Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #451

Episode Date: August 16, 2019

On this week's PKA, SO LONG AND FAREWELL :( it is Kyle's last episode as a free man before serving time in FEDERAL PRISON for his legal issues... but it's not all doom and gloom Kyle's not worried about it and we send him off by watching people ride rhinos and giraffes and then some terrible female YTer abuse and mistreat her dog, internet crucifies her JUSTLY! 

pka 451 the kyle episode kyle the kyle they're all kyle episodes a couple of sponsors tonight uh casper squarespace and a brand new one uh the grounds guys we'll talk about them later on uh but yeah just us tonight we're gonna this will be my last show for a little while i know you're like they're all kyle episodes on. Tune in next week for a look at how that's not the case. So this is, you know, I'm sure it's even more surreal for you. But even though I knew how serious this whole situation was, even going back a couple of years when it was talks like, oh, it could be years in jail. Like in the back of my head, I was like, Kyle's not going to jail. That's not going to happen.

It's going to be fine. This is going to pan out. And now you're going to jail. Yeah, yeah. It panned out. I'm pretty happy with it. QV always sunny intro. Who's checking the mail?

Kyle goes to jail. Yeah, it's the Curb Your Enthusiasm music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. i thought i think i'm pretty happy with the way things panned out uh all things considered i think it's a pretty good uh spin you know we were hoping that they'd have room at a halfway house because they since so i got sentenced to two months and uh i don't think you're i i bet it's been hinted at that like, but it won't be two months. So, so we'll see. So maybe, I don't know if that means two calendar months, 60 days, 56 days, you know, like the world 28 is the shortest of the months and maybe it's a leap year and we'll make it. You know, I don't know exactly how they, they, they factor that in.

And then another thing is, um, you, you often don't do your full sentence, no matter what the amount of time is, it would seem. So I'll find out very soon. I go in tomorrow, but, but yeah, all things considered, I'm very happy with the way things have panned out and everything.

It'll, I'll be, I'll have all this nonsense behind me here in, in October. So, I mean, after thinking it could be decades, yeah,

then Taylor, do you even be in like two months? You're quieter than you were pre-show. And I didn't speak up. It's just, it's just the months. You're quieter than you were pre-show. And I didn't speak up. It's just the distance. Do this, Taylor, a lot. Real fast.

Yeah, real quick. Keep it going. I'm almost done. But yeah, I check in tomorrow. And I don't want to be too specific about where I'm going, but it's below minimum security. There aren't fences where I'm going. You could just walk out. It's less secure than a nursing home.

It's literally less secure than a nursing home. I'm not positive there are locks on the doors. There's definitely not cells. There's no like sliding cellunk like sliding like cell door or anything uh there's uh there's a bunch of activities to do like like there's literally like a i think it's called pickleball that that tennis game there's like a tennis court um that's a fun game you know you're gonna have a good time how is pickleball different than tennis does it use tennis rackets it uses this little tennis racket it's like between

ping pong and tennis like it looks like a ping pong racket and that it's solid but it's much bigger than a ping pong racket or paddle i should say but it's smaller than a it's a silly game i don't play kitty plays it though and she's like i'm so excited you're going away gonna learn a bit of pickleball when you come back we'll play a few rounds yeah that's the that's the silver lining kitty that i'm gonna learn pickleball i bet they're not called rounds either i i don't know for sure but i just imagine that sets are so yeah yeah uh i i don't know exactly how long i'll be going it shouldn't be more than 60 days uh and uh but it could be less like maybe it's just a month you know like like maybe it's maybe don't know exactly how long I'll be going. It shouldn't be more than 60 days. Uh, and, uh, but it could be less, like maybe it's just a month, you know, like, like maybe it's,

maybe it's something like that. Uh, I'll find out like, like pretty quickly and what I've done. I don't know about you guys, but there aren't very many phone numbers I have memorized. Oh, literally only my own. I feel like I know my own, I know my mother's because it hasn't changed since I was in high school. And, uh, and that's like it. So I'm going to memorize like one phone number and I'm going to give that person my list of phone numbers.

So when I get inside and call them, like, all right, I need Woody's number. I need Chiz's number. I need my dad's number, my mom's number. And I'm going to,

then once I'm in, I've got access to all kinds of nonsense, like notepads and pens and paper. And, and so I'll have a, I am pretty sure that I'll be able to have quite a and pens and paper. And, and so I'll have, uh, I am pretty sure that I'll be able to have quite a bit of phone time. Uh, and, and I, in an ideal scenario, I'll be able to like, like, I'm just guessing, I don't know anything about how this is going to work, but let's just say I get 20 minutes of phone time a day. I'm guessing it

might be two hours a day, or it might be all day or whenever you want, there might just be a phone hanging there. But, uh, ideally I I would call Chiz and be like, all right, let's set up a call. And maybe one afternoon, like when you guys are doing PKN or something, we just record a segment where I call you guys and we record however much time I've got. And I tell you what's going on in prison today.

Oh, that's going to be hilarious. I'm here with Dirty Mike and the boys. Say, hey, guys. Say, hey, guys. Hey, Woody. Hey, what's up? Hey, what's up? That would be funny.

And, Woody, they're letting me know that they're going to need a lot of boggle timers mailed in. They're all out of boggle timers here. That's a reference of King of the Hill. Woody, you've got to get boggle timers in. It's critically important. They want their own've got to get boggle timers in. It's critically important. They want their own special sand for the boggle timers. You're going to pick up a package from a guy named Slippery Steve. He'll be coming by twice a week.

Peggy, you don't find it odd he loses the timer every week? I take it from him. What I've seen in TV is people don't know their checkout dates, right? In my head, it should be like vacation. You know exactly what your starting and ending dates are. It's firm, that Taylor situation aside. But in prison, they don't

seem to know your checkout date. This is weird to me. I don't know anything about that. I don't know how that works or how that will work. Like I said, I think I'm going to learn a lot of stuff tomorrow, figure out what's going on i'll get uh i'll get checked in every and everything and uh i think i'm allowed to bring like 200 with me so that'll like be an instant injection into my commissary so i could buy like basic necessities like fucking sneakers and shorts and like soap and shampoo and like all that you're like, yeah. A shiv toothbrush.

Yeah. Uh, Colgate now with extra stabbiness. Uh, so I can get all that stuff down and, uh, and, uh,

yeah, I'll get, I'll get going and I'll, I guess I'll be able to call you guys, uh, pretty quickly. I'll let somebody know like what the situation is and like the phone situation. I think it's,

what's going to be cool. Cause I love the idea of like you, you guys doing PK andk and be like all right now we have a segment from kyle and being able to uh i don't know how my audio will be in uh in prison i you know honestly the worse it is the funnier it's going to turn out if you sound like you're just in an empty concrete room yeah there's a riot in the background. But yeah, I think it's going to be really interesting for content for the show. This whole experience should be... Because I didn't even go to camp as a kid.

So this is going to be interesting. I never slept at my friend's house. What if you get into pickleball so much you're like Ricky in Trailer Park Boys when he's like... They forceiler Park Boys when he's like, they force him to leave. He's like, you can't force me to leave. Today's the hockey tournament.

I've gotten so good at pickleball, they're trying to kick me out of jail so I don't get to. After 20 days, you're dominating the pickleball league amongst all these 57-year-olds, and they just be like just get him out of here what's the main thing you're concerned about i'm gonna guess the the shitting situation no i don't care are they nice bathrooms hopefully i have no idea i have no idea what it'll be like but like i just won't care no matter what like like uh when something is established as the norm then i just accept it as the norm and i'm good with it. So like if everybody was shitting in a hole in the corner, I would just go ahead and,

you know, go shit in the corner, you know, whatever it's going to be. So you'll be serving time in India. I see. I haven't eaten anything but curry in two months. Yeah.

So honestly, I'm not worried about anything other than the bed being uncomfortable because the beds in jail suck like it's not a bed it's like a metal frame and they have like you remember those nap time pads you had in kindergarten yeah that like all right everybody go get your pad and you like throw that thin fucking wafer of a pad on the floor and for a five-year-old 80 pound child that's fine but like when you try to lie on your side on one of those like my my like hips dug into it and like my shoulder and my elbow and like you have to lay flat on your back and distribute your weight for

to get any sort of comfort in one of those so i'm really hoping the beds are something better than that that's really the only concern because i've looked at like the commissary thing it's like five pages of that i have access to from food and like toiletry items you know all the shampoos and soaps and detergents and deodorant and hair gel and brushes and combs and like all that stuff do you get a tv or is it like you sit in a big public room and watch judge judy with everybody else i don't know if i don't know anything about that. I know that frequently there are jobs that you would have at this place. You would go and you would work like,

like some sort of a menial labor type thing, like around the camp or at a local you know, army base or something like that. I think they do that sometimes. So, but I'm there for such a short period of time. It might be one of those issues where it's like, well, it takes two weeks to initiate you into the course and two weeks to remove you from the course. And you're here for six weeks. So you're just going to hang out in the barracks. So, so I'd be fine with that.

Like if I just, I don't get bored easily. Um, so like I could, I could literally sleep all day and like read books and do pushups and, uh, and and maybe jog a mile a day, and I'll be happy. I'll be fine. The funniest way to handle this would be, obviously, it's below minimum security, but you should go in there and just try and alpha the whole situation. Oh, yeah. You walk in like you've done hard time in real prisons and you're going to be in there with like what bankers and loiterers essentially essentially yeah everybody's got like a um a pretty minor sentence it's just it's a matter of like uh like like a half a decade or

so everybody's doing like five ten years that i'm in with or less i think even that seems like a lot of time it does our our our sentencing laws are so draconian they're just like i saw everybody the other day they were upset because that guy who mailed those fake bombs to like hillary clinton and all those people he only he only got 20 years and i'm like fuck he. They weren't even real bombs. Well, he was trying to make real bombs. He was just, you know. Was he? Like 10 cases of attempted murder. I'm doing my Thor face right now.

Thor face, yeah. But was he? Right. I mean, if that was his best attempt, then maybe he needs some sort of special education instead of prison because those were, I mean, they weren't even wired up there wasn't even way to like for them to go off he he was hoping upon hope that they would get the package stick a fuse in it and light it like like he needed a lot from them for them to get hurt this was not the unabomber are you sure about

that they weren't even wired i wonder the wires came off in the mail um no none of them were operational in any way there was no way for them to be triggered like there just wasn't like like you've got we made fun of this guy at the time unless we did because the bombs were like you know they showed pictures and they talked about the makeup of the bomb and a few news outlets discussed the fact that the bombs were essentially non-operational joke bombs but then that kind of got quashed squashed and they didn't talk about that anymore but that was the case like i mean joke bombs is pretty fucked up oh yeah look not defending the guy i'm just saying maybe 20 years is excessive for sending somebody a scary joke that guy who uh in like norway or sweden i think it was norway remember that guy like 10 years ago

or whatever uh what was the fuck? Breivik? Breiviks or whatever. He shot a bunch of people. The children on the island? Dozens of people. They can only put you in jail for up to 22 years in Norway or whatever system it is. It's like, oh, you raped a bunch of children?

Oh, 22 years. Sorry. That's as much as we can put you in there for. Oh, you killed two dozen people? Yeah, 22 years, almost a year a person. That's definitely not enough. I think I have a different view of it. Imagine it. Imagine five years.

You're in the prime of your life right now, you in particular. If the next five years of your life gone, like not worse than gone, because if you could snap your fingers and they could, there was a episode of Star Trek where they're on this planet and they get caught for some nonsense. And the punishment on this planet is they put you in this machine and you experience a long prison sentence in the snap of a finger, but you're in there and you're living in this cell for like 25, 30 years or something.

So when they pull you back out, you have the mental scars of a person who's been in solitary confinement for 25 fucking years. And the guy was like broken. He came out and he was just broken by this. And like, I don't know, man,

like, like if you imagine what five years really is. Oh, it's a lot. Unless you're a hoodlum. There are some people, like us here, we got goals and missions in life and we got friends and family.

Maybe if you're a person, well, not all of us. It's almost over for you. Clearly some of us have given up and we're doing loop-de-loops at 3,500 feet. But Taylor and I have a mission. We're steadily tugging along. Fortnite wins.

I mean, like... You know, there's goals here. But, like, maybe if you've, like, been in the system your whole life, like you were in juvenile detention centers and you're constantly doing, like, six- and eight eight month stays throughout your life there it's just peppered with that like you're like yeah three years what the fuck i get to hang out with the boys again you're literally like a trailer park boy at that point where it's like prison's great yeah they got

the best dope in jail all right like we got we got booze you know it's a little weak but whatever you just drink more yeah i'm sure there are people who people like that it's like in goodfellas when you see the prison thing and it's just a bunch of italians like enjoying food like sitting around playing cards and it's like you know what this doesn't look that bad like yeah their their level of prison was a whole different kind of thing it was like what why do they even keep them in there like like just let them go yeah it's like they run this place evidently so that happens now i'm trying to remember who's enjoying that epstein maybe madoff madoff is in my head i'm just not sure yeah but some of these guys are living it up madoff's not living it up now that i think about it because i actually saw an interview on it was when was Michael Cohen

the guy who got sentenced to a few years recently like maybe two or three months ago okay so on uh maybe Fox News Radio or something like that they had this prison expert they were interviewing him about where Michael Cohen may go and what his prison life might be because he's lived he's a wealthy guy and he's lived like this privileged life and now where is he going to be what's he going to be doing and they referenced bernie madoff quite a bit in that and they were like well what's bernie madoff up to and he's like well you know i know that bernie liked to collect watches you know he had he had hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of watches what kind they're like what kind of watch does he have now and they're like well it would be a digital um and uh it would be of no more value than $137.

That is the rule, and it's just like going through all these things, like the things that he can have, like the best of the best. Well, can you get candy bars? Well, not good candy bars. We're talking Payday, Almond Joy, Mounds. Almond Joy and Mounds, I'm on the same page with you. Paydays are pretty good. Did you get the whole shebang potato chips? Did yours arrive? Let me tell you.

Dude, I'm right there with you. I kept mine. You know what? Go get them. Put a pin on that. I'm going to show the audience. You're gone. I'll describe mine and we'll see if they match. I think that'll be fun. What are you talking about? Potato chips? Yeah, you weren't here last time. Bitch.

So you guys ordered chips. All right. So we were, I was pretty drunk last episode. Me and Filthy started drinking and we both got pretty wasted. And Woody brought up how in prison they have these potato chips called the whole shebang that are like the prisoners, I guess. He watches a lot of his prison YouTubers for some reason. And he's like, they rave about these whole shebang potato chips and how good they are and how you can't get them.

And we're like, Amazon real quick. And there they are. And we both clickety-clickety-clack. We order these bitches. Mine showed up. And Kitty goes, your potato chips came? They came in a fucking envelope that somebody had stomped on. Yeah, they came in this envelope. that somebody had stomped on. Yeah, yeah. They came in this envelope. I saved it for the show. And then I guess postage, who do we have here? I can't tell.

They must have smooshed it to make it extra flat. I did not do anything to this bag. I don't know. That's exactly what mine was. Mine was twisted. Mine was flat and then twisted like a screw. You might think I somehow altered the bag to exaggerate it for comedic effect. No.

This shit is... I haven't opened it yet. Yours looked better than mine, frankly. Mine was flat as they could be and then torqued, twisted. Actually, this looks a little better inside than I expected. But they're all...

Can we see the front? Really? The front? The whole shebang. These potato chips, they're only sold over the counter in prison. And they're supposed to be so amazing that some prisoners are going back for them. So far, I'm unimpressed.

Yeah, that's why they're going back. No, I just love the chips. It's like, oh, that's the fifth time we've caught you in a girl's restroom spying on people. It's like, no, it's just chips. It's really not about the girls. You know what? These are pretty good, actually. Well, I reordered mine, so maybe when I get out...

Yeah, I sent them back. I'm not going to accept this. You returned them. You returned a bag of chips? Yeah, it's Amazon. Oh, I guess, yeah. Jeff Bezos is the richest man in the world. He can afford to send me a second bag of tater chips.

They're going to be the same. I'll keep sending them back. Now, the second one you sent me is stale. Well, you spent several months in jail. Well, we... I wonder if you can get Amazon deliveries to jail.

No, you cannot get Amazon deliveries to jail No You cannot get Amazon deliveries to jail As long as it goes to the front office And they're like well he just wanted He just wanted some He wanted to play cornhole with his buddies I don't know I don't know the routine You stressed so much

How little security there is Now I think sky's the limit ordering things they literally were like you could just walk away but don't don't do that that's escape there's no fences but there are

towers with rifles we ain't got no fence around here that's right boss we got the gun line tell them about the gun line so fence around here that's right boss we got the gun line tell them about the gun line so are there um there's an enforced schedule right like there'll be a lights out like a sleep schedule and a wake yeah i think so i think so i think i read something about like maybe you wake up at 7 a.m and you go to bed at 11 p.m or something like that are you like low grade looking forward to getting that like helping sure Sure. Sure. You know, why not? You know,

I'll just get into that sleep schedule. It's not like I need to be staying up late, you know, doing anything anyway. Once you know, I'm sure I'll be sleepy, you know, by the time it's 11, I'm going to be active during the day, I guess doing shit depending on whatever's going on. Like I'm hoping there's a gym. I'll do some working out, do some running

and I'll be eating that delicious prison food that you're always hearing people rape about. The potatoes are actually good. Those come from the commissary. Right now, I'm like, oh, they weren't so crunchy. I see what they're talking about. They're super seasoned, and that

part is immune to breaking. They're really good. I'm wondering what the food's like. Like, in my head, I'm thinking, minimum security, better food. But it might be the same slop they're giving people who, like, you know, raped kids or murdered their spouse. So that would suck.

I think that if you don't do something that bad, you should get better food. Yeah, I have no idea. I have no idea i have no idea i know that like jail food was god awful it was so nasty man it was so awful just the lowest grade of everything the like sausage links looked like they were just dried out and like shriveled uh just the oatmeal had no sugar or butter in it or anything. It was just oatmeal. I don't know if you've ever eaten oatmeal by itself. It's like mashed potatoes.

If you're not putting something in there, what's the fucking point? It's not terrible. For people that don't know, I think jail is where you spend your time while you're awaiting trial. So that can be a long time. Sometimes trials drag out for more than a year and people spend a lot of time in jail. Then there's prison. Prison is where you go after you've received your sentence. And sometimes, especially like in Kyle's case,

jail is worse than prison because once you go to prison, you're sorted with people who are of a similar level offender. Whereas when you're in jail, you're mixed in with everybody. So if you're like, you know, not really an ax murderer like Kyle, then you're mixed in there with the people who you're like, you know, not really an ax murderer like Kyle, then you're mixed in there with the people who are ax murderers in jail. But, but after prison,

the grand sort happens. Yeah, that's mostly, that's mostly accurate. I think sometimes if you've done certain crimes, you would be sentenced to jail. You know, if you've done some low level,

like, like local or, or, or maybe state crime and they can send you just to jail. And the jail that I went to, they actually did have us separated somewhat. I think that the guys, we were all in very similar accommodations,

but it seemed like everybody in my block, we were all in there for fucking drugs. Everybody was in there for weed or meth, except for that one guy who had got caught breaking into his neighbor's shed and that other guy who had apparently molested the small girl. It sounds fucked up but i feel like if you're entering prison that's definitely a guy you want entering at a similar time to you is a guy who like raped a kid because you're like nobody's paying attention to me right now like everybody's like and then you can join in too

like you said you did where you're like man can you do you hear what ted did that sick son of a bitch man i sure am glad we're not like him you guys want to be friends i don't know i don't i definitely don't want that ss tattoo looks good though looks good i was watching uh indiana jones last night i forgot this little part you know it's there's nazis mixed all in it the whole first movie is them trying to get the uh the ark of the covenant from the nazis and there's this part where uh the guy's got the little makuchan monkey or whatever the fuck on his shoulder and uh he's meeting up with the germans and he goes you know how hit that and the germans go hell hitler and the monkey goes and they return the salute to the monkey and i was i love that part i had forgotten that i hadn't seen it in so long so fucking good that's funny

god damn germans and they're teaching monkeys to signal that there's no extent to which they won't go man i'm trying to think of more stuff. They probably have classes, right? In prison where you can go and either make license plates or learn to paint or something. So again, I hear about that stuff. I think maybe that's like, it depends on what prison you're at, what's going on.

And I think maybe like, I hear about that, but I don't know. I don't know. What new skill would you choose to develop in prison interesting self-defense kyle's gonna come out like a ham ham radio operator can i join that ladder building class um i don't know uh maybe um i don't know like i'm kind of handy you know i mean i'm built my own pc not to brag you know i can do some basic plumbing base i can i can wire up a ceiling fan um i could like you know i can i i'm not gonna so would you like to like further that like home ownership type stuff no okay you know i can do my own crown molding. I got some skills. I can do

basic shit. Automotive maybe? Well, if I ever need automotive advice, I'll go to Conway, South Carolina first of all. What about the kitchen? I prefer to learn from a master. Anakin Skywalker didn't just go off and learn his trade.

He went to the Jedi Council. If I want to learn something and I have Wings of Redemption at my disposal, I'm He went to the Jedi Council. If I want to learn something and I have Wings of Redemption at my disposal, I'm going straight to him for that. He's the Yoda of automotive repair. If there were a coding class, I would take it just because I guarantee it's in an air-conditioned room in a chair.

That has to be true. That's smart. Another thing you can do is from my understanding is that at every prison, there's at least one elderly man but another thing you can do is like from my understanding is that at every prison there's at least one elderly man who knows a lot about chess

and so you can become good at chess yes and he has a pet crow he has a pet crow that he feeds little bits yeah but then you gotta look out because a mean sociopathic criminal kills the crow and then infuriates a younger but good prisoner who comes back and fights on behalf of the old guy after he learns chess from him. Of course.

Not Mr. Jangles. Yeah. He was going to be a circus crow. He's going to be a circus crow. He's going to be a circus mouth. Oh, that's so sad. It's so sad. I cry every time he stomps that guy.

Fuck you, Percy, you piece of shit. That's a movie that like, I get like Ramsey, Joffrey, whatever. I thought they were entertaining. When I see Percy in the Green Mile, it's just like, God, I know you're just an actor, but I want to shoot you. You're the worst.

You suck. He's the worst. He absolutely is. Yeah, I doubt there's gonna be class especially again because i think that my the the fact that i'm there for such a short amount of time will uh like prevent me from really getting the full prison experience like like i probably won't be there long enough to get in tats or join a gang or anything like that but uh yeah hopefully not not. I might get a little fucking done, though. You never know. You never know.

I will judge. You know, when you're in prison, there's new rules. Yeah. Tony Soprano laid all this down if you watch that episode. He's like, now, just to be clear, my incarceration, it was not extensive enough for any sort of homo penetrations. Yes. Homo penetrations. He said something like that.

But yeah, if I had to guess, I would say my guess is going to be that you get up at 7am and if you want to go to breakfast, you can. If you want to lay in bed, you can. And then there's probably some sort of at 9 or 10am, there's probably work for of like at 9 or 10 a.m there's

probably like work for everybody to do they're probably filing us all out of there to go pick up garbage or just keep you busy with something from what i understand we don't actually have to clean the prison they've got people who's that's their job is to clean the prison like they're prisoners right but they've been given that job and so it's like you know keep your area tidy but like otherwise like it doesn't seem like that's something you do so i don't i i'm guessing that there'd probably be like several hours every day of like i would i would guess picking up trash or garbage or something like that or maybe we'll get to go tar a roof and drink some beer uh maybe maybe something like that probably not that one i hope that it is a lot like the Shawshank Redemption,

except without the sisters. I'd like to tell you that Kyle fought the good fight and beat up the sisters, but I can't tell you that. I'd like to tell you that when Kyle left prison, his fights still made noise. But they didn't, and they never would again oh god yeah um so so yeah i think it's going to be pretty monotonous days of like nonsensical like trash picking up kind of work and maybe some working out and some reading of books and i

hope there's television but i i don't have high hopes for television. I thought television was common even in like shit-tier prisons for people who murder. I honestly don't know. I imagine there's television. I'm just not sure there's... It might just be common room television. That'd be cool. Yeah, that'd be fine. I don't need my own.

As long as it's like a nice 70-inch plasma. There's drama and politics around the television, right? That's how you make friends in prison the first thing i do standard death yes no thank you what is it shrek one you're gonna be watching like e entertainment or something you'll want to change it and you'll find out that different gangs have different TV shows they want to see. Never turn off Maori

when the Latin kings are watching. I'm on Easy Episode, Holmes. God damn it. I've seen this one before. I am a father. The baby's not his. That would be so funny. I imagine that's like a real thing. I get all my information about prison from that show Oz.

That seems realistic. All you have to do is get past the first day without having someone tattoo a swastika right near your butthole, and you're home free. But Belcher, whatever the fuck his name was he didn't he didn't do well and the guy from the state farm commercials well you know or all state whatever it is right yeah i think it's all state yeah he was in that movie about like being angry at a band i don't remember that yeah schillinger i can't think of his uh the actor's name. He's a good actor, though. It's Schillinger! Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'm glad it's a minimum security prison. What are you wearing to it? Like, do you show up in an outfit? Do they say bring a white tee? No, I'm sure they're going to provide some prison clothes. Well, they take all your shit when you go in and put it in like a bag, and then when you go out, you get it all back, right? Who's taking you there? Dad, I guess?

No, I got a ride. I got a friend who's taking me. Okay. I'll head out tomorrow. I'll head out in the morning. What time are you supposed to get there? Before noon. That's not so hard to accomplish.

Get there around 7 or 8 to make a good impression. And extend your sentence. That's so funny. It is such a stress on how not intense what you did is that they're like,

you know, show up noonish. is that okay you know i know you probably want to have a late breakfast with your with your dad mom or something but yeah noonish we'll call it noonish you know you'll be out of there in four to eight weeks i wonder if you could get off for good behavior and and does that even apply to a sentence i don't think so i don't think so i don't think I have enough time to, to show any good behavior. You have time to show bad behavior.

You can see how that works. Definitely to have time for that. Yeah. We'll try not to do any of that. My parole, my parole officer, um, probation officer,

he was like, you know, give me a call, uh, whenever you're about to go check in. So I know that you're checking in and I'm like, well, if I was going to run,

I'd have ran two years ago. He like i was like i had to be a real maniac to go through all of this get sentenced to 60 days and then run he's like i've seen crazier i'm like trust me i'm going in like i'm going in dude like doesn't seem to be another option well i'm glad that worst case scenario 60 days or whatever it is because yeah the potential to be real shit yeah we're not sharing the the location but i i tried to find pictures of it and pictures of inside of it in particular and couldn't do you have any like did you have did you try that too did you have any success um no i didn't really look too much into it uh i looked at the outside of the place or whatever and uh i read like a review or something like that like there's a website where like

prisoners review prisons like oh my god what's this website it's like yelp for prison yeah i don't even want to type i don't want it in my url type ahead auto complete like yeah it has secrets to keep yeah um but uh but i i i mean it's gonna be how did it do on prison yelp oh i like like the the posts that i found were literally like eight years old or something like that so i just i didn't even look too much deeper into it i was really just trying to find out um what part of the place i was going to be in not to give too much away like like which area of it uh because they've got like multiple kinds of like they got like several levels of prison at each prison and i was just trying to figure out what what was about. But yeah.

Yeah, I looked into something similar and didn't have a lot of success. Yeah, yeah. I love that there's a Yelp for prisons though. Me too. The mashed potatoes suck. You know, that's an area where you could do well, right? You're looking for a prison job maybe. We talked about coding or car repair what have you worked in the kitchen and really elevated their shit to the next level right that your phone calls to pka could just be

20 minute diatribes on pepper and salt and other seasons i'm unaware of they're loving the spaghetti it is the rave of cell block d everybody's going nuts i got i got other people committing other crimes just to get into my cell block everybody's talking about it after lunch time they carry you on a chair like in a bar mitzvah or something it'll be funny it'll be funny if every time you came back on the show, you got a little bit more like, you know, and these guys teaching me a lot about Hitler. I didn't know.

And then you get further and further down that line. Yeah, I'm bringing my manifesto with me. You know, that thing I read on the show about the Holocaust. I think that is going to really, really elevate me several levels once I get in there. When they hear my take on that, I'm going to be one of the guys.

These potato chips are stupid good. They're really good. They're everything they said they would be. I'm eating broken potato chip crumbs and I can't stop. They're really good. The whole shebang, they're not a sponsor. They're not a Slick's hidden

sponsor. No. To all those people out there listening in prison. Yeah, yeah. If you're listening to this from prison, check out the whole Shebang. If you get them off Amazon, they'll be destroyed, but good God. Dude, you have a short enough sentence,

you could get racist henna tattoos, and they would last long enough that you could pull that off. What if I get these racist henna tattoos and it's all black guys in my cell block? Then you just go wash off. Three to five days?

I don't think I'm going to last that long. No, I always shower in a shirt. This is my shirt shower. I'm a never nude. A never nude. Yeah. You know, I think it's just going to be like a real boring,

annoying prison camp. Camp. I was going to say just camp, like summer camp. That's what I was going to say. It is a prison camp. But, you know, I'm just annoyed that like i won't be able to to do the show with you guys i won't be able to play uh my video games there's so many ufc fights i'm gonna miss are there a bunch of good ones scheduled for

you yes yes there's all kind of stuff going on there's a bunch of fights coming up in the next two months that i care about um i know chef chinko's fighting um i think um um i think maybe the cormier miochic uh fight i think that's coming up i think um i think that uh um uh at light heavyweight that uh that guy who like hurt is who's like got three first round knockouts and is really hot right now and they're saying if he wins a couple more they're gonna throw him at john jones johnny walker baby johnny walker's got a fight coming up that's who you're talking about right the one it is yeah yeah yeah the guy who did the flip and hurt his hurt his fucking arm like celebrating actually and he busted his shoulder and i think he needed surgery yeah like really fucked himself

up it was pretty embarrassing uh right after a first round knockout and uh there are more i've been looking at and then um i think the irishman i think that finally comes out uh that uh martin scorsese movie i'm like who could that be he knows mcgregor's name why is he guessing anyway um and uh yeah there's a few movies and tv shows um season two of um that netflix show uh where they they they um they they're after the serial killers. What's it called? Netflix... They're after the serial killers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mindhunter. Mindhunter. How cool would it be if they had

the pay-per-view fights at your camp? Like that would... Hey, take my 60 bucks. Let's do this. I'll pay if we all get to watch. Just let me sit up front. Give me a bag of... People fucking love you.

A UFC fight for them, and the whole time you're just like, oh, that's the movie you want to watch? I mean, guard, can we log into Amazon Prime? I'll use my account. Mind Hunters. That's an excellent, excellent show onflix if you haven't seen it it's um it's it it follows the like true story of like the first fbi criminal profiler they're like the

first guys who ever said well wait a minute maybe we should interview actual serial killers who we have caught and ask them why they do it and maybe we should ask them like what their childhood was like so that we know like what the makeup of an actual serial killer is and why they do the things they do and why they don't do the things they don't do and like maybe that'll help us catch other serial killers who are active and at the end of season one they tease the btk killer like like that got us fucked up yeah yeah um like like as the show's going on you're really following the two fbi agents and they're interviewing that terrifying giant man yeah i can't think of his name and in prison who's an actual prisoner and there are actual interviews

of this guy he's the guy who like beat his mother to death with a hammer and had her head uh cut off he was cutting all those women's heads off and stuff. He's like their Yoda of serial killers. Edmund Kemper. Edmund Kemper. If you want to see some great fucking acting, go on YouTube and watch the actual Ed Kemper interview. There was a hammer killing in my high school. The girl...

You're on the rise. I didn't know either of them that well the girl was in my class so i had like a couple classes with her but we didn't hang or anything and um i used to ride my bike all the time i was like cycling and the guy used to train with me but i also didn't like hang with him and uh so yeah i knew them both and he killed her because she was interrupting his video games which is proof the video games cause death murders jesus christ i mean that's definitely true i mean maybe he's doing like a doom speed run you know and he was right about to break the world record or maybe there was a good reason but yeah my understanding is she was trying to turn off the tv or something

oh that was like pushing him around a little bit she was the to turn off the TV or something. Oh, that ain't going to be nowhere. She was pushing him around a little bit. She was the older sister. And back then, you unplug that bitch, it's all gone. There's no saving some of those old school games. Yeah. He's starting to make sense. My mom would do that. Every time I'd get deep in Super Mario Brothers 3, fucking time to vacuum,

joonk. Fuck. It's all gone i'm not buying she's so stupid that she didn't notice you were there playing games she probably just wanted you outside or there's no saving no there's no saving like like you know i play i just leave the machine on like i'm saying this was no accident right no one unplugs the television while a kid is sitting there glued to it playing a game oh i wouldn't even be doing that. Like, like, you know, like, oh, you know, maybe I played for two hours today and then two hours the next day. Like I've been playing like two hours a day every day for like three weeks to getting deep into Mario. And you can't say there's no prop, there's no saving the progression in this game. You just have to keep the machine going. And eventually

the outlet just gets unplugged so that the vacuum cleaner can go in i remember that so well i remember right when that happened i was six when i when i lost that progress it was it was she's lucky i didn't have a hammer the mind hunter is going to be like i see a correlation here between unplugging a nintendo scs as a child and serial murders do you remember when you'd be playing a game online on the computer and your mom or whoever would be like i need to make a call you're like no no no mom no in my head at the time i was like she clearly couldn't hear me and now looking back it's like oh she just didn't fucking care like just just put you right off i never played online games

when i was like living with them and or when there was dial up either you know yeah we didn't dial up at the time yeah i i didn't really have fast enough internet until like i was like early 20s or something like that to even play online i remember trying to play socom navy seals online on playstation 2 you literally plugged a phone cord into the back of the playstation to connect and that was just such a laggy piece of shit there's no way i remember thinking i was so fucking sneaky on the home computer when i was home alone the one family computer just going to google images safe search off and just like typing boobs like and that's that's as risque as i got i'm like well what else could porn be

tits you know and you watch and it gets halfway through loading and you realize this isn't going to be the one to do it and so you hit back and then you have to spend another 15 minutes trying to find a good one based on the tiny little you know little thumbnail oh man porn's come a long way i uh i used to play a game this is before the internet an online game played on bbs is called global thermal nuclear war and uh i wasn't good at it but like what happens is everyone can make one move a day so this thing happens over a period of time and i'm winning or so i thought you know i'm up I don't know we'll say 22 countries to 14 and I'm like yeah this is going all right clearly I'm smarter than this dude that I'm playing against

and then one night like he waited for his turn and played it like 11 57 and then 1201 so he took like two turns in a row and my 2214 lead changed, I don't know, the math is incalculable, but it became like 30 to four. And I was like, the fuck? He just completely destroyed me in those two moves. And I didn't realize how vulnerable I was. Ever see the kid get double jump, triple jump, quadruple jump in checkers,

and he just sees it unfold? That was my expression to getting my ass kicked in this game. Checkers is a game that's humiliating to get beaten badly. Because it's like, oh, man, this isn't really hard at all. Also, Connect 4. Losing badly at Connect 4. I played with my girlfriend at one of those giant ones at a bar a couple nights ago and we were like dropping the big plastic discs in and she won in four moves and i had to wait so you just set up a ramp for her with your three moves

yeah i just was like half not paying attention and half just not being that smart and just messing it up and then I have to be like, actually, I'm just bored by this. Let's go play darts instead of because you can't admit you're actually hitting a retarded person. It's like,

losing in four moves in Connect Four. That's kind of funny. But I'm thinking about what your three moves had to be right like she put one down you put the the block so she could go above it and then you put two blocks so that she could you know do i'm assuming she won angular but that's not necessarily true i think it was just flat i think it was just flat. I'm not going to pump my own tires on that. But yeah, it was tremendously dumb. Don't lose that bad.

I hope there were a lot of spectators on that. It makes it better. Like the whole bar. We weren't alone in there. Who's this retard? That's so nice of her to volunteer. All right. That's so nice of her to volunteer. It was kind of impolite of her to take advantage of him like that.

That guy's clearly handicapped. Is that woman beating that retarded man in Connect 4? In 4 moves. God, look at the size of that guy's head. A head that big with nothing inside. Look at those enormous candies you buy. It's just a shell. I wonder if his ears fart. Yes.

I have a video here, and when I watched this last week, I meant to have it on the show last week, actually. I watched it maybe 10 days ago, and I forgot. And after the show, my friends were all like, did you show them the giraffe video? And I like no i forgot the giraffe video and they were like ah let's watch the giraffe video drunk guy rides a giraffe at the zoo spoiler alert it's the name of the video all right ready i'm ready oh wait i need to go i played three seconds ready set play this is in kazakhstan of course he's gonna wrestle it

the giraffe is easily 15 feet tall yeah it is a is a full-sized giraffe. This is no child giraffe like Khabib messed with. No, this is... Wow, so a guy has climbed the bar where you're not supposed to go any further, and now he's climbing a chain-link fence to get to the giraffe's neck. This guy rules. He's petting the giraffe.

He's winning him over The giraffe likes it Like clearly the giraffe is enjoying the pets Yeah the giraffe is in control in this situation Look at the size difference Look he's on He's on boys He's got one leg on the fence

And the giraffe is like Wait Wait Wait the giraffe is so far okay with the situation And the guy's like Sup Ride a giraffe Yeah this can't be dangerous Wait. Wait, the giraffe is so far okay with the situation. And the guy's like, sup, ride a giraffe. Yeah, this can't be dangerous. I'm 20 feet in the air.

The giraffe clearly is like, I don't like this a lot. Are you getting that from him? Oh, yeah. I'm finding it hard to read. The thing, it's just confused as to what's happening. Yes, yes. He's not a fan of this, though. This is not his favorite thing. Well, I'm a fan.

He's been on top of this giraffe for a solid minute, and no one has told him to stop. No, they're cheering him on, if anything. Oh, well, that wasn't too bad. That could have gone a lot worse. Yeah, not too bad. And the giraffe isn't even mad. Like, check this out.

And you might think he's already PKA's cool guy of the week, but wait get back on there oh you're not gonna get back up yes you're not gonna get back on he's going back for seconds boys oh he's back on the giraffe whoa whoa the giraffe is not liking it all right that threw him off pretty good that's all Whoa! Whoa! The giraffe is not liking it! Oh my gosh! Alright, that threw him off pretty good that time. He's saying, run, brother!

Now the giraffe looks a little aggressive. The giraffe is stalking him. He's like slow walking behind this dude. Is the giraffe gonna head swing at him? That would that would definitely kill him. Oh, they'd kill him. Yeah thirds For a third I thought for sure that he was going back for thirds, but I guess that last fall He's not that slow a learner. He could talk Yeah last fall. He's not that slow a learner. He did beat him one more time. Yeah.

But that giraffe... He's lucky that giraffe is chill. Yeah. What a fucking badass. Well, I mean, I could beat up a giraffe. No. No. No. No.

While we're on the topic of Madman riding animals, here's a man riding a rhinoceros. Oh, you know, this seems ill-advised. This man is riding... I'd rather climb that giraffe than ride a rhino. What is he thinking? But I'm ready to click play.

I'm ready. Let's just watch videos of people riding animals you're not supposed to. Ready, set, play. Go. Go fast. Go fast. Go fast. Go fast. That's a good strategy. Oh, my gosh.

His friend gives a good pep talk. It's not his friend. You've got to go for it. You've got to go for it. Go for it. Let's do it. Oh, my gosh. Is this real?

Yes. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Is this real? Yes. He's trying to orgasm before the... Oh, shit. That's a huge animal. Do it. Do it.

Do it, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. The rhino is not on board with this idea. Do it. It's a rhino standoff. Do it.

Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. Yes. He's on a rhino standoff. Do it, oh my god. What? Oh my god, yes. He's on. He bought back. Yeah, do it. Yeah, do it. I can't believe the rhino's okay with this.

You're right, no rhino. Oh my god. You're right, no rhino. Oh my god, this should be on his Tinder profile. Oh, it is. It's gotta be. Yeah, lock it. What's his strategy for getting out of this situation?

What are you fellas doing over there? You're rolling the wrong way. Oh, shit. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. The man's got moves. Never in a million years did I think it was going to work out that well. Boiled. Let's get out of here.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's get out of here. Like they're not even supposed to be there. He's not a zookeeper. I never thought he was. I never felt. I never thought. This is not a zoo.

That just looks like a cage somewhere with a rhino in it. Like it's a bunch of like Montana looking mountains. Like it's just some crazy Texan who owns a rhino probably. It looked like Texas to me. There's a rhino enthusi it like it's virtually mustana looking mountains like it's just some crazy texan who owns a rhino probably it looked like texas there's a rhino enthusiast living there i just couldn't help but think about that scene in black panther when he bombed and they're all riding the war rhinos in the battle like like what the fuck was that now which one of these guys is more deserving of the cool guy of the week as it stands right now cool guy the week guy personally go ahead the giraffe guy went for seconds man he went for seconds but

the other guy went for a rhino it is a hard call is one rhino beat two giraffe rides i think it might i i like i'm giving the edge to the rhino guy because of the little dip dodge at the end where he hopped off after the rhino started to get upset and then he jumped right between those bars so he's getting the uh cg otw award of the of the week so far yep yep yeah yeah that's right but honestly both of them i wouldn't have enough balls to do either of those things like have you ever seen planet earth where those giraffes fight each other and they're swinging those giant ass necks yes their whole neck is like an even longer bigger stronger python it's just corded muscle it's like 10 feet long that thing smacks you like and they got horns

like paralyzed level damage but then again that rhino steps on you and you're dead instantly. That was kind of cool watching the guy jump on the back. Because even on the giraffe, you could see the giraffe kind of like, I'm not stoked on this. On the rhino initially, like it. It was like he let that little bird that eats the fleas off him hop on. He didn't really care between a full-grown human or a bird. They're both non-issues to the rhino.

Yeah, this hat is heavier to my body than that full-grown human was to that rhino. That kind of strength. And ever see a tiger drag a person? And it's sort of eye-opening how easily they drag the person like i can drag a person but you know that took my full effort when a tiger does it it's like he picked up a branch or a twig and just pulls a person around it's something and they just climb a tree in two seconds with a body laying limp there it is hard to move limp bodies. Like, it's hard. I know from a lot of experience on a lot of highways at night. But, man, both of those guys are pretty cool.

Kyle, do you have any other? Now I want to watch more videos like this. Are there any other videos of people riding animals? Oh, we watched that video a while back. Like, to your point, Woody, about the tiger thing. I think it was a tiger where that in china that guy jumped into the exhibit or whatever and then the like tiger came over and just pawed him bit the back of his neck and it was just stunning how we really are bitch made

humans well and also the tiger is like one of the top three or four apex land predators that exist like like that that tiger's mat it can put her whole head in its mouth and then just crush what's is one of the top three or four apex land predators that exist. That tiger can put her whole head in its mouth and then just crush. What's tougher than a tiger? Elephant. Maybe. Elephant's going to die. I guess it's not a toughness thing.

It's just a size thing. As far as a predator, a land predator especially, it's like polar bear and then... A grizzly bear. I think the polar bear is bigger. I think a tiger takes out bears. Polar bears are astonishingly big. Yeah, this is the old question, isn't it?

The tiger versus bear versus gorilla. Well, a polar bear or a grizzly bear would fuck a gorilla up. We give the gorilla rudimentary weapons. All right, well... We give the gorilla Wolverine claws. Of those three competitors, I'm only confident that I could beat the first two at Connect Four.

So, a big polar bear weighs 990 pounds and a big tiger weighs 670 pounds. So can that 300 pound weight advantage? Cause there's some bad and polar bears don't seem as designed to fuck shit up as tigers do. I think that the polar bear would win or the grizzly bear whatever because like the paw the hand aspect to the bipedal advantage like the tiger's got its mouth is its primary thing but if it jumps at it i feel like that big bear paw is just gonna

claw its cat face off i also don't know i just tiger paws are better than bear paws i think they've got the retractable claws and they're pointier because they're not walking on them all the time. Yeah, bears are stronger and they've got bigger paws. I am assuming all of this. I think the bear's got a lot more armor. It's got a lot more loose skin and fur to protect it against the weapons of the tiger. And I don't know. I've never seen tigers fight in the wilderness,

but I've seen bears go at it a lot for territory and stuff. And I also saw that Jack Link's beef jerky commercial where that guy boxed the bear up that time. And based on all of this scientific data, I have to go with the bear in a

bear versus tiger scenario. Here's a man... Here's a man who decided to jump on a moose's back while it was swimming across a lake and ride it. Yeah, I don't think this is going to go... It's not going to go swimmingly. Alright.

I found a tiger versus bear fight. I was just kind of re-watching it to see if it was worthy this is a specifically white people phenomenon oh yeah oh yeah we were talking about on pkn right like like where you never see like a black like extreme athlete they just know better they're just like shit's exciting enough where I'm from. I get enough life and death scenarios when I try to drive to McDonald's and I see blue lights behind me. I don't need to be fucking diving from the air or sliding down a mountain. I'm sure a third of our listeners are thinking of their favorite black extreme athlete right now. But man.

What's his name? Right. Wing suiting, snowboarding, motocross. Mountain climbing. You ever seen a black mountain climber? I feel like there are a bunch of Norwegian kind of people who do that. Yeah. Northern European, Swedish.

I can't think of any black guys that like the almost die sports. But I do have your video queued up. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ready, set, play. Well, this guy looks built for action. You're investigating this? I don't know why.

You're not a fan. Oh, this is a good start. Oh, you caught him. He's on! Brilliant. Brilliant. He still has it! Canna bitches.

Is there a rule against annoying moose? Yeah. You can't even against annoying moose? Yeah. You can't even annoy a moose? It's... No. Well, you should be allowed to annoy mooses. Animal harassment's a crime. Look at this.

He's on a whale shark. They're surfing on a whale shark. Wow. A little bonus footage mixed in. And the rest of it's all the same oh they found them they got fined for harassing a moose well i think you should be allowed to harass moose we've not reached the moose for comment yeah that was cool yeah oh It was pretty fun.

Normally, hoomans shoot at me, but this one just wanted to tag along for a little little swim. I was cool. You know. Dude just jumped right on that moose's back. Yeah, hoomans. Man, $100,000 fine for being cool? I don't like

that one bit. There you go. Injustice is worldwide. You you know i bet i could buy a moose steak in canada but i can't oh yeah a little harassing i can't fuck with it a little bit canada like do they really have no problems up there to the point they're like you know what we're now on the don't fuck with the wildlife initiative. Stop riding all the moose. They don't care for it. It makes them sad. Kyle, the worst decision you've made in 2019 is sending these potato chips back, for sure.

And they're coming right back. And where I'm going, they've got plenty of them. These are so good. I mean, if you really want a tasty snack, you get Jackie to crush, get another bag, crush them all up and use that for batter on chicken. Take some chicken strips. Pre-crushed.

They're really ready for that. You want them powdered. Turn those into a powder and you take chicken strips or chicken breasts, like white meat chicken, put it in egg wash, then roll it in that and then fry it. And it's going to have all the deliciousness of those potato chips on fried chicken. Potato chips are not part of my normal diet they're just not one of my weaknesses but good god i should not be buying these because i'll be eating them if so yeah yeah for sure i uh i i don't i usually don't eat potato chips either either but i was getting drunk on that show with filthy and uh amazon

amazon leads to bad decisions you just clickety click click clack and you got your stuff yeah one click ordering is good stuff i ate a bunch of fajitas for lunch i'm having some some indigestion over here i can feel them it's not good you're gonna have the hot poops later i'll be okay i'll be okay. I'll be okay. I got sick last night. I don't know what I ate, but I was vomiting at like 4 or 5 a.m. this morning, like for a while. What was the last thing you ate before that? Some cheesy fiesta potatoes from Taco Bell.

I had some cheesy fiesta potatoes that I ordered last night. Well, that couldn't possibly have done it. No, those are good for you. That's wholesome. Very highly regulated. Yeah, I threw those right up. Those were disgusting on the way back up. Definitely not a good thing.

Yeah, I don't know what I ate that made me sick, but I was just really dying this morning at like 4 or 5 a.m. I threw up two or three times. That sucks. I need to lay off the seafood. My farts are... Have you ever been taking a

shit and you yourself sitting in the bathroom are like, oh god. Usually you can handle your own farts even if you recognize objectively like that's gross. But this, it's just hot. And I am not doing a good job of holding them in.

I'm just kind of releasing them. And my girlfriend is not a fan. I crop dusted the whole hallway last night. And it lingered like mustard gas. I got up to pee 20 minutes later, and it was just walking into a wall. But the grouper is so good here. Love grouper.

Blackened grouper, crab legs, crab cakes. I love crab cakes. Big fan. I like crab dip, too. Yeah, crab dip's yeah crab dips pretty solid needing a lot of scrimp scrapping scrimp i like scrimps camping i like scrimps so immature but it's funny calling it scrimp so i guess you guys follow the news you see the the we had a pair of mass shootings in less than a day yeah yeah i saw one was in uh one was in texas one was in uh ohio right yeah yeah and i'm on vacation i haven't followed very closely any any news so i think there might be videos of them

i haven't actually seen videos of them. I wouldn't doubt it. Chiz linked one here. I think the guy is like, they're shooting right over there. Bullets are whizzing literally by the cameraman. I'll see if I can find it. I bet it's asking for trouble to put it on the show.

Perhaps. They probably banned that shit. I enjoy the politics that surrounds all of it. Maybe it's sick and wrong to enjoy the show, but it's like, oh yeah, let's see what they do with this one. You know, the Democrats immediately start looking for gun control, and the Republicans immediately start blaming video games and shit like that,

which they are. That's so 90s. Like, aren't we past that yet? Like, the whole blaming video games and shit like that which they are they're that's so 90s like aren't we past that yet i like the whole blaming video games for shit i think it's rather progressive i for one blame that rock and roll music the children are listening to it's the mtvs the raps yeah it's all those things and it's definitely not deranged lunatics who do these things no it's because of it's fucking cod 4 that's the cause the narrative the left is pushing right now is like what's the difference between us and these other countries right is it that we have more video games no do we have more mental illness no do we have more uh what's the other

one they pushed i forget but really it's about guns tommy lawrence said this is just bad parenting and they're like right right america is unique in that it has bad parents where all these other nations don't it but i like guns and it like i just want to put out like the pro-gun thing for guys that maybe don't understand that side it's that i didn't do anything wrong i like guns don't punish me and it is by the way my constitutional right to have them it's that I didn't do anything wrong. I like guns. Don't punish me. And it, and it is by the way, my constitutional right to have them. It's built in there as a second amendment.

So just, you're going to do some kind of gun control, make sure it doesn't impact people who didn't do anything wrong. That's the thought process. I think of a lot of gun owners like me. Yeah. And also that like, I don't know how a law would prevent what just happened name a whatever

law you're going to institute um because he was clearly okay with murdering a couple dozen people well he probably wouldn't have broken a gun ownership law though yeah i mean he he broke the most hardcore law of them all which is don't murder people kill people right but i'm sure that he got rid of his bump stocks immediately oh yeah you know like like i think i think that's to me that's what i always fall like think of it's like if is another law if he was like oh i was gonna i was gonna kill 20 people and shoot my gun at the mall and you do break half a dozen laws including 20 murders but i don't want to break a gun law wait like i just don't i just don't that's i don't think that's going to get you there i was just trying to make america great again now i don't like that rhetoric at all um he wrote a manifesto yeah he was a huge trump supporter he retweeted him and he had a 2600

word manifesto where he said there was an invade repeated a lot of the language you've been hearing lately, some wall stuff, some they're invading us stuff. The invasion rhetoric is something that Trump has really stood behind. Like, I call it an invasion. People don't like me calling it an invasion, but it's an invasion. And that was in his manifesto too. Yeah. I liked the Texas attorney were the texas attorney general's uh take on the whole thing and it was literally what we just said he's like well i don't

know how a law would have stopped him because he was okay with breaking a whole bunch of laws today i mean i don't have a good count on it just yet but it's a lot of them and she's like well well what can be done he He's like, well, if some more folks had guns out there, you know, maybe they could have shot this fellow. That's a strong argument. You need more guns in Texas Walmarts.

It's a fucking Walmart in Texas. If the good guy with a gun against a bad guy gun narrative would work, it would work in a Texas Walmart. It did a few weeks before a gunman got bad guy gun narrative would work, it would work in a Texas Walmart. It did a few weeks before a gunman got gunned down in Texas trying to do something

like that. Well, that one didn't make as much news. That one didn't make as much news because the good guy with the gun killed the guy. And then he said, she was like, well, sir, what do you say to citizens who might be afraid right now? Be ready to defend yourself. I loved it.

Carry twice as many guns. Have it out at all times. Most of these shooters have one gun. Barrel sweep people. That's why I carry two because I don't see so good. I don't think one would. Well, I know the Texas one happened at Walmart. Where did the Ohio one happen like was it at a

store it looked to me like he was the videos that i've seen they're just like in the streets i can't there were three it's funny that there's been three in august and people forgot about the garlic bread mass murderer already or the garlic oh yeah the garlic festival yeah i don't know like i can't i saw a video of it and the person filming it is like why would you shoot up a garlic festival he's a vampire yeah that's what i said that's a strong counterpoint maybe that's it makes sense somebody better get the winchesters on this this is definitely a case for the supernatural boys there's some sort of vampires have armed

themselves. This isn't going to turn out well if they have guns. We had three solid mass shootings in August by the 5th. Yeah. That's too many, I would say. I saw the statistic on

Reddit. It may have been on the conservative subreddit. You know, I was going to be about Chicago. No, although that is a good point about, you know, like 22 people shot and like seven dead over the weekend in Chicago. Some sort of gang retaliation, retribution back and forth in Chicago. And Ivanka Trump is like, let's talk about the murders that dad's not a part of. Can we change the topic? Let's talk about the murders that dad's not a part of.

Can we change the topic? No, the, uh, the other one that I, it was, um, Oh, it was like 387 gun deaths from like mass shooters last year or something like

that. And it was like 1200 by police, 1200, 1200 people killed by police, 380 killed by like civilians. And then, and of course they lump the suicides in too. Like gun violence is anything that

happens with a gun when someone's hurt. Yeah, I don't like how they include suicides in that because it's really sneaky and misleading. They need to have that segmented out. It's also a mistake I think from a chess standpoint. Because it gives the pro-gun

guys like me a counterpoint you know well how much is that suicide why did you link it together you're you're conflating these things it's like cursing to customer service right it doesn't matter how right you are you know you they could have really done you wrong and and really owe you some sort of you know service to make it right but the minute you drop a bad word whoa my virgin ears the new topic is the fact that you use bad words not that i over build you or whatever when they conflate suicides with gun violence you know there's a built-in counter argument take it out police shootings and when the police shoot people like when you add that in like like

you can't add those all those numbers together like like it's it's just not yeah i don't think even the liberal americans are suggesting we disarm the police or the military that i know of some of the antifa people i think that's what they're they're all for that sort of thing antifa has zero killings lifetime i just i mean nobody said they were good at what they do I just feel like if these were talented motivated people Woody they wouldn't be out there asking for handouts

I hear what you're saying it's like Antifa's on the left yelling at people at red lights and then you have white supremacists on the right doing like a couple mass murders and it's like you know why are we even talking about antifa i don't know i don't really talk about him very much i've got a great i got a great i've never

seen him either you know but you're gonna need to play it without the audio okay i think it still like works without the audio but like just so you know they're they're playing the song. Oh, beautiful for spacious skies for amber. I'm singing this so well right now we're getting struck. That's what's going to happen. Can you sing it while it plays?

Yes, I can. I'm ready. Ready, set, play. Oh, beautiful for space. For heroes proved. I don't know the words.

Or in the blah, blah, blah. I don't know the first verse. Look at this guy having a flashback right now. He's a policeman. He was in Iraq. He's been saluting the flag. He saw 9-11. Gruntstyle.com What was that about? That guy was

about protecting America and beating some protesters down because they're running at you. Making America great. They're selling that gear he's wearing. about protecting America and beating some protesters down because they're running at you. What are they selling? Making America great. They're selling that gear he's wearing. Brought to you by Grunt Style Nightsticks. Go fuck someone up.

Wow, that's an intense fucking commercial. Dude, that is so, so dumb. Yeah, they sell like, you know, American flag type apparel, like patriotic, like shirts and stuff like that. Okay, no sell American flag type apparel, like patriotic shirts and stuff like that. Okay, no matter what happens next election, we gotta all start

our own t-shirt company. Two t-shirt companies, actually. One sells all fuck Trump, fascist, die, you know, KKK Nazi, that kind of shit. And the other side is all like trust the plan you know trump is looking out for us and he's definitely not a retard

that's what we need to do we're gonna make so much money off of these idiots on both sides we're gonna buy our ugly, badly made, just not quality boxy... It's like the homeless people that have Hillary and Trump jars in front of them to see which one collects more cash. Exactly. That's what we need to do.

That guy was so intense, though. He pulls that visor down, gets out the baton, and he's really ready to beat some hippies down. What was he? grunt nightsticks or something like no i made that up i don't know what it is yeah no it's a bunch of patriotic like like clothing line it's like oh you know american flags and like like i thought they were literally selling like riot helmets and nightsticks and nah no it's it's about this guy who's been like

a patriot his whole life and and now he's out there as a policeman and he's being attacked by sort of anti-government antifa type uh uh rioters uh it caused a lot of uh controversy i noticed on reddit the comments were very toxic they're probably pretty funny though they're like well he was just offending himself they were coming right at him i was like that is a good point they were coming right at him they're just charging at him with like their middle finger on the american flags it's like so over oh they were burning it didn't you catch that like i did and the sad reflection in the visor of the cop i don't like that either that's the thing that the left gives up the patriotism patriot I can't say the word. Patriotism, like, plank too easily, right? Like, my favorite is recently Kaepernick.

So Nike wanted to come out with shoes. Those shoes were going to have the Betsy Ross flag on them. I suppose one time somewhere some KKK people adopted the Betsy Ross flag as their flag. And now Kaepernick is like, you can't put that on there. That's the racist version of the American flag. He said it was because there were slaves in slavery when that flag was made. Meanwhile, at Obama's second inauguration, it's right up there behind him. Yeah, no, well, I did hear the other. I'm only as good as my sources. meanwhile at obama's second inauguration it's right up there behind him yeah no well i did

hear the other like i'm only as good as my sources but yeah it was apparently like white nationalist people have adopted the betsy ross flag is there you know better times type flag and then it's gotta stop letting 4chan trolls like fuck with them so much to the point that like too easy some some pepe poster will be like hey you know it'll be really fucking funny let's make them think the okay symbol is like white supremacist supremacist and then they're like someone will post later and be like holy fuck it's on cnn we did it like you're right you're right they're too easy to troll on the left and they just ever since they voted in the hitler did nothing wrong do on the Mountain Dew website, they should have known to just compartmentalize that stuff, ignore it, and don't give it power.

Because you just give trolls a lot more control when they realize, hey, these people are looking for clicks. And they want to make ridiculous stories to get their clicks. We could bait them into this for sure. And then undoubtedly people get baited. to get their clicks, we could bait them into this for sure. And then undoubtedly people get baited. Orchan is incredibly effective for 25 autists. Choose what weaponized autism can be.

I mean, it's not like it's millions of people. You know, Achan was taken down, right? Yeah, and then it came up and went back down again. Yeah, Achan. So Achan is linked to the el paso shooter he went on there and told everyone he was going to do it i think he might have put his manifesto on there and but he was an a-chan participant and um i i don't know what to even make of that like if i could make the argument that look a-chan isn't a white nationalist site it's just a site where people say all kinds of fucked up shit.

There are white nationalists on there and there are bleeding heart liberals on there. And it's just uncensored craziness. That's what it is. But, I don't know. Maybe it does have a concentration of white nationalists. Maybe there is a problem. I don't know. I bet Facebook's just as bad on both sides.

Mine is. Maybe we need to take a look at Woody's Facebook. The only, like, spooky thing about them banning any websites is that, like, there's, like, does anyone really think, like, yep, the government, they're going to take this one down

and that's the end of the road. You know, they're going to take this one down and that's the end of the road. They're going to take this down. They're definitely not going to start indiscriminately banning people and things. It kind of worked for Pirate Bay. Does that site still work? It seems like it's done. Oh, I don't know.

There's still ways to torrent things. Probably. Pirate Bay was boost. Bad timing. It definitely isn't ways to torrent things but like yeah probably but they it's awesome pirate yeah it was based so is it bad timing it always it definitely isn't like the cloud flare thing you're seeing no title this is a somalian dating website you come to the pirate bay it's up right now yeah he's right you have any number of stolen ladies me a 12 year old kidnapped victim from Nigeria. Come and see our spring kidnapped carnival cruise collection.

Only defiled once. Our pay is fully working right now. I actually thought Pirate Bay was down too i don't oh wait the mega upload they got rid of that one from a long time ago yeah yeah it was just i used everybody used to use that to just like share like links and stuff like like like i want to say that like like like like like if we were doing like a dual com with somebody sometimes it was just convenient to like yeah i'll upload my thing to Megalop. I'll send you a link.

And you'd, you know. Yeah, yeah. The file size limit, if I remember correctly. Because we'd want to watch the video at the same time, you know, so that the commentary could somewhat fit the gameplay. Yeah, and Dropbox was always annoying back then. And Shore Wars had just Poison Dropbox in my mind anyway.

I was like, I just don't think it ever works. I wonder if shore wars is still with machinima is machinima still with machinima machinima is not even a thing anymore it's not i don't think so but it was run so well yeah right those guys were always coked out of their fucking heads just in there just blowing money all that i mean why was that real estate even necessary why did they need that that building even to exist god no that don't need to exist oh their building was in a nice part of town like it was pretty fucking big what town was it in i i don't know like la suburb like area names i want to say it was an expensive piece of office

yeah some sand manikino like fucking like like whatever the hell it wasn't it was a nice part of town nice ish part of town and you walked in you were like i work for these people what the fuck what are they what does this cost per square foot per day like like this is absurd this is absurd it's just nobody was doing anything around there other than apparently dude it will it looked like these drugs yeah it was a bunch of cubicles and just like it looked like a dorm environment everybody's just kind of goofing off it just seemed like they hated me at machinima like like the high-end people at least were professional enough to hide it but i walked around and I saw a picture of my head on Benedict Arnold's body hung with a pin on somebody's cube wall. And I'm like, the fuck? Like, this is where I work?

Like, did they not know I was coming? You didn't know? Oh, they knew you were coming. Or they did. Before you came in, they're like, all the Woody stuff got to come down. Oh, we missed four. the woody stuff gotta come down oh we missed four uh but yeah i think they were mad because i i got everyone paid better you know and it that's what happened you cut into the coke budget i guess so and the cool party budget yeah which i mean it seems like they're having a fun time kyle

and you act like it was a failure as it's not like i made 15 videos that are still in some old dropbox account somewhere waiting to get uploaded oh that pissed me the fuck off i got so excited when they signed me and i was like filling that box up with tons of videos and then like they put one out and i was like huh well it released.15 a.m., so didn't get any subs. But I'm sure they'll put one up next week. No, no. I didn't give them much content. I always put it on my channel, even when it wasn't monetized.

I don't know. Remember when they were like, you got to use this custom intro and outro on all your videos. And I was like, no, no no you're not actually checking my channel ever you've so now that i i really like sending them content because i'd get a big subscriber boost every time i get you know 10 20 000 subscribers like in like two days or something like that if i sent them a good video i get like whatever quarter million to half a million views or something like that and then just a shitload of subscribers and then try to like upload a video to my channel like as soon as they've subscribed

so they like get some more of me and i like sending them stuff i like my working relationship with them in general i just thought it was a terribly managed terribly completely mismanaged company with like so many like mistakes they they had so much potential at their fingertips with all those directors they had. Everybody from Syndicate and White Boy and Jaws and all of us. See Nanners and Hutch and everybody.

Thanks for loving me in that crowd. That's very generous of you. They should have been doing all sorts of events where they were flying in their top 25, top 30 and like getting them to do like imagine if they'd done like lots of streaming events where like if we all competed in call of duty or like like we did like that something kind of like that little reality thing that i did for medal of honor where it's like all right we're gonna spend a day in the desert and shooting guns and then we're gonna spend a day in the

streaming lab you know streaming everybody playing the new call of duty and like like but they would have cost them their talent so much like that was one of the worst parts about them like it i don't know ea will offer him a ten dollar cpm he'll be like all right kyle let's split this two for you and eight for me it's like the fuck like that you don't you didn't earn 80 of this and do you remember the perpetuity contracts yeah another example of them kind of screw i remember i remember having a having to hire lawyers to get me out of it yeah yeah remember yeah they they yeah you know at some point like you know getting the most out of every deal is bad business because there's no future deals. Everyone wants to get out of you,

get away from you. Yeah, you can shear a sheep many times, but you can only skin it once. Oh. I like that. That's good. I don't think I've heard that before. That's some folksy wisdom. Oh, I just made that up right then. I'm sure. That's not an age-old parable.

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i needed it now like like it was like oh you guys can come this weekend it was like it was like a thursday i was like let me see if i can order a mattress fast and like like amazon's great for that two-day delivery shit and like at the last minute like friday night i check it and it's like oh well we said it'd be there saturday which is when they're coming it'll be there monday and i'm like well fuck you. I don't want it anymore. You know, I'll just get a, I'll go to the mattress store.

I told dad, I was like, when you get here, let's go to the mattress store. We'll pick you up a mattress. Well, we go to the mattress store and like, it just didn't work out. Oh, the mattress store was closed or something. It doesn't matter. Sometimes they want six weeks too.

Like it's not like the, you know, they can be tricky to work with. Yeah. And so I just got like the nicest air mattress that Walmart provides, which, and they were like, my parents are super polite. So like, they were like, Oh, it's great. Oh, it's great. It's nice. It really is. That's a good one. You know, it doesn't go flat. Like, like the ones back in the old days, dude. I'm like, really? Well, shit, I won't even bother getting another $1,000 mattress.

You know, we've got that air mattress in there now. And then they came over like maybe twice more since then. And they were here like last weekend. And they're like, that air mattress is off. And I'm like, why did you lie to me? I'd have already had like a wonderful, nice, full new mattress in there, all set up and ready to go. So I'm going to do that.

I'm sure they'll want to come out here and see their baby boy whenever I get back and I'm prison strong. I'll get them a Casper mattress. I want to see your gains. Dude, sell the bit and come back with a shaved head, please. Dude. That'd be really funny. I'll tell you what i am gonna do i just got a haircut today i'm very excited about it it's it was uh i hadn't cut my hair in six and

a half months uh and i got a cut today it was down to here it was long it was super duper you hide a lot of length um yeah yeah you comb it you can hide a lot of length but i was i saw back yeah yeah oh yeah it was like like behind my ears like it would go. It would cover my ears all the way up. In the back, it was shaggy. It was almost down to my shoulders and thick when I ran my fingers through it. It was a problem. It was getting very annoying.

When I'd be cooking, the steam is making my hair product give up. It's just falling on my face. I'm in the middle of cooking and I'm looking for something to tie my hair back with. I'm not a girl, so I don't possess these things. I don't own up. And it's just like falling on my face. And like, I'm in the middle of cooking and I looking for something to tie my hair back with. And I'm not a girl. So I don't possess these things.

I don't know. I don't own a single hat. So I grabbed like a knee sock, like a dress sock and just went like Mr. Miyagi. And I'm there with a sock around my head, fucking making like pasta. And,

and everybody's like, the fuck are you doing? But yeah, I got to cut today. I'll be right back. I got a thing. What I am going to do is I'm not going to shave the whole time in there. Now, I don't grow a crazy beard like you do or anything. This is like four days or something that I got going on here.

It's nothing crazy. You got to trim it. You got to plan. No. You got to go down to a cool cowboy style mustache once you're out and shave the rest or just keep the beard? I'm going to keep the beard. I'm not going to shave the whole time I'm in there unless they make you. I don't think they do. And I'll see what I come out with.

It probably won't be too cool, but it'll be what it'll be. Well, if you're not shaving in there, then think that jackie needs to allow woody to also not shave and i won't shave for the two months and we'll all have solidarity solidarity beers woody so i think it was last week we were talking about hats and i was saying man i need a hat that helps you with the sun that keeps me a little cooler yeah um he's like you need a cowboy hat so i go to amazon and i start looking at the different cowboy hats and uh it comes in and jackie's like your cowboy hat's here i'm like cool cool i put it on and she's like that is a lady's cowboy hat i say no it's not this is a cool. And she's like, it has a jewel in the front. And I'm like, you don't know.

You didn't see urban cowboy. Like, it's cool. You were still defending it. Yes. Yes. I was like, this is a nice cowboy hat. I'm going to wear it on my tractor and maybe expand beyond that to like, you know, by the lake and stuff. And down to that club where all

those cool guys hang out i thought it was a cowboy hat that is a good hat right well yeah it's it's made by miss lady stetson yeah so we were like going to the mat over this she's like that is definitely a girl's cowboy hat and i was like it is definitely not you're just not hip to cowboy hat style like i am so we went to my amazon cart and i'm on my way here now it's got a crocodile dundee vibe to it yeah so i will share this with you guys so you can see what we're looking at but yeah it says uh it's for beach cowgirls yes the vamu straw cowboy hat with vegan leather band beach cowgirl it says in big letters not for for men yes i thought it was a good hat, but... It's funny. Like it's in that stage of denial.

Just like, no, no, I didn't do... I definitely didn't buy a girl's hat. I definitely didn't. Honey, am I that dumb? Yeah, right. Is that what you think of me? You think of me as a retarded person? You think I'm the kind of man you could beat

with four moves at Connect Four? I thought I was so happy. I tried it on. I'm like, this looks good. This happens to me a lot. I think I'm a little gay. Like, I'll go to Dick's Sporting Goods, be like, man, all these shoes are nice and then it's like

the ladies tennis shoe section or something like that or they're all designed a new paragliding wing and i just keep changing the colors to see what looks good until i end up with like pink and yellow and more pink it's like but uh now that's a man's hat yeah that's what you do that's what you get when you steal ancient jewels from an Indian temple. I should have taken notice of the fact that it also came in pink. Oh. And orange. See, that would have clued you in.

Yeah, there's definitely some ladies' colors here. This is very obviously a women's hat. Speak for yourself. I look at this Amazon listing. is very obviously a women's I want to read some reviews just accidentally cross-dressed I did it doesn't look that bad to me the jewel is a little much but

but like you know I think it's a good style of hat these Rue hats that these Barma hats or whatever that she is uh keeps linking those are that's probably what i would go with those are pretty cool they're foldable they collapse so you don't have to have like a fucking hat box like you're a goddamn cowboy or something i definitely like the look of some of these hats but the utility like the it's i'm trying to keep the sun off me and to keep cool. I get hot more easily than most people.

And these look like almost keep you warm hats. Yeah, I don't know. The one you've got is the style of hat that I wear when I'm on the tractor. It's like that. Does yours have a rhinestone? Get on my level, Kyle. Like a rhinestone cowgirl. No, mine does not have a rhinestone.

Now I need a hat. I think it's got a tassel in the front or something like that, but nothing too crazy. I'm going to become like a bolo tie kind of guy. Oh, the bolo tie. That's a cool look. I'm going to wear spurs, even though I don't know how to ride a horse.

I bet Kyle can ride a horse. Kyle, can you ride a horse. I bet Kyle can ride a horse. Kyle, can you ride a horse? Yeah, I can ride a horse. Yeah. I used to do it as a kid. I'm not a cowboy or anything, but I hop right on when I go. I went to horse camp as a kid. We had a horse for a while.

I can ride a horse. Yeah, we never had a horse. But we used to. I think I said horse. We never had a horse. But we used to go to dude ranches for vacation and stuff like that so i could gallop you know kind of a big deal yeah yeah it's it's it's kind of fun it's interesting it's i don't know you're kind of out of control it feels like like like you don't feel like i've never felt like i had 100

control over that thing and it could just they just do their own thing if they really, really decide to. With an ATV or something, you're just like, oh, and brakes. With a horse, it's like, all right, buddy, we're going to slow down now. Is that good with you? No? No? We're going to go in the bushes, huh? All right. This water keeps getting deeper.

Are you sure this is what you want? Because it's not what I wanted. All right, into the water we go. This is why true alpha males mount a moose mid-stride. That's what the Canadian military, if Canada had a military, then what they would want to do is have moose riders.

I wonder if, no, because Canada helped us in World War II and shit, but, and Canada, no, I guess Canada's cool. They came with us to Iraq and Afghanistan, even though they were probably like, honestly, guys, this is fucking dumb. We got our own problem. We got people hopping on moose all over. That's why I'm always pro-Britain.

We got people refusing to leave prisons because they want to play in their hockey games i feel like the second time in particular we went into iraq there was no reason there was just a bunch of made-up bullshit yeah they're like weapons of mass destruction they beat that drum all the time i forget the guy's name hans blicks or something like that and and he was like there's no weapons like we keep checking it and they're like I you're a bureaucrat and what do bureaucrats know as if our government is not bureaucrats and uh and then it turned out there were no weapons our president's a fucking cowboy all right but every other country was like dude this is fucking stupid we're not doing this one with you except England it was like yeah you know we'll

go if you need a friend we don't really care if you're right or wrong we're friends so i'll go sure anything happens to england i hope that we reciprocate nobody's gonna attack england no because we'll reciprocate yeah which one of our allies if they got attacked and by allies just mean any kind of country we're friendly with would you be like well maybe let's not step in france france france is the top of my list like like like if i saw the eiffel tower like in flames like collect you know they take the whole leg out and it's and it falls into the whatever that filth river is next to it the sign or whatever i don't care i really don't they genuinely seem to really dislike us as a country they seem very pompous they just really do and it's not just like a stereotype like i get all my information

from youtube videos absolutely there's no other way to live. Yeah, I don't know. Books? Ha! Yeah, I just wouldn't be like, who attacked them again? Russia. I mean, they're fine. They're invading. Oh.

Well, you win win some you lose some I mean they've been there before they won't mind too much Russia's one of those countries where like everybody's always like we hate them and then I always look in my head and I'm like this I know they're not like we're not tight but also like

this is like boomer parents stuff like I don't give a fuck about Russia. Like, what do they, like, what do they do? They interfere with our elections, Taylor. They interfere with our elections. That's a pretty big deal to me. That is a big deal, but like,

I was meaning more like, I'm not talking about the government. They did it after we did it, and I don't like that. And after we toppled dozens of South American governments and shit, but I was, I'm not talking about the government part. I'm talking about like Kyle was saying, the arrogant French people.

The average Russian person, I don't know fucking shit about them other than that they like hockey and they wear track suits and that their country can't afford benches and they yell a lot like they're mad when they're not mad. The worst thing about Russia is that bullshit language where everything's in caps. Catch up retards.

Their keyboards have no shift keys. Sergey, you hear what this American's saying about all of our cap letters? No, but by default, I am angry about it. Come here and squat and chat a while. Yeah, i don't i don't think of the

russian people as a you know a bad group of people or i don't really have you know it doesn't really come with any sort of negative connotation but the french i just feel like when you think of the french you think of arrogance and and and pompous people and men who aren't quite as manly as not just us but but like even the germans or the the brits or you know any of their neighbors the polish or whatever like hairy women i think of that too a little bit a little bit with the armpits are you disparaging hairy women because some people like hairy women i will not sit here and let you tear down hairy women while some people like hairy women. I'm just saying. Oh, you need to go on a trip to France.

You'd love it. We're not necessarily talking about me, but some people like hairy. We're just saying. talking about me but some people like harry were just saying i feel like i understand what you're saying like with the poles and the the germans and like the masculinity thing like i feel like polish people are pretty fucking tough like sure all those fighters certainly are at least three z's russian fighters tough yeah yeah i think the the being a good fighter seems to have a lot to do with just how hard your regular day-to-day life is in your country, it seems like. I don't think Brazil is a very easy place to live.

Plus, fighting is a real thing in their culture, too, it just seems like. And Brazilian jiu-jitsu was just invented there, essentially. Like a toxic masculinity there, which kind of leads to good fighting. To beat a Russian... Especially when they're women. You kind of got to good fighting. You know, to beat a Russian... Especially in their women. You kind of got to kill them. You know, like the Russian guys, they don't stop until they fall down.

And it's impressive to me. There's a toughness. I'm lacking a better word. There's no quit. I don't know. You see it in the best of everybody, except for the French. I don't know too many French fighters.

You know, I can't think of any. I don't know boxing. I don't know too many French fighters. I can't think of any. I don't know boxing very well. I mostly just watch the UFC. Sweet science. The closest thing to a tough Frenchman is George St. Pierre. French-Canadian.

Yeah. I wonder what the relationship is like between French Canadians and the French like is there like dislike do they even think about each other it's like those fellows they are in Canada they are not real French they don't even

have a they have body hair women don't yeah what sports is French good at oh And women don't. Yeah, what sports is French good at? Oh, they won the World Cup, right? Soccer? We said sports, though, right?

It's the priciest sport. Come on. Let's just be honest. We could say the most ridiculous shit on this show and saying like, you know, soccer's not my jam. Someone will be like, fuck you and your soccer people will be like hey nobody even watches hockey it's dumb and lame and i'm like yeah yeah well you're right nobody watches it and really cares yeah people are sensitive about their fucking soccer it's the most popular sport in the world my star is more highly paid than your star you know yeah you don't need me to co-sign on this you should be comfortable in your soccer

masculinity soccer fans were you standing in solidarity with me when he talked shit about female body hair no well then fuck you you're on your own yeah yeah soccer it is pretty cool how much those guys make like it's like a mind-blowing amount like it makes nfl nba mlb of those three what's the biggest nba at this point probably right or maybe like as far as the number of contracts baseball seems to pay the most but basketball players get the endorsements. Some of these guys are nearly becoming billionaires off their shoes. Steph Curry comes to mind, and probably Jordan's already a billionaire, but I made that up. Yeah, he's got to be getting pretty close.

He's definitely a multi-multi-hundred millionaire. He had so many endorsements back in the day. It was like everything was Jordan, from McDonald's to fucking Hanes to fucking haynes underwear was it through the loom i think it was it was haynes and somehow even when he's retired for i don't know 15 years uh jordan's still got the top shoes yeah yeah yeah dude hasn't shot hasn't snuck a basket in a decade or more but he's still got the coolest fucking basketball shoes. Yeah, so the richest athletes, number one, Vince McMahon at 3.8 billion. Number two,

Michael Jordan, 1.9 billion. Then Michael Schurumchett, Schurumchell in Germany. What the fuck do you do? He races cars. He's got a headset on in his profile pic. I bet he does race cars. Yeah, car racing Formula One.

Jesus Christ. I didn't know you could make that much from Formula One. Formula One is a no-budget. He's richer than Tiger Woods. Huh. What do you mean a no-budget kind of thing? Their cars cost it. Everything about Formula One is cost-no-object.

I don't think it makes money. It's just people with money like to do it as their hobby. It seems, you know, like Mercedes Benz and McLaren and Ferrari. And I, it's almost like advertising for those companies. I'm sure it is,

but like, how much does that formula one car have to do with the cars they sell? Maybe other people don't think that way, but you know, win on Sunday, sell on Monday. Horseshit. way. But, you know, win on Sunday, sell on Monday? Horseshit. I never think, you know, well, Ford wanted NASCAR?

Count me in. That's what I want. They do use Haviland Motor Oil. I need some of that from my Hyundai. You're not going to, I don't know. Advertising doesn't really work on me. I don't think. I kind of eat what I like to eat and drive what I like to drive

and drink what I like to drink. That's why they, you're still young, but that's why younger people are so valuable. Because 18-year-olds are much more susceptible to figuring out what's what. To exaggerate, you hit 50 and your shampoo is the shampoo you're buying. It doesn't really matter what's on TV. Yeah. I use the stuff that I like to use

in just about everything. All my hygiene products, I use whatever has the most N1s. Five N1 shampoo. Boom. Get it. It's got conditioner. It's got moisturizer. It's got shampoo.

It's got... It's a low-grade fuel. It's a low-grade fuel. It's a low-grade fuel. It's mildly flammable. Excellent pesticide. You can put it in your diesel engine. Pesticide. It's bug spray.

It's a suntan lotion. So, Taylor, I have to ask you. Preservative, yeah. Why is it that you clearly want to be banned from twitter what did he do well he made hitler his background damage changed his location to somalia and started tweeting out well there was an n-word in there there was a lot of stuff he was oh it was a quotation because if it ends with an a everyone can say it but me look it was literally quoting someone about i found out something that like this olympian went through that was pretty fucked up and he got like he literally won

cash is clay he won a gold medal got screamed like they said we don't serve your kind here threw it in the river he was so upset oh yeah now yeah and then like and then later i looked at that and i'm like you know i don't think twitter's algorithm is gonna differentiate and so i just got rid of that and so it was just uh you know just just goofing about what was the quote though with the n-bomb in it it was like a racist like told him, even knowing that he had just won an Olympic gold medal, that they don't serve beep.

N-word is there. Yeah. I use brother as my N-word substitute because regardless of how carefully I pronounce it, it sounds terrible. It's pretty fucking crazy that you could do that shit like 60 years ago. Like to an olympian that way like i guess you still could now but your life will be ruined and shit an olympic boxer

no less that's dangerous yeah yeah someone who could fuck you right up so it's gonna rope a dough if you it's gonna rope it up talent no talent cash is clay was he not was he not overrated i guess i absolutely overrated. Muhammad Ali? Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. Terrible boxer. Yeah, well, I guess I heard that the first time just now and I believe you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

I was watching this thing the other day. I'm just kidding, of course. I'm a big Muhammad Ali fan. When he fought George Foreman in, I think it was Zaire, the Rumble in the Jungle. I saw this interview with George Foreman recently, semi-recently, three years ago or something like that. And he thinks he was drugged. He thinks he was drugged. He's like, my trainer gave me my water.

You know, I'd go into the fight and I wouldn't drink no water. And then every ever, forever fight, he'd come in, he'd give me my water. And I'd give me a nice cold drink of water he come in he'd give me my water and i'd give me a nice cold drink of water and then i'd go through my routine and i he brought me that water and i drunk it and i went man this tastes like cough medicine he's like same water it always is so i drunk some more man this tastes like something's in it there's something in here no there's not so i just went along with it he's like there's a it. There's something in here. No, there's not. So I just went along with it.

He's like, there's a lot of things wrong about that fight. The ropes was way too loose. He started going through a few of the reasons that he feels like he lost that fight. He thinks he was drugged. He thinks he was drugged, though. I wonder. I never heard about that. MMA culture, I'm talking MMA,

it's weird that you can go in there with like a broken rib a broken foot and a missing eye and if you're like i think those three things might have contributed to my loss suddenly you're a pussy who makes excuses they do not like any explanation as to why you weren't the best you that night yeah and mma so unforgiving too like i i preferred overboxing probably because of that is so unforgiving that like oh they he slipped and now it's done you know it's it's it's really life or death every second especially at like the heavier weights really any weight above at above 145 it would seem that just a single mistake and you're unconscious or definitely a single mistake and

you're choked unconscious or in a kimura you're submitted whatever but in boxing it feels like you could almost be like hit me as hard as you can oh god that really hurt let's go five more rounds yeah they can almost like they can almost just you know they're wearing a glove that weighs a pound and and like i get it those guys are incredibly powerful like like they're all they're all incredibly powerful especially those heavyweight guys they look terrifying but but but it's not it's not as unforgiving as as mixed martial artists there um i guess another thing i'm gonna miss i think zufa boxing finally uh debuts in a month or two dana white's boxing dana white's boxing organization i am going to predict maybe conor mcgregor jumps in and boxes for that.

That seems like a great move for him. Or Diaz, brother. Having boxed the Diaz, having boxed Nate as the headliner for the first Zufa boxing match. Oh, that would be a killer. I'd watch that for sure. I'll pay for that. It seems almost like it's going in reverse, though. I don't know much about MMA or boxing, butma i think is cooler like it's growing way faster like i know boxing is still bigger

because it's got legacy stuff and it's been around forever but it's like so you're going to a less intense sport it depends how you measure it right if mayweather fights i know he's retired but if mayweather fights it's bigger than mma But if you look at their fights over the course of a year, UFC is doing, make it up, like what, 12 pay-per-views per year, 16 pay-per-views a year? More. Whereas in boxing, we're really just like, well, what was their best pay-per-view? Yeah, I'm not qualified. I just don't watch enough boxing or like even read about boxing that much i you know if i if if rogan talks about a great match that just happened i'll go back and i'll

watch it or something like that i uh you know and i know a couple of the the names but i don't know very much about it at all i'm about the same but oh so i reserve the right to change my mind as it gets closer maybe i'll see something that changes my mind, but I think, well, might be my favorite fighter. Daniel Cormier loses and retires next fight. I'm with you on that one.

Unless he can scratch me. Oh, chicks corny out again. I, I didn't hear about an eye poke, but I can pull up the video. You might be right, but he was fighting his tiger claw technique.

I will say this. It seemed like Miocic was winning most of the fight, and then Cormier got the uppercut and then the knockout punch. Now, winning most of the fight is not always a good measure. One of my favorite examples of that is Lozon versus Pettis. If you watch that again, I feel like Lozon was winning most of that fight. But you can't really, like, Pettis might have just been measuring him. Might have been looking for an opening, testing him.

So while he was losing, you can't go by that. So anyway, I think Miocic was winning most of the fight. But somehow I think you can go by it. The way DC moves, they do lots of YouTube videos where they show them in practice and stuff. I recognize the old, the movements of an old man. This is something I'm familiar with.

And it's just like he gets off the ground and walks hunched over for his first eight steps. You don't keep gold belts with that. So that's, look, I love him. I think he's one of the better commentators yeah i think he's one of the better commentators i think he's one of the better fighters but i think he's gonna lose and we'll see i hope i change my mind netflix just uh i guess they uh i guess there's been a bit of a bidding war over um that benioff and weiss guy that did Game of Thrones to sign them to a network.

Netflix won apparently. They won the Game of Thrones writers. Yeah. It cost them well over $100 million or something like that. I root for Netflix. I root for Netflix and they had to win that. Yeah.

They'll be creating, writing writing and producing one of the star wars trilogies of course i think that's a separate thing um and uh and they're doing some kind of kurt cobain project as well and they're it's proposed that they adapt the prison break tale dirty white boys for fox and disney but then i guess everything else will be netflix uh for a while um that they do like they'll be all their writing guess everything else will be Netflix for a while that they do. All of their writing, directing, and producing will be Netflix content. Look, we enjoyed the show

for six and a half years. We enjoyed the show when they were doing a book adaptation. They added stuff to it as well, though. Yeah, they didn't make it better with their changes. It wasn't always good.

I was watching the scene the other day where Arya and the Hound go into that little tavern, and they have the whole, like, if any more cunt words spill out your cunt mouth, I'm gonna have to eat every chicken in this place. And I was just like, who wrote that? The guy that wrote that is my guy. Like,

like I need to know who like, who was like, all right, stick with me here. The Mount, the hound is hungry. All right. And he tells him he wants a chicken.

Like I want, I want that whole writer's meeting. Everybody's sitting there like, all right, all right. And get this. He says, uh,

changed my mind. i want two chickens and there's it's like the vince mcmahon thing where he's just like okay okay how about three chickens you're right you're right that was dumb i'm sorry my bad fucking something about the chicken thing it reminds me of um it's a tough guy thing but it sounds stupid you know he wants chickens and in i think it's tombstone when the guy's looking for a fight you know he's really trying to train i think it's wired or if's Wired Earth. He wants to challenge him. And then I can't recall the thin blonde guy with the bloody mouth. Help me, Kyle. What's the character? Val Kilmer. Doc Holliday.

Doc Holliday is what I wanted. And he's like, I'll be your Huckleberry. Dude, it's the toughest, gayest thing in the history of cinema. And I love it. I'm your Huckleberry. My fight ain't with you longer why johnny tyler man dog oh that's good that's actually a different guy it was johnny ringo that he was picking the fight with johnny tyler was early in the movie that guy's played

by billy bob thornton that's a badass scene where wyatt comes into the bar and billy bob thornton a very fat billy bob thornton by the way is just talking all that shit over at the card table. And Wyatt comes over and he's like, can I help you with something? Just came to let you know you're sitting in my chair. Oh, is that a fact? Yeah, it's a fact. Well, you talk kind of reckless for a fellow that don't go healed, which means he doesn't have a fucking gun on.

No, no need to go healed to get the bulge on a tub like you. It's old timey talk. He's like, Mr. He talk awful reckless with your mouth. He's like, yeah, that's a fact. He kind of goes to get his gun. He's like, go ahead.

Skin that smoke wagon. See what happens. Mr. I'm getting awful tired. Pow! Slaps Billy Bob in the fucking mouth. I said, throw down, boy! that smoke wagon see what happens well mister i'm getting awful tired he slaps billy bob in the fucking round i said throw down boy it's great it's so tough right there but by the way i'm always impressed with the way you memorize movie lines just get that smoke wagon like getting that smoke wagon see what happens i love I love that dialogue. Yes, yes. I liked I'm your huckleberry, but I didn't remember all the skewed your smoking wagon. That's one of the best Westerns ever.

That's definitely like top five or six. I like the spaghetti Westerns, all the Sergio Leone stuff. But I'm a big fan of Outlaw Josie Wales, Good, Bad, and the Ugly, Unforgiven, and Tombstone. Those are definitely some of my favorites. Some of that other Sergio Leone stuff. Tombstone. And one I think you might have left off your list is Young Guns.

Is that what it is? I'm not a fan. That's the Emilio Estevez movie where I'm not a big fan. Oh, I like that. When he pops out the end, fan yeah yeah not a fan of that one that was just okay i like victory not that it was a really one-sided victory or anything but yeah it's uh like all hope is lost the house is burning down and all of a sudden he's got an

ace up his sleeve yeah i love the dialogue in those movies. I like that old timey talk. I like, I like when they go through the effort of like getting that stuff down. Cause like, like, you know, um, that, that whole scene at the end of unforgiven when,

uh, Clint Eastwood walks into the bar and Gene Hackman's got the whole posse and they just have whipped Morgan Freeman to fucking death. They whipped him to death. Did he literally die? Yeah. In the movie he dies, you know,

they, they whip his character to death until he's dead. Oh, that's a bad way to death. Did he literally die? Yeah, in the movie, he dies. They whip his character to death until he's dead. Oh, that's a bad way to go. And Clint Eastwood rolls into town with that whole bottle of whiskey. He's finished the whole thing. And when he gets to the bar, they've got Morgan Freeman out there stood up in a coffin outside the bar. And it says, this is what happens to assassins around here. They've got a sign on him.

And he fucking walks into that bar. And Gene Hackman's giving a big speech and everybody's like, yeah. He's like, alright. We're gonna chase them clear across the county line. We're gonna run these skunks down and you get a drink for this and a drink for that. And everybody kind of goes quiet as they notice Clint Eastwood's

fucking walked in there because he's just standing there like 50-year-old Clint Eastwood still looking mean as fuck with a double-barreled shotgun. And they just all go quiet. He's like, who's the fellow who owns this shithole? You, fat man, speak up. This guy goes, I own this establishment.

I bought it from Greeley back in 68. You boys better step aside. Well, hold on a damn minute. Boom! He just kills him right there in front of everybody. For owning it? For owning the place. Okay.

Gene Hackman goes, Well, sir, you are one cowardly son of a bitch. You've just shot an unarmed man. He said, well, he should have armed himself. He's going to decorate his saloon with my friend. Gene Hackman goes, You'd be William Money, I suspect. Killer of women and children.

That's right. I've killed women and children. I've killed just about everything that walked or crawled this earth at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, little Bill, for what you've done to Ned. So hardcore! And everyone's afraid to fucking move! This movie sounds great.

I don't want to talk during Kyle's rendition of the movie. Gene Hoffman goes, Alright, gentlemen. He's got one barrel left. After after he fires that pull out your pistols and shoot him down like the mangy dog he is And clint just goes All right click It misfires

Misfire kill the son of a bitch and then clint eastwood just goes ham with his pistol and just kills every fucking body in the room It's it's that's a badass fucking movie because the whole movie, Clint Eastwood's been like, I'm not like... Remember that time when you shot that drifter through the mouth and his teeth come out the back of his head? Clint's like,

he do not deserve that. I ain't like that no more. I'm not like that anymore. That's not me anymore. My wife cured me of all that evil in my drinking. And then at the end, when they whip Morgan Freeman to death, he emptied,

he drinks that whole fucking bottle of whiskey and just goes into kill mode. It's great. Love that. That's my favorite Western. Unforgiven. He's not like that anymore. Most of the time. No,

not most of the time. Unless I really wants to. You know what? I'm almost done watching? The Boys ah good show yeah I got I zipped through that thing that is good I'm on the last episode and it is like darker than

I expected it to be Kyle warned you right you being everyone who listens including me um like it's dark there's there's some rapey people in it but then you're like what that sweet girl who they just spent 10 minutes getting us all to fall in love with is now like i'll just say forced to blow that bad guy like semi-voluntarily which makes it like worse almost like like i don't know if he forced himself on her then at least i don't know how to say this i'm trying not to be that is humili And she like, it'd be a rough experience to have lived through, but she was coerced into doing something awful.

And like, so now she's like one 10th complicit in it. And I feel like that aspect of it would haunt me extra if I was in her position, you know, like, Hey, if you don't want to lose out big time,

you're going to blow me. That that's how this goes so she decided to and awful awful awfulness but that awful like look you know your show doesn't have to just make me feel good it just has to make me feel and that's why i'm impressed by it what i like the most is the disparity between a superhero and a human being physically speaking and that they show that like it's rare like like superman used to beat regular people up all the time and they would just kind of get beaten up you know when they when these people hit a human being they splatter yeah they explode like bags like like water balloons because yeah that's a fucking superhero

he just ran into you running at 800 miles per hour you explode when that happens we used to watch these prairie dogs yeah and it just person is pulverized into gel you know like just gone um there's a there's one character who very much mirrors Superman and his powers. What's his name, Kyle? The Mr. The Homelander. The Homelander.

Homelander, thank you. Well, he has laser vision. So he goes in and he's trying to take care of like a room full of bad guys. And he just laser visions everyone. And very graphically, they are cut in half. Their legs get cut off. Cut from like, you know from head to crotch,

and it shows it graphically, and it's awful, and you're just like, yeah, regular people would be so hopeless against Superman. Superman tones it down, at least like the Christopher Reeves version. Yeah, yeah. He punches a regular person, and that person falls down off his feet like Muhammad Ali punched you. Yeah. With this guy, he'll have a guy subdued guys like surrendering and he just reaches in pulling his heart out

like like indiana jones or something what about that one guy like like he there's like a special forces team about to take down a bunch of terrorists or whatever and he and home lenders i got this one and he just goes and lasers them all and then the one terrorist is like oh i don't know akbar and he's just fucking running running for the hills and the home liners goes the guy's like 100 yards away he just like slices him in half at the waist as easily as i could look at someone a hundred miles or a hundred yards away. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Although it is the,

it doesn't, Oh, there's a, I like how it's totally hopeless. Like there's no way to beat him. Like even among the superheroes, he butt fucks all of them. They're terrified of him. Like that.

Everybody is horrified of this guy. And it seems kind of almost realistic. Like if this existed, like they, first of all, the most unrealistic thing about that whole show is that the U S government wouldn't immediately use these guys in the military. Like instantly they would be used in the military.

Like obviously that guy's, is there a way to kill him? You can't shoot him. You can't stab him. I don't know. Putting them in the military like at least the government has some hope that they could beat the superheroes maybe if suddenly the superheroes are the military then who's really the leader of this country i like that one there's a line in the movie where they're like you know they're talking about

killing him or something and she's like they've tried everything imaginable to kill him i guess you know like like enemies in the past what haven't they tried nothing works he's he's basically a god like like the man you know he's superman essentially like like he see super super superman but there's no kryptonite in this story no there's no fucking Kryptonite here. That's a fucking plot device they wrote in to deal with a godlike being that is not interesting. He's got some bad mental issues he's working through. Sociopath!

Totally insane! You know? It's a good fucking show. I love that. It's called The Boys and it's on Amazon Prime Video. Not sponsored or anything but yeah there kyle recommended it and i was like oh it was pretty good i'm on the last episode of the of the first and only season so far excellent yeah yeah yeah um i won't spoil anything it's

good episode last episode's a good episode yeah you know they keep you on your toes. It's there's okay. This is not a spoiler. Um, there's one guy called the deep and he's Aquaman ish. And it turns out he has gills. So he brings back this hot blonde and she's going to have sex with him. I hated that scene. Her kink is to shove her fingers into his gills and he doesn't like it it hurts but i guess he's

accepting it to have sex i i don't know there was like a power play type thing were they making him a victim of sexual violence i think i think it's just showing like how bad he feels about his position in life right there that he's he's almost punishing himself by allowing her to finger bang his gills you know because he's he is starting to feel really guilty about the things he's done and then there's that whole scene with the dolphin that we probably shouldn't get too much into that was awesome that was he can literally talk to these animals like like like he's at the grocery store talking to the lobster he's like how's it going buddy yeah me too and then like he's like he's so lame and he's like losing his mind and he's like talking to

the other humans or heroes or whatever and he's like talking about yeah i was with my friends it's a really smart beluga whale he's really smart like talking about how he's just he's like talking about yeah i was with my friends it's a really smart beluga whale he's really smart like talking about how he's just he's just a maniac like all of them have the requisite mental disorders that would come with being that powerful and sequestered away in some tower for like a reality tv style hero life like it's not a spoiler to say that they add a new fresh-faced girl who is good and um over time you learn like how people become bad and it's an interesting aspect to the show you know like yeah i've often thought like if i was a superhero i would be one of those good superheroes i would be you know pure and helpful and this and that but uh over time like they all

start that way. Yeah. I'd like to believe I would be, but I know I would just end up robbing banks. Every time I think about, man, if you had the ability to control time travel, what would you do? Figure out how to rob a bank. Oh, if you were super strong, what would you do? Figure out how to rob a bank. In my head, I want to build some sort of social contract. Like, look, all right, universe, here's the scoop.

I'm going to do good things all the time. In exchange, I get all the things I want to build some sort of social contract. Like, look, all right, universe, here's the scoop. I'm going to do good things all the time. In exchange, I get all the things I want. Whatever that is. Am I the richest man on earth? No, I just have everything. If I point at it, you give it to me. How's that for a rule? Then I won't steal.

How much do you want? I mean, like, how many MacBooks do you need,lor it's more than i want it would be neat it would be cool to just walk in and bang punch through the the safe and rob the bank like a gang i mean i think they got it figured out in the show you know they just set up a corporation and it's it's superheroes for hire you know they're the black the nubian Prince for Baltimore. Is he the one that doesn't talk? That's Black Noir. But the Nubian Prince was like this character we don't see on screen.

She's like, he's perfect for your demographic in Baltimore. He's going to make appearances. He's going to do this. He's going to do that. $300 million. No big deal. I mean, Atlanta is still in the market. They want him. They want him. They're picking cities with black populations for the Nubian prince.

It's not really that subtle. It just really shows that they're just a corporation. They look at the demographic data and be like, well, I think we would make a lot more money putting nubian prince in atlanta than we would if we put them in portland or seattle oh yeah the analytics guys confirming our assumptions that's great let's let's pit baltimore against atlanta and it's like they're like sports franchises taylor would work for vault in that universe yeah well vault i think it was vault yeah but it's like v-o-U-G-H-T. V-A-U-G-H-T maybe? Vought. I think it's Vought.

I liked the... We're giving so many spoilers, I'm sure everybody skipped past it in the timeline. I liked the Invisible guy. The way that they solved that problem I thought was really funny. The amount of gore in this show

is I've never seen someone cut in half with laser vision or explode but I feel like yeah it probably would have that amount of viscera all about you and like I like that about it where at first I'm like oh this is over the top stupid

and I'm like well what does it look like when somebody explodes? Well, it's not like it's just limbs. There's a lot of meat and shit in here. Yeah, we're big bags of goo. And these superheroes are great at turning those bags of goo into not a bag anymore. I dig the show a lot. I've always wanted a show kind of like that where it's super dark

and our hero isn't a hero at all. It's Carl Urban. He's just a man who's been wronged. Yeah. Good stuff. He's my favorite character, I think. I don't think we spoiled it too bad now. I kind of want to stop before I do.

I don't think we spoiled anything, really. I really want to talk about the dolphin scene, but that i'm not gonna i loved that that was my favorite scene in the whole show so far was that dolphin scene i i really enjoyed that fucking came out of nowhere i was just like yeah oh yeah it's good shit check out check check check that show out uh i think everybody will enjoy it let me slip in an advertisement here. Talk about somebody who actually is paying us, unlike those dirty Amazon people. Come on, Jeff. Yeah, Jeff, you got money. Richest man in the world.

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yeah you do all kinds of things to the website so i saw um i watched about half of bernie sanders on the joe rogan experience i got right up to the gun control part and i stopped because we were beginning this show. I've been, you know, I've been living it up this week since I'm about to go behind bars having a good time. So I just I've been away from my computer. I've been on online too much. I've been playing any games. Just been having a good time.

And but I knew that he was on this week and I think he was on for an hour, roughly hour, 10 minutes or something like that. A little short, would like a little more. You know, he's on there complaining. They don't give me ten minutes or something like that. A little short. I would have liked a little more. He's on there complaining, they don't give me enough time at the debates. It's like, gotta go. Like, all right, well, flesh this out a little bit more. You could do four hours here if you want. Joe Rogan, there will be free DMT for all

if you get your audience to vote for me. I think he promised to legalize marijuana like day two or something like that. Sign an executive order. I'm pretty sure. I wonder if he can do that. I think he can. I don't know where the executive order power begins and ends. What you can do.

I don't know if it's decriminalize or legalize. It was one or the other. One thing he can do, a thing that Obama did, is he didn't enforce the laws. He told his Justice Department, stop pursuing this marijuana stuff. Yeah. He said that he was going to decriminalize, I think,

on day two or something. He said he's going to sign an executive order. No more of this. Not day one, because the movers will still be putting things into the White House, and it'll be too hectic. I'll be tuckered out. I'll be dancing at balls.

I'm 103. I'll need a day to get acclimated. Obama ruined the air conditioner. That would be funny. Think of Bernie's vibe, like what he was saying. I like just about everything about Bernie except for his gun control shit, you know? That's really it because the thing about, I've kind of moved even

farther to the left than I already was on a few social issues because or I should say fiscal issues because it's like, God, whenever we need to blow another building up or invade another country or send a strike a fleet of ships across to a strait somewhere, the money just comes from somewhere. Maybe we should stop quibbling over a few trillion dollars here and a few trillion dollars there and actually do something about prescription drug prices and health care and education to some extent.

Like maybe not go like all the way, like maybe he would suggest in some instances, but there's definitely some improvement to be made. And the whole thing with him being able to go into Canada and get that insulin for like a tenth the price you can get it here, that really is quite telling. Yeah, that one in particular, I feel like if you just can instantly buy from Canada online, poof, that's a thing, then American prices have to go in line right away,

I would think. Well, I think he wants to negotiate with the drug companies and tell them that, no, you can't charge that much for your product. You're not allowed to. Because that's what other countries are doing, and I don't know enough about anything to dispute that. I think that's right.

But I guess I'm just saying, I'm a little nervous about telling drug companies how much they can charge. I don't know. I worry about that price. I worry that our government is good at deciding how much a drug should cost. I don't know. But if suddenly American buyers aren't captive to America, if you can buy it from England or India or Canada or Mexico, then now there's

competition in the prices, which doesn't exist today. You didn't seem to have a great answer about the minimum wage thing, because of course Rogan says, well, what about these entry-level jobs that high school kids normally get and and he just immediately sort of shifts to like you know I've been to the Amazon factories those aren't high school kids those are people in their 30s trying to survive on 12 now and it's like well and ask about them I know those people exist but what about those entry-level high school kids who are trying to get entry-level high school kids they're trying to get out of work. What about entry level high school kids who are trying to get out of work? Look, there are certified public accountants out there.

Yeah, I didn't know no one was talking about them, you dick. These people at Subways are having to put unlimited vegetables on sandwiches all day. And they deserve a lot more than just a free six inch on any bread,

but the cheddar. Most cookout orders are all the way. Yes. I love Chinese food, and that's all I should have to say. Strong point, Bernie. Do you eat

elk steaks? Actually, I do, Joe, and it makes me feel more masculine. It makes me too aggressive. If he said that, that'd be so funny. It'd be such a great one. I almost punched that dumb bitch Hillary in the back of the head so hard

because I had too many elk steaks. Have you ever experienced this, Joe Rogan? Yeah. Yeah, all the time. Actually, can you have your assistant pull up a video of a chimp that shaved unbelievably muscular that thing would fuck you up dude how funny would it be if birdie had a few like joe rogan like uh i don't know common criticisms or yeah some no one is talking about the ape threat

facing our society. These things will fuck you up, Joe. That would be so great if he did that. Did you know they attack your eyes and your balls? Joe would eat it up. I wish you'd smoked marijuana on the show. That would have been a headline grabber.

Yeah. That would have made me like him a lot more i'm coming down on caught with kyle on a lot of this we're like i've moved to the left a lot especially on the health care thing of like it's gonna happen eventually like every other first world nation has this universal health care it's going to happen like it's just a matter of like who's going to implement it the best and how's it going to work correctly now i'm no i'm i'm the kind of person that loses in four moves that connect four so i don't know how to do it but it it seems like it's an inevitability and that we just want the right person in charge to handle it like i understand like the competition argument but then

i'll hear people make other convincing arguments where it's like yeah well the reason epi pen was so expensive is because the government gave a contract to the company epi pen and it kept the british and you know canadian versions of that product epinephrine pens from hitting the market so then epi pen was like we're gonna charge whatever the fuck we want you'll deal with it so it i don't know it is really complicated and it just seems like there's so many fucking corrupt people that no matter what system you get it's just anytime there's that much money involved in anything, it's going to be kind of, you know, evil. It's not a popular political position, but I'd like to see the army audited for cost effectiveness. I feel like anyone associated with military contracting just gets paid stupid amounts of money.

contracting just gets paid stupid amounts of money. I'm pretty sure a barracks latrine costs 12,000, a urinal I meant to say, you know, $12,000 and hammers are 14, coffee cups are $1,400. That was the thing that made the news. I've been talking about it and it's like, we're back in the days where like people are signing checks with other people's money. And when you do that, it gets outrageous. And it's time to rein it in. If we can get those $1,400 coffee cups backed off a little bit,

maybe we could pay for community college or something. Yeah. Yeah. I totally agree with you there. The amount of money. And then people will be like, it's like, are we spend more money than the next six countries combined?

And it's like, that doesn't mean like, that doesn't mean that we have the best military out there it means that what china spends on a hundred guys we spend on two you know for their toothbrushes and toothpaste and socks we give lifetime benefits to our people you know at some point it's both though i think it's just both we're spending so much that it's like yeah we, we're overspending per soldier. And yeah, we're also taking care of a lot of veterans with health issues too. But we're spending like an extra $80 billion a year that

also is just for blowing shit up and building new battle cruisers and planes and stealth programs. I think it's just both at the same fucking time. You spend 10 times as much to be twice as good. There's room for improvement there. Sure, we could be three times as good. I hear where you're going with this.

Five times as much to be twice as good. Hear me out here. What if we give you 20 times as much, four times better? I'm okay with these numbers. This is simple math. You're winning me over. I'm fine with that. Yeah, that seems good.

We're on the move. Yeah. 40 times as much 8 times as good I can't argue with that because I'm a little tired 60 times as much incalculable this man yeah it sucks because it's like our soldiers don't even get paid enough

i don't think like they aren't the ones raking in all these benefits at these contracting companies that make insane margins on shit like coffee cups and i don't know how much soldiers that's it's what i mean the fact that they have room and board paid for helps a lot but yes and they'll pay taxes when they're overseas all that money they require you know and that's why it's very difficult like you can tell me a soldier like oh this soldier makes 19 grand a year and i think man 19 grand a year that's nothing all right but he doesn't buy his own food he doesn't buy his own housing you know he doesn't buy his own i'm making this up transportation he doesn't have his medical care you're like this is just 19 grand no taxes worth of like spending cash and it's like oh well

actually that's probably more than i had some years yeah yeah yeah given a gun yeah yeah like you know i get to blow anything up that's more than i had working as an accountant like you know i get to blow anything up that's more than i had working as an accountant like you know so uh junior accountant don't get me exaggerating but yeah so i don't know how much they make because it's hard to compare apples to apples to like private sector salaries yeah yeah but uh but yeah i liked uh most of what i heard bernie said like i said i i'm not gonna ever agree with that guy on gun control he's just i just think that's going to work out. I didn't think he was the extreme guy on gun control. He's the one who says, I come from Vermont. People use guns

there as tools. I think he wants to pull the AR-15s. I'm pretty sure. Let him. Let him. I'm fine with an M4. You'll just go to your Mini-14 at that point. It'll be that nonsense again people be tricking many 14s out uh and until they are an ar-15 all over again it's it's that just doesn't work yeah it doesn't work joe there's no reason for these guns when you can become as powerful

as you want by taking bone broth and shroom tech sport and all of your wonderful on it products i was like wow thanks that would be so fuck i would vote for the guy if he went on there and just like passively made little jokes about joe yeah about joe rogan meta yeah that would be i'd be like all right fine i don't like your gun control shit but uh but your chip namingaming Joey Diaz as the head of the DEA. He knows more about drugs than anyone in this fine country. Our head of the DEA now has no tolerance. One Death Star, he's on his ass. Joey Diaz.

Have you ever heard Joey Diaz's story about kidnapping a man? Yes. Good God. You know, I looked at him there tied up on the floor, Joe, and I thought, this is fucked up. But then I thought, he's a piece of shit. Fuck him. It's such a weird fucking story. He's kidnapped people and robbed people and all this crazy nonsense.

You know, kidnapping in America. If you just pick up a hitchhiker, that's sideways, like, you know, kidnapping in America. Like, if you just pick up a hitchhiker, that's kidnapping. Oh, is that what you did? No. No. I kidnapped him. He was duct taped in the basement for weeks. We actually kidnapped a man.

Don't get it twisted. You, like, drink Drano to try to beat a drug test or something? Or snort it, maybe? All kinds of just ridiculous nonsense. It definitely didn't work, Joe. I was actually severely poisoned. He's been close friends with Joe Rogan for like 18 years, and he still calls him Joe Rogan, first name and last.

Yeah. Listen to me, Joe Rogan. Drano not only poisons you, it tastes pretty rough. Piss and fire, Joe Rogan, I tell you. I had to take so much cocaine. Mitch McConnell got banned from Twitter. What? Yeah, he's in Twitter jail.

Apparently, he retweeted a profanity-laced threat of violence, I think, against himself. He wanted to sort of demonstrate what his opponents were like and put them in a bad light and uh now he's banned from twitter that guy sucks moscow mitch dude the moscow mitch thing like i've said a million times i enjoy politics almost from like a following sports level also and uh moscow mitch is the most effective also and uh moscow mitch is the most effective like tag that any non-trump person has put on anyone in my memory you know i think it would be funnier if they made fun of him for like the frog gullet he posted a video um of people calling for violence at his home yes yikes yeah so the it's the fox news ran with that video and it's fun like so fox news ran with this idea that it's the left who are really violent because the right now is

getting hazed for being violent because they just had a couple mass murders and the left like antifa's literally never killed anyone so they show the protesters at mitch's house they're not letting him sleep they're like ringing bells like and like jingle bells and clapping and shit like that and uh they're like you know we won't let you sleep as long as like children at the border can't sleep or something stupid like i know it was victims of this murder can't sleep or parents and um and then they said they said some violent things too but they didn't do anything violent they're just yeah they said they're gonna let's just stab this motherfucker in the heart i've watched like three seconds of it the first thing i heard was we could just stab this motherfucker in the heart jesus yeah it's violent talk coupled with jingle bells

and clapping and shit like that and do they have torches i don't know. I just thought that as a look at what the left is doing post the 22 person El Paso killing spree. Like, eh, that's weak shit. How many people died in the Ohio one? It was double digits, right? Yeah, I think it's

low double digits. Let me Google it. Yeah, I didn't hear very much about that one. Yeah, I wasn't really paying attention. I don't watch CNN. You know why? Well, I think it's not as interesting a story because he didn't have a manifesto to go with it. It doesn't tie into politics.

They actually don't seem to know his motivations. I don't know. I don't care to look into it everybody it's always it's so funny like the media is always like never share these people's names you click below to learn more like you sneaky bitch nine people and but and dozens were injured and here's the most interesting part of it it was less than a minute he got nine kills and i think like i'm gonna make it up like 27 injured that's not too far off from true and uh it was less than a minute and the police shot him it's all wait is he dead yes i think the i know they caught the main guy or the el paso dude's alive and the ohio dude is

dead i think and uh the police killed the ohio dude and i'm hearing 30 seconds to 60 like that's the range of where the truth lies and i just thought that was well one very impressive quick work on the police part i approve two uh i almost used the same like positive praise for the amount of kills he got in 30 seconds like i'm not trying to say that i'm just like that's a lot of kills for 30 seconds yeah by the way when i laughed a minute ago i wasn't laughing about the gun thing i was reading i'm on reddit looking for topics and uh this this guy was talking he was like the bouncer asked me for a hit of my weed the other night I warned him it was some strong medicinal shit he said he could handle it

two minutes later I handed him my ID and he spread his fingers across it like it was an iPhone trying to make it bigger not alright that's so funny i just imagine seeing no no i saw some clip online of because kids now grow up with ipads and all that shit like immediately and i saw like a four-year-old like on some like twitter video or something like

trying to expand a picture frame and not getting it. And it's just like, God, this can't be good for our society that we're getting people hooked on these things so young. Or he's good with tech. Yeah, I think... That's more positive. I like that take.

I think especially... If you just hand a kid a fucking iPad, you're fucking up. But if you put some educational shit on there, some problem solving stuff or some even hand-eye coordination handed to a three or four year old you know like like little little problem solving puzzles and stuff like that that's got to be a great for for educational purposes the all kinds of word games where like you know if you can like spell things

correctly all of a sudden it's like candy crush on the screen it's like fantastic incredible stupendous you know like like that's got to be good i saw a comedian ali wong like she got recommended me on youtube i'd seen it before anyway she uh she's she's pregnant she's got a kid at home and her husband works and people are like you know you work your husband works who is watching the kids it's always asking me who's watching the kids who do you think is watching the kids the television is watching the kids and i yeah i like it happens big tech companies and tv and yeah youtube is watching the kids youtube notoriously cool remember that shit about uh it was it was a while ago now but those videos that had like tens of millions of views and it was like spider-man shits in princess elsa's mouth

and it's like dry humping elsa and spider-man these people like on like public streets and roads doing weird stuff just in normal walmart. I wonder if people enjoyed that kind of content and it got that many views or if it was just outstanding SEO, you know, Spider-Man and Elsa at a time when they're huge. I bet probably both, you know, because it was really bright, active videos. I think we even might have watched one on the show once

to get a feel for it. And it's like, then the thumbnail's super bright, eye-catching for kids. You get all the boys with Spider-Man, all the girls with Elsa. Yeah. And how many kids every day are just set loose on a computer or an iPad to just do whatever they want on YouTube? I saw this video that Kyle just

linked. Can we watch it? Yeah. They're very angry at this young lady for abusing her dog. I don't like it either. I'm ready. I'm trying to frame it just right. Who is this? Is there a backstory?

I just know that she's a YouTuber. Look, if you're not mowing grass with a tractor, there's a good chance I don't know you. Yeah, put on a bonnet and cook something from 1804 and then i'll watch your videos this chick isn't eating a hundred year old mres we don't know who she is you don't even know how to make 17th century hard tack you dumb hoe

are you guys ready yeah ready set play what's, play. What's up, everyone? It's your girl, Brooke, here today. For this video, I wanted to prank my dog. She's over there. I put plastic wrap on the door. I'm going to have him run out. We're just going to see what he does. I don't know. So she wants to prank the dog.

Well, as you can tell. Stop! We love you. Look how she like puts the hate mode. That dog just wants love and attention. Look at how lovable. Oh, that poor dog. See, this is why girls shouldn't... It's not supposed to be funny.

I watched this before, and I don't think I gave it my full attention. Now I'm seeing it through the lens of just how like attention starved and it's like the meaner she was to that dog the nicer the dog was to her you know a little lick a little love me a little pet me like just this is a dog looking for affection she got a big fucking energetic dog when she should have gotten a little tiny dog and that that's the problem like like people get those big fucking energetic working dogs that's a pit i think it's a doberman that she's got there and that that dog wants to fucking run and tug rope and fucking go crazy outside and she's just like i'm gonna prank my

dog he's gonna walk in a saran wrap nah bitch He's gonna run right through it then want to hop up and down and jump and go crazy Because he's a fucking Doberman pincher like that dog wants to be outside for like two or three hours running and tugging on things and fighting and playing and hit and You're you're you're a little pretty girl who should be streaming on Twitch and not have a big working dog. That's not trained properly Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head, but look not have a big working dog that's not trained properly. Yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. But look, that dog wasn't injured.

I'm playing it. I'm showing the dog is about to look for love. Looking for love. Yeah, the dog's not injured. That's got to be pretty confusing for the dog, getting shoved around and pushed. Well, it's probably not confusing, actually. He's probably enjoying it. She can't hit that dog hard enough to hurt it, frankly.

Like, I get it. I think dogs can tell from your demeanor and your body language and, like, the way you say things, the tone of what you're doing. And she was clearly in a, you're bothering me, stop, stop. Not like the kind of playful push you do with the dog

where you mess with them and all that kind of stuff. Well, that's not very nice. She shouldn't do that to her dog. Two thumbs down. Yeah. She's not in the running for cool girl of the week. Absolutely not. If that were a category, she wouldn't be in it.

No. There's a reason we are not too many cool girls of the week around on this show. She's the first candidate, and she's literally abusing a dog. Yeah. We could always just go, you know, well, no. I guess there's really no way to spin that. Go ride a giraffe. Come on.

Do something. Joe Rogan, I understand your frustration. We don't see what the dog said or did prior to the video. That's what Bernie Sanders is mad about. I think there's good people on both sides of the dog abuse. All right? Both sides, there's good people. A little bit of CBD oil in the dog's food.

Fix it right up. I have a friend who swears by CBD oil in his dog's food. His dog was like 17 years old and apparently got a new lease on life when they started putting the smallest amounts, like two drops in the dog's food. And its joints all, like the inflammation went down. Yeah, just thinks it's the greatest thing.

We might need that. One of our dogs is aging. Yeah, see, dogs don't want to let you know when they're in pain. They don't want to show weakness because you're like the pack master. And they don't want to let you know when they're in pain. They don't want to show weakness because you're like the pack master. They don't want you to know that. So they try to pretend like they're not hurting.

And by the time they're actually showing you that they are in some sort of chronic pain, it's really bad. Our older dog, when she first gets off the couch, walks gingerly. And sort of walks it off. It's like, ah, aging. like uh aging yeah yeah yeah that's a shame dogs get old that's why i like those little dogs they last forever you can get those one of those tiny little fuckers and he'll last 15 years on you yeah but the last 10 years are like missing teeth bad breath years no you know what you need a dog that dies at eight so they don't linger they don't linger they become lifelong companions well their lifetime companions not mine hopefully not another thing about dogs is like what is it that makes dogs when they get old

all of them get a million tumors all over them. People aren't like that. You'll get cancer eventually, but you don't just got a bunch of lumps on you. Whereas that feeling of petting an old dog and it's just tumors and bumps on it. No, I don't know that feeling. Christ almighty, do something about your dog. I don't have a dog. You ever pet your dog and you just feel it covered in tumors? And fleas and ticks? No, just like grandma. Just a little. Covered in tumors and fleas and ticks no just like grandma just

joe rogan do you ever pet your grandma and feel the tumors all over her frankly i think it's disgusting and universal health care is going to help get rid of that i'm tired of tumory grandmas my grandma's alive she She's actually 130. She'd be older than that. That's not nearly old. I guess that's about right. He's 80, 25, 25. He's not 80, though.

He's 70, right? 72? No, I think he's older than Biden by a little bit. And Biden's like 77 or something. I'll check it because I'm not very sure. 77. 77 years old, Joe. Oh, you were right.

I thought... Yes! 77? That's so old. He's old as fuck. Yeah, my man Buttigieg is... Yeah, but he'll only be 82 by the time he's coming out of office. Buttigieg is holding down like seventh place or something. He's pretty young, right?

37. 37. Yeah, he's 40. I don't know. A little too young for my... There's no in-between. I want a nice 50-year-old. We've got some girls there.

I want to say Kamala's about 50-something. How old's Tulsisi the hot one 40 something i'm voting for her 42 definitely yeah for swimsuit calendar or something oh she knows how to surf that's cool secretary of swimsuit calendar yes god secretary i was like i'm gonna need a minute to myself here we just set off the launch sequence and there's no turning around. I need five. Really, I'm going to go pee. Yeah, that's a good cover.

Is she popular now? No. She had a good debate because she sank her teeth into Kamala Harris. Oh, you mentioned that. Kamala? Kamala? I think it's... I'm not sure. I think it's Kamala Harris. Oh, I think you're right. debate because she sank her teeth into kamala harris oh you mentioned that yeah kamala kamala i think it's i'm not sure i think it's kamala harris oh i think you're right and uh yeah she tore her down so now people are looking at her she might have been the most googled coming out in the last debate but probably bodes well for her it's hard to look past the front runners we'll see

it just seems like biden is so cemented in first place that it's not changing but yeah yeah young people aren't going to come out and vote for biden like it'll be the same shit as last time where they're like oh you cheated bernie out of it well you can go fuck yourself i'm not voting i'm not voting for this you know hillary character who nobody likes and yeah i think if they ran like bernie or something they probably win whenever someone loses a presidential election they are just like written off as the biggest loser america has ever seen you know i'm sure that if trump lost he would have been like a joke candidate that the Republicans were dumb to have nominated, etc., etc. Oh, of course.

Instead, Hillary lost. So she's the most unlikable person to have ever tried to pull this off. Who lost last time? Was it McCain or Romney? It was Romney in 2012 and 08 was McCain. Yeah. And I don't know. Like Romney gets written off as a guy who's you

know just a complete failure at running for president and it's like yeah you know i don't know second place isn't as bad as they make it out to be but they always act like they're just awful yeah but nobody remembers second place and it's much easier to offset all that guilt that load of losing onto one person instead of being like the whole party taking accountability for it it seems to have more to do with like swings between the parties than the candidates you know like i'm sure obama was good at running for president but really people didn't like the iraq war wasn't that popular. It was an easy time for a Democrat to win. And it just seems like Trump,

I think a lot of the reason he won is that the Democrats, they were just swinging away from the Democrats. They'd had enough. That's the thought. It's always cyclical, it seems like, where you're like, man, these crooks and idiots and criminals

have been doing this for eight years. These other guys definitely not also crooks and criminals. Yeah. Okay, you fooled me the last eight years also, but these guys have changed. You know, now McCain is cool. I was like, oh, I didn't even like give a shit about politics in 2008 at all. And I'm trending more that way now where it's just like I don't trust any of them enough to even follow it. It'll dominate the news cycle, though.

It's bigger than any sport, a presidential election. You almost have to pay attention to it and have an opinion. Yeah. Yeah, well, I think they're going to try and run Kamala Harris. And if they do, I think Trump's probably going to win. If they run someone further progressive,

then I think they'll win. Like a Bernie or a Warren will probably beat Trump, I think. Probably not Warren, actually. Bernie would, I think. Mitt Romney had this thing. So Mitt Romney was far to the right when he won the primary and then he got in trouble for saying it but this is what everyone does he's like it's like an etch-a-sketch we're just gonna take all everything

we said turn it upside down shake it and start with a clean slate now we're gonna run against obama and everyone's like wait what like you won the primary on a bunch of lies and you're just gonna shake up your positions like an etch-a-sketch but that's i think what you won the primary on a bunch of lies and you're just going to shake up your positions like an Etch-a-Sketch but that's I think what you know the Democratic guy is going to do right now they're all so left but they'll center a bit when it comes time to go to the general maybe

yeah that makes sense some of them might it depends who gets it Bernie made up his mind now I can show you my true form what's great is when you see Pictures of Bernie from the 60s He looks the same If you see like a

30 year old picture of Bernie Sanders There's no change in his hair Here's Bernie protesting In 1965 And it's like he looks old there This man's alive When did he go gray yeah pretty early i would imagine or bald early but yeah we'll see who cares it's way too far out what's the year before what's the before boomers who's older than boomers the quiet generation

the silent generation and then the greatest generation before that i think or maybe i got those i think bernie sanders is in the silent the silent generation 77 he and biden are huh then what's his name buddha judge he's a millennial kamala harris what's she probably like a gen x elizabeth warren she's probably a boomer. Yeah. There's like 100 other ones and I don't remember who they are. Yeah. To me, boomer's old. Boomer's up to

75 years old. Boomer's just 55 to 75 right now. And I'm like, whoa, if you're older than boomer, these are your golden years, bro. Why are you running for president? Tulsi Gabbard don't know a lot of her policies other than she's anti-war but far and away the cutest yes so that's that's a lot of points in her favor it is a popularity contest yep now i gotta pee oh yeah i guess the lapd is investigating that uh that young lady who uh abused her dog i just

don't know if abuse is the right way that doesn't that's not animal abuse to me like do you think that dog would be better off in a shelter i don't i hear what you're saying i saw it too and and i want to say sometime in my life maybe not my current dog like i have pushed a dog away in frustration not for trying to love me but you know for some bad behavior um that just didn't seem like a high level of abuse i do see what you're saying but i also feel like that dog was just coming at her head down please love me and she's being mean to it. I mean the dog needs training. What the dog's

doing is inappropriate. I mean if that's not what you want your dog to do then that's not what the dog should be doing. It's your dog. I can't remember. There's like an order it's like there's like an order of priorities with dogs and like affection is at the end.

It's like, it's like obedience training and then affect, or it's like a, it's like discipline, something else. And then love at the end. And that's just how it's, that's the way to go. You don't want a dog that's going to act inappropriately like that. Especially when you go out of your house with strangers and other people and stuff like that. That dog's too aggressive for her

anyway. It's too big for her. She clearly can't control that dog. I have a Patreon AMA question. Would you rather be top 1% in looks or intelligence? Which one and why? Do I keep my current intelligence no i think you're creating a new character here i'll see this is difficult because i don't know what i'm gonna

like am i like retarded and good looking or am i that is a good question and a genius if we're bottom one percent in the other one yeah but let's assume it goes top one percent and average yeah um i don't know i don't know i think maybe good looks will get you farther than than maybe the extreme intelligence i don't know like maybe you could just become a model right like like you don't have to be a gene you can be the fucking zoolander guy out there up one percent i don't think is quite as good as you're making it out to be, though, right? It's not, actually. It's literally one in every hundred people.

You're just the best-looking person at that bar. This is another example, a prime example, of a not-very-well-thought-out patron question. Fail. I'm going to change it and make it, I say, me, but I get to add, but I either keep my current intelligence and go to a and let's just make it 0.1 like you are literally one of the you are strikingly attractive so that like like if another man sees you he's instantly like well god damn those exist i need to i'm gonna go to a different bar i i'm out like like did you see

that guy yeah his name's kyler kyler he's not just taking the hottest girl here he's taking the top 10 yeah yeah like like like in that situation i think i'd rather stay my current intelligence but become like the the 0.01 attractive person because i just don't know what i do with that intelligence you know like like make wittier jokes like i'm not going to become a neuroscientist or anything that seems boring right i was i looked at the question so the question originally taylor was would you rather be top one percent in looks or intelligence and And Kyle changed it to, which of your attributes would you change to 0.1% looks or intelligence?

Ooh. Ah. I could use a lot of looks. But I'm also not very bright. So we'll see. One of these categories is getting a major upgrade yeah one of them is gonna be huge i

if i make myself really smart i'll understand even better how ugly i am if i make myself really handsome actually no i'm gonna be hot fuck that yeah i'm torn on the hot thing because i feel like intelligence lasts longer right like being handsome would be dope but a brad pitt make him 46 is he even that noteworthy i mean in person i know they can dress him up in a movie with good lighting and makeup but he's wrinkled old regular looking person. I mean, he's 55 now. Oh,

well that explains why he looks so bad for 46. You know what? I'm going to upgrade intelligence. Cause I feel like I could use a boost. I don't know how old Brad Pitt is. Uh, yeah, I think you want to,

uh, probably upgrade the, the looks. Just one fades. That's all. And this, this is horrible to to probably upgrade the looks. Just one fades, that's all. And this is horrible to say. Yeah, intelligence fades too. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, looks fade.

Looks fade on girls extra, right? Because they just peak earlier. They're just like milk. You can be a pretty good-looking 40-year-old dude, right? If you kind of keep it fit, like there's a kind of distinguished good looking older dude uh i mean there are some women outliers but yeah there's outliers they're asians uh i i was thinking of white girls not all of them but like sondra bullock was in my head and um christy brinkley age super war uh um um what's her name from lord of the rings

galadriel the lady of light uh kate blanchett yeah okay how old was she in that movie in the movie uh i would guess like 40 30s they shone enough light on her though and she looks great yeah lord of the rings is almost 20 years ago now damn that's crazy the first one they took a while to do all three right uh they released it every christmas in 01 02 and 03 i think well she's 50 now so she was around 30 that's not even that well lots of 30 35 She was about 35. It was about 15 years ago, I think. When they wrapped up. They wrapped up around

03, 04, I think. The looks thing. I maintain it's not that impressive to be good-looking at 25. A lot of people are good-looking at 25. Fast forward that to 45 and your numbers are cut substantially.

The more I think about it, the more I'm pretty sure looks is the way to go yeah because what am i gonna do with that intellect what if it just makes me like really cynical and hate everything because i now understand every mass murder yeah just like you or maybe you you become so intelligent you become like a ted kaczynski kind of maniac and suddenly you want to do fucked up shit. I guess I thought I would parlay that intelligence into money. Parlay those good looks into money.

Not without intelligence, I guess. I could parlay my good looks into getting taken advantage of. That'd be fine. As long as you're also making money. Sure, let some big Hollywood mogul or whatever make a bunch of money off you as long as you're along for the ride

and everybody wants to fuck you. Sounds pretty cool. I guess I was thinking of not that much success. I'm a bad dad now. A bad dad now. This is my boy. If intelligence translates to money, I know looks can too,

then it's a much more durable thing. Maybe I'm looking at this through the eyes of a 46-year-old. You know, like, yeah, you can still be smart into 50. I know it fades, but you can still be smart into 50. You can still be rich until the end.

Whereas looks, even the very good looking, that wears off. Yeah. Let me tell everybody about our last sponsor of the evening. This episode is brought to you by The Grounds Guys, a neighborly company. The Grounds Guys is looking for new owners to join their growing company. Could this be the perfect opportunity for you? Are you driven?

Do you have the heartbeat of an entrepreneur? Do you love to be outdoors? If you're currently running your own landscape business or you think that a landscaping franchise could be your natural calling, text GGBIZOPP to 87000 right now. There's links down below. Explain all that. Right now to learn more. Choosing to start your own business with the Grounds Guys means that you're setting yourself up for success by surrounding yourself with the best in the business and the best at the business. With the Grounds Guys, you'll be your own boss, pick your own territory, set your own hours, and live a better quality of life running a business that you can be proud of. You'll have access to tailor your feeding back through your thing. You'll also have access to your best resources to help you

scale your landscape business to meet your personal and professional goals. And you will go home every day with the satisfaction of helping your customers enhance and maintain the beauty of their outdoor spaces. It's still feeding back. As a Groundsky owner, you'll also be a part of the greater Neighborly community of home service brands. Neighborly has empowered more than 3,700 entrepreneurs to achieve their dreams and goals through local business ownership. No one knows the home service industry better than Neighborly. Every year, nearly 1 million customers are proudly served by one of neighborly's 22 award-winning brands some of which include mosquito joe molly made the glass doctor and mr rooter still feeding back whether you've been thinking about starting

your own business or you're already running your own landscape company text gg biz oppP to 87000 to learn more about how a Grounds Guys franchise can help you get where you want to go faster than you ever could going at it alone. Again, text GGBizOPP to 87000 to learn more about the neighborly brands that may be available in your area. We thank them for sponsoring PKA this week. Sounds like a very cool company. You get right in there. Landscaping has always seemed to me just feeding back. Kyle, it might be on your end because I don't hear it.

I don't think it's me because I had my mute button pressed the whole time so I could eat these potato chips that I got addicted to. Try this, Taylor. Put the other ear of your headphones on. It's like under my leg over here shit driving me insane I didn't do anything different I know

in the middle of the ad read you started saying feedback and I saw Woody's expression kind of be like yeah I hear it so much I don't hear it now though if I don't hear it I don't think the listeners will hear it oh fair enough. Wow. So you sound like a madman.

Yes. That's the takeaway. It's not paid back. It's paid back. It's like everything I hear, I'm hearing again. And I'm trying to read while listening to myself. And 1.2 second delay behind. That's such an effective way to break someone's train of thought

it's so hard to focus yeah it's you used to do that with like friends to bother them just repeat exactly what they said like half a second after they speak like as they're trying to talk they made a device like it was literally designed for when your wife yells at you. You press a button and then while she's talking it repeats it back to her on a slight delay and it ruins her train of thought and makes her stop. It's like you're supposed to keep it on the kitchen counter and just press that

shit to shut her up. I don't know how good it is for the marriage but it's hilarious. It can't be good for the marriage. Yeah, the Grounds guys. Check them out. That seems like a really cool opportunity if you're looking to dip your toes in the world of small business entrepreneurship. I've always thought landscaping,

that's one of my things that I always think, like, ah, yeah, this is a really good thing to get into. I knew a guy in high school, he would cut lawns after work with his dad's lawnmower, and at this point, we're 15 years separated, but now he owns like a big landscaping company, you know, and that's what they do. And he's got several teams of guys. He owns like half a dozen trucks and each truck has a trailer, you know, with all those weed eaters on the side and the gasoline and everything. It's like, this is the way to do that and sort of get in without, uh, you know,

with somebody helping you out you know yeah what franchises typically do is teach you how to run a business and you know so if you're like look you know i don't have a lot cooking right now but i sure would love to own my own business and have no limit on how much money i can make the limit on how much money you can make if you sell your time for dollars then there's a cap on how much you can make if you own your own business there is no cap and uh yeah i don't know it's a neat thing i i was looking for an opportunity it would be a neat one to look into i need to get better at landscaping the amount of weeds i have in my front yard because like the mulch area where like the shrubs are and everything and like the

walkway up like for a while when i first moved shrubs are and everything and like the walkway up like for a while when i first moved in because it was so ill like badly taken care of i would like go and i pull them all out and then two seconds later it felt like there'd be twice as many and then i realized like you know what i'm gonna put stone down instead of the mulch so i never have to do this again so fuck it i'm gonna do it one fell swoop in the fall when it's ideal time for that i'm not pulling weeds and it is a thicket of weeds in that entire area on the stone terrible on the the mulch growing up through the mulch so you didn't do the stone thing yet not yet i'm waiting till fall do you have anything there you want to keep alive

yeah i like the shrubs there i planted a couple uh couple flowers or i guess my girlfriend planted them okay and bought them and went to the store to get them so i had nothing to do with it now that i'm thinking about it she planted some flowers out front and i like the way those look uh and then in the back i'm just gonna kill all of the stupid little flowers that they have. Not even flowers, just weeds. Just weeds all over the place, and then there's a heavy-ass statue.

It's got, like, the patron saint of ruining my fucking yard. Taking up all this space. Have you used Roundup before? Yeah, I went to... Oh, okay. So my girlfriend likes, like, natural shit, so I was over there at Home Depot, and I i was gonna get something to kill all the weeds i just grabbed round up and she was like before you get that please try this one and i like look at the side and it's

like cinnamon oil coconut oil lavender oil homeopathic weed killer i'm like oh cool so this is twice as expensive and definitely won't fucking work. I bet the plants are actually going to love this. And so I went, doused it in that and nothing. Not that the results were less than good. Fucking nothing.

You just watered your weeds. Just watered them. Just made them shiny. And so then I went back and I got regular Roundup. And it's a massacre. Shit works. Dude, Roundup is funny. Like I spray it.

I look the next day and I'm like, maybe I mixed it not thick enough this time. Because I buy it in, I think it's like a five gallon jug or something like that. Or maybe it's three gallons. But then I mix it, whatever, 40 to one. At first I overdid it and then i've been just like dialing it back to their recommendation every time it works super well but by the next day there's no effect the day two it doesn't it

looks like i didn't do anything day three they just start to yellow. By day six or so, it's a massacre. It's amazing how effective Roundup is. Yeah, that stuff causes cancer. Chemicals get shit done. It's even worse for plants. I'm not fucking drinking it. You think it's hard on babies. You should try being a friend.

Right on some dandelions. They're dead in a week. Yeah, it's even worse there's a stump that i had to get i'm having to get rid of and like i just saw something at the store i was like stump away or whatever the hell and make explosives from that oh well i i just thought it was for getting rid of stumps and i like i was gonna do it one day i'm like gonna go lawn gonna pull up weeds gonna do this gonna do that and have a productive day. It was like the last thing on the list. And for some reason in my head, I didn't actually read the package.

I had it like thinking like, oh, you just open this container of whatever's in here and you pour it on a stump and the stump magically goes away. And then I started reading all the instructions. Round up for cubic feet of wood. You need this kind of drill and you need to drill it at this angle into the thing and then you take x amount of this insert it push it down with a dowel then you'll want to add this much water and i got like halfway through and i'm like you know the stump isn't that bad i just decided not to do it so i gotta do that i hire a guy with a stump grinder that's my technique and here's the second part of that after he comes and he says

hey your stump is gone go in that pile of sawdust and kick around because it is super common for them to leave like a six inch tall root and you gotta check their work otherwise you just hit it with the mower for the rest of your life you can

burn them out You can use that stump remover Or you can use explosives Or you can just pull them out Or you can dig them out This is a pretty big stump I would use a backhoe For that sort of job

Or a dude with a grinder That'll get it done too And they're fun to watch Yeah I like those videos on youtube i like those videos and where the cars fall into that grinding machine at the scrapyard yeah it just tears them into bits oh you can put all kinds of fun things in those grinding machines we watched them throw cows in it on that last pk hangout i like bowling balls i like the ones that put up a little fight you know it like the bowling balls were trying like dickens to get the fuck out of there the cows just get sucked in like it they just they're dead cows everyone but they just get

sucked in they're really grabby bowling balls kind of bounce on top and you're like is that gonna get sucked in is the bowling ball gonna live forever on just bouncing on top of these things and then it gets a grip and like a chip flies and now it's got a grippy surface that it can attack even better and i like it when they put up a fight yeah like that's how it's made that's a real interesting show have you guys ever watched that oh so much of how it's made. If you're just blasted high, it's even more fun because you're just like, fuck, that's where Pringles come from? God damn.

I just thought they came like this. Just watching them. From the Pringle tree. You'll be an hour into how it's made before you realize that it just started out of playing Family Guy half an hour ago. Fuck.

I thought I was learning how they made Family Guy at this point. Yeah, I like those a lot, though. Like barbed wire. Like learning. Like I'll watch him make the most boring, stupid things that I don't give a fuck. I literally watched him make mops one day. Dude. Just anything.

It's all interesting. I like watching machines be productive. That's the thing that's interesting to me. there's a large like swath i talk about tractors pulling mowers but that's really excuse me just a subset of machines getting serious shit done you know i like watching conveyor belts fill ice cream cones you know like for like mass production yeah i think it comes and goes yeah like fills the yeah it's cool it's sometimes in manufacturing they have a lot of things that they need to all organize like straighten them up and put them in a row and to watch those machines go through and do that is really cool you ever seen the tomato sorting machine where like they're going on a

conveyor belt and they fall down a hole. But it's got compressed air going and blasting the green tomatoes and making them go into a different bin. How's it only getting the green ones? I don't know. It can tell. It's like I want to say the one I saw also sorted by size. So it was like little red ones here, big red ones there, green ones out the back.

Size is easy though. This thing was catching the color and blasting them with that little burst of air and sending them into the other bin it was cool that is cool the one i think i saw had a paddle which is not as neat as a burst of air but also i like uh i like anytime when they're um foraging like metal stuff when they start with like liquid metal or or when they're like folding a piece of metal over and over or like they've got that giant machine that like pounds like an ingot until it's just red hot uh that's that's just fun to watch it really is it because some stuff you're like i think i know how rat traps are made i got a pretty good idea i mean i'm no genius here but looking at this thing looks like they're bending

a lot of wire yeah they take one wire they bend it up in a squirrely cue, and take the other wire and bend it in a rectangle. Yeah. I'm 80% there. But some other stuff, it's like, oh, man, I didn't know that's how that was made. Like making carburetors or whatever the fuck. I enjoy that. Guitar. The instruments, various instruments are always cool to watch.

Yeah, that's a good show. A how it's made for a paraglider wing. Now, a paraglider wing is between $3,000 and $4,000. And when you see it, you're like, what the heck? Why does it cost so much? It's fabric, right? You know, it should cost 10 times as much as a T-shirt. And then you see how it's made and all the measurement

and the machines and the design that goes into it, and you're like, ah, that's a fair price. I take it back. Yeah. Here's a criminal in Atlanta. I want to watch how it's made. This cute, this,

uh, pretty attractive young lady here. She says, uh, that that meth that they found in her vagina is not hers. I trust her. A Louisiana woman allegedly caught with meth, uh,

hidden inside her vagina said that she didn't know where those drugs came from. Uh, Ashley, who's 23 was accused of stealing five grand from the apartment of a man that she'd been staying with for about a week. According to the documents published... She used one eye trying to run away from the other. Oh, they're not that bad, are they? She looks okay. No, it was just the only physical flaw.

Yeah, she's cute. Yeah, she's cute. She is. She's cute i i live in a glass house so let me say if you were to take a hundred women like and this is random women you know the ones you see at the movie theater not not college kids not her age is a hundred women overall how many would be better looking than her five yeah maybe maybe maybe five to five to ten yeah i don't know maybe yeah less than ten more than five somewhere in there yeah i would say five to

ten percent and we're just seeing like her head here like and and this is a mug shot right she's not at her best here she just robbed a man and she instuffed some some meth in her pussy this is not her best day wait she robbed a man too yeah yeah she she that's how they she got caught she uh she waited this dude who she'd been staying with got in the shower and she grabbed like five grand and bolted and then he called the cops and said this bitch just robbed me and they arrested her and then they discovered a gram of methamphetamine in her vagina man it might be the meth that kept her thin and hot though she might be like a before picture because i i would argue that methamphetamine a lot of these doesn't work for everyone methamphetamine makes you better looking before they make you worse right the first thing that

happens a little weight loss i like it i need a mild addiction that that's a cute girl yeah yeah i i mean wish i was free i go bill let's let young lady out she's here in atlanta somewhere she needs a friend yeah she needs a friend i'll just lock the valuables away and she can come stay with me i got 12 hours to have a good time you in it's about right it's about right that's about right that's also funny it's like yeah just show up to prison noonish does that work for you

I mean that's fair I don't want to get there at the crack of dawn Jesus let me have some breakfast first let me stretch my legs so there's no way to know if you can get out early like it's a total play it by ear. No, like,

like, you know, when you'll, you know, like, um, I, I had,

uh, I sent an email off to the lawyer, uh, yesterday, so I'm sure he'll get back to, uh, Kitty, uh,

to tomorrow or sometime and then she'll let me know. Or maybe I can like, maybe there'll be some sort of, uh, there's some sort of processing I'm going through tomorrow where like i get coated in and everything and they get my tracking collar on and they inject that thing in my neck that globally positions me and everything plissken had one oh that exploding collar like from that one movie where they put him on the island new york or something ah that's a different movie but i like it it as well. Exploding Color, where they put him on an island?

No, so with Snake Plissken, they injected him with a virus that was going to kill him in like 24 or 48 hours. That was the plot of Escape from New York and Escape from LA. Not a very good sequel. It's somehow worse. It's much, much, much worse.

Kurt Russell's a lot older, and it just doesn't work. Escape from New York is gritty and fun. Not so much LA. But there's this other movie where these guys are on an island, and it's like where they put prisoners to just fucking go. Let me see. Prison on Island movie.

Guantanamo, Alcatraz. I think it's called No Escape is the first thing that popped up Yep, No Escape, it's called No Escape A soldier convicted of murdering his commanding officer Is dumped and then left to die on a prison island Inhabited by two camps of convicts One camp, it seems to be like People who

Want to coexist and have sort of a Utopia kind of going on It's sort of medieval times a little bit Because they don't have a lot of tech But the other camp, they're like fucking warrior cannibal type people and they live in opposition with one another and uh it's it's it's it i don't know i haven't seen a long time i can't be a good judge of how how if it's good or not but i always liked it when it would come on if i was in a cannibal tribe on an island and i found out there was another tribe

that had figured out how to eat things that are not dead people, I'd be like, I'm, I'm switching teams. Like I want to eat pork again. I want to eat berries, like having to kill people and eat them. That's,

it's kind of gross guys. Can we admit it? I feel like that would, that'd solve itself. You know, cannibalism like is a response to, that's why it's always in those post-apocalyptic things. It's like,

we got nothing to eat other than people. I'm listening to an audio book right now that happens in a post-apocalyptic things it's like we got nothing to eat other than people i'm listening to an audiobook right now that happens in a post apocalyptic thing there's no zombies but like 99 of the population died for reasons i don't know yet and these guys were killing horses to eat them and everyone just seems to agree that they're horrible they're horse killers we need to kill the horse killers. They can't be left to live. They're out of bounds in this activity. And I'm like, damn, I'd be a horse killer. Yeah.

Unless I bare hands before I eat a person. That's how you get that brain thing. Yeah, why are you getting so worked up about horse killing? Yeah, who cares? I'd like to eat a horse just to upset that person. I've had horse. Is it good? It was in salami. There's horse in some kinds of salami.

So I mean, it just tasted like salami, you know, salty and porky and meaty. Delicious. Delicious, you know. Cut it into some little coins and get a little nice fancy cheese and some Ritz crackers and a little wine. Is there any kind of animal you guys wouldn't eat?

I'm trying to think. I mean, I'm opposed. That's the first one that comes into my head. People is not the first for me. I'm opposed to eating dogs and cats. And I would rather not eat rodents of any kind um we were planning to eat squirrel when we were on that survival trip that didn't pan out so

well kyle tells me that many pigs are dangerous they are they have um you have to cook them well they are they have a lot of parasites in them you got to really cook the meat well but then like if you think about it you're just eating the cooked parasites at that point it's not like it's not like cooking parasites makes them go away now you're just eating cooked parasites that are definitely still in there that's that's kind of gross to me personally they're dead yeah but you're eating like like some sort of weird worm that lives inside of a pig. You just cooked it well. It just helps your immune system, probably. I don't know.

No, it doesn't do that because you cooked them. I don't think your immune system and parasites go together. It's not a virus, right? I'm thinking tapeworms. Your immune doesn't build up a good tapeworm. Oh, you're definitely right. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Patreon, AMA question. I don't know that I'm definitely right yeah yeah all right a uh patreon ama question i don't know that i'm definitely right i'm just guessing are there any musicians you wish you could go back in time to see in concert they could be out of their prime or dead elvis because like he was the first guy who had just like soaked panties everywhere and think of how horny nice you know you're you're a 17 year old guy and there's a 17 year old gal over there and and you're at the elvis concert and she's been splooshing for 40 minutes oh she's amped up ready to go because of that elvis show but isn't it harder

to get laid back then i bet that i bet everybody i just feel like in olden times, I feel like hygiene has only really stepped its game up in the last 30 years. I feel like pussy stunk for all of eternity until like 35 years ago. I strongly believe that. First of all, everybody had those big hairy bushes, which are not conducive to a pleasant pleasant smell they're just hanging on to all sorts of stuff all sorts of drippage and liquids and at best case scenario that's a urine soaked

muff that she's got down there smothered in some thick cotton panties and like four more layers of victorian undergarment right and a big ruffled skirt. Just so stinky down there. And I'm skipping over that whole part. I'm joking about the Victorian thing because if you go back that far, those bitches weren't even washing at all. Nobody was. Not every day. And not just their pussies. Not everything. They were just like,

oh yeah, you take a bath every day? Like when we came over here and we saw the Indians bathing every day, they were like, what are they thinking? they're getting all wet ew 69 was like totally untenable until like 1994 they invented vicks vapor rub for for doggy style sex back then that's that's all it's all all right let's go yeah i'm fine yeah yeah i'm coming down with a cold just bend over just give me some more yeah you're gonna want some too trust me this is gonna get rough in a minute yeah pussy probably well and ass everything think about eating ass in 19

in 1860 when did they they come up with deodorant that actually worked? Deodorant is super effective. In no way, it's 2000. Let me look that up. I'm genuinely curious now. When was deodorant? My whole life.

People were fucking rubbing honey and ginger stems on themselves until 30 years ago. All right. Well, this says... I love our total... you guys have a total i'm like i don't come 90s which is 20 some years ago women were shaving their pussies and come 80s i didn't really have any good access to pussy so that's as far back as my knowledge goes yeah i'm looking at this and it in 1888 they came up with some sort of a a paste imagine that let's get your fucking underarm paste

is it that weird though because so my opinion there's two kinds of like deodorant antiperspirant if it goes on smooth and kind of like a gel if it's clear it's not fully effective you need that you need the white stuff and just about any of the white bars get it done in my opinion i use the clear but i don't like the clear where you roll it and it like forces gel through holes and it's literally like like like, like gooey. Like I use the solid clear. The solid bar of clear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

How it's made. Yeah. I use that. And I've been using that since I was like 15 or whenever I started using deodorant and it's excellent and it works very well. And I never smell. I can go without showering for like, it's like the third day before I start cement.

I used speed stick, which is what you're talking about. At least it fits the classification that you're talking about and then it's a bar that goes up kind of like a big chapstick yeah and uh it i don't i think i need the white stuff i'm a i'm a white stuff guy that's what it takes to hold it back. I am too. No colored deodorant here! My girlfriend got me the deodorant that doesn't have antiperspirant in it. Oh my god.

Because she wasn't thinking. And she had a scent and I put it on and it encouraged sweating again. Two hours in that day And I was not smelling. Mine was like, so my bar had ran out and I didn't realize we had like eight more in the closet,

but I put on the speed stick, the chapstick sort of variety and it smelled great. I'm walking around like a peacock to the living room. Like I bet I smell like cool breeze or whatever. I don't know what a cool breeze smells like, but I smell like winter. And then a few minutes later, it's like,

ah, damn it. This is not working. Just as bad as deodorant. When did they invent toothpaste? Cause that shit must've been rough before. Yeah. I think that came along even earlier,

but, but you can like, you can clean your own teeth pretty well with just a cloth, right? Like, especially if you get like something a little bit abrasive, but you can clean your own teeth pretty well with just a cloth. Right? Especially if you get something a little bit abrasive. You can keep those things pretty clean without fluoride and actual toothpaste. Did they use cloth?

All you need is baking soda. That's it. A little baking soda and maybe you just put a little thimble of cloth on your finger. You don't need a toothbrush. Rinse and baking soda and you're all good to go. Did people take it seriously back then like were they brushing their teeth twice a day no no there's no way they were but i want to focus on the smelly pussies because you're talking about you'd like to go back in time to this elvis concert and i'm saying it smells like fish market

at high noon that can't be true you ain't nothing but a hound dog. God damn it stinks. I didn't think of getting laid. That's why he sounds like that. I gotta breathe through my mouth cause I can't get enough of you. I wanted to see a concert though.

Queen was the one that popped into my head. Little Freddie Mercury killing it. Alright. I was thinking of what was that black fellow that was really good at playing the guitar Whose name is escaping me right now Chuck Berry Nope Jimi Hendrix

Jimi Hendrix yeah I think I'd like to I'd like a Jimi Hendrix concert That'd be pretty cool I watch a lot of him on YouTube, it's cool. And he played upside down, right? Yeah, he was left-handed, so he took a normal guitar and just flipped it upside down, I think. I think it'd be cool to go back to, like,

whatever time Mozart was in and see how good he really was, you know? I bet he was probably pretty great. The man was a composer. He didn't play an instrument. Beethoven, then? Didn't Beethoven play, too? They're all composers.

Well, they're not... No, Mozart played the piano. I think Beethoven played his stuff, too. I think they composed for, like, symphonies and stuff, though. If Mozart didn't play the piano, I am beyond. I'm sure they played the piano.

They had to have musical knowledge. But I don't know if Mozart was the best piano player as much as he was probably one of the better composers for music. I don't know. I've got some record of some of these guys. I probably want to not go back hundreds of years, maybe just 30. If you go back to 1770 you will encounter some stinky pussy so much stinky pussy yeah oh well that's honestly let's just keep it in this century yeah this century kind of just started pussies have ever been it is this century

though is only 20 years in like a lot of these guys can still play. Yes, that's true. I want to go back and see Usher. Wait a goddamn minute! I mean like circa 2014 Usher. I want to see Justin Bieber. Yeah, I want to see the Biebs.

I'm going to go with Usher is your answer it's my favorite usually with time travel I'm like no I don't want to go back for any right now is the best time to live that there's ever ever been there was no other time

it's always true tomorrow is better than today 10 years from now will be better than right now at some point it's going to drop off i wouldn't say it's better to straight okay great depression i mean depending on who you are and what your living conditions are now if you're affected by the great depression of course that was definitely a dip in the quality of life for sure for sure for sure but it you know you came right back out of it things were even better pussies are the cleanest they've ever been and I intend to improve it even more.

Women are the ultimate means of production and I mean to share them with all of my friends and family. It's the Epstein plank in his platform. So when Trump was grabbing them by the pussy, he was just seizing the means of production. He is the

true socialist yeah commie yeah i don't care for trump but that was pretty alpha shit like giving concessions i'm gonna have to watch that episode i bet it's like he's probably not very jokey or funny like he's probably taking it real serious i'm half an hour in and there have not been any jokes. It's been very serious. There's been discussion of minimum wage, tax havens,

pharmaceutical companies, the debate structure and how he dislikes that. Stuff like that. They've been keeping it very professional. very professional. Very professional. What's pretty cool for Joe Rogan, getting

multiple presidential candidates on his show. Yeah, it is. I'd love to see Trump get on there next. He should. That would be so... Do you know what would happen afterwards? Trump would brag, and he'd be right that he got

the most views on jerry's youtube videos yeah there's a lot of views on all these videos but look at mine it's 10 times as much yeah that loser birdie you know stays for one hour i stay for four hours until joe has to ask me to leave i do that because this podcast is four hours. That's what feels normal to me. When I hop on other people's podcasts and they want to wrap up after an hour, I don't let them.

What do you mean? We're just warming up here. One hour in? That's bullshit. Don't you guys want to keep going live stream? We are definitely of much longer form. Yes. Man, if Trump got on there there that would be so good the happiest fondest memory of your career be it youtube or not uh of the youth career memory i kind of was interested in tailors.

Was it maybe getting hired for one of your better jobs? Some sort of victory? It'd probably be like. Presentation went well? The first times I went to genuinely huge retailers on behalf of clients and being nervous and realizing. I can't put my finger on one. Probably the first or second time I went to like Walmart corporate or whatever the hell.

And like, just being nervous and being like, this is like one of the biggest companies on earth, you know, whether it's CVS or whoever. And then like going in and doing really well. If I do say so myself and being like, shit,

I'm like a real adult. Who's genuinely fucking good at this. Like I, that's kind of an eyeopening thing as far as it helps with confidence makes you want to work harder and everything and uh as far as the youtube thing probably the paintball trip of all the youtube memories that was a lot of fun like the getting to meet everybody i really liked the paintball trips uh like a couple of them particularly like what i probably went on five um i like my i mean i enjoyed hanging with you

guys and everything but my first one where it was just me that might be one of my favorite like memories at all that was really cool because uh i don't know i got to do a lot of interesting stuff and got to hang out with those guys and you know there weren't as many people to look after it was just me so uh you know uh it was that that was really fun um i liked that trip a lot that was a lot of fun i enjoyed that do you have a memory from your your car days that stands out or a really fun one um oh no you know it was just they're you, making a lot of money on a sale, like finally getting a deal done or something.

Like we were there all night one night trying to get this guy approved to buy this Mustang Cobra that he could, we're having a hard time getting him financed on it, but he'd agreed to pay full price for it. And the relief of finally getting somebody to be like, yeah, we'll give you $40,000 for that used Mustang on this guy's credit it was just like fucking we won we won we won i've got two in my head uh for the youtube one the airsoft one comes to mind i was by myself and i was really nervous that it wouldn't go well because i like i'm supposed to pull a crowd to this airsoft event. They had

a booth set up for me to like talk to people who came to see me. And I'm like, no one's going to come to see me. Like nobody in the world is going to come to see me. It was in a lightly populated area in California. So people would have had to driven from a long way. You need to buy your own equipment. Like there were no rentals there. So that was like a barrier to entry. And it turned out really great. Like the booth was busy all day long. There were tons of people.

It was the right amount of people, you know, enough that you could give guys attention. My wife and kids were there and Heather and Colin was like dancing with subscribers. He was into dancing at the time. And he just grabbed a dude's hand and start showing him moves. And I don't know, it might sound silly, but it was an experience that everybody wanted, right? Everyone loves Colin. Yeah.

So that was a big win. And then the airsoft itself was way more fun than I thought it was going to be. Yeah, so that was probably one of my favorite YouTube memories. A Cisco one. I worked with this asshole. and I was leading a team that was building these tools. And anyway, he like, like ratted me out that I was way behind schedule on the project. I really wasn't. We had like all these fundamentals done, but we hadn't like built

the presentation layer on top of it. And I guess he talked to some managers and had them ask for a demonstration by my team and I. So we just kind of hustled for the next five days or so, got ready for the presentation, knocked it out of the park. It was a home run. They were so happy with how things worked. It was a really useful tool. And two things happened. My team and I all got bonuses,

and this guy looked like an asshole. And that was everything I wanted. Nice. So that was really cool. That's a good one. Oh, the other thing I'm going to miss while I'm away. Khabib Nurmagomedov is fighting Justin Poirier. That's a good one.

Yeah. That's a really good one. I don't know who's a really good one i don't know who's gonna win i don't know who's gonna win either yeah dustin beats him connor comes back beats dustin then connor won't fight khabib does he want your belt back don't you oh my tongue's a bit sore it's funny how you like the heels but i don't think i do i love it. Connor's on the downswing. Sure. He's got to do something. I guess I'm saying career-wise, I think we've seen the best Connor. To me, it's a little like predicting that Eddie Alvarez come back

and get the belt. Oh, it's not that bad. Robbie Lawler's not going to come back and get the belt. He's just... He's lighter. No, he's the same weight. I take that back. Eddie's going down to Bantamweight who is eddie alvarez he didn't just read that or was that frankie edgar who which one of them was going to drop down to like sounds more like frankie edgar yeah but um uh anyway yeah i just think that connor's peaked and and look it was a brilliant peak i think he was the first two-time champ,

like two belts at the same time. At the same time, for sure. And, you know, he just kept winning. And when you look at the run he had, it aged really well. Like beating Max Holloway, Dustin Poirier, Dennis Seaver, Jose Aldo, I mean to say, Eddie Alvarez.

He beat some really great fighters. And so super impressive. But I don't think he's going to get a belt again. I think he very easily could because they'll give him the shot. Getting the shot is the hardest part about getting the belt, in my opinion. Like getting there, getting to the show. Because once you're there in that sport, sometimes it comes down to a coin flip he's just got to hit him once yeah it takes like four wins to get a shot and only one not for him yeah he's yeah but he's got

like he's got some sort he's got like a cheat code where he can like skip right to the championship match he does yeah yeah and he earned it through because he works harder outside the cage than other people do. I feel like, one, he has like a God-given talent to kind of pimp a fight. But two, he's trying. You know, he's on Instagram saying, man, I hope that someday I fight in this soccer stadium thing. He's on Instagram saying, look at me, look at me, look at me.

While everyone else doesn't do that. They only do media on fight week. Yeah, they're not as, they're not, he's the master of self-promotion for for sure um he's better at it than anyone uh it doesn't help hurt that he's a great looking guy you know he's got a cool persona uh he's got a cool accent i wonder where the truth is on his money because for people that don't know anything about conor mcgregor part of his thing is i'm rich look at, the fur coats and the cars and this and that. And I wonder how rich is he, right?

Most fighters act like they don't get paid for every fight. And then you find out later, like, dude, you made $8 million? Like, how are you fussing? With Conor, he tells people he made $100 million. And I think that wasn't actually true. I think he's exaggerating it rather than underplaying it but i don't know i wonder what his truth is celebrity net worth says he's worth 110 million yeah that's a lot i mean just the endorsements you know like like um got that proper 12 company

that's a big part of it i don't know where i mean i heard he made 100 million off the mayweather fight 85 is what they're saying yeah okay yeah so that's a big piece of it that's a ton of money yeah yeah it's uh it's a lot of money and like like that liquor is selling pretty well too you know it's it's really really was is it still selling well i don't know i don't know but i think you know it's bottom shelf liquor and amongst the bottom still so the shelf later to me uh you got like three grades of alcohol and it's sort of the lower tier of alcohol so it but for its price point it's pretty good oh okay i was under the impression that it was that it competes with jameson like he says uh yeah i get my information from connor himself well if you like james then

probably i think jameson's disgusting i i don't like that stuff anywhere but yeah i i i mean i don't think his liquor's good because i don't like that kind of liquor i don't like liquor at all i want to i want something to make that liquor taste better how many times have you tried it like did you mix it with something no i wanted to taste it did you own the bottle or just taste it i bought a bottle oh okay so you had all you wanted you put maybe a whole glass or something it was was it literally one swallow and you said never again i mean i've done that with a few different things like like i've had some very expensive bottles that i end up being like, well, this turned out not to be for me.

Who wants some of this? And, you know, just giving it to one of Kitty's friends or something like that. Okay. Jack Daniels is like that for me. That shit tastes horrible. It looks neat, though. You ever see Man on Fire? It does look cool.

No. Man on Fire with Denzel. Denzel Washington is like an alcoholic in that movie, and he's sitting there. There's a scene where he's sitting there and he's playing that song uh blue bayou i'm going back someday won't you stay on blue bayou and he's like doing this little trick with his gun where he like loads it real quick and then ejects the shell and he catches the bullet before in the air and uh he's drinking so much jack he's just keep everything he does that pours more jack does that pours more jack and by the end he like misses the bullet before in the air and uh he's drinking so much jack he's just keep everything he does that pours more jack does that pours more jack and by the end he like misses the bullet you know he's so drunk he's he's lost his edge or whatever and i was watching that movie and you know i watched the whole movie it's like this fucking cool i want some jack daniels denzel makes it

look like it's delicious i went to the store and i got a big fucking fifth of Jack Daniels. And I was like, it even looks cool. And I poured myself a little glass and I went. Like my mouth is under the sink washing the taste of the Jack Daniels out. And I just went, Scott, would you like a bottle of Jack Daniels? He's like, what's wrong with it? I was like, I don't know. Whatever they put in it. Trouble with this one is it tastes like Jack Daniels. Yeah, that's the main issue.

And then I had a bottle of Glenfiddich. If you spin it in the glass, there's almost like a residue that's left behind. It's syrupy thick. I've had some Macallan that I didn't care for. I've had Glenfiddich. I try to like, because that's Tony Soprano's drink. He likes Glenfiddich. And it's not a fan of that. it is what are you a fan of absolutely um i really enjoy uh tito's vodka um i think there's a vodka called smithworks vodka which is like a

cheaper version of tito's but i just stick with titito's. Tequila too, right? Yeah, I like expensive tequilas. In the sort of $70 to $120 price range, somewhere in there. How much? Not a ton. I don't know how to ask how much $70 is.

You get either a 500ml, about 750ml. That's like a full bottle. so you would drink maybe half of that in a drinking episode oof if you're going hard as fuck yeah well I mean there was that one drinking episode where I drank a whole fucking fifth oh my god that was awful

you even spilled over into a different fifth yeah I did that was a moment of champions that was disgusting but normal drinking, that bottle's going to last a couple of weeks or something like that, because I'm just pouring a few shots of it.

I get out the lime and the salt and everything, and I can experience that of it. But Cenote, C-E-N-O-T-E, that's probably my favorite so far. That's the one that comes... Yeah, it looks like, you know, I think it's pretty sure it's pronounced cenote.

It's the one that comes in that really fancy bottle. That's got like that brass egg goblet type stopper in the top. And the bottles got like a beautiful waterfall on the front. And it's like this, it's not smooth glass. It's beveled. It's like this beveled light blue color i don't know i i like the bottles half the experience for me but it tastes quite good too

there's that one kind of vodka that uh or not vodka tequila that like 1800 1700 something 1800 yeah yeah the top is a shot glass and you're supposed to be able to turn the bottle upside down with the cap on there and have it fill up. And then it's like, then you flip it back around and it's like, ah, remove the cap. But I just got a,

a shot poured to put in my drink or whatever. And I must be retarded because all it made me do is spill tequila all over the place, just all over my counter, messed it up. So, and also it wasn't good like yeah i found it like ever since you gave the advice for you like it's not about the tequila how expensive

it is it's about making sure it's 100 agave it's a big part i just pick the like i rarely buy hard alcohol but when i get tequila like i'll just pick the cheapest one that says a hundred percent agave and it's all good. Like, yeah, it's fine. Um, that's a no taste stuff. I mean, like when you, even when you sip it straight,

it's like, this doesn't have like an overwhelming alcohol taste. It has a tequila taste, which is very different. It's, it's a taste that I actually like, look, I'd rather have a Coke, a Coca-Cola,

right? Like nothing tastes better than a fucking coca-cola or like some sweet tea or even like like any of the sugary sodas like they're delicious you don't compare it to that but amongst alcohols like take a sip of some fucking absolute vodka and then take a sip of that cenote tequila and you're gonna be like i'll stick with the tequila dear god what was that other shit vodka Vodka's disgusting to me, straight. I cannot tell the difference between any kind of vodka and any other kind of vodka I've ever tried in my life,

unless it's the bottom of the bottom shelf. It all is about how cold it is to me. You know what's good that I can't buy? Cold's important. Moonshine. I've had moonshine that tastes like apple pie, and it's deceptceptively tasty they warned me and they were right they were like Woody careful this tastes good and it will get you fucked up

so don't go drinking it like it's sweet tea because you could drink a whole glass of it and yeah ruin yourself it depends how they're making the moonshine so there's a couple different things going on there there what you can take Bacardi. You can take the most powerful alcohol that you can lay your hands on. It's just like clear liquor, which is usually Bacardi 151. It's 151 proof. We're ever clear.

75.5% alcohol by volume. Really high. Legitimate moonshine is close to 200 proof. We're talking about going from 75% alcohol to 95% alcohol. It's like going from regular old marijuana over here

to some delicious shatter over here that you're burning through a big, tall, daddy rig with some butane. That's how I do it. Sounds cool. I know some of these words yeah well your big daddy rig and uh and your quartz bubbler um but uh it's a big difference and and but but but then there's

people to get that they're making it themselves you know if they're actually using a still and like making their own alcohol that's what i think of as moonshine. That stuff that I mailed you that time, I want to say I used Bacardi 151 or something. I don't recall exactly, but you can make that shit. All they're doing is throwing cinnamon sticks and brown sugar. They're just adding sugar to alcohol until it tastes good.

Cinnamon sticks and apple. It looked clear, but I don't know how it was made. He brought it to a campfire. Yeah, he probably used white sugar and cinnamon sticks and uh and maybe like apple liqueur or something no i my my shit was brown i was using like i found a recipe online and you you basically boil uh your alcohol in a pot and you're adding like lots of brown sugar and like whole cinnamon sticks and you're you're getting it all like uh emulsified isn't the correct word because we're not it's liquid

turned into a solution and then you're good to go because it'll stay in solution. Well it tasted pretty good. Yeah maybe a new recipe but I'd love to do a Kyle's Best Effort Drinking episode again. I think that adds to the fun. I feel like it may be a crime for me to mail alcohol

across borders or something like that. That's actually never happened. I think I remember driving down last time. That's what happened. Yeah, you drove a little 10-hour drive to pick up a little booze from Kyle's house. It's the extra step that we do here. You

whipped it by my place real quick one afternoon. Turned right around. Had to do the show that night. Had to get back. 26 hour trip. That shit was way too fucking sweet. And not nearly strong enough.

It should have been half as much sugar. Twice as much alcohol or something. It was like syrup. That was disgusting. You probably would go further to find your perfect than mine, but it was even too sweet for me. Yeah, I'm going to gag thinking about drinking

that alcohol syrup that we imbibed that night. Especially if I go another step further and imagine... If I imagine Woody then drinking half a bottle of warm, white wine. Warm, white wine, warm,

quite wine. I remember that. Yeah, that's a no, that's a no go. By the way, you want that shit chilled. You know, I was pretty fucked up when I decided that idea was a good one.

Oh, I'm going to gag. Yeah. We had a sponsor. I forget who it was who sent us wine and I ran out of alcohol. So, uh, you know wine is something i want

to like more because i feel like that's what fancy men do they like wines and scotches and like when i'm offered wine it's taylor's i almost always go maybe i don't know but i'll either like take like i usually just opt for beer because i feel like nobody's judging you you're just like yeah i'll do that that's simple easy sure but if they're like what kind of wine would you like or when they hand me a wine list it's like first of all this is in fucking french and like what if i accidentally picked the wrong one none of them taste good also like they suck. Wine sucks. Especially that really, really sweet pink and white kind.

Oh, of course. Make your teeth hurt. I like, I don't know. Once you're drunk, it all tastes good. I've got a Patreon AMA question. Not feeling well. Any general advice on how to secure a good promotion or raise would be great. I feel like I know the answer to this one.

You do take it away. This is what I did. And it took me a little while to figure it out. Have a conversation with your manager about getting promoted. Tell him you see yourself in the next level, whatever it is that you're targeting. And he probably won't like this conversation, but fuck him.

This is about you getting what you deserve. So if he doesn't think you're ready for that next position, find out what boxes you need to check, right? And try to get this kind of nailed down. What are you looking for? Are you looking for someone who creates an idea and then follows through and brings it into fruition? Are you looking for a guy who leads other people?

Whatever this thing that he wants is, in the next six months, do that. Circle back and explain to him that now he's out of excuses. That is how I got raises and promotions. That's really good advice. I don't think I can improve on that at all. Oh, okay. All right.

Well, anyway, that's what I would do. I would try to get... You might not get super concrete stuff, but yeah. Get what the difference between you and the next level up is. Check those boxes. And then he should be out of excuses. And now we're measuring him on his ability to get you promoted. Conor McGregor has sold 200,000 cases of his liquor.

Good for him. I wonder how big a case is. I think it's six or eight bottles. Well, I'm sure Ireland is doing nothing but guzzle on that stuff, right? They love him so much. They make Jameson too, right? Yeah.

They must split their love. Like if The Rock came out with a vodka, everyone here would be like, well, of course I'm drinking Rock Ultimate. I'm an American. He's American, isn't he? Yeah. He's from Hawaii, I think.

He's not. I think his father was Samoan. Yeah, but even his father was American, I think. He's got all those Samoan tattoos. I just assumed. Yeah, I think he just got that Samoan. Aren't the Samoan islands in American territory? Aren't they the American Samoas?

That sounds like a thing I've heard. I have no idea. And their Girl Scout cookies are so good. Huh. Those are pretty good. I like the Samoa ones. The most overrated are the Thin Mint. Taylor has a rant that i have reused uh when taylor's not around as if it were my own about how girl scout cookies are not that good and would never be able to compete on the open

market without their charity benefit that's true it's true you think the people in the no double stuffuffed Oreo has ever had an ounce of fear at the sight of a girl's cake. Because it's like, I'm winning year-round, bitch. Always I'm winning. When you're not around, this is the shit that I say.

We tell Taylor jerks. I think they're my favorite cookies. The Samoa. I love the Samoa. I like coconut a lot. Wait, which one of the samoa oh i'm thinking of a different one it's like the graham cracker cookie that's in an o and then it's like covered in coconut like toasted coconut and caramel and then drizzled with chocolate a um i like the ones i don't know what it'd be like wafer with peanut butter in the middle and the reason is i think yeah possibly but i don't remember it being called that,

but maybe, but I highly value how well a cookie performs while dipped in milk. I wanted to absorb a lot of milk without breaking and like falling to the bottom of the glass. And those do well there. Okay. Yeah. Tier list. Tree foils should be a sin to serve to anyone.

Savannah smiles. Terrible. Girl Scout s'mores. Haven't tried them. To serve to anyone. Savannah smiles terrible. Girl Scouts s'mores haven't tried them. Toffee-tastic never tried them, no. Do-si-dos, trash. Samoas, not my thing because it's too much coconut. Thin mints suck.

Tag alongs, pretty good. That's the peanut butter patty one. And that's just because they saw the genius that Mr. Reese's invented in the late 1700s. Another cookie thing. People who call it Reese's Pieces. It doesn't change the way Pieces is said.

How's it spelled? Pieces. It's like R-E-E-S-E. You wouldn't say, like, hi, Mr. Reese. You'd say, hi, Mr. Reese. It's not even Reeseys. Yeah, it's not Reeseys, and it's not PCs, you dumb fuck. And it's not Marty Dome.

Marty Dome. Yeah, it's not Marty. God, I remember I was like six years old and had an indescribable dislike of this girl in my first grade class because she would bring Reeseys PCs all the time and she would always call them Reese's PCs and I remember like it was one of the first times in my life I'm like god I fucking hate you I don't know why I'm admitting to this but I think they were just always called Reese's PCs in my in my area of the country like I want to say if they did one of those

little heat maps where they say sneakers or tennis shoes or whatever, I just feel like my whole school said that. Elementary school, of course. That's when E.T. was out. Reese's. I don't like that candy anyway.

Yeah, they suck. The real Reese's are the good ones. I made chocolate chip cookies a couple nights ago. There was a Reese's pieces. I don't like that candy anyway. Yeah, they suck. The real Reese's are the good ones. Yeah, I made chocolate chip cookies a couple nights ago. There was a pack of Reese's that had just been in a shelf for months. I threw it in the freezer, waited until they were frozen like a rock, and I cut them

into quarters, the peanut butter cups. I put those quarters inside the chocolate chip cookie. Then I baked them, and I got a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie. It was amazing. You're like a diabetes mad scientist. My teeth hurt so much after I had to go brush them. Sign of a good cookie.

That's how you know a snack is good. When half an hour later, you're like, man, I could feel the bacteria all over my mouth. It was rough. These whole shebang potato chips. When they arrived all broken i was like did not live up to the hype this is bullshit like i was not on board all night long i've been like they're sitting right there next to me this is a mistake at least one little bag you'll have to order more no that'd be a mistake too

what also they were super expensive were they like twelve dollars kyle twelve dollars so sometimes Well, at least it's only one little bag. You'll have to order more. No, that'd be a mistake too. Also, they were super expensive. Were they like $12, Kyle? $12. So sometimes when you order stuff on the internet, you don't know what the size is, but the price is a bit of a giveaway. Like $12, oh, I must be ordering like one of those cases that moms hand out at soccer games.

No, it was just a bag, a $12 bag of potato chips. You got screwed. You should get a wheelbar just a bag. A $12 bag of potato chips? You got screwed. You should get a wheelbarrow full of chips for $12. That's right. Do you know how many potatoes you can buy for $12? At least two. It's 10 pounds. You can buy over 10 pounds of potatoes for that much. Do you guys ever do that?

Where people will ask you, like, guess how much this costs? And you intentionally way overdo it or way underdo it i hate when you do that i always try to get it right but just by asking the question you're giving me a hint like hey woody guess how much this shirt was all right in my head i'm thinking that's a 25 shirt but the fact that you're asking me makes me want to guess $5 because you wouldn't ask me if it was a normal price.

Yeah, at least $4, dude. It's like, well... It was $14.99. I got a great deal on this card. Guess how much I saved. $30,000, $40,000? Yes. $1,000.

I saved $1,000. I bet you didn't pay more than 700 for this automobile fuck you guess how old she is 48 fuck you she's right here she's 22 what a lovely middle-aged lady you found bertha or ethel or oh gertrude we call her trudy dude what's funny karen has become like synonymous with old lady complaining to the manager yeah karen was a common name in my like like they're talking about my peers when they say care care that's not a common name anymore like there's not a lot of

22 year olds named karen no no names are cyclical now they got people named daenerys which oh they should have held off on that until the last episode and khaleesi which is embarrassing dude i remember i bought shit for the longest time because I'd be like mom dad why did you name me a girl name like why did you name me Taylor and they're like back in the day Taylor was a boy's name it's only recently and I've bought that for a long time and then I was like wait a minute all the people named Taylor my age are girls. That they have been fibbing to me the whole time. And so, you know, it was a sobering day when you realized that.

Well, my name has become synonymous with Red Bull and punching walls. Monster. I'm sorry, monster. Getting all tanked up on monster energy and fucking punching sheetrock. God damn it! We're a cool group of people the kyle's all right god damn it professional race car drivers and and uh monster energy lovers dude so i have had punching aficionados i've had i guess like a low-key desire to get a tattoo for like 15 years now.

I don't have a tattoo. And every idea I've had thus far has been stupid because it's not my current idea. I don't sit there and be like, yeah, if I had gotten the YouTube logo, that would have been one I always valued. Like, no. After my little near- experience Last week I had this Not today idea But I'm like is it Game of Thrones gay now I think that

I want you to get that tattoo Just so that somebody can make the video Clip where you're like look Not today and then it's like North Carolina YouTuber Crashed into a semi truck going 80 miles per hour on the interstate today. There was nothing left.

And then they play the Curb Your Enthusiasm. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I don't like that at all. This particular one, the sword seems to go through the two O's. I don't know. It's a little confusing to me. But I've seen variants of this. Oh, they fucked it up.

They fucked it up. You're right. Look at it. Why is it not through the D? I don't know. Why don't they ship the today over it's wrong they fucked that up is that supposed to be the sword i'm not that's the sword going through the oh yeah uh so anyway i had this idea like what do we tell the god of death not today like god this is this is brilliant but it's kind of wearing off is not that brilliant anymore

yeah i'm gonna get one that says we do not know and it's just a picture of me losing in four moves and yeah i just never cared about anything um enough that i thought i wanted to make a like a life decision where this should be on me i think that it shouldn't be words or dates um or people's faces that that you fucking know yeah that's creepy to me but some of those some of those colorful japanese style tattoos that are like maybe on like you know from your collar down to your chest and maybe your shoulder and arm they're like really colorful like bright blues and yellows and greens and shit like that. Those do look attractive to me,

but then you worry about that fading in like five years, 10 years, 15 years. What's in my, I have to get this touched up. What if I can't find that same guy? What if I go to get a beautiful tattoo touched up and they fucking ruin it. And then that's the other thing.

What if they fuck up the tattoo from the start? And then they go, Oh, we'll just cover that up with, Oh God, no. And that would be as a stroke while he's tatting me up i these are real fears and possibilities in my head if you get a big tattoo you need a really good body right like

like anyone can have a little one whatever that is but if you're gonna get like wings on your back or like a whole like shoulder to chest kind of thing going on there you need to be thin and strong i see the there's a a tattooed girl subreddit or something that may not be where i found these pictures but they're these like fat hog women who get tattoos and they want to show those fucking things off it's like you have a fupa like like you you have like a gut that hides your whole pussy and and yet your body art should not be this is like hanging fucking beautiful chandelier in the middle of a trailer that's falling apart like like like you literally walked into your trailer that that ricky just burned down and was like oh i think i'm ming vase over there boys no jesus ricky i like the

mona lisa but putting in the a porta potty doesn't seem very cultured. It's like, no, let's work on the infrastructure before we start fucking painting the walls. Yeah, that's true. It's unfortunate because not everyone has a choice, but I also feel like

if you shave your head bald, it's way nicer if you're buff. Yeah. You're going to be like Jason Statham. Someone who's way nicer if you're buff. Yeah. You're going to be like Jason Statham. Someone who's at least as fit as him. That's a tough bar. I know. This goes back to Taylor thinking he could beat up Jason Statham

and then us having to link the taekwondo master, former professional gymnast slash Olympic diver or some shit, Jason Statham, while he's doing backflips and Bruce Lee shit and kicking bottle caps. I remember after you linked to that, I'm like, yeah, Jason Statham would eat my lunch. He'd steal my lunch money. He'd beat my ass. He looks like Wolverine.

He does look really good. You know, he's a cutie. He really makes that work for him. Yeah, Chiz linked that thing earlier. Apparently The Rock and Jason Statham have contracts that disallow them from ever being portrayed as losing a fight in a movie. That is so funny.

I can't believe... Oof. Well, the story doesn't make a lot of sense with The Rock winning the first boxing match and him coming back and defeating it, especially with all the dialogue, reference to loss, which they won't see. It's a cyborg, okay?

Maybe you lose it first, right? I'm not doing it. Listen here, Turkish, I don't lose fights. No, come on. I know Schwarzenegger gets his ass kicked throughout Terminator 2. Stallone. Stallone loses a fight no come on it's like i know schwarzenegger gets his ass kicked throughout terminator two come on stallone loses a fight

i mean he wrote that fucking rocky one he lost the last fight um yeah you know he wrote that right yeah rocky three he lost didn't he lose and come back first and then he comes back and wins yeah rocky four is the um all wins

there yeah that's the soviet one right that's where the russian beats apollo creed And then he comes back and wins. Yeah. Rocky IV is the... It all wins there. Yeah, that's the Soviet one, right? That's where the Russian beats Apollo Creed to death. Is he losing Rocky V? He's old, but he kind of looked good. The only time he fights is when he fights the kid he was training who turned bad. He beats him up in a street fight. Yeah, that is one of the greatest lines.

Rocky's there. He's in a diner. And there's two strong but fat guys sitting at the diner. And Tony Morrison, I think that's the boxer's name, is like, you know, he wants to fight him in the street. And the two guys are like, hey, Rocky, you need any help with this guy? No, this ain't no pie-e eating contest. And then he comes back and does another. He did Balboa

where he comes back and fights the young guy. I can't think of who it is. He's like, he did that in 2006. He lost that one, right? I think that's the one. He lost,

but it was like the victory was going the distance at like 56 years old against the heavyweight champ of the world. All I'm saying is Rocky lost like half his fights in that series.

If you watch the alternate ending, he wins. Oh, really? Yeah. He lost in Balboa. He lost in Rocky 3. He lost in Rocky 1. Maybe he lost a third of his fights. Some of those there were two. But still, long way from never losing.

Yeah, definitely not. Definitely not. He is the Italian stallion, though. Yeah. That is true. Can't argue with that. I'm just saying that you don't look bad if you lose a fight. It's okay.

Yeah, especially if it's in a movie. And that's our message this week on PKA. Yeah. Our cool guy of the week, of course, goes to the giraffe riding kazakhstani and um cool girl of the week remains an unfilled slot yet again you know what tulsi gabard gets it uh our first time recipient of cool gal of the week how did she learn it she's hot just for aging well That's all it takes.

It took eight years, but we found one. Dude had to ride a giraffe two times, and she just got it for aging well. That's right. Please check out our sponsors down below. I will see you all, my audience members out there, in a month or two.

Something like that. I'll try to call in. Have a little audio for you guys. I hope so too. I'm going to do my best on that. I look forward to coming back and seeing all you guys again soon. I don't know. It just got heavy. I wasn't really thinking about Kyle being gone for a month or two.

But now it's happening. It stinks, but now it's happening. It stinks, but Kyle's handling this really, really well. Way better than I would. You need to get along in prison? I have a certain set of skills that I've been developing. You got to get hard knees. That's when my father put his cock in my mouth i learned i had a very specific set of skills well damn kyle i hope you have a good time i think there's a chance you literally might

right like it sounds like a joke have a good prison. No, it wouldn't shock me. Wouldn't shock me if he was like, you know what? Got my sleep schedule in order. Really started lifting weights. Turns out I enjoy lifting weights. Whatever. There were some nice guys there. I existed.

I quickly figured out how to navigate the social structure of minimum security prison. All the potato chips you could want in here, Woody. The whole shebang? The whole shebang. A dollar a bag. That's your roommate's nickname. Kyle's going to hit commissary late tomorrow and be like, I'm going to pick one up on Woody's recommendation.

Yeah, absolutely. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, I've got to try them now. I'm kind of recommendation. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, I gotta try them now. I'm kind of interested. Yeah, the ones that I liked are original. Okay. Because you ordered a different one. Oh, did I?

Yes. Yeah, there's another flavor. Yeah, you might have got barbecue or something. Yours seemed attractive to me. After you do it, I was like, maybe I should have got that or something. Yours seemed attractive to me. After you do it, I was like, maybe I should have got that one, but I'm happy. I was so drunk at the time, I don't even recall. I'm like not letting Kyle go. I'm like, like ever want to hang up?

And the chick is like, oh, no. So another thing. I'm doing that to PKA right now. Never let go, Woody. Never let go. All let go PKA 451 Any post rolls? Nah There it is