Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #457

Episode Date: September 27, 2019

In this week's PKA, this week's show our good friend and vodka water addict himself, Tucker aka JERICHO, is back. To discuss Taylor's new TWO DOG situation with the fellas, talk about some fast cars and rank all the best candies from top to bottom. Because this is PKA, and it doesn't take itself all that seriously... which is a positive!

pka 457 taylor oh with our guest tucker taylor this episode of pka is brought to you by squarespace casper mattresses and blue chew it's good to have you on again tucker it feels like we were just hanging out yeah i think it was what was it like a little over a month ago when i was last on so yeah all the favorites are getting recycled because i could just picture like i was i was glad not to have jizz's job when kyle went to prison because I could tell how stressed he was getting when he was just like, I'm firing out all these invites. And it's like the same revolving door of our six closest show friends who agree. But how many times are they willing to do that for us? So we appreciate it.

And Kyle, if he weren't in prison. He'd be grateful, too. He would be very you know he is grateful he's not dead he's just he's allowed to be grateful in prison we should have been talking way more shit on kyle during his prison days he will never go back and watch this episode series never he's gonna go back and pop in and be like oh those two guys that i spend like five or six hours a week shooting the shit with i want to hear them talk like of course not like right so many possibilities frittered away or i guess he's got uh what is it three more weeks after four more weeks no i it's like week five i'm just counting it by the number of PKA's we've done without them I think this is the 5th one it's incalculable

it's incalculable there's no possibility we can't know that is your background different than usual Tucker or am I an idiot I usually have a green screen that I chroma key out but I don't have any way of doing that anymore because I use a different program now

for my camera I'm going to have to of doing that anymore because I use a different program now for my camera. Oh, okay. I'm going to have to figure all that stuff out soon. What different camera program? So you're not using OBS? What are you... No, now it works just fine because I have an internal capture card

that I use with my camera. But prior to that, the range of the camera was too much for Skype or whatever we were using prior to Discord. So I couldn't just use my camera. I had to open up XSplit and then screen cap XSplit and then send it to you guys. Yeah. Just to make something 10% better can be four times the work.

You just hope people appreciate it. Truly, truly. But here we are. And now it's perfect. It's easy. Cool. Nice. I can't not bring it up we should be talking about tucker right now but taylor's getting a second dog yeah i literally took like yeah i was for like one day i was like he's so me and my girlfriend

are out working most of the days you know most of the day every weekday we're gone and i was like dogs are kind of like appliances they just turn off until you get home and they they're fine and then like after a few days i was like man he seems like like he's really freaking out when i leave and he's clearly clearly just, like, scared to death. Like, he grew up on a farm with all his brothers and sisters. And, like, to be alone in a new house, pretty scary for him. And so I was like, this dog is so fucking small. Should we backtrack a touch?

I think we've only talked about your dog on PKN. Maybe. I got a 10. I have no idea that you had a dog. Teddy! That'll work. Maybe. I got a 10. I have no idea that you had a dog. Teddy! That'll work. He doesn't know come yet. He doesn't know Teddy either.

He knows Teddy. If you say that, he'll tick his ear and you can tell. Oh, but would clicking or making kissing noises be any different? I can see him. Yes.

That's how we train our dogs, to come on the sixth attempt. No, he's like ten weeks old, super, super little. Ender, come here. Please. He's a half Cavalier King Charles. Cavalier King Charles. Cavalier King Charles. I need to...

Look at that. That's a real kind of dog. I thought the breeder was being cheeky with me. That's a real kind of little dog. And he's half poodle, so he's never going to shed, and you won't sneeze when you're around him, which is why I wanted half poodle with just kind of anything. And I like...

I'm a little dog person. I'm not any kind of dog person, but I like little dogs especially. The most recent family dog I had was a little Bichon, and he was small, and he died. So I figured a nice little way to resuscitate tobo is to get teddy and then so he's been here for like five or six days but he's still having trouble acclimating to all the alone time and so i figured my girlfriend and i figured like we may as well go buy one of his brothers or sisters. And so they have some company throughout the day. So he's less likely to get depressed or sad or tear stuff up as he's acting

out. And so tonight we're having his, uh, his brother Fozzie delivered. And so, yeah, he'll, he'll be showing up tonight.

Yeah. So Fozzie should make an appearance on the show. Uh, he, it, I don't know how late it's going to be, but hopefully, yeah. Hopefully he'll make an appearance on the show. At some point when I get up to pee, I'll hunt down Teddy, snag that little fucker, bring him in here.

And, yeah, he's – I thought that potty training dogs, and maybe this is what it's like some of the time, is like they're pissing all over the place 24-7. Like just pissing, shitting. You try and take him out to go and then he won't. And you bring him inside and he like looks at you and just pees. And this dog has not done that once. He like my girlfriend got home earlier than I did today.

And she said that he'd been home for six hours by himself, seven hours. And as soon as she got home, she took him out. He pissed and shit right away. Like the kind of shit like when you're as us humans are like, we pull into the driveway faster than usual. I can close the garage door on the way back. And you run in. He just like fired out a hot shit, which for him,

another reason I was comfortable with two little dogs that are like 10 pounds total or 10 pounds each is like a big shit for them is like uh i was gonna say king size tootsie roll not even not even those like shitty ones with like four brake lines in it yeah for whoever's breaking and segmenting their tootsie roll consumption oh boy you can't have too much of this tootsie roll you better not overdo it just one square today yeah it's like even if he does shit, as long as he doesn't have diarrhea or green apple splatters or something, it's just like a little nugget.

And so thankfully, hopefully Fozzie isn't a complete cunt. And if it turns out that Teddy was the smart one and he bamboozled us into rescuing and saving Fozzie from that beautiful farm and that loving family. This is like the dog version of chain migration. He's like, I got out. Hey, Fozzie, come in here.

Find a really nice place, and I'm not comfortable with you without my brother. My name is Fozzie. So Fozzie's coming. I don't think I'm going to change the name Fozzie. I kind of like that. I've never heard that before. And I figure you need to keep maybe this is wrong but i feel like dogs if the consonants in their names are too similar like if i had a tommy and a teddy like i feel like they'd both

get bam like confused if i was like like they're probably both come there's a t and a y and you know they does that make sense to you? Whereas Fozzie is so different from Teddy that they wouldn't get confused. I don't think you'd have that big of an issue. Neither one of these dogs is going to be that well-trained. First of all, it's not going to be like life and death.

It's not like you've got to be really quiet. It's like, all right, if one of you comes when you're not supposed to, I get shot. The worst case scenario, you have two dogs come to you it's like okay that's true what do i do if the dogs if first of all if he forgets that that's his brother over the he's only been here for like four or five days that he's an idiot but yeah i wouldn't think he would what if they start humping each other how do i break up my dog incest? You don't. Why do you break up your dog incest is my first question. Why do I not like it?

Yeah, you're being a little judgy. You're right. I'm trying to be more progressive, and that means full-throated endorsement for dog incest. And people incest. Thank you. So, yeah, we'll see how it goes. It's been way easier than I thought so far.

All he wants to do is snuggle with you. And rolling on their belly, that means they're being like, does that just mean they want belly pads, or does it also mean they're being really submissive? Do you mean rolling on their back? Yeah, rolling on their back and showing the belly. Yeah. Is that both of those things?

I mean, it varies from dog to dog, right? Like, if my dog rolls over on his back like in the morning i walk in and and he's he's eight and he'll see me coming and he'll roll like roll on his side he definitely wants me to go over there and you know give him some love but yeah yeah like my dog rolls on his back and shows his gigantic great dane cock just to dominate the household really does your dog still have dog balls or i guess just i'm just talking shit he doesn't it's not much there see that's the that's the one downside to owning a male dog is on the belly pats you have to be on dick patrol like all right so i my my my eight year old chow has never humped a thing in his entire life he's never humped anything i've never

seen him hump anything i've never seen his dick touch his dick has never he's dick has never gotten hard i don't know what the like he's he's like an asexual dog i thought all dogs just fucked everything yeah i've had the dog for five days for five days i've already seen him hung another dog like my my girlfriend's sister has a big australian shepherd well a female thank god i why I did not want a gay dog. And it was just like 10 times the size. And immediately, Teddy just goes over and starts fucking going at it. Good for him. His little lipstick's out.

Do you have a question for Taylor, our anti-circumcism hypocrite? Are you getting your dogs fixed? Yeah. The lady with the sad song on tv told me it's not a person it's not sarah mclaughlin isn't the person that's telling you it's no there was another one marker or whatever yeah it's some old person who's like you're killing you you're a dog murderer and rapist if you don't get your dog's balls cut off and like i'm going to do that seems easier and it's not a person we're different we're above animals we can make look at us we're talking

on computers he doesn't know that is a fair point yeah sentient i'm just not sure taylor's a great dog owner he's chopping off his balls he doesn't give what i call full service belly rubs as he's careful for the cock location i i don't know if you if i'd want to be your dog oh i'm a lot of fun i'm a lot of fun he likes me i'll like i'll like ask him questions in a tone almost use like this is just my normal speaking tone like this and i'll ask like the news will be on i'll like, can you believe what Trump is doing? And kind of look at me inquisitively and kind of give like a, I want to know what you're saying, but I am a dog. My IQ is probably like 31.

I'm not sure what you're saying, but I, I'm on your team. But like Tucker, when you're giving your dog belly rubs, you just don't go far enough down to touch the dick because that area between the sides of dick and their legs, they like rubbed.

But you have to go like that with a dog. You would like this with a dog. You do exactly what now? I just rub his belly. I don't jerk my dog off. I don't rub my dog's inner thighs. I don't care how much he needs that scratch. He gets here, chest rubs.

Not even belly, just chest rubs. So no ass play. Maybe he's a better dog owner than I thought. Everything's on the table. Except being gay. Wait, is it gay if you jerk your own dog's dick? Like, if you jerk your dog off, are you gay? No, that's normal behavior.

That's fine. No, that's normal behavior that's fine no that that that's a catch-22 that actually makes my dog gay no but that but you you're just i'm just a man with a job just trying to have some fun relieve some stress exactly that's all this is so yeah i'm having fun with it so far i would if i had a dog like woody's which how big is a chow that's a little guy right he's like 60 pounds but he's like oh like like he's he's big but he's not like uh not like golden retriever half a golden retriever okay like yeah even something that big like 60 pounds yeah i would not be comfortable having two of those definitely not comfortable having too many horses like woody has a great dane we used to have a 60

pound dog he was like a small lab and he just had one ball yeah and they're like you know usually there's another ball around somewhere we'll we'll let you know if we find it when we get a fix and they're like yeah sure enough it was kind of in his belly so he had a unit oh it was just hanging out i thought you meant you were like put the neutering on a payment plan. And you got halfway done. You're like, well, we lowered the odds. Let's go with it. No, no.

Yeah. Like we could see when we got him. We're like this dog seems to have one testicle. And they're like, yeah, I guess it's not that uncommon. But when they neutered him, they hunted around and his testicle just never left his belly like it hadn't descended or something and that ended up being a huge benefit for him because like did he get to keep that ball oh no no they they found it and removed it they ripped it from him okay well scratch that there's something actually if you're gonna neuter your dog there's

is it called spade or scab or sped um spade is for females scab there's a a service is it safe um dude basically they go around in like an rv and neuter dogs and you'd think that this is like cut rate not very good medical service but in reality these guys do like you know 1500 of these operations a year and they just become neutering and fixing and when we're not neutering dogs it's actually a food truck everyone in this episode is going to be hispanic that's what we've set the toner we set the toner i want to give my dog when i neuter him comically large nudicles like those fake testicles you can get for dogs.

Just get some Great Dane ones and put them in your 10-pound dog. Some just grade A, double extra large egg size things on a 10-pound dog. His balance is thrown off. He can't walk right. Well, if you're not like, I think it was maybe it was like Robin Bigger. It was something like, you know, some TV show, but their dog had giant nuts. Like it was a french bulldog or a pit or a pug or a pit bull or something like that but just massive disproportionately sized

balls and he would like sit on them and like yelp you know like it didn't look fun i was not like feeling like oh that dog has some great balls he was like that's a problem yeah poor thing it was probably a bulldog those Those things always look uncomfortable. Yeah. Like we bred them to be like, what, what, how much more can we spit in the face of God?

Bulldogs are bred in the image of Alex Jones. Like, like they just, they, I feel like they're cut from the same cloth. They're super wide. And just very, this is what happens when you spend hundreds of years

prioritizing neck thickness and girth. You get his elite animal. He's an elite animal. Look at this. He eats bone broth every day. Me and my pug, we actually use the same inhaler. Alex Jones seems like the kind of guy similar to a bulldog that would wheeze a lot during normal conversation yeah where you'd be like is there a gas station near there and he's like well let me tell you where there's not a gas station area 51

because they won't let us in there oh jesus i should have just wazed it. Yeah. So the dog thing, I'm super psyched on it. He seems really friendly. I'm glad they're only 10 pounds. If they were any more than like 10 or 20 pounds each, I would not be cool with having two.

I looked it up. It's called SNAP. I forget what that stands for. I'm sure it's on the thing. And it looks like Missouri is different than North Carolina in that it's supposed to be

for like low-income families who otherwise wouldn't be able to afford the thing. But I sent you the link just in case it fits. In North Carolina, it's just like spay-neuter-assistance

program. I don't know. They just come around an RV, it's cheap, and they're very, very good at it because they do it all day. Nobody wants cats in their 2017 annual report is what I'm gaining from this. They took in 1,000 cats and euthanized 497 of them. Good. Let's get those numbers up those are rookie numbers

literally literally almost half of them three percent all right so this is like i don't know what like a good report here is but this pie graph is showing 52 of the cats were either killed or given back to the owner like like that's not a stellar track record this is like you know how in places for you know if you named a suburb two hours three hours from baltimore i wouldn't know i'd be like oh it's all maryland well i guess maryland's a much smaller state than missouri but this is south east missouri there is it is not it's shocking to me that that number of cats dead isn't higher people do not own cats in that part it's all farmers it's all rural it's like even the dogs my grandpa lives in southeast missouri and his dogs like never allowed in the house they're pure

utility dogs he calls his he has a male dog and a female dog named roger and molly and he'll like extol the value of roger we're like yeah he can find him he can find a pheasant anywhere he should drop right down he'll run out there grab it bring it bring it back. And he's like, and Molly? Molly, I'll let your youngest brother pick that one out, and that's the most retarded dog I've ever laid eyes on. It's beyond useless. I hate her. I just hate her. It's like a liability, another mouth to feed.

Yeah. And he's like, I'm like, well, she keeps Roger company. He's like, well, shit, wouldn't you know, Roger hates her too. I can tell. He knows she's retarded in there. Then I'll drop a couple N's and that's the end of the conversation with Grandpa.

I'll get my dog. I think you have to wait a couple months before you get their balls removed. You do. Or their pussy fixed. Scooped out. It sounds like you can do it yourself. You got the gist of it. It sounds like it is.

Just find some bootleg Chinese video on YouTube. Halfway through, I realize they're preparing a soup. Oh, no. I want to save onto these. These are very tasty. Do you remember that guy that wrote us

and we... He was going to college and he had sort of gotten his social life together, but he was living off campus. Yeah. He wrote back. I have an update and more questions. Are you guys down?

Yes. Do you want to catch Tucker up a little bit, if any, that's necessary. Or if it's reh Give me a little filler. This was a gentleman in high school. He wasn't really socially thriving and kind of turned it around. And now he's going to college. And he's like, look, I want the new me to have a better life. How do I make friends?

And he was living off campus. That was one of his obstacles. So I just want to say thank you for your advice you gave two weeks ago in regards to living off campus. I've made a good amount of friends since then. Good variety of type of friends too by just putting myself more out there.

I'm not meaning to pester you with too many questions. I promise this is the last, but I'm just wondering. I've never really tried it in high school. How do I pick up girls? Possibly getting to the sex stage too at some point. Is there some way I should act when talking to a girl to show in some way my intentions? I know you once said in a video being too nice all the time is not ideal.

Most importantly, I just have one big dilemma I keep thinking about. Oh, if I by some, get a girl in bed, would she possibly be turned off the moment she saw my old stretch marks around my hips? I used to be fairly overweight. My marks are still pretty visible. I'm just not sure a girl would be turned off by this. I'm not trying to get you to solve all my problems, just this last one. All right.

So I forgot. I left that out. He had lost a bunch of weight. weight good for him sounds like he's on the right track like the stretch mark thing you're thinking about those a thousand times more than she is so don't let that enter into your brain and fuck with your confidence uh as far as what you need to do it's i've said it but i think i might have said it last time it's a numbers game like think of it like a shotgun approach if you go up to a woman and you're talking to one woman every saturday night and you get shot down and you're letting that crush you until the following saturday or friday night you're not going to get very far because you're going to go in timid and not very

confident and the reason confidence is a trite bit of advice is because it works it fucking works women have a fucking sixth sense for that shit if If you're fumbling around and you're not being assertive, not rude. There's a difference between aggressive, assertive, and rude. You're just being assertive. You're taking up a correct amount of space. You're not shoulders hunched. Your body language isn't weird. It's just simple things like that. And don't get sucked into like pickup artist bullshittery because they do the same shit the diet industry does where they're like, actually, there's a new perfect way to lose 50 pounds in 10 days. And it involves this $30 book. It's like, oh, wow. Cool, man. So yeah, be confident. And a lot of the confidence isn't just faking it till you make it. A lot of it's going to come from things like working out, like continuing to lose weight, like sticking to a good diet. I've had a pretty not great diet in the last week. And I can tell it weighs on you a little bit. But when you get the right things rolling, it's not like you're going to have to fake it. You're going to genuinely feel confident. You'll walk around or you look at yourself in your new shirt and be

like, oh, man, I feel pretty good. I like, oh, I set a new PR for my bench today. Oh, I went out of my way to talk to people in class that just a year ago I would have thought, Oh, I said a new PR for my bench today. Oh, I went out of my way to talk to people in class that just a year ago I would have thought, Oh, they're going to think I'm weird. And, but also don't go into every engagement, like thinking that you're just trying to get laid. Like you don't want to come off creepy. It's okay to talk to people without the intention of getting late. Like, you know, a lot of the time, pretty much the vast majority of the times that I end up either hooking up with somebody or going out with somebody, it's people that I have run into multiple times across a, you know, either like a couple of weeks or even like a longer timeframe where it's like the first time you're just getting to know somebody and you're like, oh, I think she's cute or she's attractive. The next time it's like, well, I'd like to continue talking to that person. Like you don't have to go. I don't know. Everybody's different.

But I don't have any success stories about like going up and doing like a one and done. Like I just met you today and we're going to fuck tonight. Like that's not a thing that the vast majority of people can do. that the vast majority of people can do so i you know i wouldn't worry too much about like if you if you think that you know if you're worried about coming off as you know too hard or too heavy and being like oh she's gonna think i just want to have sex with her that's probably because that's what you want to do like you don't have to go in there every single conversation saying like end goal fucking it'd be just like increasing my social network sphere by one you know yeah that could be it.

The number one thing that's always worked for me is just get them laughing. If you can get a girl laughing, the battle's already half way won. But that's your core competency. I just like to get it. My kind of go-to mode is to show them my abs. If I show them my abs,

then really the panties drop right there. And it also is a good way to weed things out because I will tactfully, actually that's the wrong word, the opposite of tactfully, drop in an offensive joke like 15 minutes into a conversation if it's going well,

just to gauge response. Not too offensive. Not too offensive. Just something to make you like, i just like talk like this for like 40 minutes and she's still like oh my god like i how'd you know i loved anime or whatever yeah so if you make a funny joke you get them laughing and women appreciate that a lot that that will help you out tremendously and the confidence thing i used to like when i used to hear people say like when i

was like oh how am i gonna you know just go up to girls at sorority parties and not feel super intimidated and people were just like just be confident i'm like but what does that mean do i just start walking around like like papa hayek or do i wear cool sunglasses or something and then like over time you start to realize like oh it's like you have being confident means having to make meaningful changes in your behavior and lifestyle like if you're smoking pot all day and or drinking all day and your diet shit and your sleep schedule shit you're playing video games all night you're going i'm just not confident it's like well no shit man like you got to get these things worked out and it's going to start turning your favor so i think it's i think it's super overrated too like the the the the uh sorority

like if you go to a frat party a sorority party and you know and you go in there with the idea like me and my bros were going in there to fuck like you're going to a party to have fun at a party and a lot of the time that you're going to actually start conversation with people is incidental contact right like you're both getting a drink at the same time something happened where's the can i have the bottle opener there you go you're now in a conversation however how about you open up this pussy and then you're in dear penthouse letters you're totally right Ducker it's about capitalizing on small meaningful conversations

and not injecting yourself where you don't need to be that's going to make it hard for you and don't come off as thirsty if you are having a conversation with some girl and she makes it clear this has happened to me many times it's happened to every guy who's hit on girls at bars and parties many times where she'll kind of, you know,

if her feet aren't pointed towards you during the conversation, which shows that she's not fully invested and looking for a time to leave, notice things like that. Kind of just say, oh, I got to go do this. Just peace out. Just leave.

Don't be like, oh, you know, in 10 minutes, I'm going to bother her again. And this time I'll win her over. It's like there's a billion million fish in the sea. Just, you know, learn when to cut your losses. Don't become that weird guy with one itis who thinks that there's only one woman in the world for him. You know, and you've got to get Stephanie from Pi Phi Z, whatever the fuck sorority. And if not, oh, man, it's like life is an American pie.

Just be like a birdshot in a 20 gauge. Just all over the place. Shallow, but you're going to hit a lot of things. Exactly. Just say you love the office. Yeah. If you're in

college right now and you go to a party this weekend, ask what they think about the Area 51 raids which are going on right now. Talk about the office, debate pineapple and pizza and do all the things that people have no personality always gravitate to. Talk about sandwiches and lunch meats. It's great. Make fun of the pumpkin spice thing, because if you're talking to that can only win with a white girl this time of year because she'll either laugh and embrace the oh i am such a basic white girl i love pumpkin spice or she'll go oh god don't get me started on that i hate that and you've already endeared yourself a little bit bring a pack of pumpkin spice white claws to the party when you win pumpkin spice condoms it's a brilliant idea though come here and get some of this fall flavor.

You're not supposed to be the one eating them. It tastes like pumpkin and spermicide. What are you sucking on over there, Taylor? It's just like, ooh. He blows a balloon. The flavor never ends. Zero calories. Zero calories.

All this advice, you probably already knew all this stuff like and we're not geniuses at this it's just don't overthink it start to engage in behaviors get your sleep schedule right don't be you know partying too hard all the time don't you know eat like well yeah eat like shit it's really just behavioral things that will lead to more confidence if that's your hang-up but if you're you know feeling ripped ready and go ready ripped and ready to go then you're already fine like what he was right the whole ab thing i've never had abs but i've seen enough movies to know that it works really well and see it's funny like when it's beyond my window strangers what the fuck no it'll work and it'd be hype i wouldn't know but i highly doubt that i don't go showing your abs to strangers. What the fuck? No, it'll work. I wouldn't know.

I highly doubt that. I don't think I've ever seen that work. Maybe at the beach where it's like. You need 1% of your abs. I was just doing that because Taylor's like, oh, try being funny. It's like, well, yeah, this is an area that he can flex. But sometimes that offensive joke approach does not work. You will not realize you're with talking to someone who's like really progressive or something.

You dodged a bullet. See, I was about to lead to that. Thank you, Woody. It's like even then, it's not like, oh, you ruined it. It's like you wouldn't have worked with this person anyway. You would. You need like if that's your sense of humor which based on the fact you listen to this fucking show i'm sure we have similar senses of humor like you need to weed

the weed the losers out all the folks and the losers didn't trump tweet that on like 9-11 a few years ago he's like oh yeah 9-11 i'd like to remember all the pictures and fuck all the haters and losers. Something like that. Oh, that's so good. See, that guy smashes. Back in the day, he did. He had the billionaire card. $130,000 a smash,

but he did it. If you had like a billion dollars, scale $130,000 down to like $100K a year salary. So what's the magnitude? It'd be $130,000, right? $130,000? No, no.

Wait, did I do it wrong? $130,000, right? Oh, don't question your math based on my guess. I got $1,300,000, but I'm not sure. Hey. So let's see. A billion to $100,000 is... how many zeros is a billion at least five no it's eight eight and so 130 000 has one two three five so it'd be 130 bucks it's at least

nine zeros right it's nine digits it's eight zeros i think Let me just get out my abacus. Nine digits would be like a hundred million. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. It's ten zeros. I mean, ten digits, nine zeros. If it just takes ten zeros, then I'm a billion. This is my favorite bit. I was trying to figure this shit out. Bro, I dropped out.

You went to college and you did software engineering. I haven't done math in years. All right. So it's like somebody who has a million dollars spending $130 on sex. And it's like somebody who has $100,000 spending $13. Who's right? It's $13? Imagine spending $13 for sex with a-

Imagine $130,000 being like, I don't know, a drink at a club to you. I'm trying to scale it. That's so crazy. And that's only for $1 billion. At the time, how many did he have? Like five? Also, we're comparing net worth to annual income so that's not quite right you're right well i guess i don't want the fun yeah he was not earning

a billion a year that's for sure okay either way i think it's something like the difference between a million and a billion dollars like a million seconds is like a week ago but a billion seconds is like 1977 it's like it's like i know i happen to know this a million seconds is 11 days and a billion seconds is like 32 years 33 years yeah so that's like what the dude yeah it was eye opening like okay to me i just scale between millionaire and billionaire i'm like yeah you know like there are more, but yeah. It's like, oh, my God, no, there's so much more. It's in that realm of, like, the incomprehensible scale. You know, like, when somebody's like, the planet Earth is one, one millionth the size of the sun.

It's like, that does nothing. It's big. Like, I can't conceptualize something that massive. Same with billions of dollars. It's like, $92 billion is so much money. Yeah. I couldn't spend all that if I wanted. And I've got insane things I've thought up

that I could spend money on. Merge every professional athlete into the same sport. Oh my god. Call it the Super League. What would the sport be? See, I haven't thought of that. It'll be on ice with a soccer ball.

They still have football gear so they can hit. They have cleats. And instead of a hockey stick or anything like that, they all have baseball bats. It's full combat swinging sport while you kick the ball on ice. Every team has three goalies. It's like here comes the punisher, Tiger Woods. Great with the club, not with the feet.

I don't know the rules that well. These golf players are just getting massacred. Brian Erlacher showing no remorse. If I make the rules in this game, the UFC fighters do well. No. If they put the surface on ice, only the hockey players would do well. It would have to be grass. Touché, yeah.

And even then, baseball players and... You know what? I don't know. Soccer players would do good with the endurance. Make it like mud. Marshy mud, so everybody's just kind of mucking around. Nobody can get much speed. It's like mud wrestling.

It's on mud, but we're keeping the skates. be mud wrestling it's on mud but we're keeping the skates see and that's that's even though i would start that league it would cost me tens of billions to buy out all the other leagues i would lose so much money in this endeavor because every man in america would be like boycott this cunt who stole sports away. And every year, there's the Taylor Cup. And every year, no matter who wins, it's awarded to me. You're welcome.

You're welcome for blessing you with this sport. This sport's stuck. Why is every team from St. Louis It's like, yeah, we won again. Yeah, so I would lose so much money on that. I'd be frittering money away on like yachts and boats and things. What else would I do that was fun?

I could buy like a big piece of Russia and fuck with Putin. I wouldn't want to do that, actually. No. I wouldn't want to do that. Stay out of geopolitical conflict. Just have like fun safe fun like i would buy up like a non-local tv network and just broadcast the worst shit like a prime channel like channel 61 or like 30 you know like one that you actually will scroll past eventually and you just see like else like a spider-man costume guy getting pegged by miss piggy and you're like make every odd number suck

hey welcome to the odd channel every odd channel every odd channel welcome to taylor's musics just read that you know what i could also for geopolitical things i could buy all of the west bank and the gaza strip put the world's biggest and funnest amusement park there and then say, don't you want this to be not bombed, Israel? You don't want to bomb the funnest theme park on Earth. And then all the Palestinians are stoked on it

because they're like, this isn't so bad anymore. Because they get free pass on the Scooby-Doo ride and all that shows aren't free no of course yeah you gotta draw a line somewhere you have like a wailing the wailing wall ride it's just like a harry potter whopping willow fucking theme that would be right in the middle of jerusalem yeah yeah it's like israel is sorry israelis you can only come here if you agree to a two-state solution and you're not going to want to miss the demon chaser which goes 100 miles an hour in three seconds yeah these these are good thoughts i would be the first guy to be worth 100 billion dollars and go broke did you yeah yeah i got all excited about a new topic have

you guys been watching the tesla porsche electric car shootout thing you guys following this at all i didn't even know porsche i know yeah well the take in um or whatever it's called yeah i mean i've been following it uh not like the i don't follow elon musk or anything so i don't know like the back and forth but i know both cars really well oh do you well you might know more than me but so tesla has a car called the model s and that is that that's their highest performing car yeah the yeah so and it has uh you can like you know a lot of modern cars now you tell it like i want rain mode i want this they have something called ludicrous mode like from space balls and the acceleration is outrageous well they have a new drive train they're calling plaid again a space balls reference and it's not for sale yet but porsche came out with their car i'm gonna call it the tray can i learned by reading

so i mispronounce a lot or whatever oh can you do it again take on take hand t4 it's i think it's i think it's t-a-y-c i don't know yeah i just look at the first letters some of them and then run with it but uh yeah it's the a can take in okay so porsche came out with their take in it's actually much more expensive it's a quarter million dollar car compared to like a one in the low hundreds is that really the the list price or the estimate price is a quarter million versus like 150 or 130 yeah that sounds right to me and um but no it's 150 000 i knew i was taking it yeah the take-in's 150 starting at 150 900 uh well yeah but we're talking about the the ring

version that i think that they call it a turbo and i i'm pretty sure about that quarter million figure turbo s is 180 000 i'm sure if you option it all out you can probably get a quarter okay yeah so that's what i read anyway so uh it did it can't pronounce the racetrack do you know the nürnberg ring the nürburgring the most famous uh yeah it's a german racetrack where they test everything it is like the the bar for any production vehicle or or like car that's supposed to go fast and do fast shit if you're a sports car person you know this track and they use these times to like give you a general comparison on how fast the car is how well it handles etc and porsche came out they laid down their time and then tesla came out

and they did something i thought was cute now there's lots of categories on the times that you get you know production car whatever four seat car four door car etc tesla rolls out with the seven seater and it's like wait what a seven seater this is they were their model s or their model x the x is the suv it is an s now i'm actually confident on this and they they equipped it with seven seats so they were guaranteed to break the seven seat sports car record but um they also stripped it and they they put tint on all the windows you can't tell how stripped it is but apparently the inside just like a driver's seat and bare metal and they beat the porsche time by some 30 seconds and it's unfolding now like over

time like the weather and practice and stuff but they brought in these like professional drivers and i guess there are nerver ring experts like the specialists for that and they have them driving this s around and they're testing different configurations and it's pretty interesting to me to watch this shootout amongst electric supercars and a guy like elon musk trying to be both better and cheaper and go man it's interesting yeah i mean the the like rivalry between automakers is is is old as time like uh i think the most notable one besides this newfound one would be like koenigsegg and um and bugatti so the koenigsegg uh uh one to one or agara i can't remember they they set the um bugatti put out a video with the shiron or i think it was

where they went from zero kilometers an hour to 400 kilometers an hour to zero kilometers an hour in like 45 seconds so they went zero to 400 to zero in that in that time and then koenigsegg was like hey okay so they just did it in like 10 seconds faster. You pick a number, right? They did it faster and less space. And so that's been back at like Bugatti now just hit 300 miles an hour, I believe, with their newest version.

So it's like the dick measuring contest is great. It's just interesting that Porsche is like, yeah, I think we're going to just go ahead and fight this guy with unlimited time. Elon will do nothing. There's no benefit here to Porsche. Elon's just going to keep doing things for no reason other than just to win, and Porsche's

not going to do that. They're a company. They're like adults. They're not like fiddling around. Tesla's a publicly traded company, but I do understand your point, and I guess you're right. I also felt like, I feel like Tesla's supposed to be company, but I do understand your point. And I guess you're right. I also felt like, I feel like Tesla's supposed to be the favorite in this thing. They've been making sports cars since before any of us were born combined, maybe.

Tesla? You mean Porsche? Did I say it backwards? Yeah, you said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, so Porsche is the experienced car in here. Tesla's been making cars for like, what, eight years? I don't even know.

This Bugatti Chiron, this new Bugatti, is 1,500 horsepower. It is a V16, I believe. No, it actually might be bigger than that. That's unbelievable. The base price of the car is 2.4 million pounds? Is that pounds? No, euros? 2.4 million pounds. Is that? No, euros. 2.4 million euros.

I get lost in some pretty small, outrageous numbers. Because I hear a quarter million dollar car and it's like, yeah, that's a lot. 2.4 million. Yeah, that's also a lot. But, you know. But, I mean, all right. So the amount of quarter million dollar cars on the road that i see uh living in in los angeles is like i you know no less than five every every time i leave my house it's like a very common

occurrence to see like the lamborghini urus which is an suv that's a quarter million dollars like the bentley bentley bintagas the same thing these are suvs are a quarter of a million their homes on wheels right rolls royces all this stuff they they make suvs oh that's lame yeah it's a fast car but it is there it's an investment in five years it'll be worth an eighth of a million yeah exactly oh yeah yeah i was like wait a minute uh those are not appreciating in value that much because they're not really collectors but you have to be a stone cold i'm looking at this suv lamborghini right now you have to be a fucking retard to buy this if you were to on these pictures blank out the emblems it looks like a ford edge can you give

the name of it again i want to show you are us you are us and it's like this is not a cool looking car not at all ugly and and the and i see them everywhere like look at the bentay bentley bentayga b-e-n-t-a-y-g-a i think or e-y-g-a that car i'm like okay it's like a yacht on wheels i get it um but the urus is like you know it looks like they tried to it's a hot wheels car is what it is it looks like a hot wheels car i hate it and i see them every and they're almost always driven by one of two people a a a younger like i'd say like mid-40s white woman um or or a the most decrepit old white guy i've not i've i've not seen like any other demographic drive these cars it's it's nuts yeah this i mean this is much better looking than the lamborghini one or the rolls-royce colon on this is that all of those are Lamborghini one. Or the Rolls Royce Coleman.

All of those are making SUVs. Bent Tega? Do I have it close? Yeah, that's the Bentley. Okay, yeah, yeah. So I'm showing it. See, I feel like if I see a Bent Tega, even as a non-car person, I know that I'm looking at something special. Something special has just arrived.

I don't know what it costs or such, but... A lot. The other one, if you told me it was made by Chrysler, I'd buy it. Like, I believe it. You believe it. Yeah. Well, what about this? This is the Cullinan, the Rolls Royce.

I see that in my rear view, and I'm like, Jesus Christ. The grill is like six feet long. It's huge. I just tasted it. Yeah, I'm showing it to people. The grill is like six feet long. It's huge. I just pasted it in the... Yeah, I'm showing it to people. Rolls-Royce always strikes me as the kind of car that rich people pay to be driven around in,

not like that you drive. Right. So you would say that, but I don't think I can name the last time I saw somebody being driven in one, and I see them everywhere. It's always somebody driving it. People who get driven in cars, at least here, are always being driven in Maybachs. them everywhere it's always somebody driving it you people who get driven in cars at least here are always being driven in like maybox or you know i mean like

the car that looks terrible to drive because it's a but it's got like lazy boys in the back yeah this is still like a like people put their kids in this car nobody puts their kids in a maybach if you go to their their website on this uh what was it called cullen yeah and you look at the front view of this red picture this is a straight up ugly car it's straight up a big brick yeah it's a fucking brick it's got those doors that open from both sides yeah that is not a wait no hey we don't talk shit about the suicide doors but you're right that front angle is is not great wait it goes up right no they're the ones that like you know how your door opens like this and the opening faces the back they face the front they're called suicide

doors because if somebody runs into the back of your door they crush you when you're getting out make some clothes versus ripping the door off you die you know do you get it like you know if you exit to the street side funny yeah a kid i knew he didn't go to my high school but he died because he was trying he parked on a like a forest like it was one of our friends houses like a forest slope i say our friends i didn't know the kid well at all he was like getting out of his car and he didn't put it in park like a retard and he was like getting out and it started rolling forward and the door hit a tree and he was like trying like with his hands like walking beside the car trying to get back in and slow it down. Head

destroyed. Dead. Boom. Dude, I don't know the actor's name, but the guy who played Chekhov in the most recent Star Trek died like that. Yeah, he got he got murdered by his own Jeep. Yes. Yeah, don't just don't just if your car's rolling away, just cars rolling away. Yeah, what an embarrassing way

to die yeah to get murdered by your own jeep and then everybody knows now like has anybody watched the star trek movies since then i know i haven't but has anybody watched this specifically because he died now yeah and just had to say every time that movie's watched now, it's like, you know that guy got got by his own Jeep in his own driveway on his own mailbox. Apparently those Jeeps, it's not a super uncommon thing to happen because, and I don't understand how, but it's not obvious to tell that you didn't put it in park. No, Jeep not being the paramount of safety?

No. I'll be shot. If I ever crush my head because of a tree because I didn't put my car in park, you guys can make fun of my death. If I'm ever hit by a train, make fun of my death even more. Taylor, if a car hits your head into a tree,

your head will be the thing that comes out okay. Yeah. Here on the side of highway 40 an oak tree devastated by a man's skull how are you feeling i'm pretty fine still gonna find a way to charge you for the ten thousand dollar like what is it tree you know like you took a tree without license what are you driving tucker i i drive a mercedes c43 really i don't know what that is but i know it's like uh it's a four-door it's like a um it's a technically a sports saloon it's the c63's little brother um it's it's i i love the car to death i've had it for two years now i think i'm gonna buy it when my lease is up.

Oh, you're leasing it. Yeah. Yeah. So I've only put the 6,000 miles in two years. Like buying a car outright is stupid for me. I just don't drive enough. 6,000 miles in two years. I've put more on that in my car in the last five months.

I'm sure. So, you know, I really like that car. It's like a good mix. It's practical and it's sporty. It's got, you know, the nice like bucket seats. You know, um, it's like a good mix. It's practical and it's, it's sporty. It's got, you know, the nice, like, uh,

like bucket seats, you know, it's got Alcantara everywhere, but it's also, it's a fucking sedan. Like I can fit five friends comfortably in there. And nobody's like, what the fuck,

man? You know, it's practical. It looks really nice. It's a zoomer. And it's from a Pontiac to that, you know, what kind of Pontiac did you have?

Pontiac Grand Prix, 2002 year and, uh, 227,000 miles on it. from a Pontiac to that you know what kind of Pontiac did you have Pontiac Grand Prix 2002 year and uh 227,000 miles on it when I when it finally died the interior on your car looks yeah man like I oh yeah I like it I drive an F-150 and it's a nice one F-150 like I'm not I have no complaints but one complaint okay I take that back is that uh every piece of the interior is supposed to be something else like oh see this wood i mean it's not wood of course but it looks woodish and you see this you know this plastic chrome thing yeah it's supposed to be chrome but it's not yeah everything is this imitation of something that you know it was supposed to be

it's atlantic city yeah like like you know it's like atlantic city to vegas it's just that's the other that's the other thing so i had never had like leather seats before or and damn sure i'd never had like ventilated seats or like heated seats or or you know or bluetooth any of this shit so i got in and i was like oh my center console is is metal and i touched it i'm like oh it's actually metal like this would be uncomfortable in the winter i was like i was like sick like this is something that i didn't know you could get in a car for you know not a hundred thousand dollars my seats might be compared i also have vented leather seats um i was gonna say the dash it's like oh is this a leather dash no but it fooled you right that's my truck i feel like

people are really i feel like people really regret uh or not regret they they miss the i the the um the the winner the window price on on like big suvs like an f-150 or or anything that's like supposed to be towing those trucks get up of like 80 100 000 i've seen 120 000 trucks and you wouldn't know it unless you just knew trucks were expensive yeah yeah and everybody has that like friend or three who like has maybe gone paintballing once in the last eight months and they've got a 75 000 truck maybe that's a midwest south thing more and out there you see more like yukon xls and stuff like that it's the i could go off road but i won't do that but if i wanted to i could fucking tear up the earth it would be great i would tear up the off road if i wasn't terrified of scratching my baby

so the when the when they announced the bentayga and and and they started doing the pressing stuff and i was watching like the press releases so the the bentley. And I was watching the press releases. So the Bentley version of the SUV, the one that we were talking about earlier. This was like a year and a half, two years ago. They started doing press tours for it. And I only watch pretty much car videos on YouTube now. So I'm watching my favorite guy go through it. And he's like, so today's press day is exclusively going to be done off-roading. And I'm like, there is no one that is taking their Bentley off-roading and they're on like

rocks, like doing uphill climbs with this quarter million dollar car. I don't care who you are. Not a single rational person's doing that. So it's cool. It's capable. That's the same thing with the trucks down south. It's like, I could do it. I could tow a lot, but I don't tow shit.

I have a street truck and I always thought the concept of a street – I mean, it's 4x4. But my previous truck was off-road capable, and I really did shit off-road on it that would surprise a lot of people. But my new truck is not like that, and I thought that I would really miss that capability, but I don't. I like the comfort. I like how quiet it is. I like the lane assist and some of the driving stuff. And I can still run over curbs and not worry. That's really all the off-roading I needed.

Yeah, just jump the, you know, when you got to park on the side of the road kind of thing. There's that. Or, like, it's a truck, so it doesn't have the turning radius that I'm sure your car does. Oh, yeah. So it's like, well, the passenger tire's going to hit the curb. But you know what? That's okay. It can handle that much. It's built for that.

Yeah, yeah. It's built for that. That It can handle that much. It's built for that. Yeah, yeah. It's built for that. That's kind of my trademark. It's built for that. I'm very glad I'm not into cars. It is the one thing that I feel like I've done everything I can to stop myself from buying an actual sports car. You have a sporty car. I do. everything i can to stop myself from buying like an actual sports car you know like i but i've still you have a sporty car i do he's doing the smart thing he's leasing it for a while like

yeah you can change up the flavor in a year or two when that's up and still save money in the end especially if like if your lease is also charging by like as far as i understand like i don't know if it was yours is different but like when you lease the car you get an allotted amount of miles per year and then you have to pay a surplus like or a premium for anything after that there's no fucking way you're having to pay any of those premiums there's literally no and yeah it comes with like insurance like all those services is for our free like insurance is covered by the dealer so i got into i got rear-ended and uh you know and all that stuff so like there's a lot less it's like renting an apartment. Sure, you got to take care

of the shit in the inside, but your grass outside, that's somebody else's problem. If your car gets dented, it sucks. Not your problem, though. It's a nice little peace of mind that every little ding that happens is not my problem. That'd be good. I haven't dinged my car yet. No. And if I did,

it's fucking Honda. Who cares? Knock on wood. I haven't dinged my car yet. No. And if I did, it's fucking Honda. Who cares? I don't fucking care. It's an 18. My old car was an 08. There are no new features in my car compared to most of these things I see. But for me, I was driving around and I'm like, I got Bluetooth now.

And it connects automatically. Wow, man. The future is now. And that's fine. It does everything i need to like i'm the backup cam still don't trust it still like to get a little physical confirmation on that too you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna start to trust it way too much i was the same way you know never having a backup cam i got really good at backing up like backing down a mile long country back road you know just like oh no problem now if the backup camera takes a little too long to show up i'm sitting i'm just gonna sit there and wait like i i trust it it's that you know it knows better than me it's gonna beep at me it doesn't want to be little lines

oh yeah too close it'll start to yell at you yeah it's hey yeah my truck has something nice it's an overhead cam and those are cool dude passengers are blown the fuck away by they're like what what how did how did i get yeah yeah because you can see the roof i don't people don't know it it takes i'm not gonna guess like 16 cameras like all over the car and then it assembles what looks like an aerial view and that's four or five one in each corner and one in the back and one in the car and then it assembles what looks like an aerial view and four or five one in each corner and one in the back and one in the front and then it's all wide angle that they stitch together but yeah yeah that's six but i think it's more than i think there's two per side and then front and rear do you have a chevy a ford i don't remember it's a ford a ford at 150 and uh yeah so that aerial view i just use it all the time. I just use it pulling into a regular parking spot with the lines

because it's big and it's hard to drive. And I should be better at it by now, but I'm not. So I just turn on the little aerial view and I could see the truck pulling in between the two lines and get it centered and parallel. It's super helpful. Yeah. Nice.

New topic? Sure. All right. Sure. yeah nice new topic sure all right actually before we jump into this usa today story that i'm sure is enthralling we're going to hear from a friend real quick over at squarespace this episode of pk is brought to you by our good friends over at squarespace from personal blogs and e-commerce destinations to marketing tools and analytics that'll help your business succeed squarespace is the all-in-one platform where you can build and establish a beautiful online Thank you. It comes with a beautiful parking page and free Whois privacy, W-H-O-I-S.

There is nothing to install, patch, or upgrade ever. You won't need any plug-ins to get going. That's actually really handy. You can hit the ground running with your new website by utilizing Squarespace's award-winning templates. Everyone should have their own corner of the internet, and with that, you'll want to flesh out your online community. Now you can do that with ease ease since Squarespace sites are fully integrated with commenting systems that support fully threaded comments, replies, and likes.

Squarespace is trusted by millions of people and some of the most respected brands in the world. They're used by a wide range of creatives and people, musicians, designers, artists, restaurants, and more. In addition to some of the largest e-commerce sites you'll find conducting business online today. So don't wait any longer. Get started today.

Head over to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to go, let's go to when you're ready to launch, you're ready to take off. Go to squarespace.com slash pka and save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash pka. Create your Squarespace website today and then share them on social media with us so you can feature them in a future episode of the show. and then share them on social media with us so you can feature them in a future episode of the show. Get over to Squarespace. Make yourself a website. They say everyone should have their own little corner of the internet.

I don't know if I'm on board with that, but some people should, and maybe you're one of those people, and maybe your website is hilarious. Maybe it... I was going to say something they wouldn't want so close to their read. Maybe it's silly and funny. Tweet that at Woody and he'll send it to me.

That's what I do. I pass things on. Well, yeah, Squarespace. Definitely check them out. You need a website? That's how you get it. Yep. What do we got here?

Florida man, always good. Wait, this is a Florida couple. Had sex in the back of a police car after a DUI arrest. Dude. She is rough right now. I will show her picture. Oh, I can show her picture as I read.

What is that from? Meth? Crap? Probably. It might be from a fight with a policeman. Oh, all of the above yeah there's definitely um let's see while i was outside my patrol vehicle megan and aaron took their clothes off and started to have sex when i opened up the door to stop them aaron was naked and megan had her pants down where her vaginal area was visible i observed her bra was halfway off and her breasts were fully visible so yeah when

they went to apprehend her she became violent and started kicking at the deputy and while the depth kicking at the deputy while being moved to another car she was placed on the ground to stop her from hurting anyone so the fact that her face is busted up could possibly be related to resisting that might be it you know what you let't let him fuck right no then you have to clean like juice the the dui juice out of your cruiser tucker this is a couple that needs to breed for the benefit of mankind we need more of them you're right you need well you you let them fuck and then you mush their faces in their their post-sex puddle after you get back. Like a puppy to destroy it. No.

Then you put them in prison. Yeah. You know, like, is it bad that I'm thinking these people were better looking that I wouldn't be as judgmental? But the way these people look, I'm like, yeah, I'm glad she got

dragged across the concrete i don't think she's that i'm glad that cop got to let some steam out i don't think that i don't think i've seen some worse florida couples like the guy i'm gonna i'm gonna five out of ten her i'm gonna not do that well i just come on you gotta think about the spectrum of people she's not overweight much and he's not either that already puts them in the average category you're doing a a global population zero to ten when most people do it zero to ten in terms of like acceptable like you would even consider like there's people out there i'm not fucking susan boyle ever that's not like i i wouldn't

even you know so if somebody is zero i mean there's like most of the populations is right no no actually to do this what percentage of the population i like for taylor is is less attractive than susan boyle i might say 15 20 i mean there are like there's people on walmart mobility scooters she's way hotter than all them mostly you're the ones who are there because they're way too heavy i think that you know what this is like you know when we were talking about like the difference between 1 billion and $5 billion. Okay. Right.

This is the same. This is the same level of like, it's impossible for me to conceptualize the difference between Susan Boyle and like generic Walmart scooter person. Like I just have no, they're all just equally not for me. You know what I mean? I hear you. Oh, like you're, you're asking me me to split hairs between two things that have zeros. It's like, yeah, I'm sure one is a little less than the other, but it's still so far out there.

You did nail it, though. I was doing them on a population, and I would say that they are average. They are not the ugliest people in the world by far. They are well within the range of- You're way better looking than that guy so you wouldn't consider that you i would hope so so you wouldn't consider that girl but that guy's actually an average looking guy you're just you exist in a world where you don't need to slum i don't think that i think that i just also realize you live in like Hollywood. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a, your whole population is skewed.

I'm a Hollywood four and I'm a Minnesota seven. Like there is such a gap between, you know, the two, the two cities. So look, but even just looking at, yeah, I don't think either one of them are ugly. I don't think I would have even remote thoughts of sex with either of them but you know all things considered they're not they're not they're not hideous i would not like hide my children's eyes if they saw them you know i'm sure they're happy to hear that maybe if they were fucking in a police car you would yeah i just i'm trying to figure out i mean they said that it was dui did it say it was alcohol related or did it? Yeah. Oh,

DWI is, is a non-alcohol, right? I don't, I don't know. Driving under the influence, I think is DUI. Yeah.

That'd be, so you distracted, detected a strong odor of alcoholic beverage emitting from both of them, but I don't know how he first. I need to look. Yeah. I was saying it. DW is driving while intoxicated.

Both riders. Oh, they were on bicycles. They were drunk on bicycles. So I got a citation in college for riding my bicycle drunk back from a party. So there are some states that you can get DUIs. It's wrong. They should have cut them some slack. I feel like. So here so here i'm just reading it let me let the audience know um they were riding bikes without lights around 11 30 p.m and they cut into the middle of the road and were

nearly hit by a car which led to the traffic stop but they're on when i say bikes i'm not talking about motorcycles they're bicycles that's when he detected a strong odor of alcohol that's when he threw him in the car and they started fucking now i'm totally on these people's side right getting a dui for a bike let maybe that's how she fell off the bike it wasn't that she was look they say they said that she that they almost got hit by a car i don't think that i i personally do not agree with the citation that i got because i was i was riding on campus on the on the sidewalk which was not for bikes it's not a bike walk but i was riding like through the on the side like there was no possibility i was getting hit at two in the morning where i was going to hit anyone i really

just want to convince myself that what they did was cool by fucking the cop car after getting arrested. That's ballsy. It is cool. Look, I get that they were riding their bikes irresponsibly. They weren't driving their bikes irresponsibly. What's up, Teddy? Is that the new one or the old one? He's just big chillin'.

He's just chillin'. But I just feel like they may have intentionally not drank and drive that's what that could be why they were on bikes in the first place i agree with you there yeah i mean the fucking in the back is is really really funny and i want i i i can't help it i gotta like that it's just it's a funny thing when there's like yeah i bet you wish you didn't drive those but what are you doing? What are you? Don't put that.

Oh, Jesus. You smell terrible. It smells like it smells like a red lobster after close. I wonder if they were going to get detained in the drunk tank. I doubt that they were going to get like. I bet you probably wasn't going to charge him with DUI. He probably was going to be like, all right, you just go sober up and then go home. But then they started fucking.

He's like, I'm throwing the book at you guys. Like, I have to have this car for years. It probably is exactly what happened. I had to go in the other direction, right? Like, I'm going to throw him in the drunk tank all night. Then they start fucking in my car. And it's like, all right, you rascals. It's Gary.

Get out of here. You're cool. I didn't realize how cool you were when I first locked you up. Scurry on. All right, get out of here. You're cool. I didn't realize how cool you were when I first locked you up. Now I know. Hey, come on. Seriously, cool move there. Going into the precinct.

Arrested two people for driving their bikes while drunk, but they just started fucking and just wanted to expunge their records and bring them right here. Yeah, we're high-fiving through the window in the back i'm gonna let them play with the guns yeah is this a start for a porno you just hear the porno theme intro yeah then uh yeah she maybe she'd look a little better her hair is goofy like it looks like it's got five different lengths i don't think her hair is the best part ah maybe that's helmet hair

from biking. Hey, wait. If they didn't have a helmet, put them in jail. If they were wearing a helmet and riding a bike and fucking all together, I think they're just good, good, upstanding citizens. If they're wearing the helmet during sex, I'm on team Florida couple. Yeah. Well, it's like one of those laws from 1614 where it's like well this couple

fucked in the back of a precinct vehicle after being caught with a dui they are incumbent mayors no scratch that they walked backwards eating ice cream on a sunday they're gonna be put to death yeah i love old laws like that i think even back then the people making laws were like let's this is hilarious let's see how long this stays on yeah there's no way that they there's no way that they seriously thought like you can't go uh whaling in oklahoma and they were like just a way to like boost their their lack of crime numbers yeah what's this here oh this is i totally forgot about it yeah so the felicity huffman if people don't know who she is like i'm not good with actor names she was the blonde mom in desperate housewife housewives housewives that uh i believe you i

don't know any that's right that show was popular when you guys were like eight but uh anyway uh yeah so she was a really popular actress and i i seem to be the only person on earth who feels like this isn't fair i'm sorry i just read it 14 days is all she got yeah as in are you it's not, Woody, or it's too much? I want to know your stance. Tucker's going to say too much, or not enough. You're going to say too much, I bet. Here's the thing.

This is what she actually got. She actually got, if I'm right, more time for her kid to take the SAT. That was the difference between this privileged test area and the others um and then uh she spent i think it cost a quarter million a lot of this coming from my foggy memory it's we all know about it so um oh wait she admitted paying a harvard graduate 15 grand to correct her answers on the sat securing a 400 400-point boost. Okay, so that's helpful. Let's say that's helpful. That'll give you a leg up.

I get that. But – 14 points on the SAT? No, 400 points. And it's no longer out of 2,400 points. I believe it's over 1,600 points, which means it's one quarter of the entire test. That's a good little curve. Take it from 1,100 to 1,500. Yeah, that's a boost's a good little curve take it from 1100 to 1500 yeah

that that's a that's a boost all right all right so it helped but see it see i said this before it seems like if you spend a quarter million helping your kid get into college 15 000 you go to jail right or 15 000 in this case if you spend 7 million buying putting your name on a building so your kid gets into Princeton, well, we just accept that. We just say that's okay. That's how Harvard works. That's how Princeton works. Let it go. So it's a quid pro quo, whatever it's called.

Like, hey, if I buy this building, you're going to let my kid in, right? That I understand. I understand the double standards with the scale here. are going to let my kid in right that i understand i understand the double standards with the scale here however this was i feel like uh there's a difference because i'm god somebody correct me if i'm wrong here i'm pretty sure there is an allocated amount of spots that are that uh that specific like colleges like harvard or a college where this is even something that could happen they have set aside every year to accept people that may do this right versus what they were trying to do yeah what they were trying to do is go through the normal route or relatively normal

route and take places away from people that may have earned it themselves i don't see how allocating a dozen spots every year for people that haven't earned it makes it better than no i was having a free-flowing system but sometimes we let in six that don't earn it sometimes we let in 12 what's funny is like all of these ivy league schools and like when you look at the amount of nepotism in ivy league schools not just harvard all of them it's outrageous fucking outrageous and they like use like two little like celebrities from the 90s early 2000s here and break them over the coals and then after this thing and be like ah we're glad that's over right we're glad nobody we're glad we're not doing this each and every day with people all the time we're going ah your your test scores are kind of shit

uh but oh you're one of those gun kids from cnn yeah yeah welcome in come on in get in here you yeah you know or like they're oh you're you're one of the rockefellers you're one of the fucking x name of other rich family one of the bushes sure you're a retard get on in here like oh they're gonna help our endowment they're gonna like increase the like i don't know the whole ivy league system is like that and more than just the ivies yeah well all that happened here the real crime is that getting into school became a little more affordable no cheating into school became a little more affordable that's what went wrong we should be like china and all of us cheat all the time

well i think that they get there yeah no no like you're right like there's in an ideal world everybody would be it would be merit-based but that's not how things work. I think that the differentiating factor between buying a building for your kid and having them go to school was that this was a large group of people that were setting up this program to do it. I think they said 34 people. starting a systematic way to do this versus so maybe this is like a hey let's nip this in the bud before it gets to a point where this is now a a fast track like a verifiable way to get your kid into xyz you know i still i don't agree because i i think that if you look at the scale the whole building buying thing is more than 34 people you know i bet it's a couple hundred kids every year yeah but i also know wait wait no they're not but harvard is not selling a hundred buildings i hear you i hear you but there's a where do we put this building you could just the endowment so buying the building thing is really just sort of code for yeah for contributing money being a reliable alumni who gives back to the school all the time and

then your kid gets in they'll do shit like i'm gonna buy a five million dollar bench in the park it's like man that's an expensive bench i hope you hope you don't spend 12 grand on it to engrave it and then just keep four a million almost five million dollars like we're definitely not gonna do that yeah i still think the funniest part of her show was trying to compare a thousand or hundred grand to a billion the best part of that is i ended up being right with 13 immediately right off the cut man i wonder idiot savant you know you're right though is like i don't know the difference between the two and i don't know if there's like i like my gut reaction is like i can't believe that she's getting 14 days in prison what the fuck you know

but also like what laws did they really break like did they really break any like federal law like i mean break laws they just broke rules it's like getting caught early yeah it was more like cheatery yes it's more it's not against the law it's against the rules but yeah like it is funny that like all these you know bullshit old boy nepotistic universities it's you're right it doesn't just happen in ivy league but it happens especially in ivy league are now like harrumphing about with their fucking pocket watches and and pocket squares and there are lots of pocket things when you're rich yeah okay so right here it says right here it says that it was the rick singer this fucking ringleader guy like this this was basically a sting operation by the fbi to stop this it's just

weird that that like now that i'm thinking about this whole thing in the in the grand scheme of things it's just like a weird like a weird thing for the FBI to be like, well, fuck, man. We got terrorists over here, and in that room, we're stopping college admissions scams. It's like, what? There's a headline I saw, like a screenshot on Twitter that was from like 1998, where it was like,

CIA clears itself in investigation, which accused CIA of spreading crack into rural and urban communities and so just one guy at the cia they're like hey tom you you're head of internal affairs and i know all your kids would love to see you for dinner tonight it's like i don't know i didn't know you you definitely didn't get people hooked on crack you definitely didn't do that you know oh did uh speaking of that kind of shit did you hear like all the the stuff coming out with that You definitely didn't get people hooked on crack. You definitely didn't do that. Speaking of that kind of shit, did you hear all the stuff coming out with that Sackler family?

Who? I don't need to know about that. Those billionaire opioid families. There were quotes from them, even in the 90s, basically alluding to how they wanted to get people addicted. They lobbied doctors to give people

way too many opioids and use it as a way more commonplace fixer of a problem where instead of being like, alright, yeah, you just had a surgery, but you're going to be fine in four days. Take a Tylenol 3 every six hours and that's it. They'll just be like, yep, fucking

Vicodin for the next three weeks have a ball son you know and then you get addicted to it and then you turn to harder drugs or more pills and you end up killing yourself and they got in trouble doctors and as they were getting in trouble this this family that owned this opioid uh company she billionaires multi-billionaires super rich they were like getting in trouble for this manipulation and intentionally getting people to overdose and knowingly, when private correspondents talking about how awesome it was, how much money they were making.

There's an article saying... I can even find it. It's really funny. Because I have it I think in my favorite tweets. I also favorite people getting hit by cars. This guy's really funny haircut that they instructed the opioid like salesman you're like the pharma hotties they go to the

doctors and they were like man it seems like we've got addiction problems and they're like yeah but we figured it if you just increase the dosage it's weird it actually undoes the addiction and doctors are like huh okay they ran with it of course it doesn't really make any sense but you're giving me a nice little kickback so i guess i will and as it was like tracking that story was tracking and they're getting in trouble for it there were other stories breaking likeackler family found to have wired billions of dollars to Swiss offshore account in midst of blah, blah, blah case. And it's like, oh, so this will be a one day long story. Nothing will come of this. And they're going to be billionaires and they can basically walk up to somebody ODing on the street and like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I did that. Now I'm going to go get in a yacht. Yeah. And fuck you. Like, it's just so fucked up. So fucked up to see things like that. Now I'm going to go get in a yacht and fuck you. It's just so fucked up. It's so fucked up to see things like that. Okay, I hear what you're saying. But we need to get on the winning side of this team, right?

We need a mutual fund. How do we evict our audience opiates? I agree. Yeah, we need to get. Let's call it the Sacklers. Is there some investing strategy for addictive shit, right? I want a bond or a mutual fund filled with like cigarettes, opioids, gambling. Help me out here.

You can do that with marijuana, right? Not addictive enough. Marijuana. People get addicted to weed, and marijuana is the best one because the people who like wake up every single morning and smoke and then, oh, it's a little before lunch. I think I'm going to smoke. Getting to be early afternoon.

I think I'm going to smoke. Ooh, before dinner. Don't want to eat unless I've smoked. Well, nice after dinner treat. I'm going to smoke. Those people. I went to college with some of those people. Will tell you to your face, no, I'm not addicted, man.

No, I'm not addicted. I smoke like an eighth a day or a quarter a day. But it's just fun. It's just fun, man. It's like, well, then why when we go out to bars and we're having a couple beers, you're like, I want to go home and smoke. I want to go home and smoke. It's like, oh, yeah. So people, when they're a blown out alcoholic or a crazy pill addict, I feel like they have a sense of realness with it where they know what's happening and it's real because the consequences are way more dire but the consequences are so low

it's just like oh my motivation's gone i'm not in very good shape i eat bad oh my sleep's a little weird that they can rationalize it for way longer so yeah i i know i know quite a few like i smoke quite a bit but i know a lot of people who smoke like like you were saying i have a friend so let me backtrace i or backtrack i went i went over to a friend's house for the first time and we walk in and we sit down and we were gonna we're gonna hang out smoke go eat some dinner and then go go out to a show like a a music show that's fine so we're yeah so so i'm sitting i walk in and i'm like hey man i bought a i brought a joint like let's sit down and he goes oh no we're not we're not gonna smoke that

and he pulls out a um a dab machine like a like a giant rig pen no no like it's like a glass rig that you heat up a like a the metal coil to like i don't know i don't have one yeah i've seen those with a fucking blow torch he takes out a blow torch he's like you ready man i'm like we're like are we doing crack or are we smoking weed he's like no it's just weed it's just concentrated and i was like this is where the line is drawn like if you if you're smoking even out of a bong or like whatever your method is where it's like okay cool but the second need a blowtorch to do anything that is now not in the realm of like like gotta go fill my butane burner you don't take your weed

intravenously rookie yeah exactly you're preaching to the choir because i remember the first time i must have been like a sophomore junior in college before i even knew this was a way of smoking weed where i was at a buddy's like house party it was winding down and he brought out a giant oil rig as he called it and like i was like that's neat it kind of looks like a fancy bong with a bunch of tubes and i'm like a little bubbler on the side and then like he put the ceramic thing on it and then went grabbed this thing and went you know it's like this is this is weed can you just smoke the the flower part like an adult instead of being a mania and then the thing that happens with those guys is i have a good friend did you smoke it though hypothetically i mean no but didn't inhale smoke but didn't inhale

i smoked it but i didn't inhale yeah you don't know anything about it of course but was it better yes yeah hypothetically no way too strong okay all right that's what i needed to hear all right hypothetically yeah and so a buddy of mine to this day he's gotten better with it but he like moved off of flower like the green bud weed entire like like flowers what they call just like regular weed this is like what you think of when you think of his weed yeah just regular ass weed the oregano thing yeah the oregano thing but these like little uh shatter or wax or uh yeah like little yellow pieces it's like just like distilled thc condensed super much super a ton and they're like that's the liquid sometimes you see in those vape pens and he has pretty much

transitioned and stayed fully on the oil pen thing for years. And he uses it every day. And he's to the point that if somebody's like, hey, I've got a little bong or a joint with just some weed in it. Like, you want to get high? He'll just be like, it's not going to work. No point. You want to get high, but that's basically it. like they want to get high but it is that's like you know when you're in when you're in the first time that i uh that i that i smoked weed was in college and my roommate was you know it was like

you're you're like smoking some weird bunk ass to somebody it's like brown and crusty and you're like sweet and i was like yeah i was like cool fine and then you move to california and it's like all right great cool explore the the the wilderness going going there and trying that for the first time was like right before he right before he did the entire like you know method of i don't know like i'm not following going where and trying it are we in college this this story no no this was this was the story i was talking about going to my friend's place okay uh right and you know and trying it as I'm sitting there doing this he's like by the way man just in case you know like or you didn't know like this is way way more than you know just smoking weed I'm like cool like midway through this like thank you for telling me how bad could it be like there's no conceivable amount

of like weed that I can smoke that's gonna make me like drool on myself so then i started drooling on myself immediately like it's like it is not a if if that is an everyday thing you are in the stratosphere of people that can smoke this shit it's like an ungodly i was so the end of the story was we went to dinner and i left dinner and i didn't go to the concert i went home and slept like i was it was it's like too much it's too much yeah i was a late bloomer with it as well i didn't try it until college and the first time i did in college like it was at night time and like it was just like a little joint thing i had no idea what the the quality of it was or anything like that and like i tried it like i was really kind of timid with it and then like the whole like realization washed over my mind might have been a little bowl i don't

remember what it was but the realization washed over me after i hit it of like oh this isn't scary at all like i expected it to be like the way that 70s show showed it where like stuff would be coming at me and whoa but it was really just more kind of like, I kind of just want to do nothing and I'm really hungry and my mouth is dry real bad. And then the next morning I was, I had had somebody stay at my apartment for the evening and like, they were like, dude,

this way you can bake. Cause they were like pretty experienced with weed. And I was like, well, I'm not hung over at all. I feel fine. I just, I just did this last night.

I feel hunky dory. Can't even tell I did it. Let's do it. Let's do a wake and bake. I was feeling so cool. Did it. And then immediately it was like, going to Walmart I was supposed to do that?

Not going to happen. Going to the gym? Not going to happen. Going and kicking the soccer ball around or playing Frisbee with my friends, staying at a house you feel? Not going to happen. I'm just going to melt into the couch.

And it was like, after a little bit of that, the novelty wore off. And it was like, this is not a morning thing. I feel like it really just takes any motivation and plans to do stuff. For me. For some people, it's different. I knew some of my stoner friends who would smoke a whole joint to themselves and then go and study. None of them did well in school. So take that you will yeah rogan would argue rogan would say that the people

who do pot and are lazy would have been lazy without pot yeah it just facilitates more laziness i think because it makes you content to just kind of do it makes um it makes nothing interesting right like if you're bored and you smoke like you still might be bored but you're definitely not as bored or you're definitely like it's just you're just content kind of being around and doing whatever like maybe endlessly scrolling through twitter like obviously everybody's different you could almost rephrase that to say it makes everything interesting or anything interesting sure yeah it makes boredom more bearable but it yeah it makes it doesn't make things necessarily more interesting uh i think that you know it just makes me okay if it makes me feel all right if

there's nothing to do like if i'll just if i'm half paying attention to a television show right now or if i'm like on a podcast cool we're here and i'm engaged or at the very least like i'm still attentive to this but if i was on my couch and we were smoking and I wasn't super into it, then I might just be content not being into anything at all in not giving my attention to anything at all, but still happy and still enjoying it. It's just like, I'm not engaged with anything.

Somebody out there is watching this. It's like, that's not how weed works for me. Like, but that's fine. It just like people can be functioning alcoholics. You can smoke a fuck ton and be incredibly successful you can smoke and the pot brigade is always so defensive over it

i don't get it it's like if it works for you go wild i've never said it's a bad drug as far as drugs are concerned and their outcomes and and consequences weed is better than alcohol and i know that's so boomer take well actually, actually, the opposite of boomer take. No, but it is. It's like, yeah, it actually is safer than alcohol in most ways. But that doesn't mean it's some miracle drug. That's the thing about pot culture that sucks, is the people who can't just accept.

It's pot culture itself. Yeah, it's like people who make it part of their personality. Where like, if I have a buddy that likes to smoke, if my buddy who smokes a ton of weed never talks to me about weed he never talks to me about a new strain or a new rig he got because he knows i don't fucking care like and it's it'd be like at our age it'd be like dude really like really you want to talk about sativas i tried this new jack harrow man taylor let me tell you it's crazy do you want to try some? It's like the same. It's like people who, you know how you have that, what's it called,

stereotype of people, like hipsters that are just way too into IPA beers or whatever, and it's just like they'll come to a party with their craft beer and like, now let me tell you about this microbrewery up there near Portland. It's like, great, cool. I enjoy beer too. It's nice, but like you're taking it a step further than normal people would be interested in that is unfortunately a large group of the people that do tend to smoke marijuana yeah the pot not being bad for you thing they take too far right like oh dude have you noticed i have no glaucoma at all yeah it's like yeah you're 24 the amount of cbd shit that everything here in in in los angeles is

cbd infused like like uh i was shopping today to get groceries and uh at the counter of my little like not it's not trader joe's but it's like one of those like smaller grocery stores i was just getting like a sandwich they had um cbd water and i'm like gross okay yeah but right like like no it doesn't really taste like anything really oh you bought it no i've tried it though like i've been like you know there there's been i bet it costs more it probably it definitely does everything like lip balm cbd lotion cbd i drive there's cbd in everything now and it's like I get that it's calming for you but it does nothing

for me so I you know so like I work in consumer products with a number of clients and so like every consumer products company is like let's just fucking do CBD man just throw it in something the FDA doesn't let us make any claims so it's not like there's

an advertising war it's literally illegal to advertise it just what are we going to do put it on the labor you want a cream cbd cream fuck it yeah we'll roll one of those out a cbd tincture sure everybody's got one of those do it and it's like what's a tincture a tincture is like the oil dropper thing like oh someone gave me a couple containers of that uh for just to be like, hey, see if this makes your... They're like, try this for chronic soreness. I'm like, I don't have any of that. I'm 28. And they're like, it's already working.

Yeah, try this. It's already working. That's it. All you have to do is look at it. And then they said, oh, it'll help you fall asleep easier. And so I think I'm going to start taking it every night and see if I actually can tell a difference in how fast I fall asleep. Counterpoint, what if you put it in the air when you left your dog in the house alone?

That's another thing. CBD for dogs? I've seen literal products out there. CBD for dogs? I thought I was innovating here. No. You drip it on the dog's food and get this. innovating here no you drip it on the dog's food and get this the same companies that make the tinctures for people make the one for dogs it's just a label difference but there's like a 300

markup on the dog one the dog one costs more way more because people know like cpg research shows that people are more likely to spoil their dogs than they are themselves in a lot of ways. And that's why you get, like, whole dog mom industries of, like, oh, he needs a Gucci bow. He'll know if he's wearing an Old Navy one. That kind of shit. But, yeah, the CBD thing is exploding. Old Navy's cool. Old Navy's cool. They're cool people.

Yeah. That's CBD. I do believe CBD works. My grandpa told me it got rid of it, like his arthritis. I think it works. I think it works. Shit, I had a good analogy for it. It works.

Oh, it's like taking a vitamin D pill. Scientifically, that shit works, right? You're getting more vitamin D. It is, right? I take vitamin D pills if i skip a couple days and maybe like on one day three i'm like oh i forgot to take one maybe that's a reason why i felt a little off probably not but it doesn't really matter at the end of the day like you know right like the cbd does shit it is probably good for you in many ways it is anti

inflammatory whatever you want to say however I don't personally notice any meaningful difference. And I think that like, I'm sure people are different, but it's not like you're not going to take it and be like, fuck, like I'm so healthy now. You know, it's like vitamins. Like, yeah, I'm kind of on the same page with you with that. Like I would have been on the, it's kind of an overblown hokum thing until my grandpa, who is Southern farmer, not a fan of weed at all.

Not at all. Like my grandma had to twist his arm, like you were going to try that CBD stuff because I'm tired of you not being able to do stuff around the house. Cause you can't close your hand. And then she started doing it and he was able to close his hand and everything. And then he stopped taking it.

And I asked why he was like, I already sleep enough as an old man. It was putting me out at like seven and I was waking up at seven too much. You know, he said, my grandpa's Alex Jones. Yeah. But I,

so I believe it works and the industry is so is going to explode right now. I believe it works and the industry is so is going to explode right now. Everybody is just waiting for the FDA to make a ruling on both dosing and, uh, claims you can make. And as soon as that's all solidified and the edible nature of it, the, the ingestibility of it is kind of regulated. It's going to be everywhere.

Cause right now the reason that creams and, uh, like, uh, roll on balls and stuff is the the like a main delivery mechanism that doesn't really work as well i don't think but you can get it anywhere is because the fda is totally cool that shit they don't give a fuck about topicals but if you say put this in your mouth they're gonna add that that no oh let's take a second here this could be some chinese bullshit poison i'm learning so much i've yeah the fda um did you

know that the that um malt beverages like uh fermented sugar beverages don't have to go through the fda so white claw um all those they don't have to get regulated by the fda like you would if you have like a premium liquor yeah so i want to so, I'm, I'm sorry if we're getting derailed, but I'm starting, I'm, I'm, I'm starting a vodka water company in a can like, like vodka and water. Yeah, for real. So I started off as a joke because that's all that I drink. And then, uh, I had a, I had a chance meeting with, um, um, I guess Mr. Whiteclaw himself. Yeah, no, no, it was the, um, it was the, uh, the president at the time who created uh mike's hard lemonade and he does a bunch of consulting for my agency that i work with and he overheard the conversation we were talking about was like that's super interesting

and i was like oh that's cool so we went through it and you know long story short we started getting it down to like what it takes to bring an alcoholic beverage from you know idea to market and you know all the white tape and stuff aside he looked me dead in the eyes he's, you know, idea to market and, you know, all of the white tape and stuff aside, when he looked me dead in the eyes, he's like, you know, for like half as much money, instead of using vodka or whatever, like spirit that you would like to use, you could just use fermented sugar, which is the whole premium malt beverage or spiked seltzer is what they say. They don't say it's out or they just say alcohol by volume, but it's the FDA does not do any, does not require any

additional regulation you can sell it at the same like the same level of regulation as coca-cola i had no idea i neither did i i was like jesus no wonder they all use the same thing and none of them are like with vodka you know be careful because there is yeah that whole not like vodka thing that's interesting there is a vodka water can out there now that i've seen starting to crop up in uh like convenience stores like 7-eleven kind of things it's called monaco and it's a yeah it's got like a picture of a rooster on it i think it's just called monaco it's like a long kind of tall red bull looking can yeah and its claim is two shots in every can and so it's like 10 alcohol and so you can and they're selling them for two for four at a 7-eleven near now that is the market that they like that

they cornered the market that one yeah that's wild we'll see they're trying to to you know they're going to be a loss leader not like they're a leader in anything but they're going to try and get a little bit of penetration into that uh uh white claw truly market and see where it goes yeah which i love those hard seltzers i'll probably have one later they're they're they're great they're just my only complaint with them actually i have a couple i don't like seltzer right i like water okay i like fucking water it's just it's just cold no bubbles no. It's just perfect. Right. Uh, and the fact that they're 4.5%, like I have to drink six of these in two hours or else I'm not going to be even close to being drunk. Right. Like that's a, that's a problematic amount of liquid in my body. That

means I'm not eating during that time. Like, like I just, I have to fit as many of these in here. So I enjoy them when it's like, I at the pool or we're just hanging out. And it's like a good casual drink, but never in my life am I like, I'm going out tonight, bring me a pack of White Claws. I'm crushing all of them and I'm peeing for the rest of them. Yeah, I think they taste really good. I'm on the other side. I love water, regular water, but I love seltzer water.

I always buy the off-brand of it for just a little lemon kick. I just like it. I saw something on the internet and I don't know how it's true but I just know that it's true. Seltzer water tastes like static television. Yeah, it does. It tastes like static TV.

Well, then I love static television and its flavor. I think I've said it on the show before but someone had a really viral funny tweet a year or two ago where they're like, LaCroix tastes like you're drinking water and somebody yells out the name of a fruit in the other room. It's like strawberry on low power mode. Which is kind of true. It is. If they didn't have a label on the can you took a

drink you'd be like lemon i want to say i want to say there's something in there there's some kind of essential oil making it taste different but it's mostly the bubbles that i like yeah yeah yeah that's it's true man those things came out of nowhere they really did like the fact that that like that that the fact that we have had two major food or beverage oriented crazes in this year is pretty nuts we had the popeye's chicken sandwich we've got white claws what's next yeah next like food shortage that we're gonna have or like do you grab it like there was this little like message that popeye's put out where they're like we're a bunch of fucking morons who can't get our supply line to work correctly, but you can still have Popeye's chicken sandwiches because just bring your own bun.

Just bring your own bun to our store. And it was like a commercial of people buying a three-piece chicken tenders and bringing their own bun and making their own sandwich and being like, this is just as good and it's like wow this is in chick-fil-a has this playing in their headquarters laughing oh no they just they've just improved i doubt they're giving a discount on this chicken sandwich if you bring your own bread they genius they they've got a problem and they're like hey i've got a solution well actually you solve it. And people probably

did. That's not genius. It was, see, the problem here is that it's like they admitted the chicken sandwich is just our fucking tenders. There's nothing different. It's just our tenders with bread. And Chick-fil-A is just like, see, ours are very different.

We have, you know, different cooking methods, all this stuff. You hit the nail on the head. feel like you guys are they basically admitted people had this ethos about them and about the ethos around that sandwich of like this is like a new rival to the chick-fil-a sandwich like i don't know what they're doing back there but man it's competing with the legacy of the chick-fil-a sandwich and they're like actually it's just like a big finger it's like a bit imagine a chicken, actually, it's just like a big finger. It's like a big, imagine a chicken finger, then they make it like that big. And then put a pun on it.

The breast is cut in three. We don't cut it this time. We just put it in there. Yeah. And so like them admitting that, that meme's already dead. They tried to hit it more. Like it's already, the day's gone.

Sorry. I haven't heard anybody talk about it since the whole shortage thing. Like that was it. They should have just ripped it. They should have McRibbed it. They should have ripped it off the menu and then brought it back for Christmas or some shit like that.

You know, you need to get into marketing because that's exactly the right move. Pull it out, manufacture a shortage. So you get people chatting about it and then you bring it right back. The McRib, the only reason I've ever bought one is because of the hype around it. And people like be like, oh, the McRib so good. I bought one. I think I took two bites before I was like, I'm not going to lie to myself that I enjoy this any longer. I like the way he verbified McRib, which I just did with verb.

He McRibbed it. Yeah. Just like the monopoly, the monopoly shit that McDonald's will do. I'm an adult, and when I see it's Monopoly time, I'm like, well. I play the lottery, but I get fries also. I am but a man. Who am I to say no? That's proven how good it is, because I am not a gambler.

I never gamble. I don't bet on sports. sports don't bet on anything but when mcdonald's like it comes to town with that i'll buy a medium soda and a medium fry and a six-piece nugget even if that's not what i want so i get six peelies i got one place now i need his boardwalk and i'm rich yeah we're 50 of the way there there's only one boardwalk and wait you saw that you saw that story about how um mcdonald's managers from like 1998 to like 2005 embezzled every single boardwalk in park place every one of them you could not win because they were all embezzled by the employees i was like and seems seems right yeah true kings that. That's awesome.

Yeah, they would pay their employees, like, here's 15 grand, give me that. It was like, all right. Do you guys know the story about the Pepsi and the Harrier jet? Yes, I did. Seven million Pepsi points or whatever it was. Yeah, so Pepsi had this thing where if you buy Pepsi, you accumulate points. And if you buy enough of it, in 1996, you could win a Harrier jet. And Taylor said it's 7 million Pepsi points. And so someone, I guess, figured out that it was actually a fairly inexpensive way.

It was $700,000 to buy a Harrier jet, which is a good deal. So that's what he did. And Pepsi didn't come through with the jet. They said you were supposed to realize that it was a joke. Well, didn't they have to settle with them? They had to settle. I don't remember what the – I'm pretty sure they settled out of court or something like that. But they did not give him the Harrier.

Look at this insult. You know, someone who's taking advantage of the legal system doesn't really typify the Pepsi generation. Oh, I'm sure he's so hurt. Doesn't typify the pepsi generation oh i'm sure he's so hurt doesn't typify the pepsi generation yeah go ahead man remember when that kardashian in that commercial was like walking up to someone being abused by police she's like everybody settle down was that the pepsi or was that the coke no that was that was the now. Yeah, the parade. I forgot about that. It was like racism over. Can you imagine how tone deaf you have to be

to be the writers for that spot, the directors for that spot, the marketing people who came up with the idea, and everyone along the way is like, yeah, this is pretty good. This is pretty good. Yeah, I talked to all my friends here in Brooklyn and we all agree it's great.

Do you know anybody outside of here? No no i don't tend to associate with them you know it's like it's like these little inculcated co-alcoves and in these major cities where like you'll see some advertising come out and be like what the fuck what that's so tone deaf that guy's getting billy clubbed by a police officer and he doesn't want a pepsi right now he wants a steak for his ruined face that would be a great counter marketing campaign from coke a guy just getting savaged by a cop and then someone drinking a coke just walks by like what are you gonna do and it's like coke we won't stop police brutality but we taste pretty good and then that's what they run with we quench thirst not racism coke yeah it's funny that pepsi and coke never mention each other or rarely mention each other

right like i've noticed the news starts doing it like cnn and fox are often showing what they consider embarrassing moments from the other network but i I don't see like Pepsi talking about how Coca-Cola tastes bad. You don't want to because when you're as well known as Pepsi and Coke, your brand marketing strategy is no longer tell them the benefits of Coke. Tell them the benefits of Pepsi. It's just get our name out there because frequency and saturation of a given market is what's going to influence your sales. It's not at all the coke we have you know the only one who even does that is dr pepper

is like we have and all they say is like 23 flavors or whatever and that's that's part of their identity now too so like being a brand that big like budweiser you just show people having a fun time with a can in their hand and you go oh yeah that exists i remember that yeah that's my subconscious i wonder like the deep go ahead oh i was gonna say i did like a i did like a campaign for uh for coca-cola years ago and they were trying to figure out additional ways to work fanta into video game stuff and so i was at the coke hq in atlanta just talking about you know it was honestly a weird meeting and somebody's like what about minecraft and i was like i mean we could like rename all the potions and fanta flavors they're like no no we don't want fanta mentioned ever i was like what do you then what am i going to advertise like we just want the

flavor names in there and people will just know that it's fanta and i'm like yeah i guess that is one way and like you know coke was like just wear red How about they have a whole marketing and advertising campaign where they have a group of huge fans of Fanta called Fantifa. They fight cops in the street. They wear masks and lock their sock.

Fanta comes out with a new black flavor, like black licorice. They dress from head to toe. Everybody's like even in the commercial you see him taking a big swing oh a black sweet comes out of the corner it's like this is incredible well the trick behind the scenes of the shoot was filling it with coke you know because black licorice soda black licorice is terrible the candies that people had

to learn to enjoy in like the 1880s is hilarious yeah it's a wax bottle filled with poison that kind of tastes like sugar as a child good whatever good and plenties were just like you know horrible tasting decoys to mike and ike's do you are you guys familiar with these candies they're frustratingly bad they're so bad but they look like mike and Ike's. Are you guys familiar with these candies? I know plenty. They're frustratingly bad. They're so bad, but they look like Mike and Ike's. So you're like, maybe this time I'll like them. No, no, you won't.

You fucked up. You know why they named it that? It's because you eat one and you go, oh, I'm good. That's plenty. See, now what if Mike and I did that commercial and ripped on them? That'd be funny. No?

Just me? Wouldn't it be funny if they had the same parent company? Or as good as... Licorice is so gross. Red licorice too? No, no. Red licorice is fine. But black licorice?

Well, you're painting with a pretty broad brush there, Taylor. Not all licorice is bad. Oh, just the black one is. The black licorice is terrible. That's what he's saying. Yeah. No, with salted black licorice is terrible that's what he's saying yeah no with salt with salted salted black licorice is disgusting black licorice is nasty red licorice is just nothing it's not good i wouldn't i never think i never like wake up in the middle and i'm like if i could just get a bag of twizzlers right now everything would be okay like i'm never craving

it but yeah you're right what are top tier candies i want to get tucker's first i bet you probably ranked candies or something i i you know honestly i should do it i think i think um i think my top three would have to be in no particular order uh three musketeers almond joy and um and twix i'm with you on a third of those twix is very solid almond joy tastes good but it's not a top tier you're not you're not a coconut boy dude twix is the only one i wasn't with him on i might say uh yeah those two in payday would might be my top and by the way did you say oh i love payday no i didn't say snickers almond joy and payday i think and snickers by the way belongs in the fridge or freezer. Yeah, well, if that's Three Musketeers, put it in the freezer.

It's just there's no nougat, so it's not even – like Snickers is hard with the nougat when it gets frozen. Three Musketeers is just cream – it's like it's just chocolate mousse. That's my weight loss plan, really, right? It makes me eat fewer Snickers because it takes a good 15, 18 minutes. You eat enough Snickers out of the freezer, you'll be smoking hot. It makes sense. When I do get like Three Musketeers because it is lower calorie and things,

I'll get like halfway through it. But once every four years, I buy a Three Musketeers and be like, God damn it, I should have just went whole hog and got a Milky Way. Oh, Milky Ways are, you know what you know what yeah i gotta put them in the dark chocolate milky way was a was a pull if you got that in halloween love dark chocolate those are good i can't believe nobody's mentioned reese's those are my favorite fuck reese's are you kidding me what reese's is peanut butter chocolate it's no it's like it's like um it's like the worst quality peanut butter you could ever put inside not great chocolate and then it's just so gunky and it's like eating i put

reese's and butterfinger as like the bottom tier of this shit what's interesting about reese's to me is the small like mini little reese's actually pretty good if you get a bigger reese's they get awful and i at one time like almost as a joke bought a big one i don't like as a human head almost yeah yeah and like you wouldn't even eat it like it's just like it's it sucked it sucked really bad and oh i guess i like when they come around with the easter egg ones like once a year and we're celebrating something about jesus and you get the eggs oh i love those i like the the higher peanut butter and chocolate ratio i hope my mom just got upset when you said something about jesus something yeah it was like when you fucked mary magdalene for the first time that is i think, what Easter is.

It's a great memory. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Jesus was so stoked on getting his dick wet that he was like, holiday. Yeah. Right here.

Everybody's getting peanut butter and chocolate. That's what Easter is. Celebrate. Celebrate me getting my dick wet. Christmas is when Jesus fucked the Virgin Mary I think I'm not sure no he definitely didn't fuck his mom well the Trinity it's all the same

she was impregnated by her father think it through I don't care for this yeah that interpretation of it sorry Woody's mom and all the other devout holy boys I don't care for this. Yeah. Interpretation of it. Sorry, Woody's mom. And all the other devout holy boys in the listenership. Yes, we have a worth. We're thick with holy listeners.

Holy. There are some. I don't. I'm lucky that I'm not tempted by candy that often because my number one, my top one, Reese's Fast Break, because that's got peanut butter, chocolate, and it's got nougat in there. It's like a bar. Nougat. Top quality. And I always get the king size, like 500 calories in one bar of that.

And don't even look at your daily sugar allotment because it turns out that peanut butter has no protein in it whatsoever it just says type two yeah i mean i i used to i used to eat a lot of ice cream and stuff and i'm with you like i lost my sweet tooth growing up um i still love salty stuff but i used to go through my mom used to buy me a, uh, I guess one of those half gallons every like four days. Cause that's how much I ice cream. So, you know, like a cereal bowl, my ice cream would be scooped above the bowl, you know? And like, I don't know why they let me eat that much ice cream, but like, that was just it. Now I can't remember the last time I had ice cream or a candy bar or anything like that. What was your flavor of choice when you were getting it?

Moose tracks. Oh, man. Moose tracks ice cream. So it was like blended with, it had like peanuts in it, but then it was blended with like chocolate. But the chocolate was those like sheets of hardened chocolate almost. You know what I mean? Like that turtle stuff, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you'd get into it and then just be this sheet of like inch thick chocolate it was it was great oh when i was five years old i was more enthralled by how that turtle chocolate sauce hardened so quickly on ice cream than i was by automobiles planes trains planes trains automobiles like it was just like oh man we got we must have a couple leftover nazi scientists who were still ambitious after the moon landing is like but what if we make it freeze are you tired of dripping chocolate on your ice cream very no more because we've like notable contributions like the atomic bomb hardening ice cream like

chocolate shell it's like perfect incredible work you know what'd be funny is if like you know how we haven't done any moon shit in a long time is if nasa eventually came out and was like honestly guys after that last nazi scientist died we've we've been really struggling to come up with ideas the secrets died with the nazis i know you guys don't want to hear this but i think you got to bring them back it's like what they were really good with rockets they've beaten our ass and get into the moon and shit yeah we lucked out with that we we did yeah just being like all right all you guys were putting you to death but you and you and you and you and you you have a high-paying job here with us now

you kind of just sat in a lab the whole time anyways okay yeah we're gonna absolve you of that just like make us something fast it goes high up yeah and then when you succeed we're gonna talk about how dope america is yeah your only problem yeah i hope we start doing more space stuff i don't think it's gonna happen like uh where do you want your space stuff focused into like satellites that help us do shit or you want to science you want to see like controlling the weather or something with lasers okay so not finding new life i mean finding new life is kind of hard to do from here you know yeah well you gotta start somewhere i want to start i i would like i would like to i would like to go to the moon because with the i saw chris hadfield live stream from the fucking iss

right in hd okay now there was a big delay but i saw it right i want that but want that. But on the moon, I want to see some, I want to see somebody playing golf on the moon in HD. Like we have the technology to do this. I just want that. But now I don't even really care too much about anything meaningful going up there. Like, sure. It'd be cool to have the ISS continue. Aren't they getting like shutting it down? I'd like to see some more shit like that happen. Um, and sure. I'd love to go to Mars, but ultimately I just want to see like the, like that happen. And sure, I'd love to go to Mars. But ultimately, I just want to see at the level of the Hubble Space Telescope type photos just shit that's like,

oh, look at how cool this is. And this guy's actually up there doing this in real time. Yeah, I want to see somebody hit a 3,000-yard drive in the moon open. Yeah. Send Tiger up there. Yes. Send Tiger up there. Send Tiger up there. Tiger suffered a puncture in his suit.

He is... He's not in the competition anymore. He's looking good for that little Irish kid. Can you hit a golf ball out of orbit on the moon? What's the... I'm sure... You know what? I'm going to just just google because i know somebody's already done that i wonder if you could or if no i was about to speculate on on

science that i couldn't possibly understand um the escape velocity from the surface of the moon is approximately 23 2380 meters a second in In conclusion, no. Alright. That's way more than I thought. How much more is that than Earth? Or how much less is that than Earth? Well, I guess, what's the percentage of gravity on the moon? Is it like 0.8? 0.6? Are we sure it's linear? I don't know. We need somebody smarter

than us. I'll handle this. It's all you. The moon's gravity is I'll handle this. It's all you. Moon's gravity is 83% of Earth's gravity. I'm sixth. Oh, wait. 83% less. So if you weigh...

Taylor, how much do you weigh? Actually, don't answer that. That's a personal question. It's like 200, yeah. Okay, 200. If you weighed 200 pounds, you would weigh... you weigh actually don't answer that that's a personal question it's like 200 yeah okay 200 if you weighed 200 pounds you would weigh well this website just doesn't work it's called moonconnection.com and it doesn't convert am i thin on the moon tucker no you're bloated because there's no pressure in the atmosphere oh no my head's even bigger on the moon just swells up taylor you're weighing 33 pounds wow wow with the suit on i guess i was like a

little bit skewed by the fact that i imagine like them running on the moon and i see these guys like running versus if you weigh 33 pounds i'm jumping 35 feet i'm doing push-ups all day not push-ups pull-ups i was going for doesn't matter what i want to do then is like load up a bench and just bench what if 200 pounds is 33 pounds dude you'd go viral on instagram let's do let's do it with one arm the bar is bending bending. It costs a trillion dollars to get it from Earth to the moon, but it'd be cool. You're right.

That's what I would do. It's like, what are you going to do with the 82 billion you just won? I'm going to bench for 1,600 pounds on the moon. Why? The first man to win 92 billion has gone in debt.

The first man to win 92 billion has gone in debt. But is it cool? How many likes did the post get though? No, people are calling it fake and gay. Fuck! Could have been fake and gay at home. I love that like little corner of youtube with like the weight lifting and workout people where there's like lifting cops like some woman in russia or something will be like uh a video be dead lifting 900 pounds and some like jack dude will be like fucking bullshit look at these plates and now

compare it to this plate here and let's cross let's cross section these and see what we see and it's like you just know these people didn't do any kind of math they're like like editing this advanced until they saw somebody faking their lifts and now they're all about it it's frying if you're like if you're like an expert like lifter and that's your bread and butter of life they saw somebody faking their lifts and now they're all about it it's good it's frying if you're like if you're like an expert like lifter and that's your bread and butter of life and you're like oh worked really hard got to 750 800 pound deadlift i don't fucking know what's that super impressive and then someone fakes that yeah that would piss you off yeah what's the guy's name is it brian castleberry is that his this is way out of my realm of things i know

are you talking about the world's strongest man oh no no he's not here brian caserby i brian shaw is the world's strongest man or uh he's been done it like four times jocks i don't he always pulls his pants down right before he lifts he's instagram famous he's jacked as fuck and almost almost as strong as he pretends to be uh he just does like before every lift he kind of pulls his pants down to like his dick root i don't know why it's like pants down weights up and he goes and it sounds awesome it's become like a mean box but like he'll be like doing 700pound benches for reps, and you're like, well, okay, look. I get that you're really strong,

but you're not that strong. You've exaggerated how strong you are. And he mixes in real and fake weights and such. People confront him at muscle and fitness shows. It's a thing. You know what sucks? No matter how hard you look online no clips of chimps or gorillas doing like

feats of strength they just don't do it we need to train a gorilla to weight lift so we can really see what they can do or see a silverback just pumping iron let's put steroids in those things let's have fun with it

we've talked about this iron let's put steroids in those things let's have fun with it i we've talked about this like i let's legalize steroids for a select group of people and put them all in a cage together and see what happens like just pump them full of everything and nothing no rules let's use eastern europeans or icelandic people because they're already scientifically thrice as strong as the rest of us, apparently. Because try and find a vowel in the world's strongest man competition. You can't. It's just a bunch of

B's and S's and T's. It's first of its best. What? One of the best guys ever is from Sumplin, Zavakia. And his name is like Sidris Zidrunius. And his name is like Cedrus Zydrunius. And it's like, man, you know that guy's yoked.

But it's that Eastern European strength where like if you saw him unloading boxes at the back of a truck at, you know, like you'd be like, yeah, that looks right. Because they've got like a big belly too. Yeah. That seems like a sport that's cool to do, but very high risk, low reward as far as money and shit. If you're the 10th strongest guy in the world, or I'll say 20th,

are you making money? I don't even know his name. He's American. I know Thor. He was the strongest last year the year before people only know who he is because he played the mountain and then brian shaw you only know i only know who he is because i've looked at his youtube channel and he's won it like five times but other than that it's like who the who who who are these people yeah no true. I mean, there's a lot of sports like that. I mean, like, what is the...

What's the 10th best competitive parkour tag player in the world do? Like, you know, like all these, like, off-brand ESPN, you know, the Ocho show. I mean, at least with weightlifting... No one on this show except me can name the best acrobatic paraglider pilot in the world. Right. And that goes to the audience. Yeah, who cares? Matt Woodworth.

It's not me. Yeah, you know, you just, like, go into weight training, and then you're... I know that Thor trains Dan Bilzerian, because I've seen him on Dan Bilzerian's Instagram page. So, like, there. There you go. Now he's a celebrity weight trainer.

Or, you know, like, I guess there's avenues there but even still you're right he's like top 10 top 5 yeah you do number 27 i'd love to see the mountain or brian shaw or one of those guys just try ufc just do super heavy wait uh is i thought super heavyweight was the one with no limit there is no super heavyweight. The heavyweight limit is 265. Oh, none of these guys would make it. Is that what... What's his face fought in?

The WWE guy? Brock Lesnar? Yeah. He was remarkable in that he had to cut to make 265. And I remember watching that fight, and it was a great fight, but also he was not a great fighter. You guys are way more into UFC,

but it was pretty interesting from somebody who doesn't watch. I was like, oh, he's kind of getting his ass beat. I thought this massive man, and I think he's fought before, right, in the UFC prior to that, or he's done stints? He's done a couple runs. He beat Mark Hunt, you might be thinking of. I think that was the most recent fight. He was a champion, and he won.

So he was the best for a little bit. And his technique, he was not the best pound-for-pound fighter, even at heavyweight, but he was so strong. In college, he had the same thing. He was a collegiate wrestler. He was a Division I wrestling champion who never lost. He went, I don't know if he lost his whole college career or if it was just his best year. All season

long, not a single person beat him. And his technique wasn't really better. He was just bigger and stronger. He was just gifted, medically enhanced, who the heck knows. But no one could beat him because of the physical tools he brought. Yeah, when he's like

I don't even watch, I've only watched like the clips online of him fighting and it's, it's hilarious when he's on top of somebody, you cannot see the person. You can see the two legs sticking out behind him. And then just the biggest back and shoulders of anyone on earth. And it's just smothering him. That's a wrestling thing too like it

i'm not a great wrestler right so like let's say that i was laying on you in such a way that we made like a capital l okay and uh go on you'd probably find your way out you're strong you twist over you're competent at rolling out of bed you did whatever wrestlers are so heavy like all my weight is on my elbow on your shoulder and you're just like pinned and that's what brock does to people he's something else i looked up his college record 106 and five so i want to know who the five were you know like who are those five like walking out of there like arms mangled and they're just like i did it guys like at what cost i won yeah that would that would fucking suck like they probably had to bring in actual chimps to be chimps rock has to be stronger than a chimp right chimps are insanely strong i'm not

saying gorilla am i under it i did this with tigers once i underestimated how big they were tigers are actually quite like a full-grown chimp is because when i think chimp i think like 80 to 120 year old child yeah 15 pushing it it says chimpanzees have been shown to be about four times as strong as humans comparable in size so is brock lesnar see no you might be right then because comparable in size. Because how much does a chimp weigh? Like 110 pounds? I just Googled that.

So 400 pounds? There's two kinds. As high as 130. 75 to 130, 88 to 130. It might be a good fight. Yeah, 130 pound chimp. Brock Lesnar's a 260, 280 pound guy come fight day. And he's really strong.

But also the chimp doesn't know basic rules, so you know it'd be like a street fight. It says, in chimps, the muscle fibers closest to the bones, those deemed to be the source of strength of both chimps and humans are much longer and more dense. So a chimp is able to generate much more power using the same

range of motion. Unlike humans, chimpanzees have less control over their dense. So a chimp is able to generate much more power using the same range of motion. Unlike humans, chimpanzees have less control over their muscles. As a result, sometimes chimps use more of their muscle strength than necessary. So like, whereas you would pick up, you know, a can of something, they would like pick it up and crush it on accident because they're, you know, not, I mean, we're pretty bright. We tend not to break things that we pick up. We're pretty fucking smart, guys. We are.

I've never done that. We rule at intelligence over the other animals. Like, even the smartest dog out there will eat shit. It will. Yeah. It's like, this is a show dog. He's really smart. Get that shit out of your mouth.

That one's frozen. He's carrying it around like a cigar. I take it dog? He's really smart. Get that shit out of your mouth. That one's frozen. He's carrying it around like a cigar. I take it back. He's not smart at all. Can they estimate the IQ of animals? Is that something they can do? Obviously, they can't take human IQ tests, but what would the IQ of a smart dog be, like 40?

I don't know. I think they tend to draw parallels to like humans right because you know like iq tests quantify i don't actually know what they quantify i've never taken one but i feel like they usually go like hey this dog is about as smart as an eight-year-old in that it understand or like a five-year-old and then it understands when you tell them to do this this and this it understands like the ramifications of its actions you know versus like it can do math according to this chart i pulled up and does is not sourced is researchgate.net i trust them over 130 very superior 120 to 129 superior 110 to 119 normal brilliant really it's nicer than superior and then less than or equal to 78

is mental retardation that's a narrow gap i'm just worried you know 80 to 110 does not give me good breathing room you know what i'm saying like that's like two two cans of whippets away from being mentally retarded oh this is nicer this is from the weschler uh intelligence test 69 and below they just have they just say it's extremely low. As if someone with that IQ is going to read a chart and be mad at it. Yeah. What's the IQ of a dog? Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

I thought you were going to pull up a graph that shows me the parallels of a dolphin, a cow a pig yeah i want to know what their iq is like i want an actual number you know if you told me a dog had a 55 iq then i just sort of map that to what a person would bring to the table animal iq chart man none of these look reliable that's what i'm saying you're but like does it not seem like you're trying to compare like a human test to something that can't take even a comparable thing? Okay, but I think that assumes that we can't do an IQ test without language. There has to be some sort of like, here's three boxes, make a ladder kind of IQ test. I'm saying they do have that, but it's not called an IQ test. There's got to be, you're right, there has to be the test that if you can recognize yourself in the mirror.

Yeah, self-actualization or whatever. Yeah, self-actualization. Is that all it takes to achieve self-actualization? I didn't realize I was so high on the… Well, the Turing test, you know, like the same thing. It's like all it is is one simple statement. But to get there is really difficult. I misunderstand self-actualization i thought it was like the top of the pyramid of some psychological needs thing

self something is what it is but uh like they even do that they can do tests like that with like little kids and see like and predict how smart they're going to be because like if a little baby is like already recognizing themselves in the mirror versus a little baby who has no concept that that's them, they can kind of draw a thing and be like, yeah, this kid's probably going to end up being smarter than this one. Shit like that's so interesting.

Yeah, I wonder... The number one on this list of Ranker.com, renowned scientific journal, is talking about how smart orangutans are and the whole clip of the orangutan is like it's literally David Attenborough sitting there like

the orangutan is so intelligent it notices tool use and will try to emulate it and it shows an orangutan who saw somebody use a saw holding the saw by the blade and going using the non-blade side on the board. It has a hammer

and it will put the nail on the board sideways and then hold it upside down and go like that with its orangutan strength until it's like pounded like this lateral ways into the board. With the side of the hammer. Yeah, I don't want to live in this home that this thing's built in. The framing so-so.

The crown molding sucks. Yeah, it's just terrible. The crown molding you hire. Instead of like Mennonites or Amish people, you hire a gang of chimps to build your home. Well, they're behind schedule and over budget.

I swear, four hours of the day, they're just throwing feces at one another. And every evening, they seem to tear off the scrotum of the week. I'm losing workers. I'm hemorrhaging money. The worst crew. I'm going to be honest, guys. I don't think I'm going to hire this specific group of gentlemen ever again.

I think they're going to... I'm going on Yelp for this. You're all fired. Bring in the silverbacks. Yeah. Well, three hours into day one, they'd killed all my dogs. Add insult to injury, they started eating them

in front of me, and I'm too afraid to tell them not to. Orangutans never seem athletic, right? Why is every orangutan like a fat old uncle of a chimp? Because they just need to swing. You know, it's like, orangutans are the baseball players of the animal kingdom. They just need to do one thing well,

and it's just, hit that ball, and they just kind of jog around. They just need to swing, and they don't have to do one thing well and it's just hit that ball and they just kind of jog around they just need to swing and they don't have to do much else and they're so strong they don't even look that strong like like there was a clip i was watching a while back i've got a huge mental log of monkey clips and ape clips in my in my brain and it was an orangutan who was just you know when they sit down they look job of the hut like just like a semi-melted ice cream cone look like one of them is sitting there and david attenborough whoever was like this male weighs over 400 pounds and it reached up with one arm and with ease from the ground just pulled

itself up and started swinging one arm 400 pounds just just a day in the life and they have to be fast swingers because the way orangutans reproduces through rape like like a huge amount of the animal well wait if the women were fast swingers there'd be no more babies well that's that's what i'm saying like the women uh orangutan swings super fast so then a bitch made orangutan isn't gonna catch him and she's not gonna get bitch made orangutan genes if he catches her it's like that evolutionary test of like ah he's a quick boy he's gonna give me quick boy orangutan babies and so uh so yeah they they reproduce raping one another jesus them and. Ducks do that too. And they've got that crazy ass,

uh, like cork penis that like, it's like a, yeah, it's like a, a pipe cleaner almost where it's like super long and thing. And it just goes and shoots out. You know,

all animals reproduce through rate. Kinda. Uh, a lot of animals do, uh, like a lot of animals do, but but like i'm like some penguins mate for life and they're like invested you know that's like a thing yeah yeah but i mean i i would not be surprised if a large amount of animals even i would even i would even posit like the majority

probably do right dolphins i don't think are romantic. It's because most animals don't even get enjoyment from sex. It's just a pure instinctive drive where it's like, this is just what we do. What is it? Just like dolphins and giraffes are it? Yeah. I think dogs get enjoyment from sex. Really?

Well, they practice on stuffed animals and shit, so I guess they like it. Yeah, maybe. Because dolphins like it. Yeah because dolphins like it uh yeah dolphins and giraffes i know are are two animals that at the very least like have sex or or or enjoy it more than just for reproductive stuff giraffes i'd never heard that i didn't know i think maybe i'm just thinking of i'm pretty sure that all right here we go what animals have sex for fun i searched that and then so we've got uh we've

got all of the chimp you know chimpanzees and all the all the muck you know just our closest relatives are banging it out anteaters let's go um bonobos are crazy bonobos are whores they're yeah they trade it wait what was that that like they would literally trade sex for like sticks or something or like snacks or something like that oh yeah like they did those uh those things like studies with bonobos or chimps one of those two like i know bonobos almost like a subsection of like smaller chimp that's a different like sociability but they would like put a vending machine among the monkeys and they get little coins and they figured out oh fuck yeah put a coin in here grapes come out i get grapes and within like two days they recognize the female chimps having sex with the male chimps it's for their coins and then the female goes over and

just like hella grapes i'm looking up how hot bonobos are because I got a pocket full of starbursts and some blue chew in the nightstand. The thing will bite all of your fingers off. Female cheetahs and lions and fruit bats engage in oral sex. That's tight. That's pretty sick. How much of that is them wanting to do it

or just like not getting it? They're just like, I don't know how to do it yeah there's there's not a lot of animals that fuck for like fun yeah there's enough i mean i guess we do it enough for the rest of the animal kingdom well you you may i'm not yeah too down on yourself my man it counts if you're alone, Tucker. It does.

So you got some good numbers. Jack them up. Jack them up. I like what you did there. I have a topic kind of longish. You guys interested in this relationship advice from Reddit? Yes, but before we get into that relationship advice. Okay.

I want to hear from our friends over at Blue Chew. Let's talk about sex. Good sex. Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go? Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed. Listen up. BlueChew.com. That's blue like the color blue.

B-L-U-E. BlueChew.com brings you the first chewable with the same FDA-approved ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. So you know it's the real deal and it's the stuff that works. You can take them anytime, day or night, even on a full stomach. And since they're chewable, they work up to twice as fast as a pill, so you can be ready whenever an opportunity arises. Now, this isn't just for guys with dysfunction. It's for any guy who wants extra function and to enhance the performance in the bedroom.

Blue Chew is prescribed online and shipped straight to your door in a discreet package, so no in-person doctor's visit, no waiting in the pharmacy, and best of all, no more awkwardness. They're made in the USA, and since Blue Chew prepares and ships direct, they're cheaper than a pharmacy. Right now, we've got a special deal for our listeners. Visit bluechew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our special promo code PKA. Just pay $5 and ship it. Once again, that's bluechew.com, promo code PKA. Just pay $5 and ship it. Once again, that's B-L-U-E-CHEW.com. Promo code PKA.

Try it free. Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice, and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast. Kind of a neat deal, right? If you told me it only costs $5 to know what it was like to strap a supercharger on my truck, I'd see. Well, you want to put a supercharger on your cock five bucks in the coupon code pka boom you're you guys don't want to lose money on this get yourself a hard dick and and it's going to be hard for a long time about 10 minutes

to sign up on the website ask you some questions questions like, do you have this or that? I forget. Maybe high blood pressure. Whatever. It's on the website. And the doctor will look it over, see if you're okay. And if you're a good candidate,

they ship it to you. Yeah. And every month now, I get my shipment of custom medicine. As if somebody would see that and be like, yeah, this is probably for not dicks. If you see a package that says custom medicine, you kind of put the pieces together. But yeah, it's discreet packaging.

Get yourself a hard dick and enjoy it. And you'll enjoy it on a special kind of mattress that we'll talk about later. I feel like if your packaging gets discreet enough, it circles back around the suspicious. Like, this doesn't say Amazon on it. This doesn't say QVC on it. This is like no return address packaging.

If I ran one of those dick store shipping things, it'd be like, the shipping, it makes no mention of the fact that it's dick pills, and then it would show up and say like severe herpes you're like well at least they don't know it's my erectile dysfunction medicine the guy in the commercial is like looking coyly like my neighbors think I have a therapy. But really, my dick doesn't work. Anywho, you had a relationship?

I do. It's a little longish, so buckle up. Let's strap in, boys. Put on your reading glasses, you old... How are you throwing stones how are either of you throwing stones alright my wife

38 year old female is convinced that she's pregnant even though every pregnancy test store bought and medical comes back negative we didn't do this one right no I have no recollections it's taking a toll on our marriage because she thinks I'm going to abandon her and our twins this is all over the place I'm going to abandon her and our twins.

This is all over the place. I really need help. My wife and I 42 year old male had been married for two years, but together for 15, all this time, we'd either decided not to have kids or had problems getting pregnant. After some medical testing, we found out that it was near impossible to get pregnant due to a medical

issue with her. We were thinking of adopting when one day she came home and told me she was expecting. I was super happy. A week later, we had an appointment at the gyno and she had some blood drawn. The test came back negative and I was devastated, but she wasn't. She claimed that she was pregnant and the doctor was wrong. We took some more store-bought ones and they all came back negative. My wife is in complete denial she

now claims we're having twins she's buying them clothes and decorations and she's pressuring me to start with the nursery i'm at a loss and i don't know what to do my inaction is making her believe that i want to leave them and then i'm going to doom my wife into the life of a single mom harsh what the f is even happening i love, and I don't know what to do. There's a follow-up. Whew. Yeah. That's more sad than it is funny.

Yeah. That's honestly a mental health issue. Yeah. She's 38, so she's probably in panic mode. Update. I called up our primary doctor and told him about the problem he seemed very concerned and he wanted us to come in the next morning he said it was important to

be gentle but not to feed in her into her delusions i sat down and we talked all she wanted was to talk about when i would get the nursery started and that we were on a time crunch and that she's found the perfect color for the room and she wants me to be more involved in her pregnancy i tried to be very calm but i was perturbed by seeing her that way i asked her to go to the doctor with me tomorrow and she said yes and that she wanted to check on her babies either way now i took some advice and words that you gave me about being calm and asked a bit why she thinks she is pregnant without calling her delusional so i did you kept changing the topics and saying that a mother just feels it you wouldn't know know how it is. And then I told her that I loved her very much and said that I would never think of leaving her, but we needed to go to the doctor

to confirm her gut feeling. She got very agitated and was crying and telling me that I wanted to leave her and that I should simply leave, but I shouldn't call her a liar. Somehow I managed to calm down enough for her to go to sleep. After she did, I went on her computer. I never snoop on her, but I remembered a commenter pointing out in forms about cryptic pregnancy. So I went to look for it. I think I'm pronouncing that right. Oh boy. She was in two Facebook groups. One was a normal mommy Facebook group, and the other was a group about women that believe they were pregnant in the normal group she would post updates about her symptoms and pictures of her belly and her story about how she was almost never able to have children but due to the grace

of god that kissed her tummy the gift of life was given to her and how she was compensated all these years of suffering with twins in the other group the women were quite literal literally excuse me here fucking insane they were feeding into each other's delusions one woman said that she was almost two years pregnant and sometimes it just takes longer my wife would post there complaining about doctors that don't take her seriously and about me so many women were making her fear that i would leave saying things like men just can't stick to a woman. Many recounted their stories about how their marriages broke down because their spouses could not handle the pregnancy. I was really fucking scared. I

researched phantom pregnancies and read that it could be a sign of schizophrenia. To say the least, I couldn't sleep. I was and still am very afraid of losing her. She woke up and tried to act like nothing was wrong. We were going to the doctor. It was as if nothing had happened yesterday. She was convinced that we were going for a pregnancy checkup. Things got really bad when we began talking to the doctor. He was really tactful when talking to my wife. He tried to explain to her that it was medically impossible that she was pregnant.

We tried to show her the tests, the ultrasound that we did the day before, but nothing. Ah, women. She did not calm down and went in on a full-on panic attack. She couldn't breathe. The doctor laid her down and tried giving her some medicine to help her relax, but it did not help as he didn't have the necessary tools to treat a panic attack that was that bad. She had to go to the hospital where they did take care of her. They did an EKG to exclude that she was suffering from a heart attack. At that point, I had really no other option but to inquire about the involuntary commit. So I couldn't, I'm sorry, so I could not do it myself. My doctors, I needed my doctor's statement that she was a danger to herself and others, and I had to initiate the process of an involuntary examination of 72 hours.

After that, we would have to submit a written statement to the court to determine whether or not she should stay there against her will. So far, I have submitted all of her posts in both Facebook groups as well as the test we did with timestamps when possible. My wife is two days in the three-day examination and I have no contact with her. When I last left her, she was furious with me. She said that I was taking away her freedom, which I am. I felt horrible, dirty, and useless. She is so furious with me. She said that I was taking away her freedom, which I am. I felt horrible, dirty, and useless. She is so mad at me. I feel like I'm abandoning her and don't know how she

will ever forgive me for this. I love her with all my heart. I'm afraid that what will happen is the courts will decide that I can't commit her and how our life will be affected. I feel like I failed to protect her. At this point, I'm just rambling rambling sorry for the long post but i guess i needed to vent and there's some updates here i'm not gonna leave her you unempathetic dickheads you know i guess that was reddit's thing she's not a fucking psycho she's sick i hope no one none of your loved ones ever has to go through this because you're her support network consists of dickheads etc um dude man this is really sad that's like that yeah that there's like what do you that's not a relationship problem that's literally a how do you deal with somebody who's having a a uh i don't know what's the correct term not psychotic mental

breakdown a mental breakdown like in another an elongated one not just a single instance but one that is going arguably to alter her life forever like this is a very major thing and you know what what do you do i don't even know if like i feel i feel like he did everything he should do but the danger here is yeah he they they sit the courts like well she's not gonna hurt anyone she's just thinks she's pregnant. And then what do you do? Yeah, that's that. I'm not even a woman, but I can't even imagine how heartbreaking that is to be 38 and like convincing yourself that you're finally pregnant. And every bit of empirical evidence you have says no. And so you start breaking down. And this guy is going through hell and back too because like i agree with dougar he's doing exactly what he should do it sucks and it's tough love but what are you gonna let your wife believe

that delusion for two years and then eventually she'll come crashing down harder than ever when that baby doesn't show up or she doesn't come crashing down and like like what do you like what how do you have a normal conversation with somebody it's like yeah i'm pregnant still and they're like well how long have you been pregnant for two years and she's like yes there's no way that if i was meeting somebody or even like had a casual connection with somebody they said that to me i'd immediately straight to my phone like so listen this person is actually not well like there's no rational way to kind of diffuse that situation. And, and I get that, you know, I can, I can sympathize with the, like, like you said, with the intense, uh, and,

and difficult way of like understanding that you can't have a kid. My mom, I remember going to the fertility center, like every damn month with my parents because my mom could not conceive another kid so after like six years we adopted my sister uh you know but like that i understand that they're like this is a more common thing than than people talk about it's like you just can't get pregnant like you're infertile or there's a medical condition that means you can't get pregnant so it's crazy there's that's terrible one of the comments was was pretty cool there are online communities for cryptic pregnancy that encourage women to believe they're pregnant when they're not.

And against their doctor's advice, these often involve claims of having twins after a negative test. Be aware of this. And the guy goes on to say he's not a medical expert, but he describes these women who fit all these patterns. They've wanted children for a long time. They've been unsuccessful at it all the tests come back negative yet they create i want to call it a support group because support's

not a not a word that fits here but this like mutual insanity group where they all you know encourage it's a mass delusion is what it is yeah but i mean like is this so far-fetched and this may be grasping but is this like a far-fetched thing so much more far-fetched than like say believing in in some like in a cult or like or falling victim to you know people who are convincing you like yeah you you can do x y or z i i like it's it's a it's this is not like a standalone thing that I'm like, I can't believe this has happened. Right. It's like one facet of a wide variety of different categories that people all fit into the same,

you know, I don't think you're going too far saying a cult at all. Cause like, there's like rules in like establishing whether or not something is like cultish where it's like, and I don't know, sequestering you from your friends and family, uh,

telling them to deny the reality that's told to them by everyone around them accusing people everyone of lying or of intentionally disbelieving you like like i'd have to look up the actual list but yeah this this seems like like just total maladaptive behavior promoted by a bunch of delusional people and the internet has done some bad stuff in that way where there are communities like this all over the place where people are fucking delusional and they get reinforced with it like you can look at uh you can look at incel communities where i was like i was pissed when they banned incel because it was one hilarious it was it was great nothing will ever be as bad as when they banned fat people hate on reddit because that was nothing motivated me like going on there like and seeing like

there'd be someone who was like like just my level of overweight and they'd be like fucking fat hog and i'd be like oh i'm not gonna snack tonight after that one like and so that was that was good but anyway like yeah those like the incel thing where it's a bunch of people being like oh it's not just that you can't get laid it's that women are all the same they're fucking evil they only sleep with chad they only the tippity top 0.01 of men is somehow having enough time and stamina through blue chew 85 of women and all of us you know and then they'll convince themselves like all these other guys who say they're getting laid fucking liars they're not chads they're just they're just dudes lying to themselves women only do this and then some other guy will be like yeah hundred percent. It's like, it's just a feedback loop of misinformation and delusion.

The like Reddit, Reddit, because I go on it a ton, but Reddit specifically in the only like community that I can bring up that's like active and does it right now is like live stream fail, which is a community specifically devoted to Twitch clips and whatever. Like watching that over the course of four or five years of you know almost every day i'll go there just see like what's the drama it used to be a subreddit for any clip that was like that's cool that's a win like that's a fail right anybody it doesn't doesn't matter who it is like the it is like the twitch version of reality tv you'll have like five people getting posted but it's um it's like a cesspool of um of like this this girl this korean streamer

with 23 views bent over seductively like fuck this person i can't believe that she's not banned yet and i'm like we're like you have so much there's this one user who posts so many clips from so many different streams and i'm like how did you find this what were you doing at 2 30 p.m or a.m on a wednesday with this viewer or with the stream where you clip this 10 second point where she adjusted her bra and you're like, can't believe she's not banned. It's like when you get this all like you said it right positive or this feedback loop of people affirming your biases or doing whatever. It's hard to break free because you've got so many of them, even if it's like 20. That's still a ton of people being like, you're right. Don't listen to that person.

They never really thought that you were right. never really they're not gonna humor you like we care about you we believe you it's it's really dangerous it's a drug there's reasonable people on the right and left of politics and then there are crazy town people who really thought that there were i guess maybe there are little pedophile rings but you know that that they're the comet pizza thing that's a basement and this and that. Epstein was the thing, but you go to the edges of this thing, and you select your own

news sources until you just reinforce what you believe to be true, and you go farther and further and further to the right or to the left. Yeah, this is what happens when you choose your own news. This is what happens with Discord. Discord.

You're not seeing all of those. Discord harbors alt-right and neo-Nazis. And I'm like, I'm sure it does. I'm also sure that it harbors child porn and everything, just like any other major network could do. You know what else harbors everything? Like the telephone harbors kkk communications they're using it to facilitate their next meetup yeah but no one blames the phone right but but as soon as it's skype or something now it's a place where they all meet yeah or as soon as it's yeah you can't police the phone lines i mean yeah

i guess i guess that is something that somebody could argue. It's just, it's kind of crazy. It's the internet's a drug. I could not, I'm firmly in the camp that I'm addicted to it. I can take breaks. I could probably disconnect myself entirely if I didn't work in the industry, but I don't really want to. I have no desire to. There's a lot of benefits and positives that come from it,

but there's a lot of people that fall into the same tendencies of like, this is my home now this is my group these are my people and no matter what they believe or no matter no matter what they're preaching like i'm gonna get behind it because it feels good i'm like you but i don't admit my addiction yeah all those things describe me except the part of acceptance that's that that that's a that's not i i, you said we got a long one. And I was like, let me hear about this fucking guy.

But it's just like, oh. Oh. Makes me feel bad for them. I thought it was funny. Captivating. It is. It is captivating. It's definitely an interest.

Like, this was not something that I was aware of. I knew that there are people that believe that they are pregnant when they're not. But I did not know that there was like a god i don't want to say support a network of people that would feed into this for years like so far beyond the rational or even like pseudo-rational level of like i'm still probably pregnant like six months okay okay like all right but two years that's not even yeah you're an insane person elephants don't even gestate that long like come on big ass babies give birth to jumbo so like yeah it is pretty fucked like it's it's almost like its own kind of munchhausen's like i'm sorry what like its own

kind of munchhausen syndrome i've heard it i don't can you refresh my memory on that it's where people like there's munchhausen's by proxy where like usually women or moms will be convinced that their child has a debilitating disorder and takes them to doctors all the time as a roundabout way to get attention for themselves and sympathy and then there's munchausen's like regular which is like you think that you always have a thing that's unique to you and no matter what they do they can't take care of it and they think it's like a like a circumventing route to get attention so it seems like almost like like the positive version of that maybe like not positive but like the i'm not dying from a rare disease they haven't diagnosed but i'm gonna have birth to twins between 16 and 22 months from now yeah i, I don't know. The fact that she wanted to have kids and couldn't

is the lens I keep looking at it through. So now rather than accept her awful reality, she's just picked a different one. Created, yeah, created her own. Just sad. Can we watch a guy jerk off on an airplane now? I was hoping we would. Oh, Taylor's gone.

Yeah, we'll wait for taylor to come back i do need taylor for i'm like 80 sure we haven't watched this video before but i don't want you need him to verify i do i do i don't want to watch it like it's all new again when the audience has seen it see that's the beauty of being like you know in your upper 40s you can enjoy the same joke twice i have i have many a time than doing like a friday stream where i watch a bunch of meme videos you know and i tend to go through like one every one every friday and then i've come across like reposts in the year that i've done this and i'm cracking up and then i look over the chat and everybody's like bro he saw this

like two weeks ago and i'm like i don't remember just it's funny right now i'm glad you did that because i do that sometimes too i have i have terrible memory issues you know or short term especially like i just can't remember shit so probably all the weed that i smoke you know probably feeds into that but yeah i'm happy it's like uh short-term memory is kind of a good thing when it comes to comedy do you think taylor will come back with the dog he already came back oh you think that he's going to get the dog the new one i might misread it i my impression was that someone else was getting the dog during the show so he said he said delivered he said the dog would be delivered so i thought that that meant that whomever the breeder was was going to drive to his home and drop the dog off. That does make sense.

I don't know why when I heard delivered, like that's not how you describe your girlfriend going to go get the dog, but I mapped that onto it. Oh, and you thought that maybe he has to go and assist or something like that? Yeah. She's going to go deliver the dog or something. I don't know.

No, no, I thought it's not what delivered. Yeah. I'm sure you're right so dude you're live a streamer i've been live streaming more recently like i on twitch yes yes yeah i i i kind of had it in my head like maybe i'd like this maybe i should do it for a week or two before my first time and then i watched a hutch live stream which was just really kind of chill conversation with the subs and i was like ah i'm gonna do it that way and it was cool i enjoyed myself

and i've done it i don't even know five or six times in the last two weeks yeah i mean streaming the biggest like drawback i think streaming is my favorite thing to do just in terms of playing video games like i you know i rarely if my friends aren't on i don't play video games alone period like i don't know the last time i played a video game alone just for myself for whatever reason outside of maybe like super smash brothers to get better but even then few and far in between but chat it's like um at least the way that i run my stream is it's a big it's like a giant couch i'm on it and everybody's got something to say about the game about you about some random story like there's always

conversation or something to pay attention to so um but yeah like hutch is a great example of a relaxed laid-back casual streamer the biggest drawback is the fucking time commitment you got it if you really wanted to i know you're not concerned with this but if you wanted to do that for your job it's an everyday multiple hour thing so yeah yeah my streams um they they've been my last one was six hours which i think nice i don't know if that is what that is i used prior to this month my uh my i would stream for about four and a half hours a day every day though oh yeah so i'm streaming two or three times a week and yeah or might be closer to my average like i i one time i intended to stream longer but hope needed accounting

homework help so i just yeah i mean that's that's like four four is a good amount anything like two two hours and under i almost i almost just don't stream like if i have something a very small window it's like what's what's the point like i get like a couple games then it's not for me like a stream is like a it's like a movie not like a short film episode you know if i have 30 minutes i'm not gonna go watch an episode of the office before i have to leave i'm just not gonna do that i want to do it more for fun like just fucking around like not like uh i'm live sundays and tuesday or whatever the hell just you want to play a game and you want i'm popping on

and i want people to make jokes with me oh yeah it did so lately i've been streaming borderlands 3 and oh nice love they've made it better so i like i've played all the borderlands before so i'm not new to the series and borderlands has a thing I don't like, which is like, all right, you're going back to Sanctuary, which is a safe city. You can't get hurt. I know you know it, but the audience might not. And like, all right, so you need to run to this corner,

then run to that corner, and take your trinket and give it to Miley, and then take the knowledge she gave her, now talk to Riley, and then go say hi to Moxie. And you're like, dude, I've been running for 18 minutes. There's no chance to mess it up. I'm just navigating a simple maze.

I'm chatting and my teammates are getting all that done. I think that they're happy with it. I'm happy with it. I'm like, dude, you're making Borderlands better by handling some of the fetchy type stuff that NJ. Borderlands has always been very fetchy type stuff that it's borderlands has always been very fetchy this is uh outside of like some optimization issues this is my favorite uh like

i'm like you i played every single one i played the telltale game version i'm a big fan um of them but they've done a good job in making like even the side missions are really fun and the in the fetch missions or the like the there's no like escorts or there's very few escort missions and then the fetch missions aren't um that big of a pain in the ass because you can fast travel from anywhere so if it's like on the other end of the map that you're on instead of driving for five minutes or running for 20 is fast travel there some people like to run all the way back that's fine but if i just want to go turn this thing in i just teleport there and i'm good like Like, or,

you know, it makes it bearable because borderlands one was a grueling running sim. It was fucked up. And there was, there's a couple little, now we're in borderlands talk, but you can walk up to the ammo. It's like a vending machine.

Like you'd get Coke from. Yeah. And one button refill all your ammo. Yeah. And it's like, all right, perfect. It's the quality of life changes.

They finally got them. They're like, I don't know if, so because I talked to the chat, sometimes I lose my team. And they've run all the way across the map and done what we need to do. You can fast travel to your team always. Oh, you do that. It's just nice. My chat helped me with that.

And the people playing the game or watching me play sometimes know more than me. So there's like good hints. 100% of the time they know more than me. And you'll run into this like the if you play single player games i put mine in sub only mode and i'll just permaban you because you know you get overzealous backseat gamers who will literally like they'll come in and be like so this complex puzzle in this game that you're playing you're for your first time and you're like trying to enjoy it they'll be like they'll literally just paste in an unavoidable way like the most simplistic way to solve it it'll be like one three four two and i'm like that's the code that i haven't even

discovered yet and i have two missions to figure out and then you'll put it in you're like okay great thanks man so you know the overzealous like i want to help two guys they need to settle down sometimes yeah well you've got a people watching you. There's going to be 1% with bad social skills. No, 10%. Right, well, big numbers like that. Yeah, it's going to be... I want to stream with Jericho and be a bad influence on his... Like the liability that...

Hey, I will say, PKA has an incredible... i don't know if it's people that have come from pka to my channel or if it's people that exist in twitch that watch pka but all but like almost universally um every single stream i have somebody come in and talk about some real sweet kids or something like that or like and somebody will come in somebody came in the other day and said the old phrase. And like five or six people were like, not in public. Real sweet kids. Not outside. I was like, oh, see, you guys are lurking.

Like there's so many people around. PKA has had a big impact for, like, I don't know. The Sailing La Vagabonde guys will come. They're YouTubers who sail around the world. Yeah, I remember. You showed me them here. Okay. And yeah, you look through their comments.

People are still like RSK, baby, et cetera. Joe Lozon, UFC fighter, has a big fan base overlap with us now. Steve Hofstetter did it. And then because the business model for a comedian is they get sort of known, then it becomes easier for them to fill out club over club. Right. Well, the RSK guys kind of vocally support them. They'll be like, I saw you. They'll tell them i learned about you from pka well that's helped us get other comedians you know like people in steve hofstadter's circle and that's kind of nice

using using gaming fan and i'm not to go into too like too in depth because this ties into a nda thing that i'm working on but but like gaming fans are, are in like disproportionately. Um, God, I don't want to say this in any way. Like this is strictly marketing speak. You know, if you guys are watching this, you're like, I can't believe we're just numbers to you, but like, they're, they're very, uh, uh, they, they're very easily attached and malleable to, to things that, um, are, are presented to them in an appealing way. So like if, if X streamer is like,

hey, I really like this game, they are infinitely more likely to jump in and play that game than if Michael Jordan was on it, saying like, hey, I like this game. And I'm almost certain that it has a lot to do with the amount of on-air time and direct interaction that you have on Reddit or on Twitter or whatever I have on stream,

where it builds up a a way more personal connection than just i watch that guy on tv it's like you know i'll meet a viewer from who's been watching for two months and it's the same level reaction as somebody who's like a five-year you know viewer it's just a long term and and a little bit deeper connection that tends to make you know like fandoms grow and spread easier. So literally like an advertising like term, like frequency and saturation, the more frequency you hit somebody with something and the more saturated,

like a higher percentage of their total consumed media percentage. Like it, it's more influential. And I think just the nature of Twitch and YouTube and things like this, it's pretty apparent that someone like all of us, we're just normal fucks. Yeah. Even subnormal.

Yeah, subnormal. I'm retarded. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm kind of retarded. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm kind of retarded. Best quote ever. I love it. Yeah. It's so yeah fucking funny let him build back on twitter

come on it was so good his account was hilarious i wonder and we keep talking about it it doesn't hasn't changed but they canceled him right yeah did it work uh in a way it did because like basically we live in like a technocracy as far as communicating with one another. I heard someone describe in the 90s and early 2000s, there were thousands of websites on the internet with people talking about all of their shit. Now there's people talking about all that same shit on four websites and they're heavily curated. And instead of being like they're like treading a line between curator and publisher, like they're like they'll hide behind the publisher thing and be like, whoa, we're just a publishing outlet. We just let people say what they're going to say. And then they'll ban people and be like, well, we have an obligation to curate our content.

And here's a bullshit advertising reason behind it. And they're treading that line. And like, I don't think there's any, any board of any company that large that I trust with curating public discourse. Cause that's where discourse occurs in the modern day online on these handful of websites.

I don't agree with the advertising thing is bullshit. I know that you can select away a lot of bad people or say I just want to show up on, say, Philly D, but just the same, you know, platforms get poisoned by bad stuff. They happen with 4chan and 8chan, you know? If you go to 4chan all the time, you're like, I really just like anime a lot and naked cartoons.

I'm not about all this racist stuff, but the racist stuff exists there the cp exists there and that spoils the rest of the site yeah i don't think 4chan was ever a large advertising uh not a large one but i use it as an extreme example because it got in trouble uh yeah and you know it was getting in trouble way back when i was using it too and that was years ago um what was i gonna say but yeah and it is difficult like if you i mentioned the phone company right no one blames the phone company for anything because they don't do any censorship and no one expects the phone company

to be able to say you know this guy should be able to talk and this guy shouldn't it's just a heck but then it becomes goes from the phone company to a typed out thing whether it be aol back in the day or reddit right now they're like you're forming a community of people that hate on people so they censor it and now all of a sudden the phone company parallel fell apart and so what do you want from them you want them to be straight up 4chan and 8chan do you want them to be the new york times like where everything's a dichotomy like if you allow free speech that stuff's not just going to crop up like some of it will yeah but free speech isn't around to protect already safe mainstream opinions like yeah people who say edgy and ridiculous and outlandish shit they should have

their ability to have communities online like that's that's what free speech is and when people say you know well but you know twitter has the the right to do this that and the other thing just make your own twitter and it's like you boomer to your retard that's not how shit works the jailbait subreddit was really popular they posted pictures of underage girls in bikinis that's's literally illegal. No, it's not. Not bikini pictures and such. It wasn't naked. It wasn't CP. It was kids. I think that's legal. I don't think

it is legal to post sexualized pictures of children. It wasn't sexualized photos. It would be like a family photo where the whole family's at the pool and just crop out the dad and the mom or even don't do that and then you know she's like 14 yeah how long was that for him i've heard it was it was a thing on reddit from for a while like that was that was like one of their first big banning like things like all right we got to get rid of the jailbait guys like this is too much

yeah right i think i'm sorry no go for it i was i was done with it okay reddit kind of didn't censor and then with jailbait they're like all right sometimes i guess we got a censor and uh and then you know they just start reaching out go ahead i don't think there's a centralized area where you can have rational people um even i think reddit is probably as close as you can get to a um centralized uh like site that has diverse groups where none of them really have to interact with each other if they don't want to but like even if reddit was not owned by a corporation it was by some random dude who was like everything's fucking good even child porn like everything's good just do whatever you want there's no way that normal people normal being like tommy who's a who's like a cashier at you

know walgreens like tommy is probably not going to wake up every morning and go on reddit once he knows that or go on this centralized thing once he knows like there's child porn on here and you could accidentally run into it if you just were looking around randomly like i feel like there's a a line in the sand that once people are made aware of something that they don't agree with or something that's illegal or something that's like really adverse to their tastes is in the same area as them they're just gonna avoid it entirely you know like if there was an apartment building and one of the rooms had like a drug den you might like all the other apartments are cool but the guy down the corner is like yeah maybe i don't want to live here anymore like that guy all the way over there

kind of messing fucking shit up for everybody else that's a real i love that analogy i i think i'll use that one yeah no but every once in a while a gem comes out of there. That's what I keep searching. I've sifted through my shit for years. No gem. But similar to that woman who's delusional about pregnancy, it's only a matter of time. So far it's just corn and what seems to be peanuts. Side note, got to switch up my diet diversity.

Yeah, yeah. You have an apartment building, there's just one drug den. The whole building gets smeared. That's what happens with those creepy like Spider-Man fucks Ella videos on YouTube. You know, it impacts YouTube's entire reputation. Even though, like Taylor says, Pepsi can make sure their advertisements don't show on that one, it still becomes a ruined apartment building. Taylor, can you click that? Did we watch this already? No, you're good.

I thought I was beating that topic into the ground. Trashy. I don't think we have. I've only watched the first one second, though. This isn't that Asian guy freaking out. This one's a gem. No, there's no Asian guys in this. Okay, I'm ready on this.

Can we queue up at zero? Yep. Ready, set, play. Okay, I'm ready on this. Can we queue up at zero? Yep. Ready set play Oh, I feel a cool guy of the week coming on. That's what I'm going for It's so obvious Practicing his dice He's practicing his shoe shiny. Oh, Jesus! Fuck, it looks so...

He's on his phone. What? No. Oh, shit. Why would you confront this guy? What about you, actually? You hear him laughing? actually laughing he's not even denying it really Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! They're all fighting.

Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? Vasya, what nationality are you? He's got to put it away.

He's like, well, you broke my flow now. I'm just going to zip this back up. You know, when we talked about girls earlier and being confident, that's confidence. Beating off on a Southwest flight. Under a thin communal blanket i uh i feel like well i i recognize the hypocrisy because i brought this topic to the show but that guy who recorded it was a dick is anyone else that's hilarious all right i think that you can there's a there's like a uh i feel like it's okay in that sense to to shame but i just would take that video and and and send

it to my like i would probably i would take that video and post it back this dude's beating off on the airplane but i would not get up on the flight and he's like yelling he's like this dude's beating there's nowhere to go you're on the same metal tube for presumably hours like what do you do can we get quibble cop in here in case that's one of the languages he speaks get some translation oh my god that's risky business because like that guy may be like well i was just gonna beat off now i'm gonna blow up the plane because i got caught and i can't let this video hit the ground so i would want to see i'd want to watch till his completion on the camera and then see the cleanup maneuvers what happens does he get up and go to the bathroom does he ask you know he was gonna ball it up in that in that

provided blanket and then some hostess was going to have to clean it up. He wasn't going to take that out of the plane and throw it away. Sharon, I dropped one of the blankets, and it shattered. It smells bleachy. Oh, no. Yeah. That's really funny. Good for him.

Which one is the cool guy of the week the uh the the masturbator or the cameraman the guy they're both pretty cool i think the masturbator is a cool guy of the week like we've all been on long flights and you're bored and maybe you just you know you're just like fuck but go to the airplane bathroom yeah and even don't do that man or at least stand in the aisle just beat off when you get back to your hotel or something yeah or stand in the aisle just assert dominance exactly do you guys just walk up to the hottest person with an aisle seat he's like getting himself hard making me feel weird line for the bathroom just yeah that guy that guy's a stitch

and and his like response to it was just like a wave of the phone like get out of here yeah like yeah he was he was significantly less like what all right so hypothetically speaking you're jerking it and that guy had like what do you do to mitigate the situation did you did he play it right just by saying nothing and staring at the wall or like what like what's your what's your i don't think he's gonna i mean unless there's a shoe under there with a shining kit that you can pull out and be like what i was falsely accused then i i don't know that there was a better move right he got busted jacking off and in a window seat of an airplane and he just did the whole like

bro let me off here give me a warning yeah i'm just i'm impressed like, bro, let me off here. Give me a warning. Yeah. I'm impressed. He felt comfortable sending it. That was a pretty direct line of sight. The guy wasn't even leaning. He was just probably looked over and was like, he's beating it. You know what I mean?

There was nothing. That's the kind of thing. Yeah. You could be watching your own iPad movie and notice a bit of jerk in the periphery and look over there and the only way to salvage that is to like just be like this is a social experiment and i was seeing how long it would take uh someone look look my dick's off let me show you my dick that's another social experiment you let me show you all right now that you're watching it's kind of hard again because that's my thing any time you get caught doing anything bad like cutting in line just be like this has been a social experiment and you passed flying colors hey there's a camera when they look you just run

there's a camera you're on this is just johnny knoxville and this is beat off on a Delta domestic plane. That was Lufthansa. The Jerker. Was his brain just ruined with a bath of horny chemicals that made him think that this was a reasonable idea? He's like a porn addict. The launch sequence had initiated. Now there was no stopping him until he finished or got recorded on camera. I look at that and I say that was clearly a bad move. He does not have the privacy that he thinks he has.

I mean, it was clearly. Yeah, did he think that he had that privacy in some sort of stew of horniness chemicals in his head that's made it seem like a good idea? You know what would be even funnier is if he put his phone down and it was playing like an Olsen Twins movie. Oh, no. That's what it was even worse no i swear i was looking at porn i was looking at wait what was he jerking like he was he had to be doing something

with a locally saved thing because you know you're not streaming shit on that airplane wi-fi and you're sure you know i mean like he had to have if you're willing to beat off on an airplane you're willing to stream porn on the airplane you're willing to stream porn on the airplane no he's talking about the data the bandwidth oh you can't you get high enough you don't fly enough you'll fly yeah i never buy i never buy the in-flight wi-fi just bring a book or something it's about as it's about as useful now now like right now you can on some flights you can get like streaming services which will let you get maybe five down. And you can reasonably stream Netflix in 480p, sometimes in HD.

But that is very rare. The normal airplane Wi-Fi is like, I can't load Twitter images. Jesus. You can refresh Twitter and it takes 30 seconds, but you can't load images. And what like you can let you can refresh twitter and it takes 30 seconds but you can't load images and so you're what's the point of even paying for it it's something to do when i wait 30 seconds for that twitter to refresh i'm sitting there going to refresh man i'm like every other time i refresh twitter in my life and it's been total retard shit this time this time good content yeah i was gonna say 90 seconds like you you scroll

down on reddit and you know like you like scroll down enough and it refreshes itself that takes like a minute and a half and then the images come in one by one and if it's like a gif like a moving image you're just like ah yeah on a plane you don't want no joke is enough for this yeah yeah nothing's gonna be funny in the 13 minutes it takes to get this gift yeah yeah well good for that guy good for that guy that's our that's our takeaway that's the takeaway cool guy of the week so far aside from social experiment was there a better way to handle getting busted no i don't i genuinely i genuinely think you know what i what the only other way just completely own it just smile at the guy and be like

yeah like I was jerking it he could do that shit like that movie like 88 minutes with Al Pacino where he's like if I don't keep my dick hard this entire flight this plane's gonna go down wait 88 minutes you're not thinking

of the Jason Statham movie where he has their constant... Crank. The perfect name for this. Oh, I'm thinking of Crank where he's like, unless I crank my cock on this plane, on this domestic flight, if I'm not hard when we enter Chicago, this whole thing's going down.

What the hell's 88 minutes? No, listen, you combined three movies. I got to last 88 minutes before I come! Or the whole is 88 minutes? No, listen, you combined three movies. It's that Al Pacino guy who's like, I gotta last 88 minutes before I cum! Or the whole... 88 minutes is the movie about the rock climber who got his arm stuck under the boulder and he had to cut it off. No, that's 127 hours.

We're all wrong. But you said... If I don't keep my dick hard for the next 127 hours... I gotta cut off my arm. Every single movie now is like, just you've got to keep it difficult. If I don't jerk it for 60 miles per hour, everything blows up.

Frodo, Frodo, you've gone soft. How are we supposed to make it up Mordor without your dick hard? He's like, Sam, it's sore and it's bruised. He's like... The elves are giving him Mr. Frodo the elves give him some bread some cloaks

and a blue chew packet to make their way to Mordor members spread this will keep your dick hard for 10 hours one bite of it how many did you eat Pip seven what if this guy on the plane had like a top five percent cock and just showed it like like that maybe that's the move to get himself out of the situation

impress the people around no because then it goes from because then it goes from then it goes from jerking off to a felony yeah i was gonna say like then you get then you're getting arrested yeah yeah i wonder if he had a legal term. Maybe. At the very least, I'd be worried about the flight attendant coming over and being like, Sir, can you put your penis away until we land? I'm going to keep your dick hard. All right, this is going in the good idea journal.

What other items are in that journal? Are you literally writing something? I write stuff on like a piece of paper. Yeah, you don't have a good idea journal? No, I don't have a good idea journal. Like I had like a notepad in my phone for a while where I'd put stuff that I thought was funny and then look at it later and be like, that's retarded. How is that funny in the moment?

Yeah, that's my Twitter drafts. I laughed for a while thinking about if racist parents started naming their kids N-word, like Edward, but with an N in there. And to me... Oh, Jesus Christ! N-word! N-word, get over here. And they'd be like, no, it's just a legal name. You got to call them that in class. And then I look at that later and I'm like, this is so stupid.

How did you make it into the Good Idea Journal? It's not a Good Idea Journal. It's just things I thought of and I need to write down so i can read you know reassess at a later point yeah the overwhelming majority make no sense when i re-look at them later that's what i'm saying yeah late at night when you're tired is when a lot of those ideas come up and just not funny oh for sure most oh the animal most likely to kill you from each state wait before i even open this i want to i think we should guess our states unless woody's already seen it yeah i'll abstain okay

okay uh do you have a guess i'm guessing for california i am guessing it's a it's bear um but i'm guessing for maryland i'm guessing it's a a um not a mountain lion what's the like small bobcat yeah bobcat or cougar or something yeah yeah so that's that's a good one i in missouri i'm gonna say i don't know whether to say rattlesnake or cottonmouth i'm gonna Cottonmouth Snake. Alright, let's go. Dogs, Alabama. I didn't even think about that. Oh no, pit bulls are going to win in so many states. Oh, you're right. Oh fuck, they're going to win Maryland too.

Everybody loves a good pit bull in Maryland. I don't think pit bull is on the list. They just have it all generalized as dog. That's fine. I think these are, does it say wild animals? There's no domestic animals. Oh, I'm an idiot. California's a desert. Of course it's rattlesnakes.

Arkansas is bears. Colorado cougars. Hornets, wasps in Louisiana. Hornets, wasps, and bees. That's terrifying. Delaware coyotes. That's humiliating.

Maryland is bees and other stinging insects. Did we say that already? Yeah, no, I didn't say it. I didn't think insects didn't even come to mind, but I guess so. At least a couple of them have to be mosquitoes. Missouri is venomous snakes. Did we say that? Oh, yes.

Mississippi and Minnesota are deer. Kansas and Iowaowa domestic cattle wait shout out to shout out to nebraska for rogue cows north carolina's fire ants i had forgotten but yeah fire oh yeah fuck fire ants oh my god i i wouldn't kill you yeah well if so my sister went we were on a road or a road trip because my everybody's from north carolina we're driving to greensboro or whatever and um we have to pull over to the side of the street to to so my sister can go to the bathroom side of the highway or whatever and she goes to the bathroom on a hill of fire ants um and she was like she was like nine

or something like that and they chewed her leg up so bad we had to go to like we we did the benadryl thing then we had to go to er just to make sure that it would like that was just one leg and it was not like i i believe it i didn't think about it but i believe it for listeners that don't have fire ants in their area this is the way they work they're able to walk all over you and you don't notice you barely notice etc and once they get a good yeah they're very small uh red ants and then once they get enough on you they release a pheromone so they attack synchronized and bam all of a sudden you've got like 50 bites and it hurts but it doesn't it hurts it's not it's like it's like but like you know how you

can go into anaphylactic shock with a b i think that's right with a b sting it's the same thing with fire ants you can go into shock so if we ever go to war with china that's what i imagine they're a little fire that'd be so funny it's like the chinese can create superstructures they're difficult to brush off and but you know even after you get them off like the water doesn't seem to brush them up but you see you work work work and then they get itchy afterwards over time and they look like pimples but you can't yeah okay like a little white like infected looking top on them it's gross can we can we talk about oklahoma's being tigers yeah oh that's hilarious how is it possible that's there one really big tiger?

How does that happen? As is the case with almost every other state in the Midwest, Oklahoma has been designated a large animal state by the CDC report. And unlike, I'm sorry, and like many others, the highest risk comes from road collisions with deer that are potentially fatal. However, Oklahoma also has an interesting habit of not being able to keep tigers contained. There have been multiple instances over the past few years of tigers and

other large exotics species escaping, whether it's during a tornado or due to a faulty fence. Who knows? Tigers may one day prove to be more deadlier than deer in Oklahoma. That's surprising because I thought they had, aren't, isn't there some weird stat where it's like there's more tigers in Texas than in like the rest of the world

at this point. It sounds right. All right. But like that ranch the Oxford Ranch is the one we know they're like a friend of a friend of the show where they like brought all those contained animals in and then you could hunt them if you wanted.

That's pretty cool. It is. It sounds cruel. And you're like, you can't shoot. I'm making it up. Wildebeests. But it turns out, if you don't have your prickly horn wildebeests

able to be hunted, then they just get rid of all of them. It turns out you absolutely can shoot wildebeests. They're slow and bullets are fast yeah i wouldn't i don't think i'd only want to ever shoot animals that i could eat like shooting like a tiger or an old lion like that's gonna be nasty ass sinewy meat like nobody's eating tiger or cats right the only people that hunt that are people that are trying to do like like the whole like i i killed the king of the castle i am the apex predator with

my gun you know i mean versus like uh like you know i know that hunting is a generally touchy subject with some people but like not where i live not where you guys live but like growing up in maryland they we had such an overpopulation of deer that they extended the the hunting season like took off all the limits they were just like fucking have at it it used to be bow only hunting and they were like you semi-automatic ar like do whatever you need to do because this is a very real ecological problem and that's yeah and hogs wild hogs like those you know and venison uh is is actually oddly good when it's like really you know really good venison i wouldn't go out of my way to eat it but i've had it enough that you know good venison is pretty good never had venison really

it's not as gamey it's like um actually i don't know how to explain it uh it's it's it's good like a good venison or like a veal steak and you know something like that kind of similar texture food and drugs are harder to describe than they should be you know like yeah you know what does pot feel like like uh like a like a like you're really heavy cow like you just kind of want to melt into the couch you're kind of happy but carefree kind of. You're doing really well. But if you were to ask me what alcohol feels like,

I don't know that I could really articulate it. Describing that is, describing that's easier than describe, describing like, I guess, describing a meat or something that generally has the same attributes of something else. Like you just can draw comparisons. Like what is chicken really like? Well,

it's like a semi chewy, not very flavorful meat, but that doesn't do much for you. Right. Like, I don't know. What does cherry Coke taste like? Like a Coke,

but like a little, a little hint of cherry. Perfect. Thanks. Now I get it. But yeah, describe this without, or what's this word word but don't use the word in the definition kind of thing yeah oh i hate those questions what does coke taste like well it hurts

a little but i like it yeah it's like sugar water battery acid but it's good i wonder if people like 500 years ago if they had a drink of coke if they would be like oh my god this is god's elixir or if they'd be like oh gross what's the point of you have you not seen that um I'm sure you've seen that video of the or the gif

of the girl that um like the young girl that has a sip of coke for the first time and it like shoot like head back like eye rolling back and it's like and then goes back in for another that reaction is exactly what I imagine giving like

Thomas Edison a coke he'd be like what the holy shit this is wild like honey I've been wasting so much time on these shitty ass bulbs that make you know like the Brazilian societies that use pigs and teeth as currency like you know like the Brazilian societies that use pigs and teeth as currency? Like, you know, hardly touched by man?

Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's not – this isn't mainstream Brazil. Somewhere in the rainforests. No, I just – the segue, I wasn't sure where you were going. No, it's pretty funny. They're trading pig teeth. You could give them Coke and see how they react.

It would be no different than a thousand years ago. You'd start a civil war. Coca-Cola, not cocaine. I do mean Coca-Cola. I'm not being very clear. They get fiercely tribalistic. One is a Coca-Cola tribe and the other is a Pepsi-Cola tribe. I got stock on the Pepsi tribe.

I think Pepsi is the better first-time soda. Coke is really... Coke is a veteran's... Yeah, right? It's that hard shit. Pepsi is a gateway drug to Coca-Cola. I only drank Pepsi... My aunt was high up at Frito-Lay,

which is Pepsi and the various stuff. She worked there like the entirety of the time that i was growing up so she would give me pepsi stock for my birthday which at the time wasn't cool but now super fucking cool that you know like that's money that you gave awesome yeah but but like so all that my dad would drink you know like gotta support your aunt would be just a fuck ton of pepsi so i never really drank coke and you know whenever we were out with my aunt you know don't you dare order aquafina you're drinking dasani or other way around right like don't don't order the competitor's brand so i didn't have a lot of coke

experience until i went to college and that's all they had at my fucking cafeteria none of my aunts ever gave me stock that's a neat idea that is but that is also like recognize how absurdly unique that scenario is that like i'm giving you stock options in the cut like that's not something that like that's cool most people are able to do so i you know at the time i was like where's my fucking best buy gift card yeah well you could get my i bet pepsi i don't even know what pepsi stock is i'm just guessing that it's some reasonable i have 131 i have 131 pepsi stock oh it's 135 dollars so that would be like a pretty solid birthday present i think i was expecting it to be in the 40s 31 times uh whatever number woody said yeah but but but recognize that this is from 20 years ago, right?

This is like my early childhood. I think it was like five stock per birthday, maybe some for Christmas or something like that. But this was like in 1993, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. And then she eventually left. But then Pepsi is obviously grown. So I don't know what it was at the time. But now when I, and I'd forgotten about it.

And when I was doing, I switched business managers and i had to move all my stuff over and they're like hey so we're just wondering about this one specific asset that you have pepsi why do you like pepsi like can we move that and i was like oh shit i forgot i've got over 10 grand in pepsi yeah exactly i was like no you keep that pepsi stock i don't we can't touch it nice this this financial instrument has sentimental value okay until until it does i really need it and then it has no value well monetary value yeah so uh before we jump to the next thing we're going to talk to our last friend of the evening. That's Casper.com. This episode of PKA is brought to you by Casper Mattresses.

Casper is a sleep brand that makes expertly designed products to help you get the best night of rest one night at a time. Casper products are cleverly designed to mimic human curves, providing supportive comfort for all kinds of bodies. Their breathable design helps you to sleep cool and regulate your body temperature throughout the night. Casper offers two other mattresses, the Wave and the Essential. The Wave features a patent-pending premium support system to mirror the natural shape of your body. The Essential has a streamlined design and a price that won't keep you up at night. Casper also offers a wide array of other products like pillows and sheets to ensure an overall better sleep experience. All designed, developed, and assembled in the USA.

They've got affordable prices because Casper cuts out the middleman and sells directly to you. And you can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night risk-free sleep-on-it trial. So start sleeping better today and get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting casper.com slash pka and using pka at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. That's casper.com slash pkaka promo code pka at checkout for $50 towards select mattresses. Check them out. Yeah. We have one Casper mattress in the house.

It's my son's and I legit go on there, lay on my belly, read the computer because I'm addicted to it and I like it. They're so comfortable and like unboxing it like the foam mattress unboxing. It's like it's it's just cool you open this box and first of all when i got mine it was three stories up into my then apartment a

couple apartments ago and i got the king size and as a pauper myself i had never known the extent of a king size mattress and I opened it in my living room and it's like a flower bloom, like one of those flowers that blooms once every 10 years. And it's like hitting chairs as I'm doing it. I'm like, oh, don't expand so quickly. I should have done this in the bedroom. It's just cool. And there's no dense, no like divots from it being rolled up I have no idea how they do it

but like it's immediately a thick ass yeah vacuum seal I guess I do know how they do it but it's fun to leave a little bit of the mystery no it's just wizard trick this is how they do it yeah very comfy mattresses get yourself one and you're going to be confident

in your dick hardness and you're going to be confident uh in your in your dick hardness and you're going to utilize that dick hardness on casper pop a blue chew hop on casper get some fucking done have fun friends and then you can go post about it on your squarespace website when you when you said it at the start of the show that they wanted a that you know you're going to tie in like a personal story i immediately thought of this one thing and i was worried that I couldn't say it until you said, get your dick hard and fuck on your cast. So listen, I, I hooked up with somebody, um, and I have a cast for mattress. I've said it literally every time I've been on here. I, and I bought it because of painkiller already, uh, use their code. Um, I was, I, I hooked up with somebody

and about a week later I got it. It was like a very quick one-night stand. Didn't really talk to him too much after. I got a text, and it was like, hey, super awkward, but what kind of mattress do you have? I was like, nice. Okay, I have a pretty comfy bed then. Somebody is going to text me out of the blue and be like, hey, but what kind of mattress did you have? I was only on it for about 30 seconds, but I need it. Hey, I wanted to ask you about

your mattress. I mean, it was great, but your dick could have been harder. Damn. When I found out you don't even have a website, that's what you need. Check out your Casper mattresses. Man, I want to look at more animal-related lists.

This is probably my 17th time here and in almost every time i'll have somebody come in and they'll be like man you guys just always gravitate to one of three topics and one of them is always like animals fighting animals human fighting animals or animals just being absurd you know animals i was like yeah you're right we do kind of talk about animals a lot i'm sorry i'm a bad influence on the show no no animals i was like yeah you're right we do kind of talk about animals a lot i'm sorry i'm a bad influence on the show no no no i i like the 10 animals most likely to kill you yeah we're gearing up for the 2020 election i'll be like yeah but look at this this monkey ripped this other one scrote off yeah you see that guy who hit that got hit by that moose hey pull that video up like that joe rogan clip jamie pull that shit up

he's i love all those have you seen the joe rogan edit where it's joe rogan talking to joe rogan i think i have oh yeah yeah yeah he's incredibly well done too it's so funny i think he'll rip your dick off it's like hell yeah well absolutely you're preaching to the choir oh yeah yeah yeah you know how strong those things are stronger than you man stronger than me like he's like i'll roundhouse kick that fucker in the chest and he's like yeah yeah i like there's one joe rogan summed up in 90 seconds or something and it's great i forget the details of it but he's like having a deep existential crisis about science or something. And then they just like, oh, yeah, well, LSD is cool. Jamie, pull a clip up.

Yeah. You ever done DMT? I love that clip of the monkey that just did DMT and ruins the circus for everyone. How do you get DMT? If I'm on my deathbed, like, you know what I mean? Like,

how do you, how do you, like he goes, have you ever done DMT? Like, this is something that you can go behind the high school and just buy next to the weed. Like,

how do you, you know what? Maybe not a good conversation to talk about. I don't know the legality of DMT. Is it even legal? No, it's definitely illegal. Oh,

I don't know how illegal it is, but like, I don't know how illegal it is but like i don't know how to get any drugs i don't know a single person who's done dmt not one i don't have a smart way to get drugs i guess i could drive to another state and do it there that would probably be the what if i wanted a way to get drugs or do drugs that's not how is that I mean, you can do drugs in any state. You can do drugs anywhere, but getting drugs smartly and doing drugs smartly are two different

separate things. Making sure the drugs you're getting are not fentanyl and making sure the area you're doing your non-fentanyl drugs, you know, like two separate ideas. If I wanted to do any drug, I would have a hard time even getting it. You know, aside from like flying to colorado and

finding a dispenser that we always joke like i could go over to nc state that's a campus in my yeah college in my city and uh but like then what skateboard hey fellow no that's what i'm saying you'll be like beto o'rourke and be cool all over the campus just be cool and everybody's gonna offer you no so the when i lived in washington um uh well portland the the vast majority i had a friend who uh who owned a dispensary there the the vast majority of every of all the customers there were above the age of 40 almost every single time i went there almost every time we talked about it almost all of them were above the age of 40. Almost every single time I went there, almost every time we talked about it, almost all of them were above the age of 40. Rarely did you have 18 to 20, 30 year olds go in there because like they, they talk about this, but the allure of, of, of

smoking weed when it's legal and it's easily acceptable. And your mom's, your mom's book club is smoking. They're not drinking wine and doing book club. They're smoking joints and doing book club. Now like coming in like, Oh mom, whole house reeks of weed like what are you doing right no longer cool that's a cool so it's more like uh like how do you you know a lot of people in your situation like yeah i'd be fine trying it if it was legal and it was easy to get well once that happens well almost everybody like you is the same way might as well give it a shot and then all the kids are like fuck this man but but like you're in a you're talking about a legal scenario right which north carolina i'm talking about legal right i don't know how to i don't know you can't just

like go to a store and buy acid i don't know i can't go to a store and buy anything it's not legal here so that's what i'm saying i have no idea your your problem i don't know if like flying i would never fly to anywhere weed is not so good that i would take a trip to go you know like some people like i'm going to amsterdam to smoke weed i'm like why the fuck would you do that like you know go to amsterdam to see amsterdam weed is a byproduct but it's like how yeah the original point how do you just get where do you get tmt like what is that how do you even quantify that i don't even know what it is. What form does it come in?

Is it liquid? Is it like a little patch the way LSD is where they put it on a little piece of paper? A little piece of paper, yeah. Well, I did a Google image search on it. Apparently, it looks like calligraphy. DMT looks like calligraphy? It's not helpful at all.

Oh, wait. Are you looking at the chemical composition? DMT is like calligraphy? It's like it's not helpful at all Oh wait Are you looking at the chemical composition? I just searched DMT on Google Image Search And got a bunch of bullshit Well we can't go to fucking Silk Road anymore So I found two things One on a playing card it looks like a powder That maybe you'd put in a pill

I'm going to Google this How to buy DMT It looks like a oh there's foil there do you burn it smoke it oh it's on a playing card right here it looks like yellowish powder scroll down a bit and you'll see one with a pill go ahead it's um it's um it's in the same class as like mushrooms where you can buy the seeds but but you have to do all the work for it. So DMT like you can buy DMT containing plants and then it's up to you to like at home fucking breaking bad chemist it down to DMT versus like with mushrooms. It's legal to have the seeds, I'm pretty sure, but it's not legal to have anything else. I don't know.

I'm talking on my ass because none of this is something I'm not like, hey, one time. Yeah, I don't know i'm talking on my ass because none of this is something i'm not like hey one time yeah i don't know anything i mean dmt seems scary and so it's one of those drugs i have no desire to do yeah like baffles me on one hand it seems like it's in the hard category right like like there's pot and maybe alcohol and i don't know what else it's kind of a soft drug and then you've got dmt over there next to like heroin and scary things on the other hand joe rogan is like dude you take dmt you have a trip and for the rest of your life you're emotionally richer and more creative and successful and smarter and you view the world in a different way and this and i'm like wait a minute is this like an up aftermarket upgrade for a brain no but look at it the other right think about it this way

okay you know that is something that people look at and you're like i'm curious right i am curious but i'm curious when i'm 85 the idea of changing my world vision to an extent that would drastically alter how i operate from day to day is terrifying. Like I'm pretty fucking, everything's kind of good. You know, I kind of like what I got going on. So if I just randomly was like, it's a Tuesday,

let me do some DMT. And then I woke up and I'm like, gotta go herd alpacas in Peru. Like have to do it. There's nobody that can stop me. Maybe I'm about it, but like me, your life was your life journey.

If your life is a 20-sided die you rolled a 19 you don't re-roll you stick with that yeah yeah and isn't joe rogan didn't joe rogan like start smoking pot in his 30s he did partly yeah yeah joe rogan pimps dnt harder than he does uh on it yeah oh my god on it labs i forgot i mean, if Joe Rogan thinks it's a good idea, that's what you're going to tell me. Dude, it's AlphaBrain. You know Onnit Labs used to ship our gamer house here, packages of

AlphaBrain, and just ship whole containers of it and just use AlphaBrain and talk about it. And MuzzleFuzzle was all over it. We talked about how influential, even like we are, like people in the Twitch and gaming space and whatever. Joe is that to me. And he had a guest who was like,

yeah, I drank this weird mushroom coffee and now my head's clearer and my sentences are more articulate. Thank you. And I'm like, well, clearly I need that. It's a performance enhancing drug for podcasts. It's probably not. You know what?

I'm going to throw my hat into the let's not drink mushroom tea before a show ring it's not it's it's a pretty big ring taylor there's a lot of people in that ring it's not everyone is except for woody is in that one yeah i i would love gullibly believing that mushroom tea makes you smarter for a bit. That's the way to prank Kyle when he gets out of prison is the first episode back, he and I are sober, and I just am like, Woody's been acting strange

recently, and beforehand you drink a fat cup of mushroom tea. We just see where it goes. Yeah, you just... Does mushrooms... They don't make you sleepy. No, they do not they don't make you sleepy like they do not they just make you hallucinate i read an article about i mean you'd have to eat a lot of mushrooms to hallucinate it's more like it's more like uh but i'm not qualified to answer this but i just i know quite

a few people who are very who love it and do it quite often and and like we went bowling and they did mushrooms i was like okay like they say it's like it's like being drunk sort of i was like sick oh shroom tech yeah they sent us some of this and just have a couple beers you maniac that's what yeah but why do a couple beers when you can just eat these dried shrooms and smells like ass. Why enjoy what you're drinking when you could just chew through it? Shroom tech. Oh, that's so funny.

They have a band on their packaging that says clinically studied. Yeah, not clinically proven. We fucking studied it. We determined it was shit, but we're just going to say clinically studied. What's funny is their shroom tech to increase increase your immune system it lacks the clinically studied band like they don't even pretend scroll down and you'll see that you'll see they have three bar graphs that's all i need

in the clinical studies area well those guys are lifting weights and running. So bench press reps. Wow, they claim that it increases your bench press by 12%. It increases the ability of your body to rep it. But like what? Yeah, I don't buy this. This shit reminds me of all the Lipazine commercials I'd see on late night TV. And they'd be like, literally burns fat from your body at an aggressive rate, life threatening 25 pounds in a day. And it's just like shows somebody just shrinking.

It's like hydroxy cut. I've mentioned this. That's what it is. Brilliant, brilliant marketing from hydroxy cut before on the show where they're advertising would be like, are you overweight? Do you need to lose between 50 and 100 or over 50 pounds?

Hydroxy cut is the solution for you. Warning, if you only need to lose 20 to 30 pounds or 30 or less pounds, do not use hydroxy cut. This is for people who need to lose a lot of weight. And immediately everybody who's watching is like, I only need to cut 20 pounds. If this is formulated for people that heavy i'll lose in the in a week oh i'm ordering i'm ordering yeah like and that works that kind of shit works i just assume that what they're saying is 75 untrue so if it loses a hundred pounds perfect yeah yeah you take it

with a grain of salt five is that's a 75 is not a big enough grain of salt. Really? It's 95% untrue? Hell, even that. I'm down. I'll take five pounds. What the fuck? From a pill?

I guess I'm in the camp. I have a friend who takes whatever the, I don't know the scientific word for hallucinogenic mushrooms, but takes micro-doses of them almost every day. And he has for like two years and he's incredibly successful. And he's, he's like, I love them to death. I swear by them. It's not the end of the world if I don't take one, but like, if they're there and I, and I have them like, let's go for it. And I'm like, do you feel any different? He's like, yeah, it's pretty, I'm sure. I mean, you know, I've noticed some differences and I'm like, that's not a resounding. Yes. I'm not convinced that like, he's like, it's like a subtle nudge in the right direction.

Like, OK, I want to meet the successful CEO who micro doses Miller Lite. Like a shot of Miller Lite every hour. I've been micro dosing black crack and rum and my work has plummeted. Frankly, I have horrible headaches throughout the day. Yeah. I'm just dehydrated all the time. I got not enough water in my body.

My shits are hard. It was a terrible idea, but a guy who microdoses like a dozen drugs. So he's just fucked up. I like to chase my microdose of Jack Daniels with a microdose of marijuana, followed up by a quick microdose of LSD, followed up by a final microdose of DMT. And by the end of that, I'm drooling on my floor and I've missed work.

Wait, did I ever... I think I did this last time. Hunter S. Thompson's schedule. Did I tell you about that one? about that we did look at it yeah anyways it's just why it's just so much so many drug cigarettes and cocaine and acid and i'm like and you wrote books still like what do you mean you still wrote books you can write and it was like he's like oh 4 a.m to 10 a or 4 a.m to 9 a.m prime writing hours and it's like, he's like, ooh, 4 a.m. to 10 a.m. Or 4 a.m. to 9 a.m. Prime writing hours. And it's like, just take your whole life clock and just go like this.

Boom. You're back into normalcy. You'll get some vitamin D in your life. You're not drinking your, what is it? Chivas Regal and smoking your Winston cigarettes or something. I don't remember. I heard vitamin D is overrated. You heard vitamin D?

Yeah. So look, I'm only as good as my sources. Oh, you say it was overrated? Yeah. Like at the, no, at the start, I didn't say it was overrated. I said I took it and I'm like, yeah. You do need it to absorb calcium, I think.

I take it because I don't go out. I'm in a lightless booth. I have LED panels. That is my light for all day. So there was a time when they were like, hey, people with vitamin... Now, look, this is one study, but whatever. But the study said people with vitamin D

in their systems are much healthier. Well, your body produces vitamin D when you're outside. So they weren't... They didn't really disambiguate whether it was from having vitamin D or from being the kind of person who goes outside and does things. There's some health associated with that too.

Yeah, you're right. Like they probably didn't control for that. Like who has lots of vitamin D who, you know, whatever streams on Twitch 16 hours a day. Yeah. You can take a bunch of zinc as Kyle said,

and it'll make you uh produce more cum did you trust that you know i took zinc supplements for a little bit and then i like at the time i was taking like a one-a-day men's or like some some like multivitamin and then also had a zinc supplement on top of that and like i was like is it possible can i be getting way too much zinc and i looked it up and turns out yes you absolutely can get way too much zinc and it causes copper and iron deficiency because i guess all receptors that are capable of picking up those micro metals or whatever the fucking name is like if you fill it all with zinc you're gonna get copper deficiency you're gonna get shaky and feel weak and be fatigued with nausea so so i cut that out did you notice the volume difference no no i'm gonna be

honest with you the the um i'm really split on this whole like i want to i want to come more right like this this idea that i like this this idea that you just like there's somebody out there like crushing celery and zinc pills and like horny goat weed and just like I need to be a fucking fire hydrant I'm sitting here thinking like think of the cleanup like that's so much extra effort if I could shoot blanks vasectomy shout out if I could shoot blanks the entirety of the time until I

really needed to seems like a win of my book that'd be great it's like a keyboard duster it should just be a lovely aroma wouldn't it be great if it was just a strawberry scent that came out yeah i got lavender in my ejaculate today i uh is that clean linen we need a girl on this show by the way i can't recall the last time we had a girl on PKA. Oh, yeah. We need a girl on the show. Oh, no.

Oh, wait. Kitty. Just recently. But do they like giant loads? Are they like, yes. Okay. Give me a cup of it. This is awesome.

Or are they like, you know what? It's actually not my most favorite fluid and less is better. Oh, no. know what it's actually not my most favorite fluid and less is better oh no i think that you know who the coolest guy of the week would be is a guy who gets really into supplements and shit oh are you guys am i breaking up no you sound great i'm listening to every word oh my video started getting crazy but uh i was saying the funniest guy is a guy who like loads up on every kind of supplement and none of them have to do with exercise or getting fit at all. It's just getting bigger loads.

Can you please like lift a weight or something? No, this is all about volume increasing. This is called German volume training. This kiwi pill. Is it kiwi? What the fuck is the strawberry like green thing? Yeah, that's kiwi. Strawberry green thing,wi? What the fuck is the strawberry green thing? Yeah, that's kiwi. Strawberry green thing, really?

That's just for flavor. It doesn't increase volume, but the babes love it. The amount of asparagus I eat can't be good for that. Oh. No. Look, I love asparagus, but if I look at it in the grocery store, my piss smells for two days. Dude, if you eat asparagus and ask someone to drink your crumb, that should be against some sort of animal cruelty laws. That is the truest thing you've ever said.

If you go to a nice steak dinner and they put a plate of asparagus and you're eating, just know that your date is looking at that going like, he better not nut in mouth anywhere near my face that is a back load if i've seen you better stopped me you need to go straight to the restroom and get that done because 90 minutes from now it's gonna it's gonna influence the flavor of your cup not even or see i don't even know if it influences the flavor of your cum i just know it makes you piss smell wait wait i did i did i god this is we're really pulling in these tangential stories here but i read a i read an article about somebody who had a significant other taste test his cum for 30 days where he had varying amounts of pineapple um like uh extract like he ate pineapple one day and then he he like just like only ate pineapple and pineapple juice and whatever and she was it's a little sweeter till still tastes like shit.

Like it's still salty and like not pleasant, but like at least it doesn't taste like a shoe. It tastes like a shoe with an air freshener. It tastes like slightly sweeter bleach and somebody opened a pineapple LaCroix. It's what I imagine like a mango white claw tastes like if you put too much salt around it and you're like, yeah. Yeah.

So I think calm optimization is the next, the next frontier. Dude, we can compete with on it. We need like pawn it for a PKA version. It'll all be come modification supplements. None of it has anything to do with fitness it's all about cum it's about how fit your cum is how fit is your ejaculate you want to be hitting that your significant other with a load of vitamin dc she needs to get her

multivitamin from your semen can you imagine me defending our podcast in court as Cliff Hutchinson saying that ComTech Sport has nothing to do with that? Your Honor, it's literally a piece of Tupperware container with pineapple in it. I think, you know, I think that's a, I think it's a winner. This is a pill designed to convince your significant other that it's a facial cream yeah it cures pimples there's people that do that there's people that actually like have like a facial skincare routine i say people as if this is a widespread thing but i know there's like one or two vocal people that are like i rub semen on my face every day and i'm like there are even hear me out if there was a way for you to get perfect skin rubbing cum on your face but you could get a clinically

proven scientific or scientific version that would do 80 fuck 80 of the the work for you know like just don't rub cum on your face yeah or i can't show that link taylor that's not a good one for the show you can't show that one but it's beauty blogger covers your face and sperm every day for smooth and healthy skin and you know i want to know if it's fresh or frozen because i want to know if one guy was able to provide all of it right right? Here, Wendy's. Our sperm is always fresh. Never frozen. I saw a Reddit. Maybe it was relationship advice subreddit. I'm not sure, but the point was these guys were dating,

but it was like an established older relationship, and his girl just liked sucking his dick in a non-sexual way. So she'd watch TV just sort of using it like a pacifier just lightly sucking dick through brooklyn 99 and they're like you know is this weird or like sometimes it leads to more and sometimes it's just a way that we connect and i don't know i thought that girl was one in a million. At least this woman was being highly scientific. Semen builds babies, Tracy says.

They, the babies, come out very soft and have beautiful skin. And it leaves my skin nice and soft, so I'm very happy to use this as a facial. You can't argue with science. I was like, yeah, that's science. Like, what do you want me to do, stand and spit in the face of Isaac Newton? No. Can't do it. I'm sure. Nikolai.

I'm going to have this shit like bookmarked every time I got on a Tinder day. I'm like, have you read this article? You know, I've been using it on my skin. The only problem is you can't use your own. Yeah. You guys do. Yeah. That's just like, you can't drink your own pee,. You guys do. Yeah. That's just like, you can drink your own pee,

but you can drink other people's pee. That's facts. I won't tell them it's from Accutane and not come on my face. Yeah. That's hilarious. I like how the picture that they have, like on the right, she has nice, like not her nice skin.

Beautiful. And then on the left, the distribution of the cum is not the way cum is. A cream is distributed on the face. It's like jets of cum. No, literally, you would assume that she would have it in a jar and apply it evenly. No, somebody just beat off on her face. There's clearly a rope going from her lip to the side.

It's not even the correct trajectory. It's sideways. It's like go up or down. It's like even the correct trajectory. It's sideways. Like go up or down. It's like diagonal this way. Dude, the coolest guy of the week is the guy who goes to her house every day, beats off onto her face, and then goes, that'll be $30. And then goes back and he's like, you know, I need a documentary on him. And he's like, you know, it's not easy staying as hydrated as I need to stay.

It's just like chugging water and taking supplements. Just like I got to have a full load every day or else she's cutting me tucker you said the angle was wrong but i figured it out what he did is he came on her nose and lip area and it dripped there's one going to her earlobe and one going like below it on her neck she's laying on her back and are you forensically studying the semen patterns i've completed my analysis and that's where I came up you're probably right you know analysis of this it seems the first shot came at 45 degree angle

and then it ran across yeah and then it dripped down to the side I've got it how much money can you make selling your sperm obviously you have to go through a rigorous test to make sure you don't have like Huntington's disease but like like how much can you make good question it depends if you're like if you're tall if you have blonde hair if you have oh you have to have good genes oh hey yeah nobody's like nobody's like i

need a somebody who has early onset male baldness is five foot two and has bad knees i need his semen so donors earn 70 dollars per donation it's 50 when it uh when you give it to them and 20 more when it's released that's not enough yeah the problem is you like i can you can make more on your uh platelets or not your platelet your uh your plasma what is plasma it's the oh god white white blood cell type shit it's basically i i sold plasma a couple times in college they put a fucking like a needle in one arm and then the other they pump it through a machine and the blood goes back in the other arm and you're like really yeah i mean it's not bad i don't get i'm not bad with needles but i don't enjoy them

giving blood and stuff is something that i do like once or twice a year but every single time it's just like you're sitting there and you're just like i've got to do it but it's not enjoyable like i don't know anybody that's like fuck yeah i'm gonna go give a pint of my blood and get some cookies after i wouldn't want to deal with that shit. Which is why I don't give blood. Also, if you're too... I was going to say, it depends on what blood type you have. I'm AB. I think I'm AB. Everybody has that shit. Nobody needs it.

AB? No, AB is rare. No, it's whatever the most common one is versus the O negative, the universal donor. Oh, I think I'm A positive. I should probably know my blood type. Mine's O positive. I'm sure of it. That's universal donor oh i think i'm a positive i should probably know my blood type mine's o positive i'm sure of it that's universal donor or no yeah no o negative is the universal donor o positive i think is just worthless i think o positive can give everyone to positive oh everyone to positive maybe you're right maybe o is like you can do everything o negative goes

everywhere positive is positive there's one that's just like, bruh, you just take all the blood. You can't give it to anyone. I think it's like AB or not AB. It's like A negative or something. That's interesting. I can give to O positive, A positive, B positive, and AB positive, but I can receive from O positive and O negative. I guess O negative

is like you said. If you are dying of blood loss, you're statistically less likely to live because you only have two donors in your own group. But if you're AB, positive or negative, I'm pretty sure that you're just, you're good. You just suck blood from everyone, basically. I didn't realize positives and negatives could cross.

But yeah, I can give to any of the positives. Yeah, it looks like O positive is the most popular a positive is the second most popular and then all the rest are the shit tier bloods see now tucker might be off even though i can only take from two of them i can take from some of the most popular ones yeah i need to see a breakdown of how likely am i to live if we're in a if we're in a blood crisis here a b positive you can receive from all blood types that's what it is you're you're a leech you're a siphoner i think i'm a b positive i think i think i'm the worst yeah yeah whereas o negative can only receive from o negative huh and you can give to everyone everybody can take o negative a positive i can

receive from A positive, A negative, O positive, O negative. None of you B second class citizens for me, thank you. Disgusting. Disgusting. Fucking hate it. I think I've told this story before. We did blood tests.

I don't know why they did this. I feel like they'd be smarter nowadays. But in high school, we each pricked our finger and tested to see what our blood type was. And as a genetics, like, lesson, we asked our parents what their blood types were. And there was this girl in my class. I won't out her name, but I remember it. But it proved that her parents weren't her parents.

Yeah. That is a hilarious science teacher. Yeah, that science teacher knew what they were doing. They were like, one of these days I'm going to get it. How are you going to do like... Because she taught everyone in the class. There were hundreds of kids. Like 300 kids.

You're not going to find one? I don't know what she was thinking. Are you guys donors? Organ donors? Yeah. You don't believe in the... I am too yeah yeah you don't believe in the i am too but you don't believe in the whole like they won't save me they're gonna let my organs be used for other people i mean i'll now that you said that i think i'm gonna probably cancel that out yeah think about it but why would they be like what they why would they pick someone they like more?

No, no. But like, let's say you, let's say you get head trauma, right? So you're all of your juicy, good organs. Good. Right. But it's just a beauty head trauma. And you are in a coma. Yeah. And you're a, you're in a coma and they, they, the, the, not a coma, but you're basically the paramedics are on scene and they're like, so this is like a 10% chance or else he goes vegetative or maybe like whatever. Maybe they just like, don't work as hard. And then all of a sudden eight different people get second lives because

you died. So they trade one life rate. I don't believe this by the way, but I've heard somebody talk about this. I'm like, I don't fuck if I'm, if I'm that close to. Yeah,

it is a bit of a lifestyle. Are you familiar with the trolley problem? No, the trolley problem. It's the exact same thing as the trolley problem where are you gonna are you gonna change the track to kill these was one guy oh it's the weight of life like the ai the trolley problem is now i've wow this is a great gen uh generation gap it's like uh what i view it as is like if you're in a car driven by self-driving AI and there's a bus of, and kids are crossing the street illegally, do you just run over the kids? Cause they're doing something wrong.

Or do they kill you because they save five kids. Now it's like, if there's a school shooter running into the science room and he's about to eat five kids, but you could direct him to the social studies room where he'd only eat one kid. Where do you do? So let me lay it out for you.

I did this once before, but Kyle kind of shat all over it okay so surprise surprise yeah he only likes his own topic anyway so you've got a trolley and if you don't do anything it runs over those five people you're standing there with the switch you have the ability to toss the switch and prevent those five from dying but actively kill one right so pull the switch film it go viral all right so so my i guess i guess my my problem with these questions is always like i know that in in a real world scenario there's ramifications for this right like if if somebody's watching me flip this switch then you know i can get sued by the parents

of the one kid. Like my life could be effectively ruined for this decision. But yeah, I guess I get to make the moral choice. If we're not in a vacuum, I'm flipping the switch and I'm just hoping that like the power of social. I'm just hoping that people in the area, if there was somebody that wasn't directly accusing me or even if there was, I'd hoping that there'd be somebody to be like hey this is what he did and then i get to atone for it but you're still getting charged like like there's no there's no scenario in which you get off scott free from that i think right okay so if it's more of a value of life question then how do i get away with it no it's a value of life question of Of course, I value five lives over one, even regardless of like the status or whatever. I think that in like most people would think, hey, let me kill this one person and save these five without any additional information.

Then it just becomes like a guessing game of like, which is like, what if they're all five murderers and you save them all? Right. How about five retarded people? Hold on. Let me run with it instead. retarded people hold on let me run with it instead so you think the right move is to flip the switch because killing one to save five is the move i think my initial response if i'm sitting here and i find myself in this scenario is i do nothing because i don't think i'd be able to even fucking process what the outcomes of any like i'd like to think myself is pretty rational if i saw

this scenario happening i saw the lever there and i was like this is something i could do i probably would do nothing and just like okay fine but if you're putting this vacuum i feel like it's not a fair question because there's so many like you can just keep adding variables that make this always the wrong decision right like taylor said like what if what if there's five what if there are five murderers there and you didn't know so let's play it straight up and say there's no law enforcement ramifications i'm act all right i'm actively killing the one person and living that with that for the rest of my life presuming that everybody there is of equal status it's in a vacuum vanilla i am actively

taking the burden of killing that one person that is does not want to die to save the five because that is just a net gain in life okay that's my that's my stance so pause there let's do a similar scenario okay you're a surgeon there are five people that need organs to stay alive yeah there's one completely healthy person who could donate to all five right a murderer no you see the the disc yeah i understand that but but but there's a difference i think the issue let me try and figure this out i feel like the difference here is one is a one is a scenario in which oh god because this is hard to like they keep getting more parallel right even as you try to rationalize it you're like well one's a trolley and the other one's no i think they're both an act participation right but one's one person's

healthy there's like i have to actively go out and murder that person all somebody is dying in this scenario regardless of what what i do right there's either five people or one person dying no matter what in both i have to go out and fucking murder somebody that person's not dying they're healthy but i have to murder somebody and save five people the only difference is you went from a switch to a scalpel no the only difference you said there's a healthy person the only difference is i've actively murdered somebody who is in a who is otherwise not going to die this one is deciding between two outcomes where somebody dies but the other one there are five people who needed organs to survive and the other one and you're basically just taking from the one who was otherwise going to live and making the five live

oh oh i see what you're saying um what kind of dick dastardly character is tying people to trolleys when how long has this been a thought yeah i i mean i mean ultimately i think that that thankfully real life is not black and white and not in a vacuum and such like if you put everything in a vacuum i think that realistically i will choose i would choose more if everybody is created exactly equal i will always choose whatever will gain whatever whatever will keep the most people alive but that's not how any of this works so i'd i if if we're again in a vacuum i'm killing the person that's that's healthy and i'm saving the five people that aren't okay yeah for what it's worth i did the same thing as you out of the gate it was

like oh toss the switch real-time twitter poll toss the switch no but kill one and save five and then when it became surgery it's like oh no no different now let the one survive you can't just open up a healthy person and it's like well wait why is why because in this situation like death is potentially imminent for all of them that's what i'm saying they right but the other one there's somebody whose death is literally not imminent in any way shape or form and i'm creating the death that parallels the trolley situation the trolley wasn't going to hit the one no he's already tied in every tracks he's made every what i'm saying is in every scenario yeah that's what i'm saying is like they're in every i don't know maybe you're right i feel like i'm not explaining it correctly right because no you are i'm just trying to i do feel like these two scenarios are different enough

in which one one is one is choosing between a disaster and a, and, and, and a, and an issue, not an issue. One's choosing between a big disaster and a small, and the other one is choosing between a big disaster and the course that was

scheduled. The scheduled course being those five dying. This person goes on existing in the way that the world has shaped them, right? Like this one, these people are put in a position where either five people die against their will or one person dies against their will. Now, we still get the same net outcome of five or one people living. But on the other hand, we're dealing with a situation where five people who were already scheduled to die in this, in this, if I do nothing, if I do my job and everything's correct, five people die. And one person lives normally the way they were supposed to, or I have to take the action and

kill somebody who was not supposed to die or not even, you know, remotely in a death scenario in order to save people that were in a position where they were going to die regardless i have now like i don't want to say this but like you know the action of god like i got to play who lives and dies against a more black and white scenario the trolley problem in both cases if you do nothing five die if you do something one dies yes but but but if you go as very simple as possible, but simplifying things to that degree makes everything wishy-washy. You know, like I think that if you simplify any problem down to a this but this, it's always going to be a weird fucking mash of I don't know. But if you like, that's why I say like when you build it up and you keep adding scenarios then everybody's answers change you know one after the other like what what if one person what if the guy what if that's you know a genius down what if all those people save cancer and the other one

doesn't and you you can kill five people to cure cancer like is that worth it you know it's just like the uh what's How attractive are these people? But, like, none of that has happened. I don't know. I came up with answers that didn't match, and I don't have a way to rationalize it. Yeah, I don't have a way to... It's tough. It is.

I love thought experiments. I like the idea of... I think that one time there was a question that I had on a test, like, where does the mountain start, and where does the field end? You know, it's like, where does the start of the mountain happen is it right here is it here is

it here who fucking knows but yeah yeah okay yeah well i just don't hang out next to trolleys i'm not a surgeon either no i'm never getting in that situation. My other dog arrived, so I'm going to be playing with him in a few minutes. We have like one minute before we have to wrap. Can you get the dog? I'll show him on the next show because he's getting to know Teddy. You don't want to just grab him and you're like,

get over here! You want to just grab him by the neck and hold him up. Good first impression. Does he look just like the dog we saw uh he's a little bigger and i haven't gotten a close enough look he might have a slightly lighter coloration but they're clearly brothers like they're oh roger that they're both boys i think i like that yeah all right taylor are there any poster rolls no there are not pucker anything you want to tell our audience no Thanks for having me on again.

Two times this close together. Give me a couple months' cool down. People are going to get tired of me. I've got to continue to have people like me over here. You're like the one guy nobody gets tired of. You're a fan favorite. It's always good. Thanks for having me on, guys.

P.K.A.? Have fun with whatever you're doing. Four, five, seven.