Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #461

Episode Date: October 25, 2019

In this week's PKA, this week's show... we got another 5 man powerhouse, Ed of VINwiki has returned, always great and he's joined with Rob "Rabbit" Pitts, to share funny and great car-related stories from their lives over the years and Kyle goes into detail about his dyslexic case manager screwing things up. 

pka 461 two guests ed and rob kyle yeah a couple sponsors tonight we got goat.com and postmates we'll talk about them later on in the show of course but yeah got our car selling buddies on here and i think this should be interesting of them i said buddies no i'm excited that that was me being excited oh i see i thought that only one ed like figure existed on this earth, but there are two. Okay. I'm kind of like Ed's southern unruly cousin. I'm that guy that you want to come to the family reunion, but you want to keep the booze away from him. I feel like you're the voiceover for like a Southern Whiskey company.

You know, that might be a good idea. Dude, if you were born 50 years earlier, you could have made a killing in the cigarette industry. Well, the Marlboro Man was my childhood hero, you know. He just evolved into him. So, yeah. Two car guys. Something they don't tell you about car guys? Tech savvy.

I don't know if you realize or not, but that's kind of what we do. Me and Ed, we talk computer jargon nonstop. All the bits and the bytes. The internet. The RAMs.

Graphics card, RAM, bits, screens. We know the internet. The RAMs. The clips, all that stuff. Graphics card, RAM, bits, screens. We know the RAM. Ed, we had you on a little while back. Rob, you're brand new. Ed, have you done anything else absolutely ridiculous recently? Because I remember you having just a litany of stories of nonsense you've been into.

We just got back from another cheap car cannonball where I was supposed to drive a replica of the Transcon Medivac that was in the 1981 movie. But unfortunately, it broke down as the one in the real movie did in real life. And so we had to buy a Lexus seven hours before departure on Facebook Marketplace and drive it across the country. And we made it, put some tires on it, wiper blades, topped off the fluids, and 35 hours later we were in L.A. How much was the Lexus? Can I ask?

Is that in polite? Of course. This guy's granddad had given it to him, and he didn't care to own it. It was blue on blue leather with blue tinted windows, and it was as grandpa spec as you could ever imagine. It came with a blue top hat and a giant rainbow overcoat. I'm reaching a certain age where grandpa specs are just regular cars. Well,

you know, there's a time and a place for it. So it was a 92 LS 400 and it was 2,200 bucks. And I think I talked him down to $1,500. And there's a guy who was coming with us as the third driver who does cosplay as Captain Chaos. And he decided he really wanted to own this Lexus. And so rather than me buying it, he bought it and has since driven it 10,000 more miles around the country. Well, have you seen what Captain Chaos dailies? You've seen the Civic he drives. The Lexus is definitely an upgrade.

It is. It is. He somehow Ubers, though. And I know neither car. Does he just lie? Does he have tow trucks now? There's no way he's driving that Civic around. It doesn't make sense.

But, no, he's a great guy. And so the guy that owns the ambulance and had been building it for the last 14 years, and this was his end game, was getting it across the country, didn't actually make it to the start either. So we brought one of the camera guys along, and the three of us made it across. We ended up in third place out of, I think, 29 cars this year. So supposed to be the last running of one of these old car, cheap car cannonballs. So no real plan.

You're not going to end on a third place. Well, this was... There's nothing wrong with bronze. Quit giving them a hard time. Now it's just a whole lot more for fun. We got the record. We'll just leave it there. Now we just go out and have a crazy road trip.

Nice. How do you avoid tickets? You have a strategy? Or do you just charm? If you're going to avoid tickets i know we've talked but like you have a strategy or do you just charm well if you're gonna avoid tickets driving a grandpa spec lexus is a great way to start because they don't uh it doesn't look like rob's corvette flying by i mean it's a very different different persona on the road but it was it actually drove pretty well had a real bad power steering line but you're just going straight most of the time. So that's not that big of a deal. It would do, we got up to 137 miles an hour once, but normally you're just cruising 90, a hundred and out in the middle of nowhere, middle of the night. That's not that big

of a deal. Yeah. That's awesome. I think that'd be really fun to do, but it's got to get exhausting. I feel like when you first start, everybody's pumped and excited and the adrenaline's going, it's like, we're going to, we're going to break a record. And then by like 30 hours in, when you're not even in California yet, you're just like, never again. Right? Never again. I just shat in a diaper. Never again. Right, boys?

And when you get about two-thirds across the country, it's boring driving and you're exhausted. Right? It's just flat. There's nothing to see. You're in what? The desert yes it's a rough place it is but you know at this in an event like this at the very least you're entertained by the constant feed of other people breaking down and so most of the cars were engaged in some form of calamity constantly. One guy did 103 hours in an old suburban, did a roadside head gasket

change. 103 hours? We'd all well been home by the time. I could take a Greyhound bus faster than that. Oh yes, absolutely.

What you guys should do is the Kramer challenge from Seinfeld, where you just see how far you can drive below the empty line in a given car. Who can get the furthest? We did have some running out of gas happen, for sure.

Cars are amazing. You took a 1992. Most of the things in my life are consumer grade, right? All around me, it's just consumer grade bullshit. Things that break if you drop them or don't work like they're supposed to. You buy a, is it 27 years old? Incalculable. A very, very old Lexus.

And then you just hop in it and you race across the country at over 100 miles an hour oftentimes. And it works it works without complaint that thing just you can switch drivers it would have gone back maybe it there are many things in my life as good as cars the jack let me interject real products because i know what he was just talking shit on crappy consumer products but we're a pro china podcast we are not about to get cancelled. We're whatever stance YouTube is at the moment. How do you say something so brave yet so courageous?

We bow down to our Chinese overlords. So well. And of course, it's a Japanese car, but that also works. The fastest crossing ever of a Japanese car, best as we can tell, 35 hours hours 55 minutes but that's the thing there's another prominent YouTuber Matt Farah the smoking tire that just hit a million miles in a similar Lexus LS 400 so they are known for longevity admittedly

it wasn't my first choice if I'm going to drive across the country I want to do it in something a bit more interesting than that. I had spent the morning low-balling sellers of old Rolls Royces planning to dress as the Sheiks. From Cannonball Run. Brilliant. I couldn't get any of them bought

that day. Most of the people bought for wedding getaway cars and then realized we now own an old derelict Rolls Royce. And it would not have made it across undramatically, but it would have been nice to pull out and park it on it. For sure.

I keep getting a vision of this with a Rolls Royce. And the first thing that pops in my head, I don't want to butt in, but didn't Doug ride with you guys? No, they were in Monte Carlo until Denver and then they broke. Because Doug's kind of got the tan. Like a little midget chic. It'd be cute. It would be cute.

He would hop out and be like, it's a mini me. The new style this fall, midget chic. Midget chic. They're too small for you. That's wonderful. They prefer dwarves. Dwarf chic. After many complaints, we've changed to dwarf chic.

So does everyone take the same route? It sounded like you were getting to see people break down. They decided, oh, this is the path of least resistance, and they're kind of on the same highway for the most part. The most traditional route is to come down through St. Louis and then go across I-40. That's the only way that was available in the 1970s, which is kind of what we're paying homage to. Now it's actually a little bit faster to go the northern route along 80, as long as your car makes enough power to deal with the altitude. So you just kind of stay and then come down through Vegas.

So we've generally done the 40 route just because it's the one I'm most familiar with and it's easier on the cars. You get a bunch of big wide open States if you go North, but it's not, uh, it's not quite, if you break down, it's a whole lot harder to find a tow truck. Yeah. I was going to say, I've driven across from, um, from Atlanta to Seattle and and back before and when you're driving through idaho do whatever the fuck you want you could be in a in a super fucking alcohol burning funny car and and nobody's gonna notice if you're breaking mach 2 out on those highways it's you can be cooking meth in idaho on the side of the road and nobody cares they don't there's we were driving through idaho and we were we were just in my uh my four-door chevrolet uh silverado and we'd driven for 40 minutes without seeing a single car going 90 and i was like let's pull over and do something fun there's nobody out here it's this is a rare you know i'm from out here there's people every fucking where traffic's crazy i'm in atlanta by

the way and so we pull over i get up on the hood of the Silverado facing forward and pull my arms back and I can grab like under the top of the hood. And I'm like, I look back and nod to my cousin and we're going 90 and we're going 90. I'm just on the hood riding out there. We've got a video of it somewhere, but it's just like, it's really fucking fun to be on the hood of a car going 90 miles an hour down the highway. And I figured if there's a cop coming, we'd see him, but I'm not getting off. It's like, like you know some hillbillies coming by you could get out of that easily because all you do is you're passing the cop is go help help and then and then they'll stop him and you're you know they're gonna give you cocoa in a warm blanket

i thought they'd never stop oh these monsters, they pretend to know who I am. They looked at my whole pack story where I live. I did learn recently that the great state of Arkansas is a terrible place to speed. We were doing a rally a couple of months ago from Nashville to Vegas and went through Arkansas. And not long after I got into the state, I guess we passed a state trooper going the other direction. I was driving a Ferrari that I had purchased the week before and they, with another Ferrari behind me and a Porsche. And I guess we passed him going like 115 miles an hour, but it was like a guardrail thing. So he couldn't have turned around, but I guess he radioed ahead to

this friend cop that was at a rest area, not far ahead of us. And so we get up on him and we'd slow down at that point. But he pulls out in front of us, turns his lights on, and we immediately and obediently pull over. But then he jumps out of his car, jerks my door open, pulls me out of the car and immediately handcuffs me. And again, we weren't violating anything at that point. I'm like, hey, what's going on? And he's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I'm like, just driving to Dallas with some friends. And it's like, well, why did you just pass a state trooper going 110?

If you say we did, it goes a lot faster than that. And he's just freaking out. But he's a really young cop. So he's getting other handcuffs, handcuffing everybody else. My wife is in the passenger seat, freaking out, as you would imagine, but fortunately with her camera phone present. We keep them

talking. People always say, don't talk to cops if you get pulled over. Don't talk to cops about what you were just doing. Do talk to the cops as much as you can about them, their personal lives. Don't incriminate yourself though. Exactly. Yeah, you're not incriminating

yourself. The more that they sell you, the more likely you are to have a better outcome. He calls everybody. There's like four different types of law enforcement officers on the road. This guy's in like a parachute outfit. I don't understand it.

They called the National Guard. These Ferraris speeding through Arkansas was not to be tolerated. And so I'm like, okay. We're in handcuffs on the side of the road just walking around talking to these guys for like 30 minutes. And all the other participants that were behind us, because we were

kind of the front pack of this rally, some pulled into the rest area and they they're like peeking through the trees, watching us. Some just kind of creep on by in one or two. But it was crazy. And they were very nice eventually. We found that this guy, the cop that had gotten so upset and put us in handcuffs was like six months on the force. And so he had probably gotten a radio call saying, you know, you got these speeding Ferraris, you're about to gotten a radio call saying, you know, you got these speed and Ferraris. You're about to have a high speed chase, you know,

get your big boy pants on to get, you know, get ready to go. You're in a rally. You couldn't have gone with dude, this Ferrari's all over you. Sure. It was me.

But this is the thing, Ed, because you don't look like that guy. So can you imagine when he pulled you out of the Ferrari? He's like, shit, I got the world's fastest accountant. Carry on. You don't look like the bandit.

Yeah, teardrops, everything. No. And so we kept him talking. Eventually, he's like, all right, all right, I'm just going to give you guys a – we're just going to give you all reckless driving tickets, but we're not going to take you to jail. Well, okay, thank you, I guess. How about we just do also not the reckless driving tickets?

And I was like, ah, no, no, it's fine. You know, we just, you'll, you'll just pay it online. Well, the next day we'd call a lawyer and he's like, oh no, it's a minimum of five days in jail if you get reckless driving. And I'm like, well, they didn't tell us that. And I mean, we've not that we probably could have done much in the moment. So I had to hire this lawyer to go out there and, you know, show up on my behalf. And they talked it down to some disobeying a sign or something.

You know, city or that spot. No, it was a negligent operation. Negligent operation, which I don't even know what it is, but doesn't result in any points in the state of Georgia, thankfully. But you know, thinking really, though, the five days in prison, if we could get at least two good YouTube videos out of that, it would almost be... I mean, could you imagine Ben Wickey live from lockup

in Arkansas? Kind of a tentpole topic here on the show. That's hilarious. I would love to see you guys in prison. In jail, I guess, not prison. You're not making me feel comfortable the way you said that. I would love to see you guys in prison. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'd love to see our fellow co-host in prison too.

I want to shut my laptop right now. It's really freaking me out. I'm having a stranger danger moment. They put you in the county jail, and that's much worse than prison. That's what I've heard. Yeah, that's much worse than prison. I's what I've heard. Yeah, yeah. That's much worse than prison. I've been hung out there often, but that's what I've heard, too.

Are they not impressed when they're like, man, what are you in for? And you're like, well, I do a YouTube channel. I actually have a Ferrari impounded right now. I said, well, target on your back. They did say if we had to serve it, you could serve it like a day or two at a time. And I was like, that's convenient. Even worse though. And they also said with overcrowding,

it could be days only. Like you don't have to spend the night, which I don't really understand. I guess you just go pick up the trash. Dude, that's how super rich people go to prison. Like that lady who admitted that she spent like a million dollars getting her kid into some school that she wasn't at all prepared for. Should be legal. They're like, well, you got to spend six weeks in prison at your convenience.

Just whatever you get around to. Wednesday doesn't work for me. All right. Well, then when does? Got a pencil you in for next Saturday, our legal system is so fucking fun. I'm sure like every country is like this, but being able to go like 130 miles an hour and then the cop who saw you do it be like,

actually, this is more like loitering. You just paid that ticket. You mentioned that on these cross country trips, cars, I'm sorry, power is a limiting factor. The car's power. You just can't hit. You mentioned that on these cross-country trips, power is a limiting factor. The car's power.

You just can't hit top speed? Or the jet won't go as fast as you need it to? I'm a low-lying East Coaster here. Well, when you have thin air at altitude, especially if you have a naturally aspirated car, you're going to lose 30%, 40%, 50% of the power. And especially in some of the big high plane States, you've got crosswinds that'll move your car off the road. I mean, you'll see tractor trailers laying on their side. So we did it 2016 or 17 in a 1995 Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham

limousine. And we were going to San Francisco that year. and I bought it from a raging alcoholic two or three days prior to departure because the Audi I'd planned to take broke. I love that detail. I don't know what's more surprising about that story, an alcoholic owning a Cadillac limo or the Audi breaking. I bought it in a Walmart parking lot. You know that guy woke up one morning, and he's like, man, I hope I didn't text anyone anything silly. I bought some of my best cars from a Walmart parking lot. You know, I made some good deals there. You make me want to buy more cars.

He had bought it years prior for his van to tour in, and it was an absolute piece of garbage, but it was roomy and comfortable at the very least, but it had no power. Uh, that was that, um, LT4 motor, I think. And it was, it was, uh, it was garbage, but we made it and in like 38 hours, but it was, it was good fun. And we encountered the circumstance in which we're talking about no power and terrible aerodynamic efficiency. Hey, have you ever seen one of those GTM supercars, the kit car that you can build,

the Corvette drivetrain? What's your opinion on those? Because I was thinking about building one. Well, so they can be awesome, or given the fact they're built in people's garages, they can be utter rubbish. So we had a guy who did a SLC, which is a very similar concept. It's a super light car that is there. There are race car chassis that you can make street legal due to being self-constructed cars. But it's, you know, that's just what's happening. Yeah.

I'm looking at the SLC right now. Oh, this is even cheaper. Huh? Cause I was looking, I was going to be close to 40 K on a building the, the GTM,, this is even cheaper. Huh? Cause I was looking, I was going to be close to 40 K on a building the, uh, the GTM, but this looks even cheaper. I can't remember what he said. He ended up in within it. A lot of it just depends on how nice of an LS motor you end up putting in them. I mean, you can get one out of a suburban and it'll do just fine. Cause they don't

weigh anything, but, uh, you just got to check your state laws for self-constructed vehicle rules and it'll, uh, and it's, it's very possible. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about doing one of those. I But you just got to check your state laws for self-constructed vehicle rules. And it's very possible. Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about doing one of those. Just find a Corvette that's been totaled out but still has decent drive. Even though I got to piece together three or four destroyed Corvettes or whatever, you know. You only really need gearbox and motor. And most of the time you swap it to a Porsche G50 gearbox. It's just the one that

mates well with an LS and does rear mount better. So there's, I mean, infinite internet forums and this guy did it in Minnesota and found the vehicle titling there to be quite easy. It's very easy in Florida, very easy in Louisiana. There's a few other states that make it easy. Georgia is kind of so-so. Okay. Yeah. My dad and I have restored and rebuilt a few hot rods, like, you know, the 55 Chevrolets and 67 Camaros and a lot of stuff like that. Now you're talking Rob's language. Yeah, yeah.

Fun stuff. So I'm pretty familiar with doing all that. I can do paint and body and drive train work. Rob was doing that in high school. Yes. Exactly. While you were playing with your computers, I was playing

with old cars. He was looking up facts about cars on Internet Explorer. MySpace albums. Especially if you're not a car guy, you glance at that thing and it looks like a six-figure supercar.

Oh, yeah. It does. It looks outrageous. I'm not a medium car guy at best. I would assume that it's my weakness. I'm the one who doesn't know about the greatness of the SLC. Well, there aren't that many of them. I think he said there were only maybe 40 or 50 of them that were completed.

I think they've sold a couple hundred of the kits, but there aren't that many that have. So the real thing to do is to find someone who's at the halfway point two years ago and hasn't touched it. And then you pick that up. That's it. Yeah. Cause this guy built one and then found out that there was a guy that was 20% in, literally a block away from his house, like a strong golf shot down the street.

And he never knew this until he started driving his around the block. And this guy comes out just furious that he was even possible to finish the car. So much thinking he was so mechanically inclined but uh you know it's there there are guidebooks for these types of things but it took him he estimated the hours and it was a lot but i mean he did it in less than a year by himself yeah yeah all those projects end up to end up like that you know just just we uh we bought a 55 chevrolet and as soon as we got like there were like three different generations of body restoration on it it's like oh look that's

fiberglass and sand some more look bondo is that lead did they fix these dents with lead and you keep going a little farther are those welds did they solder this car back and finally we find out that's not even one car it's two cars that have been welded together we have two cars you got to think about it in 60 years what that car has seen yeah you know what i mean i mean that's not that's not out of the question for old cars people drove they were harder on things than we are now roads were worse wrecks were worse the thing that tickles me is how people talk about how strong old cars are like in wrecks all things built like a tank have you ever seen a crash

test of an old car stuff like a damn newspaper and everyone dies exactly and you know it's got a collapsible steering column great it spears you like a fish super that's a great one you know no dash pads big sharp dials and knobs i mean it's all sheet metal it's all fucking sheet the dash of that thing is a death zone yeah you die like a man in that it's like a car like i saw one of those clips where they use some slingshot with a crash test dummy in the front seat of both and they like fire a new car at an old car and they're both going. And like, if you were to stop at one frame before I'm like, I guarantee that old heavy metal thing is going to absolutely smash that

Hyundai Elantra or whatever. And then it's the exact opposite. At the end of it, the Hyundai guy looks like he'd survive. And the other guy has a head that glances off the top of the Hyundai. It's like, that's terrible. They used to the Hyundai. It's like that. Terrible.

They used to use, if you watch the old crash tests that are from the 60s and stuff, they used pigs. They would put a pig carcass in there. And you might think, oh, if we go and find a dead pig, what a waste of bacon. No, no, no, no. They drug a live pig. That's hysterical. They drug a live pig and throw him in there because they want him to react like a live pig. That's hysterical. They drug a live pig and throw him in there because they want him to react like a living organism. So he's in there.

You know at some point one of them was like, Oh, fuck. At exactly the wrong time. What? Chevrolet. Oh, no. 9 out of 10 drugged pigs prefer Ford I misunderstood what you

you said they drugged a pig right yeah well I translated it in my head as they dragged a pig in there fighting and squealing the whole time I can't get the buckle around they just would put living I can't get the buckle around me. They just would put living... What's the purpose of putting a living pig in there? Because it's got a beating heart.

They want to see what's going to... They don't want some rigor mortis-style pig. It's also got hooves, too, though. We don't have hooves. It's a totally different physiology than us. Well, you know... Okay, have it your way, Taylor. We'll use chimpanzees.

We should drug monkeys. On our original record attempt, I had gone to the local butcher and got three pig hearts to put into a cooler. I had logos made up that said Transcon Transplant Transport. And I was going to say that if we

got pulled over and we had this cooler for the hearts, and in 1979 that if we got pulled over and we had this cool parts and in the in 1979 they actually got pulled over brock yates and hal needham as they were kind of doing the last run and they had a senator's wife and they said or that was a woman who claimed to be a senator's wife well it wasn't a woman it was a man dressed as a woman. That's right. They said if they put her in a pressurized aircraft, that her body would erupt in cysts. And this New Jersey cop bought it, and they got away. And so I was like, well, you know, as we pay tribute to this,

we need to say that these hearts that had to be transplanted into somebody at the UCLA medical center would have erupted in cysts. Imagine the lies you could get away with and then somebody at the UCLA medical center would have erupted in cysts if there were problems. Imagine the lies you could get away with before the internet. No, she's got a ducleosis. You probably don't know what that is, but it's important and we've got to be on our way. Thank you.

Are you accusing me of making that up just now? You want me to say what I just said again, as if I wouldn't remember what I just said. Did you not see my white coat? I'm a professional, okay? I got a clipboard. Do you think I wear this for my health? I wear it for everybody else's.

Yeah, I saw that article on reddit where the guy i believe his mother dies of alzheimer's and so he donates her body to science and he's told that oh she'll be very helpful with alzheimer's research here we have a brain that's been destroyed by the disease and he's oh great i'm glad that that mom can you know she can be of some help to medical science they sell the body to the military and they blow it up. Damn it, mom. Mom tested out the new law rocket. You know, I'll be honest with you.

I'm going to donate my body to science fiction. I have poured so much liquor and there's been so many marbles that have gone through this body and it's still going. That's the thing. It's it boggles the mind, whatever gets me, you know what I'm saying? It's good.

I'm just saying, I would only want to donate my body to science fiction and fantasy. If they promised me that they would use my body to test like Uruk-hai swords for the next Lord of the Rings. Like what would really lop off an arm? What would really stab through? I'm not real big into that whole Star Wars thing. I was busy chasing girls in high school, so I don't know what you're

talking about. I don't really follow that. I was swatting my son away, Webster, my cat. That's great. Taylor mentioned your cat. He says, I don't know, Star Wars. I got laid too much. I was joking.

They fucked his brains out. Hey, listen. Listen. I mean, this is straight up. I was talking to Casey Pooch, and there was a Stormtrooper mannequin in front of a car. And I didn't even know what it was until he said it. And he said, did I tell you about the time I made a lightsaber and I said shut up stop I don't I don't want to hear it I mean that's just no stop like every cool point you had come pulling up in a viper you lost it instantly talking about building

a homemade lightsaber he comes out in a robe with that Darth Maul makeup. Exactly. I mean, it's like, you didn't watch Star Wars? No, I didn't. You know why? Pussy. Exactly. Exactly. I was slaying way too much gash to worry about Endor. I'm going to tell you something.

I'm going to tell you something. There for a long time, I had to go out of county because I already made a name for myself. What was the, what was the reputation Rob? Syphilis. Hey, a shot of penicillin. But the antibiotic antibiotic strains. You're welcome and uh so it was i got to the point where girls talk to each other now social media has messed that up because now they're all friends

and and that gets you right there that's that's what messes you up i blame it on the internet i feel like tinder's improved the game right see no no no Tinder's improved the game. See, no, no, no. It's improved the game for people that don't have game. That's the catch. When you got a voice like this, I could walk up to you and talk you into a piece of ass. That's true.

I hope to meet you in prison. And with modesty like that. You know what I'm saying. He's drinking from a flashlight for some reason, but you do you. I drink obscene amounts of caffeine. I drink about 20 cups of coffee a day. I drink coffee from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed. They say that's good for you.

Yeah. Heart healthy, they call it. That'll be a selling feature for the body to science part. Exactly. Jesus, look at all the caffeine in this thing. I got a love letter. Do you guys want to see it? Yeah.

Is it hot? Is it written to you? Is this why Jackie's not around and why you've grown a beard? So it is. I didn't know what the scoop was. I thought it was a fan letter or something. Look at that penmanship. My dearest Woody, I long for the time we once spent together. We used to be so close. You would look for me every day.

Oh, how you let me smooth away your rough exterior, your hands around my body, turning me on and making me buzz. I don't know who it is keeping us apart, what lies they're telling you. Are they saying that you don't need me? That you look younger without me? Is society to blame? Now I'm lucky if I see you once a week.

Don't give up on us. I'm charged up and ready to go. You can get back to the way we were. Let me run along your face. Use me. Charged and ready, go. You can get back to the way we were. Let me run you. Let me run along your face. Use me. Charged and ready. Your shaver. My wife wrote this. It's a hint. I was going to say like halfway through that, like that's the person who's going to murder your family. I didn't know the backstory. I just started reading it. And did she just hand it to you like that? Or did she go go an extra step and mail it to your own address? No, she just

She handed it to me, but I get fan mail now and then And that was my assumption But it's not usually love letters And shit like that I had a guy write me a letter when I was in prison I really appreciated it They were like, mail call! And I was like, I don't have anything coming today

And the guy in the cell next to me He's like, Myers, you got a letter And I was like, huh,'t have anything coming today. The guy in the cell next to me, he's like, Mars, you got a letter. I was like, huh, who could this be from? It was one of the guys I play video games with, DJ. DJ, thank you very much again for writing me that letter. He updated me on whatever was going on in the world and what was going on with you guys.

See, the five days wouldn't have been that bad. I would have known who my true fans are. I wanted to send Kyle a letter that just said, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Don't drop the soap, Rob. I thought we were about to get a Dollar Shave Club ad right there.

That's a good one. That's a good one. You fellas could use that. I'm just throwing that out there. Yeah. Well, Woody shouldn't. Kyle and I are strongly that. I'm just throwing that out there. Woody shouldn't. Kyle and I are strongly on the Woody should grow his beard out train. I think the gray looks distinguished.

It adds an air of authority to what he says, but his wife for some weird reason, I think she doesn't like it because it makes him a specimen. I'm just so attractive that she doesn't want me to exist in this state. I think she wants to

make sure that when you go outside the house one day a week. That nobody would want me. That there isn't some young hussy out there laying, casting her glims upon you and scooping you up. Nothing draws in the young hussies like a gray beard. Oh, you'd be very surprised. Daddy issues, it does draw them in. I'm telling you. There has to be a daddy issues part

of Tinder for hypothetically single people. This is the thing. I mean, do you realize we were at the radio station one night recording a show. We had a chick come by and she's like, my god i'm your biggest

fan we do automotive talk radio female demographic very small i hear you you know what i'm saying yeah i do this chick is really into it and she was young and she's attractive i mean she wasn't like one of those butch redneck chicks i mean she was a good looking gal and i'm thinking to myself exactly the first thing the first thing that popped in my. And I'm thinking to myself, I mean, I poured... Exactly. The first thing that popped in my head is, I'm fixing to show this chick how many times 40 will go into 20.

But... Halfway, I guess. I did. I would never take advantage of a situation like that. That's horrible. Wait, 20? That's okay. No, we're pro 40 into 20 around here.

I don't know how that new math works. You didn't say 17. You said 20. It's cool. Carry on. Carry on. But yeah, I blame daddy issues on the beard thing because that's, you know what I'm saying? He was starting to grow one right before he left.

So that's how they like this. That's why they like you like that. It's possible that Kyle and Taylor have daddy issues, and that's why they're so into the beard. Jeez, you've uncovered my beard. I can see it. My father's possible that Kyle and Taylor have daddy issues, and that's why they're so into the beard. Toss it out there. Jeez, you've uncovered my beard. I can see it. My father's a clean-shaven man. Yeah, no, I usually shave on Fridays after the show.

This weekend, I did this thing. I forgot. I traveled. Didn't bring my shaver. And it just seemed like it was close to showtime again, so I let it run another week. Yeah, it looks good. We're not teasing you.

This isn't one of those, like... I mean, it does. It looks good. You don't look like. This isn't one of those like. I mean, it does. It looks good. Like you don't look like you got one of those. See, I can't grow a beard. I'm envious of you guys. The goatee takes me like six months to do this. And that's it.

If I shave it off, that's a major decision. Because it's not coming back in two weeks. Yeah, I didn't shave. A chin appears where there was none. It's the greatest thing. I worked a job where I had to be clean shaven for a long time. I would shave in the morning.

If the main boss would come by in the afternoon, I would get reprimanded. I would come back too fast. My old man's like that. He's like that rough, tough generation. He can shave at 7 in the morning old man's like that. He's like that rough, tough generation. He can shave at 7 in the morning, 7 in the evening. He needs to do it again. Yep. I empathize with your old man.

I don't work like that. I just... I don't know. No. I went two months without shaving recently, and I just looked homeless. I just came out homeless. It was not a good look. I thought it was kind of endearing. I didn't cast away. Yeah, cast away. Yes. I looked like I had been abandoned somewhere. Well, I guess I had.

You know? Abandoned in prison for two months. Yeah, for two months. It was not a good look. But, you know, there's no shavers in there. I use a shaver. No fun. No, no, that's no fun at all. Would you say that was the worst part of prison?

No, I would not say that was the worst part of prison. Did the beard get more comfortable as time went on? Because I get into a phase, I'm a little past it now, where if I lay on my belly and I use my chin on the pillow to read the computer or something, that's awful. I didn't like when my mustache would go into my mouth and I could bite it with my teeth. It went over mustache would go into my mouth And I could bite it with my teeth Like it went over the lip and into my mouth

And I could like bite it Yeah I didn't care for that And I didn't like I just didn't like it It wasn't uncomfortable anymore though It stopped itching after a few weeks It was just gross I wish you had one more day and it would have made the show

You know I had a lady friend coming and I just didn't want to expose her to cast away Kyle. I follow. I was in the bathroom. I was like, am I really about to take my first real

free man shower and use my first real toothbrush and toothpaste in two months and not get that trim around and fucking clean this nastiness up. I couldn't do it. I had to get it off. Fair enough. Plus like,

I didn't want to go in public with it. Like I looked, I looked bizarre. Yeah. You could have cleaned it up and made it, made it your, the best Kyle, you know,

Kyle's perfect beard. Maybe, maybe just a mustache if I just kept the mustache. Cause that was pretty, pretty strong. I was hoping you would do that. Maybe just like the cowboy thing where it just comes straight down with no goatee. Do the Tom

Selleck thing. Yes. Or a mustache. I wish I could grow a Hitler. Mine doesn't fill in in the middle, but I've always wanted to just grow the little Hitler stache. That was big back in the day. I don't know why it fell out of fashion. That was huge. When I shaved my beard

a couple years ago, I did in phases, you know, like a strong goatee, a strong mustache, a Hitler stash. Turns out, posting pictures of yourself with a Hitler stash, that picture gets popular. People keep that one around.

It's quite meme-able. That's my desktop background. I'm looking at it right now. Send that to me, please. I'll get on it. I've seen it posted, Woody, where it's like you with the Hitler mustache, and it's like,

that feel when the Allies are closing in. Because you've got the tears in your eyes. I don't remember who made that, but that was a good one. Oh, there it is. Yeah, there's me. Nice. That is wonderful. I didn't realize. I thought it was like a History Channel special

that was coming on or something. Did Hitler escape to South America? Find out tonight on Discovery. This is like Hitler in 1931 before his first meeting. Colorization. And the hair just so perfect too.

It's very white power hair. Very, you know, what do they call that? The really short hair on the side and then high and tight, right? I'm thinking about going to the high and tight style because that's going to add at least two weeks to my needing to get

a haircut regimen. It might give you some head shaping, head contouring, right? You could elongate it. No, it'll do the opposite. It'll reveal that noggin that's hiding underneath that hair. You think you should go... As much hair as possible.

We need to test this out. You go high and tight and then just let it rock until you go sideshow Bob and see which look is better for you. I'll go high and tight next time. And then if it doesn't look good, I'll be wearing a hat. Shaved in part and everything. You'll be hipster ready. An enormous hat. I'll be wearing a hat. No, it's shaved in part and everything. You'll be hipster ready.

An enormous hat. Yeah, I hate getting an enormous hat. You got a 10-gallon hat. It looks like a beret. I have an enormous neck. Yeah. Then I thought that was a good idea because I hate getting my hair cut. I hate sitting still at the dentist.

I hate sitting still getting my hair cut. So you got the wrong person cutting your hair. You got to sit down, say, buzz the sides, four on the top, point me at the TV fasters better, bitch. So you got a barber. So you got a male barber, right? I got a chick that cuts my hair. And I like it.

She's got like six kids and like store bought boobs that's the chick i won't cut my hair i don't care what's on tv exactly nice gal you know what i'm saying been divorced half a dozen times oh yeah that's that's who i won't cut she smokes while she cuts my hair it don't matter. I like when I go get my hair cut and it's like, I don't have a specific person that they're all women, but I'll just go in and be like, haircut time and whoever's there. But I like there's this short, fat,

matronly woman, and when she has to lean in with her giant tits on my back, somewhat, it's like one of those autism blankets. Yeah, yeah. It's like a calming effect. One of those autism blankets. Yeah, yeah. It's like a calming effect. One of those thunder blankets. I don't know about the dog, but I love it.

I have a new barber now. I like him. He likes basketball. We chat. Does he like beards? You know what? I had him shave my beard once. Dude, I did not know what i was signing up for i thought like hey i'm being lazy i need a shave i'll i'll treat myself you know 20 bucks for a beard shave

let's see what this is all about it's really gay like it just seemed like he was caressing my face one hand doing like, I kind of wanted to back out halfway through. But getting hard, right? Obviously. Is it bad? Do you see your little cape popping up? All the hair falls off the side. How about a landing strip down below?

Yeah, no. It was really intimate in a way that I didn't know was coming and it hurt. I've seen it done where they take that super sharp blade and they go. It was kind of like tugging at my whiskers. I have thick hair too.

Even the hair on my head, if you step on it you get splinters and stuff. My whiskers are just that times 10. And like, I don't know, it just hurt. Everything was bad about it. I'm not doing that again. I was going to this really expensive place in Atlanta and haircut, haircut and shave is like $120.

Oh, fuck that. And yeah, you get over it. And at the, you know. Did you buy them a year at a time or something? Did you buy them a year at a time or something? And to do, I don't know, sideburns and the back of your neck and stuff, he'd get out the straight razor instead of using a trimmer or whatever. And my neck too, which is the scariest part to get straight razor.

You were saying it hurt. It sounds like maybe his razor wasn't sharp enough or maybe he wasn't an expert. This dude was incredible. He would just go, and it felt like he was running the back of a credit card across my skin. I could feel something was there and it was gliding across my skin, but it felt good. And every time he was just, he had

that towel over his arm and he was like, he was fucking Sweeney Todd on the back of my neck and my throat. It was incredible. Sweet Sweeney Todd On the back of my neck and my throat It was incredible It's a musical About the demon barber Of Fleet Street It doesn't matter

So speaking of Well done So speaking of full service barbers And hair stylists You get happy Carry on Oh this gets better So speaking of full service barbers and hairstylists. You get happy at least on your carry on. No. Oh, well, this gets better. So I used to own a sign shop and there's a small town outside of Greenville and I won't say the name of it, but it's a very small town.

It's got a little main street, you know, and there's, there's a barber shop and a beauty salon. And the name is beauty salon. Hell, it's called the Sheer Shack. And I did all the window lettering. My son shopped it for it. And it was ran by this, you ever seen Steel Magnolias? Yes. Just like Dolly Parton's character. That's how she acted, but she didn't look like that.

You know, she was country and really sweet. Oh, darling, and all this stuff. Well, on the other, okay, so they had two barber chairs or, you know, hairstyling chairs there where they cut hair and did permanents and colors or whatever. And then there was like a little wall. It was probably three feet tall, just like a half wall. And then there was a massage table.

And they had a girl there that gave massages. Well, one of the hairstylists bumped me. She said, for an extra 20, she'll give you a massage table. And they had a girl there that gave massages. Well, one of the hairstylists bumped me. She said, for an extra 20, she'll give you a happy ending. This is in front of a plate glass window on Main Street. Assert your dominance. And I'm thinking to myself. And I'm like, yeah. Well, so we go down to the barber shop next door.

And they start telling us about the massage services there. Apparently, it's a very popular thing in this town. Did you take advantage of it? Was it one of these young ladies that I have in this photograph down there? No, it's not. Oh, it's a damn shame. There's not enough Aquanet in that picture. Count me in for the middle.

Yeah, right? She looks like her hands would be calloused and powerful. You spent way too much time in the pen, dude. I feel like she could change a tire, cut your hair, and get you off in 30 minutes. She could open a beer bottle with her teeth, okay? She's like, have one. That's not a twist-off.

They're all twist offs to her okay so you never found a top she couldn't pop rabbit you went from 300 pounds to 177 177 what did you i did the meal prep but you acted like you weren't hungry on the meal prep like It seemed like you ate as much as you want. I ate all the time. That's the thing. When you eat healthy stuff, you can eat as much as you want because it sucks. You don't want to eat.

That's the key. You don't want to eat no more of it. You don't eat because them turkey burgers are good. No, you eat to make a turn. That's what you do. It's like you fuel the machine. You don't eat for like, you'll never hear me say, boy, them turkey burgers and brown rice.

I'm craving some of that. No one, they're starving kids in Somalia that don't crave that shit. Okay. It's not. Do you have any real burgers perhaps? Why do you have any real burgers? Yeah? Why do you drink any real burgers? Yeah, I'll eat dirt, you know?

But that's the thing. That's what you eat to fuel the machine. That's it. You didn't eat for taste anymore. You ate because, like, oh, shit, I got to do it again. It's like taking your medicine. Yeah. Fun.

Well, I mean, how long did it take you to lose it five months man that's a lot of weight fast yeah well i spent a lot of money to do that that's the catch that's the part i didn't tell everybody go on dietitian trainer you know what i? Like, my buddy put me on to these people, and it costs a lot of money. And now keep in mind, the $2,500, $3,000 I spent for this over this period of time, probably, well, it's probably more than that with the personal training, probably added 10 years to my life that the Marlboros took years ago. You know what I'm saying? Three grand for a life change.

Three grand to drop 123 pounds. Well, that'd be a lot for me to lose. Still, that's a deal that you'd probably make every time. Oh, yeah. Think about what Wings spent on his surgery, right? Yeah.

I mean, we'll never know the truth, but it was a lot of money. It's more than 3,000. But the thing that's crazy is everybody told me that losing weight that fast, you're going to gain it back. You're going to gain it back. I kind of beefed back up to about 197 pounds. So I run between like 195 and 205. I've never gained really much more than that.

How long ago was this when you lost it all? 2012. Oh, so you've kept it off for quite a while. Yeah. Good for you, man. Do people have a resting weight? Is it their lifestyle that takes them to a resting weight, or do their bodies kind of have a happy place that's not always where you wish it was?

It's probably a mix, but I would guess more lifestyle. It depends on your lifestyle. Because if you were a fucking nomadic caveman person, you'd be fucking ripped. You'd have that Jesus on the cross sort of core going on. The side striations. Yeah, the side striations. Just that loincloth you'd be rocking that loincloth and maybe the crown i don't know but but you know you'd be fucking fit you'd be fast you'd be agile you'd be strong but like you're a normal fucking human being you gotta

go to work at some time and unless that work is jesus impersonator or personal trainer then you'd really don't have time to get into that kind of shape. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, Christianity never would have taken off if Christ was overweight. No, never. No, they would have been like, the cross would have broken before he died. It's just crumbled down.

I don't know. I don't know. But see, that's the new thing now, though. When I lost weight, it wasn't cool to be a fat ass. I was a fat ass through all the bad years. Now we've got fat entertainers. You can't body shame people. So now it's okay to, it's like, this is how my luck goes.

I lose weight and fucking fat is in now. That's my problem. I didn't realize how clever I had been. Yeah, that's... I've been dealt two bad hands. That and then this is my favorite one. Everyone tells me I look like the lead singer of Rascal Flatts.

Let me see what that looks like. Yes. Gary Laveau. Gary Laveau. And so everybody tells me I look like that guy, but they say that, you know, with a voice like you got, and I've been compared to from... Oh, you're probably me I look like that guy, but they say that, you know, with a voice like you got,

and I've been compared to, you look like this guy. So I get compared to that. And like, I've signed autographs for this dude before. You look so much like him. It's shocking. All right.

So, but this is the thing. And I sound like Matthew McConaughey. Why can't I look like Matthew McConaughey and sound like the guy from Rascal Flatts talk about being dealt a shit hand yeah that's true the worst of both worlds

oh come on you're thinner than this guy though yeah you're way thinner than the Rascal Flatts guy the Rascal Flatts guy when I was bigger, I didn't have the goatee. We were pretty close. I'll admit that.

To be fair, the Rascal Flatts guy seems like his weight has fluctuated quite a bit over the years. I see some of his pictures and he's like 270. He's a big old dude. He's one of the few Grammys that has that effect. Yeah, I'm seeing this pre-Grammy photo. He's pretty thin.

Like his album cover, he's looking good. That's airbrush. If you can get laid whenever you want because you're winning Grammys, the motivation to get fit has got to drop precipitously. Do you really think a Grammy gets laid? I don't think Meatloaf got laid a lot. I'm just throwing that out there. How about Michael Jackson?

Did Michael Jackson slay Gash? Or did even girls say i think we know what he slayed i think we all know what michael got michael jackson it wasn't gash as you so eloquently it's funnier that way but he was slamming slick uh i don't you know there was a guy in my high school Who claimed that Michael Jackson just got All the girls that he wanted

Which was probably true Did he want more than zero? He didn't want any He was the only rock star He was using them to get to their boyfriends Their children That's going to be some Reddit today I learned It's like Michael Jackson's the only artist to have

a no girls allowed sign near the backstage pass area. Oh, they made me uncomfortable. Yeah. I've gone back and forth with my opinion on old Michael Jackson. At first, I thought, oh man, what a great entertainer. And then I was like, oh no, he's a pedophile?

I guess he was. And then I was like, they were lying on little Michael. and then i watched that documentary the leaving never never never land thing and i was like oh shit he was a pedophile i i'm pretty sure he was a pedophile though at the very least he was a ghoulish human being right like you've seen the photos he did look ghoulish but then david chappelle won me over and decided that it's cool if you're raped by Michael Jackson. That was an interesting choice of comedic approach. Yes. But Dave Chappelle can get away with things that most people can't.

Yeah, he killed a transsexual person the other day. Yes. He fucked a transsexual person? No, he killed one, apparently. I guess he was mocking a transsexual person no he killed one apparently i guess he was mocking a transsexual person in his last special and then that person killed themselves uh like last week that's the thing about the whole gender business like in in all jokes aside their suicide rate is so high that that's kind of why i don't want to fuck with them. It's almost mean to be like, these are people in pain, but oftentimes they are. Oh, yeah. Okay, I see.

If we limit ourselves to mocking those who can take it, what's the fun in that? In case you want to push somebody over the edge, you know? I do see where you're coming from. But the world is a different place though now okay it's like i'll give you a perfect example the guy that put me on to the weight loss my big for nothing buddy with the big muscles and all that stuff he was a roid head from way back everybody knew it he was a mom he looked like the damn undertaker. This dude was a monster. Now he's got a kid.

He's married. He's fat. You know, he comes over to my shop. He was just there literally two days ago at my shop. He comes walking in gut, hanging out, wearing jogging pants. Cause God knows blue jeans won't go around anymore. And he walks in and, you know, and I pick at him a little bit or something like this well that hurts my feelings that's why i did it if it didn't hurt your feelings i wouldn't make fun of you i mean you got to be tough people you know why i can make fun of fat people because they

used to be fat you got to be able to take a joke you know what i'm saying it didn't the same reason i make fun of retarded people. Well, about anybody. But you beat it. Well, it's an uphill fight. Every day is a struggle. Would I have made that joke if I beat it? I actually found the woman who killed herself, her Twitter. She's got one tweet here from August 28th that says,

Punching down requires you to consider yourself superior to any other group. Dave Chappelle doesn't consider himself better than me in any way. He isn't punching up or punching down. He's punching lines. That's his job and he's a master of his craft. That's what the... Who said that? The person who killed themselves. It's an interesting take. It doesn't seem like she was mad at Dave Chappelle.

No, it doesn't. His latest specials have made it clear that somebody told him, we're going to pay you whatever it takes, but he said, well, I get to make whatever jokes I want and you have no oversight of it. Because it's kind of like comedians in cars getting coffee. It's so clear they just said, we want Jerry Seinfeld to do a thing again, and he's going to tell us what he wants to do, and it may or may not be good. It just became him complaining to other famous

people about what it's like to be famous, which nobody necessarily wants to watch. I don't know. It's not old Dave Chappelle anymore. It's funny. People were like, oh. I missed the point. Totally. I didn't barely crack a smile the entire special. His latest one, you didn't like it.

Oh, I thought there were were funny parts in it. Yeah. It wasn't Dave Chappelle to me. He was getting off on a rant. If anything, people who were like, this new special is so horrible. It's like, did you watch the Chappelle show?

Have you listened to his old shit? Because that makes this special look tame as fuck compared to the bits he used to do on his show. But it's a different type of comedy too, though. It's a different type. There was a wit to Chappelle's show.

Exactly. The bits that got huge on Chappelle's show, at least to me, weren't, weren't like, weren't controversial, right? The Rick James stuff.

I think there were two. Well, Rick James anyway was giant, right? The Prince stuff, there might have been two Prince things. Those were the Charlie Murphy stories. Charlie Murphy. That's a good point, actually. Wow, as I process it, Charlie Murphy stories were my favorite part of the Chappelle show, and I gave Chappelle all the credit in my head.

Clayton Bixby was the funniest one. Clayton Bixby, very funny. Tyrone Biggums. Tyrone Biggums. Was Joe Rogan actually on that episode when they did the Fear Factor parody? Was that Joe Rogan? Did he come on? Because that was funny.

He's like, all right, now you're going to eat a bucket of horse penises. And all the white people are like, oh, God, no. And you're looking like, Tyrone has already gotten himself one. You got any hot sauce? You got any hot sauce? I have had so many YouTube commenters tell me that I am

what Dave Chappelle sounds like when he's pretending to be white. I get that. I mean, his white. I get that. Some people have told me that. His white face was hilarious too. I was in middle school or high school when his show was huge. We would just sit in the basement of whatever friend's house we were at and crack our asses up at that.

So funny. Then he went to Africa for 10 years and didn't make anything funny. That was a downer. I wonder if it was good for his career, though. Like, where's the hypothetical Chappelle that just stayed on? I think he turned down $100 million to do that.

Because he felt like everybody was making fun of him. Right. This is the thing you got to understand about comedy. When you're doing stand-up comedy, and I was a traveling comic. I'm not going was, I was a traveling comic. I'm not going to say I was a professional comedian or anything like that, but I traveled. And when you tell jokes night after night after night,

when you see a comedian laugh at his own joke, he's not laughing at that. That's rehearsed. He just knows where to throw that. He's heard it 200 times already it's and you you got to think about it when you have an audience laughing at you it's it's great but when you got an audience you hit a you get a bad room or you get somebody we used to joke around all the time the big saying when like when i was doing comedy is that the room was warm and usually the later the night the warmer the room gets because the drunker everybody gets. Yeah.

But you know, like we used to play in Atlanta, laughing skull lounge, places like that. And they don't boo you in comedy clubs like that. They give you the keys. They take their keys out and start jingling them. And you,

you see 200 people jingling their damn keys. That right there will kill anybody's self-esteem at doing something. But comedy's rough. And I joke with people. I actually got in an argument with a musician one time over this. Okay. He goes, man, stand-up comedy's easy. All you do is get up there and make an ass out of yourself.

They laugh, you get paid. And I said, no. I tell one bad joke, my night's shot. You can miss a chord, and most people will never catch it. Yeah, they're not jingling keys at you. Exactly. And that's my thing with comedy. Comedy is a lot harder to look.

And I want to tell you something. The funniest people you will ever meet that are comedians have had the worst life. Because that is their mechanism for working with that. Yeah, I think that's why so many big comedians are fatties. I think that's how you get somebody like Chris Farley, who's just so talented and so, especially physically, funny. Well, due to her attention. And to sort of parry away the attacks that were already coming at him.

Somebody would call him fat and he could turn around and make them laugh or you know i'm sure the guy got bullied and mocked his entire life i'm sure and use that as an outlet on the mechanism like as a parallel to that i feel like that's why so many hotties are often lacking in the personality yeah it yeah forget comedy personality wait no i didn't follow what you were saying there but yeah like really beautiful women Yeah, forget comedy. Personality. Wait, no, I didn't follow what you were saying there. But yeah, like really beautiful women, sometimes they just never had to liven up a room.

They could just smile. Everyone gives them a pass. Well, I've often said, if I could insert my brain into a gorgeous female, I would rule the fucking world. The end. People will be turned off by your voice. That's not what I had to insert, but you do you. You know, but you say that

and I wouldn't want my voice in a female obviously, but my brain. If I could just put my brain in a Barbie, it would be over with. Like literally, let me introduce you to Miss President Roberto. You know? In a Barbie. Great. I don't know if you could rule the world as a hot

chick with no genitalia. I like how your female name is still a male name. Just call me Rob. Just call me Roberto. Well, I thought his specials were... I still have... Or no, I did watch the Bill Burr special. I forgot. I didn't think it was... Bill Burr burr's okay his stuff is so much better that's where i was going with the chapelle thing

right like uh he took a break and then came back and he's almost like i feel like comedians start at their best right they've got bits and routines and it's the best stories that they've accumulated over 18 years or whatever that is and then the next special is the ones that didn't make the first cut and then the third special is just whatever cool happened in the last two years like they put all their great stuff and chapelle got a reset right bill burr on the other hand has been cranking out special after special and it's hard for them to not decline well yeah it's about like this is ruined comedy i feel like your first your first special is sort of the culmination of your entire life up until that point. So if you do it with 25, you've got 25 years of experience.

If you wait until you're 50 to make another one, your career has kind of taken a real downturn in that last 25 years. There's only been like one or two comedians who were ever able to be very prolific like that. George Carlin comes to mind. Even his last specials. The man was 104! I know, I'm just saying that Rodney Dangerfield was the only one that could give George Carlin

a run for his money. He was a lot of fun. He was real quick. Very self-deprecating, of course, because he was a hideous human being. But yeah, I like him a lot. But you know what, though? This is the thing you got to think about with Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield was a very, very depressed man.

He was a door-to-door salesman. And he came from that. His real name is Jack Roy, is Rodney Dangerfield's real name. Okay. And he was a door-to-door. He was a traveling door-to-door salesman. Like he sold vacuum cleaners and shit. And he went from that,

stopped what he was doing and went into comedy late in life, like in his forties. And, but you know, some of his jokes just boom, boom. And then got to think about the people that Rodney Dangerfield brought into comedy. You know, Sam Kinnison,

Andrew Dice Clay. And before anybody says Andrew Dice Clay joke, I interviewed Andrew Dice Clay. He's a piece of shit. I'll be the first to say that. But I will say this. He's the only comedian to this day that sold out Madison Square Garden, period.

No one, Jeff Foxworthy, Madison Square Garden, period. No one. Jeff Foxworthy, Dave Chappelle, anybody. And Jeff Foxworthy is the Bill Gates of damn comedy. I always thought Bill Burr and Kevin Hart did, but maybe I'm wrong. I think they might have. Kevin Hart's pretty...

I think Kevin Hart's the biggest comedian there's ever been at this point. He got giganticormous. There's some great people that Dangerfield inspired. But they were also very depressed, like Mitch Hedberg. One of the funniest fucking guys ever. Ever. It's just amazing.

But, you know, obviously always high and couldn't make it to the finish line. There is so much inspiration there to guys that contributed beautifully to the craft. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright are only funny to me for like 60 seconds.

Come back, tell me some more tomorrow. Was it Mitch Hedberg or Steven Wright who was like, I once broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door. I think that was Stephen Wright, but Stephen Wright and Mitch, I can watch their specials all the way through and crack up at all of it.

Like I love that little misdirection style. One liner comedy. Really quick way to, it's like, I don't know how you write that. It seems so difficult to write to me. Like, like telling a funny story seems natural.

And like, it's, you know, if you, if you live that experience or if you could see how a experience you did live to me. Telling a funny story seems natural. If you lived that experience or if you could see how the experience you did live could be twisted a little bit and be comedic, I can get that. But the way they write those little quick-witted, misdirection-type one-liners, I don't even know

how you begin. One of my favorites now is Norm MacDonald. He does the opposite! He does the opposite of Mitchitch headburn he'll take a joke and just take take a two-minute joke and make it 15 minutes and like part and it's like anti-comedy like in the middle of it we're like the funny part is that you're expecting no you're all you're cutting no like it just slaps you fucking funny. But that's the funny part is how his delivery of it, how he stretches it out and twists and turns in it.

Everybody's got to throw it away. Like you were talking about holding the revolving door with both arms. Just like Ronnie Dangerfield, an old Ronnie Dangerfield joke. Man, my career is going great. I just signed a six-year deal with General Motors. Yeah, I bought a new car. I love that. I mean, it's like you're talking about his wife.

One of my favorite jokes, I talk about it because my mother can't cook. So this naturally fit in. But at my house, we didn't pray before the meal. We prayed after we ate, you know? And, you know, but that's the thing that's changing with comedy now. I think some of these big guys, they've made their money. They're huge. Do your Netflix special every five years.

Step down. There's so many talented comics. Nikki Glasser. I watched her. Nikki Glasser. I watched her special the other day. She's absolutely hilarious. She's probably my favorite female comedian right now.

Right now, same here. She's absolutely hilarious. I think that the spotlight is being clogged up by certain people. Jeff Foxworthy finally stepped to the side. He's doing Golden Corral commercials. He's done. He's been doing that Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader

show for way too long. Is that still on? I don't think. Is that? Is he on the Game Show Network now or something? He's still doing You Might Be a Redneck. Because that was from the 90s. He lives around the corner. I see him at Whole Foods.

Really? You Might Be a Redneck. Yeah, he lives out here. Yeah, they started a... He and John Smoltz started a really good private school down the street. Oh, that's cool. I'm a big Smoltz fan. Absolutely.

Wait, John Cena presented Are You Smarter Than the Fifth Grader in the Final Seasons? Oh, wow. Okay. The answer's no, John. They should change that to Who's Smarter Than John Cena. Welcome to Who's Smarter Than John Cena. Everyone wins. So, Ed and Rabbit, you guys sell cars,

but that's not all you do, right? You are trying to say it in the most, people manipulators, right? The word is influencer. Influencer. Right? What do you do, have you been a door-to-door salesman? Ed had stories of hospital bill negotiations

that blew me away. Have you used this superpower outside of the automotive field? You know, I found it very easy, you know, particularly with the girl that became my wife to kind of understand exactly what a woman really is looking for. And I, I could, I'm glad I settled on the right one early because I could see that going down a damaging path. But it works in a lot of different circumstances. I mean, like the hospital bill was an example. But, you know, there's so many things that, you know, people want you to come help them negotiate or they want you to help understand the dynamic and situations.

And I don't know, it's hard to pick out examples. But yeah, I mean, just as you try to understand the way people are motivated towards whatever decision they're trying to make, it becomes easier and easier to insert your own logic into that and get it to the end result that you were looking for originally. I hadn't, you know, what, and like what Ed was saying, you can call it manipulation. You can call it anything you want at the end of the day. There's no such thing. We don't have mind control. We don't. Hey, we don't have mind control.

We don't. We don't. We're not releasing the magician secrets, Ed. Okay, stop. But this is it at the end of the day. When you're talking to someone, whether you're selling them a car, you're selling this pin, you're taking them them a car, you're selling them this pen, you're taking them on a date. You're making them comfortable.

Period. You're making a friend. When you make someone comfortable, now you're not that salesman. That's my buddy, Ed. Boy, Ed, he's got the funniest jokes. Or, boy, that Ed, he drives a Lamborghini. Or that boy, Ed, remember that thing where he's telling us about the hospital bill? They're not talking about that because it's not the main thing in their mind anymore.

You made them comfortable. And comfort is the key. Been in this game a long time. If you can make, and I've said this a million times, I've said it to girls to their face i have a way of getting my way the end he was holding a knife when he said it but listen i'm gonna make you come my favorite my favorite back in my wild back in my wilder days i really i would be at a bar and i would walk up to an attractive girl at a bar and she's like we'll get talking about something.

And I'm like, maybe later we'll come back to my place. She said, I don't know about that. I said, well, I have a way of getting my way. She said, what does that mean? I said, you'll see. Next thing you know, we talk, we laugh, we cut up for a couple hours. Guess where we end up. You see where I'm getting at.

Her tied up in the back. No, no. I drove a Corvette, so technically I couldn't do that. Quay Lunes involved, no. No joke. I drove a cool rat, so technically I couldn't do that. There's quaaludes involved, Taylor. He's not an animal. All it takes is a sternly worded sentence and just brandishing.

Just showing that you're carrying. That's enough of what most women's hearts. It's funny that as I process, I'm inserting myself in this. There's only really one environment in which I've ever matched the level that I see in you guys, and it's job interviews. I've always had a knack for job interviews of talking to them, trying to figure out what their problem is, and explaining how I'm the solution. And they're almost always hiring because they're too busy to do this or that guy's job has turned into two people's workload or something. And by the way, get the job. Get the job. too busy to do this or that guy's job has turned into two people's workload or something. And then,

and by the way, get the job, get the job. You can turn it down later, but get the offer. This is due to diagnosing their problem first. Most people go to a job interview and they start trying to explain what they're good at and say, you know, I can bring this. You say you need this and I'm the solution. And that's the thing is that anytime you're trying to insert your own logic into someone else's mind, it takes understanding the need that they're telling you they have, but don't fully understand. They've come to you for a reason and they want you to complete the result. But if you can understand the beginning of the thought, that's when you succeed. Yeah. It's clever i i need to be more emotionally clever there's a person i know she's at she's telling me she was having a conversation with

her boyfriend and she thinks what am i trying to get from this con like with this argument what like how do i want it to end and all everything she says and does is you know towards getting this like you know relationship where she wants it to go and that's on another level compared to say trying to win an argument thinking several chess steps ahead yeah but well this is the thing another thing too that i found with interviews is confidence. And that applies to anything. Eye contact. Okay. If you ever ran a business or hired someone, if you were on the other side of the chair, you're giving the interview. Do you know how many people I gave an interview to like this? Yeah. Yeah. I'm pretty good stuff. I will never hire that person. Just like if I was hiring a salesperson and they describe

something as good, I hate that word. I hate good. I don't sell nothing good. Everything I sell is great. Period. I don't sell good. I hate good. Like you go to a restaurant and it says good food, I don't want to eat there. It may make you sick. I don don't want good i want great i tell them all the time we'll step out on the front lot and they'll discuss yeah that's a good car no we don't sell good cars we sell great cars and we're selling we sell the best cars ask anyone let's just smart people people are saying this is how this is said. I said, describe your girlfriend to me. Is she just okay? No, she's great.

I've seen worse. Yes. I've done worse. But you see where I'm getting at. That drives me nuts with people. It's the confidence. And I think that's a big thing that pulls them in. Somebody says, you know, where do you see?

I want your damn job. That's what I want. You know? big thing that pulls them in. Somebody says, where do you see? I want your damn job. That's what I want. I think the drive is gone now with a lot of people. That's what I do when I get interviews. They go, what are you here for? I go, first of all, sir, I don't want your job. I want the job above yours because

I want something more competent than you as my underling. You neg them. You neg them in a pickup artist sort of way. You're like, did your wife pick that tie out for you? Doubt it, because you look single. Like that kind of thing. And that's how Taylor got a job at McDonald's.

No, I'm going straight to the McNugget station. I'm not doing cashier. And that's when the big bucks start rolling in. Yeah. Kyle knows how that whole thing goes. He worked at McDonald's for dozens of hours. Dozens of hours when I was 15. Yeah, yeah.

I decided right away, I don't want to be here. This was not worth all the chicken nugget sauce I can carry out in my pockets. I have made a serious error. This is not good. Have you ever gone through the drive-thru at McDonald's orald's burger king or taco bell chick-fil-a whatever and an elderly person takes your money ah it ruins your whole fucking meal i got one worse than that you know what's worse than that when an elderly person delivers my postmates oh no it's awful that they lick it because i want to believe that they're in flor doing old people things, not delivering Kyle's third meal of the evening.

I wasn't seeing that. I thought Kyle was upset with it. They move slow. It arrives cold. Old people are just incompetent Postmatesers. No. I don't know, but I love an old Uber driver. Oh, yeah.

That's different. They make good taxi drivers in Vegas or tourist towns. They've survived this long. They're probably not going to hit a bus or anything. Right. They probably go the other way around. They might have a shortcut. It seems like a lot of the old Uber people that'll pick me up,

they're not strapped for cash. It's more like, I'm 74. I like talking to people. Most of my friends are dead, so I'm doing this. That seems to be the thing. Yeah. Yeah. I like talking to people. Most of my friends are dead, so I'm doing this. That seems to be the thing. Yeah. I was in Vegas about four years ago. We got off the plane.

It's midnight. We got off the plane, and of course, we grabbed a taxi right out front. Younger guy grabbed our bags, threw them in the back. We took off. First words out of his mouth, you guys are going to have to forgive me. I haven't been off meth but a month. Oh, shit. Not a hey, not a fuck you, not a

hey, I'm Tom. I just got off meth last month. You got to forgive me. Did you congratulate him? He was thin though, right? I gave him a pat on the back. No, he was kind of chubby, so apparently he sucked at that too. A chubby meth head, yeah. Well, fancy that because I'm an up-and-coming meth salesman.

But they told us this, and I'm riding to the hotel thinking, I'm going to be face down dead in a damn ditch now. This is how it ends, right here. Really? I mean, I don't want to talk up myself too much, but I feel like I could take a meth head. Maybe a crackhead. Apparently he was girthy.

Well, they know you're unarmed because you just came off a plane. So you're going to be hand-to-hand combat. You don't know what they might have. Yeah. I'm just saying. There's the rub. I mean, I think Uber has stringent

background checks. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure. Uber's not a sponsor tonight. Thank God. He probably still couldn't pass a drug test, but he's driving a cab. Postmates is a sponsor. We should be wary.

Yes, but we're not talking shit about Postmates. It's fucking wonderful. It's on the front of my fucking phone right now. Making sure you knew. Kyle will probably hit up Postmates a little later tonight. I'm making some delicious food in my slow cooker tonight. I'm cooking this chicken tortellini and spinach soup in there. It's going to be done

in like four hours because it's a slow cooker. We need to find you a date. She's in there fucking cleaning. What are you talking about? The perfect date. I got a date with some melatonin so I don't snack after the show. Are you saying you're going to Bill

Cosby yourself? Not eat. I take a lot of sleeping pills while I'm masturbating. You know what though you could you could do this the bill cosby diet i mean just say it i like it i actually um looked up now if you give the girls well it's older they're still awake enough there's not technically rape which i know there's in the late 90s. I looked up meal prep. Maybe the reason that I'm drawn towards bad foods is that I occasionally have a bad food.

You were like, they took away all the salt, all the sugar, everything you like, and then this was from your video I watched, and then you weren't hungry, and I was like, well, fuck, I'd like to not be hungry. That sounds cool. You know how you eliminate that stuff? It's not available, though. You don't have it in your hungry. That sounds cool. Maybe I do. You know how you eliminate that stuff. It's not available though.

You don't have it in your house. That's the kid. I need a, a big for nothing friend to empty my pantry. Right. But, but that, but see,

that's the thing. I don't have stopping since if it's there, just like my taxi cab driving buddy, if he was still hanging out at the meth house, he probably wouldn't be able to stop too good. You know what I'm saying? That's going to hinder his performance. Just like if I've got Pop-Tarts

in my cupboard, I'm going to eat them. I mean, I love Pop-Tarts. You've got to find the hybrid. Drug yourself to not eat, right? You put your two things together. You can't lose. I'm telling you. I'm pretty sure you still lose, but whatever.

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When you go to go.com. Spell G-O-A-T, goat.com slash pk. Is that part of the read? You mean did he phonetically spell out eh? No, no, he did not. That's all us. That's a little flavor that I add. You only get that here, guys. Only from me, yeah.

I had no idea that was a thing. A guy was telling me about that website the other day because i used to buy jordans and stuff when they come out in high school and stuff i was loved it but uh when i was playing basketball and things and i it was buying i i bought fake jordans on ebay before and it is it absolutely happens but i guess they i think they inventory it all i think you send your sneakers to them and they sell them. I don't know how it worked, but he loved it. This guy was raving about the goat.com. I didn't know it was a thing. Yeah. They gave us a little bit of credit to spend on their website. I ended up spending far,

far too much money on sneakers. Three quarters the amount to buy what you'd really want, right? Yeah. It got me almost there. And I was like, well, if I throw in 50 more dollars, oh, but 100 more dollars and I could get to... I spent too much money on sneakers. I don't even wear sneakers. I have a nice limiting factor for that, that when I wear

tennis shoes, I can't drive any of my cars and hit one pedal at a time. It's helped the hobby. What are you driving now, Ed? I still have a Lamborghini Murcielago. I love those. And, you know, they're old enough that pretty much all my cars are old enough. You own them for free.

You just kind of float it along. Bought a Ferrari 430 Scuderia. Love that thing. We're actually, we just launched a giveaway of my Porsche 993 when we hit a million subscribers on our YouTube channel. So we have like, we just passed 900,000. So in a couple of three months,3 when we hit a million subscribers on our YouTube channel. We just passed 900,000. In a couple of three months, we'll probably hit it.

We're going to give my car to one of our... At a million subscribers, we'll give it to one of our app users because that's what the Venwiki channel was designed to promote, was to get people to download the Venwiki app. They got to download the app and make 25 posts and they're eligible. It seems to be

working driving more converted traffic that away but um so that'll get out fairly soon trying to think got my wife a new gl63 mercedes or a new well-used one which is how you guys feeling about the electric cars cool not cool they're not from an perspective, they don't gain anything. But from a performance perspective, it's phenomenal. I mean, they're really fast. They're not that fun to drive in most cases because they're so heavy that they're not like handling cars. And they don't feel that like visceral raw that we all love. But you never meet somebody that has a Tesla that doesn't love it.

But they're new. That's the counterpoint I kind of make. Do you think it's because they own it already? You know what I mean? It's like one of those, like they got it. Now is not the time to have buyer's remorse. Here's my thing on Teslas. Four years ago, Tesla was selling what?

Like 10,000 cars a quarter? Now it's 100,000 cars a quarter. If you're talking to a Tesla owner, that car is probably like a 2017 or newer because they've all been sold recently. Yeah, I want to hear how much people love their eight-year-old Teslas, their 10-year-old Teslas when they get there.

How are those batteries holding up? Does it need a $ thousand dollar battery swap you know repair like that's what i'm curious about if you told me that my car was going to be awesome but six years in the gas tank shrunk in half and it didn't have the same power i'd be like man six years is not awesome for a car let's see right it's interesting because the the technology has made some of them depreciate pretty heavily so 2012 was the first model year for the model s tesla and those were all 60s i think 75s came out the next model year and then the 85s came out in 13 which was like the first really fast one what are these numbers 85 60s oh it's the kilowatt battery. Okay. It's essentially how the range increases and the ones where they have a D, a dual motor.

So they have a little bit more capacity and they go quite a bit faster because they're all wheel drive. But those still seem to have, you know, now seven years old, six years old, 85, 90% of original range. 90% of original range. So it's, it's pretty good, but it seems like lately they will unlock range in the temperatures that the batteries can take as the cars age to keep it up. It's, it's a very kind of voodoo thing. It's hard to really, it's all behind the scenes, but people have speculated that's what's happening. So the range is really not decreasing that much. But the charge times do, I believe it takes longer to charge them as they age. Yeah. And I'm really excited about how they, that's one of the things Tesla drivers love is their cars improve, right? They get new firmware updates. Suddenly the autopilot works better than before. Suddenly the screen, I have a Ford F-150 and I use Apple CarPlay and Apple CarPlay just had what to me is a major improvement. It's a simple thing, but it used to

be whichever app was on your phone was on your screen. Now that's decoupled. So you can have one app on your phone and one on your screen. Also, you can have split screen. So for example, if you have music and a map and you care about both, you can have that on the same screen as opposed to flipping back and forth. That is a massive improvement. Yeah, as a user experience. It's wide open. It's gotten way, way better. Usually, cars I have don't upgrade.

I buy them and then they just stay the same until I don't have them anymore. Right. But also, this is my problem with the upgrades. And I was talking to our buddy Kyleyle about this okay about him with this tesla it's impressive and he says yeah we get updates going down the road rolling updates do you know what my iphone does when i get an update and like it's two models old it starts crashing do you have those problems with your car? I hear you. Do you see what I'm saying?

Your hardware is out of date now. And so I buy into that as the same sort of we'll see that I have on the batteries. My phone, though, usually gets better. I like it. I just got the new update recently, and that's the one that came with Apple CarPlay and dark mode. And I'm like, yeah, this is an improvement. The voicemail UI changed a little bit. So did the texts.

And I used to have an Android, and it didn't update like the Apple did. It seemed like the phone you bought was more or less the phone you kept. People are going to say I'm wrong about that, but that was my experience back in the day. Well, since we set the New York to LA record in 2013, the electric car record, I think has been set 10 times. So you think like in that period of time, the advancement, and it's all technology based because every time a Tesla with a higher number comes out and they add more supercharging stations, it gets better. And that's one of the reasons that we don't have manual gearboxes anymore. It's because what car manufacturers want to sell new cars and they need to find ways to easily make them a little bit better. And in the 2000s, the way you did that for performance cars was sequential manual gearboxes

getting better. As you had more emissions requirements and more safety requirements and cars had to get heavier, you just couldn't keep making them more powerful, which had been the trend for the prior 20 years. And so what we saw in the 2000s essentially resulted in, if I want to sell a guy the newest Porsche, Ferrari, Lamborghini, Maserati, anything like that, the best way to do it as a manufacturer was to make the transmission a little bit better. And that's why we saw the eradication of manual gearboxes. Right now, if you want to make a car better in a consumer's eyes from the things that they're going to immediately understand, like how much it costs to run on a daily basis, how far it will go before it requires maintenance. Electrification works

really, really well for that. And that's why we're seeing so much development there. Now, in the Obama era, we saw it because of tax benefits, because you could essentially have the government pay the entire lease of a $35,000 car, like a Nissan Leaf or a BMW i3, which was more money. But it was one of those things where people were owning these cars so inexpensively because of an external factor to what they thought they wanted. And we're seeing that with electric cars. It's working and it's probably good for the consumer, but we're going to look back on it years from now, like we do with manual cars. Those of us that like driving them and say, yeah, we did actually lose something that we really did like.

Yeah. Electric to me isn't the cool part about Tesla. I know some people like that. I know that the performance is there. But one of my use cases is I often tow a trailer to Georgia and I can do it on one tank of gas. I think I'd supercharged twice making that same trip with a Tesla truck. And then I had another thing i lost it but oh oh if i was going to run cross country with it electric car wouldn't it be clever to mount like a generator in the trunk it doesn't work like that i've already tried that

yeah i mean i've seen a little one. But there's big household generators. They put 220 out. I even thought about pulling one on a trailer behind you, like one of the big industrial ones. It doesn't work like that. I'll try. Put a big diesel one on there that runs a farm. You're rolling coal in a fucking Tesla.

And I'm doing it for the environment. It's like plugging a power strip into itself and thinking it can the environment. It's like plugging a power strip into itself and putting a solar panel next to the light bulb. This has to work. This has to keep it going. I just feel like I'm not... To me, the electric... It has to work.

It has to have a little more energy. My biggest problem with the electric car is it's cool, but I'll look at it like a novelty. When you drive them, hell, I drove Kyle's car. It's great. It's cool. Do we know Kyle? Kyle, the guy that holds the record for the electric.

He currently holds the New York to LA electric car record. 45 hours, 16 minutes. That guy. We were talking about it, and I drove it. It's cool but it has no soul like nothing you step on the accelerator pedal it's the equivalent to stepping on a damn plum there's nothing there i hear you know what i mean but i've seen what you drive a camaro with 550 horsepower that has heart and soul and your pickup truck is that your

pickup truck i've seen in the videos it It's black, it has rims. I've got several pickup trucks. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so my observation is you're a guy who highly values soul in a car. Exactly. You might think my F-150 has no soul as well, but I still like it. Well, I mean, it is fine.

I mean, some people like Fords. I mean, it's just whatever. But that's my problem with the Lakers. Some people like them. We've covered that I'm retarded already. Don't rub it in. If you're into being second best, it's okay. But, well, no, it's nice.

What's nice? The new Dodge. The new Dodge is nice. On the inside in particular. And like I said, there's nothing wrong with third place. I mean, it's good. You said earlier, bronze is great. We're all proud of it.

The display screen in the center of the Dodge's dash is as big as my fucking monitor here. It's outrageous. It's Tesla-sized. Tesla-sized. What you got at is exactly right. What we're looking for out of a car is not necessarily satisfied by a Tesla,

but the fact they're selling 100,000 cars a quarter means that there are plenty of people that want an appliance for mobility. And that's what it is. I mean, because of all the things Tesla has done well, they have done better batteries and better infrastructure and all that. The thing they've done worlds better than anybody else, mostly because they were too big to take such risks, is autopilot. And if you talk to any Tesla owner of, like you say, a 2017 or newer car in particular, the fact that it drives them to work in traffic mostly by itself and they can sit there texting or doing whatever they want is the thing that will keep them from buying any other car. There was an article I saw, and I just read the headline because it was on a Facebook share thing that said Audis have had the same self-driving capability since like 2018, 2017, but they

haven't deployed it because it's really not legal. But Tesla just said, we don't care, we're going to do it. And that's where the innovation, the same way Uber said, we don't care. We're going to do it. And that's where the innovation, the same way Uber said, we don't care if it's an unlicensed taxi, we're just going to do it, does disrupt. And that's what they've done exceptionally well. And I think that's where most of the fanboyism comes from, is in those types of things that all they got to do is get to work. And it does that better than anything else. But that's also a lot of the changing times and what people are looking for. While you're seeing manual transmission cars going away, you have kids now that aren't into cars like that.

They're into the technology, just like the Dodge truck with the big screen on there. That's great. When it breaks down, you've got something to watch. But I mean, you see where I'm getting at, but that's the thing. They're looking at that. You're selling me. Are there any games in this truck? But you see where I'm getting at that's the thing they're looking at that you're selling me are there any games in this truck

but you see where I'm getting at it's just changing now I got a customer of mine I've sold this man several cars and he was talking about his son he's 17 years old and refuses to get his license because he likes to be driven to school that way he can do

his social media and everything so he can't use his phone in class and all that that's the thing it's a changing time now when my daughter you got a self-driving car no brainer when my daughter was 16 she didn't really want her license which i couldn't get with and we had the driver to school so i just tortured her by listening to lord of the Rings audiobooks. Which is not like... If you're just getting bits and pieces of it and listening to this 112-year-old man imitate foghorns and shit. She's like, are they in the mines of Moria?

I can't follow. No, they left the mines when I was doing errands. They're somewhere else. I missed it. I actually met Game of Thrones. They're in the Golden Forest now. It's the same. Yeah, they left them lines when I was doing errands. They're somewhere else. I missed it. I actually meant Game of Thrones. They're in the Golden Forest now. It's the same. Yeah, they're in the Golden Forest.

I heard that Apple CarPlay is the most requested teenage car feature for people's first car. That's the thing they want more than anything else. What competes with it? There must be a parallel for manufacturers that don't use CarPlay. You don't know? I don't know. Don't they have a sync? What is the code?

Ford has a sync, but you just run CarPlay on top of it. I have that and I just go straight away from it as fast as possible. See, I don't even have... I have one car out of seven with a working radio. Okay. All right. Yeah. So we're at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Yeah. Because again, it's just, there's different things. And really when you talk about like selling used cars is the Superbowl of manipulating people. But the way you do that is by hearing what it is they really want out of a car and But the way you do that is by hearing what it is they really want out of a car and then moving them towards something that might surprise them, but actually does fit that. So there's a genuine nature to it, but that still may end up in a self-serving outcome. A car salesman was telling me about another customer of his, and it was a woman and it was really critical the direction that the center console opened i forget what she wanted but it had i think she wanted it to flip

away from her and they just went from like car to car to chart car looking at all the center consoles until she got what she needed and that was her that was that's what she valued that's the hot button issue yeah i sold it i sold a car to an indian man who was buying a car for his son. And it quickly became apparent that he only cared about his price point. It didn't make a fuck. We ended up over in the lot where we had cars that were to be auctioned off. You know, trade-ins come in. It's like, oh, we're not keeping the cargo van that smells like tuna fish. We'll send that to the auction.

And I'm like, we have this lovely. we're not keeping the cargo van that smells like tuna fish. We'll send that to the auction. And I'm like, we have this lovely Ford van here. And we get into it and it's boiling Atlanta heat. It's in the car. It's literally 115, 120 degrees. And the windows roll down and I'm trying to get mine down and it's squeaking and stuff. And he's like, are you sure we could do this for $1,500? And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, $1,500 a buyer. I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

Yeah, you can be out the door. You want to chip in just so he'll take it. $1,450 if we go to the air conditioning right now. With docking fee, you're out the door, $2,200 tops. You're good here. This is the one for you, I think. right now with with docking fee you're out the door 2200 tops you're good here this is this is the one for you i think and he's like i'm like but you know no air conditioning like i said he's like no problem i couldn't believe it i felt so sorry for i this hypothetical because the kid's

not even there which i think is a shitty thing to do if you don't you should bring the kid with you who's getting the car. My cousin Scott, he didn't get his choice whenever he got one of his cars when he was 17. When you're 17, you want a car that you can put a girl in or a car that you can put a bunch of friends in.

That's what I've noticed and what I experienced. He wanted a Camaro. Some guys want a Tahoe or something they can throw all their buddies in, something like that. It's usually one of those or wanted a Camaro. Some guys want like a Tahoe or something. They can throw all their buddies in, something like that. It's usually one of those, or maybe a pickup truck. He really wanted a Camaro. And his dad came back with a Ford Taurus, you know, with the wavy side,

then that baby blue color. He literally drove it. That's a sexy automobile right there. He was so angry. And this is not a family of means. Okay. He drove it into water and totaled it two months later and said it was an accident. There was like a, it was, there was, there was a big, heavy rainstorm. The creek was overflowing across a little road and he just drove straight into the water, rolled the window down, swam out the car. It was that high,

like it was above the windowsill. And, and he, he, he, he did, he admitted it to me when we were grown men, like, like, like a few years ago, he told me this, this happens when he's 17 and we're like 27 years old. He's like, I was like, remember that time that there was that flash flood and you got caught up in it. He's like, Kyle, I drove that thing into that. I was getting no pussy. Nobody wanted to get into that fucking Ford Taurus, Kyle. I couldn't do it anymore. Statue of limitations on insurance fraud had long since passed.

Yeah, exactly. There was a guy in my high school who had a truck every bit as bad as the Indian one you sold. Yeah. And but this guy was just like god's gift to women you know he was naturally he was a football player and everything about him was what girls like and uh he pulled he wasn't a close friend of mine or anything but he saw me and he pulled up he's like what how you doing i'm like i'm great what are you up to he's got a load of women in the back and he like even with them, he's like, oh, it's fucking awesome.

Girls, I throw a sick pack in there, all four of them are drunk. They're like, we sure are. We sure are. And we're in. The windows are dark. No one even knows we're in here. You could do anything.

Yeah, it wasn't an invitation. It just was showing off how cool he was i think did i tell you about the insurance fraud bugatti that the guy drove purposefully into the lake last time oh no no no okay because i was the one that kept changing hands over and over and nobody could deal with like the the repairs i think i watched your youtube video about it so i'll shut up okay because it was about the same time, I think, that I was on last time I was trying to buy it.

And it was the same situation. This guy had bought a Veyron for like 900 grand, but had it insured for 2.2 million and couldn't sell it. And he drove it into the Galveston Bay. And he claimed that a pelican had flown in front of him and that he'd been distracted and just turned the wheel and went straight into the water. But there happened to be a kid camera phone filming in the oncoming lanes.

And you hear him say, I think that's a Lambo dude. And at that moment, the thing just careens into the water. And this guy, his insurance company sees it and they're like, well, there's no Pelican in front of you. Oh no. And so he went to prison for 10 months for insurance fraud for it.

And in that time, he had filed an insurance claim on it, obviously, and the insurance company had paid a local shop, which was owned by a friend of his, to disassemble it and make an estimate. And that friend, while he was in prison, mechanics leaned the car and got the insurance company to give it to him. And then he had sold it to this guy who had been laundering money through a dealership in Vegas, I think. That guy either went to jail or went bankrupt or both. So he ended up getting the car back again. And then the guy who drove it originally got out of prison and was brokering the car for sale on Facebook, taken apart, completely disassembled. And he was trying to sell it for like, it was 300 grand, which is a lot, but it's a million dollar car, but it's in a million pieces, right? He said it was in a 3,500 square foot warehouse,

totally filling up every inch. It that far that much apart and i uh i went back and forth with him trying to buy it because it'd be like the perfect youtube rebuild car ever yeah but it it probably never would have run and he he ended up selling it to somebody else but uh i mean crazy situation i mean if they get a hit a roadblock maybe we'll try to buy it again but uh one of those epic insurance fraud things. That seems so scary. I would have gotten away with it. You know why?

Because my first instinct was Pelican. You should have went with Yellow Jacket. Bees! That's it. Bees! Or Snake. You could have said somebody threw a snake in there. Like anything.

I would take a snake bite rather than 10 months in state prison yellow jackets are pretty much invisible like there'd be no camera proof there was no yellow sure it worked in dumb and dumber it did that would be such a scary proposition getting that car for god no like half a million dollars i don't know as it sits whatever that it's worth but then like hoping that you could get it back together because that doesn't seem like your average, like shade tree mechanic reassembly. That seems like you gotta, you need a fucking rocket scientist there next to you, an actual Bugatti mechanic who's certified and,

and then getting the parts. They're, they're insane. I mean the, you know, the, the tires are $22,000, 5,500500 each.

And you have to have them installed either in France or there's one place in California that can do it. An annual service is $21,000. It has 12 or 14 radiators, and all of them are rusted because it was like brackish water. So, you know, the trend amongst automotive YouTube channels is these salvage car rebuilds. And it's not really what we do. Guys like me and Rob sit around telling car stories, but this is the Super Bowl of rebuilding some terrible example of a really, really cool car. It makes sense in that regard, but you can't really fund it with sponsors or with the views. Obviously, they're not that valuable, but I have always loved Bugatti.

Yeah, Bugatti would have to almost sponsor that video. And they have disavowed all knowledge of this car. They will not help you or somebody. Yeah, they don't want a part of that one. Yeah, I guess not. There are channels that... Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

There are channels that do that rebuild thing with Teslas which I think is interesting because it's a different skill set and to me it's a very uncommon skill set there are lots of guys who've learned about motors and transmissions and drive trains generations passed on but how exactly you put a multimeter on a tesla and get it to do things again is weird so i like watching them fumble their way through it sometimes yeah and it seems like i don't remember the specifics but it's like tesla doesn't like you to do that and you know you're voiding all

of the warranties you know that's not something they they want you to be doing and it makes sense because fucking 15 ford focuses could explode into fireballs next week and be like ah whoops one tesla fucking like sit fucking sizzles a little bit. They're like, are these electric cars out to murder us? Tonight at nine. Come on. They keep catching on fire until all

the cells of the batteries burn. I am familiar with those types of batteries and they are incredibly volatile. You're saying they're better at fire. They are the best at fire. Are there videos online of Teslas and enormous fireballs? I don't know about that,

but have you ever seen one of those videos of someone, they've got one of those big vaporizers, you know, like a vape pen, but it's not a pen. It's like the block. Those use the same type of batteries or at least a similar type.

Those are like professional vapors. Professional vapors. Yeah, they got like the setup. It's a hobby hobby if that thing goes bad or even if it gets a dent in it like a like if you took a hammer and i'm not talking about really rearing back like you're driving a nail if you just tap that thing those cells crush against one another and start this sort of chain reaction where they just start overheating and melting and as one cell melts it melts the one next to it and so on and so on. It creates this incredibly intense

fireball in your fucking pocket. It's crazy to see. We used to fuck with those batteries a lot. Just blowing them up and just having fun with them. They're scary. If you're a fire department and you put water on it, it gets real bad real fast. Water does not work on that

now. Water makes it worse. Smoking was dangerous dangerous i'm just saying water i've never i've never had a marble blow up on me not once make it worse like i get it with grease how it spreads the flammable material and it doesn't yeah i think it's electricity right but i just thought it would have maybe no impact it would continue to burn that must be i don't know it I'll have to look into it. It just keeps going. Right.

I've seen a bunch of like different instances. Like we had those, remember the, those things they called hoverboards that were real popular. That didn't hover at all. Like sideways. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Richard Brian was doing a video, one of those where he was like shooting through the spokes of it with a machine gun. And we were out in the desert doing this and it was terrifying to see just how much explosive I guess you're riding along on on a daily basis when you're riding in a

one of those hoverboards. It was terrifying to see it go off. They burn houses down. Oh yeah. Oh, it would have absolutely burned a house down. It was crazy. It burns like thermite. Hoverboard exploding compilation. That's not the kind of compilation I watch, Taylor. That's a compilation.

Yeah, that's a whole different class of video. Yeah, those batteries are pretty scary. They're fun to play with, though. And the idea of driving 190 miles per hour down the highway that's 150 times bigger than what you're carrying around in your pocket is a little scary. But hey, it's not as dangerous as a fucking Pinto. Yeah carrying around your pocket is a little scary but hey it's not like it's not as dangerous as a fucking pinto yeah how dangerous is a tank of gas

with gas vapors in it stop using your logic yeah how many pintos had to get rear-ended before they took them off the market consumer reports fraud taylor that was never true oh okay there was one was it silverado's hitting the side that was a Consumer Reports fraud? That was bull. Of course, you say it was. The saddlebag tanks. Oh, I forgot. You're the Chevy guy.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm the truth guy. I choose my own truth, Rabbit. I do prefer Chevrolets. We always... Dad would buy a new Chevrolet pickup like every three years or something like that since like the 80s or something like that.

And the 2002 one that we've got, it's approaching 300,000 miles. And the only thing we've ever had to do to it is the fuel pumps go bad. The fuel pumps on those go bad like every 80,000 miles. And at this point point we're good at it freaky transmission issue might have been the um oh i don't want to talk about the 2014

shit silverado that that's i i i don't know how much money i've put into it what do you and i don't want to know i i've four different transmission guys and they're all just like, we don't know what's happening. I'm not that brand loyal. It's a ghost in a machine. I do think in 2018, Ford made the best truck. And then in 2019, both Chevy and Dodge updated

and that equation changes. But that's not when I bought mine. I don't know, Rob. I'm reading right here that they exploded. These Chevy trucks exploded. This is autosafety.org. Yes. It sounds credible.

And I can also read about Sasquatch also, but I mean... Does it have a.org? They're not handing those out like candy. You can go to sasquatchisreal.fun or something if you want.

Sasquatch is.real. or something if you want. SasquatchIs.real. Yes, it's.real. I worked with the guy that sold the Audi in the 80s that got the unintended acceleration lawsuit. He worked at Lamborghini Atlanta with me for a while, and he had sold the one. If you shifted from, I guess, park into drive, it would go through reverse.

And if you didn't have your foot on the brake, it would catch in reverse and launch itself backwards. And so that's why all Audis have a light when you're in park that has a foot on a brake to remind you now that you have to put your foot on the brake to shift it out of park because it drove through some guy's living room there has to be a better solution than an idiot light like people are getting hurt better put a light i heard that lexus did find a better solution that when the parking sensors come on the backup camera and the front camera that they have start recording.

It saved them millions and tens of millions of dollars in lawsuits because it goes to some black box that the consumer can't catch, but it records the last seconds of an accident if it happens and proves it wasn't their fault because they had a similar lawsuit at some point.

Don't you have to hold the brake to take it out of park? Or is that not how it works? Maybe I just do that out of habit. Yeah, I always hold the brake to take it out of park. You do have a lockout. So are they holding the brake, getting it out of park, getting it into reverse, getting off the brake, and then going to drive?

I believe in the 80s they didn't have lockouts. So you could just move the gear shift freely and it would catch in the first thing it got to which is reverse on its way to drive that's an attention getter that's what that is that's right with the attention of your body man

I'm thinking about getting a new car. I think I'm going to build this fucking kid car. Are you not happy with your Camaro? I love my Camaro. I just want something that is stupid. I was thinking that Camaro was too sensible.

2012 Supersport. But I want something silly. I love that this thing has a corvette drivetrain i love that it looks like a supercar i love that if i hit something and it's just gonna fucking explode like it's made out of balsa wood buy one of those giant mercedes vans and you put a bunch of fun stuff in the back like shag carpet and video games and like an open ball what yeah sure do that like an open fire kyle i'm, do that. Like an open bar. Kyle, I'm thinking if you like cars that explode when you hit shit,

even though it has a Corvette drivetrain, have you considered putting lithium batteries in the front anyway? Just as a warhead, you know? Yeah, I don't know. I kind of want a project, too. I'd like to work on something. You know, I like building cars. We haven't built one in a while.

I think the weather's getting right for it. You have your own preference, but if I were to build a car, I think a Georgia winter would be about right. A Georgia winter? Yeah, that's what we're headed into, right? I wouldn't melt doing it over the summer. Oh, Dad's got ac in his shop okay yeah

it stays nice and chilly in there so you know there's a lift and two bays and paint and body shit and is that new i know he did some construction lately but that was like a fun house thing not a um oh that was when he when uh when the first when he when he was first divorcing my mom he was like fuck it She can have the house. I'm going to build a little shed over here, and I'm going to live in it. And then he was like, you know what? I kind of want to keep my house. I'll just write her a check.

And so, but yeah, the shop there, I don't remember its exact specifications when you were there. But since then, he's dropped the roof in one of the bays. So it's not that big tall roof or whatever. It's dropped down and it's all insulated and there's air conditioning and air filters for the paint and body work and all that stuff. He's got a lift

in the second so he can lift cars up and stuff. It'd be a fun project. They're great. It's an excuse to spend time with your dad and like like i've never worked on anything like that before something that's all brand new parts mostly except for what you're recovering from the corvette everything that we always built was like those old cars you know they'd be a 67 camaro that was a little banged up you know there'd be

paint and body work there'd be bondo to put on and we'd be starting with something that had some rust on it but this would be kind of new new parts new pieces i don't know kind of interested i need to do a little more research i definitely want a car with air conditioning and a radio that that's fucking important to me like if i can't get this thing with some creature comforts in it i you know i don't just care about a 500 horsepower death rocket yeah radio yeah it'd be a go-kart. The kit will not include those things. So you can add anything you want to it, but it's going to be like a vintage air kind of conversion thing.

Kyle, am I crazy? I thought the kit had AC as an option. I might be thinking of a different kit. It might. I looked at several of those kit cars, you know, a few months back. I was looking at those little roadsters at first. But the door of that thing is this thick. And I'm pretty sure there's nothing on the inside of that fiberglass.

It's just a fiberglass sandwich with, like, some foam in the middle. That seemed like an actual death trap. You can put things in there, shred a newspaper, whatever you want. Some chicken wine or something like that. It's like like a pinata but bits of me come out you know i like the way you're thinking candy is what you should be putting in there yeah it could be a glorious day when you meet your end i've never crashed a car i've never even had a fender bender or anything um a deer hit me one time i did not hit it I wonder what his side of the story is his eye was hanging out

fuck him though he fucked up my he hit you in the side he hit me in the side I was going like 35 and he crashed I had an Acura TL I don't know what trim levels the sporty one and he fucking ran right into the

what happened to my friend this summer. Yeah, fuck deer. Fuck deer. Yeah. So here's how my friend this summer went down. I was following him and I saw it. The deer ran into the side, hit the car. The deer made it like, I'm going to call it 50 yards and stopped there.

But it was alive, but it wasn't doing well. So he said, Woody, you have a gun in the car i probably didn't have one but he got that and uh then he was gonna shoot it and then the uh other people were like no you're not supposed to kill the deer the police want to like see it on or read it miranda writes i'm reading like I'm using molested wrong, but they want to see the deer unmolested. They don't want him altering the evidence of how it went down. And I'm like...

It was like heavy breathing. What is he talking about? What's the deer going to tell them? The deer is telling me not only was he hit by the car, he was also molested. There's deer antlers back here uh in our set that some a fan sent me after i told a story of hitting a deer in my first lamborghini i'd had it for like six months and i was going to a wedding where we had it i don't know if it was rented out for like a getaway car or something and this we were driving along this you know about this time of year which i guess is when deer become interested in procreating and it gallops

up next to me and i'm slowing down and then it trips over itself and falls in front of the car and i'm like seven miles an hour pop the thing and it slides 50 yards and shakes it off and then gallops off to make more stupid deer. As I was editing that video... You can tell you and I have an outdoorsman, Ed. You can tell the deer is stupid because it already ran into him.

My deer survived the crash. In the video, I said that it had big horns, which I was informed is not what deers have. They have antlers. It's the difference. And as I was editing this video, there were literally four or five deer that came to my window at my house and were looking in at me. They're plodding.

Billy, tell us what you did we had a dead deer in my front yard so like yeah so your dog's i'm not a deer person the electric fence doesn't let them go there but not a deer person was it unmolested well at first it was it was so uh initially anyway there's a deer in my front yard my wife is bringing me over like this is some sort of emergency. Honey, it's fine. So I decide to let nature take care of it. That was plan A. And it worked for a little while. For like the first two or three days, we have dozens of vultures just feasting on it nonstop. they wore out a circle of grass around this deer and uh

i wasn't getting too close to it because it was stinky we mowed around it and uh and like i didn't realize the vultures left they stopped but it was covered with insects so i'm like hey don't give up on nature yet and then even then like it just it wasn't making progress I didn't I didn't see it so I take the tractor and I pick it up by these big antlers and all my friends are like dude are you gonna you gotta like mount it are you gonna do anything like no it's disgusting it smells horrible it's its skin is now I didn, when I picked it up by the antlers, most of the deer is gone. It stayed together. It didn't go bad.

But its eyes were gone and its skin was just wrapped around bone with no guts in it. The guts have been eaten out by, I guess, the vultures or maybe they just leaked or something. I carried it over to an unused part of the yard. So what are we having for dinner tonight

the vultures got it i wish i could do something but yeah now it exists over there rotting away colin wanted to see it i took him a few weeks later roughly the same yeah there's a lot we had we had a cow die one time and it died in a part of the property where we didn't go very often and i and we didn't notice that it was dead until usually when one dies, you take the backhoe and dig a hole and get rid of it. Right where it lied, please. Yeah. Yeah.

Just, you know, dig your hole right next to it. Bump it with the arm, throw him in the hole and he's gone. But this cow had gotten in a very bad way. She was like bloated and blown apart. And like the vultures couldn't find her, I guess, where she was because there was an overhang. She died on the fence line a lot of trees overhanging there and apparently they didn't find her and she's just full of maggots it's disgusting gallons of maggots and i and and i'm like scott look at this my cousin what are we gonna do and he's like what

do you mean what are we i was like we got something. Well, the maggots eat the rotten meat. It's still good. I was like, let's blow her up. He's like, hell yeah, let's blow her up. You want to get a pipe bomb or some ammonium nitrate? And I'm like, I think ammonium nitrate for this. We're going to need a big boom. So we put about 15 fucking pounds of tannerite and and wrapped it up nice and tight like in a i won't go youtube has this whole bomb making description thing but let's just say i made some tannerite and i shoved the package into her guts and then pushed it a little bit deeper into

her it was molested push the package nice and nice. Way up there, Morty. Got it into her mass. And then we backed off a little bit and shot her with an SKS. And it smelled so bad there for a month. It scattered rotten, must have been 800, 900 pounds of rotten beef across a blast area. It was the most disgusting smell ever. It was awesome. It was awesome.

It hangs out for a bit. I landed my paramotor just like two days ago. And I'm like, huh, look at this. This part of the yard is a little different. There's feathers here. And I was like, oh, right. I'm standing where the deer was. Feathers here.

And I was like, oh, right. I'm standing where the deer was. And then we blew a pig up one time. I grew up on a cattle farm where you had a backhoe. See, I grew up on a small cattle farm. So when we had a cow die, we had to ditch dig it with a shovel. That's a big ditch. It is a big ditch, especially if they get bloated.

It's a bigger ditch than if you don't blow them up. No, it was a cattle farm and a poultry farm So the backhoe was a requirement I got you Definitely had to have one Okay, what do you use backhoes for In poultry Burying the dead poultry When they die

Thousands and thousands You start with 120,000 If only 1% dies You've got hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of dead chickens. And cack-killable. Dozens. Dozens of thousands.

911 times a thousand. We don't drink the groundwater over there. One time we were filming and we we had these pig carcasses that we bought we bought them from these mennonites and uh they were real nice people and they were like we were buying a whole hog basically just gutted you know like the kind of thing that you would like cook a pig in the ground you know it's got the head and everything and i think we bought three of them we bought at least two and they like, you guys having a big old cookout. Yeah.

I think it was Sunday or Saturday or something like that. So they thought we're having like the whole church. I guess they envisioned a whole church picnic and, and all the parishioners gathered around to have some pork. And I, I wasn't going to say anything, but Scott was like, Oh no,

we're going to shoot that one with a flamethrower and we're going to blow this one up. But I think we're going to beat it up a little first. You know, like Rocky? And they looked at him like, oh, all that good meat? No. No, don't do it.

He wanted to back out of the sale. He didn't want to sell it to us anymore because of what we're going to do to it. What? Well, that's how I feel about donating my grandmother to science. Yeah. Wouldn't that be so funny if you could donate other people's body to science? It's like, yeah, he says he wanted to be a really nice coffin,

but at the very, very, very end, he saw the price and said, blow me up. No, I would like to be a liar. Are you calling me a liar? I don't care what they do with me. Do you? No, not at all. What if they want to do something really embarrassing to you, though?

They have to pretend I'm still alive. Like a bodies exhibit? Worse than that. Much worse than that. What if they want to take your skin and put it on a sex robot? Oh, am I doing the fucking? Oh, no, you are a bottom bitch. I mean, as long as I'm cared for, cleaned and appreciated. Oh, no cleaning.

Oh, I'm just some. Well, I guess it wouldn't be my ass. It was in because my skin's on the outside. It's the silicone pocket pussy that's coming in. No, they're going to save your rectum. They keep my – everything's the skin, but they keep my rectum intact. Just that. Just that.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. You thought about it. I just don't care. I just don't care what they do to me. Although one time I saw one of those shows on the Discovery Channel where I think what they were doing is they were looking at how bodies decompose in various scenarios. And then with that data, they could then apply it in the field when they found a body in those scenarios. And they would be more apt to be able to determine how long has this body been in a hot car? Is this a day or is this a week? They decompose very differently in those scenarios.

And they put a woman's body in a hot car and left it out in the sun. And they go check on it every few days. Did she start off hot? It's important. I can picture being that researcher going out there like, still gross. Inspected at 12.30pm.

What's your data, doctor? It is absolutely disgusting. I won't lie to you. Day one through three, a little bit fuckable. But you're fucking it. Before on, no thank you I'd have to say it's you and me day 48 we're taking the car back to Hertz

have you ever just pull back into fucking national. What are you talking about? It smelled like this when I got it. Sir, sir, sir, you said no smoking. I did not smoke in this car.

I did not smoke. No, call your manager. Ask. I did not. Find me a speck of ash in this car. I bought the insurance. Isn't this covered on scratch and ding? Come on. Nothing bigger than a dollar. I bought the insurance so you can let it rot.

Have you ever seen the movie Dead Girl? That should be the next Mr. Beast video. Have you ever seen the movie Dead Girl, Taylor? I have not. Or maybe, is it like a shitty horror? You know, the premise is basically these guys find a dead girl and she's like a zombie

and they keep her chained up and fuck her. Oh, it's like a family film. Yeah. Yeah. It's Disney. Dead Girl. I can't remember if it's Pixar or Disney.

It's fucked. It's distributed by Dark Sky Films. 101 minutes of this. You think they could cover it in 10, right? Oh, man. Okay, I gotta watch this now. This seems pretty...

Did you link it? You're going to just start watching it now and give us a play-by-play? I'll commentate it as I go. I just looked at the Wikipedia page. Oh, wow. What the hell? Yeah. It looks like a pussy at first, but then you're like, ah, it's dead girl's lips.

I'm glad you told everyone that. You know what I'm saying? Nobody already got that. Up until now, the show was PG-13, Taylor. Yeah, we have audio listeners. They need to know what that vagina looks like. The majority of people don't watch it. They listen, so we're providing a service.

From the producer of Hellraiser and Heathers. Heathers was good. Hellraiser was good. I watched Hellraiser last night. I don't want to see it now. Are you talking about the original Hellraiser, Kyle? Yeah, of course. Clyde Barker. The same girls in all of them.

Yeah, it's good stuff. Pinhead, the bad guy. Last Halloween, my girlfriend was like, let's watch this. Hellraiser's awesome. I've always scrolled past it, looking at the pinhead thing and been like, this looks dumb. Way better movie than I thought it would be. That's a quality horror flick.

I like that more than the Michael Myers ones. Oh, yeah. It's real fucked up. It's kind of like torture porn. That's kind of the whole point of it is that the Cenobites, when they come, he's like, some think of us as demons, other as angels. It's like, fuck, you're definitely a demon, dude. Who think of us as demons, other as angels. He's like, fuck, you're definitely a demon, dude.

Who thinks of you as an angel? You just ripped that man apart with fish hooks and wire. Yeah, that was a fucked up scene. And it's old enough that the gore is more funny than it is scary. No, I disagree because they're practical effects. Everything's in camera. There's very, very little CGI. There's only like two scenes in that movie that don't look good.

Those look like real body parts and stuff. And as the guy's reanimating, as he's feeding on the... The premise is this guy opens a puzzle box. Demons come. They rip him to pieces. But some blood sprinkles on the floor, and it reanimates him. But he's just not a whole person. He's like a skeleton with a little meat on it.

And the woman loved him so much that she's seducing men, bringing them to the attic, and then hammer murdering them so that he can feed on their corpses. And slowly, he's adding more and more flesh to his body. It's fucked. It's fucked. I recommend it highly. It was funnier in black.

Yeah, the guy who wore that guy's skin was kind of funny. Oh yeah, D'Onofrio. That guy's played by D'Onofrio. The guy who plays Kingpin in the Daredevil series and also the guy from Full Metal Jack in I Am in a World of Shit.

I think he's also uh the guy who got naked in oz as he's being marched down one of the corridors maybe maybe you didn't like as much as i did well i was looking at going to prison at the time so it was a little dark you know what hindsight's 2020 on that you might like it more this time around but now you can watch that and be like totally unrealistic no i no they went to real fucking scary town prison for for hardened criminals i went i went to the camp that that looked fucking terrifying no and that's not a good show i hate oz like you get to i won't spoil it i will spoil it because no one should ever watch it it's so awful he never gets out of prison folks all he did was drunk drive run over a kid and he ends up in prison for life by the end he

keep he has to do things that extend his sentence for his own safety you know like he he's got to be a bad guy he's got to hurt someone he's got to get revenge otherwise we'll just keep picking on him and that's how it goes right my bicycle target there yeah and then they just like will rape him anyway yeah well i mean some of those were loving scenes taylor yeah that thing he had with that grappler dude was real it was and kurt schillinger head nazi grand poobah nazi yeah i think he developed some feelings the guy from the allstate commercials yeah yeah he's like are you in good hands or whatever the fuck all-state is i don't remember head nazi guy was cast wrong i think i don't think he was he wasn't that physically intimidating oh i think he got let me see if i can find an image of like he's maybe like um so it's crazy guys are divided divided into like Mexican black and white. The black guys looked like wide receivers in the NFL.

The white big bad guy looked like me. Yeah, but the white big bad guy had his enormous Aryan henchmen all around him. And he was just kind of like, fuck that guy up. Fuck that guy up. Yeah. I want to say that the Aryan Nation makes up for 1% of the prison population and yet they

do like 90% of the violent offenses in prison because they're just so extreme and they're so organized whereas the other groups are whatever. And they run into thugs. So they got power and shit. Yeah. I think MS-13, they're in prison too.

And they're a real deal powerful gang. Donald Trump tells me so. Yeah, well, you know, he's never been wrong. Name me 100 times he's been wrong. Off the top of your head. Oh, you can't here's a picture of jk simmons who is the actor who plays schillinger uh he it's on it's from a website called mancrushes.com oh someone let the air out of his right tit yeah you know but but

still muscular right this is an older gentleman he He's got some deltoid definition there. Some tricep. He looks like he's been lifting some rocks. The last time I saw him, like a preview for a movie, it was like something about bands, like a band, and he was screaming at a drummer for not being good enough. It looked awful. I didn't watch that.

What was it called? Angry Band. Why does he have one peck? That's what I was saying. It looks like he had a mastectomy and it didn't go well. This isn't from Oz, right? I think it is.

Oh, maybe it is. I think I can beat this guy up. He's 5'10", so he's not like a big guy. Yeah, I think he was miscast I think there's better tougher guys so how do they when you got that swastika on your ass

in the middle oh so Kyle in Dead Girl is the dead girl constantly decomposing is she at like a point of zombieism that they're fucking or having a goodosing is she at like a point of zombieism that they're they're fucking or having a good time like is she so part of the is she like limp and nothing or active she's active

uh she's not a dead fish or anything she's dead girl uh the way i remember it her decomposition seems to have been arrested by whatever uh has reanimated her and so wizardry perhaps some wizardry some dark magic if you will uh and uh and and like the guy's like fucking her he's got like got her chained up to a bed in like a factory like a like a like the you know is that a business or something oh cool yeah and it doesn't go it doesn't end well i haven't seen in years though it doesn't sound like the middle part goes well or the beginning goes well. Yeah, there's not a good part of the movie, if I'm being completely honest. It's a movie about fucking a zombie.

My cousin and I used to joke about that. It's a new Oscar category. Yeah. Yeah, that's... Hottest reanimated course. And the nominees are not present because we've removed that category. It's disgusting. Well, I mean, this movie looks, I'm not going to say good,

but it certainly looks like a movie I'll watch. It is a movie. Can't take that away from it. Oh, Jenny Spain plays the naked zombie. She actually is hot. If you want to like Google her name and like plug that into Google images and then see what she looks like when she's not a zombie sex slave,

good looking lady. 39. Pass. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. It's funny. How's the podcast viewership, listenership been for y'all it's still going strong constantly skyrocketing actually we've been kind of hot lately we've had some higher view shows and uh it's been good what percentage watch on youtube versus downloaded as

a podcast youtube's about a quarter ish and then the other three quarters are audio. Yeah. Which I don't understand. It goes back to like... Which is so pretty. Right? I think it's the length. If I were a viewer, I could see how I would be listening to it in the car

because that's where my time to kill is. I'd like to see us, though. Well, I mean they are missing this, right? The beard was a tentpole topic tonight. I like audiobooks because I listen to them when I have massive amounts

of time to kill. This is four hours a week, five. I feel the same way about mobile viewers. If I'm getting a recipe or something, I'll get it to my phone. I'll be like, okay, make a roux and then you add it in okay i got it like i'm not it's not entertainment purpose it's educational purposes but this is entertainment so i would see like mobile views on like my videos for example i'd be like who the fuck isn't this is a slap in the face we spent thirty thousand dollars blowing shit up and flying in the sky.

There's three cameramen and a high-speed camera. You're watching on an iPhone 4? Someone's going, yeah, that's pretty cool, I guess. All right, then. No! No, come on. You got to get that shit on your TV. You got to fucking put that on your PC. You got to watch on a monitor.

I couldn't understand it. I would feel the same way if I was watching Freddie W's video or somebody like that. Somebody's doing an action video, something that's visually stimulating in some way, not just educational. I want to see it. I feel the same way about this sometimes. We do stuff. On a related note, sometimes people watch this show or

one of my paramotor videos and I see it. They take a picture of it on their big screen TV or projector. That's an honor to me. They've decided that I'm big screen worthy. I'm like, really? You know what it really says? They're not ashamed for others to know that they watch your video.

Oh, well, they should be. Yeah. I've said it before, I think. My dad has told me, he's like, yeah, I've listened to your show before. It's really funny. I like it. But I tried listening to it at work, and I have people coming into my office so often,

I have to keep turning it down real quick and pausing it. I had somebody walk in while you guys were talking about some... Taylor, son. Who you would not want to get molested. Was that guy really drinking from a flashlight? Yeah. No, not really. Were we talking about who we would want to molest us as children?

I was just trying to think of the most offensive thing possible. I don't think we've ever talked about it. I think we have. Yeah, right? That sounds like us. I'm pretty sure we have. Oh, we literally said the other week that if you get molested by Michael Jackson, it's a little better because you get to play on his train. That's true.

And he'll help out your music, your entertainment career like he did that one guy. That one guy who ended up being the choreographer for NSYNC or whatever. And Britney Spears. No. What about Corey Feldman and Corey Dead One? Corey Haim. Yeah.

Corey Haim. Well, he's dead. We don't know. We don't know what may or may not have happened to Corey. He was the cuter one, so he's probably the one that he fucked. Supple. Jesus Christ. Suppesus christ i thought i was bad supple is a word that just is it has no good context it's never been used in a like a kind wholesome way it's always used to describe something a little off yeah Yeah. People have described their Jell-O as supple.

Never been a supple Bible cover. No. Oh, these communion wafers, they're so supple. No, nobody ever said that. Not once. Communion wafer? Dude, for how much money the Catholic Church makes, they could spring for some tastier wafers.

I think there's shit to it. No yeast makes it tough. They should merchandise. If they sold those in a bag with different flavors like potato chips, I'd buy them. Like red-hot communion wafers? Oh, you can convert me for some red-hot communion wafers.

Sour cream and onion. Salt and vinegar oh god yes we can talk about that woody oh my god so my case manager in prison this is the guy who's responsible for like handling uh he like schedules me if i want to take classes or if i want to take certain drug programs or whatever all kind kind of nonsense. And he also handles my paperwork, which is very important for me because I want to leave prison. He's the one scheduling like, oh, so this is the person who's going to be picking you up. This is your address where

you'll be going home to. And he's getting all that data, my personal information, name and numbers and such. And He's sending that to my probation officer so that everything is set and the ball is already rolling on release day. It's supposed to be like that. The man is dyslexic. I don't mean that as some sort

of like, yeah, he's retarded. No, the man has dyslexia. He fucked my paperwork up so many times. It was scary by the end. Like the first, I don't know how many times we redid the paperwork. It's at least six. It might be eight.

And this is simple paperwork. It's name and address. Yeah. Yeah. Once a week, he was fucking it up. He did it three times while I sat there and watched him. Dude, he sounds like a retard. He went to college. He had his diploma on the wall. It was

the University of Alabama, though. Roll time. This guy fucking... He's butchered the paperwork twice now. I go in there and I'm trying to catch him every day. We're not allowed to go see these people willy-nilly. I have to wait until 3 p.m. and that's when his door is open and it closes and it closes at 3 30 PM. And that's it. If you

miss him, you missed him. And so I go in there and I'm like, Hey, uh, did we get that paperwork sorted? Because you have my address and the address of the person who's going to be picking me up reversed. So my probation officer went to inspect someone else's home the other day, and they were a little confused by that. And also you have me being picked up by someone who lives at my home address, and that's not the case. And he's like, ah, you know, that's the sort of thing. You know, it's funny. It's, it's easier to fix that sort of thing from the outside than on the inside. And I'm thinking like, I'm getting that feeling. Yeah. Yeah. What he means is I don't want to spend any more time on your paperwork. So just

figure it out when you leave. And I'm thinking like, well, if you say so, you know, I mean, as long as if you say so, I'll call them when I get out, you know, that I got thinking like, well, if you say so, you know, I mean, as long as if you say so, I'll call them when I get out. You know that I got the guys, I got the PO's number, call them when I get out. Well, I guess the probation officer gets wind of this. And so like his boss, his boss calls this guy and bitches him out. And so he calls me back to his office like a week later and he's like mad at me seemingly. He's like, well, they want it done a certain way.

And I'm like, you mean the right way? They want it done accurately? Bizarre. Isn't this your job? Isn't this like all you do? And so he does all the paperwork again. Keep in mind, he's literally copying from a piece of paper into a like one of those computer programs that has like slots to insert information like oh name address he's just filling out a form on a on a

computer and then he clicks print and hands it to me and i go no no you see this is misspelled um and it's my address, which I think we probably want to get right. Here you go. And he goes, ah, shit. Does it again. Print. Hands it back to me. I'm like, you know, I hate to be a stickler. The number has to be

exactly right on an address. But this isn't the county I live in nor is my name Mr. Mayor. So. My name is not Yikely Imers. And he goes, all right. Like psychs himself up.

Like he's about to kick a field goal or something. And hands it back to me. And I stared at that piece of paper that literally just has my name my address and my fucking nine digit number on it for a good two solid minutes before I'm like you got it you got it you got it I sign off on it he signs off on it and everything finally worked out but when I get to my my senior probation officer he's like what what was going on in there with that paperwork we've we've never seen anything like it and i'm like well he's he has dyslexia he's like no no that's funny but but really i was like the man has dyslexia i'd like i'd like to report him if that's possible you should really look into it

he he can't read well like he's inverting letters like it's it's basic spelling and he can't copy from from copy he goes. He receives a complaint and he's like, ah, a compliment. They love me. Oh, man. It was scary. Leonardo da Vinci of prison paperwork stewards.

Because I didn't know how that shit worked. In my head, I'm like, are they going to let me go on October 3rd? It says they released me on the 3rd, but what if my paperwork's wrong? And somebody else told me, they were probably just fucking with me. They were like, oh, yeah, you got to get medically cleared to leave. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense.

Your name is not Kylie, correct? I'm sorry, by Georgia rules, you must repeat your entire sentence. This Kylie feather has served too much, but you, Mr. Kyle, not a day in our system. Wait, you got out of prison two weeks ago? Yeah, yeah. Oh, for what? Possession of marijuana, yeah. Two months is what that gets you?

In federal prison, yes. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was a good time. That's cool kid prison. Yeah, it really is. If you have a choice, you want to go with the federal prison system. Is that? I can't tell if you're goofing.

Because office space made it seem like federal is not the good one. Federal is the good one. It absolutely is. Okay. It definitely is. Because state prisons, from what I was told by prisoners, like federal prison has like their low really means low. Their camp really means it's more of a camp.

And their max is really fucking max. But in state prison, depending on funding, like maybe throw them in the medium. You know, like the levels aren't as defined as well. Their low might be pretty fucking rough. They mix them maybe too much. I'm not an expert, but that's definitely my understanding of the scenario. The state prison, even when I was in county jail, they were like, oh yeah, I knew a guy that got killed in a state prison.

I'm like, what? Why? Stole potato chips. This is a good tip for you guys listening out there. Commit federal crimes. Federal crimes, boys. Always federal crimes. Go big or go home. That's what I always say. Well, you don't go home.

Do it right. Go big or don't go home. Go big and don't go home. Robbed conditions is still a state crime in Georgia as well, so how did you get tried on a federal level for it? Because we beat the state case because they wrote a bad warrant.

They wrote a warrant that said they were able to search my home due to the fact that I was wearing shorts. I haven't heard this a little bit. Were they tie-dye? Because they're kind of stoner. No, they were... No, I had some cargo shorts on, and they said because I was wearing shorts, that

meant that I was heading straight home with the half ounce of marijuana, and therefore they had the right to search my home. Whereas if I'd been wearing slacks, I guess, then I was going about my day into the world. And so that was going to get thrown out. So it was all of the evidence that was actually acquired. And, uh, the, but the feds, because of

the types of firearms that I owned were able to search my house regardless, just because I had been found to have possess any marijuana whatsoever, like a seed of marijuana or a hundredth of a gram of marijuana would give them the ability to search my home. So the state lost their case. And so the feds picked it out. What do they do with the guns? They just hold onto them, put them in a big vault somewhere? Probably destroy them. Oh, that's a shame.

What would you, 200K? Like, and I, you get more than that in guns. Yeah, closer to 400. They took $400,000 worth of guns? Holy cow. I had half an ounce of marijuana. I was a real danger to society. You have to understand. I didn't trust them either.

When they called me, I said, leave no stone unturned. I said, did you know there's more guns in the basement? Did you check the bunker out back? That's where the real shit yeah yeah that's all i'm sorry to hear that man how long did you know did you get like schedule when you went no they they did that scheduling for me they didn't let you sit your reservations yeah so I just called the concierge down at the federal lockup.

I don't want to speak for Kyle, but my observation is that the stress and like unknown that stretched out for two years was maybe worse than the two months in prison. Like in terms of the punishment, you carry on. prison? Like in terms of the punishment you carry on. Yeah. Because, um, I was looking at more like 25 years of prison, uh, like trumped up charges if I'd tried to go to court and fight the silly charges. Um, so that, that's the reason I pled guilty is because, um, because, uh, some of the charges I pled guilty to are not accurate. I pled guilty to intent to distribute as well because, uh, they said that my girlfriend had smoked marijuana at my house one time and that I had distributed marijuana to her in that manner.

So that was a crime. If you went away that long, it would have been funny for me and Woody to do the show next week and been like, you know, it's only 1,200 weeks until Kyle returns to the show. The listeners know, but you guys might not. One of the charges was owning a firearm

with a destroyed serial number. Now what happened was he bought a brand new firearm. He bought it from a gun store. Legally, everything is on the up and up. He took that brand new firearm and shipped it to a professional firearm coding person to give it like, you know, cool camo or another color or something like that.

And then it turns out that person had gotten paint in the serial number. And now they're accusing Kyle of destroying or defacing a serial number, which is a 10-year mandatory minimum federally. So that's the kind of like, I don't know, the threat that he was looking at. That and they were looking at like an enhancement per gun up to like, I don't know if it's up he was looking at. That, and they were looking at an enhancement per gun up to, I don't know if it's up to five guns or up to ten guns, but they can add, it's like two years per gun up to ten guns, I think, which is like 20 years that they could tack on.

Even the guns had nothing to do with marijuana. Those type of laws are meant to punish drug dealers who are carrying a pistol while they deal drugs and it's like oh you can't steal my drugs i'll shoot you or you better pay for my those drugs or i'll shoot you that sort of thing people who are in that kind of business not for people who like have a shotgun in their closet way back at home and they smoke some marijuana at a concert and that's how they're kind of applying the law so they were threatening me with like roughly 25 or 30 years or something like that if i didn't plead guilty to some pretty

nonsensical charges goodness gracious yeah and then of course the cost of going to court ed and rabbit is co-counsel i could do an afternoon all, I'll meet you in the middle. Not a smack dab in the middle. I mean, that's... I give a warning. I give a warning. That's pretty much how it went. You know, like we started at 25 or 30 years, and then it was like, ah, maybe five.

And then it was like, ah... And as early as like five months ago, it was like two to three, you know? And then it was like, ah, shit. And then, you know, ah, shit. And then we finally negotiated down to this crime that's zero to six

months. And then it's up to the judge's discretion. And then he gave me two. So yeah, we had a fun little time. Just got out. But yeah, got out two weeks ago. I'm enjoying freedom. Yeah, it's good to be back. Hey, what's the coolest thing about being out?

My guess is controlling the light switches on your own. Sure. That's awfully nice. Do you know what time it is? We've got a clock, you know, and it moves very slow. How about that? Especially when you're watching it. I just stare at it all day.

I don't know, man. You know, having my computer, being able to play video games and stuff. Having a cell phone is huge because if you have one there, they send you to solitary confinement. You're not really allowed a cell phone in there. Sex.

You can do that in prison, Kyle. You can. Almost did. Was the first thing you wanted to eat? I got fajitas. I got fajitas as soon as I got out. I was going to say pussy. That would have been funny.

What's the worst meal you had in prison? I did a pretty good job. I lost 35 pounds in prison because I didn't eat very much at all. But I ate mostly chili. Like they had these pouches of chili that you just tear the top off, dump it in a bowl and microwave it. And they're 300 calories each. So I just eat one of those a day and put a bunch of hot sauce and jalapenos in it.

But the prison food's good. It's like cafeteria food at high school. It's not great. So they didn't have like, what's the little bars they used to have? What do they call it? Nutri bars or whatever. You know what I'm talking about? Like Nutri grain bars?

Kind of like, no, no, no. This is like a meat patty that was kind of ground up. It was the hot dog of hamburger meat, you know? Yeah, yeah. I feel you. Lips and assholes. No, there there were days like one day a week we would have like what was basically like popeye's fried chicken um and like um once a week there would be pizza and once a week there'd be uh like like their version of fajitas which was like grilled chicken and tortillas and beans and

rice it was good food it was fine see this is the thing here at Greenville County. My attorney, who's a really good friend of mine, we grew up together. We were joking around. He said, if you're going to commit a crime, you want to do it on a Friday. If you're going to get arrested, because Friday is hot dog day at the Greenville LEC. He said, I've got people that are incarcerated, but we will stay another day to get hot dog day. Apparently, they got some damn good hot dogs at the Greenville LEC. Oh, my goodness. Maybe they have like ballpark franks or Hebrew nationals. Hebrew nationals are something.

I sold some cars to a guy who his business was food to prisons, and the budget was like 15 cents a meal or something that was crazy that's county that yeah that's what it's like ever so if you ever have you ever have you ever sold wholesale hot dogs before ed no 15 cents is a damn good hot dog in county they told me that they're i was i like, what is this food, boys? What are we eating here? It's like a boiled egg and two sausages that look like my finger, but rotten. And some oatmeal with nothing in it whatsoever.

And I was like, what is this? And they're like, their budget is, it was like nine or 15 cents a day or something like that. So it was just, I was like, I got some money. How about I make a phone call. I'll have $400 sent here

in an hour. Look, I get it. You can't just feed me. Feed all the boys. Go to McDonald's and go wild. This is outrageous. There's money bags over here with his monocle and his call a friend for money. Dollar menu

for everybody. Go get 200 fucking double cheeseburgers and let's party out here in the Franklin County jail. And it was on that day that Kyle knew his asshole was safe. And that was the day that Ronald McDonald saved Kyle's ass. I definitely would have done that.

That food was so bad. I lost a good bit of weight in the three or four days I was in county jail, like a shocking amount for such a short period of time because I just didn't eat for four or five days. That was no good. I had so many prison questions for you. We've covered so much. I'm trying to think.

Did you have any more in the stockpile that you were intentionally saving? Maybe off the top of my head, but I didn't really make a list. You know, I'm bad about that. Did you shank anybody while in there? There were shanks, but I did not shank anyone. No. They have a shared knife program. We had a knife sharing program.

Mostly used for making relish. Yeah. That's what I used the knives for. I used them to chop up stolen pickles to make relish for my tuna salad. What was the most ridiculous thing someone was in for? Possession of half an ounce

of marijuana. Yeah. I was going to ask the most hardcore thing if you have maybe on that side. I mean, Snow was moving like a pound or two of meth and the former military

guy, he was in because he was selling he had like four ounces of cocaine and a pound of marijuana but the enhancement, the reason the thing that made that worse was like five or six years prior he had gotten in a gun battle at a club and had shot three guys um all non-lethally um but but he had shot three of them um mostly it was mostly smaller stuff it seemed like but i didn't really want to talk to the scarier guys at least not enough to ask them who are you in for because that seems like a private

question you probably want to make friends with them was it called minimum security low security what did they call it's a federal prison camp fcp or federal fpc yeah whatever yeah i got some pins i got some souvenirs that say it on there. Talladega Federal Prison Camp or something like that. I'm glad you got souvenirs. Like, remember. I would have got tattoos. You know?

FCP. Yeah, in Alabama. At Talladega. You know, not too far from the racetrack. Yeah, I did not get to see any races while I was there. There was a guy there they called Ricky Bobby. You know, of course. Tall nice legend of ricky bobby um yeah there were some there were plenty of people who were in there it was mostly drugs because you can't really be in there i don't think if

you've been convicted of a violent crime or a sex crime and but but that's a little confusing because you when i when you first hear they like ah bunch of drug selling tax cheats right it's like no it might just be a bunch of drug dealers who never got caught for their murders you know and that's likely that seemed to be a good mixture of that going on but but there was also plenty of tax cheats people in there for bribery and like tax schemes and uh online theft identity theft things like that there were a lot of guys like that but then there was plenty of like ex-gang members and ridiculous shit like that a lot of that going on and there's plenty of drug dealing in there you know a lot of guys are just selling drugs in there was your prison divided on racial terms like as it seemed like you were talking to black and mexican guys

but the guys on youtube that i watch make that seem like it's not a thing that happens no we talk we get along but um you know there's definitely more of a bond but the black guys kind of stick together and the mexican guys kind of stick together and the white guys kind of stick together but uh they all talk you know you're living together in a big room, you know, it, you can't just not talk to each other. Shoulder bumping. Yeah. We're sharing two microwaves, you know, between 75 of us in that dormitory and, you know,

we're sharing one ice machine. We're sharing four or five TVs. Now the TVs are segregated, of course. Like I, like I talked about, you know, on the first show back that black TV, white TV, Mexican TV, and the sports TV, you know, and you don't fuck with the other races. And that's where everybody came together on the ESPN TV. And what did I learn about that? Did people, um, like exert a dominance in the microwave line, the guys cut and be like, what are you going to do? No, that would be a real faux pas. Um, no, no, everybody was pretty cool about that. And even like, are you gonna do no no that would be a real faux pas um no no everybody

was pretty cool about that and even like if you were about to like make a whole big chili bowl of soup or something like that which a lot of people just throw everything in a bowl and microwave and just mackerel fillets and ramen noodles and melted cheese and all kind of bullshit but if they and that might take 10 minutes to cook up. They'd fry rice in there. They'd pour oil and rice and fry the rice in the microwave. But if they turn around and saw somebody had a cup of coffee that they just wanted to warm it, hey, go ahead.

Everybody was polite. I did that at the cash register. Yeah, sure. You've got one item and the guy behind you has a... Or you've got a whole cart and the guy behind you has one item. Or the guy seems old. Yeah, or you've got a whole cart and the guy behind you has one item. Or if the guy seems old. Yeah, he can't stand for too long. So you see the guys making the kits

like they're cooking up stuff in their room like out of, well yeah, crush up chips and make like homemade burritos out of them or something. There's a guy on YouTube that does that, shows you how to make them at home. Yeah, absolutely. Who would you want to? There was a guy who could make like

there was a guy who would make a knife out of a sharpened toothbrush it's like i'll just go buy a knife i like to think he's got like a vpn sponsor in the middle of it like the most worthless prison sponsor ever uh there was a guy who would make these big chipotle style burritos even though that we only got tiny little tortillas he'd have five or six of them like like like you know those people make those enormous joints they roll because they have some sort of fancy technique to roll out a bunch of papers into one giant joint he's doing that but with a burrito and you can see like the layers of burritos that he's made and it's huge like a two pound burrito um they would make cheesecake

out of they would crush up crackers to make a a two pound burrito um they would make cheesecake out of they would crush up crackers to make a graham cracker crust and they would take cream cheese and sugar and then whatever the dessert of the day was if it was like blueberry cobbler they'd get just the blueberries and so they'd make like a blueberry fucking cheesecake and they'd sell them like like when alabama's playing football there'd be four white guys in one cell cooking fucking making cheesecakes because they're going to sell them for two Macs a piece. A Mac is a package of mackerel.

Wait, how much is a Mac? $1.70 each. I can't believe cheesecakes go for $1.40. That is a great deal. Probably not very good cheesecakes. Well, $1.40, what do you want, Taylor? Everybody acted like they were amazing.

But they had been living inside of that prison for quite some time. Yes. They probably thought the guards were hot. Somebody could have and be in that prison. The longest sentence? Yeah. I don't think there was a limit, honestly. I read online it was 10

years, but that turned out to be bullshit. Because one of my friends had been in for 10 and had more to go. And then there was an older gentleman who'd been in for nine and had three or four more to go. There was a guy who had been in for 14 and had two more to go. Could they have done time at another prison? Sure, they could have. That's possible. But I just don't think there's a limit because they sort of you earn your way

down in this like whole complicated federal point system to get into that place like if you start at maximum and you go long enough not hurting anybody or fucking up you end up in whatever high or medium and then low and then you end up in the camp like eventually you earn your way down there so for ed and rabbit pal ran laps with this guy named Snow and Snow would take a break every lap or two and do pull-ups. How many pull-ups did he do in a set? Eight to ten, depending on

the day. He always mixed it up. Okay. Wondering. But he had 40 pounds tied to his waist. So do I. Really? Wow. I never thought about that. Yeah, I'm doing weird stuff.

Did y'all have like a Welcome Back Live episode last week? Yeah, like two weeks ago. We talked a lot about prison. I try not to get too prison heavy. We do a four-hour show, so I don't want to do four hours of that nonsense. So I do like 45 minutes or an hour of just nonsensical fucking prison talk. Because there are a lot of stories. I met a lot of interesting people, it's a it's a stupid fucking thing nobody if i were the judge i would let 90 of the people i

met in there out because it's like they're not planning on doing anything else they just want to go back to life you know they're all planning on like oh i'm gonna be a forklift driver or i'm gonna i'm gonna be i'm gonna get my cdl i'm gonna drive i'm gonna drive a truck you know they're all the limit. These are people who make bad decisions though, right? A lot of them. When confronted with a situation where they could do violence or walk

away, sometimes they choose the wrong one. When things get hard and they have to, I don't know, say no to themselves or steal, sometimes they choose the wrong one. I wonder, it's easy to declare

that you'll do the right thing after you get out. I don't know. I was in there for a short period of time and I was thinking, I ain't never gonna fuck up again. He was in there a short period of time and he started talking like that already. By the way, anybody

wondering why I had so many problems in prison, this is how I talked the whole time. I used my prison cow voice. They didn't take to it none. You should have done the purple do-rag. I should have done that sling blade voice like Billy Bob Thornton.

That would have been a long eight weeks. I'm only four days in and people don't care for it, but I've already committed to the bit. More annoying than your cellmate. Some folks call it

a shower rape. I call it Tuesday. At this point, I don't think people are bullying me because they think I'm a retarded. Yeah, it was pretty silly. I think I talked about that drug class I was in a good bit, you know, two hours

a week of the drug class and I hated that the most. That was so stupid. So stupid. They didn't see the good side of drugs there oh they'll teach you how marijuana they'll teach how marijuana gives you brain damage and you know that that sort of thing this is book published in 2009 about uh you know what did they say about um lsd which i just read an article about how it how it helps with ptsd and and

rewiring the brain. I'm pretty sure they said it caused brain damage and memory loss or something like that. You know, lots of good old fashioned federal facts. DMT is the one I Joe Rogan sells DMT so hard. Do you guys ever watch the Joe Rogan podcast?

DMT is a high or a trip or whatever. It lasts 10 to 15 minutes and it exists in your body naturally uh and that's critical this all comes from the joe rogan pie has science so your body knows how to like dispose of it it doesn't ruin you in the way that maybe something that's not already in your body and uh i think you release it while dreaming so you take this isn't this the mushroom stuff i've heard about oh that's psilocybin there you go okay so dmt is something i guess you can buy a thing that's legal

and then you make it into dmt based on instructions from the internet then it works it's not incredibly hard i guess i don't know um but they act like one 10 15 minute trip and your brain is rewired. You're more creative now. You've upgraded your RPG character with DMT. That now you'll be more clever day to day. You'll see things in a different way. I don't know. Seems like a good idea.

If you want to do it, go do it. My friend of mine did DMT and then he went cosmic bowling. What's that? Oh, you don't have cosmic bowling it's where like late at night on the weekends a bowling alley will turn will turn all black lights on so it's dark and then all the pins are glow in the dark and they've got that those stars that glow that you can put on your uh your ceiling as a little kid in your bedroom and the lights went off and like pretend you're looking at space that's how i got caught for all the semen stains i know i'm sorry he didn't do dmt he did a bunch of mushrooms and he said it was absolutely terrifying no i have no idea the bowling alley did that he said

bar none his worst bowling experience i will never like i think marijuana is just the only drug you want to really be good and getting silly with i would be afraid of lsd and acids which i think are the same thing. Really, any of those really brain-altering drugs because I've had some scary experiences in my life. I don't want to get trapped in some sort of eight-hour loop of my worst moments ever

or something like that or go into some terror zone or something. DMT, 10, 15 minutes. I can endure awful stuff for 10 minutes. That's true. That's true. That's true. But what if time dilates inside of your head and 10 or 15 real-world minutes is 10 or 15 hours

to your addled brain? I choose to believe that it won't. But see, like dreams, like a dream can be five minutes long, and in your head it feels forever. That could be the same kind of thing. I took, and I'll never take mushrooms again. Have you ever taken mushrooms?

No. Okay. Have you hypothetically taken mushrooms? I like that face he just made. I like that. Me? Mushrooms? Probably not. They're great on pizza

have you ever had I have a real job yeah I took me and this girl got some mushrooms one time I had taken them before but you buy mushrooms like marijuana

by quarter ounces or eight ounces and stuff like that. And I don't know what the dosage is. I'm a real noob as far as, I've never taken them before. I don't know how much I need, but somebody just had this amount and they were like, yeah, I think it was $50, $75 or something for a little bag. But we were so afraid of them that we took a little to see what would happen. And then we took a little more than the first time the next day to see what happened.

And by the time we'd done that experimenting phase, we didn't get enough of a dose to do anything. So we just wasted all the mushrooms by not taking enough at once. So three years later, I get some more mushrooms. And I'm talking to a completely different girl at this point. I'm like, hey, I have some mushrooms. Would you like to try them? And she's like, fuck yeah, I would. She used to do heroin.

She don't give a shit. So not really. And she snorted. Get off her back. She was nice. And we're not going to get into this. She was very nice. And so they taste like shit. They're dried up like

gross mushrooms. So I would take a chip, dip it in salsa and then put a mushroom on top and then nom, nom, nom that all up because the salsa and the chip, like the mixture of the intense flavor of the salsa with the consistency of the chip kind of masked the fact that you're eating like a chewy, crunchy, nasty mushroom. That's not meant to be eaten. It's not real food. And I ate a lot. And then for some reason, I don't know why we, I was like, well, let's go to dinner now. So we get in the car and we drive to dinner. And all of a sudden I'm like, you know, the interstate starting to look like a tunnel. It's starting to look like I'm driving down a tunnel here. Why did we leave the house again? She's like, I don't know.

So we go to Walmart. I have to pick up some odds and ends. And so I've got this bag. Now's the time to do it. Now's the time to do it. So we're standing in line and I've got this bag of carrots. And she's like, and I start feeling like i'm having a panic attack which i have like maybe twice a year and and i'm getting sweaty and nauseous and pale and sticky and and i'm like

i'm gonna go to the bathroom and i start walking toward the men's room i hand her the carrots and i start walking toward the walmart bathroom and my vision is closing in you know it's it's it's like if you stand up too quickly and everything gets fuzzy and you're browning out when that happens because the blood is, you know, I'm going to blood your brain. That's what's happening to me. And it's slowly coming down to this pinpoint. You know, my vision is. And I walked right past the bathroom and fell unconscious right into one of those things you hang sunglasses on. You know, those rolly, Those rolly racks of sunglasses.

The loudest thing to fall into. All face first into it. And one of the pegs cuts my fucking head open. I wake up lying on the floor in Walmart, surrounded by a crowd of people. And they're all looking at me like I'm dying. Dude, they say the best way to enjoy a movie. You are an adult

on your own. Oh, yeah. This is not all that long ago. Kyle, back this up. They say the best way to experience a shrooms trip is to have lots of strangers staring at you. So how did you get from we're going to dinner

to I need Walmart carrots? My friend called me. She needed carrots. I said, okay. Don't ask about my decision-making process. I already decided to go to dinner after eating mushrooms. None of it makes sense. I know that now.

You have friends that call you for carrots? Yes. How do people call me for vegetables all the time? That was just the most interesting part of the story. But I didn't... I'm glad he brought it up. Yeah, can you eat some goddamn carrots? Do you have an egg for my cake?

I need, you know, skinned baby carrots. I called. That was a friendship test right there. Somebody was like, how do you know this guy? I know him so well. If I call him for carrots at 745 on a Thursday, those carrots are on the way. No, I've got a house...

I've got a housemate who's handicapped and she can't drive. So I get her groceries for her. Oh, okay. Just to make it. It was Kit A. So Kit A, may I get some carrots? And she did not know that I was not in any place to be getting carrots.

And I didn't want to tell her. So I wake up sitting on my ass at Walmart. And when I say I was blind, I don't mean that my vision was blurry. I mean that my eyeballs no longer process light in any way. I mean that I was blind and everything was darkness and I could only hear people. And I'm going to say it lasted for a good 40 seconds. And I'm trying to tell myself, you'll be able to see in a minute. You'll be able to see in a minute. But part of me is like, did both your eyes go into one of those sunglass pegs and you're actually blind right now? But nobody was screaming. So finally, like my vision starts coming back and there's people all around me and someone hands me a Gatorade and I start sipping on that. I'm

feeling better by the moment. Like every moment I feel a little stronger, a little more steady. This lady identifies herself as a nurse and she's like, what happened? What happened? I was like, oh, my blood sugar's low. You know, I, my blood sugar's low. I have hypoglycemia. I, I, I, I must've fainted. I was trying to get to the bathroom to splash some water in my face. And, and they bring, now a chair has been produced. I sit in the chair and the group, there's still a crowd. I mean, like 15 or 20 people. And I'm just like sipping the stuff. And she's like, I called the EMTs.

They're on the way. And I'm like, oh, no. Call them back. And it's at this point where the girl that I'm with reaches through the crowd like God and grabs my hand and says, get up, you're coming with me. And I go, thank God you're here. And the nurse goes, he's not going anywhere. I'm a nurse. He needs to stay here until the EMT arrives.

And my girl, also a nurse, she goes, so am I. He's coming with me. And I'm like, thank you. And we start walking toward the door. Well, I'm a doctor. We start walking toward the door. we start walking do i know her no okay we start walking toward the door different different nurse uh we start walking toward the uh uh the door and a police officer passes me and i'm like oh okay and we we get right outside right outside the doors of Walmart. And the police officer has made it to the scene of the incident, been informed that I am the incidentee. And now

she has caught back up with me. She's like, hey, why are you running from me? And I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, you're running from me. I'm like, are you here for me? What did I do? She's like, did you fall? I'm like, yeah. Is that a crime? I was like, I have low blood sugar. I tripped in there. Am I in trouble? She's like, well, now she's confused.

He's like, well, no. Are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm good. I'm going to get me some barbecue, though. There's a Sonny's barbecue right over here. Well, you broke like 60 Oakleys. The damage is in the Threes of dollars She's like well

And then the EMT shows right up And they got like this Metapack thing on their shoulder He's like where's the guy And she's like this is him And I'm like hey guys how's it going Thinking thank god I have my sunglasses on. Cause my pupils are this fucking big.

They're like, you're the guy. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. I just, and I can, this guy's a good old boy.

I can tell by his accent. So I'm just like, yeah, man, you know, I just got low blood sugar. I tripped and fell in there. I'm trying to get over to Sonny's,

get some at barbecue in me. And he said, well, shit, have, get, get that pork three way. That's good, well, shit. Get that pork three-way. That's good. And I'm like, I'd like to.

And we get in my car, and we go to fucking Sonny's and have the most terrifying barbecue dinner of our lives. Man, that shrooms experience doesn't sound fun at all. Never again. Don't do drugs, kids. If only there was an app that you could have gotten the Sonny's brought to you. See, I lived in the drugs, kids. If only there was an app that you could have gotten the sunnies brought to you. Oh, see, I lived

in the country back then. There was no delivery. I couldn't even get Domino's delivered. Now I'm in Atlanta. Yeah, no Postmates there. Tell the people about Postmates, Taylor. I don't have it open. I didn't know I was doing it.

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of free delivery credit for your first seven days. To start your free deliveries, download the app today and use code PKA. That's code PKA for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. Save the hassle, get the food you love fast at Postmates with code PKA. Yeah, I use Postmates a lot. I probably spend $1,000 a month on Postmates. Something like that. Just an enormous amount of Postmates. Really? Yeah. I probably

eat one meal a day from Postmates. It's convenient. Yeah, then they show up. It's a real good way to get fat, too. For sure. Because you can just be like, I deserve a dessert. Sure. And then they'll just they show up. It's a real good way to get fat, too. For sure. Because you can just be like, I deserve a dessert, sure. And then they'll just fucking show up. And there's nobody to shame you.

I used to order so much Chinese and sushi at once, just for myself, that they'd bring three pairs of chopsticks. And I'm like, fuck, I'm glad nobody's coming in. Hey, guys! He's out of soy sauce! There's nobody here.

He knows there's nobody there. He's just bringing those chopsticks so I don't feel so ashamed. That's right. He knew I had slippery hands. That's the planet. If you order Postmates a few times in the same night,

you're going to get the same guy? No. It's like calling Uber. They're just never know who's in your area. So no one needs to know that tonight's a Wendy's, Burger King, McDonald's sushi night. There you go. They know my name. They know my name.

Some of them do now. The friendlier ones. Hey, Kyle, what's going on, man? I'm like, not much. I haven't seen you in a while. Where you been? Prison. See ya. I hadn't seen you in a while. Where you been? Prison. I missed you.

Yeah. Or that are like, and there's not, not from Postmates of course, because their drivers are professional, kind and caring. But sometimes I use some of those terrible other options. I won't even lesser options,

which I won't even name. And there's a guy from one of those who just shows up and he's like and just walks the fuck away. He always gets a dollar tip. Maybe that's why now he's so gruff every time. But he's not going to dig himself out of that hole by being a piece of shit. Like give me a smile.

Tell me what's going on. I gave a... What customer service? It wasn't an extraordinary tip but i gave a larger than customary tip recently the waitress was excited because she just bought a new house and i've bought a first house in my life and i know where you are for a while after that it was like she's either like outstandingly manipulative or hopefully just true. And it was a good day. How much was the meal and what was the tip?

Meal was, like, $11 and I think I paid $25. Like, it wasn't a meal. It was just more than a tip.

No, I just, just, you know, I was like, It's more like, Yeah, yeah,

no, it wasn't like, I don't, I don't do the big, tip all that bitch i make it drizzle that's funny but it was more than the meal it is you know it wasn't 20 either yeah i hear you i hear you yeah i'll uh i'll tip the postmates uh there's there's one girl it that's super duper hot and like i ordered something the other day that was like 20 mail and i just gave her 40 i'm like she'll remember she'll

remember she'll be back she has to it's her job did you have your phone number on it there is a way i can message her and i may have messaged her but um we'll see we'll see how that pans out i may have just wasted 20 but you know i made her day a little happier that's the worst case scenario best case scenario is like now when i order cheeseburgers and fries i get pussy too that would that's the app i want yes that's the future tinder mates i want i want five guys burgers and fries and a girl that comes along with it. That puts a different mate in Postmates all together. Yeah.

It's almost a better name for that. You got that new fuck buddies app? Yeah. It's crazy. The food's delicious. Man, they could suck some dick. Wow. Five stars. When I saw her, I didn't think much,

but the no teeth thing worked out great. Oh. You know, hey. Go on. She put heart into it. She put heart into it. Jeremy got his teeth pulled out. For a guess, I have a friend named Jeremy

whose all of his teeth are rotten out of his fucking head. And he got all of his teeth pulled and. For a guess, I have a friend named Jeremy whose all of his teeth are rotten out of his fucking head. And he got all of his teeth pulled and got dentures. I haven't seen them yet, but I'm going to get dad to take a picture of me. But dad says they're ill-fitted dentures. And so sometimes...

When he's talking. I know, right? I thought it was going to be a whole... We're saying his name, right? Did you say his name? Jeremy. Yeah, all right. I knew it. I didn't know I was... Anyway, that'd be a whole Jeremy upgrade. That would be a whole... We're saying his name, right? Did you say his name? Jeremy. Yeah, all right. I knew it.

I didn't know I was... Anyway, that'd be a whole Jeremy upgrade. That would be like a... Jeremy's teeth were 1% bottom teeth, right? They were discolored. I think some of them weren't full length. Some of them were missing. Like, it was...

They look like car keys. It was a real situation in his front like a bad british comic or like meth man meth man okay yeah but homeless meth man but that's not how they got that way right like he just wasn't his teeth his teeth were a lot like the spice girls they're all different colors and going their own ways yeah he just bad diet bad hygiene and uh he said he had soft teeth yeah like he claimed that they didn't have enamel on them or something like that and i'm thinking like yeah for that much red bull tobacco and and and no hygiene like i guess maybe that'll happen but how do you just not brush your teeth to the point of them falling apart i'm inventing this

but i feel like there might be someone else with the same lifestyle who didn't get quite as much damage exactly exactly it has to be because i've drank tons of red bull smoked tons of cigarettes didn't you know i brush once a day i don't brush at night fuck it i brushed this morning the morning's coming around again right nobody's. Nobody's looking at my teeth tonight. No, I don't. I'm a grown-ass man. I'll buy new teeth if I need to. I'm not getting fucking dentures. Take that, Taylor.

You just have brontosaurus teeth that were all flat. No, but you notice when people get the dentures, especially when they had bad teeth, I had a good friend of mine that owns a pawn shop,

and he got a new smile, but his teeth were too big for his head. He smiled, and it looked like a row of brand-new urinals. Oh, no. It was one of those, like the porcelain, it was just too bright. That's the benefit of my head is there are no teeth that are too big for it. No. Those are novelty joke teeth. it was just too bright. That's the benefit of my head, is there are no teeth that are too big for it. Those are novelty joke teeth. All they did was clip the ends

off of the vampire Halloween store teeth and pop these bad boys in. They had to go to the Veterinary Dentistry Institute. Those are for horses. Give any small horse teeth. Just the regular ones doesn't work those are pony teeth

rabbit i i get that you're saying that his new teeth are in new teeth are imperfect but they're better aren't they like it's he looks better doesn't he an improvement ah really we got a delay on that latency did Kyle and Taylor is it on my side or no you were fine yeah I know we hear you oh I see there wasn't a technical

well in any case Jeremy's apparently when Jeremy always had this weird I wouldn't call it a speech impediment but he's just an asshole so he talks funny and like he'll start a sentence right in the middle when he greets you like you hear and you're like did i hear what about jimmy jimmy who jimmy tyler down Taylor down at the pawn shop. What happened to Jimmy? He's fucking with you all.

But it's not a joke. It's how he communicates. After a while, we'd be driving. He'd be in the back seat. He'd be like, did you hear? I'd just go, yep. And you look at him in the mirror and he's just like, fuck, that ain't never happened before. Now this is uncharted territory.

How do I keep the conversation going? Have you seen my teeth? He would, I'd be driving my cousin to the passenger seat of my truck and he's in the back seat. And he, he wouldn't sit back in his seat like this. He'd come all the way forward. Like, so his head's right between the two seats and he'd go and I would turn to say something to him

and I'd be right in his face. He's right there and his breath was putrid. His teeth are rotting. Yeah, they're rotting. He got them all pulled out. It smelled like actual feces. He got them all pulled out. I'm like actual feces. Got them all pulled out.

Got these dentures. I'm like, how do they look, Dad? And he's like, eh. You know, I had a hard time understanding the boy already. And now he'll start jibber-jabbering, and then bottom teeth will start flying around in there. They're not. It's dentures.

Oh, it's dentures. It's false teeth. I thought you were... I did a thing in my head where I assumed you were using the wrong term. You're supposed to glue them in. Fix the dent. You put that cream in there and they mold to your... I didn't think about that anymore.

I think everybody just does veneers. I didn't even think that was a business model. Oh, it's a thing. Veneers are more expensive. Veneers are very expensive. Veneers are very expensive and then implants, which is what you for example, would do if you got four of your teeth knocked out. You'd probably go get some implants.

Have you seen how they do those implants though? Yeah, they drill up into your bone and then they tap. They drill into your bone. It's a damn screw. They literally tap you. I mean, like. It's like drywall.

Yeah. I mean, it's all it is, you know? There's a friend of the show who, he had 17 teeth. And so they just pulled them all. What'd you say, Kyle? Total? Yes. It was boogie.

And so they, they took all the teeth out and I'm pretty sure there's two bolts on the top and two bolts on the bottom. And he just has a whole new mouth that they like in one day, all new. Oh yeah. Because his thing isn't individual teeth. It's like a whole,

it's like all the teeth as one, I think maybe. And then that is screwed into the bone. That's right. I think that, I think that's still not the most expensive, it's like all the teeth as one, I think maybe. And then that is screwed into the bone. That's right. I think that, I think that's still not the most expensive, like, like if you've got the means,

you know, ideally each tooth is its own individual implant that's screwed into the bone and is, you know, tailor made to you and perfect and everything like that. You know, that's what you'd want. And then veneers,

I think they just grind off the front of your old teeth and then stick some new shit on top of that it's kind of like the pergo floor of teeth there you go exactly okay it's the lvt tile i think kyle's right about what they are but i think that's the option that they use in hollywood a lot so i don't think it's all low end you can oh it's not low it's not all it's not low end it's expensive but implants are a more prestigious form of artificial and they also serve to fix a different problem you know if your teeth are just yellowed or maybe misshapen a bit then you can just grind everything it's like bondo in a car right you just you just ah the fender's all fucked up you know let's fucking pull that dent out and put some new shit on it and sand it down smooth.

Yeah, but the dentists don't say it like that. That's the difference. Basically, we're going to bondo your fucking mouth, son. You understand? Speaking of auto shops and dentistry, I do have a story about this. I don't think you've even heard this, Ed. Where is this going? Carry on.

I've got, okay. I own a diesel truck shop. It's a family business. My grandfather started in 1968. Had a guy working for me. It was, I mean, we work, you know, through winter. I mean, summer's cold, whatnot. We had a guy there. He didn't have dental insurance.

He had a cavity that was filled and the filling came out. It's Friday afternoon, four o'clock, and it's throbbing. It's hurting. So me, being the caring boss I am, fixed it for him. Nice. You JV welded that too.

Magnum steel. Oh no. I kneaded that stuff together with gloves on, you know, because I'm a professional. Of course. He opened his mouth, and I filled his tooth. It still hurt through the night. I called him the following, the next day, he said it quit hurting. He said, well, I'm going to go to the dentist Monday, and I'll have him look at it.

Well, he never goes to the dentist. Five years later, he goes to the dentist. Five years later, he goes to the dentist for another tooth. And the dentist says, what in the hell is that in your mouth? He forgot about it. He said, that's where my balls filled my tooth. And he goes, hell is staying. Looks good to me. So apparently I i did something right i'm pretty sure there's lead in that you know what yeah i used to eat lead when we were kids and look how good we turned out you didn't have any mercury available to fix it listen listen listen i'm not saying you know it was a permanent fix okay i'm a problem solver, alright? I filled the damn hole. Mix a little battery acid and mercury.

What was the actual thing you were mushing with gloves? What is that? Magnum steel. Magnum steel is like a... It looks like Play-Doh and it hardens like J.B. Weld or something like that. But it's a little more dense. I googled it and showed the audience on screen.

Oh, okay. Yeah. It gets warm. It's like a binary dense. I Googled it and showed the audience on screen. Oh, okay. Yeah. It gets warm. It's like a binary thing. It gets warm. I would be scared, though, that once you got it in, that it would expand like how fiberglass expands when you put it in. No, it doesn't expand. This is like a – I don't know what it's made out of.

I'm pretty sure it's not natural. Apparently not. Definitely not. No, that's not – I got some vegan magic here. Hey, you know what? at the end of the day Problem solved My feeling didn't fall out Yeah I had a

Wisdom tooth I'm not saying I'm going to open up a school or anything Or open up a dentist office And when he goes insane from lead poisoning in 30 years At least he got his dental work done Free And he was making money he was at work insane from lead poisoning in 30 years at least he got his dental work done. Free? Free at first. He was making money. He was at work.

Yeah, I had a wisdom tooth that basically broke apart and there was a really sharp edge that would just cut the side of my mouth every time I spoke or did anything. If I moved a certain way, it was really jagged and sharp. And I just got an emery board, you know that thing that ladies file their nails down with.

And I fucking sanded the fucking tooth down. It didn't hurt. I thought it was going to be excruciating, but it didn't hurt at all. I just say I was spitting out chunks of tooth, but it's still in there. Still all good. I mean,

it's broken, but it'll fall out eventually. Right. That's how teeth work. Yeah, definitely. That's definitely how the teeth work. Scott is afraid of general anesthetic and the dentist and the doctor.

He's had a torn meniscus in his knee since he was a kid from where this shard of wood went into it. And, you know, he backed out of the surgery. Like he got into the room where they put you in the gown and he literally ran. Escaped. Yeah. Well, he had a bad tooth. I think he had a tooth that would have required a root canal. It was really excruciatingly painful.

And one night it got especially bad and he couldn't sleep. And he got vice grips. And his plan was to pull it out. But that ain't how teeth work. No. So he crushed the tooth accidentally. And he said it hurt a little a little I believe were his words it was the worst pain of his entire

fucking life as his tooth exploded in his head because they're vice grips you know and then they snap and lock when it snapped and locked his tooth exploded in his fucking head has he never seen any video of people removing teeth you tie a string to it and slam a door or something that's not model rocket

that's for baby teeth well you need a big to it and slam a door or something. That's not model rocket. That's for baby teeth, though. Well, you need a big door. That's for teeth that are already loose. That's not for the live nerve running through it. You need a revolving door. To pull real teeth, you need dentist tools, which I've tried to buy online, and I can't find anywhere. It's this weird, like, it's like three prongs on pliers,

and it sort of, like, goes into the gum area and, like, it's like three prongs on pliers and it sort of like goes into the gum area and like behind the tooth so that you're pulling it from the backside. Because if you just try to squeeze the tooth, they're brittle. They're not, you know, they'll just crush. Dude, for $31.99, there's a

tooth extracting kit on Amazon. Link me. Let's go. Okay. You take that and a little magnum steel. Hell, you're in business. I got one I could pull right now. Which one?

Back here in the bottom. It's a wisdom tooth. It's the one that's broken. God, Amazon has everything. It's only $200 to get it pulled, but look at this. I need these anyway, even if I don't's only $200 to get it pulled, but oh, look at this. I need these anyway, even if I don't pull the tooth. Man, if I ever get into serial killing, this is something I'm going to need.

That's good thinking, Taylor. It is. It's more than just a... Speaking of serial killing, have you seen Mindhunters on Netflix? I haven't yet, but I've heard it's great. Dude, check that out. There's two seasons of it now very good stuff ed kemper interviews it was good as season one uh i i wouldn't say so but

it's still very good um i just did it's in atlanta so maybe you'll appreciate it more than the average viewer um they go down to atlanta and i didn't even know this happened but in the late 70s which i think is the right time frame like the time frame of the show there were this series there was a series of child murders here in atlanta um i think 27 children were killed damn and they caught a guy and they charged him with two of the adult murders but they never directly linked him or charged him to the other like 25 child murders these young black mostly boys age like 9 to 14 all but even the 14 year olds were like sort of prepubescent they all had the same look of like a younger boy and they were all like murdered and dumped here in atlanta and uh they

never solved the crime i guess that's a bit of a spoiler for the show but it's kind of like it's real life it's what actually happened so i was shocked that they never solved the crime. I guess that's a bit of a spoiler for the show, but it's kind of like it's real life. It's what actually happened. So I was shocked that they never solved the fucking crime when I got to the end of the show. You know, it's, it's, it's pretty interesting.

And of course they don't just focus just on those crimes. He's, they're still doing like the work of getting their analysis program up and running and getting the FBI to accept it. And they're, they, they interviewed Charles Manson. They interview a couple of other criminals.

Season 2 was good. I liked it. Season 1's excellent. You don't deal as much with the guy's personal life anymore because season 1 had a lot of him and his girlfriend and I didn't like that as much. You guys know the YouTube channel

I can't pronounce things I read, Amoletto? You guys know what's familiar with this? I'm not familiar. I'm addicted to it. It's short stories. So mega high production quality. Better than television.

And they do short stories. And the acting is like better than most of the actors on Netflix. It's all different people and i don't know where they're getting these things are they buying them from film festivals or something but they'll be eight to twenty minute videos and uh the title suck me in alone i'm searching for it real quick to get some examples. Gotta clickbait them in. The title just lays out the premise of it.

I'm almost there. Our video today was called A Bedazzled Japanese Triad Lamborghini Cat Attacked My Girlfriend. That's a lot of descriptors. Heavy adjectives. Who likes his adjectives?

A vigilante thief ransacked. It's kind of like my weight loss video, how a pinup girl saved my life. Not how Rob wasn't a fat ass anymore. It just sounded better. What are these? What are we talking about oh yours oh my we're back on me okay so it'll be like a deaf woman force forms a bond with a stranger forcing them to communicate without language 10 and a half

minutes long and i'm like man i want to see a high quality video on that young boy struggles with the loss of his mother while his sister copes through violence and there's this adorable young boy on the thumbnail um this sounds sad long distance couple finds modern technology may not be what they need and they're that sounds like black mirror yeah dude there's a lot of like you know like a sort of alternative science type stuff that goes on. I'm trying to find the ones that I've watched before. It sounds like they're buying them from the Lifetime

Network. I haven't had TV in a long time, but they're too short. They're recycling these things. The activity of a missing person's phone unravels a haunting story six minutes long.

And it's like, I can't not click on some of these things. I don't know. This channel has me. Humanist stuff, just like you really understand the, or is there a theme? It doesn't sound like they're humorous. It sounds like they're introspective. Introspective oftentimes. Are there any funny ones?

Yeah, there was a guy i watched one today a guy had cold feet so we posted on social media a poll of the whether or not he should get married and then the bride found out so it became this like major point of conflict everyone's mad people in the wedding are voting like don't marry this asshole. So they do have funny ones. A couple's attempt to spice up their marriage calls their reality into question. I saw that I had watched that one, so I thought it may be good. A washed up boxer gives a one-on-one lesson

that changes his life forever. That one was pretty funny. The guy comes in, I think he was like a computer programmer. He was terrible at boxing. But yeah, Amolettoeto it has me drawn in i i it's weird to me that like other people aren't watching this channel yeah i haven't even heard of it amuleto what how many views do their videos get actually now that you mentioned it it's not as much as i expected it to be there's a lot of like 20k 30k the ones that get suggested to me,

I think are going way bigger, like 800,000, 500,000. Here's one. Two women pick up a mysterious hitchhiker. It got over half a million. Here's one with 2.9 million. So they have some hits, but they're routinely getting 30s and 60s.

Well, I mean, production quality, unfortunately, is not the bar on youtube it's more quantity and consistency yeah i haven't been watching anything really new i guess uh you know watching a bunch of video game shit it was i wanted to play games when i was away and i couldn't obviously the new call of duty looks fun i played the beta yeah i heard i did poorly um that affected my opinion of the game like it sucks to suck play pc i was on pc yeah so i used to play on console and i used to be good i don't pretend to be great i never did but you'd want me on your team probably and uh

um then i switched to pc for the beta and i hadn't played in years and like and i was live streaming so it was a very public embarrassment and it wasn't the experience i was hoping it would be people were cool one guy said that he wanted to see my kill cam so that he could enjoy good gameplay oh which is hilarious that's a that's a good line yeah but yeah it's uh it's one of those things where like you know we play i've been playing exclusively on pc you know for years now and it's it's definitely an acquired fucking skill and and you know it's different going from an rpg to a shooter like like like we play a lot of pub g and but we've we played a bunch of cod too and it's it takes a while to get good yeah i played it takes a while to get good if you guys don't know

it's player versus environment so you're shooting a lot of dumb zombies or ai that almost stand still so i can move it like i'm not incompetent on mouse and keyboard but when it when you're playing as other people these are guys who snapping on target they've been playing competitively you know they get it's it's man against man there's no idiot standing still letting you pop them in the head and uh my my skills have grown soft on the the cozy world of pve yeah yeah yeah that'll definitely happen i want taylor to get his fucking pc fired up so I can finally play some fucking video games

Kyle it can take months or even years to order a computer I'm gonna fucking do it I mean all you gotta do is just pick a dollar amount I would recommend $3,000 no I do not take that recommendation pick a dollar amount. I would recommend $3,000.

No, I do not take that recommendation. I would also recommend $2,500. Yeah, I mean, how about $2,950? Could you get me going for $2,000? Before taxes? 50% taxes?

Sure, Taylor. $2,000 grand out the door 2600 we got you wired come on work with me Ed grab it get them up is that the going rate for a gaming rig now is 3000 I just know I'm going to start

a fucking twitch channel I'm going to make $60 and then be like, well, I guess I can write this PC off. I mean, well, you won't be partnered right away, Taylor. Don't get too cocky on that. Yeah, that's true.

Probably. I turned down a 2006 Mercedes today for less than that. Well, no one's... How many frames does it get, though? Does it have ray tracing? Kyle, do you really think it's like a

$3,000 thing? My eyes can't even see in high def. I will say this. If you're going to use the same computer to stream and play games, it can't be too lame. I don't want it to be lame. I want it to be good. I think mine is like $4,200.

And it's not a beast mode computer or anything. Do you have a 2080 yet? No. I've got a 1080 Ti still in it. I'm going to upgrade soon, I think. Here's the thing about that. I looked at the improvement

versus the cost, and it's like I'm going to get a very, at, at the improvement versus the cost. And it's like, I'm going to get a very small percentage of improvement for so much more money. It just didn't make any sense to go to the, the 20. Unless the game takes advantage of ray tracing. At which point it does that so much better.

And as lame as it is, there's a new Minecraft that does the coming out and, uh, I might want to mess with it yeah um it you know if i if i do any stream or anything i'll definitely probably go ahead and get the upgrade uh i've got another pc that's i don't know i don't remember what i spent but it's very expensive too and it's got a 1080 in it so i could use both of them but i would rather have one machine doing everything but yeah taylor it's it's not And it's, it's that thing.

What do you say? What do you buy it nice or buy it twice? Yeah. You're going to want a good one to start because it's one of those things. It's the bones of your computer need to at least be strong that you're going to put potential upgrades on. So, so, you know, that's something to think about too. I never do that.

Do you, I'll tell you what I do. I often buy a computer with a good skeletal system to continue the analogy. And then I let it age for a few years and buy a whole new computer with a good skeletal system. Well, like my last one I gave to Kitty because I wanted to upgrade and her PC was broken down. So I just gave her mine. And then I had iBuyPower build this one. And I forget which CPU it is, but it was the best one possible at the time. I think they've gone up another size or two since. And then I got the 1080 Ti, which was the best GPU at the time.

And, you know, I only use not SSDs, but what's the tiny SSD that I love so much? M.2? Is that what you're looking for? Yeah, the M.2. I love M.2. Everything's on an M.2 now. Everything's lightning fast when it loads. I dig it. I like what I got a lot.

But the thing is, if you get an $1,800 computer, and then by the time you get it shipped to you and you pay the taxes, you're at $2,100 or whatever, it's probably going to be okay, but you're going to struggle in a year or two years. You're definitely going to struggle in three.

But if you get one that's three grand, you'll be solid for four years, I would say. Yeah. Maybe five. Maybe I should bite the bullet then. I'm trying to budget right now because I just found out how expensive it is to get a tree removed.

Taylor's a new homeowner. Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations. I appreciate it. It's going well for the most part. I'm planting shit in my front yard now, like flowers and stuff and having rock put down

because I'm not doing the mulch game i'm not doing that every fucking year i'm getting rock put down and that's it what do you live in albuquerque what are you oh that's good because those rocks won't just sink into the dirt if you do it one time you'll never worry about it again because that's how rocks work to sink i'd just add more rocks right that. That's different than mulch. You got me. I'm going to go like five feet into the ground of rocks after the air raid.

Dude, I have a rock driveway and that's how it works. The driveway to my dad's farm? Yeah, they keep going down. No, not gravel. Big river rocks and shit in my area where it'd usually be mulched how big is the rocks like half a human head or like oh no no like like smaller rocks yeah those

are gone that's the kind that sinks right oh yeah those are gone those are gone forever no my dad's driveway he put gravel on it for 15 years every every year because he because like when when they come to pick up his chickens he has that poultry farm every seven it's it's incalculable but every seven weeks uh about 15 30 60 about 80 semi trucks go down and up the same little stretch of driveway not counting the ones that carry equipment to pick up the chickens. And that doesn't even count the ones that deliver the chickens.

So that gravel is meters and meters thick below the Earth's crust. Wait, but nobody's going to be driving on this rock. This is like, you know the decorative spaces in front of your house where you've got the rock retainer. Oh, okay, you're not doing a yard of gravel. You're doing mulch. I meant my front yard, where you would put mulch around plants usually by your front windows your house. You're not doing a yard of gravel. You're doing mulch. I meant my front yard

where you would put mulch around plants usually by your front windows and shit. I'm putting rock down instead of mulch. Put a layer of plastic there first. I'm definitely doing that. Did you say this was your dad or your dad's friend? Kyle.

My dad. The way he solved it, whenever they tear up an asphalt road, they have this machine that's ridiculous. It scoops under the asphalt and flips the old asphalt into it and then grinds it up into this powder. He would buy that powder by the dump truck load.

And when I say powder, it's like tarry gravel. And that stuff, whenever trucks drive over it, instead of sinking, it turns back into asphalt. So he got like a... That's cool.

It's called recycled asphalt product. Yeah yeah and if you really want to like yeah it's great stuff because like the the all those trucks that were hit the bane of his existence became the solution to turning that powdered shit into actual asphalt and i don't think the epa would like it but a little bird told me if you go out there and soak it all in diesel fuel on a hot day, it'll really get sticky and really compact down together well. I solved it differently. I got a tractor implement called a land plane. And once or twice a year, I come by. It pulls all the rock up.

And it's like for a day or two, it's sort of rock and dirt. And then after the first rain, it looks like I just bought rock. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's not cheap. I've, I've bought it a few times just for my little uses. You know, like doing the drive was like $900 on that short driveway that, that last driveway I had that was just like $900 worth of rock.

It seemed excessive. Yeah. I think I paid more the first time. And then another time I've got a little bigger rocks. Oh, yeah, that's right. You've got quite the driveway. I bet it's a little more than $900. Two driveways.

We're going to get one re-asphalted, and that's five digits. I'm going to call Ed and have him negotiate for me. How much? I don't know. I've never negotiated a plantation driveway before. You're about right. You're about right. The driveway to dad's house, I think, was like, of course it's been years ago, but it was 12.

I got a quote at 27. Yours would be with inflation and with two driveways. You're going to love it, though. You're going to love it. It's embarrassing now. We have a pothole in it. I should have gotten it already. You're going to love it. It's embarrassing now. We have a pothole in it and it like I should have gotten it already.

You're going to love it. You're going to love it. That fresh new dry. It's like new car smell. New asphalt smell. I do like that smell. I like it. Oh, it's so carcinogenic. Your brain cells popping. Yeah.

It reminds me of playing on the asphalt in grade school I'll just stick to drinking battery acid You guys are crazy That's a real throwback Was it you Woody That espoused the theory that one could drink Battery acid and be okay Or was that someone else

Not just that It's delicious Have you guys ever had battery acid? No. Is that a code word for something the kids do or are you actually talking about battery acid? When I was a child,

I had a jet ski and I would work on it myself orally. I'm 14. So typical in my attempts to get it to run, I would run the battery down, ruin battery after battery, and new ones would come in the mail, and they'd ship without the battery acid.

You had to pour it in yourself. Bottom line, I worked with battery acid a lot, and I'd get it on my fingers and stuff. And whatever, your fingers just work their way into your, maybe you're eating chips or something. And that's how I discovered how delicious battery acid is. I mean, it's really good. It's delicious.

Yeah, so like you'd work on a battery. Primo stuff. And I don't know if battery acid is as good as it was back in the 90s, but back in the late 80s, early 90s if battery acid is as good as it was back in the 90s but back in the the late 80s early 90s battery acid was tasty stuff i can picture you like with a tasting glass like uh this is an 80 uh 89 yamaha put your nose in it oh see see how i have no nose hair left this is a good year this is a good year for battery acid. And yeah, I never really drank it straight from the bag or anything.

It wasn't like I consumed a lot. I would just... It was finger licking good. Finger licking good. You know, I heard antifreeze tastes good too. I'm just saying. They made it taste bad. I guess it was killing too many kittens and stuff. Fucking bureaucrats.

Right? it was killing too many kittens and stuff. Fucking bureaucrats. Right? What was that? Bureaucrats ruining our childhoods by not letting us learn those mistakes. Yeah. I mean, it looks like liquid candy, doesn't it?

Bright colors and all. Different colors. Like Gatorade. What's the deal with antifreeze? Can you mix them nowadays if they crack that nut where you don't have to buy deal with antifreeze? Can you mix them nowadays if they crack that nut where you don't have to buy the right antifreeze? Yeah, they've got antifreeze that mixes with everything now. They have universal, but you

shouldn't put the wrong one in. If you put the wrong one in, it'll get you somewhere, but then you've got to flush the system. I didn't even know there were different kinds of antifreeze. I think the colors give it away. There's pink and the alien vomit green and you just an orange and yeah isn't there a blue one oh well shucks now i'm out of my debt well you can actually you can even tint antifreeze antifreeze is clear and i tint it obviously for different brands and different

things like that and for warranty stuff purposes also like Like Toyota has like the red antifreeze too. And Lexus, that was their big thing. Am I crazy? I thought you just kept it in the same color and you had the same kind. You were okay. That's not a thing. All right.

Well, don't let me work on your car. No. But to all the listeners out there, taste some battery acid and leave it in the comments. How much you enjoy it. Chase it with a shot of antifreeze. Can you tell if it's the right antifreeze

by taste? What if I just taste the one in the car, taste the one in the jug? You know. The kidney destruction will be the same. You'll know it right then. It's like people who have that disease like pica. Where they have rocks and stuff yeah they have

like just a huge psychological desire to eat non-food items and so there was some like tlc or some some bullshit show from years back when people actually watch regular tv and it was following it was supposed to be sad but it was so funny and they were like like i just can't stop they're like eating grass and little rocks. And they'll find a pine cone and like munch on that. There was one lady in My Strange Addiction, which this isn't necessarily pica, but it was similar where she was addicted to smelling soiled diapers.

And so she would just save all these diapers and like go over on camera and be like, I just can't get enough of it. The true story of how rabbit lost all that weight well for a while i was just eating rocks i had a rocket broken glass diet lost 123 pounds in a year that show that show my strange addiction they had the guy that was in love with his car you You remember that? Yeah. It was an old Monte Carlo. It was a shitty car on top of it.

How do you love a car? You put a fleshlight in the tailgate? This guy, he did. He made love to his car. He didn't show it. No judgment here. They should have showed it. They should have absolutely showed it.

I'm intrigued. Did they explain the lovemaking process? Well, this guy's sitting down on the ground kissing the bumper and stuff. They go on dates and stuff. I'm glad he had foreplay. I would hate for the car not to get it. Well, I mean, that's the thing.

You can't let the romanticism die. No. You got to keep it alive. Relationships are work. I typed in pica and a video from The Onion came up. A quick and simple drywall recipe that kids with pica will love. Every once in a while, The Onion hits a dinger. You know how they choose their stories i think

i'm going off top but they they literally just go to a pitch room where there's a meeting with all the people and they pose they propose the titles and then those titles get narrowed down you know they may have 40 titles and then they go to 20 and and then 10 will make that one of the numbers aren't important but and then the titles get selected to flush out an article and then a second draft. And that's how they do it. So those titles, like the hook,

the premise is how they get chosen. Like no, they don't pitch full stories. Yeah. Especially in the internet world, you know, where that clickbait title, that thing that makes you laugh before you even read the article is essential it's my daily life yeah i mean essentially when we get pitched stories for

vin wiki stories that's that's what it comes down to because if you can't come up with a clickbait title for whatever the material is it generally won't get traction. There's just, it just seems to be the way that, you know, the way that YouTube suggests videos, if it's a, it's title and thumbnail driven, if you can't come up with a good picture for the thumbnail and a good title, doesn't matter how great the story is. It's just, they won't do well. Have you been able to like tie into a community of peers and share tips and tricks and and you know

like some youtubers do that they form like a i want to call it a coalition but you know they they they form a group and they say this is what i figured out what'd you figure out yeah we've got a group of probably 15 16 of like the top automotive youtubers and we all talk pretty regularly about what works what doesn't and what we're, what we're seeing because it's, you have to. And so like, you know, in the last three weeks that with the most recent algorithm change, the, we all saw a simultaneous reduction in viewership and increase in ad rate.

So the end result from Google AdSense revenue is pretty much a wash, but we're all down on views. The assumption is that it's kind of making way for upstart channels. YouTube has always seemed like it encourages channels that encourage channels because they want more people creating content. Channels like ours inspire other channels. Rob started a channel, other storytellers that are kind of frequent on our channel have started their own channels and done well. And so like Doug DeMuro motivates automotive reviews, car reviews.

So people do that more often when they watch his content more often. And so it seems like there's a lot of new channels that are getting maybe irrational traction. They're just getting more than they might naturally get. And that's probably in the place of some of the views that we're not seeing. That's interesting. Yeah. This show has been doing a little better, but it's hard to understand the the analytics of it for example we had like a kyle's last show that did really well we had a kyle return that did really well we had a guest who's huge mr beast and that did really well so it's hard to is it an algorithm change

or is it people who maybe just don't watch every show thing i want to see this one i don't know what percentage of your views are subscriber based? I haven't looked. I haven't looked because it's, it's like notifications and things like that mean almost nothing in the automotive world. So it's, it's very now, you know, obviously a subscriber or a frequent viewer, even an occasional viewer is more likely to be suggested a video that you make and release on a new basis. But you're right. You can't really deduce anything from the analytics. So it's very descriptive rather than prescriptive.

You're not going to make a decision based on the analytics. You're just going to be able to see if a decision that you made based on another criteria happened to be successful. Yeah, you bet. I yeah you've been doing well the subscribers have been fucked for a long time i think part of like the viewership is we finally got the title thing down where for the longest time we were putting titles in that get you like what is it deprioritized or something oh yeah there are words you can't say. So like, instead of like, we used to just put like,

it'd be like homeless guy comes all over random retard. And then it'd be like, Oh no, that one got delisted. And so now we put like a fellow without a home is something gets excited. Citizen had that i had one recently i had this guy call me out of the blue and or send me an instagram message that resulted in an immediate phone call because it was fascinating premise and he said do you want to know the real story behind your gray Lamborghini? Of course I do. And he said, well,

we need to talk. And so I talked to him and essentially the title that resulted from this encounter was an Iranian terrorist drug dealer crashed my Lamborghini. There is no way to get any form of that title monetized. No, it is impossible. Did you get, did you appeal it? Okay, And there is no way to get any form of that title monetized. It is impossible. Did you appeal it? Carry on.

Oh, yeah. Well, we've been down this road before with my x-ray video. Yeah, Rob sold an x-ray machine to some terrorists, and you can't get that monetized either. Go figure. Yeah, go figure. So the story's generally you can talk about terrorism but you can't make it a title and you can't put drugs in the title because when rob found a bunch of drugs in a car they were selling at carmax we got that demonetized as well so as long as it's

not in the title it's okay but essentially this guy that called me had gotten some girl pregnant whose dad was a Canadian car dealer because he was a refugee from Iran for being a terrorist and blowing up bazaars. But the real reason he was a car dealer was that he was using these cars to store drugs in the frames and sell them across the Canadian-American border and move drugs into the U.S. And he was party to this as an employee of his eventual father-in-law, but essentially his baby mama's dad employer. And so they were very good at getting these drugs in there, but they had this consignment Lamborghini that they needed out of the showroom. So they went

out driving it drunk one night and the dealer got so drunk that he let his 15-year-old daughter's boyfriend, baby daddy guy drive. And so this 15-year-old kid crashed my car. A 15-year-old baby daddy? That kid was more successful in high school than me. That kid fucks. Yeah. Right.

more successful in high school than me. That kid fucks. Yeah. Right. And so we ended up actually calling it because one of the more famous stories on our channel is me buying a Lamborghini from the prostitute. And so we ended up calling

it a previous Lamborghini owner that makes Kimmy look like a nun. That worked well, but it was very internal. Like you'd have to have seen the other video. Yeah, the inside joke. Yeah. And so it didn't do as well as it would have otherwise, but it did okay. Kyle, here's a prison question for you.

So the prostitute that previously owned one of my Lamborghinis is currently in confinement. And there is constant requests that we somehow arrange an interview of her in prison. Yeah. I assume that is not a realistic thing to accomplish for a YouTube video. But in your experience, is it? So she might get in some trouble, but of course you can't. So what you'd want to do is write a letter to her and ask her if she'll give her your phone number, your address and address. Let's just say that and your name.

And she can add if it's like my system, then she would add you to the data bank so that she could then call you from the prison. And then she could call you. And we had 15 minutes and you could record that phone call. But she might get into, you throw some mackerel in there. You might get two phone calls. Oh yeah. And you may have to pay and maybe in the letter and say that, you know,

Hey, I don't know what your phone calls cost, but I would compensate you, you know, cause ours were like a buck a minute or something like that, or 40 cents a minute, something like that. But I wasn't allowed to do that because I asked permission rather than forgiveness.

I was like, hey, what if, what do I call my buddy? And he records me telling him what's going on in here. And then he puts it on the internet. And they were like, we already had somebody run a damn radio show out of here. Uh-uh, uh-uh. He was calling into the local FM station. Uh-uh, uh-uh. Not again. Never again the local FM station. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Not again. Never again. You just wait till you get out.

And I was like, cool. All right. I'm glad I didn't do that. Yeah. Eddie Murphy was your prison guard? Yeah. Well, the other issue is... My career's not doing so well. You know, it's a... I don't know that she... I assume at this point she's probably She's not doing so well. You know, it's, it's, uh, I don't know that she,

I assume at this point, she's probably aware that we've talked about her. Um, but I, I have no direct knowledge of that. And so revealing that in such a way could open up a can of worms that I may or may not be interested in. You know, you don't have to tell your recording.

Are you saying you wouldn't want Kimmy to comes to Shacket Weave for a night or two? I heard she puts out. We've introduced her description to so many people. She's a literal whore. I mean, literally, Ed. I mean, you've got Graham and you've got another baby on the way. She could be a nanny. Reformed.

She seems like a real homemaker. She could be. There youmaker yes she could be there you do something it's got those kind of letters in and stuff i don't think it's that yeah is she in like a county jail or something i i don't know it's it's a uh uh i don't know i don't have to look that up yeah does that change things you think yeah yeah yeah the rules and stuff and like how easy it is and how much it costs and what the limitations on the phone would probably vary from institute to institute.

For all I know, she's got a cell phone in there and she could just fucking call you straight from that and nobody would ever know if she's... Well, if they don't know any different, I mean, if you made the phone call, you just made a phone call. Yeah, exactly. Well, then we put it on the internet for millions of people

to watch. Yeah. Anonymize it. It's a little bit of a wrench in the plan, I suppose. You could give her a name up. You could tell the story without prison guards. It's Mimi, cell block three, Tyler Dick. Yeah, I don't think we're going to go down that road.

I mean, you wouldn't get in any trouble. It would just be her that could possibly get in a little bit of trouble in jail. Could she have a visitor and do it that way? Oh, yeah. Mindhunter style? Yeah, you could do that for sure. Through the glass. That would be even better.

We didn't have glass. We had a nice little room that you could go to and sit right across the table from them. You could hug each other and all that stuff. Outdoor lawn furniture? What did it look like? No. As soon as you walked through the doors, we had a visitation center, visitation room.

It's all open and there's tables with chairs all around them all throughout the room. It's a really big room and you could just sit there with your family and talk to them for i don't know how long it was an hour or two hours uh a couple times a week what about conjugal visits could you have had them in theory no no i don't think that's a real thing that's not a real thing not not not that i know anything about certainly isn't something that could ever happen where i was staying because these guys have wives furlough was a thing that they could give you. They could give you like what they could basically let you out of jail for a

little while to go have some fun. It's what it seemed like to me. I think the purpose of furlough would be like, all right, you leave. You've got 72 hours to be in that prison in Florida where you're being transferred to. You better show up now. Don't be late. And they do a thing like that. And they do like work furlough furlough where they would just get out to go do a job or go to work. But they didn't really give that up. Like the recreational type of furlough at, at the prison I was staying at guys real pissed off about it.

Yeah. I can imagine you guys. I've been here for nine days. I'm going crazy. Can I get through? Can I get through after Can I get three? For the weekend? Yeah.

And then, of course, guys would go fuck their girlfriends. That's the goal of furlough. That's what they want to do. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. But in the visitation room, that's where a lot of stuff got smuggled into the prison. They would hand off a cell phone or hand off tobacco or drugs or

they're being watched. Right. So they had to be. So there was no smoking in, in this jail. There was a lot of smoking, but it was all against the rules. Um, people would roll their own or they would actually have like Marlboro cigarettes and they would light them with two double a batteries taped together and they would run a wire across to the wire, got red hot and they would, they would light up. They, they count us every four hours. They come in, they walk the line, they look at everybody, even in the middle of the night, they sort of flick a flashlight at you. They don't shine your eyes, but they illuminate your little cube that you're, that you're staying in. And we know when they're coming. So as soon as they leave and walk out, we know they're not coming back for three or four hours, so everybody would go to the bathroom and smoke. Kyle was saying the prison guard's priority was

the count. That was the thing. All they really, really want is for you to be where you're supposed to be. Everything else is a little casual. They know you're smoking. They walk by, the place stinks of cigarettes. Not a top priority. Just so long as you're where you're supposed to, even like not hurting each other. Kyle said it wasn't their top goal. Their goal, you be where you're supposed to

be. And don't mess up the count. They get very angry about messing up the count. If you're in the shower when it's time for them to count you, that's a real fucking problem. There will be screaming and threats. And they might throw you in solitary confinement for a couple of days. More than likely, they're going to scold you a little bit and some prisoners are going to come around later on. They're going to threaten

you a little bit. I saw that happen. But, you know, because they count you and if it's not right, that means somebody's not fucking here. They've escaped. So they count you again. And if it's still not right, somebody has fucking escaped and there's gonna some phone calls that have to be made and if they make these phone calls and tell and the apb is put out an escaped federal prisoner and then all of a sudden you come out of the fucking toilet and you're like i was constipated what am i gonna do you're in a lot you have made a lot of people look bad you know a lot of the guards look like ass now. So they did not like that at all. But yeah, you could smell the cigarette smoke on people.

Hypothetically screaming from the toilet. Like, I'm in here. I'm sorry. That works at night, but not during the day. You're supposed to be in that cube silent as a mouse standing. So it's scheduled. Counts. Yes. So it's not like it snuck up on you.

You saw it coming four hours away no there's no sneaking at all like i was telling them um last show like they walk around with this big key chain that like goes from like sort of just right of their crotch at the belt line to sort of like just but it's sort of like a chain you know with a bunch of keys hanging from it that sort of the middle of the chain hangs about where your hip pocket is so the other ends are kind of one kind of on the back right of your belt and one on the front right of your belt and it jingle jangles everywhere you go like you've got jingle bells on you they and they would intentionally jingle it did you say yeah they

they they want they put extra shit on it so it's extra jingly. It's not just keys. It'll be like little coins and stuff. 37 pieces of flair in your prison. Yes. And the whole point is... It could be five, but it should be more. It's so that you can hear them. They want you to hear them and to get your shit right when they come by.

And that way... Because if they see you with some cigarettes or something, now they have to do paperwork. Now they've got to handle the situation. And also if they see you with it and they've been jingle jangling, you're literally disrespecting them to their face. You're saying, yeah, I knew you were coming. What of it? They're going to fuck you up then too. You'll be in the solitary confinement for a couple of weeks and they'll find you 50 or a hundred dollars and they'll take away your commissary

privileges and your phone privileges and they'll fuck you up. Did you find yourself in that predicament? No, I didn't do shit wrong. I didn't smoke. I didn't drink. I just, I read, I read like 15 fucking books. Were they making PJ in there? They got real alcohol.

What? Yeah, they've got real alcohol, whiskey and vodka that people are sneaking over the fences. They put it in a plastic bottle. Oh, I thought it was in the commissary or something. Oh, no. It's like bar prices, though. It's $8 a shot.

You put it in a little plastic bottle of vodka and just flick it over the fence in the, in the back part of the yard where nobody goes, no guards are ever up there. Just go by there in the morning, scoop it up. You said there wasn't going to be a fence. Did you think that, or were you just saying that? Um, they didn't used to have a fence there. That was a new addition. And by new, I mean, in the last five years, but that website had not been updated. And there's a lot of lies on that website. I think I mentioned it last week, but they lie on the website and

say they have certain programs and classes so the prisoners will want to transfer there. But once you've transferred there, you find out there are no classes and you can't leave for 18 months. And they get about $100 a head to imprison you there. $100 a head? I think I could fit like 18 guys.

A day house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Goodness. It's like an Airbnb premium. Yeah. And,

and you know, if you, if they come under budget, they get the percentage of that budget. So they're not spending the a hundred dollars or probably whatever it costs to run air conditioning. We could put some bunk beds in the game of Thrones room. And I think we know how Jackie feels feels about felons visiting you're probably right ask her if she'll ever make an exception for me she's already made an exception for you we

brought it up oh that's funny i'll tell her thank you very much i'm glad you trust me around the silverware well is that about a wrap because my chicken tortellini soup in there is uh is nearing perfection it's time to add the cream and the tortellini melatonin maybe waiting for me my sleep schedule's destroyed i'll be up all night i might go get some taco bell or something i don't know oh eating good host mates you, you mean, obviously. Oh, you're right. Yeah, I'm a postmate. Where can everybody find you two?

All your socials and your channels and everything. Go ahead, Rob. You can find me. I'll be honest with you. I'm a very easy guy to find on the internet. Just search when I'm not getting attacked by my pet

webster uh hey little black never hurt nobody but anyway so anyway you can look me up rob pitts on youtube instagram or type in rabbits used cars that pulls it right up there you go and ben wiki on everything. Our YouTube channel, Instagram, and Twitter. Thank you all so much for having us. It's always great to be here. Thanks for having me.

Thanks for coming on. Thanks for coming on, guys. 461.