Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #445

Episode Date: July 6, 2019

On this week's PKA, guys are flying solo this week as Taylor brings up how much he'd love to be a Duke or Lord of Sealand, so the guys investigate what it takes to acquire some of these fancy noble titles, which segues right into looking at pictures of the most Dandy man who is getting a lot of attention online and his dashing clothing choices and Kyle was poisoned... by himself... and some fish, but his decisions led to his poisoning. So enjoy that one.

pka 445 just us kyle a few sponsors tonight uh blowfish dave.com casper mattresses and blue chi we'll get to those guys later on in the show of course but yeah just us so we spent all of pkn talking about food and it's a little apropos that kyle comes to our pre-show being like, oh, I spent about seven hours vomiting last night. I had food poisoning. So was it from your own creation? Did you do this to yourself? Did you Frankenstein yourself? No, I did not do this to myself. I've never given myself food poisoning. What happened was last night we were playing this game on tabletop simulator, this sort of word guessing vocabulary game that you play in teams of two. I won't get too into it.

A lot of fun. We streamed some of it on Little Mitt's channel. And I was hungry. And I didn't want to step away from the game. I didn't even want to heat up a cup of soup. I was like, I'm just going to order something on my phone. I love this game. And I was like, a fish sandwich.

That's what's calling out to me this evening. would like a bit of fit risky choice i didn't think so i've ordered plenty of fish on postmates i'm gonna have some day old sushi in 2019 though we should have fish sandwiches down pat i think so it's not like i ordered oysters which is an option by the way there is a place that would deliver raw oysters to my home i am not that uh that much of a risk taker but i was just like you know a fried fish sandwich you know like i'm picture of the fish from mcdonald's pretty processed should be okay yeah it wasn't from mcdonald's it was from a another restaurant but you said it was comparable right yeah comparable yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's uh it's grouper instead of cod but But in any case, I ordered this fish sandwich.

And I think it got a side of onion rings. It shows up. And I immediately was unhappy. It wasn't even fried. It was blackened fish, which I don't care for. And so I just sort of picked at it. I just sort of picked at it. I just sort like tore like like three bites off of it and dipped those entire sauce and i ate that and i ate one onion ring and i was just like this isn't very good i'm not even going to eat it it's sitting next to me by the way the box of poison uh it's still it's still here even throw it away i didn't even throw it away uh that's the best kind of food to leave out overnight seafood already youtuber that brought the camera around and he was like yeah yeah order level yeah what's it like around there i that's what i was talking about when that

happened like i'm not gonna move the camera but it's messy i'll admit it it is messy it's nothing like what he's got like like like i've got like three or four empty like soda cans like like there's like some diet pepsisepsis. There's a little thing of Ritz crackers here. I got my pepper here in case I need to spice things up a bit. I've got a

half-empty, half-eaten grouper sandwich and a styrofoam container on the floor. Just so we can get a realistic conception of what you were picking at. It took you half the sandwich to realize you didn't like it? I didn't even eat half of it. You didn't?

That is most of the sandwich. You can see. It's just the tip there that I sort of gnawed off. And so I was just like, well, that was not good. That was not good. So you ordered another meal, I assume. Actually, now it's a little... I didn't realize.

So I was just like, you know, whatever. Let's go to bed in a little bit. So we finished playing the game. Now it's a little spicy. Yeah. It's sort of like almonds now. So I go to bed, and I wake up at 2 in the morning, and I'm just like,

Ooh, Ooh, I don't feel good. I think I need, yeah, I need to throw up. So I get up and I go, I go to the bathroom and I really vomit a lot.

Like, like four good, like yaks and it all gets out of me. And I'm just like, Oh, every time you vomit, you know, you feel better.

Like, like it's,'s all yeah definitely you're getting in the drink whether you have the flu you're getting taylor you're not on wi-fi by chance are you you're getting the poison out no i'm not and so i immediately felt better and i drank a little alka seltzer and i went back to bed an hour later I woke back up same thing and that continued throughout the fucking night and by the third time I vomited I was just drinking lots and lots of ice water at this point and and and so the fourth time I vomited It was as clear I was just throwing up all the ice water that I had eaten and the one little pack of Salting crackers that I had eaten to try to like put something solid in my stomach.

That all comes back up. But then, and this is the magic of the stomach. The fifth time I vomited, it was Brown again. It was Brown. Like, like I don't turn the light on when I vomit.

It's truly a magical moment. I'm thinking Disney thoughts. I don't want to, I don't, I don't want to leave the light off when you vomit. There's enough ambient light from the living room that I can see. I'm not going to miss the toilet, but I

don't want bright fluorescent light shining down into a bowl full of vomit as I'm vomiting. This is a terrible experience already. I don't need it. I got my head right in there. I leave the lights off, but I can tell this is a brownish reddish vomit that's coming out of me.

This is food stuff from the day. Woody has himself a cup. Got a coffee right here. It's the worst thing to pair with this story, but carry on. So I don't know how that happened though. How I went from clear vomit back to colored vomit. But that continued all night until maybe 9 p.m. this morning. So like seven or eight full hours of just throwing up and shitting all night.

And I was explaining to Woody the strategy for it. Because if you're going to have diarrhea, the last thing you want to do is put your head right into that toilet bowl after you've had diarrhea. And I was like, Woody, I've had food poisoning many times. You just use two different bathrooms. You've got one you poop in and one you vomit in. And so that's what I do. My vomiting, my vomitorium is right over here to my right, just off the hallway. My poopitorium is the master bedroom over there. And so I would just go back and forth between the two all night long. Just like yep it's time for bathroom number one nope no no no no this is bathroom number two time that's a high iq maneuver i know i know it was a rough fucking night and i'm still not recovered 200 iq food poisoning i like it oh i feel like shit did you sleep at all, yeah, like three or four hours, like maybe from like 9 p.m. to like one in the afternoon or something like that.

I slept and then I woke up and I couldn't go back to sleep. So I've just kind of been awake, sort of taking it easy today, eating like salting crackers and drinking a lot of ice water. It's not a great story. I've been watching Stevie, the Rust YouTuber. Do you know him, Kyle? Yeah. I'm addicted to his videos now. I've watched four or five hours of Stevie today just catching up on his whole library.

This Rust universe of YouTubers does some pretty good storytelling. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of good ones um you know i haven't been watching it lately i've been i've been playing more pub g again and uh and then playing some stuff in tabletop simulator i like that a lot you know there's all kinds of crazy games to play in there speaking of like how stomachs work have you ever eaten like pizza at noon and then if you throw up at like midnight you'll throw up pizza and it's like how long is that staying in there i wonder that i thought it was a faster process through the body right i thought it was 24 hours but that's a couple hours in it's down into the tubes i don don't understand. With some foods, it seems to be a 24-hour process.

Yet, with frosted mini-wheats, it's like 20 minutes for me. You know it starts immediately, because I had asparagus for lunch today, and when I peed 17 minutes later, it smelled terrible. Curiously fast. You guys eat a lot of asparagus. This has never been a problem for me in my life. Asparagus is a top-tier vegetable. One of the best tasting.

No? It's part of the mixed vegetable package that we buy. Which is why I get it sometimes. I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan at all. You're not a fan of any vegetables? I don't know that you're a good connoisseur. There are good gourmet in this regard.

I like some vegetables. There are vegetables that I do like yeah i like the top tier vegetable okay i find carrots to be a top tier vegetable i think you can do a lot with the carrot i uh i like um what are those things called that um i can't think what does it look like we can help you out what color is it it's green and it goes in stir fry and it's like a meaty vegetable. It's like a big vegetable that you cut up into stir fry. Eggplant or something like that. Maybe eggplant. What is the big green one?

Golf ball sized. Zucchini? That's it. I like Brussels sprouts. I like Brussels sprouts. The vegetable wizard over here. You name a color and a shape and I got it.

What if it's small and yellow? Sometimes it pops. It's like the size of a pea. I like, but yeah, I like all that stuff. I like eggplant, zucchini. I like brussel sprouts if I cook them. And I like spinach. I like spinach a lot.

Is corn a vegetable or a starch? A vegetable. Corn's a vegetable. Yeah. Is popcorn a vegetable? Technically, yeah. By the transitive property, yes. Okay.

Yeah. You can't prepare a thing in such a way that it becomes another thing. I don't know. Popcorn seems really starchy to me. But I mean, I'm not going to die but i i mean i'm not i'm not gonna die on this hill that's not the one yeah you know the worst hill to die on are those assholes who will make a to-do about tomatoes technically being a fruit though yeah it's like we live in a society people and we've established it's a vegetable like it's not apples like you don't eat nobody

eats tomatoes unless they're like fresh off a vine like an apple if you do it like that it's not apples like you don't eat nobody eats tomatoes unless they're like fresh off a vine like an apple if you do it like that it's actually pretty good yeah you'll do that with like store-bought uh it's one of my midnight snack go-tos i like i do like to slice i do like to slice raw tomatoes put a little salt and pepper and just eat them they're very tasty if that's offered at a restaurant i choose sliced tomatoes every time and i never regret it. Yeah, I often get it with breakfast. I'll get scrambled eggs, tomato slices, and sirloin tips or something. Do steak and eggs with some tomato slices. It's really good.

Let's just do a full week of food. That's all we talk about the whole time. Yeah, I like it. Favorite recipe. Completely make a shift. No more Faces of Death videos. No more laughing at wings for failing at his diet. No more cars.

No more politics. No more mixed martial arts or hockey. Welcome to the food channel, ladies and gentlemen. We'll all get hot plates. We'll have a thing like the way this mic boom is, but it's a hot plate that'll... And I'll just have... I'll do stir fry right here in front of the camera.

I'm going to build a giant rotating fry right here in front of the camera I'm gonna build a giant rotating table that stir spins around me throughout the show this is off it Kyle you can you could cut up little bits of shrimp and flip them at the webcam make everybody feel what is this wings thing oh who jumped in already okay I I simultaneously don't want to pick on the poor guy but i'm tremendously fascinated by him and need to know yeah like i don't pay attention to it i really don't but but you used to be a wings historian at the highest level yeah but because he's been on the lexa pro like he doesn't rage anymore he's just kind of annoying now so so like it's not even entertaining anymore because he's not like going into rage mode he's just kind of sad but i guess excuse me that's not that's not poor manners that's just directly

into the mic yeah right well i mean where else might be poor manners you need to know yeah you need a cough button i love my cough button i've got the opposite i've got a button right here that like gives me a little bit more bass whenever i've got to cough and i feel like people appreciate it there's a realness when i come on the microphone i'm not hiding anything i'll get so i i wasn't paying attention to it like i said but i guess that we're all familiar with the choosing beggars subreddit i think yes yeah and so wings was sort of featured on there the the links right there if you scroll up would you like me to read it sure yeah see if i try to read on a 46 year old level let's see i'm on the edge of giving up

but you guys can help i know i keep ignoring your comments because all they do is tear me down but i really need your help, guys. I'm trying to walk, but it's just so hard knowing that no one supports you. I only get 10,000 views per video, and that won't pay for my food, water, electricity, gas, or anything. But now I've decided to let you guys finally help me lose this weight. I've started a donation page called Buy Wings One Mile. Every $10 that you donate will mean that i have

to walk a mile now it's your time to help me out if you don't donate then i guess you were just one of those people who wanted to see me fail if you really want to help you donate if you don't i won't walk if i don't walk i die which is just what you want to see anyways find it in your hearts to help me live a better life. You can click here to donate. Must be $10 or I will not walk. Oh, man. When you're trying to get fit, you want a nice sustainable strategy like charging $10 a mile for the rest of your life.

Come on. That's silliness. It's absolutely him. First of all, there's a lot of people um who remember oh is that not confirmed to be him it is absolutely confirmed to be him he is denied that it's him but it is him and not only did are there like a ton of people like hundreds and hundreds of people were like dude i follow you on facebook we all remember you posting this but but then he deleted his facebook because people it old? Yeah, it's very old.

Oh, that's important information. Okay, I thought he just did it. Was this pre-surgery? Yeah, probably. I mean, there's probably a date on the thing. And then there was this little snippet from his chat. This is very recent, you know. Just him chatting with fans. He says, well well i'm probably at the weight i'll be at

for a while now somebody goes what's up wings and then nothing where did he go come back pimp i just want to play with my pickle and do a curl that's that's unrelated wings play rainbow send my friend send me a friend request then wing, it might never get better than this. But it might. I don't know. Someone says, don't say that, Wings. Someone else, you gotta get in the gym. ASAP. Someone else, hey Pip, come back. Someone else, Wings, why?

Then someone's message was deleted by a moderator. Then, Wings, you watching the braves they're tearing up the cubs the wings goes no what i gotta do is stop drinking sweet tea there's there's probably if you have to stack rank the worst drinks when you're trying to lose weight sweet tea has to be even worse than soda right because yeah if you got like a 20 ounce thing of coke nobody can just guzzle that whole thing in one drink. Because it's carbonation and it's really cold and everything.

But sweet tea, you could drink a quart of that with just one You can just kill it like it's milk or something. And it's very tasty. I like sweet tea. I do not remember the last time I had sweet tea. What I do instead, I get unsweetened tea and i put

artificial sweetener in it which is no calories and it's just like this is just as good especially if you put some lemon in there put some lemon in that shit it's fucking tasty i like it it's a lot of ice nice and cold can't drink sweet tea there i don't know the actual sugar content of sweet tea but it's like 50 50 sugar it's. It's pounds and pounds per gallon. I think it's like one pound per gallon of sugar to liquid. I share Wings' love of sweet tea. It sounds like we all love sweet tea. It's delicious. My thing lately has been olive palmer, so I'll do two-thirds unsweet tea, one-third lemonade.

That way I'm only one-third an asshole. Can I'll do two thirds unsweet tea, one third lemonade. And that way I'm only one third an asshole. Can I help you? Go on. Chick-fil-A, which is where I get my unsweet tea. I don't trust myself to make it because I'm not good at it. So I get a, it's not, it's not easy to make. I don't know if you're a tea professional, but I've made tea before. And sometimes it's too, it's too basic. Sometimes it's too acidic. It's not very good. It'll give me really bad heartburn. So I purchased a gallon of unsweet tea from Chick-fil-A. They've mastered this science. It's what they do.

And so what you can also do from Chick-fil-A is you can buy, they do diet lemonade with unsweetened tea mixed together. And so you get that and you put the zero calorie sweetener in there and you've got an Arnold Palmer. It's delicious. It's really good. Can Chiz hear the show right now? No.

Oh. He's just inferring based on the screenshots. He does that incredibly well. It sounds like he can hear. I'm sorry, audience. Chiz is writing to us in the chat and it's so relevant to what we're saying and I don't know Discord that well,

so I get fooled. That's pretty sad that he's just giving up on the surgery like like i mean but he's a little bipolar that it was going to be a total downward trend like of course they're going to be plateaus where you struggle but like you can't just give up because of that you got that guy who has highs and lows you can do it he has highs and lows and i i think if we just take his lowest of lows and say that's where he is right now, that you might get a misleading picture. You know, like, I think that Boogie also has highs and lows, but he hides his lows a little more, you know, and just puts a positive face on where he is.

Wings, you know, he wears out on his sleeve, wears his heart on his sleeve. You see all the highs and lows. Boogie does it with a smile. You know, he wears it out on his sleeve. He wears his heart on his sleeve. You see all the highs and lows. He does it with a smile. Well, that really fucking sucks for wings. But come on, dude.

Is there another recourse for him? You can't go back and get more of your stomach removed. Why not? I just feel like at some point you're going to run out of stomach. Yes. You could line it with something maybe, right? Like replace whatever intestines you have with some sort of copper piping that doesn't absorb anything. You didn't even think of that.

Yeah, that's smart. Yeah. No, that's – I saw an article on Twitter where this trans woman had like her pussy operation went tits up. And so they had to go in and do other things and so they use tilapia skin because apparently you can use tilapia yes they did yes they did they use it for for skin grafts too they use tilapia skin because it molds really well to people are you telling me i feel like everyone here knows what a tilapia is except me is this it's a fish it's a fish oh it's right right okay yeah and like they use it for skin grafts and so they use that in the neo vagina process and if you can use it for that you can use that for a stomach what kind of mad man are you i saw it on twitter they wouldn't lie on the internet

so you're telling me that they gave this person an artificial vagina made out of fish. I wonder what it smells like. It's got to smell putrid. It's got to smell absolutely putrid. One of the things they don't tell you about those fake pussies, by the way, is they have to insert a dilator in there to keep it from collapsing and healing back over itself. Because it's just an open wound. They don't tell you that. Boom. No.

No, they don't. Until you drink chilies one night. And you thought I was a fool. PubMed is on my... To lather your skin as a new biologic graft for neovaginoplasty

in Mayor... What the fuck mayor rockin rockin tan sky husk custer hauser syndrome that is a whopper to read i i think i'm a pretty good reader but maybe above average in general below average with new words and there were a lot of new words in there. A lot of new words for you there. Yeah, yeah. Neovaginoplasty. That's a new one for me. Totally up front, haven't read a word of this. Get out.

Jesus Christ. That is pretty cool, though. If fish skin can just, like you get burned on your arm or something, and they can slap some fish scales on there. I wonder if it becomes... That seems so old school, though. I want that shit where there's an aerosol can of stem cells,

and they just... and just spray a layer of stem cells that are just immediately becoming skin. I'm with Kyle, except that I think the hospital should stock biocompatible skin like they do blood and just be like oh this poor guy came in here he's got a cut on him we'll just slap a patch on that baby let it heal up like that would be a neat thing

or you know this guy has a burn we'll just you know cut out the old skin put some biocompatible what's your skin type oh positive yeah slap some shit on and uh what's your skin type oh positive yeah slaps and uh what's your skin type and they bring out like a color palette like but yeah but yeah it's impressive that he's beaten the surgery it hasn't been that long hasn't i think it's been about a year now almost exactly a year yearish sounds right i uh i i don't know maybe i'm a fool i haven't given up on it yet it's still there you know he's he has a moment of weakness he tells the world about it because that's how wings is wired you know he doesn't he doesn't just put a happy face on all his ups and downs and you know who knows

tomorrow he might be out walking. Or not. You want to place bets on this too? I like our running bets that come to fruition kind of randomly throughout time. This would be a fun running bet. I don't know if you paid. You might. I'm not accusing you of not paying. But I think I won a bet about Wings' sister not getting pregnant. Oh, I think I paid that.

Oh, you may have. It ran so long, I don't know. Yeah, I remember we brought it up on the show. I think it was just like $5 or something. Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, I paid that one up. And I'm not, I don't know if we ever confirmed that she did get knocked up.

I don't think she had a kid. I don't know how the threat was worded. Yeah. Does the pregnancy have to come to fruition? Yeah, she's not in Missouri. No,'s not south carolina they're still sucking them right out they got the terminator 9000 best one around terminator 9000 liquid metaluba liquid metaluba a metal piece. A little tissue of a metal piece. A little baby. It never even stood a chance.

It enters as a smooth dildo, turns into some sort of mixer, spin it around, then leaves nicely. I just use a KitchenAid handheld. That thing with the tattoo. Two egg beaters. Literally egg beaters, yeah.

I bet my mom doesn't like the abortion jokes i keep thinking of her like when we get too low on the show i remember i'm reminded the fact that my mom watches every minute not a big fan of abortion okay probably not i'm so interested in this fish skin thing like are you armored now no you're not armored. Are fish armored? Well, more than we are. Are they? Come on, you've filleted a fish before. Maybe you could pick like shark skin. Shark skin.

It's very rough. Like it's literally like six grits. Why are you stopping there? Why not lobster skin? Because they're not fish. They're crustaceans. Well, I mean, they're fishy. Why limit ourselves to one kind of animal? What about alligators?

That would look hardcore. How many kinds of animal is an alligator? At least one. Okay. I like to think of them as dinosaurs anyway. Yes. I'm sorry to cut you off, but dinosaurs have become less mystical to me over the years right

there was a time when there were these giant lizards roaming the earth and this and that and now it's like well actually dinosaurs are I'm sorry alligators and crocodiles are dinosaurs they were a thing that would exist back then and kind of fit in and dinosaurs were really just giant flightless birds that whole

thing about the lizard skin and the Tyrannosaurus like look of it, they could very well have been feathered. They seem less mystical than they did before. Yeah, we don't know what fucking color those things are. Michael Crichton's a fucking liar. Steven Spielberg's worse. I don't like Steven Spielberg.

You know what? I find actors in general are not telling the truth. Well, they're telling somebody else's lies. I don't blame the actors. This guy isn't even the real Sherlock Holmes holmes jr and a hat that would be the funniest youtube channel to start up debunking films like film sins and it's just like now this right here scarlett johansson can't even actually do that she's not there's a subreddit for that it's called there's a subreddit called for exactly what you're describing it's called shitty movie details yeah yeah yeah it'll be like in 2019's avengers

tony tony stark didn't actually die he just pretended and then he'd be like oh acting they'll be like um in endgame the main character tony stark has the same name as he does in infinity war leaving a subtle nod to the fact that it's meant to be the same character yeah really shitty detail really shit that's a real one did you see this bluetooth speaker one it was a chiz topic um i've got it on my on my list of things yeah i'm gonna streamer i'm gonna relink it so that taylor yeah please do easily and maybe you this uh the title is bluetooth speaker blows up on streamer and for you guys watching in the bottom left is like a face cam this video delivers are you guys ready yeah man three two one play so observe the face cam

in the bottom left dude is he okay i don't know who cares i don't know that's just funny that's some funny stuff yeah for those of you who aren't watching this guy's like bluetooth speaker explodes right off of his shoulder like like right here next to him it makes a fireball about i did lose if you're not watching it was about this big like basketball size fireball next to his head and then he falls on the floor that's great yeah when i thought when i heard it blew up i thought it was like almost figure of speech blew up but no it really delivers there are some things that you can cheap out on um and you really won't get like a huge difference

you won't notice good examples are up i don't know cameras for example never had an issue with my eight dollar camera that i use, you're talking about your webcam? That's a little joke. It's like $150 or something. But, you know, I've never found a huge... $450 if you buy three of them. I've never found a big difference in speakers, personally. Like, I've had really expensive ones,

and they're all the same to me. Maybe I've just got a bad ear. But things that use those, like, ion batteries, it seems like if you get a poor quality one, can't explode on you. Like those vapes, like the big vaporizers, not like a Juul or something like that, but like the big daddy ones that we all kind of laugh at now, the big tanks and stuff. It seems like if you get some sort of Chinese knockoff of those, occasionally they'll explode in your goddamn pants. Chinese knockoff of those. Occasionally they'll explode in your goddamn pants. And it's no joke when those, what are they? Lithium ion batteries, I think. The way it works is like if those get a

dent in them, then you're like pushing the cells together and you're creating a connection between negative and positive. And it just starts fizzling out in there and gets hotter and hotter and hotter until things start melting and making more negative and positive stuff start rubbing together. And you get this chain reaction of fire and flame and pressure that's not that much different than a fucking plasma cutter going off in your pants. I'm glad that everybody has moved to the smaller ones now. Yeah. So you don't have to see the big clouds of things in public. ones now yeah so you don't have to see the big clouds of things in public but when you walk into a vape store the dude behind the counter his rig it looks like like he's filling up the whole place

with smoke and he's smoking out of the fucking stanley cup it's enormous and it's just like god like do you do you need that much i guess this is why you work here you're like oh no no health benefits but do i get as much nicotine juice as is why you work here. You're like, oh, no health benefits, but do I get as much nicotine juice as I can puff? And they're like, yeah, I guess you could just smoke cotton candy all day and talk to 16-year-olds in a creepy way as vape store employees are wanting to do.

Two years ago, there was a question about whether vaping was even bad for you. There was a question like, is nicotine even bad for you? Now it seems like every day i see something new about how awful it is yeah the fact that company loves to go after them yeah with their lies don't be into it san francisco got rid they i think it's san francisco they got rid of vaping in public that surprises me you can still smoke cigarettes in public though interesting i don't like that sure and there's can still smoke cigarettes in public, though. Interesting.

I'm pretty sure. And there's a lot of poop in public. Maybe go down the list. Did you see what they did with marijuana in New York City? No. They basically put it under the same law as smoking. You're not allowed to smoke cigarettes outdoors. So it's punishable by the same thing.

They decriminalized it. I want to say less than two ounces is a fifty dollar fine like they're punished quite a bit two ounces is like four hundred dollars three hundred dollars hypothetically what would two ounces be more than that uh yeah uh two ounces on street price. Like $800. $1,600 seized price in a news story. Yeah. It depends if you want vanilla lemonade or, you know, fucking Mermaid Supreme.

You know, all those made up strains. I saw all those when I went into the dispensary when I was in Colorado a few months back. And if they named them more serious things, I would take it more seriously. But when it's like blueberry yum yum versus dragon orgasm, it's like... I want wildly inappropriate things.

I want dragon orgasm. That sounds outstanding. Yeah, I want like a... This is Osama Bin Laden's beard. Ooh. That sounds dangerous musky yeah that's dank that's got to be the coolest job whatever like the wizard of weed is the guy who names all the strains he's just high as a kite like stream of thought spitting out ideas for for weed strains. I don't think that's actually someone's job.

It absolutely has to be. It would probably be the grower, right? Oh, I don't know. I imagine that they wait until a rap song comes out about the strain, and then they use whatever the rapper said. Right? I think it goes both ways. I think the rapper just, he's like,

oh, I could rhyme about Osama bin Laden's beard. Hell yeah, the Taliban weed. They should have like the dictator series where it's like Kim Jong-un, you know. Oh, I'd like that. Stalin, you know. Or serial killers.

Stalinberry Kush. I would like one named after serial killers. Like what? Bundy Blueberry. Yeah. Like there's still a fruit on it. Well, they all got to have fruit on them. Yeah, you got a little fruit at the end.

You got to let them know what it's going to taste like along with how hardcore it is because it murders children. Yeah. I'm really struck on a McVeigh something. McVeigh Moonlight. core it is because it murders children yeah i'm really struck on a mcveigh something mcveigh moonlight oh that's not a fruit at all no but it's like a ethereal sounding thing okay like that you know like potheads like that i don't know i don't know i haven't done market research on potheads oh we'll get on it we'll get back to you when we do you know who clearly

has done market research on potheads taco bell and jack in the box because all of their commercials are just dog whistling the fuck out of marijuana users where it's just that guy in a big hat sitting there with curly fries around on a couch with his friends just going and he's like hey guys when you're having fun wink wink i'm not a i'm not a giant mega corporation owned by an even bigger corporation wink i'm cool come to jack in the box when you're high like and it seems to work for them and they have sometimes like their snacky snack foods will be so absurd like have you had the cinnabon like balls from uh from taco bell no it's like a donut hole fill that's made of cinnabon and it's on the inside it's full of hot frosting. So you bite it, and it blows a load of frosting

right in your mouth immediately. I've had that, kind of. Yeah. Well, he's only had the blowing load part. Yeah, yeah. And then they made one that was the same thing, except it was Captain Crunch on the outside. They were like, let's take it to another level. Cinnabon? No, no, no, no.

Captain Crunch on the outside yeah yeah we're gonna keep the frosting of course we're keeping the frosting but it's just captain crunch was a criminally overrated cereal as a kid i never got cereal as a kid so i'd only get it when i go to friends houses and all the the talk up of captain crunch not that great what did you have for breakfast just omelets and i just didn't i never ate breakfast never ate no i still don omelets? I never ate breakfast. I still don't eat breakfast. We never had breakfast.

That's why he was eating all those other kids' lunches. Oh man, the pieces are falling into place. They kind of are. Taylor's just wolfing stuff down. I used to have a double lunch. I had my friend's lunch. I had a triple lunch. I bet my buddy had breakfast that's why yeah that's what happened yeah the best cereal is cinnamon toast

crunch that's the best cereal that there is it's like cookie crisp no no that's that's some white trash cereal right there oh no it's good it's good it leaves that film on my tongue only fat-headed dummies eat that, Taylor. You do get chocolate milk, though. See, one of the important things to me about cereal is after I eat the cereal, what kind of milk am I left with? Now, if you eat Corn Flakes, you're left with some milk you've got to pour out somewhere. You don't want corn milk.

Nobody does. Mmm, corn milk, delicious. You finish Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and you have cinnamon sugar milk afterwards that you just dude my parents would buy healthy cereals like total or raisin bran maybe and i would put so much sugar on that stuff that it was no longer a healthy cereal it was more sugary than the sugar cereals and the milk that's left over it's a milky sugar syrup yeah it's a paste almost it's not good nothing compares to to to to coca what was it cocoa puffs when it comes to the post milk experience that imparted a lot more chocolate flavor than even cookie crisp and the reason that kellogg's uh frosted flakes are not frost flakes just that the corn flakes are so bad is because like dr melvin kellogg was such a douche and a puritan that he

was like i'm gonna make this flavorless cereal also no nobody should masturbate yeah did you know that he like forayed from cereal into telling people not to beat off. There's a whole movie about that guy with Anthony Hopkins playing him. It's pretty good. He just bursts into 12-year-old's room. Stop that! So far, he's uncool guy of the week. Yeah, douche of the week is that guy. That's not cool.

Okay, okay. Telling people that not only can they not beat off, they have to eat cornflakes? Ugh. There's no way to make those up. At the time, there weren't a lot of options right you know like god knows what people were eating at that point for breakfast probably just like hammered out maple nuts or something like making mush out of seeds and stuff and chomping it down with barking act like this is thousands of years of years ago. The industrial revolution was in

full swing. Yeah, we had little kids running machinery, getting their nubs chopped off. The cornflake was a huge advance in breakfast technology. Maybe. Definitely. I'd have to know what came prior. Was he the first

cereal man? I don't know if he was the first cereal man, but he's certainly the most successful Mr. Total That didn't come till much Later and of course The famed pirate Captain Crunch Whose cereal has damaged

More gums than scurvy And piracy combined Captain Crunch gave up His life at sea to become a breakfast cereal entrepreneur. Did you ever see like that marketing thing where Lucky Charm...

Don't get me going on Count Chocula. That gentleman. Go ahead, Taylor. Did you ever see the... I remember as a kid seeing the Lucky Charm stuff where it would be like, oops, all marshmallows.

And I'd be like, like, mom, we got to go to the store. They're not going to make this mistake again there's no way they're just they're gonna be back to normal in a couple weeks they can't afford to do this promotion every so often on reddit some guy will buy like a ridiculous 30 pounds of just the cereal marshmallows and he has a bag that's like a garbage, a clear garbage bag full of this stuff. And I don't know.

It's pretty tempting. They're good, but they're not that good. Unless they're soaked in milk. The way they are, you could take a clover of those and you could use it as chalk on your driveway. You know what they're comparable to? That space ice cream. Dippin' Dots.

No, no, no. They'm talking about the warm room temperature. The stuff they support. I even have some downstairs. Oh, the freeze-dried stuff. Yeah. Okay. That stuff I actually kind of like. I kind of like it.

It's only good because you get to pretend that you're in space. Right? You might be alone on that one. Tell us more about your pretend space ice cream adventures. I just remember in like third grade, they had a guy come in who was just telling us about freeze dried food.

But in my head, the second he stepped through the door with those like silver containers, I'm like, Oh my God. And astronauts here. So this is the life of a retired spaceman. Fatter than I would have imagined. That's okay, I'm not one to judge.

Is he driving a Hyundai? His wife dropped him off here. I didn't know astronauts were one car family kind of people. He is away a lot, I guess. It makes sense. Do astronauts, they probably make a lot of money, right? I don't think they make a lot of money now. I think that's government employees.

I think they just like the job. $144,000 a year. Oh, that's quite good. No, starting salaries, over $66,000 a year. That is not enough for going to space. I think it's its own reward, though. Wouldn't you go if they were just offering tickets up? I would let other people storm that beach first,

make sure it goes smooth. All right, well, let's say they've stormed the beach, kind of like they've been doing for the last 60 years, and then they started offering up tickets that were like $800 to go into space for three days. Yeah, I'd give it a go, I bet. Yeah, $800, You'd be a fool not to, Kyle. Yeah, you're

losing money if you're not up there. Those Saudi princes and stuff, they pay to go up all the time. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. I imagine they do. You've imagined a lot of things. You imagine a world where we all have fish skin

And Saudi princes are floating around There was a paper about it I'm pretty sure you wrote that paper Yeah I wrote it for a two second bit And I got into pub med Taylor's out there Woody will never pronounce this shit Neovaginoplasty

He's going to be blown away Neovaginoplasty with fish skin. For the panel, this is a Patreon AMA question. If you don't know, we do this Patreon, and at one of the levels maybe $10, you can ask questions and influence the show. What made that weird kid weird at your school?

Oh, okay. Oh, and it says, Taylor, no bandit stories, poop or otherwise. No, this is not a poop bandit guy. This was a guy, I think I may have mentioned him in the past, but it was a long, long time ago. There was this kid who was really fat and really weird. He was a year under me, I think. Maybe he was in my grade and I just didn't realize.

A year under me, I think. And during lunchtime, he would obviously wolf all his food down within the first three to four minutes. And then he'd have 25 minutes left of lunch to do stuff and so he would like go like in the side of the lunchroom or it was like just not many tables being used or anything and so he wasn't in the way and he would do like slow motion like karate by himself over there and Let me paint the picture of this guy. He's about 5'8". No exaggeration. 2,000 pounds. None. He would wear, doesn't matter if it's

early April and it's hot as balls outside, he'd wear a big black trench coat, black baggy pants like those emo kind of pants with chains on them or maybe goth is better than emo and then some sort of invader Zim t-shirt and fingerless black gloves with also invader Zim on it.

And he would do fake karate by himself over there and do like all this, all this like weird little maneuvers and all always slow motion. And not always, every once in a while he bust into a combo and do that kind of thing. Shadow box. And this, this, uh, more Southern kid, motion and not always every once in a while he bust into a combo and do that kind of thing shadow box and this this uh more southern kid who went to our school once was just like uh he wasn't there for long but the first year he was there that kid was like doing his fucking thing and he was sitting talking to us he's like the fuck is that kid doing like he just pretends to be a karate man just ignore him he's

like no i'm gonna go ask him he went over there and we're like all right i'm i gotta follow josh over here to see what he does and he's like what are you what are you doing over here every day doing karate by yourself and the kid just is like, immediately clams up, gets embarrassed, shuts down. I don't even remember what he said to respond. I felt bad for him. Me. Did your friend go over to mock him? Was he aggressive?

Or was he just genuinely curious? Hey, weirdo! Yeah. Hey, goofball. What the fuck are you doing over here? What was the vibe that he brought to the question? Hey, goofball, what the fuck are you doing over here? What was the vibe that he brought to the question? The vibe was a mix of trying to get an answer and mocking, in a way.

And if the kid had come back with, like, I'm practicing to be a soldier for when XYZ happens, or I just love Invader Zim or something, I would have been like, okay, this kid's just weird. But he immediately clammed up and was so meek about it that I was like, aw, let's just let the kid do his karate. And that's all that happened.

We never bothered him again. And so every day we trained. Even now, every afternoon at lunch we all meet up down at the park and we do our kata. Because someday the overlord will come down and we must be prepared for it at some point that kid snapped on by being bullied by some kid in his own grade and they got into a fight i didn't see it though it was just something that got spread around the school

it was like during their gym period and they both got they both got suspended that's not the question who won oh uh it i think the way it was described to me and it was so long ago i'm trying to remember what i think it was so long ago the skinnier the skinnier kid like eight years was getting the upper edge on him and then the fat kid tackled him and threw all his training out the window went straight for attack that's the problem he's been training striking alone for so long his ground game was shit and then of course the teacher comes over and breaks it up yeah see i wanted to hear oh he had been training every day at lunch and we mocked him until the day the school shooter came and lenny the stinker walked up to him and used the five finger palm heart exploding technique on him and before and the man just dropped dead just dropped dead and we all saw the last four

beats of the heart yeah i've been throughout this whole story i've been trying to think of who the weird kid was at my at school and i'm really coming up kind of blank there was this one kid at school, and I'm really coming up kind of blank. There was this one kid named Anthony, and Anthony clearly had a rough home life. And so he was always sleepy when he'd get to school. It was clear he'd been up the entire night. This kid didn't have a bedtime, and so he was just staying up all night long, probably till three, four in the morning or something like that. And he'd always had these real dark circles under his his eyes and he would act out i suppose you would say and he would just like like in the entryway to the classroom he would lay there like so that if you wanted to come in like the door was going to hit him and you had to like step over him into the classroom he

would lay there and curl up terrible place why would place. Why would he choose that spot? I don't know. And he would do that thing that like I think the Three Stooges would do like where they get on their side and go whoop whoop whoop whoop and sort of run but they're lying on their side running. So they just sort of spin in place and he would just do that

and he would take the entryway carpet, which is filthy, right? There's no there's no shag on this thing it's just like industrial carpet clean it every summer twice that now they've cleaned this thing and he would get it and like roll himself up in it like a burrito and like just lay there and he would he would like moan and yell. Incomprehensible things. Peacock.

And the teacher knew how to handle it. She'd ignore that motherfucker. She was just like, she's like, don't look at him. Don't look at him. I'm like, well, that's clearly what you've chosen to do, teacher. She's just like, don't look at him. That's what he wants. That's what he wants. I remember we had that one day where like this is like this is early in

elementary school third no fourth grade i'd say i guess not that early i remember there was a time when like maybe the question was asked what is your favorite food um or what is like and maybe like we were writing it down. I think it was really a writing exercise just to get kids interested in writing or something like that. But I just remember, what are your favorite foods? And,

you know, everybody wrote what their favorite foods were. And, you know, I think mine was like hamburger steak and potatoes. And like his was hot dog and he misspelled hot dog. Man, that's a hot dog. And he misspelled hot dog. Man, that's a... Hot dog is a layup.

It's phonetic. I want to laugh at the guy. In like, I don't know, second grade, they asked me what my worst subject was and I put spilling. Nailed it! This is a kid who knows himself. Self-evaluation skills

off the charts. True or subject? Spilling. That's so funny. I thought it was funny. My mom was mad. She thought I didn't study hard enough. You added that.

That's hilarious. She didn't like it. If my kid brought that home, I would have been back in that. It's not like you did it on purpose. No, I didn't, but she didn't like it at all. She thought you'd done it on purpose,

like you were fucking an eight-year-old Ronnie Dangerfield or something. No, she accurately deduced it. I was really terrible at this subject and needed to put more effort into it. God damn it. That's how it went.

I hope your wife gives you lots of hugs. I'm like, what? Your moms didn't get mad at you for doing poorly in school? They must have if you did. Probably not. Taylor never did. Spelling was like, I loved spelling. Even now.

Because it just came natural. It was easy. At the end of every PKA, we do topics. And they're usually not real words, like Hofstetter. I'm like, Taylor, need a spell check on this. And he's great at it. He gets everything right. It's not a great thing to be good at, especially as an adult.

Nobody's impressed. Give me a word, any word, and then they give you a tough one. You're like, well, not that one. No, not that one from a medical textbook, asshole. I don't know that one. Yeah, can you spell, what the hell is it? Like fish neo-vaginally or something? Yeah.

I could do that because that's fantastic. Neo-vaginoplasty. Yeah. Any other weird kids you guys can think of? In high school, I wasn't near any weird kids. So what happened in my high school is they split the class in two. You self-selected. And one half was called college prep and the other half was called business.

But it really kind of meant not college bound and uh i was in college prep so all the kids maybe on like the autism spectrum or who might qualify for this question would probably be in the other one you know like they wouldn't be in college prep the weird kids now i feel bad like there was a girl who was gay she was out of the closet so she had to go to the nurse's office for gym class and she had a like short hair because she wouldn't change with the girls like they they didn't want her to change with her you know in the locker room let her change with them in you know i don't that had to be it because i think it was she wouldn't be like i don't want to see a bunch of hot girls naked better take me to the nurse's office with the hot nurse i girls the girls had been like no she can't change with us i think you're right but i also feel like she didn't fight it it was like

if the girls don't want me then i don't want to be there of course was it out of nowhere or did like the catcher playing clitor hero in the corner once in a while? I don't think there was any incident that spurned her. And she was in the girls' locker room, and then she got removed from it. Yeah, I like it, Taylor. And then there was another girl who was just too heavy. You know, you always mock the thyroid or whatever. But if a 14-year-old is 250 pounds overweight,

she may have some sort of medical thing that caused that. Or she likes Cap'n Crunch. Yeah. That's bullshit. They wouldn't let her do gym. No, they wouldn't let her do gym. She just can't change with the other girls. Okay.

And I can't take credit for Clitar Hero. I saw it on Twitter a long time ago, and it just came back to my mind. It's still a winner though. Yeah, it's a real good one. Yeah, I didn't have anything like that. There was an openly gay guy and you know, it was 2002.

So I'm not saying that I never did anything to the guy, alright? But you know, he'd walk out of a classroom or something like that and i just remember andrew just yelling see you later faggot and just being like god damn yeah that's a little harsh for o2 andrew what it's like now it's not 82 i used to do male monday and people would say hey I'm gay and my standard advice was like you know what I might bear that till after high school when you get to college you're not going to face

the kind of repercussions people will be more mature and cool about it and everything will be fine in high school you're subjecting yourself to a level of like teasing and abuse that you maybe it's worse than being in the closet yes I wonder and that was like what six seven years ago yeah i

wonder if right now that becomes the wrong advice if you can you know yeah i mean when you're when you're a teen especially a gay teen these are your prime years all right you can get some business done all right there's gonna be all kind of gym teachers janitors priests oh holy men oh they are repressed you know he's in high school that's too old you get one and and those guys have access to the the the tithe box all right the tithe box they they're loaded you see that they got wine i think nailed it yes yes they do they've got the sacrament back there all you need to do is show up at Pastor Rick's place around 9pm, and it's going to be Ritz crackers, wine,

and all the singles you can fit inside your pants. Nice. All the singles, yeah. I don't want to put that together for a second. I wonder what the cross-pollination is between singles you give to the church, and if those have been used to snort cocaine and give to hookers in the past. Oh, huge cross-pollination is between singles you give to the church and if those have been used to snort cocaine

and give to hookers in the past. Oh, huge cross-pollination. Probably 100%, right? I've read that thing about when they test $1 bills, the huge percentage of them that have cocaine on them. That's why I always lick mine. I never understood. How are they...

Who's putting cocaine on all the bills? They're snorting with the money. They turn it into a small tube. No, I know that, but people do enough cocaine that every $1 bill, for the most part, out there... You don't do any cocaine, Taylor? Jesus. Live a little.

Once you've done cocaine with one of them, you're not going to throw the money away, right? You're going to unroll it, and you're going to put it back in your pocket with the rest of your cash. And it's going to cross pollinate the rest of your money. And then there are really seedy places where lots of cash gets mixed together like strip clubs, lots of strippers do cocaine.

So, so they're taking, they've got a huge pile of ones. Each of them does. And then they take one of them, do a little cocaine right into the big pile of the other ones. Everything's getting cross-pollinated. So the end result is 60 or 70% of singles have coke on them.

Okay. All right, you convinced me entirely. Yeah. I wonder if they have other drugs on dollar bills that the government doesn't want us to know. A lot of poop. A lot of poop on there, too. See, I'm not even turned off by when they're like,

oh, we tested a mcdonald's touch screen and feces showed up it's like yeah i bet if you touched one wall in your house feces is going to show up like it like poop like little poop particles are everywhere in the world especially in public probably not your house that's a bad example but like anywhere in your house yeah maybe not my house but everybody else house. Here's a little tip that I can give to everyone that I do without fail. Anytime I open... I can predict it. No?

Close the toilet lid before you flush? No, I don't believe that. Let it fly. So whenever I open a door, whenever there's like the kind you grab and turn down and pull or the kind that just has like the big loop, like at a gas station, you grab and open the door. I use one finger and I get the most bottom most corner of the thing, like way down where no one else would touch it. And I always do that. I never grab that thing like, like right in the prime grabbing spot. And I think it keeps me from getting sick.

I'm not touching that nastiest part, the most used part of that door. What if it's not developing your immune system? What if you should take a big lick on that thing every so often just to prime the pump? I have a similar thing to Kyle's thing. I don't wash my hands after pooping. And I also only open from the bottom.

So you've been negated. I flush with the lid up. Don't wash my hands after pooping and pick my nose a lot. Get on my level. And I'll also say, I've never done the whole black light in a hotel thing. I know you did that bit, Woody, when you were staying in a hotel and we didn't find anything interesting. Or if we did, it very very small like have kyle have you ever done that in a hotel room and found significant results i've done it in my room and found significant results oh well i mean you'd go on any of our mattresses you're gonna you're gonna

you know find sometimes maybe like you're having sex and like's time to finish. And you're like, ah, this has got to go somewhere. And I guess I had blasted the wall at one point, trying to get off the girl. And she's like, no, no, not on me. And I was just like, ah, it's going somewhere. It's like that scene from the old Batman TV show where he's running with the bomb over his head. This has got to go somewhere right now!

And I guess I had just blown a load on the wall and just forgotten about it. Because after you come, it's just like, well, all right, it's bedtime now. And I was just like, and I was like, oh God, it looks like the Slimer from Ghostbusters went through this wall and left the room or something. I don't mean to go full wings

here, but it sounds like you dated a cum dodger. Unacceptable behavior. That is. I don't care for that. How did she think this was going to end? Well, I want to say the scenario in that case was that we were dressed up to go somewhere, and

so she was in a full dress with her makeup done, and we had just sort of pulled the to go somewhere and so she was in a full dress with her makeup done and we had to sort of pull the dress up and so she was not and come catching attire so that that was the issue you do have to dress the part naked hazmat suit your choice yeah yeah no hazmat suit didn't have the saran wrap out so not couldn't be it was either a 4chan post or a reddit post or something like that like from years ago where not the not the cum box which everybody knows about oh god revolting uh there was this one guy who was posting like yeah ever since i was 13 and i'm 18 now or 19 now or

something when i come i just roll onto my left side and come onto the wall right next to my bed and he shared a picture of it after like six years and he's like i he's like i jack off one to four times a day and it was just it basically was it was like just like like a half inch to an inch of of growth had happened over the years in like dripping formation with of course like outliers here and there where you got a little feisty, but mostly just a pad of dried semen. And I just wanted to be like, do your parents ever come into your roots? Your parents love you because if they did,

they wouldn't let that fly. Like everybody knows what that is. The smell keeps them out. You know, it has to smell. Cause it's like, it's, it's,

it's organic matter. Like, like, like it's no different than like pouring a little milk over there on the wall every day. Like, like, like it's, it's like it's it's it's organic matter like like like it's no different than like pouring a little milk over there on the wall every day like like like it's it's it's those are it's there are cells in there that's that's that's people it's made of people people and you're just blowing it on the wall and leaving it there to literally rot. I want to grab one of those scrapers that they use on the hibachi grills and just do a perfect slice of it off there. Have you ever seen them get honey off of a honeycomb?

Exactly. And then I want to grill it. Oh, why would you do that? Why would you ruin a nice grill? I want to know what it smells like. I want to know what it smells like when you grill it. It's going to smell like hot cum. That is a good theory. What if it smells like when you grill it. It's going to smell like hot cum. That is a good theory.

What if it smells like bacon, though? It's just sizzling nicely in there. Well, I was going to say, like, no, Kyle, it's not salty, but actually. Actually, it is. Oh, that's my newest food thing, by the way. I just ordered. Taylor smells slightly of asparagus. Right now, probably.

Duck fat. I just got myself a couple of big jars Of duck fat And I'm going to make my super fancy french fries In a few days I've got an apple corer You ever see an apple corer Well you take that And it's very wasteful to make french fries in this way

But I don't care You take the potato and you take the apple corer go straight through it one french fry throw the whole potato away you just want the core of the potato right a whole bag of potatoes is eight dollars all right it's just like the rest the potato is the same all the way through is it's about shape and consistency now you have this perfect cylinder of potato. All right? And so I'm going to, and you fry those in duck fat in a double fry sort of manner. I'm very excited.

I don't know what double fry means. What kind of potatoes are you using? Russet. Okay. So do you fry it and then cool it and fry it again? What is double frying? Yeah, so that's how you're supposed to make French fries. You cook them once for about three minutes at

325 degrees and then you take them out, you raise the oil up to like 425 degrees or something and then you cook them again for about seven minutes and that way you get perfect French fries. They're crispy on the outside, fluffy on the

inside. It's a double fry method. Are you going long ways with your core through the potato yeah imagine how wasteful it'd be if you went the short way can you make it worse i just can't believe you're not using more of the potato i know you're not actually just getting one fry from it because that's no why do you think that that part's not true because it's absurd what's the the middle part of a potato is so homogenous like you can go into any part of that and grab some more right but it's it's a it's an apple core it's like the size of a quarter and it's going right through the middle of the potato potato is the exact same shape and virtually the same size then one cooking style makes every fry the same whereas if you have like little ones and big ones little ones get burnt big ones get under

cooked i see where kyle's going with this yeah are they all so your fries are like the diameter of a quarter yeah like a nickel yeah it's an use the apple core that like makes them like perfect so i like those nice meaty like a cigar like each of them is like a cigar and uh i haven't done it yet like this is coming i got my apple core in there i got my duck fat text us a picture when you do it i'd like to see this i absolutely will it's gonna be a while for my stomach to settle down after that nightmare of last night i do not i do not feel well even now that was just awful i hadn't had food poisoning in years and years because like i'm usually i'm more careful about what i eat and like where i order from like like because there

was this really bad spell when i was traveling maybe six or seven years ago where i got food poisoning like three times in five months and like it was just it's awful it's so it feels like you're dying and it just i hate vomiting i hate vomiting so much and you finish vomiting and you think you're good now because you feel 100 you feel well and then 45 minutes to an hour later it's like oh no it's time to go again i feel incredibly nauseous and sick to my stomach again and it's just this bitter bile and like all the muscles in my neck and stomach are like by the fourth or fifth vomit trip. Now the muscles are all cramping and pinching.

So that like, like, like the tendon that like runs down your neck is like feeling like it's going to explode. So I'm having to vomit with my shoulder against my, my face so that I'm not like straining it. You need to dry heave to get in good vomit shape, Kyle.

Yeah. I don't do enough dry heaving on a daily basis to get those puke muscles really going. Maybe take a bulimia to train myself. That's core exercise. Yes. Oh my God, I feel like shit. Yeah, no good, no good.

Won't do that again. Never ordering from that fucking place again and certainly never ordering their fish sandwich again. I have a feeling he might order something there. MMA question for Kyle and then maybe an ad? Yes. I hope you're going to ask about the bare knuckle thing. No.

Or the Jon Jones thing. ESPY's MMA Fighter of the Year nominations. We have Israel Adesanya. Nope. Amanda Nunes. She could be one. Daniel Cormier. Nope.

I knew you'd say that. Henry Cejudo. Henry Cejudo would win. Amanda Nunes would be second. But no, Daniel Cormier hasn't done anything. He ran away from his main belt because he couldn't keep his weight in check, and he took heavyweight. And heavyweight is probably the least competitive weight class.

It definitely is. And it's the easiest to sort of run the table in. Well, what's weird is that the guy that he beat had the record for title defenses, and I think that record was three. There you go. No one had ever defended that belt four times, ever, in the history of the UFC. So to say it's the

least competitive, there's something to that. It seems like you can win four fights and be a contender. Whereas since some of the other like, freaking took Khabib 27 fights, you know, at 155. Ferguson's a dozen fights into a win streak and

can't get a title shot. Cormier has one belt at heavyweight. What is his major accomplishment? Who has he beaten that's so incredible? Who has Jones beaten lately that's so incredible? Gustafson? Also, Cormier beat him. I mean, well,

Jones beat him twice. I mean, we're going to do that. And he beat him most recently. And Jones has fought three times. This will be his third time this year. I think that... Who's that heavy...

Rumble Johnson is a pretty impressive win that Cormier had. Stipe is a pretty impressive win. Stipe is a good win. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But I don't think he belongs in the same class as Amanda Nunez or Henry Cejudo when we're talking about MMA fighter of the year or whatever

their accomplishments are pound for pound number one, champ champ their accomplishments are insane what are you saying about Cormier? I don't think he's pound for pound number one at all I think he was well if he is that's stupid because like i think somebody doesn't know what pound for pound means if we're talking about because he's the he can't he would have to be on

an order of magnitude better than everybody else to be that fat but also to be the pound for pound champion like it makes so much more sense for somebody like sahudo to be because he only weighs 125 pounds but he's done everything he does. But meanwhile, Cormier is 255 pounds. I just looked up ESPNs. They haven't met number two. They put Jon Jones at number one. Oh, those liars.

Okay. Dana's trying to get Jon Jones' one loss taken back. I saw that. Yeah. What do you think of that? I know you like Jon Jones. Look, no matter who it was, whether it's somebody I like, like Jon Jones, or it's somebody I absolutely despise,

if it were Jermaine Durandamy, which is probably my most hated MMA fighter, if she had that same type of loss on her record i i would be like yeah that's bullshit she was dominating that fight and then she dropped a 12 to 6 elbow on the guy's face she could have hit him with anything he was laying there bloody and beaten and then you're just gonna take the fight away from him no no john jones was fighting matt hamill and and uh he had i think that maybe mount or something but it's something oh yeah very superior position and he could have hit him with anything he wanted fists elbows etc

but he hit him with elbows in the direction you're not allowed to hit him and they call it a loss for him a disqualification and that's his only loss he was about to win that fight he was clearly the better fighter but he lost the argument could be made there's a lot of ways to lose a fight and one of them is illegal blows so that's the thing you know if he had full dominating position and decide to poke him in the eyes repeatedly then you might say well there's a lot of ways to lose a fight and one of them is illegal blows if he decided to bite him then you could say, well, there's a lot of ways to lose a fight, and one of them is illegal blows. If you decided to bite him, then you could say... Yeah, but we know the difference.

The 12-6 thing is nonsense. It's bullshit. It's a stupid rule. It's a bad rule. Nobody is speaking out and saying, come on, man. Eye pokes never hurt anybody. There's a reason you don't use eye pokes in combat, because they're not effective. Wait a minute. Every time I've ever seen somebody get poked in the eye it basically

ended the fight they always lose afterwards they're like all right i could 80 see i don't want to win like this so they lose like that it happens all the time yeah yeah groin strikes biting all that stuff like like but 12 to 6 elbows it's nonsense it's nonsense like it's just nonsense. And so even if it weren't Jon Jones, I would say, yeah, make that a no contest. Make that a no contest. That's silly. I could see that.

Yeah, yeah. Why can't Dana White just do what he wants? Oh, there's an athletic commission involved. Because he's not an athletic commission. Yeah. He can, I think, with belts. There are some times where athletic commissions decide whether or not a belt is up. Like in the WEC, when Chael Sonnen was fighting for a world championship, he was the contender and there was a champion that he was fighting against.

The champion didn't make weight. Chael won, even though the champion was too big. Chael did not win the belt. And the guy was cool about it. I not win the belt and and the guy was cool about it he's like i think he literally mailed him the belt like he has it but he never became a champion because his because the champion missed weight a very interesting thing it's super fast nowadays when that happens dana makes decisions he says all right there's a belt at stake you know pettis missed weight if he, he doesn't get the belt.

Holloway did make weight. If he wins, he gets the belt. That's how we're doing it, and it's fair and it's right. Anyway, Kyle, you were about to say something. A very interesting thing happened this week. So, Paulie Malignaghi. I can't pronounce the man's last name. Paulie Malignaghi. Let's not nudge it.

Yeah. Two-time boxing world champion. He kind of came to our eyes and our attention a while back when Conor McGregor was training to fight Floyd Mayweather. And he was bringing in boxers to train with. And he brought in this Pauly guy. And a big controversy came up because it came to light that Conor had basically knocked Pauly out in training.

And Pauly was like, no, no, no, bullshit, bullshit. That didn't happen. And Conor's like, well, I wasn't the one who came out with this or anything, but it's not bullshit. You know, it happened. And he's like, no, no, no, bullshit. And then this video got leaked of Pauly getting hit hard and kind of knocked down. And then that really added a little bit of fire to the whole,

wow, maybe Conor really can take Floyd. It seems like he just KO'd a world champion in practice. And so that went on. Conor did his thing with Floyd and everything. Well, in recent times, Paul has always been trying to pick at Conor McGregor and get a fight with him, a boxing fight. And Conor doesn't want any part of that because that's not going to be a big moneymaker for him. The way a nate diaz trilogy or another shot at floyd mayweather certainly

connor against the guys whose name we can't pronounce there you go well there's this new thing taylor called bare knuckle boxing which in my opinion is kind of a low class sport it's a blood sport i i'm not gonna i'm not gonna shit on too much because that's what people used to say about mixed martial arts i give it two thumbs up personally yeah i think it sounds really cool i have a hard time watching it personally it's a little bit too much blood for me and it's not blood for i feel like it's blood from scratches and cuts that are created by the wrapping on their hands like they're almost like cutting each other rather they look like casts if you've ever had a broken arm they show up with two goddamn casts and call it bare knuckle boxing wrapped up hard and and and so i i don't care for it

personally however big fight was coming up between artem lobov who's like a 500 mixed martial arts guy friend of conor mcgregor's good friend and training partner and training partner he's won like half of his fights and he got cut from the UFC. A middling, you would say by definition, mixed martial arts fighter. He's going to fight Pauly, the two-time world boxing champion in bare-knuckle boxing. Artem wins.

Artem wins a decision and... Wait, was it a draw and a majority decision? Yeah, unanimous decision. Beat him. Three rounds to two, I want to say. Wait, was it a draw and a majority decision? Was it? Okay. Yeah, unanimous decision. Beat him. Three rounds to two, I want to say.

I could have the rounds a little wrong. So the professional bare knuckle guy won. The professional mixed martial artist beat the boxer at bare knuckle boxing, which is essentially still boxing. And so it's brought a lot of people. Chael Sonnen had a whole thing about it. Chael Sonnen had a whole thing about it. And then someone else had a whole thing about it. Maybe Joe Rogan about the legitimacy of boxing, even as a sport,

after seeing what Conor McGregor did to Floyd Mayweather and what has happened now between Pauly and Artem Lobov. They're going back to the old days of mixed martial arts when all of a sudden the Tai Chi guys didn't want to come to MMA. I wonder why. Well, it's because they've got a fake sport. They've just got a money-making venture. They run gyms to make money.

It's not a real combat sport. And they're basically kind of throwing boxing into the same, painting boxing with the same brushes, things like Tai Chi and saying like, look, these guys are not boxers. He said, he said, try it. Chael said this. He was like, I guarantee you, you take a two-time world champion Olympic wrestler and you throw a 15 and 15 MMA guy at him and it's not going to be close. He's not going to win a round. He's not going to get a point. It's going to be a, it's going to be a slaughter at wrestling. He's going to destroy him at wrestling because he is a world champion wrestler. However, it seems like you take a world champion boxer and you throw it in an MMA guy and he could lose.

In fact, he did lose. I found it really interesting. It is interesting, but I don't know that we've painted the whole picture accurately because bare knuckle boxing is very much like MMA hands, right? Striking MMA would include legs and stuff. But the hands, the wraps that they put on are not too far from four ounce gloves. And that changes the defense entirely. When you've got these big hand pillows on, then if you punch my boxing glove into the side of my head, I'm pretty much not hurt, right? There's a big defense. If you punch my bare knuckle into my own face, well, I've got a problem now. That's awful. You can't defend in the same way

so you could make an argument that the mma guy has more experience with this kind of boxing than the boxer guy has because he's so dependent on having these big hand pillows for defense you could but i haven't seen anyone else do that i think i thought it was very interesting i i was happy to see paulie lose there's this there's this like screenshot or this photo of paulie reacting when they raise artem lobov's hand and he's like he's just because because he was talking so much shit before this thing about how he was gonna like destroy artem and how it wasn't even gonna be close and how badly he was gonna beat artem and how how how much he was gonna mess him up and artem is artem's this russian guy and he's like no no i i'm going to win yeah i thought artem won the eye test you know like oh yeah yeah like

it it's not always a good indicator but you watch the two guys with their shirt off at the weigh-in and it's like damn are they in the same weight class artem looks oh i thought you're gonna say the the the the post fight eye test, like just looking at the damage done. Paulie, of course, just full of shit. He's like, look at me. I got dusted up a little, but it was mostly he just touched me a little here and there. He's got the Grand Canyon running across his face, meanwhile. It's like this guy definitely has to go see a plastic surgeon now,

and Artem's just bruised. He's bruised, and you can tell they've just taken neosport and rubbed it everywhere because his whole face is just a mash of little scratches and cuts it must be very painful I I would of all the combat sports that exist that would be the last one I would want to be part of yeah oh this is the boxing community kind of pick bare knuckle boxing community kind of pissed about it bare knuckle boxing um you know how they are well you don't know

I don't know they'll always minimize and protect like what they consider to be the sweet science you know the sweet science yeah

they'll make excuses they'll make excuses no matter what um and uh no matter what every time I mean

it's pretty corrupt sport as well like if you go back to the Conor Mayweather fight, some of those judges didn't have Conor winning a single round. Which was crazy because some of the early rounds he did win. Not even close, yeah. It was like, I'm just making up numbers, but let's fit 40 strikes to 20 strikes or something like that.

It was like Conor's touching him up. Yeah. A lot of people look at that as Mayweather's strategy. He was letting Conor exhaust himself because Conor does that at every fight. If you take him past two or three rounds, the guy's ruined. That's what happened in the Mayweather fight.

Sure. A point would be that Conor's a complete amateur in the sport. Amateur fights are three rounds. Yeah. Conor's a great fighter. Just not as good at boxing as Mayweather. He's not as good at boxing as Mayweather, but he's pretty

close. He went in there and he didn't get outclassed. Think of something that you're really good at. I would say paramotoring. If you and me go paramotoring tomorrow and you just strap me into a rig next to you and we go at it. And you're 80% as good, that's not a win for me.

If I'm 80% as good as you, if I don't crash or have any stalls, if I can take off and land and go where I want to go, everybody would look at Woody like, you know, he's been talking about this shit for years. I don't even talk about it. Kyle went out there and look he didn't do any loop-de-loops or barrel rolls but god damn it he took off he landed and he had a good time he kicked his feet from up there i'm starting to think this whole thing is made up it's not even a real sport that would be the reaction yeah that's not what would happen i would fall on my ass i would i would be like fuck this is heavy you run around with this all the time and you'd be like yeah see you later faggot and you take off and leave me

behind like i'd be lucky if i could even get the thing to like go floof behind me i could never take off the like without without training yeah it'd take you four or five days training you'd be able to take off maybe that's very kind of you to say but what's more likely is i'd fall and bust my ass hurt myself and damage ten thousand dollars worth of machinery because you're good at that that's what you do and it's not at all what i do it's not in my wheelhouse like like something that what are you good at taylor what do you think you're best at oh jesus kettlebells and sarcasm yeah i mean you're best at? Oh, Jesus. Kettlebells. Kettlebells and sarcasm. Yeah.

I mean, you're probably pretty fucking good at hockey. Not bad. Let's just use hockey. I'm very good at hockey. If me and you go out to play some hockey, hockey's considered a sport, obviously, because it is a real fucking sport. They play in the Olympics, all right?

It's a sport. But if I strapped on some skates, and you and I went out, and we took turns, you as goalie one round, and me just running up and hitting slap shots at you, and then we swapped places, and I get in eight out of ten shots on you,

and I stop eight out of ten of your shots, people would be like, well, what the fuck? Dude, I would hang myself in the locker room shower. Exactly. And so when people are like... It's an appropriate reaction. And going into it, you wouldn't be like,

I don't know, Kyle's roller skated before. I think he might tire out quickly, though, so I'm going to let him get a few in when it's his turn to slap. It's notoriously easy to shoot hockey pucks. You'd be like, I'm the best at this compared to him like like this i'm i'm b league or whatever he's no league i'm not taking it easy i'm going hard in the paint it's he's gonna have zero points this is not a hate hate no hate speech sorry he's gonna have zero points and i'm gonna have 10 and i'll have 50 if i want them god damn it because i'm good at this and he's not.

And so that's how I look at things like that. When you put it like this, it does make it seem like Mayweather should have been... He probably wasn't embarrassed at all. But he should have been kind of embarrassed at that showing. Because I watched that fight like two years ago or whenever it happened at a friend's house. And my first takeaway was, oh my god. I didn't realize how much I appreciated the action-packed aspect of UFC until I watched his boxing.

Because he was just shrugging away and just shoulder in front of his mouth. The Philadelphia shoulder. Yeah, that was really boring. But yeah, you really articulated that well. He should have been embarrassed that Conor kind of made him look like an ass at least a few times me and you go to play some pub g tomorrow 1v1 on mouse and keyboard and you kill me once i'm smashing my goddamn keyboard i got no excuses i got thousands of hours of practice at this it's what i do almost every other night for fun with my friends five hours at a time you can't even walk i have a PUBG question for you Kyle sure so I play games lately I don't know a couple hours a

week but it's mostly PvE so I don't like have to dial in the kind of accuracy that like a PUBG player would if we went 1v1 15 kills if it were COD I think I'd get five because it kind of goes like that there's a lot of ties sometimes the better player doesn't win every time pub g how's that go do you get to practice and learn the meta no you wouldn't get a kill not one kill okay no probably not um like a like if we started out i'm just imagining like a scenario where we start out like in sort of a circle that's sort of medium size we'd both know kind of we're in this town and we both start out with whatever weapons we want like maybe i i would want like an m4 and a sniper rifle um i don't think you get me because like i know the meta and like how to heal correctly

and the footsteps and all that stuff and i know like how many shots it takes to kill and i would wound you a little and i would i would wait till you tried to heal and you would be a little slow on you'd be like oh do i bandage or do i first aid or do i drink a soda or do i eat some pills or do i shoot the syringe i don't and it would go i played it's the best cod players in the world right and by that i mean like literally the best COD players in the world, right? And by that, I mean literally the best. Not YouTubers, but like optic players and envious players. On shipment, 1v1, I'd lose 15 to 5. You know?

Yeah. Because sometimes the best player doesn't win every time. I was wondering what PUBG was like. Yeah, it's harder. There's leaning. There's a lot of recoil control. You're dragging your mouse a certain way to deal with recoil and dialing in the sensitivity on that stuff.

Knowing the bullet velocities for sniping and stuff. Knowing how high to aim over their head and stuff is kind of a skill that you get over time. Leading shots when they're running is a skill you get over time. I don't know. I don't know how many hours i've got i could look real quick i think it's over 2 000 let's see that seems really high is it that high but it counts up even if you you aren't playing right no that's how people like back in the day they're like man taylor's played

3 000 hours of boar hammer 2 and it's like well well, I just don't turn it off. Yeah, I've got 1,500 hours on the main game. And then I think like 200 more on the test server. It can count when you... I don't know what yours are. Maybe you turn it off. But like Hope used to leave her Civ on when she was away. And she had like hundreds and hundreds of hours

of Civilization experience that she didn't really have. That's a game I'd like to jump back into and try it again. I actually do have about 1,700 hours because it's just in-game time. Because if it were anything else, I'd have some ungodly amount. How much do you have in Rust? Rust

is probably going to be up there too. A lot of guys who play Rust who are good players have 5,000-6,000 hours. Rust YouTubers are the best gaming YouTubers in the world they're blowing me away i discover new ones and they're just great storytelling i prefer i've never even played rust and you look at the comments and again and again and again it's like i don't even play this game but youtube thinks i like it and i kind of do and yeah i've got 872 hours of rust um and just i would say i'm a b level player i like it's it's it's i love watching youtube tutorials for things that i'll never do

just thinking like yeah i could i could probably do that i could probably figure that out and then just not like oh so this guy builds his own porch and it's like he's got like a big like fireplace and like nice ass stuff and it's like yeah neat i'll do that someday and then you forget about it because then you're like ah well maybe i'll take up 18th century cooking instead colin and i built the deck for the stable it turned out okay nice wasn't a complicated one it's it's really good it's solid it's still there a concrete one? No, like a wooden deck. I used to do these day in the life videos.

It's scattered throughout them somewhere. You would like... Oh, go on. Sure. You would like this game Codenames that we've been playing, Taylor. It's kind of hard to explain what's going on. It's similar to... What's that game? Maybe it's called of hard to explain what's going on. It's similar to, um, what's that game?

Maybe it's called password. Oh yeah. I've played password before. It's kind of like password. There's a whole, there, there's a, there's a different dynamic to it.

So there's a board that has a bunch of words scattered all over it, like maybe 30 or 30 words. And each of them is on a square. There's a red team and a blue team, and each team has a guy who gives clues and a guy or two who tries to decipher things. So the guy who's giving clues, he can see what color all the cards are, but nobody else can. He's trying to get all the blue cards because he's blue team.

The other guy's trying to get all the red cards, and there blue team. The other guy's trying to get all the red cards. And there's a whammy card that just makes you lose the game. Each of them has a word on them. So like there'll be words like bird, stork, sky, milk, moon. And you put up a clue that's like flies. And then the number two, because you want them to say bird and stork. Yeah. But if stork were their word,

you couldn't do that because your teammates would guess their words. You have to pick out clue words that clue them in on just your words and as many of them as possible with a single word clue without them hitting the whammy word or giving the other team their words. That sounds like a lot of fun. I like games like that. It's very challenging on a vocabulary level,

and it's also very challenging on a sort of putting the pieces together and working out the way someone else might be thinking to kind of make this stuff work. Last night, the work there were there were my teammate piggy pickbert his clue was water and i'm like okay well there's tower that's one of the words water tower clue that went in no i'm like what you fucked us why would you give water as a clue if water tower isn't one of our words wait a minute wait a goddamn minute you said there's only three water words there's ice sink snowman pipe tower i'm like there's there's there's like six or seven words that

could be water you fucked us you it's it's a lot of fun though we had a good time last night it's on um tabletop simulator which is this like 15 steam game that lets you do all kinds of fucking games like we we were doing um trivial pursuit most recently uh had a really good time playing trivial pursuit but again i get really upset because like my my question will be like the guy next to me it's like name all the states that end in ia like like like california india ia you know and if you take a few minutes you come up with i think there's seven off the top of my head i i don't remember exactly but you come up with them how many members were there in the Lord of the Rings trilogy? And I'm like,

well, I'm going to get this right. I'm not fucking this. Mary Pippin, Frodo, Gandalf, Eric Horn. And I'm going through,

I'm getting them all down. Then it'll get to me and it'll be like some obscure fucking nonsense. It'll be like this Southwestern asian country unified in 1990 what uh thailand i don't know exactly yeah exactly i still don't know the answer yeah it's it's really like the difficulty level shifts from like if it were Jeopardy from like $100 to $1,000 randomly with no discernible difference in like what you get from it. It's just sometimes you get a genius level question. Sometimes you get what's the tallest mountain in the world? What?

What? Who? That was literally one guy's question. He gets what's the tallest mountain in the world? And then it's my turn. Who invented the printing press? Benjamin Franklin? Now, I know.

No. Now, I know who invented the printing press, but that's not the point. That's a hard fucking question. Who invented the printing press? Johannes Gutenberg. Oh. Okay. That's fifth grade knowledge.

Taylor, did you know it? No. No, I didn't know it. i'd be lying if i said i knew and like different people have like different areas of like expertise or random trivial knowledge it is called trivial pursuit i'm not gonna hang my head on johannes gutenberg or anything who created the gutenberg bible of course but of course but it was just nonsense that one made me mad but i think this uh this newest game the code names game it may be even more infuriating because i don't get mad at the game i get mad at my teammates because they either don't get my clues or they give me bad clues at least that's the way i see it you know because i'm i'm me a lot of screaming a lot of screaming

there's an hour and a half we played for an hour and a half last night and some feelings were hurt. There was a lot of screaming. I was like, you're the second dumbest person here. Why don't you pipe down? Sorry, baby.

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It's immediate savings. So go now. Go on over to Dave.com slash painkiller. Spelled D-A-V-E. Dave. I looked up printing press facts while Kyle was doing the ads. Kyle was right. Johannes Gutenberg did invent it.

Benjamin Franklin had a printing press, but as hard as I can try, I don't see any way that he advanced the state of the art or anything. He just had a newspaper. I believe that his thing was like maybe the first newspaper in the United States or, or, or it was that his newspaper was so, so important to,

to the revolution. That, well, yeah. So his brother had the first newspaper, James Franklin. I just learned that. And Ben took the inspiration from Boston to Philadelphia and became the most successful printer and businessman.

Poor James Franklin. Yeah, right? Nobody knows. I didn't know he had a brother. I didn't know he had a brother either. James Franklin. Does he look just as silly? Let's look up. Benjamin Franklin was had a brother either. James Franklin. Does he look just as silly? Let's look up.

Benjamin Franklin was a real cool guy. James Franklin. He gets totally pushed out because he's also an American football coach and former player. So nobody knows who James Franklin is. Poor James. Wow. I did a search here. There are no

pictures of James Franklin, the founding father. I don't know if you can call him that, but probably not. I don't think he made the cut. No, I don't think he... He didn't want to get mixed up in all that nonsense with his wild brother Ben. You know who the smartest fella in the room was? John Hancock. False. Big ol' sign. Make sure everybody's gonna remember. See,cock made a could have made a huge mistake what if because he's the first guy to sign the declaration of independence what

if as soon as he signed it they went aha we knew john was a traitor get him and they all just drug him out fucking hung him right there he's like i thought we were all in on this at that point they'd be like honestly you guys got me this was the longest we've been planning this for years like god damn it you went through a whole continental congress just to rope me in we've been arguing during the summer months and there's no air conditioning during this time jefferson those federalist papers meant nothing gotcha pranked bro now hang him high You've been spoofed I wonder what pranks were like Back in colonial times

I think it was like putting ink in people's tea And that sort of thing So we're just going based on the Patriot Exactly That's where I get all of my colonial knowledge From Heath Ledger and Mel Gibson's classic Patriot That's a great movie.

When he fucking starts running across that battlefield with that American flag, and all the soldiers see that Mel Gibson's not retreating, he's running headlong into the British with an American flag about... It looks

like you could put it in front of a Tanger outlet and it would it would be so goddamn big and he's just running with that thing and they're all just like hey hey wait wait ah you can just you can just hear proud to be in america where at least and they're all they all start running back to the battlefield and then then he gets fucking... What's his name? I can't think of the actor's name. But he was Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies. And he fucking

kills Lucius Malfoy with that broken shard of the American flagpole. Oh! That's a good scene. He got him with the bayonet. I remember we watched that in school. He said, my sons were better

men and he's you know he has got a one-liner of course and then he stabs him in the throat i remember watching that in school and them being like now guys this is very gory so we're watching the safe version oh all that it did all the same scenes all the violence everything was in there except all the blood was mud colored and so he's in the middle of the river going hacking that guy to death and it's still splattering up at his face but it's just brown and black and everybody's just taking us out of it we know what's going on you see a guy's leg get blown off by a fucking cannonball and just it's just brown blood it's just yeah this is not appropriate for fifth grade that's such a

badass scene when when they go hunt down that british convoy or whatever and he's got the fucking tomahawk in one hand and the blade in the other and fucking just just just go slicing his way through like eight red coats as they try to bayonet him and then he gets that last one he's like he just tries to run away he fucking tomahawks him in the back ah it's great mel gibson can make a fucking movie what war did the british finally realize like hi gov you know wearing red probably not the brightest thing no we're sticking with it the queen loves it I think they were still wearing that shit in 1812. But you know what I mean?

They were still wearing that shit during the Zulu conflict. When was that? Were they? Like early... Like late 1800s? Very late. Like 1898 or something like that. British versus Zulu. I wonder if they'll talk about America that way. Like, they still had big heavy armor

during the, you know, light, agile attack period of war. They might. They would say, like, we just put up a flag in the middle of the desert and they'd spend, get this, $100 million to knock it down. We stuck one on every jungle gym, those stupid fucks.

Man, I did not realize there was such a big battle between the British and the Zulu. You've never seen the movie Zulu? No, but I saw it on Hulu. Taylor. Alright, so don't get confused. You want to watch the original Zulu. The movie that's got, um, what's that guy's name? He sounds a bit like this. Oh, michael cain it's michael cain michael cain michael cain isn't it um it's a real winner so basically if if you don't help me defeat these zulus we're fucked god damn it alfred i have my own problems honestly master wine you've milked that cow for as long as it's going to get you.

You're 41 years old. It was 37 years ago, your parent's story. It's a true story. All right? Now, I may have the numbers a little wrong here, but there's about 300 British soldiers at this mission, this little makeshift fort. And there's about five or eight zulu warriors coming and the zulu have some guns but not many but but mostly they have wave after wave of mp warriors these guys with fucking spears and cowhide shields and they do this like war chant and this dance with like and they're like beating the shields in unison and they'll charge like 200 men at a time

and the british have to be like super well organized and disciplined to like fire their rifles out and not you know in unison like like, fire, reload, fire, reload, because they've got single-shot rifles. You shoot once, you pull the lever down, the bullet comes out, you hand put another shell in and close it. It's that kind of an old-timey rifle. We're well past muskets, but we certainly haven't gotten to real bolt-action guns. Real repeaters, yeah. It's not World War I yet.

We haven't gotten there. We haven't gotten to anything like that. It's brutal. And it's good. It's really good. And it's true. It should happen. You can watch those YouTube infographic channels that break down historical battles, and they do one

for the whole Zulu war. That's gotta be the worst ever, to be a Zulu on that day like seeing your buddies getting shot and being like i knew that it was a mistake to even come here i have a pointy stick you say that but like like a week before they had overrun like 2 000 british and that's where they got their guns like they had just swarmed this this this big thing of like 2 000 british and massacred them they have arrows uh i don't think it didn't say no there had spears it was spears and shields

because like like it seemed like there was so much distance to cover that like a bow wouldn't do any good like like they had to run across a big open field so So they would army crawl up for a long way, and the British would be like, so clear, chaps, let's have a spot. Oh, shit! Because 200 of them would stand up 50 yards away and just go, ooh, and start running at you. They're hardcore.

The first rifles, this was weird to me when I first heard this, but the first rifles were not as overpowering as you might think. We think of guns as being way better than bow and arrow, and they are. But you go back far enough, and these muzzle

loaders with the four second not four second, like a minute long reload process. 15 seconds? Like Revolutionary War, you could do it in 15 seconds? Yeah, I think a prog does it in like 15 to 20 seconds. Okay. Well, I suck at archery, and I can do one in four seconds. You know?

Sure. Five times faster. Four or five times. No, three or four times faster. So, like, if I'm a bunch of Indians circling a wagon, and I have arrows that I can reload quick, quick, quick, and you have a slow rifle, like, I'll admit, you probably do more damage on a hit but

i get more shots it's not an obvious choice which one's better yeah and you're not going to hit them every time if they're circling around like oh fuck i missed well let me take another nine minutes and you might not be a good shot when someone's riding at you screaming with war paint on yeah that must be scary i have a topic if we have a pause. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Let's go for it. Alright. Somebody wrote me privately and asked for advice. So I'm going to read it to you. I can't share it on screen. Watch his name.

I have to anonymize it while I read it so I'll do my best to read it clearly. The other night I was hanging out with two friends and there's a boy and a girl. He gives their names. I won't. I want to make it clear I had a lot to drink that night and so did my two friends and there's a boy and a girl. He gives their names. I won't. I want to make it clear. I had a lot to drink that night and so did my two friends. The dude left, but it was me and the girl left over and we always clicked. Our humor is the same. We make each other

laugh. I can't name too many people with a better personality and I'd be lying if I said I'm not happier around her. I've never had any crazy feelings for her, but I always thought she would make a great girlfriend. The two of us stayed up and drank and listened to some music after the dude left. So we were dancing and things got flirty. They're dancing, two people dancing, like anyway. Things got flirty.

At one point she said, we're gonna be a couple someday. And that kind of struck me. I always had this weird feeling about her. I always thought that one day we might be together. We've had these moments where she's been flirty in the past. to be a couple someday and that kind of struck me i always had this weird feeling about her i always thought that one day we might be together we've had these moments where she's been flirty in the past but the time he's just never been right and i'm too much of a realist she goes to another school so uh and he's a he's a young adult we were thinking the same thing though question mark eventually went downstairs to bed i went to the guest bedroom and she disappeared. A minute or two later, the door to the room opened and she walked in.

You ran. Which was weird because I was kind of hoping she would come in. At this point, I was super drunk and this is where things got interesting. I remember she didn't climb into the same bed as me. Instead, she went for a bunk bed that was also in the room. I was confused. Why did she come in here? There were plenty of other places to sleep.

So drunk me made my move. I'm not sure how, but I ended up in the same bed as her. I woke up in the middle of the night with my arms around her. We were spooning. She held onto my forearm and I realized how wrong it was.

See, she's dating someone else. And she actually came to town to visit this guy. We definitely didn't have sex. Alpha AF. I don't even think I got with her. I felt like a dick because drunk me still knew she had a boyfriend. So in the middle of the night, I left that bed and moved to a different one.

And then he goes on to say that they drove together to work. Things weren't awkward. I was more worried about being late. She said, why did I sleep in that room that night? He said, I don't know. I have no idea if she remembers anything, but the entire situation is messing with my head. And the last thing is,

he has another friend that likes this girl too and feels like somehow that guy has a claim. So not only does she have a boyfriend, but his friend has dibs. So he's like, what do I do? Yeah. How old is this guy? He's a young adult.

I don't want to give his age. I'm trying to anonymize things. But I'm going to tell you. Yeah, let's not narrow it down to an 18-year-old man in America. I know that guy. I know him. I know an 18-year- old man in america i know that guy i know him i know an 18 year old man in america it's gotta be jimmy on smith street well look dude first of all don't be a pussy all right like like like like your friend has dibs what is she the fucking passenger seat of a Honda? Yeah. Is she the last pepperoni popper? Yeah, go off, kid. No.

That's a woman, all right? And I'm assuming she's your age. You're both adults, legally. So, and fuck her boyfriend. You know, fuck him. Fuck him. Who gives a shit? Tell her.

Oh, we lost Kyle. Okay, never mind. Tell her what? Tell her all the reasons that you're a better match for her than this other guy is. Be like, I think there was a reason you were over here with me instead of over there with him. Where was he that night? I was there with you, wishing that we were together. You said you wished that we were together.

I felt the same way, but I didn't want to say anything. Throw it out there. She's already said she could see you as a couple. Get that fucking ball rolling. Fuck this other dude. Who cares if she's got a boyfriend? They're not married. That's not her husband.

Fuck him. He probably works at Pizza Hut too. The dibs thing is hilarious. Disregard that. That's retarded. You can't be like, I got dibs. It's like, no, it's a person. They're going to make their own decision.

But sneak in a little line like, hey, Jennifer, we're all really, really happy and impressed that you got Chaz to start going out with women. Like, we really thought he was gay, and the conversion camp worked. So, you know, and you're evidence of that. So we just thought you'd say, you should get tested. You just thought you should say, great job.

And then just leave it at that. And if she is cool with that kind of humor, you found a keeper. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like that. And if she gets the joke, if she doesn't go, really?

He was in a, no, if she, if she, if she believes that he was in a conversion camp, you keep going, you keep going. You don't stop. You you don't stop and you start making up a whole story after his third asshole restoration surgery we thought he was connor don't touch it he doesn't like that dude i thought that he does he loves it the fact that he just can't handle it anymore i think this guy is taking too much of responsibility on himself where you're treating her like she has no agency she came into that room because she wanted to sleep with you and then you went over there because you were drunk

and you recognized the advance when she said we're going to be a couple someday and you guys are fucking dancing there's something about dancing alone that is like foreplay yeah it totally is that's not a thing two platonic friends do yeah when she said that when yeah when she said oh we're gonna be a couple someday as she's dating

someone first of all that sort of lack of loyalty is going to be turned on you someday so i would recommend uh taking that into account yeah she's already made her mind up when when she said that to you like like she's she's got one hand still on that latent branch of him, and she's swinging towards you. And as soon as she grabs onto you, she's letting go of the other branch. So that's just a... I have a slightly different take on this.

I feel like she's friendzoning this guy to some extent. It is flattering to have someone who likes you like that. And all you need to do is just feed him a little crumb now and then, and he will continue to fawn after you like that. And all you need to do is just feed him a little crumb now and then, and he will continue to fawn after you like a beta male. I think that the move for him to make here is to make a move one time, and then if it doesn't work, move on. You cannot be where you are.

This relationship needs movement in any direction, any fucking direction. That direction could be out the door, close this door, end it, whatever, or it could be you guys start dating. But this spot he is now, fawning over her while she dates some other dude, it's a terrible spot to be. Make your move, close the door, or let her in. It's got to be one of those. That's a great point, Woody, is you don't want to be in that position,

and the longer you stay in that position, the less respect she's going to have for you. And the less respect you should have for yourself. You are deserving of somebody's 100%, not a crumb she tosses your way now and then. Yeah, you can't just be addicted to the whiff of pussy. You can take 20%. I mean, you don't need the whole thing anyway, right? I mean, I just used the first 20%. I don't know about you guys. I'm not sure why the rest is there to be honest.

Talking about babies up there? I don't fucking know. Just take the parts you need. Put them in the refrigerator. never go bad that's love it's an interesting quandary though but you got to have more self-respect don't don't let her drag you around if anything you ignoring her is just going to make her much much more interested or or yeah you know i just hate the spot he's in he's in love with some girl who throws him uh

a kind word now and then while she fucks some other dude you can't stay there i think he's in love oh i think he's in love dude i i thought the love was pretty strong when he's like i can't name anyone else but the personality is great as her we've always clicked this and that he likes this girl like you know he likes her soul i don't know what the fucking hold up is text her right now dude like like like right now like don't wait what the fucking hold up is text her right now dude Like right now like don't wait Like right fucking now you should be texting her If he goes with the Woody strategy He makes a move one time Do you think it's texting though

Yeah I just text yeah Get over here I'm with Billy fuck Billy he's a bitch Yeah But tell her like look I liked when we hung out the other night I think we should be a couple but I'm not going to wait around. I can't do that, and I'm not going to do that.

So, like, you need to make a decision. I don't think you want to be with this guy. If you're saying that stuff to me, then I think you should be with me. Let's do this. And you've got to get a yes or a no. Like, make it a binary decision. Make it a binary decision for her. Don't make it this sort of wishy-washy nonsense.

You definitely don't want that. You're either in with both feet or you're out. Yeah, and if you get a no, I know that's not the answer you were hoping for, but it actually is an improvement over where you are. Oh, it's a big improvement because then she's going to see what life is like without you there.

And that might change. And she might change her mind in a week. And then you can start sabotaging you know yes i would genuinely move on if she says never be afraid to this other dude then fucking choose that other dude you get some get on amazon and order a couple of pair of panties all it's going to take is one pair of of strange panties and this guy's hamper under under his mattress. Something like that. And you're in like Flint.

Well, there you go. I've got so many panties just for that purpose. Hide multiple copies of Mein Kampf all around his apartment. Speaking of which, you guys watched the Democratic debates? Yeah, it's on right now. It's on right this second.

I only saw highlights. I just thought I'd make a Mein Kampf joke. I have no interest in that. It seems boring. Actually, no, no. I had a stack ranking, a very important stack ranking of the Democratic candidates. Top five in order, descending order, of

fuckability. Wait, wait, wait. So this is the most fuckable one is the first one? Correct. Tulsi Gabbard. We match right up there. Because athletic.

Young. Knows how to do cool X-game style sports like surfing and things. That's neat. I don't know how to do that. Could probably smoke weed in her state. That's pretty cool. She's got a cool don't know how to do that. Could probably smoke weed in her state. That's pretty cool. She's got a cool state with lots of islands around it. Her state is an island. The weather's great. Hard time finding me there.

It's a really cool place to be. Number two, Beto O'Rourke. Beto O'Rourke is your second most fuckable. Oh yeah, because I just want to bend him over and just hear him in Spanish being like, Oh yeah, papi. Oh papi, yeah, papi. Oh, please slow down my ass.

You know, like he's all in Spanish. I want to hear him like that. And I see Kyle still nodding in agreement. I like a genuine Latin American, like Robert Francis O'Rourke. And so I want to hear him screaming out in Spanish. Third most fucking? Number three. Warren. Elizabeth Warren. Because she is female.

She's got high cheekbones. I want to hear Cherokee war cries. I want to see her saying things like, oh no, not your boomstick. Stuff like that. Super, a lot of potential for funny cosplaying there. I want to play Indian Outlaw while we fuck.

Yeah, that's an even better idea. I don't know what that is. I'm an Indian Outlaw, half Cherokee, half Choctaw. My baby, she's a Chippewa. She's a one-time. Number four, Klobuchar. I don't know anything about her. Oh my god, I don't know how to spell it. Klobuchar? K- know anything about her oh my god i don't know how

to spell it klobuchar k-l-o-b-u-c-h-a-r sounds like she's from another fucking planet and she's here to rule over us yeah and that's that might be the case in which case i'll vote for actually no matter what happens i'm writing in oj simpson i've decided that the juice is loose and i'm a i've been watching i won't sidetrack you. Let's go to OJ later. And then the last one would be, what did I write down? Inslee? I don't even remember.

And just so I could like, I imagine INSLEE, like one of the no-name guys, just because I imagine he's someone who would be into humiliation. Like he would want to be strapped up in one of those like Theon Greyjoy style things and be like oh yeah tell me you don't know who i am it's like i don't know who you fucking are what are you doing here oh yeah tell me more tell me more about how you don't know who i am that's what all the jokes were on all of my perception of what happened at the debates comes from the satire accounts i follow on twitter so yeah and none of it matters it's a fucking year and a half out.

You know, if I were king, and we still elected presidents for some reason, I would make it so that you could only do this in the last, like, three months before the election. No debates before that. Nothing like that. You cram it all in. You get it done. It's just, it's a year and a half before anything happens.

It's just to determine who gets into the later debates. And in that regard, it kind of happens. That's called a St. Andrew's Cross, by the way, Taylor. Ah, I did not know that. You learn something new every day. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm not going to watch any of the debates. I didn't watch hardly any of the debates in 2016

either. Bernie and Biden are on right discords. I can see everybody's blowing up. They're like, laugh my ass off ha ha ha don't say that don't say that like i don't know what what's going on but i can tell i'm gonna have to re-watch that shit later because i feel like someone has made some serious flubs i think maybe just just by like like seeing like like bubbles pop up on my screen i think maybe bernie sanders got asked a question and he was just brutally honest and he shouldn't have been. They were like, lie! Just lie!

As long as it's funny. We all come out winning. The way the debates broke down was kind of interesting because the first night only had one good candidate, Elizabeth Warren. Good being major candidate. I'm not passing judgment. But the first night is the good night. That's the one that sort of breaks the seal that people are more interested in. The second one had biden bernie who to judge and i don't know who else is major i think i'm not sure no yang gang's tonight is he yeah so like all the sort of names you've been hearing about yeah i saw tulsi won the uh the the polls from last night she was was like 12 or 13% said she won and then the second place was like 4%.

Maybe Warren. I wouldn't know. I didn't watch it. Tulsi got a huge boost out of that. I think she did very well and she looked good doing it. That's all I noticed. I just tuned in. She's so tan.

What is her ethnicity? If she's Hawaiian... Wait What is her ethnicity? She doesn't look Hawaiian. Wait, Samoan, right? Samoan? I can't wait to see. You know how presidents change over eight years? She's going to look like The Rock by the time we're done.

I like how all of you supported me in my third year when I decided I was trans. Wearing big ass lifts, skiing with bicep implants. Cool. Yeah, very attractive young lady. So I don't give a shit. We'll see when things get cut down to a much narrower field because there's 20 Democrats right now. Yeah.

20, I thought. I bet there's a couple really good youtube compilations coming after tonight oh there may be three that didn't make the cut i thought there were like 10 each night oh that could be yeah yeah are there three poor motherfuckers who didn't make the tv cut he didn't even make it's time to leave 20 you don't make the top 20 gonna happen it's really not like you you'd have to save You'd have to do some heroic shit. You'd have to jump in front of a bullet and save a child or something

to get back up. There's 24 who've declared. Four uber losers. That's got to suck. You're making fun of Steve Hofstadter's friend here. Jump in there. You could be 25. I mean,

I've got Taylor. I don't think Glebe has much of a shot either. You've definitely got more of a following than Glebe does. That's not going to happen. That would be so funny for us to all rally around and get Kyle

or Woody. I'm old enough for one thing. Oh shit, you're right. Woody, you're our horse. I don't know how long I'm going to do with the female vote. We could have $65,001 donations. Definitely. Or 50 cent donations.

Or penny donations. It's by number of donations not by amount. For every dollar you send Woody will walk a mile. Oh, Jesus. And he needs that money. Because if you don't donate it, then he won't walk. And if he doesn't walk, he will die.

He will literally kill himself by not moving if you don't send dollars. I wonder when he made that post. It's telling to me that it was a while ago, pre-surgery. Yeah, must be. A couple years ago, probably. Because he got the surgery

a year ago. What, a year and a half? A year and a half ago? It's not like it was 30 years ago or something. Tops, it was two years ago or something. He was a different man. I mean, I think about the major changes I made between 31 and 32. He's an entirely different person.

Yeah, he's an entirely different person. Like, I remember when I was 12. Like, maybe I... But, like, we're not talking about that. We're talking about, like... I mean, figure it out. This has been a couple years ago. It was probably when he was doing the walking 365 thing.

Probably after the first quit, maybe. Probably after the first quit, yeah. Which was just... been a couple years ago it was probably when he was doing the walking 365 thing um probably after the first quit maybe probably after the first quit yeah which was just yeah well oh i see there's some evil behind those eyes right now it's just like he's the bad guy he's a bad guy he's he is he is no matter how he slices and look look look hitler had all kind of maladies you don't see people going oh but come on he had parkinson's he can't help it did he he's got yeah i mean he's fucking shaking and shit all the time and i thought that was because of like amphetamines and shit that didn't help he's he's he's a drug addict cut him some slack yeah taylor he failed at art school

his one dream taylor hitler had a hard time have a heart would you you guys are right when you're when you're right his father didn't love him like like no you don't cut hitler any slack why would you why would you cut jordy well i mean apt comparison killed six million ten million jews or whatever i don't know How many kittens has the man slowly murdered though? One tops. One we know about! Of course there was a second kitten! And a third

and a fourth if you must know! That'd be so funny if like Hitler or someone in his fucking like band or whatever, they're like did you know that fucking, you know, whatever his face is over there, put a cat under a metal pail

and left him in the sun. He's like, ah, seriously, that's pretty fucked up, dude. Get him out of here. Throw him with the rest. Don't you hear about what fucking Gustav did? Give me another couple of pills. I feel like my shaking is wearing off. That's got to be the worst combo ever.

Parkinson's. I didn't know he had Parkinson's. Parkinson's and amphetamines. Imagine Michael J. Fox taking the crank. That's what that would be like. I don't like seeing Michael J. Fox on screen. I feel bad for him. Michael J. Fox has medicine he can take that

sort of lessens or stops that funky chicken. But when he does Parkinson's events, he doesn't take it so his funky chicken is in full effect. Well, it didn't look like he took it when he was on TV and that I was watching Designee of Survivor and he's in

season two, I think, at the end. He's a lawyer who pops in as a guest star several times he sort of butts heads with the president he's like special counsel at one investigating the president he's he's kind of a thorn in the president's side and he's over there fucking herky jerky over there and it's just it's it's hard to watch i feel bad that's even more tragic than that is I just found out he's 5'4". Eric Fly's a little guy. Wow.

Well, he still can take out Biff, so got that going on. I wonder if the guy who played Biff is dead. He's the president of the United States. Biff Tannen. Thomas F. Wilson. Taylor didn't get your trope joke, but I thought it was funny. No, I get it. Because he was based off that, right? He just didn't get your joke but i thought so no i get it i get it because he was

based off that right he just didn't think he was based on it like 20 years in the future yeah well look just trump was famous back then you want to see some people die you might be right yeah i always thought that was the meme is that like they they made it after him like a bloviating you know kind of blow absolutely they've said that it is absolutely based on donald trump um because he's like a billionaire casino owner who's who's kind of a piece of shit so one of my favorite movies of all time is of course the blues brothers and there's this scene in the blues brothers where they're where the the you know those bridges and uh and dan akroyd and John Belushi

are having this argument because John Belushi has traded the Bluesmobile, their old car, away while, or Dan Aykroyd has, while John Belushi was in prison and now he's got a cop car that he bought at auction and Belushi's giving him a hard time. And Dan Aykroyd

thinks that this car has got muscle. As the bridge is going up in front of him he just guns it and he he goes straight up the ramp and he jumps over it and and and like lands on the other side like it's it's incredible it's crazy stunt and belushi lands i guess it's all right all right this will do this is the new blues mobile all right well this quebec man i'm ready to watch now they say his brakes failed but that's not funny so so i choose to believe that he was running late for the ferry and he had just watched Can we start at five seconds? And he and his wife's in the passenger seat.

Yeah, I'll go to five. I am at five. Yep, I'm there. Are we ready? We are. I am ready. Ready, set, play. All right.

Jerry's pulling away from the dock. Look how far away it is. Look how far away it is. That is seriously far. What? What? What? He's pulling away from the dock. Look how far away it is. Look how far away it is. That is seriously far. What? He made it! I can't believe he made it!

Look at the air! That is crazy! It looks like 100 feet, right? I thought he was going to hit the ramp like it was a wall. That might be 100 feet. It looks like he jumped an RV 100 feet. It's an

incredible jump. He's dead, by the way. It's pretty funny if you don't think about the fact that he died. He's going to make the cover of RV International with that one. Man, the coveted cover of RV International. He's well-placed, too, by the way.

He picked a spot. He hit his spot landing is what the para-people would say. Had been a better constructed RV, he walked away. It turns out RVs are made out of Legos and... They're notoriously poorly made. That's why you want to get into van life. Don't let me tell you this twice. I'm going to sign on to that.

You know, if it's between RV life and like big daddy van life, that RV exploded like it's made out of waste paper or something like that. It looks like it's made out of paper mache. Yeah. It just fell right apart. It just shatters into a heap. His wife was in the passenger seat. She's in critical condition. Just imagine.

No, Ted. What's that going to make it? I'm not buying that his brakes failed. Like, that just seems crazy. His brakes failed and he happened to hit a ramp and jumped a lake and landed on a ferry. That's a lot. Maybe his wife was bitching at him again that morning and it was just like, enough is enough.

And he just gunned it. You may not know. We're not talking over you. You're freezing and stopping for us. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine on your side, you think we're quite rude,

but we're actually filling in the blank. Well, I know you are, but I didn't know that's why. Well, I am sometimes quite rude, but this time I'm innocent. You can't help it, though. It's your upbringing. Yeah, well, I didn't. But yeah, that's not brakes. That's like he's going 120 miles

an hour. Yeah, right? If your brakes fail, you don't have to immediately go, well, I gotta use one of the pedals. If he were just pulling into the ferry parking lot normally would he be going 80 miles an hour like that's not brakes that guy went for it if he did that intentionally trying to make the ferry he is the first ever posthumous cool guy of the week i knew that's where we were headed because that's pretty cool uh but if not then he uh he appears foolish and like the brakes failing

thing i'm on board with what you just said kyle because there's no way he got to 99 miles an hour in that thing with the brakes gone like yeah i think you would figure out your brakes are failing if you're going like 30 miles an hour and you like tap it you're like oh fuck oh shit like i gotta like turn into a barrier or something not just we can make the ramp honey we're not that late and then gun it over that i love that video i'm still watching it i'm just showing it to the fans repeatedly this is our i think this is our sixth viewing it's it's amazing it's amazing shame he had to die for us to get this funny 21-second clip. Well, I don't know. He's cool guy of the week.

I think he was probably worth it. Well, until I changed my mind in 40 seconds. I got a funny one. I haven't watched it yet, Purposefully, but Chiz said it was funny. It's on Public Freakout, and it's called 200 IQ Vegan Protesters Lock Themselves to the Equipment at a Slaughterhouse. One Almost Dies.

I watched that one. It was good. All right. You got that one queued up, Kyle? I do. All right. Let's kick it off. I'm a little behind you, I think.

One moment, please. Do you need volume on this or no? We need to stop this! Yes. I just heard a second of volume and it's gold. Stop this right now! Oh, that one wasn't me.

That was me. Oh wait, actually that was both of us, so my bad too. Alright, are we ready? Ready, set, play. We need to stop this right now! Holy shit! What the fuck? What was he thinking? It appears he's...

There's some sort of chicken conveyor belt. And this guy used a kryptonite bicycle U-shaped lock to lock his neck to it. Now, there are a lot of locks involved. So they don't know which number lock the key matches to. This guy's head is just getting mushed right now. What a fucking retard. I hope he can't find the right key.

He's being choked by a kryptonite lock. They kindly stopped the conveyor belt thing. So if you're watching this, I think everyone in a blue shirt is a protester. I love this guy. I understand you're at peace, but you're fucking up everything. He's like, get out. Well, no, we're here peacefully.

I understand that, but you're fucking everything up. We got chickens to slaughter, god damn it. We're the chicken murdering business I gotta have all these chickens Ground up to paste by this afternoon Or I'm in trouble And Chang over there is about to end up in the paste Holding up his fucking

Nixon signs I thought that, like, that is disarming though Isn't it? Like, if you're like, hey, we're here in peace, man Nah, I just want to smack him right in the nose No, not at all, It's just like no defenses. He's over there. It's like he's giving me the fucking gold. He's checking state about 11.

I could have just made a bullseye. I'm here in peace, man. Yeah. You're right here. Right here between me. You just want to get him straight to the nose. Like fuck those people. They're fucking chickens.

That's got to suck ass for the guy who works at the chicken factory. Do you think that's what he wants to be doing working at the smelly ass chicken execution factory no he probably wants to be anywhere else i love being that guy i mean i feel like dude all right no like killing chickens is a sucky job on the same team there but the day a bunch of vegans come and chain lock their necks to the like murdering equipment is probably my best day of the week that's fucking hilarious yeah if i were that guy i'd be like you notice i'm tying it up and it's like all right boys everybody we're gonna turn it on and hour for lunch just peace out you just find the gourd pieces of retards when you get

these people who have like a wednesday afternoon off to go chain their necks to the chicken murderer? I bet they stepped over like 10 homeless people on the way to the chicken factory. Yeah, right? Like, I don't understand these people. Look, I get it. I was watching this thing about Japanese Wagyu beef today. And like the cows are like pets they're scratching their heads they talk they're they're brushing them like they're like you would brush a horse

and the other cows are watching the brushing and he's like hey brush me yeah it's like you know how you pet one dog and the other one's like oh yeah they're doing that you know it's like please brush me too and he's like you'll get your turn and then you'll all die like i get it i feel bad for those cows but when they got to the second half of the video where they were slicing that beef up and grilling it on this fancy japanese broiler grill and the guy was just like oh yeah oh god it's. You can taste the temporary happiness. They literally said that. They literally said that. They're like, these cows live a life of comfort and happiness,

and that comes out of the flavor. These cows are never stressed, and stress changes the flavor of the meat. These cows have never had any, like, fear or adrenaline. This isn't like, remember, like Taylor and I were talking about, Taylor's murder park or whatever where we scared the animals. Like every day we just subjected them to new animal

horrors. We kept the veal chained up. You can't just kill the dolphin. You must make sure the dolphin knows it's going to die. You must see the fear in the eye of the dolphin. That'll make all the toxin release.

Make it very good. We taught this gorilla a sign language so we could tell him he will die. And you know, this is so funny. I love it. Four years later, he's finally got it. Like, oh, yeah, you you understand you are going to die tomorrow just tell him that every day for a year i wonder what like the mythos amongst those

every day. Every single day. That's great. Sometimes you run into a deaf cow and you have to shine at it violently. At the same time, you have someone behind the cow that doesn't see him. You slap him real quick You scare him a little bit But you make sure they're going to die

That's what he brings the flavor out He might be deaf but he understands a little cut I love what I do I love every day when I walk into work A boogie boogie The best dirty jobs thing Alright today we're going to be cow fear instillers Just in normal clothes A bunch of like Farmers screaming at cows where he's like, today we're going to be cow fear instillers.

Just in normal clothes, a bunch of farmers screaming at cows. What's his name? Hamburgers in front of them. This is your mother. I like that idea of keeping the veal chained up just out of reach of the mother cow and smacking the mother cow around a lot.

Just big open hand slaps to the snout. You feed them the fucking grain out of a cow skull. Here you go. Here's dead. Every day at lunchtime, they got a big cow pinata. I wonder what the mythos is among the Waigu cows of what happens when they go into that final building. They think it's probably like a brush factory. They're like, once you go in there, little Tojo, you don't have to worry about ever asking or waiting in line for pets ever again. It's 24-7.

And the reason that nobody ever comes back is because it's so fun. Wow. I can't wait for that. In this circumstance, the cows also speak like this. The cows have a Japanese accent. You'd think they would. I mean,

assuming the cows are trying to... They know Japanese and they're trying to learn English. They were so friendly. They were literally like pets. They were just, it was like a dog kennel with like all these happy cows. And they talked about like how nutritious the grass was there because they're next to a fucking mountain. And how like it's the cleanest air in Japan. And the water is so pure.

And they're just going through all this happy cow nonsense. And then they show the meat though. And it's so marbleized. It's like white spider veins of fat going through the muscle. It looked incredible. And when they would cook it, you could see the fat liquefy inside the little thin slices of beef. My mouth's watering. He, like, cooked it on this, this like weird japanese grill thing where there's

like a burner underneath going and on top it was like mesh and he like laid this thin strip of like the beef on there seared both sides like five like 10 seconds per side and then put a little wasabi on it and ate it with chopsticks it looked incredible oh dude so I looked up human meat. So I would know what it would look like. And in the Google image search, I'm like, oh my God, that's human meat? And it's like, human meat looks a lot like beef. And then, my disappointment in this caption, human flesh might resemble this nice beef filet. That's not what I'm going for.

I always heard pork is what we look like. I didn't know that we were red meat. I heard it's what we tasted like. Are we red meat animals? Is that what we would be if you made a person's life? Yeah, for sure. I don't actually know what would go into making a

meat red versus... Well, pork is a white meat. Right. The other one. Yeah. I bet we're red meat actually according to fat bastard baby is the other other white meat that's true and that movie from 1999 has never led me wrong baby it's what's for dinner i sure hope my wire team is ready. That scene makes me laugh so hard every time I watch it. You keep your money on your mojo.

It's so good. Mike Myers is a fucking genius. I wish they'd put him in makeup again and let him do things. He's too old now to be on camera, but if you just slap all that makeup on him and get him back in, he could do another Dr. Evil movie or something. I think I found actual human meat

god damn it human meat served at Nigerian restaurant 11 arrested that looks red to me that looks like a leg bone too right like that's about human sized and there's a bone in the middle uh huh like a shin or something why are they holding it like that

like they're showing off like a bunch of nice cutlets to me they're holding it like evidence that they paid for I don't know they're holding it like that? Like they're showing off a bunch of nice cutlets. To me, they're holding it like evidence. This is just a stock photo that they paid for. I don't know. They're holding it right next to a saw. No, I choose not to believe that. This has got to be a... Woody, they just cut it.

There's the saw. Hmm. Yeah. They found two human heads, some AK-47s, 40 rounds of ammo. I don't know what they're doing with 40 rounds of ammo and two AKs. They're not even full. And some human meat, I guess.

Why do you need... Why are there weapons in the back? I don't know how you kill humans before you eat them, but I use an AK. You must know the fear and people understand. This is in Nigeria, so who knows? Maybe different rules over there.

I'd say so. I don't think the gun laws are too strict. I went to the hotel early this year after eating. I was told that a lump of meat was being sold at Nigerian $700. Oh, that's four real dollars. A local pastor, who was one of those who tipped off is it really told yeah told the osun defender i was surprised so i did not know it was the human meat that i ate at such an expensive price four dollars is an expensive it's like three euros in in nigeria it is i guess so in the last

week or two a second florida city floridian city paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to hackers to get their computer systems back. They, they, this second one paid $426,000 or 42 Bitcoin and it ended a 15 day standoff. They managed to hack the city in such a way that they got They managed to hack the city in such a way that they got triple threat. Let's see. Landline phones, online credit card payments, and email systems. And they paid $426,000. The last one was $600,000.

They added up to $1.1 million. That just seems incentivizing for other hackers, right? I could make both arguments, right? Yeah, it does incentivize other hackers. I'm motivated and I don't even hack. And they pay with Bitcoin, which, you know, I guess I'm told. I've been told it is trackable, that there's a log and that it's not trackable. So I don't know what to believe. I guess if these guys were good hackers and they wanted Bitcoin, they must know what they're doing.

The city just paid a $10,000 deductible and they had insurance to cover getting hacked. But, leave it to Florida. Yeah, I don't know. Man, being a hacker would be cool. Dude, I used to daydream that a hacker would give me a college degree. Like, could you just get me like 12 more credits, man? It'd be so

much easier than going to school at night. I'm really tired. You can just print it off yeah you just probably just print off the diploma you can yeah absolutely you can buy fake diplomas on the internet you can buy a knighthood on the internet a real one a knighthood is like uh you'll be sir taylor oh like a literal knighthood $150 did you think it was a hood made of the opposite of daylight no i thought it was a hood made of the opposite of daylight? No, I thought it was a hood that you wear at night time.

Okay. Okay. Yeah, I think Sealand does that. Let me, let me, let's see. Sealand, knight hood. Yeah. How much does it cost to be a knight? That's cool. I think it's $150. Do you think it would be funded to pay for that

and then make a scene at the DMV and and things like sir we do not add sir to the front of your i can have it say sir under our names sir woody taylor sir kyle you know there you go this is worth this is worth it oh and you can become a sir or a dame. Neat. Yeah. Same price, though. One customer review. I don't feel any different. Wait.

I hope it... Oh, let's read the review. Having received my official nightly papers today, I am very impressed by the presentation of the documents enclosed, not to mention the speedy arrival of the package in question. papers today, I am very impressed by the presentation of the documents enclosed, not to mention the speedy arrival of the package in question. I cannot say I am surprised, however, seeing that the Principality of Sealand has not been known to do anything by halves. True, these papers are designed to a very high standard, but in order for them to have true meaning, I must be true to the code of chivalry and the plight of by my fellow man

of my fellow man. Blessings upon Prince Michael. I feel honored to take up the mantle of night and change the world for the better. And then Jesus. Concilio et animus excelsior. That sounds fancy. Yeah, this sounds like a fake review. Here's a diploma with transcripts for $200.

Dude, I'm off of the Sur train because Sealand will also make you a duke. I will be a duke, which means I get land and prima nocta. I walk over to my neighbor's house and demand. I declare prima nocta! We've called the police on you so many times this week.

Don't make us do it again. I say, I've got a cane and a cape on. Highland titles. Oh, you can be a lord or a lady what's higher up a lord or a duke this is i don't know yeah includes your own plot of land in scotland allows you to state style yourself as lord or lady of glencoe help support a unique conservation project all All right. I'm going to buy a plot. I can get a one foot by one foot plot for $45.

And I will be a Lord of Scotland. I like the reviews. There's a dude here pointing at his square of, of land. Do you see him in the woods? You can, You can buy a thousand square feet. Like you could maybe put

a very small living place there. Start your own primitive living channel. What is this? Oh, this comes with a gift pack, a five-year plan, a tree dedicated in my honor. But only if there's already a tree on your foot. A five-year plan? A tree dedicated in my honor? Put a leaf. There's already a tree on your foot.

Oh, and five-year fishing rights and a lambswool scarf? I'm not about to lose money on this. I'm going to buy... If I buy 10 1,000-square-foot areas in this, can I go live in Scotland as a lord? Could I? Wait, wait. 10 one foot?

What did you just say? 1,000 feet. 1,000 square feet is 750 bucks. It lets you buy up to 10 of those in one purchase. So for $7,500, I could have a lot more land. 10 times as much. At least five times as much could you go live there or do i I still have... There's no way.

No, because you wouldn't be a citizen. You're a duke, though. But not a citizen. No, no, this isn't a duke, Kyle. This is a lord, which is either better or worse than duke. I'm leaning better. What is better, a lord or a duke? I'm going to look that up.

I'm going to look it up, too. What are... Is this all like... What is better? Lord or Duke? Duke is better. The highest grade is Duke slash Duchess, followed by Marcus and Marchinus?

Earl? Marquis. Ah, a Marquis. You can become a Duke, a Marquis, an Earl, a Viscount, or a Baron. Viscount. That sounds cool. How much does it cost to become a duke, a marquis, an earl, a viscount, or a baron. Viscount. That sounds cool. How much does it cost to become a viscount?

Yeah, he sounds like he's a nefarious kind of guy. So here's the answer. Dukes and duchesses are dressed with their actual title. All those other ranks, marquis, earl, viscount, etc., are lords. Oh, so I could go all the way down to Baron and still be a lord. That's right. Okay, they almost got me. They almost got me to spend $7,500.

All you'd be is a shitty lord. And for $150, I'm a duke. But if I'm a duke, people have to refer to me as Duke. Duke Taylor. Yeah. Do they have to do to me as Duke. Duke Taylor. Yeah. All right. Do they have to do it in America, too?

Can I go change my driver's license? I am a Duke. I come in in high heels and makeup. Oh, you're so funny. Man, that's pretty cool, though. I like all those little old-timey rankings helps me understand things like game of thrones better yeah because they had all of that if you could choose one sport to be famous in another patreon

question regardless of the amount of money you make what sport would it be did we do this i don't think so i would go go NHL for sure. Really? Oh yeah. I would go football, but the soccer kind of football. Then you would be world famous. Yeah, I'd be very famous. I know it says regardless amount of money, but I looked it up and I think they play something

like 23 games a year, 38 games a year. They don't work nearly as hard as hockey players do. I'd avoid the concussion sports as a rule of thumb. I'd be a race car driver. How many days a year do they work? Fucking 75 or

something. That's a lot of days to work, Kyle. Yeah, but your work is driving a fucking race car! Yeah, with no air conditioning at all. I'm going to ride the bench as a soccer team. You could be a professional fisherman or something like that. I don't know. Pick a fun one.

Be a golfer. Ooh, I'll be an America's Cup sailor. Those guys work every once in a while. I'm going to be really good at darts. That's it. Dude, I know I've said this before, but my favorite part of professional darts is they practice while drinking. So they compete while drinking because that's where they're at their best.

You practice and you perform, right? So it gets slightly buzzed. It steadies your hand. I just... Does it? I can't believe that alcohol is a performance-enhancing drug. The Olympics say they are. can't believe that alcohol is a performance enhancing drug. The Olympics

say they are. For darts and pool, I could see that just because of the environment in which they're played. But have you ever seen the body of a professional dart player? It's sturdy base. Really? Yeah, Taylor, these guys train.

Some wiggly, wobbly, skinny fuck, you want to be grounded. You know who would be good at darts? Sumo wrestlers. Maybe. They could beat up the other dartsmen. It's the whole point of sumo. You know, Wings does like throwing things.

Jesus, you're talking about controllers. It took me a second to put it together. It's the same form. To throw you in sumo. controllers. It took me a second to put it together. It's the same form. To throw you in the sun. If he could harness that rage, he could be like the Billy Madison

not Billy Madison, what's the one where he's the hockey player who becomes a golf player? Oh, Happy Gilmore. Happy Gilmore. He could become the Happy Gilmore of darts. He just the of of of darts and he just needs a cup of darts on his desk and anytime he's mad he just turns around and whips it at a fucking dartboard and it's just every time bullseye bullseye bullseye hard bullseyes that

stick into the wall behind the dartboard they're like wait where'd the dart go and you're he's going through the wall and gotten gangster grandma yeah i would definitely go hockey from my sport i uh i saw a movie that you wreck or i think you recommended it kyle uh you were never really home no no you were never really here with uh walking phoenix uh yeah you were never really there i think or something like that yeah you're never really here you're never really there whatever it is you said you liked that right i liked it yeah it was it was it's an odd movie but i did like it i liked it i i thought you had more to say because i thought you liked it a lot more than that yeah it's dark it's it's real dark um you know and like you get to the end and you're like that just happened all right he's yeah he's a hardcore motherfucker uh walking

phoenix is a great actor i i enjoyed it a lot he's really good but uh you know it's it's underrated you know i um i haven't seen a lot of like news about it or anything like that but but i liked a lot i liked a lot um i like walking phoenix i'm looking forward to seeing him as the joker are they rushing the joker out too many times too quickly i don't think so it's been a while you know they did so see this is a little bit this is very different than the suicide squad joker that we got uh just a few years ago this is this is sort of an alternate universe take kind of like what they did when they made Wolverine with Hugh Jackman.

It was kind of separate from the whole X-Men thing and not really based in the same timeline. Almost just an alternate timeline, kind of new reimagining of the Joker. And it seems almost like it's based in a much more grounded kind of way. Like, okay, so he's just a maniac. He's not...

I'm very interested, but just because it's dc i'm like i wonder if it's gonna suck yeah you know and and i'm one of those guys who didn't think the movie sucked as much as the world does right like better batman versus superman everyone said that was terrible i thought it was a six and a half out of ten like i thought it was a good movie the trailer kind of ruined it but it was just it wasn't what when you put it next to a marvel movie it looks terrible but if you just compare it to a random movie i thought it was better than average a little bit they're just trying to do too much it's like they got they were they're so far behind in the curve that they want to catch up in one or two movies and it's

like slow the fuck down and establish a base like like iron man wasn't trying to be 15 different things iron man was like hey what if this real rich guy decided to be a superhero and we kept it all self-contained in this one little world and we didn't worry about like some expanded universe we just focused on the character of tony stark and you you became the you come to love tony right away. You like him. You're interested in his life. You care about his friends and his family and stuff. They're not trying to mix in Wonder Woman right off the bat,

which is what they did with that Batman versus Superman nonsense. They cast Iron Man so well. He created the whole Marvel Universe. Perfectly. A few things along the way have contributed to the marvel universe and without any each of them is a piece so vital that it couldn't have existed without the others blade blade was huge like i've heard they've gone but yeah they'd have gone bankrupt a long time ago blade um was a marvel trilogy about a black superhero that made hundreds of millions of

dollars and like i i want to say i can just imagine wesley snipes when uh black panther came out and they're like finally a black superhero on the big screen he's just like what the fuck motherfuckers i was slaying vampires for a decade that cyber dude in the dc universe Yeah, I guess you're right. Fuck me. I did a bad job. Nonsense. Yeah.

But Blade was huge. It did really, really well financially. And apart from one special effects scene in the first movie, it's a really good movie. Yeah. And you got to give special effects a pass when the movie's a little older. Exactly. Yeah. There's a really bad CGI scene right at the end.

I wish I could remember who it is who said this about Wesley Snipes. It was one of his co-stars in the second Blade movie, but he says... I think it's Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds plays Deadpool, right? He does. He was also in Blade 3,

I think. He does, yeah. He said, He was also in Blade 3. I think he does. He said, I've never met Wesley Snipes. I've only met Blade. And I love that take because I believe it. I've never met Wesley Snipes. I've only met Blade. He's such a ridiculous character. I can just imagine him staying in that character the whole time but yeah he killed it at that he's a martial artist like like he knew

what he was doing so it looks good you know there was a fight joe rogan joe rogan yeah dude rogan would have fucked him up oh my gosh yeah yeah and and i wish that happened i wish joe said yes joe's like yeah that was a real thing and i you know like i'm gonna agree like you know it's so lopsided it would have been neat to watch yeah like wesley snipes had some sort of martial arts background but joe was competing in taekwondo for for many years and uh and you know he did he did karate as well you know i think he was into jits at the time so yeah he had transitioned to jits at the time but but but still the man's kicks are legit world-class kick you know he he's he's a tough guy and really strong guy and very fit at the time here's a oh go ahead no no my topic's just okay i was gonna say i saw something about this on

twitter earlier today and i was cracking up this 25 year old in uh hove east sussex he threw away his last pair of jeans when he was 14 he's now 25 and he only dresses as a regency era nobleman as he goes around the world talking to people doing everything job interviews he's got a cane he's got coattails he's got big boots he's got a top hat this guy is hard pressed to be beaten in the cool guy of the week category at this point but isn't that can you imagine seeing that guy walking around that is so either this guy is redefining autism or he is the greatest troll of all time if i saw him i would assume this was a costume right like it was work related.

I guess... Dude, do you see the third picture where he has those thigh-high boots? Watch the video. Is the video at the top? I scrolled down a little bit. It says, modern day dandy, 25-year-old man, dresses in Regency

era clothing. It's basically an interview with him. My name is Zach McLeampins. Oh wow. It's been a while. I thought he was trolling as of recent years. Scroll down to like the fifth picture and you'll see it says it's now been at least a decade since Zach left at 14 and right now has worn modern clothes and he says

the reaction to his look is usually good. He says he's turned down countless marriage proposals. Undoubtedly. The judges of suffix will not leave me be this guy is absolutely a patron to that duke site we were just looking at dude but this is their mo this is that bad a look though yeah i know as much as he doesn't fit in with the norm, he does look good. He's offering an ice cream and a hot dog and one of them dressed like a

fucking guy who would be watching the Kentucky Derby 180 years ago. It just looks really good. Yeah. Those shoes are a little much. Did you look at his family photo? Yes. I'm looking at it.

Are you showing the family photo? Yeah. Dude, he looks like a puppet that someone brought to life. His sister's pretty hot. At least neck down. Yes, she is. Yeah. Yeah, man, he did not get the height genetics.

Let me see. I assume that's not his father. That looks like a big fist. He's about the same height as that androgynous person in the middle. That's true. You got to take your victories where you can find them. This is just making me laugh so hard. Because every time you think you're at the bottom of the page,

I look over to the right and I'm like this way and just scrolling through all of this guy's photos. Oh, it's so great. It ends that way. The comments. I love this guy. I wish I had the guts to dress like him. Very handsome indeed.

Is he that much different than a fedora wearing guy? Completely different. Really? I invite you to the picture with the green overcoat. I saw it. The difference is fedoras look terrible and people mix it with nonsense. This guy looks cool.

Say what you will about how... A fedora is a modern ad....extremountably autistic he is. guy looks cool. Say what you will about how Fedora's a modern hat. Insurmountably autistic he is. He looks good. Taylor, please tell me you're looking at the one where he's wearing the green overcoat with a cane. Let me make sure I'm looking at the correct one. It has a funny hat. And he's got the fur coat

looking thing, like the end, the lined with fur. And the hat. Please acknowledge the hat. Well, the hat, like, see, I'm not up to admittedly my knowledge of regency era uk fashion is lacking and so that that kind of like off kilter chef's hat may have been like i don't know the the romper i believe it's called a kite hat a kite hat i just made that up like a third boot on his head you had me yeah yeah he looks like the third boot on his head dude he looks like he's hiding ratatouille and he's gotta go make some i like it a lot i like it a lot but

think about this i bet it's incredibly expensive it's probably custom made even if he's ordering from a costume shop like i've like around halloween i often look at like really high-end costumes something like that would be 350 400 he only has like four different outfits like it's just the there's the white one the navy blue one that green one thing and then they just start repeating more white more blue again i think they just took photos on like a couple of days and yeah You really think he's got 12 of these things to rotate through? I mean, if you scroll through the photos,

he's got at least five canes. And canes are not inexpensive. How many top hats does a man need to make you happy, Woody? I mean, come on. Look at that coat! That coat is absurd. That coat looks like it's $5,000. The green fur coat?

Yeah. Yeah. I started out laughing at him. The more I look, though, this guy's on to something. I know. I know, right? I'm laughing at him. Meanwhile, twice a week, I wear cargo shorts.

Dude, I like his look a lot. I wish that... I wouldn't want to be the only one dressed that way. I almost want to live in a village where we've all decided this is the look like a homeowners association but for fashion now would you like that

or would you be like hey guys guys as long as we're agreeing on a look how do you feel about pajama jeans pajama jeans oh look at this it says all outfits are researched and sewn by zach with some taking a year to perfect so he made all of these and these look really fucking good they look incredible i can't believe it wow i want to learn to sew like like that's cool as shit somehow i got it

in my head that sewing is like a girl thing but man man, that'd be a useful talent. There are things I need made that are things you make with a needle and thread and fabric. Goddamn. Lots of people agree with us that this is pretty fucking cool. Pinset Tailoring is his Instagram. 130,000 followers.

I wonder if he's got a lot of ladies. Oh, go to his Instagram. He's got one where he's wearing a fake hat or one of those old timey George Washington wigs. That's so good. If he made that wig on his own, that's a new level of talent. This guy's got, genuinely,

this guy's got a lot of talent to be making this. But look at that wig. That's so good. Now that I see this picture, I'm wondering if it's not the ladies he's after uh no no he would never be so forward instagram is a terrible website right i'm not saying the whole fan of instagram product well see that that's not a i'm saying the website is terrible it's the only video player i know of that doesn't have pause or or like rewind it doesn't tell you how long the video is it's just kind of like hey it'll go um i can't scroll or resize this thing to make it fit very well it's a poorly done website

these are he's got so many outfits yeah he's got a lot like dozens and dozens oh he's got a pirate hat in this one that's cool or wait no that's an admiral hat i don't i don't know what what this is but it's cool who's he with the guy does he make something for his little brother i'm confused i don't think that's his i bet he doesn't make anything for anybody else because this is his look. He thought of it. He thought of bringing it back at least. You don't want to share that limelight. I'm bringing sexy back.

He just looks like rocking it all the time. Let me see. Can't. God damn it. Is it because the Instagram website sucks? Here he is with a bow. Are you struggling? With a boat, you said, or a bow?

A bow. A bow. Oh, is it a aqua bow with a gray suit? No. Now, on this, is he riding one of those hoverboards in this video? Please link it. one of those hoverboards in this video?

Please link it. Or is that very skilled footwork? Oh, here he is. Is he roller skating? I don't know. No, he's just using his feet. How's he doing that? Look at this one.

Looks like a specter. Dude, imagine that coming at you late at night. That's really creepy. You'd shoot first-ass questions later. You'd be so spooky. Ah! Got him! Don't worry.

I got him. Some kind of time-traveling vampire just stepped right out of Hardee's. I got him, everybody. How is that not a skirt that he's wearing it's a full dress is what it is but I guess back in the day they wore dresses I don't know I'm going to make a leap here and say that they did not wear dresses back in the day

but this gentleman has decided along with dressing at that period as a man to occasionally dress as a woman because that makeup he's wearing that's Elizabethan period makeup that's that

full white face with the rosy cheek shit that Queen Elizabeth would put on her face that at the time was made out of lead which is why she looks so horrific but I'm pretty sure this gentleman is gay looks so horrific but i'm pretty sure this gentleman is um it's gay

now you name 10 things that lead he looks like in this one with the face the face makeup just because of the angle and like the silly thing he's making on the left. He looks like when Dennis and Mac dress up as old foppish dandies, and he's like, Hello! Hello! A little more vibrato. Even more

than that. Even higher? Yeah. He has that on his soundboard. He plays that shit continuously. Oh, man. He really does look like him. I'm going to grab a picture of them.

This guy's absolutely cool guy of the week material. Nobody's unseating him. I think this is him. I think this is him. I mean, he didn't jump an RV 100 feet killing his wife, but God damn if he doesn't make a nice... Look at this. It's the same thing.

It's the same thing it's the same thing compare those yes oh i like when i see people who have like the most niche of niche interests and they turn it into a career which it seems like he has here i'm sure that he makes these kind of tailored clothes at a very high price for other people. But like, do you guys get what I'm saying? I'm like, he's the worst Instagram influencer, right? Because he's not like going on vacations or selling Merrell shoes

or whatever. He's known for doing custom clothing. So like, what, maybe it's Maybelline? Who sponsors this dude? I mean, he's wearing makeup in a lot of things. Maybe that's it. He does wear a lot of makeup. In the 1811 collection. It's not all about money, Woody.

This is his man's passion. But wait, didn't Taylor just say he made it a career? It wasn't, but we were talking about money. I think he did, just because of the way it's branded. It's like his tailoring. Anything you see here, I can make for you. All inquiries welcome so yeah i i'm sure he does work does work for maybe theater and uh maybe movies and certainly like costumes

for for all purposes man it's really impressive what he's what he's done there he's he's very talented he should branch out into other eras of history like i'm sure he's really into this like this era but come on dude you got a lot of skill do do like fucking viking shit or something i like those high crotched napoleonic era pants that are made for a man with a micro penis you don't like like the tight thighs and then the it rides up right into your scrotum right into the scrotum like like like like just forgetting that the man even has a penis just why they call me that's whatever like i mean maybe this is the era where they like asked guys like do you dress to

the right or the left you know where they ask you like in what side your dick hangs down that's a weird question i never felt like my clothes needed to be ask you in what side your dick hangs down. That's a weird question. I never felt like my clothes needed to be tailored to accommodate which side my dick is on. I'm a lefty. I go left. Kyle, how about you? Are you a righty? Lefty? Left. Lefty? Ha ha. Left. Ha ha. Left.

Master race. Left side! I feel like my clothes fit and I could use either side yeah cargo shorts don't have to be tailored i'm not wearing cargo shorts i get falsely accused of wearing car they're just like mowing days and stuff just mowing days and you know trips to the store mondays and tuesdays and most thursdays and saturday of course. That's not even true. I'm relaxing. Sundays,

that's when I... They are shorts, yes, but they don't have pockets. Eventually, jean shorts are going to come back in style. They were never in style by me. I like it when you just cut off regular jeans and make jean shorts out of those and they're very tight in the thigh.

At the beach, we would mock how stupid jean shorts were. We're wearing shorts that are the equivalent of a Hawaiian shirt. You guys are so dumb. You're not cool. It was backwards.

The board shorts. How were people who wore the European style bathing suits viewed? Not favorably. Yeah, because you guys were wearing board shorts, which in my opinion is the coolest and most appropriate bathing suit for a man. And then sometimes I've seen those dudes who are wearing what I would think would be a nice pair of panties for for a girl what was like yeah i mean even on the swim team no one was comfortable wearing that shit and we had to now they're better you know what i think is a little weird then when the fighters

wear like yoga pants like conor mcgregor wears them a lot to work out. I can imagine that they're wearing nothing at all, like the Simpsons dude. They just look a little feminine to me. They're yoga pants. He's showing off that hog. He's wanting everybody to see. Dude, that guy gets erect at weigh-ins. Conor McGregor legitimately sports a boner to most of his weigh-ins. He's excited. The man loves his job. When you walk into work, if you're not three-quarters of the way there,

then what's the fucking point of life? I'm so hard right now. The chicken farm aren't hard as it can be. Not only are we here with PETA, not only are they killing chickens, all of them are erect. But I agree with you, Kyle. You're hard right now because you're having fun.

We're all hard the whole time. What are you two other hands doing right now? You guys always ask. I mean, this is why the show is only four hours long. Anymore, we'd have to call our doctor. I got so much. Oh, that reminds me, Blue Chew. I was about to say I've got so much Blue Chew here.

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Look at that. I'm showing it on the screen during the Blue Chew ad. But yeah, the article is Conor McGregor finally breaks silence on erection bulge. And I couldn't read what he wrote. He used the... Yeah, showed him hog. Aborigine emoji? What is this word? An aborigine

We'll see God damn you It's the same thing as an eggplant It's that purple thing that we use for cock Yeah, so he just tweeted his own picture And then the eggplant How do you know what an aborigine is? I know because I cook individual well because i follow uh 18th century dandies on on uh i'm shocked that

you knew what an aborigine was okay i'm sorry go ahead woody oh that's it uh conor mcgregor that's not his only boner at the weigh-ins there's a bunch of them if you search for conor mcgregor hard on you know it's just way after way and mostly midwether but that's pretty funny that he just goes out there with a boner yeah i mean he may have been on some sort of um so one thing that um um is like like um so then so denifil is good for working out because it increases blood flow um he may have literally been on viagra as part of his preparation for the fight. Maybe. Or maybe he just loves his job, like you said.

Maybe he's just... Yeah, sure, I'm hard. It's not as hard as my dick is right now. It's not nearly as hard as you're going to get hit in the face. Fucking cock slap you. I wonder if it's a side effect of a PID. You know, like a performance enhancing drug. I don't know.

McGregor's never been caught and not even really accused, I don't think. I don't take honey to being called a PID. What the fuck do you think you are? Man's got a big old hog and there's no reason to be jealous of that. There's lots of reasons to be jealous of that, Kyle.

No reason to accuse him of using performance enhancing drugs. The only performance enhancing drug that we need is blue cheese. It's definitely a PED and it's one that you can get legally without going to the doctor, without going to the pharmacy. Get it shipped

right to your house. It's in a little brown envelope. Nobody knows what you're getting. Yeah, you're just getting custom medicine. I highly recommend the Cialis version, which is the Tadalafil. Get the Tadalafil, not the Sildenafil. Huge

difference. Much better. It's what you want. There it is. Now you know. Yep. What do we got, boys boys i'm just looking at picture after picture of connor mcgrady you guys you guys just looking at mma fighters yeah i've gone into quite the rabbit hole here like i need to show more pictures of connor's dick to prove he does this all the time just you know one after another i I can stop. Go to his Instagram. On his Instagram, you can see he's opting his underwear, you know, flexing

and stuff. And I'll tell you who looked I saw on Jon Jones' Instagram today. Jon Jones looks huge. Are we still talking about penises? No. We're talking about physique. He looks like he's ready to go heavyweight ahead of this Tiago Santos fight

that's coming up in a little less than two weeks. He looked thick as fuck. He's going to have a hard time making 205. He looks big. The biggest I've ever seen him. Can't wait for that. That's going to be a great night of fights. When is he fighting again?

He's fighting not this Saturdayurday but the one after that i think or maybe maybe two which picture impressed you so much was it the black and white one where he's next to the guy with yeah the power shirt in white yeah yeah that one he does look big in there so john jones's body type is kind of long and thin and uh he uses it really well like he controls range super well and he's not usually long and strong but he yeah looks long and strong in that picture he looks i'm sure he's got a pump there as well you know he's probably just right after a hard fucking workout. But yeah, to answer your question, it's July 6th. So it's not this Saturday, but next Saturday, I believe.

And if you're not like a big UFC fan, if you're kind of like a real casual fan who maybe watches one event a year or like two events a year, this might be one of those that you want to tune in for because it's got a little bit of everything. All five of the main fights are like names. And the top three are big names and and a lot of stuff's on the lines and on the line and there's there's good storylines as well you know with john jones of course fighting

the third time this year and we're and we're barely gonna be in obviously roided the fuck out i mean he's passing the test the most stringent test on the planet. Passing goes by testing positive and letting him fight. Not testing positive. You just dislike the man because he made your boy cry. Made him cry. Made him cry like a baby in the ring. Made the family man cry like a big old fat baby.

He talks about how he has two wins over Cormier. He has a win and a no contest because he tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. He has a win and then the time he made the man cry. So we won't count the time he made him cry. We'll count that as a no contest where one of them cried because he was so concussed. And I think the winner was the one not crying, the one holding the big shiny 12-pound golden belt. Oh, the one they took the belt from and gave it back to the loser?

Yeah, they gave it to the loser and then as soon as the big man came back and was eligible to fight again, he was like, maybe I go to another weight class. He was already double champ before that happened. Let me just go ahead and... Oh, no, you can have my belt.

I don't want to defend it. You can have it. They're want to defend it you can have it they're supposed to give it away they're talking about fighting in 205 what a bitch move from cormier when he just he was just like yeah john here's your belt back i was keeping it warm for you while you was gone here you go take it back last time you had it you concussed me so bad i cried in front of joe rogan john Jon Jones can't win without performance enhancing drugs. Jon Jones has not tested positive for anything in a very long time, and I don't count picograms of a metabolite.

They were higher in his most recent fight than they were in the fight before that. Yeah, they were. So I'm sure that he hasn't been taking him all this time and his counts just keep going up oddly i am okay and so are the scientists that you know the ufc hire and you know they think they're doing these forty thousand dollar tests on him like eight times a year and they're not finding anything they are finding things they just move the fight to california where you're allowed to fight on steroids. He wasn't on steroids. It's just such a misconception. Why wouldn't the Nevada Athletic

Commission wouldn't let him fight anymore? Because they considered metabolites of something he took years ago to be a problem, and nobody else did. Yeah, the truth is neither of us are scientists, but not just me, the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

Hmm. Not just me. The Nevada State Athletic Commission. Not just me. But then the California Athletic Commission, they thought this. I just disagree. I just don't think he's on steroids. He's not testing positive for any steroids. Nobody's. He's getting cut.

All the scientists are saying that it's from what he got punished for years ago anyway we should drop it but the science is mixed undefeated undisputed sure facts

he has a loss on his record not for long that is possible facts. He has a loss on his record. Not for long. That is possible. They'll make it into a contest. But, yeah. You guys want to watch a road rage fight? Yes. Does one guy have a bat and the other a long stick? I didn't watch

it, but Chiz linked it, and I assume this is the one you're discussing. I've seen every road rage incident in the last decade. Well, do you recommend this one? Alright, Taylor, Taylor, without knowing anything, is your money on bat or long stick? Well, how long is the stick?

I don't know, but that's... Five feet. When I see the stick length, I'll make my decision. Well, then you get to see the people involved. I want you to make a decision without knowing. Okay, I'm going to go with stick man. Oh, good, because I wanted Batman all along. All right, Stickman versus Batman.

Let's do it. I need the link. It's pages upon pages of links. Sorry, let me... Oh, no, I liked it. I got it. Yeah, I'll link it again. It's at the very bottom.

Gotcha, I'll get there. All right. It's at the very bottom. Gotcha. I'll get there. Alright. It takes me a moment to queue up the videos. Who did you have going in the first time, Kyle? You always want the bat. People are going to close distance with it. You want something that you can get some quick quacks in. Not some big long swinging thing.

I just think bats are a near-ideal distance for swinging and hitting things. That's really what they're all about. That's why I like that. Well, you know, I'm an underdog kind of guy. All right, ready, set, play. Batman walking up. Oh. Stickman's a little bigger.

He is. Oh, and he forgot to put his car in park. Stickman's a little bigger. He is. Oh, and he forgot to put his car in park. Stickman is really indecisive on his arrival. Whoa, that's like a broom handle. Oh, Batman! Pink! Pink! Pink! Pink! Oh, Batman's going... Stickman is turning it into a wrestling match. Oh, wait, chill, chill, chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't leave this. Oh, Batman took the stick from him.

I got to give Batman the victory on this. Oh, yeah. He disarmed Stickman. He disarmed Stickman. That didn't even look like a stick. It looked like a big piece of crown molding or PVC pipe. Yeah. I took it as a broom handle.

It almost looked like a board, but it was long. It was a good five and a half feet long or something like that you always want the bat and that was an aluminum bat which if you if you're next time you're walmart pick up one of those children's size aluminum bats one of the ones it's like 30 inches or so it's so light that you can like flick it with your wrist but it's hard as a goddamn rock because you know it's made of aluminum you could like flick it with your wrist but it's hard as a goddamn rock because you know it's made of aluminum you could just you could pummel the fuck out of somebody with that thing and just be ping ping ping like joe pesci in a cornfield dude i've re-watched this fight

i'm on my third watching now big guy with the stick can really take some hits you know yeah he was he was taking a lot of head and shoulder strikes. He's kind of doing a defense like this and getting hit on the back of his shoulder blade and it doesn't seem to bother Stickman. Well, you know, no one's knocking Stickman for gumption. He showed a lot of it.

He did. See, I saw this, or I guess Chiz linked this. We'll give credit where credit's due this uh from the sun which from what i've heard from people in the uk is their most reputable paper and it is it's called uber disturbing man who quote posed as uber driver to target drunk students and quote is arrested wearing fake penis and this guy is a fucking loser because if you're gonna do a crime like that go whole hog you know both literally and figuratively there you know take your take your hog out and just have it out why risk getting

in trouble for a fake dick when you could just do the same thing with your real dick and it's probably the same punishment, right? I like to think that it's not the same punishment. I choose to believe that he's going to avoid any kind of criminal record because it's like, I didn't show my dick. But you guys are acting like I whipped my dick out. I totally didn't. Your Honor, my client at no point ever took out his entire penis. In fact, none of the penis was ever visible. Will you display on the screen the fake phallus my client is wearing?

And it's just like covered in cum and shit. Take the picture down, actually. This is a very helpful product. We're in deep trouble now. Unfortunately, that's not nearly the worst of his charges. He faces second-degree kidnapping charges. And apparently there were some photographs on his phone of unconscious women in his vehicle. And he did have his loaded firearm with him, as well as his fake Uber sign and his artificial male genital device, which he was wearing.

I want to see a picture of what kind of fake dick this was i want to make his own i like to imagine that it's one of those bad dragon dicks it so he had like a tentacle coming out of his it's just a just a two foot long horse dick yeah i don't know that that this is true it's bright yellow one person accuses him of this it's not like 22 people came out all saying the same thing. Yeah, it's funnier to believe it, though. What don't you believe is true?

I mean, if one person says a guy does this, how do we know if it's true? Because they arrested him, and they caught him with the photos of the women and the fake cock. What you gotta look at this that's important is watch the video up to 13 seconds at the top, and as he's getting put in the back of the cop car he's wearing a big dog shirt and the back of it says so when's this old enough to know better supposed to kick

in oh sure he's wearing he's getting arrested i think it just kicked in i think i think it just kicked in there buddy uh man let's bring back big dog style let's not have big dog stores i i they definitely don't have big dog stores well they did in florida when i was 11 they did in ocean city too see what thank you a little bit of backup there yeah god i can't believe that was big dog shirts were hilarious. Do you remember the one where, like, well, Kyle, the reason you don't like it? He says, you're not a big dog, so you need to stay on the porch. I like the do it with things.

Like the, you know, electricians do it with power kind of thing. Oh, man, I'm going to order some big dog shirts on Amazon. Let's see how much they are big dog shirt oh my god this is hilarious the auto complete for big dog shirts big dog shirts for men 4x big dog shirt size 5x big dog shirts for men 5x big dog shirts 3x there are not fit people wearing big dog shirts what's this say kyle uh this is how long each candidate took to respond to a question oh no this is their cumulative answers is how much air time they got and i think i'm looking at each little square as how long each answer was yeah yeah if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch. I'm ordering this shirt right now.

Oh, damn it. I don't want it at 4X. I will say, they're manufacturing. That's the smallest size. I will do that. I'll order a 5X big dog shirt and wear that. Oh, Yang barely got any air time. a 5x big dog shirt and wear that oh yang barely got any air time because in my so a lot of my exposure comes like from the internet and yang's all over the internet but not tv i guess yeah

i think he's more over the internet because yang gang rhymes and it's funny and it's more like an ironic cheering him on because it's like no nobody thinks this guy has a fucking snowball's chance in hell i never thought he had a real chance but he was on the jre and he did really well there he was on bill maher show i think you know hbo and he did well there and i just didn't expect him to get two minutes of airtime in the whole debate it's hard too because they like they don't ask the questions the same you know like they'll like hit the same people over and over and then like like the the fringe fellas on the side i feel like they always get left out which frankly kind of for good reason like why are you even there nobody nobody's voting yang for president like you're not gonna you're not gonna make i already said i'm voting i'm writing an oj

and oj is going to get more votes than than andrew yang Kyle, are you down to write in OJ as well? I would write in OJ if I were allowed to vote. All right, he's going to get two more votes than Andrew Yang is going to get. No, he's not. No, probably not. Man, I'm watching the people versus OJ Simpson right now again, the second time. You forget just how many crazy fucking things like like happened during that trial like like i had forgotten why it was that uh why it was that they they had him try on the

glove you know and then i i caught that part in the show where oh that's right. They found the receipt for the glove, proving he owned them. Really? Yes! Nicole had bought him those gloves. Man, that's a pretty damning bit of info. Yes, it is. There were a lot of damning bits. Yeah, the DNA evidence was kind of convincing as well. His blood is at the crime scene. Her blood and Ron Goldmanman's blood is in his car her blood's on his socks in his bedroom there's a trail of blood that leads to his house they claim that oj simpson

wasn't athletic enough to pull off that murder meanwhile his like dancer size video was coming out wait are you joking is that really a thing they said yeah from my old memory but yeah one of the best athletes of all time he just he couldn't quite edge out what like a run-of-the-mill fat serial killer might do no couldn't do that that's crazy i never watched that series and i was too young to follow it but i can't believe it we i worked um like tech support like on the phones at the time at this company called qad anyway all the phones shut down. Everyone gathered around an FM radio

to listen as they announced the verdict. And everyone was shocked. The whole world was shocked that OJ got off. He did? It's incredible. They made the evidence collectors look like racists. And they made them look incompetent to the point where the people just didn't believe the evidence.

I heard, and I don't know if this is true, but they said it during the OJ thing, that normally the prosecutor is more competent than the defense attorney, normally. And that probably there was a lot of public defenders and stuff that lower that average. But in OJ's case, the defense attorney was more competent than the prosecutor

and they just got outdone. Well, that was definitely true. I mean, they had a team of of of they're still stars like you know dershowitz is a household name um who was the johnny cochran house johnny cochran yeah robert um and kardashian was even there you know he was he was on the team it's ridiculous that he got off. Is that his name? Kardashian was his attorney? For some reason I thought the kids had a different name. His friend and the attorney, yeah. It's Kim Kardashian's father. I don't know where I got it in my head that

he had a different last name, but I just made that up, I guess. The Jenner guy later on. Chris married Caitlyn Jenner. Before Caitlyn was Caitlyn Jenner guy later on. Chris married Caitlyn Jenner before Caitlyn was Caitlyn Jenner. That's called dead naming someone, by the way, when you use their old name to describe them.

It's a real faux pas, I'm told. Really? It's called dead naming. I think Kyle's mistake there was innocent. Oh, yeah. I don't give a fuck. I'll call him whatever I want. Yeah, you know it's... I think Kyle's mistake there was innocent, but... Oh, yeah. I don't give a fuck. I'll call him whatever I want. No, you'd be correct because he was a bruise at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I wasn't correcting myself because I felt like I'd made a mistake or I'd done anything wrong. I'll call him Bruce Jenner all day. I don't care. Dead name. I don't think I'll fucking go wrong. That sounds really intense.

Wait, didn't he have the surgery? Yeah, I'm not sure. Nah, he definitely kept his pecker. I'm gonna Google it. He had a couple surgeries. He definitely didn't get it cut off right away. When you're that old, probably just

you know... Call it a wrap. Keep it. You know, it's served you well. Yeah, I'm with you there. So, I mean, Do the boob jobs and grow your hair out and all that and running into people with your car and nobody remembers because

you got away with it, I guess. Didn't he do that? Didn't he kill someone in a car accident? Killed a woman, yeah. Buckle up, buckaroos. Steamed over someone. She definitely got rid of her penis hot are you how do you know does is there a picture of the post it's on self.com uh yes caitlin jenner revealed that she had gender affirming surgery but it's no one's business

and they go on to devote paragraph after paragraph saying that we shouldn't care but sure enough uh she got rid of the penis did you see that poll the other day about it i saw a poll the other day and it was uh it was polling to see what percentage of straight people or cisgendered people who who were also straight would be attracted to a trans person and only three percent were and the and the the art the author was just mind blown that that that the entire world was full of bigots like this like like only 3.5 i misunderstood because there are some trans people who are just hot and you don't even know they're trans. Yes. Yeah. But the poll was, you know, would you have a romantic relationship

with someone who was trans? Yeah. Now that's a tougher pill to swallow. But would I be fooled by some of the hottest trans people? Oh, you'd be... Sure. Yeah.

Well, that's neither here nor there. No, that's... That's the difference between, like, do you believe in ghosts and would you fuck a ghost? Well, um... I don't know if I believe in them, but I definitely fuck it. I don't know if I get anything out of it, but we give it a go. You know what?

I'm going to buy this fucking thing online, and if you call me Taylor, you will be deadnaming me, because I am now the Duke! online and if you call me Taylor you will be dead naming me because I am now the Duke! If you become Duke Taylor I'm going to have to be Sir Kyle. When you said I'm going to buy this thing online I'm like please still be talking

about the big dog shirt. Please still be talking about the big dog shirt. After the show I'm going to have to find one that's not quadruple XL and then I'm ordering it. I think if you had a bunch of fake, all kinds of fake credentials behind you on the wall over there, get yourself an diploma in astrophysics or something. I'm going to take down that golden play button

and put up my Duke of Square Foot. Nottingham. Do you get to make up your own british sounding place no because it's a real knighthood or a real earlship or whatever the fuck but like they're the yeah yeah it's a locale and they're actually doing it they're not it's not just somebody printing off something i mean it is but like they have the authority to do it have you heard of sealand are you familiar with it i just looked they have the authority to do it. Have you heard of Sealand? Are you familiar with it?

I just looked it up. The Principality of Sealand has 27 people. Yeah. I think it's an island off Great Britain, right? One of those that makes it difficult to understand what Great Britain is. Yeah, that sounds about right. Sealand, UK, maybe? Yeah, it's Princip right. Sealand UK, maybe? Yeah, it's Principality of Sealand.

It's a micronation that claims Ruff's Tower, an offshore platform in the North Sea approximately 12 kilometers off the... This is boring already. Sealand from above is just like a raised platform. That's so funny. Man, Sealand looks shitty. I don a raised platform. That's so funny. Man, Sealand looks shitty. I don't want to be a duke here.

No one else will have you, sir. Area. Area claimed total,.004 kilometers squared. I can't see it on the map. Google Maps doesn't zoom in enough. I know people who own more land than that. Oh, of course you do. Yeah. Wait,.004 square kilometers?

What is that in acres? That's 0.00... Well, let's pop that into Google and see. Convert square kilometers to acres and then divide for me. Two acres. 0.988 acres.

I have more land than that. Wait, wait, wait. Now, Woody, hear me out. Wait, wait, wait. If I give you $160, can I be a duke? Sure. You're telling me that Sealand is one acre? Yeah, it's one acre.

Did you look up the picture and see what it is? Would you please yeah yeah here's here's sea land the principality of sea land i can't look it up on the holy shit you're right it's 0.9884 acres it's less than an acre why would they be their own thing in the sea it's sea land it's not a it's not an island, folks. This is where you're Duke. Just so you guys know, it looks like the most pathetic

oil platform of all time. There are oil platforms that look much cooler than this. It's literally like two pylons that come out of the water and a rectangular platform on top, and then somewhere you'd land a helicopter. Who lives there? 28 people is way too many.

It is way too many. The prince of Sealand is Michael Bates. So let's see. He's a British author and businessman. How much for prince? There could be more than one prince. Right? I don't know. Aren't there like a bunch of princes

and then one of them becomes king? Does he? Aren't, like in the royal family, aren't two of them called prince? Sure, but he'd have to be his brother. Who's the king of Sealand?

Ah, you and your rules. I think the rules might be different in Sealand. Wait, no, is this just like a little bit of, what does that mean, a principality?

Like, I know what it means in the context of normal stuff, but this says principality of Sealand. Is it just part of England? Don't get us started down that mean, a principality? I know what it means in the context of normal stuff, but this says principality of Sealand. Is it just part of England? Don't get us started down that road, dude. You're going to have to watch a 15-minute YouTube video to understand the difference between the Isle of... There's a lot of complicated shit going on over there.

All right? Don't get started. On the afternoon... The 06 fire. On the afternoon, the 06 fire. On the afternoon of 23rd, 23 June 2006, the top platform of the Ruffs Tower caught fire due to an electrical fault. A Royal Air Force

rescue helicopter transferred one person to the hospital directly from the tower. Man, that's the most, that's a national tragedy. The day the country burned. The country burned the country burned it took weeks to repair in its entirety i wonder if he could just build onto that platform and claim more and more land and and like if he wanted two acres could he just double that

fucking platform he's got out there so here's the sea land has three businesses i think they're all interesting one is coins and stamps which is they just make bullshit coins and shit and sell them. Two, Titles of Nobility, something we've already stumbled upon. And three, Haven Co. Now that third one I knew a little bit about already. It's a data haven with no rules. So I knew about Sealand because the Pirate Bay was hosted in Sealand forever. And they were, like, exempt from all the rules and laws of normal, like, legitimate countries.

So I'm making this part up. But, like, I wonder if there's a lot of child porn in Sealand, you know, or other piracy or just things that you know america or england or whoever wouldn't not when i'm a duke there won't be i wonder if you can just show up and and like dressed like that foppish dandy just show up and be like what are you what are you doing here uh address me as the you i you are looking at the superior. I am the Duke of Sealand. And it's like, yeah, 200,000 people are. You're the first one to come here dressed like an 1809 dandy. That's a new Patreon level.

To send Taylor to Sealand as a Duke. Dressed in this guy's, in my finest threads. Man, this is so cool. Are there more countries like this? That it's just like a little tiny country where they do whatever they want? I wonder how much a country like that would cost. It seems like you could buy a

worthless island in the middle of nowhere for a reasonable penny. We've looked at this before. Privateislands.com There's a lot of them that are First of all, they're like part of countries already. You don't get your own country. You're buying this from someone who's a citizen. It's already a piece of a country.'re part of countries already. You don't get your own country. You're buying this from someone who's a citizen.

It's already a piece of a country, let's just say that. But some of them are quite affordable. I mean, sometimes you're buying a real shithole chunk of land out in a lake or in an ocean. But anywhere from a couple hundred thousand dollars, $90,000 islands, there's $300,000 islands. But then there's $25 million islands where it's like, holy shit. I, I am a Duke here. Like,

holy fuck. There's a lot of micronations. I did not know that. Yeah. So I need to price these low to high. I had it backwards. Man, this is,

let's buy a micronation and go be Dkes no wait i call king i called it that's the highest rank but as king i appoint both of you my princes so 74 000 is the cheapest island, and it's in Nova Scotia. Yeah, I don't want an island in Nova Scotia. It's going to be chilly. It's going to be chilly. Well, here's one in Nicaragua. No thanks. Here's one in Florida.

I don't know what happens down there. I might get surrounded by fucking dinosaurs. There's a bunch of them. Yeah, by geriatrics. Belize? I might get surrounded by fucking dinosaurs. There's a bunch of them. By geriatrics. Belize? I wonder if it'd be funny to like wage war as

Sealand. Like make an alliance with Canada and then piss off the Philippines or something and be like, Canada please! And they're like, oh fuck. I could just drag them into a war with the Philippines. You can just show up at United Nations meetings as if you're the equal of Trump and Merkel. Oh, did you see? But I'm wearing

the Papa New Guinea thing with the horn on my dick. Did you see that? Did you see that picture? Did you see the representative from Papa New Guinea at the UN? He's got his best cock gourd on. He's got his dead bird of paradise hat. No shirt. That guy rules. He's just his best cock gourd on. He's got his dead bird of paradise hat. No shirt. That guy rules.

He's sitting there like, maybe I should have actually worn that suit. But it's weird. He probably thinks he's the normal one. No. He got there and he figured it out real quick. He's got to feel so uncomfortable. Not even a single other person

has a cock cord on. And would you believe women are allowed to speak? I don't know what happens in Papua New Guinea. Merkel, I think I've got the right world leader. She got the shakes again.

Remember we looked at her on video? Oh, she got the shakes again. Again, yeah. And she's retiring, right? Am I crazy? Do I make that up? Yeah, I think her time's over. I wonder if

there's a health issue that she'll reveal after her retirement is finished. Maybe it's Parkinson's. I don't really care for her and her country. You don't like Germany? The fatherland has not been kind to the rest of the world.

And I don't feel like they pick up the dime on that whole NATO defense situation. No, well, most of them don't. But I want to go visit all those European countries. It seems neat. I've never been. Go to the Oktoberfest. Yeah, that always looks like fun. Like the post-Oktoberfest pictures where everybody's just yakking in the street.

That is the opposite of fun to me. That would be such a horrible environment for me. It's like overcrowded vomiting drunks. Like, that's the worst. You know, when in Rome, you gotta do that.

I have to? Yeah, you have to. I'm not gonna do a drinking episode with no one watching. That's stupid. No, it's a law. There are German cops going around Not with guns but with breathalyzers Beer bongs Like oh this guy is sober I noticed you have fallen to a.07

How about we bump that up This micro nation thing Really has got my noggin jogging Alaska has a beautiful one This micro-nation thing really has got my noggin jogging. Alaska has a beautiful one. Do you get to make your own laws? If you don't, I'm out. If you have your own micro-nation, can some other country come in and be like,

oh, you can't do that. Can't you just do whatever you want? Anything? I would hope so. If the higher-up was hosted there, you probably could. Like, could you remove the age of consent? That's straight where Kyle goes. You probably could if you're the Duke of Sealand.

I'm the president, CEO, CFO, king. Emperor? Name it. Führer? Judge? Yeah, you're the whole gamut. I'd love to be the Führer. Oh, Jesus Christ. The Führer? yeah you're the whole gamut I'd love to be the Führer oh Jesus Christ

the Führer of Sealand it's you and fucking 19 other people streaming and torrenting movies and that's the entire generation Sealand suffered a devastating blow to their economy

when the DVD player became obsolete don't give me that lazy little Heil Kyle Land suffered a devastating blow to their economy when the DVD player became obsolete. Don't give me that lazy little Heil Kyle. No, no. Up high and proud. So you can have official hats of your little country.

All sorts of stuff. Sorry Kyle, you cut out. What were you saying? Nothing. This island I linked has broadband internet. That's pretty... I mean, that's a high priority. Some other stuff too. City water, power, cable, phone. But broadband internet would be the big one. Nice view. So I'm going to buy

it when I'm really rich someday. Take all the trees out. You don't have to be that rich. You could afford it. I mean, it's $170,000. Yeah, I can't afford that. I just bought a house. Sell a house? Buy the island? Sell a house and buy Spoon Island in Alaska and then just live in the woods?

Okay, the more I say it, the more you know. You could do this job from that island. Apparently it has broadband. I could have been there in the woods under a wet tarp, shivering. I spent all my money there in the woods under a wet tarp, shivering.

I spent all my money to get to the island. Wearing a crown. Wearing a crown. Worth it. Look around. Worth it. It's a BK crown. Is that the BK crown? Yes.

Worth it. Worth it. They didn't tell me. When they said population four, it. Worth it. They didn't tell me that when they said population four, it was all bears. There's a huge bear problem in my country.

And I'm the only prey. Two acres and four bears. I'm really in trouble here. When I started handing out dukedoms, I didn't expect so many people to show up. Oh, man, this would be a cool bug-out move, though. Like 10 years before the whole world goes to shit,

you buy one of these, kind of customize it, and then you just have your little island with your bear friends and fish. Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's pretty self-sufficient. All you need is some sort of... I mean, the food and water's there, clearly. You got fish and that water looks... Ocean water, I think.

Get your desalinator going. Delicious. Yeah. You can make your own entertainment. Plays and things with you and yourself. Yeah, that's a quick... That's a quick road to insanity right there when you start putting on your own plays.

I'd be there for a week before I was talking to myself in different voices. Kyle would lose six PUBGs in a row due to latency and move pack. Welcome to tonight's showing of The Matrix. I will be playing all the parts.

And begin. There's just one poor stray fisherman just taped up to a chair i'm doing the backwards bullet dodging part now you're doing your own sound effects now you have to imagine lots of bullets and then and then i'm gonna i jump down like this imagine like a hundred agent smiths but i'm also agent smith so i guns lots of guns that's the second movie that's the second movie with all the agent smiths

no no you were right that's the first one we'll get to the second one later yeah tonight on 60 minutes a man kidnapped by a madman who purchased an island lived there for three weeks watched the entire Lord of the Rings series it was just the same he was playing all the characters and when I asked him about the eagle loophole he beat me about flying the

ring to Mordor I was still on the matrix I was confused what's a fun idea? What is the first thing you would do if you woke up and you were a different race? Which race am I? It doesn't say. Well, then that's not much of a question. Oh, regardless of the race, I would check out how big my penis is.

Well, if you become a whole new person, I think that that's a given. I'd like to know what's going on everywhere. But I think it's important to know what race you are, what might or may not do okay if you're asian what do you check i go to china and join the winning team that's what i do is i hope i wake up chinese and then i'm like oh it's all going to work out all right and then i go over to china and then i'm like suddenly i'm on the winning but you don't learn Mandarin. You just do that accent in English. Oh, yeah. When I change into Asian, I never actually learn Mandarin.

And everybody's just like, what the fuck is this guy doing? This guy just seems like racist somehow. All I do is talk like this, and I spit on the ground in public transportation. I mean, I think if I become black, then I immediately use my... Check out your penis size. Just me, apparently, on this. I'm not all that worried about my cock.

You're really fixated on this one aspect. Oh my god, you're going to become Asian? You're going to become black? What about Native American? There's a whole grab bag of races. Actually, wait, no. Iceland is still white. What if you become

Korean? Go to North Korea. Go into the retirement home and I'm going to scare some old vets. That's also funny. Yeah, Korean. Chinese would be the best one because they're the up-and-comers.

They are, really. You just hop on there and go on over And bring your smog mask You're good to go But I think America still has a far higher Per capita income Yeah They'll catch up

I think I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about They got a lot of people though If I'm black I don't go anywhere, right? I don't want to get caught driving down the road in Kyle's car. Oh, yeah, because you're not Kyle anymore. No, this is my ID.

Yeah, we got him. Not even the same race on your ID. They kill me right there. Yeah, now I'm fucking Omar. How many guns are in this car? I don't know there could be some under the seats it could be some in the back now i'm omar jackson like like

and yet i'm driving kyle's car and i have kyle's driver's license like like and they can't find kyle but i'm living in his house and shit this sounds like a nightmare this sounds like the worst thing that could ever happen it's me kyle like he should gun you down yeah they kill me they kill me right there i saw that video where like there was a there was a black man like outside his dorm picking up trash as part of like the student like work program and the cops have him at gunpoint within five minutes put Put that weapon down! It's a trash grabber. He's like, I live here.

He's got a spear. It's got a sprite can on the end. I'm just trying to bump. Yeah, you do not want to be a black man without the correct credentials in this country. How about you wake up in your i would say brazilian but brazil is just a whole uh mix so there's not really a brazilian you know race but let's say hispanic like south american which country do you dip to oh brazil brazil looks pretty nice you know or maybe argentina um argentina is the really nice one down there i think yeah it's like panama is really nice one down there, I think.

Yeah, it's all the way at the bottom. Panama's really nice. Seems like they trade spaces sometimes. Isn't Chile really nice? Chile. So Nicaragua's... What's the one that's doing terribly right now with the oil problems? Venezuela.

Venezuela's what I'm going for. And they were the nice one 15 years ago. And maybe it was Colombia going to Venezuela and now it's the reverse. I know Argentina's always done decently. Argentina had a problem. I don't fucking know.

Venezuela's the one where they had that Hugo Chavez guy that I'm 80% sure that we murdered. Remember, he was the one who at the UN, George Bush just had gotten up and spoken. And then Hugo Chavez goes up next and he goes, You can smell the sulfur.

The devil was just here. He mysteriously got cancer three years later and died in about six weeks. That is unfortunate. But you know, their country was doing really well when oil prices were really high. People liked it. Yeah.

It was a place to be. But their whole economy was one product and now they're screwed. Yep. Yep. Kind of a shitty situation down there. One of those islands, maybe Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, something like that.

It's funny. The Dominican Republic, a bunch of Americans have died there recently, right? It's becoming this like recurring story and the representative from the Dominican public came out and they're like,

why are you guys making such a big deal out of this? Americans always die here. You're getting all worked up like it's a new thing. It just happens. And that was his last day as the minister of police.

What are you all pissed about? We just served him bootleg alcohol and they died of internal bleeding. Which seems to be what happened. The alcohol they were drinking killed him. Because there was that bootleg kind of... There was one story I saw where he had

one or two drinks at the bar and it was his wife saying it or something. And then the next morning he was vomiting blood and by the end of the day he was dead. So who knows what can kill you that fast? Like bleach or something, maybe? I don't know.

There's a huge sex tourism business in the Dominican Republic. We go to restaurants and stuff and there'd be these super super hot 19 year old girls. Usually I don't even know what they were ethnically, but like some sort of like black South American mix type thing with these 67 year old white guys who were fat. And you're like, dude, he's obviously paying her to hang out with him. And it would just be like all over the place. But they didn't care.

They're on vacation. And I think they're just like, I'll never see these people again yeah well i think that's all women right there we're all just paying them to hang out with us yep dude hashtag boys rule women suck we're better at sports i mean i at cooking. Hashtag your wife girls drool. Hashtag girls drool. You think your wife loves you, but if you started cutting things right down the middle and be like, hey, I'll just pay for things with my money

and you pay for things with your money, she wouldn't hang around much longer. I have to make my own food and buy my own clothes. What a pain in the ass that would be. You would just be sitting on Amazon. Just be like, I like this shirt. Order 20 and I'm done.

That's a sly little quantity thing now. I'd be like Steve Jobs wearing the same shirt every day. I should do that. Tucked into your dad jeans and your sneakers. Just a black mock turtleneck every day. That's how I get a lot of my clothes

is just on Amazon. Like just the Amazon Essentials because we're still in the era of super, super cheap Amazon clothes. I'm taking advantage of it. I'm sorry to all the Cambodians out there who had to sew that for me under terrible conditions. Yeah. That's the fucking way she goes, Ricky. of it. I'm sorry to all the Cambodians out there who had to sew that for me under terrible conditions. That's the fucking way she goes,

Ricky. I tried to show my dad that show, and he was not enjoying it. He did not like the Trailer Park Boys. I feel like... Did I give it a fair chance? My mom liked it. I showed her the one where Bubbles is outside getting stoned and

Ricky and Julian go in with the birthday presents filling them up with meat. And he's like, hey boys, I hate to interrupt your meat stealing operation but I'm fucking high out here. It's like coming over the PA system and they're like, pups, everybody can hear you in here. You gotta stop

that now. My mom's loving that shit. i wouldn't have liked the trailer park boys had i not had kyle as my trailer park tour guide and you know he's like this is this guy this is gonna happen they he pointed out some of the continuity on it um in the very first scene who's the guy with the drink in his hand the rum and julian julian didn't have it like because he's in jail i think it starts off he comes out he with the drink in his hand the rum and julian julian didn't have it like because he's in jail i think it starts off he comes out he gets a drink in his hand he's like you will barely ever see him without a drink in his hand again and uh i don't know just trailer park boys is better with a tour guide yeah yeah a lot of shows are like that like i've been i got

a bunch of people into sopranos recently um they've been watching the sopranos and and they'll get done with an episode and they'll type to me and I'll type back, like, hey, did you notice this? You noticed that? You noticed this? It's like, holy fuck. I didn't notice that. I gotta go back now. I gotta go back now. That's hilarious. Sopranos is great. You can watch that shit

over and over and you'll just find new stuff. New little facial expressions. New little cues that one character is giving the other. New little connections uh character motivations and stuff i love that shit we used to all agree that game of thrones was the best series to have ever been a thing right like and i think we continued to think that through season six and maybe seven um but season eight kind of took the rest of it down a notch perhaps what is the current best series ever uh probably the wire or breaking bad or sopranos um those three are up there and you

can ship them around however you'd like but i think that those are the the three best ever um breaking bad did did such a good job of like getting in and getting out and uh and the sopranos does such an amazing job of getting in and getting out. The Sopranos does such an amazing job of telling this weird story that you've never really seen before about this anti-hero. He's really the first anti-hero and he was the first gigantic

HBO series that took off like that. Then The Wire has just incredible writing. Each season has a different flavor of the week. It's like some Baskin-Robbins shit. You get chocolate in the first season and strawberry in the second. You get this delicious Neapolitan,

well-written crime drama from both sides, gangsters and cops, great characters that span the whole breadth of the thing. I'd have a hard time choosing my favorite. I've watched The Sopranos the most times over and over. I've only seen Breaking Bad twice all the way through. I feel bad for Walter White. I hate several of the characters a lot. I really hate his wife and his son and Hank. Not a big fan of Hank either either i liked walter i wanted

him to get away with it you know like like i i felt like his mode i liked his motivations made sense like everybody everybody was just fucking him over for his whole fucking life he was trying to do the right thing he's like all right fine i'm not gonna play by your rules anymore i'm gonna make my own rules but he hurt a lot of people with his new business right so i think other people valued you know strangers and i think you in your argument you're only valuing the people you know i only care about walter white yeah yeah yeah and i hate his family dad what what why would you do that to uncle hank like i'm your fucking father i've carried your crippled ass from day one. What did he do to Uncle Hank in this situation? You wrecked my Honda Aztec in that parking lot.

That was the last year we made those. That's a classic. It was like whenever Walt Jr. found out that his dad was up to no good, he immediately dropped his father a bad habit. It was like you wouldn't

do that to a friend you know like like like you you do that to your father you act like your father is now like just just poison and you don't want anything to do with him because you found out that that he's done some crimes good god like like this is the guy who's carried literally carried you your whole fucking life who who's who's made sure that you have a future because you can't get you probably won't be able to support yourself and and like like remember when those guys were like picking on Walt jr in that fucking store and Walt goes and kicks the shit out of the guy like like that's your dad that's the person in the world that loves you the most and and you're just gonna drop him like like he hasn't carried you every day of your fucking life up until this day when he needs you to pick him up a little bit you're gonna recoil

from him like he's poison that disgusted me that that just i i hated that yeah i see your point of view like if it was murder would that change your point of view it's his dad uh-huh it's his dad depends who he murdered i guess yeah like if you murder mom holy all right she did stuff for him too yeah but but but but if it's like yeah i killed tuco it's like who's tuco yeah with tuco i kind of get you but like what if he oh oh that might be sick. I doubt he just left because he wanted to. Oh. That vomit would have come out of nowhere.

Because he seemed fine all night. I bet he comes back and tells the story and says, you know what? It was time to leave immediately. Maybe he got one of their out-of-nowhere poops. That's right! I was like, I bet he trusted a fart that was not trustworthy.

Because given his diet, I bet that's a regular part of his day. Oh, God. Oh, no. Maybe just a yak. What happened? What? You had to run away real quick. Yeah, someone opened the door.

That's it? Did you get your food? Yeah, I got my fish sandwich. What did you actually order tonight? A fish sandwich. Bold choice. Show it to us. It's over there on the table.

Ah, sure. A fish sandwich. I believe you. Nobody eats fish the day after getting food poisoning. I bet you ordered a prostitute. Wait here, honey. I need to finish my podcast.

She's like, alright. But the clock starts now. Yeah. And I hated his wife. I hated that fucking overbearing cunt whore of a wife of his that chunky know-it-all bitch you were supposed to dislike her she got so fat by the end yeah that was fun to watch the wife's it's funny because i the wife was probably a better person than the wife's sister that kleptomaniac dick i prefer her she was hotter it's like you kind of preferred her i definitely i would rather be married to

the klepto than that overbearing blonde bitch well the klepto kind of dropped walter white too the klepto didn't have any like like all that connection all that you know all those deposits he had made in the in her emotional bank account over all that time counted for nothing as well well it's his brother sister-in-law you know i don't know that's the thing an incredible bond there and i mean a little bit i i expect more from the husband i don't think that she would have stuck by walter either you mean hank oh of course i met wal. If she was hypothetically married to Walter, I don't think she would have stuck by him any better than his wife did. Hmm.

I don't know. Hank stuck by her with all of her stealing and stuff, and she stuck by Hank through all of his, their minerals! You know? They were both okay with some hardships here and there. I just felt like these people's moral compass was just so far to the north. And I guess you had to do that so there'd be this big disparity between them and Walter White.

But it's like, Jesus Christ, is there anybody in here who's not a goddamn Boy Scout leader? Like nobody here has ever had a speeding ticket or is like, oh, you made how much money? Well, you got to stop gotta stop but like nice job baby like that's what that's what your wife might say if that's what she should have said right like i feel like i'm being morally corrupt but yeah just like look look look all right all right i don't like how we got here but here's where we are time to stop congratulations you don't have to feel like you're not a not thriving in this world anymore now you you've made enough let's just enjoy it from here yeah like if my wife came and she was like look i've been running a a hedge fund scam for the last three years i'm out nobody knows nobody can track it but i have 13 million

dollars that i have siphoned out of this thing everybody just thinks they're losses i've disguised the money it's gone nobody knows about it it's in cryptocurrency i'm like all right well we can't do that anymore all right and now that i know we definitely can't do that anymore. Now that I know, we definitely can't do it anymore. Great fucking job. Great fucking job. Fucking, you can wear the pants now. I'm looking forward to someone else buying dinners.

So about that joint bank account you want. About that joint bank account. Like, let's move, by the way. This place is not up to my standards you know i'm actually a duke of sealand wouldn't you like to be a duchess taylor how would you handle it if you learned that that your wife stole 13 million dollars from people well i would never betray my wife or anything and so i'd be on her side and help her but then i would i would make sure it was like all right well this stops today pretty much a

carbon copy of what kyle said where it's like this stops now i've heard that i immediately pull up countries without extradition laws and then find a really nice place to live there that is interesting like i i guess i'm a little blinders almost and thinking like, well, is any place as good as America? If you have $13 million, you can make quite the place. But I used to live in North Jersey.

I didn't like North Jersey. I thought North Jersey was, when Kyle drives to New Jersey, that's the part he's talking about. There are nice towns in North Jersey, but they are an oasis in a sea of shithole, according to me. You know, Franklinville comes to mind

if you guys are locals. But you drive eight miles anywhere, and you're in some ghetto. So, if you move to Zimbabwe with $13 million, you can make a pretty nice setup, but

is it good? Yeah. I don't know about Zimbabwe. Amazon next day delivery? I need that. You would need a country that has a long-standing stability of government.

Zimbabwe is probably a risky business. I don't know much about Zimbabwe I probably wouldn't go to Africa in general but like you know some Icelandic countries some Scandinavian nation somewhere

somewhere like that maybe maybe the good part of South America where they don't kidnap you yeah Argentina I've got a list here countries that don't extradite to Yeah, Argentina. Okay, I've got a list here. Countries that don't extradite to the U.S. Yeah, oh, it's actually kind of a long list.

But here we go. Afghanistan, Algeria, Andorra, Angola, Armenia, Bahrain, Bangladesh. I'm not loving many of these so far. I do not want to live in Bangladesh. That's where my t-shirts are made. Bosnia, Herzegovina, Brunei, Burkina Faso, some of these I don't know, Burma,

Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Central African Republic, Chad, mainland China. A lot of places I do not want to be. Mainland China, okay. Cameroos, the congo the other congo uh did you barati equatio am i saying this word right equatio guinea oh equatorial guinea equatorial thank you i knew it was off um ethiopia gabon guinea guinea basso indonesia ivory coast Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Indonesia, Ivory Coast, Kazakhstan, Kosovo, Kuwait.

Wait, maybe. Laos, Lebanon, Libya, Macedonia, Madagascar, Maldives. Oh, Madagascar. Boom. You can go see cool-ass animals, build a nice house. My mind's made up. Those big fucking Eidolimer things. Macaques.

Yeah. Skating ahead. Morocco comes to mind. That might be my favorite on this list the vatican i don't know if you can get real estate there i don't want to go to the vatican because like i don't think there's anything to do there right what do you do with the vatican if you live there just walk around the palace there's so many little boys you're in the middle of rome you never run out yeah wait but is but italy's not on that list and so if they figure their shit out and i leave and i'm just hanging out in italy and they cuff me and i go back like that's

that's a no-go you'd be you'd be afraid you'd be like uh julian assange in that embassy you're so i'm totally right i didn't think of that madagascar is a good one so far. Cool monkeys and that's the end of the list. How many people live in fucking Madagascar? I'm going to guess 11. Because it's mostly monkeys and those other animals. Let's see if country comes up

first or that movie comes up first. Oh, the population is a little higher than I guessed. It's 25 million. Bernie Sanders is going live on Twitch. That's great. You cannot appeal offline. It does not stop it. That should be on the soundboard.

That's good. That's good right there. I like that. Is he on Twitch for real or is that a meme? Twitter, he said. Did you say Twitch or Twitter? Twitch.tv. Damn, I didn't expect that.

Yeah. Is he playing video games? It's not him yet. It's not him yet. It's his underlings. But the donos are rolling in he has 4 000 people watching him right now which actually is not as high as i would have thought yeah i don't i don't think he's like he's not there yet i'm not sure if he's oh

it's they're saying he did pretty well are they yeah yeah they're saying Biden did poorly. The comments of this figure, like, when's the Fortnite stream? Trump 2020? Bernie 1v1 me dust 2? Which audience is funny? I'm sorry, Kyle, you were saying? Oh, no. I just saw that they were saying Biden did poorly.

Bernie did pretty well. I think there was like a ranking here i'm rooting for biden and bernie to do poorly because we bet a hundred dollars on it yeah um this says kamala bernie budigig and gallop ran did well and swalwell hick and looper because he's apparently a person yang biden williamson bennett did poorly who the fuck are two-thirds of those people right good old hickenlooper ah williamson or whatever it was you said um president hickenlooper we're calling to inform you that your name is silly and we're removing you from office everyone's ripping on the democratic field of 20 let's call it 20 because

uh that's how many because it's nicer than 24 yeah well that's how many are in the debates yeah whereas there were 17 people in the republican debates and i don't hear the same criticism of that oh i i think a lot of people at the time were making fun of it like of how ridiculous and all the like the no-name people like ben carson who had no chance but the good news is this means the 2024 debates are going to have 23 people. 2028, 26 people. And then we're really going to ramp up.

We get three more every time. We're going to have just a chorus of people yelling over each other. It's going to be great. We're in for a fun decade. I look forward to watching this later. I look forward to when Trump debates the other guy. I want to see how that goes. How hard they come at him. The pregame

show is a little less interesting to me. Nobody in this chat on Twitch is happy. Where's Bernie? I don't care about this curly-headed fuck. I made that one up. They probably have bad words censored on here.

I don't see any. That's a thing you can do. I want to see more funny comments. It's going so fast. You kids wish you were Bernie. This post is brought to you by the Yang Gang Invasion. Feel the wang of the Yang.

Direct Bernie noofs. I'm trying to find... It's scrolling too fast. Yang Gang, Yang Gang, Yang Gang, Yang Gang. I don't see what you're seeing. It was a comment and I was having to scroll up to try and read the rest of it because it was

a long one. Wow. Yeah, I it was a comment and i was having to scroll up to try and read the rest of it because it was a long one wow yeah i i can't wait till trump gets in the mix it's gonna be fucking entertaining as hell i i can't it's gonna be great it's gonna be great trump's always entertaining when he gets on that debate stage that's that's where he's better than i expected him like i sort of thought i guess maybe i had low expectations i didn't think Trump would debate really well in 2016, but he did. He's very aggressive and

he treats it like a debate. Everybody else seems like they're talking at the people who are around them, but to the moderator. He talks to the person he's debating. He looks over there at you and sort of addresses you and kind of dresses them down a lot of times like like he definitely um you know he had some great lines like like right when what what do you say

to hillary like like you know she's like at least you're not running the justice department he's like it's a good thing i'm not because you you'd be in jail. Just little things like that. And it's just like, oh, shit. Yeah, I don't know where I'm getting this from. He's good in a crowd. I feel like the next time around, the Democratic person would be much better than Hillary was. It won't be a weak old woman. Or it could be Elizabeth Warren.

It might be a weak old man. Yeah, it could be a weak old man or a weak old woman. Either way. Yeah. That's so funny that Warren would be the younger one at 70. Would she? Yeah, because he's like, I think Trump is 77 or 76 or something like that. He's up there.

He's an old fuck. I'm sure you're roughly right, but I think you went a little high. I'm going to say 72. I'm also going with 72. And it's 73. Okay. I thought he was even older. He doesn't look a day over 105.

He doesn't. He looks like a vampire that's three centuries old. I don't think so. He doesn't look an age. Most people have a normal aging process he looks like a preserved human being who is like in the vampire movies you see the vampire that

looks crazy old and you're you know they look they look 98 but then they're like i was here the dawn of time and you're like oh shit well you look great for the dawn of time like that's what trump looks like he looks like a 3 000 year old preserved person have we had a president who dyed their hair before like oh yeah oh reagan did yeah he did i bet bushes did did i don't know yeah just went gray obama just went gray. Obama just went gray. Obama was young enough that you could see real-time gray showing up. Solid emerge over those eight years.

And we don't know in the black and white era. Yeah, I want to say Reagan definitely used... He had no gray, so that's a thing. He was like 80. He was old as shit. Yeah. They need to have some rules. He had to look strong to fight off those Ruskies

He had Alzheimer's at the end of his term And I thought that was really interesting And then like I want to say Three months six months after He finished his second term His Alzheimer's went public Yeah it just started I'm sure it did

Nancy was keeping him straight he could remember the codes He was napping all the time. Well, who doesn't like a good nap? Well, that's a fair counterpoint. Napping and taking down the Soviet Union. That's a real leader right there. Didn't he do stuff like they would give him chores and stuff? He'd walk around and pick things up,

and then they'd go and make a mess for him or something. I've never heard that before. This is the meanest shit I've ever heard that you do for an all grand plan was who's 80 yes yeah see I guarantee there was something about it we're like he would have his fucking jelly beans and he'd spill them and then he'd pick up all the jelly beans and then Secret Service agent I highly doubt just to think what is he I highly doubt they to keep them busy. I highly doubt they were pouring jelly beans out. I could have sworn I just picked these up. I highly doubt they were pouring jelly beans out to keep the leader

of the free world busy. I choose to believe that they did. They just dropped them like the Easter Bunny. He would pick them up. A funny bit would be if they do that to Trump who's not senile. He's like, this is fucking unreal. I picked up these jelly beans and I lost them ten times. Which one of you fuckers

is knocking my beans over? I don't even like them. Give me a crave case. I want more photos of him eating fast food with fine cutlery. Those are great little photos. I liked it when the government was shut down, so he brought like hundreds

of burgers. Like all sorts of fast food. I bet it was so cold though. I saw that and I was like that's not going to be good. There were only like there was like McDonald's, Burger King, Chick-fil-A and Pizza Hut and like only the Pizza Hut

and the Chick-fil-A had heat lamps on it. So you just had like hundreds of coal, the McDonald's burgers. It's like, Oh, I wonder what everybody was picking. Trump's in front of all of it. Like it's a brilliant photo op.

That was the background of my Twitter for a long time. Cause it's fucking hilarious. All smug. Like didn't think I would think to spend $4,000. Best food restaurants. Did you? Did you guys hear about the cost to keep children? It's $775

a day to keep those kids at the... Each? Yes. Oh, of course. It's government shit. They overcharge for everything. Cotton swabs for Medicare. Apparently, the deal is that it's not normally that high. It's normally I think less than 200 a night.

But these are emergency, like, overflow shelters. So everyone's on short contracts. A lot of people working there, staying in hotel rooms. They used to pay a ton to get these, like, emergency concentration camps. So they can, like, gouge the government. We'll call them that. Pretty much, right? Yeah, so they gouge the government.

But that makes me think I should be gouging the government, right? Like, I'll take four kids. That's $3,000 a night. Dude. But they wouldn't pay you that. They love it here. We could do it. You're not a government contractor.

Well, yeah, we got a good jacket to do it, obviously. I'm not doing shit. There's so much yard work to do for me. Yeah, right? I want some older ones that can work a tractor. Please, Mr. Matt, can I go back to Honduras? Oh, no. The decision was made paco but dude if i could get four kids here at three thousand bucks a night

jack you'll read them flash cards and stuff it'll be wonderful please mr matt can i go to parkour too get out there we've got we've got four fifth graders coming to you Mr. Woodworth and then four 24 year olds show up perfect better for the yard work alright kids

you have a razor I can borrow Mr. Matt this is my wife $3,000 a day for four kids that would rack up that would turn into real money in no time yeah yeah i mean all you need is a kennel out there so hit them up think we got rooms for kids oh you don't want to let them run in wild in the house unattended untethered i don't know make them him younger then. Make him six months old. I don't think you can

order Postmates. That's how you do it. Jackie would actually be on board for that. I bet if you asked Jackie, there's this program where we can get a six month old Honduran boy in here. We get $750 a day.

We can keep him as long as we want. She'd be like, take two. Yeah! I bet she'd be good! And the kids would do great. You should see her watching. She's like, can we rename them? Yeah! They don't know who the fuck they are. Now you're Alan, and you're Richard.

Bryce! Bryce, come on! This is my son Bryce Rodriguez Please can I go back to being back No Bryce Yes Just a lot of money It's a lot of money

It's our money It's taxpayer money Kyle it's not real money. I pay taxes. Yeah, except to the person receiving it. No, we don't all pay taxes. A great man taught us that just a few years ago. I'm spacing on the man's name.

Trump. I'm fucking not Trump. Wow, was it in Wesley Snipes? I am right. You know, he lost a billion dollars over 10 years. based on the man's name. Trump. Wow, was it in Wesley Snipes' schedule? I am right. You know, he lost a billion dollars over 10 years. That's $274,000 a day, every day for 10 years in a row.

Well, he showed that much of a loss. Who knows what actually is happening at the bottom line. I was thinking, so who's the fucking Mormon presidential candidate that had that whole... Yeah, Mitt Romney had that thing about like 49% of people don't pay any tax or whatever. Don't pay

income tax. That's what he said, I think. I wonder how he arrives at that number. Like, is it... Oh, it was legit. For example, 75% of my family doesn't pay taxes. You could argue, right? Jackie's not

working. Colin's not working. Colin's not working. Hope's not making more than the standard deduction. Did he say people or families? Yeah, right? That's where I wonder how that number gets so high. Oh, it's not 49. It says more than 44% of Americans pay no federal income tax from MarketWatch.

Right? So where do kids fall in? I would imagine they do it by families. Romney says 40% of Americans pay no income tax. And he said there are 47% of the people who will vote for president no matter what Romney said in the video. Alright, there are 47%

who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government have a responsibility to take care of them, who believe that they are entitled to healthcare, to food, to housing, to you name it. And that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president, no matter

what. Yeah, kids are not counted. They're not? Yeah, I wasn't accused families it goes by i'm gonna rename that households 40 percent of households don't yeah he said these people these are people who pay no income tax 47 of americans pay no income tax so our message of low taxes doesn't connect so he'll be out there talking about tax cuts for the rich. I mean, that's what they sell every four years. And so my job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them and they, and they should take personal responsibility

and care for that. They should take personal responsibility and care for their lives. Yeah. That, that video got released and it was a real problem for him. I remember that. that video got released and it was a real problem for him. I remember that. I'm listening to it thinking, okay, I don't know about his policies, but it's politicianing for lack of a better term is not very good.

Yeah. Very bad optics on that statement. It was, he wasn't regardless of whether or not it's, he wasn't saying it publicly. He was like in a room. I've made that mistake. I've been on a twitch stream with like 75 people you know and it's like a little different but not that different he's in a room he was in a

private room of hundreds of people they're not supposed to be they have a secret recorder they called it a rubber chicken dinner right and this is like a fundraiser they do you pay some stupid amount and for hundreds of people go if you think you can talk to 300 people and it's a secret then you're wrong and uh you know like at the time i was uh on top of my youtube game and and maybe i was in someone else's stream with like 70 people that felt almost like a private gathering in my mind you know people would make hate videos about me and it got a thousand views and i was like it's a good thing. No one saw it. You know, like that, that's the way that my mind operated at the time. And, um,

I can imagine his work that way too. You know, he's like, this isn't CNN. There aren't half a million people watching. This is just a couple hundred. It's a private gathering. These guys are my friends,

but don't be surprised if one of them's not. Well, in the words of Joe Rogan, that's entirely possible. Entirely possible. Entirely. Look into it. Yeah, look into it.

Wrap it? Yeah. Any posts? Nope, nope. Fish sandwich time. Enjoy your fish sandwich. Enjoy your delicious fish sandwich. There's no way you got another one.

No, we didn't get another fish sandwich. There absolutely is. I'll show you. He did not order another fish sandwich. He's going to show the same one. That's what I'm thinking. We're watching him open. Food.

Is that a chicken sandwich? No, it's a fish sandwich. Is it from Rally's? That is a chicken sandwich? No, it's a fish sandwich. Is it from rallies? That is a fish sandwich. He just bit into... I don't know. Did we make it clear that a fish sandwich made Kyle very sick? Mm-hmm.

A day ago. See, but he fell off the horse, and he's hopping right back on. That's what Teddy Roosevelt would have done I imagine He just threw garbage over there There's a trash can over there In my head the fish sandwich was still in it And I'm like

Oh no that was the back And that was done I got 8 of them it's fine And that's the show. PKN or A445.