Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #436

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

On this week's PKA, there's no guest but that's okay because Taylor & Kyle go off with their improv skills when Taylor gets into character as a very special kind of religious pastor, the guys go into great detail about this week's Game of Thrones and talk about their guesses on who will die next week in the Battle of Winterfell and then the guys each go around the table and talk about some of their regrets, things they did or said on the show that they wish they could take back.

Thank you already. Episode 436. Kyle? A few sponsors tonight. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, Robin Hood, Smart Mouth, and Turo. Turo is a peer-to-peer car sharing marketplace where you can book any car you want, wherever you want, from a community of local hosts. From exotic sports cars to practical daily drivers, you can choose the best car for you, whatever your budget. Download the Turo app, that's T-U-R-O, on the App Store or Google Play or just visit Turo.com. You can get $25 off your first trip when you sign up for Turo and use promo code PAINKILLER at checkout.

Terms apply. We're sponsored by the National Traffic Safety Service? Highway Safety? Drive safe, boys. Drive safe. Yeah. Wait, say what it is again? God damn it, I gotta read it. It's the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. The NHTSA.

I used to quote... Taylor, you don't know the NHTSA? I actually do know the NHTSA. When I used to do my BS spiel when I would sell cars, I would reference them regularly. This is NHTSA blah blah blah blah blue.

You know, when I was talking about 35 mile per hour side impact. NHTSA? That's not official, honey. This guy knows the shit. That's just so funny. That caught me off guard. You were like, once you buy the National Traffic Safety Administration, National Highway

Safety Administration. Let's not mock our new sponsor. No, no, no. It seems so official. I feel like an adult. Right. NPR is going to be sponsoring us. I'm not mocking them either. The Department of Transportation is going to be up next.

It's just I'm a little used to Bluetooth. That's all. Yeah, right? PGA is brought to you by the CIA. Definitely not doing crazy shit all over the world. Don't be distracted. We hate supplanting governments in foreign nations. And we need you to know.

Forget all about that thing where George Bush's father used to run the CIA, Osama bin Laden was employed by the CIA, and 9-11 was a fake incident. Brought to you by the NSA. We'll now thank all of our listeners alphabetically. Thank you, Aaron Aronson from Montpelier.

647 Weathervane Street. It has a best bestiality fetish. Keep it up, buddy. I was just going to go there, too. This close, you beat me to it. Game of Thrones talk? I would love to get yeah there's a lot of great content i've been waiting for this month in particular this this part of this month has been hard scoped for quite some time i i liked the episode a lot and it's it's interesting to me

because this is the kind of episode i normally don't like right like it i would say the plot wasn't advanced a ton right it was really just setting the table for the following episode but man did i like it anyway like there was great character development and a lot of like like relationships were like you got those characters that meet again after being away for so long like aria and the hound and like to see how each of them has changed he's not as as scary and evil as he once was and she has become this he even says he's like you're a cold bitch aren't you like dude i didn't catch it on watching it live but like you know you go to reddit and the internet and they like fill you in on like this is a line he used from season three episode four where he said like

you're i mean i'm gonna mess it too kind you're too kind you're you're as you might have called her gentle or probably you're too tight and uh he's like that'll get you killed and then this time he's like you're a stone-hearted bitch uh it's probably why you're still alive the second half of that i got right yeah i like that i like that a lot podrick fucking came in like an all-star. What could Podrick not do? I always liked Podrick. He's a champion. I liked him as soon as he fucked those whores. Podrick can

lay down some dick. He can put wine away. He can fight like a champion now. He's clearly been training for eight years now. He's out there, outside the gates of Winterfell, just ting, ting, tong, tong, tong. Not even close. Not even close.

I think everyone remembers Podrick, but back in season one or two, probably two or three, they set him up with these whores, I forget why, and he was so wonderful, they refused payment. As a reward for saving Tyrion at the Battle of Blackwater. Oh, well, thank you.

And that's just added to his legend. So now that he's like a badass. And then Gendry? Gendry, I'm going for. Gendry. Gendry. He's actually, I feel like you guys said he had no muscle definition for a blacksmith. I thought he was pretty built.

No? Yeah, he's in good shape. I just wish he was rippling. You know what I mean? Was he bigger before? No. I just think his character should be. You know how they have full body routines for all the characters?

They should have made him do one where half of it is just right arm curls. Get a lot of off balance going because that's what blacksmith looked like probably in my brain i like gentry as a character i like the actor but if i had in a perfect world i wish that he was like scary ripped because not only is he robert baratheon's son who was a giant in his own right an incredible physical specimen in his time obviously he'd gotten fat and gone downhill with his whoring and drinking by the time we saw him. But we hear about the Warhammer crushing Aegon's chest plate and the rubies flying everywhere.

And, you know, some young highborn lad come running at me. Thought he could end the war with a swing of a sword. I crushed him like a bug. You know, all that crazy hardcore shit. Gods, it was a good day. Gods, it was of a sword. I crushed him like a buck. You know, all that crazy, hardcore shit. God, it was a good day. God, it was a good day. And then, you know, Gendry's not only from that bloodline,

but he's also a blacksmith, a very physically... And he should be taller. He should be taller, if we're being honest. Sansa's character is hilarious for me in that her walking around at like a 5'9 woman

really reveals how short actors are. I think she might be taller. is hilarious for me in that her walking around at like a 5'9 woman really reveals how short actors are. I think she might be taller. Let me figure out. 5'9 is pretty tall for a woman. She looks fucking 5'11. How tall is Sansa? But I think

the surrounding cast, like Theon's not very tall. Jon Snow is very short. They even poked fun at it or denaris did at least because she's used to like that call drogo walking into the ball feeling tainty but she couldn't do that with john it wasn't obvious that she was going to be that tall in season one am i right or wrong you're right you know she had puberty like and you're in taylor's almost exactly correct she's like five eight and three quarters. So, yeah.

Okay, yeah, yeah. A lot of short fellas. There's, like, that cast has grown up in front of us. Oh, my God. Which is, like, the big storyline this time. For people, look, we're about to spoil the heck out of last week's Game of Thrones. Last season, episode two. So, Arya, what's her name?

The little star. Arya. Arya. I was going to get it right all right so aria decide she's with the hound and the brotherhood of banners guy what's his name do you guys know with the ipads uh oh uh thorin or something like thoros start with a b no no thorin thoros of was the the fire priest oh he died and uh. And Beric Dondarrion. That's the name of the lightning guy. That's what I'm going for. So she's with them,

and she's like, and everyone's accepted that they're going to die. This whole episode is just filled with people who don't think they're going to win, which is amazing to me. As the way it developed.

And she's like, I'm not going to spend my last night alive with you two sour cunts or whatever. And then she goes and fucks Gendry. And everyone's talking about it. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I was surprised when it happened. But like

you know, she's 22 years old in real life and the character is 18 years old in the show. It's like you know, what's the big deal? Like I know she looks she looks kind of young. Like she has a young face I suppose. But it wasn't even that explicit. I know she looks kind of young. She has a young face, I suppose. But it wasn't even that explicit. We saw a little bit of top-ass cleavage and some side boob.

Yep. Like a possibly CGI'd nipple. What's the final decision on the nipple? Was it a pasty CGI or all natural? There's no way to know. There's no way to know because the titties that we know for sure have been CGI, we only knew because it got leaked that they were CGI. Like when Lena Headey did her walk of shame, I was like, damn, she looks good.

And then I was like, wait a minute, I've seen 300. Those are not her titties. Not only did they give her fake titties, they gave her better titties. Did she have a whole body double? Or do I misremember that? She was pregnant at the time, wasn't she?

Sure, good. Pregnant or just had a baby. I think it might be the latter, but I'm not sure. And I want to say there was a scene back with the Sand Snakes when they're in the prison cell with Bron. And Bron is having that. He's in his cell and they're in theirs. And the chick shows those perfect fucking titties and i've i've from what i understand those were

also cgi titties which is a damn shame you know this is this is not fair to women that they're now setting the expectation for men for perfect cgi tits and i haven't heard nearly enough from my feminist sisters condemning this yes we want those four saggy breastfeeding titties out there. Think back in the day, back in olden days. They didn't have underwire. Nod upon. What brings saggy titties? I don't even know.

The breast milk inflates them and then it goes out. And it's just like when a fat person loses weight, there's extra skin. And it's the same with a lifetime. Will big boobs sag more? That's a thing. Smokers? Smoking makes your skin age like that? Something to do with constricting blood vessels. Big boobs do sag more. That was Newton's third law of tits.

Yep. Does breastfeeding do it normally? I don't know. No, it's just what Kyle said, where the breasts get bigger because they're holding milk, then you don't need milk anymore after you finish breastfeeding,

and they sag more. But a lot of it also is whether or not you go through a lifetime of holding them up with bras, because women have lots of kids here, and they breastfeed, but they wear bras every day, and their tits aren't nearly as saggy as the cover of National Geographic. Woo! where there's you know because they're living their

whole life with no support at all and so it's just a constant battle against gravity and they also have way more children and so that the number of children might actually be more the reason than the you would think that those like african guys balls would just be just down in the brush you know from from no support no support in their underwear. No meandering. Holding those coconuts up. Yeah, that... I don't want that to happen. I don't want to get old man balls. Breastfeeding is a cause.

So is gaining weight during pregnancy. According to this website. That makes sense. Gaining weight anytime can make your tits saggier. Dual threat. So yeah. I really enjoyed a lot of the

literal fireside chats that our favorite characters had in the show. You know, when I saw them convening around that fire and slowly the group grew with, you know, our favorite characters, really. Some of them at this point, all of our less favorite, I mean, there's so many people who have died

at this point. There aren't too many cunts left around. Favorite, not favorite, all have died. Yeah, and the Giants Bane guy tells that hilarious story. So wonderful, yeah. He tells that hilarious story, and he's looking at the big woman like this is really gonna

get her wet. Yeah, like this, when she finds out how much boob, giant boob sucking I've done I don't know that she'll be able to resist me it's his thought process this is such a hardcore manly story this is gonna get her her armor is

gonna be rusty tomorrow oh man I hope that they get together everyone does if they do he's gonna rape her that they do, he's going to rape her. That's the way it's going to happen. It could go either way. You're responding to my advances. She's like, please stop.

Stop. And he's like, oh, you know what gets me going? If they put them together, then I'm psyched about that. If they don't and Game of Thrones denies me what I want, I'm kind of psyched about that. I look forward to where this is going. This is such a little thing, though. I want them to give it to us. Actually, I don't know if I really want them to give it to us because I feel like Kyle made this point last week that

it's almost transitioning into a cloud or crowd-pleasing thing where they're starting to give you more of what you want and there's the plot devices that are kind of working around things. I want them to start not giving us what we want anymore. Dude, did you see that chart on living versus dead?

Like the tiers on how likely they are to survive the next episode? Yeah, I did. Do you have that in front of you? No. Oh, if not, no big deal. I know what you're talking about. I wish I could get it. Man, I should have bookmarked it, silly me.

I liked Sansa's costume in this episode. She had like this leather um it looked a little bit like that thing the unsullied wear this this whole leather thing with like uh shoulder pads and stuff it was pretty fucking cool um they do a great job with the costume in that show and i think that's something that gets overlooked with like film and television shows especially those that are set in the period pieces is what i'm looking for and you know this isn't necessarily a period piece it's a it's a magical sort of make-believe world but essentially it's medieval times and uh and and to get that looking right the if the armor looks cheap or if like the dresses that the ladies

were wearing at like the wedding looked like some sundress that they got off some altered prom dress from a thrift store like it'd really take you out of it that you know that's one of the things that made game of lord of the rings so great was definitely the wardrobe because there's no point during game of thrones or lord of the rings for that matter where you're taken out of the story by being like oh oh that guy's armor looks like he got it at dollar general no it looks fucking legit it looks heavy it looks real it looks weathered and rusted in some instances it looks great and uh but yeah this was a good episode i really dug it um they're here now there's no getting around that next episode is going to be a big fucking battle um we're going to see what

early on too i do not expect it to be the last six minutes of the next episode i don't expect to be like the longest battle scene ever or something or is that some other scene later in this we don't i don't know and i don't want to know but but but a battle is happening next episode so i'm jazzed about that i don't i don't want it to be all battles i didn't need six episode of battles but i expect a battle you know we've been coming to a head here for eight years there's gonna be some fighting at the end of this right like the night in the opening 10 minutes for at least to see the enemy you know like look you've done it you set the table you set the table so well you spent an entire hour

just getting into the character development and how they're feeling a night before the battle you can't set the table for another 40 minutes in the opening 10 minutes shit needs to happen yeah i'm looking i'm looking for it uh i hope that there's oh that tyrian or someone like that they sort of set the set set things up for tyrian to have a bright idea you know she's she's talked about how foolish he's been and the stupid mistakes he's made i'm hoping that someone has a secret plan kind of like tyrian had at blackwater bay to deal with the the army at least to some extent i don't know if you noticed but on the i don't know what you call them but on the on the castle walls on the top there's like space and then a brick and then space on the bannermen that yeah they have dragon glass like plastered in all

over that like facing out i thought that was kind of cool um and and obviously everybody has has dragon glass weapons i want to know what Arya's secret weapon is that she had Gendry make for her. Didn't we see it? It was a type of staff, and she said this will do it. Yeah, but we don't know what it does. Oh, okay, okay. There was something mechanical going on in her little artwork there. It looks like a spear

that automatically spring-loads jabs. Like a harpoon kind of thing, or like one of those things you shoot into sharks. I saw a cartoon animation on Reddit where they were like, I hope this is what Arya's weapon does. And she throws it at the Night King

and he catches it. And then it goes, cha-cha! And comes through and stabs him in the face. It spring-loads. That would be the lamest, gimmicky end to this show. Give it to me! Give it to me! To the whole Game of Thrones, you accept that, Kyle? Yeah, through all of Game of Thrones and then it has a Honey, I Shrunk the Kid

style ending. Dude, it's that scene from the first Avengers where Loki catches the arrow and then it blows up anyway. Exactly that. Exactly that. Oh, was it exactly that? Like, the meme you saw, did it reference that scene? Basically, he catches it and

then it like jabs out like it's like the tip of it is spring-loaded so that it'll like extend out on like a spring-loaded type mechanism uh that's what they sort of depicted yeah that's that's happened a few times in sort of pop culture that's how uh that's that when um i think a green arrow or whatever i wasn't green maybe uh shot shot Superman with the kryptonite arrow. He catches it and then it goes in like kryptonites his ass. I'm so happy that we're all so excited about game of Thrones, right? Cause there's been a couple of years where two episodes in three episodes in

the talk of the town is like, fuck, is this going to get going? Nah, last season was better. That's a thing we've been hearing a lot. You know, they're not... Now that...

I want to say somewhere around season five-ish, though, now that they've diverted from the books, things suck. Now that they've done this, at like five, six, seven, they're always complaining. Yeah, that Sand Snake shit and all that Dorne stuff,

it was a real, like, sad time for me where I would finish an episode and be like, well, fuck. Yeah. This is the sweet stuff. I don't care about the Sand Snakes. If they need like 40 more minutes or an hour more

to explain the little intricacies of the ending of this show, the blame lies at the feet of the Sand Snakes. Fuck that storyline. It was so goddamn boring. I even like, as I was like watching it through with my girlfriend, like catching her up a couple months ago, I even told her going into it, I even like as I was like watching it through with my girlfriend like catching her

up a couple months ago I even told her going into it I'm like yeah this is the storyline they just like shoehorned in there for no reason it's not very good and within 15 minutes of her listening to that or watching it with me she's like yeah this is boring this is stupid like dude can we talk about this go back to Aria yeah sure

um alright viewers I need to get on screen somehow so you got all the characters and you got them in a tiered death setting death pool you got very safe probably safe in danger and fucked on gray worm they just say laugh my ass off so dead i disagree with that surviving i i'll take a bet on that one i guarantee that guy lives yeah there was some compelling like what did they say every time like the black guy leaves the hood and starts planning his future they kill him that's like a movie trope so he's there with uh what is his girl's name the one who speaks all the languages masandra or masandi no no you're

right yes sandy yeah so they're there talking about their future, how he's going to protect her and stuff, and that is just death for his character, it would seem. I disagree with this chart. I feel like characters like the very safe, I could totally see Jamie completing his entire villain-to to hero arc by giving his life to save bran even like like like i could totally see that happening happening um i

could see john snow possibly dying um and uh and characters like like sansa or aria totally could see either one of them dying it could happen or. Jaime or Tyrion are supposed to kill Cersei, according to that season three witch chick who told the future the prophecy. It's going to be Jaime. Now, it's possible that one dies and kills her as a wight. A wight, yeah. Yeah, that's an interesting thought.

It really is. I don't think the Hound is that safe either. Yeah, I don't think he is either oh i wanted to go backtrack a little bit jorah getting that sword from sam was big for me that was that was great that was so great because jorah gave his sword to john last uh last season like here you know you get or maybe a season four is like you gotta have one of these badass motherfucking crazy swords and he's like oh yes it's just nice yes thank you for giving that back to me and and and i was just like damn that is a huge gift that he's given him and then here comes old fat sam who hasn't lost weight in

the last eight years come out yeah look we've got a feud shortage again. How did you walk from, is it Old Town, Old City, wherever he came from, the Citadel, all the way to Winterfell and not lose weight? Sam, you're literally the only man in the world who's morbidly obese. The only one. You're a marvel. This is nine Appalachian hikes.

What's your secret? Certainly not sneaking into the kitchen after hours. Certainly not that. I don't need the baby. What baby? You know, Sam, I haven't seen little Sam in quite a while. Where is he? I don't know.

It's not that. It's Gilly and I are into food play. Dude, I'm looking at... He puts entire seven course meals on me till I feel smothered. And we don't even fuck afterward. You just have to look at my weird, ugly face. Sansa and the Hound should be switched.

Perhaps. It's hard to say. Maybe. Yeah, yeah. Sansa will stay alive for a while. These fucking writers... In season one, you never would have thought that...

Who was the mother Stark? Catherine? You, Catelyn. Clin catlin you'd never have bet that catlin was gonna die if you didn't know game of thrones like like even knowing game of thrones that's not the character you think is gonna get their throat slit dude lady stoneheart comes maybe right like is she able to resist the white thing and you it's just been so long. It would come so far out of left field. If it's like, oh, suddenly Lady Stoneheart is back.

Again, we're doing spoilers here. For people who didn't read the book, Catelyn gets her throat slit in The Red Wedding, just like happens in the TV shows. But in the books, she comes back. I think she can't talk because of the knife damage. And she's undead.

But she's a different person. She's no longer so kind. Now she's on a mission to get revenge for her kids? Maybe? Does that sound right? Yeah, she's out to kill every... She's killing the fucking... Who are the people that betrayed them at the Red Wedding? The Freys? The Freys. She's killing Frey... Who were the people that betrayed them at the Red Way? The Freys.

She's killing Frey kids and shit like that. Yeah. So she comes back as an undead vigilante. Yeah. I just... Look, it'd be fun to see. I'd love to see her amongst the whites. And you're like, what?

And then she starts killing whites or something. I don't know. It'd take them so long to set that up. they decided two two or three years ago that wasn't gonna happen it's a shame because i was expecting i think that's what i'm doing i'm wish casting not predicting yeah i'm trying to think what else happened this episode that i thought was great oh i mean obviously brienne getting knighted that was that was a cool scene that was a really good scene that was one of my favorite of the episode i I liked that. They all nailed it because I cared. I didn't think I cared about Brienne very much.

You know, like she never worked her way into my heart. But suddenly seeing her get knighted. Whoa, that was heavy. She's all teary eyed and incredibly happy. She's a great actress. She did a really good job at like selling that. That this is like the greatest achievement of her life. It's her life's dream to be this thing but everyone's told her that that you know it was it was rosa

parks up on the front of that bus just heading to the grocery store having said that if you're still looking at the thing it's hard to read on on the screen but under brianne's picture where it says fucked character arc complete yeah dude know, what else do you need? Oh, wait, she still has to fuck that red-headed dude. Maybe. What's his name? Well, she's going to get killed being valiant as a knight in the battle.

And Tormund is going to survive. And he'll come upon her and be sad. Then he'll be like, Still warm. And then he's going to fuck her. And it's going to be, people are going to call it, the most upsetting scene in Game of Thrones. Did Game of Thrones go too far with Tormund Giantsbane

raping a naked Brienne of Tarth in front of everyone? How old was Sansa when she got raped by her husband? Was she 17 in the show, you think? Correct. Uh-huh. Well, they're in the UK, so that's fine. That's right. I guess.

Is that where they are? Except for the rape bar. Yeah, except for the rape bar. That's really the troublesome part. Ah, you heard it here. Taylor says it's okay to rape 17-year-olds as long as you're in the UK. Well, we have to have some standards. Those international waters.

I also... I think the Onion Knight's gonna survive this. This battle. So I like him. I really like Sir Davos. He's been a good guy the whole way through. Very loyal and smart. He would have been much before this.

Yeah. I dug him. I like the way he talks. I like the way he talks too. So I don't know what the term for that kind of speaking is. Like clipped, I think. But yeah, I like him. I like the way he talks. I like the way he talks, too. So I don't know what the term for that kind of speaking is. Like clipped, I think. But yeah, I like him. He's good.

Sam, if he comes up with one more clever science thing for John to make cool, just kill him. I don't care. Kill Gilly, too. I don't fucking care. Give that baby to Cersei and she'll get distracted by it. I need Sam to come up with some sort of a dragonglass denture situation for the wolf.

I need him to get some dragonglass. I need Jon to be on the wall like, where have you been, Sam? Been working on your wolf. Tyrion could do that. And the wolf goes, and it's all blasted.

What the fuck have you done? Tyrion made that that. And the wolf goes, and it's all blasted by the dragon teeth. What the fuck have you done? Tyrion made that saddle for Bran. He hates it. I think Varys, you could bump Varys up from probably safe to very safe. What? Isn't he in the crypt? He is, and the crypt thing was so obvious

where they must have said five different times that they're like, we'll go down to the crypt and was so obvious where they they must have said five different times so they're like we'll go down to the crypt and you'll be entirely safe there's no reason there's nothing in the crypt that could get you with an army of the dead that rises the dead up you go stay in the place with all the dead there's no way for them to get you it's totally safe and i'm somewhat another character in a totally different situation four minutes from now in screen time gonna say the same thing that's how you know and like that and like it's so obvious something's gonna go wrong in the crypt ned stark's bones are gonna assemble themselves together and fucking come crawling out of one of those crypts it's it's

gonna be a real dude if they actually had like sean bean does that sound right? Well, if you remember, it's just bones. They burned him and they just sent his bones back. You're right. It would be Sean CGI Bean. It would be a Skeletor. Yeah, yeah. But Rickon, he's not that dead. Rickon could come back.

Sure, he's only been dead what feels like a week or something like that. If he is dead and he comes walking up as a white, I'm not going to care. I'm not going to be like, oh my god, it's Rickon. You're not wrapped around the Rickon plotline, the story arc?

Rickon could have tripped and cracked his head open in episode one that i saw him and i wouldn't care you should have ran serpentine i still maintain that yes actually with a bow and arrow that will work a lot better right i feel like with a bow and arrow once you get a little distance you could intelligently run away from it not random he was fucked when ramsey took out that bow with like those curve things on the top and bottom because that's the same kind of bow and arrow that lerts

used in lord of the rings to kill boromir yeah it's scary like it was like some sort of a compound bow it wasn't even recurved it was weird it had like these extra like bendy panels on top it's it's a bow that I'm not familiar with. A Hollywood bow. I don't know if that bow ever existed at any point ever. That's why I called it a Hollywood bow. Yeah, they just made it look cool. It's basically like, well, you just put blades on the front.

Yeah, that was a ridiculous sort of recurve compound bow type thing. It may have existed. I don't remember. I may have done some research on this and forgotten it but it was a bizarre looking bow um yeah i knew he was he was dead at that point who's the character that would shock you if they died in this upcoming episode man if john snow died in the next episode yeah like if john dies in the next episode or if denaris dies in the next episode or if Daenerys dies in the next episode or Tyrion, any of the three

potential Targaryen kids, I would be shocked if one of them dies before the old... Or maybe... I guess they can't all fly a dragon now because one of them...

They gotta win this battle though. So here's my thought process. Like the way I see it, either they win the battle or they lose the battle. Those are the two outcomes that are possible. Now how do you figure?

Just stick with me here. Stick with me here. Now, I think they win the battle because if they lose the battle, then either every single one of these characters dies or only like three or four of them live because the only way that anyone could escape the battle would be flying away in a dragon.

So you can only save as many of those characters that we're looking at here as can fit on two dragons if they're going to lose. Alternative theory. This comes from the internet. I'm not that clever. They send a minimal force to Winterfell.

Winterfell wins. They send a bigger force to Old Town, Old City, whatever the citadel is. Old Town, which is, I learned, the second most populated city in our little Game of Thrones universe. And then they get a much larger army to take out Circe.

Huh. I didn't know Old Town was that big. It's on the internet, Taylor. No, okay. I think he's flying around. He's going to pop at King's Landing. I think he's flying around. He's gonna pop at King's Landing. I think he's gonna zap everybody there. I mean, he was at the fight, though. He's at Winterfell. We saw him. He doesn't have to stay at Winterfell.

He has a dragon. And they've unlocked fast travel last year. Oh, shit. They'd be like, there's the Night King! And the next scene, they're like, there's the Night King! There's gonna be some weird turnstile-looking thing that he hits and fast travels like all the games yeah well i just like they've said there's a million people in king's landing for so long it struck me as reminiscent of the you'll be safe in the creeps kind of thing where it's like you tried to hammer that home so much it's indicative is there anyone they hammered home and executed on, though? I feel like that's not very Games of Thrones-y. It might not be. I don't recall

them saying, like, Sansa will never get married twice, twelve times, and, you know. Season one, Sansa will never be raped by that bastard. Say that repeatedly. Ever, ever, ever.

There's no reason to be like, John, you're making me so uncomfortable no I just want you to know I would never let you do it I wouldn't do that to you I would rape you before I would love you you know how they have they like a line from

four years ago and they bring it back as being relevant I kept thinking like Tyrion Lannister yeah Tyrion Lannister. Yeah, Tyrion Lannister. I have it right. He was like, you know, we're not going to have sex on our wedding night.

We're not going to have sex until you're ready to have sex. And I want that to be a callback to this year when Sansa's like, you know what? It is our last night. Fuck it. If anyone brought that callback, it would be Tormund

with Brienne. Where he just decides that he's grown enough as a man, as a wildling to no longer rape for fun. Does he rape for fun? Yeah, they all do. That's my understanding of their culture. Yeah.

Right? They get to rape on all the time. I like how they call them rapers. Is that rapists? For some reason I'm like, oh yeah, that's the way they said it in olden days. Yeah, the rapers. Right? It wasn't until the mid-1800s

that we added the "-ist". It used to just be rapists. Yeah, they would just have sex and bust rhymes. Rapers. I hope Tormund doesn't die. I like Tormund. But he's gonna die because I like him. He's good at killing people. That's why he's alive.

That's true. And he's got a cool scimitar kind of sword. Doesn't he still use that old school sword that he brought from north of the wall? Everybody else getting decked out in cool ass weapons. Dude, I only really pay attention to swords that catch on fire or are made of Valyrian steel. You know what would be funny is if Mormont now goes to Jon,

and he's like, Lord Snow, now that I have a Valyrian steel sword, how about trade Zs? Because technically that is mine. I didn't have to give it to you. I hope he literally says Tradesies. You swoppery. There are no Indian givers in my kingdom.

That's racist. I'll take both of the swords now. Kaleeshi, you stole my sword. When I watched Sam give him that sword. Kaleishi, I'm going to try to fuck you again if you get me my sword back. I've got bigger problems than your goddamn sword, Jorah. Kaleishi, I'm so fucking horny. It's all squiggly down there still.

I was all wrapped up and Sam not really giving, like, hey, I just want to make this clear this is a loan if we're both alive tomorrow you gotta you gotta give it back that's not what he did but that's where my head was like I can't really lift this it might as well be on you for the battle but afterwards

returns yes Sam like honestly how fucking fat he is this far into the series, it literally takes you out of the moment. You know what's more ridiculous? Yeah. I was about to say, like, Lost.

Yeah, that big fat guy from Lost. I never watched Lost, but I saw him on, like, season five of Lost. Hurley aspires to be Sam someday. Yeah. Hurley would need to lose a little bit of weight. Yeah. You know, if I ever get off this island where there's no food i'm gonna get on that weights waste weight watchers program and i'm gonna be

like sam yeah able to walk i mean my own way how many points are in 10 beetles it makes you know it makes no sense and and and it's one of the things that i really appreciate for my actor when they alter their body for a role and and like you know tom hanks and i mean if we're talking about like castaways go to fucking tom hanks at castaway and watch that man go from overweight to diminished and underway christian bale 15 different times in 15 different ways old school robert de niro de niro for sure raging bull yeah raging bull and taxi and oh cape fear 15 different times in 15 different ways. Old school Robert De Niro. De Niro for sure. Raging Bull. Yeah, Raging Bull and Taxi. Oh, Cape Fear.

He got ripped. Fuck. I didn't recognize how scary he was going to be. He took his shirt off and you're like, whoa, he's a real life superhero. Joaquin Phoenix has done it now. We definitely have seen because I don't think you saw the movie, Woody, but it was called, oh shit, were never there or something like that essentially he is trying to save this girl from like mafioso pedophiles or something like that and he's like a fixer um

basically there's this like agency where you go and you're like hey my child has been stolen like a private investigator type situation and he's the guy the private investigator calls when things need to get messy he's like yeah i i think the russians have her he's like how many hard to tell all right well let me go buy a claw hammer and i'll be right there this is literally what happens and he shows up and he just waits outside of this building where they've got like underage prostitutes until like somebody comes out. He gets that guy in the back of a car, beats the dog shit out of him and asks what the door code is. Then he just walks in and you sort of see it from the POV of indoor security cameras as he just walks from man to man and claw hammers them to death. Like he doesn't hit him once like movie movie style, like, ka-ping!

And they fall over unconscious. No. He's, like, eight times in the head on each of them with a big fucking claw hammer. And he goes through, like, he claw hammers a lot. That's very cool. I like that. I'm stuck on the claw part. Wouldn't you want the straighter one, not the claw?

He doesn't use the claw. Well, a claw hammer is just a regular hammer, the way I understand it. A claw hammer has the curved back, and then the other kind is a straight back. But he's just beating him with the hammer. He's using the hammer part. He's not using the hammer. Well then, yeah. I mean, heck,

you might as well use a mini sledge at that point. You can use cooler shit and Ace Hardware than that. You could buy a machete there. It was clear this was his brand though. When he's shopping, he's like, yep, the old number eight claw hammer that's the one for me and he he he's a hulk in that movie like like not cut at all it looks like he just like dirty bulked up about 40 or 50 pounds and got thick and his his back is

just wide and thick and heavy and like like not not ripped at all, not cut, just muscular, just a slab of man, a slab of man. And then we see him in the Joker now that's about to come out and he is emaciated, like rip, like, like a vertebrae or jutting out of his back.

You know, I admire that in my actor. So when Sam has it become at least medium Sam at this point, it's, come on, dude. I bet they're paying you well. You could have done something. They're clearly paying him well. Imagine what his food budget looks like.

Well enough to afford some EPO and whatever drug the UFC fighters cut with. Yeah, yeah. Get some EPO, Sam. I mean, I'm sure he needs some oxygen just getting up the stairs. Yeah, get some EPO, Sam. I mean, I'm sure he needs some oxygen just getting up the stairs. That was unbelievable when he would go on those treks with the night watch, and he's walking around miles and miles,

and it's already a stretch to believe that all of these old men could make these walks who are still fit, but you, you're going to make this walk? Yeah, fucking right. They really should have had him lose 50 or 60 pounds at least it would have been neat if that was part of his character arc like yeah he joins the night watch used hearts bane or whatever the sword was i hear you but like it even if he never became a badass if you just saw the change in him right like if he had joined the u.s army i'm sure he wouldn't get through boot i think if you just saw the change in him right like if he had joined the u.s army i'm sure he

wouldn't get through boot i think if you fail boot camp they like put you in remedial they make you keep doing it maybe need to see him go through that kind of change that that heavy people in boot camp do yeah i think i'm right he didn't and then he never will um he'll probably die an early death because of it uh and and it'll be deserved it'll be deserved um for for messing up our game of thrones experience yes yeah maybe or maybe he was like hey guys i'm gonna lose a lot of weight for the show you know and the show creators were absolutely not in fact we need you to gain some because george george martin's here and he says that you are his muse your character he sees himself in the sam character and he wants you to he wants you to bulk up, if anything else.

Here, have some more pudding. What are you doing, Sam? I'm trying to find something in these old tomes about randomness and my left foot going numb. But the old maesters don't have any advice for it. I get very dizzy when I haven't had my pudding. Sam's wife is Gilly, right? Maester Simmons says to just dance it away. Does Gilly die? Is Gilly going to die next episode? Nah, Gilly right? Mr. Simmons says to just dance it away Does Gilly die?

Is Gilly going to die next episode? Nah Gilly can't die If she did die who would fucking care Who would care that's the thing It's like oh and Gilly died I disagree You gotta kill some people I would love for it to be a bloodbath this weekend

And people like Gilly Can just add to it. Sure, let her die. I don't care about Gilly. She's fine dying. I don't care about Missandei. She can die. I don't care about Grey Worm.

I don't care about Theon. I don't care about... Well, I guess those are the only ones that I strictly don't care about that can die. And so they probably... And Brienne. Brienne's already a knight.

Now she has to get her, you know, Valorous death. And so she can die and so they probably and brienne brienne's already a knight now she has to get her you know valorous death and so she can die too and gendry honestly he got laid and he's just gonna you know be out there mucking up the works because they're trying to figure out an heir yeah i wouldn't be surprised if daenerys had something to do with his death i can't remember the name of it there's a well-known Hollywood trope, which is like they kill the main character's love interest just to motivate the main character. It's something that they accused Deadpool 2 of, which maybe they were guilty of.

And they should do that for Sam. They should kill off his wife, maybe his baby too. He's going to read harder? So hard. He's going to read completely erect with i was so upset when my wife died i invented bifocals i don't know it'd be a thing to see maybe he can act i'm not sure they should have had an ongoing bit throughout the entire show since sam entered where every time he's in the study reading, he's just

munching. I like that. Like, so many snacks, so many chicken legs. And always hiding the food, like, under a scroll or something like that. Oh, Gilly! What are you doing in here? I'm certainly not pretending to read and eat. I wish John had come in and, like, unraveled one of those old scrolls, and there's just

a big breadstick in the middle. Some, when they say unlimited, they don't really mean it. It's like, I know my lord, but I can't leave. Once they start serving them, I can't. And I never touch the salad. I wonder. We all know some. Danny's going to turn villain, according to me.

I wonder if that will start on Sunday. I don't think she's going to turn villain. I think she'll turn shitty for a little bit because she's clearly not enthused about john basically being like hey uh i came around and i see your point of view about how the world is working here but it turns out i actually outrank you now ah shit right and now she's kind of realizing it'd be one thing it'd be one one thing if Jon didn't exist and Sansa was saying this to her because they're both chicks and there's no lesbian marriages,

it would seem, in Game of Thrones. But this scenario is so easily solved with a marriage that I don't think they need her to go villain. Jon can just be like, you want to be the queen, right? Seems that I'm the king. You don't have to do any of that crazy stuff you've been playing this whole time. Let's just get a... What maester do we still have that's alive?

I mean, kings outrank queens, right? You know, Robert outranked Cersei. Oh, yeah, of course. Well, Jon seems like the kind of guy to share a little power. I got myself made a minister online, Jon. We don't want your fat ass ruining our photos. And take that bastard child away. We all know it's father's really it's father.

Take that product of rape out of my sight. Take that incestuous rape baby out of my sight. Man, that's a rough life for that kid. Actually, he's probably going to die, so it'll be okay. Oh, yeah, I'll have the baby dies. Yeah. Oh, that's part of the baby. The mom and babies, they should die one seared sword pierce

through the two of them. Okay. A little red wedding callback. How do you think the crypt is going to go wrong? What are your thoughts? You may have nailed it. It's full of dead bodies, right? I feel like maybe the Night King is like...

It begins with some scratching inside of tombs, and then everyone gets panicked, and the walls start to like... The sarcophaguses start to open up. Sarcophagi. And then there comes Rickon out, doing that dance from Thriller. That's how I see it.

That would ruin the mood. They come out to that song. I would kind of like... But they do it with orchestra music like Game of Thrones already has. Why is he wearing that Michael Jackson red leather jacket? Now we haven't figured out

where they all got white gloves. I'm jazzed, man. We're probably done with Game of Thrones talk, right? I think we got it. I can't believe we're 45 minutes into the show. I didn't realize it went that long. It's big. So I was going to watch Avengers tonight.

And I was telling Taylor this earlier. I don't want it want to get spoiled and i'm not even worried about saying it saying publicly usually when i don't want something to happen to me i don't mention publicly to a few hundred thousand people that i'm afraid of it um but in this case i'm gonna watch it long before anybody sees this and no one has any way of actually contacting me i don't look at social media and i don't look at Reddit during times such as these. I didn't get to watch the Game of Thrones episode until a few hours afterwards.

I was just like, don't open Reddit. Don't open Snapchat. Don't open text messages. None of that. My phone had been blown up. I was just like, I can't look at any of this. I hope nobody died. Like in real life. I was going to go tonight and watch the Avengers. We'll get done here

at like 11pm and then there's a little bit of after show stuff and then I figured I could go to like a 1 o'clock showing but I'm kind of picky about the kind of screen that I watch movies on. I want the biggest best screen and the nicest chairs. If I'm going to go spend

$15 why not spend $ 18 and get a bigger screen and so the big screen near me they have a 3 a.m showing and i was like jesus so i'd go it was a weekday yeah oh yeah i gotta be down at the factory huh i think he's saying why is it so busy some of the other people yeah so so 3 a.m and i was just like shit i guess you know the movie in will end at 601 a.m and i'll get home at like 6 45 a.m and then i do have shit in the afternoon i have like two appointments i gotta keep fuck it i'll do it so i pull up fandango or whatever and and I'm looking at the available seats. There are only two seats available

for the 3am showing of Avengers tonight. Only two. And they're shitty, shitty seats. Down close to the screen and off on the edge. And I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I guess I'll go tomorrow afternoon maybe? Go tomorrow at like 11am.

Nobody's gonna be there. You'll be king in the castle. Or I guess people probably will be there because it's such a big movie. I don't know. Late morning on a Friday, I feel like even on a movie as big as this, you could go and have most of it to yourself. I could check. I could see what's available

there, but I just... This movie is going to be huge. I wonder if it breaks 2 billion. If it gets up there as one of the biggest movies of all time. Has any movie ever broken 2 billion? there but but i just this movie is going to be huge i wonder if it breaks two billion you know if it gets up there as one of the biggest movies of all time someone explained a billion on uh there's the joe rogan set this is what they did now i'm gonna do it with you guys how many like how long is a million seconds like how long like simplify that oh that's difficult.

Take a guess. I know it. So I'll tell you. A million seconds. I'll say 56 years. So that's off target. It's 11 days. 11 days. Damn it.

Yeah. I thought we were going to do prices, right rules. I was going to say one second. All right. So a million seconds is 11 days something. How long do you think a billion seconds is? Oh, it's like hundreds of years or something insane, isn't it? It would be like a thousand times that.

So like 11,000 days. So like 30 years? 34 years? You did great. It's 31 years. Okay. Hell yeah, Kyle. Yeah.

It's 31 years. Hell yeah, Kyle. Yeah. So the difference between 11 days and 31 years was like, when you talk about the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire. That is crazy. Yeah, it's a thousand times more. It's a big deal. You know what's funny is I was looking at memes today,

and you know how people post troll memes where they spoil the entirety of movies yes i came across at least like three of those today that spoiled the entire avengers and i don't give a fuck so i just read the whole thing and who knows if it's like copy pasta nonsense from something else but i think i already know everybody who dies and how it goes. So, but I also, you know, here's what I think is fun. There was like a meme about the end of the Avengers end game being ant man flying into Thanos's butt, going back to full size and just exploding him.

And then that might be the only way to take them out. And then they made it so that you can't spoil end game anymore. And that meme died. So it's like, wait like wait what now you can't say that anymore because you can't spoil the end game and that's by the way the 11 a.m showing for avengers tomorrow completely booked not a single seat yeah i'm i'm i've actually been sort of surfing like you know while we're talking looking for seats for tomorrow. There's not... I take that back. You have to sit in the front row and I will never do that.

People are taking off work for this shit? Good lord. They absolutely have to be. Or school or whatever. Whatever they have going on in their life. Clearly that many people are not free. It helps that it's a Friday.

Sure, I'm sure it does uh so i don't know what i'm gonna fucking do i gotta be working from home on friday yeah i'll be working from the amc row seven seat g the other thing is i was really hoping to find a time when the seat theater will be deserted because i don't want to miss seeing this movie. It's three hours long and I'm going to have myself a soda. I was thinking, I really want to piss in a cup in the theater.

I really want to... That's legal. Yeah, that's not at all a decent exposure. It's only a decent exposure if somebody sees it. But they've got cameras in there. They do not have cameras in there. I know, but I wanted to freak you out

because I know that thought's going to pop in your head if you're pulling your dick out to pee in a cup now. You're going to be like, was Taylor joking? Am I sure there are no cameras here? There's that guy who shot up the Batman thing. Maybe they added him. Yeah, I don't want to walk out and there's no way I can go

three hours without a piss if I'm drinking one of those. Because I'm going to want to have some snacks. I'm definitely going to get a popcorn and maybe some Twizzlers or something and I'd like to get a frozen Coca-Cola. Three hours, get all of those things. Hell yeah. Right? I don't like the frozen drinks.

You know what I've done before? Especially if you've got a girlfriend with a larger purse, we would to chipotle and i and i would get a whole chipotle burrito and put it in her purse and i would take chipotle burritos into the theater that's the best movie snack ever we smuggled not beer in is woodpecker a cider do you guys yeah yeah it's a hard cider yeah so we smuggled that into the movie theater back when I worked at Cisco, and one of my baller friends brought a cheeseburger. There's just something about beer and a cheeseburger for the movie. This isn't a place that serves either of those.

It was great. Kyle, are you going to one of those places that's like full-service padded seats? You got the little table in front of you. That's the way to watch movies. I've only been to a handful of movies in the past five years, but every time I go now, I go to one of those places because it feels like an experience your seat reclines you press that button and you can be like yeah i want some more chicken fingers or i want some more popcorn i want some more fries candy yeah they don't have one of those very near

me i'd have to drive like 40 minutes or something to do that and i'm not crazy about that experience like i because because there's so much going on like it's if it were just me getting that food brought to me i'd be okay but there's so much disruption with everybody getting brought food and beer throughout the movie i think i'm just gonna those waiters who bring that stuff they're like they're like you know jews hiding from nazi soldiers in the holocaust quiet like they are plates and very particular to be quiet yeah there are plates and those things make noise mostly finger food mostly finger food yeah nachos chicken fingers fries that sort of thing i think i'm just gonna like i mean they

have chicken fingers at my movie theater anyway um and pizza and stuff but i don't want a whole meal i am gonna take some booze with me i think i'm gonna go i don't own a whole meal. I am going to take some booze with me. I think I'm going to go. I don't own a flask, but I think I'll just take myself a little flask in there and order two drinks. And one of them will be something fruity that I can click, click, click, click, click, click, make an adult beverage. Yeah. I've never bought a flask in my life. I haven't either. Just from throwing parties at my old place when I lived in the city, I must have five or six flasks sitting around. People who brought them, got

drunk, forgot them, and then just never came back. I don't see the purpose of it. You know the movie's too busy when I'm asking myself, how handicapped are you? If you go in with one of those sticks like you're blind, that is a hilarious game.

You're going to have a walker filled with GGBs. Blind person eyes. Just looking at nothing and everything at the same time. Fuck the blind. Well, they can listen. Fuck the deaf. I always say fuck the deaf because they

don't know anything about this show which would you rather be I'd rather be deaf so that's the standard answer and I think I'm with you but I had a co-worker once who made a convincing argument that she'd rather be blind and there we were sort of talking about this topic

maybe four people in a circle and she's like if you're deaf right now you're totally out of it like your whole social experience changes so dramatically you're just not part of it yeah you read lips i've heard that's not like as real a thing as as we believe like even absolutely yes i've spoken to deaf people before and like they could read my lips i wonder if they were deaf. I just don't know. But were they deaf or were they hard of hearing? Was it like they couldn't make it out unless they had that clue? It's a spectrum of deafness. See, what matters is if you were born deaf or if you became deaf.

Because if you become deaf, Woody, you still know how to speak. Your speech might be a little bit off now because you can't hear yourself. It'll be a little more off. But it'll be just like if you ever wonder if you're speaking weird whenever you've got a bunch of headphones or some shit on like that. It'll be that situation.

Whereas a deaf person has never heard their own voice and they don't know what words sound like. So they just have to be like, Apple! And someone goes close enough yeah see that's why that's why they talk in that like distinct odd way is because they're working off the vibrations they can feel from their voice instead of us who can hear it which is why they'll do like the apple like and somebody has to be drawn out because they're feeling the vibrations and someone has to be there and be like, I mean, I knew what you meant. I watched this movie the other night on Netflix called The Silence or something.

It's yet another movie about monsters that can only hear you. Yeah, I saw the preview for that and I skipped it because I could tell it wasn't going to be good. You know, it was really dumb. Yeah, and also the CGI pterodactyl monsters looked crappy. I could tell that from the preview. I wasn't going to invest

an hour and a half of my time into that nonsense. I watched the third episode of One Punch Man. That came out. It continues to be not as funny as it once was. But I did enjoy it. There was a lot of fighting. There's a new bad guy who's just super hardcore. And he just beats the shit out of

everybody that comes at him. Almost to death, seemingly. And then Saitama runs into him while he's shopping. And Saitama's like, get away from me, man. I'm trying to shop. And knocks him unconscious with like a backhand i i love that show i just wish it was as funny and as it once was i don't know why they had to go to a new animating team like wasn't it profitable like

like i don't get it and the next one would have been more profitable yes like they'll spend 40 minutes building up the bad guy so you understand just how monumental a problem the earth is facing and just how bad this badass is and and this is a tier s s tier problem you know god tier monster yeah and then he just smacks him away yes saitama is literally a god um i've watched all these videos that talk about like why is saitama so powerful a god um i've watched all these videos that talk about like why is saitama so powerful and stuff like that and there's like two two uh sort of schools of thought and one of them makes it's a bit of a spoiler because it comes from the comics i guess but um i guess like that that doctor who has like the um that was genetically engineering

monsters to be as powerful as he could he was like saitama doesn't have a limiter every creature and human being in the universe has a limiter it at some point you just start plateauing and you can't get any stronger saitama has lost his there is no end to his power he just keeps getting more it's just a peak it's just a line that goes straight up and it's just more and more powerful it's uh i i really enjoy that show i i'm i'm just sad that i feel like it's not quite as good as season one it's on hulu by the way if anyone wants to watch it i'm thinking about canceling netflix dude i it just got more expensive i use hulu oh i might just cancel it just because of that then or like i don't every time i hop on netflix i scroll through the movies and i either

have to resign myself to watching like a shitty thriller or shitty horror movie which is isn't that bad because i really like shitty horror and shitty thriller movies like the campy ridiculous stuff i enjoyed those but other than that like what do you have it's like the illusion of choice it's a bunch of crap dude yeah netflix in my mind was the best nine dollars you could spend on entertainment in the history of the world four or five years ago now i i don't know if it got worse or if my standards got higher but it's just it never has what i want and i'm almost always not happy it's definitely gotten worse. Hulu blows it out five years ago or four years ago

you asked me. You got to get rid of one. Hulu or Netflix. Hulu. Guaranteed I would have got rid of them. Now I'd kick Netflix out without a second thought because Hulu at least has all of my favorite classic shows that I like. How much is ad-free Hulu? I think it's $11.99 unless they boosted it up.

I think if we sat here and I had my Netflix pulled up and I could scroll through and be like, have you watched this? Have you watched this? Have you watched this? There's a lot of gold there. There's no way you've watched as many movies as I have. That's fair.

Whenever I'm scrolling through my Netflix, I see dozens of great, great movies. I've just seen them all. I'm watching The Bodyguard now. I'm just starting it bodyguards good yeah it's good so far i haven't seen that one bodyguards good it's got it's um the guy from game of thrones that played rob stark yeah he's a modern day uh like secret service guy in in britain protecting a british politician who's a lady and uh he's very um the first episode hooks you the first episode is it's quite good with that whole uh terrorism situation and all and it's kind of a roller coaster ride it's fun and there's there's a little fucking

might be some might be some titties i think i like hulu more because like i i think i don't watch tv the same way kyle does like when kyle puts a movie on he's you're in it you're focused you're you're watching that movie you're not multitasking when i put like a movie on that i'm not convinced is going to be that good i'm reading something on my computer or i'm answering something on my phone or something like that like and that's why i think i like hulu so much is i can just throw on a series of shows that i know i like so i can just put on old family guy or sunny or seinfeld or something and then like i know it enough that i like can jump in at any point and i can still get whatever i have to get done on my computer yeah but yeah i do that too sometimes if i'm watching i do that

with shows like the office i've uh seen The Office countless, countless times. Well, you've seen The Office countless, countless times. What happened, Kyle? I don't know. Did something happen? You stopped talking mid-sentence. I think I was done there. I've just seen The Office countless times.

Well, that was a very confusing inflection. You there. I've just seen The Office countless times. Well, that was a very confusing inflection. You're like, I've seen The Office countless times. Yeah, that was it. That's how he ended it. Yeah, so that's the show I do that with. I watch The Office. Have you guys heard this? I know

Kyle has heard this story. I don't know if Woody has. I just know because Kyle has watched enough old Opie and Anthony clips to have heard it of the newlywed game or the dating game Serial Killer. Yep.

Go on. Have you heard of that? So this guy was on the dating game, which was a game show in the 70s where you'd have a woman sitting on one side then a panel preventing her from seeing anything facing out towards the audience and where you'd have a woman sitting on one side then a panel preventing her from seeing anything facing out towards the audience and then you'd have three men sitting there between their own partitions looking out towards the audience and then she would ask a series of questions and they would you know contestant one what's your answer to what is

the perfect date you'd say oh well i want to to go to the drive-in and not allow black people to sit next to me. Like, alright, that's an interesting thing you're going to say. What about you, contestant two? And they go through and do all that. And the winner of one of those games was this guy named Rodney Alcala. And Mr.

Alcala, this is the first I've learned of this. This happened in 1978. Apparently this dude was convicted of raping an eight-year-old in 1968. So quick turnaround time on forgiveness in the 60s and 70s for something like that. But this guy, he won the game. He got picked by the woman. And she retold it when they went on their date, because basically you were trying to win a date with the woman to see if you couldtold it like when they went on their date, because basically you

were trying to win a date with the woman to see if you could, you know, forge a relationship or some such nonsense. And the woman was like retelling to people like, yeah, I knew immediately that he was not a normal kind of person. He was stared right through me. He had dead eyes. Like I didn't know how to react to him. Like it was, it was very upsetting. I had no idea the things he'd done or what he was going to do, but even just sitting there having dinner, I knew kind of got the chills. And then it came out later that he murdered four people.

Yeah. Like methodically murdered people. Yeah. And it just fucking insane to win a game show. The most impressive part of that is that they're like, all right, well we got a 10,000 people who want to be the guy on this show. All right, we'll pick the guy who's a carpenter, the guy who's a plumber,

and let's throw a wild card in. This guy was convicted of rape 10 years ago. Get this, though. He loves the ladies. He was an eight-year-old. So let's see if he likes the ladies as well as the girls. Well, how old is our female contestant this week? Well, she's 27.

What's the problem? Well, you know's our female contestant this week? Well, she's 27. What's the problem? Well, you know, I'm going to ask you some questions and we're going to let you set you up with the nicest man. What do you think of that, Susie? I like Play-Doh. I'm not being molested. I was watching this thing on prison and they were talking about pedophiles in prison,

and everyone kind of knows pedophiles in prison have a really hard time. And then they asked another guy, and he's like, actually, you know, like there's a whole class of people who are pretty charming, who have a silver tongue, and they do better than you'd think,

including pedophiles. And they find a way to make themselves useful. You know, maybe they have a good relationship with the guards, or maybe they can get things, or what have you. And I just took that and applied to this dude. He won the dating game.

It's harder to get on there. Yeah, he was probably pretty silver-tongued. If you want to seduce an eight-year-old into sex, you have to have some level of charisma. Yeah, the ones who lure the child and sort of like groom them into being

like well i guess i'll do it that's a charismatic guy right there because eight-year-olds don't like to get fucked they hate it that that's a fact i think that's true yes this is as far as i know i didn't like it when i was eight no no, you didn't. I've seen the video. Yeah, yeah. Tears. Cry, baby. I'm trying to find a place to sit. It's awful.

There goes my political career. Every so often, I think that. There's a little part of me that would like to run for office, and I'm like, yeah, ruined for the 92nd time. Taylor, what are you listening to? You look like you're safe cracking. It was so quiet coming through it. I'm trying to hear

There's a Russian submarine off the Stalbert Valle Beep. Beep. Speaking of politics, our frontrunners, the way I understand it right now, I want to say Bernie's at like 30%. This may have been... Bernie and Biden. The old bees. It was Bernie and then

gay New York guy. His name is He's not New York though. He's Gary Indiana. No, not Gary. Gary Bugeki. He's a South Bend Indiana. And it is South Bend. You're right. Yeah, Buttigieg. I think he's in third right now.

Is that how you say it? Buttigieg? He's very close with, I want to say he was very close with Biden. I think he had like 15 right now. Is that how you say it? Buttigieg? He's very close with... I want to say he was very close with Biden. I think he had like 15% and maybe Biden was like 16 or 17. It was close. It was within the margin of error essentially. The media is trying to pump up Buttigieg way bigger than he is. Biden and

Bernie are the two frontrunners. Bernie is the guy with all the grassroots support. I've said it once. I've said it a million times. Bernie's getting booed by his own people now. He does have passionate supporters, you're right. He just got blasted on CNN or something. They asked him a question about how he would help black women, or women of color.

And he kind of dodged it, and the name dropped MLK, and they're hazing him. But have you considered Martin Luther King Jr.? There's like 18 people running. And I think, I know Trump actually did lead pretty early on. Like he's not a perfect example, but a lot of people thought that he had no chance. And I just feel like our bet is a little like you picking two great football

teams, Saints and Patriots, and saying they're going to win. And I get the other 30. I like my bet. So we'll see. That's true. I'll do that too. I'll take Patriots and maybe

the Saints against the field. I like that bet. I'll take it. Next January, pull up this episode. Guaranteed. It might be Patriots v. Saints. Did Brady retire? No, I don't think so.

But Bronk did. His best receiver. Did Brady retire? No, I don't think so. Bronk did, his best receiver. The thing about the Patriots is that somebody will be like, yeah, I'll take a pay cut to come win a ring. Holy shit, you guys just want him left and right. Brady's cut, he's like Thanos over there with a gauntlet of them at this point.

You know what I don't care for about that guy? He kisses everybody on the lips. He kisses his dad everybody on the lips he kisses his dad on the lips he kisses his son on the lips i haven't seen it it's just he's i know it's probably like wholesome and fine it's just weird he's yeah i don't do it like his diet is so perfect it's part of why i guess he's a great athlete his son's diet is just as perfect like there's no nothing imperfect about that dude that his um phone and like his emails got released and he like it was just a little insight into what it's like to be him behind the wholesome super wholesome great guy weird problems like choosing pool covers like automatically retracting pool covers and that

is hilarious yeah he's the best player in nfl history and he's like i'm not paying five thousand for that retracting pool that's like you saw it cool guys against each other yeah i heard something like yeah yeah um yeah i i don't know he seems all right i don't have any big you're right about his diet like his his, I was, like apparently he had, like some article came out about him and my girlfriend read it, like his diet and she was talking about it.

She's like, do you know Tom Brady's diet? He doesn't eat, a couple of these will just be made up because I get it wrong. He doesn't eat onions. He doesn't eat mushrooms. He doesn't eat asparagus.

He doesn't eat Brussels sprouts. And I was like, what? Why not those kinds of things? She's like, well, they're technically inflammatory, you know, like onions and garlic is technically inflammatory and he eats nothing that is

inflammatory whatsoever. Wow. I guess that's the key. That's, that's the only piece. I want to say there's no bread. There's no like, like anything processed.

There's no hint of sugar in anything he consumes. I mean, it's nothing but elk. He's, he's a light of sugar in anything he consumes. I bet he eats nothing but elk. He's a light years away from having a beer. He's so aggressive out on the field. He's got a belly full of elk in him. What are you, a fucking crazy joke? He wouldn't even drink orange juice. I saw Bill Burr defending Biden on Conan O'Brien.

He was the lady touching. He's like, come on. What, did he put his head on a lady's hip? Come on, they're posing for a photograph. He's from a different time. And he's like, it's not like he's going for side boob. And I'm like, Bill, I don't think you've seen all the photographs. I wished in that moment that Conan had been like, actually, roll the tape. And they had rolled one of those montages. Roll side boob compilation four. And look, I'm I got no problem with Bideniden i kind of like it

and and i feel like he's more likable because of that whole thing with his son that that because i feel like some of those politicians his son's death um did more did multiple sons that's fucked that's you know i i felt for him when that happened and everything he seemed like a fun loving smart guy okay he really does but i've seen those videos of him touching those ladies and look you'll have a hard time finding a similar montage of trump now i know the accusations on trump i know the whole story and and i he probably had that p party in russia and i bet he has like snuck in backstage and i like p because it's gold i i believe that stuff about trump uh it's all words 80 of it or something it's all words i have documented photographs not

of him doing it once or twice or three or four or five or six or seven times there's these videos of him with this very tiny girl and he's like moving his hand up to where her breast would be if she were a woman. She's just kind of wiggling out of it. He's just like, no, no, no. Get back over here. I'm the vice president. Let me get that titty. It's just like,

I can't ignore that. I saw it. I seen it. I seen it. I don't know if it's innocent or not. I want to believe it's innocent i really do oh have you seen the clip of him with a with it's clearly a known thing that he does this because there was a photo op from a couple years ago or something like that where it so happened that jeff sessions was there with his whole family and it was jeff sessions like granddaughter little

girl and he was standing and she was between biden and sessions and this wasn't during a photo or anything it was like sessions was facing this way biden's facing that way maybe biden was getting the photo taken i don't know but biden like started moving towards the little girl to like give her a pat or something and sessions swoops in grabs her shoulder and moves her away and it was like man that squirrely little elf knew something we don't. He's the Bill Cosby of fucking D.C. politics. And everybody knows that old Uncle Joe will slip you a little special sauce in your beverage. The Kool-Aid over at Uncle Joe's playground. I wouldn't forgive him because he doesn't even have a hilarious 90s sitcom. He doesn't have a single sitcom or jello commercial.

None of that shit. I have a thing about what my version of the truth on Biden. And so I think some people are receptive to it, right? Like when he put, there was a guy, Brooks and Shields, they're two reporters. They seem to work together. Super respected old school, like Washington reporters. And he was like, Biden touched me a lot.

And he's like, I'm not like, I'm not from Scranton. He's from a different like socioeconomic background. And he's like 20 years younger. And like at first he didn't like it. And he's like, over time though, like. He groomed me. Yeah, he groomed him and he started to like it. And I'm like, I bet Biden gets a lot of positive responses

on the way that he connects to people. I've heard Trump, although just verbally, connects to people. Like you're the center of his world while he's talking to you clinton i think was the best ever at it when he talks to you you just feel like you matter and i think biden is doing that but i think biden might not realize that there's a whole group of people who just aren't touchers like he is did you know when Nate Diaz almost fought Cairo Parisian on the UFC, whatever, that fight show? Tough. Yeah, the ultimate fighter. So Nate Diaz, the younger one, was on it.

And Cairo was like big brother and I'm going to touch his shoulder. He was ready to fight over that. And his coach is like, yeah, you don't touch Nate. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like that. But Biden has this power imbalance where people can't fight back. If he sniffs your daughter's hair, then you're like, he did that repeatedly. That's not a hypothetical. That was so creepy.

When he sniffs some girl's hair or your wife's hair, you're like, fuck. Is that Johnson and Johnson? I can't just fucking hip toss Joe Biden right now over my wife's hair or your wife's hair you're like is that johnson and johnson you know i can't just fucking like hip toss joe biden right now over my wife's hair smelling i did what do i just look the other way he's the vice president of the united states i think you chastise him i think you gotta chastise you gotta say something i guess joe yeah what's it smell like you fuck i wish someone in his life had done that it would have done him a favor Yeah, Joe, what the fuck Head and shoulders, get your own You know, just back off

You know, Joe, generally young girls don't like This region You know Yeah, he just They call him creepy Uncle Joe Let him know I care I think he's creepy to half the people he's doing that to I think it's inappropriate

What if I just pop my finger in her mouth and let her suckle it a little? Joe, that's the worst thing you've done with Jess. Of all your ideas so far, Joe, the finger suckling. In my America, for every child's mouth, there's a finger to suckle. Yeah. This is a lot of money to spend on a program that's gravely unpopular oh yeah i don't know if i'm wish casting on this but i think that biden the creepy thing is gonna pull him away and i hope the democrats i like almost all of the candidates under 70 more than

the ones over 70 see like that's there's some radicals out there the people look like they could star on a viagra commercial no go like you gotta like what's who are the republicans gonna field uh we know i have the i have a hard dick i've got the hardest dick ask anyone people are saying people are saying it's the dead just hardest dick you've ever seen in your entire life oh yeah i don't think it's gonna be it's gonna be the creepy stuff that hurts biden too because like it's a popularity contest well don't people don't like it is always a popularity contest people don't like it it's gonna be more like bernie can fucking hammer biden on policy stuff like you can even go back to like it's like the 94 criminal act or whatever that was like passed under clinton that was very unpopular that's very

unpopular with current democrats and there's clips of biden rah rah shish boom bah and that through and bernie being like this is inappropriate and i don't care for it we're not gonna do this i'm running yeah say what you 23 years what about a lot a lot of bernie's uh stuff like whenever they pull up an old tape of bernie it's like holy shit, he was against that then? So it's like Bernie's been on the right side of everything for like 50 years or something like that. Like him or not, he is consistent, and you have to have some respect for a politician who's actually consistent on things. Not just consistent, he's principled, right? Like, Lindsey Graham is an example of a guy. You pull up his quotes

from when the special investigator was after Clinton,, Lindsey Graham is an example of a guy. You pull up his quotes from when the special investigator was after Clinton, and Lindsey Graham is like, you know, nail this guy. Instruction of justice, we should impeach. And you hear him now, and he says the opposite. Bernie Sanders has been, he hasn't been doing politically convenient

things. Look at Clinton and Obama on the gay rights thing. You know, they were watching those polls. They were keeping their finger on that pulse until it was just... Now we're on. Now I'm bored. You didn't buy the story about his daughter changing his mind? This is Obama's actual story. I don't buy that.

Malia and Sasha. Yeah, Malia apparently changed his mind. Yeah, if you're taking fucking political advice on something that huge from your little daughter and you're the president of the United States, maybe all those people who were shitting on you for being a community organizer had something right this whole time, dude. Well, it was up until yesterday that I was convinced I was never going to allow these people to get married. They're disgusting, and I hated them.

But after a four-minute conversation with my 11-year-old daughter, she convinced me. Yeah. She's got a lot of things to say about the Middle East and healthcare. God damn it. Don't let Kim Jong-un talk to this guy. Now, one of the main things she's changed my mind on is why limit it to one sucker after a checkup? Like a sucker? Are we back on the finger thing?

Oh, lollipop, lollipop, right. You got two hands. Double hand them. Two hands holding suckers have no hands left to do drugs. And what's the deal with bedtimes? I still like Buddha Judge. I mean, they can't even watch all the shows we all enjoy.

How am I supposed to talk to my daughter about the new episode of Veep? I was up to 11pm last night. What kind of hypocrite am I after all this? Send my daughter to bet at 8 p.m no more she caught me on the balcony smoking a cigarette made a very compelling case and i gave her one too wouldn't it be interesting so they're doing these uh the i think the debates are when the candidates really come to their own people that you didn't notice the guy could be whatever running ninth and then he does a great debate performance and suddenly he's a top two or three guy but there's so many they're putting them in separate debates and they're not doing

what the republicans did which is like a varsity in jv and then everyone just ignored the jvs they're randomizing it so wouldn't it be something if like biden buddha judge i don't know warren got like gang gang in one and then b then Bernie was over there by himself that no one paid attention to. Random. Yeah. Bernie, you've been randomly selected to give your debate alone

in Montpelier. We'll see how it rolls out. If it turns out that the random is Bernie way on the side, I don't buy that for a fucking second. So you would buy it if he was is Bernie way on the side. I don't buy that for a fucking second. Like they... So you would buy it if he was in the middle? Oh yeah, if they said it was random

and Bernie was actually closer to the middle like near the contenders like Biden, I would buy that more. My skepticism goes the other way. They want to hide Bernie. He's the guy who's going to pull support from Biden because Bernie's supporters and Biden's supporters bernie is

their biden supporters like biden supporters are like older more you know neoliberal people like bernie's supporters are more more left and they do not like they actively dislike most of these other democratic candidates absolutely they hate the peloses of the world and of that party bernie is their trump he's the guy, like the Republicans hated Trump. The whole personality kind of thing. Yeah. That's how you mean by Trump. They were like, this guy isn't a real conservative.

This guy is a populist. He cannot beat Hillary Clinton. We cannot let him. We've got to stop him at any cost. That's who Bernie is to the DNC this time around. It's going to be interesting. I enjoy politics when it's this entertaining, and it hasn't been traditionally for...

Maybe I'm just at the right age to find it entertaining, or maybe it's just Donald fucking Trump. I don't know. I want to go with the latter. I think that he just makes this a more entertaining thing because he's such a wild card. He's such a wild card that you never know what he could say or what he could do.

Like, he threatened to put Hillary Clinton in jail. I'm telling you, if you get a chance to go to one of his rallies this time around, first of all, it's not like a big white nationalist, hoorah, rah kind of racial party. There's a lot of black people there, and there's a lot of ladies there. But just for the entertainment factor, I'm not saying go in there with a Trump hat on. I'm just saying go in and observe the way you would love to go and observe North Korea, perhaps, if you dislike him that much. Like, hey, I'm not down with Kim Jong-un, but I'd love to go to North Korea and just look around, see what those people think and do. I want to know what sports they play.

Really, what do they do? Catch the dog. Please catch it. We're hungry. I'm not against all of Trump's policies. I dislike a lot of them. I'm really bothered by the fact that he's not a principled man. And I think he makes a lot of decisions that I don't agree with because he's just floating in the political winds or he's just a crooked dirty guy

oh yeah he's like he is so fucking annoying at this point where it's like he's got his big ass mouth running about all the shit he's gonna do and then nothing he just continues the old neoconservative agenda which is get us involved

in all these foreign wars get us poking and prodding into Venezuela and all these things. It's like, Trump, this is why you had such a groundswell of support with so many people. You wanted to get us out of this shit. And now you're proving day in, day out that you're kind of just carrying toe in the line for the old neoconservative agenda. I'm not sure everyone else agrees with your anti-war stance. It appears, listening to you you that that's your principal

issue. If you had to pick one, it would be don't go to fucking weird wars. Getting us out of wars. And not joining new ones for dumb reasons. That's a pretty good tentpole issue. I like it. But I think that based on my Facebook feed,

people just like him as a cult of personality. They feel like he's there to shake things up and make changes. Too many people love him to own the libs. Like that kind of shit. They're drinking tears. Trump did this thing that he said he was never going to do, but the liberals dislike it, so I like it now.

It's like, wait, two years ago you didn't like it? Let me squeeze in my ads here, get a couple knocked out. This is a word from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. We all know it can be a little frustrating, especially when you're in a hurry or running late, to find yourself at a railway crossing waiting for a train. And if the signals are going and the train's not even there yet, you can feel a bit tempted to try and sneak across the tracks.

Well, don't. Ever. Trains are often going a lot faster than you expect them to be, and they can't stop. Even if the engineer hits the brakes right away, it can take a train over a minute to stop. By that time, what used to be your car is just a crushed hunk of metal, and what used to be you, well, better not think about that. The point is, you can't know how quickly the train will arrive, the train can't stop even if it sees you, and the result is a disaster. If the signals are on, and the train is on its way, and you just need to remember one thing. Stop.

Trains can't. The copy for this ad is like the movies I watched in driver's ed like are you serious that's so fucking funny everybody out there be careful because they're coming quick. Trains are at least this big. Cars are merely this big. And it's going quickly. Beware the trains.

It's a serious thing. Beware the trains. It is a serious. That's why I'm starting. Hashtag beware the train. Tweet that at Woody to get him on board too. Tweet that at Woody to get him on board too. I always read the ads two or three times before the show starts.

This was the exception to that rule. And I'm so glad that I read that for the first time right then and there. I like it. I like it too. You know, guys, it's absolutely true. It can be very tempting to just scoop through there, you know. But you're better off just waiting it out or going around. It's not worth your life. I have that issue a lot.

There's a train that goes through the town that I'm in, and it can take a long time, and I'm often tempted to scoot and shoot, just get through there and do it. But I don't do it because someone might see me and I'd get in a lot of trouble. Or the train could hit me and kill me. I guess that's a possibility if my car were to die. So go to whitehouse.gov slash PKA. And pray register to vote for Trump. What if that was the whole spiel here? Look at the fine print.

It was that. Let me tell everybody at Turo. Oh, God. Turo is a peer-to-peer car-sharing marketplace where you can book any car you want, wherever you want it, from a community of local hosts. Turo is available in over 5,500 cities across the United States, Canada, and the UK and Germany, with over 9 million users worldwide. Choose the car that's best for you, often at a lower price than traditional car rental agencies,

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In my area, you have a couple of options, but the two that interested me the most one, you just go to the Atlanta airport and pick up the car. Like you can park your car there. So you've already got your car parked and just drive away in theirs. And the other one was like pretty affordably. They just drop it off at your house and maybe like 40 bucks or something like that. They'll just bring it straight to you, which almost seems worth the, you know, avoiding the hassle and the potential paying for the parking over at the airport. And even in the longterm, it's a couple bucks a day. So, uh, yeah, tour is very interesting. Like if you've ever, you know, maybe you're never gonna be able to afford a, uh, an R8 or a some hundred

thousand dollar car, but you'd like to try one out for a weekend. Or even better, if you're considering buying a Supersport Camaro or a Corvette or something like that, what better test drive than spending a couple hundred dollars to have one the whole weekend? It's nice to see if the car is going to fit in your garage nicely. It's nice to get out on the interstate and give it a little power, see what's going on. So, Turo, check them out. Very cool service. What if you're on Tinder and you're trying to look your best? Holy shit. But what do you do if you're driving a Turo car

and you come upon a train track? Don't cross. You stop and you wait. And everybody out there, here's another real reason you should avoid train tracks. Because if you are killed by a train at your funeral, you can bet your bottom dollar people will be more embarrassed for you and making little quips about like he got hit by a train. Like, how's it happen? You know where it is.

You didn't see that coming. You didn't see it coming. It's a it's a 30ton machine with a loud horn. There's tracks on the ground. You can tell where it's going. Man, is it really that bad that Ted died? I really don't. If this has been a car accident, it's one thing.

But a train? What a fucking idiot. It's a good thing he didn't reproduce first. Yep. They all say it solemnly in agreement. Solemnly. It's today we come together in grief But in thanks That this retard did not procreate with his

His track dodging genes I have a Toro Segway Topic So here I'll give you the link There was something called Autonomy Day I think For Tesla And Elon Musk got up there give you the link there was something called autonomy autonomy day i think for um tesla and elon musk got up there and told people he's throwing karate kicks in this top picture

about this guy wins me over every time i see him doing his antics like i like him a little more he's funnier they're they're calling him the pt barnum of like the CEO world, I guess, where you just sort of go up there and trick people into thinking you're more interesting than you really are. And here's some of the highlights. He said there would be a million autonomous taxis on the road next year, which would be 2020. They won't even have sold a million Teslas. That's a thing There won't even be a million Teslas sold at that point Let alone all of them being autonomous taxis They're skeptical

Giving his history of over promising Which I find fascinating He's got 17 months right Because next year could be December He's not getting a million electric cars on the road He won't have one autonomous taxi next year in 2020. They're not that good enough. The idea that they could

he said there'll be an app and I think it's 70-30 or 60-40 the owner's way and then Tesla will take the rest of that money for being the Uber that puts this all together. I don't know. I feel know like yeah he makes those ridiculous guarantees and promises and like his like worth in the public eye goes down a little bit where

it's like he's not doing any of this he's not doing any of this and he's like watch as i shoot off this rocket and they're like oh he's the best oh this guy's the shit and then he buys himself time with his electric his electric car scheme even, even the stuff he does deliver scheme, yeah. The stuff he does deliver, they love that. Like, his... I didn't know the difference. I think I've said it on the show before. Apparently, right now, their auto-driving stuff is like someone who has a learner's permit.

You know, like... I don't know about that. Well, I've seen the videos where it takes highway exits and stuff like that. Like, I wondered how much better it was than, like, my Ford that has lane assist. Way better. It's a different thing. And I know you're looking at it. I didn't know.

Yeah, well, it drives for you. I've been stuck in 2003 for a very long time, so I didn't realize. Like, you're not supposed to do this, but I've absolutely seen people just fucking knock back and sleep and let the car drive this is on lane assist or like a tesla you're talking about a tesla not you do it on lane since you're a dead man yeah i i can i can kick back not stop at train tracks woody it does not have that technology this is what my car does not about my car but my my car will pretty reliably follow the car in front of it. Like,

I feel like that aspect of it, you can really trust. If I see like, I don't know, I'm on the super highway and it's blocked traffic in front of me. You don't even have to hit the brake. The truck will handle that every time. lane assist.

You're like ping pong from one side to the other until eventually you, you cross it sharp enough that it doesn't correct it. You've got like a minute. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, something like that. So it's pretty cool, like, I don't know, you're changing your song or something. If you fell asleep or you made a little mistake.

Like, I don't know. I'm sure we've all nodded off while we're driving. Not once. Really. I have done it many times. I had a major accident as a teenager that way. It is very scary. I can remember when I was doing that crazy commute back and forth where I would drive four hours in the morning,

work 12 hours, and then drive three or four hours back, and then do that math. There's not a lot of time in there for sleep. I was sleeping four or five hours maybe and then getting up and doing it all again i just remember driving to work and being like should i just pull over and sleep in the car no i'll you'll be there if you get there fast enough and accelerate you can sleep in the parking lot a little it but these teslas are amazing.

But I just, you know the whole you shoot for the stars and maybe you'll hit the moon, which is still pretty good? That's what he does. And no one else is hitting the moon. Teslas are doing is way better than what my Ford can do. So people love him for what he's doing. But he's so far, his promises are outrageous. I like an optimist in my CEO.

It's, it's good. Especially when he tweets about his stock on the, on the Twitter. No one else would get away with that. That was so funny. If Ford said, we're going to have a million electric Fords on the road by 2020.

And they didn't come anywhere close to that. People would be like, dude, you lied. Like you missed it by a long shot. Tesla does it. I'm sorry. Elon Musk does it. And sorry elon musk does it

and you know it's like yeah you know we always love that guy 2021 i love that guy so much like he seems he because i think he's genuine i think he is the genuine article i don't think there's anything fake in him he had the money his delivery is so bad it circles around the good again like oh this guy can't possibly be conning all of us he's not even that good a speaker i'm not talking about his sales pitch i'm talking about like watching him watch his rocket take off from that control room and like he's all teary-eyed and then he like runs out the door to like look up at it and then there was that one time where he's being interviewed and i don't know which astronaut had said this but like maybe buzz aldrin or somebody one of those old fogies that was still

alive that pretended to go to the moon back in the day they're like they they said something like you know i don't think that private industry will ever lead the way in doing you know space travel it's it's it's reckless and irresponsible governments are always going to do that you know be the ones behind this sort of advancement in technology and he's hearing his hero say this from from the and the um the reporter is reading it and he starts crying and and and and it was real emotional and there's this whole montage we've all seen the trump montages right where there's like five minutes of he's never gonna do it you know even it's republicans and democrats and everybody in the middle those are hysterical and then and then the the curb your enthusiasm music rolls as like as like polls pop up or like numbers or like voting

numbers come in they have that for elon musk where you've got that moment intersplice with lots of his his doubters you know shooting him down shooting him down and then the music, like crescendos as like he, you know, stuff happens and he, and the rockets start actually landing. He got three of them to land simultaneously the other day. That looked cool. It's, I like it. Was it a new kind that he did or was it the same? Well, but the thing is like getting the, the, the, the vehicles back.

So he's not just blowing them all away like NASA would. He's, he's making it affordable by bringing the vehicles back and getting to land vertically on those platforms so he can just fuel them up and go again you know nasa sends would send up his rockets and it's like well there they go they're gonna fall into the pacific but he's because nasa wasn't spending its own money that's true too and they weren't trying to be affordable and and uh i watched um graham hancock was on rogan this week and i love graham hancock and and uh what does he do i don't know him is he a scientist he's a he's a writer uh he's this british writer uh he was the one who wrote about

that younger dryas event where the comet hit earth 12 000 years ago or something like that and we had that and it brought us out of the last ice age and he thinks that it's the that uh there was a somewhat advanced advanced civilization back in that period of time that was wiped out by 12,000 years ago. Yeah, that was wiped out by by that event. And he thinks that's also why, like so many cultures from around the world have the stories of the global flood, because he thinks that the impacts that came from this this comet strike melted a lot of glaciers like flash melted them and flooded a lot of the uh the earth and completely brought us out of that ice did they say like where they think the old civilizations were yeah it's interesting i've never heard that yeah oh you don't know about this oh it's really interesting there's this uh there's this site in turkey um whose name is very difficult to pronounce where they have these giant

megalithic structures uh and and tooled technology that that would have been used to create them and like modern archaeology states that um those um the people that were alive at that time were like hunter gatherers but these were clearly created during that time period and by a civilization that must have had organized labor which is a thing that that modern archaeology doesn't think happened until much later on um but but it would have had you would have had to have like skilled craftsmen who are spending their time learning a craft and practicing that craft not foraging for food there would have to have been another class of people foraging for food

for them would it be close to gobekli tepe yeah yeah you actually got real close it's like go black yeah yeah it's it's hard go go black techie or something like that that's the site yeah yeah um but he was he wasn't talking about that so much this week he was talking about um the americas and some of the stuff they found in the amazon rainforest where they found uh evidence of irrigation and stuff like that in the Amazon or Amazonian rainforest. Really cool stuff. I forgot where I was going with this.

I thought he was, it related to our last topic. I think on Joe Rogan's podcast. Yeah. I'm trying to think one of the things he spoke about this sort of related to our last, maybe Elon Musk topic, but,

but regardless he's, he's got a new book out. Maybe the space travel aspect of it is where it's tied in. No, I'm just trying to throw clues out. Oh, yeah, because he was talking about the technology to prevent a future asteroid collision and how one of the things that's important for that is for private industry to move forward with their plans to mine asteroids because that's the same tech. If they can make that technology profitable, then we'll have that resource to potentially

like nudge an asteroid out of our path. If you're mining asteroids, you might be putting them in orbit or something. That'd be cool. I don't know if that's possible. I don't even know if that's safe. I wouldn't trust GE to do that, would you? Like if I heard, like, so General Electric has brought a 8-kilometer asteroid, mostly composed of titanium and rare Earth elements, not on Earth, though, is it, into our close Earth orbit. If you look into the northern skies early in the evening, you can see it.

What if they miscalculated it? It fucking falls into the Pacific Ocean. Well, no more Californians. I hear you. I wonder how, I don't know. I really don't have a good grip on earth's atmospheres, ability to burn things. Like I know that it burns most stuff,

right? Things are hitting us all the time and they never land. If you wanted to get rid of a satellite, just nudge it towards earth. It burns up, doesn't hit the ground. Everything's fine. How far does that extend?

Does that reach mineable asteroids? No, it doesn't. that stuff that that stuff that's several hundred meters big that stuff makes it through like you see those a lot collide like if it's starting i think if when it enters the earth i don't know what the exact numbers are but roughly speaking if it enters the atmosphere and it's a hundred meters it's gonna hit now that's not a world ending type thing but something that's one kilometer i think that destroys an entire city like like like that's london gone

no that would like destroy so much more than the entire city right because when you get to a critical mass it's not so much the initial impact it's the seismic fallout and then like the dust clouds and things that ruin environments am i talking at my ass does that sound right i know i would be if i were talking now that's it well i well here we are i was just reading about go geppli beppli or whatever the fuck that is blackie techie or something i'm gonna start reading this is so fascinating get the book dude i've got the book on uh i got it from uh audible all right and uh the cool go to Audible and get it. The cool thing, so Graham Hancock is, he's got a nice reading voice

and he's very passionate about this. He's traveled the world. So one of the things is like a lot of the stuff that he talks about, modern archaeologists has really shit on this guy for a long time until slowly they found more and more evidence to support his theories. They found the asteroid craters.

They found the sites like the one in Turkey. And so he's very passionate about this, but he's been getting shat on his entire career until like the last five years or something like that. And so hearing him read this stuff is great. Chiz just got his newest book, and I think it focuses more on the Americas, and he believes that there were humans in the Americas 130,000 years ago. It's very interesting stuff. I really like the guy. I have asteroid stats. So an asteroid the size of a car would burn up and it's not a problem. An asteroid the size of a house

would flatten most buildings within one and a half miles of ground zero so i did i would have thought a house size asteroid would be not a big deal that may burn up but i don't know an asteroid the size of a 20 story building uh would leave a wake the size of paris and if it's a football field you'll feel it a thousand miles away 7.7 magnitude earthquake I mean to say and a half mile would be a global

problem I would think that you wouldn't mind anything less than a football field right and that's real dangerous yeah you wouldn't think so are you familiar with the Tunguska event oh yeah actually I just saw it it's like 1908 or something like that And that's real dangerous. Yeah, you wouldn't think so. Are you familiar with the Tunguska event? Oh, yeah. Actually, I just saw it.

It's like 1908 or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, me too. I'm also familiar with it. So the Tunguska event, this asteroid struck Siberia in like early 1908. And it was sort of, no one knew about it because Siberia is a gargantuan, unpopulated area. Ah, yeah, the Tuskegee experiments. No, that's different. That's when they came up with that hair-brained

idea of putting a black man in an aeroplane. The Manhattan Project. It'll never work! Manhattan Project. That's close. Grease everywhere! What's the name of the experiments that we're familiar with? Sorry. The Tunguska event is where this asteroid struck

Siberia in 1908, and it flattened a gargantuan area. It did this thing called airburst. It didn't strike the ground. It blew up in the atmosphere. It was coming in. It got so hot. It didn't.

I don't understand the physics behind this sort of thing, but it went boom. And it went boom like a big nuclear weapon. And it flattened this enormous area. And when I say flattened, I mean. 770 square miles. of trees laid over flat and nobody knew about it because there weren't any fucking people out there and it wasn't until like there's pictures of it and they they figured you know a bunch of people went deaf and shit and their their windows so it made sound it was very loud the trees fell over and it made sound no one was there all right yeah uh i see i got you now yeah yeah yeah um but but something like that had happened

over you know major city it's gone it's gonna happen one of these days and it's gonna be it's gonna be disaster porn you know it's it going to be the worst thing we've ever seen in our lifetimes, 100%. The biggest disaster I think in my lifetime was the tsunami in 2004 that hit Indonesia. Was it that long ago? I think it was.

I think it was. It hit the Indonesian tsunami. My guess is it's 2004. Okay. Because I want to say I was in high school when it happened i think i want to talk i'm not sure i thought i was in on youtube when it happened well there was a there was another one um later on um whose date i'm not sure about at all maybe 2010 there was another tsunami 20 2004 is the one you're referring to yeah yeah 2004 is the one that killed like roughly a quarter million people over 200,000 people good gosh now how big is the one i'm thinking of i have like it was smaller but um but but

probably six digits am i crazy uh i i don't know i don't know and then there was the the fukujima disaster where that tsunami hit Japan and the reactors went critical. And the Japanese are so fucking proud that they were like, no problem here. And meanwhile, now they're sending those 80-year-old men in because they don't have enough life left to matter

to go in there and clean up waste. It's very honorable, but it's to a fault. You know? It's to a fault. You know? To a fault? Like, this is the situation that we're in. How about a fucking robot, you japs?

How about asking the international community for a little help? Like a week before things went crazy upside down shitty instead of being like, oh, we are very good at the nuclear physics. We no need no American help. No thank you.

We learned our lesson the last time. Apparently there were floods in China in 1931 that killed 1 to 4 million people. Well, there was when I think it might be Mao who, um, what did he do?

Well, I know he was a no-good Nick. No, no, no, no, no. He did this one thing that was crazy that created this huge famine. I could have this a little backwards or wrong or mixed up, but you know how it goes. Don't let that stop you. I want to say he wanted all these birds killed, and so he passed out.22 caliber rifles en masse and had all these birds shot because the birds were eating the grain. And the result was the birds didn't just eat the grain, they were eating the grasshoppers.

And so now the grasshoppers went wild and they really ate all the grain. And it created a famine that killed like 10 million people or something like that. Oh wow, this is hilarious. So one of the first actions, well I guess not hilarious isn't the best word. There goes your political career. One of the first actions taken in the Great Leap Forward in China from 58 to 62 is called the Four Pests Campaign. And they wanted to kill rats, flies, mosquitoes, and sparrows.

And the destruction on such a level of those four things resulted in part of what was the great Chinese famine. Like that, that's, I had no idea that they were just killing all the animals they needed to. China rolls the dice with the environment like that. It's interesting. Like they're not afraid of public opinion. Like in America, if you say like, look, we're getting rid of all the salamanders. They're like, you don't understand how important salamanders are.

Yeah, I guess I don't. I don't think anything will happen. But they do it over there. Now they're doing that. What's that? That salamander? What's that called? Look at me funny.

Kill them all. They have that dam that's huge. I guess it produces electricity, and they made a giant lake. It's the world's biggest dam project that's ever been. guess it produces electricity and they made a giant lake. It's like the world's biggest dam project that's ever been. It's kind of interesting. That Belt and Loop thing they're doing is crazy.

Is that what it's called? The Belt and Loop? I'm not familiar with this project. Let me get the name right. I know about the dam because I remember like when they started construction on that dam, it's seemingly 15 years ago

or something like that. It was like, yeah, China's been building the biggest dam that's ever years ago or something like that it was like yeah china's been building the biggest dam that's ever been built and they were explaining that like you know they had to move people obviously because when you make a dam you make a lake and they they made this gargantuan fucking lake and everybody was having to be relocated it changed it changed like major parts of china's landscape this is the belt Road Initiative. Let me put it on the screen. I don't know if I can take the picture better. But they're basically putting a road system across Asia.

It's going to connect the Middle East, Europe, India, Asia. And then if you look at this picture, the orange ones are roads and the blue ones are just sea routes. And basically it makes China the center of the trade world. And ones are just like sea routes and basically it makes china the center of the trade world and they're just like hey we'll build roads to whatever africa or something and and now as these places grow and their economies boom they're tied into china in a really central way it's i mean china's already conquering Africa pretty consistently.

Are they going to conquer us in our lifetime? Are we going to lose that fight? They are! I used to wonder how those poor Brits slept at night knowing they were the world's biggest empire and now they're not. Well, I'll be finding out in the next 15

years or so how to sleep at night knowing that you've been surpassed. I remember thinking that too, like reading about the fall of Rome and things and just like being like, man. But there had to be like people living in that day had to be like, yep, any fucking year now it's going to go tits up. And then like I was thinking about the U.S. and it's like, oh, fuck. I was thinking about the US and it's like, oh, fuck. I think we crested in the 50s or 60s and we are in the last bit of the American empire now. If you want to call us an empire.

I think post-Cold War was maybe our peak. There was only one superpower in the world and it was us. It was us and Russia and then it wasn't really Russia. And there it is, somewhere in the 90s maybe. The dot-com boom perhaps could have been our peaky peak and now could be yeah i mean i hope i hope the chinese are nice but i know they're not going to be i for one welcome our new overlords they're like the most ethnocentric people on earth the chinese like they even hate chinese people from other parts of the country they're

like oh you're from that nasty part of china i'm from the place where the air only gray not black but yeah it is crazy it seems like that's gonna happen like russia doesn't seem like a threat at all no russia is alternatively like the scariest white people on the planet and seriously fucking incompetent. On an individual level, they are the scariest white people on the planet. Maybe the scariest people on the planet. Like they seem to be very good at fighting those Russians and Eastern Europeans. But on a governmental level, I feel like they're a lot more of a paper tiger than people here will have you believe. Whereas, you know, I've heard people say, oh, China's a paper tiger too economically,

but I'm too retarded to delve into that. I don't know. So, but I'm definitely more afraid of China than Russia. No question. Yeah. I mean, I'm way outside my depth here, but it's my understanding. The way we won World War II was not that we had the coolest tech. It's that we had the greatest manufacturing.

All these automotive plants started churning out, run-of-the-mill tanks. And it's like, yeah, every German tank takes out six American ones. Fortunately, we could build ten for every German tank they could build. And we won the war. We won the war by pumping out ships and tanks and guns. And everyone was armed. We did it. Now, if it comes to a battle of attrition

a serious how do you win a war can we outproduce china at making stuff at this point right now not a fucking chance yeah yeah so like no way like that was an interesting thing about like world war ii and i was looking into it years ago because like you only your main perspective aside from documentaries and things about the battles is just you know your school like what they tell you and it's like oh and the allies won this battle and germany won this battle and this and that back and forth but then i didn't know they have like a ranking system for how well individual units did like certain armies versus other armies as far as casualties battles won i don't know all the methodology behind it but they had that ranking and when i was like clicking on that that article

i was thinking it would be like oh usa britain germany france like i thought it would be a mix of like the top 10 best nah germany germany germany germany germany germany germany germany germany like it was like insane to be holy shit, we literally won because we kept throwing stuff at them with our manufacturing ability. We overwhelmed them with that. I don't know if I can poke holes in this, but were the Germans beating British and Americans and Russians? Oh, yeah. Oh, it wasn't just them. They didn't pump up their stats by rolling through noobs like Poland and France and such.

Oh, no. These weren't German stats. These were the post-war stats. But you see where I'm coming from, right? Anyone can invade the Dutch and pump up and get a great kill-to-death ratio. It's not until you hit another powerful army that you get to see who's what. No, even in those big battles, Germany was eating our lunch a lot of the time. And I didn't realize that.

It was really our numbers. That's not what I learned from movies, Taylor. Our tactics were really fucking good. Have you seen Fury? Yeah. See, they would have won that battle with their stats. They great kill death, but they still die. Did one guy live?

Am I crazy? Yeah, one guy live am i crazy in fear yeah one guy that the they got the coward the cowardly like a noob that they sort of picked up halfway he was a spoiler didn't they didn't they send him off prior to it to like no people the high in the tank under a dead guy he did he did that he went out the bottom hatch of the tank and then he got under a dead guy. That was a great movie. That movie's even funnier to re-watch knowing that Shia LaBeouf apparently was upsetting everyone because he was like Daniel Day-Lewis style method acting, except he took the route of like, well back in the day

you couldn't shower on a tank crew and so he just smelled like shit. And he was giving himself superficial cuts to all of his face with the kind of thing yeah the guy from even stevens right he's the transformer guy am i crazy oh yeah and even stevens a very good guy who made the uh the he will not divide us thing after trump got elected and then or chan kept finding where the flag was based on astronomy. That was so funny.

Here I am coming from a very uneducated place, but have you read the news about Brie Larson and the hate from the entire Avengers cast for her? No! Really? They despise her. I liked her movie. Did you end up seeing Captain Marvel yet? No, I didn't go watch it.

I didn't have time. Something came up and the person I was going't go watch it i didn't have time something came up and the person i was going to go with it could we didn't work out but um but but now i kind of don't want to watch it because like like like i hear that thor really hates free larson and she's just a she's really causing all kinds of problems on the set and she just wasn't a likable person and if all of them dislike her and i love all of them and by them i mean the avengers i like chris hemsworth and Robert Downey Jr. and Scarlett Johansson and Chris Evans and the guy that plays Hawkeye, whose name's escaping right now.

I like those people. And if they all dislike her, then there's got to be something wrong with her, aside from that ass that came out of that Rick and Morty episode when Morty experienced true level. I've got a better ass than hers. We all have better asses than hers. So fuck her, maybe.

Maybe, maybe. If you do a quick Google search, you'll see that Thor really disliked her. I think he spoke out and said something publicly about it. That's not what you want when you're joining a franchise. You don't want the entire leading established cast to dislike you. Yeah. Because Disney has shown a,

a, um, a propensity to sort of do what the fans want. You know, they brought back, um, what's his name with gardens of the galaxy after they said they absolutely would not when there was a fan outcry.

Oh, um, the guy who made the tweets that people didn't like. Yeah. The tweets that people didn't like, you know, they brought it on James gun, James gun fan outcry. Oh, the guy who made the tweets that people didn't like? Yeah, the tweets that people didn't like. James Gunn? James Gunn, great guy. Has made some of the best movies in the Marvel Universe.

Those Guardians of the Galaxy movies. What do you mean, tweets? Yeah, get out of here. But yeah, I found that really interesting. I wasn't able to read up on it. I just got linked it today and I was real busy watching Rust YouTubers man

if you want to watch another Rust YouTuber and you want to be blown away by incredible gun skill I think this guy is disliked by some people and I can kind of see why and maybe this guy is a villain in the Rust community and I just don't know it because I'm like privy to all the information and backstory there's a guy named b chills all right and and i don't think i've seen him good god what skills are outrageous

do you think he hacks no no because you can see you can tell when someone's hacking um you can you can see it yeah i watched a's hacking um you can you can see it yeah i watched a guy he was getting compliments on his gun skills and i don't think it was the same guy and then they're like he's widely known as cheating look at one minute and 37 seconds and i'm like that was a little suspicious yeah i i can see i i know how the cheats work and uh because i mean we've looked into them like how do these how do these how does this shit work how are these people doing this because like there's a combat log in rust it's one of the things that separates it from any other game i've ever played you press f1 and you type in combat log and sort of a back back end sort of screen and it'll show you impacts and how much damage

you did to your enemy at what range and what the results were and sometimes they're invalid bullets It's like the vote the bullet didn't count for a number of reasons that can happen And it's good to know that because you can be very frustrating if you lose a gun fight like art How do I lose that I hit him four times in the head? Well, if someone's cheating like the the number one give giveaway if they've got aim bot is it zooms in it goes to your head And so like a good player can control the ak really well but they're not gonna hit your head three times in a row if they hit your head three times in a row from a certain range you just know they're cheating and maybe they do it once you know but

if they do it three times in a row like if they wipe you and two of your buddies out and you all pull up your combat logs and it's like headshot, headshot, headshot, headshot, headshot every single time, you know, he's fucking cheating. We ran into that on a server. Um, we ran into a cheater and we had this whole, we got the owner of the server into our, uh, our discord and we're like, Hey man, this guy's cheating. Like either he goes or we go, I'm going to take my whole group. We're all going to fucking abandon the server. And I'm going to tell everybody that, that you harbor a cheater and uh and it turned out that like he pretended to kick the guy but the guy came back in another account so we just don't play on that server anymore because the guy's a fucking piece of shit you know he's literally harboring a cheater on his server

yeah that cobra guy uh he's literally harboring uh cheaters on his server that he owns and he's fine with it, like ruining the fun of everybody else. And it's bullshit. We play on a completely different server now. We're having a good time. There's no money on these servers, right? There's money.

It depends on the situation. There's all different kinds of servers. There's vanilla. And vanilla is vanilla. You know, there's no modifications to the the core game but i don't like playing vanilla now there are 500 times servers so that if you hit a tree you get 500 times the amount of what you normally would that's bullshit all right you're not even playing the game anymore we play on a 1.5 times server and that feels good to us like if we're still working

very very hard to acquire any resources, just not quite as hard. What other changes? Where does the money come in? It's a two-part answer. Some of the other changes are things like smelting metal. You put metal in a furnace or sulfur in a furnace and you add wood and it cooks it down into a final product that you can use to

construct bullets in the case of sulfur and explosives and with metal ore it becomes metal fragments that you use to make like metal walls and stuff like that and guns and shit like that that just happens faster it cooks faster than it normally would that's not like affecting the gameplay nobody's losing a gunfight because some guy cooked some ore faster it's just a a quality of life improvement also when you drop the so the way a furnace works you've got one slot for wood three slots for ore one slot for charcoal and one slot for finished product now in vanilla you have to split the ore into three equal uh sizes and it's kind of tedious well in the modded version you drop the ore in it and it goes plop plop plop plop and it just splits into three it just divides whatever you put in there into thirds and it's a quality of

life improvement these are all free things that apply to every player on the server that apply to everything in the server now for the money comes in i'm a vip plus or something on the server that apply to everything in the server now for the money comes in i'm a vip plus or something on the server it costs 15 maybe a month i'm not really sure now now what comes along with that are i get a few blueprints for free like some basic like quality of life shit i get i get a revolver right off the start i can craft one if i get the resources to make one i don't have to go out find a revolver in a box, and then blueprint it. I just kind of start with the ability to craft a revolver. It's the lowest tier of all the guns, and that's kind of nice.

Also, I don't have to wait in a queue. So if there's more than 150 people trying to get into the server, then there's this line, this queue that you have to wait in. It's real tedious. I skipped the front of that line. That's the reason i purchased it and the other thing and this to me feels like it's illegal um rust has skins right just like csgo has skins and there's a big marketplace for those skins um some of the the the face mask the armored face mask which is like the best head protection you can get in the game.

Some of the skins for that are very expensive, hundreds of dollars. Because the way the Rust Marketplace works, they come out with a new skin. It's available on the marketplace for one week, and then it's gone. And so there's a limited quantity. Everyone who bought it has it, and they can sell it to you. But it's a limited it's a supply and demand they get it now if they die they don't lose this or they no no they're

always able to apply make your gun better or not at all oh actually to some extent um okay so there are some skins that for example make the front iron sight of your weapon glow in the dark and that is an advantage there are some skins that make the front iron sight red you know rather than just just gun metal silver that is an advantage like those are the skins we pick we pick the ones that glow in the dark and or are red because it's it's easier to target people it's easier to use that weapon in that case well on my server if you're a vip guy you just type in a thing in the chat and a whole thing opens up where you can just skin you have like 75 skins for every weapon for free for free so you can just mix and match and just just skin all day long and i don't see how it's legal is the revolver

the worst gun like so i've literally never played but i see guns that are like shitty looking shotgun pistol things that take a long time to reload and only have all right that is the worst gun that is called the ioka and that is like that is the absolute absolute worst gun i think you can craft that you don't need a blueprint for that you can just make that the thing about that is it's literally like that gun you made that time almost um you like you're like sparking a flint on the back of like and it's random how many times you have to spark it but what people will do they'll be just completely on target yeah you have to like clink clink clink like sparking the flint on the back of this little shotgun pistol and it's got one shot and it's very it takes a long time to reload because it's like a muzzle loader but if you're right next to the guy what

people will do and like a lot of videos are called like fastest start ever and what they'll do is they start on a server that's already been going for a while it hasn't wiped off wiped out recently they'll find a geared guy who's got like ak-47 and full metal plate armor and they'll run up to him kill him and all of a sudden they warp to the end game because they take all of his good shit and run as fast as they fucking can away um it's super annoying the ioka pistol uh that's the worst double barreled shotguns that look kind of shitty too because you just get two shots they're the better than they look they're better than they

look like they have close it's close range weapon you know like you would expect it to be but it's an insta kill most of the time if you're if you're right against the guy and getting kills is hard in this game it's it's uh it's a difficult thing to kill people um but yeah i i fucking love the ak still the best gun or have they added a new team? Oh, yeah. No, AK is definitely the hardest to use and best gun in the game, 100%. You know, there's a sniper rifle that's better. Those things seem a little contradictory. I've watched enough videos to know that Kyle's right, but I don't get it. I don't know that I'd pick it because people miss with it.

I don't think it'd be the best gun in my hands. No, I've gotten pretty good at it like like not by youtuber standards but by like random person standards the recoil pattern is the same every time it's it's it's this zigzaggy up and it zigzags like like up and left and up and right started they're like shins and then no no no you know you just knows where to counter like it's gonna be doing this it's gonna be you have to pull down to the left and down to the right and down to the left and down to the right. You have to draw a pattern with your mouse

to keep it on target. And it's very difficult. I can't do a full spray, but I can do a six-bullet spray and stuff like that. And two or three hits is usually enough to kill the guy. Four hits, almost certainly. And headshots are very important in this game. The gunplay's hard. The gunplay's very, very important in this game um the gun plays hard

gun plays very very hard i usually use the semi-automatic rifle because ak-47s are not only like the best gun the hardest gun to use but they're also extremely um resource intensive they're very expensive to craft uh i have a question that i i can't seem to get answered by watching videos. How much stuff can you have and still look naked? Can you be naked and then like, surprise, here's my gun or here's my armor? Like, can you get? Go ahead. You can have it in your inventory but not on your person. And then you can like press tab and drag it into your inventory and then and then use it

it's it's that situation so the gun will show on your back the bow will show on your back um but the armor if you've got it in your inventory and not on your person won't show one of the things they added was if you're a true naked who hasn't yet touched a weapon you're an absolute weapon virgin a true naked yeah there's a difference um you know you're a true naked who hasn't yet touched a weapon, you're an absolute weapon virgin. A true naked. Yeah, there's a difference. You're completely naked, but if you've touched a weapon, you had this sash from your shoulder down to your waist, and that's how people know he's been playing the game.

He just happens to be naked now. So there's a little bit of a difference there. And there's a whole faux pas about shooting people who are naked and that's bullshit because what naked people will do is run up on you with like hey i'm friendly i'm friendly yoka yoka yoka and like take all your shit so you you can't trust them that's what i would do yeah that's that's what everybody would do and uh so you don't trust naked people you shoot naked people because they often have like a full inventory because they're like building towards not being a naked person. The other faux pas is roof camping.

I don't do that because it's really looked down upon. If you're on your roof in relative safety with a sniper rifle, yeah, you don't do that. When you do that, you'll often piss somebody off and they'll be like, someday, someday you will go to sleep and I will be coming for you. And they will. Like their entire YouTube series about that where it's called like wiping a roof camper. And it's like the video began and this guy, he's naked on the beach and this guy's sniping him. And he's like, well, fuck you, motherfucker. My life's mission is to

destroy you. And the guy will spend hours farming up enough explosives and gaining allies and stuff like that. And then he'll go back and get him. And it's this whole revenge story. And it's real fun to watch. But Beach Hills just does absurd things with the guns.

You know, lots of no-scopes while they're flying. They'll be in a helicopter flying over the map. And he'll just no-scope people in the head. Shit like that. He'll shoot rockets from the helicopter. And you think he's not cheating? No. You can see him doing it.

He's not cheating. He might be editing. So the thing is, there are some people who edit. And they have very little content, right? Because they have to edit their best moments. You'll never run out of Beach Hill's videos. You can go on a Beach Hill stream, and you'll see some ridiculous shit within half an hour.

He's legitimately one of the best of the best that play that game. I believe he coined the phrase going deep, which is when somebody opens their door and you kill them and you run in the door. And then you wait at the next door and they open that door and you kill them and you go in another door. And you just end up taking their whole base by going deep. By watching a few hours of his videos, I found that his personality is a little abrasive. He's a bit of a troll, but I've never seen anybody who's quite so good. He's,

he's pretty close to that H June guy that I've talked about before. You need an outside sleeping bag. You know, if someone's going deep on you, you shut the door. Yeah, no, I mean,

that's what we do. We don't, we don't go fight them. We just close our doors and, uh, and wait, or we go out a different way. Uh,

we use like-made bases. There are YouTubers whose entire YouTube channel is about designing really difficult-to-raid bases. There's this guy named EvilWurst. It's German. It's EvilWurst, but it's pronounced EvilWurst. And we use one of his bases. He's calculated how many rockets.

You feel like his base was unrateable and it's like unrateable no he's like well if you run around there's one mine the only way to enter it is to die like even you have to die and then respawn and pick up all the shit off your body but like in the way to exit is you put the bucket up or something and he just honeycombed it there's there was only one entrance i think that's what made this particular underground place oh yeah the cave base yeah yeah and uh he had a cave base and look i'm no expert but i'm like dude that is so unrateable no one will ever come out positive and like you said he calculated how many uh rockets it would take to get in and uh it was

some stupid number yeah all you can do is make it uh unprofitable for them to raid you but there's no such thing as unraidable you just keep hitting them and we've been in scenarios where like we're just so rich like we'll just keep coming we don't care you know like we'll just keep coming 90 rockets okay i made it 15 minutes without mentioning minecraft but that happened there all the time as the maps aged. It was more about my clan versus your clan than giving a crap about what was in your

base. Yeah. Sometimes it's just about getting rid of... I'll tell you a quick story. My base is full of doors, garage doors in particular, which some people believe are overpowered because they take so many explosives to destroy and uh and i'm gonna i'm about to log off i've been playing a long time

like all day and and most i got i get on like five in the morning and it's like five in the afternoon and i'm like guys i'm gonna take a nap i've been playing 12 hours i've got us in great position here for like tomorrow or maybe late tonight we'll see when i wake up close all the doors before you log off so i get off i go to bed and i have a nightmare i have a rust nightmare about like bad things happening in rust and and like four hours later so four hours okay i get back on i dream in rust now these days like i dream that i'm in rust and i'm a rust character and and rust things are happening those are my dreams and so i get back online and essentially these motherfuckers have left the doors open all of them except for one

and so some fucking kids literal children blew one of our doors open and they came in and stole a bunch of my shit not all my best shit because that's down underground doors on doors yeah there's there's there's even more doors that go to that they'd have to like go out of their way to open these doors like there's all kinds of like exploits and building techniques that you use to like lock down your tool cupboard which is like the ownership of the base. And my gunpowder is hidden. But all my components and like eight guns, which are hard to come by, and a bunch of stone and these walls. You can build walls around your base.

And I have constructed these walls. They take two minutes per wall to make, roughly. And they cost like 1,500 stone per wall, roughly, which is a labor-int intensive thing to make a one wall and i have 20 walls in a box they're all gone and i'm just freaking the fuck out so i quickly like put a new door down there put a lock on it five minutes later three guys show up and they're primitive motherfuckers they're wearing like wolf skin shit and like wooden armor these are the mother you gotta see wooden armor it's literally like it's it's but they look like branches laced together it's like planks of wood with rope tied to you bullshit why these are the people well they

you know they give you some protection better than naked and and sometimes it's all you got it's all you know how to make you have to learn to make the better armor. And that's a whole thing. You pay the iron price. You steal it from somebody. And then you got to research it. And then you know how to craft it. But I'm like, these guys show up to my front door. And I'm just like, I've got a glass window that's all protected and shit.

And I'm like, hey there. Are you the ones who raided me? And they're like, what? Nah. But I can see other names you know i'm taking note of these people's fucking names and they're like nah wouldn't us and one of them's a fucking kid one of them's like a child like a 10 year old or some shit and that's making me real mad and so i get a little mad at my boys you know i'm like i'm typing in discord like y'all motherfuckers done fucked up. I lost all

my shit. Y'all need to get on and make good on what you have lost. Did they lose things or just you? We all pool our resources. I don't know. I thought maybe they raided Kyle's room. No. We pool resources. What's mine is yours. What's yours is mine.

We're all in this little clan together. This little base together. We're working toward a common goal. We're snowballing toward the best What's mine is yours. What's yours is mine. If we're all in this little clan together, this little base together, you know, and, but we're working toward a common goal. We're snowballing toward like the best guns and lots of them. And so I'm super pissed and I'm, I'm not going to be,

I'm not, I'm not going to go wings of redemption and like talk down to somebody and like belittle them. They're grown men, but I'm just like, I asked you guys to close the doors. It's a simple thing. you guys to close the doors it's a simple thing you didn't close the doors children blew one door off our base that that that is literally called the frustrator that's the name of the base design it's so difficult sounds like you might have talked

down to him a little i'm just telling them what happened these are all factual occurrences okay and i'm i'm like hop on when you can let's try to make this right. So they hop on and we start going and we notice close by is a base with walls all around. And I'm like, those are my fucking walls. Those are my fucking walls. They have that they stole from me and they just put them around their base. And and and like maybe 30 minutes later, I meet my neighbors. I have neighbors nearby. There's three of them. And we start chatting friendly. You know what? You try to be friendly with your neighbors. Cause it's very annoying to walk out your door and get into a gunfight. You know, like you want to be friendly with your

neighbors for the most part, if you can, if they're adults and if they're mature enough to understand that that's a good thing to do. And these guys are that. They're all like 18 to 25 or something. And they're like, hey, we're about to go raid some kids. Would you like to join us? And I'm like, well, who are you talking about? They want to raid the kids with the walls. And I'm like, oh yeah, those are the kids who stole my shit. Yeah, let's go.

So we pool our resources, all of our explosives, and we go. And we start raiding these kids. We build a base outside their base and we start shooting them and killing them. And they're begging on the inside of the base. They're like, we're going to despawn all our loot. And I'm just like, I don't want your loot. I want you gone. That's what this is about. We don't care if there's anything in there, as long as you're all dead. That's what this is about we don't care if there's anything in there as long as you're all dead that's what this is about and they're just like yeah you were the easiest and first they're denying that they raided us and then they come then they finally like it was an easy raid it was one door

and i'm just like i bet you felt like a bitch didn't you i i i fucking drug the volume bar to the left and continued with my antics and for three hours we killed them over and over and wouldn't let them do anything every time they'd spawn we would try to get back to their base and we would just fucking kill them and we showed all the things we showed those literal children

and it was so satisfying some of it but we were able to get inside in time to get most of my shit back i got my guns back my valuable shit back and uh it was it was worth it just to fucking get them off the server because when you take a loss like that like most people just quit the they quit the server entirely and that's what these kids did they didn't do anything wrong well they didn't do anything that was uh dirty no but they were a local

annoyance and they were liars you got out of play are you saying that lying in rust is inappropriate no it's commonplace but i won't stand for it kyle is the ned stark of rust he is not i believe kyle has a set of rules for kyle and a set of rules for everyone else i try to be friendly with my neighbors and these were neighbors who uh who raided through my door and uh and i was upset about that and i could not allow them to to survive any longer well you were an easy raid i bet you would have i wasn't even on that opportunity too i would absolutely have jumped on that opportunity you were just easy raid i bet you would have i wasn't even on that opportunity too i would absolutely have jumped on that opportunity you were just in a shitty neighborhood i was in a

shitty neighborhood um i was just very upset with my friends but but the thing about it is every time a mistake like that is committed every time someone does something like that we all learn from it like that was a that was a mistake that we all learned from and i guarantee in the future those guys will shut the doors you know it was one of those things where like person a thought person b was going to shut them and person b thought person a was going to shut them and they both logged off is it works the same time doors shut easily right it's a little tedious you got to run through the base and like shut all these doors whereas you could just press alt f4 and go about your day you know in real life um but but goddamn like like not shutting the doors you can lose hours and hours of real world effort like like making these things happen that

i'm talking about like making one of those fucking doors takes a long time of real world earthly time out of your out of your out of your day you know each of these weapons has components that go into it and farming each one of those components takes x amount of time so like losing one means you've lost that time it's really you're gambling time and you're taking time from people when you fight you pvp you raid all that shit but be chills be chills good videos um very good player Very fun to watch. Bit of a troll. Kind of a mean guy. Sometimes a little mean-spirited.

But I dig it. I dig it a lot. I don't care for that. I don't like mean humor. Yeah, I've noticed that. I've noticed that. You're a real sweet guy. A real sweet kid, yeah. We use that clan tag everyone hates talking to someone with bad breath that's humid awful smell that keeps you from focusing on anything other

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you don't want your dick smelling like foul breath no you don't want your dick to smell like whatever that whore ate earlier so that's right absolutely make sure your breath is good use their toothpaste too i don't want to smell onion when i piss no you don't want to smell that nobody wants to smell that that's why that's why i drink a little uh smart mouth too yeah i was gonna say when he pees well what i was saying is you know you know they don't recommend you drink it because it is a mouth which is why i wash my dick out via enema with smart mouth because that takes out the asparagus. Just anal about your pee smell.

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Yep. Don't wait until it's too late. Build your wealth. If you're wealthy, driving a Turo car with great breath, pussy's going to be rolling in, boys. Rolling it. That's what you need. That's how that works. If you had a three and a half inch penis,

well, it's erect, would you take the chance on getting a penis enlargement surgery, or would you just live with what you have? I thought this was an ad read it first. You have an ad voice. I know.

I was like, where's this fucking going? I don't see Blue Chew on the list here. You need to go to bigdicksnow.com. Are there far too many Jews living in your neighborhood and you just don't know the solution? You lost me after three. If I had a three and a half penis, what was the question?

Yeah, is this a... This is a Patreon AMA question. Okay. And essentially what they're saying is if your dick was three and a half inches erect, would you take your chances on getting one of those penis enlargement surgeries or would you just live with it?

That rich guy with the tiny dick that we talked about a few weeks ago, he died during his dick surgery. And now nobody remembers that he was like a billionaire in the business world. They just remember, hey, he's that loser who died with a small dick. I'll answer first. I would say yes. Yes, I would take my chances in one of those penile enlargement surgeries.

Three and a half is pretty small. That's incredibly small. But also, what do they do for a penis enlargement surgery? Are they adding something to your dick? We've talked about this before. Basically, down your thumb by an inch. It's kind of a transplant. You just got a gross ass dick with like a thumb on the end of it.

Well, I put my middle finger there, so technically I'm eight inches. This is grotesque. This is horrible. Why does your dick have knuckles? And a fingernail. Wait till you see me do my come hither thing. Ladies love it. So what they do is

down in your gooch, there's like some tendons or something that are keeping that head there. Yeah, yeah. They unleash things and you get a couple extra inches. You get like 40% more length.

Is that dangerous? Apparently you can die yeah there's a couple different ways there's a penis pump which that's a different thing it is well i think it might add some bulk i mean you're a little bigger on your best day right that just makes you hard right no no it does like unless you're fucking with a pump on so you're thinking of two different things stop what i know about let me jump in though what i know about the penis pump comes from me at like eight years old watching oprah winfrey so you know i'm not an expert so much he was sorry he's like everyone should get one you don't have a backup system you need a backup system brother penis pumps are great kyle brother. Penis pumps are great. Kyle, carry on.

So there's two different things that you may be conflating. One is a penis pump. And that is a thing that it's a cylinder you place over your dick and you squeeze a little pumpy thing. And the idea behind that is it's going to stretch your penis and make it larger. That doesn't work.

That's not what I'm talking about, though. Now, there is also a penile... Oh, that was for ED. No. No. Again, we're conflating the two different things. The other thing is a penile implant. Now, this is basically an inflatable situation that's in placed inside of your dick.

And in your gooch, you have... You ever inflate a football? You know how it's got that little nipple that you stick the... I had a pair of Nike Airs, I remember. You joke? Very similar to Nike Airs or inflating a football or a basketball. You have a little nipple type situation down in your gooch.

You pump it up and it gives you an erection. This has nothing to do with enlargement. It's about erection. So the penile implant is a way to get an erection and the penile penis pump is a a fake way to supposedly make your penis bigger but it doesn't work um the only that works is this surgery that i'm discussing and yes i would get that surgery if i had a three and a half inch penis. Yeah. Three and a half inch. That's like,

that's not workable. Like you're going to have to do something about that. So yeah, Kyle's it's not how I pictured it. I thought it was like maybe in your pubes and you just pushed it much like the Nike airs. Yeah. But no,

this is, I'm looking at a video of it. Penile prosthesis animation sequence. And, yeah, it's kind of like your balls have a little nipple, and he's just pumping it up, and then the dick is like, coo, coo, coo, coo. Yeah. Actually, the dick stops at 90.

I don't know. I feel like they could have done better. They can pump it a few more times. It hurts, though. Isn't that what women who become men with, like, peniplasties get they get the dick on there and then they pump it up with a fake ball no no i'm gonna choose to believe this they do two different things they do a couple different things um some of them will just grow their clitoris until it's uh insertable and some of

them uh get a penis fashioned out of their labia. Even the biggest. We were looking at big clits at one point on the show, or at many points on the show. None of those were like insertable dicks. They look like micro penises. That's exactly what I was going to say. The biggest look like micro penises. But penises.

Just not the ones you dream of. Like the head starts to flare out where you're like, something's up. I don't know what's going on here. So would you guys get the surgery? Yeah, if I got a three and a half inch dick, like definitely. It would depend on my relationship status. Like if I was married and I was convinced my wife thought

that that was a good fit, like that's about the situation where I would not. Yeah, but if you're a single guy and you're running into girls, like it would maybe, maybe they, maybe they do have sex with you because like women aren't all garbage people

who are just going to laugh it and run away. That's kind of a myth. They like, they, they would just have sex with you, but then they wouldn't call you back. And you'd be like, Oh,

I thought we had chemistry and the dinner went well. And this is our fourth date. And like, we've had a good time and I thought we had a connection. But as soon as we had sex, I got the cold shoulder. It give me if i had if i had a three and a half inch dick hard like for unveiling it would be a really anxiety-filled moment like it yeah and yeah i i think it would haunt me all the way pre-unveiling too you know it'd be in my head like ah this is coming up

This is that this is like like yeah, this is on the horizon something I'm gonna be uncomfortable, but also you know it's gonna happen if you have a three and a half inch dick then it's probably narrow and small because like it's it's Short and so it's probably a small around cold and so if it's that small around yeah if you if you don't got much in the girth game going and then you do this surgery is it just making it like a pencil it's longer it's just longer yeah well then that might look just as silly well nothing looks as silly as a three and a half inch skinny dick a six inch skinny dick is much i would much rather have a six inch skinny dick than a three and a half inch skinny dick that's true yeah how much is dick surgery

uh i have no idea i haven't really looked into it too much but let's just say fifteen thousand dollars that's that's a lot of money for a dick oh whatever is it though i guess if like you're spending all your days stressed out about your dick then $15,000 isn't too much. Yeah, peace of mind, buddy. And then maybe it's like a huge step up in life. Alright, so here's another one. If you could take back

one thing you said on PK, what would it be? Can I go first? Go for it. I felt bad when I made fun of Riley for potentially being crippled uh on that drinking episode that made me laugh so hard i say a lot of real like silly things and i and most of the silly things i say i say to make you guys laugh you know like i'll say ridiculous things that i don't agree with and that i would never say my real life because not just because they're crass and offensive but because I don't believe them you know 90% of the ridiculous shit I say

I'm saying because I want I want you guys to laugh I want to entertain some people and that's why I say them and I'm willing to live with 99% of what I say even though it's it's crass and sometimes it makes me look like a shit or an asshole and i'm willing to live with that but i had no idea that i said that about riley until it was shown to me the next day i didn't realize that i had lost memory until someone showed me memories that i didn't have i had drank so much on that drinking episode that i had literally blacked out i had i had i had not the way it works is you get so drunk your brain stops writing memory down and that's what my brain had done i didn't have those memories anymore but thanks to the wonders of technology chiz was like um you know you said x y and z and i was like

no i didn't come on yeah here's a link any timestamps here's a timestamp any timestamps for this link. Here's a timestamped link. And I'm just like, the whole how I would beat a Shetland pony to death with an aluminum baseball bat to fuck his wife. I'll stand behind that. I would beat a Shetland pony to death with an aluminum baseball bat. Even though her nipples are real gross.

You know, I mean, maybe not now. Now that I've seen those big pepperoni pizza nipples you know maybe i don't do it now um by the way i've had a couple tonight i've had a when i stepped away that's fucking funny i had a few drinks um so we might tack that on the list of things i wish i could take back but you know big old nasty pepperoni nipples that i wouldn't suck if you pay me a thousand dollars um000. I stand behind that. I'd beat the Shetland pony to death, the fucker,

when he's trying so hard not to laugh. No, that's not it. I don't like it. I don't approve. I don't want to be associated with this. I'm not sure that you know that this is a temporary situation. She just had a baby. I haven't seen him pre-baby or post-baby. Me neither. Kyle needs a Fo fully image graph line.

Show him to me again, I'll make a new assessment. If you don't like what I'm saying, show me him titties again, I'll make a completely new assessment. What I won't stand behind is what I said about that gentleman who seems like a real fun-loving, adventure-oriented kind of guy who, I don't know what to say just seems like a nice fella um and he'd had that injury and i didn't know he'd had that injury until woody like said it to drunk kyle and i was just like i don't care he's fucking crippled you know maybe a whiner

would like a man who can still walk on two legs you know i and and i regretted saying that if i could take that back i would because that was just that was cruel um you know especially in a time where he he may have not known if he was ever going to have his full mobility again and and and i felt like that was shitty when i watched that back uh and i would take that back so that that's that's mine okay papa john's do you have one on the tip of your tongue woody or oh yeah i mean i've got a couple things i'd take back but if i were to choose one it would not be the robin williams thing i'm gonna double down on that shit uh the real motivation like everyone was making him such a hero after killing himself and i accurately predicted that it would motivate other people

to do the same which is why i took the other side of the issue and some people should kill themselves oh didn't mean to get people to kill themselves my bad and uh and i was right about that and like i want to say the suicide hotlines like exploded after he did i just i think you're right today i was reading that six people committed suicide in the same high school like in the same year and uh not this is separate from robin williams this happened this year but what happens is one person does it and then they get like loved post-death and then it motivates people and uh so that's not the one it would definitely be the thing where like i'd never actually said women are built for rape but that was the misquote uh this guy pwnstar made a video saying i said it that went viral and the

videos about me got way more views than like the video where i actually said it where i where i said what i said anyway yeah and uh it was kind of a take on like men's rights and i specifically said like i was talking about like you know if you talk about non-violent rape like date rape and type stuff then uh the worst of the damage is mental like you don't feel safe with people anymore you don't feel safe in dark alleys you'd like it's really rocked your world but it's not a physical damage and that's when i said something like vaginas were meant for penises or something like safe in dark alleys you'd like it it's really rocked your world but it's not a physical damage and that's when i said something like vaginas were meant for penises or something like that or you know like they were made for penises or something along those lines definitely is very

much against anal rape definitely not built for rape and uh but that became the thing like i was somehow pro-rape and uh um rapists of america do your thing but put it in the right hole i wish that i had phrased that a little better where you know because i i guess what i was saying was like guys beaten badly in dark alleys have a lot of the same like ptsd type problems that women can have like after a date rape like it's suddenly they don't feel safe by themselves they don't feel safe walking to their car they don't feel like but uh no one really saw where i was coming from on that one uh they just they just watched very few allies in the train star hated me for years before that and uh yeah they didn't want to see any other way you know they saw a way to

attack their mind was made up right away yeah well not even that they were they were happy to twist you know what you said into an attack and you know they saw an opening and they they went for it i just i i like that take because women aren't built for rape but but it's a much it's not a as much of a physically traumatic uh thing i agree with your sentiment there maybe not the way you phrased it, but the, the Robin Williams thing, like when it came out that he had that mental illness where he was just like, he had early onset Parkinson's. It was something else. He was, he was basically, he was essentially tortured inside his own mind, you know, like, like, like losing his, his real gift from God. You know, it would be like a, a, a gymnast getting, getting some sort

of muscular dystrophy or something like that. Or, you know, he be like a a gymnast getting getting some sort of muscular dystrophy or something like that or you know he was losing what made him great and he it was it was torturous for him you know like look suicide's bad you know i we can we can go into that in depth but sometimes suicide's the best option here's what it is Suicide's bad. I don't know. I don't think. Wait, wait. Let me finish. You don't believe in euthanasia?

Euthanasia is good. That's what I was about to say. That's a different thing. And Robin Williams was on that border of euthanasia almost. Apparently, his mind was rotting, and it was a bad thing. I railed against Robin Williams, but it's not against the guy. Like, I don't have anything against the guy. I just didn't want a way, like, I wanted not our viewers not to follow in his footsteps.

Yeah. Suicide shouldn't be your first option, but it should be your last option. Oh, I was going to say second option. Let's make the middle of it. That's funny. Your third option is suicide. Okay? No, but seriously, sometimes there are situations where there is no quality.

Excuse me. I did have a few drinks. There is no quality of life left to be had. You know, we can all envision a scenario in which we would no longer wish to live on this earth. Whether that is because we would be such a burden upon our families. Whether we would be in wish to live on this earth, whether that is because we would be such a burden upon our families, whether we would be in such excruciating pain that living another hour would not be of any value to us, and it would just be traumatizing to our families. You don't want your mom, your dad, your wife, your son to see you in it, in that situation where you can no longer be of any value

to them. You can't be that mentor. You can't be that son. You can't be that loved one or friend anymore. You can just be a burden on them because all you do is live in suffering and agony in every day. And that's where euthanasia comes in. And I felt like that's where Robin Williams was, but I definitely understand your sentiment, Woody,ody where like you don't want him to be the poster child for hey making him a having a rough time hang yourself that's not the message or if you do this oh you are going to be remembered so fondly everyone is going to say great things about you. You'll finally get your big win. I just didn't want people to be motivated by it. Yeah, I understand that sentiment. Yeah.

I guess all the listeners are going to disagree because it was one of the most favorite episodes of all time on the show. But I really wish I hadn't been such a fucking cunt to lefty for literally no can you describe your motivations like in my head now you were drunk so you might not have just had anything going i was like i think he wants lefty spot on the show i thought that in my head i could be wrong no literally the motivation was i was really drunk and i was getting a bunch of laughs and drunk me was like you found the easy path to laughs and i just kept

hitting the same button over and over and over which apparently people still like and i just like looking back at that and like re-listening to it later was just like oh this and lefty handled it with a lot of grace even afterwards yeah yeah even afterward he handled it with a lot of grace and like i he'd never done fucking anything to me that guy like we had like no relationship at all like he'd never done anything you know nice or mean like we just we didn't really know each other that well and i just came in hot, mean as fuck. And for a while after that, I was just like, man, I feel really bad. That was, I don't know, it wasn't appropriate. So it was funny.

But yeah, I would not have gone in on Lefty like that if I could go back and not be a drunk retard. Because I don't think he deserved it. Alright. That would be mine. This is a little more light-hearted. This guy works in a pizza place. He works in pizza, he says.

And the last PKA had him wondering, what are your favorite pizza toppings slash pizza place? He works at Little Caesars, which is just a dumpster fire of a pizza place. That's two steps above CC's and I would rather be homeless than go to CC's pizza place. Since we're going to talk, I'll be right

back. Go ahead and answer. I have a prop for mine. Is he going to bring a pizza back and eat it? What could a pizza prop involve? There's a prop. You know what? I'm trying to think.

What I usually order is the works, and it's just simple, and it's fine. I actually like pineapple pizza more than most. People rag on pineapple pizza like it's the worst thing ever. Have these people eaten pineapple pizza? Because it's good. It's really fucking bad. You've eaten it, though. Oh, yeah.

I've had Hawaiian pizza. I've had pineapple on my pizza. I hate it. The sweetness of it and the heat of the pineapple, it's bad. And the thing about the pineapple is you got a pepperoni pizza just as a boilerplate. Most overrated pizza there is. I'm just taking boilerplate example of a pizza. Everything on that pizza comes down to room temperature at the same time pineapple pizza not the case you let a pineapple

pizza sit out that pineapple gets cold as fuck and all the juices in there are not warm any longer if you let it sit out for a little bit and you go back up to grab one also the sweetness sucks i'm not sure i had to agree i'm sure i agree i think the pineapple might be the last warm thing on the pizza. I don't like olives at all, but I'd rather have a triple olive pizza than a pineapple pizza. I hate pineapple pizza. I'm going to get roasted online,

but I think pineapple pizza deserves more love than it gets. I like pineapple, but not with ham. I don't like the Hawaiian situation. I voted on pineapple. I didn't see this coming. If you to throw pineapple on like with some other ingredients i'm okay i could have a slice i it wouldn't i wouldn't order it so my favorite kind of pizza if i'm just getting regular pizza is supreme because i like olives and green onions and or green peppers and onions and all the shit that comes on a supreme pizza my favorite pizza is lou malnati's uh deep dish chicago pizza i prefer chicago style pizza to any other kind of pizza some people say it's not and i'll never

back down off that mountain okay faggot so some people say that it's that it's not real pizza i go through the the effort to order lou malnati's pizza delivered to my house flash frozen from Chicago. Okay, that's what I have here. Turn that to the side so we can see a little girth. There we go. Oh, oh, this baby is thick. Man, that looks like lasagna tin. It's thick as

fuck. This is their pepperoni pizza. I got one of each kind. I got a veggie, I got a cheese, a pepperoni, and a sausage. It shows up like this. They cook it for you that day. They flash freeze it. Then they overnight this bitch to

my house. $25 a pizza plus $35 shipping and handling. It was not a cheap ordeal. I wonder how they flash freeze it. Do they actually have cryogenic chambers in there? Yes. They use liquid nitrogen just like Terminator 2 and then they send that shit right to my house. You can't slow freeze it, otherwise the capillaries burst or something.

The capillaries burst. They use the same technology that Mr. Freeze uses in Batman to make this pizza for me. We've got to get these pizzas out by the night. That's the worst version of Mr. Freeze. Not the Schwarzenegger version. My sights have set a lot lower since being beaten by Batman again. Now I work at Luminati's Pizza.

Flash freezing things to get to Kyle. I can't believe this fucking Georgian guy pays $70 a pizza three times a week. Why don't you order four at a time. That way it's cheaper. And so, uh, there's a, be smart.

There's a back order on these things. It's, it's essentially, it's essentially like two or three times what a normal pizza cost, but it's my favorite pizza. And I haven't had it in like six years. Like last time we were all in Chicago, I think was the last time I had Lou Malnati's pizza or maybe even before because i think we got geno's east last time i didn't want

to go there but everybody was like you know geno's is closer i don't want to drive 40 minutes all right fine we'll eat geno's then i don't get lou malnati's i guess so i had to eat geno's which is still a famous pizza you can also order from the same website i'm not gonna plug them because they're not paying me to but just saying this is my favorite pizza i like the sausage the italian sausage pizza from lumonati's is my favorite pizza in the fucking world i've had like i've been in new york i've been in manhattan and had like everybody's like you you're gonna have this pizza and that pizza and i've eaten their fucking like best new york slice and all that bullshit where you gotta like fold it with your hand and and and greasy as shit new New York pizza is not even good.

I don't like that kind of pizza. It's real thin. It's real greasy. It's often mega hot. Burn yourself bad hot. And it's almost like they give you this like slimy piece of shit. And it's like, yeah, but we make low effort pizza. That's like the New York thing.

I'm like, I don't know. Papa John's makes consistent pizza. That is exactly what you expected when you ordered it. You know, in New York, when you're paying $9 a slice and it's a piece of shit. Because it's not good. It's like, well, if you don't like this, then you don't like pizza. And it's like, no, I just feel like other people have perfected the pizza. And you're still eyeballing it every week yeah i as far as like like a i guess meat lovers would be my favorite

like i like a hamburger italian sausage pepperoni you're a canadian bacon i love it well actually you're right canadian bacon isn't that good on there because it doesn't bite through the same way pepperoni does. If you eat a pepperoni pizza and you bite into the middle of a pepperoni on there, you're going to bite through the pepperoni and the remaining pepperoni is going to be there on the pizza for the next bite. You bite into Canadian bacon, you're pulling that whole piece off.

I wonder if Taylor is judging this pre-sharp teeth. His hair is mashed. You know what? There's no way teeth can penetrate ham. That shit doesn't work. That's so funny. What if I am? You're like a fucking herbivore.

How normal people's teeth work. I may have a predisposition to be biased against that. But as far as like, just like a quick, Oh, I'm having a night in. I don't want to cook. Oh, I'm going to order a pizza. I almost always like, you know, when you eat a hot dog and you just drag the whole human teeth can't penetrate hot dogs Human teeth can't penetrate hot dogs

Everyone knows that right That's the worst That's fucking good I'm just picturing myself eating like hot dog with all the toppings I drag the whole dog out And it slaps on my chest And everything just gets all over the place. But the one I'll get for myself is I like pepperoni with double jalapenos on there.

And so I'll get that. Ooh. Or Italian sausage, double jalapenos. Really any, those are my two favorite kind of meats on pizza. Pepperoni, Italian sausage. And so either of those two with a ton of jalapenos a lot of the time thin crust i like banana peppers i like i like that crispy ass thin crust or hand tossed banana peppers are good banana peppers are great i like those on sandwiches more than pizza i like i like like thick pizza so if i'm ordering

like pizza hut or papa john's i'm gonna get um the the pan pizza like the thickest one they've got and i'm gonna get usually extra cheese i love fucking cheese i want a ton of it on there um i like putting a ton of like crushed red pepper on there to make it a little spicy but i want pepperoni jalapenos and banana peppers those are my my mouth is watering i love banana peppers on sandwiches but i like them on pizza man on, double up on the jalapenos. It's spicier. I do both. I like the tang of the jalapeno peppers,

and I like the bite of the jalapeno. I like it a lot. And I get them on sandwiches, too. Or Subway or a Hoagie or whatever, some sort of hero sandwich. I definitely get banana peppers on there. I eat them by themselves. I love banana peppers. Are all jalapeno peppers the same hotness?

No. It depends on the amount of seeds that are still left in them. If they're unseeded, then they're kind of fucking shitty. What you want are the fresh jalapeno slices that still have a bunch of seeds in them. I've had jalapeno on pizza, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I like this, you know, and I'm not like those other white guys.

I can handle my spice. And then i go and i get a vietnamese soup it's called pho it's spelled pho but it's pronounced pho and that you can like throw in your own peppers they're sliced and like i i eat it and it's served with a spoon so you can't like have a half a bite or something like you're gonna eat a big pepper and it's just like i'm coughing my nose is running they gave me an inch of napkins and i'm running low i'm a mess it's like your eyes just pepper sprayed from this thing and yeah i i made burgers the other day and what i did was i i took a i had a long jalapeno pepper like three inches long and i i split it on one side i cut the the the top off that's got the

stem and then i flattened it out and i scraped everything out of the middle and i i cooked it on a flat cast iron grill and it's just the jalapeno flavor but none of the heat and i put that on top of the burger oh it was incredible it was so good but but the capsaicin is all in the uh in the seeds and in that like white bullshit like in the middle of the jalapeno pepper that white bullshit in the middle tastes gross it's all like gristly so i do is i pull out just the white stuff and i'll like take the seeds off the white stuff and put it back in the pepper like and so it back in the pepper. And so it has a ton of seeds.

I want to show up at this, because there's circles. They give you the whole thing in the middle. They just slice it, I guess, across. And you've got the entire center in there that you're eating. I want to show up with a jalapeno disarmament tool, just a little ring. I core that shit, toss it out, and eat the tasty part.

Yeah, I like the taste of jalapenos but i don't always need all that heat it depends what i'm eating obviously with pizza i don't care i'd be okay with like a lot of heat with pizza because i'm drinking beer or soda or something with it anyway i'm like certainly not water never water dude i drink no water none at all um yeah i don't drink much soda but i do think soda and pizza are a thing together, right? Soda and pizza, soda and beer, like any carbonated beverage goes great with it. If I was Somalian...

Somalian is wine. Yeah, but I was going for the pizza equivalent. If I was a pizza Somalian, then I would pair it with Coca-Cola. I am a pizza Somalian. I cut off the pizza's clitoris and did i enjoy that would be hilarious if like people immigrants or like refugees or whatever are coming in no what's your occupation i am a somalian it's like perfect we needed someone like you at a high-scale gordon ramsay. Somalian guy in rags.

What do you recommend, Mahmoud? I do not even know where I am. Just to be clear, I am the captain now. I am the captain now. I recommend you switch to the Muslim faith before I kill you and your wife. You're having a terrible first day, Mahmoud. What's wrong with you?

One of them ordered pork on their pizza and I could not stand for it. You beheaded three customers. But yeah, those are objectively the best pizza toppings. There's so many more, though, because I like Supreme as long as you don't have olives on there.

I'd like all those olives to be replaced with more mushrooms. Kyle, you hate mushrooms on pizza, right? Or you hate mushrooms all together. No, no, no. Maybe I'm getting you mixed up. The thing about Supreme Pizza is I'm okay with a lot of stuff that I normally

don't like on its own. I really like the mushrooms, the onions, the peppers, everything. There's nothing on pizza I don't care for. Pineapple's my least favorite thing. I've never had anchovies, but I'm always just like, no, no anchovies. They're just salty. That's it. Yeah, I never want that.

I got one more AMA question. All right. And they directed this toward Taylor, but I'm not sure if taylor's been on as many flights as i have or maybe even woody i don't know who among us has been on the most but taylor for some who go for someone who goes through airports as often as you do uh for both work and pleasure do you have any tips or advice to make the experience as painless as possible? Going to an airport? Yeah.

Like, Air travel. I just simplify it. Like, even if I'm going on a work trip, or a vacation for like five days, or some long period of time, I never check a bag.

Everything is always in my two carry-ons. Like, I always do that. And, I shut the fuck up, don't make a scene do what i'm told get through the line that's it like i i don't ask for anything special i don't ask questions where's this where's that you know oh make little comments to the tsa agents no i'm stone-faced trying to get through there so that they can hurry up zap me send my fucking through the pants dick

photo to someone in a remote booth and then they can go this guy doesn't have bombs that's yeah like just don't ask questions do what you're told don't bring a checked bag just all carry-ons and you're good yeah don't play a circle game next to your dick for the tsa scanner you definitely don't want to be giving them the old middle school like it's punch. You know, when I did that when I was in the middle of there and the guy's like, sir, you have to raise your hand above your head. And I was like, aha, I gotcha! And I punched him.

That's how you get anal cavities. That's how he learned not to do that, yeah. So I wear sweatpants and I wear flip-flops. This gets me around the whole belt and shoes debacle. You walk around in an airport in bare feet? Flip flops.

So you don't have to take those off, you're saying? I have to take them off, but I gotta walk like 12 feet. Everybody else has nasty-ass socks and shit on there? How many locker rooms have you showered in? What are you afraid of? Yeah, yeah. I grew up by the beach and went like a decade with no shoes on.

Yeah. I mean, I grew up in the country. We ran around barefoot. My feet used to be like leather. Yes. I would step on glass to impress girls. Didn't work. This guy's a maniac. I used to be able to run on not glass, on sharp gravel.

We all did that as little kids, running around with our bare feet all the time. This is not gravel. I can hardly walk down my driveway because there's a scattered pebble here and there. I'm a tenderfoot. It's only bad if it's an unexpected pebble.

So, yeah, these are my tips. I wear sweatpants, pajama jeans more accurately most of the time, and I wear flip-flops, which I'm wearing right now. You know, they're easy to kick off. You don't have to do that whole sit and tie your shoe thing. I usually try to get away without checking a bag although there is some hassle to dragging a carry-on through the entire airport so sometimes it could be argued that no carry-on and one checked bag is less hassle than than the than the uh the inverse so sometimes

what i'll do you're eliminating that possibility that something could go wrong, where they lose your bag or something like that. I've only seen that happen one time in all my air travel. And here's the thing. When I travel, I bring a full setup. I bring this boom arm. I bring this microphone. I bring my mixer.

I bring that camera and the tripod. I bring a laptop. I bring a surge protector. It's a lot. I bring an extension cord. I bring a 50-foot ethernet cable. All of these things are essential to making sure that wherever I'm staying is going to work for this show. And so that has to be checked. And so what I do is I take my laptop and I wrap it tightly with blue jeans and sweaters and I try to ensure that it's not going to be broken. I've lost $2,000 or $3,000 worth of laptops doing this,

but 40% of the time, there are no issues whatsoever. And hey, you can always just buy a new laptop when you land, right? I've had to twice. They've lost their laptop? Is this your argument that your approach is less stressful? Look, if you've got a little disposable income,

then you can just purchase yourself a laptop in Los Angeles or Colorado or wherever you land at. It's a real fucking nightmare. What they do, Woody, is this. They search my bag for some reason. And when they search it, they unravel my laptop from all of the protective shit that I've wrapped around it. Because when i pack

i literally take like that that um that blackhawks jersey i've got it's real thick yeah i put it in that jersey and then i take the arms and like tie them in a knot and then i take that and like slide it into a pair of like jeans and i take the legs and i do the same thing and i'm like i'm like putting clothes around it in a very protective manner. Then on the inside of my bag, it has those stretchy bungee straps that could click together. I essentially put this thing in

like we used to do this thing in high school. It's packed for moving. No matter what happens, the bottom is full of my socks. The top is full of my shirts. If it slides back and forth, no issues. Then they search it and they throw it back in. Then some baggage slinger

throws it somewhere and it just clang up against the side. Have you seen the Olympic hammer throw? Exactly. They do the shot put thing where they spin in circles three times and then they do that with your bag.

My laptop slides, hits the side of my bag and it often breaks the ports on the side it's real lame um when they do that i i hate them for it but it's what i do and it's what i'm going to continue doing and i'll just keep buying laptops because i'm not dragging that bag and i gotta check all this shit anyway um i put my lap i have a backpack with a laptop slot. I put it in there. And that's awful. Shit. No, I said that's helpful.

I wish I knew that existed. Oh, I think you'd really like it. I would. It's getting expensive. It's padded and stuff. Like, yeah. So I put my laptop in there. Also, it's amongst like my most important

thing so i'll have a backpack with like a shirt some socks underwear and a laptop and uh if i check a bag like again this isn't helpful for everyone first class is really nice the tsa line you got a separate line boarding your plane you can board first last whatever you know they'll always be a spot for your carry-on that's why people want to get on first so that there's still carry-on room left but when your first class like their carry-on is yours everything will be fine your bags come off the airliner first you know they're the first ones that come on the conveyor belt if you can do that that makes things a lot easier good um i also try to get a seat um as as near to the door as possible first class is a pretty

good way to do that that's 120 the cost of a regular seat i only do first class if i'm flying more than three hours uh generally speaking um so but but yeah i try to do that as much as i can try to get like if i can pick a seat i'll always try to get as close to that fucking door as possible to get on and off the plane try to think of anything else um oh print your boarding plat print your boarding pass at home or have it on your phone you know so you can just scan in so you don't have to go through that extra step of going to the little uh little counter or whatever yeah and if you can do pre-pass i mean that's the best way to go i never like me either i i need to i like i do

too i don't know why i never do it's it's always like i always think of it when i see it at the security line oh i should have done that like right now is when you should be doing pre-pass right like when there's no flight in sight but like i never do it the same thing in here in atlanta with like it's called peach pass it lets you get in that like cheat lane and and drive around through traffic i had the paper you don't have that no i had a year that paperwork years ago and i never fucking filled it out it looked complicated i didn't want to deal with it and but but yeah that you got to do that the pre-pass if you're flying more than twice a year you gotta go pre-pass because i need to get that done if you don't know all of us yeah you know we all think first class is about the same if you fly that way they also have like the separate line well you're getting up for security

though this is the security line oh yeah maybe atlanta's different oh well well yeah okay so so there's a slightly different line but in in my experience especially in my experience is 99 atlanta except when i'm returning to atlanta but the pre-pass line is like nothing it's like there's like eight people over there whereas like the um the first class line is like a little better than the regular line but it's not great what I'm used to seeing is the regular line is like a roller coaster it goes back and forth

and back and forth you skip all of that and join them at the metal detector things which is still a small line but you go right to the front and take your shoes off you're there what are you looking at? but you go right to the front and take your shoes off. You're there. What are you looking at?

Taylor's gone. It's just you looking at something. I didn't realize Taylor had gone. Something was sent to me that I will now put away. But yeah, the pre-pass thing is definitely something I should look into. I can think of any more flight tips. It's,

it's always nice to fly with someone if that's an option so that you don't get, I hate having to get set next to fatties. There, there's this Russian roulette thing that you, this game you play when you're flying all by yourself and you're in coach and you see the people coming down the aisle toward you and you're like, please not next to me,

please not next to me. And coach fatties are the worst, but it's not just fatties. Like, I don't think I'd want to not next to me please not next to me and coach fatties are the worst but it's not just fatties like i don't think i'd want to sit next to you you're like six two you're like a full-sized adult you know you're hoping for like some five five girl last time i flew it was perfect i had an old lady to my i like talking to old people like like like i genuinely do um i was in the hospital i think i talked about on the show but i was in the hospital a while back talking to some lady who was in world war ii she was like in china and like the japanese killed like a bunch of her family but they didn't kill her because she was mixed race she was like half something else

and they put like they put like charcoal on her face to mark her so she wouldn't be raped because they didn't want to dirty themselves by raping her. And she had a world. She had all this worldly experience. It was fascinating. It was very fun to talk to this lady. For hours I spoke to her. I like an old person like that on one side of me. And if possible, an attractive young lady on the other side.

But the key thing is i don't want any dudes next to me and i want the people next to me to be little and and i want them to be little like i want them to fit in their fucking seat well and we can talk about who gives the armrest you know there's a whole bill burr uh situation where it's like i got if i'm in the middle i get both armrests and you know the the, and the sides split because of various reasons. Who is it? It's the gun guy, Jim Jeffries, I think. Ah, it's Jim Jeffries, maybe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good call. Middle gets both arm rests, and then the sides get one arm rest each because of a couple of different factors that each seat has its pros and cons. each seat has its pros and cons. But if it's a lady, I always ask, hey, do you care if I take both armrests?

Do you want an armrest? I was like, I can squeeze in. I was just going to put my arm behind you because I'm inspired by Joe Biden. You could just sit. My hands are cold. Maybe you could just sit on one. How do you feel about hair sniffing? Because I'm kind of a...

You mind suckling on my fingers? They're awful chilly. Go, go, go. She's like... She's doing that thing kids do when they don't want their spinach. I can take it. Take it, you poor... Poor Joe Biden. And and and you know if you're gonna be flying any uh

reasonable amount at all you want to be part of some sort of frequent flyer mile situation i've got uh a delta situation where my miles don't expire i think and i've got enough to ask about that because you don't fly as much as you did like when you were making russian videos all the yeah yeah you still get those privileges yeah yeah i've got a bunch of miles stored up and i think i've got a situation where they won't expire so i've got um i think i calculated a while back and uh i can fly to london and back first class with what i've got um that's pretty significant so it's like it's like five thousand dollars worth you know my so go i got eight hundred thousand miles what's that worth i can go to uh san diego and then i'll be there

i go to baltimore but only baltimore lovely aquarium yeah but i've got like um i i don't recall the exact number but i think i think it's over a million it's a bunch i got a bunch of fucking miles because i've just stored them up yeah you must have got them for more than flying then right because like california is like 2500 right since 5000 how many trips to california would it take to get to a million i don't know i've got the card i've got a credit card that gives them to me um and uh oh and i was gonna i was gonna mention this well i've got a credit card that gives me miles um per purchase or something like that maybe two of them so they're like compounding the other thing i was gonna say and and this is you know i guess we're done with the airplane thing but um if i

think we all use amazon prime get a discover card you get um i i do all my amazon purchases on my discover card and then i just pay off the balance every month or whatever but you're earning five percent on every amazon purchase we do that too we get the amazon card and okay is it five percent it is five yeah yeah yeah okay the same difference same difference i don't even know if we have a real one it's literally as far as i know it's just on the amazon account just digital and not used anywhere else yeah yeah i don't i don't use the credit card i don't like the idea of having a credit card balance or anything like that i pay it off like every single month like are you supposed to maintain like a small balance for like credit building or does it not matter i can i like used to do like the whole pay

it off 100 every month yeah one of my friends in finance was like, oh no, don't do that, dude. Make sure you maintain a certain level of balance so that you're getting... I don't know what to believe. I've heard that too. Don't you have a mortgage now? Yeah. I don't think you need to worry about it. If you have a solid mortgage payment record, you're so

golden. I think they changed the Equifax or something like that so that now utility bills even factor into your credit score because i've been getting like like notifications like almost bi-weekly or not bi-weekly but bi-monthly from um my i've got a thing that like watches my credit to like make sure nothing bad is happening and uh and it's like hey your credit score went up again good job and i'm like all i did was pay for power fill what happened i hope it does like so i haven't had any debt in a while um we paid off the apex house it must be seven years ago something like that yeah and uh you know we don't carry a

credit card debt and it's getting to be like am i like a half credit history my dad ran into that my dad was like what my dad was like all of a sudden i didn't have any credit history he was like i thought i'd done a great thing by paying off like 1.8 million dollars of of debt on on this one thing and you know eight v like you know business yeah yeah businesses like like like you know paid off millions of dollars of debt i thought this would just no no no credit no credit history i gotta start building again yeah i actually did um for the truck i got like a discount or something if i took a loan out so But I paid it back in the first payment. It was like a month.

So I don't know. I mean, I guess that's something. But I don't have a lot of credit history anymore, I don't think. Yeah, yeah, that's it. But yeah, I think I keep maybe $100, $200. I'll usually run up like $1,200 or something on the credit card because I use it for gasoline as well. I think I get cash back for that.

And the grocery store as well. I get cash back for that. It's like, yeah, it's 5% of free money. Why not just utilize that? I usually pay the same amount every month. I'll put $1,000 on it or whatever and I ended up with $200 worth of debt. I guess that helps to some extent.

Yeah, if you're on Amazon and you're not using anything, then you're fucking up. You're losing 5% of your money that you could be getting back. It's several hundred dollars over the course of a year. Or free money. Taylor said last ads, but we've done ads, right? Maybe they said that a while ago.

Yeah, I believe we've got all the ads. There is a post roll at the end of the month. Oh, I just wanted to be sure. Do you want to talk about this chick? Yeah, tell me more. Did she tell a lie or what happened? Well, there's... I believe her.

The guy said that... What is he... I want to get his phrasing right again. So he was apparently committing some sort of obscene act. He claims he was only peeing nearby her. It doesn't use the word jerking off, but she pretty much said he's jerking off. If you zoom in on that picture, there's a black box over his dick. I thought it was bathing suit at first, but look like in the upper right here, upper left

I mean to say, it's squared off they put a black like censorship box on him but there's not even like a fleshy colored box usually there's a fleshy color very dark dick you mean you want it's an elaborate ruse you wanted the pixelated one is that what you'd like to see some pixelated cock. Yeah, that would be better. But apparently this guy was looking at this girl and jerking off. So she got up and beat the shit out of him. That's pretty funny. Maybe that guy was on dickflash.com.

He said that... I'm into being humiliated and let me tell you the best story that ever happened to me. I got to get almost to completion in front of a woman and then she punched me repeatedly. I came all over myself on that sandy path.

She looks so... If you scroll down, you see her in sort of fight mode. Yeah. She looks seriously badass. Yeah, she's fit. Not very attractive, though. that is pretty funny i'm glad she punched that guy if he was actually being a piece of shit perv i don't care yeah i mean it is also funny uh at the top i think she looks really attractive maybe a little too strong but

super attractive and fit yeah her body's body's fine. She's just got a real nasty face. She's got a resting bitch face. She looks like a cunt. She's got like a... I don't know. She's got a manly face. She's a piece of shit. I don't agree because it feels mean,

but I have these... Yeah, that's alright. She won't watch this shit. I have thoughts in my head like, yeah, yeah, those really large sunglasses at the top are working for her. Even bigger would be fine. Yeah, I like how it covers 35% of your face. Yeah. Now if you just pull that hat down a little more

and I can fuck your mouth. You know what would look good on you? A balaclava. Oh, if only you were Muslim. You'd look so good in it good in a big trash bag over that fucked head of yours that's been pounded like a like a rump roast for your entire professional career no she's i'm gonna start wearing glasses like that i would look so much better if you could hide the girthiness of my head behind glasses, suddenly I'm looking pretty good.

Maybe. Except for the giant lower half of my head. I'll find glasses for that. You're crazy. So here's something that I know Kyle really wants to talk about, is the Carolina Hurricanes. First time in 10 years they make the playoffs and they surge past the first seed Washington Capitals

into the second round. This is Kyle. This is a very funny time that we all made our brackets like this and that you said you'll take the opposite of me because this is the first time in NHL history that the number one seed has lost every single series. Every division winner, the conference winner, the president's trophy winner,

last year's defending champions, all out. If you just go to Our Hockey, you can scroll over the top Stanley Cup and it'll show the current bracket for what it is. I don't see what you see. Did you see the Reddit link? It says turn off the Reddit redesign.

Oh yeah, you want to turn that off. Reddit redesign sucks dick. I'm looking for it. I haven't done it in a while. Can you see it? reddit i think i got it is it working on your end kyle what am i looking for can you describe it again just uh just click the our hockey link and then scroll over the stanley cup okay in the top banner and it'll show the entire bracket nashville versus dallas kyle chose the opposite of me which is dallas he won tampa bay versus columbus kyle chose the opposite of me he won

with columbus capitals versus hurricanes kyle chose the opposite of me hurricanes win another for kyle islanders versus pittsburgh i chose pittsburgh kyle chose the opposite he won with the Islanders tamper I'm sorry Vegas for San Jose Kyle wins picking the Sharks opposite of me Calgary first avalanche Kyle wins picking the opposite of me the as move on the only ones that I got right where st. Louis and Boston I got two out of eight I got right I am a fucking blithering retard. I'm pretty sure I have St. Louis right, the Hurricanes right, the Islanders right, and the Bruins right.

I don't want to know, but I'm pretty sure that if I had filled out this bracket and one of those, like, everybody pays $100 to get into one of these bullshit bracket things. You'd be killing it. I think I'd have won a substantial amount of monies. You would have won, like, nine grand or something grand where do you need to be to win though like oh well you get points per competitions go is it's but you know do you need to win scores are kept up but you don't have to win the entire thing

it's just who has the best total bracket at the end and based on this kyle got six out of eight correct like and that's that's a lot. Especially when they're all underdogs. He doesn't even have choices going forward, right? Because all he has is opposite of Kyle. So who does he have for Columbus versus Bruins? I'm sorry, opposite of Taylor I meant to say. Oh, yeah.

Who do you got, Kyle, in Columbus versus the Bruins? Oh, yeah. I guess he needs to fill out the next round now. It's not too late. Bruins. Bruins? Okay. who do you got? Carolina versus the Islanders. Carolina is the big

down seat. Okay, this is the Islanders. Who do you got? Avalanche versus Sharks. Sharks. Okay, who do you got? Blues versus Dallas. Dallas. Fuck you. I think in real life, an Avalanche would beat a Shark. Now watch this. I just guessed names.

I guarantee I get the majority here. What was that, four? I get three out of four of those are right. I hope the one you get wrong is St. Louis. I hope it's Carolina. Well, I mean, St. Louis, we're beating... Game one's happening right now,

and I was thinking I'm like you know I could set up a tablet to have it playing the game while I'm doing PK and I was like no you're gonna be a boring piece of shit if you do that so I didn't do that but we're up one to nothing at the end of the first which basically means the series

is over I don't think that's how that works that's how the series with Columbus and i don't think that's how that way that's how uh that's how the series with columbus and tampa went where tampa was the greatest team tied for the greatest team of all time versus columbus in the first half of period one tampa took a three to nothing lead and everybody was like in period one of game one the very beginning of the series tampa scored three real quick everyone was like oh fuck like this is gonna be an even bigger bloodbath than we thought and then columbus surged back and you know that tampa bay is probably not really the greatest team

like like it's the tie by by record but that that doesn't see it by wins right they keep counting it by wins but maybe 10-ish years ago they changed it so that there weren't ties in the regular season anymore. So now there's a lot more wins because teams that would have ended with, or games that would have ended with a lot of ties. I don't know how often ties happen. Maybe every fourth game, every third game.

Like it happened a lot. Yeah, like every fourth or fifth probably. It seems to me that the best way to... Now they all have winners. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't the best way to gauge your team's... Dominance, maybe? Is goals scored versus goals prevented, right?

Because you can have an amazing offense, but if you've got no defense, it doesn't matter. I'm just thinking of baseball terms. Plus minus. Yeah. Like, okay, you're scoring five... You're getting five runs a game, but your pitching staff is garbage.

You're allowing eight a game. Like, who fucking cares what your five, you're getting five runs a game, but your pitching staff is garbage. You're allowing eight a game. Like, who fucking cares what your offense does if your defense is shit? So they do, it's called plus minus in hockey, which means, you know, if I'm on the ice, when we score, I get a plus one as long as it's not a power play. And if they score against us, I get a minus one as long as they're not on a power play and I'm not on the penalty kill. And then the short end is.

Yeah, and the short end and all that. Like they they used to put a lot more stock in that as far as analysis goes. And then in recent years, they've switched to possession based statistics, which is basically like, how long am I holding? It's called a Corsi and they'll have a Corsi rating, which is like, Oh, this player, he may not look that great, but pay attention. Every time he's on the ice, he's got puck possession. He's not a goal scorer. He's not a huge big time name, but he knows how to tie up that puck in the corner and really delay time if you need to. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense because maybe it doesn't matter what your, essentially your kill death ratio is. If you have the ball on your side of the court much more often than the enemy does.

Oh, yeah. If it's always on their end of the court for three quarters of the game, then it doesn't matter if they edge you out a little bit on the scores versus defense sort of ratio because they're not getting nearly as many opportunities. I see that. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, there's people. And then the plus minus like the just net net plus minus on goals doesn't work that great for pure analysis because you'll have knockout all-star players connor mcdavid who's like the next sydney crosby the next generational talent player but he plays for the fucking edmonton Oilers next Claude Giroux some people are saying that's what a lot of people are saying he's definitely not

a real Claude Giroux I love Kyle's little dickish remarks because I was about to sincerely respond to that and Kyle's like oh that guy Claude Giroux this guy if you just go by plus minus you'll see someone like McDavid

and be like, his career plus minus is 49. Yeah, I guess that's pretty good, but generational talent? I don't think so. Meanwhile, Crosby's probably in the hundreds because of how much he has to benefit from his supporting cast. I like to play along. We do hockey talk and stuff like that. I won't say

feign interest because it's genuine interest. I love when someone like Boogie is on the show and you guys start doing hockey or whatever and he's just like Alright, so I got to How late does Domino's order? I think I was right. I do want

those banana peppers. He's completely out of it. That's always great. Well, I appreciate you humoring hockey. Because this really is... I'm genuinely interested. Look, I've said it time and time again. I think it's a stupid fucking sport.

And if it never got played again, I wouldn't care. But I really enjoyed all of the hockey games I've ever been to. I think I've been to three. I went to a couple of Thrashers games. and then you and i went to that avalanche game kovalchuk the player you always name because you remember him yeah and hosa hosa and cove area left their thrashers won some cups in chicago yeah they were both playing they were playing the thrashers at the time uh my roommate had signed pucks from both of them it was it was pretty cool like game pucks um uh they were big fans they had thrashers like banners and flags and they they would stay after the games and try to get shit signed and stuff

like that and i'd just be like let's get on marla i'm not even like that like when the game's over i want to go home i don't want anybody to sign anything i don't want to meet anyone like i i've seen people get struck with pucks in two of the three games i've ever want to go home. I don't want anybody to sign anything. I don't want to meet anyone. I've seen people get struck with pucks in two of the three games I've ever been to. And that's got to be a rarity, right? Like human beings in the crowd getting pucked in the fucking head. It happens less than it used to

because they put that net up after that lady in Columbus died. Remember how a lady got struck at the game we were at? I was at a Hurricanes game and the players were giving away shit, you know, like sticks, even just tape or something. And I'm watching them give stuff to all these kids. I didn't do or say anything,

but in my head, I'm like, dude, you have no idea. I'd appreciate that way more than Bobby over there. I'd put this behind glass. Yeah. Like, I would have loved to have... I've got a Hurricane stick in the... Way more than Bobby over there. I'd put this behind glass. Yeah. I would have loved to have... I've got a hurricane stick in the... I'll put that shit in acrylic.

Give it to me, you fuck. If a player handed me something, I bet... I honestly think 34-year-old Woody would be more excited than these 9-year-olds. Oh, yeah. I remember still to this day when I was maybe 10 years old at a Blues game,

and Tyson Nash flipped me a puck, and I caught it. And I was like, that's super dope. This is awesome. And he wasn't even a good player. He just got in a lot of fights, which at the age of 10 made him cooler. Pretty impressive he was able to flip that puck. I mean, it was terrible in the eyes, but he got it to me. I used to. He wasn't aiming for you.

No, he wasn't for me. They're like, I'm going to flip it to that normal-sized kid next to the Johnny. He didn't even need to put it in the crowd. He was just doing a little stick practice. He was like, oh, oh, and he caught it. And you were like, thank you. And he was like, yeah. Nobody got hurt.

Do you ever stand behind the goal on warm-ups? Have you done that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you done that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've done that before. You may have a different perspective as a goalie. But, like, yeah, I would do that. I'd get to the games early.

I'd stand behind them. And people don't know, before the game, they warm up. They basically just shoot on net, oftentimes on an empty net. And if you're behind there, sort of like up on the glass, they'll hit the puck on the glass. And, my gosh, the difference between that and what happens in beer league hockey is outrageous. Those pucks come zooming at you like flat and hard,

and they barely move their hands, just like a little flick of the wrist. And it's like the whole purpose of the warmup is like, all right, we're going to get our goalie warmed up. We're going to get him feeling his posts, feeling his geometry, and his positioning and everything, getting ready for the game. The whole purpose is me. That's what warm-ups are for.

That used to be on even the elite teams I played for. If kids would come in and try and dangle me on a warm-up, they'd get chewed out by the coach. They're like, do you think this is for you to learn how to dangle? No, you're warming your goalie up. Oh, I was getting my slap shot on you take shots from the slot and so like watching that and seeing their warm-up shots was just like oh my god like these guys are shooting at like 90 miles an hour not even caring being like hey here a softie, and then just firing one.

The reaction time on goalies is insane. So the players are just making circles around their half of the ice, shooting, shooting, shooting. And sometimes the goalie's not ready for a shot. Maybe he's drinking water. Maybe he's filling up all the snow in front of the ice or whatever the hell he's doing. So they'll shoot at the fans against the glass.

And that's a real charge. It's pretty cool. It hits so hard that it's like like against the plexiglass like it's really cool i love hockey i just love the sport like that's why even when the blues get knocked out each and every fucking year i still watch through till the end of it at least a handful of games this year i don't know that there is a runaway favorite right like like the blues and the canes both did really well in the second half of the season which i've been putting all this weight in and then the play the teams that like you know you can't beat like tampa bay

well they're gone they're out you know capitals hurricanes beat them themselves the defending champions the the i don't know there's a bunch of strong teams that are just knocked out now. And, you know, it'll be some underdog's year. Yeah. Here's a graphic for you, Woody. I know Kyle doesn't care as much, but it shows, read it out, all the teams that are eliminated. read it out, all the teams that are eliminated and

the highest seeded team still left in either conference. You can hit the little arrow to go to Eastern and Western Conference. The highest seeded team is number two in Boston and the highest seed in the West is the number three St. Louis. Now it's linking to

my likes. Are you sure about this URL? Oh no, I clicked the wrong thing. My bad. Here you go. My B. to my likes are you sure about this url oh no i clicked the wrong thing my bad there you go my b there you go so yeah in in the east the number one seed's gone the number three seed's gone in the atlantic the number one gone. Number three seed gone in the Metropolitan. Both wildcard teams still alive. In the West, number one and two seed in Central gone.

Number one and three seed gone in Pacific. And both wildcards alive. Like, in the West now, the Blues are the highest seed at number three. Or, I'm sorry, the Sharks are the highest at number two. Yeah. It's crazy. This has never happened in the nhl before everybody's bracket is fucked except for goddamn kyle it really is kyle you should have put fucking money

on on betting against me because you would be looking at a pretty penny right now in the future that is that is yes that is all i'm going to do in life is, hey Taylor, who do you think is going to win this? Our sponsor is Robinhood, who might suggest you put money in the market, but the real bet is against Taylor. I didn't even believe Trump had won after he won. I was like,

no. This isn't real. But I also played that up. That was hilarious that was very funny we've talked about it before but it was just hilarious like just just continually sourcing no i don't believe those three sources on how trump msnbc is saying trump wins now. Do you believe that MSNBC

would say Trump would win if they didn't? I don't know. Six of one, half dozen of another. I'm not sure on this. I just don't know. Anyway, I'm loving the NHL playoffs right now. They're so good. So many upsets. There's so much parody in the NHL. I love that about it.

That's quite enough hockey. I'm sure people are tired of me talking about it. Do basketball for quite enough hockey. I'm sure people are tired of me talking about it. We'll do basketball for just one minute. Sixers move on to the next round. Pretty excited about that. In the East, the first five teams were all pretty good. And then the bottom three teams were terrible.

The Sixers were ranked high enough that they got to face one of those terrible teams. Next round will be a bigger test. I'm looking forward to it. That's all the basketball talk we need all right i got i wish i could contribute i don't know i i got i have a gif we have to watch so we've seen those i'm waiting on it to process it's it's a thing um see if you can pause this yeah yeah all right so after i link it try to pause it so it doesn't get spoiled so we've seen those uh evangelical churches where like like the mega churches where like oh man i'm just gonna scroll up because it's auto playing yeah yeah just try not to let it spoil for you i'm i'm cute at the beginning yeah yeah do that taylor open it and then and then pause no i'm at

the beginning okay so we've seen those evangelical churches where where you get cured of like diseases and and the the the the preacher will like throw like fake slaps at you and stuff like that and like drive the devil out this is sort of a play on that all right ready set play so this preacher has found this woman who was he grabs her by the hair and jerks her head a few times now he has her on his shoulders and and i think he's realizing she's heavier than she looked wham he just threw her onto chairs he just threw her wwe style onto a stack of chairs the fuck but is she better his body slammed this bitch into a whole bunch of fucking real chairs i like to think he did it because she was sleeping and that this has nothing to do with he's like you gonna what oh this became some sort of game right now i'm exiting out but yeah

that that's hilarious that is so much that is so much better than the guy who goes around smacking people with coats all over you remember that one yeah that's a good one yeah i actually i went to uh my uh my girlfriend uh we did our easter with my family and then i went to her easter with her family and part of her easter is going to church and so i was like she's like will you go to church with us and i was like yeah sure i don't care and so i i this i realized it was the first time i'd been to church in 10 years 10 years i hadn't been to church it's the first time i'd gone you heathen you i know i'm a piece of shit and so i we we went to church and everything was fine like it was what i expected from a church pretty pretty boilerplate and so i as i was watching the sermon though i realized like If I were really unethical, I could do that shit easy peasy.

I could so easily rile people up about the word of the Lord. Press those buttons. Are you feeling guilty? Well, I'm not guilting you, but you feel a little guilty now, aren't you? Oh, yeah, like little jabs, little religious things. Does he do it with the enthusiasm you just did? Because I've been to church, and it's boring as all get out no it's terrible even do it with that sort of charisma like i could i could start a church and have christian followers a few weeks from now it

would be easy as shit like all you have to do is be charismatic and bring just enough of god's hammer down while still offering the the promise redemption. Like it would be so fucking easy as it really just came because I haven't been to a church since I was fucking, you know, like late teens and going there was like, Oh my God, now I get it. Now I get the whole fraudulent false prophet kind of pastor person who does

this to make money because it is so fucking easy to do this like it it would be so easy the last time i went to we gave church a chance when hope was little you know and maybe a lot of families do this but let's see what this is all about maybe community whatever and it sucked so hard i've talked about on the show before they worked super hard to get our money i don't know if I talked about the sermons. That guy must have been over 80. And everyone was just in love with this guy. I can't even understand his words.

He can hardly pronounce things. I don't think he's making complete points. I don't know if he's planned this before he got there. Or just went up and sort of winged it with English sounding sounds laced together into nonsense. I never got anything from it. I just knew they were taking attendance

and we weren't into it. The guy was awful. And I'm looking around like am I the only one that sees this? This guy doesn't speak. This guy has no charisma i didn't learn any lessons you know if he at least made me feel warm about the experience like yeah you know what church is my weekly weekly like soul filler back up or hour you know like if that

happened maybe i'd be into it but no no it was like this fucking corrupt fuck can't speak all they do is ask for like direct deposit transfer numbers this is not the organization i want to be part of oh yeah and even like having not been to church in 10 years like as he was given the sermon on easter and all, I was just like, oh yeah, I know what he's going to say next. I know the plan. I know what you're going to say. Do you have direct deposit? You're coming in next.

Can your financial institution find a way into my pocket? I am taxed exempt. That's what he does in the 360s with his hands their taxes Democrats would get smashed but I would vote for this policy if they were like you know what churches are for-profit businesses they sell bullshit for cash you can tax that I'd be all I'd be so on board or and the whole reason they don't do it is because they're like as to what can be considered a church because if this little organization here could be considered a church then then keep keep it up you this ties in to something i literally i wrote down on my topic sheet for the evening is that the satanic church just achieved tax exemption read

that on the US government and if they can do it why can't we why can't we make the case that we're preaching our own do you believe that Kyle would like another car that Taylor wants his mortgage paid off? Do you believe it? There's no early payoff penalty. That's right. No penalty. Can you feel the power? Can you feel the no early payment penalty?

Can you feel it? That's because it ain't there. Can you feel my financial security improving with every dollar you drop in that plate? Can you feel it? I can feel it. Do you feel it, sir? Are you feeling the that plate can you feel it i can feel it do you feel it sir are you feeling the ordinary are you feeling the law today that's the way you would do it to manipulate especially is you would call out individual people put them on the spot they'll either have to fake it or not fake every dollar you give is two more in your pocket that's right come right back every dollar you give you get a bottle of holy water

now you pour that holy water all over your bills and you throw those bills away because those collectors they ain't coming no this is this is literally a thing one i think it was like some uh something pop off or pop off was his last. He was this scam artist piece of fucking shit who took advantage of people who just wanted a better life for themselves. And he would sell people holy water. And then he would have testimonials where it was someone like, I ordered Jimmy Popoff's holy water and all my bills disappeared. They started sending me checks in the mail instead.

All my power's free now. And like literally that level of lies and duplicitousness with these pastors. Like what these people do isn't just not Christian. It's fucking evil. Those pastors out there, if Christianity is real, guess what? You're burning in the lowest depths of hell.

The lowest depths. you're a false prophet you're a piece of human shit that's how i feel about anyone policemen that rape and like do bad shit too like like luckily all this shit's made up so buy kyle's miracle water today it may say dasani but it's got the word of the Lord Pepperoni nipples so large and disgusting you can't Miracle to Sonny on them big old nasty nipples and they'll shrink down and be sexy. I'm not part of that I have nothing to do with that. That's right. What is not attached to the big pepperoni nipples? Dick hard I have nothing to do with that. That's right. What is not attached to the big pepperoni nipples? You have a three and a half inch dick hard. Well, then why don't you try fucking a bottle of this sunny holy water?

Your dick will get so big it'll get stuck in the bottle, so pull it out quick. Oh, Lord, I feel the dick growing energy inside The lord your god Jesus Christ Had the biggest penis the world has ever seen Your dick Would get stuck in the bottle If it worked You'd have a real problem on your end That's how you know it worked

That's part of the joke That's right That's how you know it works. Well, that's part of the joke. That's right. That's right. I want to keep doing pastor voice. Oh, your dick will be so big and your nipples so tiny, you won't believe your eyes. Does your bitch have some big ass nipples?

Put your hand up. Put your hand up if your bitch has some big ass nipples. I see a lot of hands. I see a lot of hands in the house tonight. You want some Desani holy water? Get those nipples. Put your hand up. Put your hand up if your bitch has a big nipple. I see a lot of hands. I see a lot of hands in the house tonight. You want some Desani holy water? Get those nipples little. Say, Lord, give me those little nipples. Lord, give me those little nipples. Give them to me, Lord.

Itty bitty nipples. Itty bitty nipples. Give them to me, Lord. Ghost nipples. Itty bitty ghost nipples. Ghost nipples in the house, Lord. I feel the power of the Holy Ghost. No, these are holy ghost nipples. That's so dumb. I don't care if it hurts your feelings. Let's get Woody's dad on the show.

About our interpretation of this epistemology. It would be neat. I wish we could do that. You're probably thinking that because his position is ridiculous, according to me, that you'd bowl him over in any kind of debate, but you wouldn't. He's really smart. And he knows everything about the Bible.

Like the, he, uh, Oh, I bet. Yeah. No doubt. I don't think all my little tongue in cheek things,

he would beat me in a theological discussion 10 times out of 10. Like I know more than the average bear about the Bible since I've read it twice, but like he's, it's his hobby reading it. Like it's hard to know how many times he's read it. And then he like, he'll read it.

And then he'll like, it's like, he just loves watching other people's interpretations of it and compare and contrast. And you know, he goes to Bible study three times a week. You know why? Can't find a fourth.

He just loves it. That's a quote. I didn't make that up. That's what he told me. That's awesome. I wish that I bought into it. I bet his nipples are pinpricks. Oh my god. Tiny little ghost nipples.

You can't even see them. Refrigerator filled with Dasani. Son, your mama's nipples refrigerator filled with Dasani your mama's nipples disappeared in 1987 you wouldn't even believe where they were when you started they covered half of their titty

I'm sorry I apologize that's funny wouldn't it be kind of comforting to be able to believe that? It seems like that's the best way to live out the end of your days. Belief isn't a choice, so you can't choose to believe

something. I thought that when I was at church. They say faith is a gift. Faith is the gift, yeah. Given the gift of faith, which seems to make the playing field not very fair. Just being able to believe be would make you so much happier you'd go into the you'd go into death happier you'd believe that every little thing you were doing taylor it really

i'm not saying it's real i'm saying that that oh no no i'm following you 100 percent couldn't you say the same thing about being retarded, though? Like, what if your life's... What if the thing that made you happiest in life was another bag of gummy bears? Well, I mean, being retarded would be pretty cool, then. But you can't buy your own gummy bears. That's true. Well, I mean, you're already working at the grocery store.

You could. I'm just saying. Like, sure. I guess I wish I believed. Yeah, it would be way better to just put that off and believe it's coming. I just wish it were true. Rapture and everything. I just wish it were true.

Because if it were true, I feel like God would ever occasionally come down and be like, Whoa, ISIS, you're going to kill 250 people on Easter? Lightning bolt. Almost 100 Easter? Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! And we'd be like, did y'all see Jesus come down with that burning sword and kill all of those terrorists? Yeah, it was nutty. I saw

it on CNN. I'm going to church Sunday. I don't know about you. Yeah, in the Game of Thrones universe, the Fire God's the only one actually doing shit. That's the only one actually doing shit That's the right one I guess Well, I mean, Bran's got something to do with those trees

In this universe, no gods are doing anything So we don't know which one Yeah, for all I know, Poseidon is up to something I mean, I see a lot of ships sinking I see a lot of hurricanes and tsunamis That's real For all I know, Poseidon's the real one Beating the god of sea would suck because

all the people are on land. Yeah, they better stay there too, those non-believers. I think being the god of sea would suck because there's no internet connectivity underwater. That's where the internet cables are! Maybe there's a way

to tap into that. Poseidon's got the fastest internet in the world. Tap directly into it. I always, like, when I was younger, I always thought, like, man, it would be cool if instead of, like, Jesus and shit, that, like, the Roman or the Greek gods

were still the really popular ones. Because they were at least interesting. They were almost, like, an incestuous friends cast. You know because they were at least interesting they were almost like an incestuous friends cast you know they were just you know that they were they were all about you know uh fucking each other having kids fucking their kids zeus actually they fucked a lot of regular people and made demigods oh yeah that's how they made hercules i think that's the story to guardians of the galaxy uh kind of zeus would uh would take on the form of animals sometimes and fuck bitches and so they would act that out in the in the gladiatorial arena there were these guys they

were called like bestiaries or something like that and their job would be to like train the animals to fuck chicks so they take like the estrus from like a a giraffe and heat and they'd take the estrus from a giraffe in heat and they'd smear it all over some very unfortunate woman and the giraffe would come and fuck them to death. Whoever made up that religion had a kink, I'm pretty sure. Look at Taylor's Frozen in that picture. Let's all do the phase. All right, they got it. I love it.

Yeah, it was fun before. Taylor, can you hear us? I don't think you can hear us. I like this better. Confused face. I feel like,

he kind of looks like a dad right here trying to figure something out. Am I crazy in this line of thinking? Yeah, no, no. I'm with you. I'm with you. Taylor, are you back yet? No. Concentrating Taylor is super interesting.

Yeah. Yeah. I was watching a whole thing about the gladiatorial arenas and the various. I'm stuck on Taylor. I'm so injured. If I was Taylor's monitor at work, this is what I'd see all day. Yeah.

Just frustration. What the heck? I love that we can see him, but he can't see us. It's like a two-way mirror. I can't even hear him now. He's saying something, maybe. He's saying things maybe look at him look at him saying stuff like we can hear him and we can't i still feel like if we're

taylor's monitor at work this is what we see yeah you ever get the feeling that taylor is very rage filled and and you know he he laughs things off a lot but i can't hear that yeah this is great this is great you can't hear us i feel like taylor i feel like taylor is like always on the verge of like a real physical confrontation don't take his parking spot holy shit no no he'll fucking pick you up like a sack of taters bear hug you until the car is in place can you hear me yes we can hear you okay what the fuck happened there i don't know i like black out of i don't know we've been mocking you for a good 90 seconds no i heard a lot of it

you fucking pricks it was so funny because you're like concentrating and like yeah this is this is what i was i was not happy nothing happened it just my whole screen went black and my webcam said it turned off apparently not and then it may have because you're uh you were frozen for a long time yeah yeah and it just mocked that opening screen yeah do i look fat-headed and ridiculous no No, you look angry. You're wide-eyed. I'm sorry I disappointed you. How far did you get into what I was saying about the bestiaries or whatever they were called? I lost you at the word bestiary. As I was about to Google what that meant, I lost you.

I'm not sure if that's the correct term anyway because I watched this video a month ago. But they would take the estrus from a giraffe in heat and they'd smear it all over some poor lady. Then the giraffe would come in and fuck her to death. Jesus Christ. Yeah. For fun? Yeah, for fun. Now you got me Googling how big a giraffe penis is.

This is a deadly weapon? Dude, it's got to be enormous. It's a giant animal. I've seen the neck. And then they would do this thing where I want to say that... It's got little feet. So I want to say so i want to say in greek mythology that prometheus is the one who gave fire to man and as a punishment for that the gods made it so that like a falcon would come down or maybe a raven some bird would come down

every day eat his liver out of his body uh and then he would the next day he'd wake up with a new liver like groundhog day except there's birds eating your liver and uh and so they would have they had a bird train to do that so they tie some poor fucker up and the bird would come down and they cut him open and the bird would eat his liver and uh so they do stuff like that like they would do stuff from their mythology but they would have it acted out in the in the arena uh for the fans to watch you I think people in South America... I just found out how big a giraffe penis is. Well, share it. 40 inches. 4-0 inches.

Yeah, to death. Yeah, that would kill... That's not good. Yeah, they'd do it with all kinds of animals. It's like a sword. Yeah, they'd have bulls. Yeah, that's pretty big. All the wild animals. They'd just get a little estrus and rub it on some poor unfortunate lady who

wronged them in some way you're talking about like people doing like they they're reenacting their their mythology and shit yeah in some areas in south america maybe even Mexico. No, it is Mexico because Carl Pilkington went there. They will reenact the crucifixion of Christ where they'll actually put nails through people's hands and through their feet. Yeah, I've seen it. Or maybe they don't do it through their feet because that would cripple you. No, they do it. Okay, well, then maybe they do that too. But they do really thin nails.

It's almost like a needle. They look very thin, and they're sterilized and stuff. Yeah, I've seen that. That's fucked up. To me, after you've seen like those Indian like pain dances and the hooks and the flesh and shit like that, like that seems tame. Like if I had to pick between getting crucified

with like something the size of like smaller than a pin. You know when you take an ink pen apart and you've got the ink cartridge? Like if you're nailing something like that through each of my hands versus those hooks and suspending me i'll take the crucifixion i worry about my hands there's a lot of little things in there you need an expert to do that yeah and these people were not experts they were mexicans dressed as roman soldiers hey give me the hammer jose i mean punches yeah i mean flavius why did we go with jesus in this whole thing you know white people in the u.s should start naming their kids jesus

what's held us back? Common sense. I mean, like, they're doing all right. Well, okay. Yeah. Maybe that's why so many areas in South America have such high crime, like Honduras, because they named kids Jesus, and Jesus is like, fuck them. Maybe so.

I wouldn't like that, but it wouldn't bother me if you named your kid Woody. As a matter of fact taylor i think you should girl or boy woody's a spectacular name this is my little girl woody yeah she'll love it it won't cause any problems she'll be fine yeah this bestiary thing that that's a real thing i'm gonna have to read this wikipedia is that what they were called did i get the name right i think bestiary yeah i think that maybe that's yeah i thought that's what i said yeah i i watched the video like a month ago or something like that about like the horrors of the uh the roman arenas and stuff like that um but it's not the way we thought it was like people thought like oh they send the gladiators in and then it's not the way we thought it was. People thought, oh, they send the gladiators in,

and then they die within a couple months. Some of the biggest celebrities in ancient Rome were the gladiators. Incredibly well paid. They literally had olive oil sponsorship deals. One of the things that they were going to put in the movie Gladiator was that Russell Crowe got a sponsorship deal like that for olive oil but they were like like bertoli they thought it yeah they thought it would be unbelievable that the that the audience would laugh at the idea of of of him getting a sponsored deal but no it was a real thing that you just got a shield and there's

a picture of a guy with like a chef hat going making pizza yeah yeah that's that that's literally a thing that would happen and some of them had outrageous records and you got to imagine that like they've always been outliers no i'm gonna say there's always been outliers that that sometimes there's just a guy who's better than everyone else genetically speaking and and someone who trains harder than everyone else we see it in every every major sport so why wouldn't you see it in the gladiatorial arena is so old i wonder if fighting back then they were discovering new things it in every major sport, so why wouldn't you see it in the gladiatorial arena? Well, they would set people up the same way as professional wrestling. I wonder if fighting back then, they were discovering new things.

Like, for example, right now, bare-knuckle boxing is sort of making a comeback. And they're finding that some of the bare-knuckle boxing that they did in the 1800s, those guys had good stances. It kind of made some sense. They're protecting their body. Headshots aren't as great as they might be if you have protective gloves on yeah and

i don't know i think it's so old that we've we've learned forgotten learned forgotten like repeatedly you know it's one of those things like like making a fire or carving a piece of stone that like we probably knew how to do it 15 000 years ago and then we forgot about it for 5 000 years and then we learned it again and forgot it again and like if you asked me to carve a fucking stone i wouldn't know where to start but but like things like the uh the original olympics the wrestling um originally allowed finger breaking and they had to make a rule against finger breaking because like Flavius the Knucklecracker became like an eight time world champion because he would get someone in a lock and then he'd start fucking breaking them as fast as he could. I am Flavius the Knuckle. Until they fucking tapped out with what was left of their hands. How am I supposed to win without the denacle move?

It's the only way I know. This is how ancient Romans are saw. Chael Sonnen will tell you this. He's like, you get into MMA, there's not a lot of rules. So the first thing you want to do is find the things that were against the rules in other sports, and those are the good ones.

So he's like, you can't choke in wrestling. Choking is good stuff. You can't do this. You can't chicken wing a guy. Well, turns out chicken winging is great in MMA. All the things that you can't do. Dirty boxing. Dirty boxing, yeah.

What is dirty boxing? All the stuff that's been outlawed in every other major sport, even in combat sports. It's like, like yeah there's a reason they don't let them do it over there in wrestling boxing taekwondo judo jiu-jitsu it's because it's real effective and it kind of makes the rest of the sport irrelevant if you can suddenly like eye gouging and things no no i'm looking it up like i hear it all the time and i'm like do do I actually know this?

Blues Up, 2-1 over the Stars, second period. That won't last long. Probably not, dude. I'm no stranger to this. Yeah, it's really interesting. I love mixed martial arts as a sport. There's a lot of good fights coming this year. I'm very excited about that. If I just went to some classes and learned to fight,

I would like it more. Well, obviously, the welterweight division has a lot to suss out. But in the lightweight division, most of all, I guess I want to see who Khabib fights when he finally comes back. I hope they give him Poirier because that's the right thing to do. They said they do. What else would you worry? Like Conor again? I hope they give him Poirier because that's the right thing to do. They said they do. What else would you worry?

Like Conor again? If Conor comes back and he says he'll fight Khabib in Abu Dhabi or wherever the fuck, then that's probably just what the fuck they'll do. Okay. I hadn't heard that. It's a money-making enterprise, you know. I wouldn't be surprised if they – yeah, it's prize fighting. And Dana White is the master and commander of that thing seemingly so somehow nate ds is always in the mix yeah you i you know we'll see what they

actually do but i think what they should do is tony deserves a fight but dustin poirier deserves a fight too and khabib deserves whatever fight uh can... Anybody. He deserves the number one contender, which I think is Poirier now, or Tony. I think it should be Poirier because Tony's been... So Poirier is the interim champ. So in theory, he's guaranteed to get the other champ.

Yeah. But, you know, sometimes theories go wrong in UFC. But I think the way it's ranked currently is Tony Ferguson, Conor McGregor, and then maybe Poirier. sometimes theories go wrong in ufc but i think the way it's ranked currently is tony ferguson conor mcgregor and then maybe poirier but the right thing to do and the thing that i would like them to do so the sport is as legit as it can possibly be from my standpoint is poirier gets khabib and conor should fight tony if they'll if if he'll have it i'd love to see that fight tony's been calling him mcnuggets for a while the lamest

insult forever i don't even fucking get it i guess he's calling him a chicken like like mixing mcgregor with like a chicken or something like that even though like i have the rankings in front of me i don't know what you said but it's khabib poirier ferguson mcgregor okay i didn't know poirier hit i think the interim thing thing. Put him right there. They supersede the actual rankings or. Yeah. I don't know. But in any case, that's how it should go down. I feel like Khabib should fight Poirier and Conor should fight Tony.

And then the winners from those should fight each other. And then I don't give a fuck what Kevin Lee does. I think he's going up in weight class. And then I don't give a fuck what Kevin Lee does. I think he's going up in weight class. Al Iaquinta deserves maybe the loser from Ferguson McGregor. I could see this. I could see Conor Al Iaquinta, Khabib versus Poirier,

and then Ferguson gets the winner of Khabib-Poirier. Ferguson needs to get back on his bike as far as I'm concerned. I want to see Ferguson fight some more. His last fight, I think he fought Pettis and he just annihilated Pettis. He went back and forth. Ferguson came back so fast from that knee injury. Yeah. He should be good now

physically. God knows where he is mentally. I worry about that. I like to see Ferguson work. He's old too. Yeah, he's old too. Yeah, he's not a spring chicken or anything. I'm guessing he's 34. Let me look, make sure I'm right. He's 35.

Actually, he was older in my mind. I thought he was like 37. Yeah, he doesn't have a very youthful face. He's very hollowed out looking. Yeah. His wife dropped the restraining order against him, so that's got to be a good sign yeah it seems like they're working that out and it implies he's not crazy anymore yeah in my

mind not so much that she's they're working it out but that she's not afraid of him anymore yeah that's what i was getting at yeah yeah yeah you know oh no we're not together but i don't think he'll kidnap our son again he hasn't looked he hasn't looked for the cia in the walls in weeks whenever you get a new champ that division gets interesting again right like um woodley ruled 170 for ages and it just became like who are you even interested in really him fighting and like what's going on suddenly Usman is champ Woodley's got to go in there and mix it up with someone Colby Covington's in there in the wings and there's like there's enough cooking that George Masvidal Ben Askren Kamaru Usman Tyrone Woodley Colby Covington there's so many interesting things going on there I don't think Jorge masvidal was all that

interesting when woodley was champ you know like you yeah i i there's a lot going on there i think jorge fights ben askren next yeah i think ben wins that i think ben wins that i hope he does too they've told jorge that he's getting a title shot if he wins that i think they told them both that cool oh i'd love ben askren to be the champion of the division. Yeah, I think whoever wins that fight gets a title shot. And so Usman versus Covington, that's next. That's the champion interim champion. Finally.

Yeah, he's had a belt forever. I think he got stripped as interim champ, but he doesn't agree that he was stripped. Recognize that. So he just carries the belt around in front of him. It's great. So Usman versus Covington, and then

Jorge versus Askren for the winner of Usman versus Covington. And I think that's what you want. I love that. New chance makes things so great. Yeah, Usman is a beast, and Askren is just... I mean, they call him Funky Ben Askren for a reason. It's just so

weird, his fighting style. That death grip he puts on. You've seen him crush the melons, I'm, they call him Funky Ben Askren for a reason. It's just so weird, his fighting style. That death grip he puts on. You've seen him crush the melons, I'm sure. I want to try it. I want to try it. There's been a few other people, like that cyborg, that woman we talk about. Yeah, yeah. She's like, that video must be fake.

She can't do anything to a watermelon. I didn't know watermelons were so uncrushable. And he crushes, I want to say he crushes two at once, but he kind of gets one then the other. But yeah, he was doing that to prove that he squeezes unusually hard and that it was a good stoppage. He does, yes.

Have you ever tried to crush a watermelon? I've punched them. I've punched watermelons and I've also punched pigs, like dead pigs. Like a whole dead pig both of them are very hard materials the pig how did the pig come up by the way just things when you kill a pig you want to punch it well you know we've all seen rocky

you know he's hitting the side of sure sure and and paulie's like you're breaking the ribs you know so we we had this whole pig and we were gonna um we we we cooked it in the flamethrower video that I did forever ago. But we bought two pigs and the idea was we'd cook one in the ground like southern style and then we'd flamethrower the other. And it was going to be this whole thing. And I bought those pigs like from some Amish people and they were whole slaughtered pigs. And it was just in the back of my truck, you know, thrown up there. And I was just like, you know, just pop it a few times. It's hard to keep your wrist straight.

Like my wrist was buckling and it was like, ah, fuck. I could I would break my hand hitting something like this. If I if I were if I if I were fighting a pig like it wouldn't work. Yeah, it was it was very hard and bony. Yeah, I'm not sure i have much hitting heart like when you do boxing if i wrap my wrist like i had reps even on the first day yeah you know yeah i immediately show me how to do this my wrist immediately did that and it hurt real bad and i was like and then and then i was like well let's try and drop an elbow on this this piggy good Good thinking. Also hurts.

Also hurts. Really? Also hurts your elbow. It hurts real bad. They're bony as fuck, you know. Yeah, it is an animal. It's got bones. It's an animal.

I've told the story so many times. But I kicked a heavy bag that had a hard spot. Yeah. Fuck. Oh, my. Yeah. And I was trying to show off. I thought I was good at kicking.

And I kicked it so hard. I wanted it to fold and everyone to see. That's not how it went down at all. I wanted to wrap it with, like, danger tape or something. Like, that thing, it's not a heavy bag. You know those things when you fill up your gas, they have those yellow cylinders to stop you from running? A pylon, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, it's filled with concrete, like metal filled with concrete. It was like kicking

that and it just damaged my leg. It was horrible. Everyone else at the gym acted like, yeah, the baggage got a hard spot. I blew that pig up. I stuffed it with explosives, like the extra one and I shot it with an elephant gun and blew it up and

pork fat was raining from the sky and these drizzles and all we found was the snout i swear like all we found was the snout and so i put the snout in the grill of my truck because i thought they were going to make me look like a bitch like i was gonna be grossed out by a pig snout in the grill of my truck and i went there and bit it and like ripped it out with my bare teeth. You showed them. I showed them. You didn't. Bitch, no.

That's not how you looked. You did this gross thing to me. Watch me make it gross. I ain't no bitch. That's how I handle that. When someone's trying to gross me out with a thing, I take it to the 10th level. We were filming that thing with Epic Mealtime that time we had those nasty whores

at my house yeah and i think one i think they had a bug or something and like uh it was this weird so they fucked them with a condom on and i'm no bitch no like the girls were like squealing or something and being loud and interrupting the shoot. And I was like, what's going on? What is it? And there was this big crickety thing. It was a weird bug I'd never seen before. And they were like, oh, it's gross.

It's gross. It's right here on the couch with us. And I just went. And I fucking ate it. I've never eaten a bug in my life. But I knew that shut those crazy bitches up. When I put that, it was disgusting. but I knew that shut those crazy bitches up. It was disgusting. That showed them that they were the irrational ones.

They learned right then and there that they were in danger. But not for the bugs. Yes, absolutely. That chick had some big nipples. I can't disagree. So we're past post-roll? Yes, we have a bit of a post-roll.

I've still got this cough. I need to hope I get over this soon. Sorry, baby. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling a little pressure here. A little tender? I'm so sorry about that. Well, maybe you can rub it later.

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