Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #458

Episode Date: October 4, 2019

In this week's PKA, this week's show we've brought together the dynamic duo... from opposing corners of the internet, in the left corner... Destiny! And in the right corner... Dick Masterson! They talk about the impeachment proceedings with Trump, share a bunch of stories from their upbringings, Dick goes on some intense rants then tells us about injecting saline into his junk and Destiny explains how people should not print out pornographic images on the family computer, through personal experience.

PKA Oh sorry I was going to unscrew a bulb If it would help I think it's a window The bulb is like 80 miles I don't know if we started or not Oh yeah

I'm pretty proud of the way we got started Taylor Well this episode of PKA is brought to you by ExpressVPN and SmartMouth We've got wonderful guests Dick Dick and Destiny, the dynamic duo of friends on the show today. This is great. Kyle should go to prison more often. We're both ending up in prison after this one, Destiny.

Are you ready to fight for four hours? Oh, my God. You know what? Start the clock. Oh, my God. You know what? Start the clock. I got, you turned me on to,

you introduced me to Jesse Lee Peterson, who is the funniest man in the world. So I have nothing, I feel no ill will towards you anymore. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. All of my ill will transferred to Chiz, the shady motherfucker who tried to, who tried to sucker us, Destiny, to get on this podcast together.

And I think the only reason he told me that we were going to be on together is because the secret got out and I was going to be told from someone else. So Chiz, F you, Chiz, you sneaky bitch. I can see him and his little icon right now. Oh, this will be great. These guys will get on and just fight for everybody

like blood sports for me. The sad part is, I'm going gonna expose chiz here a little bit the sad part is that he actually wrote me in pretty early and the reason why it got exposed is because i was doing up my schedule for twitch con and i just threw it on my fucking public calendar that i was recording for today and that's how everybody found out so it's my fault it even got leaked i'm right i fucking knew it chiz you dirty bitch you fucking asked me to guest host for your pal kyle who's in prison a month in advance i say yes and you sandbag me like this you motherfucker whatty this is the guy who's representing your brand out there by the way trying to snake people into internet bloodsport fights on your show? How dare you? How dare

you, Chiz? How dare you, you shifty fuck? You were gonna find out. There was some internal pressure to let you know. Oh, from you? Thank you. Upstanding men, not like degenerate producers. All producers are the same.

All producers are the same All producers are the same They're all shitheads They're all shitbags Well then we're meeting the industry standard Chisrag you fuck Whatever you're paying him I've never thought of Chisrag Whatever you're paying Chisrag

It's too fucking much Fuck that guy Next time you want to negotiate your salary with him. Let me do it Fuck you chis rag with your Kangol hat you little prick you sandbagging fuck fuck you Is that his hair Jesus I'll need to introduce you to a lawyer so you can get a refund for that haircut shiz you look like shit He just wears a paperboy hat. That's his it's kind of his mo it was i don't know i haven't seen video of cheese in a long time i haven't seen him physically since we went on that trip to colorado i wasn't on that trip and kyle like three years ago yeah for you it's been even longer yeah

since he lived with you for like two months you and every woman in america can claim the same thing she is you incel fuck the joker was how many times have you seen the joker so far chiz you prick well and we also have destiny here fuck well i don't hate dick anymore anywhere near as much as he hates Chiz, so I feel like I, uh... Man, this is gonna be a healing show, guys. Oh, man. We can all talk about how much we hate Chiz. Yeah, I guess so.

Have you ever seen something so unprofessional in your life, Destiny, as trying to fucking sand... I mean, you're not making any money here. I'm not making any money. We could at least fight on one of our channels, but no but no chiz that greedy little sandbagging piece of shit that he is tries to get it on here so dick you're drinking again how's that going yeah i'm not riding a liquor rocket down in space you guys are are close enough to each other you could hang out in real life right I'm riding a liquor rocket down from space.

You guys are close enough to each other you could hang out in real life, right? You're both in LA. You're in your concrete bunker in the side of a mountain or whatever the hell and Destiny's in some Twitch lair. I don't know. Do you guys ever consider it? You seem like you're...

Come on, Taylor. You know I'm proud about it, you know? There's a Buddhist temple up the street from me. We could go kick the shit out of each other. Thank you for notifying us of our proximity. I'll be a little more careful when I step out of my apartment tomorrow. Right? What if they go to the same Whole Foods or something?

Holy shit. Honestly, if you want to come into the studio sometime, do it. I would love to have you in here. I promise not to be an asshole. Oh, what? Well, that's no fun then. You could put me between Jesse Lee Peterson sessions, man. Holy shit.

I've never had a crowd full of so many black people booing me at the same time than when I'm in front of. Oh, my God. We're talking gun control. Okay, I got a guy to the left of me. This guy is six foot two huge. Can you explain what this show is for us to know? No, honestly, I can't. I wish I could. Jason Lee Peterson's got a mission from God. He's like a- So basically, yeah, he's like a... If you take a guy who's Jesse Lee Peterson, who also happens to be black and very conservative Republican and has is on his fourth or fifth stroke.

I'm not entirely sure how many things need to happen to your brain to get to this level of cognition. OK, but he does shows where he brings in random people and talks to them about indescribable topics usually related to Trump or God or black people, whatever he says. Black people. Yeah. um black people yeah but anyway yeah sometimes i go to his um he brought me to like a live conference once and um yeah it's a you know a crowd full of of black people and black cops and magaware and everybody and i'll say something like um wouldn't it be cool if like kids in schools didn't have to wear kevlar backpacks and the whole audience is booing me. It's a very insane experience. And I'm not even sure how to deal with it. I will say one thing, though.

He brought an actual white nationalist to that convention, so I wasn't the most hated person on the stage on that speech. I appreciated that, at least. They should always bring one of those guys on to make the other guests more comfortable. It's like that guy's gonna take all the heat i can talk about kevlar backpacks and the whole all the black people in the crowd too much a sacrificial anode is that what it is like it gets all the rust and corrosion so the rest of the system is okay yeah this is something wow i'm familiar somebody's been in their garage recently geez going off well follow that one up what's it called a rebuild johnson

carburetor is it pretty much like what we're all talking about here i know cars no big deal just woody just like a dick i'm such an asshole oh my god i saw i don't know why i happened to see you on the lineup of jesse lee peterson because you know I'm a frequent, I'm a whatever he calls his high-tier member of rebuilding the man, rebuilding whatever. That's his goal, to rebuild the man. I was shocked you were on there. That was very brave of you. Yeah, hey.

Is this a big deal guy? Like, is he popular? No. He's like, what is he, like 100,000 or 200,000 subs? He does, like, live stuff. Like, I think he's got, he might have a radio channel, and he likes like live stuff like I think he's got he might have a radio channel and he likes to bring people into like his little stage area maybe fits like 100 people

in this little auditorium and they debate people and give speeches and stuff how do you do in these debates for context destiny once beat us 3 on 1 in a debate with the most bullshit facts ever something about paint chips from the

40s hold on okay this was this was woody i made it on my own my parents only paid for my third crashed motorcycle okay woody person all right we were you were there was a lot of bended facts there okay this okay i don't know what you're talking about go on um he uh oh i don't know why i took a shot of you there what were you talking about i thought we were talking about go on um he uh oh i don't know why i took a shot at you there what are we talking about i thought we were talking about the black talk show host no no no i was asking how you did in the debates and i was saying that you beat us three on one with like page insanity yeah and uh it was it was a left-handed compliment i think but oh you didn't like i took it as a right-handed insult i guess that's not what i was going for that's what you get woody don't even stray close It was a left-handed compliment, I think. But you didn't like it. I took it as a right-handed insult, I guess.

That's not what I was going for. That's what you get, Woody. Don't even stray close to that. That's a warning clap back from destiny. They'll be coming. I'm not going in here trying to win. I'm just trying to make a show. That's a destiny cap for you.

These debates with Jesse Lee Peterson are far different. So if you've watched me and Dick Masterson talk, my conversations with Dick are rigorous, intellectual feats of strength and prowess, right? Jesse Lee Peterson is just playing to the audience. People screaming at each other, making whatever random statements. I think at one point, he goes down the line and he asks, what does it mean to be a man? And then he asks us if we shave our balls. What does it mean to be a man? And then he asks us if we shave our balls.

That's awesome. OK, OK. It's quite the experience. What was his response? If you said, yes, I shaved my balls. Is he like you're you're a beta male? Well, yeah, he said, yeah, basically. Or if you have sex with a woman, do you let the woman fuck you?

Which means she's on top of you. If so, you're a beta male. Just a lot of crazy random woman on top is beta male shit every variety of male that i can pull off i guess i've turned again this guy sucks ass uh he also says you shouldn't be having sex at all out of marriage and then it's a he advised me to cure my sex addiction which is having sex with my girlfriend by forgiving my mother his show should be banned how's that working for you it's not not working i haven't been able to cure any addiction yet i'm just piling them up well it's maybe i'll ask your mom to make the first step so he really is just like a fucking pastor go and say no premarital sex don't shave your balls don't well the creepy thing girl ride you he has like a whole it's called the oh god his organization is like

it's like beyond yeah bond it's like rebuilding the society to rebuild the man rebuilding the man to rebuild society or something like something yeah of new destiny or whatever it's like the end at the end um and uh yeah he has like the people that go there are very into him in a shocking way. I feel like I'm on a bad episode of the Boondocks or something. It's crazy how insane a lot of these people are. But yeah, holy shit. Have you ever

had a chance to look into it? Just a darker side of the internet, I guess. I didn't mean that like that, but you know. It would be funnier if you did. Destiny. I'm catching it. Sharper's a marble here. Darker side of the internet.

Right, right. So have you tried working your way up the debate chain? Do you want to talk to a Ben Shapiro or a Jordan Peterson or someone who, you know, you're not just dunking on Fisher Price hoops anymore? Dude, Destiny versus Ben Shapiro, it'd sound like auctioneers. Right? i don't want to say with the right because i'm sure it happens with the left too i guess maybe but like with the right you hit a lot of dead ends where these bigger guys are very controlled with the

content they do so people like mark dice or um ben shapiro is really large or um stephen crowder they don't just take on like debates on the internet um even against like other large-ish figures they usually kind of avoid them because they want to control the i guess like the narrative that they present to their audience you know but they also like boxing they do the uncontrolled guys might as well just have belts you might as well have like the well you can challenge someone for it you lose the belt if you i mean it's the same thing like oh no we're not fighting him he's too tough like we get only a couple of these big debates a year and so they get to 38 and zero couple left yeah uh i mean i mean like that's that's true that's how ben shapiro got his numbers up it'll be like ben shapiro molests retarded 14 year old about

guns and you know ben shapiro dominates retarded kid into submission against his will for capitalism ben shapiro eviscerates handicapped war veteran for stupid stance on va health care like it's always like you can drag yourself pretty well. There's no reason for me and my tax dollars to pay for that wheelchair. It should be illegal to be over 5'6". If anything, people in a wheelchair should actually have to pay the government money because you save calories by not having to stand

at any portion of the day or something. You sound exactly like him. You should do Ben Shapiro parody stuff. You got the rapid fire stuff down yeah yeah oh you know i all this all this political stuff going on can we talk about hockey already yes i know god oh destiny stock is rising with me talk about hockey yeah i saw you were doing something uh someone went over to your subreddit to like because you're coming on i wanted to see what was new with you and your world oh no there was a clip of you painting a woman naked on on stream is is that what that was wait

was he was the woman a canvas or was he painting on a canvas of a naked person no destiny was naked okay she first of all wow she wasn't naked she had nipple covers okay so i reject your characterization of what was happening on that stream um and that's all i have for that one yeah it was what was she wearing on the bottom um socks whatever okay yeah well all you mentioned was the nipple covers i said i'm picturing this fucking bush and naked woman nothing but 2019 if she was naked she wouldn't have a bush yeah don't judge me i picture it the way i want to okay i was just bringing it up because that looked like fun yeah it was like you painting her belly

anytime you can like push any object into like a boob I mean I'm all for it I guess whatever that's kind of dripping off her tits everywhere else is clean if you're out there and you're 16, 17 and you're like man I really love boobs and shit

I wonder if that'll change when you get older I'm 30 and I don't know I still really like boobs if I have the chance to touch one for a while yeah I'll fucking do it nice I can't wait to tell my 13 when my nephews and they turn 13 to just hammer in how lucky they have it that they can watch naked chicks getting

painted on a platform their parents can't understand and therefore can't protect them I'll be like motherfucker I had to steal I had to steal a Adam and Eve catalog that they accidentally delivered to my house when I was 13 and hide it in a fort in the backyard that I said I was building for fun,

but it was just a pornography storage device. You guys don't know. You can just hide the app, you little fucks. Wait, isn't Adam and fucks just wasn't it just pictures of products they sell at the sex store there's women they would throw laundry yeah they would throw some chicks on there to model it taylor what are you talking about i don't know i remember i mean i'm much much much younger than you but yeah my family oh yeah i didn't have access to i didn't have access to like a computer that i could use we

had one family computer and i wasn't about it was a very open area i couldn't risk beating my meat and so i was like 12 years old and i was into paintball and i found out that one specific paintball magazine had paintball girls and like every four pages was a damn near naked woman like just holding a tipman or something and so i had that forever and i'd like have to like go out my mom would like screen and like like want to flip through things first so i'd always have to like rush home check for like paintball 88 or something like that and get it back then just go beat off it was ruled i remember i had one of the most such a sex positive house like regular listeners know like

i'd hear my parents having sex make fun of them in the morning and stuff like that our cleaning lady found all these like dirty magazines in between my mattress and my box spring and she ratted me out to my parents and they're like yeah you can keep them that's how it went down in my house what yeah that's rude as fuck. Yeah, well, the cleaning lady was rude, but my parents were down. That's the takeaway. What would you make fun of them for? Like not fasting long enough?

No, no. My mother would say these super complimentary things of my father's technique. And then in the morning, I'd be like, oh, Stan. And then I'd like quote her and uh and it's like yeah he heard do you remember any specifically oh stan for sure um you know just that feels good i like it wasn't like there's nothing that quote worthy but you know you string a couple of them together in a row and and they're like yeah that's that's that's what she's on the contrary all of this sounds quote worthy was there ever a moment where you were

with a girl in your early days and she asked like wow you're really good and you're like learned it from my dad you know from my mom learned it did you or did you have a moment where you realized like this wasn't normal were you ever talking you know like oh your parents have sex this way you know you're doing it so wrong like do you ever have this conversation i've always known it wasn't normal and that it's it's been like a a bit of a barrier for me to interact with normal people right like so like i don't have the kind of like sex shame that probably everyone else was taught and it's like all right well yeah yeah that's one you keep in because uh in because other guys aren't comfortable talking about this or that or the other thing. Oh, just the thought of being a kid hearing my parents fucking and having it be so clear that I'm discerning their positive reinforcement to one another on techniques.

Dude. That's beyond cringe. That would make my stomach hurt. I always had the confidence and knowledge that those two were together that like i never in my you know from from the day i was born till today they were their unit and and that's comforting yeah i joke around but that's actually really cool i actually super respect that i think that's a cool thing now they're hyper religious and don't like when we make fun of the Bible and stuff.

Hi, Woody's mom. She listens to the show. She does. She watches the show. But back then when they were like, yeah, porn's cool. Listen to your dad absolutely destroy me tonight. I assume they weren't like hardcore Christians then, right? No, no.

I've taken little jabs at them. Like sometimes when we debate, I try not to use the long knives, but they were pro-choice at a time that a baby would have seriously altered my life. And then like once their youngest is married and such, they're pro-life. Like a little convenient. They did it the right way though. Have a ton of fun when you're young get religious when you're old and just like clean slate they're still having fun like yeah they're they're living their perfect life doesn't your dad say like the only reason he doesn't go to five bible school classes a week is because they only offer four. Yeah, that's right. You even got the numbers right.

Yeah, good Lord. But he's retired now. He's really good at retirement. He gets up. He doesn't run anymore. He's 72 maybe. But he rides his bike every day. He's lost weight.

He just enjoys the outdoors. That's his thing. Did you ever try to get them back by being really loud with a girl in your room after a particularly raucous session of theirs? No. I'll show you guys. I'll show you, Dad.

I fucked up. I really should have gone that direction. We were always stealth mode. Brittany, I know this is going to sound weird, but I want you to yell out loudly, Wow, it's even bigger than stands jealousy in the house my mom walked into uh me getting a blow job on vacation once we're on a big family vacation yeah i feel like uh this was like two years ago so i walked out seriously

obsessively i'm like well you know i i hope that we all learned a lesson about knocking uh on doors even when we're on vacation i know you what angle did she enter from like what angle of the activity it was full on it was it would have been like somebody had uh it was the bed was in the corner and the door was the door was um about 45 degrees to the to the bed you know kind of off up yeah so she would have come in and seen uh not it could have been worse she could have got a ball angle she could have got an upskirt shot but she didn't she got uh she got mostly shaft in her view i compliment you possible outcome dick did it right dick said hey i hope you learned your lesson and established dominance

that's what teenage taylor should have done with the computer in the living room just like it all right bitches i hope you learned your lesson this is my wank bank this is my space and uh i ended up getting in trouble for it because uh they would like i was maybe like 13 14 years old and they'd be like hey we're taking your younger me and me and your mom are taking your brother to his soccer game or whatever the fuck you want to come and we'll buy ice cream or you want to stay home alone it was always home alone i'm gonna stay home and come yeah i was gonna say i want to do both yeah i'd be like just like lying the whole way as i'm like walking them out like yeah i think i I'm going to play my Pokemon game or

play Legos. And as soon as they go, I'm just like happy jogging downstairs to masturbate. Okay, kids are so bad at lying. This is something I've noticed with my eight-year-old. I wish that he would just hit me or something instead of ever trying to tell a lie.

So the most common one, I don't know, in terms of children, I don't know, Dick, if you have any. I don't have any. I've got a six-year-old nephew that I'm very close to. Okay, yeah. So I don't know if you've, what stages of lying you're at, but so we have to work on bathroom stuff sometimes. Make sure you always wash your hands when you come into the bathroom.

But every, sometimes I'll wander by the hallway, I'll hear the toilet flush, you know, come walking out, and I'll say, Nathan, did you wash your hands? And he'll go, oh yeah, Dad. And I'll go, if i go into the bathroom and check the sink is it going to be wet and he'll be like well no but i like to clean it up with the the towel after to make sure it's clean and i'm like nathan do you think we should and he's like okay wait wait wait dad i'll go wash my hands again just to make sure they're clean. Jesus. Stop. Just stop.

He remembered being a kid, and in his head, he's like, that was a close call. Yeah, every time he lies, I have to think back, what dumb shit did I say when I was a kid? I honestly thought my parents fucking believed me. How many times did they walk in with me hunched over like this?

And it's like, dad, I'm turning my pocket inside out. What's up? Just go away. Oh, dad, I'm turning my pocket inside out. What's up? You know, just go away. You know, like, Oh God, I got caught putting glue like on a kid's seat.

I actually, I thought I'd only done this once. I re-remembered recently. I tried this twice. The first one was a fail in kindergarten. I used a glue stick. The second time he sat down and it didn't even get stuck. He just stood up and it was like still goopy and sticky.

And it wasn't even funny. Like I imagined in my head, but the first time time i tried it i put it on there and the teacher came in and said are you are you putting glue on the on the chair no and then she made me clean it up yeah that god i still am retarded but even more so back then. You mentioned the family computer space. Oh, yeah, yeah. Back before everybody had a literal supercomputer that they could carry around with them, some of us had one computer for the whole household. And I remember my – so back then, computers to me still were voodoo magic.

If you unplug a computer while it's on, it is irrevocably destroyed. Nothing you can do will save it. This is true of every electronic device that is connected to the computer. I wanted to, I wanted to, now, because we couldn't masturbate in the main room, there's people in the kitchen. I thought, well, what if I just printed off some porn and took it upstairs with me? And now I've never printed. I printed like school reports and they print real quick. They just come out.

It's like, okay, so I figured I could probably paint like print like a couple of pornographic pictures or whatever. So I think at the time I was probably 11. I had pictures of whatever anime, Goku, Vegeta, somebody fucking somebody with a monster. And I'm like,

okay, yeah. So I'll just print this one and then I'll take it upstairs with me. So, you know, I'm real crafty. I make sure black and white or color.

Oh, full color. Oh, nice. Yeah. All right. So I i i push the print button on this and then real quick i alt f4 i clear the cookies the browser history and everything and i think i'm real smooth and i walk over to the printer and it's gonna take 30 minutes oh my god And for like a minute or two, these are long minutes, okay?

It's only maybe 1 20th of the way there. I'm getting real nervous because I'm just standing next to the printer and if anybody walks by, and I can't unplug the printer because I don't know what's going to happen to it. I don't know if it's going to be destroyed. You go on the computer

and I try to find a way to cancel the print, but dude, back then printers were impossible to work with. I pushed a million buttons. I couldn't stop anything. Um, and, and my parents are walking by in the bathroom. I think my sister comes through the room. She doesn't say anything and I'm, I'm freaking out. I try to rip the page out of the printer and it's, it's growling at me. It's the, the feeder is making noises as it's trying to like print the thing and uh by the end of it i've ripped maybe 20 pages out because it keeps printing like half of a picture was this the scrolling kind with the holes on the side um would everyone like fed it through the top

yeah is it like slowly like yeah and um but oh my god by the time my parents walked in, I don't know what I looked like. I must have been a disaster. I told my mom I was trying to print something out for a video game, and only the bottom, you could only see the bottom of Videl's boot and the dripping cum, but you couldn't really tell what it was. I printed it off, and I was like, I guess it didn't work, Mom. This was one of the most stressful moments of my entire life. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Do you remember the picture, Destiny? I actually do. Have you ever found it? Maybe if this gets posted on the subreddit. I've never looked for it, okay? But it was like a floating picture. I think Videl was being held in the air and being fucked by Cell or some shit.

With his massive tail. Something like that. I don't know if this is specific enough there might be a million of these types but if i saw it again i would absolutely remember it can you draw it can you draw any kind of approximation so that the top artist if you would have tuned in to the booby painting stream that uh taylor mentioned you would know i have absolutely zero artistic talent whatsoever so no i would not be able to draw anything whatsoever. Wow.

Man, I'm glad I wasn't smart enough to have thought of that. Because it would have gone the exact same way. I wouldn't have been ballsy enough to do color. Good for you. I like it. We wouldn't have allowed that. Trying to think of other times.

Can you guys think of any other times we were retarded when we were kids just dumb shit we did there's so many stories all the times i gave my brother a concussion on accident because wwe you know it only happened twice and only one of the times in my actually i'm gonna say i'm blameless so the same thing would have happened if you weren't there actually that's not true one of those times he didn't even get concussed the time that i tied him up and put him in a wagon on top of a hill and pushed him down and he ran into a tree by happenstance wasn't on purpose he was meant to just go see how fast he would go and he hit his head he didn't even get concussed it was only the time that we were playing wwe and i was practicing the finishing moves in our concrete unfinished basement that I smacked his head.

And he couldn't remember that we had spaghetti 20 minutes before. I agree. That doesn't sound like your fault at all. No, it wasn't. I didn't mean to. That doesn't make it less your fault. No, it does. It does.

That's not how kindergarten rules. It turns out they need to know that when you're playing wwe 1998 and one of the special moves of the coolest character is grab them around the waist and slam them down that i'm gonna do it on concrete and i'm gonna remember the sickening crack of his head on that concrete for the rest of my life i mean who could have predicted that that would hurt him you can't you can't know some things i was like seven like a 12 year old yeah when you're when you're a kid you seem pretty indestructible right yeah like do you remember having that like cogent not cogent but that thought in your head i remember like watching movies and shit where someone gets shot

and i'm like yeah if i got shot that wouldn't happen to me i'd be fine oh if i got hit by a car probably the car that would be damaged like it when i was like five and six years old the idea of me dying wasn't even real you know like you think i'm indestructible everyone else is just it's like solipsistic in a way where like everybody's a little actor in my movie and then you get a little older and you're like oh shit like that kid in my class you got hit by a car and definitely didn't damage the car at all i must have uh maybe i'm remembering this in a faulty way but i feel like um as i as i turned 31 in a month or two um it felt like when you were a kid you could like sprain your ankle and then

like by 5 p.m you're good to go again like maybe you hurt it maybe you're out for a day or two nowadays if i get in the car wrong it feels like it's gonna hurt for a week i don't know oh it gets worse try have you tried to go on a trampoline in your 30s i climb on and i'm like why does my head already fucking pounding man i i sprained my back brushing my teeth now. Oh, man. I have to think while I'm fucking so I don't accidentally pull something. I didn't even know I had before. Taylor, I didn't know that went away. Every 9-11 comes around, I'm sitting there going, yeah, I totally would have fucking stopped.

I have elaborate fantasies of how I would have stopped it. I think everyone does that still. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that Mark Wahlberg interview? Yes. Where they were talking to him about 9-11, and he's like, yeah, I think I would have stopped it. It would have gone down differently if I was on that plane.

Oh, no. What the fuck is wrong with you? Jesus. No, come on, come on, come on. Don't hero shame him. Actually, no, that is a pretty cool thing to say. I would have stopped it. I would have stopped that in the subsequent 18-year war.

Every school shooting, I'm like, man, I fucking wish that would have happened to me. I'd be all over the news. I'd be firing library books at him. Frisbee style. I'd do that a little bit, yeah. But no, the plane thing, I think I wouldn't have done anything because my entire life, the first 30 years of it, if a plane gets hijacked, what happens is you don't get to

land at your favorite airport and you have to wear the same underwear for three days. That's the consequence of getting your plane hijacked. It ruins half of a vacation. And that's it. That's all that ever happened for like my whole life, according to my foggy memory. They didn't crash the plane into buildings or the ground or anything. They just made you sit there and held you hostage until they changed their mind so i yeah but i would have

known something was up woody i would have known oh well yeah you would have i could feel it in the air yeah i would have known in their eyes man uh-huh they got a box cutter to some lady's jugular and you're like i think i could disarm him in time that would have been if i were on that flight because i would have been like fucking 10 or 11 or whatever all i would have done is sit there with my pokemon game and been like this is gay and and that's what i would have been thinking about as i flew into the building was just how you know all the parents were being dumb and panicking like i guess i wouldn't have stopped it there's no way how old were you 10 yeah yeah well it was 2001 yes i'd be 10 yeah they would have never expected a 10 year old

coming at him though they wouldn't have and by the look of me i was much older if you guys don't know one of taylor's claim to fame is hitting puberty at like nine. Hit me like a train. Like, just like I, Oh, without exaggeration. Could you have grown your current beard at 12? No, I couldn't have done that.

I definitely not at 12. I remember though, because there was this one fucking weird autist at our school that got ripped on for everything. Like he was just fucking strange and weird and not even the kind where it's like, oh, at least he's friendly. No, he wasn't friendly. He was a prick

and retarded. You guys were bullying him all the time. No, I wasn't. This is the meanest thing I've ever said about him right here. I actually had him over to play Halo more than one time because I felt so bad for him. I never made fun.

I, cause he was the kid that I always thought even later into high school and shit. Like I am always going to be nice to this kid. I'm going to continue to be nice to him because if I'm going to be the guy in the parking lot, if he ever shows up with a gun, he'll go, Taylor, go home.

And so I always, I knew I'd be safe from that. I was always cool to that kid, but, but he was weird. And he started shaving in eighth grade, which was way earlier than most people. And it was those thick hairs that you can step on and give yourself a splinter. Sometimes I get those that'll come out of your beard.

And he got those, and he did not take care of it. And people ripped on him all the time, being like, ah, you have facial hair. It looks terrible. You look awful. You look gross, fatty. That had nothing to do with it, but they call him that too. And I remember being so afraid of being like that guy that I had my dad teach me to shave. And like all of eighth grade, I meticulously would shave to make sure nobody could tell

that I was growing a bunch of facial hair. And then next year, everybody decided it was cool to start growing beards because one of the popular kids started growing a beard and then I just let it go. And it didn't look great for a while. But man, I hope you're doing well out there, guy. Last time I spoke to you, you helped me at... I totally forgot about this. Last time I saw that guy was like five years ago. I was at a mall in St. Louis and I went, I was in the food court and I went up to the Chick-fil-A and I was waiting and it was a set of like three cashiers because Chick-fil-A's are always busy. And as soon as I get in line, one of them leaves and and this motherfucker comes around the corner, and he recognizes me.

And I get up to the front. He's like, Taylor, how's it going, man? I'm like, hey, pretty good, pretty good. And he's like, that's good to hear. Really not going well with me. My mom died. That's too bad, man. Man, can I get a number one?

That was the most uncomfortable I've ever been at a Chick-fil-A. Most of the time I feel very welcome knowing I'm safe. Safe? They hate gay people. From homosexuals. Yeah, from all those mass shooting gays out there. Yeah, I was calling you gay, but yeah. As if being gay is a bad thing, Woody. Maybe I am gay.

I... I'm such an asshole. Oh, Woody, you had to stop and think for a second. No, I held it back. I'm like, well, so here's my thought process, right? If black people can say the N word and gay people can say the F word, that's why Taylor gets to say the R word and gay people can say the F word, that's why Taylor gets to say the R word,

but we could throw the F in there to round the package out. If he were gay. See F word doesn't work. Fuck already has that on lock. They got to think of the new thing. Yeah. The bundle. I'm actually,

as your resident SJW, I'll tell you that the way that we say it is F slur. That's how people know that you're. referring yeah me too actually destiny i think horseshoe theory is right we've we talk about it so much that we've already figured out how to say it to each other oh there you go on my end i use it so much in private that i have to have something to say in public on destiny's end he's probably castigating people like me but yeah f slur f slur it feels good I use it so much in private that I have to have something to say in public on Destiny's End. He's probably castigating people like me. But yeah, F slur.

F slur. It feels good to say, too. F slur. Or another replacement is people are saying frog instead of, I don't know what we're allowed to say, but instead of the F slur. Not frog, for heaven's sake. Back it off, Destiny. So, for instance. Oh, okay.

So, you know how you would say things like he's a new fag or an old fag well now they say new frog or old frog to replace it so you know everybody's happy except people that love frogs i guess and french i never even thought about the new fag old fag thing having that word in it like it was just like a internet term like i don't know but i also miss a lot of stuff. So when you guys... Okay, I actually had never considered this before, and I admit I could be levels of fucked up.

When you guys think of the school shootings and stuff, you guys are always thinking, like, if I was at school, I could stop the shooter? Because I would always think, like, if I was the shooter, I could have got way more kids. That was usually the thought process that I was on. No, I'm on the other side.

You're very right. Yeah, I'll usually think about that. You like to play so many video games, right? Yeah, I'd be like, well, if I would have done that, I would have stormed from the north entrance. But then if I were a kid, I would have fleed this way and done this. And then in real life, I'd be there openly weeping. Destiny, work with me here. This is my technique. I would have fleed this way and done this. And then in real life, I'd be there openly weeping.

Destiny, work with me here. This is my technique. Wait, is this for shooting a school, hijacking a plane? This is a school shooting. Right? So I'm a teenager. They all know me. I go in there.

My gun is somewhat obscured by maybe my trench coat. Who knows? I act like they're hostages you know like i'm trying to hold them in the corner uh until i get a better grade or whatever it is and then i open fire that's how i maximize my kd ratio what's your plan that i am okay that it's a school full of terrorists so i have no guilt i honest to god i i honestly shouldn't say this because i literally just talked to the fbi two months ago because people submit tips that i'm going to do terrorist attacks but now fuck it i hopefully don't like it so what i would always think okay now this seems

fucked up but let me tell you this doesn't come out of my hatred for children it comes out of my hatred for unnecessary queuing or lines okay what i would think is the easiest place to kill a lot of people are in security lines now one of the things that would happen in our school maybe um yeah this was before i guess before we've been doing like shooter drills or whatever but anytime there was like an emergency drill all of us would line up we'd go outside and we all stand in these straight lines outside the building waiting for the fire marshal or the police chief to come and like clear everything so i always thought well if i was going to do anything i would just get a whole bag of firecrackers i'd send them up at some point in the school and they'd all go off and then when we'd all go outside and everybody

was standing in nice straight lines in the middle of the crowd i just pull them out and go crazy it seems like the easiest place to get but they could so easily scatter man that is devious but there's they could so easily what scatter now with you got devious. They could so easily what? Scatter. Now, you got like 800 kids? That's a lot of time. You can't outrun a bullet, man. He's going for collateral. You need a weapon that has penetration. Not to mention, there'd be like all the

bodies absorbing the sound. People wouldn't know exactly where the shots are coming from. I think you could get more than like two. You'd get a lot of people through the trample effect as well. Yeah, there you go. And it turns out shooters do get credit for the trample effect as well yeah there you go and and it turns out shooters do get credit for the trample effect because i've heard people say that guy in vegas he shot like 700 people he shot like 50 people or something and got hundreds and hundreds wounded from the trampling and so is that it because i i might be off on this. This is a PKA stat. But I think he shot 1,000 rounds

or more. He shot a lot of rounds. Yeah. He had drums that had 100. He hit 700 people though. He was so far away. He wounded 422 people is what I'm seeing on my quick Wikipedia search.

With gunshot wounds though? It was 851 injuries, 422 by gunfire. Oh, okay. Well, I was underselling him. That probably was one of the first mass shootings in US history

where gamers around the world were like, eh. Right? Don't have room to talk. He did his shit yeah how come we never found out anything about that guy like literally nothing has come out about that guy it was like the next week so you know trump farted or ripped his pants or a toilet paper on his shoe and they're like that's probably true what big shooter real life drama is actually really similar to internet drama it's hard to tell but if you're

ever involved in some internet drama all you have to do is hold your just close your eyes and listen in three weeks whatever the fuck it is no one will remember it and it's true if you just keep making content keep streaming making youtube videos whatever the fuck you were talking about everyone forgets about it there's videos there's something admirable about a guy who like sort of keeps his chin up and pushes on even though it's his moment in the barrel right he's in the doghouse right now uh he could easily be hiding but instead he's just like hey here i am and that's why when uh 2013 uh girl hacked my twitter leaked my dick pics wasn't a good picture even and i was next day i went home i just streamed laughed about it two or three days four days later no one was bringing it up i didn't even push through it yeah that. Yeah, there you go. You just push through it.

People stopped talking about it. Dick, what are you typing for there? What are you looking for, buddy? No, I was just scrolling. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happened to me after Maddox released the rapist thing. That was the last day I used Facebook. But I was like, who cares like somebody to have a drink i've made we made dinner with my girlfriend and laughed it off and then it went away maddox

tried to me to you oh yeah yeah you guys didn't know about that a hundred million dollar lawsuit or whatever yeah this was before the half a billion dollar lawsuit, Maddox. So the very first thing that Maddox ever did to me. This was the 8 Champos thing, right? No, this was even before that. This was in tandem with that. He took a line from our old show after we broke up and had our own shows. And I was just making fun of him like normal radio stuff. He cut out me saying we were in a heated argument uh where destiny as you know i often

don't make sense or i'm not able to phrase my thoughts very well in a heated argument most coherent manner here uh what how dare you say that uh i said something i said basically women have an obligation to protect themselves because crime is kind of a force of nature like there's bad guys out there and you have have 100% obligation to protect yourself. Obviously, I didn't phrase it in that way. But he clipped it out and said that he didn't want to work with... The reason he ended the show is because he didn't want to work with someone who was a rape apologist anymore,

and then found an 8chan thread that somebody had made that used the name of my show. It had almost nothing to do with it. But he sent that out. And it was like. God it was 2016. So the Me Too shit. Hadn't even caught on.

But every. A ton of female comedians in UCB. Grabbed on to it. I got kicked off of this long running show. I was on. That I was one of the show i was on that i was one of the main attractors like i was one of the big stars of as pathetic as it is for me to say out loud it was good like it felt good and it was fun for me it was nice to have i got kicked off that show within like two hours guy called i was like yeah sorry man it's just the if we don't kick you off

they'll basically come to our houses and tear our balls off. We had a guy who got MeToo'd falsely on the show a couple weeks ago from Screen Rant. What was his name? Andy Senor, probably. Yeah, his case

was... Nice guy, too. Yeah, it really bothered me how poorly he came out of that like he lost his gig and all that stuff that people know this is just a couple weeks ago but he uh was having an affair with his wife or against against his wife i don't know how to phrase it with this woman they multiple times she was a repeat customer they'd set it up in advance they did the next day she'd be like when am i going to get to see you again?

Totally not a rape situation. But his attorneys perhaps gave him good legal advice, which was to stay quiet, don't talk about it. But it was terrible PR advice. So for like a year, her lies were just the accepted truth. And that, I don't know, something about that sunk in in with me how awful that would be to happen yeah um he was if i remember right he was not talking about it because he was also suing defy media the company who fired him or who owned whatever company he got fired from that was his reason because he wanted to get something for his wife and kids i don't think he mentions it usually because uh i don't

know i mean i i don't want to guess um but then that company went out of business so i don't know if he's just it was a bad strategy lawsuit i don't know if he got fucked out of the whatever windfall he was going for with his wife and kids but yeah it's a sad story so you guys are all kind of like at the um in circles that are pretty deep in like these internet famous corners of, I guess, the internet. Do you ever notice, so being big in like a streamer world,

do you ever notice that you read a lot of drama online and when you actually know the people involved and you know what actually happened, it's like the worst game of telephone by the time people are are talking about it publicly. Sometimes I wonder, even when you read history, how much stuff was actually as spicy as people say it was. Because when you read shit on the internet,

even in the very thread that was posted about this show, I read about how apparently I was fucking 15-year-olds all throughout my early StarCraft II career and everything. And I was like, this year olds all throughout my early starcraft 2 career and everything and i was like this is this is because i'm crazy shit i either was too much and i don't remember anything or whatever but um it seems like yes so much of what's on the internet it's like you know kind of like dick said it'll start with like um so like you had that show so i didn't see it but i'm gonna guess you're saying something like oh you know you have a responsibility to keep yourself safe or whatever you know you clip it and cut it a little bit and now it's you know dick was saying well women are in charge of not being raped and then when that gets reported

and then talked about you know two weeks later somebody's typing well dick masterson says that when women are getting sexually assaulted it's because they deserve it and they want it to happen and that becomes like the new fact oh it was said flat out is uh maddox said that i said they deserve it and and i mean framed it in the worst possible like in in here's the point i'm making uh framed it in a way that is totally unbelievable for any reasonable person to think and um people just eat it up because they like they want to believe that this horrible monster exists and it's more entertaining to believe that this horrible monster exists. It's more entertaining to believe it.

And they never, ever listen to the source. Never. It won't even be the article. It'll be the headline of the article. No one will have ever heard. I have to be careful of that. On stream, someone will give me a news. Did you hear this guy said this?

And it looks bad. And I want to, you know, this is going to be funny. I'll go off on this. But like, wait, wait, wait, wait, real quick. Let's just listen to the full video. Not the 22-second video. Let's just listen to the the full video not the 22 seconds let's just do like the two minute clip and it's never as horrible it's always like no yeah it's kind of dumb you should have said but in the articles they write about it they'll sometimes they'll do that shit where they won't

put the real truth in the headline they won't put the real truth in the body of the article until like paragraph 17 where they're like and everything that you've heard here today is from reddit user r slash cooter eater 69 it's like are you fucking high like yeah they really do do that shit now like they'll like real real ass publications like the washington post will be like you know twitter users aflame with anger over another twitter user and it'll'll list, and it's people angry, people with 48 followers. Like some boomer dad with sunglasses standing by his grill, or one of those weird anime pictures

that people have. So it's just ridiculous. You can really, that must be a dream for journalists, to have something like Twitter, where they can be like, hmm, what do I want to write about today? Oh, I'll just search a term.

Wow, five people are talking about it? Twitter's aflame with that kind of shit. I mean, it's probably a dream and a nightmare. It probably starts as a nightmare and maybe turns into a dream. Because I imagine you probably go, I would imagine or I would hope that anybody that pursues some interest is doing it out of, you know, some righteous passion, I imagine. And then maybe you get your first job and it's like,

I want to do a real hard-hitting investigative thing. And it's like, you could. Or you get your first job and it's like i want to do a real hard hitting investigative thing and it's like you could or you could just go ahead and take like the five most popular twitter mentions and then go ahead and throw them in the story we can call it quits you know like i imagine people probably get um yeah disinterested after having to go through the process so many times yeah i mean how hard would it be to like find to hard hit a story that could be broken to the degree that you could make a light like make a living off of it there's just not that you know even if you found the most compelling story there is on the planet right now and spent whatever years investigating in it you you couldn't live off that salary well i mean off that initial no no one's talking about

the panama papers there's a real big story. In fairness, the reporter's dead. Nobody's talking about Epstein anymore. Epstein is going to be old news. Give that a week or two. Of course, these huge hard-hitting... There was a big one about Trump and his son and some big tax fraud. All of these huge groundbreaking pieces

are breaking ground for five to six days max. Then no one's talking about it again. The news cycle goes, people forget, and it's the next big thing. I wonder if the news cycle will change back post-Trump. News cycles have always been a thing. Trump is a symptom. It's not like Trump is causing the news cycle.

In a large part, Trump is here because of the news cycle, I think. I disagree. I think that Trump has a special power to get attention, and he does things that are a little wilder. Obama didn't take a sharpie to a weather map and say i was right about alabama he never did anything like that well i mean he's good at pulling eyes and that's what those guys are trying to do at the end of

the day is get advertising he's good at pulling eyes so the question is will the news cycle go back to as rapid fire as it is now when the next president doesn't pull eyes well i mean like it's like when you walk into a store and you see a kid and the kid is a real whiny piece of shit he wants a candy bar parent says no and the kid is screaming for it now maybe this is me being a parent of an eight-year-old i don't see like a whiny bad kid i see a parent that probably gave into that kid way too many times and i kind of look at trump the same way like i don't think that trump all of a sudden worked the whole news cycle i think that you know media is just always looking for hits they're looking for whatever the headlines are

and then a guy stepped up and wanted to give it to you like oh fuck like you got millions hundreds of millions of dollars of free press because he was entertaining and that's what the the news cycles are looking for right they just want clicks yeah they just want visibility and they are not going to slow down after this they're going to find new targets of people you know they won't be able to rely on one dude the way they are with trump but they'll they're going to have to keep it amped up turned up to 11 like that's the business model now that that's what they have to do if they don't like uh after all the russia shit came out and that story died look at what happened to like msnbc's ratings tanked just fucking and so they know fuck when trump gets out

of office we have to keep this amped up we have to keep these stories turned up to 11 or we're going to suffer you know cataclysmic failure and in addition to the fact that new media online is already eating their fucking lunch which is kind of fun to see yeah but your argument that they have to i agree with that they're going to be able to well that's not proven right you know i don't know you know msbc's ratings tanked after uh the whole muller report thing came out okay i agree with that that but the next guy that comes along they're not going to be able to just manufacture that kind of success just like they weren't able to manufacture it right then yeah if you're saying they might not be able to i agree with you i'm saying that they're going to do everything in their power to try they'll they'll you know

throw a bunch of options out there this guy's doing this oh wait no that's not that interesting oh there's a global pedophile rape ring oh we can't talk about that you know talk about epstein you're going to get a bunch of views somebody will be incentivized to be that jackass that they need like if that's the behavior they're going to write about and they need to keep on, uh, keep the lights on, then there,

somebody will figure out how to be that jackass. You know, who hasn't come back that I expected to come back. Milo. I thought Milo would have his career resurgence. He crossed the pedophile line was too much. That's still like, uh,

I can get, I think, yeah. That's still like a... I can get a hold of that. I think... Yeah, what the fuck? What's he doing now? He's on Telegram. That's all he's doing. He's writing on Gab about how angry he is that none of the other platforms are taking off.

There was something that was released about him like a month ago. He was really upset that there are no users on DLive or these other alternative platforms. DLive. He's funny and he's conservative and there aren't many set that there are no users on like d live or these other alternative platforms d live he um he's funny and he's conservative and there aren't many like that that's a really small market all the funny people are liberals is he really conservative my love like that yeah is he i think that's how we describe i just remember the main thing about him when we had him on the show years ago was him just like every time Catholicism came up

and we'd be like, yeah, but like... He would, let me guess, he would talk about how good Michael or whatever taught him to give head? Is that... Yeah. Probably, yeah. Yeah, actually... I've heard that story 50 million times on everything I've listened to him. Yeah, he always means that. He's pro-religion. He calls Trump

daddy, which I think he means in a really nice way. In a strictly gay way. He would be all Mr. edgy out there. Oh, I'm conservative and all that. Then we'd be like, how do you reconcile being Catholic and being gay and stuff? Remember that? We just asked him

about it just to ask, not like any of us give a fuck if he sucks cock or not. He would not address it. Not at all. Just skipped right to the next thing. Just gallop right over you. Boy, girl, if you suck cock, I'm on your team. Sucking cock is a very Catholic thing to do.

The eighth sacrament, I think they call it. know he came on this show whatever all this pedophilia in the catholic church has been just priests sucking off the boys the whole time there's been nothing but that it's just them them doing the deed we should get it back on and relaunch his career i wouldn't be funny at all holy shit can you when you title this you can put dicks just don't don't put me in the title for this episode i feel like we've crossed more lines than normal jesus we've got school shooting fantasies and now we are championing the catholic church's molestation of catholic boys destiny school shooting fantasy in the title i can see it oh man you guys are blowing all the

element of surprises school shooters though i noticed you're talking about how to corral them and load them up the real way to do a school shooting is to wait in the bathroom where they come in one at a time they're gonna find out when they hear a gun go off wait till wait till they pull their pants off and get in the stall and then you just choke them out next Next one. Dude, if somebody was going to execute me with my pants down... You're the South Valley Elementary School Strangler. I like the way you're headed with this.

Yeah. If I had my pants off and someone was going to kill me, I would ask them to let me pull my pants up. Because the way I pee at urinals is everything all the way to my ankles Ben Shapiro style. Yeah. I have this i have this

horrible um this horrible idea for a three or four minute skit and it's a guy who is ready to go crazy with the school and he spends weeks planning out the perfect string of murders that he would do by choking kids and he waits in the bathroom and the first kid comes and he chokes him out and he waits for four hours nobody comes uh school teacher shows up police come in and they arrest him and they're trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and the first kid that he choked out when the police empty his pockets he would have had the bathroom pass and since he didn't bring it back to class to give to any other kids nobody else was able to go in wow man high iq maneuver wait this is something like this happened the guy who curated on uh

encyclopedia encyclopedia dramatica he curated the school shooting space because he was obsessed with it he ended up trying to do one himself and a kid walked into the bathroom while he had his pants off or something like that um so i i forget what happened to him i don't know if he went to jail or if he killed himself but that happened to like the guy who obsessively planned his school shooting man what do you do in that situation just walk out like this has been a social experiment and i'm on my way like that seems to get you out of a lot of things it's a social experiment experiment yeah i've always wondered i wanted to grab your tit as a social experiment if you were to plan a murder like that could you send an email in advance to some random account and be like just in case i get caught by

the police none of this was actually going to happen here's the full plan i was it was an investigative journalist for peace i wanted to see how the police would investigate it like if you got caught before you were able to get your stuff off. I wonder if any of that would ever hold up. It's a high IQ maneuver. Now we've crossed the line into Destiny giving genuinely good advice. Somebody's out there in a fucking trench coat. This is good shit.

This is going in the good idea journal. Yeah. Well. I guess we're This is good shit. This is going in the good idea journal. Yeah. Well. I guess we're... That wouldn't have been good to say. Okay, so for the next topic, can we talk about our favorite charities to work with or what the last

good faith event we did? Yeah, all the ones that Chick-fil-A works with. Helping people. All the ones that Chick-fil-A works with. Helping people. All the ones that Chick-fil-A works with. I donate in the form of Monday chicken sandwiches. Doctors Against Gays. Shouldn't you be doing charity work or some type of labor in solidarity with our missing friend here or whatever? Because I'm sure he's doing a lot of work for free right now.

Oh, if either of us went to prison, he would not do any charity work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Are you guys doing like a legalized hash march or something like that no because you know we really haven't done anything i i i had in my head i'm like i'm gonna send him letters never did that oh i'm gonna try and get them all no forgot i um yeah i've given him my information twice to get like the background check process cooking.

But at this point, is he on like next week's show? He's only got two more weeks of prison. He'll he'll be fine. And he's read. He read all the Harry Potters. He's not working out. I'm anti that. I mean, now, if you try to contact him you're gonna have to explain why

it took so long right like that would be the he needed to get to me i gave him i tried to get clear they didn't like get it done on his side i i love that kyle's gonna come out of prison like the opposite of tough you know he's gonna be well read on harry potter and not have worked out at all wearing a pair of thick thick glasses, maybe got his prescription updated. He also, he said he's not, she didn't shave the entire eight weeks. Is that? His eight weeks stint. Is that true?

No, he said he was gonna do it, but that's not the same, I mean, we all say shit we're gonna do. I thought I saw a comment from Chiz on our Reddit saying that he's stuck with it, but. Chiz, though, he's probably lying. Filthy fucking liar.

Chizbag. Damn it, I'm kicking myself. Right in front of me. Can we have prison friends, minimum security prison friends when he comes out? Oh, I hope. I hope we can have one of those minimum security

prison friends on the show and they can swap horror stories about i bet that their showers there are nicer than the ones i had in high school i bet they have dividers in the showers there because some banker with a shriveled up ruined dick doesn't want to show it off is what i assume prison's like i wonder if the reddit account chis bag is taken at this point in the show yet. Oh, definitely. Someone should have signed up and be like, darn it, it's taken.

No, Chiz will get it first to listen to this. Oh, that's a high IQ move. As soon as it's over. Every week. Is that true? Yeah. I knew he listened to them all. He's always up to date. I didn't know how quick he was.

My girlfriend listens to the show. My mom listens to date um i didn't know how quick he was my girlfriend listens to the show my mom listens to the show i surprised we're still together no that's a good way to air your problems out with your girlfriend i do that too like i won't bring shit up to with her because that's pointless communication relationship is a fucking joke it's a lie perpetrated by feminists but i will air my grievances on the show so then i get like whatever 50 000 people backing me up say see there you go no she's wrong i'm a genius yeah it's annoying when you fake gasp at shit that's not dangerous it gives me a fucking heart attack and all these guys agree with me fuck you wait oh wait are you talking about uh i actually lose my mind when people do this when

you're driving yes when you're driving and maybe you're getting ready to turn and out of nowhere you hear the and I'm like oh shit what's going on that dog over there is so cute and my heart rate my pulse is at like 140 I thought I was about to get T-boned by a semi and I'm like Jesus shut the fuck up

shut the fuck up that's why they live longer they're chiseling away 10 minutes at a time with those fucking gaps. My girlfriend, she handed me a plate of chicken the other day and went, as soon as she gave it to me, I'm like, what was that for? What was that for? I've never dropped a plate of chicken in my life. I'm just as hungry as you. Like, what was that?

Is she fucking with you or is it just built into her retardation yeah it's built into the design flaw what do you what i don't know i didn't she could be fucking with you you have like the mental list of stuff that like so there you have like tiers of relationship problems like this needs to be addressed right now this is ammunition for later she fucks up And then this is stuff that I could bring up, but I'm fucking, I'm too lazy. Right.

Do you ever, are you ever on a show and you pull from that list of like, I'm too lazy to bring this up, but it makes for a good story and you finish a show. It's a good one. And you get like a text or something from her later. She's like, Hey,

is there something you want to talk to me about? And you're like, Oh shit. What did I say? I don't have to go back to continue it's okay you got it out of your system now go back to shutting the fuck up about it yeah my wife does not watch the show and that's good i'm super happy about that my dad told me sometimes he it is shocking the number of people like in my life like just

like friends who've never mentioned it will be like hey that uh i saw you had that uh that dick guy on he's really funny i like him like don't don't listen to the show please and my dad he was like you know i was listening to the show and it's a little out there but it's it's very funny it's very funny i was listening to it in my it's a little out there, but it's, it's very funny. It's very funny. I was listening to it in my office, but I found that I kept having to put my hand on the dial to turn it down when you would call someone retarded or something. And so I just decided that's a activity for home. And I'm like, dad, please, please don't listen. My grandparents have literally cut,

like they know I do this. They're like Southern Missouri, like strong creation kind of folk. And like my mom will be like, like, Oh, I've listened to one or two. It's very funny. It's, it's a little raunchy though.

And my grandma will be like, I am never going to listen to my little baby on that show because I don't even want to know the kind of things he's saying. It's, I'm not going to let it happen. I'm not listening to it. My worst is when my real life and my like online life crossover, you know my dental hygienist is like yeah you know what's the name of your show again like that shows you're a good person it's not you're not my demographic you know

i had my um my sister messaged me uh like two weeks ago and she told me hey um my my my niece and nephew her children um saw your last youtube video and i thought it was really funny and i'm like your kids are like fucking 12 years old why the fuck are they watching my shit i and i can't say that because i don't because i don't want to like you know maybe they're watching a lot of other shit i don't want to rat them out or whatever but i'm like oh yeah two f-bombs and two s's in the last three sentences. Why are your children watching this? Yeah. It is funny, though.

Like, having to make that, like, so dis... That was the worst. The worst. Like, in college. Like, I guess, like, I've been doing this show for, like, over five years now. And, like, trying to hit on a girl or something out at a bar. And this is 2013 or whatever podcasting isn't as well known with just normal people out and about on the college campus i was at or at the bar i was at

i was out of college then and like going up to a girl and starting to chit chat and then having a drunk friend be like this is shaylor he does as a podcast and i'd be like well i'm not gonna waste time continuing this conversation because you're looking at me like I'm a fucking weirdo now. Tim, stop. Stop. I know you've said you think it's cool. It's not. It's not.

It's not cool. People are looking at me like I'm retarded and I don't care for it. And so, yeah, don't. If you have a buddy out there, listeners, who does a podcast, don't bring it up in public. Don't. Yeah. I think it's almost gotten to the point where it seems maybe it's just because of the corner of the internet i'm in it seems like every

fucking person is a fucking podcast now like if you do anything on the internet if you have a sound cloud if you have a fucking twitch stream or whatever you also just make a podcast i don't it's see i don't know is it is it really that uh do you look down another other pod... If some guy says, I have a podcast too, it's like... Fuck you. When you hit episode 52, ring me back. There can only be one. You're 11 episodes into your podcast? Get the fuck out of here.

You don't have a podcast. Yeah, because you guys actually had one of the first ones with a bunch of gaming... I don't know if it's so elitist you need five or seven hundred episodes, but if you're under 52, which to me is less than a year, get the fuck out of here. You haven't done shit yet. You don't have a podcast.

How about the, I have an idea for a podcast. Me and my buddies, we got so many funny stories. We're like, okay, yeah. Can I... I sell life insurance. That's what I do. Oh, what does your boyfriend I? Oh, the worst. That's what I do. Oh, what does your boyfriend do?

He sells life insurance. Oh, yeah, no follow-up questions at all. Great. Literally, a friend of mine, a good friend of mine, who owns an insurance brokerage, whatever the fuck, the other day was telling me a story. And usually when people who work in insurance tell you a story, it's painful.

It's upsettingly boring. And he was like yeah hired this guy thought he was the real deal and then one day he wasn't hitting the sales quota so i went in checked his internet history and turns out every time i'm not in the office this motherfucker is researching shit about samurais in ancient japan this guy's cool guy of the week so far i'm like this guy rules on me and the thing is he's he's a little jewish guy i don't know why he's so into the jet i don't know i don't know but he's it turned out from from 11 to 5 that day he looked up the yang dynasty or some shit and just read about it and so yeah he's that

guy's getting fired i mean that's what you should be concerned about if you're a parent right not about them staying home and beating off relentlessly but if you come back and check the history and it's uh it's 50 ways to study the blade that you've been looking at for three hours that's a conversation you need to have he literally said that he. He's like, and I found on YouTube, like, blade crafting tips. Well, the worst thing about being a parent now is, like, your parents can high-road the fuck out of you. You know? When your parents scold you, you know,

we didn't do drugs when we were kids. Man, fuck bullshit. There is no fucking way that Woodstock happened in this country, and every single one of you motherfuckers was as stuck up as you're acting right now. But I can't play that same card to my kid anymore. Now, if my kid gets in trouble when he's in high school hey nathan come on dude why what are you doing this shit he would just say you know dad i watched a video of you in 2012 calling that korean guy a gook i don't think you have much room to talk i can't high road

my kid anymore i'm fucking not like jesus christ what do i say to that go talk to your mom she doesn't have an online life like I do, I guess. Nathan, it was funny then. It's funny now. That's neither here nor there. But you got to stop pulling shit related. It's funny as it is. I do think it's really cool.

Everybody, or at least I wish I could have seen like my parents as kids and not like in the fucking black and white or like the barely colored. You are your parents as kids. Yeah. My parents as kids. As a in the fucking black and white or like the barely colored you are your parents as kids yeah or my parents as kids as a child oh yeah to see like your parents as kids ask it parents as kids right yeah um just to see them like their mannerisms and their acting everything i think it's really cool that when we were when our kids get older like there's a lot of video like you know what i was at 20 you could see videos of and everything i think that'd be pretty cool or really scary i guess depending on the legacy you have left behind the kids growing up right now are gonna have beyond zero privacy their whole life how many kids are growing up learning their first words as alexa is logging them and sending them to the nsa like it's it's

insane like and then in the same breath, we'll be like, those Chinese people with their social credit system? Crazy. Thank God that's not coming down the pike here quickly. Listen, Chinese people have a social credit

system because they need a social credit system. It's going to improve their society. Yeah. I mean, other than the thousand bucks a month, that's what I like so much about Andrew Yang, the social credit system. He's important for us. You didn't hear about that? He's like, oh, I make sure everybody

behave. Andrew Yang in French is terrible. Oh, God. For the record, I disavow that joke okay i got a lot of fans about the type of reddit thread up okay i disavow all of that humor i love andrew yang i already i was actually i'm just joking i was poised to interview him and then buzzfeed published an article that uh described me as a racist and their campaign canceled. This is when it got really big. We had an email campaign, we had a date set up and everything, then BuzzFeed released an article

and then they sent me like, hey we need to postpone this for a month, we'll get back to you, and I'm like... Thanks. Yang just passed Buttigieg in the polls. Maybe in one, no way, on an average, did he? I read it on the internet. Don't dispute it. I'm sorry. What was I thinking? It's an appropriate response.

What did they use for your racism, Destiny? BuzzFeed, of all places. Yeah, you're not a racist. So, sometimes on Twitch, we're allowed to use certain words given a certain connotation, right? So, a long time ago, I was talking

about the sentence I used was something like, people that are racist in this manner are the same type of people that would call Black people niggers. And I said that statement and the way that it got clipped, I got banned for three days because Twitch said it was a little bit too egregious. But now people play it like, oh, Destiny calls Black people

niggers casually. And it's like, I don't. But Buzz but buzzfeed picked up on that reported that i've been banned for racism twitch and it's like to be fair i have done some racist shit but it was like 10 or well seven or eight years ago i don't usually do it anymore but yeah but yeah i think i feel like most of the time those people will be like this guy is this guy is racist oh he did he said this or did a silly voice to make people laugh. I feel like a lot of people are pretending to believe that person is racist when in reality they'll be like, you know how people are. I'll say this much.

I have edgy humor and shit. Nothing has ever gotten leaked of me actually going in on some dude. And you will never get a goddamn picture of me wearing fucking blackface i don't know i don't know at what point all the white people got together i missed this thing where everybody wore black i and i even hear people say this is true well back in that day you know blackface was more it was like fucking 1997 or something like 2001 oh okay it was too no what is this back in the day that you that's not back in the day 2000 past this is that's today that's that's not that far back where blackface is acceptable there's oh my

god there are no photos of me wearing blackface because i've never worn blackface but there's a lot of audio of me defending it well there's no way that you guys are going to find my prom pictures yeah i just i i i generally as my like is this okay thing i do the is it okay to do it to me is it okay to dress as me for halloween absolutely it was hilarious when dave chappelle did uh what is the the t-shirt that i get in trouble for wearing it's not abercrombie and fitch it's uh holster yeah holister get yourllister get your cargo pants maybe some inappropriate sneakers be me for halloween knock yourself out i don't care i'm honored actually i think if someone was me for halloween i think that would be pretty fucking funny so when they get mad that i dress up as uh magic johnson in blackface dude i'm not making fun of him. I just like him. It's an homage.

Yeah. It's an homage. Yeah. I'm even carrying my AIDS medication. I'm at about one disavow per minute now over the past two minutes. I'm going to not defend that take. I mean, I think we all left Woody out on that pier a little bit. Yeah.

I don't. Like, you can do it as an insult. There's the minstrel thing, which I think is just exaggerating the features. But, you know, if I'm just dressing up as LeBron, it's because he's baller. I think it's one of those things. You paint the hands too, Woody? What did you say? You paint the backs of your hands too?

I've never done any of it. I just don't see it as an insult. You just paint the backs of your hands too? So fucking funny. Is it an eyedropper on Photoshop to figure out what kind of shoe polish to get? I think

blackface is one of those things where you probably could do it in good faith, but it's just all the people that are really for it kind of make you wonder. There's probably a valid discussion to be had about the age of consent in america but when that's the first topic that a libertarian opens with you know

what do you believe in politically i'm a libertarian i think it's real fucked up the state tells us like when we can't or can't have sex with kids like yeah that's an interesting opener there that's an interesting most important issue you know open with that because that is not a winning little not a winning tactic have you not watched their debates like they are immediately they're trying to out libertarian each other they're trying to out edge each other i watched part of a clip of one debate and someone in the audience was like what do you think about driver's licenses needed to drive? And then like Gary Johnson or some like fucking loser is like, you know, with his pot pin on like, well, we do need driver's licenses.

And everybody there is like. The crazy thing was the guy before Gary Johnson, his response that was met with thunderous applause was, what do we need next? A license to operate a toaster? And everybody was going wild in that convention. And then Gary stepped up. A license to operate heavy machinery? A guy that you're talking about is delivering that line like he's Martin Luther King.

He's up there like, do we need a in my to toast in my damn kitchen and it's like man what the fuck are you talking about oh that is funny he's like i'm libertarian i want low taxes no government and age extent let's let's spend four to five hours talking about that right now you guys need to convince people that your pants are on the right way first before you get into consent. Yeah. You're, uh... Yeah, that's not... I really want to know where you were going to go from there.

Yeah, I was silent. That's staying in. That's staying in. I wonder what it was. You know, it was great. The best content ever. Is that passage a little bit more difficult to navigate than you assumed, maybe? I don't know if I'm funny enough.

We haven't talked about this impeachment thing yet. I feel like we have to. That's not even funny, though. Do we have to? Yeah, I don't care. The President of the United States is going to be impeached. They have enough votes. He's trending. Destiny, he's trending. We've got to talk about it. He's trending, Destiny. It's not even our choice. don't care the president of the united states is gonna be impeached they have enough votes trending

destiny he's trending we gotta talk about destiny it's not even our choice um last i read pelosi said this time we're really gonna do it um are they is the house actually filing for 218 votes which is the exact number they need what does that mean to file it no filing it is do you want to take this destiny no go ahead i hope i get this right so i think there's like a couple layers has to get to the judiciary committee and then something else i forget if the democrats outnumber the republicans in this place 24 to 17 or if 17 of the 24 are democrats. But in any case, it should fly through and then actually get voted on. In the broader 535 people, they have 218 votes, which is what they need. So it's next to a lock, it seems, that it gets through the House.

But why would they send it to the Senate when the Senate's going to shut it down? And then like, and I did, we were talking about this the other day, Woody, I looked it up. Like, yeah, Clinton's approval rating after he was impeached soared, especially among Democrats, like people really rallied around him. And so to me, it seems like the economy was booming and Al Gore lost. Right. I think this like revisionist history that somehow the Democrats just started kicking ass after Clinton got impeached is off target. And not necessarily kicking ass but i mean there's an election coming up that he could run again clinton wasn't able to run again he'd already served his eight years so it seems like it might like really amp up republicans to like circle the

wagons like i don't because the senate's not going to go through with it like the idea is this is um this is like the idealist versus what actually happened so the idea is we're going to send it to the Senate and every goddamn conservative that votes no on it, that's going to be a mark on your permanent record. The history books are going to write about you, right? That's what like the idealist progressive social Democrat wants. That's why they want to push impeachment through. My problem with it, the reality is,

is if we remember the blue wave, you know, there were a lot of Democrats in the house that won seats in districts that voted for Trump by 10 or more points. These guys probably aren't going to want to jump on the impeachment train because they're going to want to win their next election. The reason why impeachment is such a difficult process, especially when there's no chance of it getting through when you're just doing it for symbolic reasons, you might get a symbolic victory in the house by sending impeachment to the Senate, but you're getting a very tangible loss on the ground when you, because either one or two things happen. Either you don't support it when you're a Democrat, because you don't want to lose the

district you won, because these people are still like heavily okay with Trump, or you do support it and you lose your district. And if you don't support it, other more radical Democrats like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or the other justice stems that are in very blue, very safe districts, they'll come launch attacks at you. Like, dude, you won your district by 40 points. I barely won mine, and they went heavy for Trump. How are you going to tell me that I need to support impeachment when it's going to die in the Senate anyway, right? It gets very messy to try to do that, Am. It doesn't seem like a good tactical move.

No, it's not. to try to do that, Em. Doesn't seem like a good tactical move. No, it's not. Maybe it's because we have leprosy in LA now and they want to distract from that, that the city is falling apart and California would be better if it was chopped off of the United States

and pushed into the ocean. People have leprosy in America? Yeah, we're getting biblical in downtown now. Leprosy. What was the other one that they had? Destiny, help me out. Well, measles is starting to come back because of all the fucking anti-vaxxers. Measles.

The one, the disease that caused the Holocaust. What was it called? Typhus. Typhus. Nazism? Oh. Yeah. Typhus is kidding. Kidding. Kidding, everyone uh typhus is back downtown it just

seems like a big distraction for the massive problems that we have at home the fuck is typhus don't you get that from like he's a comedian he was popular in the 90s yeah that's titus yeah that was his name. He had a TV show. Yeah, this caused my lice. Look at me. Good job. So which Call of Duty game had that random tidbit of information in there that you were able to pull that?

I don't know. I don't know. Did you ever have the moment in school where some topic, whatever, I didn't give a fuck, but the teacher might have been talking about something and you knew the answer because it was in some video game and for like one shining second, you felt you felt like look video games are teaching me good stuff about life but it was for like one question in one class for the whole year that it was

actually relevant for age of mythology taught me everything i needed to get through ancient history freshman year i knew all the greek gods all you know the superpowers they had in game not as helpful but like the little backstories you can get on them oh yeah you guys ever played that age of mythology it was like age of empires but or if you played any of the final fantasies they had all of the little gods um like the was it the noise ones or the roman i don't remember but like the shivas and the efforts and so you knew the names you're like oh yeah yeah of course yeah i'm well read on this literally using that as an excuse when i was like 12 years old my mom mom was coming down to be like, your hour of video gaming is up. And I was like, I'm reading about Aphrodite.

And I got to keep playing for a little while. Your mother fell for it. Yeah. Yeah. I found two giant ass tubs of shit from when I was a kid. First of all, all the drawings I made are horrifying. This pilgrim that I drew in kindergarten.

Holy shit. He looks like the knife guy in the Puppet Master. Does anybody watch these horror movies? The little guy with the white hat, or it was a black hat and the white face with the sunglasses, and he has a knife. He looks... Can you hold him up again?

Is anyone else seeing the old guy from Poltergeist 2? Is that just me? I hadn't seen that at the time. I was five, so this is what was living in my brain when I thought Pilgrim. And, man. So was it really sunny in those days? It must have been. It must have been really sunny.

That anachronistic artistic touch was very uh in all the drawings i did the teeth are so sharp the mouth is all boxy but did you guys ever like stumble upon crates of your old shit i found a journal that my mom when i was like 10 she was like start a journal you'll appreciate it when you're older i did it for five days and the first entry was like really bored because my parents keep giving me boring things to do and they don't get why dad made the new rule that i can only play video games for 30 minutes a day but today when i was playing mom came in after five minutes and said, that was enough. So much for 30 minutes. And that's like, I wrote. And the next one was like,

just, uh, oh, my brother was mean to me today, but we went to Grant's farm and I got apples. And it's like, man, this is disjointed.

And like, it's like, I don't know. I was, you're dumber than you think you are as a kid. Like I would look at some of my old math worksheets. Holy shit. Just, I don't know. You're dumber than you think you are as a kid. I would look at some of my old math worksheets. Holy shit.

Just embarrassing. I don't know why my mom saved the Fs. I think you're right about the retard thing, Woody. I can't say it. I found a diary that I had when I was a little kid, and it was mostly about baby hamsters being born that I had. And then I think a couple of years had passed, and there was a passage.

I was reading about some average sixth grade class, and then I started getting into how hot some of the girls were, and I felt like a pedophile, so I closed it. I i closed it wow i i remember those girls that i was talking about and i can't separate the memory from how old they were at the time yeah like i can't i know i remember kind of feeling this way about them but i'm just gonna shut the door on that one and throw this away. I'm going to burn this as quickly as possible. One of the worst things that I can think of when I remember back to how I was together was very stubborn. I don't know if it's the same for you guys, but I learned very well through experience.

I imagine most people learn through experience. If I could go back in time and tell myself at 16, like some very valuable life advice stuff, I know for a fact there is nothing i could say that i would listen to at 16 even if i knew it was me coming from the future i would still think i would know better at 16 or 17 then future me like i would think like something went wrong he sold out he turned into a dumbass fuck my schoolwork i don't care i'll get this shit figured out i guess to some extent i kind of did but fuck man how many people if you could go in real time if you could go back and try it man 20 minutes a day on schoolwork you get fucking all bees at least like oh my god high school would have been so much easier if I would have just

spent a little more time it's so stupid how much shit you waste in school i'm not like blithering idiot but i got the grades of someone who is i really thought i went above and beyond if i went as far as to copy someone else's work if like you said if i just spent a few minutes every day like 20 or 30 minutes and you it would have been oh man i'd have gone to it like it i'm pretty happy with how life turned out i don't know how if that alternative life is even better but yeah uh like my freshman year of college i cut my own hair for a while and it was literally i took a buzzer and it was like i just did it and then look the mirror was like it doesn't look that great, but I'm saving

some money and I don't have to go anywhere. Like I could just go hang out and do that now. And like looking back, it's like, man, I was walking around looking like a fucking skin head for no reason. And all because nobody told me you look like a dumb ass, grow your hair out like an adult. I was so broke. I tried to save money. Go ahead.

I looked into it, but didn't pull the the Why didn't I sell my cum? They're buying cum for like $50 a load That's like $600 a month For me You have to not jerk off If you do that I've been into it Recently just because I wanted to like get

You know how much is it worth Like I know you guys are selling this based on Qualifications how much is mine worth So I know you guys are selling this based on qualifications. How much is mine worth? I looked at it and it was like you can't jerk off at all until you come in and deposit. It was totally impossible to do.

For how many days? This is an important point. That's impossible. This is like after a car accident. You wake up from a coma. The first thing you do is go donate your semen because that's the only time. Five days. Jesus.

Way too much. And you got to do it for like six weeks or something like that. That doesn't work in the Woodworth household going back generations. Five days. I think the worst thing is until you've actually like experienced something because now because nowadays like I realize like I've learned so much through experience that a lot of people were saying like hey you should know this

like one of the big things and it may be people listening here networking is probably like 80 to 90% of whatever the fuck you do it's incredibly important now you're going to think for some period of your life that like you can get away with not networking and.00001% of you are so talented and so good that maybe you get away with it. But for the rest of everyone, even like the extraordinary people, networking is incredibly

important. It was really hard for me to learn this, but there are so many people that say so many stupid things as well as true things that until you've actually gotten the experience, you can't look back or you can't tell like who's even telling you the good advice because i try to look out today like what's some stuff that i could learn from other people that i wouldn't have to learn you know by experience like can i save myself some trouble but then when you try to figure out like you know who's right or who's wrong it seems like it's impossible to you've actually experienced it yourself you know yeah destiny you've got to read the art of the deal that's good at fine well oh god you know i think part of it is like if somebody has a good tip they got they got maybe

three but then people keep coming back to them and act like okay what else you got so they'll just start making shit up it's like well uh the first one was good now nobody can tell if you got any gems in there left or not are you gonna call out call out Elon Musk by name or are you just going to leave it like that? I see people like that, like the Elon Musks and the Jordan Petersons who like whatever their initial thing was. So it's usually really good. Like Jordan Peterson self-help stuff is pretty good.

Like I watch it on stream, people laugh. I was like, this is actually really good stuff. Or like Elon's like, you know, the engineering wiki does is really good. But when these guys like step out of that and they get a little bit too full of themselves, some dumb shit starts coming out oh god it's so painful um yeah we had jordan peterson on this show yeah how long ago was he high when you had three years ago no but he still sounded like kermit a little bit but he was friendly and like he's like

make sure that you don't masturbate and pick up your clothes on the ground all your problems are related to your dad you've got to slay the dragon this is some serious shit you have to slay the dragon to save your father and you you're imagining just like to fight your father from fucking your wife and but you secretly want it and you like it and that confuses you so you write a book for kids. He was really good on the show, actually. I didn't have a ton of background on him. I didn't understand why he was controversial.

I haven't followed him since that show because my understanding and most of what he went through on the show is legal shit and then being basically a quasi-basic bitch father figure advice for people who doesn't seem like they have one so they're like he's like clean your room don't overeat

don't do drugs to the point that you're debilitated people are like what i like is his advice is clean your room and not like no no seriously like work out for an hour three or four times a week like it's difficult it's way it's way more difficult than he's making it sound he's like well you know lobsters all right well just do read his book then just buy his fucking book your whole life will get better his father said that we were his favorite interview that he's ever done and i was like like he like linked to pka we're at the best jordan peterson interview you must not watch many of them no no we did we shaped up and we behaved a little bit we did yeah we put on our you know our dress clothes for him yeah just like we did for dick and destiny

oh thanks i don't even know what that guy's up to anymore. Is he even famous anymore? He's in rehab. Oh, yeah, for anxiety. He's in rehab. He was abusing Xanax or something, wasn't he? Yeah, he says he's addicted to benzos, and that's why I think his daughter outed him somehow on Facebook, so he had to make a big speech about it. But, yeah, he's been in rehab for a while. His wife, they framed it really weird, man.

They said he got addicted to them because his wife had cancer, and then she got better, and he tried to quit and didn't, and it's been like that for months, five months, I guess. Yeah, so he took anti-anxiety meds, Xanax, because his wife got cancer, and then he got addicted. Talk about making somebody's problem all about yourself. I learned mine from my Twitch viewers' comments

on the stream. That's the level of reliability I bring to the show. I heard she got cancer because whatever he was using to clean their room actually was cancerous. That's true. It's all that Windex.

Honey, the room's clean. It's never clean enough. He felt so guilty that he got on Enzo. I was... Yeah. Well, that's... I didn't...

He seems like a pretty good guy. I don't have my finger on the pulse. Yeah, I don't want to be an asshole. It's interesting to me that he has a lot of masculine philosophies and ideas, but he wasn't born into a really masculine body, and I find that disconnect to be interesting. He's always about slaying dragons and being a man and facing this and that and and that's true but he sounds like kermit and he looks like beaker and it's just like it's coming from him yeah well well jordan peterson there goes jordan peterson never being a guest on

this show again damn it's the meanest thing you've ever said, Woody. Poor Mr. I was just asking before the show if Woody had ever been mean to a person. And here you are, laying into one of your old guests. Jeez. Well, from Dick, Destiny, and myself, Mr. Peterson, we wish you the best. And we hope you recover.

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express vpn the exact one in this story if you're thinking about getting a vpn now i may or may not use express vpn but um i actually got um i'll say a competing vpn sponsor but this story could work for express um but i never really thought that i would need a vpn and i went to london for a week and holy shit talk about memes coming to real life so i go to the wonderful city of london i get a little ee sim card i plug it into my phone um i'm in my hotel between stuff and i click you know i'm on reddit and there's a oh cool this is a nice porn link from our all it's late at night why not click the porn link and on the on the cellular internet if you want to watch porn in the united

kingdom you have to give them a credit card just to access the site. The queen. Yeah, I couldn't, I, I looked at it and I didn't know if I should have been hacked. And I hadn't seen a screen like this in years. And yeah,

you need a credit card on their, on their mobile internet. I don't know if it's for all of them. Maybe it was just this carrier, but on the mobile internet, you needed a credit card to verify your age, to look at pornography online. And I logged into that little VPN sponsor. And I ad i was like hey it's actually like working holy shit

i'm gonna promote the fuck out of this this is amazing i yeah it blew my mind oh my god you heard it here first folks destiny got to get off in london yeah get your rocks off express vpn.com slash pka yes i am blown away that you have to go through like I go the credit card or ID to look at yeah in the UK how are they not Jesus I'm not saying I looked up fucked up shit but if I do I don't want that shit linked to my fucking name what the fuck there's gonna be a database out there somewhere that's gonna get

leaked at some point absolute fucking if China was able to get all the what is it the FS 86s or the SF 86s are the security forms you have to fill out for clearances. China got every single one of those from the United States. There is no fucking way that Boris Johnson and everybody is keeping the porn list safe in the United Kingdom. I don't fucking believe it.

Not for a second, okay? I want to know what he's watching. I'm concerned. Yeah. That guy has the funniest head of hair on the internet. I'm studying the blade samurai suit as soon as his wife leaves or he gets home from parliament he's dressing up in a naked samurai suit and going to town that makes me believe that license meme so much more

like the london like oi bruv you got your license mate you got your porn watching license like like i did not know it was that extreme. That fucking sucks. Sorry, boys. I thought they pushed it back. I knew about it, but I thought they kept pushing it back because they were afraid that people were going to drag them out of their homes. What's wrong with England?

Why aren't wankers a more powerful voting force? They should be. Because only old people vote right now. That's true of the entire world. And they haven't figured out how porn works yet. This is my favorite thing. The elaborate ruse of men

to convince women that fighting to show their tits in public to beat the patriarchy or something is something that guys are out there like, shut it down. No, we don't want that get rid of it no put your clothes back on like i actually have i come across it for the exact opposite i can't believe there are so many men on the internet that are mad that women want to fucking show their nipples everywhere what the fuck where are these people why i don't understand one of those guys really oh maybe it's just different

parts of the internet but holy shit i'm with you you know so look the article that we're talking about we haven't even mentioned six states have now made it effectively legal to go around topless there's a free to nipple free the nipple movement where these women get the same rights as men and that they can go topless so it's it is this season halloween is rolling around and girls are going to dress slutty for Halloween. Thank you. Thank you, right? This is a service that you're performing.

You are peak hotness right now doing your little college Halloween party. Go slutty, and then keep that up. I want you to keep dressing slutty until you stop being hot, and that should be our culture in general. For every woman but your daughter. Keep that up. I want you to keep dressing slutty until you stop being hot. And that should be our culture in general. For every woman but your daughter.

And then unfortunately, this is the fatal flaw in Woody's argument. I'm pretty sure what we'll quickly realize is the people that go topless are going to be exactly the ones that you never wanted to see topless. I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to play out. Have been to a nude beach and your daughter make it illegal make it illegal again um i have not been to a nude beach now you know i've uh i've seen the porn dominican republic when i was like a little kid on a vacation and my parents took us to one like did not seem appropriate you know it was there weren't guys with like their dicks hanging out that i don't really remember or maybe there were i don't know i was really fixated on the tits more but as like a nine-year-old like seeing that quality of tit as your

first tit experience really sours you on the whole experience because it's like there's no good looking women there there was one actually that was laying like eight feet to my left i can imagine one of my christmas memories and i remember looking over and be like wow that gives you a bad great but then the other ones doesn't it yeah i'm gonna say if anything it gives you a way better association because now you have a realistic understanding of of never being disappointed by every single woman that takes her shirt off because you're never going to see the 36d perfectly symmetrical no sag not faked it those darn aren't even real so maybe in some ways

maybe it's better so you have like a more grounded understanding of what you can expect to see i like that i went to a nude beach but i was a grown-up and it was i went to a nude beach, but I was a grown-up. I went to a couple of them in Europe. They're just topless beaches, actually. I'm overselling it. And it's like, I don't know. What's the appropriate level of looking? It's not going to be zero. We've got to negotiate from higher than that.

It's just like, I don't know. I struggled with it. I was like, literally. You can't go to a nude beach like that. Actually, I was in Sweden a while ago, and in a couple of the beaches there are little fucking kids running around naked and you you obviously you can't fucking stare at them but you also don't want to be really weird about it you know you don't want to be the guy that starts off the sentence with like i'm not a pedophile but right and that's like the equivalent of that where you see the kid

and you're walking around like this and everybody's like well what's wrong with that guy you know and it's like i'm just trying to be safe, you know, safe from what? Um, yeah, I don't know. Safe from temptation. They have destiny.

On this New York post article, if you scroll down on this, like free the tit movement, there's literally a related video from the New York post that says, watch how these women, women react to seeing each other topless. That's just poor.

I've seen that reaction many times, Taylor. This is the news media that's supposed to disappear when Trump is no longer president. Right, Woody? Is that the... This is what we were talking about. Watch as President Kamala Harris

bravely shows her tits on cnn free the nipple watch as president joe biden bravely gropes kamala's tits on cnn destiny who's going to be the next president it's honest to god i think it is right now in my head. It is a 50-50 toss-up between Trump and Warren, I think. Okay. Dick? Warren. Trump. Trump. He's just, he's too funny. The Democrats don't have anyone funny enough to take him down.

No, the economy's killing it. Has anybody ever lost their second term when the economy's doing great that that's what it's going to come down to because everybody keeps saying we're coming up on a recession they've said it for i think like two or three years now um we're getting real worried about it if if it hits soon enough and the economy goes to the shitter people still lose their jobs probably more likely it's going to be democrat if the economy's killing it it's going to be real hard to get a democrat in office over trump yeah i wonder if trump's been really adept at manipulating the fed into keeping rates insanely low to stave that off

uh he's been slow playing it for three years trying to keep it down so the stock market keeps climbing up i think he's been doing only that on purpose all his other moves are just stumbling blindly but that one's calculated that's the one thing he understands like i know he knows what the fed rates do to the stock market this is the one okay this is the one political thing for that this is my one topic that i'll push back on so the reason why the fed is keeping rates low is we're in this unprecedented economic era where rates have been low for so long but inflation is still low low as well. If inflation is still low, there's no fucking reason to raise the rates. That's the only reason why the Fed still has the rates low. Now, unemployment is low too, but if there's no inflation, you might as well keep fucking lending money at low rates.

That's the only reason. Trump doesn't have any influence on the Federal Reserve. And listening to Trump talk about budget deficits and trade imbalances, I don't think he even knows what the fuck the Fed is or what it does or what the rates are. I really don't think he does because every time he talks about it. I think I listened to a video a few years ago of Trump talking about paying off the trade deficit with our GDP or something. It was unbelievably stupid. I couldn't. I don't even know

how the fuck these two numbers are supposed to relate to one another. But yeah, I think that's it. The Fed is just, we have no inflation, so they keep pumping money. Yeah, they're known to screw up. I mean, they do. They've tested the waters a couple of times for by lifting them up slowly, only to see the market immediately react. I mean, whatever. I don't I don't care if he's responsible for it or not. But I don't I don't think you can I don't think you can dethrone him with a worse

version of Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton is funnier than Elizabeth Warren, and she couldn't do it. Nah. Hillary Clinton's funnier than a person? She's the least funny person. She's ranked last. She's got

so many people working for her though yeah warren's not funny i don't know that that's how they win an election but maybe you do i don't know when i watched some of the early debates there were a couple democrats where i was like that guy and this is bad but like that guy looks like a president somebody like cory booker he talks that he looks like a president, you know, even if he isn't like polling that high. But then there are some people where you listen to him talk. So like not to hate on everyone's favorite candidate in the audience, depending on who you are. Like Andrew Yang.

Yang, absolutely not. Absolutely not. He's timid. He is like someone talks over him. He's quiet, puts his head down immediately. He always looks like he's a kid in trouble with something I absolutely could never see somebody like voting on somebody like that. I think that like stage presence Maybe maybe I wouldn't agree that it's not like comedy exactly But I do think that some level of stage presence is really important

There are some people that are on stage talking Klobuchar is one of them Amy Klobuchar who, who are talking, I could never, ever see you as president, you know? Somebody like Hillary or Warren, sure. Somebody like Bernie, even if you don't like him, he's loud, he carries himself well. Buttigieg does it okay, I think. Trump obviously has that stage presence for sure, yeah. I wonder if, I see in the future, maybe not this term, stage presence like you're talking about, falling back a bit in importance and long form taking over you know how well you can do long form yeah like the jre podcast right like that's that introduced bd yang now more people are going to see these debates than jre's podcast in 2020

but roll out to 2024 2028 and people will be able to put themselves out there in long form. And you'll see how they're, how they do. You'll get to know the candidates better than the bullshit debate. Two minute debate. Two minutes or even the 30 second rebuttals and stuff like that. That's not going to be. How would you fix the Middle East?

90 seconds and then a 20 second rebuttal. Yeah. Like, right, right. And people are just going to take that format and ditch it and listen to what they say on pka instead i think you're underestimating how much pleasure people derive from immediately reacting to things and then having a new thing to immediately react to like with trump you you love him hilarious awesome and he gives you

something new and hilarious every day and that's you hate him, he'll give you something to piss off. Dude, all caps tweeting. So funny. From the president. Yeah, from the president. All caps tweeting. It's like peak boomer to be doing

multiple exclamation points. It's funny because multiple exclamation points is bad, huh yeah stupid rumors you guys said i know dick you want trump uh did you say who you wanted destiny are you still up in the air i i like warren i mean obviously over trump i would lean towards warren yeah she's kind of like between bernie and abiding right yeah she's still pretty far to the left but i mean i think our whole political system's still pretty far to the left but i mean i think our

whole political system has gone pretty far to the right at this point so i'm okay with someone a little more left i wonder if bernie like bernie bros his big contingent of supporters are gonna be livid if he gets passed over again he bernie has no chance i don't know if people realize this um it's it's really sad because people are looking at the polling data to try to show that he's still 20%, 20 points. But the reality is that Bernie had an entire election cycle to campaign, and then he came into

this election cycle at 26, 27 points, and he's only dropped since then. He's totally stagnated. He's never had a surge. Warren has been climbing. I think she came in at like two or three, and then she got up to five or six after the debate. She's like eight or nine. She's climbed and climbed and climbed, and now she's

in almost second place. I think the aggregates I think actually might have her at second place at this point, and she should just keep climbing. But yeah, Bernie's just kind of been sitting there just losing steadily for the entire time. Well, she's going to take over first place if Biden's eyes and teeth keep falling out on TV.

Yeah. Every time he opens his mouth, there's another gaffe. It's either Popcorn Joe or some random fucking. Yeah. Jeez. Did you see the gaffe? He's like, I really love America. I wonder what that was.

His teeth weren't falling out because he doesn't have dentures. He has replacements or crowns or something. Well, he doesn't have dentures yet. No, no. He's had a tremendous amount of dental work and he kind of gets made fun of for it i was reading uh there's there's websites devoted to joe biden's teeth and they're they say that they don't look very natural so it's not dentures that's not what it is so his teeth weren't falling out but something was happening he lost control of his tongue that was he trying to retrieve gum before

he spit it out? I don't know. But a thing happened. That's even... Losing control of your tongue is worse than your dentures falling out. I'm not defending him. I'm just saying it's not dentures. Huh. No. No, it's funnier to believe it was dentures. Losing control

of your tongue. Isn't that some shit you do when you're sleeping that makes you choke and die? That sounds like a serious thing. No? Don't you choke on your tongue sometimes if you get knocked out or something? It would be funny if Yang went over and put a wallet in his mouth. Yang is going real hard on that.

When Yang said, oh god, I would become a full-on Yang, so I'd max out my FEC contribution, I hate him. But when he said oh god i i would become a full-on yang so i'd max out my fbc contribution uh i hate him but when he when he said he was going to do an unprecedented thing on stage i was waiting for the okay everybody no one in the history of candidates has ever done this everybody look under your chairs you get a grand you get a grand you get a grand. You get a grand. You get a grand. I had to give it a mad front. So much cheering in that audience. It would have been funny if he opened the debate with that. That was the first thing he said.

Because now, if you're ever the candidate, man, how fucked are you? Oh, shit. You're like setting the meta for the next debate. Like, what are they going to give away at the next one, right? You're not going to show up empty-handed, you know? And then now, all the other candidates check under your podiums and they've got a thousand dollars too and it makes them look dumb biden's talking about he can get more polydent

birdie counters it everyone has a health insurance card under their chairs next debate jesus i love that destiny if you're right, that means Trump is going to beat the first woman president twice. That'll be it. Oh, that would be the narrative. I mean, you could die happy. He's like, yeah, that's what I did. That's my legacy. I stopped the first

woman president twice. What a flawless American narrative, too. And it's got to be real shit, because you know every minority group has their own struggles or whatever, you know? And you've got women, and you've got black people, and, you know. Gamers. I just, I can't imagine being a woman, and you're like, you know, we got the first black president of the United States.

And then we had two female presidents stopped by Mr. Grab-Em-By-The-Pussy. Hmm. Stopped by Biff Hammond. Really makes me wonder. Dude, Warren's got a better chance than Hillary did because even most women were like, ugh, she sucks.

Nobody like, I've never met someone who was like, rah, rah, shish, boom, bah, about Hillary. Like, it's always, it was more, even at the time, it was more like, you know. Oh, God. I feel that way about Biden.

Or I wanted this. Yeah, Biden, he was just kind of Mr. Whatever. Who's enthusiastic about Biden? Who is like, dude, if Biden gets in, my whole world will be straightened out. Well, no, it's everybody that's not on the internet, unfortunately. We don't see them, but Biden has a lot of support among moderate Democrats. All the people that like Obama love Biden. And I mean, there's still like a sizable portion of the Democrat base.

I see it differently. You'll never see him online. But I see, hey, we want a guy who can beat Trump. Biden's winning. Therefore, we're voting for the winner. And the only reason Biden is winning is because he's winning. And if that gets taken away from him it collapses a lot of people like we spend so much time on the internet when you step outside of like the very small like internet political circles talking

people into life like a lot of people don't realize that in america 98 of its people still think that socialism means like taking people to fucking death camps and killing them like that's the only thing they think of you know and people and people like Bernie Sanders and when even Elizabeth Warren, that's some real scary shit. When you start talking about taking away all private health insurance for a socialist Medicare program and, and I'm like, that's really radical.

You know, you spend a lot of time on Twitter. You might think, Oh, like there are kids on Twitter that think we're fucking, you know, two weeks away from the socialist revolution. Okay.

They got their hammer and sickle book. They got, they've been saving up mom and dad's allowance for the past you know six months and they're ready to go buy their first 2020 whatever handgun they're they're ready to go um but they're not it's not like most people fucking hate that shit in america even democrats most people fucking hate that shit most democrats are moderate or conservative and a lot of people online totally miss it you can see the democrats like even counter signaling people like bernie and to a lesser extent warren where like a moderate democrat will i mean you can see it on fucking cnn msnbc all the mainstream more left-leaning media they don't like bernie at all they try to ignore him like

they try to push him to the side they want biden they want basic bitch biden or just as basic bitch kamala and kamala has zero chance because she's like all the people she's trying to get to vote for they're like, do you know that she sent kids to jail for missing class? And she's like, oh uh

they're like, yeah, yeah you did. And there's no coming back from that. She's fucked. Is she even in it anymore? Kamala? She's still there but she got a lot of momentum after the first debate and she lost all of it and she's pretty coming back from that. She's fucked. Is she even in it anymore? Kamala? She's still there, but she got a lot of momentum after the first debate and she lost all of it and she's pretty much back to the non-contempting side. She seems more like a mind your business

stay out of the Middle East person, but I haven't seen anything about her. She has zero chance. All I know about Tulsi is that she was definitely in the military because every fucking time she answers a question it feels like like 9-11 shit or whatever like by the way does that too

and top three of the Democratic candidates that you would want to fuck she comes in first definitely speak for yourself it was so painful after the after the debates when everybody in the mainstream media you'd see a lot of people like wow for some reason the Google google searches for tulsi are off the charts and we don't know

why she must be a lot of people must be looking up her policy position and i'm like positions all right that's where you go to pay good look for dudes yeah like i do like how some of them like i think it was uh alexandra cortez who started like the i'm going on periscope live while i make craft mac and cheese and then like the establishment old ass dems were like this is how you reach the kids and you have like elizabeth warren with her husband bring me a beer. We like to do this sometimes. I'm Canadian in this example for some reason, but

we like beers. It's embarrassing. It was so bad because it was so real. Yeah, that is how you probably ask. AOC was like, hey, be genuine. If you're not, then you're going to get flamed. Everyone's going to see it.

So if you go online and do a live stream and you're not acting like yourself, then everyone sees right through that. Did you see Beto O'Rourke cooking burgers? It was so, so cringe. During the Senate run, Beto was killing it on the live streams and the social media and he always had these quotable moments maybe so but uh then ted cruz went out there and tried to to do what beto can do which is like appeal through social media he's fucking everything up he can't get out of profile mode and suddenly he's on sideways on his live stream

and it was clear that he just just wasn't who he is. Yeah. But he won. It's also uncomfortable. At least, like, got to give respect to AOC for that, is that she actually did it in her kitchen, just kind of leaning her phone up and, like, you know. You're giving credit to a woman being on Instagram cooking food?

Taylor, that's a new low. Happy fall, y'all. They come out of their room doing that.all she found the pumpkin she got another one yeah that's in my fucking house right now oh i'm a bitch happy fall y'all yeah it was a it was my rant on dick show a year or so ago when i went on there that my what made me a rage is how every time fall came around having to do dumbass girlfriend activities like going to pumpkin patches and she bought a little pumpkin that had sparkles on the outside that said happy fall y'all and it's just this is my home i live here and then i have to have company over and they'll be like, God, I thought Taylor was like a kindhearted, albeit retarded guy.

But no, he's just a bitch with a happy fall. Y'all think she bought another pumpkin. But we were at another place that is solely made for women is the holiday aisle at drugstores. Holy shit. You can waste so much. You know what I'm talking about? Like Christmas comes around and they have the specialty items like a little snowman or right now they've got a bunch of halloween and spooky stuff it's all 10 times as expensive as it would be at walmart and she spent no less than 20 minutes

making me wait looking around deciding between pumpkins or if she wanted the candy corn stuffed animal because this is before we got our dogs and she said she wanted it to not feel lonely i have a i have a i have a rage women's spending is at least as high as guys cut off that second word i'm on board but afterwards they don't have anything and that's my frustration so you have these arguments about where the money went and on one side she's pointing to like an off-road car i bought for thousand dollars six years ago and she can point to it and it's right there and it's the thing that i bought meanwhile she's spending a thousand dollars a month at target i don't know what the fuck we don't even have new things they're just it's just gone it's happy fall y'all pumpkins and snow globes and i don't know what it is that we got.

It's all in a box in the garage somewhere. You gotta go digging for it, excavating. They just come home with grease. They just get home and throw it away. You can never pin them on anything because it all looks exactly the same. We got a hat with a goddamn feather in it. All I know is there's Target receipts

for hundreds of dollars all the time. Do you know how many cap. Woody's wife owns? I'm not joking. Multiple capes. Capes? Capes. Yeah. Why?

She came and modeled a cape the show once. She just spun. That was very funny. Yeah. Like a superhero cape? What? Like a superhero cape? Well, outside the bedroom, they're just like cloaks almost, you know?

Okay. It's a classy, good-looking fall cloak of some sort. Like Frank Costanza's lawyer. I don't know. Or like Mary and Pippin in the first Lord of the Rings. And they're big cloaks. Wait, what was that first part, outside the bedroom? Did they have an inside the bedroom purpose?

Inside the bedroom, we do pretend she's a superhero. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a suck-my-dick woman. Was she always into cloaks, or did she start that with you at some point, like, fuck it, today I'm going cape, and I'm never going back? The capes are not new they've been i mean it's gotta be 10 15 years now she's been wearing capes

it's just so funny to me picturing a woman in a store standing in front of a mirror and getting a cape and going oh we've solved the formula buy a bunch of capes throw a cape on it and I'm good that's an example of casual sexism if I can't wear capes people will think that I won't be able to do it it's harder than that because the casual sexism would go one step farther if she were to show up at the register and get embarrassed then she would just say well I'm behind you for my boyfriend

he really likes his dumb shit and they would probably all agree with her she'd walk away totally judgment free probably and they'd be like man oh why she's staying a loser boyfriend yeah what a loser somehow you would want she would go in to buy a fucking cape no offense buddy she'd want to buy a fucking cape and the boyfriend would come out looking like the loser even though he wasn't at the fucking store yeah guaranteed oh women oh am i right women and their capes name a more iconic to throw a cape on this winter dude it's pretty cool i like it yeah she just

throws a cope on a cape over her shoulders and if she walks fast how fast does she have to get going when she's walking through target is there a flutter well you've seen the speed walking episode of malcolm in the middle something like that i bet it does feel nice to run with i'd probably be encouraged to run if i wore a kit now whom i'm lying to myself i'm not running let's do it let's try let's try caping it up this winter and see what happens and meet back and talk about our experiences okay i like this idea a lot i want to really do it not just talk about it so when kyle comes out he's like what the fuck happened styles have changed a lot since july literally just today it was like you're showing your shoulders off kyle haram very to law since July. Literally, Chiz today

was like, hey, uh... Chiz today literally was like in the show pre-chat, in our chat, was like, hey, Taylor, make sure you play at least a couple of these videos of people fighting, like on LiveLeak, because ever since Kyle went to prison, the videos of

urban people being hit by cars and uh and fights at school has really dropped off and people want more of that i saw the opposite oh well that's what chis relayed to me and he didn't know until then that kyle really responsible for like a hundred percent of our people getting hit by car we went through a two-month phase where kyle could not stop% of our people getting hit by cars. We went through a two-month phase where Kyle could not stop finding videos of people getting hit by cars. And he just, oh, he loved it, loved it, loved it. But, yeah. I was thinking today, like, huh, I wonder.

I was thinking about the show. And I'm like, huh, I wonder what Destiny will say when they start pulling up videos of black people beating the shit out of each other at water parks. Or something. That's Walmart, P.K.A. Like, I wonder. I honestly wonder what he or something. That's like, I'm wondering, I wonder, I honestly wonder what he would say about that. Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, how funny the video is. My knee jerk response is wait, black people at water parks. No, because I think you're referring to, there was a video that went viral of people like getting in a huge brawl at an amusement park.

I think we watched that on the show. I had, when I grew up, so believe it or not, maybe this is every liberal's line, right? Most of my friends were black growing up just because my grandma lived in this like apartment complex for townhomes. And it was just for whatever reason, it was just a lot of black kids that lived there. And I remember that in our little neighborhood, we had like a pool in the back, and everybody could swim. So there's the stereotype, right, of black people can't swim. I didn't know that at all growing up. And I remember, oh my god, it was one of the most awkward moments of my life. When I grew up, and I was going to private high school. So if you know anything

about private schools in the Midwest, you have about one or two black kids per school, okay? You're allotted this from the state and that's all that there is to go around okay um and we had um at least nebraska and um i remember we were suggesting places to to go at some point um for there was like when you were seniors like you always take like a senior trip or whatever yeah stuff very school and somebody suggested uh you know somebody suggested a water park and um our our resident black guy trey um you know was like well you know i don't know i don't think i would enjoy the water park so much and i remember looking at him and real loud and i think i was like what do you mean dude can you not swim and i just said it and everybody looked

at me and i have no idea i was like what and i thought for the longest time they were all fucking like dude like black people can't swim i was like what the fuck do you talk about i sell this shit all the time and yeah yeah just yelling at a black guy why can you not swim oh yikes that's more racist than anything i've done in my life what do you mean you're not doing something special on Father's Day? Oh, jeez. What do you mean you were lost yesterday? You can walk and find a cop on any corner just asking for directions. What's wrong?

They're your friends. Cops are always looking out for you. Did you go to the water park, Destiny? We ended up not doing that unfortunately but yeah what'd you end up doing i don't even remember it was some um whatever knockoff version of six flags you have everybody has like their own little fucking fair shit or whatever or do they do you guys get like um is that just a midwest thing where you have like fairs carnivals that come in

town and they set up like big rides and everything and then they pack up and go away. We do it once a year at the NC State Fair. Okay. I never even thought about fairs and festivals being a more Midwest thing. We don't have mountains and we don't have beaches and you can only shoot guns for so long before you're like,

I don't want to go to a bar. I want to do something outside. I guess I'll do this. I'm overdue for a nice roller coaster trip. I want to go to a bar. Like I want to do something outside. I guess we'll do this. Yeah. I'm overdue for a nice roller coaster trip. I want to go to Cedar Point again. You guys ever been to Cedar Point in Ohio? Biggest roller coaster park on the planet. They got one that goes one to zero to like 130, 140 miles an hour in like two seconds. It's like there's warnings in the line the whole way up there.

Like, hey, you got any of these issues? Don't ride the top thrill dragster once again if you didn't see the last sign we are not liable if you pass away on the top thrill dragster you know and like if you're this age if you're this bill if you're if you have a disability and and that just amped me up more because you're in you know you're in a selective group of people that's been curated through the line that's that's able to do it you've trimmed away the 0.01 of those who are not able to go and now only 99 can qualify for the yeah that's the only time at amusement parks where i'm like i'm so as a little kid i was so jealous of handicapped kids or kids with broken legs and shit that were able to skip in front of you. That I remember at six flags,

St. Louis, standing there in line, seeing a kid with, he was in an electric wheelchair. So it wasn't like, you don't blow money on that for a broken leg. Like he's still, you know,

paralyzed to this day and being like, Oh, what a life. Like, just like yearning for that being like, you get to be sitting, you get to like move your robot chair around. You get to go on the boss first before like move your robot chair around you get to go

on the boss first before me and you can make it through again because and they can loop around this kid fucking looped around and took it in his in his chair four times before i could go on it once because nobody who gets paid minimum wage at six flags is willing to say no little paralyzed boy you can't go again and that's my platform i'm running on is that everyone gets their own chair like those uh did you see that thing uh recently where like you strap it to your legs and it's a chair wherever you go oh wherever you go you can sit down and the only downside is you look like an absolute idiot just total fucking retard walking around with these two steel dangly legs. Wait, I'm sorry. Hold on.

What is this? This actually sounds very cool. Fuck you. I want a chair wherever I go. Wait until you see it. I want it. I've wanted it my whole life. I've always been trying to think like, you know, could I make this out of a cane? Is it possible to make a cane with a seat on it and sit around? Because I really fucking hate standing. Yeah, that's actually a sick

idea. That's what that gay guy from South Park would do, right? Just sit on the top of a cane and get ass-fucked. Yeah. Is there a way to use the automobile without using the dildos? Well, I suppose you could. There's a chair you can wear. But look at how debilitating it looks

to walk around in that. Yeah, it looks pretty bad uh but the way they're making it look like it's people who are just like on the go like out of the office and they got this shit strapped to the back of their thighs like no just show guys like me who are tailgating and drunk like just show show me on there and i'll buy it not any of these people are definitely not me oh hold on this is like oh no this is the type of shit that you show up to work in or whatever and everybody is asking you what it does and they have the cool ideas in their head like is this some iron man shit could you fly does it hover

and then you show them and everybody thinks you're a massive fucking loser never mind this looks way too elaborate this is way farther elaborate than I originally said it was. Do you hate chairs like to sit and have $30,000 burning in your pocket? Dude, if Trump got these so that he's like, I get exhausted up here. It takes fucking forever to do these debates. I just want to sit down.

That would be seeing his fat ass break that on stage. Oh, please. He'd sell them on his website and raise money. All the MAGA guys would wear that shit with his hat. Imagine how congested Walmart's lanes would be.

I don't know what kind of beans I want. Take a seat. Wearable. Oh, this one looks better. Yeah, there it is. That's the one that just came out, Destiny, the Lex chair. Look, I'm down to do a whole new me this winter. I'm down to wear a chair all the time and cape it up wherever I go

and see what happens in my life. I think I'll be a lot happier. Well, actually, these two things are pretty complimentary because if you wear the cape, nobody's going to be able to see the crazy fucking chair, so it kind of works. They're going to wonder how you're sitting. They'll have no idea. Destiny, fuck all this politics. You and me are getting caped up. They're going to wonder how you're sitting. They'll have no idea.

Fuck all this politics. You and me are getting caped up. We're doing wearable chairs. That's what... The paradigm shift is here. You guys should tell Kyle that we're doing the whole make a video and everything and then we'll come on or whatever.

You guys can come on in two months and do the episode and make him go first and see halfway through if he understands that he's the only one that actually made the fucking video. That sounds like something Chiz would do actually. Chiz was probably already concocting a scheme like that, son of a bitch. Fucking sidewinder, Chiz, you sidewinding bitch. I have a thing that's going on for me right now. Oh, our subreddit was going to have a field day with the Chizmates. Chiz would do that to somebody who just got out of prison, doing hard time. He's right there to sucker punch you when you get out.

Hard time. Dude, him going to jail for two months, frankly, hilarious. And he went into it so, I know you know because you've been on since then but destiny might not he went into it like stoked being like when this happened it could have been 30 years i could have been in jail for 30 years and so i'm i'm fine i'm walking on sunshine right into jail you know it's like yeah what'd he say when he walked in the kitty told us uh when he walked in the guy is like oh how long are you here thinking he was visiting are you just visiting oh are you just visiting he's like yeah 60 days he's visiting for 60 and when you set that bar

real high it's crazy um what you can become comfortable with i don't know if you've ever have you ever had the error um back when I used to do my taxes, when you would type in the information, you're like, I owe this much? Holy shit. And then you go back and fact check it and then you fix the error and you still owe a lot,

but it's so much less that somehow it feels okay now. Like it almost feels like a sale. Like, well, it's not that I owe X thousand, it's that I'm actually saving, you know, whatever thousand that I thought I owed before. So it's somehow I'm okay with it now.

Yeah, it sets the anchor point high. That's the secret to investing in Bitcoin. At least I didn't lose all that much. I have a thing that I'm excited about. I sometimes make these paramotor videos. In this little world, people know me,

there's a guy whose job is to fly helicopters. He's going to land in my front yard tomorrow and take me to lunch by helicopter. Nice. How cool is that? Wow. Yeah.

That's really cool. Where are you going to lunch? I didn't ask. I don't know which restaurants have helicopter parking. Maybe Cracker Barrel? I'm not sure. I'm actually curious. You can find out when you go.

When you're near the helicopter, because those blades are going fast and they're whipping up everything, is your cape going to get sucked into the road? Do they give you weights to put on the bottom? Do they give you weights like a shower curtain? Those are my

tactical cape weights. don't touch them i've got these dumb ass thoughts in my head like you know i don't know what his helicopter looks like so i hope i get in the right one wait how many helicopters are landing in whatever area you're going to? Right? Definitely just get in the first one that lands. It'll work out fine. What if he lands and it's like

a Ford Pinto version of a helicopter? Are you going to be upset? I think the helicopter has something to do with agriculture, maybe. Let me see. A crop dusting helicopter? Is he going to have that scaffolding back in? He sprays power lines with it.

So it can't be too small, I guess. And I don't know why you spray power lines. Like, you make them clean? Or coat them with gel? I don't know. It refills their electricity. Oh, now I know. They're using it to enslave the american people so that's exactly what that's exactly what it is yeah yeah i don't know why you spray power lines but that's the kind of helicopter it is

okay so my thoughts ran a little bit so my first question is going to be is this rated to fly well my first question do you need a different license to to fly in a city versus flying over crops? I imagine you must. And then my second, right, if you have a you can fly a helicopter like on a farm, there's no way you could just fly it around through a city, right? There must be some ordinance or something. I think you're off target on that. No, that's not how it works in planes.

Yeah, in planes you can fly anywhere. I don't know. I imagine the helicopter license is similar, but yeah. So if you have a helicopter you can just fly around buildings and shit you're cool to fucking go wherever no there's like a imagine like a wedding cake upside down over cities there is areas that the faa will not let you fly in at a certain size unless you requested it in advance and if you do they will send somebody to find you wherever you land uh you you can you can it in advance and if you do they will send somebody to find you wherever you land

you can ask in advance but like in LA they're not going to let you fly around downtown Los Angeles for any reason they'll just tell you it's not a great license so it's usually a size of craft and what you're doing with it but if you like as a joke

maybe you and your friends got helipads in your little suburban houses, you could just fly a helicopter from one friend's house to the next? No problem. Oh, holy shit, that's crazy. Well, my second, my follow-up question was going to be, if you're flying helicopters around in areas you're not supposed to, who do they send after you?

Everybody. The police helicopter, right? Is it the police helicopter that comes after you? Because it wouldn't be like, they wouldn't fly planes after you, would they? Would it just be, do they just follow you until you run out of gas? Or did they try to shoot you down? They'll meet you wherever you land. They'll shoot you down over at an urban area. Yeah.

They'll send, they'll track you the whole way through, and they'll meet you wherever you land if you decide to start fucking around. I had police waiting for me once. Oh, yeah, go ahead. In my paramotor. Yeah, they, someone had called in and said terrorists were dropping packages.

And so when we got to land, the policeman was at the airport like waiting for us. And I was like, well, I promise you, like we didn't drop anything. Like it's not a- What an asshole that person is.

And he's like, no, no, no no you were the packages like clearly you're not but that's what they thought they thought that us flying around with our little paragliders was paris dropping packages man let's hope that isis never gets that advanced you fly paramotors into big buildings and just end up dying you You know, after all the school shooter plannings that went on in this episode, they might not be too far off the mark. You could be some kind of sleeper fucking ISIS agent or some shit, inspiring

the next generation of terrorists. I'm going to take that as a compliment that you like my clients. That's exactly what this show is all about. It's an undercover ISIS op. I know lots of things about Islam. Muhammad's the main guy. They do not care for pork. And there's an aisle in every grocery store

where Jewish and Islamic people buy. Muslim people. See, I know what they're calling it. That's how much I know. Yeah. I don't ever want to learn to fly. It seems hard and scary. Hmm.

I know you can, Dick. Yeah, it's fun. It keeps you occupied. It will freak you out. Worst financial decision you'll ever make. Yes. Behind a boat, probably. Stop doing it. You think planes are behind boats, oh sweet summer child?

I'm not even... I'm far and away the poorest person on this show. No, I think planes are a worse financial decision than boats. But I guess the sky's the limit with either one of them. Wait, I'm super curious about that. So let's say that I wanted like a...

whatever the fuck a small helicopter would be. I don't know what the name would be. Yeah, a mosquito to fly around and have fun in. What is your upfront investment for this type of thing assuming you have all i said everything like what's your year-to-year maintenance on something like this are we like in the tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars what are we at um shucks you know one of my one of the guys i worked with had a helicopter

and uh i want to say he bought his helicopter used and it was a little less expensive like 60 or 75 grand and then after a year or two it was grounded because it needed a 30 000 annual like maintenance or something yeah fuck that again nevermind yeah i already lost interest right like it's you have to have real disposable cash to pretty much buy a new car every year two or three roofs i think 30 000 okay on that one all right um planes for sale near me you don't want to travel 414a chancellor is twenty five thousand dollars and this is not that cool i guess that's pretty cool yeah the hell can we talk about next to get him to google

something that'll get the fbi to show up knowing that he just googled planes for sale near me yeah planes largest building in downtown chicago do you know what that is can you look it up for us i'm just curious oh sears tower most vulnerable floor yeah we just uh we know you're gonna buy a cessna man this is actually not as much as i thought it would be well five thousand dollars for a plane i'm pretty sure if you buy a twenty five thousand dollar plane your next step is to put twenty thousand in maintenance into it dick does that sound right ish i knew a guy who i mean it depends on the plane i knew a guy who built one while i was doing it and it cost him like four thousand dollars

it was uh it was a it looked like a death trap like it looked like it was a plane did it have was the inside separate from the outside uh it looked like a submarine that you'd use to smuggle drugs like it was like a giant cigar that was that that was it room for one guy um he was kind of a he had his his stunt pilot's license though or whatever they called that so he was a bit of a daredevil you know what the kit was called no no i do not i can't imagine a $4,000 plane. I get aggravated putting together chairs from Ikea. I can't imagine being smart enough to put together a whole plane. Or just being dedicated enough, I guess. It's just following the instructions.

And also knowing how to fly. If I was semi-suicidal and didn't have a kid, the one investment that looks like the most dollars per fun you could get for some crazy awesome shit there's definitely a fucking motorcycle i knew you're gonna say that and i think yeah i think you're right when i looked at some of those real fast bikes i'm like man what is it like 50 000 60 000 like five or ten thousand dollars gets you a really fucking nice bike it's really fucking fat way faster than any fucking shit you get in a car oh my god yeah um have you ever driven a motorcycle like done no

i could drive like a manual car i could drive a bike so i'm sure if i connect the two i could probably figure it out but um yeah i just i'm so scared of getting i know so many people that like have been in motorcycle accidents and god damn you're like inches from death every time you're on the road and we have someone in our patron chat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, who lost use of his arm forever because of that. And he still has the arm? He still has the arm. Really?

That would have been worse. Yeah, he still has it. Going around with his tentacle on your bum. Well, it's in a sling. He's not just letting it fly. But, yeah, some old bitty pulled up into an intersection as he was screaming down the road you know or i guess going the speed limit i don't fucking know better story if it's screaming down the road and she was the one running the red light like he was he had a full green and

he collided went into their car like through the window like in the passenger side and just got his arm fucked up. That sucks. I agree with you, Dick. If I lose function in my arm, I want him to just nip that in the bud. Just get it off. It'll make me feel better because I won't be as fat as I am right now. There you go.

You'll be late. Yeah, 170. I'm back to my college weight. Awesome. just looking at a terrible gun you can lay with your wife or girlfriend without your arm falling asleep anymore that'd be nice i am used to go off-roading all the time with a guy who got in a motorcycle accident and i can't fully visualize the nature of it but someone was making a left-hand turn in front of him. He smashed into the front tire from the side.

And here's where I get a little lost. He says he flew through the air in the sitting position and then just sort of glided across the air and landed and hit the asphalt while seated. So he was mostly paralyzed. When I saw him was years later. And he he could walk but it was a shitty walk like uh he had two canes but not like cool canes like the kind that go around your wrist and when he walked it was almost like uh timmy from south park where like you put a lot of energy on those canes like you could tell they were doing half the work jimmy by

the way jimmy oh thank you jimmy um very ableist of you and also he couldn't fuck so he was pretty outgoing about that his tongue worked fine so and his wife didn't be there i thought that it was like a totally different system working your dick than it is because people who are paraplegic can get hard-ons well i it probably depends on why you're paraplegic right it'd be funny if he was like no i mean my dick didn't get hard before the accident he's like thank god yeah well he made it seem like he couldn't get hard-ons because of this accident and uh and he would just eat his wife out and i don't know like if i like look i'm i'm down for for almost anything but it's depressing if yeah if i'm not having sex too that's a step away from like animal cruelty but to me right like

it's just not nice it's torture having to eat out what do you two thumbs up having to eat out the woman you're with is just like animal cruelty no i didn't like i'm in the same boat i don't i don't mind it at all but if i know that i'm not gonna fuck afterward it's like like what am i i'm what am i here for i'm gonna go watch a hockey game like i don't care like come on yeah i feel that way about compliments you feel that way about what compliments too like i mean i could be doing anything else over here destiny what about you are these guys that just love going down on their women uh yeah i like it but i don't maybe i'm a younger well i can't say that the taylor i don't know but yeah how old are you destiny uh 30 30 and 28 pretty

close okay wow i thought you were way younger good job you used to be oh thanks man it's because my head's so fat oh yeah oh very baby Oh, very baby face. Yeah, okay. I have Dick syndrome of no matter how much weight I lose, head is enormous. You could probably take a punch. We're going to let that one ride. Dick's a boxer.

You know this. Head size, neck size. But like, you could probably eyeball someone and say whether he could take a punch or not i don't know woody i don't know if i could i don't know if i have any tests for that it's a thing how can you not know this like like taylor heavy head thick neck this is the kind of guy who's very hard to knock out and then on the other end is me like looking a little bit like beaker with like i feel like on camera my head's bigger than his real life but you know like like smaller head you look like a cake pop you're right

cake pop i don't know what that is yeah it's like a lollipop but uh with there's many cakes on top okay all right well i'm to assume cake pops look pretty good. Yeah, but you have a thinner neck and a smaller head. You get knocked out. Chiz really looks like he could take a punch and deserves one. His face, his lying face looks so punchy.

The way his tiny little mouth is squeezed in between his nostrils like a weirdo like a cartoon what did he tell you that that has like did he say you're gonna be the only guest it'll be the three of you did he just chis looks like a mike remember like uh don flamenco that's what chis would look like if he got punched i think what he said he said hey dick uh i know you're go you're guest hosting with kyle's way but uh destiny's gonna be there just want to make sure that's okay let me know asap so i can reschedule

if you're not okay with that i'm like oh so i mean jizz Chizrag, it would look kind of fucked if I did have a problem with that, which I don't. I mean, first of all, is this what you want to do for your show? You don't know if we're just going to be assholes on there or not. Secondly, this is what you fucking spring on me at the last minute you cocksucker like i don't want to make you do extra work because first of all you seem kind of incompetent to me and i know people who are incompetent struggle to do work in the first place so i don't want to make you try to i don't want to make you do a bunch of extra work you fuck uh but secondly i will look like a huge asshole if i say no to this to you right now you motherfucker and you know it uh let me let me know as quickly as possible let

me know oh why is that shiz why would i have to let you know as quickly as possible because you waited till the last fucking minute to do this so what did he tell you over the last month nothing nothing he ran that guilt shit pretty hard too because when he came at me he was like hey listen up um so destiny you know kyle's in prison right i'm like yeah and he's like we really need two guests of the show i want to do something this is the only time in all of pka history we'll ever be able to set this up because once he's out of prison we can't do it anyway i'm like whoo i got twitch con i got a lot of shit going on he's like kyle is in prison

fuck i signed me up i guess fuck it this is so funny i'm sorry to get like a good job look at this because yeah we don't fucking know. Every week we just hear that he sends us a text. He's like, hey, so-and-so's the guest. And we're like, okay. And then he sent this to me Sunday night. And right Sunday night at 10.30 p.m. And I knew as soon as I got it, I was like, oh, something.

I know what. I've been a comedian for a long time. I know what it looks like when someone who is not funny is trying to do something funny. I could just see him back there giggling at this little at this at this tournée at this cold front hot front. He was putting together like these guys are really terrible. Something fucked up in your plan, didn't it? Choose to be messaging me. It's Sunday at 1030 at night. Oh, no, I'm sorry monday monday how stupid of me monday hey man just so you know destiny is the guest on the show this week with you as a fill-in for kyle

is that gonna be a problem who the fuck talks to who the fuck talks to a guest like that a producer a fucking producer that's who i would like to say chiz is fucking ruthless man listen there are certain qualities there are things that i have come to respect at the age that i am where some people look at somebody like what a disgusting fuck and i look at someone's like this is a guy that knows what the fuck he's doing you know what chiz he's got his shit together that's where my head is on this podcast that's exactly what i see you guys are all ripping on it but you're both here i have a friend i was listening to on my stream talking about like um like well if you're looking for work one of the best places where you can find cheap dead work is you find these college kids that throw together these huge portfolios who never worked a real job before and you and you hire them out

you know two thousand dollars a month you know that's a lot of money to a guy that's never got paid a program before and i'm like damn and everyone in my chat is like this guy is such a piece of shit taking i'm like dude i gotta fucking work with this guy i've never thought of this shit in my life oh yeah i was gonna say you guys could guys could hire a virtual assistant off Upwork or Freelancer or something and probably pay less than you're paying Chiz to do this shit. I mean, it's something to think about. I don't know if he gets a percentage or what. Go on Upwork and release Chiz.

He should be paying to work here. It's such good exposure. It's such an opportunity. Speaking of virtual assistants. I love Chiz. He does a great job. Very hard segue the most futuristic rich person thing I've ever felt in my entire fucking life

has anybody with an android phone used that call screening feature no I didn't even know that was a feature so I don't know how or why but someday I picked up my phone and I was like hey by the way you can screen calls I'm like I don't know what the fuck that is but I'll click yes sure when people call me it goes

to voicemail I have a little robot that says hey just so you know this person's not accepting calls right now can you please say who you are and your name and then I see whatever they're saying um like hey this is Rachel pick up the fucking phone you dumbass or like hello this is blah blah blah can you blah blah blah and then I can choose to pick up the phone or just click screen and they'll say he'll call back you back whenever when he's available call you back when he's available that's some cool that's some amazing fucking shit apple are you listening i want this holy shit which samsung do you have or which android do you have it's just a google pixel but i think every single android i think can do this i don't know how you like turn on if you

search for like call screening or something but like yeah you could just screen calls and it's like they all the text like works pretty well and it's like this is some awesome fucker shit oh my god damn i need that because i don't know if everybody else in the country is dealing with this too a couple people i talk to are i get more spam calls like multiple a day now where they'll call about student loans or credit cards that i need to apply for or someone in India will call saying there is a problem with my iTunes account and I don't have an iTunes account. Are you guys getting fucked tons of these? And it's in the last two years.

Where the fuck are all the airbags getting fucked up in the United States? That's what I get. Every fucking two weeks, I get airbag safety recall notice from Ford. Really? Yeah, and it's some random spam fucking company. And then I get phone calls for like, do you want to upgrade your car warranty? what i get every fucking two weeks i get airbag safety recall notice from ford in my fucking yeah and it's some random spam fucking company and then i get phone calls for like do you want to upgrade your car warranty those are the spam calls that i get mine's about student loans student loans constantly a lot of times they're tied into current events like hey uh president

trump is doing a tax cut and there's a special wheel deal in there for your student loans or like you know something's about to expire your student loans or like, you know, something's about to expire your student loans. I'm sure they're going to work in the fucking impeachment into my, I never took a loan out, right? I was, I worked full time during the day and I went to school at night and then my employers, whatever. So, yeah, I've never had a student loan.

So for me to get all this student loan spam is something else. I don't get it either. I get, I had a couple months ago uh a guy an indian guy feel like like a real guy on the phone being like my name is john and you have a problem with your itunes account and i need your information to take care of and like it's like wow if i were a boomer i'd be giving you my credit card right now like Like, no wonder they do that shit. Dude, I read that millennials fall for it more than boomers. Surprise me. It stuck out. I read the study

or whatever it was a couple weeks ago and it was millennials fall for it more than boomers. I get texts. How do they do it? You just ask them what kind of computer do I have? Yeah. And also, I don't own an Apple, so that's easy. Sorry, go ahead. Three hours ago, we sent you a text. It's very important that we talk.

Can you please call now? And he gives his number. They're all roughly the same hanging there. Carla Thompson from Colorado here. Can you please give me a quick call now? It's very urgent, all capital letters. Shit like that, constantly. Wait, these guys text you for their advertising?

Yeah. I haven't got those no you know the scariest fucking scam it's really scary this it's very rare because i'm so intelligent i'm sure you guys are too very rare that i read a scam and i'm like i would fall for that very rarely happens most of i see it as like oh come on like how fucking dumb are you one guy was talking about how his bank got hacked and i'm like oh you gotta fuck up real bad for this okay because you two-factor authenticate everything right so this guy is i think he's at a bar whatever and he gets a phone call and it's his bank um or they say it's the bank or whatever right phone call comes in hey this is wells fargo um we need to verify a transaction

that just occurred and the guy was like yeah sure, sure. And they're like, just to verify that you are who you are and that we can verify that we are who we are, we're going to send you a code on the cell phone that's registered to the bank. Can you please read us back the code to make sure that this is actually John whatever Smith? And the guy is like, okay, sure. He looks at his phone and shut off. He gets a text message from his

Wells Fargo bank that gives him a six digit code. Yeah. Do you see where it's going? And he reads it back to him and the guy's like, okay, thanks. We're going to authorize the transaction, blah, blah, blah. The guy had his password, but he typed in the password as soon as he called him, and then the two-factor authentication went to the guy's phone, and then he read them the thing on the phone. And when I read that, I was like, oh, shit.

I would totally fucking fall for that. I wasn't even thinking about it. Oh, my God. Oh, I would have fallen for that so hard. Yeah, holy shit. I would have been so embarrassed about it. I probably wouldn't have told anyone. Yep, that would have been a...

I wouldn't have even told my bank. I would have been like, I think my dad spent my card. I need to close that account by the way. I'm done with that shit. Like, oh God, I'm going to go to fucking whatever credit union now. I can't even own up to it. That is the worst part about getting duped is you can't tell anyone because

it reflects so poorly on you we're like you really just get bamboozled and you're like oh well this is coming to the grave and i'm never getting that grand back that thought process gets old people you know they're 69 years old and they get bamboozled and they don't want to tell everyone out have embarrassment. Oh, that's actually really sad, but that's true. Yeah, they don't want to ask for help or anything. Man, you got to be just imagining somebody in like Bangladesh

waking up every morning, hitting the alarm, making breakfast, getting in the car, driving to work. It's like, oh, what do you do? Well, I try and trick and trick americans every day from nine to five and it's like how's business oh it is a booming like it's going great it's just uh i mean it's honestly it's less bad than the people that work at like the payday advanced places i mean i think those are even worse but those are pretty evil yeah there's payday advanced for like

you just take advantage of people who don't get interest. They're like, you mean the money's now? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm signing. You mean in one minute I have the money I want. You give me $300 and I give you $350 in like a month.

Like that sounds great. 50. And then when you do the APR, it's like 7,000% or something. It's really just taking advantage of like yeah the poorest of the poor i think i was gonna say something right before i cut him off i think oh no i used to get the uh the social security calls all the time uh there's a problem with your social security number so uh give us a call back and i call him back and record it like just to be a jerk because he would

kind of stupid shit you could get by these like, see how dumb they would think you. It pissed them off so much that I tried to do it the next day, and they called again. And when I called back and got a guy on the phone, he hung up immediately. So I got banned from talking to people, but they will still give me the initial call to tell me that there's a problem but every time i respond to him like oh yeah oh yeah i totally want to talk to you like what's the problem obviously like oh you again like i'm in i'm flagged in their database so that

they won't waste time talking to me uh that pisses me off more than it was in the first place now i'm like well now i can't get any enjoyment at all out of this fuck you guys i did this years and years ago right so this is when landlines were thing not everyone had a cell phone they'd call you during dinner they'd intentionally call during dinner because they'd get a higher hit rate everyone's home at dinner i guess so um they call me up they try to sell me something that i don't want and i'm like yeah absolutely hang in there. I'm totally looking for timeshare. And then I took the phone and I put it in a kitchen drawer.

And then I went back and I joined Jackie for dinner. And she thought that was the meanest thing. She's like, that guy is trying to earn a living. And I'm like, he's bothering us at dinner. This is what he does. He spams. He's a phone guy. He should just sit at the call waiting for me to come back for as long as he spams he's a phone guy you know like he does he should just sit at the call waiting for me to come back for as long as he's willing to i agree with you those

guys suck yeah it's the worst i want nothing to do with them but before we jump into the next thing oh oh oh no no i don't know i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry you have to take the phone away from her and hang oh my my girlfriend is like when people come to our house and i'm not home like knocking like doing their door-to-door sales sales where it's like, you want to redo your backyard deck? Here's the thing. Here's this. Here's that. Literally last time we were doing last week, we were doing this show.

I was recording. I walked out to go pee. I looked out my front door and I see her talking to two young guys with like their clipboards and shit. And I was like, I'm going to have to deal with some sort of meeting now. And she came in later. And I was like, who were those people? And she's like, well, they wanted to redo your deck. And so I told them they could come by tomorrow at 5.

And I was like, oh, God. I forget about it. I'm getting home From something the next day And there's a car parked in front of my neighbor's house And this guy just gets out and he's like Like Kind of a Chad You know guy

This guy has like high and tight haircut Pretty good shave he's like hey I'm Brad I'm here from Porches Unlimited And I'm here to take a look at your Backyard and I was like What Your backyard you set it up Porches Unlimited. And I'm here to take a look at your backyard. And I was like, what? Your backyard? You set it up?

You're Taylor, right? This is your house? Yeah, man. My girlfriend gave me that info. I'm not interested. He's like, well, I always just come around and take a look at your porch. What situation you got going back there? You said they got a crack.

And then I was like, yeah, it's concrete. He goes, whoa, concrete? We don't do concrete. He turned around and left. And I was like, oh man, that was real easy. Got him, honey. When I buy shit,

I buy whatever the fuck the sticker price is. That is the only fucking thing I'm paying. I don't want the extended warranty. I don't want the fucking deluxe bullshit, whatever add-on you're trying to sell me. Why? Because it's 99% because the commission, that's where people make their money. That's where the commission starts, the biggest profit margin items.

You're better off going aftermarket on any of these things and taking whatever the factory, whatever offered bullshit is. My thought process is you wouldn't sell it if it was a good deal or the only reason you want to sell this warranty is through your actuaries and whatever you figure out that the warranty is more expensive than the average damage yeah i'm not poor i've got money if shit goes wrong i'll fucking pay for it i know i'm making more money in the long run

because you wouldn't offer me this deal if it was actually saving money yet uh when i went to buy my car the guy was ruthless i have never now as my years of streaming have gone on i've become a hardened and bitted person and bitter person i can and i can be mean to people if i need to be that's fine i don't give a fuck anymore okay i'm successful i do my shit um so but this guy tested me um so we go through the things okay blah blah blah here's your interest blah blah blah and you know and he starts you like wow you know you're a very smart guy. Like I can tell what, blah, blah. And I'm like, yeah, thanks. I try. And he's like, um, so I want to tell you a story. Um,

my wife was driving her van, um, you know, across Omaha and you know, Omaha real bad potholes. Um, she destroyed a wheel and had to get it fixed. The wheel and the tire cost her almost $1,500. If you get this tire and wheel insurance or whatever the fuck it was, this is only $50 like every six months. Like it'll save you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, man, that must've been a really expensive wheel.

When I broke mine, it was only like two or 300 bucks. I don't want it though. Thank you. And he's like, okay, okay. And then he went through like three or four different packages. And I was like, no, I'm good.

I don't want to thank you though. And he's like, what if I told you I would take some money off the car to give you like the warranty and I'm like no I'm good I was just rather but he's like you understand that all of the money that I make is coming from these sales and I'm like I don't know what I'm supposed to fucking say to you like it's not my fucking job to pay your fucking check like what the fuck is this I'm not a fucking IHOP trying to give you a fucking tip for some pancakes like i want a fucking car like what the fuck why are you doing this to me and i'm like i mean i'm sorry but yeah

holy shit and he was like and yeah and as he's entering it in real passive ways like well you know i'm just saying like i'm making pretty much nothing on this sale it's like fuck it's not my fucking problem why are you making this my problem this is your career okay it's just a sale for me okay this is your fucking line you figure that that shit out, alright? Jesus Christ. This guy's a prick. I hope his wife gets in another tire room. Holy fuck. I'm tempted to slip him like a crisp

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I don't want to throw stones. Some of you guys have never had it. Check it out. Yeah, get that. And do it safely with ExpressVPN. I have a Patreon question. Are you guys ready for this? Yeah, Patreon.

I forget what level it is. Maybe $10. You can ask questions. $10, yeah. Here it is. If you were to wake up in prison and call your significant other to tell him what happened,

what would your significant other initially think you were in prison for? I tweeted out when I was younger. I don't know why. I was real dumb. I tweeted out a lot of bomb threats. I tweeted out when I was younger. I don't know why.

I was real dumb. I tweeted out a lot of bomb threats. I remember that I was at ATL. Why would you do that? This was the only time in my life. You know how they say go to an airport two hours early? I'm in there fucking 35 minutes early skittering by on the fucking, I don't want to wait in the airport.

I don't want to stand everybody. I want to go in, go through security. In Omaha, it's a very small airport, right? For larger airports, obviously you show up a little bit later but i had to fly out of i think it was atl for something and i decided i'll be responsible and i showed up the full two hours it was a domestic flight two hours early okay this is a phenomenal effort on my part and i am waiting in this goddamn fucking line and it is getting longer even ahead of me it's somehow more people are getting up there i don't know how they've got one fucking guy open they're bringing people back from other places and i'm standing there for an hour okay and this is back in 2013 before we had chairs

that came out of our fucking asses right i had to stand on my own two legs okay no shortcuts or anything and i remember i took out my phone my 40 000 twitter follower account and i was like man if i was fucking Al-Qaeda or Taliban or whatever the fuck we had back then, whoever we were fighting the least time, if I was fucking Taliban, I would fucking bomb the fuck out of this security line because I know I could kill at least 200 motherfuckers here. And I don't know how.

I never got no fly list and no one ever talked to me over any of this shit. But if I went to jail, they would immediately assume, like, okay, you finally got caught on one of these dumb fucking tweets. And then you did it again and again and again. If I went to jail, that would be, they would immediately assume like, okay, you finally got caught in one of these dumb fucking tweets. Yeah. And then you did it again and again. Also, Atlanta airport, even more opportunistic.

Yeah. The one bomb threat that actually got my Twitter banned was I told my ISP that I needed the address to the local, like the node that my uplink was going through because all of my traffic was fucked and other traffic in the neighborhood was was and i said that if they give me the node i would go ahead and bomb it for them so they could replace it with something better and i actually lost my twitter account for that yeah oh it's a goddamn shame that's that's a good joke i don't know i don't do enough fun stuff I've always wanted to believe That I have what it takes to rob a bank

And if I found out that I had cancer I would absolutely Put all of my time, effort, and money Into learning how to rob a bank And pull off a heist So maybe that Just something fun about that to me I get blank stares when I talk about this

Because I think I'm the only one Who thinks all the time about robbing a bank And how fun it would be i keep seeing these bank robbers get away with non-life-changing amounts of money you know one thousand dollars three thousand dollars welcome but but in my fantasy it's more than that yeah like and i'm i'm dressed as the Joker. You need to watch... What is the movie I keep recommending? The Heist? Money Heist? Money Heist, I think it's called. You don't know Money Heist?

I don't know. It's on Netflix, and I'm sure you'd really enjoy it. They really plan out an elaborate heist. I do love bank robber movies. Can I get somebody here? So, I've never asked someone, because it would sound incredibly weird okay but can someone here confirm at gas stations and shit do they really only ever

have like 20 of the register how is that possible what if somebody comes in they have to be but i've never wanted to walk up and be like how much money is actually in the right because for obvious reasons but like why do they put that lock box yeah? Do they have a lockbox? Yeah, sometimes they just... Some places have a timed lockbox where if they get over 20 bucks or 100 bucks... Oh, they just slide it in? And it only opens on either a manager's code or the Brinks truck. When they come around, they got a key for it. I can't think of when,

but yeah, we had an environment like that where I worked and there was a hole in the safe. You could put money in the top of it, but I don't have any access to get inside of it. Gotcha. I've always wanted to walk in and like try to be cute like i'll get like a bag of cheetos and i'll pay with like a 50 and i'll see what they give me for change and i could get them but i never had a 50 bill so i never got to test it out no i don't care that much so i texted my wife i was calling you from jail would be your first guess at my crime? And she said, trespassing. That's what you think of me?

That's what you think of me? That that's the coolest thing I do? I am the one who knocks. That was such a senior citizen response, too. Not to knock either of you, but trespassing. On purpose or on accident? Does it get worse? She's's typing something i've got the three little dots we'll see if anything good comes in might get a lot cooler don't worry

uh probably exposing myself i could easily see me doing that being too drunk i hate pants i fucking hate pants with a passion. You hate shorts? I hate wearing clothes. I hate it. Oh. I always have. What's wrong with you? You don't need a shirt for this show. Well, I've embarrassed myself enough on the drunk show. Maybe next time you'll get lucky and I'll just shit for you, but it's not going to be today.

I could see that one. Or drugs. Maybe possession. They're making it harder to get arrested in California with possession now, though. I've got faith. I'm over here. Not rape, though. I want to make that clear. It's so suspenseful. Well, it totally wouldn't be rape.

Jesus. Definitely not underage rape that's not what anyone would think definitely not that anyone was thinking that a uh destiny i think i the most anti-government like the most the closest i've ever been to just saying fuck it and converting to be a sleeper cell for ISIS was also at the ATL airport. Yeah. There's something about that place. Just like the single file line that they make you march past the drug dogs just to get in. Oh, one at a time.

Walk slowly. Eyes forward. Yeah. Holy shit. Some dystopian shit. I was triggered as fuck. That was horrible. I'm glad i didn't have my twitter then one of the most traumatizing you know have you ever seen like the clear lines where you can

like pay like 200 bucks a year and you get like expedited or expedited fucking yeah shit i went to um if you've ever flown out of sea tax seattle tacoma whatever the airport in washington the big one in seattle um i went into this airport for my flight and again i try to show up these like at least one or two hours early because i know that these can be bullshit and this on okay so this airport has when i walk in two of the longest lines i've ever seen one line is at that end of the airport going this way and then the other line is at the other end of the airport going that way. So I'm like, holy shit. So I walk through, get my boarding pass, and I walk to this one long line. And it actually goes from one end to the other. So I walk all the way to the back of this fucking line, and it goes around the corner.

And I'm like, what? And I turn the corner, and I walk to the end, and I turn to the right. And both lines that I saw, it was actually just one fucking fly. They went all the fucking way around the airport. And I walked to the front and I said, how much for that clear shit? And I fucking bought it. And I felt like a loser. And I walked to the fucking front when everybody in that line, you know, because when you do it, whenever you have like those, those passes to the front, everybody looks at you like, oh, yeah.

Rich. Give me the fuck out of here. Okay. Send me through. I don't give a fuck holy shit i was in a long line this is only a few months ago like april and uh the security line was way longer than it normally is for raleigh's airport all right i'm nervous i'm gonna miss my flight i don't have a ton of time it's like 7 8 a.m and i'm just like fuck like i'm not sure i'm going to make it. And this guy comes. And he's obviously nervous, too. He's all stressed and anxious.

And he's cutting in front of everyone. He's just walking through the security line instead of waiting in the security line. But everyone's letting him do it. And I see him coming my way because I'm deep in the line at this point. And I'm like, everyone's just going to let – we're all in this in this like tacit agreement to let this guy cut and he gets to me i put my hand on his shoulder and i say whoa whoa whoa what are you doing and he's like i'm gonna miss my flight i'm gonna miss my flight and i was like what time is your flight it was also at 7 8 i show him my ticket, and I'm like, get in the line.

You're not special. And he did. He went all the way to the fucking back of the line. Oh, this is the kind of thing I like to fantasize about. And everybody cheered kind of moment. No, no. People always talk about in these killer moments where there's a mass shooter, there's a bank robbery.

You'd run forward, and would like do the heroic thing oh no yeah no there was broken the fbi finally got him one bomb threat too many no there was nothing heroic about it he was a um oh woody there is don't downplay it that is very to stand up to a line cutter and tell them to go fuck themselves they'll sing songs about you he wasn't american and i think that may have been like part of why everyone gave him a pass except me like he just seemed like he was asian he seemed like a confused, rushed Asian guy. And I think they all had sympathy on him, except for me. I was just the biggest

asshole in line, I guess. You're moving again, Destiny. Oh, thanks. You were just about to say something about those go-off moments. Oh, I was going to say, people always pretend that they'd be heroes in these moments, but most people can't even bring themselves to, like,

I'm going to tell my neighbor to be a little bit more quiet right like that you open the door and their heart starts fucking racing if you knock on the door you're like i'm gonna fucking tell them and some guy opens the door it's like what you're like can you please just a little bit quieter and it's like the most action that these people have had in their entire lives yeah yeah what's the one of those you guys think about the most like the the line one is classic shutting down a butter in line shutting down a family of italians at a restaurant that's a fantasy i have getting them to volume family of italians i had to process that for a second but yeah i could see them all yelling at each other i uh one at a time all over the place you know yeah just

wine pasta all over i've probably told this before but i so again i'm at an airport this is a long long time ago i'm probably 24 or something like that on a business trip and uh our airplane gets delayed but like by a lot six hours or something like that and there's this group i don't know where they're from like one of those less successful european countries slovakia maybe i don't know and uh they're all yelling at each other and they're just like it's just animated conversation in another language and they're surrounding me all over the place right like like like they dominate this waiting room and they're like partying, yelling, arguing. One of them, not one of them,

several of them broke out a musical instrument and they're playing that together. Like it wasn't a guitar. That is beyond rude. It wasn't a guitar. It was like a smaller guitar and more rounded and shit. And I'm like, just like reading or something. I think I had a book.

And then they start arguing against each other and they're pointing they're pointing their fingers like to get on each other but they're sitting on my left and my right and they they had their hand in between my eyes and my book as they're pointing at each other and that's what it took i was just like dude come on like that that was when i broke and i was like this is this is outrageous you guys are yelling you're screaming now you're in my space and then he made me feel like an asshole for like i thought i had the high ground here but then he starts apologizing and he apologizes so furiously. I feel like this is a tactic that maybe in his culture is more commonly employed. What are they, like Eastern European or something?

Something like that, yeah. Call them Croatian. I don't know what the fuck they are. But so he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And he starts apologizing on behalf of everybody else there, his family, how he's disturbing. And now I'm like, dude, it's okay. If you put the tambourine away.

Yeah. No, it starts making me apologize for not being okay with him clearly being outrageous. Dude, playing an instrument in public like that while you're trying to read. A couple of them even ruder than people who like wear their headphones on their neck and blast music out of it and it's like this is you're wearing the thing that lets you do this come on man you you joking about the tamari but you're close like there was some sort of guitar variant like a jar with beads on it that they're shaking,

like, like a Morocco type thing. Like they're, they brought a jar with beads. These people suck. But it's kind of funny. Yeah, that is funny though.

Like, I don't remember what comedian is. Actually, no, it might be John Mulaney who was like, like the time between when you see a band set up in a public space and they start to play as like the slow motion in a movie we're like no like the mariachi band's about to fucking go off i hate music in public should be illegal i like live music i don't know why i didn't this time

maybe because it was just a mess. Even if that guy that brings the guitar to the party and gets all the attention, I'm like the guy giving him attention. Do you know what the wall is? Oh, we found one. Holy shit. I can't play, but I'm the guy that likes it. We were about to pack it up forever until this guy

came over and did it. He comes to every party hoping Woody will be there. Maybe he'll be here this time. Oh, well, fuck it. Here I go. Damn. Guess we'll have to keep doing this at all public functions. Until Woody finally goes to a party again.

Yeah. My neighbor's got a dog that will never, never, never, never shut up. They got this little yippy dog like last Christmas. What is it? Yeah, it's been about a year. And I swear I've screamed at everybody who lives in this house. It's a bigger house, so there's a ton of people there, every single one of them.

Oh, that's not my dog. Oh, that's not my dog. Oh, that's not my dog. Not my dog. I've done the whole city thing where you got to send in a letter and they send it to them. I got a receipt of that. Like, it's to the point where I'm waiting for someone to peek, a new person to peek out, so I can just jump up no matter what I'm doing and scream at the new one to shut their fucking dog up. But it's driving me insane.

Like, they're at the spot in the canyon I live on where the earth acts as a megaphone for this one little fucking dog that never gets tired of barking. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Well, you know what happens. That's what I'll get arrested for, actually. There we go.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, mean you know most likely the guy who owns that dog just lied and said that's not my dog that's not my dog I'll go yell at all of them again that's what I would do I would and I'd bring a weapon have you considered asking whose dog it is uh no I have not

actually you know what make a page out of old destiny's book call in a bomb threat and then see who comes out with the dog i'm the dog rough hi i'm the dog who lives at this address things are really rough for me and i'm planning to blow up the federal building downtown. I really mean it. I'm a dog. On behalf of him. My name is Roscoe. And I'm 13 pounds and I'm dangerous.

Yeah, that's... I mean, if I were in that situation, I would have lied to your face. Oh, that's not my dog. I hate it. Preaching to the choir, buddy. See you never. I'll be nicer. Then maybe I'd get it out of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you... You have a dog, don't you, or no no no no no and doesn't have a dog you just have a kid yeah yeah do you want more kids by the way like or like get married that kind of kind of rude or are you like I got it done no I think like kids are like one of those things where it's like, if it all lines up well, yeah, sure. But it's hard to, I don't know if I would go out of my way to make space in my life for another one. But I mean, if I was with the right person and I had enough money and they really wanted it, yeah, maybe, sure.

Makes sense. Yeah, I want kids at some point, definitely. Dick, are you still hard and fast? No kids? No, I just need to be tricked into it. I want to be tricked into it i want to be tricked yeah i'll avoid it as much as possible that's the game i'm playing with my girlfriend i don't know if she's aware of it or if she is playing that game too i hope not but that's the game i'm playing

just to make it interesting she's playing the old wouldn't this feel better without a condom game? It's a dangerous game. My only form of birth control is the pull-out method. And so we are rolling the dice each and every night. Every night. Nice going, Dad. It really is only a matter of time. When you start having sex without a condom, you quickly see how literally every single facet of a woman's existence could kind of look like she's pregnant wakes up my stomach's a little iffy and go fucking get a test

or you know my period is like one day late or i'm kind of spotting randomly through the month these are all symptoms of a pregnancy maybe you should go get fucking tested or take a couple trips down the stairs yeah oh yeah a couple trips down the stairs as invested in a woman's menstrual cycle as i like you know some women will just be like, oh, when it comes, it comes. I'm ready. Whatever. I don't really keep track. No, actually, your fourth day, you were supposed to ovulate. You're on day 26 now. You're two days past your menstruation.

If you look at the menstruation app that I downloaded on my phone for you... Real quick for yesterday, would you describe your flow as heavy, moderate, or light? I need to know this. It's important. I'm so fertile. I'm so hoardy right now. Yeah, back off, Fertile Myrtle.

We'll see you in three days. We're the opposite. We only have sex when you're on your period. Have you bought a test? Have you had a scare to the point where you bought a home pregnancy test? Yes. Yeah. A couple times but you know what i learned

from that is that i made it out of the woods i immediately forgot all the stress that put me under and i'm back to just you start walking through drugs because i played this game with an ex-wife you walk the drugs you're like all right fuck it i should get a condom what kind you're blah blah blah blah and then she sends you should get a condom. What kind? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then she sends you a text message. She's like, you know what? I had my period. And you're like, okay. I'll come back tomorrow. You never go back home.

Yeah, I remember why I do this shit again. And then you play the same game next month. It's just like when you get a speeding ticket for like the next couple weeks, you're like, Mr. Good Boy on the road, seeing cops and looking at him like i'm not afraid of you i'm a good boy i'm doing my job i'm going 60 64 and a 60 and then like a month after that you're screaming down the road as you do and you're in my honda so yeah car to go fasted

yeah the guy from my high school got his girl pregnant. And I was so jealous because he was not any kind of Chad. Had like awful teeth and weird hair. And his face was just like, you wouldn't think he was a guy getting laid. And his girlfriend was hot. And then she comes up pregnant. And it's like, oh, my God, irrefutable proof. And I talked to him about it. We started, like, hanging out in the summer.

We had a common friend, and he laid it out. He's like, you know, we're fucking, we're fucking, and she's not getting pregnant. After, you know, two, three months and 50, 60 times, I figured I wasn't fertile. That this just wasn't a problem that we were going to have. And it turned out it was. Well, some people, when they're saying pull-out method, they're like getting to the point that cum is erupting from your penis. And then they're starting to pull out.

I am Mr. Conservative when it comes to the pullout method i like i feel it coming and it's like out out until it settles down for a bit and then like and then then we'll finish in another way but like yeah i am playing a dangerous game gentlemen if you actually do it perfectly um the effectiveness of the pullout method, believe it or not, is like 96%. It's actually very effective if you don't have a mistake. Now, it's actually pretty hard to get pregnant. Like some people think if you touch a woman with your dick, like, you know, she's going to get pregnant. So usually you have to go.

Sometimes it takes a few months for people, you know, like it's not like, you know, like Woody's pregnant. You know, like it's not like you do it once and they get pregnant, right? Wrong. I know the exact orgasm. I did pull out for, I think, eight years. No, it couldn't have been that long, but it was like six, maybe six years on two different women. And I knew because I did that, the natural family planning where I knew like the cycle or whatever. And I was fucking my kid's mom.

He wasn't my kid's mom at that point. He was just my soon to be ex-girlfriend. I was fucking her. And I, you know, I was like, you know, she's either perfectly fertile right now or the thing is past and she's not

fertile at all. And you know what? It's just one time. So fuck it. I know the way we were laying. I know it was missionary position. I knew that the lights were on in the room. It was that one time.

And fucking, I was like fucking four or five weeks knew that the lights were on in the room. It was that one time and fucking, it was like fucking four or five weeks later, she rolls me in bed. Steven, I'm pregnant. Fuck! I couldn't believe how un-fucking lucky I was. I exactly, I know the exact fucking orgasm of the kid. I hate myself.

The exact one. Because it is the only time I have ever come inside of an unprotected woman. I couldn't even believe how unlucky I was. Jesus Christ. Jackie and I used the pull-out method for ages. And the times that we had kids were very... For Colin,

we had a hard time getting pregnant because it was a C-section. It was a whole thing. But for Hope, our first kid, we had decided to have a kid maybe even that day and uh and you know just nailed it first they're like how long did it take you to get pregnant with the first kid and i was like like 40 minutes which is a lie it was like 15 minutes but i love that lying about how long it took to conceive a child after after three hours of intense fucking that's where you showed up

well that's like women always talk about how long your labor is but then you gotta swoop in how long the labor like the pain of it you gotta swoop in after then like yeah okay you heard mom's story but actually the conception of you took even longer. We were tantriking that shit out for days. You were conceived, actually, reverse cowgirl. It's funny. That was post-Estimates a lot. More than your year's time. See, it's good that Hope doesn't watch the show.

She was conceived doggy style in a shower. Jesus Christ. How degrading. Degrading? No. in his shower. Jesus Christ. Yeah, we had a... How degrading. Degrading? No. I have a much different philosophy on this.

It's fucking awesome. No little girl wants to be conceived doggy style in the shower. That is the kind of sex that... Her hair, her body was nice and clean. It was probably the most immaculate conception. I know, it was wonderful. Not actually getting fucked with.

Dude, I do this with movies, too. Like a verbal essence. Like if I see some standard sex or something, I think, oh, that's just a fucked up couple. When I see the extra sex, that's when I know that these two guys have a bond. It's what happens in my fucked up head anyway. Yeah, when I watch the sex, I know these two guys. Did I say that? Yeah.

But yeah, we used to go running together on the boardwalk we lived in Ocean City New Jersey at the time and we went running together and then we were both cleaning up and made a baby it's the way she goes man fucking way she goes Ricky yeah the last time the last time I had to rely heavily On the pull out method It was a long time ago But I dated a girl for like two years Destiny, can you back me up on this? As someone who had to learn

Who had to learn To preserve their way of life They turn into slime A woman will start lubricating like with a slime when it's baby making when she's super fertile yeah you can check with your fingers yeah yeah and i've been trying to get the word out of this for the young men who don't know how to test for this because it's really that's when you got to stay if you're like me and you do like a pullout method where it's like jumping on an elevator like when i start

to come i just start running in reverse so i can wait till the very last moment to have my dick out of there but when it was when she was slimy when like when you reach down and it just feels like snot be very fucking careful that's when you that's when it's like uh amish style through a sheet when there's no where there's no hole in. I've been even less safe than I thought I was. Wow. I didn't know that. You didn't know that. See, there you go.

Nobody's – that's what Andrew Yang should have dropped on everybody at the last debate is that little tidbit. And also, guys, when you reach down and her pussy feels slimy like mr yang you'll know it it'll cling together i want to start asking crap you man pka facts you need to start asking funnier questions at the debates i'm none of you guys are going to end the war which none of you are going to end wars so let's not pretend let's not pretend with your little questions i want to hear what was the first thing that you beat off to and then joe biden would be like actually i had this record player what was his last gift oh my god record player this is back when my teeth stayed in my mouth.

Beating off to a flapper girl. It's a flapper girl in the cigar box. Then you would vote based on who had the coolest first beat-off story, which Trump,

I don't know what he gets. He strikes me as a guy who doesn't even like... He says he's never beat off. Did he say that? Did he say that? I don't know. I've never masturbated. I wouldn't do it.

I don't touch fetuses. That's gay. That's gay. He never gets that. Me and my friend Mike the Electric fence pence very against it yeah like i don't know what he would have beat off to he always struck me as a guy who's like not nearly as horny but he wants everybody to know that he's fucking this is like we're talking about yeah i feel like because he's fat and out of shape and he's been fat for a while and he's been old for a long time it's like he's more doing it to try and be like oh i still fuck i'm cool i fuck definitely definitely meanwhile like he'll really not do that much that guy needs blue chew we gotta we gotta look at the fucking actuary tables on some of these older people okay

we're getting up there for some of these candidates and ages trump sounds like he's losing his fucking mind biden sounds like he's losing his fucking mind like i feel like at some point we're gonna have in fairness to biden he's always sounded like he's losing his fucking mind yeah yeah maybe i don't know he's had a couple gaffs recently where you kind of wonder like you know grandpa maybe it's time to sit down and let maybe somebody of the maybe a younger 68 year old person even like a 70 year old person step up and take this one like warren looks like a spring chicken yeah next to like bernie and and biden and she's 70 yeah i don't know how old she'd be if she won like obviously at least 71 i don't know isn't bernie gonna be like 80 years old by the time the election rolls around yeah he's 78 years old i think biden is the oldest is that all he is i

think you're right i think biden is 76 oh 76 biden's soul is the old or at least his brain is not in like an intelligent way but in like a it's about to roll over and die when he was like trying to give serious answers at the i don't even watch the debates because they're fucking boring but i'll watch the clips of the funny shit and when he was like trying to give serious answers and i don't even watch the debates because they're fucking boring but i'll watch the clips of the funny shit and when he's like trying to talk about afghanistan or some shit and his eye is just full of blood just one eye as he's talking about it's like how are people watching this and being like oh my god that's my fucking guy that's that's my guy the bloody there was always something that really bothered me about the democratic party that like bernie sanders is the guy leading like all the young

kids to like the fucking revolution and shit and this guy is going to be like fucking 82 years old 84 years old by the time he's done with his first term if he actually was to make it i don't know man that's fuck politicians are real fucking old. Holy shit. Getting into your 80s isn't even like... Is he going to start to get loopy with his mind? It's like... No, he might die of natural causes. Bernie is going to be at an age

where when someone's like, he's that age, you're like, wow, he made it that far. That's pretty impressive. You wouldn't think that he's president. Holy shit. When presidents... If a president died and everybody was like well it definitely wasn't assassination he was 84 like that's how you know you're too old to do it senility doesn't ease in over 20 years it can hit you in like a year year and a half and that's what i worry about with

these guys like you're really gonna put an 80 year old in that's a time bomb reagan yeah that reagan is the kind of guys who could like take a sip of their drink and drop and the secret service wouldn't know if it was poison or if they're just having a fucking stroke like i'm not sure no we determined it was just just sprite yeah. Reagan was really sharp both times he ran for election. But then sometime during his second four years, he was not sharp. And then it was funny. They announced that he had Alzheimer's when he was six or ten months out of office. It's like, oh, right.

He just got it. It just hit him after the term. Dude, the President of the United States had Alzheimer's. Yeah, that's pretty scary do shit for him we're like he would go around the yard rearranging things and they would intentionally fumble the stuff up he rearranged like a couple of guys in suits and earpieces like moving the rocks and benches and then he'd go around and do it again and do it again i don't know anything about do it. That's either something that's real or something that made me laugh.

And so it's probably not. Yeah, we should probably have an age limit on the upper end of this shit too. We got to do genitals, man. And fuck tax returns. Just make all the candidates show their genitals. No one's going to vote for 80 year old balls. Tell me more about this.

Yeah. Are you going to see Elizabeth Warren's fucking beef curtains up there? Are you going to show up for the polls? No yeah are you gonna see elizabeth warren's fucking beef curtains up there you're gonna show up for the polls no you want to see something young and tight that's the new that's the political ad of the 20 i want to see trump's 40 at best erection i want i want to see a strong hard we're also going to control for performance and hunting drugs like blue chew and i want to see a strong surging erection because that's what the world's gonna see yeah you know you think putin's gonna fuck with a guy who's got a huge hard dick i don't think so absolutely not then

we could debate if it's real is that a stunt cock that Trump's got? Do they have injections or implants? Rachel Maddow's on her show. It only looks that big because of his small hands. That would be an advantage. Trump's is going to look bad with that belly. That thing's going to be obscured. It barely penetrates the groin. Yeah, if Biden's been hard in the last three years, I'll eat my hat.

There's no way. There's no way that guy's hard. I don't know. Like, I don't know how you would test the women for it. But you know what? Like, the only fair thing to do is just say women aren't allowed to compete. That is fair. That sounds fair. Sorry. Yeah, that's the fair thing to do is just say women aren't allowed to compete that is fair that sounds fair sorry yeah that's the fair thing sorry you gotta have a dick to to compete in the in the erection

offs you know this is oh i think it is the way to go i think that with the women you you put your two fingers in and see if the gruel does whatever and then you'll know if they're good presidential candidates like the way they test show dogs there's the tester up there we're hitting that point where it's becoming more and more likely that some president or at least presidential candidate will have had like dick pics leaked or something right we're getting to that point the next probably 20 30 years oh yeah move over some of these guys are at the age do you think that beto or buddha judge or castro these young guys you think they haven't slung a dick pick around here there of course they have of course it's a part of growing up in the modern era like we're gonna see it. If the first presidential penis

is leaked, and it's really shitty looking... How important is that for America? Oh, no. That's important for America. You guys have overlooked something. We've already had the first lady nudes. That was a known thing.

Half of that is not even a real human being. So I don't know if the silicon or whatever counts as. Yeah, the plastic to person ratio is getting getting iffy on that one. And also it was like a Playboy thing. So people are writing off like, oh, it was like a. Is that what it was? It was a Playboy thing, right? Like something I heard that.

Yeah, that was Trump pulled us out of the Paris Climate Accords, because if we would have joined he would have had to recycle half of millennia's body so i just mean i just mean that's good yeah we're like we're gonna see one of some fat horrible politician taking it with like the text like you up baby wait that's the kind of thing we're gonna see that first dick pics anthony weiner i would guess where he's headed yeah anthony weiner he sent his I don't know if he got a dick pic it was definitely his dick through his underwear oh yeah and

he sent it to underage girls I think I think I think it was one but it came back twice but yeah he got yeah it was probably not a good idea if I remember right

I hope I'm remembering it right but he was DMing people on Twitter, but he fucked it up and tweeted it. I think that's true. I don't know if that happened or not. I choose to believe it. I'll Google it.

That's so funny. Yeah, there's going to be presidential nudes in our lifetimes. And that's... Actually, unless Tulsi surges and gets elected, I have no interest in those pictures. I don't want to see these geriatrics and their folds. Wiener did publicly send a photo of his own erect penis on his Twitter. What a champion, dude.

Yeah. That fucking rules. I have the story right. Yeah. champion dude yeah that fucking rules i have the story right yeah he he thought that he was dming some girl and oh my god i fucked up and tweeted out his dick oh it must have been really bouncing around all over the place it was concealed by his boxer's breed boxer briefs i'm holding that back but but yeah but no i i saw the pic mean, he's a fucking rock hard cock. He's wearing tight up wieners and he's fit.

He's a fit guy. So I can see why he was using his body to get some Tang. Do people say that? Probably not. Probably 50 years ago, I think. All these children out there getting Tang. I might be crazy, but I feel like tang was like a capri sun knockoff when i was a kid it was well it's short for the monkeys in space yeah yeah yeah okay yeah

the tang short for poo tang you know but you can't say all that nah it's short for i was no i remember i remember thinking i remember specifically asking my mom to get tang at the store because i saw the commercial with a monkey in space drinking it and i thought this is what astronauts drink they said that they were like the official drink of nasa oh well then i wasn't as didn't they what that's true that might explain why we don't have a shuttle program anymore wasn't an effective marketing technique yeah yeah where's tang now not around not around poor tang i don't know surge has made a comeback remember surge that soda had so much caffeine they like had to put warnings on it for kids oh yeah that was

popular when i was in high school i think yeah that was it was popular up until i was like end of grade school and i remember how fucking sick it was when i was a kid i always thought like if i got old if i got like a lot of money i'm gonna buy so much junk food and shit and it's gonna be awesome and then when you get old um you have to fucking watch your fucking weight how shit is that like i'm now i'm like kid me it's like dude go to the store and buy like 12 boxes of zebra cakes and that's your fucking dinner just destroy it all and now i like have to wear the consequences of like anything i eat for the next fucking 12 months i'm not careful i spent the last six months trying to add muscle to increase my metabolism and i don't think i've cut any fat at all that's one of my main reasons i squat so much is because i'm like every bit of muscle i add more calories you can eat more zebra cakes i can burn like and i like you're right i

wasn't a junk food sweets person but as a kid i was like man when i'm an adult pizza and wings every all the time and like at in one year in college probably like my sophomore junior year i fell into that for a couple months where i was just like pizza and wings every night i got fat so fast so so fast that like that like i i was delusional because you know how you get delusional when you're getting fat where like you'll put on a different pair of jeans and be like well these never actually fit so this this isn't an indictment on my my body or my character oh no you have to go out and buy a new pair of like 36 i always or you measure it with your i measure with my belt loops to make sure i'm not getting fat right i should be able to go to the third loop every time

pretty comfortably but then you might have like some weeks where you're like not that bad i think i'm just a little bloated today sodium yesterday the water and yeah what's the fattest all of us have ever gotten to i got to 235 at my hotel my fans six foot oh okay i looked shit though i hadn't i wasn't working out at all so it was all fat weight like just just doughy like terrible how about you dick was the fattest you ever been i was 220 at the beginning of the summer uh i'm 195 now i lost it in a hurry because everyone uh was making fun of me no my my girlfriend started getting really into pilates and i was like oh i'm the fat one now fuck this i don't want to be fred and wilma flintstone uh no nobody wants to go you do want to be fred and wilma flintstone right like

is that not the goal to be king of queens no No. That guy looks horrible. That guy's an asshole. But his wife is way better than him. Not in the later seasons, friend. Okay, okay. We all know women expire at 25. I didn't want to be another Mexican at the beach in the ocean with my shirt on. I had to lose it. What was your fattest? 222, I i think is the highest i've hit okay well damn

i was hoping someone would beat me sorry fat so what's the fattest you ever got to destiny fuck i well now i feel like an asshole for complaining i got up to 165 and i'm 145 i'm a little i'm a little shorter though i'm 5'8 I don't know that my body fat was lower than yours you're big I've always been larger framed how much does your head weigh? that's at least

35 pounds of this shit it's so frustrating because I fall into the same trap as Dick where I'll be like man my head's so frustrating because I fall into the same trap as dick where I'll be like, man, my head is so fat. I'm going to shave some pounds. I, I went from that when I was at my heaviest of 235, like five or six years ago, I just

decided, fuck this. People lose weight all the time. I'm fucking doing it. It's going to be not that bad. I just ate like 1200 calories a day for like three months. I lost weight so fast that people at the job i had at the time were like are you okay like is everything everything good and i'm like yeah man i'm just not eating like an absolute monster anymore and i got down to 170

and at 170 i look i look weird and my head did not get any smile at all at all no no cheek reduction nothing just oh that was that was disappointing my it's not that i can't appreciate all like female body shapes but i appreciate them all the way into like the dangerously thin zone and uh it's i don't know it's are you with me dick are you just making fun of me oh no no no yeah i i remember like jackie in the early she had her tonsils out and she couldn't eat and she was five seven and weighed like 101 maybe i thought it was hot like i was fine with that can you remember tonsils again sometimes i'll start a huge fight just so my girlfriend doesn't eat out of stress that's a good move i always thought it was really

weird have you ever touched like somebody that's like really small like that if you want to like rub their shoulders and touch their back you think there's like no muscle that just you go right through to the bone and it feels very i don't know i i get really creeped out by it but i guess you get all those auschwitz pictures going through your mind yeah something like that you have to reach around and check for the distended belly to make sure she's not about to feed her too much or some shit. Do 5'7", 101. That is teeny. That is not healthy level teeny. Don't say that.

Models aren't healthy. Models aren't healthy? What are they, fitness models? Models are like 5'11", 6 foot plus. 101. 101, 6 feet tall. I had a friend uh like post college for a little bit and

then lost touch because he moved but he was like six four 140 pounds and it i would his body was baffling to look at. Like to see like, to see like an emaciated person put a belt on to where like, then you can see the hip bones on the beginning of their pants because it cinched in so close to their waist. Like I had a weird feeling of like, you got to gain weight. And then also realizing like I was jealous of his situation.

It would be kind of dope to be one of those guys who just doesn't want to eat that much i want to eat a ton of food 24 7 taylor me too are we weirders everyone i ate right before this show three hours and 32 minutes ago i want to eat right now yeah i was actually i was actually good i was on the other end of this when i was in high school i was at 5 8 i weighed 105 pounds i was damn super fun and i actually hated it um i think it was 2012 2013 because i looked like a fucking skeleton my face was like very fucking thin um and i gaining weight when you're at that level is very hard um the first thing that everybody says including me when you're that weight is i can eat anything i just have a really fast metabolism i guess like i eat so much junk food

and like i never gain weight i can eat a whole pizza and then you do the thing where it's like you know they tell you well count your calories and then i find out oh well i actually eat like 1400 calories a day when i eat a whole box of cookies, I just realized I don't eat meals for like a day and a half. Because it's, yeah. And then the process of actually like force feeding yourself to actually gain weight out of that, like dangerously anyways, it's really fucking hard. It's like incredibly difficult because you don't want to eat

and forcing yourself to eat is like a disgusting fucking feeling. Holy shit. Yeah, that's how it was. Like drink weight gain shakes. I know it was, it was like it was junk food like i had to get like really high sugary like double stuffed oreos and shit and i just started like after like normal meals like between it i would always just grab like basically every habit that now i know to avoid gaining weight like don't leave out sweets don't eat like really that and i like i i used

that to gain imagine if i didn't want to eat like i want to eat like a labrador like if you put whatever in front of them they'll just eat until they're dead but if i didn't have that i can imagine the process of eating being really disgusting if i didn't want to eat it would feel like the act of it would feel like kind of like shitting like you're just cramming all this chewed up mulch food into your throat that'd be weird i can see how that there's there's a like i like watching like strong man stuff and like documentaries on youtube and there was this one guy who i don't remember his name but there's like a whole doc about him on youtube and like it showed him doing his he's enormous not a bodybuilder a strong man so just built like a

brick shithouse enormous got that big bodybuilder gut or that big strong man gut that you can still somehow see some abdominal definition and like he was sitting down for a meal breakfast which was like 14 eggs two pounds of turkey bacon and a bunch of asparagus and like the documentarians were like so how do you how do you learn to enjoy the food you have to eat because you food you have to eat? Because you have to eat another meal like this in about 90 minutes. And he's like, it's just the job. I hate every second of this.

I hate every bite. I hate every chew. I hate every – I hate it. If I'm being honest with you, I hate this. It really – it pushes me towards depression. Oh, wow. really it it pushes me towards depression oh wow it was uh it was it was funny uh to to see that where like you would imagine having that much muscle mass being able to eat whatever you want but it's like no you got to eat like and i like when i get like super i go in like waves where

i'll get like super into weight lifting and shit where i'm like really honing my diet and then other times like right now where i'm just an absolute monster and eat anything and like trying to choke down another chicken breast is the worst. Even if you've like tricked yourself into seasoning it in the right way and oh I got buffalo sauce because that's lower calorie than barbecue. I had chicken breast for lunch and dinner

today. Oh it's so boring. It's so boring. George Foreman. I don't care for it. And I used to love those strongman content. My favorite part was when they'd talk about how long it took them to get out of bed in the morning. It took them a while? Oh, yeah, because their bodies are so fucked up. They're beautiful, but their bodies are all torn up on the inside.

They do one leg at a time and then get it going and then bring the other leg over and do all these stretches. Yeah. That belly, Taylor. Because they're dead lifting 1,000 pounds three times a week. It's from human growth hormone, that belly. The weightlifters have it too. They call it bubble belly or something. I forget.

Bubble gut, they call it. And the weightlifters will have ripped abs. The big bubble gut. And it's not attractive. A lot of guys don't like it because it makes the bodybuilders look like freaks. They're like, you know, like Arnold Schwarzenegger, some people would consider him too big and bulky and not what they're going for. But at least you can see it and say that somebody

might want that you know that would be a good physique uh what they have now with the bubble guts is is not hot nobody wants to look like that i'd rather look like one of them than how i look right now guaranteed just be enormous you'd rather look like a bubble gut guy than just a normal guy just a bubble guy all the time with enormous arms and shoulder girdle and big pecs and just knowing you can munch on whatever you want yeah let's see what do you this is okay yeah some of these aren't looking oh wow good i think you're right even that guy's got so much self-tanner on, I can't tell what race he is. That's some Italian guy who made it.

Man, that guy. Okay, I redacted. I redacted that claim. Sometimes these are Photoshopped. But yeah, they've got ripped bubble guts. And it's just the human growth hormone is making the organs inside expand so they just have like awesome ab muscles on top of expanded intestines is hgh does that fuck with your testicles or is that just testosterone i would guess just testosterone i'm not positive um i think i'm outside of my depth here. There's probably some experts listening,

but I think the benefit of HGH is that it makes a lot of your connecting stuff a little stronger, your tendons and your ligaments, and it helps you avoid injury. If you just do testosterone, then you'll break your other shit, I think. Yeah.

Speaking of grotesque physical deformities, I injected saline into my scrotum on the show last week. I highly recommend it. I don't know if you guys have heard of this. Have you ever thought about injecting saline into your balls? Not even once. No. A good leaders, a good pint's worth.

Highly recommend it. It was painful for a bit while it was happening, but I had the time of my life for like two days walking around with what was essentially a small gourd between my legs wait what did you wait did you use like google again no this one's bing no uh it was this do you remember when this dude who was in a muscle pup harem of guys who would inflate their balls with silicone died? We talked about this exact thing on the show. Yep. Okay. I talked about it on my show. Yeah. I talked about it on my show. And a guy who does it, a guy who injected his balls with silicone just for the look of it, was listening and called in.

of it was listening and called in and you know was threatening to give us the saline treatment which is temporary and a lot safer than injecting free silicone into your balls a year later he happens to be in LA and I'm like well I mean fuck it man I said I would do it on the show when you call in do it come on in bring your medical supplies strap an iv strap a saline bag to to the wall behind me and uh let it rip so on wait so you actually injected your nuts with saline so what happens does it just feel like a balloon and your nuts get lost let me jump in right there if you go to bing audience and do an image search on saline scrotum inflating, you'll see hundreds of inflated scrotums. And to be honest, it's not a bad look. You know, like all these scrotums are now a little bit bigger, but the wrinkles are gone.

I just sort of noticed everyone shaving them. Oh, yeah. It almost looks like a boob it it's uh it feels like a boob like i couldn't stop playing with it like a giant like i would claw it day and when anyone wasn't looking and just go like huh that thing's got some real heft to it how long did this last for until it goes away or whatever it lasted let's see the inject the process started at about noon and after they get pumped up i think i only did 100 cc's because the pain was beyond description like it felt like i guess i guess if you do it yourself at home you can find a spot where it's

not painful but if you let another guy do it which i was doing uh they can't really tell where it hurts so i got the worst version of of the injection but i did a hundred hundred hundred cc's and then that's when the swelling starts like at the time there was i had a bunch of artists in here drawing sketches real life sketches of it because i didn't want to take pictures of my balls and put them on the internet um you get a good you get a good two or three times increase at the time but then over like four hours it soaks into all the tissue and the tissue inflames around it like your actual balls swell in the sack by like eight o'clock i had a i had a fucking like a huge mango like a mango a mango that would be wrapped in that white webbing stuff like it was that size it wasn't just a mango that you throw in a bag with other mangoes it's a mango that has a protective layer uh that lasted until

that lasted all night it lasted into the next day the day after that they were mostly deflated um i had to do pilates on monday and i still i like it was it was when i sat down i would have to kind of excavate it out of there and put it between my thighs or else it'd be uncomfortable it lasted for about two days and then it was and then it was sloshy for like no no bullshit it felt like it felt like my nuts had been to a day spa. It was nice and sloshy. They felt more slippery. It felt like a brand new sack in there.

Yeah, it was great. It lasted for a couple days. It kind of eased me back into real life. It kind of sounds like fun, man. I highly recommend it. I highly recommend it. Did you fuck with your giant balls? Oh, God, man. I highly recommend it. Did you fuck with your giant balls? Oh, God, yes.

She, my girlfriend, and I will say this, all women love them. They cannot stop talking about them. They're tripping over themselves to not ask for pictures of it. I've never had that much interest from the opposite sex than when I filled my balls up with saline. That is so fucking funny. My audience has heard a lot of

this before, but I had a testicular torsion when I was 15. I was afraid of that. Your testicle spins inside your scrotum. The vas deferens, I think, it gets tightened Your testicle spins inside your scrotum. I twist them. The vas deferens, I think.

It gets tightened and it doesn't get the blood supply. Big thing. Anyway, so they rushed me to the hospital. They untwisted it. Everything was cool. And I had to put gauze under my ball sack for two weeks. And I also had to wear loose clothes. So I'm like back in high school. And it's not that it made your dick bigger it's just that the gauze kind of put it on a

pedestal like it it took your junk and now it's being presented on a shelf it's like a push-up bra for your dick thank you it's like a push-up bra for your dick. Thank you! It's like a push-up bra for your dick. And I'm not wearing jeans or anything tight like that. I'm wearing sweatpants. So I just got sweatpants and a push-up bra for my dick strutting around the hallways of Ocean City High. It was a good time.

Man, if it weren't for the horrific first part of this show, then it might seem worthwhile. I like my testicles staying right and left. Just basic bitch, my balls. I don't even want to put saline in them, even though the way you described it

does sound... I know you do. You're lying. It seems painful. How do you know how far to put the needle in? I don't know. I just let the guy do it. It was in way further than I thought it would be. I just kind of thought it would be like i like i imagined okay i could feel my own scrotum skin it's not that thick like just half of that and once you pop it in you just pump it in but this guy was just like going and going and going oh man you're just gonna come out the other side if

you keep pushing it in like that oh man that is and then it starts dripping and you know that's like the pressure you can watch it just start drip drip drip drip drip drip like going faster and faster i feel like an idiot but i always sort of thought there was kind of a wall in the middle right no there's not it's just keeping them separated or whatever yeah no they're pretty well behaved they stay in their own area they don't need a wall generally yeah i never thought there was a wall in my in my nutsack well wait you might think there's one i might be revealing way more about myself than i mean to but like because it doesn't it look like it's like kind of stitched up in the middle yeah yeah so it looks like you could think that maybe they're like two halves and there's like a guy in the middle that

kind of keeps them separated but right a little traffic flow and and there's like a guy in the middle that kind of keeps them separated. Right. A little traffic flow. And there's a minor stitched in place so that they can't move around and I can't have a repeat injury. So, like, I don't know. Maybe normal balls you could even put the right one on the left side and prove that there's no wall. But that's not something I'm capable of doing. I've said it on the show even recently that, like, when I was, like, 10, I thought the balls were just free floating down there and so i like crossed them once i was like that's neat and then i tried to cross them again oh not in the original place and the pain was so sudden so sharp and like that i was like okay well lesson learned you know have you guys ever talked about disappearing balls my dog had that i don't

think so is that when they go up in your body yeah they're way more free-flowing than i thought i remember my uh my ex uh wife the first girl my real high school girlfriend or like the long-term first real relationship um you know we did everything we learned all the shit and when she was um jerking me off you're like hey it feels really good when you squeeze the balls and you know she's a girl what does she do you know real aggressive and you know as she's going after it she's like oh um this is weird it's like different and i'm like what do you mean it's like i don't know it's like you only have one ball and i reached out i was like what and i i was so i don't know if you know what it's like to reach down and be missing a fucking testicle but it was i am i was very

afraid because i was like this is not possible i don know how I could – a ball is just as good. And, yeah, I guess sometimes they go – if you push them too hard, they kind of go up in to take breaks. Is this a thing that happens to all guys? You can do it right now. I can't. Mine are fixed. They're sewn in.

Oh, wait. Because of the surgery? Yeah, as part of the surgery, they put them in place, and they sew them there, and there they stay. Okay. I have adopted like a whole move when I'm getting any hand job, blow job or whatever of just doing like a Vulcan thing and splitting my cock just because I'm so like she's always pressing exactly like you're describing into the wrong, like the exact wrong spot on my balls. the wrong, like the exact wrong spot on my balls. So I'm trying to always

putting a cattle, what are those things in front of a train down there to keep them out of that. A cow or something, right? Can we, okay. At the risk of projecting too much together, can we, is everyone else? I don't know. I said cow killer. That's not what it's called.

It is absolutely ridiculous, right, when a woman grabs just like the very base of your dick and is like jerking it up and down this does this feel like anything to you guys it feels like i'm upset that i'm not getting a better hand job but i know what you're talking about yeah it's a very where she's just like dude she's like yeah do you oh yeah do it yeah it's like least sensitive why don't you do it yeah like something like this would be like me rubbing like your pubis and like asking if i'm hitting your clit like i'm not really getting anything from this at all i don't know what you expect me to say right now yeah

yeah that's i mean those those high school handies you get you know it's it's a learning curve for everybody they'd be perfect if they stayed in high school but somehow they creep into your 20s and 30s too you you know, depending on who you're with. And then you're wondering, how did the last guy tolerate this? Well, no, that's why you know he was the last guy. Maybe not. The worst experience you'll ever have when you date in your 30s,

the worst experience you'll ever have is you feel like there's no normal, sane people to date anymore. And then every now and then, you'll run into like a woman, and I'm sure women experience this with men. You run into it when you're like, holy shit, I found a unicorn. You're attractive.

You're smart. You're awesome. You're so cool. How are you fucking single? And then you're with her for two weeks and you're like, oh, you're fucking crazy. And then you always find it. You always find the thing. Maybe you wake up and you have 87 missed text messages.

You know, maybe she shows up after the second time you fucked and she's got like a suitcase with her out of nowhere. Like there's always something that makes dating in your 30s impossible. Oh, my God. Are you actively trying to date right now? Or are you dating someone? Yeah, well, I have a girlfriend now, but she's like fucking 21. Because, you know, there you go.

Streamer lifestyle, I guess. Hell yeah. Compromises, I guess. he's been dating for six years you can do that you do the drake move where you date him oh well she's legal you know she's 18 you know i knew it since she was 12 not me that's the drake story okay that's the drake there was that uh there was some story that got put out on Twitter from some rag, and it got removed because everybody was roasting him so hard. It was like this gay couple where they're like, we're an intergenerational couple. I'm 55.

He's 22. People think we're weird. But ever since we met seven years ago, we started, and it was like, what? You put that in the article? Why would you do that? Every time you read the Reddit relationship, there's like a relationships help advice that would be like,

oh, my problem, me and my boyfriend. And there's like a 20-year age gap. The first thing you're always like, when did they start dating? What are they starting? Like, 22 dating a 32-year-old started dating one year ago. Oh, okay. You know, 23 started dating a 37-year-old. Started dating seven years ago.

Hmm. Something is not right here. Yeah. Well, he was my history teacher. Yeah. And we went from there. Yeah.

That shit's not cool. Maybe he was a libertarian, I guess would be the, he was, he was like, explain to me, we've talked about the non-aggression principle enough. I want to know about not being able to bang young kids.

That's the real thing that this country needs to deal with. It used to be pot. I always thought the number one topic for libertarians was pot. That was, I think it used to be, it used to be sensible. Yeah. But now everybody's on the same page with pot for the most part.

Even my, my old grandparents, like from a very, very rural area are like, just they just don't care it's like yeah like we saw how much money colorado is making from it may as well legalize it so we're not getting taken advantage of everyone like jeff sessions was he brought back all the enforcement on it okay well renaming the most extreme like right wingers like literally the last guy to be in charge of it yeah how could you like expend that much energy to be against pot

like it it reminds me of the it reminds me of the titty thing the what thing? the titty thing where it's like dude like if a woman wants to go on shore who the fuck cares why is this your problem so much like the weed thing man

you can't I am so. I'll sit across the table from my mom. We'll be out at a restaurant, okay, if I go down to Florida Visitor. She'll be sipping on a fucking margarita telling me like, well, you know, you know, Stevie, the problem with weed is you can't just have, you know, one hit, you know, you get addicted to it and it's so bad for your body, you know, it's like, Jesus

fucking Christ, like, just fucking kill me now, like, holy shit. Yeah, I'd rather have more people high than drunk out in public. And everyone agrees. I'd rather have people on any other drug than alcohol. You wake up from just a... I live in the Midwest. Let's keep meth out of it. Yeah, meth.

The fentanyl shit. Having to walk into a rural Phillips 66 where there's a tweaker like right by the door it's a scary experience you can't head down you just like act the way you do around a feral dog just hope that they don't get fixated on you as they're like talking to themselves or if you come to california or la more specifically we have whole cities um built with tents for these people to live in so you gotta bring walked by them? You drive by them. There's underpasses. I don't know where in LA

specifically, but you can drive by just certain underpasses. You'll just see they're lined with tents of where almost people live. I guess it's pretty fucking weird. Why do they choose those spots? Because it's warm and no rain. Is there any near shelters?

What is it called where they hand out the food? Food soup kitchen? Soup kitchen is what I was looking for. Are they convenient to free food? In a place like LA, you probably make enough begging. You can probably pay for food, we might guess. They are insane, too.

Sometimes. I've been to LA a bunch of times. That's right. Crazy people follow you and you're like it's almost like what are you gonna do with this guy you just institutionalize him and like take care he can't take care of himself the worst fucking thing that came out recently are these goddamn fucking airpods okay when i'm walking down the street and some guy yes okay i'm walking down the street and some guy just starts fucking shouting.

I'm like, Oh shit. It's a fucking homeless guy. Not anymore. More often than not. It's some dude talking on his fucking AirPods. I can't tell the difference sometimes. So now sometimes we're going to the street and some guy be like,

Oh, I fucking hate this fucking bullshit. I'm like, Oh, some dude on his AirPod. It's a fucking crazy homeless. Yeah. It's really weird.

Those AirPods and people are talking to themselves, walking up the street. It's really hard to see who has them. That's kind of related you don't know and minor noise of blame yeah homeless people are very frightening at least where i'm from where like they it seems like they could go off at any second not here they're out they're like our most vulnerable people probably everywhere everywhere. They can be that, but also simultaneously. Deadly. What I'm describing. You'll walk by someone. I remember walking. I used to live in the city. More downtown.

Walking down the road at night and you'd see a guy ahead of you talking to himself. And then you'd be like, that's weird. Maybe he's on his phone. Like what you said. And then you get closer and realize he's like freestyling rap and then be like, Oh,

this, this is, this is a crazy person. Yeah. This is crazy. The holes in the pants. Really? This guy is halfway into another dimension.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel really bad for him, but also it's like, i guess we just gotta reopen mental hospitals right people always talk about like if like the holocaust were to happen again like we'd stop it in time you know blah blah blah um i always thought that like being in the united states and i especially feel this now that i live in la when i travel to san francisco or or Seattle, I always feel like walking around and seeing somebody that is like legit mentally ill, because I think it was Woody that said it, mental illnesses are like, it's two to

three times overrepresented in homeless populations. Like having mentally ill people wandering around the streets, like screaming at themselves and like being crazy is one of the most fucked up things I think in the United States. Like, I think it's worse than school shootings. Like, it's like you every day Thousands of people or in LA tens or maybe even hundreds of those people driving by walking by just like legit insane people that live on Our streets that's pretty fucking crazy to me. Yeah Yeah, it is pretty fucking mad

Yeah They're like the when we put spikes in the ground so that they can't lay in front of that's to add insult to injury any place you could sit in LA I used to take the subway downtown every day from Hollywood and it was every you'd have to stand up all the time no matter what because every single thing that could possibly be a seat either has

some kind of rivet or bolt weird fucking yeah just so the homeless people can't sit down could you bring a pad and make it better? You have to sit on homeless people. Oh, shit. That could be like a business, Woody. Making very cheap and affordable

molds that adopt to the anti-sit things you could sell to homeless people. Homeless people. I thought my market was dick. I do. All your business is cash, okay? So no fucking taxes. You make the supplies cheap and affordable

because the city would probably adopt to new shit so you'd have to be able to sell new shit. They can go and beg for money. Are you tired of sleeping on spikes and there's some befuddled homeless guy? It's like, try the hobo buddy. Lay it on anything and it shows them sleeping on people's porches

and I don't know if you've seen these like gardeners will have like foam pads they bring around so that they don't have their knees on the ground which can be uncomfortable like why not just have like four times the size of that and you can sit anywhere you want the insanity again

okay okay I don't care if they're insane. I only care if they have $18 or $19.95. $19.95. Three easy payments. Well, being homeless would suck ass. Yeah. Two thumbs down to being homeless.

What if it's van life? I do not want to live in a van i know you you try and talk up the pros of van life all the time it's living in a van is awesome if it's your choice it's not good if it's your last resort what do you guys doing it as a last yeah he's a van life is this like a midlife crisis on the horizon or, we've been doing crisis since the start. We're at a three-quarter life crisis. There's a couple of guys in my universe that, one, actually has a house, but he has a van that he travels in. So it's just like his traveling vacation.

I don't know. It's how he likes to do it. And there's another guy who actually lives in his van right now although he could afford a house he just likes not having roots for a bit and uh it's maybe been two years and he just lives the van life oh yeah where does he shit you'd have to be like a non-stinky person to do that right like some people just kind of don't stink or don't sweat I'm not one of those people but they might be as I think about it

and the answer Taylor they almost all do the planet fitness thing apparently planet fitness is just about everywhere and of course they have showers and bathrooms and stuff like that so they go they hit the gym they shower up and they're ready for their day that's so depressing they're ready for going into a planet fitness hearing a lunk alarm go off as you're brushing your teeth that fucking suck dude

life sounds awful like you could like if you don't have a home, a home-based shit, what's life even living? I hear you. I don't know. You could argue the other way. Someone might say having to be somewhere all the time, like working Monday through Friday, 8 to 6 or whatever it is you do. Your whole life is have to do. You're trying real hard

to both sides this one, Woody. I don't know if you're going to win the other ones. And then the other part of it is the van life where it's like your whole life is one to do. You can do whatever you want. You get to choose your schedule. You wake up in front on the side of a mountain with the Grand Canyon underneath you and you know, which

one's the awful life? can imagine you can't like wear a cape if you're in a van the hell i can't if you wear a cape and you have a home people are like ah he's just doing a funny thing but if you're in a van you're getting committed man slide the door open and run out yeah Yeah. That's a good government program. Give all of the homeless capes. It keeps them warmer and it gives a little laugh to the rest of us. Seeing them in fucking capes.

Well, which one of you has to leave at two hours? I forgot. I'm in San Diego and I have like three things going on today, so I did need to leave about 15 minutes ago. Was that more Chiz lies? Poor fucking Chiz.

I hope he thinks it's as funny as we do. I hope so too because I love Chiz. I hope not. I'm not being funny. I mean it. You are being funny though because I think it's funny. It's truthful. We totally believe it. Well, Dick, I hope you come back on.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll have more material about Chiz when I do. Everyone on Reddit, tell me what Chiz bag has fucked up. That's time coming on. So that piece of shit gets his day in court i had a great time destiny i had fun talking to you you're a very funny guy let's never talk about politics again i thought that too i was like we're we're bending fences here don't go there's don't go crazy woody get your cape off. There are certain types of people that take politics very personally.

I'm not one of them. There are a lot of people that I can disagree with and a lot of shit and hate them to death on some political views, but for the most part, I don't give a fuck.

It's not one of those things. It's not a ride or die thing. Destiny has never tricked me into talking to him. Destiny, I do want to know, though. I do have to ask you, do you care about the negative effects of illegal immigration on black people? Yes or no? Did Jesse Lee Peterson ask you to ask this directly? Yes or no? I just need to know. I love black people. I love black people. I love black people. I just need to know if you care.

Alright. Taylor, are there any post-calls? No, I didn't get my answer. No. Now I'm waiting four hours for that. Woody, do you care about the negative effects of illegal immigration on black people? Yes. That's the only thing amazing amazing yeah uh wait you personally show you 100 could get jesse lee peters another show

i'll give it a shot i like i think he's hilarious i can't like that one or two hours you guys could get him it would be fucking would he roll with this this kind of shit you would roll with fucking anything that dude is one stroke away from a fucking insane we should get him on get jesse you know what he would come on if you tell him that uh you got somebody who would argue with him he would come on he loves arguing with people i'll pretend to believe anything that it takes. He really does. Apparently we're not about tricking people to come on the show. Actually, on the show, P.K., there's a communist named Taylor who loves the bad effects on black people from immigration. Except I have to bone up on my marks and I'll be good to go. I got to shove half a pizza in my mouth now. I'm going to also go overeat and hate myself afterwards.

I'm going to go to sleep and call it a win day where maybe I burn more calories than I ate. You lucky duck. Alright. That's the show. Thanks for coming on, guys. This was a very funny episode. P.K.A. You can see my podcast at fuckchiz.com

Right, we.com Right. We forgot the... Right. Fuckchiz.com. Any social media? I also find Destiny on Twitch and all his shit. Yeah, I'm Destiny on Twitch, Destiny on Instagram, Destiny on YouTube, whatever. Follow my shit.

You know me. Dick? Anything? Dick.show. Or fuckchis.biz chis.fun thanks chis like chis is might be a member of the queer community.com chisbag.info all right 458