Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #434

Episode Date: April 19, 2019

On this week's PKA, everyone's favorite Jewish Canadian bacon man is back, Harley Morenstein of Epic Meal Time has returned to spit Game of Thrones theories before the Season 8 premiere, then Kyle shares with everyone his genius cow-steak investment fund and the fellas briefly go over their NHL fantasy brackets and the consequences that will fall upon Taylor & his cockiness.

Thank you already. Episode 434 with our guest, Harley. Kyle? Couple of sponsors tonight. Express VPN, SmartMouth, Goat.com, and LendingClub.com. Yeah, we'll get to them later on in the show. But yeah, we got Harley on. Should be a good time.

Super excited to have the only Canadian in the world who's not into the NHL playoffs. Yes. That's true. Yeah. As the playoffs begin. There's about a dozen of us across the country okay well that's like got the coolest one population you got the coolest one the other ones are mentally challenged that's why they're not into it do you guys hate the french canadians do you give them

shit i always wonder if there was a rivalry there with regular canada and french canada i live in uh i live in montreal and if i hold the door open for a French-Canadian, there's like an 80% chance they won't say thank you. Really? That's the extent. That's like Canadian rivalries. That's the extent right there. It's like he didn't say thank you. You got to do that little move where you knock their foot behind the other

for the trip, teach them a lesson. Oh, my God. They're French. They'll just surrender school surrender yeah that was high school remember holding your hand like this by your penis and then if you got somebody to look you could punch him in the arm lots of classic yeah yeah now that's the white power sign yeah now now it's now they've taken fun pranks away from us it was uh i i used to do this move called Parasite, where as one of your friends walking, you run up behind him and you like full speed jump

and wrap your arms around his like neck and piggyback, but you wrap your legs like around his thighs and try and like lock them. So if you get a mid step, he fully falls face forward. But it's important that when you jump on his back, he go Parasite and like he falls. Dude, you're like six foot seven. I wasn't, I wasn foot seven i wasn't i wasn't i used to only be i used to only be six two so but you know what strangely enough a lot of my friends were very tall like amir who just left

also is like six four so like whenever me and my friends hung out we were all like just like mutants like looked like something was wrong with the water in our area or something like that just like mutants. Like, looked like something was wrong with the water in our area or something like that. A little growth hormone in it. That's a good mutation to have. Just being tall. No, because your dick is unaffected,

so it looks really small in comparison to everything else. Oh, I didn't know that about super tall guys. That sucks. Taylor, maybe you've been judging tall people harshly all this time. That's why it's nice to be a midget, though, because the same is true for midgets. Their dicks are unaffected. So tiny little frame, but normal size cocks.

You're like, it's half my body, baby. Yeah. I wonder what Vern Schroyer's dick looked like. Because he had that kind of dwarfism that seemed like to have a touch of retardation in it. He was literally like. Rest in peace, first of all. I feel like it has his face also like it is like it looks like him his mini mini me harley he i can't wait to talk to you

about the three body problem i am at the edge of my seat have you done you finish all three yes fuck i'm halfway through the last book oh you lapped him so no spoilers i'm so happy you liked it i actually i actually recommended it to pewdiepie also uh-huh he read the first one and then he hit me back he was like i rarely read sci-fi and it was interesting he's like but uh yeah maybe i'll check out the other ones later but i thought the second book was way more like interesting and easier to follow than the first book dude i that is my the core so okay the three body problem is a sci-fi book is the author a physicist or something the fuck it's like the inverse of star wars

so he's whatever he's everything he's all the smart things star wars next gen is like 90 story and 10 science that's kind of right this is like 90 science and 10 story now the story is compelling but like my brain while listening to this series of books is like that kitten trying to hang in there before its life just like i don't go through my whole life thinking i'm a moron barely able to grasp these concepts but i'm like wait a minute so it's a black hole but it's a micro black hole hey remember i said that when we were talking no i said it's like when i brought it up i was like it's like really smart like it's like got real science in it and you guys are like like what and i was like ah shit how am i gonna yes because like i want to tell people about these like interesting conundrums and like twists and

and you learn things like like like lagrange point if that's how you say it if i remember correctly but it's like that point between the sun and your planet where something will always be in the same spot in the sky because it's that perfect distance and rotates at the same amount. And I'm just like, oh, that's like a full-on astrophysicist term that I would never learn in my entire life. There are a million of those. A million of them. We're like – I'm trying – like spatial awareness.

It's a certain kind of intelligence people who can understand bodies in relationship to each other and like i'm just like hanging on understanding this book at like a 90 level like oh i hope this part's not on the test because i don't think i got it the first book very smart the first book he does uh he's very asian looking that's what i'm saying yeah the first book was you know actually side sidestep one real quick and actually very racist but not that racist but it was race but it's not about it is kind of but whatever never let that stop when i was a when i was a kid i thought every single asian person knew

martial arts in elementary school no matter what i'd be like oh you can't fuck with him like he'll he'll beat up the teacher i've seen these these movies. Trust me. You don't know. All of them. If there's one thing I learned from Temple of Doom, carry on. Then I grew up. I realized I was wrong. But now I look at them. That sounds weird also that I said that.

But I mean now a lot of Asians I assume are usually very smart and well-read and know science and math. That's where I'm at now now he's got like a weird dig in his own wikipedia article it says lou is married and has a daughter his wife and daughter almost never read his works he wrote this why would you include that in the dude's wikipedia he did that himself he's like oh it shall be noted that they don't read my works he should talk shit about them in his books she had no problem spending money from the book but she can't sit down and read it dude this if you guys are at all interested in like a sci-fi book they're long i think all three

of them together are going to be like the first one is like hours really heavy the first one was really heavy the second one i got more used to characters instead of concepts and it was like a lot less abstract it felt because i was able to ground myself more but i really like the second book and i'm halfway through the third and it's like very interesting i just i just kind of like slowed down for a minute but i'm so bad with names it makes me retarded all i really know is they're like... The audio... The guy that reads...

I listen to the audio books. I didn't read it. The guy that does the reading is so faithful to getting every voice right. That's how I actually know him. I'm like, right, right. This is the character whose name is pretty much Luigi. But I still don't know his real name. No, it's true.

It's like he'll be talking, and he talks like this. And then when he gets to the name, he's like, Liu Shichen. And you're like, whoa, he got super Chinese. Yes, dude, they do. The whole time, he's like American. And he's like, and that's when Liu Shichen realized. And you're like, oh, this guy, he's happy to pronounce Chinese names very accurately for us. Yeah, and like the same passion

that harley did i'll see the name written up like that's what that sounds like dude like that to help me understand this book i would sometimes read the wikipedia on what the next chapter was gonna be like i i did that too i know not not the same thing but what i did was like when the book was done the first book and then the second book i was like okay let me see if i got this right the cliff notes i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah i i started that's how i first did it i was like all right all right i just heard the first book let me see how close i came you know when i read the cliff notes i'm like you know what's really helping if i read an outline for what i'm about to hear and then i hear it like that's really helping me keep up with this book.

Dude, these books, if you keep up with these books effortlessly, then yeah, you know you're smarter than me. That's just true. Yeah. Because, yeah. But I really enjoyed it. It's a super sci-fi, super, super duper science fiction but like not – like it's more like almost like science reality fiction like if like star trek was reality and star wars was fantasy this is like even more real like not spoilers yeah real real like and this is like like astrophysics theory stuff going on like how are we going to fly super fast we're talking about curving light talking about you know micro black holes and

the evolution into how it would happen how societies might behave on like a psychological level if they were going to compete against each other it it's compelling it's not really it's not really spoilers because i feel like the first book still sets up the universe but the second book is like when the the issue starts but like these aliens are coming to earth and they're more equipped than us they're smarter than us they're better than us and through a series explained in the first book in a very complicated manner they've essentially put a virus on our planet where we can't progress in technology so we can't get smarter in technology because they've put a block on us

in a very smart way it's like a virus and we know they're coming and they're going to be here in 400 years and we're on the planet like what are we going to do and because of this virus they could see and hear everything we say and speak so the and i feel like writing what the Chinese endgame is. They're going to conquer all the rest of the lesser races and make us into slaves. Yeah, actually, it's funny. In my head, you said Chinese endgame, and I pictured an Avengers trailer, but it was just all Chinese guys,

and they were so sick. I'm Captain China. I might steal a piece of cheap shit. They put a limit on how we can advance our tech in a very specific way. So this thing, we can advance, but only advance what we sort of already have as tech. Yeah, exactly. And I realize that if this were to be a show, I feel like it would pick up on where the second book was.

But so as a planet, we're like, yo, what are we going to do? These aliens are coming. You know how humans are. Half the people are like, yo, the aliens are sick. Let's fucking go with them. Fuck humans. I'm on their side. And other people are like, whatever.

It's our kids' kids' problems. Who gives a shit? But then there are people that we genuinely need to figure it out. And they come up with this program called the Wallfacers. And the Wallfacers is so interesting it's four people are selected on the planet who are granted infinite resources for the entire planet to execute their plan on what they think the best way to defend ourselves from this alien invasion is but they're not allowed to tell anyone about it because

the aliens are listening and watching. So they have these three really smart guys, like a military general, like an ex-super scientist, whatever. Another guy, I forget. And then the fourth guy is just like this random dude that's like, why am I a wallfacer? There's like a U.S. military general and then like a guerrilla warfare dude, then a science dude. Yeah, exactly. And a random jackass. A random jackass. And random jackass and the random jackass is like why am I a wallfacer?

I don't want to do this. No matter what he can't say what his plan is. So the first thing he does is he goes to the woman and he's like I don't want to be a wallfacer. This is stupid. I'm a nobody and so I don't want to be a wallfacer. She's like if you don't want to be a wallfacer then you're not a wallfacer.

He's like good thank you and't want to be a wall facer, then you're not a wall facer. And he's like, good, thank you. And she's like, I get it. I get it. It's not a wall facer plan. Sure. You're not a wall facer. Let us know anything you need, Mr. Not wall facer. This is not the plan. I don't want to be a wall. And like, he ends up going and he's like, get me a, there's, I found out that there's like the most expensive wine buried. Like just found it in the ocean. He's like, bring that here, all the boxes. They're like, why? He's like, it's part of the wall facer plan.

He's like, I need a big mansion with a huge fireplace and I need tons of cigars. And he needs a woman. He defines his dream girl. He describes, he's like, I had a dream about this girl. She's like this, that, this, and he describes he's like i had a dream about this girl she's like this that this that and like this guy's like here she is and he's like how

she's like a five four with dark eye and dark hair literally and he's surprised he's surprised because that's his description and then she comes and he's surprised by that he's like how the hell it's really interesting that whole part because they're like this is not and it's interesting because he's like he doesn't want to do it so he's just getting fucked up and they're just like i don't know if this is part of the wall facer plan he's like don't you ever question a wall facer but then there's these other guys that are made that are and and none of this is spoilers because this is like it's just like i said it's like saying that there's jedi and sith kind of but these other guys exist to prevent the wall facers plans so they're on the alien side and they're humans you know they're called wall breakers wall breakers and each one is assigned to a wall facer and they observe these wall facers and they are the ones that

eventually will show up one day and be like i know your whole plan bitch and it's not gonna work because here's what it is and now the aliens know because i'm telling you what it is and obviously our regular dude everyone's like what's this guy's fucking plan they're getting drunk like i don't even have a plan i don't want to be here i didn't want to be here i thought the second book was super interesting the third book is also like i won't even tell you what the third book is about because it's like there's shit in the second. But yeah, awesome series, and I'm so happy that you finished it. I never – I recommended like 1,000 pages, 3,000 pages you read, and all of them are gone now or like 15 hours, however long. Dude, the audio – the third audio book is like 27 hours, and the second one's almost, I think, all together. That's why I got halfway through the third audiobook,

and I was like, Darren, and then I looked, and I'm like, oh, we're still, we're going. I got locked into that thing, and I feel smarter for having understood most of it. I'm proud of me. They reference some things. I'm like, oh, yeah, that. i'm like oh yeah that i'm like i know all about that yeah oh yeah that's a great point there's some mind-bending shit anyway if you guys

uh find you maybe you're a frequent long driver or traveler or something i sometimes do that and uh the three body problem is the first book or another important thing to us is for us yeah there's that the The Chinese Avengers. I can't stop thinking about that. I saw you smiling that whole time. I thought you were like... How about instead of Hawkeye, it's Slant Eye? It's really bad.

Come on, guys. Come on. No matter how bright the sun is, I can pee through it. Slant Eye, please don't fire me. You're hitting a lot of people. Guys, I'm trying to have fun, trying to have a good time, and now I'm, like, balls deep in racism. Like, full-on racism.

Welcome to my world. I'm half Chinese, so it's okay. Okay. Sure. I've always thought, like, you know when people are like, man, if I could go back in my YouTube career, what would I do? I was thinking about that today, and I was like, man, I would have pretended to be Jewish so I could get away with more jokes. Oh, absolutely.

You should have done that. At least take one down. Yeah. Then you'd be like, you know all these cheap kikes, right? They're so cheap. They're big, stupid noses. Like 10 years, it comes out. It's like, he hasn't even been Jewish the whole time.

That's the thing. You're like, oh, yeah, so what? I'll convert right now. Shut your mouth. That's like if you want to say like, like, like if you want to like, you know, be able to say like, you know, derogatory or whatever, like gay terms, whatever, like, you know, pop a dick in your mouth. Suck it till it comes.

Now you got a whole new, like a whole new realm. You can just convert to Judaism. S dick how committed are you to comedy Taylor? I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you one thing I'm already circumcised in regard in regards to your to your racist Avengers joke and racist Asian language I'll tell you one thing I've always and this came up actually when I was watching Dr. Disrespect because I

have watched him since like 2014. I always thought he was hilarious. I always watch when he does this like mock Asian accent. You know? And then like only like last year or two years ago, people got kind of touchy about it. And like, you know, it came up. Yeah, yeah. They got mad. And here was the thing. The thing was

this, and this was the debate, and I'll tell you where I stand. I feel like a lot of people will agree with me here, is I watch it and, you know, like he does his Asian accent at Chinese people and they yell at each other. And I find it very funny. I find it like 11 on 10 funny. And people were like, that's racist.

And he had said, he had had said like it's not racist like my he had said like his girlfriend his wife had some like asian in her and it wasn't racist because it's like a made-up dialect and it was like funny and it was whatever and i was watching that and i saw that whole thing going on i was like no this is important for me to say. It is racist. 100% it's racist. However, I like and can enjoy racist comedy. I can enjoy sexist comedy. If a guy was like, hey, like, you know, like, and told me a Jew joke and I was like, that's racist.

He'd be like, it's not racist. It's true. Then I'd be like, whoa. Like now it's not as funny so like i want to laugh at a racist thing i want to laugh at it because you know i i think like you know comedy i'm open to comedy being everything and just because like i believe in comedy it should be everything everything everything is uh like you're allowed to say anything but you got to be able to be like, I am now in the process of

making a racist joke. I am making a sexist joke. I've made the decision that some people could be offended and I have made the choice to, to the risk reward that I want this laugh or these laughs to exist. And if these people are offended, that's just, that's just the price of this attempt at comedy. so when i saw that and at first i don't know what his feeling is now but you know at first he was like kind of like oh like it wasn't race i'm not race i think you can make racist jokes and not be racist i think i don't think i don't think pewdiepie is a racist person and he said like the most racist thing you know like the ultimate racist word and i i still don't think he's a racist you know he knows

he said kill all jews i i'm jewish and he invited me to his house before like you know like when we met at this youtube event yeah it was a setup i wouldn't drink anything but uh see like i come down the same way as you like i even look at it like i feel like most people are smart enough to tell when there's malice and anger behind a statement as opposed to someone just trying to be funny and joke around but i wonder i i i like you guys are smart but i don't know if people are smart enough i'm only halfway with you guys and and here's where it is i don't like the comedy that makes fun of the weak right like if you were to when you make fun of i don't know like asian people or something they're not weak. They're fine.

When you guys pick on disabled people, and I've probably done it too, I don't love it. You know, like I think of my son sometimes when, you know, laughing at a guy with Down Syndrome or something. And it's like, oh, you know, like Colin has taught me to measure people in different ways. You know, typically you just measure people based on their like value to society, right? What job did they do? How much money? What does society value them monetarily? And then someone was making fun of the Special Olympics.

This is like two years ago. And Arnold Schwarzenegger replied and said, hey. Oh, I remember that. This is a teaching moment. That was a great reply. You know, and maybe you know it better than me. And he was like, you know, this person is a good a good person they have a good soul they're kind-hearted and i thought of that and i put it through my own filter and it's like yeah you know this person's not going to get a great job

but this person is nice you know and didn't win the genetic lottery and i don't love making fun of them so what if they're disabled through like an accident though well then it's fine i i guess you know it depends on how weak they are like so started that very very made fun of that a military veteran i forget his name there's an american congressman i think he has one eye and uh and they mocked him and he's like look i'm okay with this right like i'm a strong guy i can make but i would like it if you didn't make fun of disfigured military veterans and it was like huh you know but on the flip side of that was that uh his pete's dad i believe was killed in 9-11 so some people were

like that gives him the card to then talk about people through like and then it gets like confusing because then you can get to this such a gray area but like ultimately I agree with you you're supposed to always swing upwards in comedy yeah downwards that's why like I always felt like you know whether he thought he's talented or not I always thought that ricegum videos were so like the ones where he's like dissing Jakeake paul i'm like yeah sure go at it but then ones where he's like look at this 12 year old bitch's instagram what a fucking little idiot i'm like that's weird yeah that's like a that's a child so i don't know if i'm being a

hypocrite and being like don't make fun of my protected group just all the others or if it's like harley said you know swing up and and and leave the week alone you'll always be better off if you're if you're swinging upwards essentially at least that's what i think but is there a difference between like like if i saw someone walking through the park with a limp and a lazy eye i wouldn't make fun of them to their face but can't we make jokes in private like yeah we like't we laugh at it? Just four guys hanging out. If you think about Austin Powers, it's like you're making fun of like a lazy eye, like

a fat person. You're like kind of doing it all, but he did it so well at the time that it was just, it was hilarious. So it's tough to say, you know, like I really, I really don't know. I just like, I just want people to know being like, yes, I am making fun of mentally challenged people and I'm not being nice. But isn't it funny right now? You know, like there's like a limit to it. And if someone is there like getting hurt, then it's like, OK, let's let's stop for a second, you know.

like you definitely can't do like like a ching chong accent type dialect at chinese people live on a video and be like it's not racist i'm being funny i've literally watched that recently you're doing both the uh the onion did this thing so fucking mean if you haven't seen a chinese person you're like oh oh you rossed you having trouble getting around he did it on it is you're doing it on the headset it's like the same thing you know but that being like but then looking at like the 13 or 14 year old's not saying that he has a young audience but there are some there and being like it's not racist it's not because then they're like that's not racist okay they believe that you know but it's better be like this is racist let them know they're playing with fire and if you play with fire you can get burned this guy could like some guy if you do that accent he could backhand you at school and you could be like what

the hell not knowing that it was racist like you got to know you're playing with fire yeah i have a hard time with this like free speech comedies comedy no restrictions and and you know and then hypocritically being but there's one restriction on this group and it's a struggle for me well there are definitely things that like hit closer to home for people i'm a fat-headed retard and so when people make fun of people with fat heads i get very offended but i have to roll with the punches you know and so like i i really do come down on it like like i don't watch pewdiepie's videos and when i but I did watch the one when he was responding to the New York Times or Wall Street Journal or whatever, and he showed the full context clips of him making Nazi jokes. And it was like, in my head, I'm like, it is so obvious. He's trying to be funny and edgy and get a laugh out of people, and there's not any malice or hatred behind these comments.

And people, I think a lot of people realize that and look at it and attribute malice where there is none sometimes you may have to be explaining yourself fairly soon as well taylor you know if you have to wear that ku klux klan hood on the show oh good okay let's talk about what's going on here so so we bet on this is this gonna be the last time that i'm ever on the show it may be unless the nhl playoffs turn around my dog's my dog's staring at me back there yeah a little yeah that dog's adorable but uh we uh the other night like before i guess just last night before the playoffs started we made our brackets uh me woody kyle and chiz and just like put a couple bucks on it and more just the competition to see how much i don't agree to any

bet i think i think like five dollars okay i don't know uh i'm more in it for the competition that's the fun part and so i made my bracket made all my picks and chis woody made theirs and kyle doesn't know anything about hockey and so he was like i'm taking the opposite of all of taylor's picks and i was like oh come on like at least take a couple higher seeds like make it fair for yourself and i was like no i really don't fucking care and i'm like all right if you beat me i'll kill myself and you're like well don't do that or something and i'm like all right i'll wear a if you beat me i'll wear a that's all i'll wear a clan and follow through is killing myself and you're like i'll kill myself no i'm sorry bro i gotta do it so you're on stream yeah so i was like, I'll kill myself. No, I... I'm sorry, bro. I got to do it. Slit your own throat now. On stream.

And so I was like, yeah, I'll... You know, you beat me. I picked the most ridiculous thing I could think of. Oh, we're a clan hood on the show. And last night, all the games, there were six games that went down. I only got one of them right, and Kyle got five right. Oh, my God.

And so I might be in a bit of trouble unless things turn around in the first round because this even it even though i'm never gonna wear a fucking clan hood obviously like i told you i'd settle for a hitler stash i'm not doing that either that's a fine you can do that you can call it a michael jordan stash oh michael jordan michael j. But only if I also wear blackface, right? Jesus. What would be less offensive? If I showed up in blackface with a Hitler mustache? No, it's a Jordan mustache.

What if I just showed up with a Hitler mustache? That would be a real debate. You know, he could have been a normal guy and just showed up without the black face on. He would have been emulating Hitler. I had to look it up. Even though I could have asked you, I wanted to look it up anyways, but I was like, has there ever been a black guest on PKA?

Oh, yeah. Dame Drops. Dude, we had... Dame Drops, right? Who's the old school YouTuber who made a new song every week? He was our first one, I think. Yeah. He worked for Pepsi, too, I think.

It's really, honestly, the group we never have on is women. We've had some sex workers women on. We even had one chick with a dick on. I remember that. Did we? That's very tall. Yeah, audio only, but yeah. That must have been before my time.

Well, that was just us calling a Craigslist sex worker on the phone. Yes, yes. Well, that counts, I think. Oh, yeah. That doesn't count. It was so fucked because like- We worked hard to get her on the show. Also, chick with a dick is the preferred number.

That's what she said, yes. No, I'm picking on the weak. I'm an asshole when you go on craigslist and you find a sex worker to call to like it was meant i think for to be maybe kind of a pranky type call and to be silly and lighthearted and fun and it devolved into this thing for she's telling us how she was persecuted in thailand and had to flee here to be accepted as a human being and we're just just all like, shit, that's heavy. Dude, the PKA crew. You're like, but yo, so like, does your dick get hard?

We're not known for being all that tenderhearted. And we just broke down for this poor woman. Like, the hardships that she faced were rough. Oh, you know, in Thailand, they beat me. They supposed to kill my family. It was rough. It was rough. We also had a sex phone worker on. That They supposed to kill my family. It was rough. It was rough.

We also had a sex phone worker on. That might have been our first girl. Yeah. Yeah. I've got nudes of her somewhere. If you want to get on the show, you probably should put out. Not necessarily to us. That's how I got here. Guess who that was.

I don't want to guess who that was. Let us know in the comments. You guys ever have the Hodge twins on? No. No, I've watched their videos before, though. Yeah, not just them. No, they're workout guys, but they're also super... I think I'm pretty sure they're super political these days.

Yeah, and they communicate well. They're like, oh, yeah, the left is so stupid. Yeah, they're pretty right wing. They're super mega boys. Are they the two black guys who do instructional lifting videos? The two beautiful black boys. I watched the Hodge twins teach someone how to deadlift. BBB.

And then applied that to my son. Fixed his form. Or improved it anyway. That's good, yeah. Those are the guys. Am I wrong that I feel like the most racist thing that's been said is Harley calling those guys boys? Clearly Harley is the super racist.

He was going for alliteration. I was on a Nickelodeon show and I had a line. I was on a Nickelodeon show, and I had a line. You were racist on Nickelodeon? Go on. Accidentally, because it's not so, it's not like ingrained in Canada, really, that that's a racist thing. But like the line was, now listen to me here, son. And I'm saying it to a young black boy and I said

it was going and I like the lines changed a little bit I said now listen to me here boy and the writer came up and he's like that's kind of racist I was like what the line he's like no it's his son you said boy and I was like oh what's the difference he's like boy is just racist

and I was like alright I's the difference he's like boy is just it's just racist and i was like all right i'm like okay i believe you but uh okay i was like shit i'm accidentally racist now that was a way to denigrate black men as you would as white men would always you could be a 20 year old white man and you would call a 40 year old black man boy as a way to like you know keep him in his place and i read a little well i did this because he was nine of course a nine-year-old boy yeah yeah i know that you didn't mean it or and it wasn't gonna even gonna be interpreted that way probably i read on reddit the other day that the whole like trend of calling each other man like hey man what's going on man uh came from like world war ii where like black guys started

calling each other man as a way to like get that into the the the world of speech because they were just so tired to be called boy and then in the 90s they got me to say things with a bomb i still do i i think i may i may have said that i i think i might only refer to that with food sometimes i feel like only food can be bomb now. Okay. Anything can be bomb because anything's bomb, but I feel like the only time that I've said it in the last five years, well, I'll be referring to a food or something you eat.

I'll be like, oh, I have this. Trust me, it's bomb. I used to be really cool. I was really cool until about 1995, and then it stopped. So here I am. I was really cool until about 1995, and then it stopped. So here I am. Every fucking show, they give me a rundown on whether my shirt was for someone younger than me or older than me.

Every fucking show. And it's like, I've given up on age-appropriate shirts. I don't know what you people want. What do you mean, you people? I think maybe they're taking issue with the brand. I think it's... They took an issue with Hollister. Last week, apparently, I had a grandfather shirt on. I skipped right over my own age group.

Yeah, Hollister and Aeropostale is like... That's what I wore when I was 16. What did I have on last week? I don't know. They didn't like it, though. They said it was a grandfather shirt. Did you have a button down? Yeah.

I was okay with what you had last week. It looked a little warm for me. I don't know. They didn't like it, though. They said it was a grandfather shirt. Did you have a button-down? I was okay with what you had last week. It looked a little warm to me. I don't know. It looked stuffy to me, but I was fine with it. I thought it looked smart. To me, button-downs are just button-downs. They hardly even have brands. How do you even get a Hollister shirt? You have to walk into a Hollister, don't you?

I have no idea. They just show up on the rack, and I wear them. That's a very difficult thing to do walking into hollister the smell and like uh and the music the big pictures of 14 year old shirtless boys that's so insane i'm like i see that i like walk by and i'm like that's i don't want to look i'm completely unaware of any of this uh it's probably not even true but uh you know there's some guy who just goes and hangs out in hollister's never bought a thing just just looking at the pictures and no no like like this is not when it's times

where we're like fucking with you when you go into that store and and hollister especially like it seems like their thing is like they cater to like 14 year old chads so like there's lots of pictures of 14 year old chad's like shirtless on the beach and they already have like six packs and like packs and stuff and they're being a little too handsy with one another and there's like ocean spray behind them and stuff yeah it's really hot well i think jackie wears them online are we are we or buys them online is it maybe it's what is it abercrombie maybe we're making a mistake maybe it's abercrombie. Because it's the same people. They're the same company. It's the same people.

Yeah, they just have those two different brands. Yeah, all of those brands really are kind of that. American Eagle, to some lesser extent. I don't know. When Kyle said all of those brands, I don't even know the collection he's referring to. Yeah, I'm sure there's going to be... Leave a comment about how you like my shirt this week,

because you always do. Amazon Basics makes some pretty good polos and they're cheap as shit. And they don't have a big emblazoned Amazon logo or anything. All these things appeal to me. That'd be great if they had the Amazon logo. Prime. Those are employees, by the way.

The employees... Right outside in Germany. And that's like they wear their jackets because it's cold, but you still got to show their young abs. Yeah. And that guy's got a real, down the left's got a real third Reiki haircut. He sure does.

Oh, yeah. He for sure hates the other employee. I'll tell you what, though. That guy's like 14 years old, and his hairline goes to the middle of his head on that part. That shit's not lasting. You think so? Oh. My area of expertise.

This guy's fucked. Mine's been like that, too. And I was convinced I'd be bald now, but it's still the same. Hang it in there. My hairline. Let me hide that bad boy. It's been up here since the seventh grade. I'm like, now, but it's still the same. Hanging in there. My hairline, let me hide that bad boy. It's been up here since the seventh grade. I'm like, oh my God.

I'm like, I'm touching my head here? What the fuck? I'm like, and I used to be like, I'm bald. I'm a bald man. Oh my God. But it stayed here. It stopped. Been there since.

Hold the line, follicles. Yeah, maybe. Hold the line. That's what I'm hoping for i like calvin klein i wrote a lot of calvin klein stuff off amazon because that's that's where i do a lot of my shopping anyway now that i'm an adult i actually know what size i am and everything shoes are not good to buy on there for the most part i disagree i get my shoes once you know if you know your nike and your adidas size you can repeat online with them, you know? Yeah, I just say. Yeah, trying a new brand or a new style of shoe,

like a new, that's tricky. Could be. I'm just like, honey, some button-down short sleeves, and then they show up. I knew you weren't doing it. Oh, yeah, no. I knew it wasn't you. I was saying, I'm like, you don't walk into a Hollister

and smell that place. You don't know what it's like. I don't walk into a mallister and smell that place. You don't know what it's like. I don't walk into a mall. Unless I need an apple repair. I hate shopping. I like shopping online. I go off and on. I get through times where I'm like,

where I like it, and then other times where I'm like, no, I'm just going to keep wearing these things with holes in them. Literally like hash burns. like little hash holes, because I'll ash on myself accidentally. But I'll get these little holes, and I'll just be like, I'm fine like this. And it'll take my mom or a relative or friend to be like, yo, you got to buy new clothes.

You wear those pants every single day. And I'm like, it's denim. It washes itself. It's fine. It's right. It's denim. It washes itself. I'll be honest It's right. It washes itself. I'll be honest.

I've only got one pair of jeans at this point, and the rest of my jeans are all pajama jeans. But wait. You're like a descendant of farm families, no? Yeah. I feel like that's like a one-jean type of thing. No, no, that's not it. You rock those jeans until they're short. You got to have lots of jeans.

You got to have lots of pairs of jeans. I always assume it's one pair. But I've got, what I've gotten into is the pajama jeans. They're literally pajamas, but they have the appearance of like nice jeans. As long as you don't see the top of them. I'll tell you, elastic waistbands. Elastic waistbands are dangerous because you don't get that when i was at my fattest that's like a fat move you don't check

yourself you wear an elastic waistband for a couple months you gain 12 pounds and not know it everything's cool that's true have you ever done that thing where you wear the same pair of jeans for like three weeks and you're like well these are 32s i'm fitting just fine and then you wash them and you put on another pair of real 32s and you're like oh oh no absolutely i know that all too well i'm familiar with that dude i have a topic when was your last fat phase harley like the last time you were or you would consider yourself fat how long ago is that i'm like i'm like fat phase right now i feel like no you don't look like yeah but like just because i've never been like back to the as fat as i was on epic mealtime where i was like

i like hurt like 2012 or 2013 dude that's brilliant you break into the scene fat and then you'll be comparatively thin forever i had exactly i had so much like extra weight that like my like sciatic nerve was hurting. I had like a limp. My back was like curved. And like, there's like one epic meal episode, like fast food hors d'oeuvres. You'll see it. It starts off and I'm like walking to the camera and I'm talking. I'm like, I like watch it back.

I'm like, man, I was in bad shape. Then I went through like a crazy, crazy fitness health freak phase for two years. And then now I just try and not be that fat. Dude, I got a thing. That's the plan. So last year and the year before, for six weeks, I had a cough, cold type thing. Allergies, I thought. So this year, I'm like, I'm going to take my allergy meds.

One a day reliably i'm gonna nail it so i do i take these allergy meds and i didn't realize until like five days ago that one of the side effects of these allergy meds is your appetite goes up and you get lazy the fuck those are like the worst things and i'm like it's weed is it weed it's zyrtec or i forget the name of it like and uh so i'm just like trying to break into my spring every spring you know the sun comes out i turn into the best me i'm more energetic i start lifting weights and eating right and it just all tumbles into a better version of me. And it's like not happening until I figure this out. I stop taking these allergy meds and suddenly I'm back.

And I'm like, I wish I fucking knew. I wish I knew a month ago I'd be a month ahead of where I am now. But that happened. And the allergies here. I don't even know if I have allergies. I've been tested. They said I had nothing. Yet every spring I seem to have like an impact of pollen. And I've even know if I have allergies. I've been tested. They said I had nothing.

Yet every spring I seem to have an impact of pollen. And I've started sneezing when mowing. Happens to me. But I tested negative. So I don't know. Yeah, but that's not allergies necessarily. You know, your respiratory system doesn't like all that pollen in it. Whether or not you're having an allergic reaction to it or not is irrelevant. I mean, it's not irrelevant, but it's a separate issue.

If you're getting dust in your engine, it's not going to be good for your breathing and you're still going to cough and sneeze. I'm the same way. That's a good point. I never even thought, I just thought you were susceptible or immune. And that was the end of that. Yeah. I've been waking up with a sore throat and I've been coughing pretty bad recently. And I know it's allergies. And I started to take, I did the same thing. I've got, I don't, some sort of generic, they're like these tiny little white pills that I take for allergies and yeah like you nothing nothing changed I've still got the cough and everything so it's definitely just the fucking gunk in the air just clogging up my North Carolina has been change I get affected North Carolina has

been crazy this year for like I drove home this weekend and and i here i can like for people watching i'll show you the video i thought it was a forest fire the pollen was coming out of the trees i i'm not a an expert on this but in my head um i think it's because maybe we had like a cold end of winter start of spring and all the pollen is just dumping at once as like spring has sprung but the way that it rose out of the trees, I thought it was a fire. The pollen has impacted visibility around here. It's so thick and heavy. They're calling it the pollenpocalypse.

It's like a smog. Yeah. It looks like a Chinese city. Speaking of North Carolina, did you see the explosion today in Durham? I heard about it. Yeah, I saw the news reports of it. What happened?

There was a gas leak. One guy died. 17 people injured in reports of it. What happened? There was a gas leak. One guy died. 17 people injured in Durham. Damn. What the hell? I guess the gas line was punctured or some sort. I didn't look into it that deep. I could look it up. Could be terror. I have a topic I'm excited about.

The thing is, it's like... Eight people were in a coffee shop and they got out immediately because of firefighters pulling people out of the fire one person didn't one person didn't make it out a 61 year old dude the owner the owner of the coffee place he died in the blast that's so wild just that you think like you could be there chilling and then there's an explosion it must be so like like must be so insane to be doing something calm like having a coffee or whatever and then an explosion you must be like what's

happening like what's your like first thought you know what i mean you wouldn't even be in shock there's an explosion in my backyard yesterday i have no idea what it was i i'm sitting there watching good i swear to god i'm not exaggerating i agree it's not good i know it's a vote for not good i know a thing or two about explosions i'm sitting on the couch watching tv and a big fucking explosion happens like the house behind me and i mean it was just and like the house shook a little and i was just like the fuck And I go to the window I look and I see no smoke. I don't see my rubble or anything Imagine you in my head like lying on your couch and like watching TV in this huge explosion I mean be like what the fuck was that and then just going back and watching TV

Hello my friend neighbor who is currently able to shoot guns in no legal trouble it's not like the last time that I ever experienced like that it was a can with like contents under pressure being exploded dude it wasn't even a big explosion by

Russian standards but Kyle blew up it was either one or I think it was just one pound of tannerite. And my hair like blew and moved. Look at my hair. It is not easily rustled, right? It actually has like a crash protection factor, I think, built into it. So when I felt like kaboom, like my hair shake from the shock wave,

it was the biggest explosion I had seen to that point. Kyle, can you move? Yes. Okay. Yeah, Kyle's back. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm going to have to call my internet company and see what's going on. Don't call it right now! Let's do it right now! It's too big!

Yeah, let's sit on it for 25 minutes. Let me use my Jew abilities. Let me speak to your manager. No, your manager's manager. Do you understand how much I pay? I got other companies sending me pamphlets. They're offering me half.

I want to stay because I'm loyal. What are you going gonna do about my loyalty what are some uh are those is that a jewish uh tactic for getting it sounded like what i feel like this guy could get my cell phone bill lowered yeah oh my god i have like i have friends that call my sister hey lisa can you get my cell phone bill like lord i bet she'll call back she'll be like i didn't get your cell phone bill lowered but you do have a free upgrade for a new iphone now so they said that you're probably getting like or they'll call and be like yeah uh this month is free like she's got all the hookups slip me her digits makes it happen yeah i i pay way too much i don't the problem with cell phone

you either pay too much every month or every once in a while, it's like $1,000. And it's crazy. I didn't realize you could just call up internet providers and haggle with them. You can just call up. It happened like six months ago. Cell phone bills too. Yeah, I've never done the cell phone bill one. The markets of Marrakesh. The open air markets.

And I called and was like, hey, my... Bless you. Sorry. This pollen's making its way up here. That's the most, that's like a room built for sneezed echoes. That's what Kyle heard on his couch the other day. He's sneezing in your fucking enormous room.

That was terrifying. There's a thing here. Did you see this that Chizlink, that ESPN Plus, Hulu, and Disney Plus were going to create a bundle? I like that idea. Yeah. Very smart.

Because that sounds like whoever comes up with the like, yo, you just need type thing. Because like Netflix is like 70%. you just need type thing because like netflix is like 70 you just need this one kind of you know like 70 you could get away with just netflix and like you know your youtubes or whatever but like like that one sounds good like like disney and hulu yeah and espn like you're covering like some big you're covering children you're covering like the new up-and-coming movies. Not just children with the Disney thing.

You're going to get all of that Marvel content. They're about to make a TV show about every one of the fucking Avengers. The Simpsons is Disney now, too, because of the Fox merger. I don't give a shit about The Simpsons. The Simpsons isn't available anywhere in any of these services. That'd be nice to get it.

Yeah, I don't give a shit about them. I like Hulu, though. I like having Archer, and it's always sunny on there. And I've got to have ESPN Plus now because of UFC. It's the only way to buy pay-per-view. And, yeah, the Disney thing is going to be great because they're literally making TV shows about all the Avengers. That's a big deal.

Like all guys get a TV show. Yeah. When you threw in the UFC, maybe I'm an odd case like you in that regard, but it's like, oh, well, that's the one I want more than Netflix, I guess. Yeah, I gotta have it. You know, our...

That's a pirate reference. If your pirate accent was a little better. Better than my accent? Down in the RMA. Where were pirates from? The Caribbean. We know that we're speaking like this.

What accent is that? I like to think they're all actually Jamaican. I was born on this ship, man. I heard that like uh there was like i think it was like a japanese company they uh kept coming across these pirates i read something like along these lines so i might be repeating it a little messed up but ultimately they kept coming across these pirates and they taught them how to fish for tuna these pirates and like the the like the piracy on the seas in that area is down like 70 and all those pirates have real jobs now being tuna

fishers because the japanese people train teach a man to fish he doesn't pirate anymore that's how that goes i think now that's the one. So there were just a bunch of Filipino people or whatever it was around Japan, sailing around being pirates, and they never considered looking in the ocean for something to make money. Yeah, you're like, what are all these other boats doing out here?

It turns out these were fishing boats the whole time. The business is right here. It's right under you. Dude, I have a topic I'm excited to cover, and I want to get it while Harley's here. The issue is it's about a two-minute read. So if you're listening, buckle up. I'm going to try and do it.

Hold on a second. We're going to maximize my reading abilities. Bam. You look smart in those, by the way. I like them. Oh, well, thank you. All right. This is from the Relationship Advice subreddit.

This is not a post asking for legal or financial advice. We already have a lawyer to help financially. No offense to Reddit, but I'd rather not get legal advice from a forum. As the title states, the title is, My wife was sued, and I'm feeling resentment for her, and I don't know how to move past it. As the title states, My wife was sued and I'm feeling resentment for her and I don't know how to move past it. As the title states, my wife was recently sued, she lost, and we had to pay. The money is a significant amount for us and we didn't have much in savings or emergency fund to begin with.

Both of those accounts are now empty. My current problem is moving past the resentment and anger I'm feeling towards her. Until now, I've always felt like we were a partnership in our marriage. And since I'm the breadwinner, I can't help but feel like I'm spending my money on something that isn't my fault. I've had no problem paying the mortgage and taking care of various financial burdens that come along with being a married homeowner. However, I've been the only one to put money aside in our savings or other accounts to prepare for an emergency like a totaled car etc not a stupid lawsuit i know my wife is guilty she has a part-time job and doesn't make much money but she pays for smaller things

when she can what did my wife do here's where it gets good she used a linkedin to find her former ex-best friend she ended up creating a real-looking fake LinkedIn profile with a vague application of recruiter. My wife ended up sending this ex-best friend, Laura, a few messages pretending to be a recruiter in her line of work. Laura finally responded, thinking that this recruiter was real. My wife wanted her phone number, but Laura gave her her personal email address instead. My wife created a second fake LinkedIn profile and started to send messages to people with similar titles as Laura at her company. These messages said derogatory things about Laura, a mixture of truthful but embarrassing and just fabricated bullshit to make Laura look bad.

Her manager got one of these messages that claimed Laura was a heavy drug user. Laura's manager talked to her about these messages, and he felt like the messages were bizarre and seemed like someone was trying to troll or harass Laura. Well, Laura's team had her back, and they saved these messages. Not only that, but Laura requested that she be drug tested anyway to provide further evidence that she was clean. My wife doesn't know this at this point, but Laura was pregnant, and several of her co-workers, including her manager, testified on Laura's behalf. pregnant and several of her co-workers including her manager testified on laura's behalf using the personal email address she got from the fake recruiter profile she was able to find a few social media platforms laura was on and to figure out her husband's name she did some more internet sleuthing and found her husband on facebook laura's husband didn't have much on his facebook

profile but she could see his business email address on it laura sent him an email i'm sorry my wife sent her an email claiming Laura was cheating on him. The husband confronted Laura about this email and Laura encouraged him to keep responding to the person to save the messages as well as to start asking specific questions about the supposed affair. My wife thought she was being clever and ended up telling the husband that Laura was cheating on him during the work week and she even gave specific dates. What she didn't realize is that Laura had some something turned on in Google Maps and it kept years worth of historical GPS data. Some of the dates my wife gave happened to be days they both worked from home together. She ended up giving him dates during a time they were on vacation together. Laura had her husband keep responding as much as possible to my wife

and back up all correspondence. My wife was able to find out when and where the baby shower was going to be. One of Laura's friends had created a public registry for her and had the invitation online. Oh, hang in there. My wife decided to show up unannounced at the baby shower. She did not make herself known immediately. Instead, she looked for patrons

that were entering and exiting out of the room. She got the attention of a few guests that she had never met and gossiped about Laura. My wife was telling people that Laura didn't know who the father was, among other things. There was an event that her husband, I'm sorry, this was an event that her husband was at as well. The word

got back to Laura and she spotted my wife and immediately put together all the pieces of what happened. I'm leaving a fair amount of information out. My wife was able to find social media accounts, phone numbers, emails, and other people in Laura's circle and she sent them messages about Laura

on multiple occasions. All the messages were to paint Laura in extremely derogatory light. All the events I've mentioned so far took place over a year. My wife didn't mask her IP address, so it was pretty easy to find out that all of these made-up messages came from the same IP address, ours. Many of Laura's friends and family testified on her behalf.

Laura had everyone save as much digital evidence as possible, and it was a lot. Laura and her husband hired a lawyer and decided to sue my wife. They had ample evidence against her. All the saved messages, close friends, and even her manager spoke on her behalf. She showed that she went to see a therapist once because of the harassment. She was depressed and anxious. She showed that she and her husband went to counseling after the accusations of cheating.

She even went above and beyond and had more drug tests done to show that she was clean and my wife's accusations were 100% false. She even had a paternity test done to show that my wife was wrong and chose to lie. I honestly felt awful for Laura. There were lots of tears on her end. I could tell how much emotional stress she had gone through. She said that she was, I'm sorry, she said that being pregnant during the majority of this was absolutely horrific and worried the stress and anxiety would hurt the baby. She was pained that her one and only baby shower was ruined by my wife and that's something that could never be truly paid or made up for. And that my wife's harassment continued even after she gave birth and was trying to manage a newborn child. My wife has never done anything this crazy before.

I knew she could be petty and jealous, especially people she used to be friends with, but that was talk, no action. We've had a very happy marriage otherwise. We rarely fight and we have a lot in common and we have a lot of fun together. But she really fucked up this time. I don't know how to move forward.

I know someone is going to suggest therapy, but I really just want to start building an emergency fund again. We're pretty screwed financially for a while. That's where it wraps. Divorce! Yeah, this is a divorce. See, it was good. Yeah, it wasn't

two minutes though. You're right, you're right. Who was Laura to his wife? Ex-best friend. Ex-best friend. so what was the why did they stop being friends it didn't say that shit's important to me bro okay why wouldn't you tell like i didn't know what inspired this like maybe like because laura's psycho i'm sorry because wife is psycho wife is psycho that's for sure but maybe laura is psycho but just a step ahead of the game like maybe that's a possibility yeah i'm not listen it's

not justified i just want to know how like how in her crazy mind because it's not justified but in her crazy mind how she would justify it because like that is so that's a fucking part-time job going yeah it kept going i was like all right what'd your wife do i thought it was a car accident you know like before i got into the meat of it yeah your wife got sued you know we all make mistakes i'd sue her also it's usa baby i'd fucking sue her too dude yeah that's someone who would go through that amount of shit and you know what you you like it's actually like on laura's part it's very smart to like do what she did like to go to be like on one hand you know it's fake you and your husband know it's fake you you know it's fake because the dates don't match up But even though you know it's fake and the dates don't match up, you and your husband still go to therapy.

Because then you go to therapy, you pay the $150 for that hour session, whatever, but then you get to go in court and be like, I paid $150 for that session, times however many, and for the mental fucked up anguish it did for us and the unborn baby, and you have a documented cost and a thing that exists that needs to be repaid and the intangible mental aspect. So like Laura, I'm just saying is fucking smart. She crushed it. She saw this and she wasn't like, oh, I got this bitch's IP.

I'm going to go up there. I'm a slapper in the face like I did in high school. No, she's like, no, we're going to fucking play this bitch. She wants to play with Laura. I'll show her why I was the alpha bitch in high school. She was my fucking pet. And why she's no longer my best friend. So we're going to therapy.

We're going to fucking punch my tummy a little bit so the baby's a little fucked up. We're going to make this payday. And we're going to put all that shit on her and her husband. How vindictive would that be if she was like, all right, honey. It turns out they already knew the baby was going to be retarded. It's actually this whole scenario. The twist being like Laura knew all along.

And like Laura, that's a movie. That's like on like some Gone Girl type shit. Like an actual movie right there. that's like on like some gone girl type shit yeah like an actual movie right there yeah which or if laura had done the same shit to to her in the past like like yeah just done it better though yeah right like you know that situation where like you hit me i hit back on the one that gets caught by the teacher right yeah that could be this she did it in high school but like in such a calculated way knowing that she'll try and do it back in adulthood but that she'll be able to take everything from her dude i would divorce i would divorce my wife for

sure the case um because someone who is that fucking crazy it's it that's way too much to be dealing with and like i'm just assuming i'm just like guessing in my head that it probably cost him like 30 to 50 000 or something like that. That's bullshit too. Now's the time to do it. He's got no money. Divorce will be cheaper. But Kyle, have you considered how risky it is to divorce this woman? It's hard to be ex-best friends with her. Try ex-husband.

He may have to murder her. We take no part on PKA. He might have to literally gone girl her. What is gone girl again? we take no part on PK it's a crazy movie with Ben Affleck and the woman there in southern in a Cape Girardeau and he's trying to she's trying to fool him and I don't know I wasn't paying attention oh okay I think we watch it together that bitch is crazy in that movie she is terrifying she's she's just like uh laura or the fucking wife in this so i don't know and like the whole like sitting around for hours and hours creating fake accounts stalking the same person like that that's so duplicitous you

can't trust that person ever again you can't trust that they won't do that like if i if i found anyone i was with did that... I think those are different issues. Cheating and that. You know what the craziest thing that she did was? Was actually showing up in person at that fucking baby shower.

I'm sure we've all creeped on somebody on the internet. Like, this guy or girl I went to high school with, let me see what they're up to oh they're married to this person well let me see what that person's up to oh look there's their hot cousin let me see where their hot cousin works oh there she is

yeah you know we've all been there and done that but this is this is different this is dark you know she showed up in person when you leave the screen and you go there that's i know i assumed it was in her home no maybe baby shower is that hard to say no it said it was a semi-public place i actually scanned i didn't skip a lot of that but i skipped a little

that one piece to uh for brevity like going there i'm like, I picture it like a park or something. It's like at her own baby shower and be like, yo, don't you have a bitch? Everyone's like, I'm here for her and her baby. What are you talking about? Yeah, well, you don't know who the dad is. This is like something from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Like when the guy was going back and dating all of the girls

who were mean to him in high school and then getting engaged and breaking up with him right before the wedding. Like this is some kooky, crazy thing. Who did that? i think i didn't see that one um did dennis do it no no one of the guys was doing it 2d oh okay okay yeah yeah and then charlie gave him the box of hornets and then he had all the hornet scars at the high school reunion that's funny like oh i see that acne came back in full force. He's like, these are hornet scars. Oh, I was going to recommend some creams or something, but they won't fix that.

He's like, maybe lasers, though. Yeah, lasers. Lasers will fix that. I'd be tempted to dump her, too. Divorcing a wife is not a small thing to me. A hundred percent. You got to. dump her too like divorcing a wife is not a small thing to me you got to but i it's not like she's going to continue to be like she's just going to take that aspect of her and drop it and change yeah because like this is this is not like it went over it was over the course of a year that's

important to me this isn't something she got drunk one night and did this wasn't something she got oh i was real upset last night and i i did i said some stupid shit on the internet it's not that at all this is a whole and it's not like she just did the one thing like like maybe she just emails laura and trolls her a little and get over that you troll the next best friend a little with some job opportunity kind of fucked up dear it's it's a little weird but okay wait you called her work to you emailed all of her work friends too and her boss and made up lies about her. You disparaged her character.

That is way too far. What, you found her husband and you told her husband she was cheating on him. You showed up at the baby shower? I feel like at that point, it becomes like a stalker. I feel like that's a whole new charge. Like a whole new charge is brought to the table

by physically showing up in the same room. It's the thing that so many criminals fall for this. You start off, you got all your I's dotted, your T's crossed, your mind, your P's and Q's. You really got the alphabet covered, and you're robbing cars. And then time passes, and you get a little more careless and a're robbing cars and then time passes and you get a little more careless and a little carrot more careless and then busted and i that's what that

she started if she had just trolled you know with some email addresses through linkedin she might have got away with it but nope she had to show up at the show my friend of mine he has like uh like he has like cameras in his house and stuff. He lives in L.A. And he was in bed. It was like 3 a.m. Him and his wife and his dog was barking. And his wife was like, oh, what's the dog barking about? He's like, I don't know.

The dogs are stupid. I go to bed. The dog kept barking. So he turned on his TV, which shows down the stairs and like the front door and everything or whatever and some dude is walking up the stairs in his house he looks his wife she's like you know this guy she's gonna fucking know this guy stranger in the house so they call the cops this is canada no this is california they call the cops they're on the third floor. He came up from the first floor where he passed by a room where his brother sleeps. And he goes past that.

He goes upstairs in the kitchen, like in the living room. And they're watching him on the camera as they call the cops. And they're like, there's a guy here. Takes the cops like 15 minutes to get there. They're watching him. And he goes into the freezer. And not yet. He's going around. and then the cops like ring the doorbell he goes and he grabs the

the freezer he opens up and he grabs ice cream and a spoon and then goes downstairs and Opens the door and the cops were like did you call you live here? He's like yeah, I live here My buddy's on the third floor and he's got the intercom he's like he's like he doesn't we're up there we don't know that guy arrest him he's not supposed to be our home so they arrest that guy you know it's all it's a good move though i'm very impressed yes but here's the thing here's the thing when they went to court he went to court and he would have been uh sentenced to a year for trespassing but instead he got five because he took the ice cream and the spoon and that was now that was like a robbery or uh what was term larceny or something yeah exactly

burglary so because he he took the ice cream for his little shtick that got him five years i changed my mind it wasn't a good move wow they really threw the book at him for that yeah well what do you mean i throw fuck in the book i'd be like yo fucking guy came my house and then lied to the cops like i'd like to know about his priors does he have a violent history is was he drunk? What was he doing there? Completely, he was fucked up, apparently. He was fucked up and he got five years? As you're telling the story, there is a real chance if that happened in North Carolina, he'd get shot.

I think all the homeowners here have done this. I find that crazy that in places like L.A. I'm not a gun guy, but I'm just kind of like, what do you mean if someone walked into my house and I saw them going through my stuff and they even grabbed a knife from my kitchen drawer? I can't walk downstairs with my gun and be like, you fucked up, pal. You can't hear. I know. I know. But I always found that weird in LA.

I'd be like, you mean in this place where people have these humongous houses which are like their whole house is like made of glass and like four people could just like kick in the glass and it'll take cops 30 minutes to drive up this hill i can't pull out like my gun and be like you you don't fucked up you know like i found that i just find that weird you know like yeah that's a that was that story is really scary to me at first when you're like like seeing the guy coming up your stairs oh totally yeah oh taylor they're basically they they heard somebody in their house they look on the security camera and there's a stranger coming up the stairs from the first to the second floor and they're on the

third floor and they call the cops the cops show up they took 50 minutes but they were watching him like wander around opening their fridge and like looking for a drawer so when the cops show up they were 50 minutes but they were watching him like wander around opening their fridge and like looking for a drawer so when the cops show up and ring the doorbell the intruder answers the door but he's got himself a prop he's got ice cream he's like hey it's my house and they were upstairs on the intercom like no that that guy's lying he's not that's so fucking funny a way to get caught. No, no, no, no. We're terrified up here.

Please come back. That's also my ice cream. Put the Chucky monkey down. Oh, that happened to me as a teenager. Like, a real similar thing. I've told the story a million times, but in fast forward. One more time.

I heard the guy walking up the stairs and our basement, we had basement stairs that led into like the house and you could hear them creak one at a time. And that just seemed like a parallel to intercom. And I opened the door and yelled at him and there was a running and such. And there's fast forward. He ran away. But, uh,

I, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to have a home invader come into the house. You don't know what it's like. I know what it's like to have a home invader come into the house. You don't know what's up. What's the trick to not let the stairs squeak or creak? Take your shoes off and walk on the ends. You never snuck outside, smoked, and then come back at your parents' house? Well, I would do the thing where I would reach down the banister as far as I could from the top

and then jump slash swing down. Like one hand on the wall, one on the banister, and kind of just... I would walk on the edges of the step where they didn't creak as much and use the banister to walk like six or seven steps at a time.

Yeah. Speaking of trying to cover up sounds, I had a buddy in middle school or something who had just discovered that you can fart loudly in class as long as you cough or something during it. That's a risky move.

I think he saw some bit on Family Guy or something about it in 2003. It was like, it works every time. I farted in Missith's class so bad i just went as i did it nobody knew they were blaming ted next to me and he did that in our english class once he like looked over at me and he's like taylor and he goes but it was only a third of the way through the car and so you just heard like a last two-thirds of it and we all gave him shit

and i think we we spread it around that he pooped his pants even though i saw this thing i was like a pose this guy was like yeah so what my buddy would do is he would drop his textbook off his desk and fart at the same time he goes but what he did once was he dropped his textbook it slammed everyone in the class looked at him and then he farted the top the top comment was lag dude i was gonna tell that exact same story that happened it wasn't me but it was a friend of mine in high school he did that no it wasn't me it wasn't me no and wasn't me. No. I also, he did the coughing thing too. It was like, he had these strategies to fart in class. Yeah.

So like on the topic of breaking and entering type stuff, whatever, I don't know. It was like, this was a couple of years ago. I was in LA and like, I had this girl over. There are some freaking girls in Los Angeles. And this girl was over. She was like, oh, let's get pizza. You know? And she was like, so wasted.

And I'm like, yeah. I'm like, y'all, you know, you know what I've been jerking off to lately? Yeah. But anyways, I'm like, why don't you answer the door completely naked? I'm familiar with the genre. Yeah. You'll be naked. So like, here's like, this is the house, like the, like you walk into the house.

And when you look up to the right, the stairs go up to the second floor. But there's a main floor there. So she gets the door. She opens it. She's naked. She's like a good looking girl. And this guy is like really excited. She's like, haha, thanks for the pizza.

And he's like, I hear him. He's like, and I'm at the top of the stairs just like spying. He's like, wow, so nice. And she's like, yeah. Anyways, thanks. And she goes to close the door. He's like i hear him he's like and i'm at the top of the stairs just like spying he's like wow so nice and she's like yeah anyways thanks and she goes to close the door next time he's like wait he's like i get your number and she's like no no no he's like please get and then he steps inside she's like no no and he steps inside and then he looks to the right and looks up and he sees me and this is when i realized that like oh yeah i'm like a gigantic human like i'm like six six 260 pounds and i'm just standing there i'm not i'm not her boyfriend or anything i thought this was fun at all and then like he

just looks at me and the look in his eyes of fear of three play like like that he was about he like that he just got caught doing something weird or he was about to take it somewhere weird or whatever and now there's just this giant person he's like oh he's like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm sorry i need like bolted out of the house and i was there and i was like you could have had a slice if you really wanted it and what a retard what kind of pizza man asks for their number you already have that it was uber doesn't have access to us oh uber eats well that yeah i that's that's a risky business maneuver to show up naked to the door as a woman if you're home alone because that pizza guy i don't think he's that worried about losing his job at papa john's are you assuming that just

because she shows up with her fucking labia swinging in the breeze that she's some kind of slut i'm saying no but there is one video killer where like a girl is like on cam because do it and they'll get like like tip to do it and she got tipped to do it and then the pizza man would not leave and he's like slowly walking around like her couch with her and she's like okay bye and he's like please please and the chat's like boom walking around like her couch with her. And she's like, okay, bye. And he's like, please, please. And the chat's like boom, boom, boom, like tips, tips, tips, tips. But like this girl's like stuck with this fucking random dude in her house now. Who's like, please let me taste or some shit, you know?

Please let me. I don't know. Are we talking about the pizza? I think that's my line. It's the pizza. If I showed up to my own door if like mormons knocked on my door and i showed up naked to greet them but i showed a genuine interest in the lord do you think they would they would come in and talk to me about it as i was naked if i was like no i'm a nudist i'm

sorry if it's odd for you it's just something that i do i'm interested in joseph smith though they should you know because that would be a real moral quandary. Exactly. If they're really about their job, they should. Yeah. All right. I'll pray with you right now if you guys kiss. If you guys kiss and let me watch, I'll convert to whatever your goofy cult is.

I feel bad making fun of Mormons almost because everyone I've ever met in my whole life is the kindest, sweetest, and this isn't just a stereotype. Everyone I talk to who's met Mormons has the same take of like, yeah, it's really weird. I Wikipedia'd it and it doesn't make a lot of sense,

but my God, they were the friendliest people I've ever encountered in my whole life. They genuinely seem like they want to help. You know where all my information comes from about the Mormon faith, the LDS? They don't like being called Mormons anymore, by the way. Yeah, LDS is preferred. For LDS.

It's from that show Big Love, which is about polygamy, which is no longer acceptable within LDS, of course. But if you've ever watched Big Love, it really does seem to kind of work. Like, they have the, he has three wives and they have this big family, and there really doesn't seem to be a lot of jealousy between the wives. And there's no three ways or anything like that going on.

Is Big Love real or? No, no, no. It's an HBO drama. Okay, okay. I've seen it. I've seen a couple and I mix them up. It's quite good. Wait, it's not even real? And you were saying, well, there's no drama between the wives. Well, they have other problems.

Like, one of his wives has this huge amount of credit card debt that nobody knows about that she's been maxing out like this box of credit cards. And the other one is like very young and like impulsive and like, he's got one wife who's his original wife, and she's 40. Then he's got a younger one who's 35 who's the credit card spender.

Then he's got a 22-year-old who's still a kid and still fucking shit up all the time. This guy's cool as shit. He's cool, and he's a millionaire. He owns this chain of, I'm going to call it, not really a Home Depot, maybe a Home Depot. It's like a Mega Lamar type store where they've got like everything. And it's cool. It's a really good show.

It's always been the weirdest part about polygamy to me, right? Like I think most guys are pretty psyched they can get a woman to like like them, you know, to like want to be there. They're like, yeah, that's the one for me. That's a challenge. But this guy gets women to be like,

he's so awesome. I'll take a third or a quarter of him. Yeah. See, here's the thing. I definitely see that point of view. I wouldn't like that at all. I think a lot of women wouldn't like that at all. But the way that he sells it and the thing that makes them buy it is you're getting a third of him.

That's fair to say. But you're also getting a third of all these women, too. Not in a sexual way, but in a sisterly kind of supportive way. They're sisters. And all the children are everybody's children. So, like, you get to share in the accomplishments of her kids too if her kid hits a home run at baseball you're really proud of her kid because because he's your kid too kind of and like you know but they're everybody's sharing uh chores and stuff but in all

these things and i've seen some that aren't uh like scripted you know that are like actual documentaries of course you only see what they show you but anyway they seem to be thirsting for the dude's attention they're never like man that one sister wife is so great i wish i could get her to pay more attention to me no they get just plenty of each other but the dude you know like man how come we don't fuck on my night how come this how come that there's three of us but we each get two days and she gets three this week you know that's not right does he ever make like snide comments to one of them where it's like well you know susan lets me put it in her ass

no no i i believe that is uh that that sort of play would be outside the boundaries of lds no if you're married you can probably uh well no absolutely not you can't even have oral no everybody on earth has oral sex oh well not according to the bible you think all the muslims and all the mormons and all the every other religion i'm not talking about what people do i'm talking about what god's not doing it i'm just saying what the religion tells them that they should be doing you know and oral and anal out inside or outside that confines marriage is uh what's the word for it it's sodomy sodomy even in christianity they're like you know

do whatever you want within uh isn't that funny that was like uh the liberal jesus take back in the day where he's like yeah you guys can go hog wild with your wives just no anal no oral no heavy petting no open mouth kissing like all these little you're making those up right after oral and anal yeah yeah okay i don't know like if you were to tell me no the bible really does say no open mouth i'd be like what and yay may i say unto you no heavy petting because you know there's shit in there right there's there's cooking shit and making it part of a meal there's no mixed fabrics there's no shellfish for some reason it's upsetting that's what's funny like with uh i think orthodox I think Orthodox Jewish people, they still follow that we don't eat shellfish, we don't eat pork.

You know why, right? But they also, none of them abide by the fabric rule. It's almost like they got to that point and they're like, we're not supposed to wear polyester, that's retarded. So the reason those books say no pork and no shellfish is because in ancient times, those were dangerous foods to eat. Only if you undercook them. There you go. Okay? You don't have Gordon Ramsay teaching you how to get pork just right in fucking ancient Mesopotamia.

So you fuck it up and you kill your entire family. So they just would make rules like, hey, nobody eat that shellfish. I get it. You know, it was good that one time but eli over here undercooked it and now his entire family has been taken by the lord i'm an idiot you can't eat raw shellfish you can eat raw clams if it goes bad though oh like we have refrigeration uh every time i've had raw things it's super fresh like it was in the water earlier that day. Exactly. But, you know, ancient times, you fuck up.

They're not washing their hands either. You know, there's all kinds of bacteria swimming around there. But undercooked pork can absolutely fucking kill you. And undercooked and like raw shellfish and undercooked shellfish, if it's old, if it's spoiled a little, will fucking kill you. God could have just told them to get... Why not thou shalt properly cook pork? And thou shalt ensure the inner temperature of pork

is 170 degrees prior to consumption. So I just did a video for the National Pork Board. Get out. Because there was like a major... Why choose you? Because he said his jersey is... I don you? Because he's got his jerky. I don't know why.

I don't know why they did that. Yeah, it said there's millions of people that don't know how to make boneless pork. It's most delicious when cooked to 145 degrees Fahrenheit, followed by a three-minute rest. What kind of cut are you talking about? Can we watch this video?

Can you link it? I actually hate watching me. I'm okay with that. I hate watching you. You're not dissuading me at all. Everyone watch Harley while the video plays. Yeah, youtube.com slash epic mealtime, the pork video. Go check it out.

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Nice. Make sure you're fresh. I recommend the dry mouth version. I feel like it's smoother. I like it. I use the clinical one. It's a little more expensive, but it's got the gingivitis protection.

With this huge row of fake teeth in my mouth i can't be taking any chances with nasty bloody gums fake teeth cost a lot every once in a while i'll look at like if i'm like talking with kyle or talking with woody or you know with harley or whoever who's on, I'll look at them in the eyes. You know what I mean? On your camera. Kyle throws me for a loop every time he has a five second freeze where I'm like, what is he thinking? Is he going to

hit this back? Then I'll realize, oh no. Kyle sometimes sits very still. When Kyle listens, he looks like this. When Kyle's frozen, he also looks like that. So sometimes it's tricky. I do it on purpose. Yeah? I'll ask to remove sometimes.

Yeah, I have a... I, uh... I'll tell it in fast forward, to steal from Woody, because I've told it before on the show. I, uh... My teeth... I ground my teeth so fucking bad for so many years, because, years because most people have a bite where their teeth line over each other, where they kind of lock in place. My teeth lined up directly on top of each other for my whole life.

And I also grounded my sleep really bad. And so I had like fucking, I think the dentist was like, well, we expect about half a millimeter of wear per tooth every 50 years and so based on that metric your teeth are about 125 years old and i was like well that's not ideal and uh and he was like well uh you can get veneers but uh you don't know if you'll want those and so how about we take this like enamel like polymer stuff form it over your teeth and like give you a new bite that'll be in the exact same shape as veneers will as like a stop gap thing to see if it works well so i was like okay i'll do that and so it was like seven thousand eight thousand dollars or some shit to get it all done all my teeth put back together it cost you

money or insurance no you know how shitty dental insurance is like i think so they covered the first grand well great yeah they covered like the first 1500 maybe but then they kept trying to be like well uh this is a cosmetic thing and it's like no it's not i submitted my dental information he was saying this is absolutely necessary i will grind my teeth down to the nerves soon if i don't get this taken care of and they still were like it's cosmetic it's cosmetic veneers anything like that is cosmetic so all these have a bunch of plaster on them and shit and then my back molars on both sides have a bunch on them to like bend my teeth in a little bit so that now my teeth my mouth actually locks closed like a normal person yeah you're not a petroliquist dummy anymore do they break

i have you broken any 90 i have like a 90 right overbite. You have an underbite? Sorry, you froze for a second. I have a 90% overbite, but it's like functional, and it's like a major one. Like, if you look. Oh. It's better to have a bad overbite than a bad underbite. But I actually was asking because my teeth teeth like they look i said like it looks like

ghost mouth like my teeth just look like they're just like see-through and it's because of the overbite like they like scrape and scrape and scrape so they're like thin so i wanted to get like full-on like like veneers on the front teeth. He was like, whatever, it could be extreme. Did you think about it? I was like, I did think about it and I want to go fucking hard. I want Steve Harvey veneers. I want big ass

white teeth that are way too big for my head. He's got a captivating smile. You ever see Steve Harvey's face? Of course you have. He's hilarious. But those teeth, oh my God, they're like the funniest. It's just like, it's just so good.

His exacerbated face, or his frustrated face when someone says penis on Family Feud and he looks around like that's never been done before. So funny. Yeah. He's a good host. I actually love him. Watching the Steve Harvey best on Family Feud, and he looks around like that's never been done before. So funny. Yeah. He's a good host. Yeah, he is. I actually love him.

Watching the Steve Harvey best on Family Feud is like I actually crack up laughing a lot. If you just click that thing, you'll see a picture. Oh, I see it. The front first picture, it's like they're trying to escape his lips. The mustache. They're trying to escape. You should get veneers if you want them. Yeah. You don't ever think you will.

15K? Oh, it's a lot. It's like $2,000 a tooth, apparently. But they're permanent. And you don't need them on every tooth. You'd probably just need them on the top six. They're not that permanent. I mean, you permanently need veneers, but you'll refresh those things every 10, 15 years.

Yeah, 5, 10 years or something like that. Oh, but I mean, you don't pay another $15,000 when they put new ones back on usually. Oh, I'm not sure. I just, it's a car, baby. Like, yeah, every five years you earn for another 15 grand or so. Well, I didn't want to do this. Oh, yeah. It's also not fun.

I sat, it was the longest. When I got there that day, I was like, how long is this going to take? I got there at like 11 a.m. And they're like, oh, maybe two and a half hours i was in the chair with people's hands in my mouth until 4 50 p.m that day i was in the for almost how long it's gonna be there like you're sleeping here shut up you got it yeah it's better in the night have you broken them yet taylor oh yeah i've there have been some times where i fall asleep without my retainer and i'll still find a way to grind and like chip one and then uh a couple times they like i i made a chip in one and then that same area kept falling off because like the dentist putting it back on wasn't my usual one he fucked

it up uh but overall it's doing really well i was nervous when i first got them put on because like as they're putting them on it's like that thick in your mouth and there is so much mass in your mouth that you're not used to like it's not until you get like a change in your teeth or anything in your mouth that you realize like oh wow my tongue was really acclimated to my old way of feeling this feels totally foreign and weird and so they're like all right so this is like the basic shape. You want to take a look? And I like smiled. And it was like cartoon teeth where there were no lines in between them, just a big bar. And they were thick as fuck.

And I was like, well, they're not going to stay just like this. I was freaking out because I think it was like on a Tuesday or Thursday that I was getting it done. And I'm like, if I show up on PKA and I'm like lisping badly oh my god i'm gonna get roasted so hard like and so it would have been fucking funny though so after like after after hours of them shaving it down and stuff i like they showed me again i was like oh okay i i see how this was meant to work so overall i'm glad i did it but if i didn't have to pay seven grand for functional you should have gone to mexico no i was this is like a year and a half ago i was doing daily vlogs at the time and i was hungry and aggressively eating something on a fork like

rice and peas or something i don't know i was multi Who the fuck fucks up eating off a fork? But I did. And I bit the fork so hard. Oh, that sucks. I broke my teeth. And I call him up. And I'm like, it's Tuesday. I have a show on Thursday. Can we fix this shit before I have to get on camera?

And they're like, yeah. They gave me the hookup. And they fixed it well. But like you said, every now and then, because it's not as strong as your original tooth tooth was yeah um i might just touch the teeth together or something and break off like a tenth of a millimeter something very small you can feel that little grain oh it's totally different and and apparently all i've done is sharpen it so i'm like like how can i sand this shit down? Because I've just broken off, and now it's like broken glass or something in my mouth.

But yeah, I found my replacement is not as durable as I was before I was stupid. Yeah. I realized after I got the teeth put in that I chew my food not nearly enough because my chewing before I got my teeth fixed was just my teeth directly on top of each other like in it like it's very very hard to chew when your teeth are like that and so I would give it like three four chews and just be swallowing food

just give up I would just give up like I'd get to the critical mass of what my mouth allowed me to grind up and then I would swallow whatever was in there and then it took me a little while to be like oh this is why you eat faster than everybody you're sitting with grind up and then I would swallow whatever was in there. Then it took me a little while to be like, oh, this is why you eat faster than everybody you're sitting with because they're chewing their food.

What's the normal amount of times you chew your food? I don't know. When you eat rice and George Foreman chicken, you're probably fine with the amount of chewing you do. That's true. I don't even chew rice. Just right down the hatch. Okay, maybe why don't you?

Have you guys ever had something where you realized later in life that you would expect that you do something totally novel as far as a regular everyday thing is concerned? So if someone found out, not everybody's wiping their ass from underneath by the balls.

I've been doing that for 20 years or something. You can smear it right on your balls. Yeah, because that's how I was feeling about the chew thing. I'm like, oh my god, people chew. You don't just swallow things like a fucking animal. You guys have anything like that? All this time I did it funny. Wiping your ass, picking your nose, blowing your nose.

There's always a big discussion in my household about ketchup and how it should be stored. Now I'm strongly of the opinion that it goes in the cabinet, and here are my reasons. First of all, it's vinegar-based. It does not go bad. But what's the second reason? We'll never know. We lost you after the first one. Vinegar never goes bad.

It never goes bad. And I'm going to eat it long before it could go bad, which is like three months or something like that. And second of all, it's going on hot food. It's going on hot French fries, right? Why would I want want cold sauce on hot french fries it's taking the heat right out of them so putting in the in the refrigerator is is so stupid to me you're preaching to the choir and it also condenses it and makes it so you get that and even more of that like uh ketchup pre-cum stuff yeah the ketchup pre-cum on there and that that's just the worst. Yeah, I shake the fuck out of the bottle. But store your ketchup in the cabinet. It's the way to go.

Unless you don't eat a lot of ketchup like I do. And in that case, just get a smaller bottle. Get one of those little bitty 8-ounce bottles. Heinz has an official stance on this. I've googled it. You guys talking about sauce?

Here's Heinz ketchup? Here's Heinz Here's Heinz official stance on the issue The issue hardly being ketchup storage Refrigerator or cabinet Because of its natural acidity Heinz ketchup is shelf stable However Its stability after opening can be affected by storage conditions

We recommend that this product Like any processed food, can be refrigerated after opening. Refrigeration will maintain the best product quality after opening. That's just a legalese thing they have to put on there. Yeah, I've read that same thing too. And I stand by my

position that I'm going to eat it... I've had ketchup go bad in the cabinet. I have. It tastes gross. It's not good. It becomes a darker red. and it's not good. But I usually get maybe a 64-ounce bottle, and I can go through that long before it goes bad. I eat a lot of ketchup. Wait, how long does it take you to get through a 64-ounce bottle of ketchup?

Definitely it's gone a month. That's half a gallon. You eat half a gallon of ketchup a month. Yeah. Well, as a guy myself, what if I'm eating fries or something? I'll put more ketchup down than I need probably. I do ketchup in abundance. I don't want to be like, that should be enough.

If I need more, I'll get more. I'm like, no, I don't want to bother myself with the ketchup bottle again. We'll do one squirt right here, big power squirt, fill this whole little ramekin up, and I'm not going to be bothered with getting more ketchup. I might even throw out half this ramekin of ketchup. Man, that's a big spender move. I don't even know what a ramekin is.

I'm the sauce boss. I'm the sauce boss. I don't hold back on condiments. I got a ketchup in the closet and a ketchup in the fridge. I'm going to more sites. Good Housekeeping says ketchup no longer contains Sodium benzoate

And has less salt than it used to You have to cold storage it I can't believe those little sauce containers Have a name I learned just now what a ramekin is I don't want you to think that I ever Like normally called it a ramekin But like I'm on the cooking show

And so like the guys cooking are like the ramekin The ramekin So I also had on the cooking show, and so the guys cooking are like, the ramekin, the ramekin. So I also had a moment years ago, I was like, that's what it's called? Yeah. Are we going to call it that? I like sauces a lot. That's pretty gay. I've got a bottle of yum-yum sauce that I bought recently. I've been using that on French fries a lot.

Is that a kind of ketchup, yum-yum sauce? No, no. It's the sauce you get at hibachi restaurants, that orange sauce. Oh, I'm familiar with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I know this. I just Googled it. I'm like, oh.

Percent. And I got a bottle of hamburger sauce, which is basically knockoff Big Mac sauce. So I've been putting that on burgers. Isn't Big Mac sauce just mayonnaise and Thousand Island and ketchup? No, there's more going on than that. Yeah, it's Thousand Island island there's relish in there uh there's like some ketchup it's basically like all the sauces combined almost to an extent thousand island is like the king sauce in my opinion of sandwiches like it is a very powerful sauce that's it's very powerful it's so bad for

you it has to be powerful. I don't think they have Steak and Shake where Woody or Harley live. I know it's where Kyle is. I was in Florida recently, and I had a little Steak and Shake. Oh, yeah. Well, anyone out there who lives in a state in the south or the Midwest with a Steak and Shake, always get a Frisco melt with extra, extra Frisco sauce because all it is is Thousand Island. It's hot. It takes a normal little sandwich.

That looks good right now. Hell yeah. Frisco melts the best. I love, honestly, I love the USA so much. They're cheese fries. I swear that we've been through periods like on and off where people are like, people will go on my Facebook and they'll be like, you know, they're like they live in Hollywood and they're like,

like, oh, get me out of this country because this and that and it's shit now. And this happened and that happened. And then like this politics, this politics that fuck the USA, like, please, Canada, take me. And I'm like, I'm there. And I'm like, yo, I love every time I come to the USA. I come. I'll go to like whether it's L.A. or Florida or New York or wherever. Like, I'll go to a place

I'm like there's a burger place right here there's one across the street there's one like kitty corner across the street there's four burger places on these corners and all of them are doing exceptionally well yeah and I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna i'm gonna drink two liters of soda that i spent 89 cents on and then i'm gonna get a dish that is for like four people and all i'll spend like 18 and i'll sit there and i'm like you i fucking love this country yeah that's five guys fucking sickest it's just i love it i love it i love say i i love canada i'm proud to be canadian i really am but like there's no better place in the world like for me than like bouncing between canada and the usa like just like going to the usa getting so fucked up on all the fat food and all that and then going back to canada i'm being

like how you feeling bud you good i'm about to relax a little bit and come back to normal like i i love usa like i love i love it i love i love canada i love usa i love going to america and fucking eating man it's so good like five five does canada have little five guys soda servings it's like we're like we're we're good we're we're we're every we're everything almost you do don't you we're everything almost. You do, don't you? We're everything almost. Like, here's my coffee. Wow, you can hold that with one hand. That's a big coffee. You don't even have the handle for the top of the bucket?

No. No, they serve ours in Home Depot five-gallon pails. I mean, just watch that. No, like that extra bit, I love that. Like the big gulp, we have like the extra large, but we don't have like a big gulp. Like we don't have one where you're like, ha ha, this is so stupid. Like how dumb is this?

Dude, when I go to Quick Trip, which is another regional kind of gas station where you can go and buy stuff. When I go to Quick Trip and I see their soda deals where it's literally a 64 ounce plastic cup and the price is 79 cents. My thought is always like, I don't want to lose money on this.

USA is the only place where it's like, we'll give you more if you pay less. If you take fries with that, you get a dollar off. I drive a full-size truck, and I'm like, I don't think my cup holders can handle this. What am I going to do? It's true. I went to a movie theater, and I was like, oh, I'll get the, I guess, can I see the medium,

and can I see the large? Oh, can I see the extra large, and they're showing them? I'm like, oh, I'll get an extra large. She goes, it doesn't fit in the cup holders. I'm like, that is so fucking great. All right, the fact that you guys even sell that is so fucking cool. It comes with a warning. I'm 6'6", 260 pounds. I'm like, like i i walk around i'm like this is my people this is my place like you know like i go to cheesecake factory i fucking love it there and i like look at the plates i'm like this

they knew i was coming yeah you know what we need to come up with a solution for pissing while you're in the movie theater yes some sort of catheter roll-on condom thing that you could pee into. Those exist. Those exist. Oh, I know. It's like a roll-on condom. Yeah, they exist, but they ought to just be built into the movie theater seats where everyone kind of at the beginning prepares.

Ladies do some sort of insert. Guys do the catheter. And we all just pee happily during the movie. But then when you're watching the movie, you'd have to to people just you're in silence watching you see that see no that's one thing hold on i'm like i'm all about i'm all like pro america on the like the over consumption and like the mass consumption how crazy but like once we start like like being all diapers and pissing and shitting ourselves that's when we're Wally like we're in the movie Well, I was there way too fast If I was with a date who I didn't think would judge me I would totally piss in that movie seat

I would I would be like you give me the extra-large Frozen cherry coke and give me a medium cup empty I don't like your ratio. I don't know that you're thinking ahead. The ice is going to melt. That is a risky endeavor. The ice is going to melt. What I do like about movies is if I'm going to a movie, my body knows enough. If I'm in a theater, just being in a theater, even if I don't have to piss, if I just go to the urinal before the movie, I will piss. No matter what, I will piss.

But if it's a long movie, it's going through me. I always piss before I go piss. No matter what, I will piss. But if it's a long movie, it's going through me. I always piss before I go in. But if I'm watching, I can't think of a good example, but a three-hour movie. Lord of the Rings extended. I was about to say Lord of the Rings, because in the theaters, Return of the King, I was maybe 13 or 14 or whatever when that

came out, and I remember sitting there and I'm the biggest, I love Lord of the Rings, and so I was never wanting the movie also yeah i was right in smart smart man and like i i didn't i didn't want to leave so bad i i think i almost ruptured my bladder i think it's the only time in my life that i was ship of the ring was the movie or i learned and walked over there and i was doubled over trying to get to the urinal it was so much pain, but it was worth it because I got there's no time to leave in that movie We're like now's a good time cuz they're no like it's all unnecessary Yeah, it's like I'm not gonna miss the mumma kill coming into storm

Ascilius or administer a family. Well, I guess I'll just have to deal with you know, a ruptured bladder So I'm not about to miss this god. I wish God, I wish I could delete my memory of those movies and re-watch them again. Yeah, I would absolutely do the same thing. Yeah, I would do that for so many movies. I watched them recently. Game of Thrones. That's what I would do it for.

When I hear someone is like, I'm in season three now. I'm in season three now. Batch watching? What is it called? Binge watching. Batch watching? What is it called? Binge watching. Thank you. I'm binge watching so that I'm caught up for season eight.

And as it comes out, it's like, oh, my God, you've just discovered sex. You have no idea of the pleasures that await you. Season three, you haven't seen this or that. That's this Sunday. Yeah, I know. I'm well aware. Oh, really? Game of Thrones Sunday? Yeah, I know. I'm well aware. Oh, really? Game of Thrones Sunday?

You don't say. Is it literally this Sunday? It's this Sunday, right? Oh, shit. Yeah, I haven't been paying attention. I'm excited for it. If you guys like breaking the law, I think, if I understand correctly, it will air in Australia at the proper time. So it should be up and viewable probably during the day

in the usa like i'm just saying if i understand correctly listen i got an hbo account once i got the account i'm like i'll pirate whatever i pay yeah and i knew it i mean in the same moral code i have a friend with an hbo account so I should be able to pirate anything. I'm so excited for this. Can we talk a little Game of Thrones? We're not allowed. I love it. No, let's talk Game of Thrones, man.

Okay, everyone who's watching, spoilers. And if you're not dumb now at this point, you're an idiot. Yeah, you've waited too long. Come on. It's the smallest thing. But remember when Arya was learning how to use Needle? And that guy, what was his name? Cyril?

Cyrio Ferell. Yes, that guy. He was so cool. And I felt like we never got the full extent of his power. And I always believe that if you don't die on the show, like if it's not on camera, you're not dead. And he was left with a wooden sword and like four kings guard or whatever and he was like go i'll hold them back and then she goes you never see

him again i just like to think and i know it's so pointless because he's such like a small type of character but like i want him to come and help her at some point or whatever like pop in when some shit's going down because he seemed like such a cool ass fighter and so composed and it looked like he was using one percent of his abilities to show aria how to fight and i just felt like partly i think you are unaware of a fan theory so that guy is from bravo bravos the same place that jakon hugar is from or something close to that oh so that he is that they were the same person. That is the fan theory. Jack on who got Jack on who got Jack and a guy.

Yeah, he's like, well, you like that. He's like one of the man with no face type people. I wish I could lay it out, but I watched the video and they had like 14 pieces of evidence that they were the same person. And they have the simply they talk about their experiences and that's actually experience that they both shared and etc. And I don't know that it's true. I'm not saying it's true, but I'm saying it's a fan theory that I hope is true. I hope that that dude who was so good for her and so bad-ass, if I remember right,

he beat, we saw him beat like four of them. And then the last one was, was known as a mediocre fighter, but he had a wooden sword. His wooden sword got cut and then they just don't show anymore. Yeah. In the, in the book, it spelled out a little more like, like each of the guys coming at him had a wooden sword. His wooden sword got cut and then they just don't show anymore. In the book, it's spelled out

a little more. Each of the guys coming at him had a different weakness. He was using the wooden sword to exploit it. One of the guys didn't have any hand guards and he immediately breaks that guy's fingers. One of the guys didn't have a visor and he immediately blinds that guy. In succession, he takes out three of them like that.

Then there's this moment where he's like, Aria, run. And it's like, and that's when Aria saw it. His visor was down. His hands covered. From head to toe, he was still. And she knew he was doomed. And it is.

No! The thing I said, it incorporated the books they'd show the books text and stuff and and he was just like it was well within his master abilities to pick up a sword from one of the other four downed fighters and now have a wooden one and I'm like yeah I'm buying it I'm buying it you know it's this guy's like the best swordsman you know he's a tier if our sword of bravos the first four yeah so i i also heard that like uh that remember that like i forget what they called her but that other girl who was like training when aria was blind yeah that that is some fight club shit and that is aria and when she kills her she becomes she is like foregoing being like like one without a name and she's like no I am Arya Stark and like I will get that vengeance and it was like a fight club

Tyler Durden moment where she wasn't actually fighting a person but more so killing off that aspect I can buy that theory because Did the waif ever talk to anyone other than the faceless man or Arya ever? Or was she acknowledged by any character other than those two? I blaze so hard before every episode I have a hard time. Names and stuff.

I'm like the hound, the mountain, big bitch. So you know her. I hope that... They fuck? Me too. I hope they fuck. The ginger guy. I want the ginger guy

to fuck the big bitch and afterwards it's everything he thought it would be. He needs to be talking about his conquest, but really her conquest. He needs to be talking about his conquest, but really her conquest. He needs to be like, oh my God, I'm in love. This was everything I hoped it would be and more.

They need to make a baby. That baby needs to be full grown so fast. I don't know how it's going to happen, but it needs to happen. I don't know what's bigger. They'll call him the mountain range or something just to make him huge. I went as him for halloween this year you went for oh that's really good i took a glance at that and literally thought why is he showing us two pictures of that guy

i'm working on it that's so close that's great you even got like the shitty tattered throat rags yeah because i was i had some like person that like was like a costume maker and i was like please please but i love that guy i i love the show i thought the last season it did some weird things the last season that like was so strange do you remember when like they were going beyond the wall and it was like uh it was this guy it was flamesword it was like cool ass stone knight it was john snow yeah all the all the character names it was literally all our favorite characters they were like like you know like it was like fucking the avengers and they like walk beyond the wall and they go out there

i'm like yo this is so sick all favorite characters, like they came together and they're a team. This is so cool. And then like someone gets killed and I rewound it. I was like, who was that? And I rewound it again. I'm like, oh, thank God. It was just a red shirt. It was like a random person.

Cool. And then I'm like, I stopped for a second. I was like, what the heck? Yeah. Like this, when in, in, in like the seven years worth of shows of this show did i ever get all my favorite characters going off together as friends and none of them dying yeah it felt like it got so marvel like it gave me exactly what i wanted with no cost whereas that whole time i was like scared something was going to happen but it didn't actually happen and i reckon yes the dragon occurred and like you know but i still felt like it it became so safe dude in the last season if

you re-watch battle of the bastards the plot armor around john snow is so strong it is unbelievable. At one point, like 96 arrows fall all around him and leave like a Jon Snow-shaped not-arrow part. Like when they throw the daggers at the lady in the circus spinning around. People are coming at him and horses come by and take him out. And other guys just opt not to fight him. If you re-watch Battle of the Bastards, he is narrowly missing danger left and right and all over the place. I mean, they literally brought him back from the dead. Plot armor. Did anyone think he was dead?

Did anyone go into the next season think that Jon Snow was dead? I didn't know. Some people freaked out about it, but I feel like by the time it came around, enough people had seen the posts on social media or whatever and been like, okay, he's coming back. He has to come back. Melisandre being there, like, you know,

I think I got her name close. Yeah, that was a big clue. There was just a lot of... I was just wondering if it would be the first or second episode when he came back. The plot armor around Jon Snow got a little strong, but I't like to to look at it through that lens it's not a thing i want to just believe that it's as great as it's ever been i want the last season to be the best of all seasons and you know like all right i get it the sand snakes were lame but i like i just wanted i didn't like last season i thought last season was their worst season nothing

was as bad as the Sand Snakes ever. Dude, the thing about the Sand Snakes... They missed away so much time. Maybe one of you guys know the story better than me. Oh, they were the Dorne girls who did the horrible choreography fighting and stuff. And I wish I remembered... At the time, I knew it better.

But the plot line that the Sand Snakes replaced was amazing. There was this really cool like Dornish side plot that I've since forgotten and instead they made it like a Jamie and Sir Bron buddy cop story where they go in there and

try to do it themselves and it was super dumb compared to what they should have done. Yeah. There was a lot wrong with last season. I didn't like all the fast forwarding through like you you know, like, look, it took years seemingly for people to make it from the wall to like up north of the wall to any considerable place. It was like years they'd be going.

And then Jon Snow sends that like bastard boy. He's like, run back to the night watch and tell him I'm fucked. And he's just like the flash. That's Renly, Renly, right? Yeah. He says run. Oh, wait. Gendry. Gendry. Gendry. Gendry. Wait. boy he's like run back to the night watch and tell him i'm fucked and he's ready right yeah he says gendry gendry gendry wait but wait he's he's i i've been like a huge my my whole motto going in this season has been don't sleep on gendry baratheon i think i actually i think he's like almost superhero status like john snow because they make this whole deal about like King's blood this, King's blood that

that like red bitch loved his dick like she thought he was so amazing you know like that he was like he was a Baratheon and like the Baratheon was king and like he's almost like as we left it with Robert Baratheon on the throne he's almost like the rightful heir

after from once we last left it because he was his last son they went trying to go find him to kill him he's almost like the rightful heir after from once we last left it because he was his his last son they went trying to go find him to kill him he's got this like big ass hammer and then they just sent him out rowing for like five seasons yeah and like and like when i saw him do the running thing i i i for i was like i already thought he was special and now i oh, he's like, he's kind of like superhero status like Jon Snow. I wish they'd mentioned it. I wish they'd been like, how long have you been running, boy? Oh, I lost count.

Three, perhaps four days. How long have you been rowing, boy? You didn't stop. I didn't stop. You've had nothing to eat or drink for four days. You've stolen me muscle tone. He really did he showed That huge hammer he's got that huge hammer. I think he's gonna die god

I hope so and I just want him to fuck someone up like one of those white walker kings I just want them to get like a fucking hammer down the head And just like pop and then he can get like 10 swords and be like, I don't give a fuck. You know what was fucked up about Melisandre, the way she treated him, is when he was tied down in their little BDSM thing and she started putting leeches on him. She didn't have to put a leech on his dick. She was getting blood from all over the place. And nowhere even in the books where they're like now a king's blood is

Nothing That sounds like a sick like heavy metal like punk band or something But but that was together for Kings cock That was a come leach actually they talked about in the book extensively for like four pages what do they no no no i made that up i don't remember that at all but i can skip i was mowing at the time for the leech there and he's like oh ma'am please take it off i'm getting close but so wait we're all you guys feel how do you guys feel about tyrian that he's uh How do you guys feel about Tyrion? That he's also...

What about Tyrion? I believe he's related to Jon Snow and Daenerys. What? This is not a theory I've heard before. Because now Jon Snow is also a Tyrion. Jon Snow, not a Tyrion. No, Jon Snow is like

a Targaryen. Yeah, Targaryen. I think she's his aunt or something um so they have that in the book they talk of like the prophecy it's like a three-headed dragon and tywin's always like he's no son of mine and in the books they say that tyrian is a is like a bit blonder than the than his brother and sister and tywin like just doesn't like him and like he's literally like he's not my son yeah but the biggest thing in the show is only three people have touched dragons and lived and it was john snow denaris and tyrian touched the dragon when

she was like we'll let the dragon decide and he's in the cave and he goes up to it and touches it and the dragon doesn't kill him that makes me think about it then you think about three dragons tyrian john and daenerys and then i'm stepping a bit away from the like the theory of tyrian and i'm saying that like we will see them ride the three dragons even though one is an ice dragon because i think bran might be able to actually control that dragon and i hope he. And then they can use that ice dragon and turn it on. There's a point in the story where Bran asks if he'll ever walk again. And they say, no, but you can fly. Now, I recognize he's the crow, but I've always hoped that meant dragon.

But remember also the vision where the dragon is flying over the throne and there's all the ash falling? Yeah. I feel like that's brand's vision of flying that dragon being that dragon that might be that's a really good idea like i put all those pieces together but i believe that i also think that like what we're dealing with now is it's it's become a zombie tale because you saw the white walkers what they do they're relentless they all climb on top of each other it's like full-on zombie movie daisy we lose in zombie movies you lose there's nothing you could

do there's no two ways around it you'll always lose you you never win against zombies the only things you can do are like quarantine and nuke so here's the thing though it's not a zombie movie it's a vampire movie and when you kill the head vampire they all die they all die fair counterpoint well if you kill yeah yeah remember if you kill the the head guy all the ones he turned fall back down because they killed one of like the normal white walkers and a bunch of the the goons died what are they called the whites white walkers whites the whites are like the goons and the white walkers are the i the team white walker won me over a lot when that dragon showed up and the king white walker was so chill he didn't even care enough to walk briskly

no just grabbed that that ice spear one shot you know it was stupid very cool you know it was stupid because there was a dragon sitting on the ground. Yeah, there was one on the ground with Daenerys on it. The big one. No. Yeah. You should have aimed for that one. Yeah.

But regardless. It would have ended sooner if one of the other ones was like, My lord, just take the two spears with you. No. One, two, you know, calm down. No, my lord, don't style on them. Throw them rapidly. My lord, you're doing far too many cartwheels.

He's like Jordan seeking a three going, shh. There was one dragon flying around and he hit that one. There was another dragon with a load of our heroes on it that he left alone, sitting on the ground. My lord, stop dabbing on the dragon body and kill the others. You know what was funny? And actually in the last season also, where they're like, guys, we got to get this zombie and bring it to Cersei.

To prove to her That zombies exist and they're like wait. Okay, so we're gonna we're gonna grab this um And we're gonna bring it all the way to the Queen To show her that zombies exist the same Queen who has a zombie bodyguard bodyguard we need to bring a zombie all the way there to show her that zombies exist and she has a zombie next to her and i was still surprised that she saw and she was like nah i wish there'd been a fun they could have put a funny moment in there but she's like i don't believe in zombies and then the camera kind of panned up to the the mountain he just goes there was a funny moment because here's what happened i forget the guy's

name the one who makes all that like fire juice and brought the turn the mountain into a zombie but uh like they showed the zombie and then they showed him and he's like huh like he was interested in the tech yeah he was like could i keep this yeah yeah yeah i like that guy because it almost seems like he doesn't fucking care what happens. He's just ecstatic to finally have some funding for his crackpot ideas. Exactly. Where he's just like, I'll be on whatever side you wish, madam, but I want to make a half turtle boy with that stable land over there. And she's like, that's fine, do as you wish.

And he's just hard as a rock, loving it. So good for him. Remember when they sent out the bounty hunters to kill the dwarves, and they bring back a dwarf head, but it's the wrong dwarf head. And they're like, should I kill them, sir? He's like, no, no, no. We don't want to discourage people from killing dwarves and

bring them back just because they bring back the wrong dwarf. They meant well. They go to take the dwarf head away. He's like no no you leave leave it behind he's got uses for that dwarf head i just want to see it later on they reveal like a monster with like eight dwarf heads that would be great you know it's it's so funny because like it's called game of thrones and like when it first started you're like oh gosh i hope ned stark gets his oh okay wait no i hope aria and sansa get their revenge wait no i actually i hope that john snow oh okay i actually hope that rob start oh fuck

rest in peace i hope that everyone they're like wait hold on there's zombies here yeah now it's like i'm actually rooting for Jamie for some reason. You get all over the place. I think we got to remember that the show is called Game of Thrones, and we haven't gotten a single thing we ever wanted, so no one is sitting on the throne. I was going to say, these zombies are going to come. They're going to demolish everything.

Everyone's going to be dead. Jon Snow, Daenerys, and Tyrion are going to come they're going to demolish everything everyone's going to be dead john snow daenerys and tyrian are going to hop on their three dragons with the help of bran and they're just going to cruise by and burn everything and then go back to her island where she's from targaryen and like the whole series just kind of restarts it's like a huge reset um cyclical thing so interesting i'm interested is Builder our brand? I want to know that. That's what I believe that, right? I thought that from the get-go. Kyle's got a couple of strong points.

I don't recall them. I don't recall my strong points, but I've debunked that twice now. Something about... Never enough. No, no, no. You agree. You've agreed every time I've debunked it. That stuff is fluid.

It is so fluid. I don't remember that conversation. So I'm back to my old ways. Yeah, i don't remember that conversation so i'm back to my old ways yeah i don't remember it either but but both times i've been like ah but you see that old one did this and that so that can't be him i remember watching a video on it as well that like debunked it and then i stopped pursuing that angle they're both named bran but there's so how many johns are there in the show i don don't know. Are there a lot of Johns? 40% of the people's last name is Snow in that show.

Or Sand. Who are the other Johns? I didn't meet them, but there's a lot. John the Farmer. John the Big. John the Blacksmith. John the Sisterfucker.

No, I'm not that John. I'm your sister. I fucked my aunt. John the Auntfucker. You keep mixing it up. That would be weird if I fucked my own sister. How badass is Arya? Arya? What's her name? I love Arya.

She's in my top five favorite characters. I love her. I actually I want like one of the biggest encounters I want is like the Hound and the Mountain. It's like I'm so eager for it. We know we have to get a

payoff of the Mountain getting his ass handed to him and ever since that first season when like the Mountain fell off the horse and then like the hound stepped in and they had like a two second sword fight and the king was or the queen was like enough and then like the hound took a knee just as he like dodged like a fucking huge swing and you see the mountain is furious and like you know the hound is just like waiting for that revenge like i almost feel like they'll kill themselves, but I just want him to end.

The way the Hound is going to die, I predict, is either the Hound and the Mountain will kill each other. The Hound will win first, but then he'll die of his grievous injuries. Or the Mountain will die because of some comedic relief thing they do because he's the biggest, baddest guy ever.

One of the giants from the North is going to run into him and just pound him into the ground like a nail the same way that described it that extent like the hound in the mountain fighting like back to back and like they're like going they're like they're like going at it with each other but then like being interrupted because like a huge white walker giant comes and they look at each other, and they're like, one more time, brother! I love the mountain sounds after all this. Like a fuckish Englishman. Dude, I love to see it.

Are you ready to go again, brother? The giant's name is... Nom Nom? I think that's his name, something very close to that. Yeah, there was two giants, and they have Two-Bit or whatever, and something else. I would love it to see like the mountain fight against that guy too that'd be interesting that'd be great i would love that there's a lot of fun things they can do i i can't it's sunday it's not long from now we're gonna see the first episode and i am disappointed by

the length there's only six episodes i think they're all supposed to be movies it's gonna be like a couple of them a couple of them are really long aren't they isn't there one that's like an hour and a half there's two that an hour and a half initially they were like oh they're all gonna be like movies and then they released the time of it and it was like wait only two or maybe i think i think only two and a half are like maybe two and a half like in there even then movie is like 88 minutes kids movie length. Yes. Yeah. I don't like that. If they're going to cut down to six episodes and tell us,

but it's cool, they're 90 minutes, more than two of them should be that long. But anyway, I'm psyched. It's going to start. Game of Thrones, it's happening. I'm very excited. I'm very excited for it. Obviously, a huge payoff Gotta get what's coming to her

How do you want her to die? By the mountain? Just fuck her to death What if a sand snake kissed her or something? That would be interesting to me Not good enough though I'm with you Kyle I'm from Freestyle

I wantling dragon to eat her i want to get it she might even honestly quick for me like it might we since we never get what we want she might just do it on her own term and kill herself that that's possible but i want her to be outsmarted i want her to be she might that wouldn't be the no there's no way that would be so crazy if that happened imagine this is the one show where like it's possible it'd be fucking dumb but i feel like it's the one show where like anything is possible like any rules of payoff or what you waited for or anything like that like you can't count on it like i want to see some good deaths i want that an aria or a sansa has to die um you know like make it make it matter again take off the plot armor because that's one of the criticisms that we've had in the last season or two that you know oh i forgot my biggest my

biggest thought about this season is we went from like hating jamie lannister to caring about jamie lannister you've gone from feeling like one way about people to another way about people i almost feel like the beginning of of like this season i'm just gonna fully like go off like off on it a bit like it'll be following like a little boy like a little hooded boy he's like running like you know through the woods you know when it's like scary like you see like white walkers and he's's running. He gets fucked by hot pie in the woods? No, no. That's just me. Okay.

You see him run into this village and pull on a grown-up, and that grown-up turns around, and that grown-up is a white walker. And that grown-up's like, what? And he's like, Dad, I'm scared. When will the humans get here? And he's like, don't worry. The evil humans. Essentially, it's a flip on the perspective and like we're watching like wait why are the humans so good oh that's why he's in a hoodie like all these all these like little babies that were taken and are turned into

white walkers wow that's so evil is it really though they were living in that weird rape house before like hey hey hey hey women are getting rape incest house incest rape house sorry so like so hey you're being really judgmental here harley there was a good deal of rape so i'm just saying like maybe the humans are the bad guys and so i don't we're like damn like daenerys hasn't been that good of a person to people and like yeah she's freed some slaves but she's done some fucked up stuff like tyrian has lit like boatloads of people on fire like humans are all about destruction destruction when they talk about like the old days and all that it was like

she crucified all these people for having slaves right yeah like it's it's fucked up so like i feel like the one perspective is if we get an in tight white walker perspective and they're more humanized than we think that other than them just being like then maybe we'll just be like oh shit i think by like episode three we might have people who are like i'm team white walker dude like neris did fuck period like she she went in with like the mentality of someone who didn't know what they're doing. And is like, this whole city has slaves. Kill everyone and free the slaves. And then she goes to the next city and they're like,

my queen, as soon as you left, they regained power. And they're actually being much worse to the slaves now. They're not happy about it. She's like, well, I've already sent like 60 guys back there and tell them to knock it off. It was just over and over she did that. Just uprooted an entire city, left them in squalor. It wasn't that at one point

where one of the slaves was like, you know, I've been a slave for 72 years and I don't have a lot of job skills. Will you please let me just go be a teacher for these kids again? Like he offered to pay me like a little salary and she like was so stubborn for a bit.

She was like, I don't know about that. I'm not entirely sure you should be allowed. I'm pretty, you know, I know what's going on here. I like when she burnt the Tarlys alive with her dragon. I saw a meme on Reddit and it was, when Samwell meets Daenerys. It's just like, eww. What did she do when the guy gave, like, he's like, your dragons ate or burnt my kids,

and here are the remains. They're cool. They're cool and stuff, but, like, yeah, you're... How do you make that right? I'm sure she gave him some more... Yeah, there's no way to make it right. Oh, come on. It's ancient times.

How about three times as many goats? Oh! Well, that'll do, man. No, no. The kid one I'm talking about, not the goat one. Some land. I know. Some land also.

And a sword. Well, we have a plethora of slave children looking for homes. You can have ten. It's like, well, I really mainly just wanted my own daughter. Yeah. But wait. How do you guys feel like, what if we got a White Walker perspective? Oh, I like the idea.

It'd be like, it'd be fucked up. Wouldn't you be just so confused? Like, I don't even know what I want anymore. Yeah. Like, because they're really good at that in this show. They're really good. What if they were like the Mormons, the White Walkers, where they're like, everybody gather around. like the mormons the white walkers where

they're like everybody gather around you know no you just need to realize what i'm saying we're not doing any of this out of anger folks we're just trying to take back a little bit of land so we can live that's what i'm saying or if they're just like god i hate that kids these humans are so violent what why do we think harley's mic is clipping out is it is it internet is it i am not the one to ask is it better now is it constantly doing it it's just every once in a while it'll it'll drop like three seconds am i am i yelling when it happens you're yelling most of the time yeah yeah i haven't i haven't like caught it it's not clipping it you freeze it seems like it's discord to me and i'm i'm like everyone loved discord when we first flipped to it

it's losing me a little bit i love it every time i come on you're like yo we're on plus now not we're on skype now no we're google hangouts no no we're on discord now i've like all these apps i have like a whole folder of apps like we're just like past pka i i don't know what's in the um whatever did i clip there at all you clipped since we started talking about it fuck man yeah it's not your fault kyle's clipping too uh taylor's really not um and i don't think it's like kyle joked it was my fault but i think if it was it wouldn't be one person at a time i think it's either discord or your internets but i'm leaning towards discord i would imagine harley has pretty solid internet it is i have i have like 1.1.5 gigabytes oh smokes well yeah it's probably discord then

yeah i thought i was badass in one gigabit the sensitivity setting or the attenuation setting it could be something like that i just freestyled i clicked it we went on do it i didn't test or anything so it could be like uh maybe it's like it happened during that and you were soft-spoken and then it's also happened when you're really projecting so i i don't think it's like... It happened during that and you were soft-spoken. And then it's also happened when you're really projecting. So I don't think it's anything you're doing. I'm looking at my thing now. It has automatically determined input sensitivity. Should I turn that off?

We could try it. Hold on. I'm going to turn off automatic game control, noise suppression, echo cancellation. It might sound worse. How do I sound now? Sexy as fuck. Is it doing anything? Is it clipping?

Not yet. So far, so good. How about this? I don't know. Game of Thrones, brothers, fucking sisters. Really looking forward to seeing people die. I hope the bad guys become the good guys. I hope the little guy sits on the throne for a minute.

Want to see dragons fuck? Why don't we have dragon sex? I want more incest. You know what? I do feel like incest has been light in this series overall. Dragon-cest. Dragon-cest. One word.

Now, do you... Think about it. What does it take? I don't know. Do the dragons fuck Daenerys do the dragons fuck each other honestly the first time I fucked Daenerys I thought there was no pussy better

until I got behind that dragon big enough to stick your head in warm and wet and tight it's just I crawl up in there and just think of my father. Wait, wait, wait. You do what? I don't know.

I was running out of things. I was really with you until you were thinking about Ned, but okay. I'm Ned Stark's son. I love Jon. He's my number one. Honestly, Jon and Tyrion are tied for number one for me. It used to be Tyrion by a mile. Jon has caught up for me.

Arya is probably like second to me. I like Arya. Number three. Number three probably overall. Harley might appreciate this. So I've been buying a lot of nice steaks lately, and they get kind of expensive. And so I've been thinking, why don't I buy a whole cow?

Why don't I buy an entire black Angus cow like like like i want to go i thought i thought this was an ad read for a second no no no i i have a few cows but they're like they're not the kind that i want to eat yeah you don't want to eat no i don't know they're just like cows they're like inbred like living out in a field all different colors kind of cows but i'm thinking about going and buying like a purebred black angus cow that's like 600 pounds buy an actual cow the whole living beast and having it live at my dad's place until it's like 900 or a thousand pounds and then slaughtering it how much is is a cow to buy? I'm coming over for that. Get one of these motherfuckers, the hairy shit. No, I want to...

I think Black Angus is what I'm always eating. No, get one of those cool-ass Belgian ripped cows. Did you click on my link? I've seen them. They look very cute. No, so I had a guy that worked at Woody Craft. We did a team-building event and he told me all about these wonderful cattle that he was raising,

and he says this is the cream of the crop in terms of cows. For eating? Yeah. Or for petting. Because it looks like the best cow, that cow that you like, Taylor, is just a monster that I can't taste good. Look at my shit, it's on its ass.

I guarantee that cow sells steroids at a local gold and he talks like an Italian guy Something bro, you've never seen steaks like my steaks dog, but those are hanging down those balls Okay For a bigger picture I want to look at those balls yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna uh to buy the cow probably be a thousand dollars maybe something like that a baby cow but i was gonna get like a 600 pound cow i don't have to wait years for this thing to to mature into a okay a bigger cow i'm gonna get this cow know how jacked it is yeah it knows does it really does it bully the other cows yeah like i need to know does this cow know how jacked it is? Yeah, it knows. Does it really?

Does it bully the other cows? Yeah, like I need to know. Does this cow really know what's going on? I think it notices that everything that ever sees it runs away. And it's probably taking the hint. It's the bovine representation of Taylor in middle school. That cow has like those Adonis belt things. Like us trying to get those is hard.

And that cow just has it. It's got striation. And like the cow's just got to be just standing there. I actually want to hear about cow's topic. All it's doing is standing. I like Harley's question of does it know how jacked it is? Because I wish it knew how jacked it was. Because it would make its life into food process way cooler.

Because it'd be like, well, at least I'm dope. If he knew how jacked he was, he would eat himself for the protein. Yeah. I've been trying to get big on grass, man. I haven't even seen the peak. Yeah, he's on grass and creatine. Yeah. I can't believe you didn't keep your cow as creatine.

His mom produced creatine from the udders. I was hoping this article of 15 reasons why this cow is so insanely muscular, I was hoping it was just going to have a workout routine. It's like, well, he does shrugs and farmer's walks every morning. A lot of overhead presses. A lot of chest days with them. Man, if I ever am a tenth as yoked as that cow, you can slaughter me for food. That'd be cool.

I'm looking forward to it because when the cow's large enough, when I feel like it's maybe gone up by 30%, 40% of what I purchased, I'm going to have it slaughtered and then have all the beef frozen. And I'm just going to have steaks and ground beef forever. So can we start from the beginning? I don't know anything about cows, and I bet a lot of our listeners don't also. So you don't want a little cow because they take years and years. Something I didn't even know. Not years and years, maybe three years, something like that. I want to wait like a year. You're like, I'll have steak in 10

months. So the cow you'd be buying would be like two years old. Yeah, something like that. A year and a half, two years old. It'd be about 500 or 600 pounds is what I'm thinking. And then you would just put it out there with those lesser cows and let it eat grass and turn into a bigger cow. Exactly. And then you would take it to a place where they butcher it? Yeah. And do they butcher in exchange for a cut of the cow?

No, cash. You just pay them them you give them cash so yeah the cow would cost how much the butcher would cost how much yeah i don't have these numbers but i would estimate that the cow is going to cost like uh six to seven because it's purebred maybe 750 dollars um and uh the butchering process is probably a few hundred dollars. So I'd have like $1,000 easily in the whole thing, but it's literally going to be food for years. Is that really? That's how much steak you'll get out of that? Yeah. Out of a thousand pound

cow? Oh yeah. You know how I see this going down? When I have a full jar of peanut butter, I'm like fucking the candy man with peanut butter left right slather that shit on an inch and a half thick i don't care that's gonna be kyle at the start of the cow and then is it is it this the food supply slims down he'll start to like oh i gave it away to my friends and family oh never no nobody's getting any free steak off me oh you say that i

want i want i want to i want to invest and get a cow too at your place like i want my own cow on this yeah let's get lots of cows next pka adventure two years in the making i mean i mean yeah i mean i guess we could if you're serious. You guys, honestly, you guys got to now have like a $2,500 Patreon level where it's like they get in on the cow and they can come have cow with you and you raise their cow. That's a risky bet. We follow through with about half our Patreon shit. Yeah, but now you'll have a cow.

I'm going Tuesday to purchase this cow. That's when the – It's already set up. You'm going Tuesday to purchase this cow. It's already set up. You're actually going to get the cow. Well, they do it every Tuesday. Yeah, I've been thinking about this for a while. I'm definitely going to do it. I talked to my dad about it. He's like, yeah, we can go do that.

You said it already. What kind of cow? I feel like that's so casual for your dad. He's like, yeah, why not? What kind of cow? I've got a cow. I know how to handle that shit. Did you name the breed already?

I think Black Angus. Yeah, you did say that. Can you brand it with something cool? If I'm an asshole, I would brand it. I wouldn't brand the cow. They don't feel that shit. They absolutely feel that shit. I love this theory that cows have no pain receptors.

They literally say, ow. Dude, it's wow. It's a hot iron. I looked up Brecht Angus. I got a bull, though. This is a Black Angus cow. Wow, that is a hot iron. I looked up black Angus. I got a bull, though. This is a black Angus cow. Wow, that is a big dude. I was looking at it also.

I Googled it. Why don't you pick just a bull to get, like a really cool bull, but not the kind that anybody's looking at. Like you're looking for an underdog bull who you're going to raise into a titan, and then people want to pay you tons of money for its cum, and then you parlay the cum money into cows. Taylor, then people want to pay you tons of money for its come and then you parlay the come money into cows taylor i just want cheap steak dude no my convoluted idea makes more sense i'm like this cow is amazing look at its coat i'm just realizing i'm looking at a painting of a cow. It's a painting of a cow.

Man, even the cow is just a find. Yeah, that looks like, yeah, that's so funny. That is so funny. Look at the painting of a cow. I was admiring its coat in particular. All right. No, cows are cool. My grandparents had a cattle farm when I was a little kid, and I used to love going there and hanging out with the cows like just walking around them it always kind of like

blue well first of all they'd have to be in a very confined area like eating for you to walk around them because they're the most skittish little fuckers ever most of the time if you like walk over to them they would get spooked but it was neat as a little kid to be like i'm standing next to an animal that if it wanted to could kill me right now and yeah it's scared of me yeah i don't know that was a weird feeling as a kid i've worked cattle a lot um so so i'm pretty familiar with him uh i think this would be good and you just you know set it and forget it kind of thing with him out in the field i feel like i could do that with my property you absolutely could and forget it and on and on 14 acres Like if you legit fence your shit in

With like three strands of electric fence or something Like you could put You could put 10 cows out there No problem So one of the previous owners of this Of this place Did that And they called like animal services on them

The cows you could see all their ribs and I guess they didn't know you needed to buy hay and stuff. They thought they'd just live off the grass and be fine. What a bunch of retards. Apparently the number of cows per acre like they just way over did it. Now I think you could maybe manage it

if you brought in food, but they just expected this amount of land to support them and that wasn't the case. Yeah. And you case yeah and moving from pasture to pasture all the time it depends how many you've got it depends it's that cow per acre ratio that we're talking about my grandparents had like thousands who gets a cow though and they're like i'm sure this is enough you put 10 cows on a thousand acres and i'm sure you don't rotate shit they get lost oh yeah yeah yeah what did you do with uh cattle when you were growing up kyle like just herding them around They get lost. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There they go. Yeah.

What did you do with cattle when you were growing up, Kyle? Like just herding them around, moving them on your four-wheelers and birthing them? Oh, I only birthed one. Birthing them sometimes. We had one step. It's a foot into a soup can one time, and it sort of like went into the flesh as well because a cow foot doesn't fit well into a soup can. It was just limping around. The more it walked, the more it hurt itself. It ran that cow over with an ATV to hold it down and cut the thing off of it and inject it with

antibiotics and rubbing it with all this cow sterilizing bullshit and catching cows and retrieving them and taking them to cattle barns and running. How difficult was it to catch the cows? Like when they were on the road, what did you do? Pretty easy because we'd trick them. We'd feed them. It's called sweet feed.

It looks like dog food, but it smells wonderful. It smells like honey and molasses and brown sugar. Oh, like even for a human it smells good? Yeah. Like I've tasted it before thinking like, this must be like Cinnamon Toast Crunch crunch but better and it's just like no you're like oh yeah this is this is cow food but it smells amazing it smells like a like a sweet sweet deliciousness uh you know you

so if you're gonna catch them we would go and we'd feed them like a bag of that every day for like two weeks. And then on like the 15th day, we sort of like, yeah, the food's in here this time. And they're like, well, whatever you say, boss. And they go into a big pen and a gate shuts behind them. And then I operate the gate slowly filtering out the cows because you don't sell your cows when you sell cows. You sell the calves that are like between 300 and 600 pounds like the ones that have been freshly born especially the bulls because you don't need them like incestuously breeding with their mothers and sisters and stuff yeah what is this game of thrones yeah you've got traditionally you kind of have one bull who is like a good specimen is

gonna be good breeding stock as you would say to, to make your... That's how these Belgian blues came to be. They did the opposite and they bred them into retard strikes. They're so fucking badass their moms have to have them by C-section. Cow pussy. That's pretty cool. That shows that we're not at all tampering or fucking with nature.

I read that in the page we linked. That is so fucked up of us. When we see a pug, we're like, oh, what a little cutie. That thing has emphysema and asthma and every moment is, dude, this is going to be the time. I had a pug here today.

My buddy has his pug and he feeds it whatever he wants. He's like, yeah, it's not that good for him, but he doesn't get... The dog doesn't get sick or shit, but it'll definitely take years off his life but like he feeds like half of a cheeseburger and stuff like that and he's like man he's like the dog's gonna be here for 14 years so what it'll be here for 10 years and be way happier he's gonna see the look on his face when i give him cheeseburger and he was like feeding it and i'm like watching it and it's like eating and it's like its eyes are like

so why its eyes are soaking wet and there's so much skin i'm like grabbing its face i'm like why so much skin like genetic mistake like this thing it has no business existing dude even my dog it shouldn't exist yeah yeah i have great days they shouldn't exist either we talk about like you know modifying and fucking with shit monosato lost another lawsuit so i was real i was one of those guys that was kind of montesanto monsanto monsanto you were talking about some japanese corporation yeah i thought you were a ufc fighter it's like it's you have a great dishonor on the Monsanto So Monsanto lost another lawsuit

This is the second one that I know of This one, a farmer got cancer from their stuff, so if people don't know what the scoop is I used to be like, genetically modified plants I'm on board 100% on board Who cares if my tomatoes are plumper or whatever through genetic modification

You take the best two tomatoes, you put them together, you get an even better tomato, you keep that going for a while, and suddenly, you know, they're juicy and plump and wonderful. That's what I thought it was. What it actually is is it's making them resistant to Roundup, which is a kind of weed killer. And now they can just cover your food with weed killer and the tomatoes keep growing or soy or whatever it is. And for the longest time, they're like, no, weed killer is the tomatoes keep growing or soy or whatever it is and um for the longest time they're like no weed killer is fine for people only bugs hate it uh people trust me it's cool and there's like parallels to cigarettes here we're like kind of you know the people who sold you this shit told you that it was healthy for a long time yeah but the people who applied you know critical thinking were like, I don't know.

It seems like cigarettes are kind of bad. Five out of five camel doctors were hit by us. Say the smoke. It's like, what's that stuff? Teflon. Like on all the pans and stuff. Teflon is in the blood of 98% of people

on the planet. They're trying to test for teflon and compare it's dangerous to regular blood you know it makes your penis smaller right yeah i do i've been the teflon don my dick is like you should see me when i barf i'm like where is it i'm not i'm not even joking? I'm not even joking. No, I'm not even joking. You ever look at your dick when you barf? And you're just like, yo, I've never seen you so shit.

I'm using it when you vomit. Yeah, you ever throw up like your dick goes, like it's worse than shrinking. Your dick's like, ah, noises. And it just like hides. Take a look at your cock next time you throw up, trust me. This is a good one. I'll make a video. You know i do the smallest i've ever seen my penis when i was throwing up once i was like i looked down i was

like oh i don't think i've ever thrown up naked i'm like i hope you go back to normal i'm usually clothed when i'm vomiting yeah yeah you guys or it might be an underwear but you gotta yeah also clothed and pulling his waistband out. No, I'm like in my underwear. Man, this stomach flu couldn't get any worse. I'm in my underwear. I'm getting ready to jump into the shower after this mess.

So I'm undressing in between. I just caught a glimpse. I was like, oh, God, no. Were you alone? Please come back to normal. I had a girlfriend at the time. I was like, oh, God, no. Were you alone? Please come back to normal. I had to go over in time. I was like, you got to come in here. Come look at this.

What were we saying, by the way? We were talking about a Japanese company that we brought shame to. Before I was talking about Little Barf. Oh, yeah, Teflon. Montesanto. Teflon, there's one on Netflix, like a whole documentary about Teflon and how it's like nonstick pans,

but now it's like in everyone's blood. Is it bad there? Yeah, Teflon's bad everywhere. Why is it bad? Just hypothetically, hear me out. Like plastic in the dirt. In some ways, that's really bad because your plastic never goes away.

In other ways, is it though?, because your plastic never goes away. In other ways, is it, though? How is plastic so different than a rock? Yeah, that's what leading experts say. Right? Whatever, plastic, it's just the new kind of rocks. We make plastic rocks now. 100 years from now, like the Trump administration.

Yeah, yeah, dude, I'm auditioning for the EPA. We get the oil out of the ground. We put it in the ocean. What's the big deal? Now, when you think about it, it was in the earth before, and we're just moving it. It's just a different place from where it is. The oil was under the ocean.

Clearly, there are natural predators to oil that survive off of it, like germs and microbes and stuff. So if there's a big oil spill, just like when rabbits go out of control, coyotes expand. Oil goes out of control, it's fine. Nature has a way of dealing with these things. That's true. Lots of people say,

but look at the boom in the population of oil fish. Huh? Well, that is like nature's way of solving this. It might be like erasing humans one day. Nature's way of solving. They put seagulls in there. They're kind of absorbent.

They fill them up with oil. Just think about it. Every time you see an oil spill, what do you see? The birds, the fish, they're chomping it up. They're covered in it. They're covered in it they're covered in it now be honest with me people do you think that a bird listen to me here lots of experts talking about this do you think that a bird with the gift of flight is gonna land in oil because it doesn't

want to that's nonsense that's something that that's something that prison hillary would say it's like they have bird brains yeah these bird brains you know what i've i've held my tongue too long i fucking hate birds i see all of them covered in oil the border's not that big a deal we're we're waging war on birds now oh that would be the funniest fucking thing i think i'd be against a kind of animal war on birds i've heard many people say we need spiders. I've never seen a spider do anything for me. Has any spider ever done anything for you?

No, I didn't think so. Tax rebates for anyone who sends me a dead spider. Yes. Kyle, this is something I think you might know because you were raised in a rural environment. Why is it when a horse hurts its leg It's done for It's done

Even horses that are very valuable They can't seem to save them They're not good at rehab They're stupid fucking animals They'll just go ruin it You can't put them in a cast They'll trip over the cast and break another fucking leg You can't hang them by their belly

If it's a Kentucky Derby winner and it breaks his leg, they still die, and this shocks me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they get all kinds of stomach issues. If the horse does anything wrong, they get, what is it, colic, where their intestines get all entangled and stuff? Horses are fragile, fucking stupid animals.

Yeah, they just gotta kill them when it happens. I always thought they were kind of bright for animals, no? I mean, bright as far as maybe having a relationship with you and recognizing the guy that they let ride them, and biting the guy that they don't want to fuck with, sure. But smart as far as

physical therapy? Not so much. They're not great at that. What it's showing here is that race horses in particular are bred to have lighter bones. And so it's saying that when a human breaks their leg, it breaks. When these bred racehorses break their leg, it shatters. When a human has its leg blown off by an IED, they just put a stump on there.

All we want is this horse has come and we can't keep it alive they shoot every horse that ever breaks its leg and the same thing with cows like like like if a cow breaks its leg it gets shot like i've done it it's there's there's no there's no rehab and it's it's also it's it's usually financially not feasible because you've got like a cow that's worth did you say financially yeah that's why I keep bringing up these Kentucky Derby winners. Yeah, you're right about that. Even when resources are a worthwhile investment, they don't save it.

I don't get it. Yeah, they just can't rehab them. They just keep ruining the leg. What happens if you cut the leg off? Can't it walk around on three? Dogs do it fine. That's an interesting thing. i that comes just as good you know you may have me there why don't they just amputate the leg like they do with dogs that's a good idea let's get this out there maybe they

yeah maybe they maybe they just can't do it like a dog can't three-legged yeah maybe horses can't operate where they tip over all the time? I'm going to assume they tried. I feel like I'm going to assume they tried a number of things. Yeah, I'm sure there's a reason for it. They tried almost nothing, and the bullets still work. You mean to say, Harley, in the last 5,000, 10,000 years we've been domesticating horses, people have kind of gone through the list? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like they did that. I feel like they're like, yeah, three-legged horse doesn't work. No, it just looks silly and falls and it gives the kids a laugh. I feel sorry for fucking three-legged dogs and one-eyed dogs. I feel sorry. Oh, you can. I found this out that they have no attachment whatsoever to their eyes, their nose, their legs. If the dog lost all its legs, it's not going to ever stop and be like, man, my life is shit.

I used to run. It thinks nothing of it. Apparently, like a dog can lose both its eyes and be blind and still just be as happy the next day. Yeah. Yeah. And my dog, my mom's dog got smashed by a van. It's alive but his jaw was like hanging and its legs back legs were obliterated it was covered in blood and it was like we went

to the vet like because like we brought it there and like when i got in i like walk in the back and it sees me and like it's like i'm like it's tails wagging it's like coming over to me like it's normal i'm like you're covered in blood your Your face is falling off. You have no idea. Apparently, they also have super high pain threshold. Dude, I got a thing. I have a ton of guilt. I don't even know if I'm guilty, but here's the scoop. I had this dog.

His name is Dakota. He's dead now. But he was wonderful. He was a yellow lab, and he was just man's best friend. Super, super dog. I'm getting into hockey more and more at this point. And he would practice with me. I'd have a stick, I'd have a ball. And stick handling is super important in hockey. And I was a better skater than stick handler. And I would just play keep away with

my dog all the time. Just curling around, doing whatever, practicing that move where you wrap around the, you skate behind the net and you tuck it in the corner. And you know, he would try and get at the ball and I would keep the ball from him. And then every so often I would like flip it up real far and he'd chase it. And that was his favorite part of the activity. And he'd bring it back. So he also at the same time ate these bones, really big bones that were super hard, like rocks almost. Like they lasted a long time even for a 140-pound dog. And one day we noticed that one of his teeth was cut in half, like the four canine teeth. One of those four canine teeth were busted.

And we had to give him a root canal. We're like, you know, like what do you do here? Do you pull the tooth, whatever? And they're like, no, like this, this dog, those four teeth are its hand. Like that's how they pick things up. That's how they do things.

And like, it's double true for labs who are really mouthy. So we gave him the root canal and I always wondered if he broke it on that bone, which was the theory everyone ran with, or if I hit it with my hockey stick, which only existed in my own head and is possible because he's like trying to get the ball off the stick.

Like I know I raked his muzzle sometimes. That was like a thing that happened. So I don't know if I busted his tooth or not. And I certainly didn't mean to. Oh, he's dead now. I definitely don't think you did. It was probably the bone for sure. Like I know tons of people who do that with their dogs.

Like when I've been around dogs before, I'll stick handle around bone for sure. Like I, I know tons of people who do that with their dogs. Like when I've been around dogs before, I all stick handle around them for fun. Like it's just a fun thing to do because they get all excited. You get all excited. It's actually way harder than you think to keep that ball away from a dog. Yes. Yes. Because they don't know the rules.

No. So like, that's very hard. It's about the body. You keep the body in between the dog and the stick. You're not going to bang. You're not going to bang into him hard enough to break a dog's tooth. That wasn't you. Well, thanks.

So rest easy. When you said you'd be the judge, I thought for sure, regardless of what you thought, you'd come down to the other side. Okay. Because it's funnier. Guaranteed. Hey, have you guys finished your taxes? Yes. Yes?

You filed too or no? Yeah. Yeah, I'm all done. I'm at that. This is where I like to be right now. I finished my taxes, as in to say, like, I'm done. And I like to finish them a few days early. And now I, like, think, like, oh, yeah, I bought a laser printer.

Like, that's a thing. So I have this, like, I don't know, proofreading period that I'm existing now, but the bulk of the stress is off That's good. Let me do it. I taxes. Let me do our ad read here. I wouldn't know Somebody else's that shit if you're buying sneakers online. There's a good chance that the shoe you're looking at is fake How can you be sure that it's real well go calm is the safest way to buy and sell authentic sneakers online? They're the largest marketplace in the world for authentic Yeezys jordans over six and over 600 000 sneaker listings they've made the whole process frictionless and trustworthy they do this by only accepting sellers only accepting sellers with the best reputation and by verifying all sneakers to

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some kyle meat for so long now i can finally speak up. Kyle's meat. It's in high demand, folks. Soon it'll be coming to you. Now, blister-free. Kyle's meat coming at you soon. Whether you like it or not, that's your tagline. Kyle, I just checked up on the NHL

scores for today. There's obviously eight rounds going on right now, the beginning of the first round of the playoffs. So far, I picked the Bruins to win. The Maple Leafs beat them 4-1 today. The Capitals are only up 3-2 over the Hurricanes, and there's still some to go in the third. And so assuming the Capitals win then i'm two for seven and i am five for seven

and it was it's all because you just picked the opposite of me god i bet i know a lot about hockey how am i so bad every year every year i suck at practice think about this taylor if i had put like a hundred dollars on each one of these seven games, I bet I'm up like $3,000 right now or something crazy. Oh, if you would have put $100 on that Columbus versus Tampa game last night, yeah. Like what was the line? It was crazy.

Like minus $2,000 or something? Or $2,600? That's what Chism said. I'm killing it. Something like that. I'm killing it. Wait, wait. Was that for the series or the game, though?

For that individual game. I don't know. I just look at the little line that it shows under ESPN.com. 2600 is outrageous for a single game. Yeah, I thought it was 3-1 for the game, roughly speaking. Oh, maybe. I don't know. I thought it was 3-1 on that game.

I still don't understand how betting works. I just... I'm with you. I don't get into it. I don't care. In any case, things are going well. Can't wait to see you in that stash. It's going to be hot.

It's going to be good. I'm going to do the Jordan stash in blackface. It makes it less racist. That way no one is offended. In for a penny, in for a pound. So you may as well go whole hog. There's two trite phrases in one sentence. You know, six of one, half a dozen we had uh we had a fan that we were

told had been suicidal and uh we were asked by one of our um hundred dollar patrons if we would make a a video for him and sort of talk to him about suicide and how you know you know jokingly a little bit you sort of tongue-in-cheek have a good time with it because he likes the show you know talk him down from his ledge. Now it seems like he's through the worst of it, but we recorded the video before the show and I thought it was hilarious. I thought it was hilarious and incredibly racist.

I hope that that guy isn't Asian. I really do. Oh, no. This was supposed to be a supportive thing. No! I want to be like, when Kyle first said that, I'm like, no! Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I guess. We went hard in the paint. The friend of his, who's the patron who spurred us on to do this thing, he is Asian. I think maybe – I'm going to go with Vietnamese because that's what he cosplays as in every one of our Hangouts. He wears the rice farmer hat, and he has an AK, like an AK-47 rifle. And he looks very much like someone that Rambo would be like.

Oh, it's hilarious. very much like someone that Rambo would be like. Oh, it's hilarious. Our patron, our $50 patron hangout every month is a hoot because Black Guy and Blackface. Dude, Black Guy and Blackface was amazing. The gentleman who shows up to our hangouts. Yeah, don't use his name. Yeah, I'm not going to.

The Black Guy shows up and he was wearing black face to tell him whether or not that was offensive and it was like and he had like big lips drawn on like fucking vaudevillian level racism real quick this is the asian guy we're talking about uh you guys can't actually i can show it to you i don't want to share like his oh wait i did don't want to share his... Oh, wait. I did. Yeah, don't share anything of him.

Well, they both have said we can put their picture up there. I didn't want to share his username and which people... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and the black guy was also the KFC. You're getting it, Harley. Yeah, I remember I tweeted one of these out, too. Oh, my God. He has a bowl of rice.

So this actually, this happened, I noticed that like RiceGum did this, he went to Japan and kind of did the same thing that like Logan Paul had done in Japan. And like people gave him shit. And like, I will be one to go and defend RiceGum a whole

bunch, but like, I was like, no, that's allowed, man. That is allowed. I would be furious if I like was just like, if I did, if I, if I like dressed as like a rabbi and had like a jar of pennies and I was like, this is my Halloween costume. And another Jew was like, I'm offended. I'd be like, you fucking, you're being such a pussy ass kike right now. You're offending me.

Yeah. So fucking pull up, pull up your fucking, put on your yarmulke and like fucking kike right now you're offending me yeah so fucking pull up pull up your fucking pull on put on your yarmulke and like fucking man up right now all right we're having a good time how about you how about you pay me ten dollars and i'll take the costume off right now oh no no this son's racist i draw the line there this is a a black guy. He's black. I don't care. He's racist.

It's just black. He's not black enough. He's African. He really plays dance from Africa. If anyone can do that, it's a black person. And so I stand, this is an ACLU issue, a civil rights issue. clu issue a civil rights issue listen i i actually like i'm i'm like i i think you i like you got to be able to do your own thing you got to be able like you know like you're black you can say the n-word and i know some black people don't like black people saying the n-word but like you know

they're allowed i say the k-word i do my my family gets mad. My dad will be like, is it free refills? And they'll be like, no. He's like, okay, then I'm good. And I'll be like, you kike. Don't say that word. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. You get it. That's what happened.

I feel like it's good to go. Did you see that tweet? That showed up to me latest in life. I remember hearing the K word, I guess what it's called now Yeah, like when I was an adult like or probably like 16 or something Wait, what what is that? What did you just say? Is that a word? Yeah, hey you guys get passes you guys could say anything for jews and I was like you guys you guys I'm collecting passes. You got a pass. Yeah, you got the pass now

You know a good pass You know where it comes from I would like the the refinance my home at a lower rate pass though apparently it comes from like uh like when a lot of jews were uh immigrating through ellis island teichel yeah they exactly i think i shared this on the on the show for even no let me think that i knew something okay but they in case you guys didn't notice i repeat like 80 of the shit i say on this show every single episode dare you but they couldn't they didn't want to put an x if they didn't know how to read and write they didn't want to put an x because it's a cross so they would put a circle and like they would say shut the fuck up curiously effective oh that's my dinner thank you so much for having me on the

show by the way are you leaving uh dude check out this tweet i just remembered it right now what if he like stomped that dog like he's putting out a fire like he really like high knee and just remember this moment the asian girlressed in the Vietnamese field worker hat Points a rifle at our patron's head He says don't do that baby The gun's loaded Everyone including the guy in blackface starts laughing Do you remember that?

That happened That hangout is funny It's a bunch of big dicked guys That's another prerequisite If you guys have never tried to sign up for the $50 patron you have to send us a picture of your penis with something for scale and then you're allowed in and so it's a lot of cool guys very inclusive we like to think of ourselves as a safe space that time of month so yeah come on in and if you even better if you come on in and you're uh not white and you can do something hilarious.

We appreciate as many non-whites as there to validate our casual racism as possible. It's our way of – we can always be – somebody will say something like, hey, that's really racist. I have a black man who begs to differ. He doesn't speak for all of us. That's not how that shit works. That's not where he is. Yeah, like South Park. Do you think Jesse Jackson is the king of black people?

That's what my dad told me. All right, guys. I'm going to go eat dinner. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for coming on, man. Anytime, dude. Have a good one. Yeah.

This is great. And I'm going to touch base with you guys after Sunday. Might not be right after Sunday. It might be four months or something next time I'm on the show base with you guys after Sunday might not be right after Sunday, might be four months or something next time I'm on the show we will be touching base I look forward to it alright, I love you dudes I'm just going to click this button

thank you so much, oh guys, check out my stuff HarleyPlays on the internet Instagram and Twitter there will be links in the description to all of your wonderful stuff really? I love you guys Instagram and Twitter. There will be links in the description to all of your wonderful guys. Really? Of course. I love you guys. Let's talk about that cow. I want to throw in on cows.

Absolutely. Peace, guys. Later. We're not going to let this cow thing go by the wayside. You guys aren't getting any of my cow. It's my fucking cow. It's my idea. You're not going to give us even a little tiddly wink of your cow? No. I'll send you some pictures of the fucking delicious food. No, no. You know what? I'm actually kind of...

I do want pictures of the food. Yeah, you get pictures of the food. That's it. You're not getting meat. I'm supposed to be responsible for packaging this meat up and putting it in dry ice or some shit in a styrofoam container and then mailing it out? I'm with you, Kyle. You didn't volunteer to be our postman. Man.

I'm with you, Kyle. You didn't volunteer to be our postman. You never signed up for that shit. I will sell you some meat. I'm pretty lazy about doing paperwork of any kind. I paid my power bill today. They were going to cut it off tomorrow. I had $85 all month, folks. What does that have to do with paperwork? I had to sit down and do a thing. There was a piece of paper. You don't have it set up for auto pay? You know, maybe I should have done that, but I haven't, no. Some things I realized are not a good thing to have on auto pay because I just checked like my bank.

I was doing like taxes shit. And so I was looking through my financial records and stuff. And I just like happened to glance and I was like an April charge for renter's insurance for $23. And I was like, oh, you fucking cunts. You had me going for like four extra months. And if I hadn't caught that, I guarantee those people would have just left it going for like 36 months. Dude, I... Until it was legally obligated to take off. My best financial tip to anyone out there is that you order a new debit card every two months.

Every two months, I get a new one. That's so often. So often. It prevents any of that bullshit. It never happens to me. Because I'm always signing up for like seven day trials so i'm gonna watch a movie for free or something and if i'll forget all about it um i the other day i had some fraudulent activity on my card somebody's

buying paying for the fucking netflix with my shit and the bank's like hey you have two netflix accounts you're paying for and i'm like i don't think so and they're like accounts you're paying for? And I'm like, I don't think so. And they're like, well, you're being charged $27 twice a month in this month and last month. And I'm like, I don't have the DVD package. Like my shit doesn't cost $27. And so whole new card. And every time I do it, I realize all of the things that I had been paying for

and they all just slough away. I did that recently by accident. I left my debit card at a restaurant like 45 minutes an hour from here and I thought it would be easier to just get a new debit card. I had them.

Really? I had tons of things like Dollar Shave Club. Suddenly I can't pay. Netflix says I can't pay. My wife keeps coming to me like everything is an emergency. Woody, Woody, Woody. Like Dollar Shave Club says they're not sending it. It'll be okay, baby. It'll be okay.

We're all going to be fine. Trust me. They keep emailing you over and over again. Oh, you get plenty of chances, yeah. But I had to re-sign up for so many things. But then there are other ones that I wanted to drop off. Just recently I was looking at my financial stuff and and there was a vpn service that i had signed up for at woody craft you know to protect my ip address and uh i'm like i don't even know the password for this like i haven't used it in ages and you want to use express

vpn now anyway exactly it's the best vpn the best was i'm. I'm sure it wasn't the best one, though. No. No, you wouldn't have taken it off of a payment plan if it were ExpressVPN. No, he paid that year. That's a lifetime decision, my friends. You're damn right. So, yeah, I do that every couple of months, and the result is that I never end up paying for things that I don't want,

because I do hate that. Because sometimes you'll catch it, and you'll be like, shit, I'm like $300 into something i never even knew i had like like shit i had two sling tv accounts what the fuck is that even worth and that's like 40 a month or some shit it's not a little expense yeah it's uh it's worth it though uh not so much anymore i don't think i used to get my hbo and my uh i canceled my sling i get hbo through amazon now yeah i don't think i used to get my hbo and my uh i canceled my sling i get hbo through amazon now yeah through amazon now and i used to use fox sports for obviously for ufc so now that you mention it ah i now that you mentioned honestly i just got an email from

sling a couple days ago saying hey your credit card isn't working i'm not gonna re-up there's no reason to have sling tv anymore because now we've got espn plus which has all the ufc content how do you we never discussed that woody how do you feel about that i i it's bad for the fighters i think so the fighter unless who knows what contracts will do but if i just get a percentage of this pay-per-view and i have a feeling ufc the company just got a bundle of money for going to espn plus and now the individual pay-per-views that roll in that fighters get a cut of is going to be flipping tiny ufc might do better as a whole but the fighters will do much worse yeah that's possible i as a as a customer i am just fine with it honestly because now everything is in one place

and it seems like there's a lot of free fight nights. I don't really keep track, but it seems like I've only paid for two events, and I've gotten four more for free since they've started doing that shit. And I know that all the bars and restaurants that traditionally got it, they're still going to get it. So I guess the revenue still comes in that way but but yeah you're right it's got to be fewer customers oh with all those hurdles yeah like it i heard bernie schwab talk about it and he's like everyone over 40 is out people over 40 are ordering this shit with their remote or their telephone and they're getting it over their cable and i'm'm here at 46 like, well, not everybody. Yeah, like some of us know how to download an app.

You're not over 40. Yeah, yeah. But your father might struggle to get an ESPN Plus pay-per-view. It might be the barrier that makes it not worth it to him. It's not his thing. But let's say it was his thing. Yeah, it's potential. But he'd ask me.

I feel like the people who have been traditionally watching UFC and are UFC customers, they're going to move over. Like if you really want to see Lawler fight, you're going to ask a nephew or something. Yeah, the hardcore, right? But what if you're only tuning in for those Conor McGregor nights, like once or twice a year, the ones that get a million people watching?

I think they'll have a hard time breaking records. Yeah, you might lose the casuals. nights you know like once or twice a year the ones that get a million people watching i think they'll have a hard time breaking records yeah you might lose the casuals um although with all the free fights that are on espn plus maybe that's you know maybe you develop you grow a fan base yeah we'll see what the long-term implications are but for me i i just it it literally cost exactly the same because it's whatever. It's like $6 or $7 a month, but they lower the cost of the pay-per-views by like $5 each. They're still not selling what I want. I want a season pass. I want a season pass that gives me like so much UFC content that I'm fine. I want every pay-per-view, every fight night, season pass.

Am I missing something? Oh, everything bundled together. Yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah, like in football they have it. I think ESPN Plus gets you everything now, doesn't it? Well, maybe I need to look into it. But that's what I've always wanted that. I've wanted a season pass that is cheaper than buying all the pay-per-views.

Oh, I see. Like one-time purchase and, well, yeah. Or a monthly purchase, right? Like, hey, all right, Woody, we get it. You buy two or three pay-per-views a year, and that's, what, $180? How about this? How about for $240 a year, you get all those other pay-per-views you weren't buying? I do that.

That's the deal I want this. So $20 a month, I guess it would be. And I get all you can eat, everything UFC makes. Yeah, what I have, and I probably need to disconnect it now because I never use it. I had the UFC app because it gives you the entire library. And not just the UFC library, but all those bullshit organizations that they've bought over the years. Like, you've heard of the big ones. Pride, Strikeforce, WEC.

But what about, like, oregon super duper badass dudes kentucky fighting championship there's a kfc champion all right these are literal things and i'll be like holy shit there's like 30 pay-per-views from the kfc championship fighters that's that's a real thing because one of my instructors in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was the KFC champion. Yeah, and I'll go in there and I'll watch those sometimes, you know, because it's kind of fun. It's a small rinky-dink organization, you know. The light show is like super lame and like the announcer is like, all right, who's ready for some blood?

It's just a spotlight and a pinwheel. Yeah, and like one guy and his two drunk buddies go yeah i uh yeah i i never got all that i didn't i just that's the deal i want i feel like that so like spotify did this right people used to buy song by song by song like on itunes or on cds before that and then they went to Spotify where they pay, I think it's $10 or $20 a month. Maybe it's $10. And it turns out $120

a year was a bigger music budget than they previously had. So the music industry made more under Spotify than it did under CDs. It grew because people weren't buying $120 worth of CDs a year.

Now lots of people are. So if the UFC did that and it was $240 a year, I don't think I spend $240 on UFC pay-per-views a year. But if you told me $20 a month and I get them all, I probably would do that. Yeah, I agree. That would be an interesting thing for them to do. I wish they would do that. Yeah, I agree. That would be an interesting thing for them to do. I wish they would do that.

I really do. Because there's a lot of them that I just watch an illegal stream for. I feel like there's only one fight I want to see. And that was the case with the Till fight. The card with Darren Till and Masvidal. That's the only fight I wanted to see. I wanted to see Till fight.

They wouldn't let you do it a la carte though. Oh, it was. They did something like that. You said Till and I had Wonderboy in my head. um mazvidal that's the only fight i wanted to see i want to see till fight was it they wouldn't let you do it a la carte though oh it was i did something like that you said till and i had wonder boy in my head i'm sorry yeah i was like i'm just gonna somebody's gonna link me on discord and i'll watch this and sure enough like what i want the fight i wanted to watch lasted like a round maybe yeah no i um i agree it's i sometimes I don't buy cards because I only buy cards that really seem worth it. I feel like I'm a casual with regards to paying for UFC. Yeah. I'm a little – maybe I buy more cards than you,

but I have the same mindset that like that card's not worth my money. That card's not worth my money. I'll tune in tomorrow. I'll go to RMMA 10 minutes after the fight happened and i'll watch the juicy bit i'll watch the i'll watch the hand get raised or i'll watch the head get get knocked the fuck out and and that's that'll that'll be fine for me and i'll save my 65 dollars i hear you yeah i yeah anyway so you oh big uh big weekend saturday night saturday night ufc sunday night's game of thrones should be cool yeah absolutely big weekend for sure and entertainment lots of

stuff going on i have i'm gonna watch captain marvel i'm gonna i'm gonna fit that in this weekend too oh i thought you saw that i enjoyed that i don't know what he saw it oh okay what do you thought it was uh middling right uh a good I think I'm going to 7 out of 10. I watched the movie before I saw any ads for it and I didn't understand what all the girl power talk was about. And then I saw the ads and I was like, ah, they didn't advertise it

like I want them to. Really, I thought it was just a good superhero movie. Like you want it to be. A good superhero movie. Yeah. Did you guys see this thing I just linked? I've been laughing at this news story for all day oh god it's uh the zimbabwean government spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to import colonial era wigs from the uk and now they're wearing them and now like the average zimbabwe guy is like why are you doing this you are do you know that i drank a cup of my own pee earlier just today because we had no water and you had to spend all of this money on wig to look like

the white man the colonizer now this is not what i am a fan of man this is not i am not the end of this this this looks so silly this picture i'm looking at of all of these black you you look like a homosexual and that is punishable by death here can you imagine your government like i know we spend so much shit on dumb stuff but this is such like a visible dumb thing spending a hundred and fifty five thousand dollars on Wigs from hundreds of years ago so that you can sit around and feel like who fucking King Edward Like you look ridiculous Why look at that guy with his glasses on like like musing over something being like hmm What legal precedent to set and all of his constituents just like I do not care what you are even going to do. You take that goddamn wig off of your head.

You look like a real asshole. I swear, we only have governments for five or six years at a time and the team like yours is already up. Was that a woman in the foreground? No, we were never allowed that. It does look like one. I'm pretty sure that's a woman in the foreground? No, we were never allowed that. It does look like one.

I'm pretty sure that's a woman. I want to invest in an African country. I keep hearing over and over. China's doing it. Yeah, China is investing. I share with you guys already. In the PKA Hangout, we were talking about stocks. Someone's like, Woody, do you own any individual stocks?

And I was like, yeah, I've got this one. I've got a couple of FedEx's one. I think they've been beat up lately. But what was it? Indian Bank. And I bought it a long time ago. And it turned out I made somewhere in the low six digits on it, like 120 or something. And yeah, right.

I was like, oh, fuck. Like, that's that's cool. Right. I said that so casually i feel so poor right now you're like you know it was it wasn't a heyday or anything a cool 120 oh my god it was like it was literally like 120 grand i hadn't been keeping track of you know like like was it and uh goals dude so now i want to do it again and i'm like oh so the the i was working with all these indian guys you could see it as a burgeoning company see like the new york time like the whole world was surrounded with like how they were thick

with uh engineers they like they like they deprioritize sports and just you know engineer math science stem and it was this whole country doing that. And I'm like, I want a little piece of this. So I invested in a bank. And I did a little research, made sure it was like one of their sort of major staple banks, like their Bank of America or whatever. And it turned out really well. I'm like, I should do that again.

So where is the India of Africa? Oh, this is the first national bank of Zimbabwe. It is literally the first one founded last year. I heard we have been in service for the people of Zimbabwe since 2017. Well, 2018, really. Like, is it Rwanda? I forget. I was just reading recently, like, like. Is it Rwanda? I was just reading recently, this is the most business friendly.

I hear about Nigeria a lot. Yes, yes. There was another one that I didn't expect. I think of it more as not so much a country, more like a target, like a place that we would fuck up every so often. Yeah, like a place where war happens all the time. Yeah.

People just send a team in, and then people will be like, fucking the Congo went out of nowhere when their uh their king mysteriously died from and a marine sniper was found nearby but he was on vacation like i'm i'm i'm older so i when i hear a place like lebanon i picture like broken down buildings and bombs and shit. They've rebuilt since then, I'm pretty sure. But yes, I want to find like, you know, another, let's do an emerging market bet. Let's make one and then not, and then ignore it for 12 years. Let's pick the worst African country.

Oh. Invest there because they always say. Welcome to the Democratic National. The Democratic Republic of the Congo we are neither a democracy nor a republic but we fool the rest of the world because both of them are there they do not even know that it is

a despotic leader who steal our water and our women he come in and declare that thing from Braveheart. I don't remember. Oh, I forget. Yeah.

Prima Nocta. Prima Nocta. I declare. Can you imagine having to do that? We're like, you're getting married and some fat fuck shows up and it's like, I declare Prima Nocta. And you have to be like,

it would change the whole dating strategy, right? Like you would want to marry a woman who's hot but not too hot right because then the premonakta steps in i'm i'm willing to step away from the border wall all i ask is the reintroduction you get married and trump just knocks on the door i Frankly, I'm declaring, and lots of people have heard this said, I'm declaring pre-monacta. You're going to go in the garage and I'm going to fuck your wife the way you

never could, and then I'm out of here. But if your wife's not too hot, he might be like, pre-monacta, pre-monacta, pass, pass, pre-monacta, pre-monacta. Like Duck, Duck, Goose. So you want to get as hot as possible. Honestly, I'm going to fuck your ugly wife. Oh, man.

That would be the best turn to this presidency if he started going like... Look at the immigration rates. Look at crime rates from back in the Middle Ages. Very low. The reason being, pre-Minocta. Dude, have you seen he wants to put herman cain in charge of the fed the only thing i haven't heard that the only

thing i can think of when i hear the name herman cain is you remember like the gif of him from his ad years ago where it's him like turning and giving like a little barely tooth smile. It's so uncomfortable. Yeah. That hurricane ran for president. He probably shouldn't be head of the Fed or head of the Fed on the board. What does that mean? They determine what happens with interest rates and kind of control whether the economy should heat up or cool down and try and keep things on a nice even pace. But he was trying to put him on the board or like the head of it. The head, the top guy.

He's going to run it. Oh, well that doesn't seem up to him. Dude, this guy literally said we were going to go back to the gold standard as he ran for president. It's kind of like when they put Rick Perry in charge of the Department of Energy, one of the departments he wanted to eliminate when he ran for president. And I'm just like, I don't know. Like, look, Trump, I'm not against everything you do, but some of these things are really silly. You put the 999 guy in charge of the Fed.

Where did Herman Cain come from? He was a pizza guy. No, but he was out of it for a while. He was part of it in 2012, right? The theory is that Trump mixed him up with Ben Carson. That would be so fucking funny. Honestly, I said, Mr. Kane, you come, you do whatever you want.

And then he showed up and I said, you're not the black man I invited here. Come to realize he wasn't the same guy. They look the same, yeah. But they look so similar. And they don't look similar at all. Yeah, I see the similarity.

That would be so fucking funny if it was because he got mixed up with ben as if like ben carson is that he's one guy like i i don't like when people rip on him as a dummy because oh yeah yeah he genuinely is a world-renowned groundbreaking neurosurgeon i don't actually hear that criticism of him people saying he's dumb oh i've heard that of him and so it's like yeah i get that like politically he's not a very smart guy or he doesn't seem to be i don't know the sleepy doctor i thought was an accurate criticism that was true for sure he is the sleepy doctor he has very little charisma but it's like come on like don't call him dumb like just let him go back to saving Siamese twins lives or something.

Like, I don't know. It seemed weird. It's a little bit of a bummer to me that that's not where he stayed. Right. Cause I, that's what I'm saying. His major contribution to society, my, um, orthopedic surgeon, you guys have heard me praise this guy so many times. I love with my orthopedic surgeon. I'm a repeat customer. Not my choice. I pick him every time. I mentioned that I was

retired. He's like, man, I got to do that. Now my orthopedic surgeon is probably by me and not notice the money missing from his bank account. But it's like, no, you can't retire you're a community resource that we all depend on you're like you're the guy i i him and and then the staff that he's built for physical therapy like i'm so in favor of my orthopedic surgeon dr carson yeah i'm gonna have his name right dr carson should be there too right there he can do things that other people can't. I wish he was doing that. Yeah, I agree with you. He's a smart guy. You don't get into neurosurgery or brain surgery unless you're a bright fellow. It's one of the two hardest.

You would think that he would have got into it and been like, this isn't really my forte. I'm going to go back to saving lives. But it's like now it seems like he wants to stay in it. And it's like, no, dude, you already found your golden goose. You found what you're put on Earth for, like your skill set. Don't switch to something that you're obviously shit at. Like, you can save lives.

You can do your thing. You can leave a grant. You've already left a legacy. People are going to remember you in the medical community long after you're dead to the things you've done why go on stage and let trump make fun of you yeah or i think he's head of urban development right now yeah something but even so he'd be better off in a surgery uh operatory than i would think i do wonder if you lose it like i know that if a computer programmer stops doing it for five years, he's barely a computer programmer anymore.

That could be true of neurosurgery. No, that's a fair point. So is the reason that happens because the language you're coding in or whatever changes so much that you jump back in and you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, the language advances, and then the frameworks everyone uses around those language advances, Language advances and then the frameworks everyone uses around those language advances,

like all the APIs and auxiliary tech that it connects to changes. And I even wonder just the simple logic stuff, like how you get rusty. If you were to jump back into it now, do you think it would take you a little while to get it back on your feet? Yeah, I mean, I did it at WoodyCraft. I was a YouTuber playing video games for years, and then at WoodyCraft, I started fixing bugs and making little enhancements and stuff. And at Cisco, to be an egomaniac, but I was good. I would do the hard stuff.

And at WoodyCraft, I would do the stuff that our good guy was too busy for. So that happened to me. Okay. Yeah, computer programming is one of those fields where, like, to me, it's just magic. I don't know anything about it. And, like, it's just, I don't know. So a really smart guy sits down, hits a bunch of numbers.

It looks like swordfish. You test it every day. It's literally like a daily iq test and all the programmers know who's who like the managers they don't understand what the fuck is happening they just like whoever kisses ass better or whatever but all the programmers know exactly where you stack rank in like god-given intelligence and it's uh yeah and it's it's a weird thing to be flipping measured and And I worked for a company called QAD, which is not one of the tech titans or anything.

And I really felt like I was king of the hill. And then I go to Cisco and it's like, oh, I'm in the majors now. This is a whole new thing. Did you see, they released that first image of a black hole this week, which is really cool, I guess. But then suddenly everybody was like, oh, a black hole this week yeah which was which is really cool i guess uh but then like

suddenly everybody was like a woman did this it was a woman who who who wrote all the code for the first image of a black hole and it blew up on reddit this sick with me here it blew up on reddit that this woman had solely done this thing it was her picture all over there they made a like how to get karma fast starter pack and it's her picture and the black hole. Then it comes out. A man did so much more of it that it's not even funny. He did 340

times more lines of code. She did 2,400 lines of code and he did 800,000 lines of code. He did 850,000. I actually saw a little blurb about it. There's no reason to get frustrated with this woman. She didn't pick to be foisted by the media.

She didn't pick that. So people bullying her isn't fair. I'm very skeptical that he wrote 850,000 lines of code. I think that that's a tremendous amount. A lifetime of code. It's been going for like four years. And they showed their GitHub. Right. So what's happened is he's checked in that code but he could be the code reviewer like i'm

just skeptical that he's literally the guy that typed all that code that's an outrageous amount of code it sounds outrageous to me he might be the guy that does the code management there were like 30 there was like the real leaders and then some team leaders some like i guess the necessity team leaders where it's like if these things don't line up nothing works and then there were like 30 like small team leaders and she was in one of the unessential ones the whole point was that like they really kind of ignored everybody else in who worked on the pretty one to give the credit to. They picked the female one. She could have been fat and ugly, but they still picked her.

Of course. Yeah, they were obviously pushing the female thing. I think it helps that she's pretty. It might help her karma. But it's definitely the reason that she's being posted. And then they post. She also did the TEDx talk on it. Did you watch the TEDx talk where she talked about it?

I did watch that, yeah. So she was kind of a front man. I don't know. This thing has been going on so long that she was like nine while they started it. So she couldn't have led. Yeah, 2004, does that sound right? And she's 28. Am I in 2001?

Oh, I thought it was like this current project was like 2016 to 2019. And I think she joined in like 27 the end of 2017 or the beginning of 2018 or something yeah i'm not making it up yeah i could be right or wrong i maybe that maybe what i read was wrong but um you know what i saw is that things started in the early 2000s maybe the project's been redefined with different starts but i'm right i have no fucking idea but yeah is. But yeah, and anyway, look, she's brilliant. She's a doctor of math-y stuff, I think.

I guess what it is. The math-iest stuff. Yeah, and I think at MIT, too. And now she's working for NASA. I wonder how much her parents paid. Hmm. That'd be so funny. She got an easy job. I feel like you can't buy your way into

mit the way you could at like harvard or yale because like that's a real thing like if you look at nepotistic rates of i don't know schools i saw the schools like harvard and yale way higher than mit because a place like mit you show up and you're not smart enough to be an engineer you get weeded out pretty fucking quick. Your dad can't pay enough for your project to look okay. I saw the picture of the guy who did the supposed 800,000 lines, 850,000 lines of code.

If that lady had given him a handy, he'd have slipped her 2,400 lines of code, no problem. No questions asked. That's my stance. That's what's occurred here my stance is that is that i really don't care i i don't really care either um i i thought it was fascinating that they they have an image of the thing yeah i just thought the black hole picture was cool because i know i laughed really hard because uh they had a couple uh photoshops

of it where one of them was the look at my dick. You get punched picture and it was the black hole. And the other one was the goat see where it's a guy's hands pulling his asshole apart. It was on there. So, so, you know, I won the day.

I don't care who gets it. I really, I, so I doubted the picture for a while, right? This is the picture that can't be captured and stuff like that. And then I listened to the TED Talk and I listened to how they got the picture. And they said, this is what we expected the black hole to be like.

We took tons and tons of pictures, discarded all the elements that didn't meet what we expected it to look like until, well, behold, it looked like we expected it to. And they have like – Like really? Uh-huh. Now, so you heard this and like me you're like the freak like it's backwards engineered yeah like you just discarded all this stuff that didn't look like you wanted it to and then sure enough what was left was what you wanted but it turns out they had like four teams doing this and they all came up with the same picture which invalidates maybe

what i just said so i look forward I look forward to how this evolves. Maybe we do have a picture of the black hole. Maybe they're going to be like, you know what? That was largely horseshit. That wasn't a picture like you think it was. It was like, do you remember the big story

like eight years ago, nine years ago? And it's like, we found life on Mars. And they're like, oh my God. And then they're like, we found what might be a frozen bacteria in a lake

somewhere and that's life that is everyone immediately no i know it is but everyone immediately lost their fervor for it because they're idiots like me and are like you mean nobody's even walking around we didn't find a guy named alan just hangs out on mars hello friends my name is my name may seem foreign to you it is alan alan really well i just took out the i in alien yeah that would do it for me like bacteria is all it takes it because because it's not about the eye and alien. Yeah, that would do it for me. Like, bacteria is all it takes.

Because it's not about finding... Because that first step, the idea is, like, a lot of people don't believe that there is any life whatsoever outside of our planet. Now, there's some people who don't believe in evolution. There's some people

who don't believe in evolution. So to them, maybe bacteria on another planet is completely meaningless. They're like, yeah, so there's bacteria. Who cares? But to me, that's proof the the starting point for what we are is present out there and and that means it's present out there everywhere the three body

problem that book tackles this like it tackles religions like acceptance and evolution to all these different worlds and like like the Bible doesn't mention all these other life's and the globe is the center of the universe and they just like how they had to evolve to keep like reverse engineering like no no no it was right the whole time but it also meant you know these other cultures existed in the

Bible the whole 6,000 years old thing is just ridiculous like even most Christians I talk to and know are kind of on the boat of like yeah i believe god created everything but those days are not strictly days i mean it does even say in the bible to the lord uh a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day his conception of time isn't the same as ours and so obviously evolution could have been the lord's mechanism to get us here and it's like okay well i at least you're including science into your thing it still seems kind of fucking hokey that you had to back up that much but like the

the real deal the earth is 6 000 years old people like i don't know how they can cling to that anymore like it's just we know we know we have records of written language older than that in Mesopotamia and the Fertile Crescent. There's some reverse engineering going on. My father told me that geology is not a real science. That's true. It's like phrenology. And I heard it, and I didn't have a counter for it.

Like, I don't know. And by the way, he's really smart in a lot of ways. So if you go and try and be like, Dad, you don't understand. Carbon decays at a really steady rate. It's gone to this. That's why we can look at these things and see how much carbon we expect

versus how much carbon there is and know exactly how long ago it took. And he would debunk that shit and you wouldn't, you'd never change his mind and you'd run out of things to say. You'd lose. Well, carbon is a government conspiracy.

We're all made of helium at different densities. That's why I purge the helium from my body. That's why my voice sounds like this. And so, I don't have anywhere else to go With this Why do you look so inflated Well that's the neck thickening

And the face reddening Cream Man your throat hurts so quickly After pretending to be that maniac Can they let him back on twitter So I can laugh at his tweets again My god Your throat hurts so quickly after pretending to be that maniac Yeah, how does his do it? Can they let him back on Twitter so I can laugh at his tweets again? My God Please

Dude, the biggest thing with him Is he says things that are true And that's my challenge You know, like You'd be like, what? You know, the Whatever, the water paper documents And you Google it and you're like

Oh, fuck, that was a real one. You know? Now we're on to... What does he say the condensation trails are? The contrails. The chemtrails. The chemtrails. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and you're just like, oh my god, you know?

I'm having a hard time. I have to research every one of these things because if one in three is true, that's the challenge. He just gish gallops and says so many things. And that's what he does, is he'll mention five big events in a tirade.

And if you look at it, you'll be like, oh, fuck. All five of these big events he's talking about are true and they happen the way he said. That's interesting. Huh. I guess the 50 claims he sprinkled in there must also be true like that's how he gets lizard

people vampires pedophilia like it's crazy yeah the pedophile thing is insane to me where it's like that it's been shown many times elites do engage in like these pedophile rings and things and what the fuck is that about what is it about and it's not just one culture not just one religion not just one group it seems like any monolithic power structure eventually gets a bunch of pedophiles and a bunch of people who abuse kids. I think that it's just the best sex that there is. You know, it's that... It's got to be what it is. I think that it's...

It's just so good. I think it's just so good. It's like that forbidden fruit. You know, I dislike the Clintons, and then, you know, a couple rides on the Lolita Express, and my goodness, me and Epstein are tied.

Trump did ride on the Lolita Express with my goodness that me and epstein are tight trump did ride on the ep on uh lolita express with clinton and epstein and those guys and that guy epstein like it's not like he was convicted it's known that he did up kids and he got out after like a year It is known. But that is crazy. Like a wealthy guy who knows all these people was engaged in, was convicted of kitty diddling

and it leaves the news so quickly. When you say kitty diddling, because that could be code for like tickling little kids, you know? No. He's the best kitty diddler in the whole preschool. Tommy, come over here

Big Mike wants to kitty diddle you The guys being pedo things Like It's a Predisposition that's not what I'm looking for Like a presupposition If I see you tickle a kid Looking at your side eyes

Right We are watching a little girl she's one year year old. I don't change her diaper. I've never changed her diaper. I'm not... I mean, if she needed it, it's almost a medical service you have to provide. No, no. It could be running down her legs

as she tumbles down the stairs. I'm not touching that. I don't need any accusation. I have a daughter. I changed her diaper. It gets in the folds there. There's some cleaning to be done. I don't want to do that with someone's kid. It sounds like Kyle's never changed a girl's diaper before.

No, fuck. I've never changed a diaper before. Are you kidding me? No, I've changed a diaper. I've never changed a girl's diaper. I ain't changing nobody's diaper. It's just like Louis C.K. said. You've got to literally flip that shit over, inspect the insides inspect like the the leg to labia like crease there wipe that out like there's some

cleaning to be involved shit gets up there i don't i have not done it once with this girl but it's not a sexual thing at all it's not mild cleanliness thing i don't want to i don't want any part of it yeah i i just like because i and the thinking is like i just like almost too close everyone would guess assume like i don't know i don't want to be i don't want any part of it jackie does 100 i'm with you there too i i would use that excuse myself and i would mean it oh hell yeah when i have kids i'm gonna bust this excuse honey we don't need anyone casting accusations at at me i'm the breadwinner here okay they take me out the whole the whole cookie crumbles okay now they're gonna take down me mr

underwood they can surely take down that idiot fat-headed retard podcast you've seen what happens when attractive women sexually molest children and what did that little girl's pussy look like when he was done changing her I bet it was squeaky clean I bet he spent a lot of attention on that pussy I bet he did a lot of wiping and maybe a little semicircular rubbing and you know me i'm a louisiana man i'm not a fan this is getting horrible and sometimes just to be sure that you achieve cleanliness you're going for a little little smell you're already down there my fair share of children maybe a taste so i have never changed your diaper not once and I don't even want to be in the room.

Now, it is a world of difference between pooping a 14-year-old's penis and wiping a girl's poop off of her vagina. One of those is reprehensible to me. The other is a fantastic Friday evening. You can guess which is which. You can guess which one, Mr. Spacey. I'm siding with Woody 100% on this. Not because I would be afraid of someone saying I was a pedophile for changing a girl's diaper.

Just because I don't want to change a fucking diaper. And that's a great excuse. That is a good one. I don't want to change diapers either. It seems unpleasant. Very much so. Yeah. One thing I did do when we had kids.

Yeah, I guess we still have kids, but I didn't do any of the waking up at night. Jackie was a stay-at-home mom. Her sleep schedule was more fluid than mine. I had to perform at work the next day. If the kid needed food or consoling or whatever, she did 95% of the waking up at night. She would have to be in.

That's a good setup. If your wife is a stay-at-home mom, that makes the most sense. Especially if you're going to a really mentally intensive job like what you had where you can't show up feeling 50% and knock it out. I'm a go-to-work programmer, baby.

Okay? Just think about it. It just makes sense. don't i've thought about uh employing the kevin spacey excuse for malfeasance in all aspects of life where remember when when people were like hey you touched 14 year olds that's pretty fucked and he's like actually the fact remains that i am a gay man and and that should be the news story, is that I'm a homosexual. I like to suck penis. Now, please don't focus on the other things I did.

Next time I get pulled over, I'm going to say, but I'm gay. Yeah. I have a question for you, Taylor. I'm genuinely curious about this, and I bet the fans are too. Taylor? Yeah. I'm genuinely curious about this and I bet the fans are too. Maybe three weeks ago,

your car was badly worn and you had to rent one. It was so bad. And you became in the market for another. Where are we now? I bought one like five, six days ago or something. It got to the point where I had plans with friends like last weekend and they're like, are you still coming Taylor?

And I was like, no, I, I can't come. I have to spend all day finding a car because I called the rental company and was like, Hey, just, uh,

what's my grand total for this rental car? Because I kept like extending it out and they're like, it's gonna be 640 dollars and i was like okay well i'll have it back tomorrow and so i i returned that i went and i bought a honda crv the the suv kind what so what year was it i'm going to show people what it looks like. 18. What color is it? It's like a duller blue.

Not duller. I don't know what the word is. Lighter or darker? A darker blue. I always did prefer the dark meat to the light. Oh, I love me some dark meat. Does light. Oh, I love me some dark meat. Does it look like that?

Yeah, it's pretty close. All right. It's very shiny. But yeah, just a practical SUV, good gas mileage. After looking around at the... It was the Subaru Legacy initially that I was looking at. That's a sedan. And it was because it was the subaru legacy initially that i was looking at that's a sedan and it was because it was such a good deal and then the more i looked at it i was like it's really not that much more expensive to just bump up to a decent suv

and i have very good credit and so my rate was ridiculously low and so it was like net net after i'm done paying all of it off like i think i'll pay maybe like twelve hundred dollars in total interest like yeah not that much that was what i was hoping you would get right there um you know you were talking about the subarus and stuff and and and just i know you don't care about the car being cool or whatever but this might not be your last relationship fingers crossed that it is you know but the kind of lady you're gonna pick up in a subaru is gonna have armpit hair she's also going to be into ladies trying to pick them up in that subaru with you yeah

that's true they're very it's a dyke car yeah it's it's you're gonna pull up the red light and look over and see another one and you're like, sup? And it's going to be two ladies named Maude and Fran or something like that. Or some guy in like a Rastafari hat smoking weed as he's driving. I like Subarus too. They always appealed to me. This is a beautiful car. Do you like it? Is it like, when I got my truck,

suddenly it was this giant treat for me. Like it was, I hadn't realized how nice things had gotten. Yeah, it was like, because my old car was an 08 and so it was like i hadn't realized how nice things had gotten yeah it was like because my my old car was an 08 and so it was like a full 10 years difference and just like like i didn't buy a high uh model or whatever i bought like the the basic bitch model and even getting into the the 2018 basic bitch model i'm like this has bluetooth and it's got all these features it's got a rear camera on the front that it's got a rear camera yeah i still don't like i still find

myself like turt like going in reverse and looking at the rear view camera and being like i trust my eyes i'll turn around and check manually i still do that pretty much every time. But yeah, it's great. I hope to drive it for a long fucking time because as I've said before, I don't give a shit about cars. I just want to drive it into the ground. I want it to have no maintenance. You drive a Honda CRV into the ground,

you're going to be old. Yeah, I'll be old. Like if I have kids in five years, I can give this to them as they're processing that 21 yeah you're really good like you can drive these into the ground and my agent i was talking to my agent's a buddy of mine i was just like what are the three or not three what are the cheapest brands you can get for insurance and and things like that and he's like honda toyota subaru and hyundai to a little bit lesser a little bit because i guess hyundai's are a tiny bit cheaper but i like it a lot so far uh it is nice

because my old car the person who had it before me tinted all the windows to like black and so now if i'm like backing up at night i'm like oh look mr vision over here who can see all the cars behind him it's no longer a guessing game so that's nice and like the the wheel bed of this like it may seem like oh you went from a sedan to an suv it's gonna be harder to park it's gonna be harder to do these things. Nay, nay, not at all. I didn't realize that the Chrysler 300 is literally a boat. It is an enormous wheelbase, a huge sedan. And so it's been an easy transition.

And I'm sitting higher now. I like that a lot. So yeah, I'm super happy with the purchase. It's a good one. On my truck, everyone thinks they're an above-average driver, right? Not me. Not anymore. No, no.

Now that I have my new truck, like parking it, for example. It's new to me to park something this. I've had it a year. I don't really drive that much. And, hey, everyone cool with walking? Because there's like four spots next to each other way over there. So, yeah, let's do that. It has this simulated overhead camera.

You can press a button and get like a bird's eye view. So I do that a lot, and it helps me see where the lines are. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, but just the same. Jackie's like, you're in two spots. I thought I lost track of that line. And Kyle's giving me, Kyle's driven full-size trucks for much longer than me.

So this is my first time. I'm not laughing at you. I just think it's a funny scenario. It's where I am, man. It's where I am. You know, like everyone thinks they're a good driver, but as Taylor would say,

nay, nay. Not me. I'm still adjusting, like, the tighter spots. On the highway and everything, it's very easy to drive. The tight spots. What's your next car going to be, Kyle? Have you given that any thought? Because your Camaro is, like, isn't it, like, seven years old now or something?

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know what it's going to be. Like, my Camaro, there's not a dent or a scratch on the thing, right? It's got like 60,000 miles on it or something like that. It's not that many miles. After seven years?

Yeah. You work from home. Sometimes it doesn't add up. Yeah, it's plenty fast. I just don't need another sports car. I see them. The new Camaro looks fucking cool. I saw a Mustang in traffic the other day and it just sounded great um but you know who has lots of miles those uh postmates people who bring kyle his food they're racking up yes they are ruining their cars um so it'll probably be like a new truck or it'll be a new suv or uh or i might go

with a classic car um it'll be one of those. It depends what I'm feeling that month, whenever I finally decide to pull the trigger. If you went with a new SUV, what would be kind of your short list? I like... I've rented Explorers a lot, but I don't really like how they look. I love how they perform, but I don't like the exterior look of them. They look a little bit like a minivan to me for some reason. They don't't like the exterior look of them. They look a little bit like a minivan to me, for some reason. They don't look like a man-led SUV anymore. Like an old

Silverado. Yeah. Yeah, they don't quite have that look anymore, which is what I like. But they drive incredibly well, and they do all kinds of cool shit. So I might consider the Explorer or the Tahoe. I really like Chevrolet products. I've had a bunch of Chevrolet.

Tahoes are very nice. Yeah, they are. And very expensive, too. So, you know, I might consider something like that. But then I always really like classic cars. So, like, I could see where... You can do that with your dad on the side. Like, you probably have a couple if you wanted to drive at any given point.

Do you use a truck as a truck much? No. I almost never have anything to move. Almost never. I don't remember the last time I had... The last time I required a truck, I had accumulated a bunch of Amazon boxes. Like, a bunch.

I'm sure you're aware of how it gets. But my dad happened to be visiting for the UFC fight that weekend, and I was like, let's flatten these boxes up, send them home with you. And then we just made that happen. So like just haven't needed a truck in months and months and months. Just don't have any use for it really.

Yeah. I take my paramotor places and it's not heavy, but it's big enough that it warrants a truck bed and use it all the time. Yeah. I wonder if there's some, I don't know exactly what the paramotor. Yeah. You need a truck. You need a truck. Even putting putting it in a like at the back of an suv i can see it like maybe

leaking a little bit of fuel or oil or something in there i think it'd be too big for an suv there is like trailer hitch carriers that some people use that's what i was thinking too it's in the wind and rain though and and you have to take your reserve if you can't get your reserve parachute wet that's very someone rear ends you're so upset. I would be so sad. Imagine that. Yeah. Someone rear-ends you, and your first thought is, my paramotor! Yeah.

And it's expensive, too. It's my children! Yeah, right. So, yeah, I like having it inside. If it's a short drive, I just lean it against this. I have, like, a sliding bed cover. I just lean it there, and it's there. If it's a long drive, I take the arms off, and I slide it under the bed cover so it's weather protected and uh it's just a good system i'm sure people

would love paramotor talk for all night long but better yet paramotor travel talk that's where it's at oh it's truck talk truck talk all right all right man but yeah still super happy with the thing people every time i make a video they tell me they want a truck review video and like it's a Ford F-150 literally the most sold car in America I don't know what I can contribute to the truck review video like library

that's out there but people seem to want my version of it it's the top rated comment on a lot of my paramotor videos where's the truck review. I, maybe I should do it. I don't know.

I want a boat review at this point. Oh my God. Kyle knows our boat busted. They, if people don't know, I own, I don't even know a 15th, a 17th of a boat and a,

a special towing mechanism to bring paragliders in the air. And the idea is the boat drives around the Lake. You tow the guy up in the air and then he can make ridiculous decisions over the in the air. And the idea is the boat drives around the lake, you tow the guy up in the air, and then he can make ridiculous decisions over the safety of water. And some of my club mates took it out on Wednesday, and the motor appears to be destroyed. It's wrecked. Like, first day, it may have been something to do with the pre-season prep that our mechanic did.

The seller is like, maybe I didn't winterize it right and the water cracked in there but i'm hearing cracked engine block and like we need a whole new engine and i'm i'm over there on the keyboard like fuck it guys let's get a backup boat like you know that's where i am dude you divide 8 grand 15 ways. You're only in for 6% of this thing. It's incalculable. Incalculable. Incalculable. Incalculable. That can't be right.

That's it. Incalculable. Incalculable. Anyway, but yeah, even expensive things aren't that bad when you pay 1-fifteenth or one-seventeenth of it. So get a backup boat, and then we'll be – that's what I did with – I've got two paramotors. You know why? They break sometimes. So let's get two boats cooking.

You should think of more things that are just completely frivolous, but you would pay 6% of their asking price. Oh, yeah. I'm like, you know, it's kind of sunny out. Let's get some tents up in this bitch. It'd be more comfortable. I'm like, you know, it's kind of sunny out. Let's get some tents up in this bitch. It'd be more comfortable.

Have you guys seen those inflating sofas that people bring to the beach? Let's get half a dozen of those. I'm all about paying one-seventeenth of things. That's what I've been pitching. If you guys go for it, I'll actually bump myself up to 8% of the payment, which means you guys get to split that 2% savings amongst yourself, which is incalculable. Well, that's one-eighth of a percent each. But in any case, yeah. Incalculable, Kyle.

Incalculable. It is incalculable. incalculable Kyle incalculable well in any case calculable or not it seems like a rainy day for the boat boats are just

cursed objects bust out another thousand divided 17 ways it's alright bust out another thousand that's funny but not this bust out one seventeenth,000, which is incalculable. Yes. Yeah.

I like that when I'm confronted with easy math problems in real life where they're like, well, Taylor, if we do this for 1,000, do we have to split it five ways? That leaves us with, and I'm like, some amount of money. I don't know. It's incalculable. That's right. I've been doing it. Do we have an Asian on staff? Wizards are

way out of this. I'm more concerned because I think it's actually I did calculate some of it. I think I'm in for like $333. I'm more worried that I'm going to miss all of April and who knows what than pay $300. Yeah. The question is, how long is it going to take you

to get $1,730 together? Right. Yeah, there's going to be a couple stragglers. Yeah, yeah. You guys got it right. You don't need Ronnie's 330, do you? Especially that dude who was like – Hell, that's the tax.

We had like an attorney draw papers. Yeah. $1,700. No. And, you know, like I don't mean to – it's hard to talk about money without being an asshole. But, you know, that $300 means different things to different people. Some guys, maybe they just bought a home,

or maybe they're just not high earners or whatever. This group is $300. It's a serious chunk of change to come up with. And other guys, not so much. So I'm sure the group has a variety of that. Yeah. Well, let's hope everybody ponies up, or they're going to have to get...

They lose their membership. We had an attorney come in and define contracts that we all signed. That's fucking hilarious. You know what this is, Taylor? Woody went down there and he hit that engine block with a sledgehammer. He's going to weed out three guys

this way. Next month, that boat's going to spring a fucking leak. Now I own one fourteenth of a boat. Next month, I'll own an 11th. Only a matter of time until I am the remaining boat owner. Yeah, the world's least reliable boat is all mine. By the time it gets to that, you will have opted for so many upgrades that it will be a dope-ass boat that only you own. This is smart this is what he's like

look at me brain i am the captain now but yeah the boat is already busted and and there's a bunch of like you know like we think you did bad mechanic work and someone else being like i told told you that we should have got a newer boat, you know, one that would be more reliable. And I'm just like, dude, give it to a mechanic,

have him do mechanic shit. Let's get it back ASAP. So it's, what's wrong, dirty Ronnie. You don't have $300. Guess you're out. Dirty Ronnie.

He's coming to the paramotor events, unshowered. I should have never bought a boat with people who called me to my face. Dirty Ronnie He's coming to the paramotor events unshowered I should have never bought a boat With people who called me to my face Dirty Ronnie He was foolish then And I feel like a fool now I don't know what the perfect size

For this group is Jackie's shutting the door She's done with my noise So if all 17 people were to show up on a weekend That would bum me out perfect size for this. Jackie's shutting the door. She's done with my noise. If all 17 people were to show up on a weekend, that would bum me out. I would hope to get 20 toes in a weekend, and I think I'd get six. That would suck. On the other hand, maybe you need 17 people to get six to show up. I don't know where that balance is.

I guess we'll learn. That's a good point. Kyle, you want to go in on a boat? I have no fucking interest in going in on a boat. It'll just be me and you and I'll pay one seventeenth of it. We'll get a rowboat.

Sure. Absolutely. We'll get a canoe. We'll get a one-man kayak. And you can get one-seventeenth of the fun by watching me from the shore. You're out there just kayaking spitefully.

I didn't even want to come here. I don't even like this. This sucks, dude. Splash, splash. And you only paid $11? Was it worth it? Watch me kayak spitefully. Hey, Kyle, there's a new hole in our kayak

that's the exact same size as this drill bit. Kyle! 117th of the kayak is missing yeah i can't imagine wanting a boat wanting a boat oh i want a boat for like a recreational well it's it's a difference because you grew up on the water right there. You're familiar with it. You don't get spooked by the ocean and all the abominable creatures lurking underneath. If I get on a boat

and I can't see land, I get a little panicky. The Thanks Dad. That's what it was named. Somehow I'm not surprised. It was a sarcastic. No. I like that boat It was neat to have a boat

Woody named his motorcycle sorry dad My bad dad He didn't get the joke I like my motorcycle I don't think I got the joke though Oh I meant the one that you bought in school That made him upset it oh that was uh that was my were he wildly over third motorcycle yeah yeah yeah oh that was your third one at that point yeah it was the ducati that got him so upset no i'd like a boat i'd like a lake boat because like every time i've gone out on the lake on a boat i've had a ball um a pontoon boat

or what's a lake boat no um uh fast fucking boat yes you might like our boat i uh i i had a we were down on the on the lake one time i was thinking about buying some of these jet skis this guy was selling two jet skis and i didn't end up buying the jet skis because they they wouldn't start when we got there so that was a that was a that was an easy decision but one of my dad's friends just happened to be in that cove of the lake or whatever and he recognized us and he came over and he was like hey what's going on i was like is this your boat and it was like this long red cock of a boat with two huge engines on the back like i don't i don't know boat cool as fuck i don't but these engines on the back were enormous and this boat sat two so my friend has to sit in the floor

we get in this motherfucker and i'm like how fast will it go what's his name um fucking calvin i'm like how fast will it fucking go calvin he's like speed i'm gonna go to 110 i'm like i'm like but how fast will it go he's like well the thing about going fast on the water i'm like just tell me calvin he's like he's 50 on the water feels like 100 on land we don't want to go and i'm like let's let's do 85 then he fucking pushes that fucking accelerator forward and the front of this boat goes up so high we can't see where we're going we we found a good straight part of the lake and he just gives it the power and the front goes up and the wind is just whipping around us and i'm looking over his dash and he gets it up to fucking 85 miles per hour on a lake it was a

terrifying amount of speed to be at on the water like 85 in a car like you could do that accidentally 85 on the fucking lake you feel like you're in a rocket ship and at any moment it might just fly apart like an early nasa launch i went 70 something uh in the ocean though and it was where the ocean meets the bay the inlet and if people don't know the the water's coming from different directions and you get all these like unpredictable waves that pop up out of nowhere and we were going 70 something like low 773 over that shit and this boat is jumping in the air. Acacia's jumping in the air, like nose up. And then it lands and goes like that.

And it was just like, I didn't think it was, to this day, I don't think the driver was very good. I think that he just had a budget for a badass boat and gave it too much throttle in rough water and it was dangerous and and the seats they weren't seats you just stood there they were standing armrests because you can't sit and you're going 73 you get like spinal damage if you sat on this boat so they were just like standing arm right it was incredible yeah it was i thought it was really cool at the time i look back it was terrible it it's so much fun to go that fast on the water it really was i can't imagine i shouldn't own a toy like that like i could feel i could kill

myself on a toy like that so realistically if i wanted a boat i would want like a boat that like i don't know boat links well i think that boat I had was like 30-something feet. But I would want probably about a 30-foot bass type boat that still goes real fast so that you could have people in the front. There's that area in the front that people can chill out in and sit around on. But there's also the cockpit area back here, and you can kind of walk around the boat. But I still want it to go real fast. I want sort of a a p diddy style shrimping vessel so i gave you a picture that's not my boat but it's so similar it could be like i as a matter of fact it could be my boat and i wouldn't know that that's basically

what we have it's an 18 foot ski boat yeah yeah that looks nice yeah it's apparently not it's in the shop right now but uh but that's that's the style of boat that you'd want for what we're doing yeah yeah i'd like to be able to fish off of it um i enjoy fishing um i i don't do a lot of it ever but if i had a boat i think i would uh and i like the idea of towing some ladies behind me maybe on some skis or a float or something yeah the big rafts go tubing tubing is the best. Dude, tubing is... I guess I thought in my head tubing was a little lame because it doesn't take any talent or athletic ability.

But if it's about fun, tubing is hard to beat. Have you seen the new ones that literally fly? Yes, on the internet, never in real life. On the internet here too. I haven't seen one. But they fucking fly. What is the risk here what happens if you hit the water from 30 feet in the air at 40 some miles an hour i don't even

know is it fun or is it is it like hilarious and entertaining or horrible and tragic what happens if you fall off a flying float i'm leaning leaning much more close to horrible and tragic than I am hilarious and entertaining because I'm with you. First of all, I've come off of a tube before, just a regular inner tube. It's impossible for me to say how fast we were going, but I was skipping. It was going fast. It felt fast to me. Let's say 30. Maybe not.

Yeah, yeah. 30 easy. It was the boats going fast, and I'm back there skipping along on this thing. When I came loose, I skipped a little before I actually broke the water's surface. Now, put me 15 feet in the fucking air and add another 10 miles per hour, and I feel like I could eat shit and break my neck. You really could. The game we used to play on Lake of the Ozarks,

which is where people around here in the Midwest go to tubing and shit, is we used to have a game where we had a big tube, like a really, really big one. It was a three-person tube. And so two of us would get on there and each have like one arm grabbing and then the whole ride was trying to knock the other person off of the tube oh that sounds fun it was a blast especially when you're the biggest i was gonna say taylor's gonna beat everybody it was great like my friends or younger brother would be on there. They like slap me and it's like, ah.

And then I just grab their wrist and remove it. And then they just, it's like, oh, Taylor wins again. It's like a man against a woman or a child. I can't help but get that, but get that, uh, lasophobia, you know, the fear of the murky deep when you come off the raft and you're sitting there floating with your life jacket out in that murky water waiting on the boat to come back and get you. And it's just you there. And you start getting these images of like, what if something bit my foot right now? Like, what if some, like, even if like a catfish just nipped me a little, I would be filled with so much terror.

And then, of course, my mind starts going to like, you've seen alligator gar in here. Like they're not the kind of thing that would eat a person, but they're the kind of thing that would bite a person and mutilate their leg a little bit. And it'd be, it'd be fucked up. We'll take a couple of toes off.

They had these long snouts full of sharp teeth. Kind of like it's, it's Google alligator gar. Yeah. And, and then you start thinking, they found a piranha in this lake a few years ago. An actual

fucking Amazonian piranha that someone must have just thrown in the fucking lake. And if they found one, then there's more. They didn't find the only piranha in Lake Hartwell, okay? The lake is miles and miles and miles.

Lake Hartwell? That's where we're going. Oh, it's a big lake. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. Good fun.

The time I remember the most. There's piranha in there. I remember being spooked was in the Lake of the Ozarks once I got knocked off and I fell off the tube. And you know, you just wait there and you bob up and down and you wait for people to circle around. And I felt, I still remember the feeling. Like it spooked me so much. wait there and you bob up and down and you wait for people to circle around and i felt i still remember the feeling like it spooked me so much like i felt on the whole bottom of my foot not

just part like my whole bottom my foot i felt suction i felt something touch the whole bottom of my foot and like like grab a little bit and i shook around and like in the water waiting just being like come back come back i'm afraid now and i and it didn't come back but that was it and i don't think i tubed anymore that day that scared the absolute shit out of me because i got in and i was like something grabbed my foot like something like sucked up against the bottom of my foot they're like taylor you're being a retard. There's nothing that's going to do that in here. No, something did, though.

Something did, though. Something did. Yeah. It could be scary out there. So I've got wildlife ones like that, right? I used to go surfing by the pier. The pier impacts the way the waves come in, so it's a good place to go surfing. But it's a fishing pier.

So they'd be pulling the sharks out of the water. but the fishing pier is like 20 feet in the air and they fall back in now you just saw a shark here with you like a hundred feet away and it starts spinning through your head like yeah i'm on the board my feet are hanging down they all tell you you look like a seal and you know to a shark from the bottom and i'm like i'm looking like a seal. These sharks don't eat seal. I'm in New Jersey. But that kind of thing. But the worst ever, I had a jet ski growing up.

But hang on a minute. Let me dispute that little point you just made. It's not like the shark's going to be like, look, a seal. No, Larry. We're in Jersey. They may have never seen a seal before was where i was headed with that like because they're like they haven't also been to california but uh um so i'm jet skiing in the bay and there's a nuclear nuclear power plant here and the the cooling

station is discharging the hot water into the bay that's what it did and uh people in jersey probably know exactly where it is like by marmora anyway i fall off my jet ski and the water is hot it's like a bathtub where you only turned on the hot and i'm like like like what's gonna happen to me the jet ski zoom and then it starts making a circle, like, 70 feet from me. And I'm like, fuck! Like, this is a major problem. And, you know, like, I don't catch it on the first circle, and I'm just, like, burning. And, like, the air has, like, less oxygen here.

There's no fish. You're fine. There's no living fish in this part of the water. For good reason. Yeah. And then on the second turn, I get on the jet ski, and I hit, they were still running, doing these laps, and I caught it and left.

But that was the most frightened I've been in the water, in the burning nuclear water. We were in Jekyll Island, and it's flat there. Like, you can, you start walking out into the ocean, and you just seemingly keep walking it just seemingly and like it's waist deep for 200 yards and then it's chest deep for like another 200 and after a while you're so far out that like yeah i see the people and we're out there hunting for conch shells. Are you familiar with these? These, the big seashells. Yeah.

Like, and the only way to find it was to step on them and, and, you know, gingerly sort of stepping. But every now and then one would poke you and you'd know for sure that your foot was bleeding. And so there we are in this nipple deep,

murky fucking water. Way out there. Way out there. Like easily 300 yards easily, maybe four easily maybe four and and and my buddy and i it occurs to us that like we're in the murky water so murky that a handful of it you can't see it's nasty it looks like lake water we're in this murky fucking water and i want to say there's a forest fire that week so it was even worse our feet are bleeding and we've got armfuls of shellfish we're we're like a seafood dinner out here we gotta go back we gotta go back

yeah those shells stuck so much we put them in a garbage bag and drove them all the way back to fucking northeast georgia and i just remember opening the bag when i got home and be oh god oh god no i just i left them out in the garden for like months until the conch had rotted out of them i wonder where they are when i was a lifeguard i used to love to do this it was like an adrenaline sort of thrill that i just swim out like um gattaca almost i just swim out and every so often i'd have someone with me who also liked doing this and that would give me like an extra shot of courage because i wasn't so alone like like you know whatever would get me wouldn't get me with a friend and uh we go out so far out like first you can't see the beach and the people then you can't see the dunes and then you can't

see the telephone poles or even the hotels. And we're just out. And now you're surrounded by nothing but water in every direction. And I'm telling you, if you were to swim with no bearing, you can go off by like 90 degrees in 100 feet. Like you could screw that up. So we'd head back and we'd play the like, do you recognize this beach type game We'd be like oh fuck

We're four blocks away We'd swim back We always came back where we meant to But sometimes it wasn't a very straight line You need a compass on your wrist huh Yeah dude I got suspended As a lifeguard They were allowed to go swimming

There was a workout hour in the morning and the night. And I guess I did the air bud rules where like, hey, we're allowed to go swimming. You didn't say we couldn't go swimming way past sight of anyone who might need help. And dumbass teenage Woody did that. That sounds terrifying. Yeah. I loved

it. I loved it. Call it a wrap? Yeah. Are there any outros? I don't think so, but just to be 100% sure, I can scroll up right here. Man, I'm excited for the Game of Thrones now. I had no idea it was this Sunday. Saturday, decent UFC. Sunday, Game of Thrones.

Yeah, it is a decent UFC. I'm looking forward to the new games. And playoff hockey so much. What did you say? And playoff hockey. The Canes lost during the new New Year's card, though. What'd you say? In playoff hockey? The Canes lost during the show. They lost 4-2. I don't know if it was an empty net or... One game.

One game of the series. Oh, and One Punch Man is back. Yeah! We didn't touch on that, but One Punch Man is back. I watched it again recently. I caught up. I tried to show it to somebody the other day. They hated it. I tried to show it to Colin. He wasn't a fan. I didn't realize how screamy it was To set a volume in our living room

Where you can hear all the talking During the fight scenes Is just blaring music With epilepsy flashing lights Did you find an English audio version? Yeah Where? I asked my friend to find it for me And he put it on his secret server Audio version? Yeah. Where?

I asked my friend to find it for me, and he put it on his secret server. That's literally how I did it. I sent him a text message. I understand. I understand. Okay. I don't mind reading the subtitles, but it's hard to introduce someone to it, to Japanese anime in Japanese, when they've never watched any of it. I promise you'll like the story. It's goofy as hell. He kills everything with one punch

and he's incredibly depressed and life has no meaning. It's good. You'll like it. And they're like, I guess. And then they're like, Arigatou Saitama. And they're like, ah, the fuck? Yeah, I agree. Colin, he didn't even make it through the season. After two or three, I felt like he had given it a good shot. I didn't even make it through this season after two or three

I felt like he had given it a good shot I didn't push it same that's what happened to me we made it to about two

and then I forced a third one and that was it yeah alright so I guess that's a wrap check out Harley's stuff links in the description

PKA yeah big thanks to Harley yeah 434