Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #437

Episode Date: May 10, 2019

On this week's PKA, our good friend Tucker is back and he's joining the fellas for a chaotic and off the rails drinking episode where... Tucker goes pretty ham on. Before getting too smashed they talk about the Battle of Winterfell in The Long Night episode of Game of Thrones and Kyle brings joy to all of our hearts during the episode with his... patent pending nipple rating system.

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All right. It's a drinking episode. So I want to explain the shot glass thing. It's well known I don't know shit about drinking, right? I don't. So I thought a shot was a unit of measurement and that all shot glasses were the same size. Well, apparently I Googled it and that there are different size shot glasses. The ones I used last time were taller and narrower.

So in my head, they were the same. And I was ready to break them out and show everyone how wrong they were. The real unit of measurement is the jigger. That triangle thing. Yeah, Jesus, Taylor. We haven't even started drinking yet. So anyway, I looked at them next to each other. There was no way that I had full size shot glasses before

I just didn't know what I was doing So I texted my wife who was at Target And I'm like you gotta come home with shot glasses And she says ah we have them already And I'm like no no no it's important I can't break out the same ones I did before Which were cool music played every time I lifted the bottle But um

She's like we have them at home Everything is fine And I trusted her so i present to you my lilo and stitch shot glasses hell yeah are those four i don't they were in hope's room you think it's for yeah they're for the baby we watch your wife and pedophiles are the only people that's for the ironic college student that wants the quirky and childhood... I'm so random kind of thing. Well, we did get...

That's not nice. We got them from Hope's Room. Anyway, I have full-sized shot glasses that everyone should be happy with. So 1.5 ounces is a full US shot, but that everyone should be so 1.5 ounces is what your is is a full u.s shot but the just the jigger is one ounce oh well then i was wrong from the start i thought a jigger was one point i thought a jigger was like an exact shot maybe there's two there's two sides i'm trying so hard not to make a lot of jokes right now it's tough man

so all right before we get more than a couple minutes in Everybody raise your glasses, let's get this first shot going Hang on, now there's a thing After the last drinking episode Someone called to give me drinking, not called But wrote me to give me drinking advice And wow They're like, Woody, one of the problems Is your attitude, you're like scared of this

To begin And they're right, me, at the start of a drinking episode Is like a normal person about to jump off a bridge. This is fun, but I'm scared. So I'm trying not to do that. And pre-show, all they're telling me is that my alcohol is too old and I'm fucked

and it's syrupy. We were giving you shit. It's going to be fine. It's alcohol. It's going to be good to go. It's going to taste like ass, though. Cheers, boys. The first of many. Yeah. Fuck that smooth. Oh, that's so good.

I love it. Daddy loves the Stolichnaya. That's my favorite thing. Just straight vodka. It is Tito's. I'm having Tito's. Kyle's having some fancy-ass tequila. Yeah, man. I'm over there drinking Stoli. And boy, with the Grand Gala. If you're out there and you like tequila, I've some fancy ass tequila. Yeah, man. Over there drinking Stoli. So if you're out there with the Grand Gala,

if you're out there and you like tequila, I've been on a tequila kick lately. I tried a Heredura, I think. And then I tried this really fancy blue agave shit that was 90 bucks a bottle. But this cenote stuff, C-E-N-O-T-E tequila,

is really good. And the bottle is fucking sick. Put the cap in. It's so cold, it's literally hurting my hand a lot right now, so I'm trying to do this quickly. I'm glad that you freeze it too, though. Everything's got to go in the freezer.

I had enough time to get my Tito's slightly below room temperature. I didn't know if i was supposed to do that no you're not you're not supposed to with liqueur right because yeah you want that cold it's going to condense and be syrup yep well then i'm all set because it's hot as balls in here um but kyle is that a gold tequila i've always thought the gold tequilas were disgusting but maybe it is it is uh it is one of the gold tequilas. I promise you,

it doesn't taste like alcohol to me. And that's it. Like vodka, I'm like, that is alcohol. But this, it's like, this just tastes like tequila. And it's not fucking candy, alright? Like I've got San Pellegrino over here.

This is candy. Does that have any booze in it or that? No, no, it's like 20% juice, 80% water. And it's carbonated. It's just something to stay hydrated with.

Well, damn it. I'm going to be sipping on a vodka water as you guys are non-alcoholic. Thank you. It's a, is that a, is that a, I've already preached you my,

my love for vodka waters, right? We've already been over this stuff. Right. So I'm glad that you're on the train. I started Googling vodka waters and it was like a vodka water sales pitch it's the most popular drink in las vegas it turns out yeah you just get some cheap ass uh like lacroix off-brand lacroix shit and i pour that in there with it no no no no no no it's just vodka and water from yeah that's just

water it's just no no no all right well you liquid. No. No. No. No combinations. It's just I am a purist. Oh, it doesn't. Do you use tap water, Tucker? Because I'm not impressed. I literally tap water and vodka. Tap water. Such pushback. Oh, my God.

If you're not making it with distilled water. That's all the flavor you need. It comes. Like, if I could go to, like, my school and get, like, the, like, copper-tasting water from the school water fountains. Honestly, a personal favorite of mine. That was some of the best-tasting water ever, because you'd come in from the track or whatever and be thirsty as fuck,

and it would always be cold as it could be and just glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. I'd drink so much of that water. That and the hose water. Hose water has a very distinctive taste to it. You give me hose water, you put hose water in a glass, and to it. You give me hose water. You put hose water in a glass. Right?

You're getting rubber. You're getting all of your rubber. All of your rubber. It's just been sitting there in the sun baking. And so you're like, all right, great. Let me just have all these carcinogens washed down my throat. Game of Thrones talk? You're just talking about the...

Oh, go ahead. Yeah. Does anyone want to set the table on Game of Thrones? I kind of don't want to go first. Yeah, I'll go first. So I liked the episode. I didn't... I liked parts of it and I didn't like parts of it.

It wasn't a complete bomb and it definitely wasn't an amazing success. Everybody says it's too dark. I think that the reason it's... And it was too dark. But the thing was... It was fucking dark. I think that the reason it's, and it was too dark, but the thing was- Way too fucking dark. Well, the thing is, streaming you get these artifacts and that makes darkness really bad.

So streaming dark scenes is bad inherently. I think it'll be better on the Blu-ray or the 4K Blu-ray when that comes out. Also, it depends on what kind of TV you got. You know, if you've got an OLED, you're're gonna have much better blacks i got the same one as you uh i think i have that right yeah i do i think 75 inch oled uh yeah i don't know all the letters yeah something like that yeah it looked pretty good on my tv on my first watching but i still thought it was too dark and so my second viewing, I went through the settings and I didn't manually just turn up brightness, but I put it on like

home cinema mode and it went whoop. And I was like, oh shit. It helped a lot. It really did. But that wasn't why it was hard to see things. It was hard to see things because they went full Jason Bourne with fast cuts. There were a lot of cuts. Think back on the episode and try to remember if you ever saw a single white. Okay. What I mean by that is, oh, look, there's one of them and he's coming and he's going to fight now and he's fighting. You didn't see any of that. You just saw like this horde, this almost liquid mass of them, like from World War Z moving. and I didn't care for that very much. It seemed like our heroes for literally 25 minutes had zombies on them chewing on them, and that's not an exaggeration. I felt like they were literally being chewed upon for 20 minutes

while the bigger plot pieces fell into place. When John left Sam to die, I thought we all agreed he was going to die. That he was finally like, look, I've got bigger fish to fry. I love you, bro, but you gotta die. I kind of wish you'd said that. Bigger fish to fry! Yeah, but it turns out Sam lives. And that happened like three different times. Sam was crying.

It happened with Sam three times. It happened with Brienne a couple of times. It happened with Jamie a couple of times. I'm probably missing some. Okay. Now look, I can get over that. Everybody had those death pools going. But going into it, they were like, look at this list of people who are definitely going to die

and probably going to die. And I was like, I don't think that many people are going to die. I really don't. I don't think we're going to lose any more main characters. I think that the big switcheroo happened early on in the show when we thought that Robb Stark was going to be the guy and that Ned Stark was going to be the guy.

And then it just turned out they weren't. Back when G.R.R. Martin was writing it. Yeah. Well, we don't know if this is G.R.R. Martin's ending as well. But in any case, I didn't mind all that so much. I didn't mind Arya being the...

By the way, we're spoiling the shit out of this. Anybody who's listening. Anyone who doesn't think we're going to spoil it is... They've already skipped. You haven't been paying attention. Before the next words came out of my mouth, I really wanted to say it, though, because it would really hurt me if I didn't know this, and then I was... I think Kyle was the one who told me this without me watching it.

I didn't mind Arya killing the Night King. I'm fine with that. Honestly, I really am. But I've been waiting for like six years now for Jon Snow to have a sword fight with the Night King. Win or lose. And there was a moment where they made it seem like it might happen. Jon's like running up behind him on the battlefield. And it reminded me a little bit of that part in Battle of the Bastards when he makes eye contact with Ramsay Bolton. And the music's like, that violin

music's like, na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na. And Ramsay's like, let's get the fuck out of here! And Jon's like, oh no you don't, I'm gonna chase your horse down. Because I can do that. What I wanted to happen was for Bran to be sitting there, like that guy with the fucked up mouth in Breaking Bad, and then

the Night King reaches to kill him, but then he's like a ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. He's got that greed fire shit. That would have been so much cooler. Dude, a glass bomb. Here's what I wanted. You know in Lord of the Rings,

I'm sorry, Taylor. You know in Lord of the Rings when they're like, that was me, they're counting numbers? There's a scene towards the end where Jon Snow is getting pinned down by the dragon. And he rushes at him. And the dragon pins him down with fire. And he rushes at him again. And the dragon pins him down with fire.

And then he gets up close. And does he stab him? Nay, nay. He yells at him. He goes, ah! And the dragon dies. I wish he had said, that was me. That was me.

You're all welcome. At the very least, it really would have been funny if he was like, did I do that? And then he'd like, I wish he looked at another monster and gone,

like maybe a human character and he'd go, ah! What the fuck, John? Oh, nothing. It was a perilous fight. I'm sorry. Vion really redeemed himself.

Don't tell Jon the scream isn't what killed them. It's giving him a lot of confidence. So it was definitely lit poorly. And I get that you cannot use the excuse that, well, this is the long night. It's dark in the long night and then the in the long night we have darkness that's easily fixed by and this night was shorter than the average night. It really was. That's fixed really easily by coming up with reasons to light the scene. All right, thefire. Oh, well, turns out Bran thought it'd be a good idea to light a lot of bonfires.

So it's bright as shit in the long night as long as we're right here. Turns out there's dragons overhead the whole... I wish the dragons had been overhead doing loop-de-loops the whole time and we didn't even focus on them that much. They were just lighting the scene for us. It could have just been lit. They could have just lit it.

I wouldn't have questioned anything. I wish there was a guy in the corner with a big light. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't have just been lit. It could have just lit it. I wouldn't have questioned anything. I was the guy in the corner with a big light. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't have said a word. That castle should be darker. I was thinking we could light it prior to the battle. No, we're going to light it at the last possible second. But I had no problem with Arya killing the Night King the way she did.

She did it probably in the only way he could have been killed. She stabbed him right where he would. If you go back to the original scene where we saw the night king being made that's where the child of the forest which i guess is the singular for children of the forest took the uh dragonglass dagger and slowly pushed it into that human man that the night king was once before that's the spot and so she put that in there and of course that's her like technique that she's been working on for like years now it worked on brienne of toth uh you know back when they had their little duel uh about a season and a half ago and if you go even further back there's a scene where melisandre is is looking

at ari and she's like you have a darkness in you you will close many eyes and she does the whole brown eyes blue eyes green eyes talk to her i was skeptical about that i know she did that talk but i feel like they never even had that what's retcon what does that term mean like retroactively changing what initially happened because like the the the green eyes was the big thing like at the time it's like oh cersei they're gonna kill cersei like the blue eyes was just not like nobody you can read it out Cersei. Yeah, I interpret it the same way Taylor does. I think they decided last year to make it Arya. Yeah, that was season three when that happened

and the directors themselves who were writing it said they didn't decide until three years ago that Arya was going to do it. So they're taking a little prophecy there and kind of retconning it to make it make sense. Well, it's not retconning when they write the show, though. They're like, hey, we wrote this, so let's continue continue writing it i get what you're saying regardless like the the thing i didn't like the scene i disliked the most was the fan service like with liana mormont and the giant

the giant doing the one thing that makes no sense at all like i'm gonna slaughter everyone haphazardly and then bring this person within eye distance and just kind of look at him for a minute. He had one eye and he brought it to that one. I don't care who killed the giant as much, but Tormund was right there. And Tormund Giantsbane, it's kind of an understood thing. In the books, he was called Tormund Talltalker.

He spins a lot of yarns and tells a lot of tall tales. And, oh, I fucked a bear bear once and all that kind of shit if he had actually and killed the giant it would have kind of fulfilled that a little i thought that would have been neat what if he had picked up the little girl and slung her at the giant hilarious right if he had if she was all crippled and she's like toss me you have to toss me i cannot chop the distance you know what i wanted to see is when uh when when when jorah was dying after trying to save uh danny from from all the whites and everything if he was just like khalishi i've served you for so many years can you please as i'm dying just just touch it

so many years. Can you please, as I'm dying, just touch it? Just once, Kaleishi. I don't know, sure. Please just touch it, just once. Take me out to a nice stroking. You've fucked that other guy so many times. You can't toss me a pity touch. Kaleishi, I've seen six cunts. Cocks enter your cunt

since I met you. Since you've been a girl. Kaleishi, please. Just a tug. They need to get Taylor on staff, because I met you. Since you've been a girl. Kaleishi, please. Just a tug. Like this. They need to get Taylor on staff because I like that. She just pet him gently as he faded away. That'd be wonderful. As he's laying there and she's like showing

her tits. You hear like a ding on his bottom armor. Oh, that would be great. Then he gets up a ding on his bottom armor. Oh, that would be great. Then he gets up and he's like, turns out it wasn't so bad. I think I want to pull through it.

Yeah. I had a lot of red sauce on my pasta for dinner last night. It's coming up. Oh yeah, the battle shit that I didn't like was, and Woody, tons of credit for you pointing this out and hitting this point hard with the plot armor stuff i don't think i can count how many times it was like oh the night king just raised up not just a couple people but thousands of people surrounding john then it quick cuts to someone else and a minute later you cut back to john he's

finishing off like two last guys when it's like it's already been established that one of these guys took almost uh old bear mormont and john out in that room until ghost saved them granted they weren't expecting it at the time and they didn't know how to kill him and that one that one also didn't have a sword or weapon or anything he's also got like the one hit like sword now so it's almost like he can just tippy tap them and then they just die. He's in insta-kill mode, Taylor. He is in insta-kill mode, but it doesn't matter.

They already showed that insta-kill mode doesn't matter. I've died in insta-kill mode before. I get cocky. And that was the shitty thing about Arya killing the Night King. It wasn't it in fact. It was just the fact that it wasn't just six other White Walkers standing behind the Night King. It was tens of thousands.

A dense-ass packed Woodstock-looking crowd of whites surrounding the entire area. She has sneak 100. She's sneaky. That's such a funny little like, oh, but have you not noticed that she snuck around a library? That was another scene that didn't make any goddamn sense because like it went from all these fast ass runners and everything they're piling over walls and then it cuts to aria sneaking around a library and it looks like a scene in

walking dead when it's like okay it's been established these guys are here they're more just meandering about at this point as opposed to like charging after people so that seemed disjointed to me like i don't know why the library whites were interested in higher learning i guess and sam should have fucking died yes uh brianne should have died many times should have died i'm glad jorah died. I wish Bran had died. Who else did I want to die? After Daenerys and Jon's showing in the battle, which was just pissing, patting around up in the clouds for most of it,

leaving their guys to die, they could have died for all I care. This isn't going to work for this young audience, but there was a TV show. When I was a kid, it was popular Dukes of Hazzards, right? Everyone's heard of it at least and into leading into commercial the car would jump a ramp and it would be hopeless right any moron

can see that its trajectory is screwed it has a big boys are gonna get out of this one exactly and then they come back from commercial and the car is landing on all four tires it's undamaged everything's cool that boys done it again. That happened to Brianne. That happened to Sam. That happened to Tormund. That happened to Jamie many times. I almost bought that car one time. The Dukes of Hazzard car.

Yeah, it was like $45,000. I saw the guy at the gas station. With the big ass wing on it. Not only that. Is it like the Dukes of Hazzard car? Was it a painted one used in the show? So they destroyed like 100, 200 cars in the show. So there is no Dukes of Hazzard car. But it was the model and it was the exact paint job.

The problem was, and this is why I didn't get it. It had that enormous rebel flag on the roof. Just like in the show. Like if you don't remember, the entire roof of the car is a rebel flag and i was just like man that's a sick fucking car he's like well it's for sale he's like i like yours and i was he was like i could probably do a trade you know and you need you give me four thousand dollars and we're just doing a swapperoo here and i was like that's actually pretty tempting and my car was brand new at the time and but I was like, oh, so the whole roof

is a hate crime. Okay. Honestly, I'm intent to sell because I've had to replace four or five garage doors now because the local doesn't care. I'm saying this because I shamely want credit for saying it. I think it's time for a shot.

Let's do it. Hey, good on you. Yeah, good job. Win the early battles. Win the early battles. You're not wrong. I poured this so high. All right. Yeah.

Let's say we've been kind of negative on it so i want to get tucker's take you haven't jumped in very much i literally have never watched game of thrones all right never mind so you understand why i mean it's not that here's the thing i think that um one of the one of the things that comes with territory of streaming is i get everything spoiled for me hundreds of times like somehow miraculously avengers end game did not get spoiled for me i did see it the day it came out but then you know subsequently there was no way to stop spoilers coming out every single day after that like there's only so much you can do with a chat filter so um uh so with with uh game of Thrones, I was having it spoiled pretty regularly before I was even interested in starting it. It was like season two and like red wedding came around and all this shit.

And I was like, well, I'm just going to wait at this point until the series is done or at least close to being done. And then I'll just marathon the whole thing. So like, I like the idea of having it all ready and, you know, not having to do the slow waiting game. Um, and you know, also if, if this season is not going so great, or I know that I've seen some people that are not exactly thrilled with it, maybe it gets the Naruto treatment where people go,

you watch this episode, this episode from 45 minutes onward, and then you just skip all the bullshit. I have this thing that I've coined as the Star Wars effect, where it's a movie that I think is actually good. It just didn't live up to that best movie ever made impacts culture for the next hundred years. Kind of super movie that you want Star Wars to be. And I feel like that's where the last game of Thrones came out.

They hyped it as the best battle scene in cinematic history. And it might be the longest. Dude, which was the long shot battle. Was that might be the longest. Dude, which was the long shot battle? Was that Battle of the Bastards that followed John? That is the best battle in this series far and away in my opinion. I agree. Same director.

So by the way, same director for Hardhome, Battle of the Bastards, and this episode. And that's why I had such high hopes going into it. I don't understand. Of those three, this is the worst one, I think. It's the worst one. It's the worst one, especially as far as the battle goes. I gotta say, they really needed to stop with all the fast

cuts. The fast cuts were my biggest complaint. And look, if you're gonna let the main characters survive, I'm okay with that, but don't throw them into the pits of hell and have them sit there in the lava for 15 minutes. And then cut away.

It's really unfortunate they unlocked fast travel in the middle of the battle because it'd be like showing Jorah in the castle fighting off hordes of them like, I don't think we're going to last much longer. And then it would be five minutes later, somehow he got through the tens of thousands and he's saving Dany.

I like Kyle's description of the characters being in lava for 15 minutes. I at least need to see them climb out of the lava. I can't just be like, hey, last time I saw you you were drowning in lava and now you're in a library or something. All they had to do to make it feel better was be like, look guys,

there's a reason these are our favorite characters. These are the most elite fighters in the world, so make them look like that. I need a scene where Brienne is, there should be no point where she's in, where she's screaming in fear or in danger. She should never get knocked down.

She should look like that, that sword fighting scene from the princess bride, where it's just backflips and shit. Brienne could do backflips and armor. She can now. Wait, she's got blade gauntlets now. Sure. You know who they did well? I um as a mass the unsullied the unsullied did what i expected of them which is to say they weren't in indomitable perfect warriors but their courage

didn't really break they maybe showed fear but you know they stayed their ground they died new people replaced them they They were effective, but not dumbly effective. They were organized. Thank you. They were what the Unsullied was supposed to be. The Dothraki? We've been counting them as a major piece on this chessboard for eight years

now, and they died in an open field in 15 seconds. As somebody who has played a lot of Total War, that battle pissed me off because you never send in a giant charge into the dark of light cavalry and

then just leave them in there. It's like, you don't do that. Those guys are supposed to go into the edges, picking things off. Why are your siege weapons only behind your cavalry, which then runs away? You get one shot with your trebuchet. Why would you have those siege weapons? Those are for anti-buildings, not anti-infantry. I was watching CNN

today, and he was like, here are a couple indefensible points. And he mentioned, like, a Trump thing, a Democrat thing, and that Jon Snow is terrible at battle planning. And I'm like, huh, that's funny. Now that is real news.

Does it not annoy you you guys at least a little bit as like fans of the franchise that personally like deus ex machina stuff where it's like ah this sudden act of god even the battlefields that's fine when you're like open and upfront about it like i can accept it but it does not annoy you that like this was built up to be something like you said like a major enemy force for years and years and years and then all of a sudden it's like well that was you you don't even get like a footer in the wikipedia page you were on screen for 10 minutes or 10 seconds i didn't like how like the deus ex machina or whatever where somebody comes out at the last

second to save you that's what was so like enthralling about early game of thrones is that that is not a thing. When you're watching season one and Ned gets his head cut off, up until the point that he gets his head cut off, you're like, the king's going to call it off, something's going to happen, someone's going to storm in and do it. Actually, stop. You've learned your lesson, Lord Stark.

You think that's going to happen, and then when that doesn't happen over and over and over and over in the first four seasons, five seasons, whatever, you get to establish that as a reality. This is a world where you're not going to get saved. Honor and an inflexible moral code wasn't good for living.

It killed Ned. I don't want to say it killed Rob. Rob got killed because he didn't marry that girl. A flexible moral code got Rob killed. You're right. I want to say no no no what got robbed was so if rob had had a more flexible moral code he wouldn't have chopped off that umber guy's head when he killed the lannister boys and the loss of them weakened his his his battle situation thus that he kind of had to seek help with the Freys and he was much less defended when the

Red Wedding came along so if he had just been like oh so you killed they were just boys and the Umber guy would be like yeah they were real easy to kill and he'd be like alright then I guess they were Lannisters lunch they would have killed us you know but instead he was like

by the way the actor who plays one of those boys those like, by the way, the actor who plays one of those boys, those Lannister boys, is the same actor who plays Tommen. They killed him twice in the show. Interesting. In the book they needed the phrase because of a bridge, if I recall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I liked that a lot of our characters even you liked were not necessarily good guys. You know, Theon comes to mind. Jaime comes to mind. And the people who were super good got killed. Tyrion comes to mind.

If I'm saying it right, I think. And, like, just Dany. Dany was rough to like sometimes. You know, she crucified lots of owners. They needed it. Well, I mean, but then she would just abandon the cities and it's, I mean, it is pretty funny that it's like 10 minutes into this battle

all the people that Danny had brought back with her were dead and all those cities she had wrought havoc on just still burning in Essos. And so that was interesting to see she's doing the best she can all right she's like is she even she's like 12 okay i mean she's got to be 14 by now i expect more i really like that theon's character had theon's character story

has been amazing one of the best if this were a smaller show and it was just the tale of Theon and everything else was in the background, you'd be like, have you watched the tale of Theon? It is legit. Dude, I hated him for three seasons and he's the main star of the show. It's all about him. And then for a whole season, he was just getting chopped up and cut on and then he became a hero again. And then he was just getting chopped up and cut on and and and then he became a hero again and then he was a coward again and then he became the greatest hero who probably saved the whole world by by the end by delaying the night king by just that little bit longer so that aria can jump out with that fucking valyrian dagger same dagger of course that that was sent to kill uh

bran earlier in the in season one who's the one-eyed guy who's the season one. Who's the one-eyed guy? Who's the new Hodor? Hodor. The one-eyed guy? You guys know who I'm talking about. You just don't know his name either, right? He got resurrected many times. Oh, Beric Dondarrion.

Yeah, yeah. And he like, I don't know why he did it this way, but he just put his arms across the door and held back all the wights like Hodor and let himself die. And it kind of like fulfilled the prophecy like you know the lord of light brought him back all these times to do something great and that turned out to be the great thing but the whole thing about like the prince that was promised and such and

like it wasn't john or danny supposed to kill the night king and like there's no more azura's eye like that's not that thing? That whole thing. There was so much fan theory around. Fan theories are just falling left and right. I particularly, I got a lot wrong. I was very excited about Bran being Bran the Builder and going back in time and Bran being the Night King. I know, well, you were right.

But I was excited about that kind of depth and trickery. All the fan theories died. What if next episode begins, and John wakes up from a fever dream, and it was the whole last episode? Well, my goodness, we won, but that went pretty... No, no, no. They're like, Lord Snow,

the army of the dead is here, and he's like, what the fuck? He just wakes up and relives the whole thing. I'll change my mind. Light the dead is here. And he's like, what the fuck? It just turns into Groundhog Day. He just wakes up and relives the whole thing. I'll change my mind. Light the trench right away. And you know what? Why did we put the trebuchets in the front? It's just dumb.

Put the trebuchets in the castle. That way they'll last much, much longer. You know, one of the funniest parts of it was, is like in the beginning of the episode, first of all, Melisandre just rides from where the army of the dead was somehow and just shows up and like they have all the dothraki there with their regular ass steel weapons getting ready to charge them in and it's not until she shows up and is like oogity boogity and lights up their swords that then they have an actual chance to kill some and it's like, you were really...

You were just going to charge them in knowing that they can't do anything? That was the plan initially until the Red Woman showed up? You can't beat the Dothraki in an open field. Apparently you can buttfuck them in five seconds in an open field. Well, when you saw... Yes. At first I was like, what did they run into out there?

You didn't know. It did the job, didn't it? It was like, they did they run into out there? You know, like you didn't know. It did the job, didn't it? It was like, they just went into the abyss. And when they lit this, I'm going to call them swords, curved swords. Yeah, yeah. The hope that I got, it was like, yeah, you know what? We're in this thing. Because the whole last episode was an hour of we're going to die,

might as well get laid, right? And then the Dothraki they light the swords and we're like you know what it could happen it could happen here's a little hope and then i had a lot of hope later the hope is gone like all right you got me you couldn't really see what they had ridden into yeah and it reminded me of that anime that we watched a while back where like i don't remember exactly what the deal is but it's basically the one where modern the modern japanese military is fighting like feudal japanese military wait what is that called and and i don't know and the the the feudal troops can't wrap their heads around why they keep losing they're like i don't know we uh we charged in you know on our horses

and everything big spears We had the big ones. And everybody, just everybody died. 50,000 of us. And he's like, this cannot be. Need another charge. And they go again. And you look at the enemy and the modern Japanese military is over there with like helicopters with miniguns. It's like the end of The Last Samurai, like magnified by 10.

Isn't that what is happening where the feudal people are like, Quieter! We must be very sneaky! And then it shows the modern Japanese guys with night vision, like, Yeah, there's about 900 of them. Sneaky, it looks like. How far away are they? Half a mile? Okay, just get it over with. Look at it. Look at Dave. They're crouch walking.

We must be being quiet. I want to watch that one. I haven't watched it yet, but it has my attention. But look, I know there are a lot of people who hate it. I've seen the YouTube videos where everybody's like, this ruined the series, etc, etc. It wasn't everything that I'd hoped for, but I'm going to

still rank it 4 out of 5. En 5 enormous pepperoni nipples Jesus Christ Everybody has to take a shot Oh no 4 out of 5 enormous pepperoni nipples Wait hold on you didn't go over the rules for shots You're not allowed to know the rules

because otherwise you might avoid them but for people that don't know Taylor made a list of things that we do characteristically and if you do them we all drink and one of them is pepperoni nips yeah well it was nipple size but i'm counting wow that's actually shocking the fact that like well i'm good what no honestly great wonderful good not great it was only 14 minutes ago that's yeah i'm not i don't think it was a four out of five by any means i'd give it like a five out of ten i don't think that it

was very good i i was really hoping a lot more main characters would die because that's kind of the the basis of the show like really it was just the number of main characters that didn't die and it didn't it wasn going to be honest Taylor when I reached in the bag I came out with four and you know how pepperoni peels four came out and it fit really well

how good was this episode? well let me pull out my fucking how many roadies you got on the slab right here? there's only one way to tell you actually do have a container of pepperoni yeah fucking... How many roadies you got on the slab right here? There's only one way to tell. You actually do have a container of pepperoni here, Steve. Wait, is that real pepperoni you have on that sheet? Of course it's real pepperoni. You thought I

drew pepperoni on a sheet of paper? Yeah, I mean, it looks like a red circle from where I'm sitting. No, it looks like... No, I'm fucking eating it as I go. I have been the whole show. Okay, well tell me when it's gonna be three out of five, and then we'll be closer. Eat one off of it. Alright, now we're closer to the

same rate. Six out of ten. Yeah, it's funny. I was going to give it six out of ten. I try not to be... We'll drink in a second, I swear. I try not to be that guy that like crosses his arms and says, I wasn't impressed. Because if you do that, then you don't enjoy stuff. Everyone can do that.

That's kind of where I find myself. Also, I watch it on a Mac, like a laptop, a 2016 MacBook Pro. To me, I thought that would be a really good monitor. It's a high-quality display, but it turned out not to be good. You don't want the TV, buddy. It's hard to normalize lighting

and shit when everybody's using different panels different types of screens and stuff yeah yeah I it's really honestly like the fact that I don't remember was Kyle or what even said it that it was pumped up as like this is gonna be the best battle of all time that set my expectations super high if I had gone into it thinking and they're like yep gonna be a big battle it wouldn't have been as disappointing but I was like in my head comparing it to Battle of the Bastards, which, go back and watch Battle of the Bastards if you don't remember how great that battle was.

So where are we so far? Kyle and Tucker just took a shot. I have not. Yeah. Hold on. Damn, that's good. That was like a... She swallows. That's the worst.

That's the load, you know worst one the load you know share the load I was like there's still more in my tongue have you seen that combined gif that would be a hilarious gay porn parody if Sam and Frodo are blowing fucking Saruman or something and then Frodo gets like

it come in his mouth and then Sam goes share the load and then they snowball oh fuck yeah. Have you not seen this combined gif? Hold on. Copy, emit, here we go. Look, this is for the culture. Oh, why would it... Mr. Frodo, you can't take that entire cock in your ass!

The one cock ring to rue them all. You will do as you're told, young hobbit. You're not meant to be taking talks of any sort. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, that's a good show. That's a good vibe gif. That's a really good one.

Let me ask you this, Taylor. How do you compare Battle of the Bastards with the Battle of Helm's Deep? Battle of Helm's deep is, I think, one of the top two battles in cinema history. I know, that's why I brought those two up. The film of it, well, number one is Helm's deep, number two is Osgiliath,

number three would be Battle of the Bastards. What's Osgiliath? I'm sorry, not Osgiliath, Minas Tirith. That's the big battle at the end of the third movie in Lord of the Rings. And the reason that the battles in Lord of the Rings are so good, especially Helm's Deep, you can look at Helm's Deep for this, is at no point in Helm's Deep is Aragorn swarmed by Uruk-hai, and then it cuts away to Gimli and cuts back to Aragorn and he's wiping the last bit of blood off his sword. There's a ton of

continuity. You'll see legolas looking down seeing the uruk-hai start to form that brigade marching up the the slope to helms deep and then in real time you look over at aragorn he's fighting and you can see those same people coming up like in the in the distance through the hole that had been made in the the door and then you have legolas like passing the message on getting it to then legolas gets all the archers aimed in that exact area. Like, there's a lot of continuity to it. It doesn't... You don't kill a bunch of Uruk-hai

and then you look back and there's a ton of them. The amount of bad guys is really good. It's just structured so well. And I'm not at all biased. Counterpoint. I forget how it happens, but Gimli falls or gets tossed or something wrong happens and he gets surrounded by orcs. And they all kind of briefly mourn his death.

And then later he comes back and he's like, 174! Like he had just killed all of them off camera. Are you talking about when the nobody tosses a dwarf? No. Don't they successfully toss him there?

He literally goes, nobody tosses a dwarf. Nobody tosses a dwarf! And then Aragorn grabs him and throws him, and then he lands there and does a big axe swing to kind of make a little room, and then Aragorn jumps over and joins him. Actually, I think you're wrong about this. They were in the mines of Moria, and that's when

he told them that no one tosses a dwarf. That's when he almost fell, and they had to grab him by his beard and pull him back. But then at the murder gate, he says, You have to toss me i can't make the distance oh yeah but at first he's like come on we can take him and eric horn goes it's a long way there's a scene i think it might be helms deep where um gimli and uh legolas are counting who can get the most kills and gimli falls into a sea of orcs and they all assume that he's dead and then he comes back and his number has increased by like 70 um yeah but i think that the joke i mean i could be wrong but i thought that that was

kind of like a joke like he just managed to escape and then he walked in on like listen was like yeah i killed every one of those or every one of those orcs i thought it was kind of like an in-character huh okay i didn't take it as a joke i need to see it again it's been a long time it has been a minute you know what i watched last night for me too but man that battle of helms deep is so so would you rank that as number one as well kyle is that why you brought that um yeah helms deep's number one for me and then battle of the bastards you brought that up? Yeah, Helm's Deep's number one for me, and then Battle of the Bastards, and then I really like some of the Braveheart battles. I couldn't pick one. Oh, the final Braveheart

battle was... Well, the final one's lame. That's the one where... Yeah, fuck you, Tucker. Yeah, jeez, Tucker. Actually, Tucker, you're a dumb retard. They can't get rid of them! They can't get rid of freedom! The best one is when they pull up all those pikes, and they impale

the huge cavalry charge and then they just mop up the English. That's the best battle in Braveheart. It's very good. I like the first one. It's not even a... It's not even a battle. It's where they ride into that town where his wife has had her throat slit. They're riding in.

I wish they had played... I want to remix that. Are we on the same page? I like the one where they're gonna fuck his wife because like kings get to do that and they kind of scrappy escape and kill some people and make that not happen no well well that's not what happened um what happened there was just some ruffians in the village that were just gonna rape her because raping is what they do and uh and and william wallace like shows up and he beats a few of them up and he thinks that she has escaped but she bumps her head on a tree limb like some kind of cartoon character and uh he finds out later that they've like slit her throat in the town square and then he rides back into town with his boys and you could play some rap music to him him slow riding into town

like damn it feels good to be a gangster. One that you don't really know. Slow it down to 0.8 speed and it would be sick. Because he rides back in and just murders them all. That's a good fight. Right then, yeah. What about the fight scene in the first Pirates of the Caribbean?

Oh, no. That's probably way up there in the list. Everybody's talking about that. Have you considered the fight scene in Shrek 1? The best fight scene of all time was when Vin Diesel raced Paul Walker in a

10-second mile. That was the best fight scene. Everything's going wrong, then the dragon pops through the stained glass and it turns out she wants to fuck the donkey. That's the best fight scene. wants to fuck the donkey. That's the best fight scene. No, Tucker's right. That's the best. You know what I watched last night? That's like saying the best jackass bit

is Ryan Dunn speeding into a tree. I'm Ryan Dunn! Welcome to Jackass! Woo! I'm Ryan Dunn and this is Drive My Porsche Drunk. I'm a hero though! Mourn me forever. Was he drunk? Yeah, he was really, really drunk.

He was so drunk he spontaneously combusted on impact. That's why they couldn't find him. I'm not sure. I don't know about the science behind that. His blood alcohol level was one. Yes. They found a bunch of drunk mosquitoes nearby. He was like nitro racing fuel incarnate when he hit that fucking tree.

That guy's not a hero. That guy's an irresponsible human being. I didn't say he was a hero. I was selective memory, you know? He was hilarious. I know. And he provided a lot of laughs for everyone. Have you ever put a car in your ass and then gone to an Indian doctor?

No. And no one else has either. And so I don't think I've always remembered in the annals of history as a good funny man. The annals of history. You know what I watched last night that I hadn't seen since I was a kid? What? Fucking Deliverance. Since you were a kid and you hadn't seen Deliverance?

Yeah, I got a bunch of guys together. I got a bunch of guys together who'd never seen it before. You know, they're in our little gaming discord. And it was like five of us. And nobody but me had seen it before um uh you know they're in our little gaming discord and there's like five of us and nobody but me had seen it and it was a real treat because it's a dark fucking movie right you know and it's filmed like i'm almost positive woody that that river that you and i and chiz rafted down that's the deliverance river i'm almost positive oh i i think actually i think i read that too yeah and so and so like the whole way through i'm like this is this is the part where chiz would have gotten raped right here right

here on that on that thing over there well why would chiz get raped out of all of you why did ned baity get raped out of all of them i mean you've got quite you've got you've got john voight and you got um um oh fuck what's his name fucking mustache guy you think they would rape Chiz before they Bert Reynolds and Bert Reynolds in Deliverance is like the slickest coolest sexiest Bert Reynolds ever he's wearing this sleeveless leather zip up thing with like a

high collar it looks a lot like what Grey Worm wears like in Game of Thrones it's sick and he's he's got all these these like witty schisms that he says he's like you don't find the river it finds you and then he like walks off into the woods and they're all like who the fuck is this guy but yeah when it gets down to raping time it's it's like ned baity and john voight are there and these hillbillies are like tie that time, it's like Ned Beatty and Jon Voight are there,

and these hillbillies are like, tie that one up. This one over here kind of looks like a sow. Come here, boy. That's what I'm looking for. Get them panties off. And then he's twisting his ears, squeal like a pig,

and Ned Beatty's like... Dude, it's a horrific scene. Everyone's laughing. I've never seen it. So they're going whitewater rafting, and they find themselves away from civilization. And there's almost X-Files-like rednecks. Like crazy, twisted, not real-life rednecks.

Like hills have eyes kind of people. Like hills have eyes. They're not mutated, but no teeth. They look scary. You can tell they never see anyone but themselves. Yeah. So they, I guess, don't like whitewater rafters and start murdering and raping them. And when they rape that guy.

In that order? You know, take a pick. No, it's a murder. The rape came first. But when they rape him, I don't know if this happens to other people's other people when they watch movies but i put myself in that situation sometimes and i say well i am such a hero i would be able to handle this or that or i would have never made this bad the decision that led to this to happen but when you're like dude fucker didn't do anything

wrong he just went white rid of white water rafting Something that any of us might do And we literally went down that same river And it turns out That if you pull over to the side And go camping, you get raped And you know There was nothing He didn't have any choice

What could he do? He was overpowered I don't think any rapists have a choice It's so good Rapists have choices Out there Woody. It's so good. Rapists have choices. Rape-ees. Out there, it's rape or be rape.

So he gets Ned Beatty down over this log, and he butt fucks him while John Voight is left to watch. And he's telling him to squeal like a pig while he butt fucks him, because I guess that kicks out of that. And if you put yourself in that position, you're like, well, I can do a better pig than that. Thanks, Kyle. Yeah, carry on. The pig doesn't go, wee. The pig goes, wee. Like, come on, Ned, you're an actor.

Didn't you win an Oscar? No, it would be fun. Oh, that's a good take on it, yeah. The guy gets raped. He's like, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink. And he's like, this is fucking ruining it for me. Bring the other everyone over here. This fella doesn't even know what pigs sound like. My pigs suffer in saltwater tapping.

Yeah, this guy is about as badass as the City Slickers in that movie. You know, the City Slickers movie. And he's the most weak of the group. Like, Burt Reynolds is like a legit action star in this movie for a while. They raped Burt? No. No. Only one of them gets raped, and it's Ned Beatty.

So after they buttfucked Ned Beatty, it's just Jon Voight and Ned Beatty. They're taking two separate canoes, and they had hopped out to like piss or something. I don't know. And they come upon the two redneck brothers, and one holds the gun, and the other buttfucks Ned Beatty. And he's like, get them panties off. And then he chases him around and like slaps his ass. It's very hard to watch. I mean, bless you and me. We got a real kick out of it. And so and so then I came twice. And so then they finish up with Ned Beatty. And then they turn their attentions to John Voight, who has like his own belt wrapped around his neck to a tree. He's really secured well.

And they get him on his knees, and he goes, what you want to do with this one? He goes, he got a pretty mouth! Yeah, he does, don't he? Here, hold that gun on him. And he starts unbuckling his pants, right? It's like, oh shit.

They're about to mouth fuck John Voight, who does now that I notice, have a pretty pretty mouth that's angelina jolie's father right there that's where she got it from right there that's a pretty mouth on that i had no idea that's true you shaved that mustache off him and i fucked that mouth too willing or unwilling and so john voight is sitting there like i guess i'm about to get my mouth fucked. And he looks like between the two men and there's Burt Reynolds in his fucking superhero costume with a bow drawn back.

And he's got the crazy eyes like John Voight does. He's like, do it! Do it! Do it! And Burt fucking kills one of the guys immediately, like straight through his chest. And the other one runs off in the forest, right? So now we gotta decide. I mean, John Voight does have some DSLs. runs off in the forest. So now we've got to decide. I mean, John Point does have some DSLs.

Dick sucking lips for sure. So then they've got to decide, what are we going to do? If we go down to the town below and we're like, we shot a hillbilly in the back, it's probably going to be his cousins on the fucking jury.

And Ned Beatty goes, I just assumed none of this got out boys and so they just like hey nobody has to know that i got raped right yeah that's ned baity's point of view and so and so then they've got to you know they'd make the decision to bury this body because the whole area is about to get damned up and become a lake they're like let's just bury this motherfucker get out of here and then shit really hits the fan after that it's it's a thrill anymore because this sounds so yeah watch it man it's good deliverance the only the only reason that you know uh i knew about that was because dueling banjos right uh yeah my my friend from my friend from middle school and high school his dad wrote

it mandel or whatever yeah yeah i wrote it and played it in the movie and i was like oh i i know about this movie guys i can contribute oh that's cool what did he write specifically he wrote the the song dueling band did he okay that's cool if you say so i thought it was a much older song um yeah i don't know if i made that up i I thought it was a super old song. Steve Mandel. Kyle, you mentioned one of the guys in that was dressed like Grey Worm. To just go back for one second to the Game of Thrones episode, since we're not that far removed from it. As Grey Worm was thinking about joining his men, I was really hoping he would.

That would have been like the... I don't know. It felt like that would have been a good end for Grey Worm's character to go forward and stay with his men in that last charge. But, you know, you get what you get. Once Grey Worm got a taste of pussy, he decided that the world could be a little bigger. He literally only got a taste, though, because he doesn't have a dick. That's right. That's why I phrased it that way.

A little factoid about the dueling banjo scene in particular. That little boy is not playing the banjo, just so everyone's aware. He is not some sort of idiot savant who can do one thing and it's play the banjo. He's just a forest child they found and put a banjo in his hands and told him to wiggle his fingers. I have a dueling banjo factoid too It was released in 1972 So it's entirely possible that Tucker has a friend whose dad wrote that song Cool I would have thought that it would have been like It's entirely possible I'm not going to outright call him a liar But probably isn't

No that's not what I was going with I know you're not I'm singing that Isn't that one of Joe Rogan's little catchphrases though Entirely possible No, that's not what I was going with. I know you're not. I know you're not. I'm saying that. Yeah. I'm saying it. Yeah. Isn't that one of Joe Rogan's little catchphrases, though? Entirely possible? The guy will be like, well, I've eaten nothing but meat for four years, and I feel healthy. I feel great.

And Joe's like, well, that's entirely possible. Jamie, pull up that video of that monkey raping the bot. Do you know the person's name who you said wrote the song? Yeah, Steve Mandel. He's on the list! It says songwriters. Arthur Smith, Don Reno, Eric Weisberg, and Steve Mandel. Weird flex, but confirmed

not a liar. There it is. So crazy. Yeah, yeah. His dad is super old. I just really wanted to be cool, guys. You know, I'm only three people removed from the guy who wrote that song in that movie you just mentioned just so you surely get me an invite back to this podcast all right and all true all true i feel like shit speak i feel like this is also

a segue but also it could lead to interesting discussion. So speaking about high school friends, a kid who went to high school with me, his dad was a clown, traveling clown, whatever. Senior year of high school, this kid's dad gets arrested for pedophilia in florida and for and for doing like a whole bunch of like you know incredibly incredibly crazy shit but this guy had like performed for our school and you know was like well known so it was just like a very weird like like like fun stuff or like kitty raping stuff? No, not fun stuff. I'm pretty sure like kitty raping stuff. You made it sound like he was a daredevil or something. I'm a little bit drunk.

Black River Gorge. No, no. And then he skateboarded the Great Wall of China. In my head, I'm like, I need to Google this. Tucker's just saying he knows a pedo to look cool. Yeah, exactly. If I can't prove it. And then in the same grade grade so all these people are

are in in my class of 94 so what a weird sample size to have here um uh another friend of mine's dad um you're way too young for a class of 94 that's the size gotcha yeah i was born in 93. I was like, the fuck? The, um, uh, his dad, uh, hung himself because he was caught working for Johns Hopkins, filming female patients while giving them, you know, exams. Oh,

it's fucking hot. Right. I was like, I was like, and this all was within like the same year. All of these things happen at the same time. Jesus fucking Christ. Where are these films?

There's so many websites. There's so many. Where are these films? I can't remember the settlement. Have you seen those pornos? It's kind of like a professional lighting setup. Taylor, you'll like this one. I saw a porno last night. Not necessarily a porno,

but just, you know. It was a $190 million settlement from Johns Hopkins. Wow. Because of the amount of people. Just for having your coochie videoed? All right, hold on. 1,200 videos and 140 images stored on a computer.

So that's a lot of fucking videos. I don't know. I'd put my dick on Johns Hopkins' website for $190 million. But it's not about it. And they'd make fun of me on Reddit. I've become a reply guy who all I did was tweet pictures of my own dick.

You could say you'd be Reply Guy iFly Illini. Just for a million dollars. There's a callback I haven't heard in a while. Reply Guy iFly Illini. I saw a video last night and this guy goes to a female doctor and he's hidden his cell phone in his belongings on the side. So he's secretly recording this

doctor examining him. And it's real. This isn't one of those fake exams. And she's examining his penis. And she's like, was there any pain here? When did the pain start blah blah blah and like 45 seconds in he ejaculates and he goes oh oh oh i'm so sorry oh i'm so sorry and she's like that's perfectly all right sometimes that happens there's some tissues over there and i was like oh my god sometimes that happens what a horrible job you have oh my god no this guy is this is pka's cool guy of the week

this guy can't get a round of applause for this guy give it up for that guy imagine how like this guy's like paying co-pays just to get his nut. Like $5 for a handjob? Are you kidding me? That's a good deal. I don't agree with Kyle that this is the world's worst job. If you would have flipped that situation around and I was a gynecologist and every so often a woman orgasmed, I wouldn't be like,

oh my god, this is so awful. Until you get caught in the face with some squirt from some nasty yeast-filled pussy. That doesn't sound right. See? Because the kind of vagina until you get caught in the face with some squirt from some nasty you know yeast filled pussy that doesn't sound right see because the kind of vaginas that are showing up in there a lot of the time they're not their best days mayhem yeah you're especially if they're like eight years old or something yeah that's why that's why i stopped i wanted to initially be like a physical therapist to work with people who did stuff in sports.

So I took an internship there and every single person that I had to put stim pads on was like 90 plus years old. You have to lift up the fat pads on the ass to put electro stim pads on. I was like, I don't think this is for me. It's the same with gynecologists. It's not like you're getting like great pussy every day.

You're not like, what kind of coin slots we got today, thank you like maybe you want to work in like fertility problems because at least these people are all going to be like not too old you know trying to fuck trying to have babies like that's it's all a crime pussy if they're trying to have kids i saw a reddit i saw a reddit post where like a mother was upset because she took her 15 year old daughter to the gynecologist and i guess the regular gyno wasn't there so she had to like see this this older gentleman and he asked her why she wasn't shaved if she didn't have a boyfriend and they were and they were very upset because that gynecologist

was doing the lord's work he was just trying to He was just trying to say, hey, you might want to be aware this is a comedy show. P.K.A. is runner up. Shave, though? That gynecologist, the shaver. Tucker, lay it out. What's your preference? Shaved, Hitler mustache, racing stripe, bush, triangle. Look, I'll appreciate the uh the effort like if i go down there and

you've shaved like abe lincoln into your pubes that's like i can't ever be upset by that for every every examination you go all right let me put my gloves on and then you put a clothespin on your nose i think that you should put them in the stirrups and then have a bunch of those cards like at the NBA dunk contest and just hold them like a six or a seven depending on what you think

that's like the shit when you're getting deep cleaned in the dentist and he starts like I give that vagina two enormous pepperoni go ahead Tucker sorry that's a shot by the way that's a shot enormous pepperoni. Go ahead, Tucker. Sorry. That's a shot, by the way. That's a shot. Can you do that?

Can Kata call for shots all the time? Using the same rule. There's a max three per... We'll make it up later. Who cares? Okay. I mean, I'm going to be using the giant nipple rating system throughout the episode. I really like the giant nipple. And we didn episode. I really like the giant nipple. And we didn't even...

That just came out right now is what happened. Yep, and I know at one point Tucker's going to do his, so we're in for another shot at some point. Impossible. It's not going to happen. I've changed my mannerisms. I thought that's not a whole shot. No, it's a giant shot. All right.

I've just changed my entire being. Oh, did you go ahead of us, Kyle? Yeah. All right. Cheers, everyone. Man, that's a shitty line. It just sucks when it just hangs out there for like two to three gulps. Yeah, I don't care.

You got to really open up that throat a little bit. Yeah, I'm very good at that. Me too. I've heard, you know, bit. Yeah, I'm very good at that. Me too. My dad said I was good at it. People say what, Taylor? They call my throat fuckable. I thought it was good.

I didn't want to let that go away. The only problem is my teeth are too big, so nothing's getting in there. I went to the dentist today, and I'm sure a thousand million people have like been frustrated by this but like they scraped the shit out of my teeth yeah my gums rather and then when they come in they're like like the you know hygienist is telling the dentist like yeah well you know he's doing really good everywhere no no cavities no nothing like not a lot of plaque even but you know his gums on the top they responded uh very quickly with blood very negatively and quickly with blood and then like the dentist is talking to me like so you know how now when

you're brushing where there's a lot of blood in the sink and such we're gonna do this and that to make sure that doesn't happen anymore and it's like i wanted to be like no there's never ever blood when i brush my teeth it's only when i come here and you stick dr mengala on me that i end up getting blood in the sink like otherwise i'm fine they always have that like water drill it's like now listen you know pressurized washers we just have one of these at all times next to us so we're just gonna pressurize wash really close to that tender flesh and if it bleeds at all give me another ten dollar copay you're just gonna have to whatever the fuck you're doing on top of it and then we're gonna give you

listerine at the end like here's some high alcohol content shit to burn your mouth for 45 seconds my dentist anxiety is this they use the water and they're spraying things like they maybe they get that twisty little not a toothbrush grinding thing. And they're brushing your teeth with it. And then they're like, all right, they spray it with water. And they put the suction thing in there. And I'm supposed to really accurately wrap my lips around the suction thing and let it pull all the water out of my mouth? It's called Mr. Thirsty.

And Mr. Thirsty fucks. He just dips his ass in there, and he sucks up all of the... You don't have to... You just close your mouth for a half second, and it does its job. It hasn't happened yet, but I close my mouth and sort of into the thing, and I'm like, what if I make a fountain? What if I make a fountain and just... What do you mean?

Make a fountain. Your mouth has water in it you're supposed to like squirt it into mr thirsty and yeah but mr thirsty's a vacuum you don't have to squirt it yeah mr he does his job when i have a bunch of foreign liquid in my mouth i know how to handle it i'm gonna get one for my i'm afraid i'm gonna make a fountain back in the chair and just i wish i had had a Mr. Thirsty at home. Me too. That's what I said.

I was like, think about the cleaning. Just put it to the tip of your dick and you're good to go. I'm going to put it in my ear. Just really get it in my ear. I'm sorry. Huh? Yeah, put it in my ear. I want Mr. Thirsty to go and get that earwax out of there.

But then you're going to have to put it back in your mouth. So? It's my ear. Okay. Ew. I saw I got eat a booger in traffic yesterday i was so put off it's so upsetting like that uh that because he was so blatant about it like no that's what i'm saying i look in my rearview mirror and this guy who's my age he's he's 30 something he goes pickety pick looks at it and then straight into his mouth and then choose

like i i couldn't believe what i was seeing i wanted to rather watch isis behead someone watch somebody eat a big juicy booger because it is so gross seeing ted uh ted eat that giant booger during the uh convention whatever that was, whatever, where he licks his lips and it gets that sitter. It's been there for like two minutes. Licks it. Wait, Ted Cruz ate a booger? Oh man, that's hilarious.

You want to watch it? Yeah. You want to watch Ted Cruz eat a booger? Tom Cruise, right? Ted Cruz. I don't think I know Ted Cruz. Oh my god, it's so much bigger than I thought. Oh, what am I thinking? His father was a serial killer.

Look how big that fucker is. Oh my god. Alright, I'm ready. I'm ready to play. I'm going to queue up at zero. One, two, three, play. Don't you do it you fuck oh it's gone it's gone he transferred it incredible that got the show then never run

for president that shows a lot of oral dexterity. I'm impressed. Everyone's knocking him. I wish that he had noticed it and just gone... In the middle of a speech, you see that booger on my mouth? That was crazy. If he just pulled it off and flicked it at Jeb,

he would have won the election. Booger and Kevin. Exclamation point on his point. Like, you know, yeah, where her emails... How did Booger Eatin' Ted not take number one slot for Trump? Where he's like, you know, you've got low-energy Jeb, and you've got Booger Eatin' Ted.

Anybody seen this? Everyone's talking about this. You have to look online, type in YouTube, Ted Cruz eats a booger. And I swear to God, I fobbed it up all over my McDonald's I had for lunch because I was watching this, and it was fucking disgusting, people. I'm sorry to swear, but that's the only word to describe it. Yeah, Trump. Sorry to swear. Oh, man.

Do you think, like, Trump has, like, done enough ridiculous shit with, like, language and whatnot? Because I've already noticed, like, politicians already noticed politicians are doing cool kid cursing now or be like, I'll be damned. Lindsey Graham just dropped the F bomb. Lindsey Graham said fuck but he said Trump is a fucking idiot. What did he say

at this bar thing? That must be a while ago, right? No, that was two days ago. That's what he said? Trump is a fucking idiot yeah but i think it was in contact in context it was like him saying like and the democrats go oh trump is a fucking idiot okay right you know on a scale of nine to ten how gay is lindsey graham i don't have enough pepperoni for this

he's got like the most effeminate weird kind of speaking timbre and everything like i don't know that something about that guy yeah he like yeah there is something about gayer than buddha judge probably gets pulled down by hot buff southern bell men that would be funny if i conquer i refuse to learn how to say buddha gigs name so I'm just gonna like completely butchered every single time different every time but booty gay is I wish that booty gay would say that he's like and you got Lindsey Graham over there he's he's a bigger queen than I am y'all look at that son of a bitch I mean I've never been married why you think that is what's Lindsey Graham doing over there

he's in South Carolina man said if he Carolina. If he busts out a bit that funny, he's got my vote. Buttigieg's married, though. That's right. Is he married? To a strong man. Not like Lindsey Graham. He definitely gets piped down. You should see what Lindsey Graham puts in my DMs.

I'll vote for all the things you propose but it's going to cost you I'm blown away I haven't seen this booger eating clip I can't believe you haven't that shit made the rounds for me how old is Ted Cruz the peak of it isn't even him eating it it's the top to bottom lip train yeah yeah this video has a million views it's viral that shit was like that sticky putty that you accidentally

like left around and it like rolled on the carpet too much so it's like sticky but not that sticky it was like a ball of remember rubber cement from grade school art ted cruz will run for president again that just occurred to me is he did he not he didn't just win texas who cares he won't this time because trump is running you know he's but uh maybe after trump or something we'll see maybe maybe uh i i you know i think trump's gonna win again i've said it before, I'll say it again. I was laughing the other day thinking about Bernie coming out on the campaign trail where he's like, millionaires and billionaires, the top 1% have access to 75% of the pussy.

And the bottom 99% has merely a quarter of the pussy to choose from. bottom 99% has merely a quarter of the pussy to choose from. There's enough pussy to go around, and part of my policy is to equalize the pussy distribution in this great nation. Bernie's gonna

get me laid! So, Bernie, I know you're a patron. Use that. Use that. Communist vaginas. Taylor got a standing ovation You will too Bernie Our audiences are similar They probably are

Tax me hard and fuck me hard Bernie Do these two things I'm gonna tax you so hard You'll be begging for more You think you've been taxed Buckle up Buttercup to tax you so hard you'll be begging for more. You think you've been taxed? Buckle up, buttercup. Buckle up.

He can't win. He can't win. It's not possible. I wonder who's going to win. I have no idea. He may. What's the record of incumbents versus

the challenger? I think it's less likely for him. It's like 75%. No, it's less likely for him to win this election than his first one. Incumbents normally lose, is that right? No, Republican incumbent. Republican incumbents usually lose.

I think that was over 50 years. They lost like 60 fucking pick a number. Well, that's handy because he's not a Republican. That's interesting because I figured the incumbent across the board had the benefit. I would have guessed that too. We'll see. I guess it's going to be interesting. I'll tell you what.

One thing I can't do anymore uh take a shot every time whoever you you don't want as president you know gets a state declared for them so when you start on the east coast and they go like we got eight like uh new england states all called for trump eight shots brothers it's like oh man my who i wanted to win throughout the night would change minute by minute based on that drinking game like, you gotta take another one because Trump won this state, and it's like, no. That's too many. Assuming they each average 25 states, that's just too many shots.

You gotta cut a finger off for every state Jill Stein wins. Is she around anymore? She's alive. I mean... I figured she's alive, but I haven't seen her name in the news in forever. No, she was in the news recently because she did some campaign event in Russia.

Or maybe it was with the NRA. I don't remember. It was like a month and a half ago. She's a Green Party, right? She's a... I don't know what she is. Yeah, Green Party sounds correct. Let me slip in a couple advertisements here.

As Taylor said, before we get far too fucked up... By the way, if you can't tell, I'm incredibly sick right now. This is fun. said before we get far too fucked up. By the way, if you can't tell, I'm incredibly sick right now. This is fun. Turo is a peer-to-peer car-sharing marketplace where you can book any car you want, wherever you want it, from a community of local hosts. Turo is available in over 5,500 cities across the United States, Canada, the UK, and Germany,

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You can get $25 off your first trip when you sign up for Turo and use promo code PAINKILLER. At checkout, terms apply, of course. Yeah, it's a great service. I looked into it a few times. It's great for all the reasons I just said. One of the things that would interest me is like maybe a special lady coming into town or something like that. You want to impress her. Maybe you've woven a web of lies.

Maybe you deliver pizzas for Domino's, but you've told her that you are the heir. She doesn't have to know. Maybe you told her you're the heir to the Bilderberg fucking fortune or something like that, and you're like, shit, I need the Bilderberg. I'm actually Papa John's Jr. I am the heir to the Bilderberg fortune. Yes, yes,

that's true, yes, many millions. And really, you deliver pizzas at Domino's, so what you want to do, you go out, you get yourself an Airbnb. My name is Taylor Hutt of the Pizza Hut fortune. That's right. I'm John. My father is Papa John. You're going to need yourself a nice

ride to sell this lie that you have told for the weekend. What are you doing down there she's fucking private woodward check out tour up i don't know why we're laughing

i just sat up we can only see like this much of the top of your head oh yeah i have different cameras i didn't know what you were like no worries there it was just very funny Oh, yeah, I have different cameras. I didn't know what you were looking at. Oh, yeah. No worries there. No worries there.

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All loans made by Web Bank. Member FDIC. Equal housing lender. Check them both out. Hold it together. FDIC equal housing lender. Check them both out. I gotta say that ending read, the disclaimer the lender FDIC equal housing lender or whatever the hell, is like the most

satisfying post commercial readout. Feels good. Yeah, it does. It sounds official, doesn't it? Yeah. Has it only been three shots or is it four? I don't know Do you need to mark it on your arm like everybody in high school

All I want to do is lay on my back and watch the ceiling spin at this point Really? Are you drunk? I can drive to town right now It's 5.29pm where I'm at The sun's going to be up for four hours

Here's a little test Stick your right arm out since we can see that one straight and then bring it in and touch your nose. I can do that. Put your hands put your palm flat and now

reach towards the camera. I don't even know why we're laughing. I don't know why you laugh! Is this serious business? You do not laugh at this, Ed Reich! Tucker has supplanted the gynecologist as the cool-ass guy. The inadvertent Heil hitler it's great I didn't even get it I didn't get it until he reached out and I'm like that's fucking what you should have done Taylor

you should have been like alright take two fingers and put them right here and then reach your hand that's why when you said that when you said touch your nose like this I was like oh Oh that's fucking great That's funny That's funny right there

See this is what it feels like to be taken advantage of When you've had too much to drink That's how those ladies feel You haven't even had too much to drink Except without the sexual assault Last time I drank was the last drinking episode And prior to that I drank yesterday And the day before. Prior to that, that drinking episode.

I drank yesterday and the day before. Everybody should give Woody props. You suggested the first shot. Or the second shot. I did. I took my win early. We do take those early wins. Tucker knew the game. That was smart because you were like

four strokes. You had enough cognizance then to be like there's no way i'm going to be suggesting one in the third hour i'm not tour de france and it's like the it's like 15 minutes in and the guy's leading by like 14 seconds you're like what a trooper that guy is nobody will remember this is all i have moment yeah i've never cycled more than half a mile, but technically I'm winning right now.

Yeah. Jean-Francois Bouchier takes an early lead. Interesting choice to use the mountain bike. Not a common choice. Also wearing a very large helmet and a windbreaker. This is not regulation. It's not a skin suit. It helmet and a windbreaker. This is not regulation. It's not a skin suit. It's a literal windbreaker.

Initially on my list, under me, it was anytime I do a bad impression. But I realized very quickly, we're going to get ruined. You did it, but we can't do it because this is... You know, Taylor, that impression was outstanding. So you want to break the rules here? Is that what this is now? The rules are just out the window. We're not going to have a shot.

I feel like we need to pour ourselves a shot. I'm going to get a little lime to mix in. I feel like we need to grade this exam on a curve. You're right. You know what? You can sit this one out, bro. Yeah. You know what?

I'm not going to sit this one out. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to take a sissy shot. It's not a sissy shot. It's your participation medal. We just want you to feel included. Okay, we're proud of you. I have power in this bottle of vodka.

Yeah, right? I look at the Stolich and I was like, well, this is full. Yeah, this is going quick. We're going down real quick right now, brother. And this is going to catch up to us. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I don't think so. This is Going quick And this is gonna catch up to us Jesus Christ, yeah, I don't think so yeah Yeah, I did have a giant. I was here yesterday. I'm pretty confident gonna catch up to us. What is this future tense bullshit Taylor? This is not my first drink of the day. I've been caught. You pre-gamed our drinking episode.

I did have a beer before we got on. I was really hung over today. I had myself some... I got two bottles of that tequila. I just took one. I just did mine. The only one that hasn't done. I'm confused too.

Alright, no worries. I just thought there. The only one that hasn't done. I'm confused here. All right, no worries. I just thought there was a double coming. I'm down for a double. I would have had to abstain from that. Have some mercy, Kyle. I'll be the pussy, Kyle. I'm going to be honest with you. I can't do that shit right now.

You win. I front loaded. I did one in between the first second that nobody else did. I even brought a really loud snack to eat later without muting my mic. I had some Mexican food today. I had chili poblanos, rice, and beans. I felt like that was going to help me absorb

some of the alcohol. I ate a big-ass Chipotle burrito right before this. What do you get on your Chipotle? On my Chipotle burrito, I get my rice, my chicken, my steak, my brown rice, my fajita veggies. Yeah, those are good. Sometimes I do queso.

Sometimes I don't. I didn't do queso today. I get whatever the hottest salsa is. And then lettuce. I don't think Chipotle has jalapenos, but Qdoba does. And I get jalapenos if they have those. Yeah, I do too. And then lettuce and pico.

Usually I'll get corn or pico. I'll switch that out. I don't get both always. Because by that point, because I usually get double meat, if I get too much, like corn and pico, it's not going to fold right, and it's going to rip, and I hate that. See, I cut the lettuce out because I feel like the lettuce is like a filler in burritos. I like the lettuce is like a filler for in burritos i also agree in a burrito it's not clutch but in a burrito bowl which i think you get more food you do like if if you're one of those like super cheap cheap people who who's like oh look this is the way to save 40 cents down to me i just i just wanted more food no no no not the money i'm just

trying well then why don't you just order two burritos because because i don't need the carbohydrates when i can just have no wrap. That's true. He's getting all his carbs from beer. He doesn't need to overload that. You're right. But they've done the math on this. I watched a YouTube video. They took a Chipotle burrito. They took it apart

and they spilled all the ingredients out on the table and then they got the burrito bowl and they did the same and they weighed them both and it's much more. It's way more. It's like 25%. It's like 25% more. So you get the burrito bowl and they did the same and they weighed them both. And it's much more. It's way more. It's like 25%. It's like 25% more. So you get the burrito bowl and you order some tortillas and you make your own fucking burrito.

But look. Are you choosing the one because it's more calories? Yeah, because it's more food. Because it's more food. I'm just saying that. All right. I also have not had Chipotle in a long time. I did a fast food tier list video the other day.

Go on. Chipotle hit solidly in the B range. Can you list the – was there an S tier or is A the top in your list? There was an – hold on. So let me – I'm going to pull it up, but in the meantime, I'm going to – Can we watch your video or will you copy claim us? I will copyright claim you. I will just –

It would be so fucking funny if Tucker hit? I will copyright claim you. I will just stop by final. If Tucker hit us with copyright. Hey, listen, bitches. I've never been paid to be on this show. I'm going to screenshot my list here. Hey, Kyle. And then I'm going to post it. Just super quick.

I sent you the mute button in the spring, especially I have issues with coughing or sniffling or whatever. And the fans love that I can mute myself now. They like to hear me burp. They're a fan of it. Well to hear you i get a lot of i don't like to hear people burp they enjoy the burps um they like the coughs um anyway i'm super happy with mine i just thought all right there's uh can or what do you you can put this uh tucker i'm gonna explain why chipotle is a b tiertier so i don't think that chipotle is a b-tier in terms of this this list is very subjective based off of like where i live in the in the experience i've had with these companies whatever chipotle's b-tier because

i live in southern california and there's not a there are an infinite amount of places i would rather eat that are cheaper more filling and better and better Mexican food than Chipotle. Chipotle is good. So if you live in a non, you know, ethnic, you know, ethnically diverse city, you might be like, oh, this is like the pinnacle of Mexican fast food. But like Chipotle is just okay.

I think, I mean, I don't think I'm getting authentic Mexican ever when I go to Chipotle, but I get tasty burritos. it's fine that's what i'm saying it's b tier it's like i will go i will go chipotle might be a tier for you if you lived in massachusetts where there's i believe i said i believe i said chipotle was a tier if you lived outside of a major like metropolitan city so i think zaxby's so zaxby's is in the like you don't know column yeah i've never had zaxby's but i said both zaxby's in the, like, you don't know column? Yeah, I've never had Zaxby's, but I said both Zaxby's and Raising Cane's.

I know they are great, like, chicken places. They all compete with Bojangles isn't on here. My personal favorite is Bojangles. Oh, Zaxby's is better than, well, Bojangles is bone-in chicken. Zaxby's is chicken fingers and wings. Popeye's is better than Bojangles. Bull fucking shit. Popeye's is great, though.

They're on the same level to me. What I like about bojangles is when you go they go it's bow time how can i help you gotta want to need to get a have a bojangles i'm like i don't think mcdonald's is level damn right it's bow time give me that i'll say this chicken with the with the sweet tea holster they have that they give you this this bucket of chicken that has a holster on the side, so they put a half a gallon of tea in it. They call it a type 2 combo. Oh. Come on down and get

yourself a numb foot special. That's either super funny or we're a little drunk. Awesome. It's called the tailgate special. You've never had steak and shake? I have had steak and shake twice but i didn't feel confident in my if i if you ask me right now i'd put it b tier because i i remember their fries were like shoestring fries great and their shakes were good but i just didn't have it enough to i don't see cookout on this do i cook out it's not on there i would put cookout at b tier because

those five dollar trays serve like made me live through college most food for your buck and the milkshake i think cookout replaces chick-fil-a oh no fucking wrong chick-fil-a is number one by far of fast food i also my my disagreement with this list was five i don't quantify five guys as fast food if you have to leave your car i don't you know i if there's like more than a three-minute wait between you ordering and getting food, I just can't quantify it as fast food. So five guys is – That's interesting because I almost didn't put cookout as fast food even though you literally can't go in because it's so much better than all the other fast foods. I was going to say my place or my cookout at UNCW has two drive-thrus. You can't walk in there.

There's no walk-in. I've never seen any other style. Is Church's Chicken not all over the place? No. I've never been there. Wait, have you heard of that, Kyle? Church's Chicken? Yeah, I've heard of it.

Church's Chicken is better than any of those other chicken places. I don't know about that. It's pretty subjective. Bojangles has hot chicken that's great oh it's part of the experience of going into a church's chicken as the only white person you know that happened to me at popeye's a month ago yeah they look at you like you don't belong i like it there's nothing better than going into bojangles and you're you're in like the you and you're in the deep south and somebody out back goes, sweetie, what do you want?

And you're like, oh man, I'm home. Thank God. I feel like I go in there and I feel like I'm Gimli inside that elf forest. Like I don't really belong. I asked her for one hot wing. She gave me three. I asked her for one hot wing. She gave me three. I asked her for one honey biscuit.

See, I feel like White Castle on there. White Castle has two sides. When you're wasted and you want to eat 30 of something, White Castle is the best. And the next day, it's the worst. Because nothing will make you shit worse than White Castle I'm just saying if you want to eat 30 or something You could get a 30 30 piece make like chicken nugget like White Castle is like the end of the the end of the road

Nobody the best chicken nuggets is chick-fil-a. They are fucking amazing true And the chicken fingers are amazing too. They're very tender. You know why it's cuz they hate game. I made They personally bless every order. I mean, for that chicken... If this is eaten by a gay, may it bring pain and agony to their digestive tract. And all my gay friends are out there popping it. They're like, I got sores on my legs, but it tastes good.

Kyle desperately wants to say something. Yeah, I don't care. If it meant that all the gays had to die, I would keep eating the Chick-fil-A because it's just so fucking good. I made the White Castle burgers the other day. I know it's not. I read that joke. One enormous pepperoni nipple. I'm just telling you right now, a lot of my gay friends vocally say, hey, we allow you at Chick-fil-A.

It's okay. We're not from Uganda, bro. They're not financing our murder. Do you know there is a restaurant in America that does not allow the gays to eat there? And that is why I am running for Senate of Uganda. We can make every restaurant that way in our knowledge do you want to be eating next to a gay no i did not think so brother i made the white castle burgers the other day there's a there's a youtuber called sam is not very accepting of homosexuals no not at all

and yet they all have aids it's it's a weird it's a weird sort of you know it's just like where are you with this it seems like you've been down so I made the White Castle I made that joke a minute after everyone else I'm like who has AIDS I don't get it

I'm loving Woody's delayed laughs. Ha! Like Skeletor. Ha! I made those White Castle burgers at home. You'll never get me, He-Man. He is the villain with the least intimidating voice ever with the most intimidating face.

He-Man. It sounds like he got kicked in the nuts. Ha! Oh, no. voice ever with the most intimidating face. Sounds like you got kicked in the nuts. Ah! Ah! You'll never know that it's because of latent homosexual desire that I'm truly coming after you, he-man. Tucker, did you make that list or find that list?

I made that. Okay. I was confused. I didn't know Pollo Loco was a real place. Pollo Loco. No, you're thinking about Breaking Bad, which is Los Pollos Hermanos. What is this? Los Pollos Hermanos

means a chicken brothers. Pollo Loco means a crazy chicken. What is this hippo place? That's Chipotle. Oh, Chipotle. Yes. What is this hippo place It says hippo on the screen

Come on now Come on man you look at that and you're like wow I've never seen this hippo Yeah Come on down to hippos barbecue We serve hippos and hippos only Fuck you Baltimore Fuck you Baltimore Alright so I just wanted to say I made those White Castle Those only. The mainest animal in the animal kingdom. Fuck you, Baltimore.

All right. But I just wanted to say, I made those White Castle burgers the other day, and they were better than any White Castle burger you've ever had. Yeah, but when you make it, because look, White Castle, people idolize it because Harold and Kumar made that video, that movie about White Castle. It's not good microwaved. It's not good fresh. No. It's just like trash.

You have to make it in their style they have a very specific style like i would like but look at all those restaurants air quotes fast food places on that list like is there not one on those lists above the f tier that you would say yeah i'd probably eat there instead what's the what's the one with all the w's in d tier that's uh what a burger so you know my just my my issue with what a burger is what's the what's the one with all the w's in d tier that's uh what a burger so you know my just my my issue with what a burger is it's the same thing as in and out what a burger and in and out are very polarizing people that live in texas and people that live in california idolize what a burger in and out respectively they do but nobody outside of those states gives

a single fuck about those places and they're all not that imagine how much of a fucking loser you have to be to get defensive over a corporate fast food it's a i want you to know first of all if you'll look at this extensive google doc i've outlined in terms of like the cost ratio, the ROI on every dollar spent. See, the biggest thing I disagree with on this list is having Jimmy John's as high as a C. Jimmy John's should be an F. Those are the worst fucking sandwiches. Jimmy John's sucks.

Worse than Subway? The biggest thing I do agree with. Subway's bread sucks, but at least it's soft. Jimmy John's bread is usually hard and feels old. It cuts your gums. I'm glad you put Burger King at an F. Burger King belongs at F. Fuck Burger King.

I'm a Burger King fan. I love Burger King. Kyle, you are incorrect. I don't care. I love the taste of a Whopper. I love it. I like the crunch. Whoppers are better than Big Macs. Whoppers are better than Big Macs. Whoppers are better than Big Macs.

Get yourself a fucking double Whopper. Double Whopper. No tomato. No onion. You just made it twice as bad. They're literally yucky. Oh, they're so fucking good. I wish I had a double Whopper right fucking now. You said double Whopper. It's twice as bad now.

It's twice as yucky. A triple Whopperper I can barely even fucking handle it's so god damn good Burger King is so ass tier I also now understand my ratings for this list a lot of it comes from what I'm going to order I love french fries

what program did you use to make this graphic shut up Woody it's a website it's a website it's called tierlist. It's called tierlist.com, I think. You can do this with washing machines. Somebody has populated all the way.

Don't get me started on Whirlpool. Let me tell you about John Deere. Keep a life. You were saying something when I interrupted about the website. I have a video here. We haven't talked about wings in a coon's

age. Oh no. Why do you have to phrase it like that? Can somebody pre-watch it and tell me if there's music? That's a hilarious old time southern way to say it. And we'll have a jigger of alcohol after the video maybe. True.

Taylor, while Kyle sets the table here, can you tell me if there's music on it? There is, but it's fake music that no one could possibly own. Like, it's your own show, and you're so far down in your camera. I don't do this every week. The video's not playing for me. Give me a second. Let me listen to it. You said music?

So there's techno music, but there's no way anyone owns this. Yeah, this is not getting copyrighted. Okay. You're going to be okay. Why can't I hear whoever's playing it right now? Oh, my bad. I have the wrong setting on. I'm ready to count down whenever everybody's ready.

Yeah, let's go from zero. Taylor, are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. So what I think this is, and forgive me if I'm wrong. I don't know anything about wrestling games. But I think someone made a custom character in WWE 2K19 and made it wings. Kyle, you don't know anything about what kind of game? Wrestling.

No, what kind of game? Wrestling. Hey, hold on. Wrestling game. Don't answer it. Stop answering it. It's going to be some trigger for a shot. What kind of game is it?

It's a rassling game. Ah! There you go. That's on the list. Yes! Rassling. Yes! It was so transparent.

It was so obvious. Hold the list up to the camera, Taylor. I can't tell if it's really on the list. No, I'm going to be changing it throughout the evening. I'm going to wait for you guys to say something and then write it down. Who gave this guy the fucking cards, man? Alright, we don't have to do it quite yet. We can watch the video first.

Alright, let's pull this bad boy up. Thank God, just one minute. Are you guys ready? I'm ready. 3, 2... Wait, Tucker, did you say no? I am ready. 3, 2, 1, play Orleans huh? What is it? Look here, listen.

Look here, look, listen. Yeah. Heads on still on. Dude, he's looking thick. He's looking good. Yeah, that's awesome weight. He looks country strong. He does. Look at that entrance. Look at that entrance.

So nimble. I love the headset. Look here, listen. I'm guessing look here, listen is not on a major label. No. Not yet. Who's he wrestle? We don't even know. I love the white socks.

Does he have white socks on? I want to see him. The crowd loves him. He's got that beefy upper body. He looks thick. He is fast. So taut. Don't you want to see him fight now?

Yeah, I want to know who he's up against. Fight a giraffe. Don't you want to see the Undert now? Yeah, I want to know who he's up against. Fight a giraffe. Don't you want to see fucking the Undertaker come out and Wings hand it to him? I like that. I didn't find anything about that to be mean. That's the Undertaker's music. John Cena comes out and goes, you can't eat me.

It's hard to embrace the memes in Megami Room, but I wish he would. I wish he'd play that. I wish it'd be his new intro. I wish that when he streamed, he played that video as like, I'll be here in 10 minutes, just on a loop. And then be like, guys, it's Wings of Redemption. I am here.

We're about to fuck up some 2013 Fallout game. He should play that game as himself. He should be like, hey, can I download that character? Because that is pretty cool. These are easy mods. Like the WWE mods. That's been a thing for ages now. Yeah, that's great.

Are we drinking now or in like two minutes? Yeah. In all fairness, I'm doing about two-thirds of a shot because I'm pussy. Totally fine. We're only like an hour and 15 minutes in or something. Yeah, we really are. Okay, Woody. Kyle, cheers. No, Woody already did his, so cheers, Tucker.

Every time. Ooh, that's a fat one. Alright, maybe don't drink that entire thing. Damn, Kyle. Let me see that glass glass did you empty it? I think you did of course I emptied it Jesus Christ dude it's good tequila it really is like if you like tequila

I can't wait for you to be funny Kyle this is going to be great I couldn't hang with Kyle like 205 right now I'd say Okay So you and I are a similar weight right now How tall are you Kyle?

6'2 How tall are you Tucker? 6 foot even Hey 6 foot brothers But like the real 6 foot Not the 5'11 I went to the doctor And they told me I was 6 foot

I went to the doctor and they told me I was 6'0". I went to the doctor and they told me I was over 6'0". I was so proud that day. The doctor was wrong. I'm not a manlet. Dude, the difference between 5'11 and 6'0 is a lot of sex. The truth is I'm only 6'0 in shoes, but

I'm that guy. I sell people at 6'0". It's fine. Hey, I don't look down on you anymore. You're cheap in R. I guy. I sell people at six foot. You cheapen our... I do. I do. I even put that on my Tinder page back in the day where it was like six foot, you're not going to

show up and I'm going to be 5'10". And it worked. I wonder if I put six foot in proper footwear if they think that was charming and funny. No, because it's like women who say I'm 5'7 in heels. I wonder if I put six foot in proper footwear, if they think that was charming and funny. No. Cause it's like women who say like, I'm five, seven and heels.

I don't give a fuck. It's not, you're not going to be walking around wearing heels. I'm literally talking about vans, you know, I'm nine foot right there. You dumb whore. I've been six foot.

At that point, you might as well just, that's like the equivalent of saying like, Hey, I'm half an inch bigger in my pants. You just, I, in vans, I am six feet. So I might as well say i'm in i'm six feet i swam in college

the length of a sole of a shoe and add it to my dick i'm five i'm five inches but i'm five and a half with vans i swam in college and they had like a um a program where they had like all the swimmers and their heights and weights and stuff and they just lied about them and it was like i'm not six three but i guess proportionally compared to my teammates lies like i fit right in like they they like scaled everyone up a little scaled everybody up i didn't but the doctor did yeah In fucking every professional sport. Yeah. Like you'll like check

an athlete's page on ESPN.com and it'll be like, so-and-so Wilkins in the NFL, 6'5", and then you'll see an interview with him next to someone. It's like, wait, what? Is that the tallest woman on Earth? Howard Stern used to do that. Howard Stern is like, I am, is he 6'4 or

6'5, Kyle? He's 6'5. All right, so he's 6'5. And he is more than willing to take his shoes off and stand next to rulers and prove that he's 6'5. And he'll be like, Dennis Rodman, you're not 6'9. You're the same height as me. New topic. Yeah, it would happen all the time. That's hilarious.

Yeah, it would happen all the time. That's hilarious. It's like, not to get political, but Trump getting the doctor was like, six foot three, 239 pounds. I'm looking at this guy and I was like, well, bull fucking shit. You are either of those numbers. The six foot three thing is way more. First of all, he's not six foot three, but it's way more believable than 239. 239.

Yeah. Have you ever seen somebody this entire country is you fat like i've weighed 235 before and i'm probably an inch shorter than trump and you've never looked even remotely like this man even at my fattest i wasn't filling out the asses of dress pants like that guy has got a donk he has got a you got a wagon I need that on a soundboard he got away that is so funny that he's like actually I wait to 30 died and like a lot of people who support him are like see see, perfectly fine. And everybody else is like, what?

No. Wait. No. He doesn't weigh 239 pounds. My husband's 400 pounds and he looks fitter than. Yeah, 239 at 6'3 puts you at 29.9% body fat, which is 0.1% below obese. Dude, that's why I think he should have chosen Chris Christie as his VP nice and close the whole time I mean you can look at my doctor report up dude fine don't worry about it you want to see a real fat fuck

look at this guy I'm gonna go sit in a fucking foldable chair That's straining under my immense weight On the beach That guy's struggling That guy's got a moose knuckle That is not rivaled anywhere else in the world He's struggling I feel bad for Chris Christie It's quite obvious

He's doing a lot to maintain that kind of weight That guy's down in a half a gallon of ice cream Hating himself It's an lot to maintain that kind of weight. That guy's down in a half a gallon of ice cream hating himself. It's an effort to be that fat. I've always been in the camp that hot take, like, if you're that obese, like, I understand it's a hard cycle to build or to break, but you have to be putting in effort to get to that point. Like, there's several moments where you're like,'m i don't have to do this but i'm

going to do it already had one burrito but i better get another three oh yeah with like my appetite i have a tendency to get overweight because i love eating so much and i just want to keep snacking and shit like when i get when i got to 235 at one point like i looked at myself in the mirror and was like, you're fucking gross, dude. Do you still eat Cheez-Its? You're fucking gross. Are they in your life at all,

or have you completely removed them? Every once in a while. Honestly, I've pivoted more to Goldfish. Oh, big fan of Goldfish. I love Goldfish and Cheez-Its. I like Cheez-Its more because there's a bigger surface area, better crunch.

More salt, maybe. How do you eat your goldfish? This is a very important question. So I take it, I put it in my mouth. I get the salt all... Everybody has a way to eat it. Everybody, I put it in my mouth. I lick the salt off of it.

Salt side down. I lick the salt off of it. And then I'll put it between my teeth, almost like a sunflower seed, and I'll crack it in half. And then I eat it that way. I have a girl chew mine up first.

Stop, Kyle. That's how I eat earthworms. I add more salt. You add more salt to the mush. She spits them out and she rolls them into a bigger fish. Into an enormous sort of gooey cheese ball.

And then I sprinkle a bit of, I have it right here actually, a bit of Himalayan sea salt right on top. And then you bake them for 10, 15 minutes at 325 degrees. And the center stays nice and juicy from the saliva. And it's just a real treat. Before Tucker gets to his goldfish, everyone touch their forehead. It's weird, right?

Wait, what? What's wrong with that? We all got sweaty? Look, here's how I eat my- Are you sweaty? No, it's numb, Mike. I love it, Warden. Wait, wait, wait.

I want to own this. No! Hey, shut up. Listen, let me tell you i'm like please tucker go ahead all right ever since i first started eating goldfish i don't know why but i will take the goldfish and i will bite the nubs off the tails right so i'll bite those two little nubs one bite or two bites a little all right little bite little bite of the two nubs so now it's just like without the tail nubs i'll put it salt side down and i'll swallow it whole man you're drowning there little man i don't know why why don't you crunch it up and get more flavor tucker it's still alive when you're swallowing it yeah i don't i don't know i'll eat pretzels the same way too. If I have a stick of pretzels, I'll swallow them whole.

Swallowing them whole. We need to revisit this. But the whole goldfish swallowing thing, it reminds me of my youngest brother. I can't believe I've never mentioned this on the show. We had field day. You know how every school has gay-ass field day shit where you go and do do whatever this is like middle school yeah like middle school or high high school and but every everyone in the you know in the high school is invited and everything doesn't matter your

freshman senior whatever right and they would have those and like the families would come out because there would be like the school football game and such and you know everybody wanted to see it and so there were little booths that you could go to and play games and buy. And there was one that sold goldfish. And I told my youngest brother at one of those. I was maybe 18 at the time. He was probably nine or something. And I was like, hey, you should eat one of those goldfish.

And so he swallowed. I bought him the goldfish. And so he swallowed, I bought him the goldfish, and then he swallowed it whole. He put it in his mouth and just sucked the whole goldfish down. I got a huge kick out of it. All my friends got a huge kick out of that later in the day where I'm talking to one of my friend's parents who had an even younger daughter, maybe six years old. And he was like,

fucking Susie bought a goldfish. We don't even have anything. I don't want to go to Petco and buy a goldfish setup. That's ridiculous. Why did my wife let her buy this? And I was like, I've got a solution. And so I called my youngest brother over. I was like, hey,

come over here. And I was like, hey Susie, can you let him see your goldfish bag for a minute? And I'd already told him what to do. How old are you? I'm maybe 17. Okay. And so he takes the goldfish bag, you know, tears

it open, water starts to pour out. They're horrified already. They're horrified. Little girl's probably trying to grab for it, but I was fixated on what he was doing. He reaches in, grabs the goldfish, and goes... And just swallowed it whole right in front of this little girl who had just bought a goldfish.

And then she was crying back to her dad to be like, can I buy another goldfish? And he said no. You know, I bet he was low-key happy you solved his problem what are you telling me your brother ate an actual live goldfish twice it was the second one that he'd eaten that day and he ate a third later because he'd realized that it got him attention because people were like hey hey like my friends i told them that story and they were like hey they came to my little brother like hey here's hey, here's another goldfish. Will you eat this?

And so he was like, yeah. He ate a third one. He ate three live. My youngest brother at a field day ate a bunch of live goldfish and poked him into it and swallowed them all whole. Oh my God. And he ended up being fine. And he ended up being fine and full. I feel like PETA would have a field day with that.

I was watching Rogan, and there was this guy who has a restaurant in, I think, maybe Oregon or somewhere. It doesn't matter. The restaurant's called Antler. And I guess they serve venison and shit like that there. And these people were protesting outside. These vegans were protesting outside of his restaurant. So he went and butchered a whole deer leg in front of them. That's cool as fuck.

That doesn't quite make sense. And I'd suck that guy's dick, I'll tell you what. That doesn't quite beat out the gynecologist, but he's close. Third runner up. Participation medal for coolest guy on PK. Cool guy of the week is a good bit for PK. Who's the guy with legs?

Who's the winner currently? The guy who recorded his gynecological exams. No, Tucker is the current winner of Cool Ass Guy of the Week because I've already forgotten what you did, but you won. I know, I did too. Can you fill me in on what we did? But I remember number two was the gynecologist, and then number three was that other gynecologist who told the young girl to shave her. I like the guy who went for the doctor's exam and came on his doctor.

Oh, that was the horrible guy. I like to think that let's conflate the stories and say that's what Tucker did. We'll just combine the stories. This ties in so closely to a website i've been reading from on the show for a bit tucker called dickflash.com can i guess about what this guess what this is about this is taylor's

reddit he goes every day is that people that try and discuss the best methods to flashing their cock to people well that's um but a minor bit of this community what there actually are the big thing is posting their stories about like showing their cock to people i won't i won't get too into it because we've just discussed this at length but like there are real threads in there about people who will do what that guy did well we'll go to the doctor and like, be like, yeah, I took a couple of blue pills before I went and I shopped around for

dermatologists. And then I intentionally gave myself razor burn. And then I edged in the clinic bathroom before I went in. And then when I went in and she started checking around and said, it was just razor bumps, but I told her to keep looking. And I came all over a little bit, got on hand even like that's like what the threads are like there and it's remarkable because this is just uh it's just anti-vaxxers right we should just all

die we should just like expose ourselves to as bad of a disease as possible i don't think that's the anti-vax platform let's just let's just oh no dude if the anti-vaxxers ever ended up being right how embarrassing would that be look all of our kids not retarded your kids like we've all got mercury poisoning at 13 and they're like i fucking told you i fucking told you you thought fluoride was good for your teeth. It's not. You're dying. Welcome to the 25th Tater Bowl sponsored by the measles vaccine. Tater Bowl. Take it or you die.

I think there's measles breaking out in either New York or California right now. I can't tell if it's real. I don't know either. I can't tell if it's real. Do you think the modern media is lying to you, Woody? Modern media constantly lies to me. I keep going back to that one year, the year of the shark,

when it was just like a below average year for shark attacks, but a huge year for shark attack media. So are measles really breaking out in record-breaking numbers? Wasn't it eradicated? Is it just getting record-breaking coverage? No, I'm pretty sure measles were eradicated, right? Or technically eradicated, right?

They were eradicated here. Okay, so the point is that regardless of your opinion, there is data that suggests that measles are now not only not eradicated, but also multitudes higher than any other year previous. I contest your definition of eradicated, but also multitudes higher than any other year previous. I think it was like 95 or something like that. I couldn't test your definition of eradicated

then. Are you with the fucking scientists? If it's back, it wasn't eradicated! No, no, no. You're just semantics now. It was eradicated here, and then someone we brought over from another nation as an immigrant had measles. I blame the Swiss.

Because of anti-vaxxers, that spread more easily than it would have i think how about this can i give you 10 years of data so you can make an informed that sounds boring as shit informed are you new to the show tucker tucker right you're stupid as fuck That's the way you argue. Sorry. How do you feel? I feel a little bit like... What's the guy's name? I love this guy. He argues with Destiny all the time and loses. Who?

It's Dick. Dick. I feel a little like Dick right now. Oh, have they argued more than once? Twice, I think. I could be wrong i think it's at least twice and as much as i love dick destiny's good at this when did we have destiny is a great debater not long ago he's a master debate oh you're right it was only like five years ago he is a master debater i want his uh his friend on what's his friend's name it's like like a stereos or something yeah it that Asterios Coconus

He is hilarious He was actually divisive Divisive I mean to say I love that guy I thought it was one of our best shows ever But the audience reaction was with me and against me Did you guys have Destiny on? Twice maybe

Yeah twice Also divisive I I like him. And I think he's really smart. No, I think he's smart too. Audiences split. I don't even think the audience is that... Well, maybe they are split, but like... He's not dumb. He comes on and he knows

the kind of stream he's coming on. If he goes on a... Not stream, because we're not streaming, but he knows the kind of show he's coming on. If he's going on a fucking political show, he's ready for politics. If he's coming on a fucking... He's a's ready for politics. If he's coming on a fucking shit and be retarded show, he knows how to do that too. He's a good content creator

is what he is. He's great. He knows how to talk. He knows how to work with whatever he's got. He's a Twitch streamer or a YouTube streamer? No, he's a Twitch streamer. Oh, Ice is the YouTube streamer, right? Yes. Ice doesn't stream on YouTube streamer, right? Yes, Ice is the YouTube streamer.

No, Ice doesn't stream on YouTube anymore. He's CX Network. He got kicked off of YouTube? He might have just wanted his control. He might still be under YouTube, but he did this whole thing. Okay, so he made his own hub,

which is probably a smart move, given the fact that YouTube is going to ban him at some point. No, you didn't see the whole pyramid scheme thing? Oh, is that related? It was just all... It's not a pyramid scheme, Tucker. You just have to understand if you recruit people under you, they're just paying your investors

with other investors. It's not a pyramid scheme. It's a sideways scheme. I just take this money and I give it over here. Not vertical. It's just sideways. It's horizontal. money i give it over here not vertical it's just sideways it's horizontal business venture partner calls it the smoke and mirrors we just call it cloak and dagger no reason call it cloak and dagger i was good i was actually thinking the same thing i want i want uh one third credit kyle was first but i was thinking the same thing. All right, shot time.

I'd forgotten because I'm drinking this mixed drink that has two shots in it alone. I'm really upset with how much vodka water has entered my system during non-shot hours. I feel like I should at least get three passes at this point. Quite a bit in this glass.

I know, but my poor drink is empty. All right, shot time. All right, let's have a... Gets better as it goes, huh, Woody? Gets a little easier. Woody goes... Woody goes... I don't do anything like that.

Oh, there's a little left, too. You look like you just ate fucking cadmium or something like that. Cadmium? Interesting. I don't know what cadmium Or something like that Cadmium? Interesting I don't know what cadmium is but I think it comes back every Easter It's an element Shut up Cadmium is that cool ass

Tucker that is my best joke If you don't like it you're in trouble I got it it was just not that great It's as good as it gets That's S tier Cadmium? cadbury eggs. There's a joke here. I'm going to try and short it in.

And you're like, hey, here we are. Cadmium eggs. I give that joke. It's great. Oh, no. One enormous pepperoni nipple. There's only one nipple left. One enormous pepperoni nipple.

You know, the joke might have been lousy, but it turned into a good thing. Of a pepperoni nipple. This is the greatest rating. Next time we do anything, we all need to have some Italian deli meats and a whiteboard. The joke was lame, but I'm glad I made it. Pepper salami out of five. We do anything we all need to have some Italian deli meats and a whiteboard Pepper salami out of five we got large pepperoni

Maybe some like a prosciutto out of five Lady when I bought or so process When I bought a package of pepperoni and this glittery this glittery fucking poster board package of condoms and some, like, jergens. Hey, just don't ask questions. I could tell she was confused. At least you didn't spend a bunch of money on a hilarious Halloween costume that you couldn't even wear on the show. Condoms and jergens are one thing

or the other. I'm sorry, what? Jergens? What's that? Jergens. No, the hand lotion to masturbate with you. No, no, no. You can use it for lubrication for butt sex. Yeah. Oh, is that? You're not using That sounds like some rookie no. You can use it for lubrication for butt sex. Oh, is that? That sounds like some rookie shit. You can use it for a condom, rookie.

Wait, you... People use just regular-ass lotion for anal sex? I thought they used lube. Not everybody can come up with lube. Some people are embarrassed to buy lube. You know, I personally have no shame.

I think it's funny. This is the first I'm hearing of this guy. I think it's funny to send a girl. That's crazy because I have Zoman. I really held you to a higher standard. I sent a girl into Walmart one time to purchase the most embarrassing items I could think of.

See if she would. She had to get the biggest cucumber they had, condoms, and lubricant. This is like a weird form of S&M. Dog treats, dog treats, some duct tape. And 10 Plan B's. I got a big weekend plan.

Why could you make the same mistake 10 times in a row? Plan B is $75 a pill, by the way. No, it's a... I'm hearing you're not coming into your drink. No, if you get the off-brand Plan B at Walgreens, it's $30. Are you fucking kidding me right now? Are you fucking kidding me?

Not me, Kyle. If you go and get the off-brand bulletproof vest, it's a third the cost. Dude, this is hilarious because it literally fucking shows the active ingredients fest Literally fucking shows the active ingredients in the bottom right of all these things and if you look at plan B And then you look at the 40 dollars more exactly the same care personally Why you degenerate? Not plan a I have the punch card for plan B where if I get nine I have the punch card for plan B where if I get nine My plan B rewards card I

Got a flight to Spain and back It's actually just one way one way tickets it's just like one way to Spain. It's after the 10th one. Please leave the country and never come back. And you don't get any Plan B. Hi, I'm Taylor. And with my Plan B rewards card. It's called the Plan C rewards card. That would be a fun one. Plan C when all else fails.

Plan C is the one-way ticket. I like it. Plan C is just a flight of stairs. Oh no. I thought it was Plan C is just a flight of stairs. Oh, no. I thought it was going to be an airplane flight. No. You kick them down the stairs and then they have an abortion. Oh, no.

Which is something that I would only recommend in dire straits. I imagine that doesn't work unless you're really pregnant, but I don't know. Kicking people down the stairs.'t know First you don't succeed Try it That's true John Adams said that

John Adams yes No I'm sorry Sam Adams said that Ah yes Wow I love his beer that guy Sam Adams is great beer I'm such a fucking retard I thought for the longest time like yeah sam adams you know it's a it's an american kind of beer and then like maybe like six or

seven years ago i bought one and i'm like wait a minute that's not the president There's just some guy in a fucking goofy ass hat. That's great. Hey, I'm Sam. I'm Sam Adams, John's dirty brother. While he was making constitutions and shit, I was fucking up and down Was Sam Adams a guy too? I don't know. Yeah?

I mean, the answer is yes. A well phrased question. Real quick before we jump to the last thing. Kyle, can you... You want me to do another ad? You want me to do the last ad? Sorry, you want me to do it? I don't want to.

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make it happen, folks. Get those fancy, fancy sneakers. Sorry, what? Goat.com. Do you want to have lame-ass sneakers? No. Where do I get not lame sneakers? At goat.com. You go to goat.com if you want to look fly dot com that's exactly what it is tucker forward slash p pain pka thank

you yeah i don't know your fucking link So yeah Check out goat.com get yourself some dope ass Sneakers and look fly as fuck Walking around in your In your cool sneakers Woody would you suck toes Yeah do anything she wants Do you let her

Peg you No Would you If she held your marriage Over the edge would you if she said if she held your marriage over the edge and said I have to fuck you with a dildo a strap on I'm sorry

no not even would you get ass fucked for the kids in a situation like that if she expressed it to you genuinely that was something that would get her off not some marriage hostage thing something that would get her off, not some marriage hostage thing. Right, right. That would get you off, or get her off, rather.

Would you allow her to do that? At least once, maybe. Yeah, the marriage hostage thing, zero times. Hey, we love Woody. Hey, we love Woody. That's a brave man. You know what? You're not a real man until you're willing to put your asshole on the line in your relationship.

That whole ring is going to get blown out like they were on the Challenger. Yeah, the Maris Haas thing, I'm not going for that. But the this is my lifelong dream thing goes a lot further. Wow. Okay. What a wholesome and responsible. All right. Well, that was a pretty fucking measured response.

Not that great. It was a rational response. I was hoping it got out of left field. Sorry. I wasn't thinking it through. I was thinking my joke about O-Rings getting blown up just like the Challenger would get more laughs.

My earphones were out. Your audience is a little two sheets of the wind. That was 1986. I was not born, but I'm still here for the joke. It just wasn't that funny because they all died, Taylor. Yeah, Taylor, you meanie.

For the future of sports travel. Yeah, yeah. Just like the 91 towers as they burned. People all died. Ha ha ha. Very similar. Nice sense of humor, Taylor.

Real funny. I was hoping you'd clean up for the show. You know what? Oh, no. Quarter pepperoni. One quarter out of five? I think that's a third. No, I'm sorry, it's a third. Can you tell me I get a third out of... I get zero pepperoni nipples. One quarter out of five? I think that's a third. No, I'm sorry. It's a third.

I get zero pepperoni nipples. Oh, no, that's a quarter. Honestly, Kyle, I was impressed by how quickly you're picking it off and then biting a piece off. That was a very measured bite. To be honest, by the time we got to a quarter pepperoni nipple, they're getting pretty hot.

Wait, about those pepperonis, Kyle? Are these artisan, nice pepperonis, or are they cheap pepperonis? These are Publix Deli pepperonis. I wouldn't say that they are the fanciest pepperonis ever. Looks better than what you get on a pizza. Oh, yeah. Do you not like, I love peppered salami With sea salt on the crackers I was going for the most

I was trying to look as much like Elena's dirty dirty dark enormous nipples As possible She came on the show she was so great I don't fucking care She was funny So we had these two They had this couple on

And what they do is They have a YouTube channel called Sailing La Vagabond and it's elena they died didn't they no no they had a baby who they refer to as a stowaway and it's funny and adorable but somebody died one of those uh a sailing youtuber died yeah didn't we talk about it and they they died i don't know of them but i don't say it's impossible sailing youtube anyway they came on the show and they were wonderful and I'm still huge fans and Kyle

makes fun of Elena all the time. Mostly because she's super hot. Yeah, I used to say she was so hot I'd beat a pony to death with an aluminum baseball bat just to fuck her, but then she posted a picture of her titty with her infant sucking on it and she

had these enormous big well she had these enormous big dark pepperoni nipples yeah kyle may or may not be aware that's a temporary situation during breastfeeding yeah sure sure i mean before and after yeah sure sure look at look at fucking woody like hey listen i've been around the block here let me tell you about these areolas it's a temporary breastfeeding situation. This is my area of expertise. If it's underneath a quarter,

if it's a quarter or under, we're all about it. See, a quarter, that just means you like boy nipples. So, Tucker, I fuck so many boy nips. See? Taylor's on my team here. If you like quarter-sized nipples of a quarter a quarter that means you like nipples like your own and you're a little bit gay which is fine but that's

just where we are nobody nobody nobody watches porn is like i want to see some half limp dick i i think that you like boy nipples exclusively look at flaccid porn thank you tucker likes boy nipples and I'm not judging you for it. I'm just saying it's where we are. I just like a specific set of nipples. If they trend towards boys, that's what they do. Dude, it's okay with me.

I'm fine with the overwhelming majority of nips as long as they're on tits. That's what I was saying. You know how Taylor sounds? Taylor sounds straight. Yeah. It's 2019. I can't believe you're trying to shame me for being gay.

You've turned it back around. It's true because I'm actually I'm trisexual. Which is you try to have sex. Wait, hold on. How do you quantify that one?

It means I'm always trying to have sex. I have a PKA topic I set aside. Oh, you son of a bitch. So, you are sentenced to death and literally the entire world is hunting for you and everyone knows your face. What the fuck do you

do? You die. Go to Antarctica. Man, you'd probably be fucked. I can't even imagine something I would do. You just die. I'm way too fucking dumb to figure out a solution to that. None of us could survive. Yeah, I think I'd try to survive off the land unsuccessfully. Maybe Rocky Mountains.

If I became a trans person, then I might be... I would be the ugliest bitch on earth. Actually, transsexual is not a bad idea. I was going full Unabomber, like in Lifestyles, not in the bombing. I said, yeah, okay, Woody. I said I would. I'm going full Ted Kaczynski, just off in the woods. I feel like we could all live somewhere in Brazil. Like in some city.

I really need Amazon one day delivery. I don't know where you're getting this idea that I could live without it. Well, the Amazon rainforest is down there. Shut the fuck up. What's the name of the country that hit all the Nazis? Argentina? If they can hide Nazis, they can hide me.

Right? I was going to go visit my uncle Mannheim down there But the Shoa Foundation Protested my travel visa So it didn't work out My great grandpa Adolf never leaves Never leaves Google Shoa Foundation

And you'll get that joke Yeah, I was like I bet that joke is funny to some people, but I don't know how many shots in since most of them aren't full shots. I give my own joke. I had like a hamburger like 18

hours ago. I'm so hungry. Taylor, do you have any tendencies for Tucker on your list? Yeah, and I haven't crossed them because I already know what I think. I already think I know what my tendency is, and I'm actively avoiding it. Tucker, you say what you think your tendency is. Wait, wait, wait, wait. If I get it right, everybody else has to take a shot, but I can't.

Agreed, agreed. Okay. My tendency was I have to be like aggressively ashamed of being here because whatever discussion is happening is going to adversely affect my career oh that's a good guess tucker distances himself from bigoted joke oh my god i'm gonna allow that i'm gonna yes that's a shot for the rest of us That's a fucking funny thing You got it As soon as he said it

I knew it was true I was like What is the one thing That I think somebody would Quantum Would be like Hey this is Tucker's gonna do this shit

Alright Again I don't wanna Run from it But I'm taking half a shot Because if I don't I will I will tap

I'll just lay on the ground For the last hour Half a shot Yeah yeah yeah Fair enough Fair enough Yeah I don't You call'll just lay on the ground for the last hour. Half a shot. Yeah, I don't know. You call it what you want. Yeah, okay. Well, you called it that. Cheers, fellas. I'm just really proud. But seriously, they're enormous and dark and gross.

What? Oh, the nipples? I like them. I root for them to have good things in life. Well, suckle them yourself. That's all you. I don't want any part of that. I've been them to have good things in life. Well, suckle them yourself. That's all you. I don't want any part of that. I've been there. Not on hers in particular. Yeah, yeah.

Woody, how long have you guys been married for? I don't even know. Maybe some 96. That's not the right answer. Yeah, yeah. 23 years? Thank you. Something like that.

Yeah, 23 years just passed. My mom... Wait, actually, this is really interesting. I have to... Pretty sure my parents... I'm going to disagree with the really interesting part. Oh, it is your podcast. I'm sorry.

No, have at it, Woody. No, I'm just being an asshole, and I'm sorry. I just... Oh, here's a PKA topic. Men with beards carry more germs than dogs, study finds. Dogs don't. Dogs have very okay, like very clean mouths. A new study finds men with beards carry more germs than dogs.

Swiss researchers tested facial hair of men and dog fur for various breeds. That's not the only load they're going to find. Some of these men tested positive for microbes that actually posed a threat to human health. Experts say men should shampoo their beards regularly. Is that a thing you do? I bet it is. I bet you shampoo your beard. Wait, people don't shampoo their beard? I don't, but I never let mine get to be much of a beard.

You just rinse your beard off? It's just hair on your face the same way this is hair on your head. You have to shampoo the whole bit. So do you shampoo it as one motion? Just like... Yeah. Yeah, I just shampoo everything all at once. And then I like...

Well, I'm a man, so I buy the Triple Threat Shampoo Body Wash Conditioner. Oh my god. Is it by Axe? No, it's by Dove. Dove for Man or some shit. I just buy whatever the cheapest thing is i don't care wow and i i i do all that up kyle's looking at you disapproving everything and then and then i'm i'm all good i'm all good i always make sure to get my ass as well you know shampoo

your chest hair and your pubes and your leg hair are you just one big like stay puff marshmallow shampoo man i i keep my my pubes short because that's more comfortable but my chest hair yeah i shampoo my chest hair as well and my armpit hair and everything but i only shampoo that because i use a shampoo conditioner body wash oh you do a three i just put that all over myself and clean my ass. Did you know that apparently a lot of people don't clean their ass in the shower? Everybody should clean their ass. Yes.

Three in ones are fine. Huge numbers of people don't even clean their ass in the shower. I didn't start cleaning my ass until I was like a young teenager when it was like, hey, you know what? I should. Yeah, you should clean your ass i discovered it on my own how many fingers do you not clean your

to get the inside all four obviously i use a that i just dip in a big vat of it and i ass, and then I let the vibrations do the Yeah Yeah, I People take showers if you're out there, and you're one of these no ass washing people what the fuck are you thinking? That's great You know what I like that I've started using the last couple of years? A scrub brush on a stick to clean my back.

Like a loofah? Yeah, I use a loofah that has handles on either end. It's about... Okay. My hands won't even make it. I'm going to say three feet long. And it's very rough on one side. And it's more like a washcloth on the other.

And I exfoliate my entire back and ass with it and it keeps like like like i used to get like a pimple on my ass occasionally or on my back and i i was this is what i was telling ice beside because i don't know if you've ever seen ice beside his back but it's disgusting you showed it to us i had gnarly back knee growing up though yeah like really tat like the worst and you can't pop it yourself so honestly you better hope you have a girlfriend who's into that shit or or because it's so awkward to pop them yourself that you have to wait until they get super angry and then like do this move like you just fell down an embankment and you're and your and your hand is like way back here dislocated and then squeeze it really awkwardly

and then there's just blood everywhere running down your back. It's awful. Never in my life have I had back knee. That's because you took Accutane, you silly fuck. Of course not. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I get it. Hold on.

Yeah, I had the worst back knee where I would go out and I would sunbathe to get super terribly sunburned on my back. So it would scar my like so there was no way that I could get acne it would just be peeling and then it would be tan or whatever the fuck so you replace your acne with cancer that sounds like a teenager decision

shut the fuck up Matt nobody nobody asked you wow I'm trying to well accessible to females 65 year old me is like the doctor goes hey you've got back cancer by the way 20 years from now you're gonna be like fucking woody was right so yeah i like that he called me Matt during his tirade. Why don't I ever call Woody Matt? Call you back down.

Because you want to get your checks on time. And also, just calling Woody Matt feels weird. Nobody does. He doesn't seem like a Matt, does he? Only his mother calls him Matt. Get him off his pedestal. The pedestal that Woody provides. The name after a hard-on.

Make up his own fancy name. Oh, by the way, call me Emperor Zool. That's what I like to be called, by the way. Emperor Zool is actually prestigious, though. I was like, call me Boner. Because I occupy that high status. That's my actual name, legally. By the way, this is kind of a Woody-related topic. Oh, that's right. I didn't even think that through. Yeah, my name is legally Boner. Because I occupy that high status. That's my actual name, Legally. By the way, this is kind of a Woody related topic.

Oh, that's right. I didn't even think that through. Yeah, my name is Legally Boner. So they're making another. Cool as fuck, dude. Not really. So they're making another. It really is.

That's hilarious. They're making another Toy Story movie. Anyways. All right, right? So they're making another Toy Story movie. It's coming out in June or July, I think. But they're also making another Child's Play movie. It's the reboot. It's the one with

Chucky, the doll, the evil doll. Mark Hamill is playing Chucky. He's doing the voice of Chucky. And Aubrey Plaza plays the little boy's mother who has the doll. And she's like, oh, it's just a doll, little kid. It's not murdering

people. You know, she's that role and uh their advertising poster uh so the advertising poster for toy story five or whatever it is has like woody in like this very specific sort of background it's like a gray sort of fade from like blonde to dark from top to bottom sort of and woody wearing his hat and being like and then the child's play one has woody laying there stabbed to death and bloody and chucky like stepping out of frame like they're totally like like like sort of making a play on it it was pretty cool i thought i watched the preview for the new chucky the new child's play movie and i thought the cgi the cgi chucky looks bad the old ones weren't good no they weren't but it wasn't it wasn't about like the

how good the animation was about like setting it up for a what is that a real thing kyle or is that if i i saw it and i thought it was fan made but i just made no no it's it's what they did it's what the makers of the film did it's's in the next six months or so. I saw a bunch of advertisement for it. It's next month or the one after. It's getting mad about how Sonic looks. Yeah, look. Those people are complaining about Sonic. They just said that they're going to change Sonic's model, which is weird.

So was this all a giant advertising campaign to get people to to be like that's not what sonic looks like so because if not it was just that bad i think it was that bad it was that shut up it was that bad have you did you look at it it was we're agreeing though why are you so mean to me i thought you said that it was not that bad. No. I said it was that bad. It was terrible. I think I was disagreeing with the conspiracy theory that they intentionally made it bad.

I said it was just that bad. No, I believe it is that bad. I would be shocked if they rectified the whole issue by re... It's a multi-million dollar movie. They can't just re... It's not like re-rendering your YouTube video. You can't just fix the model and re-render it. You can't just be like, hey, we just fixed the model. I don't really know

Blender, but I think you can. You just change the model and re-render it. No, what if the model is shorter? So you have to direct the people that are around the model to look down more right like there's true you know what i mean it's not like uh it's not like you're just very interesting thing to talk about taylor's shitting on your topic no yeah that was sarcastic it's your topic that

sarcasm was dripping so badly there's a wet spot next to taylor no it's in my seat i was just gonna say that i didn't care how sonic looked frankly i think it's a movie about a cartoon hedgehog that runs real fast unsettling what it looks like it's a little unsettling i'll admit but the regular one looks a little unsettling its eyes are enormous and close together but well whatever 99 of people understand what sonic looks like he's got big feet he's got big gloves and the masses are not okay with this representation it should be what we need to be focusing on what people understand to be sonic but jim carrey seems to be coming i'm taxing you for it jim carrey's gonna to carry this fucking movie. It's the Jim Carrey movie to me. Because he looks like he's going to be

Jim Carrey from the fucking 90s. He's me, myself, and Irene. Dumb and dumber. Jim and Carrey. Or Jim Carrey. It looks really funny. Jim and Carrey. Jim and Carrey.

They're both there. Two for the price of one. And he looks like Professor Robotnik in that still that i saw uh with the the blown out mustache and the gargles uh it looked real cool i i'm definitely down uh i don't know why everybody gets so so mixed up about this sort of thing it's a movie about sonic the fucking hedgehog and i grew up that was the game i played like some kids were nintendo kids some kids were sega kids okay some people had super nintendo some people had sega genesis i had sega genesis it was the lame one i think and i played sonic the hedgehog i played all of

the sonic the hedgehog games i was fucking spin dashing around with tails and collecting rings that was the video game of choice for me and and i feel like i'm more qualified to to say whether or not sonic looks the right way or not than anyone. And I don't give a fuck. It's a cartoon movie about Sonic the fucking Hedgehog with Jim Carrey playing Professor Robotnik. Get over yourselves. If you didn't snowboard down San Francisco as a shadow, you weren't a real Sonic the Hedgehog fan. Tucker, I hate these comics you're linking up Kirby with. They're so unfortunate.

Are they not? I don't like that. Hey, Woody. Go click on the link. Look at the images that I sent right now. Look at them. It's Sonic without shoes. It's Sonic without shoes and it's Kirby without shoes.

Unless he got hairy foot knuckles like Kyle. He's got Very defined feet Really upsetting is Kyle. Do you trim your foot hair? But yeah lady comes over Well, not necessarily for a lady comes over but but pretty regularly I take my beard trimmer and I just just run over them just run over them wait on what level that was a joke question level seven like yeah yeah no at what level do you trim the foot hair at uh i put it on like the smallest like like 0.4 millimeters or something like that and i don't do it for like women or anything uh i do it because when i put ridiculous when i put socks on like legitimately like when i put

socks on like the hair grows toward your toes and the socks pull the hair backwards. And so after I pull the hair... Do that with your fingers again. You're right. Ew, what the fuck? You don't know about this? What is this X to the second power looking ass hand you got? Kyle has something called swan fingers.

Which means his fingers will aggressively attack you if you walk too close to them in the park. It'll break your arm. So you're saying your hairs go backwards on your toes, so you cut them super close so they can't go anywhere. No, they grow forward on the toes, but the socks push them back. I'm never coming on PGA again.

That's a drink. So alarming. Oh no! That's a borderline drink. When you, no! That's a port-a-lie drink. When you say you're never coming back on again, that's a drink. Everybody take a shot. Look at this. It's like an S.

I thought I was going to avoid it the whole night. Or like a Z or something, right? I don't want to flex on Kyle, but I got to think. Man, that looks painful. Yeah, you start fingering. I'm not using other fingers the ladies love it neither is Kyle

what do you mean Kyle it's so upsetting dude your fingers are fucking gross check out the thumb nobody's ever been like thank god you could

do that kyle i was not gonna fuck you but now i swear to god i swear to god i've had many women be like turns out those fingers are quite the gift huh i'm like absolutely because it's hard to tell on camera but they're very long kyle these people would say anything to you these they're you're talking they have to or I won't let them go. You scooped out a Walmart. You were like, in the fuck? Kyle's going to get fucking kidnapped. I'd like to play a game.

Unless you can put your thumb up against your wrist. Your hands are so nimble. Without using the saw. Kyle's like, you better tell me how nimble those hands are. Sometimes I do bring the sawzall into the bedroom. If you've never seen a dildo. Hey, we got to do this like right now or else. My Sawzall is not variable speed, and I don't think anyone would like it.

Dude, you got to get the variable speed one. You turn that bitch up to 10, and that dildo turns into like a mirage. If you're turning it up to 10, why do you need variable speed? Because I want to start low. I want to warm it up. It's a Sawzall, Tucker. It's a Sawzall. It's a reciprocating saw.

You pull a trigger and a blade. It's not a Hitachi? No, I have many Hitachis. This is a Sawzall. It's a reciprocating hand saw. So girls don't want to feel like they're the first to use these toys are they okay with you breaking out matt you've been married for years shut up you're not no no they don't know anything

you know the people that i'm like hey i'm trying to tinder hey i gotta i gotta hand all that i got a dildo attached to yeah no if if hypothetical tinder woody were out there and and they were like hey here's some toys you're the 19th person to try it i'd be like yeah i threw a condom on it i put a condom on the toilet oh oh oh thank god you oh you think you're the first to use my dick as well like nobody's complaining about that like am i the first one to ever suck your dick no absolutely not also not the first one to use this 14 horsepower receiver but i have an eight inch rubber cock attached to and when i turn it up to 10 it moves at the

speed of fucking sound until the point where it's a virtual mirage of cockery. What if you just totally bang her cervix and wreck it and hurt her? Some of us are only pushing two inches. I don't know what the question is. Are we taking this shot or not? I was waiting on it, but somebody didn't pour it

and I think it was Woody. No, that's not true. Oh no, it was Kyle then. I love the Kyle approach of pouring healthy i'm a little scared of my shot all right here what proof is that kyle is that 80 yeah okay i figured him i was thinking it might even be higher than that because like those custom tequilas often get higher i i really would say if anyone out there drinks tequila that's been consumed today and it's not the sun's not even down i've tried a lot of fancy tequilas lately and this one is about 50 50 or 60 bucks a bottle uh for 755

mils uh so it's not cheap it's it really isn't no that's expensive as shit dude well i i also that other bottle that i sent you the picture of the one that's uh sort of square or rectangular that was 90 for the same amount um and it's got it literally has crystals of like uh blue agave sugars floating in it until you give it a shake and then they immediately dissolve it still wasn't as good as this what's the brand of that what's that called this is look i'm not spanish oh no that not that one the one where you have to shake it up to get oh because that resistance. It sounds kind of cool, probably annoying in reality, but... No, you just give it a shake

and it's all done. You know, it's not like you shake it every time. I'm going to look it up on my phone because I took pictures of it. Mine's also 80 proof. I was looking at it trying to figure out how much proof it was, and all I learned is how much the recycle value was. Wow, it's crazy. It's almost like every adult beverage is 80 proof. Most

of them are. I'm sorry, these are not things that 80 proof. Most of them are. I'm sorry. These are not things that I know. Some of the nice ones are not. If you buy a nice whiskey, it'll be like 94 proof. Woodford Reserve. Hey, next time we should do this. We all go out and we get an Everclear. And then we pour a Gatorade concentrate, the lemon lime. Yeah. Mix it with water. And then we pour Gatorade concentrate, the lemon-lime.

Mix it with water, and then you get... So most adult liquors and stuff are 80 proof? Yeah. I didn't realize it was standardized. I thought they were all different. Like Jack Daniels would be 80 proof? Yeah. Wait, but Tucker, the problem is that

Everclear is not legal in all 50 states. It's legal in our state. Where all of us... No, no, no. I was speaking on behalf of Woody and Kyle because I'm in Missouri. We have drive-thru, ammo, booze, and fucking

tobacco station. Alright, look. Time out. Time out. He's real drunk. He's doing time out, time out. Oh, my God. So he's real drunk. Yeah, he's hammered. He's doing his best. He is.

Okay. God forbid. Okay, good for him. But for the comedy of the show, first of all, Taylor, that tequila is called Cantera Negra. That's the $90 a bottle. I'm sorry. Okay, guys, we're just doing this on the internet.

Yeah, you want to take a jigger of Cantera Negra. It's delicious. We need to keep pushing this man, okay? He is this close to laying on the cold tiles of his bathroom floor mode. And we need to get him there. Also, Tucker,

I love that you're being abusive to him. Because he's not used to that. And he is this close to fucking snapping, alright? You think he's not used to that and he is this close to fucking snapping All right, he doesn't he's that close. I don't think he's that close at all No, I think he's got another like I think he's got two more drinks in them before I feel like he's he's not that close To sleeping on a tile floor. Maybe you have better read on him than we do. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Oh, he's absolutely shit, but he's not no no he's He walked out of the room pretty fucking easily. He wasn't stumbling. No, he didn't. That's what I was laughing at.

That's what we were pointing at. Like, like, like... Okay, well, then fuck me. I'm drunk enough to not notice. Like, I'm now at the point... I'm now at the point where I shouldn't drive. For sure. 100%. Now? Now

you're at the point? Because after three hours of heavy drinking, now's the time I would not get behind a motor vehicle. With your maniacal plan. Gotta keep pushing him. Gotta keep pushing him. And Taylor, you've got to stop excusing the little shots. You gotta stop being like,

hey, it's totally understandable. Everybody gets it. You gotta stop that. Because if Woody gets that drunk, like, hey, it's totally understandable. Everybody gets it. No. You've got to stop that. You've got to stop that. Because if Woody gets that drunk, it's going to ruin the show. He's going to be too drunk. There's no such thing. It's going to ruin it.

He's at the right amount of drunk. When he walks back, we could literally be like, hey, Woody, what do you think about slavery? And he'd be like, well, let me tell you about the benefits of it. And I'd be like, wow, incredible take. Well, look, I got a John Deere in the garage, okay? And it doesn't want anything from me other than fuel. He's like, listen, the top of my –

If I had eight Picaninnies out there, they just needed some pinto, beans, and corn, same difference, right? And they'd get a place to stay. That's the future. I'm just saying, where do we manipulate Woody from here on out? What's the end goal here? I think the end goal here is to get him actually drunk. Because I don't think he's actually drunk.

I do think he's actually drunk. No. No, he's actually drunk like when you – He's on the bird's front. Say something really bigoted, and then, Tucker, you distance yourself from it. He needs three more shots. Oh, so we beat the shot? He needs three more shots in the next

half hour to get him actually drunk. Because he's forming coherent sentences. I don't want to do three shots in the next half hour. Well, don't be a fucking pussy or anything. You're a big boy. Alright, fine. I'll do it. I just need my pizza to come. Dude, I ordered a quart of ice cream.

What kind of pizza did you order? I ordered two. I ordered a pepperoni jalapeno Dude, I ordered a quart of ice cream. What kind of pizza did you order? I ordered two. I ordered a pepperoni jalapeno pizza and then a cheese. Man after my own heart. Same here. Big fan. Pepperoni jalapeno and pepperoni jalapeno. Is it thin crust, deep dish, pan?

Normal crust. I'm down to do pan crust. I would rather Chicago meat stuffed. Thank you! Thank you. Dude, you've been to Chicago with us before, I think. I was born... No, I have not been with you. Oh, that's a shame. It's a shame you never got to come on one of the paintball trips.

I was not there. That's a shame. With T. Martin and everybody and we always had a good time. You guys did that paintball shit. Alright, so there's a place called Lou Malnati's. Are you familiar with Lou Malnati's? Or maybe Geno's East? Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so there's a place called Lou Malnati's. Are you familiar with Lou Malnati's? Or maybe Geno's East? Maybe.

Geno's, yeah. Geno's. All right, you can order Geno's online. Like, if you prefer Geno's, like, if you know it. And they'll ship it out? They'll ship it out over fucking night. Like, I order... All right, so that's what my birthday present for my parents was.

They did the same thing for Maryland. They shipped out a bunch of fucking crab cake. There's just like three pounds of crab in a Tupperware. And I was like, I'm just going to put it on a baking tray and then just fucking throw that shit in the oven. So good, but I really do miss deep dish pizza. Dude, order it. Is that what Maryland is known for?

Crab cakes and football. That's what Maryland does. I ordered four of those deep dish Chicago pizzas the other day. I ordered four of them. Maryland is known for crab cakes and blue crab. Oh, that's what Maryland does. I ordered four of those deep dish Chicago pizzas the other day. I ordered four of them. It was like $135 fucking dollars because I got them overnight or whatever. And they ship it. Is it individual, like, it's like pre-made shipped in boxes?

No, no, no. So they, like, make it and they put it. Yeah, they make it that day and then they freeze it in this like a metal tin you take it out of the metal tin and put like vegetable oil in the metal tin put it back in the middle tin in there and then you bake it and it's fucking good i can eat like three quarters of a pizza like i can't i can't finish it or anything it is it is it i it is the pie of uh for adults it. It is that good. Every time I talk to somebody who's never had deep-ditch pizza, they're like, why would I want that?

I want to fold over 19 slices of cardboard. Dude, you know what's underrated as fuck? It's Detroit-style pizza, which is like that Jets. I don't know if Jets pizza is everywhere but it's like the in the pan like they've got it is a pan it's well it's square and so they've got a ton of edges wait wait wait that's so in maryland we have lito's pizza it is square pan style it's all it's that's the same thing yeah and that pizza tastes so fucking good because it's like a mix between you've got the deep dish where you've got the the cheese and the toppings on top water but it's not like fucking uh deep dish chicago because deep

dish chicago i hate deep dish chicago why do you why do you hate why do you hate it it's it's it's okay for me i don't i don't hate it because it actually tastes really good it's just it's not pizza it's lasagna it's a type of it is yeah yeah yeah i will agree with you it is not like so it's fantastic it tastes great but it's lasagna it's not pizza if you can't pick it up with your hand and munch on it it's not angry i agree you can kind of um i sent you a link there taylor if i mean tucker if you're at all interested i'm very interested right now that's where that's where I ordered it from. Kyle, did you see the post on our subreddit of someone who was like,

listened to PKA Wasted and ended up with this, and he showed a picture of like seven Lou Malnati's pizzas there that he paid hundreds of dollars for to ship to like 600 dollars a pizza. You're the man. You're not quite as good as that fucking gynecologist but you're almost as good you're a runner-up in the cool i'll pour one out for that guy yeah what's up excuse me you uh you you uh gathered a bunch of um uh questions on twitter i feel like now's a great time to do that right now

yeah let me look through some of these because just start an overwhelming number of them are just asking what all three of us think about certain i know racial groups what do you think about the blacks i was like i just i don't know if i can answer that one guys oh that's a friendly one i'm seeing a lot other ones oh i know i'm taught i also friend we're thinking oh oh this is one i actually wanted to ask you about because yeah i borderlands one in borderlands two i love i had so much fun with the borderlands game a lot of borderlands you have played borderlands three now i have where do you honestly stack rank it against the first two all right uh ft

ftc disclosure i was uh i was not paid for any of this i just got the uh the okay to stream it um so i played the first like i guess I would say the second mission for Borderlands 3. After they did all the intro shit, it was good. It felt like a Borderlands game. It was a solid game. But I'm more interested in what they can add value-wise to the content that they're already shipping with. So it's a good game.

If you liked Borderlands 1 and 2, you're going to like the Borderlands 3. But it's not... Was the weapon structure similar to what it was before where it's all randomized? No, so I only got to play on a controller. So it was fine. It felt great randomized no so i only got to play on a controller so it was fine it felt great it played great it was fine i'm just hoping that they are going to yeah that's

not at all content i don't understand your question then what was the were the weapons just as cool as they are in borderlands yeah yeah like randomized and you feel like you want a jackpot when you get no no there's exactly what you wanted. So like I spawned in a bunch of weapons. I had a bunch of legendaries. So I had one that was like a shock. You could cycle between impact and delay. With the electric reloaded.

Right. So there's variety, it's very good it's just it sounds like it's more of the same can I jump in here? I've played every Borderlands game I'm down for more of the same I'm very excited

I'm just saying that there's nothing that's going to be there that you're like oh my god I didn't expect Borderlands 3 to do good if i'm a game developer i feel like life is unfair because my expectation is that every game surpasses the one before it i didn't say equals the one before i said surpasses it i've played every borderlands game i think more than once so i've played a lot of borderlands too yeah i'm just saying i know the series, right? Like, I'm a real Borderlands player. what I want from the next Borderlands

is it to somehow have more story and less fetch quest-y. My experience with Borderlands is that they build a map and I know how challenging that is. Then they have me run back and forth across it again and again and again to make the game take 20 hours. And I'm like,

this is, this isn't what fun is. Yeah, I will, I will say this. They, uh, it's,

it, it, it seemed like the instances where, um, you, you'd, uh, we had 90 minutes for the playtest demo and we could choose between two

characters and we could run through it all, whatever. Um, the instances that we could you know activate whether it was like a side quest or a main mission we'd run over we'd uh we'd activate the side quest it would happen um we'd we'd run through with whatever they they asked us asked us to do it was fine um i don't think it would be like i don't think it would be bad it just wasn't it wasn't like what you wanted it's it's not like oh i should spend additional time to play this it was just like if i if i want to 100 the game how were How were they setting it up? Because I remember the last Borderlands thing was like... Wait, solo only?

For the playtest. I mean, obviously, it's like a four-person demo. Yeah, so it was a solo playtest. Sorry, we're hella drunk. But it was a solo playtest. No, I'm interested. No, I'm just saying to the viewers. It was fine. It was fun.

It was what I wanted from a Borderlands game, but 45 minutes in, I just kind of want to play with my friends. Borderlands is a good game to play while you talk about whatever the fuck else you want to talk about. We can do PKA on Borderlands, and it would be incredible, but Borderlands, the game, it's not but borderlands the game is not like this it's not like the witcher it's not like red dead it's not like this incredible storytelling mission where you're like i pay attention to every single detail here it doesn't have to be though because

it's borderlands like you just right go off the silly storyline that's not a negative thing it's not at all it's great yeah yeah it's just it's a great game for podcasty friends enjoying themselves together so when we play tested it and we're all solo it's just kind of hard to get a read on it right like it's missing because half your fun experience is playing with friends right tucker it's only coming out because maybe i'm well i am drunk now but is part of your hair dyed red or is that my fucked up camera I see it too I think it's the lighting

oh it's the lighting okay because I was about to launch into a tirade about how much what do you have up there Tucker it's a nanogen Chris shut up it's built into your roof ceiling no it looks like just like

something you placed up there. It's on my roof. This is like a... I can't hear you. It's like a Velcro. It's Velcro. It provides overhead lighting. Now, why do you want overhead lighting?

Because I find that just provides... Chris, shut the fuck up! Overhead lighting just makes you look bad right you want front facing lighting i don't know the fact that you didn't notice it until like now i i rarely uh tucker nobody's saying you're not very cute yeah tucker i'd fuck you my uh green screen. Tucker has no headphones on, so we can say anything. I mean, no one's denying I would absolutely fuck Tucker. He's a cute guy.

It's the new haircut. The short haircut? Oh my god, I brailed that dude. Hell yeah, he's getting some za right now. I don't know who he's on the phone with, but I feel like I need to compete with him. He's on the phone with the pizza guy who's outside.

Really? Or I imagine that. Or whatever delivery I hadn't even considered that I could order pizza right now. That's a real thing I could do. There's personalities where they're like, I'm not going to go outside to buy food.

Where they just order everything in. Yeah, I'm ordering a Waffle House. Hell yeah, dude. What do you got? You got wings on top of that? Oh, he can't hear. Do you have wings on top of that? You got wings and a couple of Zodas?

I honestly can't remember what I ordered. I want some grits. Let's put this one together. Ooh, some eggs and grits. Yeah, ordered. I want some grits. Ooh, some eggs and grits. Yeah, I'm getting eggs and grits. Do you like grits that much? I fucking love grits. I don't think they're that great.

Why are you fucking stupid? Well, I mean... You know, that's something I often say. You really don't like grits, though? No, no, no. It's not that I dislike them. It's just like they kind of taste like nothing. Kyle, please continue your thought. For a head this size of Taylor's, you'd think he'd be so much more...

So much more not retarded. You know, with a head that big, you should have a brain that doesn't mean you're a total fucking idiot. Yeah, I thought you would scale that one in. Because I am. I am a retard. I'm a fat-headed retard. You should have a brain that doesn't mean you're a total fucking idiot Cuz I am I am a retard I'm a fat-headed retard don't take anything I say I just can we acknowledge how weird this is look at this What is it? What is in here? Sure, I'm seeing is a white bag, and it's not that weird you got churros in that bag. Do you have churros?

I'm guessing breadsticks or churros I'm so drunk i'm looking at pizza with pineapple on it and thinking yes a place so probably breadsticks what is in this bag it is a piece of uh cookies all right ready if it's booze that'd be cool as fuck that's the least cool thing you could have thought. Yeah, why would you put a bottle of water in a bag? I can't think of anything dumber than water.

It's literally the worst thing. Like, what did that add to this whole thing? That's hilarious. Like, a bit like where a homeless guy is drinking water out of a paper bag, and he gets pulled over and he's like, man, I'm just trying to get hydrated and shit

and the police officer's like you still don't have a license well you're still black so we're taking you in jigger man anyways hey how about pg-13 movies man i think those movies are definitely cool. Where are we going from here? Somebody, like, pawn up a good conversation topic. Well, the thing about Jews...

Look, look, look. They're always playing the victim right i mean i i thought that's where we were going i thought we'd finally no no no i got it so it's finally The future of PKA. I have for us another topic. Many times we have discussed the future of PKA. So here's one. The fourth rank of PKA. We used to go to Am I the Asshole all the time on PKA for funny shit. And so I've got a good one, and it's actually rated very high in this subreddit.

And I'm going to get your guys' perspective. I'm going to read this passage now. It's not too long. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Tyler, wait. Can we delegate speaking to each person so nobody jumps the gun so we can get the true unadulterated opinion of each person?

Yeah, I don't fucking care. Sure, sure, we can do that. Fuck you, bro. What the fuck? I'm a little confused on this plan. Shut up! No, no, no. The way it goes is I'm going to read it, and then it will initially pass to

Tucker. He'll get his initial response. No one interrupt him, please. I'm like a Senate person now, asking that. So so here we go would i be the asshole if i ask my pregnant wife to move out because she and her best friend decided to test in quotes my loyalty my wife is pregnant with our daughter initially we were very happy and excited about it but then she started acting like a nutjob. She got angry and irritated for small things, insults me

when she doesn't like the food I make, starts acting insecure, and accuses me of losing attraction for her. For example, she wanted to eat chicken sandwiches for dinner last week. Well, I made chicken sandwiches. So she eats all the sandwiches, leaves me nothing, and told me

that they tasted like shit. This bitch is hilarious. So far. I wasn't pissed because she left me nothing. But if she didn't like them, why did she have to eat everything? When I asked her this, she told me that she was not hungry.

Okay, fine. She does this every time. She's pregnant, right? Yeah. Yeah. She does this every time. Eats everything I make and calls it shit. I don't argue with her because I work for more than 80 hours a week.

And I really want to have some peace when I'm home. So yesterday, a random girl starts flirting with me at the gym and asked me if I wanted to meet up with her for some drinks. I rejected her and told her that I was married. And when I got home, my wife started to hug me and apologize. When I asked her what happened, she told me that her best friend suggested a test for my loyalty. So they asked a mutual friend to flirt with me and asked me out.

And I passed. Yay. I'm really pissed. I'm done with her antics. Would I be the asshole if I asked her to move out? Yeah, you would be. No, move that bitch out. No, why would you?

No, shut up. Move that fat cow out. Move her big pepperoni nipples down the fucking road. Move them down the road. Move them down the road. I'm calling it. Oh, no. Move them big, melty, stretched,

jailed, you sadistic fuck. Engorged, veiny, titty, down the road, eating all your food and shitting on it motherfucker You're cooking cleaning bringing home the bacon and putting it in the pan fuck that whore fucker fucker Yeah, what's up buddy? No, by the way you look like you're enjoying it. I'm calling the shot for that one. What kind of pizza is it I? Have two I don't know what the other one is, but this is a hot thing. It looks fucking tasty.

No, Taylor, we're on your thing. I think we got Kyle's answer. Tucker, what's your answer on this one? Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. I drank. Oh, my God. If you weren't looking, I can't do it again. Wait, wait.

I'm sorry. What was my answer? Oh, I spilled some. That's gross. It's all over me. Tucker, it's your turn to both drink and give your answer to Taylor's question.

To what? To am I the asshole? If that guy is the asshole. Oh, yeah. You already won the battle. Why are you trying to stoke the flame? She already accepted you. I don't understand this at all.

What is your answer? Here's the fucking thing. She already accepted him. Right. She qualified the... She is giving these bullshit orchestrated situations to try and trip him up. That is duplicitous,

manipulative, debaucherous. It is something that I would never tell my congregation to engage in. And that is a no from Pastor Taylor. Shut the fuck up. Listen, if you were like,

hey, I want to stick with her. You already won the battle. You already ran the gamut. She's like a ride or die now. You already won the battle. You already ran the gamut. She's like a ride or die now. You already turned it down, right? You think that when you indulge a crazy woman's one crazy thing, she's going to stop?

Taylor, I'm saying that... Taylor, was it your rule to let Taker go uninterrupted? Oh, wow, that was a rule. That was a rule, sorry. About 15 seconds ago. However, I am also going to side with Taylor in saying that this bitch is ridiculous. This is a bad idea. There's no beneficial thing that's going to come from jumping in feet first into this and saying, like, hey, we're going to run this through.

jumping in feet first into this and saying like, Hey, we're going to run this through. However, if you did want to run the gamut, she already accepted you throughout your, your trials. Like you're, you're good.

We got two pepperonis out of five. Like that's like, what else do you want? Honestly, Kyle, I would give that lady one pepperoni at a five, which I think, I think she's the best.

Dude, Kyle, this pepperoni bit is one of the funniest things you've ever shown, and I am a huge fan of it. I like that we went from a third to a quarter pepperoni earlier. It started getting really good. I feel like that when we got to a quarter pepperoni, she started

getting hot. And it seemed like a positive rating. My take on this thing is that pregnancy insanity is temporary insanity. And it's to be tolerated. You would know. You would know better than any of us, but I am 1 million percent positive that Jackie never did anything like this when she was pregnant.

You know what she did? She was pretty much disabled. I had to tie her shoes for her. Everything on the ground I had to pick up. Drive her all the way to the clinic? Temporary disabled. You deal with it. Was she a wheelchair? No, but oh, she did.

She didn't get ordered to have bed rest. Bed rest is like a really specific thing. I was very curious about how much she needed to do for once the deed was done. She was ordered to have some sort of low activity and I did everything. Sounds like a cop out, dude. If I was having a child, I would push that shit out without any boundaries. You would, Tucker. You would be the best

pregnant dude ever. Thank you. Here's another great question from my Twitter account. I like that I'm Matt. I knew we were together. You and me, brother. How do you even do that? You and me, brother.

We're fighting this out. Can't wait to have a child. I need that ability. Tucker is a verified six foot tall man. Whereas Woody is a mere 5'11". Disgusting. Disgusting. Tucker, we need to talk.

Disgusting. That's some good pepperoni. Man, this is the first time I'm fucking drunk. That's some good pepperoni. Man, this is the first time I'm fucking drunk. Not alone. Where's everybody jumping in? I feel fucking drunk right now. I will say this. I went to the bathroom a minute ago

and I was struck by the urge to lay on the hallway floor carpet and it was wonderful. And I never found that light fixture so interesting. Matt, how old are you? Why am I still Matt? I'm 46 now. You're always Matt. Let's force Matt upon him at this point.

From all directions. Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you uncomfortable? How old is Hope? She'll be 20 soon. That's cool. Wait, wait. I want to like how that works like as you're watching every year she gets one year older i didn't know why this would be confusing does that like paternal protection instinct ever lessen or is it always just the same intensity of like this guy's not good enough for you you fuck i've never met a guy good enough that much is true

um hope has a hundred percent day of somebody right yeah yeah so did you do the um the southern dad bit or did you just say like hey i care about you enough that like you can just bit or did you just say like hey I care about you enough that like you can just did you like that I have a gun in my workshop bit no you're talking about the whole sex thing well I'm really not supposed to talk about hope but I'm pretty drunk so I guess I'll just say this much she dated the same guy from when she was like a junior in high school to a sophomore in college. At some point, you'd just be...

What do you mean? She's 20, right? She'll be 20 in June. At some point in that period of time, you recognize that you're just stupid if you don't understand that she's behaving like an adult. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll stop there. How bad is it? Does it suck? To know that... Let me just change topics. Alright, fair play. Yeah. Who had topics outside of us well i give that conversation five nipples

five enormous elena nipples out of five. I think that's a shock. Because we literally, but his drunk Woody just discussed his daughter's sex life. That wasn't a wild thing. That's a real sacrifice for the show. The fact that I'm eating this nipple has nothing to do with how I feel about his sacrifice. You're right.

That would be illegal if you attributed that nipple to... What do I have here? That's good pepperoni What do you have there? I bet it tastes better than her nipples Tesla Model 3 Sour milk and the open sea Oh

A Tesla Sentry mode Sour milk and the open sea. Oh. A Tesla's sentry mode captures politician in a Model 3 hit and run. So a Tesla Model 3 is one of their electric cars and there was a politician that rammed into this parked car and ran away.

So he did that. But the camera captured the politician doing the hit and run while in the vehicle? It looks like the politician got out of the vehicle, inspected the Tesla to see if he really damaged it. He did really damage it, and then he drove away. Okay.

Yeah. My question here is, like, okay yeah my question here is like um did the politician jump into this because he was on autopilot and it hit the the car or was it like hit on his own volition you know what i mean you're slightly off topic catch me up real quick yeah there. There was a parked Tesla that a politician drove into in a regular car. And then the parked Tesla was recording this whole thing. So. Honestly, what I'm taking away from this is I trust everything you say a lot more now that you're wearing glasses. I can't read it.

I don't know why alcohol impairs my vision. Matt, you look hot as fuck. God damn. Tucker, you and your haircut, me and my glasses, we should fuck. You'll get my sloppy seconds. I already fucked.

So there was a parked Tesla owned by a non-politician that was ran into by a politician, if that makes sense. The politician got out. The viewers are looking at this guy sort of inspecting the car and checked the Tesla for damage.

There was damage, and he drove away without paying, without leaving a note, without anything like that. So that's my... So is the problem that he's a politician? Is this an Elon Musk question? That's what it sounds like.

I guess the deal is, and I remember when I bookmarked this, he was sort of famous because he's kind of crooked in general, and he has other things that people know. Who's crooked in general? The politician. The guy.

Has done other shit before which you might consider immoral and now he's ran into this tesla woody what do you think about elon musk um it's interesting i think he's like advancing humankind but he's also totally full of shit so i don't know what to do with this guy. Like he lies constantly. He never meets the expectations that he sets. But, you know, it's also like... Everybody pour a shot. Woody says Elon Musk is full of shit. You baited me.

You didn't see the bait coming? You're like the dumbest catfish in the fucking pond. Well, I'm a little drunk. Hey, look. Someone just dangled this line full of delicious food. That must be for me. It was clear he was baiting you to make us drink. I think Kyle's not as drunk as me because he saw that coming.

Woody, I think... Well, I'm definitely not as drunk as you. Kyle, are there any more ads? No, we're all fucking done. There's a poster. Yeah, I'm fucking sure, Tucker. Tucker. Wait, what did you ask him? If there were more ants?

No, and more ads. I just wanted to make sure. Oh, okay. Let me see your bottle, Tucker. Let's show the bottles. I'm clear. I know Woody's is like clouded. Yeah, it literally held up in the sun and I couldn't see through. Kyle, brother, this was a brand new bottle when we opened it. Yeah, I don't brother, this was a brand new bottle when we opened it.

Yeah, I'd only... This was a brand new bottle. I brought it on the show. I'm just proud of all of us, including Woody, who decided to drink it. Very little in there. I think I'm the drunkest and I drank the least. Shut up, you're not the drunkest. I don't know. Who do you think is

the drunkest right now? Woody. I would put money on myself, honestly. Oh, I keep getting these double shots. Like, I drink it and it's still in my tongue. No, I'm extremely coherent. I got quite the tolerance, frankly. I had to pregame. I was so hungover from last night. I think Kyle has the highest tolerance of any.

Or maybe Tucker. I don't know. Kyle's in competition shape right now yeah yeah kyle has been working on this yeah no but tucker you drink quite a bit too like you've got a high tolerance like and you're only 100 what do you weigh 130 pounds 180 okay 180 yeah i you I mean, I drink every day. I don't drink just to drink. I usually drink for meals. If I'm going to drink, if I'm going to eat, then I like to have a few drinks before I eat. I find it makes the food tastier

since I can't do other things. So alcohol is the second best. Do you think that alcohol makes the food taste better yeah alcohol definitely makes uh food taste better i feel like it just makes me want to munch like even if i don't like the food that much it just makes me want to munch what he's struggling so hard to write uh-oh that it's that's fucking hilarious. You just made four chances to make it work. It took him four chances.

Let's read this. It's you. What if I told you the recording was a little fucked up? Wait, what do you mean? How mad would you be if I hadn't pressed the record button? Well, we would kill you. We'd come to your house and murder you. We could start the show now.

Yeah, right. I'm fucking with you. He is fucking with you. Well, that's good. That wasn't funny at no point. Well, that's good. I just want you to know that if you had said, we're starting the recording now.

Next time you fuck with us, the glasses off because for some reason That it's reliable Served I would know you serve you I would have been the third host you up and out of it. Yep We were gotten so much shit done it would have been incredible Welcome to Peter and the P.K.! I am now the Tucker, Kyle, and Taylor. If we would have gotten so much shit done, it would have been incredible. We just had to play a joke, you fucking... I've thought about doing that a couple times. Wait, Tucker, I just want to ask. Behind you, are those giant panels of soundproofing?

Or are those small panels that you like put together three three by two uh echo reduction foam i'm in a soundproof booth has it made a difference do you think like it's uh done what no no no no no i don't how how do i okay hold on bear with me here stop breathing heavily kyle Why are you breathing heavily, Kyle? Am I breathing heavily? I... Why are you so paranoid? Because I'm drunk. Why are you breathing heavily? Kyle!

I... This is a double panel steel all soundproof booth. Tucker is showing us where he molests kids right now. Back behind here. no one can hear the goddamn thing that is a fact that is a fact if a child were brought into that room and were his cries of terror and pain would be heard by no one i'm wearing my glasses i can see

the whole show so much more clearly oh that's good keep it going i'm like this is what it really looks like the whole time imagine like uh getting things that help you see better yeah witty woody look at this look at i just linked an article look at this cool ass guy of the week who flushed his grandparents' ashes down the toilet. Wait, what? And got charged with abusing the dead. That's a thing? And then said, I would flush your ashes down the toilet, Mom.

And so this guy, pretty cool, knows how the world works and also is going green. And that's the main thing is that this guy is going green. Did you link it in the chat? I linked it in the Discord chat. Yeah, you can see it. There's a picture of a toilet bowl. Manicues of flushing grandparents remains telling mom he'd do what?

Dude, the fact that it's illegal to flush ashes of people is fucking retarded. There's something called abuse of a corpse. It's desecrating the dead. Desecrating a corpse. I mean, it is kind of fucked. Who cares? When I die, you guys can put my body

on a plank like you're playing a yard game and you can try and throw goldfish in my mouth i don't care no i'm telling you you better like hypothetically taylor let's say that we make your penis erect after death and throw rings on it is that okay hilarious i'm in favor of it also very hard to do however i didn't know that was possible but if it is possible i want it to happen it seems like we cremate taylor and we give him uh the dust and we mix his dust in with the uh like u18 united states gymnastics team like who wins i don't mean to flex on you guys but i can read so well right now what do you mean i'm also a pretty good reader. What I mean, I'm wearing

glasses. People have told me you're very good at reading. All of these words. I read on a 46-year-old level. I don't know if you're there. I read on a 46-year-old level. That would be so fucking funny. I have no idea how to handle that. They're like,

she's only 9 years old, but she reads at a 42-year-old year old level something like every anime plot listen your old body but she's 7 000 years old i feel like you're just really embellishing oh i didn't realize that was a real thing until i started because i always like to find funny weird ass communities to make fun of on the on the, which is why I found DickFlash.com or someone on Twitter. Should we drink for you mentioning that? Do you have your own tendencies?

Wow, I do have a shot poured right here right now. Someone did mention DickFlash.com on my Twitter. Hey. What? I thought we were drinking. Oh, we'll drink. I'm down to drink.

I'm getting muddy. I'm down to drink. This bottle of... This is a really fun... This is like an uncomfortable amount of liquor. Oh, it is, dude. And this is a really fun thing to do

when you have a meeting in the morning. Wow. Because I still work in the real... Why don't you cry as a fucking river, Taylor? Me too. I have a meeting tomorrow too. You dumb faggot.

How much are they going to pay you tomorrow? I'm sorry. I'm sure. Please. What are we talking about? Call it fucking sick, you big-headed fucking ogre. sick, you big-headed fucking ogre. Kyle,

I will fly to Georgia and find you and beat the shit out of you. Well, I'm certainly not coming to you. The government's not allowed! My wife is upset I ordered a pizza. Why is your wife upset you ordered a pizza? You can afford it. She doesn't want people to come to the door.

Your wife doesn't bring home the bacon or put it in the pan and tell her that that's the case. Ask her if she's ever run multiple Minecraft servers at one time. I don't think that this is good advice. Or am I taking the wrong one? Oh yeah, I remember Jackie Craft being super popular back in the day.

Oh, the money was really flowing. What do you mean? What's the worst that could happen? So many fucking pepperoni pieces rolled in from Jackie Craft. Poison coming into my headphones. It's just like

infecting my brain and simmering there. Nobody's going to tell you to do something wrong. We're just saying just fist fight your wife Don't worry. I won't take any of your Jackie craft money and put it toward this fucking sausage pizza, dear I don't want to I don't want to flex on you guys, but I could totally beat her up I annihilate her. You could fucking annihilate her. Alright, alright. Left to right. Who could beat Jackie up? I don't know if Wings could beat Jackie up.

Dude, I would. If there were an actual fight and I had to bet on Jackie or Wings... Hey, Woody, put her on. Woody, put Jackie on. Woody, put Jackie on! Woody, put Jackie on. Woody, put Jackie on. Woody, put Jackie on. Right now. I don't think that's for the best. Woody, put Jackie on. You're yelling like

she can hear you, but that's not how that works. Woody, put Jackie on. I can hear them. We all heard that. She wanted to take my bottle away, but she's gone. Alright. Top five favorite pedophiles. Go.

Woody's favorite tag number one. Oh yeah, I ruled this list. Jared from Subway comes to mind. Jared from Subway. What's that dude from Penn State? He's number three. Michael Jackson, number four.

Wait, Joe Paterno wasn't a pedophile. It was his assistant coach. It was the other guy. It doesn't matter. Guilty by association at number five. Jerry Sandusky or something close to that. Yeah, it was Sandusky. Whatever the previous pope was.

And look, we all know that our favorite pedophile has to be the fucking Frank Underwood, right? I can't believe you took my ped. Oh, he didn't touch kids. Seriously. You started making a list. Yeah, but I had five pedos. I feel like I ranked pretty well. I can't believe we started naming our favorite. And I really think Kevin Spacey is my favorite.

I just don't know. Is that where we draw the line? Kevin Spacey is number one. Kevin Spacey is number one. Kevin Spacey is number one. Michael Jackson, number two. I want to lock that in. No, number one favorite U.S. pedophile, Kevin Spacey. But why would you say no to preface my number two suggestion?

Spacey is four. You think he's four? Yeah, the Catholic Church did such a better job of raping kids. I want to say the Catholic Church is unprecedented in their ability to rape children. I don't know of a larger children raping organization than the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church has taken child raping to a new level

that has never been seen before or since. It was all a bunch of fucking Italians who were like, if you ever want to succeed outside of this, you can start the business or do this and then like a bunch of gay guys were like i think i'm going to go into the priesthood they're like all right it's like the worst it was a bunch of mexican accent with what you think

italians sound like oh yes i must go to malio why do you think we need all of these pedophiles in our area? But not gay guys. I say I a lot. I'm pushing back on that because I feel like there's a difference between men who have sex with women and men who have sex with girls in the same way

there's a difference between men who have sex with boys and men who have sex with men. Are you defending men? Totally wrong. Yeah, that's like totally wrong. I think you've got that flipped. Because Taylor said that a bunch of gay guys wanted to fuck boys. And I feel like, no. That's the thing. That's the real thing is that the Catholic Church was basically for hundreds of years

like an establishment where if you had a weird-ass kid, if you're an older guy with an established family legacy, you can be like, Oh, Mario is very weird, and he like a little boy. Send him to the church. And so they

send him to the church, and it was basically sending a bunch of homosexuals into the church, and then what do you end up with a bunch of kids buttholes ruined he ruined those o-rings like the space show

blew out those o-rings somebody called for a shot prior to this yeah okay we'll have another shot am I gonna drink a whole fifth of fucking tequila this show that's what i said dude are you serious i'm about to pound this fucking fifth of vodka i'm at the bottom of my own fifth of vodka i'm at the bottom of my fucking fifth of fucking tequila i'm fucked up man thank

god one of us has these two pizzas right here i've got food on the way i ordered you've got two delicious ass pizzas i I ordered Waffle House. I ordered a fucking cheeseburger. And I ordered hash browns. And I ordered two desserts. Pecan pie and triple chocolate cream pie. My dogs are barking, which might mean the pizza's here. No, no, that means pizza could be here.

Oh, well, go get after it, buddy. Go get after it. After this. I love pecan pie. Dude, pecan pie is so underrated. Go, Woody, go. Go, Woody, go. Wait, Kyle, you're in Georgia.

Yeah, man. Do people call it pecan or pecan? People here call it pecan, but I'm sure you're in Georgia. That's how I call it here. Pecan pie. Yeah. Pecan pie is for the Northeast owners. New England, the tri-state area

You know I've changed my You know I don't I speak Depending on who I'm speaking to like if I'm If I'm talking to a southern person I say pecan But I'm talking to You know a northern-ish person or a city Or an Atlanta person I say pecan You know I just change my dialect

Depending on who I'm speaking to How much more time Do we have in this fucking show Because I'm god damn wasted An hour and a half You guys are adorable Jesus Christ Be an adult I mean if you don't finish the bottle

Be an adult I love that Come on you invited me on this show I wish I got pissed right here I really do You can, Kyle How can we fill two hours of show? I get that

You ever pee on a girl, Taylor? No, I've never done that I remember one time We asked what the most amount of fingers You ever put in a girl And Taylor goes, all of them. All of them. All of them go like this.

I go like that. You fold them into a little cone. You go like that. No matter what I do, they still fit. No, the cone, that works. Yeah, I put... You know, the cone, I always... That works. Yeah, I put them all in there. I've read about drunk purchasing online, but until I ordered this pizza with pineapple on it,

I've never done it. What about you, Tucker? What did you eat out? Hang on, hang on. Wait, wait, wait. What Woody needs to do post this episode is just go on Amazon. Just go on Amazon just go on Amazon

and see the things you like and buy all of them. Buy everything you like. This belt buckle looks real good. I could be a cowboy. Should I be a cowboy or a hoodlum? I don't know. What about you, Tucker?

What? The question we just asked. I need a refresher, too. Well, the question is, are you a total faggot or just a somewhat faggot? It's 2019. If you don't suck dick, you're gay. That's true. That's true.

Tucker, when I eventually make my way out to LA as a member of the PKA podcast... You want to suck dick? You want me to suck your dick? No. I want us both to go to a place where we can get our dick sucked.

If we're going to be totally gay, Tucker, your haircut looks great. You've said that four times. Not to me. Like, in my head, every time is new. I got a haircut today. No credit.

No credit for this. Does anybody notice my haircut? Tucker used to have long hair, and I feel like the new look suits him. Well, yeah. Tucker used to be an enormous faggot, but we won him over. That's how

it goes. That's how the world goes. I will not. I already see the bait. I will not jump into this. Nobody will be doing this shot. Damn it. He won't jump in. I might be the drunkest. Can someone explain the bait to me?

I'm willing to bet that one of Taylor's contingency. Jesus Christ. Oh, Taylor had something On the list maybe I'm willing to bet that one of Taylor's contingencies Is me complaining About like my career or something Involving like me existing

In this space so He's been saying some very Inflammatory shit Which has been avoiding mine Like what would it be I still don't get it. No, that's true. Don't even push him further.

I've totally been poking and prodding trying to get him. To get him to say what? Just to get him to say funny shit. Of course he says funny shit all the time. Inflammatory shit. Yeah, inflammatory shit.

That's what's hilarious. Do you play any Rust Tucker? Don't talk about Rust You ever play Rust? Alright I won't talk about Rust then Fine fuck you faggot Fuck you I just spilled a whole shot I think that we should talk about the NHL

Cause the hurricane Yeah let's talk about the NHL because fucking NHL popular sports if this show was ESPN NHL would still be the least popular sports on ESPN and yet it's called pka And yet we talk about NHL. Nobody fucking cares. Now, look, I'll admit that P.K.A. Kyle, shut the fuck up, man. Mixed martial arts might be a shit topic.

Kyle, I went to a bar randomly. Literally no expectations. I walk in. All of a sudden, 20 minutes later, the Stanley Cup walks in. They put that shit down in the middle of the bar I put my finger on it You touched it? Now you'll never win it What do you mean?

I don't care about it That's the thing if you can't touch it unless you earn it Yeah sex is sick I don't care Yeah yeah I'm not gonna earn it either The guy yelled at me for it I saw that tweet And honestly The tweet where Tucker was like Hey I'm at this bar and the Stanley I saw that tweet. Wait, what tweet?

The tweet where Tucker was like, hey, I'm at this bar and the Stanley Cup showed up. Some dude just showed up with his cup. They did. They just walked in randomly. It was like during the... It's easily, honestly, the best

trophy of any of the four major sports. I mean, Taylor, you never touched the Stanley Cup? Because it actually has a little bit of history. Nobody should ever touch the Stanley Cup. It is the only trophy that is worth like, oh, I did XYZ. I got to touch it. There's no other trophy that you could touch

in any professional sport. Lombardi Trophy, the NCAA I have a story that Taylor might not like. I'm at Cisco ordering an omelet and the Stanley Cup fucking showed up and I touched it. You prick.

It's true though. I always knew me and you had a sexual connection. You can't touch the Stanley Cup if you have any hope of winning it. I was like 36 and I kind of knew I wasn't gonna. When you were 36 hope of winning it I was like 36 and I kind of knew I wasn't gonna 2006 when the fucking canes finally won it it probably was about that yeah I bet that was probably around there yeah when the canes finally won and god it is that is the team that it's the most fucking painful to compare it to as a St. Louis Blues fan.

You're like, no, no, you don't know, Tucker. You're not a hockey fan. I like that Kyle Strap left. The St. Louis Blues, my team, the St. Louis Blues, has been around for 52 years. And we've never won the Stanley Cup cup have you lost it some better canadian yes we've lost it three times in 1967 1968 and 1969 because the way they divided the teams were taylor how old were you during those no I was zero years old I'm just wondering why you care

my parents were like in their early teens Taylor was like negative 10 yeah I was born in 91 so none of that truly impacted me but Tucker you faggot

fucking leaving I like the age y'all talk made everyone leave impacted me. Tucker, you faggot. Fucking leaving. I like that NHL talk made everyone leave. NHL talk makes everyone leave. Anyway, the way this is going to fucking go is the Carolina Hurricanes are storming.

They are storming right now. People are undercutting and saying the Carolina Hurricanes Your winning streak is negative one. Carry on. No. But the Carolina Hurricanes are on fucking fire. They are. They are doing incredible.

They won their last four games at least. They won four games in the first round. Just cleaned them out. And then in the second round, they're about to clean a team out, the Islanders, who swept the Penguins. Super fast interruption.

They're up 3-0 in their current series. It takes four to win. Yeah, it takes four to win. Carolina has three already. Carolina is looking like a fucking world beater right now. They're coming out with so much intensity. We're kind of a big deal. Strength every single game. I love the Carolina hurricanes coming out strong because it's about fucking

time. The Eastern conference had a change of the guard where Pittsburgh and those faggots get in the back. Counterpoint. Carolina or someone else comes to the front. Sorry, what was it? Counterpoint? Counterpoint, Pittsburgh was never good. Well, they were very good, but fuck Pittsburgh.

I hate them. They've won enough cups. Try again. Shit. Pittsburgh was never good. I have no ill will towards Philadelphia because they seem to play hard and play in the way that I like for an NHL team.

But Jesus Christ. Like, honestly, the way Carolina has played, they might be a favorite. Like, they are not bitching around with these teams that come up like they are strong on offense and defense and they've got justin williams mr game seven like you know mr game seven justin williams and I don't know what it is about that guy. His career is totally milquetoast. I agree.

Who are we talking about? We're talking about Justin Williams. His career is totally milquetoast if you look through his entire regular season careers. When he gets in the playoffs, when he gets in the playoffs,

when he gets in the playoffs, he's Mr. Game seven and having him on the Carolina hurricanes, they're a tough team to beat right now. In addition to that, a lot of the typically tough teams to beat like Tampa Bay or a lot of the favorites are gone. Like when I look at the,

when I look at the A-teams still playing and I see the Hurricanes, I think, why not? Why not us? We're as good a guess as anybody. Why not the Hurricanes? That's what I'm saying on the East Coast. I think Hurricanes are going to storm it and make the Stanley Cup Finals. I hope the Hurricanes

do. I was very excited as a non-hockey fan when Vegas expansion team got the Golden Knights or whatever. They went to the Stanley Cup playoffs. Yeah, they went to the Stanley Cup finals last year.

And they lost to fucking... They didn't just lose. They got fucking embarrassed. The fact that they exist... Excuse me. The fact that they exist in that space is incredible. I'll say this. If pregame shows were a competition, Vegas wins.

Yeah, Vegas has the best preteam shows because they're like, hey, let's pull the Blue Man group in here. They have real shows to augment it with, but Jesus Christ, the way I see it, Carolina Hurricanes have a huge chance at the Cup.

And if the Blues don't win it, if the Blues can't beat the Stars and then beat the Sharks and or fucking whoever they're playing, I don't recall. Blues are 2-2, right? Who is it? It's the Islanders, the Blues, the Sharks. It's the Blues against the Stars.

The Sharks against Dallas. And St. Louis is 2-2. It's the Sharks versus who? It's the Sharks versus Colorado. Colorado, the Avalanche. And I'm hoping that Colorado pulls it out because the Blues will...

If the Blues make it out of this round versus Dallas, which I'm not entirely sure they will. They may not. Root against them, it seems to help. And so, let's go Stars. Hashtag, go stars go.

Go stars go is what I'm saying. Fuck the Blues. I hate them. Taylor. I hate the Blues. I want you to know that – wait, where are you from? St. Louis. So you root for the St. Louis whoms?

The Blues. But I'm actually not rooting for them. I'm rooting for the Dallas Stars, who they're playing. Oh, that's incredible. Every time I root for a team, they lose. When I touched the Stanley Cup, I said to myself, God, I love

the whatever Taylor. Dallas Stars. Dallas Stars. I said, man, I just can't wait for them to win the Stanley Cup. Something is so fucking infuriating that you got to touch the Stanley Cup. and the worst part is i didn't give a shit i was like i don't know the the caps we got the hurricanes i think the kings are in there i pet the trophy and i was like i hope none of them people win

anything yeah gwen gretzky mario lemieux i wonder if any of these people are good you know man steve eiserman i wonder if any of these people are good. Steve Iserman. I wonder if the Blues are good. When you're on your deathbed and you're like 22 games in the late 90s and nothing happened. We didn't win. He didn't even come with us to the playoffs.

You're going to be like, I can't believe the fucking Cubs didn't go to the MLB series. Don't even fucking talk to them. For 85 years, you're going to be on your deathbed, and they're going to finally get there. And then all of a sudden, I'm going to come up with a job. The only winning position.

You remember that one guy, Taylor? Fuck you, Taylor. They're going to lose, and you're going to die in cardiac arrest somewhere. Dude, the only. I hate the Cubs so much. Is Kyle okay? Yeah, Kyle's fucking fine. He's probably vomiting in the other room.

He's probably secret sensing the hockey talk and staying away. That's probably not even it. It's probably because he's fucking yakking in the other room because he got too drunk. I got too drunk. I i got too drunk i've never ordered pizza at 11 o'clock at night before i'm too drunk too you're welcome to it you put on glasses like i'm just i'm just not eating this bag of chips because i don't want it to be too loud on the camera i bought glasses you know i would really be upset about that anyways after

having glasses the whole world was so crisp crisp and focused that the world seemed a little harsher. Are those prescription or are those reading? They're prescription. They are prescription reading glasses. They're both. If I were your wife, I'd fuck you with your glasses on. I realized that the whole world was kind of crisp and sharp edges. And I preferred Woody vision, which was softer and kinder.

So I stopped wearing glasses. Dude, Woody, what? What? Would you fuck Matt in glasses right now? No. Words hurt, Kyle. You think that hurts?

You think that hurts? Wait you think that hurts wait till i fuck you woody oh not wanting to fuck woody there's no way that's possibly not wanting to fuck woody also wait uh uh there should be at least 75 um very good comments for uh for discussion Taylor, that you got for this show. No, that's nonsense. But not wanting to fuck Woody is not on the list. He just wrote it on there. I know it.

The thing is that I have not breached my own. I have not breached my issue. What's funny is for a brief moment, I thought I was clever for figuring that out. I think it was obvious. Hold on. Let me turn it so they can see. That Postmates driver had the biggest titties I may have ever seen in my life.

Really? Like a liability? And I'm so drunk, I had no shame. And I was just staring at them. I was just like, they didn't have pecan pie, so I, I had no shame. And I was just staring at them. And I was just like, she's like, they didn't have pecan pie, so I gave you two double chocolates. They don't have that pecan pie.

You're not no shame until you say something. She literally said, they gave me two double chocolates, and she's black, and she has these normal tits. Yeah, we understood that. And I was like, I can see that. I can see that. I can see that. They're huge!

Like, each of her titties was bigger than my head. Just gargantuan titties. Kyle! Drink. That means you're tolerant. Take a fucking shot, nigger. I really am drunk. Alright, hey guys. It was...

Hit the hard R there, huh Taylor? Taylor happens to be the best of us I'll drink just for the nigger Don't hit the hard R yourself I did not stand up because I was uncomfortable I stood up because I wanted to We did not feed into your Bingo

Sometimes I stand up Just as a sobriety check. That would be a check I'd fail right now. You put on glasses. I remember a long time ago. If I put on glasses, am I better now?

I put a shoe on my head on PKA like, I don't know, 100 something. Can you do it again? I don't believe that you're, like, I don't know, 100-something. Can you do it again? I don't believe that you're here without. I don't have any shoes here. But the point is, I thought I wasn't drunk. Like, no, I'm just wearing a shoe on my head, ironically.

Matt, put a shoe on your fucking head. There's no shoes here. What do you mean? You're 15 seconds outside of a shoe. I probably am. They're downstairs. So put a shoe on your head. It takes focus and concentration to eat a pizza.

It really doesn't. It takes focus and concentration. The whole joy of it takes no focus nor concentration. It's got to go somewhere down in my throat. Taylor, concentrations it's got to go somewhere down in my throat taylor you have uh some some questions from the internet don't you oh you want me to pull them up i just feel like there's there's there's a lot of viable discussion to be had right yeah let's pull those up i've got one about a comedian who made jokes about dying and then died on stage

here i'll link it to you i don't care enough i don't want to watch a guy die i do i am i don't know the guy's name but i recognize his face do you link it or not i'm about to. I'm slow. Are we going to watch this together? Oh, lots of people upset about Sonic. Yeah, lots of people tweeting about the Sonic movie. There's no video. I might not have video.

He was 60 years old. He sat on a stool. He was breathing heavily in the middle of his set He joked about dying You did too much coke That's what happens 100% He was like his old self

His voice was so loud He was having a good gig And then he died So great and then he just died. He died on stage in front of everyone. Jesus. Dude, if you're unironically saying the N-word to get a laugh. You just did that.

What do you mean? No, I ironically said it for a laugh. If you're unironically saying it for a laugh, that's not great. You're right. I'm going to go talk to Baltimore City. I would have preferred pecan. What are you eating, Kyle? Chocolate pie. You've got chocolate pie?

You're really eating pie? Yeah, I'm eating pie. That's so much effort. Weren't you dying? Wait, hold on. We start this call andyle looks at us with the most bloodshot eyes i've ever seen and kyle goes i'm sick kyle goes i'm really sick right now and now he's just spooning pecan pie into his mouth yeah my topic's actually pretty good

he was dying through the and he sat there for five minutes dying while people laughed at him. That's good. I'm glad he died. I didn't realize that people watched him die. He was on stage doing a comedy thing talking about dying and he died. That's good.

He joked about having a stroke. Hey, can we watch? Let's watch Chiz's link. Oh shit, about having a stroke. Hey, can we watch let's watch Jesus link? Oh shit Let's watch his link so much. I was about to look at myself Public freak out. I love public accounts Chiseling is the best I've already seen this shit Yeah, I'm zero. This is now Now this is a good topic I just need a second

Tucker, please slow down No, I need a second No, Tucker, wait, wait, wait It takes me a little No, no, Tucker, wait It takes me a second to frame it for the And go No

Ready, set, play. Wait, I wasn't ready. What? No, I'm playing it. Look at him go. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, shit! Oh, no!

He curved, you whore! Oh, shit! Oh, no! He ran over a second woman! And her dress is up! Oh, look at that ass. Wait, is she locked into that car? Oh not anymore. I got it all on my god damn snapchat. I got it all on my god damn snapchat.

I got it all on snapchat. I fall like I'm on snapchat. I love that he was snapchatting it. She on the floor. Can I just say that none of them got run over yeah they all got they all got flung and while terrifying as it may be there was no real damage done yeah not not that you know that's a good point i think i might have been too drunk to pick up on it. Yeah, like nobody was hurt. She seemed like she was in dire straits. Hell yeah, hard R.

Wait, in dire? Tucker, taking the hard R back. Good for Tucker. I will not alert you. Tucker, taking the hard R back. I literally thought you were talking about dire. I didn't understand why you were so passionate about it. Okay.

I didn't hear Tucker's at all. That's okay, Tucker. We'll edit it out. We never edit shit out. Nobody edits shit out. You don't have no editors. Yeah. I'm going to hear like a real fucking asshole on this one.

Fucking people coming to my chat. Yo, I'm a real rape squad killer. I'm like to hear like a real fucking asshole on this one. Fucking people coming to my chat Yo, I'm a real rape squad killer. I'm like, no. We have tried to say that stands for real sweet kid. We are real sweet kids right now, but like the amount of people that come in. What do you mean you're a rape squad killer?

That's fucked up. Yeah, I try to explain that in Rust because that's our Rust clan tag. Real tough. Real sweet kid kind of complicated we're the real sweet kids let's just go with that yeah we don't want to

we don't want to let's just go with that if you could get those TPS reports on my desk that would be great. That movie, Office Space, hit so close to home when I worked at Cisco. It really, working in an office job,

watching Office Space, it hits so close to home. Dude, it would demotivate me for two or three weeks. It was so close to home. It really does. Office space, it really gets you. I'm with you. I don't want to lead you down the wrong road.

People from work could watch this. But when I was at cisco at one time we did a team building event and i suggested we watch that movie together and it was probably the worst movie on the planet to watch we watched it at cisco light the building on fire and then everybody hates themselves and people like go their separate ways that movie was like my

personal like I don't know like you have a song that speaks to you that movie spoke to me Mein Kampf you know that's a book that I say two thumbs down i've never read it is it even angling english yeah

just in case you're like well what just in case you're saying what just in case you needed to read My Struggle in English, I'm sure they have a translation for you. Does my comp translate to My Struggle? Yeah. I didn't know that. I feel uneducated compared to at least half the calls. I'm just saying, you should also identify with Hitler,

because he had a struggle. See, the thing about Hitler is that... Hitler didn't wear glasses. He's kind of a bad guy. See, the thing about Mein Kampf is you probably don't want to align yourself with Mein Kampf ever. That's not a good...

Dude, that's hilarious. A guy who is into YouTube streaming, but he loves mine comp that guy where he's like you know these this really reality you know this guy he actually makes a lot of good points you know he makes a lot of good things entire automobile automobile of service right here. Look at his Volkswagen. You know, he made lots of bad points about the juice and such, but he also built the highways.

Did he? So you have to measure out. Let me tell you about the bug. Yeah, Hitler was the one who built all the, he built the Autobahn and shit. Autobahn came because Hitler hated juice. Was it Hitler's responsibility to have no speed limit? Because that's my favorite part.

I don't know. There will be no speed limit on my Autobahn. Because there will be no... There will be no juice in the Autobahn. That's how Hitler would be. I'm going to learn to it. My career is ending. Call me a contrarian.

I think Hitler was kind of a contrarian. Every time I film my career is over. How many more times do I have to come on here? You know the worst thing about Hitler? I can't wait to hear it.

He killed 7 million people? What do you mean? Not even close. I mean 3 million. I can't wait for Taylor to say the worst thing about Hitler is he died about time like that. I mean the worst thing about Hitler

is that he's Austrian. And I hate Austria. But, Kyle, what were you saying? Like, not even? You know the best thing about Hitler? Seven million? Come on. No, he killed six million Jews, five million other people.

If you say so. There's 11 million total. If you say so. The best thing about Hitler is he killed Hitler. You're right. That's also true. Because Hitler did kill Hitler. That's a difficult thing to overcome.

I would never be able to kill baby Hitler because Hitler at the end of the day kills Hitler and that's the most pure individual ever. You know, I'm not one to be controversial, but Hitler, he seems like a real douche. Hey, guys, I don't want to say anything. Wow, I just spilled so much water on my desk. Hey, guys, I don't want to stoke the flames here,

but this Hitler guy, the more I think about it, might not be the best dude. You know, the more I think about it might not be the best dude, you know the more I think About this Hitler fellow This guy seems like kind of a piece of shit Voice to say that Hitler Even though he he led a lot of successful assaults on the nations around him, he also was an asshole. And I hate him.

Hitler killed a lot of people. Dude, Hitler was a fucking piece of shit. What? Hitler could not suck good dick. Hitler, Stalin, Mao, all of those motherfuckers killed so many people. Stalin could suck mean cock, but Hitler could never suck dick. No, I've been- I'm willing to bet that Lenin and Stalin could suck mad cock, but Hitler's never put a penis in his mouth.

No, but if Hitler would have, man, he would have been dope at blowing, right? No, I think Stalin and Lenin like really locking that one that's true that's true they had their full magnum pi mustache vibes before magnum pi even existed they knew so again So again, I feel like Woody is not nearly as drunk as us. What do you mean? What do you mean? Woody left. Where did he go?

He's been taking these half shots. He's drank half as much as us. Look. My fucking, I have, this is, this is a brand new bottle. My poor fucking bottle of,

we're all, we're ironically talking about Hitler shit. We're obviously drunk. Wait, wait, wait for him to put the headphones on. Woody. Do you think that Hitler went far enough? No, I do not think he went

far enough at all. Do you think he managed to win it all? Wait. I feel like this is like a how long have you been beating your wife question. Like, did Hitler go far enough? If you say yes, you approve of what he did. If you say no. Wow, you found out the secret, Woody.

How important do you feel? Not very important i ordered a pizza at 11 at night i think about hitler and ate almost the whole thing i give him i give hitler two thumbs down i agree yeah you know he seems like a bad guy honestly you know I don't think Hitler ate ass at all and Kyle gives Hitler 4 out of 5 because he

almost he almost did it this He almost did it. This fucking guy. He did his best. If you say so. He was all about no more Jews. I hate Jews. I love the Jews of the world.

I'm such a pain in the ass defending all of these podcasts when Kotaku writes an article about me. Someone opened my door. It was him. Dude, if Kotaku wrote an article about our show, that would be fucking hilarious. They'd be like, hey, this show where they

just make fun of everything is alright. I've ruined this shirt. Woody, you have a horse. I have two. That thing is giant. Good God. What is it? It's a Great Dane. Jack and I like Great Danes. I have two That thing is giant Good god It's a Great Dane

What's his name His name is Enderman We take turns in the family Naming the dogs That's not fair Colin named him Because he was a fan of the game I can't make fun of him

I named the next one I'm leaning towards bark Vader but it's not set in stone can I please can I please say hey don't do that hey everybody whatever the fuck everybody put your bottles up to the screen that doesn't really work but okay wait your shit you had to shine a flashlight all of us got brand new bottles i can't i have drank less than you guys i don't

make any qualms about that but i'm genuinely honestly totally drunk wow it's great i believe you and you look cool as fuck in your you look good with those glasses. My self-image isn't as high as you guys seem to think. Your self-image should be higher because Jackie needs to let you grow up. How old are you, Matt? How old are you? I'm 46. We covered that. Jesus Christ.

I know, right? It's a really high number. I just turned 26 last month. Yeah. You're 20 years older than me. Fucking idiot. Remember that time? No, wait, wait, wait.

You say fucking idiot, but the goal is to get old, and I'm just better at it than you. You're not. You're just faster. You're going to die. You're not going to even get the full encompassing VR shit. die you're not gonna even get like the full encompassing like VR shit when I'm 65

I'm shitting my pants and I'm in second world forever so your idea is that America is gonna keep getting better because I think I live peak life and you're fucked you're gonna have to live an existence where America's number two what do you mean

I live in a virtual reality world number two because China is taking everything. Yep. I'll be dead in 20 years. Suck a dick. Shut up. You're going to be, you're going to be living in the age of like,

not that great VR. I'm going to get my dick sucked by my wife. Who's in 2d in like 45 years. You have a two dimensional wife wife 45 years from now that doesn't sound cool at all no i live my life on the assumption that like uh you can just kind of like strap me in honestly i'm just jealous because i want a bite of that pizza that oh wait the tuckers which one which want my... The pepperoni kind. You want this? No, hold it up higher.

I can't see. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I just want you... I just spilled so much hot sauce all over my... This is my vodka shot. That's a bong.

This is literally... It's not a bong. It is. Dude, if there's one thing I'm an expert in, it's grass. This is a full shot of vodka, but now it's full of hot sauce. Take that shot. If there's one thing I know a lot about, it's the devil's grass, and that's it.

God, I hate this life. Do you really? What do you hate about it most? He just goofing because I don't really know much about the devil's grass. God damn, I'm drunk, dude. I don't like drinking this much. It's really spicy. I agree, Kyle. I don't like drinking this much. It's really spicy. I agree, Kyle.

I don't like drinking this much. I drink like an eighth of this amount, and then I have dinner, and then I go to take a nap. I don't know what comes next. I can't just lay in bed and go to sleep. I can't lay in bed and watch videos and then go to the bathroom

and thank the tile for being cold. Yeah. Thank the tile for being nice and cold and nice. Is it really that bad for you? Look, go drink some water. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Go to bed. Get a big old glass of water. Settle down, Kyle. You're already hiccuping. What is the hiccups from? Is that an alcohol thing or a spice? Because he's so drunk. He is, yeah.

Open up Blue Planet or... Is that like a franchise, like a subway? No, no, no. Blue Planet is incredible. What do you mean no, no, no. Blue Planet is incredible. What do you mean, no, no, no, okay? No, I was saying, you were talking about Blue Planet, and I was saying, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blue Planet is incredible. Blue Planet is great. It's a good show that's going to show you. Well, if you want to listen you can do so fucking see you what's it i don't understand what you're saying blue planet i have netflix oh blue planet the tv show about the earth you have 11 dollars flicks it's a show yes watch it while you're as drunk as you are now i'm sorry tucker it took me a while to catch up because i thought blue planet was going to be like uh i know forgot. We're dealing with 21 plus chromosomes

over here. Woo-hoo! I know. No, that's great. I fucking love Tucker's brutal approach to this episode. It's so great. Making fun of me, making fun of Kyle, making fun of Woody.

I love it. He's been calling me Matt all night yeah i know i hate calling people by their name and be like hey fps kyle how great hey murka dirka but what is not the same like everyone in my real life calls me woody as a matter of fact when people call me mad and it's i know that they're pretending to know me when they really don't. Yeah, but you're making your own rules. It makes you uncomfortable? Great. Good news. Now I'm going to keep doing it, Matt. It's like when your teacher says,

Matt, Matt Woodworth, and you're like, oh, shit. Oh, fuck, what did I do? Go with Matthew. Hell yeah. Matthew Woodworth. Tell me about my middle name, Stephen, just to twist it up.

Your middle name is Stephen? Matthew Stephen Woodworth. That is so much funnier because I always use Steve as my get-out-of-jail-free-card person that I reference. Call Stevie. Let him know.

Matthew Stephen. I always thought it was kind of formal like more formal than i really am but that's how i view it your name is matthew woodward yeah it is quit making fun of matt woodward i'm just saying that that's more and honestly like woody now that you're wearing glasses i I'm like, this guy's got things to say. I'm going to start a right-wing podcast. Matt Woodworth. No one will put it together.

This is Matt Woodworth. Hyper right wing. Policy. You know, I don't care for the fucking Rosenstein. You're talking to Matt Woodworth. The Birch Tree Podcast. It's just white wood.

Jesus Christ. I didn't put together Birch Tree until you said it. That's cool as shit. I mean, I'm not going to say that you're going to supplant the guy that I previously dictated as the cool-ass guy of the week.

He held up for about 4 or 5 minutes. So you're saying there's a chance. I'm saying there's a chance. There's a chance you may be the cool-ass guy of the week, but only if you can supplant that guy who is telling

fucking 15-year-olds you shouldn't have hair on your pussy. Kyle wants to get a word in. I have a feeling I want to end this show before he does impossible Kim Possible

wow they have that Netflix adaption Kim Possible so I think we're four hours into the show I want to thank everyone for tuning in to the show tonight I want to remind them about Turo because Turo because

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Painkiller it's it's painkiller I'm done um i'm done i'm done i'm done is the ad read done yeah the ad read is fucking done kyle i'm a little confused right now stephen woodward the fucking advertisement is fucking done i couldn't tell because i'm a little confused well here this is the sign when so you know it's done. Right here. This is it. I don't think you realize your sign hurts feelings. I don't fucking care about your feelings.

Hey, the Pisces will remember this. Just imagine a cock up your ass letting you know the ad is done. Maybe if it was a finger, maybe. Well, my deformed finger letting you know the ad is fucking done it was a finger, maybe. Well, my deformed finger letting you know the ad is fucking done.

Ew, gross, dude. Ew, gross indeed. I'm willing to take the middle finger, but ew. I spilled a lot of shit. Keep it up. I'll make you suck on it. Maybe if it was someone else's finger,

I'd be down. Fuck, I'm drunk. All right. I know know I'm so hammered I gotta go to bed it's 8pm I can't go to bed I'm that drunk I'm going home I don't know what I'm gonna do I might literally watch Blue Earth

Let's address this I'm I'm really fucking drunk Yeah I know Woody you're very drunk I really am I'm really fucking drunk. Yeah, I know. Woody, you're very drunk. I really am. It's 7 p.m. I did.

I'm sure it's ruined. Wait, wait, wait. Before Woody, Tucker, you're very fucking drunk. Oh, hell yeah. I mean, I'm sorry. Good for you. And Kyle, you feel very fucking drunk. I'm very fucking drunk.

I'm going to have to go watch TV because if I close my eyes, the room is going to spill. Kyle. What show are you going to watch? Kyle, take a couple of chugs of that Dayquil. You're going to be dreaming of some good shit. I'm already leant out, son. I feel like Trayvon Martin. I feel like Trayvon Martin.

Leaking through the back alleys of George Zimmerman's apartment complex. Ready to take a nine millimeter to the chest because I'm all drugged out and young and I deserve it. Call me crazy, but I think that guy, George Zimmerman, was an asshole. Hero. I think you meant hero. Hero George Zimmerman. There's Kotaku articles being written right now. I fucking care.

Oh, wait. Who left? Tucker left. Tucker left the show. We lost Tucker. Well, that is the show, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed Paint Color Ready. This is our drinking episode.

We do two or three of these a year, and we hate them. We hate them so fucking much. We hate them so fucking much we hate them so fucking much i drink every other day and i hate them so fucking much because this was a brand new fucking bottle and and i don't like drinking this much it's way too much fucking liquor to be drinking in a four hour period i feel like fucking shit i'm probably gonna vomit probably gonna vomit you're gonna vomit fayette i mean i'll try not to you know you nigger but i'm probably going to vomit. Probably going to vomit. You're going to vomit, Fayette? I mean, I'll try not to, you know, you nigger. But I'm probably just going to watch Sopranos

for a while and see if I can stomach it down since I ate all those hash browns, fucking chocolate pie, and that hamburger. I thought I was going to have one slice of pizza. Wait, where were the hash browns from? Were they from McDonald's? Please. I got some fucking Waffle House hash browns. Hell yeah. Jalapald's were they from please get some hash brown i got some fucking waffle house hash browns hell yeah jalapenos and cheese that's how i do it and uh

and yeah i ate a cheeseburger had some hash browns i had a little chocolate chocolate pie fuck that was awful that was fucking awful we fucking hate doing this and and i feel like sometimes you guys don't fucking appreciate it and you're pieces of shit for not appreciating it because because you're pieces of shit because we're literally poisoning our bodies for your goddamn fucking entertainment so you should not only be liking commenting and subscribing you should be like sharing this with some fucking random friend that doesn't even watch youtube videos and be like hey there's these three guys that talk about random shit on the fucking internet. And they drink sometimes for us. And we really appreciate it a lot.

You should be fucking showing it to them. Your fucking cousin, your cousin fucking David or whatever the fuck. Because we fucking suffer for you. Taylor has a fucking meeting in the morning. I have to be up. I have to be up i have to fucking i'm the only one of the three that has to do shit in the morning taylor i have to be good by tuesday i have a court-ordered blood test in the morning all right i gotta get up early i got shit to do too all right of course i can do it anytime between 1 and 4 p.m.,

but still, I'm going to feel like shit. I got to get up and shower, alright? You know? Woody is the one who doesn't have shit to do. He's going to fly around in the clouds in his fucking eight-horsepower silly machine? Please. He's the Willy Wonka of air travel.

Okay. I'm not doing a goddamn thing tomorrow I'm with you So yeah I hope you guys enjoyed the show Yeah give us a like and a comment That should be nice Even if the comment is I made it this far Just say it I'm told it helps the algorithm

Yeah we literally poisoned ourselves For this If you rate the show Just say it. I'm told it helps the algorithm. Yeah, we literally poisoned ourselves for this. I don't drink this fucking much. If you rate the show on Spotify or something. I have so much shit to do tomorrow. I have important meetings that I have to do tomorrow. I hope it means something to you then. I can't miss those because I'm too drunk. I've got important shit I have to do tomorrow. I hope it means something to you. I can't miss those because I'm too drunk.

I've got important shit I have to do tomorrow. Taylor, I find your reality entertaining. So there's that. I appreciate it. I mean, if nothing else, I drank $40 worth of liquor tonight. Pay me back for that.

Honestly, I can't believe the amount of booze I drank. I'm with you. I normally drink like I fill this glass up right here. I fill it up halfway, and I drink all of it, and I'm drunk. And then I have myself a nice meal, and then I usually chill out and watch TV or have a nap or something like that. I don't drink throughout the day.

I'm not a fucking day drinker. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't drink throughout the day. I'm not a fucking day drinker. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't feel like who just keeps... Who drinks in the day. Who keeps drinking one after another. I have one drink, one big old drink, and then I enjoy my... It's always with food.

This is awful. This is awful. I can't understand how someone could become an alcoholic. I didn't realize i was gonna eat this whole pizza when i ordered it did you eat the whole thing hell yeah it's a little bit gone i ordered a quart of ice cream and they canceled my order and i was so bummed out because i ordered like twix and like coconut and double fudge ice cream and i was so excited you ordered an ice cream ridiculous enough

for Cold Stone to go, no thanks. Yeah. So then I went to Waffle House because they have dessert, and I wanted pecan pie. So I ordered a double cheeseburger and some hash browns and a chocolate pie. Dude, the pecan pie at Waffle House is horrible.

Dude, you're wrong. You're just fucking wrong. I'm not fucking wrong. You're wrong. pecan pie at Waffle House is horrible. Dude, you're wrong. You're just fucking wrong. I'm not fucking wrong. You're wrong. Pecan pie at Waffle House? Are you shitting me? It's good. It's not like they're making it at Waffle House. They're buying it from somebody else who makes good pecan pie. It's hilarious that you and I are the only ones

involved in this podcast or watching this podcast that say pecan pie. It's fucking good. I like pecan pie. I say pecan pie. It's fucking good. I like pecan pie. I like pecan pie too. I would say pecan pie to you because I know you're a real fucking South Missouri piece of shit,

redneck, inbred motherfucker, and your great-great-grandfather was also your great-great-grandfather's cousin. Hey, man, that's pretty mean. I'm actually trying to figure it out. Also, I am from St. Louis. Yeah, sure you are. I have way less interbreeding in my stock.

Yeah, for how many generations have you been in St. Louis? You guys are from Missouri, all right? You fucking cattle bear. No, we're not from Missouri. We're from St. Louis. Sure you're not. Okay, okay. That's where Grandma and grandpa Taylor live,

you inbred piece of shit. All right, fair enough. Your fucking family tree's got fewer branches than I can even imagine. It's a family trunk. That's why your teeth are fucking falling out of your goddamn head. They're not falling out of my goddamn head. The only reason I had to get tooth shit is because of grinding.

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, your head's the size of a watermelon. Your teeth are the size of chiclets. Okay, that has nothing to do with the inbreeding. Dude, you should see my dick. It's enormous. Tucker's still gone. This is funny.

I switched to the PKN layout 10 minutes ago God I'm going to blow my nose I had a roll on toilet paper and it's gone now Oh there it is I found a little piece of pizza Alright PKA

Whatever the fuck number this is Yeah I don't even know It's not PKN 245 I don't Whatever the fuck number this is. Yeah, I don't even know. It's not P.K.N. 245. I don't fucking care what number it is. I don't fucking care. More pizza. All right. Welcome to the drinking episode.