Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #449

Episode Date: August 1, 2019

On this week's PKA, we've got internet sensation Chris "Bagel Boss" Morgan on the show and he gives us the 411 about what went down in that bagel shop and then Chris further discusses problems he's had going through life with people and dealing with his height, which relates to why he claims to be the prophet and MLK Jr. of anti-bullying and then once he bounces the guys watch some entertaining videos and talk Marvel Phase 4, because that's what happens when the Keebler Elf goes back to the trees.

PKA449 with our guest Chris Morgan. Kyle? A couple of sponsors tonight, Squarespace and Audible. But yeah, we've been watching you on the internet for a little while, and it's been very entertaining. You seem like a guy with a lot of anger on the inside. It seems like you're always getting in some situation in public where you're screaming at people.

What's that about? It's just been a whole array of shit. Disrespect, stupid crap and I basically don't take it no more and I fucking snap depending on my mood. That day happened to be a very bad day because some other fucked up shit.

Two other fucked up things happened and I wasn't too happy about it and uh they and it wasn't too long before that and then uh you know they just basically caught me on the wrong day and you're acting stupid i had enough of it that leads into my question right so the camera turned on and you were already upset what happened before the camera turned on how what what happened that made you feel disrespected maybe what happened before you even went to the bagel shop? Sure. Well, I'll share it with you, basically.

Well, I have a cleaning company, and I kind of lost a $900 a week account over some bullshit. And the way they did it was really fucked up, and they fucked the other person before me. So I never really recovered from that until now

and thinking about it. And then the other thing was my ex-landlord was I never really recovered from that until now and things are going better. And then the other thing was my ex-landlord was like a total asshole to the point where just a very nasty, ungrateful bitch. And so finally she says, all right, you have 30 days. I says, no, you know what? I can't fucking stand you so much. I'm fucking leaving tomorrow. And this was. I said, no, you know what? I can't fucking stand you so much. I'm fucking leaving tomorrow. So, and this was the first time I decided, you know what? I'm getting tired of paying landlords money.

And they abuse their power. And as you know, living in New York, you don't get shit for your money compared to everywhere else in the country. Yeah, right. So that's frustrating enough. Everybody knows that. And I said, you know what? I'm going to save some money. And because my

business got a little slow i said i'm gonna live in my van since it's nice and just check it out you know and which i don't anymore it's recently that's not the case anymore but and that's what i did and i actually ended up having it was actually funny because my whole life i was afraid of being homeless and then when i was since may 2nd it actually i had the best time of my life if i was a marina fishing it was great great. You know, I joined the gym. I shower there. I wash all my clothes. I ran my business. I did my calendar. I'm not a bum, you know, and, uh, I had a great time. I had a great time. And, and, uh, things are finally rolling along.

And then that day came and, uh, I walked into bagel store. I, and there was a woman there, uh, who, I've been there a few times and usually I deal with the same amount of people there and this time it happened to be a woman who never helped me before and she kind of spoke broken English and it was a little hard for her

to understand me and it was a little hard for me to understand her so I basically ordered a whole wheat bagel with two egg whites cooked on both sides with, because I don't like the eggs runny and stuff, which she's American. And she didn't like to understand egg whites at first. And you know

what's funny? Because years ago, real quick, I went to a wedding in Vermont and they didn't even understand the concept of egg whites in Vermont. So in any event, but in any event, so, after I tell her three or four times, you know, she says she

understands it, and then she starts going, and she starts going on, and then she's giggling, doing this crap with the butt, when they fight to lift the whole, they laugh back, like, like that, and then she starts cooking my sandwich, and she looks over,

literally she went. So finally I says, excuse me, miss. I says, you know, what are you laughing at? And there were two times prior.

You saw the videos where similar stuff happened in a seven 11 and a gas station. And now this, and I just had enough. So she wouldn't answer me. Of course they stopped and gave me like the raccoon eyes. Oh no. The deer in headlights look like, Oh, what are you talking about? Like I've never experienced. I says, don't answer me. Of course they stopped and gave me like the raccoon eyes. No, the deer in headlights look like, oh, what are you talking about?

Like I've never experienced. I says, don't even try. So then that's when they were denying it and they were getting louder and louder. So I got louder. And then the next thing you know, all these assholes decide to butt in my business like everyone has all my life. Will you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to talk here. So anyway, these idiots in the background,

I put you degenerates. Anyhow, so I'm sitting, see them laughing? That's why I get a lot of them. You hear this crap? Anyway, so, and that's basically it. And then the rest is history. You saw what happened. What's your level of confidence

that they were laughing at you? That there was some sort of push? It's obvious, man. Come on, it's so obvious. He's been through this so many times. They were laughing at you. There was some sort of... It's obvious, man. He's been through this so many times. He fucking knows the signs and the signals to recognize. You said that she didn't speak good English? I'm sorry?

You said she didn't speak good English? No, she did. Just slightly off. Slightly off. I still understood it. I just don't feel like people should i don't feel like anybody who doesn't speak fluent english should be working behind a counter though you know what i'm not going to comment on that all i'm just saying is that it gets frustrating when you're trying to do something and it's happened a lot and what you know when you can't communicate it's

frustrating yeah if i call your cleaning business if I call your cleaning business and some foreigner is answering I don't want you to clean my place now. Because first of all I don't trust him to be at my place. And second of all I can't even communicate with him. I'm not like that. I don't judge anybody. Everybody's equal. It's just that

when you have to say something it doesn't have anything to do with race or anything. It has nothing to do with that. Basically when you you have to say something, it doesn't have anything to do with race or anything. It has nothing to do with that. It's just that basically when you're trying to say something and they don't, and we do fuckers stop anyway. My God, it reeks in here. I can tell. I can tell. What does it smell like, Chris?

It smells like body odor and like old rice. Well, not over here. It smells like George Washington's implantation. But I just, what was I saying? No, it's basically like, you know, and there was a similar situation before this about a month ago on the subway. But I know them. And it literally I had to repeat myself four or five times. He kept asking me and I said, dude, this is before this all happened. I says, dude, I says, write it down. I says, every deli, if they don't remember shit, they write it down. I says, dude, I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but if you're asking me something four or five times, that's going to

annoy anybody. And it doesn't make you look like an idiot. And maybe you shouldn't be working here. But that's basically what happened. So that annoyed me as it is. And then that's when I quieted down. And then that's when all the giggling started. I want to know what happened after the giggling

when you were confronted by that blue shirt guy who you couldn't really see that well at first, and you said, you want to take this outside? You want to fucking take this outside? And then he pretty much tackled you. Were you prepared to go outside, or did that blindside you? You got it mixed up. Oh, go ahead. The first guy I got in his face, he didn't tackle me. The second guy did.

Okay, were you expecting that second guy to step in or do anything, or did that blindside you totally? No. I saw it. Listen, I'm so irate. I didn't care how big they were. I didn't expect any help. I just wanted to be left alone and grab my fucking breakfast.

But this guy came up to me, and he just walked up, and then he just did it so quick. So I didn't really have time to react and then when he knocked me over on my hands and knees he held his knee on my back he pulled his shirt over my head I was literally had my hands under the fucking shirt I was trying to die on line one one and that's

when it was hot out and I was starting to slowly lose my breath it seems like you end up you end up calling the police a lot because I watched a few of the videos and it's like you end up calling the police a lot. I watched a few of the videos, and you're calling the cops a lot. You're like, ah, we'll see how tough you are when the cops get here. In case anything happens. And if it does happen, I prove in court, if God forbid, I ever had to go to court.

And I never used to videotape shit. And this stuff happened for years. I'll tell you a brief, brief story. This must have been around, my god 2007 and it was on the dry in babylon i went to i was online 7-eleven and basically the lady said next it was a long line i didn't hear a guy cut in front of me i went up to talk to him he wouldn't talk to me i said you know i was next but and he turned around and shoved me nobody even helped me so this has been going on for years bro do you think people target you because they see you just as an easy target yeah yeah of course they do and when i say that they act stupid oh you just have

a napoleon complex yeah if i had a dollar every time i heard that yeah and i'm gonna come out with a shirt like that and be a fucking millionaire. You know? Honestly, the funniest fucking thing that you did in that whole sequence was as it was going down, you put the bagel down, and you're like, I don't even want this bagel.

And you went like eight feet away, and then you went back, and you're like, no, I paid for this bagel. I walked back, she hands the bagel, hands the bagel in the bag. I said, I don't fucking want it. Boom!

I smacked it in the fucking ass. You know what? I'll take it. I paid for it. I'll take it back out. I was just watching a few of the compilations. It's funny that that happened. Now you have so much of a log on YouTube. It seems like a lot of the people you run into owe you money is that like a cleaning related

thing i saw that one dude who owed you 1500 who blew it on a florida vacation apparently i used to work for him years ago we were friends for a few about six years and i had found some personal shit out about him i'm not going to reveal but uh i mean he basically got busted for stuff he was doing. Uh, you know, he didn't fall through with, with,

with the, he had some other business or something and they basically raided him and shut him down. And I never knew this about him. And, uh, he, I lent him like a chunk of money than another chunk of money.

But the second time I had him sign shit and he was too late. He was two weeks late paying when he said he'd pay me back in a contract so i said you remember this and he probably got scared that i was going to take on the court and that's when he paid me that but he still owed me the other shit and that's what i went to his doorstep with him oh just as a quick callback so he had a business that they found about and raided and shut down. Did it also smell like George Washington's hemp farm? He basically,

he basically left people's homes demolished and took their deposit. And he, and he, and he, and I heard this from someone else that he fucked a lot of people over. I never noticed about it. He was a real scumbag. I have a question.

So you have a video on your YouTube channel and it's you and this woman. And you were hoping that the relationship would develop into something physical. But what baffled me is you were loaning her or giving her $ 000 i'm confused yeah let's get that clarified yeah no there's there's a story behind that first of all she was the biggest rudest goddamn gold digger and fucking twat and i hope you see this you know who i'm talking about uh uh, my name was young from Queens. Oh, she watches. Yeah. She's a fan. All right.

So here's the deal. She actually was trying to convince me. You ready for this? Yeah. That she's from planet Pluto. Okay. Okay. Trying to convince me that she has assets there, the whole nine yards.

So, so, so finally I started fucking back with her, because I thought she was fucking with me, and basically I said, you know, I lied to her, and I said, okay, she wanted me to look up a rocket ship ride to Pluto. So I started fucking with her, and I said, okay, I know somebody in NASA, they're going to pull up the ticket

where it's going to cost me $750,000. I just came up with a random number to see how much of a fucking gold ticket she was. Never said thank you. She's all okay, we'll see. Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me she didn't believe you when you said you were buying her a $750,000 ticket to Pluto from NASA? A distrustful bitch. What? I call her a distrustful bitch. Like, it's a kind kind offer carry on with the story right so in any thank you sir so in any event uh i i was living in medford i picked her

up in queens and flushing drove her i planned this i drove her out to bayshore we had something to eat then she and she and she told me she wanted to hang out the whole day. I want to go home. I'm cold. I'm like, are you serious? I went out to Flushing to pick you up to go to Bayshore for an hour dinner. I said, no, we're at least going to go have a drink. So I'm like, okay, now I'm really going to get up good. So I took a phone. I was going to take it a fucking mind talk and leave it there.

I took off to Patchogue, had a drink, and it was snow on the ground. I had a jacket on. So we left the bar, and I put my hands in my pockets. It was cold out. We're walking out the back of the bar. All of a sudden, she puts her hands through, like, my hand, and she's calling me sweetheart because she thinks I'm spending $700. I says, in my head, what a fucking gold digger.

And then that's when the video rolls. That's the story. Not just a gold digger, but an actual crazy person. I met her on, it was either Plenty of Fish or OkCupid. I don't remember. I think it was OkCupid. Okay. I mean, working on those sites has got to be, and I think you even mentioned it in one of your videos, infuriating if you're a shorter guy.

A lot of chicks will just be like, hey, if you're not six foot, don't bother. And so for someone like you, that must be infinitely infuriating. They have it right on their profile. And when you're treated like a ghost or you got leprosy or you're not wanted in this world, it's very hurtful. It's heartbreaking. You want to die. You want to kill you. Holy shit.

And then finally, I just – and that was tough enough to deal with alone. And then when you're just trying to go into a goddamn bagel store to get something and people keep saying – like 4 in the morning and people are making comments. Anybody's going to snap after a while. And I finally had enough of this fucking shit. And now, thank God, and rightfully so, I goddamn deserve where I'm at. Because you know what? I'm going to give a message right now to every one of you motherfuckers that put me down. And you, Frank, my Reno, your high school bully who hits me up.

Right. Ever since I graduated high school. Yeah. In 92, who spit beer in the side of my face at a party. When he questioned the fact that I had a real picture of the Virgin Mary that developed from some lady that took a picture of the clouds in an airplane. He's putting down the Virgin Mary. So I called him a piece of shit, which he is, because for three years he would get on the school bus, spit on the floor between my legs. He would make fun of me in class. And when I finally said, would you shut up already?

So he whispers to me, you're dead. So after class, he caught, and I was intimidated by him. And he wasn't even the biggest guy. He caught me and I just look away. And then now, I become famous and he had the nerve to text me. I just ignored him. Because, you know, if God forbid I would have got angry

and said anything back, he could have used that and sued me. Who the hell knows? So I just ignore him. But this is the nerve of fucking people. Like, literally. You got to be kidding me. Go off, King. Come crawl out of the woodwork. When I become I'm already

going to be fair. When I become mega rich, I want you, Frank Marino, you fucking piece of shit. Okay? And all you bitches that think I'm not good enough for you, not tall enough for you. Let me tell you something. It's not directed towards all women. There's all good in every race. I'm not directing this to every woman because obviously

I've gotten along with plenty of women. I'm a nice guy. I'm only, I want to clarify this. I'm only referring to those who've treated me like shit, okay? I don't care what anyone thinks of me. This is coming from my heart. All you women that you know who you are,

that fucking use me, okay? That fucking, that pretend you like me, and then you take my money, and you either ghost me, or you dump me, or whatever, and you're flat out sick, or you're five feet, you should be dead. Let me tell you something. I have the last laugh. I'm gonna have the last laugh. Because one day, when I'm on my goddamn yacht, with with my millions you all could kiss my motherfucking ass hell yeah i love this attitude yeah here's what i'm thinking you want to know what you know we can never have flaws but they can we can never be wrong but they can okay well that's all that

and i'm i'm not only dude i created I created a fucking... Stop smoking so much, you goddamn jackass. Anyway, you fucking addict. Anyway, the point is this. Okay? I am not ever, ever again taking anything from any bully or any bitch that treats me like shit. Now I hold the cards. I choose who I want to fuck.

I choose who I want to date. And you're going to kiss my ass if you don't like it. Fuck you all. Fuck you all. Oh, dude, couldn't agree more with the whole sentiment there. And I like how you integrate so much anti-bullying stuff.

I have a lot of friends, and some of them are tall. They're having problems with women. You know why shocking when you start talking to people you know when you're depressed and you shut yourself from the world you think it's only you but then when you get out there and you start talking to people and you hear the stories you're like what the fuck there's a tall guy i fish with who's a good looking guy and he told me even at clubs he would go up to some women and they would go fuck you get away from me i says you so that kind of made felt bad for him, but it made me feel better that it's not only

happening to us, but the amount of people that, forget about the fame, the money, the weight, all that shit. The fact that I've inspired people is so heartwarming. And to all my fans that I've done that for, it's my pleasure. It's coming from the heart. Don't ever let any woman crap on you or make you feel like shit.

But you want to know what? They're the ones that are unhappy. They're the ones that are insecure. And again, I'm going to reiterate it. Not all women, only the ones that you know who you are and have gold-digging,

fucking evil, sneaky-ass fucking intentions. You, once again, could suck my dick! Suck, suck, suck my dick! Is there one experience with a woman who just was so ruthless to you that it sticks out more than the others? You mean as far as... Just like an individual woman who bullied you in a way that it sticks with you?

Because you've gone through it so many times. No, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't say bullied. No, what, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't say bullied. I would never. No, what I would say is more like used me. I would say one of the top ones was that the girl that I left out east. And the one thing that always will never, will always stick out was in like 2004, when a girl said, oh, how tall are you again?

Oh, you're five feet. You should be dead. Your family should be dead. I Oh, you're five feet. You should be dead. Your family should be dead. I will never forget that. She said you should be dead. Yeah. And ever since that happened. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. Ever since that happened, I'm like, you know what? Fuck you all. Damn. It's my ass. Well, you did do that really funny thing where you drove by that Pluto woman, and then you made her think you were going to stop on a second go around. We were,

we watched that the other week on the show. We were cracking our asses up. Yeah. I was actually going to leave. You want to hear something funny? We were at the bar and then I, and then when we left and I did that, I was going to leave.

And I was like, you know what? Let me get her again. And the second one was, and one of the first few people I showed it to was not only the people, I went back to the bar. go that's hilarious and they go you should put that on YouTube and I was like good idea what should I call it

and they go bitch from Queens I go I like that the people in the Medford Post office saw it they fucking love it I go what was your favorite part they go that cackling laugh of yours when you fucking got it the second time I said you're right that's so fucking funny so how would you say lastly anybody that thinks that this was a publicity stunt just proves to me how fucking

dumb as a brick you people are you seem pretty well adjusted now but like in the past have you had any mental health issues no i mean i used to go to therapy and all that but it was always oh you need the help you need the help you know what i've done it for six years it only helps you with the greed but you know what that's bullshit okay okay i know what i did i know what they're doing i know the world's very is fucked up and and the fact of the matter is i don't need therapy you you fuckers not you guys you fuckers you need the goddamn help you know why they say i need the help because they feel guilty and they don't want to feel that way so they they brush their responsibility away and use reverse psychology as if i got the fucking problem yeah well yeah

i know something else that you that you like is pretty thematic and what you do is you're very very anti-bullying and i'm sure that is coming from a life of being bullied and whatnot and you say that it's not the women bullying it's the women doing these duplicitous things that you don't care for is there any story that stands out with guys bullying you over the rest where you were like man that really tilted me more than anything no to be honest with you the only really thing was um the high school boy most of it was just you know you know some of the women biting the lip thing you know like looking at someone behind me and, uh, you know, basically smirking and all that kind of

stuff. Uh, excuse me one second. Uh, what game the biting lip you're playing? The fuck are you writing on here, man? The fuck is this guy? English! This guy, yo, this guy has the worst

ceramic in the world is he your assistant? he's just some guy I found in the street with a cup over his head you have an exciting life right now you went from a viral video

where a ton of people were hating on you to a ton of interviews on mainstream media where a lot of people were empathizing with you being like, yeah, that would suck to be that short and have to go through all of these rough things that most of us just aren't in a position to empathize with. I understand that. And I get it. I understand. Oh, by the way, the great team that i'm working with uh they're called great sauce like pizza sauce media uh you can follow me on my instagram it's it's its chris bagel boss morgan is that correct boss right okay do you have a twitter account we can follow? You need a Twitter account. I want to follow that. It's Bagel Boss Morgan and Great Sauce Media.

It's Bagel Boss Morgan on Instagram. Do you have a Twitter we can follow? Oh, what is that again? Twitter we could follow? Twitter is Chris Morgan the and the number one. Nice. Have things picked up at all with the ladies since all this happened? I'm sorry, sir?

Have you had any more luck with the ladies since all of this stuff has went down? On and off, but something recently happened. I'm not even going to get into it. Have you monetized this yet? Are you getting paid by ABC, NBC, TV shows, the appearances? People want to talk to you. It's kind of a personal thing. I'll just say that it's coming here and there.

We're starting slow, but there are bigger things lined up. We're doing okay, trust me. You don't want people to shortchange you, though, because right now you're— You should call me short. No, no, no. Everything's contracted. Everything's fine. We're not going to no, no. Everything's contracted. Everything's fine. We're not fucking, we're not going to get screwed over.

Everything's fine. Everything's documented. You know, they're not going to screw me. They're great guys. They've done so much for me. They are literally like, I mean, I've had friends that I've known for years. And hold it right there. And, uh, yeah,

hold that right there. And, and, and they haven't even done half the shit these guys have. And I've known him fucking two weeks, three weeks, but, oh, by the way,

uh, so we re we did some charity stuff. We did one, uh, at a place called Pops at Island Park. Not long ago, we raised a good amount of money for the homeless. Uh,

we recently, today we just did for Dr. B fixing, uh, charity for, what the fuck does that say? It's for the bullying. Oh, for did for Dr. B. Fixen a charity for... What the fuck does that say? Oh, for the bullying thing. Right, right.

You got handwriting worse than a doctor, pal. Oh, that's right. So in return, he's going to be giving away literally free plastic surgery for somebody. So it's going to a very good cause. Maybe a boob job? Or what kind of plastic surgery are somebody. So it's going to a very good cause. Maybe

a boob job? Or what kind of plastic surgery are we talking about here? Chris gets to choose the winner. Oh yeah, I get to choose the winner. This can't go well. Please pick a boob job. I might have to tell them how much we raised at Pops or no? It's irrelevant. Okay, but we raised a good amount of money for

the other day too. So what are you looking for in a plastic surgery recipient? I'm sorry? You just said you were going to pick the plastic surgery recipient, right? What are you going to pick? Some pastor prime lady? Somebody who needs bigger boots? What are you looking for?

I'm going to pick. You know what I'm going to do? I'm listening. I don't want to reveal that now, but I have an idea, but basically, don't worry about it. I have an idea. You could find that

girl that wants to go to Pluto. Oh, do it now. It's going to be basically somebody you don't expect. Nice. I know you're single now because you've been hounding for pussy and all that and going on plenty of fish and everything were you ever married in the past or have any kids i don't want to get into all my personal shit if you don't sure no problem yeah yeah

no problem yeah at one point i don't have any kids and i don't want kids i just don't it's not me yeah it's not for everybody do you see do you see this as kind of your golden ticket that you can parlay this into, like you said, a yacht and everything and move on from the cleaning game? Or do you just like the cleaning game also and you'll stay in it? No, I'm eventually going to sell the cleaning company. All right. Kind of like a severance package. All I hope this plays out is the cash is in this golden ticket

and steals Frank's woman. That would be the the ending we're all looking for steal that pricks woman exactly yeah I like the idea and you can even upload that to will not YouTube to red tube the repercussions. I gotta worry about you coming and beating the shit out of me. I'm not doing that, pal. No, not him. No, no. You're talking about your high school bullies lady. Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't even get me started with that motherfucker. Yeah, you steal his girl and put it on RedTube. This is the end game we're working on here, Chris. You may be onto something a little bit. A little bit a little bit are you getting recognized in the street now?

now that you've done these videos are you getting recognized everywhere in the street? yeah, yeah I mean, there hasn't been anything serious as far as a lady's concern has come across but yeah, I mean, it's been a wonderful great, great, great experience so far traveling, meeting people, and talking to people

and going into bars. It's like being Elvis. I mean, it's just sick. It's crazy, man. Dude, I feel like there are enough women out there who are just so thirsty for fame that they'll throw you just blowjobs on blowjobs at the very least. Right? I don't know what to tell you, man. Oh, brag on yourself a little bit.

I'm sure the hunting season's been good ever since that video came out. I'm sorry. I was trying to read the sasshole's handwriting. The fumes are getting to him. He's about to get medium. Fuck off! Okay, tell him to fuck off.

Tell me something different. What else do you guys want to know? Oh, man. I'm just having fun learning about all the conflicts. I want to know what it was like transitioning from living in an apartment to living in a van. Where are you living now? I'm not revealing that that but i'm just saying but you're in you're an indoors guy now yeah i'll be in taint car you know i've been pitching

these guys the beauty of van life for like a year now i have a couple friends who are doing it i'm a big van life and yeah i really do what mainly for the money to save money um so one adventure too one of them is doing it for the adventure. He actually accumulated some cash and decided he didn't need to work for a couple years. He's been all over America. He's been to Mexico. He's been to Canada. That's what he's choosing. The other guy actually does have a house, but he does van life like it's a vacation

for extended periods. Three weeks, four weeks, etc. Yeah, it's cool. It's kind of like the concept of having a camper. I wanted to try it. It was something different. And like I said, my plan was, if this had never happened, that I was going to... Look at these fucking morons.

Look at this shit. That's me when I ain't had pussy in a year. That's him when he's not pussy in a year. You know, it's funny. I was fishing at the marina. This is like two weeks before I got famous. And this cop was walking this door with his tongue hanging out. And I don't know why, I just looked over and I said, That's me when I'm horny.

The whole fucking dock was cracking up. It was hysterical. So did you do van life in New York City? I felt like that's what I picked up. I'm sorry? When you were living the van life, was that in New York City? No. No, no, no, no, no.

In New Jersey? Suffolk County. Look on. Okay, okay. Yeah. What did you do for the bathroom? Just the gym? Wherever I was, if there was a bathroom, I would go.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Because you're not in the wilderness or anything. No, I made sure there was. But I'm saying i'm saying like if you were somewhere there was no bathroom like what would you do pull out a bag or something i would have to what choice would i have you know but i never had to do that so who gives a shit but yeah no i always made sure that there was you know but um and you were still managing to run your business while out of that yeah it was a piece of cake man shows a lot of discipline good for you yeah well i mean i have a calendar right now it wasn't a big deal at all it really wasn't you know like when my parents first found out they were all worried

i'm like stop worrying i'm like yeah i'm actually having a very good time i'm fishing with a lot of friends i'm like it's really not all that bad. It's really not. It's really not. When you were in high school and everything, obviously, like, getting bullied by those pricks and everything, you're clearly now a very funny guy. Do you think that humor kind of developed, like, as a personality trait or a response to people being pricks to you?

Because if you can get them laughing, usually people will back off. Or if you can insult them better than they can come at you then they look like a fool i guess it depends on the person you know like like for example take the great comedian don rickles you know his style if you try to rag on him he'll roast the shit out of you yeah but it depends on the person but i But I think now people are probably first people they talk like men. And they're shocked. And I think most people today like more they see how intense and angry I can get. And they kind of almost are either in fear and or they're just nervous or don't know what to think and don't say a fucking thing, which is what I like.

Because I'd rather you say nothing than say something piss me off yeah that's fair enough so when you when you see another guy in public who's like your height or even shorter or whatever is there like a kinship there where you're like we get we get the struggle we know what it's like yeah i i i i have i have one friend who's slightly taller than me. I think he's, I don't know if he's divorced. I don't remember. But yeah, like I said, I told you taller guys go through it. So it isn't just short guys.

But yeah, I have one friend that's kind of, he's single now, but he's looking around. But everybody goes through dry spells and shit. It's normal. Everybody does. But yeah, short absolutely. I just get a kick out of it. Not all of them, but a lot of them are like,

they're 5'1 and they need a guy. You must be 5'10 or up. You're a fucking idiot. Yeah. Like, why? Just because they want to crane their necks up, probably. What's that? They want to crane their necks up. But a woman's that? They want to crane their necks up. But a woman who's 5'1 can't tell the difference between a guy who's 6'0 and a guy who's 5'8, I wouldn't think.

They're still looking up, right? Right, right, right, right, right. Well, as everybody always tells me, it shouldn't matter. You're the same size in the bed. I'm like, no shit. You know? Yeah, everybody's the same size horizontally. Exactly.

Right. Yep. My grandma has that sewed into a throat pillow. All right. All right, my grandpa. I'm trying to even narrow down all the other conflicts you've had. Do you wish you started the YouTube thing earlier so that you could have a huge backlog of all of these events over the years? Because it's only the past couple of years you've been doing it, right? What's that, the videos? The videos.

Yeah, I actually started in January of... Actually, the first one was the one with the girl I left in the parking lot. That was the first one. I was in January of 2017. Oh, kicking it off with a home run. Yeah. That's great.

And little did I know I was building a resume. I had no idea. Who knew? You know, well, you've been on quite the little adventure here over the last few months it's been kind of

a whirlwind ride for you oh it's literally like a telltale story literally you can make a movie out of this shit you should look into that remember they made a movie about that guy the old Vietnam vet who beat the shit out of that guy who was being mean to him on the bus.

That's not a viral video. Danny Trejo played the guy. The epic beard man, Danny Trejo played him, yeah. Yeah, you could move this. All he did was beat up an old black man on a bus. You've accosted so many people. No, it was an old white man and a young black man. You've got to remember the viral video.

See, that's a misconception. The black man was quite old himself. Well, it was great. Was that the moment the old guy said, I told you don't fuck with me? I told you not to fuck with me! I told you not to fuck with me! He hit me first! Yeah, yeah. Epic Beard Man.

He really threw that black guy a beating. Yeah, I was shocked. I was like, wow, he was in his mid-60s. Yeah, at least. Yeah, I was shocked. I'm like, wow, he was in his mid-60s. Yeah, at least. I was shocked too. That's a perfect example of you never know who you're fucking with. I think you can kind of tell. He looked like

he was about 6'2", 250, and he was wearing a shirt that said, I'm a motherfucker. The black guy really should have known. There were some red flags, if you know what you're looking for. There were some red flags. He had those crawling through Hanoi forearms. He just ripped. Yeah.

People are fucking crazy, man. You never know who you're fucking with out there. You know, some guy. I could see you hopping out with some nunchucks or something. I think that's your next thing. I would like to see you do a whole self-defense course where you become a mixed martial artist. You should vlog it.

Well, you know what's funny? Since I recently did a training session with Mr. LaQuinta, that actually inspired me to stop smoking, and I started exercising and throwing fists, pretending like I'm boxing again. Did you say Mr. LaQuinta? You're talking about Ally LaQuinta? That is correct.

And Chris Weidman as well. Nice. If people don't know, these are two UFC fighters, one an ex-champion from Long Island. Right. I know you know, and I'm telling the audience. I would love to see you do a series of self-defense

videos. It would be called Punching Up. Oh. That's perfect. Yes. How about Badass Bagel Boss Boxing or some shit? A little alliteration?

You can go that way too. All the B bees make it sound comical, you know? Badass Bagel Boss Boxer or something like that. Or Badass Bagel Boss Bastard or some shit. Beatdown. No, he's not Beantown.

He's New York. No, Beatdown. Oh, Beatdown. Okay. Yeah, Badass Bagel Boss Beatdown. Well, we'll figure it out but is the wait the name of that store was bagel boss right i'm sorry the name of the store where that altercation happened was bagel boss right that is correct in bayshore main street have they gotten reached out and gotten like pissed at you a little bit over it no the next day after it happened they tried to call me twice and I answered. I think I might

have spoke to Joe. I'm not sure. They wanted me to come in and I just never went in there. I was like, fuck it. Oh, they were going to make good. I don't know if they were going to set me up to claim trespassing. I just didn't bother. No.

I think they were going to do some sort of formal apology For the way their employees acted on their You can get free bagels for life Yeah that's what I think they were That's the direction I think they were going Next time they're gonna get the fucking egg whites right It's really not a hard concept is it

No It's really not There's two colors in an egg You just want one of them They should be called egg clears in that woman's defense I like my eggs like I like my country oh Jesus Christ

I know where this is headed I was watching another clip and we started before I got to finish it, where you had some sort of an argument with a woman at the library, and it got cut off before it got good. Can you explain kind of what that was? It was a woman there threatening to call the police on you. All you were doing was filming. She's an idiot.

I didn't even do anything wrong. And that guy that wandering back and forth I know him that guy was Hector and he was a former cop but that shit with the libraries started about seven years ago where if I had to answer my phone and I would talk low they would always come up to

me and tell me to get off my phone but then I would watch other people talk louder and they wouldn't say shit to him and this started this happened in the deer park library selden center reach and now patchwork and that's when i fucking lost my shit there too i'm like why the fuck you always tell me to be quiet and just i'm like i know exactly why you know and then she just looked like a complete i'll call the cops i'm like you heard me on the video. Go for what? For what? And the security guy didn't say a fucking word.

So when you said, I know exactly why you're singling me out to be quiet. Why is it? Because they were probably picking on me and scared to say someone else. They were probably scared to tell someone else not to talk on the fucking phone. Maybe. Yeah. I'm like, you treat me like a goddamn kid. I'm like, what the fuck, bro? The policy is that.

And oh, like there was a really loud person on the phone one day and he was cursing up a storm. I'm like, you treat me like a goddamn kid. I'm like, what the fuck, bro? The policy is that. There was a really loud person on the phone one day, and he was cursing up a storm. And that's what led me to make that video. Well, nobody heard him. I says, let me tell you something. Don't fucking play dumb with me. I says, I was at the cubicle there looking for work.

The staff members walked by there all day long. You're going to sit here and tell me not one motherfucker heard you? I was like, just shut the fuck up. And that's another thing I'm so disgusted with is how fucking phony people are. I can't stand a lot of people anymore for that reason. Because they're fucking phonies. And they're full of shit. And it's like, just be honest.

Stop being an asshole and tell me the truth. And if you're singling me out, like, do you honestly think if you keep poking a lion through the cage, he's not going to fucking bite you? You know what I mean? Come on. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you bit back at Bagel Boss. I'm sorry? You bit back at Bagel Boss.

No, I have not. Not any Bagel Boss. No, no. He's saying you bit back. He's comparing you to a lion. You bit. You biteel Boss. No, I have not. Not any Bagel Boss. No, no. He's saying you bit back. He's comparing you to a lion. You bit. You bite. Oh, okay. Right, right, right, right, right. Sorry. There's a plane going on over there. I think they're looking for me.

It's all good. It's all good. I'm going to have a hoot of a time watching through your videos after this. Is there any one, I guess, altercation you've been in or argument you've been in publicly that you think is funnier than the rest of ones we haven't gone through yet? You know, something you'd recommend to anyone out there who's looking for a laugh? No, I would have to say most of them are pretty equal in their own way. Yeah. I really like it when you get into a

confrontation with somebody like i saw some of them and you know you're just on the pier or whatever they're you know fishing with your buddy which seems like your main hobby right you do a lot of fishing yeah i used to yeah and golf i golf too you golf interesting i used to also build the uh like mini golf no like on the like well i do do the driving I play on a golf course, okay? Yeah, yeah Yeah, anyway, so one of my informers told me that We got a kind of wrap it up if you don't mind. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good man. Of course We're sorry you're short on time. I want to shout out your social media again so everybody can follow you? So the company that's helped me out is Great Sauce, like pizza sauce, media.

You can follow me on Instagram. It's Chris Bagel Boss Morgan. And Twitter is, what was it again? Chris Morgan the one. Chris Morgan the one. That's the number one and Facebook at The Real Bagel Boss

and Facebook at The Real Bagel Boss alright well it was nice meeting you man you're real down to earth it was a lot of fun pleasure meeting you all thank you so much

yeah we're sorry we're short on time there's that word again you're a little guy anytime. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on. We're sorry we're short on time. There's that word again. You're a little guy. You're used to it by now. No, absolutely. Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. But anyway,

I want to thank you all. Thank you so much. Like I said, if you ever want to have me on anytime, you know who to contact my, my, my manager and we'll set it up. Yeah, man, go out there.

Do some more eight crimes, you know, assault some ladies, some minorities. Oh yeah. Come on. We want to see more. All the reaction of defensive bullying and bullshit.

That's all it is. Exactly. Yeah. No favoritism. There's no segregation. None of that. You just don't take no shit. That's it. That's all it is. Exactly. There's no favoritism. There's no segregation. None of that. Don't take no shit. That's it. It's just that simple. Never been about

taking no shit. Nope. Alright, well, thank you for coming on. We enjoyed you. Thank you so much for coming on, man. Have a good one. I'm going to pass the phone to my friend just to hang it up. Yeah. Alright, guys. Alright, see you later. What the fuck was that? I liked it.

I liked it! I liked it! I did! You're paramotor, you won't even notice. That was so fucking funny. You just couldn't resist yourself, I'm so glad. I couldn't. Sorry we were short on time.

You almost fucking had me lose it when you said you're so down to earth. You lost it. Dude, you almost fucking had me lose it when you said you're so down to earth. I asked if he played mini golf. That one was the one that... I thought that one was too obvious. I like my rules I like him I'm sorry he was short on time

I was thinking we'd have him on again sometime I thought he was smashing it Am I the only one? I thought that was hilarious This guy's got a gift We should have him on again He's literally mentally ill You realize that, right?

That doesn't preclude people from being good guests. I'm just saying. I'm a host. He's literally been in facilities before. He lied about that part. I was trying to get him to admit to being checked in. Wow, that guy was interesting.

He's great. Yeah. I think that's the least the three of us aggregately have ever spoken in the first hour of a show. Which is not a bad thing. It was hard for me not to interrupt. That is a natural inclination for me. But I was like, this guy is doing well on his own. It's time to let him fly.

Let him soar to new heights. Yeah. I just thought we could do a self-defense video called Punching Up. I can't believe he didn't like that. That was such a motivating...

That was like a blind... He could have got Sarah Bullock or whoever from the blind side to come and adopt him and take him to alakinta's gym and get fit i don't know what that movie's about i haven't seen it but i saw the cover where where she helps that guy become a football player oh oh i saw that yeah yeah she takes in a ginormous student athlete. A student athlete. Yeah. A student athlete. And I think he's in high school, and they sort of groom him, and he goes to college

and becomes a pro eventually. Yeah. She gets the most enormous... Is he mentally challenged? No. I think he was just from a bad environment. Okay. That'll do it sometimes.

Both parents became disqualified. Oh, I thought you were asking about the bagel boss. No, no. We was just from a bad environment. Okay. I don't do it sometimes. Both parents became disqualified. Oh, I thought you were asking about the bagel boss. No, no, we're talking about blindside. I mean, he wasn't 100%. He had a real X-Jaws kind of moment there. He's like, yeah, when I'm on my yacht with my millions and I got my bitches that love little tykes, it's going to be goodbye, Brangino, the bully from high school that spit the beer in my face. He's probably living a happy life. He's not going to come on again now.

I didn't want to burn that bridge. You think that guy is going to watch this? Yes. He did the show from his friend's iPhone. He's not watching this. And let it be known, this is the first time ever that someone has showed up on a phone without a mic.

And Woody's like, don't want to risk ruining this. Let it ride. 99% of people, I'd be like, you come back when you show some respect to the gosh darn show. How's my microphone sound? Woody's like, great.

I like it. It's real fucking good. You're killing it. We're all sitting here with $1,000 worth of gear in front of us. Excellent. He's magic. I love the guy. I love the guy.

I want him back. He's not coming back, but I like him. He'll come back. He doesn't know about this part where we mock him and laugh. We just sat there and watched him. He's's a magician we watched i wanted to go much harder on him i wanted to go much much crueler and harder and i actually wanted to like make him mad on the show but but he just kept going he kept flowing and it was a bit entertaining at times um it's like an eminem freestyle at moments His friends were smoking weed in the background,

and I wanted to use that joke that I was telling you earlier. Like, oh, don't smoke too much. You'll get medium. Is that a reference to high? Instead of getting high, he gets medium. Ah, yes. Because he's literally a midget. When he said that he was five foot, I was like,

if he's like everyone else adding an inch or so, then... I thought you had to be like 4'6 or below to be a midget. I thought it was 5 feet or like 4'11. How tall... Danny DeVito's not a midget and he's 4'10. I think he technically is a midget.

It's 4'10. Oh, Danny DeVito's technically a midget. Yeah, you're a dwarf if you're 410. The Little People of America defines dwarfism at 410. Yeah, the Little People of America. Who cares what they think? The Little People

of America. Sponsored by Allen Step Letters. I kept putting myself in his shoes though honestly i wouldn't fit but it's just they're too easy they're too easy being like five foot or below that is a rough hand to be dealt because if you're like five foot or below, that is a rough hand to be dealt. Because if you're like four foot four, people will stare because you're a dwarf or whatever. But they'll be like, oh, man, you're a dwarf. That's like a deformity or an ailment.

That's sad. If you're like four eleven, five foot or something, people are just like, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're just short you're short so you're at 4-4 you you're you think it's easier because they're not even in the game at 5 foot they're losing the game and that's that's yeah by the way i was trying to bait him into saying some racist xenophobic stuff oh yeah but i don't think he has it in him he does you got to watch the whole video the he's like he these two pak guys at 7-Eleven, one of them is like, how tall are you? And he's like, what's it matter how tall I am? And you, what are you smirking at?

The other one's smirking at him because, you know, he's ridiculous looking. I'm sure if you saw him in real life, I bet it's shocking. He's not racist so far in this story. Oh. He goes, where the fuck are you even from? I am from Pakistan. Ah, you know how much money we give you, you shithole fucking third world country?

You come over here and treat me like this? What if I said I don't like fucking foreigners? He went pretty hard in the paint. And then he calls the cops. And the cops show up. And the cops are like. He's got the cops on speed dial. The like what cops like what am i here i like that yeah what am i here for he's like well he's like well that guy he asked me how tall i was and this fucker here

he was smirking and he's like okay well that's just a comment he's like well it's harassment he's like there's no such thing as harassment that's just a comment. He's like, well, it's harassment. He's like, there's no such thing as harassment. That's not a crime. What about sexual harassment? Well, that's more of a civil thing than anything. It's not really a crime. I could take down a note here that says he made a comment you didn't like. You can do that.

He's like, yeah, yeah, do that. Like, all right, noted. I thought it was great. We learned a new detail in the bagel story, which was the big guy pushed him down, had his knee in his back. He was pressing on him so hard that he could barely breathe,

and his shirt pulled over his head, and he was trying to call 911 at the time with whatever mobility he had left. I was about to say he's the biggest fake tough guy, but that doesn't really fit. He's the littlest fake tough guy ever. He challenged that man to a physical altercation. But that's different than fake tough guy.

It's like a chihuahua, right? They literally do want to fight. They just don't realize they're not good at it. Okay, I'll buy into that. I'll buy into that. He's not a guy who's acting like he's tough, and then when it's game day, running the other way. I don't know.

He acted like he was tough. He challenged the guy. He said, sort of, come at me, bro. And then the guy comes at him, and he just curls up in a ball as the guy throws him on the floor. And then he has that reaction like women have when they hit a man, and the man hits back. And they're like, why?

Okay, I see that but there is a responsibility i think if someone's 4 11 and they like step up to you it's like dude no i i'm gonna go to jail if we get in a fight i'm torn on that i'm torn on that because like i i like if it was a girl who stepped up to me and just said things I don't think there'd be any cause to hit her. Unless you did it every day. If she hits you, then you get a chance to come back. Do you apply those same rules to the guy? If he ineffectively

like chest shoves you do you have free reign, Taylor, to unleash the guns on him? Most you're allowed to do is steal his i don't unleash the guns on him most you're allowed to do steal his bagel and run i i can't have you put your hands on me you know like like like i even if he's little like i literally had that altercation in high school where like i had let a thing go before because the opponent was smaller and then i got ragged on it for like oh you let so and so punk you and it's like well he's look at him i i didn't feel

like it was right to attack him and so it got into my head i was like in the future i can't let anybody do that i can't let them put their hands on me or or i look like even even work i thought i was gonna look good for for just walking away but i looked even worse than i would have if i fought him and lost almost so the next time i had an altercation with this this poor pale boy who thought i had broken his necklace this is a true story essentially i don't know some other guy who was an actual bully like got this kid's necklace this is the early 2000s where we wore these shells i hope puka shell yeah yeah and then the wooden beads and shit like that very islander looking kind of like salt life shit you know

what that's my time still true to me i mean frozen there we all had one of those necklaces and uh i did i did the actual bully throws his necklace across the room well i don't know anything about that i look down and there's a necklace on the floor and i pick it up and it's broken and i'm like huh okay i guess I'll just take these beads off of here. I was just like dissecting this necklace, which was already broken. And he walked up and just hit me in the stomach as hard as he could. And I, my mind went through that whole process of like, I don't think I can let this go. We're in open class here. Everybody just saw that guy hit me.

So I started hitting him in the face over and over and over. And it was, he grabbed my shirt, not to try to retaliate, but literally to hold on for his balance. But when you're already engaged in a fight and someone's holding on to you, there's sort of a, I was panicked. I was like, get him off me. I got to get him off me. And so I just kept punching him in the face. And by the time it was over, there was so much blood.

I hit him maybe six times, like in the mouth, nose area, just straight and hard. And they had to bring him to me. How many of those hits was he still with it for? Like one, two? After the first one, he was not with it. I hit him in the nose the first time. It was pretty much hard as fuck. So this is a world star hip-hop style fight. He's on the ground

and you decide you need a half dozen more. It didn't stop until the teacher screamed, Kyle! Stop! And it was sort of like, I was like, oh shit! Oh no! What have I done? And I felt terrible about it. Because like, I wasn't some big bad... Anybody could have beaten his ass he just shouldn't have attacked me and that's how i feel about this bagel bitch you know

if he comes at you you're in the fucking bagel shop and he's like come at me bro you're gonna let that guy punk you this bagel bike yeah this little bagel bite here you're not gonna allow that i had a similar fight i i against against my school's version of that guy too. So we were sitting in the cafeteria. I think it was an assembly or something. And I had had this seat. I liked my seat. It was good.

We were sitting long enough that seats were established, right? But midway through, I had to get up for some reason. I come back and he had stolen my seat, right? The time to grab your seat was way over. And I felt like he was punking me and i'm not a super tough guy or anything but i was just bigger and stronger than this guy you know even late to puberty me had no would have no trouble with this guy and uh i was like dude you stole my seat and he was basically like what are you gonna do about it and my whole mindset is like really like we're gonna go there

i'm like well why don't you just give it back and he's like no you'll deal with what you get and i'm like really like this okay yeah like do you want to fight after school he does why does he want this this is terrible this is a bad idea for him. Stop now, because this guy has, he's measured you up and he has this idea of you in his mind that is less than him. And you know, that's not the case. And if you allow that mental image that he has to become reality, then you've lost face. high school's like fucking like like the wild kingdom this is late middle school but i i uh anyone would see that i would win this fight and not because i'm even above average at this point i just he's just so far below smallest guy yeah so we decided

to meet at the tabernacle which has this large grassy open field area. And I suck at fighting. I literally held my hands like this, you know, like Popeye would. But still, like if there was a strike counter, it would be 250 to 2 or something. Like it was really lopsided. I had longer arms and I had quickly figured out his face was all bloody. He wore a white t-shirt. That thing was coated with blood all like it was really lopsided these two kids came along and i think they were way better at fighting because they made fun of both of us and i'm like why are you making fun of me i'm totally

winning and uh eventually he asked that we stopped fighting and i was fine with that but yeah that was it's weird yeah it's almost a no-win situation because I remember being in the hallway afterwards and I had his blood on me. And another guy who had been sent out in the hallway, which was like a mid-tier punishment, you know, all right, get out of here. Go sit in the hallway and do your work.

And he was like, what happened, Kyle? Where'd that blood come from? I'm like like Robbie attacked me and I beat him senseless he's like Robbie Robbie Smith alright you know you don't get any tough guy credits for this

no tough guy credits like in a video game when the match is over and it goes it went bing nothing i got no credits whatsoever but i feel like if i had backed down or god forbid even lost yeah he would have gotten that perfection yes fatality you just can't allow like like it's one thing if it's in private if it'd been in private there would have been no physical conflict like like if he'd done i'd be like whoa what are you

doing maybe push him but he'd done it in front of everybody and i already had that prior incident where i where i've walked away from somebody that hit me and it did not end the way i thought it would be i just like i can't i can't i i gotta beat up this little and it's not that he was little he was my height but god damn if he wasn't like 125 pounds or something frail as fuck and so pale what year would you say you were a junior it's got to be like i think it's eighth grade i think it's oh okay yeah yeah i think yeah i'm almost positive it's eighth grade so we're like 13 14 something like that it was yeah was that high school in year no no it wasn't no i was just sort of using high school as like a generality of how like it's sort of the you know it when you're a teenager i guess i don't know there's this sort of like

unwritten rules and regulations and it's just like even as an adult like i'm saying like that bagel bite come at comes at you in public what if your wife's there and the bagel bitch fucking shoves you and says come at me bro when you just tell all you did was say hey man go easy on yolanda over there she's doing the best she can to get your egg whites done all right if she snickered she didn't mean it you know how about that and hey it's a free country she can laugh at you if she wants to you're kind of fucking funny and then he's like come at me bro like like bring it you know sort of like but think about it like you and like every single day there's another straw trapped on that that camel's back you know just, just a little bit. Just another little smirk. Another little, you know,

teehee at your expense. Eventually, you're going to fucking lose it. Because basically, it's your entire masculinity being questioned 24-7 all the time. And he clearly sees like, well, I got to be, I got to go Joe Pesci mode all the time.

I got to have my fucking pen in my pocket ready to stab somebody. Is there a little girl in here? Do you hear a little girl crying? There's a big tough guy here. Where'd he go? Where'd he go? I know I can't change him, but if I could it would be like, he's funny. He's kind of quick-witted.

He has some tools to work with. Threat of violence is not in his toolbox. that's not one that he should be pulling out all the time like he seems to no no and and like no not at all i mean i got in those i would just lie about being an attorney the whole time that's brilliant i love that that's great you went to the poor house oh yeah i specialize in video game release dates. Yeah. But that doesn't mean I don't know other forms of litigation. Don't you be short with me. I see you all looking down at me, judging me.

Like if he just, I don't know, if he made fun of people, he could be quick. He could get good at that. I'll take you to little people's court. I thought you were on to something when you were like, hey, do you think a lifetime of people smirking at you has made you funny? It's just a shame it's made him aggressive because that's not working for him. Yeah, and definitely like xenophobic, homophobic,

and misogynist. We play those things on the internet for fun, for funsies. But I think he's an actual one because he he taylor's like yeah i mean bitches be bitches wait the misogynist thing that part's true no i love that kyle every time he was like and once again i'm just saying this is not all women this is just women have treated me like crap like shit and kyle's somebody somebody linked me a comment i'm not sure where it was posted but it was like my favorite podcast stars a racist a misogynist and a 48 year old tech

millionaire how did this happen and somebody goes what about about Kyle and Taylor? Oh, I'm all of them. I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed him. Like he served his purpose. That's exactly what I was looking for. When we have somebody like, um, I don't know, name a guy, Aaron Foss, Aaron Foster or, um, whatever. Um, any of the people who's, I don't remember any of our guests. I never do. I forget them the day after. The guy with the big forehead, whatever his name is. Steve Hofstetter. Yeah, that guy.

Richard Ryan or somebody like that. It's like, I want to know what's going on in your life. I'm going to have an intelligent conversation with you if I can live up to those levels. With this guy, it was like, let's just see what this fucking psychotic dude said.

I thought he was podcast gold. We'll see what the audience thinks. I enjoyed him, I will say that. I thought that it drug a little bit at times, but I think for the most part, I had fun personally sitting here. 20 minutes in, I was giddy. What I think of the show

impacts my mood that weekend it goes live right if it's just an average show i'm like man i wish i was puffing my chest out right now at this one 20 minutes in i was like i can't wait to release this you know yeah people are gonna crack the fuck up at that first hour like that's a good one i hope so one I'm glad we got him I mentioned last week that The Shiz was working on that Big ups to Shiz I was thinking the same thing

I'm really glad that we got him I haven't seen him all over It's a good get I think he did Jim and Sam show Jim Norton, Sam Roberts I heard that was an absolute disaster Was it? I don't know I think he did Jim and Sam show. He did. Jim Norton and Sam Roberts. Okay. Well, that's a good... I heard that was an absolute disaster. I'm fine being in that league.

Was it? Yeah. I don't know. Somebody PM'd me that like 20 minutes ago, and I was like, I didn't see that. Good disaster or bad disaster? Because disaster's not bad. They said bad disaster. But I mean, maybe we pulled something out of him that Jim Norton and Sam Roberts were

in. I liked it. Yeah, Jim Norton isn't much taller. Yeah. Fair enough. They felt right at home. If you had to fuck Jim Norton or that guy, you'd definitely pick that guy. Do you mean I'd have sex with one of them? Yeah, you've got to have sexual relations.

I'm taking the bagel boss. I hope he's flattered by this. I'd take the Pluto bitch. Oh, the Pluto bitch. Wait, is like on the menu because she's a good solid four yeah thank you woody and the mental illness bumps her up to at least a five we all have our type that's true you want she wants to cosplay as as spacemen that'd be fun or not cosplay what's it called role play yeah yeah it'll be both it'll be both

there'll be a costume involved for sure i was glad to get the explanation on the $750,000 he lent her. I'll take you to Pluto. We're going to get pitched up at Uranus first. Wait, did he use that joke too? No, he didn't. He's not that funny. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we made that joke.

That's a good line. Yeah, I'm glad we got him. It was a lot of fun having him on. I don't know what to think about him as a human being. I think he's literally good line. Yeah, I'm glad we got him. It was a lot of fun having him on. I don't know what to think about him as a human being. I think he's literally mentally ill. And probably we all would be if we had to live a life like that. It might be better off for him if he were even a little shorter than right there at the cusp.

Taylor was saying that. That was my point. Yeah, you may as well go full dwarf. You never go full dwarf. You never go full dwarf. People don't snicker at... Who played Tyrion Lannister? I forget his real name. Peter Dinklage.

They just say, alright, this guy's a little person. Our man Bagel Boss is in the game. He's right on that cusp. He's not at the level of having... Okay, so nobody laughs at people with handicaps. Not in public anyway.

We wait until nobody's looking. But what I'm getting at is you don't laugh at... We do on this show all the time. My argument's falling apart right in my hand. But we don't do it in public and we certainly wouldn't do it on a podcast for hundreds of thousands of people to download off iTunes. Yes, certainly not that.

What I'm getting at, I guess, is like, he's just the shortest man, but he's not the tallest dwarf. And one of those is substantially better than the other, in my opinion. Being the tallest dwarf, it's like what I was saying to you guys a week or two ago. It's like the one-eyed man is king in the world of the blind. He needs that in his life. He needs to be going to those little people conventions,

the fucking lollipop guild, fucking... I so wanted to tell him that he should live in Kansas because it was cheaper when he was talking about the cost of real estate in New York. That would have been funny. There's no place like home.

That's what they say. It's nice there. Your little digs were getting so ham-handed. They were obvious to me. I was like, he's got to react to one of these. He was, but I thought he was actually keeping his cool more than I expected based on the videos. That's why they kept getting more and more juice as we went.

I hear right about the dwarf convention thing because like I said, I'm almost positive that the Dwarves of America convention is just a fuckfest. Do you think they would shun him on booze and drugs because they only need twin beds? like they're set taylor but if he showed up at the sex fest they'd be like what are

you doing here you can't join the dwarf fuck fest right not a dwarf some four nine guy who's used to ruling the world is gonna be like get out of here you know yeah this is my i'm the tall man here i have a new topic that i'm interested sure all right it's about a 90 second read my reaction to it was different than the comments i'm curious as where you go am i the asshole for not outing my dad who i found at a gay hookup site when i was in college i found out my my dad was active on a gay hookup site i've been able to log into his account and confirm that it's him. He chats with other older guys and occasionally meets up with them.

I've never told my mom or my siblings. I'm the only one who knows. It's been over 10 years since I find out he's been active on this site all this time. At first, I was shocked and angry. Now I feel sorry for him, and I just want him to be happy and safe. But I also want my mom to be happy and safe and part of me thinks she deserves to know. If I told anyone, I think it would destroy his marriage of 30 plus years and his relationship with my siblings. My extremely religious mom would be devastated.

My family may even get mad at me for knowing and not saying anything all this time. I've never confronted him about it. He and I don't have the closest relationship and we're not very communicative or expressive. I can't even imagine what his reactions would be if he knew that I knew. I myself am gay. Yes, my family knows,

but I wouldn't have wanted someone else to out me. If I were in the closet, but on a hookup site, I wouldn't want anyone telling me that they had discovered my secret. He's getting much older and I fear may not have many years left. It might be something I regret not discussing with him. It might make him happy to know that I understand this is part of him and I don't judge him for it. But I keep thinking it's not my life, it's not my marriage, it's not my decision to make, and that's why I've left it all alone for these years, just to keep

the family together. This might be something I take to my grave. On the other hand, part of me feels it's unfair to my mom. She deserves to know, even though it might uproot her entire life. Am I the asshole for not outing him? No, don't out your dad, dude. What the fuck are you thinking? You don't fucking rat your dad out

for like the most private personal thing he's got going on. You shouldn't be judging him for his personal thing. Like if there were a God, then it's up to god to judge your dad all right like it's not it's not your place at all your mom may know it's possible that your mom knows or suspect and sort of sort of a willful ignorance type scenario but it's definitely not your place to be is this a message to us or was this on reddit it was a reddit am i the asshole post okay i don't need to speak directly to him no i wouldn't he should not out his dad he shouldn't outright out him but he should definitely let his dad know like that he knows about it because that might if it's not a because you have to think

about his mom as well if he's going out having promiscuous sex with lots of men his mom deserves to know like he wants to keep her safe and everything as well so he should probably tell his dad hey you know still love you dad but i know what you've been doing for a while i really think you should tell mom and then guaranteed the fear of you tell even if you don't threaten him or anything you don't say i'm gonna tell her if you don't do this like he's gonna end up coming clean i would imagine this is the premise of so many incest pornos where like the son catches the stepmother like up to no good and he's like might have to tell dad about that little uh i saw your profile black male little yeah but this one is he find finds

out his dad is getting ass rammed by randos online and she's like she's like not nearly as sexy doing this is this not taylor don't judge what's sexy and what's not i'll decide for myself how cute is your dad when i first read this i no, you can't possibly out him. Right. He's a gay man. Who's sort of suffered a lifetime was my, my thought, right. He's been lying to himself. He's been lying to the world.

He's, you know, he's, maybe he isn't out to himself completely. Just does this. I don't know. So I, it was,

I, I thought you shouldn't out him. And then I realized like, Oh, I have a completely different reaction than I would if he was a straight man. Just like fucking women all the time on the side. And it was like, ah. So now it left me confused and there's not an obvious answer.

When Kyle laid out his thought process, I understood where he came from made sense to me. You don't out your dad. Don't do this and that. And then the other side of it, yeah, you don't let your dad sleep around on your mom. That makes a certain sense to me too. You can't

step into that in your parents' world though. What if the dad comes back with him? Not only does your mom know, she loves it. I'm not even sure who your real daddy is because I was docking with a couple of dock workers

and we just blasted all over your mother and it wasn't her ass, but a lot of leaked down and here you are today. God knows what kind of bag of weird worms you're going to open up if you start talking to your dad about his secret gay sex life. This guy's gay too.

He'd be like, oh, you think that's cool? Check out my weekend. Ah, a little felching, huh, dad? This is what you do. Come out to your dad as gay, even though you're not gay, and bamboozle him into empathizing with you, and then you go, aha aha i knew the whole time i'm not gonna tell mom but you should consider it well he already has come out to his dad is gay

because he is gay oh we've ruined your plan all right well my plan's not as good as i thought it was initially no it was not but like think think about it in the same way like imagine this is plenty of fish and it's like like a straight dating website and he's fucking women would you No, it was not. Think about it in the same way. Imagine this is Plenty of Fish and it's a straight dating website and he's fucking women. Would you still say, it's not my place to say anything to my dad? No, if that were the case,

I think we'd all be like, okay, I'm not going to tell mom. Or some of us would say, I'm not going to tell mom. I would be like, dude, these chicks on the side are way hotter than mom. Dad.

If you're embroiled in something like that, I feel like the person needs to have it brought up to them and not the person they're directly wronging like their spouse so they at least have the opportunity to come clean on their own volition kyle might come through in this one what if two a couple was engaged and you found out one of them was like you know cheating on the other in a wild way i would be like you know let's let's prevent this problem that you're clearly walking into they deserve scenario is my end goal to break them up so i can slide in your end goal is to be a good person no it's not what if you pick up lamar's phone and he's got plenty of fish set to some older fellas i don't think that's the case because like i i have i signed him up for most of the dating sites

he's on and you know but but you just gotta learn how to change one setting well i've seen the the the people who show up the ladies who show up in a hypothetically you've seen the people who show up, the ladies who show up. Hypothetically. You've seen what he wants you to see. He's not that great with technology. I don't think he could hide anything really on purpose. I just feel like it's weird getting involved with your parents' dirty laundry. Maybe that's for them to handle their own way.

It's a real awkward situation. I get that. Maybe just mention it to him in private. I think the best argument for talking to him is protecting your mother from potential STDs. That's definitely the strongest argument for intervening. And maybe just voice that opinion you dad but then he's going to come back with some dirty details that you didn't want to know he's gonna be oh well i only jerk him off with my feet so problem i was worried for a minute by the way it's your mother's idea. Bitch. My mother's extremely religious. Probably not likely.

Yeah. Or maybe it's even more likely. That is a fair point, right? Who's more likely to be gay than a Republican trying to push through anti-gay legislation? I need to know if she's Catholic or not because that changes things completely. I never know how true that is because I hate spiders, but I don't want to fuck them. You know? Like some of these Catholics

who really dislike gay people must just dislike them. Right up that thready spinneret hole that they got back there that does this. I guarantee if we go on that one weird dragon dildo site, we can find a spider pussy to fuck.

I've been on there, looked for them, they don't exist. Damn. Well, it's a burgeoning market. They're missing out. I have another topic. Let me talk about Squarespace real quick. Get that knocked out.

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you need a darn comp sci degree to make this happen. That's right. I don't want to be doing any coding. Yeah. Who wants that? Sounds like the worst job ever. That's the kind of job you walk in and you actually go postal. I was hoping that that that's

where taylor was going earlier with that little guy that like you keep pushing him you keep pushing him and finally he comes into work with a gun i was gonna be like yeah like a mini uzi such a little guy so good i would love to stand next to him like like i feel like like sometimes what um hot girls will do is they'll like get a a friend who's ugly or sort of average looking, take them to the club with them. So she looks even better. She's elevated. She's the one-eyed king in the land of the blind, right? She's just above the rest.

Can you imagine having this guy as your little wingman? He's my... He just like prop your elbow up on hisman. He just like prop your elbow up on his head. He's like, get off me! What the fuck? He gets so mad so fast. I'm like 6'1". I look 6'8", standing next to that little tie.

I was going to make a short fuse joke, but I thought it was too obvious. That could have been good. You got kind of a short temper. So many good jokes. Little folk. They just flow. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, the other topic. I want to know what you guys think. Vibrator earrings? Oh, well, those are... Very trashy. Yeah, very trashy. That's more of like a joke gift. It's weird because... So, here's what happened like a joke gift. It's weird because it, so here's what happened.

I saw him and my knee jerk reaction was like kind of trashy, right? Like, you know, that's not something that, you know, I would want my partner to be wearing. And then as I processed it some more,

I thought it was kind of funny. I thought that like, I bet I'd like this chick, you know, know hypothetical young single woody sees a girl with vibrator earrings and i think he says you know what we would get along yeah that's mom material is what you would think am i the only one that sees the vibrator earrings and says you know what i bet this chick is cool i would if i saw someone wearing that in public i would not laugh with them i would be laughing at them you know it's like it's i don't know it's just real trashy it's it's it's it's real trashy um you know i bet she's fun in bed i bet she's fun out of. I bet she's fun in bed.

I bet she's fun out of bed. I bet she's fun. Yeah, you can be fun without putting a sex toy on your face. But you can be fun with sex toys. The biggest downside of this girl to me is that her earring holes are kind of weird. Ruined. I was going to use a thing where i was like if i came into somewhere wearing pocket pussy cufflinks what would you think and i immediately realized that's hilarious thank you thank you i i uh they're still all gooey leave a comment people

i don't know tell me what you would think. Is this girl someone you'd love to date, or is this girl someone you wouldn't even want to be around? I mean... I bet you'd be fun to be around, but I don't want to date that person. If you're wearing vibrator earrings... She can take them off.

Well, I know. It's more about what she's actually... what it says about her personality i think that i don't care about the actual earring it's it's it's about what that says to me about her as a person that's the difference because what it says to me is she's i don't know easy laugh doesn't take herself too seriously a good time uh like it says a lot of positive things about her to me but i can also go the other way she's i don't know i just pick a pick the the other cute girl who doesn't have the sex toys hanging from her ears i think that girl is stuck up this uh i i don't know what this the second video i sent was you know i chis sends lots of topics lots of videos

and stuff like that and i just clicked that one and i was was you know i chis sends lots of topics lots of videos and stuff like that and i just clicked that one and i was that's why i made that face because two seconds watch this instagram video yeah yeah it's it's how do you turn the i feel like like an old man here how do you turn the fucking volume down instagram i'll go to my volume player sucks i'm just going to mute the entire... Is there music on it? Is that an issue? No, no, no, no. I'm just going to go to my volume mixer in Windows and just

selectively lower Instagram. That's the thing. Where is my volume mixer? I'm with you. My wife has a stand mixer. YouTube plays in slow-mo. My wife has a kitchen maid. Let plays in slow-mo. My wife has a kitchen maid. Let's play.

Ready, set, play. Why is he so close to that car? That's right. Your little bitch mobile got fucked. The audio on that was great. I'm glad I didn't turn it down. It was crunchy. Is it dog?

I have a feeling the story's over. What are we doing with the rest of this video? Maybe the guy's making a U-turn. He's coming back for more. I gotta film this. Sorry. She's like, I gotta film this. She does have to film it.

I gotta get those views. He crossed this, what is it? Is that a Prius? Yeah, it's some kind of hatchback Prius. Look at this guy. Oh, he's just right there! For people listening, a smaller SUV hit a Prius with its door open, so it

opened too far and got wrecked. Oh, it's over now. And then it hit a red light with some traffic, so he just stopped 20 feet away. I like how after he hit the Prius, he just decided to drive over the rest of the Prius.

Just keep going. I mean, that's a 4x4 Jeep. That's what it's made for. It's made for Prius traveling? At first, I thought that maybe, kind of, he didn't want to hit the Prius. Maybe he was escaping from the guy at the window

who was so angry at him. But I feel like he could have avoided the Prius if he wanted to. Yeah, I don't think he wanted to. That was like vehicular gay bashing. Was he getting beat up from the guy on the window? Nah, the guy on the window looks like he's like 65 and he's like that pale guy

beat up in high school. He was all hunched over. I assume the driver was the guy who walked back at the very end to the Prius to like, oh my car oh my Prius and I just charged it I just charged it stupid fucking cars

they're the same person so there's a guy who has his hands inside the driver window of the hitter and the hitter sort of drives to get away from him wrecks the prius and yeah so i i think maybe he was escaping some violence there yeah remember maybe you don't um there was this rapper that we were talking about like a year ago and he was sort

of famous because he's a young guy like like if i remember correctly like early 20s early early 20s okay and his rap song is him rapping like like he's literally on the run from the police making the rap video yeah he's just like he's just like they tried to put a case on me so i gotta hit the road son and he's just like they got real guns he's just he's guns he's got real guns and he's like talking about like like i remember like bodies on my name bodies on my name he's talking about killing people and running from the police when he's literally killing people and running from the police i don't know if he's killing people turns out he was okay just got convicted for murder what's his name you know

oh shit um he got like 50 years and and he's and he's up against another murder charge i think they got him for like not capital murder but the one right below that like uh so and then like maybe two or two there were like three counts of robbery and two murder charges. And he's he's he pled guilty to the two robbery charge. And he's like, maybe that won't get the murder. And they're like, yeah, you're getting the murder because they're playing his rap lyrics to the jury. And it's just like. There's a key and peel sketch where, like, he's he's he's interviewing like a rapper and he's he's like, I know you killed Sean McMurphy. He's like, no, that wasn't me.

And he plays the song, and he's like, I killed Sean McMurphy, put a bullet in his head, son. He's like, what about this? He's like, that's just metaphorical. In the second verse, it says, it was 1222 on a Tuesday evening. He plays it again. That shit ain't metaphorical. That shit is literal.

He's like, wordplay, wordplay. He plays it again. I'm gonna lie to the police face. Lie to the police face. Every step of the way, he's just playing more and more of the rap song. It's fucking hilarious. And that's what this guy did in real life.

It's not a comedy sketch. Was he killing people shooting out the window or like gang violence? Or did he kill people while driving? He murdered someone with a gun, I think, is the case. Yeah, I don't think it's like in the rap video. But he's in the rap video like, you know, how they'll like have guns and like brandishing the guns and then rapping about killing people and robbing people. How little foresight do you have to have to do something like that not a lot not a lot of foresight i was thinking about snoop dog today right he's on my playlist and snoop dog killed

a dude i think he got away with murder literally uh this is maybe not something you know oh i didn't know that. Did Snoop Dogg kill a guy? I think of Snoop Dogg as a fake gangster. I think he's a real gangster. It's not what... The real story behind Snoop Dogg's 1993 murder charge. Yeah. Suge Knight said that he was a fake gangster and he actually paid...

I don't know what gang he claimed to be part of it was bloods of the crypts but he like paid them to be one of them or something like that that shug knight was like he's got a family and shit he was like he's not hard he's got people that love him and stuff he was arrested in connection with the death of a member of a rival gang who was shot and killed by Snoop's bodyguard. Both men were charged with murder as Dog was driving the vehicle

which the gun was fired. Johnny Cochran defended both men. Both men were acquitted. They got off. Later on he was stopped with a traffic violation and found a firearm. He got a thousand dollar fine and a $1,000 fine and probation. Kyle, why didn't you hire

Johnny Cochran? Unfortunately, the man is dead. He died of a brain tumor in 2003, I think. Some people have excuses and some people get results. I don't want to hear excuses. This guy must have been the king of the courtroom, Johnny Cochran.

I was talking to my probation officer a couple days ago. He's like, you had the king of the courtroom, Johnny Cochran. I was talking to my probation officer a couple days ago. He's like, you had one hell of a lawyer, huh? I was like, a couple of them. So your probation officer thinks that you did well in the list of potential outcomes in the spectrum. Yeah, it went from 30 years to two months. That's a big drop. It is a big drop. In my head, though, it was from 30 years to two months. That's a big drop. It is a big drop.

In my head, though, it was a very small offense. In my head, it took so long, I kept wondering, like, why are they still mad about this? Isn't everybody over it? Yes, Jesus freaking Marsha Clark. Let it go. Somebody died. It drug on so long that I was like, maybe they'll legalize it in mid-trial i thought that i thought that cory booker put a bill out at one point i'm like could it be wait but that's not how shit works you wouldn't just like immediately

get jail broke it like jail broke i guess if if you were in for distributing like 20 30 pounds of marijuana and you go to jail and then they're like weed's legal you're not getting out of jail I don't know what they've done in California exactly I don't know about the 20 or 30 kilos or whatever but the people who had like small level drug offenses like they turn them loose and expunge their records in a lot of cases it depends on yeah the language of the bill right like on the best case scenario turn them loose expunge the records worst case scenario you know people still in have to serve their time because it was a law at the time yeah yeah because you can you can still get in trouble

selling weed in colorado it's a light fine is it no i don't know it's it's not a real big deal it's just like um in new york, smoking marijuana is treated the exact same way as smoking cigarettes. You smoke it in public, that's a $50 fine. Oh, you got two ounces? $250 fine. That's actually what I would like the law to be. Yeah.

Hutch disagreed. He hated the what about the children thing. But I really do want smoking pot. Maybe I'm slow to come around. To be a little underground. There are open container laws and I like those too. Yeah, I like open container laws as well. Although you just get around with a brown bag.

How do you feel about this, Woody? Missouri is the king of open container. You can drink in the car here as long as you're not driving. That's true. I think it's Mississippi. You can drink while you're driving as long as you stay not driving um that's true you can and i think it's mississippi you can drink while you're driving as long as you stay under the limit mississippi forging the way ahead once again bro fist mississippi no downsides to that law of course you can't ride in a motor

vehicle if you're homosexual so a little to the left little to the right you know well what's the bigger crime? Ask the Lord. I'll tell you what he'd say. There's still that shit where it's like you can't dance backwards on Sunday in Massachusetts or the devil will get you. That kind of shit. Where it's like a law that's been on the books since 1604.

I might be full of crap on this, but I think in Philadelphia, if you go over 10 miles an hour, you're supposed to have a guy with a red light running in front what does that mean like like literally like a red light like a lantern of some sort in front of the horse and buggy i would presume i think these are some of those like municipality laws that like that just never got removed yeah or in four and are no longer enforced right right right but the the drinking thing in mississippi is fucking legit like like you want to drink then just keep it under the limit buddy i i heard about this drunk

driving issue the other day i was listening to cnn or something on the on the radio this uh this cute blonde chick i looked it up afterwards i had to see what she looked like she head in collides with a family of three, kills the mother, the father, and the 10 year old daughter instantly kills all three of them. They come and look at, they open her car up the blonde and she's foaming beer from the mouth. She's wearing multiple,

uh, shamrock necklaces on her face. She has painted a big mug of green beer. And she's wearing a shirt that says, kiss me I'm Irish. And I was like, well, drunk driving. And then right below that the paragraph said, they don't believe alcohol

was a factor. They're charging her with murder. They're saying she did it on purpose. Yeah, she was drunk. But she killed those people because she would yeah she was drunk but she killed those people because she wanted to hit them overly ambitious prosecuting she's gonna get off i i think they can i think there may have been something going on between her and the husband the husband was in the middle of a divorce with listen to the woman's own recorded rap single single on my computer i still have vibrator or earring chick and i'm like that's cool chick of

the week so far we never have cool chick of the week it's always cool right now yeah kyle did you know that you can't eat fried chicken with utensils in your state of Georgia? You have to eat it with your hands. I didn't know that. I did not know that. I mean, me personally, I think I'll be careful now if I'm in public eating fried chicken because you never know. But I don't think they usually bust people for that. I like the idea that Kyle's really walking on eggshells.

He's like, personally, I don't want to break any laws. I was at the gas station. I smelled weed and I was like, no, we'll fill up somewhere else. This whole dude. In Missouri, you cannot swing into another person's vehicle and sound the horn without permission which seems like that should be a law everywhere how do you swing into someone's vehicle i don't know i'm picturing a tarzan scenario yeah that's what the little title was it said no tarzans in missouri well no late night fireworks in North Dakota? That's not. Come on. Be cool. I'm looking for North Carolina now.

I got a neighbor that sets off fireworks for any fucking reason he can think of. This guy lives like right back behind me. And I swear to God, tomorrow night, Friday night, it's going to be time for a celebration. And he's not setting off bottle rockets or Roman candles and fucking clickety clickety clack things you throw on the ground. He's got mortars over there. They when they go off and I'm playing games, my friends, they go, is it thundering at your house? And I'm like, no, it's my neighbor with the fucking fireworks again.

And like, it'll be dark in this room. Like, everything's dark and I'm playing the game or whatever. And I've got a window like over here and it's got thick shades on it and everything. It'll, like a camera flash, light up the whole room when they go the fuck off. Fourth of July was a goddamn disaster. Dude.

I have the opposite problem. It's so funny real quick that Kyle is now having a problem with a neighbor firing loud implements that he doesn't care for. Someone in my universe, perhaps a neighbor, walks up my driveway, says, hey, we're having a party on 4th of July. You're invited if you'd like to come.

But I'm letting you know we have fireworks. And it might not be the legal kind. I'm like, hey, you know you have a good time you do your thing oh my god they were like professional fireworks they're like multi stages in the air like i hear illegal fireworks and i think they're gonna like no no it was like a it was like a professional show except except they all blasted it like a hundred feet yeah i hope this table doesn't catch on fire because it just like goes up like where they like where it blows up and you know how usually it goes up high enough that you see

the huge full yeah yeah these i've seen what you're talking about where it'll shoot up and it's so close to the ground still that the whole circle doesn't complete yeah it's like it's you just see a semi-circle off the ground it's the height of a bottle rocket with the explosion of professional grade fireworks and the whole family went outside to watch them you know We had a personal show. We weren't fussing. I like looking at them and everything. I'm telling you,

every fucking third day, like three nights out of the week, these jabronis are setting off fucking fireworks. It's July 25th. Forget about just the month of July. All year round. They a fight they have three firework shows a week i'm not exaggerating this is constant and sometimes they won't even wait

till night sometimes it's not even a full show they'll just set two or three off in the middle of the fucking day i'm like can you type in the name of your town because in my head you live in atlanta which i picture is a very densely populated area. It's funny. When they show you the house and everything, they're like, all right, well, visiting is only on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday until 4. Other than that, no

looking at the house. No, it's a very populated area that I'm in. There's 50, 60 houses right here. I could hit his house with a rock if I Like, in, in. Like, there's 50, 60 houses, like, right here. Like, he's got a... I can... I could hit his house with a rock if I, like, opened the window and somehow angled it right or whatever.

He's got neighbors all around him. Mm-hmm. And nobody else... It's a real shit show. Everybody hears it. No, no. Do they seem to get upset about it the way you do? Well, I mean, I don't make a fuss.

There's no neighborhood guy going around getting a petition signed? No. I'm not going to be an asshole. I'm not going to actually make a fuss about it. I don't like that. I don't like nosy fucking neighbors. I dealt with enough of that in my time. I had that nosy fucking bitch.

That's you, Paula. Paula, you bitch. Fucking called the Secret Service on me, you nutjob. The Secret Service? Did you threaten the president? What number do you even call for that? The Treasury Department. You're not going to be able to handle this. That's the Secret Service Division.

That's what she fucking did. Because of my explosions going off. Why would she think they were the appropriate? I don't know. Because she's trailer trash. And she, yeah. She's a real piece of shit you know who wouldn't do that vibrator earrings chick she'd think she'd never do that so what i did is i

would load up the old bowling ball mortar about five six times a day set that bad boy off because it sounds like 10 pounds of dynamite going off now i spent a lot of money on bowling balls but they're free that's the best part. By the way, I still have my bowling ball mortar. That's not a firearm at all. You can have all the bowling ball mortars you want. And just an ounce, an ounce of black powder will launch a 16-pound bowling ball

a quarter of a fucking mile. That's why the side of my stable looks like a pirate ship. You open those little half doors and roll the bowling ball mortars out. Yeah, I would go to the bowling alley. Colin, Hope, Jackie, ready? Load! Ten degrees northeast!

You got your fucking admiral hat on? you got your fucking admiral hat on your pantaloons and 15 pistols single shot strapped across your chest yeah i would fucking i'd go to the bowling alley and i'd be like hey do you have any uh any broken balls that i could have they're like no we got nothing like that i was like well hang on a minute i load them into a cannon and i fire them a quarter of a mile with it here let me show you a video and then they holy fuck well why didn't you lead with that we got out that's literally how it goes every time we got a bunch of them and they'll just give them to me for free so i would just drive i'd drive back home with a whole the back of my truck is just rolling around like that

back there and we go out there and have one hell of a time those things are fun as fuck that sounds like fun i want to try that someday i uh mine mine like rotates like 90 degrees or something i guess yeah yeah 90 degrees so you can fire straight ahead so i've like shot cars with it and stuff like that like a cannon or then you can tilt it all the way up and shoot it straight up like a mortar, you know, so you sort of do this big arcing fire thing. We loaded that thing up with a bowling ball one time. And I stood right next to a ballistics gel dummy.

And I mean right next to it. Like I can put my hand on his shoulder. And they fired the bowling ball at the ballistics gel guy right over my shoulder and exploded him in high speed. But Kitty was like, oh, we can't show that to anyone. It's too dangerous. And I was like, but why did I fucking do it? You should have still uploaded it and been like,

now my friends, this is what we call movie magic. You can tell it's not movie magic. You see the bowling ball come out at like 6,000 frames per second. Did it the gel hit you i should start with oh no no it just sort of exploded and fell past you maybe you could tell that like if it hit me it would have turned me inside fucking out yeah like i think most people know this the thing about water or gel is it doesn't compress right it could gel is it doesn't compress, right?

It can deform, but it doesn't compress. So unless it can deform fast enough, it might as well be a solid. Pretty much. You know, it's meant to mimic human flesh. It's supposed to be the same consistency as like our fatty tissues and innards minus the bones. Is it as heavy? Like if you picked up a torso of that gel, would it feel like a human torso? Pretty heavy.

I would say probably 50 pounds. It doesn't have the bones in it, so you're lacking that. But still, it's like, alright, I got it. There we go. It's a load. Normally, we would get it in these rectangular cubes.

It's really fucking expensive shit i was lucky enough that they would you ever make it i tried making it and you got to do such a good job it's the clarity is important on camera especially with high speed because you want that side angle where the bullet enters and deforms and does its whole thing and so if the gel isn't extra clear, like as clear as glass, then you really have a terrible looking shot on camera. And so I would try to recycle it. That's what I would really try to do is after we've shot a piece,

let's melt it down and filter it, put it back in the mold. But it just never came out pristine. All these tiny air bubbles. Yeah, air bubbles and it would be yellowed and foggy and gray and it would do all sorts of different things it was just better to just get another block because you wanted how much is a block they would give them to me but they're not cheap like over a hundred dollars i think maybe i don't know it's i didn't have to pay for them but i remember the the the idea of

paying for them was almost like fuck that sometimes well your videos are really profitable though like yeah your videos had a budget which i was always your videos grew right so like there is one video you made where you literally just like stood in near a water source so people say they're not real bullets and you shot it in the water it was new to me to see all the splashes from the bullet it was a neat effect and it was that straightforward you know it was a i'm gonna make it up a six dollar video right no big deal yeah later on there was bigger budgets you know they could cost thousands to put that together they're blowing up cars and things

yeah every car is it was about 700 to a,000 depending on how much I had to spend. Often was buying the guns so you'd have $1,000, $2,000, $3,000 in there. If there's any high speed work that's not done by Richard Ryan, who was always kind enough to donate his time and cameras, that's like $5,000 a day

just to have the camera there. Didn't the Iraq guys help you out too? Am I crazy? Yeah, but they had the same high-speed camera that you have. Well, I paid them. I paid. Eric would donate his time, but Chad, that's his job job. He had sort of quit his real-life job, and so I would pay him for his time and effort and everything.

He was traveling. His investment. Yeah, yeah. I paid him, and deservingly so. But some of those videos i think the um the quad rotor video was 450 000 to make that video um not and and it wasn't the cgi it wasn't the um the uh the props house it was the fucking they rented a movie ranch out in the desert outside of Los Angeles. There were two or three fire trucks, two or three ambulances.

I had a wardrobe and makeup girl for some reason. There were professional explosives experts up in a cherry picker with guns setting off stuff. There was explosives being wired up everywhere. And we're doing it in Los Angeles, not in fucking Georgia. So everything is five times more expensive than it normally was. And they did a full day of shooting, maybe 50 people getting paid for a full day on a union movie job. It was, there was a director,

there was a card girl with, with my lines on them. They, they wasted. So I was like, let's just do it in Georgia. Give me the 450 grand. I'll do it for a buck 25. give me the 450 grand. I'll do it for a buck 25. No, no, no. Gustav really wants to work with you. Jeremy, you got a lot of jobs today.

Jeremy, have you ever been a card girl? I'm going to pay you $300. $300. How is Jeremy doing? Ruined his life. He he's got he's just he ruined his life because he's like uh married with a family yeah and he keeps having those kids like he's got so many goddamn kids so many goddamn i don't even know how many like she had one when he married her and he's had at least three or four more. You had to outnumber the original surrounding. Oh, my God. What a ruined life. He's just working so hard at a shit job and just not making very much money

and just always bumming money from me or my dad. And he's just a moron. He's just a moron, Woody. Now that my trial's over over and everything he called me this is about three months ago while i'm awaiting trial and asked me if i knew where to get some weed well apparently not in the mail i'm like are you fucking insane all of my lines are tapped they're listening to this right now you imbecile no i don't know i'm glad i don't know he asked you for weed three months ago he called it green and then like he immediately texts back, sorry, I think we had a misunderstanding

there. I was talking about them organic collard greens that they got out there in Atlanta. I'm just like, close the... Why wouldn't you just say, oh, I accidentally, I just meant I needed a loan of some money. That's a little better.

It's better than collard greens. It is, yeah. Nobody's looking for organic collard greens. Yeah, you look like you eat than collard greens it is yeah nobody's looking for organic collard greens organic yeah you look like you eat organic collard greens jerome there's just a i just what an imbecile i'm like you realize i'm on federal probation awaiting trial right now right 30 years at stake you realize this right and he's all oh and it like dawns on him uh you know like like like that zach galifianakis fucking equations in the air fucking shit happens but but for him instead of like trigonometry it's like one plus two is equals three and like and shit like that floating

around and oh i was so upset about that but yeah um yeah the budget grew over time and that was the cool part uh you know it was the the more profitable the video was the more money i was willing to spend you know and that's sort of how we would pitch to companies we'd be like there's three there's three versions of this video we can make if we're doing something for like hitman we did the hitman um video it's like yeah the hitman video game i was like i think they picked version two. I'm just going to use arbitrary numbers here. But it's like, all right, for $30,000, you get junior Hitman video. And it's pretty lame, if I'm being honest, because I'm not going to go purchase suppressors for you.

And I'm not going to hire a guy to make me into the Hitman. We're just going to shoot some Hitman guns. Version two, we're going to buy some suppressors. And we're going to make me into the Hitman. And it's going to shoot some Hitman guns. Version two, we're going to buy some suppressors and we're going to make me into the Hitman. It's going to be this, this, and that. That's $60,000. Now for $95,000, you get the mega Hitman video. We're roping down from a helicopter on top of a rooftop. There are multiple actors. I'm going to hire special forces guys. They'll look the part. The level three video was always the one who's like i hope they pick level three not just because you want to make all that money but because like i get to do whatever i want with

that money we're gonna do some stupid shit with that fucking money so yeah that was interesting yeah that was fun that's so funny he asked you if you knew where to get weed. Imbecile. Imbecile. That's stone cold retardation. It is. And it's not like he doesn't know. But like, you know, my situation.

Like, I talked to him six or eight months ago about everything that was going on. I was like, yeah, I'm hoping we get this wrapped up soon. But blah, blah, blah. This could happen and that could happen. Just a nightmare, man. You know, don't, don't, don't do anything silly. You know, I don't, I know you don't get, don't do anything silly, Jeremy. You've got that family over there counting on you and you probably can't afford a team

of lawyers. So don't do anything silly. And he's like, and I thought he said, okay, Kyle, I understand what you're saying. Thank you for giving me the heads up but instead he just went and just completely just forgot everything i said so yeah he's just uh i guess he's doing terribly but that's about par for the course for him when you said that he ruined his life i was hoping you were looking at it through the kyle lens you know like happily married having new children is like the fate worse than death kind

of thing but that's not it's no it's worse than that um like i'm trying to think somebody i know worse than having a loving family yeah yeah like i know a guy what's worse than that carl like i know a guy like what you're describing and uh you know he got married he had two kids one of them had like some sort of special needs where he had to have like some sort of serious surgery or something like that and it was like oh you're talking about me till the very end no no and and uh and it was like ah it's a rough life but i bet he's happy with the decisions he's made he's he's got a loving family you know he's got funny stories. He's like, my daughter got kicked out of preschool. I was like, what happened?

She's a biter. She bit everybody there. And when the teacher asked her why she was doing it, she bit the teacher. And so now she's staying with me. Ain't that right? I don't know. I'm just like, I just got a hand on her forehead.

So now we stay together. He's got band-aids all over him. i just know but no um oh that's a great episode the little ninja girl the other night yeah that was really yeah man barry's great so but but no he's fucked his life up in the in the sense that like terrible wife like like real piece of shit person like leeches off the the government and uh you know real controlling and then like like like you know always i feel like you should have your time away from your wife and she shouldn't need you there all the time and she shouldn't always know where the fuck you are if you're a trustworthy man like it's one thing if you've cheated on her before or something like

that but jeremy hasn't done that and she's just his phone will blow up and you can just hear her brow beating him and be like where are you coming home what are you gonna fucking be here to watch these fucking children oh that sounds like hell on her all right then you better and you know i know he's working like 60 70 hours a week or something stupid it's at a very manual labor intensive job you know like making whatever fucking gas tanks at a plant or some shit like that it's just like fuck don't you ever wish your house would burn down and they'd all be in it like like get a fresh start on this life like i i mean that's what i would hope for every fucking day that i he's. He's a volunteer fireman.

I bet the hose doesn't connect just right. If that house ever catches on fire, it's going to burn to the fucking ground. Because I couldn't imagine being in that same position. I love my independence. I love my freedom to do just about whatever I want for the most part. Yeah. Restrictions. Within state lines. That's right.

I could ask for permission. Perhaps they would allow me to travel, but, you know, at a given date. But nobody's browbeating me and fucking telling me what I can and can't do. And I can stay up fucking late if I want. If I want to leave the mess in the living room, I leave the fucking mess in the living room. And I'll shit in whichever toilet i want i feel like he can't he doesn't have these little liberties that i'm talking about right now i couldn't he's got his designated shitting bathroom probably she doesn't care for it in her bathroom probably yeah yeah i doubt they have more

than one bathroom having multiple options for shitting is one of the tippity top benefits of home ownership i had a real rough day with on the toilet today i uh last yesterday ass piss ass piss yesterday i uh i didn't eat until like 9 or 10 p.m like all day i haven't eaten and it got to the point where i couldn't even order food anymore and i had steak and potatoes but i didn't want to go through the it takes me like an hour and a half to like cook that the way i want to cook it i'm like i want some food now and i'm looking around and i remembered i ordered um from the honey bait ham company the other day i got like a ham sandwich and i ordered a side of macaroni and cheese not knowing that

they were just going to send me a tray of frozen macaroni and cheese i remembered i had that frozen macaroni so for dinner i ate a whole tray of frozen macaroni and cheese oh my god oh my god that it was nothing but cream and cheese that i ate last night at like 11 p.m i woke up at like 7 p.m i i must have shat 12 times today and none of them satisfying shits just you know it's coming again in 23 minutes just just just just liquid just just brown awful liquid pouring from my body like i had food poisoning or something like that just the worst was it like so liquidy like where it was like when you're like the spray is finished you can feel little excess beads like on your ass cheek like dripping it's every time the shit if you

can call it that drips in the toilet it's dripping back up onto my asshole it's just bloop bloop bloop bloop it's like that kick yeah yeah so i'm flushing repeatedly because i have this image of like the brown murky water beneath me that's splashing up on me and i want it to be clean it was a it was a real dirty day i i took three showers today just because i just couldn't deal with it i just felt so gross i had to wash your ass piss an ass piss. Yes. Yes. The toilet paper was not going to handle this. There's not enough wet wipes in fucking North America to handle the mess I was making. It was shower time.

Was it one of those where you were just like, you turned around to flush and you had just painted the bowl? Oh, I did this thing so that, all right, so I found this on the internet. If you don't want shit stains around the rim of your toilet bowl, you spray WD-40 on there, and it just washes away. So that's been a real revolutionary thing in my life. You go to my toilet, there's a can of WD-40 on the back of it. Now, you put that in your asshole in case it doesn't want to come out. That's so funny and then like the way that always goes is all like i'll eat like buffalo wildlings or something like this is like like four or three no it's only like two or three days ago and it was super late at night and i really really, bless you, bless you. Bless you.

And I really wanted something to eat. And I was in one of those modes where, you know, it would get to be like 7, 30, 8 p.m. And you're like, you know, Woody's talked about this. You're like, you know, I could forge ahead. I could go through this whole night and just have a huge stockpile of calories. Like I could win today by not eating dinner. But I hadn't eaten lunch or anything. And like for some reason i just wasn't that hungry and it got to be like 9 57 or something i was just like i'm so hungry and so i

ordered the only thing that uh would still deliver on on uh postmates or whatever and it was a buffalo wild wings which i don't even know it was like a far away wild buffalo wildlings i don't know why they would deliver but they did and so i ordered a bunch of celery a bunch of wings wild and asian zing and that was it i also ordered some buffalo chips which they forgot so so that sucked but it shows up and i haven't gone shopping in a while there's no food in my house just in the parrot with and i get inside i go down to my basement and i'm about to start watching barry and i open up the bag no celery either and i'm like huh well i guess i don't really need any form of fiber at all and so i just ate nothing but like a pound and a half of wings and then the next morning I woke up

and I was getting ready to do something. And I felt like that. But it was the kind of that wasn't ready yet. It was like a three hours from now kind of thing. Like Pierce Brosnan in that Dante's Peak movie trying to warn all the townspeople

about the volcano. And I get out. I do some errands.s i come back and on the way back i'm like 10 minutes from home and i get the and it's like all right you've been in this situation before you'll be fine not four minutes later do i have like i know where i am i have ways open on my phone to get home hoping i can shave off 20 or 25 seconds in a different route or something because i am gonna shit my pants and it was that kind of thing where like i'm going down i'm beaming down the street trying to get home probably 35 40 miles over the speed limit and being like started to come to terms with the fact like you you know, the,

the I think I've talked about this before, like the inner monologue rationalization of like, you know, everybody, everybody poops their pants sometimes, you know, and everybody poops it in their car that they just bought a couple months ago. But you know, we can, we can move past that too. But then I get in the last home mile or so I get home and I'm running through my house. I get on the toilet and I do the, to try and force it out. Nothing.

No, I've still got the intense pain of needing to shit, but there is no fiber, nothing to help eat this meat through. And so I sat there for probably 15 minutes or so, just knowing I was going to give myself an anal fissure by how hard I was trying to push that out and it was just heavy thick shit heavy kind of the kind that sticks to the bowl you know where

you flush and then there's a bunch of wounded soldiers still clinging to the side of iwo jima and i must have had three or four shits just like that where they were full. They weren't shits like the ass piss shits where you get up and you're like, Oh, okay. That's probably the last of it. Every time I stood up from having chat immediately, the feeling of needing to shit started again, but I would just walk and watch TV or do something.

Cause I was like, I can't just keep sitting here until my feet fall asleep again. That's why I got a bedpan. This way I can. can't just keep sitting here until my feet fall asleep again that's why i got a bedpan this way i can just oh that was and then i every time i do that and i eat nothing but meat for like a wing day like like a month or two will go by and then i'll rationalize it again and i'll do it again and i'll have another thick just i refuse thick shit like spackle i don't eat chipotle anymore because it's just it i know what's coming it's it's gonna be rough chipotle's never got me bad what are you putting

your burritos that gets you i don't know exactly i get the pinto beans uh sour cream cheese lettuce uh what kind of meat chicken always chicken i don't like the steak uh and uh i get the fajita veggies that's good do you get the spicy queso uh i usually don't get queso at all i just get salsa you're just making me want a burrito i love chipotle and kidoba they're both the same we have moe's here we don't have as many kidobas uh moses good too but mose you can't like pick up the burrito and eat it you like eat it with a fork right no you can you pick it up it burrito and eat it. You like eat it with a fork, right? No, you can pick it up. It's a dry burrito.

It's almost identical to Chipotle. Yeah, I don't like wet burritos. I don't like them at all. What's a wet burrito? You know, it's on a plate and they put like a Rolano sauce on it. Oh, yeah, I don't like that either. I want it to be a hand food. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, absolutely. You guys want to watch that video? I'd it to be a hand food. Yeah, me too. Yeah, absolutely. You guys want to watch that video? I'd love to. It looks like things are going to escalate quickly. Exponentially, even. So, to set this up doesn't take much. There is a car and a motorcycle.

They appear to be in some dispute. The motorcycle attacks the car. Ready? That'll go well. Set. Play. There's no audio. Motorcycle next to car. Kicks it! Car swerves right into him.

Oh no! Car loses control. Hits the barrier. Hits a fucking truck. Flips the truck. They both spin out. Truck's upside down. Motorcycle's riding away like fucking schwarzenegger just man this is california this isn't even russia and someone had a dash cam going i love this yeah did he hit the motorcyclist when he swerved at him i think he hit him yeah he motorcycle yeah he hit him he bumped him yeah he did he hit him the yeah. Motorcycle kick? Yeah, he hit him. He bumped him.

Yeah, he did. He hit him. The motorcyclist kept his cool, and the car completely lost it. You know, the real victim in all this is the poor guy in that Honda Ridgeline. Yeah, whatever that is. They're probably grievously injured now. They're upside down, sliding down the I-5. They're fucked. Jesus Christ. That sucks. Poor guy. That's no good. injured now they're upside down sliding down the i-5 they're fucked jesus christ that sucks

poor guy that's no good oh hey after we talked about the david goggins guy on um on uh the on pkn this week i had to go back and watch that joe rogan experience he's even more hardcore than i had remembered him being he's so goddamn hardcore he's just he he's just cool he makes you get naked and hang out maybe that's his thing is he's just like you know nobody's gonna think i just want to see naked dudes get if i make them do it in wisconsin in january people who haven't already seen pkn catch up yeah he's this uh he's a black guy uh he's a navy guy. Uh, he's, he's a Navy SEAL. Um, uh, he, um, he's been overweight a couple of times in his life, uh, and he's beaten it and he's a ultra marathon runner, like hundreds of miles. Um, he's incredibly motivational, amazingly fit. He set the world

record for chin ups in a day. Um, it might be 27,000. I'm not sure how many it is. I was like, 27? I have a shot. Yeah. He's talking about doing them, and I guess the guy who had the record is there, maybe. He's like, yeah, motherfucker. I told you. I told you. He's cranking them out. Rogan's like,

you were working out when I got here. That's usually not a thing. That's usually... I got here... What did you get here? I got here. That's usually not a thing. That's usually, like, I got here. What did you get here? I got here an hour early. He's like, you got to my place an hour early and started working out. I was like, yes, what I do. That's what I do.

He's like, I come in, and you're just cranking out chin-ups. He's like, haven't you gotten sick of them? He's like, that's what I do. out chin-ups. He's like, haven't you gotten sick of them? He's like, that's what I do. He's so ridiculously intense. I wish I could think of some of the quotes. Oh, he had a hole in his heart, a big one. And they discover this hole in his heart and they have to do open heart surgery, I think maybe, where they put this patch in there and the heart has to grow around it. And then every six months, they to like do this bubble test thing where like if the bubble goes through the hole then oh shit we have to crack you open again and after he's working out

with the hole in his heart post-surgery while it's healing he's doing what he calls ruck runs or something like that with like a you know a big backpack on going for runs and like he's like then they said i couldn't run no more i said i'm gonna be the most walkingest motherfucker they's ever been so i started walking and i walked hard he's just like the the angriest walker in the whole fucking park all these white women at the mall passing them by the hot topic grandmothers. Wearing full seal gear or something, probably like that. He's so goddamn hardcore every step of the way.

There's nothing he does without the utmost intensity. It's very fun. You should check out that JRE. It's nuts. I want to see it now. You've got me curious. You said something about full intensity that caught my attention. So I was in Utah a couple weeks ago doing this paragliding thing

and there was a rain date which we didn't need so I had an extra day in Utah to do with what I wanted. I decided to go to the top of some pass and go hiking in the mountains. Alright, cool. I see these guys and they are like decked to the nines, right? They've got a

walking stick, a backpack, a camel with a tube so they can stay hydrated the whole time. Some sort of sun hat and like, they're just like decked out to do some major league day hiking. And it's like, settle down, bitch. I just saw a girl on the same trail, eight years old brushing Barbie's hair at the same time and you're like, why do you need a camelback for this? I'm wearing skateboarding shoes, they're Vans relax, slow your roll I do like that

when I go hiking and like a very casual like wood hike not a mountain hike, this is Missouri, we don't have mountains here, it's just hills and woods and things, every once in a while you can like have a nice little look onto the onto the river and you'll see those guys like the 12 not like like a 1200 setup it seems like because they're backpacks that i've never seen at rei you probably have to special order these they got shoes that are way too clean for someone who is apparently a mountaineer in the middle of Missouri.

And you're right. You'll see kids on a bike with training wheels on the path. And it's like, dude, you look like a fucking loser. Like straight up loser. And then you go out and hop in your Chevy Pinto and drive off. Like, reinvest. I didn't think loser. I just thought cosplaying.

They were cosplaying hiking. There's cosplayers in every fucking hobby out there. Every hobby out there has their cosplayers. You know, like Airsoft, Paintball, fucking Gun Guys. There's so many cosplayers when it comes to Gun Guys.

Do you remember laughing at the fat guy at that Paintball event like eight years ago who had like really nice running shoes and knee pads on and he was really overweight and all he did was just sit like Jabba the Hutt in the back and go

Was he good at it though? He was real good at the finger movement and the gun takes over, does all the work He was on his knees, you know, every bunker, not enough to contain this man and other people like, you know, hiding behind him also and it was just like what are you doing with those those clean-soled running shoes yeah i'd much rather play with the guy who's like going in the complete opposite direction he's like this is fun this is silly this is goofy we're shooting paint at each other

i'm gonna wear a bikini and that guy was there too the i guess it'd be a jester hat which has like the multi-colored sprouts and like bells on the end there's a club that i guess you call them a club a team that all dresses in those hats and they're actually pretty good like yeah if they move together look anyone who works as a team in paintball beats the people who don't it's like like Call of Duty. When we were doing paintball that first year, T-Mart and I were the two lowest guys on the totem pole of who got invited. And so we had our tipmans, and we both kind of agreed we got to be hyper-aggressive to get these guys to want us back. But also because we're not hitting anyone from where they're shooting. And so every single time we started a game, like you guys would be with your high quality,

like doing like the arc thing where you kind of like a leading a group of people. And me and team art were like, remember in brave heart when that guy's like, send the Irish, that's what we were. Just run forward, hoping to get someone you get ah only 10 feet away pop pop pop

and every once in a while you'd get a shot that went straight and you're like now i'm tuned in nope then you gotta go trying to get the paint those tip ones were so bad like you can hear the difference on the paintball field like like if you're facing an opponent and if you hear you're like all right all right let's tighten up here boys he's got a fucking real gun but then if you hear you're like all right it's like when you're playing pub g and you hear and somebody shoots a crossbow at you you're like, all right. It's like when you're playing PUBG and somebody shoots a crossbow at you. You're like, all right, let's go get him. Yeah, I knew that my equipment was better than Taylor's, but at first, I didn't realize

how much the equipment was responsible for the skill gap between us. I was like, I just got it all over Taylor. I'm a much more valuable piece of this team. Then I tried a tip minute. I knew that you couldn't shoot as fast, but shooting fast is only part of it.

That's not the big thing, I think. But not being able to shoot straight. It's not off by a little. It'll swerve like 12, 18 feet out of the way. You can't hit. You break balls all the time. You hit people on accident constantly with a kickman. I got you and it's boom.

I got your friend. 18 feet that way. That guy's on my team. Paintball's one of those things where the more money you spend, the more fun you'll probably have. If you're playing in an open environment where everybody... In auto racing,

there's classes where it's open. And it's like, spend as much money as you fucking want. 100 grand? Do it. Some of us are going to be driving our 6,000 other cars, but do it. You can dominate the field. And that's how paintball is most of the time. Now, if you're just playing and everybody chooses a pistol or everybody chooses a pump you level the playing

field and it's fun but if you're gonna play in like a like the scenario games that we would play or just rec games that we would set up ourselves with fans i came with a better setup every fucking year we play the last time we went my gun i i, I got the gun that Wolf has. I've got the die damn with the big box magazine on the bottom and a scope on top. Did you feel like that was better? I wouldn't have traded guns. It's so much better. It's so good, dude. But wait.

It's so fucking good. Professionals don't choose that gun. They do in scenario. We're not playing speedball like like i also have my speedball marker which is also 15 or 1700 and it's it's more lightweight and for like running in a rush third of that cost but i felt like you maybe i'm underestimating it but i feel like my it was an axe empire yeah i think and i i never felt like the gun held me back yeah uh i i i just like mine i like mine more than i've got

move i i prefer the more expensive gun i can't remember it's a um it's not a lux it's a geo i don't know what it's called anymore it's somewhere is it bringing a speedball gun to a scenario game like be an op or do i have it wrong no that i mean i mean it's fine. They're all shooting. The thing I like about my gun is it holds a lot more paintballs. It holds like 250 or 300 at a time. You're able to aim over the top because there's not a hopper. And it's got the air tanks on my back. So it's a little bit lighter. And mine takes, I can drop the big box magazine. I can grab one of those stick mags that are on my vest, and I can go to the rifled first strike rounds, which are actually

fucking accurate. That shit where I lined all you guys up that time and shot you with them, and like, everybody completely underestimated just how bad they were going to hurt, including me. You guys stand way too close. I had to make sure I hit you. I think that video is still up. I had to make sure I hit you. I got off easy.

I don't know if you didn't hit me or maybe I had a loose shirt or something like that, but I got off easy. I didn't get off easy. Beforehand, we're in this, there's a, I don't know, a little porch where you speed check your guns to make sure they're not firing too hot. And we were using these old paintballs, which get very hard on the outside. And I had never played paintball before.

And Kyle's like, hey, if you want, I can shoot you in the leg just to get it over with, get that fear behind you, et cetera. Kyle shoots me in the leg from like 18 inches away with this old paintball. One, it hurt more than I thought. And two, it bled a lot more than I thought because I didn't expect any blood.

It bled a lot. I have the video here. I could timestamp it. Do I remember it right? Did I get off easy? I don't know. I didn't watch any further than like... I think it's timestamped so it starts at like 3 minutes and 29 seconds. Alright.

You guys ready? Yes. Ready, set, play. I think I'm in the blue in the middle. That kid got hit in the neck. I remember that. Yeah, he bled so much. He got the worst of it. Oh Jesus Christ! You have to stop dodging, that's bullshit!

Trevor's running around. I'm trying to be brave. See, I think it hit my shirt loosely. I hit your shirt, yep. Yep, you got off easy. I'm gonna try to shoot Mercador in the hand, I don't know. I said I'm gonna shoot Taylor in the hand! Perfect! I shot him in the hand.

You should hear him from there. Taylor showed some bravery. That hurt so much. I remember, yes. I had my hand up here, and you hit me in the hand, and all of the goo just right in my mouth. Yeah, those first strike rounds are really fucking accurate.

They were a new thing during this filming. This is 2011. They were fairly new during then. They've gotten better over the years and more guns fire them now. That gun there that I'm shooting, I don't even remember who gave me those guns. I had two of them. That was that gun that I cut my hand that time and everybody

made fun of those cuts on my hand. That was so lame. I had so so many cut everybody acts like i was the biggest pussy my hand slid over the the picatinny rail and four picatinny rails made eight cuts that went from the bottom of my hand all the way to the top of it and they were cuts were so small that i like you certainly couldn't see all eight of them or anything like they weren't all visible to the human eye. And Kyle's putting band-aids on cuts that, like, I had never seen a man behave that way

before. It was awful. They weren't bleeding because there was, like, dirt rubbed into them. But they were just excruciating. I would have much rather had a real cut. Most children don't behave like that. It was so much worse than a real cut that would require

stitches or something. They were like mega paper cuts. Eight of them across my entire palm. And I'm using my palm. Why are paper cuts more painful than a real cut? There's got to be science behind that. There is. I don't remember. I've read it though.

I don't know because i'd rather get a real cut as far as the pain's concerned than the paper cut it was fucking awful i still remember how bad that hurt i've had a lot of cuts and that was that's one of the worst most painful like cutting and it like ruined the day for me just every time i would squeeze my hand it was just like it hurt the whole the whole hand hurt it was awful and they they got like a little i was trying my best to keep from getting infected that's why i was like rubbing shit on it like neosporin and bandages because i didn't want my so in that scenario uh if you got shot you had to go all the way back and get respawned and so people don't know like

this picture two opposing forces kind of trying to control the center if you're losing that means you respawn more quickly if you're winning you it takes a long walk and we were winning by a ton uh our team was just better it had more organized sub teams etc i walked back every time how many people as a percentage do you think we're fairly respawning was it i don't know certainly not me no no it took me three years to be like this is really awful like all this walking we're doing i preferred to lose i uh i would walk like i would walk back like i would fall back out of the action because i felt like that's what what i really should be doing is like all right i got shot i'm out of this fight but i'm not going all the way back because for one thing a lot of these people paid like 150 to play with me

like i'm giving people's i'm giving people their money's worth by coming back and slapping some kid on the back and doing the fucking russian voice oh boy comrade you know come on you come with me and i would do that a lot i'd grab a few kids and we'd go on a little mission so i i didn't feel like i was a cheater as much as i i felt like i would be cheating them out of their experience if i'm spending literally two hours out of the eight hours worth of game fucking lord of the rings walking around um but so yeah i wouldn't walk all the way back and then because it was literally like probably a mile like like round trip, easy, like, like easy.

Yeah. And, and you're not dressed for the weather you're dressed for the shooting, you know? So it's 90 something and I've got a padded shirt on and long pants and like, and I don't do well in heat. I suck. Yeah. Me too. Yeah.

I just remember how drenched we all were with sweat. I don't think I'd ever sweat that much. Cause usually like if you're outside working, you get the work done and then you go inside. It's like, well, you know, it's a hot one out there. Yeah. Glad that's over. Yeah it is Wally. I was out there in the hot one, but this it's like, no, we're going to be here all day. There's no quit. There's this little breaks in between. I remember I had that Gatorade in one of my holsters. So I was just drinking so much Gatorade like maybe a gallon a half a gatorade throughout the day and when i would piss it was a little tinkle it wasn't a man piss it was just like pinkity pinkity pinkity pink all right we're

done here i guess it's all coming out of my pores right now and i'm just drenched in it it was so fucking hot and humid chicago is notorious for that, I guess, in the summertime. I didn't realize it. And plus, even that area that we were in in Joliet was kind of swampy. That definitely added to it. So fucking hot and humid. That was fun, though. It was good times. I love shooting those

kids. It's always been one of my favorite things since I was a kid, was to go out there and fucking hurt people with a paintball gun. Yeah, win and hit people and it is satisfying that they get a little sting wouldn't play if it didn't hurt yeah that's what's not as fun about airsoft unless i guess you're playing like high high quality high tier airsoft because when me and my friends would play airsoft like in backyards and things or like in the woods we didn't have like super high class guns i remember once i i was like i'm i'm springing for a nice gun and a nice gun for

us was like a hundred bucks and it was this bolt action spring powered sniper rifle with a scope on it and it was the only gun i've ever had that actually went straight and i only picked it at the army surplus depot i would go to to get paintball and airsoft stuff because it had the highest fps on it and very quickly nobody wanted to play with me anymore yeah because i was like all right everybody start ready set go and they'd be like ah fuck god damn this is so good because they'd have that gun that was this big and electric and he goes and you have to like archery style get them yeah and lob it over them so uh i would recommend like i don't care for airsoft it's it's mostly because i feel like people overdress so that they the the bb's don't hurt as much as they should hurt so that we all play in a

respectable manner. The more it hurts, the more tactical everyone will play. Cause they don't want it to fucking hurt. But if you, if all these kids are coming in there dressed like just head to toe with thick, heavy stuff,

that's not just thick and baggy, but I actually has like that sort of tough rubbery stuff on the outside. Like, like they don't give a fuck if they get shot there and meanwhile i like to play in a t-shirt and like paintball pants like like the short sleeves like i want it to fucking hurt and nobody else wants to do that if i if you play like that indoors close quarters combat with legitimate like m4 style like ar-15 style rifles. It's so much fucking fun. Dude, I went to this place in Atlanta with my ex-girlfriend.

It was nuts. It's dark. It's indoors. And they've got buildings set up. Close quarters. You're going room to room. And everybody's got flashlights and lasers and shit on their gun. They're putting that fake fog stuff around so the lasers and the flashlights like show up i bumped into a guy like like we was

kind of ran into each other in a house and we both went and fucking lit each other up i dropped to a knee from the pain it was extreme because they shoot like 400 feet per second or something like that dude a 45 caliber bullet only goes about 700 feet per second like it i've played bloody welts in california it was like a sponsored thing so i had a good gun and a nice scope on it and stuff like that it was a m4 variant of some sort and uh yeah it seemed like when i hit people in paintball, I'd hit them like once or twice. A lot of them were missing and such. When I hit them in airsoft, I'd hit them like 18 times before I knew what, you know, before it was like addressed. And they're like, stop, stop, like anything, just please stop.

And I was like, did I go overboard? Like I just shot until he said stop. It seemed to hurt plenty. And I thought it hurt plenty. It hurts plenty. Yeah. It hurts plenty. It hurts plenty. I don't know. Maybe I played against bad people because I was crawling around under bushes and stuff like that,

and that seemed to be super effective. I was getting behind enemy lines, and even with cameras pointed at me. The only fun thing about laser tag is chasing children and shooting them every time they're about to respawn. And that is so fun. There's a way to like move around so you don't get shot. The child that you're competing with will realize that there's like 12 sensors on you. The child that you're fighting with will realize that you're getting the best of them. So they turn around and run to their side.

So you just shoot them in the back repeatedly. One kill, two kills, three kills, four kills. I get 12 kills chasing a kid back to spawn. Oh yeah, and all they have to do like they're trying to run back, and they're running their little legs as fast as they can, and I'm quick walking just, it's like, you hear like the

doo-doo-doo, you're ready, soldier. Pew! You're ready, soldier. Pew! You're ready, soldier. Pew! Stop it! Stop it! And every once in a while, another adult has to be like, can you stop chasing that nine-year-old? Only one of those legs is real. I played laser tag a few years ago.

So there's two ways to get points. One is to kill the other team. The other is to shoot their base, right? So it should be hard to hold this area. But everybody sucks at laser tag because who plays serious laser tag? I'm just shooting the base constantly, racking up hundreds, like 600, 800 points, you know, like way more than you could get killing someone. It's like no one's going to stop me from doing this. We're winning by a lot.

And the whole time, the little speaker on the gun is encouraging you where it's like, slaughterer. Laser tag's fun, especially if you're not a kid. It is. Last time I had laser tag, it was probably 12 years ago or something.

But it was at this place that had a bunch of different bumper cars. I'm sorry, not bumper cars. What are they? Go-karts. And there's something else called where you're in a bumper car in a basketball-sized court. And there's four people on each team. And you have one of those high-lie throwers.

And there's just a ball on the ground. And so you're driving one-handed and you grab that ball and you try and throw it like pass it to each other but nobody can pass we just started playing this four minutes ago we don't know how to return and do that and so it's just hucking it at the net on the other side oh that was a blast i remember what it's called i did a go-kart racing but they're good go-karts, right? These are much faster than you think. And it's like a Woody Craft team building event. So we flew everyone in and then we all hung out and did this. And right out of the gate, I see the other cars going,

or maybe I hit the gas. And I was like, whoa, this is actually dangerous. These are fast race cars on a very small course. Somebody, not with us, hit a wall, flipped up, landed upside down in a pile of tires. And I'm like, this really happens. No wonder they made

me sign that waiver. I thought we were joking. Taylor, remember those go-karts that we drove in Denver? Oh yeah, those were so... I remember hitting his shoes so hard on accident because he was he was edging me out and i was like trying to do the like turn on the inside corner and he was taking a wider turn because he he's more of a bowser character i'm more of a mario

and so he was taking a wide turn and i went over there and i was trying to take the turn really tight and i'd never done fast go karts like this i'd only gone to the speed where it's like oh And so he was taking a wide turn and I went over there and I was trying to take the turn really tight. And I'd never done fast go-karts like this. I'd only gone to the speed where it's like, Oh, I'm going quick, but this is going to follow exactly where I tell the wheels to put it. Like I'm not going to skid out.

I turned and the whole thing goes, jumped in the air, slammed into his so hard that he shook back. and i just had to like shrug and afterward i apologized it was such a hard hit i didn't mean to the the success in driving on our like on the woody craft team was totally stack ranked by weight right so the heather who ended up ghosting woody craft at the end but anyway heather was the fastest by far because she weighed like 85 pounds and then it just went down. The tightest competition was me, a full-sized American, and this lightweight Scottish guy who didn't even drive yet.

So that's why we were even. But it was good times, man. The way I remember it, weight didn't seem to – these cars went like 50. They were ridiculous the weight mattered so much but the lighter drivers completely denied that heather thought she was just hitting shoulders better at driving than anyone else there and it's like that's not the come on you should have handed all right hang on to these sandbags um yeah i would have changed

everything because she was just buzzing around her tires were like glued and everyone else was slight i mean i have a hundred pounds of sand do you remember we would like we went into it thinking like all right so we're just gonna go like 10 times in a row and we get like three races in a row in that and because you're like nervous you're gripping it so hard and when you bump into things it's racking your forearms and like compressing them and so you would unbuckle and get out of this thing and by like five steps toward like the the bar and where you get chicken wings just like oh oh this is like a workout your forearms would be so blasted like all of us like like i was i i was working out then it didn't matter it didn't so blast because you're just

squeezing as hard as you can for prolonged periods of times 10 minutes at a time squeezing squeezing and the steering you're just blowing your forearms out the whole time it's just till they're numb it was a whole body fatigue for me like i didn't realize i was getting tuckered out during the drive and then afterwards it's like yeah you know like i thought fun was just doing it back to back to back to back let's do this for six hours straight turns out you don't even want that yeah you need a break this was like this was the first time i had done go karts where i didn't have my foot down all the way on the pedal 100 of the time yeah because that's the way you do normal go-karts is foot all the way down and i'm not letting up until the end of the race with this i tried that the first run until i ran into some tires and some 17 year olds had to come out and be

like let me turn you around retard and i was like okay this is gonna take a little more uh you know of a tactical and it was indoors too i don't know i don't think we mentioned that like it's all indoors it was it was real cool i uh i like that a lot i would do that again that was a blast tactical approach. It was indoors too. I don't think we mentioned that. It's all indoors. It was real cool. I like that a lot. I would do that again. That was a blast. I would too. That may have been my second favorite thing. I really like the putt-putt that we did. I like that a lot.

Mini golf? Mini golf. I love mini golf. I think it's fun. We were pretty fucked up. Oh, okay. I think it's fun. We were. Yeah. I mean, we were pretty fucked up, so. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I can see how that.

I, I, you know, I don't have fun playing mini golf. Well, I find myself in the middle of the pack. I'm not winning, but I'm not like that.

Where do we park? Remember, we're trying to, you know, those last holes where you hit it and then the stump or whatever swallows it up? When we're like, we think we have the most brilliant idea ever, we're like hey guys, we don't have to play the last

hole. We can play the whole thing again. If we want to until you play again. Is that what you did? Yeah. Genius. Saved $4 a piece. That adds up.

Yeah, that adds up over time. That's a good trick. This guy got caught cheating in a tournament here on Twitch. He's playing Apex Legends. Oh, then I definitely want to watch what you just linked to it because that's hilarious. Yeah, mine's super short too. We'll do Kyle

first. Watch this aimbot he's got. I'm at zero. I don't know this guy. I don't know what his name is. Is this a pro though, or just some guy? I've never heard of this guy, frankly, but they're playing in an Apex Legends tournament. This is a really fast-paced

arcade shooter. It's quite popular. It's a fun game. But what he's about to do is just impossible. I'm ready. I'm ready ready set play Oh Chat don't clip that What the fuck don't clip that. Don't shit that. What the fuck. Don't clip that chat. I'm getting sniped.

Oh shit. Oh yeah, don't clip that. That will prevent it. Alright, whatever. Alright, whatever. I guess I'm busted. For those of you who are just listening. What the fuck. He's shooting at two separate guys. And it's just headshot headshot

and then it whips to the second guy instantly like as fast as the mounts could possibly travel and just just quadruple headshot or something like that on two separate guys and just drops them instantaneously so obviously um uh are there less obvious che, like cheats that just make you a 15% better shooter. That kind of, you know, um, aim assist on a call of duty on a console. You can even go through a wall and it kind of stickies on the guy.

So it depends what you're, what you're doing. If you're Twitch streaming, see, it's kind of hard. Cause, cause everybody's watching what you're doing. So like the best streaming, see, it's kind of hard. Because everybody's watching what you're doing. So the best way to cheat

on Twitch is if you've got some kind of a recoil script, something that's making it appear that you have the ability to correct the recoil by dragging down or whatever, but in fact a macro is doing it for you, that would be a pretty good cheat. Although if people see that you're performing at an extremely

high consistent level and they don't see that in the the rest of your play style that's kind of a giveaway the other way in games like pub g some people will have a cheat on like their phone and they'll have their phone mounted near the screen and if they look at the phone they'll be able to see the positions of all the players on the map in relation to them and so you'll see that there's a classic clip where you can see the guy keep looking keep looking keep looking and when i watch i play enough pub g that i can watch the player's eyes and i know why and where he should be looking like like there's only a few places you look and there are there there are reasons you look in those places you know there's there's a heads-up display i know where everything is this guy's looking somewhere he shouldn't be looking right before every gunfight and it's like

this guy's fucking cheating and if you're not streaming you're not competing then there's a huge amount of cheats that you can get away with there's like instant heals um wall hacks where you can see through the walls um i got killed the other day by a motherfucker driving a flying motorcycle. Which game? PUBG. Me and Middy, we're playing duos, 2v2v2v2v2

50 times over. We pull up on our own motorcycle. We just have escaped certain death. We're very happy. We're like, I can't believe we made it out of that. I walk into a building. He goes to run down the alley a little bit, go into a second building, and I hear BING!

This guy's playing music through his microphone, flying a motorcycle, and he has crushed MIDI. And I'm like, what the fuck? And he comes back around, and his motorcycle doesn't perform like a motorcycle. It performs like this omnidirectional smash machine superman yeah kinda and he just goes smash smash on top of midi and it crushes him and i'm like fuck this i closed the door and i like i'm like hiding in a house he crashes through a window and smash smashes

on the bike on the bike like he goes through a window that bikes can't even go through if you hit a perfect jumper he goes through this little narrow window like and like i'm like there's a man on a bike three feet off the ground flying around inside a goddamn house with me and i think i think his name was ron weasley who's the character from harry potter who's who had the flying car. It was not funny. It was not funny to us. We didn't care for it. It was pretty funny.

I wish I had the clip. You said talking about the streaming. Back when I played as much as I used to, then yeah, I could obviously tell if it was on console or PC or kind of hacks or decision making. People who spend a lot of time in it pick up on that stuff.

It's super good. Yeah. Some of it you can't, but a lot of it you can. Like if somebody's just, sometimes people are just so good that it's like this is different. Then the game has a feel to it. When gunfights have feels to them, like a pace, a cadence. have feels to them like like a a pace a uh a cadence and suddenly you'll run into a guy who's just it's clear that he can see through what you're hiding behind because he's instantly firing as soon as a little of you comes out and he's hitting you in the head every single firing is a thing but there's limits to how perfect people can be at it yeah when they're

perfect at it you know know, every single time. They don't pre-fire every corner, just the corners where people are. Exactly. And, you know, one guy wipes all four of us out. Cheating's fairly rare in PUBG. I rarely report somebody, like maybe five, six times ever. I've been playing World War Z, which I don't think is a super popular game but it is new this year at least i'm not left for dead 2 anymore and uh i'm almost level 30 to every

character which maybe you'd compare it a 10th prestige um nice but i'm not good like in by the time i wrapped up playing left for dead i could carry like new players and stuff and uh i'm not that in world war z yeah i enjoy pub g just came out with a whole new season um you know you earn unlockables as you go which is kind of nice and they completely revamped their original map they they changed it tremendously they added a lot of new stuff original map gone no it's still there it's just a new version of the original map it's called erengal and uh they just they you know when it first came out it was it's just a new version of the original map it's called erengal and uh they just they you know when it first came out it was it's been the same map essentially since early access and

at first there were some there were some barren areas sort of just like oh this is just a big fucking open field and they at they they fixed all that they remodeled all the textures all the buildings they changed the cars they put radios in the cars like so many tiny little uh changes to pub g we've been having a lot of fun playing it sounds like good changes too which is impressive because it's pretty hard to change a game and not have people dislike some of those changes yeah i haven't uh there hasn't been any changes that i didn't like every time they add something they're basically adding something that's really fucking cool like there have been gas cans in the game since the beginning. Nobody used them because the cars just had plenty of gas and decent gas mileage.

They're like, huh, let's make them explode when you shoot them. And everybody's like, fuck yeah, gas cans are awesome now. They're stacking gas cans up on the bridge and waiting for somebody to try to drive past them and making big bombs at them and shit. Yeah, they've added a lot of cool stuff. I've been enjoying PUBG. That's all there is to play right now the new cod looks sick though the new cod looks uh more grounded more like realistic you know it's pump shotguns and ak-47s is there anything cod can do

to bring people back to it though like this looks good if they release modern warfare 2 this year right i think that was the most popular no black ops 1 i think was the most popular. No, Black Ops 1 I think was the most popular. If they release that this year, I don't think people love it. They say it's a so-so game. It's all bland. It's on a brand new engine this year. It looks fantastic. Like I said,

it's not in the future. It's modern day, essentially. I think it's just called Modern Warfare. It looks really day, essentially. I think it's just called Modern Warfare. And it looks really good to me. Didn't Wings hate it? Do we remember what Wings' criticism was, or am I crazy? I don't think he said anything about the new COD, but he always sort of shits on whatever is new. Everybody does.

Well, actually, everyone loves it before it comes out, and they shit on it come Christmas. Yeah, I mean, you know, I love the last Call of Duty, the most recent one that's out right now that has the blackout mode, the battle royale mode. That's fantastic. I think it's great. I mean, it's got a few little balance issues, little things that aren't a ton of fun to play around. Does the next COD come with less?

Maybe that's what he fussed about. Like it didn't have as much. The last COD came with less. The last COD had no campaign mode. It gave you multiplayer multiplayer battle royale and zombies uh this time around you're getting multiplayer campaign mode is back and it's a very gritty hardcore campaign that those cupcakes from um gizmodo or wherever the fuck or ign i should say we're just like ah if it's 16 hours of of that i just don't want to play i i came to play a fun game and i felt like i was executing

civilian i'm like executing civilians you say oh yeah were they kids because i like executing kids the most there is a baby there's babies. Shoot some dogs and take my money. If I can get me some baby ears around my neck in the digital realm, I'll pay for that season pass, whatever it takes. Let's go. It's got the Spec Ops mode, which I've never cared for. There's going to be no Battle Royale mode. It seems like a misstep to me.

I've never cared for Spec Ops. It's sort of what Infinity Ward did back in the day to try to combat Treyarch's zombie mode they were like hey it was not fun i'm sure it'll be better than it was back in modern warfare 2 but you're not gonna beat zombies zombies is sick i don't know why spec ops wasn't fun but it's the kind of thing that i'd play with colin so like i have an interest that i wouldn't have had you know it felt like it felt like campaign missions but without the bonus of a story it felt like just let's battle some ai in a very restricted area and you do it like this and like that and go and i'm like why i don't fucking care

i can't put my finger on why zombies is fun and spec ops isn't and there's aspects of zombies i really don't like as a filthy casual wait a minute how do you turn the power on yeah how was i supposed to know how to do that like this you didn't watch you have to watch someone be like hey guys this is zombie man steve and get ready for five hours of turning on the power it's like this this fucking sucks you know you need to run and do this oh and do you want the staff of ice well click to part two of my seven hour series it should be kill 15 people by the barrier where the power switch is that that's how i want the game to be the the the puzzles i don't know how people got the answers. I like it. I like it a lot.

I only like the puzzles sometimes. If the puzzles are getting the special weapon, it's okay. If you have to do a puzzle to get an integral perk like Juggernaug, I don't like it. I like it for the bare bones of the game. Juggernaug doesn't exist anymore. Or if the puzzles were just

visual Easter eggs. Do all these crazy things and you can take the plane and you land where you took off. game juggernaut doesn't exist anymore or if the puzzles were just really visual easter eggs do all this crazy things and you can take the plane and you land where you took off like that that's fun they said that they didn't like that there was a meta you know that everybody was like all right gotta get juggernaut gotta get this this and that and that's how you play zombies they didn't like that so they just removed juggernanaut, and they sort of edited the other perks a little bit, and it's not great. I hope it's good. Sometimes they have the wrong goals.

They're like, you know what? I've realized that people play zombies by kiting the AI, so let's put lava all over the ground and cars and ruin all the kiting spots. Yeah, and then you have to try and find a kiting spot when it was like, you you fucks don't you realize part of the fun was doing like some dipping and dodging and and threading that needle and then turning around with space and just bing bing bing bing bing bing bing bing headshotting like that's

how the new one is zombies dude the new zombies is great like and i say new it's almost a year old now like if you ever want to download it taylor i'll reinstall the 150 gigabytes that represents call of duty at this point in time. It's literally like 150 gigabytes. Was that a Black Ops game? Yeah, it's Black Ops 4 or something like that. The one that most recently came out. It came out last fall.

I haven't played any since the COD 4 remix. You've got to get it on PC, and I'm sure I could get us two more guys that would play zombies. I can't remember how many zombies maps there are. There's one that's the Titanic. There's one that's like an ancient Roman arena. And I think there's one that's Alcatraz.

And then there may be some more that I'm not thinking of. But each of them is more difficult or less difficult, I should say, and sort of to do what you want to do like alcatraz was kind of hard to get everything turned on oh yeah and there was nowhere to kite in that one like if you wanted to cut some of these other than like maybe one or two places you had to pretty much be like all right well i'm running around all of alcatraz the gladiatorial

arena though represents like the easy mode like like getting power turned on getting getting it's go here do a thing a boss comes kill the boss you're a quarter away there you know and you just do that four times and i think you get pack a punch or um or something turned on everything's pretty simple to get turned on and opened up a lot of bosses a lot of cool new like zombie characters in the in the arena mode and a lot of cool fucking guns too it's um i don't remember how deep we went into it but like as deep as we wanted to basically like like at a point it's like are we done everybody done because uh it's it's just three in the morning and um each of these

rounds is now taking a good 15 20 minutes um i i kind of want to be done can we be done yeah yeah let's and so and then then you have the most fun part. It's like, all right, everybody back into this corner and let them come. Sort of let them try to like come straight at you without kiting or doing anything and just work as a team, kind of like they do in like the commercials for the game.

And, and then that's real fun too. The old West styled one, there was a alley. You could, there was a viable strategy to do that in. Yeah. Yeah.

You could like sprint jump off of the slightly raised porches and move in a certain way in the air that you could go. There were a couple ways to kite on that one. Each of the characters has a super scion power move he can do. And the Japanese guy has a katana. And his katana has two or three crazy things. It'll do this, ooh like lunge mode where he'll lunge like 50 feet and destroy everything in his path that's awesome and uh one of them has like a

thor's hammer type thing that'll like bring lightning down and destroy everything around you there's a lot of cool shit in the new zombies you want to watch all the oh yeah sure have you seen this video kyle I have It's not very long Parents of the year fucking love this Ready set play They're running And they leave the girl behind Oh

Look at her try to run She's going nowhere You're going nowhere B You're going nowhere. Bison are herbivores, right? No, it ate her after that. They eat. I can't lie. It was more of a chew up and spit out.

It was a spiteful eating. Bulls are herbivores too, and they mess with people. Yeah, man. Shit to your parents. I guess they walked up and pet it at some point before that. And it's like, you can't just pet a bison at Yellowstone.

That's a wild animal. This isn't a fucking zoo. I don't know. Those parents should definitely be getting in some kind of trouble. I'm sure they will. Their little girl in the internet era, she's going to remember this forever. People are going to link this to her. That's really funny.

She went flying. I love seeing people not respect wildlife enough and then get that horrible wake up call. I could take a bison. Yeah, I could take a bison. Look at that thing. It looks doughy.

That doesn't look like 2,000 pounds of bull. Angry muscle. Bison, I mean, they don't have a grip, but we got that on them. How many shrugs is that thing doing a day to get traps like that?

Just enormous. It's in a constant state of push-up and it weighs 2,000 pounds. So I guess that's how you get it. With its hooves. Those things taste like shit. I like it. All it does is taste like a lower fat beef.

That's it. Fattest flavor. I had mine in a burger, so it might not be a pure representation of it, but I thought it was just like cow. Do you think turkey burgers are gross? Yes, turkey burgers are gross. I like

turkey burgers. I like any kind of meat. You need a meat grinder. Get some short ribs. That's what I need. I was going to say that about you Taylor You don't need just any kind of meat grinder I got a guy I bet that's where Kyle's headed

That's absolutely what you do For a mere $300 you're all set up It's no big deal It's an investment you'll be saving money All the baking you can do It actually is like the best my girlfriend comes home i'm just covered in blood and i'm like honey i'm saving money

by my calendar which i also bought and put up by 2021 we are smooth sailing into savings town dude it's so like when you buy ground beef at the store, you're getting all kinds of shit. First of all, it's not the same cow. It's like a thousand cows and all of the parts that, they're not trimming that. They're just throwing every piece of goo in there and grinding it up and putting it in a package.

With this, you can pick exactly the piece of meat you want. The goo is the flavor, Kyle. The goo is not the flavor. You're getting one cow's meat, and you're getting the specific pieces you want. You get the chuck roast, you get the short rib, and you can make the most fantastic burgers. They're incredible. So good. Oh, I believe you. When's the last time you did that? I did it as soon as I got the meat grinder, and I haven't done it since. So was it just one of those things where you

ate it and you're like this is fantastic and then the next time you thought about doing it you're like yeah work first pay off i don't know it's really not a lot of work it really isn't it's i mean like the machine is just kind of set up and you just flip a switch and put the meat in the top and it just comes out as ground beef and you're done it's it's honestly like an extra five minutes or something like that it's really not a lot of work i just haven't wanted hamburgers i've just been cooking fish and uh cooking elk and uh steaks i had a strip steak earlier today that was terrible terrible would you yeah i don't know was it a bad cut of meat or do you prepare it i think i i sous vided it for two hours parent bed taylor bite your tongue you're right do you know who you're talking to i was sitting there eating it and i was going

this is awful how could this go so badly when i did so well i i couldn't fathom how it could taste so awful when i had done so well like i sous vided this thing at like the correct temperature for two hours, and then I pan-seared it with rosemary and butter and garlic, and I'm just rapidly spooning the thousand-degree butter on top, and it's just sizzling and making this golden brown crust on the outside. And I made this garlic butter with Worcestershire sauce, like compote butter that I like put in the fridge and like,

like, and so I could cut it into discs and I'm like letting that melt on top. And I, and it's just tough as shit. It was terrible. It was terrible. I ate like five bites of that big ass strip steak and threw it away. That's disappointing.

Very disappointing. Any big post show dinner plans? plans no i'm done for the night i ate that like right before the show i had a i had a baked potato and i had that shitty ass steak i gotta find something to make after this i am hungry those zucchini fries that i that i make are really fucking good uh they honestly are and they're actually healthy and it's just zucchini and parmesan cheese pretty i made filet last night uh actually i didn't even make it last time i was at my grandma's she was like now i cooked about 60 pounds of filet or not realistically she's like now i cooked about seven pounds of filet it's like grandma there's three people here and you just

made crab legs and you got a bucket of – not a bucket. That's the wrong word. One of those giant tin containers of fried chicken and another two full racks of ribs. And she's like – and I'm like, I can take some of this home with me, but it's going to go bad. And she's like, now, you always say that. And so I thought of something. I got this.

She brings out an industrial vacuum sealer for meats, and she starts piling in pounds of steak and ribs and meats into all these different things then she's like clip the bag in it goes like and like you know sucks all the air out and then it crimps it and so i've got a ton of already cooked meat this is the most amazing grandmother ever i can't feel like if there's ever a cool gal of the week, it's my fucking grandma. No one's taken that title from her. I don't mean to be unappreciative of my grandparents.

You're really putting them to shame. They never stepped up. Oh, she's the best. She always... She thinks a whole war reenactment party is stopping by for christmas and it's like five or six people and she cooks for each of us she could be like now each of you invite 11 of your closest friends you know we would still have more than enough fucking food what does she use to? I know you said that they did well for themselves in life.

Does she have multiple ovens? Yes, multiple ovens. Yeah, she's got stacked ovens. She's got multiple heating drawers, so she can wake up at four and make all the fried chicken and then pile it in the heating drawer, then wake up and make ribs or do that. My grandpa's out on this giant-ass grill,

grilling up the steaks and everything, and he's doing his bitching grandpa thing where he's like boys you appreciate this you know as soon as you guys leave she just makes me make my own bologna sandwiches i don't even believe that yeah there must be leftovers like crazy there really are yeah and they yeah they're really really cool people my grandparents they're great I like how much you appreciate them I don't care do we have another ad

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listening to like we are bob we are legion or something like that and uh i have a long drive tomorrow and i'm like i'm gonna hear the rest of the book i gotta go into book three by tomorrow and i listen to it when i paramotor sometimes i i'm really happy customer genuine i've been watching the uh the latest seasonnatural. There are 14 fucking seasons of that shit now. 22 episodes a season. The last season will be the 15th, which comes out in October. It begins coming out in October.

Are they running out of ideas? Yeah, of course. If you use ideas once. Like, right now... The ghosts are back. Again. Like, right now, what ghosts are back. Again. Like right now what they've got going on, I just finished the season, but like the devil is involved.

The devil's son is involved. Multiple angels from heaven are involved. Is the devil the dark haired, short, kind of chubby-ish guy? No, that is Crowley. He was the king of hell and he is dead. The devil is Lucifer himself. And he's been around for a few seasons now. Very dark character.

Doesn't fuck around. And in this season, like he's... Like the angels and the demons, they possess a human body so that they can walk around on Earth. And they're like this black smoke or white energy or something but they have to find a human who's like the right model for them and lucifer has his right model well lucifer gets killed and he's gone but the the body is still there and this guy's fucked up because he's been the devil for like four fucking years and he remembers a lot of it and he goes on a hammer hammer murder montage our favorite montage he hammers a lot of people dude he hammers them but good and uh you know the devil's son's out there and he's kind of a dope

and he's just like dealing with his powers and accidentally stabbing people and their mother dies again and it's so funny when they bury her. Get this they bury their mother for like the second time and her tombstone goes 1962 to 1986 2016 to 2019

It's got two different lifespans on it and i guarantee that bitch is coming back does it say 2020 to question mark yeah and uh underneath that um what's his name something dean morgan or whatever the guy who plays negan he's the boy's father jeffrey dean morgan so you know he'll drop in every now and then there'll be some kooky magic that brings him back from the dead. And he'll be like, boys, how did I get here? And then they'll explain it to him. He's like, fuck.

And, you know, it's a good show. I love it, man. You know, there's some ridiculous shit in there. But, of course, that's the whole point. But, like, I still like it. And I'm this far in all right once you've seen 14 seasons of this shit which is like i don't know 14 times 22 you're committed you're committed at least 100 am i crazy in that there's no good tv right now

like there was a time it's really good have you given Barry a shot yet I have kind of I watched it but I didn't give it the attention that Kyle did and maybe I was on Reddit at the same time so that's not fair I think you'd like it we were really into Walking Dead at one point the whole show was you know kind of

interested in what was happening next that's not the same of course we were really into Game of course we were really into game of thrones we were really into breaking bad even better call saul had my attention i don't even know if another season came out of better call saul and if it did i don't know if i want to watch it i think i didn't finish season three dude i love it i love better call saul do you did you see the episode where there's that really big black guy, the big fat one who's kind of like a henchman? He was in Breaking Bad

also. Yeah, and he gets into some legal trouble because he accidentally hits a cop. He doesn't know the guy's a cop. The guy's kind of just hassling Saul, and so the black guy just walks up and knocks the dude out. Turns out that cop had arrested the black

dude several years before, and he's really holding a grudge. So this black guy is looking at like four or five years or something on this assault charge or whatever. Saul comes up with the greatest fucking multi-level scheme of all time to get him out of this shit. You remember in that movie, Christmas Story, where they're trying to prove that the guy isn't really Santa Claus and they start coming in with the letters to Santa and dumping them on the floor? They do that. They

fake this whole story where Yule, I think the guy's name's Yule, is from Louisiana and there's a church there where they just love Yule. Saul gets on a bus that's making this huge country round trip you know and he just goes and and the whole the whole time he's writing letters from a bunch of fake people to the to the judge and the prosecutor he goes all the way to fucking louisiana on a bus he's paying kids on the bus to write these letters for him.

And then he drops them all in the mail. And they fucking show back up in New Mexico. And they're like, why is there an entire town in Louisiana who is fired up about this Yule guy that you're prosecuting? I've never seen so much mail. And so she starts calling phone numbers. And she gets the church in Louisiana and of course Saul has a whole bunch of cell phones

lined up on a table that are all fucking various numbers that she has. And first he's the preacher. He's like, Yes, sir. This is Pastor Jimmy Dean over here at Louisiana First Baptist. And she's like, yeah. You know a you? Oh, yes. Brother Hugh. Yes, yes, brother Hugh. And she's like, yeah. You know a Yule? Oh, yes, Brother

Yule. Yes, yes, yes. Brother Yule. There was a fire in the observatory, and I didn't think we was going to get out. But Yule came. Yule's like a hero. There's statues of Yule.

And Yule's physique. He's one of those guys who's so fat his forehead has started bearing some of the burden they falsify this whole thing and by the by like every number she calls is just saul doing a different accent of a different louisiana person and he's great at this cajun accent that i can't even approach he He's just all these Cajuns and just singing. Whatever, I think so. I watched it last year. I haven't seen the most recent season, I don't believe.

It's really good. I like that show, I just kind of forgot about it. He's doing some dark shit. He's got the stuff with his brother and all that friction. It would be season four. He's starting to sort of break bad in his own right. He's had enough of this bullshit.

His brother's character is annoying as shit. Well, you might not have to put up with him in season 4. They took care of that. Yeah, it's funny. In my memory, his brother's character was always trying to do the right thing but the right thing was against our hero am i wrong about that does a brother ever do he treated his brother like shit and like you know they called jimmy jimmy hustle at the um appropriate at the law

for right like appropriately like the um his he's working for his brother his brother's partner a at the law firm. Appropriately. He's working for his brother. His brother is partner A and then partner B is the younger, blonde, blue-eyed guy. And that guy wants to hire Jimmy, make Jimmy a full-time lawyer there. And he's like, you know, Jimmy, I was going to hire you. You're Jimmy

Hustle. Your brother shut me out. He wouldn't have it. It's like, the fuck? This guy hustled his way in the mail room and got and passed the bar and his own brother shutting him out. And like, as you go through, like, the various reasons that his brother pretend like made up over the years to hate Jimmy. Jimmy, Jimmy would tell you the real side of the story about how like his dad was always just like being taken advantage of and how he was ashamed of his dad because his dad, you know, somebody would come in and be like, Hey, I can get 12, 12 pack of beer here. Um, I'll pay you back tomorrow. And, oh, um, okay. You know? Okay. And he was just like ashamed of his own dad being always taken advantage of and always made a fool of. And so he stole some money too.

And there was something there. Jimmy wasn't a villain. Jimmy was a victim. And his brother just saw him as bad all the time. Now that you're refreshing my memory, there was a complexity there, right? Like he wasn't – his father was being taken advantage of. So he kind of took advantage of his dad too. His brother didn't want to hire him and his brother

wasn't brave about saying, no, we can't bring you on because I've known you since you were a kid and you will embarrass us. And that was, I think, his brother's core, but he was kind of sneaky about it and his brother wasn't wrong. Jimmy Hustle's a crook, right? And he becomes a

criminal attorney, right? Because that's who he's going to be. That's how he's going to turn out. And his brother knows he's a criminal who passed the bar. You see so many examples in the show of Jimmy trying to go straight and trying to do the right thing. And he's going down the straight and narrow path and just roadblock after unfair fucking roadblock. And finally he's like, all right, fuck it. I'm going to go around the fucking straight and narrow.

I'm going to fucking get this shit done. This is bullshit. I tried so hard. I worked so long. And you're just throwing this roadblock in front of me. You're just fucking me over just to fuck me over. You're never going to let me grow beyond what I was. I also feel like this is an addict who's sober right now working with drugs.

And it's like, I know if we hire this guy. I know if we hire this guy, he's going to be a criminal. If you put any opportunity. Look, even the things he's doing now, going to old folks' homes and kind of like, I don't know if that was trickery. No, no. He was cool with them. That was all legit and kind-hearted. Well, it wasn't all legit and kind of like i don't know if that was trickery but it was no no he was cool with them that was all like legit and kind hearted it wasn't all legit and kind-hearted i didn't like the way he manipulated them to all hate the one who didn't want to hire him or something like that like there

was some do you remember that he ostracized the one and got her feelings hurt and then tried to make her friends again with the others do you remember this storyline i kind of do there was some walking in the mall involved um oh yeah he like he like got in with the group he's got his own white walking shoes and he's like small walking with all and also like pushing out someone who was their friend so that they didn't listen to her advice not to hire the the law firm if i remember it right well her advice i think maybe you're right but but like he was doing them right and if you remember like like when it came down, he loved those old people. And he was representing them.

He found out that they were getting fucked over by the nursing home. And he gets that huge class action lawsuit against the nursing home and gets all the old ladies on board. And then his brother steals it from under him. I remember it being a little gray area, though. Like, that's not how attorneys are supposed to operate. They're not supposed to befriend the old ladies and you know they were hiring them as a friendship because they were susceptible to that kind of marketing and that's not how classy law firms work and i guess what i'm just saying is there were always these indicators this is an addict who's working with the drugs you know he's going to break bad

sooner or later. I saw why his brother was kind of protecting himself in the firm, but I also see the side where his brother was a disloyal cunt who should be on his brother's side, not doubting him. Jimmy's my kind of character. I love Jimmy a lot. He's had enough of this

nonsense playing by the rules. He's far and away the most entertaining, which is always what makes you like a character the most. They're going to do his own thing. He's far and away the most entertaining, which is always what makes you like a character the most. That's why I like Ramsey. They're going to get Bill Burr back in there. Yeah, he might be expensive. Is he not in there in the most recent season? He'd do it for free, I bet.

I bet he'd just enjoy doing it. He approached them to get on Breaking Bad. He was like, I saw a second episode. I was like, this is crazy. I've got to get on board. I think people do that in the Marvel thing. Like, Stallone is in the Marvel Universe. And he's and he's just like you know what wanted to be attached to it you know the marvel universe is the current star wars or um i don't know lord of the rings or

whatever star wars is the current star wars but it's big and after i said it i thought that but disney kills it but but i don't know how to describe. Marvel's the current Marvel then. It's the biggest thing going on right now. And even if Stallone's not getting rich by playing a bit character, he's happy to be on it. Yeah, for sure. There's a lot going on. Marvel came up with a lot of stuff that they're

planning at Comic-Con. A lot of stuff. I'm very excited about Blade. I'm very excited about them remaking blade uh i can't think of that actor's name but he looks just like wesley snipes no no wesley's like 60 something no i thought that's who you're trying to think of yeah um they've got a new guy he was in um he was that movie where he's driving um aragorn around the south or whatever or aragorn's driving him around the south like green notebook or some

shit like i don't remember the name i know what you're talking about yeah and uh he looks just like fucking wesley snipes and he'll be great at that i'm very pumped for like a new fucking hopefully r-rated blade uh you know love blade love wesley snipes his blade i don't know blade i don't know if i saw blade and i think i'm happy about that i think i'm gonna walk into the next blade not like as a clean slate do you know the basics of blade sure lay it out i don't think i've ever seen it uh blade's mother um when she's like nine months pregnant gets attacked by a vampire. So, you know, bitten and she gets, she dies on the operating table, the birthing table or whatever.

But the vampiric virus is in the infant. But because like it was right as he was being born and it sort of went through his mother, he becomes like this hybrid where he's what they call a day Walker. He has all of their strengths and none of their weaknesses. And he's trained by, um, um, He has all of their strengths and none of their weaknesses. And he's trained by an old white guy who's been fighting vampires for years to be the ultimate vampire slayer.

And so he's like tons of martial arts, tons of like cool James Bond type weaponry, a badass car. He's got a sword with an acid edged blade with like a trick handle. Like every now and then the other vampires will think they've disarmed him and like i got his sword and the inside the handle or like two blades that go like that and just tear their hand apart like a meat like like take their fucking hand off and he's super brutal um just just you know blood and guts and ripping people apart and burning them alive with like infrared light beams that is his old mentor. His old mentor is kind of like his cue, like cooking up

gadgets for him, like for a James Bond type scenario. As the Blades go on, they get worse, but Blade 1 is cool as shit. Blade 1 is great. I hope it's R-rated. What's R-rated aside from Deadpool? Is that it?

Of what? The superhero movies? Yeah. And the Disney properties. This will have to be R-rated. It's supposed to be. Yeah, definitely so. It's a Marvel comic, but it's part of their dark fucking universe shit.

It's real, real violent. I hope it crosses over right i hope like you know i don't know next time there's a civil war is that what they called it and fucking blade pops up on top of the plane with his sword and hits captain america shield super badass he's super badass and wesley snipes is legit martial artist when you see him like throwing punches and kicks he he looks legit. There's no part. You should fight Joe Rogan.

You know this story, right? Totally know all about it. The fans might not, but there was a rumor that Wesley Snipes was going to fight Joe Rogan. And one of Joe Rogan's guests asked him about it. He's like, that was all. He's like, no, that was real. That was real. Wesley Snipes wanted to fight and uh i said yes

and it kind of died out there but you know he's like he's never heard about this wesley snipes pretty he's he's really fit more fit than you might be thinking and uh and you know he like and he was a legit martial artist and i guess he thought he could be joe rogan but joe rogan it's like a brazilian i don't know if it was a black belt at the time, but he was a legit Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner. Taekwondo black belt. Taekwondo. Not just black belt, because it's not that hard to get a black belt, but he was a successful

competitor and instructor and a very good taekwondo. So he had striking, and he had grappling, and I don't know what Wesley Snipes had, but my money's on Rogan. Fuck Wesley Snipes up. I'd have loved to have seen that fight. I like celebrity fights, especially when you-, but my money's on Rogan. Fuck Wesley Snipes up. I'd have loved to have seen that fight. I like celebrity fights. My money would be on Joe. Yeah, but I was watching Joe's workout the other day.

You should look that up on YouTube. It's about a two-year-old video. And he's shirtless wearing those stretchy pants. And he's doing this dumbbell workout that's nutty. Oh, the kettlebell one where he's swinging them all over the place? He's got a 125-pound kettlebell one where he's swinging him all over the place he's got like 125 pound kettlebell with it like back on his wrist like like the weight is back here and he's holding it like this and he's got it like like back here and he's doing like lunges and when he stands he

like fucking presses it one-armed like straight up just a ridiculous crazy workout that he's doing and he's got you know he's doing resistance, and he's doing calisthenics, and he's doing the kettlebell shit, and then he's in the sauna at 170 degrees. It's pretty nutty, and he's very fit. He's ripped. When you see his body, he doesn't skip leg day. There's no fat down there.

He's just ripped all up. He's in amazing shape. It's fun to watch. I've taken a new approach to lifting this year. I do a lot of calisthenics. And basically it's just don't get hurt. That's the name of my game. I'm 46.

And every other time I start like, you know, making some headway, feeling better about myself, I get hurt and I get like knocked out for two months and just let it heal. It's usually a chest exercise. And this time around, like lighter weights, easier stuff, perfect form. I remember I said on the show one time, I was like, hey, one of the cool things about lifting weights is at least one of my exercises goes up in weights like every time. You know, if you do five things, at least one of my exercises goes up in weights like every time you know if you do five things at least one of them you pump on five more and uh not this time fuck weight no it's all about like form and getting a burn i can do more reps and uh i don't know i haven't dropped body fat which probably i would pick if i had a choice but i've added a little muscle and i'm

happy about that yeah yeah that's good they're uh they're gonna do a lady thor movie with natalie portman playing thor yeah is that a character in marvel lady thor yes yeah yeah well thor just becomes a woman um yeah you know he doesn't transition like the mantle of thor just becomes bestowed upon a woman. That is a thing in the comic. And she's wicked hot in the comic. And I think she's blonde. Is that right? She is blonde.

But, you know, Natalie Portman's already in that universe. You know, she was Thor's girlfriend early on. And I like Natalie Portman. She's a good actress. She's attractive. And I saw the video where they bring her out on stage. Huh? Isn't she old? I would guess she's in her late 30s, mid 30s, something like that, which in Hollywood is like 25.

She looks good. But they brought her out on the stage at Comic-Con. And I saw that that video had a lot of dislikes. And I'm just like, again, like the only time I don't like it when women are doing or in these comic book movies are doing a certain thing is like when it doesn't make any fucking sense. This makes sense within the rules of the comic book. And I love it. I love it. I'm perfectly fine with it.

My only issue with Natalie Portman is that she's 38. I like her as an actor. She's one of my favorites. If I see that she's in a film i'm very interested in that film but for a marvel movie i need an actor or actress that has 10 more years in her and maybe 10 is a stretch maybe seven but to see her go from 38 to 45 like that's there must be some younger actress who could play this role. All right. Kate Blanchett was the villain in Thor Ragnarok. Remember she had that crazy horn thing?

She's 50. She's an amazing 50. She's smoking hot. So hot. She was Galadriel too. Galadriel, the Lady of Light. And Natalie Portman's not a bad guess. If you had to predict someone would age that well, Natalie Portman's as good a pick as anyone you'll find um still like i would argue that uh scarlett johanneson help me with this name i that can't possibly it johannes

um yeah i would argue that she's at the end of her superhero lifespan right you know when i saw her in black widow she didn't look as good as she did when she started that role she's getting her own movie now her own standalone black widow movie really do that yeah is she popular enough for that i always thought she was one of the least popular ones because she doesn't actually have superpowers yeah but she's fucking hot and she's a Russian spy. I'm down. Yeah, but everybody else in the Russian spy world is like the Hulk or Laser Eyes or fucking... She'll do her own

mission where she doesn't need Laser Eyes as you call them. Who is actually a character? Yeah, Cyclops. Yeah, put her in some leather pants, show me a little side nipple and I'll watch her do whatever you want. Yeah, they're going to show some side nipple in this superhero movie show me a little side nipple and I'll watch her do whatever you want Yeah, they're going to show some side nipple in this superhero movie

Just a little side nip How about, Taylor, let's negotiate I'm the nudist You can only defeat me naked, Natalie There's plenty of latex They could do some sort of nipple through the latex thing I could just draw one on my TV screen.

Problem solved. Now you just have a marker spot on every show. Well, I just pulled up Scarlett Johansson to see how old she is, 34. She'd been divorced twice at 34. Ooh. Yeah. Loser.

Yeah, what a loser. She probably isn't even super rich. She was married from 08 to 11 to Ryan Reynolds, which I didn't know. And then 14 to 17 to Romaine Duriak. Who's that?

Good old Romaine Duriak. Fucking loser and a half. No wonder she divorced that guy. I've never heard of him. He's not a superhero. Or maybe he is. What are his powers yeah oh being french ha probably being rich i thought she'd care she's got her own money i bet she's worth but 140 million shit he is or she is that's what it says that she's worth but i don't know how much i believe the the net worth shit online like how could they possibly know they just add up it's like like if they say

scarlett rohan's gonna make 10 million dollars for x film are they like all right let's just add 10 million total yeah joe rogan's net worth has been about 20 million on these sites for ages i have to believe he's had a rapid increase in the last 5-10 years. He's got the biggest show on earth. UFC probably pays him a mint. That podcast must be incredibly profitable. If a news channel

got their ratings from Nielsen or whatever and it showed Joe Rogan numbers, they'd be like bottles of champagne all around everybody we're not irrelevant we're coming back like like they i don't know joe rogan numbers meanwhile joe rogan's like sitting there like jamie pull up pull that video of a gorilla sucking its own dick yeah yeah show me the chimp when he fucks the frog to death yeah yeah that one

man look at that thing who's the biggest cable show is it Hannity he's having a great time of those cable shows either Tucker or Hannity are the biggest I haven't checked in a bit I would imagine one of those it kind of fluctuates but it's just it's crazy

how much the internet has taken over as far as net viewership from these legacy media types. Remember that New York Times or Wall Street Journal versus PewDiePie thing a couple of years ago? Yeah. And it was like, holy shit. You would think Wall Street Journal had been around for a century or more. They got this and that and they a building full of people versus swedish guy who plays minecraft or whatever uh with a nine-year-old editor

out of the water as far as like it's it's just really cool to see that what used to be held under lock and key and from in 50 gatekeepers in the way is now open to not anyone you know that ship has kind of sailed, but open to lots of people online. It's very neat. Did you see the story where the transsexual woman was suing the salons

for refusing to wax her scrotum? Yes. Only at a high level. I saw about it. They were like, this is the most 2019 headline ever. A transsexual woman sues salon for not waxing her balls i saw a i saw a tweet that was so well phrased but it was like guys you don't need to bring in the government to force people to wax your balls i didn't think

i'd have to say this yeah yeah that's that's so ridiculous other shit came out about that person where it's like uh some uh young girl accused her of of abusing her or something and a bunch of like chat logs were leaked on twitter of of this uh trans woman like asking really inappropriate things to a like a biological woman about like hey if i want to get uh and i'm summarizing but i'm not being over the top ridiculous with this i have to stress being like uh talking to this biological woman being like so if i'm in the ladies room and uh a girl approaches me and needs help putting a tampon in, how do I do that? Like is in the woman's like, yeah, it doesn't really happen. That would probably make them uncomfortable.

And the trans woman's just like going off on all this, like talking about like it's clear that this is something that seems to turn that person on. Thinking about these kind of environments. And it's like, holy shit. That is not the kind of person you want with your daughter in a changing room. Definitely not. Not if she has her first period. Not if she's looking for a pad and this person saunters up. Look up a...

You're right. it's such a 2019 thing it's insane but for the most part i feel like most people are being sane about it and being like of course you don't have to wax someone's ball sack because they come into your female only spa and go nope this is my right too you got to slather that all on my balls and do it oh it makes you uncomfortable well sorry Your discomfort is magically less important than mine. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy.

I don't like that. My stance would be, why don't you wax dudes? What do you have against dudes? Why can't they get waxed too? They don't have to offer services to men if they don't want to. If they don't have a biologically

female only spa. Get a dude in there. Get a dude in there. He can wax my balls. I don't want my balls waxed. I do. If you look how to insert a tampon on YouTube there's a lot of videos. Because that's what I would do if I was this dude and I wanted answers. So I was like I wonder if YouTube

covers that. And some of these thumbnails are scary. Well, you just... I imagine you just grab it and you kind of like punch it in, right? I think you sit on the ground. Like a blowgun? Sort of a...

There's a jig that you put the tampon on and then you bottom slap yourself. Ah, like loading a muzzle loader it's called the applicator it's like a muzzle loader that's funny wax my balls you have to it's my civil right

to have my balls waxed well there goes my search history it's ruined yeah yeah you know it's for the show just have to burn this computer so all the worst things i look up online are for this show i can not say the same yeah well i know you just like to pop over to e-fucked and motherless in your spare time and just have a ball did you watch any of those uh videos where they got trolls the porn stars no i didn't watch that it's me right you

can tell it's good taylor by how uncomfortable woody is with its very existence ah that is a good barometer i should watch these let's watch one now watch these let's watch one now which am i supposed to look at now leave my boots you whore it's like fuck it's so dark do you remember we had a a porn star on this show her name might have been ariel or something close to it and um the porn scene she did hurt her feelings right like i think the day she got out of it she was having sex i'm not sure which hole it was back there but the guy had his foot yeah the guy had his foot on her head so it's doggy style and it was like a it was a scene where you're not supposed to look nice to the girl. But she didn't walk away from it, like, happy with how her day went. That was when she decided she had to get out of this life.

How many times did you leave that accounting firm and you weren't happy with how your day went? Would you say 95% of the days? 100. Yeah. And you probably worked more than 40 minutes right probably all day and you didn't get paid twelve thousand dollars these are i don't think she got that yeah these are fucking river counterpoints i guess they make that much i think that they're so i think there's so many people in porn now they're like here's well i can't even guess i

don't know a grand no no it's that no it's it's more than that if they're like here's well i can't even guess i don't know a grand no no it's that no it's it's more than that if you're like super amateur it's it's like it's like 500 or a grand yeah i don't know where i got 1500 but i just know it to be true but what i heard was something like 80 of their revenue comes from prostitution where did we talk about that on the show did saw that on a podcast I think and yeah so the porn is really just an advertising platform for their prostitution services

prostitution I mean that's gotta be depressing are you saying like when they get booted out of the porn industry they turn to prostitution? Oh. I've missed some messages here. Well. We got a new cool guy of the week.

Yeah! That got an instant bump. Mistakes can be made sometimes yeah yeah better what he doesn't know if someone writes something in the chat that i would never want the world to know i just write bump a thousand times so that's all you see yeah yeah good time it's a high-tech fix yeah but you know it works modern solutions modern problems require modern solutions i love that yeah so yeah i'm excited about the new phase of marvel uh i didn't think i would be but uh but i'm looking forward to seeing what they're coming up with um there's a few other things um that they teased that i just can't think of right now what what are they coming i was right i i saw that they said something but i just can't think of right now. What are they coming out? I saw that they said something,

but I didn't see what they said. With me, I haven't seen the new Spider-Man yet, but they closed a chapter. I forget what they're calling it, like chapter three or something. I'm like, where does this go from here? It's a bookmark.

They're opening up the wider universe. I think there's going to be a movie about the Elementals or something like that. Let me make sure. Super powerful group, I think. Oh, I remember that from when a comic book analyst or whatever that guy's name was.

The nice guy. Okay, so they're doing the Dark Avengers. Wow, thank you, sci-fi.com, for your incredibly intrusive ads. The Dark Avengers, so all black actors? Exactly. Exactly.

You get the Dark Avengers. Doctor Strange sequel's going to cross over with the Sam Raimi Spider-Man universe. That doesn't make sense to me. I guess he's going to literally another universe or something like that. He's going to run into Tobey Maguire, maybe. Yeah. Another

Thor, and then Lady Thor, and oh, here's a whole diagram. Oh, okay. So it's black. Is there something I can show the people? Yeah, i'm sorry i'll uh you might have to dodge some ads it's always fun uh x this out looks like god just make the thing bigger it looks you got black widow there you got falcon winter soldier

then i think that Falcon and Winter Soldier is going to be a TV series on the Disney Network that new streaming service and so you'll have the Black Captain America Falcon guy and Bucky Barnes the Winter Soldier

Shang-Chi, Reginald the Ten Ring that's actually coming apparently oh it actually is I see it there Regender of the Ten Rings. That's actually coming, apparently. Oh, it actually is. I see it there. I see it. Yeah.

Doctor Strange, Multiverse of Madness. What if? You know what that refers to? I don't know. That's Hypothetical Man. But what would you do if I did this? I don't know. I never thought that far.

Shame on you for answering. I was playing rhetorical man at the time. I'm doing the Batman voice because I don't know any characters. Does that say WandaVision? It's a weird font. It is a weird font. I don't know what it refers to either. Fairly odd pairs. Yeah, I don't know.

They were pretty powerful. They were really powerful. That was what pissed me off about little fucking bitch-ass Timmy Turner in that show, is he never would ask for cool shit. He'd never be like, give me a yacht, give me a billion dollars. He'd always be like, make that dumb cunt at school like me. And then it would never go the way you wanted. You know?

Whereas the yacht would have worked out fine. Yeah, I They're all in the same categories. I thought that show was kind of entertaining. I didn't watch it very much, but I thought it was interesting. You weren't talking about actors who were getting too old. The guy who plays Hawkeye, Jeremy Renner, looks like his face is made out of Play-Doh. Yeah, I wonder if he...

That's funny, because we've made fun of him for this before. Yeah, I know. I semi-dis disagree with kyle uh how old is he first of all you know i'm gonna guess 50 fucking two i'm gonna guess 48 are you right i don't know okay i thought he's 48 oh hell yeah um he does not look like 48. He looks like 56. I would actually argue. Maybe I'm not looking at the pictures you're saying. I'm going to type in Jeremy Renner 2019. I mean, in the movie, he looked bad.

His skin looks all old and pockmarked. And they're going to do a... On this chart here, it's got him in a Hawkeye TV show in like a couple of years. It's like, Jesus Christ. How are they going to... Like Sam and Dean in Supernatural are getting a little old. I think they're still in their late 30s, early 40s or something like that. I like Jeremy Renner

in that bomb defuse movie. That was great. The Hurt Locker is amazing. I'm intentionally clicking on pictures where I think Jeremy Renner doesn't look his best. In my head, i think he's top 10 of 48 year olds you know if you went to some guys like well you're top two percent then because this guy is fucked i i think that i don't know just if you looked at the actual population of what 48-year-olds look like, if you went to Cisco IT and gathered all the 48-year-olds,

Jeremy Renner would be the hottest guy there. Yeah. It's just in Hollywood, 48-year-olds, Woody bottom half. And that's at Cisco, the tippity top. Woody is a very nice looking, 48, right? 46. 46.

46. Oh, wow. I was giving you a couple extra there. Yeah, I should have went with 50 to be better looking still. Yeah. I have this theory. Good looking man. You don't look your age at all and you're getting fit.

I have this theory that Jackie doesn't care for that at all and that she's like sneaking calories into your food or something like that. She's like, I can't have this millionaire flying around the country looking back good. She literally made me breakfast in bed this morning. You might be on to something. Have some more maple syrup. No, no, no.

Sip it. Sip it. Do people know what toad in the hole is? Oh, Jackie, there's trail mix in my orange juice. Is this just butter? Oh, Jackie, there's a trail mix in my orange juice. Is this just butter? Did you melt the stick of butter? It's better than Gatorade.

It's got electrolytes and lipids. All your daily lipids. All your daily lipids in one ounce. This is a jug. Fat. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, she made me breakfast in bed this morning with a coffee and whatever that was nice of her yeah she's really great i'm a big fan but uh she's drugging you that could be yeah just you always see that like like

those movies where that's going on and like like the wife's always sick and they can't figure out what it is and it's the husband fucking dosing her. Bit by bit. Why don't they dose a little heavier? Because they like... It's real sick. They like the attention that they are getting. The sympathy that they are getting

for being the spouse of someone who is so ill. So everybody's coming... With moms doing that to kids. That's really the scenario. That's what happens at house all the time. It's Munchausen syndrome by proxy. Munchausen syndrome by proxy, yep. I know someone who had that go on in their life, yeah.

I like to think that Taylor is the version of house that just thinks everyone has that. Like every child that comes in... Instead of lupus, it's just me screaming at family members, what have you done to her? She has pancreatic cancer. Yeah, we'll see about that.

And my Australian, my woman, and my black doctor assistants are like, no, we're positive it's pancreatic cancer. And I'm like, I'm going to go take pills and hobble into the bathroom. And then diagnose her with lupus. And it's like're i don't know where you get off with this you're not dr house he died of an overdose you came to phyllis place and very quickly became addicted to painkillers your leg is fine that cane i like house that's a good show i like to do

i started that shit i um i watched some of the highlights on youtube and it's nicely edited right like so if you watch house there's usually i don't i'll make it up like four sick people one maybe the primary and it's whatever an hour long show they take the different storylines and edit it down to like 8 to 12 minute videos and it's cool it's like a quick low attention span version of House. And I watched one or two and now YouTube thinks I love it. Accurately. And it just keeps suggesting

more of them to me. Yeah, it's a great binge watch show. I really liked House. It's repetitive, but it's a procedural drama, so of course it's repetitive. But I never get tired of his his brilliance mixed with that nasty dry wit of his and and the hatefulness that he's got in him and especially

when you have in the back of your head that he's always in terrible pain it i love it i like when he goes into cuddy's office and she's just like the highfalutin hospital administrator just got big old cans sitting out and it's like people are dying this isn't appropriate whatsoever you're jiggling about the hospital as kids are dying little girls in their beds and nobody notices but house right you know she's jiggling about everyone else just like doesn't seem to notice she's got giant jugs and he's like you know i'll do what you say if to notice she's got giant jugs. And he's like, you know, I'll do what you say if you let me motorboat those jugs. She's like, goddammit, house.

When you stuck your hand up my shirt and fingered me without permission at that funeral the other week, I was ready to fire you until you saved that little boy's life. And then it's like, where do you think? Taylor? Like,

like I'm saying, like he violently like went up behind it and just crammed his face. I'm, it is obviously like, did you mean he's molesting her? Maybe you, Oh, skirt.

I must've not said skirt. I say jeans or pants. You said shirt. You're like, would you put your hand up my shirt? I say jeans or pants You said shirt When we were at that funeral And you were honking my breasts audibly But god damn it You're a genius

There had to be a better doctor in the region He never got things right the first try He always almost killed the patient And he's like He would come up with things He never got things right the first try. He always almost killed the patient. And he's like, he would come up with things where he's like, Dr. House, this patient's got a bullet lodged in his brain. It's like, well, you know what they say,

only a good man with a gun can stop a bad man with a gun. I'm going to blast it through to the other side. And they're like, Dr. House, you're going to kill him. He's like, close the windows. Bang! the windows bang it's like all right well now he's brain dead don't don't tell cuddy the guy's got one eye hanging out your son has lupus ah they teased uh season four of rick and morty too i mean i'm definitely excited about that they had like a maybe a two minute clip i didn't watch it because like i don want a taste of Rick and Morty. I want the whole thing. You know what I do want?

I want the whole season released at one time. Did they do that last year, or did they do it week by week? Week by week, I think. That's not my cup of tea. Not mine either. I prefer just give it all to me. I'll pay. I'll pay.

Once Netflix and a couple other services started offering the binge watch, dude, the game has changed. You can't leak that crap out on episode a week anymore. We demand more. Piracy is about to really take off again in the next five years. Mark my words.

Like, I don't know if you saw the trailer for Picard, The new Star Trek With Picard I'm not as into it as you are I'm vibrating I'm pumped Oh it looks good

Wait I did see a trailer but there wasn't much to see It was just like painting shots of a vineyard or something Maybe you know what I'm talking about They leave the vineyard and go to space And they meet Seven of Nine And Data's there I'm talking about the vineyard and go to space and they meet seven of nine and fucking and data's there and it looks great i'm talking about something different than maybe i saw a leak for the trailer or something seven of nine the hottest fucking character of any character we've talked about actors and yes oh she's blossomed she's bloomed she's looking good

jerry ryan is hot as fuck and she's still got that metal thing on her eye i wouldn't let her take it off i'm gonna going to short that bitch out. As a matter of fact, I'm not taking that outfit off. I don't know what happens under there. It could be a big Spanx outfit effect. Just cut a hole in the back and let's go. I'm glad you said it. Thank you. My mom watches the show, and I didn't want her to judge me.

Need a porthole in the back of that fucking onesie. You dirty, dirty robot slut. She's so fucking hot. Yeah, I'm pumped for that big time. I can't wait for that. Dirty, dirty robot slut she's so fucking hot yeah i'm pumped for that big time i can't wait for that dirty dirty robot when you think your pussy's like cold and metallic oh and full of nanobots that that each are programmed to to make you ejaculate harder than the last millions and millions of them just in there swimming around your cock like that scene in the matrix where all the machines like gathered together in a swarm and

sort of did that spiraling fly thing to like go after the guy the guy's in the mech suit he's just going oh shooting and they just hit him with the big swarm it's that but inside her vagina and it's just millions of nano machines going just encircling your penis and just just just just probably destroying it honestly it's all around us yeah yeah I mean I don't know what kind of WD-40 she's got going on in there but

fucking smoking hot I wouldn't care I'd take the rash so hot so yeah I'm pumped for Picard and so Brent Spinner the guy who plays Data you know the machine guy all pale with the gold eyes, he's said he's not going to play the character anymore because he's like 70 fucking years old. And the Data's a machine.

What's his name again? Brent Spinner, I think. And I hope that's the right one. Yeah, Brent Spinner. Yeah, very good actor. And so they're CGI-ing. 70. Yeah, they're CGI-ing Data. Entirely.

That would be the appearance. You only saw Data for like four seconds. And you saw his face. You're going to see less Data than you did Dragons in Game of Thrones. Hard to say. It's hard to say. Because it looked like it didn't cost too much to CGI Data. And it is behind that cbs yeah uh not quite that good and it looks like it's going to be behind that cbs streaming service paywall too that only has like two or three programs on it

or something like that that's lame yeah try and charge money for like three programs yeah they are charging money for like three i yeah they are charging money for like three i mean i'm sure they're going to add more stuff uh you know as they buy as everyone i imagine buys their properties back owns a lot of properties right they might i think a lot of their properties are currently leased out to netflix and hulu and places like that and that's all about to change real quick uh you know obviously the warner brothers, I think they're the ones who own maybe the office. I think Warner owns, Time Warner owns NBC. So they own all those properties.

So they're doing their own streaming service with all that shit. And then Disney, of course, is the Goliath of them all, who's going to have so much shit on their streaming service and so much original programming. They're doing Star Wars TV shows. Star Wars TV shows, Marvel Universe TV shows. Put all that behind that big Disney paywall. It's going to be a whole new world in five years. Disney owns everything. It's out of control.

Yeah, it really is. Piracy is going to be big in 2020. Disney's going to own the police force soon enough and then you won't be able to pirate anything. that doesn't sound that crazy oh seems like you were doing something illegal 10 years in the it's a small world

after all get to stand there and touch clogs and dance and look happy just imagine bugs bunny kicking the door in with a fucking elmer fudd right behind him it's not gonna be good they're gonna they are gonna own everything eventually because they they have the biggest three movies every year for like the last three or four or five years or something like that yeah yeah maybe we talked about it yeah yeah just billions and billions of dollars of profit every fucking year just from three properties.

And they own so much shit. Think about the theme park money. Think about the cartoon syndication. You're going to complain about me to the government? I am the fucking government! The cruise ships. It's just angry. The cruise ships. Everything.

So much shit. it's it's weird that like disney has a side business people don't give a shit about equal to carnival cruise yeah yeah yeah it's so funny i think there's there's a disney family i think i think i read something the other day about like natalie disney or something like that some chick who's a fucking disney can you imagine if you ever meet a Disney? You kiss their ass right in the middle. Right. You gotta kiss Bob Iger's ass.

He's the CEO. Am I out of date? I'd rather be in with an actual Disney. I feel like she's probably got an ownership position of some kind. She probably owns some stock. Yeah, you're right. His salary is $65.6 million.

That seems terribly low. Yeah, I bet that's not the main part of his compensation, right? Salary is only $65 million, but he makes another $100 million a year in stock options. Oh, yeah, that's where the money is. But I was just meaning like

the little thin layer of cream on top. Yes. $65 million a year you make. Cisco hit hard times once, and our CEO lowered his salary to a buck. Don't be fooled. He was paid in stock, and he made plenty. That is funny when they do that. They're like, ha ha haha i hope everyone's retarded

i hope no one knows how money works everybody is retarded i've been through this a couple of times companies that fell on hard times you know the economies to come and go and uh it's always like dude i think the company should cut the the fucking soft drinks in the cafeteria. That must cost a lot. And they're like, you know, we can cut the soda fountain if you want. It's really not like going to make a difference. But if you feel like we're spending by giving you free soda, we'll stop. So we're going to start filling the Coke machines with Shasta. They're not see-through, so they'll still pay.

The amount it costs to give the entire company coke for a year is like one first class plane ticket. But that's the first thing they get rid of. And yeah, I don't know. I felt surrounded by idiots sometimes. You guys don't

understand money at all? You don't see where this is going and where it's coming. You want to keep your employees happy. I always liked when our bosses would buy nice stuff and invest back into us. I don't know. We had a Red Bull machine. We had a really light...

What's his name? Vinwick. He was talking about the cappuccino machine. We didn't have a $4,000 one or whatever. Actually, it was Richard Ryan talking about it. Maybe they both talked about it. Richard Ryan, I think, didn't buy it. Yeah, he didn't buy it. I think that the Vin Wiki place he was working, maybe they did have one.

We had one. It was awesome. Just always adding stuff to, I don't know, the nicety. We had the biggest Jumbotron setup in the showroom where it was mini TVs with those panels with the thin black lines between them. You don't mind that if you sit far enough back. There's always sports games on.

It was so nice to be able to sit there and watch the Falcons play when they're in the playoffs or whatever on this gigantic screen like like maybe 25 feet across or something like that had a huge impact on not just so i maybe everybody does but i thought i saw myself as a guy who like saw through what was happening right you know like i count the money a little better i understand the motives behind it they paid for your home internet and when they paid for your home internet suddenly you work 24 hours a day you know they'll be like hey i sent you an email at nine last night you didn't see that it's like we do pay for your internet

connection we kind of expect you to just stay on top of things when you're at home and it worked it worked everybody worked all the time everyone was just they felt like they needed to be in touch they owe that that that's why they buy your home internet so that if we need you from home we have you and when they canceled it i was like adamant like that that shit was after five you know if you want me to work at night you used to pay for my internet now you don't 80 bucks a month 58 that's a tomorrow problem like i like yeah um i was i was highly valued so i was able to be an asshole on subjects like that didn't you keep getting that free internet for like years afterwards no but i did get the uh the deal

like so i what i got was business class internet and business class support but i paid for it gotcha okay but no i started paying for it even while i still work there yeah yeah yeah i love my internet here it's so fucking good yeah internet here. It's so nice to have good fucking internet. Well, that's right. You struggled with that at your previous application. Oh, God. In spite of all your efforts. It's impossible.

It was impossible to get better internet. Offering to literally lay my own fiber at my own cost. They're like, oh, no, we'll have to have a technician who's qualified and certified. I got one. If you have access to farm equipment, a lot of people lay their own irrigation pipes all the time. So fiber is not

really outside their skill set. Yeah. I got the machinery. I got the technicians. I got the fiber. Let's go. I'm going to run it from my house to that school over there it's it's a half a mile it's good it was gonna be wildly expensive like maybe thousands of dollars just for the fiber you know but it was worth it if like if of course i wanted it i want it so fucking bad if i could have fiber instead of whatever i had like 14 13 down or

something and two or three up and now I've got like I don't even know what it is it's like a gig and a quarter down and like three or four hundred up or 500 I don't know it's it's when I go to download something it's just just sucking it out of the internet it's always the other side that's the weak link like um I don't know what the cap is on steam or whatever the cap is on YouTube, but that's, you know. Hell yeah. It's so nice.

I have Gigabit here, and really, like, 300 versus 1,000, there's no real lifestyle difference. Yeah, you can't tell. Maybe if you're torrenting and you're downloading from, like, a source that has the same upload or, you know, you've got a good balance there. You could, you could download like 4k movies and the blink of an eye or something like that.

Or torrenting would have lots of sources too. So a lot of them might just have, a lot of them might be good and that'll fill your great. Yeah. Yeah. I bet. I don't do that. I really don't.

I, I, I, I worry that it's some sort of security risk or that it's a crime potentially. Well, it's definitely a crime. Did you not watch VHSs in the 90s? I did watch those VHSs. I saw the FBI warning, the quarter million dollar fine, et cetera, et cetera. So yeah, I actually don't do that. And I bought a nice Blu-ray player, so now I just buy the good Blu-ray so I get the tippy top quality

or at least as good as I can get. Even at the age of 10, when that really official page would come up, I wasn't even copying VHSs or anything. I was like, how would you know? How the fuck would you know?

You're only going to catch me if I'm opening up a Taylor's Video Shack and I'm just going to have crayon written titles. We used to go to it was what, before Blockbuster became all of them, there were mom and pop shops that filled that role.

And they literally would just buy one copy of the movie, copy it 20 times, and stock their shelves with it and no one thought anything of it like that it is a that's really that's cool but that's just how the industry worked at in the very beginning you know that was the standard i remember those video stores video sort uh the other day when i was down visiting my grandparents there's a family video there and they have literally diversified into cbd that's how desperate they are to keep it open

it's like family video we were driving by going out to eat and i like looked through and like oh my god there's fucking blu-rays and dvds on there it's like a blast from the past then there was just like a and cbd and like half the store was just cbd tinctures and shit cannabis project products i mean to say are super interesting to me super duper interesting and i can't tell what's truth and what's fiction right because you've got some people saying like like hemp for example hemp clothing hemp ropes like hemp ropes are the greatest darn ropes that you'll ever get it's just big rope holding down the hemp rope industry and it's like bitch hemp is legal in some places and their ropes are

not taking over the world you can't import it woody no but like i'll make up a place iraq right i'm gonna guess hemp ropes are fine in iraq they're not using hemp ropes. They're using some other rope. And hemp clothing, I'm told, is scratchy and not what you'd pick anyway. There's a reason that cotton dominates the industry all over the planet. And then I hear stuff like, oh, we've found a cannabis-related anti-inflammatory that is much healthier for you than ibuprofen, which can be really rough on your belly. And it's much more effective,

and this and that. And I'm like, I think there is some good stuff in this magic plant, but I can't tell what's real and what's not. I think there's tons of stuff. There's definitely good stuff. There's tons of stuff. There's hempcrete, I think.

It's like a concrete mixed with hemp that makes this really good fire-retardant insulation. But then I have to ask, like, why isn't hempcrete, which i thought would be made to use sidewalks i mean make sidewalks i'm walking on sunshine why isn't it popular outside like in places where hemp is legal i don't know i i feel like it started with one guy just being like you can also like fucking like grind it up and put it in concrete if you want it. Just one guy. Honestly, just legalize

this shit. They're growing so much now in Colorado that the leftovers of the plant, they've got the material already there. I wonder what they're doing with that. There's a lot left over. You only smoke the flower, right? Yeah, you only smoke the flower, but it keeps growing, but there. Because there's a lot left over. Because you only smoke the flower, right?

Yeah, you only smoke the flower, but it keeps growing. But there's got to be a lot left over. Like trimmings and stuff. I figured they used it for edibles. Because they just dump big vats of stuff that people don't want to buy to smoke. Yeah, I guess they're just... Even then there's stuff left over.

You just trim the flowers off. But the plant must have a life cycle right am i wrong like i bet it has a pretty robust life cycle because there's a reason it's called weed like like i mean yeah i mean your orange tree just keeps making them all the time yeah yeah that's true but like flowers they don't last for 30 years or anything like you just you kind of get a new one every three it's it's it's it's kind of different i don't last for 30 years or anything. You kind of get a new one every three years. It's kind of different. I don't know.

It's almost like a thistle or something. I don't know the ins and outs. I've certainly never grown. I don't know anything about that shit. It always just seemed like rocket science or something. I know hydroponics is a word. It's a word. It's a word.

It's a word. It's a word. It's a word. It's a word. Good one. Good one. hydroponics is a word it's a word confirmed good one good one uh but but yeah i was there's i guess there's not much waste product at this point because like they're going to use those trimmings for for edibles but then even once they extract the uh the thc there's still the leftover plant pulp i mean what are they doing that sure they're doing something with it. Yeah,

probably. I don't know. I, I look forward to seeing what it brings. I, I have started to actually, but I'm kind of reluctant. I,

I, I brand things, consider conspiracy theories and don't buy into new ideas as quickly as, as maybe even a perfect person would, but I'm buying into this, the big farm holding back cannabis. Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. There are things in there that they like what they have. They don't want to create a new anti-inflammatory when they're... Yeah. Opiate industry, also not a fan. They do not like that. Yeah. They want people taking...

Well, I think that's what... I think maybe what he meant, big pharma. did i say yeah big farm um but like like tomato i know what you meant no no it was just because what he said like anti-inflammatory stuff and i meant like uh those pills also and big alcohol whatever they are you know and and big tobacco like like all those people who have these like legal vices don't want if you look in Colorado at the use of opiates, the drunk driving the violent crime, everything's down booze purchasing is down

yeah, everything that's that marijuana competes with and just does a better job it's all down are marijuana and booze like siblings is that a thing you do together, or do you just pick one? Some people mix them together.

There's literally alcoholic drinks that are infused with THC. But a lot of people. When I was in Colorado, I tried a THC beer. It didn't have alcohol in it, but it was a Blue Moon style. It had a very small small like five milligrams or 10 milligrams or something like that taste i it was fun to try wouldn't do it again tasted really not great yeah i'm told that's why like edibles are what they are like there's not edibles in white bread because you need a strong taste to kind of override yeah pot it's just not good the chocolate

edibles i tried like that was chocolatey enough that like i could tell like ah this has got something in there but it wasn't trying to muscle it down like it still tasted pretty good yeah they've got a if you're not a medical patient in uh in colorado there is a like a 10 milligram limit per item i want to say it's 10 yeah it could be could have been five but i thought it was 10 yeah and uh and so if you're eating something like the size of a cupcake you barely you can't taste 10 if you're drinking if you're eating like a tiny little chocolate that's like the size of a chiclet you're gonna taste the 10 but who fucking cares you're getting fucked yeah 10 will get you fucked it'll get you well i i haven't it depends like if you're someone who's like it won't do anything. Yeah, lightweights like us

would have a good time with tin. A professional might require hypothetically 50 or 60. Hypothetically. Throwing spaghetti at the wall here. Joey Diaz regularly does like hundreds. Hundreds.

People are like... I told you Joean, when I was flying in here, I had fucking 500 milligrams and I shit my pants. Oh, Joey, you're the funniest man on Earth. Dude, I got so much... I know we're past 400, but like one, Joey Diaz eats like 400s

and they're called stars maybe? Death stars maybe? And I see to me as maybe a Joey Diaz eats like 400s, and they're called stars maybe, death stars maybe. Death stars or something like that. And I see, to me, as maybe a star-shaped gummy, right? Yeah. Not much bigger than a gummy bear. And everyone in the room is like, whoa, you didn't. Oh, my God.

You ate a whole star. And I'm just like, is that a lot? Because I could eat 18 of those it's it's like some things in life have have consequences like if you see a guy take six shots of alcohol you're like whoa you're gonna be a little messed up for a couple hours but when you see a guy sign like a timeshare that's gonna cost him two hundred thousand dollars a year for the next 10 years, you're like, oh, dude, why didn't we talk first? Notarized?

Oh, God. That's what it is when he eats that Death Star or whatever the fuck it's called because it's like, dude, your night's over. Your night is irrevocably changed. Bad shit is going to be happening. Except him, who just took

a shot of water. Somebody was telling a story about Joey. He's like, Joey gave me a candy. He said it was 10 milligrams, but I know Joey. So I broke a corner of it off, and I took it. Turns out it was 1,000. And that corner

was like 150 or something. He's like, I got home. And I didn't know where the fuck I was anymore. And all of a sudden the phone rings and it's Joey. And he goes, welcome to my world, motherfucker. Yeah. It is pretty funny.

Joey Diaz is funny. I think he's funny. But Joe Rogan thinks Joey Diaz is the funniest man to have ever taken a breath of air. Joe Rogan is such a fan of Joey Diaz. I don't want to say I don't see it, but he loves that guy. Bill Burr is way funnier than him. I don't know about spontaneous.

I watched the whole podcast with Joey Dia diaz and he's so quick rogan goes um do you ever have a girlfriend that killed herself and uh joey goes no they should have just like so quick with that it's just hilarious yeah he's good i just see him as good you know like a lot of comedians are actually yeah i don't think he's the best of all time but but i do think he's quite funny and uh and like his stories are so and fucking sane i i like his stories better than his like comedy stuff i like it when chael sonnen retells his stories like that's funny to me you know because he adds the like like you know you got charged with kidnapping man you know like uh kidnapping it let's say hypothetically you put a girl in the back of your car she says

let me off here you take another block they call that kidnapping yeah oh okay so that's what actually happened no no i had her for two weeks. All right, you want to call this show? I know Taylor's hungry. Post rolls? Yes, no. I don't believe so. No, I think we're square.

Yeah, all good. Go. P-K-A. Oh. 4.49. Yeah.