Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #442

Episode Date: June 14, 2019

On this week's PKA, it's a guestless show but the fellas watch a video where Wings's granny and her friend whip out and review their sexual vibrators... because that's something we all wanted to see, Taylor shares some more terrible stories from the dentist and Kyle takes the fellas over to Efukt to laugh at terribly gross "women" trying to get views.

pka 442 been a hot minute since it's just the boys kyle express vpn get quip smart mouth and tour those are the sponsors of the evening we'll get to those guys later on of course but yes just the three of us here we were gonna have dick masterson which is the coolest name ever it's a porn star name if you really break it down but uh hopefully he'll be able to join us maybe next week or sometime soon but Was Taylor doing ninja moves? I was doing very emphatic, like, we're here! That kind of thing.

Aggressive point at the camera. Get the audience feeling like, I'm a part of it. I'm a member of the conversation. So... The two-finger power point. Alright. That's like some sort of sci-fi finger banging that Woody was doing there. Caw, caw. Like some martial arts.

Pew, pew noises. All right, boys. If it was fingering, you wouldn't want to do these two. You'd want to do the middle two. It's easier. It's easier on your fingers. Yeah, it's more leverage and you don't get that sore, like weird feeling in your forearm if you're trying to do it from like laying next to her.

You know what I'm talking about. I don't, but my mind is opening to your suggestion. I learned something new. Because there's no finger mop. That practically segues into our next topic. Wait, what? What? What?

He threatened to finger my pee hole right after he cut his nails poorly last night. That's a great threat. Yeah, I thought it was. I doubled down. I told him I wanted him to prop it open with the handle of a plastic fork and spit in it. And he checked out after that, I think.

That's the way you do it. Always agree and amplify. Yes. One thing I've learned. I mentioned, because of paramotoring, my friend group has a lot of army and military guys. Never play gay chicken with them. You won't win. You'll have penetrative

sex before they give up. You can't play gay chicken with Marines and army guys. It's not a good idea. Just take my advice. Hoorah! Yeah, now look who's gay. Your ball's deep in a man's ass.

Oh, if this impacts my mission tomorrow, simplify. Hoorah. Valor stolen. The Army National Guard. You could probably push the National Guard that far, Woody. It's probably the Marines and the Green Berets you want to be aware of pushing too far. Because they'll fuck you right in the ass just to show that they're not what you say they are.

Yeah. Okay, boys. First topic. You were given a button that will make you very attractive. But every Friday you turn into the opposite gender for a whole day. Would you press it, and why? Of course. It's a win-win.

You're like, oh, you push a button and you get a million dollars, but every Friday you get a pot of gold. Would you press it? Yeah, I'd fucking press it. I'm a porn star on Fridays, doing a lot of lessee porn, and I guess I'll suck some cocks too. I'm a lady. Don't judge me.

Don't judge me. I'm also an ex-Marine as a lady so it's it's doubly effective and and yeah i'm i'm incredibly attractive now absolutely absolutely of course you press that button that's an easy question woody frank wait are you also an attractive woman or are you just an attractive man i don't care what i look like as a woman and now i have so much power right this is like fucking three stones of the infinity gauntlet just having a pussy these days. You can say just about anything

as long as you don't go after the blacks. But you can go after anybody else. I don't think you can call them that. They prefer you call them that. The blacks. The blacks, yeah. I don't think so. I think it's fine. I think you're storming a beach that needs storming, Kyle.

I mean, African-American just doesn't even make sense. I think they prefer black people, not the blacks. Well, I'm not disagreeing that they're people. I'm not saying they're black animals or something. No, it would be like a funny SNL, but it would be like a white South African guy coming, and he gets offended at the term African-American. He's like, oh, you're from Africa, yeah? Where you from? No, you're from Africa, yeah? Where you from?

No, you're from Georgia, yeah? Well, I'm from Cape Town. And you're using my language? My term? Not fair. This didn't take long at all. I have a digital hood pass to share with everyone. A digital hood pass?

I saw someone put the Nickfinity gauntlet together for you the other day. Jesus Christ. It was like black barber hood pass. I don't rememberlet together for you the other day. Jesus Christ. It was like Black Barber, Hood Pass. I don't remember what the rest of the stuff was. It was all these credentials you had that allowed you to say the N-word. I should have told Eric about my barber. Yeah, that would have smoothed it right over.

So I don't... Do I have to stay a woman all of Friday or is it the whole weekend? I think it's all of Friday. It says every Friday you turn into an opposite gender, so it seems like a day a week. This is... Kyle's right. This is ideal.

Really? Become a woman once a week. I hope that the attractive curse or spell or whatever carries over and I'm also a hot woman. I'm just shlicking on chatterbait all Friday, making money, making dough. Then I turn right back into a man. And then I can look derisively at my female self like dumb whore and then go through it again.

I like that both of you, when you become women, are just total sluts. Yeah, I got to turn it into a money-making venture. What am I going to really do? What else could you do as a woman that would be cool? I could get in a... I could go to... I could get an abortion? That would be cool. All the women I know speak very highly

of the experience. Murder's only legal if you're a woman, so let's get to it. That's what you'd want to do if you committed a crime. Try and finagle your court date to be on a Friday, because women get way less time in jail, and then by the time you're locked up, you're

a guy in a woman's prison. You're the king. You're the grand poobah. You're beating the shit out of those big man hands, pummeling. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me. That's exactly what it would be like. Rorschach? Every Friday.

Yeah. That would be the way to do it. Yeah, I'm not convinced that the Friday thing is a big cost. I'm with you guys. I'm not convinced it's a big pro either. Oh, it's a bonus. Like, I don't know. I'm pretty happy with my dick and everything.

Like, I feel like and everything it'll grow back yeah I guess every Saturday it's magic what if what if you're a girl and at midnight like Cinderella your dick grows back how does that impact

Taylor's whoring it up schemes he's there on chatterbait the money's flowing in and then the clit like morphs into a penis. He's there on chatterbait. The money's flowing in, and then the clit morphs into a penis. Dude, if I'm on chatterbait schlicken, and suddenly I start growing a penis and becoming a man, I'm now the

biggest story on earth. Everybody is coming to my chatterbait sessions. And they're going to check it out. I'm not doing the upside of this. Just to be financially responsible. I need to do that. And also, what kind of attractiveness am I getting? Does my head become

normal shape? Do I get taller? Am I jacked now and I can eat whatever I want throughout the week? You are Brad Pitt from Thelma & Louise. I don't describe someone as very attractive unless they're a top 2 or 3 percenter. Right? Like a ten percenter.

If one out of every ten people looks this good, that guy's attractive. Not very. There would need to be a stipulation that I could eat whatever I want throughout the week, but I'm always hot and fit. Even over time. Well, that's a magical made-up thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you could put that in the contract and see if even over time. Well, it is a magical made-up thing, so deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you could put that in the contract and see if they still agree.

I thought very attractive also implied a certain anti-aging thing. That's even better. God, this just keeps getting better and better, Woody. They need to put more downside on this. They should have at least made it you have to turn into a really unattractive fat bitch. Well, I'll speak to youareveryannoying123

on Reddit and let him know that this is too good a deal. Yeah, I would hit that button for sure. Man, I would hit that button even if, just like I said, if I had to become an ugly bitch. It's funny. I thought I was going to be the one that raised eyebrows by being like, you know what? I think I'd have sex on a Friday.

But no, no. You guys are straight up cam whoring it on Fridays. Oh yeah, because I'm straight. I'm a prostitute in this scenario. You think I'm going to, you think on Fridays every week I'm going to become gay? No. Gotta fuck men on the Fridays.

Note to self, can't win gay chicken with PKA hosts either. It's tough. I'm not gay. I've got a pussy. That's true. You would only be gay if you were fucking another woman on Fridays. And I am. I'll talk to my priest about this. I am going to fuck another woman on Fridays.

That's who I wouldn't want to... I wouldn't want to get a priest's input on that. I don't want a priest's input on fucking anything. No, they guide my marriage because... Unless it's like how to soundproof a room that's a great line how do i intimidate a witness a young one uh i must have a big event that can bind you i ran across a topic involving a priest raping a bunch of kids and i passed it over just because it seemed too commonplace it's almost milk toast yeah like anytime i hear about anybody in a position of power within any major religion where it's like this guy was this uh this priest

pastor rabbi imam whatever he was diddling kids it's like oh well well i'm not shocked frankly like uh it seems like this tends to happen in organized religion. More often they would let on. I stand by what I said before. I think it's just we see people in positions of power do it. Whenever someone can do it

and get away with it, they do it. I think it's just the best sex there is. I think that people who are inherently attracted to that tend to seek out positions that put them in close vicinity with those people i'm on the other side i disagree with taylor there no i have no it's come coming from my hat but don't let that stop you i think that especially with regards to the church they fucking twist people and make them go sell a bit and ruin their chance at any kind of healthy relationship and and like like a hydraulic press channel that plato just squeezes

out in all kinds of weird fucked up places and today on the hydraulic press channel instead of crushing a golf ball i will be molesting a child that's what i'm saying thank you guys you get me yeah yeah a very certain there's a specific group of people who drive bugattis there's a specific I will be molesting your child. That's what I'm saying. You get me. There's a specific group of people who drive Bugattis. There's a specific group of people who eat caviar. Cool people. People with power and money. And there's a specific group of people who fuck children. I think that if you were to take these

people at a younger age, right? When they were 22, first entering the priesthood or whatever they do, and put them in a healthy relationship with a woman that helped balance him. He might not ever be a kitty diddler that he got. I don't know. Like I know also like back in olden days, 16th century Europe or something, and you had a son who was a little light in the loafers, you would like, the way to spare your family of embarrassment,

because people were notoriously not cool with gay people back then, they'd be like, you're going to the priesthood. That's what you're doing. You've got to go to the priesthood. And so they'd almost like stow away some people that they saw as undesirable in a plausible deniability situation where it's like oh of course i'm not fucking women i'm a priest don't look into it like that kind of thing so i i think that definitely plays in yeah yeah child molesters seek out the priesthood because

it's like fucking the mickey mouse club for them it's it wait you're telling me i'll have a position of power i it won't look funny that i look funny that all my friends are men my age and that I don't ever date a woman and that I'm always hanging around with little kids? That's the job? You're telling me that's the job? Well, I was going to be goofy at Disney World, but this is so much better.

Dude, it would have been so fun to be a pastor because you can still get married, you can still fucking have kids and all you do is you just go up there and just like it's one book like there's not a long reading list. It's one fucking book like every

June you're talking about the same shit again for the most part depending on whatever affiliation you are. Every June? Like every June like just meaning like every June, July, August like a lot of those sermons are cyclical. And so it'll be like, all right, we're in May now, time for Matthew 5, the Beatitudes. And then what's happening next

May? I don't know. Maybe we'll hit up Matthew 5, the Beatitudes. And how about in 30 years when I'm near retirement in May? I think I'm going to hit those Beatitudes again in Matthew 5. It'd be almost even easier than being a teacher because you don't even have to update the curriculum yeah like you just you just say

whatever you want and i know it's probably not that easy especially if people are more scrupulous than me and they actually believe it but god just going to church a few weeks ago uh for easter a month ago whatever it was now and seeing the way it was delivered i was like oh fuck i could absolutely be this this guy i thought that i thought that i've covered this before it wouldn't hope was in kindergarten we wanted to get her into a uh a private school and we started going to the church regularly it was one of the things they were looking for out of family when they selected him and uh yeah the guy was awful i would have totally delivered more entertaining speeches than he did. I would have crushed it.

People would have loved me. I would have had the first church out there. We got t-shirt guns. We got fun things to do. There's halftime shows. Sports are on during the sermon. Laser show smoke. If you want to listen to me talk, you can put on, you can just leave your headphones off,

but in front of every pew, bunches of headphones, watch your football. God forgives you. God's cool like that. And so my church would have been, if God is real, I'd be fucked. I don't think I'd be able to resist the urge to make my church more profitable, right? I'd be up there speaking for free, and those headsets would be rentable at $5 an hour. I need you as my business manager. We're going to make a ton of money here.

This would work out. Now you can listen to what I have to say for the next hour about Brimstone and Fire, or you can watch the Patriots game for $5. Damn. Half the audience would watch the patriots game for five dollars damn half the audience watch the patriots game put satellite in there they watch anything they want see the problem with religion is there's not enough fun in it too much fire and brimstone not enough sports sports. Not enough yard games. Not enough hacky sack. No booze. There's booze. There's a little booze. I think you're off on that one. There is, but in my church, everybody

gets their own giant ass bottle of wine. Isn't it weird that in Kyle's church they bleed tequila? Don't ask questions. This is my favorite church. My name is Jesus. I drink my blood. 100% agave. Will not give you hangover for work tomorrow.

The blood of Christ is tequila here. I like it. Definitely not red wine. Red wine's gross. Not a huge fan, but if you drink enough of it, it starts getting tasty. That's how alcohol works. It makes you feel terrible the next day.

I don't know if it's the tannins or if that's something I read in a tweet once and now I repeat it. But something gives you a worse hangover with wine. I had some red wine the other day. It's pretty tasty. I did have a glass the other day, too. But it's one of those things where it's like after a glass, it's like that, I'm good. You used a glass. I'm fine.

Yeah. What kind of wine were you having? Just straight out of the bottle like a. I'm good. He used a glass. I'm fine. Yeah. What kind of wine were you having? Just straight out of the bottle like a pirate would? Yeah. And it was, what's that Australian wine with a fucking kangaroo on the bottle? Oh, is it? Fuck, I know. It's this cheap ass wine.

Yeah. It's super cheap. It's affordable. What's it called? Wine with kangaroo on bottle i'm right ahead it's called the yellowtail wine yeah yellowtail i had a bottle of yellowtail it was tasty yellowtail and that one with the foot on it those are both the cheapest yeah i bought the yellowtail i was i was cooking a pot roast and you know i need a little little red wine

in the in the in the mix and i was i'll just have a little yeah and i just you know i need a little little red wine in the in the mix and i was i'll just have a little bit yeah and i just you know i just enjoyed most of that bottle of red wine while i cook my pot roast it was delicious i've never put red wine in the pot roast yeah it sounds good though it was good have you been on a cooking kick recently or have you not jumped back into one yeah a little a little on and off you know i cook that pot roast like like when i go pot roast like it's just for me it's three and a half pounds of chuck roast and then like two pounds of potatoes and two pounds of carrots so it lasts like all week like like i ate pot roast for like eight days you put celery in there a little celery yeah like a half a cup celery little carrots potatoes yep that sounds so good right now it's really good it's really good. It's really good. Beef froth, a lot of spices. It's the easiest shit to make.

And at the end of the day, it's like, this tastes genuinely great. It tasted like I spent more than five minutes chopping stuff up and throwing it in here. And it's cheap. It's like a $20 thing that makes up like nine or 10 meals or something like that. It's great. And you get polyps in your colon. Best part. Do you really?

Red meat? Yeah, that's a thing oh that's that's pseudoscience i'm going to choose to agree with you polyps in your colon look at debbie downer over here where'd that come from because i've been asking for red meat lately, getting the hand to some extent. Oh, I saw you had a woman on your paramotor. Is that accurate? Yeah, it's my friend's girlfriend. Her name is Elena, and she's cool. Elena?

Elena? Yeah. She sounds pretty cool. I'm not sure how Riley and Elena spell Elena. Is it with an E or an A? It's with eight U's. Elena. Elena. it with an e or an a it's with eight u's all liner well anyway her name is Elena too and she's cool yeah this Jackie doesn't have any issue with you having this this young lady between your legs way up in the air where nobody else can see what's going on

it's all on tape uh not that I know of no no i talked to her about it i told her and stuff no so elena so i understand now here's the say no more the easiest passenger is a light pilot so she was perfect to start with work my way up to heavier pilots then athletic non-pilots and then eventually non-athletic non-pilots they're my boss character but uh yeah i was thinking about you know how you'll see people who beat world records that nobody ever thought to beat yes what's the easiest world record that any one of us could beat where we could genuinely get in that fucking book but there was a time when this was bare minimum amount of effort look there was a time when this was a possibility and it is a of effort. Look, there was a time when this was a possibility. And it is a time before they started publishing the Guinness Book of World Records and every kid started getting it for fucking Christmas.

And they noticed that if they could put 27 Oreos in their mouth, they'd get in the fucking book, right? Now that's no longer a thing. With the proliferation of the internet, television, and those books that they put out every fucking year, all shiny and glittery on the outside. No, there aren't any more world records. The only way to do a real world record anymore is to do a group thing. The difficulty there is getting a thousand people organized to make the

world's biggest quesadilla. That's something we could be good at. We got a hundred people to play paintball. That's true. I'm seeing some really easy ones. Most lemons caught blindfolded in 30 seconds You say that, but what's the number? What is the record, I need to know

Is it over 5? Well, this is Guinness World Records kids Actually, we can maybe sneak in You couldn't pass for a kid when you were a kid You're fucked now I'm only 12, you've got a beard, I swear He has gigantism You passed for a kid when you were a kid. You're fucked now. I'm only 12. You've got a beard, I swear.

He has gigantism. Fastest time to unravel a toilet roll? Dalador Jablanovic, a Serbian. 9.8 seconds. One hand only. We can do that. I thought he was going to use a leaf blower. Do you think Gallagher only tried once?

No. That was his life's goal for three months, unrolling that toilet paper roll. I'm telling you, you can't do this shit. It's impossible. You have to make one up. Most lemons caught blindfolded in 30 seconds. 29 lemons. Let's pick a different one.

Holy shit. That's a lot of blindfolded lemons. You can't catch that many not blindfolded. Yeah, right? Can you wear a big shirt and just get pelted i do like the way you're thinking like you know we're not trying to prove we're the best we're trying to cheat our way into the book yeah like what is most nerf darts stuffed in your mouth has anyone done this before i don't know but i'm seeing right here most straws stuffed in the mouth 459 from manaj Kumar Mahanra.

Goodness. That's a lot. That is. I can't beat that. That guy's got a massive ass mouth. Yes. Most M&Ms eaten in one minute blindfolded using chopsticks. 20.

Not a chance. That's too hard. Wow. Who would have known world records were this hard? Me? Yeah, Kyle. Second ago. World records.

World records. Farthest distance to blow a pea. Andre Ortloff. I feel like I can beat the chopstick thing. This is it. You have to put the M&Ms in a big bowl and use the chopsticks next to each other as a spoon. I think I can get five at a time and slide them in.

Yeah, but they have a japanese guy sitting there being like that is not that right the way to use and then you get you get in trouble damn it yeah as in trouble as you can get for cheating guinness world records kids scenario gets a free m&ms you know i mean it doesn't sound like the bad of a deal you got to get that whole you gotta get that judge there and everything like it's a whole process. You're just not gonna... Most balloons burst by sitting in 30 seconds. Records only 46. I think we know a few people who could break this record.

Wings is like, 50! Boom! Just blow them up really, really little. There's fucking metrics. There's some guy over there like putting a fucking giant caliper on the balloon like yeah exactly 16 inches per all my ideas are so cheaty like let's just put a bunch of small balloons in a large tub and then we'll smash them with a pop no they have a way to do this it's just like any other right you're right you You're right.

You know, it's impossible because there's people who try... Like that kid. I watched the thing about the guy who has the record for doing a pogo stick the most amount of times. That's insane. Oh, my God. I don't remember what it was,

but it was a lot. It was thousands. Thousands of pogo stick bounces. Yeah, it was like over a day. He didn't just wake up one day and think he'd pogo himself into the record books he was doing it for months what is i what if you involved a record using a new technology like you know far this you're the first to attempt this thing at all well like like you're racing one of those electric unicycles have you seen these they're like segways

and i don't know that there is a current world record for that, or if there is, that that many people have gone for it. This is virgin territory. Or you want to go speed or distance? I feel like distance is safer, but they probably both involve speed. Speed, let's see.

World record speed electric unicycle. I can't even ride a regular unicycle well i've never tried so maybe this is a hidden i learned to ride an electric unicycle in a few seconds it's like actually i almost hurt myself skateboarding once when i was 14 or something and i never hopped on again so i'll let one of you guys try that i mean mean, this guy's going so fast. This guy's going so fast. We need something newer. Someone make a hoverboard.

Like 40. Like, he's going so fast. Damn it. This is after about 250 miles of riding. This wheel rides like butter. It's so responsive and easy to control. Pick one up here. $200 pre-order is being accepted now.

And he's fucking flying through the streets wearing, like wearing full protective gear with one of those selfie sticks. It's better footage. No, I see people and buses and red lights. He's like fucking Neo in the Matrix when he's trying to catch

Trinity. Time and space are bending around this man's body. Alright, well then we gotta find an easier one. That's too hard. Could we do something with Bowen? No. Bowen arrows are too hard because man's body. Alright, well then we've got to find an easier one. That's too hard. Could we do something with bow and... No, bow and arrows are too hard because... Oh my god, there's people who are so good at that. Have you seen the guy

with the toes? Yeah, I've seen several people. More accurately is the guy with no arms. Yeah, actually most of the archers I've seen have toes. But some also have no arms. I didn't pick the best descriptor there blame where it's yeah but i've seen some so apparently when you shoot the bow the arrow wiggles and that wiggle is actually really important to people who are outstanding at this

the um what are the feathers called does anyone remember that fletching actually sort of wiggles away from the bow as it passes it it's amazing to see and how they get this bow which is wiggling to shoot lifesavers out of the air is beyond me it they're so good yeah have you seen that dude who like has a he's like firearm fred or whatever the fuck and he like flips aspirin up in the air and just we'll shoot three of them easily. Kyle, do these people do that consistently, or is that the one time they hit it in 50? They're probably not doing it every time,

but I can throw an aspirin in the air and shoot it. I can shoot one. We see that all the time. We throw pebbles up in the air and shoot them out of the air with a.22. How about I try and break the record least lemons caught blindfolded in 30 seconds? I bet I could tie that record.

Yeah, I could tie it. He's got a lot of citrus burns, but he's not going to back down. He's taking all these right off his own melon. What are you playing, paintball again? No, I went for the record of least. I'm all bruised up. Most consecutive seasons,

you root for a team that will never win the Stanley Cup. I'm right in on that one. Dude, it might not be this year. Best of three. Anything could happen. Best of three. I'm still sticking with my original guess of Bruins and Six because I feel like if you're not a Blues fan. Yeah, I'm still sticking with my original one. I don't want to switch in the middle of the series.

Yeah, yeah, I'm still sticking with my original one. I don't want to switch in the middle of the series. But, like, just a good... I'm having trouble even believing we have won two games. Like, nothing good. The entire history of this team, there isn't one bright spot ever. When we got Wayne Gretzky, he stuck around for 18 games,

and his most memorable thing he did was against the Detroit Red Wings in the playoffs and the line they still use it to troll Blues fans is Gretzky has it lost it and then Iserman skates and scores and they knock us out and we had Brett Hall and fucking Gretzky and Gretzky is like all right I already met my wife in St.

Louis I'm fucking off to the Rangers or wherever the hell he went after that and so are the Kings maybe so there's no bright spots ever you lost gretzky and a piece of tail good enough to land gretzky pretty much yeah we like i know he still has a house here because he's wayne fucking gretzky and why not have a house wherever you want but i like the series has been super good so far games one and three the bruins dominated and looked fantastic games two and four the blues absolutely dominated and looked fantastic games two and four the blues absolutely dominated

and looked fantastic so you're counting that overtime win is absolute domination oh it was definitely like if you look at the game itself the only reason that they were even vaguely in it is because of tuka rask they were getting out shot i think 38 to 23 or something near the end of it the same way that like game seven against dallas was total domination by the blues we put up like 57 shots sure it went to double ot because ben bishop was playing like christ incarnate but if you look at the actual pace of the game the blues dominated two and four bruins dominated one and three and i don't know what to think about what's coming in game five i hear you and i agree with the stats i looked at them too but i still have a hard time agreeing with the dominated thing in an overtime

win you didn't dominate the goalie no i didn't dominate the goalie but as part of the team that's true i look at it more as like a total offensive zone time and so like when you see that the blues have been in the offensive zone for you know three four straight minutes and the bruins are just floundering like like, that is a lot more dominating than, like, a lucky bounce that gives you a breakaway and then you score. It doesn't matter on the scoreboard. I'm just looking at the overall series. The scoreboard, uh, now, I would disagree. I would say the scoreboard does matter. I think that's part of it. Oh, I was saying those things don't matter on the scoreboard, but it gives you a better feeling for the

pace and the trend of the game. Kyle, try to get involved. I joined Pokemon Go Talk. I think that what everyone needs to understand here is that the St. Louis Blues are literally 95% Canadian, while the Bruins are literally 95% American. It's easy to pick your team here, folks, okay? It's USA versus Canada. Forget the names of the teams.

Taylor is rallying himself behind the banner of a foreign government. That's what's happening right now. He would support the St. Louis Blues if they were all Saudi Arabians. And like most of their cousins were involved in the 9-11 hijacking. If they were from Saudi Arabia, they'd not

be good. No, they wouldn't. No, they wouldn't. No, they wouldn't. The St. Louis Hijackers are taking the ice. Oh my god. They're all Canadians. They're not going to have much of a first line left after this period.

They have an explosive offense. More time taken to repair a quadrant of the ice They have an explosive offense. Yeah. Explosive offense. More time taken to repair a quarter, a quadrant of the ice. As a matter of fact, they have an explosive defense. This is new. NHL now saying that the Blues will be penalized for placing a dirty bomb in the Bruins locker room prior to the game. You're right about the Canadian hair. Your ice curls come out. They're tripping over this bucket. It's a two minute minor

for dirty bobs. I'm excited to see where it goes. I still don't think the Blues are going to win it. Maybe that's me not giving them enough credit. There's no precedent to look back on. They've always lost. I still think they probably will lose. I'm happy with where they got so far, but it's still going to be fucking horrible

if they lose. Well, fingers crossed. Fingers crossed that these good old Canadian boys get out there and give those Yanks what for. Yeah, that's really what Taylor's rooting for now. It's you, Chicago, and Boston versus the rest of Canada and the United States, because everybody's rooting against Boston.

I've been very consistent in predicting that whoever scored a goal most recently is clearly better, and it hasn't changed at all. I don't know why you don't have more faith in the Blues. They scored last. They just won their last game. They're going to carry that momentum to Boston. I don't really see how Boston has a shot until they score. It's funny how different I'll look at games when the Blues are playing

versus like last year watching the playoffs. It's like, oh, it's Washington versus Vegas. And I'd see if Washington went down in a game. I'd be like, they're fine. Look at how much more offensive pressure they're putting on. Washington's going to win this game. Vegas doesn't stand a chance. Whereas if I'm watching a Blues game and the Bruins score and go up 1-0, I they're putting on. Washington's going to win this game. Vegas doesn't stand a chance.

Whereas if I'm watching a Blues game and the Bruins score and go up 1-0, I'm like, well, it's over. It's over. Everything is lost. Fuck. I can feel your emotional well-being via your Twitter. Your tweets throughout the game are just like, laugh my fucking ass off. All right, here we go.

Here we fucking go. You're so salty. Are you drinking during the games? The Blues have allowed four shorthanded goals just in the postseason. Four shorthanded goals. The Blues last game absolutely were dominating the Bruins in their own zone. We forced the Bruins to take a defensive zone penalty.

We go up a man advantage. The Bruins promptly score. That's why I tweeted LMFAO after, after they scored on us that time, but we're four and oh, every time we get scored on shorthanded. So I hope that's a strategy. There's a stat that matters.

It's just an interesting stat because it's like that. It shouldn't be that way. Every time something terrible happens, they win the game. Alright. I have a... Oh, did you want to carry on? I just hope the Blues lose so that I can carry out my plans. You prick.

If you do something... If I do something! It'll be funny. Even if they lose. I won't appreciate it at the time. Guaranteed I won't appreciate it. I like it. It'll be funny. Even if they lose. I won't appreciate it at the time. Guaranteed, I won't appreciate it. I don't like it. Have you guys been following the coward of Broward County?

Yeah, of course. The Broward coward or whatever? So let me guess. You're talking about Scott Peterson? Is that the Sheriff Israel? The guy who was a... You're talking about Scott Peterson, right? Yes, I am.

For people who don't know, you probably remember the Parkland shooting. 17 students, teachers and staff got shot up by an ex-student in a high school in Florida. Well, Scott Peterson was the this, you know, they say, you know, bad guy with a gun, need a good guy with a gun. There was a cop who worked at this high school and his job was to break up fights and monitor the kids and i guess break up school shootings too so when there was a school shooting he knew where the kid was he said it over the radio and not only did he not go in there he went outside he hid and he prevented other policemen from going in there he's like you don't want to go in there there's a shooter in there and now this is why

I think this is interesting he was really doing that don't go in there it's dangerous I'm paraphrasing but yes and it's on the radio Trump called him a coward on national television this guy I don't want to use it harshly but this guy fucking sucks I know that Trump tweeted he was a coward on national television this guy i don't want to use uh harshly but this guy fucking sucks trump i i know that trump tweeted he was a coward um he may have done both or so um

um they're charging him with seven counts of like culpable negligence no it's that's one of the charges is it culpable negligence seven counts of neglect of a child. Is it? Culpable negligence. Seven counts of neglect of a child and three counts of culpable negligence. Yeah. And then a third charge. And one count of perjury. Yeah, that's the third charge. Neglecting a child is an interesting one.

I think that it's the most severe one. And he might not be guilty. And this is... In fast forward forward you guys have mentioned me a million or you say a million times that that dude in the la riots he threw the brick at his head and then he did a dance and they charged him with attempted murder yeah and he wasn't guilty of a reginald denny was the victim i think and um but he wasn't guilty of attempted murder if he was then the other theory goes he would have tried to finish the job and not done the dance. This guy might not be guilty of, what was it, neglecting a child?

Inculpable negligence. Well, that one I'm not sure about. I've just been reading about the other. And they think that the prosecutors are getting too aggressive with this and he might get off because of bad prosecution. Well, he's on a $103,000 bond, I believe, and he's up against 100 years in prison. One of the victim's fathers tweeted out, Rot in hell, Scott Peterson. So not a lot of support in the choir for this guy either.

Everybody seems to agree. This guy's going down. Yeah. But isn't the sheriff who was overseeing all that Parkland stuff, is he still in place because i know that like everybody was like really hating on him and his reaction to it following the shooting well i'd hate to get a fact wrong but i think he decided not to run for re-election i think that might be the case there but yeah the fact that they the prosecution

might be overcharging him and he could get off light whereas they could have gone with more slam dunk charges have you as someone saying that or is yeah yeah i've actually i saw multiple articles on it i have one linked i linked one in the chat yeah yeah i think he i think he's fucked i think he's fucked big time it's such a inflammatory issue um i think he is in big trouble it just is a cop it cop a caregiver for a child? Like take it out of That's what they're saying He was a resource officer He's there to protect the children

He's there to protect the children And he did the opposite of that They have him on camera doing the opposite of that They have him on tape doing the opposite of that And you got 17 bodies 150 rounds fired Okay, it's without a doubt that he allowed children to die through negligence he's done the the you left out one thing which i thought the amount of time

what i forget if it was 27 or 47 minutes but like a really long time to gather up some courage i and that watch a whole episode of of friends the office there's a lot of half hour shows a couple office episodes 22 minutes a piece yeah so he was just a whole two-parter in like hiding behind stairwells at the exterior of a building and he's he's radioing he can hear where the shots are coming from and it's such it's i remember this in france there was that terrorist attack um i don't know if it was exactly isis but it was some sort of um i forget the term they use for like the the really angry muslims whatever so they're in france and they're killing people and uh islamic extremists is what i was going for. But really angry Muslims might catch on.

So anyway, the Islamic extremists were in that Paris rock concert or something. And for like 45 minutes, they used a pump shotgun to murder people one by one. And I was like, wow. In America, our brave heroes would rush in there and stop it. They wouldn't just sit outside and like develop a game plan they get shit done and then i've been proven wrong by this one individual who has been singled out but for his cowardice and is going to prison for it though like like it's that it like they didn't do it in france they were like i did not go in they were like business as usual i would not go any dar but but over here they're like you didn't not go in. They were like, business as usual. I would not go in either.

But over here, they're like, you didn't fucking go in? What the fuck? This is what you train for. Yeah, you signed up for this. The guy literally had been through all of those training courses about what to do in school shootings, right? That's true. I read that. He's supposed to be fucking RoboCop fucking going in there.

Dead or alive, you're coming with me. And instead, he's like, it's real scary in there robocop fucking going in there dead or alive you're coming with me and instead he's like it's real scary in there i think they've got a god is this just the the fall guy because i remember i think this is the right shooting where it was like there were also cops who showed up like after it was reported they were like they were like hiding behind cars way he directed them to maintain a 500-meter perimeter. He's the guy on scene with supposedly the most information, and he's like, maintain a 500-meter perimeter. You need to go here, you need to go there.

And so they were just sort of going on the best information they had and doing what the guy on the ground with the info seemed to be telling them to do. I feel like you're both right, and it puts the truth somewhere in the middle. If a cop shows up because of a school shooting and then this fucking coward is saying like everyone stay out like aren't you supposed to be but i hear i'm shooting i hear the shots you know maybe we should do something should i just sit here he pointed his gun at the building at the at the building like like that's a thing like the art department's looking a little jumpy he's just you know ready ready ready in case that building does anything i've got my gun pointed in that general direction that's weak shit the other cops if i'm right on this i might not be were behind their cars with a similar stance you're like behind the

door guns pointed at a general building while kids are getting murdered and staff and teachers. Well, they can hear from behind their car, you know, 150 rounds going off. It's not like it sounded silent from outside. You could definitely hear that and probably hear some screaming and trampling and stampeding maybe. Screams don't travel as far as you might think. Thank God for that.

God and good soundproofing. Thanks, Cardinal Morris. Are there more examples of first responders lacking in bravery in America? I can't draw any off the top of my head. Generally speaking, I feel like we do a really good job. Didn't the Waco people just burn them alive from a distance? All right, so that's different.

That's first responders getting there and doing something. No, that's the FBI. That's the FBI under Janet Reno literally burning all those people alive. So that's a whole... So not an example of them not doing something. They're not first responders. They're fucking federal law enforcement.

In that case, they were first responders. And they went in there and burnt out those people with bravery, with heart. Had they stood there and let them just do their thing. We heard, Taylor. Look at these cowards burning alive.

No, no. Well, I guess it's almost not a good example. I'm making light of it, but they went in there and dropped bombs and burnt them out because they didn't like what they were doing. I'm looking for an example where there were bad guys inside and good guys outside being pussies. No, I've seen all the lethal weapon movies. That never happened once. I think in most examples that you could give, we did a good job. Our Americans have done a good job. First responders globally, I think, do a good job.

It's their job. It's what they want to do. They storm into dangerous scenarios, fires, and through gunshots, and into areas where there could be explosives and unstable rubble and stuff like that. 9-11 is a great example. Thousands of people were exposed to all those

chemicals, and they're still suffering from the asbestos and all the cars. John Stewart has to publicly shame politicians to get them chemicals and they're still like you know suffering from the asbestos and every so often john stewart has to publicly shame politicians to get them health care sure it's his thing that's his thing that's what he does in retirement i mean the va does so well i don't know who's going to be the next president but i predict like the three presidents before him he takes some heat over the state of the VA.

Yeah, I'm going to say and they probably do fucking nothing about it. Well, you have to understand it's hard. It's really hard. I mean, these people, you wouldn't have any idea how many drugs they ask for. They must have got really fucked up over that. Like, that's what I'm saying. Ask anyone.

No one comes home without PTSD. Yeah. Well, some people some people like if you're not in combat you probably do but combat people like i mean some come home and they're like it was great i don't know anyone you thought cod 4 was good well that guy's fucked up in his own way like like it went over fucked up like all the people i've met are like yeah it fucking sucks i have trouble sleeping i need this i need that i have knee problems i'd like to see that improv like i'd like to see that snl bit where like the one guy's at the meeting and everybody else has the sad stories and he's like well you know uh i i had a great time i'm gonna tell you right now like it was just killing and fucking

i thought it was pretty cool it was just killing and fucking not always in that order but sometimes yeah they apparently had weapons of mass destruction or you know i don't even fucking care but i had a great time i came back with the lid off Saddam's gold toilet. Worst part of the war was coming back and my wife was even fatter. Jesus Christ. I feel so bad for those military guys where they go away for deployment

and they come back and their wife is just a sow. Where it's just like... Taylor, have some sympathy. She got pregnant. That would be... That even works. So you just cheated on me. You're not actually fat.

Okay. And this is my son, Dontrell. I did this all for you, little man. I did it all for you, little man. I did it all for you. This is my son, Ahmed. Yeah, they call him a dependasaurus.

That's the term for it. That's hilarious. Yeah, and it's super common. It's easy to be. Yikes. You'd have to feel really bad about that though as a woman right or i guess not if it happens that commonly that there's a term for them where you were talking about it on reddit today that like like i guess a lot of guys will deploy at the same time and like that friday

the girls are at the bar just probably yeah i i don't know something about the timing of it seemed even crueler to me but these are reddit comments you don't know yeah no reddit comments are notoriously reliable reddit is certainly not full of a bunch of retards sullivans right first they're dropping knowledge on like, Dependosaurus mating habits, and then they'll be booping the snoot of whatever dog Oh, I love when they do that! It'll be somebody who's like, commenting on like ooh, boop the snoot, and

you know, this, that, and the doggos and puppers, and then you'll like click on their profile, and it'll be like moderator of our, uh, uh world news. Cuckold, or something It's like, oh, how do you become a moderator of our uh uh world new cuckold it's like oh how do you become a moderator are you fucking the other guy's wives also really into this like that's no i i love with your boop and snoots

oh i can't say boop and snoots that's my least favorite and then the one dog is looking at the little one he's like why are you so small and small is spelled like dog is looking at the little one and he's like, why are you so small? And small is spelled like S-M-O-L. And he goes, because I am potato. And I'm just like, oh, that's funny as fuck. The little dog's potato. Because he's a little fireball motherfucker and I want to poop his snoot.

I love that shit. I try to filter it. I'm like, oh, Zoomie got past me. The Zoomie one? Oh, I love the filter it. I'm like, oh, Zoomie got past me. Is Zoomie one? Oh, I love the Zoomies. That's when the dogs get the Zoomies. That's when they're like thundering around everywhere. My dogs get Zoomies every morning,

and it's like having livestock in the house. It's like, Saddle, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. You got darn Zoomies. I come down more on Woody's like, saddle, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. You got darn zoomies. I come down more on Woody's side, where I think whoever the next potential challenging dictator in this nation is, is looking at the zoomies and the snoot boops, and it's just making him angry. It will not be this way when I am in charge.

There will be no snoot booping. Come on, I love it when they boop those snoots. It's fucking great. It's fucking great. It's cute as shit. Well, the best animal things on Reddit are animals fighting and attacking. It's not snoot booping. Bullshit.

I saw a yellow lab today standing on its hind legs in a pool. And because of the refraction of the light, its hind legs looked enormous. And so they, like, drew it into, like, a Barkasaurus Rex. It's on, like, a Tyrannosaurus Rex they like drew it into like a barkasaurus rex like like so that it's on like a tyrannosaurus rex body and it's like it was hilarious that's so funny that like that this is something that i would not expect you to enjoy about like reddit culture like the i i wish i could say more than boop snoot but that's all that i kind of garnered i don't i don't know the terms kyle has a soft spot for dogs, and Kyle's father has a soft spot for dogs. If you look through that lens, it fits.

I do too. I like dogs. You have one? No. You plan to get one? At some point, yeah. Wait, do you have a dog right now? Sure.

You have three dogs right now? Well, they come and go. Strays don't count. Oh no, who went? It's hard to keep up with the names at this point. Okay. Dogs probably love your house.

So much like postmates just sitting around. Just everywhere. No need to clean up. Just you'll have like one giant. Kyle's the funniest. I don't have any pizza crusts on my floor.

From the Colorado trip we took a few years ago, Kyle and Chiz are the most hilarious people to watch order Postmates because we'll be talking like playing magic or something for like 40 minutes and Chiz or Kyle will be like, oh, this pizza is going to be so good. God, this pizza. Then the pizza shows up and Kyle will take one bite and be like no and then just put the whole pizza with one bite taken out and then be back on the app like

you know what it was a mistake to not go chinese food yeah absolutely five meals a day door of poor delivery drive we're not poor delivery drivers. They're making good money. They're getting tipped. Yeah, they're getting tipped. Absolutely. That's a baller way to do it. I have a video that I saw recently and look, I don't know what to say about this. Now, I'm surprised that it's so long

here. I think we're going to get to the heart of the matter within the first two minutes and 30 seconds. What is this video? This isn't Conan or something? Of course not. It's a real comedian. It's Wings of Redemption. This is from a little YouTube channel called Wings of Richard.

This is... I don't even think we should spoil it. The video is called Wings Gangsta Grandma's Sex Toys. Is this supposed to be time stamped or at zero? Starting at one. You know, zero. Starting from the beginning. Like I said, it's

nine minutes long. We're not going to watch all nine minutes. I think we get everything out of the way in like two and a half minutes. I'm ready. It wouldn't take much to convince me into all nine minutes of Grandma's Sex Toys, but here we go. Ready, set, play. We're out here on the motherfucking porch today. much to convince me into all nine minutes of grandma sex toys but here we go ready set play well we out here on the motherfucking porch today and uh we um we decided to bring out some toys

grandma let us in on some information that one of her little crushes bought her something nice and it's in a nice black bag with pink text you guys want to? Let's show it to you. Stanley box. No, no, it's not Stanley box. What do we got? Oh, you haven't even opened it up yet. What is this? This is the silicone slim smooth bullet. Look at this snaggletooth whore in the fucking red shirt.

Holy shit. Your boy Bob's trying to smash, Grandma. He said maybe that'll get you hot. Did he steal it? Great silicone. Did he steal it? That's how you know he loves you when he steals your toys. I might not be as big as him, but I claim to be.

Priscilla McCall. Look at this lady. This lady's going to her car to get her sex toy So the little one goes on the inside right I feel like a fool Kyle hold my hand in this little one goes on the inside All right, the other ones like a remote look at, hold my hand in this. The other one's like a remote. Look at this. This lady has gotten out a 1987 Hitachi Master Massager and she's plugging it in.

Plugging it in is the sign of a pro. And I'm using the term lady very loosely. You need to be Thor to pick that up. Look, Gangsta Grandma went and got hers. up look thanks to grandma went got hers wings just touched it oh no no no she said it's the scratchy thing listen to Listen. Watch, listen. Listen, that's low. That motherfucking high. How you doing? Show me how you doing.

Like... Feel it. Put it on your damn cleats. Put it? He's touching it! I like to think she was talking to wings when she said that. You enjoy riding motorcycles, right? Hell yeah.

Yep. I like riding clock watches, right, bitch? Play that man some. Okay. There you go. His new toy isn't interesting at all. He just shits on this Stanley commemorative box somebody sent him for like eight more minutes. That.

Put it on your damn plate. This was a great video. Where did this video come from? Did Wings upload this? Yeah. What do you think? What do you think? It was a hidden camera.

Okay. It's got to be old though, right? Yeah, that's the thing. I thought Wings stopped it. We could have watched it on Wings' channel. If he'd uploaded it on his channel, we could have. That's where I'm confused. Oh, I don't go to Wings' channel.

He hasn't uploaded anything forever. I don't think he's... He doesn doesn't have a partnership anymore this is a this is a youtube video it appears is it old i don't know i i honestly don't know i when i go to wings of richard on youtube i'm not looking for information i'm looking for content i just think this is this is good content and i feel like we should be supporting the creator it was uploaded 20 hours ago well the creator is wings of richard and and he has only 161 subscribers so get in there folks oh sorry that is so fucking the ultimate creator was wings of redemption i i don't know i'm stuck on the uh the origin he's not even monetized we'll go watch him on on Twitch. I'm sure he'll have sex with his... We all saw what happened.

You know, I personally wouldn't be chill with touching my mom's sex toys. I don't think I would enjoy that. He touched the part she uses on her pussy. He's like, that's a rubber grip that's not the rubber grip that's the stippled pussy rubber like like like like yeah that's the clitron 3000 and for those of you unfortunate individuals who only listen to this show the snaggletooth bitch who went to her car to get her hitachi mega want she seemed nice

she seemed like the biggest piece of white trash that has ever existed. That's how I like it. Yeah, I like the red crotch rockets. Vroom, vroom, vroom. No. She went and got her Hitachi wand and then she literally masturbated with it on the porch

and then she said, put it on your clit, bitch. Yeah, I think she's pretty cool. Yeah, I'm with Taylor. Yeah, what's wrong with that? She's just a confident woman who wants to schlick on the front porch of somebody else's home. With someone else's sex toy. While they're recording for YouTube.

Put it on your clit, bitch. That is the trashiest thing I have seen in quite some time. Well, you're learning a little something about my type. You come up with 15 forums right now that you know on Reddit that are far more degenerate. Or maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. I mean, are trashy. This belongs there. See, the problem with the initial vibe is that it looked well uh it looked well used it had yellowed yeah that thing she's gotten her money out that's why you buy the plug-in vibrators ladies and gentlemen you'd think battery operated

cordless was the way to go you're thinking like a rookie yep yeah and it's like that was like a 1976 version of the hitachi magic one that thing has been in use since reagan for 45 years yeah since reagan was a governor the the soviet union was an issue when she purchased that thing that thing had yellowed and i'm not sure if it's yellowed because plastic from the 70s does that or because of heavy use that was hard to watch oh i'm gonna give benefit of the doubt that it's because it's old but also old things tend to be well used so probably probably 50 50 good god yeah i'm not as i i honestly think i'm not as hung up on this i think it's way funnier than it is gross frankly yeah like i got a good laugh out of it i grew up in a sex positive house i don't look at that as like the worst thing do you ever see your parents toys

what were the uh were they pretty boiler i don't know if i remember the toys i said yes to that i do remember condoms i remember i asked my like i i um i don't know how old i was but i had to be under 12 because i remember which house i lived in And I asked about the condoms and my mom gave me like a full lesson on like what condoms were and this and that. At the time I remember not knowing humping was a part of it, the sliding in and out. And I learned that that day. And I read on the package that condoms were individually tested and told her

that I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up now, which I thought was pretty funny for a kid. I think there's something called, oh, this is it. My college girlfriend thought the Mormon dick soak would prevent losing her virginity. And this is something apparently that Mormons and like super, super religious people will do where they won't fuck because God has like a really tight eye on how much movement is occurring but if you just stick it in and soak no movement god's cool with it now i don't think that there's any sort of theology to back this up

you don't no i don't believe so. I love the eggplant soaking. Merely soak. The Lord your God does not consider this degenerate. Oh, wait. There's a couple names for it. Parking, marinating, the dock and talk. The Bravo float.

That I don't understand. But yeah, I guess you just put your dick in and don't move, and that's not sex. Yeah, no thrusting, no grinding, no climax. Just pop it in and hold the fuck still. How often does that actually work? Where they are soaking for like a minute,

and then he goes to pull it out, and he's like, oh, now I see the good part of this. Where they are soaking for like a minute. And then he goes to pull it out. And he's like, oh. Now I see the good part of this. Let me put it. Let me re-soak it a little bit. All right, let me de-soak it. Let me re-soak it.

Let me de-soak it. And it just becomes fucking. I would imagine. Just the tip line. Is that a successful line for people? Like just. What do you mean? A couple necking on the couch or whatever a guy wants to have sex girl's unsure about it guy offers just the tip as a uh as a compromise

is this a line i've never used the oh we're just gonna do a mini fuck kind of thing like we're like you know just the tip there's the head of your dick like i've never i've never tried to employ that because i feel like anybody who falls soaking there's no way this is a real thing maybe the most devout mormon on earth is out there doing this but you best believe 98 of those mormons are just starting to fuck after they realize this is boring. This sucks. I'm kind of, you know, I'm just soaking in your pussy juice.

What the hell is Mel magazine? That's the site you linked. It was just the first one that came up on Google. I have no idea. Hmm. This is Mel Gibson's website. No, no Gibson's website.

He's the only, he's an only soaker. That's how, that's how cool and, and God like Mel Gibson is. He's making the movieaker. That's how cool and godlike Mel Gibson is. He's making a movie again. Good. Yeah.

He tends to make good movies. I liked Apocalypto. I loved Apocalypto. Is he directing or is he acting? Because I think he's doing a movie about the creation of the dictionary. Oh, I don't even know about that. New movie. It's called Boss Level.

I think he's acting. Boss Level? It says, 2019, Boss Level, a retired military operative, finds himself in a never-ending time loop on the day of his death. Starring Frank Grillo, Mel Gibson, Matilda Oliver, Annabelle,

and others. That sounds pretty good. Rob Gronkowski's in it. Yeah. You know, when they put retired football players in movies, it's a sign it's going to be a good movie. The one I'm excited about? These guys have been CTE'd into not being able to deliver a line.

Oh. Well, that's probably true. Brad Pitt's making a new movie. It's called ad astra which i think is like latin for like to the stars or something like that and uh yeah and it is a uh space movie with the crazy crazy special effects i think there's maybe an alien situation going on as well he's like the he's the only man who can do the job he's being sent into space it looks pretty fucking

awesome. I think Brad Pitt has made too many movies where they de-emphasize how good looking he is. I wonder if that was a good move or a bad one. I just, I think he's a great actor. I think he's good in pretty much everything that he does. I feel like it's been a while since we've had, maybe it's because I'm not as in

tune with movies as probably, definitely not Kyle and probably not as much as Woody even even has he done anything good once upon a time in hollywood quentin tarantino's newest films coming out soon it stars brad pitt uh margot robbie and uh and uh good cast well uh there's more there's there's there's several um uh the leader and leonardo dicaprio that is a good guest i like le Leo a lot. Yeah, Brad Pitt is Leo's stuntman in the movie, I believe. It's about the Manson murders among other things.

Hmm. Yeah. He's dead, right? Or is he alive still? He's alive. He's like 77, 78 now. I ride him like once a month. He's doing well. That's good. Apparently he still gets so many

women riding him because there's something about women wanting to fuck serial killers. Dude, there's more. Or some weird women wanting to fuck serial killers. There's some actors. So Margot Qualley? I don't know. I don't know her. But Timothy Oliphant, Dakota Fanning,

Luke Perry, Al Pacino, Kurt Russell, and then I don't know her. Timothy Oliphant, Dakota Fanning, Luke Perry, Al Pacino, Kurt Russell, and then I don't know the rest. There's a lot of top names. Yeah, I'm excited for that one. Apparently, I saw this fucking bullshit. They were like Sundance and they showed it to the crowd and everybody was

sucking each other's dicks so hard in the audience. They did one of those things where they just clapped for like a solid 10 minutes like Stalin was up there taking notes or something like that they just don't stop and i'm just like okay we get it stop yeah i've never seen anything so good in my life that i couldn't stop clapping 10 minutes later yeah their hands have to hurt after a while stalin would do that you know st that. They would take note to see if somebody stopped clapping early and they'd fucking kill those people, send them to the gulag,

shit like that, because they're not showing full dedication. And that became known. So then everybody's just sweating profusely, clapping. 15 minutes into Stalin just showing up on stage. So Stalin had to get a bell that he would go, now it's time for everybody to sit down.

You need your permission to stop clapping. Well, that was kind of him. Yeah, I like it. I was wondering how it worked. Yeah, why would you even want that? That would be like fucking a prostitute. You know that nobody wants to be clapping. You know that she just wishes

she would have finished school. She's only doing that so that she gets tuition money, have finished school like probably she's only doing that so that she gets tuition money taylor taylor have you ever seen those trolling porn star videos where the guy's really mean to the port to the like wannabe porn stars no no you've never seen this shit oh my god oh my god it's so cruel it's so fucked is it made up like a script no no no it's fucking real it's fucking real they sit's fucking real. What kind of things do they say? Oh, they sit down and he's immediately like, like the girl's like cross-eyed.

And he's like, which eye do I look at? She's just like this one. Like one of them sits down and like, Jesus fucking Christ. What are you, a clown? And like, like she gets naked and she's like, this was my first tattoo. And it's like a pot leaf above her pussy. She like i really regret it he's like yeah i bet you regret that for sure that one and that one he keeps pointing to each of her tattoos and that

one and that one and that one she's like what's the name of the porno gonna be it's gonna be i wish i'd finished school you dumb slut and just mean fucking shit and he's like today is my like like it they they edit it so that you see like the first introduction of like four women and then like midway through the the porno and it's like a real like rough porno they're getting throat fucked and like spat on and like drug across the floor and uh and they're often crying a lot um because you know they're just spitting in their face continuously it doesn't sound hot it's not it'd be funnier if it was like it was like uh it was like a clip where it's like ben shapiro destroys crack whore's pussy with facts and logic or something and lame like that have you seen those like little making fun of little ben shapiro memes

things like yeah because he got destroyed by some british journalist dude did you watch that i saw a part of that where it was like he gets asked something that you know uh a 17 year old college student wouldn't ask him and suddenly he's like this is not fair this is i am done with this i'm out of here it's like oh wow you really look like a total retard when you did that he did it what it basically it is is it he kind of got exposed for dunking on fisher price rims all these years and when he finally gets up against like an actual guy he didn't look so good and uh the the guy that was interviewing him is this conservative from the uk and not a like you know they're a little more left than we are but this guy would

be right of he'd be very conservative by any standard but when he asks questions he asks difficult ones you know probing ones you know talk about this yeah you had this position before where are you on that now and uh ben assigned this liberal out-to-get-you gotcha motive to him that was inaccurate. He interviews everyone like this, and I guess he's well-known overseas. And Ben Shapiro was saying lame stuff like, you know what? I don't even know why I'm going to be here

because I'm famous and you're not, and I've never heard of you. So there. I'm famous and you're not. Yeah, I'm going to go on Twitter and tweet about it. Yeah, it is funny because like it really did expose him in a way as someone who is just like i'm gonna dominate this 16 year old policy discussion that they have no idea anything i can just make stuff up and they wouldn't know i'm making it up i don't want to get too far away from trolling the porn stars he tells i want to

hear more about that it looks like your ass is actually melting he says you've got pimples all over your titties and like she's getting fucked and like you can see her butthole and he's like look at the dark part of her butthole it looks like the bat symbol it does he's doing this while he's fucking what he's the cameraman and like some some other dudes are fucking them he He's just mean. I don't like it. That's so fucking mean. It hurts feelings. I mean, yeah, but what's the trade-off? She starts shaking her tits.

She's got gross boobs, and she starts shaking them. He goes, please don't do that. We could watch with just the audio, maybe. We probably can't put pornography on YouTube pornography let's not there's the link though if you want to save

that for later nothing on is ever good and I know Kyle thinks it's funny because it is an easier time being cruel but dude I watched that And I know Kyle thinks it's funny because he has an easier time being cruel. Dude, I watched that. Everything I've ever seen on that has made me emotionally poor.

You're right. Like you do, you know, like when you get into like a weird tangent on the internet, not even something this bad. But you'll just watch stuff and you just feel emptier inside. He goes, what's your name? Summer Love. Summer Love. Sounds like a fucking douche. stuff and you just feel empty or inside he goes what's your name summer love summer love sounds like a fucking douche he's like he's quick-witted and incredibly mean like the black girls he's like what's your name and she's she's like coconut sunrise or whatever he's like what mocha and caramel was all fucking taken? They all sound like summer drinks.

Yeah, it's mean as shit. And don't worry because this is kind of a short video. It's only four minutes long or something. Because there are eight parts and they do one every year. So there's like 50 of these videos to go through. I've seen them all now. The link he gave has the trolling of wannabe porn stars dot HTML in it on

EFUCT. So you guys can find it on your own. Yeah. Just go to EFUCT. That's the letter E F U K T dot com. And then under videos, you'll find a whole category called trolling porn stars. And it's delightful.

It's delightful. Delightful. Is that, are people even masturbating to that or are they just cracking up? No, it's, it's delightful delightful is that are people even masturbating to that or are they just no no it's it's you don't masturbate on e-fucked you have a good time you'd have to be fucked to masturbate on e-fucked it's mean and it's it's often like i haven't seen it motherless i saw it a year let's not be hard let's be judgy i guess the guy's kink was having a woman step

on his hard dick or hurt him, but she had a high heel and it pierced his penis. Yeah, his ball, actually. Yeah, I saw that. And they did one of those scenes, as they're known, where like... Who's that for? For him?

He's been a dirty boy, Alex. Caw, caw. His cock and balls are through a hole in a board, and he's under the board boy alex his cock and balls are like through a hole in a board and he's under the board so only his cock and balls are visible to her and she's like doing a little tap dance on him with like six inch heels and pops right through it's terrible it's fucking great it's fucking great yeah he fucks great they've got a lot of like um they got a whole category of like awkward porn moments where like people shit on people or fart on people um or or like or like people start like crying and stuff and like i made a huge life mistake i'll fuck the dog just no more anal like i do think it's funny how he fucked i just clicked on the link to like their main site and

their mascot is just an owl with a dick. Yeah. So that's pretty funny. That's Cocky the Hooter. Is Cocky the Hooter? Just making that up. The worst male orgasms ever has 325,000 views. Who's watching this?

Me! Because they scream really loud, way over the top i was wondering like what is a terrible male orgasm like yeah yeah it's great and and they'll be like chicks with like no personality and stuff like that they just lay there it's it's a lot of really funny shit a lot of a lot of weird stuff uh it's it's it's great it's great it's it's my little corner of the internet well it's certainly unique yeah yeah it's pretty neat is there any anything we could watch

that you would would give you a laugh on this kyle or you know what just just scrolling through it looks like none of this is okay to put on. Taylor, you sweet summer child. No, there's nothing on E-Fuck that we can watch on this show. This one is literally nothing but sex assaults. This is where men jizz on unsuspecting women.

Here's a whole category called cum haters. These are women who clearly did not want to get came upon. i awkward moments are pretty good i look forward i saw some of those when i went to uh dickflash.com when i was like finding funny stories on those like a month or so back and there's a whole category in dickflash.com which i'm still blown away this is just straight up illegal you're not allowed to do this you're not allowed to just show your dick to people in public.

You're not allowed to come on people in public. That's assault. It's sexual assault. And there's whole forums where it's like, I went and I came on an unsuspecting woman at a bus stop and it'll just be like a bad angle. And then it's just like in the middle of watching it, I'd turn it off.

Just like this. This isn't even funny. I always get a kick out of the timeline for this show because the guy that does it legit has to make it so that like the youtube sensors don't automatically flag it or whatever so it's gonna be like bus stop hijink talk with taylor well that's what it is it's just some guy going out there and it's like a horrible camera that he's holding like next to his his uh his dick and he's like masturbating and there's like some poor unsuspecting woman waiting for the bus and then like his heavy breathing undoubtedly overweight body is like like half jogs over there as he's about to come. And then just. And then just like doubles back and runs away.

I wonder if you work at a fast food restaurant. How often you get one of those special customers. I mean most of them are just going to want food. But like once a week do you see a dick? Maybe. Oh someone who like wants to masturbate. While you're getting their buffalo sauce for their nuggets or something. I'll even settle for the guy who grabs the ice cream by the

top or something. That's funny. That is funny. I like that. When he grabs that, he just starts eating it. See, that's a good-spirited prank. Yeah. I like that prank. That's much better than I was going to say the prank of ejaculating on people

in public, but that's not a prank. That's a fucking crime. They just ejaculate on people in public but that's not a prank well they just ejaculate on themselves at least the video i saw and i don't know how he does the hands-free ejaculation that's not a trick i picked up but he does it that's indecent exposure well i think if your car window comes up high enough they can't see anything either anyway you know like if you think about it like from from the camera's angle obviously you can see cock and then burger king employee but from the burking employee that her angle you know the window's there it just occurred to me you're thinking of a truck right if your car is low enough then they're ah you can't see my cock in my car you have a camaro yeah no still No, I've seen it. It was a clear view.

Oh, it's the passenger seat. Well, your head was right in my lap. You'd been serving me a blizzard. I like the chocolate-covered cherry blizzard from Dairy Queen. You had no idea. And it's funny how all the guys on Dick Flash will give each other tips to avoid the 5-0 where they'll be like i had an awesome story this past weekend where i went to

a beach that's not necessarily a nude beach and i just started beating off on my own towel and a woman walked over and said she wanted to touch my dick and so i came all over the place and then i left and everybody will be like awesome that's so awesome dude god that i'm so hard right now thinking about that be careful though bro one wrong move and you're in jail speaking from experience pal and it's like he's being some of them like one i was reading one earlier today like i was trying to i usually pull this up before the show to try and find one and i got too disheartened and gross feelings i got rid of it this time but i i saw one where the guy's like man the first time i remember showing my dick to someone who didn't want it. I was 20 years old.

It was 1977. And it's like, this guy is 62 years old, and he's on this forum. And his profile picture will be a fat, ugly man with a tiny dick. And it's like, that's what this guy's been living his whole life, and also forcing people to look at his fat, nasty body. And so it just really opens your eyes. It's a mix of revolting,

but also makes you feel like a pretty good guy. You know? This is E-Fucked we're still on? No, Dick Flash. People talk about going around trying to upset, not upset people, trying to get people to look at their dicks. I was saying there's a modicum of ew,

but then there's an even bigger piece of like oh someone just got a another surge of moral high ground this is i feel like a pretty good guy now you're like teenage woody would use this on his parents like you know oh you're failing out of school but i don't do drugs and i have no videos on e fucked you should be happy with how I'm turning out. Well, I don't think you could use that. I don't know if E-Fucked was a domain at the time. Did you find something good, Kyle? Yeah, but we can't share it.

I guess I could share it with you and then describe it. What is it? It's called American History XXX. No, is there going to be like a gross curb stomping scene? That's what I'm predicting. Well, it would appear to me that... The beginning of this is just a clip from American History X.

The thumbnail is a woman in maybe a Klan hood tying up two black guys on a black leather couch. This is titled the most racist porn scene in history. And it's titled that proudly. So I skipped around and apparently there were two...

What did you say? They like to be called Woody? I am not going to read that word. What'd you say? say no i'm not there's a there's a little bit i skipped to the wrong point and i saw almost like a pink sock action i'm done with that oh well i saw a fried chicken to uh two black gentlemen and a young lady wearing clan hood and she was she was holding up the fried chicken like, what's this doing here? And then they both double-teamed her.

Yeah, that... Just the description of this video. Like, there's nothing... I don't feel comfortable reading any of it. It says salt food. I don't want to read it either. That's the only non-offensive pair of words. Yeah.

Man, this is... I haven't been on EFUX since the last time Kyle suggested it. Yeah. This is shocking. There is a lot of stuff here. And Kyle, this is why... I think you and I were the two titans of watch this video without getting grossed out that night. Oh, yeah. Because I remember White Boy was struggling bad. were the the two titans of watch this video without getting grossed out that night oh yeah

oh because i remember white boy was struggling bad i was the only guy that made it through the whole gauntlet if i recall oh no we're talking about uh when we were in joliet oh we were watching those horrible videos in the lobby of the marriott and uh uh kelly and white boy and and team art weren't doing so hot at all especially if i remember correctly correct me if i'm wrong kyle but i think white boy was really struggling white boy never seen a man raped to death by a horse no and that was one that you let off with i legit don't know how many times i've seen that at least half dozen uh and the poor kitty was like having to like she was being the arbiter of grossness where you'd

be like like she'd be like all right i'm gonna turn it around and pick something else gross uh kyle taylor you don't have to drink uh kelly white boy t-mart you do and then he'd pick something and turn it around and you'd be like that's easy pick something else i've seen that before she's like kyle it's someone eating someone that before. She's like, Kyle, it's someone eating someone else's shit. It's like, yeah, I know. It's boring. Get something a little out there. There's no blood in the shit.

Come on. Nobody even looks like they have a disease. This is clearly a healthy shit. That was a fun game. Is that probably the most dangerous? Oh, go ahead. Oh, then you ate all that queso. That was grosser than any of those videos.

Was you eating queso with a spoon? No, no. I took an entire jar of queso and just drank it down. That made me want to fucking vomit. It was the chunky kind, too. It wasn't just smooth cheese. It had bits of tomato in it and onions and stuff.

Best $5 ever. That's the record we can get. Jars of queso consumed in 30 seconds. I bet you could get at least one and a half. I think I had one minute to do the one jar, and I beat that easily. 30, 35 seconds, and I finished the entire jar of I beat that easily. 30-35 seconds and I finished the entire jar. A titan of cheese chugging.

It was like 1400 calories. And it's all fat. I bet your shit the next day was just pure slick yellow. Just a yellow river. It was fucking tasty. I microwaved it first. Of course, you don't want to be weird. Yeah, you wouldn't want that. That was fucking tasty. I microwaved it first. I mean, come on. I'm not a... Of course, you don't want to be weird. Yeah, you wouldn't want that.

That was fucking tasty. Hayley, do you have any topics? Yeah, we can jump to something. I know that we got to have a little advertisement right now. Advertisement? Do you want to jump to that? Yeah, I can do that. Tell everybody about ExpressVPN.

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for less than the cost of one ticket to the Blues game. When you put it like that... Yeah, as a matter of fact but also let's talk about someone who is sponsoring this episode quip they have fantastic toothbrushes i use mine every day it's got a wonderfully sensitive vibration that's good for my fake teeth and my sensitive gums up here i went to uh i went to the dentist a couple days ago for like a, like most people go to the dentist probably like twice a year. I go probably five, six times a year for like tooth updates and things because like last time

they're like, yeah, when we put these teeth on or we put this like plaster on, we, we left too much of a contoured Ridge. And so you're just, you know, no matter how much you brush,

you're not going to be able to get every food particle out from underneath your gums and so we need to have you come back in and shave down the top part right where it meets your gums and he was telling me he's like like he's the dentist is in there in my mouth and the hygienist is there with their fucking tools and everything and he's like all right so what we're gonna do here i have a very soft spoken dentist which is good for dentistry i think because most people don't enjoy it and he was like trying to get in there with the little tool or whatever just like sanding stuff down and he's like i just can't get close enough susan can you uh get me the gum retractor and i was like i've never had this tool used in my mouth before,

but all it was, it felt just like a hook that he would hook under like the corner of my gums between the teeth. You know how there's like that little point of gum in between your teeth, like not, not a big point of gum, but you can kind of see that the contouring of your gum around your teeth. And they would take like those little areas and he put a hook there

and he pulled it up and then would take the thing go and then i remember sitting there for like five minutes being like man this just fucking sucks and he was like all right one down so he had to do all six of my i better get a lolly after this and he literally told me he was like so uh you know i'm gonna show you a mirror it doesn't look great right now uh what you're gonna want to do is put this salve on your gums brush use a water pick i already own a water pick that i use semi-regularly that stuff is such a pain in the ass i don't like to use it but you're going to put about half a hydrogen peroxide half water in there to clean this out

and then i was like whatever whatever and he like slathered numbing stuff on my mouth too and so i couldn't and it was still hurting and it was only these top what did it look like thankfully the tool i don't know no no you said your gums it doesn't look great right now did you reveal to like a bloody like they brought they brought the mirror down i would say too soon like you know it's like that scene in the first batman smile and i'm like and it's just blood all over my teeth. All the bottoms of my gums are red, raw, horrible.

These are going to be fine in a couple days, but you're going to want to definitely take good care of your teeth, of your gums until then. It fucking sucked. At the end of the day, it's better than having 130-year-old teeth, so I'm fine with that.

But Jesus Christ, I am so tired of going to the dentist. They literally got to the point where there's a teeny... You go five times a year. Of course you are. There's a teeny little chip in this one. I couldn't even put my fingers far enough apart to show it. A little tiny divot. I was laying in the chair, and she was like,

all right, we're going to fix that up. I'm like, no. No. No, you just tore my gums up like i i want to go home we're not friends anymore friendship ended with her so were they going to build it up or just file away so they had a normal profile it was just uh it wasn't even because of the the profile it was just because like when they put all that plaster on like if here's the front face of my tooth naturally and here's my gum line up here no they had too much of oh the chip they would have put more plaster on there it would have been really fast but i didn't want to deal with it and so yeah they weren't adding anything else it was just shaving them down which i'm pretty not to toot my own horn after a lot of

this i'm pretty good at handling dental pain like I'm just used to just sitting there laying there they they do whatever they're gonna fucking do their little torturous devices but that gum puller upper thing there were like a couple times during it where it's like I'm gonna have to tap out like this this is so fucking painful and terrible especially when when that grinder thing, he's not a fucking brain surgeon, so he's not avoiding the gums 100% with that fucking gritty sander.

I don't like this story. I don't like this. We've been talking about grinding your gums for five minutes now, and it's really making me uncomfortable. When's the last time, or I guess what's the most work either of you have done at the dentist i've had a root canal and i've had a tooth pulled woody you've had a root canal right no one time i had a cavity oh man you got some good oral health one cavity in your life yeah i also um i've told this before but one time i absent-mindedly bit my fork and

cracked like my front teeth in a really small way and uh it's not that big a deal they just sort of add some stuff on uh form it and it was painless yeah yeah that stuff's not too bad like getting these actual things put on hurt less than them sanding it down the other day i'll bet that sounds horrific like i like i've had the tooth pulled and i've had the the full on root canal and neither one where did you have the root canal uh in the top in the back did that hurt i've never had a root canal no no people complain about root canals or pussies now of course i know exactly what a root canal is but for people out there who don't know describe it in detail as if pretend i'm an idiot okay they uh they they grind the entire top of your tooth sort of flat and they burrow the entire rotten part of it all

the way down till it's nothing but healthy tooth in the center of your molar. And then they drill all the way down through the root of your tooth through the nerve. They drill the nerve out that's coming up into your tooth. And there's like two of them. They're in these canals. That's the root part of, that's the root canal. And they drill all that out. And then they inject it with like this plastery plastic shit. Then they wait for that to harden and then they fill the tooth back in and put a cap on it. I have some questions about the pain. If you were to stack rank what was most painful, was it the state you were in that required the root canal beforehand, the procedure, or the recovery?

None of it was bad. Before, the worst pain was before because sometimes if I bit on a piece of food just right, it would go up into the tooth and hit the nerve and that could be an extreme amount of pain. That was bad. But the root canal itself, I felt like we never got above like a two out of 10 on the pain scale. It was mostly uncomfortability because they had this thing that likes opens your mouth and like sort of quarantines the tooth. This whole like blue plastic bullshit that sort of like does this. And the center hole is like, are you under or no?

No, I'm fully awake. If there was something about your procedure or your doctor that made your experience better than everyone else's. Did you have a little root canal, if such a thing exists? I got some x-rays

somewhere. It didn't look too little. It was the biggest tooth in my mouth. You've got to be Novacaine before. He injected that shit into my gums and we waited for it to actually work and then he drilled the fuck out of my mouth for like an hour and a half two hours and as the novocaine wore off you didn't have some anywhere it eventually i mean after i left yeah yeah they gave me um yeah it started hurting a little bit afterwards but they gave me

um what are they called they're called like tylenol fives or something like that three yeah tylenol three so it's a mixture of tylenol fives or something like that three yeah tylenol three so it's a mixture of tylenol which anybody can buy but a lot of it and coating um which you can't buy which is a narcotic and that's some good shit i disagree yeah well well you haven't had enough of it i i don't think everyone reacts the same like i know other people too who are like like the the sort of sickness feeling I get from it is worse than the pain I am avoiding. Is it an opiate?

Yeah. Because opiates, I've only taken one ever before my eardrum was about to burst when I was like 18 and it was a Percocet and all it did was make me feel itchy. Oh, I was itchy. I love the itchiness. No, I did not like the itchiness. Yeah, good and scratchy. I had a girlfriend she scratches you Oh, I love the itchiness. No, I did not like the itchiness. Yeah, good and scratchy. Get your girlfriend.

She scratches you, and you're just high as fuck on coding. I remember laying in the bed just itchy as fuck, but also the pain was finally gone, and so it was like a tradeoff. And then getting to the end of Wizard of Oz on Netflix and not having the energy to pick something else out to watch, and so I just went to play from beginning. I, uh,

I was really, I was really hungry when I got home from the root canal and I knew that the, the Novocaine or whatever was about to wear off and there'd be pain and I wouldn't be able to eat good food for a while. So I was like, I'm taking advantage of this. How much damage could we do? So I got like those, those select chicken tendcdonald's and just munched them up

not giving a fuck and i like spat blood by the time i was done but they were delicious did you guys ever get your wisdom teeth removed i did that one of the one the one i had to get cut out um and pulled or just pulled really uh that was a wisdom tooth uh and uh he he took it out in literally two minutes like he really yeah like like he gave me the numbing stuff he came back and he's like you ready to get that tooth out i'm like fuck yeah and he fucking all right here it is got it and i was, holy shit, that was fast. I barely felt a thing. He's like, yeah. Like, I felt pressure because he's prying a tooth out of my head.

But, like, I have it somewhere. It's disgusting. The only issue was he, like, fractured it. He broke it up a lot to getting it out. And three pieces afterwards of very sharp fragments of teeth that are like, like if you took a grain of rice and broke it in half like that, but tooth. So it's like obsidian,

you know, obsidian will break in these weird sharp. Yeah. That forced its way through my gum and came out and, and, and, uh, three of them kind of,

um, uh, but that was like left inside of the, the tooth hole, uh, when they sewed it up and they forced themselves back through my gum over the course of the months and months to follow. And occasionally I'd feel like a little prick back there with my tongue and I just like scratch a little and then I grab it and

pull the tooth through my gum. Oh, look at that. Throw that away. I've told my wisdom tea story before, but the guy was a client of my father's. My father was an accountant, so he had sort of contacts and almost everything and this guy's an oral surgeon i guess the thought process was that you know because our like my dad knew him i would get extra care or something didn't turn out like that uh he was like 45 minutes late for like even showing up like it was late. And then I get there. And in a whirlwind, I remember. He tore his coat off. Threw it on the hook.

Put me under. Next thing I know, I'm on the front yard. Crying. Begging. Grabbing the grass. And not wanting to go into my girlfriend Jackie's car. And it was just a brutal experience. I recovered so poorly. i was damn near addicted

to painkillers at the three weeks later my face was puffy and huge and like so many people recover from their wisdom teeth over the weekend yeah yeah none of them were impacted but like three of them were would have been eventually like they were growing sideways and uh it was just a terrible terrible recovery i missed like weeks of work and really got into the painkiller it opened my eyes because like i didn't have access to more painkillers after my prescription ran out but if i was one of those guys that did like a i think um brett farve was like addicted to him roughly about this time. And I'm like, man, yeah, if I was him and I had guys throwing pills at me anytime I wanted them, I felt that pull of wanting more.

And that was my experience. It was terrible. That must suck. Speaking of recent injuries, my ass is still so bruised from falling out of that bed. Color update? Are we into the purplish dissipating area now? Yellowish green. I can see the area that I landed on that board. Ground zero we call it.

Because the ground zero area has faded into like a pale green. But the areas surrounding on the top and bottom. It's almost California shaped. Across my whole ass. Is still like dark, dark purple. And so it's like Iifornia shaped across my whole ass is still like dark dark purple and so it's like i'm to the point now like this side ribs doesn't really hurt anymore i'm pretty good there but like god it is i i can like actively tell like i'm finally getting decent sleep the last few days but for like eight nine days there like to sleep. I was waking up like every 90 minutes and

it was getting to the point where waking up in the morning, it's like, but I got nine and a half hours of sleep. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I didn't sleep at all. I had to wake up every 90 minutes and roll over. Oh, now my ass is too sore. Now my ribs are too sore. I can't sleep on my back. I got to try and sleep on my stomach, but'm not not a natural stomach sleeper and so that's really hard for me to sleep on my stomach because i've had so many fucking uh sinus surgeries up here that like if i lay on my stomach and and go like that sometimes i'll like wake myself up going like like because like my i've had a fucked up septum since i was a kid whatever fucking i need to remember what doctor did my few uh septum

surgeries because he fucked that up put him on blast on the show that'll teach him put him on blast hey doctor fucking i don't remember your name asshole in 1997 you started yeah you did this and that so but yeah no refunds my ass is still recovering. It's much more like... It's last week, dark black purple. This week, starting to look more like a pride flag. I'm getting every color of the rainbow in there starting to appear. That's good. That just means it's healing.

And it's spreading wide. If I have a good small bruise, it'll turn into a large weak bruise as it dissipates and spreads. That's what you're going through. So you're sleeping now. You're sleeping well and it's like you're back to you again? Is that the deal? I'm sleeping much, much better. But I can still tell when I stand up, even from this chair, it's like, oh got a nice nice itchy sting in my ass cheek

that's that's not pleasant sleep is so huge i i so i got that sleep apnea machine like i don't know was that a year and a half ago maybe yep and uh like when i first well it took a couple days to get like good at sleeping in it like even now to put it on and get comfortable with it but once i started sleeping well it was like life changing like oh my god you guys were all doing this the whole time this is like sleeping all night without waking up once a minute that's really nice it's oh yeah and just like i don't know 8 a.m i'm like fresh and jumping out of bed and something about the act of putting it on and stuff, it fixes the sleep schedule to some extent. Because you don't have a weird,

unmaintained sleep schedule while also engaging this machine. It kind of puts you to bed. CPACs, they force air into you, right? Yeah, they pressurize. Yeah, you guys are both right. I have a BPAP because I am an outstandingly bad sleeper.

So it actually kicks in like a respirator. If you just stop breathing, it'll suck a breath out of you. That's so weird because you're not overweight. I'm not. It could be better.

But I'm not the sort of guy who you'd identify. I said this before. I went to an ENT because I really didn't want the CPAP. It wasn't my thing. So I'm like, hey, man, is there a surgery we can do? Why don't you just shrink my tongue? I don't know what you want to do in there, but got any ideas? And he's like, yeah, your airway is bad in five different ways.

And a CPAP will change your life. Meanwhile, any surgery I do will just make it 20% better. You will still not be where you want to be. He's like, if you were my brother, because we were like the same age, he's like, this is a no-brainer. I kick you out of this office and send you

to the sleep guys. Those were the words that I needed to hear. To be like, alright, the surgery angle's not for me. Huge UFC fight this weekend. Which one? Well, the biggest one for me is obviously Tony Ferguson versus Cowboy Cerrone.

In five seconds. For people who know UFC cards, typically there are five fights in the main event and they get stacked ranked as bigger and bigger fights. The one thatyle and i are equally excited about is number three well that's because it got added on to a card like it would be wrong i feel like to like demote someone from their main card position and i'm sure that deals have already been signed based on the main card position of those i think the other two are belt fights i don't mean main card i mean um you know championship coat uh main co-main yeah it's valentina shevchenko my favorite fighting like jessica i or die or something like jessica and then uh and then um henry sahudo is fighting uh mariano or

you're probably right i don't know yeah he's fighting a very you got henry kahudo versus marlon mores uh okay The one you just said. And then Tony Ferguson versus Donald Cerrone. Yes. Tony is a madman. He's going to come out with some crazy moves. And they're going to have to file a separation order to protect Donald Cerrone from him. He's going to scoop his kid up right after he wins and, well, not hold him high, but more like

jump a few fences and flee. Tony went crazy at a middle breakdown a few months ago and all those things happened, but not in a fun way. His wife had to get a protection order against him. There's one part where they described him in this maniacal evening where he just, like, a wild animal, like, scoop. You know how a gorilla will scoop up the little gorilla

and run with it? He did that to his son and leapt over a fence and kept going with the son. And it's not a toddler. He grabbed a 10-year-old kid and did this. Which in itself is an impressive athletic feat. shit that is yeah uh ferguson went i don't know how to say went crazy like a sterile medical condition but there it is you know i i i try to be empathetic to what he

went through but yeah he lost it for a while it It could be a brain damage thing. I don't know. For a while. But it's still nuts. Yeah, he was. And it's funny because he was nuts in like a charismatic, interesting way for a year. Okay. You know, and then he went nuts in a not funny way, you know, that like involves a level of spousal and parental. There's people in the walls. And he's like, he's like ripping the mantle apart. Like, mantle apart like like like there's listening devices in my couch and he's tearing the couch apart he's like he thought that they had implanted uh like a computer chip inside of

his leg which is kind of scary because like what if he starts digging his leg apart you know he went legitimately crazy when he was just doing weird workouts and stuff he was quirky and then when he started like tearing his walls apart his fingers, it was not funny anymore. And his wife was restraining him. And now he's turning back around and everyone's in his corner but a little scared. That's where I am anyway. I want good things to happen for him, but keep the straight jacket nearby just in case. I always go back to that key and peel skit

right like oh yeah are y'all are y'all having me fight an actual crazy person because that ain't fan of him or me so uh and and and the fight if you're an mma fan is also interesting because there's they haven't i don't think officially declared it as a title eliminator. But whoever wins, Cerrone or Ferguson, has a real good chance of going against the winner of Khabib versus Poirier. Poirier. Yeah, so those guys are the champs. Unless Conor comes back.

Unless Conor decides that he wants a fight at any weight division anywhere against a man or woman. If Conor decides that he really likes toying with Tony Ferguson's mental health, he can just I think I'll fight for a discount. Yeah, why not? Dude.

He's trying to fight Mayweather again now. He called him out on Twitter or something. As if he can read it. What an ineffective call-out. You should have made a video. Yeah, yeah. It's a big fight, though. It's a big fight. Because look,

Tony Ferguson's never lost his fucking title. He lost to a fucking trip doing media shit. He hasn't lost. He's like 25-3 or something like that. And he hasn't lost a fight in like nine fucking years. He's legit as it gets he's amazing it feels like it i don't remember the last fight tony ferguson lost like not in my memory has he's on a great run that's like maybe 11 or 12 fights like it's crazy

and uh and obviously cowboys on a fucking tear these last four fights he's like he's like in his late 30s but he seems to be getting younger. Who knows how. Kyle's pretty right. It would take a minute to count these, but his last loss was in 2012. Oh, yeah. It's a long fucking time. Good seven years.

That was one of your numbers. He's on 11 fight win streaks since 2012, so damn. Especially considering the time he was out. That three months when his leg blew up. He wasn't even out that long. Yeah, it was crazy. But he won the title against Kevin Lee, which looked really good at the time. It was like the legit win, right?

Because Khabib won his against Al Iaquinta. And it was like, you beat the number 11 dude. Like, do you even win a title? But since then, Khabib's beat Conor and I felt like really sort of and Al has performed very well and Al has meanwhile Kevin Lee has not performed very well and but you and you also have to take into account that he was fighting a very reduced diminished Kevin Lee in that title bout because Kevin Lee had staff and you could see the staff on Kevin Lee which is disgusting if I'm the king of the UFC

anybody shows up with that fucking staff on them they don't get to fight it's on his face and his chest I think it's disgusting like and if I'm across the ring and the guy's coming at me with literal like flesh eating fucking plague on his face like bubbled up I'm like you're gonna

make me fight this guy? That's not fair to me! That's not fair to me. You're right, that's not fair at all. That's not fair. Like, I don't want to grapple with that fucking dude. Like, get the hell out of here. I'll kind of nail it.

Kevin Lee, who looked like a really legit win, doesn't look as great in hindsight, now that Kevin Lee struggled so much and he was diminished. And Khabib, he looks diminished and and khabib he looks great and everyone he beats is tough guy so i feel like khabib's the true champ if he beats poirier too i mean goodness who's gonna win that fight could be versus poirier i think poirier definitely has a good shot but i think you got to lean on khabib i i think that khabib's uh wrestling is just next level,

and nobody has found a cure for it yet. I think you've got to go to George St. Pierre to find someone who has the physicality to deal with the smash. Poirier could knock Khabib out with one shot, though. That's the other thing. Can't Khabib knock him out with one shot? That's not his strong suit. It's sort of a striking against grappling fight, Khabib versus Poirier.

Yeah. Yeah, Poirier is a very powerful striker, and he's more well-balanced than Conor is. Who did Poirier just beat? Was it Iaquinta? No, that was Cowboy. Yeah. Oh, Cowboy beat Iaquinta.

Who did Poirier just beat what was it champ dude right yeah yeah it's uh it's the guy it's the max holloway is who he just beat yeah but that was like poirier walked in weighing like 192 fucking pounds and holloway comes in like it was interesting 180 holloway had a lot if i remember like holloway's style is lots and lots of sort of light punches and Poirier is a couple of haymakers and you get to see how over time Poirier's style was just

touching him up yeah Holloway is all about volume and I think Holloway is just when he cleared out 145 everybody was like move up move up and I'm like nah nah when you clear out a division you do what john jones does you crown yourself king and you and you keep collecting paychecks like who else you got

santiago who all right boom like you just keep fighting them and keep like like set some fucking records while you're able to coast well the other thing with max he had missed weight like three times so one of them was short notice one of them he had like an injury like he did have excuses but yeah you know it you could see why people were calling for him to move up and wait fucking fucking uh dcs he's gonna fight one more heavy and then he's coming down to light to fight john i i can't figure out if that's brave or cowardly, and let me lay it out. So fighting Stipe, undeniably brave. We like that. Stipe's the best or second best guy at heavyweight.

Love it. He wants to fight John Jones at 205, not at heavyweight. So is it, one, he wants a run back of the fights he lost. He wants maybe a non-juiced Jon Jones, if such a thing exists, Captain Pico Grant. Jon won't fight him at heavy. Jon wants him at heavy, I think. I know he said he doesn't want to go up there

and damage his heavy legacy, but he's also said he wants to go up there and fuck him up. So Jon said both. But Daniel Cormier, either he wants to fight him at 205 and run that back and fix the record, or he's afraid that if he loses to Jon Jones at heavy that he'll always be Jon Jones' bitch.

It's like he has less on the line at 205. I've heard Jon talk about it a few times, and he's said that if he goes to heavy, it'll be on his terms and it'll be very selective about who he fights at heavy and that he does not want to fight Daniel at heavy because of the skills and advantages of that gives Daniel and the respect he has for Daniel as an opponent. But down at 205, Daniel loses any, any power advantage, any weight and inertia and leverage advantage that he does have at heavy that's john's world you can and and like like it's gonna be a hell of a cut for him anyway because he looks like he's ballooned up to maybe 270 these days uh so getting down to 205 means

he's gonna have to diet and work hard for six or eight months and then a camp i is so fat and everyone who knows fighting better than me says man he looked good at heavyweight my goodness doesn't he his performance at heavyweight is outstanding that's been his class all along and i'm like dude looks like fucking roy nelson looks like black roy nelson in there what the heck is miracle why does everyone think he looks so great because he's a nice guy and they don't want they don't want to be like yo yo fatty fatty boombaladdy and trim things up a little bit like you want to fight heavy then be a 225 pound heavy don't be fucking cutting to make heavyweight like you're fucking uh the black beast like this is absurd it's absurd he's way too big he's way too big he's way too big he you know like um when you see the retired athletes like like shaquille o'neal or

charles barkley is a better example you look at charles barkley now and it's almost surprising he ever played professional basketball he's such a fat person and but you look at daniel cormier and you think the same thing and he's the current heavyweight champion of the world in the hardest organization and you just oh my god you see what charles barkley said about brad marshand of the ruins but i'm curious marchand is he's a rat-faced fuck who's known for doing like really dirty things. He's the one versus the canes. I think in the last series, like there was a guy on the canes,

like on his knees in front of the goal, like after a play and March and just went over and with the stick, just like just punched him in the back of the head and just drifted away. He's the guy last season that licked someone's face. And Charles Barkley like was saying, he's like, man, I've been watching this NHL finals.

And every time I see this March and dude, I just want to punch him in his face. I just want to punch this guy right in his face. God, he bothers me. He annoys me so much. And then Brad Marchand had his own little interview being a troll, and he's like, honestly, I'm just flattered that a legend like charles barkley knows my name when i hear him say things like that i hear brad i want to be your friend do you say that i want to be i want to be your friend brad that made me like him a little more that's pretty fucking funny i'm i'm down with

that but um how does marsh and have such impenetrable feelings. Everybody hates him. Everyone hates him. And he's just like... Some people are fueled off of that. Some people love being the bad guy. You're talking about athletes that get big? I saw Lennox Lewis on fucking Joe Rogan. Lennox looks like he could jump back in there.

Lennox is in incredible shape. Lennox Lewis. He had the huge fight with Tyson he was an incredible heavyweight one of the best of all time British dude British dude he's 53 though yeah yeah yeah I mean I'm not saying he's gonna get in there and fight like like the current like whoever Deontay Wilder is that the guy that we saw like hit that guy in the head so hard the other night it looked like a bus crash Deontay well isn't he the guy oh Anthony Josh was the guy that just lost.

Yeah. Um, I think Deontay Wilder is the guy with that incredible highlight punch. He's the one that just tied Tyson Fury for all of them or whatever. It's coming out that I think Chara may play, play with a broken jaw in game five. Well, maybe that's just a picture of

Chara beating up another well known fighter because he's 6'10 or something now let me ask you this you target that jaw like do you immediately go out and do you try to put a shoulder in that jaw no you can't put a shoulder in Chara's jaw because he's like 6'10

but if you have a broken jaw and you hit somebody in the chest that's enough movement you're going to be fucking with them in addition to the fact he's going to have to be wearing a fishbowl mask which means his vision near his feet or like around there is going to be so it's going to be like a big daddy from bioshock out there yeah basically a big daddy from bioshock and it's like hearing that news as like as someone who i don't charles never done anything dirty to anyone on the blues so i don't have any dislike for him he shouldn't play but as a blues fan i welcome someone with a broken jaw playing against the most physical team in the nhl by far

i would like it if one of the guys came out with with one leg to show his toughness. Like, all right, if you want to play, okay. All right, Mr. 42-year-old, you want to play, go for it. You know, you can't see the puck at your feet. Like, if anything, it seems a little selfish for Chara to want to do that because, like, wouldn't it be much better to let fresh legs, even if they're not as good defensemen, hop in? I would much prefer Chara play with a broken jaw than some defenseman who's only 60, 70% as good

jump in with fresh legs and who hasn't taken any hits this series. Like that seems... Sometimes those AHL guys come in with a point to prove and play well. Yeah, exactly. They're playing for a career spot. And so I would much rather them play Chara

with a broken jaw who's going to be a shadow of his former self i would assume as opposed to putting in a fresh guy with new legs like so bruins fans you can you can tweet me your own opinions of that but do you think it's a little bit selfish of chara because he's got enough clout with the team that if he dictates to them i'm playing they're gonna let him play do you want him out there do you want him being the big eaten up minutes defenseman with a fishbowl on and with a broken jaw i wouldn't wait if got hurt i would not want him playing with a broken jaw i'd rather pull up some defenseman with fresh legs i think he's coming at it from a good place though i think he's trying to win

a cup and he's you know showing some toughness and i don't think that he sees it through the same lens you do i think that he's making a sacrifice, not a... What did you say it was? It's the opposite of a sacrifice. I wouldn't say he's being selfish whatsoever. I would say that he's jeopardizing his own team's chance of winning for him to be able to play more. It sounds selfish. It sounds like that's the word you...

Maybe a little bit, but just his presence on the bench is going to help out the Bruins a lot because he's such a great leader. But I mean, they're going to put Char out there with a broken jaw. I just saw they're going to play Grizzlik, who got a concussion like three games ago.

And it's like, first of all, that guy Grizzlik is not 6'10". He's going to get caught with even if it's a fucking clean as that guy grizzly is not 610 he's going to get caught with even if it's a fucking clean as the day is long hit that kid could be in trouble like this is a young kid who has a lot of bright future ahead of him in the nhl as a defenseman you're going to risk putting him into a situation where he can have his career ruined for this when you could just pull up some fresh legs i don't know i'm char's career ruined i'm hoping he retires he's 42 no uh grizzly Oh my mistake

The other defenseman who got concussed pretty badly From a hit I don't know what the Bruins are thinking If I were the Bruins coach I'd be like At least fucking chill out until game 6 Don't come in and jeopardize Our win By being hurt

Can I talk you into a little combat footage? Sure. Are people going to die? Oh, yeah. People are going to die. That's what I like to hear. Of course, combat footage is a Reddit. It's...

I'm trying to... I need a better adjective than pretty good. But are you guys ready? It's called unbelievable Drone Footage from a Group of ISIS Fighters Meeting Their End by Rocketfire on Reddit slash Combat Footage. Ready, set, play.

Oh, there's audio. Oh, wait. The audio is music and it's not even a good choice. So you see them scurrying along the ground. They almost look like ants at this altitude. Yeah. Kaboom! along the ground. They almost look like ants at this altitude. Yeah. Well. Kaboom.

Look at the dirt in the middle. Somebody got a nine kill streak. Look at it. Call in the Harrier and the Pave Low. Look at this. Now, this is outside my area of expertise, so I wondered if the people who weren't hit died.

Definitely died. I feel like a shockwave of that kind would just destroy your internal organs, right? According to the... I searched through all Reddits, and unanimously they all agreed that that shockwave is actually the big killer. The shockwave and the shrapnel

kills them even more so than the direct hits. They should have edited that with, Let the bodies hit the floor. I think that was one of the comments. Roar! Which was on every YouTube montage in 2010. Man, that is brutal. But at least they were...

Wait, that's ISIS. ISIS, a bunch of no-goodniks. Don't care for those guys. Was it ISIS, though? That could have been a fucking Boy Scout group, from all I know. We're watching this from 3,000 feet in the fucking air. Yeah, it would be pretty easy for them to lie to us. But name just 10 other times the U.S. government has lied to us about something of great import.

I could be wrong, but what's that little logo on the top right? It says, R-U-S something or other. I took that to be Russian. Rusvezna.su? Yeah. Maybe that's just where it's hosted. I totally take it. Russia also does a lot of ISIS killing, so it could be them. Can you read the small print? I can't magnify this computer as easily what's it say under small print under the in that logo oh it's in russian it's in

russia it's really yeah so i'm going with kyle let me google that russ vasnu su russ vasnu i think that might even be a domain name like the Russian alphabet is so dumb It's all caps Like Make a better alphabet I don't even know enough to dispute that Is that actually true? Yeah look at like signs in Russian Like if it's a Starbucks it's like

Have you ever met Russians? They're very like aggressive like that They are They're squatting in the streets Yelling in caps. All their tweets look angry. That's why they like Adidas. It's all uppercase in the logo.

Yeah, all the Russian Twitter accounts I follow for hockey players, it'll be like, and it's like, translate tweet, and it's like, really happy to be a part of the pro-babies lobby here in Moscow. And it's like, happy to be a part of the pro babies lobby here in moscow and it's like this could be more russian trolls you know because i don't think that's what it says i saw something on the news that uh people in boston or like a couple guys in boston were trying to start a straight pride parade yeah and the important thing about this is if we started a straight pride parade somewhere, how many retarded boomers could we trick into donating?

That's a good point. We could start a couple of bullshit Facebook groups. We'll have boomer cash pouring it, right? This is smart. This could be our Guinness World Book of Records. Most money stolen from boomers under false pretenses. I don't see a flaw in this idea. I don't either.

Yeah, straight pride parade. That's what we're all about. We just need two million dollars to get it rolling. Straight white pride. Only, though. Alright? No! We need any and all kind

of boomers. Please, if you hold a straight pride parade, you think we're going to get a lot of non-white people. This is just going to be the Fox News crowd donating to us. Old white people. You guys are looking at it from the wrong angle. It's all about boomers. There are black and Hispanic boomers too. Gotta keep it just on the straight side. They don't share

your anti-gay agenda. That's racist. You're thinking like a 70-year-old black guy and a 70-year-old white guy aren't pretty similar in being anti-gay? I would say they're definitely the same. If it's a straight pride parade and we do a bunch of bullshit

like, there's a fight against the gay establishment and all this and there's no way to stop the gay establishment without all this, and there's no way to stop the gay establishment without $2 million. That goddamn Don Lemon on there telling me the lies on the TV shit. See?

We can't afford to narrow down our group. It's all boomers. Because this is the exact kind of dumb shit that boomers would donate to, you know? Like getting a straight... It's perfect. It's the build-a a wall thing all over again we take we spend about seven grand pull out an advertisement on hannity put our patreon not our ad on hannity that can't be true it's close to that yeah it's not not too far off

seven grand for an ad on hannity yeah yeah, yeah. You could get them not too expensive. But like a really- The radio show or the TV show? So like, no, the TV show. So like things like cable news, like Hannity, Maddow, fucking, well, CNN is cheap as fuck right now. Yeah, but they're not our target audience.

They didn't even have a single, well, honestly, MSNBC, CNN, and Fox, we could get boomers out of any of those they're not our target audience they didn't even have a single uh well honestly msnbc cnn and fox we could get you know boomers out of any of those because all of those main viewerships are boomers it's just how old the boomers are they like non-boomers aren't watching those things very regularly and in a high percentage but yeah you can get maddow hannity those guys pretty cheap it's like abc nbc uh cbs that would put you out for quite a few bucks because their viewership like oh yeah like tripling up on even the biggest fox show yeah that's interesting because they don't occupy they actually have a smaller mind space in my little

world like if you get your news by watching clips on youtube and stuff like that of the of those big three. ABC and NBC are a little... They don't have the same online presence. You can get an MSNBC spot for about three grand. Well, right now you can get an MSNBC spot really cheap because their ratings have been going down

and so they're trying to quickly mitigate that loss the same way CNN has and the same way Fox does when their ratings go down and up and that thing. Fox is by far the most it'll be fucking fine they have totally stolen cnn's audience it's cnn that is panicking right now like you can have a mainstream 20 years older now they're on fox yeah yeah and now they only have i think the highest rated show on CNN was like Cuomo at 870, 870,000. And that is, that is bad.

I actually like Cuomo. Like, yeah, the ad spots go. I was just saying what their highest was. I'm, you know, the average cost of a 32nd spot during primetime,

uh, 7 PM to 11 PM, um, is about 8,200 for Fox 50, 5,400 for, uh, CNN and 3,200 for MSNBC. That's interesting. That's not the order

I would have predicted. What did you say for CNN? $52. $52, roughly. Oh, well, people are getting hosed if they're paying $52 for a CNN spot right now, and you can get way more on MSNBC. All right, well, we're only going to hold our

bigoted advertising on Fox spot right now and you can get way more on msnbc all right well we're only gonna hold our uh bigoted advertising whoa whoa whoa there's no bigotry we're just trying to stand up for american values we're we're three american boys wearing red hats and and definitely not grifting you boomers out of your money if you think i'm grifting you out of your money, boomers, you're a fool. You need to donate, though, because I got a mortgage. Oh, man, that would have been the smartest thing to do.

I guess it could still be a smart thing to do in 2020 is start sell a bunch of like start up a t-shirt company of pro vs anti-Trump stuff and just sell both of them there's so many good griffs you can get in on right now it just seems like the pro-Trump guys

really want the memorabilia like I don't remember a ton of Hillary hats or even a ton of anti-Trump you know flags they bought those pussy hats somebody made a fuck ton of anti-Trump flags They bought those pussy hats. Somebody made a fuck ton of money on that. Couché. Yeah. To be born once. When's the last time you saw somebody

out and about in a pussy hat? That guy who made those doesn't care. He's rolling in. Yeah, he's not really concerned about your continued I'm just saying. High five to that guy. That's great. Good for him. Why was it a pussy hat? Oh, because grab him by the pussy, I guess. Yeah, I wish there was a photo op

where Trump was like grabbing two of them on ladies' heads. That would have been great. I don't like that a lot. Has anything new happened in politics recently? I haven't paid one ounce of attention because of the NHL playoffs and the Blues actually making it this far.

No, nothing's happened. Joe Biden made that little snafu and then there was the plagiarism in his environmental plan. That's really all that's been in the news. Elizabeth Warren's doing a little bit better than she was. Bernie's doing a little worse than he was.

Bernie's doing worse? That's shocking. I thought he would... So 1-2-3 was kind of firm. Bideniden uh bernie and warren elizabeth warren are the three like top guys and then budaj was kind of in the conversation like he was i think ahead of elizabeth warren for a bit and now he's not he's in fourth or fifth and he's my favorite so i don't like that and um yeah it's currently biden gap warren bernie but if you look at the

the um the people that they have on the ground in like iowa elizabeth warren had like 35 or something like paid employees or something bernie had like 40000 or something like that. It wasn't even close, the number of campaign people that he has on the ground working in Iowa already. It was tens of thousands. Nobody's even close to Bernie when it comes to grassroots outreach. I never understand how important Iowa is. It's first, so it's like super-duper crazy important. And then New Hampshire comes along like three days later and the Iowa story that you've been working on for 18 months is dead.

Like suddenly it stopped mattering. It's weird. It's almost like these news stations have a vested interest in making you think things are a bigger deal than they are because they want ratings and they're capital driven. I don't know if it's that. I don't know if they're trying to convince you Iowa's more important than it is. They're just following

the upcoming one. And then it just gets pushed and pushed and pushed. It seems like you're only as important as your last game, as your last vote. Well, that's how the playoffs work. So that's how this works too. That's why the Blues are going to win. I love your confidence.

It's refreshing. On Rogan, he had that whole group of comedians that did the sober October thing. They were talking about stuff. And Burt Kreischer was... They were talking about times that they really ate shit and bombed doing comedy. And somebody had vouched for Burt,

one of the other guys there. And he's at this place or whatever. He's starting out. Hurricane Katrina just had happened. He opens with he couldn't remember exactly how the joke went, but the premise was I hear there's a lot of rape happening right now down there in Louisiana post-Katrina. Nothing turns me on like a dead body floating on a tv set

and there's just silence he's like i was sweating so much that my hair was stuck to my face it was like i got out of a shower. He was like, and so the next night I thought, thank you, New Orleans. The lady's like, you said he was funny. What the fuck? And so my second set came up and I thought, there's something there. I'm going to try it again.

And he did it again. And ate shit again. And it takes some balls though you know you gotta test the bit out make sure that it's you know don't laugh at my bit once shame on you don't laugh at my bit twice maybe I shouldn't have said I'm not turned on by dead bodies on a

he's like the MC was like I've never seen someone bomb that hard like in front of the audience he's like you did it he's like the mc was like i've never seen someone bomb that hard like in front of the audience he's like so the next night my friend was like hey uh i saw your act it's good it's good but maybe open a little different maybe maybe a different joke he's like so so then i dropped the whole katrina rape murder. I killed, I killed. It was great the second night. Is Bert Kreischer... Wait, is that who you're talking about? Yeah.

He's the one who takes his shirt off, right? Yeah, the machine. Yeah, he's got to lay off that. I don't know. It's cheap, but it's still funny. It's becoming too gimmicky uh i like it you know he was talking about doing morning radio and like how they take their jobs way to morning tv like like good morning sacramento like all these like small market morning shows he's like first

of all it's fucking stupid to even do those shows because their audience and our audience don't fucking overlap anyway but i go on there and i'm hooking the lab mic up to my gold this gold chain i'm wearing and she's like why are you putting it on your necklace and he's like because i'm gonna take my shirt off she's like no you're not like she takes her job so fucking seriously i can't take my shirt off so what'd you do he's like i left i left that is really true like those audiences don't over that would be like if i went on good morning america and they're like so you do a podcast with two of your good buddies and it's like like and you you do a comedy and it's like

yeah yeah well i was actually laughing at a retarded kid the other day and uh and that's how you get with the with the morning shows at least they have a big audience it might not be the right audience but it's pretty big what gets me is when they do terrestrial radio and i'm just like dude why can't pka land like conor mcgregor if that guy's gonna show up and do wkrp in cincinnati and like bullshit like that. Like they have 80 listeners. We have a bigger audience. Yeah. Let's get them on because our show will not at all jeopardize their image.

Probably not. Or their sponsored deals. I do not want to watch that, Kyle. That's just me. It's not. No, fuck that. But he's not actually retarded. Wait, I don't know if I believe you.

He's just an actor. I mean, if you want to watch it, you want to watch it, but if anyone wants a funny video, it's called Retarded Policeman No. 8 Taser. They made at least seven more. This is the best of them. Yeah, I don't understand the small... Do you have a permit for those gummy bears? Oh!

Taylor asked about a politics thing. Politics, I don't understand the small... Do you have a permit for those gummy bears? Oh! Taylor asked about a politics thing. Politics, I know. But this, I think, is somewhat interesting. Steven Crowder, YouTube sensation, change my mind dude, has been demonetized. If he's responsible for that funny meme,

and all the photoshops of it, that's a tally in his column it is uh that's his most popular thing he'll go to like a college campus and say i believe in the second amendment changed my mind or something like that and uh you know he's kind of dunking on a fisher proof he does the price hoop the ben shapiro watch me own this 16-year-old. Exactly. But also, he does his thing. Anyway, there's a reporter on Vox, which is a left-leaning media outlet. Oh, yeah, they're super left. They are super left.

And I don't think they pretend to be anything but that. But anyway, Steven Crowder has been taking shots at him all the time. But he's taking shots at him, calling him like a gay Latina, a gay, this, a gay, that, um,

trying to get some actual quotes, lispy, queer, gay, Latino, um, and more. And anyway,

this guy had like a whole bunch of like death threats or even just really mean things said to him on Twitter. And he felt like Crowder was the guy instigating it. You know, they're quoting him calling him you know a lispy queer and stuff like that anyway YouTube decided that while his stuff was kind of hurtful and mean that they weren't going to do anything the Vox dude put together a compilation of insults that Stephen Crowder said and tweeted it.

And it's all pretty rough stuff, but mostly variations of him being a gay minority. And now they demonetized his channel. They didn't take down any videos. They didn't like... Demonetizing is like a backdoor way of censorship. Trying to shut people down without shutting them down. You know, we're not going to stop you from saying it. We're just going to take away all your motivation for saying it. I don't know how long

he's demonetized or if that's even public or not. But I thought it was... No, it looks like right here. Do you see anything about timelines? Oh, no, not timelines. They suspended his monetization. I would assume permanently unless they said otherwise. I just know a couple

other people, like Jake Paul, when he showed that dead guy, it was a week or two, or maybe a month. And another guy... Was it Jake? Oh. Or Logan Paul? It might be Logan Paul. Yeah, please don't... I was okay with that. Of course. Yeah, don't run the good name of

Jake Paul down. And I think PewDiePie may have been demonetized for some short period of time as well. So sometimes it is just a week or so. This guy, I don't know. But they're kind of like, it doesn't violate any of our policies, but they demonetized him.

And I thought you might have an opinion on it, especially Taylor. Is it okay to attack a guy's ethnicity and sexual preference repeatedly as a way of discrediting him leading to no that i mean like that's mean obviously but there's lots of mean shit on youtube people who don't get demonetized and so like i i would lean towards probably and it wasn't just uh crowder i saw other things today where it's like uh other people were getting demonetized and i don't know exactly who i couldn't give you a list

i just saw some people come up so i think i don't want to watch this guy i think he's probably uh because he has millions of subs he's probably a neocon retard who's like, yeah, I'm a real conservative. Also, war is dope. Like probably that kind of guy. And so, yeah, I don't care. But I don't think it's cool to set a precedent like that where it's like, oh, this one guy, this one public figure who has said also incendiary things puts you on blast. And now your monetization is gone, even though YouTube admits it didn't violate the TOS. Yeah, it's tricky.

It's definitely multifaceted. It's not a cut and dry thing. For people who don't know, in the old days, there was publishers like the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, etc. And then guys who were just sort of the conduit, like AT&T, the phone company, right? So if I plan something terrible or say something terrible, we all know and agree that AT&T is not responsible for that.

They were just the wire. Definitely. On the other hand, the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, whatever, they were responsible for it. They wrote that. They published it. They were in charge from beginning to end. Now there is this in-between.

Things like Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter and more. Facebook is the one I was looking for. Where they don't really generate the content, yet they do try to be more than just the phone company and take away the worst parts of the content. And if they're curating content that like becomes a free speech thing, right? You would think like there's a difference between being a publisher and a

curator. It, it's a new area. And I feel like we haven't really arrived at a single perfect answer yet. You know, back when it was extremes, we knew New York times responsible, AT&T,

not simple as that. Now there's this middle where YouTube tries to keep away the KKK and the Black Lives Matter I don't I'm looking for the opposite of KKK then uh you know they're trying to keep that extreme off it while still saying look we didn't make this content but we censor some of it but we try to be hands-off and Now they're in this tricky spot. I think it's interesting because Crowder, at least in my mind space, he's there with Shapiro. Who's the guy

we had as a guest? He was really good. Jordan Peterson? They're all on the same level of celebrity and fame to me. Him and Sam Harris, too. Now he's demonetized for a while. I don't know. It's in my little yeah i don't like seeing channels demonetized for what seems more subjective

but like i i really don't know okay i don't know i don't know what he actually said i'm sure he was a cunt to that guy and i'm sure that guy was a cunt back to be fair i like no maybe he was a cunt to that guy. And I'm sure that guy was a cunt back, to be fair. No. Maybe he was and maybe he wasn't. I have no fucking clue. So Crowder speaks his mind and does a show where he shares his opinion. The Vox dude reads scripted stuff off cue cards, usually about a particular topic. So he's not riffing on right-wing guys or anything. He's laying out events and stuff

from a liberal point of view but he's not gonna like talk shit about other people it's all scripted and defined yeah maybe yeah the different kinds of content seems like you you've looked into this much more than me uh still like i even if you're being a cunt on YouTube, I don't like the precedent of just, oh, you didn't violate the TOS, but you're demonetized because we don't like that. It's not like he threw a dog. Or kicked a dog or something, yeah.

Or pooped a snoot. Oh, you pooped a snoot. Your CPM goes skyrocketing. You don't want to give these tech monopolies that much power would be my biggest problem with it. Because pretending that YouTube is the monopoly is naive in the highest order. They absolutely are.

YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, they do have monopolies. I saw a funny tweet that was like, in 2001, the internet was 15,000 websites. In 2019, the internet is four websites, and three of them are full of screenshots of the others. Like, they really have centralized that in such a way that you have to be careful about the kind of power that you give to these. A real pioneer. They have content that's solely found on efucked.com you don't find screenshots of a

man motherless efucked that is the libertarian they cracked down on motherless motherless is no longer the uh what what did what did motherless had like what's the edge that motherless lost it looks like efuck to me when i go on their page like just fucked up videos there were there was a lot of content on motherless that just isn't there anymore uh involving animals mostly i don't i don't i'm not gonna watch any all sorts of about that guy uh what is this you linked about dark phoenix featuring sansa stark i called it i called it like two months ago like they've been doing reshoots for this Dark Phoenix movie for like a fucking year and a half or something like that.

Fucking Sophie Turner playing Phoenix in an X-Men movie. I said this is going to fail. This is going to be the end for these fucking Fox X-Men movies. They're going to have to do a full reboot. It's going to be so bad. And sure enough, it's 22% on Rotten Tomatoes. Everybody fucking hates it.

It's garbage. I'm so happy enough it's 22 on rotten tomatoes everybody fucking hates it it's garbage it's i'm so happy that it's bad i'm so tired of the x-men movies with with mcavoy and and and really i thought you liked those no i i read a couple reviews have you read any reviews are you looking at the number i've read i've been reading reviews for a while 22 percent from what I'm seeing it is a disappointing run-of-the-mill just another x-men movie and that's what it is people were and also I think that I don't know if they announced that it was going to be reboot time after this or if everyone just kind of knew it but yeah it's they wanted it to be like Avengers Endgame is that what the last one was called?

Yeah, Endgame. Where they really left on what everyone felt like was a high. A lot of people love that movie. I love that movie. They wanted X-Men to have this sort of ending that everyone loves and agrees with. And they didn't hit it. They missed the mark. I didn't think it was going to be the end or anything.

I'm sure if this did well, they'd just keep making them. I'm just going with what I read I'm not really into this Everybody seems to be really shit I don't trust Rotten Tomatoes because their parent organization is Fandango and Fandango's parent organization is Comcast They clearly have a little bit of bias

I think Taylor's a little bit R. Eddie Bravo I think Taylor looks a little bit R. Eddie Bravo. I think Taylor looks at everything. He sees a conspiracy behind it. Well, you don't understand, Woody. Businesses protecting their own interests? Yeah, totally conspiratorial. You don't understand. The globalists, it's in their best

interest to push down content like Dark Phoenix. Woman power content. Now, if they can get inside your mind, they can control your pocketbook, Woody. 22%, I don't believe it. I just think it's funny that you're both like, whoa, Mr. Conspiracy here,

that a company with a parent company with a vested interest in certain movies getting high ratings gives those movies high ratings. I don't know about this. It's obviously that kind of shit happens it's just that it goes hand in hand with like a year and a half of reshoots and people continuously talking about how bad this movie was going to be for over a year and a pretty not necessarily about this movie i'm saying they'll also pump up movies that like you'll see like a critic score 95 audience score 32 and well this is the

critic score we're referring to in this instance so i wasn't talking about this movie in particular i was meaning that like i don't take those ratings as a whole i look at the the viewer ratings the audience score because i think the audience score is pretty valid like usually if i see a really low critic score and a really high audience score, I'll like that movie more. Whereas if I see a really high critic and a really low audience, sometimes it's not very good. And we recently talked about how they're changing the rules so that you have to show proof that you actually watched the film to even submit a review. I think that adds a lot of credence and a lot of believability to the movie. I think it's a good move, yeah.

That's totally fair. Because there were mobs who hadn't watched movies down voting it and sometimes two movies would be good but they had different like motivations in their fan bases so it's like i want dark knight to beat out this other turn yeah star wars is going up against star trek or something like that those fucking nerds are throwing fucking cum balls at each other all night long. That is exactly what they do. Mine doesn't really ball up, but go on.

You just keep rolling. After a while, you get a nice... Well, yeah, sure. I do that before I cook it, obviously. You gotta. I like to deep fry it. It's nice and crispy on the outside, gooey on the inside. I can't play cum chicken with Kyle. I'm not going to win.

You ever had fried goat cheese? Yes can't play come chicken with Kyle. I'm not going to win. You ever had fried goat cheese? Yes, recently. It's incredibly good. Last weekend. It's incredibly good, especially if you've got a nice little tangy sauce. You bite it, you got the tang of the goat cheese,

you got the crunch and the savory nature of that outside breading. I love fried goat cheese balls. Eddie Bravo was on. I've never tried one. That sounds good. Amazing, amazing. I was on a burger.

Ooh. Ooh, that's even better. Yeah. What's really good on a burger oh that's even better yeah what's really good on a burger is a green fried tomato like you you got a slice of green tomato about three quarters of an inch maybe even a whole inch thick fucking batter that bitch up quick fry throw that on the burger a little bit of aioli see i like just a regular nice crisp tomato ah you. Nice little tomato slice on there because I like the coolness that it adds to the burger too.

The crisp, it's great. I don't like regular tomatoes. I do love tomatoes. But if it's on a burger, if they give you a half inch tomato thinking it's some big favor and then every bite I'm dripping it trying not to look like I have no table manners, you haven't done me any favors.

I like tomato. I'll often order extra tomato slices and just hit them with some salt and pepper. That's a nice snack. Eddie Bravo was on the Joe Rogan Experience about a day, day and a half ago and he was at his worst. He was talking flat earth, space isn't real, Elon Musk isn't launching shit

into the air. Space isn't real. I saw some highlights. He didn't say that. Joe was literally like so you look up at the night sky, right? You look up at space. He's like, yeah, yeah. How much of that do you not believe in at this point? How much of it is fake?

I'm going to tell you, Joe, when you look into it and you talk to the people that i've spoken to Most of it's not real joe. Most of it's not Werner von braun a nazi was overseeing nasa and the moon landings, right? Right and just like Yeah Yeah, the best rocket scientist in the world. Keep going. Keep going. Do you realize these Navy vessels can see another Navy vessel from 130 miles away and they can fucking shoot them with a laser and then fire a cannon at them?

They got pictures of the other Navy vessels 130 miles away. Now, every 100 miles there should be. You fucking retard. Yes, there's no line of sight. At 24 miles of fucking distance on the ocean the curvature of the earth prevents you from seeing something depending on how tall it is obviously if it's if it's a skyscraper it's gonna stick up but he's so retarded he's so frustrated i had to turn it off they showed i'm not an expert but i know that he's

wrong i'm guessing there were windmills or something way out in the ocean because there were power lines going out into the ocean to what I guess were windmills or island. And you could see like the big metal structure that held the power lines sink into the ocean, right? You could see them curve and go down and the curvature of the earth became sort of easily visible to the naked eye because there were these towers sticking out of it at a regular sequence. And he's like, that's not real. Streetlights do the same thing. Yeah, he's like, when you're drawing

streetlights, you draw them shorter as they go to show distance. That is stone cold, gold plated retarded. And Joe's over there like smoking DMT and putting THC on the back of his skull but he's still like i'm gonna i'm gonna have to change the topic let's talk jits let's talk to jitsu uh how's tony doing dude if you come up with a topic that's so ridiculous that joe rogan is

like come on that is that is truly mr open joe's like these people are lying to you there's he's clearly trying they're trying to bail his friend out from what he sees as an informational cult of of insanity he's they're lying to you they're lying to you you can't no don't the only true conspiracy theory out there is the one that i laid out in great detail about a month and a half ago about long john silvers being a drug smuggling operation. That's true. That's true. Get Eddie Bravo on the truth train. He'll figure that out.

Yeah. If I had words, I would say it makes it more entertaining to me that Joe Rogan can't have this conversation with Eddie Bravo. To watch Joe Rogan at his wits end just be like, oh my god.

Trying to bring him back into the realm of the sane people is the best part of the show. Watching Eddie Bravo be crazy is not that great. Watching Eddie Bravo drive Joe Rogan crazy, that's great. Watching Alex Jones be crazy on there is so fucking funny. don't i'm the only

guy who doesn't like that i oh it's hilarious i'm gonna take it as an entertainment show they're turning the frogs gay that's what you don't understand they interrupt each other so much i can't hear their points and i know i've taken heat for that myself and like i said i've improved from a 10 to a 7 but i i no one has a conversation no one follows anything there's no it's just chaos yelling what was the thing that he was yelling at bravo for alex jones bravo was trolling him bravo was saying that like he was just trolling him basically and and alex is getting more and more heat he's like no no it's not true it's true yeah that's when Bravo I think he was like Alex

they're not trying to kill babies that are just born he's like I'll send you the link Bravo they're doing it they're promoting it the Senate just voted on it Alex Alex I'm trolling you settle down he's like

Bravo don't you fuck with me. He wanted to fight him. I will fight you right now. I will fight you, buddy, Bravo. I'm joking. I'm joking. I know that they voted on that. Don't fuck with me, Bravo. Multiple times in that show, Joe Rogan had to be like, guys, don't

actually fight. Stop touching him. You're saying that wasn't hilarious? That was so funny. Okay, I like that part of it. But by and large, I felt like I got more frustration from it than joy. Let me tell everyone about smart mouth. Oh, go ahead.

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Once again, smartmouth.com slash pka for your coupon. It really is at the top of their game, coupon. Coupon. Is it spelled wrong in the read? No, some people pronounce it coupon. I've never heard coupon, and I've been around forever. Some people say coupon. You don't mean just you.

Not just me. Coupon. I looked up how did I used to say it? Nuclear. And it is a semi-accepted pronunciation. No, it's not.

I looked up in the Merriam-Webster's dictionary and it's like educated people are saying this including three U.S. presidents. One of which is George W. Bush. That's true. He was one of them. And the others are like when the technology is brand new.

Eisenhower's like, we've got something called nuclear. What's Trump saying? I'm not 100% sure. It didn't name them all, but I do know that one was W. The way to remember it and get it every time is think of the word new and the word clear. That's how I do it now but the the only problem is it takes a pause the same with calculator i i like whenever that word um like is coming up in the sentence it breaks my flow because i don't want to foul it up

but i do get it right mostly now calculator dude i'm i'm listening to an audiobook and for some reason the word calculate is in it all the time so i always say it out loud verbally when the word comes up for practice it's a nuclear calculator turo turo is a peer-to-peer car sharing marketplace where you can book any car you want wherever you want it from a community of local hosts turo is available in over 5500 cities across the united states canada, the UK, as well as Germany with over 9 million users worldwide. You can choose the car that's best for you, often at a lower cost than traditional car

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they'll be like $39 a night. I rent it for two nights, and somehow it's $150. It's like, what the flip? Where did all those, I don't understand. Everything was outrageous, but when I rented through Toro,

one, the price was what they said the price was. And two, the PKA coupon just worked like you'd expect a coupon to work. Or coupon, some might say. Coupon. Yeah. So it was a good experience. I'll tell you how the car goes and stuff. They deliver it free to the airport I'm arriving in.

Nice. Yeah. It should be cool. You're going to be very pleased with it. And it's a coupon, not a coupon. Yeah, I don't know. No, we just looked it up. Proper pronunciation is coupon.

That can't possibly be true. Taylor just believes in big coupons. Just like tampon. It's pronounced coupon, Bravo! It's not a coupon! Everybody thinks it's tampon. It's pronounced coupon, Bravo! It's not a coupon! Everybody thinks it's tampon. Is it called extreme couponing? No, it's called extreme couponing. Go to TLC, you can find it.

You never heard of a Klingon. It's Klingon. Coupon. You can convince me of that because I don't know what the fuck that is. That's a Star Trek creature, so I don't know. Coupon. I just played for the audience the American and British pronunciation of coupon.

They're both coupon. You're going to believe Big Webster. Webster's parent company is Cox Media Group. Do you know who they're owned by? The Bilderbergs. You know what they're doing? They're trying to change the English language to infiltrate every facet of our society.

Controlled, of course, by the reptilian overlords. Nothing he said is false so far. And it all goes back to the Klingons. I've never seen this. The Klingons. This is Google. Have you seen this feature before?

The trolls are part of it. They are the under... Yeah, yeah. I've used the pronunciation feature before. I hadn't seen it as part of the results before. Like, I don't know. The only word that I couldn't pronounce and I didn't know how was tzatziki. You know, that creamy sauce that you get with...

Yeah, the Greek stuff. Like a gyro, the Greek sauce. It's spelled like T-Z-A-S-I-k-i-k-i it was absurd and i was like i want to order this shit correctly so i i was like how do i pronounce sasaki hockey sauce and google's like sasiki and i'm like sasiki sasiki sasiki oh that's you used to mention it every week that flavoring I don't know what it is Sasiki It's pretty good on your gyros

Or heroes What are you supposed to call them? Gyros I don't know I'm an uncultured retard So I call them gyros Y-E-E-R-O-S Gyros I'm not Greek so it's okay

I got it here i linked something there that's a little interesting we could do yours then yeah oh yeah the crisper one but we can also do uh so a dutch teen who was molested as a kid, killed herself with doctor-induced euthanasia in, well, in the Netherlands. So how do we feel about this? 17 years old, opted to have herself killed. Do you think that's cool? Because she's a rape victim.

Yeah, because she dealt with molestation, and she was saying, like, I'm so depressed. And I can't get over it. And it's like... We all have a right to die. It's very sad, dude. You don't get to decide if I get to live. Fuck you.

Like, you don't get... If you're 17 years old, do you think you have the foresight to really understand the ramifications of that? By that rationale, would you disallow a 17-year-old to have an abortion? I mean, that's totally different than killing yourself is it yeah it's a choice to end a life yeah fuck dude i was i was really on the edge of my seat for this um shocks shocks because i i think you should be able to abort yourself at any age all right dude like at 17 three years old four years old five years old tough day in the sandbox let's let's get this over with kyle makes a powerful argument give me give me the death lolly give me the death lolly yeah yeah okay if it's if it's in the funny circumstances

kyle is outlining i'm in favor of it but the death lolly i i traded away my best pokemon card it's like well here you go death lolly your cyanide strawberry uh More realistically, so I hear Kyle's argument, but I wouldn't be... I think I'm more on the side of this kind of decision needs to be made at 18 or 21 or one of those traditional decision-making gateways

that we put in front of people. I guess it's suicide by cop for me then. Good grief. Well, she clearly wasn't going to do that. Well, she was if they didn't allow her to kill herself. How are you going to do suicide by cop in the Netherlands? Hope that they yell and scold you enough. They don't have fucking guns, dude.

I think they do. I'm sure some of them do. You just have to instigate enough. If you don't stop causing a ruckus, I'm going to be forced to ask you once again. Well, they don't kill you for causing a ruckus i'm going to be forced to ask you well they don't kill you for causing a ruckus that's just america in the netherlands you need to pull a gut on them or something and then they'd be like well let's let's keep it cool here that's a nice because it's a nice piece don't you have fire warning shot see like there is just something viscerally not good about a 17-year-old killing herself.

Whether or not the state allows it, there are so many years left in life. It may have felt hopeless at that time. Well, the state was the one who allowed it and euthanized her, so it was a bit of the state's business. The state did it? Well, it's because they're the ones who made it legal to do that. Yeah, they basically said it's because of like they're the ones who made it like legal to do that yeah they basically said it's none of our business from the state that's like that's like the state allowing you to own property or allowing you to breathe the air they just decided this is none of our business we're gonna butt out but doesn't some bit of it morally strike you the wrong way no

where you're like this this person should have been given way more avenues of help. Maybe she was. I don't know. But that... I don't know. It's just... It's kind of fucky. She didn't have a bad weekend. She was molested as a child. And I can't imagine the emotional toll that that takes on a person.

We have most of these facts wrong. Does that matter? No, not a bit. No. No. We'll argue about this false situation. I prefer the false narrative. Wait, did she have... It's much easier to defend. Did she have a terminal disease or anything? No, we'll argue about this false situation. I prefer the false narrative.

Wait, did she have a terminal... It's much easier to defend. Did she have a terminal disease or anything? No, she was a rape victim. It doesn't appear that it was a long-term molestation situation. She wasn't put to death. She didn't die of euthanasia. She stopped eating and drinking and sort of killed herself in that regard.

Oh, well then why is this even a story then? She didn't even get euthanized? She just killed herself? I read it. The 17-year-old Dutch rape victim who suffered from PTSD and anorexia did not legally die of euthanasia

in a Netherlands end-of-life clinic as widely reported by media outlets. To put an end to this incorrect reporting about her death, we'll refer to the statement made by friends of her this afternoon. She did not die of euthanasia to stop her suffering. That's the PTSD suffering. She had stopped eating and drinking. Okay.

It's still an interesting topic. It is, but that changes it quite a bit. Man, the media got that one really wrong. Shocker. Yeah. Usually the media is super solid on things. Not at all retarded. Man, but either way, that's sad as fuck.

I feel like our podcast is in no position to throw stones at inaccuracy. I disagree. Yeah, but nobody's like, man, I want to get the recap of the week. Let me turn PKA on. I think we try our very best to get facts accurate and correct. We just did it. We just did it. And I think that 95% of the time we are 100% on point unless we're intentionally being silly.

Absolutely, I do. We have these media sources that we're the same silly. Absolutely, I do. We have these media sources that we're the same sources that everybody else has. We can only read what we see here. It's her body, her choice. That's how I feel about it. I just feel like I don't want kids.

She's 17. That's the part I can't get on board with. It's not a kid. It's a tragedy if she's 18 or 21. It's extra awful if she's 17. Yeah, I mean, even 17, 18, 19, any of those ages would be just as tragic. It's still a young person that...

If you told me 25, I'd get on board with that. Like, hey, you know what? Turns out 25 is when the cerebellum perhaps completely develops, the frontal lobe. So that's the date. Frontal cortex, yeah. A thing, you know, the brain. 25 is when your brain finishes.

So that's the date we're setting for making a permanent decision like this. Unless you're terminally ill. Or you're very ugly. That would be a hilarious one of those. Where it's like I just want to kill myself.

It's like, are you depressed? Are you sad? What's wrong? I'm just tremendously ugly. Oh, that's box number five. Check box number five. Carlo! Yeah, we got a butter face. Yeah, she wants to check out. Just follow Carlo to the back. Now, what we're going to do is we're going to Snapchat filter a photo

of you for after it's over so people don't think you were as ugly as you were. And then we're just going to take you in there and do whatever the Dutch do to kill you. Probably give you an injection. We have a machine we call the Mangler. The Mangler. I like to think there's a Congo

line of ugly people headed into the Mangler like a car wash. Absolutely. It's like a combine that thrashes people about. It's enormous. If we made it easy to check out, everybody would do it. It's the Netherlands. All right, so let's line up. Just line up.

Do you get to pick your own method of death, or do you think they have a standardized one? They have a standardized one. It's lethal injection. But what if I wanted to die by firing squad? Because I bet that would be way less painful. Yeah, I've heard lethal injections. Why is lethal injection painful?

It shouldn't be. From the movies I've heard lethal injections. Why is lethal injection painful? It shouldn't be. From the movies I've seen, it often goes wrong when a bad murderer puts the wrong chemicals in there. I saw that in Law Abiding Citizen, which is a great movie, by the way. The issue with the electric chair is that half the time you just give them superpowers,

based on the movies that I've seen. Now I'm the shocker! Fuck! You in the pink, one in the stink! now i'm the shocker i never run out of batteries yeah i do but if you're gonna get killed name a better one than firing squad hanging hanging are you serious yeah i don't think you know what hanging you're wrong about how hanging works though that's you're thinking of strangling um there's a whole mathematical equation that that that you use to hang someone properly and it you determine there is you determine you factor in the i just don't know that they used it in the old west or certainly they did they actually did guys

well the lynching guys were criminals just hanging people on the streets often african americans the the term lynch came from a guy whose last name was Lynch. They'd bring him into plantations where they had trouble with keeping their slaves in line and he would lynch one of them. They'd take one of these black people out and they'd torture him publicly, castrate him,

beat him to death, hang him. That was based on one guy named Lynch? One guy named Mr. Lynch. The castrating feels over the top. That's what they said. And so what they would do to hang people properly, though, in the Wild West, and this is why you had to have a hangman, you might think, well, shit, anybody could do that job. No, there's a little bit of math, and in the Wild West,

literacy itself was asking a lot. So you factor in the weight of the individual and the length of the rope, and there's a very specific equation because what you don't want to do is have the person fall and not have their neck break. And then they just, they strangle. It takes a long time to strangle the death because it doesn't necessarily cut off the blood. It's not like a rear naked choke. It's strangling their airway, their trachea, often crushing it. It could take a couple of minutes to die in front of everybody. Then the, on the other end of the spectrum, you could fall if the person had gained a lot of weight in jail, which was the case in one instance that was written about a lot.

They had done the math based on the weight that was written down when he checked into the jailhouse. But living on jailhouse food and sleeping on one little- Sedentary lifestyle. Sedentary lifestyle that you live in a Wild West jail, he'd gained about 50. And so when they dropped him, his head popped off. and you don't want the kids to be seeing that but they came here to see a good old-fashioned execution not a decapitation as the criminal popping a head off not the worst thing well you want the neck to break because then you're just instantly dead i'm sure it broke oh it broke do you really die instantly yes if they break break the neck Are all those spasms just like

Remnant electrical charges? I think popping the head off is the guaranteed way It's all the nervous system just firing And doing crazy stuff Your body's I'm still taking firing squad, dude I would much prefer one bullet through the brain Oh, they don't shoot you there

They shoot you in the heart Oh Alright, well my mind's been changed You know what's a bad way to die? Oh, they don't shoot you there. They don't shoot you there. They shoot you in the heart. Oh. Yeah. All right. Well, my mind's been changed. You know what's a bad way to die? Woody with a machete.

It takes a couple of blows. I would never want to go out Henrietta style. But what if the firing squad, you let them walk in way further, and it's just like barrel to the dome. But they're not going to aim at your head no matter how close they get. There's literally a bullseye over your heart. And I believe there's seven shooters, but only six have bullets. Did you know that part?

I always thought it was only one had a bullet, not six. That's false. That would be very difficult to yeah you put a lot of pressure on it guy no it missed they're just this sucks well he survived so he you're free to go one has a blank gives all of them like plausible deniability they don't know if they've even killed a guy they know but they don't but nobody else knows you can tell from the kick right you can tell from the kick okay yeah because there's wait is it's not the same amount of powder in the blank doesn't matter about the powder it's the uh it's the the projectile coming out yeah yeah it's the projectile the blanks they just crimp the end of the brass

down kind of like what i'm doing my fingers that's the best way to describe it so when it fires the crimp just goes and releases fire out and a blank has no recoil that's it's it's loud but like no noticeable recoil the recoil is really from the bullet leaving the barrel have you now that i know that six out of the seven are shooting it still seems like the best option like six bullets to the heart right here like even in this general region not even straight to the heart you're dead instantly have you had surgery like only on my nose yeah same that might be enough so i've had a bunch of surveys i remember my most recent one not that long ago so um they put you out all the way there's no bad memory there's no nothing i don't know why lethal injection would be painful at all i agree i. I've always wanted the same thing. Like, I feel like the execution method should be laughing gas until you're unconscious,

and then let somebody hit you in the head with a hammer a few times, right? Like, what the fuck difference does it make? Everyone knows I'm a big fan of that Michael... I never pronounce it. Profanol? Propofol? The Michael Jackson drug? Yeah, yeah.

I think it may be Propofol. Anyway, they usually start off with that. And once that kicks in, all the other things they do are agreeable. Take a wild guess. When do you think the last execution by firing squad was in the United States? 2002. Well, that's wildly lately. So, strike one.

I'm going to go... I wanted to do that thing where someone asked you imagine how big the biggest star is. I'm like, I don't know. Two billion miles across? They're like, well... It's really big, but... Damn it.

Literally what you just did. It's so shitty. I'm going to say 1944, like World War II time. I want to... My guess is, and it's kind of an educated guess because I've read the story a bunch of times, but I think it was like 72. So let me look it up.

72, somewhere in there. I think Taylor was actually closer, maybe. Last execution by firing squad. Math is hard. It was 61. It was Ronnie Lee Gardner. He was an American criminal who received the death penalty for shooting a man in the face and killing him during

a robbery in 1985. He was executed by Firing Squad June 18, 2010. What the fuck? 2010? He was born in 61. Oh shit. They shot this dude nine years ago. Taylor won! Taylor won!

Taylor won! Dude, by Price is Right rules, I win that one. Any rules. I don't know any rules that were 1944 B-2. I God. Okay. 2010.

What was I doing in 2010? About the same shit. It was dig instead of reddit. They were using modern guns. I mean, everybody's got their AR 15 or something. That's, that's pretty fucked.

Yeah. It looks like the, all the ones now are lethal injection, electric chair, gas chamber, hanging, firing squad, uh,

and mangler Tennessee execution. I don't know. Well, you know, it's Mangler. Tennessee Execution. I don't know. Well, you don't want... Oh, no, that's just another electric chair. Yeah. Firing Squad is an alternative method of execution in three states, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Utah, and it most recently happened in Utah nine years ago.

And then you've got... A Tennessee Execution requires a four-by-four. What happens in a gas chamber? Do you just fall asleep? No. a gas chamber do you just fall asleep no no you don't just fall asleep you're sitting in a you're attached to a chair that looks like an electric chair and underneath it there's this like bucket of one chemical and then there's this mechanism that like upturns another little ladle like device and it drops in some like like sodium cyanide tablet and it makes like cyanide gas that you slowly watch like come up over your body like a fucking haunted house death machine can't see that

they do that can they just have like a running car with a hose on the outside you know what's stupid that in me because not knowing how gas chambers worked but kind of knowing that in World War II they did it to Jewish people with fake showers I assume that other gas chambers were similar like yeah they probably stood around with like a tile room and I'm guessing it didn't come from shower heads

but you know like something like a shower head dude that's gotta be terrifying to sit in a chair strapped up and you see the way you said it kyle the rising gas coming up like that that sounds awful what if it's not awful what if like it starts off with um i don't know like a little put you to sleep in good mood effect and works its way to death it doesn't wouldn't be as bad but like isn't there's a reason that people kill themselves by starting their car in the

garage like the monoxide poisoning apparently just knocks you out and then you're dead right yeah why wouldn't they just do that that seems easy because it would take a very long time people would be waking up and shit like oh does it take a long time to die that way? Yeah. They go unconscious in maybe 10 minutes, but then if you get to them within 30 minutes, an hour, they want to get this thing done. So it's like a time thing. We all got places to be, Taylor.

Hey, the family's here and they're wanting to hit Hooters before they have to head back to Sacramento, so let's get to it, boys. Man, the death penalty is so fucked. I am so against the death penalty. Are you? Yeah, me too.

Yeah. I don't trust the state to not make mistakes when it matters. We already know that people have died innocently. The only reason that it's more expensive to keep them on death row is because of all the intense litigation. That's it. That's the reason and of all the intense litigation. That's it. That's the reason and the cost the state has to pay for it. Yeah. I'm for it in this fake world that we don't live in.

Like, all right. Yeah. Okay. First of all, I want you to be double dog sure. Right? Yeah. Can we codify that into law? Double dog sure.

And second, it's got to be quick and inexpensive because that's part of the motivation. So double dog sure and don't waste a lot of money. This is actually a great plan. Yeah. Does that have any sympathy for these people? No, of course not. I think we all agree that there are people that need to die.

Yeah. We agree on that. What we can't agree on is the method and the system in which we ensure that only the people that need to die get died. And that nobody who doesn't need to die or is even worse, innocent, ends up getting died. That's the worst case scenario. We've all seen Green Mile. Yeah. That's very true and it happens very similarly to green mile yeah yeah this is that mouse i'm a magic man and that's how most death rows are there's a large muscular black guy who's a magic man there's a very mean guy named per. And then there's an insane former circus actor who raises rats.

Or mice. Sorry. He's a circus mouse. He's a circus mouse. Dude, that is so fucking sad. It is so sad when that guy, he's got that Creole kind of talk, and he's a circus mouse. And you hold him up a little bit, and then he runs out

there, and he's watching, he's a little circus mouse, and then Percy comes along and just whap! Stomps on it, and then you need John Coffey over there going, it's okay, boss. It's gonna be alright. Mouse is alive. That's when they should have known

this is a magic man. We shouldn't kill him. He clearly didn't molest those two little girls that he was accused of. Or, or, what if Tom Hanks had gone, holy shit, the key to magic powers

is molesting little girls to death. Boys! Dude, that movie could have taken such a dark turn wasn't boys lock everything up we got some work to do tonight did one of them have a urinary tract infection or something did tom hanks did and john coffey solved it did he solve it by cupping his balls and blowing on it like he did the mouse it's been a while not blow on the balls but he grabbed him very firmly. A closed eye, like almost magic prayer. And then the next day, Tom Hanks was like, man. No, he grabbed the balls. Yeah, that's what I said.

He cupped his balls, but he didn't blow on it or anything. He was up there saying a prayer as he was holding it. And then Tom Hanks the next morning was like, man, pissing feels great. Why couldn't he have had nasal congestion or difficulty breathing with a little heart touch or something? Because that's how Stephen King wrote the book. That's such a sad book. Honestly, the show is even sadder than the book. I don't know, I like a little ball cupping.

I do too. I feel like he's, that's one character. I like his warm squeeze, he's an enormous black man. I get sadder about John Coffey dying in that movie than I think I get sadder about, it may be the tippity top for me of characters dying. The mouse? I'm sadder for the mouse than the black man. No, I'm sadder for John

Coffey. He was such a good man. Nah, nobody was there to mourn John Coffey. Like when that Creole son of a bitch saw his mouse get stomped out, that was the end of his fucking world. Yeah, that was sad as fuck. That's such a good movie though. i there were movies that i only watched like i'm not gonna watch again essentially i'll never watch green mile

again ever the rest of my life it's just sad never gonna see it again what's the saddest movie you guys have ever seen like the it might be the fucking green mile motherfucker it's so fucking sad you know i ask because mine is the green mile one impactful movie for me was that will smith movie with the jellyfish. Seven Pounds maybe? Something like that? I don't think I've seen that one. What's it about? I don't want to spoil too much, but Will Smith has

a tremendous amount of guilt and he's dealing with it by doing good things for people. And it ends sad. It ends very sad. Well, actually it's a bright spot. like like a sacrifice is made and a lot of people prosper what's it called again seven pounds seven pounds okay it's really good yeah i've never i uh i'm i'm trying to think of any movie that's sad or edward scissorhands is

very sad to me um fuck um the Mist ends on a very depressing note. The movie fucking sucked, though. Okay, asshole. The Mist? Am I getting confused? Let me look in. Oh, no, I'm thinking of The Fog. Yeah, The Fog was terrible.

I don't know what The Mist is. The Mist is another Stephen King movie. All right? There's a gentleman and his son. They go to a supermarket. They're there with a bunch of other characters. And unbeknownst to them,

the military nearby has been constructing an interdimensional portal. And there's a huge accident at the facility. And creatures from another dimension start fucking coming into our realm. All right? We're talking the most diabolical, demonic creatures you can even imagine.

It's like Guillermo del Toro was getting fucked on an acid trip, and he dreamt up some horrors from the depths of hell itself. Cthulhu-type demonry comes through. Spiders that weave webs that cuts flesh like acid. Tentacle monsters that are so enormous, they just grab a man with a tentacle and drag him off into the fog. And that's the other thing. There's a fog that encompasses everything. You can only see maybe two feet into the fog and out there in the fog are the monsters. And inside, the people start getting paranoid. They start resorting back to this delusional religious nonsense, right?

Like one lady's like, God is the one who's punishing all of you for your sins. And some people start going over to her side. So there's this whole mess going on inside the store with this group of religious freaks. And the people who are just like, I think there's just some giant monsters outside. We need to focus on that right now. There's wasps that come fucking flying. And the wasp is like the size of a goddamn eagle. And if they sting you, you just swell up to this like a rotten tomato and fucking die.

There is a monster outside called a behemoth that looks like it's about the size of an aircraft carrier that walks on like eight legs that are each like a fucking tower each there's a crab monster that's like a mix between a crab and a fucking um praying mantis and it just scoops people up whole and slices them in half it is rough this movie sounds really cool the ending is one of the darkest things i've ever seen in a film. I'm not going to spoil it. I'll need to watch that then because it sounds good. Have you ever seen a, I'm sure you have Kyle Requiem for a dream. It is one of the saddest,

most depressing movies. I have seen it once. I will never see it again. Ass to ass, ass to ass. I've seen that scene a bunch of times, but I will never watch Requiem of a dream ever, ever again. Did you guys google saddest

movie no these are just sad yeah i did just to like get a reminder and then i remembered watching requiem for a dream and was like oh that was sad like i'm looking at pay it forward you know reminded me of that oh i haven't seen that one pay it forward is really good and i haven't seen million dollar baby that's on this list it's kind of sad there's that um you know the guy from i see Oh, I haven't seen that one. Pay It Forward is really good. I haven't seen Million Dollar Baby. That's on this list. It's kind of sad. There's that, you know the guy from I See Dead People, the kid? Yeah.

He and Kevin Spacey are in it. So you know what goes down there, obviously. Yeah, a little bit of friendly molestation. I'm going to pay it forward and then back and forward and back. I See Dead, shut the fuck up. I'm gonna pay it forward and then back and forward and back. I see dead. Shut the fuck up. No, it's a very sad movie as well. Fuck.

I think Sling Blade is terribly sad. It's a weird one. There's a lot of comedy in that film, but at the end, I cried. Dude, the part of that movie that I liked so much where he's in that room with the guy at the the end, I cried. Dude, the part of that movie that I liked so much where he's like in that room with the guy at the very end, he's like, what do you plan to do with that? He's like, I plan to kill you with it.

He's like, okay, okay. And then he just like stands up real quick and just just right down into the middle of his head. If you're going to kill me, you best call an ambulance or a hearse. What number you dial? Well, you just dial 911.

Alright, Dan. And then he just kind of stands over him. He's like, Carl? Whack! Whack! Carl just kind of goes, as he looks at his work and he goes over that phone fucking 9-1-1 you could tell they're asking he's like i just killed a man like and you know you can't hear the other end but some people call it a sling blade i call it a kaiser blade they're like are you sure and's like, I'm pretty sure that second whack near about cut his head

plane in two. Yeah. And then he goes there and makes himself some mustard biscuits and sits there and fucking eats them. Isn't that a God? What's the name of that actor? Sorry. I don't remember.

Dwight Yoakam. The guy who plays the sling blade guy. Oh, that's Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob Thornton, man. And then John Ritter is in there too with one of his best performances ever. That's such a good movie. It's a very good movie. Also very sad.

Yeah. I think the saddest part of that movie was when he was sitting with that kid in the woods. By the lake. Yeah, by the lake and they were speaking and it was just heartbreaking hearing about his life and the things he went through. The kid's like my daddy killed himself because he couldn't take care of me and mama. I wish he couldn't have killed himself.

And he could have stayed and we could have all been together. Carl thinks about that for a second. My daddy done us wrong too. His daddy made him bury his mutated dead baby of a brother when they were kids or whatever. That was all fucked up. I kind of want to put my arm around you. Would that be alright? Yeah, that'd be nice, Carl.

He puts his arm around the boy and he goes, I love you, boy. I love you too, Carl. And I'm crying at this point. I'm already crying. As soon as he says, I love you, Carl, I'm fucking crying. It's so emotional. That I love you, Carl, I'm fucking crying. It's so emotional. That little kid's a good actor. He's been in a lot of shit.

He was in... I think when he gets older, he's in Fast and the Furious. Tokyo Drift. That's one of the few Fast and Furious I've seen. And Tokyo Drift did not suck me in, so I think I'm going to go ahead and not watch the rest of that series.

It's fun. It's popcorn movies. And if it's what you're looking for, then it's some of the better popcorn movies being made. I just don't like racing movies very much. It's hardly about racing anymore. See, that's how little I know. It's the rock hanging out the passenger's side

door, redirecting missiles scooching along the ice with his foot. Popcorn. It's James Bond nowadays. hanging out the passenger side door, redirecting missiles, scooching along the ice with his foot. Popcorn. It's James Bond nowadays. That's what it is. Yeah, they literally begin in the first movie stealing DVD players, and by the latest ones,

they're like saving the world. Isn't the new James Bond going to be gay or something? Black, I think. No. Wait, I'm wrong or something? Black, I think. No. Wait, I'm wrong on that? Yeah, there was some talk of that. That's not happening.

Because I do not want to watch James Bond sweet-talk another man into bed. He'll be neither gay nor black nor a woman. But what's-his-name is playing James Bond in the next movie again. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. Who's an excellent Bond, I playing James Bond in the next movie again. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig. Who's an excellent Bond, I think. Getting a little old, though. Who's the best Bond? Pierce Brosnan?

Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig? Okay. Yeah. Casino Royale is the best Bond movie, I think, that has ever been made. I don't care for the cheesy nature of the old films. I did as a child. And I'm sure there's a lot of 12-year-olds who might be into watching

Connery or even Brosnan or Timothy Dalton or any of those guys, but it's cheesy nonsense. They literally said that Austin Powers was the main motivating factor for them making the transition to a more centralized in the real world type

of Bond, who was more like an actual secret agent who had character flaws than like this judo chopping laser watch having like bravado. Dude, no James Bond movie is as good as Goldmember or Austin Powers. What the fuck was the first one? Yeah, The Spy Who Shagged Me.

Those, and I used to think, I only laughed so hard at those because i was a little kid i watched gold member recently fucking hysterical i love girls i lost my penis in an unfortunate smelting accident in an unfortunate smelting accident you're good at that i need to work on that voice i don't even know what it sounds like. You've been doing that one for years and years. That was my first action. That may be your best accent, Kyle.

You know what the genesis for that accent is? That is Dana Carvey doing a Lorne Michaels impression and fucking Michael, what's his name? Mike Myers. Mike Myers stole it a lauren michaels impression and fucking michael um what's his name mike um myers who's the mike myers stole it and made a fucking billion dollar franchise out of it really i had no idea that whole thing was doing that voice for dana was lifted from dana carvey this is how lauren michaels

sounds when he's looking over a meeting he's telling everyone they've done a shit job. You've got the over? You've got it so perfect. Looking over the meeting. That's great. Why don't you fucking bust that out more? Silly impressions

are the funniest thing. His name? Fat Bastard. He raised a metric ton. Yeah, I love those movies as a kid. I'm fat because I eat. And I eat because I'm sad. I'm sad because

I eat. Oh, I'm dead because I'm sad. Oh, I'm dead sexy. He's got those fake-ass gelatin tits. That's your evil. I've got a deal for you. You keep your money and your mojo, and I get your wee

man. I ate a baby. My mojo. My other favorite Fat Bastard quote is, he comes in and he's got a shit so he's wanting to hurry up negotiations like i got crap on dick they could choke a donkey i like when he's about to run and jump over that pool he's like i sure hope my wire team is ready

he runs over there is ready those movies remind me so much of being like a young adolescent and just laughing my ass off at it i was in the eighth grade i was in the fucking eighth grade and spy who shagged me came out and i fucking loved it and i was just like that's all i did at school was i did austin powers and dr evil and uh and Evil and all those accents. You know, Will Ferrell was in that first one before anybody even knew who Will Ferrell was. He's the henchman who falls, who like Dr. Evil. He just dubs into the pit. Right.

Back to business. I'm down here and I'm still alive. Just very badly burned. If someone were to get me right now, I might be okay! Right. So, anyway... Yeah, those are fucking great, man. Those are such good movies.

And, you know, the whole thing between Dr. Evil and his estranged son, Scott, played by, what's his name, Green? Seth Green. Yeah. Seth Green. Yeah, Seth Green. They're in that therapy session. It's great. I think my dad wants to kill me.

It's like, your father doesn't want to kill you. No, he's actually right. I am trying to kill him. So far and successfully. The boy's quite wily like his old man. Yeah. So far and successfully. The boy's quite wily like his old man. Those movies are hilarious. Have you guys watched the Ace Ventura movies at any point in the last 20 years? Well, you know, it's not something I go back on. But yeah, the first one was gigantic.

And the second one had some hilarious moments. When he's in that rhino's asshole and he's trying to escape the animatronic rhino's asshole like and that family of tourists or who are on safari are like look look the mommy rhino's giving birth and he's just like coming out of that rhino's asshole and he falls on the ground all sweaty like a like a like a fawn or something like hold it up and they're like oh oh god yeah oh those are so funny which one was it pet detective where he like like the the fucking tribesmen or whatever are throwing spears at him and it goes into both of his thighs that's when nature call that's that's when nature calls okay um yeah that that's when he goes into the jungle to to to find who

stole the the white bat that's like a religious totem for that for that for this tribe um the first one he's just dealing with uh like the stolen miami dolphins dolphin and dan marino's in it and uh the opening scene is a ripoff of cliffhanger no yeah i remember uh like in i don't know must have been middle school when energy drinks were getting big and my mom was like totally against me drinking any energy drinks and she was like you know what's in those energy drinks bat shit and i was like that's no that's it's it's not and i only knew this because of ace ventura pet detective and i'm like no that's guano not guarana there's no bat shit in this and she was like oh well i still don't want you drinking it. What is the raspberry flavoring?

We looked that up. Wasn't it like opossum anus or something? That is from a beaver's testes. It's not anus? It's like his anus is stinking out. It's an anal gland. Something that they spray nasty smelling things on. Yeah. It's where their

musk comes from. What the fuck happened with artificial flavoring in bananas? Banana? They made up a whole flavor. Flavor banana? It tastes nothing like bananas and it's terrible. They just made up a flavor and called that banana.

Why is grape purple? Why is grape purple? Grapes are purple. Grapes aren't fucking purple. There's red grapes and green grapes. There's purple grapes and green grapes there's purple grapes and green grapes I've never seen a purple grape that's a blueberry motherfucker all this time have you guys noticed that though

when you eat artificial flavoring anything banana what the fuck flavor is that you ever get those candies out of like the quarter machine and the ones that are yellow and shaped like a banana that's the worst example of the fake banana flavor it's just nothing like a banana that's all they should serve in guantanamo our banana artificial flavoring candy all right boys who's ready for another quarter pound with banana candies?

Oh no, please, please take my clan. Take my dignity. No more banana candies. Please, no more banana flavored nerds. They are so, so bad. What's that? That would be a torture. Just all of your torture methods had to do with candies.

Like, all right, boys, it's pop rock time. Oh, please, no, not the pop rocks again. At least don't do them annually again. Exactly. That's where I was going. You take that little stick of white chalk that's flavorless. And I just imagine like a CIA a cia at like interrogator going wetting it stirring it around in the pop rocks and just and you just hear oh please this is the very much worst

i wish i had never tried to blow myself up at the marketplace. I should have just used that rental car to just move myself like I said I would instead of killing the people in the farmer's market. Oh, is that where they sent those guys? Oh, fuck it, no. Pop rock torture. Write that one down. Pop rock torture, that would be a good one. You know what? Honestly,

a diet of nothing but Fiber One bars. Mussolini used to kill people like that. Did you know that? With Fiber One? Not close. He would force-feed them castor oil until they diarrhea'd to death. That sucks, dude.

Not my favorite way to go not and this is this is really shocking to me because i've only ever heard good things about mussolini yeah yeah cool guy of the century mussolini last century this one has not been discovered yet perhaps i think it has i think we all know who the cool guy of the century is. Cool guy of this century. Who is Kyle thinking of? Well, I think we all know who he's talking about. Is that it? Trump is the cool guy of the century? He's a billionaire with a nuclear arsenal who won an unprecedented underdog-type political race

who grabs pussy with no consequences, who dates a supermodel. Married one. Does that make him less cool when he's no no no no no he he married a former one but but now he dates a supermodel i mean the man's still out there getting the bus the only way for him to be dethroned is if the blues win the stanley cup then they collectively become the cool guy he golfs with tiger woods tiger woods should be the cool guy I've laid this out before right Tiger Woods plays golf fucks porn stars

um you know if you're gonna make him president get the best dude golf sucks like do you guys like playing golf I like hitting the ball I've only been to the driving range driving ranges are totally different like but playing golf itself

like it's not until you get out there that you realize how high skill that game actually is and it just makes me upset i'm terrible i can hit it really far can you and i can i gotta yeah i'm i took golf courses because my dad was super into golf and so he made me do that when i was younger and so i'm really good at driving and i'm pretty good at chipping but my short game leaves a lot to be desired i went and bought a driver at putting i went and bought a driver i got like a 300 club and they're like oh it's rest your clubs nikes i'm like i don't have any other clubs you bought one club one they're like oh so you don't play like no i'm like the fucking ricky bobby of golf i just want to hit it hard i just want to fucking i go to the we have the

driving range every week i'm just starting getting into golf what would you recommend well we have this set here this set over here yeah i mean we're just looking for a one wood. I just want a big honking titanium driver and a bucket of Titleists. What do you mean I can't take them from the driving range? I put a quarter in and I got a bucket of balls. I'm leaving. Do you guys have Topgolf? Oh, I saw it on YouTube.

I know what it is. It's a driving range, right? With multi-levels and it of what it is it's a driving range right with like multi levels and it's like well lit and it's good looking oh it's like a super huge driving range and it's like multi layers and like a bar and entertainment and stuff inside i still haven't gone to top golf but it looks like a lot of fun i went to the driving range i had a co-worker who was getting into golf the it get black guy getting into golf Anyway, he took me to the range and at this point, I'm like 27 and I'm a pretty athletic guy.

You'd look at me and say, that's an athletic dude. And I went and these guys would be like 67 kicking my ass at the driving range. It was humbling. Yeah. I just thought I'd be good at it. And things that aren't hard, my my swing when my follow-through is a little flat right it should be over my

shoulder it's kind of next to my tricep and i couldn't fix it even though that seems like something that would be easy to fix i just saw it's way harder than you think to correct things like that like in golf like did you did you have any flashbacks to t-ball maybe i probably like there were times that i'd hit the damn uh it's not a t it's like a little rubber t replacement yeah yeah and i felt like i was hitting that instead of the ball and oh i was i got i got a lot better when i stopped trying to hit it hard and started trying to hit it squarely. If you just let the club do the work and just really focus on a clean swing and a good follow through and good hip work and just squaring the club face, I felt like I was hitting it 30% further and accurately than when I was just trying to... We've all seen the adam sandler movie right happy gilmore when he just gets that fucking running start like he's a former hockey player so all he knows he just slap shots all day long like he literally runs up to the ball and

knocks the fucking shit out of it and it you know he drives 400 yards or something like that i wonder if that doesn't work in real life. Like in real life, the guys who go for the distance records, Taylor, Kyle, maybe, you know, are there feet?

They just do regular swings. I know their clubs are super long. Just, just regular swings. But like Kyle couldn't be more right about that. Like I used to think like when I, I play golf maybe once a year. And when I used to play more often, because my dad made me,

I would think like, I just hit it as hard as I can. And all I would do is I would cream it, but my face would be that way because I was torquing too much as I was hitting it. And so it just, just slice into nowhere. Whereas if you're like, all right, I'm going to swing at it about 65 and just focus on getting that club face flush with the ball that's the way to do it like it's a game of finesse not

a game of power but taylor what if you consistently hit it as hard as you could until you got good at hitting it hard see that was what i used to do too. I'm going to swing it as hard as I can, but if I aim straight towards the hole, it's going to slice about 100 yards that way. So I'm going to aim as though the hole's over there and then just cream it as hard as I can.

And then after a couple times of that, it got to the point where it's like, well, damn it. Sometimes I'm accidentally hitting it straight now and it's just going straight into the fucking woods into some Taylor you just killed a man oops i'm sorry about that isn't trump supposed to be an actually good golfer yeah yeah we've talked about it i've heard both sides i've heard his cheating is so ridiculous that the people who think he's good are fooled by it and that he's actually better than you'd guess. I don't know. He's an old fat guy and

based on the PGA Seniors Tour his body type blends right in. If Trump didn't lie about his scores, he would belong on the PGA Seniors Tour. And I doubt he does. If he

gets beaten in this next election and he joins the pga senior tour that would that would cement him as the cool guy because if he was just like you know that president thing it just kind of fucking sucked you know like nobody everybody's just being a bitch to you all the time i just want want to play golf. It is true that if you're president, it doesn't matter if you're Obama or Trump, that people just bitch at you all the time. Half of the country is rooting for you

to fail, and that's a lot. It's got to be draining. I have a cool company of the week. You guys have probably followed this. I bet you're even guessing it. Blue Cheer? Not a bad guess, but I'm going with apple they have that thousand dollars it's a nice stand um a thousand dollar computer screen dude if you this is the cool

company of the week if you buy a thousand dollar computer stand you are a cuck to big tech if people don't know apple came out with a new monitor, a new screen. It's supposed to be very good. They say it compares with the $40,000 screens. Some guy on Reddit said that it doesn't, but it is still very, very good. Anyway, I think it's six grand. It might be five. And the stand for it, which you're seeing on my screen right now, is an extra $1,000.

And everyone's just going bonkers. To look at it, I don't see where the $1,000 comes from. No. That's not true. It's magnetic, though. No. So most of the places that would buy a monitor of this caliber don't use the stand. They throw the stand away and they mount it on their own stands.

They may have triple stands or quadruple stands or whatever. And so they should have said, Hey, it's a $6,000 monitor thousand bucks off. If you don't get the stand instead, they're like, if it's a $5,000 monitor and the stands a thousand more than everyone is just blowing up.

You're totally right. That would have been the much smarter way to market it uh yeah because i stole it from marcus brownlee or something like that oh i don't know who that is but you couldn't be more right like you would always want to include that as a bundle and then frame it as cheaper if you didn't get something as opposed to you know you can get this thing and lean it up against the wall or you can pay a grand to us and just take our full fist right in your ass. The idea that Apple overcharges for stuff is true but not as true as sometimes people make it out to be. You know, they'll do like the MacBook Pro or the, I want to say the Mac Pro in particular,

where it has like workstation class stuff and they're comparing their, like, is it Xenon? I'm pronouncing it. I've drawn a blank. Base chips. Their server-based hardware to some consumer-based gaming hardware and saying, look at how much cheaper our stuff is. But it's not the same. You don't have error-correcting code memory in yours. So this seems like the stand is the only stand that will work with it.

And aren't they more liquid than any other major corporation on earth? As far as it says right here on the verge, um, Apple announced on stage at the nifty magnetically attached pro stand, which allows the screen to tilt angle and even rotate from landscape to portrait modes would be sold separately for an extra thousand dollars. The company did not mention that it, along with the $200 VS V E S a mount adapter,

which will require you to buy another third-party stand, are the only stand options for the Pro. Okay, so I guess they're saying if you buy the VESA mount adapter for $200, then you can use a different stand? That's what I use. Yeah, I have a third-party stand that holds three monitors. I wish I could take my cameras off and show it, but it's like

this wide. My monitors, actually, they just have the holes in the back that accept it, but theirs needs an adapter to screw into a standard stand. Are you working on an Apple stuff? No, this is all PC.

These professional houses don't have a single monitor on a $1,000 stand. It's just dumb. It's dumb that they made it. If you're Apple, you should be sensitive to people ripping on your expensive stuff but like the ipad sounds cool though the ipad is rotate is nicer than the android ones and it's like like it's worth it the iphone is maybe a little premium priced but there are the premium android ones are similar to it in price um like you could make an argument that their stuff isn't that wacky like people like to say it is don't make it true and there they are

they did also make people on their last big phone buy dongles like it's 1999 and they're i have a macbook pro and it's the same problem. It's so dumb. Why did they do that? Because they're brave, Taylor. It's a brave company. It takes a brave company to bald face say,

yeah, all these Cambodians, they need nets in their buildings so that they don't kill themselves and they can make more phones for Americans. If people don't get it, when they removed the headphone jack, they need nets in their buildings so that they don't kill themselves and they can make more phones for Americans. If people don't get it, when they removed the headphone jack, they said they did it because they were brave. And I'm still upset. I still wish my phone had a headset.

I've moved on to all wireless headsets. I don't buy them anymore with the old school plug. But it was nice. That was the only reason. Like, I have no loyalty to android or apple i don't care either way i just wanted a functional phone and when i was going to buy one the only thing that 100 steered me away from apple was i they're like and here's the new apple phone i was like oh this is cool it's sleek got a giant ass screen oh is this the one where i need a dongle

to plug in my headphones they're like yeah i'm like i'm not interested what else do you have like just just straight to android then save me 300 and i actually can plug in headphones it's a hundred dollar phone it does everything that can't be a hundred it is that's what the cost i didn't know are you sure there's not some other cost like uh i have like the G6 or something. They're $100. Well, I don't think a G6 is. I believe Taylor's pretending he knows what a G6 is.

Are you sure that's not a Q6? It absolutely is. Because G's and Q's, I mean, depending on the font. Yeah, it's more than a Q6. It does everything. It does everything. It does everything. 100, though? Are you sure it's like 100 with a two-year contract and a kickback?

It was even better than that. It was the other way around. It was like 150, but we'll apply 50 of that to your next phone bill. And so it was like a – yeah. Yeah. That's the phone I want. I just want what's cheap, and I use like three apps. Yeah. Yeah. That's the phone I want. I just want what's cheap.

And I use like three apps. It does everything. I use Reddit. You know what it doesn't do? It doesn't mute during the show. So that's the thing. Oh, that's not mine. Oh, that's his phone.

No, it was yours, but I'm talking about like two months ago. My phone's not on loud. Yeah, I don't know what that was um you remember well if i want it to i just like i just like being disruptive you know i like attention but it's got facial recognition it's got the thumbprint nonsense i don't use any of that but it's got it it's got it's got all the voice command contraptions it does everything there's nothing it doesn't think all of us like attention why else would we have started youtube and be doing the things that we do now?

Everyone likes attention. If you didn't like attention. Well, no, that's not necessarily true. A lot of people get super shy about public speaking and aren't able to put themselves out there. Not that it's a detriment to them, it's just some people don't like it. I would argue that if you're really active on social media,

you probably like attention. And there are people that aren't. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got so much attention from my dumbass hockey takes about the Bruins and stuff where I'll bitch about calls and then the next day I'll rewatch the clips

and be like, ah, you got that one wrong retard. You were just emotional in the moment. I have an iPhone 7 and it's kind of old but it keeps working. Oh. My wife asked me if I was smoking. She texted me 31 minutes ago.

Tell you should troll her. You should be like look it's been stressful. Things have been stressful. Don't. Things have been stressful. Things have been stressful. Go on. things have been stressful things have been stressful go on

stay off my back on this one I'm nicer to her than that have some sympathy yeah have some sympathy that'll work I'm misspelling sympathy and we're about T-40 seconds until it comes up i sent it

so you're uh you're still watching that baby how long do you think that's gonna go or is it kind of uh oh for a long time we're actually still working i think she comes home at 11 like we tonight's unusual that we have her this late but i think we have her right now. And I mean, Jackie, this is her element, man. It makes her happy. I don't know. Until she goes to school at least. Yeah. It is weird

when you see, man, going to school. That'll be a hot sec. The next five years. She's over one now, but yeah. We don't all develop at the same pace. Fair enough. No, it's a situation that seems to make everyone involved happy. I was playing with her yesterday.

I took her swimming in the pool. I don't know. We like having her around. I'm happy for you. If everybody's happy from it, that's good. Yeah. Good thing. And hopefully her parents never find out where you took her.

Yeah. No, they haven't. is happy from it. That's good. And hopefully her parents never find out where you took her. We've all seen Gone Baby Gone. I forget what the situation is. It's unusual that we watch her past like 6 or 7, but today we're watching her till 11. We. Like, Jackie does 98% of it. And I just parachute in, tickle her once in a while, and leave

like a Gucci Gucci or something like that. Maybe once in a blue moon, Jackie's not there. I'll watch her for an hour by myself. It's fun playing with babies if you just get to be the fun one and you don't have to deal with all the rest of it because one of my girlfriend's siblings has a new, not new, like a year old kid. And all I do is make funny faces at him.

And he fucking loves it. Just cracking up. I'll be the one who like, you know, because women are too weak and feeble to do the throw the baby up game correctly. And so I'll do the, ah, ah, like throwing the baby up. And it's just. It's heartwarming how much joy they get out of that and how big

their smiles are. It's just a little kid viscerally enjoying it. It's great. She's confronting him about the cigarettes. She literally came and confronted him about the smokes. I told you, T-minus 40 seconds. I was correct. She's like, are you messing with me? I instantly gave it up. I'm like, yeah. Woody, you know minus 40 seconds. I was correct. She just opened the door. She's like, are you messing with me? And I instantly gave it up.

I'm like, yeah, but Woody, you know what I mean? We're like, you throw the baby up, you have some fun with it. Like the,

the smile and laugh in and of itself is a reward. It is. Yeah. It's a, and it's cool. Like when a kid, she, uh,

it's a, I don't know how to describe the joy. I think it's a chemical reaction, but like to hear a baby laugh, or just like she likes me, so when she sees me, she'll smile or wave or something, and it just, you know,

you get some pleasure from it. So she's a cool kid. Yeah. Anthony Jesselnik has this whole bit about dropping babies. Okay. I think I've heard that bit. Oh, it's fucking hilarious. It's on his new Netflix special.

I won't try to duplicate it because I've only heard it once, but he's just like, I will drop your baby. Frankly, there's nothing I enjoy more. I love dropping them. The biggest rush is when you drop a baby,

and then you can scoop it up before anyone notices. On the first bounce. On the first, yeah. Yeah. He's like, this lady came up to me at a party, and she said, could you hold my baby? And I said, yeah, for a while. yeah for a while he goes on for five minutes about how he enjoys dropping babies and it's not really dropping as much as he is if if you like that jessel nick style one-liner shit

just i'm sure both of you guys are familiar with these two but for anyone out there mitch headberg is a good person to look into is he still alive? yeah he died of a heroin overdose in the late 90s hilarious shit though and then there's Stephen Wright who has that really he's still alive I hope Stephen Wright's not dead because he's hilarious

I just maybe he has enough money and just decided not to work yeah he's 63 years old he's still alive he's very funny I just, maybe he has enough money and just decided not to work. Yeah, he's 63 years old. He's still alive. He's very funny. So those two comedians, if you're a Justin Lick fan, Stephen Wright.

Holy smokes. I haven't seen his picture in a long time. He's gained a lot of weight. Oh, probably. I'm only seeing his face and he's bearded, but he's, it doesn't even have dark hair anymore. They have an old picture of him on his website. Do they? Yeah.

He's touring. He's touring right now. Let's see. He's going to be in Jersey, Connecticut, Florida, West Virginia, Florida.

Yeah. I guess nowhere near us. Not that I would. Like his jokes are so funny though. Oh, dude, this picture of him on his website it's like 82

people are going to wonder who it is it's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it I got a new dog he's a paranoid retriever he brings back everything because he's not sure what I throw him I'm going gonna get a tattoo of my whole body of me but taller just even right has so many great jokes i fucking love it he came up with the um drive on a driveway

park on a parkway thing wait i said it backwards but he didn't yeah he says why do the drive on a driveway, park on a parkway thing. Wait, I said it backwards, but he didn't. Yeah. He says, why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? I bet there are some good comedy specials on Netflix now, but the ones that I put on are so quickly terrible, it's just kind of turned me off to that whole Netflix genre, unless I recognize the name. I feel like you're a hard laugh and i i'm

interested in your take on this but do you go into a comedy special wanting to like it or just like all right let's see what you got i mean usually the only time i put it on is if i'm like optimistic about it and so i'll be like oh this will be. And then I'll get 20 minutes in and realize, kind of like, oh, I haven't laughed this whole time. God damn it. Well, and then I'll back out of it. But I don't watch comedy specials that I anticipate not finding funny.

I haven't seen his latest one, but is it John Mulaney? Yes. I haven't seen his most recent, but he's hilarious in his first special. I have high hopes for him. He's the one who had that joke where it's like, being a murderer in the 30s would have been so easy.

You just kill someone and then the detective comes in and goes, there's blood in the counter. Gross! Clean that up! Now draw a chalk line about the body so then we'll know what it was like it yeah that it just seems like netflix is pumping out way too much content especially in the comedy sphere for it to be for there to be any kind of qc for it so jessalyn man, I'm telling you, watch that new Jesselnik special. It's very good. Hey, didn't Rogan do one

recently on Netflix? I've never been a fan of Rogan's comedy, honestly. I want to say I didn't see the newest one. The one before that was really good. Really good. I've seen them both. I liked them both. The one that I'm talking about,

it's the one where he's like, I don't pretend to be great looking. I look like three thumbs. And he does. Anyway, I never considered Rogan to be a good comic. He was a real comic. He did it a lot. He did his thing.

But I thought his work on the podcast and at UFC and even acting was really what he was about. Instead of comedian, which is something he wished he was until I saw this special. And it was like, Oh my gosh,

crushed it. And I, I bet you'd agree. It's just, it's just good. He's good. He's good. I'm just reading these Steven Wright jokes.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone i won't say any more his jokes people need to watch stephen right shit god i forgot how fucking funny this guy was i love that one-liner witty quick boom boom boom style comedy i don't i don't it's not that i don't like i i get bored too fast i like guys who can tell us the machine is what i like if i know that can't be replicated there's only one story that good but that sort of like it's been developing there are threads there are callbacks there oh yeah he said that three minutes ago and now it's now it's great that's what gets me the one-liner stuff is

like i giggle at it and then by the 12th one i want to change the channel and i think it's kind of stand you on the machine you understand you out of the machine yeah fucking great already regretting that i closed out of that it was an act of discipline and now he's talking you're talking about the crisper stuff yeah sure oh this is it's an interesting thing to me right and it's done. You want to talk about the CRISPR stuff? Yeah, sure. This is an interesting thing to me, right? It's sort of in regards to

America versus China and global dominance and where they're headed. So in China, this guy used CRISPR. I don't know what it stands for. Maybe Taylor does. Do you know what CRISPR stands for? I don't know. I know it's like a genetic optimization thing. It lets you modify genes and apparently crisper is like even easy to use they

make it seem like we could do it like oh you want a blonde we just turn the blonde dial and you'd get one it can't be the case but whatevs this um and they don't let you use crisper on people that's a thing that's like rule number one. And I think it's based on how Gattaca would be bad or good. You know, like I'm almost mixed. Like, Kyle, yeah, we're on the same page. But he, and this is how it would start, attempted to modify humans because the parents were HIV positive.

And he wanted to make HIV resistant babies so that they wouldn't be born with this disease. That was the scoop. And part of me, right. But it's like a good reason to do a bad thing. You could argue, you know,

I don't think it's a bad thing. Well, the argument against it would be that there'll be a divide amongst humans just like attica you wouldn't want that they used to say that you know babies were born with love or something like that and they don't say that anymore and you know you you craft and genetic and and people who have access to this will make super kids and people who don't have access to this will make our current stock we wouldn't want the rich to have a leg up it would exasperate the leg up that they get they'd literally be genetically superior not just you know tutoring for sat finally so uh um the trouble is apparently the guys sucked at it and the babies are going to have significantly increased mortality, which I thought meant they died early.

It just means they're not going to make it to like 75, 76 or something. Yeah, but they're immune to AIDS. Well, you'd think. But that part didn't work either. Oh, shit. So, but it is a first effort. And it's the kind of thing actually they're just very hairy i feel like this is an area where china gets an advantage you know like america is supposed to be

the open-minded sort of like dream free-flowing science place but it's in china that they're modifying humans and yeah not very well the chinese i bet i bet i'd love to see like what the fucking cutting edge of like human bio research is right now like i guarantee like like big governments like china russia and us are making some genetically modified modified super fucking soldiers like that has got to be a project that they're working on a way to make people bigger faster stronger and also at the same time i'm sure in a in sort of a parallel science is the like that has got to be a project that they're working on, a way to make people bigger, faster, stronger. And also at the same time, I'm sure, and sort of a parallel science is the integration of robotics or nanotechnology or computer technology into those people,

whether it's a suit that you wear that's an exotype suit or if it's actual implants within the person, maybe in the brain. If you could wire the brain into some sort of a computer system or something or vice versa. I think the only thing you need with people is to make them smarter. That's it. Bigger, faster, stronger. Heck, that's not it. Like you take your bigger, faster, stronger people and I'll take the swarm drone attack, the kill streak from Modern Warfare 3 and wipe them out.

Like that. My take on it is machines and weapons and stuff are going to outdo muscles. Muscles are not the way that we need to go. But, and I've tried to say this before and it never took traction, but like genetically we're about the same as we were 20,000 years ago, maybe more.

But all our advancement is in the last 250 years or so you know prior to that it was like oh we went from 1400 to 1900 and got a little better at sailing and then we went from 1900 to you know in the next 120 years and did crazy stuff you know the internet the communication the industrial revolution cars electronic and combustion engines and just travel to space repeatedly that's all been the last 120 years so we're working on old tech though old bio if we could take the bio platform the humans the wetware in our head and upgrade it then what happens in the next 200 years will make what happened in the last 200 years look like nothing that's where crisper comes in that's it i don't think it's about bigger biceps i think it's about bigger brains and then that bigger brain thing multiplies and turns into bigger and bigger brains and

smarter and smarter people and and and a world that will hardly recognize in a hurry that's the sci-fi of this and in china they've started not great great. Not great. I'll admit, their HIV-resistant babies aren't resistant to HIV, and they die of HIV and die early. But they're trying it. They're starting it. Should we be keeping up? Should we let China storm the beach on this, and then we do what China's done for the last 50 years

and just steal their secrets once they've figured it out? What if they put fake secrets out there and we make dolphin babies or something, though? Well, then we have a brand new Navy. They thought they'd thrown a real wrench in the gears when they gave us the dolphin baby program, but

Flipper here can carry 8 kilograms of high explosive, 300 meters beneath the ocean, right into the heart of the Chinese Sea. Do you know that dolphins are rapists sometimes? We all know that. Yeah, that is very... Anyone who spends some time on the internet knows

about dolphins and their propensity for rape. A lot of animals rape. I'm pretty sure that there is no such thing as consensual duck sex. I don't think there's any such thing as consensual sex in a lot of species. Are we sure that ducks have sex? I have it on good authority that chickens do not.

Just spring out of the ground! Just spring out of the ground! Some people say there are no duck women! No, I think that most species have consensual sex, where the female is choosing her mate.

You make a face wait when you literally have animals doing mating dances no he did you know you literally have animals doing mating dances where the female stands there and is like that's no that's the thing if if peacocks didn't have consensual sex, then boy peacocks would just be big, tough rapist looking peaky peacocks. Yeah. There's this one species of bird. There's this one species of bird where it's not a single male doing the mating dance. There is a chorus of birds who all team together.

And one of them is like the Justin Timberlake of the group. They're all trying to like pump up and get to get laid. And they all do this coordinated fucking like, like, yeah, exactly. Justin Timberlake of the group. They're all trying to pump up to get laid. And they all do this coordinated fucking... Yeah, exactly. And the girl's sitting there like, I like it, I like it. Inspired, coordinated.

I like the twirl. All right, Carl can fuck me. And the other guys are just all, fuck yeah, Carl getting laid tonight. And then later on, they all team up together and they do a dance for Bill. And then they get Steve laid. Yeah, they get Steve laid. Really? But they're just as often, maybe not just as often as that happens.

There are other situations like orangutans, ducks, insert animal here, where basically the whole mating strategy is like the female sees a horny male and just tries to escape as fast as possible and then the only males who are quote-unquote worthy of breeding are the ones who can catch her and so an orangutan bitch who's running who's swinging away and that orangutan bro behind her can't catch her. She's like, weak ass bitch. You wish you could procreate with me. Meanwhile, the fast orangutan who catches her and then starts raping her, it's like, ah, well, I'm going to have the fastest, rapiest sons. But there's an evolutionary problem with that.

It would seem like the fittest women don't procreate. Well, they just procreate with the fastest males. They don't get caught, right? Don't fuck fat hoes, all right? If I'm the Ronda Rousey of the orangutan world, no one's catching me, and I'm not having babies. Dude, the level of sexual dimorphism in orangutans makes it so that is not possible.

A male orangutan is like literally twice the size and strength of a female. This is an area where I will not debate Taylor. I know where it is. When it comes to monkey law, then Taylor reigns supreme. I can see his autism is on full tilt right now.

Talking about sexual dimorphism and apes. I should have never headed down this path This is a mistake from the word go That would make Trump even cooler As if it turned out he was a fan of monkeys And monkey videos What if he had a like

What if instead of a dog He sued Bill Maher for being compared to a orangutan Are you familiar with this? Wait he He sued Bill Maher for comparing him to an orangutan You're you familiar with this wait he sued bill mark for comparing him to an orangutan you're not familiar with this oh my gosh well then now he's not at all the cool guy of the week oh um because orangutans are cool orangutan i'm sure some of these letters are actually in that orangutan yeah no g at the end like the orange orange drink. I know I can't show the video.

I'm looking for maybe a picture. But here. The only thing I think of every time I see Bill Maher is his eyes are so beady it creeps me out. So I haven't read this article, but I did look at the picture. It's the one I'm looking for. Basically, Donald Trump kept saying that Obama was Kenyan or something and couldn't prove that he wasn't from Kenyan. So Bill Maher said, I'll pay $5 million if you can prove that Donald Trump is not parented by orangutans. And he put this picture up to sort of show the similarity between Trump and orangutan.

Anyway, Trump produced his birth certificates for real as proof that his parents weren't orangutans. Orangutans. Oh, I keep saying it wrong? So your father's name was Bobo? Yeah, but that's a real human name too. It's just that for bug keeps. And Trump lost in court because I guess Bill Maher was able to prove that this was obviously comedy and not a serious offer.

If they had made Bill Maher pay. It is fucking obviously comedy. Like so obvious. I see the similarity. I don't know. I might be on Trump's side with this one. Talk shit get hit. But yeah, this is a real thing that happened. And it wasn't that long ago

2013 so yeah anyway I'm still waiting on Taylor to prove that he doesn't have some sort of Neanderthal parentage I probably do you're on the same team on this one I've got a strong brow

a giant head big features like I'm probably I feel like there's an unspoken stop me any moment here guys and we're all like neanderthal yeah no you guys just roll them with it yeah yeah now that you say he's got a 10 000 to 12 000 year look ago about it you know this is an area where i feel undereducated like so homo sapiens didn't evolve from neanderthals or crow magnets were they all parallel at one point where does it you're all living together so neanderthals and homo sapiens lived concurrently in the same era in uh solely

europe and even western eurasia i think is they were. And so white people have far and away the most Neanderthal ancestry because that's where they lived. And basically the way that we got rid of Neanderthals was outbreeding them. Because it turns out they were smarter than us. They had larger neural capacities. They were stronger than us. So when you say you're Neanderthal, you're just flexing. Totally flexing.

Flexing on that giant skull skills of mine. I think all that intelligence just skipped a thousand generations because I didn't get that. Our advantage seems to have been our ability to work well in groups and teams. And by doing so, we were able to kidnap and rape all the Neanderthal women

and fuck them into being like us. And that's why people like Taylor look like they do. But where did we join, though? We didn't join. We killed them all. I meant to say prior to that. Oh, we fucked some of them. I'm going back even further in time. Maybe I'm off on this.

I have this idea that monkeys split off into Neanderthals, Cro-Magnon, and Homo sapiens, but there must be some pre-Neanderthal things that we have in common. Well, the monkey isn't... It's not as if chimpanzees, for example, are our ancestor. They are evolved from the same ancestor

that we're evolved from. And that's what I'm getting from. Where from the same ancestor that we're evolved from and that's what i'm getting from like where was the common ancestor that split into neanderthal cro-magnon and homo sapien where were crow i thought cro-magnon were more oh it's completely possible i brought them in when i shouldn't have i oh paleolithic right right right right because i was in the Cambrian Okay, between You were in the Cambrian era Which is much, much older

Yeah, yeah No I don't think it was necessarily The way Kyle said it Where we just kidnapped and raped them I think that at some point We probably did have concurrent Societies Because especially European and raped them. I think that at some point we probably did have concurrent societies

because especially European homo sapiens were much more opening to outsiders because you're living in a much more harsh environment. And so if you see someone with a valid ability to provide food, you would invite them into your trot. Whereas if you live in a So you're not

arguing against the sex. You're arguing that it might have been consensual Yeah, I think that it was probably more than I bet our ancestors were very understanding Of a different species Of man It wasn't a different species if we could mate with them It's not a different species

It's a completely different kind of being though I mean we don't accept People who are a little bit browner than us Today We do. You're just racist against Neanderthals. And by we, I don't mean the three of us.

I just mean the one of us. You know what? As I think it through, I'm pretty sure Kyle would fuck a Neanderthal and he's not the one who would be racist against them. I would not fuck a Neanderthal. And it wasn't just us fucking the Neanderthals. It was Neanderthals fucking us. It was the interbreeding.

And it was not consensual. I promise you. I mean a simple Google search I'm sure will garner us all kinds of Neanderthal rape. Neanderthal raped. Well, you're just being biased. Now you're setting the table. Yeah, I'm going to look up Neanderthal consensual sex.

Put up Neanderthal not raped. Yeah, but like they did have bigger heads, bigger bodies. They were stronger, but they were fewer in number, and that's what ruined them. What is the difference between Cro-Magnon and Neanderthal?

Oh, the top article doesn't include Neanderthal. Let me look it up. Actually, if you look up Neanderthal consensual sex, you don't find anything. See, this is what I'm confused about. It says they're an extinct species, but isn't species derived by... Like, if you can mate and procreate with them,

aren't they technically just different subtypes? I don't think so. They would be like a different race than us instead of a different species? That's like saying that tigers and lions are the same species. They're just a different race of each other. Ah, you're right.

You're right. Yeah. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I'm a retard. A Liger. Those Ligers are gigantic and they also... Did you ever see the Liger with Down Syndrome?

No. Are you serious? You've never seen that? Liger with Down Syndrome. We'll see if it rings a bell. Yeah? Liger with Down Syndrome. Bell. Yeah, Liger with Down Syndrome. Just light it up and it's got a Down Syndrome face. Oh, that's a retarded line

if I've ever seen one. Oh, shit. Kill it with fire. This poor thing. And that's what happens when we try and play God. When we try and play God, we end and play God we end up with Ligers with Down Syndrome it's interesting to see

I think it's called a moon face and that like not insulting and it's interesting to see a moon face on a Liger yeah that's like an integral part of Down Syndrome is you get that moon face as if I can throw stones I've got a giant ass head but you get that moon face and the smaller features in stones i've got a giant ass head but you get that moon

face and the smaller features in the middle and that's exactly what this liger has they have muscle over their whole body which is kind of a bummer like yeah yeah that's where like the whole retard strength thing falls apart because like yeah people with down syndrome like i saw a down syndrome like power lifter uh on twitter and first of all good for him i'm glad to see he's doing something he enjoys but like it's actually harder for those people to lift because they have all sorts of fucked up back issues i saw one of those down syndrome power lifters and he was at donald schwarzenegger's book signing and i'm searching was great with the special needs kids he's like are're a bodybuilder or a power lifter and the kid's like power lifter he's like yeah you

look good you look built and the kid's just like thanks like he walks away with this book signed by schwarzenegger and schwarzenegger just told him that he looked built and he looked good and he's just on top of the world walking away like oh dude if i worked for years and schwarzenegger told me in a condescending tone yeah you look built i'd be like oh i'm walking on sunshine look at the little moon-faced fuck walking away he believed me you mean that one wasn't even retarded? I swear by the size of his head, I was afraid he'd bash me with one. His head was enormous.

Did you see it? Maybe he's got a tumor. You think he's got the Neanderthal blood? It looks gross. My father would have put an end to someone who looked like that, I tell you now. Because his dad was a Nazi. All right, let me tell everybody about Turo. Turo. What do they got?

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Turo, go. If you don't, you're a fool. Turo. Taylor, can we switch to finger guns? No. Alright, PKA 442.