Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #469

Episode Date: December 20, 2019

In this week's PKA, we've got superstar stand-up comedian, director, filmmaker and actor, Steve Byrne joining us this week! And he shares a plethora of stories of getting into fights and altercations throughout his life, which is just great. Then the boys touch on the recent health issues that have come the way of the infamous Bagel Boss and then FINALLY the lads watch some SUPER HUMMAN videos and discuss the hilarity that surrounds the content he produces. 

Painkiller already, episode 469. Our guest Steve Byrne, professional comedian and amateur street fighter. Kyle? A couple of sponsors tonight. Goat, Casper Blue Chew, and Nitza. That's coming up later on the show. We'll get to that. Yeah, of course. But yeah, Steve Byrne on. And I think all three of us here have the same story that we found really fascinating that we heard you tell. I'll let one of them take it, but it's the street fighting, right guys? Yeah. It seems like there are a lot of those stories.

I look at Steve and I don't think, you don't look like a boss rooting type guy. I don't expect you to have all these stories of mixing it up in the streets and the bars and hotel rooms and stuff like that, but I'd be wrong. That helps. It's the whiskey. The whiskey helps. Uh, but yeah, I think, uh, you know, I, I played hockey all my life. I think that's kind of like part of it. So it's like, if you're, if you're playing a game and you know, somebody's getting a little rough, you just drop the gloves and throw the sweater over and you just start going to

going to town. But, uh, by no means am I like a Chuck Norris or anything, you know, I'm not a, a badass, but I, when I was younger, for sure, I had a little, a little edge, but, uh, you know, two kids, two kids and the wife will call that. Okay. You said that, but when's the last time you got into a physical altercation? Well, the last time I almost got into a physical. You mean actually or almost? I'll take both. I'll take both.

We'll take both. Well, almost was about two weeks ago. I went to a movie theater, and I went to go see a – it doesn't even matter what I went to see, but I went and saw a movie with my buddies. It was Joker and Insta-violence No, I was inspired Yeah, I went and saw this movie with my buddies and there was a couple

in the way back, like the handjob seats you know, the last row and they were talking the whole movie I'm talking the whole movie and you know, it's ArcLight in Los Angeles you think they're not going to be talking as much, but they were. And, you know, I was just like, you know, what are you going to do? So we're all using the bathroom at the end of the movie,

and we're talking about it. And a guy next to me was talking about, did you hear that couple? I was like, yeah, I didn't know this guy. And so we come out of the bathroom and the couple is walking out and they're talking. And I just, I couldn't help myself. I just go, yap, yap, yap, the whole fucking movie. And next thing I know, this guy beefs up. He's coming at me. And he picked up a table and actually went to go throw it at me. That happens a lot.

A whole table? A whole table. And I'm just sitting there and i'm going to myself i'm saying myself if i tell my if i call my wife an hour from now from the jail i this is going to be a horrible holiday season so it's like i just don't engage whereas like you know 10 15 years ago when i was single and you got nothing to lose it's like yeah all right, all right. That's not a table. That's a table. The way to handle it is just be like,

yap, yap, yap, fucking talking the whole time. You cunts. Then he comes to respond and you're like, you're like, I'm above that.

It's also like, you can pick up on these things where when he picked up the table, he went like this and then he put it down. I was like, all right, he's never going to hit me because if he was going to, he would just walk up and he would shove me or he'd hit me. I think after a while when you've been in altercations,

you can smell when it's actually going to happen. It's posturing. I came up at a time when I was in college where all those great independent films were coming out like Swingers and Fight Club and Fight Club came out and I remember

I don't know, not that you want to romanticize fighting but I remember Brad Pitt, one of those lines he said was how much do you know about yourself until you've been in a fight and I just kind of thought that was kind of cool. Not anymore though because I'm 35, I got two kids and I got the wife and you can't

be doing that. It's been weeks since that's happened. It's been weeks. It hasn't even been a month. Steve, can you lower your gain again? It's louder than it was pre-show. Yeah, yeah. Hold on. I got to, because I'm not used to this.

Hold on. I got to do the thing, right? The settings? Yeah. And here we go. And is that better? yeah more that's interesting all right so woody when is the i think woody maybe the last time that you all we'll just go with almost almost i think was the gravel guy in your yard that that where you guys had that

altercation oh yeah it's been weeks since that's happened. It's only been weeks. You know, he wouldn't move his gravel truck for you. Yeah. And the last one I heard from Taylor, maybe when you picked that kid up who was trying to save the parking space by standing in it. Oh yeah, the Mizzou football game. And you literally picked him up and moved him out of the parking space. Kyle, when's your last one?

That would probably be when I was in prison. Also a few weeks ago. On the high horse here. Steve doesn't even know you was in prison. None of us really belong on the high horse here. Steve doesn't even know you were in prison for too long. It's a boring tale. You touch the wrong racist television set and they get a little upset. That's not true at all. Steve's going to get the wrong idea.

Someone wanted to get with me. That's exactly what it was. Oh, that's the indication. I'm sorry. I took that as you saying that's why you were in prison. Some sort of racist transgression. No, the thing that almost got me in the fight was touching the wrong races.

It wasn't even his. It's complicated. It wasn't his television. That was the white people TV. I'm going to go to an Irish pub and do some jello shots with you guys. It'd be fun. It'd be fun. It'd be fun.

Is the volume better now or is it worse? I turned you up because it was just low. Is it low now? You want me to turn it up? I can fix that on my end. What I can't fix is blown out. Yeah, I think we're good now. I don't know if we can do any better.

Yeah, I bumped you back up and I'm hearing you loud and clear now. We're storming ahead. It's all good. is this better you're good that okay i think i'll stop toying with it fucking perfect absolutely perfect lots of good people talking about how good your bike is so you talked about the last time you almost got an altercation when was the last time you got in a full-blown one like a real one i mean probably the last time i got into a fight was playing hockey playing ice hockey um it was and this is so bad this is again like i i joined this men's league in pasadena yeah and this is way back in like 2018 or so this is three years ago okay 16 so my uh you know i'm playing ice hockey it's a pickup league where you go and you pay, you know, whatever.

At noon, you show up and you just skate with a bunch of people. They have two goalies. I've done it a few times and I tell my wife and my daughter at the time, like, why don't you guys come? You can watch. They go, of course. Yeah, come on down. They're watching me play hockey and I'm

skating and a teenager or a college kid shoved his stick in between my knees. And it's like, you know, at 40, I can't be taken out at the knees and there's no rest there and stuff. So I go, hey man, come on. So I come on up ice again and he does it again. I go, come on, man, you can't be doing that.

And then it was the third time he does it again i go come on man you can't be doing that and then it was the third time he did it i just kind of snapped back and i shoved him and his buddy came in and his buddy uh shoved me back and i just absolutely dropped my gloves i go after him and i'm just drilling him and i just remember seeing my wife pick up my daughter and she's walking out i'm like okay i think we're done here we're done here so that was the last time and uh you know i i just i can't be doing those things getting in a fight at men's league first of all how were you able to punch him or were you just punching the cage that all those guys wear because that's pretty tough well in the adult league it's like half visor shield oh they really do pretend nhl it's all just kind of

plastic so you're kind of like hitting it to to kind of jostle it free and then you're going to skin to skin but nice i mean like hockey i don't even think that fully counts i think your wife was rash taking your daughter out of there that's the rules i think so too i think that you would want to see how a man behaves when push comes to shove you know and knowing that there's a guardian yeah house now that will always logic i don't know you can take that too far though infractions that could have crippled me for life prior to that you didn't see them because you didn't weren't paying attention yeah but i think that that that you know before i think you guys were referencing a fight in phoenix that i was in is that what you were talking about that i was i don't know i've heard a couple of years i heard the one about uh when a fight in phoenix that i was in is that what you were talking about that i was i don't know i've heard a couple of years i heard the one about uh when a fight when you spat on the cab driver's

uh uh back window the elevator one was one of my favorites elevator one uh when you were defending the honor of that very racist young lady defending the honor of the racist young lady it's great i wish you were so sweet i lost him we'll get him back in a second defending the honor of the racist young lady is great i wish she was us we hadn't lost him we'll get him back in a second defending the honor of the racist young lady because at some point like you've already committed you're in too deep you can't back out but i won't spoil any of that story because it's very funny yeah wish uh wish our friend steve was whenever he gets back i actually have i have my own from while he's gone i this is like september and this guy's like actually my friend right but uh towing something about it is

just high intensity things are going rough this is acrobatic paragliding towing stuff and um it is always just it it's so tense that relationships are strained every toe club everywhere in this para world. Okay, so he's showing me how another guy is too alpha. And by doing that, he puts his arm over my shoulder in almost a headlock and he's rough. He doesn't like that. He's like grinding me at it and pulling my head down. He's shorter than me. So he's making me like bend over.

And I laugh with him and say, hey, man, I don't like that. But then he does it again. And right. And it's just like, well, now we've shot him. Now we switch from a demonstration of like what someone else did to him to him doing it to me right he heard i didn't like it and took it as an invitation to bully me and um um so with his arm over me like that he was prone to a hip toss oh god which is exactly what i did you opened yourself up to a hip toss you fool I just

I rolled him over my back feet way up in the air and I put him down gently but uh but he was there looking up at me and I continued to walk on I imagine you go into a kata at that point like a five you literally go

and fucking bust out a couple of those. And we're still friends and everything is cool. I've replayed it in my mind a couple of times because I'm wired that way because I'm stupid. And I'm like, you know, I'm kind of okay with how that went down. Right? I'm okay with how that went down too.

Yeah. Yeah. A hip throw is a humiliating way to get tossed in a street fight. It's a humiliating. Well, what it was, it was like there was some sort of like big brother sort of like I can pick on Woody kind of thing. And then quickly the guy realized Woody could probably murder me right here with his bare hands. And he's just a nice fellow who's being kind enough not to finish his key off. Welcome back.

Welcome back. I'm back. We got you, Steve. to finish his key off. Welcome back. I'm back. No worries. What we were saying was you were asking which fight we were referencing and you mentioned the Phoenix one and I was just saying that a couple that I heard you speak about

when you spit on the cab driver's car which seems mildly your fault and when you were... It's something we've all done. Sometimes just for fun. You didn't get the lead up to it, but that's okay. It's okay. He was a little rude, but you know, it was a spit. And then

when you completely justifiably defended the honor of that incredibly racist young white lady in the elevator, I bet she was pretty. Pretty hot. Right? Pretty hot, yeah. If an ugly girl drops an N-bomb and you're there you're just like good boys yeah maybe if that's an ohio four she's got a fend for herself

yeah yeah that when you were so i'll let you run through that just the version of that defending the racist girl story because i have a couple questions about about that okay um yeah so so basically what happened was i did the show and you're young you're single you go out afterwards you meet some girls me and this other comic met some girls we paired up and then it's the end of the night and i'm like yeah i'm gonna walk these girls to their to the car in the parking garage and he's like oh i'm gonna stay here so this comic and i are talking as the girls walk down the hall i eventually run over catch up and there's a guy holding open the elevator doors and he's basically saying, come on girl,

give me your number, give me your number. She's like, ah, we're good here. And he's there with four or five other guys. And he is African American. There's,

there's a reason I'm saying this to the part of the story. So he just keeps asking for the number and I'm just kind of standing in the back. Like, all right, I guess I got to go in at some point. So he's like, come on girl, give me a number, Give me a number. She's like, I'm not giving you my number. And I go under his arm. I'm like, look, I get it, guys. They're cute girls, but

let's just call it a night here, right? And the guy's just absolutely ignoring me. I do not exist. I'm Patrick Swayzean Ghost. I'm not there. He keeps talking to this girl and he's going, come on, girl, don't you want to hang with this bling? Don't you want to hang with this bling? She's like, I don't want your bling. You're not getting my number. His buddies start tapping him on the shoulder. Like, come on, buddy, let's go. And then he says it one more time. And she goes, I'm not giving you my number you. And then she drops the end bomb. And I just remember every drops the n-bomb and i just remember everything what's that it says she's playing for keeps she's tired yeah yeah yeah and everything you know you always hear those things that happen in slow motion everything happened in slow motion i remember him walking in the door shutting behind

his boys as the boys are trying to get the door open and i see him starting to walk towards this girl and you know i don't know what's going to happen we're in an elevator it's a confined space so I kind of stand in front of him we grab each other and just instinctually I just pulled his shirt over his head and I'm just as hard and as fast as I can and he's going chill dog chill I go are you done are you done he goes chill dog chill I go are you done he goes I'm done i'm done so i let go of him i kind of stand off to the corner the girl's crying her friend is hugging her like consoling her and and because we're jostling around so much we shook the elevator off it's off its course my

favorite now we're stuck we're just sitting there so these girls are crying'm standing there. The guy's pulling his shirt over his head. He's a little banged up. And I just remember Sarah smiles by Hall and Oates is playing. And I'm like, well, I'll never forget this song. And then he keeps like looking at me and he's just staring at me. And I'm thinking he's going to take another pop.

So be ready. He's going to hit me again. And he's looking at me. Then I just, I'm not even going to pretend I'm not looking at him. I look back at him because I'm waiting for him to hit me again and he's looking at me then i just i'm i'm not even gonna pretend i'm not looking at him i look back at him because i'm waiting for him to hit me again and then he just looks at me goes have you been on bts comic view i was like yeah he goes you did that bruce lee kung fu bit i go yeah he goes what are you doing in town i go i was at the improv tonight i'm doing

a show with a bunch of my buddies and that's how i met this this racist so he starts laughing she kind of chuckles but she's distraught and i i don't even remember talking to her after that and next thing i know we hear a boo and the elevator goes back and we're going up and as we're going up like yeah if you want tickets i'll get you and your friends tickets or whatever he's like oh thanks man that's cool the doors open as soon as they open i just get bum rushed because his friends had heard everything so i get pop pop pop shirt ripped and next thing i know the hotel desk clerk comes over he goes i called the cops so you guys hang tight they didn't hang tight the girls are hitting the button in the elevator to go down to their car. And I'm sitting there in the lobby with my shirt ripped.

I'm bleeding from my eye. And the other comic that I was hanging out with comes out of the business center holding a coffee. And he goes, I just left you. What? It all was probably eight minutes long. It was crazy. That was one of my favorite ones. Those guys missed out on some free tickets.

You were about to hook them all up. I was about to hook them up. I wonder if they stopped and said, oh, dude, I love your Bruce Lee bit, if you would have still came through with the tickets. I would have came through with the tickets, yeah. For the funniest of of the story for sure you can tell the story of the show and just point them out and those guys right there just beat the shit out of me

I only brought one shirt that's why I look so disheveled was there any part when she dropped the end bomb where you were like you know I could cut and run right now or were you like you know, I could cut and run right now. Or were you like, you know, I'm already in too deep with this.

I'm playing the defender. I got to, you know, I defend racists too. Yeah, plus there was no way. Believe me, if there was a door I could walk out of and go, she's on your, but yeah, but it was too late. Unless I do the hatch up top, but I'm not mission impossible. Taylor, what do you do in that scenario? Do you,

do you attack this gentleman who may or may not be about to do harm upon this young racist lady? Or do you join him in beating her down? I turn and absolutely pound this cunt right in the side of the head. Just boom. You know what? I pull her shirt over her head and I started giving her the old one too. And then,

and then as I'm doing it, I'm like, see, I'm on your side. Don't tell your friends. I'm on your side. Don't you hate those whites? Goddamn white people.

I'm actually not. I'm albino. Like they invented this elevator. All these whites. Yeah. This would be a fight in a staircase. Even more dangerous if not. If it wasn't for those damn whites.

I think she's on her own if I'm there. I gotta know this person. It sounded like you're sort of tangentially acquainted with this young lady. I think she's on her own. I would have taken the stairs from the start. When the booze kicks in and you're wrapped up in

the night you kind of you know who knows what's going to happen if if i was rationally thinking i probably wouldn't have been in half the altercation see what i'm not when i'm sober enough at the movie theater i don't engage but when i'm you know probably eight lemon drop shots in because i was working these girls. I'm fighting a black guy in an elevator. I'm curious. Do you know who invented the elevator or did you just assume he was white? I assume he was white. Maybe it's that guy

Otis because it always says Otis on every elevator I've ever been in. Otis is a very white name. It is Alicia Graves Otis and he's a white guy. It was a good assumption. And I don't know if any one guy, like I'm making this up in my head. I feel like the elevator is kind of an evolutionary invention,

but this guy was the founder of the Otis elevator company. And yeah, all that matters is that you get the credit. Didn't like Edison steal a ton of shit from Tesla, but Tesla was like a little virgin bitch and he wouldn't say that for himself. Well, who do you think invented the telephone nobody knows it's that italian guy that um whose name i don't even know

there you go alexander graham bell yeah not him no i know the italian guy was like this is such a good invention and then alexander graham sure is yeah right idiot this is all mine now yeah elevators are areas that are prone to to physical violence there's something about the elevator something about that you can stop somebody in their tracks you know you can't do that with stairs really you just keep going you know an escalator it stops for no man but something about an elevator where somebody can just go nah you're going nowhere not to not till you and i settle up you're going nowhere. Not until you and I settle up. You're going nowhere.

Not until maintenance gets here. And even though it's a completely, there's no physical exertion involved. You're just going to sit there in the elevator. You're like, come on, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to start my elevator ride. You're almost like a little kid again where you're like, I want the elevator. It's kind of fun. I don't want to admit it, but it's going to take me up real high.

Woody and I were in an elevator one time and his cab driver shows up for his shuttle driver and the guy thinks that woody owes him money but in fact woody had paid some kind of package deal the guy has gotten his money just not cash out of woody's hand i thought we were about to do battle right there in the fucking lobby and i was down i wanted to beat that guy up so much i was so down i did not like him talking to you like i was like i was like i was so close to attacking that man it was 20 it wasn't a lot of money and we both felt like we were right it machinima had paid for my shuttle that's that was the scoop but he felt like i should have paid for my shuttle like there with cash and there was some sort of confusion uh it is

conceivable that he's right and machinima didn't pay like they said they you know arranged or who knows sounds like them right but uh but you know to my knowledge he had already been paid and i wasn't on the hook for this and it was 20 do you fight over 20 you just yeah whatever i guess it was the principle it's the principle i almost wanted to take a 20, rip it, and throw it at him. I was so upset about the principle of the matter. Him fucking holding that door. He put his foot in it, I think. Yeah.

He just didn't want us to go anywhere. What if I took a 20, balled it up, and jump shot it to him or something? He stood no chance. That was the other thing that was a little infuriating. Either one of us would have won that fight let alone us yeah short and or fat he was older older he was probably like late mid 50s maybe 50 55 and out of shape and like stinking of cigarettes and it was like you're gonna get your shit pushed in old man like right here in the lobby and we're gonna be up in our rooms and nobody's gonna know who did this to you nobody's gonna care because you're ugly except for these

elevator cameras except for the cameras was he was he definitely in the wrong he was from his perspective we both thought he was right everybody thought they were right in this you know i guess that's how it normally goes but yeah he felt like i hadn't paid him and i felt like he's asking for double payment yeah yeah absolutely yeah fuck that guy i'm still mad at that guy i take little slights like that very seriously when you told the story the other day about the gravel guy who is on your payroll technically he's a subcontractor of your contractor and he's like not gonna move out of your fucking way like like i'm getting like red in the face he needs a whooping yeah yeah steve he was frozen again oh all right i'm gonna tell the story handsome when he freezes though his freezes are cutie above average that's for sure my freezes i look even uglier than normal he's never complimented he's an la6 at frozen which is when i freeze i'm never like

so i was like on a sneeze yeah so i like talking about little slights and things i've been like really cashing in on the the homeowner's warranty shit recently where it's oh, that's kind of expiring this month. And I ended up re-upping it anyway, but I'm still trying to get shit done. And so I'm like, all right, my bathroom fan in my master bathroom, that stopped working. I need to get that fixed. That guy shows up as soon as he's supposed to be there, checks it out. Oh, I need to replace the whole fan.

Leaves, gets the fan, comes back when he's scheduled again, finishes it in like eight minutes. Hunky Dory. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. His name was Lyle. So thank you, Lyle. The guy for the garbage disposal, when he finally did come back and just replaced the whole thing, really easy. Gave me a couple tips. He's like, hey, do this, that, and the other thing. Here's a little, like, use an Allen's wrench and do blah, blah, blah under here next time this happens, and it'll probably fix it. Three times the garage door opener guy has supposed to

have been coming out here, and three times he has been a no-show. What is the garage door opener doing? So, it's not the opener that's the problem. It's the garage. We'll get all the way until it's like a foot left. Then it'll stop and reset. Then it'll stop and reset. You have cobwebs on your sensor. Cobwebs on my

sensor? Yeah. But then sometimes it works perfectly. Like today it worked just fine. It sounds like a solid theory. It's an easy thing to check. I like where Kyle's head is. With your disposal did he tell you to take the Allen wrench and hit the reset button on it? That was one thing the previous guy did.

But the previous guy told me to hit the reset button on a broken garbage disposal so all it did was just water came out and so but now it's good now i fixed a couple of those and i fixed a couple of fucking garage doors i did the thing where like i call like a repairman i'm like you're never gonna solve this one it's the rubik's cube of garage door mysteries and he showed up and he went, got him. I'm like, could you not tell the company that I'm an asshole and an idiot? Because I've been really rude to him on the phone about this.

Could you tell him it took you an hour? I'll lie too. He's like, sounds good. There's an extra five bucks in it for you if you don't make me look retarded in your report back to the company. That is the frustrating thing is I'll go on YouTube and be like,

I can fix this little issue around the house and then feel like I've got the steps down and then go try to do it and fuck it up. Then someone will come out and do it and it's fixed immediately. What's the manliest thing you've ever done? Wow. Fucked a woman. thing you've ever done? Wow. Fucked a woman.

No, because women can do that. Because what? Because women can do that. Right, and wouldn't it be more manly to fuck a man? I mean, women are like soft and weak. It absolutely is, especially if he doesn't want it. That's the manliest thing you can do. Yeah, Taylor.

Let's call it back. Step up a game. Step up your game, Taylor. Some of the manliest men I've ever met were rapists. They raped men. I believe you. Yeah, actually, you've got quite the resume for that now, so I do believe you. Yeah. I mean, I've never fucked a man, but that is truly the pinnacle of madness.

Come on, dude. Get with the program. It's almost 2020. If you want to be a real dude, you've got to start banging dudes. Bigot. And give them a mouthpiece and tell them, I don't want you to get concussed. And tell them to stay hydrated because you're a gentleman and a man. And because I want their loads to be big because that's even manlier.

Fuck yeah. You've got to be hydrated. What's the manliest thing you've ever done? Think like frontiersman kind of manliness. Think cowboy manliness. I started like fires with the... Well, I mean like

two fires in public places using lighter's count. That's called arson. Okay, well then scratch that because that's something I've never done. That's not my everyday Saturday, certainly. I played hockey my whole life. That's pretty manly yeah i got into a number of

fights as a goalie which is not common oh you're a goalie yeah yeah and so yeah that is not common no no i was along the lines of gay sex being the manliest thing you can do i did brazilian jiu-jitsu for many years so that's's pretty manly gay. That's tremendously gay. That's like mock gay sex. Right? I'm glad they renamed the missionary position to guard, because otherwise I'd have a hard time telling my stories. Yeah, yeah.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is black-faced gay sex. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is like, warm up, and they're like, come on, dude. Come on, dude, that's why I'm here. Go for half an hour. That's real sweat.

I'm not good at fixing shit. I lose my patience really, really quickly and I get flustered and aggravated. Building my, even with friends over, building that power rack, squat rack in my basement, was so stressful. I would rather public speak in front of a million

people than have to try and put that together again i was that way it's it's one of the ways that i've changed with age now like something doesn't if it doesn't happen in a nice straight line where i just keep making forward progress it's like all right well you know mechanics rage isn't going to get this done we'll just take a step back and push on i almost gave my girlfriend like a year and a half ago a panic attack because of how much i was yelling and angry over convincing myself that ikea forgot to put screws in the bedside table it's like i'm what i was walking around my it was before i bought my house i was walking around my apartment at the time. And I was just like, these fucking crooks didn't put all the screws in.

He was so mad. So fucking mad. She's like, it's okay, Taylor. It's okay. Just settle down. I won't settle down. Were they actually missing or sometimes they'll take to something? Yeah, it was exactly that. She turned over a board and she's like, is it these screws? And I was like,

probably not. That's when you literally have to lie. You'll be like, no, dummy. Not those screws. You don't think I know about those screws? No, retard. I know those screws. I looked at the little thing. You thought you were going to make me look like a fool, didn't you?

Get out! Get out of my apartment. Yeah, I hate assembling things. I get so turnt when I'm trying to assemble stuff. I don't know. I think maybe killing a deer and gutting it. Oh, I've done that. Yeah, I feel like that was kind of manly.

With a bow. I feel like that makes it a little extra with a bow I feel like that was a little extra manly primitive with it with my fiberglass compound bow with the sight on it the manliest way to kill a deer would be sneaking up in ninja attire and throwing shurikens at it

until you finally fell the beast I wanted to do that so fucking bad. I wanted to do that with a... I wanted to jump out of the helicopter. I wanted to wound a pig from the helicopter and then have him hover low and then I had this big fucking Rambo knife and I wanted to jump on it and fight it with a knife. That's... Well, I'm glad you didn't because

now we have this nice podcast together. Well, I eventually did. I eventually did fight the pig with a knife. It was not from the helicopter. Not from the helicopter, no. We went did fight the pig with the knife. It was not from the helicopter. Not from the helicopter, no. We went out in the field and fought it. Did it know it was fighting you? Oh, it definitely knew.

It bit me! Oh, that's one of those bipedal creatures that brings food to... Oh, it's got a big, shiny piece of food for me. Just stabbing this thing. How fucked would that be if I fought like a domesticated piglet? I did battle with a boar. No big deal.

I like those pictures where it's like the Trump sons holding like an elephant tail up. I have no problem with that. I always want to know the full story right as long as you get to eat all the elephant meat you assume that you just killed like mama elephant from this field of you know elephant families all together in the herd etc it's often not like that it's often like this one's been designated a problem or old or disabled or something now we're allowing a hunter to go get his prize and the money he pays for this funds this wildlife preserve and when you know all that backstory to it it's not so evil

now i'll admit the guy that does it has a kink that i don't understand you know but in the overall scheme of things you know it i just need to know the backstory i agree with you on that like the same reason like people got mad at that dentist who killed that troubled lion. Yeah. What was the troubled lion? It was just like you said. Old elephants and old

male lions. A new young male will try and get in to make more babies. Sometimes the old, just strong enough to cause problems for the new incoming male lion will fuck him up. And for the new incoming male lion will like fuck him up and so the people on the preserve will be like yeah okay old ted right there you can shoot him because he's kind of just a nuisance at this point cecil that was cecil when they fucking when they fucking give the things names that's that's when i feel like it's a step too

far like you think he knew his name was cecil no give him numbers yeah give him numbers yeah dehumanized 127 had to die it's a it's a program where american dentist shot down number 37 today no one cared like yeah fuck those lions i think anybody would have cared about that harambe shit if it was just gorilla number three all right now with the harambe thing it's a little different right like like it was the guy who jumped in or the i am mad at the guy who jumped in i think it was a kid right like some negligent parent had their kid leap in i don't remember in that case but i know like recently there was some like drunk lady who like jumped in with some wild animals and i don't think they had to like put any animals down but like that was what could

have easily happened steve what would be more troublesome for your career if a photo of you prize hunting like the trumps came out or a sex tape or a sex tape well a sex tape would be embarrassing no one wants that no one wants that uh no one would even who would even click on that who'd want to see that there's no asians in porn so no fuck no uh probably yeah probably me killing like an animal because especially in hollywood i mean it's very very progressive here so you couldn't do that if i lived in nashville or texas i wouldn't give a shit but i've never been hunting in my like you know duck hunt on nintendo was the last time i probably did anything even remotely close to it but i'll count surprisingly

realistic yeah my dog laughs at me too it's funny all the places we're from nobody would give a fuck about big game hunting they'd be like well what'd you get yeah i don't know like like i do look down on it like like i think it's i think i agree with woody pretty pretty soundly here that like i don't understand why you want to do that but i do think that in in the end it's often a good thing for the animals and for like the species that it is done the only loser in this situation is cecil yeah if you're hunting to eat or like my father fishes all the time he whatever he catches he eats and what he doesn't think he's going to eat he puts back in so i you

know i get that and like my wife's um father is from minnesota they go hunting all the time they make their own beef jerky and all that stuff and you know i i get that but if you're just going out to like kill an elephant just to say you did it. To me, I don't understand that. Why not just let the elephant go to a zoo or just live out its remaining lives instead of just like you can say you killed it. And then next thing you know, you're at a Chili's in Africa and eating riblets. I don't know. I don't understand the pleasure. I don't understand the motivation of the people who want to kill things like that.

You know the way to fix this is to make it so that trophy hunting can only be done with swords. Then people are really going to question whether or not they're going to risk it. It's the old timey methods. I think the way they used to kill elephants and stuff is they would drive them over cliffs and into pits and stuff like that.

Or into a bog or something and then slowly spirit of the death that's a lot meaner than a gun yeah it is is it how quickly does a gun kill an elephant i mean if it's an elephant gun this is something i don't know like like even an elephant gun i think it really depends on like like one of the things the last time i saw an elephant gun was like in elmer fudd had like that big one that looked like a a foghorn or something yeah that was a gun yeah well they have them there's that video online from like 2006 where it's a bunch of like like middle eastern guys you can't handle it yeah and like middle eastern guys who are shooting this i feel like

because it's so powerful t A T-Rex. I was going to guess that. Yeah. Have you ever shot anything in that class? If you don't know, Kyle's an expert on guns. Yeah, I have. Those guys didn't know what they were doing. It kicks incredibly.

I haven't shot that one, but I've shot things in that class that are like, someone custom made their own rifle. If I said what it was, you'd just be like, what's that? Because there's only two of them that exist, and this guy owns them both because he built them in his fucking garage. He wanted two. He took a 20-gauge shotgun and turned it into a rifle. He made custom brass for it.

So it's shooting a rifle cartridge out of a 20-gauge shotgun. It kicked so, so, so, so hard. But those guys just didn't know what they were doing how much like a lot harder than i think a 12 gauge shotgun is the hardest kicker that i've had yeah i mean i i shoot those like just hold them in my hand like a pistol you know it's that that's nothing i would say that the thing i shot was more than five times more than a 12 gauge maybe 10 times like look at like, like I, I leaned all the way forward. Like, like I, generally speaking, you put quite a bit of your, uh, body weight

percentage wise on the front foot and sort of lean forward. I put 95% to the point where I'm just sort of rocking forward on my front foot and it rocked me all the way back. And it's, it, it really hurt. It bruised. I shot it three times and i was black and blue just really i was on a uso tour and we were going in a black hawk from one camp to another camp and um they have those big gun mounts you know on those things and uh i don't know what the gun was you know i'm not aficionado like the old time one a minigun no like like it had a handle here and a handle here and i think a trigger here and he's like you want to shoot this thing i'm like fuck yes i want to shoot so he's like just

hit any of this you know it's just sand you're flying over the sand in afghanistan so he's like just hit the sand so you're hitting the sand and there's such a kick you're just rocking back and forth i'm sure if you have more experience they know what to do and um you're just rocking back and forth. I'm sure if you have more experience, they know what to do. And you're just seeing the sparks tinge off the sand. It was really cool. And then, like an idiot, I go, hey, could I take my shirt off and have somebody videotape me like Rambo? He goes, no, man, you can't take your shirt off and shoot the gun. And just like a typical guy idiot, it's like I wanted to do the Rambo shit where I was all rolled up. I thought that would be kind of cool. And he's like, no, I let you shoot the fucking gun, you idiot. It's like, I wanted to do the Rambo shit where I was all rolled up. Ah! I thought that'd be kind of cool. And he's like, no, I let you

shoot the fucking gun, you idiot. All that would do is just really highlight all my trouble areas. Me too, me too. Oh, God. My belly's really getting... It's vibrating. I don't want that at all.

That was probably a 50 cal it was probably a maduse yeah probably a mud that'd be my guess too a maduse i've been i've been running every day lately i'm doing this thing we run a mile a day for 30 days all right cool and like my skin almost shifts like in a different cadence than me. I feel like, who's the guy from, he's like a lobster person, fries in the show from the creators of The Simpsons. Yeah, the lobster guy from Futurama.

Oh, Zoidberg. Dr. Zoidberg. Zoidberg. Dr. Zoidberg. I don't know what I really look like, but in my mind's eye, it's Zoidberg with the extra skin

just bouncing around while I run daily. Yeah, when he doesn't have a shell on yeah not flat it's just disgusting it's like a sausage casing it's not a good sausage and the casing is i'm gonna get enough sausage in the casing yeah but too much in some places this is why i'm running so we we've had a you, a number of comedians on the show and something that I don't think we ask enough is what was, you know, throughout your career? I'm sure it was earlier on. Do you have a specific memory of a particular show that was so much worse than any other one, either from audience reception or maybe you were too drunk or or people throwing stools at you. Who knows? Anything that really just, God, afterward, you're like, I need a couple of drinks to forget this

and move on. Yeah. I mean, those happen. I think especially early in your career, you don't have the arsenal of weapons to know how to pivot. When you're starting off, there's one gear. It's like, I'm here. This is what I'm supposed to say. And that's kind of it. And the older you get, I think the better crowd work you get. You can improv. You have go-to bits. You have bits that will correlate with what somebody is saying or addressing in the crowd.

But, yeah, I've had some fucking god-awful shows, really bad shows. Actually, one of them was at the Comedy Store. This is one of the last fistfights I was in. I was at the Comedy Store. This is when the Comedy Store was dead. Nobody was going. Now it's sold out. All three shows are sold out every night of the week.

But back in the day, there was nobody going to the store. So I was there. I think it was like a Friday night. There's maybe 12 people in the crowd. You had to have 10 to have a show. And as I'm walking up on stage, a group of Asian kids get up and walk out. And there was a guy sitting with his friends and he goes, your friends just left. I go, what? He goes, your friends just left and he's eating chicken wings. And I remember him going like that afterward to accentuate the, the, the just racist diatribe. So I go, are you saying

that? Cause they're Asian and I'm Asian. He goes, yup. And he does this again. I'm like this motherfucker. So I go, maybe I'll go outside and catch up with them. Maybe you should join me. He goes, he goes, maybe you should, maybe I'll, maybe'll maybe i will i go well then let's go see him so i get up off the thing and i'm walking to this to the corner of the room by the by the door where it's like comes to a corner and i walk and he meets and we're right by the door and we just start throwing down and i am drilling this guy with everything i had but we end up on the ground and i'm on top and i'm hitting them. I'm like Ralphie in a Christmas story saying all those obscenities and shit. And I remember one of his buddies went to pick up one of those, the, I don't know if you've ever been to the comedy store. They have these big, heavy kind of old tables from the sixties that have been there

forever. And he goes to pick it up and I didn't see it, but he goes to like hit me with it. And a comedian named Brett Ernsttt ernst uh tackled him he happened to be in the room and was rushing in and then all the comics came in and it became like this comic versus these kind of like redneck guys uh fight it was so so fun it was it was kind of kind of like fun we had some drinks afterwards but that was one of the worst like i've had so many incidents where people say things, but it's again, when you're younger, you don't know how to temper your, control your emotions and handle the situation because no matter what happens, you got to be

better than the situation. You got to be funnier than the situation. You got to get out of that situation with a laugh. And it's only until the last, I'd say, six or seven years, I started to figure that out. The following morning, were you in the shower with the perfect comeback? Always. Always. Yeah. Always.

That's when it always hits you, right? Or in the car the next day driving. Yeah. Well, the jerk store called, and they're running all out of you. Yes. Shit. So did you get drinks after that brawl with the rednecks too no god no no not that fucking piece of shit but the comics yeah okay we had some drinks and we you know

bonded and it was nice to uh to have that moment with those guys yeah good the underdogs really won because if you tell me oh a bunch of rednecks are gonna brawl with a bunch of comedians i'm gonna be like all right all my money on the rednecks all of it they're gonna have oh yeah yeah yeah i mean just what i think what set me off it wasn't the racial thing like you hear that all the time but it was him eating chicken wings and doing that as he's so fucking condescending to me like this motherfucker that is you know true troll shit. To be like, yeah, go find your Asian friends outside. Mwah.

More wings over here. Keep them covered. I asked for a soy glaze on these. You're Asian. You motherfucker. Come tell me if you can taste soy glaze on these. You're Asian. You motherfucker. You can tell me if you can taste the soy on this. You have a lot of table-related potential bludgeoning stories,

more than anyone I've ever met. Yeah. For those who are listening, you're not an enormous man. I wouldn't think that people would always go to the weapon, arming themselves when it came down to combat. Like maybe they would just want to fight. But it seems like everybody's always arming themselves right away. I'm definitely not an imposing guy physically, but there was one time I was at the comic strip. This is when I first was working at the clubs in New York City. I was maybe 24, 25. And I remember I was so infatuated with standup.

It's all I wanted to do. So I'm doing a set at the comic strip on my birthday and I did the late night set. So you're out after midnight, the show's over and whoever wants to stay, stays. So there's people in the audience just sticking around. And I remember this group of guys was like six guys. They get up and they're all talking about their bill during the show, during my set. I'm like, guys, come on, man. Can't you do out there? He goes, what are you going to do, Jackie Chan? I'm like, come on, man.

So I keep doing my act. And then they keep talking even louder and they're discussing their bill. I'm like, come on, guys, seriously, can you just take it out there? You know, I'm just trying to work on a bit here. And they go, they said something else like chink or something. And I'm just like, I just said, I just shot something back. You know, thank God the Lincoln Tunnel is open 24 hours. You guys have a safe trip back to Secaucusus or whatever some jersey dig or whatever on these guys and then this girl pipes up like snooki before snooki right so she's she starts

mouthing off and i just you know like an idiot i go will someone tell that cunt to shut the next thing i know a bar stool gets whizzed across the room. And I'm seeing it. And I just kind of turn around at the last minute. And it split like the back of my head open. So I ended up having to get eight staples in the back of my head. And I spent the night in the emergency room on my birthday getting literally stapled in the back of my head. And it was, again, one of those situations where you're so young, you don't know how to handle the situation. You know, now with all the experience I would have weaseled my way out of it.

But when you're young and you have a temper, you're just kind of like, all right, this is how we're going to fix it. Did the stool end the set? Did you just stop doing your routine right there? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, it felt like hot tea was running down my, my neck or like I was, I was rooming with R. Kelly. It was just warm liquid down the back of my neck.

You're trying to go into the next bit. The other thing about... Was that at an airport? I don't know if you guys... I was rooming with R. Kelly. It was an underappreciated joke that just slipped under the radar. I know who Big Jay Oakerson is.

He goes, dude, you've got to go to the hospital. And thank God the strip is like three blocks away. So I walked there. And then, of course, when you're a comic in New York City, you're going to get shit on. So my headshot at the comic strip, as you walk in, everybody's headshots were up. Somebody had taped staples to my headshot and then put over my name. It said the chairman which i thought was all fine so so this reminds me of a conversation that i had to have with my cousin when we were about 25 or

27 somewhere in there he just was getting into so many fights it just i was like scott why do you think you get into so many fights he's like i don know. I was like, it's like 10 a year. It's like every month it seems like you're doing battle. And like, how is this happening? I was like, I don't remember the last fight I got in, Scott. Like, it doesn't happen. Like, I don't even get in shouting matches. Like, what is it? He's like, you know, I've been thinking about it a lot. I think maybe I look at people the wrong way. Do I look at people in a weird way? And I'm like, well, you do kind of have those dead eyes sometimes. You just sort of like stare off into space. And I think maybe you're staring at a human being, but to you, you're just glazed over sort of like

in your own head, like you're pumping gas and you're just like thinking about like your day. And, but you're staring right into some guy's eyes at the next pump. And he's ready to throw down about 30 seconds into that. Have you ever thought maybe there's something about you that's bringing all this on i feel like kyle just made fun of your eyes that's my takeaway from that whole thing no i think like look i think i'm not like doing 10 a year by any means and i think of all the fights I've had in my life, it's probably like, probably like, you know, Baker's dozen from high school through college and playing hockey and into my twenties. But I think when you're a comic, especially,

you know, I was always like, I'm going to live it up. I'm going out every night. I'm going to do everything I can while I'm young. I always had that mentality. Like I'm going to make the most of every night I can possibly make. So I was going out all the time, but I was also like, you know, I wouldn't say I have, you know, if you just said something, I would say something back. I just, I'm not going to sit there and just kind of take it. It's like, if you want to get uncomfortable, it's like, oh, we can get uncomfortable. I'll say something back. And I think that is what kind of eggs it on. So as I've gotten older, I definitely don't engage as much. You kind of let things slide, I guess, is the way to put it. As a quick-witted, funny guy, as a comedian, if someone says something to you that could be potentially incendiary,

something's going to pop in your head immediately. And then there's a real quick equation, I bet, of like, this is funny enough. This is worth the fight. Yeah. I remember the last time I was in, I used to play roller hockey in Central Park with Rick Moranis of all people, right? And it was pretty wild. It was pretty fun. And every now and then you'd get somebody who's just overly aggressive when you're playing. I mean, you know, you played hockey. It's like we're just here to exercise. And this Russian kid was really kind of like really getting physical and elbows.

And we're not in pads or anything. We're on rollerblades, you know. And he said something. He goes, I go, dude, can you just chill out? He goes, what, are you a cop? You're going to call the cops? You're going to call a cop? If I fight you, are you going to call the cops? I'm call a cop if i fight you we're gonna call the cops i'm like if i fight you you're gonna call the ambulance he goes well let's find out and it's like if i didn't say that i don't think it would have escalated to it's like i trumped him he's like this motherfucker now he's got to come

back and next thing you know we're we're fighting and i'm like on rollerblades you know on roller blades yeah the most manliest thing to do in New York City. If you're not in Chelsea between 20th and 32nd, that's the wrong neighborhood to be that in. But you also have enough hockey knowledge to know that Russians are pretty bad fighters usually, so you go in pretty confident. Yeah. Well, it was one of those things where I remember I got him on the ground. I was on top of him.

And I guess in hockey, you don't think of the ice as hard because you're skating on it. those things where i remember i got him on the ground i was on top of him and i guess you know hockey you don't think of the ices as hard because you're skating on it but i remember looking at the concrete like if i drill this guy his head's gonna smash again and i remember just kind of letting up and the minute i let up he kicked my legs out and got on top of me and went to town and i was like i that was a fucking that was a mistake that sucks but also very funny though yeah you it's like what he said earlier looking at you i would not expect this many altercations and fights but good for you no but like i you know i just i think sometimes you just kind of you say stuff you know like i my wife my wife shits on me about this all the time but if i'm like at a movie theater right and you know

all of a sudden the line's starting to back up because you know movies these days somebody you can choose your seats right and somebody will you know i remember last time we were sitting there and we're waiting in line and now the line's backing up and this girl's asking a thousand questions and then it's like you want to choose your seats and she's like i don't know where do you want to sit where do you want to sit i'm just like oh my god like i'll literally say oh my god because my wife is like just shut up just wait i'm like jesus how long just pick a seat it's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. And you can see the screen. Nobody, just sit in the middle. You know, and I will say shit out loud

when I think most people don't say stuff. And I think that's why these things happen, you know? Well, don't let up. They don't as much as they used to. Have you ever backed down from a hockey fight? Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, there's times where it's just like, why would we? Like, I stopped playing in Pasadena because there's a bunch of guys that have been playing for five or six years and think fighting is actually part of the sport.

It's like, it's a part of it when you're swaying a game with stakes. But when you're in a men's league, there's no need to generally fight. I just don't think that there is. It's a part the nhl not this yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah i was in the rule and the and the thing is yeah i mean you know the classic we're not playing for the cup tonight asshole so i felt i i still don't know how i feel about this like you and the karate kid he convinces him to do that thing because he's like i won't be centered inside if i don't go on for this fight well anyway i'm playing men's league ice hockey and uh it's a playoff game we're against our rivals for whatever reason our team and this team were very evenly matched for years and we genuinely disliked each other and there's a guy on the other team and

he's throwing his body around more than a no check league should have you know is it a no check league it is but every time there's like a battle in the corner for the puck or something his elbows up at like neck and face level and and you know he's just he's chippy he's super chippy and uh i said something to him and we're lined up at a face-off and uh we're both on we're not at the face-off we're on the court you know if people don't know there's two guys doing the face-off and then on either side of the circle there are two i like what's happening get me let me get a knife and a fork because i i'm ready to i'm ready to bite in i like what's happening here you won't like it

though because he turns to me and he's like you want to go he wants he's he's offering me to fight he wants to drop the gloves he wants to drop the gloves and the second the puck drops stop play and engage in a fight and i look at him and he's he's smaller than me but he's a tough looking motherfucker he's missing at least he's missing at least four teeth and the ones he has are pointing in all kinds of different directions and he's just scrappy and I'm a computer programmer and he's clearly something physical for a living. And I say, no.

Are you nuts? That's great. I'm too valuable for my team. I can work at 8 a.m. Did you have a pork at your wife? And we didn't fight. I like to imagine that none of his missing teeth had anything to do with hockey.

No, he didn't wear a cage. Ginger Vitis. You're a fucking retard if you don't wear a cage in men's league. You have got to wear a cage. You've got work and shit to do. No one's picking corners and Like, you have got to wear a cage. You've got work and shit to do. Tental shit isn't covered.

No one's picking corners and knowing exactly pinpoint passing. The puck could go anywhere at any moment and get deflected. I saw a girl take one in the head of the crowd once. Yeah. Sticks, too. Half the time it's a puck. Half the time, like, my stick's on this side of you and I want it there. Okay.

That's the plan. It'll catch you. Every game there was something that made me happy I wore a cage. Sometimes it was to me. Sometimes it was to somebody else. But every game the belief was reinforced. Yeah. Safety equipment is so important.

Like, as a kid you might think it's lame or whatever. But, like, as you grow up, like, we're working with power tools or playing sports or whatever but like as you grow up like like we're working with power tools or or playing sports or whatever and and and that safety equipment like saves you and you get like evidence of that you're like oh never again am i not wearing these fucking safety glasses never again am i not wearing these gloves like i don't know how many times like my eyes or my hands have been saved by a piece of safety equipment and with the same evolution but you can go no no when i was in high school i used to coach or be one of the coaches at a hockey camp like a specific goalie camp but of course they have a bunch of you know people out there players high level players to shoot and so you can kind of demonstrate the drill and i was only like 17 or

something but i remember like none of the goalie coaches had to wear masks even when they were like doing the drill where it was because you'd like be talking to people and the the main guy was like hey taylor get in there you know ted's gonna take a couple shots and you know show where you're supposed to come out to the corner and then slide back to cover the left side and he's gonna shoot it and you're gonna catch it and i was like oh man i'm gonna feel like fucking jacques plant or some goalie from the the 50s or 60s that didn't have to wear a mask. I'm going to be like fucking, you know, Hexdoll out there. I'm going to be cool.

And so I like went, did the drill, and I was expecting him to give me a muffin, just like a little so I could catch it and demonstrate it. The people we're coaching are between the ages of five and like 12 or 13. And so like everybody shooting is much older than that obviously and so i go out and i'm like sliding not anticipating like a hard shot and he he gives me a little snapper like not a hard shot but enough that if that would have caught me in the face i would be missing a lot of teeth or if he would have not broken my my orbital bone or something or my nose and thankfully it went a little wide and I shouldered it. Then immediately after, the

guy was like, all right, Taylor, do it one more time. I'm like, all right, let me just grab my mask real quick. Then just gave me a whole new appreciation for like... You always wear a cage. You always put on your seatbelt. You always use safety equipment, but when you're fucking, raw dog it all the time. Am I right, boys?

No robbers. But when you're fucking, raw dog it all the time. Am I right, boys? No robbers. Fuck yeah. If only you knew. That's how dudes do it. No. No protection. Pull out method only. Yeah, chlamydia is not real.

It's a made up thing by the government. Chlamydia takes no time at all to get rid of. Fuck yeah. A couple pills and I'm good. And the best part- Take an aspirin. I've asked past sexual partners about it. Yeah.

If you have crabs, all you have to do is pray really hard and they'll go away. Trust me, guys. Yeah. Or you could just... That's what I never understood about crabs. I've never had crabs, but couldn't you just shave everything down there and that gets rid of them? They would go to your asshole.

They'd migrate to my ass. Yes. Do they tickle a little bit? What if I shave that? just asking for a friend it's kind of like under the sea, remember that video where Sebastian the crab is singing and it's really fun like it's fun for your asshole

it's like a party it's like a butt party it's like a Jamaican crab dance you shave the front but then you're going to migrate to the south actually crabs are going extinct because of the trend of people shaving their pubic hair. Oh, well, that's good. I thought you were talking about the delicious kind of crabs for a second. Well, we are overfishing the North Seas, Taylor, if you want to bring up a real sad point.

I have no empathy for fish. Neither, I don't care. Where's your respect for Baltimore, you piece of shit? Yes, for Baltimore. I have the answer't care. Where's your respect for Baltimore, you piece of shit? Yes, for Baltimore. I have the answer on this. If you... Getting older.

If you contact crabs, you should avoid sex until they've been cleared. Shaving your pubic hair, whilst it might make you feel better, does not get rid of the crabs, but it does remove their eggs. The crabs will cling to you and crawl to other body hair if you do decide to shave do it long do it a long while after you have applied the lotion then it goes on to talk about bedding and towels and stuff but i guess that doesn't get rid of them it still just seems like it would you have to shave everything you have to be smooth and clean

i know anything about the environment it's that if you ruin their habitat they go away yeah now if this is a retarded question i'm just joking are they the same thing as life lice or like a slightly different kind of lice i think i think i think they're usually called like pubic lice yeah that's what i was wondering are they the exact same shit just on your your i don't think you get crabs from sharing a baseball hat. Is that what you're asking? I don't know. I don't think so. Your girl lied to you about the hat thing. Pubic lice are similar to other lice.

According to this website. Remember that gif I sent Kyle that really grossed you out of that kid in a third world country having that fine tooth comb run through their hair and there's just piles of lice come out? That's disgusting. You've linked me videos of people shitting in other people's mouths

and the lice thing got you. Yeah, because like everybody poops but that kid had a whole ecosystem living on his head. Yeah. That's just kind of the wonders of nature, you know? I didn't like that a bit.

A little bit. I didn't like it at all. You know, there are a lot of animals that I think we should be proactively trying to make go extinct instead of trying to save these animals. What's your number one on the chopping board? Mosquitoes. Mosquitoes. Oh, for sure.

Lice. They're mostly bugs, for sure. Lice, like they're mostly bugs, I guess. Wasps. What are maybe cats? I'd be okay with cats being gone. I'm going to a friend's, uh,

like silly sweater party or whatever this weekend. And they have two cats at their place. And I'm not even that i feel like everybody is at least a little bit allergic to cats like at least a tiny bit if you're fucking around playing with them and like you're gonna accidentally touch your face like you're gonna start to get swollen a little bit like i don't even consider myself that allergic but god that's gonna fucking suck do you have a sneezing do you have an ugly christmas sweater i do have one but i don't know where it is and so i'll probably have to

order another one on amazon i bought my first one this year i bought it online and i thought it was hilarious it says pitter patter let's get at her and it's a picture of the letter kenny guy like just his rolling up the sleeves prior to yeah and i'm like i love that i found my inst, I found my ugly Christmas sweater. It arrived so disappointing. Hilariously like expectations versus reality. It's not even a sweater. It's a long sleeve shirt. It's a long sleeve shirt with a print on it. So that they fake sweater in the online picture.

I checked the online picture again, expanded it, and saw that, sure enough, they showed a better version of it. My print job is not nearly the level of what it was on the online site, but if you look carefully, you could see online that it wasn't a real sweater. They fooled me.

The print has knit knitting. Yeah, there's knit print on it. And I was like, I'm going to buy this. It's going to be hilarious for our PKA Christmas episode. And I'm still wearing it, but more as a joke of what an idiot I am. Were there no warning flares at all when you only spent $5 on this? That is a good point. I said, ship straight from Guangzhou in three weeks.

They just got me. It was a damn Facebook ad targeted to, I guess, ship straight from Guangzhou in three weeks. They just got me. It was a damn Facebook ad targeted to, I guess, retards. And I'm like, oh, this is perfect. I need this for our PK episode. And I bought it. And it wasn't like a website that I know. There were no reviews on the site. Like, if it was Amazon, this thing would be one start out the wazoo, and I would have known better.

But I can't even name this site. Idiots RS. You know what? I got to tell you, you got to let known better. But I can't even name this site. Idiots RS. You know what? I got to tell you. You got to let it go because I see you harboring hate. You kicked over the Christmas tree behind you. You just got to let it go. Okay?

Yeah. I'm still raging. That's in protest of Christmas as a whole. What is a happy holidays kind of guy? Kyle and I? Hard and fast in the Merry Christmas camp. Yeah. It's my liberal

streak it's my war on christmas you'll see the casualty behind me yeah i want a real war on christmas to start so that all those complaints make sense like a real parade out there where they're like fuck christmas and then finally fox news can ah. Take a look at this. Antifa burning Santa Claus in effigy. Five-year-olds questioning their sexuality with full support of their parents. That's what you want. We've started hormone therapy.

Yeah. Part of the parade. Steve is like that. No, well, I could see it happening But I think if they were to storm the mall And stuff it's like the minute they start Going after like terrorizing Like an Auntie Anne's like when they got close To the food court that's when I'd step in and go

Oh you guys you can't be fucked with My Arby's my Auntie Anne's My Cold Stone Creamery Like that's where I would draw the line. Yeah, your Panda Express, your Chick-fil-A. You can fuck up a Forever 21. Yeah. I would offer up Harvids as the-

Hands off hot dog on a stick. Hot dog on a stick, I've never had that. Is that just a corn dog without the corn meal? Corn dog, yeah, corn dog place. I love food courts because you could have an all-star meal you could assemble the best of everything you want in one meal i used to do that when i was in high school with my buddies we get like chick-fil-a a little chinese an egg roll a milkshake just create like a horrible concoction for your stomach so that you're basically you know whatever

you're eating out of all those all-stars you would end up buying a bouquet of flowers for your toilet at the end of the day. Like an I'm sorry, toilet bouquet. All the food courts in the malls near me are totally out of business. Are what? It seems like every food court that I've, this is a one for one example, because I don't go to the mall anymore because Amazon's kicking their ass. But like I talked about the other week week i wanted to stop off at a mall because they had like this japanese place in the food court that was like cheap and really fucking good i remembered

it from when i was a kid and i drove into the mall me and 12 other people were there and every single fucking store was closed all of them everyone even the the Indian guy who had that for like 10 years. I remember him selling the same phone cases in his little kiosk. Nowhere to be seen. So that sucks for that guy. But yeah, malls. If there is like an apocalypse, that's where people need to meet up because

no one is going to the mall. Lots of supplies there too. Well, there used to be. 50,000 people. Every so often I see malls up for sale, right? Because the whole thing's out of business and it's turned belly up and a mall

is for sale. And I briefly get the idea like, huh, maybe I should make the worst financial decision of my life. Maybe a home doesn't need to finish college. You're a holiday player. Like, how much they want

for a mall nowadays. What would you do with it? What would you do in the mall? I don't know. Like, clearly, the professionals who run malls

couldn't figure out what they're doing. I just did. I catch a wild hare. Like, ah. Turn it into a compound. That'd be cool. Right?

If it were like an airsoft field that would be like that would be fun but you can't that doesn't pay the bills that's some sort of like dream project when you're when you just don't give a fuck about losing all your money now right like there's no it's not a viable situation financial decision you just gotta burn them all what's you know who buys them that is a vibe amazon have you not heard have i mentioned this before the son of a bitch. Yeah.

So here's what happened. Amazon needs shipping centers so they can do same day or next day shipping. And malls have tons of square footage and they tend to be right next to population centers. So, you know, if you're a Sbarro or something, it's hard to stay in business. But if you're Amazon looking for a local warehouse next to the customers, malls work work where am i going to get one of those cookies the size of a fucking pizza with my name written on it now i don't have amazon probably probably have costco right costco is like the last kind of like destination shopping place because you can buy in bulk there i guess but other than that yeah i agree with you what happened to What happens to lids when the malls go away?

Right? Like, where am I going to go to get eight... You're not familiar with lids? I'm convinced lids is and always has been a money laundering front. Just like those mattresses. There's no way they're selling enough fucking hats in there. How much are hats? Sunglass factory. That's the other one. Sunglass hut. Sunglasses are expensive

and everybody has them. And people don't mind spending a lot of money. You might have a $300 pair of sunglasses and a lot of people will buy them. It's just like how a watch store could stay open. But lids? Who are these people who have dozens of hats? There's sneaker heads. Maybe there's hat heads?

Hat heads? They're called heads. I heard you can get crabs if you share a hat. That's actually true. Not just lice, but it's actually crabs as well. Yeah, it kind of makes me sad because as a kid, the mall was

this, I don't know, communal thing. It's like people went to hang out there. I always liked to go there and go shopping. You'd hit the arcade on the way out, hit the food court, get some Sbarro or some chick-fil-a or something some Chinese food and and now it's just it's it's like like I was saying a minute ago it's like that cod for these like 50,000 people used to shop here now it's a ghost town it's kind of like a piece of Americana that's

just dying you're like if I told Amazon, you'd all okay boomer me. Go for it. It's not a boomer thing. This is like 2002. This was a thing. This is 10, 15 years ago. It was a huge part of American culture. Most were a thing five years ago.

Yeah, I suppose so. It's pretty rapid that they've shut down this much. Yeah. I don't know.'s pretty rapid that they've shut down this much. Yeah. I don't know. We all hate the movie from 15 years ago. That's when the kids are like, yeah, I'm going to go hang out at the... 90% of the time, the next word out of their mouth is the mall.

It was just kind of... It went there to do stuff. Everybody was there and everything was there. Where do kids hang out now? Just the internet? Like just chat rooms? Not even chat rooms? Not even chat rooms anymore, just discords and playing video games?

I don't know But where do you go to like All of our child viewers, tell us where you hang out Yeah, if I wanted to find you children Without any supervision whatsoever Perhaps with a few more of your takes Where would I go?

I'm asking for Roy Moore, not for me. Yes. Oh, he knows where to go. He'll be the person to ask. He would be the Young Republican Convention. There are no children at the Young Republican Convention. Young Republican means like

55 to 60. It's true retirement. The Young Republicans are like, you know, 58 years old, worried about Social Security. They have the Young Republican Convention at an Applebee's. They might. I mean, I like any Tysers.

Yeah. I feel like no young kids go to that shit for any party. They'll be like, it's the young democrat it's the young libertarian the young republican it's like what like 16 year old is like fuck yeah can't wait to go watch nancy pelosi talk about some boring shit oh can't wait to see you know that eyepatch republican talk about how war's good now i like to believe in taylor's young head college is not young anymore like yeah no young people go maybe college kids but not young ones i don't know my my none of my friends

in college were like hey you come into the young republicans and hang out it's like you're like dude get the hell out of my clan rally yeah get out of here i don't want your democrat and republican shit but all that get out to vote stuff that's where you see all the most of the young people kind of call us that are politically active you know usually yeah was it time magazine's person of the year that like

read a thorn thornberg isn't she like an 11 year old like 16 climate 16 okay climate activist or something like that that's a real thing like she's 16 years old like I felt bad for her she does not look 16 she looks you're right here we go easy amber alert take it down a notch dude i heard that and i think i viewed it through a different lens i was like oh it's so sad to peak at 16 right like i Like, I don't, her future is not higher than Time Magazine person of the year.

She's peaking. You're witnessing her peaking. I guarantee when she's like 26, someone is going to comment on how she's not as hot as she's supposed to be or something like that. She's, right now, Time Magazine person of the year, you've witnessed her peak and it stinks. There is an Olympic swimmer

who broke the world record at 12. And then she continued to represent America for like the next three Olympics and never hit that time again. And it was rough for her. It was rough for her to peak at 12 and always chasing her former glory, even though still world class.

Yeah. Yeah, but she'll do some al gore documentary that wins an oscar and you know she'll be you know doing all these global summits and stuff and be at the forefront of that and be on cnn probably every year for the next 15 to 20 years i think her name will get bigger and bigger and she'll be associated with really more and maybe her own charity or foundation you know yeah she won a nobel prize or something if she keeps this up yeah you know what's sick is like i would have been all about whatever cause if i got to skip this much school it doesn't matter what it was i'll tell you what sick is looking at a 16 year old saying man she doesn't look 16 she looks way older and way hotter and i would totally bang her we heard what you said no you're getting the exact opposite i said she looks like she's 11 or 12 like in the sheet even

better yeah yeah i didn't think she was young he's like dude she's pretty hot for someone who's half rotten that's like jesus christ yeah no like it's just should we let you go so you can watch some more woody allen movies you know who i thought should have been time magazine's person of the year hong kong people a hong kong protester that was mine too yeah like they do that sometimes collectively you know one time when the internet was big they just put a mirror on it and said it was you know you or the internet i was hoping they would have put the bagel boss on there. That would have been hilarious. That would have been great. Time Magazine's person of the year. Isn't all those

people in Hong Kong? But it's only from here up. It's only from here up. It's only the money. That is so fucking good. Let's get time on the phone. We had him on the show and he is unhinged. Yeah, we had him on the show, and he is unhinged. Yeah, we had him on the show.

He's pretty sane. That's crazy. No. The whole time, I just made short jokes. But they all went over his head, so it was okay. That's the kind of joke he made. Over and over, stuff like that. He caught on when you said that he was a down-to-earth kind of guy. Yeah, I think he did. He definitely caught on. Well, on when you said that he was a down-to-earth kind of guy. Yeah, I think so.

Well, we know you're short on time, so... I think he had a stroke. Right? Just a little one. Oh, God. Yes! Taylor, I can't tell. Was that a joke?

Do you think he had a stroke, or am I not getting it? Maybe I made that up, but I'm pretty sure he did. I'm pretty sure he had some sort of medical problem. He had a stroke. Boom. Clickety-clack, clickety-clack. That sucks. Now here we are laughing at him.

But yeah, dude, his whole thing was like he was pretty convinced he was a pre-millionaire, like based on this bagel altercation that he was about to cash in. And he'll be laughing at women who don't like him from his yacht he literally said that he's like and now when i got my yacht none of you bitches are coming on it's like what what in god's name not that i'm rich and powerful i don't want to get laid i don't want the ass i just want to jerk off on a yacht by myself and say see this is what you're fucking missing out on that's why you get the yacht asshole

look at the thumbnail how do you feel now now I feel bad I hope he's okay he's on a breathing machine with wires and tubes everywhere but he's on a yacht go someday

now we know what he's spending his money on. Well, shit. I hope he's okay from that. That sucks. I don't care. I'm like, I wonder how bad he is. They're putting this positive spin on it. I went in there.

It's like when Fidel Castro fell down the stairs and everybody was like, Oh, I hope he's... No! Fuck him! Thankfully, the fall distance saved his life. Had he been a taller man, he may not have survived. He lost feeling on the left side of his body. Shannon went

in there, said hello. I said, I'm sorry this happened to you. And he was definitely aware and he responded with his hand that's like i don't know to me that's pretty basic stroke right like you always go numb on the left side for a stroke right uh yeah i'm not positive i think that does seem pretty common though i just if someone's like hey you know it's not that bad he seemed aware and he responded with the hand gesture or motion or grip is how I interpreted it. Like that's a pretty low bar. It doesn't sound good.

Right? Like, how's your mom doing? Oh, she's great. She winked at me yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this one will have a happy ending. He'll crawl back into that tree

and get back to baking those cookies at some point. It'll all work out. It'll work out. He's missing so much work with the Mandalorian out too. He was gonna be Baby Yoda. And I'm sure there's an Ewok episode coming out.

He was actually every single one of the Jawas. All of them, yes. There's a GoFundMe page to support him. And it raised about $1,400. Oh, that's not enough if you have a stroke in the United States. No.

That won't fix a cold. That's what they charge for an aspirin at the ER. It's the ambulance ride. It literally is. I think it's $1,100, I want to say. It depends where you are. It absolutely would depend on where you are and the distance, I suppose, too.

He lives in New York, right? Oh, shit. Has anyone here ever been in an ambulance? No. I don't think so. I got oxygen out of the back of one once. Oh, like stealing it? Yeah, they weren't looking.

Some guy had passed out. I was just, 302 for me. Fucking retards. They just leave it here unlocked. When I broke my ankle or whatever, I was feeling a little nauseous. The ambulance was already there.

There's ambulances already there for those baseball games. I sat on the back step and they gave me some oxygen. I went... There was an emergency ride, full sirens and everything for the testicular torsion I had as a teenager. I like that story.

When that guy broke my nose, I took an ambulance to the hospital for that too. What's that game that you play on the playground where you've got the pole and the ball that's hanging from it? Tetherball. That's always what I imagine when you talk about

your testicular torsion. Someone went, and got the full wrap god that's it makes me nauseous every time i that you tell that story last time you told i literally muted my microphone my headset i i misinterpreted this i so i was growing i was uh i was in puberty and i was getting bigger and i thought my pants were just too tight and that was the cause of my pain. Hold on. Can I lie down and point my toes while you tell the story? Yeah.

Exactly. I wasn't going to go. It would be like the 14th telling. But yeah, I sat there in biology class cold and clammy and white and in pain.

And I thought I was like, man, these pants are just too tight. I can't get the looseness I need. No, it was a grievous medical problem. The doctor, not the doctor, the teacher had just rejected someone's bathroom request or something like that. rejected someone's like bathroom request or something like that and it like it made me cautious about asking but at some point it like it seemed like enough of an emergency that i was gonna push through that and she held me up as an example she's like look everyone this is a person who clearly does need to go to the nurse like pale and sweating she She's like, I got a great... Come stand up in front of the class. This will take six to seven minutes, not many longer.

That's pretty much how it went. As she's writing the little nurse's slip, we needed a note to get in. She's like, this person is not a faker. Help me up as an example of somebody. I can't believe you got to go in the ambulance when you broke your nose. When I broke my nose in middle school and during basketball practice i had to sit in the office with like a whole roll of bounty on my face just soaking in blood until my mom got there to pick me up and take me to the hospital there were two of us in that took me to the hospital yeah my side uh scored

no victories in that fight and my buddy uh his lips split like a dog. Like Robbie Lawler. Or like Joaquin Phoenix before he got that fixed. Wait, so I didn't hear his joke. Joaquin Phoenix, he had a hair lip. Yeah. He played the Joker well, so I don't mind. So if he hadn't played the Joker well, you'd have held that against him?

Well, yeah. What do you do here? He's not pure. Yeah, but Tracy, that was my friend's name. This guy's great. Tracy can be both. He actually looked perfect. You can't tell the difference. Do you watch...

Is it Dr. Suter? He's a YouTuber who's a real doctor. I do not know. I love this guy. I forget his name. He's a young doctor oh i do not know i love this guy i forget his name he's a young doctor and like a genuine expert in medicine but sports medicine it seems in particular and he breaks down and helps us understand injuries that happen to pro athletes and he covered ovareme and just how fucked ovareme is how like the nature of it is all twisted and gnarled and it's high enough that it's into the muscle and like they're he's like they're gonna need a plastic surgeon to come in there and we

can just hope that afterwards i forget the name of it but there's a name for the part of your face that turns into your lip where the color changes he's like if that doesn't line up by even a millimeter aesthetically it's a really big deal if that muscle doesn't heal again then his like smile and facial expressions uh people are just like super adept adept yes but i'm like attentive attentive i think is what i'm looking for to any minor like weirdness in your smile or the way that you talk yeah you know they're gonna he's like i he wasn't sure they'd fix him right that's a goddamn shame that that's one of the that's probably top top 10 top 15 like worst mma injuries i've seen you know like like some of the like uh anderson's uh

leg snapping and doing that that loop i process slowly you said injuries and not cuts yeah oh yeah yeah i'm thinking just all the time you know and uh that guy who shit himself that that's more of an intro to your pride you know uh and uh oh the um the when the soldier of god fucking need what's his name in the fucking forehead. Sounds like Chris Weidman. Yeah, it was Weidman. Um, that, that looked pretty awful. Um,

Lozon took quite a fucking cut that time to his forehead, but that stitched up nicely. Like are you a UFC guy at all, Steve? Or not really. Hockey's your sport. Yeah. Hockey is my sport.

Like if, you know, I'm probably like everybody else that he doesn't follow the sport. Like if McGregor's fighting, I'll kind of watch that and I'll say I met Nate Diaz a month or two ago at the comedy store Rogan you know

is always at the store and a lot of those fighters come in and hang out did he talk much Nick Diaz Nate Diaz he was I'll tell you he was super nice did you say Nick or Nate Nate okay and just super cool super nice did you say nick or nate uh nate okay and just super cool super nice very unassuming like and again like as someone who doesn't know the fighters like all those other guys do i was just kind of like hanging out and then i was like

oh that's the guy that that fought mcgregor and very just kind of like a cool dude and if you saw him in person you wouldn't think physically like oh that's an just kind of like a cool dude and if you saw him in person you wouldn't think physically like oh that's an imposing kind of like a lethal badass but I mean how tall is all those guys I've never seen him in person but I thought he was pretty tall he's a tall guy but kind of lanky and I guess the way he was dressed it didn't look like he was imposing I wouldn't say like like I would be fearful of that guy obviously knowing what I know now yeah it's a look like he was imposing i wouldn't say like like i would be fearful of that guy obviously knowing what i know now yeah it's a good thing he didn't talk shit you don't you always look at the ears you know that's what i learned i always look at the ears

that's a that's a good idea yeah if i i would anyone who's got cauliflower ears i just assume like don't don't fuck with that guy no my little baby college wrestled and he had the he had the cauliflower ears and just like i'm not fucking around there were there were a handful of times like when i went to college every time you went to the um to the dining hall you got a receipt so for some reason i don't know why i kept all my receipts and i just put them in my dresser every time I put in it and it was getting towards the end of the semester. And I just thought, man, I got all these receipts. I guess I'll just throw them out. And I just thought, well, fuck it. I'll just, I'll fuck with my roommate. So I put them everywhere. I mean, I rolled it up in his toothpaste when he squeezed his toothpaste. I put it in his umbrella. So when his umbrella,

they all fucking fall out on him. And it had been about a week and he's constantly like finding receipts in his shoes and his fucking everywhere. And he came back and he was so fucking pissed. I remember he did the, the toothpaste thing and it came out. And I think like, he was like, I'm fucking sick of this shit.

And he, he took me and put me in banana split. You know that move? In wrestling? So he had me on the ground. He just split my legs completely apart. And I was fucking like crying. I was in so much pain.

And, you know, needless to say, I never fuck with him again. But yeah, you know, all those guys, he had all those guys, they had their cauliflower ears and they they know shit so i never fuck with them yeah jesus that is a hilarious way to use receipts by the way i would have never thought of the toothpaste one just him pissed about his umbrella just want to brush my teeth i saw him because it was raining on our our window was

right so i saw him take his umbrella and he's like, all right, I'm going to class. And I saw him walking out the thing and I go, here we go. And he opened it and they all fucking fell out. And he just looked up at the window and I just was like, fuck you. It was great. A buddy of mine was in high school, like an all state kind of wrestler.

And I don't have cauliflower here. I only wrestled in middle school middle school which not that intense but apparently if you address it pretty quickly after it happens you can have totally normal ears like drain whatever's happening in there and it's fine and but it's kind of like a badge of honor for a lot of these guys and so now we're in our late 20s and he still has these gross fucking ears and we were getting drunk like probably like a year or two ago and i was like joe do you ever regret not getting that fixed like you work in a bank now and he's like yeah yeah definitely oh yeah like it i wish i'd gotten these fixed like it's not doing me any favors now. They do that fold forward kind of thing where there's just so much mass.

Because it is fucking gross. It's a gross look. I know that if you're in the fighter world, you're like, oh, that's dope. That's cool. That shows toughness. If you're in the non-fighter world, like 99.5% of the rest of us,

you're like, ew, that's like elephant man shit. That's funny. Yeah, because I don't want to... You said in the fighter world. That's not. Yeah, because I don't want to... You said in the fire world. That's not me. But I saw the guy with cauliflower ears on the airplane like years ago.

And my response, I didn't say anything, but I was like, oh, that guy's so cool. I bet he could beat up everyone else. Sorry, I've got to talk about your ears with you for a minute. Yeah, I don't know how to bring up the ears in like a respectful, just like, oh, yeah, fist bump. Yeah, I don't know how to bring up the ears of a respectful, just like, oh, yeah, fist bump. Yeah. You all have the fish with cauliflower.

That's not an option? Okay, well, he didn't bite. Yeah, I don't like the look of those at all. I would definitely have to get that fixed. But I think the main reason most fighters don't fix it is they're just going to get the same injury again. I wonder if you're more prone to it after you've had it already and then you get it fixed.

If you're a pro fighter, there's no reason to fix it. Like you're right. It's just going to happen again. The, the fighters at my gym fixed it themselves all the time. Like, like did,

how do you fix it yourself? They do use a syringe and drain it and they just do it in the bathroom mirror at like the event. And like, these are small time fighters. I'm not with, and they're, yeah. How about at home yeah oh time is of the essence yeah so literally post fight they're like i they have pictures of post fight i got you yeah so post fight they're in what would be like a restaurant bathroom style thing like it's a gym it's just a mirror with like

five sinks and a big mirror and there they are are all syringing their ears as a group activity. Is it just blood? At first it is. But then it gets hard and it's a surgical procedure to scrape it out. And then they tape it in its new form and it takes a while to heal.

It's like an ounce of prevention, pound of cure type thing. Yeah. Man. Combat sports are fucked yeah yeah really like it's so fucked um speaking of combat sports i know this is kyle's favorite subject on the show how are you feeling about your penguins so far this year i know you're a huge hockey fan i'm very excited yeah you no no i was making fun because kyle hates time we're going we're going brady bunch style am i going uptown or uh no i think the penguins are penguins are you know they're they're so banged up they're like lost most man to injury kind of like in all the NHL. And Mike Sullivan has gotten these,

this core of like young kids and like these bandaid kind of penguins to come in. And for some reason or another, they are winning. They're, they're using their speed, their youth. And I don't think they have anything to lose.

So it's, it's kind of nice to see that with Crosby out with, I mean, literally since the beginning of the season, they've been playing without two lines. Yeah. So it's pretty wild. I love the perseverance, but I think it always starts from the top down.

I think Lemieux is such a great precedent in terms of winning that it's kind of bleeded down. So I'm a huge fan. But you're Blues. You got to be happy with what you guys have done. Oh, super happy with them winning the cup. I was so drunk at that parade downtown just it was a blaster but not as drunk as brett hall nobody was as drunk as brett hall uh you know he i keep meaning to buy one i want to buy a we went blues shirt because he got he got wasted on in like front of the whole city of st louis and because

he he dodged his handlers and he yelled we went blues instead of let's go blues. And he's like, so he's like, we, we already went, we don't have to go again. We went, who do you think you are?

I am. Yeah. It's like you fucking scored like 750 goals in the NHL and you're just wasted. He is fat now, but yeah, I'm happy with how the blues are doing this season. We were on a really nice tear.

We've lost the last three, the first of which was, I think, to the Penguins, but that was only a matter of time. We're playing without four of our best players, including Tarasenko. But until the All-Star break, nothing really matters. I mean, it's all just trying to lobby and stay within playoff standing, but it'll kick in. Exactly right. That guy, that new goalie for Pittsburgh who's been playing instead of Murray,

I think he got... Justin Jari, yeah. Yeah, Jari, he's been incredible. I watched some of the game, the Blues versus Penguins. I was busy, so I couldn't watch it all, but he looked excellent, excellent. He's great, yeah.

He broke the record for most shutout periods or length of time. So I think, you know, nowadays in the NHL, the workload's so extravagant that I think that Jari and Murray are going to share just like Murray and Fleury did. Yeah. Penguins have been very fortunate with their young goalies.

That is rare to happen. Wasn't Murray the first goalie to – he didn't play a single regular season game in 2016 and only played the playoffs, won the Stanley Cup. Then after he won the Stanley Cup, he played his rookie season and then won the Stanley Cup again. And so he was the first player, I think, in NHL history to have played one regular season and have won two Stanley Cups. He peaked at 16. Yeah, he really did.

He peaked at 16, yeah. How do you keep wanting to work hard if you're like, yeah, that record's not getting broke ever? I did it. Yeah, how are we going to do that go how many people are allowed on the roster i was just i was just wondering like in hockey are there got it on the nf in the nfl for example there are guys who like just sat on the bench the whole year but they got the ring and you know it's a 22 it's uh i think it's 20. There's a little wiggle room there. Usually you ice two goalies, six defensemen, maybe a seventh,

and then 12 forwards. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of room for you. No. They couldn't be like, hey, this Taylor guy's a big fan. I mean, look at his wardrobe. Need I say more? Look at the only thing in his. Let's get him on the roster boys come on

that girl who had cancer or maybe it wasn't cancer some horrible disease that the Blues were it was a little girl Layla that the Blues were bringing around through the whole playoffs and she got a ring because apparently the thing is they can make as many rings as they want what's really limited

is whose name can be on the stanley cup like you have to play a certain amount of because like the big unlike the nfl i guess like the big trophy isn't the ring in hockey it's having your name on the cup and so like yeah if you only play like you have to play a minimum number of regular season or playoff games combined in order to qualify yeah there are guys that have been on the ice that were at that game that won the cup that their name isn't on the cup.

You only played four games and this thing has only got so much space. It's unlimited space. Fair enough. It wouldn't be unlimited. They literally engrave the cup. What happens is the cup has Well, I guess fair enough. It wouldn't be unlimited, though. Maybe I'm confused. They literally engrave the cup, right?

So what happens is the cup has like five rings. And then when it fills, they retire a ring, put it in the Hall of Fame, and add a new one. Oh. Yeah. And there's like, I think it's the oldest trophy in the four major sports by a good bit. It's been around forever and there have been years like i don't know like people who want it in like the 40s where they're like we don't know where the o is to stamp people's names on so we're going to use a q and so like literally it'll be like stanley cup champions montreal canadians 1942 and it'll just be like oscar you know whatever

and the o will be a q because they just didn't want to look around i wish i had the lore exactly right but i think it was one of the oilers players they partied with the cup too hard and they dented it and like like it was damaged so they took it to an automobile repair like they went to mako and like dentless paint repair. They fixed the cup. That's so funny. My buddy Dave Bolin, he played for the Blackhawks. Awesome. And he told me this story.

He was, you know, every player gets the cup for a day. And Dave was the only one that still lived in Chicago. And I lived in Chicago for a bit. That's how I got to know him. And he would stay that still lived in Chicago. And I lived in Chicago for a bit. That's how I got to know him. And he would stay for the summers in Chicago. So he has the cup and he gets a call from the president, from Rocky Wurtz and like two other higher ups at the Blackhawks. They go, listen, whatever you do, do not take the Stanley Cup to Wrigley Field. You are not allowed to take it to Wrigley Field. Well, he's drinking.

It's a day game, and he doesn't go to Wrigley Field, but he goes to those bleachers, the rooftop bleachers, across from Wrigley Field, and he's parting with the cup. So now everybody at the game is not paying attention to the game. They're all looking at Dave, and Dave's holding the cup up, and the place is not paying attention to the game. They're all looking at Dave and Dave's holding the cup up. And the place is going crazy. And next thing you know, a swarm of people came over to that rooftop bar. And so Dave had to get police escort out of Wrigleyville that day.

And there's video of it, of him like walking through the streets because it was the first one. And then he also told me that he was on his rooftop of his brownstone and there was like a little chat between his brownstone the other one and him and his buddy were up on you know screaming at the city of chicago and so drunk they fell over they got wedged in between the two buildings and stuck there and they had to pull it out come on on. You would think that if your response were this thing, you'd just be like, hey, are you going to be crazy with it? No.

No, I'm going to sit it next to my fucking couch and you can come look at it. The responsible nature of 24-year-old professional athletes. I'm too surprised and disappointed, Kyle. What would they do? how much trouble would you be in if you like let's say let's say you lost it that's happened let's let's and it didn't what let's say it wasn't recovered oh see that people might turn against you for but this other stuff

stuck in a building mobbed by a crowd dented uh you know like we need to get a deep sea diver like that kind of stuff just adds to your legend i think literally just set the cup down on a public fountain in dc and then took his shirt off and started swimming in the fountain and everyone everybody was stoked on it they're like he's having a great time there's a handler there's a handler that wears white gloves and doesn't that. That goofy blonde guy? Yeah. He doesn't touch the cup with, like, greasy fingers. He wears white gloves and treats it in a certain way. And then the players are, like, pissing in it. It's hilarious.

It's the greatest sport. It's the greatest trophy in all sports. Like, the cup looks like something you want to win. Like, the Lombardi trophy looks like a sales award. Like, you'd get if you sold those Marriott timeshares. It's awful looking. And MLB is just a bunch of flags. NBA, same thing, right?

It's just the ball and like... They need to step up their trophy game. Yeah, the Stanley Cup. Way less popular than the NFL or NBA. Better trophy. Yeah, they should just copy the cup. Just give it up on your dumb sales award and try something better. Phil Pritchard.

Yeah. This guy, this guy has been full time guarding the cup for what looks like 35 years. That's a big ass trophy. Yeah. I didn't, I stopped parting my hair in the middle of eighth grade when I learned like, Oh,

I want to get laid. I put a curly one on the soap. There's girls out there in the world. This dude is still rocking that feathered right down the middle totally 80s like he looks like he manages the chippendales in florida yeah so bad he has so many tommy bahama shirts 22 years he's been watching the cup wow that's boys i gotta bounce here yeah thanks for coming on yeah thank you guys so much good luck to your blues thank you good luck to your penguins do you have anything to shout out

any new uh you know tours or anything like that books i'm touring i'm getting ready to film a new hour uh at some point in 2020 i have a film coming out called the opening act it's about my earlier since stand-up it's a feature film cool um vince vaughn produced it it's got a crazy cast of comedians it's jimmy o yang alex moffer from snl cedric the entertainer bill burke ken jung russell peters tom segura felipe esparza angela johnson whitney cummings eliza schlesinger kathleen madigan like i know i'm missing a bunch of other comics too but a ton of great comics so that's going to come out at some point in 2020 and it's a really fun film about a comedian's first time

ever on the road and it takes place over four days um so that'll come out and i have the amazing jonathan documentary that's out right now on youtube that's for free you just type in always amazing on youtube you see that and uh i partnered up with bill burr to uh to put that out there so awesome those two things yeah we'll see what happens yeah cool man thanks so much for coming on yeah thanks for coming on we had a good time thank you guys so much for having me I really appreciate it I had a total blast and I'm not

I do want to say I'm sorry that my whatever happened I froze up twice I'm not doing this from a boost mobile phone so you're okay it's a cricket well thank you gentlemen so much. I appreciate it guys. Have a good one.

Thanks for coming on. So let me do a little advertisement. Yeah. I enjoyed him a lot. Let me do a couple of ads and then I have a plethora, a plethora of, of topics here and they are all more bonkers than the last. It's,

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I love my Casper mattresses. Everybody that has one does. Yeah. Yeah. No complaints. I loved watching it come out of the bag. That's the most fun part. I think there's YouTube videos about it.

Yeah. See it emerge. I wonder if there's any like prank. Oh, imagine Woody. If you took a Casper mattress, you got it out of the box, right? But it's still in the bag. And you put it in somebody's car. That'd be a total.

You couldn't get it out. Like a small car, like a Mustang or something, or like a Cavalier or a Ford Focus, like a small two-door car. And you just pop a hole in that thing, shut the door, and walk the fuck away. We should have told Steve about that for his his receipt prank that'd be so shitty oh that's funny though i enjoyed steve he was fun he was yeah he rolled with everything it was good yeah for sure for sure he didn't he didn't mind a bit of uh pedophilia here and there so taylor's not here huge ufc event coming up this weekend. I'm so excited.

Dude, Durandamy, do I have her name right? Yeah. If I don't, it's close. She lost me and she's getting me back. So here's where she lost me. She was the, I think, 145-pound female champion. Cool. Congratulations.

She was like the first one. And I don't mean to knock any champion, but if you're the first champion, usually you didn't run through everyone on your way there. All right. Yep. Then the obvious defense is against Cyborg. Now, Cyborg's a known cheater. We always talk about how manly she is

because she's been caught for steroids twice. And Durandamy is just like, you know what? I don't want to fight her. I don't want to give her a chance. I'm done. Everyone said you're scared. I'm done. Everyone said you're scared.

Might have been, but I'm turning around on that. They said you're scared to fight Cyborg just because she's mostly man. As a champion, you should take on all comers. That's the nature of being the champion. And rather than defend her belt against Cyborg, she said, fuck it.

You can have this belt. I'm out. And lost a lot of fans. Well, then she said, fuck it, you can have this belt. I'm out. And lost a lot of fans. Well, then she goes up against Holly Holmes. Holly Holmes, badass. It was a close fight. The two women were pretty equally matched. Duran and me might have won because of two shots after the bell.

Which, there's shots after the bell and then there's hard shots after the bell. And it seemed like she did good damage by hitting Holly Holmes after the bell. She nearly knocked her unconscious. Holly should have defended herself. Defend yourself at all times as part of the deal but hitting after the bell is a foul and it wasn't like she was in the motion of throwing she kind of like ignored the it was cheap it was cheap yeah so that was when my dislike for her reached its peak yeah well as a former champion she didn't just demand the title shot to get back she said you know what i'll work my way up through the ranks fuck it i'm the best there is i'm not scared that's what i'll do she did that and she fought woman after woman and now she's earned her

next title shot on top of that while she didn't want to give uh mr cyborg her chance, she is fighting Nunes, the woman who beat Cyborg, which kind of invalidates the big scaredy pants argument that people had against her. Like, I don't want to face this cheater, but the woman that beat her, I'll take her. Yeah, I mean, she is at bantamweight

now instead of featherweight. Nunes is champion in both weight classes, so you could take your pick she definitely wanted her at bantam weight um which is 135 versus 45 right correct yeah okay uh yeah i i don't i i did not like i i want i thought she won the like first ever 145 pound belt by defeating holly home i thought that that was the first you might be right and and and so i didn't care for that at all i like holly uh seems like a real sweet person biggest clinton mma and uh and i just thought it was um it was real shitty and if you go back and watch it like she

nearly ko's holly she hits her so hard after the bell, which, you know, she, she, she drew back and like hit her with her, her, her, it was the strongest punch of the entire fight. Uh, and, uh, and, and how the look on Holly's face, like she's stumbling to her corner. She's dazed on the stool. They're putting the water on her. And it's like, well, fuck, if you don't take a point away for that, then what she got to do? Like, like what, what, what is a, at what point do't take a point away for that then what you got to do like like what what is a at what point do you take a point away was that mergulata who was who was the um i can't recall who the the ref was for that but they're they're a fuck up whoever it was it was probably the guy that used to do the heart that they got rid of that wikipedia doesn't have the ref on it wouldn't be easy to see like it's not in front of me yeah the guy that used to do a heart what does that mean he'd do this thing like with his hands like he'd make a heart like when they when they'd announce him um you know and reffing the fight is uh it was yamasaki i think mario yamasaki yeah he was the one who would do the hard thing so yeah yeah, I'm very excited about that. She's going to beat the fucking shit out of Duran to me.

She is. She is. Duran to me is on a five fight win streak. The last person she lost to Amanda Nunez. Yeah. I want to see Amanda Nunez fight a man at this point. You know, that's what they said for Rhonda. That's what they said for Rhonda.

And Rhonda got exposed as a very one dimensionaldimensional athlete who but but amanda is is clearly at another level um we saw it called that ronda rousey shit years ago on this very program years ago when she was the best one and joe rogan was doing his fucking she could fight man she could men. She's like the best all time. I was like, she's the fucking guy who was hitting dingers in 1908 in MLB. A guy who would get blown the fuck out if he tried to play today. And as soon as that sport gets popular enough

to have a little bit of flow into it, of new talent, can't compete. Yeah, what he should have indicated was she could beat up men on the street which was probably which is accurate it's actually proven yeah she she could beat up a lot of men um that are walking down the street probably most of them but men who are professional no i'm no that's not what he said. I'm saying that's what he should have said. Oh, okay. But, you know.

Instead, he was acting like she could beat male UFC athletes. Yeah. There's even a quote somewhere about her boxing with Mayweather. There was a lot of, it was getting a little crazy. She was just so dominant. It was easy to buy in. And we all want to believe in that, like superhuman athlete who's better than us all at anything, whether it's athletics or any sort of thing. You're like, oh, yeah, a Superman, a hero, someone we can aspire to be like.

And, you know, it just didn't pan out. But Nunez, on the other hand, I want to see her. you know it just didn't pan out but Nunez on the other hand I want to see her I don't think she can fight any any guys who are in the UFC now but what does it take to get in the UFC there's a little paperwork from Dana White right right we need to find a lighter uh I'm missing his name he was a WWF or e-champion he was terrible he's like the poster boyfriend never should have been in the ufc yeah cm punk cm punk right a smaller cm punk how does nunez do i don't even know i never watched that shit yeah she could someone at her same weight but who is just kind of athletic right maybe his sport shouldn't be he shouldn't have a combat background. He should be like the 400th best badminton player. Or the very best jockey.

Yes, the very best jockey. Nunez could go to the Kentucky Derby and wipe the floor with every jockey that's attending. I'd definitely give her that one. And a couple of the horses. She's a badminton player. A couple of them. They wouldn't give her that one. Right. And a couple of the horses. She's a bad one. And a couple of the horses. Yeah. They wouldn't see the first couple shots coming.

So that's... She's great. That's one of the fights. Of course, Covington-Oosman. I've been waiting. I'm still trying not to get my hopes up. I need them both to make weight. Right?

There's this concept of MMA gods that doesn't exist in other sports. Right. And you guys have heard this before. There's definitely going to be a Stanley cup this year. There's definitely going, there's not definitely going to be a Covington Usman fight. Not until they both weigh in and rehydrate.

Do we know that they'll probably make the stage until then? You don't know. I think it was Barrio or something like that. He made weight and then, you don't know. I think it was Barrio or something like that. He made weight, or maybe he was making weight, and he bumped his head on the bathtub and got knocked out and missed his fight. That shit happens last second. He got cut from it, yeah, or something like that.

Maybe it was a concussion too. Sucks to suck, man. Bad shit happens, and there's a lot of fights coming up that it's like, God, I hope it finally happens. The Khabib-Tony fight is the biggest one because it's been canceled three times already. For sure. The Covington-Uzman fight,

I've been like throwing the steroid dart at so many people, but I just don't believe that Covington set the all-time record for punches thrown and landed without being on EPO or something, right? Like, this natural athlete has surpassed all the dirty records in the history of the UFC. No way. No way. And if you look at Usman's body, oh my God, he fails every eye test.

I'm looking him up now. This guy is just. Some people just don't look natural i was watching um like a highlight reel the other day and they were a bunch of clips from uh like old like ufc3 or something like that and i looked at the girls with me and i was like you notice how they used the ufc fighters used to be gigantic and look like action figures they didn't test for steroids back then yeah like we look at the stars of today compared to the stars of like ufc 3 4 5 and that you know that that early era it's night and day it's night and day like like frank shamrock and and guys in in his time they didn't look real. They looked superhuman.

Usman looks superhuman. He might be like my leading candidate for eye test failing right now. Yeah, maybe so. Or Acosta. Acosta doesn't look human. Oh, I'm sorry. What am I thinking?

Acosta and Yoel. But yeah, anyway, this guy's in that top tier of unattainable bodies. Outrageous. So I don't know. I just need them to get to the ring, the two of them, and actually have their fight. And I can't wait.

I can't wait to see it, the style of matchup. It might be dull. I don't know. All sorts of grappling. I mean, I want to jose fight at 135 i didn't know his opponent until he fought uh triple c yeah so huda and now i'm a fan and i i want to see him and and jose and do that and then it kicks off with uriah faber like this whole card it's rare that all five fights have my, have my interest.

And every single one of them are for belts. And like, I'm down. I'm, and I'm, I hope I almost kind of hope that one of the fights fall. One of the things that I think, one of the things that I think is really cool about the UFC is when a fight

does fall through, sometimes they bring somebody out of the shadows who was like, you didn't even know that they were prepped for the fight they're ready to fill in and you're like oh really he's gonna fight tonight well that's worth that's even better that's even better you know i i like that a lot sometimes get some crazy upsets they do different things kyle probably knows this but people might not sometimes they'll literally pay a fighter to be on standby like all right woody and kyle probably knows this but people might not sometimes they'll literally pay a fighter to be on standby like all right woody and kyle are fighting taylor you do a training

camp just in case one or the other doesn't make it through you can jump in that happened with that pink-haired guy who beat up uh kimbo slice that's absolutely right yeah so i don't know if they paid him or he was last second i think they were heavyweight and people don't have to like yeah he was last second he was not but and other times they'll schedule fights that way they'll be like here's this title fight and here's a contender fight on the same night and if someone in the title fight falls through a contender slips up there i'm sorry slips up is the wrong term moves up and he'll either go for the belt or they'll make an interim belt for him. And that'll be a thing. So I've got a couple of topics here. Go on.

We should maybe, maybe be thinking about who you think is going to win or lose. And maybe the end of the show, we'll make some picks. Maybe, maybe we'll do a little betting here. Is this your seat? Yeah.

Oh yeah. I'm not going to bet on anything else. All right. So here, here I've got a few topics. I'm just going to run through them let me know which one you'd like me to to go a little deeper on mall santa and there's a picture of him here he does look quite a bit like santa well he was arrested for making kids touch and lick his

erect penis coated in sugar and painted like a candy cane yeah i've heard enough i need to know more about this guy bear with me because this is the least funny of all the stories. Arizona taxidermist arrested for stuffing his dead wife and keeping her on the couch. Woman sues her ex-husband for making her believe that she could get pregnant from anal sex.

For years! Alright, I have my cool guy of the week candidate. Dude, there should be a retard clause. For years! Alright, I have my cool guy of the week candidate. Dude, there should be a retard clause. For years! No, no. At least some sort of evolution in biology should have played in and let you know that's not how that happens. FBI seizes over 3,000

penises during a raid at a morgue employee's home. I say we just go in order. These are all so good. Colorado hunter claims he was sexually assaulted by a Sasquatch. Nah, he was just a hairy man.

They're on the lookout for a Missouri grad. They're on the lookout for a Sasquatch or an Italian male. Last but not least, San Francisco police interrupt a sex party involving midgets, emus, and a fountain of

sperm. Over 70 arrests. Wow. That's a lot of sperm. 50 gallons of sperm. Provided by the midgets? That would take extra long. I don't think that's economically viable probably provided by the emus the emus yes okay maybe they have big loads i'm down with uh with any of those they all sound great they all sound great to me the first one was a mall santa

tricking children with a sugar-coated cock yeah yeah let's lead off with him he's good all right all right uh i'll go ahead and link you so that so that you know wonder how they'll put this in sugar-coated cock? Yeah, let's lead off with him. He's good. Alright. I'll go ahead and wink you so that... I wonder how they'll put this in the timeline that won't get us copyright struck. Santa makes kids suck candy cock. No, no. It's not good. Candy cane surprise.

Candy cane surprise, not bad. Little Rock police officers responded to the vicinity of Park Plaza Mall don't go to the mall kids for a report of an intoxicated man dressed in a Santa Claus outfit within the mall who was allegedly touching children in an inappropriate

manner quote he pulled down his pants behind a curtain and asked my child if he would like to take a lick off of his erect penis, which was painted in a candy cane fashion and coated in sugar. One parent told reporters in horror. One 10-year-old victim described to the police how Clinton had, Clinton, I love it, had painted his testicles in the holiday spirit and how they look like shiny and glimmering

Christmas balls. Now, I just heard that one of my cousins is stealing my bit in Arizona right now. And you know what? If you see this, Henry, fuck you. I'm not getting you pardoned. Other children were led behind a curtain. Where is this curtain? Where Henry... They call it the rape drape.

The rape drape. Apparently made them... He made the children, he made them pick from several candy canes that he had inserted into his rectum. Ooh. Can you guys get yeast infections? These all smell like fish.

Oh, do you want to lick the other candy cane? No, this one's fine. That candy cane doesn't feed on it. This guy was on a spree of sex crimes. Look, here's a third report of what he did this day. Quote, this sounds like it's a mother, a woman. He grabbed me by the arm and shoved me, this isn't funny,

and shoved me under the mistletoe where he gave me a full-tongue French kiss in front of my 76 year old mother my husband and my three children one traumatized chopper told reporters is this real this is too far did you hear what he's going to face between 18 days in jail and 1587 years that's quite that's... That's a huge disparity right there. He needs Kyle's attorneys to get him to the 18-day rate.

How much does this Honda Civic cost? At least $5? No more than 1.2 mil. I like this here. One 10-year-old. Did you say this one? Oh, you read that. That's shiny.

But the one under, it's really good. He admitted to officers that he was quite horny and he really needed a blowjob. Is that a defense? Dismissed. We've all been there. Not your honor. He was horny. And if you look at the photos, you can see the sheer weight of those balls.

It needed to be released. How was he supposed to bring Christmas cheer if he can't even get a Christmas nut? Is world news? Oh, wait a minute. It's not a fake news site, is it, Woody? Well, their tagline is World News Daily Report, where facts don't matter. Oh, man.

Are they all from this website? In my defense, this is linked... The first story about my defense, this is linked. The first story about the emu fucking is linked in our topics list. And so I just went straight from there. And then I found these others. These are all... God damn it,

Woody. Why'd you point that out? Why'd you say, God damn it, Woody? Because you pulled back the curtain and revealed the wizard was but a man. I'd say we go with it. Hey, where facts don't matter, right? Some people are just going to click the timeline.

They won't even catch that little tidbit right there. Elderly woman accused of training her 65 cats to steal from neighbors. Now we all know. Members of midget crime gangs suspected of 55 break-ins. They just go through the dog door. I have a topic.

Shit. Damn it. I was looking forward to all those. Those were ludicrous. And with a name like World News Daily Report, it's very official. It really is. Yeah, it's not the Goofy Goober's News Cycle

or something. The tagline I read was News You Can Trust and I was like, alright, let's go. I'm already trusting you. Well, here, let's see what their celebrity news is so we can do it mother on deathbed says 12 year old son is offspring

of human chimpanzee love affair man clinically dead for six hours says he went to heaven and met Jeffrey Epstein Saudi prince offers 200 camels to spend a night with ivanka trump yeah i'm like at least 40 sure these aren't real i watched more of that podcast you told me to watch i'm so bad with names jre had a guy from alaska who's lived oh yeah his name was like um something severe or sevre or something i don't know it was really good i like that guy that guy was cool i i so um he only went to school through fourth grade and he also attended ninth grade and joe's like did you get a ged or anything that he's like no never needed one he came off pretty bright like he was articulate and well-spoken and just smart and it was glenn glenn venuve uh episode 1395 if anyone wants to

check it out he walked across is it vermont no maybe new hampshire they're both the same uh at 13 at 13 his parents dropped him off and joe's like what'd you do for food he's like oh that no i just i just bought it and carried it on my back like i don't know like that's what all 13 year olds would do i just wasn't i didn't have to hunt or anything it was no big deal like it's still a big deal what what parents let their 13 year olds walk across new hampshire his did there's a trail established one with paint and stuff it may be called the long trail yeah i think it's called the long trail or something like that something very very much like that super interesting he went to alaska did you say this they're called end of the rotors i forget where

i heard this term before i think he said it okay and uh uh yeah he just went to alaska drove to the end of the road and put up a shelter and rogan had me laughing he he had a hundred square foot cabin now the cabin's not much to look at but the lake it's on is the most beautiful piece of real estate on the planet right like it's just outrageous and uh uh it's a 100 square foot this cabin that he lived in and the government made him take it down he got a permit for a cabin but the that one was an illegal structure so he had to take down this cabin and put up a new cabin and joe's like you know why don't you just tell the guy like all right i'm gonna take this cabin down like while you're not here and when you come back that's the new cabin i put it back up and the guy's like no you know it's me and a family of four it was time to upgrade it's a

hundred square feet for yeah a hundred square feet is 10 foot by 10 foot room that four people lived in right that's this room that's half this room that's smaller than the room i did right they had four people living in it and joe's like, you got to get yourself a 200 square foot cabin. Go fucking nuts. Go wild. Huge cabin. I would imagine he has no sense of humor about it. He's like, Joe, don't you know how expensive timber is up there?

It's free, I think. I cut on my own timber. Yeah. It's very labor intensive joe he he knew things that i hadn't even considered right he was like you know it's getting cold enough to hunt elk and joe's like is there elk or maybe it was moose it doesn't matter he's like is there elk season in alaska is that it and like because in my mind there's like no authorities in this place he he doesn't live in Anchorage.

He lives someplace that's not named yet. I don't know. There is no name for the place I live. And he's like, no, I don't have a refrigerator. I just have a pole. So I need to be able, like it's hunting season when I can leave that meat on the ground for a few hours and there's no fly eggs in it or something like that. that meat on the ground for a few hours and there's no fly eggs in it or something like that.

And, uh, like me as a city guy, like that's not something I would have known to, to be aware of that, you know, he needs this natural refrigerator to start working for him. Then he just,

he has a big pole tall. He's, I forget how tall it is, like 20 feet. He was pretty pal of the length of his pole. And, uh, that is his refrigerator for the winter time.

You just mean it's a like a metal pole outside that he hangs i think it was once a tree but now there's no branches at all and so it's a wooden pole yeah i think i i would think so yeah yeah that was my interpretation but he was like you know i put up that pole myself and i'm like'm like, maybe it's hard to fucking put. I bet he had the dick. Imagine digging that hole, right? Frozen tundra. Yeah.

Yeah. And then standing, but like, and then standing that pole up in the hole. Like I bet, I bet everything he does is hard. Yeah. Everything like when,

when it gets cold like that, I've heard people say, talk about just how much more difficult, even the smallest tasks are when you're in 40 below or what a lifestyle he's chosen for himself like he could have been a wild man in north dakota or or in southern canada somewhere montana montana's got so much room but he chose the arctic the consequences like he laid out he's like you know i'll be 16 miles from home and i gotta walk back 16 miles apparently is not a very long walk to this guy he does it all the time yeah and he's like but i have to get back

like i have to there's no other option i like if i don't get to that cabin tonight he didn't say the words i die but that's there like we all know what he's thinking and saying like i have to get back there's no other option like everything where he is is life and death right i have a debit card that gets me out of all my problems yeah yeah like if you don't make it home tonight then that means you slept in your truck right he doesn't make it home tonight it means he froze to death in the wilderness i've taken like three mile Ubers before because it was chilly. Absolutely. And I don't know.

I just had a respect for the self-education that he put himself through. And I thought that was really neat. This guy's way smarter than me in the areas that are important in his life. And I thought that was pretty cool. I love that guy a lot. I really enjoyed that episode. I want to meet his life. I thought that was pretty cool. I love that guy a lot. I really enjoyed that episode.

I want to meet his wife. Not meet, but I wish she were there. I wonder why. Me too. Come on, you know why! I think your assumption is it's the lifestyle, right? Yeah. His tongue kept getting stuck to her pussy.

I think that it might have been the fact that there's no break from friction like i think that's imagine i think that it'd be hard to marry to someone you work with right if you work together all day then you're home at night all day then that cycle just repeats ad infinitum i'm sure i came close on that ad infinitum and uh i think that it's nice to go away from work and come back and have a little space that might have been the kind of thing that made marriage tough if you live with someone in a 100 square foot cabin and everything you do all the time is relentlessly together then it's double hard to maintain a relationship i think

maybe maybe so i would think that it'd be like suck like like i don't know like like to him this is like what he's always wanted to do clearly since he was a child like this guy read my side of the mountain or hatchet or something like that and he's like that's me but her at some point she's got to be like you know i really thought you'd grow out of this you know i had a boyfriend that played a lot of Pokemon. That's starting to look pretty good right now. 24, I sold all his cards and he got over it in a week. You know, when do we get to have a telephone again?

To the one that are still watching, don't marry a guy thinking about how you're going to change him. Marry a guy that is the guy that you want. Hmm. Well, yep. I think that all the ladies out there, the tens of thousands of listening, maybe stop at tens wanting to suck our dicks.

Obviously. Nice. So, yeah, I wouldn't want to live with this guy either. Fuck that. 10 by 10. i'd like to spend a a few weeks with him maybe you know i want to say that until you're 40 minutes into day one and you are bored to tears what are you doing there oh it didn't sound boring at all he's out hunting with

a rifle that's that's my jam i i love doing that shit like out in the woods hypothetically hey can you use a bow yeah eventually yeah okay i think on probation i'm not allowing any weapons but like once that's over i'm pretty sure i could there are air rifles that'll kill deer that shoot like 50 caliber bullets fast enough to kill a deer i i was looking up loopholes for you i'm like well i know he can't own guns but you know maybe he could like use mine or something like I'll own all his guns. No, it turns out that possession is

very broadly defined, including holding. As a matter of fact, one guy got in trouble for a gun that was in his presence. It might have been on his table or something like that. That was possession. What if I hold the gun while we're hunting

and you tell me how to aim? I thought you were going to say and I pull the trigger. I'm like, a little to the left, Taylor. Too far. Too far. To me, you're not in possession of that gun, I think. I don't know.

Alright. Now squeeze the trigger. You got it. You just make like a Rube Goldberg machine where you like blow on a paper fan and then a bunch of marbles fall and a string and the paper cap goes up and wheels there. The flame burns the string

and the deer runs away. Fuck. We're never going to kill them if they start moving before the 120 second timer. Why do we use 600 marbles in the construction of this? The deer runs Fuck. We're never going to kill them if they start moving before the 120 second timer is up. Why do we use 600 marbles in the construction of this? The deer runs every time they hit the barrel. And we're losing so many marbles

and we're losing the snow and I can't... Well, I didn't bring more marbles, Kyle. I didn't bring more string either. I don't have the budget. I was overly optimistic in the Rube Goldberg machine. Next you're going to get on to me for bringing one candle, aren't you? Yeah, that was a good episode. I would, yeah.

I'd like to have him on this show. I don't want to be in his cabin, but I would love him on my podcast. Like that, I think is cool. He had a guy on today that was really fascinating i watched the whole episode it was a it was a short episode um no this was an older guy uh i think the episode was like an hour and 38 minutes and this guy's name is um it's an hour 18 minutes his name is s c gwynn um he's this older white haired gentleman and he wrote a book about um the comanche indians and uh he's very knowledgeable about the comanche indians and i didn't know any of the shit that he was talking about and and i'm really into that stuff and he was talking about what incredible horsemen they were and uh and and and how how

good they were with the bow off off of horseback and it was really fascinating stuff like the crazy like they would be riding the horse and they would go under the horse and they would shoot the bow under the the horse's neck it's someone who was like riding parallel with them like all kinds of crazy shit like that and you know we've seen that youtube archer who like throws up a target and like shoots it twice like and he was he was like yeah that's that's the sort of thing that the comanche warriors could do with a bow and it was really cool stuff oh it's interesting to me so i think like a lot of people i assume that the rifle that the american settlers had were just way better than the bows and i guess they were in in some ways certainly range but uh there are

ways that the bow is better too and and speed was a big part of it the fact that they could get off i'm making this up five shots to the rifle and their reload and all the challenges associated with that um like it it's i don't know like an uneducated version we're just pointing and laughing at the indians and how hopeless they were. But you think about it more, it's like, oh, there's good reason that they thought they had a shot with the bow. Yeah, he talked about that a little bit. He talked about how like the maybe it was the first Texas Rangers or definitely the first like settlers that the Indians were having to fight. They had three shots.

They had their Kentucky rifle, which is like a single-shot rifle. Then they had maybe two single-shot pistols. And then they're out. Now they're hand-to-hand. Meanwhile, the Indians got a whole handful of arrows. He's just... Those were horrific people. If they captured a baby, they killed a baby

because they're like nomads. They couldn't support a baby. They were like still Stone Age level. If they captured an adult fighting age man, they would torture him to death. Depending on how much time they had, they tortured him for a few hours to death or maybe a few days if they got the time to really take their time with you. But if they captured like an 8 to 12-year-old child be like ah you could be one of us and they and you know they would just kind of sort of adopt you and you'd end up being a comanche and it was

really interesting stuff hearing him talk about all this stuff i'm 16 but i'm really open-minded guys can we actually the tribe you captured me from isn't much different from your put the knife down please like no that's just the way our voices sound it's it's deeper than my age is yeah yeah those those tribes are brutal to one another brutal to yeah yeah lots of conquering and ebb and flow of battle i guess you had to get really good on the back of that horse because if it was like fuck that tribe over there they're pretty goddamn good on their horses we got to get better and then eventually they duke it out and whoever's better on their horses is is the new king of the tundra and that's probably how it went yeah that was a huge technological

advance when the spanish brought the horses over in the 1600s and and by the 1800s the indians had perfected that shit yeah yeah they it's crazy to think about like so our wild horses here in the u.s now just horses that got away or were just let go and now they're just like wild stallions i guess they're called huh yeah those didn't exist here i think america i think there's wild horses in north carolina on the beach there are yeah yeah there's some island that uh like one of my ex-girlfriends had gone to this island up there and uh and they had pictures of the horses and they were really beautiful.

They were like spotted. I don't know. I don't remember where exactly they were. I thought it was South Carolina, but maybe it's multiple islands up there. The Outer Banks, the Barry Islands have horses. Hmm. Well, the more you know,

I've never seen a wild horse. They're not around here no to my knowledge unless they're very stealthy walking around corners St. Louis homeless is going to be on horseback in no time just walking down downtown so I have this guy this is not a fake made-up news story um this is a guy

who's i guess making the rounds on twitter um i've seen him on a few subreddits hold my feeding tube is one of them um let me find his twitter because that's the best place to start hold my feeding tube yeah that's that's old people doing silly shit. Hold my feeding tube? Yeah, that's interesting. Hold people doing silly shit? No, it's people who will soon need a feeding tube. Think of hold my Red Bull gone wrong. Okay.

So they'll dive into the shallow end style stunts. Perfect. I'm excited to see what this absolute retard does. So his twitter handle is superhuman and he's not basically he does his own made up

jackass style stunts and this is the guy who jumped on the microwave this is the guy who jumped on the microwave he elbow dropped the microwave super humming his most recent post was yesterday and it might be a while before we get another one because he had this getting power bomb onto barbed wire christmas tree

christmas special yeah he has two folding chairs and suspended across them are a real shitty christmas tree but then coiled on top of that is like 50 yards of fucking barbed wire. And he's got this guy, what do you call those? Luchador. He's got a guy wearing a luchador mask who looks like he could power bomb a man,

and that man is going to power bomb him. Are we ready? Oh, yeah. Let me get back to zero. Three, two, one, play. Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers. I wish you a merry fucking Christmas. This is Superhuman Team Show. This guy's cool.

I'm with Scoop and Paul. He's got power on me onto a barbed wire Christmas tree. This is for our jigglers and jigglers. Don't try this at home. I hope you like it. Whoop, whoop. What did he say? This is for chicklets?

I love the whoop, whoop. Fuck this shit. Ah, ah, ah. I love the whoop whoop. Fuck. That. Shit. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ho ho ho. My. Ah.

Ah. The scream. Ho ho ho. My. Fuck. Yeah. I went right back to the screen to hear it again. I'm watching the whole thing again.

I need to hear these words. Don't try this at home. I hope you like it. Whoop whoop. This is for jugglers and hear these words. Don't try this at home. Is this for Juggalo and Juggalettes? Maybe that's what he's saying. I'm going to this guy's account. For the Juggalos and the Juggalettes.

That's Kareem. That sounds genuine to me. Ho, ho, ho, motherfuckers. This is for the Juggalos And juggalettes this guy's gonna powerbomb I gotta find The one where he just like Oh you wanna see him powerbomb the uh I wanna see the microwave where he's just So injured

Have you seen that Have you seen any of these No he's new to me Yeah let me get the microwave one Awesome He's selling his own ugly sweater Have you seen any of these? No, he's new to me. Yeah, let me get the microwave one. I found the microwave one. He's selling his own ugly sweater. It's a picture of him and it says, whoop, whoop.

This one looks worse than the barbed wire. Yeah, this is definitely worse than the barbed wire. This one, you're risking some nerve damage and maybe breaking your arm or shattering your elbow or something. The barbed wire is just... You know, barbed wire. All right. Whoop, whoop.

I'm queued up at zero. Three million views. I think that's a lot for Twitter. Three, two, one, play. This is SuperHumanTV. Today, I'll be jumping onto this microwave. This is for juggal, 2, 1, play. This is SuperHumanTV. Today I'll be jumping onto this microwave. This is for juggalos and juggalettes. Don't try this at home.

I hope you like it. Whoop, whoop! Fuck this shit! Oh my god! That's genuine. This guy's cool. This guy's awesome. You know in sports where the coach might say,

sacrifice your body for the play. This is a man who took that to heart. He sacrifices his body for the play every fucking night out. Holy shit. He hits his rib cage on the corner of a microwave. Did he jump too far? I didn't notice it in his rib cage. I got to watch again now.

I thought he broke his collarbone. No, no. He lands almost back first. His collarbone's safe. Okay. He must have broken a rib cage. I gotta watch again now. I thought he broke his collarbone. No, no. He lands almost back first. His collarbone's safe. Okay. He must have broken a rib cage. Is that microwave? It's dented to shit. Oh my god.

Woody's right. He tried to elbow drop it, but instead he hit it with his rib cage. Yeah, this guy's cool as shit. This guy is undisputed cool guy of the week so far. It's super H-U-M-M-A-N. One, two, three, four.

If you want to follow him. I just followed him. I'm on his YouTube channel right now. I'm looking for some winners. I guess I'll sort by most of you. This guy's pain tolerance. This looks way more painful than your jack more jackass this pain tolerance is not abnormally high it's just decision making is abnormally bad i'm not seeing like him break

a rib and be like it's cool i mean right body slam a microwave and i think all three of us are gonna be making a bigger deal than that. What? That is maximum big dealage. What do you have to do to make a bigger deal than that? I mean, he wasn't screaming. He was just rolling around riding a bike. He was. It was more of a groan and a groan. Okay, I guess you're right. But honestly, that makes it more impressive.

That's the noise I make when I'm at maximum pain level. Yeah, no, this is... I can't stop watching this barbed wire one this is so funny 131 000 followers good for him i don't i i wouldn't trade that for the things he's done why is youtube is over party trending i don't know monetized or something it's not on my trending list i have an attitude adjustment into a dumpster oh it's trends for me oh i didn't know it worked like that i don't know anything about twitter i don't understand twitter i try to see like i'll get a

reply and i'm like what are they replying to and i can't tell fucking suck it the old twitter unit interface i had no trouble with the The new one, I'm lost. I mean, it seems simple. Is it a different microwave? The old Twitter interface was way better. The new one is shitty. I found out why I got banned from Twitch.

It almost certainly is because... See, here's the thing. For the background, which everyone here knows, Wings of Redemption lost a one to one to Syndicate, I laughed, I wasn't laughing at him, I was just trying to, like, lighten the mood or something, or maybe nervously laughed, or whatever, and Wings said, yeah, yeah, stop fucking laughing, maggot, but not maggot, and, uh, anyway, I had a bad game

and people were writing that in the chat. Stop fucking laughing. I read it out loud. Afterwards, I was like, yeah, but I'll probably get away with it because no one cares about me. Someone does. And I got banned for seven days.

Oh, that's good. It's only seven. Yeah. It was seven or 30 were the numbers I had seen batted around. And the timing is almost good. I had that PRP thing done to my elbow yesterday. And it hurts.

I shouldn't be putting it on a table for four hours at a time. And it's forcing us to take a little break. I think this guy is going to need some PRP after his YouTube career is over. I'm going through these. I just saw him do an ass drop. I think he calls it going to need some PRP after his YouTube career is over. I'm going through these. I just saw him do an ass drop. I think he calls it a butt buster. He does. Onto a microwave.

Oh my, flying elbow onto bricks. Is he on YouTube? Oh yeah, I'm on his YouTube. Here, I'll link his YouTube channel. I'm sorry. Okay, because to me it's just Twitter. Yeah, Chiz linked his YouTube there, so I followed that on over.

This is a specific video. I have to sign in to confirm my age. Like and subscribe to this guy. Let's just go ahead and watch this one, the one I linked, because he's doing an elbow drop onto bricks. Mick Foley style, as he puts it. All right, I'm ready. I'm just maximizing this. Mick Foley style as he puts it alright I'm ready

I'm just maximizing this Mick Foley style he's just no effort taken into the beginning of the monologue just no no no no no this guy's cool superhuman H-U-M-M-A-N

sub to him superhuman if you see this don't copyright claim me. Ready, set, play. This is Superhuman. This is for the chickalos and chickalettes. Don't try this at home. I hope you like it. Whoop, whoop.

The whoop, whoop lacked enthusiasm. Fuck this shit! Oh my god! Fuck! This never worked out for him. Woody's reaction is almost as good as the video. Like, when he's like, Oh god! I didn't expect that!

Butt buster onto thumbtack steel chairs. Okay, here's another one. It says butt buster onto thumbtack on steel chairs. I just wonder where he jumps into a wheelbarrow full of Legos. I like the pre-fight speech. Dude, this guy is a true king. This guy is great.

He's awesome. I guess he's saying the exact same thing. Now that I've heard it a few times, he's definitely saying juggalos and juggalettes. I don't know if fuck this shit is like a juggalo cliche, mantra, words to live by. But, alright. Ready, set. Which one? The light? Thumbtacks.

Getting hit with a light barbed wire chair. Oh, okay. We'll do the light barbed wire. Dude, I'll watch them all. Let's go. They're 20 seconds apiece and it's pain. Yeah, light tube, barbed wire chair. Dude, the chair says fuck all. Let's go. They're 20 seconds apiece and it's pain. Yeah, light tube, barbed wire chair. Dude, the chair says fuck this shit on it. Nice. Ready, set,

play. It's got barbed wire and and it's got barbed wire and and dude this guy is so funny what the fuck my god all right i want to watch him do thumbtacks now this is the rest of the show sorry everyone we should stop there are a lot of audio only listeners but it is addicting I want to watch him do thumbtacks now. This is the rest of the show. Sorry, everyone. We should stop. There are a lot of audio-only listeners, but it is addicting. Oh, I'm on the brick one.

I need the... I linked the thumbtack one. It is at 9.33pm. Let me go to his most popular videos so we can finish on a bang. Oh, okay. I see it now. I'm ready. Yep.

All right. Three, two, one, play. This is for juggalos and juggalos. Don't try this at home. I hope you like it. The production value is awesome. That was a weak... He went ass first.

Oh, he's still jiggling. I don't know if you caught it there. I don't know if you caught it, but with three seconds left in the video, he's laying there, eyes closed, wiggling a little, and he goes... This guy's awesome. Subscribe to this dude. My God. Jump onto flying elbow drop onto coffee mugs.

That sounds dangerous. Flip onto barbed wire. Mick Foley style. It's always baffled me how women will go through the pain of childbirth and then decide that they should do that again. This guy could be a mother of eight. This is someone who has made a mistake. Yes.

The same way that Shoenice really painted himself into a corner. And you might even say the same for Blade these days. This guy has painted himself into a real corner here. It looks like he's just doing it as a hobby. He's having a little fun and he probably ends up

getting some ICP tickets or something out of the deal and he's happy. But if this were to blow up, if he were to get 10 million subscribers and all of a sudden the money's pouring in and everybody's like dude you already elbow dropped a refrigerator come on i'm gonna stop watching and he's like fuck i can't all right i guess i'm feeling me i'm gonna need a 50 foot tall ladder and half the appliance section but let's go he's He's going to have to keep... Oh, look at this. Is he getting like... He's getting speared. Let's watch... We can finish on this one

even though I could do this for the rest of the show. This is so funny. Getting speared through light tubes, drywall, WWE Rhino style. I like the styles he puts on there. Look at his assistant. His assistant could do this job too. Are we ready?

I'm ready. I'm queued at zero. His pre-fight speech. Taylor, has he memorized it yet? This is superhuman. This is superhuman. This is for all the juggalos and juggalos out there. There's something before this is for all the juggalos.

Let's see if we can get ready, set, play. This is superhuman TV show. I'm with my good friend Paul. He's going to spear me into the light. Superhuman TV show? Don't try this at home. I hope you like it. Whoop, whoop.

Oh, my God. Paul's perfect for this job. Fuck this shit. Come on, bitch. Come on, bitch. Paul's hurt too. I'm glad you pointed out Paul. That was the first time he said anything when he was here.

He goes, oh, my fucking God. Is he playing up the pain on some of these maybe? Do you think there's a camera cut on the last one, for example? He was like, all right. That wasn't the worst. I'm sure. I'm sure there's a little bit of showmanship. If you break half a dozen light tubes and you've blown your daily budget,

you've got to play it up for the camera because there's no reshoots on this. Those light tubes are like, aren't those tremendously sharp and painful and they just slice you the fuck up, bunches of tiny cuts. They can cut you really badly or not at all. It's one of those coin flips. It's just like plate glass. I like the toxic gas too. That's always extra.

A little icing on the cake. Yeah. Mercury. Put some mercury cake. Yeah. Mercury. Put some mercury in your cuts. That's what like old kings used to do. Like, doctor, bring me mercury for my tooth. It hurts. Well, you're the boss.

Why do you think it's going to work? Because it looks cool. Mercury does look cool. It does look cool. It does look cool. It is the coolest looking of the elements. It's like my fillings keep falling out and I drink them. I keep it coming. Down my throat.

God. Super humming. Good for him. That guy, a true titan of our times. I hope that he gets a little bit of love from from the listeners here you know he i can't tell with the way he's talking if maybe he's not all there but also equal parts i can't tell if he's not all there because of the the antics he's getting involved in for what i think is probably for free yeah uh what was i gonna say

uh i lost my train of thought oh how's streaming going oh it's going real real good yeah i'm having a lot of fun with it i got uh the first stream last night i did like three hours uh playing magic again but like it's like 50 playing magic 50 talking to the chat and and reading thank you subs like the whole first part of it like i got way more subs than i thought i was going to it so it felt like i couldn't even hardly play the game because it was just a non-stop bring bring that shit and then uh a couple of like big donations came in uh i shouted him out on pkn i'll give him a pk one big dick nick his name is just nick but anybody who donates to me big dick so big dick nick uh thank you for the 500 last night really cool yeah and he's done that

i like two times now and then another stream where we donated a couple hundred so it's like dude you're setting my expectations way too high nick like you're really just laying it on thick right now but regardless even like obviously that kind of thing's not sustainable but that doesn't really matter i'm having a lot of fun with it i'm enjoying the the real-time chat like the the chat is like you know they're good with little pranks and jokes and fucking around with me and each other and i like that it's a good little kind of ribbing locker room talk kind of environment so i'm having a lot of fun with it how about you well i'm enjoying it yeah since you started streaming my chat got more like mean mimi you know like like they were never trying to fool me into doing the wrong shit in game before they were never trying to fool me into doing the wrong shit

in game before they were never trying to like trick me into getting banned before but uh roll with the punches I suppose well like I'll you know how it is like reading like because I would at one point I was like all right I'm just gonna read all the donation messages and all the subs as soon as I'm done with this game so i can focus on this game and hopefully win and then there'd be like a couple dozen or whatever after it and i'd just be reading through and eventually i'd catch myself like halfway through a joke name where i'd be like and thank you very much for the subscription hey that kind of thing like you sneaky bitch but thank you for the sub anyway you almost got me me. Yeah. I thought I was...

I thought no one was watching my dumb ass and that I'd get away with nonsense, but I guess I got seven day ban. It'll happen. Yeah. It's really shitty. They shouldn't have done that to my boy. Everybody...

Yeah. I had so many people in my chat being like, what happened to Woody? What happened to Woody? And I wanted to, I should have just been like, paramotor accident. This week's episode,

just me and Kyle. And, you know, we're going to hook up Woody's hospital machine. You know, maybe the sound of our voices joking around and bring him back from the precipice of comatose thought yeah so anyway seven days you'll be right at this point five days right sounds right yeah i guess did it happen yesterday i think it happened yesterday so one would guess sometime on tuesday i'll be able to stream on too bad i would have streamed this

weekend jericho came into my chat and hung out for a little bit. And he was like, how the fuck did Woody get banned before you? I was just like, how? Look at me. Yeah, you were leading the preseason voting. But, you know, they always count me out. I've been pretty well behaved for the most part. Definitely a rung or two down from here, from this program.

Because I guess YouTube really lets you get away with way more than Twitch. Like of all the social media, it seems like, and I know nothing about Twitch so far, but it seems like Twitch is the most strict. Twitch has no like shyness about censoring, right? YouTube, I mean, we get copyright struck and not always cop like age restricted and shit like that constantly um so a lot of these are not monetized or monetizable but um uh they don't stop you from talking like they don't remove your video unless it's like a pedo type thing you know They just age restrict it and take the ads off. Whereas Twitch straight up says you're not allowed on the platform anymore for using the wrong word.

Yeah. Yeah, that's shitty. Yeah, it's pretty shitty. I don't understand how those girls get away with what they get away with, though. I mean... Some, yeah. People don't fuck fuck them the body painting stuff it seems like come on like this is just a low-grade chatterbait kind of thing dude even

that girl that that lady we watched the other day with the really big boobs who's just on like a stairmaster at like a like a planet fitness it's like come on we all know what we're watching here she's the equivalent of that instagram guy with the giant hard cock who was like what i can't help my size i just look like this yeah yeah she's not wearing a sports bra she's not wearing a bra she's just wearing a top and her she's got like enormous enormous boobs and she's just jiggling them in front of the camera raising money for her mom's cancer. And is that what it was? Yeah. And I,

that's calculated. Of course. My dumb ass was instantly like, Ooh, yeah, well we should go easy. Wait a minute. I'm going to need to see,

uh, your mother's port. Yeah. She'll be her chemo port. I'll buy it. I got a feeling it's like, uh, it's like it's on, it's always like it's always sunny when Charlie's mom had cancer. Money give me.

Me need money now. Money now or I die. Charlie, I never had cancer. She eventually comes out. I don't know. I don't know what the deal is with the terms of service over there, but it is kind of ridiculous that Woody can get banned for a word and you can like body paint yourself

pretty much naked on there. It's like I say allow all of it. I say I return with a body paint stream. I'll just put some pasties on my nipples and do myself like a minion. That shouldn't take too much talent.

And you just paint that word across your chest. What? This is my art. Like the duct tape banana guy. Oh, sorry. I'm not used to looking in the mirror here. The end's backwards, but you'll figure it out by the end. People who annoy you. People who annoy you people who annoy you yeah i'm uh youtube streaming i guess you can get you can get away with a lot more it seems i didn't ice stream on youtube until he got

maybe paid to go to another platform does that sound right the original mixer i think i like mentioned ice's name once on the stream. Or maybe this was someone telling me to. I don't remember if it actually happened or not. But apparently, you're not even supposed to fucking talk about the man on Twitch. It's true. Don't even say, remember when Ice Poseidon did? He's like persona non grata.

Do not mention this man. Is there something we don't know? Because the thing that got him banned, or lifetime banned with the airport thing. So if people don't know, he got lifetime banned. Someone did like a SWAT on him while he was on a plane. And he didn't like,

you might argue successfully that he should have been more responsible. But all he did was live stream from the gate. And they figured out by that gate, they recognized the airport, they figured out the flight, and they acted like he was a terrorist or something. And sure, it's a bad idea.

But if you stream all the time, it almost seemed like an understandable mistake. Like he's got to share his life. He's traveling, so he's finally doing something interesting today. You know, he's not just live streaming him getting more milk from the Quickie Mart. Like now he's flying, he's finally doing something interesting today. You know, he's not just live streaming him getting more milk from the Quickie Mart. Like now he's flying, he's doing shit.

And that got him lifetime banned. But it's like kind of holding him responsible for the actions of his fans, which I don't love. And it just seemed like a week is a lot for that, let alone a lifetime. Yeah, that's the thing on Twitch that like a lot of people have been kind of making known's the thing on twitch that like a lot of people have been kind of making known to me they're like it's not like youtube in that like

if the listeners of this show comment a bunch of you know inappropriate shit which they never do very well behaved fellas like you're not held responsible they're not like ah the woody's gamer tag channel on the ropes but if you're in your Twitch stream and a bunch of people find a way to get around the word filters and they start spamming something that Twitch doesn't like, you're liable for that.

Which I agree, I do not like that. I don't think you should be responsible for what people are doing in your chat. Especially if most of the time, for most gamers, you're not even looking at it you know it's hard to look at it a lot but i look at it a lot too in my case whenever that happens it's usually like one or even two guys my stream's not that large but um if your wings and there's

700 people watching you and a large portion of the stream can be uh toxic like it's hard to prevent that bigger portion of the stream from misbehaving yeah i've been doing all right with viewership like average viewers i think like my stream average so far is like 580 like 590 right around there but uh obviously it's gonna drop off as the novelty wears off but yeah it's like it blows my mind now kind of figuring out the twitch thing where it's like i'll be like wow 600 people are in here woohoo and then i'll see like the trending list and it's like fucking uh tim the tat man 21 000 asmongold 30 000 it's like people i don't even really know like what they do but i'm like jesus fucking christ like you're like filling a stadium of people right now watching you play this is pretty this is cool you know and something else i realized like destiny that guy puts in the time

like i went through and i followed every person who or everyone i could think of who comes on our show who does twitch so i could like look at their layouts and all that shit. And I swear every time, even just throughout the day, if I like check my Twitch account just to see if anything's new or anything's up, he's streaming all the time. 24 seven.

That guy that he's, he's on the grind. He must be doing great. Good for him. I don't know what game he plays legal legends, which if you ever tried to watch legal legends, what the fuck is happening? I don't know. I don't know what game he plays legal legends, which if you ever tried to watch legal legends, what the fuck is happening? I don't know.

I don't know what's happening. I can't tell. I'm watching another, like someone will be like, I'm going to go, uh, uh, I'm taking over the hill three.

I'm going to power up. It's like, yeah, you, it's like, how about you tell me what character you are? Which one are you? What's the goal?

Yeah. Yeah. Like I winning a year, casting a bunch of sparkles at that guy, a bunch of sparkles at that guy. how about you tell me what character you are which one are you what's the goal yeah yeah like you're casting a bunch of sparkles at that guy a bunch of sparkles at that guy whoa major bust of sparkle clouds and i'm like what why was that one different than all the i don't really know like what's happening here oh here comes the goblin king yeah yeah oh not him or maybe yay right yeah some guy teleports like 12 feet and they're like oh my god did you see it yeah that's big i don't know like it why is that even important i i can't follow at least in cod i could watch a 360 no scope and get it you know that and at one point was even so dumb i'm like yeah he practices this this isn't luck or um like i've never played overwatch i've never downloaded

the head and still like zero playing but i can watch an overwatch play and appreciate that something big just happened here right you know you found four guys standing next to a ledge and you know it comes up and it celebrates it and like i i like that halo is another one where i can see like you know this guy just dom csgo i've been watching a lot of csgo videos lately um i don't know if there's another game or maybe rainbow that rewards aim as much as csgo like the headshots are super important and the way that these guys it's just they see three pixels on the screen across the map and they tag that it's amazing so i like watching csgo video i can see how great it is but league and world of warcraft like i don't even understand if what's happening is good or bad yeah world of warcraft is huge

like those are because it'll say on the little sidebar what people are playing and it seems like those are the ones where it's like 20 to 30 000 people it all like makes me mad is exaggerating but like it there'll be a streamer that i really like but today he's playing wow and i'm like damn it wow took one you know they They ruined my favorite person. It seems like they're always balls deep into the most difficult thing you can possibly do into those games as well. So as a new viewer, you're

completely lost. It just seems like occasionally they should do a series where we're going to start a brand new account. We're a level one guy. This is what we're doing. This is why. account. We're a level one guy. And you know, this is what we're doing.

This is why, like, like I watch a, a Tarkov streamer that does that. Like he's doing it right now. Like he just, he has everything you can have in the game and he's just an infinitely rich. So he just made a new account and he's in like step-by-step.

He's showing you as a new player, like I'm going to do this and this to make this amount of money. And this, and this will be this much of experience that i'll make really quickly and like he's like power leveling in a way that you don't have to be a god at the game to do and it's it's it's interesting to watch you know wings used to if you're trying to get into something in cod i liked wings's tips a lot because it most of us figured out like good classes and then just work those all the time. Wings would work Scrambler.

Do you remember the Scrambler perk? I remember the Scrambler perk. Yeah. Scrambler is terrible because it tells everyone where you are. But if you combine that with like some claymores and some camping, like I work Scrambler. I use an AA-12 and some claymores and everyone knows I'm in this building. Come and get it. And it's like, oh, I never even thought of it from that angle.

And he would do that a lot. I think he came up with the one-man army or scavenger, how that became endless because he ran weird classes. And I like that. Yeah, yeah. I always thought it would be really cool if an entire team ran Scrambler, so it actually had some kind of impact on the game. Because then you couldn't really focus on one individual and zero in on them.

It would just be radar fucked up everywhere. The meta in COD changes as people get better. Counter UAVs mess you up. They make the whole team ineffective. You almost forget how important that map is to just navigating and moving and like it's it's important it's a big deal you see where your own team is and use that as a reference for where the other team might be because you know so you counter uav makes you suck theV in COD, for people that don't know, is 75 feet in the air. And it's a drone that takes less than a magazine.

These things should last three seconds. They're as easy as killing people. Maybe they're easier than killing people. But they last for a while if I don't shoot them down. Yeah. I mean, I shot so many of them down. I would run a secondary that was just the um whichever rocket launcher locks on to things i i got purple camo by the time i started playing

like tarkov it's like fucking purple tiger stripes or some kind of nonsense from shooting so many fucking killstreaks down with it i uh i like shoot it's satisfying and when you're not good at the game it's like i can use that 100 xp oh there's that and and i i i like shoot it's satisfying and when you're not good at the game it's like i can use that 100 xp oh there's that and and i i sometimes look at it through the lens of i can be helpful to my team oh yeah you know i'm not gonna get a juggernaut which is the starship troopers mindset i'm doing my part exactly yeah it's like all right you guys you take uh whatever the headquarters i'll take out the kill streak um yeah so yeah yeah but counter uav in particular i think it might take 10 bullets like it's not a lot it goes down super easy yeah it's not many at all so um i got a new mouse and mouse

pad i might buy a new monitor hey i was going to talk about this did you happen to catch the linus video or linus video about refresh rates yeah frame um someone told me like the long and short of it how basically um you know if you're getting more frames you're getting new information faster um and you know that he had shroud and i think maybe um a pro gamer named cory something i think i think grims might have been on there could be grims has long black hair really long oh yeah i i remember they had a guy like that he used to be into fighting games and now he does shooters and okay well there might is he a pro gamer he's a streamer so they had shroud him a current pro gamer and then another guy who kind of represented like the dad class like he was an active gamer, but not elite.

And all of them super struggled on the 60, 60 Hertz. And the 60 Hertz even got more than like frames per second. So there's a difference between 60 Hertz when your graphics cards turning out 200 and 60 Hertz when your graphics cards turning out 60, like one gives more current. So anyway, the difference was huge. and 60 hertz when your graphic shards turning out 60 like one gives more current so anyway um the difference was huge you know these guys could barely play on 60 now look i'll get it i'm not pretending it's going to make me a better player but i often like if you watch my streams when i fuss at dying it's like that guy was invisible to me i didn't see him i'm like well maybe it's all blurred like maybe a better monitor would make a big difference.

How many Hertz are you getting now? 60. I mean, how many frames? Oh, shit. Yeah. I'm on a 60 wide. Like this is the setup that they all said was unplayable. And I'm like, oh, shit.

I thought that. How do you know how many Hertz your monitor has? It's in the specs. I would assume dozens. Dozens of Hertz. You might be at 60 also but um and i looked into it i would only have to upgrade the monitor i play on like so i have three 60 hertz monitors here but i could put like a 144 in the middle and keep the 60s on the sides and it would work like you want it to i think i might i was just looking into them yeah i i've um i think the lowest i've played on was 100 when i had that ultra wide but i mostly played um skyrim and fallout and stuff

and so system was struggling to go more than 100 at 144 hertz ultra wide anyway but um but this this one's 144 hertz and even with this 2080 ti uh i can't get oh tarkov's locked at 120 which is what i'm playing a lot of right now i don't think i've played call of duty yet with this card i should go back and uh see what so many frames i can get i would imagine i can get 144 because i was getting close to that uh already but um but yeah i've always thought 75 hertz is that is it uh well they seem to think that 144 was the start of good and they're like when you go from 144 to 240 the difference is very subtle but when you go from 60 to 144 the difference is night and day you know to them 60 is a slideshow to me like as a guy with console background 30 is a slideshow 60 is the target

and i always thought 60 was fine and you know my old incompetent ass might not even tell the difference but this video made it really seem like even the dad guy that represented me really did better on the higher refresh rate and i'm like maybe i should upgrade so yeah i've never played uh on anything more than 144 i would be i would be curious to do it but the thing is i think i gotta you know drop my resolution back down to a 1080 which i really don't want to do you're a better gamer than me that might benefit from that delta you like that from a subtle improvement but uh at my level like i don't know that you have to watch the video it's kind of longish it's probably 20 minutes but uh it made me think that like dude 60s doesn't cut

it anymore yeah i i wouldn't like 60 like like i can definitely tell when what if i'm getting 60 but i don't have the fps counter up i'll be like what the fuck is going on here and i'll type in the command pull it up i'm like oh that's what's going on here and fuck my monitor doesn't always auto turn off and it's probably i'm gonna guess six years old like it might just be old you know like yeah it's been on for six years now yeah um i don't know what a good monitor monitor to get would be i i like i got the one that shroud has because i figured the guy's got infinite yeah we're about on the same level well i just figured the guy like he does it for a living so why not get the one that that he would pick you know i think i figured someone else already did the research for him. How much was your monitor?

$500 or $600. That's less than I was thinking. I think I got Shroud's mouse and mouse pad. He uses a wireless mouse. Yeah, I didn't listen to him on that one. Does G501 sound right? Nah, man. I've got that

mouse that nobody else in the world would use. I've got the rat gaming mouse. It's this... What's so bad about it, according to other people? The look of it. That's it. It's a great mouse, but... Does it look shitty? It may even be... It looks techno? Yeah, your eyes are pretty ugly. Can you hold it a little more

in front of your face? I have you zoomed in a touch. Yeah, I'm trying to yeah it's got uh all these fucking weights in the back of it that's what the silver shit is in here yes that's the view i wanted yeah there was another one logitech 501 or 105 something close to that which is what I thought you had because the styling is about the same. But I prefer mine simpler almost old school Microsoft mouse looking. I'm using the one that Woody told me to get.

Yeah. I actually am going to keep that one. My chat says it's not a shooter mouse and that I should get one for shooters so if i can buy a decimal in my kd you know just send me a check or an invoice see that's what i'm gonna do when i start shooters is i'm like guys give me a break i'm not playing with the shooter mouse right that's what's holding me back it's not that i might keep slipping off

the controls and i'm hitting X trying to walk backwards. It's the shooter mouse. There's a couple little things. My mouse and keyboard. I like my mouse and keyboard. It's nice. It has cherry browns. It's not junk.

This is aluminum. It's pretty. What kind is it? I can't... Do you hold your name there? Oh, do you hold your name? Oh, Ducky. I'm sorry.

I think I should have modeled it those are different words ducky is the name of the company that makes it and it's aluminum and it's nice and i like it um yeah but there's other ones where like the w is marked so you can find was d again you know tactically uh and i'm just like i sometimes I threw that up. Yeah. That's the other weird thing that I do with gaming is I hold my hand on the home row keys. Right. That's so weird. Because I want my index finger to be on that bump that's on F, you know?

And it puts you back at home. Maybe I could find WASD by finding that first. Like hit ESDF and slide over one or something. Like maybe that would help me get it. These texture keys that came keys that came with the Corsair what the fuck yeah k70 like it there's never cheese like yeah yeah it's got like a stippling on it like it came with more see that's the kind of I want that yourself so in the gun world people it's called stippling, and they'll stipple their pistol grips.

Soldering iron. You can very carefully stipple, and then if it got too scratchy or too rough, you could sand them down a little bit. That might be a good idea. I think I'm going to do that. All I need to do is mark the W.

On the WAZ-D, or the W, the w a and d the s is totally flat like a normal key the a has like a ridge going up this way the d has a ridge going up that way and the w has a ridge going up that way to kind of like keep your fingers on it like like water would pour towards the s almost yeah yeah so that like that means you know oh very plain jane there no i love the crazy colors that might that uh keyboards come with now yeah yeah i mean like i'll turn it i'll i'll be like this is so distracting and then i'll turn it off all the way and be like well it's kind of cool i love it i love it mine's just set on like to rotate so it's just always doing something different. One thing that I don't,

it's probably not that it's working right now. My caps lock button works inconsistently. No, my caps lock button works great. My caps lock button light works inconsistently. So like when I play with you, I made caps lock my push to talk, which is cool. Because with caps lock,

you press it and it stays pressed, you know, like different than the others. And i couldn't tell when it was pressed or not because it now it's working i guess it fixed itself yeah i'm having to learn to use some keys that i don't normally use playing tarkov because like your gun can have like a scope on top and then it can have scopes on either side and then it can have a scope on top of the scope for real like you can go like the same way you've seen those tactical guns that people sure that's what i'm laughing at it's like you can do that is it helpful uh it's helpful in that like what i'll do a lot is i'll run like a dmr type rifle uh that has like a thermal scope on it

but that's not great for close range so you turn it to like 45 degrees and you've got a red dot on the side. That's when it's helpful. That's two though. That's two. You had four. Some people go with four just to be silly and outrageous or they'll have like, and, and,

uh, but then the other thing, so you have, you have commands to switch back and forth between those, which isn't a big deal. But then when you scope in with a big scope, you have a command to zoom in or zoom out, but you also have a command to switch from white hot to black hot because it's thermal so hot images show up to be white or black it's up to you

so you can alternate but then when you switch to your red dot you're right you can change whether it's a red dot or a crosshair or a line with a dot and it's like clickety click click and i'm just like god damn it there's so many fucking commands it's it's control this and alt that and there's a lot fucking going on and you've got visors on your helmet and night vision goggles turned on or off and that it happens to me when i change games to a lesser extent like maybe it takes more to throw you off but it's like yeah i can wasd wasd is no problem i used to play minecraft like i don't know exactly 16 hours a day or something like i just spent a lot of time in-game moving around. So I can navigate WazD.

But then when I have to throw a Y in there every so often, I got lost. I never had to do that before. That's not in my wheelhouse. So now even grenades or I think melee is V. It's like finding the V and then getting back is not it I'm gonna stifle the W the big thing is when you're switching back and forth between a lot of games and the controls are different so I often try to make the controls the same for everything B is voice I think push to talk yeah see there you go like some games it is and some games it's it's melee just like um you know what

makes you go prone in a game like you said you had push to talk on caps lock that's fucking prone that's my prone button because it's easier to get to for me because my pinky's right there yeah yeah so tricky anyway i don't know if people want more gaming but uh i've been having i like cod what i've said it in PKN. It really sucks that sometimes I like Cod more by myself than with skilled players. Used to be skilled players were so fun to have on your team. You know, it'd be like, you trying to bully me? Me and Mike Tyson, you're bullying me

when I'm partying up with Mike Tyson. Now, if I'm partying up with Mike Tyson, that guy is too. If people don't know, the skill-based matchmaking in COD is much more aggressive this time than ever before. It's just hard to play against players. Also, headshot multiplier is higher than it's ever been before.

So that, like, I played Rambo. People don't know Rambo was one of the best. He was on optic for a long time. He was a professional cod player. We did one V ones. He beat me like 15 to five,

right? I think in this cod, he might beat me 15 to one or two. Like even if I was as good because the, it's just a little less luck, you know, people who can hit their head shots win fair fights whereas before the worst player might win a fair fight more often yeah because the desert eagle might even be a one-shot kill to the head i know it is with stopping power a couple of them seem

to be one-shot head shots and and the multiplier is really high and that means that skilled players uh if unless you're also, it's really camping friendly. So unskilled players can do that. But if I try to play like a skilled player plays, then I lose to skilled players. And if I'm playing with, you know,

the people who watch this, who've been playing cod for a decade, they, they make my skill. They should be fun. They shouldn't be like, oh, they're ruining the matchmaking for me.

And now I'm getting my shit pushed in all night long. Yeah. Does it go by like the aggregate skill level of your whole team? Or is it by the host? It it's neither of the, it seems to go by the top player or two and it bites Sandy ravage a lot. Like Sandy, uh,

he's, uh, and he's cool in that he'll play with guys who aren't on his level. Like he plays with Xcal a lot, but he would play with me all night long and never fuss once. Cool. But he ruins your lobby. Playing with Sandy is an experience that you might not like. Because the other team's going to have Sandy's on it.

Can you imagine Trout? Or I guess Sandy's probably at a similar level on that. I'd like to know what's on it. Can you imagine Trout? Somebody who's, or I guess Sandy's probably at a similar level on that. I'd like to know what the algorithm is. You know, what are they taking into account? Is it kill death ratio?

Is it score per minute? Like what's going on there? But it's probably a combination of the two or maybe it's simpler than that. I don't know. Back in COD 4, it was just like,

what level are you? What level is the host? Exactly. That's what I said. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we were always making new accounts just to make the game fresh and fun again.

Oh, those are the best times. Right? We got like 75 days of play time and we're a level three. Yeah. You know, and if I'm 10th prestige and you're hosting on a new account,

you know, we're going to find noobs. Like it, it's fun to see all the people who haven't prestiged yet on the other team. It's like, oh my god, it's like Christmas morning. Did you guys just get this?

This is beautiful. Yeah, it was $8. But then your family wants you to hang out and you're like, fuck off, mom. Now's my chance to get to a 2KD and then brag about it for three days until it goes back down.

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Very important. A DUI covers more than just alcohol. Drugs that make you feel different will make you drive different. And you could get a DUI in 2017. Wait, get a DUI in 2017. What does it say? Oh, excuse me. Or it's a whole other sentence that I'm joining together. In 2017, 45% of the drivers killed in fatal crashes who were tested for drugs tested positive. If you think that driving while high won't affect you, you're wrong. THC can slow reaction times, impair cognitive performance, and it makes it more difficult for drivers to keep a steady position in their lane.

Something as simple as cold medication or an over-the-counter sleep aid could impair your driving, and if it does, you will be arrested for DUI. On average, a DUI can set you back $10,000 in attorney's fees. That's a small change. Fines, court costs, lost time at work, higher insurance rates, car towing, and more. Remember to plan ahead if you will be celebrating. If you plan to indulge in an impairing substance, arrange for a sober driver to take you home. Always remember, if you feel different, you drive different.

Never drive high. Drive high. Get a DUI. Dude, I love that they advertise on this podcast. Like, I think that's really cool. When I first heard it, I was like, why would someone as responsible and professional as HTSA advertise here? But our listener base are probably the people that would benefit from these messages, right?

They're like, I don't know, making up numbers, 98% guys and mostly between like 18 and 30. This is the people. This is the people who need to be told don't drive high. Yeah. Don't drive high. And sorry to cut you off. Driving high is an especially yucky thing because it's not a personal decision you're making.

You're deciding that everyone on the road with you needs to be at your risk tolerance. That's bullshit, right? If you want to be superhuman and jump on thumbtacks, knock yourself out, right? That guy's making a personal risk decision. If you're driving high, you're making a risk decision for like moms and babies and dads and children and like, you you know people who shouldn't be impacted by your jackassery so yeah yeah i can agree more important thing to to remember woody it is not the nhtsa it is nizza thank you my bad it's all right i i was joking around because they like i remember when kyle was uh in the, I was reading that ad and I remember it saying, it's NHTSA!

It's NHTSA! So I'm calling us the NHTSA. Yeah, I guess they don't like that. Thank you for sponsoring us, NHTSA. My apologies, NHTSA. They'll get over it. NHTSA. Son of Gloin.

It's a very Lord of the Rings-y name. Yeah, it is. At some point this decade, we're going to have, well, maybe not. Actually, maybe not in this decade. We're going to have a Lord of the Rings TV show. I'm so pumped. So what is the news on that? I haven't heard anything about it.

So I guess that it's in production, and based off of what the uh producers or the network has seen so far they've already greenlit a second season that's about that's basically it that's pretty cool yeah i guess that's all i know as well like i i'd be upset if it's shitty but not upset enough to not watch my expectations are so high right like i i've said this with mandalorian before where i'm like i i sit here hoping that each one of these is going to be a new movie that really lights my fire and it turns out the mandalorian is just a tv show how it's like the tentpole series that people are talking about for disney right disney is

freaking disney is there anyone higher than Disney? And The Mandalorian is just a good show in its first season? Like, it's not... It's not mind-blowing the way everybody... Well, I mean, like, I think, and this is from the outside looking in, like, I don't know shit about Star Wars Universe. I'm not really into Star Wars,

but I know based on what you guys have said and what I've seen online is that a lot of the more recent Star Wars movies have not impressed. And people have been like, this is shit. Like, I don't like this. I don't like the force doesn't do that. Like little complaints. I don't fucking know.

And so it might be like a battered wife kind of syndrome where you've been punched in the face. Hey, you want more Star Wars content? Yeah, please. That'd be sick. Fuck you, bitch. It's going to suck. Oh, but this time it's gonna be good oh okay i'll come back i'll buy the ticket nah fuck you again and then now they release something that's actually not terrible and it's like you know i i watched the first two episodes i thought it was pretty good like and so that pretty good gets taken to 10 out of 10 because people are comparing it to recent Star Wars content.

Maybe I'm totally wrong. I think it's the most popular TV show in the world right now. I think it's quite good. Even more than the Property Brothers? I think it's quite good. It's not amazing. I'm not blown away. I'll let a couple episodes stack up before I watch.

I watched the first two, and then i watched three and four you know like i kind of wait as they come out um i catch them you know right away typically it's good like i don't want to it's good it's just that there's not i don't know of anything that's great right now yeah it it it is it is it is good but i just don't know that it's it doesn't blow me away or anything um i do think it's some of the best star wars content they've ever done i thought that the uh the animated one um that animated series they did the clone wars i thought that was great i wish that there were a tv show that was that. I mean, I like animation enough, and I watched every fucking episode of it.

I watched enough of it that I went online and found out the proper order to watch the thing, because apparently it's out of order in the order that it's presented. Yeah, that's true. But still, man, if that were being made by Disney right now, giving you that whole middle story, which is actually the cool part of Anakin Skywalker's story. We get the before and the after with him. And this is the part where they're traveling around the galaxy and going to different worlds and fighting all these little battles and stuff.

It's just glossed over in the movies. It's literally glossed right over like it doesn't happen so yeah i like the mandalorian i think he's fucking cool but i feel like i feel like i didn't give a shit about anything that happened in the third episode like that's the one where the he gets sort of rescued by the cavalry that's the one you were saying what do you thought it kind of turned up a little bit. That episode actually was that part of the episode was good when all the other Mandalorians came out of nowhere and

fucking flew in and saved his ass. That was cool. I liked that. What I didn't Oh, there's other Mandalorians? He's not the only Mandalorian? It's like saying the Earthling. You know? Oh, okay. Wait. No, it's like saying the Christian, I think no i think i think from

mandalorians are a race of people from a planet called like mandalore i think and all they do is assassinate people how is that sustainable i feel like i'm always wrong about baking the cakes who's delivering the mail is it mandalorian checking the mail nah because like like you know, because what they're always referencing is how all of the Mandalorians were basically wiped out and now they have to live in hiding. The reason that they value that Mandalorian steel so much is because most of it was taken from their planet by the Empire

and now the Empire is kind of divvying it back out. That guy found that to be distasteful. Is it really the dopest steel? Yeah. Okay. It's just Valyrian steel again. So, yeah. So Kyle's right.

Mandalore is a planet. And Mandalorians are the people from that planet. I'm trying to like. What do they look like under the mask? Like humans. Yeah. So wasn't the... Maybe I'm mixing up the Mandalorian with the Guild, right?

Because one guy was an android, right? In episode two-ish, maybe? One-ish? Yeah, so there's like an Assassin's Guild. Or excuse me, like a guild of bounty hunters. And there's all kinds of different... That's what like um apollo creed is like the you know the guy running the local chapter of of that and uh but but then like

that that super secret sect underground thing that they're all hiding out in that's its own separate thing from that i had conflated in my head somehow the Guild and the Mandalorians. Yeah. They're different. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, I like it. I just feel like sometimes I don't... I wish the story were bigger, I guess. I wish there was like a bigger story going on.

And it seems like they're doing this sort of episodic thing that I just don't... I didn't give a fuck about the shrimp farmers. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care. Is this a show or a miniseries? A show. Okay. I just didn't care about those fucking shrimp farmers. Maybe it'll get deeper then for you.

Bigger is such a perfect word for what it needs to be. When Gina Carano showed up, I was like, alright, cool, but I don't need another character right now. I want more out of the character we got you know i don't i don't i don't need i don't need her around they're being very there's not a lot of details in this whole thing what do we know about the mandalorian very much so he has very few lines

and like he doesn't we don't know if much about the baby yet the baby's like huge he's like the the is it called a mcguffin mcgoven um you know the thing that everyone's trying to get for some reason it's the the declaration of independence and national treasure everyone's just chasing it for some reason and we don't know anything about it what it does is it is it going to get fleshed out is it going to show its value other than just well he's a force i think the fact that he's a Force user is kind of probably a rare thing at this time period. And the fact that he's a young member of the Yoda species. We've only ever seen two Yodas in all the movies that I'm aware of.

Does that include this new one? No, it doesn't include. This is the third. On the Jedi Council, there was this old lady Yoda. Okay. this is the third uh on the jedi council there was this old lady yoda okay so maybe this is uh her her dirty baby or something like that i don't know she looked way too old to be having babies yoda looked way too old to be what do we know about the species though you know not very much i just know that he would look real rickety walking around with that cane and I bet his green cock is dusty. It shoots a clown.

Clearly the remnants of the Empire want their hands on Baby Yoda for one reason or another. The fact that the scientist or the doctor, I guess he's both, was like, oh, he'd have been dead by now if it weren't for me. And then

the guy who's... Uh-oh. Yeah, he froze a second ago also. I don't know if he hears us just fine or not. We lost you. Yeah, we did. It was weird. It froze for a second.

You're talking about some scientist doctor regarding Yoda? Yeah, the scientist doctor wanted... He was like, he'd have been dead already if it weren't for me, referring to baby Yoda. And then the old guy who's like a like some sort of a empire lieutenant general or some shit you know he's the one who paid the mandalorian his prize when he brought the baby yoda back and everything that guy clearly didn't care whether they brought yoda back dead or alive because he you know he even said it when he gave the bounty out and then when he sent the robot

bounty home. Bounty home. The bounty home. Remember how attractive Steve Byrne was when he froze? Poor Kyle. The opposite of that. Kyle, not

nearly as attractive a freeze face as Steve. My question is, as we established on PKN, Yodas, it's just like a species. Can't they go to Yoda planet, round them all up, and then have

a bunch of magic? God damn it. Like have a bunch of magic. He's got... His freeze face is... Now that one I like. Okay, you're back. You got to fix this. We still got like 31, 32 more minutes.

Now he's pretending to be a froze face or frozen? No, he's not blinking. Yeah, yeah. At first I thought he was just fooling me, but now he's legit frozen. They're DDoSing him. Now he's back. Now he's back.

Yeah, there we go. Look attractive. Just in case. So anyway, you can't just round up all the Yodas because they don't know where Yoda planet is. He did it. It's real. Oh, he moved?

Yeah. No, he froze again. Now he's back. Any ideas what it could be, Kyle? Is there maybe like your backup turned on? Like your machine's not doing something that like the background process started? Did someone break in and start

streaming netflix who's watching the office out there no i don't know what it is um it did this twice earlier in the show and now it's getting you know i didn't notice it earlier yeah now it's kind of rapid fire and really throwing off my groove remember that the emperor's new groove that was a really good movie i forget i'm a little just a tit bit younger actually i think maybe i did watch that and just didn't didn't care for it yeah yeah well to each to each their own yeah so anyway mandalorian seems kind of neat. I've only seen two episodes. Really? I just, as long as, well, because my girlfriend is the one who wanted to

watch it and I was like, fine, whatever. And I liked the Rhino. The Rhino was the coolest part so far. Like the space Rhino. Ah, the Mudhorn. Yeah. And it looked real. We talked about it on PKM briefly and Kyle's like, I thought the Mudhorn CGI was good. And I was like, oh, I just assumed that was a real Mudhorn.

So, you know, good point. The last one. Yeah. Yeah, we are kind of in like a little bit of a slump of entertainment, I feel like. The Expanse, season four. Oh, he froze again, but I literally had somebody in my chat last night saying tell woody to watch the expanse he's gonna love it yeah so i'm i'm not caught up on season four but i have

seen through three that's what i thought yeah so i it's four out is it out and binge worthy it's not out yet are you all up on the expanse? I know, but I felt like, like, like, like maybe a nod of the head was, was better than trying to get out. No, I don't think it's come out yet,

but it's coming out very soon. As a batch or weekly. I think it'll come out binge, binge style. Cause it's Amazon. Right. That's why I asked. It wasn't,

didn't used to be Amazon. So it didn't used to be weekly. Yeah. It was sci-fi or some shit like that. But the last couple of seasons have been Amazon and so much better. If you can power through the first season or so, it's a little iffy. The later seasons are excellent.

Yeah, the third one, I think they thought they were going to end. So they just really pushed forward and advanced the plot and made it good. Poor Kyle with these freeze faces. Jesus. Is he sneezing?

No, he's just beginning a thought. Weh. Weh. Weh. Poor Kyle. Yeah, that sucks. He needs to get this rectified. Yeah.

Rectified. I think he has a fast-booting PC. Should we ask him to restart on return? Hey, Kyle, doesn't your PC boot really quickly? I'll restart. Let's try that. You restart. God, Kyle.

That guy? Don't get me started on that guy while we're alone. Fuck. The worst. Let's get all of our bad mouthing of Kyle's out. Did you know he was in prison? Yeah. Oh, they, um, the, like, PKA Highlights channels exist.

And, like, I'm happy about it. You know, like, in my dreams, course there'd be like an official pka highlight channel but uh every time i tried to do highlights it didn't quite like for one reason or another it didn't go over very well and other people are doing them and they're taking off and like yeah the kyle one got like a million views yeah yeah and people had an interest in it um i don't know i'm just i'm just happy that it exists and it's out there and if you're thinking about doing it these are the terms that we've always had since the beginning of painkiller already don't upload the whole episode that's our thing right that's

that's a copyright violation but if you think something's awesome and you want to upload a highlight we have never ever even once copyright struck or whatever. It would be nice though if you link the episode it came from. That's it. Yeah, that's doing great. Yeah. It's almost like the Wings of Redemption model

where Wings is doing better because what he would call hate channels or troll channels are actually helping him get noticed. Yeah. So if you do that to PKA. Yeah. Cool.

I assumed like not knowing anything about Twitch again. I assumed when I hopped on and I would like look at because I subscribe to Wings and I looked at his channel on here. And I always was thinking like, man, his channel must just be like circling the drain with how people are mocking him and making fun of him and being such dicks. And I was like, fuck, he pretty much pulls like 700 viewers. Yeah.

Concurrent six to 700 every single time he hops on. And I'm sure a lot of them subscribe. And so it's like, good for him. Like he's, he's like, you know, he's not raking it in like Ninja or shroud or the other guys who are

huge, but he's, he's making a solid living for himself. It's like 700 is relevant, you know? And he's relevant. And like you said, they always sort of act like he's circling the drain. Yeah, you just nailed it. And it's like, no, Wings is a relevant Twitch streamer. He's part of that platform.

The numbers are so much smaller on twitch compared to youtube when you're kind of you're brought up in the youtube world that it can be hard to realize like even a few hundred viewers on twitch is like oh well people are watching you got a decently moving chat and stuff like the overwhelming majority of fucking uh streams out there if you like scroll down to like the lower parts it's like it'll be zero people watching one person watching three people watching like and obviously those people are trying to get their shit started up just like we all did on youtube back in the day but yeah it's just it's like a totally different metric

for things like a hundred and whatever that clip I had that has like 110 hundred and twenty thousand views YouTube who fucking cares that's nothing but twitch like apparently real fucking good so it's just a whole different world of metrics and numbers to to learn or to not learn and just fly by the seat of my pants see where it goes you said that someone wrote an article about you and you're like you could tell they just write articles about everything and i was like what is it they wrote an article about me boomer streamer drops hard f a no it was a g word they actually they got me to say saw con i don't know if i talked about this already but they were like woody when you were back into woodworking did you ever go to saw con which they would got me to say suck on yeah and uh i was like saw con no and i answered earnestly like

that i went to a couple local shows though it was cool i don't know saw con but you know like they weren't really for me they were geared towards professionals and industry guys who did mass production and woodworking. So now there's like an article about my dumb ass not falling for Sol Con. I bet it was the same guy who wrote the article about me. And that guy is probably so close to just ending it all. Because can you imagine having to sit there and do research on both of our streams

and then write an article like, First time streamer Taylor Merka fell for a funny joke from his viewers. They said, then he loads the gun. They said that he did this and that and the other thing. When I was in journalism school, I thought I'd cover the White House. Yeah. I thought I'd at least work for BuzzFeed. Oh, it was Gawker that got Hogan, not BuzzFeed.

Dude, let's talk impeachment for a little bit. We've got, I don't know, 27 minutes left. So you guys know I'm the bluest guy on the show he's gonna get impeached that just means the house is gonna hold it against him and uh and then after that i think i think most people agree he's not going to be removed from office what happened to clinton is they i always pronounce this wrong is it censured i think yeah and they censured him on two of the three counts if i recall correctly which basically just meant we think you lied under oath but there's no penalty for it that's what clinton got and he was guilty he did lie under oath he fucked monica lewinsky right is

come on his dress on the dress like he was guilty he said he had no sexual relations you know and um that depends what the definition is is right right so dude slippery willy what the democrats did they had two options right they could have like put out 18 articles of impeachment and tried to get them for like every piece of obstruction from the muller report to the current thing they they the bribery on and on and on and on what they actually did is they just did two rock solid articles of impeachment one was instruction of justice right and he absolutely made sure that everyone in the white house didn't participate in the process they made themselves unavailable for which thing this is for the ukraine thing

um okay they he didn't produce any of the documents they asked for he didn't produce any of the people he made anyone working for him wasn't allowed to testify the people that did testify did it in like rebellion of him uh so that's the obstruction of justice thing and it's rock solid the other one is uh abuse of power which again is like he really did hold up the thing he wasn't supposed to congress approved it so they like this is a side thing but like isn't every bit of foreign aid have an inherent quid pro quo in it isn't all of it meant to benefit us in one way or another like we shouldn't give any nation any sort of benefit or any of our tax dollars unless we're

expecting something back right i think the difference is trump was doing it for personal gain right he didn't even need biden and guests investigated for corruption what he wanted was them to announce an investigation on his the guy running against him for president right that was no it's not going to be him he's going crazy it's going to be i i agree it won't be him but in july it looked like it was him he was the runaway favorite and he's like i just need you to announce an investigation against biden and then i'll give you the money. And that is kind of like paying Trump. Kyle?

So we all agree Trump would beat up Biden in a fistfight. Definitely. But who would win in a crossword puzzle-off? Oh, my God. There is no way that Biden can even still read. See, that's the thing. No. So here's what we know about Trump.

He loves the New York Times, regardless of what he says. He's a longtime avid reader. Okay. You know he has to fill that bitch out occasionally. Or at least try to. He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke.

He's got to be doing pseudocues or something. I see Trump as a guy who never uses words over five letters. Like the thought that he would crush in some synonym homonym. That's like a tactical sales approach. It is being relatable, being simple, being direct, repeating yourself, hammering a point home. Like he's just doing sales.

I hear you and I don't disagree with it. I just don't think that it's always that 3D chess craziness. I think the guy has a small working vocabulary because Because it works for him. He would definitely beat Biden. But dude, any one of us would slaughter Biden in a crossword puzzle contest. I don't know. I don't know. I need to hear more Biden.

Unless it's about leg hair being touched in the 60s and wanting kids to sit on your lap. We're golden. Absolute golden. Some of the stuff that Biden has actually done and said would fit right in on that fake news website I was linking earlier. Yeah. Biden talks about kids touching his leg hair just to watch it spring up

and the kids are on my lap and I love kids on my lap. You ever paint your cock like a candy cane? Yeah. Mr. Biden, sir. The question was about national defense yeah and i'm gonna use my candy cane cock to beat back the the vietnam yeah i got a little i was thinking about the russians in the north pole they want to get in the arctic and then i started thinking about saint nick and well damn it she's like when he was yelling at that guy or not, like berating that guy for being fat. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And saying that he could do more pushups. First of all, hilarious. Good for Biden. And then he like berated the guys like the good people of Ohio. Oh, no. And it's like they're in the middle of Iowa. It says Iowa on a wall.

No way he did that. Yeah. He's talking about how they're like in Ohio and shit. It was, you know, maybe he was in Iowa and said it was Ohio. Maybe it was in Ohio. I said it was Iowa,

but it's funny regardless. I don't know why he wasn't more blasted across all the media for that. Why the internet didn't go more wild. Like that. He's the, he's the Democrat favorite. They want him to be the nominee. And so of course the media isn't going to hammer him too hard uh it it looked like if trump would have done

the same thing as running while he was running they would have let it go of course not i think they had whole stories about alleged dick uh dimensions for him it would be like this guy hey here's 10 stories about how he eats kFC with a fork. It's like, okay. Trump, somehow, they don't let anything go. Yet at the same point, they don't hang on to anything. There'd be a new story in a day. That's the beauty of Trump. He gives them a new story the next day.

Yeah. I look forward to, I don't know how this election is going to go, but it's happening soon. Right? In less than a year, we'll have a new president-elect. Less than a year. If they, well, we might have a new president-elect. Less than a year. If they, well, we might have a new president-elect. Based on the field I see, it's going to be Trump again. The only person I think that 100% would beat Trump is Bernie, and he's going to get sabotaged again. I didn't mean to imply Trump was going to lose for sure.

I don't know. We would have a new president-elect anyway. I'm not sure if I have my verbiage right. But anyway, in less than a year, we'll know who the next four years we'll have as president and uh yeah it's not that far from warren now in real you're always with the pushing i don't know that they're pushing anyone absolutely do they took popular things that bernie said and cnn msnbc the new msn but it's not always a conspiracy sometimes it's's a mistake. You take 40,000 hours worth of television, find a few mistakes, and be like, look at the conspiracy. Well, I mean, or you can look at a debate. And I just saw from Twitter clips that the biggest, most popular, most well-received comments about health care were coming from Bernie Sanders. And then when multiple mainstream media outlets attribute those to Warren instead and don't issue retractions until the story is pretty much done.

New York Times did it. CNN did it it i'm pretty sure other ones did it because i thought that one guy did it it was like a meme online because all the bernie bros were like what the fuck dude you just took the popular thing he said and now cnn and new york times or whoever are saying that warren said it and letting her get the like like, it's, it's definitely a calculated thing in some ways. Like we give too much credit to the media for going, Oh, mistakes, mistakes, mistakes. It's like, no, we have the internet now. They know immediately when they're wrong. And oftentimes they choose to sit on stories that are incorrect and then retract it when it's too late. When the media makes mistakes. I don't know if any of that's accurate. I haven't been

following this thing at all. But when the media makes mistakes, it's almost like when a fighter gets a cheap shot in an MMA. They go, oh, naughty, naughty. It's like, but wait a minute. The other guy's cut now. Like, he's bleeding. It's bleeding into his eye. He can't see so well.

This definitely impacts his ability to win the fight. We'll just pick it up from here and pretend that shot didn't happen. Yeah. There's just no accountability when the media fucks up. They just pretend it didn't happen and move on. Kyle, if you cut his other eye, I'll take a point. But when Trump's coming out and saying, hey, when the dishonest news

media tells lies about us, we should be able to sue him. Everybody was like, oh! The end of democracy and free press. Yeah. The end of democracy dies in darkness. Like, shut the fuck up, idiot. Maybe if you stop telling lies to us. Maybe if you stop orchestrating.

Trump is such a fascist that every mainstream media outlet, except for like two guys on Fox, can ruthlessly berate him for years on end with no punishment. Oh! And look, Trump needs some berating. And sometimes, and a lot of times when Trump talks about fake news, it's not so fake. It's bad news.

And it's bad because you deserve it. But we've seen the direct examples of what can only be described as fake news, like hoax news. Like when they say they're in one place, but they're in another. Oh, there's a piss tape. Like when they act like they're in one place but they're in another oh there's a piss tape like like when when they when they act like they're standing in waist deep water and and and they're really just standing you know you know that particular one he literally said that i'm standing in no that's not the one i'm referencing i know the one you're referencing the one i'm

talking about yes i'm very i'm very familiar with that one i'm talking no there's there's there's different ones where that's happening. There's probably tons of them. There's one of them where, I don't remember the exact news matter, but she's saying that she's in one place, and she's not. She's just not even there. Did you see the ambulance go? Is that the one?

That's the one, yeah. Something about the traffic is like telltale. Who said it? It was that i think he did this and oh she i thought you're talking about like a candidate or something okay no cnn's covering some breaking news and they're talking back and forth to each other as if they're in different places but you see the traffic go from behind one person to the other repeatedly and some of the traffic is real distinctive. You know, trucks with names on them. Ambulance or a fire truck or a blue Corvette followed by a yellow Ranger.

You know, you can tell what's going on. And it's just like, we caught you this time. How many times didn't we catch you? How many times are you just, man, I just wish that news was news. I don't like opinion. I wish that the opinion-based news was its own thing and it was very distinctively like they need to color code that shit oh look they're all wearing yellow this this is how you know it's bullshit like well let's watch anyway

it's fun it's like wrestling dude but even the way that they editorialize the factual news like they start to spoon feed people people in the titles now it'll be like elizabeth warren said xyz about health care here's why that's a good thing trump said xyz about the border five reasons it's bad the numbers just don't add up over the top clickbaity like the media is so untrustworthy i don't trust fucking the people on fox i don't trust the cnn people they're in a established position of power where they can say whatever the fuck they want and The media is so untrustworthy. I don't trust fucking the people on Fox. I don't trust the CNN people. They're in an established position of power where they can say whatever the fuck they want. And because of the way our libel and slander laws work in this country, they can get away with most of it.

Or pretty much borderline all of it. Even when they make malicious mistakes. As a podcast host, thank God for those lax laws. See? I'm happy with it too. But I'm talking about in the context. Well, we should get those benefits because we never say anything of consequence.

We just want to make fun of midgets on the internet. But people, if what they're saying has real consequences, it's like, yeah, you shouldn't be able to knowingly make shit up. And then when you get caught or don't get caught, probably in most cases, you just go, eh, got a lot of clicks though. Oh, look, our Nielsen ratings are out and we're looking real good. Oh, maybe we'll do more of this, like more click-baity nonsense that ends up being nothing. It's frustrating because I feel like American people, I should just say maybe,

are ignorant enough about enough things without being told lies by the people that we should be able to look to for accurate information. Being able to choose your own news. I was wrong. I thought that it'd be so hard to lie because everyone can make their own news and everyone's going to get called out on it. News will get more and more reliable, but no, it turns out this huge chunk of people who like being lied to, you know, who just feed me my favorite opinions, take away all that unnasty truth that I don't like and feed me the pleasant stuff that I do like. And this is blue and red. And when you get to pick your own news, all of a sudden the news sources have started to recognize like, all right, this is what the people want. I like PBS a lot.

They're pretty unbiased. No one else watches PBS, right? It's not a good source. Or it's not a popular source, I should say. What's popular is the CNN and MSNBC guys feeding the blue team and the Fox guys feeding the red team. And now that you choose your own news and have it on demand, you get your custom favorite opinions

yeah yeah that's that's i don't think that's going to change anytime soon i'm just tuning out more this election like yeah if you really care like if you really want to be informed you have you almost have to watch fucking c-span or something like you have to actually watch the fucking hearing i did take god damn all the dumb ass here my wife and i both watched him she's around the house with her wireless head buds in the earbuds listening to the whole thing um yeah we we watched the whole thing um i mean i try to talk about the show all the time because it's not a popular topic always but uh yeah i followed it and uh you know they narrowed down the articles to the two that you really have to be head in the sand to know that he didn't do those two.

Use of power and obstruction of justice. But from there, I feel like the biggest win the Democrats could hope for is the one they got on Clinton, which is like, all right, we acknowledge you obstructed justice. There's no fucking way we could not. It's going to backfire for him. And Trump, I assume, I'm guessing he's going to be, I'm thinking Trump's going to beat anyone on the field other than Bernie. justice there's no fucking way we could not it's it's gonna backfire for him and trump i assume i'm guessing he's gonna be i'm thinking trump's gonna beat anyone on the field other than bernie i think bernie would beat him pretty handily but like they've been doing concurrent polls and like more swing state or i guess like the early polling states like iowa and new hampshire and things like

that and trump's support is increasing throughout these so there's no polls that you can almost pick a poll and get any opinion you want. There's definitely been polls that show that Trump's support is waning, that support for impeachment is growing. Even Trump's supporters are turning on him. There's more support for impeachment than he got in votes.

And I saw that in a poll today. So obviously some people who voted for him are now in favor of impeaching him, right? And then there's other polls that go the other way too. I saw one saying that he did well in swing states and then another one that reversed that polls at this point are tough the difference is like but the people who are going to step into the voting booth and pull the switch and the people who will like say yes on twitter you know what i mean like if we voted via twitter bernie's in so the backfire thing i'm

pretty confident that hasn't happened yet, but what happens next is the Senate is going to talk about this. And they have two choices and from a chess perspective, I'm really interested in how it plays out. They could like try to handle it in 15 minutes. Alright, let's vote. Trump's innocent.

Done. Right? Just bury the story and move on to the next one. That's something that Mitch McConnell and the Republicans could do. They could also start calling their own witnesses and say hunter joe maybe obama i don't know you know won't we get you on stage i want to talk to hunter biden about burisma i want to hear pivot yeah let's talk about your qualifications to work for ukrainian oil companies you know how the fuck did you get that job i you think it's unreasonable for president trump to be curious about your qualifications sir yeah when you've said right here before us today that you're not an oil man he's not an oil man i also hope they bring foghorn leghorn on. I'm an oil man.

You can hear by my old time accent. So what the Senate does next is interesting. They could slide right on, or they could turn this stage into something that helps Trump in re-election. Maybe. You know, maybe dragging on this topic doesn't help stage on re-election. I mean, the Democrats will get a chance to talk too. But it'll be the reverse in terms of power.

Yeah. Once they get those hearings going, they can take it anywhere they want. I've seen that in movies before. They could turn it right around to Hillary Clinton or something. All of a sudden it could be about her server again out of nowhere. They should call Hillary Clinton up to whatever

and then just be like hillary we don't have any questions just kind of uh speak your mind for the next 20 minutes and like 16 minutes and everybody's gonna be like god she sucks oh she is the fucking worst i remember i yeah i hated her four years ago three years ago too she is nobody not even the democrats liked her so yeah that's the move like now the move. Now she's on Stern talking about her sexuality and how she likes cock. Well, I like penis because it goes in my vagina.

Definitely not a cock. Every guy. I know you hate Hillary. I felt that way about W. In most of the country, yeah. But it's hard to feel that way about W now. Back when he was the guy who was pro-torture, there were a lot of people who didn't think

too highly of him. But now he's that, like, nice guy. Still fuck that dumb retard who got us involved in wars we had no place in. I'm, I'm, I don't like this shit where, like, ten years afterward, they're like, aww. Aww. Oh, now, now Bush is cool. Right, right. You don't like it, but that's the reality of it. And it's even

helping Hillary right now. Yeah. It's also about Jimmy Carter. I'm glad he fell. Yeah. Dumb bitch. Not hammering nails in all the way. Not to regulation. We'll build another house. Fucking 100-year-old wrist suck. Suck some Iranian cock.

You want to switch to the thing, Chiz? Just linked because I read that earlier today. What year is it? This is great. Fucking Keanu Reeves. He's competing with himself? Huh? He's competing with himself?

Yeah. Yeah. Keanu Reeves' career has just really turned around. Everybody on the internet seems to really think a lot of him. These John Wick movies are doing very, very well, as well as the last, it seems like. And he's making The Matrix 4. Because they left off so well on 3. They left off so poorly that we need Matrix 4.

Geriatric. This time it's geriatric. Am I the only one that doesn't want to see, like... Yeah, I don't care. Come on, he's kicking ass in John Wick. Like, clearly he can still do it. True. Touche.

Yeah, I do. Like, no, I don't want to watch these old people. I want to see John Wick instead. Yeah. You're telling me that someday I won't even need an electric wheelchair. No, I'm telling you that someday you'll be able to walk again and that kind of thing with morpheus promising geriatric ass keanu reeves is that who's the female counterpart in matrix um the black one or the white one the white one she was pregnant

is she in the fourth one? I'm probably wrong about that. Carrie Ann Fisher, is she in Star Wars? Probably. Carrie Fisher? Yeah, she's Leia from Star Wars. She's dead. No, it's Carrie Ann Moss. It's Carrie Ann Moss. You're close.

Mildly close. Look, by my standards, that's bullseye. Woody's like, I held it. Right down the middle. Straight shooter. I like it. Two out of the three names. The woman with the very long neck.

And nose. Is she in the new one? I don't know. Georgia lost. We haven't talked about it. Georgia the football team? You're not familiar with this, Kyle? So Kyle pulls for the. Foosball?

You're talking about the foosball. Kyle pulls for the Georgia Bulldogs. And by proxy, I do too. I think it's fun when like one of us has a team that's contending. And Kyle has a different philosophy about getting to the playoffs than I do. He's like, hey, if you're the number one team,

play the other teams or you weren't number one. You only deserve it if you beat them. I'm different. I'm like, let's say I'm the number one team, right? And my schedule is filled with 2 through 13 throughout the season. Well, shucks. I'm going to lose three of those even though i'm the best like somebody else is gonna have a softer schedule to the end and they take

that into account though but enough straight to schedule yeah i i look people are get real into their teams and they can't see right from wrong i think i feel like anymore they can't separate themselves and be subjective. But like Georgia doesn't deserve to be in the playoffs because we couldn't beat LSU. And not only couldn't we beat them, they beat us soundly like 37-10. They whooped us real good. And so clearly we're not a top four team so we don't deserve to be in the playoffs. That's fair. But if you were to play LSU 12 times, maybe one of those games you win or a couple of those games you win,

if your schedule's too stacked, then sure they take it into account, but there is no one with the hypothetical schedule that I mentioned where you play two through 13 throughout the season. Yeah. But if that was your route, nobody would make the playoffs you know just having that many um losses you'd have four losses you know they they take that stuff into account

until you get to the playoffs where it's win win or lose yeah um and then there's very short round of playoffs obviously in college football it's still a better system i think than what the nfl has where you just you know you if you happen to be in a weak division, you just get in, and then you win one game, and you're going all the way. I don't know. Georgia clearly didn't deserve to make it this year. It's been looking like they didn't for a long time.

I feel like Alabama was probably, with their quarterback, is probably the second best team in the country. I don't think we could have beaten them either. Alabama's down to 13 now. Yeah, they lost their quarterback is probably the second best team in the country i don't think we could have beaten them either alabama's down to 13 now yeah they lost their quarterback um and then and then like i don't watch um any of the western teams i don't know what oklahoma or ohio is doing or any of that stuff i was really just focusing on the sec a lot and watching most of those games but um yeah the way i look at it is like i'm not one of those

fans it's like oh we're so close we if they just give us a shot we could wait but no they gave you your shot it was called the sec championship game you you were lucky enough to be in the same conference as the number one team in the country yeah i don't want to eke my way into the playoffs by just happening to like like if lsu hypoth, we're not on the other side of our conference and we got to play like Auburn again for, uh, for the sec championship, we win that and we go to the playoffs.

Well, now we're just going to get embarrassed on an even bigger stage, right? If we have to play LSU and, and, and a playoff game, nah, we got what we deserved.

We didn't deserve, uh, to be a top four team we're probably a top six team well maybe next year you know i'm choosing my own news on this one and i'm changing the channel on kyle and you know i agree with a lot of what you said only that it's just not what i wanted that's all no it's not what wanted either. I wanted to fucking be a national championship fucking team. I wanted Fromm to play out of his goddamn mind and start throwing 50-yard touchdowns for an hour and a half. But what I got was a real whooping.

Just a real whooping. Yeah. Apparently, Georgia had a really strong defense, but not strong enough to stop LSU. Nope. Yeah. And Georgia had a really strong defense, but not strong enough to stop LSU. Nope. Yeah. That was the, and that was the thing, you know,

like offense has been struggling all year from in the wide receiver core, especially, but the defense had really stayed strong throughout the whole year with maybe a hiccup here and there. And yet LSU dropped 37 on us. I hate when people say us, like I'm, no, I heard it. And I thought,'m no it's i i heard it and i thought

yeah it's fine what position do i play right i play watch it at home until you start to suck i'm the on the couch coordinator or something like that so you know i they didn't deserve to win so and they didn't win and i'm okay with with that. Hopefully next year they put together a better football team. Maybe Fromm goes pro and we've got a new quarterback. I don't know who that would be. They'll be good again next year. I've been following basketball. I talk about it from time to time.

The Sixers coming into this season were one of the top two picks, maybe even the first pick for making it to the finals. They play in the East, which is a little easier. And they're good, but they're falling short of those expectations. And there's like 25 games this season, maybe something like that. So it's long enough to get a feel. Now, you know, anyone who watched the Blues last year knows that it's not all the first quarter of the season. But still, i wish they

were doing better yeah how are the hawks doing uh not good aren't they doing bad we don't have a basketball team um yeah there's six and 19 in the east they're the kinds of team that the sixers feast on no they are struggling yeah i It's only we when they're winning. Yeah, I know. It's we when they're winning. It's they when they're losing. They suck. Yeah, no.

We're the champions. The Hawks look like they're competing for a lottery pick. Well, obviously a lottery team. They're competing for the first. In basketball, I think you need to be one of the top, one of the worst four to get the worst four teams

are eligible for the number one pick and they're in that range. Well, the New York Knicks have lost 10 in a row, so they better get bad real quick. Yes. Yeah. I read a news story today and it shows this like deputy leaning over a

older teenager call him like 16 17 years old and they're taking him from his parents and it it just looks so sad and because his parents beat him And they're sending him to his aunt and uncle. And the kid starts crying. And it's like it turns out that his aunt and uncle are beating him worse than his parents are. So they look into it and they're talking about like grandparents or something. But the grandparents beat this kid too. And it's like, fuck. Jesus Christ. I know, right? grandparents beat this kid too. And it's like, fuck. Jesus Christ.

I know, right? What a shitty kid. So eventually they're going to send him to the New York Knicks because they don't beat anybody. I thought that was funny. Worst kid ever. Common denominator here is you, Billy. And Officer Davies and I, well, we're thinking about giving you a little whooping too.

Jesus. Oh, do we have any outros? We actually do. Yes. The rare post roll. From NHTSA. From NHTSA. A DUI covers more than just alcohol.

Drugs that make you feel different will make you drive different. And you can get a DUI. Always remember that make you feel different will make you drive different. And you can get a DUI. Always remember, if you feel different, you drive different. Never drive high. Drive high, get a DUI. All right. PKA 469.