Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #466

Episode Date: November 29, 2019

In this week's PKA, our good friend Filthy Robot returns! To scream & yell at the stupidity that is Taylor's version of birth control, which is leading to pregnancy scares with his girlfriend, Filthy gives us some updates on his streaming career and shares with the fellas he's considering getting a vasectomy. You're not gonna want to miss this episode of PKA!

PKA 466. I know all my numbers. With our guest, Filthy Robot. Kyle? Yeah. Filthy Robot. I love it. I love it. Alright. Couple sponsors tonight. ExpressVPN. Smart Mouth. And Morgan.

And Morgan, of course, for the people, baby. And we'll get to them later on in the show, of course. But yeah, we got our good friend, Filthy Robot on the show tonight. I knew it. I'm like, why are they laughing? Why are they all laughing? Filthy Robot. I can't wait to meet him.

I'm guilty. I'm sorry. Yeah, I hopped on your stream the other day. Filthy, you were playing a game that I'm not smart enough to comprehend, but it looked like you had quite a few people watching and it looked like you had aic-tac-toe you were red and the other guy was black and i thought it was a racial thing so i just got out of it you said king me and i didn't get it

that's that's been a weird one because um this was one i did a poll on my channel for a couple weeks of games that i missed basically really good games that didn did a poll on my channel for a couple of weeks of games that I missed. Basically, really good games that didn't make it to my channel that chat really thought I should go back and try out. And this was like the second place one. It's called RimWorld and it's extremely complicated. And chat is teaching me to play this game, which is a questionable experience.

RimWorld, an ass eating adventure. Yeah, chat recommended it. I just assumed it would be good. So it's been really good super super good game but it's very very very very crazy how's the streaming game been for you like obviously you're liking that game but how's the the whole strategy angle yeah ups and downs ups and downs uh a little bit of your accounts right now it's it seems that seems to be for me at least very related to the game i'm playing so it's like when and my my like the stuff i'm

interested in is just off of mainstream a bit so like when it overlaps with a real mainstream game those are my best viewer kind of games when it's like more of a you know a small kind of game or a game that's targeted to a really specific market then it's lower for me i thought you're for civilization seven civ was good when civ 6 came out i got some huge numbers when darkest engine came out i got very good numbers it depends and you know the's still this little cycle of hype too. You get the release hype and then it goes down again. If you were to stream Civ 6,

if you were to still be streaming Civ 6, it'd be dead by now. The game itself or my mental health? I can see either. He streamed Civ 5 back in the day. Civ 6 is the newest one. That's the one that made me quit playing. i'm just saying it had a pop because everyone was excited about six i got you but if he tried to wear that into the ground you know it'd be he'd

have accomplished that by now yeah yeah although you know you see these streamers who are streaming the same game for years and years and years and i know you know i know personally some of them who are just totally tired of the game they're streaming but they stream it because they can't get away from it and i i that's the joy that the game they're streaming, but they stream it because they can't get away from it. And I, I, that's the joy that the good part about being a variety of streamers. I'm not, I'm not stuck there.

I don't have to do that. I can do whatever the fuck I want with that. And my viewers are going to come follow me with that. And there's going to be ups and downs in that. But end of the day, I get to actually enjoy what I'm doing. You don't play any shooters out of it, but I'm doing just,

it's going to be a mind sweeper channel. That's all I'm going to play. We'll mix in solitaire on the weekend. Are you any good at mind sweeper? No, I don't. I never really played. Never? No. Yeah, when you put your, you know, I do eight hours or

seven hours a day, six days a week. You play mind sweeper for fucking 42 hours a week, you're going to improve, I think. By move number four in Minesweeper, I'm just guessing. It's taking forever. Let's just see how far I can get down. Am I the only one who knows how to play Minesweeper?

No, not guessing as in I don't get the game. Guessing as in I'm not counting all these boxes. Fuck it. Let's see how far I can get with just clicking. I got to count to three? No way. Think about how many times you have to count to three. At least a dozen.

Connect four. It's a lot of counting. Have dozens of times. I'm going back to connect four. Yeah, I know how to play Mindsweeper. I played it once and a stream was impressed that I could verbally talk through my decision making and I thought everyone could do that.

I think they can. I hope they can. i hope they can they tricked me i hope they can yeah with this new camera setting i still haven't figured it all out yet i look both sunburned and have the blackest shirt on i'm fighting with my camera too i'm this close to to buying uh one of the new really high res uh ones ones that you use for the real cameras that you're streaming on. I always forget the acronym. It's a four letter acronym, like right on the verge of getting one of those. But it's like two grand for the fucking camera. So I think I have my color correction actually sorted.

In my opinion, you guys don't see it because you're using a different camera on Discord. But for the viewers, I'm looking pretty tan. This is the best looking I can make my camera look me. But if you look at the doors behind me viewers see how they're yellow that's how you know it's all alive those are white doors this is a blue room I'm giving myself a tan with this color correction you did the wrong thing Woody I inversed it where I look fucking bad on stream years of pka me looking either like way too pale or way too red and so when i finally posted like a cell phone picture of me like on my instagram or whatever a couple years ago now people like wow you're looking great i didn't actually look that great it's just they finally

saw a normal look of me instead of just trash low It's the genius of low expectations. Middling at best, I'd say. Just the size of my head in real life. Kyle can... It's like one of those bobbleheads. David, I hate driving through parades. So I'm hopefully going to get the Twitch thing worked out.

I was talking to these guys earlier. I spent hours the other night with a lot of helpful people trying to set up the YouTube streaming part of it. And after hours and hours of it, trying to work around because there was a thing on my stream labs where it was like, your YouTube channel is not enabled for live streaming labs where it was like, your YouTube channel is not enabled for live streaming. And I was like, that can't be true. It just can't be true. I've

live streamed before when I used this channel seven years ago. And it turns out that they took a bunch of... They're changing how streaming works on YouTube, someone explained to me. And so a lot of dead channels just for ease of use for YouTube, they just disabled it for them. And so by the time we figured that out and that it wasn't fixable until YouTube redoes it, it was late, and so I hopped off. But now I'm trying to get the Twitch thing figured out. I should have a couple hours late Saturday afternoon

to work on it and get that sorted. And so I'm hoping to get the first stream up this weekend. I'm excited to do it. It's going to be fun as fuck. I loved just interacting with people, shooting the shit shit the south park game seems fucking perfect for it because it's uh from what i remember and i don't remember much super fucking funny it's south park so that's you know pretty much a given so i'll tweet it out at murka durka and if you just want to follow my twitch it's taylor murka So go ahead and follow and get all that,

and I'll be upstreaming before you know it. Sounds good, man. I look forward to watching. I want that same promo blurb at the end of the show because I've been here like 16 times now, and I've never heard it said as clearly as that. So that's my request. Philby, you don't play any shooters, do you? No, I very rarely play first person shooters just not into

it not your thing yeah i like a game that i can think about like what makes me happy about at the end of it is you know when i when i get to invest hours in it offline thinking about ways to do it better and thinking about things that i can implement and then the real time yeah so i like those i like yeah that makes sense there can be good shooters that do that the best ones that the most like overlap for that has been um mmos right because there's a combination of um kind of first person reflex stuff in mmos but there's a lot of strategizing about like character creation so that's the kind of overlap i do with fps yeah that makes sense i'm i'm so addicted to tarkov right now i'm i'm absorbed in it i've been playing playing with a couple of friends who are much better.

They're like longtime players. They've been playing for years, and they've been kind of holding my hand. I'm a Kerry Diamond. That's an inside joke, but it's a lot of fun. Welcome to the club, brother. It's so much fun. I go in there, and we went in in earlier and everybody was like all right everybody suited up and ready to go i'm like yeah i got 400 000 rubles worth of shit on me let's go and we

immediately all die and it's all gone it's all gone that's all gone you don't get it you felt like a bitch translate 400 000 rubles in two hours um i'm pretty i'm pretty good at like doing the scav runs or maybe i've just been lucky but it depends on your skill level i guess i should say i it's a couple hours time okay almost a couple hours uh for sure of work that i had put in um but i've got like two million rubles in the bank so it's not like a broker or anything i can and i've got plenty of like extra guns and gear sets in my like stash or whatever so i'm it's not like oh well i can't play the game now money's just like money's a funny thing on that too do you want to go first yeah okay sure yeah so i had to chime in on too because for games like that i used to play even online and we talked about this before on this channel before but uh i used to fly around in ships that

were over a hundred dollars worth of real money if you converted those and at some point you just get good enough in these games or set up enough in these games that resource investment isn't the end of the world you're never planning on like cashing out directly you're not doing it for a business and you get to do things you couldn't do otherwise with that equipment and that makes it fun for me that ties into what i was going to say glad you went first um like when you have a lot of money it's a little easier to make more money. You know, they just throw it at you, whatever. When you're dead broke,

it's really hard to get out of that dead broke situation. But when you have a lot of money, it's also easy to piss it away and think that money was easy to come by. When in reality, you may be a little lucky or it's not a repeatable thing. So don't piss it away. Then you'll be dead broke

and you'll have a hard time not being dead broke anymore it's an interesting little thing like what happened money it's easy to get more and it's easy to lose it all yeah yeah for sure but it's hard to go from broke to not broke can you translate so you did it to a translation of game time uh kyle but can you do it also can you cash out of a game like that is that a game where you can translate there's not like real money involved uh there are some like shady like discords where you can go and like maybe trade some in-game items for actual real real world cash but i'm not interested in doing anything like that uh because filthy saw a business opportunity right there like hey just hypothetically is there a gray market

when i when i when i quit my eve when i quit eve to go to graduate school uh you know that that had to happen i couldn't do both simultaneously there's too much time investment to eve i sold my eve accounts and we bought i bought myself and my wife my wife his girlfriend at that time tickets to hawaii and we did a hawaii vacation off that account from eve accounts yeah yeah for my eve account did you make a good rate like i know well players who were like i'm making real money here like 80 cents an hour i wasn't farming on that account that that was a you know i played that game because i loved the shit out of that game but when it was time to go like the only way i was

going to get out of it was to physically divest myself of that account and i also want to die back on it michael it's worth a lot if i get rid of it so but but but in terms of like you didn't make a lot per hour. No, absolutely not. The number of hours I put into the game were astronomical. Okay. I'm not judging. I'm just kind of curious. Because I think there are people on Earth who sometimes, you know, make a decent wage.

Yeah. Most of the time, it's cool it's not zero. I'm just checking your YouTube channel now. You used to upload like sections of all your streams do you not do that anymore? you're talking to me? yeah YouTube has been a clusterfuck for me this year

the basic idea was I messed around with some editors this year hired a couple different editors had some suggested to me etc and the goal was to create edited guide videos on my main channel and highlight videos on my main channel and a secondary channel for full uploads of VODs. What ended up happening is a series of really unpleasant encounters with various editors

bailing at random times and it's now kind of the whole thing is kind of floating around as I fix it. So it's at the moment, no. At the moment, it's just it's a mess right now. Okay. What are you looking for particularly tiller oh no i was just checking to see if you were still doing that just just getting keeping tabs on you spying almost yeah the goal is yes to be doing that regularly again but kind of i uh this channel i had people

messaging me apparently i fucking ruined the pka reddit last week because i went through and she was like hey you should uh go through and like private all your old videos so that your youtube channel when you stream they will just be like a streaming channel and then i was like oh okay so we'll just be a streaming channel i still got like 115 000 subs or something on that of which like 19 are active and so i went through and did that and then i realized like wait but wait, but how am I going to, am I going to hit the required view count to get streaming again without like all these videos up? And so I went and un-privated all of them again,

850 videos. And apparently there's a bot on the PKA Reddit that posts every time any, any of the three of us say, post a video, it goes off. And so 800 notifications of videos showed up. People were like, what the fuck?

Why are you doing this? I was like, my bad. I didn't even know. I kind of want to do it now. I have 3,000 videos. They probably just turned that bot off at this point. 12,000. I think so. For a very long time uh almost all of my

streams were chopped up into half hour segments and uploaded so i've watched hours and hours of filthy just probably 100 probably flat 500 hours of filthy playing uh civ because you know some of those games are eight hours yeah you're sending me right before this this started that you're subbed to my channel that's super cool man i'm glad i'm glad that my stuff is enjoyable for you yeah yeah i always like you know anytime i hop on twitch i like to see what uh you know i see if you're streaming hop in there and see what's going on you know and uh and it's always a good time yeah i enjoy watching your streams i watched syndicate stream cod the other night he's good at that game. No shit. I walked into it thinking,

oh, Syndicate's probably like me, you know, good a couple years ago. No. No, he's not like me at all. He's very good at that game. He's out there. He's playing like 20v20, and he's the best person in the lobby every game.

And I, yeah. But was it was cool it was fun he has a good vibe so anyway i watch people stream you guys surviving the season change i know what you probably get a little bit north carolina woody and i'm what about in georgia anything any what snow or what no like see like how bad how bad does it get cold wise oh it's it's actually worse than people think like like georgia's interesting where like the summers can get up to like 100 degrees and a little bit over like 101 102 and the winters can drop down to like the negatives at night you know maybe negative 10 negative 15 at night on like the worst of the nights but you, you know, I have no illusions.

I know I'm not in Minnesota or anything like that. But yeah, it gets pretty cold right now. It's pleasant. Like I would go out without a jacket, probably just wear long sleeves. It was 60 degrees here today and it snowed last week. So net win. How about you? Is it already really shitty up there?

Yeah, it's fairly miserable. It was like rainy and like blowy today i hate i hate season changes when uh the winter season changed from fall to fall to winter it just absolutely kills me kills all my energy kills all my like desire to do anything just like absolutely miserable for this and then yesterday i was so yesterday my apparently this i just want to give you a sense of like insult to injury with that right so i'm already kind of like you know channels down a little bit right now youtube's in a fucking clusterfuck like season changing hating every moment of it and yesterday morning my day starts like this i wake up having dove from my bed straight into the wall out of my bed from a

dream you know how like sometimes you're you're you're like you're twitching in a dream or something one of these deals happen where like none of my like bodily functions shut off and to make it worse apparently my wife was awake next to me right as this happened she saw me like in bed just suddenly dive out of the bed straight into the wall the wall is like two foot from the bed and like smack head into the wall it was fucking that's how i woke up yesterday i'm like good morning are you okay you're not like, I don't know, wrestling with anxiety or something? It's just a down patch.

It's just a down patch. There's ups and downs in streaming, for sure. It's the way it goes. But yeah, I've done that too, where when you're in that almost sleeping time, and you kick or punch or spasm, I hate that, and it wakes you up. Do you not get that ever, Kyle? This is like a normal thing that... I took a nap on the couch today uh around noon and um all of a sudden i i

left my phone loud which you know i i usually have it on vibrate or even silent and my phone i have a setting where i turn it upside down it just instantly instantly silences um but i had it loud and i got a message and it scared me so badly that like i jumped up and my heart was going i don't know why it scared the fuck out of me i hate that feeling i don't watch horror movies for that because i hate jump scares because i hate the feeling of the accelerated heart rate that's i love it i love it oh i like horror movies and i like games do that to me i like adrenaline don't get me wrong i like i'm a i'm a thrill seeker when it comes to sports and what you know that kind of thing but like i hate the surprise adrenaline rush fucking drives me nuts don't like that at all the best video games do that to me um games like uh uh dead space was was an actual jump scare horror game and it also

had that real depressing just keeps pushing you down every like i don't know in halo you'll be like and you're like yeah i'm awesome and we, and we're winning, and Dead Space is just like, this is awful, and even if we win, everyone loses. It's a depressing game, especially Dead Space 1. I liked that. It tamps down expectations for me. It's a wonderful game, but no, I'm talking about games where there's a risk-reward involved,

and if I win this gunfight, if I kill that guy, there were me and three of my friends, we ran into four of them, if I win this gunfight, if I kill that guy. There were me and three of my friends. We ran into four of them, and it's come down to just me and this guy. And if I win, I get all the loot. I get eight people's loot, and maybe my friends can come back

and recover what I can't carry. And it's literally 24 hours of man hours are on the ground right now. Like actual real world man hours. My heart is, my hands are shaking. It's like that. But that's such a different, that's such a different for me anyway, subjective experience between that and a jump scare. Right?

Maybe they're both different in some way. It's very different. One of those is so like unpleasant for me. And one is like, I really enjoy too. Games very rarely, like the game itself impacts my like sense of anxiety or jump scare or adrenaline or anything like that that's not what i get from games the happiness and sadness that come from games for me is usually the social side i had an experience recently like people ask me what was your best gaming experience i think i had a top

tenner on my life like two live streams ago. I walk in. I'm a level, I don't know, 37 or something in COD. Not that high. And my team is stacked with 155s, which is the top one. Okay, cool. We're going to crush. Our team of five or six goes in against a full clan. They're all good.

Instantly, they start keying in on me. Fuck you, Woody. What the fuck, Woody? Woody, you suck. Like, my mic wasn't even on, right? Like like i don't know how i'm getting all this attention but they saw my name and they started going at me and my i'm live streaming so my stream is going wild over this and they're like what happened they're they're just online bullying our favorite boomer and uh it's a game mode that goes up to five and we're instantly down three nothing and then four to one and we came back in one and i loved it it was like it that's the kind of highest high i get it's not

from you know good loot on the ground although that's nice and i've had good loot in borderlands i don't get that excited but like when my bully gets his comeuppance that's what gets me cooking that's what i like and then remember that show on mtv bully beat down fake but i love it yeah oh don't ruin it for me yeah jason miller was the ufc fighter on that and dude i got tears even though i know it was fake right i'm a crier when people win um that's it's victory that inspires me like that and uh there's there's this one bully who's particularly egregious and he's really twisted than i think he's fucking the victim's sister right and uh yeah and mayhem miller is just like you know and he's like where where's my guy right because like these bullies fight ufc fighters and if they

can do any good at all any good i got you for three minutes right that's what happens they have to survive the stand up for like three minutes or something and in the ground game i think they have five minutes to avoid five subs you know if they only get subbed three times they get two grand you know if they avoid all five they get five anyway mayhem mill is like, sometimes a bully is a big enough asshole that I take care of it myself. And he takes off his jacket and his hands are already wrapped. He's got MMA shorts on under his pants. And you're like, what? No!

Mayhem Miller's the guy? There was a point where the bully, even though intellectually I know it's fake, he's going after the victims in the octagon. And you have to, I wish I could do it like he did. But he gave this, like, you're about to overstep your bounds vibe. He just goes, right? Like, he puts his one finger to stop the guy from advancing forward and the guy he respected the vibe he's like oh man miller just put his finger up i guess i better step back

i always wanted to see an episode where it was like brock lesnar is calling me names and so he comes in and beats the shit out of the justice man he calls man, he calls me names, too. You just got to let it slide. Honestly, man, that's not what this show's for. You just deal with Brock. One of the bullies won. Yeah. Really? The UFC fighter loses on one of them.

I have to look up the fighter. Was that scripted as well? I don't know. I don't know. The bullies often have St Stuntman on their like IMDB, you know. So but yeah, I like that show anyway. And I choose to believe parts of it were true. My favorite parts.

Yeah. So you like the comeback story that you're a star of. That's what you're saying. Kind of. Oh, in gaming? Yeah, I would say that. It doesn't. A comeback story is huge.

That's a big part to make it cool. But usually it's more about them getting their comeuppance. I used to play Left 4 Dead on console every night and I was, it was good, right? I was the player

who played six hours a day, right? I'm not amazing, but I was solid. And I played with this girl, Hannah, and she was in Arizona. Like, anyway. That's all right.

You have fucking airplanes. You have a little car motor. You could get there in a couple of days. Is she hot. That's all right. You have fucking airplanes. You have a little car motor. You could get there in a couple days. Is she hot? I don't know. As soon as they saw her name in game,

they started picking on her. And when the teams broke up and we can only do each other, it's like, all right, guys, on me. And I was just like the best version of me.

In Left 4 Dead, there's a mechanic where you pick up your teammate and then carry on and stuff. And yeah, I was just like the best version of me in left 4 dead there's a mechanic where you pick up your teammate and then carry on and stuff and uh yeah i was just like i was the best me i was picking everyone up carrying the whole team and we won and afterwards talking mad trash my favorite video game moments were overcoming very very very very low expectations. It'd be like 6v6 search and destroy, and it would be like three of them on the other team and me and the other guy left on ours, and the other guy dies.

You know that everybody in the chat is like, fuck! Well, this one's over, and then every once in a while, I would fall ass backwards into them running bad patterns and me killing them. And then defusing it. It was like, man, I did not

earn this. But everyone would be stoked on me, and that was great. Yeah. We're doing the ninja defuse. That's what it was called, right? Oh, yes. You start hot wiring their cunt area filthy familiar with this mechanic no so oh so basically in game what happens a lot is a guy

plants the bomb he'll like lay on his belly and plant the bomb so you can't shoot him while he's doing it and then he'll run away and protect the bomb so while he's planting it and his field of view is blocked by almost everything but the bomb, you put your face in his ass. And he gets up and runs away and typically doesn't notice you're there. The interesting, let me just jump in. When you start planting the bomb, and this is Call of Duty 4, it makes a very particular noise. It's the noise of opening an old school briefcase. You're opening the snaps.

When you start diffusing the bomb, makes a very very similar noise so if you time it perfectly he goes click click click and and then at the last do you get your clickety clack and then they one sort of covers the other and he's also jumping up and sprinting, so that covers a little of the sound, too. It takes like five and a half seconds to defuse a bomb in Call of Duty 4. So he's barely into his hiding spot and turning around by the time... And he'll be like, I got this. I got this.

Bomb defused! Good luck next round, Marine! And he's just like, no! And then the whole lobby can speak to each other in the interim, and everybody's just like, fuck you! You got shit on! you got shit on you got shit on there's a mechanic specifically for shit talking in that game like you can cross you can cross faction talk at the end of the round yes yeah it's hilarious like there's some companies that like uh the uh what are they called the um oh my god i'm blanking on the dota the dota and the legal What is that called? A type of game.

MMO? No, it's not an MMO. These are the 5v5. Anyways, I'll think of it later. It doesn't matter. It's not relevant to the story. But those companies are specifically removing chat because chat is so...

Being able to talk to each other. Because it's so bad for the quality of the experience for everybody. I can't believe that COD has a specific mechanic for has this god has this and it's the most wonderful thing ever they've had it for about five years after you i said say i kill you after i kill you i can hear your mic for like three seconds so i kill you and i hear like that motherfucker was camping. Right? Like camping. Like, son of a bitch. And then it cuts. And it, oh, there is no finer, more authentic compliment than your rage. Oh, yeah.

And you hear like 12-year-olds being like, that guy's just a camping nit. Bruh. Bruh. It's like, I'm cut off. Yeah. That's the time how long it took to say that exact sentence all right we'll give them two letters of it so that you can laugh it's so wonderful to hear them get ragey yeah and i think honestly like all three like not so much taylor's though i guess the rest of it like the the feeling not not as a negative

to you taylor but the feeling of what kyle myself and uh what do you all get from this are really similar from my perspective like what he's got the social element kyle's like this is the value element for me like i just want to have out thought them i like a game where i start on the same level and then i do something better than them that really does it for me it's like there's two ways to accomplish around you what if that's never happened to me? Like in Civ, for example, like maybe you like fake building a wonder to like trick them to do something else. Maybe

you really bamboozle them. You waste a lot of their time or you make them think that they've wasted a lot of your time and you can throw them off in tons of different ways in Civ. They think you're going left and you're going right. But in some of these shooters, like, especially like the ones where you don't get your shit back if you lose. I've been watching a lot of Tarkov YouTube.

I watched one last night and these guys are playing. There's two of them and I think you can have five guys in a squad, but they're dealing with a solo. And the solo snipes his buddy and he doesn't know where the guy is. And so the buddy's body is lying out in an open field. You know, this is kind of a real-life scenario. You might have seen a World War II movie. So the body with all the delicious loot on it is in the middle.

Now, if his teammate wins and kills the sniper, then he can get a lot of that loot and bring it back to his friend, or there's an insurance mechanic in this game where if your body isn't looted while you're in and you purchased insurance pre-game then you you'll get your stuff back so he could take his buddy's loot and hide it in a bush that way no one else finds it like like one way or another if he wins this gunfight it's okay that his friend died and so they are both circling the body of the dead guy they don't know it because they don't see each other but they're both going counterclockwise around that body like like like like fucking orbiting a sun and and and he's like he's like i gotta just gotta i think we're

both orbiting together and it's been 20 minutes it's been 20 minutes and they're still going they're still going they're still going and after're still going. They're still going. And after half an hour, he finally catches the guy and kills him. And a moment like that, it's like, oh, my God. Any other player would have been like, 30 minutes of my time is not worth your shit. Or your shit isn't worth 30 minutes of my time. I'm just going to go rush this guy or start shooting in the air and make him come to me. But they play so tactically in this game. COD players would not want to play this game. The people who like run and gone this ain't that this ain't

that has changed my perspective because of the time i have available on games like i i there's a there's a game up on my youtube somewhere and i actually say this to my chat i'm like this piece of shit this guy was abusing some like it was totally an accident yeah sure i was in a civ game and uh some guy was doing something that was really shady probably against the rules of the league we were playing in definitely an abuse of uh basically a broken multiplayer mechanic style thing he was last seconding uh taking a base yeah basically every turn and and we could we could swap back and forth and do that every single turn and if we did it long enough it was both it was going to wreck both our games essentially and i'm like i can do this literally

all fucking day i put on a 10 hour stream with civ this guy's probably got a job he's probably got a life he has to go back to probably it's obligations i will sit here and do if he wants to abuse this fucking mechanic and we just oh that's what it was it reset the turn timer so every time you did this so like as you're doing this it just like drags the turn the game on longer and longer and longer to do this and i'm just sitting there like kids in a family all right that's right bitch so because it changes your perspective you're like you know you don't most people probably want to wait a half hour i'm like i don't know that and also there's sometimes a real joy and like uh again i'll bring an eve reference because it's just on my mind like

there was it was like a hunting thing like it was almost like a submarine there was a portion of the game it was like fucking playing tag in a submarine like kind of deal right you're sneaking up on something you're slowly narrowing it down even though you can't see it and i'd spend hours doing that because it was so rewarding to like narrow them down pinpoint them and then come out of nowhere to take something from them that for me was it's what you mentioned the time reward structure for magic the gathering that's the only game that i get it for we're like you bamboozle somebody into attacking when you know they think that you don't want to be attacked and you really do and you just unleash a chain event of like get fucked idiot like that's very satisfying but that's probably the only game that

i've ever done that in you mentioned the time i have like an in real life example so i want to out who it was but this person close to me bought a car f-150 and it wasn't me though don't get twisted audience and uh it was used and it wasn't what he hoped it would be they're like so the door locks didn't work like he thought they did did he thought he was buying a mint used car you know one that had no issues and it was actually a truck with a bunch of little issues so he bought a picket sign and he just started camping out in front of the user all the signs in front of the dealership it just said i bought my truck here and i'm not happy and that that's it. He built a sign for the tailgate of his truck that said the same

thing. I bought my truck at John Edwards Ford. I made that up. Does it say, I bought a lemon? Did it say, I bought a lemon from blah blah blah's dealership with a big picture of a lemon on it? No, it didn't. I thought we knew the same guy. Really? That's fun.

Yeah, he said, I bought my truck at this place, and I'm not happy. Those were the words. And they talked to him. They're like, you've got to stop this. And he's like, you've got to make it right. And they're like, we're not going to make it right. You bought it. That's the end of that.

And he goes, well, I'm retired, and I needed a hobby. This is it and uh that was those were the words that got him the service that he needed on his truck they're like fuck this guy's new hobby is picketing us he's got a tv out there he's barbecuing a couch okay yeah it must be a movie it must be a movie or a book quote but somewhere in my head there's something bouncing around about you know the most dangerous thing to anything being a just a fanatic because and that's essentially what you're describing right it's like someone who just dedicates everything towards this goal and if they're willing to sacrifice all the things that normally would be would rule someone out from doing this well shit that's suddenly a big problem you're describing why 4chan is so dangerous it's just like a suicide bomber you can't stop someone

who who doesn't value their own life it or it's very it's much more difficult to do so or their own time right you know like that would be totally unreasonable you know like this happens to streamers not not so much me but like happens i see this on other streams all the time right like someone's getting camp like i see this i'm like wow classic right like they're doing this pvp phase of wow classic and there's a streamer i'll watch who gets camped sometimes and gets camped for unreasonable amounts of time can you explain what it is to get camped in wow like yeah so it's it's just like in wild the death penalty is pretty light but the penalty is you still have to run back so you'll you know you might be like a couple minute run like a three minute run or something where they can't do anything because

they're dead they're they're a ghost running back to their corpse they don't lose anything and wow it's not a big deal right that's mechanic isn't that but it's still time right and there'll be five people camping this guy and that will be joyous for them and if you look at the time investment on some level there's five people who spend as much time standing around doing nothing as he spends running back all of them are equally negated there. It's not sensical, but there's other motivations. But it probably upsets that guy a lot. Actually, she's really chill about it.

But yes, it often upsets lots of people. And that's why people do it, because they think it's funny. In a shooter, they call it stream sniping. And the thing about shooters is, I would imagine in Civ, if you win, that's great. You proved your point.

In a shooter, you have to win by a lot to be interesting, usually. I got to lose in Civ and prove my point. Okay. Well, they want you to kill, like, five or ten times more than you die. I've watched you lose in Civ and prove your point. I want to circle back to that, actually. So the people who watch streams of this, they're usually not as good as the streamer,

but they're good enough to make the streamer not accomplish his goal. If he kills one and a half people for every death, then that's not why they're here. And they get upset when the kind of players who watch a stream jump in. It's a thing. It makes sense. How do you lose a game in civ and prove

your point oh there was a guy doing something really shitty um he was there was a guy doing something really shitty i don't remember what it was he was basically just like suiciding into filthy and um and philly was like all right well kyle's gonna win this game then yeah actually again we played that happened yeah because that i mean some of that's like you know i'm going into that we were playing i can't i think we played a couple over over time yeah we played a bunch yeah you often get a point where and this is this is literally why i started making guy videos as a streamer as a new streamer as i'm still in graduate school doing as a hobby and i started making guy videos on youtube specifically for this reason because i was

tired of people playing poorly and impacting my game badly that was the motivation for making guy videos i'm like i'm gonna make them a better player so they stop fucking impacting my game badly. That was the motivation for making guy videos. I'm like, I'm going to make them a better player. So they stopped fucking up my game. And because you can have that, right? Like basically you can make in that game, like it's a balance of aggression combined with still having enough resources to make your technologies advance

and your own stuff advance. And if you get too enmeshed in a war, that's too close on power level, you might stop the other player from winning because it's a free for all. And everyone else who's not involved in that war is going ahead while you guys are getting behind. But you'll grind yourself out too, because you don't have the resources to advance and fight that war. So a lot of time, a lot of that game is about timing. And you know,

so so you could prove the point by being like, look, okay, you've attacked me here. You're right, you've stopped me from winning here, because you've invested way too many resources in an attack that's not appropriate, you won't beat me. Or or if you do beat me you won't win the lobby you won't win the game because everyone else will come out ahead behind it and like a lot of a lot of games that happen especially as a streamer it happened a lot and that was just like okay well and for me i had to mentally go i'm redefining how i win this game now this player has prevented me from winning so my enjoyment of this game now is going to be the most stubborn piece of shit in the world in terms of dying if you're going to kill me it will take you 20 times longer than you expected and you will go from having a

place in this lobby to being the second to last in this lobby after me and most of the time they wouldn't even get to kill me the end of that it would be they get to go irrelevant and then i'm struggling to get back in from the bottom of this but like that was a joy for me at some point because you go fuck this guy this guy's trying to ruin my game or ruin my experience or or bring me down just because i'm a streamer i'm hearing a parallel though it sounds like you get some joy in the social aspect too yeah for sure like i i enjoy i enjoy being right i enjoy showing them you know like that explains my sadness uh anyways yeah video games this isn't about video games but my girlfriend texted me yesterday and i was still out and about doing stuff and she was like the dogs are 69ing and i was like

jesus christ they're they're they're they have the same they have the same father and so it's both gay and incestuous. And I sent back. I was like, babe, they're dogs. They'll lick anything wet. They probably just went down and one of them licked the other one's dick after they peed. And then they went about their separate ways. And she's like, yeah, no.

Fozzie was laying on his back and teddy was over him with all four legs and they were licking each other's dicks and i had to break it up and i was like you're right that is pretty great there's only one correct response it's two words and those words are send pics yeah well you know me i'm all about tolerance if my dog was 69ing i would tell her send pics yeah well i think they finished by then they'd licked all the dog piss opportunity missed um yeah well if if i find other uh incestuous situations my dog's getting into i'll i'll send i'd like to request as well don't send them on twitter because i follow you on twitter no i'll send them on twitter that's where they're Twitter. No, I'll send them on Twitter. That's where they're

going to go. I'm going to have Kyle give me your cell phone number if he has it and I'm going to text it to you. I just found out Taylor's last name yesterday. Well, don't talk about that. People are going to be hungry. I think I know it. Yeah.

I mean, you signed my first name. You fucking I think I know it. Yeah. What? I mean, you, you fucking asshole. Does it rhyme with? Yeah. Yeah. My dogs are gay. All right. That's okay.

That's okay. The fact that they're, the fact that they're gay makes me think I'm going to, I'm going to let them keep their balls. Maybe. Right. Like they're not going to impregnate another dog that they like little puppy butt you know that's well they are puppies so that's not dog pedophilia

when they become adult dogs they'll like dog butt yeah you're right yeah that's another one i'm just like it's so weird like animal sexuality that one kind of that hits my like squick like kind of like don't know what the fuck to do with your animal sexuality that dog's humping my wife's leg i just want to kick it like i don't know you're like i'll let it go i don't know oh i've never wanted to kick a dog for humping yeah you're easily made jealous it's kind of funny when dogs hump you know i love that woody saying that somebody else is easily made jealous the dog can't get a little in? Come on. Yeah, come on. Share with the dog a little. Here's the way you need to think about it, Filthy.

You run a steakhouse, right? No, I'm not threatened by the dog. If your wife is at Chick-fil-A, the Chick-fil-A is not competing with you. It's a whole different show over there. She likes your steakhouse, but she stops by Chick-fil-A now and then. So let the dog get its hump on. It's just weird it's like a it's a you know you're fully in control of that dog's life right sounds like

he's got a little flexibility yeah you know like you decide what it eats where it where it sleeps what it can do where it's allowed to move on some level you are like signing off on that you're like yeah i'm good with my dog getting his dick sucked by my other dog you know if it makes them happy it's a little weird but also like your problem filthy you could fuck that dog into submission and it would never try and hump how's that work taylor well i'm not a pet owner so this is this is something i haven't heard before keep going about this tell, I thought you were talking... What do you mean, how does it happen, Kyle? You lift the tail up, and then...

Yeah, you lift the tail, you hunt around, and then you submit that dog. That's how they do it in the wild. Have you ever watched a wolf documentary? I think I've seen a dog whisperer show once. He didn't use that technique. What you're going to do is lift the tail and fuck it as you can see i thought i thought it was just admitted to me

no that's not working anymore too many dogs saw the show you must fuck mom and baby katie here's a strap on yeah but anyway it's it's kind of weird like why would i guess they lick anything wet if i get out of the shower and my legs are wet they'll run over and lick that it sounded like there was a full red rocket 69 situation going on she didn't talk about any lip sticking and so i don't think there was also they're so young i don't think that no there was one time that teddy was laying on his back and my girlfriend was petting his belly and his little dick started to come out and she was like, ow,

gross. I'm like, he can't, he can't control it. He's five months old. He's going through adolescence, you know? This is the weirder part, right? Okay. Like with like raising a child, you know, you may, maybe you teach them, you know, like, okay, you can't masturbate in out in the public with everyone.

But if you go to your room, that's private time for you, you know, like you can maybe teach that to a child because a child can learn right what do you do with your dog like you can't you can't have a talk with your dog can't be like it's not red rocket time you know what you can do you just either tolerate it or you like i guess you can like i don't know i guess you get like classical conditioning out of it but like what are you doing personally what are your response the way i did it is i used my color printer to print out a high definition picture of a close-up of a dog's penis and one of a dog's vagina and then i would grab it and i would say no no no no and i'd push it right into the dog penis one

and then i would show it to the dog pussy one and give it lots of treats you can tweet that out that'd be okay you doing doing that, you should, like if your girlfriend could take a picture of you doing that with the dogs, I'd look at that tweet. I like to think of it as a social experiment.

Yeah. I think it would be. Which used to just mean dressing up like a terrorist and scaring people in public. Where they'd be like, oh no, actually, this is a social experiment.

I'm not being a complete cunt to the people around me. It's like, what are you learning? Who commissioned this experiment who's funding this social experiment it's like well harvard wanted me to dress up like osama bin laden and run around the mall yelling you know so can we choose our class in the hong kong revolution oh that sounds fun all right call woody oh this image is all stretched funny oh that's because i'm clicking the wrong part because i'm so it's actually put a link i yeah yeah what's your hong kong protest class can the audience see what's going on yes yeah that the audience is watching. I'm liking Laser Master

or Pyromancer. I really like Catapulted because I feel like not only are we making a difference, but we're also not that close to the fray. There is a nice risk-reward going on there. There's a lot of reward and not much risk.

How do you play the villain? I'd love to be the Chinese't see that you want to be the chinese cop give me one of those tear gas that comes out of a fire extinguisher so i can gas those rebels i enjoy playing the bad guys in games it's like it's a it's a free way to explore that without you know like you're not actually transgressing you're getting to play the evil in a game that's a fun way to explore that you'd like the new call of duty campaign it's very uh like gray area there's a part where there are some terrorists in like a four-story flat in london and there are civilians in there not only they're civilians there are women with babies in there and you're like stacked up like navy seal style everybody's like one behind the other night vision goggles and heavy duty rifles and submachine guns and you'll clear and breach these

rooms breach and clear these rooms and sometimes a woman will go and i'm just like got her tango down and they're like jesus kyle and i'm just like what's that in that crib over there that could be an explosive child. Frag out! And I think a message literally pops up that says, are you serious? I like to imagine being on the side, like Filthy said, of the Chinese police, where the archer, the pyromancer, they take out two dozen cops, and the chief of the Chinese police says, oh no police they're only like 50 million raft of us and then they send like waves upon waves in

that's the winning side hong kong's not gonna win this i think i want to be healer that's the most appealing one to me in this group so funny that's what you said earlier right i said you being the hero right like you uh not not like a negative way but like and like you're like okay i'm pulling the team together i'm getting this back person up from downed you know i'm keeping this guy up you know that's that's that lights my fire yeah like that yeah that i would looking at these bomber power mention what a healer's like that's the coolest one that's the that's the one that appeals to me i don't answer just sounds the coolest so i'm gonna do that it does have a great picture as well yeah i like fitting the role in a group

so like if uh you know in any sort of group versus group organ uh group like after we've done a couple matches versus someone be it like you know generally you fight the same guilds or the same types of stuff and you're like okay well we need x we need a tackler we need a long range dps we need something to suppress them we need a you know cc or something like that that's what gets me like i'm like okay well how does our group get better what can i do to make our group better with a certain thing that we could add to it so this isn't exactly what you said but i'm placing you at grandmaster so far i don't know what he does exactly i don't like that i don't like that he doesn't look strong over there oh jesus i didn't think of that

a little close to Grand Wizard for me. I thought... Or is it not close enough? I assume he's an organizer manager of some sort. Putting the other people where they need to be. That's in the top I'll say two reasons

to hate the KKK. They stole all of those cool names. Grand Cyclops. Grand Wizard. reasons to hate the kkk is they stole all of those cool names grand cyclops grand wizard brand of uh one of like a warlock they just went into fucking old fantasy books and were like this is tight and you know number one is you know obviously their behavior but number two i'll say close behind is is their stealing of names so yeah not a not a fan of that now nobody just like how the nazis stole like the the hindu symbol or whatever and they well they didn't they didn't get away with stealing uh who was the designer that did it for

them um tommy hill figure they had no definitely not that uh fucking not armani fucking who the i'm a retard who the fuck like gave those awesome like suits to the nazis and they're still around today oh that's um calvin klein nope that's calvin klein nope that's uh these are people you don't want spot in your pocket hollister well tell me it was one after the other yes i hope it's hollister isn't that the one i wear i will bet my life that it's not hollister it's fucking it's fucking hugo boss all the nazis are dressed like 12 year olds yeah hugo boss hugo boss got to dress the nazis and after it'd be like yeah but is it close they're pretty cool yeah you can you can stay like you'll still be around like 80 years from now and people will buy you at nordstrom everybody buy mercedes what do

you think those come on if you're designing army wear right now i i feel like it's a tricky thing to hit right because obviously the nazis have the coolest uniforms of all time so you're trying to get as close to that without being that as you can without people think you're being that well i mean all you have to do is not wear like swastikas and shit well if you had the same uniform and like you could juxtapose it be like dude all i did is switch the swastikas to circles with dots in it then like i'd be dressed like a nazi with a new logo yeah and that's's not fair. And that's what this podcast is all about, is taking back cool uniforms from history. I'm going to do my standard thing,

which part of your audience hates me for, and I think part of your audience likes me for, which is there's something Kyle said that was really interesting to me, which is, you know, like there's still something, I can't remember the brand you said. Mercedes. Mercedes, yeah.

You know, this came up again, that idea, and the idea is essentially you know how responsible do you hold history and the descendants of that history for the actions of things that they were not in control of right and like this has come up again with reparations like this is something that's being talked about for like slavery reparations and it's like i am i'm for and not to make this political all of a sudden, but I'm for the idea of, um, don't say that helping. I'm for the idea of helping a group that has been historically oppressed and therefore has systematic problems that have arisen from the disadvantages from that. But I really dislike the idea of reparations because reparations in some level are like what, and they're not even my descendants.

My descendants are immigrants on both sides. So in some level, it's like you are responsible for people not related to you or if they are related to you, it doesn't even matter. I mean, before you were born, outside of your control, often generations ahead of you, you're in some way responsible for that and need to respond to their actions.

Like that just like, that twists me so. Your descendants are immigrants on both sides you said uh my uh ancestors they wouldn't i guarantee it they're leaving the country enough of this shit we're going to canada hockey's not as bad as i thought kyle like i'm kind of curious what you guys think about that like idea like where do you yeah you should you should never be held responsible for the sins of your father that's like a bible thing where like in the old testament they'd be like yeah your your grandpa fucks up sorry sorry your dad and you also get the axe like that's just kind of like

totally unjust it's like an old testament god way of handling stuff. Yeah, I agree. Although, Nazism is a little different. I feel like... Because... It's generally considered to have been evil, whereas slavery was just a good idea. I mean, slavery... Very popular all over the world.

Hey. Lots of good people, lots of smart people are saying slavery. I didn't actually know this. I thought we were the only ones that had slavery. Slavery was actually all over the place. Did you know this? Have you heard about this? The Arabs, the Chinese, very popular with slavery. Starbucks? Starbucks? They do it too.

Did you know that the phone I used to tweet actually built by a slave in Bangladesh? We're going to lower the minimum wage to zero yeah i was trying to get my iphone x and this little guy jumped out of the building thank god steve jobs built nets right back up there finishing my phone steve you're thinking of tim apple i'm thinking of tim apple. That's so funny. Just referring to CEOs of companies like, and little Johnny Starbuck.

He's going to compete with me in the big stage. I don't think so. I don't think so. Not a lot of dub people are saying it. Not a lot of smart people. I'll just leave it at that. So yeah. Yeah, I agree with you, Filthy.

It's like anachronistic and old-timey to hold people to that standard. Anachronistic, I'm pretty sure that means spider something. Yes. It means that you don't want to be around spiders. I'm an anacrophobe. A lot of people are telling me my views are anachronistic, and I say, I can't agree with you more. I hate spiders.

And I, for one, hate when you use the first letter of words to make a new word. Despite my intention not to go down this route, I feel like I'm going down this route further with just thinking about it. So I was watching the Democratic debates a little bit last night. Parts of it kind of in and out. My wife was watching it. kind of in and out my wife was watching it and then do you guys feel like this round of this election has bigger ideas being presented in it than a lot of like historically a lot of previous elections yeah i think that they're hoping they can get away with a little bit more this time because they're going against the guys currently under impeachment uh proceedings uh so it's our

investigations so i think they're going a little wide with it um you think that is i don't think that's the motivation i think it's because politically they're able to? I think it's because politically they're able to I think you see that a lot when the incumbent is weak they can go farther to the left which is you know and or farther to the right depending on what the situation is

here's what I think I think they're pitching big ideas because it won in 2016 right you know like love or hate Bill Trump. Bill Trump. Donald Trump. 1-0-8, too. Tim Apple. Love or hate the guy.

The wall. The Muslim ban. He was going to lower health care. Like, the number of things he said he was going to do on day one was like, only a fool would believe it yeah pull us out of all the wars like like he said he was going to do everything that anybody ever wanted win trade wars it's so easy let me tell you right so he was going to rewrite all our trade agreements he was going to the things i mentioned and that won right and then i think the people with more

modest ambitions don't win i i saw elizabeth warren someone was like ah your health plan is is too ambitious and she's like i don't know why anyone would run for president on the platform of what they can't do and uh i just think that populations are looking for the big ideas and they're rewarded for it okay so you think you also think it's political in some way a part of me was just kind of like maybe it's pessimistic and maybe again like this is the headset i'm in right in the headspace i'm in right now but it's always thinking to me like about um you know like the climate change stuff we're actually seeing we're actually seeing proposals for people addressing climate change in a meaningful way and i don't remember and that's

a huge deal and that to me feels a little almost like a hail mary kind of thing to me right because it feels like we're like, we've suddenly looked up and seen the tidal wave about to crash down. Aren't you in Minnesota? No, I'm in Wisconsin. Wisconsin, thank you, I forgot. I'm not worried about getting plugged out. Aren't you pro-climate change?

You do know, in fact, that I live on the same planet as you, Woody, right? And the whole planet's going to be affected. You're going to be affected in a positive way. I can't wait to be living in beachfront i'm just invested moving up here that's what i thought exactly i'm selling toys what i bought it for it was fucking with the man for wanting to buy greenland i'm like good call bitch i think the ice will be gone that's that's so funny that's one of my favorite things he's done recently

is just being like well are you for sale it sale? It's like, no, idiot. They're not for sale. One of the other funny things I saw. That's the response he got exactly. All right, then. You won't take gold. Maybe I'll pay the iron price. How about that? Yeah, you pay the iron price.

I'm taking a lot of my diplomacy from the Dragon Queen. One aircraft carrier. That's all it takes. One aircraft carrier. Literally, that's all it would take to conquer Iceland. That's literally all it would take. I think we should conquer Greenland. I bet if we landed like 60 scary-looking guys, they'd be like, whoa!

You don't even need Marines, though. Who owns Greenland? You could go to the prison population for this sort of thing. You send Snow and 50 of his best, and you've taken Greenland. Yo! Who owns Greenland? I hear there's a lot of chumos around here.

Now you hired me to go to Greenland and take it over. You realize I'm just the actor. I don't actually, I'm not well versed in swordcraft. If I hear the word

Kit Harington come out of your mouth one more time, off with his head. I'm 5'4". I'm just an actor. You're not going to do this for your father, Sean Bean? It's unbelievable.

When I saw him pass away in that show, I thought, my God, this time it must be for real. You can only do it so many times. The funny thing I saw, I don't watch the fucking debates, but I'll go on Twitter and see the funny clips. One is Joe Biden was asked about like what are we gonna do about domestic violence and he's like that old senile idiot is like we're gonna just keep punching at it and keep punching at it and keep punching at domestic violence and strangling it and when domestic violence goes to hide at its sister's house we're gonna show up late at night we're gonna trip domestic violence down the stairs and blame

it on clumsiness when domestic violence has to go to the hospital because we've pummeled it so severely we're gonna make it light of those interns. It's fun. A thing that happens in politics is when you're known for this particular weakness, whenever you display it, you're double fucked, right? So if poop Buddha judge said that they were going to punch, what's his name?

No, no. You said you got that right. First name poop. Did I say that? All right. Anyway, if he said it,

I don't think it'd be a story the next day, but captain gaff over there says they're gonna punch domestic violence and now it's like it's a big story i i'm not a biden guy i don't think him seriously i i the only reason people are interested in him is because they think he's gonna win the second that's taken away then he's gonna tank pete budaj had some bad uh visibility this week too with like that rally he was having and people were doing the most uncomfortable inorganic dance i've ever seen in my entire life have you seen the clips of this no and like i follow tons of left-wing people on twitter like like the bern of left, and all of them just blasting Pete Buttigieg.

I mean, they hate him already because he's way more corporate-friendly and not nearly as far left. Yeah, he's not very progressive in that way. But man, I got to find a clip of the dancing because it is straight up uncomfortable this is his supporters dancing yeah oh i thought it was him leading it was it was like he may have been leading it i gotta find because now i'm searching on twitter and all it is of is memes

of people doing the dance oh here it is do a little scoop this is how you do the poop let's go now he's pooping oh I don't know how you can still vote for this guy I'm gonna have to watch this because it looks horrendous oh goodness this is 14 seconds oh god there's

ready set play okay oh no some copyright music there this is why you were referring yourself as a boomer taylor right yeah like whatever this is fucking aimed at is not me and i have no idea what it is and who this is for but it's clearly not meant for me i can't imagine who sees who are those people who are there willingly dancing what do you know they're actually they They're paid by George Soros. Is there a cause that you would dance for?

Getting out of the Middle East. I wouldn't go to that park, put on that orange shirt, and dance around like a fool like that if it solved all of climate change. Taylor was pulling out of Syria a mistake mistake no not at all we could we can't pull out of that whole region fast enough uh get the and here's the thing is we didn't pull out of syria trump did his standard horseshit nonsense he's like we're pulling out we're all coming out of there all thousand troops are coming out and then immediately he gets lobbied hard from

the left and the traditional you know neocon right and the neoliberal left. And he puts people back into Syria. And even more like contract people. It's like, come on. I was totally on T-Tailor with this when I first heard it, right? Like, I don't instinctively or reflexively, I should say, disagree with Trump on everything he says. He says, we're pulling out of Syria.

And I'm like, yeah, fuck fuck it get out. I'm not pro war. That's not my stance at all. Let's get out. Go Trump. And then they're like well all these Kurds die and asshole me is like well they're going to die at one point or another right? You know like you might as well

rip the bandaid off. Maybe we could have given them a little heads up they didn't have to get one day's notice and get slaughtered. But the strategy of systematically fucking our allies and cutting ties. It's just like we're not going to leave Syria and have it be the Netherlands, right? Well, they defeated ISIS for us. But hey, thanks for that. Now that you're done.

We kind of did that. No. So anyway, I was like like let's get out and then they're like well we have to protect the oil fields which a lot of people see is like dirty and terrible but back when isis controlled that area they used those oil fields to fund their efforts you don't want isis to have the oil fields and now it's like well yeah i don't want that and so now we have to go back and protect the oil fields and now it's like well yeah i don't want that and so now we have to go back and protect the oil fields and we hardly even made any forward progress and i'm like well maybe

it was wrong i just don't know how many times people can be like but this time it's gonna be different this time when we get embroiled in a huge middle eastern conflict it's all gonna work out it's like no it's not gonna work out why are we sticking our thumbs into all those pies over there fuck it stop it we've got no we spent what seven trillion dollars on these wars it's in the last 19 years what could we have done in the on the home front with that money i made the argument at one point like what would you want to do another afghanistan we're not gonna be okay pulling out of 18 years from now the people who fight in syria their children will be fighting in syria we need a replay of that but the fact that we haven't pulled out and we've got the people there defending the oil fields and isis was set free and we bombed our own military bases so no

one else got our equipment is the ultimate fucking if obama did it everyone knows that taylor is always in favor of pulling out so i i don't to hear this. Except when it comes to animals. He thinks that's the solution for everything. But in two years, he's going to have a child and Bush is going to be running all of the Middle East. If that's what you want, then use the pull-out method. Well done, Kyle.

We should use the leave-it-in method. Do you know how much a car seat costs? You will? Actually, I'm not even sure. We bought one for George Foreman. I was trying to figure that was related to the Kurds in some way. But no, I got it one second later.

Yeah, nothing to do with the Kurds. There'll be no video games for you. There'll be no Fractured Butthole or Sticks of Truth. There's only gonna... I was like, if he goes with Fractured Butthole, there'll be no baby. Maybe I'm not getting your point. We're gonna be trying to decide if this pacifier

is the right one or not, or if it's gonna make her teeth look bad, or maybe they don't... Don't do it, Taylor. Stop it. Stop it. Wrap it up. No! But that sucks. you can inject her in her have you ever given an injection to anyone i have anything what he has all right here's what you do get her good and drunk what he's going to show up at your house give her a little injection of birth control she's good for six months i think i gave her the opposite you'll never know now

she's gonna have some real sorry tay. My experience is in making her rapidly produce a ton of eggs. You might. How do you feel about that? You might think that all the hormonal issues that are going to happen are going to be an issue, but not for you because, because now you can blame all of that on her. She'll have no idea that what you've done to her. The shot is a birth control method

that does two things. One, prevents baby. Two, makes a period last like 36 hours. No, that's pretty good. Yeah. I haven't had a period in almost 90 days. Office is open for business like 28 days a month. That's right.

My monthly cock bleed. It's like, ugh. Not again. I's like, ugh. Not again. I'm feeling pissy. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, that dance really made me laugh. Deservedly so.

He's my boy. I don't like to see him picked on, but when it's deserved, it's deserved. He's not getting the nomination. It's going to be either It's going to probably be Biden. He has so much confidence, but he's literally leading Ohio and New Hampshire right now. If he wins those two states...

Polling results saying good things about him. If he wins both those states, then he's going into... He's like a frontrunner all of a sudden. I think his black and Hispanic approval rating is hovering around zero or one. Seven or something.

He's got a problem there and it's improving along with all his other poll numbers. You know why, right? It's easy to say someone won't win. I can say that about all 12 and I'll be right 11 times. I did see one of those polls and it was like they pulled a bunch of Republicans in it.

Okay. Of Buttigieg? Of Buttigieg. And it was like, they pulled a bunch of Republicans in it. Okay. Which is like, because he's so... Of Buttigieg? Of Buttigieg. One of the ones where he was the leader. Did Tulsi win when they pulled all the Republicans? No, no. I think Buttigieg did, because he's more towards the middle on stuff.

That is true. And the media likes to give him a lot of attention. They don't like to give Tulsi much attention. They don't like to give Bernie positive attention. They don't like to give Bernie positive attention. They'll literally attribute positive things for the progressive base that Bernie says to Elizabeth Warren. I did see that happen one time.

Do you think that that was a calculated media thing? Yeah. There's no way that the New York Times or the Washington Post is like, oh, let's attribute this quote to the totally wrong person and leave the article up for a day. Although I was listening to Rogan's podcast recently and he had some reporter on who was

talking about all how all the how the financial crunch has fucked a lot of the fact checking and a lot of the you know a lot of the stuff that makes the press the press so you could actually crunch like the press doing they don't have the money to fact check the i think the it was in the great it was in a longer conversation but i think the gist of it was essentially as the traditional press becomes less and less relevant and less of a as other things take that market that they have less resources and some of the first things that were cut were things like the very you know deep investigative reporting stuff and then some of the other stuff that came out of that was the depth and quality of fact checking

and the rest of it. I'm of the opinion that typically if these guys aren't getting coverage, I blame themselves. They should blame themselves. Like, you know, if you're, I'll say Elizabeth Warren, right? She can abso-fucking-lutely get on every show she wants to.

She's one of the front runners in the Democratic primary, which is one of the lead stories right now. If she's not on CNN, MSNBC, Fox or whatever, it's because she chose not to go on there. Lazy bitch. Trump went on every show every day for a year and a half when he was running every day. He'd either call in or video conference in or whatever. Tons and tons of free press. He was smart.

What are other people? I want to roll. They're standing on fucking tables in a diner to run their campaign. Suck a dick, you 1954 stuck-in jackass standing on a table in a diner trying to win voters seven at a time. You fucking idiot. Trump is on CNN right now. Trump is on Fox right now. Trump is on you name it, ABC.

I agree with you. Wise up. There's no possibility. There's no fucking way in this world that they want to have Anthony Scaramucci on there for the 93rd time when they could get Elizabeth Warren instead. She's just not doing it. Yeah, I'm on your page there of these people need to be putting themselves out there more, like especially the ones like Warren is much more popular with the mainstream media than Bernie. I don't know how much they're having Bernie on, but he could probably be on more. I don't think she has. She should be on

the JRE. She would get millions and millions of views. She'd have trouble. Do you watch that episode? The Bernie one? I watch the highlights. I tend to catch him in highlights. I watch Bernie. DMT for all! It was a lot better fucking format for talking about ideas.

Yeah. Yeah. I saw someone else on his show too. Yeah. Yeah. I like long form content. A lot. For our podcast.

You know that? It keeps these guys, like it keeps them a little more honest because I don't trust any politicians. Like, and if they're able to hop on Fox or CNN and they're like, all right, your, your segments coming up,

it's going to be six minutes. Here's a couple of prep questions that we're going to ask you. It's like, oh, all right, I'll just prepare for these. And if I don't like the answer that they're trying to drive me towards, I'll just spend a lot of time on the previous question,

burning up the clock. If they're about to go on Joe Rogan and he can go for seven hours if he feels like it, they do not have that luxury. He's unironically better at that than the mainstream media. Oh, he's excellent at it. Yeah, he's a professional communicator

in my mind. Absolutely. Some of these guys on network or cable news are not professional communicators to me. I look at them and think I could do better at that job. Sometimes.

Except sometimes I'm not convinced that is their job. Their job is not to get to the heart of it and get to have this person really say what they're thinking. Really express their ideas clearly. Their goal is to make a news clip or a quote or a segment or whatever the fuck else. A little soundbite. Maybe you're right.

Because they know that's what plays on social media. Let me do an advertisement. Pay the bills. You got any more wine? Ooh. Here you go. TP. I'll stay here.

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of raising an american child from 0 to 18 years old and we won't even worry about college okay now i'm starting to agree with you because children become expensive uh teenagers what are you gonna send this 15 year old to a slave labor camp well it's just that you were bringing up cribs and things like that so so i was a little fortunate i was a lot fortunate i don't mean to put it off but i think that we got a crib is like a um what is a birth present called a birth present a baby gift i don't know a baby shower gift probably yeah yeah so we had some help on that and a dresser like there was a dresser that had a it has like two the top is such that you can change the baby on it yeah i'm familiar okay so those things we got as presents

from somewhere in our family diaper fetish that's good and uh uh so that's a big help but then after that they're like oh diapers are so expensive and i'm like yeah you got the rx 301 diaper table because that's top of the line but diapers are like well they're probably more now but i think we spent 20 bucks a week if you don't have 20 a week then like parenthood in general is a real struggle for you uh baby clothes blew me away how cheap baby clothes are. Like those cute outfits you see them, you dress your little boy as a sailor or something gay. That's like $11.

Nothing wrong with that. Dude, your t-shirts are probably triple that, right? I wish I could dress as a fucking sailor. Remember when Taylor dressed as a sailor that time? Looking good. Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Home of fucking Oshkosh B'osh bagash you want me to get you something they have it in your size and you can wear it on show my sailor outfit was one of my

cutest holocaust it absolutely was let me tell everyone about smart math you really should google what it costs to raise a child from zero to 18 years old i i think a quarter million i think it's a quarter million and we're not counting fucking college. And we're not accounting for inflation or whether Bernie makes college free in the new year. But those first couple of years when they're wearing onesies and shit? Actually cheaper than you might think. Oh, look, he's got the colic. Hope you got eight grand. Carry on.

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I think it's a joke I don't get. I think it's just funny to mispronounce things. Okay, then. My bad. All right. Anyway, I bought a new graphics card today What'd you get? I got the 2080 I got the 2080 Ti

The Strix The Asus Strix 2080 Ti That bad boy will be here Sunday I said top of the line I think there's a more expensive card but it's kind of silly Expensive I didn't even delve into it Huh? I said top of the line. Top of the line. Yeah, more or less. I think there's a more expensive card, but it's kind of silly expensive. I didn't even delve into it.

I didn't want to get into like a $1,500 to $3,000 card or anything like that. But it came from playing Tarkov. You know, the reason that I haven't upgraded from my 1080 Ti is simple. I play in 1440 at 144 hertz with a 1080 Ti. And that means most of the time I'm maxing my frames out and To require a new card. I would either have to get a whole new monitor and go to either 240 something Hertz or maybe even 4k not really interested in either of those things Or I have to start playing a game that is very poorly optimized and that is what I actually did

have to start playing a game that is very poorly optimized and that is what i actually did tarkov is not very well optimized at all and so i'm i get like with my 1080 ti and i don't recall i've got one of the hero uh um oh that's the uh that's the motherboard i can't recall which uh cpu i've got but i've got a good one okay do you know like are any of your friends are on a 2080 ti does it solve the problem uh i don't think i know anyone who's your frames on a 2080 Ti? Does it solve the problem? I don't think I know anyone who's playing it on a 2080 Ti, but I've seen that it's possible to get more frames. I just know I'll get more frames. Is that strategically outplaying your opponents? You've probably done better in life and can afford top-tier gaming gear,

and they are unable to compete with that? I think it it maybe i guess because like like this game gets so stuttery even on a 1080 ti when you're scoping in in particular like like i i was playing today and i scoped in on a rifle that i'd never used before and i dropped to like 25 30 frames on a 3700 gaming pc it's like, what the fuck is this game? You can't play at that. I know if I were in 1080p, I'd be getting more frames,

but I don't want to be anywhere near 60 frames per second. I really like to be around 100 to 110 and better than 144 if I can manage it. What is it that you and I can see? I think that varies per person. That varies per person.

My eye sees about 5 FPS. I imagine if they took some non-gamers and ran that test, it'd be a very different result than if you got some active gamers. You'll just sense it. Finally calibrated eyes. Yeah, possibly.

It's a smoothness thing. It's smoothing the game out and it's getting those extra frames of seeing them come around a corner that I'm going after. And this is a game where a mistake and you're dead. Is it a quick time to die? If they hit you in the head it's often a one hit kill.

It's almost always a one hit kill if they hit you in the head. And good players hit you in the head it's fucking painful when you die to a hardware or a software issue or like a lag issue what a shitty way to lose the game disconnects happen maybe once a night

it's really funny when it happens like somebody will disconnect and they're like alright let's get him to cover boys and like three of us like his character is just standing there and we'll push him like there's not a push mechanic so we'll just sprint at him and push it and like push him back into a covered spot like into a bush or something like that it's uh it's pretty interesting will he reconnect into that character yeah yeah you can get right back into games you disconnect from can you shoot your teammates could you pretend to could you kill him and pretend it was someone else

i think he might get a notification about that but that would be beyond shitty in a game like this um that's my biggest um learning curve in this game is there is zero indication on who's friend and foe none we are just a bunch of guys wearing military gear and so you better remember that that larry had on a green helmet and he had a he had a fancy gun and i'm like well there's another guy with a green helmet and a fancy gun is that larry no that's an enemy kill him kill him kill him you you just don't know so we started putting on armbands like you first kyle so we all wear orange armbands like it's paintball now but you got to be like 30 feet away to even see the armband if

they're if they're like running through the shadows you're just like um who's who just ran next to a cash register who was that someone say something someone say something i'm about to kill him it's it's very stressful game i'm loving it though i can't wait till like when i get off the show i'm gonna fucking get myself some coffee uh i got some spaghetti simmering in there haven't eaten all day i'm looking forward to fucking eating. Fuck the sleep schedule. It's nighttime. Hold on. Are you cooking spaghetti for four hours? I'm no chef, but that

sounds soggy. No, the noodles get soggy. I cook the noodles for eight minutes, and then I finish them in the pasta, in the sauce, but the sauce... I like to cook the noodles for eight minutes and then let it sit for about four hours.

I'm like, if he cooks his noodles for four hours, I don't mean to tell Kyle how to cook. I know who's who. I like it to be almost like a dissolved paste. Do you know what I mean? Like a gelatin? I simmer my sauce.

He cooks by saturating that water. At some point, it won't absorb any more noodle paste and then it's perfect then you take the paste out you drain the water you form your own noodles out he's going to make like a pasta dragon just one lump

like a sand castle and if anybody who's listening would like to see definitely go check out Taylor's stream whenever he gets up and running but in the interim if you want to come see me play some Tarkov I'm just playing with like Mitty Smitty on Twitch

and Larry the Strong on Twitch those are my two buddies that I've been playing with a lot and you know you'll get to hear me joking around about the Russians in the game and dying a lot and pretending like I'm not upset. What's gotten all you guys back into streaming?

So what are you streaming now again? A little. Yeah, it has been years. I don't know what got me into streaming. I had a bug about it. Like, you know, I should stream. I think it would be fun. I think that I'd enjoy that.

And I had started gaming a little more. It is a lot of fun. I started gaming because I was playing with colin so i got good at a game again no one wants to watch wwz but uh world war z but i uh i don't know i thought i'd play and um i was like nervous about starting i watched hutch play one and he had this like casual sort of vibe like hey we're just hanging out while i play if If that's what you want, cool. If it's not, cool. And I'm like, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do that right there.

I've had a really good response. Woody's Game Attack on Twitch. Follow. There you go. I don't think I have you followed, Woody. I should, but I don't think you've ever streamed, but I've known you. You might like it, might not. Just to move on. Either, you might like it. Might not. Just fun.

Either way, it's cool. Yeah, Taylor, what made you stream? Money, money, money, money. Oh, just all of the dough. Subscribe to Taylor. What's your... Taylor Merka. Yeah.

Taylor Merka. It seems like it'll be fun. murka yeah it seems like it'll be fun and like i i always like when i did do youtube i loved responding to comments and like getting involved with people and like joking around with them and it seems like this is the kind of dynamic to do that and so and like i'm so bad at games but people already have the expectation of like he's gonna suck cock at whatever he plays which is why i'm leading off with the south park game It'll just be jokes and goofing off. And, you know,

and really like after I mentioned it, I got such a huge groundswell of people from the Reddit and on my Twitter. I'm being like, do it, do it. Boomer idiot. Get it started. We start.

They call you Boomer. I thought that was just me. Aren't you like, no, or something? 28, but Boomer ish in my mentality you know so yeah i don't know i get it i get a kick out of it so how tall are you tiller six foot you're six okay it must be

the camera you look shorter and i thought if you're going for pure mediocrity you could also like get like a background of like the height thing behind you and like stick that up go way shorter yeah no this is my streaming angle now just my fat fucking head that's all yeah it does make you look a lot fatter oh yeah do the chest cam right put it put that bitch down here spread it do what you got to do yeah you want to go slightly lower you get your um your arms in there if you go at that height you still you get we get this very black t-shirt no all i want is the black t-shirt in there just vanta black like a puppet squeeze my tits together and try and make my torso as narrow as possible yeah yeah there's some

impressive stuff on twitch these days you Have you seen the nude body painting? Did I talk about this last time? Yes! I was there just the other day. I was in my living room. I just had installed Twitch onto my television. I wanted to watch some streamers play this game. It was 3 in the

morning and I logged in and I saw that Just Chatting was leading the boards. I was like, huh, somebody must be talking up a storm let me uh let me see what's going on here I get on there and this chick would like I think it's important to describe exactly how big her titties were um big handfuls like like perfect can't like like if you took a cantaloupe and cut them in half and then they didn't sag even a little bit and you stuck them on a pretty pretty perfect titties and she's got a picture of who she's painting herself to be and over there and i'm like who fucking cares i've never even seen that before it's like nightwing's girlfriend in some cartoon

or something and she's fucking painting herself up and i'm like holy shit well this was like the eighth most watched chick. Who's number two over here? Clickety-click, clickety-click. Oh, my Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman has some double, double, quadruple Ds or something. Because she has gargantuan titties. And they don't sag at all, too.

They're perfect somehow. And she's painting those bitches red. And I'm just like, oh, my fucking God. And this is allowed? My question is this. Why not go to Chatterbait? There are girls there that are super hot who will fuck themselves with lightsabers and cosplay.

I haven't answered your question. The things that you wish Twitch girls would do, they do. These girls. So the pay system first of all over there is isn't as good as twitch second of all um these girls aren't hot enough to go over there um and uh and and so they put themselves in this sort of niche market i mean these are pretty girls aren't hot enough for chatterby i didn't understand i don't think so like you go over you over to like a real like hot girl streaming site and you're like oh my fucking god like sasha gray was actually on

twitch the other day there's a reason she's on twitch and not like fucking herself somewhere because she's going by the way she has not gone rotten really i she she looks so much better than she ever has in anything i've ever seen her in sitting in front of a camera like i've seen it too like like like find follow fucking stuff forget taylor forget woody forget middy smitty and larry the strong fuck filthy robot sasha gray deserves your follow she is amazing on twitch i don't know what her lighting situation is i don't know how is. I don't know how old she is. I would guess 27. She looked excellent.

She's 27 a while ago. Exactly. That's what I'm getting at. She's probably 35. 31. That's actually younger than I thought. Oh, okay. Cool. She looks much younger than that. She looked so good. And she's talking about sex, of course on twitch

right who the fuck is reading her books who cares you you can you imagine that more of an expert on sex than that woman i mean more of an expert on getting fucked on camera than like intimate sex right sure i'm not gonna ask her for relationship advice but if I want to hear about sex, I'd probably talk to her. I guess so. One of the questions was like, how do I get my girlfriend to do anal?

And I didn't watch very long. I was playing with some guys and they were streaming and we were in the middle of a Call of Duty game, but someone was like, hey, Sasha Gray's streaming. And like, I typed in Sasha Gray Twitch, found it, looked at her for literally 10 seconds, and then saw how amazing she looked. She really did. It was incredible. Then you went to go find

some of her older content. Then I went to a different website where I am a premium member. I just played some more COD. She looks great, and she's on Twitch. It's weird. She's gaming. Yeah. I just played some more COD. She looks great, and she's on Twitch. It's weird. Oh, she's gaming. Yeah, yeah.

I just assumed to be just chatting, and it looked like it was for an hour. But yeah, she switched over to a game where a goose walks around. We're watching it now. Yeah. Taylor, play that game. Apparently it's popular.

The goose game? Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, there's barely any videos of me getting fucked on porn sites there's a few of me just ruthlessly ruthlessly pounded yeah do you guys see this clip of eric swalwell farting on camera yes he said that he's like i didn't hear it and I neither smelt it nor did I dealt it. It was his defense. It's like, bitch, we know

you did it. We know you farted on camera. It wasn't like one of those farts that could have been something. It wasn't like a that could have been somebody opening a hermetically sealed door or something behind him. It was like a I don't think I can show this. It'll get copyright claimed

in a nanosecond. It's like major TV. Yeah. But yeah, he just, he's being interviewed. And without it, he doesn't even stop talking. He just rips one for like six seconds. Would you have liked it if he was like, well, look, the Republicans are running and hiding. And we can smell the fear. I mean, the thing we used to remember. The Republicans are running and hiding.

We can smell the fear. I don't know what to make of it. He definitely ripped ass, and it's funny. Why are you so sure he ripped ass? It's not a thing that anyone ever does like that. You're wrong. Go to YouTube search farting on camera montage. There's a whole... I love these.

I love these. love these it's got it's situations exactly like this oftentimes newscasters um you know like local news like weather girl stuff like that they just let one rip it's great i so i've i've seen them where like a little half fart slips out right because they messed up they didn't they didn't have the proper sphincter control but this guy yeah we got a cold front coming in yeah it's full it's full on man i wish you did the twitter edit of it where someone was like there's no arguing with infrared and it was an infrared version of that clip and as soon as it goes it shows a huge and it's like oh that's he should have he should have embraced it and been like yeah i may be an elected uh representative but i have a gi tract like anyone else and sometimes nature calls and

if that makes you not want to vote for i'm being impeached for my position already i i actually didn't do that i didn't know i thought it was funny like it i thought his response was funny that he neither smelt it nor dealt it i don't know what to make up it's just too over the top like it it's it's a loud fart yeah you'd think like i'm like did that come from the control room or something because like he is an elected official there in his suit knowing that he's on tv in front of a microphone talking while being interviewed and then he just it was a forced ripped one but we have like a we have this we have the saying right like never trust a fart

because you're never quite sure what's going to come out he might have just thought you know it's a little gassy he's got to let something out i think this is going to be quiet right he doesn't even do like a left cheek lift or anything. Of course they're going to fuck up. They're politicians. Of course they're going to overestimate their competence. He thinks he's got the sphincter control of a podcaster. He does not.

I was impressed by the fact that the resonating frequency of his fart seemed to be like he was sitting down. Like it had some sort of hard surface to pit a pattern off of. It was like in that Star Trek movie where the alien came and spoke whale. It sounded like he was calling a beluga whale for aid. That's why I'm suspecting the control room or something. Also, he's

healthy. If he was like Elizabeth Warren or something, where you know into their 70s, they're just not what they used to be down there. I didn't want to say Trump so I picked the next old person I thought of because I didn't want to pick on Trump. Biden.

Sure, sure. Yeah, Biden. Is he the oldest? I want to say Bloomberg. Warren's like 10 years younger than like Bernie and Biden. I think Warren's only like 70. And she's female and we don't females live like seven years longer on average than men or something isn't it absurdly possible maybe not that much typically live with females i mean but if you heard i mean they're all

fucking old and so if you heard you wouldn't hear warren biden or bernie fart because it would just be like a the colostomy bag would inflate women generally live longer males on average by six to eight years so we're the privileged essentially 18 years younger john mccain how old was he when he ran because his age was a big deal people thought he wasn't going to survive his term he's dead now but he would have he would have been Obama Yeah he would have had Obama's He would have survived all eight I don't know

At the end of McCain's term not only was he alive And we all worried for nothing His mom was still alive I know his daughter's got some big tits But she's fat right That's cheating It is a little bit of cheating Is she on Twitch as well

Dude if Meghan McCain was on Twitch... Well, I wouldn't subscribe. I don't care what she says. I like the My Father compilations of her where it's like, My Father, My Father, My Father on all these different shows

all the time she brings up her dad. Nobody's under the illusion that you're here because you're just so good at political commentary i think it's her good looks that's probably it yeah i want to circle back something that we we opened on but didn't close on which is the the um the body painters and stream on twitch rather because like coming back to that you know like everyone was like oh yeah and we know why because someone i can't remember what he means kyle asked to ask the question of why bother why go watch a hot girl like semi-naked on twitch when you can go watch hot girls totally naked fucking on a number of other sites it's funny how the forbidden is hot isn't it yeah right like i some of that seems there seems like so i asked the question but i still i felt like i know

the answer like there's something hotter about like i don't know if some girl's porn star you're literally fucking herself with you know three pointed dildos one for her friend one for her pussy and one for her ass then it's like you know like whatever but, you know, like, whatever. But then you see, like, a regular person put his girlfriend on 4chan wearing panties and no top, and you're like, ooh, the forbidden fruit. You know, like, it... Ooh, she probably wouldn't like it if she knew I was looking at this. That gets me going. I like the...

I'm turned on by invading people's privacy. That's why sometimes I'll just go to the NSA.org and beat off. It's weird, Taylor. Maybe I am a little fucked because on 4chan, there was a, I don't know if they still do it, but there was a trend where like if they got somebody's nudes, they'd put together a collage and juxtapose it against their like Facebook profile and regular dressed photos and this and that. against their Facebook profile and regular dressed photos and this and that.

So you'd see a girl in like, a woman I should say, in her work environment. Well, it's 4chan. In her work environment, maybe with her family. We'll go with female. And here she is in 4th.

Maybe, you know, in just like casual environments, fully dressed or whatever. And then you'd see her sucking a dick and would come on her tits in like some other shots. Nice.'s right this is like a real thing and that there would be a lot of these and something about the fact that like you knew she was a complete person with the full life who like went to work and whatever was like there was a certain appeal to it that you don't get

with this chatterbait chick whose job is to stick a dildo in her puss yeah i like the deliberation over the use of puss dude i went through a couple iterations i was like vagina no cut too far how about clam stuck it right in the clam why'd you go with taco woody it was perfect yeah sexy accent ever all that that swalwell clip makes me think is i want more politicians farting 4chan needs to start a meme where it's like a huge groundswell for swalwell as people realize he's just like them will more politicians start to use this tag

it's like i'm sorry sometimes i get a nosebleed on camera i'm not backing off of it i'll bleed on myself on the blood of the people like that just like doing normal stuff you know normal stuff like having your nose bleed on it's only a matter of time till that happens to biden he already had an eye blood vessel burst dude we're not talking about this you need to punch away domestic violence man i hope i hope he gets the nomination wait just for the law i want to talk about trump for a second trump was rushed on like some sort of emergency to walter reed hospital he was carrying a notebook that had wires that ran under his shirt and he's lying about it his claim is that he went in for his annual nine or at nine months because they're gonna do they're gonna do a two-phase annual on him and then he was missing for several days like off camera

and uh i'm just like our president was rushed to the hospital for some reason and they're lying about it and i think that's fascinating that's not a normal thing yeah i'm lying about we don't know but like i mean his i mean try and work it out rationally woody he exercises he eats right he uh he's clearly coherent i mean he's sharp yeah uh golfing probably overuse on a hip flexor or something i dare you to name me off the top of your head 50 better cardio workouts than golfing you can't do it masturbating masturbating literally yeah probably 100 yeah the funniest thing from him like as far as the health thing is concerned was when it what was it a couple years ago that report came out he's like yeah

i weigh 235 and it was like bitch in what world in what world are you weighing 235 scarborough gave my heart he's like i weigh 240. Donald Trump does not weigh 240 like me. And Joe Scarborough, like, he could lose a little weight, but he's way thinner than Trump. And I think he's even taller. Is he tall? Ish. I mean, 6'3"? Like, that's tall.

That's tall. That's taller than most people. Oh, Joe Scarborough is 6'4". So, yeah, he's definitely, like, two inches taller than Trump. He's definitely taller. Two inches taller. Okay. But Trump is not the. Oh, Joe Scarborough is 6'4". So yeah, he's definitely like two inches taller than Trump. He's definitely taller. Two inches taller. Okay. But Trump is not the same weight as Joe Scarborough.

Trump is a massive man. Trump, he's got 80 pounds of ass. Yeah, he does. He is thick with four C's, our president. Like the thickest president since like Garfield. I don't know my presidents that well. How funny would it be if like something came out and they were like, Donald Trump trapped in the presidential tub for the first time.

Oh no. Since, who was it? Lincoln. No. Just go with it. No, it actually happened. Oh really? Oh yeah, you didn't know about this?

I don't think so. Which president got stuck in the tub? Maybe. I don't recall. It was this big fatty of a president we had. He got stuck in the tub? You can and maybe. I don't recall. It was this big fatty of a president we had. He got stuck in the goddamn tub. Who was the one in a wheelchair?

It was Taft. William Howard Taft. The one in the wheelchair was the one that won World War II for us. That was FDR. Franklin Downs. I mean, he often got stuck in the bathtub because he was crippled. That was just polio, though. Yeah. He was fit. And his lack of cardio. Yeah was just polio, though. He was fit.

And his lack of cardio. No cardio. Unrelated but combined. Isn't that funny that Taft was president? I think people liked him when he was president. And now the only thing people know about that guy is

he got stuck in the bathtub twice. Touche. I knew less than that. Yeah. I mean, get stuck in the bath once. You know. I'm not gonna get stuck in the bathtub again.

I hope that bathtub is still there. That's how he ran the second time. I got stuck in the bathtub once. I take showers. Yes. I take showers. I take showers. I take showers. After Taff, they put in a bigger shower out of kindness. All right.

Yeah. But yeah, they put him to Walter Reed and now he's saying that he's doing a two-phase physical. Which is not a thing that they actually do. Why? They're saying he got his physical at nine months. He got his annual physical at nine months.

The whole thing is just a cover-up. But it's shaped like a mushroom. I wonder what it was. Bernie Sanders had a heart attack. Can't reach around. He did. He did have a heart attack. He's not Stretch Armstrong.

I feel like Bernie would be fun to get lunch with in public because you could look around at all the other patrons in the diner and see that they were not okay with his volume of speaking. What would you have to get paid for that job, though? To eat dinner with Bernie Sanders? I'd want goggles and a respirator. And those gloves that come up to your elbow for when you're inseminating a cow.

To eat with Bernie Sanders? No, Phil and I are having a separate conversation about how Wings bathes himself. We managed to have it completely independent of yours. Bernie Sanders is like, okay, he might get a little spittle on you, but Kyle's overreacting. No, we had a whole conversation

about why Wings takes baths and not showers. My freshman year of college, I went to UIUC and there was some sort of animal, I don't know, husbandry, veterinarian college or something. And that was literally one of the classes they did. The first year students would come back and they'd talk about their day of having stuck their hand up a cow's ass. I was like, I chose right not to be in that. Up the butt? It was an ass. It must have been an ass. Now I want you to reach right not to be in that. Up the butt? It was an ass. It must have been an ass. Now I want you to reach all

the way up to your elbow in the butt. He was in a cow's rear-facing orifice. Right? There's two, though. I think you go from both, depending on what you're after. I mean, you have a 50% chance of being in the right orifice. Depends on your kink, I guess.

You gotta put both genders in they go in with the arm i think to check out the calf sometimes and also to inseminate to artificially inseminate but sometimes i think they go on i think in those uh like those research places like especially uh schools they do a lot of digging around in the butt to get at some of that some of that undigested food and see what's going on in there you know or maybe there's a clog you know they need to like maybe maybe maybe the cow eat like a whole check maybe it's a young mormon calf trying to protect its virginity so it wants a arm up the butt catholics i thought i didn't hear that from any brand of religion you're

gonna get the anal thing yeah because that seems to be like a pretty universal religious thing you know like hey don't fuck only the vagina is holy the ass what do you want with no and and i like to think that god when he was making those rules the first time he saw someone pull their dick out and put it in the ass he's like fuck really fuck Fuck. Really? Fuck. That was his plan all along. Come on now. God doesn't make mistakes, Taylor. Is he? God does not make mistakes.

That's blessed for me to suggest that God didn't want us to fuck in the ass. I don't know if I'm going to come on this show anymore. I can't either. I'm converting to whatever the coolest... What's the coolest religion that everybody's kind of chill with? Buddhism? I was going with Buddhist, yeah, I was waiting for you to finish your thought

Yeah, it seems like everybody's chill with that Yeah, they love those guys over in China Yeah, they seem to cause a bit of a ruckus Are you aware they kidnapped The child who was in line to be the next Dalai Lama many years ago and he was never seen again? Kyle, of course I didn't know that I think I did know that one yeah i've heard that

yeah they never saw him again is china really that bad yes yes what they are okay so what uh what frame are we looking at him from here they're as bad as the nazis woody yes okay okay i'm glad you said that people have heard this before so i'll run through it. Worst uniforms. Saddam Hussein was our friend until they stopped fighting Iran, started fighting Kuwait, and now suddenly he's a madman. I can't name them all, but I feel like we've gone from a couple people who were absolute joys to be with to madmen when they stopped being. Sure. And some have gone the other way, right? When they stopped me. Sure.

And some have gone the other way. Right? We've had, Gorbachev was an absolute madman until he became a little more reasonable and ally-ish. So China. He's either got a shit or he wants to say something. I can't tell him. I only believe what they tell me. Okay, go ahead.

It's like, what's the worst thing Trump's done, right? He grabbed a pussy and he joked about it. That was a act of love. Maybe he cheated on his wife. Maybe he cheated some contractors out of some money. More acts of love. Teaching a lesson. He lies about pulling us out of wars. Nope.

That's political Trump. I think I named the worst things he's ever done. He grabbed some pussies and he cheated some contractors. Nope, he's bad at being president. That's the worst fucking thing he's done. Okay, fair. We'll hang that one on him. Okay.

Saddam Hussein ran a regime that tortured people, that would take, they would put you in a room, and they would bring your family in, and they would rape your wife in front of you, and then they would take your infant and throw the infant against the wall so that its head exploded. And we know this because the same people who said they had weapons of mass destruction told us.

Uday... No. I know Uday and mass destruction told us. Uday and Kusei were horrible. Uday and Kusei were absolute monsters. They would literally do very similar things. They would just find a woman and rape her and then throw her off a rooftop. These were evil, evil, evil people. They were murderous, raping, torturing people. And in China, what they're doing they're harvesting organs from people

They're stealing Harvesting isn't the right fucking word You harvest corn You can harvest organs but it doesn't apply You can harvest an organ but that doesn't apply here You can make love to someone

but that doesn't apply to when a rape happens. It's the same difference. This is forcible organ removal. They are stealing organs from people. I really enjoy their food. That's Americanized, though. We put our own

flavor on that. You go to China and look at Chinese food. I watched enough Anthony Bourdain to learn they're eating fucking scorpions and shitting in the streets over there. He hated it so much he killed himself. That's why he killed himself. It was the Chinese food from China. I'm not finding the things you're talking about online. I googled worst

thing Saddam Hussein did and those aren't on the list. I just don't know what's true. Yeah. This is what happened. what happened such a good presentation on what was it holocaust denial yeah now they can't trust a word you say they never know you were too good we need to do the fucking conspiracy theory bit again soon because that was a lot of no what you need to do is choose between you if it's one some of you present real

things some of you present uh fake. Some of you present fake things and don't tell the others until you presented it and have people guess. I think I like that idea. Yeah, I like that. I don't know. I just like looking up conspiracies. I like to look up weird shit that actually happens.

Yeah. One of the things I hear about him a lot was he put down the Kurds, right? Apparently Kurds were US allies that kind of tried to fight back and do a civil war thing. And he just beat them. But it's like,

or fucking Kurds. That's what you do when someone tries to overthrow your government. You know, they tried to rebel. There was a civil war. And suddenly he's a bad guy for taking out what are like armed combatants. Yeah. Well, I mean, it it's pretty much the same thing yeah i mean you hear it all the time they were both renowned wrestlers but if you look at it through that lens like ah he was putting

down an armed rebellion just like lincoln did lincoln's a hero unless you're from georgia maybe i don't know but well no they like wrestling down there so they like him okay yeah corrected so i don't know i guess i always view the news with a little bit of suspicion is china really just kill people they forced me to take off my clothes they kept my legs up they handcuffed me and started beating me with cables. It wasn't just one guard. It was five. This was happening to an Iraqi woman. The one Saddam Hussein referred to as his most glorious. So far you're describing some of my favorite chatterbait streams.

She was 16 at the time. She was 16 at the time. And one of the scores of villagers. He just painted you into that. They were rounded up after a failed assassination attempt. They put me in a small room, all red with no lights. The walls were painted red. During the night, someone opened the door and threw bread at us,

but we couldn't eat because we'd been tortured so severely. She recalled how a deaf and mute male relative was held by his penis and mocked in front of women and children. Other times, men would be lined up and threatened with beating unless they started running. Pregnant women were handcuffed even as they gave birth, and guards stopped other women from helping one woman to give birth. This goes on in much more graphic detail. Here's the thing.

Is the website reputable? That's... The Guardian. That's terrible. I don't know that. This was court deposition. Do you remember the... This was Saddam Hussein's trial.

Do you remember the U.S.-I trial do you remember the u.s iraq war thing where we just pulled like we tortured a fuck ton of them and it wasn't meant to get out and then it did and it was like this one-time thing is stopping now and it's like and like i the the news will if you were to watch russia today and a kgGB agent was their guest and they're like so Mr. Mr. Vladimir we are not torturing people in camps are we it's like absolutely not this is very funny thing to talk about because it does not happen you know and would you ever look at that and be like oh credible the KGB guy said it no of course not but we'll like turn on cnn or fox and they'll be like hey we got james clapper head of the ci former head of the cia here

saying everything's hunky-dory everything's great the cia that that hasn't toppled dozens of regimes intentionally and done beyond fucked up shit to people and so it's like it really is all about like i think that we have no idea what to do with your head tiller the camera has people and so it's like it really is all about like i think that we have the camera has no idea well it's your head it's like pulsing in and out it has no fucking clue well i'm just gonna talk to this from now on that actually is counteracting and so yeah so basically it's like it's so easy to point the finger and be like oh these other people are evil and they probably are like most people most governments are evil but we do a bunch of fucked up shit too

that like we have a disparate torture was official u.s policy during the bush administration how many people uh died like what was it what was like even obama's uh fucking drone strike rate 90 civilian like and it's brushed over and shit and all and it's not like he's the one you act like you didn't get any bad guys taylor and i want to hit some things on that right like i want to hit something uh the idea of um the the relative ratios of these matter right for sure you don't compromise all morality by doing something that's amoral, right? When there's the comparison of what else is being done. So I'm not justifying it. And I don't have to defend that. I have no interest in defending that. But you can say, you can still look at two shitty things and

say that one's worse. Yeah, absolutely. That would be like Hitler being like, well, have you seen what Stalin's up to over there? He starves his people. Hey, my people, well-fed. Not so much the ones I keep in the camps, but he's got camps too. We're good people. What they do doesn't have anything to do with what we do. It really doesn't. I agree with you. What we've done is, a lot of the things that the United States and many other countries

have done are horrible, but the whole point was, is China bad? That's how we got started, and China is very bad. I mean, we're bad too. So is China. China's much worse, though, comparatively. Human rights violations, the way they...

You think the intolerance of homosexuals, the way that they're rounded up, the social credit score that they have over there, their freedom of religion. They don't just go after the Buddhists and kidnap Dalai Lama children. They also tamp down on Christianity

and round those people up as well. They're going to build a dam and they move an entire village out of the way. No, I'm on your same side. They're evil people. And what Filthy said, you can obviously look at things and differentiate. That one's not evil.

I like that. Get the fuck out of here. It's dam time. Dude, everyone hates dams, but the lakes are lovely. At the bottom of that lake you go and have your fun in, there's a whole town down there. Do you know that?

It would be evil if they left it there. I'm not making this up for anything or being silly. There's a whole town down there. They flooded a whole area. There's all kinds of structures down below. No, well, they told the people before they flooded it. But they didn't clear the structures before. They also found piranha in that lake.

Oh, piranhas are cool. I had a piranha when I was little. We got a piranha. I swear there used to be three more inches on my dick, but I swam at Lake Hartwell. No, it's like, then why is the head still on it? Don't ask me.

It used to be a massive, thick fucking... They bit the middle. They bit it in the middle and they grabbed the head. You smart ass. Who looks like a retard now? Yeah, no, we had a... When I was little, maybe like five years old, we had a fish when i was little maybe like five years old we had a fish tank and there was a piranha in there and that was all we had in there worst fish yeah it was

it was cool looking though we were little idiots though and so we named him fish name gill not gill fish name gill and my dad took him out in the garage once with the tank while he was reorganizing some stuff and forgot him overnight, and it was December, and he froze to death, and that was the last we saw of fish. Ah! And you know what? Looking back, I didn't fully understand what a piranha was, so I should have been happier it was dead.

So I was a fish person. I was really into it for quite some time. Piranhas are brown fish that stand very still, which is like everything I don't like in a fish person. I was really into it for quite some time. Piranhas are brown fish that stand very still, which is like everything I don't like in a fish. We had a fish tank. The fish tank directly after that, we got two more fish, me and my younger brother. I think I named mine Army Man because it was green and it looked like an army man. my brother named his fish

dog and we caught a bluegill in a lake we got a how many more about your family it's just a meme that you're retarded right it's just a meme this is all a meme i'm not actually that retarded but yeah then we went and to my grandparents pond and I caught a bluegill and it was too small to eat. Yeah. And so I was like, oh man. And my dad was like, we'll take him home and we'll put him in there with the army man and dog.

And so, and these like army man and dog were like little, like not goldfish, but tiny little fish. And so we get it back. We drop the bluegill in there and everything seems to be going fine for the two minutes we stuck around and watched then we go to bed the next morning we wake up to see how army man dog and the bluegill are getting along and he has entirely consumed army man there are scales floating around and dog was floating around barely swimming with one of his eyes hanging. I knew that was coming. By a thread.

Yeah. And I was like, man, this, I wanted, even at that age, it was like, dad, you didn't, you didn't see it coming? Like put a real wild fish in there with these two retards and see what's going on? You can't do that. I knew that was. That stopped our fish endeavors. I've seen like, you know, two fish that are meant to be put together. But one six inches, one seven inches.

And you're like, all right, well, they can't eat each other, right? It's not about fish. And then all of a sudden, like the six inch fish is gone. It's like, how the fuck did he get in the seven-inch fish? And where's the seven-inch fish? Now ten-inch fish. Right? He's just all inflated and everything.

I didn't think that would happen, but there it is. It's all inflated and a little swollen. Yeah. Looking shitty. Like a snake. It can eat anything sometimes. Did any of you watch South Park after we talked about it on PKN? I had already seen the Strong Woman one.

That was a funny episode. I like that a lot. The Mandalorian, there's only two so far, right? I'm guessing maybe a new one probably tomorrow or the next day. The last one came out on Friday, but they did two last week. I looked at the release day. The last one came out on Friday, but they did two last week. I looked at the release schedule. It is a Star Wars TV show. The main character is a

Mandalorian bounty hunter, similar to Boba Fett from the early movies. He's the same race of person, wears a very similar getup. He's kind of a super badass. I like it a lot. It's doing really well. I think it's pretty popular. It's on Disney+. Yeah. But, hey, might be well. I think it's pretty popular. It's on Disney+. Yeah.

Yeah, but hey, might be some other ways for you to acquire it. Hypothetically. I don't think Woody has Disney+, but he's got some strong opinions about the Mandalorian, and I don't think those two facts match. I don't know what you're inferring. We got Disney+, but I'm just watching you got disney plus already yeah i'm

starting from episode one season one of the simpsons and i'm watching through the simpsons again and i haven't watched early simpsons episodes in since i was like 13 so like 15 plus years ago and it's funny, I forgot how much I really enjoyed the Simpsons when I was younger. Just Google the writers. Look at who was writing that shit. Like back then. Brian was at that point, I think.

Right? Yeah, he was one of the writers. But it's a ton of famous writers. Like, you'll recognize half of the writers. And you can't say that for very many shows. Like, who knows writers? They're all like celebrity comedians. I didn't like early Simpsons.

I didn't like the relationship between Bart and Homer. Like, Homer was a total dick. He didn't like early Simpsons. I didn't like the relationship between Bart and Homer. Like, Homer was a total dick. He didn't like that he would choke the boy. The boy needed it. Yeah, dad was, well, dad was, didn't have any redeeming qualities. He was stupid, but he didn't have like the luck or anything. He was just an asshole.

No, like, come on, Homer. Not a redeeming quality. Look, filthy. I don't know why you're tossing stones. Homer Simpson is an accomplished man with like 237 different jobs, including astronaut. And Woody, how can you of all people say that luck is a redeeming quality? You hate luck. You're always on about raising yourself from your own bootstraps and, you know, putting the effort in.

How can you call luck a redeeming quality? I don't like the way you're calling me out on my bullshit. Oh, I'm sorry. Never again. Here, let me step in. Woody, how can you dislike luck? You're always calling people out on needing to pull themselves up by their

bootstraps. This is just getting worse. That didn't help at all. Early symptoms. I'm going to go back to Mandalorian now. You just don't like how much of an idiot he is or like how he's totally useless because that's what i like about him oh i well i actually don't like that he's an asshole of a father like he doesn't seem to have any love for his boy his family's not thriving etc you go to the i don't know current simpsons i'm kind of out of date

but you get into like five six seasons he really he really loves his daughter. He has a bond with his boy, even though Bart frustrates him. He's just a little more redeeming. Young, early days Homer is just choking and foolish and wrong about everything

and an ass. I like abusive Homer. Bart! The early seasons is when he used to like I'm watching now and and an ass. I like abusive Homer. Yeah. Yeah. Bart! Yeah. The early seasons is when he used to like, like I'm watching now and I'm still in season one and I'm like,

this isn't how any of the voices I remember sound. And it's because I think Lisa's voice actress dies and they had to switch her like early on or something like that

or a couple seasons in. And then Homer, his voice is not on point at all like he sounds totally gravelly and like gargley yeah yeah is it the voice actors have that much job security like yes huge job security especially hank azaria like like he's got it made in the shade forever dan castellaneta i think he's homer i was gonna go here i was gonna say like if you're if you're iron Man, if you're Robert Downey Jr., no one can take that job.

It's totally, totally yours. But if you're doing Homer Simpson, there's a million guys out there who do a damn good Homer Simpson impression that you could swap out. Two days. Yeah, here's the thing about Hank Azaria. Hank Azaria was on Stern a while back, so I heard him talking about this. It's pretty interesting.

In addition to Moe, Wiggum, that's the police chief, and Apu, he provides the voices for the comic book guy. Cletus, which is the redneck guy. Carl Carlson, who I don't even know. The Professor Frank. The Dr. Nick Rivera. Hi, everybody! He does Lou, Snake, Kirk Van Ho van hooten the sea captain superintendent chalmers

disco stew duff man the wise guy and numerous other ones like he does like if you do 12 of them you're pretty pretty yeah he's he's maybe on the extreme end right but like does mia kunis play the ugly girl from family guy family guy nailed it yeah okay it seems like someone could take that job and not make nearly what mia would demand in terms of money but she does her own voice you'd have to find a mia kunis impersonator to come in and you don't think you can get that am i wrong not i think you're wrong i i i think so because like like to me like i would i would i would catch it like like The voice of the son is Seth Green. But aren't we just literally listening to Taylor talk about how the voices were different then?

And it didn't do anything to harm them? They matured over the course of many years. It was a phase. It wasn't like, oh, and this week, new actors. It's the phase of XYZ actor is cut short real soon. And now we're moving on to the next phase. I'm not sure. I hear your point like okay you have an iconic figure and that figure is in part their voice and then switching that voice is going to be jarring but i think it happens anyways like we

see it with actors like wasn't there i can't remember who was the i'm thinking game of thrones now game of thrones now and i was thinking um the uh the guy who's like chasing uh daenerys and um isn't it one season to the next? Yeah, that does happen. The guy with the blue beard. Yeah, he's in the Merc Company. But he was such a minor character. Sure, but they didn't even give an explanation.

He wasn't that minor. He was in like five years or something, wasn't he? No, no, no. Incazeria makes $7 million a year. That's nice. That's not bad. He's worth $300,000 an episode, I think. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, it's great.

I'm just saying, I think this shit is not dictated ultimately by that. I think it's ultimately dictated by money. It's going to cost you something to do that, but you can make it work, right? I mean, the real thing that's made Family Guy suck is that seth mcfarland doesn't fucking write it anymore yeah family guy's not very good anymore unfortunately yeah it used to be in years gold it was just like a rapid fire fucking comedic firestorm that you were in the middle of where like you're like god damn it i'm trying to get the last three jokes not that they're hard jokes to get it's just they're coming one after another so fast.

You don't have time to get over them. I didn't get a lot of them because so many are 80s jokes. And I wasn't around then. I liked in the new Rick and Morty when he's making a Beverly Hillbillies reference and the lady doesn't get it because she's from another universe or some shit. He's like, watch the fucking Beverly Hillbillies

so my jokes can land, god damn it. Did you guys see Bernie Sanders wants to legalize weed and Joe Biden doesn't yep he says it's a gateway drug right can you believe someone said it's a gateway drug in 2019 like that's why I'm a Bernie bro not only does he want to

legalize it he wants to expunge those records mmm yeah that'd be good for you. If what? Could you get your guns back if that happened? No! Could you repurchase guns if that happened? Yes! How do you not get them back? What do they do with them?

They destroy them! I had to piss in a cup like once a week on an average, like randomly I just like to get out front of that well I do that too careful about the drinking glasses at my house

that's not a shot glass that's Woody's little squirter this is my prison mic coffee mug and like what I was telling you the other day when I do my coffee, I do black coffee and I put an entire

scoop of just plain cocoa powder, unsweetened. And I like it a lot. Look at the formation. Oh, look at that. That's the cocoa that was at the bottom. Tap the bottom. This is interesting and boring land.

Yeah, isn't this what got you arrested? Isn't this what got you arrested in the first place, Kyle? Well, if I scrape this up now and snort it, it'll feel fucking real good. You went from weed to cocoa. Jesus, Kyle. And not even the cool kind of coke. Just cocoa.

What is... It's actually not bad. One is cocoa beans and the other is coca beans? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know anything. Cocoa beans? And coca beans.

That's what I thought. Yeah, yeah. They should make cocaine chocolate. Even if you exaggerate the A, it's still racist. Don't say coca. They make pot chocolate. Yeah, they make pot chocolate. But that't like make you successful on wall street you know like that you need cocaine real cocaine to be successful on wall street there's no way it doesn't get legalized everywhere it's just impossible but we went to hiking much money i we had

something you guys familiar i Filthy knows about this. What's this? For people who go to altitude. I'm an expert in everything, so go on. I think you actually will know about this because you have a climbing background. For people who go to altitude, there's a kind of tea bag that I think is a cocaine derivative that you can have to help you with altitude sickness. I don't know about that.

So the natives down there, when they're in the mountains at high altitude, they'll take the coca leaves just raw off the tree and they'll stuff them into their mouth and chew them and absorb it sublingually. There's a whole process for processing the leaf into the powdered cocaine that we're familiar with.

But it has a similar effect. Not on me. So I actually had it in California. My friend got a bunch of teabags. I've been on it all night. I don't feel any different. That's a different thing. That I was on? It absolutely...

Unless you're admitting right now to doing cocaine, I'm pretty sure the coca leaves are also illegal here. There's no way your friend had tea bags of coca. I need to look into this. Yeah, the one company that's able to do it is Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola. Because it definitely wasn't PKA Dan's brother that sourced it. And I could still get in touch with him.

You're saying this to the wrong person. I could make a call right now to the officer in Yarborough. Statute of limitations. This is like 15 years ago. All right, here we go. Dan, you say. I'm just going to write P-K-A Dan. He'll know.

It wasn't him. Get off your parole if you turn Woody in. Definitely not his brother that got it. And he was like, this is what they use in the 80s. We're going to use it in like half hour. But I don't... I did try it and I didn't notice it. I did it because I thought it was cool,

but it didn't do anything to me, although I didn't get altitude sick. I bet there's a listener out there that knows exactly what it was. I'm sure he'll post on YouTube and be downvoted and no one will ever read it. Is it possible that if you called Dan, he'd be like, Woody, he was just fucking with you.

That was Earl Grey. Yes, of course that's possible. It's like 99% probable. Yeah, yeah. But they did it too. So, I mean, it was quite the prank. Well, it is a soothing tea. A little chamomile.

You shared in a communal cup of tea? No, they all did it too. They're in as deep as I am. Well, I'll sip some of that chamomile if you do it first. I'm no wild man. I don't be out here on a limb by myself getting all soothed and relaxed.

I like chamomile tea. I've got a bunch of chamomile in my kitchen right now. I'm going to have a cup right after this show. Relax. I'm going to chill. I really love chamomile tea. It really does mellow me out in a way. Melatonin, I've taken that before. It doesn't fucking work.

Chamomile tea does work. I like green tea a lot. Melatonin works for me. Put a bit of honey in there. Good stuff. Very soothing. Some lemon, too, if I've got a sore throat or something. A little Crown Royal.

Here's what melatonin does to me, Taylor. I want to know if it's possible that you're using it wrong so i think ours is five milligrams something i take two or three and what happens is maybe 15 minutes later i get a 15 or 20 minute window where i'm tired and all i need to do is close my eyes and go to sleep if i'm stupid and occasionally i am i can power through the being tired you know like i'm just to sit here and watch YouTube videos while it takes me to sleep and then I don't fall asleep. That 20 minutes later, 20 minute window.

If I power through that, then it doesn't work. Melatonin just does not make me hit that window of tired. I've taken it before. I've taken way more than I thought. But if I drink like a nice warm cup of chamomile tea, like naturally after i finish it within about 20 minutes i'm feeling sleepy if i'm whenever i'm around someone who's had a lot of melatonin i can't stand them i can't stand those people how often is this if they have a lot of melatonin in them they just oh no that's melanin that's i've been i've been picking that one up for 30 seconds i was like shut up about melatonin i got one. That's going to suck a bit, idiots.

That's good. I'm like, what do people act like on melatonin? Yes, that skin pigmentation makes me angry. Yeah. Oh, it's funny. Can't wait to start using these kind of jokes on twitch and getting banned that won't take long no is that true i'm not getting a guy in my stream wrote the

you're like i'm not getting bad go on yeah so a guy i'm told that you're responsible for your chat right a guy came in my chat i mentioned him maybe before the show or something. Started a bunch of variations of the N-bomb. And I banned him. But people act like I'm going to get banned because he did that. And I'm like, oh, it just took me a minute. I heard that somewhere. I don't know. I was in game.

I don't know if I believe it or not. In Call of Duty, the way that you mute someone on the other team wasn't intuitive to me. It was the first time I had to do it. So he was saying a bunch of awful racist like super like the most over-the-top attention grabbing racist you can think of and i go on the other team i look at the player names one is like clansman hood so i'm like oh i'll mute that guy right that's my thinking was it him there was there was he hadn't started yet they take it in teams you would think yeah so he's like i took this so that a filthy racist couldn't

so i ended up muting the whole team which you know i didn't figure out at first you'd think mute all would do that but it doesn't it mutes your team too so and and people in the chat are like you know you're gonna get banned and it's like what for taking a minute to figure out this weird mute system i i just feel like they're a little are they too antsy about getting banned is it really that it feels a little like um you know how a cop can pull you over for basically anything yeah and you know uh god i was watching yeah i think it was rogan again i think someone's watching joe rogan again talking about that incident where this kind of like small town cop pulled over this woman and like there's this huge it blew up super fast and he did a bunch of really shitty tactics to pull her over like

accelerating up behind her and like pulling her over for like all this bullshit right and it's like i feel sometimes like the twitch stuff can be like that too if you get caught attention to they can be real reactive to about it but in general it could be because i'm a no one i'm getting away with it but if i was you know yeah it's the middle probably bothered at all i bet if someone says a thing in shrouds they're like we know shroud he's not about that like i know he's off twitch but work with me and they're me they don't notice me at all but if you're getting 1200 people a night and it's happening maybe that's where you're maybe like and200 people a night and it's happening, maybe that's where you're... Maybe. And I've heard that. And that's such a scare thing, right? I have moderators.

My moderators ban shit that's offensive. I occasionally entertain trolls, but I don't know. I'm not responsible for what people type in my fucking chat. Do you hold that responsible? I don't endorse it because if it's said in there, that doesn't mean I've endorsed it. Right. Exactly.

I'm doing a i'm doing a gaming content creation channel it's i'm not there for fucking like giving a platform for my chat's voice like i don't want to say about that it's a weird it would be really weird if that were true i haven't heard that but i've heard i've heard that as a horror story is presented as something to be worried about sometimes they'll say something that's bad sometimes they'll say something about someone i know that's not flattering and just don't read that don't draw let it let it flow off the screen and it goes away yeah yeah and engage with it when it's funny that's the plan that's my long-standing policy on trolls in my channel

uh you can troll on my channel if it's funny yeah that's it if it's not funny if it's not entertaining then we're gonna ban you i'm gonna pop on in what if i aspire to be funny and i miss the mark well happens we'll give you a time out i join time out first you can try again later we got a guy who's been coming back for years tries the same shit every single fucking time really he's not learning that the bit's not funny yet, and he's not switching it up? Taylor, it takes a while to craft and mold a bit. I'm fond of the guy.

He's never said a useful thing in my chat, but I'm slightly fond of him. What's his name? His name is Victor something TV. Okay. And you like him even though he's retarded. Yeah, he's been going in since Civ days. Well, it's nice that you, you know,

take care of the handicapped. When's the last time you played Civ? A couple years. Civ 5, I'm sure. Oh, a couple years? Yeah. Wow. I played a game.

I was done and then I got invited. Do you guys know who's Yoggcat? Yeah, I know of them. Yeah, yeah. They invited myself and Quill. invited do you guys know yog cat uh yeah i know i know of them yeah yeah they and they invited my myself and quill um jesus i can't remember the last the numbers on this name are quite 18 or close 16 i'm sorry cool i met him in person he's really nice guy um but we we got invited to play with the yogs cast for they do like a sim 5 free for all thing and they're all very terrible at it and very funny and they did it at 3 a.m my time three days in a row from 3 a.m to 6

a.m and that was non-negotiable at the time so we played that game and i um that was the last time i played civ and that's been a couple years i hadn't played for like six months before that or something eight months before that or something it's one of those impossible scenarios where you go in and it's like i'm the best player in the world at that game at that point i can't not beat them but then like by beating them you get accused of like trying real hard and then it's like, I'm the best player in the world at that game at that point. I can't not beat them. But then by beating them, you get accused of trying real hard. And then it's like, oh, he wasn't being that funny. It's fucking 3 AM in my time. That's the dumbest accusation.

You have nothing to gain. To say you tried hard. Yeah, I know, right? I love being called sweaty, too. They might be watching my stream. You're so sweaty. Oh, you guys are so you sweat he's fuck i'm like dude my fingers are slipping off my keyboard i literally do have pine tar that i have

on my hand i put pine tar on my hands for that game you just respond i don't want to chafe later like i gotta get that fucking sweat out you have no idea how sweaty I'm playing right now. I literally put pine tar on my hands. I don't have that. You can order it. No, I don't. Oh, okay. Oh, it's not about sweaty hands. It's about getting a really, like when I palm my mouse, it's literally stuck to my hand. And so I don't get any fatigue from screaming it.

It's the stuff they put on baseball bat handles. It's literally the tar's literally sap from a pine tree and it's very tacky. I can't imagine trying to get pine sap. It used to be something called gamer grip. That sounds terrible. It made it so your hands didn't sweat so much, your palms weren't sweaty. Is that like, oh my God.

It's like antiperspirant for your hands. They marketed it towards controller users, but it wasn't a problem that i had to solve i don't know i just don't have sweaty palms i guess i do get sweaty palms i used to get them uh when playing uh xbox and uh so i would just put but i just put roll on deodorant like i liked um i'm totally spacing out on his name what was the guy um uh that that ran that shit? I love him. Was it Iron or something? Uh-uh. Duncan?

Is he an Iron? He's tall and vaguely ethnic looking. He's a little brown. I'm talking about the scuff guy. No, no, no. You're thinking of the Envy guy. Envy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's his name? Hastro. Hastro. I love Hastro. I wonder what he's up to these days. Great guy. I've had some amazing times with Hastro. We've gone to strip clubs and gotten drunk as shit together and done all kinds of fun stuff.

He's a good guy. I wonder if he's still working with Envy. Because I think Envy's doing well right now. You're a strip club fan? No, no, not at all. Not at all. But I've now you're a strip club fan no no not at all not at all but like you know i've gotten drugged to those places genuinely not at all not at all no those are those are whores who don't fuck i haven't been to a strip club since i was young young but welcome to kfc all the food just fucking really off-putting it's like going to kfc but you only get to look at the chicken and also it also feels just so fucking transactional but you still gotta pay you can you can literally go get a prostitute for much more

than you would spend in a strip club i wouldn't know how to get a prostitute uh we'll go into strip clubs honestly it's oh that you would find one there you'd absolutely find one there you go to like a um like like every strip club i've been to i think there have been prostitutes who work there they they do both they're sort of there's certain streams that have bots that advertise them in too yeah um like like uh down in uh tampa whenever we'd go there uh or coco beach i won't say the guy's name but there there's a guy who owns an enormous company. His family is worth billions of dollars, but he's like heir to the throne. And I'll tell you later if you want to know. It's an interesting situation, but he's very into two things.

One of them is cocaine and the other is strippers. And we go to the strip club. The third one's a good time. Yeah, and the third one is a good time. And I got no interest in cocaine, but we'd go to the strip club. That's a good time. Yeah, and the third one is a good time. I got no interest in cocaine, but we'd go to the strip club, and he'd be like, hey, girls, what's up?

And they'd be like, Joe! And his name isn't Joe, but... They'd say his actual name. He's like, this is my friend, Kyle. Go show him a good time. She's like, yeah, you want a private dance? And I'm like, yeah, I do. And he's like, I'm trying to think like exactly how it came up.

Like they're just topless there. And I think that she said something like somehow seeing her pussy came up. And she said, do you want to see the pussy? And said she's do you want to see the pussy and i was like i want to see the pussy and and i think trey was like in the background somewhere and he's like he loves the pussy it was just the funniest moment ever i wish i butchered it terribly like like the the the order of events but it was it was hilarious at the time. I think so. Yeah. Every one of those strip clubs have been to us. But the night I was with Hastro in LA at a strip club and my date was a porn star,

the stripper that we were watching offered to prostitute herself to me and my porn star escort of the night. And you talked to yourself. This would make a good story on PKS. You did it. Well, I asked my... But it's not legal in LA. It's not legal. No. escort of the night and yourself this would make a good sir in pks you did it and well i i asked my but it's not legal in la so um it's not legal no no no no i was gonna do it i don't care if it's

illegal or not this is past tense uh so i asked i'm not doing it right now i can't probably like 20 years ago these past crimes in other states he was six at the time so i so i asked my porn star date, and I'm like, hey, Roxy over there wants to come back to the hotel room with us. And she's like, those bitches probably got herpes. And I'm thinking like, me too. And I'd already I think Roxy was going to come back for $2.50 an hour or something like that, which seems like a damn good price because she was a very attractive young lady that's a good price i was like yeah oh yeah yeah for sure like like if you want like picture like the most beautiful woman you can imagine

and you could you could grab her for 800 or a thousand dollars uh an hour yeah well i mean how much how much time you want with her what do you you know what I mean? Does she do it by the quarter hour, by chance? Exactly. Yeah, they will. Yeah. I actually wonder. A seven minute, 46 second man, could we do that? Do they bill port to port, which means like drive time included, like any of that?

No, no. It's just when they're there. Okay. Yeah. And then the prostitutes always have drugs. When he's like, I'm going to get my value. I'm going to make her drive eight hours. Find a Vegas whore and have her come to Raleigh.

I was about to say, if you're in Vegas, like the whores there, they're also drug dealers, essentially. They'll be like, all right, this much for this much time, this much for this much time. And they're businesswomen. So as the time goes up,

the price per minute goes down. Goes down. Goes down. Makes sense. And there's bonuses. Although that doesn't make that much sense in that profession. Presumably there's some fucking way. I mean, you got to think about that. Sex doesn't get...

Sex to a point gets better. And then it starts going down again. Right? I have a different... It makes sense for them to offer it that way though because they'd have to go find a whole new client. No, Philby. They've already secured a client.

I want to sell you five hours because I know damn well 90 minutes into it, you're done. If I sell you 10 hours. in five hours, what are we doing after that? You're not going to be

raking your leaves. No, exactly. You're cooking and doing housework. I paid $1,000 an hour for this for five hours that happened on the office backyard leaves cleaned up that happened on the office they ordered a stripper and then like everybody felt uncomfortable around the stripper so so dwight has her answering phones he's like we pay for an hour and we're gonna get it makes sense but. They've all got drugs.

They'll get you drugs if you want them. Those can be included into the prize. I've never bought drugs from a prostitute. I've only bought one prostitute. I didn't technically pay the money. Somebody else paid the money.

Was that an enjoyable experience? Enjoy the sex from that you think they'd be good at it though right like i admit because a prostitute is motivated to make you come fast that's the name of the game i think yeah but that's not good sex is that is that what you consider good sex no it wasn't good sex at all it was i consider that maintenance sex like an orgasm just for an orgasm it was it was like uh she she was attractive there were two girls and i got my pick of the two and uh and i picked i picked the right and i so you know i picked the one that i found more attractive or whatever and um she was like maybe two or three years older

than me and blonde and pretty and uh she had big boobies and um you know but but the thing about it was like the blow job included a condom. And I'm like, she puts a condom on my dick and starts blowing me and I can't get hard. And she's like, is this going to happen? Which kind of upset me. It made me a little mad. I wanted to be like. You're like, well, again, at that point, you're like, I got 48 more minutes on the clock.

We'll find out. Your job is going to get tired. I wanted to be like, we're point you're like, I got 48 more minutes on the clock. We'll find out. Your jaw's going to get tired. I wanted to be like, we're in this for like $300. I'm in this for $300 or something like that for this hour or whatever. Like, fuck you. There's a condom on my dick. Like, what do you think I have that you can't suck my dick?

But so I closed my eyes and I focused with my Jedi mind trick and I got hard. And then, you know. sans blue chew yeah sans blue chew this doesn't sound like a good experience so far it was not a good experience it gets so much worse um so then we start having sex and uh and i finish and after a while and then when i pull out or whatever and look down she had been on her period and she had put a diaphragm in to hold back the period. Yeah. And she said that because I was a little larger than average or whatever, that I had knocked the diaphragm loose and the floodgates of hell had been unleashed.

But really, she was just a nasty ass bitch really kyle got to kind of rub the scabs off so then so then there's blood everywhere there's blood all over my thighs all over my junk all over her all over my sheets in this very nice hotel like like usually we we would go look for like a mid-tier hotel but this was one of the two or three times when we traveled around the country that we were like hey let's get a five-star hotel like there's a maitre d downstairs and a guy playing the fucking grand piano and there's an there's a very nice why is that worse you pay for that shit you don't care that you play like come you know like we need some new sheets up here that's what i said that was it i was like i was like i was like i'm not up she was apologizing a

lot and i was like i'm not upset not a deal. And I kind of kept making jokes about it. And I was like, look, as long as you call downstairs and ask for the new sheets and face the bellhop or whatever, whoever comes up to bring them, then I'm good. I don't want that awkwardness. So she does that. And then to this day, I don't understand why. But then I took her out for a lobster dinner why would you do that after she i don't know the previous uh tenant of this left wet fresh blood all over you don't know that makes total sense to me i honestly don't know why i took her out

like i could just went with my boys just in a red mood. When they asked us for our drink orders, I was like, she'll have the Bloody Mary. And I thought that was hilarious. I'm sure she double thought it was clever. Take that whore. She didn't care for it. She gave me her business card, her whore business card, which I immediately threw away.

Two things. One, so I thought she'd be good at the blowjob. I want to respond to it. Where his head was, i guess i'm wrong but i was like man if her job was to make you come then it would behoove her to really master the blowjob now i know you had a condom on master that i'm sure there's things i know there's things physically mastered that but some of that's knowing the person well i paid for sex i had paid for half and half as it's known in the horror world. Right, but still to be good at her job

would make her more profitable, right? She wants to return customers and she wants it done faster. Now, I know you had a condom on and it wasn't your best blowjob, but did you get the vibe she was good at it? Like, could you tell that maybe if you were... Okay.

The other thing, what did she wear? Was she like... She ran like a cocktail dress because she was like uh she was at our fancy hotel because she was like looking for dudes like like like like if you go to any very nice hotel in any major city and you find you see a girl who's by herself wearing like a cocktail dress who's a little too attractive to just be alone like it's a little odd she's a prostitute yes you've done millions of women across america a huge favor right there kyle

like if she's hanging out at a hotel bar and she's like just too attractive and she's dressed a little bit too scantily she's a prostitute the question is they're looking for guys who are staying right upstairs what do the whores at Woody's motels look like? You don't recognize them because they're male. Yeah, they're men. Those are men. Those are men fucking

married men who don't want their wives and families to find out. They just want gas money. Those kind of prostitutes. Can you get me there? Can you get me there? you get me there and funny you mentioned it woody their blow jobs are outstanding blow jobs are better but but but the shame that you incur is uh irreparable it's it's you don't come back from that sort of thing yeah you brought her out to that dinner because it's kind of social etiquette there right like

you you were no it wasn't required but no no not social etiquette for whores which this was your first yeah social etiquette for dating a girl right and not not post-coital dinner or something like that but like in the sense of hey we're gonna go out to dinner this is the next part of like or part of that relation that fucking uh it was like it was like a ritual that i already that that i that i normally did you know when like like you know if i'm hanging out with a girl it's like yeah let's go out to dinner. Of course I'm going to pay for dinner. But I ended up,

went to Fleming's in, was it Houston? It's a nice ass restaurant. It's Fleming's in Houston. They have a lobster there. That's one of those lobsters you see on Reddit. That's like a blue lobster. That's like a one in 10 million lobster.

I don't remember how much it costs but i ate the motherfucker did you know that i saw a story about this no i would not have that usually the reason for that is they have someone spray painting regular lobsters in the back that's that's a lie that's not true that's that's that's not i agree that's not true no it's not a. That's not true. I agree. That's not true. No, it's not a lie. It's totally true. These are one in a billion lobsters and they've got one on standby? It's a... Let me see how rare these lobsters are. Because that's what I ate.

I'm not claiming to have eaten a rainbow lobster. Something has come by that we needed to challenge. So I'm glad we're getting a fact check on this. Political stuff doesn't matter. One in 200 million. And I absolutely fucking ate one. How many lobsters are there? 10 trillion?

I don't have to come up with lobster fucking counts for you. I once had a piece of a giant lobster. It was like 15 pounds. 200 million. That was the same dinner that like so it's me, my friend,

we both got two whores, one for each of us. And also, also there's Jeremy, my Jeremy who pretends to be my cousin, but he's not. He's my employee. And Scott,

who is my cousin, who's my main brother. Also. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't, I would never say such a thing. He works with me. He doesn't work for me. God damn it. That's my main brother also and yeah yeah yeah but i don't i would i would never say such a thing

he works with me he doesn't work for me god damn it that's my near me anything he needs is he's taken care of i love scott he's he's close to a brother what does he have on you um you know uh uh uh 10 years of like friendship and loyalty which probably comes with a lot of dirt no dirt at all I got the dirt on him I know about those kids you got in South Carolina Scott I know about them there are no kids in South Carolina

there are though so like I you know there's these two extra guys third and fourth wheels if you will but third and fifth wheels why are they there they're working for me i'm in i'm in houston filming and uh and and we're all there you can't you say things like um this would be a good time for you to find another bar oh no no that's not the issue that's not the issue here so you know me and my friend we got our whores and went upstairs they could have had whores if they wanted oh this is post tour right right right i forgot this is post tour this is as you would say a little i guess i'll tell the whole story i know i've told this before

so forget me for anyone who's familiar with this story um so then we took my whore up to my cousin's room scott's he's asleep he went to bed early turned in and the way i remember it he had left his door open accidentally like his literally like his hotel door was open like it wasn't latched securely so we just got right in and we didn't have we didn't even have to knock and so we get in and it's me and my friend and our whores and the whores jump into bed with him like right away and they they start like cuddling up with him and he wakes up you know imagine you're you're a single man and you wake up and there are two very attractive young ladies just in bed with you randomly and he has that reaction he's like hey what's going on well on the drive up there there had been this discussion of let's fuck with jeremy and have a transsexual prostitute go after him let's pay a transsexual prostitute to to get jeremy so i say to scott hey scott

you're that special kind of lady we were talking about getting for jeremy that's her he snaps he jumps up out of bed oh what, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? And he can't decide who he wants to beat up first. Scott is what Jim Rome calls likes to fight guy. And so he doesn't know if he wants to beat up the woman, me, or my friend first. But we're all getting beaten up in this scenario in which he is literally just cuddled with a man and she has kissed him on the cheek.

Everybody's getting an ass whooping now as far as Scott is concerned. And I'm like, I'm just kidding! And the girl's afraid and she immediately pulls her panties down and shows him her pussy. And he's like, alright then. Alright then, I guess we're cool.

I guess we're cool here. Scott's a little homophobic. You didn't realize you're about two seconds away by being fucking shanked by a pimp it's not about being homophobic it's like if a man got into bed with you woody and kissed you and you cuddled up with him in front of your friends it's not homophobia at that point it's like hey i've been violated without knowing without full disclosure that's what it's about at that point it was about kyle putting i want to hear what his problems with this scenario this was interesting to me i'm a married

man that's the core of what i was getting at well yeah yeah he would have jumped up immediately i would never do that to a married person you know i have chili to get back to yeah i wouldn't do that i wouldn't do that to woody or any other married person like scott's single man at this time. It's a fair game. To be fair, pranks are often that way. There are limitations in what you do for your pranks. Yes.

I asked Scott and Jeremy, my two working with me friends. They're both. They're friends and they work with me, but I pay the bills. I say, hey, we are all going to dinner and we means me my friend and our two whores you're like the bam margera to rob himself i asked rob and uh and and uh what's the uncle who ended up being a child molester don vito i asked and don vito i asked them uh you know hey you want to come to dinner with me what I mean is do both of you want to come to dinner with me Scott's like nah man I'm I am beat I'm gonna

turn in I know we got to work tomorrow all right well see you guys and then Jeremy goes I'll go and I'm like what do you mean you you'll go it's it's two couples and you but i don't say that because i'm not an asshole so i'm just like what all right you're an asshole why wouldn't you say that i'm an asshole on this show because it's funny in real life i'm a real sweetheart so i say all right all right so we go to dinner to fleming's where everybody's plate is 90 to 150 dollars and i pay for everybody and what is that to you150 and I pay for everybody. And what is that to you in that moment? I don't know when this was for you financially.

I don't know what this was like the peak of your, is that a big deal? No. It's a puff in the wind. Yeah. It's a quarter of a day's work. Um, I don't know.

Something like that. Uh, as far as making $3,000 a day. So I asked him, uh, so, so Jeremy, the waiter comes around, it takes everybody's order. So I ask him, so Jeremy, the waiter comes around.

He takes everybody's order. And he asks Jeremy, hey, what would you like, my friend? And he goes, I want a lobster macaroni. Now, keep in mind, I ordered a filet mignon, baked potato, and a wedge salad. And water. Jeremy wants the lobster macaroni. And the waiter goes, he's a bit confused. He goes, well, sir, that is a side item.

What would you like for your main? And he goes, he reacts as if the waiter has said the stupidest thing he's ever heard. He goes, this is Gestapo stew. I said, I want a lobster macaroni. A bowl of it. And he goes, one bowl of lobster macaroni. And what to drink, sir? And he's like, give me a Bud Light and a pickle shot.

A pickle shot. A Bud Light and a pickle shot, sir? Jeremy again has the same reaction. Well, shit. This dumbass with all his teeth. I'm dealing with a dumbass, a pickle shot, actually a shot of tequila,

and a shot of pickle juice. And the guy's like, we have bread and butter pickles in the back. I guess we could strain some and put it in a cup. A shot, a shot of pickle juice. Are you sure you don't want McAllen 21? No.

He just goes, yes, sir. And Jeremy drinks three pickle shots and like half a dozen fucking Bud Lights or whatever the fuck and his lobster macaroni. I have a question about the pickle shot. Is it half a shot or is it a, oh, it's two glasses each shot. Two glasses. Oh, that's not how I've had pickle shots. So it's a pickle shot chaser.

It's a chaser. He chased, that's how it was. Now, I'm not saying that that's the correct way to have a pickle shot, but that's the way that Fleming's prepares their pickle shots. Taylor, you have some pickle shot experience? Yeah, I've had pickle shots. Pickleback, that's what it's called. A pickleback shot. I think I remember it being whiskey and pickle brine together in the same shot glass so it's like jameson

plus pickle juice in the picture there's two shot glasses am i am i mistaken i'm just i i only did these when they were offered to me at like some to get together i've never ordered one but like at the time it was actually it was a family get together and someone was like hey we're taking pickle shots and i was, that sounds terrible. What? And they're like, yeah, it's like Jameson, two-thirds Jameson in the shot plus a third of pickle juice. And I was like, that sounds terrible.

And then you take one, and it's not great, but it's also not as bad as you would imagine. Actually, that should be Woody's drink of choice. You would like that because the alcohol flavor of the whiskey absolutely bent over and dominated by the vinegar of the pickle. You don't even taste the alcohol. Can I read the Wikipedia? Yeah. A pickleback is a type of shot wherein a shot of whiskey is chased by a shot of pickle brine.

The term pickleback may also refer to the shot of pickle brine the term pickleback is may also refer to the shot of pickle brine it's serious now alternatively the shot of the whiskey can be chased by the bite of pickle the pickle brine works to neutralize both the taste of the whiskey and the burn of the alcohol dude the reading got 20 better with glasses on yeah i don't judge you for the glasses i just thought it was like this is the moment it came out not any previous thing not the politics not the horror talk is the pickle shop he only wears it for important topics yeah there you go i also like yours i like your it's so hey it's so strange to me again like i i'm always taken taken aback by how uninvolved you guys are with alcohol right like that's just not a portion of at least taylor and

woody like every time we talk about this it's not a portion of your life it's not something you're interested in no i know stuff about alcohol like i've i've started drinking wine are you doing wine right now yeah i have some wine right now i don't like this is how trashy i am i don't like like red wine it's a little too much so So sometimes I'll like take a LaCroix and pour a little bit into my red wine to make it a little bubbly and weaken it a little bit. You need better red wine. Yeah, maybe I need better red wine.

It sounds like a little too dry for you. Yeah, it is a little bit too dry. I don't like that. But something I've found is like before bed or like with dinner or something, if I have like a beer or two with dinner, it doesn't make me feel tired. It doesn't relax me.

You know, like beer is just some, something different. If I have like a nice big glass of red wine with dinner, that makes me tired. What beer? Is that a positive effect or a negative one? To me,

it's a positive one, a positive one. Like it's like, Oh, you know, I finished any work I had to do today. I out in the morning okay i'm just feeling relaxed had a glass of red wine with my dinner maybe i'll have another one as i'm watching sunny or whatever the fuck afterward and then after that a nice cup of chamomile tea and i'm ready to ship off to bed so i i like that

a lot as far as like like you said you're having whiskey right now hard alcohol the only kind i ever buy is vodka and that's usually like if i'm having company over i don't yeah i'm not allowed to drink my beer is like a basic bitch no i'm not allowed to drink and uh so i uh but but if i were allowed to drink i would be drinking a little bit of Tito's vodka. And I'd just be doing big-ass shots of that. What are these? I like these. I like White Claws.

These seltzer drinks, low-calorie, and they still taste pretty good. Is that alcohol? No. What am I going for? Vodka and water? Is it a vodka and water? This isn't vodka and water. I think they have sugar alcohols in this. Um,

cause usually the ones that actually have vodka in it make a big deal about the branding cause it's better. But yeah, white claw or truly or spiked seltzer. It's all the absolute same shit. So yeah, filthy. I saw that picture. That is,

Oh, did you, were you buying a year's supply no so um i i hate getting ripped off and whatever reason the alcohol prices in my town are just bad so like i go to appleton which is about half hour away for food generally and i try to make it like a when i'm out there for like going for like a dinner or something i'll try to make a swing by the liquor store and i had a day off and it was like i'm like i was bored and i'm like fuck i need to run an errand we're out of out of liquor and out of wine i should go do that and i went to this place and it was like really good price and like shit i should stock up while i'm here so i did that and i you know thought i'd tweet about it because it's a good meme for being

in upper wisconsin with fucking winter is coming but like this is what i'm saying like it's so weird to me it's such a different experience like i drink probably five days a week maybe yeah right like and and i often have a couple drinks in a night like marijuana um it's not legal here and i haven't if it were illegal there would you substitute it in some people i don't know i like i like the the look for me it's been a lesser hangover mostly with marijuana so i feel the of course less the day after and i do like that it's and it's different it's like i for me like alcohol shuts me off a little bit like i'm i'm often social with it but like i my my i i engage like my entertainment my relaxation is engagement like i think about it is it's it's easy to overdo it

with alcohol especially if you're not a seasoned drinker even if you are a seasoned drinker like like you can be like oh man i guess oh yeah i forgot i took that one shot and then i took two shots and now i'm eight shots in and now this is a little more than i bargained for i wanted to be six shots in and i'm eight in and that's a big difference there's a but i like the feeling of being drunk like I enjoy that feeling. You guys also have... There's a level of too drunk. My big thing, if I wake up the next day

and I've drank too much, more than a hangover being upset at, I'm trying to calculate all of the calories that I drank the night before. Whiskey, vodka, tequila. I'll either drink stuff like this if I'm out with friends

and doing stuff where it's like 100 calories and it's like 5% alcohol or I'll drink... I don't know if Bud Select is everywhere. It's like 99 calories. I've said this before on this channel but it's Get Drunk, Not Fat is a website. I've looked at that one and it turns out Natty Ice

is the best thing to drink and it tastes terrible because i remember i went to a gas water i went to a gas no natty ice is like eight percent alcohol there's something super high and it only comes in big tall boys and i remember i it was like it was sometime after filthy mentioned that where he's like get drunk not fat that i went to a gas station and saw a bunch of tall boys of natty Ice and was like, oh, high IQ Taylor. I'm going to drink some of these. And then you get like two of those deep and you're like,

this was not a regular beer. Can you explain why it tastes bad to a non-drinker? Like I don't understand. It's way – so 8% for a beer is super – that's super high to me. Okay. It's 50% stronger than a regular beer. Yeah. It's like a regular regular like this is i

always think of five percent as the standard and that's like this or bud exactly five or something like that yep but eight percent that's a lot more and it tastes terrible and so natty ice if you're trying not to get fat and you don't care about your taste buds and you're willing to just guzzle it down then that's okay but what is that what's the ratio of um alcohol to calories on natty ice compared to the ratio on alcohol to calories on knob creek that's right creek is a phenomenal whiskey is definitely better i've been in knob creek yeah me too well i've had knob creek kentucky the brewery the the distillery you want to go to the shooting range how How long, Woody, did you show this photo? I've shot like two guns in my life.

No, it was next to something and I didn't want to rock with it. The Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot is more like a firework show than anything else. If you just watch a YouTube video of Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot, they have a war zone. I'm sorry to cut you off, Kyle.

How much alcohol is this like for you like how many like months months yeah how many days can you post i can't estimate that like um you know both my wife and i drink wine and we drink wine fairly regularly and i drink whiskey fairly regularly so i don't know this is a layer cake that's a good wine layer cake i i didn't my wife does most of the wine shopping for so me i she told me the types of uh grape that she likes she because i text her i'm like i'm going alcohol shopping what do you want and she texted me like some of the grapes she liked and i just picked up i actually did sampling i just took a button i didn't have samples there but i took a bunch to

try different ones so i don't know these wines. I can't, I can't. I have, I'm looking at your collection. I have none of those. I don't think there's any alcohol in my house, but I think I have the same counter. Fantastic. We have that in common.

Countertop. You know what? What's jumping out at me in this photo, other than just the amount of wine bottles, is that cool Chianti on the end yeah that's awesome well like i'm gonna have a bit a little bit that one i recognize i don't even know what a chianti is funny though if you put it on a menu i'd probably try human brain you know yes yes right like i always try anytime i find a menu i'm like i haven't had

i'm like i want to know what that is like i would be much more likely to want human like if we were at a restaurant and you're like what do you want a beer or a human brain i take the human brain every time i don't think i've drinking drank off a drinking episode i don't remember the last time i drank when it wasn't you'd rather eat human brain than have a few beers? I would, too. One's literally poison. I'm not trying to shit on Woody about this. If Postmates, coupon code PK, had human brain on it,

I would order human brain right now and I'd eat it for you. I have no issue with eating people. Everybody acts like that's such a big deal. I wouldn't eat the brain because you get that mad cow disease because of the something. Can you not cook that out? I'm going to hope that I double my IQ. I don't know if you can cook it out or not.

I think the problem is overcooking brain. I'm going to eat Taylor's brain. Watch my vocabulary, bitch. That line didn't get the credit it was due, Woody. There's something in the brain. I'm spacing on the word. Prions. You're a fucking smart guy. The prions are the issue.

Yeah. But I would absolutely, I would prefer to eat a woman. So cooking denatures protein. And prions are like shards of protein or something. They're not like full protein. I don't quite know what a prion is. I just know that when you play Plague or whatever, that iPhone game where you try and get the whole world to die. I don't quite know what a problem i just know that when you play uh plague or whatever that iphone game where you try and get the whole world to die i don't know that one it sounds prions or

prions are the hardest thing to win with might be very easy with bacteria and and virus i don't know prion yeah if i and i would want to eat this part like you want to muscle delicacy no no no like the thumb muscle this big like feel right here. Are you basing this entirely on Silence of the Lambs? No. I don't think this was in Silence of the Lambs. He would eat all sorts of things. He'd eat like sweetbreads and stuff.

I want this part right here because I feel like you can grab the thumb and you've got like a little chicken wing and you've got like all of this. And I just want like, I want like eight thumbs. Yeah, I'm not eight thumbs. Yeah. I'm not saying I'm particularly down. Like I'm not going out of my way to eat human flesh, but like I will at some level, it's just a fucking meat,

right? I want, if you had to eat, if you had to eat meaty parts from anyone on this call, who would you guys pick? I would want filthy. He's lean. And,

uh, and, and I feel like, um, but lean doesn't make good meat. Yeah, Kyle, get your ass over here. I'm marbled. But here's the thing.

Here's another thing, though. The best parts of a cow, for example, like the filet mignon, those are the muscles that aren't activated almost at all. Like those are the muscles that are not used. And I feel like i wouldn't want to eat filthy's legs because he rides that bike i wouldn't want to eat woody's maybe like core or maybe his arms he's doing all those pull-ups and shit i don't want these calves for sure they're tough as a fucking buffalo's asshole but but filthy's palm filthy's thumb

muscle i do game a lot. You're left-handed. You're my left-handed. I want your left-handed. Oh, no. It's been a year and a half, though. That might have been. Oh, I know what I want.

I want these. I want these jaw muscles right back here. Not on Taylor, you don't. No. Those macerators. They're fucking tough as a root. I ate one Taylor macerator and I am full

and my teeth hurt I would eat I swear to god if you were on you don't have to pay me something this isn't like one of those like would you rather eat a human burger or cut your own toe off no no no if a you want burger here,

I just fucking order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might do that before I quit my toenails. I don't love shark, but the first time I saw the menu, I'm like, fuck yeah, I'll try it. I haven't had shark in ages, but I thought it was good.

It wasn't so fishy. I thought it was okay when I've had shark, but it was more I was enjoying it because it was like, cool. like cool. This is shark. I'm eating a shark. Take that, bitch. That's what you get for scaring me when I was eight. My parents let me watch Jaws alone

in the basement. He's like, I wasn't even in that movie. I didn't do it. Have you seen Taylor's eyes? Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. And when he bites into you they roll over white just biting like that yeah no i've i could i definitely have the strongest jaw on this street

not straight you find a way to test that and i will i will challenge you yeah i don't know if i'll challenge you i just want to see where rank. You get some kind of thing we bite, and it measures fucking pounds. Have you guys done testosterone tests yet? Please tell me for the show you've done that. I did, and they never called me back, which I think means that I'm not qualified. But I've been meaning to call them back. No, I went to a reputable place. Yeah.

Mine was too high to get TRT, but not high as I wanted it to be. Exactly. We should get bite test implements to see. Taylor's all about this. My TMJ doctor, I had to do $7,000 worth of work.

I ground my teeth when I sleep so bad. He's working out. He's doing vesticular workouts. My dentist has done 30 years of work. 30 years of work with TMJ. And when he was doing me, he's like, these are the biggest masseter muscles

I've ever seen in my life. I thought that joke went underappreciated. When he was doing me, he said, yeah. When he was fucking me. When he was doing me, he said, yeah. When he was fucking me, when he was bending me over that chair, giving me gas, he said I had the best prostate he's ever found. That's a taut jaw.

Have you been working out? I bet he says that to all the boys. These are the best glasso muscles. Jim Jordan covered the whole thing up. I don't know why I'm doing Mr. Rogers as much talking about it. I have been

shocked that there was never any accusations of sexual abuse from that. From what? From Mr. Rogers. have been shocked that there was never any accurate accusations of sexual abuse from that like that just from everything like from mr rogers like you hear this in all these other domains i'm always that one always struck me like he's the one he always seemed like equivalent to like peewee herman to me like in terms of like the type of weird like it's a way bigger cultural figure if someone i feel like if someone came out and was like peewee herman well that's a bad example but if they came out with that hey well yeahee Wee Herman, well, that's a bad example. But if they came out and were like, hey, well, yeah, they did, about him masturbating in the theater.

But if they were like, hey, who's really loved? Fucking Iron Man, Robert Downey Jr., he groped me in a club. People would be like, oh, Iron Man? Fucking canceled. Suck my dick. But if someone was like, Mr. Rogers in 1982 grabbed my penis, they'd be like, liar! wouldn't do that you fucking prick why would you besmirch his name it strikes me as strange that it's right man this is me again right

but like it's actually strange that hasn't because so many of these like anytime you see these weird and weird is the wrong word you see these strong interest in like children you're always a little bit concerned of where that motivation is from and so and so often are you you see the the bad side of this right so often you see the abuse of that so it's so weird to see like someone who from all the tests of time so far seems to have come out of actually meaning this it's a weird thing to engage with on that level i don't know it just strikes me as odd did you see him talk to the senators have you seen that thing yes it's so so sweet dude is he different i know he's very good uh basically what happens is there's a hard-nosed senator who goes in there with the bias against mr rogers and uh mr rogers talked to him sort of

like carefully and slowly he has a thing he wants to read i think and the guy doesn't want to hear it like he doesn't want to make time for mr rogers and uh i think he goes away from his prepared remarks and just starts like free-flowing what he does and what he's about this senator or house why was he there he was there to get funding for pbs okay and he turns this guy around 180 degrees. The guy is not just okay, I guess, but he's like, can you tell me more? I think Mr. Rogers sings a song from the show

about being a good neighbor or something. And this senator, and I'll tell you, it's not like he's a big tough guy, but you could tell he had a tough heart. He went in there with a, fuck PBS predisposition. and he left with that the world needs more of this and it's magic i think you'd like it if you saw it yeah it's just so it's so rare in the world that you find that and it's actually what it builds itself to be

right right so often it's just bullshit i understand your point but yeah so i think actually maybe an hour from now tesla reveals its electric truck does that have anyone else's attention no i want a tesla i don't think i'm gonna get one anytime soon but i i would like one i agree the first adopter phase like let it roll out a little more let him hone everything and then do it you might be right i almost view it like a computer i remember when uh when you were seeking computer advice, it was like, you know what's always about the time? Always a bad time to buy,

so it's always a good time to buy. There's always going to be a video card that comes out before long, a new CPU, et cetera. So just get when you need it. I feel that way about Teslas too. There's going to be an improvement in the software, which you might get anyway, or hardware or whatever. Just get it if it fits you they're constantly improving which is an interesting thing too like

they don't even market it they barely say like 2019 model 3 they just anytime it's ready to update they roll out the update that's a new thing um it's the self-driving i like and i'm realizing that i'm an elon musk fan i really am and i i don't know i don't know if i'm being scammed by that or not like maybe something that i buy into because i want it to be real but i'm an elon i'm an elon musk and i believe that the things he's doing are really fucking important and they're being abandoned by the public sector so seeing this in the private sector is something i really like to see. I hear that. And I'm not opposed to it. I think that let's circle back to that.

I think all I really want that the Tesla has is lane centering and adaptive cruise control. That would be 90% of what I'm looking for. I know that some of the time, most of the time they handle off ramps and they'll stop at the end of the deceleration lane or whatever at the stop sign. Okay, cool. You know, like that's, I guess that's a little better it's not doing city driving i think you get um a cow catcher on the front of it for the one percent of the time where it doesn't

successfully stop i like the way you're thinking but if my my truck doesn't have lane centering it has something that's not as good where it has lane assist so it just like pinballs off the two lines and that's that's not what you want but the adaptive cruise control is actually amazing in ford like that works really really well if i had lane centering i think all of driving would be so simplified it would just be like managed by exception instead of managed constantly and that would be really neat um I want to not manage driving. I'm ready for full cruise control. I can step back and let this fucking shit happen. I'm ready for that too.

I actually have that now in my truck in traffic jams. It's not legal to use though, right? Right. But in traffic jams, I can straight up read my phone and let the car handle like keeping up with all that stop and go. That's nice. So that. You've tested it enough that it feels comfortable um so that trusted enough that you've tested enough that it feels like comfortable to do that yeah yeah okay yeah it does a really good job actually

um does it i mean eventually it's going to be doing it better than any human could but right right no it oh the one exception is heavy downpour and i would presume snow i haven't tested that but if there's a heavy downpour, like watch it more closely. What does it do? Get false positives on things? Negative. It gets, it doesn't necessarily see the car in front of it like you want it to. Okay.

So it's not pattern recognitioning through the rain of what's there? That's my thinking. Yeah. That it's bouncing radar or something. I don't know. And it's not working at heavy rate. I'm just guessing. Yeah.

It's strange because I feel like there's things that non-visual ways to pierce rain better than the human eye does. So it's weird that that's a place that it fails. Maybe it's just what they've used to implement that. Right. We're outside of my expertise. But I hear you. So what Tesla is doing with the electric car, like I'm really excited. I think it fits other people's use cases.

Tomorrow's a great example. I'm about to tow a trailer from raleigh to florida that would suck with an electric car it would be three i bet hour-long recharges three hours added to it no no the the the new superchargers are fucking not three hour charges i think you're wrong are you saying three one hour charges i am okay i don't know maybe yeah when you add towing i fucking i just heard something about tesla towing god i have to google now i i heard terrible stuff about tesla towing uh and it's it's you may have heard it toes like 300 000 pounds but the thing is the energy consumption is just awful you know the teslas have worked so hard to be really fuel efficient

and aerodynamic and such but your trailer didn't and you know that's what sucks so uh it doesn't fit my use case the electric thing but i'm still excited for the people whose it does you know there are people who drive to work 90 of their drives or the grocery store or whatever and electric is just outstanding at that stuff and you think filling up is inconvenient like i described it for tomorrow but imagine never going to the gas station again just filling at your house almost all the time like you park in your garage anyway and you just plug it to the wall and it's as easy as that you know every three you know what they're doing they're doing it wrong with the refilling stations shouldn't be at a gas station. Should be at a fucking restaurant.

Well, aren't they also doing, they're doing proprietary refilling stations. Like that's the huge problem. So Taylor's right. They are proprietary mostly. And I don't like that. There should just be an adapter. Like, you know,

you've had three socket things and a two socket on the wall. You just put a little adapter on, or maybe you go to europe there's an adapter that should exist for cars where i can just stick my tesla in my go to the ford station or whatever um and then the other thing oh oh i think they are at restaurants i know the supercharger here in raleigh is at a mall with like a bunch of restaurants that makes sense like a business should fucking pay for that like what are they going to do for an hour while this shit charges?

They're going to go shop because they're bored. Right. Or eat. Yeah. Or eat. Probably eat more often. Yeah, I bet they gave like free real estate for it. Like that's my guess, you know.

I can see paying for it. That's an argument. But if I'm a business, that's what I try to offer. Like, hey, you set your thing up here. That spot's yours. Yeah, exactly. It's supposed to be one way. This is jumping back a second to filthy with the alcohol,

but if I'm trying to learn a little bit about wine and stuff, do you have any recommendations? Drink some. Well, yeah, but what kind? Well, you know that there's a wine that's too dry for Taylor, so where would you point him with that? I've had some Pinot Noirs,

whatever, that I like, but then i've also had way too dry okay but if you find that you don't if you like a sweeter wine look for sweeter wine that's very easy google and then find something local so i mean okay i mean you're gonna you're gonna run into a couple things you're gonna run into the fact is how often you drink if you're drinking fairly regularly then you're gonna want to buy stuff that's not ridiculous you don't want to spend twenty dollars on a bottle of wine or forty dollars on a bottle of wine or something you want to go home and drink an eight dollar bottle of wine or something find something decent with them there's plenty of decent bottles of wine for that and you're not going to find that mostly by websites because you're going to find

like the high end or whatever you're looking for stuff that's halfway decent you got to try some find some go to your local store buy a couple you're a man of reasonable affluence try a couple you're going to find what you like and what you don't like it doesn't give a fucking difference what it means for like okay this one's got an 89 on the score or whatever that may not be good but they're they're rating on something different as a casual drinker i'm so often not in the least bit related to the the wine scores because they're rating on something entirely different from what i'm actually enjoying on that's really true and i i fell into that recently when i was like like i bought a little in my kitchen now in one area of it i have

like a beverage like line where i have like a box where i keep all of my tea bags like and it's like like a treasure chest looking thing with a glass top and it's got like eight different segments and i've got like eight different of the kinds of tea that i like in there like so i got chamomile i got peppermint i got earl grey i got you know breakfast tea i got decaf i got all this kind of stuff and then next to that i've got an electric wine bottle opener because i got tired of fucking up opening wines where you just plug this thing in and hit the button it goes and it sucks it out it's fucking fantastic and then i bought a little wine rack that only holds like five or six bottles of wine, which I never have that many on hand. And I went and when I was filling it up the first time, I saw at Total Wine.

I don't know if that's everywhere. It's like an alcohol distributor that has a fuck ton of stuff, way more than just wine, like beer and liquor. And I bought like, I think like a $31 bottle of wine and then like a $6 bottle, an $8 bottle. And literally I just was buying wines to fill up the rack to be like ah ah like this is what adults look like they have these things yeah and so i drank some of like the 30 whatever dollar bottle of wine and was like okay okay it was a red it was a pinot no it was a cabernet sauvignon and then i tried like a six dollar bottle of wine which was a Pinot Noir or something. And I was like, oh, this is way better. This is way better than that $31 bottle.

And that might change by the way. So that may not be set in stone as you get used to it. So not to say like your taste will get better, but just as you get used to alcohol flavors, that may change. It's definitely a learned taste, right? So I would just strongly recommend try some. It's not a big expenditure if you don't go on the high end of this shit try some stuff find out what you and your girlfriend like it's interesting was that taylor said uh-huh this is what adults look like because in my head when i shop for like wine or it's pretty infrequent like i bought alcohol for the a drinking episode i felt like i was buying porn right which is not to say that's the fuck did you you're from new jersey not to say that's never happened weird new jersey

no it's weird in my family yeah yeah no i i can't my my father's father was an alcoholic who beat the family but my father was just the opposite of that you know like straight in he i think i think his entire drinking experience is once he accidentally had a screwdriver when he was young it's like an orange juice it looks like orange juice and that's literally his whole experience now i have more experience than that but uh dennis wasn't raised in a drinking family and i didn't create my own like that's uh that's where we are but he's like huh Look how adult I'm being. And that's how I would feel with a shopping cart filled with dildos.

Yeah. Just a bunch of wine. You're like, oh, my God. People are making assumptions. Walking towards it. I got comments coming out with that one. The clerk gave me a comment about it. Oh, with this? When you had a shopping cart filled with dildos?

No, with the fucking picture. I linked you to the oh okay yeah yeah but but okay so anyways like i was looking for the wines right so i picked up i knew what whiskey so i went and got the whiskey i drink normally and i was like i should try a couple others i put a wood for reserve and a couple other ones that were around the price range i'm like i should try just to get some more experience with and then um i was looking for wines for my wife and she had given me a list of different grapes she wanted that's what like chianti or whatever the rest of the shit means it's the grape right so i was looking for a couple different brands with this grape of ones who tried for something different and this one guy in the store was like oh i had three in my hands and i was going back to the shopping cart where all these were related and he's like

you're gonna drink them all tonight and i'm like i'm like no and i kind of laugh and because i got a cart of like 20 more around this could take two nights yeah and then i'm like i'm like no and i kind of laugh and because i got a cart of like 20 more around this could take two nights yeah and then i went then i went on the checkout the clerk was the same way kind of like you know make a big deal of it and i'm just like i don't know i don't know it's just it's weird it's just it's a weird way that people interact i feel like you shouldn't get views from people who work at these places right like if i'm at a strip club i don't want strippers being like you're kind of a perv like but that's funny because that's oh you like that that's you saying like

fucker right yeah like i thought we were on the same team here i got bamboozled into signing up for a rewards card at uh total wine and i don't even buy very much alcohol there but they were like it's not like a cole's card we have to give their social security number like i i remember a very uncomfortable exchange with a woman at cole's when i went to buy like some i had to like it was out of nowhere it was like you got to go on a business trip at 4 p.m today you got to fucking book a flight and fly out and i was like fuck i don't have any of my dress clothes and so i went to cole's and was buying a bunch of stuff they're like do you want to sign up for the fucking savey save card as bill burr would say and i was like oh yeah i'll save like 30 right now hell yeah and they like got through the questions and then finally they're

like and your social security number and i was like i'll pay full price i'll pay full price thank you i'm not giving cole's my social security yeah the total wine thing like i was like i'll pay full price i'll pay full price thank you i'm not giving coals my social security yeah the total wine thing like i was they signed me up and then i think i was ringing up like maybe 20 worth of alcohol like maybe like a six pack of beer maybe a bottle of wine and it got through and they're like all right you just earned 210 points for your $21 purchase or whatever. And I was like, oh, all right. That sounds like a lot of points. And they're like, all right, every 5,000 points, you get $5 off.

And I was like, I'm going to have to do nothing but drink all day, every day. No, it's not a card. It's just a phone number membership. I don't want to do it anymore that's too much like there's some state i lived in where um you know they they would list discounts on stuff you know like uh the in-store discounts right you know there's a tag and it's two dollars cheaper or whatever and they'd list it for food and alcohol and if you came out and checked out for food you had to card if you did it with alcohol they were it was not legal to uh to to charge you the full amount and the discount price to force you to sign up for that so you just got the discount if you didn't have a card i remember state that was interesting was that costco

i feel like you can buy booze at costco even if you don't have a membership yeah maybe i don't know i do have a costco membership and i'm a huge fan of how you can get enormous beef tenderloins that are you know the size of your torso for relatively cheap and that's not on beef jerky and i want to find a fucking vendor that sells me reasonable sizes beef jerky for a good price because uh does costco have expensive good prices on fuel gasoline yeah yeah they have cheaper gas but the problem with it is like you get there and you're like oh okay i my tank's like quarter full i just bought all my food and whatnot am i gonna wait in line for gas because there's all at least the costco i go to

there's always a line of people waiting to get you know 15 cent cheaper per gallon gas and every time i'm like this is not worth my time like i'm not i'm not gonna spend an hour and a half here on a thursday afternoon this is a bad idea because i wouldn't be there because i'd be here but on a wednesday afternoon or whatever to do this that's how it was one of the really i want to have those exaggeration right that's that's hyperbole it was probably 20 minutes you gotta wait it's always sunny you gotta bring a couple of trash cans to fill up with fuel yeah but but but but but to taylor's point there which i think is a really good point which was something that took me a while to get used to from the mentality of of going from a graduate student streaming as a

hobby to a streamer full-time and making the money that i made streaming which was that my time has value and as a graduate student when you don't have any fucking money and you don't make any money your time doesn't have a lot of value your time has value it's just 10 cents an hour yeah but in terms of what tasks you're willing to take on for yourself you know especially with my prison wages well yeah my mentality raised was essentially if you run into a problem you put more time and work into it to solve that problem it's the mentality that i grew up in and i don't just i don't think that's a bad mentality but it does come into the issue when you run into what's essentially work that is not worth your

time at the of what your rate is you should be hiring people to do that not doing it yourself or ignoring that yeah there's a there's a term that, but they teach it in economics, microeconomics. Opportunity costs, right? Let me do a could be advertisement here. You don't need a cheat code to get full compensation after a car crash or other injury. You need Morgan & Morgan, the personal injury law firm. That's for the people, not the powerful. They're a family-owned firm that never represents large corporations. Morgan & Morgan will take on the insurance companies so that you can focus on getting back to full health.

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there's... That tickled me so much. There's at least two of them. There are two Morgans, but there's only one Morgan and Morgan. there's at least two of them there are two morgans but there's only one morgan and morgan there's only one set of morgans that's right only one pair of morgans yes but yeah if you need an attorney morgan and morgan they're for the people i cooked a mock thanksgiving dinner last week go on it deep? Did you use the fryer outside?

I did everything. Yeah. That's what you normally do. The outdoors, deep fryer, full fucking 15 pound turkey. I did the dressing and the mashed potatoes and I did everything. I did the giblet gravy, which is a little gross if you've ever seen how that's made. You literally cook liver, hearts, necks. You dice that stuff up.

I think I'm going to leave the giblets out next time. My grandmother did it like that. Yeah. I don't care for it. I don't care for that part. It's a little chewy. It's mixed in. I diced it up very finely, but still, like, no more giblets for me.

But it went really well. I wanted to make sure that I had my – I was on my game for when the family came over on Thanksgiving. I did a Cajun turkey. What are you doing with the food? I didn't mean eat it, but isn't it a lot of food for one? I just made sandwiches all week, and we ate a lot of turkey sandwiches. And I didn't make a giant pot of mashed potatoes

or a giant pan of dressing. Me and my friend. Okay. And so we had a good time. I enjoyed the turkey a lot. I brined it in Cajun spices. I injected it with Cajun spices and then I rubbed it with Cajun spices.

So it was a spicy turkey. It was very tasty. It went real well. I love that outdoor deep fryer. I did a chicken a couple of weeks ago where I just took an entire chicken and just put it in there and deep fried that. You know, it could be an indoor deep fryer if you were feeling lucky. Yeah. Or suicidal. You know, I feel like you, like that time that there was one winter when

Wings of Redemption, his heat was out and he drugged the propane burner into his home and it was recreational which is dragged right like past tense of that it's like it's a regional thing and i thought you were gonna go with when you said drug i thought you're gonna be like drugged someone and i was really interested in this story and i'm like all right no but okay sorry okay. Sorry. Anyways, drag this in. He brought in a propane burner into his living room and started that bad boy up. And then he tweeted a picture of it. Like, hey, it's cold out, but keep it warm. And everybody's like, you're going to die.

You're going to die. Carbon monoxide. He was like, I know. I know. You know, the windows are open or uh some other excuse that you might believe like like no you didn't know i think twitter saved your life that day wings i don't what i don't understand the risk no i understand the risk intellectually right i understand okay it's all fumes i don't know the level of risk oh i see he would have died that

night how big was the heater? Have you ever seen one of the outdoor propane cookers? It's got that burner. Oh, it's almost like a Bunsen burner. Sure, I have some. It's a very large Bunsen burner fueled by a propane tank, and it's creating carbon monoxide gas all night long in a recreational vehicle. No way he survives.

You're calling this trailer home a recreational vehicle? Yes. Okay. I pictured something much smaller than this. He has fun in there, and if you slap wheels on it, it could go wherever you want. That's a recreational vehicle.

I hear you, but I got confused. So I know a guy who did have a problem. He was in a tent, and this guy was actually an expert camper. He was a Navy SEER or an Air Force SEER. Search, escape, maybe search. Rescue or something. I'm familiar with that.

Escape, evade, and rescue. Maybe something like that. Yeah. But if people don't know this job. No cooking in that title. He teaches other people like maybe they got shot down to that out of their airplane how to survive and escape and evade and get rescued right that's that's that's what he teaches and uh i guess he thought that he would light this

burner inside a tent and he woke up paralyzed he was like hardly able to move. And I'm projecting on here, but I've had a similar situation where I woke up terrified, like a night terror. And I'm just not fully woke. Are they in a relationship? Yeah.

We talked about it, right? No, I'm just guessing. Go on. Anyway, I've been analyzed. And he could hardly work the zipper he could barely and he was like he's moving over almost like doing the worm wiggling over to the zipper he managed to get his hand to open it inches and put his mouth to the opening of the tent and uh started to his body returned to him and that's a tent on the other hand uh when i was a little kid when we first moved to ocean city we had the house renovated at a level

that we had to move out and we lived in the smaller house and um we heated it with a kerosene heater it didn't have heat and like is that so different this kerosene what kind of kerosene heater it depends uh like was it like a unit that you different? This kerosene? What kind of kerosene heater? It depends. Like, was it like a unit that you just sat in the floor somewhere? Yes. Interesting. Yeah. I'm not an expert, but I do know that what he was doing would have killed him that night.

Hmm. There's so much gas being created. Do you know what a Mr. Buddy heater looks like? I'm going to know in about eight seconds. I i have the name right i think i do you do okay so this mr buddy heater which i'm about to share with the fancy people people use this in van life it's a popular choice and it's like this big you know bigger like that for audio guys maybe it's the size of a human skull and uh they use this inside a van on low it's kind of overkill okay let's circle back to that and i'm like you know if this doesn't insta kill you

i just don't i feel like i don't have a good grip on the level of risk I just don't, I feel like I don't have a good grip on the level of risk. Right? That's a fair question. If we heat it with a kerosene heater, which I've done, sleeping with it is extra risky.

This is why you have children. Test it out. I mean, like, they're going to sleep in the center. And you use them as parakeets, like, you know, like canary in the coal mine. That's what I'm going for.

Yeah, yeah. That's wrong. It's good good thinking that's why you have multiple yeah i'm reading up on this um let's see how do i open okay here we go let's see it's safe to use indoors and it's completely portable you don't need to worry about buying it yeah something about the mister i think maybe it filters the carbon monoxide out or something it literally is made for indoor heat that's the difference so there's something that's counteracting the impact of yes i wonder how they do that i'm learning um kind of interested kyle every hour and their shits are so big every time it's not possible animals it's almost like you could have avoided that voluntarily anytime

oh i i love them i i love my dogs they're great here's the here's what makes it safe the heater comes with a sensor that will cause the appliance to automatically shut off if the oxygen levels in the room drop too much this makes it it safer indoor use. That's what's up. What's that failure rate on that sensor? Good going. Less than the multiplier for class action loss. You know what that helps? That helps the aggregate. It doesn't help the individual one bit.

The Mr. Buddy folk, perfectly comfortable with the failure rate on those. That's right. So, Filthy, your wife is into van life? Yeah. Just the videos. Does she daydream of it? Sometimes in my hearing. Her most recent suggestion to me, which I told her would be pending on funding at some point.

She wants to do, she's a university professor. It's a job. She wants to do summers somewhere else. Van life to me works in a couple of ways. Weekends, right? And as a fantasy. There are... We're talking about vans again?

Well, hang in there. There are sex things that I think, for my world, exist better as fantasy than in reality, right? If we were to bring another person into the couple, that would fuck things up in ways that we would never recover from. But if that just happens in your head... I like that you know you. That's not for us.

What if we were just a child? Because then nobody gets jealous, really. And if you kill it afterwards, then it's kind of like a solved problem. If it survives, what we're going to do to it. That's a hardy child. Is there an island I could go to where they specialize in this?

Ah, there used to be. Ah, sucks. What do you want, Ben? Actually, don't get me started about that island don't you get me started about it one of the only things that kept me from killing myself was being able to take a nice little trip away to little saint james and man they they thought i had heart complications when I went into the hospital. I just got the clap from a Polish school girl. That's all it was.

It's like she already had it. My God. I mean, and I don't like being second to hit it, if you know what I mean. I like being the 49ers of pussy. You know, the first one out there where you're the one to get the initial goal. I feel like I would get a little bit more from it if I knew. If what? We lost you.

The accent, who is it? Oh, this is Bill Clinton. This is Bill Clinton right now. You're really doing damage to my accent. No, it's really good. The fact that you didn't even know who this was. That's on me. That's not on you. That's on me. Everybody should know. This is Bill Clinton. This's really good. The fact that you didn't even know who this was. That's not on you. That's on me. Everybody should know.

This is Bill Clinton. I'm trying to get Bill. I want to get... I'm watching The Simpsons now. I'm trying to get Simpsons voices down, but in season one, it is impossible. I sometimes practice accents driving in the car so that I can join in with you

guys. Thus far, there has been no improvement. This is my Bill Clinton accent. That's about right. This is my George W. Bush. Taylor is really good at these. Woody, in your defense, Taylor is really good. Taylor and Kyle are both really good. So it's not easy.

Kyle has his ones that are really good. It's like they're playing pro ball and I want to jump in. I'm just fucked. The more I learn about how I was as a kid from my grandparents, they'll be like, oh, Taylor, you remember that story where you were

making fun of how your first grade teacher sounded and you just did her so good. It was so funny. That's my grandma grandma she's from the south and like ever since i was a kid apparently i that's been my sense of humor is just making fun of people with voices and so i you know some people get really good at things that are useful and other people don't so they get acceptable on your way on your way to some sort of comedic slash you know public figure you're not there yet because you're you're doing a work you're doing a job as well but someday

well i'm hoping that all the voices will be through twitch just just right now so you know that all the voices on twitch that's going to help me you say it won't be on twitch but there are a lot of voices like i think he can do Clinton on Twitch. I think he can do... How's your body painting skills? Well, I don't have big tits, so it's not going to work. Have you considered trail mix? I've considered trail mix, but I put on weight in my belly like a fat person.

You can paint that and pretend it was a tit. This is the biggest my belly's ever made. Like a fat person. You can paint that and pretend it was a tit. Yeah. Don't do that. Are you an innie or an outie belly button? Because that's going to really matter. I have an innie. Otherwise it'd be a good nose. You got two nipples and a nose. That would be funny.

That'd be great. When I said I had night terrors and you said new relationship, what made you say that? I was teasing you about a commitment. About the relationship. Why? Where did you want to go with that? No, it was actually related to a burglary

and the relationship was a couple, it was new two, three years later. No, I was just purely taking a shot in the dark to give you shit. That burglar knew you were about to make a big mistake you never want to get locked down you never want to get locked down that's why the the only place i would do my little kid i thought lockdown was a prison reference and i'm like i'm not processing it hillary locked me down in the 80s hillary you wouldn't you wouldn't believe this in 1981 she raped me that's where you're wrong i do believe the result of this was chelsea and good

god if chelsea isn't the ugliest bitch i've ever seen in my entire life and i know she's my dog oh it was fucking terrible, my man. I fucking hated it. And you don't understand the strength of Hillary until you're with her in one-on-one combat. People were saying to me, oh, she ain't fit for the presidency. She's not well enough for it. Let me tell you this.

She had pinned me down. She physically pinned me down in 1981 and forced me to give her chelsea and the whole time i was saying can you imagine a baby that the two of us would make it's gonna be horrific when i told you i like a strong woman i meant literally when i said i wanted a strong, I wasn't talking about grip strength. She is as strong as the day is long, I tell you that much. I tried the cigar thing on Hillary.

It didn't work. It just got sucked right up there. It never came back. I don't know what the fuck's going on between those legs. Ruined a good cigar. She fucked me with it. It was a Kennedy original. No, no, no, no.

That's how I discovered I like sounding. Isn't there like a whole machine that snips cigars? I'm not a cigar smoker. There's a little pair of specialty scissors. I figured out later, I just stick it in her snatch and she could snap that cooter down like no one else could. She spit it out. She's actually the basis of that movie teeth have you heard did imagine getting married to hillary clinton that would suck especially when like even it's

so funny everybody's like bill is a rapist he's. And still there are people out there who are like, yeah, but he's kind of cool. Right? But he's cool. They say that about W. Yeah, on W. You said that about W. What would W do wrong? As far as W going, think about... He never personally waterboarded

anybody. We're not touche. You gotta see. Clinton is the guy who did the rape. They wouldn't trust me with the bucket of water. I kept spilling it. I drank that right down. At the time, there was like a big partisan sort of brouhaha about

water torturing. Torturing was a US CIA policy. Yeah, and God knows how many of us that torture saved Woody. You wouldn't be sitting here today if some random Pakistani... Isn't that the issue with torture? Everything I've ever read on torture...

You start waterboarding me, I'm going to tell you all kinds of stuff. It only works if you don't care about true honesty, and you only care about the confession. That's when it works. Bingo. That's all I care about. It doesn't seem that that useful no no we probably shouldn't it makes you feel powerful though i'm not i don't know i don't know how it works like

the the less like pain that's okay direct pain is not a very good thing for getting accurate truth no people just tell you fucking whatever i feel like if you know they don't know it might be but if but i don't know the well no right if if i'm trying to get you to tell me where bin laden is right whatever let's pretend that he's a place then uh uh and you don't know i'll get you to tell me if you do know i might get you to tell me like do you see where i'm going with that if i'm not sure you know then i then i could get i'm gonna get information that tell me like do you see where i'm going with that if i'm not sure you know then i then i could get i'm gonna get information that's why i green light you're gonna get told something to get the pain to stop yes that's what you're saying and you're saying that if it's if it's correct you might get correct if it's not you might get not i think that if you know i'll

likely get correct and if you don't know i'll likely get something else i hate saying this because this is one of these domains this is one of the domains that i probably don't know, I'll likely get something else. I hate saying this because this is one of these domains. This is one of the domains that I probably don't actually endorse research in, but probably there is a result from it. I bet you there is an answer to that. And I bet you it's not direct pain. Like some of these other deprivation shit seem like probably, you probably can, not we probably can, we know you can. That's what we did.

You can break people. What we did was we'd feed them like no what we did you can break people and one of the things we did was we'd feed them like no protein i guess that was no protein low sleep that was a way to break people like rock music blaring in a room that's incredibly bright people coming in and jostling you if they think you might have dozed off and then a little waterboarding a couple times a day and like we're like i feel like i tell you so desensitized to torture because you've seen saw and shit that they're like waterboarding pouring water over your face okay we're a little thirsty myself i can use a little right now i'm a little torched what was

it was it um hitchens who got who they did that on like i watched some like yeah and hitchens was like a fucking bitch with it like well he was like two seconds and he's like he was two seconds in he was like this is this is honestly horrendous i've done it before um i've been waterboarded or done waterboarding i've been been waterboarded. Which side were you on? I like that question. Well, he's talking to me. After I got a taste for it. Get a volunteer. I know you told us before.

It's awful. It's awful. It's horrific. You're afraid you're going to die. It feels like drowning. It feels like drowning. That's what it's meant to feel like. Your throat is full of water. As soon as you cough some up, there's more to replace it and you can just barely get these raspy wet breaths in what was that from why did you what

experience did you have that that was we're making a youtube video okay we decided not to use the footage because according to kitty it was quote horrific i wonder if it's horrific i don't care for it i i get frustrated when people like pump up their own badassery but i wonder if it's horrific i don't care for it i i get frustrated when people like pump up their own badassery but i wonder if a lot of experience in swimming and surfing bug on my screen would have me react differently to waterboard i think maybe you would i i would guess that you would i mean um i think some of these guys like like whoever you're describing who like two seconds in like was done like kitchens i i think we did like maybe 30 45 seconds and i was like all right we got the footage right because because i hate this this is the worst thing i've ever done i'm afraid and i'm

shaking and i'm wet and i i i'm still they should have given you an off-screen snorkel is a guy that quits three seconds if a guy quits three seconds in i worry he's some liberal reporter trying to prove that it's I worry he's some liberal reporter trying to prove that it's awful. Yeah, he's that same guy who talks about putting the AR-15 to his shoulder and describes it like he was just traumatized. Hitchens was more left-leaning, but also

he was gung-ho about the Iraq war. I think he's a pussy. I think he's a pussy. I think, or that, well, point proven. Point proven. Well, he's dead. I think, or that, well, what was a pussy? Point proven. Point proven.

Dude, only pussies die. Only pussies die of cancer. Oh, you said he was dead? I misheard this. Let me tell you what I just heard. You said, I think he's a pussy. And then I thought Taylor said, well, he's gay. And Kyle goes, point proven.

Oh, no. No, he's dead. He's dead. I don't, he's gay. And Kyle goes, point proven. Oh, no. No, he's dead. He's dead. I don't think he was gay. That's a reality that could have happened on this show. It's not funny to make fun of gay people. Plus, I don't think they're pussies. If anything, having sex with men is tough, right?

Yeah. It's pussies who fuck women, right? But if you fuck a dude. Have you guys heard the Trevor Noah skah skit on uh pussy being the wrong uh the wrong description of something weak oh yeah it can take a really fucking hilarious yeah yeah you should call someone a testicle if they're vulnerable yeah he uses yeah yeah okay yeah you should call them what's the most vulnerable part of your body? Your penis. No, I have a testicle.

Yeah, yeah, but the eyeball comes to mind as well. No, I don't know. What place if you get... See this bone in your body? This is literally there to protect your eyeball. Oh, I've talked about it before, about my haircutting experience, where I used to think it was funny they got right to the vulnerable part of you you know you know how when you lay your head back in that basin

yeah i used to think it was funny to keep eye contact with the person while they were washing my hair and i it wasn't even a bit for a show or anything it was just something that i thought was personally funny but i'd like to lay back what happened that disabused you of that notion oh i found out like oh it's actually kind of relaxing if i close my eyes and don't stare at the person oh i thought for sure the guy was gonna be like too much of you staring i thought it was gonna be like someone filed a fucking suit on him. No, no, no, no. But I, but haircutting story aside, I was there recently getting my haircut and usually they'll say to me like, Hey, do you want your beard trimmed?

Do you want your eyebrows trimmed? And I'll tell them, no, I'll take care of that at home. This time I was sitting there and like, even as they're cutting my hair. Now I keep my eyes closed. The reason at the time, the reason at the time was because I was on my last pair of contacts and I, I couldn't risk that, but I was,

I was closing my eyes, keeping them closed. And then I feel the woman take it on her own volition and put the little, uh, little comb through my eyebrows and start trimming them and i've talked about the progression kyle knows and woody as well where they'll ask do you want your eyebrows taken care of and i'll say no because i have a wild eyebrow up here that goes like crazy and this is the first time that the woman without asking me has assumed ah these are so treacherous they must be something he wants to take care of so she actually trimmed my eyebrows if they're

looking better let people the fact that my eyebrows right now are trimmed and they're still this thick like it tell her you don't have to maybe the right full fucking bullshit story you just tell us you cut your eyebrows man big deal yeah taylor it's okay we don't we don't think you know i wouldn't be able to do it with the precision she did with like the holding the the hair out and and zooming over it and then taking a precision razor razor and and getting the top part out my eyebrows suck you can't see my glasses on but look i feel sexier than ever i need some like Photoshop in real life. Like put the other half of my eyebrows in there. You see me rocking mascara on the eyebrows. I'll be one point sexier. If you told me with my glasses like this

to identify of the four screens where everyone is, I would literally only know because of the background. I can see a little bit of red for Kyle. I know that's his headphones i i can see the color behind woody i know that's that like pull up bar yeah the pull-up bar and everything i can see that blur and then if you didn't announce yourself filthy i would have no fucking clue who you were right now yeah not i do i do have a unfortunately it's still a small to medium stream so it does hit me right in the heart. You're just kind of melted.

You're just kind of skin color with a little bit of red at the bottom and a lot of green. There we go. We're back now. I took off my glasses to show my eyebrows, and it was like, huh. Can't really see them. I want to ask a question here because uh i've got a i'm thinking i might get a vasectomy soon

don't you don't deprive the world of little filthies shut your well i actually read her mouth it's funny you say that because like that like i have no desire for children not a single i don't have a i don't have a fatherly bone in my body. People like you get weeded out of the gene pool. Literally. That's my objection. That's the only reason I haven't done it yet. People like me and Woody are going to survive.

I hate the idea of losing that arm. Just the stupidest fucking idiot who wants to breathe. You don't lose it. A. Free semen. it look a free semen b donates donate semen then even if you if you're comfortable donating and just knowing there's there's a little you floating out there i don't give a shit about that do it uh okay i'm very confused i've never donated semen to anyone so filthy you said well you've done it a number of times i've done it for

monetary you said that you said that you hated being removed from the gene pool that this is one of your motivations for not getting a vasectomy and then you just said well give a shit about having offspring and that's where i'm lost fucking tears three donations i have no interest whatsoever in i don't want to have a child i don't want to have a child and raise a child etc i. I do feel some obligation to be like, shit, I'm a relatively intelligent human being. I should fucking put these genes back in for the betterment of humanity. Do you worry that humanity would get collectively very arrogant

if people like that kept going? No, I think that we can do so much worse than arrogant. All right, all right. But what if the kids are very funny? See? Yeah. so much worse than arrogant all right all right but what if the kids are very funny see yeah no and i hear that like i i understand like i'm not i'm not literally sitting there going like fuck i have to get my jeans in the pool or the fucking species is fucked or i feel like i feel like i'm skirting a duty on some level idiocracy would happen if you didn't breed well i mean what is happening i'm one person you feel like it's like i don't feel like that i don't feel like that on the sense of like the

scale is wrong oh you think you're gonna outweigh us we steal organs yeah right the scale is wrong on that but there's some level i feel like okay am i being am i am i avoiding a duty am i skirting something that i should should do yes by considering that no it's like it's it's a duty like fucking like opening a door for a random person uh tomorrow that that's about as much impact dude that's probably gonna have third take on that it's literally the only reason any of us were here it's the only reason any of us are the only reason any of us are here is's the only reason any of us are the only reason any of us are here is because our parents fucked is what i'm saying but stop stop stop you're telling me that you believe that your genes the the propagation of your genes somehow define you i've always had

a suspicion that some of my ancestors were virgins it's it's defined every single species throughout time no who reproduces and who doesn't it literally has that's evolution you're telling me that okay sure but what you're telling me is that should impact my decision and i stop with you there i don't disagree that my genes to have gotten to me have been passed on i don't disagree with you there whatsoever of course i disagree with that yeah but to to then make the make the next step that i am because of that i ought to pass my genes on why i think you're a smart guy and your genes should be passed on that's a different also subjective if you don't feel like your genes are worthy of being passed

on then don't do it well that's a different that's okay okay. Okay. No, I've said a douchey trap with that one. Checkmate. He's had three different arguments in the last three sentences. Maybe you're just not man enough. That's the hesitation for me. It's like, do I not... Should I not, at least on some level, like... You know, it feels a little selfish to be like,

I don't want this for myself. Should I just not do it? It feels a little... You should do what you think is right for you i feel like you'd be doing a bad thing for humanity if you were to create more gingers look he's not a ginger though he's a he's a day walker here's the thing like ladies who ladies who go to like yes ladies who go to like get sperm for their baby they they often see like a description of who they're getting that sperm from, right? I'd love to have some of your filthy sperm. That's a little salty, but it's not bad.

You've got credentials is what I'm saying. It's very likely that if you donate, you will. What do they do for that? I don't know this process. So tell me about this process. Do one of you know? Like, what do I do to do this? I want to donate sperm. You just go to the place and say hey i'm i'm here for uh

for i'm dropping off if you're a caucasian male you can pretty much donate sperm at will because it's very in high demand especially i think the highest in demand sperm on earth is like dutch men because they're they're very tall and i have a number of viewers and a huge number of tomorrow yeah a huge number of asian people like chinese people want that sperm and so it's like in very high demand it's 50 bucks a pop and 20 bucks extra if they use it can i donate that to a charity can i would you want to fucking do that? Donate it to me. I don't want to be compensated. Again, this is...

It's $1,000 a month, Filthy. Are you going to get more? Is there going to be some morality? $1,000 a month? I'm not even a fucking kid. It's not going to cost me $1,000 a month to donate sperm. No, you're going to get paid $1,000 a month. So the website I'm on

says 95% of sperm donations are rejected. It's simple math. Mongolia is looking for big-headed white donors. No, they're not. But that's what I would provide. Do you want to have an enormous head

so i was just curious for the sake of the show what were your takes on the idea of so what are you at your father i am a father you've spoken about in the past and enjoying we lost you for a second there uh what are your takes on uh Him being a father. Oh, okay. Oh, how do I enjoy being a father? I'm sorry. If I cut out during that, I don't know why I cut out. It's a Discord thing, I think. Can I jump in before he answers?

It's a Discord thing. You want to slide a bar all the way to the left. I did slide that last time I was on. Yeah, you should be good. Look, you can't ask any father how they feel about being a father and get a straight answer, alright? So, so, so, no, no, no. You could ask me if I was a father and I'd be like,

maybe I, I'm voting for late-term abortions, baby. Like, I'm thinking in the 87th month, something like that, because, no. The 15th trimester, we're gonna get rid of this little little fucker like like like like of course woody is proud to be a father and loves being a father because he's genetically predisposed to have those feelings it's chemicals inside of him that make him love his children and even afterwards but this is taylor's argument that i disagree with right

taylor says uh all of all of us have been here because this happened, therefore we must, but we're more than the sum of the chemicals for that. So what he could, for example, reflect on that above and beyond the fact that he has chemicals pushing him towards it. He could intellectualize that. He could make a statement about that that wasn't just purely the fact that he feels this way. He could intellectualize it. I want to hear that. All right. So the reason I always thought I had credibility on this father experience, cause I've been very honest about having a preference for the kid sex when before hope was born, I wanted a boy, right? That was the thing. I don't know. I didn't have any kids. I didn't know what I was doing. And I wanted a boy. And when I also felt like I would, I was confident it would be a boy

unwarranted confidence i'm sure but it was just like you know what i'm a luckier guy than that i wouldn't have a girl and that that was like when she was born it was a surprise this is so horrible she's gonna watch it but like it was i was like i can't fix this there's no changing it there's no there's like this is a permanent thing that i like you know welcome to 2019 where that's not true anymore. Yeah, right. But I was like. Tell her it's not too late.

I was like, you have a car accident. And 18 months later, that's kind of just a history. Who cares, right? You know, like, you have a car accident. It feels terrible right now, but that's a problem that's very short term. That changed. Over the course of, like, the first two years of her life i fell so in love with this daughter of mine that okay that that's worrisome but the the falling in love part because i'm kind

of curious why why did you fall in love with her oh okay so i think you're like hey this is a chemical thing that's not yeah uh logical i'll argue that it's not and i say that because for the first six months it like i didn't bond like people supposed to it worried me that i didn't bond because uh she didn't do anything she didn't say anything she didn't earn my affection baby worthless a puppy that doesn't even wag its tail luggage you have to carry everywhere that also leaks right that is what a very young kid was like for me never heard that before that's a pretty good statement but when you bring her when she you know say post six months and she starts responding to you i might have my dates

wrong make it nine a year it doesn't matter but um by two years now we're a team right at two years in she likes me she likes me more than strangers she responds to me i put her in a laundry basket push her around on the carpet did you have a lot of friends yeah some friends like as a you're talking about like as a young parent i'm i'm poking at you for the fact that why does it matter that she liked you because that's the health bonds are formed right like if you didn't like me at all we probably wouldn't make good friends but and when she didn't respond to me at all like i felt like we didn't make good friends it wasn't until you smiled isn't it about isn't it about you no it's about us yeah but is it about you if if she's not interesting until she does something with you

how would you describe any other relationship like if a girl gave you the cold shoulder it didn't return any affection no no i definitely agree that wouldn't be something interesting for me but i'm kind of curious like yeah so the reason that i lay this out i i feel like this leads to my credibility on parenthood assessment because i didn't just naturally like oh the day she was born there it was that's a chemical reaction not a bond um so i think kyle wants a new topic we can switch no no i love your topic i'm just playing my little dog here no no he's he's going i want to hear yeah i don't want to switch i don't switch want to switch. I really don't. I just want my dog.

So anyway, a couple of years in, we formed the bond. By the time I was having my next kid, I wasn't sure I wanted a boy. It was like, and I was worried, like, how is this next kid ever going to live up to the bar that the first one set? And that was my initial thing to parenthood. As things go on, kind of like, i like old relationships more than new ones like with regards to girls and stuff like what jackie and i have is so deep and old sounds like a negative word but like solid and formed it's bedrock matured matured nuanced you know like like there are no secrets there there's no drawer i mind if she opens nope like my we have the same phone password like like it's all cool um i checked

one of my fingerprints might be hers i don't know but like there's no secrets anywhere it's all open it's all like there's a bond there that you don't have with like a new relationship and uh um i feel like kids get that to be you get that with kids too it's no longer about the smiles or whatever it's sort of a a longer this relationship never ends kind of family that we're forming you know and uh and i like that we have our own little team woodworth against the world sort of thing that's cooking hope had a i'll bet a car accident last night i try not to talk about hope she had a minor little fender bender uh it was her fault no one was hurt but she she had a car accident and uh you know it was just like it's okay girl we're gonna get through

this you know this oh you forgive her john jones makes a little whoopsie and he's the enemy of the state she did not run from the scene or break a pregnant woman's arm or anything like that john oh john returned he had to dispose of his cocaine obviously why do you keep painting him in this bad light touche um uh You poke your eyes out. But yeah, she had a little fender bender and she called me. She was upset. It was like, alright, we can do this. This is going to be okay. And I was there for her. And that kind of stuff is like part of the long-term deal that you form with the family.

That like, alright, even though you made a mistake, it's still you and I. And I like that that exists in my world. That's how all my relationships are. That's how it should be. That's how I am with my family. It's like, we're in this together.

And a lot of my friendships, too. It's like, you and me, Woody had a conversation the other day. Loyalty is important in all facets of life, in all relationships, I should say. Whether it's you and your fucking dog, or you and your friend, or you and your wife, or you and your girlfriend.

Honesty and loyalty are... Honesty first. It's better to be honest than loyal, I think. At least then you can be honest about the disloyalty. I mean, Tywin lannister taught me that that's right that's right i have some processing to do on all this yeah you take that over it'll come to you um yeah i think loyalty is a huge attribute i don't think anyone would argue that or i wouldn't argue that anyway it depends due to definition of loyalty and you know predefined

things i don't think so whatever youdefined things. I don't think so. Whatever you think. I mean, I don't think anyone's going to argue that loyalty... I don't think anyone would argue that loyalty is a positive thing. So if you want to tell me your definition differs than mine, I bet you we both find it a positive thing. No, I just think that your definition of what... or your opinion of what constitutes disloyalty

might differ from some others. That's all I'm getting. And that can vary within different relationships as well. Different types of relationships, I agree. Sure, for sure. And relationships with different people. Yeah, man.

For sure. Yeah, so that's what parenthood has been for me. At first it was just like I don't know. Me and this two-year-old girl that was my daughter were like new friends and now me and this two-year-old girl that was my daughter were like new friends and now me and this 20 year old girl that's my daughter are you know old friends and and solid teammates yeah i'm happy for you that's what you want like you want to be teammates and

friends with your kids once they get to that age because i mean i look at it from like the inverse side where like being the kid to the parent okay where you know when you're 14 you fucking hate your parents you're like god they they suck they don't get it they don't get what i'm trying to do with my life and then i felt like by the time i was in like the middle of college i'd come back and be like god damn mom and dad you guys actually had some pretty dope shit to tell me. Like you, you were giving me good advice that I was, you know,

shirking because I was being an arrogant prick, but you know, probably each kid is their own way. So I still want to have kids. I know Kyle does not filthy. I think you should don't snip your, don't snip your bits. You know, you I think you should. Don't snip your bits. You know, you...

Don't snip your bits. It's not a big deal to do. Look, first of all, you can reverse it. It's possible. There can be complications. Do you know how stressful three vasectomies are? Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip Steve Sapp! Steve Sapp! Steve Sapp! Steve Sapp! Where is that from? Michael Scott. He said, you didn't want kids. So I got another vasectomy.

And then he said, you might want kids. So I got the vasectomy for two. Do you know how much stress there is on a man with three vasectomies? Steve Sapp! Steve Sapp! Just freeze your sperm. Just freeze your sperm. That's the solution to that whole fucking thing. Are you sure that's not expensive in the storage?

I can't imagine with that. Well, here. First of all, it's a vial in a freezer somewhere, so the storage can't be expensive. Let me see. I didn't realize there were needs for special storage because the two liter I have of cum is worth it. No, I assume that it has to be at the right temperature.

There's an at-home kit. But you need it on an uninterruptible power supply. You joked about it, Taylor. Taylor, there's an at-home kit. You're kidding yourself. I have it for streaming. That's pretty funny. I just got to plug my comfrey.

All right, so they'll do a sperm analysis for $200, all right? Alright, so they'll do a sperm analysis for $200, alright? They'll do analysis and they will hold onto your shit for 10 years. Two grand. Two deposits, up to 12 vials. So, Filthy, you're married.

I have to fill 12 vials with just two deposits? So, where does your wife stand on the baby things? My wife has always held the position that she does not have strong preferences either way. Oh, no. How old is she? I'm not confused, but

I don't think she is lying about this. She's not lying. She meant what she said when she said it. She says that regularly. How old is she? 35. They made it to me.

Has there been a discussion between the two about who's more intelligent? And if so, is anyone overly defensive? Neither of us are overly defensive about that. Yeah. You're going to want to freeze those sperm. Why? What does that mean to you? What did you just hear?

His cum is going to be fine until he's like 60. I want to hear what you just heard, Kyle. My personal opinion is that you believe, and no, no, you know that you're more intelligent than she is. But you would never say such a thing because you love her so, so much. And you appreciate so many things about her and so many nuances about her personality.

And you find her to be more intelligent than many people. Than almost anyone else you know. You find her to be top tier, many people, than almost anyone else you know. You find her to be top tier, but you're like, but I'm me. She, however, is a little worried that she's not as intelligent as you. She knows she's not. She used to think that maybe she was, but over time she's gotten to know you, and now she knows that she's not quite as intelligent as you. But she has changed her mind, as all women do, about such things like that.

Not all women. That's not fair. All women. Almost all. About having the children. I think that originally, she probably told you five to eight years ago, no strong opinions,

and maybe she repeats that every 18 months. But she would never want to admit that she had changed her mind, because that would hammer home a bit of this whole who's the big brain it becomes concerning when someone tells you I'm open to either

because you go well you probably have a preference but you're not expressing it chocolate or vanilla either way motherfucker they don't have swirl here you need a pick I mean i think you should come in your bitch yeah you know let me do that i think you should blow a load on her titties

no it's all sorts of birth taylor in fact all sorts of birth controls let you do that without making her pregnant i don't know if you know this you are from the fucking midwest and you're young so this may not be clear to you yet but all sorts of birth controls allow you to in fact come in her without impregnating her you mean there are methods other than the pull out i feel like it's much more fun first choose your wines then first choose the wines i like that you can choose your pull. This is a man who can't decide what kind of wine he likes, yet he's rock solid on having babies. Making new human beings. Yeah.

Church of Kyle, stay strong! A thousand years, the Church of Kyle. A thousand years! A fourth Reich of the Church of Kyle! How the fuck is the Church of Kyle gonna last more than your lifetime? The Church of Kyle's gonna last! We will live? Kyle, I want to respond to this. The Church of Kyle is going to last. We will live on forever.

You will live on exactly one lifetime. If I don't respond to this, I do not do my wife credit due for this. Is that I trust her to tell me what she thinks about this. Of course you do. I do. We've been together fucking nine or ten years now. And this woman is fucking incredible. She is super loyal super intelligent

super communicative and i think the world of her and if i could not trust her to tell me this opinion then that would be a huge fucking problem so you might be right there may be different things than exactly what she's expressing there may be sentiments for that but i don't have a choice but to operate on the assumption that this is what she's depicting is actually what she means do you ever have a serious talk about it yeah you do okay about to have one later tonight you know what no you should do to be whiskey is just bust inside and then see her response. Sounds like great advice so far. He's been busting inside. He's a goddamn responsible adult. He uses birth control. Have you not been listening

to the man? I think there's an IUD in the This man has 150 IQs. Does she have an IUD? We're on condoms right now. Oh, condoms are terrible. We're on an IUD for like seven years or something. It's condoms now and probably a vasectomy in the near future. There you go. I think just bust inside and without condoms so far go on yeah yeah bust inside she

gets preggers and then you decide do i want to keep this little little little baby what you want to do is go to your local abortion clinic mine's right next to it my local abortion clinic happens to be right next to a Quiznos the same the same guy owns them both does the punch card work on both? that's where I'm headed to Miss Woody

one more abortion and I get one for free makes sense or one more sandwich I mean worst case scenario is you get a philly cheese steak and go home no worst case scenario is i have a child do we not listening to any of this well no i was saying like if you're popping by the abortion clinic you can get a philly cheese steak on the way home well she probably won't have much of an appetite after but i have a theory about why the meat's so cheap there that's that's that's actually is quiznos getting eliminated right now because i haven't seen a

fucking quiznos in forever they are they're going downhill and look i look oh wait that's not but i don't like quiznos subway i like schlotzky ass. Schlotzky's is what's good. Of course Schlotzky's can't compare. You ever get the number one from Schlotzky's? You know what they put on that shit? Olive paste. Sounds disgusting. No, olive paste is fucking phenomenal. Amazing. It's probably just really vinegary.

Savory, delicious, goes so well with that honey ham. It's a real winner. Olive paste. I've got a craving for pickle juice right now. Might be pregnant. You do love pickle juice. I do. I tell my wife that from time to time, Woody. I joke with her. Do you now. Might be pregnant. You do love pickle juice. I do. I tell my wife that from time

to time, Woody. I joke with her when I'm pregnant. Do you do that thing where you spritz it on the bread? Yeah, we've talked about this. You do. I was literally... I don't know that one. This plays into Kyle's hand. He sprinkles his sandwich bread with the pickle juice and then eats the sandwich. It gives it a nice little... Oh, that's good. Yeah, you get a little bite there. I like vinegars.

I like vinegar on all my sandwiches. Oh, I love vinegar on my sandwiches. Yep, yep. Get that on there. A little oil and vinegar. I get eyes because I ask for malt vinegar every I love vinegar on my sandwiches. Yep, get that on there. A little oil and vinegar. I get eyes because I ask for malt vinegar every time I go to a can. Y'all making me so goddamn hungry. How much time we got left here, Woody? Four hours, seven minutes. I just thought we were on a roll. We are on a roll, so we should just keep going. Five hours!

No, not that. Kyle is like, we're done. We are done! Five hours, right? Kyle that. Kyle is like, we're done. We are done. Five hours, right? We are done. I want to get back to you. Kyle, what's the game? Kyle would like this. It was literally three nights ago.

I was taking a hot shit in my master bathroom, and my girlfriend had been in the other bathroom, and then she came out, and she was standing outside, and I was pooping. I was like, hey, are you in there? I was like, Hey, are you in there? And I was like, yeah. And she'd been having like some nausea and was like, I just took a pregnancy test. And I was like, okay, keep me, keep me posted on how this goes.

And then from like me through the door as she, as she's there, like I'm like wiping my ass and she's there, I'm wiping my ass and she's like, oh, we're good. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, then everything we've been doing is fine. Oh, we're good is an interesting response, right? Because now we know how good is defined.

Did you ask what good meant? Tell me you're not one of those fucking idiots who says, I'll leave it to chance. Oh, you're talking one of those fucking idiots who says, I'll leave it to chance. That's literally what he's doing, Filthy. Fuck you. That's a great response. I thought it had been made clear. No birth control at all.

Only pulling out. He's known this girl a year and a half. What a fucking idiot. We don't even know. Pulling out is more effective than you're getting a credit for. It's the people who say they pull out, but only pull out midway through.

He's laughing because he don't. No, it's probably like... What color are her eyes? No, probably like green or blue brown. She's dark haired. That's the best way. If you're ever trying to steal some guy's lady friend,

I bet he doesn't even know what color your eyes are. We never know what color their eyes are! We never know! You don't memorize that kind of thing? That's what you have wrong. I have a video of her sucking my dick. Eye contact all the way through. She looks right at the camera. I know exactly what color her eyes were. You really showed that. have a video of her sucking my dick yeah prove it taylor bullshit

you know if you want to kick off your live streaming with a bang upload that you don't have birth control and you're just leaving it to chance please tell me no no i'm not i'm not busting aside i have phenomenal uh penal strength pre-come motherfucker people pregnant right you do come has never gotten anyone pregnant according to me you have two children you can't be like we've never gotten anyone pregnant it's literally gonna be like five pkas from now where i'm like well yeah it happened if that happens i'm gonna send you my quiz my quiz nose card next it will be this one's on me jesus the number of people we know uh like friends of ours couples of ours who have been like

oh we're just gonna leave it to chance see what happens you know what that is that is you know what happens by chance when a male and a female fuck uh the guy comes you've children that's not that risky because we only we only fuck every single night so it's not yes We're never going to have fun with Taylor again. Taylor's streaming career from November 2019 to December 2019. I got two years of probation here. 2019 to later November.

I got two years of probation here and a felony conviction, but at least I'm not locked down. He's about to get 18 i don't even know it tiller's fucking streaming career because of children he's got the da living in his house right now and she's about to put the fucking hammer down 18 to 20 for you it's an interesting mentality quarter million in financial restitution you're gonna you're getting it worse than i have you can fuck your girl without a condom and fucking not get pregnant? That's a really

interesting mentality. That's called stupidity. Oh! Get him! Oh! You got me, bitch! I see Taylor as a guy who wants kids. I think it's pretty obvious he wants kids.

You've already got the dogs! Wait, that's filthy. I didn't hear your words. You want kids when you want them. Oh, the dogs wait that's filthy i didn't hear your words first of all the dogs kids when you want them oh i think he does want them i i to me i know i'm not saying he doesn't my point is why are you pretending if you want children why are you pretending it's random it isn't random if you have sex repeatedly with someone without contraceptives you will have a child unless one of you are fucking incapable of that. Well, I mean, we'll just kind of see how it goes. Yeah, see, Phil, this is just a different way of saying we're trying.

Kyle has already told me that he wishes that I'm sterile. If I had a magical spell, like, Anconis Infertilis, and he'd be doing it with the kindness of his heart. a magical spell. And Connors and Fertilis. And he'd be doing it with the kindness of his heart. And the reason Connors would do it is he'd be like, I want to hang out with my friend Taylor and get high in Colorado. You're not going to be funny if you have kids.

You're going to be Jim Gaffigan. You're going to be Jim fucking Gaffigan. That's the comedy. I am not sure it could be louis ck killer i want to clarify i don't give a shit if you have children in any way trying to knock that but i am trying to knock the idea that you will continue to do something that has an outcome that's that's known from the action and pretend that it doesn't have a known outcome that i'm pretty good at the pullout right yeah but pre-cum i'm not one of them yeah

yeah pre-cum can and pulling out when you're close to orgasming means you're post pre-cum so you're a rational human being who's not a fucking idiot so rationalize that oh yeah i'll show you the pullout the pullout method is effective 78 of the time boom that's amazing 78 it's a certainty when in reality it should take him five years to make a c's get degrees so that's right what you'll say to your daughter is you're a gentleman C. Oh, man. Oh. Yeah, that'll be great.

I think my kids are going to watch this podcast. On a podcast. The first time your daughter says, Daddy, Daddy, how did I come to be? You're like, well, I busted your mom. Sweetie, do you know what reverse cowgirl is? You're like, well... I posted it on your mom. This is the message I pulled out. Sweetie, do you know what reverse cowgirl is?

This is a message to Taylor's future and inevitable daughter. Yep. And inevitable. Hi! These are the first faces you'll ever see, and you'll regret that for the rest of your life. Honey, you're not on purpose, but you are loved. It's not me.

That's a good message. Hey there, little Miss Teresinko. I know you think your daddy loves you, but you were a pull-up baby. He loves fucking much more than he loves you. Wow. That's not what that means. He's made a conscious decision that he wants to be. Thank you, Woody.

He has it. Like a person who commits suicide. I understand exactly where's made the decision hey this is no fuck him he this is like somebody who's this is like fuck him he does not get that value the guy who makes it the guy who jumps off a bridge at some point looked at the water different kind of suicide and said i'm gonna fucking die yeah this is the suicide guy who gets out the revolver. This is the suicide guy who gets out the revolver, puts one in the chamber, goes, click. Not today, I guess. The coolest guy.

So I'm the coolest guy. You guys are evaluating him by his words, and I'm evaluating by his actions. He's made a decision. I do want kids at some point. I don't think you're point you're wrong but i always wonder how conscious that decision is i mean it's a tentpole topic on the show so it's pretty conscious i think like this is not the first time he's had this confrontation why is he not admitting it well that's curious admitting what i like what why what are we talking why are we trying while saying we're letting jesus oh no no no i'm not trying oh you're kind of trying you are you're actively trying

i'm not busting in her that's the dumbest thing i've heard tonight and we've talked about a lot of subjects 78 effective filthy 78 that's so fucking bad you're insulting the bulk of my academic career right now you know that would you drive at a 78% safety rating yeah I do all the time I'm protected really

you say this to me without fucking joking that you would drive at a 78%? No, of course not. But I don't think it's actually 78. I feel like those are the numbers for guys who are like right about to fucking bust and then they pull out. I'm pretty careful. I'm pulling it out and then I'm coming somewhere else.

I like pushing this. This is hurting me right now Physically hurting me I'm like I know this guy is not the dumbest Filthy is a deacon A what? A deacon A religious figure deacon?

Yeah in the church of Kyle In the church of Kyle Well you've just got some authority Not really It's just a glorified usher. Arian Foster is like the guy playing the jazz piano in the corner. There's a lot of members in the Church of Kyle. I want a spot in the Church of Kyle.

No, I know I'm not. Satan. Right? I was hoping for Satan, but it seemed like too much to ask for. You are Lucifer, the morning star. You are the antithesis of everything and all that we believe. That's what I was hoping for all along.

Married, stayed monogamous, and reproduced. Four out of four. Four strikes, you're out. What it probably is, is after two years of doing this approach and not having any problems, I'm probably just sterile yeah i think that's that's much more well no he's good he's a top tier puller outer so remember i don't know i've told you this before my mother don't analyze you for 200 bucks

on that side my mother's a fucking midwife and i did this one christmas i did the math with her i talked to her about like you know uh percentage of like conception of like stillbirth and the rest of it i don't fucking remember the number but it was horrifying it was basically like are you insane use it not using protection if you don't want a child not using protection is insane condoms hurt and they're uncomfortable and i don't come well and I'm still not doing that. Then don't use fucking condoms. There's like a billion other conception methods. Even a diaphragm would make me feel a little safer.

For you. You know what? I'm gonna buy a diaphragm of my own. It'll protect you from this. I'm gonna sneak it into her pussy while she's asleep. What? Alright, I've said my piece.

Is there any downside to an IUD? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be going on this phone. No, no, you're fine. Am I saying it wrong? It's IUD internal... I like it. I always think of it as an IUD. Like an improvised IUD. Improvised uterine device. Yeah, it's very

painful going in for a lot of women um but it's fucking great it's like 10 years of protection i can feel it with the tip of my penis they have sure and you can find the strings too if you look for it you can find that's what i feel if they get the copper kind you can feel it on your cock while you're fucking it's the right any of the kinds you can feel on your cock when you're fucking. It's the regular, any of the kinds, you can feel. You know what else you can feel in your cock when you're fucking? The child downstairs. Are you fucking retarded? This one's gonna have a dinner head.

Oh yeah, it's a little worse right now, but I don't have a child. Taylor's like, that is gonna be a big head, I guarantee it. I can feel every, yeah,

no, yeah, I'm pumping those big headed, retard genes, right in there. All right. Let's lay off, Taylor. I'm not going to give you any more shit ever again about

your pull-out. No, no, no. I feel like we overstepped just a little bit, so I apologize if we did. Not at all. You're all good. Yeah, you say those things, but I'm not going to give you any more shit. You know how we feel.

I'm going to make a bet. Well, from Kyle, it's so sweet because I can tell all of Kyle's concern is like, I can't get high with my friend anymore. He can't do it anyways. He's legally obligated not to. My probation will be over soon enough. I won't be able to get high with my friend.

You guys lack faith in his pull-out ability? I'll take this. I bet he livestreams before he gets pregnant. I don't give a shit about how good his pullout ability is. You literally just told me it was a 78% chance. That includes people who don't have his pullout skills. Sure. That's a C+.

Let's give him 10% on that. Let's say he's the best pullout fucking champion in the world he might give me 88 okay dude you also don't consider the fact that every single pka i have a i have a space heater on under the desk which is ruining my sperm absolutely unless it's powered by plutonium and uh you probably take some sort of um lifting supplement i don't know like i don't give a shit like the point being like if you want to avoid the outcome be aware of what goes into that yeah i i soak my balls in 110 degree water for an hour every day and then after i'm done with that i flog them merciless mercilessly i drink whiskey six nights a week i kill that fucking shit in. And that has nothing to do with the fertility. I just enjoy that. Same.

Alright. Where can everybody find me? I put the cock ring around my testicles and they're dead. Oh god, I fell off last week. Oh god, what have I done?

It's a castration method. Check out Filthy Robot over on Twitch. He is always streaming Oh, God, what have I done? It's a castration method. Oh, the blues whiz. Check out Filthy Robot over on Twitch. He is always streaming some fun, very interesting games. A noted intellect in the online gaming community. Very fun to watch him think his way around his opponents and master games quickly, efficiently, proficiently, and impressively. Wow, thank you very much.

It's very fun to watch very very fun to watch uh filthy out there uh i i watch him at least an hour a week you know i've been on twitch a lot but whenever i'm on twitch i tune in see if you're on and i check you out if you are so check him out i'm a big fan always have been uh was that off the cuff or did you have that prepared all right just that was outstanding, Kyle. That was very nice. I really appreciate that. Well, thank you.

And check out our sponsors. They're all linked down below. And everyone, cross your fingers and pray to me, as your Lord and Savior, that Taylor doesn't get his girlfriend pregnant. Or if you want to pray to Satan that he does have a baby, that'd be hilarious. If we can just let Taylor let us know what he wants from that. We can pray for that. But we don't know.

I want a baby at some point. Not yet. But if it happens, I want that baby. That makes perfect sense. PKA. Episode 466. I'm going to seal team 6 that baby. You're going to murder my baby. I'm going to send a seal team six with a fucking shop vac

some propofol over to your house and you'll never know what happened night vision goggles coming in black hawk helicopters the most efficient baby murdering unit on the planet second only the u.s military