core focus of my religion is telling you what sex should be like. Right?

Yeah. You know? And then, whatever. I'm trying not to go hard on politics, but we'll see how this goes. Unless you're a white man with a bit of money, and then you can fuck anything you want. Just don't tell anybody about it and do it once in front of all of us. We're a big tent kind of party.

Everyone's welcome in here as long as you're not a gay or someone who base jumps with bars in your skin. Those are the only two groups we still exclude. All the rest are fine. Man, that Lindsey Graham's over there like, actually, that's right right only those with bars in their back are now discriminated against oh if lindsey graham came out gay i would be

not surprised i would that would be so fucking funny you can't be that i've been i've been gay since I saw my first penis. It was in 1957 in a locker room. And I thought, my goodness, I'd like that in me. And I went to talk to my father and he gave me such a savage beating. I was afraid of even my own penis for years to come. Or years to not come, if you catch my drift. That's what made me into the Republican I am today. He's just such a, he's so effeminate and, you know, he's unmarried

and he's that old. I didn't know he was unmarried. Oh, dude, that's another nail in the coffin. Yeah, he's if nothing else, he's like a pray the gay away kind of guy and he just hasn't made it work. I mean, he has made it work, you know, he's just living that the gay away kind of guy and he just hasn't made it work i mean he has made it work you know he's just living that that's what that's what i think a lot of priests have done

they put themselves in a position where there are there aren't any women but then as we found out recently they just end up raping the nuns if they're straight and raping the altar boys if they're if they're not there's a i guess a vatican-backed newspaper that's all women staffed for some reason. And they didn't let them report on the fact that priests raped nuns and every one of them quit the same day. That's true. I mean, that's good news. They actually stood up for themselves. Yeah.

I wonder how it played out. Did they're like, all right, come back. Or if they're like, nope, we're just going to stick with this and hire all new people. Put Chandra in there. She knows her place. Ah, yes, the classic voice of the Catholic. That's the Southern Catholic. The Southern Catholic.

The Pope's over there. I thought we had a good idea going, you know? I can't believe you go and tell them I raped you. I thought you say, no, no, no, stop, please. It's part of the game. I'm Italian. Very sexually aggressive. Lindsey Graham has never been married.

He's not unmarried, I think as Kyle implied. Never even been seen with a woman. Yeah, he... It would be funny if he came out. Remember when Mike Pence was like, I only have dinner with my wife because I think that it's untoward to do so with another woman. It's inappropriate. And if Lindsey Graham was like, you know, I only have dinner with my wife because I think that it's untoward to do so with another woman. It's inappropriate.

And if Lindsey Graham was like, I absolutely agree that I take it even a step further. I don't even I don't even like to be in the same room as women. I hate them. It's just they're so icky and gross. I saw a photo online of their genitals once and shut her to think. It looks like it's going to just eat you up. Yeah. I just imagine him shaking Mike Pence's hand

and then Mike immediately doing that down the pants white thing. Like, he's got to get that Lindsey Graham off of me. That would be funny if he was doing his gay monologues or saying the conversion therapy stuff. He's like side-eyeing Graham the whole time. And so conversion therapy can work. Lindsay. It can.

Lindsay, pay attention. I'm only doing this for another class because I don't want to embarrass you. I wonder how many closeted politicians there are there have to be a number of them yeah there's there definitely are and then you know not just gay but bisexual or maybe they're into some maybe they're into bars in your back base jumping and they just can't come out as one of those very few of them are into that i do too i i'm shocked that there is one person who does that and and by listening to the audio of that apparently there's more than one because the guy

was like hey rob didn't bleed nearly this much i guess he's tougher than you someone kill that guy for being that big of a douchebag he just face jumped with hooks in his back and you're immediately calling him out for for not being as tough as you what you bled when you did it? Rob's so much tougher. We'll go suck Rob's dick, asshole. I remember my first time face jumping with hooks in my back. Loser. That's a disgusting hobby that you

sent us there. You could take that, what if you took it a few steps further? Maybe tie it to your cock and balls. How firmly attached are they? Real firmly. I've seen some material on the internet of people

suspended from their cock and balls. I know I have a flash in my head of that exact thing where the guy's hanging upside down with his arms out and he's just hanging by his sack. Like a dead spider. It's pulled up so much that his penis isn't even there anymore. I've seen different varieties

of this where the guy is wearing what I'll describe as like a Hawaiian man skirt and then underneath that he has, uh, what are the weights called that go on a bar? Weights? I don't know. The circle weights with the hole in the middle that you lift with. Plates. Plates, yeah. And he's got several plates

on a rope that you know just go into the middle of this Hawaiian skirt thing and he's suspending them and lifting them. Fuck those people. Man, I wonder what path you take with sexuality to get there. That doesn't seem like

a first stop. Why don't you start with a little stretch? like a little stretch with a little stretch little tug start by masturbating with a firm grip and work your way up to weight lifting he's like this is my deadlift max is my bench this is my overhead press this is my squat and this is my penis pull this is my this is my... My scrotum suspend. You can pull 130 kilograms with your penis? Jesus. Yeah, that's why it looks like a nerd rope now. What the fuck is a nerd rope?

I'm Googling this. I remember when those first came out when I was in grade school or something, I was like, oh, nerds and candy? And I got one and had one bite and was like, this is a sucky candy. So it's little, almost, what are the sour things that pop in your mouth? Nerds, what am I saying?

On a taffy in the middle? Oh, shit. What is that? Well, the things that pop in your mouth are- Pop rocks. Yes. Yeah, nerds are the little ones in little square cardboard boxes. You get them on Halloween from shitty houses.

And they're tart. And they're on a taffy or something, so they just turn it into a nerd rope, I guess. This is a new candy for me. It's an abomination. Did you guys ever get given an apple on Halloween? Yes. Candy apples?

Well, I've gotten a regular Granny Smith apple before. Sometimes that's nice to cleanse the palate. Five-year-old me had never even considered vandalism. He didn't know that it was a thing that could be done, and I had a visceral feeling of wanting to do it when I got an apple. I didn't like coupons.

I don't know if that's still a thing people do, but people would like, like, here's a dollar off at McDonald's. And here's a dollar off at McDonald's. And here's a handful of dead AA batteries. These are my house later. Seven year old me was like, oh, like this is a strikeout house. This is terrible. What are you going to do with a coupon to a store?

I don't have the underlying foundation of money. I don't have the underlying foundation of money. What a cunt you have to be to give children coupons. Awful. Did you do any Halloween pranking? Any sort of... Instead of treats, were you ever after tricks? Were you ever smashing people's pumpkins? Or egging houses?

Rolling houses? That sort of shenanigans? I TP'd a handful of houses when I was a teenager with friends. On Halloween, I remember once when we were in middle school or maybe early high school or some shit like that, we were running around a friend's neighborhood with baseball bats smashing the pumpkins on people's porches. Because if you smash a pumpkin

you know it's it's a nice it's a very satisfying thump it is and you know of course i'm a kid and so i'm not thinking like haha i'm creating chores like for people as i do it and then a friend of mine was like oh there's another one so he jumped out of the car and he sprinted over there with his aluminum bat and he gets way up and wham slams it down and it turned out it was an aluminum pumpkin and so it made the loudest like noise and just dented and like his hands were shaken from the thing and then a bunch of lights started to turn on and so he ran back and we drove away and went to taco bell so it was a it was an all right night nothing serious though we wouldn't smash the pumpkins in the yard we would take them away and went to Taco Bell. Sounds like a fun night. It was an alright night. Nothing serious, though. We wouldn't smash the pumpkins in the yard. We would

take them. We would take their pumpkins with us. And we'd throw them out of the moving vehicle because then they would just splatter. That's more fun. Damn it. You had to have a driver's license. Were you still vandalizing at that age? Kyle? Kyle clearly was. Taylor, I was talking to you oh on me uh 16 yeah i was probably about that age

i don't know i went out in new jersey it's called mischief knife it's like a well-known thing it's like and people i guess vandalize this was in may and i existed like i was outside but i don't think i can recall ever damaging people's stuff. It was more like just to see people and sneak around when no one's even trying to find you. Yeah. We would sneak around when no one's trying to find you. That was a fun thing to do as a kid, where it's like, ha ha, you didn't even see me. They're not even looking for you.

Yeah, that's pretty much what my mischief night was like. And we'd mess with people we knew because that felt more innocent that because like the next day you'd probably tell them oh yeah you wouldn't tp like a random person's house like it would always be like oh fucking karen was being you know ridiculous and she got ted's house we're gonna go get her house or something yeah i would i would skunk my friends if it's your friends that's one thing i really don't like the idea of like here's a guy we bully all the time but tonight we're doubling down and bullying his whole family no i feels i don't know it's never like that the people that

you bullied you don't know where they live those fucking losers it's not like you're going over there come on they don't have they probably don't have houses they probably hope no i i didn't bully people i certainly didn't know where i didn't know where those people live anywhere my friends live so you know i'd go over to raleigh's house and skunk him that's when you take a dead skunk and you put it in his mailbox nice where do you get the dead skunk well you gotta drive around for a while we lived in the country the thing about a dead skunk is it announces its presence you don't have to be like all right keep your eyes peeled boys all right let's go for a leisurely drive this evening listen to some music and smoke cigarettes

and oh yep we're close it's like those 1980s thing where you have a circle and a radar like we're getting closer we're getting odds getting fader stronger weaker yeah and you know we'd skunk raleigh you know that was a fun thing to do. And then there was this other guy who was actually like a distant cousin of some kind. We knew him. We knew his name. We knew he lived there. And we tomatoed his house.

Not eggs. Tomatoed that motherfucker. That's a more expensive crime. Not if your grandfather owns a produce stand. And Scott's grandfather owned a produce stand and Scott's grandfather owned a produce stand and he'd have all these old tomatoes that, that were getting a little on over the edge. And he'd be like, y'all boys can have him old tomatoes.

Don't get in any trouble. Like we knew what that meant. He knew what we were doing with those maters as he'd call them. Get ourselves a half bushel of maters and go out having a bit of mischief. I never did anything too hardcore, but Scott, like, like I guess, you know, he had been hanging out with me and we'd go do those little acts of mischief, like maybe skunking one of my friends or, or,

or egging one of them even if it was somebody we didn't like, not somebody we bullied as much as somebody we just had, we didn't see eye to eye with and appear. It wasn't punching down, it was just punching. And Scott was like, oh man, this is fun, just doing fucked up shit and breaking things up. So him and his cousin went out one night, just walking through the town, looking for mischief to do. And they found a semi truck, I want to to say and they slashed the tires on the motherfucker and then they found a car that was parked there and scott's cousin who's like 250 300 pounds at the time gets up on the roof of the thing jumps up into the air and ass slams the roof so hard

that it destroys the car i mean it basically destroys the fucking car. Like 300 pounds of man coming down ass first, it shattered the windows and the roofs all dented in and they had to pay for all of that. It was a real ordeal because, because, you know, they weren't exactly ninjas in the night. That's not even a prank. That's just, no, I never pranked out of malice. It was always like somebody would get me and I'd want to get them back. This was malicious property damage. This wasn't even pranks. This was just, let's break some shit. Yeah, that's

ridiculous. That was very nice. It wasn't pranking because the people I knew who did this did it to random people in neighborhoods so it couldn't be traced back to them. But all those kids in my high school who would go and shit on people's mailboxes or on their electrical boxes or just on their front porch yeah you know that's not appropriate but when i would hear about it on monday it was hilarious

yeah i put firecrackers in people's yard like like you know the the rolls of them you buy that it's like oh yeah like 250 or 300 you firecracker their yard or something like that i didn't feel like that was a big deal like i remember people would do like forking other people's yards that's work for you too though see that was the thing that's why i never did forking because like people would explain they'd be like so the prank is we get there at midnight put in a solid seven hour shift of bending over putting forks into the ground and then the next morning they're like look at all these forks and i'm like that but it's going, they're like, look at all these forks! But it's going to take us

as long as it's going to take them to clean it up. That's not a prank. I just imagine doing it to the one guy on the block who's got a mower with a mulcher on it. He's like, fuck you. He just drives through them all, sucking them all up. I think the forks would be there forever. You just have plastic into your landscape.

It's the new thing. That reminds me of that prank where people take solo cups and fill them with water and fill someone's room up with them. That's a lot of work for you too, although you're kind of giggling and probably drinking while you're doing it and they're coming back from

spring break with their families and they've got their bags and stuff and they just want to relax and probably take a nap and they get back and their whole room is water. It's not a prank, but this made me think of that for some reason. A buddy of mine in a fraternity in college, he had this upper,

it was one of the shittiest houses on campus, like totally breaking down, not like the fire escape was made of wood which is not seems like bad for fires it's not ideal and so he he was telling me once he's like yeah dude it was such a shithole like i was in the top bunk and there was only uh two feet of clearance between where my bed was and the root like the ceiling and so like he's like shoved in there and he's like and right above my face where i slept giant hole right in the ceiling i was like oh that sucks and he's like yeah it gets even worse though because a couple

weeks ago i was laying down and i heard a little like a little like oh no noises like tip tapping i roll over for a minute and it's like someone's just making noise whatever i heard it again a little chittering and tip tapping so i roll back on my back and try and fall asleep and right here one more time i open my eyes and i see the glowing eyes of a raccoon looking at me through the hole in the ceiling. And there was a raccoon that was living in the ceiling, and he was like, and so I was like, what did you do? And he's like, I screamed, and I jumped out of bed, hit my head on the ceiling, got out of there, and so we spent the next three to four hours,

everybody in the house, hitting the ceiling with with brooms trying to scare it out. I was like, did it eventually come out? Did you get it? He's like, yeah. Yeah, eventually it came out. And then we had to deal with the situation of a raccoon chasing us throughout our fraternity house. I was like, what'd you do? How'd you get rid of it?

And he's like, about four of us got in the main hallway with brooms trying to shuffle it to the other side. It was too quick, though. It kept dodging past us eventually riley stood by the door hiding behind it and as soon as it got close he smacked it outside with the broom and i don't think i don't think we've seen it since it's like wait have you like called anybody to make a complaint he's like oh no no it's fine it was the biggest shitole i remember going to big parties there and the upstairs hallway would bow when this many people were standing on it to the

point that i was like i should i'm gonna be on the news if i don't leave like from a collapsed house but anyway that's not a prank but it reminded me of the yeah that raccoon story that's not a prank, but it reminded me of that raccoon story. That's a scary, scary life. I have an A&B question. Oh, go ahead. If you guys had to choose between having all homeless people killed or all people over 75, which would you choose and why? All people over 75, there's a whole lot more of them than there are homeless, and they are a greater problem with our economy and our health care system and everything.

I think if all of them went, we might actually be able to do something with like socialized medicine, like the next day. Well, you realize there'll be more 75 year olds in no time at all. Yeah. But if we get this batch that's here done, that's a problem for future generations.

Yeah. Yeah. The American way. And there's going to be more hobos, you know, you kill all the hobos. I came at it from a moralistic angle. I feel like the 75-year-olds didn't do anything wrong.

You might even argue they did things right to achieve 75-year-oldness. Whereas the homeless people, while some may have done nothing wrong, for the most part, these are guys who don't have it together for some reason that's self... They're just not thriving in this world i just imagined the 75 year old homeless man who's sitting there like well hurry up and make your decision cocksucker yeah i'm actually thinking of it in a similar way like those old folks didn't well then again a lot of homeless people didn't do anything to deserve to die a lot old to die how many homeless finish most homeless do anything to deserve to die a lot old to die how many homeless most homeless people don't deserve to die oh i'm with you i'm with you yeah yeah but before you

finished i i thought you were going to say that the homeless people didn't do anything deserve to be homeless and i would argue that probably they did probably they did some drugs some of them were maybe just born uh just some sort of psychosis or something a lot of them you know it's an economic problem that they have yeah i'd kill the homeless because there aren't nearly as many homeless as as elderly 75 and up people so you're basing it on the number of people killed i would imagine like the number is probably like 20 fold orfold difference. This is like a trolley problem to you. You familiar with the trolley problem? I think I did it on the show once.

If people don't know the trolley problem, real quick, you're the conductor on a trolley. You have access to a switch. If you do nothing, the trolley hits one guy. If you flip the... No, I'm sorry.

If you do nothing, the trolley hits five guys. If you flip the switch then you kill that other guy one such an easy decision i don't know why people struggle over this it's like yeah just flip a switch and it kills one get one guy that's less evil um but but but yeah i would get rid of all the the old people because i feel like it it would be better for society um because you know the homeless people are there's 550 000,000. I looked it up. On the trolley problem, I'm kind of curious, Kyle.

If you had five people that needed organs, would you kill one and then distribute his organs? I don't care. Throw him in the trash for all I care. The whole thing was kill one person or kill five. No, no. What he was asking... Yeah. Would you take a healthy person, harvest his organs, and give it to the other five to keep them alive?

Most people flip their answer on that. Only if he was tied to a trolley and I had to make a flipping the switch decision. Well, you're effectively making that decision in either case. No, the decision was made for me by that mustache twiddling villain who tied all these people to railroad

tracks and put me in a car. What if all five of those people are all really into meat hook base jumping? And the other guy is a conservative you know, oh I try not to hurt anybody, I'm just trying to raise my family and I would never base jump. I try to get the best view I can manage and enjoy the show. Yeah. I don't think your analogy is fair because

no, I would not go out and murder a person and take his organs because that will benefit society. But I'm put in a scenario where I'm on a fucking train car and it's either going to crush one guy or five guys and it's an easy decision to say one. One is less than five. But it's the flipping of the switch

that makes it like you're kind of observing five people die or murdering one. That's the choice you make. Yeah. I don't see it that way. I see it like you're in a car accident and you swerve knowing that it might kill the person in the car with you, but now you're not going to hit that school bus full of children. You didn't murder your wife. You just made the... You just had a happy accident and now you can go on to hit that school bus full of children. You didn't murder your wife. You just made the...

You just had a happy accident and now you can go on vacations. That's right. Yeah, I don't see it as murdering the one guy and I don't think the law would either. You'd be like, I was going to hit five or I was going to hit one. That'll be a landmark case when the whole trolley thing makes it to the Supreme Court. That would be so fucking funny.

I feel like you've dodged the crux of it. There's a do nothing five die or do something and murder one. That's the core of it. And then of course the, the surgery thing is kind of a parallel is still a one versus five decision you're making. I don't see it that way. For some reason,

the surgery one seems so much more corrupt, right? It's still a do nothing or do something. Walking around through society. Like how do these people get tied to tracks? What did they do to be tied to tracks? Is the Joker out there just snatching up randoms? Or are these crooked

cops that are out there? Maybe to fuck with me... I won't let you go until you tell me what's black and white and red all over. That's the Riddler. Oh, whatever. Whatever the fuck. Joker, Riddler, same thing. The newspaper. The newspaper's black and white and red all over.

A zebra and a blender is a black and white. A zebra and a blender. I like that one. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, so I thought it was an interesting thought experiment. Because like Kyle, I kind of instantly was like, oh, I guess kill the one. And then when they make it the surgery thing,

and you're like, wow, you'll eye on yourself if you don't see the parallel there, right? You know, it's definitely a do nothing let five die do something and murder one parallel maybe if you're on the train tracks and you're there like am i the heart surgeon and we're on an island because then it might make sense like if you because like i'm just me walking around you can't put this choice to kill a guy and save five more on me. How does it get put to me? You know, you're the, you're the organ decider.

Kyle, you have, you have to factor, you have to put the train into that second analogy. The, the I'm on this moving object and I have a decision to make for, for, for the other thing to make any sense to me.

But, but we're, this is just semantics. I flipped switch, kill the one guy. One's less than five, though. We'll find out that the Joker has one's less than five though i will find

out that the joker has tricked me and the five people i've saved are all like mass murdering child rapists and the one guy penguin and mr freeze and other scarecrow dude yeah it was five evil people i saved and one glorious person that i that i ran over that would be the the thing that would that would destroy you and turn you to the evil i i like these patreon questions at least i'm only at the top of the list and they're good this month they're not always good in my opinion but they're good this month would you link it please uh yeah i'm afraid to scroll or do anything too that might tax my 1080 ti four thousand dollar computer here too much and freeze my camera. If you were the bum in Kyle's

story, for those that don't know, Kyle saw a bum, I forget what led up to it, but he basically decided to take this guy to a quickie mart and let him have stuff, and he went hog wild. If you were the bum in Kyle's story and someone told you to get what you want in a convenience store, what items would you

pick out? and someone told you to get what you want in a convenience store, what items would you pick out? I think I would get one of those big jugs of water. So I'd have water. I don't know how readily. Maybe that's. In the container. Right?

Maybe that plastic container has value. Yeah, I'm sure they'll give you a plastic cup for free over there or something like that. Ice is usually 30 cents if you want that first cup to be ice water. I'm trying to make it on the streets. I might want that Fiji water bottle for my spigot refills. Gallon jug, right? You can get those

gallon jugs of water. Then you've got a handle on everything. That could become a pee bucket later on or a liquor distillation vessel. Or both. You're going to want some booze if you're on the streets. All you need is a claw hammer and then find people who have these that's the st louis way thank you mr myers show us kind of you to collect these bottles and such caves your skull i want some sort of sustenance maybe like a hot dog on the little spinny things i got one of those the other day

and it was delicious i had never had i have never had a gas station hot dog in the little spinny things? I got one of those the other day and it was delicious. Really? I have never had a gas station hot dog in my life because I thought they were garbage. And it was two in the morning and I was really, really hungry. And I decided I was going to play some. So you were getting a fresh one. No, stick with me here. Like this is an interesting thing about gas station hot dogs

that I was unaware of. We were going to play some Rust. And I was like, well, if we're going to play Rust at two in the morning, I need a hot dog and some Red Bull. I drove to the gas station. At the racetrack gas station, they had the spinny thing. They had this little bar there that says above this line,

not done yet. That means they've just been put on recently. I look at them. It's so funny that this is new to you. I didn't know. I walked past that. No, you can tell the color variation. The one at the bottom is like a dark brown, and the one at the top is that light, raw wiener look.

It's pale. And I was like, holy shit, can you actually get not food poisoned from a gas station hot dog? Because I've always just walked past this thing and never given it a second glance because I've had so much food poisoning in my life, and it's awful.

But yeah, they have a drawer full of steamed buns in little plastic containers. I hooked myself up with one of those little relish, little mustard. It was delicious. It was a real good little hot sauce. Tasty. I really enjoyed my gas station hot dog, but I think you want something that's going to go the long haul. I kind of want to get

a whole box of Raisin Bran. Raisin Bran? Raisin Bran. There's a lot of energy in raisin bran that's that's some tasty cereal now my milk is gonna be hard to come by but you're homeless you got that jug of water don't be a bitch just water up that cereal i'm not i'm not feeling your choice i i might roll the dice get the hot dog, and hope to find another Kyle in the morning. I love that cursed image meme of someone who's pouring white monster energy drink into a bowl of communion wafers. That's hilarious.

I can't imagine anything that tastes worse than that. It's ridiculous. No, realistically, the thing I would want the most, whether it's heated or not heated, I think a can of ravioli is pretty tasty. Like that Chef Boyardee ravioli those are good it's gonna be heated over the fire in that 55 gallon barrel where all the homeless hang out you pop the top a little and put it on top of there maybe boil it in some water that's the that's the safest way or don't pop the top and play jack-in-the-box yeah yeah homeless jack-in-the-box ravioli surprise uh i would like some of those cans of ravioli that would probably be my choice honestly get a couple of forks a gallon of water

and as many cans of ravioli as that kind person if he showed up with six cans of ravioli i wouldn't have batted an eyelash i'd have been like all right six cans of ravioli jug of water you know what you're doing let's go now if you showed up with eight or ten i might have been like dude are you gonna put all those in a sack and beat someone with it is that what this is about that's actually a good second use you got a pillowcase and seven cans of ravioli you're now a force to be reckoned with especially if it's one of those long body pillow pillowcases. You're getting some momentum or leverage. Whatever physics word applies here

is what you're getting. Yeah, I think that. I think beef jerky would be good. Oh, come on. You're going to be so... You're not going to shit for a week if you're living on beef jerky. I don't have access to a bathroom, so that's okay. That's a win-win. Get some beef jerky and some cheese. Solve a problem. you guys ever like not shit when you travel i've talked to people who have

like experienced that too or like sometimes you'll fly somewhere or drive somewhere really far away and then you just won't poop for a couple days out of nowhere regular uh i i shit every morning without fail no matter what and it's rare that there's an afternoon or evening shit because I eat pretty Consistently and I always make sure there's a good bit of fiber in my diet Well, that's what I'm saying is so weird about it is like I'm pretty similar to usually in the morning sometimes early afternoon But then I'll go on a trip or like I went to Colorado Last weekend, and I didn't poop all weekend. I shit, I think like late morning, early afternoon on Friday.

And then it wasn't until like Monday morning that some of the backlog started pouring out, not pouring out. It was an, it was an ordeal, but like my diet leading up to the travel. It was compressed into a poop diamond. Yeah, it was a poop diamond. Yeah, it was just a poop diamond. The bitch turned sideways on me. And I had to call my dad. Can I get in here and break this up?

You bring me one of my skis. I watched Wingstream the other night. I needed an ice scraper in a cup of hot water. I was invisible, and I didn't participate, but I just watched for a little bit. He did okay. He wasn't upset.

He was playing, I guess, Battlefield has a Battle Royale mode. And he was doing well. He got a bunch of donations. He found a guy to play with that seemed pretty cool. Yeah. And that's that. Yeah, I saw him getting upset the other day. There's always highlights and lowlights.

Shit happens. He spilled his chili on the keyboard. That's kind of comical, I guess. I think he turned the camera off afterwards to eat the chili off the keyboard. That's a speculation. That hasn't been verified. Wings, if you're seeing this smart move to turn that camera off i heard slurping um that's not true i'm teasing um but but but they keep sending uh whores prostitutes ladies of the night continually they've done this more than once

yeah yeah they sent a um they've sent i i don't keep regular tabs on this thing, but last I checked it, it was up to four now. Maybe a duo and two solos. They sent a mechanic the other day. That was fucked. They sent a mechanic who drove an hour out of his way. The guy's expecting to be paid several hundred dollars to do some mechanic work. I want to say that

like you know they post they're texting the guy and they're posting pictures of their text log with the guy as part of the gag and you know i think they sent him a selfie off of wings twitter to be like hey this is me you know when i'll be here when you and so you know the guy gets there and he's real pissed off red in the face and screaming and rightly so the guy the guy said rightfully so i can see why he's pissed off but he he doesn't seem to get that wings didn't do it yeah but he's out timing money you know and he's not thinking straight at that point which kind of puts wings in a little bit of danger i i don't like those pranks that i don't like the ones where yeah it could get dangerous and and look. And look, I think pranks are fun for the most part, as long as they don't get dangerous.

Like if you've rented a crane and sent it to his house, and I'm not telling you to do this, I'm just making the comparison. If you rent a crane and send it to someone's house, the crane company, I suppose, is out some time, they're going to be upset. But when you find that lowly individual mechanic driving a sedan an hour out of his

way like that gas money probably meant something to that guy you know it was that's how i felt about pizza there was a um people used to send pizzas to my house all the time and i felt a lot of these guys were just like little businesses entrepreneurs trying to make a go of it in the pizza world and they would not order a pizza they'd order like 11 pizzas and the guy and they'd show up in my house with 11 pizzas must be like 200 worth of pizza i don't know yeah yeah totally and uh that's really shitty so it wasn't even like pizza hud or dominoes it was like joe's pizza emporium what would happen is i like one by one i would get on a pay in advance list you you know, which is where I wanted to be.

Like they wouldn't take an order from a house unless you paid in advance. Yeah. And, um, so they would start going to like places that I hadn't thought of, or, you know, that's how they would get some guy to prank.

And the one guy came to my house, he's like, I've been in this business a long time. I knew this was a prank pizza. No one orders a pizza like this. So like you can get a pizza with the a pizza like this so like you can get a pizza with the works for like 14 or you can get a pizza and like manually put everything together and make it a 65 pizza and uh that's really funny this guy wants alfredo sauce and marinara sauce right they were

just like and he's like this is this is a joke so he came to my house to like talk to me about it and at first he thought i was behind it all but then once he met me i was like you know put a sign by the phone so that this whoever's taking these orders knows like if this is the address don't take their money you know don't don't take their order i mean to say yeah yeah it's it's but but yeah i i just wanted to say like if you care what i think about this pranksters of the world it's not nice to do that to that mechanic especially like i get that it's fun to like wind wings up i get that it is but but the mechanic i feel bad for you know that was just

that average hard-working joe who's like trying to take his one skill and turn it into some money, probably for his family, you know? And I felt bad for him in particular. Why are we going out of our way not to feel bad for Wings? At some point, is he over punished for this crime? Wings answered his door and got yelled at, you know? Like, it's not like... Well, that sucks.

It does suck. I don't want to open my door and get yelled at by someone it didn't cost him anything time or money if anything it got some more views on his on his video i watched because that happened again i'm not saying troll it causes stress though i'm sure and that's probably the point of it like it's for that that's like yeah it is funny how you're like this poor mechanic just trying to feed his family and his fucking old uh you know dodge caliber driving to and fro and meanwhile like the whores who had a similar thing happen you're like ha ha ha ha fucking whores which i'm not passing judgment i tend to agree i just don't know why that is yeah i don't know why it is i i think it's this i think it's that the whores are notoriously um

sort of shady people to begin with i got a problem with prostitution you know i think it should be legal and then but but it sounded to me like hey you know i the, the mechanic a hundred percent. Well, mechanics are known for being a little shady. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I don't know what I'm thinking. This was not a shady mechanic. If he,

if he were, he would be driving a sedan to wings house in the middle of the day to try to earn up a little extra scratch. That's all I'm saying. I felt bad for the mechanic. I feel like you need to like make your trolling and prankster ring safe is the number one thing. Legal is the first thing.

Safe is the second thing. And a victimless prank. You should abide by those three rules, I feel like, when you're pranking and being silly with people. Otherwise, you kind of become the bad guy in the scenario. It's kind of a rotten thing you're doing, you know, like, like, and you know, when I see wings spill his chili, I chuckle. It's good fun. And when he's like, telling the story of the whores, I hope he realizes that him telling the story about he's like, well, yeah, pretty sure one of them was just a dude in a wig anyway. That's good quality content. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed listening to him talk about it.

I get that he doesn't like it. In an ideal world, it wouldn't happen to him. But I'm just saying, if you're going to do it, this is like a parent talking about premarital sex. Look, I'd rather if you just didn't engage in all that. Maybe a little hand play. But if you're going to do this, you got to put

a condom on. That's all I'm saying. Put a condom on that's all i'm saying put a condom on before you prank wings that's how i do it yeah i'm wearing one right now can't be too safe i uh i tweeted out before the show and i was like hey anybody who knows weird internet communities or forums or anything that would be good to talk about on the show link me and I just went back and checked and One of the top ones is called dick flash comm and what dick flash Comm is apparently is it's a bunch of guys who are flashers in public Talking about no experience Flashing people in public.

I haven't read this yet, so hopefully it's funny. This is called on dickflash.com the forum for exhibitionists flashing my 18-year-old granddaughter. I'm sorry, I just want to chime in. Are you all getting

the ad at the top of the page that I'm getting? Yes. I can't show it to everyone, but it's like an MRI of a dick getting hard. Look to the left of that, what it says. Oh, no, I don't have that. I thought you were laughing because mine's a blue-chew ad.

It's a blue-chew ad. Yeah, all I see is the gif on mine, but I can't show it to everyone because that's totally a dick. Yeah, my gif is that girl doing a bit of... I don't know what you call that position because they're not in a bed or lying down, but it's sort of reverse cowgirl

and they're both on their knees. And she's having to go through a long, strokey motion because his penis is much bigger than this can of Monster. Taylor, would you read me a story? Yeah. I just kind of like jumped ahead this is fucked up uh my 18 year old granddaughter that's gonna be too exhausting my 18 year old granddaughter

stays over once in a while on weekends she's done it for years but just recently i noticed that when i get up in the morning she's watching me i realized that it was because sometimes i forget she's there and come out of the bedroom with my robe untied. Sometimes it will fall open and she looks, so I had to decide to give her a good look. I made my lunch and hers and brought it to the living room, which has four steps coming down into it. I put all the food on a serving tray. Then I opened my robe nice and wide, picking up the tray and walking into the room down the stairs. Now my hands are full and I can't close it. I pretended it was an accident and cussed as I am coming down the stairs so she will look. When she did, she started talking, but her voice was flustered and she never stopped looking down. When I got down, I said I was sorry and closed my robe.

She just said, oh, that's okay. I've seen them before. So I went back to get her a soda and me a coffee. When I entered the stairway, I got my robe to fly open again. It had my hands full again. So I walked over to her and handed her the soda. But because she had just said she'd seen them before, I had gotten excited and I was very hard. I closed my robe again and said, I hate to tie it. I hope you don't mind. She looked at me and said it was cool. So I got really bold and asked her if she had seen my tan lines.

Her response was not really. So I opened it again, pretending to try and cover my raging heart on and turned sideways, being sure that my cock was actually uncovered. I showed her the tan lines on my butt and then turned and pretended to try and cover my cock and turned sideways while I turned to show her the front lines. She said that they were very thin lines in the front. Do they go all the way across?

At that point, I was so excited, I was dripping pre-cum and open my robe all the way. So she could see the tan lines went down to my cock and back up to my hip. She just stared and said, that is really cool. I pointed out how they dipped down in the front to the top to my hip. She just stared and said, that is really cool. I pointed out how they dipped down in the front to the top of my cock. Her response is that that is so cool. Now my cock has a string of pre-con hanging down. I just pick it up with my finger and rub it on my cock as she is watching me. I was so excited I had to sit and cover it and eat. Or maybe I might have exploded in front of her now sometimes

i will play with it a bit and let my robe hang open while i am rubbing it but i have not yet jerked off in front of her yet i know that will come soon this is a real website this is a real website first of all i don't buy this for second. This is a fucking weirdo who fantasizes about showing his granddaughter his dick. 18-year-olds are not into grandpa dick. How many times would an 18-year-old be like, yeah, that's cool.

No, did you notice this about my tan lines near my dick? Yeah, grandpa, that's sick. That's super awesome. Man, grandpa, you sure are hard. That's a lot of pre-cum man that's cool like this my goodness i can tell let's see that was that i don't believe that story but it it disturbed me yeah that's a fucked up story that is real, that guy needs to be in prison. Did you see?

Well, she's 18. Shut up. It's his house. It's his house. You're going to have a hard time. You come into my house, it's clothing optional in here. I think that's right.

Oh, look at this big, this cool guy. This is called Bulge Flash for the cleaning ladies. Once a week for the past few years, we have a cleaning lady a few years younger than me. My wife's new schedule has her work when she comes. For the past few weeks, I've been wearing black tights with a pouch while I lounge around the house as she cleans. I wear a cock ring underneath to make my bulge that much bigger.

Usually, I will be slightly hard. I catch her staring and she has been much more chatty with me. I'm not sure much bigger usually i will be slightly hard i catch her staring and she has been much more chatty with me i'm not sure what my next step will be suggestions that's great that's okay that's a funny one i kind of like that yeah here's my question so i know that like if i order food and i'm naked at the door that's got to be a crime because we're in the doorway and they had to do it although Although one of my favorite subreddits, Taylor, you might enjoy this, it's called Pizza Dare. You familiar with Pizza Dare?

Have I talked about it before? Forgive me if I have. I think you might've mentioned it. If you have, I don't remember. It's when naked girls answer the door for the pizza guy. Yep, I remember this. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a crime, but they're ladies, so it's not a crime.

But for us, it's a crime. However, what if you have guests over and you do what this dirty grandpa did? Is that illegal? It's your house. They're of age. I feel like because she's 18. Oh, but wait, you can't. Now I see.

Now I'm just putting it together. It's like you're 18, you can do anything you want. Oh, but wait, you can't now I see now I'm just putting it together it's like you're 18 you can do anything you want oh but wait you can't flash people oh wait but it's your house that you're flashing people there's no public indecency to be had there we're in my it kind of reminds me of those cases that you hear about where like

and there's even a joke where the neighbor's like yeah he's over there walking around naked in his house and the officer's like I can't see and she there walking around naked in his house. And the officer's like, I can't see. And she's like, well, stand up on this bucket and you can see. And I hear of actual cases where people will be naked in their homes with the windows open and the law says they're in their house. Don't look. That happened to a coworker of mine.

It was actually, was actually a contractor. The company was Swedish. They had a couple guys from Sweden in the American office who had good jobs. They used to walk around naked in their house all the time. It was just a thing. They didn't think anything of it part of the culture or something and uh they called the police on them and they had to agree to close the curtains or maybe not enforceable though like if they if they've been like no i will not close my curtains yeah maybe maybe i phrase it wrong i think they

agreed to close their curtains maybe they didn't have to agree. Maybe they were just being good neighbors. Yeah, that makes sense. And I wonder, like... I don't know. I wonder about that first case. It's definitely wrong to flash people. Yeah, definitely.

I just don't know if it's illegal. It's illegal. In your house, Taylor? Well, if somebody comes into my house and I show them my penis in self-defense, that falls under the castle doctrine. Okay. Well, my first approach is I throw out a few defensive riddles.

And then if they overcome those, then I flash them. This reminds me. Standing your ground with your cock, I saw a video that we can't show. Yeah. It's called Cock Fu. Uh-huh. And the guy's being attacked by these sexy ninja ladies.

And he's wearing, like, a robe with his penis out. And he's, like, maybe seven inches flaccid. And he's whipping it around, slapping them about with it, like in like a kung fu ninja style like that's great pow and like the camera will like switch to an angle like at the base of his cock so you see the cock like wow like do that and he's basically beating them senseless with his penis and it's getting harder as he goes so he's kind of like one of those villains and from anime who only gets stronger the more damage they take he's just He's just continually becoming a much more rigid and powerful force to deal with.

I laughed my ass off. Oh, I believe this one. And that makes it weirder. The one that I linked or a different one? No, no, a different one. You should read the one you linked. I don't want to be associated with the one that I linked. I know, that's why I don't want to read it.

This person, this one I believe. He said, That's why I don't want to read it. This one I believe. He said, Had some fun at the hairdressers on Friday. I've done this several times. I don't wear underwear. I simply unzip my jeans and pull out my cock under the cover and slowly stroke it. I don't find the woman who shaved my head to be attractive, but there was a hot milf beside me and two hot, big-titted, chunky girls in the shop.

It's not the most exciting experience for me because I'm completely covered, but it is safe and fun. I wouldn't really recommend it for beginners, though. I had to scare the last time because they got me to change spots, so I had to zip up really quick. I totally believe that there are guys out there jacking off under the cover that you get at hairdressers.ers yeah i believe that one too that you know i don't know if we ever covered it but but she's linked us that video a few weeks ago where the guy and this i've seen porn videos of this and it would seem like the videos would be illegal because this seems like assault but they'll just walk up to a lady who's sunbathing and jerk off on her and like ejaculate onto her and in this case he like squirted her with like

a water bottle to like make it seem like oh that wasn't cum it was water the whole time haha but he had really just filmed himself ejaculating on a sunbathing woman and i've seen bunches of them where these guys go up to the bus stop and they'll be like so fucking cavalier with this shit like he's just standing right behind a woman and he's just fucking jerking it. And he must... They come loaded for bear. They have been... They're on the edge by the time they approach the bus. They have been in their Chevy Cavalier

They're like the SEAL Team 6 of deployment. They come at the exact moment needed not a moment later. They had to edge themselves for an hour or two to work up the not the courage but the stupidity to do this thing and and then he just he's and blows all and they don't feel it i guess you wouldn't feel a load hitting your pants maybe but but i've seen

a bunch of them where they you'd see the man in front of you coming though he comes he does it from behind oh Oh. Yeah. They're standing there in like a bus stop and he just kind of sidles up on them like from Seinfeld and like blows a load and literally one Mississippi, two Mississippi, it's done. It's done. And he's already turned away and he's putting the package away and he's making his getaway and it's all on film. I'm Steve-O and this is coming on a woman at a bus stop. Whore. Whore.

Stupid slut didn't even know I was about to cum on her, and then I did. You see her take that load? What a champ. What's wrong with you? I cannot believe this is a website I haven't heard of before. DickFlash.com. Can you believe that? This is a whole community there are tens of thousands of posts just talking about the one topic well i mean there are sub topics for

people who like to flash other men or just women or then just you know random recounting stories because we're just normal guys too who don't just do this, I'm trying to find another good one. Flashing mother-in-law. Yeah, I went to the women flashing and it was just porn, kind of. Mostly. Here's a guy. You want to

have your face in this, dude. It's this guy sitting in his truck. Blink it, I want to see his face. Yeah. This is so ridiculous. He's like, oh. Look at this character. Oh, this is ex-Hamster. This is Dick Flash.

No, but it was on Dick Flash. This is what they're talking about over there. This is a hands-free public cum. Horny guy, busting a nut at the bank. He's at the bank! He's writing a check the bank he's writing a check out he's sitting in his car in the like drive-thru teller window with no pants on writing a check and uh and i think a hard-on is blocked by his wrist oh there it is hard-on they have his money

in there he's got his face in the video oh you can see the teller and she's giggling at it no way yeah look at her she's behind that calendar i don't think she knows oh she knows oh my goodness i'm at about 40 seconds yeah yeah so she keeps looking over to her left, talking to someone. Her mouth is open and she's licking her lips. Her mouth is open. We should have watched this one in sync. I'm riding around where you are.

I'm at one minute, exactly. All right, tell me when you get to 120. I'm at one minute now, so. Okay, I'll get to 120 soon. In about 20 seconds. She's totally, totally looking at 109-ish. What's wrong with that guy's dick?

It's uncircumcised. Well, no, it's just like he looks like he's hard, but it's also like two inches long. He's somewhere. He's not gifted. No. Do you like large bills or small bills? I think I know.

Look at this. Oh, he's got a cock ring on too? He's got it on wrong. Hand on the fucking wheel waiting for his check. Playing with his dick. Dude, what a piece of shit. This guy's degenerate. Well, yeah.

Gee, the guy on Ex-Tampster is degenerate, you say? Hands-free public comment. Is he going to come, the guy on X-Tampster is degenerate, you say. Hands-free public comms. Is he going to come at the bank? Yeah, he's going to come. I'm at 150 now, sorry. How is he about to come? Well, the whole video is only 320. Let's skip ahead a little.

I'm going to go to 230. All right. Let's go to 230. Let's sync up. I'm at 230. Ready, set, play. This is sync up. I'm at 2.30. Ready, set, play. This is the worst thing we've ever done. We need to have guests on this show.

This is terrible. So he's gotten quite a bit harder at this point. He's poking at his dick at the base. He's looking at it. You see him look down at it? He's like pulling the top to make it stand up straight. And now he's waiting. Yeah, little fella. Oh. He's like pulling the top to make it stand up straight And now he's waiting Yeah little fella How is he going to hands free come This is a skill that I don't think I have

I thought I had the control over the thing But if he just explodes Right before he drives away With his hands on the wheel then I'm impressed We've only got 20 seconds left There's no way he blows his load in the next 20 seconds Looks like there's already cum on his steering wheel. Oh, did we miss it? There is cum on his steering wheel.

We skipped the load. Alright, I'm at 135. We need to go back and finish our research. Hold on, I'm going to go to the point where I notice it on the steering wheel. It's about to blow, think where are you there it is all right wait wait wait back in a few seconds and give me a time stamp go to two minutes this is why are we watching i don't know oh wait i'm at 202 ready set play oh i'm a few seconds behind I think Not for me yet He's just staring at his dick at the bank

Oh this is so funny Look at this maneuver he's doing Oh no Oh no Oh no No facial tell That guy would make one hell of a poker player He did not react He had the same face I have As he's ejaculating Just No facial tell. That guy would make one hell of a poker player.

He had the same face I have as he's ejaculating. Oh, my God. Nice and sunny out. Barbara's working that dirty whore. Oh, yeah. All right. Honey, you know there's mobile deposits now. You don't have to go to the bank for every check.

No, I'm going to the bank. Believe me, I just made a mobile deposit of my own. Oh, Jesus Christ, that's hilarious. What is going through his head? We've got to shift topics. Please. No, let's watch 40 more minutes. 40?

We've got like 240 left of the show. You actually made it weirder than where I was with dick flash Kyle well done that was on dick flash it was like there's a whole forum over there where they're like they're like linking up their uh their flashing videos like like

like there's a bunch of them it's them getting caught all kinds of shit I like to think that people are watching the video in the reflection on my golden play button just like right about there somewhere oh and here's just i clicked media and it's just a bunch of gross guys like wearing sweatpants in public oh oh god oh god what have i found here you guys never did this no no we didn't do this i put on underwear and and and pants i think i've told i don't think i did it myself because i always had it well by the time i was a junior in high school i always had

a girlfriend not earlier than that but um my friends were single and they would wear umbros which were popular at the time and a long t-shirt and then they'd like hook the umbros under their junk and when they lifted their arms they could flash people and uh and they would do that on the boardwalk in ocean city in front of hundreds of people a night and uh it just seemed funny at the time looking back i could see how maybe it would not be well received but um at the time though it is funny they're just like we're gonna go flash hundreds of people and you know not realizing until they get older like oh dear oh no right oh why did we do that that? Looking back, I don't know why. I can totally understand how a woman would feel victimized getting flashed,

but somehow not by my friends. No. They're just playful blokes. I think it's hilarious that every one of these little stories I'm reading about dick flashing at people is like, their rationale is like well i was at my house and the cleaning lady was there and so i pulled my penis out and started masturbating but she gave me a glance before looking away so i think she's on the best and it's like no all of

these women are just like oh please put your penis away oh i just want to clean not all of them so i've seen videos where this is the move right this is what this one creepy character would do he gets a hotel room he gets in bed he starts jerking it and he waits for housekeeping to start knocking at which point he puts on his headphones and he's just laying there jerking it when they walk in didn't you know, he can't hear him No, I didn't hear you knock still jerking it and then he's our Smith Why you be staring at door while you masturbate and they're like, oh, sorry. Sorry. I'll come back later and he's like no no go ahead bring the towels no big deal and Sometimes they do it

Sometimes they just come in the room and start picking stuff up while he still gently strokes at it. And one time, she blew him. I don't believe that. Is this a Fantasyland pizza delivery guy kind of thing? I don't think so. If it was, they chose to use an exceptionally grainy camera with a terrible angle and that audio that has a slight hum in the background. How you make it seem true i believe i have often wondered this if you were to catch a woman hypothetically you're single

everything's jilling off would she be very prone to almost anyone could you walk in as the house cleaner dude while she was jilling and she'd just be like you know what i'd take any dick right now no when girls get caught, they're terrified. And they freak out. And they scream. Just like men do. And they are not down. What if you were sympathetic to her horniness? I've caught girlfriends before, and we had a good laugh.

And then I fucked them. Right, right. But strangers is a different situation. Just like, you know what? I could use a dick right now. Maybe this is just... I think it's way more likely... I think that 100% of guys...

The American Pie scenario, I see. Yeah. Yeah, where he's fucking that pie, and then... No. No, you guys haven't seen American Pie? I don't remember the scene you're talking about. He walks in, and he catches that smoking hot exchange student masturbating in his bedroom

and then starts messing around with her. That's literally what happens. Well, American Pie is a well-known, accurate representation of college life. That's what I'm saying. First of all, what I learned from that movie is most people in college are between the ages of 28 and 34. Are you all going to be doctors?

What is this? There is a movie or a TV show, Fame. Do you guys know Fame? Are you even familiar with Fame, the TV show? I've never heard of it. It sounds like some ABC primetime shit. It is some old school stuff. But there was a school for talented youngsters.

It was a high school, but everyone was a singer and dancer. It sounds like a Glee ripoff now. Well, except that it was from like the 80s, right? So Glee would have to be a fame ripoff. But Glee was just the Glee club in a normal high school. This was a high school that you would hope to get into

because of your dancing or singing or piano playing or something like that. Anyway, everyone in that show was like 38 years old playing high school kids i hate that you know and when you actually see like kids that look age appropriate it like in uh i felt i know super bad they were older i know they were but they looked they looked gawky and young for the most part even though like um they are older than that but most of all what's the netflix fucking show

with the monsters and the little girl named Eleven and all that shit? Stranger Things. Oh, Stranger Things. Those kids are fucking children. Yeah. And when you see children play children,

you're like, oh shit, those are fucking children. It's not like I've been watching Gotham, like I said, and this is going to become a Gotham thing, but Catwoman is supposed to be like 14 or 15 and she's like 20. And I'm conflicted.

I'm like, Catwoman's got a nice ass arm. But wait, wait, wait. She can't drive yet. What? Wait, how old is she supposed to be? And I'm Googling, how old is fucking Catwoman in Gotham? My friend's like, oh, she's 21 now, dude.

It's okay. I'm like, well, what year was this taken? Oh, and what's funny is sometimes there'll be a high school, right? Everyone in the cast is like 27, except for one guy or girl who's like 17. And they stick out as what an actual young person looks like. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that.

It's terrible casting. And I think that Hollywood's going in the other direction nowadays. They're casting kids as kids. And it's noticeable when they do, and I, I think that the Hollywood's going in the other direction nowadays. They're casting kids as kids and it's noticeable when they do it. I like it. Like stranger things really sticks out to me as, as the prime example of that. Those are fucking children. Oh,

and it, it, did you see that? Don't I, I, I thought it was shit. Everybody, there are some people who liked it,

but my thing was big on Reddit. Yeah. Years ago or whatever. Yeah. They're just wrong. They're just wrong. I feel like, like,

like I just feel like they're wrong. It relies on jump scares and CGI. It's jump scares and CGI. And, uh, and I didn't care. I don't, that's,

that's not what I'm looking for in a horror movie. Uh, necessarily like the original, it is just, it's fucking scary. Cause, uh, Tim Curry is creepy as fuck.

And even the original is like three and a half, four hours long or something stupid like that. But this is condensed down to like 90 minutes of maybe two hours, but it still felt 30 minutes too long. I don't know. I didn't care for it at all. I watched a horror movie last night, and I'm not sure i know the name of it it's um first of all not that scary not really a horror movie it was kind of like groundhog day in that she relived the same day all the time and kept dying russian doll she was in a sorority and they kept killing her oh yeah uh get home home to you it's like oh they made they're made us

they're making a sequel of it yes and it's it's out now or i think i saw it yeah do you know what i'm talking about yeah i know exactly i tried to google it i didn't find what i needed it's um i i don't fucking know either i i don i i don't know the name about of it but is everything um whatever uh yeah i i know we sucked don't watch it not that you could because we don't know the name yeah right i i thought you would know well you do i haven't seen it i just know of it. A lot of movies I don't watch. I'm guilty of judging books by their cover

a lot of the time. I try not to watch too many stinkers. Especially in horror. It's kind of hard to weed through the horse shit and find a good horror movie. When you're looking for horror movies, you almost have to resign yourself to like. Happy Death Day.

There you go. Happy Death Day. I googled sorority horror movie Groundhog Day. That'll do it. Happy Death Day. It was really disappointing. I was looking for something that would have me actually scared, and at no point are you scared watching that movie.

Were there any titties? No, there were no titties. I don't know. That's where Hollywood should make two kinds of horror movies actual frightening psychologically based horror and slasher movies with titties that's those the only two kinds i ever want to watch it was like they were going for pg-13 i don't see their rating on here and they used to have a-list chicks get topless in there. Jamie Lee Curtis was always showing them big old perfect

boobies off in those movies. It was great. Yeah, and there were hot girls in it. The sorority she was in was like a top sorority and all of them were super hot and one of the key aspects of the movie is that she doesn't eat a cupcake.

But no boobs. I feel like the percentage of horror movies that are shitty is like five times as high as in any other genre of movie. Agreed. Yeah, it's there's a lot of reasons for that. One of them is sort of the entry

for like directors who are starting out because they're cheap to make and they can do really well. Oh never even thought about that yeah they're uh they're often very cheap to make but they can blow up and be very successful like the blair witch project or paranormal activity or any of those original slasher films very cheap to make but anything can be cheap to make rom-coms can be cheap, right? Yeah, but it's hard to make a rom-com go off without... You gotta have stars to pay. You can have

no-name actors getting slashed up left and right. I was about to say what made... What was the Tom Hanks one with the letters? You've got mail. No, no, no. Are you thinking of the notebook?

That wasn't Tom Hanks. That was what's his fuck? I think I'm thinking of you got mail, and it might have been Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Yeah, the emails, Meg Ryan. Yeah, and there's nothing about it expensive. Oh, except by the way, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are in it. Meg Ryan.

And it would have never been a hit if they weren't, so I get it. Yeah, that's the thing. But with slashers, you can have just, and oftentimes you make somebodies out of nobodies. Jennifer, what's the thing. But with slashers, you can have just... And oftentimes you make somebodies out of nobodies. Jennifer, what's the fucking girl who ever... She was in Passengers with Star- Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer Lawrence started out doing... Oh, yeah? I didn't know that. Last House on the Left, I think she's in that, where she gets raped real good and beat up, and then her parents catch the guys who did it and torture them to death and they microwave the one guy's head. I like Jennifer Lawrence. I've said this a million times, but

she's an athletic Hollywood actress and too often they move like models and she moves like an athlete. She's a fat-faced germaphobe that's weird and hasn't had sex in well over a year she says. She just seems like a no-fun kind of lady.

Her Stern interview made me think of her as just a real stick in the mud that you wouldn't want to be friends with. Counterpoint, I think I saw her diddle her own pussy in The Fappening, and I agree, kind of fat-faced, but hot enough. Look, she's

solid neck down. She's quite hot. Is she out of her prime now? I don't think I've seen her recently. It depends what role she's working on. They're like UFC fighters on way in day when they get naked on screen. Yes, which is cool to me. I don't know. There's something cool about that.

They are like UFC fighters on way in day. Your boy's not fighting Stipe, by by the way let me do an ad real quick no okay he's fighting that big black guy with Thor's hammer on his chest whose name escapes me that guy sounds cool right go ahead

ad time one of the most important things let me put this front and center so I can read it one of the most important things we do for our health every day is brushing our teeth, yet most of us don't do it properly. Quip is the new electric toothbrush that packs just the right amount of vibrations into a slimmer design at a fraction of the cost of those bulkier, traditional electric brushes. It also has a built-in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when it's time to switch sides.

I actually like this. At first, I was like, I'll figure it out. But sometimes in the morning, I'm so out of it when I'm brushing my teeth that I'm almost dozing off a little. I'm like, all right, all right, I'm still going. Helping guide a full and even clean, which is essential since up to 90% of us don't brush for a full two minutes or clean our teeth evenly. Quip's multi-use cover mounts to your mirror and unmounts to slip over your bristles for the on the go, for on the go brushing, allowing you to not only declutter your sink,

but to be ready for travel, but to be travel ready with your clip, your Quip. And because the thing that cleans your mouth should also be cleaned. Those brush heads from Quip's subscriptions are automatically delivered on a dentist-recommended schedule every three months for just $5, and Quip is one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by the American Dental Association, and it has thousands of verified five-star reviews.

That's why we love Quip and why they're backed by over 20,000 dental professionals. Quip starts at just $25, and if you go to getquip.com slash PKA right now, you can get your first refill pack for free with a Quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack for free. G-E-T-Q-U-I-P. That's getquip.com slash P-K-A. Check them out.

Jesus. And of course, this episode of painkiller ready is brought to you by, I almost clicked the wrong one. I want to do this one next. I don't know if my eyes are getting bad or if it's just, uh, this text is too small.

What, what size do you make your text? I don't know, but it would also be like monitor size and dots per inch dependent, right? Like it's like eight. And some of these, these reads, I can't read, but it would also be like monitor size and dots per inch dependent, right? I feel like it's like eight in some of these reads. I can't read eight very well. Control plus.

Let's talk about, I bumped that shit up to 14. I want to see it. Let's talk about sex. Good sex. Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go? You know, you drive into the bank, you're making a few deposits. Jesus Christ. Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed.

Listen up. BlueChew.com. That's blue like the color blue. BlueChew.com brings you the first chewable with the same FDA approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. You know it's the real deal and it's the stuff that works. You can take them anytime, day or night, even on a full stomach. And since they're chewable, they work up to twice

as fast as a pill. So you can be ready whenever the opportunity arises. Now, this isn't just for guys with dysfunction. I want to make that very clear. It's for any guy who wants extra function and to enhance their performance in the bedroom. Blue Chew is prescribed online and ships straight to your door in a discreet package. So no in-person doctor visits, no performance in the bedroom. Blue Chew is prescribed online and ships straight to your door in a discreet package, so no in-person doctor visits, no waiting in the pharmacy, and best of all, no more awkwardness. They're made in the USA, and since Blue Chew prepares and ships direct, they're cheaper than a pharmacy.

Much cheaper than a pharmacy, like a third the cost. I need to sit down with a calculator and work out all the ins and outs because the dosages are different between my actual prescription of Tadalafil and Blue Chew, and it's like odd numbers, but it's about a third the cost. Right now, we've got a special deal for our listeners. Visit bluechew.com and get your first shipment for free when you use our special promo code, PKA. You just pay $5 for the shipping. Again, that's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com. Promo code PKA to try it for free. Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice,

and we thank them for sponsoring our podcast and my bedroom. I can't tell you. Here we go. You know, I use a lot of our sponsored products. I can't tell you. Here we go. You know, I use a lot of our sponsored products. I really do. I've got Blue Chew and a Casper mattress and a Quip and Smart Mouse. Watches laying around. All real things.

All sorts of like cases and boxes and shit. And I really do wear the Movement sunglasses every day. Those are the ones I'm rocking these days. But I take these several times a week. Whenever I'm going to be active, I try to chew. I take two. I think the dose is just supposed to be one. But I take two.

No, it even says on there take one or two. Well, good. I was taking four. I wanted to see what what the limit was but i get really stuffy when i take four i feel like like the like i feel like i've got like a sinus i'm getting a sinus headache if i take four four is too many three is doable for me um but two is plenty two is plenty and that's about what my doctor was telling me to do i'm prescribed 20 milligram uh to dalafil and that's the way you should. There's Viagra and there's to Dalafill. Viagra is the, uh, sildenafil. That's the chemical name.

And to Dalafill is the chemical name for Cialis. I don't care for Viagra. I don't care for sildenafil. It always gives me headaches and light sensitivity. And, uh, and, and it's promoted as like, Oh, this is a instant boner. But the Tadalafil is just as fast in my experience. I take them about 45 minutes before you're going to get after it and you're good to go. And they seem to last for like a full 36 hours at least. I feel like 48 hours later, you're still feeling, oh, that's pretty effective.

I feel like we are at 105% of normal capacity. Yeah. So, yeah, check them out. It's cheaper than going to the doctor and going to the pharmacy, those glorified pill counter Nazis in there pretending to be doctors in their white coats

like they're doing science in there, acting like they're fucking some sort of actual scientist in there with beakers and stuff with all the skills required to thrive on Sesame Street there you go get the hell out of here

there's a guy on the internet how many dick pills does Kyle need three three dick pills for Kyle because he has used them for so long Kyle need. One. Ah. Ah. Ah. Two. Ah. Ah. Ah. Three. Three dick pills for Kyle. Because he has used them for so long, he is no longer capable of an erection independently. Hey. Hey.

That is not a side effect of any pill. I'm not even defending myself now. I'm defending our wonderful sponsor. All right, Taylor? I will not have you besmirched. They're good. How many natural boners has Kyle gotten in the last month? One. Twenty.

How dare you shame me? Dude, I've got to get off dickflash.com. I can't stop reading these. Close that link! I'm closing it. Oh, and speaking of dick pills, i saw something else that made me laugh today uh there's an article that zambia which is a country in africa that woody wants to go traipsing about in the air i think they uh they found they had an energy drink

called power natural high energy drink sx and we discovered that this drink has dick pills in it and so zambia get rid of them because we cannot make a functional nation when our dicks are just so hard i try to get up and go to work hard dick it is as hard as the day is long and i am zambian and so i have to finish first so i find the closest bald man and i actually this is, I got mixed up with my African thing because they caved their heads in with hammers, not to be fucking them. Why do they have Viagra in it? I can't figure it out.

I can kind of get how they'd put cocaine in it because that, you know, like, hey, you know, it's better than caffeine. Or methamphetamine. Okay, yeah, sure. I mean, Kyle, we should go into this i don't see how this could go wrong um yeah something like a little energy drink a little pick-me-up some meth some cocaine i could see how that could happen why viagra

if ever you're tired of drinking clean dirty water and also having a soft dick well yeah i am a i am zombie and entrepreneur and i bring to you my my drink and it will get you so not dirty water feeling and also make your dick very hard i wonder if they were advertising it as like a male virility type drink as well as energy because if you do that then it makes sense but i agree with woody i've never taken a viagra and and thought oh i really put some pep in my step it's like no i can study better with a hard dick that's like a stand-up in samibia he's like do you know that in america the energy drinks do not even make your dick hard yes i have also heard this of america what does viagra get you like you get a raging heart on and an urge to organize your itunes not at all no i get like i was saying i get light sensitivity and headaches it's awful i feel hung over and have to go to sleep like like Viagra, it's like, the sex was fine,

but now you've got to leave because I have a pounding headache. I need to take a bunch of aspirin and lie down in a dark room. I do not like it. Yeah, that sounds shitty. Yeah, it's awful. I've had no problems whatsoever with teladafil or whatever. Teladafil, yeah. The most I've taken though is two.

Because that was all recommended on there. Yeah. Oh, what I was saying earlier, I'm prescribed like these 20 milligram pills of teladafil, you know, from my doctor. And he was like, that's just the cheapest way for him to prescribe them to me.

He's like, yeah, just break them in half and then you take 10 at a time. And these are six milligrams each. So, you know, I'm getting 12 when I take two of these. So same difference. So much each. So I'm getting 12 when I take two of these. So same difference. So much cheaper. So much cheaper.

That prescription is $330 for six pills, 20 milligrams each. You can do the math. I have a story. I refuse. Do you know that a white man in America, they buy the dick pill online instead of simply finding an albino hair to steal from the market to eat and put in your energy drink. Don't they realize they could crush the bones of a midget instead? Do they not know the magical power of the midget? We've got to get off Bluetooth.

It's been 20, I don't know how long it's been, but we've got Bluetooth. People complain. People complain. FTC shuts down four robocall groups responsible for billions, with a B, illegal robocalls. They should get the punishment that those bear guys got from earlier. Even worse than that, because I get those each and every day, multiple times. What is your genre of robocall that gets you? I want to cruise. I get all sorts of cruise things i get

tons of student loan things where it's like you've pre-qualified for a student loan or you've qualified for this credit it's tied into the news they're like did you realize that trump is getting rid of obamacare and now you can get rid of your student loans and i'm like what the fuck i follow this they're not related at all yeah but that's that's not a hype like that's literally a thing they say and uh yeah and there's another news of like a big thing i don't know if it's the muller thing or not but but yeah they tie it into like oh the tax cuts that's what it was trump's tax cut plan means that i should reorganize my student. I never had student loans. People don't know.

What I really did is I paid as I went, and I found employers that had tuition reimbursement, so I didn't have to pay all of it. So yeah, I looked for employees with that benefit, and then I paid as I went, and that's how I paid to school. Yeah. I hate them. They're real. In modern life, we're pretty fortunate you know i i feel like we don't have that many actual inconveniences and this really

is a first world problem like mugambu flight lieutenant mugambu over there with his helicopter would be like oh the worst thing in your day you get a phone call from a pretty woman who tries to sell you a thing ah last week they chopped off both my hands i no longer can fly my helicopter like do you know that you can masturbate on the phone as the robot woman speak and she will never hang up on you yeah but but still i get you and like first world problems the key word in that is problem all There's still problems, and we're allowed to complain about them. And yeah, I fucking hate it because sometimes I take an afternoon nap. Maybe I'm a little tuckered out.

My sleep schedule is often this sort of weird thing where it's consistent, but it's not normal. Got a big offline raid tonight. Yeah, I like to stay prepared for that sort of thing. So maybe I go to bed at 4 in the morning and I wake up at noon. Eight hours of sleep, okay. And, you know, I'm up until maybe 7 p.m. And I like to get a little nap in.

You know, I've been up for seven hours today working hard. You know, maybe I mined up a lot of sulfur. You never know. Yeah. And if you call me during that nap, that key, I took one earlier. I feel refreshed as fuck. I feel so good after an hour nap. It's wonderful.

Right before the show, I had some fucked up dreams. Maybe we'll talk about that later. But I really hate being called during that nap. I can be abusive to the people, but it's not a real person. You're abusive to that robot, Kyle? Don't you go treating those robots like they're waitresses. It used to be a real person that you could insult. You'd be like, is this what you've chosen to do with your life?

Ruin people's evenings. You know, you could turn that card on them. But now, it's a machine. I think you can get to a person if you act like you want to buy, maybe. I've never gone that route. That's what they want. Well, next thing you know, you're signing up for a timeshare. Kyle, if you

waste an hour of your time, you might waste 20 minutes of theirs. Ugh, fuck those people. That's how time zones work. I'm glad they did. About those people. For every minute in India, three minutes pass here.

I called California to find out who won the game. I had this weird dream where I was in part of some sort of a cult. And that tall guy from Babe, the movie with the talking pig. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cromwell, I think. Yeah. Walter Cromwell, maybe? Anyway, he's like... James Cromwell. James Cromwell. Thanks, I think. Yeah. Okay. Walter Cromwell, maybe anyway, he's like James Cromwell,

James Cromwell. Thanks. Yeah. He's like in bed and I'm standing at the foot of the bed and all of his, and he's like the cult leader. And I've done something that the cult doesn't like. I don't even know what it is, but they're,

they're judging me. I'm being judged. And he, he gets out of bed and he starts painting my head with chicken blood or something like that. And I'm like, I think shit's about to go poorly. And I'm like, you know, God told me in a vision

that I had been judged and that we were cool now. And I'm hoping that he'll be like, really? You saw the Lord in a vision? But no, he's not buying it at all because because you know he's a cult leader he doesn't believe in god he believes in fucking underage girls that's what cult leaders do and he starts dragging me toward this wall where there's

like manticles you know like there's those metal cuffs with chains like they're about to chain me up and like kill me and i see there's a shotgun in the corner it's like an old-timey double barrel with the hammers that pull back and so i get that and i'm just trying to threaten him but some crazy lady is coming at me with a sickle so i blast her just give her one of the barrels and then that made james cromwell i mean he was already six six but he must have grown to like seven six between me blasting the lady with the sickle and looking back toward him and now he's like really coming at me. So I blast him too. And I run for the door.

And this has upset a whole mess of cult members. You're out of barrels. I'm also out of barrels. I think it's funny that your dreams are realistic with ammunition. Either the gun doesn't work at all. Or it works exactly like it's supposed to. It's one or the other. There are no magical guns.

There's no magical guns. So I run toward the door and there's like an umbrella stand full of guns. And I'm like, well, thank you very much. I get one of those magic guns that doesn't work very well though.

And every time I cock the lever, sausages are coming out the top. Like little red wieners are popping out. And I'm like, well, maybe I'll shoot a wiener at them. And I close it, and it just gets all mushed up in the mechanism. Because it's a fucking wiener, not a bullet. And I've really overplayed my wiener gun card. Like when I saw three or four cult members coming, I was i'm here boys quick oh shit that's full of little smokies there's little smokies everywhere there's juice and they both have real guns they both immediately go to their trucks and

wadham comes out with like a submachine gun and at this point i'm resigned to my fate in the dream and my thought process is if i antagonize them enough they'll kill me quickly because it seemed like torture was the punishment of the day just a few minutes ago with those manticles and such and the chicken you just killed james cromwell yes just took him out and so i was like i was like well do it then i'm not afraid and one of them like lights me up with a submachine gun but i'm still alive and it hurts it hurts in the dream it hurt real bad like it felt like getting shot in the back with a paintball gun or something and i was like you better reload and i look in the other guy like

this fat fucker has like a gigantic light machine gun and he starts shooting the lower half of my body only and like to torture me so like so like I dropped down and try to put my head into the spray of bullets and, and, and I'm just getting massacred, but I'm just laying there and not dying. Like I know I should be dead, but it's a dream. So I'm just laying there like,

I'll just pretend like I'm dead and they'll leave me alone. And, and, and then I, I, I woke up and I was terrified and I was breathing real hard. And that was like 40 minutes before we kicked off the show. Dude, you've got very...

First of all, I feel like you have a lot of nightmares. Oh, yeah. Like a high percentage of your dreams are nightmares. I literally, I can't remember the last time I had a nightmare. I have a nightmare every night. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, that sucks. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, something freaky happened to me the other day. I was, I was like, I don't know, maybe like 8 a.m. or something a week, week and a half ago. And we were waking up on the weekend. My girlfriend and I, and I had woken up first and I like got up, like got a drink of water and laid back down and like tried to get that like extra you know 40 minutes of sleep when you're still tired in the morning and she was still totally conked out and she sat up in like that creepy way that people like still dreaming do

yeah she goes so she goes taylor taylor you're covered in blood oh god you're covered in blood. Oh, God. You're covered in blood. And then she laid back down and fell asleep. And I was like, what? So I woke her up later and was like, do you remember waking up and telling me I was covered in blood? So where's she staying now? No, she's in the basement. A manacle. Yeah. But she's like, I just woke up and I looked over and I saw you

and you were just covered in blood and blood was spurting out of your chest and I was like wow and so you just went back to bed like you saw that and then you just went back to bed you didn't even try to like help me she's like I don't know I was just trying to go back to bed but so now I know if I am ever bleeding to death in the middle of the night,

she's not going to fucking wake up. No, no, you better apply your own sutures. It's should. Yeah. I have very vivid dreams and I, I remember them,

uh, pretty accurately, uh, almost, almost all the time. And there'll be long, long, long narratives.

And I've always wondered what the time, um, dilation is like the real time elapse versus the dream. I've always wondered what the time dilation is like. Like the real time elapse versus the dream. I've always wondered that too. Yeah, I don't know if it's one-to-one or if dream time is condensed. Like if I'm experiencing an hour in my dream in five minutes of real world time,

I bet there's some sort of neurologist who could answer that question, maybe by looking at brainwave patterns while you're asleep or something. A recurring nightmare i had when i was younger it was like it was the shortest dream much less nightmare i've ever had and it was like i get it like once every few months but it was it just started with me being late for school and my mom is already outside in the car you know in driveway, not in the garage anymore. Like, Taylor, come on, we're late, we're late, we gotta go.

And I'm running out there with my backpack and my lunchbox, and I hit the button to close the garage door, and I run to try and dive through the garage door, like you have to do so you don't get the sensor and cause it to reopen. But I trip first, fall, and the garage door comes down and crushes my head and pops it like a grape.

And I die. And that's the whole dream. Damn. It's like 30 seconds of, Taylor, you're late. Taylor, you're late. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm going to be late. Run out, trip, head crushed.

Yeah. My dad and I have similar nightmares in that we often, if we're running from a thing, we're sort of running in quicksand and like our very uncoordinated very uncoordinated with our running and so like it'll get to the point where you're grabbing onto walls or the floor and pulling yourself along yeah like like like to stay coordinated and uh and the other one is if you're dealing with a monster and trying to

use a firearm uh to like to like shoot the monster or the bad guy or whatever it is the the bullets don't work like you can't find the right kind of bullet like it's like a coffee can full of like 22s 9 millimeters 45s 40s 357s and you've got like a 308 hunting rifle and you're like fuck none of these fit this and so you're like putting the 40s in one pocket and the nines and another hoping you might stumble upon like one of those guns later on it's it's a lot like playing rust and now you're just collecting various pieces to the puzzle and uh but the guns the the bullets will often turn to mush or chocolate and that's the thing that actually it's interesting because that's a dream a lot of people have it's even displayed once in the sopranos when uh tony soprano is having this uh this this fever dream about killing his football coach or

fantasizing about doing so he didn't actually kill him in the show uh his bullets turn to chocolate and his coach is like see you're unprepared and that's what that joke that's that's in many ways what those dreams are sort of expressing i believe believe that dreams mean things. It's your subconscious doing a thing for you. It's about your fears of inadequacy or your fears of unpreparedness, stuff like that. Actually, the nightmare I can think of that I have had in the last few years, and this seems like 90% of my nightmares are just this at this point. It is anything happening where i lose all my teeth yeah like all my teeth will fall out and i'll like those are the only ones where i'll wake up in

the morning and be like oh yeah okay it was a dream mine i still got my fake fucking teeth i had one a while back where the cap came off one of my tooth that's that's had a root canal and i looked and it was full of maggots like the inside of my tooth that's had a root canal and I looked and it was full of maggots like the inside of my tooth and the gum through the hole in the middle of the molar was full of maggots have you ever had a dream where it's like so boring that you're surprised

by it where like you'll be I remember when I was much younger I had a long dream about waiting in line at an amusement park and I woke up when we were about to get on the ride and I remember being like what When I was much younger, I had a long dream about waiting in line at an amusement park. And I woke up when we were about to get on the ride. And I remember being like, what? No, no, no.

I got to force myself to go back to sleep. I was about to be on the ride. Yeah, you never got on the ride. Like it was about to be. But you can never get yourself back into the same dream ever. Sometimes. I have this issue where sometimes I feel like I didn't do my homework. I must have school PTSD, where I'm just completely unprepared for the class.

And the feeling of dread and the weight of the pressure, it's all so real. Yeah, we all have trauma from our education, but the way the system is set up, it's such a fear. Like I can remember it happening, actually happening where i get to class and it's not that i didn't want to do the homework i forgot it i forgot there was homework i didn't write it down on my agenda and it's like well shit it's just this this fucking heart

dropping out of your chest feeling of just like oh this is going to be embarrassing and i'm going to get a zero there's nothing worse you can get obviously and it's like that scars you i like i was a bad student so it was like the night before i didn't prioritize it and now i pay the piper and and i still do apparently yeah it's so funny you were a bad student because like it just doesn't click with me at all like knowing you the entire time i've known you i never would have pegged you as a bad student unless you let off with those stories yeah yeah and i just like the night before i'd i would do nothing i'd watch tv shows when there were reruns on and then not have my shit

together the next day at school it seems like you were almost spitefully bad at school where it's like yeah i've got nothing to do and i'm bored and i'm actually a little bit interested in the ancient roman empire but fuck you i'm not gonna read about it yeah i just i don't know it like it's almost like exercise and that you know that if there are days probably you don't want to exercise but once you start doing it then you know you just kind of have to break that seal and then everything is fun and it's actually not bad that's how homework was and i would just not do it just not not open not unzip the backpack and that would be where it was i was the total opposite like when i would get to school and you'd be like hanging out before school or at lunch or something and a friend would be like ah i didn't even do my math homework last night.

And I'd be like, what? What do you mean, you just didn't do it? You mean you had something you had to get done for school and you just didn't do it? Aren't you stressed out? Aren't you really, really worried and stressed? Like, it never... Well, yes, I am, all of those things.

Yet somehow last night it seemed like the right call. What were you like in school, Kyle, as far as a student? Were you shitty? Were you more middle of the road? Pretty shitty. I would do the work in class, like early in the morning. A lot of times with homework, I would do it in the first period. Especially if the first period wasn't that class.

If math was third period, but first period wasn't that class you know like if math was third period but first period was like fucking horticulture or uh or or even better if it was metals like welding or shop that that was great it was almost a reason never to do homework like like and i would try to set my schedule up like that so that my first class of the day was something where i could just fuck off and like like there was no participation required because it was like, well, no, I don't,

I got the afternoon free because in the morning I'm either going to sit out by a burning barrel of trash like everybody else does or weld if I want to or go to sleep, you know, you could catch up on sleep in that class. That was great. Or do your homework. And I,

I'd usually just do my homework in there. Oh, was that study hall? No, that was great. Or do your homework. I'd usually just do my homework in there. Was that study hall? No, it was welding. I didn't have any classes like that. That was it. So, when you become an adult... It took eight years of welding. Eight semesters.

Eight semesters of welding. When you become an adult, you issue this sort of report card on your parents on how well they raised you. And one of the mistakes my parents made, I felt like, was keeping me out of all the wood shops and metal shops and such. It would have made school suck a lot less. I would have really enjoyed that. There's skills that I had to learn on my own as an adult. Like it would have been – I don't know if they even still offer that sort of thing.

I feel like they don't. Oh, yeah. Really? At, um, at my high school, um, they, uh, they had a lot of ways of raising money. I've talked about this at length before, so I won't go too in depth with it, but my high school was profitable. Their elective classes were their agriculture department. Um, there was a horticultural department. They sold flowers in green. They grew them in greenhouses with student labor. You know, you were learning horticulture department. They sold flowers. They grew them in greenhouses with student labor. You were learning horticulture. Then you sold them.

They made a ton of money. They had a catfish farm where they had indoor catfish troughs. They grew catfish. Well, every couple months they'd have a catfish fry, and everybody would come and pay $8 a plate for a fried catfish and some French fries. And they had the welding department. They would make cattle trailers, like big

cattle trailers that you'd normally pay $18,000 for. Well, shit, they could make one for $4,500 worth of steel and some student labor. How did you not learn how to weld in all those welding classes? It wasn't required. Nothing was required. I took two years of Italian

and seven years of Spanish. I can't speak either of those languages. Let me try I took two years of Italian and seven years of Spanish, and I can't speak either of those languages. Let me try to describe a day of metals class. And you show up. You go down there. Everybody sits in their chair. The girls who took the class, they got office jobs, basically. They took attendance, and they kept up with the grade book.

The teacher didn't do anything. He welded. He was making projects to make money to fund the welding department. That guy's cool as fuck. I know that guy real well. I played poker at his house for years. Great guy. Love that guy.

Good friend. Nice guy. He doesn't do anything. He works. He's a welder. He's not a teacher. He's a welder. He's a farmer.

This is his side hustle as a full-time teacher. It a welder he's a farmer you know he's he's got this is his side hustle as a full-time teacher you know it really is like like he owns a big chicken farm he owns a cattle operation like um if there was a student who was had who was like i had a troubled home life he'd be like look i've got a single white trailer that's kept over on my farm come live with me you can come you can live in that trailer. Um, you can, and when, when you get off from school, you go work in the chicken house for two hours and that'll be your rent. How about that? You get in any trouble, you're out. And he did that for several kids. Like, like, like when I was going through high school and it was really helpful for them because

they had, you know, abusive or alcoholic parents at home and shit like that. But you'd show up in the metals class, you'd go and you'd sit in your desk, they would take the roll call. And then that was it. Disperse. Now you can go over there and you can go in the shop room and get a welding helmet and some gloves and some welding rods. And you can go cut some chunks of steel to weld together to practice and learn actual welding technique. If you ask the teacher to help you and teach you a technique, he absolutely will come over and be like, do it like this and that. And you can weld all day, every day if you want. Or you can use the machine shop. You can use the drill presses and the CNC machine. We never had anything like this. This was a multi-million dollar classroom. There's 20 welding machines,

eight MIG machines. What were you welding? What was like what would an example of a project like a birdhouse, a metal birdhouse, a cattle trailer that you would put like 20 cows in and drag and attach to a pickup truck, like a full size cattle trailer. Oh, so like the whole class was getting together, like doing work on big projects,

like getting that. Those were the big projects. But if you, as an, if I was doing something for practice, I would just chop pieces of flat steel and I would weld them together with various techniques. And I could do that all day with as many supplies as I wanted. Or I could put my head down in the desk and I

could sleep for the next hour and a half. Or I could go outside and fuck off. You know, I could just mess around outside in the back, in the back parking lot. And like in the winter, we would have like a barrel fire burning the extra wood from the the woodshop class which was the same thing by the way do you want to learn masonry because we're going to do masonry today we're all going to build little brick walls you don't we'll go take a nap you know like it's not a big deal you want to come with us down to the football field we're gonna we're gonna refurbish the the football stands oh you don't take a nap or don't you know you could do whatever you wanted and you were still going to geturbish the football stands. Oh, you don't? Take a nap. Or don't. You know, you can do whatever you want,

and you're still going to get the same grade. That is not the tone of any of my classes. It was never, if you don't like this, take a nap. I got in trouble once in history. Okay, I deserve to get in trouble for this a little bit, but, like, you know those old school ACs they'd have in the back of classrooms that made a bunch of noise,

and if you lifted the top, you could like the whirring uh engine of it yeah like i remember dropping a pen in that engine at one point because like me and my buddy were in the back of ancient history and we'd taken it off and we like we're taking like little erasers you drop it in there and you'd see it get torn up by the the engine thing we're like that's funny let's drop this paper in there taylor stop that you know oh sorry uh you know sorry mr stevens and then i remember i dropped like a pen in there and i remember the feeling of fear after it got sucked down in most of the way and then it just went and i was like just just go just go down the rest of the way please just go down the rest of the way

and so no it broke it and then i had to get a pink slip which uh was the way they were supposed to punish you but this fucking retard was like all right tay come up here I'm writing you a pink slip now you take this to the vice principal and you give this to her so she'll punish you and I was like yes yes sir mr. Stevens I'll go do that right now and I just took it and threw it away so yeah I had a great experience like the woodshop class I was what i was getting at is these classes made money and like that money went back into the the classroom and the class got bigger and it made more money to go back in the classroom and then we also of course had state funding so like it was an incredible machine shop like with two big metal lathes like bigger than

the metal lathes that i personally own, two big CNC-controlled drill press machines and all these fabrication tools and all these big presses to chop and bend metal and torches and a TIG welder and multiple MIG welders. Their big projects, like I said, would be like cattle trailers. And then they'd just turn an auction thing off for tens of thousands of dollars. And then, then shit now we can buy two more mig welders and they just go again and then in woodshop they would build like gazebos and uh and sheds for people's backyards same thing you know i mean it sounds like fun

it was fun yeah i did a little bit of carpentry um i would help build the uh gazebos and shit i'd hammer a few nails and put on some shingles and but uh i just didn't really get into the welding thing i didn't like it very much it was you get burnt a lot you know it i was always afraid of getting zapped you know because people were pranksters and one of the things about using a tig welder it seemed like they could like disconnect the clamp that was on the table and put it onto your chair and ground you out and electrocute you. And which seemed to me like maybe someone could die, but I guess you can't,

you just get zapped, you just get zapped in the ass real bad. And people would do that sometimes to people. And I, and I was like, that's never happened to me because I'm never going to TIG weld. And I never did. So yeah,

it was a real cool class. It was, it was literally as much or as little participation as you wanted and the deal was don't fuck up and everybody will be cool how do you get an a in this class is he just handing a's to everyone yeah a's to everyone that'll help your gpa sure yeah i loved those classes just the a's for everybody courses yeah a's for everybody i had an a for everyone course uh you could dip in class. Gym is A for everyone. All you have to do is participate.

Our gym, one, there were tests based on the rules of the sport that you were playing at the time. And two, there were heavy penalties for forgetting your gym clothes. So if you forgot your shirt or shorts, it was like eight points off. So like two of those and you're fucked like eight points off your final grade i remember i've talked about before how uh the freshman when i was a senior in gym i would wear his clothes sometimes like the way too small clothes you were a dick flasher not in a bullying way no it wasn't a wasn't a public dick flashing. I don't know. You screwed them hanging out. Yeah. You told us.

You're right. I did have a cock ring on, and I lubed myself up in my silk pants. Could you no hands come in these? Hey, I'm Taylor, and this is no hands come in gym. I'm especially risky because I'm actually up in kickball right now. Everybody's looking at me. Shit, what was I wearing? You wore the small clothes in gym class.

I make it sound worse than it was. He laughed about it too and he knew that he wouldn't get in trouble. The guy giving me the clothes to wear every once in a while is a goof. But I, a couple times like i genuinely did need his clothes for the same reason you said where it was like i actually did forget today this isn't for the the joke like and i can't i you know i can't do that you've got extra stuff let

me wear that he was like okay but only if you let me cheat off you on the final and i was like okay the gym final the the gym what does he hold your shirt while you run the mile yeah and so and i was like okay the gym final the the gym what does he hold your shirt while you run the mile yeah and so and i was like yeah the g you are you serious like is it even worth doing that why would you and i remember like as the final i thought he was like more being tongue-in-cheek because who would need to cheat on gym final it's just you write down the rules of volleyball or soccer there's quarter pieces oh Oh, it was so easy. We did not have a final day. This guy was not trying to fucking fool you with a trick question about lacrosse.

And so we got in there one day, and we're all laying on the ground in the gym floor, like taking it on our bellies the way like a girl would write her journal on her bed. Kicking your feet. Yeah, kicking my feet up. And I was doing it, and this this kid comes and he like sits down like way too close to me and i was like what the fuck is going on with this guy like what are you doing and then i realized he's cheating oh he's actually cheating off of me on the gym final this poor guy was dyslexic taylor and our teacher cared so little that I finished the test, kind of sat there for a minute,

and he was taking too long to copy. And so I was just like, just turn mine in when you go up too. And I left. Oh, a quick thing I just remembered. The welding teacher, like if shit got out of hand, like I'm trying to think what it would take to do it. Smoking, he'd make you eat the cigarette. Dipping, if you spit in the floor, you have to swallow that dip.

You spit in a bottle, this is like when you put your beer inside a brown paper bag. A man's beverage is his own business, as they say. And so you could spit in your dr pepper bottle and cool as and but people would up and and everybody on in your desk in your desk and everybody's sitting the desk and be like look i've i don't know why i have to say this again there's two ways we can do this we're supposed to spend every other day in this class in those books. And he'd point to a bookcase full of books that none of us had ever seen before.

Full of welding shit. Teaching you how to weld and do machine workery. I opened one once. It looked terribly complicated. All these like 45 this is at a 15 degree angle and a figure eight pass.

And that's your first pass. Be sure to use argon gas. And I'm just like, fuck that. This is my nappy class. We're supposed to spend every other day in those books doing paperwork. And then I'm supposed to be grading that paperwork. Nobody wants that, do they? Anybody want that? Let me know anybody nobody right don't you spit

in my floor you spit in my floor you're gonna be in those books and and everybody yeah yeah come on thomas don't fucking spit in the floor man it's like he's letting you shoot tobacco we've got it you know you ruined it for everyone then you get the students to come down on the piers yeah and that would be about as bad as it got you know a fight would happen i remember well like like a fight happens right there in the middle of the of the like facility like it's kind of an open floor kind of thing and they're going at it they're they're they're wailing on each other and it's a stand-up fight they're not like clenching up like one guy pops the other in the eye and the other guy returns the favor and they're going at it. They're wailing on each other. And it's a stand-up fight. They're not, like, clenching up. Like, one guy pops the other in the eye, and the other guy returns the favor,

and they're both getting a little beaten up. And it's been going on for a good 45 seconds, which is pretty long for a high school brawl. And Mr. Ert, the teacher, is over there watching. And he's just like, I'm like, aren't you going to do something about it? And he's like, well, let's let them get it out of their system. If we don't, they're just going to fight in the parking lot after school. And it goes on for another 30 or 40 seconds, and they're pretty tuckered in.

He's like, all right, all right. That's enough. That's enough. You boys done? Yeah. Yeah, I'm done. How about you? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm done. I'm done. You know what? I bet they started liking each other because that happens in fights. Oh, no. Okay. Okay. Because sometimes you get into it like that, especially a long one that goes a couple of minutes.

And afterwards, it's like, I just developed a lot of respect for my peer over here. Yeah, it was a silly fight. It was one of those things where, like, if they hadn't been teenage boys, there wouldn't have been a fight. Like, one big fucking honking guy named Dylan had had pushed uh the friend of a smaller guy named ben and ben had just been like not today bitch and just wailed on him and and picked a fight with a much larger opponent than he ever should have there is a guy in my school who did that and he i i've tremendously his name is chris pastizzi And you don't fuck with Crispus Dizzy. It doesn't matter if you're two years and 80 pounds older, he'll make you pay, right?

You might win. But like, there's, it happened in, so in our school, there were like these, what is it called when a cattle, when the cows all get like into a single file. I thought Kyle would know this instantly. But yeah, make it a toll booth. It doesn't matter. You get a wide area and they go – what did you call it? A cattle run? Or like you're moving them a long distance?

Yeah, but there's a term for it when they go from wide to narrow, and I forget it. Oh, I don't know. But anyway, it was that. And everyone's wearing backpacks. I don't know if people still do that. And it just made it kind of like impersonal you could like push the guy in front of you's backpack if you wanted them to hurry up meanwhile you're outweighed by like 50 pounds getting pushed against someone in front of you it's not your fault but you're in a weird position now and what are you gonna do there's a giant behind you and like a girl who you're trying not to be pushing in front of you, but now you are.

And welcome to underclassmen at Ocean City High School. Well, not if you're fucking Chris Bastizzi. Chris is like, don't you dare touch my backpack. And the upperclassman is like, but this is what we do. No. Chris turns around and like just big old hook across the guy's jaw. Kablam.

That's the guy's super hard. And then it turns into an actual fist fight. That seems kind of even. And, uh, Chris studied karate since the time he was born. I don't know if that gave him the technique or the confidence, but whatever it was,

don't fuck with Chris. Best dizzy technique or the confidence but whatever it was don't fuck with chris pastizzi shout out to chris pastizzi a really cool probably a wop guy who defended himself yeah yeah that's very respectable good for you chris i hope that you're not dead they say you know i'll stand up hit your bully in the nose he's actually a coward no no aren't. Well, they're kind of cowards in that they're picking on people much smaller than them. But that doesn't mean you can just hit your giant bully in the nose and then you'll be winning from there on out. That is such a fantasy land where they'll be like, hey, that guy who's got more testosterone group and grew way quicker and is stronger and his hands are the size of your face

he's just a he's just a pussy you go up there and you thump him right in the forehead you say i will not stand for this sir and then watch i'll be you i'll owe you five dollars if he pummels you into a pulp on the floor in front of all your friends and humiliates you and all the girls make fun of you at their sleepovers behind your back. That won't happen because he's... Oh, God. Have you guys seen The Wire? Yes. Remember the season where they're on the docks

and it's the dock workers and everything and there's that skinny little rat of a fucker who's like a drug dealer and shit and he's... Anyway, he's got a problem. He's skinny as fuck. He's like maybe drug dealer and shit. Anyway, he's got a problem. He's skinny as fuck. He's like maybe 130 pounds or something. And he's got this beef with a big boy who's like maybe 6'2", 230,

and a solid, thick-chested kind of guy. And all the dock workers are like, you can take him, Rizzy. You can take him. He's all talk. And for days, they pump him up like that like like you're a legend of the docks you're a legend of the docks just go over there give him your best shot deck him call him a pussy and walk away and he's like you think so he's like

look he's like he looks looks pretty stout to me. He's like, nah, his clothes are just big. That's all. Like this guy's a scarecrow who's just using big clothes. He wears two shirts. This little fucker walks right up behind him and like gives him a hook to the ribs. And the big boy just turns around like, fuck and just pummels him beats him down and then puts him on a lift and lifts him and puts him on top of a like a big stack of shipping containers and leaves him up there and he goes anybody lets him down i kick their ass and now this kid's up there he's like what the fuck everybody's pointing and laughing at him like

yeah that's the situation like sometimes size fucking matters my my wife got picked on on the bus and uh she was a freshman i think and the girl that picked on him was a junior but i'm trying to paint a picture here right you've got little jackie what color would you use to paint this picture? A brown picture. She was Hispanic. But then you've got Jackie. Now, Jackie weighed 105 pounds when I met her in college, right? So you can only imagine what freshman Jackie looked like, this beanpole of a girl. And then her bully was just, I don't know, Rosarita or something.

Just finished puberty, junior, overweight, and just – Jackie, to this day, says she never said anything, but she got in her head. Oh, yeah. She got in her head that Jackie said something negative about her and then later learned that she didn't and kind of apologized but tormented her on the bus for the longest time. And Jackie told her father about it, and her father gave her permission to hit her.

Oh, problem solved, Dad. Yeah, Jackie never hit her. That's the fantasy bullshit that too many adults put out there. Let me tell you. I know I keep going back to Gotham because it's in my world right now. There's a scene in Gotham where very young Bruce Wayne is in his reform school or whatever. And his mother's been killed, right? It's the Batman story.

And someone says, your mother must have been a real freak to make a freak like you or something like that. You know, something terrible about his dead mother. And he slaps the guy and the guy beats him up. And he comes outside and Alfred's like, what happened? And he's like, someone said something very disrespectful about mother. He's like, well, I hope you showed him what for. And he's like, I tried, but I don't really know how to fight. And he's much bigger than me.

And he's like, ah, well, we're going to have to take care of it then. You know that, right? Honor's at stake. And Bruce is like, yeah, I guess we do. And so Alfred drives him to the kid's house, and he opens the door of the Rolls Royce, and Bruce gets out, and he's a little kid. He's like 12, 13 at this time, and he says,

is he? Was your father's watch? Don't lose it now. And I'm like, what the fuck has he given him this badass rolex for he's giving bruce wayne the watch alfred's giving yeah okay yeah so bruce goes up to the door of this this like big brownstone rings the doorbell there's the bully wait he's taking him to the bully's house and the kids like what what do you want? And you look, and Bruce has the watch like brass knuckles. And he just starts beating the dog shit out of the bully,

like every time he punches him. Gives him like six good wallops. And Malfoy comes in, all right, Master Bruce. I'm like, that's enough. Looks like the young chap's learned his lesson. Haven't you, son? Now just remember, if there's another lesson to be taught, I'll be the teacher.

Come on, Master Bruce. Let's go have a snack. It's great. Can we watch this scene? There's no music in it, right? No, no music. So this is the scene from The Wire that I was referring to a few minutes ago. I dig this a lot.

The Wire is very good. Wonderful show. I need to watch it. Dude, get after it. I've never heard a bad word about The Wire. It's in HD now, so it's restored for your television. Oh, you ready? I'm ready.

Ready, set, play. Ham and cheese sandwich and one of them frappuccino drinks. Oh, you know what it is? What? Frappuccino? What the fuck is that? It's your pussy, Zig. Cold cockin'.

Take him, Zig. What's the time? Is there some reason he dislikes the big guy outside of the Frappuccino? Yeah. Big guy's been picking on him a lot. Okay, just not yet. But rightfully so, because Ziggy's a real tool. Just like a child. It looks like a grown man has a child. Look, look, look.

He just picks him up! He got off kinda easy. Yeah. Yeah. He's the boss's son. So he just gets smacked a little and embarrassed. He's screaming bad advice yeah yeah I would side more with the big boy

if you've watched the series if you watch like because that Ziggy guy was a real piece of shit just an absolute scumbag just he was everybody else is working hard, working their balls off and trying to get enough hours. It's a union job and there's not enough hours

to go around and poor people. He'd go and sell a bunch of crack cocaine and then be burning $100 bills at the bar and shit. Just a real scumbag. Fuck him. That guy's no Chris Pastizzi. No.

No. Chris didn't deserve a backpack push or whatever happened to him i've got hbo i'm gonna start this you put up with shit dude you're gonna love it you're absolutely gonna love that show um it's it's one of the best shows ever made it's definitely like top three for me it might be my favorite it's really good i for me i really love the first season or two and then stop loving it as much that may be the third season there um yeah um it it every season is like a different flavor of ice cream like like uh the first season is like the drug trade um drugs are central to the whole show but that scene where he teaches him how to play chess is amazing yeah yeah that's good yeah um but but like it bounces around there's a season that's nothing

but like politics and sort of that you you deal with a mayoral uh race there in baltimore um then there's a uh i think that also might be the school system season where uh you know you're in the school system seeing the what the kids you know, you're, you're in the school system seeing the, how the kids are like in fucking Baltimore. It's terrifying. Uh, you know, people's faces getting slashed and people getting shot as children.

It's, it's, it's wild. It's very good show. You'll like it. I've got a new topic. Plenty of titties. Hey,

man stole $122 million Man stole 122 million dollars 122 million dollars From Facebook and Google By sending them random bills Which the company dutifully paid Dude What a smart guy, good for him Is that legal?

No Of course it's not legal to send people bills It depends what he says the bill is for For being a dumb retard It's fraud to give someone a bill For services that they're It depends what he says the bill is for. For being a dumb retard. It's fraud to give someone a bill for services that they're... That were never rendered. That were never rendered, yeah. And I guess it's interesting.

What if you just sent them a bill for nothing? Send them a bill for watching Seinfeld or something. Look, I did watch it, I swear. What if you sent them one that was like, a bill for the human fund? So he did some. Or like a made-up charity. Money for people.

Money for people. So he registered a company in Latvia with the name Quanta Computer Inc., which is a real company, a Taiwanese hardware manufacturer. So they would justifiably think that this Latvian company that they were that was billing them was maybe quanta and i used to work in accounts payable and receivable for this uh

it was called railroad construction company they made roads and railroads and man you get so many bills the easiest thing in the world to do is just pay them. You go through your due diligence. You try to match what we call receivers with like the materials and go through it and not pay for anything that they didn't actually do. But God, like I would get in a lot of trouble if a bill wasn't paid. So sometimes if there was no receiver, you're just like, well, fuck, I can't have my company skip out on it. I could see why this works. You got to pay your bills or you're an ass so especially if you were to get your fakery in during like a transitional period for whoever's in accounts receivable or whatever like like you

know if dave's been there for five years and all of a sudden there's a latvian subsidiary of a taiwanese company that he's never heard of he might be like we don't get our processes made in latvia but if if someone's new to the job they're like oh latvia oh is that one of the baltic nations it'd be funny if like the reason they got discovered is some guys like latvia that that's not even a real country so they pursue it for the wrong. A hundred. What if he had stopped at a hundred million or even like five? Five. Yeah. Yeah.

I was thinking today I had this analogy in my head. I feel like millions of dollars are a little bit like hamburgers to a hungry person. Right. If you give someone a million dollars or if you get your first million and you're it's great. Like you're it's great like you're it hits the spot suddenly you're not living week to week suddenly like bills go like the grocery store if you buy your groceries it changes from like oh my god what's the damage to oh my god how long is this going to take right that's what one hamburger gives you the second one better you know

like yeah two hamburgers is better than one. Three hamburgers, ah, really? I feel like three million is enough for most people to live a happy life, I think. And five hamburgers, you're set. You're satisfied. To order another hamburger would be, you know, crude. Millions are a little like hamburgers. I feel like somewhere between three and five.

And you're full, think you know and uh this guy got 122 hamburgers for what what did he want a hundred million dollar yacht and a 20 million dollar house i want to know what he was doing the whole time like what's his house look like what's his boat look like maybe he's just laughing doing it for the lulz probably not because he got 120 million where was the money sitting like like was he one of those guys who's smart and there's like some some weird llc in the isle of man that's like paying the line that caught my attention he's agreed to forfeit 50 million it's not clear what happened to the other 73 million. Haha, cool, man. That's nice. Now he faces up to 30 years in prison. Is he in custody?

That is a good question. Can't you just move to Africa and start an insurrection and then make your own country? There are countries without extradition laws. He can just take his 73 million and inject it into the economy of one of those countries and they'll be like, welcome to our country. Prime Minister. Wait, what? Yes, that's right. We are so happy to have you as the new

Prime Minister here. He pled guilty to US wire fraud. He invoiced Google and Facebook for items they hadn't purchased, which was Kyle's question. And they were accompanied by forged invoices, contracts, letters that falsely appeared

to have been executed and signed by executives and agents of the victim companies. This guy was pretty good. I could do this! I worked at accounts receivable. I worked at accounts payable. It wouldn't be hard to send invoices to AT&T or something, and I bet they'd just pay them.

For all our listeners out there, you guys try sending bills to random companies, and then if you make any money, tweet it at Woody. Don't involve me in this at all. Join Taylor in his criminal conspiracy that I want you part of. I saw one the other day where this guy,

he ordered a 75-inch television from, I believe, from Amazon. Okay. Amazon uses a third-party retailer to supply him with a television. He gets an 84-inch television, though, and he's like, ooh-la-la. This is like when you get fries and you didn't even order, you get the large fry, but you ordered a medium. All right, that's how it works, right? You'd think.

No, no. He mounts the fucking TV and he tells Amazon, he's like, hey, I got an 84 instead of a 75. And they're like, fuck it. He's like, cool, cool, all right. Well, the third party company is like not cool bro we want our television back he's like no amazon said it's chill uh kick dirt and so they call the police who storm into his home place him under arrest and he's in a ton of trouble what a ton of trouble

yes he shouldn't be because well i guess when he told the other company to kick dirt but if amazon told him it was okay i can see how a reasonable person could do this He shouldn't be because, well, I guess when he told the other company to kick dirt. But if Amazon told him it was okay, I can see how a reasonable person could do this. Yeah. No, you can totally see how a reasonable person would do this. Like the only part, like you said, that could kind of be hung up on is if the other company calls and is like, Hey, big mistake. We'll pay to ship it back and we'll do this and that and then we'll send you the right one.

You can't just be like, fuck you idiot, haha, I'm out. Yeah, there's the article and everything. He's admitted to TV that was delivered to his home by mistake and admitted that the police had questioned him about the TV days before his arrest. He says that he answered the questions he could without putting himself in jeopardy and the police had questioned him about the TV days before his arrest. He says that he answered the questions he could without putting himself in jeopardy,

and the police say that he was uncooperative in their questioning. He notes that he asked the police if he needed to hire an attorney and was told that he wasn't under investigation at that point. The delivery company that mistakenly dropped the TV off at his house said that they tried to contact him multiple times before going to the police. But the man claims, that he got a large number of calls each day, and he just doesn't answer them all.

He's looking guiltier and guiltier to me, though. While the shipping company tried to get me, the company told me to do it, I ignored the police three days earlier. He was really holding on to these extra nine inches of TV.

If this is an FBA order fulfilled by Amazon, then that third-party company should be dealing with Amazon, not with this guy. If it was some weird thing... It made me worry about that extra bed I got sent. They can have it

back if they want it. No one's ever asked. I'll box that bitch right up, but it's right now want it. No one's ever asked. I'll box that bitch right up, but it's right now. My guest room has a king bed. I got a card that said with this nickel I could feed people and just kept the nickel and now I'm fucked. Yeah, those were funny when you'd get those.

They'd be like, for just this nickel you could feed this kid. And I was like, well then this seems like a bad use of the nickel keep your nickel and feed that kid why can you not spend 10 cents to feed us 5 cents is so gross they used to send it to me

and I was broke as fuck for a dollar a day you could feed all these people I didn't have a dollar they sent it to the wrong person they clearly wasted their money i was in line at the drugstore i had to get some odds and ends like toothpaste and fucking a charger for my phone and alka seltzer i had the worst heartburn my heart runs over by the way i fixed that that's good i uh i i i it was i believe it was unsweet tea that

i was drinking that was just really upsetting my stomach constantly. I cut that out, and I'm good. And apparently, sugar-free Monster does not bother me one bit. Those white Monsters are good. It's pretty tasty. It's sugar-free. This old man was paying with cash at the drugstore for like $20 worth of shit,

and he gave the guy... Yeah. Okay. Paying cash at the store for $20 worth of stuff he gave the guy yeah okay hash at the store for 20 worth of stuff why is that bad well he didn't give the man a 20 bill taylor oh okay took his piggy bank and shook it yeah he starts counting out one dollar bills and fives and and a handful of change and he's, see if that's right. And the guy's like, this is way too much. And so now it's on this poor cashier who,

I got to say, his math skills were not that great either, to figure out how to get $20 out of $37 and 63 cents. And he's like, trying to do it the best way. And I want to be like, Hey guys, can I help swipe my card?

Let's see. $23 in my pocket. Good day, sir. I'll handle your transaction. And could I have my Alka seltzer please? I was this close to doing it because they went on for a solid six or seven minutes.

I was standing there way too long. Like I was, it was the point where I was like looking at the guy with me in line and we were like, right. I love those moments of solidarity with other people in line where you're like, and the other guy's like,

I know. Right. And it's like this guy, kindred spirit. Yeah. And so I thought that this guy with me, he was going to have like a in and out transaction just like me. He gets up there.

I need a money order for $427 and 13. And out transaction just like me he gets up there i need a uh money order for 427 dollars and 13 and i'm just god and also i'm very into playing the lottery so i'll need to see the full selection so now he's counting out like almost 500 of cash and 10s and 20s and 50s and shit it it i was so close to walking i just wanted to get in my car and mix my Alka-Seltzer with my bottle of water and kill the fire inside my belly. But these old people were just ruining my day. And then,

just as these two fools finally get out of the way, the cashier helps a lady she knows. She opens a separate line because she sees somebody she knows and fucking leaves the photo department and comes over and opens another lineup for this bitch. I was

livid. As you should be. I was livid. That's very inappropriate. I would have peed in the store. I've had trouble with that. That's the same pharmacy where I had that whole debacle over my Cialis prescription. Are you aware of how expensive this is? I'm like, yeah, yeah.

This isn't the first time. I know it's fucking expensive. That's why I haven't stormed out of here yet, because you have $320 worth of my bills back there. And then they put those people in, let people cut in line in front of me, and I was like, excuse me, did I lose my place in line?

Because the lady asked me to sit down while my order was filled, and now she seems to be serving these people. And she looked at me wide-eyed, instead of being like, oh, I'm sorry'm sorry sir and having some sort of social grace she just looks at me what wide eyes like i've caught her and i just wanted to bitch you lying bitch don't you act like you just fuck me the way i described and just fucking choke her i have a similar hate you know what i hate when i'm there in person trying to check out, the phone rings.

Suddenly, I'm at the back of the virtual line. That is horseshit. If I walk my ass up here to get service, you can't just prioritize the phone over me for everything. You say, hold, please. They do not prioritize the phone at this fucking CVS. I'll tell you that right now. Because I needed a prescription late one night, and I didn't know what time the pharmacy closed. The phone rang for 15 minutes

I let it break a prank call like a prank phone I was thinking that while I was doing and the next day I got in there and the phone is just ringing off the hook and it does this thing where it goes two colors are Waiting three colors are waiting and they never answer. I'm not exaggerating. And I looked at the guy in line with me. I'm like, now I know why they never answer the phone. They just don't answer the phone here. Like, I totally could have got this prescription last night. I hate those.

I got to change and stop going to CVS. You just hate pharmacies and pharmacists and that whole industry. I have bad experiences there. Everywhere else, I'm treated well. I go to the bank. They're nice to me. I get a lollipop. Yeah, I do like candy at the bank. I'm very happy with my pharmacist.

And while I've never been there, Chiz says we have the nicest Greyhound station of all the Greyhound stations. Yeah, he had a rough time in Atlanta. Ours looks like a log cabin. It has wonderful shingled roofs. It's kind of cool. As soon as he got dropped off in Atlanta, they're trying to sell him weed. Like, instantly.

Like they're trying to sell him weed out there. He told me he didn't pull his phone out for fear of being mugged like you don't want to roll around with an iphone at the atlanta bus station a smartphone at all you better if you don't have a flip like pay by the minute like type a number on your card into that bitch yeah a walk phone or whatever you fuck now that sounds like the kind of city i know uh i'll never forget that I pick him up at the bus stop in Atlanta, and it was feeding time for the homeless on that block. And they had one of those big vans with like 200 styrofoam plates

with like bologna sandwiches and chips in them. And literally 200 homeless looking like zombies were out there. And they ate them, and then they threw the plates on the ground, and the whole park was just styrofoam plates blowing in the wind. And homeless people staggering around. It looked like The Walking Dead. Dude, welcome to Atlanta where the players play, Chiz. Skid Row in Hollywood looks like that, man.

There were like 1,500 homeless people all in a line for something. Food, maybe shelter. And I... Yeah, it, maybe shelter. Yeah. And I... Yeah, it's worse than I thought. I don't know what's worse, Seattle homeless or LA homeless, though. I haven't been to Seattle.

Man, I'll never forget, I found that pigeon carcass amongst those homeless people. It's good eating, Kyle. They had eaten that pigeon. They had eaten that pigeon. Let me do a couple of ad reads now that we've gotten past pigeon talk. Let's see.

Smart mouth. Bad breath is a gross, embarrassing problem that impacts everyone at some point in their lives. Fortunately, it isn't your fault. Smart mouth mouthwash knows the real cause of bad breath and how just two rinses a day can solve it for good. But first, what is bad breath? Bad breath is a natural consequence of bacteria living in your mouth. Naturally occurring oral bacteria consume protein in your mouth and give off sulfur gas as waste. So when you smell that rotten egg bad breath odor, you're actually

smelling sulfur gas. Using alcohol to just kill germs or trying to cover the odor with a minty mask will not solve your problem. To solve a real problem, you need real science. SmartMouth uses a clinically proven, patented, two-liquid system. When poured, the clear sulfur-eliminating solution combines with the green zinc ion solution and activates. The activated zinc ions seek out and bind to bacteria in your mouth, stopping them from being able to consume protein or release sulfur gas for 12 hours per rinse.

No sulfur gas. Well, that means no bad breath. Folks find smart mouth in the oral health aisle, your favorite supermarket pharmacy, grocery store, or online and Amazon. And now for a limited time,

go on over to smart mouth.com slash PKA, and you can get 20% off your smart mouth, mouthwash or toothpaste in a promo code. P K inner code PKAPROMO at checkout for 20% off that purchase. SmartMouth.com slash PKA, code PKAPROMO. Really is the best. I like their toothpaste.

I like their mouthwash. That's the stuff. Absolutely. This episode of PKA is also brought to you by Robinhood. Robinhood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, and cryptos all commission-free. And they make it so easy with their simple and intuitive, easy-to-digest app design. Now, with most other brokerages you could sign up with, they're going to charge up to $10 for every single trade.

But the great thing about using Robinhood is that they don't charge any commissions. No commission fees at all. You can trade stocks and keep all of those profits. Whether you're a season day trader or you haven't begun investing at all, you'll want to take advantage of this great offer right now. Robinhood is giving listeners a free stock like Apple for Sprint to help you build your portfolio. So go sign up at painkiller.robinhood.com link down below painkiller.robinhood.com. And, uh, I personally use Robinhood as one of my brokerages and they're great because you can buy and

sell crypto, uh, on there now as well as stocks. Yeah. Go check them out. All right. I was going to say a thing. I want to do a little MMA talk because the UFC is just fucking crazy right now.

Let's go. Like just starting from the bottom, from the bottom and working up like you've got the whole Henry, Henry Cejudo thing where like he's, he, he, he's, he's the,

he's the little baby bitch champ, but he wants to move up a weight class where TJ Dillashaw just got popped for performance enhancing drugs. And now there's a vacancy and he wants to go up a weight class where tj dillashaw just got popped for performance enhancing drugs and now there's a vacancy and he wants to go up there and be champ champ mini champ champ anyway you've got yeah let's rip it on this guy for fighting at 125 but all right he's little that's why people that i mean they're talking about closing the division because nobody likes to watch the little guys fight i'm not one of them i think they're speedy and fun to watch and acrobatic in some ways it It's interesting. I like it. But he's a little bitch boy. And then you've got all

the way up to like 145, you've got Max Holloway, who's just beating everybody there is to fucking beat. And now he wants a real payday and he wants to jump on up to 155. And they're talking about giving him a title shot up there for an interim belt. And then at 155, you've got Habib deciding to sit out until like October or November

since he can't get GSP anytime soon. And Ramadan, I believe, is fast approaching. But then you got this murderer's row of people back behind him, just backlogged, wanting to get their name in the ring. Then you step up to... So there's two guys fighting. Is it Holloway and Poirier fighting for the interim title? Does that sound right? Fuck, man.

It's hard for me to keep up with. I know Gaethje's fighting this weekend. I can't remember who he's fighting, though. Or Bo title? Does that sound right? Fuck, man. It's hard for me to keep up with. I know Gaethje's fighting this weekend. I can't remember who he's fighting, though. Or Boza? Does that sound right? Shit. I don't know exactly. I know I want to see any time that Gaethje fights, I want to see it. He's the one...

What's his name? Call him the Homer Simpson of UFC. This guy... Is it Gaethje? Is that how you pronounce his name? Gaethje. Dude, he is. He takes more shots than any other fighter and he delivers more shots than any other fighter. Yeah, like most fighters will have like, I think it was Pettis describing how he

fights and he was like, most guys are like, there's a step one, a parry, a setup, step two is a hit, step three is to get out of the way and that's how you fight. Not this guy. He's got one step, and that step is smash. He doesn't worry about setting it up.

He doesn't worry about getting out of the way afterwards. Smash, smash, smash, smash. He's a button masher in the octagon, and that's how he fights. Sometimes he wins. That seems cool. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes he loses. He looks cool. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes he loses.

He won't be very cool when he's 35. All the energy used blocking could be used to punch. He just smashes. I think he competes. Homer, I prefer if you'd start covering your face.

He's fun to watch. We talked about on PKN how much we love watching the OC, but that CTE kind of makes it a guilty pleasure. Yeah. This guy is the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures. Oh, yeah. They show the stats, you know, like shots delivered per minute or something like that,

or maybe per round, and then received per minute or maybe per round. And they show like a max holloway or something and he's like i don't know he hits them five times a minute and that's real high gaethje's like 12 and he like but he's taking 10 how do you spell this guy's name what is it it's weird it's like g-a-i-t-c-h-e or something I think it might be a J in there. Yeah, it's odd. Justin, G-A-E-T-H-J-E. Yeah, it's Gaethje.

Okay. So, yeah, he's in the mix, but then you've got all that stuff with Colby Covington and all the divisions are this mismatch of crazy shit going on because they're not getting the big fights to work or go through. They need to get it clicking. Well, sometimes people get hurt. And it's kind of the post-Conor era, right?

Connor has only fought, is it once in the last two years in MMA? Yeah. He fought in January. And then it was like 2016 before that. Before that was the Mayweather thing. He actually fought three times in 2016, but if you draw it just the right way, he's had more court appearances than wins

in the last two and a half years or something like that. And now Conor's threatening to retire, which is, it's not the kind of MMA news I love, but it's news, it's drama. So yeah, you were going through the wait list. You were at 155, 170. You got Colby and Usman, the new

champ there. Well, you've got Robbie Lawler is about to fight Tyron Woodley, of which is a terrible matchup for Robbie. Robbie already lost that once. I feel bad for Robbie because I feel like he's about to take another loss. I think Robbie's going to win. I don't.

I think Tyron Woodley is still Tyron Woodley despite what Usman did to him. And then at light heavyweight, John Bones is just the baddest motherfucker that there's going to be for the next three or four years. So he's going to win. He's got another fight coming. I could Google who it is, but he's got another fight coming. He'll win it. Pika Grahams or not. Show me a needle in his arm And I might start believing he's on something

You see the lumps in his belly and his abdomen Those are muscles motherfucker They look like pimples almost Those are muscles motherfucker Micro little muscles From injection sites I'm watching a highlight of this guy uh justin yeah this guy has an awesome fighting style he's just like an angry animal just coming at you that's

great and then i feel like dc is being is being sort of a roadblock for the heavyweight thing at this point it's been so long and i don't know if his fingers hurt or if he or what he's putting things off for at this point but it's like you're being a real roadblock right now. I don't want to hear about Brock Lesnar anymore. I don't give a fuck about Brock Lesnar. I want to see the guys who actually have a bit of talent, and fucking Curtis Blades. Some people said that fight was boring because it was a lot of ground fuckery.

He slammed that dude eight, nine times or something like that it was fun to watch and that other dude had talked a lot of shit to curtis pre-fight like in the in the at the face off he was like your daddy can't help you tomorrow your daddy can't help you tomorrow and he's one of these guys who like don't even put my mama's name in your mouth you know it's you don't need to say i fucked your mom in the ass like don't even talk even talk about my daddy. That's how he took it. And so he tortured this guy for the entire fight, dropping these big boy knees on his hip. And like one of them, you might be like, ah, that might hurt.

He must have dropped 15 of these nasty knees, like right into the guy's hip. The fat boy looked up with such terror at one point. He was like looking up at one point. He was so, he was like looking up at the clock. He was clearly afraid. Hit me in a different spot. And at the end of it,

Curtis is talking so much shit. He's like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Big titty city. Big titty city. Big titty go home.

And this guy is in DC's camp. He's DC's like one of his pupils i suppose and so dc's holding the mic to curtis and curtis is like big titty go home big titty go home and meanwhile i'm like i think dc's titties are even bigger because dc has had heavy weight yeah like like at microphone holder which is what his job is right now, he's gotten rotund. I mentioned that for the viewers who don't. He used to fight at 205, so he was forced to maintain. He was always fat, but he was forced to have some sort of semblance of athletic looking body. Yeah, he had to stay like, you know.

At 205. Now he fights at 265. And there's really no limit. 265, DC can be hard for him to hit that with his body type. So he's a fatty fat 245. He's a black sphere now.

He looks like he's rolled very well. DC is a good guy. He's a good man. He's a good coach. He's everything you want your athletic... No, he's a cheater. Don't remember when he cheated with a towel? That is true, yeah. He's a good coach. He's everything you want your athletic role. No, he's a cheater. He's a cheater. Don't remember when he cheated with a towel? That is true, yeah. He weighed two pounds over 205.

This is what he did. He weighed in. If you see a two at 1.2. He weighed in. He was too heavy. He took off his underwear, which I'm estimating weighed approximately nothing. And then he stood on the scale again, but they held the towel in front of him. So he's like doing tricep pushups off this towel.

He weighed two pounds less, made weight, fought for the title, won. Imagine being so desperate to make weight. You get up there and you're like, well, I guess underwear weighs something, right? Like you just hit a fucking panic quick takes off his underwear trims his nose hairs and give us another go you know what shave shave i don't need all my fingers this guy uh justin gaethje i've never heard of him he's cool but i just watched his highlight thing this guy might be my new favorite fighter he's one of the most violent men in the UFC. He was fighting this,

I don't know what the fighter, a black guy that was wearing blue and black shorts. I don't know what his name was, but he kneed the guy in the head so hard that the guy falls to the ground and is stunned. And instead of jumping on him and doing the savage attack,

he just walks around the side and gives a come hither finger movement like come on like oh that's a bruce you want to keep going did you watch a lot of bruce you ever what did you you bruce lee fan you watched any bruce i'm not a fan but i have seen a movie or two back in the day i like when they when they pull some of that old i love bruce lee i love the bruce lee movies i i've seen them all i i love them um i like fucking fucking throwing people around and stuff and he'd do that crazy shit he'd have like some bad guy just has scratched him with like literal wolverine claws he's come on dude i love that

shit when i was nine years old i thought the toughest people on the planet were like 125 pound gymnasts from hong kong you know like there's acrobats from hong kong flipping around and kicking the top of your head were clearly like the like they beat up will chamberlain i saw it right on tv you know that must be turns out chuck nor. Turns out the most badass people on the planet are these wrestlers from the Midwest at the time. There's a part where Bruce Lee is fighting Chuck Norris

and he rips out some of Chuck Norris' chest hair. That's one of his moves. It's great. That's hilarious. That would hurt. Getting your chest hair ripped out. It'd be awful. You ever see there's a movie about like an american guy going to become a shaolin monk and uh and and that looks pretty legit because it was just so rigorous like the training

like carrying those bottles of water up steps for endlessly and like i remember his finishing move when he finally had to fight the big bad guy was this three fingered reach and he grabbed the guy right here and he tore off like the top five layers of skin like that's on a patch on his forehead yes and the guy was him. I thought for sure he was going to pull his heart out. No, I just remember thinking, that would... Is that Indiana Jones? Yeah, Temple of Doom. I just remember thinking,

that would really fucking hurt. Let me see if I can find that clip. Maybe it's sillier than what I'm remembering it. It sounds absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure it's a great one sounds absolutely ridiculous. Hey, hey, hey! Don't you disrespect the Shaolin monks. Yeah, no. The real badass fighters were drunken masters. Can you become

a Shaolin monk if you're white? It was very hard for him to do. Don't seem racist otherwise. Well, I would feel like they'd be like... You'd show up and they'd be like, yeah, but more specifically, we're not looking for someone like you.

More someone more like, I don't know, like somebody who looked like everybody else here. I noticed that you're not 5'5", with brown hair, black eye, black eye. Black hair, brown eye. There we go. I was like, brown hair? Ruined it, fuck.

Dude, I have a story. Kyle's looking up a kung fu scene i don't know if he'll be able to find it pa judge pennsylvania judge sentenced to 28 years in massive juvenile justice bribery scandal so what would happen is this guy took a million dollars in bribes that's what he was convicted for. The case became known as Kids for Cash. They tossed 4,000 convictions of this guy out. And basically, I'm scanning it, but if I recall correctly, these for-profit prisons were paying for black children, essentially.

Paying for black kids to become prisoners? I think I might have put a little spin on it. But yeah, that's the deal. These prisons would be paid for children so they would do this. But they're like juvie detention centers. Yeah. I might be conflating two cases.

I'm looking at it in my thing right now. I'll just read it. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court tossed 4,000 convictions between 2003 and 2008, saying he violated the constitutional rights of juveniles, including the right to legal counsel and right to intelligently enter a plea. He was tried and convicted of racketeering charges earlier this year. His attorneys had asked for a reasonable sentence in court papers, saying, in effect, that he had already been punished enough.

The media attention to this matter has exceeded coverage given to many and almost all capital murders. And despite protestation, he will forever and unjustly be branded as the kids for cash judge. But he did take a million in bribes to send kids to jail. a million in bribes to send kids to jail. And I might be conflating. I think it had something to do with for-profit prisons, although it's not in that article.

All these shitty people I'm hearing about, they make me feel like my initial thing from a couple hours ago of forcing people to fight a bear to be justice. That would deter a lot of crime. Would it, though? Oh, yeah. If you were about to steal a bike or something and you're like oh i'll just do like a couple weekends in jail or i'll just do like a

month or two in jail you might do it but if you know that there's a bear on the other end you're not stealing bikes you're not stealing cars but what if your impression of jail was like i don't know a little bit of anal rape lots of intimidation and some shakedowns that's also scary so okay all right making a point here well the that is true the bear won't rape you maybe i wonder if anyone's ever been molested by a bear where it's like, just play dead. Just play. Oh no. Why is he sniffing my butt? Oh,

there he goes. What does a bear dick look like? Oh no. Oh, it's got spines on it. It's a lump in my ass. You know that? Like a lot of animals have penis,

like spines and hooks or like the glands. That hold them together. It's all weird yeah like i think when dogs fuck their dick goes in and then something something biological happens where it like flares up and then it makes it so you can't pull the so then the the the female dog can't run away the decision is called this is called knotting and it's when the base of the dog's penis swells to the size of a tennis ball, or depending on the dog, perhaps a grapefruit. It looks like a fist with a penis coming out of it.

Now, if you go to baddragon.com, you'll see quite a few toys that accomplish this look. A lot of these ladies who enjoy using these toys are working up to the period in which they can not themselves this means that at some point some guy saw a dog dick and and like these are his friends and they're all like oh gross and he's like well not that that hold on now i see you know god caused them to evolve hey nothing wrong with it okay there was a time on this show where I think I mentioned doggy style and Kyle said, you know, actual doggy style is just standing

apart from each other butt to butt. And I'm like, that's not true. I've seen dogs. I googled it and Kyle was on to something. I think... Wait, what? They stand together butt to butt waiting for the refractory period.

Kyle, please take over. I'm just going to Google dogs fucking. So the male dog, I'm going to use... I've got some hand puppets. You guys who aren't watching, you're really missing out on my hand puppets right now. So you got dog number one. Jesus.

And you got dog number two. And he finishes. And then he turns around and stands and his penis is locked within the female uh with this knot and this is to ensure insemination um this this this will and they always thought it was so she couldn't run away. It was like to help him stay mounted. I think it's because dogs aren't very dexterous. And so once they get it in, they need to lock it in to make sure that they come and then they have little puppies. I know an unfortunately large amount about this.

And it is to ensure... Then please continue to explain for another hour. It is to ensure insemination. And once it has swollen to its maximum size of girth, the actual insemination has already taken place. The thrusting and all is over. And then they are sort of stuck, ass to ass, knotted, if you will, for 15, 30 minutes.

Really? Yeah. I'm glad that doesn't happen to me. Like, typically after i finish i'm finished you know like like i i'm ready to go and if i was knotted for 30 more minutes that would be a um a disincentive i think knowing that that part was coming it would make me maybe less into it in the first place no totally you're right like imagine if you after you finish you just have to lay around soaking for half an

hour think of the lost time the man hours you could be doing so every time you had sex you have to be like well do i have time for sex and another 30 minutes after that to just be hooked into this pussy to be knotted all right you know we lucked out with uh the human penises because a lot of primate penises are really tiny and shitty if you didn't know but they have huge testicles they're all which is the that's that's not the thing you want no human cocks arecks are way better. Human testicles are way better. And then women have boobs all the time, which is my preference. We are the only mammal. Yeah.

The only mammal with constantly engorged breasts. That's not lucky. It's evolution. Okay. Well, I'm feeling lucky. No, God did this because God is a tit man. You're right. He gave him boobs and asses because that's what he likes.

Yeah, dude. It's just a terrifying place. I should buy one of these just to terrify some poor lady when I pull out. They all have names like Spritz or Kitty. What is this? Apollo, Nova, Vasu, Kelvin, Chance, Flared. Chance Flared is a horse. They are the penises of animals and mythical beasts.

Imagine being in the creative department for the bad dragon mythical penis. I don't have to. You see Dexter there? A Demogorgon? You can fuck that. You can fuck a Zeratan, a Kona, a Diego. That looks like what the knot you're describing in Dog Penis is.

This one is just a tentacle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a whole subreddit for that, by the way, if you want to see ladies using these. No. You'd be surprised. It's a good time. I like when they use the ones that lay eggs in them.

I mean, who doesn't like that? Yeah. Nothing gets me harder than seeing a woman use a mythical manticore cock and then letting it feed eggs into her. Oh, God, slow down. I know. It's good stuff.

These are expensive as shit. Yeah, yeah. Who are these rich maniacs buying $300? Did you change the size? Dude, you're looking at the cheapest one. Yeah, go back to the website and look what happens when you make it extra large. I'll just go to Mystic, the first one.

How do I go to extra large? Like, select one of the dildos. Like, I'm on Austin right now, which looks like a dog, I guess. And I can change the firmness for an extra 15 bucks. And I can change the size. If I go to, it starts, the mini is $50, 55. And it's 20 more to go to small, 50 more to go to medium, 80 more to go to large and 110 extra to go to extra large.

So it's $165 toy. It doesn't even say how big extra large is, though. It's very big. Is it like an arm? But what if I want an egg plug? Have you guys seen The Stand? The movie The Stand? $165 for a big

ass plug. Here, I'll link it. The Stand? I haven't seen that. We should probably change topics because I feel like i can't show this to the stream but the stand is uh it's a creative one there's a hole in the tip i have to believe it shoots something yeah yeah some of them ejaculate uh they come with this pump and uh you you there's this fake semen stuff this this goo. A lot of the ladies, that Sarah Triple X lady, she makes some videos with those.

Fake animal cum just everywhere. They have it next to a soda can for scale. Go to Extra Large and look at that thing. It's like a sculpture that you would see in a weird new art exhibit. You would have to be able to easily deliver babies to take these extra larges. You're right. This is definitely bigger than a newborn.

That's enormous. How much is it? Oh, my God. It's $220. If you want a large Stan. Stan, the mythical horse beast. Is that what it is? I don't know. This is the most ripped penis I've ever seen in my life.

This penis has abs. It has defined musculature, veining deep curve a blunt head this powerful creature will fill you up and always leave you wanting more once he inches his way deep inside you there's no holding back he gets you in his grasp and with every thrust you'll climb closer and closer until you reach your peak don't let stan escape add a suction cup for even more fun trying to take the beast oh man what happened to society didn't we used to like talk to our neighbors and things and now we're fucking each other with stan's magic manticore penis. Oh, I,

I just discovered you can get it black with gold speckles. That's really what you want. Yeah. You want the black and gold version? That's, that's a Mizzou colors. You can get it covered with the question mark from super Mario brothers. For some reason, you can get a nice chic,

uh, white and blue or white and silver. If you want to like a classier look, a cleaner look for your monster penis. White and silver? Where are you seeing that? Oh, I was on a listing for a different dildo. Never mind. You just don't have loyalty to Stan like I do.

No, I don't know Stan. This is so weird that this is a viable business. There's a subreddit where people are crazy for this stuff. It's not my kink. I don't get it. It looks like Diego the dog is very popular. And it's just a red dick like dogs have, like a lipstick. Oh, but you can get a white and blue one.

That's very classy. You can get a... I even see the knot. Yeah, you can knot. Oh, you can get a question mark. So, like, you know those mystery boxes that you hit in Super Mario with the question mark on it? You can get that as the finish on your

dog dick dildo. Yes. This is crazy. Sometimes I think maybe the NSA shouldn't be monitoring everyone. And then I'll come across a site like Bad Dragon and be like, maybe they should keep tabs on some people.

Let's do a couple Kill Fuck Marys. Are you ready? Yes. Trump, Obama, W. Well, fuck Obama because he's the hottest. Okay. Kill

W or Trump? W. And or Trump? W. And marry Trump? Because I don't think he'd be very funny. I always put myself on a desert island in this situation. Like, I don't think W would be very funny for a long time. But Trump would have funny little things to say for a long time. Okay.

Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini. Lightning round. You know, of those three, Mussolini's the one I know the least about, so I'll marry him. Maybe his points of view have some validity. We'll see. We have a lot of time on that island. Hitler, Stalin, fuck and kill. Kill Stalin. And fuck Hitler. And fuck Hitler. Hitler-Stalin fucking kill kill kill Stalin

and fuck Hitler but in a very degrading way like a punishment like you know what you did and now you're getting raped well I wouldn't rape him you know what is it a bad thing if you raped Hitler Kyle

lightning round fuck Mary kill Christina Hendricks Natalie Dormer Jenna Fisher why does he get girls thing if you raped hitler kyle lightning round fuck mary kill christina hendrix natalie dormer jenna fisher why does he get girls the next one's girls jenna fisher uh from the office i think killer um all right so you'd uh marry and fuck christina hendrix and natalie dormer i i fuck christina and i marry natalieormer Alright Taylor, lightning round Jennifer Lawrence, Sophie Turner, Emma Stone Who was the first one? Jennifer Lawrence, Hunger Games chick

Kill Jennifer Lawrence Fuck Sansa and marry whoever the third one was Emma Stone? Emma Stone I Emma Stone. I don't know enough about her. She's cute and fun. Yeah, I marry her.

Who's she again? The redhead, right? Yeah, Sophie Turner. She's Sansa. No, no, no. Emma Stone. Which one's that? Oh, okay.

Also a redhead. Lots of hair on Emma Stone, I think. Oh, she was in Zombieland. Hair? You said redhead? No. I feel like I've seen lots of hairstyles on her is what I think. Oh, she was in Zombieland. Hair? You said redhead. No, I feel like I've seen lots of hairstyles on her is what I'm trying to say. Oh.

You said she was a redhead. You're probably right. Yeah, she's redhead. Yeah, I definitely agree with Taylor on that one. That's an easy one, too, for me. Definitely. Definitely. Christina Hendricks.

Have you ever considered running a marathon? No. It's one of those things where me imagining myself doing it, I get all of the accolades I need, so I'll never actually have to do it. I'll imagine myself

running a marathon for charity and being like, that would be great, but I'll never end up doing it. I'm not a good runner. it throughout my life i've been a pretty good athlete actually up until like i've been all the range of athletic right but for wherever you picture me i'm half at running what i should be like lifeguard woody did like a six and a half minute mile or something like that when that guy should be better than that and uh even now i don't know what the hell i do for a mile but shitty i'm sure fastest i've ever done i think is 640 okay the yeah me too i think if i were to train i had to beat 630 so i know i

got 620 something but um uh if i had to run i thought i think i'd get hurt i don't think i could do it like it'd be very hard for me to get in shape to run a marathon it also just sucks like yeah i feel like with weight lifting like when you get to a new benchmark of benching or whatever you're like hell yeah that's a visible difference I can see more weight on there in plates right now. I feel good. Whereas with running, everybody's different, but I don't get that same reward. I don't think ever like, oh, if I got down to five minutes and 50 seconds,

man, I'd feel good. It's like, no, I'd be sad that I spent so much time running. Someone asked how you're liking your new house taylor oh these are all patreon questions by the way click link in the description appreciate our patreons patrons oh i'm loving it yes it's sick i got i've got my living room set up with my 65 inch tv mounted my couches and my chair and everything in my my great room uh i've got my basement media room pretty much finished. My girlfriend has dropped hints

that she's buying me a pool table for my birthday. And so the pool table should go down there and that'll really round out the room. But then I've got my 75-inch TV downstairs on a TV stand and my sectional and everything. You must have a big room. Pool tables take big rooms. Yeah, yeah.

It's a pretty good-sized room. And then in the in the unfinished part of my basement i've got my my squat rack like my power rack and everything a bunch of free weights a treadmill a the stationary bike that cheap ass one that i got for the fitness competition and then in the uh in the longer section of my unfinished area i did the same thing that my dad did for us when i when we were little kids because we had a big unfinished area, a much bigger unfinished area when I was a kid than what I have now. And we would put hockey nets around. And so we could skate around and with like goalie equipment and sticks and everything and play street hockey in the basement. That was so many

of my favorite memories as a kid in all the homes we had growing up where there was an unfinished area. It was just playing hockey in the basement with friends like i fucking loved it and so i put a hockey net up i bought street hockey sticks i bought goalie stuff and so like already uh my my dad has hopped in there and played some goal when he came over for dinner last week and uh he had a a heart problem like a few months ago where he had to get a stint or a stent whatever it's called put in which was which kind of freaked me out because like my dad's not fat he he's pretty healthy for you know a guy in his mid-50s and to have that happen i was like oh shit maybe my genetics are you're gonna come and come back and bite me but uh it turns out if you

take like plavix or whatever the fuck those heart medications are you bruise like a prepubescent girl like you bruise so bad and so i was i was fucking firing pucks at him so hard and i hit him in the throat pucks not eating balls no they're they're the orange uh lighter weight street hockey pucks okay not even the ones with that are solid plastic like the hollow you can like squeeze them almost i think you can squeeze them almost but i can get those fuckers moving and and i hit him like in the arm in the thigh and uh on the skiing trip which we went on he was like he like showed me his lower thigh where he's like remember where

you hit me there i was like yeah dad and he like showed me and it was a dark black bruise like that big like all the way over there because he was on plavix but uh and i've got my girlfriend playing goal sometimes uh she offered to do that and i i'm very nice to her i give her like chips in specific positions and everything but uh oh i'm i'm loving it like living in a house is so sick like i i'm just now it's getting to the point where I'm gonna have to like clean my gutters and shit and and do all that so I bought a ladder and I have everything I need um but I was looking around and my dad and a couple other friends I know who have been homeowners for a bit longer have been like oh yeah just invest in the fucking uh the gutter shield you know whatever the hell thing that is apparently

makes it so that the water drips still into your gutter it's almost like there's a couple different ones but in general the concept is usually it's a screen so the leaves will probably settle on top dry and blow away do either of you guys have you ever had that uh i pay someone to do the gutters it's like 70 bucks and you know they do the whole house i don't really have trees oh i have a ton well there's so many fucking trees around here everywhere in missouri but to answer that guy's question yes i'm loving living in a house it's so sick not having shared walls having space feeling like oh it's late at night and i can't sleep and i have got some energy i want to go

take slap shots in my basement at the targets i have set up i'm gonna walk like an elephant yeah i'm gonna walk like an elephant i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do that so i'm i'm having a blast i should have bought a house way earlier but i'm like i'm just i feel so lucky all the time walking around my house because it's like, holy shit, this is so much... And I don't live in a home like Woody's, not even fucking close, and I'm sure Kyle's old home is nicer than this, but I just feel like it's so much more space than I'm used to.

It's way nicer. I got my backsplash and my countertop redone. Looks fantastic. I got white quartz and then some some some silver what color are your kitchen cabinets uh gray okay it's like a almost like a darker bluish gray it looks really good with the backsplash that i didn't pick out my mom is like autistic for designing houses and so like she would just come over and be like oh my god picture this you walk in big light fixture there big light fixture there backsplash chrome chrome white black in these different panels it's gonna look great and it's

like i don't i don't know and i don't care but i know i liked all the way that you did our houses growing up and so yeah just tell me what i need to do and i'll do it uh but yeah i'm rambling about shit that's probably not interesting, but I'm loving it. Right now, I went to... I'm looking for stuff to get the yard in order. I have a sunroom. You're going to need a tractor, a batwing mower. A tractor, a batwing mower.

Yesterday, when I was walking around Home Depot, we were looking at stuff. I saw a batwing mower at home depot for like seven thousand dollars or something like that must be a little i was i was yeah it was little it was not and i was like that is ridiculous who would get that and my girlfriend she listens to the show she was like i bet woody has a bigger one than that. My mower was 18,000. Yeah.

I don't know why we don't just pay someone to mow it. Like, I don't know. With all we have, but it's so endearing. You're just a, a kid with a lot of money. You're just like,

well, you know, we could pay for the next 200 years to have our yard done for this cost. Or let's just get it all out of the way let's just get it all out of the way and we'll get this 18 000 dollar mower um yeah i think i'm looking for furniture for my sunroom i only have one sunroom i don't have an east or west or south sunroom in addition to it um do you guys have any tips for that anything fun to do in a sunroom i have a cable hookup out there so i could mount like a little you know 27 or 32 inch tv on the

wall and have it but i don't really i don't know if it's that fun one thing we did do is we invested in pretty good curtains and now we can like kind of choose if it's a sunroom or not like depending on the mood of the day we might just let tons of light in or not is yours a climate controlled yeah yeah i prefer a moon room a moon room yeah a moon door we opened our pool today it's not open that's an exaggeration but we do early opening yeah i don't know it'll be april in a week oh i'm i'm assuming it's been like our weather here never mind so uh uh yeah and it also it i'm i'm kind of new to it and then it takes me like a week or two to turn this green water that you can't even see two feet through into nice clear water that's better than the bottle and uh so but i'm excited to like kick off that process it's out

there filtering right now and uh you know we've got the algae side and then we're gonna we're gonna make this thing nice and and in my head de-winterizing the pool brings summer now you might think it's related to our hemisphere tilting to the sun and such but it seems like every year when i de-winterize the pool summer comes can't argue with science so i'm gonna go out there i'm gonna work real hard and bring summer do you have a salt water or a chlorine pool it's a salt water pool what people don't know i think is that it actually the the filter turns the salt water into chlorine through alchemy i guess but uh but but that's what it is so even a salt water pool is really just stored to chlorine future chlorine and um you know we

tell that it has like a computer that sort of convert like it's like oh i want 45 percent chlorine or something like that and uh and that's what it does so it converts the salt that's in there into chlorine and um yeah but at the beginning of the season we shock it and stuff to make it faster i have like no memories of swimming without having like eye aids like needing glasses or contacts or anything because i had to get contacts when i was so young at least for the visually impaired who wear contacts, opening your eyes in a saltwater pool is infinitely better than in a chlorine pool, even if it's doing that. You guys both have normal eyes.

Same way, I would assume? Are you comparing private pools to public pools too? Is that part of it? No, I remember when I was younger, when I would go to friends' houses, a lot of them would have like, if they had a pool, they would have a normal chlorine pool. And when I was like 12 or 13 or something, because my parents were always flipping houses. And so, so much of it was like, move in here, immediately start putting a pool in to increase property value. Then you get a couple months of swimming in a pool and we're off to another house. And once I had my first experience in a saltwater pool i was

like oh my god like i can if i accidentally open my eyes underwater i don't come up and see everything like an 80 like bill cosby would see things oh i'm glad you mentioned bill cosby that that that reminded me of a topic if we if you're ready to change over to something sure sure you know who cardi b is yes and i know her drama Kyle, you should probably lay it out So Cardi B is very popular Not a big fan myself, I heard her on Stern And I felt like she didn't represent herself well She came off as

A low IQ individual Is what I would say Like Maxine Waters Exactly I guess when she was a stripper which is her last job um she would lure men to hotel rooms drug them and rob them and uh she's openly came out and told her that's not really that bad because she's a woman and these aren't song lyrics it's this is a statement this is what she said she did.

That's hilarious what you can get away with as a woman. She felt like she was, I don't want to say obligated, but it was like, what else am I going to do? I needed money. I'm working as a whore. So, obviously, you know, you rob. Because that's what happened. Guys would offer to pay for sex. She'd take them up.

She'd drug them and rob them. And it was like uh sort of well i was broke obviously that's how i she was not broke what i did okay that's the version of it i read no she's lying if she said she she's a successful stripper she's making 100k a year you know she's doing very well for herself more than that like like on the low end she's making 100k a year you know she's doing very well for herself more than them like like on the low end she's making 100k a year like like she's doing very well for herself and a lot of it's cash that that's not getting taxed appropriately it especially if you consider the kind of individual that she clearly is i doubt she's reporting everything to the irs if she's also robbing i doubt i certainly doubt she's reporting her robbing income you need to report people if

you're out there stealing money pay taxes on it it just gets worse for you if you don't i love those uh but but yeah scum scumbag individual i guess and and just a real double standard there as well because if it was a guy robbing drugging and robbing women there'd be a real outcry but but uh you know she's a pop star so that's all good yeah it's not that different than bill cosby i can't like is there any difference aside from the sex swaps well other than the rape and part that's pretty similar oh that's right she didn't rape him so you're right oh my god how could i leave that out that's pretty much not as bad because he would drug him and rape him she would drug him and steal their money.

It's definitely worse. Given the choice, I'd rather my wallet be empty. I've never robbed anybody. I would never steal anything other than the virginity of an unsuspecting girl. Alright, yeah, I'm glad you guys set my head straight on that. I don't know why I didn't catch that difference. I thought it was exactly the same, but with sexist swaps.

I know, you're joking. It was even funnier. It was also robbing people. This fucking idiot didn't even know I stole all his business cards. I was loaded on Cosby Show money, but something about it made me feel big and powerful. Yeah, so she took the money. I was loaded on Cosby Show money, but something about it made me feel big and powerful. Yeah, so she took the money. And I guess she didn't have sex with him. So that's fraud.

Throw that on top. That's hilarious. These girls that charge exorbitant amounts of money for their premium Snapchat, there's been a wave of guys now who report them to the IRS. You know, they'll engage in a conversation like, hey, how much is your premium Snapchat? Blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, it's this much.

All right. And then they reply, report it to the IRS. And then they send the link that allows you to report individuals to the IRS. And they're just reporting them all. I love it. I love it. It's hilarious. That is pretty funny. Just speaking of the love it it's hilarious that is pretty funny just

speaking of the irs it's like tax time now i still need to get mine done me too and every year like i'll like look at like averages online for like my income and everything like i know that i'm overpaying and i don't know enough about taxes to like know what to write off and what to, to focus on more. Like I have a couple of friends who are tax accountants that I'll like shoot a text to and ask, but I feel like there's always so much more that I could be writing off, but I'm just paranoid. And so I,

I just, so take the square footage of that room that you're currently working in. And, uh, and that, that percent and whatever percentage that is of your home layout isn't, is the percentage of your heating and air and electrical and everything that you can write off now.

I'm going to do that. Only if you use that room exclusively for this, which are they going to audit? I don't know. It scares me because the home office deduction is one of the reddest of red flags. I don't use this room for anything else. Oh, cool. But the home audit, I'm sorry,

the home office expense deduction is the one that triggers audits more vibrantly than almost any other and it makes me nervous to write that off like i don't know it to write off the part of your home you mean this is where your income's coming from it's this office that you're working in so you know you're right you shouldn't have to pay the heat and cool your office you shouldn't be able to pay taxes yeah it's a deductible business expense it is yeah and it's legit still scares me a little bit i think i don't take it every year because i'm just like man i want to trigger it on it you know and and like it is it worth Like, all right, Woody, you could save like $47 on taxes this year or whatever it is. Was it worth it?

I don't know. What are other things I should be looking at, Woody? The uniforms. Like that dumbass shirt you're wearing and you'll never wear outside of business. That should be tax deductible. Beaver Valley. These are tits and that's a furry pussy

see he's not wearing that to Whole Foods that's a gag for the show so it should be tax deductible man I wish I could write off all the gags for the show you can oh yeah yeah absolutely if you buy a video game

if you buy a video game to play with a fan as part of a PKA requirement or whatever, that's a business expense. For sure. If you buy a gaming mouse to play that video game with a fan of the show as a part of our job,

that's a business expense. Can I write off my internet? I think the right answer is you could write off the portion of it that's used for business. How would you even segment that? Right. By bandwidth? I don't fucking know. You know, use it, what, five or six hours a week for business?

Yeah, that wouldn't be enough, I wouldn't think. See, that's my point with all of it. You'll hear from people. That's a good question. I don't know exactly how to do that. Maybe, I mean, isn't it fair to say that how would an office write off their internet connection? Their internet

connection is 100% used for business. But there's no way to buy part-time internet. There's no way that you couldn't choose to buy five hours of internet every week. And so, shouldn't the full internet be written off? I see your logic, but it seems unfair.

It just doesn't tie into the other laws. If you use your car partially for business, you get to write off the part that's used for business. If you use a room or something partially for business, or your house partially for business, you get to write off the part that is for that business. For something like an internet connection, you would think you'd write off the percentage of it

that you use for business. That would make sense. Can I write off the Halloween costume that I did purchase but Chiz wouldn't let me wear on the show? Yes. I say yes. Yeah. I don't even think that's a close call.

It's a business expense. It doesn't have's a close call. It's a business expense. It doesn't have to be a successful bit to be a business expense. Can the man write off his haircut? He's got to be looking sharp for the show.

There's a precedent in there with boob jobs. There have been strippers who got boob jobs and could write them off. Yeah. Which is the first thing my head went to.

That's so fucking funny i don't i don't think i think you should be able to write off your haircut man i took my haircut you tip your hair person well yeah yeah how much is your haircut a hundred dollars damn what you pay a hundred dollars for a? What do you pay, Taylor? It's $25 for the haircut. I tip him $75. What? That's outrageous. He's a nice guy.

He does a good job. My haircut is $20, and I always tip $5. My haircut is $16, and I tip $4, so I give it $20. And Colin and I go together every time, so it's $40. My guy cancels on people when I call him. $75 tipping. Dude, that guy fucking loves you.

I think so. No wonder your hair looks so great all the time. Oh, just shiny and magnificent. Yeah. He's a, he's a cool guy. We always have a great conversation.

He knows he always remembers my name and what I'm up to. He's asking about my legal shit and we talk about that and he talks about his life and I know about his kid and I know about his side jobs where he works a little bit in the entertainment industry doing some hair and stuff for some

TV shows that are based in the Atlanta area. Chill guy. I like him a lot. I like my hair short. It's because of the hell i flew right before the show i flew in the middle of the day rode some thermals landed that's helmet hair when it's short i'll take it i wake up it looks like this when it's longer i feel like it might even look better but only when it's at its best yeah mine's pretty short right now it may be hard to tell i got a haircut maybe a month ago yours Yours is often hard to tell.

I'm overdue. Your hair, to me, Kyle, almost always looks pretty similar. And then you'll be like, here's how long it really is. Yeah, and it goes down. It's outrageous. It's like to hear it right now. But it's hard to tell when it's down to here because it's all getting swished over. And the sides are super short.

Even on the sides, I'll just kind of push the sides straight back. So I've got these wings sticking out behind my ears. I'm getting so many grays now on the sides of my head. Like I'm starting to pick a lot of them up. You have a couple grays down there? Yeah, my beard a little bit over here. No, gray in the beard is cool. That's a cool look.

It's very distinguished, very Mel Gibson-y. That's not a good look mel gibson's gray beard mel gibson is jacked and he has the best beard on earth say what you will about him making those jesus movies but his beard is is on fleek as the kids say don't say that ever don't say on fleek ever. Oh, God. I think that's one of the ones where like, yeah, you know, language evolves. No, no, not this time. On fleek. Is that from a rap song?

Everybody says oof now when somebody does something kind of cringy. And to me, now I say it. I can't help it. But to me, right from the beginning it was like isn't this something that like teenage girls say because like if someone does something cringy and you comment oof oh oh f yeah yeah yeah i i almost want to type oof when somebody types oof i can't handle cringe content very well i'd rather watch somebody get beheaded than someone sing on a stage badly at a

talent show i was watching um maybe it's like crit maybe it's cringe i don't know what i was watching but it was the subreddit where like guys try to kiss girls and they don't allow it oh no that sounds so i watched like eight of those in a row and i felt so awful like like one of them he like leans in and she does like like that like like she's like she's like putting some sort of ollie shuffle on this guy with the head movement what was it called oh you remember maybe cringe pics cringe pics that's what oh that's not what they have though it's all sorts of different things yeah well yeah it's a little bit everything yeah it's cringy stuff you know there's the one that's sort of famous where kids holding a like a mixed drink type thing it's got a little it looks like it's like it's a frozen

drink with some food on top and an umbrella and his mom posts it to her facebook and she's like it's a virgin and he goes thanks mom and she goes i meant the drink get your mind out of the gutter and it's like no mom everybody took it the way that he took it you out of touch jerk you just post a picture of your son holding a beverage and call him a virgin that's how everyone else on the planet read that just now you just really humiliated your son on the internet that cunt yeah cunt of the week but there's a lot of them of guys going in for the kiss and getting denied and it's those are hard for me to watch i feel real bad one of my friends got uh i was at a cardinals game when we were much or i guess probably not much younger maybe we were like late high school and they did a kiss cam and he,

we were all three of us in a, in a row where it was me, him and his sister. And they zoomed in on him and his sister. And he had to like, do the thing of like, it's my sister. I'm not going to kiss my sister.

Like that thing. And it was even that I felt myself being like, why don't you, why don't you grab him further away? Why don't you grab him, pull him close and plant one on him, man. That would have been good for our friendship.

Just, just alpha male, the entire stadium. I don't think that's what I would this yet. Oh, don't mess with grandma. Public freak out. This is a really good subreddit. This is a really good video. Alright, I'm ready.

Alright, so if you're watching, do you see my mouse? This is a grandma right there. Keep your eye on her. Ready, set, play. This one. keep your eye on her ready set play this one woman's jumping in grandma says

no you don't puts a rear naked choke on this bitch she's out wow GG that was fast good for you grandma Wow. GG. That was fast. Good for you, Grandma.

Grandma's got skills. Oh, she locks it up. Why don't they give public medals for things like that? Oh, that's great. Yeah. If you're not defending that rear naked choke at all, and especially if you're a girl with no muscle in your neck or even fat, you know little bird neck she defended it the wrong way she so people yeah yeah she put the arm on her and like so the arm goes here and then the other one sort of holds it it's hard to give

yourself a naked choke you don't pull on the arm you pull on the arm that that's locking it in the other arm it's not intuitive and uh she pulled on the wrong arm and there she is laying on the ground yeah yeah she is she went out in four seconds that was great that was fun to watch uh she has linked some other videos one of them is a grandma getting kicked in the face on the subway i don't want to watch that again i didn't want to watch it the first time some random guy just kicks a black grandma on the face like twice oh Oh, I saw that. That's fucked. And he's like, put that on world star. N-word. And then walks off the subway. And it was just like, why did you guys record that?

Why did nobody defend that old granny getting her face kicked? Probably because the kind of person who would kick an old woman in the face on public transit has a knife and a criminal record. Hmm. Not my grandma. Well, I mean, I know your grandma doesn't have a knife. No, he's saying it's not my grandma, therefore I don't need to do anything. I ain't jumping in. That's not my granny. Imagine posturing like that in the middle of that situation.

That guy's lucky that's not my grandma. Because then I wouldn't sit here and avert eye contact i would definitely be mr hard i was fucked yeah i don't like i don't like to see grannies getting kicked in the face so i don't even want to watch that video frankly everyone puts themselves as like the superhero position when shit goes down but But most people aren't. Hell, I saw litter last week and all I did was thumbs down. I liked my story. Should have crashed right into him.

Yeah, ran him off the road with my truck. You could do it. That is what you should have done. Yeah, it seems like an overreaction. I would have taught him a lesson. I bet he he'd be done littering he'd never litter again he'd be done littering now you're the trash like mr. planet very focused on one crime superhero captain planet I was going for I wonder if that captain planet i'm the petty theft superhero if you steal anything over 500 you're someone else's problem that's kind of what peter parker

does right like spider-man is the friendly neighborhood spider-man he's not like you're just there for like atm thieves he is he's like if it's something that could be handled in small claims court it's peter parker's on the job yeah yeah it's it's an interesting thing kind of like batman a lot of ways you know batman did a lot of like just beating up thugs in the street that's true yeah yeah kyle what's the smell that you hate but most people don't seem to mind. Shit. The first one that came to mind for me, I'm in a world where people think gasoline smells good.

Yeah, it smells good. Depends what kind of gasoline. High octane gasoline smells really good. Like if you've mixed oil in the gasoline for like a lawnmower or or like a weed eater or something that smells bad to me but um like especially the exhaust well exhaust is different but um but get high test gasoline smells good to me for sure and uh exhaust from high test smells really good and burning rubber smells really good to me those are all like probably because i enjoyed the racetrack so much and those three smells are just really prevalent there and they're connected with fun and excitement to me but i i

dig those smells a lot i i got more answers of smells that i like that i think others don't enjoy like the opposite of what you asked i i don't mind the smell of skunk you know i that doesn't it's kind of i i don't it doesn't bother me i kind of like it and i want my house to smell like skunk. Right. I'm not putting on any skunk perfume or anything like that. But if I smell skunk, I take a deep breath. I'm like, yep, that was a good one. Four pounder at least.

Yeah. Past tense. Yeah, no worries there. I had garlic butter the other day that I was dipping my snow crab in. And like I left the bowl sitting on the table and like the next day i was sitting there watching tv and just smelling that garlic butter was disgusting for me like i had to throw that away immediately and wash the bowl to like eliminate that stink from my life i was uh so i i said i was on a trip this past weekend for a few days with my dad and my brothers

going skiing. And, you know, I know Kyle, you don't have a younger brother. What do you have a brother, but he's not an older brother. So it's not, it's a little different, but you always think of the stupid shit that you did and the silly shit that you did. And you never fully think about your, your doing that and we were talking about just like dumb shit that we did in high school or whatnot and my brother was like oh yeah we we used to do something called the dippity dippity dumps and i was like what he's like yeah when me and some of my friends in a group text wanted to take a break from class we'd text dippity dippity dump question mark. And then all three of us would go to the bathroom, get in a stall, pass chaw to each other, and then dip while we dumped for like 20 minutes and just chat in the bathroom.

Wait, are they sharing a stall in this scenario? No, they're sharing a can of dip. No, but you said get in the stall and are they sharing a stall in this scenario no they're sharing a can of dip no but you said get in this stall and dip while they dump i think i'm exactly quoting you so it's three stalls and they're all in the three stalls handing their dip to each other so get in a stall has more than one meeting right if they all got into a stall i'm like all right that's a tight fit but okay and then you said and then they take a dump and i'm like wow this is a close bunch of friends but i was just asking i was like why what did you what would you say when you would do these 30 minute bathroom breaks all the time like you just show back up and they didn't care

and he was like yeah as long as you just say kind of loud if the teacher asked anything that you had diarrhea no they never ask a follow-up and i was like first of all i'm proud of you for having the confidence to say loudly in the room where were you for the last 20 minutes i had i had diarrhea again what do you eat just i'm on the kyle myers diet a lot of taco bell and just surprised me because like nothing sounds worse to me. I think I've tried chewing tobacco a handful of times in my life. And it is fucking gross, dude. Yeah, not a fan.

It sucks. There's a high involved, though, which I don't... Right? Yeah. Yeah, it gives you a ton of nicotine all at once. Which, the times I've tried it, it just makes you feel dizzy. Yeah, dizzy. And pale. You just feel dizzy and pale and shitty and you're like i vomit yeah you i've never vomited from it but i i feel i totally understand how that's possible i had a friend once who we were i guess for maybe 16 17

and he started dipping because he was like oh this is cool this is what cool kids do and we were at a party once in a friend's basement and i was just talking to him and i was like zach you haven't spit in like 15 minutes like what are you doing he's like ah no ma'am i've been doing it long enough i can just gut it and gut it just means that you swallow the spit and i was like man that's that's disgusting dude like just start spitting he's like nah dude nah it's fucking easy once you can do this for a while you can just gut it three minutes later he's like almost vomiting his lungs out in the yard violently like it's it's the vomit sound not of even like the flu like we've all had the flu and like the stomach flu where you vomit and

it's shitty this was like a vomit sound of your body in emergency mode like this has got to get out this has got to not be in anyway dip sucks it's gross yeah it's gross then in particular it's grosser than cigarettes i think by far oh yeah it's grosser than cigarettes, I think, by far. Oh, yeah. It's grosser than cigarettes, but it's more private. Like, you can dip. True. And, I mean, it's gross. It's gross. But it doesn't, like, make everyone else join in your grossness like cigarettes do.

If someone was like, you got to smoke 10 cigarettes in the next two hours, or leave this dip in your mouth for 20 minutes. I'd take the cigarettes. Oh, I take the cigs 100% of the time. Question for Taylor. You need to share a lazy boy recliner with another dude for whatever, an hour. Do you want that guy to dip or smoke? Like go, but is he smoking right next to me or is he going outside?

Oh, right next to you. You're sharing a chair, a big comfy chair. comfy chair even then man i'm going with smoking like i would rather i don't have the stigma for cigarette smoke as much just because when i was little my grandparents smoked in the house and in the car with us with the windows down and everything or windows up rather like all the time they hotboxeded you. Yeah. As a little kid, I would always like smell cigarettes and be like, Oh, it reminds me of grandma. Why are them kids so damn energetic?

As I'm, you know, getting their secondhand tobacco. Sit still back there. Yeah. The smell of cigs doesn't bother me nearly as much. I swear I can't move around. I can't even,

I adjusted this mirror four times. I'm super sensitive to cigarettes i'm sure every non-smoker is right like like smoker sat in this car in 1993 like it's it it just i've got another rental car right now and after i had the air going for a little bit i had that exact same thing yesterday when i got it i I was like, cigarettes. I knew it immediately that someone had smoked in that car. But the sight, smell, and

sound of someone going, That grosses me out more than any cigarette smell. That bottle of spittle. I don't like knowing that bottle is existing in my proximity. Agreed. I don't like knowing that bottle is existing in my proximity. Agreed.

I would rather have that person blow cigarette smoke into my face than see a bunch of bottles and cups. You're sharing this lazy boy with this gentleman. He's either going to smoke ten cigarettes this hour, he's going to be chewing tobacco the entire time, or he's going to shoot up with

black tar heroin right away. I think the heroin... And you have to help him tie off. Does heroin smell like anything? No! Okay, well then I'll take the heroin. It's just a syringe, right? And then afterwards, if I understand it right, he's going to enjoy the beauty of every raindrop.

Then, uh, yeah, do that one. Of course. And the positive thing also about the heroin is once he's high on heroin you can just push him out of the lazy boy and you've got it to yourself i really thought we were gonna get double snuggly on this like once he's high on heroin he's mushy like a puppy or something oh once he's out man you can just reach your hand in his pants and jack him up i just like just. Just as a prank, though. Just like boys being boys.

Like, ha ha, man, while you were high on heroin, I jerked you off to completion. You must feel so gay. That's what me and my friends do. My dog Ender loves to be hugged so much, it's hard to describe how he just melts when you do it. And that's how I imagine a guy on heroin to be. Just sort of melty over there. Snuggly. I like that example because you really showed that

in that situation, the heroin guy really is the best option. At least he's not spitting little bits of heroin into a bottle and leaves on your counter as though that's okay because it's not okay. It's disgusting. It exists in my proximity and it's yucky.

Now, the guy next to you is either going to be chewing tobacco, smoking cigarettes, or he's going to freebase a bit of methamphetamine over there. Now, if you're not familiar with freebasing, he's going to use a bit of aluminum foil. He's going to place these crystal rocks of methamphetamine on top, apply a blowtorch underneath, and using some sort of a straw-type implement, he is going to inhale the vapors that are produced. But he won't be borrowing any of the house's spoons.

But you might get a little methed out by this scenario. He is Freeb free basically there isn't a whole like contraption containing this some of it might sparkle over and you might get a little meth-y is there anything like propofol or whatever it is that i like no it's not that smell really bad i have no fucking idea and i never want i think it smells like cat urine i i i i have no idea and i never want to know i think i heard you're right once it's melting am i right yeah it smells like vinegar or ammonia cheese like a window cleaner or cat pee okay window cleaner doesn't smell bad honestly in that situation i'll take the cigarette guy yeah right i looked into it because i guess i vaguely

entertained the idea of going breaking bad. I'm like, what does it smell like? What is it that they're dealing with all the time? Local North Carolina man who already had enough money to pay his medical bills got into the meth trade. Because it seemed cool on TV. When being arrested, he said, Please stop. It's a bit. Upon further inspection into the kind of show

Mr. Woodworth runs, we only had more questions. Oh, no. He does the show weekly with noted felon and Neanderthal. Oh, no. Yeah. He does the show weekly with noted felon and Neanderthal. Oh, that's good shit. Yeah, I agree. Like, if I'm smoking a cigarette, then you can smoke a cigarette. But if I'm not smoking a cigarette, you can't a cigarette but if I'm not smoking a cigarette

you can't smoke a cigarette that's the way smoking is for me if we're drinking well that rule would work for me too yeah when I hang out with Chiz I often will smoke one of his cigarettes he's got

he quit when we started using the vape sponsor. He picked those up. Yeah, he's been off the cigs for months now. Good for him. Yeah. But in times past, like whenever I'd hang out with Chiz, I'd smoke with him for sure.

Because, you know, he's going to be going outside and drinking his coffee and smoking a cigarette. And what I'm going to do is sit there and twiddle my thumbs. You know, I'll smoke one of those. The social aspect of smoking is the best part i would imagine yeah yeah for sure what was your smoking like when you smoked kyle like what did you smoke and like were you a pack a day half pack a day at five i've been up to it i've been up to pack a day um for sure for long periods of time i started smoking cools uh the green pack cool with a K. Yeah, those are menthols.

Yeah, yeah, I've always smoked menthols. That's all I would ever smoke. Like Marlboro Lights and Marlboro Reds taste like cardboard to me, like American Spirits, all that shit. It tastes like a dry, tongue-drying sort of wood, like dry hickory burning, or really cardboard. Like if you think about the way cardboard would taste, if you've ever bitten into some cardboard,

like tearing a box open, that sort of... Very woody and not good. Like a bitter woody taste. And I really despise the taste of tobacco. But menthol, I like. And then like maybe... I don't know. When I got off the cools, I discovered Marlboro Smooth.

They're light blue. And they're not menthol. They're not minty. They are pepperminty, which is superior in every way. It's more of a sweet peppermint thing rather than like a breath mint type thing. There's a difference. I don't know. And I smoked those forever. Those were what I smoked the most of.

And, you know, like half a pack a day was probably about average. But if I was working or if I was driving, like especially if I'm driving, like when we were doing road trips or something like that, I could definitely go through a pack a day because smoking in the car was just a thing. Everybody I knew smoked. And, you know, a good song comes on the radio,

I'd like a cigarette while i listen to this good song you know or this guy lights up well i'm gonna yeah give me one of those too and uh so yeah yeah was it tough for you to quit yeah yeah it definitely was for the for the first maybe two weeks i was real shitty uh really like just cranky all the time yeah like like kind of on edge like um just a real shitty person uh just just just prone to being i was easily frustrated i think that's the best way to put it is like i i would very easily get frustrated with something like if someone said the wrong thing or i didn't feel like they were opening the door efficiently enough or something like that you know it's it's like bitch are you really trying to carry three

boxes through the door if you just got two you gotta you have a free hand and you carry twice as many boxes in the long run what are you doing i don't know man i can't count too good just being a jerk uh but but that you know that passes and then it's just like you'll find yourself sort of i don't have anything to do with my hands anymore so what do i do now you get a fidget spinner no you don't i'd rather die uh but but i uh i haven't smoked my ebay or not um or my jewel in a while i kind of lost my Juul. I don't know where it is. They stopped selling the flavors I like.

It's a whole thing. But I haven't been vaping in a while either. Yeah, there's a whole legal thing where all the flavors I would hypothetically like, they get rid of. They're like, oh, no more watermelon, no more juicy fruit or whatever flavors I might enjoy. Now they're flavored like bleach bleach tobacco or ammonia adult flavors and you're like well fuck none of those sound good to me so what you've got to do and you know do this at your own risk you can buy the bottles of the vape juice and they can be whatever flavor

that you fucking want and then you take the little vape cartridges that go into like an abay or a jewel and if you carefully you if you got a little toolpe cartridges that go into like an eBay or a jewel. And if you carefully, you, if you've got a little tool that's appropriate, the kind of like screwdriver you might use to work on eyeglasses, like those crazy tiny flatheads, you pop that bitch open, fill it right back up with whatever flavor that you want,

pop it back on and you're good to go. Probably 10 times cheaper. So much cheaper. I know people smart i know someone who does it and it is infinitely cheaper because you get like a container of stuff that's a juice they call it juice which is a little i i don't like that they call it juice uh but like you get a bottle like it's a juice right it's not a syrup it's right it's sort of a syrup. I wish they called it syrup. For some reason, juice sounds almost like a bomb. I don't like juice because you drink juice.

You get a bottle of it this fucking big that lasts forever. That'd be like two or three months worth of juice for like $10 or something like that. Whereas a couple of those cartridges and it's just a little work. You take a syringe and you put the stuff in the cartridge and you snap it back together.

What is the eBay experience like? Is it meant to use a bottle like that? None of them are meant to do what I'm describing. But with a tool, you can force them to do it. Because they had to get the juice into that cartridge somehow, right? You just have to open something that's not meant to be opened. I didn't know if eBay had generic reusable cartridges or something. No.

That messes with their business model. Right. They're the give away the... What is it? Give away the razors, the blades for free? I'm fucking it up. Give away the razors and charge a lot for the blades, right? Yes. The handles and then charge a lot for the blades. Right? Yes. For the handles.

The handles and then charge a lot for the blades. Right, but there is a saying that says it so much better than we are. And I don't know what it is. The saying is give away the razor handle part that goes in your hand. Charge what some would say

an inordinate amount for the fixtures to attach yeah that's the the you know the quick quick saying yeah i i uh i know you guys are lucky and you have good eyes but every time i'm on like the end life cycle of my contacts in my glasses, I'll realize like, I've either lost my glasses. One, I lost my glasses. I don't know where they are. I paid $300 for those glasses. I think 350 because I paid for the slimming lenses. So I look cool and not like Coke bottles, you know, like a, like an asshole. And some comedian does a bit about this where he'll be like, oh, you can, you know, if you want this from the store, you go and get it.

But your eyes, your very eyes that you could fix, I think it was Brian Regan, your very eyes you can fix at any point, he'll just go, nah, nah, I won't do that for now. And so every time after like two years, I go back to the eye doctor and get more shit, I'm blown away again. Because it's like you get to re-experience good sight because your sight goes away so slowly that you don't even realize how

much worse it's gotten until you get re-upped and then the doctor has to be like oh wow your eyes are still getting worse my eyes are not great right but? But they're good enough. I can live life. Everything is fine. I can read what's on the computer without glasses. Everything is okay. Sometimes when I read little things, if I read my phone for an extended period of time, I'll put on my reading glasses.

But for day-to-day life, I once got glasses. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to wear glasses. I'm going to experience sharp vision. And the whole world just seemed a little meaner all the leaves had sharper edges that nice brick smooth texture i was accustomed to was suddenly rough and aggressive looking and i was like you know i like woody vision fuck it this is nice here i live in a better world than you assholes do it's all all rounded edges and smoothness. That's so fucking funny.

You just are like, nah. Woody vision is better. I can still see the signs far enough away. I can always tell when I need new stuff when I'm driving at night. And do you guys get the halo effect around lights? If I do, it's legit, though. It's like because of the wet windshield or something. I get the halo effect around lights if i do it's legit though it's like because the wet windshield or something i i get the halo effect bad like if i took my contacts out and i look at a light like

first of all if i was looking at this screen without my contacts and it would just be a blur it would just be an area where light was i would be able to tell that there was movement when you guys were moving but i wouldn't be able to recognize who you were. You're so blind. It's easy to forget. I would only know who you were because I could probably discern Woody's background palette. Let me ask you this. Kyle would be harder.

So you're big and you're strong, but you're blind. Would a much weaker opponent be able to best you in a spear fight, do you think? I love this topic. If I don't have my contacts? We're all natural, okay? We're cavemen people now. The way it would be for me is like... How big is Taylor's dick in this rust

scenario? It's like a nerd rope. We've established it. The way it would be like if Kyle, let's say you're shirtless with your spear you know we're both ready to fight like i could discern your body shape and where you were so i would be able to still stab you but the difference is like if i were to see your arm like the way you see my arm end right here i wouldn't that. I would see there would be a couple inches of fuzziness on the outside where I wouldn't be able to exactly tell where your body ended.

So I'd be strafing a lot and poking and jabbing. Would you be able to defend against any of that, you think? It depends how close you got because I'm nearsighted. How about spear length? If you were within six feet. Exactly eight feet, because that's all I got here. Yeah, I wouldn't do well in that fight. It would be, first of all, really scary,

because it wouldn't just be you I was trying to see. I wouldn't be able to tell if there were stools or things, like low things that I could trip on. Like that would easily blend in for me. Perhaps a jungle cat coming to third party. Yes. A jungle cat coming to third. Nothing would fuck me up.

So yeah, I don't think I would do that. Well, that that's the most disheartening part of me thinking about survival or prepping things. Like I'm never going to get into that, but it's still interesting to look into just being like, yeah,

wait, if you if you stocked 20 years of food water defense shelter you're still only good until your last pair of contacts or your glasses break you'd better learn optometry and with some of that time you've got that's the ultimate prepper thing for someone with eyes as shitty as mine is stockpiling glasses like i would need like 12 pairs of glasses you might be a valuable community resource too oh for sure i never even thought about that one as one of the resources that's you'd use them to like push one of those like wheels that grinds flour all day that would be my whole job. You'd be good at it, Taylor. You're built for pushing shit. Look at you.

You'd be the best damn flour pusher maker thing around. That's one of the best parts. It used to be useful as a fighter. Then those last pair of contacts dried out and crisped up and now it just makes all the bread. My vision is bad in that if it's an older coin,

I have a hard time reading the date on it. If I were to flip over a plastic toy where it says made in China or Hong Kong, I can't read that very well. That's where my vision is. People will like when I take my contacts out and I still have to change an alarm or something on my phone. I have to go like this. Like this level of distance between me and my phone for me to read stuff oh i've gone the other way like sometimes my vision's better than other times and i'll be like you know what a little longer one eye seems to do the trick right now i've i've had the doctor

warn me about that he's like and do you often find yourself closing an eye to get a better sight? And I'm like, well, yeah, I've done that since I was a kid. My left eye is the shittier one, so I'll go like that and see a little clearer. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Usually you don't want to start doing that until you're much older. Even older than what you are. But yeah, you guys are fucking lucky. I was always jealous as shit of people with good eyesight.

It's never even been something I've experienced. So I don't even know. Yeah, it's real nice. Like I couldn't read the board when I was six. Did you get good seats all the time though? Good seats weren't the front of the class. I mean, I can't ever sit close enough that I could see it well. I just remember going home and not doing a homework thing right

and just telling my mom or dad, like, yeah, I can't see the board. I don't know what she's writing down. This would be an interesting experiment. Alternate universe, right? We take Taylor, we make his last name Woodworth. So in every fucking class, we sit him in the very back corner and he becomes a clown. Then we take Woody and we fuck up his vision.

So in every class, he's front and center right next to the teacher. How do our academic experiences change? Well, if I'd known I... Woody, if I'd known I could have just thrown lie in your face and it would have helped you out in life. Believe me, you... Your father stopped me from

doing that. If once, a dozen times. It was not for your academic performance. I was just looking to throw some pain down. I still got the lie. I really think the Woodworth last name, which had me sitting in the back, they arrange this alphabetically most of the time. I don't know if you guys are the same. I sat in the back of almost every... I was last 90% of the time. If I wasn't last, I was second last. I'd always be in the back of the room.

We always had randomized seating. That would be more fair. You would just put names into a bin and pull them out and just assigned you. Now, that's a better idea. Do we have any outros? No.

Alright. I hope you guys like the show. Thank you for the Patreons for half the questions. PKA432. Oh, and there might be a hangout coming up so check your email.