Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #468

Episode Date: December 14, 2019

In this week's PKA, our comic buddy Steve Hofstetter is back from his European Tour and he gives the boys details of his travels throughout the continent, the lads share stories from the few times they ran away from home as children and Joe Biden says some bat shit crazy stuff and continues to be a buffoon so they discuss that and the latest happenings on the Democrats 2020 campaign races.

So PKA 468 with our guest, Steve, Kyle, a couple of sponsors tonight, uh, net gear, square space, smart mouth. And of course, Morgan and Morgan level up your recovery after a crash or other injury. Morgan call Morgan and Morgan, the personal injury firm. That's for the people. Morgan and Morgan has recovered billions of dollars for people and hiring them

is 100% free unless you win. Forthepeople.com slash PKA for a free case review today. Give them a call. Now, did you say billions with a B? Right, billions is so much. Billions with a B. That is, these guys make Robin Hood look like a bitch. Oh, oh, not even close.

Not even in the same league. Do you mean Robin Hood, the stock trading company, or Robin Hood, the guy with the tights? Take your pick. I assumed both. The guy with the bow and arrow. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Morgan and Morgan.

Firing those arrows off all willy-nilly in the forest. I mean, being an archer would have been the move back then, right? And you could lie about it and be like, no, dude, I'm just into precision and long distance precision and i got so many how many did you get like 30 45 i don't mean to be a you know captain bone spurs but waiting from the way back seems like the way to do it charging in with the sword yikes unless like like the cavalry comes around and then like kind of like in Braveheart when all the longbowmen are there

and they just get absolutely raped behind enemy lines, then it wouldn't be fun. If that happens, probably everyone's doing poorly. I feel like you could play dead on one of those old-timey battlefields and nobody would fucking know the difference. You just bring your pig blood and your little pig blood jar

and as soon as things start looking bad, you dab a little of that on your neck and just fall out. The secret to our success, boys, is to always anticipate defeat. I'm with Steve, though. On TV, they run around and stab all the bodies. That's how they did it. But also, I think the worst would be

to be one of the people playing the instruments that they... That guy's supposed to get a pass, though. I think the worst would be to be one of the people playing the instruments that they said about a band. And then you were just in war. That guy's supposed to get a pass, though. You think they cared? I think it was like, like, like, like, it depends how far back you go. I feel like battle used to be more and more honorable the farther back you go.

Oh, I dropped it. This is the flag guy. Oh, but the end's a bit pointy. He struck me with his loot, yeah yeah no you i would definitely want to be a guy with a weapon definitely right just not there's any way you could bitch out of that battle i'm down for it honestly like medieval combat seems ancient combat in general anything with a melee weapon or whatever seems fucking terrifying what would it take for you to like fight a war now like would it because for me it would take soldiers in

my kitchen and even then i'd be like can i make you a sandwich or something guns no we're talking guns and shit yeah like currently now because obviously none of us have enlisted. So currently now, even at our ages, what would it take for you to decide I'm in? I mean, none of us have enlisted, but some of us have stolen valor. And that makes me closer. But yeah, I guess you're kind of right. Like if people were marching through your neighborhood, you know, invading the country, like kind of, you know, what was that? October?

No, not red October. Yeah. What's the fucking movie? But if they were marching through like a nearby neighborhood, you would be like, I still got time. No,

I'd be like, we need to fight over there before they get them over here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're in Springfield, Missouri. I'm going to,

I'm going to let them handle it. They'll probably assume that they were already hit. It's like when Loki says, you must be truly desperate if you're coming to me for help. That's how I feel. If they start enlisting like 46-year-olds still with one bad hand, like this war is fucked. What if they need paratroopers? Paratroopers? Oh, yeah.

That does sound like fun. All right, I'm in. We need the Nightwing Woody. Could you come back one more time? This baby goes upwards of 26 miles per hour. Woody's like, I got my wings a long time ago. You're not getting me back in there, Colonel. They say he doesn't even need that eye patch.

He just likes the way it looks. I mean, I'm in St, Colonel. It's like they say he doesn't even need that eye patch. He just likes the way it looks. I mean, I'm in St. Louis. It's going to take a long lot of cities have to get conquered before it gets to me. And so once I see that like Russia's going to win and we've been defeated, I'm going to make sure that when they show up at my house, I'm watching like the replay of the miracle on ice. I'm like, God damn it. Fucking

biggest. Am I right, guys right guys ah sucks you should probably say it in russian though that's not bad it was the same it's the same way like people people asked me about like the fires in la like my mother was freaking out and I was like, yeah, I'm five miles from it. And she was like, that's not very far. I was like, it's five miles of dense city. Do you know what kind of national tragedy

it would have to be for it to reach me? It would have to wipe out half of Los Angeles. LA deeply regretting the use of cheaper but flammable concrete. Yeah. The homeless problem has plummeted over the last five hours. Yeah, be like, well, it turned out

things didn't get on fire, but the LAPD for some reason shot us all anyway. Yeah, all the roof Koreans are coming out. Oh, not the roof Koreans. With those mustaches? Those are the hardiest of Americans. Those guys, I think it's cool

how during the LA riots, the roof Koreans who were like, I'm protecting my knockoff 7-Eleven at the cost of my life and my family's lives. I'm up here with a sniper rifle. Ain't no one getting into the 7-12. No one getting into 8-11.

Oh, I missed the casual racism. Just wait. I heard you went on some sort of European tour. Now, did you go to like fun Europe, or

did you go to like Poland? Both. Mainly fun Europe. I went to, it was crazy. We did 21 shows in 18 cities in 10 countries in 19 days. Oh, God, that must be awful. Did you have nothing? Sounds exhausting. We had one off day and we were in Warsaw. So like an idiot, I went to a World War II museum on my one day off. I'm like, let me see about 200,000 people dying in an uprising. Did they make you sad with the museum?

Everyone's like, it's this big spiritual journey they go through when they hit these World War II museums. Usually, yeah. I've been to others. This one, kind of not effective. Okay. See? But there's a billion world war ii museums out there like what is this one was oh sorry go ahead i was saying like what's poland known for like the same kind of food as germany right kind of a little bit so no the the big museum there is the uprising museum because toward the end of world war ii

warsaw had an uprising that completely failed. And that's why Warsaw was destroyed. And 200,000 people were killed with no military victory whatsoever. But it was very brave. So they celebrate the bravery of everybody dying. It's, uh... Well, sometimes you take what you can get.

The statue is just like a woman crying. Pretty much. You ever go to any of the concentration camps or anything like that uh i have i have not been um but like my family's half polish and so i was like oh i want to go to this and i bet it'll be really touching and moving and basically most of the museum was about what led up to the uprising which was a bunch meetings. And then they gloss over most of the uprising because it kind of didn't go well for Poland. Yeah, of course.

Tolkien style. And then they were just like, and then everybody was arrested. So thanks for your money. Here's a gift shop. Man, what a shitty... What are they selling the gift shop? Replica planes, I think.

White flags and replicas. I didn't survive the Polish uprising. Most of my family killed, and all I got was this lousy mug. That's awesome, dude. What was your favorite part of it? I mean, I guess if you had one day free, you probably had no time to digest anything. Like it was just show to show,

to show, to flight, to flight, to flight. Like, yeah, I think my favorite, my favorite part other than coming home and having American food again.

Nice. Uh, cause I was in England for two weeks. So yuck. Um, and I love, I love England. Fuck the food.

It's horrible. And every person who says, Oh no, it's getting better. Like fuck your weird back bacon. It's horrible. And every person who says, Oh no, it's getting better. Like fuck your weird back bacon. It's terrible. Um, but,

uh, I would say my favorite part of the crowds in Scotland were absolutely amazing. Um, uh, there was a PKA person in every single show, all 21 shows. Hell yeah. That's awesome.

All 21 shows. There's a PKA person. And I definitely, and I know that this is an international show, but it was weird for me to hear PKA people with like deep accents from other places. Like that was not... We don't believe in Holocaust either.

Yeah. We love Kyle. That's sick, man. Good for you. That sounds like a... Is this the biggest foreign tour you've ever done yeah there was definitely the most intense it was funny you were talking about robin hood because one of the places we went to was nottingham and they act like it was a documentary it is just their tourism is completely based on it they have like at one point i was

talking to a friend of mine and i was like giving him the like where i was to come find me and i was like oh i'm at fryer way and made marion street are you fucking kidding me no that is not a street it's 100 true or maybe it's fryer place or whatever is there a modern day short sheriff of nottingham that's what i want to know oh god so they just do the same thing that Philly does with Rocky. Yeah, pretty much. Wait, what does Philly do with Rocky? They've got a fucking statue. A statue of a guy from a movie.

He really went there. Who did? Yeah, I saw it. He ran through the streets. That's like saying Carrie Ewell visited my city. Yeah, Robin Hood was here. I'm from Philly-ish. I don't care for this assault. Yeah, I don't like your characterization of Rocky as fake.

If Sylvester Stallone ran for mayor of Philadelphia, what would the chances be? It's a non-zero chance. I've been trying to do my best for the city ever since i made up that story 40 years ago and uh if he showed up and he quoted rocky a lot right oh yeah and he was it was adrian we're here she was she was a big supporter of this bill like like like he i think he'd have i don't even work here i know what she'd say you know lots of that stuff paulie's here you know that that old guy he's still alive get paul old guy, he's still alive. Get Pauly in there. He's still alive?

No, there's no way he's alive. I would bet good money that Pauly is still alive because I watched the last Rocky movie, Balboa, I think it was. That's not the most recent one. Obviously, Creed came out and Creed 2. Damn, he's alive. Yeah, Pauly was in Balboa

maybe six years ago and he looked like a man who was a middle-aged man in the 70s. That's what he looks like. Yeah. I honestly don't think he'd have a chance of losing

if he ran. He's alive. He's 79. His wife died. Oh, so then he's not long for this world. You know how those patterns go. His wife died at 74. Yeah, he didn't like her. Oh, well, then maybe that's what surged him into longevity. Great.

Normally, women outlive men, but it turns out if the women die 45 years ago, the men just keep going. But it turns out if she's a cunt and you don't like her, it gives you a new lease on life. I'd almost given up on life and then Marie, she got the cancer. Wow, I just felt energized.

I just felt a light inside of me. It's like I took her soul. Well, not the bad parts. Not that bitchy fuck on your back telling you to do this and that all the time. Come on, pancreatic. Ripping on this man's dead wife might be one of

the worst things we've done on this show. I find that hard to believe, Woody. What'd you say, Steve? I said I find that hard to believe. I doubt it rates top 20. Yeah. I'm glad she's dead. Yeah, top 100. Yeah, not even close.

I'm glad she's dead. You know, I don't know anything about her. You know, two votes for that one. I hope it hurt. I think. I hope it hurt, Jesus Christ. Prison's changed you, Kyle. I was still with cancer.

Was that one of the painful ones? I didn't know. I'm curious. Cancer sucks. So if Rocky could win for mayor of Philly, who do you think would have a better chance of winning in Boston, Tom Brady or David Ortiz? Oh, Tom Brady, 100,000%. And, okay, take race out of it and then answer it again.

Well, the race isn't the important part the important part is if ortiz makes a big to-do about how tom brady kisses his father and son if he makes it to do about that he might brady might lose but nobody could understand what david ortiz is saying though i've never and also people from boston are so goddamn stupid they wouldn't realize that David Ortiz is technically... Is he from the Dominican Republic or Puerto Rico? I don't recall. Dominican.

Fun fact, those are actually the same place. Does he even count as a fucking American citizen? They won't know. Well, no, because he's Dominican. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but you can become mayor. Well, yeah, he may have... He also may be a citizen.

I don't know. But I was just making sure that Kyle knew that the Dominican Republic was not indeed part of the United States. Not a U.S. territory like Puerto Rico. Yeah, it's he may have. He also may be a citizen. I don't know. But I was just making sure that Kyle knew that the Dominican Republic was not indeed part of the United States. Not a U.S. territory like Puerto Rico. It's a different country. Well, I mean, even Donald Trump isn't aware that Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory. Yeah, I loved when he was like, when he didn't like the president of Puerto Rico. That's you.

She kind of seemed like a bitch, though, didn't she? Do you remember later she got called out and you know she like had like wasted so much money yeah so much there's not a president he's the president of puerto rico yeah he is yeah no no i was no the mayor of uh governor or whatever whatever the the title is of the person in charge there yeah of the puerto rican caliphate yeah steve's right it's kind of funny that he didn't know he was president of puerto rico that's the of the Puerto Rican Caliphate. Yeah, the Puerto Rican Caliphate. Steve's right, though. It's kind of funny that he didn't know he was president of Puerto Rico. He's supposed to know

where he's president of. Oh, no, I get the joke. He's like, up there in Alaska, I'm tired of 49 states. We're getting to 50, and even 50. We have it. Mission accomplished. Yeah. My favorite news story of the week is that George Zimmerman is suing the parents of Trayvon Martin because apparently during his trial, they brought out a fake witness.

The lady who supposedly was on the phone with Trayvon during the time of the shooting and testified like what Trayvon was saying. And she also testified that she could hear through his phone what George Zimmerman was saying to him. Obviously, he was acquitted of those charges and found to be a hero. Oh, God. They found him heroic

and good-looking, I think. Suing them for $100 million. At least. I love the idea. So he killed a guy, and then he's like, you know what? I'm going to also sue his parents for me killing him. Is he suing the parents?

Is he suing the city? I already sued the parents for $100 million. I don't think they have that much money. Well, they better come up with it. Maybe they saved some of that money from when Trayvon was selling lean back in the day. That guy should just have a tattoo, Zimmerman, that says insult to injury. I have a little bit of an update.

So he's suing Trayvon Martin's parents, the family attorney, the attorney's book publisher, and the prosecutors who tried the case. Awesome. Collectively, I don't know if they have 100 million, but... So that chick lied and she got caught. She's in serious trouble. But he's not suing her. But if it came out that she lied... He's suing the professionals for putting her on the stand

and standing behind her lies, which were going to put him away for life. It's Florida. Do they have a death penalty in Florida? You would think so, it's florida they have a death penalty in florida you know right we just throw you in the gator pond didn't he already uh sell the gun that he used for like a quarter million dollars well you know when you gun down a teenager it's hard to get employment you know yeah you gotta do what you gotta do. So he sells a bit of Confederate artwork here and there, alright? He sold the... I don't think murder weapon applies, but

he sold the hero gat, we'll call it. Oh, Jesus Christ. For... To make ends meet. Because, you know, he's gotta pay his attorneys to defend him for when he beat his wife. There's a little more... Because she was uppity. Well, she was uppity. There's a little more. Because she was uppity. Well, she was uppity. There's a little more to the story.

One moment. I've never looked up these pictures. According to the lawsuit, Brittany Diamond Eugene didn't want to testify that she had been talking to Martin before he was killed. So her half-sister, Rachel Gentile, pretended that she was talking to the teen before she was fatally

shot. Gentile ended up testifying at the trial. So, I guess Martin really was on a call. I can't confirm that the things she said he said were true or not, but they just handed off the job of being a witness to the half-sister. Wait, but this is

according to the lawsuit. I mean, according to the lawsuit i mean according to george zimmerman he's like an american patriot who defended himself proud to be an american i i thought you were lying kyle saying oh george zimmerman selling his confederate art literally some of these are are like confederate art i don't like other ones are just maybe i'm being a retard and this is all like photoshopped No, no, no. I don't need to embellish George Zimmerman's record. He's standing there with a picture of Trayvon

that he painted. Yeah. He's the worst person. Man, this guy is a real piece of shit. There was a guy right afterwards who sold these paper pistol targets that had Trayvon Martin with a crosshair on him. I knew a guy who knew a guy who knew that guy.

And that guy made $1 million overnight. He was selling for a dollar a piece, and he sold more than a million. Wait, I don't know if that math works out. There's shipping considerations and overhead. He profited like a million dollars selling these paper targets with a picture of that dead person on them. I'm open to the idea that Zimmerman isn't really a Confederate white nationalist, what have you. That he just knows his audience. Right?

That's partly what informs my opinion. Or guess, I should say. Like, maybe he's like, yeah,'m hispanic i'm not really about white nationalism or all that stuff however people who are about white nationalism are about me so he's gotta be he's gonna strike while the iron's hot while selling his art and his gun and his shit do you remember the guy who did the who did the fundraiser that go fund me for the wall yes like he was ultimate scam and he was an obvious con man he was a guy who like had a record for being a con man there is no way to donate

earmarked money to a cause like it was impossible to do the actual cost of the wall like he couldn't even if you raised 100 million dollars it wouldn't have even made a dent in it and there were all these people donating and then he just kept as much as he could based on like gofundme not returning all of them we should have done whatever the kickstarter was my and it's just amazing to me that like people are willing to people are so dumb to donate to that and i thought of doing one like just doing a kickstarter we're on it it specifically said like this is satire this is not real and then just seeing if if idiots still were just racist enough to give me money they would be my facebook feed was filled with people proudly talking about how large that go

fund me had become awesome they're like look at this the government can't get things done like we can and meanwhile it's up to like seven million like that's much of a wall and it's a fence i don't typically poke you know poke at the republicans that are all my facebook friends but i'm tempted to if you guys seven million dollars like in southern california which is where you need part of it, that's enough to build like a house, not like a wall. Right? Maybe just a house with a wall around it. So now that guy's safe.

Yeah. No, no, I meant this was for my wall. I have a wonderful wall. You're going to love it. Look at it. It only goes around your house. It's like, yeah, retard. What the fuck did you think?

I find it inspirational and entrepreneurial. And I want to find a cause that we could tag ourselves onto, start a GoFundMe, and make a bunch of money from people who are bad with money. I want to start that religion and get the tax break. I'd be pretty happy with that.

I heard you said I'm willing to be a pastor. I heard you can really make a lot of money if you fake a GoFundMe for a weight loss surgery. Oh, that's not nice. He didn't fake it. We know someone that had a weight loss surgery. He used to be a host on this show. I had an idea of who you may have been talking about.

He definitely had the surgery. I want to see the scar. I do, too. I want to see Dr had the surgery. I want to see the scar. I want to see Dr. Garcia! I would like to see the scar. What could we start that would actually make us real money? What cause could we latch ourselves onto?

The thing that makes the most sense considering Kyle's background would be something with guns. There are so many people who are obsessed with guns. You can take my guns from my still alive warm hands. Yeah. We all dress like Antifa. We dress like Antifa in the banner of it.

And we say, we're going to use all this money to tear the wall down. Right? I think there's money to be made by selling t-shirts at trump rallies i feel like we're missing out on a great opportunity with since we have a jewish person here he can feel free to go where's this going full holocaust denial you're bulletproof you're bulletproof well so this is like how black people can say the N-word. You can go full on.

But don't, because I don't know if YouTube is cool with that. If I go Holocaust denial, and then you think that the white nationalists will donate to be like, oh, here, he's our spokesperson. One of the good ones. He's one of the good ones. Like, what's her name? Candace Owens being like a mouthpiece for the right. And they prop her up just because they're like look we have a black one do you see yeah and she's just grifting so

hard yeah like so many of these people it's so obvious they're like i believe whatever makes me the most money that week she was a full-on liberal like a few years ago and then she switched over saw the light making money Saw the light saw the green yeah The green light hey get it yeah, that's a thing green light I think I think Stacey Dash is just genuinely stupid I don't I think that I think that Candace Owens is doing it knowing what she's doing who Stacey Dash I missed one Stacey Dash was uh she was the one of the girls in clueless

She's the actress that played the girls in Clueless. She's the actress that played the friend in Clueless. Is she the black girl? Yes. She has been accused of Aunt Toming. Aunt Toming instead of Uncle Toming.

I've never heard that one before. That might have been mine, honestly. Hang on to that one. You may have just coined a little phrase. Oh my god, we'll sell t-shirts at Trump rallies that say Ant-Tom. Well, the real thing to do is to have two

separate domains and sell ridiculously pro-Trump stuff and ridiculously anti-Trump stuff and then make it known it's the same company but there's a competition where it's like, who gonna raise more money you know one percent of the donations will go to you know trump if you buy here or fucking i don't know bernie if you buy over here or you you don't even say it's the same company you just be like those assholes at trump co

are competing with us and we want to sell more and it was like oh well those assholes at Trump Co. are competing with us, and we want to sell more. And then it was like, oh, well, those assholes at Bernie R Us are trying to outsell us, and you just have them fight back and forth. Steve, who's your Democratic candidate so far? Elizabeth Warren. Vermin Supreme. Vermin Supreme? What does that mean? Vermin Supreme?

Yeah, we talked about this guy the other week he's the guy who runs every single year he wears a big boot on his head and he wants to give a pony to every child in america oh i didn't realize he was running sorry can i change my answer yeah um no i i actually the and and by the way the the native thing i completely understand that because i thought i was aust Austrian for most of my life. And then when I was like 30 or 31, I went to Austria and I looked up the town that I thought I was from. And it was the Austria-Hungary Empire. And just my family had gotten it wrong.

And that's how I found out I was Polish and Ukrainian. Still a good mix. I spent, I mean, not as good as austrian but it's as your stack ranking here absolutely and so have you seen vienna it's a very beautiful place and so uh yeah i thought i was austrian because i just accepted the story that my parents told me i would have all that elizabeth warren had to do to not embarrass herself with that DNA thing was to have hired me to be on her like comms team or whatever. And when someone was like, hey, we think it's a good idea that you take a 23 and me and then read the results to the public. And I'm like, no, no, no.

Yeah. Respectfully, Chief Warren, you are not American. It's pretty obvious. Don't give people the ammunition. Don't give them the ammunition. Don't give them the ammunition. You should not have done that. I think it's total shit that they didn't approve your application to be on that committee, Tyler.

I think it was ridiculous, too, and they cited this very program. Yeah, I believe they saw you do your Native American voice, and that really turned them off. I think that voice shows a lot of respect for the cultures that were here prior to the white man. You're so good at these. Jesus. The Indian guy crying

amps me up. I think he's Mexican. Also John Redcorn from King of the Hill. That's my favorite Indian TV. Those are my heroes. The funniest Indian on TV. I like Bernie more than Warren. Oh, I cannot believe I forgot about Apu.

Yep, he's definitely number one. As your presidential candidate? If I had to pick a fictional Indian or Native American character, I would pick Apu. Oh, I thought you were voting for him over Warren. No, this is our favorite fictional Indian individual. I know. If we're picking fictional Indians,

Elizabeth Warren's on the list too. Oh, jeez. But also, it was crazy that like she, I mean, aside from like the DNA test thing was stupid, but just playing into any of that like did we not learn from the swift boat thing do we not just you come out and be like this is ridiculous we're moving on and like that's all you need to do i don't know oh the john kerry thing there's actually a political term now called swift boating yeah because there was this whole

ridiculous scandal that like i think cost him like five ten points in the polls something like that it was enough about saying that he was a coward uh because this whole like made up swift boat thing and it turned out to just be all the guys who were on the boat and they were like i don't remember john kerry doing a goddamn thing when we were slicing off gook ears and that's not true smoking doobies so they basically hired a bunch of Clint Eastwood impersonators yeah what happened with the swift boat thing and swift boating he's right it's a term now uh it was W versus Kerry and it was W was running for re-election and W had a weakness in his military service compared to Kerry uh when the Vietnam war went, it was a scary thing.

No one wanted to be in it. W used his political connections to get into the National Guard, where he flew jets over Texas. Kerry, on the other hand, was in the Navy. Defending us from Louisiana. True. So Kerry, on the other hand, was in the Navy, and he was stationed on this safe spot on a boat like miles out to sea,

and he's like, fuck it, it you know i want to get in the mix of this so he goes on these swift boats where they go through these rivers in vietnam and actually get in gunfights with people he earned i might mess this up two bronze stars and a silver star some people say during a time when metals were handing it out more easily but anyway two bronze stars and a silver star and there's tales of him like jumping off the swift boat into the jungle chasing people down and getting kills and believable things getting kills yeah yeah as katie ratio was infinite they were out there farming their rice and i said no no with the swift boat veterans they just donated tons and tons of ad money and ran it again and again and

again until car's strength, his military service was not just neutralized, but almost like a deficit. People were unsure about what this guy really did in the war. And that's, they brought out people who were on the boat with him and they talk shit on him. There were people who praised him too.

I mean, I think they were Republicans who didn't have much airtime. The people who talk shit had so much, right? Yeah. They just poured money into it and much air time. The people who talk shit had so much! Right? Yeah. They just poured money into it and changed the narrative. By the way, Woody, is that a Christmas tree that fell behind you? Yes. What is that? It's a decoration that's not

placed yet. There's a... It's a political statement about Christianity. I was just trying to see if you were coming over to my side. This is a war on Christmas over there, and we're taking it out. by the way i have never heard a jewish person ever offended by someone saying merry christmas yeah it seems like a fiction that's made up like i can't imagine telling like a jewish person merry christmas and

then being like well actually i've got the adl on speed dial and they're gonna they're gonna hear from you for me like there's of course not nobody fucking cares in my area they're canceling christmas parades one in garner and one in wake forest which are like two cities that kind of border raleigh and uh they're doing it because the conservatives are going to protest it but like it's the confederate children or something like that i could look it up again but uh yeah there's these like basically white nationalist confederate jackasses who are going to protest the christmas parade hundreds of them over 200 have said they're going to go and the towns are like fuck it we've got safety concerns the key white nationalist talking point of hating Christmas.

Right? I don't know what the scoop is, but I'm like, well, here's a turnabout. Like, Antifa's not protesting Christmas parades. But there it is. I don't know. I'm in favor of all parades that aren't the Blues winning the Stanley Cup parade being taken out. Parades are annoying. But you still need that one.

I need that one. But Actually, we can ban those now because it's not going to happen again. Yeah. We got your cup. It's fine. All parades now canceled. Roads free and open for everyone. Have you gotten to see the cup at all? Have you gone to any of the events? Take a picture with it or anything?

I saw it at the parade when I went, but it was so fucking far away that it was not meaningful. But there's a bar, OB Clark's here. It's like a big hockey bar. And it's where I watched them win game seven. And I was thinking the next day, you know what, I'm going to call in from all of the meetings

and stuff I have to do and just say no. And I'm going to go back to OB Clark's because I'm pretty sure a bunch of blues players are going to show up there and get absolutely hammered. And I was like, no, I'm going to go back to OB Clark's because I'm pretty sure a bunch of blues players are going to show up there and get absolutely hammered. And I was like, no, they probably won't. They're probably so busy with media and stuff. And then I was driving, listening to the radio on the way somewhere the next day.

And it was like, oh, five blues players, Braden Shen, Vladimir Tarasenko, Jordan Binnington just pulled up with the cup at ob clarks and i was like fuck fuck and then vladimir tarasenko was serving pizza to people and there was one guy who got absolutely roasted by like it wasn't national news but it was like big city news where this guy tarasenko you know one of our best players out all season unfortunately but he was going around handing out pizza at this place and he's like going to a table of a bunch of young people all excited and he's like free pizza

anybody free pizza and everybody's like yeah yeah he's like how about you free pizza free and the guy's like oh no no thanks and all his friends are like take the pizza it's fine i'm here teresanko take the pizza and he did the wrong thing which was double down on his initial decision. He's like, no, I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry right now. And they're like, take the fucking slice of pizza from Vladimir Tarasenko. And he tripled down and said no. And then Tarasenko's just like,

well, alright, because there's no pizza for him. And they just fucked away. He should have gone Conor McGregor and punched him in the side of the head. I would love for him to just be like, oh, dude, you really should have gone Conor McGregor and punched him in the side of the head. I would love for him to just be like, oh, sorry, gluten. Oh, this guy is a bitch. I looked it up.

So just people don't know I'm full of shit. The sons of Confederate veterans, Confederate veterans have joined forces with the sons and daughters of the Confederacy to protest two Christmas parades in the area. That's not liberals. It's the same way that the patriotic people now affiliate with Nazism. It's the opposite of their cause. What are they specifically protesting? What is it that they're

upset with? Because, let me read the article. The tree wasn't big enough. They canceled the parade due to potential for violence. It would have been the 72nd year of the parade. Was it because they're letting black people in the parade? The event is targeted for disruption, according to the Sons of Confederate Veterans.

There's social media chatter where they're, I guess, planning shit. We're concerned about the outside agitators. Radicals don't call ahead, but these guys did, I guess. The reason they got mad is all those Confederate sons or whatever are like, This is 2019. We say happy holidays, folks. Enough is enough. It's like, wait, what side are we supposed to be on?

Well, we're already here. I paid for the ticket. If I'm reading, like I'm trying to get a vibe from the article i think it's that they're worried about like a charlottesville situation where it's not necessarily them hating christmas as much as it is like the counter protesters coming and it turning into a thing like some maniac causing a scene or we're doing something ridiculous yeah making people have heart attacks well then it might be that wait it is not that's a republican talking point that you fell for.

Hold on a second. Is the... It seems like... If I understand that correctly, the premise that the person who was driving the car at Charlottesville had a heart attack, and that's what happened? The premise is that the woman who was hit by the car

would have died anyway because she had a heart attack. No, no, no. That's not the premise. I think it is. She wasn't struck by the vehicle. She got frightened by it and had a heart attack. No, that's not the premise. I think it is. If she wasn't struck by the vehicle, she got frightened by it and had a heart attack. She was clearly struck by it. This is an interesting point.

Legally, if you prank and spook someone to the point that they have a heart attack and die, are you liable? Or is there some sort of prank protection law? Is that what it was? It was a prank? Well, this one wasn't a prank.

I'm talking about the legality it opens up. If I dress up as a spooky ghost and then I scare someone. It's not a spooky ghost. It's the KKK. The spookiest of ghosts. The spookiest. I was just trying to be a ghost.

That's all it was. I mean, if I wear one of those suits that makes me look like a velociraptor, and I'm walking around, and some fat person sees me and has a heart attack, and they die, where am I legally there? Did they die because they thought that you were going to kill them as a Velociraptor? Or did they die because they were excited for all the Velociraptor meat? Like which? Either way.

You can't ask them. They died. There's got to be a legal scholar who listens to this podcast. Now I will base this on the Charlottesville precedent. And say that scaring someone to death definitely does indeed put you in jail. It's got to be intent, right? Intent's got to

factor in. No, because I think there's negligence. I intended to bring joy through dinosaur reenactment. What is it called when you kill someone by accident? That's what homicide is. Manslaughter. Manslaughter. But there's also negligent homicide. Which is killing someone Kill someone by accident. That's what homicide is. Manslaughter. Manslaughter. Manslaughter. Yeah.

But there's also negligent homicide. Right. Yeah. Which is killing someone based on something that was preventable. Yeah. I think that applies to kids a lot. Like, if you, like, let your kid eat a bunch of, you know, detergent or something. And you're in the other room, you know, high on PCP or something.

Right. And then lock them in a hot car just to make the detergent cook a little you're in the other room you know high on pcp or something right and then lock them in a hot car just to make the detergent cook a little yeah yeah that's oh that almost seems purposeful the hot car thing is terrible like every time you see those stories it's like but i also don't have kids and so what do you can speak to this you're the only one of us with kids like was there ever a time when you first had hope or Colin, when you were, let's say Jackie was out and about doing something. You had the kids in the back and you pull up to ACE hardware or

wherever I'm stereotyping. You like to hang out and you go in and you were like, Oh shit, kids. Okay. All right. All right. Kids come with me.

Or was it always just second nature? I'm here. Get the kids out. Like, I don't want to there was one time a long time ago i had young colin in the back of my truck and we were going christmas shopping for jackie's gifts and he's back there quiet as a mouse not saying a thing I hopped out of the truck I went to like uh Bed Bath and Beyond or something didn't see what I was looking for and I'm like wait I'm like 60% sure I had Colin with me and then I go to the truck and there he is sitting patiently by himself it's cold it's christmas and uh i'm like i

dodged a bullet there yeah what an incompetent i was like no i dodged where have you been i just like i appreciate your honesty with it because i that's what the answer i thought you were gonna say was like i imagine that's for new parents or a true thing. Easy to forget that you have a new... What you do is you tie a string to your wrist. And then you won't get lost in the mall.

And then tie that string to your kid. Drag him through Cabela's. No, this leash? No, it's not because he's bad I'm forgetful I have to tie myself to the kid this isn't a leash this is a reminder that's all this is

I had a leash because I was bad yes you did oh yeah well I had the wrist kid leash and I escaped it so she had to get a full harness for me wait wait I'm being gullible right no she initially to get a full harness for me wait wait i'm being gullible right no no she initially got me a wrist leash took me no time at all to escape in the uh

white house black market dress store or whatever and hide in the middle of racks and then until like i could hear the panic in my parents but like taylor taylor i'm just like sitting in there just like man this is so good she's gonna this is so funny she'll appreciate this never did never i remember discovering that as a hiding place like it because i'm one of four so we got we got dragged with my mother all the time and just finding that like that in the middle of a rack at a store and i'm like no one knows where the fuck we are right now oh yeah this is impenetrable once they wise up and they start going around like my mom and grandma trying to do christmas shopping but they're having to go around and look at the bottom of every rack to

make sure there aren't feet and i and i listen to know when they're coming, and I grab onto the circle part of the top and lift my feet. Oh, man. God, I hope my children are never the way I was. No, I checked that one already. He's not here. Taylor, it doesn't matter if you're at the mall. My mom would have beat you down so hard. beat you down so hard she would have like on the ground fetal position still beating you telling you that you're crying i'll give you something to cry about and beat you until you stop crying

your mom might not have looked for him though what he's gone well there's a sale at nordstrom she wouldn't actually call me and kb KB Toys overnight. I'm fine. I ran away from home as a kid, and they were cool with it. They were just like, yeah, that's the key. You let them run. They got nowhere to go. They'll come back. And it was like the sun went down.

I'm going to neighbor's house. Can people come out and play? They're like, no. It's bedtime. And eventually it was cold, and I went back home. youngest brother and i pranked or my younger brother and i pranked my youngest brother once i must have been he was very small and we were still young enough to you know get into mischief and we weren't letting him play the super nintendo or nintendo 64 whatever the fuck it was and so he was getting all pissed because it's a two-player game and it's like

dude you're the youngest. You can't play. He's like, I'm running away. We're at my grandparents' house in the middle of nowhere southern Missouri. They have a mile-plus long gravel driveway going out to the highway that is

a nowhere highway. You're not going to find anybody other than truckers. He loaded up like a bunch of slim jims and and sierra mist and put it in a backpack and he's like looking at me and my brother the whole time trying to get us to be like oh no you can play please don't go and we just had decided like no just totally ignore him and so he's like somberly putting sierra mists in the bag looking up and still packing up takes like like one captain underpants comic book for i guess for entertainment and zips it up and he walks out the front door and gets to like halfway down the stairs walking towards the gravel road and i and i'm behind him and i just

go click and lock the door behind him wow as he's sleeping so then it's like you said you're running away it's time to run away he heard the click turned around and then like current my like myself at 28 if there was like a four-year-old that got that far away from me i would have been like we gotta stop that but we were like he's fine he's gonna be fine and so like maybe 25 30 minutes later we hear a knock at the door and we and we let him back in it would have been funnier to not let him back in immediately but yeah we're a little bit a little bit feeling guilty at the time still didn't let him play i just like the idea i just wanted someone to want me back that's all i i've only ran away so that somebody would want me to come home.

I didn't get that. That's why kids run away. I just like the idea that he packed like Slim Jims and Sierra Miss. Like he'd be shitting himself by the time he got to the end of the property. Oh, yeah. And I guarantee the first thing he did when he got out there is like, all right, time to break into the Slim Jims and the Sierra Miss. Yeah. The ultimate survival tool. I ran away. The first thing he did when he got out there is like, all right, time to break into the Slim Jims and the CRMS. Yeah.

The ultimate survival tool. When you're surviving in the wilderness, you need Slim Jims and high caloric sugary soda. Yeah. That's what you need. Can't hurt. I ran away once to punish, my oldest sister was babysitting for me, and she was being a total asshole.

Like, we were in a lot of my parents' room. Ages? This was, I was probably, I don't know, I was probably nine or 10, which would make her like 15 or 16. And she, so we had air conditioning in my parents' room, and we weren't allowed in there. And so she went in there with food,

which was an absolute no-no, and watching their television, and the one in the living room was broken. And so I'm sitting there by myself with no tv and no air conditioning and she's not paying attention i was like all right you want to babysit me fuck you i'm leaving and i just nice walked out the door my friend lived like two blocks away so i just went over to his house and then like his mom gave us ice cream and i was like this is the best thing and uh my mother when she came home and like my sister didn't even know i was gone the whole time it was like this is the best thing and uh my mother when she came home and like my sister didn't even know i was gone the whole time it was like two hours and my mother came home i was like

where's steven and my sister was like what are you talking about and they figured out and she it took her like 20 minutes to figure out where i was because like that's the only other human being i knew and so they went and like she got me and i got punished and i was like wait she was babysitting me it's her responsibility and my mother was like if you're old enough to know that then you did this on purpose and i was like oh damn it i hated those word games yeah as a kid i got screwed it was such a like such simple word games your parents would play on you or they'd be like, or the stuff like,

uh, they would get mad about something spilled in the kitchen. And before they even announced it, you'd be like, I didn't do that. I didn't, I didn't spill all the cookies and leave it there and blame it on my brother.

Like, and you'd sell yourself down the river that way. You know, it's amazing how dumb, dumb kids are in that way. That must be a satisfying thing. What do you know? Probably where like how dumb dumb kids are in that way that must be a satisfying thing what do you know probably where like one of your kids did something against the rules and they inadvertently you know demonstrated that they were the culprit our kids weren't liars

like none of them now colin is but he says like ridiculous stuff uh you know where's your mother she's on top of the roof yeah how old is he he's 16 but he's special needs so he's a whole different rule book oh got it i that's more of a draw what i was about to say though thank you but uh but yeah no they they always told the truth they never fake sick for school like they were always really good that way which works totally fake sick for school yeah for sure dude so often i i think i missed 20 days one year yeah when i saw when i saw ferris bueller's day off and they were like nine times i was like only nine that's the big deal i'm like you get nine every semester no yeah every half year nine that's less than two weeks what did you see who was on howard's turn recently maybe i've been watching some highlights were you talking about

hillary clinton oh yeah she she said she wasn't gay i didn't watch it though i just saw the headlight that she was there's no way as far as you know i said highlight limit like like howard has done a clinton voice for decades and gone real far with it like like they he's mocked clinton ruthlessly in the past and her i mean he's always sort of sided with her like i'm a hillary clinton fan and then you can tell that like he's always wanted to get around i couldn't believe that she went on the Stern show. What I want to know is why. I mean, she's not promoting anything. To throw Bernie under the bus. Is that what she did?

She definitely did that, yeah. That would have been a fun call-in. We got to call her and it's like, Baba Booey, Baba Booey, don't listen to a word that bitch is saying. That would be hilarious. We got Bill C calling from Little Rock. We c calling from little rock i've heard i've heard the audio from it but i don't i don't really watch it anymore okay yeah i just it's been my

experience that all these like presidents and presidential candidates once they leave the game become far more charismatic like a republican democrat doesn't matter like i always like them so much more once they're done. Yeah. Well, you saw that like what John Boehner like left and immediately just became a pot salesman. Yeah. That's cool. Oh, Bob Dole was better. He started selling boner pills.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Really? Is he dead now or is he still ticking? He's rolling around somewhere. Well, whatever he is, he's still hard. Is he like a Ruth Bader Ginsburg level of alive? Worse. I saw him at the last inauguration and they wheeled him in.

Wow. Like the Crypt Keeper. 96. He is alive and he's 96. Bob Dole, I guess. Oh my goodness. 17. That Crypt Keeper stuff is pretty accurate too. I'm showing everyone a picture

I want to see this I hear it all It's like a Halloween decoration that jumps up when you try to take the bowl again This is a long URL but they seem to work anyway Poor son of a bitch Here's Trump kissing him Poor son of a bitch. He lived to 96.

Lucky bastard. He does look like a cryptkeeper. Oh, jeez. Holy shit. That's also why, even though I supported Bernie when he was running against Hillary, I can't vote for

anyone who would be 80 in their first term, let alone 82. I mean, if Joe Biden keeps saying the shit he's saying he's got my vote oh my god did you see that bus the malarkey bus yeah no how are we gonna convince people i'm not too old well we're gonna start using words like malarkey the my favorite part is that it said malarkey twice like at first it was the no malarkey tour on the bus and then underneath that it said the malarkey stops here i was like that's not even a phrase that's not even an old-timey phrase yeah just making shit up now

yeah him talking about his leg hair and how he likes kids on his lap dude are we gonna lead into that now yeah sure that was so ridiculous oh when i I saw that, I just had to exclaim, applesauce. How fucking old it is. I say nuts to that. What's better? What he wants to do is be like, I'm not the guy who's a serial liar.

He can't say the no bullshit express. The straight talk express is taken. There's got to be other options, though. Than malarkey? There definitely have to be other options than malarkey. Geriatric express. Honest express. Spend five minutes with a pen and pad, and I think we'll figure something out.

Malarkey won't make the top 20. This campaign is brought to you by Depends. And that's an issue. So he's combating like the narrative on him is that he's too old right which i think is accurate yeah but that's the narrative so he needs to dance or like avoid that you know he can't walk right into it with old well he can't dance i mean his hip fair yeah well he'll challenge you to a push-up contest steve you keep running your mouth i'll see how your mouth i'll happily take him on yeah i don't know what his self-image is built on but he wants to take

trump in a fist fight and that dude in the push-up contest well okay i mean trump in a fist fight he's got teeny hands so that's of all the fights to take trump in trump would take biden down like politics he took vince Biden down. Like politics aside, He took Vince McMahon down. Politics aside, if you got to put money on this fight and we're going to go with like mixed martial arts rules, you know, let's just say pride rules. You know, he can get a soccer kick.

Trump seems like he'd be down for that. Trump wins that fight. Can I just, I'm all for that fight happening no matter what the outcome is. This is a testable hypothesis. I agree with the results. Yeah. I think Trump wins.

My bias wants to say that Biden has a shot. I feel like if he does backpedal slowly Biden comes out like this. If you backpedal slowly for 30 seconds, Trump will run out of gas. So there's that going on. But then Biden's out of gas too so there's that going on yeah but then

biden's out of gas the the real thing that would happen is trump wins by default because biden forgets he had a fight that day yeah yeah like they're like hey joe you missed your fight and he's like what no malarkey i missed my fight no no malarkey no fooling yeah yeah trump is about five weight classes over biden he's gotta win yeah he's ahead and biden's older and biden sounds much older does out of shape count for weight class yes like a fight there's a super heavyweight i think he's over 265 right the thing is like if he ends up on top of you like like like it that that still matters you know we should ask one of the people who sued him for that fighting him no he's talking about his 19 sexual assault victims talking about him ending up on

top of somebody that didn't want to be there yeah i would love from what i hear trump in that fight because he could be a barrel just charge him him. And then all those fragile bones would break. And if Trump gets on top of him, he also gets a visa. Yeah. That's how Melania got it. I was slow to get that one. No problem. It wasn't the best.

It was fine. But from what I understand, and then there was the thing with if you mention that his son is named Baron, you're attacking him somehow. Dude, I like this. That kid is going to be 6'10". Yes. Have you seen that kid?

Jesus Christ. He's growing so fast. Yeah, he's huge. That kid is enormous. I watch politics all the time, right? Partly like some of my favorite policies and stuff happen or whatever, but partly because I enjoy the chess of it. My listeners have heard this before. but partly because I enjoy the chess of it.

My listeners have heard this before. And if you say something and I can be offended, that gives me this position of power, this cry bully thing that I can have over you. Heaven forbid you offend me as a woman or as a person of color or as a old person or whatever it is. If you are offensive to me and my group, then I can get you at it.

And she said, Trump isn't a king. king for example he can name his son baron but he can't make his son baron all of a sudden that's the new republican talking point they're all so offended that you dare attack trump's children and uh it's like you know why people should be mad at that is it was clearly a pre-canned line, and it was not funny. Right. It was a tweet. All it was was a tweet. No, no, it wasn't a tweet. She said it in the – Oh, I thought –

No, it was – No, she said it on the thing. So they had these four professors in the impeachment hearings yesterday, I think. I thought – no, but I thought this was a reference to – she had tweeted this a while back. She said it. No, she said it yesterday in her thing. She was trying to say that Trump is not a king, that he needs to make these, that Congress approves these things.

And she was talking about the case for impeaching him from these law professors. So it was like a pre-written zinger. And she put this zinger out that probably would have worked well in the classroom. But under, in this environment, all the people on the right used it to go full snowflake and be offended.

It wouldn't have been funny in a classroom either. Yes, it would. Her delivery, first of all, terrible it doesn't take much to be funny in a classroom you throw these kids a bone every four days and they think you're a funny teacher yeah maybe i as a as a comedian i've been offended many many times when like someone will say something like a little bit funny in a political speech and all the headlines will be like oh hillary turned comedian no no she delivered someone else's idea and right delete your account it's like oh oh no oh hillary wipe the server like with the cloth ah you got him you got me that was so out of touch you know i like. You know, I like a clean server. Yeah, that one didn't go over well.

No, it didn't go over well. People were really mad and had concerns about it, and she minimized it. Yeah, she's downplaying it like it's nothing. And simultaneously, like, basically admitting to it. You know what I mean? She's like, yeah, I did it, and it wasn't a big deal by saying, you know, talking about it. Yeah, but also,

most of the people who got offended at that had AOL addresses. So they weren't exactly like, oh, she should know this about technology. Most of them are no longer with us, so be respectful. That's so true. But yeah, I like to think that

the thing that Trump is disliking right now is that all, like, the majority of laughs coming from social media are about Joe Biden's shit. And he's like, I thought I was the funny one. I'm going to all these tweets and he's getting all the laughs talking about kids jumping on his lap. Like we should watch that. We've referenced it three times. We watched it on PKN, didn't we? Oh, we watched the one about his leg hair.

I want to watch the one about him calling someone fat and challenging them to a push-up contest. Well, the leg hair is when he's talking about the kids jumping on his lap as well. Yeah, you're right. That was a combo. There's no way that looks better in context, but I do want to see the speech around it.

Right after that, he's like, yeah, on my lap, right on my cock. He just got into this thing about how his leg hair turns blonde in the sun and people used to brush it and people used to brush it and watch it spring back up and then the kids would come jump on my lap and i love kids jumping on my lap and it's like that is tim and eric couldn't have written a better sketch than this woody the context of it was actually him talking about enjoying molesting children. It was just gibberish.

It was an old man who thought he had a little anecdote and then just started wandering. Halfway through it, he just starts eating a Werther's Original. He's slowly unwrapping a fucking caramel and he's just

the leg hair and these are sticky aren't they? Everyone rips on Werther's originals but they sound pretty good to me right now. Really? They're very tasty. They just like marketed themselves as the old man candy. I haven't had one of those

so I'm going off an old memory. That's a little caramel hard candy. It's okay. Yeah, it's not too bad. The old person candy is good in plenties. ages, so I'm going off an old memory. That's a little caramel hard candy. It's okay. Yeah, it's not too bad. Good and Plenty's. Nobody has eaten a Good and Plenty since the stock market recovered from the 1929. Two thumbs down to that. A Good and Plenty, it looks like a Mike and Ike

so you can be fooled, but it's not. It's worse. We could airdrop Good and Plenty's into North Korea and the starvation problem wouldn't get even a little bit better. Is Good and Plenty named the same way that Iceland was named that way, even though it's green and Greenland was named that way, even though it's ice? They did

that. They're like, these are not good at all. At the time, the treat for kids was like, oh, who wants a Granny Smith apple? When they were created, they didn't have much competition. They call it licorice it's like this was like pre-nerd pre-runt like all like the like the popular versions of that pre any of the good candies yeah candy didn't get good until the mid-90s fun fact

oh what's your what was your go-to uh always reese's cups yeah that's the best cups twix wait take chocolate out of it for a second because i feel like chocolate no chocolates at all what was no chocolate like candy candy i mean i never really liked candy or i guess mike and ike's if i had to pick a candy oh that's gross as a kid i was really into nerds and i loved whenever i got pop rocks pop rocks were like a special treat It's like I get a snack and an experiment Yeah, I would I would do the yeah nerds runts or like the big league chew I was big into that. Oh, yeah big league fruit by the foot because you got a whole nice

You later on you could and you felt like the guy in the movie with the cigarettes almost you had like a little container of Stuff that you could pop out and everybody would watch you unroll yourself a couple inches and then it snaps it off when you close it and you holster that back in and get yourself some and everybody wants some and you don't give it to them. Yeah, the bubble tape.

I remember I made my brother cry once because we both had bubble tape and he took his out and I grabbed it and I just took a bite out of it. Right in the middle of the coil. Oh, man. Memories. Oh, you son of a bitch. I know.

You took the whole coil. I took the whole coil. And I put way more than I could put in my mouth. It was a waning gibbous that was left of that moon shape. You gave him back this crescent moon of bubble tape and then just spat out the rest and walked away. In fairness, though, my mom discovered this after he started crying

and I had to give my bubble tape to him. Still worth it. Totally worth it. It was absolutely worth it. That's hilarious. Taylor should not have been blessed with early puberty. I felt like he didn't use his powers for good. He never tells stories of defending the small.

Oh, no, I was like eight. Puberty hadn't hit yet. Yes, it did. I was five, eight, seven and a half years old. I was eight. I mean, I had the beard, but still. There was hardly any chest hair. I had the beard and the same body style.

Yeah, man. Old school candies. Definitely Mike and Ike. I can't believe you think those are gross. Didn't you say you liked hot shots? What are hot shots? Not hot shots, but red hots? I mean...

Those suck. I don't like them. If they're in a bowl, I might try one or two. But no, I don't like them. Like, like if they're in a bowl, I might try one or two, but like, no, I don't like them. No, really.

Okay. I thought you said you did. And those are not, I don't like cinnamon candies. No, I'm not a big fan of those either. I, what I did like,

and I always thought was cool was kids would bring cinnamon toothpicks to school. And I thought that was cool as shit. Like an elementary school. One kid like had a little container of cinnamon toothpicks. And he's like, get out that cinnamon toothpick and started chewing it. I was like, ah, where do you get those?

He's like, you can make them. I'm like, how? They made them? How? His mom would make them. His mom would make cinnamon toothpicks. I remember trying to get the recipe, the formula for the cinnamon toothpick. I'm like, I bet I could make salt toothpicks.

His mom says there are two ingredients, and I can't figure out what they are. I know one of the ingredients is a toothpick. It's the other one. There's probably water involved. I used to buy cinnamon toothpicks. We would walk for miles to this 7-Eleven, or sometimes we'd jump on a train if it was going by.

And the only thing we could afford were cinnamon toothpicks. Because they were nickel. Damn. I thought you were only a couple years older than me. What just happened? I think I'm way older than you. I'm 46. Yeah, I'm 40.

Yeah, so I didn't realize within six years they actually had public transportation and candy. No, I would be like nine at this point. I had a lot of freedom as a little kid. Let me just say, you guys look great for two gentlemen in your third act. Yeah. In the third trimester of life. The third and final showing of the evening.

The intermission has already occurred. There will not be an encore. Yeah, I don't want, I'm against living too long. There's a lot of people who are like, who, you know, you get to that point and they want to fight for life. I look at people in their 80s and I'm like, that doesn't look fun.

Exhibit A, Bob Dole. Yeah. Yeah. That guy's not having any fun. Exhibit B, Jimmy Carter. When would you know that you're,

that you're done? Like, what would have to happen for you to be like? If it's an ordeal to stand while I pee, Yeah. that,

I think that's a good sign. I think, uh, hmm, yeah, that's a good one, Taylor. I think when maybe

you can't have sex anymore, like, in any sort of meaningful way, that's a big one. So think when maybe you can't have sex anymore like in any sort of meaningful way that's a big so you got like five years I think maybe like when certain foods start getting taken away from me that's kind of a clue as well it's like oh I can't digest apples anymore like well you can't apples? What do you eat? Well, mostly baby food. What? Yeah. What are you, RoboCop? You know, believe it or not, I've become quite the fan of

Fancy Feast. You live in a fucking cat food? Cat food? Now, I can't open the can myself, but it's something that's open for me. Well, your diet becomes so specialized like it's an ordeal to even keep you fed and like but but taylor's got a good one like when when bathroom stuff starts becoming

difficult is definitely a big one it's it's mostly about dignity right yeah you know you want to you want to keep your dignity and once that's gone if i had really described vegans if i had severely impaired mobility that would hugely impact my happiness like if i couldn't couldn't participate in any any kind of physical activity right like i just need enough mobility to golf i'm saving golf for my old age and i couldn't do that anymore then i'd have a hard time finding happiness. Yeah. Even Trump can golf. He's fine as fuck. Trump can't just golf. Trump is apparently good at golf.

That's so funny. I love that you believe that. I want to get Steve in, though. I mean, it's like he plays for Tiger Woods. Oh, yeah. That makes him good. If you heard that somebody was... They can go to a stick and puck.

Tiger Woods has said that he's good. A lot of people have to be telling the same lie. There's a lot of people saying that he's not good, too. It's like a gun debate where you can't get true things. They call him the biggest cheater in golfing's history. He lied about winning competitions.

The ones that he runs. I can find this for you. There's a lot of documentation on him being bad. There's a lot of documentation. So it's like a Rorschach test for what you want to believe. I think it's funnier to believe that he's not in the middle. He's either incredible or horrific.

I hope it's one of those two. He definitely hits off the front tee. He's got it. He's hitting off the ladies tee. Yeah, absolutely. I mean mean with all this transgender stuff i say if it takes a couple strokes off my game why not you know all t boxes for all he's also horrible at the windmill in particular like that's the whole jesus i had to process that i'm like is that a kind of stroke yeah it's just someone like it. I specifically requested the speed

be turned down on this one. That crocodile's mouth closes too quickly. I can't get it through there. This one, you got to get it in a hole and then it goes down to a pipe and then it goes into another hole. I just got it in the first hole. That should be enough. My God, having to do stairs?

Can we trust GolfDigest.com? Yeah, they seem to know their shit about golf. This guy seems to think Trump is talented and admires Trump's game. Like I said, it's funniest

if he's an ace, incredible golfer, or if he is just absolutely lying. I hope it's one of those. But also, he golfs a fuck ton. Yeah. This isn't something where it's like, oh my God, he gave him a tennis racket and suddenly he was acing on every serve. Which, by the way, did I sound like I knew tennis there?

Because I don't. Yeah. I did my best. I'm looking at, I said, is Trump knew tennis there? Because I don't. Yeah. I did my best. I'm looking at, I said, is Trump good at golfing? That was my Google search. The top one, I'm guessing, is the Golf Digest that Kyle found. The next are Donald Trump's 68 golf score wasn't actually a thing, CNN.

The serial golf cheat in the White House, The New Yorker. Trump posts golf scores that some of the best players in the world would and then i have to go to the rest let's see would envy and people aren't buying it uh president trump's golf scores hacked on the u.s golf whatever um there is a vast conspiracy to convince you that trump is good at golf like this right coming from an unbiased person i don't know what's less believable but trump's good at golf or that there is a vast conspiracy to convince me that trump is good at golf the commander in cheat how golf explains trump donald trump made golf gross again like there's a lot of evidence oh my god trumpgolf.com is a thing um report donald trump is a habitual i'm just going down the list i'm not even skipping any this is uh so anyway you can almost choose your own news at trump's golf scores yeah it's really easy to go to golf then maybe i could just look at his swing and know you know what i mean yeah

like because i feel like a good basketball player can watch your shot and be like ah he knows what he's doing just like i can look at a baseball swing or like a pitcher's throw a ball and i can kind of tell something from that like like at the very least some he's not even coordinated but like if i knew anything about golf other than hit it hard i would uh maybe you could see some but i think even hit it hard is not right but but yeah i'm with you i don't know much about golf that's how i play golf have you seen his haunches haunches what is a lot of power in those haunches his his like there is a clip steve was talking about tennis earlier there's a a picture of trump playing tennis and the size of his ass, his ass and thigh meat,

you know, so he might be, uh, you know, in the golf world, they call it a power bottom. I think he was a lot fitter during that picture. That re that ridiculous picture of Trump and the tennis shorts looking fat as

fuck. He looks way worse than that. Now it's such a good photo. I don't know. I think that he might look similar, but you can hide a lot under a suit. Yes. You really can.

Yeah. He looks ridiculous in the suit, and the suit is flattering. The funniest person in a suit is Chris Christie. Oh, God. I've seen Chris Christie in person wearing that suit. It's a travesty. Have you seen him in the baseball outfit with his moose knuckle down there?

That's what he looked like in a suit, too. He looked terrible. He sat down, and he had like – I understand how suits are supposed to be cut. But when he sits down, the cuff of his pants came up like this fucking high, like a foot and a half. And you can see these ridiculous old man socks he's wearing that have the straps attached to them to keep him up and everything and he's sitting there with like like like man spreading on stage in this ridiculous chair and it's like next to trump

he made trump look so fucking virile vigorous that's his role i mean chris christie has gigantic calves and you need those little sock garters to keep them up. Oh, my God. Chris Christie, he's lifting all the time. Like, is it manspreading if there's no other room for your flesh to go? If it's just gravity making you spread away. You know how, like, if a woman with big boobs lays on her back and the tit kind of goes everywhere? Into their armpits. Yeah, it's that but as a person chris christie looks like whatever container you pour

him into that's chris christie he's all over the place literally he like if you have food addiction problem it's very obvious and it's weird to run for office when you're obviously an addict of something like when you don't have self-control, and you want to be governor or president or more. I don't know what's more than president. If he lost, like, 150 pounds during the race, would that turn you on to him as a candidate? It would turn me on in general.

Yeah, yeah. Obviously, I'd fuck him. He'd be probably pretty cute. Speaking of cabs... If he were to lose another... If he were to lose onefstetter as a unit of measurement yeah i was gonna say if he were to lose the candidate he was running against right lost one and a half buddha judges did we talk about the video of blade's legs on on any of our shows recently no but i did see a clip on the subreddit

of people pouring Jaeger into his open leg wound. Oh, then I haven't seen this. Okay, so there's a YouTuber called OnlyUseMeBlade. Really chill guy. I knew him years ago when we got along. But since then, he's gone from making YouTube videos to live streaming. And one of the things he's found success in

is drinking to excess. So people will donate for him to take more shots and he'll just get drunker and drunker and they love to watch him be overly drunk he has an alcohol problem right it is not like it's not a close call he is clearly an alcoholic wait hold on the guy who drinks for a living yes has an alcohol problem i swear it's true so yeah so he's like a legit alcoholic now who can't stop and it's also his source of income which makes it double hard to stop like not only does he have this what i'll assume is addiction but he goes broke if he doesn't do it tricky yeah most people who have addiction to alcohol, it costs them money. He's in a tricky spot.

We've been watching his leg sores get worse. Would you call it a year now, Kyle? Am I exaggerating? It feels like a year. He's got these leg sores. These open wounds. What are they from? We assume some sort of alcohol related situation he didn't fall and scrape his knee like he's just like I was wondering if this was like

Philadelphia sores yes but not literally AIDS they look comparable maybe I misunderstood when I said yes I don't know if those were open wounds I was like oh ok he's got don't know if those were open wounds. I was like, oh, okay, he's got hands. No, no, no. I just meant

they were comparable visually. Is there a video? I'm trying to find it. Yeah, I'll get it. You know, it's... Why does he have open wounds on his legs? This is a question that, look, I'm very

curious. He doesn't question that, look, I'm very curious. He doesn't seem that curious at all. He has open wounds on his legs. He seems complacent. I feel like I'm a broken record because I keep going to the same place. How do open wounds getting worse, not just day after day, but like month after month, continuing

to progress, not sound alarm bells for him, but he has other priorities, drinking and such that that are bigger than these open wounds that are just getting worse look woody priorities it's drinking subscriber count new algorithm uh weather what am i gonna eat that night yeah food that night somewhere near the bottom leg holes new season of good place yeah good place my numb tingly feet yeah yeah it's a good show it really is i like i found the video? I'm working on it. Okay.

Because it is... Yeah. So it's people pouring alcohol into the... Yeah, he's passed out. Probably not from alcohol. He was just tuckered. And some guy who's also a live streamer of some kind

just starts pouring Jägermeister into this big open wound on his leg and giggling about it does it does it boil up like hydrogen peroxide no why don't they pour some hydrogen peroxide in it while he's sleeping that's what i'd do right yeah like he falls asleep instead of pranking your friend by like drawing dicks you just bandage his wound yeah like but then you can draw a dick on the bandage i'm bay margera and today we're going to prevent sepsis in my friend's leg slap my dad's in the belly while he's trying to shit just pranking someone by helping them heal

yeah yeah imagine if they did some hydrogen peroxide some neosporin and bandage bandage would it help i don't know what's causing it and need to just eat i'm so out of my to go to a doctor like if it was in such a weird voyeuristic culture where like i i wanted to you know as my youtube is growing i wanted to like collaborate with other YouTubers. Figure like that's a good that's a great way to grow your channel. And so like I reached out to a bunch of them and like this one guy got back to me. He's like, yeah, I'd totally be down. I was like, OK, great.

Let me look at his channel, get some ideas for what we could do together. And all he does is dress up like Spider-Man and get his ass kicked. Oh, cool guy. That's his channel. So what's your role? Yeah. My role apparently is dress up up like thor i don't know like i i mean you could kick his ass in regular clothes maybe you could dress up like thor i could be i could be what's this guy's youtube channel called i don't i don't know this was a couple years ago

and i mean he was a nice guy i feel i feel a little bit bad for making fun of it but like that's what that's what's out there now where like people there are people who are paying to watch a guy drink himself to death yeah it's pretty good content there's but i almost answered that seriously but there's also like there is gen there is more good content out there than ever before. There's so many good television shows. We don't have time to watch everything. And yet there are some people who are – you don't think so? I'm on the other side.

Like I watch YouTube. Most of my entertainment time is spent on YouTube. And when I watch what I'll call fake TV, you know, very few shows grab my attention. all call fake tv you know that very few shows grab my attention if yeah mostly i'm just like oh this is all scripted and there's actors and that's that's not my kind of entertainment anymore wait is your television does your television have the mode where it looks like it's not television anymore that's not it like you know what i mean i do know what you mean but no i'm just saying that fucking sucks i I turned it back. Television is obviously, it's fake.

It's scripted. I'm talking about every show. Friends, Seinfeld, whatever. Okay. But my cup of tea has changed into like vloggers. Even boring ones are at least real. So you want to watch. Okay.

Is that because of porn preferences? Or like how did that? Jocks. Did that tie into it? Hex, I don't know. Yeah. No, no. It might.

Legit. And it's not like they're my friends or anything, but I'll be like, oh, this guy. I like this guy. Let's see what he's doing today. Let's see what old Pepperoni Nipples is doing. I watch... We had guests on Sailing Le Vagabond.

Yeah, I keep up with them. I'm watching. Like, what are they up to? There's a man and woman. They're not married, but they're like practically married. And they had a baby, and they live on a sailboat, and they sail around the world and make YouTube videos. And I check in on them every so often, like every week probably.

Some would say the healthiest way to raise a child. I'm just like, where in the world are they? They could be anywhere. Well, anywhere that's wet and i have a pizza fetish for life when they leave that kid alone in the car that's very dangerous yeah it when that kid gets more mobile like i swear as a parent the two-year-olds are constantly trying to kill themselves that's what they do they grab your cd rack no one has that anymore and try and tip it on themselves.

They, you know, they, they, they open the drawers to the kitchen and try to pour them on themselves. They try to take headers off the couch that on a boat. I used to do a bit about how, like how kids are good at anything fatal.

Yeah. And one of the jokes was if there was an afterschool program where kids could sign up for fatal activities it would be full immediately and then empty about two weeks later two weeks is generous they were playing metal forks and outlets

yeah but Sailing the Vagabond is a good example of the kind of stuff that I watch now like I just you know this is my entertainment what are they doing now and don't get me wrong like whatever does it for you is what does it for you and and that's fine i i just think that like i find there to be more good content than there ever has been before i remember growing up with and i was a kid without cable and so growing up where we would like schedule what time we would tape movies

like if there was any movie on broadcast television and we would watch that fucking censored version of it where in ferris bueller's day off where they said pardon my french but you're an ass what you're an idiot yeah and uh yeah they they i remember a die hard 2 where instead of yippee-Ki-Yay motherfucker they made him Yippee-Ki-Yay Mr. Falcon like that there's like no character named Falcon in this there is no Mr. Falcon yeah but the

idea that now there's so much to watch and so I mean even like look I have a YouTube channel I make a good living off of it and it's stand up. But like it's the vlogs I do as like somewhat scripted content. I don't. And when I do a live stream, I really I appreciate that the people who are just watching me do Q&A.

I just don't understand it because I wouldn't do it. I yeah, I felt that way about Twitch for a while. And then I found a few Twitch streamers that I like. And it's the same sort of vibe where I'm like, ah, you know, I felt that way about Twitch for a while. And then I found a few Twitch streamers that I like. And it's the same sort of vibe where I'm like, ah, you know, I like this guy. I wonder how he's doing tonight. And back in. I definitely prefer scripted entertainment to non-scripted entertainment. I watch a lot of YouTube.

It's always based around my current interests at the time. Like I watch a lot of cooking YouTube. I watch a um like like cooking techniques and recipes and that sort of thing but then you like whatever game i'm into at the time like i'll get into that whole youtube genre like whether it's rust or whatever it is call of duty or you know right now i'm playing a lot of tarkov um you know i i want to look i want to learn to get better at the game, so I'll get really into that. But in the end, I really prefer scripted content. I like a good acting performance in a movie or a television show a lot more. I watched a bunch of the final season of Preacher today.

I don't know if you've ever seen that, but Jesus Christ is literally a character. So is God. There's a retarded inbred Jesus in it named Humperdew who does dance numbers and rules and masturbates. There's a guy who has a butthole for a mouth because he tried to shoot himself with a shotgun

and it just turned his whole mouth into this. It looks just like a butthole and there's this scene where he's in a gas station bathroom or like a diner bathroom and there's a glory hole but he doesn't know what that even is and the guy next to him is doing a foot tap right and and he just goes he taps him back because he's a very polite nice guy he's like i mean and he has a serious speech impediment because of the butthole mouth and

he's like we need some toilet paper oh and the guy's like, what? Dude, I can't understand a fucking thing you say. Just put your mouth on the hole. Let's go. He's like, what? Toilet paper? And he sees the hole, and he's trying to get into it. He's like, no, your mouth. And he's like, all right.

You see it from the other guy's point of view as he puts his butthole mouth to the hole. And the guy goes, oh, Jesus Christ. I said your mouth. What, no foreplay it's so gross it's a scene when i was into you know before the uh aberration that was season eight of game of thrones like when i was very much into the show there was a there's one guy uh called emergency awesome on youtube and he he does these like uh recaps of a lot of different stuff and one of the recaps he would do was game of thrones and he was so fucking good at it and i would watch it to be like oh i'm learning

all this stuff about the show but if i wasn't interested in the show to begin with i wouldn't be interested in that content yeah and so like yeah i don't understand the the voyeur stuff it just it just doesn't do it for me. I'll tell you what's what what really plays into the voyeur stuff. These these thoughts on Twitch, man. Like, have you seen the horrors on Twitch who like like guys have gotten in trouble for like taking their shirt off? But but there are girls on there literally body painting with just pasties on their boobs just painting their titties poorly it's i the idea of like there's some i mean if you look at a tiktok like so i wish i could just

do a setting where it'd be like stop fucking showing me 15 year olds i wish i could do a setting where it was like uh only show me 15 year olds yeah exactly you you change the setting to the left yeah there's a girl on there um a woman i should say and uh she just like i've seen three clips of her and she's doing the same thing in every clip and i don't think it's the same day she's she's at a planet fitness and she's got the camera pointed at her and she has huge tits like i'm not talking about some d cups i'm talking about like she's going deep into the alphabet like a new alphabet yes like she's wearing like a like a wife beater type like sports top and there's titty coming out back here and she's not fat

like there's titty she's got she's got like armpit titty cleavage where it's they just cannot be contained by the a lot of titty meat and she's like stare on like a stair stepper or something like that so they're just jiggling and she's talking to the camera and she's she's quite pretty and it's on the screen it's like help raise money for my mom's cancer treatment i'm like i guarantee it's breast cancer i guarantee i guarantee i so big i would i would put money on it not actually existing but uh the meaning that way as well yeah the amount of uh i mean she's leaning whichever way her her chest turns but the amount of like uh because i got on tiktok recently just because uh one of my reps was like hey there, there's not much standup on there.

If you just put your standup up, like you'll, you'll get a lot of views. And I put one clip up and it got over a million views, but I liked, but I don't know. I don't know if it translates to anything. I don't know.

My understanding is Tik TOK is for the youngest of young, even younger average age than Snapchat. And what's the average age of a Snapchat age like 14 super super young Jesus that Kyle you're letting these Freudian slips again

that was like a that was the like the cartoon the version of like a cartoon character turning into a wolf yeah yeah the version of like a cartoon character turning into a wolf yeah or they see the person they're so hungry that the person becomes a steak yeah like that yeah yeah like remember the seinfeld where uh where newman is the turkey yeah look at me i've got i've got parsley and flour all over me Newman's like oh this

he gives him some garnish is that the one where he looks up and he's like hey buddy and he just looks like he looks like a turkey and it's because Kramer had been tanning with butter and he had fallen asleep on the roof basted in butter and now he smelled all buttery

and cooked I'm done. God, I love Seinfeld so much. I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of it. As long as I don't rewatch it four times a year or something. I will never get tired of that show. It makes me laugh so hard. Dude, I got to go to the send-off party. Oh, that's awesome.

I was a freshman in college and I was working for the school paper and the exterior for monks was the plate was toms which was uh which was right off my campus and so they had like nbc had a big party there um they were they were the main party was in la with like the main cast but we had a we had a bunch of like the randoms there like the uh uncle leo was there and uh and the soup nazi and mickey and uh i'm trying to think of who else oh and susan by the way the actress who plays her what an asshole she was so mean to everybody well i hated her character in the show too yeah i was like i'm glad they killed you um and then there were some random celebrities like susan sarandon and della soul and I was just I was an 18 year old kid who was just the happiest boy to be able to be there. But my buddy worked for the college radio station. And so we made ourselves fake credentials in order to get in.

But he wanted to bring his friend with him. And this is how dumb security was. So he's got his credential for him and his friend. And he was like, yeah, I'm with the radio station. And then he walks in. He's like, who's this? His friend. He goes, oh, that's our photographer for radio.

But he just got it anyway. The photographer for the radio show. W-L-I-E. Yeah. the photographer for the radio show w l i e yeah yeah i just looked it up because i was pretty sure this is a story in june 2015 it was revealed by jason alexander during an interview on the howard stern show that swedberg's character had been killed off due incompatibility with other stars comedic rhythm on the show and the decision to made was made to cut swedberg after jerry seinfeld acted alongside her so they all hated her enough yeah that's why they gave the poison uh stamps episode

that's so funny it was what's her first name heidi right i i guess so it just put her last name something okay i already clicked out yeah because the uh because yeah i just remember her being like such an asshole and i mean especially when looking back at it and I was like I was this wide-eyed 18 year old kid who was like interviewing people for his school paper and she was still an asshole to me well what a bitch I'm glad you haven't gotten any roles since then to my

knowledge it didn't take me long to find the girl which yeah oh you saw the boob girl got it right yeah I was like yeah her name is swedberg she played susan you could figure it out oh yeah susan's a little flat chested to pique my interest at this at this late hour uh yeah i'll get i'll i'll see

if witty will play this when he gets back there's i mean it's twitch there's no nudity or anything it's just oh jesus christ i just opened it up yeah what do you think about that that is are they as big as i described yeah i mean it's not just like but i don't see there's nothing good about it oh there's so much good about this no i i think that like i don't find. Like, like when it's just fat with a nipple, that's not, that that's titties. That's what titties are. No,

no titties can be like relatively firm. They could be like decent. Um, I, there, there are poorly shaped titties. I don't like the kind that have like the ones you could like pick up and put like a pencil under,

you know, that can like hold shit. So I'm not saying I do this. I'm not saying I make this a practice. I just mean that like, the ones you could pick up and put a pencil under that can hold shit. I'm not saying I do this. I'm not saying I make this a practice. I just mean that they're so floppy. Where's my mechanical pencils? I keep losing them. Come here. Look, have you ever needed a pen?

You've been somewhere. It's good to have extra storage. It's probably under that bitch's tits. You could put a fucking baseball bat under those titties and it wouldn't go a damn place those are excellent those are they're they're i think there's a subreddit called bigger than her head or something like that i'm sure there is yeah whether there is or there isn't a fucking head each one is it's like she's got two skulls in in in her fucking and she's not wearing that's what I like. Tits as hard as skulls.

I like it when they have the skull mouth on them also. I'm freaky. I'm a big fan of hers. I'll see if we'll play it when it gets back, but if you just want to tune in. I think her name... Oh, no, no, no. My bad. I think I said it was Angel Skimmy or something,

but what I've got here is a video of Angel Skimmy watching the big-titted girl and reacting. And if you look on the video, she's raising money for her mom's cancer treatment. That's great. Reaction videos, to me, are the lowest of entertainment. Especially when there's nothing added to it. When it's just someone being like, what? Huh? They were a real problem.

They used to be a real problem damn yeah they used to be a real problem on youtube because of the way the algorithm worked they would just sort of copy your uh the description of your video your tags and the reply girls remember that yeah oh i i remember the flight i know i bet you fucked a couple of them that'd be funny i remember the reply girls what is your reply to that i remember the reply girls okay fair which one fucked the best no which one fucked the worst i i i'm gonna google the reply girls no their channels are probably gone now because all they used to do is like they'd see a really successful video like what kyle did and they'd be like so and so reacts to the aa12

double-fisted uh and then it'd be some girl there with just like tons of cleavage showing adding nothing being like wow wow that's a big gun he seems good with guns these are guns all right well come over to my channel for another reaction girl. Quickie. Yeah. It was just, it was just a fucking waste of time. It was very annoying,

but it annoyed me. Not because I was, some people were just jealous that they were getting views period. And that they were undeserved. I don't give a fuck about who got views and when and where and why. What I cared about was the related videos next to my video, because it should be related to me because each of them is making me more money i don't need one of my primo slots taken up by her

you know what i mean it'd be like if you've got a ford dealership and somebody just snuck a fucking chevrolet in there next to the mustangs whoa whoa this is where fords should be advertised that you can't just slide your chevrolet in here you can't name your fucking camaro the ford mustang 5.0 dot dot dot dot dot camaro like no you don't get to do that that's that's scummy you're i don't care if you ride on my coattails and get some extra views but i don't want you taking my little slot over here that's where my shit should be exactly i used to have uh like i had uh this one guy would copy my thumbnails basically and yeah and just like put his stuff and even put my name in his tags and all that stuff even though the videos had nothing to do with me and i messaged being like hey man you can't do

this and he was like why not i was like what i have to explain ethics to you? Yeah. There was a guy like that in the gaming community, and he did exactly what you're describing. I want to say he was copying T. Martin, this guy we know. Oh, yeah. And T. Martin had a very specific color scheme. I want to say it was like blue background with yellow text, and he would copy that.

And he would copy the titles and, the like i said the tags and the and all that stuff and the way youtube's algorithm worked it would get plugged right in woody i we were discussing these twitch thoughts ah uh you know we were talking about what scripted versus live and that that sort of led me to talk about the girl that we saw in our hangout uh patreon down below sign if you want to hang out with us for four hours a month um talk about the girl that we saw in our hangout uh patreon down below sign if you want to hang out with us for four hours a month um and remember the girl with a huge cleavage who's like walking on the stair master and she's like raising money i i put the link down there i don't i don't it seems like it's appropriate to show it's just a lot of cleavage i think like as a you know it's

kind of a big deal twitch streamer there's tight rules about me throwing stones at other Twitch streamers. Oh, I don't want you throwing stones. She's throwing boulders. All right? They're going everywhere. Wait, is that true? On their platform, you definitely aren't supposed to talk any smack on any other streamers,

and I'm not talking about this. On any platform? So you can't tweet smack about them? Yeah. Okay, well, I'm not suggesting we talk shit On any platform. So you can't tweet smack about them? Yeah. Okay, well I'm not suggesting we talk shit on this girl. I love this girl. I want to marry her. I hope she's got great, just big, great content.

Yeah. Her content is huge. The kind of content you want to mash your face to. I should have stayed in the bathroom She actually runs a channel I believe it was about motorboating Is that correct? I do love water sports

That's something different You and me both It's not different if you enjoy it Same category I can't get over this thing though about twitch having a like you can twitch but you can't snitch i like that twitching no snitching yeah yeah how is that i don't want their like my understanding and i what he knows more than i do i'm sure but like they don't want one creator like if i were to devote entire

streams to being like this woody guy fuck him he's the worst we're right say mean things to him we're gonna raid his channel right now as soon as i stop streaming like i think that's the kind of thing they're trying to avoid no just interchannel drama it can escalate far beyond that it can escalate to real world stuff when you're engaging thousands of strangers on the internet. Behind the veil of anonymity. He's talking about spotting and sending pizzas. Or just a

madman showing up. There have been YouTubers who have just been killed. People will just fucking show up. Wasn't Doc shot at Dr. Disrespect? Someone shot at Dr. Disrespect house they shot they shot his house yeah right right we don't even know if it's because he lived there if he was a crazy fan or what you know i bet not live in a nice neighborhood for houses getting shot is not a thing you know the man's a multi-millionaire

um many times he drives a lamborghini um i i would cool iager that... He's not in the hood? No. I had someone post my address once. Really? Yeah, it was... Well, there are all these websites where they just do public record stuff. And so I actually now, once a week,

I have my assistant Google my address and my phone number and like take it off those websites really yeah because you can you can request any of those websites to take your stuff down but like it it takes a special kind of horrible person to try to you know to try to dock someone in that way and this person they weren't even being malicious they were just being an idiot because it was i had a reddit post go viral about something i did to my neighbor's garbage can and so then they just wrote oh was this at and they just wrote my address and i was like what what the fuck is wrong with you are you serious yeah that's really shitty yeah and there was that dude what was it last year or the year before maybe who uh died because

the the guy on xbox live called a swat to the wrong house yeah right yeah and the guy fucking died like it's yeah that seems to have actually finally changed the tide on swatting. People aren't doing it as much. People don't think it's cool and funny anymore, which is a big part of it, right? If everyone thinks you're awesome for doing it, then lots of people are inspired to do it. When everyone is like, dude, that sucks, that's lame, that's dangerous in a way that's not fair, then they don't do it so much. Yeah, that's why people finally stopped smoking. And now, of course, everybody's vap vaping instead which is the same fucking thing but it was because of what

was cool yeah because the smoking still looks cool it was what was amazing though is that like so all those anti-smoking campaigns and like what they didn't realize is that like you're not going to stop a kid from smoking because you tell them that they're going to get sick one day because kids think that they're invulnerable okay you know you're going to stop them if you can communicate that it's not cool because that's why they're doing it they're doing it because they think it looks cool and then all of a sudden smoking became like out of favor and people are like oh you're kidding i've never put a cigarette in my mouth. Hold on.

Let me huff on this USB charger. Do that. That anti-smoking drive with like orange colors. Yeah. The flavors USB. Sorry. Do you guys know those commercials? Like you like PSAs where it's like truth and it's all in orange.

And it's like a bunch of cool kids being like smoking not today i'm a cool kid and then like like see somebody smoking it's like ew gross that's not cool and it's like it's so uncool over the top ham-handed like trying to make smoking not look cool it it's like man i'm gonna start smoking what if they just said yeah smoking makes you smell bad and no one wants to kiss you? That is 100%. I used to do a joke about the truth commercials. Okay. And where like the joke was just basically like, you know, if you want to actually communicate to them, just say one day you're going to want to go smoke outside.

It's going to be really, really cold. The truth. Like that's the way to communicate to people. And someone from the truth like that's the way to communicate to people and someone from the truth campaign saw it and then they like talked to me about doing an anti-smoking campaign and i was trying to convince them to do something similar to what you were saying like the idea of like talk about like just how shitty it smells and just watch girls be like oh no gross and like that would be enough but instead they were like what if what if we showed them that

maybe it causes cancer i'm like the fucking 14 year old doesn't doesn't care about no right show show a guy standing outside with a with an attractive girl they're leaving the bar and then he lights up a smoke and she goes oh and to think i was gonna suck your dick and then she walks away and brilliant truth.org get in contact with me i've got many ideas just like this some even better lots of people are saying it's the exact same idea with different sex acts like i was gonna go anal with this guy okay so this next one two people leave in a bar starts to smoke she goes oh think I was going to give up this puss. And Taylor is now available because the Elizabeth Warren campaign

passed on his employment. They did. They sent back a letter and said, don't contact us again. How did you get this address? They said, stop sending so many letters. We appreciate the tomahawk, but it's a poor taste.

Oh, hey, did you guys see the thing that went a little bit viral on Reddit? The guy who found the basketball player's wallet? Yes, I saw it. It was on NBA. Oh, yeah, it was so funny. This dude found a basketball player's wallet, and he DM'd him on Instagram. And he was like, hey hey i found your wallet and the guy was like oh thanks so much send it to me i'll get you something tickets and then the guy

proceeded to send him way too many messages yeah like he did this whole thing about like hey yeah i'm at the post office sending it oh hey i just sent it through do you want the tracking oh hey here's the tracking and like just every little detail think about lebron walking in that game you saw the clip right it was the thing steve said yeah oh yeah he was he was being way too detailed and like the player said he was gonna hook him up with tickets to the game but the guy was just way too fucking needy and the weirdest thing was in his description of it when he posted it he was like i've often been a fan of such sporting leagues as the nba and the weirdest thing was in his description of it when he posted it he was like i've often been a fan of such sporting leagues as the nba and the nfl he actually said sporting associations

oh yeah sporting associations yeah it was the most ridiculous sporting association it was like the apu clip when he was like the nine mets are my favorite squadron yeah but it's squadron he's doing that shit yeah that it's exactly like that well i mean you shouldn't be mad if the guy's sending like the tracking number and shit right well no it's somewhere in between like the guy i think wanted to parlay it into being friends or something yeah maybe hold on i'll find it because it was definitely like one of these things where he was like hey you, you know, the tracking said it arrived. So I just wanted to check if it arrived.

And like he didn't hear back. And he's like, so did it arrive? And it's like, you have the tracking number. You know damn well it did. It was a nice wallet too. Was it Louis Vuitton? Does that sound right? Yeah, it was Louis Vuitton.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let me find this. I made a purchase earlier today. Let's guess. Let's guess. Finally pulled the trigger on the remote plug cooking related i i have plenty of those love sense those are the best ones you control it with your phone yeah you put it in your like girlfriend or like date snatch and then while you're eating dinner you can i can control it with my chatterbait donations uh it can do, but you can also control it across the world.

Really? Yes. But it's not a... Wait, what? Oh, it is a butt plug, I guess. There's a butt plug and there's a vaginal toy. If you ever see the streaming girls in porn who have that pink tail coming out of their vagina, it's that toy. It's great.

The tail can flip up under panties and do a little clitoral stimulation, but there's a very powerful vibe on the inside. You can control it with your phone with a little app. Anywhere. Bad guess for me. I guess you already have those. Stocked up. I got the three-pack. I was going to go Woody's direction and say it's got to be something cooking-related. A new sous vide,

a KitchenAid mixer. Am I right with the cooking? Is it blowjob related? No, that's my choice. Is that a hint? I don't know why I'm doing it. You were confusing me as well. Is it blowjob and cooking related?

No, I ordered some prison chili. I finally found the prison chili that I was eating while I was inside. And I ordered like four or five bags of it. And it's, I'm very excited to get it. Cause, cause like I've made, I've been trying,

it's all I ate while I was inside. I loved it. I really genuinely loved it. And I would tell the prisoners, I was like, I need this on the outside. This is great. And they'd be like,

and they just, and they would like shank you. They would threaten to a little. And, and so like when I got out, I be like, and they just would like shank you. They would threaten to a little. And, uh, and so like when I got out, I was like, I want some more chili and I couldn't find it anywhere. So I started, I made like this fancy homemade chili, didn't even compare. And then like a couple of, like maybe a few days ago, like I bought a can of chili, just like some Hormel chili.

And it was, oh, this is terrible compared to prison chili. I finally found it on like ddvending.com or something like that and uh when i get to check out it's like what prison would you like to send this to and i'm like oh god no not that my house and they're like are you sure you don't want to send it no my house i want it but i'm very excited it's called brushy creek chili i think it was very difficult to find and it was not cheap when you is is brooks from shawshank redemption the spokesman yes he is like i went to a guy who was institutionalized guy who was in who hung himself oh man yeah because he couldn't live on the outside without the accoutrements yeah oh that was so where he keeps asking like,

hey boss, can I go to the bathroom? He's like, you don't have to ask. Just go. Just go to the bathroom. Hey boss, can I have some chili, please? Stop asking. I went to that paramotor thing like two weeks ago in Florida. And in this tiny little world, I'm famous. So we went to like this dinner party

and they had a bunch of things to eat up and i had chili and everyone is like woody you're eating chili you chili i thought you hated chili and and i'm like god why does everybody know this story but yeah they uh they were talking to me about chili and just to be clear i don't really hate chili it's just jackie's chili it's just why it's only his wife's chili that makes him want to commit. And it's not even the taste of it. It's just that it reminds him of his wife. No, she's great.

She's had her hands in it. Gross. I know what those hands have done. She orders delivery chili and he's like, not this either. Nothing from you. No, her chili's the worst how did she fuck it up that bad i think it's just that whatever she likes whatever that chili

powder and ingredients is and it's not like a complicated complex recipe it's pretty simple she uses shitty chili powder chili powder and shitty chili beans or whatever the fuck go in them kidney beans i don't know and uh and then you put it together and you get lousy chili it's a couple cans of beans and some ground beef and some onions some tomato sauce and you don't use pre-mixed chili powder you make your own because it's simple it's like you add a few spices together you pour them in it's done you throw yeah i'm sure i'm sure the prison chili uses fresh ingredients the prison chili is better than homemade chili to me i love it and there's not even meat chunks in there it's a meat sauce it's it's like this is some low quality

shit but i am very excited to have it delivered to my what do you think the chances are oh go ahead i was saying is meat in quotes meat it says fresh meat chili. It's retired circus animals. Yeah. I may be wrong, but I feel like the taste of that chili was much more precious in the can than it will be once you're out. Now that your palate has been expanded and you're making all these delicious meals, you're making your steaks,

you're doing your sous vides, you're making your pastas, your slow roasts, is this really going to stand up anymore i don't know i had the same thought when i ordered it and i and i've i've already had this conversation a couple times where i'm just like you know it's one of the reasons i ordered it i want to know was that chili so good because it's so good or was that chili so good because i was just so goddamn hungry and anything and and also like like i i told you i put so much sriracha in there because i i i remembered that like spicy foods release endorphins and i was using chili as an antidepressant as the aztecs did yes as the aztecs did and uh you know so i'm gonna find out it'll be here in

a few days and i'll get back to you. It'll be tough to tell, though, because you'll have the nostalgia factor of, you know, reminding you of the happy days. Maybe. But I think I can be. I think I can give an honest opinion, you know, on whether it tastes good or not. I mean, it comes in a pouch, You know, you tear the top off a pouch and squish it into a bowl. So did you in prison, probably.

Ha ha ha ha. It's good stuff. I'm looking forward to getting some, though. It took me a while to find it. Let me do an ad here. It is just about time to tell the people about Smart Mouth. Everyone hates talking to someone with bad breath, that humid, awful smell.

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We thank Netgear for sponsoring this episode and educating us all about advanced Wi-Fi technologies. What you need, prioritize your bandwidth. Yeah, absolutely. What you need, prioritize your bandwidth. Yeah, absolutely. We did our hangout on last Sunday. They're always interesting. We've got some real interesting characters that pop in there. It's a very diverse group.

It truly is. We have two blacks. They're both from Nigeria. And one's a prince. Maybe both. He's the guy that's emailing people. I'm sorry, Kyle. Carry on. He's got the robes, at least. We choose to believe him. And it's this group of people who are both big fans of this show, and they have 50 of disposable income to you to spend every month just to spend four hours with us so that's a that's a real interesting group of people you know there's guys who are who are active duty military there's guys who are

wealthy for one reason or another and there's just wild men like i won't say his name but there's a there's a guy who he's going on like this world vacation with like a instagram thought and he's uh he's he's just like like he's always i won't say the other thing that he's into because that'll connect him but um you know you know what he's into what he's always up to and talking about and having a good time with. But, you know, right now he's in Hong Kong. Like, he went to Bali for a few days. Now he's in fucking Hong Kong. And he was like, I'm going to, I'm heading to the protests. And we're like, that's not a tourist attraction.

It's not a tourist attraction. He made a PKA sign so he could take him to the Hong Kong protests. Yeah. But the protest started right as he had to catch his next flight. That was very unfortunate. You know how much it sucks when you schedule your flight and miss the protest? Right. It's very inconvenient.

And he showed me his pictures. He's a perfect specimen. Like crazy fit right now. Well, he's a 22-year-old African-American who works out a lot. Yes. And it shows. It definitely shows. He's a real big, buff guy.

I think he's like 5'9", 5'10", or so. But he looks like he's about real big buff guy i don't think i think he's like five nine five ten or so but he looks like he's about four feet wide he just looks incredibly powerful and he looks like the like you know the diagrams on the wall the gym that show you where each muscle is that he could be that guy you know it's just like these are what delts are this is your upper and lower pec this is your this this He's just all perfected out. Yeah, he's looking real ripped, real ripped up. He's probably very much enjoying this conversation. All my sexy talk on him.

Yeah, I mean, I'd fuck him. Yeah. Who would be fucking? Oh, he'd fuck you. Yeah, who am I kidding? I'm definitely bottom in that relationship. Are you talking about AthleanX? No, no. we're trying not to

give away everything about him but the super buff guy who went to Hong Kong at the hangout that whole thing about no he'd fuck you we watched this SNL clip the other day and it's when Jonah Hill was guesting on the show and he's doing this

skit where he's presenting to the entire news media as a professor, as a scientist of something or another. He's like, I have taught an ape to talk. And they're like, bullshit! Bullshit! He's like,

don't believe me. Hear it straight from his mouth. And they bring out this fucking ape. And he's, you know he the makeup is excellent you're like holy shit that that's some legit and he's looking kind of like wild eyed like the eyes are super but he's wearing like pants with like the um suspenders oh classic monkey fashion and they're like and they're like he's like all right speak and he goes hello i can't remember what his name is but he's like my name george and everybody's like blown

away they're going crazy he's like that's right i did it i taught an ape to speak. And then the monkey goes, he sex me. Wait, what? Don't listen to what he says. Did he just say that you sexed him? No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't focus on what he says. Just that he's saying something. No, he have sex with me. And like guy he's like wait wait a minute george right

are you saying that he had sex with you not him behind me me behind him that's how he like it just keeps ramping up the humiliation factor as it goes on like by the end he's like he tell me he have baby and it's just kill me that's exactly that joanie hill's like oh god sir did you tell him that you a a human man, could have a half-ape, half-human baby? I don't know. I said a lot of things. You know what it's like trying to talk a cute girl into bed? A cute boy into bed?

Yeah. We may have talked about this like three or four years ago, but that reminded me of this story. Oh, God, we did. Did we? How long ago was that? Where in the fuck was it? horrifying story too long six secret horrifying story of a prostitute orangutan named pony who was chained to a bed shaved daily and forced to perform sex acts on men twice her size and this happened in memphis no i was in borneo at an appallable fucking ape i mean i feel like it was free in yeah i feel

like it'd be the inverse where it'd be like how much do i have to pay you to bang an ape you know exactly and fuck pony what would your number be i need to see this eight 60 to 70 dollars yeah i need a picture i I'm clicking the link. Free Whiskey River Barbecue. Oh, God. Taylor's like, how much are blues tickets? Yeah. Blues tickets.

Oh, my God. It's fine. This animal is disgusting. Yeah. It's a shaved orangutan. There's a picture of it here. Mostly shaved. A prostitute orangutan.

It's a prostitute orangutan. Oh, Kyle. She's kind of cute. Oh, my God. I mean. it's a prostitute orangutan oh kyle she's kind of cute oh my god it she i mean there was jealousy in the brothel where the the human women are like she's taking all the business guys is it is it fair to call the orangutan a prostitute if like she was chained and forced to do this is she being paid for sex? It's more sex slave.

Maybe she was into the chains. It was like a BDSM thing. Do you think the orangutan, like the interviewer on HBO's Real Sex What were you thinking? And she's just like, look, you know, women are free to do what they want with their bodies and not everybody who's in this profession is ashamed of it she's got like the her little

orangutan like lower half like crossed over and she's like relaxing with her hands picking up the cup frankly i do i think the prostitution should be legal but to be chained to a bed in a borneo palm oil farm isn't what I would consider empowerment. And I do consider myself a venomist. You can quote me on that. I have a new book coming out, Chained to My Sorrows by Pony the Orangutan. So it was a brothel with lots of women in it,

but only one orangutan. And the orangutan had perfume and jewelry on, and guys would sometimes choose the orangutan over the human women. I wonder what the price difference was. Maybe orangutans have really good puss. I would hope the price difference is massive. I wonder if it's like $200 to fuck

some woman, but for $19.95 you can have this orangutan over here. It's better to imagine it's like $200 to fuck a woman $700 to fuck the orangutan. Supply and demand. Yeah. I mean, fuck the orangutan.

We'll validate your parking. Come on. She's lonely, boy. She'll validate your parking. Is there, like, there are certain crimes that I am totally fine with death penalty for. I didn't think that's where you were going with this. No. Yeah.

I thought you'd go the other way. Yeah. You thought I was going to say that I would be fine with? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because here's my thing. Or I was going to say that I would be fine with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because here's my thing. Orangutans can kick people's asses, right? Not this one. It's chained up.

She could still do it. She could defend herself. She could have fought her way out of it. Yeah. You know? So clearly she wanted to fuck. Otherwise, she wouldn't. Like the same way that I can't rape a grizzly bear.

Right? If I have sex with a grizzly bear, that grizzly bear was complicit in it. It wanted it. North Carolina man raped a grizzly bear this week in Juneau, Alaska. He's being hailed as the world's toughest man. World's toughest rapist, Kyle. Get it right. The greatest rapist in history, some are saying.

The greatest rapist. Well, the greatest one is no longer with us. No, Cosby's in jail. Those charges are fraudulent. You know, I deserve three times the credit they initially gave me. I was much better with

the officer of the Benzos than they gave me the credit. Who's the greatest rapist? Who are you going with? Someone who didn't kill himself. Epstein. Yeah. Epstein. I think we might give him the greatest facilitator of rape.

You know? Who's to say? I'm sure he did his fair share, but I'm sure there were some kings and princes and like... He's the Mark Zuckerberg of rape. I feel like if you're going to put together some sort of great rapist spreadsheet, like a matrix, then facilitating the rape would get you

some points. Not as many as... The rapist, one of the best sketches... I'm tired of the rapist! I'm going to rape you for years! I'm going to rape you in the mouth! I was in England during the Prince Andrew stuff.

And it was like during that interview it was so like i i didn't hear a single person who was like who supported him or the royal family or anything everybody was like yeah fuck that guy he's he's a horrible person like it was it seemed pretty unanimous his he's such a gentleman he didn't defend himself well right like like there was a section in there where now obviously he's guilty i think so that's that's gonna hurt his defense but he was saying that epstein what did he call him like unpleasant or something and and they're like he's a rapist like right i just didn't want to you know put it so harshly i suspect that's a royal upbringing thing i suspect that is someone who didn't want to you know put it so harshly i suspect that's a royal upbringing thing i suspect that

is someone who didn't want to insult his friend and provider of rape victims of children yeah i think it's okay to turn on him at this point though right like like he did kill himself you know he definitely did why would people lie yeah yeah yeah that's that's a story that i wish they would reopen, but I don't think it's going to happen. Yeah. Until the next guy who facilitates rape gets caught, and then he gets suicided in prison. His. Yeah.

I did hear, though, that Epstein, before he didn't kill himself, I did hear he really enjoyed the chili. It's good. It's good. I wonder if, like, he probably didn't have any contact with the other inmates but if they were like yeah what are you in for well i have an island it's called little saint james island and it's a fun place for fun people they're like man that sounds pretty cool like he just doesn't just doesn't go into it anymore yeah what could you do you couldn't go well me and my friend bill and a lot of other prominent people did some really despicable He just doesn't go into it anymore. What could you do? You couldn't go well.

Me and my friend Bill and a lot of other prominent people did some really despicable things on a certain express. Yeah. Yeah, the argument that he had was that he doesn't sweat. Did you hear that part of the interview? No. I think you're, no, no. I don't recall the exact quote, but I remember where you're coming from. Yeah.

Yeah. He said, Prince Andrew said something about like how, uh, how he doesn't sweat. Like the account of him was wrong. Cause he doesn't sweat as a person. And then like,

yeah. So people were just sharing photos of him being sweaty. Yeah. He's like a dog. He just pants. Yeah. He's the opposite of Papa John. Papa John

looking wet? That was such a funny clip where he's like, the truth will be revealed. A reckoning will come. Anyone who has ever said just stay tuned for the truth, nothing ever changes.

Rafael Palmeiro with steroids. That was his whole argument when he, like, went before Congress. And he was like, oh, you'll see. All the truth will come out. You'll see. And then nothing. Papa John needs to shut the fuck up. Like, you know, take a guess.

Don't Google how much he's worth. 300 mil? I'm going to say two and a half. Two billion dollars. I went too high. At least Taylor didn't go like 80 trillion. It was like 700 million like a year or two ago. I win. Press threat rules.

There's no reason he should be worried about this shit anymore, right? Like forget it. It's over. You said the N word. They fired you you you're gone right it's over like like go start a new pizza company you've got plenty of money go make a pizza company called papa's original and and fucking and and do it and just put your wet sweaty face on every box and use your favorite ingredients whatever the fuck they are and sponsor our podcast with it and sponsor our podcast ingredients, whatever the fuck they are. And sponsor our podcast with it. And sponsor our podcast. Get wet with the papa. He's got $700 million.

Do anything you want. Anything. He's actually gonna use all that money to campaign for people to be allowed to say the n-word. That's his cause. Everybody has a cause. Monster too. What I liked about it is like of all the

things he could be mad about from it it seemed like the thing he was most mad about is like i made a place that delivers great pizza at a great price and i've tried 40 pizzas over the last 30 days and the ingredients are different this is not the pizza like i built this on like the pizza is not the same and it's like dude you're livid about the quality of a pizza restaurant you no longer have any stake in it's like you see you see it as your legacy dude first of all you're more expensive than pizza hut ever since pizza hut did their like whole revamp back or no dominoes even dominoes is better now i think but if it weren't for that little garlic butter cup and the little banana pepper or pepper and chini or whatever it comes with yeah nobody

would want your pizza man like i love that not nearly as good it's the best part frankly like it's the part i look when i open that box and there's that big slab of wet pizza and then there's that banana pepper over there in the corner i order extra and there's that cup of garlic butter i order extra yeah that's what i'm into like like that those are my two favorite parts it's a garlic butter delivery device yeah do you know about uh when papa john's sponsored a like they tried to change the name of a grand slam in baseball to a big papa a papa slam oh they like they had all the commentators calling it that and they had like on mlb.com they would say papa slam and it was the dumbest just work it was the worst

it was everybody hated that is really dumb i mean i remember like i remember seeing big mac land in bush stadium as a kid and being young enough that I was like, wow, Mark McGuire is so popular that McDonald's launched a sandwich named after him. I didn't see the inverse of it, but I was like, oh, man, that's awesome. He's going to break the home run record. I looked up the Papa John's CEO, John Shatner. It says he's worth $800 million, and he's Papa John's largest shareholder. Oh, I thought he was kind of ousted.

Yeah, they just ousted him from the board. I thought it was weird that he wouldn't have a ton of stock. Maybe he should dump the stock and start a new fucking company. Maybe the $800 or $800 million is the stock. Probably a big chunk. He might not be liquid at all. If he's the biggest shareholder, then it's got to be a big chunk of it.

He might be liquid $20 million. You know what I mean? Stock is a liquid asset, though. He could turn that to cash. I guess he could. I don't know how much he could dump without impacting. Is there any credibility?

He should dump it all just to fuck the company over. That's what Dell did. Michael Dell, the owner of Dell, he just slowly sold more and more of his stock so that his wealth wouldn't be tied to Dell's stock price anymore. Yeah. If he doesn't believe in the company, why is he doing fucking interviews on

Inside Edition or wherever the hell he was, Entertainment Tonight, some rag. Just dump the stock and make your own new company. That's what you think it should be. Also, anyone, I would not trust the opinion of anyone who ate 40 pizzas in 30 days about anything. Well, he tasted 40 pizzas in 30 days. I think that's important.

I thought he said he ate them. First of all, no one can eat 40 pizzas in 30 days. That's why he's sweating. He's grease coming out of his forehead. You can't eat 40 pizzas in 30 days. Challenge accepted. Challenge accepted. And I'm willing to put my cluster on the line.

You will be dead on week one. You will not make it past the first week. You don't think I could eat a pizza and what? A sixth of another pizza every day? Large pizza? Fuck it, yeah. No, he didn't specify sizes. Yeah, it might have just been personal pizza.

A personal pan. Of course you could eat a personal pan. That ain't shit. I don't know if I could eat one Papa John's pizza at all. Because it fucking sucks. I could eat a personal pan pizza for every meal of the day. I could eat a large Papa John's pizza.

One sitting is more than I want, but I could easily do like three quarters of the pizza now. Over the course of the day. Oh, but that means tomorrow I've got a pizza and a quarter to eat. This could get cumulative. By day four, there's so much pizza,

it's incalculable. It's beyond my math. You'd have to be eating a whole bushel of whatever the unit of a big unit of measurement for celery is every single day, just so you could shit. You'd have a real digestive problem

like a weekend. You've eaten so much cheese at this point. You'd have to keep changing the toppings up just to keep it interesting after 25, 30 days. I'd be to keep changing the toppings up just to keep it interesting after 25-30 days. I'd be surviving on pizza and life cereal. I feel like my problem with eating it would be like day 28 would come

around and I'd be like, I only have two days left of pizza. Are you struggling? Oh yeah, I'm struggling. It's an Emo's pizza. Did you order a different brand of pizza? Yeah, I like to mix it up. Well, they'll only give me one free one a day.

So I ordered a little pizza. Just supplement it. You'd be like, did you eat 42 of these? You're like, yeah, I got hungry at the end. I was talking to an entrepreneur the other day and he was saying that pizza hut has lost its like position in the pizza world because they used to invest 40 million dollars in r&d every year and they stopped doing that and and i'm just like pizza r&d how hard is this

um pretty hard man like like coming up you gotta reinvent the wheel every fucking year to like get those impulse buyers in there right you gotta have a new kind of breadstick or some some new kind of fucking crust garlic knot those are there's only so much oh whoever thought of putting the cheese in the crust i would say it's italy's greatest contribution to yeah but that's like 15 years ago when they came out with that. That was their last big break. Do you see how long a big break lasts, though? I discovered it two, three years ago.

I know. There was a pizza place we used to go to in Boston. It's closed now, but they still have one in Providence where they would make the pizza kind of inside out. It's fucking great it's like awesome crust and then like a thick layer of cheese and then like a little sauce on top of that well that's chicago style essentially it's no but it's not deep dish it's not because the uh it's not like the higher crust like it's just regular it's like some kind of it's some kind

of hybrid i had one the other day that had pepperoni in the crust. The whole bottom of the pizza, if you flip the pizza upside down, it's like chunks of pepperoni all in there. This is pizza R&D is what's happening. What we're witnessing is the fall of a great civilization. How cheap would we do this? The pizza R&D that we just executed?

I think I'd work for one meal a year. I would work for free at the pizza r&d that we just executed i mean i i think i'd work for one meal a year i would work for free at the pizza r&d department you could pay me with sauce yeah and i feel like a lot of the pizza r&d is like all right we can save 2.3 cents per pie if we switch from our current sauce to this sauce that we think we can make taste just as good and then they like yeah you know do ab testing and shit and like oh actually no people saw right through it they knew it was cheap and it was wasn't made of real tomatoes do you know the johnny cash song where he slowly builds a car yeah i got it one piece at a time and it didn't cost me a dime that's what taylor would do with

this pizza consulting business where he would just slowly take like a little bit of cheese one day a little bit of sauce one day and a little bit of sauce one day, and just slowly make his own pizza. I hide it in my pants like Great Escape style. They did that in the office. Kevin has this way of getting a free Big Mac. Every day, I take one of the toppings from my Big Mac and save it. And at the end of the week, I've got a free Big Mac.

He's taking all the pickles off one day, all the meat off one day. By the end of the week, he has this rotten Big Mac. You were divine. You ever see the episode where Kevin had a turtle had gotten ran over and so no kevin ran a turtle over i think and he tried to fix its shell and he like super glued all this bullshit on its back but then he like dropped it and fell on it and crushed it even worse so by so

so he just keeps gluing more shit on and he's like fixed it and it's got this huge dome of bullshit glued to it and you can see its head hanging out of the shell. And it's very, very dead. Yeah, that show's great. I have a video here of the Jaeger wound purification. Oh, God.

I don't know if I want to watch this. It's like, I think he tried to pour some sort of a healing milk into his eyes. Is it just me? Some sort of elixir. This thing looks better to me. I think the fact that it's scabbed over shows significant healing in my mind.

You're only seeing one of the holes, though. There's multiple higher up on the leg. Oh, this is so bad. If you pause at zero seconds, I know your eyes are immediately drawn to the huge open wound on toenails but you really need to focus on those talons okay those box blades a big guy but i bet his zero to 60 speed his acceleration is incredible when he is able to apply those to to whatever surface he's running on. Carpet probably. That's just where I see him.

His species is native to carpet. When he's got a rush to the bathroom to vomit suddenly, he's really digging in with those and tearing loose. You ever see those ice climbers that give big kicks into the side of the mountain? Yes.

Get themselves higher up? Yeah. That's what he could do. This the longest since i started doing this show this is the longest in between appearances and i gotta say you guys are really just making me feel at home again with the alcohol in the wound and the the orangutan rape and i mean i just we like making our friends feel comfortable. It's like I never left, guys. I haven't watched it yet. I guess Steve's been sure. We want to go at zero and play?

Yeah, I'm at zero. I'm ready to play. I can't even see this. Ready, set, play. Do something. Why couldn't this be hydrogen peroxide? Oh, that'd be so satisfying to watch i'd pay for that that's the content we want at the end it says the streamer's name ah he really coded that is he being careful like not to waste it

like oh this is so fucking the The Greek Goober 251. Greek Goober 251, would you kindly put some hydrogen peroxide and neosporin on his wounds next time you catch him passed out? I need you to put some hydrogen peroxide on that shit. It's like $3 a bottle. All right. And it's so satisfying the way it foams up and sizzles. I mean, is this like because part of it is I'm like, oh, this is just a dumb person who knows that like alcohol sterilizes a wound and doesn't understand what type of alcohol but then like you see him giggling about it and be like oh this is a sadistic fuck it's because it's passed out it

wasn't like blade was like yeah sterilize my wounds he's unconscious from jaeger meister yeah yeah you didn't you didn't know that it's because blade's drink of choice is probably the sugariest alcohol you can choose which is jaeger like jaeger and fireball i can't imagine a more sugary grand marnier is that what you want to drink on the the orange one i believe it's grand gala which is the cheaper grand marnier and honestly i feel like it tastes better okay all you had to do was tell me that his drink of choice is jaeger for me to know he was an alcoholic yeah like that is what does that say to you jaeger like i don't know my alcohol that well jaeger most people are people who either you have a jaeger story or you haven't had your jaeger story yet like jaeger is always associated with like, Oh, remember that one night?

Well, because it's usually paired with Red Bull, like Jaeger and Red Bull is it's a Jaeger. That's a Jaeger bomb is Jaeger Red Bull. And so it's lends itself to being like, Oh, we're going to get a little crazier because I'm injecting a huge amount of caffeine into myself to artificially keep myself alert and awake and active when really I should be asleep.

Although when I was, when I was in college, we realized that Jaeger brow or so Jager Meister and Meisterbrou shared part of the name. Do you remember Meisterbrou? I don't think I've ever had Meisterbrou. Meisterbrou was like the cheapest of shitty beers. Like Natty Ice would make fun of Meisterbrou.

Like it was fucking awful. It might have been a regional thing, but it was terrible. But we realized we're like, oh, we could make Jager Meisterbrow like it was fucking awful it might have been a regional thing but it was terrible but we realized we're like oh we could make jaeger meisterbrow and so we decided to basically make like drop a jaeger shot into meisterbrow and it actually worked because the the cheapness of the meisterbrow kind of diluted the jaeger and so what could have possibly killed us actually ended up being alright. This is so funny. I just went to Meisterbrough Rate Beer.

Rated 1.15 out of 5 by the way. First comment. Spring break 84 in Fort Lauderdale at the Piggly Wiggly. There was a 15 foot mountain of cases stacked up as you walked in for $3.50 a case.

A friend said, that's not on sale. They're abandoning that shit. Well, of course, we bought 10 cases. Just a god-awful beer. It was almost frozen. You could barely choke it down. What else we got? From the worst beer ever thought up.

One time at a party in the barracks and i was in the service one of the guys brought this shit with him we threw him and his meister brow out never to return absolutely terrible brew my buddies came across 30 free cases in high school paid five bucks a case and that was overpriced got me drunk and hung over. Oh, the memories. Jesus Christ. None of these are positive. Yeah, this was garbage beer. But Jägermeister Brau was a fun word game. Yeah, it's fun. I don't have enough of a taste for beer to know what garbage beer.

I mean, I guess it seems to me that people who like beer and have liquor into beer, their, um, you know, into, into beer there, their idea of what a good beer is, is the opposite of mine. Like I love, I agree. I like Miller light. I like, I like Dos Equis.

Like I like those thin, watery, cold as ice beers. And they're all wanting some like dark Amber thing with, with notes of butterscotch in it and i'm like just tastes like the bad part of a pecan to me bro looks like he blended up the bad part of a thousand pecans and added water that's what this tastes like the darker a beer the worse it is at least in my taste like when they try and make the coffee and the chocolate and hazelnut and stuff

it's like are you making coffee or are you making beer? I'm just not into it. Yeah, and like maybe, oh, it's an acquired taste. I'm like, anything that's an acquired taste. Yeah, I don't want to acquire it. Yeah, exactly. Like, what if you applied that to other horrible things in life? Like, what if you said that to a rape victim?

It's an acquired taste? Yeah. I don't think that applies victim no one likes their first rape you have to build to it yeah i don't i don't think yeah you know what kyle this is exactly like beer yeah this is yeah it's the same first one's terrible of course but you have two or three that in a night by the fourth one. Kyle says no one likes the first rape. That's because he's putting himself in the victim's shoes. If you go on the other side. The worst part about beer culture is, it seems like there's hard and fast people who are like,

Oh, you drink piss water beer? You're drinking Bud Light? Wow, peon, idiot, low class, low IQ retard. I'm drinking a fucking Imperial Stout. It's 11% alcohol and it tastes like asshole, but I'm sophisticated. And then there are other people who are like, oh, I only like Miller Lite. Fuck anything other than that. I'm fine.

I don't like Stouts or Porters. I'm fine with IPAs as long as they're not too strong because I kind of like the bitter taste. But really, Bud Select, Bud Light, just regular Budweiser, all that's great. It's perfect. Super easy to drink. That's what you want. I'm going to drink Dos Equis like nine times out of ten, and then my second choice is going to be Corona,

and then my third choice is going to be Miller Lite, and all of them have to be cold as fuck. Corona smells like skunk, kind of. At least I feel like. I put so much lime in that shit, it smells good to me. It smells like fucking lime. I went on a tour of the Miller Brewery a while back in Milwaukee, and they give you lime in that shit it smells good to me it smells like fucking lime i went on a uh i went on a tour

of the miller brewery a while back in uh milwaukee and they give you at the end there's just a room where you just have whatever beer you want and it is the freshest fucking because it's right out of the brewery yeah and like tasting that as opposed to the garbage that miller usually tastes like i was like oh there's a huge difference yeah that's interesting do they have like weird stuff that wasn't available over the counter at the stores where it's like oh we got fucking raspberry

yes I think so but I was also like 21 yeah so probably already pretty drunk yeah so but what's weird there's no public transit that goes there and like they don't give a fuck about DDs. They just give everybody the beer. It's literally an episode of The Simpsons where Homer goes to the Duff Brewery,

and then the cops are waiting right outside like, get them, boys, like Chief Wiggum's out there ready to get them. They have something similar. We got a live one. In Atlanta, we have the Coca-Cola factory, and you can go in there and see the whole process of how Coca-Cola is made. They make you watch a fucking, basically a Pixar short of the Coca-Cola bears.

That's just a forced commercial. As soon as you walk in, you can, you can stand in a God awful line and take a look at the vault and go in the vault where they keep the secret recipe. But the best part is the very, very fucking end of the tour. When you go into this giant room full of soda fountains

they're like you can it's like a 360 degree thing like you walk around this circular soda fountain that each each fountain has like maybe a dozen flavors of soda and you've heard of like three of them like it's it's like it's like coca-cola products from the entire planet it just just all sorts of weird sodas that but but honestly as a kid that that sounded to me like a paradox like i can't wait to get in that room and try all the sodas you know you get there as adult and you're like oh yeah i know why they didn't pick this one yep i've got a stomach ache and i'm not even drunk. Yeah, like most of them are just garbage.

Couple things about Coke. So, one, I went on that tour, and there's one part of the tour where they, like, show you how they make Coke, and the people on the tour were so fucking dumb. So she goes, and then we put the carbonating agent in and then to make the bubbles we stir in a counterclockwise motion and all these people were like oh and i was like the carbonating agent was the part that made the bubbles called a joke yeah yeah now if you go clockwise this whole place will go up yeah that was pretty much

everybody was like oh um but also so danny jollis who's a comedian a buddy of mine he was picked to be like the new coke scientist in there like they were doing this whole huge commercial campaign and this is my favorite story that ever happened anyone in hollywood and he like the commercial came out months later and he found it on Facebook like it's not like they sent it to him like they stopped kind of communicating to him and he saw the commercial come up and he watched it and they replaced him it's his torso

they replaced his head and his arms with a cartoon polar bear that is so fucking good okay alright so that's funny I would be perfectly okay with that did they use his voice no so they didn't have to pay many residuals so fucking good no that okay all right so that's funny yeah that's i would be perfectly okay with that did they use his voice no so they didn't have to pay many residuals take that bitch all right that's actually super late now if they had used the polar bear limbs and and and head but

they kept his voice i'd be like oh i get it they're sticking with their brand it makes sense the polar bear is like their mascot but what the worst would have been if they had just put a more handsome man's head on his body it was when he got uh when he got signed by uh by a big management company uh one of the uh one of the people who worked at the laugh factor was like oh that's great congratulations who signed the polar bear it's like everybody gives him a shit for it it's the it's the greatest thing you can find the commercial online um it's it makes no sense like if you look at it you're like why the fuck would they do this this has nothing to do with anything i was driving home the other day this was the other i. This was the other, I talked about the, the airport earn thing on, on PKM,

but this is the other one that made me laugh. And I was driving home. I was trying to make a red light and I couldn't quite make it slam on my brakes. Damn it. And this car pulls up behind me and I'm just kind of sitting there. This is one of those intersections that's going to take four minutes, four or five minutes to, to get through. And I'm just sitting there kind of messing around on my phone. I look in my rear view mirror and there is a guy in the passenger seat with down syndrome and a goatee and a full like sure SM58 microphone in his hand, headbanging, clearly singing something loudly. And he did this. He did it when he pulled up he did it when i pulled away this was not a slowing there was no ebb and flow it was

headbang singing loud into this mic and sitting next to him in the driver's seat was the most exhausted father i've ever seen in my life oh the most tired guy and i was just laughing thinking about like that's my fucking socks you're trying to do something really nice for your for your kid who's got down syndrome singing but god how long do you have to deal with him undoubtedly singing the same song and headbanging to the same lyrics over and over how long do you have to put up with that that is rough so fucking rough so felt for that guy but also laughed because the the goatee on him was pretty funny i yeah i mean i i feel like that about kids in general like what's the difference between that and baby shark? I got to the bottom, Steve. Steve sent me this girl from, first of all, she's too old, Steve.

Sent me this picture of this girl from Tinder or something. I'm an easygoing, laid back country girl. I love to travel, be random, and have fun, smiley face. Five foot nine. And then right at the bottom, just before it starts fading out, i don't date outside my race what does the last part say if you don't know anything oh uh it was she said something about if you don't know anything about dates she was like asking people to be a gentleman this is this is uh this is as long as you're a white man yeah uh gentleman is often code for prostitution. Gentlemen is often code for prostitution, as are ladies who'd like some roses.

Yeah, I don't think she said, like, gentlemen. I think she was like, if you don't know anything about dates, don't contact me. But I sent this to my friend with a caption just like, you had me in the first half. Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong

with that. You had me in the third line. I don't think there's anything wrong with that You had me in the third line I don't think there's anything racist about what she's saying I think that's where you're allowed to have preferences with race She's not hiring at fucking Apple She's deciding who she's attracted to

If she said no gingers how offended would you be you know oh she should fuck women too otherwise she's misogynist i'm on the right here this is actually so so i absolutely see what you're saying in the eye the idea of like when people will be like oh i only date people who are i only date guys who are 5 10 or taller and short guys will get mad at that and it's like that's one person's preference. That's fine. Yeah, exactly. I think it's a little ridiculous on an app where she decides

who she swipes on for her to be like, and by the way, don't even dare swipe on me if you're not white. Well, she's just saving you some time, right? I didn't think about that. Yeah, because she's enabling all the swipes. That seems like a weird thing to add in. She's not saving you time at all. It's not like any of us read the profile i mean some people we all read

the profile well no i well yeah you know on the app i mean yeah most guys are just yeah swipe through i don't give a fuck what those ladies have to say yeah i don't think there's anything wrong with that i think there's a lot of like like like isn't that a big thing like um like in in the jewish community that a lot of a lot of people you know you want to find another jew right i'm not saying you in particular but but it yeah it's a thing it's a thing that uh i actually oddly enough i was on anderson cooper talking about this oh cool uh yeah this is a weird that's a weird thing now that you're here you can tell us the truth cooper it was uh i because I met my ex-wife on J-Date.

And so they like brought us on to talk about like why. And for me at the time, I was like, I just wanted to have someone who I didn't want to have to explain everything I grew up with to somebody. Like it wasn't a question of like, oh, we need to perpetuate the race like we're fucking John Connor and Terminator or whatever. Well, I mean, you got to make more jews right exactly it's like that's the only way to make more jews is by combining jewish ingredients i was looking for a wife that knew had an egg yeah yeah i was i just didn't want to have to explain better ingredients better people but i've also dated non-jews and i'm fine with it um but there are definitely people who religion wise but i think it's because religion is a large part of someone's life i think race making race a large part of your life that's weird to me i think it's a cultural

thing too right like like is judaism a race and a religion yes it's both right yeah no it's it's it's not a race oh i thought they could like genetically test and be like you're jewish okay how is it a race if there are black jews and white jews and you know sephardic jews and ashkenazic jews i don't know i don't really have a stance i was more asking i feel like i practice the religion of and look you you are one of them. So I... But remember, you're also trying to convince me to be

a Holocaust denier, so tread lightly here. And I have you right on the precipice. He's almost negged you to being a denial. Of one of those mass graves that didn't exist. So here's the thing.

And correct me, please. I want to be educated here, but I could practice the religion of Judaism. I could get myself a Torah and get down with it. That doesn't make me a Jew, though, I don't think. No, no, you would be religiously Jewish. Like, Hitler wasn't out looking for people with Torahs and yarmulkes. He was looking for a race of people. He was looking for both.

But also, modeling what you decide to do after Hitler is a weird strategy. I'm just saying, he's the expert in finding them. He had a professional group who worked Jew hunters. Right? Like, I'm not co-signing. Man, these are good and salient points. By the way, Kyle, my favorite reality show.

Jew hunter. Bad Jews, what you want? If Hitler had won, the cops would be, welcome to Jew hunters. Wait, is the Ethiopian Jew jew thing be patting the guy down got him oh it's completely real because i saw like so i saw some article where it was like the israeli government was like trying to uh incentivize like sterilization for ethiopian jews

and it was like what the fuck yeah yeah this is like a long like not a long time ago but a while ago like a bunch of ethiopian jews came there and that confused me like how did that start in ethiopia how did like jews get there well i don't know if you know this but jews were kicked out of a lot of places yeah yeah yeah why why it's weird for writing hilarious sitcoms yeah absolutely they were like we need our sitcoms to be less hilarious. You guys have to leave. You are really making the Germans seem not very funny. Yeah.

You're the funniest people. And if you say otherwise, I've got a train ride for you. I have a theory, though, because Hitler made over a thousand movies in 12 years. What? And I have a theory that that's part Hitler made over a thousand movies in 12 years. What? And I have a theory that that's part of why he didn't like Jewish people, because he was

jealous of the superior movies. Ah, the inglorious bastard theory. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, how did he make? Where did he have the time? Well, they were propaganda. Well, I mean, he's not behind not behind the camera going action or anything.

That's how I interpreted it. I pictured him as like a... You're picturing Hitler in an edit bay? This is so frustrating. In a dark room. I have to go back to Zivor at some point. I was putting it in his artist days when he made all these films. And I built a whole thing instantly in my head.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like the original youtuber you know he's pumping out a couple videos a day they made perfect sense to me right away you know it'd be funny as if like one of those movies it was like the german version please like comment and subscribe your your it really helps the channel and some guys it just like first first race what if 999 of his movies

sucked but then one was like the German no country for old men and everybody has to be like this one sucks too no it was called no country for Jewish men called No Country for Jewish Men. Yeah, it was called No Country for Jewish Men. It's not going to age well.

Yeah. Speaking of movies, this parlays really well. Has everybody seen The Irishman? Because I watched that last night. I know Woody and Kyle both have. Steve, have you seen it yet? I have not. Good for you.

Well, I'll let someone else kick off with what they thought it was a masterpiece all the acting is fucking incredible it's a wonderful movie it it is a long movie but it the time flew by i thought honestly it didn't feel like three and a half hours it did feel like more than two for sure um but it didn't feel like it was much longer than those than a lord of the Rings movie. And Joe Pesci fucking kills it. He's so good in the movie. The de-aging that they do, especially on Pesci and Pacino. De Niro, for some reason, looked a little plasticky at times for me.

But Pesci is a very old-looking guy these days. That's one of the reasons he doesn't act so much. It's because he looks poor poor, poorly, I guess. And they de-age him to the point where he's like late 40s. I would guess if I looked at him, but it's weird seeing someone that you're familiar with de-age. Because you actually did see them when they were that age. So it's maybe- It's like an uncanny valley kind of thing. It was incredible. I loved all the sort of, a lot of it's historical,

but then it's also someone else's take on some historical stuff. So like some of it can get a bit conspiracy theory-like because they are. And so they literally are. The Kennedy assassination. But it's really interesting to see their take on what happened to Jimmy Hoffa. Pacino plays Hoffa. De Niro plays the Irishman, who is a mob hitman, an Irish-Italian mob hitman.

And Joe Pesci plays like a boss in the mob. Not like the boss of bosses, but a high enough up guy that he's highly respected. And it's really good. It's a story about brotherhood. It's a story about brotherhood. If you look at how the men interact with one another, they show each other more love and more respect

and more intimacy than any of them show their female love interest. At what point do you see... We see Pacino and De Niro sleeping in the same bedroom and hugging each other and telling each other they love each other. And showing this huge amount of admiration and respect and love for one another. I believe they actually say, I love you. I hated the blowjob scene. The blowjob scene threw me off. That's where we differ.

I did DH his cock really well. It was three and a half hours long. That cock didn't have a wrinkle on it. It's three and a half hours long. What's DH-ing a cock? Double handing. Oh, okay, okay. I just made that up.

I don't know. I really liked all of the action scenes with De Niro. I thought that they were bad fucking ass. I thought they showed like, you know, when he'd talk about what he was going to do before he did it. Here, we're talking about movies. Everyone, if you haven't seen it yet, there are going to be spoilers because you can't really address the movie. I'm not spoiling anything. No, no, no. People will skip if they don't want to have it spoiled.

Check the timeline in the description. I won't spoil anything. I'm about to turn the floor over to Mr. Taylor who may in fact spoil a thing. I just wanted to finish by saying the acting was so good. It was really good. It's a rough story because it's a sad

story. These are guys who are sociopaths who have been damaged by hard lives. It's a, it's a rough story, you know, because it's a, it's a sad story. And these are guys who are sociopaths who have been damaged by hard, hard lives. So it's not a fun story. It's not a, but, but it is a bit of a rags to riches story. Um, you know, the De Niro starts out a truck driver and he works his way up until he's a very successful, very successful man. And, uh, his, his, his violence is very cool. Um, I cool um i that's probably the wrong way to put it it's a shocking turn his shocking turns of violence and the way he goes from this guy that you can have a conversation with and like share a glass of wine and some bread with and to to all of a sudden being the guy who's like yeah you, you bring two guns, one to kill and one as a backup. You don't kill the bodyguard.

Your problem's not with him. You just wing him. You disable him. And then you watch him put that plan into action, just like just walks in and just draws two guns and he's just, and then just gone. You know, I really enjoyed it. I loved it. I really enjoyed it.

I loved it. I liked it better. For me, I prefer it. I like it more than Casino, but I don't like Casino very much. I like Casino. I don't know where I'd rank it with Casino. I think Goodfellas is better. Goodfellas is better.

Oh, they're so fucking different. I liked Joker more. Yeah, i think i liked joker more but mostly because joker to me like like i didn't know what i was getting into like at all because i didn't watch any of the trailers with a gangster movie you know i knew where we were headed i knew that jimmy hoff it was an integral part of. So I knew where we're headed down that timeline too. With Joker, it was very surprising. And you kept, I kept being more and more surprised by just how dark it was getting. With this, it was,

it wasn't like a stereotypical gangster movie, but you know, it hits on a lot of the tropes. I recognize so many of the actors from The Sopranos and other like Italian mob movies. Yeah, they're like, mob movies. Every single Italian guy in Hollywood, come try out for this movie. Hey, does your name end in a vowel? Step forward.

They grab all the Pacino, De Niro, Pesci. Who am I missing? Big characters. Gugliano, Claudio. Those are certainly the main three, but if you've watched Boardwalk Empire and you've watched The Sopranos, you're going to recognize

a quarter of the remaining cast. Casino is whatever. I thought it was similar to Joker in that it sucked. They had that in common. I'm always one, I'm usually the odd man out on some of these movie recommendations, but

my problem with with Irishman, like to say there's no joy in it, kind of covers it. But like the lack of joy to me made it had a lack of an arc. It was a series of events, but I think I said this in the hangout. Do you know that scene in Casino

where the wife is like, I need some money. How much money? This much. And she holds her fingers like an inch apart. She wants an inch of money to go shopping. And he's like, yeah, I can do money. How much money? This much. And she holds her fingers like an inch apart. She wants an inch of money to go shopping. And he's like, yeah, I can do that. And he gives it to her.

They're high on life, right? This change in their position in the world has given them an arc. They start at the bottom. They go to the top. And then they find themselves in trouble with the law, which is a different kind of bottom. Cool. This doesn't have that it's just sadness all the way through there's never any joy there's never any things are going well it's just different kind of stresses that they battle from beginning to end in the beginning it's his truck isn't working well after that he's got some social

problem then another one then another one then another one and a lot of times these social problems involve somebody dying and like but he he went from a truck driver i'm sorry to interrupt but like he went he went from a truck driver to like a union president and like best friends with the most famous man in the country and like hobnobbing with celebrities and and like rubbing elbows with celebrities and stuff and like having all the money he could ever want and and literally upgrading his his wives as he went along like you know i like the first wife but this second one oh yeah and hey okay and he's he's he creates this great family like obviously his relationship with him is fucked because you know his especially with his with his oldest daughter because she sees right through him but he he has a huge rise to success but he wasn't happy about staying the same level for

every character because like i liked the kind of juxtaposition of jimmy hoffa and russ where it was like when jimmy hoffa was taken off and being super successful initially they're kind of all on the same page. And then, you know, a wrench gets thrown into the mix. And suddenly it's almost like Robert De Niro is a middleman between these two individuals. And when one thing is tremendously detrimental to one, but great for the other, he has to try and mitigate that. And I thought that was super interesting. So like, yeah, it wasn't happy in like then directly sad or anything like that,

black and white. But I could definitely see ups and downs for the characters. Like Robert De Niro was much higher at certain points than he was at others. When he was feeling like he had to betray, you know, Russ or Jimmy Hoffa or whatever, depending on the situation you could see that was troubling to him. But usually in one of those situations up until near like the end which is like the last hour or i guess like the

middle 45 minutes because the last hour is just fucking sad straight up fucking just made me so that's what i like in a movie a good hour of you like to feel something come on yeah but i didn't i unless you count boredom like like no there are movies that made me feel bad, that made me feel damaged. And it's not like I enjoyed the movie, but I respected the movie, right? This didn't do that. I was just like, oh, my God. All those years in high school detention prepared me to make it to the end of this horrible movie. Oh, no.

I could exist in boredom. I could not disagree more. One to ten. One to ten one to ten taylor i think i said joker was a nine so i would give this an eight i really really enjoyed it and it was one of the i i clicked it on three and a half hours long and i had to like pause a couple times because like the dogs were being annoying as shit but then like when i would come back and play it again rewind a little bit, make sure I didn't miss anything, by the end of it, I was like, holy fuck, three and a half hours

have passed. I got invested into every character. I got attached to Jimmy Hoffa. I got attached to De Niro's character. I got attached to Russ, who's a... Even Matt Damon was great. Yeah, I got really into all of their stories, and it was good.

And it was so fleshed out. Something I saw as a criticism of it is like, oh, there's too much driving. There's too much of them just going place to place. Like the same Lord of the Rings style thing where it's like, oh, you don't need to see them marching through Mordor, marching through Rohan or whatever.

But instead of Lord of the Rings where it was marching like high camera, no VO, no real story progression, this was like the car rides they were taking. I felt like I was learning more about the intricacies of the characters. I was getting more attached to them. I was learning the way each of them spoke and their mannerisms and their temperament. And so by the time it got to the end, and there's already been some spoilers, but there's going to be spoilers right now. So please skip ahead if you don't want to hear that because i have to talk about the last hour of the movie so skip ahead if you don't want spoilers but the last hour 50

minutes or whatever the movie where it's showing because usually these these movies about italian gangsters or whatever they go to prison and then that's kind of it or they get locked up they're standing there you know facing the judge and he gives them a life sentence and that's it. And then it's just kind of them reminiscing for a couple of minutes. This, it was kind of following the late in life of Robert De Niro, where it's like he kind of did the thing that Woody's spoken about, where it's like, oh, the first 50 years of his life, constant action, making money, making moves, fucking women, having power, having influence.

And then once he's aged out and he's still kind of trying to live that gangster life and those young FBI agents or whatever are coming to him in the nursing home and saying, hey, you can tell us everything about what happened

in your life as a gangster. Who are you protecting? Everyone you know in that world is dead. Nobody in that world now cares what you have to say. It's all over. It's over. Tell us what happened. And he still holds on to that, almost like a little last olive branch of,

this is who I've been my entire life, and I'm not going to give up on this. And then you see the sadness of him because throughout, even though he got all the pussy, all the money, all the influence, all the power he wanted, he alienated every single person who was truly close to him and that truly loved him. And so his later part of life is just sad. And it felt more like almost realistic. Sounds kind of dumb to say, but it felt kind of like a realistic way for a person like that to end their life where it's everyone you ever gave a fuck about is either dead or they have alienated you

because they see you as a damaged, dangerous person. And it was sad. The two things he loved most, or the two people he loved most in his life were Pacino's character and Pesci's character. Because if you notice at the end, the only thing he's got left over from that world, the watch

that Pacino gave him and the ring that Pesci gave him. That's it. So I gave the Joker like a 6 or 6.5 out of 10. So it was disappointing for me because people were calling it a masterpiece. And I could see through that lens. I get it. It hit the bullseye it was aiming for. I just

didn't like it. This movie, I'm giving a 3, 3.5 out of 10. I honestly felt like it was a below average movie. I give it an 8 as well. I agree with Taylor. I think it was excellent. I loved it. As someone who saw neither The Irishman nor The Joker,

can I weigh in for a second? Please. Go for it. Welcome to the show. Never let ignorance keep you from saying what you want to say. Welcome to the show. This is should be out of my tombstone um that the problem i did not see the joker and the reason i wasn't interested in it is because a the timeline is fucking ridiculous like the idea that he would be in his 60s at least when batman was finally batman he's so much older than

batman oh i see what you mean yeah yeah i see what you mean yeah like that's ridiculous but also the idea that he's a bumbling fool and he somehow becomes the greatest criminal mastermind that ever existed like he was almost at least what i got from the movie is that he was almost like an idiot savant was there anything in the movie that showed that this guy could outwit the best detective that ever existed no all you need is clown makeup and uh gasoline apparently yeah and anger right it's just all out of anger but one interpretation could be that he's not the joker that that we necessarily see in the in the in the batman Oh, like the Dread Pirate Roberts. It could be a Dread Pirate Roberts Roberts scenario.

Thanks. A very good Princess Bride reference. And or it could it could be sort of that he inspired, you know, clearly he was inspiring thousands of Joker to. Oh, you didn't watch the movie. He spawns like a following of thousands of people who are like anarchists and nihilists yeah are also don't you know wear his like costume essentially okay so then he's not the that actual one that's possible he might not be they don't come right out and say that but i want to

drill down a little more into into woody's interpretation of the irishman though like were you not drawn and attached to any of the characters? Like, did you see kind of their driving around kind of slow talk scenes as, oh, this is boring? Or were you like, oh, I'm learning more about how De Niro is, like when he's willing to fib and not fib, depending on who he's speaking to. And like kind of seeing that build his character. What was what I said? I didn't get I didn't enjoy the part that you're talking about. What I did like was their speaking discipline, right?

So they'd never, they always spoke in code, a fairly easy to interpret code, but it was like, yeah, you know, this guy, you know,

he's being challenging now and we have to solve these problems. And the other guy would just like, maybe not even a, maybe a nonverbal response. Maybe just a nod or something. And it's like, shucks. I think they just ordered a murder. Yeah. And he accepted it. And I like.

I'm sorry. No, no, please. I was going to say, I like when they cleared it up. So there wouldn't be any misunderstanding. Like, there were a few times when he was like, this guy's a real problem. This guy's a real problem. We have to do something. And then Daryl's like, gives him like, something needs to be done. He was like, this guy's a real problem. We're going to have to do something.

De Niro gives him a look like, something needs to be done. He's like, not that. Not that. When you're telling De Niro that somebody's a problem and he's like, so they're a problem? You've got to be real quick to be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, De Niro. More of an annoyance. More of an annoyance. A big annoyance.

No! Like a hangnail. Take a breath. More of an annoyance. A big annoyance. No! No! No! Like a hangnail. So you want me to hang him? No, but it was kind of fun. Read me aloud and clear. There was three hours of that very disciplined dialogue. Like, speaking in it, I call it a code, as if that's hard to interpret it but it is a code

it's just a simple one that we all understand and uh to watch them do that on and on and never say anything incriminating and and like that was kind of interesting to me in my mind the irishman really had two talents or maybe a couple talents let's not list them in advance but one was the ability to keep a secret he could do that uh two he didn't seem to say the wrong thing i put myself in his shoes and my gosh what i i never crack a joke about this guy when i'm with this guy my entire life you do that once and you die right yeah and uh but irishman would never do that once he could go several lifetimes measured thank you and i thought that was interesting. Yeah.

Do you want to say something? Did you see the, cause a lot of people were complaining that it's too long. Mm-hmm. Eden Dranger, who's an actress has an amazing tweet about it where she said, she said, the Irishman is too long.

Said some dude whose podcast is 652 minutes. Yeah. Oh, bullseye. No No I tweeted about it And I said like the worst thing about the Irishman Is it's going to convince a bunch of Non Scorsese directors that they can Pull off a three and a half hour movie

Yeah that's a Great point when I finished watching the Irishman Such a good movie I thought everyone was going to Hate it that's not what happened. It turns out I'm in the minority. And I think it has Rotten Tomatoes like 95% or something. That's close. But I was like, oh, everyone's going to rip on Scorsese for ripping on Marvel movies that he hasn't even seen.

They're going to be like, look at your washed up ass. That didn't happen. This is better than any superhero movie that's ever existed. And I say that having seen 5% of modern movies. It's better than Thor 2. Or than Thor 2, The Hammerer. St. Louis. Yeah, The Hammerer, St. Louis.

It's just Thor going around St. Louis with a ball-peen hammer. Yeah, it doesn't even bring his good one. He's got Ace Hardware. Did you look up the Rotten Tomatoes score? Yeah, it actually went up from the other day. It's 97 now. People love it.

But I try to give my honest feedback anyway. I think there will be a chunk of viewers, more than 3%, who see what I saw too. I think it's like i think it's no problem to dislike yeah there's no there's no problem it's like a movie people like i hated bohemian rhapsody and a lot of people are like what are you talking about it was wonderful i was like that's the it's one of the worst pieces of shit i've ever seen yeah i got that on itunes no no need for to watch that i don't know what i'm missing something uh bohemian rhapsody is you know about about

the queen biopic queen biopic and i don't think i've seen it it's it's fucking music you know i i've heard i've heard the songs i like them well the they basically they take the story and completely they hollywood eyes it to the point like there's one point where he he gets a big call from his like from the potential representation but they call him at his parents house on his birthday like it's just one of these things we're like what what just have them call him when he's home where he would be reached like there were like little things like there it's two hours of that yeah yeah i um i don't know i uh i i think this is the greatest thing netflix has ever done uh probably like because netflix did this did this they produced this whereas with something like house of cards they were a bidder for a finished product i believe

um you know so that that's not really you can call it a netflix original but it's netflix produced this and uh and i i hope that they do more stuff like this i thought it was cool they bought that movie theater in new york um i don't know what netflix's future is they just keep buying going more and more in debt um maybe at some point you know the there's a there's a curve and and it's they've just got so much original content that they can just dig their way out of it. I don't know how that works, but the people there seem to think that it works. It amazes me that like there are networks and companies in general who are like, oh, we need to stay in our lane. Right there.

You know, the I mean, newspapers did that forever or they're like, oh, we're in the newspaper business. That's what we do. Meanwhile, Netflix was a DVD distribution company when it started right yeah like amazon just sold books exactly ebay was a fucking pez dispenser shop like it was a marketplace that's how it started cool no idea yeah i didn't know that about ebay things some of these that you mentioned seem like natural evolutions though well newspapers would have been true yeah but netflix is like evolution has gone from the dvd delivery it makes sense to go from dvd dvd delivery to the streaming service um but to go all the way to like movie producers who are funding a scorsese film and have it all to themselves.

I mean, are you even going to be able to buy that thing on DVD? Like, how does that work? It depends. It'll depend on what they want to do if they want to distribute on other channels as well. Like half the stuff, half the stuff that's on CBS or NBC was made by one of the other two companies at one point. Yeah, that's but but they're incestuous in that way like standard tv networks are traditional tv networks like like oh you want to you want you want everybody loves raymond on on your channel sure it's in syndication go for it but like everybody

seems to like turn the cold shoulder to netflix like they want to starve them out or something when you can't it's like no just put their movie in your fucking theater and and and let's put it up for oscar consideration if it's good like i don't know why those movie theaters won't even they were the first they were the first like arrested development winning the emmy that it won that was the first time a non-traditional tv network won an emmy i didn't know that and yeah it was like that's the first time any digital... That is what changed the face of television because that

allowed people to be like, we need to take this seriously now. I look forward to seeing if there's Oscar consideration for The Irishman because Joe Pesci in particular I thought really stole the show. I felt like he was the best of them all but you know I

Was glad that you got a more subdued Pacino than you have in several decades because he's often just a wild man He's super pumped up and loud and you did get some of that But you got it at appropriate times when either he's very angry or he's given a public speech, you know He's an energy energetic boisterous guy because he's playing an energetic, boisterous guy. But he could be subdued when he's having just a regular fucking conversation with De Niro in a hotel room or at a bar or a restaurant. I like that he toned it down and wasn't insane.

De Niro, you got kind of a standard. De Niro is always very good. But Pesci. Oh, my God. Best actor. I think that's a really interesting topic, right? So I'm going to show my bias. But Joaquin Phoenix, did I get his name right?

No. Joaquin. Joaquin Phoenix. Joe Pesci. It's Juan, actually. It's pronounced. Juan Phoenix. Yeah, Juan Phoenix.

Mr. Phoenix. Joe Pesci. Here's my bias. What the fuck is Iron Man's name Robert Downey Jr. in the final movie that he does in there there's some big performances this year

I feel like bigger than normal I would give it to Joaquin Phoenix over anyone him as the Joker was so fucking good it's funny of all the my least favorite movie but I thought Joe Pesci's performance was the best of those three he was great don't get me wrong but like the way that joaquin phoenix made the joker his own and didn't do like a derivative or anything of heath ledger which i feel like a lot of these people are tempted to do because they're like well we already found

the winning formula let's do this then i'll die of a heroin overdose in my hotel room or whatever. Is that how it died? I don't know. I don't fucking know. But yeah, Joaquin Phoenix definitely, definitely should win Best Actor. You should watch that movie just because you would like it. You would like watching his acting, even if the age difference turns you off a bit.

Well, I mean, the age difference was one of the things. I think the biggest thing for me was the idea that it's off a bit. Well, I mean, the age difference was one of the things I think that I think the biggest thing for me was the, the idea that like, it's about a bumbling idiot. And like, that's not the Joker.

But he's, he's not a bumbling idiot. He's a mentally ill, depressed, completely shit on by society kind of guy. And so it's not that he's so dumb, he can't figure stuff out. It's that he does have a mental illness,

but he's not debilitatingly stupid or something. He just doesn't fit in with everyone else. And so when he finally does get people that like him and he's fitting into the clown group at the end and everything, you see him come alive in a different way. Maybe I'm biased because I thought the Joker was fucking fantastic, but yeah, Joaquin Phoenix definitely should get Best Actor. Probably won't, but yeah.

I hope he does. I really do. Let me slip in this last advertisement here. Wait, before you do, real quick. I'm actually going to be filming a movie tomorrow. Oh, hell yeah. What are you filming? I'm going to be in a Lifetime thriller. Oh, as the rapist or the evil man?

I'm a character that there's a moment where you're like, is that the bad guy? And then it's like, no, he's hapless and stupid. That's why you hated the Joker idea. That's exciting, Steve. That's awesome, dude. I'm happy for you.

I thought for sure it was going homemade porn when he first announced this movie that's where i was headed yeah um no it's i'm not sure if i'm allowed to announce the title yet but i play uh i play a guy in a yoga class who like who uh hits on the main character and is very and is like very clueless to what's going on around him where because like the other uh there's another guy in the class who's like all suspect too and uh and i'm just a big goofball who like calls the yoga studio the dojo dude your character's cool i'm just like what brings you to the dojo

it's very dumb but it should be a lot of fun that's awesome you're wearing your gi I'm just like, what brings you to the dojo? It's very dumb, but it should be a lot of fun. You're wearing your gi. Oh, it should totally show up in a gi. Hot yoga in a gi. He's so sweaty. Proud of your sensei. You refer to the instructor as sensei.

I should totally do that. Well, I get to like, there there's I have to take it like as the script is written once. But if once I get a take with that, like I'm just allowed to do what I want. And so like that's that's why I want to like when he says he has to leave instead of leaving. I want him to say I got to scoot scoot just because like I feel like he'd be that kind of just dumbass who's speaking weird. Yeah. Well, this episode of PK, I look forward to seeing that. Thank you. I'll definitely watch the parts with you in it.

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with Squarespace. Check them out. How you make a website. And one more thing with the movie. The reason I have a beard right now is because I'm shaving it down to a mustache for it tonight. Very nice. Is it going to be like a real Yosemite Sam that comes all the way down? Maybe much smaller. I was thinking, I i was trying to figure it no not not a really small one no

not not a really small i mean i don't want to deny that that's a good thing but uh i was thinking like i was thinking not a full one that goes down but definitely like longer than it should like to hear at least least. Yeah, like a cop stash. There'll be makeup there, right? Yeah. Yeah, you probably just leave them enough to do whatever they want with it, I would guess. Yeah, I just figure that kind of guy would have a mustache.

Yeah, a little one. Yeah, just... You're really pushing for that. I did that a couple years ago two years ago I did like a like a charity you can have me shave my beard into whatever you want and the winner was a

tie between Hitler stash and soul patches and so they made me do both yeah so I did I did the Hitler stash and then I did like the like these things oh is that i thought the soul patch was this thing oh oh i was thinking of the wrong thing what's the what's these then lamb chops i think lamb chop whatever it was it was like the these on the side not connected

and then the hitler stash and i had to go uh what mutton chops? Kind of, but without it being connected, which was weird. I had to go... I wanted to go get poke, and I was like, I'm not going to go to the place I usually go because I look like this. So I just went to a different place. So you

have a new topic. I do. I wish Taylor was here. I got to piss so bad. We can't lose both of topic. I do. I wish Taylor was here. I got to piss so bad. We can't lose both of you. I know! Do an intermediate topic. I'll just go right now. You want to race?

No, I'm just going to pee my pants. Do you know the scene in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? I don't think so. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is theirty Rotten Scoundrels. I don't think so. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is the Steve Martin or Michael Caine where they're conmen. Uh-huh.

And there's one scene. It's one of my favorite movie scenes ever. There's one scene where he's playing like a guy who's got like, you know, a lot of mental disabilities. And he just goes, may I go to the bathroom? And they say yes. And he just pauses and he goes, thank you. Fantastic.

While Taylor's gone, instead of giving presents, Santa now puts things that you've lost or were stolen from you under the tree. What would you be most excited to see under the tree? Oh, this is like a hypothetical. I thought you were saying this is really happening. No, no, no. Kind of a better than would you rather. So Santa puts things that were lost or stolen from you under the tree.

What would you be most excited to see could you count the next girlfriend right mine is my physique from 1992 how about a dead grandparent yeah these are all great things to put i did i thought she'd be alive oh god damn genie the smell the monkey's paw um is that what you wanted ex-girlfriend back that was your that was the first thing you came to no I mean that was I was just saying it as a joke right uh yeah just a sad sad

joke that I'll wistfully think about later um no if it's uh if it's like an item that's lost or stolen uh like that's a i don't have i don't think i have anything that i i guess there was a shirt i really liked i left at a hotel once but i'm trying to think if there's anything i'm usually pretty good at knowing where my shit is okay taylor yes santa puts things that you lost or were stolen from you under a tree what are you most excited to see under the tree

uh shit i've lost i had my physique from 1992 that's what oh that's clever i like that oh my uh from 1992 is i was a baby mine is taylor's physique from 1992 is I was a baby. Mine is Taylor's physique from 1992. I'm pretty good on trips, not leaving stuff behind. I know I left a brand new goalie stick behind once. I think it was Detroit or Chicago when I was 16, and my dad was furious. so that would be something i

wouldn't want back because i have no use for it now um i got my pocket picked at warp tour 2008 so that would be nice there was there was 50 in that wallet and i didn't i wasn't able to buy any water or snacks the rest of the day and it really ruined the whole event just a group that never lost anything of value right here. I'm just trying to think of something like I would lose that I would want back. I mean, I guess that 50 bucks then from 2008,

I had my car got broken into once and the thief left more than they stole. Holy. Retard. My car. Oh, good. My first car. I'd love to have back.

I crashed it. Oh, that's not lost or stolen. Is that ruined? have back. I crashed it. Oh, that's not lost or stolen. Is that ruined? I would say I lost it. Well, it was stolen from him by fate. Yeah, fate stole it. Yeah.

My car got broken into, and I had a pool cue that was a gift from my dad. And it was worth $80. Right. But the guy left a pair of Prada sunglasses that were worth like $180. And so I sold those on eBay. And like I profited off the break. And he didn't take pool sticks. Yeah, there were other stuff like there was literally there was about five bucks in change in the cup holder.

And there was also this was back in the days when everybody had like a GPS that was worth like a bunch. And there was also a serious satellite radio in there and like he didn't take any of that he just took the pool cue and left the fuck his sunglasses it was ridiculous it's santa burglar what the fuck are you guys ready for the good topic yeah yeah oh that wasn't the good one no is it joe biden calling someone fat doing push-ups no No. It's this guy. Jason Derulo claims he was only semi-aroused in his Instagram photo. So this guy, I think I have his name right, Jason Derulo, he posted a few Instagram pictures that they took down,

and he's got his giant anaconda. He's in his underwear. Have you guys scrolled down to the picture yet? Yeah, I see the penis. He just has an erection and he's trying to be like, no, I'm not actually hard. He's fresh out of the pool. But what this does is it validates what I said about dick pics way back, way back, right? Steve doesn't know. But I thought the key to taking a successful dick pic was to be semi-aroused and play it off like you're not right he posts this

pic as if he doesn't have a hard-on but the truth is he's not flaccid in this picture he's engorged to some you know how your soft dick is like sticking out like that you know how your soft dick is when it's hard? Yeah. And then also look at the background, the way his necklaces are, his intentional pose. Imagine thinking that even 1% of this wasn't thought of beforehand. It's just a candid, Taylor. He hopped out of the pool. That's shrinkage to this gentleman. Now, this is a gentleman who got way too overconfident in himself and didn't give the public the intelligence

respect they deserve because people can see right through this yeah you have an erection sir are you are you just hopped out of the pool where's the where's the where's the dripping you look like conor mcgregor at a weigh-in dude oddly quaffed that is interesting yeah yeah i don't believe him you're uh jason der, I don't believe you for a minute. My word carries on. Is this guy a rapper? He's famous for auto-tuning the first part of that song. He's like, Jason Derulo, that kind of shit.

Are you making this up? No, but most rappers, he says his name at the beginning. In case you forgot who this was, this was Lil Wayne. Isn't that a weird thing that they do? Self-promotion. They took down his Instagram photo and he's saying that it's some sort of

anti-man's... I don't know. If it were erect nipples, nobody would say... If it were erect nipples, he'd totally get away with this hey what if it were an erect vagina he's like i can't help my size i'm just born this way it's not his fault like they wouldn't take down a picture of a woman with giant jugs right she's just born that way it's not her fault most of instagram yeah that's not even how your dick

goes when it's soft it would be folded up oh, Taylor, when you have a limp 16-inch dick like I do, sometimes it wraps around the edge. You tuck it, you push it down, so your balls squish around on either side, and then you tuck it into your ass. If he pushed it down, it would come to his mid-thigh. Yeah, no, it wouldn't because he's hard. He could lose a leg and it would be fine

it's so funny thinking that he took this picture and he's like yeah everybody's gonna believe me you fucking retard of course not you're walking around with an erection and a very planned out picture oh that's a candid

fresh out of the pool for him that shrinkage that's a candid fresh out of the pool for him that shrinkage that that's a that's a candid if i ever saw one yeah a candid he just happens to be standing in front of a smoke machine you ever seen that shit where like uh like on social media it'd be like some chick some some thought who's like oops dropped my phone it took a series of photos and it's her like bent over in a perfect pose with her asshole out and like her tits together and it's like you didn't drop your phone this is subreddit devoted to that oops i didn't mean to have you seen it this sounds really familiar kyle may have mentioned or maybe

you have i i i probably falsely give credit to kyle too much for all the reddit stuff because yeah but but yeah anyway there's a whole subreddit devoted to girl mostly girls some guys who are like yeah it's called what oops didn't mean to i don't know can i ask i need to ask a question um i this is one of those things of like it's too late i'm afraid to ask kind of thing where the hell did thought come from uh i think it stands for that hoe over there. Yeah. Oh, see, I'm glad I asked. Yeah.

See, I was funny enough. I was in the same boat for a while until I saw like, don't you hate that when there's an internet term and you have no fucking clue what it means. And then nobody will, will ever ask and spell it out. So yeah, I'm glad you,

I might be wrong. I'm pretty sure it's that hoe over there. I think you're right too. I think there's more than one but that's like the general my phone fell while it was on a timer and this is what it got just me out in the freezing weather taking pictures for

my fans and it's her like in a short catholic girl skirt going teehee oops I didn't mean to yeah this is oops didn't mean to let me sometimes there's some not safe for works photos in there. I can't just scroll it for the viewers. Yeah, there's the link for you.

The top, what did I do? Top this month. Definitely that hoe over there. I thought there was another one too, but everything just points to that. Yeah. This one's in Spanish. Might as well be you know latin no idea

oh this is a great one uh someone uh someone wrote me and my boyfriend bought a couch from him today and it's a series of texts so they're like i'm in front of building six in a black gmc and then he goes hey you were both attractive would you be interested in a threesome tonight if not totally and he goes sorry my drunk brother sent that i'm so sorry don't mind us ah my drunk brother sent it a classic yeah yeah my drunk brother often tries to get me laid when i'm passed out he's a real cool bro yeah no that's that's stupid very stupid yeah oh this is one where someone uh sent a picture of like cleavage and she goes i'm sorry my son had my cell phone he was the one who sent the picture i'm sorry i'm sorry it's like oh your son has a picture of your cleavage accused florida man

says his cat downloaded child porn not him i believe him yeah these cats are getting too tech savvy that's what the real problem is here is these tabby stands for totally about baby butts yeah so i'm i'm open to the idea that this is like some sort of middle finger deep fake that trump just flips the bird to who is this the italian prime minister or something oh that doesn't look real at all let me that's not even a deep fake that's that looks like shallow fake yeah oh yeah this isn't real no i choose to believe this is real oh actually you're right it's fake and the smile afterwards looks double fake maybe i'm just maybe faces are harder to do but yeah now the smile looks like something he would do

but like that looks like he's got his hand and suddenly someone put a carrot on it like it doesn't even look like a real finger yeah maybe that's not real we haven't done the Joe Biden funny clip yet have we no do we have a good

link of that we could all watch which one not the one we discussed last time Do we have a good link of that we could all watch? Which one? Not the one we discussed last time. The one of him challenging someone to a push-up battle and saying they're fine. Oh, I'll look for it. I haven't actually seen that. Ooh. Let me find it.

I think I liked it on Twitter for just this reason. Who calls him a damn liar? Here's a minute and 35 seconds. Let me see what the quality is like. All right, here we go. Oh, it's excellent. All right, I'm linking it. Okay. I hope this hurts Biden. I saw it like CNN is now now obviously pro-democrat and they're like i don't think showing a little passion is so bad oh god i think now is in this case i'm pro-democrat and that's why i don't want biden to win some say alzheimer's is endearing more 11 i get that sometimes passion isn't bad i think when uh i it was Beto who used curse words or something after a shooting. It worked for him, right? The people liked it.

But this, I don't think anyone could like it. Yeah, yeah, but he actually got a bump from that. It just didn't. Yeah, Beto shouldn't That was something where it's like if he had simply just waited and ran for governor, like he'd be governor of Texas

in the next election. Like he had such political capital and ran for governor, like he'd be governor of Texas in the next election. Like he had such political capital and then he decided to spend it all on a failed election for president. Yeah, and it was like right after he lost to Ted Cruz in his own home state. And it's like, dude, what the fuck are you thinking? Like you're going to just be known as a loser now.

I mean, it's Ted Cruz's home state too. Yeah, he did come close to being a Democrat. Yeah, you phrase it kind of weird. Like a Democrat in Texas is not, it's easier to be a state, too. Yeah, he did come close to being... Yeah, you phrase it kind of weird. Like, Democrat in Texas is not... It's easier to be a Democratic president than a Democratic governor in Texas. But, Woody, let's say you're a Democrat in North Carolina and you lose to the Republican.

Do you then think, I'm going to run for president? People in my own state that were more, you know... And not only a Republican, but the most hated Republican. Lion... What was it? hated Republican. Lion J... What was it? Lion Ted. Lion Ted was fun, but now there's a bunch of liars. And he's got better nicknames now.

You guys want to watch this? This is horrific. Shakey shift. You guys ready? So we're ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. But you win the other hand.

With some bad audio, that's your son over there. He did a job and worked for a gas company that he had no experience in. I said nothing. In order to get access to the president. So you're selling access to the president just like he is.

You're a damn liar, man. That's not true. And no one has ever said that. No one has ever said that. Lots of people said that. You see how it'll be. No, I really do. And by the way, that's why I'm not sending it to you.

I don't like it. And no, let's go. Call them fat. Look, the reason I'm running is because I've been around all the time and I know what the most people are talking about. And I can get things done. That's why I'm running. And if you want around all the time and I know what everyone's talking about. And I can get things done. That's why I'm running. And you want to check my shape? Let's do push-ups together.

Let's do this front. Let's do everything. Check his shape? I didn't see you even talking. I said let's take an IQ test. Oh my God. I did not on any occasion. And no one's ever said it. I didn't say you were going to do it for the wall. Oh my God. Yes, you do. You did do that with your son, dude.

You called him fat, right? Yeah, he just said, look fat. Right? He said, look fat, like it's his new nickname. Well, I knew you were, man. You think I thought you said I'm both of you are too old to go funny. Oh. Disgusting. Okay, first of all, that too old to vote for me, that's a knock I have. Everyone applauded that.

That's a bullshit line it's not funny i think sometimes when when you're the man in that environment people give you the benefit of the doubt wait which line what'd he say you're too old yeah he's like the questioner said i'm not voting for you and he goes i know you're not you're too old to vote for me and everyone laughed and clapped he should have been i'm too young to vote for you right yeah yeah it wasn't a good line and did you see the clip where warren was asked about the uh about the person saying uh i'm trying to remember exactly what it was um she had a couple really good lines about uh like the same-sex marriage i don't watch the debates or anything yeah so she was

asked it was a town hall thing um and she was asked about someone who was saying that like you know that uh marriage between uh men or whatever it was she was like well first of all i'm assuming that the person asking this question is a man. Like it was and it got like a big laugh. It was very funny. And she and then she handled the question with grace and it was fine. And like seeing how upset he got by that question. Right. It's too easy to rattle him.

That's what I want. If I was that guy and I think I'm a better speaker than that guy in the sweater. I would I would be like, hey, you're going to need to be able to answer this. You think that I'm tough? When you're on the stage with Donald Trump and he's calling you names and he's assigning you new labels and he's bringing up your son

day after day after day, you need to be prepared to deal with this question. You're blowing your top over me? I'm a plumber. You're about to go in the big leagues and you don't look ready. If he had said that to Biden, I would love to hear how he comes back. I hope he challenged me

to a push-up contest because I take that. He'd call him fat again. I've got you this rattled. I can't wait to see what Donald Trump does to you. Right? He destroyed 16 Republicans and beat Hillary Clinton. You're going to cry? You're going to challenge him to a push-up Clinton. You're going to cry? You're going to challenge him to a push-up contest?

You're going to get mad and try to alpha Donald Trump when you're half his size? You're not good at your job, Joe Biden. Part of your job is to win these elections. And I'm watching you get upset over fucking Tim Allen's neighbor and whatever that show was. Wilson, home improvement.

Thank you, home improvement, yeah. Thank you, home improvement. Yeah, like he's going bonkers over this guy in the sweater. You lost your top? You challenged him to a push-up contest and an IQ test? Dude, if Joe Biden at his age scores over a 90 in an IQ test, I will eat my hat. What if the guy had been like, let's go, and he takes that that sweater off and he's one of those guys who's deceptively muscular like he's like a joe

rogan body where you think maybe he's overweight but when it but you know he's got the alex jones body he pulls it up and he's just rippling with muscles he's playing he's one of those fucking like pushed out abs yeah he's one of those venice beach old guys and he's and he's cranking out like like the ones where you clap in the middle and meanwhile joe biden starts doing them from his knees joe biden is doing the funky chicken forgetting where he was dude that could have been the most humiliating thing of all time if if that man beats him in a push-up contest, I think he literally loses.

He's not going to get put up anyway. It's going to be Warren. And I like Bernie more than Warren, frankly. Look at all the other candidates. Look at the major ones. Bernie, Warren. I like to put Buttigieg in there. Let's throw Yang in there. Okay. I said let's throw Yang

in there because I like him. None of those guys would have blown their top over that question. All of them would have been able to answer it with grace and come back and explain what the scoop is with that thing. Or at least deflect effectively. Yeah, just change the subject.

The idea when he's like, no one's saying that. That is actually the main Republican talking point. Right. Heck, even the Bill Maher, he's a guy I connect with a lot. Of course, you know, Bill Maher, you're in comedian service. But for people that don't know, he's on Politically Incorrect from HBO. And I connect with him on a lot. And he's like, man, Joe Biden's on this thing. I don't like it. I don't like it. It's not a good look. Hunter Biden got this job, and you know he got it

because of his political connections. It's, you know, Trump is doing it. There's a little what about him-ism there. You think Donald and Eric are getting these deals in Scotland without their connections? No. This happens. I don't like it.

Yeah. It's the way it is's the correct way for him to deflect there like when he was like he like embodied the well what's like the little phrase like me thinks dot dot protests too much where as soon as he's like you're saying my son got a job in ukraine at a gas company because of me what it's like it's like now you're giving it too much attention what he should have said if he was smart was i'm not going to address fox news talking points that would have worked that'd be better i wouldn't like it enough it's not even true but it's enough to get the

people that are in because he's not arguing with that guy he's arguing with the the mentality of every single person in the audience who's watching him getting you know scrambled up there and that would help diffuse it so like biden honestly if if the democrats put up biden i will be blown away at that incompetency because he is going to get slaughtered so that in a one-on-one with trump trump will humiliate him the democrats put up up Hillary last time, right? And I liked your phrasing on that. In that they had the superdelegates. She started with the giant lead. The DNC worked with media to give her an advantage.

This time, they're going way in the other direction. They're putting all 16 people on stage. I don't think the Democrats, unless you're talking about the voting base, are trying to pick and choose the winner. I think they're going out of 16 people on stage i don't think the democrats unless you're talking about the voting base are trying to pick and choose the winner i think they're going out of their way not to but uh if the voters choose biden i think they've chosen incorrectly do uh do the voters even matter in the democrat side i thought it was all super delegate shit they complete okay so what how it used to work is there were like 400 superdelegates and the first one to like 1,200 or 1,601. So the voters were the bulk of it. But whenever you showed like Hillary versus Bernie, for example, Sanders, she looked like she was way ahead.

She was always way ahead. And because of the superdelegates, she started 400 to zero. Now superdelegates are practically gone. They only exist in like a tiebreak scenario where the voters haven't chosen anyone. That was such horse shit yes yeah yeah they really fucked bernie over there are so many people who vote for whoever they feel the front runner is right and so if you start i want to be with a winner yeah if you start someone with lead i mean that's why it's so important when someone wins iowa and new hampshire yes because then then they're they appear to be the winner and then That's why it's so important when someone wins Iowa and New Hampshire. Yes. Because then they appear to be the winner, and then people go,

oh, I was supporting that candidate the whole time. That's my path for Buttigieg winning. He's winning in Iowa. He's not going to win. Well, you're probably right. That is his shot, though. If he wins in Iowa, he has a win shot. He was leading in New Hampshire.

I don't think he currently is. But if he wins in Iowa, he might be close enough that helps him win New Hampshire. Then if he wins those two, suddenly he's a major candidate, the guy who's leading. He gets more votes. Now, I'm a fucking retard, so don't take this prediction seriously. But I think if they put up Buttigieg, Trump wins in a huge way. If they put up Warren, it could go either way. It might be a narrow win for Warren, might be a narrow win for Trump or a moderate to narrow either way.

If they put up Bernie, Bernie beats Trump. I have no doubt in my fucking mind that Bernie's more populist talking points will win over the rust belt and fuck over trump like that if they really wanted to win bernie is the one to go with so but why why buddha judge why are you so negative on buddha judge well more just because like buddha judge is more like neoliberal uh like more or less like what do you mean kind of a kind of a more of an establishment guy yeah he's not gonna he's not gonna change that much like he he doesn't excite many people you know a lot of people aren't going to be brought to be like oh man i can't fucking wait to go vote for the mayor from south bend indiana whereas bernie inspires a

ton of organic grassroots uh support he really does and so his kind of more populist view of like, hey, we're going to protect the working class in these states. We're not going to have foreign workers coming in and steal your manufacturing jobs. We're going to protect those like that kind of shit is going to be compelling to people in Pennsylvania, Michigan, that kind of area of the country. And so, like, if the Democrats want to win, I think Bernie is the route forward. And this is coming from an ill-informed idiot. So I think that but most of the policy points, Warren and Sanders agree on most things. Not really, because she's backed off a lot of his Medicare for all stuff. Like she tries to say that she's for that, but then she'll hedge it in a lot of I have watched a couple of her sound clips. She actually she actually does policy that can happen which is what i like about her do you think that inspires votes the way that bernie's you know more oh yeah bernie's a lot more there's going to be a coke machine in the lunchroom you know and and what gets votes what what gets you the student body president yeah that is true uh you know and that's

part of part of what i like about her is that she has the a similar belief system but actually a path forward to how to make it happen but i do understand what you're saying um you know and i i i do think you know as little about it as you say yeah that's absolutely true the and it's funny so taylor seems to respect the pie in the sky dreams and how that will get votes but i I also think you can brand that socialism, go super negative on it and not capture the middle. We'll see. Maybe. But then again,

the middle has been so inculcated in the anyone, but Trump, anyone, but Trump, anyone, but Trump for the last four years, nonstop from every single mainstream media outlet, other than fucking like Hannity and Tucker Carlson.

Okay. First of all, inculcated is probably a made up word. Totally. I made it up just now. I made it up just now and you called me on the shit. Yeah. All right.

Well, all right. You indulge my politics. Kyle, who are you voting for? That's funny. Thanks. I've already said Vermin Supreme. That's who I'm voting for. I'm writing him in. Who's the rent is too damn high guy uh i don't know but he's funny too so he would be my my vp right end okay i like

this is the first time i can ever remember an election where there are multiple candidates that i would consider who's your second after warren would you say? I know we don't want to do politics too long because people get bored, but like, yeah. Yeah, I would say probably Buttigieg. I thought you were going to say Sanders, but yeah. I know, I truly, the age thing is too much for me. Okay. Yeah, I feel that way about most of them.

Yeah, I just, and people give me shit about it. And like, I was even on, I did an episode of The Young Turks, which is so funny because I did one episode and people were like, oh, frequent guest Steve Hofstadter. I'm like, I literally was on one time. Yeah. More like a progressive news station for people who might not know. Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah. So there but they're like uber progressive. They're they're like the most like Air America wasn't progressive enough enough for uh for the tyt base and like i talked about how i wasn't supporting bernie on there and people people got mad and i was like think of your grandfather is how many people who are 82 do you know that you would trust running the country what's 82 is that his age at the end of the first term 82 that his age at the end of the first term? 82 is the age at the end of the first term. He'd be 83, I think, even. Oh, 83. He's just fucking old

as fuck. Yeah. Let alone two terms, which is what I want. That's why I'm writing in Bob Dole. Bob Dole. I'm actually writing in the actual Crypt Keeper. Yeah, go with that. Honestly, of all of them, I like Tulsi the most

because she seems to take the most hardline stance against getting involved in wars overseas. But then the other thing is, the second anyone gets elected, they can be like, Obama said it, Trump said it. There must be some Bilderberg behind closed doors meeting where they're like yeah and i was promising early first was like yep i promised the people that i would get rid of the wars overseas and i'm gonna do it and they're like yeah okay obama that's hilarious

but come come talk to the people who are really in charge and then that didn't happen none of it happened we're still bombing seven countries by the time his term ended and then trump was like i'm getting this out of here I'm getting this out of here. I'm getting this out of here. We're getting rid of it. We're losing so much money. Then what happens? Fucking nothing.

And so I feel like so much we're voting for a puppet that is completely powerless against the power of the military industrial complex who just wants perpetual war. I agree with your outcome, just not how you got there. Right. My own theory is they all want to end wars. All of us want to end wars. We all feel like these are endless wars that eventually are going to be awful to leave so let's just rip that bandaid off. All of us go in thinking that. And then

they get educated. And I don't know what that education consists of but they say, yeah, if you pull out of Afghanistan, then this is what happens and that's what happens. I wanted to pull out of Syria. I heard Trump pull out of Syria and I was like, I'm for it. Jackie's against it. Right. But I think at this point, if if Trump said black, Jackie would say white. I think that's just what the page that she's on right now. OK, but not me. He says he's pulling out of Syria.

And I'm like, all right, I'm all in. I think I was wrong. Right. After he pulls out of Syria, ISIS gets freed. We have to go back in. We have to protect the oil fields. We're not really pull out of Syria. Instantly, the Kurds start getting like raped by Turkey, I think. And it was like, oh my gosh, we didn't even get troops out because we have to protect the oil fields. We got ISIS freed.

We got Turkey taking the land. Now he's talking about putting 14,000 more people in because Iran is doing well or something. I'm like, this just didn't work out like I thought it was going to. Maybe that education that makes people not pull out of wars is because they know what happens next. Or it could be that the people who donate the

most are in favor of those wars, like the Koch brothers, people like that who want perpetual wars in the Middle East. And it's like, at what point is it going to be okay to pull out? Is it our responsibility? Is it taxpayer money that me, you, Kyle, Steve have to pay to keep us in these conflicts?

Why is it our responsibility to babysit the world? It shouldn't be. There's got to be a better jobs program, right? Instead of building bombs, which is just an indirect way of building holes in the ground, could build bridges how about we have a whole health care system all the citizens here instead of getting involved in a fucking war in the middle east every two taylor just keep going so steve never gets a word in yeah build the bombs so that i can event no i mean the subreddit will just say i interrupted anyway yeah but the uh the like i am i am very progressive i'm not anti-war oh i'm anti-war and i'm not very

progressive so we're the opposite in that way and the the reason for it so uh when i was in budapest a couple years ago i went to the museum of terror which is the same headquarters that of the nazi party in hungary and then the same building became the headquarters of the communist party and it's a very this is a very moving one this is unlike the uprising museum this is actually it told the story really well and one of the things it talked about was there was an uprising shortly after the communists took over in hungary that barely failed and the u.s thought about getting involved and decided not to and had the u.s been involved hungary would have gotten out of communism 30 years earlier than it did so what are we hoping to achieve from these wars though is well i'm not saying these wars in particular expanding

insurgency that's always going to be there? Again, I'm not like, look, all we're doing is creating future Batman by killing off people's parents. But like. I agree with you. That's why we shouldn't be there. Right. I'm not saying I'm pro all war. I'm saying I'm not anti-war. There are some conflicts that you look at and you go, you know what?

Clearly, there's a good guy and a bad guy. And we can and we have the power to help. Now there's some things. Where we don't know who's who. Do you feel like you can predict. Which wars will end successfully. Like let's say that Sudama Sane. Was clearly a bad guy.

But I don't know that that ends successfully. We might pull out. And it'll be chaos when we do. Maybe. It always will. Anytime you create a power vacuum, it will. Well, yeah, that's the thing. You also can't go in and fight and just be like,

all right, peace, you guys figure this out. Like, you have to... Why not? Why not? Why can't we establish an objective, which is eliminate so-and-so, and then we do, and then we leave? Because that is not how power vacuums work well. So now we're perennially

committed with our tax dollars we decide if we decide to help we need to see it through until something becomes stable you can't we have the capacity to stabilize that region given the fact that the people who live there hate us again i'm not saying it's this region i'm not saying i support our involvement there but what i'm saying and and once we're we're the fucking saying it's this region I'm not saying I support our involvement there but what I'm saying and once we're the fucking reason it's destabilized in the first place you're right but maybe you're partially right also some of

it's like Russia yeah you know when I say we I meant Jewish people but oh well spot on now Kyle I feel like they've been destabilized since like before Christ Kyle's quiet for the entire political talk. Well, you know, it was us Jews who did it.

Kyle's like, spot on. It's all you Jews. You've been reading my blog. A plan, whether it's us or whether it's someone else, there has to be a plan. You can't just help a little bit and then peace out.

Like you have to see it through or there's no point in going over there in the first place. Maybe help a little bit if the people you want just need you to tip the scales. Maybe provide a little aid. But the fact that we are embroiled in wars that have been going on for almost two decades in the Middle East with every single person in power, whether neoconservative, neoliberal, whatever, always says, no, we got to stay in there. We got to stay in there. And we have people dying, going bankrupt with payments for healthcare

about cancer in our own country. Our own country, people are dying because they don't have the healthcare they need. It's absurd. Taylor, you live in St. Louis. You see this way more than we do. Hammer murders? No. Hammer murders? No.

I'm very anti-hammer murder, by the way. I'm mixed. I mean, Yang did say he supported hammer murders. That's true. One for everybody, actually. A hammer for every man. Yeah. Just to defend yourself against other hammer murders.

The only way you can stop a bad guy with a hammer is a good guy. I was going there, too. Yeah. That's a great line. I like that. And that's why, from now on, I've just instituted a new policy, passed through Congress, flying colors. Every single individual in the St. Louis metro area receives a claw hammer from carhartt and these are not the kind of listen to me people these are not the kind of claw hammers that that give out after one or two murders believe you me

these are going to be good dozens hundreds i would say i would say hundreds some would say dozens of murders from now yeah titanium shaft straight claw these will be big beautiful claw hammers no and they're all going to be made of solid gold right right not titanium stripped down my budapest hotel it wasn't doing well and i made hammers for everyone yeah in mexico um the no but i i i do think that uh you know some people are war hawks some people like war more than others but i do think that part of part of the reason i think we're in the middle east now is because there's got to be an there's an element of guilt of like uh we we did we did fund these people originally yeah like we we created bin laden yes yeah yeah um yeah but the idea of like wiping out isis most

of the way is pointless i mean but we also are doing we've done ridiculous shit and you can find many articles about this where it's like we just donated 500 toyota uh tacomas to the moderate rebels in the middle east moderate rebels who definitely don't cut clits off and shit moderate rebels and then it's like two days later it's like isis storming south and it's in brand new toyota tacomas what the fuck am i supposed to believe here Like we're just using a middleman to arm evil insurgents. Well, clearly they stole the Tacomas from the good guys. They stole them. Yeah, yeah.

Regardless, this is boring as shit. People don't care. I just want us to not be involved in any war anymore. I'm tired of it. That's Taylor's primary issue. Very, very anti-war. Understandable. Anti-bad war, I think. I imagine you could

convince Taylor to just the right war. I'm anti-people stepping off the escalator and not moving to the side immediately. Favorite war, Kyle? Good question. I like... It was a defensive war. The war of Northern Aggression. Of American wars.

Yeah, the war of Northern Aggression. Oh, right, Atlanta. Sorry we burned your city, by the way. We were middle of the road, the Missourians. You were part of that group? No, but I'm from New York. No, my favorite war, not so much a war but a battle, was when all the people in Missouri in like 1830 or something were like, these Mormons suck.

I'm tired of Mormons. They're doing all their weird shit. That's a massacre. And so they, well, that's one way of saying it. It was the war of Mormon aggression. And it literally was. They would go into Missouri towns and do a bunch of fucked up shit. And then eventually people got tired of it and they fought back and pushed the mormons to utah

and now the mormons seem to be doing pretty fucking solid like they have tons of kids they're mostly rich is it just me that's impressed with polygamy right like i think you're doing pretty well if you get a girlfriend if some girl looks at her options and picks you, congratulations you. But if some girl sees me with three wives and says, you know what? A quarter of Woody would do it for me. That says something beautiful about me. If some brainwashed young woman who was raised her entire life to devalue her own life. So that's who you're talking standard standard no i was in

they have the internet steve they know their options i just know what colorado city is i would guess no it's not where you get these ladies it's in arizona it is a colorado city colorado city is it was this uh polygamist uh village area whatever that like the u.s government stormed and like took the women out of and the women were like we don't know where else to go can we go back when was this uh this was a 15 years ago maybe 20 um but caught but i was in colorado city i stopped to get gas on my way to Utah, and it was very, very bizarre because a lot of the buildings aren't finished because according to code,

if it's not a finished building, you don't have to pay taxes on it. Oh, hell yeah. And so a lot of these places, they have no windows. They're all boarded up. It looks real weird. And then I was in a gas station,

and I'm watching this guy and his probably his wife and their newborn baby and she's holding the baby and they're walking to this gas station and the clerk is pretty cute and he's hitting on the clerk in front of the wife my man dude he must be so awesome right that wife sticks with him even though he does that he's gotta be great in some way that's i want to get the rest of steve's little anecdote so he's hitting on her no so he's hitting on her and the wife was totally cool with it and then we left afterward and there's a place next door that was called like the merry wives cafe and like if you see a place called the merry wives cafe in jersey that's like three housewives that decided to open a business together yeah sure but in colorado city it's like some guy's wives who run his diner like it's not polygamy is illegal and forbidden by the mormon church

yeah it's forbidden now the same way in the the 80s, the Mormon church was like, you know what? I guess we're okay with black people now. I guess we'll allow them in the church. The sons of Ham may enter. Yeah, the sons of Ham. There's a sect of

Mormonism that still supports polygamy. So my ex-girlfriend grew up in Utah in in a very mormon community and a lot of her family was not only mormon but high up um and i met it was like an uncle of hers i think who left the mormon church over that because there were people who were supporting polygamy and he's like that is not at all what we want to do and like politic he got like politically ousted so you can't convince me mormon husbands aren't incredible i mean this score is posted women are choosing the quarters of them and thirds of them they're they're the best of us is there a way to share the meme that kyle just shared yeah They're the best of us.

Mormons are super, super nice. Mormons are the kindest people on earth. I have a lot of experience. With his four young boyfriends. Look! But there's a difference, right? Modern day Mormons. These wives are buying things on Amazon. The internet exists.

This brainwashing you speak of is gone. That's a relic of the past. Now they're getting brainwashed by Amazon and technology like the rest of us. They're on Facebook. They know what other relationships are like and they still pick a fourth of Mr. Jones over there.

If you're raised from the time you're a kid to believe that that's your destiny, a lot of people are going to do it. What I don't understand though is the people who stick with amish lifestyle after rumspringa that's the one that always confuses me and it's like 90 i think we actually talked about this super recently it's like 95 plus percent that are like they'll have their fun with drugs and then they'll be like man this is this is not at all what i grew up with i feel more comfortable

back where i am and so most of it is just a comfort thing i would imagine where they want to go back to where they feel familiar and it might be nice not to be like completely separated from your family forever because i don't i don't know if there's like oh yeah i'm visiting anytime but a couple hundred years ago the difference between being amish and not being Amish was like the kind of hat you wore. Yeah. There was no technology. And like now the difference is Netflix. The difference is, is the iPhone 11.

I'm sorry, but you put such a funny image in my head of like Amish people a couple hundred years ago being smug as fuck, being like, actually, we don't use modern technology. And they're like, like what? Yeah. We don't use modern technology and they're like like what in a butter churn you got a fucking the cotton gin over there what the what do you know but we don't use modern technology and it's like yeah there wasn't there was nothing

and so when it started made sense because it was just about like, oh, go live life without a community and see how that feels. But now it's like, go live life without a community, but also the internet. Yeah. And everything. And be able to listen to PKA. And I would wager that the average Amish person is way happier than the average American. Like, they have much lower expectations. They don't have the same issue we do with needing constant attention,

grabbing things like they're, they're probably more content with, Oh, now it's afternoon time. I'm just going to churn butter and think about having more babies or whatever the fuck they do. Like it, it,

it's a simpler way of life.'m sorry so there's a thing called a blue zone which is basically a community where people live longer oh i didn't know yeah there's like a dozen or so of these around the world one of them like the the one that is like most attention grabbing is called i think it's called akaria and it's this little island in greece and the people there live to average live to over a hundred and the thing they attribute it to is exactly what you're saying where like they don't have similar cares that we do like there's not a ton of entertainment aside from sitting around talking to each other like there's not a lot of stress they basically do enough work to keep them all fed and alive and that's all they do and because of that people seem happier and then they live longer i have no doubt i i can't akaria i've never heard of that that's really interesting

i want to look into that where is this up uh it's in greece my my ex-wife was obsessed with this place i k-a-r-i-a a uh yeah they first thing that came up was greek island of longevity yeah akaria greece blue zones.com i had no idea blue zones was a thing wow i'm sure a lot of them are in japan right feels like those people live that was my guess too i don't know i'm curious Eat a Mediterranean style diet 20% Other vegetables 17% greens

16% fruits 11% legumes 9% potatoes 6% olive oil 6% fish 5% pasta 5% meat Compelling content Taylor

I'm going to say this three more times Everybody knows the exact specifics Let's look at it with a pie chart I'm going to say this three more times everybody knows the exact specific let's look at it and you're like I have to finish it but this is boring that's never a fun feeling they take a lot of afternoon

breaks with naps siesta yeah siesta Mexicans and shit they do that goat's milk over cow's milk breaks with naps. Siesta. Yeah, siesta. I'm pro siesta. Mexicans and shit, they do that. Goat's milk over cow's milk. I disavow that. Make family and friends a priority.

That's fine. They have a surfing school. Fast occasionally? Wait. This is interesting, though. So in Albert Lee, Minnesota, which like after the economic downturn, they were like, what the fuck do we do? And they partnered up with they partnered up with this Blue Zones project. And they within a year of participating in it, they raised average lifespans by three years.

Really? Yeah. That's crazy. How can you do that in a year? It seems like you can only raise the lifespan a year per year. I would assume so. How do they come up with this data

is what I want to know. It says projected. I guess it says projected, but it's... I have a new formula. Now, it's projected, Steve, to make your penis grow by a factor of 50%, okay? It's projected to do so.

I don't need a 20-inch penis. Well, all you're going to need is a Diet Pepsi every day. And I sell them. These are special Diet Pepsis that only I possess. They're $150 each. Vitamin P. I just don't know about this projected life expectancy. In one year, the projected expectancy went up by three years.

That's great. I agree. expectancy in one year the projected expectancy went up by three years that's great i agree but it does say uh they did have an 8.6 million dollar savings in annual health care costs for employers because of decline in smokers i guess that was one of the big things yeah i don't know my point is that there's like a bunch of research into this and i still don't want to live long i mean greek or i think some areas of greeks gree Greece and Italy, they live a long time. And I know they do a bunch of smoking. They smoke a ton of cigarettes. And we talked earlier about how smoking wasn't cool.

Well, these guys, they seem pretty cool. And all I need, I've never seen in real life a Lucky Strike with no filter. But every time I rewatch Band of brothers, all I want is like, damn dude, if I had a pack, a lucky strike, no filters, I'd go choke a few down right now.

Just, and I, and I'd pretend to be in Bastogne. I'd go outside on like a, a kind of cool fall evening naked to feel the way they felt. Can I have one of those Pepsis Kyle? No, they're all your dick too small?

Damn it. No, I just wanted to see just how big I can get it. Yeah. Penis enlargement Pepsi. I'm trying to set a record, Woody. I think you can go on eBay, Taylor, and you can buy those Lucky Strikes. Yeah, but are they from like...

Yes, that's why you have to go to eBay. Okay, well, I don't want to smoke a cigarette from 1946. That'll probably make me sick. Well, no. You can get them in the canned World War II rations. So they're literally in a pack in a sealed can. And so you get

a fresh 75-year-old cigarette. That's awesome. I'm gonna go spend... thank you guys so much for donating to me on twitch recently it's so nice about that just know all that money is going into lucky strikes from 1943 i wonder if i'm gonna and i'll smoke one and be like this is gross can you smoke on twitch uh i have no idea. I've never seen it done. I see people vape a lot.

Oh, vaping, yeah. But I think most people probably don't smoke on there because it's not good to smoke around your PC, right? Because it gets sucked in and mucks up the works. Yeah, because you don't want to give your PC cancer. Think about the irony of that. I know, right? Do you smoke on stream?

Dude, do you know what that does to your PC? I go outside. Man, I don't know, man. It'll destroy the machine next to me. I go outside to puff on these. It'll destroy the complicated air filtration system in my PC. Now let me go use it on my lawn. Right?

I don't want tar buildup in my computer. This thing has six fucking fans in it but smoke is bad for it like i don't know about that one dude the best of worlds would have been one of those doctors from 19 like 31 who takes a huge payout to be like oh yeah i also smoke camels like that kind of guy yeah oh like that guy on twitch the healthy f no that guy just that normal guy well i mean the ultimate doctor to be and i've said this before would be like a doctor during the plague where you get to wear a really cool mask and then just make shit up and be like oh man dude you got way too much blood just look at you you're chock full of it oh you have a you have a semen shortage man

well that's what that's what they used to do to treat quote-unquote hysteria in women yeah and they would basically like induce women to orgasm like medical orgasm and that was considered standard practice in science and you know why they did the vibrator eventually their hands got tired from jerking off literally woody yes yeah literally yes the doctor's being like god my forearms are huge struggling to finish the 10th woman the doctor's like uh if i finger one more. I finger one more woman with my, you know, the Geechee fish market smelling fingers, I'm gonna die. Jesus

Christ. Yeah, we've talked about this. Old-timey vagina is worst vagina. Yeah. Well, I don't think that takes any, you know, any argument. So, Kyle, do we have any post-rolls? But before you get to those, if there are any, I want Steve to tell us where we can find him.

And if there are any more tours coming up for us to take part in. Yeah. Uh, I got a huge Texas tour coming up, um, performing in 11 different cities in Texas. And then, uh, I'm headed over to Oklahoma city for new years.

Um, and if you want to check out where my other shows are, I got a sign behind me. If you're in the States, you can text Steve to four4848 or in canada to 393939 or if you live somewhere else you're shit out of luck because i don't know where the tech services are there yeah yeah dumb bitches live in other places yeah hey all those europeans i'm so thankful for i don't know i tried i looked up how to do tech services in other countries and it's hard to um but for for real just go to my website you can see all my dates

and all the cities and uh you know as always it was wonderful to see people in pka gear um they had a crew of people come out in edinburgh with the with the forehead masks if i text this am i gonna get spam uh no literally the only thing that happens is you'll get a question asking you to pick your city and then you don't hear from it until i'm gonna be in the in that city perfect that's it that's all i do with it um and then i also sell it to chinese people but you know aside from that yeah well we got banned off chinese spotify so our chinese oh man what am i gonna do with his hui phone i know but anyway thank you guys so much for listening we've had a wonderful time with mr hofstetter it's a yahweh phone

oh no oh sorry i was texting steve pka 468