Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #455

Episode Date: September 13, 2019

In this week's PKA, this week we've got everyone's favorite piece of Dick back to hang with Woody & Taylor, they talk about his trip to Burning Man, how Woody and Taylor are both looking into and recently started up streaming on Twitch.tv, of course there's a Balloon Caper and then Taylor stumbles upon a community of people who believe they truly have telekinesis and can move things with their minds... because it's the internet.

pka 455 kyle with our guest dick this is brought to you by audible casper blue chew blizzard world of warcraft and white castle but we'll get to those later dick how are you doing have you i'm doing great man happy to be here when you were going i asked guns to fill i asked about the weight loss too dick we before, how did you lose the weight? I'm just throwing up. I've just been doing cocaine and throwing up all day, every day. It's great. If you haven't tried it, it's a little pricier than some of the meal plans and gym memberships,

but I highly recommend it. Yeah, I call that the popular girl diet. That's what it was in high school no i've been i got a uh i lucked out and found a an insanely hot pilates teacher which has inspired me to keep going every day sometimes twice a day uh that's all my girlfriend's been doing pilates for a long time so i started doing it uh and i stopped honestly not drinking every day wait and it's not the it's not the loot it's not the booze i don't want to sound like i'm blaming liquor for anything because it's done nothing but liquor yeah it's purely wonderful it's the liquor drinking late at night and then

getting bored of drinking and deciding to eat an entire bag of shelled sunflower seeds that's what made me so you have to buy them with the shell otherwise without that barrier of protection there you can eat a thousand calories in sunflower seeds in two seconds what i have is a a new snack which is a sunflower seed with a shell on it with a with a pumpkin seed shell around that with a peanut shell around that and then with the with a with a plastic form container you know that they ship batteries in around on top of that so i have to tear through that to eat one plant uh sunflower seed well keep my keep your weight under control i mean i've heard the sources are telling me that pilates is very gay i want to talk about the shell thing before the topic switch is so when i first met my

wife my father-in-law who was just her dad at the time was this like barrier to someone I like he was the line of defense and I didn't start seeing him as another human until he explained to me that he would eat his pistachios and save up all the impossible

to open ones and give them to his wife so she would have a bag to prevent her from gaining weight or to just fuck with her I think he was just fucking with her fucking with her I know

when I eat popcorn with my girlfriend I'm eating at an accelerated pace just so she even though she's like her body is perfect but I still have this weird thing with, I got to eat this shit before she does. You're jumping on the grenade for her. It's a service you're offering. Yeah, sort of.

I always think of it differently. Like if there's a big bag of chips or something and me and my girlfriend are both eating, I'll rush and eat more because in my head it's like, I'm bigger. I deserve a higher percentage of this snack oh if it were 50 50 split we're not the same size that's not fair this is like a progressive tax system you know i got a lot more more cells to feed and things and that science is definitely it's settled science the mindset is you need to eat all those popcorn kernels or whatever they are because you have to fuck that. You know?

So you're just maximizing what you're fucking, basically. It just sounds so wrong when you say it out loud or when you think it or when you do it. That's why I have a problem with it. I'm with you on the snacks, Taylor. Like, if guacamole comes out, I will visibly cut that line at about 60 65 and if one chip wanders over to my side it's on it's fucking world war three well good i see you have the same thing i do where i'll be like man if i lose a lot of weight my head will be like a normal person-sized head. No, it's not. You noticed that, huh? Yeah, I noticed.

I have the same condition as you. I got down to 170 pounds five years ago, which on my frame is very, very thin. And it was like my head as fat and enormous as ever. No weight off of the skull. And it's just good to see a solidarity brother.

It's pumpkin head pumpkin head syndrome very common in mexicans you might have a little mexican in you taylor maybe i'm only on weekends i waited i told everybody that i was gonna get under 200 pounds by burning man or i would eat my own dick uh which i did do which one i had a taste yeah uh but i waited until that moment to like shave my beard just so i would look like i had a thin face because otherwise you know never gonna happen when was burning man last week i know you do that shit every year what What did you weigh? I got back a couple days ago. What did you get down to? 199.6?

198. Nice. 198. A little wiggle room. You don't see that in the UFC. I think 197 is a little feminine for me, so I'm probably going to hover at 198. I only weigh even numbers. Odd numbers? Feminine. For some reason. So I'm probably going to hover at 198. I only weigh even numbers. Odd numbers, feminine.

Yeah. For some reason. Have you ever been in a fat phase and you'll enter in on a BMI calculator what you are, and you'll be like, that can't be right. Oh, yeah. Obese. Yeah, no. That's not right. This is a fucking Chinese site or something's wrong.

This is a Russian propaganda site. And then I'll go to like Tumblr and get my body positivity back. And I'll look at some horrible obese whale of a woman and be like, if she can pretend to be happy online, I can pretend to be wide hips and big calves. BMI calculators don't accurately represent my health. I'm convinced. Yeah.

No. Yeah. I have a head. That's how all science is. Right? Yeah. You've got a lot of like forehead weight it doesn't doesn't mean you're thank you a lot of forehead weight it's not that my hair is running back towards my ass it's that i have my forehead is growing like uh like dark matter like space time so how did you really lose i guess you told us you stopped drinking and snacking and that's all you needed to do and i did a shitload of pilates man because i can't if i just work if i work out

i'll just like bulk up and get fatter and i'll do that like mexican guy in the yard thing or like i'll do that uncle thing where it's just you have that nice bulk but you also are carrying a keg in your shirt at all times and i'm aware of that thing yeah it's not it's not the same man you can't just power through it so i did all of the as you say taylor gay exercises obsessively i got a fuck i borrowed i got a fucking bike from my father who rides bicycles all the time he's always i mean he's mr bicycle he set me up with like a bike starter pack a road bike those clip-in shoes that i put on for the first time and immediately fell over um just thinking look you never see fat guys on a bike so get your fat ass on that bicycle every day

you read two mean reddit comments get on that bike and ride for 40 minutes and and then that's it what is a pilates i don't know this i can't see what's pilatesates? So it's like, you know, yoga where you're doing poses and lifting your legs. Yeah, there you go. It was developed. I think it was developed by a guy in a concentration camp to keep up his muscle mass when he had nothing else to work with. For real? Yeah, for real. His name was Joseph Pilates, I think.

I don't know. For real? Yeah, for real. His big muscle. Burns a lot of fat. It's really hard. It's really hard, and I feel like an asshole. Isometric exercises are exercises where you're not really moving. You're just holding muscle under tension, right? Yeah, I think that's it. I don't know.

It's ballerina shit, Woody. It's ballerina shit. That's how I describe it. Okay. Did you lose Taylor? It seems like it for a second. Ballerina shit. So, like, planking might be Pilates? Yes.

Yeah. Planking. But it's on, like, a furniture dolly. Like, you're planking on a furniture dolly, so you have to hold it still as it's trying to wiggle around. So I've added gymnastics rings. You know the things people do an iron cross on yeah i've added that to my exercises like i'm doing push-ups on them of course i'm doing pull-ups i'm doing like all like a lot of shit on that and made everything twice as hard so i get the furniture dolly like how it push-ups on the ground hardly work my chest. Like, I tend to do it mostly arms. But on the rings, if you don't work your chest, you just fly out and face plant.

What? Now, what is happening here? Did I lose both? Well, welcome to the Woody Show, ladies and gentlemen. This is where we open a command prompt and see if it's my internet going bad. All right. This should going bad. All right. This should be fun. It's not me.

This is what a healthy internet looks like. All right. PKA 455. I'll decide how much of that downtime I keep and how much we go. But for us, quite a bit of time has how much we go but for us quite a bit of time has passed yes for us quite a bit there's there's 10 15 equality stuff you guys will see and then an odd little break and now and now we're back into it and now we're oddly focused on bug chasing for some reason yeah off screen that's where we went well we talked about you

know we called pilates gay and then i said, do you know that some people in that community will try and get HIV? And Dick said, is that a meme? Is that real? And I said, based on the terrible texts I've read on the Internet, it's totally real. And so who knows? Well, Dick's in a bug-rich environment, a target-rich environment for bug chasers. bug rich environment a target rich environment for bug chasers if it wasn't like if it wasn't so uh you know lethal aids i would be all about it would be fun to bug chase almost like if it was like pokemon and if it didn't try to get them all yeah if it was just like if all the hot chicks from

every country just infected themselves with an std that instagram sent them for branding of course and you could just try to collect all the hot girl STDs. It might be fun just going to the doctor. Hey, prove it, man. Prove it to my friends that I fucked a girl this hot. You do have Scarlett Johansson.

You'll be going blind in the next one to three years, but it's good. Don't tell them about the Snorlax. Cut the Snorlax off my test results. I know that fucking dumpy bitch was hiding something from me and that was it.

I was drunk, she doesn't count. It'll be fun. I mean, I guess bug chasing could be fun if it were Pokemon-esque and not life risk because I'm getting back into Pokemon right now you guys are both

a little older than the Pokemon genre but I get back into it I just gave all of my Pokemon cards to my nephews just gave them like two bricks of cards the albatross of my loser college years and said, here you go, guys. Knock yourselves.

So did they say, oh, my God, this is so awesome. Thank you. Or like, this is just a testament to what a loser you were. This is a monument to how gay you are, Uncle Dick. Uncle, this is gayer than the Pilates. No, I only gave i have this this thing with kids because like uh what do you have a problem with kids that's my next topic you probably know that if you try to pass something on that's important to you and

they're not receptive it's like getting your dick kicked back in your body right like my friend tried to pass all his exo squad figures on to his son and his son did not care at all and he says yeah i wish i just burned them all like it was so um it was so um uh such a bad feeling i waited until they went to target after that detective pikachu movie and they were so sad because all of the Pokemon cards were sold out at Target. So I said, oh, you guys, Uncle Dick's going to be back in two hours with a motherload of cards for you guys. I hope you've been really bad this week because that's the behavior I like to reward. Nice. I remember this isn't explicitly about Pokemon, but it's on like the gift giving

and getting like your face shoved and shit feeling. Now, I grew up with only brothers, and so nine years out of ten growing up, we would forget to get each other anything. There was one Christmas where my brother, who's a couple years younger than me, literally gave me

sticky tack he found in the kitchen earlier that day. And I was like thanks thanks buddy if it's any consolation i got you nothing somehow better yeah and it wasn't even in the nice like strips where you could break it off and use a little bit it was already used just a wad of gray sticky tack and like it got maybe like 10 minutes of enjoyment out of that i mean this was this is two or three years ago i was young you know my bride 26 year old my brother his birthday's in march and mine is in february so he gave me 20 this happened a couple years in a row and i would just take that crisp 20, put it in my dresser.

And then a month later, give it back to him. That's what you call a self-sustaining account. You have a charmed life. We've all fantasized about that, but you actually did it. Oh yeah. More than a couple of years. We did that in a,

in a, like my old boys family nobody cared nobody got offended no it just wasn't a thing it was more like you'd find one or two presents you loved and then be like i'm gonna go sword fight neighborhood kids now see you in 10 hours but the sword fight is that what it means to me because that's well i mean i was like eight and so it meant using whatever toy scimitar i received that year and then going and really laying a hammering on the kids who got shittier swords. So you didn't get erections and smack them against each other. No, that didn't come until middle school.

I think it meant something different to all of us. Mine was piss fights. That was sword fights. You'd take a nice swim outside. You got to go to the bathroom at the same time. You got your popsicles, and you piss fight until someone gets either piss on them or piss on the carpet and then you immediately run away and deny that

you were doing this in the bathroom you do it inside? you pee on each other? no no no you got lightsabers on the toilet and you go and you try to slap the streams together I don't know who wins there's a lot of style points.

Whichever parents had carpeted toilets, carpeted bathrooms, and boys, they weren't thinking ahead. That's fool. Asking for it. But with boys, those gift-giving situations are much easier. I was at my girlfriend's family Christmas, and they're all girls.

And they were given, this is like two years ago or whatever girls and they were given, this is like two years ago or whatever. And they were given presents back and forth. Like her sister's doing that. And one of them opened a present from the other one. And in the one sister giving it to the sister in her head, it was a huge deal. You know,

this was the bell of the ball of presents that year. And she gave it to the sister and at this point in time it was like the first time i've spent christmas or any holiday with them so i don't know the dynamic i'm just kind of sitting there observing and yeah sister receiving the gift opens it goes oh cool cool thank you and the sister who gave it is like who gave it is like you were supposed to freak out about that I knew how much you wanted that and I

spent the money and I got it and you have been a brat all day not even just about that it's not even just about this honestly it's not even just about it it was just like sitting there it's like oh this is uncomfortable I would be loving that.

I'd be like, drama alert, eating popcorn as I watch it go down. And my girlfriend's sitting there like, Taylor, please don't think we're crazy. It's not like this all the time. I mean, it's more similar to this than not, but it's not like this all the time. Dude, I am playing gift-giving chicken right now. I think. I'm not even a hundred percent sure. Back up a few weeks.

The county says that the water in our area could possibly be bad. We asked the water guy if our water is bad. He's like, fuck. Yeah, it is. Let me sell you a water system. My wife doesn't see it through that same lens as me.

So we spend like a lot, like six or $7,000 on this on this like water purification this and that it puts salt in it and then like removes all the hardness and then because there's salt in it we reverse osmosis the salt back out of it or something dude is that in your shower now it's outrageous is that soft water in your shower now because that my parents basically ruined their house when they put in a water filter to make it like that just for me my my user experience of their house went to 100 to zero having to shower in that slimy reverse osmosis soft water that they put in did you do that did you get it did you turn your water into slime i did i noticed the soap lathers but let me check back on you

it's only been a week uh but anyway you fucking slimed your house what her birthday's coming up and i'm like baby i need some gift giving ideas and she's like i don't really know and i'm like baby like what do you want for your birthday tell me you know like when it's my turn i might even just pick it up myself you're gonna have to work with me on what your birthday present is and then i start telling her if you don't give me any gift ideas you're getting a water filtration system for your birthday her birthday is in two days and I have nothing. I have nothing but a water filtration system.

I might get her a card and reference the water filtration system. No, don't do that. No, no, dude. That would solidify you as cool guy. Don't put the receipt in there. I know that you're very bitter about getting into this scam.

Obviously a water scam. Now it's not the time. The next day, give her another card that's, by the way, fuck you. The water card. This is a post-birthday week fuck you.

That's my tradition. It's funny when you get almost scammed into something and you're trying to convince someone later that it wasn't a scam. How as you're explaining it, you'll be like, you got this system, it adds a bunch of salt into it, then it purifies it of salt. then it purifies it of salt. Meanwhile, people are laughing at Alex Jones when he knew the truth about fluoride the whole time.

Yeah, he did. He turned the frogs gay. And it's so funny how he... The broken clock right twice a day thing with him never gets old it never gets old the vampire reptiles just hasn't come out yet he's still right i mean that could that could be true vampires yeah that that could just mean yeah that's not good i've had this topic for days i need to share it with you guys. Ooh, the Pope doing something gay.

High-ranking priest caught in cocaine fueled gay orgy in the Vatican apartment. Oh, wow. Yeah. Dude. Nice. Look at those little baked bean teeth. Gross. Let me see.

A high-ranking Vatican Monsignor who is secretary to one of pope francis closest collaborators was arrested by the vatican police after they called him for hosting a cocaine-fueled homosexual orgy in a building right next to saint peter's ballot basilica maybe i don't know okay yeah um so there's a there's some few details in here that i thought were interesting um i'm looking for it the main entrance opens directly into the piazza of the holy office anyone by day or night can freely enter the vatican by this entry without undergoing inspection and of course without being put on record a perfect location to enjoy the privileges of extraterritoriality i suck without having to be either inspection but basically

because this guy is in the vatican he has a license plate that allows him to not be inspected so he organized gay cocaine fueled orgies without getting like looked into for ages that's awesome i like how it's cocaine fueled too because they're like well mario and luigi if we're going to break the law we may as well go the whole hog so to speak just cocaine hookers it's funnier to me to imagine that they don't even have like sexy chippendales dancers it's just a bunch of cardinals fucking retirement home guys we got three days a gay to fit into three hours we've got enough coke oh the smoker turned the white that mean that the pope came like a bad set like a bad teenage sex romp movie coke exploding out the window oh they picked a new pope jesus chill as fuck chill as fuck love that guy don't get me started on him capozzi who on

his linkedin page calls himself an expert in canon law and dogmatic theology, managed to evade suspicion from Italian police by using a BMW luxury car with license plates of the Holy See, which made him practically immune to stop and searches. This privilege, usually reserved for high ranking prelates, allowed the Monsignor to transport cocaine

to his frequent homosexual orgies without being stopped by the Italian police. Dude, this guy rocks. Early contender for pool guy of the week. Early contender for next pope. Throw him in there. We all know the kind of shit that's going on in there.

Just embrace it. Just be like, yeah, there's a lot of black smoke. It means that it's a... It's a do cocaine off of all of the cardinals' penises tonight. When the smoke turns white, we kick all the ladies out. No, you have to go, sweetheart. It's a religious thing. But look at the Pope.

I have more fun. I don't think the Pope is doing it. He looks gross. He looks like he's that level of old man where even if he has a really sexy woman nearby saying, fuck me, he's just not interested. You know, like his dick hasn't gotten hard for a while. Well, wait a minute. Bluetooth's coming up. He doesn't look like he's any fun, like he's ever had any fun at all.

No. But that middle dude, I'll put his picture back on. He looks like he's had some fun in his day. He looks like he's walking by a jimberie i wish people would just consistently refer to the catholic church as the largest child raping organization in the world just throw it out there like yeah you know oh do you know it's crazy oversees the world's largest child raping organization carry on as far as we know like the rate of child abuse like sexual child abuse is higher in american public schools than in the catholic yeah i saw that it's not what i choose to believe that study you're talking about it's not as funny

but i saw that and i was like that can't be true but it turns out they've looked into you know how gun statistics include suicide i bet your statistics include teenage guys and hot teachers, which is okay. You know what? With that one run-on sentence, you've convinced me. You need to back out those fortuitous situations in which teenage boys are getting laid with hot chicks.

Objection, Your Honor. These numbers are spurious. These boys enjoy these sexy ladies. Now, I'm all in favor of keeping the pigs and the hams and especially the men in these numbers, but the attractive ones with normal BMIs, you're being absurd. Jerry's unanimous. We agree with this guy. Nice. juries unanimous we agree with this guy i think what he's saying what he is that we need to arm kids am i following that we need to what kids we need to arm kids in schools and in church you're going all right kids you're going to church uh to do i don't know what i don't know why we do

it but you're all step up i'm handing out guns before you go in that will reduce gun violence for sure and rape maybe actually right i don't i don't know if you give people guns if that increases or decreases rape well let god figure it out a slew of teachers dying on big exam days with students claiming they touched me administrators claiming these number of rapes isn't conceivably possible especially not with students claiming they touched me. Administrators claiming these number of rapes isn't conceivably possible, especially not just on the day of the ACT and the SAT. Send it back to fucking Ted Willoughby.

Keep it going. Yeah, that would be pretty funny. He's like, no, man, he touched me. And it has nothing to do with the fact you have a 40% in geometry. No, no, man, he touched me. And it has nothing to do with the fact you have a 40% in geometry. No. Do you remember in college? I don't know if this is a myth or not, but I remember someone like, you know, the stories like they'll be like, oh, my buddy, my buddy, Alan, his roommate killed himself or his roommate died or got in a car accident and died three months into the semester.

You get all a's and they let you pass everything this was a movie with zach from saved by the bell i think when i was in college really that was like this was zach from saved by the bells breakaway move i think uh i forget what it was called but yeah we had that one too dude i don't think that's true but there isn't no i here's what i think is true because it happened to somebody in my universe you get uh extra time to take all the finals like you can delay it and take the final like get makeup tests all over the place you're not forced to stay on the schedule which makes more sense but it is not as cool yeah no i mean i feel like you get some sociopaths who like murdered roommates like made it look like a suicide

if it was like that oh i was i saw this thing today online that made me laugh so hard a guy i i wrote it down because if i ever kill myself, I'm going to do it like this. And this guy, he tied a bunch of helium balloons to a handgun. And in the middle of a field, he shot himself in the head. And the balloon with the gun floated way far away. And so they were trying to solve a murder for a while. Wait, wait, wait. Is this true?

Yes. for a while. Wait, wait, wait. Is this true? The gun floated he shot himself with the gun and then the gun floated away with the balloons? He tied, I don't know, not like one helium balloon, like he tied a fuck ton of balloons onto this thing and he shot himself in the head. As he dies, the gun slowly floats

away and it wasn't until like weeks later that they're like, this sneaky bastard killed himself. That would be a hard mystery to solve. He shot himself well. There's no gun. Damn it. What a jerk. There's no gun but the impact came from a centimeter away. We're trying to. There's a

really fast sly man sprinting through fields people. Be careful. But yeah that made me laugh. That's so funny. Especially thinking this is like what's your level of confidence is it true uh even if it's not i'm gonna believe it okay that's really funny like just knowing that as you're going to kill yourself like i just can't take this anymore i lost my family i lost my daughter my wife oh but this is gonna be funny hold the presses stop the mysterious death of a florida man of course has been solved

police say after piecing together an elaborate suicide plot that included a weather balloon hoisting a gun into the sky palm beach gardens began investigating the death of alan j abrahamson as a homicide his body was found with a bullet wound to the chest in a field near his country club home yada yada yada um they found no weapon or shell castings but they did find a pair of scissors a three thousand dollar reward for the string known for his extraordinary smile and contagious laugh and the twinkle in his eyes. Surveillance footage obtained a few days later shows Abrahamson's last moments wearing a long-sleeved sweatshirt. Yada, yada.

37 minutes passed and a gunshot is heard. What happened in those 37 minutes? The email found on his phone suggested he bought a weather balloon on Christmas Day last year. He purchased none of his friends could explain. He didn't have an interest in aerial photography or meteorology. He also purchased helium tanks. In February, police entertained the idea that Abrahamson's death might have been a suicide. The working theory became he tied a gun to a string, attached it to the weather balloon,

and once the shot was fired, the balloon carried away the weapon from the scene. Even though the theory seemed far fetched, it was plausible. A blood stain on his sweatshirt appeared to support the claim, along with a thin line of blood that traveled up indicating that something in blood

was dragged across the top of his shirt. What they found, a CSI Las Vegas episode from 2003 showed a character who stages homicide by trying a gun tied to helium-fueled balloons. Yada yada. He'd also be the smartest murderer on Earth.

Yeah. Now I'm coming around. See, everybody throws guns in the ocean and into rivers and stuff. No one ever ties them to helium balloons and sends them into space. Nope. They certainly don't. And then you're like, you're gifting someone far away a free gun

instead of sending it to the bottom of the sea, which is totally a good idea. Throw your guns up on a weather balloon. Roll the dice. So CSI killed this guy, huh? That's a shame. They'll have to take that off the air, I guess. Ooh, I didn't think of it through that lens.

It's promoting suicide. Got to get rid of it. But then they'd have to get rid of that show that's on Netflix, 13 Reasons Why. I've never watched it because it looks really dumb but that's the one where like uh like there was a market increase in teen suicides after that came out was it really oh wow yeah i'm pretty sure i'm not making that up like that it might be but yeah they've got three seasons of that how can you make three seasons about high school kids wanting to kill themselves like it doesn't i need to see i like season one then again we all know i like how much i enjoy teenage girl things so but that's the show that i was making fun of the other week because they had a straight up like uh squarespace ad or something like in the

middle of the show where they're like how are you gonna make the website it's like a twitter clip and they're like actually it's really. You just use these widgets and then all the kids at the lunch table, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Cool kids skateboarding in. You guys don't use Squarespace for your business needs? Yo, bro, use

my referral code, man. Use my referral code. Let me know when you're done if you need any help configuring, but you won't need any help. It's so easy. You can go pop a blue shoe and fuck Stacy under the stairwell. I have another

topic. Oh, this looks funny already. Transgender wrestler has unfair advantage argues imbecile about rigged sport. Nyla Rose is quietly making history as professional wrestling's first transgender woman. But does the AEW star have an unfair advantage due to her genetics?

Yes, according to a small but vocal minority of thick-skulled dimwits. Hey, he's right here um both here right now people don't understand how pro wrestling works so yeah people are upset that this massive woman who clearly has a dick bulge in her outfit and oh wow you're right uh i would say that this is a significant disadvantage being trans in uh in fake wrestling oh this is like wwe and some other country i love that you just caught on to that yeah i mean i was called a thick-skulled idiot or i guess it's an advantage to be the first,

but what's the second trans woman going to do when she comes in? They'll just always be comparing her to this one. Yeah. Social media user argued that the inclusion of a transgender wrestler damages the integrity

of professional wrestling, an argument based on the idiotic logical fallacy that professional wrestling had any integrity in the first place yeah this is fake who cares if it was like that one woman who got

her eye socket caved in by a giant man hand going 100 miles an hour yeah that's real fighting that's different this is playing pretend. Like, I mean, right? Yeah, this is showmanship. Come on.

Yeah, let people have their showmanship fun. I like that everyone can beat up on this straw man, though. Everyone can get behind a trans athlete where there is absolutely no controversy. Like, let's just have that one out there. Nobody pay attention to the track ones and the wrestling ones. Just go back to WWF where it doesn't matter. You know what I've always thought would be a funny position to take as a feminist, or I guess if I'm pretending to be feminist,

is being like, I'm tired of gender exclusion in games like darts, billiards, chess, all of these games, one league for both genders. Is this too much to ask? It's 2019, people, and all that would do is eliminate 100% of female leagues. I don't know why, but you're right. Yeah. It's because boys rule. I think that this might actually be chauvinist but i i think guys just get obsessed

with things more frequently than girls do that's fair yeah definitely yeah that's why they're better at like chess and yeah uh chess is the best example yeah because it's like even stuff like billiards flying planes like you know there billiards, flying planes. You know, there's guys getting. Yeah. Flying planes. Physics. Being tall. Professionals.

Hitting like punching hard. That's what physics takes. You just got to punch through it. Just go harder and harder. Yeah, this that is funny funny everybody's cool with this one but not yeah it doesn't seem like really anybody who's even close to those kinds of combat sports is cool with like a trans man trans trans woman i'm surprised trans people aren't pissed about this to be honest like it's so it's so cool i'm surprised that like trans allies or whatever

they're calling themselves are not pissed that this is that she's being exploited in some way for her transness seems like that's the move yeah but she's like it's it's probably like they don't mind being exploited for the transness because it's like i'm getting what i assume is a decent paying job on the aew wrestling network and clearly I know I'm a token here to like add a little spice and maybe, maybe like they're playing. Clearly I'm a token in a, in a job where there's a magical undertakers and foreign lands and guys who are painted gold.

How offensive that I would be a token in this. Yeah. I'll be straight i've never watched a single second of professional wrestling i didn't know there were magic men i knew i know the iron sheik has lost his mind and he's hilarious on twitter he's awesome yeah he's good but that's all and i just remember like old opium anthony episodes where he would come barreling in and just talk about absolutely nothing as loud as he could for you know about how and then he pissed himself once in studio like i'm chic did you just pee yourself and he's like no i am chic did not be himself yeah not unless he wanted to and it's like

you're covered the chair is wet with piss that's more of a cte sad story Oh I guess you get CTE in fake wrestling too Oh yeah cause you're getting tossed around Slammed everything You're supposed to hit your head But they do You're doing a shit load of drugs too Woody Does that give you CTE I think it messes

It's gotta mess up your brain All those years of drinking and coke That's true How many have ever turned out well I think it messes, it's got to mess up your brain, right? All those years of drinking and coke. That's true. How many have ever turned out well? Yeah, Scott, have you seen that documentary on Scott Hall? I'm not familiar with that. I'll have to look him up.

Oh, yeah. Does he have another name? I think he was Razor Ramon, I think. But he's a mess. He looks like he's got everything wrong with him. The Diamond Stud, Starship's a mess. He looks like he's got everything wrong with him. The Diamond Stud. Starship Coyote. It's sad to see people come off their steroids, right?

They look so great. Now they don't. Oh, man. He's 67 years old. Stay on steroids, kids. Or no, he's not 67 years old. He's 60 years old, but he's 6'7", which means that's like 85 in six foot seven years yeah they age faster like a great dane oh yeah yeah did you guys see this site i just linked

i i have not clicked it yet bang bros buys porn doxing site yep so bang bro there's a there was a site out there we talked about it on the show months ago and someone was out there just doxxing site. Yep. So Bang Bro, there was a site out there. We talked about it on the show months ago. And someone was out there just doxxing like everyone who had done porn. And not just like big porn stars who were obviously kind of doxxable, but like all the amateur stuff that you see on Pornhub,

maybe girlfriend revenge porn, like whatever it was, they used facial recognition technology to track it and link it to Facebook. And they just doxxed the heck out of thousands of people, tens of thousands of people. Well, Bang Bros, here it is. Bang Bros emerged as the folk hero of the porn industry with its most recent acquisition, Porn WikiLeaks. The adult-themed production company bought out the doxing site,

which housed over 15,000 porn stars, personal information. What they do with it all. Well, they made the producers of these not safe for work content, made it clear with a safe for work video. This bang brothers made their first ever safer work video where they set to fire all the hard drives from the servers that held the doxing information of

these porn stars. And they lit it and they took it out of existence. And they say, let's see. We simply didn't want it out there in the world for anyone to see. While shutting down this site doesn't purge the entire internet of all possible ties to real names and whatnot. I like their release. And whatnot. It does make one less place to harbor these things

and find it easily a form that had 300 000 posts on it most of the negative and hate field has now disappeared they also worked with the wayback machine archive.org to remove any history that that site had found oh well now young women don't have to think twice about getting into porn for almost no money thank god bang bros made this huge public video so that girls would know they can

do anything they want and be safe from the consequences this is what's good for a healthy society I feel like your sarcasm is discouraging hot ladies from making porn and that is not the stance i think this show should take oh if anything we should remove the stigma from hot chicks making porn and encourage such a thing porn is and the money for you well there are no price is enough for you to get naked and get sexual with other people on camera for the enjoyment of other men.

Don't even read the contract. Just run with it. Well, brand is too much for Mia Khalifa. It doesn't compare to the amount of joy she's brought everyone. You know. That's true. Some people leave a mark on this world that is just dirt. And some leave a mark that is gold.

These ladies are just doing a good thing. Dude, what they never tell you is how much more well-developed women who go into porn at a young age are. They never show you those studies, do they? Where are the cigarette company guys?

They're just making them release these bogus studies. Dude, the only thing i have a problem with here unironically is this is not green this is the least green way to dispose of electronics ever burning it in a field in nature that's true like people that's think of the ozone layer think think of the the bees or whatever people care about birds i don't know much about bees but based on internet posts way more important than i knew they were they hate burning pornography bees absolutely drive them away yeah you know who else burned pornography

bang bros hitler i knew you were gonna say that i saw that coming i'm pretty sure he did i don't know though that's not gonna stop me yeah i love this a forum that had 300 000 posts on it most most of them negative and hate the good guys in this situation there's a very just a hate-filled forum lots of naughty language very disrespectful forum it's disappeared we removed it from the internet unlike daddy's little whore 17 is it i mean is it me or are the porn companies? It feels like they're drifting away from me. Like, it feels like they're catering to people who are like a like soccer moms, like new millennial soccer moms.

And I don't know where they get off turning their back on me. It's pissing me off every time they do some shit like this. Help me out here, Dick. What kind of things would they have to do to get you back? I don't I don't know. Big big we're having big giant tits day where every woman in america we're having a contest we're giving away a thousand big giant tits just pornhub.com they never do shit like that anymore it's always this like weird sex positive social engineering Or it's like incest week. It's just like, why are you putting... You know what?

We need... You know what? This would be the funniest. Fuck your stepmom week. Traditional, like conservative. He's like, I like porn as much as the rest of you, but how about we get back to tits and pussy? Yeah.

We got all these things with rubbers and adult baby diaper lovers and all these terrible things. Let's get back to just snatch how's that everybody's yeah yeah and stop shoehorning incest stuff on the front page nobody wants to see that yeah well i don't i legit don't get that i don't get why incest has become so popular everyone's into it are you all just dreaming about your sisters no i never had a sister so i might be might be missing the allure of incest porn but no i had a sister you're not i've never met anyone who's into it it just seems like it's pushed yeah it's like they're trying to make it a thing and it's

like why are you trying to make you can make more money with just his it's like an idiocracy when he's watching that when he's baiting and he's watching the chick cut a steak with her feet and you're thinking this is do you ever watch that movie that he's baiting and on the tv is a hot woman cutting a steak with her feet with a knife and fork with her feet and that's what it's like more tell me more yeah almost there the porn is trying to train us now and i know i don't want to watch porn with brothers and sisters fucking or sex positivity, which this is. I like that you hate that. I do. I really like I don't want to think about this shit.

I just want to think about getting off. But you're shoving it down my throat. What is sex positivity mean? Like sex positivity pornography. Yeah. It doesn't sound bad to me.ivity mean like sex positivity pornography yeah it doesn't sound bad to me i might like sex positivity it's like saying high five you're a whore two gold stars yeah the woman the woman liking it less than the man um by a little bit or by a lot is very important to me in my pornography in my pornographic consumption oh it's a subtle it's a subtle thing but if there was a if there was a meter on the bob and it was oh yeah she didn't she didn't like that as much as he did

um i that's that's right up my alley that's not my wiring oh she was a little embarrassed getting came on yeah yeah okay yeah that's it i i mean it's not to say that I'm not down for a nasty video. I just want them to both be enthusiastically nasty. That's to me what sex positive is. I'm the opposite. You're lucky the internet's catering to you, I think. They're shoving all of my... It's my year, baby.

2019 is the year of the woody everyone should be ashamed of their bodies and yes and terrified we should go back to like quakers like and and the amish the amish they walk around with the most stone cold retarded beards and hats all day every day and they're always having a blast and they love their lives they smell like shit they're they're do you imagine what amish pussy smells like but they're over there chopping down trees building barns in 10 in 10 hours just having a blast they're almost they're happier than any of us probably right do amish women shave their pubic hair? No, that's a modern invention. No, you gotta have

a thicket down there. Was it invented after the 1800s? That's when they stopped, right? Were women shaving their pits before they invented the plow? I sure hope so. For my Amish brother's sake.

I bet Amish women are hairy everywhere except they've probably seen enough modern stuff because they all do that like exodus when they're 19 or whatever and they go and do blow and drink and do a bunch of crazy stuff and then like 95 plus percent of them end up coming back

and being like nah I kind of like living here yeah it's what they're used to according to this amish person on answers.com uh they do not shave any part of themselves oh that would have been funny if a guy like joseph smith when he was coming up with mormonism like first of all someone from history i'd love to meet fucking that guy hilarious the balls on that guy to like 2 000 years later be like now fuck that i found something new can we see it now no no you can't see it but if he wrote in there like and thine shall shave thine pussies for

thine man's enjoyment like you think that you put something in there right once a week something something in there like make sure that you're not... For men, cleanliness is next to godliness, but the closest women can get is with their husband's member in their mouths. That's the closest you women can get to godliness. I've been just engaged in this Amish pubic hair thing. I have several sources now that say Amish women don't shave anything.

Oh, I don't think they do. They're too busy churning butter. Yeah, they got to raise donkeys and farm, build barns. Those are the three things I know they definitely do. Ride carts too slow on real people roads. It's like, oh, you're not going to use the internet. But when I'm in rural Missouri visiting my grandparents, these fucking Mennonites will use a modern road with their cart and buggy.

Like, what the fuck is wrong? Go big or go home with it, which is the problem with Mennonites. Because Mennonites will be like, yeah, we're just like the Amish. We're pretty disciplined. But we also use Craigslist to get hired for things. And you can call me on my phone, and if it's business-related, I can take it. And same with email. And I'm going to use Modern Roads, and I'm going to vote.

This sounds like a decent system to me. I don't see why you're knocking it. They're like, we're Amish, but better. No, they're Amish, but worse. They're almost just like us. They're almost, we're Amish, but better. No, they're Amish, but worse. Yeah. They're almost just like us. They're almost just like us. But they don't pay taxes.

They don't pay taxes? Amish don't, so I just guessed that Mennonite don't. Amish don't pay taxes? Amish don't pay taxes? Well, I mean, I just said it. It must probably be true. You think they, like, mail something in Connecticut like a dozen eggs once a year

The Amish do not pay social security Or medicare taxes But they do pay other income and other taxes No shit Dude let's be Amish guys Yeah Dude we should start that religion we talked about years ago Right when John Oliver did that thing

He made a religion Except we'd make it funny yeah obviously but we try for funny we'll see where we land we try for funny see if we land probably in a in a prison somewhere i was like you didn't thought the paperwork right and it turns out getting drunk and being totally lit doesn't count as a doctrine. That was your religion? Getting shit-faced? I don't remember what it was. It was like orgies and drugs and cool things for cool people. It's the opposite of the Amish.

While I searched this, I found out what an Amish beauty is. Are you guys aware of this sex act, the Amish beauty? Nope. Well, let me lay it out for you. I would have guessed Dick would know. While engaging in sex with a woman, the male removes his penis just before ejaculation, utilizing a donkey punch that knocks the girl unconscious.

While the girl is out, the male ejaculates on her face, then shaves her pubic hair, and then he takes the pubic shavings and sprinkles them on his face. The shavings, stuck on by the cum, become a beard similar to that worn by Amish women. Wait, but this is... How could I forget? This isn't... stuck on by the cum become a beard similar to that worn by Amish women. Wait, but this is... How could I forget? This isn't...

First of all, when was this written? Because that is stolen from my man, the late and great Patrice O'Neill, who called it a gorilla mask. And that was funny, I think. Oh, it's on Urban Dictionary, so it's true. That is true. I thought that you were talking about a fetish or whatever this is, an act that Amish people were doing.

I didn't know it was in mockery of the Amish. I mean, there's nothing here that excludes Amish people from doing this. Man, Amish America is a website. Five ways Amish women differ from non-Amish women. Oh, this is not interesting.

They're mothering like non-Amish women did centuries ago. Okay. A belief in the husband as the family head. You know? Pretty cool on that one. Just a picture of the book of Genesis. I like that.

That's all it takes. Yeah, we do it because of the book. If my husband allowed me to read, I'm sure it would say all the things he says it does. Honey, it's 7pm on a Thursday. Suck my cock. Yeah, that's... Thursday comes faster and faster.

You can't tell time. Keeping an illiterate woman, a literate wife who can't tell time. Oh, that's funny just living in a world of gaslighting just constantly confusing them that's funny that's what our cult our cult should be no not called it's not a cult no it's a it's a religion it's a legitimate uh yeah did you guys see the walmart thing all the conservatives are mad at Walmart right now because they stopped selling, I guess, let's see.

They're no longer allowing people to open carry firearms. They stopped selling.223 and.556, which is the size. Oh, yeah. That's bad. It's the size of the bullet that goes in an AR-15. Oh, that sucks. And I think all handgun ammunition they stopped selling too just some hunting ammunition is all they sell and maybe no guns they're at the point where they

don't have to be worried about any sort of consumer response whatsoever because they've dominated enough u.s market share as far as retail that they could say we're not carrying chips anymore you know people would still go there and pretty much the same numbers because for a lot of people that's like the only option for affordable shit especially in rural areas that's not like way out there because they've effectively hollowed out small businesses to mid-sized businesses all around the country and like people being like i saw like retards being like i'm gonna boycott i'm gonna boycott walmart it's like no you're you're not. No, you're not.

They won this battle 30 years ago. I don't think you have a lot of follow-through on things if you are shopping at Walmart, sir. No offense, but if you have the ability to boycott Walmart, I don't think you have the ability to actually execute on that. Exactly. All they have to do is be slightly less cucked than every other giant box store around them like amazon included which is not which is not a high bar unfortunately amazon's never shipping ammo to your house right so it's that's just it we're all learning how to make our own ammo now our own ammo and our own sex negative pornography that's the future taylor and i have to learn cobble together sex negative facial abuse

dot com out of sticks and can you imagine how much like the populace would be if we could order ammo off of amazon so many times late at night i'd just be like well you can always use another box of 22 my grandpa told me that my way but yeah that's really uh i mean as far as like a business move is concerned it is dumb for walmart because they do make quite a bit of money in that in that section of their store but it's also it's not really gonna hurt their bottom line small to mid-sized businesses go out of business every single day because of walmart walmart knows the only person who can put their boot on their throat is Amazon. Walmart doesn't give a fuck about anyone else other than Amazon. It's just in about five years, and it's going to happen way sooner than later.

People don't realize how fast these small retailers are shutting down. It's going to be a binary choice. Oh, you need something right now? Go to Costco or Walmart. Oh, you need something two days from now that you don't need immediately? Amazon. I feel like you're always not giving Target their due. They're exploding.

Target and CVS. Target and CVS are big. CVS makes more money on the prescription side of their business than they do from the retail itself. So they're in the process of trying to go more private label with products where they're trying to sell their own version of the popular toothpaste or hair shampoo or whatever it is. Whereas Walmart, Amazon, and Target... Target's big, but compared to Walmart, Target is small potatoes.

Is it a fourth of Walmart, maybe? I would be surprised if it was that high. Let's see. How many Target locations? I could check, but I'm pretty sure CVS makes most of their money selling colored pens to my girlfriend. Yeah, I don't know what their total revenue at Target is. Walmart is six and a half times larger. Oh, that's market cap.

I really wanted sales. Yeah, I'm not sure. But the two big ones to look out for it's walmart and amazon and eventually amazon will win that battle this is taylor's hot hot tip for consumerism in the future two stores you got to look out for it don't know if you've heard of them walmart's the other keep your peepers out for those no it's not it's not to look out for them it's that like like i work in the consumer products field. So I see like kind of the inside on these retailers more and people are like, oh, Walmart. Yeah. Sometimes it destroys like mom and pop stores here and there. It's like, no, it's now like to the point where it's obliterating medium sized change with like 40, 50, 60, 70 stores all around the country. And it's been doing it for so long that people have kind of become numb to it. Like whatever, whatever,

but we're approaching a day when that is simply not going to exist. Best buy to best buys unrecognizable now from what it was when I was like a teenager, uh, 98 and 20 years, which is a hell of a long time. But walking into best by now, I have this sense of like,

I don't know what this store is for anymore. They're all over the place, but there's not like the bins of shitty DVDs that you can rifle through anymore. The computer section looks like it was put together by some kind of North Korean store staging group. Yeah, it seems like they're on the precipice of getting wiped out. Dude, your description of best buy nailed it to me like i don't know what this store is for anymore yeah why do you go to best buy maybe you want a receiver for your television and you'd like one twelfth the options you'd see on amazon like maybe that's a thing you don't want a rating you don't want to know what anyone thought of any

of them exactly you don't like you don't want to easily be able to check other prices or things like that you just you want to go there hope you're not getting ripped off and not have many choices then you go to best buy same thing as with like a headset if i had to buy a headset i found myself at amazon like i'd lose most of my research capability that i have with a monitor and a keyboard and such but and i could be getting ripped off i don't know what's good my choices are so limited it sucks i went to best buy this week for the first time in probably a couple years because i needed like this is what best buy is now if you need a charger for your phone or whatever right this second that's where you go to like best buy and that's really the only place and so i went

there and first of all two employees for every person there as i was walking around and when i saw somebody standing in the physical media section like looking at blu-rays i wanted to be like are you a genuine fucking retard what the fuck are you doing are you about to buy troy starring brad pitt in 2003 for for 38 dollars on 4k you fucking idiot how about how about you let me rob you for 20 dollars and i'll save you money you dumb bitch and it was like there was nobody there everything you saw was like you're right when i walked to the charger section, it was like, huh? Well, I can have this one or I'm taking this one.

Yeah. I just took that one because it's the only choice. Whereas Amazon. If you got charger needs, you gotta go to Chevron. I was in a Chevron. I just grabbed. The gas station?

Yes. I was going to say that. I didn't want to interrupt. Yeah. I grabbed a charger and the guy goes, oh yeah, that's got a lifetime warranty on it. I looked at him.

It was like $8. I looked at him like, man, I don't even, I don't believe you even a little bit. What are you talking about? A life? It doesn't say Chevron anywhere on it. This is just like Chinese shit. What are you guys? I don't know.

Just if it breaks, bring it back. I think if I go outside and plug it in and it doesn't work and I come back in, you're going to go, what's that? I've never seen it. What the fuck are you talking about? Did you just invent this policy? He's like, no, let's just bring it to any Chevron. I'm like, okay, man. And the goddamn thing worked for like seven years.

Every time I plugged it in, I was hoping it would break so I could take it in and throw it on the counter and go, you mother, where's my fucking replacement, you motherfucker? Dude, if you're working at a Chevron, one of the few solaces in life has to be promising fake return policy to customers on electronics.

I would absolutely do that. You could actually, because you probably don't know this, our parent company is BP, so you can take it to any BP, and they'll show up and be like, we're an entirely different company, sir. No, no. I love those jelly beans.

We got a satisfaction guarantee. You don't like them, bring them back to any gas station in the world. We'll give you a full refund. I paid $21 for the car charger for my Android S8. And it was at a gas station, like some Phillips 66 or something. And it was on a road trip. And so I went in there, bought it, handed it to my girlfriend in the passenger seat. And I started driving.

And about five, six, seven miles down the road, I'm like, okay, I definitely need that now. Plug it in for me. She plugs it in. She takes my phone and she plugs it in. She's like, honey, the plug doesn't fit. I was like, what do you mean? Can I see the package? It says Samsung S8, S7, S6, S9.

It's got, it's got all, it's got all the lists there. And she's like, I don't know what to tell you, honey. It's a, it, it, she's like miming at me so I don't get frustrated. It doesn't, it doesn't the lists there. And she's like, I don't know what to tell you. She's like miming at me so I don't get frustrated. It doesn't fit in there. And I'm just over there trying to fit it in. And it's like, you sold me a charger too big. I can't be the only person. I'm familiar with this situation, Taylor.

Hold on. If it's too big and it won't fit, you just need lube. And it works every time. I'm not putting lube in my Samsung port. It's going to ruin it. I'm just drawing on my expertise. Yes. So I thought the story was going to say she was doing it upside down,

but that's not the case. Doing what upside down? Putting the charger in. Like she was sitting there. No, no, no. The chargers here, they only go one way. Right. So that's why upside down could be incorrect.

I'm sorry. I said the complete opposite way. It goes both ways. Ah. That's the kind of phone you want. You can plug it in either way. And of course, I tried that. Tried the plug multiple different ways.

I'm getting rid of this, though. I'm getting rid of this Samsung. I'm not one of those people who actually care about the brand of a phone or anything but get an iphone like a guy who fucks see that's what i need to do because i'm tired of getting made fun of and all my friends group chats as being poor green text guy green text somebody get this guy out of here he's making us all green all like there's like seven of me and my best friends in the chat, and all six of them have iPhones, and I have the only Android. And I guess with iPhones, you can do this dumb shit

where it can be like, so-and-so emphasized this text. So-and-so liked or loved or laughed at this text. And because I don't have that operating system, it sends me a new text every time. And I made the mistake of telling my friends to stop that at one point like a year ago. And so if I leave my notifications on in that chat, I will have like 800 texts by the end of the day where someone will just say like, fuck you, poor green text loser. And then it'll be, you know, Brendan loved this. Brendan hated this.

Brendan emphasized this. Brendan exclaimed this and all that. What a great solution for a totally useless feature. I know. Great. Good job, Android. But I dropped it in Florida. Now I have a piece of scotch tape holding the screen on, so it should be fine.

It should be fine to exchange that soon. Do you have an iPhone like a guy who fucks dick? Yeah, of course, man. I make it rain all the time. I'll rain smileys all over me. What are you, son of a bitch? Here. Oh, I miss you. Oh, bitch, you haven't even seen missed yet. Check out this

hard-faced fucking parade. Picker tape parade. I'm gonna rain all fucking over you at work. I just like the last text taylor sent me yeah now what he's liking and loving the text in the chat with me chis and cotton i shouldn't have mentioned that why did i mention uh yeah i am so i'm an iphone guy because there's this one stupid paramotor app that I can't live without. But the new Galaxy Fold has been re-released, and I'm psyched for that phone. It's twice as much, but it's cool.

It opens up, and it's like iPad size almost. And then if you close it, it has a small screen, so you don't always have to open up just to use it. It's freaking badass. I can't remember. What innovations have we had in phones in the last five years? The foldable thing? had to open up just to use it it's freaking badass it's i can't remember what innovations have we had in phones in the last five years the foldable thing maybe it's raining emojis that i was talking raining emojis uh selfies that make you look slightly prettier that's all i got yeah no selfies that help you lie to unsuspecting men on the internet you say tomato i say tomato yeah that's all it is

snapchat is so that's a tool of deceivers yeah and there's not one for men like there's not one that upgrades your acura into like an alfa romeo or something right this is an iphone the new app adds a digit to your bank account so chicks dig you yeah for men it would just be a bank account editor go in there make it like make my message make a ka-ching sound when she gets them without her approving it just message ka-ching like oh wow what was what was that sound i'm suddenly all wet it was like a mismanaged kind of write-in where you write and get advice on how to handle different situations. And this chick wrote this. He's like, look, I left my man.

I got a new one. This guy doesn't live close to me. He's tatted up. He kind of doesn't have a good job. But I love him. All my time with him is fantastic. And we have a great relationship. But the long distance thing wasn't for me.

So I picked up a local guy too. He has a good job. He's nice to me. But I don't have the same sense of excitement when I'm with Mr. Local, like reasonable good dude. Which one's a better investment? And I was just like,

well, the phrasing on that blue, like you're like, all right, I like this one more, but this one makes more money where what direction do you think i should go it's like you gold digging whore you fucking gold digging whore you like i mean if you don't think all women don't do that to an extent then i used to sell you i wouldn't want to date a woman who didn't do that that's good I can only get women who do that that's what you want though

someone who's smart enough because you don't want her being piss in the wind kind of an idiot that's what women need to do this guy's fun but he's also a retard he has a really large neck tattoo and his job at Staples isn't going great. Walmart's taking

over Staples, god damn it. Fuck. But he assures me that Walmart's going to pick him up because he's invaluable to the Staples cost. He's the best greeter they have. I was speaking of funny greeting. This was the opposite of a greeting. I was at a Cardinals game,

a baseball game recently. First one in a while it was a lot of fun i went with a few people and as we were leaving there was this uh we left early and there was this uh this uh beer attendant you know near the exit to our situation our station there our section and he was standing there talking loudly this black black guy, to this man and woman who were there. And he's like, you want another beer? It's the 7th inning. They got to cut it down after this. You want one more?

And he's like, no, me and my wife, we got to go home. We have work in the morning. He's like, alright. Have a good night, king and queen. I was like, this guy rules. And he was saying goodbye to people calling him king and queen, kings guy rules. And he was saying goodbye to people, calling them king and queen, kings and queens. And that was just too funny to hear that in real life.

Like a black beer guy. Thank God for the black people creating new slang that we can take and then rape into death, into the dirt and ruin. I do love the new king and queen phrase i'm gonna use it as much as possible until it gets used to death uh and look for i look forward to the next one black people please please keep them coming if you could bring the bomb back i never let it go and it would make me cool again it was like a it was like a boomer white couple

that he said it to and so i think he was being like tongue-in-cheek silly and that made it funnier because like clearly the you know i looked at the guy afterwards they were turning away and he like kind of gave like a eyebrow raise of like is this hip-hop dude as you're telling the story on me i'm like he just called me a king is Is that an insult or compliment? I'm a little confused. If I had said, no, I don't want any beer, and he was like, all right, your highness, I'd be like, you're mocking me.

I don't know if I like that. It's hard to come back because he said something so unique. Like, what would you say? I'd be like, you too, king? Yeah, right? You have a good evening as well king yeah he's black right yeah call him fresh prince yeah that's like he probably would have loved that

all right i wants to be patronized too yeah i wouldn't call i mean to be to be fair to me the fresh prince was the coolest show i watched as a kid by far that's i loved this idea i knew i wasn't as cool as will smith but i took solace in knowing that if i lived there in uncle phil's house me and will smith would have been tighter than me and carlton or than carlton and will because i'm i was cool i knew i was cooler than Carlton. Yeah. It was like,

you know, weasel into the middle of that, divide them and take Will Smith's attention for yourself. I was like a nine year old just thinking like, nah, me and will would be tight, you know, because,

because Carlton's a loser and I'm better than Carlton. You know, in all actuality, Will Smith would be like, this guy's nine. He, he can't go to college party. He's not going to pledge frats with me.

Yeah, no, he wouldn't, he wouldn't think about DJ Jazzy Jeff. would be like, this guy's nine. He can't go to college parties. He's not going to pledge frats with me. What about DJ Jazzy Jeff? Would you be tighter than Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff who showed up? Probably not. He was pretty cool. For no reason. They would always introduce him in a way where it's like, we're starting

a character arc with DJ Jazzy Jeff and the next episode, who's DJ Jazzy Jeff? He was like normal at that show. He would just show up every once in a while. No reason why. Family Matters, another high quality 90s sitcom. Love that. Didn't really care for any of the characters other than Urkel saying,

did I do that? But then again, I was eight. And that was enough to keep my attention. You didn't get into Waldo and the monkey? No, not particularly. The horn king? No, no, no. Waldo had some great episodes.

I don't remember Waldo. I was really fixated on just Urkel. Urkel, and then i remember myra his uh his big titted girlfriend yes and i even at that age i'm like i don't understand sexuality but i feel funny like something about this lady getting to me but yeah oh i should I should have a word from a couple of our friends before we get any, any further in. I'm getting pictures of Myra. I think that was her name. His girlfriend.

Yes. I'm getting some hits on this. There you go. Well, then while you're showing them that I'm going to talk about audible. Could listening make you a better parent, a better leader, even a better person.

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can choose three titles every month, one audiobook and two Audible Originals you can't hear anywhere else. Audible members also get access to exclusive audio fitness programs to start the new year off on the right foot. Listen on any device, anytime, anywhere, at the home, at the gym, on your commute, or just on the go. You'll also enjoy easy audiobook exchanges, rollover credits, and an audiobook library to help to keep forever, even if you cancel. That's a good feature. Audible, the most inspiring minds, the most compelling stories, the best place to listen. Get started with a 30-day trial when you go to audible.com slash pka or text pka to 500-500 and listen for a change. That's audible.com slash pka or text pka to 500-500. Don't miss out on this offer.

I've been listening to audiobooks almost exclusively. It's what my radio plays lately. Bobiverse, We Are Legion, something close to that. Awesome book, completely addictive, and the series is finished, which I love. It's not some Game of Thrones fucking horse shit where you get into it, and then the last couple books probably just never happens. The Kingkiller Chronicles was really good. Then you find out the author, like, got a divorce, and he's in a sad place,

and his books aren't coming anymore. Yes. That's the truth behind it. I listed How to Lose a Time War. It was meh. I'm listening right now to The Trillionaire Coach. It fucking sucks. It's god awful. Avoid that

one. But those other ones are good so those are my book reviews lately i don't know if i'll get through the trillionaire coach it was recommended to me but i'm like two hours into it and i just steam and get furious they just fucking jerk this guy off for being the most amazing human ever like and he coached people who made trillion dollar companies like like he was a coach at google he coached eric made trillion dollar companies like like he was a coach at google he coached eric schmidt this is like his job like he was a manager of managers kind of and help them do their jobs better and and raise the level of the people around him he worked with steve jobs you know and helped him when he was at apple when he left apple came back

to apple he was just this guy who was like the hidden secret behind a bunch of huge silicon silicon valley companies i say that wrong and um but then the book though is just like jerking him off over nothing like he would set up meetings and at the beginning of meetings he would ask people how their vacation was oh my fucking god that's his secret? Why am I listening to this? That's a real thing. It was just Hansa. He coached Columbia to a losing record, but one year he started off 3-1 before he lost nine games,

including a 69-0 drubbing. Why are you so excited about this guy? I don't know. It's the work. Audiobooks are cool. This one's not. Trainer coach. Sounds dumb. Thankful that audible.com has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet

though. So you can just ditch that loser and find one of their many winners. Check it out. They have it. They're like integrated with Amazon Prime. So sometimes you can choose like delayed shipping or whatever and get free books. It's pretty cool. Did you say start the year off right in there? Did I hear that?

Me? I think it's a little late to be starting the year off right. Oh, in the read. Ah. Did you say start the year? Well, he didn't mention which year. Yeah, start next year off right. Get in front of it now.

You have three months to get ready to start the year off right, like you have never done before. You fuck. I don't think it said to start the year off right, but I did read it the way it said. Before we get into cult stuff, we've got another fun friend to hear from. World of Warcraft.

The legend is back. Get ready to return to a lost era of danger and glory. World of Warcraft. Hmm. The legend is back. Get ready to return to a lost era of danger and glory. World of Warcraft Classic is available now. Coming just in time for the game's 15th anniversary, World of Warcraft Classic invites players to return to the world of Azeroth, just as it was during its earliest days. The faithful,

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WoW Classic is included with your regular World of Warcraft subscription at no additional charge. So you can switch between the original experience and the latest content as you see fit. World of Warcraft Classic is available to play right now! Head to WoWClassic.com slash painkiller

already to learn all about it and get ready to relive the legend. WoWClassic.com slash painkiller already to learn all about it and get ready to relive the legend. WowClassic.com slash painkiller already. Check that out. Check that out. Play some World of Warcraft. I see that it's exploding on Twitch right now. Lots of people are talking about this. It's the most popular thing ever.

It is exploding on Twitch right now. Completely organically, I'm told. Yeah. It doesn't surprise me because I don't know that much about the WoW community. I have multiple friends who got really into it and loved it. And from the four-hour stretch that I played when the game came out, the original one, at a friend's house, because my parents wouldn't get me a computer good enough to play it,

I loved it. I had a blast. But, yeah, it's a super super i just found out this last week that my friend's uh stepdad was making him grind for gold in everquest when he was a kid really his dad rules i don't know why this came up but he started talking about everquest he's like huh you know i just realized that my stepdad was making me grind for like mage staffs because he had to get a hundred of them to have some stupid thing he went up to him and said hey dad i kind of don't want to play this game anymore so don't worry i'll let your mom know that it's okay if you play more video that you

have extra video game time because what that wasn't really my point as he's just sitting there grinding the most boring part of the game he didn't stop until he got his dad some fucking mage staff but that was never quest i'm sure that shit never happens in world of warcraft no definitely not there's no children being forced to harvest you know magic beans or whatever the hell you do have you guys ever played those i played the i played the beta for everquest and i was so pissed i loved it well okay and then they ended the beta and they said okay we're deleting all of your shit when the beta ends and the real game starts and i got so pissed off i never played one again did they do it though yeah everyone got their stuff deleted in call of duty they said that

every year like all you guys you got the game early we're wiping it out you're not gonna be like first prestige when the other people get it and they never did i always they learned their lesson that time i guess the everquest thing i i've never played before but it came out and i just looked it up 99 it's an older game and i remember listening to old opie and anthony episodes where it was opie anthony and jim and anthony was super into everquest in like 2003 and he spent like 45 minutes going off and saying things that you couldn't even say on radio today because he got kicked out of his EverQuest guild. And he's like, and Stoney time, one, two, three. He called me a faggot. He said I was a loser. He said to kill myself. And I told him I'm doing my best to level up. You guys just aren't

helping me enough. And so then they set a new bare minimum for levels. They kick me out because I don't meet that. And then they start inviting girls in who are lower level than that. And so then they set a new bare minimum for levels. They kick me out because I don't meet that. And then they start inviting girls in who are lower level than that. And so, fuck you. I'm done with the game. And then Jimmy's like, are you really done? He's like, no, I've got cake. I put too much time into the game.

I've got my swords and my shield. But, oh, you know, stony time. One, two, three. He's like, I was screaming into my mic, I'm rich! I'm rich! I have more money than you! I have more sex than you! And they're like, you're old. You're an old loser.

I'm tired of getting made fun of on EverQuest Online. That was a classic one. I still pop back and listen to old classic ONA. It's so fucking funny. That's funny. That was such a good show. I should listen to classic Stern. Kyle is always hooting and hollering about how good classic Stern was.

I've never given it a shot. Oh, wow. You've got to listen to Eric the Midget. Start with Richard and Sal's prank calls Like there's big 10 hour compilations And then get yourself A cocktail and fire up A nice long Eric the Midget run

You will never look back That's not the stuff I like I like it when Stern interviews celebrities And interviews them He's maybe the best interviewer of our time And he has this knack for disarming celebrities and getting them to say things they wouldn't otherwise say he gets sort of a truth out of them they share some behind the scenes and there's some honesty that you know when

a celebrity goes on conan o'brien's show you know you're meeting who they want you to think they are right it's rehearsed. It's all bullshit. It's crap. When a celebrity goes on the Stern show, man, you're getting some depth there. And it's fun. Sometimes there's some sex shit

that they would never say anywhere else. That's like polar opposite to me when it comes to those kind of shows. Even on ONA, it'd be like, oh, now we got Brock Lesnar coming in. I'd be like, i don't fucking care like i don't care what this guy has to say but they'd be like jimmy you found a video of a retarded guy running a cooking show and we're gonna watch the whole thing and talk about i'd be like oh i'm i'm in i'm ready for this i'm ready we found a clip of a zimbabwean guy who said he invented a helicopter but it's clearly

a factory-made car with steel sheets around it and a non-functional propeller and that's a real video so so funny when they're like lifting it moving me how high have you gotten the helicopter like the south african guy asking him he's like by the way i knew that like talking in his foreign language and it's saying like it can go up to a hundred miles an hour like all this stuff for it's clearly not not a functional dude stern gets away gets away with shit in his interviews that like he would have on a star like the equivalent of ariana grande or something today did i get her name right who the hell knows the one who dated that sml guy and uh uh he'd be like you know look i'm rich and famous would you fuck a guy like me and she's like he's like i'm not afraid of your period and i'm like this is his let's see where this goes you know and he's like yeah you know he's like i we could put pantyhose on you be like

you i'll be like your first time. And I'm like, fuck. This is a conversation he's having with a major star today. And on the radio. This is XM? And I'm like, how is he getting away with it? How is she still humoring this line of interviews? Or other times it'd be legit and real. It was pretty cool.

He just, I don't know, gets away with everything it's pretty interesting yeah it's a shame he like like he's dipping in popularity so much now oh he's behind a paywall yeah he's behind the paywall and like i only know because of what kyle says that like he's kind of changed his mo trying to be more the serious interviewer less of the wacky you know off the wall guy which it's his prerogative more power to him when you've made almost like a billion dollars in your industry of choice and in that and if that industry is radio in the 2000s like you did great man you're killing it like he's like 62 isn't he that's it's hard to imagine my dad pulling some of those stunts. I feel like he's

older than that. 65? That would be the... 65 is going to be my guess. Oh, it's 65. 65, yeah. Not a lot of gas. I think he only does three times a week now, too. Man, he does not look

good. I guess he's always been an ugly man. He does not look good. He doesn't. Look at his gone-ass face and that terrible hair. But that's not new. He's looking top-notch in my pictures. Oh, I wouldn't fuck him. Well, he's a billionaire.

Actually. Did I turn it around for you? You turned it around for me? Yeah. If I fuck him, or God forbid, let him fuck me. How much of that radio coin do I have coming into my into my chest? That's what I want. Bunch of radio money. That'd be the easiest way that I guess as a guy, you can't really do that.

Like if you were like, hey, Steve Bezos, you know, bean-dipped me, was playing with my titties at the warehouse and be like, shut up, idiot. And then he cares. What is... Is bean-dipping? Terry Crews tried it. Oh, he touched me in my penis when that guy came around. I'm like, okay, Terry.

Calm down. I was like, you know, 911 guy. That was interesting to me. You bop somebody's titty like that right under their nipple you just oh i thought it was tea bagging like your little bean bag no just me no no or you know tea bagging much worse than that'd be funny if it was like jeff bezos caught tea bagging amazon employees in his uh just you know fucking san francisco warehouse and then that's just like the judge being like he's too rich no i i need my prime and i'm not i'm not on your side yeah that really is why amazon is winning so hard is prime i i ordered you know those like twist and lift scent things

yeah it has like a gel on the inside i found i don't even need those i don't need but i was browsing for like stuff to make my downstairs gym smell better and i came across an accidental prime listing that what that glade must have put out there where it was like you can get 12 of these for 12 you can get uh 10 of these for 14 and like all the standard like listings and then one person was like you can get one of these for 48 cents and i was like so i ordered i ordered 20 of them just to have and like they all arrived today and it was like why are you calling me gay yeah no no it's cool because it's it's like warm vanilla sugar and lavender scent oh yeah the most masculine of scents my wife has it but it's like it puts like vapor around the house i could

i don't know it's like a like an oil diffuser i guess so i'm like jackie like i thought our water was poison this is before the the seven thousand dollar softener system and and i'm like so you just humidify it and fill the air with it and she's like that's a good point i use bottled water like the fuck she called you on your actually you're gonna buy it go to the store and get it loud mouth oh actually i see i read on one of my mommy blogs that dasani is no good i need fiji water or give me vos give me that kind that comes in a glass bottle that white women love.

So welcome to my house. It smells like lavender mist. That is a great smell, though. I love having lavender smell around. It calms you down. Makes you feel a little more chill. I like not smell. Whatever a house's normal smell is. Maybe

wet dog or something right now anyway live in a beautiful home and it smells like dog we've got livestock living in here what do you think i was uh like i always go around and like ask our listeners for dumb ass subreddits and communities that are fun to make fun of okay and this i mentioned about this last week i should probably i should have popped back in and read more stories there's one that is called r slash telekinesis and they are people who share tips and tricks and uh tactics for moving things with their mind and success stories about it about times that they

have moved stuff with their mind and every time it is first of all none of this is real what perhaps you're not aware i just wished and prayed that hurricane dorian didn't hit florida have you been watching yeah but you didn't you didn't use neural powers you used and these are the same people in this subreddit who are like god these are the these are the absolute same people on this subreddit who on twitter are like being like dumbass christian sending hopes and prayers those people are right fucking idiots now i'm gonna move a solo cup with my mind and then i was i was reading through and i came across one that seemed like he was like trolling but everybody responded so positively that i was like god damn people

are really buying into this because most of the time it would be like someone takes a piece of paper and like has it folded up and puts it on the top of a like standing pin or something like, and then you go, they go and it moves and then they're blown away. But one guy was like, guys, I just had the most powerful telekinetic experience of my life and I've got

to share it with somebody. I've moved cups. I can, I can move small, small objects with my mind and close proximity, but I was moved cups. I can move small objects with my mind in close proximity, but I was feeling powerful. I was feeling strong today, this morning. I had energy in me.

So I closed my eyes, and I stood in the middle of my kitchen, and I focused. Everything inside me focused. I've never felt that way before in my life. My hands were clenched harder than they ever had before. My knuckles white with power. And I start to hear a rattling. I start to hear rattling around me. I open my eyes slightly. My Keurig's floating an inch over my countertop. I look to the side. The K-cups are doing a pattern, are doing a swirl there right next to it. The chairs and the kitchen table they're

not lifting because that's too much but they're wobbling and then i feel it i feel it and i look down and i'm off the ground and it was like the key to my powers people is a little lsd beforehand yeah and all of the comments are like damn dude are your dms open so i can ask for tips and tricks for for how i could make my keurig float and stuff like that and it's like please tell me you posted to this subreddit you should do it as an experiment oh well now that's gonna happen because our listenership is way fucking bigger than this community of telekinetics oh they can see it with positivity yeah and if you guys try and you you telekinesis fucks my mind shield is too powerful you couldn't break into this this steel trap if you try as a

matter of fact a counter-offensive will be launched on any who attempt it. I'll hurl Keurigs at you, but not with mind power, with fists and whatever. Mind fists. Mind fists.

You'll start hitting yourself. You'll beat yourself to shit if you try to mess with my mind. Immediate buy-in is the most frustrating part of the rampant superpowers that are going around in these communities. Well, at Burning Man last week, in a weird positivity seminar, they're going around asking people what's their biggest hurdle in their life. And you get people saying, like, oh, I can't stop sucking cock oh drugs oh i want to see my kid guy steps up to the plate and lets this one out i can see the future oh everyone everyone in everyone in unison oh wow really like oh wow really what do you mean oh wow really where where does this where does

this immediate buy-in come from harley last week could do that our guests from last week could see the future really only well what he could actually do is tell what young jewish girls were going to be like when they grew up which is fucking hilarious because he's jewish And he's like, I understand this culture. So I see one that's like a little bossy, telling her friends what to do. He's like, I got her pegged. It's kind of funny now, but I know what a grown-up version of her looks like. And there he could tell the future, but only with young Jewish girls. Dude, that guy's even dumber if he can see the future.

Because who's going to waste time at a self-help convention if you already know it's going to be sick? Yeah. Why? A lot of questions. Go make money. Are you rich? No? Okay.

My doubts are sated. No. He predicted that someone in his camp was going to have a heart attack. Aren't there like tens of thousands of people there? Yeah. Taylor, where do you even start? this line of questioning is not gonna go where you think it's gonna go does he have does he have baby aspirin i don't i don't know don't care wait give me a give me a visual what do you look like how old like do you have like dreadlocks or

anything dumb not as freaky as you think which is the which is the sad part of it, that there is so much supernatural ability not being harnessed in this country that's just sitting out there being wasted on Reddit. Guys making their Keurigs float around when they could be using their powers to lower my hairline. Do you guys ever daydream about having powers? I used to have this thing like if i could stop time i could stop time how would i use this my dumb ass idea was to be the most successful nhl goalie in history like it i'm planning it out like could i get away with this like just move an inch or two you know what would the cameras see would they think i was lightning fast or would they tell that i was

moving while time was stopped what you have to do is i've thought about this too because i played i saw you live for my entire life growing up and so like i always thought like i just have to be able to slow it down like if i could make 100 mile per hour slap shot uh 65 mile an hour slap shot why are you stopping there because you still want it to look like natural okay okay okay he's got a whole night to do he doesn't want to be there all day yeah these games are gonna take forever in my mind if i'm doing that and then i like i know that i'm too arrogant like they'd be like honestly he's gone a 12 game shutout streak i don't someone's got to score against him eventually and in my head i'd be like you gotta let one in at some point but then in the moment it'd be like nah let's run up the record a little bit i don't know

taylor like i i think my slap shot might be 65 miles an hour and it goes in sometimes yeah yeah but like if you keep your map and the trajectory and if if it seems like it's going a little too quick and i'm not ready for it slow down time a little more yeah you know take it down to 30 so you guys would use your time stopping to become NHL goalies? What would you do? What if you faced off one day? I would also, I say this every time, I would rob every bank I could find. Because that would just be fun to rob banks as a time-stopping guy. Yeah. Oh, and pants public figures on TV.

That's a good one. I would do the endless orgasm, I think. I would just hop up while Nancy Pelosi was giving an address or something, and I would beat off and come on her and then wait 15 minutes and beat off and come on. So for the newscast, it would just be an endless stream of music. Right in the face. I've heard this, but. Oh, no, you know the 4chan, fortune the cop the story where it's like he's like if i

could stop time i'd beat off and then keep it stopped beat off again and because it would take me eons to do this as i unpause time they would see gallons of cum erupting onto the person but they'd also see my hair quickly turning gray then white then falling out and my skin aging 100 years in a moment and then we're disintegrating to dust it was like oh 4chan used to be funny back in the day all right it might still be i don't go there anymore got invaded by feds is that real like like oh i did see that in their uh in their whatever they submitted like they submitted some kind of, I don't know, evidence, a lawsuit. The feds posted

their screenshot and the brackets where it says you and people are replying to you, they left them in. It's like, oh, well, you guys are in there posting up a storm, huh? That makes a lot of sense. Did you see that, Woody? It was like 8chan posts with the FBI or whoever being like,

we're finding a lot of radical content here on 8chan, and they're so dumb, they forgot to remove the U next to the content they were sharing as radical. And then it's like, oh my God, you always assume these people are real smart. They didn't even take that they posted it out. Who is they in this situation? Is it the media, the FBI?

The FBI is in there radicalizing lunatics they posted it out who who is they in this situation is the media the fbi there's the fbi is in there radicalizing lunatics and then stopping them once they've radicalized them well thanks guys dude no that that's job security that's my strategy too and chris hansen just doesn't understand me i was just gonna tell that girl that she shouldn't be going down this road oh speaking of chris hansen uh uh he's he's like looking into blade and now i think ice ice beside he's looking at i heard he was gonna talk to ice but i didn't know that ice was under any suspicion for bad behavior i'm very confused by it oh i thought that happened last to him for being the guy that hosts these streams. I don't know.

Maybe, but like, what, debauchery? Debauchery? Mischief? No good shenanigans? Let's see. Yeah, there's really not a lot of helpful tips here on the subreddit he has. It's mostly just jokes, which is fine.

Wait, wait. Are we still on the telekinesis subreddit? Oh, no. I went to the Ice Poseidon subreddit to try and figure out the... The new one, the IP2? Yeah. Oh, okay. You know what you're doing.

Oh, I know the drill. Probably. Yeah. Man, this poor Bjorn guy. Poor Bjorn guy? Is he not being loved right now? He seems like he's always loved. I just feel bad for him because every time Kyle or them is introducing something about this group of people,

it's always like, and Bjorn's going to get yelled at by his ugly wife again for something. It's like, oh, that stinks. But whatever. He seems to be having a good time i i look i don't know what i'm talking about i'm way out of so forgive me if i get all this wrong ip historians is bjorn being a good husband it seems like he's leaving his family for long periods of time and going rv rides with kids having sex and raping each other and such? Is this, like, it's not something my wife would want me to do?

No, probably not. But he keeps coming back, and so she must be chill about the money. I have no idea what the funds are like for drinking in an RV with a bunch of characters. What's their water filtration system like at home? No, they've got hard water. That's why Jackie wouldn't be down. You don't want that. What is hard water?

It wasn't even hard. On a scale of 1 to 10, it was like a 3. I looked it up on Google and they're like, this is soft or not very hard. But on the report the guy gave us, they're like, oh soft or like not very hard but on the on the report the guy gave us they're like oh it's a three that's that's kind of hard this is this is borderline ice it's so hard it means there's minerals in it and uh it can get your appliances and such

like crusty don't you want minerals like when you're drinking it what's his fuck the guy who fakes survival stuff sometimes Bear Grylls he's all about minerals and vitamins he wouldn't be able to survive on soft water he wouldn't get his magnesiums

look chicks aren't happy until they've ruined everything in your life including the water so now Woody's got slime in his house. Showering in slime. You can't wipe it off of your skin. It's gross. I didn't know this was a thing. It's not slime, either.

I wonder what's happening. And you get slime all over your hand, you know. His house is ovulating. I understand. I understand what's going on here, Woody. It's all right. You don't have to tell me. I haven't noticed any slime.

I'll give you my own report. Yeah, you need to come over. Slimery. It'd be like, Woody, you've got a slime level of three. It's moderately slime, but according to me, it's really slimy. I don't know. I'm going to review your house. Wow, you're getting ripped off here

numbers all over the place i got a 10 10 and this is not necessary we have three like six foot tall scuba tanks in the garage just like doing jesus christ yeah you need to have like an honest plumber out there who's like ah old industry trick water's water my friend that's what happened to my parents house and then i said you guys fucked up your water i'm out i'm not showering in this shit it was all a scam to get you to move out of the house maybe i'm not washing my shitty underwear in this if i have to listen to one more of his moaning screaming girlfriends for another night let's make the water slimy and get this fuck out of the house

oh so dick you're a ufc fan right uh not really no why There's a big fight this weekend between, Lord help me, Khabib Nurmagomedov and Dustin Poirier. And they're the 155-pound champion and interim champion. And they're going to go against each other. One's an amazing wrestler. The other's an amazing striker, I'll say. And we're going to see those two styles square off. I think Khabib is the favorite because, I don't know, he's always the hammer, never the nail.

Everything he tries to do is what seems to happen in the fights. No one's cracked this nut before. How can it be cracked? He seems pretty intense, too, outside of the ring. Dude, outside of the ring. So he's Dagestani. And they have a culture that keeps him humble. He lives at home.

He lives with his dad. I don't know. He has siblings. But in that culture, the youngest kid doesn't move out of the house. They just stay with the parents forever. So here he is. I'm going to estimate his net worth at like 15 million dollars he has a wife i think he has kids and he lives with his dad that he goes upstairs and has dinner and stuff like he he lives

at home um in dagestan yes but he trains in america so that like i don't know how does that even work like he doesn't commute whatevs um and uh uh i guess it keeps him humble he's always worried like he'll use a he doesn't use a lot of bad words and he'll probably keeps him infuriated if i had to share a house with my father i would i would also be ufc uh champion of the world for whatever lard ass my weight class would be he seems to have a genuine fear of his father he's like conor mcgregor no problem i will kick that guy's ass but if my dad saw that i just dropped the f-bomb in an interview he will kick my ass like don't do not tell my dad do not tell my dad yeah and like i like i have to load something in the back of the truck if my dad comes out here make a caca sound so i know to just

run away so i don't get criticized for the rest of my life over what i'm doing wrong here and then dustin poirier this guy was a good fighter he was doing well he was always kind of like a top 10 guy and then he grew out his hair and he's like samson but his hair's not long it's just amazing he went from this guy that looked kind of weird with a shaved head there's these memes like Cain Velasquez was amazing, but not at elevation. He got beat. So C-level Cain is unbeatable. The other Cain is easy to beat.

Full training camp Chad Mendez is supposed to be really tough. Motivated BJ Penn. And now salon quality Dustin Poirier cannot be beaten. This guy was always kind of a weird looking fuck. And now he is clearly perhaps the best looking guy in the UFC. This is a UFC that contains Luke Rockhold. Yeah. I can see a picture.

Yeah, I bet the fans want to see too. I'll look up Dustin Poirier. He's good looking as fuck. But only since he got his hair done, you know who i don't like is that guy sage north cut because he is just so much better looking than me yeah he said in a way that the chasm is it's like an it's like are we the same species oh he's kind of got a proud boy haircut going on here does that what he has all the almost not quite not quite most of the pictures i'm finding aren't aren't really showing

off like you know it's him mid-fight him post-fight like black eye no i i got one for you uh i see the before he's got tiny face i know this gentleman's i know this gentleman's pain. He's got a very tiny face on a big muscular head. But before, he looks like a convict. And now with that hair, he looks like UFC Ken. Here, let me send you these. I like that look. You are way too into this guy, Woody. What you calling me?

You're way too judgy, dick. He's handsome. Can we just stop there? I'm not confident enough to go with this like shaved on the sides as you put it proud boy haircut but because i feel like my head's too unattractive it's just too big but think of how many more weeks you could go in between haircuts if i just went full that you know let me let me throw this out at you tay Taylor. If you shaved the sides of your head but left the top like a salon quality Dustin Poirier, people looking at it, would that not give your face a little less round

and a little more tall? It might. Do you know what? I'll just ask him next time. Give me the, what is that called? Proud Boys, I guess. Give me the Proud Boy. No, give me the Proud Man.

I'm a man. I'm a proud man with a big head. I think you should go with like a friar haircut. Shave it all in the middle and have a circle. That would look dignified. Nice. Circular hair. Go in there and say, give me the male pattern baldness.

Give me a Costanza. And not the early seasons. give me a 98 costanza uh yeah so these two are gonna fight i'm super interested in it i i don't really have anyone to vibe with on this because i'm the only one but uh it's this weekend and i can't wait to see what happens when this you know rock hits hammer, things that aren't supposed to hit each other. I guess I don't really know where I'm going with that. But, yeah, I don't know who's going to win this, and I like it when that happens in a fight. And they both think they're going to win.

That's a cool thing, too. Like, both of them seem to have this idea that it's inconceivable they might lose. And I find that interesting when they both walk. Because at some point during that fight, we will get to see one of them realize he was wrong. And that dynamic, I just love to see it. This would be good to wash the taste of that McGregor-Mayweather fight out of my mouth. I'm still bummed at the spectacle of that. So, maybe I'll check it out

that show or that fight was so boring and i knew it wasn't me not knowing anything about fighting because my friend who does amateur mma all the time and goes around and fights was like yep um this sucks sorry i invited everybody over this just isn't very fun to watch that happens to me with boxing a lot and it could be yeah i don't know the striking game as well as i know the ground game so i might not be getting it you know i like i only like rocky style haymakers maybe like i just i remember dick has expertise but um it did change like it changed at some point to become more about points and it got real boring after that. It got real boring to watch,

such that only the major heavyweight fights would get any kind of attention. But I don't know. I think people watch it for something to do now. I don't know how many people are watching those fights because they actually enjoy it anymore. Hmm. Yeah.

Not like UFC where you really understand immediately what it means to get the shit kicked out of you on the ground. Dude, it's how awful it must be, right? You go into this fight, you've been training for months, you you're hyped you're prepared you're ready you think you've got every circumstance and backup circumstance game planned out and then you go in there and he's sitting on your chest punching you in the face and you're like god i changed my mind you know i i want i want to be an elementary school teacher this is fucking horrible he keeps punching me like it's almost inconsiderate at this point it's uh and and somebody loses all these fights it's when that's

one thing i like about going in person to the ufc event when you go when you watch on tv they fight and then you see the winner you don't see the loser you don't see the guy who's like hopes and dreams were dashed a guy who thought he was and half the ufc is like two fights away from a title shot or a title eliminator like it only takes three four wins in a row which is very hard to get but that's all it takes so they're all like man if i had won this my life would have changed i mean this win would have taken me to a title eliminator. Most of them are like a win from a title eliminator and they lose and it matters so much. You know, this Philadelphia 76ers, I've been watching NBA lately. They lose and it's what

ebbs. You know, it doesn't matter. You're going to lose 30 games a season and then you'll make the playoffs and then you'll be fine. Like that that's fine but in the mma world if you lose a fight oh you're so fucked you know and if you lose two in a row now you're thinking about getting cut unless you're a big name so watching the losers is interesting to me like the way that it matters this this fight. It's the exact opposite of baseball. Now, I don't watch baseball at all, even though everybody in this city is fucking obsessed with the cards. But, like, first game I've been to in years and years, I was there watching, and there was a play

where they hit it out to the left field, I guess, and it was kind of in between the shortstop and the left fielder. And if you're watching most sports, like those guys are like hauling there. You could tell neither of them wanted to deal with getting the ball. And I was kind of like, what the hell? Where's the hustle? Where's the effort here?

And then I looked up at the giant ass Megatron at Bush Stadium, and it showed like the St. Louis's record and fucking who'd we play? San Francisco Giants' record and it was like, Cardinals' record is 80 and 60? Oh my God! And there's still like 30 games left?

No wonder they don't give a fuck. I'm not even mad. I don't even care. I feel like in the NBA, NHL, NFL, they're all like the four games. Like, yeah,

come on. This matters. We got it. We got to make sure we, we're going for the playoffs this year. Baseball. It seems like the writing can be on the wall. Like immediately,

immediately where they're like, well, the season begins. Yeah. Well, fuck, especially because baseball has their silly cap system where it's like, yeah,

just kind of just spend what you can no parody at all in baseball it's like yes so new york's gonna be good uh sorry fucking who's who's a terrible but who's a terrible baseball team probably pittsburgh are they terrible well they cheat you're a you're a dodgers fan, I know, right? Not anymore. The drinking, the crackdown on the drinking is too much. What do you mean?

At Dodger Stadium. You can't tailgate anymore. They have a new scanner so that if you have any alcohol in your stomach, they will suck it out of your... A big muscular cop will walk up to you and plant his lips on yours and then just suck it right out of your stomach. Oh, yeah. Dude, Pittsburgh is terrible.

I've always wanted to go to Dodger Stadium. And I guess that purely on the fact that their city has a bad economy. You know, like I knew it. They probably are. I looked at the standings. They're last in their division. Ha-ha. Seems like the Dodgers are always pretty good.

Yeah, we blew two World Series in a row. Last one in the year before. They didn't even show up to play the last time versus Boston. The Dodgers have the most wins in MLB. Oh, do we? Are we going to go blow another World Series this year? I think your odds are good. You might lose it this year, Dick. Get excited.

It was bad enough the first year when we were playing, was it the Astros? And it was Houston strong all fucking day across every game is how important this win was to them because of their fucking flood. And how every single shot was a close-up on Houston Strong. Houston Strong, like, oh, fuck off. And then the next year, it was the Red Sox, who are obviously the worst winners possible to win without even putting up a fight.

It was disgusting. I don't know who we're going to lose against this without even putting up a fight was disgusting. I don't know who we're going to lose against this year. Maybe ISIS can feel the team at the last minute and they can kick our ass in our own city. And by air bud rules, there's nothing that says ISIS can't have a team. Up next is Muhammad, Muhammad,

Muhammad. We, we think they're messing with their batting order a bit. Beards are hard to discern. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Last time the cards made it was 2013 and we lost to Boston, but then we beat those Bruin Fox and the Stanley cup this year.

And so we even the score there. And I don't give a fuck if the Cards win another World Series for the next however many years. I never watch anyway. Last time they won in 2011, I wasn't paying attention. When they won in 06 or whatever, I wasn't paying attention. They already have like 11 or 12 of them. Enough.

Let the Dodgers have one. How many do the Dodgers have? Quite a bit, right? I have no idea. Probably a lot. I remember them winning when I was a kid. That's why I was excited about it, because the last time they were in the World Series,

I think it was 88. I was a kid. Oh, wow. My friend Randy and I went almost every night down to this bar to watch the games. But damn, it was a bad. And the worst part of it is watching boston fans trying to act like good sports like good winners about it which they clearly have never done before like

just trying not to burst with enthusiasm like oh well you guys played a good game and we didn't play a good game man it wasn't a good game just let it just let it out just do what you want to do go run tip our cars all right like you would have been like you would have said all right boston thanks for keeping it real for you know celebrating and being douches but it's also kind of nice being a team facing a boston team because the entire country is like come on not boston come on like the entire in the entire hockey subreddit was like well except for Chicago fans, they were still like, Boston, please beat

St. Louis. Don't give them a win. But other than that, everybody was saying, fuck them. It was so cathartic to watch because for years, the Bruins and a lot of their fans, it's not fair to paint all their fans like this, but I'm going to because it's better. They'd be like, dude, the big bad Bruins dude, they show up to town and people are afraid

of them. Look at Shara. Shara's throwing his fucking body around. How are you going to stop that? Like doing that kind of shit. And then the Blues ended up this year out Bruins-ing the Bruins, where the Blues are bigger and stronger and better than the Bruins. And they start hammering the Bruins to the point that the Bruins are getting injured like five games in.

And they're like, this isn't hockey, dude. They're just fucking bruising us up. How tall is that Colton Pareko kid? Six, seven. Jesus. What's he doing out there? And so like they,

like there was so much sour, like, Oh, the blues are just being dirty and shit. And like, I was just sitting at home like, yes, yes.

A little comeuppance. You know, you guys can't even be sad about this. You want to have of days ago. Brad Marchand guy or whatever his name was. Brad Marchand, which when he licked that guy's face, very, very funny. I'll never take that away from him. But as a whole, him crying, that picture of him was trending on Twitter that night

where they had the guy filming the championship was like, all right, we're going to do five seconds of the Blues celebrating, and let's give 20 seconds of Brad Marchand crying into his glove. And I was like, you bitch. Fuck you. So I'm from Philadelphia, and I still have the Philadelphia culture in my head as to what sports arenas should be like.

If those Boston fans had won in Philly, they would be saying to themselves holy fuck we've got to get out of here it's dangerous they're gonna hit us they're gonna hurt us they keep pushing us around how many people are spilling their beer on me right now for wearing the opposing team's jersey that like philadelphia is nasty it's not a good place to watch your home team's games unless unless you're from Philly. See, that's the St. Louis effect, too. The people that will attack you when you leave the arena

had no idea there was even a hockey game on tonight. It's just the local culture. I came here, and not that I'm some tough guy beating everyone up. I don't mean that. But Pittsburgh fans would just be proudly walking with their fucking Sidney Crosby as if he's not a homo jerseys on. And I'm like, no one's going to hit them? He's just walking around feeling safe here in Raleigh?

That's how we – Here in Raleigh. Okay, then. I guess when in Rome, don't beat up sydney crosby fans okay but yeah you gotta bring it down there what are you right just follow me just take it all like dude what would like yeah i love that i love philly fans come on take a shot it feels good get drunk and see this do it the same thing philly fans like like takes on crosby is always the

funniest thing because it's like undeniable he's one of the greatest players of all time and if you look at the teams he actually does best against he absolutely bends over the flyers and rapes them regularly he like averages like 1.8 points a game. He's more likely to score against Philly than not. That's probably not true. He'll be like, ah, this guy stinks. He's the worst. He's dumb. And also, did you know he's a crybaby?

And Sidney Crosby's over there being like, yeah, I'm really bummed out about my shitty mustache. Can I go live in my $100 million house and cry into my three Stanley Cup rings? I'm glad you mentioned the facial hair because it's god awful yeah i will be on your side for that he looks ridiculous absolutely better than zidane ochara's facial hair for the bruins who's 42 years old and six foot ten and from czechoslovakia he looks like he's four people sewn together he's a monster his face isn't lined up right jesus christ i wouldn't say i do his face though

no that's how rod brindamore is he's older probably people thought i don't know him but dude yeah blues drafted him i don't know did they yep i didn't realize he played i thought he was in philly first but my mistake anyway that guy's face which just so ruined by a decade of hockey that it looked like he was a burn victim or something. Everything about him, his nose is all twisted. He's got so many scars. And I'd see him. I'd look at the little this year's photos of all the players. And there's some handsome 21-year-old dude from Finland.

And then some guy who's had two decades of cross checks to the nose and i'm like oh i don't like your future finish dude yeah and sometimes it happens really fast this poor kid zach warinski on the uh columbus blue jackets he's a defenseman he's like 19 years old a couple years ago like probably like stoked as fuck to be playing as a rookie and doing very well and he got hit with a stick and it straight up just cut his lip in half oh no and it was like man like you and you were a way better looking guy than i am not anymore you know now you got that maybe you should get into marketing ph The Joaquin Phoenix hair lip No you don't want that

Yeah my friend had that Maybe time for a mustache now Probably That would have a hair lip too Maybe If you want your body to hold up well Part your mustache with the scarf Yeah I part my mustache over here

Yeah part it If you side. I part my mustache over here. Yeah, I part it over here. If you want a bunch of money and for your body to hold up real good and you're playing sports, is there anything better than baseball? It's got to be baseball, right? Maybe tennis? Tennis? Golf?

I think you're right with soccer. Oh, golf. Golf, you're on the the right path there they all seem to have you have to be really really good like an average pro golfer doesn't make a ton of money right or do how much is a ton i only know golf info from uh happy gilmore like seven figures a year like seven i think all those top 40 guys make a million a year. If you make the cut, yeah. But that's 40. Think about it.

How many people are in Major League Baseball? There's 40 per team, I think. Yeah, probably at least 40 per team. And there's 30 teams, which is at least... Incalculable. It's incalculable. It's overalculable. It's over a thousand. Probably.

Isn't that the most embarrassing thing when you're in a real conversation with someone and you're like, I mean, there's eight of us here. They're all going to eat eight pastries. And if we all chip in three dollars, then we'll be safe. Let's get 70 to be

safe, right? You've got to change the subject when any math starts coming. Like, I see where this is going. Dessert, dessert, dessert. Who's in for dessert? Never mind all this. Never mind. You ever make like really dumb like really just like dumb like little comments about like a tip or something there where like it'll be the total will be like

50 and you're about to leave a five dollar tip on accident or something like someone will notice you'll be like yeah but like no yeah no totally like i i knew i was making a mistake uh i actually, I just thought the service was bad, is what I thought it was. I didn't know that. Being shitty at mental math. That's pretty bad. Actually, I'm not bad at mental math. It's my nines that get me. No, I'm joking.

I can't let the listeners know how retarded i am we gotta keep that on the down low gotta keep that under wraps under wraps friends so real quick before we jump on to the next thing quick word from our buddies over at casper and yes this episode of pka is brought to you by casper mattresses casper is is a sleep brand that makes expertly designed products to help you get your best rest one night at a time. Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, provide supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies. Their breathable design helps you sleep cool and regulate your body temperature throughout the night. Casper offers two mattresses, the Wave and the Essential. The Wave features a patent-pending premium support system

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White Castle. Hey, guys, what's on the docket tonight, cool kids? We're just going to head down to the castle. White Castle, Casper Mattress, Blue Truth. That's a Woody's Gamer Tag date night right there. And if I can't get a date, World of Warcraft. Dude, I remember being so stoked when i would finish up like being 12 13 or whatever hockey games and i'd like have some

hockey friends back to my house afterward on like a saturday night for like a sleepover and you hang out and play video games and do whatever 12 year olds do and when my dad would be like i'm getting a crave case and it was just like i was just so like because when you're 12 and you hear you're getting 30 cheeseburgers it's like oh 30 they sell them in 30s and then he'd also hit me with those chicken rings and those cheese fries and those cheese fries fantastic haven't had them in years but i i have some fond memories of eating the hell out of those. And then getting in a hot tub with a friend of mine who had folliculitis on his feet and he didn't shower after he played hockey and he gave all of us hot tub folliculitis. So where did you get it? Like, like on your feet.

Oh, okay. I was afraid. I don't know why. I'm like, oh, he had it. His feet. He went in the hot tub. Now Taylor has like scrotum and anus folliculitis. No, no.

If I remember, it was like feet and then oddly enough like a little bit of elbow. And then it kind of just went away after a little bit. But I never let that fuck in our hot tub ever again. That's bad. Good for you. It was like you're a piece of shit did you guys new topic trump and hurricane dorian have you been following this at all i you know i tend not to follow hurricanes because they're so far away let me lay this out

so trump is there and he's warning people in america hey bundle up do what you're supposed to do evacuate if you're on the coast or whatever he says if you're in florida georgia south carolina north carolina or alabama be careful and a lot of people are like uh hold on alabama and alabama if you don't know these states are off the top of your head doesn't have a coastline on the Atlantic Ocean, right? It would have to go through Florida or Georgia to get to Alabama, at which point it would be really weak. Doesn't it do this sometimes, though? Sorry? I thought sometimes those could even, like, fuck with Mississippi, which is west of Alabama.

If it came through the Gulf instead of across Florida, it could. But it wasn't forecasted to do that that wasn't the thing uh anyway alabama's safe i see this and i'm like whatever you know i i attribute i empathize with the whole you stick a mic in front of someone long enough and stupid will come out like it yeah us on pka we know this better than most so i write it off but not trump trump doubles down. He's like, yeah, fucking Alabama. Don't tell me I was wrong.

Alabama's in danger. And I'm like, what? Why is he doubling down? The National Weather Service is like, no, Alabama, you're fine. The governor of Alabama is like, no. I'm not saying Trump is wrong, but don't worry if you're in Alabama. Everything's cool. We don't have any. Then he triples down and quadruples down.

And then he's doing this briefing, this weather forecast. He's in like the Oval Office or wherever the fuck he is. And he has this map of the hurricane and where it's going to go. And then this like cone of uncertainty. I did see this. So then he takes a fucking Sharpie and adds a little Alabama to the path of it. Dude, in the history of trolling, there has never been someone as good as that. Just like when he, like, what's her name?

Some like Klobuchar or some dumb, you know, candidate who had no chance dropped out. And Trump was like, oh, that's a damn shame that Klobuchar dropped out. She's the only one I was afraid of. I saw that photo of the marker, and it really is just like... This guy loves his Sharpies. It was totally Trump who did it. There's a Sharpie on his desk he has custom made all black sharpies no all gold sharpies are they okay my mistake yeah like he doesn't have

the stupid gray ones and everyone he has gold sharpies from sharpie he said whenever you see that like is really distinctive signature on the bills and such that's done in sharpie so that you can see his signature he doesn't use regular pens and it's sharpie he did it he did it and uh i don't like i see you're like oh he's trolling it's funny he's a master i think it's a very positive slant on a guy who just can't admit that he's wrong he wants it to be true he keeps doubling down and this is i mean there are some people who listen to the president and think the truth comes out and when you're talking about hurricane pass like maybe it's a place you're supposed to be responsible i mean yeah you know that i don't really like defend him much anymore like i'm kind of done with trump at this point oh no say it ain't so taylor he needs your defense now more than ever

people in alabama are gonna get picked off by this hurricane if you start talking about trump now no but like the uh this i don't know much about this it seems like he's just being a retard he's like no i'm like i'm pretty sure but i was falling asleep at 7 30 that that that's what they were saying on the weather channel lots of people said this like they always say yes when i ask them things so like and but the the club buchar whoever that was that i think i even i never retweet him and i retweeted that because that was the funniest thing i've heard from him and that was true forever yeah that was that was absolutely i don't know if he said he was scared of her if he blamed her dropping out for the reason the stock

market lost like no no he was he no he said that he was that he was she's the only one i'm afraid of oh really okay i might be thinking of a different one but yeah he played yeah that that happened too he blamed one of the democrat maybe it was a governor or something but yeah that was trolling maybe he's cracking up i mean it's got to be a hard job to keep yourself sane and entertained uh once in a while when you're working in the white house and having having so many people treat you like shit all day every day what we need is for the stock market to stay on the same trajectory as baron trump's height because that's going to be the tallest it's really

really i thought i could think he's like 12 years old and he's like two inches taller than trump no he's he's a he's a big kid he's you know if he ever became president he's on target to beat lincoln as the tallest god i know that kid's enormous he was not enormous on inauguration day because he's in the midst of he's eating that he's got you know he's like baron what do you want for lunch fuck it i'm ordering 900 sandwiches for he's gawky as fuck too i love this continuation of this thing like what's it even continuing where he's got it drawn into alabama yeah that's the the cone that he's saying the path is going to be that's oh this is great this is one of the funniest things he's ever done like who fucking cares every time there's some

kind of big disaster and the president comes out and gets to pretend to be president it's like the most embarrassing part of our of the spectacle of our governance. I hate it every time. I hate that the president comes out and says the same thing that was said like a year ago. Last time a hurricane wiped out a bunch of morons like we don't we don't need it. I would like completely false information from Trump. I would like him to just wing it entirely. Give him a Give him a blank

poster board and a multi-colored pack of Sharpies and say, you know what? Just go for it. I would like to give him a map of the country without the state's names and ask him to fill it in. See how that goes. Oh, yeah. That would be funny.

I think he would get 30 of them. I think he'd get 30 or so if we're being nah i bet you get more like these little ones in northeast no one knows these they're hard man people from the middle of the country are gonna do way better at that game than people on the coasts well you might be right i find the ones the square ones that all look the same in the middle to be like a i know all of those bing bang boom uh-huh midwest guy i know all of the the square states do you know maryland from delaware

you better believe i do okay i thought i was gonna get you maryland delaware and i know vermont from new hampshire because vermont is the v i remember when i took when my teacher like like i i was too young in like third grade to like know they were trying to use that as a teaching tip where she was like and you know vermont is the v there so you'll always also know what new hampshire is and the capital of vermont is mont pelier and that doesn't have a v in it but now you remember and i remember thinking like in my little kid version like dumb bitch doesn't know. She just gave me the answer.

It's literally her job. But like looking back, it was like, Oh no, she was teaching me as a teacher is wants to do. You guys should try it. It's my nephew had a guest, the States game or point where they are in the map.

And he kicked our ass last night. It was, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I was like, oh shit, there really are 50 of these things. Guess the States game. Let's find it. Find the States Sporkle Quiz. You only got seven minutes to do it.

Let's see. Is this good content or bad content? I think it'd be fun to too but i don't know people want about seven minutes of me like this one might be nebraska probably off air he did maybe he's drawing this to look like a dick on purpose it's got two balls that would be funny if he gave it a head yeah washington oregon california nevada idaho montana wyoming utah arizona new mexico colorado nebraska south kota north kota minnesota michigan Yeah, Washington, Oregon, California, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota, Michigan, Iowa, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana. Oh, I could do this fucking easy.

No, I'm looking at the Sporkle quiz sheet. There's nothing on there. Oh. I just went like top to bottom over and over. Yeah, dude, Midwestwest people bees knees at this game because you guys have no idea what's going on in the middle of the country i'm a little fuck top center and especially oklahoma and texas i know louisiana looks like an l but uh if you know the little chef guy trick where tennessee is flipping kentucky as a piece of fried chicken that makes

it a little easier wow you know you know all these tricks all the tricks are you currently in elementary school that's it no i just hang around a lot of them i know tennessee and kentucky but i'm not seeing the flipping thing it's uh missouri is the torso iowa is the head minnesota is the chef's hat arkansas are the pants louisiana is the shoes and then tennessee is the pan and kentucky is the fried chicken i see it although i i see the chef and the pan and how he's flipping it i'm not 100 sure where missouri is in this it's just the torso between the head and the pants and what are the pants again the pants is arkansas directly below yeah yeah i'm fucked in this game yeah and that head what was that again that's iowa iowa all right and here's some Dakotas over here, and that's Michigan with that thing,

and Wisconsin, and what's the hat? The hat is Minnesota. Ah, yeah, well, that makes sense. All right, toughest part. What are the two on the bottom left, the big one and the little one? Alaska and Hawaii? They are rough.

Hawaii is almost as big as Alaska In this map I'm so smart I'm flexing on knowing All 50 states in the country That I live in It's the capital of New Jersey Shit town He's actually right about that Stinkville USA

It's Trenton It's Trenton stinkville usa uh it's trenton no it's trenton ah it's sort of this because like trenton is the one that's known in new jersey for being shitty right i don't know you can cut limit it to just one like but that's mostly not i always assume most of the jersey hate was like i've never been to jersey unless i've like gotten laid over on a flight there but i always assume most of that hate was because of new yorkers shitting on new jersey not necessarily because new jersey actually sucks i think new yorkers appropriately shit on jersey but they only see the top half of it which is like the sopranos sort of more congested industry part of new jersey and then the bottom half is the Garden State area.

And people don't see it like that. Also, if you get way up there, it's more like you'd think of upstate New York. Like if you go further, the very tip of it. Is upstate New York nice? Yeah, it's like skiing and mountains and trees. Okay. Well, other than knowing the states,

we definitely don't have any geographic benefits here. If you'd sell pot, you border all the other states, it seems. Yeah, Missouri, we border more states than anyone, but fucking Illinois, those assholes just legalized it. And so they're going to be the ones making all the money. And so... You could have had fewer potholes, maybe. No, they fucking suck. But I bet every state thinks they have the worst situation for potholes.

Like, or shitty roads. I think the ones that get freezing have the toughest way. When I lived in New Jersey, I used to cycle a lot. I like bicycle. And it was awful. But all these states down south, south i'm like do you guys get the same amount of highway funding per mile because that's horse shit south carolina's not getting any snow georgia's not getting any snow new jersey gets a a good icing snow the plows come along and the roads over that weekend got ruined every year and that just doesn't happen here we don't even have

snow my town is raleigh and there's no snow removal equipment in the city of raleigh that's ridiculous we don't have any salt i like those clips from like southern california or alabama where they'll get like three and a half inches of snow and it's calamitous like people are sliding all over the place they have no idea how to drive they're like well i'm accelerating in my two-wheel drive car just like i normally do and i'm spinning out and hitting all the the kids on the the scooters on the sidewalk they're like all right schools are canceled for tomorrow they're forecasting as much as two inches and i'm like really you're not even gonna wait and see if there was no snow but no school but hey a snow forecast shuts it down here it's really gotta like piss off people from

montana where it's like it's minus 20 and there's 10 inches of snow we're going to see your asses at school normal time. Middle finger over the radio. I remember we were from South Jersey, and we got like a new superintendent or something. And all the kids were like, no, she's from Massachusetts. We're fucked. She's not calling us snow day unless we get 18 inches. No, this is the end of snow days because my principal's boss is from Massachusetts. And I think

it pretty much went down like that. One of the snow days in high school we had some of my friends, I wasn't even with them, but they told me about it later and it was one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life, is they were driving there were maybe

four or five of them in the car in this big nice yukon xl that was one of their parents they were driving around on highway 40 around here and it's a major highway there was snow on it they hadn't even like scraped it off yet and so they were sliding like on the highway not on not like intentionally sliding but like not being that safe and then one of the kids was like you know it would be hilarious as if i shit out of the open window of this car right now and he he opened the window on the front seat and put his ass out and then just shit but it was like a watery shit and it painted the side of the mom's uh yukon xl and his anus i assume and he couldn't wipe

because they didn't think that far forward and so he had to sit back into the car and then the back passengers another buddy of mine was so gross i was like he actually threw up because his friend had poopy butt okay yeah and so then they had to go to like a waterway which i don't know if that's everywhere it's just a car like heavy duty car Yeah, and so then they had to go to like a waterway, which I don't know if that's everywhere. It's just a car, like heavy duty car cleaning place around here. And they had to go to one that, I don't even know how it was open. And they cleaned it up somehow.

Maybe this is not that uncommon a scenario in waterway thought ahead. Maybe it's not. No, we got to stay open. This is prime shit season from drunk high school kids. Was it funny? I wasn't there. This was all secondhand told to me.

Because if I would have been there, I probably would have put a stop to it. Because I would have absolutely foreseen the shit smell coming back in the car, which would impact me. Yeah, I would have foreseen the poopy butt. I instantly saw that coming. This wasn't a high IQ group of people. No, it wasn't at all. Was it his first time shitting? How does he not understand how that works

at that point in his life? Nine times out of ten, maybe more you need to wipe. This same group of people did something called the poop bandits, where they would go around and do poop. Wait, poop band it was a collection of people there were people there were uh there was one person copycat crimes there were there were copycat copy crap crimes and uh no there was one main poop bandit who was the the bell of the

bull when it came to being a poop bandit like he was the guy who wrote the ha ha ha you'll never catch me in shit on stall doors at school during school hours i'm wow like a like a in and out like a demon's whisper that guy you never knew how he did it but then there was another group that was that would do like out of school antics where like they would go and and shit on like people's electrical boxes at their house uh they one of them pooped in uh some old man who they didn't like uh through the moonroof of his lexus once they they shit in there which that one first of all you've made enemies with high schoolers old man close your moonroof second of all come on don't shit in a man's car well that the moonroof is sealed right a moonroof only tips open so maybe it was a sun oh then i don't know the

difference uh sunroof then whatever the kind is that slides oh god so yeah that was a that was a degenerate group of friends and i haven't been in touch with them for a while but uh you should circle back and see how they're doing i wonder how those kids turned out i'm gonna shoot them a text did you guys have weird groups of people in your high school like that who did off the wall like wildly inappropriate pranks and antics i like that we had a stink bomb problems in our school people you could bring like a little glass vial kind of and they'd put it on the stairs between periods and then i you could barely understand how crowded the hallways were as

people switch classes it was just like sardines I think even more so than in most schools. So anything you put on the stairs would get stepped on, and that was what would trigger it. So the person who placed it there was long gone by the time the smell happened. And stink bombs are super effective. It happened all the time. They have something now called liquid ass.

Okay, I heard about that. That you can spray, and it's that same effect and i've heard i mean i'm way too old to be you know cavorting with high schoolers now but i've heard that's made that's made quite a stir with with high school kids so yeah there's this weirdo that calls into my show every once in a while who loves liquid ass he can stop. He sprays it on all his neighbors' doors. He's really infatuated with it. How old is this guy? 40-something. He's 40-something. What a maniac.

Yeah, he's a maniac. I don't think we had any pranksters at my school. Everyone drove off campus for lunch, so there wasn't a lot of idle hands. We were playing pranks. That would have been a good system to help our school. I remember there was a guy when we graduated who was going around lighting people's pants on fire. When everybody had that frayed jeans look, the gigantic jeans that were all frayed in the bottom.

He would army crawl under picnic tables and light their uh light the phrase on fire um and one time he went too far and the guy's pants actually caught on fire and started going up him and uh this dude not too far away uh kind of like a triangle from where we were sitting uh he stands up and he says, the guy's name is on fire. He goes, oh shit, this motherfucker's on fire. And he grabs a Coke and throws it at him. Hits him right in the neck with a full Coke, a sealed Coke can.

It's a can of Coke? A can of Coke. I don't know what he thought, if it would explode on impact like a water balloon but all i know is i hear a guy's on fire and i look up sure enough the guy's on fire and then another guy just pelts him with a full pressurized soda can now you have two problems wow that guy's today i guess oh that that guy's i like to think that he saw his opportunity and he took it i like to think that too i've always secretly thought that my whole life that he always wanted to throw a coke at somebody and he saw that guy on fire just said ah fuck it no one will think

that people enough people will buy this enough people are dumb enough to buy this and he i thought it was open i I had this. So I'm a freshman in high school, right? And I'm nervous and I'm super small. We've talked about that in a million different ways, but it's relevant. I'm not even through my first day yet. And I'm in this like study hall or something. And I'm sitting next to these two older girls in high school. They're juniors or seniors.

And they spot me as fresh meat to like tease and fuck with. Oh. So somehow. How big were their tits? Look, good enough. They were good enough. For like that version of me,

anything would have done. And I remember them telling me like, I don't know, like, sex happened all the time. And they made this innuendo that they'd have a three-way with me. But they're like, I bet you don't even know how to have sex with two women at one time. Like, what position would you use? And I'm too nervous to, like, think something up. But I still wonder.

I thought about this last night. Was there some way I could have played my cards right right like some way that i could have been like huh i've got a couple ideas do you want to meet me behind the bleachers like it was there any universe where these girls making fun of my sexual inexperience could have been turned around to generate my sexual experience. I mean, you could have said something like, usually I sleep with pretty girls. No, that's not, that wasn't the goal, Taylor. Begging? Oh, no, I was meaning like just to like, just to like make a laugh.

Because you're clearly not going to bang him anyway. You may as well get a laugh out of it. That's the question. Right now, look, if there's a 97% chance they they won't fuck me there's a chance they will right incalculable but there's a chance i then that's your groundhog's day woody you could just read your time stop power fuck being an nhl goalie you can just relive this day over and over and try to fuck those two chicks in your study how would my universe have changed like how what what if i would have been cool like super cool you'd be the principal of the school i just like if i had been slick enough these girls were making

fun of me like i bet you don't even know what a three-way with two girls would be and and in my head i'm not saying anything clever, but I'm like, dude, I got like five ideas right now. Like, you know, that we could do different sequences and positions and such.

And, uh, but I didn't say that. I didn't, I didn't say, let me show you. I didn't. It just seems like it'd be a good opportunity.

Just keep them talking. Like, just ask, like, well, it depends what you're okay with, with one another. Like, just ask, like, well, it depends what you're okay with with one another. Like, and see if they're down to make out or eat their sushi or whatever. Kiss each other right now, you fat hoes.

Yeah. Kiss each other right now or you can always walk your back. Or you're a liar. You're a liar. And then you turn it on them and you go, you guys had a threesome and you didn't even kiss each other? That's hilarious. That's embarrassing. You guys are better at this than 46-year-old Woody.

But the chasm between you and 13-year-old Woody is so huge. What would we tell him if we just had one message to give him, like the flash? flash that shit happened to me in first grade a version of that that i'm remembering now as you're telling that story these two chicks i don't think they were i don't know what they were doing my memory of it is so dim uh they were asking me if i knew what a husband and his wife do i remember like sitting on the playground and praying that the bell would ring because i did not want to know what the fuck they were talking like oh god can the bell just please ring i don't i'm tired of this conversation um and it was it was two of them i remember they're giggling uh it was a redhead and a blonde girl and they were asking me if i wanted to do what a husband did to a wife with

them um and i i blew it i guess that was your moment you would have been my moment fastest to fucking your class i can go one earlier it's just i was a kindergartner and i was dating the hottest chick in all of any of the kindergarten classes the thing is we're in kindergarten and she didn't really know how to show affection so she did i presume what her grandparents did to her and she pinched my cheeks inappropriately hard and told me i was cute and she just pinch them say i was cute and i didn't like it but i was like ah i am dating the hottest chicken all of kindergarten so i just tolerated it until we drifted apart yeah i'm dating uh four out of six we haven't learned numbers yet but He's not up there with them.

He rank girls on a to six scale. He's really good. He's a three out of a 700-y billion. I remember, unironically, having a conversation in kindergarten where someone asked me, they're like, Taylor, what would you do if you had $100? And I was like, I mean mean i'd buy a house i'd buy a car i'd buy the blues i'd buy and then like someone was like do you think do you think jared's parents have a hundred dollars and everybody's like no a hundred a hundred dollars i don't think so no none of our families have a hundred dollars but it was just that like rat that number i got in trouble the first day of kindergarten for

saying penis i was told i was told that was my mom was like all about not using we we words she's like no we're a mature family and taylor yes it is your penis and it somehow came up the first day of kindergarten where someone said like we we you know i was like no penis you know like your penis like i'm i go to school now i'm a big boy big boys say big boy words like penis and then i got taken out into the hallway by my uh by my teacher and she's like you can't be saying that i was like once again i am a big boy i say big boy words i want to say penis and then she's like well not in this classroom taylor you have to be behaved and and uh yeah i i was i wasn't an i never tried to be a disruptive student like when i was very young it just ended up that way because it was

way more fun to talk and chat and and like go play with the jenga blocks like knock somebody's lego fort down than it was to learn how to read took me for i was in the special class for learning to read for a full year in first grade and it was, it took me like the fucking hooked on phonics annex where I was there with another kid who didn't give a fuck. And then two actual retarded people. And I remember I showed up there one day and they're like, all right, Taylor.

Well, uh, your teacher has been saying that you're reading workbooks. You're just memorizing all the words and repeating them. And you're not actually learning how to read and i was like well reading who's going to use this and then i started doing the reading thing and i was i shouldn't have been in that class because they were telling me to like do the p sound do the t sound i'm out of the park all day but i also got starburst every time i got gave a right answer i got candy

and so i stayed in that class the whole year and then next year i went to second grade reading like a champ and that bitch who did her bullshit hooked on phonics training took a bunch of credit i'm sure about getting me from stone cold retarded to able to read but really it was a candy grift the whole time taylor do you want candy or a sticker uh candy again bitch i didn't just give i didn't just give you a uh a ch sound out of the park to not get a pink starburst yeah but it was it was uh it was depressing to have to be in there with those two retarded kids all done. Speaking of retarded kids. Oh, go ahead.

They've got your face in a case study somewhere. This is her method. This is the case study. Training a retarded kid how to read. This case study thing is so funny. This is my little fucker me i in a i i volunteered for a while at an autistic school when i was in high school like just to help out and everything and one of the times they were telling me they're like hey we need you to organize files from like the late 80s to early 90s and i was like okay

whatever it's kind of nice not be around the kids who are freaking out this wasn't like kind of autistic this was like we'll scream and tackle you kind of autistic and like very sad actually and i went in there and started organizing and i came across a file and it had a name i recognized oh this is that girl that went to our kindergarten but she never showed up at first grade huh that was weird and i remembered how much poor kimmy poor fucking kimmy because everybody even in kindergarten they don't know what mental disabilities are they'd be like kimmy's fucking weird and she's eating boogers let's laugh at her oh kimmy can't figure this out she She can't do that. Ha ha ha.

Turns out Kimmy severely autistic and had to finish up her run at this autistic school. So found that out about 16 years later. There you go. Hopefully she got some Starburst.

No, probably not. They were not giving out candy at that at that uh retard camp autistic camp yeah i was a retard in high school so i had to go to summer school like to stay i guess i failed english maybe i forget but um they made me go to summer school so that the next year i would be taking english with the kids that were my grade and uh i was in there with this famous guy's daughter it was tug mcgraw tug mcgraw had just won the uh the pennant what is baseball's thing called with the phillies the world series the world series that's what i'm going for he had just won the world series he was just like he's kind of a big

name at the time in the area and i was there with his daughter and uh she was a bigger fuck up than me and she just she always missed summer school and it was like baffling like even at my level of irresponsibility i'm like dude we're in summer school if you fuck up here i'm not even sure what's next like what's lower than summer school juvie like what the fuck happens if you don't pass summer school that's a good question well if you don't pass this we're sending you back to school in the fall like it's time to show up and this couldn't be easier it's pretty much attendance based you just roll in here listen and they pass you that's how summer school works. And she's like, man, I didn't have any money for tolls. And he's like, tolls are 35 cents. You don't have 35 cents to your name?

You're cutting it pretty close. I know your dad's a multimillionaire. He's not giving you a quarter and a dime to get to summer school? Like, why are you really not here? What a terrible excuse for her living situation that people would know about right so uh i don't i just looked her up apparently she's like an inspirational speaker now or something encouraging people to reach for their dreams she's on twitter and what's her name or her name is i don't say it you don't tug mcgraw only has one daughter carrie velarado and uh

and yeah she's on twitter heaven's not that far away is that a pro suicide message i don't know if you've gotten what you're going for on that but uh but yeah i just looked her up and it's like that's that's the chick i went to summer school with huh oh that's Carrie Velardo, you sneaky bitch. But I don't know. Maybe it's a tough upbringing. Like, I assume Tug McGraw was busy, probably traveled a lot. He doesn't have her dad's last name. There might have been something complicated in that relationship.

Who knows? The fuck is this bitch's channel she can't even there's no way she has even enough followers to be found goodness gracious she can't be that good of a motivational speaker I'm going to her twitter now I didn't even think to look at how many people follow her 47

47 people follow her now we're cyberbullying. I didn't even realize. I was assuming she'd be like one of those big-toothed evangelical guys who's got like 10 million followers. Yeah, that's what you want. When I looked at her tweet, she's like, this is my girl, and she's on some stage doing like famous,

and it's like her dad's baseball days and it looked to me like she was a big deal and tug mcgraw she's in the tim mcgraw the country singer like that's her family here it is she's with lay gaga or something i don't know oh then she's doing fine that's a retweet i got don't listen to me on twitter i don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Well, it's a right. I'll be facts on Twitter. Pop on over to my dick. Have you been banned from Twitter yet? Oh, I think so. They got me.

They got me this time on a they won't send a code to my phone to unlock it. So, like usual, everybody thinks I'm just ignoring them and their messages get more and more pissed off to me, but I can't respond. Huh. I don't know how this one's going to work. Oh, you're temporarily restricted. Yeah, I'm locked out, but I don't have access to the... They won't send a code to my phone.

They say there's a technical error that won't let them do that, so I'm out again. I don't know. Usually I just get the thing that says you have to delete these tweets before it lets you back in, and then in 24 hours or whatever, you're good. Where do you get that? I don't get those. I wouldn't even know if I was.

I just tweet and then close it. That's how I do it. What do you get fully banned and not know because he only opens the app once a week? At the most. That's smart. I haven't used it in like two weeks because I've been away and I don't really know how to get back into it. What have they banned you for?

I have no idea. I assume I have a ton of people following me around just reporting me all the time. Which works. That works. It does. That automated system. You can just report someone enough and yeah but twitter like also it seems like it's on its its last leg oh yeah is it like i can't i never know

these things i'm not but i feel like that's a conservative position people don't want twitter to be successful so they're claiming that it's on its way out. No, no, it's not like I don't it's not a political thing. It's that there's a life cycle on this shit. We've already seen this happen to Facebook. Facebook has become boomer central, whereas 10 years ago it was not. It was vibrant and youthful and lots of new people all the time. Now Facebook kind of stagnating a bit and Twitter is going to take that exact same life cycle. Eventually, Instagram will, too. Like, there's always going to be a new crop because you always need a new crop for young people to feel like they're escaping and getting their own space from old people.

That's what Snapchat is. It's young people being like Facebook, dumb and sucks. I'm going to Snapchat. TikTok. I'm going to that because these other sites are shit now. I can't tell if you're right because uh so you're you're definitely right there's a cycle things happen you know myspace turns to facebook but some of them stick amazon sticks i know it's not exactly

the same youtube sticks no one's predict no one says all this and youtube's about to knock them off that's where all the hip kids are uh no, people don't think that about Vimeo. YouTube is winning, and it's going to stay winning for a while. Is Facebook going to continue winning? Maybe. You said it's only for boomers. Okay. What if once you grow up and hit 25 or something, you end up on Facebook,

and it's always going to do well with any one big children? With that crew. They just released that dating app. Did you see that? Facebook did? Yeah, Facebook started doing dating now. Facebook dating? I assume to catch the younger crowd back in, but I don't think so. I don't think they really have anything to offer but yourself.

so like i don't think they really have anything to offer but yourself and the way those networks move is a lot more um it's like a herd compared to amazon or youtube where you got to go to the same spot to get your content all the time this is just you everybody kind of is always stuck in a permanent migration between social apps like even us probably i know i i'll put on a new app every once in a while because like i'm on whatsapp now and telegram i didn't have those last year i don't even know what telegram is what is that it's like a russian chat app that is totally unmoderated because the people signing up now yeah because the people who own it are so busy trying to moderate the russian stuff that they don't care what the english people are doing i like how english people don't care what the

russian people are doing on our stuff i'm on whatsapp but that's just texting to me yeah but you can do you get messages from strangers on it no i have a it's all the people i know who are in different countries who have it. Um, do you follow people on telegram or yeah. Telegram's kind of a weird hybrid of, um, Twitter and, uh, of like Twitter and texting.

YouTube's the best argument for sometimes winners stay winning. And when you get this like critical mass, it's hard to knock off the winner. eBay is that way kind of to, uh, you know i don't the craigslist exists but for the most part people don't knock ebay off because that's where you go to hit the national audience well youtube would also even eventually yeah youtube is gonna not win that battle forever because part of what youtube's appeal was especially for things

like topical events and journalism was getting third party unaffiliated from the mainstream media takes where it's like, Hey, here's just a camera footage of me taking footage of the protests that they're talking about on CNN right now. And now YouTube is so artificially astroturfed and boosted with mainstream media that if you look up any news story at all, you're going to get CNN, CNN,

Fox, ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, Fox, CBS, NBC, Fox, Fox. And that's not endearing to people. They're like, what? This is just TV again. I wanted to get – it used to be Phil DeFranco, but now he's like mainstream too almost. He's so big.

It's like I wanted like some dude on the ground with an iPhone filming this, getting that real perspective. And the fact that they're losing that is not a minor thing it's the money it so i think you're right um usually i push back against these like cultivated content things but in this scenario it just is happening they but the problem is they were trying to fix a fake news problem you know they there are people out there just saying unresourced bullshit so what freedom of speech let people watch and decide their own shit well a lot of people didn't agree with that a lot of people felt like throwing out misinformation and having that go viral was a bad thing so they just tried to go towards people news anyway that was more

structured for better for worse and uh now it's, shit, we're getting a groomed message. I want an ungroomed but honest message, and that's hard to find. Well, I mean, but like they don't really just. Oh, go ahead. Do you think that the reason YouTube is putting major networks on there is because they actually wanted to fight news that they thought was not sourced properly that is my believing yeah i i believe that they did like that if people were to self

select their own news they'd go towards the extremes on the on either side and so you those aren't honest and factual but you're on the main youtube decided to do that like they got together and said here what's going to make us the most money is putting cnn up and getting rid of like alex jones yeah yeah i think they decided that advertiser friendly news was better than you know woody's personal opinion on yeah weather maps but even like dick you know advertising i i don't even buy that explanation like we've talked about it before so i'll keep it brief but when you're advertising fast forward taylor you can i'll tell the best you can you can you can segment if you're png j and j whatever you can sub segment exactly where you're targeting on any specific channel.

And so their whole excuse of, you know, Don Detergent is showing up on Alex Jones inexplicably. It's like, well, then that's a problem with Don's marketing department because they selected something that included him. They could so easily type in the exclusion tab and exclude it. I mean, you fucked up doesn't really work when you're dealing with a ton of when you're dealing with companies. That's not good enough. I think we hit a point where I think the YouTube creators did this to themselves by trying to create all this controversy out of advertising on weird stuff. Like even that stupid. Oh, YouTube is a pedophile, has a pedophile ring in it.

Like even that stupid, oh, YouTube has a pedophile ring in it. Like, well, congratulations, man, by exposing that and blowing it up as something other than like an algorithmic oversight, you've just made your platform toxic to advertisers. I think that it's I don't think it's possible to overestimate the need for advertisers to cover their own ass. So, no, it doesn doesn't i don't think and plus the filters that taylor talked about i don't know that they can get it 100 right which is probably their target right maybe they exclude alex jones but then you know some other guy you've never heard of before starts tomorrow and isn't in their filter yet perhaps yeah maybe i think it's a mix like it's a there's a profit motive and there's also everybody who works at google despises conservatives so much that they would not they would not piss on them if they were on fire

like there is an open bias at in all of silicon valley all of san francisco and all of the big companies where they just fucking hate, especially the ones who don't do any work. Any company, you've got a handful of people doing the work and then a bunch of people just standing around taking credit for it.

Silicon Valley has that in spades and all those people do is sit around all day thinking about how much they hate Trump and their parents. That's a lot. I think that has a lot to do with it i mean you'll you'll see stuff like i'm the manager of diversity at apple i make five hundred thousand dollars a year and i tell people how much uh i wish white people weren't around in the workplace like i mean more diversity which just means white people but like it is true there's a tremendous bias against right-wingers in those areas i mean they self-admit it they

admit it themselves the ceo of youtube has admitted that and they use it as like a point of it's a good thing it's a good thing that we we shut down this fake news as decided by snopes and media matters you know and then people like this. So like all this to say, I'm getting bored by this, uh, at this point, but yeah,

we'll, we'll see how it all pans out. I do think eventually like, uh, just like Facebook became irrelevant. All these other ones are going to become irrelevant, like sooner than we think. There's a parallel between this conversation and my facebook feed which is right now filled with

how much longer do you think walmart's going to stay in business oh boy did they fuck themselves by not selling guns and ammo like they used to i think making that a parallel is unfair to what we're saying because we're not saying they're going to go out of business because of some anti-conservative bent i'm saying they're going to go out of business because of some anti-conservative bent i'm saying they're going to go out of business because of a natural cycle of consumer self-selection where they go i'm 17 and faith i thought we got onto the youtube part in particular because of the anti-conservative bent it might not have been you it might have been dick who took us there um and they were saying yeah you know they youtube fucked themselves because they have an anti-conservative bent and i'm like eh probably not well they're

just cable youtube's just cable now you know it's not just news though right youtube is yeah it's everything it's gaming and blogging and mark ropare makes that awesome science stuff uh people fighting in the street mr b cctv that's great yeah pewdiepie like your youtube's always gonna be there yeah it's too expensive to make a new one they're all gonna fail it'll always be there yeah so when they're like make your own youtube it's like like yeah it costs 10 grand for me to have for me to stream by myself in my house i don't think so i'm never gonna work it is like well it's a monopoly. The economies might be different.

But back when I had Puppet, just serving that website was about as expensive as like it barely paid for itself. And it was it was mostly a form. It was also a database that matched up gamers together. But all the content on it was dynamically generated compared to other websites that might be static. And it was like, dude, we had, I think, one front-end server and two back-end servers to serve our traffic.

And it cost so much, we didn't make any money. YouTube costs a lot more. Now the economies have probably changed since then. But serving video is the most expensive content you can serve yeah yeah so anyway we'll see yeah i don't think tiktok is going to replace youtube and tiktok is really the first social media platform that i've like either that or snapchat where i've looked at it's like oh no it's happened i don't get it yeah like what are they doing here what are they just matching mobile tiktok and snapchat

like if they don't have a decent browser-based thing why why i get it i get it phones are taking over the world but really you don't even have it like instagram's browser-based bullshit is sucks so hard are you actively hostile against someone hitting it with a computer i don't get it i don't get it instagrams is so bad they're like hey make it so they can't change the volume on the desktop videos and we'll get them right on the app get those oh did you miss that part watch the whole fucking thing again you dick like really how about a video platform where we don't allow seeking or scrubbing well i mean youtube's allowed that since 2005 youtube schmoo tube we're doing it the instagram or the yeah the instagram i'll tell you this youtube has um so you can go frame by frame

with penny or i'm sorry period and comma and you can go i think it's five or ten seconds with the arrow keys porn sites would you get your shit together and match these shortcut these keyboard shortcuts sometimes i need to bounce ahead 10 seconds i'm a little bored with our current sex act would you jump for me why am i alone on this boys how come you don't want to keep on shortcuts i love it and i love the little graph of when people watch and when they tune out oh there's some hots going on right in that big hump i'm gonna check that out first yeah i love that and they've got the markers like it's a little like on youtube they tell you where the ads come on yeah porn porn they tell you when you come they're like yeah when you come

that's a good here's the blow job here's the missionary here's the doggie thank you here's when their sister comes in oh thank you lovely intern who pre-watched this for me and marked out where these significant things happen but so woody you've been i'm not sure if dick is a twitch man but what do you've been streaming on twitch a little bit yeah uh follow me on woody's gamer tag my twitch is wo Woody's Gamer Tag. And I was just going to do it one time, and then I really enjoyed it. So I did it a second time, and I really enjoyed it. So I guess I'll do it at least a third

and see where it goes from there. You should do it. When I get my PC, we can stream together. So I don't think the game is super important to my streaming style, but it's World War Z. It's like Left 4 Dead, if you know either of those games but basically it's you some strangers, and like a hundred thousand

zombies, and you try to get to the other side of the map Seems like a good streaming game Follow Woody's Gamertag, also follow Taylor Merka I haven't streamed yet and I made it two days ago but we're almost at 2,000 followers, people. Very impressive.

It might be one of the most followed no-stream accounts. Now, you bought your PC. I haven't yet. I was like, I got a litany of DMs on Reddit of people being like, try this, try that. And so I'm like, it's's almost i appreciate all those very much like the pc builder things but it's almost like i've gotten so many suggestions that i'm looking at next to each other and i don't have the knowledge the requisite knowledge to look at like

oh this person's suggesting this graphics card but this person's saying this is there really 60 worth a difference i don't know let me google that okay i'm more confused than i would do i i don't keep up with uh current tech as much as like it's something you want right you want someone who keeps up more but chis always did he would help me out yeah i think i'm going to go to chis for the final approval yeah you could even just take a you know a suggested build and run it by chiz and use it as a starting point maybe. But he always kept current with what's up. Yeah. He's good about that.

But this seems like fun. I could not believe the technology of assembling a computer. When I built the studio one, the last time I built a computer was in like before college in like 1999. Okay. before college in like 1999 okay like checked compatibility between parts in your like little fantasy build shopping cart pc part builder maybe yeah yeah ah that was that was the maybe the most magical thing i've seen on the internet like this is it's finally doing something that I wanted to do. It's amazing. Finally, one use out of this stupid thing.

You make your living on the internet. Yeah. You still do your SEO stuff, right? Yeah, I have a real business, too. You know, a real respectable business, too. You have a respectable business in addition to your entertainment business yeah it's a company i started uh god six seven years ago maybe i've been doing it for a long time um yeah you haven't ditched the real job and just told dick jokes for a living oh what do you get the hell out of here i could never do that this is all the all the jokes are are uh all the jokes are temporary man it's all gonna dry up all this internet shit dries up eventually and i do not

want to be standing out in the cold when it does i'm gonna go you think like me yeah that i see it all as a house of cards just dude i back on i've been every dollar that comes in goes straight into crypto i am not okay we're different there but i hope you're making a killing on it but yes it's 2009 i was like this thing is not gonna last uh you know don't don't blow it there are other guys who say it is gonna last and it does and guys who say it's gonna last and doesn't i i find that that super interesting. But yeah, so you're keeping your powder dry, I guess. Oh, yeah.

There's no other way. You're straight into crypto a joke, or are you really doing that? I put some amount into crypto. Yeah, I think Bitcoin's going to take over for gold or take a big chunk out of it. Okay. Bitcoin and Ethereum and then chain link i got into a little bit maybe monero john mccaffey called in he's talking big about monero and

medical and privacy coins so i might dump something into that but yeah i think it's going to be the future man i don't think our current monetary system can last yeah i feel uneducated on the crypt that's why i bought some crypto i made a small man. I don't think our current monetary system can last. Yeah, I feel uneducated on the crypto. That's why I bought some crypto. I made a small... I'll just say, I bought five grand worth of crypto. That's all they would let me buy as initial investment

on Coinbase or whatever it was. And I rode that. I think I'm... I forget the numbers I got in and out of, but my asset was worth five grand, then it was worth eight something, then I got out. I forget where the numbers I got in and out of but my asset was worth five grand then it was worth eight something then I got out I bought a toy that's my whole crypto experience

there you go that's crypto I made three grand and then like if I had timed it right it would have been like six grand maybe but if I timed it wrong I would have lost six grand and now I would have gone back to I don don't know, making the three again, perhaps.

Yeah. I'm not an expert and a lot of the people I listen to, not all, but some of them seem like they're not experts either. They're just kind of like, they barely understand it and they're just optimistic, but from a foggy understanding and

go on you've got uh you've got a weird collision of finance guys and tech guys and the tech guys can get really like they'll be a kind of a murky uh brackish water area where the tech is inspiring a lot of that confidence and a lot of that excitement that the finance kind of doesn't match yet where it's their their enthusiasm is a bit unwarranted when it comes to the financial part especially the way it you know dives 10 in a day and then jumps 25 in a day i got my mom into it at 50 recently bitcoin yeah she bought she bought fifty dollars of bitcoin oh i thought she bought fifty dollars i'm like it's at like twelve thousand now jesus christ did your mom buy you a house as a thank you no although i had i had a couple in a long long time ago, like 2012, just when it just started.

But I don't know. I do think that I do think that like there is a kind of an arms race between credit card companies and world banks for for establishing themselves as currency around the world and that crypto is part of that. As a hedge against inflation, I think crypto has an inherent value that you might more readily accept simply because as everything dives,

there's only that set amount of Bitcoin. There's only that set amount of crypto, period. And it's being traded all around the world. So that's never going to go anywhere. You know, you dump a couple trillion. The next time there's a giant crash, next time there's an everything crash where houses, auto loans, student loans,

everything gets dumped, everything gets dumped in, there's not going to be any new Bitcoin to cover that. So I think as a hedge against inflation it's extremely valuable but beyond that i think it's going to replace like i don't know do you remember when credit cards were not a given like do you remember when it wasn't just now you walk now you tap not everyone had one and i remember when like getting it was almost a prestige and which card you had mattered you know i worked in register someone gave me a black card it was like shit

there's a rich person right in front of me right yeah now i don't know or you'd have two like you'd have just visa or wow oh wow you got a visa and a master card what are you a stockbroker right um i think that as weird as it seemed to use credit cards then is how it seems to use crypto now and that it will take over because it's just so goddamn cheap. The transactional...

Maybe you already mentioned it, but isn't the government getting involved going to fuck a lot of the value of crypto? Not with privacy coins. It will. They will try. They'll'll try to fuck over bitcoin but they can't because not all coins work like that what is that what does a privacy coin mean if you can't tell where it's going where it's coming from who's spending it how much you have with bitcoin you can track one coin through its whole life if you know you and if i tie you to your address then i know where you're giving money

to i know where you're getting i know who you're getting it from um like banks won't let you use your money for crypto coinbase won't let you use your crypto with with who they just determined are negative parties uh drugs and stuff like that but privacy coins don't have any of those limitations so so that's what you use to like get assassins and stuff i was, but privacy coins don't have any of those limitations. So that's what you use to get assassins and stuff. I was thinking the same thing. Assassins, whores. You get yourself some babies on the black market

with privacy coins. Get yourself a couple new babies floating around the house. How much is a baby? What do you got? What kind of baby do you want? That's what we're going for. How much you got to spend that what what kind of baby do you want that's where we're that's what we're going for how much you got to spend that determines your level of baby like i'll be talking like like an ugly baby a cute baby i want a baby whose parents went to college

oh wow the dad should be named noah and work at con college that should be i bet they price babies based on race sometimes, don't they? Oh, they do. I've sold... Because you can get... There's tons of Africans in the world. There's tons of Asians. Not that many white people.

And so white people... White babies might be more expensive. So I used to do some work for a company that facilitated prison adoptions where if the mother was going to prison and wanted to put her baby up for adoption, you could get a fast track adoption for like 30 grand and get it in there, meet the mother, make sure she was not doing drugs. And you could have a baby, you could have a baby, you could have your baby before she went, before she went uh before she went to jail and there was a i mean i don't know if it's funny but there was obviously a racial component

to the price of those babies i mean i think that's kind of funny like taking supply and demand and capitalism to the point of well we got an influx on the chinese so they're on clearance but the dutch oh the dutch not a lot of those fuckers but you know we're charging you know five times as much for them get yourself a white meth baby step on up yeah that's the thing i'm like you know oh is this baby predisposed to being a tatted up whore that would suck not if you're a good father i had nature versus nurture taylor i don't know you're right it's all nature some women are born to be whores oh shit i had something else written down i wanted to i got a topic oh Oh, take yours. No, no, no. Take it away. 9-1-1 dispatcher scolds caller stranded in floodwaters shortly before she drowns.

You're not going to die. I was looking at this today. I don't know why you're freaking out. The 9-1-1 operator said to the woman, when the first responders reached the caller, she had died. Yeah. She drowned in her car and the woman the 911 dispatcher lady had put in her two weeks and this was her last day and she did not fucking care like i don't know if you have more quotes right in front of you

woody i don't remember the the url the way was looking at it. As the waters continued to rise up past her chest and cover her vehicle, she panicked and repeatedly said, I'm going to die. You're not going to die. I don't know why you're freaking out. This will teach you next time not to drive in the water. I don't know how you didn't see it. It had to go right over it. So, yeah.

Go ahead and start your prayer.'ll listen to you i sure will and didn't use isn't there one where it's like you're not gonna die you're gonna be fine ma'am ma'am she's trying to get a response and she's already drowned i'm looking for it miss debbie you're to need to shut up. I need you to listen to me. Yeah. You're going to need to shut up. What a fucking cunt.

Glub, glub, glub. Wait, wait, wait. Do we have a cool guy of the week picked out? No, women can't be cool guy of the week. Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah. The cool guy of the week so far is the awesome pope or whatever who's having cocaine parties

cocaine fueled homosexual orgies using his position in Vatican fucking some like shredded dudes as they're like you know sticking rosaries up each other's asses rosaries and anal beads seem to have a lot in common this is this is working for my alright now to have a lot in common this is yeah this is working for my all right now i have a new search string for porn whatever

i really hope religion isn't real because i'm not going to a fun place it's no way none of us are none of us are wouldn't that be humiliating is if we die and like fucking jehovah's witnesses were right oh it'd be way more easy to accept like ah the fucking christians got it then like something crazy like jehovah's witnesses if it is real i hope it's just like the cutoff is a lot further than me so that all of my friends and stuff also go to hell it would really be bad if it was just right in front of me it's like oh come everybody gets to go although maybe that's not real and that is if that happens that will just be hell i'll tell myself that but that would be the ultimate

burn i feel like i get up to the pearly gates and i'd be like you did fine other than 460 episodes of a certain podcast it's like no no god listen it was all irony and if it's ironic it can't be inappropriate he'll be like i see your side brother come in and so that's exactly my position too like no no i i tried to leave a good mark on the world those accents weren't even good or if i get to heaven he's like do african guy voice let me on the other side oh thank god saint peter's a fan that'd be fucked yeah yeah i'm still pretty i feel like being religious would be better than not being religious as far as your mental health instability like just having that little anchor point that you can always be like

okay this sucks ass right now but i'm going to heaven and I'm going to get to fuck a bunch of virgins, or I'm going to heaven and the gold streets and such. Taylor's hitting that age. Isn't he, audience? Do you see it? Right? Five years from now, he's going to be dragging his sorry kids to church. He's just saying, you know what?

It's good for us. It's good for our spirit. I just need a godlike. I can't do the ones that exist like no i really i hate these people turning into my dad or mom or whichever one made you go mostly my my mom made us go my dad was i've said i've told this story like fucking 400 episodes on pka we're like my dad to keep us engaged to be like after church we're gonna go to taco bell we'd be sitting there like your dad went though yeah yeah he would come with us uh most of the time but he

would generally like take us to taco bell after church just because most families have a nice brunch after church but we always insisted me and my brothers on taco bell my father-in-law had the best we went we showed up after church the most disappointing thing ever this is probably fucking 1997 or something we're pulling through a taco bell i'm stoked i'm so excited to get a nacho cheese chalupa and we pull up there and my dad starts ordering he's like all right everybody all right everybody all right we want a nacho cheese chalupa we want uh chicken quesadilla we want a couple of uh beef tacos soft shell and the guy just goes like loudly to the thing goes meat ain't ready yet he's like what and he's like yeah me me ain't ready it's like huh when's it gonna when's it gonna be

ready it's like oh man not like 20 25 minutes and so we left we didn't get taco bell that day because the guy yelled at us that the meat wasn't ready how long does it take to cook ground beef in atlanta and it really stumped. I stood out there in the drive. It was like 2 in the morning or something. And he said the same thing. I'm like, what do you mean? That can't. What are you doing then?

What is anybody doing in there if the meat ain't ready? If you put a thin layer of ground beef on a pan, when you started that sentence, it would be a third of the way cooked. Yeah. Like, come on. Get it together, Taco Bell. Maybe they were doing some kind of a ping pong pizza in there. Oh, a comet ping pong pizza?

Yeah. Or a best of pizza? Yeah. That pizza place that was right next to comet ping pong pizza that had the pedophile logo as its pizza logo did you see that yeah i did yeah it's insane it was like oh we make it the best pizza and only the quality boys assholes in the basement the church thing my dude if yeah i'll go ahead my father-in-law built this thing like so my wife had two sisters and the mom and the three girls would all go to church and he established this like family culture of the good don't have to go is this a thing

that's widely established the good don't have to go oh i'd never heard that yeah so he didn't go and all the girls were just like yeah i guess dad's just like really good and He doesn't have to go to church with us, but we all have to go. Dude, Jackie's dad is a fucking king. He is. The good don't have to go. And also, the good get to watch the cowboys. So they don't know

it any different. This is just their family culture. The girls aren't wise to the fact that they're being scammed. I like it. I'm trying to wise to the fact that they're being scammed. I like it. I'm trying to think of funny shit that happened to me in church. The best church Sunday school days when I was little is when they popped in VeggieTales.

VeggieTales is probably way too young for you guys, but those were quality. Those were good. But if you ever try to watch a veggie tales tape not at church it becomes shit in the same way that do you remember toys that you would play with while you're in school in class like those little rubber band things or little uh eraser men and you'd build little little things on your and whatnot. Those are fun at school because the window of fun is

so small already, but you take that home and it's shit next to your other toys. That's what VeggieTales was. VeggieTales trying to compete with the Animaniacs? Get fucked. You're not going to win that battle. But VeggieTales against a pastor telling me I'm going to go to hell? Primo. Primo shit.

I think I was indoctrinated and forced into that shit way heavier than than either of you oh i've never seen a veggie tale oh they'd be like they'd like seep in little things so they'd be like well larry the cucumber so we should always listen to matthew 5 the beatitudes and be friendly with our neighbors? I've never seen this. They'd be like, yeah, whatever the tomato, we should do that. But why should we do it, Larry the Cucumber? Because we don't want to go to hell.

This isn't about vegetables at all. You can't fool me. These were supposed to be tales about vegetables. And tomatoes are fruit. Yes, there you go. The whole thing's based on a lie. Now, the thing that they will not tell you about VegTales is that tomatoes are fruit, people.

You don't understand that going in. God, unban Alex Jones. Hashtag unban Alex Jones from all social media. I need a laugh. Please. He's too funny. My Alex Jones. Hashtag unbanned Alex Jones from all social media. I need a laugh. Please. He's too funny. My father-in-law. I've thought of it through.

So Jackie's pretty good wife. And I have like freedoms and shit that other husbands don't have. And I think it's because of the house. She was like, my father-in-law had a motorcycle. My father-in-law started a couple businesses with like questionable profitability. He had a huge workshop and four garages and shit like that. Now I have all these things and it's just normal to her. She doesn't know that like other wives don't let their husbands have motorcycles and toys and go fucking flying hurricanes and shit.

And she just like was raised with a skewed view i would go on vacations the dominican republic or whatever and i think her father getting away with lots of shit has allowed me to get away with a lot of shit i like that that's good but you also shouldn't see it as you getting away with it you should frame it as i am the king in the castle my unmarried friend i look forward to like 40 year old taylor when all your friends are like handcuffed like what no i can't have a motorcycle in a workshop and this and that and the other thing and it's uh i don't know it's how it goes down sometimes but yeah as long as i've got my basement gym and my cool ass hockey setup downstairs i'm good yeah i have a gym too i took over a room in the house and so did my father-in-law like i i

yeah you're just a colonizer in that room she'll come and excise you from it when she wants to get into essential oils or something he's gonna have a lot of heavy shit to move if she wants to pull that off. Actually, that's the perfect crime. She's too weak to move her shit. Do you want fish room, honey? How good are you at moving squat racks? Because I'm not doing that shit. Aha, it's too big for the door.

It's here forever. Just build a club on all your furniture that can't fit through the door at a certain point. Do you work out at a gym, Dick? No, I work out. I know your Pilates is probably at a gym, but lifting. It's at a gay bar, actually.

That makes sense, yeah. You should have guessed. No, I work out in the garage if I do work out. You do Pilates in the garage? But wait, you said there was a hot instructor. No, no, no, like weightlifting, he means. You can only do Pilates at a very expensive studio wait, you said there was a hot instructor. No, no, no, like weightlifting, he means. You can only do Pilates at a very expensive studio.

They don't work right if you do them at home with a furniture dolly like you usually could. Okay. You can only do them on esoteric machines that cost thousands of dollars to pounding techno music while

a little woman who looks like a hot lesbian screams at you i'm picturing like an aerobic studio what how does it actually happen okay an aerobic studio and a dolly and um it's a thing that moves you know that perfect you remember the the ab roller yeah i've got one okay imagine that but it's like a platform that costs several thousand dollars but it's the same function you're doing a you're moving out and then you're moving in it's called a reformer it's called a reforming machine uh just looks like a giant sled pilates i go to a jazzercise studio that's got about 10 of those things. You jazzercise?

No, that's what it was in a former life, I'm sure. Dude. Jazzercise. Is it a convertible full trapeze Cadillac Reformer? This looks like a sex swing. It might. It might. It can't be this.

You wouldn't call that a furniture roller here i'm gonna i'll send it to you yeah that's that looks like american ninja minus i have worked out on one of those that's that's the one my mom works out on but i don't work out on one of those regularly yeah Yeah, your mom works out on that. Little do you know you're about to have a little brother. I just mostly use this to stretch myself out, get myself ready for big dick. Oh, yeah. Yep, that's what's happening.

Wait, I want to go back to this one and think about where i'd put her legs yeah the one that you link this ninja warrior one this is not as fun yeah so i see your shoulders go there i'm i'm envisioning where the stirrups are on this thing exactly what are you many things to hold on to what where do you put your? You can fuck 20 old ladies on this machine I've seen it I think the white things are where her feet go And the black things on the thing Are where her shoulders go

Whenever you think you have it figured out You're wrong That's when Then you flip her around You're putting the wrong thing in it Have you ever seen that uh it reminds me of that uh sam hyde sketch the guy's gym a gym for guys only have you seen that dick no you haven't where no no where he like goes into a public gym and he's like i do my my uppercuts

my twisters my grenade launches and he'll take those things you use for tricep pulls or whatever. The springy things. He'll take one and then just jump and pull it with him and pull it to the ground and then roll away like he just threw a grenade. People are just upset with him

at the gym. He drinks. He's like the secret to getting jacked is drinking a gallon of milk a day. Beginning of the day, He drinks. He's like, you know, the secret to getting jacked is drinking a gallon of milk a day. Beginning of the day, I go to Kroger, buy a gallon of milk. He drinks as much milk as he can in a gym with people. And by like halfway through his makeup workouts, he's just

just on the floor of the gym throwing milk. And oh, that guy is a fucking hoot. I don't know what he's up to now But yeah he made some funny sketches How does this thing work exactly I mean You can

I don't know That's when it's working You put your feet in all the hoops And shit I'm onto the one you linked Your back goes on the big black mat, right? Your head goes between those. It can.

Yeah. Okay. And then your feet go on the bar, I guess. Sometimes. And you slide yourself back and forth. Oh, I was assuming that you and your buddy's ass went directly onto those wooden dowels. Yeah. You hang on to that one.

Your knees go on the pad, and then someone drills you from behind. I think I'm ready to work up to a four gauge. How about you? No, I'm set. I'm set on this three gauge. Those ropes are used to tie your hands above your head, and

then a bunch of women walk through and make fun of the size of your penis. Oh, okay. So it's a humiliation dominatrix kind of thing. Okay. Uh-huh. Those springs at the bottom, that's supposed to be how big a man's penis should be, and they're much larger than yours. So they'll always tell you to compare it with those. Man, this doesn't seem like an easy way to get fit.

Then there's this platform. You put your teeth on the platform, and they kick you in the back of the head. That's the one they use to finish the day off. I don't know what's happening. I hate this. This is like the rack. This reminds me of something from Braveheart.

I always swore I'd never do it, but my girlfriend started doing it, and she looks great, so I'm like, alright, you can't be... Don't let anybody take it away from you, Dick. You look very cute. Yeah, no, Dick, I'd hit it. He is. Especially if you bring this contraption. What's

your actual weight setup like in your garage? Just like a power rack and bench, squat, stuff? Two sets of dumbbells um because uh i stupidly bought one of those dial a dumbbell you know where you can pick the weight did you buy the bow flex ones yes because i'm gonna do taylor i'm gonna do so many exercises i just i i can't i couldn't possibly just buy one weight and stick with it for the rest of my life, like a haircut. I need to have five pounds, seven pounds, and they need to be in one set.

And they need to be able to break easily. They need to be able to stop working and get rusty and things like that. That's what you need as a fit guy. What is that sound? Is Woody's phone ringing? No, that's not coming from my house. Is that you? I can only hear it in my headset, so it's not me.

My girlfriend's asleep. Yeah, Woody's got his goddamn phone on or something we can deal with that right we love it that's a great soundtrack you're gonna get demonetized um and they're they're so wide that you can't think about anything else other than the width of these stupid dumbbells that you bought. Yeah. So I have those, and then I have another set of proper dumbbells that are the right size. I don't have any adjustable dumbbells. I really don't have a single.

Oh, Jesus, fuck. Just turn the fucking phone off. What the fuck is this? But, uh yeah i don't have any i don't have any functional like change dumbbells i've got like a handful of kettlebells of different weights that i don't use anymore and then i've got my uh which i like them for the swings still but other than the swings i don don't use them anymore. And then I've got like a squat rack, my bar, and then a bunch of plates. And so I stopped doing deadlift because I watched like one video from this guy who's six foot eight and yoked. And he was like, yeah, no reason to do deadlifts unless you want to fuck up your back or unless you're training for the kind of shit I do. And I'm like, well, I'm never going to look like you

I believe you like I'm not deadlift anymore so I mostly just do like squat bench overhead row and then I add like four accessories like farmer's walks and shit like that here he comes here he comes

the maestro we had a nice little soundtrack for the last couple minutes who was it that's an alarm two minutes i'm sorry uh i fucked up my back doing a deadlift like a week before burning me i'll never do it again i'm in this club fucking do another. What were you trying to pull? Just the bar. I had I had like 20 25s on both sides and I was just I was doing it to show my girlfriend

what it was and that was enough. That was enough. Like God kicked me right on the taint and I said oh God, nope, never, never again. I'm never doing it again. Forget that I showed you how to do it because I clearly didn't do it right anyway so on the bottom of your back yeah yeah yeah like this is the worst pain i've ever felt what is it like muscle soreness or like sharp or like probably a borderline slipped disc yeah it's gone now so how long did it last it we probably lasted three or three or four weeks

three weeks probably about three weeks you're about a week ahead of me oh is that happening to you right now it's mostly gone the back yeah dude so i did it right before we had our minneapolis live show so i'm like walking like a fucked duck for the entire show with my ass like i can't straighten out for the life of me and i'm sitting down with a big warg every time i sit down it was it was fucked like whoa okay all right yeah no my back hurt. The right position in bed would make it feel better. Or if I arched my back, it was like I could pre-experience all the pain. So then it wouldn't hurt for a few minutes. Yeah, like I hurt extra for 10 minutes, but for the next 10, I'm fine. I'm fine. No, no, you have to do this. You have to do this. It totally, it would fix me for like six hours at a time. Look up the McGill big three exercises. Um, it's they're the simplest things in the world. They don't hurt at all to do, but I talked about it on the show and I got the suggestion

of a chiropractor, which I don't believe in at all and this this series of back strength lower specifically lower l4 l5 back exercises i did them it involves it involves laying on the ground putting your hands under the small of your back and doing like a sit-up is one of them and then doing a side plank is another one and then doing like ones where you get on your hands and knees and lift your arm like hitler and your leg like leg hitler like opposite arm and leg and hold it up like that i i would wake up and do them and i would feel a fantastic for a couple hours i credit them with anything good that happened on my back i've never even heard of this dude it's they were they were incredible no i'm looking give them a shot okay yeah i'll do that um the bird dog yeah yeah the bird dog that's what that's

the leg is that the doggy style one yes yeah yeah i base so much of how much i trust youtube and video exercises by how jacked the guy is doing it. Like if I go to bodybuilding.com and they're like, this is a really important tricep exercise. And I'm like, you're not even huge, dude. Fuck this.

It could be the best advice. I need you to get some steroids in your system and come back to me. Then I'll know that you're an expert. Yeah. But then I'll like go to Juju Mufu's channel and he's yoked out of his mind and he'll be like today we're gonna do a 10 by 10 set curls with 400 pounds and i'm like this is the path to success this is this is the way to win today i got a wrestler with a mountain climber well clearly that's what i should be doing because that's what juju does do you ever just get like sad looking at fitness people online

and being like oh no like i've got a barrel of shit around my midsection that will prevent me dude like i gotta stop eating so much late at night i have every unreasonable emotion when i look at the fitness youtubers sometimes i do what you do which is like dude like i'll just never have that like i'm 46 if i work out super hard and eat right for four years i'll be 50 dead i'll be 50 it's not gonna be good like that and other times i'm like you know i'm starting to see the similarities between me and that fucking Greek God. Like, yeah, I see it. I see it.

I've got a horseshoe upside down V tricep. I have that like a little. Oh, do you ever do that too? Yeah. Or like after like a really just intense pump doing a bunch of skull crushers or whatever and go in my bathroom and like do the tricep flex and be like, all right, yeah, yeah. You're starting to see something. And then you'll look and see them and you'll be like, well, I mean, I'm seeing something.

I mean, they have a distinct V shape in that muscle and mine's more of a blob of sorts. My line is there because my underwear was too tight. I'll be like, I'll be like actively, I'll be 80% through my workout, all pumped as I get. You're like, honey, can you see any change yet? Yeah, I can see the change. Yeah, clearly it's an actual muscle development and

not just me being filled with blood the second i'm fucking the bees knees at not missing workouts and just working out getting it done diet no i will be so fucking tits and so good with my diet up until 8 p.m and then i'll be like i need a barrel of pretzels what do i have in the kitchen well you earned it oh i've got i've earned this oh i've got uh first of all my girlfriend bought these fiber uh these fiber-based quesadilla wraps or whatever or i guess tortillas is the way that you would call it. It's a fiber-based tortilla. It's got 50 calories in both of them. And so the last few nights at

11, I've been like, time for a treat! And I'll go up there and I'll layer one of those fuckers down. I'll put a ton of cheese on it. Oh, a lot of Mexican four cheese. And then I'll put the other one on top. Maybe I'll have like ton of cheese on it. Oh, a lot of Mexican four cheese. And then I'll put the other one on top.

Maybe I'll have like a – we had some jalapenos in our garden this year. Maybe I'll slice little slices up of that and put it in there. And then I'll microwave it because I don't have time. It's too late. I don't have time to do it on the stove. And then I'll eat the whole thing, which is just fat. And each one of these tortillas has 45% of your daily fiber content. two at a time and sometimes i'll have two of those and so my shit's the next day it's like a fire drill out of my ass where anything that was caught up there you know i'll like i'll be shitting

and i'll like smell seafood and they they'll be like, when's the last time? I'm cleaning my colon from that vacation in June. Yeah. I'm really pouring it out. Man, they weren't lying on the packaging. So I had a conversation with my wife. I said, honey, this house doesn't have any mid-sin level food in it. If I'm hungry, I can either either have a glass of water and a tomato at which point afterwards I'll be hungry

or I can have trail mix or I don't really eat these but there's like Entenmann's donuts in the house and ice cream. We're extreme here. I need a mid-level snack. So she buys me celery and my own jar of peanut butter. It says

Woody on it. I have it right here. It says fucking Woody on it. On duct tape. I can abuse this. I just dip the celery right in it. Take a bite. Double dip if I want to. But it's celery,

so it's not sitting at all, right? Dude, incorporating peanut butter into any snack? It's not celery. Now it's a spoon at all, right? Dude, incorporating peanut butter into any snack? It's not celery. Now it's a spoon. Hey, hey. It's celery, I'm telling you. It's not that bad, I guess.

Even as you're eating peanut butter, which I have done this many times, where I'll go just not even with celery, with a spoon, and just eat a few bites of peanut butter. Oh, it's so good. But even as you're tasting it, it's like I can feel the fat coagulating at the bottom under my tongue as I'm chewing my peanut butter. So when you go like that, I found out if you're trying to talk like there's peanut butter coagulant at the bottom of your mouth,

just now it sounds like Bay of Margera. The way he would sound talking about like fucking with phil late at night you know we're gonna he's got a job and we're gonna go that's way less funny the older i get when bam margera bursted on his father started slapping his tits and stuff it's like hey guys it's fucking i i always sound like i've got dip my mouth, even though I never have dip in my mouth. And we're going to go slap my dad, Phil. He's got to wake up at four in the morning to get down to his job. Fucking loser. And it's like, oh, come on, B.M.

You can't be slapping me while I'm shitting. My dog's tail is outrageous. I wish Jackass would come back. You know what ruined Jackass? Ryan Dunn being an idiot and killing himself. That ruined Jackass would come back. You know what ruined Jackass? Ryan Dunn being an idiot and killing himself. That ruined Jackass. Ruined it. Yeah.

Then Steve-O decided to get sober. Yeah, he's got a... Big dog for a big man. It's a horse. Yeah, but his tail... His tail hits things and breaks things. His tail hits your nuts. And it's awkward to warn strangers. Like, dude, you've got to protect yourself from that tail.

You don't know. Laugh, laugh, laugh. And then it's just bam. And he cracks you in the nuts with his tail, which is like a broomstick or something. And there's a legit pain there and perhaps damage and yeah anyway he was just hitting the wall with his tail and startled me so that's my story pretty good one i think it was a pretty solid one as far as i'd give that a seven out of ten dude after this we're gonna go fuck with phil again

did you guys see this uh literal propaganda trailer from a movie coming from uh amazon about venezuela today it's got first of all it's got it's got jim from the office which i love jim from the office i don't uh john uh john krasinski and this literally in this movie on amazon they're making it's about russia giving venezuela nukes and rationalizing the u.s having to go in there defensively to stop them from doing it. And it's literally Jim Halpert going, nuclear Venezuela? You will not hear about that on the news because we'll already be dead.

That's a line from this trailer. And so many people are roasting it, being like, dude, this is just propaganda to get us to go to war with Venezuela. Are you serious? That made me laugh. It literally is. It's an agendized video.

So Trump occasionally rips on Venezuela because they're socialist and they're failing. And it's fun to say that's what Democrats would have you do. Alright, if the next administration comes in and they want to warmonger with Venezuela, I wonder what the like, who's actually making this happen?

Why is it both sides come in and decide that America should intervene? Maybe it's that they were trying to nationalize their oil supply, and we don't care for that because we want it traded on the U.S. dollar. That does seem like a common thread. Iraq threatens to get off the U.S. dollar, and we go to war with them.

Iran threatens to go to the U.S. dollar, and we're saber-rattling fucking with them. Venezuela, anyone who tries to get off the dollar it's the same shit every time like they want us to go to war with venezuela and if we go to war with venezuela i feel like that'll be the final thing where american citizens hopefully are like what the fuck are you insane we we put other american citizens in concentration camps and no one cared. American citizens do not give a fuck who we go to war with. Maybe not.

Especially Venezuela. What are you talking about the concentration camp thing? I mean, we put Japanese and Italian Americans, a lot of them in camps during World War II. I just assumed it was something more recent. No, it's as recent as 80 years ago. I don't think we've grown that much in 80 years. We could still turn a blind eye to that stuff. I mean, we got better sports now.

Yeah, that's true. Better sports. Better athletes, same sports. Another war with Venezuela? How would that war even look? Dude, we would... I mean, the war in Venezuela would go would i mean the war in venezuela would go way better than the war in iran i think they all go about the same we do really well at first

and then when they don't roll over we're like ah it's really complicated it turned out who would have known nobody knew this was coming that uh that after we blew up their initial buildings they still don't want to quit we'd lose more men on day one and two attacking iran than we would over the last seven years combining iraq and afghanistan it wouldn't even be close i think day one and two would just be airstrikes and we'd do well i think oh i just mean like when we finally put boots on the ground like iran Iran's the best naturally defensible position of any nation on earth. I looked into that after you said it, and there's a lot right in what you said.

I was like, because without looking into it, I sort of thought Iran and Iraq were about the same. I mean, most letters are the same. They're next to each other. These all seem pretty solid to me. Iran, Iraq, look at how spells exactly yeah you know i think even maui is about like that so uh um and i looked in i was like wow it really is mountainous there is troublesome we had that um war like a mock war with iran and i think that the guy that we were

against was really clever. And a lot of the advantages that America had didn't work. For example, we had a big tech advantage. So anything they wanted to communicate, we would know what was going on and sort of cut that off. So he just ditched all that and decided to communicate via motorcycles with notes. And we couldn't decrypt that our satellites didn't catch it like nothing worked he did a lot of things that were kind of clever and didn't play into our advantages i don't know if that would keep working maybe it would to be fair that's exactly what the iraqis

did which with a lot of success and with even less shit where they're like, oh, we're just going to go to burner phones. And burner phones work here, and our communication isn't going to get blocked the same way it was before when we're trying to use satellites. And that worked. A lot of our men died in Iraq and Afghanistan

from them using bootleg trash techniques. And Iran is way, way more advanced than Iraq orq or afghanistan like they're they're a real deal army and military that i don't think most americans realize like we don't want to fuck with these guys first of all because what do we have to gain fucking with iran well we're gonna fuck with iran and russia why are they using the u.s dollar for oil because if they get off the u.s dollar then the u.s dollar could go through hyperinflation like and Russia? Why? Why? Are they using the US dollar for oil? Because if they get off the US dollar then the US dollar could go through hyperinflation like

these South American countries. I mean if that's how fragile of ice we're standing on we're fucked anyway. I think we're more fucked than that. That's why I'm all in crypto. That's why I'm all in crypto. I actually have all of my investments in kohl's cash i think china is going to have a problem with the u.s dollar

hyperinflating um if their buddies are right they're causing it yeah wait is china tied with iran i think china owns our dollar so he doesn't want the dollar to be that's that's one reason that china hasn't like dumped all the debt. We have all those bonds they own because it's kind of shooting themselves in the foot. With all that supply out there, the dollar gets fucked, and China... I understand this, right?

China's fucked. Yeah, then China's like, damn it, this was a really bad losing investment. Oh, this was a bad idea. I just want to see... Selfishly want to see the north korea situation hashed out so we can get more people like filming stuff in there and see what was going on yeah that'd be really interesting to see have you seen that documentary of the uh crippled comedians or the crippled comedian who goes in there he's like a korean

he's a korean tell me that's the name he goes by i think it i think it is um yeah comedian that guy yeah i think so um he well whatever disabled comedian he's very disabled and he does a comedy tour there but um people people with disabilities in north korea are you know disposed of so they have a lot of special um allowances when they go in there and they have like a tour guide that shows them around or a military escort uh is a really interesting documentary for him to go around and do his act um for a country that like doesn't have any disabled people in it uh interesting documentary but i mean they're also like all midgets over there yes that's a that's true is that important in war like it's actually probably i mean i i think

we're all familiar with odd job from 007 on N64 GoldenEye. Yeah. Does anybody else remember playing N64 007 GoldenEye where the rule was no Oddjob? Because Oddjob is the Asian midget from the original 007s. And if you played Oddjob, it wasn't fair because he was a midget and he could creep right around that corner and you would have to change your shooting position so much to get him that he'd fuck you up

and so it was always a rule no odd job and i think that same principle applies here there's no mobility hit for being odd job there should have been there wasn't this was a game released in 1997 there was no punishment there's a whole like phase of gaming that i skipped when i kind of went to night school where i barely played anyone like everyone else like yeah halo was this great experience for me and goldeneye and the other some other ones come and go and it's like i didn't have any what were your night school years? Like the window. Probably for night school, 93 to about 2000 for my undergrad. And then I think I finished my master's in like 05,

maybe something like that. That's about range. A lot of games. Like 05 maybe? Something like that. It's a big range. You missed my whole experience with video games as a kid. Pokemon? Not even on your radar. I mean, you were probably too old for Pokemon at the time anyway. You wouldn't have got that interested.

I still think Pokemon is dope. I go back and I start playing Pokemon again. I literally bought a 2DS. I have charging right now. So after this show, I can get a snack, maybe another couple high fiber tortillas and a quesadilla. Drown in quesadillas.

Yeah. And every time a new Pokemon comes out, I'll buy it just to see how it's changed. And there, in one of these new ones. I think it's Pokemon Ultra Moon. It used to be red and blue. Now they're to Ultra Moon. How many like dichotomies they've wasted.

And it's there was a Pokemon on there who is a an ice cream cone. It's literally it's called like vanilla ice. It's just an ice cream cone. It's literally, it's called like vanilla ice. It's just an ice cream cone. And then it evolves into like the Lux or something. It's got two scoops and then it evolves again.

And it's like vanilla Lord or whatever. And it's got three scoops of vanilla ice cream. It never becomes a sundae? No, it's just ice cream's progressing. And it's like this scoops of vanilla ice never becomes a sundae no it's just it's just ice creams progressing and it's like this is lazy as there's one pokemon now it's it's a trash pokemon it's made of trash it's like trombador or some some stupid ship and it's literally like frank from it's always sunny being like i'm the trash man now like no i don't understand this game you just collect them and what i mean so you you catch you catch the pokemon

so you start out with a pokemon one of three uh grass fire or water type and then depending on that it makes your kind of trajectory you know different if you have a fire guy, you don't want to catch another fire guy out there. So you're looking for other stuff. And then you raise them by battling. And then you try and assemble a team that's able to beat anyone you're up against, whether it's a wild trainer outside or it's a gym. There's eight gyms in every region. Is this Pokemon Go we're talking about?

No, no, no. This is Pokemon. Pokemon Go is dumb. There's a lot in common done with pokemon go yeah pokemon pokemon go is dumb because you're just fighting whoever is the most autistic in your region okay someone who's real into it and can defend that base doesn't have a day with the way that game has fallen off though couldn't you be the most autistic perhaps no no because they're adding more stuff now and people are like i to be fair i don't know much about pokemon go but i know they've added like interpersonal battling which would probably make it more fun death it would definitely make it more fun because when i was playing it a few years ago like literally the

game was try and catch as many pokemon as you can. Also, pay money for more great balls to catch Pokemon easier. Oh, go to your local gym and fight, and then as soon as you win a battle there and you go home, some other guy's going to beat you. But it's apparently better now. But regular Pokemon on Game Boy, I still love it. I still jump back in and play every so often. It's a good game.

Pokemon Go got really crappy when you couldn't find them, I still jump back in and play every so often. It's a good game. Pokemon Go got really crappy when you couldn't find them, when they stopped you from being able to find Pokemon around you. Oh, did you play Pokemon Go? Yeah, for a minute, until I almost crashed trying to catch a Snorlax, and then I said, all right, I'm done. I got to stop doing this. My car. You played in a car.

It just popped up while I was driving, and I was like, fuck. I got to stop doing this. My car. You played in a car. It just popped up while I was driving. I was like, fuck, I got to get that Snorlax immediately. But you had to be in the app looking for things for it to pop up, right? Woody, you don't understand how crucial a Snorlax catches. Yeah. I played a little. You see a Snorlax in the wild? You got to catch it.

Colin and I would buzzer with the airport. If I'm in the air in front of you in the airport I caught the Snorlax I used the Pokeflute to wake up last night on this Colin and I would buzz around in the golf cart so who's autistic now and play Pokemon Go no I love Pokemon

it was like a part of my childhood I remember like now it sucks because all the games are so tailored for children that when I jump back in to try and play it, first of all, the Pokemon are terrible now. It's like fucking ice cream cones and shit. And second of all, you'll like walk up to someone in the game and it'll be like, oh, Professor Professor Robinson, where do I need to go to get the next item to go to the next gym? And he'll be like, you need to go to Route 5 next item to go to the next gym and he'll be like you need to go to route 5 and talk to the silly man in the hat and

then you'll be running through route 5 and there'll be a guy like doing a dance in a silly hat whereas before in Pokemon Red and Blue that came out in like 97 that I was like used to playing way back in the day it was like yeah you gotta find this good fucking look and it was

just a game of discovery like you had to go to every corner of the game and try and figure stuff out and put it together and of course you fight more wild pokemon and raise your pokemon that way like i don't know i like the old system better i don't like how easy it is now oh you don't sound old at all it's it's literally a kid, Legos were for men. Now it's easy mode. It is. There's an item called experience. There's an item called experience share.

My music was better than what these dumb kids listen to now. Tell us about the Jitterbug, Taylor. Back in the late 90s, you had to wait until you beat the elite four at the end of the game before you got your experience share now you get your experience share item the beginning of the game which means you could just train up shit-ass pokemon in your lineup while using your best one to fight back in the day you had to throw your shitty one out there for one turn and be like please don't kill it please don't kill it please don't kill it and then pull it out of there and throw the good one back in to get them some experience it's just uh you know it's not just

it's not the world i grew up in i want to make pokemon great again have you seen that uh picture of uh what if zelda was developed today i haven't seen that. Welcome to Zelda has all this text all over that iconic opening screen. Press A to go into the caves to get your sword. Yeah, pretty much. That's what was endearing about those games back in the day. I played through Pokemon Red in 1997 or 8,

whenever it came out, when I was like 7 or 8 years old. And I played through the game at least two times before I realized, oh, I don't have to keep restarting the entire game when my Pokemon dies. There's a Pokemon Center where you can heal your Pokemon and keep playing the game. Because there was no instruction. You just had to figure it out literally in the beginning professor oak goes i need you to find my parcel and bring it back here

good luck yeah with some shit ass no instructions and a zelda game with no sword these are better they're it's much better fun it's kind of look, Link. This is a good point. Maybe you should go in. That's pretty funny. Yeah, but back then it was like, hey, look, Link. Yeah, I mean, if one thing is definitely true, video games just get worse and worse and they're not fun

anymore the good stuff is from 20 years ago as far as this genre it just went too easy with it you know what a good game is pong that's some shit or pinball that's that's back when games peaked you know it's actually a way more... Asteroids. Asteroids. That was a game for men. Dude, a way more realistic take on the retarded shit I've been spouting the last 10 minutes is that I'm now a 28-year-old man playing a game for 11-year-olds, and I'm like, this

is fucking easy, dude. I'm fucking trashing people they should make it back i was in 1997 that's what i'm seeing yeah yeah that's exactly what it is oh oh now i'm the boomer this should be an adult mode on that game that unlocks swearing and difficulty. Oops, right? In the new Pokemon, you can't name your rival's character racial epithets anymore, or it says not allowed.

That's bullshit. All of them? They got all the racial epithets on there? I went through all the ones I knew. Took me 90 minutes. I went through all the ones I knew. Took me 90 minutes. We're going to have to invent a new one.

That's it. China man. Damn it. China man. Call up the Klan. We need a new name. We need to get a Coke orgy going so we can get a white smoke to see what our new racial epithet is. I played with the guy in Call of Duty.

This is just before I started YouTube. And his Xbox login was a sweet child. And after a while, I'm like, bro, because he was older than me, right? He was like 50 or something back then. And I'm like, why are you a sweet child? What is that? And he's like, oh, it's so stupid.

My son chose that login. It's so that the kill feed says you killed a sweet child and it's supposed to dissuade people from doing that. I thought it was great. I remember like early, early Xbox before they banned anyone and I killed someone named an absolute retard. And it was a total retard, something like that and it was i don't know that made me laugh so hard that was that was a good one quality quality move and cod 205 yeah my first xbox or

maybe the second one my the gamer tag got automatically created i remember i was really excited to get going so i was just skipping through all the stupid setup scenes uh steps to get through and i ended up with the name um a fateful kitten something yeah whatever all right so a year later i was playing diablo and i kept getting all this free shit like people would give me all these weapons and just dump on me. I was like, wow, this is odd. Why do people want to play with me? Why am I getting all these free, making the game great? And then it was messages like, hey, so do you want to team up?

And I was like, oh, fuck. That's when I noticed in the message box, this is coming to fateful kittens that they think I'm a suicide girl. Alright. Well, fuck it. I'm getting free shit. I'm just going to lean into it. My mic doesn't work, but yeah, I'd love to.

Dude, that's a common strategy in the World of Warcraft world. People will impersonate women and like you said get a leg up yeah good stuff all right well dick where can everybody find you you can find me dick dot show the dick show.com patreon.com slash the dick show there you go there it is make him so successful he leaves his real job make dick wildly successful i love dick funny i think i'd lose my connection with reality if i didn't have a real job that's just it's too important overrated that connection probably

why don't you live in just a better world sometimes i think the job is the better world it's not peace now there's no lawsuits and people telling me i suck all day every day hey you don't you don't even have a structured like a nurse you don't even have a gaming twitch channel if you're looking to to start yourself a twitch channel do it with me and woody you know what i do getting it going we're already rolling i'm i'm gonna be the grand poobah of twitch until they ban me for something i've said here right i play with i play with my nephew he whenever he comes over we fire up twitch so that his little brother can watch and he's like

learning what twitch is and interacting with people. So he becomes this little game show, like this game show host now, because he knows people are watching. He goes, okay, folks. So this is the part you've all been waiting for. This is, we're going to go to the Mushroom Kingdom and we're going to see where Yoshi is in Peach's house. Like he'll introduce it in this super cheesy voice.

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