Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #456

Episode Date: September 20, 2019

In this week's PKA, this week we've got testicular cancer survivor & muscle brah who eats more than anyone else, Furious Pete on the show & Harley from Epic Meal Time also returns, for that dynamic duo for the first half of the show. Then our friend Paintball Kitty jumps in halfway through the show and the guys talk about Trump trying to make flavored vaping illegal in the state, Harley shares some stories about his time at Top Gear and Pete discusses his life post-testicles.

pka 456 with our guest furious pete taylor today this episode is sponsored by goat.com squarespace and smart mouth pete thanks for stopping by and our good friend a fellow canadian harley should be stopping in soon yeah but uh he he got caught up he was uh he was banging he was banging some some nice piece of ass he was texting us all about it and he forgot he was supposed to be on the show oh his girlfriend oh shit he's not even single i hope she doesn't watch yeah i don't want to throw stones at harley but thank you pete for actually coming when you said you would you know i i showed up right on time and i i mean i really didn't expect anything you know anything less from harley but still like you, you know, I mean, one of the Canadians showed up.

So that's all that matters. Yeah. One for two. So it's been a minute since we've had you on. I think the last time we had you on was, like, in the midst of your cancer surgeon back up again. Does that sound right? I mean, it's like I've been battling it for like five years now so

at one point in time like there's always there's like i went i had surgery then at one point i had uh radiation then i had chemo i think i i think i talked to you guys during chemo um and then this past year i had surgery again so uh hopefully that's the last of it uh there's not much more that can happen yeah yeah it's not much more yeah can happen. Yeah. It's not much more. It's a two for two thing, right? Yeah. I think when we talked to you last, you had one nut left,

but you had the news that you were going down to zero. Really? Is that when we're, no, I don't think we're. You think I have it wrong? It's possible. Yeah. It happens all the time.

No, no, no. Unless, because I found out in january uh this year so it wasn't this soon no oh okay well i don't i don't know point is that no what's what's crazy is that if you have your one testicle removed there's a two percent chance of you ever having to remove the other one. So you beat the odds. You know, what could I say? If only I was that good with the lottery too. So let me ask you, is having no nuts as awesome as I expect it to be? Like you never bump them.

I don't find they're really useful in my day-to-day life. You get to choose your own testosterone level, which I assume is that of like an 18 year old. That's what I'd pick. Yeah. I mean, like, you know, there's the whole figuring out your testosterone and keeping up with injections. It's like something that I keep forgetting. So it's, I'll feel great. And then all of a sudden I'll feel like shit and I can't figure out why I'll be like, Oh, I was just like, I'll like, I'll like look at a needle and I'll be like, I don't want to put that

in me again the kind of thing but that's really the only drawback um because there really is nothing else that's like you have to stick yourself uh I do it once a week oh that's not as bad I was thinking like a twice a day thing that's not uh no uh yeah like I talked to other guys with with uh you know that don't have any what's it called what's uh from game of thrones the the eunuch no no no no that the guys that uh were fearless uh oh unsullied that's it that's it so i was picking all the bad eunuchs yeah yeah yeah oh the fat one oh the one that's a bitch what exactly is reek missing now uh so i was talking to another guy that um yeah he's got no nuts either and he uh does it twice a week in order just to you know

keep the levels at bay that's just the that's the hard part where it's initially the doctor started me every two weeks and by day eight i was just like boom like mood like just you're depressed you have maximum stress you have have anxiety, you can't sleep. It's insane what testosterone does to your body. Everyone growing up will think, oh, it's for muscle and strength, but it's just literally

every male without it is fucked. Yeah. It can cause cancer, not having testosterone. Yeah. I just feel like Yeah. Yeah. That causes like, well, it can cause cancer, not having testosterone. Yeah. But like in other places. So I just feel like you,

you, you should be on steroids. You have steroids in that. If I was in your position, the doc would be like, Woody, your two month supply ran out in one month again. Like,

yeah, universe works in mysterious ways. It's like, I've been in the fitness world for so long that it's, it's always like been like kind of like frowned upon oh you're taking steroids you don't need to hang out in your corners no no just like you know the younger crowds whatever it's just it's the online whatever but i'm also friends with uh you know a bunch of big guys that compete and they're just like dude you gotta triple up your dose man like you're gonna feel great you are yeah i think you should take it twice a week but not lower the dosage

yeah maybe just because uh i probably would feel better you feel great you feel superhuman right but i also want to figure out a level because i have to do this for the rest of my life now right so i want to kind of like not you know just figure out a level where i feel good and back to myself and that you know i was always strong in the gym and i feel good now but uh you know maybe i'll double up the dose for a couple months and see what's up did that did the working out like drop off at all like yeah you know i'm having a hard time getting back into it um really so this this whole year it's like uh yeah just like my gym is right here like behind this wall and uh i just have trouble like starting i don't know i don't know what it is i

love it when i start i like it but uh just choose to do something else i don't know what it is like i'll train like four times a month the answer is so obvious to me more tea more tea baby like yeah i know right you're like yeah i don't know i'll be like i have to lift something oh my god i gotta do something like you're like i have to do this for the rest of my life you get to do this for the rest of your life at 70 your t levels can be your choice well i mean i mean you could most most uh you know men at uh well not most men but a lot of men like, if they're smart, they will do testosterone replacement therapy when they get older.

I can picture Woody showing up at the doctor's bloody crotch and being like, I need all the testosterone you have. We can't do that. He's like, well, then can you put these back on? This is a real botch job. He used a box cutter

they have this new system where they actually have an implant that goes into your ass they actually do an implant it's a very small thing whatever they implant in your ass once every six months and it keeps your testosterone levels perfect for six months so I've done a ton of

research on this it's just getting into North America right now. It started in Germany. And I mean, the Germans are doing, it's probably good. Or, or the downside.

It takes a long time to get your levels, right? Like they, they put it a couple of pellets in your butt and then it releases. And it's not like your weekly injection. Oh, so you know about it. I do.

I look at this shit constantly. I daydream about it and um uh so anyway like the adjustments that you can make with weekly injections can help you dial in on what's perfect for you but with pellets they're these slow release things and like it can every six months you can adjust up or down so it might be three years before you're really at your perfect spot. Oh, really? Oh. Man. This is a little scientific, but have you found it? We're going to do two pellets this time. Do it.

The thing about hormones, you can fuck with them all you want. No consequences. Just pump yourself up. No back. You're going to have the densest bones at Sunnyside Nursing Facility. You're going to be 70, like an 18-year-old skipping in there, boning grandmas. Oh, shit. Like a real concern though, like can that make you bald?

Like the testosterone? Because you're just getting back to your normal level. It's not going to help. No, no, no. So testosterone won't do that. It's all the other shit that you probably hear about. Like if you abuse anything, maybe. But it's all the other drugs that I think that are prone to actually make you lose your hair.

I never had like a good hairline anyways. I can see it through the little hole in your cap. It's there. Oh, there's hair, but it's always been receded. Come on. That's his strong spot right there. Besides, you don't hair but it's always it's always been receded come on that's his strong spot right there besides you don't know that's where it goes is there anything uh is there anything fun you can do with your nut sack that you couldn't do

there is no sack you know what happens is like the balls come out right and it happened initially when my first one came out there was a lot of like sackage there and then eventually it tightens up and so same thing happened here uh there was it was like first like three four weeks it was really uncomfortable it was like you know it's like something's getting in the way it's almost like you're getting chafed right there um but eventually like it just tightens up and you're good to go i mean it's great you have nothing like like i remember i mean it wasn't that long ago but like you're taking you're taking a piss and then like you'll do a zip up too quickly or something then you get like you know you get something caught in there that hurts and then this doesn't happen anymore yeah you only have

the best part of the male genitalia. And I would argue the best looking part. Plus, balls deep has a whole new meaning. Oh, you can get deeper now? Yeah. I picture your genitalia now being very aerodynamic looking. Yeah, and it also looks bigger as a result,

right? That's why I'm getting my pubic bone removed. I can't make my dick any bigger, But if I could carve out my belly around it You know I'm going to get that Marilyn Manson surgery So I can suck my dick Where you remove ribs Is that just a myth? Did he do that?

It has to be What kind of a fucking loser do you have to be One of the biggest stars of the 90s And be like I can't get anybody to suck my dick? No, did he get like a bunch of kids to do that for him? A bunch of kids? I've never heard that. Wait, did he?

I have no idea. The only thing I know about him is he makes music I don't care for. I thought he was a woman when I saw his first album cover. And I know that, well, yeah. Isn't that the whole documentary about uh that she did that the whole time no Michael Jackson oh my yeah no Marilyn Manson I'm talking oh whoops my bad my bad sorry they're both no no no yeah yeah yeah sorry yeah I was like like wait you don't know about this like Michael Jackson little kids like you don't know about this no I was I was wondering

about the nutsack thing I had no idea that it would just suck back up there because it's a i saw a late night infomercial like maybe 10 years ago where it was like dogs sometimes get sad when you uh cut their balls off so we sell nudicles and i could i could i could have i had that like, I think I had the option. It's funny. They never asked me the first time when my first guy got removed. I don't know why. I was like, kind of like, because everyone else they talked to did. So I was kind of insulted. But yeah, I wouldn't have done it either.

But the second time they asked me and I was like, well, I didn't get it done the first time. Why would I want to get it done now? It's like, what's the point? And I've heard that they get uncomfortable sometimes. Like they just get, it's not necessarily like a good thing. I think mostly like the younger kids do it. Like, you know, if they're 20, just confidence thing. Yeah.

I wonder if they're attached in. Like normal balls have like a vase deference on them that kind of hold them where they belong. If they're just loose in there, you could like swirl them around, you know know like like balls in your hand yeah it's like watch this yeah i can switch my balls right because i remember like at the age of maybe 10 or something you know you're infatuated with your deck and balls that age oh yeah and i remember like just thinking in my head like it's just a couple of free floatingfloating fellas in there and doing their thing. I twisted them once and replaced. Then I twisted them again and got a little partial thing.

I was like, I guess one has a side and that's all I need to know. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Imagine if you had fake ones. You could change their size, whatever you wanted to. It's like, okay, now I want to fuck with people. a valuable lesson that day imagine if you had fake ones you could you could change their uh size whatever you wanted to like you know it's like okay now i want to like fuck with people

so it's like i'm gonna make them like you know yeah billiard balls kind of thing and then you know those bouncy balls that light up yes getting those in there it looked like there's like you hold a flashlight up to your palm and you got you can see all the veins and you're not you know the possibilities the possibilities are endless, guys. It is. You should have been like, yeah, I'm down for the musical thing, but I want three. Hear me out. Hear me out.

Have you seen Total Recall? But man, that's nice that it makes it look streamlined, efficient, like the usual feel of cocks. Yeah, I was kind of like, you know what I was mostly concerned about? I don't know. I heard that you're not going to be able to go. You know, you're... Pee. No, no, no.

You won't be able to like come, you know. And yeah, no changes. There's just no swimmers inside there. Really? Is the load the same size as previously? You know what's funny? I kind of feel like there's more. Nice.

I don't know why. You know, I'm hearing a lot of upsides on this thing. Yeah, it's like... You get to choose your own T-level. You get more cum. Just do some chemo radiation and then you're good to go. That part I don't recommend.

What was the initial symptom like? You probably told us last time, but how did you first know that you were sick? So I was actually in my gym here, and I was climbing like a rope, like climbing rope, and my ball hurt a lot. It was like I came down and I was like oh, it feels really uncomfortable. Sometimes obviously you can get something caught coming down the rope or whatever. But then when I took

a look that night because it was still kind of pulsating because you don't really look at the size of your nuts if nothing is if you're not thinking about it, nothing's wrong. Right. And I saw that my left one is actually three times bigger than my right one.

Hmm. Ah. That's a sizable difference. It's always been like that. No, I mean, obviously not. Well, at this point in time, it was infinitely the size of your right one. I noticed that it was huge compared to the the other one what's your level of confidence that like was that a

brand new symptom you think or do you think that had been creeping up on that size over time you just weren't watching i mean i would say i wasn't watching because you know um judging like i mean people don't think about like looking like i mean there's i'm creating a lot of awareness with it now and i think a lot of people know more like a lot more people are talking about like looking like, I mean, there's, I'm creating a lot of awareness with it now. And I think a lot of people know more, like a lot more people are talking about it, but like, you don't like people don't look at that. People don't think about that.

Or it's like, if they see that there's like something up, they'll be like, eh, whatever. Like, it's probably, I just saw,

I got, I got hit in the nuts the other day or like, I probably just slept on it. Weird. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Like if one of my facial cheeks started enlarging i'd know right away yeah one of my testicles

changed size it could slip by me yeah and like uh one of the facts that really always startled me like still startled me to to this day is that uh when males seek and like see an irregularity it takes them five months to seek help like that's the average they won't go to the doctor because they're embarrassed and all this other stuff and that's i mean think about what can happen in five months you can go from like stage one to stage four like cancer right it's just like you know you could have done something about it like you could have just had the ball removed and then you'd be fine but now instead the cancer spreads to your body because it gets uh contained in the testicle for a little for a while and then

eventually it'll it'll spread but it can be in there for a long time so you know that i had it you noticed a size difference how long did it take you to do something about it medically uh i saw the doctor the next day i went to a walk-in uh he sent me for an ultrasound the same day urologist urgent care no i went for uh just a walk-in normal walk-in um because i wasn't sure like this might be a canadian thing so this is your like family doctor no no no so we have walk-in clinics you guys don't have that i've never heard of that no we have to pay for everything i mean i mean technically we pay for it with uh taxes so um we have these walk-in clinics where it's like if you have something, it's not like your doctor or anything, but whatever.

I have one right like two minutes away. And if you have to, you have to take any patient as long as you have your health card. And so he took a look and he's like, it could be anything. He doesn't know. Could be, you know, swollen. It could be the C word. And I was like, whoa, really? What?

Obviously, I had already like looked at Dr. Google way too much. And I was already like, uh, I don't know what's going to happen, whatever. But, uh, it took me one for an ultrasound the same day.

And within 30 minutes of the ultrasound, the doctor said, you got to come back in. And yeah, then he told me. So how long was it before chemo started? Uh, so I had surgery first.

After surgery, about two months after surgery, they said, looks like everything actually, you know, nothing spread. We're good to go. We're a little bit concerned about one lymph node. We're going to keep like an eye on that. We had one lymph node that was about one centimeter in diameter. that um i had one lymph node that was about one centimeter um in diameter and about six months after that um you know i was going in for regular scans and blood work and all that and then six months after that they noticed that one of the lymph nodes started growing so that one that was

one centimeter was now 1.8 and that's that's a concern i'm an idiot where's the lymph node is it so lymph nodes are all over the place but they'll be like i mean they were in my stomach at that point okay so that's where they saw it because if uh you know if you start here right it'll travel actually like this that's the at that 99 of cases this is where the cancer will travel okay and so um so started went to my stomach and they said you can do it either radiation or chemo I didn't want to do chemo I wanted to do radiation and then get back to real life

Because I was like okay let's do it And then everything looked good for like a year and a half After that So going back 2014 14 Trying to do the math here 2014 had my first surgery

Summer of 2015 had radiation And then 2017 2014, trying to do the math here. Yeah, 2014, had my first surgery. Summer of 2015, had radiation. And then 2017 in January, I started chemo. But it was like in between all these events was, you know, everything looked good. And then all of a sudden it creeps up on you. But when I had chemo, man, it was like i had a five centimeter tumor right here in my you know my chest then i had like one here and then i had one here so i mean oh yeah yeah i mean chemo killed it um tc and chemo are good friends so i mean like i mean they're not good friends they really like it works really well uh with tc but uh i know obviously it doesn't work with a lot of these other ones, but with TC it works very, very well.

TC, testicular cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I put it together. I'm sure there's some percentage of viewers that didn't. That's why I said it. No, no, for sure, for sure. I'm just so used to saying it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. So then they got rid of the tumors in your body And you still had one Testicle left Yep yeah so I had one testicle Left and Was it 2000

September 2018 I guess One year ago exactly I started having really Really elevated blood work of HCG. HCG is like the indicator of either a woman's pregnant or you have testicular cancer.

So I had extremely elevated HCG levels I've never had, like 10 times higher. Had you been having unprotected sex? Always. All sex is unprotected now totally totally

I've been with my girl for 10 years now so I mean like it's always unprotected of course um yeah uh but anyway so yeah I had uh oh wait I know what you're saying hold on sharp as a marble listen listen

I didn't crack my beer yet that's my problem now we're good to go look at this dude I want to have drinks with this dude I don't know he must love beer like a Belgian beer yeah I saw on your Instagram I don't know. He must love beer.

Like a Belgian beer. Yeah, I saw on your Instagram a... Is that you drinking five beers in like 20 seconds? Yeah, I didn't know if it was good or not, but yeah, bottles of beer, I guess it's kind of hard to drink fast, right? With no tricks or whatever.

So yeah, I was like, no, it's under a minute, whatever. But the challenge on YouTube is like 10 bottles in under 10 minutes. I'm like, it's a joke, right? I don't know. Most people probably just feel like shit afterwards or like they get too much carbonation in their body. Are you saying a joke like that's so easy?

Yeah. Yeah. 10 beers in 10 minutes. Well, he's five in one minute. So to do five more in the next nine. Well, then I'm sure it gets considerably difficult. I don't know because it's just all the carbonation in one minute. So to do five more in the next nine. Well, then I'm sure it gets considerably difficult. I don't know because it's just all the carbonation in your body. I think that's the only concern.

And you're done with the challenge before you even feel how drunk you're about to be. That's right. So you can stay focused. And then, man, that's one of those challenges where like, oh, how many laxatives can I eat? How many five-in-one brownies can I eat in five minutes? Like where the real pain of it's coming after the fact? Well, no. Spicy food is terrible at the start and terrible coming out.

Like super hot, hot, hot peppers. They're just like dying. And then you're dying because it feels like you're shitting glass afterwards. Back to the medical thing. Were you on TRT when you had one testicle? No. No, one testicle can do it. Yeah, one testicle takes over the entire thing. Were you on TRT when you had one testicle? No, no. One testicle can do it. Yeah.

One testicle, uh, takes over the entire job. Your, your, uh, testosterone levels maybe won't be like exactly like everyone else. There'll be a little bit lower,

but they'll, you're fine. Okay. Like I, I, I deadlifted 700 pounds with one testicle. Yeah. So I bet you know,

I haven't studied this constantly, but my understanding is like people who get on trt and the levels are like i forget maybe 300 to 900 something like that if you're already at 400 and they take you to seven it's not that big a deal it's the guys who are at 200 that they take to seven who really or me like now it's zero two yeah well of course yeah but all i'm saying is like if one testicle tick does 80%, that's all you need, it seems. Yeah, B minus is passing. There you go.

No, I call it a Super Bowl. It's like it turns into a Super Bowl. There you go. Yeah. So anyway, then you thought everything was over after the first one and the chemo, and then they just kept testing you in case it went wrong. Yeah, no, it's like you do follow-ups for the next five years, 10 years, whatever. The space between appointments gets longer and longer. But this time around,

the doctors had no fucking idea what was going on. Literally, like they were calling doctors in the States, everything. They've never seen a case like this where they did scans, they did MRIs, they did everything and they couldn't find any problems. Yet my blood work was still elevated as hell.

They just, because I think there was a 2% chance, such a small percent of a chance of me ever getting into my other testicle, they never really did an ultrasound there. They should have, but they didn't. Can you malpractice those fucks

over that and be like, you should have checked my other nut um can you malpractice those fucks over that and be like you should have checked my other nut i don't know yeah i i don't know anyways but it took it was four months of that fuckery in my head of not knowing what was going on uh you know on google every day like what could it be what could it be i was like looking at every four what like people were like oh uh we we could do it or it's like or uh antihistamines can do it or like elevate your hcg on like but yeah it was it wasn't that at the end of the day it was uh yeah it was just cancer my other ball is a is a nut that has cancer in it like is it still creating normal sperm at the time yeah yeah so it'll it'll pile in i guess so that's a good question no no he's like for no like if you wanted to have kids

oh sorry sorry sorry yeah no i actually did that before i started radiation i froze my guys so they were telling me like you know you do radiation you get like this massive like iron ball that you put over it and we're all excited you put over your balls so that obviously it doesn't get radiated but they still can't uh tell you hey everything's gonna be okay so you freeze guys so i've been freezing i've had good guys getting frozen like i know that they're super sperm because of this okay i came in to you know because they're visible take them out whatever you want to call them yeah and they told me that i was going to take three sessions to get like you know the average is like you have to come in

three times in order to get enough samples uh for freezing for future purposes one time really one time one time but you still came back for the other two just to just to blow out For future purposes. One time. Really? One time? One time. But you still came back for the other two just to blow out everybody else on the counter. So when that lady goes back, you're like, what's your name? And it's like, no, just pick the one that's bubbling over a little bit. It's not about the amount, though, right? It's about the quality. It's about the quality. I felt pretty good about that i was like really so when you donated

this firm is there like like what was the room like what was the what do they have any motivational materials for you yeah they did actually actually had my girl come in with me yeah it was like you know it's kind of like uh you we've been i i proposed uh probably two years prior to that uh-huh or a year prior i don't remember when it was no it was like a year year prior to that and uh you know obviously we've been thinking about kids and it couldn't do it now so i was just like i don't know it just felt like a good thing to do so anyway she came in she did some fun things around whatever uh yeah it made sense i'm sorry mr mr furious but there's a lot of a lot of spit why is there saliva in this sample was it in her mouth

first there's a lot of saliva in the cup but Can you tell your wife to put her shirt back on? Tell her to stop heading over. If I ever am given sperm that I'm going to save, I want to do the same thing, but I'm going to deal with traffic. I want to have an impressive backlog. And every time I want them to bring me the same cup so I can just add to the total. I want to go into a little donor room, but I'll have three hired prostitutes with me.

I'm just going to roll in with my arms around them. We'll be back. Sir, once again, it's still not legal if you donate. You know what would be fucking funny? As if the doctor who's running it is like, we've got some motivational materials in there, and it's just a poster of that cat trying to talk after the last one. Believe.

Alright. There's some pussy in there. I've given a sample twice. Between kids, we had a hard time having the second kid. It turned out to be Jackie's side. Obviously. No, it could have been you.

It's because of the doctor thing, though. Yeah. So she had a C-section, and they didn't sew her uterus back up. So she was actually getting pregnant but losing it right away. But we didn't know that, so they were just checking things out, and they had me come in and give us a sperm sample or two i think actually so i went to that little room these magazines were not well cared for you know like like like some of them were like white with the thumbprints having like rubbed again like whatever grip the guys were using and sweating with and uh they're like pages were

ripped and then like put back where they go it wasn't like guys were taking them home it's just this magazine is in a state of disrepair and i really feel like like i don't know this whole setting here is not not hot to me i was hoping for a little video thing uh you didn't have one? Oh, man, I had everything. They had video? Oh, Canadian healthcare is so great. No.

They had a nice video. They had two options, VCR and DVD. What did you sit on? Oh, there was a nice, huge, comfy chair. I had an office chair. I had an office chair in a tiny room with a small desk in front of me. You could adjust the lighting. You could make it darker. And I could really go almost 180 down.

So it's like if the business was going to help me out, then it would be like, okay, let's do it. It's a way better wanking environment than I had. You know who's really got the right idea? China. Go on. They have sperm collecting milking machines. So you just put your dick in there and it just milks

it out of you. Pretty high quality. Are we looking at an image only here? No. You click on it and it opens in your browser. Yeah. They've got that canadians have fucking real porn and shit and we're sitting there with a 98 kenya nat geo whoa buying our best this is like uh it's a moving flashlight this is amazing i know i should get one of these for the

house sure save picture. Extract video. I have so much more to give. Whoa. There's one picture where there's like five of them in a line. So you're all standing in a line with another guy? It's like urinals. I can't come when people are watching.

I'm cum shy. They have these kits so that you can do it at home now. They offered that to me and I declined it. I just did a brand video for charity with this company called Daddy

with an eye. You get this little container uh then you know you either put in the fridge for until it gets picked up and then they take it and they store it and it's like it's good value too it's like 100 bucks a year to store it i mean that's that's cheap and it's good like i don't know i'm not yeah i'm not promoting anything here it's just like they were it's a good system here where it's like... People should consider it more often. This is sperm storage?

Yeah. Watch this. Hold on. I'll show you this container. I hope that the container is just a flashlight. He's like, yeah, you pull this bag out, stick it in your fridge. I thought this was really cool. So you get like a box like this okay

and then inside oh container looks like apple designed it yeah that's cool my headphones back on otherwise come different yeah come different i'm just seeing these flashlights going in and out here i know it's so funny. It's making me hard. So yeah, you have a box and then this container comes out, right? And they even give you instructions. It says, text a nine-digit code

that's on the bottom of this cup and then always store kit and cup in the fridge. Imagine somebody mistakes it for something else. This manager's terrible. Is this supposed to fix wrinkles? Step two, masturbate and collect. To A, aim into the cup and collect your sperm.

Avoid lubricants. Step B, tightly screw on lid. Step C, push the button on the lid and break the internal seal to release sperm preservative. Oh, okay. That's cool. I was wondering, can it go bad?

So something's in there to make sure that it stays fresh. Oh. And you just keep it in your fridge and it lasts for a year. Are you telling me all the cum I have in my fridge is used? No, no. You guys got it wrong. You guys got it wrong. No year no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no so you get this kid you go inside right and then they pick it up the next day oh okay it's fedex the next day and then they freeze it

they test it and then they freeze it i feel can do that at home. They test it and then they freeze it. But they need the preservative in there before they can freeze it, I think. It's within the container. You release the preservative at home. Once you're done, you push a little harder into this and then it's sealed. Ready to go.

How much can it hold? Are you worried it has capacity issues, Taylor? No, I was meaning I've got a lot of zinc in my diet. Can this thing hold a quarter gallon? How much can it hold? Are you worried it has capacity issues, Taylor? No, I was meaning like, can you just like... I've got a lot of zinc in my diet. Can this thing hold a quarter gallon? I mean, can you see that? I think you're fine, buddy.

Maybe you're fine. Do they want you to fill it up, like masturbate multiple times? I don't think so. I think, well, I don't know. I really don't know. I guess one load of cum has like a million billion sperm, real numbers of sperm in there.

Just a lot of it. Yeah. What's extratrillion? Quadrillion? Quadrillion. And then pentamid? Five trillion. Syncrillion. Probably double that.

Yeah, man. Do you have blue eyes, Pete? No, brown. I was going to say, because you have light hair and blue eyes. And you can like, dudes in the, I saw some article,

dudes in the Netherlands, blonde hairedired blue-eyed guys making bank on their cum because people all over the world are ordering tall blonde blue-eyed cum and so it's just all the tall guys in the netherlands just like you know i think i'm gonna make 500 again today and masturbate at the clinic like think of how great a life it would be to just i don't i don't actually think you can maintain your standard of living that, but a little beer money just for being tall. Wait, $500 a week?

I make a lot. I made that up. It's incalculable. That's $14,000 a month, man. That's $15,000 a month. Imagine if that's how much they actually did pay you for one load of cum 15 grand a month that's all i do and oh yeah and you're working five minutes a day yeah and it's a sustainable economy because the dutch there's not that many of them the world's growing bigger and bigger

those guys damn elite yeah that's interesting commodity yeah yeah man i'm gonna go donate sperm now but only if it's not i guess only if it's in a different country where it looks fun because where you can't recognize your kids yeah what are you because the way you described it sounded fucking terrible sitting there in a sticky chair with magazines. I can imagine getting in there and reaching for a magazine and being like, no, this seems like an imagination day. And then just doing that. That nurse was hot enough that I just saw. Yeah.

It was, you know, I think of myself as a guy who's not super shy about it. But the container, it's like a wide, clear pill bottle almost. Like you might get a prescription in, but wider and clearer. And I held it, and it was warm on the bottom. And to me, it was like, ah, my semen is warm. But the person receiving it, it was not her first load. So they weren't making a big deal out of it at all, but I just wanted to hand it off and scurry away.

Yeah. I wouldn't want to hang out. What if they make fun of your cum? They'll be like, that's it? There's no chance they're going to make fun of you. This guy's cum sucks. Take a load of this cum.

Look at its viscous or lack of viscosity. I don't know what they'd make fun of. What's better? This tastes like shit. That's hazing in the cum receptacle clinic. All right. We test the pH and then we take a Q-tip and your first day. All right.

We test the pH, and then we take a Q-dip and your first day. Oh, there we go. It's a little bleachy. I think that you're missing out on the steroid game. I would definitely work in that angle. Who, me? Yeah. I am working that angle. If you're working that angle to be normal or healthy That's not where you want to be

I mean you know it's like what I told myself Was like you know I want to take like the first year Because I wasn't thinking about Like being strong And like powerful whatever it's like Those four months prior to finding out Really mentally fucked me for

Like probably a little bit till now still Okay and what do you mean by that Like you were like probably a little bit till now still okay and what do you mean by that like you were sad like a little depression no it's i don't even know how to describe it like um just felt like just didn't feel like myself i never i just motivation motivation was maybe not the motivation but i don don't know. Just never have confidence in yourself. It's almost hard to describe. Did your ambition kind of just go away? I think the ambition was there.

It's just I couldn't get it out. Okay. It's like I was trying and I don't know. There's some things that I just zoned in on and worked like crazy on like, uh, I'm really good at like ads now. And like I set up all this stuff for different companies like Facebook and Instagram ads for, um, just good. And I like it. So I like I focused on that. And then I was like,

I'm not focusing on the stuff that, you know, that I should be focusing on the furious Pete stuff because I'm trying to avoid it. But, uh But I don't know. I just almost didn't want to talk to my audience. I just didn't feel comfortable in front of my audience for a little bit. I don't know why. That's totally true.

It wasn't about the... It's almost like it doesn't necessarily... I'm getting better, but it's not about the audience, because the audience is so happy when I start doing more content it's more i don't know i think it's i think i just need to work out more and then i'll feel better and i think that's then that's going to be related to take more steroids yeah may as well you're already yoked just get silly big i don't think i want to get silly big. I would just want to get super horny and strong.

Perfect. You're selling me on it. Guys, I've masturbated 20 times today. That's 500 bucks alone. I'm going to need more tea and some skin-shafing lube.

Yeah. It sounds like life's not all bad with no nuts. And some skin-shafing lube. Yeah. Well, it sounds like life's not all bad with no nuts. With all the science we have now and the testosterone ass pills and these Chinese milking machines. I can't stop watching this gif. It's better. Your testicles are amateurs.

They're subject to human flaws. When you get on the science train, now you're exactly what you want to be, not what you get by chance. That's my take. Yeah, I think it's just maybe all the steps in between that just sucked. Yeah, I could do without the cancer.

That I don't encourage or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just that part. Yeah. So now, are you out of risk? With both these things gone, like, cause. No, it's like the first year is when you're at the highest risk. Where are you now?

Uh, so about half, eight months in, uh, still everything's clear. I do a CT scan in like four weeks, three weeks. And, uh, that's like first CT scan since like March. So I think like, so i think like if this is like probably like the the big ct scan where it's like you want to make sure you're clear here then it's like 95 of cases come back the first year okay so yeah my brother had cancer twice he um he had osteosarcoma in his thigh by bone it's a bone bone cancer. And that was a really big deal. And there was a lot of risk.

He didn't have his leg amputated, but the surgery was similar to one, where they removed the bone above and below the knee and then just put a new one in. He got actually a replacement this year. What's it made out of? Titanium, I think. I'm not positive, but I think it's titanium. Oh, that's like an upgrade.

Why the fuck would she want to do that? um uh so yeah but like it was interesting fascinating to me the surgery is a lot in common with an amputation where they just chop it off top and bottom and then put a fresh one in the middle and uh oh and then because the chemo was fairly aggressive on the osteosarcoma, he got lung cancer from chemo, which sucks. So then he had more chemo for the... I think it was chemo and radiation, maybe both, for the lung cancer. And now it's been a long time.

I'm going to call this 15 years ago, maybe more. Oh, fuck yeah. That's awesome. Getting lung cancer when you don't even smoke is the most unfair thing. I agree. Not fair. If you smoke like a chimney, then okay, you asked for it, right?

Yeah. And all the old people I see still tutting around who smoked like two packs a day for 50 years, how bad is smoking for you, really? They're like 85. Maybe those doctors in the 50s were right like yeah there's a chance it's fine everything's fine oh i feel cool

it's better to be cool than healthy that's definitely true one cigarette a day keeps the doctor away you You know who... Shit. Damn it. Ruined. Because I don't remember who that guy who was super unhealthy and died early. He was a great actor. Fat as fuck. Unhealthy? Blushy?

Well, that's one. That's another. And John Candy. Alright, they're coming. Farley?, Farley. Chris Farley. Chris Farley, he's another. The drama guy from the last couple.

Guy who died. That's not going to get the answer. Robin Williams? You're not going for that. Recent celebrity deaths. He was super unhealthy and he died. He was that guy. He played Capote. I don't know who Capote is.

I'm so bad with names. I'm not very good with names. Philip Seymour Hoffman. That guy always had the face of a real deal booze hound and drug guy. He was only 1967 to 2014.

We all know that math. He was only that many years old. You said with me. 47. He was only that many years old. Did you say 47? Yeah. How did you do that?

It's incredible. I have a master's in engineering. I've got one of those. Really? Yeah. The older you get, I guess. Yeah, maybe that's it. I don't have a master's in anything.

I have a master's in masturbating. I think we all do. You have a master's in engineering? Yeah. Do you have a focus in it too? Yeah, I did. That's funny. It's not like it's here.

I brought it to my office for a YouTube video for the first time because I did eating. I just keep it here. No, no, no. It's on the ground. You can see how much dust is on it. There's a lot. What did I do it in? yeah manufacturing engineering manufacturing yeah so my focus

was comp sci oh yeah so manufacturing engineering like like a product line like a manufacturing line that um so i did my so i did my bachelor in mechanical engineering and it's more like mechanical engineering is really specific. And then manufacturing would be like, you're going specific and also the broad, um, what are you doing? So overseeing stuff.

So making sure everything's flowing together, designing conveyor belts and like auto assembly plants. And is that, yeah, you could. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Or it's like, uh, that along with, I was doing like my uh my master's actually on a project with a company that makes like telescopes for the u.s military and nasa it's like really really precise like uh optic stuff so yeah i mean just related to that i guess i don't know did you do it did you have a career related to it? No. I went straight from university into YouTube career.

Okay. I finished year five. At that point, I was already doing competitive eating. Throughout a couple years of university, I did it. I was paying for my tuition or whatever. I had already started this German TV show that I'm still doing,

a food travel show and kind of like i wasn't doing i wasn't like making money on or anything on youtube but it was like growing it was growing and i want to take a year off from all this studying and everything and then all of a sudden like because i put effort into it it grew yeah never did that does your background in manufacturing engineering impact the way you view products like do you buy a drill and you're like look at this fucking worn out blow mold 100 no okay i actually like sometimes like my friends will go how the fuck did you not like understand this or how did you how do you not know how to do this you're an engineer i'm like what stop it just fucking fix it like

if my buddy's like a contractor or something like that or uh you know and i call him over to help me out with something he's like holy you know how to do this you're an engineer i'm like listen i got better things to do than this i got videos to make i got i got food to throw down my gut if we were at the pepsi plant, I might know something to do. I don't get that anymore. Now everyone knows me as a YouTube ad jackass who tells dick jokes, but there was a time when they'd be like, yeah, how far is Venus? How do you not

know that? Really, that will be covered. Or because it's a Comp Sci one, like, you know, you don't know how the magnifier tool works on Windows? Yeah, they don't teach that master of engineering yeah

engineering has always seemed hard so it was a bitch they gave us too many courses to do like in every semester would you know in your career path now would you have still stuck it out and done the engineering route or said fuck it, fuck it, and dipped?

No, no. I definitely wouldn't have. I wish I did. They have this program called Engineering and Business. I don't know. It's called Engineering Management, I think. So you did a little bit more the business side and engineering.

So I think maybe a little bit more beneficial, but who knows, man. You learn everything on your own anyways. You learn how to think in university. I feel like that's what you do. You learn how to think, you learn how to problem solve and everything else you learn along the way

and you can teach yourself this and that. You don't need to go for an entire course to alter your life and everything, right? Is every branch i guess of engineering because my friends who are computer engineers always like they'll tell me about a problem where they're dealing with and i'm just like all that's going over my head i don't fucking know i'm like how'd you figure it out and i'm like well i googled until i found someone who had that same problem and then i did what they did is that what every kind of engineering is

where it's like son of a bit it's not like you need to yeah you definitely don't need to remember any formulas or codes like i mean you're you have you know books for that you have manuals for that um but yeah i mean yeah i'm sure i mean but it's like it's it's not necessarily it's about knowing how to apply those like you know formulas or or like somebody tells you how to do something and understand it so you can apply it to your situation i think maybe that's where uh the little bit of differences my coding career spanned google's existence and uh so early on you just figured everything out by yourself and it was fucking awful like it's a daily iq test and everyone knows exactly how smart everyone else is.

The managers don't. They can't tell the difference. But we know who's who. It's weird to just know a stack ranking. That's not a thing that most people exist with. Sergey was in the corner. Yeah. Making this and that.

Potabi was. I was second. I think I really was second. But Potabi. Jesus fuck. That guy knew everything. He was a genius. Potabi?

Potabi Shroudavassin, yeah. He was so good. This isn't going to make sense to anyone, but he read The Art of Computer Programming. The Art of Computer Programming is this crazy series of books written by Knuth. I know no one's getting this, but it's like bits. Bites are five bits long instead of eight like normal. And he invented his own syntax,

his own language to demonstrate the things that he's teaching. Batabi's reading this book. I tried to read this book and couldn't read the book. I wasn't smart enough to get through this book. I'm like, I've looked at the last 75 pages but i really don't know what they just said okay patabi implemented that language i forget what it was called touring maybe something that he implemented in java he wrote the language so that he could type in what kanuth did and have it run and like it's the most genius thing i've ever seen in my life and it's like you think you're special you think

you're good right because you're better than all the average because you're surrounded by average and maybe you're above that and then Patabi rolls in and teaches you that there are levels to this game and is Patabi exactly what

I'm imagining that he looks like like does he look like that he's he was indian um yeah but like a skinny little guy glasses no no because he was the smartest guy in there when people walked in with like that's patavi he's like only managed or only engineers managers like me more like my projects would tend to be on time and do what the customer wanted and like uh what were you making it stuff like website and we were this is when cisco was getting into e-commerce and we were like building their initial e-commerce systems and uh uh patabi implemented solutions that the other engineers were just like, holy fuck. Or if we get stumped, we might tap into him.

But if you wanted him to lead a project, like as great as he was. Yeah, he's not a manager. He didn't lead other people. He didn't give a fuck about your timeline. He was very purist in how wonderful his solutions were. So he's a loner. A loader? A loner. A loader?

A loner. A loner. Yeah, but that's not it. I don't know. If you said, hey, I really need this done in four weeks, right? Some people by hook or crook would just make that happen. He'd be like, I can't do purity in four weeks. I'll be back in nine.

And just unapologetically do whatever he felt was right, which in some ways is good, but other ways is not what you need. Did he kill people? No. Not that you know of? In a precise way? Yeah, exactly. He was so pure that he got away with everything.

I can picture him being like the detective that they can't fire, where they're like, Punjabi, get in here! We need you to write this in four weeks. Like you're just going to take it very, very least six weeks. Damn it. Punjabi.

You're the best damn guy we've got. He would send out letters on how NASA did their it development and every deviation between what we did and what NASA did was like wrong. And it's like, dude, NASA spent $6 billion to do anything leo we get shit done in a month like there's there's like a little bit of cowboy's not the worst but anyway that's i'm sure people want to hear about it days just three more hours i i get it

we could tell oh yeah let's talk about come more I get it. We can tell. Let's talk about cum more. Yeah, thanks. Let's talk about feces. Before we jump into the next thing, we are going to hear from our good friends over at Goat.com. If you're buying sneakers online, there's a good chance the shoe you're looking at is fake. How can you be sure it's real? Well, Goat.com is the safest way to buy and sell authentic sneakers online. They're the largest marketplace in the world for authentic Yeezys,

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that's where you that's where you go you know i actually got a sent a pair of easies and they're from the goat nice perfect there was a little bit little card inside and it said that you know this is authentic you know from goat.gov and all that stuff it also says here they only sell sneakers to guys with big cocks and so get on there and so but like but i didn't order it's somebody else or how did they know they they know because of your now streamlined nutsack you're right yep yep i have a topic makes sense are you guys ready for this i i think so all right it's a 60 second read so buckle up glasses on yeah my girlfriend slept with her celebrity cutch rush i'm in shock i'm heartbroken my girlfriend and i have been dating for four years we lived together during that time oh oh

oh oh oh look who showed up start over say everything again? What's up, Harley? You're looking awfully sad there. Yeah, let me fix that. I know why you're looking sad. Let me fix that. He said because he missed an hour of talking with his friends. He missed an hour of talking with his friends. My friend. What were you guys talking about?

Come. My friend. What were you guys talking about? Cum. We were talking about how Pete's dick works and how having no balls is and Chinese cum extraction machines. Those cum extraction machines are amazing. I want one for under my office desk. I was going to make a terrible joke. I'm so happy I didn't say it. You said Chinese extracting device? I was like, isn't that just a slave child?

I'm glad you didn't say that. Yeah, delete that file. Can you delete that one? It literally looks like fleshlights moving. Yeah, I mean, they picked a strategy that works for people all around the world. They know what feels right, and they know what's going to get the biggest load out. Harley, we were just talking about this guy's conundrum. I was only a few seconds into it.

We're going to render our opinions on what he should do. Are you ready? Yeah. My girlfriend just slept with her celebrity crush. I'm still in shock. I'm heartbroken. My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years. We live together.

During that time, she's been obsessed with a very minor YouTube musician a very minor YouTube so we're not talking about like big subscribers we're not talking about big dick Kurt Hugo Schneider here he has a few videos with a couple million views and a small following

during our entire relationship she's always claimed that he was her exception. I've always assumed it was a joke. I fire right back with my own celebrity crush. Well, he went on tour and played at a city near us in a small venue. She went with a co-worker to see him. After the concert, she didn't come home that night or answer my texts. I assume she slept over at the co-workers since she lives closer to the venue.

Well, she came home the next morning and didn't talk about the concert much. I asked questions and got vague answers, which was odd. I assumed she was tired. Later that day, she broke the news to me. It was bizarre. She said it with a smile on her face as though I was going to be happy and excited for her. I'm heartbroken. I was yelling.

We were both crying. She said she didn't know how I'd react, that she didn't think that it would be this extreme. She said I always knew he was her exception. I didn't think she was serious. I'm currently staying in a motel, and I don't know what to do. I love her so much,

but I cannot think about her without thinking about what she did. She has tainted my memory of her. I can't help but think that she clearly does not love me unconditionally like she claims she does because this is not love. Clearly, I'm not the one she is obsessing

over, even though she is still the one I have always obsessed over. If I'm not enough for her, then I don't know if I'll ever be. And clearly, it seems like I'm not enough for her. I am lost, I am hurt, and I am alone. Dude. Who else is she fucking? Hold on, hold on.

This bitch is into minor YouTubers? I feel like she pulled the boo. Like, hey, Epic Meal Time ain't what it used to be. I feel like I'm pretty minor too now. I'm sorry. This guy's like watching the show. We're all like, hey, let me get in there.

What a fucking loser. Yeah. No, dude. If you stay with your girl after she fucks a minor YouTube guy, she will never have a modicum of respect for you ever again. It's over. She told you with a smile on her face. What a cunt.

And she was using him for years as it is like a safe card or whatever she was fucking other guys before that for sure i feel like you're not catching the like yeah the the brilliance of her exception right he fought he's like yeah jennifer aniston's mine and she's like bruce from accounting is my celebrity crush this is literally like so with my ex-girlfriend, she was like, oh, like, I think she was like Bradley Cooper's my, like, hall pass or whatever. And I was like, okay, for real?

Like, if you see Bradley, she's like, yeah. But you could have one. Who do you choose? And I was like, if you see Bradley Cooper, you could have sex with him. And I have to also choose a person. And she was like, yeah, and if you see them, you could have sex with them.

I was like, I choose the girl at Tim Hortons that's always hitting on me that you get mad at because she's so cute. That lives down the street. I'll go handle that shit right now. You have to leave for 25 minutes. Good luck finding Bradley Cooper. This was like a legit conversation. She was like, no, it's off.

It's off. I'm like, nope, too late. It was a verbal agreement. You said it. Yes, we entered a verbal contract. It was a verbal agreement. You said it. Yes. We entered a verbal contract. It was a joke. I also, I got to say, like, there's been a scenario where I've encountered, where I've had hooked up with a girl who, you know, they always say like, oh, and her YouTuber, like,

you know, don't, don't, don't fuck your fans or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Well, mostly because they're 13 year old boys yeah yeah yeah that or you're matthew santoro or like you know or like it's like a different it's like a different audience like me like some of my fans are like like i have like 51 year old fans you know what i mean so like yeah i'll fuck this old ass people so you're

saying you fucked a 51 year old i fucked a 51 year old man no so like i mean like i've had encounters with like girls and then after the fact then be like oh i gotta go my my boyfriend doesn't know you're here now for me i didn't know that and i had a huge and this this actually changed my perspective a lot in regards to like this situation with this young man and with this girl and with this youtuber my perspective's changed because i've been on the other side i've been that that little youtuber having sex with someone's girlfriend or whatever and then found out he might not even have known that she had a boyfriend oh yeah so like i in my experience like i remember a girl being like oh shit i gotta go like my

boyfriend and i was like when she left i was like you have a boyfriend and my entire mentality was like you you fucked the internet bacon guy like it's not even like i'm not yeah yeah but it's not like i'm like it's not like i'm i'm drake or or or or anyone cool or like some basketball but like it's literally the youtube bacon guy that yells and drinks like uploads a video and wraps his fucking friends dicks and i'm on her side i'd fuck that dude yeah he'll suck your dick good until you come he thinks i don't like him. Until all this sauce comes out. I'm the sauce boss. Sauce, sauce. That's the name of my gay porn.

We all fuck each other. But I was like, I was like, I was like, the terrible things you did. And that was for that weird bacon guy. You said that or you caught it? No, in my brain.

That's why after that that like like i've had like like some trust issues before but now my trust issues are like instantly like it's like uh it's like oh i'm gonna go to the kurt hugo schneider concert it's like you're gonna fuck him aren't you i know why you're going to the kurt hugo schneider concert i know why everyone goes there he fucks everyone there i watched I've been watching Kurt Hugo videos lately. I don't even know who that is. He does Billie Eilish remixes. He does, like, it's cool.

It's funny. No one knows who he is. He has, like, 11 million subscribers. That's quite a few. Wow. Yeah. He ain't no little YouTuber. I got to see what this guy does.

He looks like a handsome little boy YouTuber. I don't know, man. Can you say his name again slowly? Kurt. Oh. Kurt? I'm sure if you write Kurt, you're going to see it there. little boy youtuber i don't know man what can you say his name again slowly you go hurt oh hurt i'm sure if you're like kurt you're gonna see it there he doesn't he doesn't like the definition kurt jones yeah either i saw him like uh like a while back like a new while back but i started checking him out again recently because he would do like what if like justin bieber made bad guy

by billy eilish and then he like remixes the song to sound like a different artist made it. You know what I mean? I'm sorry. I'm still Googling Kurt to see how hot he is for some reason. Wait, but this isn't, we gotta close this up. This isn't the guy that fucked this guy's wife. Oh no, I didn't mean to imply that.

As far as we know. Yeah, who is that YouTuber? There can't be many little musician YouTubers, can there? Let's figure this out. Right? There can't be a lot. Yeah, DM that guy and ask. Yeah, hey, did you fuck a girl

lately? Oh, yeah, all the time. I'm cool. I've got 16,000 subscribers. You can see how conniving this bitch is if she was pushing the issue of like, haha, who's your hall pass? My hall pass is this guy who's easily accessible and coming to town in three months.

No, but how long ago did she... They were together for four years. How long ago did she bring up this hall pass? Well, not just that. Yeah, how long ago did she bring up this hall pass well not just that yeah how long ago when was this guy uh following her when did he start following her i bet this communication i bet this was set up well in advance it's not that's what i mean oh we ran into each other it's like no he knew you were coming in fact that uh that he may have even come to town before no yeah i think that this might have been the 10th time yeah you just you just like you guys are good at this i wasn't even operating on this level like it she probably i pictured she went to the concert stood out amongst all the other women and somehow got his attention that's not how it

happened is it no she was already she slid in the dms with her titties out and she was like my boyfriend said that i'm allowed to have sex with you and so after the concert I'm going to suck your cum. Yeah, well, no, she told him that like two years prior. At this point, she's already in the green room, like spread, like legs open ready, you know, kind of thing. No.

That's what I always add on my ride. I was like, I'm going to need a Diet Coke. I'm going to need a vase with white roses. It's just my grandmother. Only green M&Ms and a groupie with her legs apart. A married woman with her legs spread. And she needs to be ready to go. I don't do foreplay.

Very important. Yeah, this guy has no... Is he even considering staying with her? That's fucking pathetic. I think he is. You know what? Actually, I'll be honest with you. This is a huge thing.

This is where my mind has changed in a big way. Growing up, I come from a generation where it's like, bitch, I'm going to kill you. Bitch, I'm going to kill you. Eminem, what? My own wife isn't allowed out at night. I come from like, it's like your girl. It's very possessive. That like your girl. It's like very possessive.

That's your girlfriend. She's yours. No one can touch it or look at it. Exactly. If she ever decides you got to leave. Over time. One second before you continue. Did you hear about the guy in your neighborhood killing a girl yesterday with a machete?

Why are you freaking me out like that, bro? No, no joke. It was out on the street he like hacked her yeah yeah last night last night yeah yeah no i'm guessing it's for the same reason probably lock the door i'm gonna google that that's crazy yeah yeah so you your generation of owning women. I mean, I make my girlfriend wear the handmade tail outfit even in our home. And I've never watched that show.

Do you have your boys hold her legs open? Oh, well, yeah. Okay. It goes deeper than that. I don't actually know what that show's about. I just know that. It means your boys are coming in and holding her legs open for you while you come in and put a baby inside of her. Oh, shit. Great show.

They don't have, like, stirrups. They don't have, like, stirrups or something? So your boys don't have to come in? It's like a religious experience. Man, that show sounds... It's great. Actually, it's one of my favorite shows. Wait, what's it called? Handmaid's Tale. The Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, it's an...

I'm looking at the outfit, showing it to everyone. Easy access. I could see it. The biggest. I'm looking at the outfit, showing it to everyone. Easy access. I could see it. Make it make it work. The biggest reason I never got into that is because the main lady in that is the same character that I hated in Mad Men. Her character in Mad Men was so fucking annoying that it turned me off to her. I know that.

Oh, I love her in Mad Men. I've been there. Yeah. What was I even saying before I got started? Talking about how you need to make sure you're yeah your bitch is your property you know that's where i grew up that's how i grew up and it was like i grew up like uh uh and and i'll be like completely frank i'll be completely up front like when i grew up it was like your girlfriend your girl she can't do this or that like oh she had sex with more than seven people

i am concerned that she may be somewhat of a slut she had sex with more than seven people and it's like did you hear well at the age of 15 she's having sex she's having sex with with people of other color and religion too she's out of control she's not like it was like you're so specific and if someone does something now i've noticed like and i said this to my friends a lot of my friends were like in relationships for 10 years and they were like oh i'm gonna get out of this relationship i'm gonna be single now and i was like bro it's a very different now it's a very different place after a cheating you mean no just like like they're just 10 years with the same girl and now they're 30, and they want to go back out there, and they don't want to marry this girl.

They want to find someone new. And I was like, you come from a place where you've been with a girl who's been with you and maybe two other guys. I'm like, now you will find a girl who's been with two other guys that day. It's different. Sex is different. Everyone, literally like every single girl that I've matched on Tinder this year also has sex with girls. It's like a completely different landscape that I'm just at the point where like if something like that did happen and like my girlfriend did have sex with Kurt Hugo Schneider and I did love her her i wouldn't be so quick to be like well

looks like you fucked up i'm out of here forever i'd be like well now hold on a second if you're gonna fuck kurt hugo schneider i get to fuck kurt hugo i get to fuck kurt hugo schneider in front of you absolutely no it's like that's like, that's it. It's like, if you're ever going to fuck someone or suck their dick, I'm going to suck their dick too. I'm not saying that's the solution. But you're so serious until just now. No, but I am serious. I'm not about sucking off Kurt.

But I'm serious that I'm like, if I really love this girl and sex was the thing, then I would be like, well, what are we going to do here? How does this get better? How do we trust one another? How does this, like, what's the solution? But you're always going to think about that, no? Like, you're always going to be like, I don't know, she goes out. Not if I'm granted some leeway.

Like, if I get the angle. Yeah, but then it can, it can escalate to a point where it gets too loose, right? It's like where are the boundaries? Because then you think you're trying to one-up each other, one-up each other. Yeah, I feel like it would be.

I feel like people get jealous. The jealousy factor would kick it. If it gets to there, I'm just saying for me personally, and I totally understand. For me personally, I'd be like, okay, well, my turn. Yeah, but then it gets, I guess maybe, and then personally i'd be like okay well my turn yeah but then it gets i guess

maybe and then maybe like it'd be better for you guys like like you'd be like you know you get like all wound up and then you fuck then i feel like yeah you'd both be upset because you both got cheated i'm totally coming at it different like if someone cheats on me i'm oh it's over immediately like i i'm gonna lose feelings for them. You're right. It's a violation, a huge violation. It's a total lack of respect for the person you're with. But in this scenario, I thought there was a discussion ahead of time, and he just didn't believe that it was real.

It was like a meme discussion. If anybody's in a relationship and they're doing the, yeah, my cheat person is this. No, that's a joke. That's not real. It doesn't mean if you see Jennifer Aniston, she's down to clown. and they're like doing the yeah my cheat person is this like know that that's a joke this that's not real it doesn't mean if you see jennifer and she's down to clown yeah i think i think there's some flexibility there well not for me i thought this was a real thing no cheater you don't have you never had this conversation if you're if your girl was like hey i want to fuck

her to go shy you'd be like absolutely not we're not making this yeah i think like i think my girl had like dicaprio on her list or something like that and i was like i know that's never gonna happen but so like okay see that's why it's a meme it's like me talking about if i had a billion dollars see what happens if it did then you're like i'm old school harley on this right if my girl was like you know who plays captain america chris something or other chris ev. Yeah. If my girl was like, Chris Evans is my hall pass. That's the man. I really wish I was fucking him.

That conversation hurts my feelings. Right? Hold on. Hold on. The way you said it though, hurt me. I really wish I was fucking him. I was like,

wait, hold on. I'm on your side now too. I'm like, whoa. She sounds nasty. Just the fact that she wants a hall pass or fantasizes like it, like it like look i'm not so dumb

i'm not so dumb to think that i'm the hottest guy on earth or anything like i i get that perspective of it but still this isn't a this isn't something i want to hear a hall pass hurts my feelings the whole idea and then the fact that she took it so seriously she went and the guy like i'm on team taylor with this one like that would be an like an irreparable scar that i would never quite not see yeah you would see it all the time for sure yeah well maybe not harley is exactly like when harley's like oh well mine's the barista at tim hortons and she's like no no i know it's like okay see we're memeing around we're joking mine was defensive ability

if you want to do it I choose that girl right there right now I'm going to use mine right now I'm going to get mine out of the way we won't have to worry about it but then what happens right my celebrity crush just happens to take money for sex we can make this happen every week she's on the corner probably now.

Yeah, you're like on like you're like on like this is my hall of passage. Wait, no, this one. Let me call them. Not available. This is my hall of passage. Does Greek mean what I think it means?

Greek means anal, I think. Oh, Greek means anal, I think. Oh, Greek means anal? It does, right? I'm 90% sure. I didn't know that. See, that's why I laid it out there for people. There's probably a big chunk of our audience that didn't know.

Apple Piso. I thought that meant up the ass. I thought it was Greek, up the ass. I thought Greek up the butt was like a whole thing. I thought it was like Spartans. Let's see, English to Greek. Wasn't apple pie supposed to be a pussy? No, apple piso.

I thought it was a Greek thing. I thought you were just saying apple pie in a funny way. Apple pie! These are silly letters. I don't know what these mean. Mercury toncolo. What were we saying a second ago? I think you were talking about celebrity crushes

and the ability to get past an indiscretion like that. I think it's that maybe I just have such a disgusting rapport over the last 10 years, like a resume that is just so gross that I'd just be like, hey, you could honestly, you could fuck everyone that's ever been on pka and i'm still dirtier than you 500 episodes i'm

that's hundreds and hundreds of people he's gonna be getting fucked by we've been doing double guests top five hundreds and hundreds of people. Three girls. So many white men. So many white men and... Well, it's just so many men. Yeah. It's a boys club. Yeah. What solution does this guy want?

Let's give him a solution here. Break up and then you fuck Kurt Stevenson acapella or whatever. No, don't break up. Fuck the guy first and then see where it goes. You want to know? You think your guy's so cool. Well, guess who's holding his bleeding ass, crying in an alley

right now. Guess who's got a tap on his ass. Yeah, he's not so cool now. It'd be funny if they created tampons for post-anal. I feel like it just could get sucked up in there. Oh, you need a base or something, right? Otherwise, that's the thing? it can go in and stay in my friends who work in uh hospitals like in like er

kind of places where you show up every one of them has a half dozen stories of someone showing up and given like the oh we just i i slipped and fell ass first onto this egg shaped vibrator or whatever it is. That would be humiliating. I got sent a video and this girl got 13 mini basketballs out of her app.

13 mini basketballs? Yeah. That's my all-pack. How many? I wonder if it's on basketballs. That's my hall pass. How many? I want her. I wonder if it's on this phone. It's amazing. It takes a woman like that to deal with this sausage.

She just gets on all fours and it's like a pitching machine. I want to get lost in there. And taking fisting to a whole new level. Headache. No, that'd be headache. How old is this guy and how old is this girl? Usually it says that. Let me look.

Oh, did they? Where did you read this? It doesn't say. This is on a subreddit called True Off My Chest. True Off My... Oh, well, if there's true in it, then no one can lie. Yeah. My actual advice to him would be to get a new girl and my

reasoning is not because that's what i would do it's because he seems to be like me right yeah if he was like totally right he sounds like that yeah sounds like he's done with it right i think that even if he got together with her there would always be a scar that he couldn't get over you know like if you're questioning it this much now like it's it's never gonna go away right yeah that that's true and it seems like uh and my prediction is uh she will be back very shortly what do you mean by she's still with she'll be like apologetic and i'm so sorry yes yeah it's gonna it's gonna be very it's gonna turn very like manipulative like uh don't fall for it already there i think she's already in the like i didn't

i had no idea that this would cause a rift like it did sort of thing like she i thought that you'd be happy i fucked this other guy no she she knows but she did for the past two years you just finally like figured that's the thing i all that's always the first thought is always like it would be like my first thought would be like well tell me from the beginning yeah how this happened what do you mean and if it is if it is one lie then okay but if you tell me how it happened there might be like 15 lies here yeah how far back does it go that's the thing about cheating that gets me right like cursing is a mistake we can all make in the wrong environment. You know, the Lord knows I do it 20 times a day.

Like that's a slip. Cheating, oh my gosh. That's a series of intentional decisions that people make. That's 15, even if it was like a one night stand that started that night. Oh my goodness. Like first you talked her up. Then you got her number.

Then you made it to her house. Then you took her clothes off. Then you got her wet. Then you fucked her. Like there was a lot of opportunities to change your course. Hold on. Hold on. Let me write this down.

How did he get her wet though? Hell if I know. That's why we have lube. Turkey baster. Turkey baster. Yeah. Like it's true. It's like 15 lies there.

And it could go back a long time there could be like so many more involved there that i guess that's the biggest thing for me when i was saying it was just like you know like for me if like a girl said to me like oh i'm out tonight and i might uh sleep at this person i might just be like okay i too shall be granted my own little sleepover as well in the near future then you know that might just be my mentality you know like personally but like i feel like in this scenario you know what would make me really mad is like okay you fucked kurt hugo schneider why didn't you call me last night i don't care i had a clan match at 2 a.m with boys on the on the west

coast and i'm i'm stressing out i can't even perform to the greatest of my abilities because i'm trying to text you and call you i think you're dead well you had a clan match no i'm just saying if i were this guy a clan meeting you said yeah i had like a clan match let's say like 2 a.m like a glue clock clan match no like like uh like you know with like tendency to start fires, my ZOD clan. We're gambling. I'm making up a life. I'm sorry.

I'm saying if I'm that guy, I'm mad because I'm like, I had obligations or something going on late that night, and I couldn't focus on it because I was calling because I was worried about you. Why didn't you just tell me that you were, you know, getting dicked down by some hundred subs dude see by this point in the conversation she's four miles away in a cab and i'm downloading tinder again now if it was like okay and maybe like you gotta figure out how many subscribers the guy has because if it's like a hundred subs that's really disrespectful thousand they're really disrespectful you know it's like yeah dude if it's Kurt Hugo Schneider, 10 million,

you're like, hey, let me get a taste of that too. Dude, even if it's PewDiePie, it's like, come on. I know he's got 100 million, but come on. If it's 5.14 million, hypothetically, then it's cool. I'd be like, you know what? That's where you got to overpower the situation. You got to take control back. You can't just leave with the tail between your legs.

That's where you got to take control back. You got to be like, who is it? It's Kurt? You put the video on. You're like, yeah? And you pull on your pants and start beating off to his videos for her. I'm going to ruin both of us for you now. I'm going to ruin both of us for you now.

I'm going to ruin both of us. You tell a made-up story where you met up with him first. Yeah. I'm actually only giving bad advice here, but I am very concerned for this guy. Yeah, I'm concerned because you know what? This stuff is like a super, super huge deal. And this type of stuff used to be crippling to me when I was in my early 20s. It was like a crippling thing

like I'd literally be like you're going to that party Derek's gonna be there and he gave him a handjob in 1998 it's gonna happen again you're thinking about jerking him off I don't know hey Derek's still on

circumcised yeah yeah I don't really. Hey, Derek's still uncircumcised? Yeah. Yeah, I don't really care what happens to this guy. I think it's the line. It'll be fine. First of all, here, first good word of advice for him. If you have a problem, don't ask people on Reddit. Go talk to your family and friends.

Do not talk to the fucking weirdos on Reddit. Get Woody on the line. Best case scenario, he gets a bunch of Reddit answers. PKA picks it up. He's in solid hands now. Tweet at me.

No, tweet at Woody and he'll relay it to me. Wait, you just said you don't care. I would never read it. I hope he gets over it because that's really a genuinely bitchy thing for her to do. That's terrible. But don't give her any chance, man. Yeah, you know what? bitchy thing for her to do that's terrible but don't give yeah you know what it's it's it's like we all got caught up on the sex thing but like truth truthfully like fundamentally at the first

round of it is the lie yeah the lie yeah like my whole angle that i wasn't really because i'm still trying to process the entire thing my whole angle is like being open or whatever is still doesn't revolve around the lying aspect that's where it changes everything and it's like to it's scandalous to not pick up the phone that whole night and if she was so like well i thought you'd be happy then it's like why didn't you tell me that where you were staying yeah why wouldn't you text me and go it's happening with a picture of his hard dick it almost sounds like harley could exist in an open relationship just an honest open relationship like i i think uh to an extent at this point in life i feel like i've i've changed

a lot now my wife would be very different like here i i have no problem i would date a cam girl i would date a porn star i would date an escort as long as they're not working while I'm with them. I would date someone who had done that. Really? Even like an escort where it's like somebody's been ravaging this pussy? 4,000 people have been doing it. That 4,000 people. Yeah.

I would be like, my turn. My turn. Not me. You wouldn't even fit. if it's so loose. Sure, the entire lower basketball stadium already had their go. I hear that a lot. Like, oh, she'd be so loose. She'd sleep with all these guys.

But none of us have the dick the size of a baby. That's not how it works, right? Because wives fuck their husbands again and again and again. The pussy doesn't get loose. Why does the variety of penis matter? It's just what we say. It's just a joke, I think.

Or maybe it's not. I have no idea. A way to put women down. It's just not a thing that's ever bothered me. Well, maybe it did at the beginning. I'd be like, whoa, you had sex with that guy, and it's on the video right now. I would, you know.

I would never want to do an open relate can you see yourself getting married in the future it's not the open relationship so much as that like i'm just saying like i would be with someone who is like a slut or a hooker or whatever or a whore or a harlot or a you know woman of the woman of the night uh yeah going. Skank. I'm almost there. It wouldn't bother me if the girl that I married this is the sentence. It wouldn't bother me if the girl that I married had sex with like a thousand people. Oh, that would bother me.

As long as she's not carrying a thousand babies and a thousand diseases. I don't know if I could. No, I couldn't do that. I don't think you can roll the dice with a thousand people without picking up some permanent disease shit. Yeah, you're a professional and you just know how to do it. But that's what I was saying is like, that's the difference here.

Maybe not like this example with this kid where he was being lied to and everything, but like, yeah, like we're all a bit more old school. And I'm not saying the new school is thinking exactly like this, but like things are different, man. Things are like, like you got like kids in high school like like calling their boyfriend daddy and like licking each other's asses like it's like out of control it's like it's like things are different but are they better

no i don't think so but like everyone you could you're like you're like 12 and you're on Pornhub looking at the top trending videos. You know what I mean? That's going to poison some expectations. Yeah. No, it's going to set expectations for sex at excellence. Taylor, you're reading this all wrong, right? People say porn's not realistic sex. No.

Women say that because they don't want to have awesome sex. You find yourself a woman who wants to have next level sex. They're like, yeah, that's not what real sex is like. Well, it is with me, bitch. Saddle up. The swing is

in the gym. We're going to do it in my slippery ass shower where it's easy to fall and somehow water is an okay lube in this. We're going to do it in my slippery-ass shower where it's easy to fall and somehow water is an okay lube in this. We're going to do it at the library. You know what's common a lot now? What? Choke

me, slap me, and spit in my mouth. See, I wonder how much that's always been a little bit popular and it's just now coming around. It's like shit, can we just make love and kiss on the lips, you pig? been a little bit popular and it's just now coming around it's like so it's like shit can we just make love and kiss on the lips you pig no they just they just want to sue you afterwards well yeah you actually sound like my mom your mom says that that they just they're just that's why i'm like hey let's get a little

snapchat like yo i'm with this girl about to have consensual sex, right? Seriously, she wants me to spit on her. Is that what you said? No, that's from my private archives. Yeah, she said that. You said that? Say it on camera. Say my name. Say my name and your name and the date. Okay.

That's sexy. I have this fetish where you let me take a picture of your driver's sexy. I have this fetish where you let me take a picture of your driver's license. I actually, since being recently single, I went back on Tinder and I was out there and I'm swiping and stuff and I matched this girl and she was cute and stuff.

And then her social media, she just looked younger than what she did on the Tinder. And she was 19. I messaged her, I was like, waitinder and it was like you know she was like 19 i like messaged her i was like wait how old are you and she was like i'm 19 i'm like can you send me your like a picture of your passport or something she did and she was 19 but she was born in the year 2000 and i was like okay what am i doing i'm like i'm out of here i'm like no i'm like i was filling up bathtubs with water for y2k and i'm like this I'm out of here. I'm like, no. I'm like, I was filling up bathtubs with water for Y2K. I'm like, this isn't going to happen.

This is weird. I'm like, I'm weird. You would have no cultural similarities. Like, what would you talk about as your childhood? Harley, Kyle would be very disappointed in this line of thinking. Kyle would be, if he was here, 19 is plenty old enough. Yeah, yeah. But it is. But the year enough. Yeah, yeah. It is, but the year 2000

is... You want 1999. Did you know that Pete, that Kyle's in prison? That's why he's not on the show. Really? Yeah, the story that we told you about the minor YouTuber, it happened to him.

He took matters into his own hands. No, really. Allegedly, there was pot in mail, and he has two months to serve. You don't have to say allegedly anymore. He's in prison. The deed is being done. He's only got like three more weeks left. He'll be fine.

So it's like nothing major. No, he's in prison. We're having pity on later. Yeah, but you know, he gets to fulfill his fantasies with the dudes that... Anyways. He better be coming out jacked. Jacked asshole. I don't think it...

I think he's just going to consume a lot of media. That's what I'm told. Kitty will be here. We'll see what his workout schedule is. But I don't think that he's been hitting the gym super hard. Yeah, it'll be good to get Kitty's little update. Yeah, he would definitely have fucked that girl that I matched on Tinder 100%.

Yeah. Well, Kyle's known to be very moral. Oh, if it was him that that happened with that girl with the minor YouTuber, that's the last guy that you would ever, ever want to pull some shit like that on. That wouldn't have even would

even gone down like that there's no way i'm not getting what you're saying no i'm saying like which of the three is kyle in this his girl we're the one going to see the minor youtuber you know i'm like that he'd be like that'd be the worst guy to ever try and pull that shit with you know what i mean yeah you're fucking with Kyle right now. Yes. You disrespect Kyle, bitch. A badass Russian assassin. With another YouTuber? One with 18,000

subs? That's not even a YouTuber. A minor YouTuber, I think, is like 200,000, 250,000 subs. You could have ads on the videos and stuff, right? It's got to be like... A minor YouTuber, I think, is like, you know, it's 200,000, 50,000, 250,000 subs, you know? Yeah.

You could have ads on the videos and stuff, right? It's got to be like... You can have ads on the videos? He's touring. He's touring. Where is this from? Where is this? Send me the link for this. Okay.

Yeah, we're going to find out who he is. Watch me find out everything right now. I'm actually good at this. Remember I showed you guys the phone trick last time? Yeah. Yes. It's unsettling. You want to know some good moves?

Yeah. Lay them on me. This is not going to help. This is not going to help the jealous boyfriends out there. Definitely not. But you want some moves, guys? I got some moves for you. Because remember I told you that you can go look through the phone and you could see like significant locations. He would have been able to go and see her phone and her significant

locations there. Here's another move is make an Instagram account okay mm-hmm yeah Instagram account that you make this other one it only follows one person it's gotta be a private account this and I can go and check it out this Instagram account will follow one person who will follow your partner that you don't trust okay now by the way if you get on this path you're fucked up and you're wrong and you're not living your life the best you should break up and you should not be in something talk don't judge harley because he's clearly done this no slow down slow down the steps i've been on i've been on the receiving i've actually was on the receiving end of it all i've i've like dated

girls that like have put like GPS trackers on my phone without me knowing. So like, they'll like, like they'll have my passwords and it'll have like, find my friends, shared my location turned on. So I'm going places and they see on the map real time where I've been,

where I'm going. And you're like, my battery's just fucking draining here. What the hell? Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, location service is on. Keep everything on, you know? Like, I've just been down this path. I've

known some very crazy girls, especially, like, you know, when I was living in Los Angeles. I knew some crazy-ass bitches. So the, uh, you make an Instagram account, and you know, on the Instagram account, when you go to, like, uh, the feed, you click the heart at the bottom it says following

who you're following and it'll be like Furious Pete like what do you give the gamer tags photo you know Taylor started following Furious Pete stuff like that but on that side of the page if you follow 700 people it's going to give you like 40 updates in the last 24 hours. But that's not all the updates of everyone's activity. But if you follow one person on this account, then you'll be able to see every not private photo they like, who they follow, what they do in depth, because it's not splitting up the information amongst lots of people that you follow.

So it's like more of the information amongst lots of people that you follow. So it's more of like a magnifying glass on one specific person. I have another Instagram account that I think I only follow four people. If you follow a few people on it, that one, if you go, you're going to see that you're going to get more information about those four people, but you have to actively use the account. Otherwise, it'll keep it blank, but if you check in on it every day, then yeah, if you go look at it, you'll see that you're gonna get more information there just check this out also is if you want to watch your back

and if you click on your Instagram and you click on your little Instagram circle there in the bottom right and then you click on the top three lines at the top and you click settings and you click security you'll see this thing login activity. And if you did that on, let's say, your girlfriend's phone login activity, it'll show you the multiple devices that use Instagram, but where those devices signed in. So, like, let's say that, you know, there was a, let's say you just signed in.

If I went to Pete's house and I signed in on my Instagram, it'll say where I was when I signed in. It's kind of like another location giveaway within that. Now this is huge by the way. This is another huge spy tip.

If you open up your Google account, literally Google, and you go to Google timeline, my activity. Am I supposed to be doing this? No, no, just if you want to. I'll tell you. It'll do everything.

It'll show the app that you open, what you're typing in the app. It'll show what you search on YouTube. If you go to your Google account, your real Google. Oh, okay. Like the big boy Google.

And even if you have Gmail logged in on your phone, then it's all connected. You click on your account and you go to security, people and sharing. Yeah. Or no, no, no, it's data. Data and personalization, do that. Yeah.

And you're going to see activity and timeline. Click my activity. Yeah. And now you'll see that everything you've ever done on your phone if you have a google account on it is all there if your google account is on someone else's phone then they could see this too because it mixes your information together so if you both have a shared google account and you go and you like open up tinder on your phone that'll pop up on like the shared

ipad device if that is also a Google account so someone could go on that and they can go look at the activity timeline it's a lot of porn yeah I honestly I know you do because you logged into my iPad and I look at it all the time I'm kidding it's literally like you could like no no I use explorer for that it's way faster it's like but like so if you go to it and you I use Explorer for that. It's way faster. It's like... But like so if you go to it and you use Google, though, the website and you're logged into Explorer and you're logged into Google, it doesn't have to be Chrome and you have Google signed in on your phone, that could even mesh.

Like someone could like... Like if you have a shared iPad, be both of you at school, you can go there and you'll see both of your bookmarks, both of your activitymarks both of your activity both of your timeline your web activity um and also once again just like with the locations this has location also this is fantastic this is great i can't wait to track my dog yo you better put that on are you yeah he that see what you do. It's a dude, guys. It's a dude, okay? I got pissed.

Yeah, Facebook also, another big thing is like, it's like their secret conversations. What I've noticed is I've looked at it as all these apps, everything are designed to like, like why would Facebook have secret messages? You could choose anyone on your list on Facebook and send a secret message.

It'll disappear in an hour or three hours or 24 hours. However you have it set. Like it's a funny function just made for someone that maybe wants like you're like a 50 year old man and you want to hide messages you've sent to someone from your wife. You know what I mean? Like having these automatically deleted messages that can never be seen. The way I see it, I'm always like, I think the times are gonna be different because it's just so easy.

Like everyone knows about crazy sex, like licking button, calling him daddy, like at such a young age. And then you go on Instagram and everyone wants to show like they're like their ass and their pussy on instagram and then it's like you have pornhub and it's like fuck even your brother fuck your brother also you know it's like you go through all these things and it's like just imagine growing up in that time yeah i'm i wouldn't be surprised if the times are just

different so it'll be interesting to see how these kids turn out yeah well like damages them or if they're just weird yeah it's like who knows a lot of these a lot of these incel like you know the incel thing now where there's like these communities of guys who just can't get laid i bet a lot of those guys are like addicted to porn and just beat off constantly and every time they get horny instead of being like i'm gonna go socialize and meet women and do this or work out and like try and be funnier it's just I'm going to look at porn and beat off and then be angry at women because they won't fuck me they won't come to

me and fuck me that kind of shit who knows who knows why that phenomenon is happening maybe they've always been a thing oh go ahead sorry I actually thought there was more to break but a subscriber wrote to me asked for advice I replied then he asked for more. Interesting topic?

Let's do it. What was the advice? Yeah. Okay. Hey, Woody, I'm not even sure if you'll read or respond. Hold on a minute. Hey, Woody. I'm not even sure if you'll read or respond to this.

I know you no longer do Mail Monday, et cetera. Back in high school, I was never really a popular guy. I hung out with this really weird and awkward group of people. I never really thought about it until my senior year, realizing how precious time and opportunities I wasted. Never getting a girlfriend, getting shitty marks, not many close, etc. Not many close friends. I hated myself and I still do a bit now. After high school, I took a year off to improve my marks and I recently got into a university I really like, but I'm not going to be able to live on campus the first year.

I'm afraid I won't be able to take advantage of it in my new life reset. I haven't had a girlfriend since starting high school. I'm a virgin. I don't particularly have great social skills. I just want to be someone who has a good amount of friends, nice girlfriend, marks, social life. I want a good life in university

and off campus doesn't make this any easier. So here's what I replied. Congrats on your reset! Three exclamation points. I'm a fucking boomer. That's pretty boomer. I'm loving it. I've needed a few resets as well. You're right. Living off campus probably doesn't lend

itself to your goals. You won't naturally be in the mix of things like you want to be. But that's okay. We can work with this. There are other ways to achieve them, and the new you won't be denied. Intramural sports are a blast. You don't need to be good. Those guys are in intramural. There are other clubs and study groups too. If you're living off campus, things won't just fall into your lap like they might otherwise. So now it's on to you to make it happen. Go do it. You only need to be brave for a second. The rest takes care of itself. Sign up.

Show up. Say hello to someone. Just do it. That was my reply, and that's where my help stopped. He replied back. Thanks so much for the reply. I really do appreciate it.

An exclamation point of his own. I was already considering signing up for intramural sports. This is just the confirmation that I'll need to make me do it. I really have two other questions. What are some ways I can approach some girls in my classes? Not looking for sex, although I'd be down.

But he wants a genuine loving relationship. Most of my classes are lectures, so just about everyone changes seats every day, including myself. I can't really talk to any girls in the class. The professor's pretty strict when it comes to talking in class, and I'm shy as fuck. Lastly, my university has a pretty big bar and grill thingy. I thought about going over there, but I'm afraid it'll seem weird being at the bar

alone, and my shyness takes over. Any thoughts? So I thought, like, last girl I picked up, I was 19 years old. I was gonna bring this to the quorum. How's this guy get dudes? He lives off campus. He's shy. He's all by himself in their giant lectures.

Did I say how he gets dudes? I meant how he gets girls. I was like, did I miss the whole point? Did I miss the whole thing that he's gay? I was going to be like, if you're looking for dudes, dudes are I assume very easy to fuck. I don't know how I said that. Maybe I 40 and slip.

He lives off campus. He could throw an off-campus party like those are fun oh wait he's a first year guy he's a first year guy he's naturally he also was saying uh he was saying marks which makes me think he's like from across the pond maybe and i don't know how university too which made me think it like americans call it college yeah or maybe do you guys if you got bad grades would you guys say oh my marks are terrible i would say marks i would say grades and marks i think they were interchangeable okay well maybe he's a canadian fella yeah it's hard to... The question was, how do I get girls? And there's a bar and grill that's popular,

but do I just show up by myself, or is that creepy? No, it's not creepy. I think this guy's got that mentality. You get yourself some tequila. You just drink by yourself. That might be a nice idea. Maybe he'll be the version of himself that gets girls with just two drinks.

Maybe have a couple drinks. Loosen yourself up. And just know that as you're going around the bar looking for conversation or something, don't change it from girls to dudes. Don't start taping on guys. But also know that nobody is paying as much

attention to you or what you're doing as you think they are everybody's doing their own shit don't think that you're the focal point everybody's like well get a load of this guy he doesn't even have people like when next time you're at a bar and you see a guy walk by alone did you think about where he's going or what he's doing no you don't give a fuck or at least I never think about that

girl didn't put enough bronzer on just go up to a girl try and start a conversation if it sucks ass and truly uncomfortable then dip fuck it like the first thing you got to get used to is rejection it's going to be a numbers game or you dip into her oh yeah or you did just think of it like a shotgun approach like you're kicking in the door barging into the bar and grill with a shotgun or you can just find some or or you just take your dick out right away you know ask if anyone's interested that's one thing that's nice about college like the dipping and moving on because like in high school at least the i went to a decently sized high school there were 1200 kids but even at that size like if you

poison the well fuck you have to live in that well till you graduate yeah in college there's 10 000 15 000 kids there next semester you'll have all different people like it's it'll be a whole new school every term so if you make a move that doesn't i stayed with the same engineers dude well you're ruining my they're all dudes but but there's definitely some truth to it anyway if you go to a big school you don't really have to worry about like ah what am i a second choice he liked marsha last semester now he's hitting on me don't worry about it you'll get all new kids next time yeah it's just a reject it's a numbers game and you got to learn to deal with rejection and after the first couple times you're not going to care because you're going to realize,

oh, oh, this doesn't matter. I'm fine. If anything, it's going to help you build confidence because you're going to go into the engagement not dreading getting rejected, but instead going

with the worst you can do. It depends how often the rejection happens. I mean, if it's one out of every, if he gets, if 5% of the time he's hitting success, that's what? One weekend of really giving a go, friend.

That's not very bad. If I were a girl. 19 out of 20. Trying to help him. If I were a girl in this day and age, I would not be good. It's not great, but you're also jacked and pretty cute. Who are you talking about here? You.

Yeah, I've actually had a conversation with a girl who pete to me and i was like what she was just like i was like she's like yeah but pete's like pete's special he's not a nerd like us and i was like what are you talking about i swear he has a real conversation he's not a nerd like us he's actually my boyfriend sleeping with and i was just like uh maybe even the conversation was like yeah did you fuck this guy would you fuck pete maybe i think i got the peach she was like oh that'd be a dream and i'm like what do you mean he has food on youtube also he's talking about she was actually oh that's gotta be even the worst feeling is like you mean of all the guys who eat food on youtube i'm not even number one no she was like she was literally like, no, she's like Pete.

Pete especially is like, you know, he's like, cool. We're like nerds. And I was like, what the fuck? Was she hot? I was like, how the fuck? She was very hot. And she thinks she's a nerd? She was a nerdy YouTuber.

A very hot nerdy YouTuber is still a very hot YouTuber. Yes. No, I know. But she was just like, yeah, we're nerds. She was like, Pete's cool. Something like that. And I was just like, what the hell? I thought at least on Pete's level, we just had sex.

I'm less than Pete right now. Wait, I came up first for the sex? Yeah, yeah. It was maybe like wine and bed. You might have come up during the sex. You just didn't mention it. I should have been like, hey, you want me to get Pete in here for a minute? I like watching.

I like watching. If I were a girl in this day and age, honestly like 90%, if a guy came up to me to pick me up, I would reject him first. Of course. Because in this day and age every single guy will show their true colors right there yeah and like so many guys are like hey you want to do this and it's like no sorry i'm not interested it's like you ugly stupid bitch you think i actually wanted you you fat idiot so what's the perfect response

that that that pretty much reminds me of downtown Toronto right now. It's literally downtown Toronto. So downtown Toronto, every guy is so angry out there. I hate being out on the street. The best way to do it is when you're rejected, what is your point of the best response? You want to play coy. You give them a little wink and you go, I'll see you tonight.

And then you just walk away. And now you're a man of mystery. You won't be able to sleep. Or you say, oh, so you don't want to go out now, but later on it's fine, right? Or like, yeah, you're just like, maybe that's not the line. I don't know if my response is any good or not, but it usually takes a couple of no's to knock me off my game. You know?

If I make my move and she's like, nah, you know, I'm just here. How about now? I might be like,, nah, I'm just here to progress. I might be like, I fit in with girls. It'll be fun. At least two no's. Never let someone's resistance stop you from getting what you want. It's a little rapey.

I know what you're saying because I'm old school also where it's like show up outside our house with a boombox above your head playing her favorite song it's like that's kind of fucked up but like you grow up with like uh you know you got to be persistent you got to pass the test sometime there's tests and it's like how many times has a girl like well you just i said no but i would have you just didn't care enough or whatever but then you mix that with like you know this day and age and everything and it's like a lot of mixed confused signals that like once upon a time for girls like no i don't

know i'd be like you know if i got like i don't know back in the day i'd be like come on fast eddie i'm fast eddie you know what i mean it would be like i'm trying it's like there's there's an oh like it's it's a no but it's not a certain no nowadays someone's like no and i'd like it has been stated she has said no i am acknowledging she has said no on today's date i am now leaving the uber is being called if you cross reference the time from the uber i am not with this person anymore i have taken no as an answer and and also even that by the way that might even be like offensive to someone i'm like joking about like being like overly concerned about the no aspect but like for me like yeah it's you know it's it's a different place like

in regards to you know what no means and what persistency being persistent means and like how much effort you should put in or stuff like that. I'm just like, if I were a girl, I would just say no right off the bat because I feel like you'll get true colors. Why even think it's the other way around? Wait, wait, wait. Those two things don't jive to me because on one hand, you're like, if I hear a no, I'm

instantly out. On the other hand, as a girl, I toss no's out there all the time. Me? Would never be able to fuck me. Me as Harley as the guy would never fuck Harley as the girl because Harley as the girl would be like, nope. Harley as the guy would be like, okay, goodbye.

You'd be fucking ugly as shit too. Yeah, but I have the sweetest little pussy, Taylor. Can confirm. Hairiest fuck. Just a fucking hairiest snatch. You're just like, where the fuck is it? I'm kidding. Just a little

bean hidden in the forest. Dude, we'd all be terrible women. A bean in the forest? Actually, I don't know. I'd probably fuck female Pete. I bet he'd be cute. Yeah, Pete's cool. He's not a nerd like us. No, we're nerds. We're Pete. I bet he'd be cute. Yeah, Pete's cool. He's not a nerd like us. No, we're nerds. We're lame.

I can't drink 10 beers in 10 minutes without throwing up. You know how it's like you could find out in two months, you'd be like, oh, this person's terrible. I wish I knew. If you were a girl, there's so many ways you could find out so quickly. Like a man's resolve or what type of guy he is. You know what I mean? Like I've looked at my friend's tinders and stuff. Guys fuck up

so quickly and so fast or like the first sign of not getting what they want or whatever. And you know how many people it seems like they must be swiping on tinder like literally dick out like erect and like horny like on tinder. Like I swear like Is there any other way?

He's not even looking at porn. He's just masturbating to Tinder profile pictures. Well, that's not how you guys do it. That's how I swipe. Everybody gets a swipe back. You realize I'm swiping right with my cock right now. Oh, that's a big move. It's an alpha move.

Stop it. Yeah. You're right about the fucking up. guys will fuck up super quick with that with the Tinder thing I have so many friends we talked about predicting the future of people that's an interesting thing for young women to like

figure out right like I don't know you're a 22 year old girl or something and you're you're looking at all these guys trying to figure out what your future life looks like. They're all diamonds in the rough, mostly. And then, I don't know, it's just tricky. That's all. Yeah, because, like,

yeah, most guys are retards at that age. I'm a retard at this age. That's all I'm saying once. Oh, go ahead. No, you. My wife thought she was so... She found out what my major was, and when it was accounting, she thought that, Oh, go ahead. No, you. My wife thought she was, she found out what my major was. And when it was accounting, she thought that that like, oh, you know, like there'll be a nice life for me in my future

if this worked out. Wait, I thought you said you did engineering. I've got three majors. I thought you played Call of Duty. Yeah. My undergrads were in accounting and MIS and then my master's was in engineering with a focus in comp sci.

So I got thrown off but yeah anyway so my wife thought she was like clever and dating an accounting major little it was an accounting major with terrible grades it was really a bad risk so but like yeah if you're like trying to sort of figure out i don't know it's just an interesting game to me that young people do you're i'm projecting what old looks like, what life looks like with them, how they evolve. And it's tricky finding the right one. Yeah. So long story short, guy, get out there, get some strange. Don't be afraid of rejection.

And when you get your dick wet, send Woody another message and tell us all about it. Send us a picture of that wet dick. Send us a picture. Don't send us a picture of that wet dick. Send us a picture. Don't send us a picture of her. That's inappropriate. Send us a picture of your wet dick as proof. Wet dick inside the pussy. And when he says us, he means me. D.O.B. buddy.

As with all things, send it to Woody and he'll disseminate it as needed. That would be funny though. Put that hashtag on Woody When we were doing Blue Chew And I told our listeners to send pics of their hard dick Did anybody do it? No But what did actually happen is

Back when Heather was our agent And she was like organizing ads and stuff like that We told everyone to send her dick pics And that happened Did she say I don't care for this? Oh Heather's a good sport in that way ads and stuff like that. We told everyone to send her dick pics and that happened. Did she say, I don't care for this? Heather's a good sport in that way. Oh, she loved it.

I did this with my dad. My dad made a Snapchat and I said it and I was shocked about how many people send their dick to my dad. I'm sorry. I totally thought you were serious, though. Did you see

the one with the freckle about two-thirds in? Yes. Mine's really easy to figure out. Right. Not if you do the top-down angle, though. You can still figure it out.

It's got that hydrod for mine has a mine has my name tattooed yeah there's like a little bottle of furious cuts in the background yeah there's also a ruler uh a tattoo of a ruler no it's showing it's showing you like a bottle of furious cuts next to it it's like a size reference but the bottle furious cuts is a mini version version That's why I have a ton of Little bananas in my house Why do you only buy plantains Harley It's part of the plan I take like an iPhone

A big iPhone Like an iPhone XL whatever And then you're just like oh yeah this is an iPad By the way That's a good move I also have enormous hands and then you're just like, oh yeah, this is an iPad, by the way. That's a good move. I also have enormous hands. And then we tie in.

You wouldn't show the hands. You would just show the dick at that phone. Do you guys want to watch this video together? I'll watch one more video and then I got to run, unfortunately. Okay. Let me know when you're set up, like you got it viewable and all that fun stuff Yeah

Let me see There it is Twitter one? Yes Mike Scott on behalf of Eagles fans In Philadelphia we don't condone this bullshit You know exactly why this happened It wasn't because of your jersey

Alright let me set It wasn't until you read it that I realized he was talking about racism in some way, I think. We'll see. Alright, so we're going to watch this video together? Yeah. 3, 2, 1, play.

Get out of here. No, Mike. No, Mike. So the big black guy is the new power forward For the 76ers I don't think they know this Oh All right.

So here's what you just saw. So who's attacking him? Are these Eagles fans? Let me explain. There's a big black guy. His name is Mike Scott. People don't know him in town yet because he just got traded to the Philadelphia 76ers, which is their NBA team.

I think he's a power forward. And he's from Virginia, like he grew up there. So he's a Redskins fan. And he wore his Redskins jersey tailgating at a philadelphia eagles game so all the fans somehow thought oh look at this fucking six foot seven jacked dude i'm gonna have a go at him and uh and then he defended himself and this is what it's like to wear the opposing team's jersey in philadelphia and was there a coffin at the start yeah what the fuck is up with that i i'm not exactly sure what the call i was so concerned about the coffin i was excited on the coffin for a minute i was like somebody died

and like they're just i feel like this is something i should know i used to live in philly and my mind is a little warped, right? Like I've told the story a dozen times. I go to a Hurricanes game. This is in Raleigh. People wear the opposing team's jersey, and I'm like, no one's hitting them. Like that's safe to do here? It was weird to me.

It's just trashy to attack opposing fans. Taylor, words hurt, all right? Yeah, so I found this guy, and I thought it was a pretty extreme. So they're beating up this guy because he's wearing the other team's jersey, but he also is one of their own team's players. I think they don't know that yet. It's like two levels of retardation. Yeah, well, he got traded in the offseason, so he'll become like a more known face after games start.

He better wear that Redskins jersey to practice. You remember this, bitches? Dude, that is a low IQ maneuver to attack a guy and be like, you know, I'm a basketball player. I just traded for a guy. Andrew at a funeral. A tailgating funeral. I was like, why are these people wearing football jerseys at a funeral?

I'm like, what's happening? He's so Canadian. Maybe they like if fans are these people wearing football jerseys at a funeral? I'm like, what's happening? He's so Canadian. Maybe if fans are wearing the opposing jersey, they take the jerseys and stuff it in there or something. Yeah, maybe something like that. I would see the symbolism there. I was mostly right. He's 6'8", not 6'7".

It is Mike Scott. He is from Virginia. And he's 237 pounds of pure muscle, and he's a power forward. Only 237? Well, yeah. That sounds wrong. That's pretty... That sounds about right.

If you look at him, he's like... He's a skinny guy. He's like a lean dude. He's really lean. He's not like Furious Pete here. I'm on... I got to do more steroids, dude. We're not talking about Furious Mike Scott, you know?

This is like regular Mike Scott. He can't drink 10 beers in 10 minutes bitch he probably can't yeah well they're i don't get that i want to get the story behind the coffin that's the my biggest concern yeah i want to know that looks expensive that coffee i want to see that is there comments on twitter talking about this comment? What are the comments about? That's the crux of this, is the coffin. I'm being serious. What the fuck's going on? Oh, he had beer and food

thrown in his face. Oh, there we go. Why is there a coffin? That group puts one there every week with memorabilia of whoever the opponent is on that particular week. Oh, okay. Dumb as shit. Interesting.

We got pretty much all Kitty joining us. Hey, Kitty. Hey, how are you doing? It's my Kitty. Good, Kitty. Good. It's my kitty. I can't tell if you're a little quiet.

There we go. I can see everyone now. Nice. Hello. I can't see you, but I'll just imagine. Hey, Harley. Yeah, no, I don't have a camera. Honestly, don't even know where one is. I'm sure there's one around here. That's okay.

I mean, I'm cute enough for the viewers. I suppose I'm cute to your liking. But that's okay. So I, before we jump into anything else, given we have a little space here, we're going to hear from our friends over at SmartMouth. Everybody hates talking to someone with bad breath. That humid, awful smell keeps you from focusing on anything

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That guy we were just talking to who has trouble getting laid. Get yourself some Smart Mouth, and then you won't have shit left. That might be the reason, you know? Sometimes we're thinking about all the reasons that we're not thinking of. The more like, yeah, the whole breath. Maybe you smell like BO all the reasons that, you know, we're not thinking of are like the more like, yeah, the whole breath. Maybe you, uh, you're,

you, you smell like BO all the time. Like, you know, you can smell like bad breath. You smell like BO or there is the distinct possibility. You're just an ugly person. Yeah.

You could be in, you could be, uh, the hutch bag. Yeah. You could just, you could just be shit. It's like,

how many warts do you have on your face? it's an awful nose it's not what you look like on the outside but when i was in like fifth grade i had a librarian with a fat ass nose wart played into every stereotype i thought she was a witch for a while because i was an age where i didn't know witches didn't exist yet and then you fucked her and then i and then i fucked her i was like hey hey miss stevenson you want to suck this third grade cock and she was like taylor no no you can't read captain underpants you fucked her 10 years later oh you want to suck this 13 year old dick yeah no that'd be like at that point i don't know i don't know how old is what i guess you're not three in third grade i'm a fucking idiot yeah i have to come back to this and i'm on a list now

with the fbi yeah quit fucking the librarians me yeah they would never fuck me never in a million years that's why that's why you're in shit because they said no and you said yes i would never say yes if they said no i'd be like it shall be known i've accepted no i've accepted rejection the snapchat the video confirms on this day Check the license. Harley, when are we starting a podcast? I don't know. Let's ask Chiz.

Ask Chiz to help us. Woody, help us. Me? Yeah, you overestimate my skill set. All the time. We were just like, we were ambitious and we wanted to start it

but it was like, we need somebody to oversee the operation. Yeah, look at you. You already got a whole podcast. What the fuck are you doing, man? Why don't you have one? Is that where you stream from? Who? I don't stream. Yeah, you play Fortnite on Twitch sometimes. Sometimes.

You look like you have the setup already there, so it feels to me like you're just running out of excuses. I finished off the office not too long ago, but yeah. You just need some paint or posters and you're good to go. He likes to drink beer there, that's it.

And masturbate. That's it. And masturbate. That's a pretty nice setup for a beer drinking and wanking room. That's a jerk-off beer room. And what's great is that I got a glass table and I can watch myself jerking off from the top.

I got protection. I got protection in case I go... A splash, a sneeze guard. It's like a sneeze guard from the bottom. I like protection. I got protection in case I go a sneeze guard. It's like a sneeze guard from the bottom. I like it. Well, you also don't want to sneeze on your dick, right? So that'd be awful if that came up. Oh, man, dude. He's like, yeah, just put up some posters.

I'm looking at Taylor's room, just like the one poster behind him. That's pretty tragic. Look at that one poster chilling. What even is it? It's a St. Look at that one poster chilling. What even is it? It's a St. Louis Blues something. Is it just a printout? Did he just print out from the office printer

the 2019 champions? Let me call it good. Well, regardless, your wank room looks like it's set up to also produce a podcast from. Yeah. I mean, I think our concern was like one timing figuring it out to become consistent enough and then i think like getting to each other was also like a pain in the ass at one point and then obviously somebody overseeing like broad yeah i'm gonna come to your place do you have that do you have it set up now you want you want to go to his place in that room?

I don't want to go to his place. Where he does those activities. That I don't mind. I want to see the table, but I don't want to go there. The act of going is difficult, but once you're there, it's okay. Kitty, what's new in your life? Not much. My life's pretty boring i'm just kind of in the sweatshop producing stuff um is this etsy i may be doing

let's see i'm building the website but i'm lazy so it is done you got cut off there. Say that again. What's done? Oh, I said, but only half of it is built because I'm lazy. Okay, Kitty, Fierce Pete, let's do this. In Discord, click on the gear.

I got a boogie anyways. Oh, and on that gear, voice and video, where it says... Pete, you got to say your stuff though. You got to drag me. Automatically determine input sensitivity. What do I got to say?

Turn that off the slider below that take it full left I got the redirect like years ago buddy is this better? so far yeah say the words pussy

juice hairy bleached butt apple pie alright yeah so I'm building the website but I'm lazy so it's taking longer than it would anyone else have you tried Squarespace

I think that's what I'm using like it's really easy I have zero excuses beyond procrastination and when you're I think that's what I'm using. It's really easy. I have zero excuses beyond procrastination. When you're sat at a computer, there's always other stuff to look up. That's true.

Easy distractions. Build it offline. I didn't hear what he said. Sorry, I said build it offline. I don't know if you can do that. I don't think you can said. Oh, sorry. I said build it offline. Oh, I don't know if you can do that. I don't think you can. Of course you can. You could build it offline, but it depends on the software, I guess.

I mean, it depends on what you're doing. If you're doing coding, you can obviously build it offline. I'm not coding. No, what are you doing? I'm dragging and dropping and typing things. I assume she's using Squarespace or something like it. Yeah, absolutely I am. I know nothing of web building. Squarespace or Shopify?

That's the one. Shopify. Shopify is easy as fuck. Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm using it. Yeah, you get like themes and then you can just put the pictures in and you're done. Yeah. Yeah.

like themes and then you can just put the pictures in and you're done. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it appears Pete has very little sympathy for your situation, Kitty, it appears. That's only because I manage like five different sites and it's always like, ah.

But to be honest, I procrastinate all the time because I never want to, I'm always like, yeah, I don't want to do this because it's time consuming and so boring. I'd rather look at this video instead and then masturbate and then yeah yeah everything revolves around masturbating apparently so that's pretty tragic have you thought about dating it's pretty judgy kitty yeah it's pretty I'm being judgy yeah what's wrong with masturbating? Huh? Good for you, apparently. Apparently it is, yeah.

But then in a few weeks, I might be going to play with some tanks. I'm not sure yet, but we'll see. Hmm. All right. I got a boogie because I got dead. Got to finish and edit. So I will kind of sign off. All right.

Hey, Eddie. I love you, man. Where can our fans find you? I better see you soon, man. Harley. Yeah, we live in the same city. Let's do it. It's getting kind of ridiculous.

Let's do it. Come out. I just got a new place, by the way. Oh, I was saying, where? To Young and Eglinton. Oh, okay. I say the words, but it doesn't mean anything to me either oh i i know where that is do you now yeah there used to be a filthy mcnasty's there yeah so that's all i know

you're gonna come get filthy mcnasty with me yes cool take the glass table they're just glass it's heavy as fuck it's so heavy it's ridiculous clean your mess on it alright thanks for having me guys thanks for coming on man our pleasure Pete thanks for covering me for an hour yeah yeah

one of the Canadians has a shit alright we'll catch you guys later until next time see ya One of the Canadians has a shoe. Yeah. All right. We'll catch you guys later. And until next time. All righty. See ya. That's just like for this video.

It's like we promised there will be one Canadian food YouTuber throughout this. At least one at any given time. The tagline. Yeah. The food boys are here. Well, one of them at least at any given time. Do people want a Kyle update? Because I get pestered all the time. I do.

I was waiting for Taylor to return. Okay. When he gets here. Oh, yeah. We probably should before doing that. Yeah. Because I would love that. How does everyone get Borderlands 3?

And I didn't have Borderlands 3. Do you have Borderlands 3? Did you get Borderlands 3? I think't have Borderlands 3? It just came out. Like today. Borderlands 3 came out last night? My stream said it came out today at 7 Eastern. Okay, maybe that would be right. It's the stream. I mean, who knows?

Oh, on PC it came out. Okay, Taylor's turn. I'm so curious. Honestly, the Kyle update is pretty boring. He's fine. He said because beside a guard

described it as easy mode summer camp. Wait, he described it as easy mode summer camp? Ah! That is so fucking gangster. Wait, he described it as easy mode summer camp? That is so fucking gangster. With the counselor or guard right beside him. Easy mode summer camp?

You cut up when you said it. So Kyle said it was easy mode summer camp and a guard got upset. Is that what I'm missing? No, a counselor was with him because it was like his first week. That's what he described it as. Who was with who? There was like a guard with

him and he called it easy mode summer camp like with counselors and there's like a guard there like with him while he's referring to it as summer camp. He's calling him a counselor, a cab counselor. Oh, okay. It's actually really funny.

It's actually like really fucking big dick energy. Well, I'm sure, like, why would that... Yeah, I'm in prison. It's very easy mode summer camp. That guard probably doesn't give a shit. He's probably like, hell yeah, it is. I can either do that or, like, get thrown cocktails of feces and cum at me

at the maximum security prison. Like, this job rules. Yeah. It's a pretty... thrown cocktails of feces and cum at me at the maximum security prison. This job rules. It's a pretty... It's minimum security, so I don't even think there's fences at the unit that he's in. We were talking about this. We said it's the honor system. Yeah.

They're in a dorm. There's not very many guards. But yeah, he gets up at half past five in the morning, surprisingly. Why do they have to do that? They have to be up at that time. At 545? I think.

No, past five. So 530. Why do you have to? Because you got to start your daily camp counselor activities. You got dodgeball. You got song and dance. What time do you go to bed your daily camp counselor activities. You got dodgeball. You got song and dance. What time do you go to bed? He does nothing.

He eats, then walks a few miles, or he says three miles, so probably 60 feet a day. And then comes in when it gets hot. Back in the dorm. People. Oh, you. Comes in people. I fucking hate you sometimes, Harvey.

It's been a while. It's been a while. I just want to smack him. Didn't now. I saw rumors posted on someone tweeted it at me and on our subreddit so you know it's true. Did Kyle get caught masturbating?

Now, that came from Chiz, and I, obviously, Chiz knows more about Kyle's wanking habits, so who knows? Wait, wait, hold on. Sorry to catch me up. Who caught him masturbating? Are you not allowed to masturbate? I'd assume it's frowned upon. I'd assume just getting caught in general is a little embarrassing

yeah yeah for sure it's not against the rules but I feel I don't know that's interesting okay does he have a roommate I think it's a dorm so it's a big room like what is it like boot camp style

yeah pretty much so they're all in a bunch of... So there isn't any private wanking space. Where did he get caught masturbating? I guess you don't know. Probably into a happy sock, I imagine. I don't know. Well, I meant like the room.

Did he go to a bathroom stall, or was he really just... You'll have to ask Chiz. No, he did it in his bed. He jerked off in his own belly button and ate it out with a spoon. Yeah, I picture... You know how it works.

I picture like 28 beds in a large room with a high ceiling, and he was just moving very little in hopes of not being noticed. Oh, you're thinking of an orphanage, not a dorm. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking of like an orphanage. It's like a big room. The nun's walking up and down, and everyone has their little white beds.

And you just hear like, re-re-re-re-re. What's it sound like when you masturbate? That was a squeaky bed. That's what that was. No, you didn't catch that? No, I knew. What's it sound like when you masturbate? That was a squeaky bed. That's what that was. No, you didn't catch that? No, I knew. I knew that.

I was going to say lube, Harley. Lube is your friend. Well, it's good that Kyle isn't getting molested or anything. A clear lube sound. It wasn't from Taylor or Harley. How did you do that? No, that was me. That wasn't me. That was Harley. Oh, that is Harley. It's just now.

Oh, I couldn't see. I'm like, where's Kitty? I should have left that on Kitty longer. I'm like, yeah, how'd you do that, Kitty? What is that you're doing there? We got you. Everyone's like, Kitty, go on PKA. Kitty, yeah, it'll be great. It'll be fun.

Yeah, it's just talk about wanking thanks i mean that's that's a tentpole time i like what you did nice all right all right so he all right uh media consumption is he listening to audiobooks watching tv i always tell people the same thing about the three TVs and some device. What do you know? Yeah, there's like four TVs, I think. So he's watching a lot of shitty TV probably. And he's reading a lot. I laughed when I asked him what books he wanted Harry Potter.

So I said a lot. And then sent him all the Harry Potter books and then last week when I spoke to him he said he'd run out of books he'd read, Chiz had sent him like Howard Stern's book are these audio books or is he reading with words

audio books are loud audio books are loud no audio books are loud he's got to actually read you know Woody where people have a book and it's paper allowed. You have to use the word. No audiobooks allowed. He's got to actually read. You know, Woody, where people have a book and it's paper? Yeah, he's got to read like a bitch.

You remember back when you were a child, right? Back when my eyes worked fully. Yeah, I remember. It was calligraphy when Woody was a child. The stone tablets must be so heavy. Or hieroglyphics, whatever the word. Whatever. You got my point. Yeah, I know. I think both of those work, I feel like.

I don't know. He asked for some more books, so I put it to the Reddit and let the subreddit decide what three books he got next. Did they decide yet? Number one, Communist Manifest. Well, most of them wouldn't have got

past prison security. So Dark Tower, which isn't one of Stephen King's greatest, but because I'm not a fan of it, Kyle will probably like it. Three Body Problem or something. Ha ha, yeah! That's the only series he needs. It's not going to get really far after that. You know what I mean? That one's something. That's the only series he needs. He's not going to get really far after that. You know what I mean?

That one's something. He's only got three weeks left, right? A lot of hours in a day. Yeah. 22-63. The Stephen King thing about the assassination of Kennedy. I haven't heard of that one.

That might be interesting. Yeah. But yeah, he's doing fine. I don't think he's a fan of the food. He seems to have dropped a load of weight. Really? He's probably psyched about that. So he can go right back to bad sleep schedule and bad diet as soon as he gets

home. He's going to look good and feel good for a week. I got so annoyed because the official email that we use for all business he had used that for postmates and doordash so every morning i'd log in and there'd be like 50 posts like some nights he'd be ordering like four times a night and i'm like this email is useless now it's just like door dash and postmates spam that's me that's my life also that's literally the exact same thing is it's like my mom like so like i know because like you know like she'll do like my counting and stuff like my bookkeeping she'll be like i know

that you used uber eats at after midnight it's now 7.m., so I know it was used at one point for sure, and that's okay, but then it was used three more times. So what were you doing last night that you just had to skip the dishes and Uber Eats coming to the house over and over again? And I Uber Eats like coffee. I'll Uber Eats like a bottle of water. Yeah, that's what he was doing. Yeah.

Bottle of water? That can't be true. That's an exaggeration, right? It's absolutely not. We're not so different, Kyle and I. That is beyond I should be in jail. We'll do like a coffee and I have like coffee pods, like a Keurig machine here to like make the quick coffee things.

Yeah. He did that one night. He was up all night stream or playing games with, I guess. And he got coffee. And he ordered Starbucks. That's my man. My man.

Like you have a Keurig. Right. Yeah. Cause he doesn't want to stand up. I got to go over to, I got to go over to his house again, man. Like you have a Craig. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Because he doesn't want to stand up. I got to go over to his house again, man. Get some late night coffees, play some geometry wars. Geometry wars. That's a blast from the past.

Yeah. I remember because I went through his house and he had like the craziest geometry wars score ever. Oh, yeah. When he paid that guy to do it for him and everybody got mad. Exactly, that's what he told me. He told me that story and I was like, bro, are you the god? He was like, yep, for like 10 minutes.

And he was like, no, I paid someone to do it. I was like, what? Yeah, I paid someone to do it. I'm glad Kyle's doing well. Did you guys while I was making tea? By the way, I'm a tea guy now. Bought an electric kettle, I'm drinking lots of teas. What kind of tea?

This is herbal peppermint tea. By the way, I'm a tea guy now. Bought an electric kettle. I'm drinking lots of teas. What kind of tea? I didn't realize you were gay. What kind of tea do you like? This is herbal peppermint tea. Oh, I like that. Yeah, that's gay tea. That's awful tea. I'm drinking Earl Grey with milk and sugar because that's a real tea unlike your hippie shit. Well, Earl Grey tea. Well, the caffeine will keep me up too late.

That's very Captain Picard. So you're a pussy. You're drinking pussy. I was hoping to get an alliance with the resident Brit in the room on the tea thing, but I guess not. Yeah, instead you got a real fucking... You know how you'll get into something a little bit and then you'll look for a Reddit form about it

and they just are so autistically into it, it almost ruins it for you? I went to r slash t and I was like, I wonder if they got cool pictures here. And then of course I went to r slash t and i was like i wonder if they got cool pictures here and then of course i went to like that wasn't about like youtube drama with like jeffree star no it was about it was about fucking tea and i found out within like the first like five of the top all-time posts like shitty ass memes where it's like how i am when i'm drinking earl gray

and it's like a cool cat and it's like how i am when i'm drinking herbal tea and it's like a cool cat and it's like how I am when I'm drinking herbal tea and it's like a retarded deformed dwarf and it's like oh I guess there's but still now that you're a tea drinker you're like yes I understand I had to so funny story about tea like my other half drinks that bastardized cold tea sweet tea whatever it is

oh yeah so I had to go and buy some not even that sweet disgusting whatever the hell it is so I go to go and buy some it's not even that sweet disgusting whatever the hell it is so I go to Kroger by the way just so you know it tastes different in Canada by the way tastes shit both sides I'm sure hey we're on your side

kind of we still got the queen on our money so come on now okay Earl Grey Captain Picard. I'm all about it. So I'm stood in Kroger looking at all these like cold tea bag things. I don't even know how to make it.

And like this woman just walks up the aisle and I'm like, do you drink cold tea? Which brand do I get? How do I make this? I don't know. Did she answer you? Did she like get away from you lady? No she did He was like well now a lot of people in the south like the Lipton

But this is the best one Real people who like tea drink So I got whatever that was She said real people who drink tea And that's to you? Yeah real people You're like come on I'm real. I like to drink real tea. This ain't real tea, bitch.

Yeah, she was helping me out. You know the other thing all those people like? Is they're like, you haven't really tried tea until you're drinking loose leaf tea. And I was like, what's that look like? And I looked at it and it's just a cup of water with fucking leaves floating all around it. Like you're drinking leaves.

You're supposed to strain it out. That's so many steps. So wait, it's like the teabag is not in a teabag. It's like straight up in the cup. It looks like if you held it up to someone. Try this drug. That's what it looks like.

Only time you should use loose leaf is if you're making tea for a bunch of people and you can do it in a teapot where you can just strain the water out as you pour. I bought an electric kettle because that seems smart. When I first moved here. Oh really? I don't know why.

Every once in a while you'll skip and then I'll jump in and it sounds like I'm interrupting you but yeah. You're just rude. Are you getting that Woody? I'm just fucking rude. No matter what's going to happen, everyone in the comments is going to be like, this guy interrupted that guy, that guy interrupted that guy. Look at this.

Harley's fucked up on... You know, I was really sober last stream, by the way. Last podcast, I was 100% sober. Just coffee, right? Yeah, I was drinking like two liters of coffee. Everyone's like, yo, Harley's fucked up. He's fucked up. He was fucked up, but on caffeine. Who the hell drinks two liters of coffee. And everyone's like, yo, Harley's fucked up. He's fucked up. He was fucked up, but on caffeine.

Who the hell drinks two liters of fucking coffee? Two liters is a lot. I'm just a fucked up guy. I always have a heart attack. I'm fucked up anyways, man. And I'll be like, I'll speak less. I yelled a lot last podcast. I'll speak less.

Tell us, Kitty. Tell us. How are you doing? Yeah, we do need to catch up with Kitty. There's been a lot of comings and goings. I actually have a main going being Kyle to prison. Yeah, driving Kyle to prison was interesting because you go, where you drop them off

is like the medium security, which is fucking hardcore. Like minimum security looks like. Because minimum look bloody scary. Like, just insane fences everywhere. Like, three or four fences deep with scary razor wire and

very obese prison guards that look like they would sit on you if you misbehaved. They might. Or they might stick the fucking MS-13 or the Alien Brotherhood on you. Like we talking like a big ass smothered and covered Waffle House ass.

Yeah. That's what we're talking about. That's the number one. My favorite. I think it is. Harley. Whatever. We didn't talk about Kyle's... That's what it shall be then. Kyle's what? The people that Kyle's serving time with. I heard that there were a lot of tax evaders. Is anyone scary?

Is everyone cool? Is he making friends? He seems to have a couple of friends. Every time he calls, he's like, get in front of Google. And he's Googling things for people that he gets on with. Like, how much protein should I eat if I'm working out? X amount of hours a week. much protein should i eat if i'm working out x amount of hours a week like he seems to come with a list of stuff that people have asked him to google search so wait they have gyms

they're gyms and kyle's not taking event he's not coming back yoked although he could have dude like i was pretty pissed like they have i play pickleball which is like lightweight tennis. What's it called? Pickleball. It's not sexual, Harley. It's like a cross between ping pong and tennis. Okay. What's it called? Pickleball.

So I'm actually, you know what? I'll Google it. Carry on with your story. Yes. And they have two pickleball courts at this jail or prison or whatever the correct word is and he has not played he hasn't played at all oh what an idiot he's so he's not working out he's not playing pickleball he's read all the harry potters and he's good having you google things for his weight lifting friends yes why doesn't he have his weightlifting friends show him the ropes and he can get a little...

Well, I guess also he's not... You said he dropped a lot of weight, so he's not eating enough to build muscle anyway, I wouldn't think. Yeah, Kyle's really fussy on food, so I imagine that prison food is not... I'm interested that, like, apparently these prisoners are worried about hitting their protein macros. Like, can you go to the commissary and just get like protein powder and get

protein bars. And wasn't on the list. Like I have the list of what they can buy, but there's no protein or anything. I mean, you can get like Kyle's buying the most of like the top few items, what he's spending it all on. I don't know.

I know. Like as soon as he got there there like he maxed out his allowance getting like clothes and the good lotion and the good shampoo and things like that he bought lotion in prison well he did get caught masturbating my elbows my elbows they get all like you know my elbows probably knees but uh yeah i mean i obviously the phone is in a semi-public area so i didn't want to ask him about people he's in with um but the prison camps are minimum security you can't be in there if your sentence is over 10 years so it's going to be a lot of like white collar criminals and stuff. Hmm.

That doesn't sound too bad. If you're going to go to prison, this seems like the optimal way to do it. Kyle is living the same life he would be if he was at home. Pewter and DoorDash. Huh. Man, that's depressing. No, DoorDash. Man, that's depressing. No DoorDash is a big deal. The no DoorDash is the killer.

Yeah. DoorDash is now commissary. Now he's gonna... All I need is DoorDash, and all I need is DoorDash and be able to jerk off, I'm good. That's probably the big complaint I have about the living arrangements. It's a really public

lots of people in the bedroom type thing. It's prison, Woody. You can't choose. Yeah. I thought you were going to say you can't lank. I was like, you can't stop me. It's like in what the fuck? Silence of the Lambs when clarice is walking back from

talking to hannibal and she just gets a guy goes ah there's a wad of cum at her just smacks her right in the face i'd be that guy you would be okay that's the guy you want to be i don't want to be that guy. And Harley would be Clarice. Yeah. So we got a... No, you're looking good on my end, Harley. Unless Woody's seeing something different. So we caught up with Kyle a little bit. He's not getting raped in prison.

He's losing weight, and that's good. And I want to know a little bit about what's going on in Kitty's world. What's new? It's been a hot second. Me too. Yeah, it has been a while for me too. I'd like to hear. Yeah, well, I guess i've not really done anything in like a year and a half so i guess i moved to a bigger town um not far from atlanta nice what's your address

where's your bedroom in relation to the layout. What time do you go to bed? Remember, I have a nice little puppy called Dak who loves to bite people. You still have Dak? Do you have a... Do you have like a yard where he's locked up in a death box? No, he's inside.

Dak is an inside dog now? He always has been. That's why Kyle has to run through the house. I guess he always has, but he also had a little caged area in the side. The only people he doesn't like are you, Woody, and Kyle. I tried so hard to get Zach to like me. Why didn't he like them? He liked me briefly.

It's just that he didn't really stay consistent on it. There were times where I'd be on the couch and he's laying his head on my lap and I'm petting him, but I felt like he might bite my nuts off any second now. And then an hour later, he changes his mind and he's barking at me. I'm a dog person. He just doesn't know. He just might be a crazy guy.

Might be a little crazy. So anyway, you moved. You got a new place. So, love the place. Neighborhood's really nice. Neighbor's awesome. Got cancer. Got that cut out. All clear. So that was kind of... Cancer?

Yeah, I asked what kind. I don't know. That's too personal. Or cancer. Cancer of the cunt, darling. All right, then. We couldn't hear because your audio cut out before cancer, and so we just kept hearing cancer. Cancer. Okay.

I'm sorry. I did a load of tests on my microphone, and it was running perfectly. It's probably... I had cancer, but I was super lucky they were able to cut it out. Cut off again? The word before cancer has not been said. I'm getting it. I hear her.

I hear her perfectly. You troll. No, you do not. I swear. I swear. She said that she got it cut out perfectly. Cervical cancer. Be quiet.

Ready? Cervical cancer. Cervical cancer. Be quiet. Ready? Cervical cancer. Cervical cancer. Aha. Got it. There we go. But they slashed that out. Good.

And I've been all clear for the last two tests. I have another one coming up in a few weeks. The fun. She says sarcastically. But yeah, other than that, fairly boring. Like I've got some plans for the business next year. Nice. Move to a bigger facility and start doing prime fulfillment and stuff like that. So yeah, it's all going good.

With the cancer, did you do more than just surgery? And I'm talking about like radiation and chemo? No, I was really lucky. Like they caught it when it was just like a cluster of cells. So they were just able to slash it out. And for any women, I think the three of you that listened to this, it really wasn't a painful procedure at all i think i was in there for like 20 minutes um in from the surgery itself um i did have a lot of pain because they sort of dropped me when moving me between the tables so they sprained my neck and my back and my shoulders. Jesus Christ. They just dropped you?

I think they didn't support me when they kind of dragged me across the tables. There was a little gap in between. They just sort of slid in the middle. They kind of just dropped me onto the table a little too hard. Because they sprained a shitload of my back and my neck and everything and I couldn't move for like I don't know six weeks

Jesus that sounds so much worse than the procedure and what it was because it was a sprain it didn't kick in for a couple of days so when I went to see also you were working on it doing shit like fucking around that worse making it worse without realizing yeah pretty much and then like so i went to see my

surgeon a couple of weeks after and i'm like you guys knew i had arthritis like why didn't you support my back of my head when you were like moving me across the tables and i'm like a little bit and he just turns around and said so the good news is we got all the cancer um and you're now clear i'm just gonna hope she doesn't bring that back up and exactly exactly oh shit what can i say after you've said that you're a you're a monster how dare you did you write your surgeon a letter have you've said that. You're a monster. How dare you? Did you write your surgeon a letter? Have you ever done that? Couldn't be bothered.

Like, honestly, whatever. You've done that before? Yeah, so I do it all the time now, actually. So I have a lot of surgeries. I just fuck up a lot. You know, the knees, elbows, whatever. And so now going into it, I like lay it out there of, you know, the knees, elbows, whatever. And, uh, uh, so now going

into it, I like lay it out there, you know, like, Hey, like I've got this extra thing about like, you know, like, Hey, coming out of this, I'm hoping to play ice hockey again. I'm hoping to do this. I injured it doing that double check that it's the right one, not the left one. Um, uh, I get a nauseous coming out of surgery every time. This is a guarantee. So I just lay it out there like, hey, to the anesthesiologist, this is what you can expect with me. It's not a maybe.

So let's just treat the nausea before I wake up and fuss about it. And yeah, it goes super well. And they're always appreciative. They take the letter and it's like gold to them. Like they read it, they go over my concerns. I usually try to connect somewhat so I'm not a slab of meat

that gets dropped on the floor and i connect a little bit i talk about you know the nausea thing and and now how i injured it and what i you know that i'm usually try to lay out that i'm some sort of active person you know that let's do this good and uh do it well so i i think that's like a pro tip and i'm not alone like that they probably get letters from 25 of their patients like it's a thing a letter but like they were very much aware like i can't have anesthetic i'm super high risk so i have all my surgery under sedation no matter how bad the surgery is i just get sedated and And they put the arthritis band on me, you know, the full risk

and the don't drop fragile. But apparently they missed that one. They even had a wrist that said, do not drop. I'm just fucking with you. But I just, I had the arthritis one, which, you know, you should say, hey, be a little more

careful when throwing her across the room yeah that basically means do not drop pretty much fragile yeah well i'm glad that they got all of the the cluster of cells out of there and that the worst part about it was them dropping you like the guy who delivered the tupperware container i order did with those and there were glass tupperwares and he threw them right on my and i asked that they put the arthritis band on the package before they didn't fucking work yeah so man anything fun other than the other than the move or just turmoil? I've been really working on, like, getting up and moving. You know, I stopped physical therapy two years ago but had been continuing with that.

And now I'm sort of at a stage where I barely need to use my wheelchair now. So I've started going to the gym like three times a week. I'm playing pickleball two or three times a week. Um, and play pickleball like that implies a pretty awesome level of mobility to me. Am I right? Yeah. My legs give out before my stamina, which is a bit annoying, but I broke my record last week. I did 94 minutes, which may not seem like much to most people, but to me, that was pretty epic.

90 minutes better than I could do. You said 94 minutes, an hour and a half. I feel like that's a full-on match, no? I feel like that's a good amount of time. It was multiple games. I zeroed out the other team. If I go to the gym and work out, I feel like 90 minutes is what it should be. If you're going longer than that, you know, you're going. What if you spend half your time reading Apple News?

How does that impact your workout time? You can push it, you can push it. Hypothetically. You can do 120 minutes at that point. And I feel like, because it's a game, like I'm less aware of my legs as well. When I'm at the gym, I'm constantly keeping an eye, making sure I'm not hyperextending my knees and things like that.

Whereas when it's pickleball, it's just kill. Well, I should try it out if that's the type of game it is. Yeah, it gets that way. Kill. My way. Kill. My mind. Or my bad. Kill. I was...

This has nothing to do with anything, but it made me laugh really hard. Well, it's got to do with something, I bet. Well, nothing to do with what we're fucking talking about. But I was talking to my buddy who lives with another friend of mine. No, a different buddy. I actually have more than two friends yeah i was talking to him he lives in an apartment uh closer to the city and with both my friends live there together and it was last winter and i don't know why he didn't tell us this until recently, because it was good. And he was like, yeah, there's this 85, 80, so old that you can't peg a number.

It could be 95. It could be 96. Who knows? But they said she was annoying as fuck, and she was always telling him to turn stuff down, even when it was like, these guys are not boisterous. They're keeping it courteous. And he was headed to work one day, and there was snow on the ground. And he saw her trying to walk to her car and she's struggling starting to slip and so he's like ma'am uh marie or gretchen

some old ass bitch name or something walks over uh give me your hand i'll walk you to the car so he's walking her to the car she's so frail he says her skin feels like paper like he could just pull and rip it and he gets her to the car and and he puts her hand on the door of the car. And he's like, wait here. I'm going to run back. I'm going to get the scraper thing, and I'm going to get this scraped off, and I'm going to help you in. And she's like, oh, thank you so much for helping me with this.

And he said he got four steps away before he heard just a slip and a like a comedic style, like Larry Moe and Curly style. Whoop, just straight up and bam, straight on the ice. That'd be tough on a healthy person. I know. And she's not helping. And he turned around and she goes oh help me and he said he walked over he's not good with blood he said her

her leg had a compound fracture there was a bone sticking out of her leg and he said I immediately started going and he goes, and she looked at me and she goes,

Matt, Matt, is it bad? Is it bad, Matt? And he's like, and I'm trying not to vomit. I'm about to pass out. And there was so much blood soaking into the snow. I just go, no, Marie. No, Marie. No, Marie.

It's not bad. It's not bad. I'm going to call the hospital. I'm going to call the hospital. He called the hospital. I was trying to describe it. And he says, it's like, you know, when it's cold out and the air is cold and it feels like sound just resonates a bit more that you could just hear

bouncing between the apartment buildings, her wailing and her just over and over he stressed how many times she asked matt is it bad is it bad she's got a bone sticking out of her fucking leg and he's he's like retching the entire time up until they get there and lying and lying to her also yeah and lying to her which is the right thing to do and he was like he told me he's like I was scared to death I was watching this lady bleed out and I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to put pressure on it because her bone is sticking through I don't know what the fuck to do ends up she

did not die so that's she's going to at some point that's kind of the writing on the wall wait you mean according to this she's gonna she's gonna die eventually? This is just So my mother-in-law stayed with us

And broke her hip And when that kind of thing happens And your mobility's gone This is the start of a rapid downhill for her Carry on Oh no, that's it I was busting a gut laughing Imagining him standing there in the snow

With blood everywhere a woman with a compound fracture him going and her screaming is it bad is it bad like it seems like it's right out of like a slapstick comedy especially because you added that sound effect of her following like that that's what really clenched it right there the the sound effects yeah my police academy was so good Your buddy's Leslie Nielsen Yeah he is

That guy died a while ago Damn shame he was hilarious Yeah he was great Anybody have your own story of elderly people Getting grievously injured in a funny way Wasn't funny at all Taylor He made it a little funny for us.

He did. We'll let the listeners and the subreddit decide. Let the subreddit decide is a terrible sentence in regards to anything. That's true. Letting Reddit decide anything is a terrible mistake. Yeah. But there was something that Chiz hammered me to bring up while Kitty was here because she knows so much about it is this whole Uber and Lyft thing that's going on in California that's going to destroy the gig economy because of some legislation. Oh, yeah.

I only know the one sentence Chiz basically told me to ask. Is it that there are contractors? I only know a little about it, but basically what it's saying is that Uber and things like that couldn't function without their drivers. So therefore, drivers are a core part of the business and they should be entitled to living wage benefits. They should be classed as employees. Which would basically, okay. Sorry, you cut out again. Go ahead. Look at how many things in our... Like job titles in our... It could be classed like that.

You don't know how much you're cutting in and out, but it's hard to understand your words. I'm not... Why am I not getting cut out as much? Wait, so unless I'm missing things and I'm like trying to piece together sentences don't exist you're saying like that this whole cab thing the drivers are ubers they're considered employees because they're a core part of the business so think about other lines of business where people are not considered the core but they should be because it's like this Uber thing

is now like setting precedent. Kitty said all that? Dude. Well, similar. No, she said it in better words than I did. I had no respect for word economy. I said it with like 15 times the amount of words that she did.

But basically, like even from the standpoint of who you guys are, that could affect Twitch. It could affect YouTube. The content creators are a core part. You're saying the creators are a core part of the business, so YouTube owes us a living wage? That's not how contractors are decided. Look, I guess a judge just knows more about this than me.

Probably. That's his job. I guess a judge just knows more about this than me. But there's like 20 rules. And the core of it is like, hey, do they provide their own equipment? Do they choose their own hours? Like you can assign a contractor a project and then that contractor sort of gets the project done

on their own terms. And that's pretty close to what an Uber guy does, right? He just shows up whenever the freak he wants to, logs in, does a bunch of jobs logs out provides his own equipment like it's very much contractor in my mind so that's what long-haul truckers do that's what youtubers do that's what twitch streamers do yeah but but i feel like it's like uh this better not make ubers more expensive i mean honestly if the bill passes and doesn't get kind of thrown out in supreme court or wherever wherever it goes next it could

pull uber and lyft from california oh it's a bill yeah oh i i was under the impression it was a case that was decided no they're making a new wall that's why I don't know the wall. It's a new one they're making. Okay. Alright. Yeah, well that... Well, I'm not going back to taxis. They're terrible. And they're surly. Never. 100%. Never. I can't.

They're terrible. I like sitting in the back of that nice place, especially when the guy has like mints or candies for you, and it feels like it's a treat. and you know what i like the most is i had one guy who had like a little like like a dial on the center console where it was like conversation music silence whoa cool guy it was like it was it was it a high-tech dial. It was the kind of thing that you'd spin in the game of life. But still, he looked at it, right? I just moved it to music.

He didn't say a word, and I've never given someone such a good tip. It was great. I want that from a waitress. I want a waitress to be like, lame joke, don't bother me, check on how things are. That's what I want at my meal there was like a point in my life where i was just like really like i guess i'd been single for too long and like everyone was a potential and whenever i went for a restaurant like to a restaurant and i'd be

like uh yeah could i get the uh the chicken and rib combo and the waitress would be like oh chicken rib combo that's my favorite i'd be like someone wants to fuck me and like obviously she does not there's nothing about it but there was just like a point where my life i was so lost in being single that popped in my head and i remember that just that just reminded me about that time in my life we were talking about the waitress i'd be like girl would look at me twice i'd be like she looked at me twice she wants my babies i bet right now that's like when you're getting like your semen retention's We were talking about the waitress. I'd be like, girl would look at me twice. I'd be like, she looked at me twice. She wants my babies, I bet. That's like when you're getting your semen retention's too high.

You haven't gotten laid in forever. And it's just like every single girl that's friendly to you, you're just imagining your potential life together. There's so much semen retained, Taylor. There's so much semen on retainer. I could not even explain to you how everyone was going to get a piece of that. That's weird. You guys just don't store it up in your fridge?

I should start doing that. But I feel like someone will rob it and put it inside themselves. That's the concern. That's the Jewish concern. And then I'm like, no, I'm not going to pay. The risk weun around here is that someone uses it in their cereal.

Eww. Not bad. This milk's off, and it tastes like bleach. You know, all this shit about e-cigs or vaporizers maybe getting banned, which it's not going to happen,

like flavored e-cigarettes getting banned. Have you heard about this, Woody? I have, but I thought it was an executive order that he already signed. Oh, I don't think it's going to end up happening. He's not signed it. He talked about it this morning. But the thing is, while it's only affecting people in the U.S., it's pretty much just knock off thc

capsules that have come in from china that people seem to be buying on like chinese instagram accounts and like getting them like it's super dodgy that makes it sound so much worse i thought it was like like jewel pods no no it's not it's um it's just a type of oil that they use to bind the thc it's called topiocal which is also known as like a vitamin oil like topiocal 50 is vitamin e but it's really bad if you inhale it and that's what these chinese companies are using to cut their fake THC oil or spice oil with and then they're shipping them out to the US. Oh, so it's only true. I thought it was a Juul thing.

I had friends who spoke Juul and they were calling me up freaking out. I've read about every time there's a death I read these articles and they say that they don't know that people who vape smoke a variety of different things and they haven't tracked it to something with the confidence that Kitty just had. This has come out in the last couple of days,

so I don't know how up on it you are. Right? This oil is causing the glands in the lungs to retain water, basically. Yeah, so Trump wants to ban the

sale of all non-tobacco flavored e-cigarettes. And his concern is that some of these are marketed towards kids. Like the article I'm looking at says he wants to ban marshmallow flavored vapes. Kind of like how birthday cake vodka, they got rid of that.

Why did they get rid of that? Why did they get rid of birthday cake vodka? They didn't actually get rid Or Fireball. Why did they get rid of that? Why did they get rid of birthday cake vodka? They didn't actually get rid of that. I was making fun of the fact that... I was like, wait, what happened with that? Is that a real thing? There's vanilla vodka. First time I drank vanilla vodka, I was like

17 on the way to a blues game and it was hot. I almost vomited in the back of my head. That sounds disgusting. I'm particularly interested in the birth cake. Vanilla means a lot of things to a lot of people. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I've told the story of my friend who invented Jell-O shots and couldn't get

FDA approval. Food, drug, and alcohol? Yeah, I think it was FDA. Whatever it was, he couldn't get approval. They kept giving him the runaround on like, oh, this font needs to change, this needs to change. And he's like, just tell me everything. And they and they're like no we're going to make up things forever so that you can't bring jello shots to market because we know that the people who buy these will be under 21 and now jello shots are on the market i was literally in a gas station today

buying that nasty ass beef stick i ate before the show and i saw it was a four pack of uh lemon drops you know like it's like a sweet lemony kind of shot that you get and it was a four pack of lemon drops. You know, like it's like a sweet lemony kind of shot that you get. And it was just four plastic shot glasses with little top that said like four lemon drops, 80 proof per shot or whatever. And it's, you know, bright colors and everything. So are you describing jello shots or something different? I don't know. It's basically like the same argument you would make for jello shots insofar as that's what's drawing kids to it. You could make for lemon drops. You could make for a buttery nipple or any other sweet

uh sweet shot my impression like my takeaway from it was they're pretty unsuccessful in stopping these things but some people on the fda are fighting what they feel is the good fight and you know they're going to get rid of maybe marshmallow flavored vapes but someone else is going to come out with a cupcake flavored vape and but they'll be like, what up? You know, why get rid of marshmallows? And I guess I'm just trying to say that there is a goal in the FDA to stop people from selling bad things to kids. Yeah, because they get their checks from tobacco. And they get lots of influence. The e-cig ban sponsored by Philip Morris.

Yeah, exactly. To be honest, maybe I should look at it through that lens because that could be it. The FDA has a lot of outside influence. I mean, look at how many people die from cigarettes or even die from excessive alcohol through DUIs or whatever each year.

Five people have died from vaping. I'm not saying vaping's good for you, but when you compare it to cigarettes, stupid that they're banning one and not the other. And I guarantee that this is because Melania caught Barron using a Juul. I guarantee. That's funny. And now Trump doesn't want to deal with that bitch yelling at him in 14 languages

or whatever shit they bragged on her with she's like why is a little bit I don't know what she sounds like something go with the Hispanic she's a Hispanic housekeeper in this one why won't you why won't you bend the sail the Baron is getting

he's already six foot 11 she's getting a little Italian now she speaks so many languages. He's like, I'm so fucking tired of you. I'm going to beg some other bitch. This is ridiculous. I'm tired. All right.

I'm siding it. I swear to fuck. I'm siding it. That's what's happening right now. And Baron's like getting railed at school with her. Like, thanks. Thanks, Baron. Thanks for getting caught

with your strawberry short now we can't now we can't vape vape owes bro but we're not coming to your white house pool party how about that is it not bad that they've got that vapes are on the rising kids right these people are doing nicotine vapes how can we be for that i mean i don't think you have to be for it i think that it's a little silly to i mean it is it the same way you could make that exact same argument for fireball uh flavored vodkas because it's not like they're selling these but that's not a counter argument like like you know you said like well there's another bad thing over here there's another bad thing over here i'm sorry can i keep talking like you're 33 000 people that

number is probably bullshit but whatever died from guns last year why are we worried about vapes oh so we don't do anything about vapes like it's skyrocketing among kids if vapes but like kids aren't allowed to buy vapes oh but that's who's smoking them but then we should probably yeah go ahead kitty in response to that like companies like jewel right you can only get now in stores you can only get the tobacco and the mint right the fruit ones you can only buy from their website that was their response the issue is is there but kids will get around it it's the same way kids get around the alcohol laws they get someone else to get them for them that's it but that's but see i'm like then they got around

it then that's on the parents that's not that's on it like you know what like put a lot of shit out there put it all in the world if we like you know if a whole bunch of us kill ourselves doing crazy stuff or doing what we want to do then like so be it you know people kids go and drink alcohol before they're allowed to drink alcohol and then by the time they're legal drinking age they're already an alcoholic or they're already addicted to it you know the same thing with cigarette that's just the way it is and for every time I change gets a little less bad I like more choice for us I like more choice and more consequences and more decisions. And if parents have to be better so their kids don't have vapes and do it.

But if I want to suck a marshmallow vape till I die, then let me do it. But don't let me not do it because like a 12 year old is doing it also because they have shit ass parents or they go to the weird store down the street. Like give us everything. We will decide what we want to do and some of us will die doing it. Inform us, though. Inform us. If you know that marshmallow, then stick it with all those bullshit stickers, just like we do with cigarettes.

Do the same thing, if that's what you want to do. But don't get rid of it. Maybe you're right. You guys, cigarettes are hilarious in Canada. Oh, you guys don't have that no no ours like when you see cigarettes at the store it just says marlboro with a pattern like the little uh diamond top thing with the whatever but i saw a canadian pack of cigs and it straight up had a kid dead in its its uh but a crib whatever kids sleep in just it had a kid dead there and it was like this leads to potential

birthing issues. And I was like, this is hardcore what Canada's doing. Like it was saying, if you're a pregnant mother, this is what you're doing. A kid, or no, it wasn't even a dead kid, it was like a kid dead in a hospital setting. You have one there? You guys don't get horror stories on here?

No, no, ours just say cigarettes Can you read it to us yeah, yeah Why a sick less cigarette that fade them what no I'm just Look at the power of the cigarette remember this face and that smoking killed me barb tarbox died at 42 of lung cancer caused by cigarettes and it's like that's her literally sick and that takes up look how much it takes this is the name of the brand these these used to be this big they got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger by law so now a cigarette it's like that's your brand but like it is kind of shameless like that that's your line of work you're like okay so

we need a new design people because the government's killing us they want to take more of our realistic but it is sad it's like a you know this person passed away and it's on there um and you look on the side there's another warning there and when you open it up it's not there now because to get up but like It has a slip in it. There's like a slip that's like, bro, you are fucking up right now. I cannot. This is the last piece of paper until you just go and smoke your shit.

You're fucking up. We've showed you four dead people, and now you're going to go and smoke. Okay, go. My friend smokes camels. I don't remember what kind, but he'll open those a new pack and the piece of paper in there is two dollars off his next pack okay but wait but wait

camel like that whole character was created for kids cool joe or camel joe whatever his name is the coolest character to ever ever exist i cannot believe they made a camel so fucking cool like it's a camel never has i no one has ever like a camel is my spirit animal and they are pretty badass they're fucking badass that's for sure but like just the way they look you would never think they look cool fuck no but that camel camel joe is those prehensile lips gripping a when i i remember when i was a kid i was like the 80s the coolest clothes he looked like a miami vice character sometimes when i when i was like a kid when i was like a kid like when i was like six i'm like where do i find this motherfucker's cartoon

what channel is this motherfucker on dude you'd see a cigarette i'd be like this one sucks this one sucks oh a camel so yeah let's read the cartoon on this one and then they have the pop ones camels also sell those like pop things where like you're smoking like this is a cigarette and then you pop and you're like now it's a fruit punch cigarette you know what i mean it's like two flavors so is that wrong i remember in england when those warnings in england when those warnings came out like a little mini industry came out beside it to cover up your cigarette packet yeah and they were called fag tags and they'd have like funny sayings and you just stick them over the health warning you're like someone who died like smoking cigarettes

being like my last wish is just to tell you all to not and you're like boom look how funny it is now you know what they need to do is they need to come up with bogus studies they need to go further than what they've done in the uk and canada and say like did you know 84 of rapists smoke you're not a rapist are you you're not a rapist are you and it shows people with their arms folded staring at you knowingly. Like, what are you going to do with those cigarettes? Smoke it before you molest someone? Probably.

Just guilt by association. Could you imagine that? Like, it's forget trying to stop you from smoking. Now they'll, like, scarlet letter you amongst everyone. Just being like, 9 out of 10 people that smoke cigarettes also rape people so nine out of ten pedophiles if this guy is talking to you at the bar you should consider that there is a 90 chance that he is this type of person if this is his pack of cigarettes newport's not sending the best you know what i want to like the coolest way to smoke cigarettes and they're all so cool, is when...

You know those long stems that people used to way back in the day? Yeah, when you're a villain. That's so cool. I'd start smoking. When you're Cruella de Vil. I'm going to buy one of those and start smoking. You need a jacket made out of

Dalmatians to rock that. That'd be pretty cool. I don't know. I always thought that was just neat, where they're just holding it. It must have been one of the women Bond fucked. Where do you buy that thing? No, no. Or Cruella DeVille, who made a fur coat out of 101 Dalmatians.

Cruella DeVille, bad rap, because Dalmatians are notoriously difficult to handle. Fuck it. Let's make a jacket out of them. The long thing you smoke cigs out of. Cigarette holder. Cigarette holder. That's a better name.

I knew it. In my head, I was like, i feel like i'm just gonna shut up i'm gonna see if they sell cigarette holders on amazon oh my god cigarette holder for women and for men cool you want to go to the wish i feel like you want to go to the wish app and you'll get it definitely look at this one you put it it's a ring it's it's an elegant cigarette ring that you put on your finger and it has a little thing and it holds it. You can just go There's nothing elegant about that ring and how it smells.

But also, look at this. You can get one of those cases like Nucky Thompson and everybody used in Boardwalk Empire where they got their cigs in that metal case and they flip it open all cool. Oh, I know people who have that. I know people who have that. My ex had that even. This episode of PKA is brought to you by lung cancer yeah anyway harley's argument was interesting to me like it basically was people should have

agency and make their own decisions and i line up with those same things in other areas like student loans but i don't know why i don't with marshmallow flavored vapes how with student loans what i mean it's funny we're reversed you and me where i'm like i don't know why i don't with marshmallow flavored vapes how with student loans what i mean it's funny we're reversed you and me where i'm like i don't think people are capable of taking out a life-ruining amount of money like that's just going to be basically handed to them and then on the hook for it forever but vapes seem so much less bad like i honestly like i'm down for everything becoming legal being regulated taxed making sure it's not full of fentanyl if it's whatever the hell gets filled with fentanyl i'm for safe use centers so yeah you know there's

people there with is it narcan like trained nurses so that people can get help if they need it but i am like legalize everything. Except killing and rape. Everything, Harley. Jesus, you're biased. It's all or nothing. Come on now. As long as murder and rape are taxed and regulated. I hate

you all. This is yours. This is your suggestion. Well, you murdered someone. That's a fine. That's $50 murder tax, please. Thank you. Man, we would live in a horrific

society if they implemented that. If it was a $50 murder tax, oh my God, Logan Paul would be able to afford to murder so many people. Welcome to the PKA Annual Purge Alright, you guys go to vote on which host we kill this year

You guys like that movie, The Purge? I've never seen it, but it intrigued me the premise to it but it also has the kind of premise where I doubt they did it well I think they did, I don't know I never really actually saw the first, but I saw other ones after. But then I thought this was really a great idea for a Purge movie.

Do you want to hear it? Yeah, go for it. So the Purge is like the rich white people of the country decide that it's better if one day a year any crime you could do whatever crime, but they do it to kind of cut down on

like poverty and homeless because people will go and kill the poor and kill the homeless and they'll kind of kill each other. It's like their problem sorting itself out in a way, you know. So that's why they do this one day a year purge where everyone kills each other. I thought of this movie, okay. It's a purge sequel.

It's called Purge 6, whatever they're on. Purge 6, not the purge sequel it's called purge six whatever they're on purge six not the purge and it's a day it's a day where it's not the purge but people who have their families have family members or loved ones have been killed on the purge on a not purge day take over like uh like basically like uh like politicians that signed off on the purge in the first place that created the purge so these people are like regular like picture us dreams like my girlfriend was killed in the purge your kid was killed in the purge you know you're you were raped in the purge and we go and we band together and we go and we get these like politicians that signed up on it. And we have like our guns and we make like a little complex in one of their houses and hold it as a hostage situation.

But the thing with The Purge is like on off Purge days because crime is so low, it's like they're not prepared for such a scenario off Purge. And then you get to have the movie called purge six not the purge or it's just called not the purge or and then purge seven it's the purge again no yeah purge seven the return of the purge purge eight purgement day man that's a good that's going in the idea journal Purge 8, Purgement Day. Man, that's going in the Idea Journal. Yeah, man. Take that one.

I just threw it out there because I hope someone out there has got Drive and they just pitch it and they make it happen, man. Go get it. Go get it, bro. That one's yours. Whatever you want is yours. Yeah, yeah, take it, take it. But, yeah, I don't know. Purge is like one time where I like skipped the first one

and I'm like at the theater watching Purge 3 and I'm like, what happened in the first 10 movies? Well, they killed everybody on Purge. Have you guys seen, side thing, have you seen this new like industry

that's kind of up and coming, especially in like Russia called Extreme Engagements? I have not. Tell me. So like there was this guy who was in the police I guess and they like SWAT rated the girlfriend's house and like were accusing her of having stuff and then like he pulls off his mask and is like will you marry me oh my god like shaking pale face that's not that is so like the viral video i will get for proposing to you is so much more important than the proposal itself it's like so brutal that guy rules Extreme proposals can cost as little as 700 rupees,

which is like dollars for a half an hour photo session with a member of the security forces to around 900 bucks for a full security forces show. So basically this industry basically scares the shit out of girlfriends and then it's like just kidding marry me man russia sounds awesome russia in many ways sounds like exactly what we're talking about we're like everything should be legal if you make the mistake you make the mistake in russia they fucking catch you for making that mistake what if you don't want to propose but you want to look cool by fighting off a bunch of security agents with a metal pipe?

Which everyone knows, every Russian, by law, has to have a lead pipe in their trunk or in an arm's reach. In their track pants, yeah. Yeah, track pants. And then I'm going to beat them up with my lead pipe and then just dominantly squat in my track suit. Taylor, if you have a lead pipe, I'm going to call it two and a half feet long,

and the other guy has a whip, what do you think? The range whip? I'm going to win that. I'm going to sprint at him. If you have the pipe, you have the pipe? Yeah. Yeah, I have the pipe.

I'm going to beat the shit out of that guy. He's not Indiana Jones. That's what we're saying. Let's say he does, because I'm thinking about it. Let's say he does, because I'm thinking about it. Let's say he does know how to use a whip. I would feel like a whip would suck to fight someone who knows how to use a whip.

Yeah. They're not going to wrap your arms up. I mean, no offense, but if I have a six-foot bullwhip, you're not running at me with a fucking pipe. I could throw the pipe to distract you enough to tackle you. I mean... It's just a whip. I feel like you can like the pipe to distract you enough to tackle you. I mean... It's just a whip. I feel like you can, like, the consistency and rate

that you could be, like, attacking with a whip. I feel like it's like a... Like, you could fucking get a good thing. Whoa. Whoa, easy, Harley. It's whipping. It's getting me all riled up. Harley's getting all excited over whipping here.

Yeah. What were you saying, Kitty, about that whip here? No, I swear, I feel like a whip is low-key because I used to have this thought about weapons or weapon or whatever. A whip, you think it's bitch shit,

but I think if someone knows how to use a whip, they're taking your eyeball out real fast. Yeah, maybe. I feel like a whip can slice across your face, rip your skin apart. You'll need stitches everywhere. I feel like a whip can slice across your face, fucking rip your skin apart. You'll need stitches everywhere.

I don't know. But I'll get a cool scar. Well, that argument could be made with a lead pipe, too. You can do some damage with it. It's a better weapon, but it's a range. Yeah, Katie's on the same page.

What? A whip is practically a range weapon. I think a knife is better than a gun. only if you're within knife distance though yeah yeah that's the question right like like getting in there you know how good is a whip at keeping it someone at bay right it all depends on the skill set if you're like a matador I assume they know how to use whips I

don't know like someone who's really good at it. Yeah. Matadors don't use whips, do they? I don't know who's good with whips. They use reds, right? A dominatrix. Whoever's good with whips. Okay, okay.

Now we're back to my core confidence. If she's whipping, then I'm not as confident because she's probably got, whap, whap, whap, good accuracy because she's snapping CEOs' nutsacks all day with that thing because that's what they get off to. Because they've got so much power over the finance industry

that they just want to be demeaned by a Slavic woman with a whip. But lead pipes? I don't know. One hit with a lead pipe, you're going down. You're dead. Yeah, you're dead. That's the difference. It's true.

A whip is going to be like, ouch, ouch, ouch. A lead pipe, one hit, kill you. You're out. Yeah, you'll be dead. I mean, put a whip in my hand and the guy with the lead pipe is going to eat my lunch. I'm fucked. I don't know what to do. That attitude for sure, but come on, bro. You give me a 30-minute training

session first with the dominatrix. What is a whipping profession? Dominatrix works for me. Probably cowboy or archaeologist, I guess. Yeah, why did we make a whip? Why did we even invent this? What's this for?

To beat people with. Why else? Oh, slavery. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I actually, I'm so ignorant and everything just rushed into my brain right now. A farmer in the 1800s? Yeah, yeah. If I get whip lessons from the finest slaver in Libya

for a whole day in their nicest open-air slave market, I think I'll have a chance against the lead pipe guy. Maybe. Apparently Biden's teeth fell out in the debates tonight.

I've never watched those. Let's watch it. That's so funny. Chiseling. Oh, wait. It's the first thing I saw. It's only nine seconds long. I think I'm going to end up watching this repeatedly. Let me... Okay, I need to open this up.

This is Biden's teeth. It's okay. All right, I'm ready. It's not like what you think. Oh, shit, sorry. My bad, I watched it. Yeah, no worries. All right, ready, set, play.

If you couldn't get it done after Sandy Hook, why should voters give you another chance? Because the guy's done before. They don't talk about five. Like, you see it fall out. Audio. Why should voters give you another chance? Because the guy's done before. If you couldn't get it done after Sandy Hook, why should voters give you another chance?

Because I've done before. That is what I was hoping for. I was hoping they were going to fall just straight out. See, I've been burned by life so many times. I don't get that kind of joy. I didn't really think it would fall on the podium. I thought it would be this. This is actually worse than I thought.

Because we've got it done before. I wanted them to fall out of his mouth, him to try and catch them, but accidentally fly them forward into the audience. You wanted a Mr. Magoo kind of segment. Absolutely. Dude, I'm done with this. I wanted it to fall.

Yeah, right? It's so funny, though. You can see the teeth starting to come down. The only reason it stayed there is because he closed his mouth. He probably has that kind of technique I bet denture wearers have, like a little catch and save and reinsert with their lips and tongue. I'm done with the septuagenarians, maybe, running for president. Enough.

Enough of this bullshit. Why is everyone interesting over 70 right now? Give me someone else. I was in that same... Let's get a gamer in there. Until I saw this clip and now I'm in favor of the oldest. He is the oldest. So funny. Where they're like, we're gonna win in Vietnam.

We're bringing our boys home after victory. See, if I was American at this point, I want a president with big-ass titties. Yeah. That's what I want. I'm done. I'm done with everything else, bro. Everyone's failed me as an American.

Now, I just want a president with big titties. So you're on Team Trump? I'm on Team Titties. So you think Trump has nice titties? I bet he's got a good rack Dude he's fucking huge No he doesn't have the Tick kind of fat

He has the fast food kind of fat Where he's got an enormous Belt And like One nipple is always hard And one nipple is always soft Always This is how I picture Trump naked I'm on the list now for sure One nipple is always hard, and one nipple is always soft. Always.

This is how I picture Trump naked. You don't. I'm on the list now for sure. I'm not going back in the country. Why, guys? I like the USA. It was fun. Trump's got to have jugs.

He just has to. No, I think Taylor's right. I think it's like you're getting ass with him. You're not getting titties. Yeah, you can see with his fat placement. Look at the pictures of him golfing in those stretchy ass khakis. He has got a donk on him. That's where his fat placement goes.

If he were a chick, it'd be all ass. I'm looking at his jugs right here. Well, now look up an ass pic. Hey, I got a terrible question for you, Taylor. Yeah. It's terrible. Let's say you have to fuck him. Yeah, Trump?

Yep. So I get to fuck Trump. You have to. He does have a ass on him. Or you have to, except the Holocaust happens again, except to your people this time. So you have to do it. Okay, so let's say you are fucking them.

How do you finish that? How do I finish that? How do you finish? That's how hard it is. That's what is the question. Either on the tits. Well, no, no. Here's the thing. Realistically, it's for real life.

We're not even joking. We're not even joking. What do you two think about? We're not even joking. You have to do it. You're half crying because it's terrible that you have to do this.

Yeah. No, be more realistic, would you? Why would I be crying? Well, let's just say you don't like it. Oh, okay. I don't know.

If I was doing it, I'd be like, oh my God, I have to do this. I have to fuck you. Okay, but you're doing it. Are you going to finish inside him? Or is that too

intimate? You'll pull it out and beat off, but now it's like you're making more of a thing of it. Do I get to do it in the Oval Office? Yeah, of course. Because it would be a power move to pull out and do it on the desk

just right on the president that's a fucking cool ass stick a cigar in his ass that i want you boys to be president and then that every time from now until i'm a hundred because my lifestyle and the things i eat means i'll live to a hundred and because every time i'll tell my grandkids they'll they'll ask me are you gonna watch the president you know jing on tv today he just won the 2068 election yeah and i'm gonna say do you know what your grandfather did he came all over that desk in 2020 after blowing out Trump's pipes worse than a full bucket of KFC. They're going to say, wow, Grandpa. I got my own Wikipedia page for it.

The first man. There's Neil Armstrong's statue and then me. The first man to come on the desk. Oh, I think that's taken. It's all on camera. I'm the first one to come. It's all on camera. It's all on camera. I'm the first one that has it proven. Well, there's a blue dress as little evidence.

No, my way's cooler. Okay. I saw, I did see a great tweet. I'm scoping the whole thing. I don't know. I don't know if it was a fake thing or not, but it was a great tweet. I don't know if it was like a fake meme, but it was like,

explain a bad piece of advice you got in college. And Monica Lewinsky had tweeted that an internship at the White House will look great on my resume. That's absolutely real. That was a real one?

Actually, she has a pretty funny Twitter account. She makes lots of self-deprecating humor. She's cool now. That's humor. She's cool now. Maybe she was cool then too. She's a dick, brother. She's pretty fucking cool. Cooler than anything we've done. That's true.

She's cool now. That situation was rough on her. She's cool now. She's cool with it now, maybe? That situation was really rough. She's cool now.'s cool with it now maybe Like that situation was really rough She's cooled out We're over it She sucked the brother Nevermind

No go go No fuck you She's cooled out She wasn't cool then When she was sucking his dick But now that it's out of her system The dress is clean The blouse

The stain is gone It's good that she's able To make jokes about it well i heard that she referred to herself as and it was true patient zero of like cancel culture online bullying it was like one of the first things that ever happened that was big that everyone on the internet spoke about and joked about and posted about and made like memes about it was like one of the first major events she's like ground zero of like being memed on and being like having the internet turn on you all in once apparently that's what i had

read about it which is kind of makes sense and apparently shortly after that near near to that one of the closest videos that we ever freaked out about was Tom Cruise jumping on the couch on Oprah. And these are just like early days of the internet, but yeah. Isn't that what you're saying? Like, I'm in love with Katie Holmes

or something, jumping up and down. Yeah, exactly. I'm in love with this woman. Yeah, but he's cool now too. What? When I try and click back onto the Biden's teeth fell out thing, the tweet's not showing up.

What the fuck? Someone took it away from us. it's gone yeah it's gone we slipped wow we got it we got it i love that shit and then it's like too late motherfuckers we already saw we already saw your teeth you know someone i wonder if this person just got paid like 150 bucks or something for this to be done. Oh, there's BuzzFeed. I wonder what happened. I mean, Barstool Sports has it up. I just retweeted them so I can have it for posterity.

That's too funny. How funny is like someone even just removing the tweet like that and then it's like, why? It's everywhere. It's over. Can't remove things like that. When will people learn? Once it's on the internet. It's on the fucking internet and now people that wouldn't have gone to see this video are hearing us talk about how the

video was taken down they're like oh so i'm taking down i gotta go find it yes and then i'll go and find it they're inspired to go and look at it now that's so funny i made up that person and their actions but you agree with me right then maybe that person and their actions, but you agree with me, right? That maybe that person exists? Absolutely. I don't need any facts for you to agree with what you're saying. As long as I like it and it's funny. I don't fucking need facts, bro. I'm American. I don't need facts to act on something.

Hell no. I feel. This is how we started the second Iraq war. That ended up being really not funny. You just have to go with a good sense of humor, Taylor. I give that two thumbs down. What age... Oh, you want to say it?

No. What age is too old to be a virgin? Are there acceptable... This is a Patreon question. Are there acceptable... Is there a different acceptable age between genders? My answers are 35 for men and 30 for women. I don't think there's an age where it's unacceptable.

Like, I don't know. It's just an odd phrasing. I'd have questions if you were a 40-year-old virgin, but I don't think... I don't know. Even at 25? If I had a friend of mine who was 25 and hadn't had sex, I would have a conversation.

I would just be like, I would want to know why. Maybe there's a decision. Maybe there's a reason. People have their reasons. But if you're actively trying to have sex and you're 25 and maybe now you haven't, maybe it's a time where you could start to get some advice on how to approach the scenario, or maybe you're not and like maybe like now you haven't like maybe it's a time where you could start to just get some advice on how to approach the scenario or maybe you're not approaching it right or maybe you're looking in the wrong places maybe your standards are fucked maybe you know

you're not you know just at that point I feel like you know everyone's so sexual and society's so sexual that at 25 you've actively been doing it since high school and you haven't done yet maybe something maybe like a class is worth it. Not a pickup artist, absolutely, definitely not the opposite of that, but maybe like a socializing lessons or like how to talk to people in general. Like a way to pick up girls.

Yeah, because something, but I don't want to say pick up girls because it makes me think of like those guys that are like, yo, I'm a fucking seven-foot white guy in China. I'm going to go talk to 100 girls. you want a fucking chinese one of them's gonna say yes this is how you got to do it guys get my book you know these guys you ever watch these videos get my book yeah i think more like how to be comfortable with yourself around women yeah at 25 i would think that but if you're like 35 by choice you didn't want to have sex because whatever i'm like yeah

man don't have sex yeah more for me if you're a religious person and like that's your reason then like if you're a marriage and that's cool man good call good for you i wish you uh the best yeah no i uh yeah that's just my, what do you guys think? Do you? I work with a guy that I think might have been gay. Not that there's any issue with it, but like, he definitely wasn't out. And he just seemed to not ever have a girlfriend when he could have, you know? And he's professionally successful, good looking guy.

I have seen girls that hypothetical single me would have been like, let get on board with this that uh that he just sort of declined and i'm like i wonder if he's i think he wasn't out to himself that's what i think yeah yeah i don't know maybe he was used i mean if he was gay and he was embracing his gay life at not work hours because who knows maybe he went home and was like, I am, I'm loving it, you know? And just going around like he definitely was not a virgin.

Gay guys have way more partners than not. If they're not out to themselves. Yeah. But I don't know. You probably can't gauge how out he is based on how he behaves at work. Maybe he just didn't feel comfortable there. I don't know though. I don't know this,

this fella could have been having orgies every night. We friends holly household or something yeah oh you were friends i thought you meant just like a guy at work you were kind of iron no we uh we went to lunch together almost every day and we talked and hung out and we just sort of you know we'd bitch about work if that was a thing going on and like so we were real friends and uh we work sometimes. One time he was blowing you and you were like, you might be gay. I got to ask you, Ted, a bratwurst every day? I just like sauerkraut. Yeah, but you're putting a lot of it in your mouth

and you're not biting it. You never seen you use a bun. I don't know. I always wondered. I think he wasn't out to himself I think that's the scoop and I always thought that was unfortunate yeah that stinks you were saying that that guy is

he could have had all these girls and he didn't you know he didn't do it on the flip side of that some of my like most annoying friends are the ones that are like you know like certain people are like obsessed with girls do you have a friend like that they come over you know, like certain people are like obsessed with girls. Do you have a friend like that? They come over, they're like,

yo, we got bitches tonight. Bitches, we gotta go out where there are gonna be girls there. So there's gonna be girls. Why don't we get girls here? Call up some girls. Do you have any friends like that? I have like five friends that are like their entire mission of every day, no matter what they do, is like girls, finding girls, getting girls.

We gotta get girls here. We gotta go to where there's girls in psych, bro. Shut up about girls is like girls finding girls, getting girls. We've got to get girls here. We've got to go to where there's girls in psych, bro. Shut up about girls. Oh, go ahead, Kitty. Let me just wind back the clock eight years or so to the lake house Harley where we ended up going to random bars to try and find said girls.

I'm talking about him. I actually saw someone on my Facebook recently and I'm like clicking. I'm like about him. I actually saw someone on my Facebook recently and I'm like clicking. I'm like, who the fuck is this person? I like click. I like click back. I click back. I'm like, I have no idea who this girl is.

How is she my friend? Click, click, click, click. Boom. It's like me, Kyle and her and Kyle's kitchen. I'm like, oh yes. Oh, that one. Wasn't the one we called the police on or the one we didn't call the police on?

I think it was the one we didn't call the police on. So she was only semi. Yeah, she was a lawyer. Remember, she was going to be a lawyer. The one that was on her knees. Yeah, anyway. Oh, what? I have so many terrible stories.

Well, don't let us hold you back. Holly, we could write a book. You're right. It ended since college, but in college there was always the guy or the little group, a couple guys who you could never just be like, oh, it's

a Friday. It's a Friday evening. We're just having a chill night. It's not a party night. We're watching football on Sunday. It's a Friday evening. We're just having a chill night. It's not a party night. We're going to have some beers and hang out and watch a hockey game or whatever the hell. There's always guys like, dude, I'm texting some girls. Everybody needs to text some girls and get some girls over here.

And it's like, first of all, you always say this. And if any girls do show up, it's going to be the ones we text because you behave weird around them. And no, no, we don't want them here right now this is just having fun watching sports like that guy bothers me like i'm polished i'm almost like damn chill out man you're talking shit about your past self harley a little bit yeah it was very brief though brief period it was like it was like before like before emt like even like before that i'd be like let that. I'd be like, let's go get girls. I'm 19. Let's get girls.

Oh, if you're 19. But now I'm like 30. It's like I go and I go. It's like, you know, we get girls. And it's like, God damn, man. They're 12 years younger than you now. Yeah. Where were you for 9-11?

Well, my dad had just came and my mom. And I was just a mistake there was uh i forget which community there's community with a great bit about um like masturbating between tower one and tower two does anyone know what i'm talking about i know what you're talking about i don't know what you've got like a good bit between like how we started masturbating out the first time but then the second one fell was Was it Louis C.K.? I think so. One of his really early ones. Oh, no. Tell me how it goes.

I don't remember the joke. I just remember... I think it might have been... You are the worst. I don't remember the joke either. I remember laughing like a crazy concept and I missed the punchline. Well, sorry. Remember that joke that none of us remember

that was really funny? Oh, man. My buddy sent me like, he's American, not Canadian, but he sent me a ton of 9-11 memes yesterday. And like followed up with 9-11 memes yesterday. And followed up with, 9-11 gets better every year. I just thought the text on the thread itself was so ridiculous.

It was like a ton of jokes, and then just, this gets better every year. And I was like, yep. Well, it gets more acceptable every year. We're now almost 20 years gone by, and the memes are coming. Well, people are going to make jokes about it forever. I don't say the F word, and I don't

tell 9-11 jokes. I've heard you say fuck 100 times. Not that F word. Oh. No, you can't. There can't be more than one F word. Have that be some other word. No, because we can fucking say fuck. Okay, you know which F word we're talking about. Kitty already said it because she's allowed because it's referring to something specific in her kooky country.

That's the number one thing about British culture that I think is great, is that hearing them be like, oh, can I? There was this English guy from like two summers ago, and he was staying in the same apartment complex as my friend and my buddy would was a pretty heavy smoker and every time that guy would come over and be like hey can i bum a fag or whatever it was just like oh you're like this guy yeah i almost felt like he was saying it too much because he was like i can say this because yeah he was probably milking it i'll tell you like there was a funny like language barrier on my first trip to the states like we

ended up the journey just went to shit we ended up like emergency landing it was like 29 hours i ended up landing at like half past four in the morning and um so we go to like IHOP and we're standing there waiting to be served and this larger but very old lady kind of scoots past me and is like I'm sorry dear my fanny's not as small as it used to be that means vagina so I'm retching. And like Devin, who is my father, is just like... my vagina's not as small

as it used to be. Yeah, right? So I'm like... Big vagina energy? Sorry, dear. I've got a loose cooter. But that's what I thought she was saying.

Because I didn't know that that means butt here. And I just was like, my God, Americans really are as vulgar as everyone says. You're like, this bloody cunt is vulgar. Yeah, that's funny. Cuss better than you guys, though. Yeah, in some ones. Yeah, bollocks is a good curse, for sure.

Bollocks is amazing. All of my knowledge of British curses come from when I got really into Top Gear. And I just thought that Jeremy Clarkson was hilarious. And actually, all three of them were funny with their little British hilarity quips. Very good. When they drove through Alabama with a we love

gay... NASCAR sucks. Hillary Clinton for president. And there were these good old boys walking threateningly at them. That was funny. I'm going to go look that up. I actually haven't seen that.

That's a good show to binge watch if you've never seen it before. threateningly at them and it was funny. I'm going to go look that up. I actually haven't seen that. Yeah, it's great. That's a good show to binge watch. If you've never seen it before. Oh no, I have. I've seen it a bunch. I love it. I've been on an episode of Top Gear. Have you? What'd you do? Top Gear USA. Top Gear USA. Oh!

I did get to go I got to go in the car with what's his name the cool dude Matt LaVoie no wasn't he on Top Gear USA yes he was no the guy still the same guy with the helmet that drives very well

yeah I got to go around the course with him with him driving and that was that was really cool because he's like the only thing i knew about the show because i have a buddy who's obsessed with cars so i got to go down there and like drive around and be there for like a taping of the show and stuff and like there's like one segment where like he took like five people around the track and drove like a maniac well the opposite of a maniac he drove what kind of car did he drive uh i have a picture

on my instagram i forget was it uh fast or like a nissan sentra well they had it's funny you say that they had a toyota minivan there but they put like the craziest engines in it so like the minivan even though it wasn't a fast car, ended up being crazy fast. However, I don't remember what this car was. I know they had a crazy-ass skyline there that I remember just looked badass. But I'm trying to pull up the picture. Oh, here it is. I took a picture.

Maybe you guys can tell me what the car is there. The little black one? It looks to be a sedan. Is it a Ford GT? Yeah, maybe. Amir, it's a Ford? Front looks different to the GT. Oh, I thought it was on the other side. Amir said it's a Ford, so he said it's a Ford GT.

Yeah, but the shape of the front didn't quite look like a GT. Okay. In my head, they're leaning against the side of the door, and I didn't even see the front, but I'm not really certain. You guys work on finding the car. We'll come back to it, but we have something very important from our friends at Squarespace. This episode of PK is brought

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That's some good advertising if someone takes advantage of it very good advertising so get your ass over there and make yourself a website you're trying to make money i need to finish mine man yes well see we've got someone right on the show squarespace using your service and kitty lay out exactly how fucking easy it is oh yeah it really is easy it's easy it is i think that's why i feel like if it was harder i would sit down and get it done but because it's so easy i'm like i'll do it tomorrow i'll do it tonight i'll do it tomorrow it so easy, you'll procrastinate. That should be their tagline. It's so easy,

you can cram it in. Nice. So check out squarespace.com slash pk. Did we decipher the mystery car? No, we abandoned that. When he said it was a Ford, I think I got really lucky with my Ford GT. The biggest thing was I didn't give a shit.

Top Gear. It's such a waste. There are people who love cars. There are people who's like, that would be a lifetime highlight. And then they put you on the show instead. But I had seen Top Gear before.

Oh, well, never mind. Well, it's not a waste at all. It is. And I also, it's not a waste at all. It is. And I also, like, it's not like I'm completely unfamiliar with cars. But, like, there's, like, an element of, yeah, you're going to watch fucking Top Gear. You're going to watch it because you love cars. We got you, bitch. We got you by the balls, Woody.

You're never going to come here because we know you're going to watch the show. You're never going to come here because we know you're going to watch the show. But this guy that halfway gives a shit, we're going to put the effort into him to make sure he fully gives a shit. That's a terrible idea. We're going to get viewers one by one. We're going to take people who don't give a fuck and put them on the show to make them watch themselves. It's like when I used to get like, I'd get calls to play test for Ubisoft. So they'd call me and they'd be like um so uh what kind of games do you play and i'd be like i play every game and they're

like how often do you play i'm like i game a ton and i'd be like okay thank you and i'm like you don't need me and they'd be like no and i'd be like what the hell and it's like they want to know or they want to show what it'll be like to someone who's like how often do you game on my iphone sometimes now obviously for me i'd be like what i want to play who's like how often do you game on my iphone sometimes now obviously for me i'd be like what i want to play assassin's creed early i'm the biggest gamer ever and it's like yeah that's right bitch we know you want to play it early you already got your copy pre-ordered we don't care what you think we care about the people that maybe don't know about it you know what i mean it's like they want to bring in like the whole thing was like i had to do like a vlog

about it and like tweet About it as well. It was like my audience were males, but we don't talk about cars So it was like maybe to bring in new car people or some shit like that I want everyone the comment section. No, I get paid every time I'm on PKA. I want, Kitty, are you getting paid right now? I'm getting paid. I'm kidding. I'm not. They're paying for like my next 10 years worth of tea.

Yeah, Kitty books this for me. I'm giving her a kickback. She's getting paid off me from the, no, I'm joking. Yeah, and that one, it was a really cool job. I did get paid. And you want to know what was really interesting about that scenario? Was I got there, and I had a bit part on it, like a really small part,

but there was a bigger part on the show. Like a whole guest, like being the guest on the show. And the guest on the show was, this is going to sound like such a douchey moment here, but whatever, I don't care. Fuck it. And last time everyone said I was on drugs, and they said I was too loud anyway, so I don't care. Fuck it. Last time everyone said I was on drugs and they said I was too loud anyway, so I don't care. Fuck them.

The segment person they chose was Aaron Carter. You guys know Aaron Carter? Yeah, I know Aaron Carter. He was cool as shit when I was in middle school. Yeah, he slammed Dunked on Shaq. Yeah. He was the guest and when I saw him not only were we almost dressed exactly like,

which would have been, which just says a lot about me and what I'm doing in my life. But we were there and he, you know, I introduced myself. I took a picture with him because he slammed dunks on Shaq. And the guest audience, the TV audience came in. They all came in. And when they came in, they saw us in the show people everyone's sitting there except for matt leblanc but like we're all there and everyone

came and took pictures with me but not really anyone did with aaron and then my rep like turned to the producer and was like i told you i told you he's a bigger deal than aaron carter it didn't matter that you didn't know who and i was like there for it i was like this I told you. I told you he's a bigger deal than Aaron Carter. It didn't matter that you didn't know who. And I was like there for it. I was like, this is hella awkward. Like apparently they were like, he should be the guest on the show, not the bit segment.

And they were like, oh, we got Aaron Carter. Fuck this YouTube nobody. And she was like, but he does, he wraps his dick in bacon. And the kid's like. And they were like, no, he's ugly, whatever. But then the people came in and they were like no he's he's ugly whatever but but then the people came in and they were like they're like hey bacon gay bacon epic meal time video game high school and like taking pictures with me and like then they had this little debate there and i was like

this is like a cool moment because it's like i'm here being like yeah yeah tell him you should have got me but at the same time i'm also realizing that like aaron carter's like I'm here being like, yeah, yeah, tell him you should have got me. But at the same time, I'm also realizing that like Aaron Carter is like way higher build than I am. And it's like everything I've been doing for like the last 10 years. It's like it doesn't matter what you did. You didn't slam dunk on Shaq like Aaron Carter did in 1996. Aaron Carter was a boy band. Fuck you, Harley. People don't know Aaron Carter was in a boy band, right?

His brother, Nick Carter, was in a boy band. Aaron Carter's his younger brother who had his own solo career. His brother was in the Bank Street Boys and then he was a solo career who sang that song about candy. Yeah, my boy band knowledge is very, very extensive. That's for the next podcast you bring me on.

We can talk about all that shit. We'll go into it in depth. Let's do the whole four hours talking about who the cutest boys are. Don't fucking threaten me with a good time. I'll fuck you slow right now. Wait, slow? Dude, the huge thing now seems to be, and I only know it exists because of Twitter,

is Korean or South Korean boy bands. Like, every time one of them sneezes, it's trending on Twitter worldwide. I don't know what they sing, but they must be fucking. I do not know what they sing. Because I never looked into it. Why would you look into something? K-pop. Yes.

Yeah. It's massive. You cannot comprehend the reach that those bands get. Isn't Harley like a massive BTS fan or something? Thank you. I didn't want to have to post the link myself, but yeah, there it is. What's BTS?

Yeah, I was going to say, I'm pretty sure Harley's always like, oh, BTS, I want their dicks in my mouth. Absolutely never, ever say that again, Kitty. I'll fucking kill you. We'll talk about them like that. We'll talk about their dicks. They're not some shitty, scummy American band.

These guys are fucking gods and goddesses, maybe. We don't know. their dicks. They're not some shitty, scummy American band. These guys are fucking gods and goddesses, maybe. We don't know. I have never heard. We don't talk about their genitals. Come on. I have never heard their music, so I will not judge. But I know that Harley is a fan. If you did, you would be under the curse.

No, I actually, so I like, I do like, I find BTS fascinating. I only know the name of them because of all this Twitter. I went hard for a couple years now. I like Indian music, Bollywood music. We spoke about that last time. It was the perfect amount of cringe.

We were talking about it. Just their culture and the differences in how they dance or what they'll show on camera just ends up being cringy. But damn, some of that music is fire. And I like that they even like this site also.

They're like, Harley did an AMA on the BTS website. But yeah, I said that I was the fan club president of BTS, which is a K-pop band. And all these girls were freaking out, little girls a K-pop band. And all these,

uh, like girls were freaking out little girls. They were like mad. And they like, they're like, you can't be the band. You're white. Fuck white people.

Oh yeah. Their, their audience was super racist at the time. That's pretty funny. And, uh, and I was like, well,

if any of you bitches want to be the fan club president, you have to fight me for it. So select your champion. And if no one can physically beat me, then power rules. I will be the president of the BTS fan club. Select your champion. That is great.

I was like, select your champion. Is it you? I'm literally talking to a 12-year-old girl. I'm like, is it you? I'll come to you. I'll fight you. I'll fight all four of you. I'll humiliate you in front of your parents.

Yeah, but the reason why I like that stuff, the reason why I like it is I'm a fan of the pinnacle of something, regardless of what it is. I like the maximum. So if I go and I see a superhero movie that everyone hates and it costs $250 million and everyone's like, it sucks, don't go see it. A part of me hates and it costs like $250 million. And everyone's like, it sucks.

Don't go see it. A part of me is still like, but $250 million were spent. Some of the best actors are in it. You know, if the movie didn't come together, fine. It was still so much effort put together.

I want to see the spectacle of it. These guys are like trained from birth. Like imagine if, uh, imagine if like, like Spartans, like selected at birth, the ugly ones cast aside, tossed off a cliff. That's what they do. And they train them, and they train them, and at a certain age, they start putting them in bands and fitting them together until they create these bands. Sometimes a band pops, and this band just happened to pop. But all these people have been training to do this since they were children.

And now they have a music video that's like the best director in the country there or in that side of the world is directing this music video. They're wearing clothes like put on them by the best fashion designers in the world wearing like the most expensive designer clothing and like their faces are like touched up with like the best surgeons in the world wearing like the most expensive designer clothing and like their faces are like touched up with like the best surgeons in the world you're just looking at like like if you're watching basketball or football and you're like here's humans being the best at football here's humans being the best at basketball here's humans being the best at whatever the fuck this is that's us being the best at it you know and it's asian and we don't really know what

they're saying but do you ever fucking care what half of these pop songs are saying anyways you know what i mean not at all you exactly not at all exactly but like you know the point is it's just like i like to see that it's like the best of something the maximum like the top tier and i get that maybe it's not something you're interested in, but you know, even if you take the show Top Gear and you show that to anyone, that show is good for everybody. Everyone will watch it. Even if you're not, oh, I don't like cars. That show, you could be like, yeah, but check it out. It's one of the best car shows ever, right? It's been on for like 20 years, something like that. Just like the best of something. Just like the best of something.

This is like Top Gear of boy bands if they were Korean and a little gay. You know that, as silly as it sounds, that actually helped me understand what this was all about. I feel like kiddies are like, not me.

Nope. So I decided I'm the tea guy now. not me. Nope. Nope. Let me get So I decided I'm the tea guy now. I need to think of something else cool to get into. Tea, the tea, the drink. Yeah. Earl Grey. You like Earl Grey? I like Earl Grey.

I like any kind of tea. I just don't really drink coffee very often. Real tea. Like get some Tetley, some Yorkshire, some Earl Grey. Yorkshire? That sounds stupid. It does. You mean it sounds good, eh?

It's a builder's tea. It's very strong. A builder's tea? Like it's for construction? Yeah. In England, we have these teas like a breakfast tea will be kind of light and then you have like a builder's tea where you will joke that it's so strong the spoon will

stand up in it. It's just a darker tea. It's a lot more strong. You guys are great with jokes. Carry on. I know. We're amazing. Everyone has I want to cut you. Spoon standing right up in the cup, it is. It's a building, Steve.

I've never seen one. Again. Again. Do it again. One more. Be very serious about their tea. So, yeah. I like it. Yeah. The british accent's too hard so i just do the mary

poppins guy the ridiculous terrible bastardization of it that's what kyle does if ever like i'm like telling him he should have done something or he hasn't done something he should have or whatever he'll just look there and then just grin and just go full-on mary poppins at me and then run sounds like a quality guy i think the word you're looking for is cunt a bloody one he's a bloody cunt. It sounds bad in my accent. It does. Yeah, it sounds awful.

You can't say it as well. No. What else do you know about Kyle's, how he's doing now? So he's losing weight. He's not lifting. He's not moving. He's out of audio content. He's reading.

He just sounds bored. He's just sleeping, watching TV and reading books. He can't have audio books. Those aren't a thing that are allowed in prison. His calls are restricted to like 15 minutes. So Chiz and him max out a lot, but we all know they're in some weird romance thing that they've got going on. When Kyle calls me, it's pretty boring. It's,

Admin, are you alive? Do you need money? Have you been shanked? Did you make a shank? Yeah, you make him a shank and you bring it in in a cake for his two-month prison sentence. I mean, getting shanked in a minimum security prison two month prison sentence. I mean, getting shanked in a minimum security prison is pretty

hilarious to think about. Like he wouldn't share the scrap. They didn't agree on if foreign languages were allowed in Scrabble. Literally, you went to go throw your tray out in the cafeteria and someone went to throw out theirs and the knife flipped and

cut you a little bit there. They're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You're like, you just shanked me in prison. You just shanked me. I am so sorry about that. I would never intentionally shank you. But yeah, I mean he seems fine. Obviously he would be happier at home, but

he seems to be dealing with it pretty well um he did not appreciate any of my tips from watching locked up or orange is a new black um he could have got us some lesbian sex if you follow them he didn't appreciate any of my tips from oz like beware the nazi that's going to tattoo your ass on the first day yeah as far as i'm aware he still has his hair um i'm not sure about the tattoo situation um but we'll find out soon i can't help but imagine him like taking his shirt off and having a huge swastika tattoo in the middle of the yard and starting to bench press just to like you know fall into that class so he knows his people i know he's on he's in connection with them

the funniest way to think about that is if he goes in there and he does that and there are no nazi gangs they're like hey uh would you put your shirt on your tattoos are quite offensive you're making the rest of us real uncomfortable man like yeah it's just terrible i know i know jose you know 10 10 fucking churros from the commissary to do that for you but even he was saying he hated every bit of it what what if he's the one making what if he's the bad influence it's like we can't do that you're not supposed to do that he's like hey here's how you make a shrink guys gather around let me show you how to do this.

Let me show you how to do bad boys in prison. Yeah, and I'm sure some people, like, recognize him straight off as well. But, I mean, the place was pretty chill. Like, when we pulled in, there was a guard there, and he was like, you're a little early for visiting. Are you visiting? And Kyle was like, yeah, I'm visiting for, you know, 60 days. visiting and Kyle was like, yeah, I'm visiting for, you know, 60 days. And the guard was like, you know, he laughed and he was like,

you'll be all right. We're all right in here. What do they eat? What's lunch uh shit from what i can understand the food is not great but then this is kyle who thinks i don't know why kyle's complaining about the food actually having seen his postmates he pretty much lives off taco bell oh fuck taco bell's great i'd imagine prison wait how how like can he get like as much as he wants like can he like have more and be like i want some more each month what he's allowed to spend exactly thank you you can't have it your ramen shall be cut off prison was terrible. All my shits were solid. I was looking up prison cookbooks

that you could make stuff out of, like commissary, but they're all hardcover, and you can't send hardcover books into a prison. So you can smoke in prison? Is that a thing? No. You can't smoke in prison. Huh.

I thought smoking was like the cool Huh. I thought smoking was like... I thought that was the money. I thought cigarettes were their dollars. I think it's ramen noodles now. Really? Yeah, you're smoking ramen noodles. No, ramen noodles are the currency. No, I think because it's a federal smoke.

I think if it was like a Georgia state, you probably could. Okay. This whole town is just jails. Like there's a medium security, the federal minimum. And then beside that is like the county jail. That's pretty lame. They should let you smoke.

You're already in jail. Come on. Hey, let them have a cigarette. Wrong, but I don't think you can. What if he comes out cured of cigarette addiction? That'd be cool, right? I don't think he smokes

as much as you think he smokes anyway. I don't know. He was doing the Juul for a while, but then he got worried about his lungs exploding. So he went back to good old Marlboro. Good old Marlboro smooths.

Or whatever he smokes. I don't remember. Or smoked. I'm sure he'll have some interesting ramen recipes for when he gets back. I'm excited to hear about all the lifelong friends he made. I wonder if that is a...

So when the military people bond, and part wonder if that is a, like, so in the military, people bond. And part of the bond is because they're in like a really, really awful situation together. And that environment creates a bond between soldiers. Prison, it would seem like could also sort of create a bond. Now maybe his environment's not as awful as other prisons,

but I wonder if there's some guy there that he's like you know the two of them are going through something awful side by side yeah maybe i don't know yeah we'll see in a short month you'll find out in a few weeks so you know yeah his um release date is public that's a thing everyone knows, right? Yeah, it's easy to look up. It's out there, so I don't bother hiding it. But yeah, it's coming up in a few weeks. Right. Well, I'm excited to hear from my friend, Kyle.

Yes. Same. All right. Are there any outros, Taylor? There are no outros. We hit all of our wonderful sponsors already Harley, Kitty anything you want to tell our audience I wasn't fucked up last week you dummies

you just had too much coffee this time I didn't I was like I guess I won't and now they're like Harley didn't say enough I had coffee i did not go buy my stuff at one tree lane soapery on etsy boom one tree lane get it all right pka four five six