Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #472

Episode Date: January 10, 2020

In this week's PKA, welcome to 2020! We kick off this new decade and year with our good buddy Harley from Epic Meal Time back and he shares us some stories from his days being a substitute teacher and interacting with his students, the guys laugh at the breaking news funny videos of shootings and killings coming out Taylor's homeland of Nicaragua... I mean St Louis, Missouri and they give their 2 cents on a really screwed up situation from Reddit's /r/RelationshipAdvice, enjoy this hilarious PKA to kick off the new year!

PKA episode 472. We got our 2012 all-stars. Thank you, Harley. Kyle? Yeah? A couple of sponsors tonight. Express VPN and Squarespace. We'll talk about them later on in the show, of course.

But yes, we have our old friend Harley on with us. Looking like you're in a real cool place. Is this your place? Is this your apartment? Yeah, this is my condo right now. And I noticed that the TV's in the back because I never... I usually have a green screen up. No, I'm cool with that.

It looks like somebody's playing some Call of Duty back there. That's what I'm seeing. Amir's going in on some Call of Duty. Is it the current COD? Yeah, the new one. I've been playing a bunch of that. It's good. Good for them, that game. Good for that game.

Oh, shit. You don't like it? Look, I'm having a hard time. I've played it a bunch, And as is typical for COD, my feelings run so hot and cold. Like the highs are high, the lows are low. Oftentimes it feels like the low is not my fault. I stream with people better than me and the skill-based matchmaking,

like I'll start to think like this COD's the shit. And you know what? I am too. And then last time I streamed, we had this guy named Clifford in there. Clifford is a COD god. I already knew that. Name like Clifford?

We won every game. I know Clifford. And I was doing push-ups for how negative I went. So if I got like, say, 10 kills and 17 deaths, that's seven push-ups. And I had maybe 80 by the end of the night. I was going to say you're looking jacked, bro. You got your ass kicked on cod or what? Dude, the worse I am at cod, the more jacked

I get. I'm going to Hulk out by springtime. That's the trick to me cutting some weight. I got to do 48 push-ups again. Now if you just switch to Tarkov, you'll actually turn into a human Hulk.

I wouldn't doubt it. So the skill-based matchmaking hurts my feelings and resets my feelings on how good I am. And then also, I think there are seven maps in the gameplays. If you like DOM and Headquarters and the standards, I think there's seven maps. That's not enough, in my opinion. enough in my no yeah well what do they do they do variations of the maps right like they do that like what battlefield does i don't think so they but they have some dedicated maps for the 10v10 game modes i think there's a 32 player lobby ground war it maybe has two maps there's a bunch of yeah they added a new one i thought or something

i think it went from one to two i think i don't play ground war much and there's a bunch of 2v2 maps for gunfight and uh i don't know how many maps that has like six ish guessing but i don't play that very much so if you're a guy like me who tends to stick to mostly the objective based like traditional games there's not a lot of maps if you're a variety player and you like gunfight and ground food then there's a bunch i literally just play team deathmatch hardcore and that's all i'd do i like hardcore i don't give anything else like really that much time i like to play a lot of battlefield i prefer battlefield a lot but have you tried tarkov at all yeah i have i'm terrible at it yeah everybody is that's the whole point there's nobody who like like there are no tarkov

players streamers pros who are like yeah i just win every time nobody does everybody is just like well it's kind of like real life you know if you go into a war zone you sometimes you make it sometimes you don't i gave some and some gave all we did our best i slaughtered ai i'm sure i'd be good no but sometimes the bad guys are real people they're not ai like you can go in and be you take control of an ai so you might come across an ai and it's like some guy who's just gonna fuck you up make you do push-ups i watch a lot of tarkov videos lately like i i'm i'm probably as knowledgeable about that game as anyone who's never played can be and uh it like i'm looking at all the addictive aspects of it and i'm like man it's like heroin

like i know i'd like it but i'm not sure i should start it i there's like all kinds of rank up stuff and and you get more and more loot and and you have loot in the bank which lets you play next time and it's never enough like shroud was like man i'm low on level three vests he had 20 he had 20 level three vests i'm like you're like a a tarkov billionaire and for some reason like you feel like it's not enough you know you like i played i remember i played it speaking of uh our 2012 brethren i was playing with uh freddie wong and like his crew and it was one of my first times playing they're like yeah come through with us and i like spawned in my guys wearing like beach shorts and like a t-shirt and i have like a pistol and like a spoon that i found they they came in like they just looked

like real like real army boys. And I was like, oh, my God. And he was just like, yeah, we call this full Ninja Turtle mode because they have like the backpack and the helmet and everything. Their guys do look like huge green Ninja Turtles. Yeah. And I'm there with like my finger like this. He's got jams on from the 1980s.

I learned that a broken spoon can actually be pretty dangerous from the COD campaign. I escaped from a prison. Yeah, that's right. Nothing more than I've been streaming the campaign. And I swear I must have gotten killed by that Russian guy who bursts into your house when you're a little Syrian girl. Yeah. Random unspecified Estonian girl.

I got you. Yeah, because I'd run over and I was trying to sneak on him. And I would would you know should i should i not have died that many times he probably got me i didn't got me six times yeah i didn't die once on that but i can't judge like the one where you control the woman with the surveillance cameras i might have had like 12 deaths on that like that one i breathed i died like three four times walking out of there when you have the gun and you're trying to, you're the little girl trying to shoot the desert eagle. Oh, that was hard.

That, I messed that up a couple times. Yeah, I got fucked up pretty bad by that. But when I saw that part, like, you know, I was actually with Amir's player right now and he was there and he saw it. I'm like, yo, Amir, look at this. He's like, give the kid a gun. And then this game gets an award in my books. And like, next scene, it's like that.

And he was like, yup. He's like, they did it. They did it. They're calling it the bravest scene in video game history. There are so many dead children in that game. There are children that you as the character threatened to kill. There's some dead dogs that you crawl over. I didn't feel like there were enough dead children.

Not from my point of view. There can always be more. There are hundreds of dead children. Are there no schools in this country? Come on. There's a scene where they gas a town, I'll call it, and there's just dead kids all over. And they crawl over a dead dog, and they're like,

they just kill everything. Oh, it was so over-the-top violent that I remember on stream, I was like, what does Russia have to gain from this? They're just like, today does Russia have to gain from this? They're just like, today we're going to do school shootings in the Middle East. It's like, but why? Because we're bad guys.

I had a Russian guy who was always in my streams, and when that part was coming up, he'd already played the game. He's like, I leave now. I'll be back. He's like, I just hate this whole part. Are you on Facebook, Harley? Yeah, I do Facebook streaming.

How, I guess, if I ask you how it is, are you able to give honest feedback? Yeah, it's great. It's fun. It's cool. Full disclosure, they pay me. Nice. Yeah.

So now everyone knows. Twitch streamers. Maybe they don't trust me. No, but you could stream 60 frames on there. I think you can pretty sure you could do 4k right now the one thing that like i guess is bothersome is uh which you know they fix they do they've changed it so much i actually have my dashboard open right now they've they change it constantly like they're actually really serious about working on it it's uh the uh a lot of people don't it's hard to get brand deals for facebook video a lot of companies

are just like oh on facebook no really they're not about it yeah but facebook looks after uh you know their streamers i like you could get supporter button subscribe button um which is now actually like like there's like a culture of it. There used to not be a culture on Facebook, obviously, right? The only culture was Twitch. But people go on there and they give stars. They subscribe. They support.

I mean, I could send you guys the level up invite so you could stream on there. Where are you guys streaming now currently? What are you guys doing? I'm on Twitch right now. I'm nobody. I'm a Twitch partner, I guess, but that but that's still nobody no that's a big deal that's hard to get these days is it they're like yeah they don't just give them out like you have to stream like have streamed like 3 000 hours uh like streamed like it's like they're

pretty like intense well fuck i guess my application's not gonna go through i'm grandfathered in from back when it was easy. Yeah. They let me apply, but now when I check up on it, it just shows like a wizard girl going, we're reviewing your application. Okay, well, if not, you know, yeah. Yeah, but I did, what I was doing before the Facebook thing was I was using Restream. You guys know that site?

No. I've never used that, no. Restream.io, you go and you stream to that site, and then it streams it to facebook twitch mixer and youtube at the same time and it's not like they are each getting it at different times they all get it at the same moment and then what's cool about it is you get like a chat that is one chat out of all of them and they have logos next to their name like a twitch logo or youtube so people know what they're commenting on and when i was doing that i would just bring the chat with a transparent background they make it very easy a transparent background here yeah that's

what i do everyone would ignore the chat on actual and they can look and someone on twitch could be writing to someone on youtube just as it's popping up on the screen um yeah i use that all the time it was great because you never know like like like twitch is i think still like the best culturally like the money culture there's like gamers are good subscribing supporting and giving twitch emotes you know twitch is still like the brand but then youtube is like you know up and coming and it's like if you're not popping on twitch you might go on youtube and pop you know, up and coming. And it's like, if you're not popping on Twitch, you might go on YouTube and pop. You know, I've noticed that like strategy with YouTube is like you play like a weird game.

Like, you know, like you want to get noticed on YouTube. Like maybe even just like pull out your mobile phone and play Call of Duty mobile instead of playing Call of Duty. And that might get you more attention because maybe a lot of kids are playing the mobile version. And Mixer, the no delay is cool but if you use restream then you kind of cancel that but like the easiest way to go viral on facebook

streams is to kidnap a mentally handicapped man yep keep him in your apartment for days you gotta rough him up a little further go on yeah that's those guys went big i mean they did oh yeah this was like a year or two ago like oh wait i remember that they were like they were like slapping around and stuff yeah and not at all monetizable integrations right all right the proud boys they're gonna sign right up okay they're gonna want to be part of this because you've got to have a racial aspect. That's key. That's key to this demographic. I suggest you get a brown person. Make it sort of fluid.

We don't know where he's from, but he's definitely not you. He's definitely not you. Not just confused, but disoriented. And no mercy. You've got to really get his head in that toilet. and no mercy you gotta really get his head in that toilet man when i'm cracking a handicapped man's skull open i love my steel brand hammer and then you hold it up you know good good brand all right so mark is mark is top donor and he wants us to use a hammer so yeah that's on brand for st louis it is like yeah there was another like, how much St. Louis sucks

like big post where it was like, St. Louis records four homicides and five shooting victims in first three hours of the new year. It was like, can we, can it ever just be like St. Louis man, invent something useful. Invented a gun

with four barrels down. Exactly, I was going to say four times the mass shootings of a normal psychopath yeah let me he has a hammer with claws on both ends they're calling it a sledgehammer a double claw just a useless fucking hammer

absolutely useless a video on a public freak out went kind of not big Absolutely useless. A video on Public Freakout went kind of not big, but it was reposted in our subreddit. And it's New Year's Eve in

St. Louis if you want to watch a little bit of this. You don't have to watch the whole thing because it's six minutes and ten seconds. There's so much violent gun content in St. Louis that it stretches to six minutes of highlights. I'm ready to click. We'll check it out.

St. Louis, Missouri. Are you guys ready? Ready, set, play. Oh, he is a... Pal, can you identify that gun? I always... He's got an AR-15 of some kind. Looks like he's been playing a lot of Tarkov.

He's modded it out quite nicely. Yeah, I can't tell my AR from my M4s. He's got a nice rail. Got a nice stock on there. He's customized this bad boy out. Can you tell the pistol? It's dark. It's just firing into the air.

Someone died from that. Oh, my God. They're just opening up Snapchat map things. This guy goes full Yosemite Sam. Watch this. Dude, this is very dangerous. They're in a parking lot. Oh, man.

Or no, that's just the street. Who's shooting? What are they? What is? They're just shooting parking lot. Oh, man. Or no, that's just the street. Who's shooting? What are they? What is? They're just shooting into the air. Are you allowed in St. Louis? No. In some places, yes.

In some places, yes. No, you can't fire into the air. No, really, you can't. Why? Well, I mean, in this area of the city, no cops are going to come around and tell you to stop. Oh, it's a quiet night, actually, on 4th Avenue. It's a quiet night!

So, Kyle, for people listening, which kind of gun is the safest to shoot in the air? I'm thinking shotgun, birdshot. Yeah, you got a shotgun with birdshot. But the thing is that people don't understand. If you shoot it straight up in the air, there's not going to be a problem. Because the bullet's going to go up and it's going to do that thing like you see in the cartoons where it just comes straight back down. The terminal velocity of most rounds is rather low.

You'd be like, ow! The problem is people shoot at an angle and so they carry their speed and inertia into people's roofs at this rainbow kind of arc. If you were able to shoot straight up, but you're really counting on the person shooting a firearm in the street to have a lot of arc. Like if you were able to shoot straight up, but, but you're, you're really counting on the person shooting a firearm in the street to

have a lot of, well, it seems like even nearly straight up would be pretty good. Nearly straight up is much better than 45 degrees. No, I'm still watching the video. There's no shooting guns. Yeah.

There's six minutes of this. It just keeps going. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I guess I could, yeah, I skipped through the other.

Yeah. Oh, I see. No point... Yeah, I skipped through the other... Yeah. Oh, I see. No point in saying, yo, we need to work on our life decisions. I applied at a technical school, and then they just light him up. I think you guys want to go to 420, though. 420?

I know I do. I'm ready. Give it some time. I want to celebrate New Year's with this guy. All right. What's on the end of his gun? That's a grip. That's a loudener.

A loudener? It looks like a banana peel. You going to hit who? I'm going to hit Wells Fargo. You're going to hit Wells Fargo? He's shooting at Wells Fargo. What? They don't even need a scope.

I got to say. This guy blows right through the stop sign. They don't need a scope. You're talking about a no scope? He's talking about no scoping. He's got the pink Taurus. This is his girlfriend's gun. Oh, it was a girl. She had nails.

No, a different person. No, that was a girl. Yeah, that was a girl at first. You're going to hit Wells Fargo? Everyone just chills with their gun on their lap like that? No. It's cheaper than circumcision.cision yeah i also like to brandish weapons that oh he's got a whole yes why is he pointing his guns at himself on his belly like

that he shouldn't be you know this is my safety look at my liquor why does everyone have alcohol and guns in their on their lap in St. Louis? St. Louis, people, you guys gotta relax. Because we're the coolest. This belongs on I am very badass. Dude.

What an awful way to spend your New year's eve some woman died from a falling bullet not here somewhere in the country that happened i saw like a story because apparently it's not super uncommon for people to just fire guns into the air on new year's eve it seems like stupid that's a very expensive celebration there was a warning so so in a lot of places that's the time of year where you can discharge firearms into the air. It's Fourth of July, New Year's, have it up. In Gwinnett County here in Atlanta, they made a big deal. They're like, if we see you shooting firearms in the air, we're going to take the gun away.

We're recommending one year of prison and fines. Because last year, a bullet went through a guy's roof, hit him in the head. Killed him? Killed him. Killed him. Oh, he's just probably watching guy's roof, hit him in the head. Killed him? Killed him. Killed him. He's just probably watching some mindless TV. Watching the ball drop. Yeah.

Three, two, one. He's just... Dude, that's... The gypsy was wrong. I'm going to make it. He went through it. I wish I knew the angle, right? Because I feel like...

It's one of these. It had to be. It's 30, 35 degrees. That's the thing. the angle right because i i feel like it's probably you know it's one of these it had to be you know 35 30 35 degrees like like that that's the thing you know like like it's it's some basic math some basic physics if this is complex math by my standards if you go straight up with a bullet wrench it's like throwing a ball in the air right versus throwing a ball at an angle you know you if you're throwing one from right field all the way to home plate, it's going to have some sting on it when it gets there. But if you throw one straight up in the air and let it stop

and then just fall back down, it has a terminal velocity based on its mass. That's where you're wrong. I've tested that theory, and I threw it from right field to home plate, and it just kind of rolled across, Kyle. It had no sting on it at all by the time it arrived. It's that whole myth about dropping pennies off the Empire State Building, right? You know, people are just going to get annoyed. So I'm not an expert on this.

That's true. But I think that bullets are designed to sort of stay straight and pointed, whereas pennies tumble. So if I were to drop a bullet off the Empire State Building, I think it might do the aerodynamically worst thing. So a bullet has what's known as a ballistic coefficient, and that's how well it cuts through the air, right? But all objects have a terminal velocity, the human body's terminal

velocity is roughly 150 miles per hour, right? And that is enough to kill you. Well, it's enough to kill the body that's falling at 150 miles per hour. And the target, per hour and the target I'm such a fucking idiot I never considered that that penny thing wasn't true

I guess I've never given it any thought random deaths in New York would be outrageous throwing a handful of pennies every day at his window we got a mass shooter and it's a guy up there with just a gym bag full of those rolls opening him up. They're like, we can't confirm anything other than the fact that he's definitely not Jewish.

He's definitely not. He's been throwing pennies away this entire time. Jesus, I was slow to catch on. There's someone out there and he's like, this is just a damn shame. There's a bunch of Jews down below with helmets. It's Jewish Christmas. Pennies tumble and flip around, whereas bullets, I think, would dive through the ground. And that terminal velocity, like you mentioned, it's part weight, I think, but it's definitely part aerodynamic profile. Yeah, it's mass and the aerodynamic profile, which in bullets is that fancy ballistic coefficient.

Obviously. Yeah, but it still doesn't reach a speed that's deadly. I've been hitting the head with a shot out of a shotgun that someone had shot at not a sharp angle, certainly not right at me. I know guys have

been peppered, as they say, basically to shot at a bird. It happens a lot when you're dove hunting because you've got a field full of guys. Some of them you're drinking. And the bird, if a bird flies low enough, then the angle of your shotgun is obviously much lower. And so it could easily hit your buddy across the field.

Yeah, that's how you take Cheney somebody. That's how you take Cheney somebody. I went shooting pheasant a couple years ago. Yeah, and what's crazy about that is women and children were in the bushes in front of you, a bit above you, and they're going up to the feeding spots and shaking the trees to fly the birds out.

So when you're ready, we're there, and then they go, women and children go, and they start shaking the trees to fly the birds out so like when you're ready like we're there and they're like they go women and children go and they start shaking the trees and so you're aiming at women and children shaking trees you can't see them but they're in the woods yeah and you just you just have to wait until it's above the tree line like that's it that's when you shoot but like also like we're drinking the last time i held a gun was was in like Kyle's backyard like seven years ago. I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm like, there was like three times where I was just like, oh, I'm like, oh, yeah, there's people in there. We're shooting at people.

And they're just hoping that we aim up more. Yeah. Mythbusters did the bullet thing. And they agree with everything Kyle said. and they agree with everything Kyle said. If you shoot it straight up and it comes down, it's only lethal in the case that it hits you in the eye,

mouth, or ear hole. Okay. Oh, that's most of my head. A lot of holes in my head. Percentage-wise, no, it is not. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. It's mostly cranium here.

It also agreed with Kyle in that if you're just off straight up, you're pretty good. But the range at which things start to be bad was more than I thought like even if you're above 45 degrees it's still lethal on the way down like you need to be much closer to 90 yeah there it is you really need to be straight up and the problem is people don't know that and you saw how these people were doing it yeah they were doing it lethally. They're doing it fairly lethally.

Yeah, the way they're shooting. Some of them are almost shooting horizontally. And bullets really go much, much farther than you would ever imagine. People are like, yeah, it probably goes to as far as I can see. No. It goes farther than that. It goes farther than that. Picture how far you can see.

Farther than that. Well, if it's flat, you can see 25 miles. But they don't go that far. But, you know, most lanes. I see we got a round earther. Is there a gun? I like the eye roll. Is there a gun that does go that far?

Yeah, yeah. But they're like. Another bootlicking follower. Naval guns on like destroyers and stuff. No, no, no. I mean like a one guy can can hold and put down you know i don't know the maximum range of stuff like that if you just if you're just looping one but my guesstimate would be about 12 miles or something like that for a gun

just a regular gun yeah wow because i know like the warning on like 22 says like five miles and i know that like one time we may or may not have let a 40-millimeter Bofors get away from us. And I was like, how far does that go? And he's like, about nine miles. And I was like, no! What's nine miles from here? The orphanage.

The orphanage. He's like, well, they got a horse farm over there with thoroughbreds. They're about a quarter million a piece. I'm like, we got to go. Get out of here. Pack this bitch up. I looked up how far 50 Cal went. I was super curious. It was less than I thought. It was five miles. Some guys were saying

as much as eight. Wow, shit gun. What a shit gun. I can't think of a normal gun that would go farther. Yeah, I don't know. I guess it really depends on velocity. It's all about velocity. What kind of gun can you fire safely into the air in celebration?

No, because everything falls at the same rate, regardless of weight. Ooh, I'm trying to process. You don't think it'll slow down slower? It will slow down slower. If it's heavy. That's a good point, yeah. I suppose it would hold more,

it would maintain its speed longer, have better inertia if it weighed more. It's probably a good reason for why those naval guns can literally shoot like 20 fucking miles or whatever they do. But it'll fall faster in certain situations, right? Because it's not happening in a vacuum. It'll fall the same speed as everything else within that same air density, humidity, etc.

Altitude. Yeah, he's right about that. And it sounds wrong, and I've fought against that idea for forever, but it just keeps being true. I'm pretty sure this goes back to Archimedes. I know. That feather and that lead weight off a tower like literally a couple thousand years ago. When everyone was firing crossbows into the air

in celebration of the summer solstice. Welcome to summer solstice two. Two. Year one. Lord the witch. Three, two, one. one yeah lord the witch three two one so i have an am i the asshole people in my streams have been asking for this kind of stuff it's about a two and a half minute read you guys buckle up yes and after this i have a wild video whoa okay this is my night's going great build your expectations now these are plans i female

29 was married to my ex male 30 for five years burn that in near the end of our marriage i felt he wasn't giving me the attention i needed nor was he the same man i married after five months of talking and trying to sort things out i the, the girl, decided to pack things up and leave. We spent a week away from each other, after which he came over where I was staying to try for one last time. I denied him and we had a pretty clean divorce. We've never spoken to each other since. The months leading to our divorce,

I got to know one of my work colleagues. More and more, and we really had a connection. We did talk more frequently and exchange messages, but I was sure never to start anything until my husband and I were truly over. After our divorce, I pursued my coworker and got on pretty well to begin with. However, it became evident that I made a huge mistake leaving my husband. I was blind to my own shortcomings in our relationship and realized that I wasn't,

I'm sorry, that I was constantly putting out his. This only hit me once I moved in with my coworker who, unlike my ex, didn't put up with any of my nonsense. Only then did I truly realize the value of my ex-husband.

My coworker and I dated for a year before I couldn't suck it up any longer. I missed my ex and honestly felt my whole world was crushing down without him. I left my co-worker and managed to get in touch with my ex-husband. We met up for coffee. He told me how much he struggled to get over me until he met his now fiancée. I was crushed. It's obvious that I broke this man's heart a man who looked beyond all my farts

maybe that's one of them a man who looked beyond all my faults and loved me without limit new prescription incoming i decided to be honest with him and tell him how i felt about how i'm not over him and i made a huge mistake in leaving him. This threw him off. And we went on talking about other things, trying to move away from talking about our relationship. I get the hint that he moved on and I didn't press too hard after we were leaving.

I tell him I love him. I didn't have any intention to, but I thought this is my last opportunity and I would regret it if I didn't. He didn't reply and we went our separate ways. Oh, king. Later that day, I got a message from his fiance saying how she thinks I'm being disrespectful to their relationship and her soon to be husband that I should move on. I never replied, but was I really disrespectful to the relationship? I never made a move on him

or tried to seduce him. I was honest with how I felt about him. You whore. There's a little more. Clarification. I've heard enough of this clam. That's enough of her. That's enough of her.

Yeah, this... Oh, go ahead. I think people might want to know because I hinted that there's more she put in quotes it only hit me once I moved in with my co-worker who after my ex didn't put up with my nonsense many pointed out this sounds as though I missed my ex was a doormat

and my co-worker wasn't that wasn't what I meant what I meant was I realized that it wasn't my husband who was failing me but it was me who was failing him I reflected on the way i acted throughout the marriage and i'm not proud of the fact that i let him down while blaming him we did talk about this during our meetup and i apologize for not being the partner he deserved there um but why what happened with her and her co-worker why did that not work because he didn't put up with her bullshit but so but she said that it's not the doormat thing but then she's like okay so he didn't put up with my bullshit so you

left after a year because he didn't put up with your bullshit so you're still spewing bullshit and you want to carry that back to the old man's i she doesn't detail it but my takeaway because i've read this a few times was that she just realized i don't believe her she just realized that her co-worker was a downgrade from her husband. Right? Like maybe even if. Why? Putting up with her. He inserts himself. Yeah.

That's pretty impressive. I feel like he's not. I feel like she's double wrong. He's probably a great guy. And now she's like, I should have never left him to go back. I should have followed my instinct in the middle with that guy, first of all. But you know what? This bitch doesn't even know who the fuck she wants to be.

Yeah. She has no idea who she is. So she's like, oh my God, my husband, not that good. so she's like oh my god my husband not that good this guy's good wait my husband's good now he's there and then she's like wait he was the guy initially that told me i was shit he knows what's up he really paid i should go back now there's no one there's no one now what have you done you've made a mess you made a fucking mess of your life and you want to go back and tell that guy i love him the game is over for you gal she's like i have two good years of fertility left and i'm fucked yeah so basically

yeah but you get eight years of weird fertility yeah eight years of ever riskier you know like yeah she's she's totally fucking lying totally lying about the whole, you know, it's not that he, you know, I want to go back to someone that I can basically bully throughout our relationship. Like the fact that she had to throw that extra little edit in there shows that like, yeah, people saw through that. Now we know, we know you. We've all been abused by you. You probably treat me once. At least once. So she was really probably shitty to this genuinely good guy who was doing his best.

She leaves him. He tries to rebuild and see if there's anything left there. And she shoots him down one final time. He's moving on with his life. This dude's new fiance is a million percent in the right. And she's saying, fuck you. You are literally sabotaging this. And then even being like, I didn sabotaging this. I like her defense.

I didn't try to seduce him. It's not like I grabbed his cock and started jerking or anything. No, you didn't. You were like, I love you. I'll suck your dick. I'll suck your dick. If you love someone, you'll suck their dick. If you love someone, you'll suck their dick.

I love you, Harley. I love you, too. I love that about you. Or not this guy. This gal sucks. She's clearly the bad one in this relationship. And good for this new guy and his new hopefully cool gal for getting out of that. Well, I feel like that.

You know what? I'm hoping that other girl, for her to call up this girl and be like, yo, back up, it's probably because she's like, whoa. She's like, i got lucky like this another option this guy's a good one and someone fucked him up i'm lucky and now you got to protect that so that's why she's protecting it so i looked at her more generously right maybe probably too generously and thought that like even if she's done a little growth and realized that I could have been better, if the current me were with my ex-husband, then it would be a better situation.

I don't think so. Even if she did that growth, when she goes back to her husband who was too nice to her, even when she didn't deserve it, they'd fall back into old patterns. I totally agree with you there because if anything, him folding and getting back with her would cause her to lose the respect that she's gained for him since leaving the relationship.

And what most likely happened is a combination of this coworker not being the pipe dream she thought, him making less money, not being as successful. And I guarantee that this woman that the guy got with after this little divorce, she's probably a little younger and more attractive. And so in her eyes eyes suddenly he's like oh shit he's pulling pulling some fine tail here you know like that makes me feel like i you know seeing him get that means i had something good that i i've been i had never actual relationships but like i remember when i was a swimmer in college a girl liked me and i was like uh i'll keep rolling the dice see if i can do. And then she moved on and she liked someone else. And I'm like, fuck!

Now she's hot! Grace is always greener. I didn't realize how hot she was. She's like, I like you. You're like, you like me? Ew. Wait, you like someone else too? Check out Miss Low Standards over here.

I want to know what the situation was when this chick realized that this new guy was not putting up with it like where he like you know i wonder what kind of what her brand of i'll tell you what it was i'll tell you what it was i'll tell you what it was she like woke up and like or they were sitting there on the couch or something and he just got in from work and she's like you're home he's like yep long day and she's like baby i'm hungry and he's like shut the fuck up i said i just got home from work you left two hours early because you had a tummy ache you're hungry you're fucking 28 years old get your ass up and there should be something cooking for both of us do i have to go and pick up some food? Because if I do it, I'm getting what I want. Because I bet if I ask you what you want, you don't even know what you want for dinner right now.

Do you? What do you want for dinner? What do you want? You don't know. You don't know. Okay. Every female scientist on earth couldn't figure out what they want for dinner. They couldn't.

It's too hard for them. And that's probably the real thing. Yeah. Some dinner plan. She's like, I don't care where we go. He's like, let's go to Sizzler. She's too hard for them. And that's probably the real thing. Yeah, some dinner plan. She's like, I don't care where we go. He's like, let's go to Sizzler. She's like, not there. And he's like, then we're going nowhere.

I like the life hack. Like, Taylor, I'm taking you to your favorite place. Guess where? You're right. That's where we're going. Where's that from? Where's that from? I saw it on Reddit.

Yeah. Oh, that's so good. That's actually a pretty good idea. I'm taking you to your favorite place. That could end up being a very inadvertently expensive meal. I was just thinking that. We're going to Jared? It's like, oh my god, you got reservations

at insert exclusive restaurant, extremely expensive? Okay, Harley, I'm taking you to your favorite fast food restaurant. Guess where? It's like that fucking, what is that? Like Parks and Rec thing where Aziz is talking about business ideas and he's like, a bar called Eclipse.

It's only open one hour every three years. That's really funny writing. That was a great show. That's really funny writing. That was a great show. That was really good. It gets outshone by The Office a lot, which, to be fair, before Michael left The Office, it was a clearly better show than Parks and Rec.

But wait, I do got to say that, you know what? We should never downplay Robbery California because he was one of the funniest people in The Office when James Spader was in it. You don't even know my name. I'm the Wizard King. He was one of the... Him and Will Ferrell were the only new characters

they added that I didn't absolutely hate. Will Ferrell's name, D'Angelo Vickers? I feel like they came in and his name was whatever and he's like, that's not my name. They're like, what is it? D'Angelo Vickers. It's D'Angelo Vickers.

I'm from the Southwest. I lost 300 pounds and i love turquoise yeah whoa is that a peanut is that a peanut i'm allergic to peanuts and everybody's like oh get it away get it away he's like if you put that near him he could die he's like well no it's more of like a minor swelling i never touched another man's parabolas yeah there's some good shit from Will Ferrell on that show. I should have made a, in light of the new decade, I made lists of favorite things and like notable things. I guess only one favorite thing list,

but I didn't do TV shows because that seems hard. Like where does It's Always Sunny fit? That started in the previous one. Do you go from where, if it's still existing now? Because if you go with like the Simpsons now, it's trash. Simpsons in the 90s. Do you go from where, if it's still existing now? Because if you go with like the Simpsons now, it's trash.

Simpsons in the 90s, great. New Simpsons, there's no fucking way. There's been a little bit of this going on. They got rid of Apu and Apu's so funny. Apu is very racist. You close-minded boomer. I'm told that they went, you know, they started up here and then they ended up down here for like a decade and now they're coming back up again.

Maybe I should check those out. I'm not going to watch. You said that South Park did that, I feel. So it's possible. South Park has ups and downs because they make it in six days. For two seasons there. Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, I could do

some top movies. See if you guys agree with me or not. What are your favorite mass shootings from the last decade oh there are too many to count uh i don't know there's like i mean i i'm gonna give you know hot take and this might get me some hot water i'm anti-school shooting oh well no maybe you have to have a favorite. I give it two thumbs down. I don't know. I was watching this thing, like most impactful events of this 10 years, right? Oh, yeah. Lots of politics ones, et cetera.

And one guy chose Sandy Hook. And they're like, with Sandy Hook, as a nation, we decided that we'd rather have guns than fewer dead kids. It was just like, don't take my guns. All right, all right all right i get it the worst of the worst happened it was literally a kindergarten school shooting right that's like can you find anything worse even the russians from the cod campaign would be like this is pretty fucked right like it's the worst worst but uh you go to the preemie place at the hospital really so i actually disagree with that i i might be crazy but i feel like if hot take here but i feel like if the kid is right here goes kyle if the kid is a few hours old

doesn't it seem like there's a little less invested? I know you guys have actually agreed with that opinion before. It feels like a five-year-old, not only are you fully invested and bonded and like know that person, but I'm not viewing it. They still have a whole life in front of them. It's more, it's more about like how horrific the incident is. I feel like if you kill some five-year-olds,

at least they had five years, but you kill the, the preemie, like, like he hasn't even had the full nine months yet yeah all he's done is be born and lose dick skin that's all those are his breadth of experiences you left out his shooting entirely that you know what i stand correct uh yeah i don't... It's like... No, I know exactly what you're saying. Right? For the parents, those left behind. I know it's really sad to lose a young child,

like SIDS or whatever, but if a kid's six, seven years old, obviously you're closer to them. It never happened... Well, not really happened to us, but it's mentally traumatizing to have a miscarriage, right? You're all excited, etc, etc. But I still grant losing a born kid is an even worse trauma than a miscarriage. Yeah, I agree. And a preemie is just somewhere in between those.

It's cheaper too. It is cheaper. You don't get the kid though, which I guess is why it's cheaper. That's a bonus in its own. Did you have a list you made, Kyle? Yeah, I made a few lists. Which one would you like to do? I thought that you said you made a school shooting list. That would be

fucking insane. I know it would be, but I wouldn't put it past you. Yeah, that's ridiculous. It would be insane. I would actually make a I wouldn't be surprised. I could actually make a school shooting list. Good God. I made a mass shooting list. I don't really get myself to schools alone.

I don't limit myself to one category. All right? Mosques, temples, churches, shopping malls, grocery stores, wherever. Kenny Chesney concerts. Woo, that was a big one. Was that the Vegas one?

Yeah. I may have made it up, though, as Kenny Chesney. I don't know if that was Kenny Chesney or not. Keith Urban? Could have been Keith Urban? Might have been Keith Urban. One of the country guys. I like him. He's Australian.

Couldn't name it. He's Australian? Yeah. Australians do a really good twang for for country music and they're into it because they're basically like the rednecks of I've got these fucking retards believing I'm from Wyoming accidentally talked about how much water I was drinking in the metric system in fucked up my whole career

up my whole career my wife and i was right back on board love domestic violence trying to rope a cow the other day it must have been six eight meters over the fuck yeah yeah uh no mass shooting list um we could do movies of the decade but man it's hard to do movies of the decade you know like like if i think back to some of the most memorable ones i think mad max fury road was right up there it was on my list that was huge for me that that was huge for me i felt like it was it was one of those instances where like a great filmmaker like got his way where like there was no studios like fucking with him it took him so long to make it that originally he had mel gibson cast that's how long he'd been working on that really jesus mel gibson's like 60 actually while i have him right here while i'm right here amir's actually uh quite knowledgeable on the matter let me just throw to

him i'm here think about it no rush chill there just when it hits you let me know what the best movie of the decade was okay yeah of the decade that's the decade so i've got like i i have mad max so i don't have any particular mad max mad max okay that was that was on some good lists i just went through like random lists on the internet and like a lot of like the oscar-winning ones i didn't know mad max, but Mad Max was good. I also had I had to look up best movies of 2010 and go on old Rotten Tomatoes list to try and remember when they came out. For some reason I thought The Departed

came out in this decade. It did not. It came out in 2006. Of the most recent movies that have come out, I put The Joker and Irishman in my personal top 10. i thought those were both exceptional those were great i put uh 10 cloverfield lane shutter island wolf of wall street money ball uh the martian nightcrawler and i wanted to put like one comedy

on there that i thought was like unique and funny and like i think probably the most at least unique comedy in its style i've seen in the last 10 years is what we do in the shadows that vampire one so that was so funny i was actually talking about what we do in the shadows today that keeps coming up i'm gonna i gotta revisit the movie and i gotta watch the show i haven't watched the show yet yeah i was too high when i watched it the first time i haven't i mean that's probably a good way to be when you're watching it right or i don't remember much of it at all the same thing was with uh super troopers too no fucking clue this is peter he's seven thousand years old he eats a raw chicken from or a living chicken yeah so any of those ones or i put dunkirk and dunkirk was as a little like as a as a side you know, because there were too many.

I also put Limitless on there, but that's even lower than that. I thought Limitless was real good, but I like Dunkirk more. So of the like the Dark Horse ones that I don't think most other people would put in this. I think 10 Cloverfield Lane. I loved that movie. Very strong movie. It was a real like come out of nowhere. Like, wow, John Goodman kills it.

Amazing actor. He can he can. And that whatever that girl out of nowhere, like, wow, John Goodman is an amazing actor. He can... And whatever that girl's name is, I'm missing it. She shows her ass in one of the Fargos, and it's... She's a good actor, too. Great actress.

Big fan of her. I love Dread, all right? Because I'm a big fan. This kind of goes back to the... Love it. Love it. Yeah. This goes back to the reason

that I love the Mad Max movie so much is I feel like this is a movie that most studios probably would turn down because they're – and fans out there think it's some sort of Sylvester Stallone sequel movie. They don't know about the comic. They don't know about the graphic novels. They don't know about all of the cool shit that Judge Dredd is about and what what his society stands for what they did such good universe building in that in that one movie and they never left that area it was like the raid i love that movie yeah i think it's better than the rain yeah me too i think if it came out a year later or two years later it would be part of the superhero mix-up and we'd be getting more of them they did like they didn't think it was gonna be good so they just completely like

fucked it pr wise yeah um but i just like that he had it signed in his contract that he'll never take his helmet off not taking that shit off so it was in the contract that he won't do it and he had like a bonus in incentive in it as well um i love that they had like those those corrupt dreads that scene was so sick the slow-mo shots you're getting cersei you're getting cersei from game of thrones the movie was so sick. The slow-mo shots. The slow-mo. You're getting Cersei from Game of Thrones. The movie was so good. Dreads was amazing. I watch it so much.

I re-watch it all the time. Me too. What a badass movie. And what's funny about the first Dread. It was the first 4K, like, ultra Blu-ray that I bought. I was like, I got to have Dread on tap. That's a good one. Those slow-mo scenes.

Yeah. But what was funny about it, if you go look at the original Judge Dredd movie with Sylvester Stallone. And Rob Schneider. Yeah, Rob Schneider, who's like practically half the movie. If you watch it, at the beginning, it says like costumes designed by Giovanni Versace. Really? And then when you look at Judge Dredd, he's kind of dressed like Lady Gaga. He's kind of fabulous

like yeah once you notice that he's wearing like leather he looks like a lady gaga and a lady video he's got like gold zippers everywhere zippers for nothing it's like oh man i want i want i want a re-edit of like every time he gets off the motorcycle and throws the kickstand down but it's like poca face mama poca face just him like styling and that stupid fucking bright ass gear and that he takes the helmet off right away yeah that that movie was such garbage but yeah dread with carl uh keith urban right or is it carl it's carl urban carl urban's the country music singer we were just discussing. Oh, the Australian. Yeah, excellent fucking movie. I love that one.

I noticed you were spitting on the street there. That's a bit of a doozy. Not a fan of that. You're going to have to blow your head off. So what did Tarantino do in this decade? I think Django Unchained was his best effort. Can I do my list? I have it written down. Alright, so Inception.

Whoa! I'm just messing around yeah django unchained uh nightcrawler is my dark horse i love nightcrawler i'm surprised we both had that on you know what i'm proud of you guys today did you have i'm proud of you guys oh yeah i have no i had nightcrawler shutter island cloverfield name wolf of wall street moneyball joker Nightcrawler, Shutter Island, Cloverfield, Maine, Wolf of Wall Street, Moneyball, Joker, Nightcrawler, Martian, Irishman, Mad Max. Should I re-watch Shutter Island? I didn't think it was that. Shutter Island, I thought, was better than

Inception. I loved Shutter Island. So, Inception, Django Unclaimed, Nightcrawler, The Martian, Honorable Mention, before we get to the number one, is Toy Story 3. That movie moved me. Fuck it. And Endgame was my favorite of the decade. What was that last one?

Avengers Endgame. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think I liked it more than average. A lot of people liked it, but I think I really liked it. I liked it, but I think I liked Infinity War better. Oh. I actually have seen that one.

I didn't know what was going on. It turns out if you go from Iron Man 1 and then you see Deadpool 1 and then you watch Avengers Endgame, many characters have been added. And where's Deadpool?

No, I saw the Avengers. I saw the first Avengers so I guess I was closer than I thought. There was some guy with a ring flying around, casting spells. Iron Man. Oh. Can I tell you what a really funny YouTube video would be? Your review of that movie. I've only seen it.

So here's Big Green. He's coming in hot. All right? Here's my favorite character. That silly little raccoon in Batista. I think he's thinking of Doctor Strange with the ring. Here's my favorite character. That silly little raccoon in Batista. I think he's thinking of Doctor Strange with the ring. That's my guess. Yeah, it was Doctor Strange.

There were a lot of rings in that movie. Yeah, I definitely liked the Joker a lot. It's so fresh. It's hard to even give an opinion on that one. I didn't love Inception. Yeah, Joker. Big fan of Joker. Yeah, Joker kicked ass. I didn't love Inception. Yeah, Joker. Big fan of Joker. Yeah, Joker kicked ass. I didn't love Inception. I found

it to be very cool and they broke a lot of new ground. I really like John Wick. I felt like John Wick for a lot of reasons I'm a fan of. I like that somebody finally put all the effort into learning martial arts and gunplay to

portray a character who's good at martial arts and gunplay to portray a character who's good at martial arts and gunplay rather than what we normally get which is just sort of quick shots of them pointing and shooting and like oh he's just good i guess but when you watch keanu do the stuff you're like no he actually is good i guess he'd kick my ass he'd shoot me in the face he's good good because he didn't learn for that role his whole career has been building up to that role you know he learned martial arts for the Matrix. He probably learned some level of gunplay for the Matrix and then just added to it for

John Wick. He's been doing gunplay as a hobby for a decade now. They always put up videos on Reddit of him doing these target range things. Still doing it right now. There's fresh videos right now of him getting ready for the next John Wick movie. I didn't know that. He's upping his game every movie.

Yeah, he's really good. He does those obstacle courses. I could just imagine I would shoot every hostage accidentally if I ever did that. Got them all. Run and duck, and there's a reload moment, and all this. And he kills it.

And you're like, there's not even cameras there. He's holding an iPhone. And he's kind of like, oh, you're filming? I just do that for fun. Yeah. And you know, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. I love the Matrix. And then he helped someone change a tire, for sure. Yeah, for sure. And then helped a pregnant woman deliver a baby.

And then reloaded and finished the obstacle course. And his lady friend is not three decades younger than him, which is admirable, I think. I feel like Keanu Reeves could get himself a 22-year-old lady if he wanted to. I think he should. If I can, he can. There you go.

Yeah, he is very famous. I'd like to see Keanu Reeves change attire. I bet he's super efficient at swapping the sockets on his ratchet wrench. No wasted movement. He's doing tricks. I want to see him take mushrooms that'd be fun, watching him trip out

yeah I just want to see him higher I can see the code it was just a movie Keanu no no no I can see it and he just makes your bong levitate yeah he's like we are in a movie he's like we're in your movie and you're the director

what type of movie is it going to be and you're like well I'm never doing I'm never doing mushrooms again I had like the opposite problem of Kyle in narrowing down the movies because I think over the course of movies made in this decade

if there were a thousand even if there were a thousand of them because I think over the course of movies made in this decade, if there were 1,000, even if there were 1,000 of them, Kyle's seen about 910, and I've maybe seen 60. And so I had to really narrow it down. I was like, I went to the Oscar lists of every year,

and I'm like, I haven't seen any of these. Oh, Mad Max? Yeah, I've seen that. I haven't seen that. Are any of those 60? I haven't seen Drive. No, I hear it I've seen that. Are any of those 60? I haven't seen Drive. No, I hear it's good, though.

Are any of those 60 different from his 910? Or has he watched all your 60? He's seen every movie that Woody and I have. And Woody's similar movies than me, to be fair. But still a subset of Kyle's. I watch a lot of movies. I watch a lot of movies. Not nearly as many as perhaps Taylor gives me credit for. But I feel like I try to catch the really good movies.

I usually watch the Oscar list movies if I can catch them just to see how terrible the opinions of Hollywood are. How was the one where they fuck a fish? That was The Shape of Water. The one where Rob... No, I think he was talking about the one where Robert Pattinson masturbates onto a mermaid. Well, I'm interested in both, but I was talking about...

That's called Splash, and it's Tom Hanks. And Tom Hanks is a hot fish. I really like Drive. I know you're a big fan of Autism, Taylor, so you'll enjoy it as well. The main character is low-key autistic and played by... Yeah, definitely going to drive this car around.

Definitely going to. That's great, man. It's a beautiful movie. It's got this sort of 80s feel to it with the electro music the and they use like a pretty and pink fucking font to like draw the the title of the movie this guy plays a stunt driver um who gets mixed up um with the his neighbor down the hall he's very attracted to her he has has sort of loving feelings for the son. Oh, is this that really hot actor? That guy?

It is the hottest man. Chris Hemsworth? Who's ever lived. No, Ryan Gosling. Oh, Ryan Gosling. That's who it is. Yeah, okay. Then I've seen posters for this.

I just haven't seen it. Ooh, it's a good movie. There's some Scorpion and the Frog references that are very undertone. Good soundtrack, too, by the way. Great soundtrack. That's what I was getting at with the Electro. This is 80% a description of

Baby Driver. Baby Driver is so... Baby Driver is the cartoon version of Drive. This came out first. It's Looney Tunes compared to Pulp Fiction. I think I've seen both. But as Kyle was going through it, I was sort of waiting for a turn to be like,

you might like Baby Driver too. It's the's the same movie the remake it is not um but but it's there are some similar aspects it's the pixar version there's some driving of cars in the movie i mean you know and oh he's a nearly autistic uh driver with superhuman skills who falls in love for the girl in the diner. And like, there's a lot of overlap in there. But the girl like there's not going to be any love story and drive. There's not because she's married and there's blood all over him and she has seen the dark side of him. And there is a very dark side of him. And, you know, there's there's no

happy ending to drive it's it's a it's a blood-soaked reservoir dogs type it's more like reservoir dogs compared to i don't know shit that's one of my favorite all-time movies reservoir dogs if it's similar yeah i gotta watch it and i haven't seen driving a long time and just reminding me that when he pulls that fucking hammer out and when when there's an elevator scene like like when you said that he waves in and kisses her and the music's playing and then we go to a little bit of the old ultra violence it's another great movie another great movie clockwork orange yeah i'm made by my favorite director me too yeah it's uh it's been a great decade of movies despite what some people would say.

I love movies these days. I feel like the technology is catching up. I think that the Planet of the Apes trilogy, the new one, is really underrated. The CGI and the work of Andy Serkis is incredible. I love that entire trilogy, by the way. They're very good. It's so funny how much credit

that guy gets for like, dude, the way he runs around and pretends to be a monkey in a in a suit is it's crazy look at him and over there just like nobody walks around like golem like he does and and then you kind of like you see him do i feel like the cgi artist is he's one train away from the unemployment line well that's what i was just gonna say i wonder if it's like i wonder if it's like if he was at a party and they're like do the thing do the thing and he started doing it if you'd really be like whoa that is really good i've seen him with the mocap on his face acting and it's amazing like i believe you're doing that like each of those movements those it's him doing it. And they're just capturing it. And they're painting him monkey style.

You know? Like, he's doing it. Everybody thinks they can act. And then you give them some lines and they realize how wooden they are and how difficult they are to remember. And I'm no exception. But I think I can monkey. I think I can get out there and... I got this shit on lockdown.

I can do it. They can save money on the fake hair budget. We could see you. Woody, we could see you. Let's see you move that chair out of the way. Just from the left to the right, just like a quick little... I'm a tribe of monkeys. Come in.

They're trying to take over your world. Taylor's got skills. No, I thought about Taylor right now. I want to see you. your water. Taylor's got skills. I don't know. I thought about Taylor right now. I want to see you. Fuck it. I'm doing it. Hold on.

Yeah. It's not about me. This is going to be... I don't know what this is going to be like. Okay. No, you're still too... I'll tell you what that was. No, no.

That was Mango. The Chris Katad character from SNL way back in the day. Remember that? Yeah. I love it. He would take like a mango... An apple or something. An apple.

Did you see the one where Mango had found his brother and it was The Rock dressed up like Mango? And The Rock comes in doing the Mango bit with the apple as well and he's also spitting it in the presenter's face. It's great. I'm already a couple of helpful tips. Okay. You gotta bend the legs

more. Uh-huh. And, you know, that was kind of the extent of it. Pretty spot on. Look at this. I'm one bullet point away from Andy Serkis. I didn't hear a single. Ooh, or ah, I was away from the mic. The talk of the town in Hollywood tonight is Andy circus out of a job. Yeah.

And this fucking dude has dominated the dancing around like a monkey market for too many years. And it's time to get a little diversity in. You're also white sir yeah but I identify as a guy who makes a lot of money pretending to be a monkey in movies so fuck you so I have a video

okay it's pretty wild is this that banger you were talking about can we even watch this is it going to be like I wouldn't give you I've got to be like Of course we can. Okay. I wouldn't give you... I've got lots of good videos that we can't watch.

I only send you the ones we can. Man with two kids and car impersonates cop and shoots at other drugs. Wow. Hashtag spoiler. That's fire. That's the title of the video. Yeah. I know. That's the title of the video. Are you guys ready? Hashtag cool guy of the week.

Ready, set, play. It begins on a Wednesday afternoon. A neighbor helping a neighbor. In the video, you see a lady telling James Hofert the guy in the truck is a troublemaker. Hofert checks on her then drives down the street. The guy in the truck follows him.

Then Hofert pulls out a gun. Get the f***ing away! Wait, why is he upset with this person? He's a troublemaker. Hofert takes off after the truck turning on his flashing lights and siren, racing through northeast Albuquerque. Thing is, he is not a police officer. Nice.

Two other kids in the backseat. The truck stops. Holford gets on the phone. The truck takes off. Holford races after him. I have a disgruntled driver causing accidents. There's no seatbelt. There's no seatbelt.

Two kids in the back. He didn't hit me. Oh, f***. I'm not going to put it to death. Oh, no. The children are crying. Did he fall? He didn't hit me! Oh, f***! I'm gonna put it after that! Oh no. The children are crying. Did he fall? Did he trip?

He tripped. He tripped out. Goddammit, my training let me down. He just ran me! Kid, you're gonna remember this. And how cool your dad is. I'm going home! I'm going home!

This guy is- I wanna go home. Again. I wanna go home! Go home! The blast has gone to his face. I want to go home. Not until I cap this bitch. This guy is...

He's had enough. Oh, look. He just runs after him at the end. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Did he hit anything? You want to know what happened next? Yeah, that's what I want to know. Well, the shooter's been arrested on child abuse charges, firing from a moving vehicle,

and impersonating a police officer. And the person he was shot at is still on the loose with a warrant out for his arrest for drunk driving, as well as hit and run at this point. So he has sirens, this guy? Yeah. So the guy was a troublemaker. He's got sirens. Let's circle back to that.

But is it unreasonable to bump the guy and run when he's already pulled a gun on you? You're crazy too. Everyone's fucking crazy. I would just be trying to floor it and escape anywhere. If someone was pulling a gun, I would not waste the time throwing it. You know what? When he backed into reverse,

the guys, this guy's car started smoking. I was like, well, is this like GTA? Is this car out of commission? I think it would brush the radiator, right?

Like if I'm in a full size truck and that other guy is in a car where I think it's bumper versus hood, then it's not a crazy move to like disable the radiator take off i think it's a crazy move like i don't think that guy in the truck was at all innocent 100 in this he was probably being a shithead driving dangerously like maybe trying to antagonize this other guy he took it from 10 to 100 so that's it started with the truck being next to him and he pulls out his pistol and starts what what did he say right at the top of the video

get the fuck out of the car he told him to get out of the car with a gun that's carjacking no see that's when I don't even reverse is the last thought on my mind. I'm flooring it anywhere but there. He's swearing a lot in front of his kids.

Yeah, he's swearing a lot. That's probably the worst part. That guy's a real cunt for that. He's rude. He's swearing a lot in front of his kids, it seems. He was rude, though. He's just going to raise more swearers and continue the cycle.

Don't worry, kids. This guy's a troublemaker. He's a real no-goodnik. A ruffian of sorts. Well, I'm on team truck driver, to be honest. I really feel like... Would it help if you knew the truck driver's Mexican? No. Would it help if you knew the truck driver's Mexican? No, Kyle, if I hit you,

then you are fully within your rights to hit me back, right? That's how these should, I don't know if it actually works, but that's how the moral code should work. So that other guy opened the conversation, as far as I know, with pulling a gun on him. That makes him susceptible to a little bumper bumping. No, it makes him susceptible.

Can't you kill him? Yeah, you should be able to. If someone pulls a gun on you, can't you kill them? I think you're right, actually. Someone puts me in line. If someone pointed a gun at me, wouldn't you need to wait for me to shoot first? And it went click? And they're like, oh shit, my bad, I thought it was loaded.

Give me a second. And someone handed me a gun? I'd be like, well, I have no choice now choice now right yeah yeah unless you're in a car and you can drive away like this guy was well then i'd reverse into him first to be like sup bitch but you can't even shoot me i always wanted to do this i would have deployed the series of pranks and traps i've installed on the rear of my car ball Ball bearings, oil slicks, ass. Honestly, I fucking smoke this guy. A rear-facing harpoon. You think that's an exhaust? No, it's not. That's going to fire a harpoon and kill

whoever's in your passenger seat and the child behind that passenger seat. I hate this guy. Which one? This is fucking idiot with his kids. I hate Under Armour now also. I hate them too. Did you notice before he took his seatbelt off

what kind of seatbelt he had? He had an Umbrella Corporation seatbelt. This guy is a serious badass. What does that mean? It's from Resident Evil. It's the corporation that made the virus that turned everybody into the monster. All jokes aside,

Mr. Under Armour opened the conversation by threatening murder. Now he's Mr. Wesker. The other guy was fully within his rights to bump his car, I think. That other guy is fully within his rights to raise his children. He can go in the back of a vehicle now. You lose these. He's my son and daughter now.

If you pulled a gun on me and i ran over your body i ran you over with my car i might have a pretty good argument that that was self-defense if they're standing in the road and they're pointing a gun at you and you're like then you run over them yeah yeah you're fine i think you should be hunky you should get a medal you should get a key to the city but this guy like maybe not talking morally but as far as just, like, being a not retard, you don't take the time to throw it in reverse multiple times. You fucking gun it. You get as far away from that maniac as you can.

I'm, like, looking up on fucking Waze app where the local police precinct is, so I can pull into there and hopefully... Being a not retard is not how I operate, Taylor. Oh, then we agree on one thing. I hate this guy. Look at his stupid fucking hair. Dude, you know what? This guy makes me want to get into high school.

You don't like his hair? This guy makes me want to never go to Albuquerque, New Mexico. This is the type of person that... I would die to this guy. Imagine this guy killed you because he didn't like how you were driving and this is how you died. This guy with his kids in the back seat and that haircut and that underarm shirt that seat belt bro this guy's making me mad i have an issue with the little post that he has on his steering wheel

to turn it like a tractor yeah oh my god every now there's so i'm actually taking like the camera the seat belt cover that little post the one everything about what he's doing yeah this guy this is what kind of person is this person wants to be a police officer so badly right right there's got to be a subreddit for people like this right to become a cop what's a subreddit what i find people like this on uh public freak out or fight porn fight porn oh i think we've actually you don't know about fight porn i think no no no you know i've heard of it i know i remember every subreddit i remember every subreddit you've ever mentioned to me lots of people are talking about fight porn i say it's a little egregious but also funny

porn fights hilarious these women they start off grappling and then they each other and i'm like is this my kink no i don't think so no i was masturbating before i came in here i came in here you're always masturbating before you come in here bazinga yeah so i want to watch more videos of people freaking out in public. Kyle, do you have any more in your chamber? You know, I'm doing a lot of research right now. You know, there's a lot of what I would say are like seven out of tens. But I really try to only bring you the creme de la creme.

I mean, I see a lot of Asians here fighting with chairs outside. Yeah, I think this is going to meet our criteria. I'll watch an Asian chair fight. That's something I've never strung those words together. I got to say, there's a lot of them. I mean, you already knew that. Yes. But there's a lot of them here fighting with chairs.

Fighting over chairs? Oh, no, just with chairs. I'm not sure why they're fighting. These chairs don't look like great weapons hanging there. Are they in there, people. Are they in Asia or is this like San Francisco? Like where is... This is definitely in Asia. There would have been some sort of law enforcement,

I feel like, if we were in the States right now or anywhere in the civilized world. Yeah, I mean, there are parts in the States, St. Louis, that aren't in the civilized world. Yeah, but Asia doesn't. And only parts of the city. Ready, set, play. only parts of the city ready set play what is this song that's playing this is the chair fight song is it a christmas song

do they do christmas over there i just took a bottle to the head. A lot of bottles. Those chairs are exploding. These are low quality chairs. They are. This guy's just trying to sell some. No, they're on a prop. They're on a prop. These are all props. They're on a set.

Oh, I think Harley's onto something. Because bottles don't explode so easily. They're celebrating. This is a celebration. Must be some sort of strange celebration. What country is this? Why? I'm rewatching.

It's China. I recognize the character. No, I don't. I don't know what the fuck it is. Well, that guy, like, did they trip in the beginning there? Or did that guy actually throw the other guy down? I honestly don't know what was happening there. I just wish someone would do what this

commenter says and edit in everybody was kung fu fighting this is that would really improve this dude if this isn't what harley said which high iq observation harley if it's not that then these are the worst products ever made right the bottle the thing. Have you ever hit something with a bottle? They don't break so easily. Certainly not on a head. Yeah, I've seen many videos of usually dumb women trying to break a bottle over their own head only to realize that the bottle's fine

afterwards and their head is not. There's a technique to it. Yeah, that's why we call them gashes. Because they're always gashing their own heads off. With glass bottles. That's why. That's my new character, Bigot Tony. Tony hates everyone who's not just like him.

A.K.A. Taylor. A.K.A. No, this is a totally different character. This isn't at all things I believe couched in a safer delivery method. Bigot Tony on the loose. Don't get me started on the... Wow, I can't believe you have to do a whole stream just to Bigot Tony now. That will be a thing.

Now I'm going to get a bunch of fucking Twitch chats. Do Bigot Tonyony it's like i can't tony's a youtube exclusive harley can you give us a uh walmart future billionaire update on the the product i don't even know anymore i actually don't okay i have no idea i actually got uh i don't know what i'm allowed to share about this or not, because it's so weird. Normally when I have my own company and it's just me, I can be like, oh yeah, that's what, and I put my dick in it. That's the special sauce. Now it's like, I don't know what I could say or not.

I don't think they're, I don't think they're in all Walmarts though. Okay. I think it's only in select Walmarts. But we had a mac cheese, jerky. The jerky is in 7-Elevens. Nice. But the Walmart, I don't know. Is that weird?

That I have my face on products and I don't know where they are? You should know the distribution. Quick recap. Harley got into the jerky business. Walmart's selling them. He's on Walmart shelves. And the sky's the limit on where that could go. Yeah, but I don't know where all the jerky is.

Well, that's not the update I was... No. Oh, these checks keep coming in the mail, though. Hey, that's pretty nice. Some of them... Unrelated. Have you ever gone to... Unrelated. It has to do with drugs. Hey, that's pretty nice. Some of them. Unrelated. Have you ever gone to one? Unrelated.

It has to do with drugs. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. Have you ever gone to, like, the plant where they make it? Yeah. Like, manufacturing? Yeah. Is it cool?

You know what's the coolest part is, like, the jerky comes out warm. Is it better? So, like, you're eating, like, fresh jerky, you know? And also, when I was there, there was, like, two million bags of jerky you know um and also when i was there there was like there was like two million bags of jerky so i was like in this huge warehouse surrounded by like tons and tons of like millions of millions of bags with like my face on it it's like pizza in a bag and i'm just like damn we really did this didn't we damn we're helping the obesity epidemic along. I'm like, man, I'm Canadian. I just got in here.

I'm down to fuck this country up. That's awesome, dude. Yeah, well, I actually don't know what the future holds with it. I don't know if they've completely ran out or if they're going to do a re-up. We're in a place with our partners with it. Not a bad place. Just in between things or something. So, yeah.

I don't know. Okay. I guess I don't know. I guess. No, I don't know about that. But I guess since I never had the, like, a PR scenario like this where I got consider uh our partners you know um it sounds so boring but like i feel like this is like what every company says but they usually have like a little sentence or paragraph where for me i'm just like i don't know where the jerky is

i'm still waiting on a phone call back i don't know we'll see walmart all right hey harley can we quick look at your input sensitivity? Kyle, can you walk them through that? I can't change it. Why? Is it too loud? No. It's a sensitivity thing.

It can cut you off at certain points. If you click the gear on the bottom. I did it. It's off now. And then you go to voice and video. You want to slide the. Did I do it? You want to slide the sensitivity all the way to the left.

The automatic determine input sensitivity. You just want that all the way to the left. The automatic determine input sensitivity. You just want that all the way to the left. It's very difficult to tell if you've done it or not. Because it's like a random thing where it'll just cut off a little bit of the beginning. It's green now. Now it's green. Every so often we lose one of your syllables and we don't want to miss anything.

I don't want to miss a single syllable. I must have sounded like a fucking idiot sitting here talking about my jerky. You added an extra syllable in jerky just to remove it. Yeah. I said jeferky. It's the next thing we've got coming up. It's going to be a big deal.

It's fake jerky. It's just dried up foreskin. It's collected from Jewish babies. I knew there was something to you being Jewish. You're reselling us our own foreskins. Genius. Dick chips. Y'all want these baby dick chips? Do they use foreskin in human stem cells and skin products? Or is that something I had a fever dream about?

That is an episode of Preacher, actually, where they have a vampire, and the way they torture him is they keep circumcising him over and over and over, and they have so much foreskin that they decide to create a face cream product made out of his foreskins. What the fuck?

Good show. Sounds interesting. I want to be a vampire. I'm going to have to take that up again up again yeah he didn't seem to enjoy it by the end they had just created a whole automated circumcision process that was basically one of those deli meat slicers that goes back and forth and then he kept rehealing and they just yeah yeah he's a vampire so they just hook him up to a couple of blood bags you know i intravenously and he just keeps healing and he couldn't escape or anything no vampires get their get circumcised like haircuts like we get haircuts because my foreskin is

perpetually growing it's just too big and uh shit what's the vampire movie that went on forever on hbo true blood true blood one of the vampires was a virgin when she became a vampire and then i guess as part of becoming a vampire you get a little naughtier get a little you know your wild side comes out you gotta wear leather and suck dick yeah continue right well she fucks and it hurts and then she fucks again and it hurts and forever she's going to be a first time yeah her hymen keeps going back. She wasn't being naughty with Hoyt, though. That was love.

Was Hoyt the first one she fucked? She was a virgin beforehand, so naughty or not on the spectrum, she took a step forward. And she did wear leather and explore her wild side.

She did eat a lot of people. She ate a lot of pee? People. Weak. Prude. No, they don't eat people. They just suck the blood. If you're a real vampire, you suck their pee out.

I want to suck your cock. How many cocks will I suck from the glory holder today? One. Two. Covered in cock. He's purple with white in his little fur.

Yeah. Or felt. He's purple with white in his little fur. Yeah. Or felt. His fucking cape just covers himself. God, the dumbest shit really gets me. All right. What are we watching here? Or looking at here?

Oh. Oh oh Jesus Christ I don't know if I can share this no you can't you can't share this one we don't want to and Kyle's always on the side of oh yeah who did that so we made a joke

like how long ago like Like six weeks ago? Three or four. I hate that this was on my computer. Three or four weeks ago is like, all right, everybody. Now, remember to come tribute us and tweeted at Woody. And someone went to our Reddit and was like, give me X amount of upvotes and I'll come tribute Taylor. And he did. He did.

He came all over a printout photo of me. I mean, it This is like weird. Big dick move. Could we be weird here for a second? Can we be weird? No. Is it really clear? Is it the photo or the cum?

The cum. Should mine be clear like that? Let's see. This is more clear I think than typical but within the spectrum of normal i hate looking at this much because i am analyzing like the cloudiness in there but like i got like maybe maybe our man needs a little zinc in his life i'll tell you what is that gonna do that's gonna give you some chunks i eat elmer's glue for that purpose yeah yeah that's i'm just saying like i got like some rice in mine because yeah yeah you gotta like every day i got some i got like

caught like take cottage cheese and take cheese curds mine is like one part cottage cheese two parts of this mix it that's when you get my batch like poutine yeah yeah what is that this is i think this is uh i think this is my worst time on pka ever i hate i hate this show i think i think i just became an unfan and all it took was seeing see me, a picture of me covered in cum. You know what? You're so happy. You're so happy in this picture.

You're so happy in it. You're so happy to receive. You know what the craziest thing about this picture is? First of all, we're going to talk about this for 20 minutes. The craziest thing about this picture is that you're covered in cum, I guess. So the second crazy part.

We need to see this guy's face. I need to see his name, Silly Straw. Yeah. Silly Straw 22. That straw is really fucking silly. Thank you for the donation. This tribute. You know what's weird about it?

This is the second weirdest thing. I can't get over the outlet in the background. The outlet in the background. Oh, your outlet. There's a little outlet, a little plug. Something's plugged in. What do you got plugged into your house there? Do I have to open this a fourth time? You guys closed it?

Where the fuck did you saw it at? This is already my background. I sent this to my dad. This is on my LinkedIn profile. It's a lamp that's out of frame. You can't see it. What's above your shoulder? Like a ribbon of some sort, maybe?

Oh, that was a... It's a level, a very long, like, three or four foot leveler. You see the back vent? Yeah, that's for air circulation for air circuit yeah no but like two like uh two a centimeter to the right is oh no that's cum oh yeah that's there's a bunch of cum there yeah and it looks like i might have spilled something on my face oh no that's cum you know what i don't want to be weird oh yeah second weirdest thing about this uh he he printed out your picture yeah like this is like this is like a tribute in the first degree

this first man spent money on first degree tribute full color my man my man spent gas money he drove this picture of you around town he went he went to the walmart or wherever printed it out and then he sat you in the front seat buckled your picture in you drove his ass out of walmart or wherever printed it out and then he sat you in the front seat buckled your picture in you drove his ass out of walmart before you know what you're right he fucking he fucking cummed on your picture in the back alley of this walmart behind a dumpster sir we prefer you do this in the privacy of your own home the first couple times the one hour photo this isn't a burger king on a placemat you can't tell but this photo is taken in a burger king the first couple times this isn't a Burger King on a placemat you can't tell but this photo is taken in a Burger King

the first few times I saw this picture I thought Taylor had a boom mic coming out of his headset oh I did I thought that also I thought he had a microphone there but that's cum that's a spare drop to be specific

if you look to the right of the vent, that, that's a wad. A wad? The whole thing is a load. The whole thing is a load. Yes. That on the left is a wad, and that piece that you thought was a microphone is a drizzle. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah.

There's different sizes, different, like a couple, a few, a bunch. You got a load, a wad, a drizzle, a drip. The consistency is interesting like you can see there's there's darker white areas between taylor's nipples in taylor's hair yeah i right that's what i'm gonna say like he this is like bad i don't know but this is bad cum i feel like he hasn't properly stirred it's just getting this this cup makes a retarded baby. No matter who he comes inside, that baby's coming

out not good. I think this is the kind of cum you get if you beat off really recently before this load. Oh, I like to think that the rest of our pictures are in the queue, ready to be posted to the subreddit.

I hope so. We need the rest of us. And now you're part of the game too, Harley. Don't you fucking dare. I am not part of this. I'll tell you one thing, though. Oh, that's right. We all post. No, it's

funnier if it's from a non-post picture. You didn't take that picture of me when I was trying to get to catch the pennies from the Empire State Building. Oh, no. You gave me the perfect i just want no i want a taylor one it should be taylor like book brady bunch like a three by three and you're all looking at each other and pictures of you and it should be they should all be busted on i want to like maybe nine different people perhaps on the four of us and we can grade like which one of us he loves the most based on who gets to come. I want

loads so thick and creamy that you can't even tell who's being attributed. Totally opaque. I like that. Healthy loads. I like that. This is a bad load, eh? It has moments of greatness. Right between his nipples, right in his

hair, at the top. Not next to the vent vent but the next one over I think my man here just needed to wait an extra 24 hours It looks sour It looks like it'd be sour Right? It'd make you go like this That's not a

I can smell the bleach from here This guy doesn't have a lot of kiwis in his diet That is so funny I'm glad somebody You know what somebody i'm glad you know what's so crazy you know what's crazy after after he did this and he took the picture he picked it up and he licked it what are these i like to think that happened i thought you're gonna say that like after he came on it he didn't have that period of, oh, God, what am I doing with my life? It's true, he did.

He was like, all according to plan. He's like, what filter do we want to use? Yeah, and then he clicked upload and was like, oh, I'm a monster. Dude, I'm looking at this post, and it's hilarious to me, because he won a Reddit Silver Award he won a Reddit Elf Train that person is the most wrong

but that person that gave him silver they're disgusting I'm just starting hang in there he won the Elf Train Award for every 5 of these he gets a week of premium and 100 coins he also won a Reddit 2020 Vision Award.

A Vision Award! The last part is, it looks like the Automod caught this and didn't approve it, so our man USA Toast manually approved this post for our subreddit so that it could be seen. Now we have to click

Do You Opt In? 18 plus to get to our subreddit. So there you go, guys. I guess it's time to just move on to fully posting pornography here. And that's about it. Yeah, I don't know. That's really funny. Oh, here it says, to be fair, I had sex this morning with my girlfriend.

Not to brag. So Taylor almost got a blank. Nevertheless, I appreciate the cum shaming. First of brag. So Taylor almost got a blank. Nevertheless, I appreciate the cum shaming. First of all, you did give Taylor a blank. If our fandom is going to flex their collective pornographic muscle, I'd like to see you tag your girlfriends up

while they're naked with some RSK for life. I want to see your girlfriend bent over with RSK on her ass. I want to see some titties with crudely drawn pictures of our faces on them. No, I want more photos of us covered in cum. Wait, hold on. These comments are fire. I'm getting in here.

It's like these guys are looking over there like, that's the most translucent cum I've ever seen. Weak sauce. Where's the thick, creamy load, my brother? And then he's like, I haven't had celery in a while. So the guy's like, up your zinc. Like, this is like, imagine that's a real conversation. Like, this is like, imagine they're real people.

Well, there are real people. Like, imagine in real life context. Like, that's the most translucent cum I've ever seen, bro. I'm worried, son. Where's that thick and creamy you've been bragging about the whole damn time? I want to see a chunk. Kyle's right, though. Like, take your girl, write RSK on her, you know, tailbone, and let's see her bottom.

No, not on her tailbone. You put it on that gash. You don't have to show her face. Put it on your pussy, tits, or write it on your own penis. Send us your pornos. If I understand culture here, just keep her face out of it and there's no consequences. We got real life, live podcast, horny posting going right now. I have a phone somewhere with some images of me and Harley signing

this big pepperoni nippled bitches titties. Oh, hell yeah. Look at the shame. She was like, I'm a lawyer. I'm a lawyer. I'm a lawyer. You guys are rookies. I was at a paintball meetup. Someone asked if I'd signed their tits.

I told them yes. It was a 14-year-old boy. I was good to my word. Here's a good way to do it. Lie to your wife or girlfriend and say that your favorite podcast is doing a charity drive well they'll donate a hundred dollars for every nude that they send us what's our charity rsk uh the people fund for human the human fund nope nope i wanted to be children sick ones sick ones who got shot yeah wait adults they got sick and shot yeah yeah they were sick and they

were congregated because they're like, all right. So tell them that there was like a children's cancer ward that got mass shot. That's good. Or we could say that we're collecting. Oh, that's good. I've never heard. So I did not expect to be like, that's good. He said that you're like, that's good.

We could say a child shooting victims. We could say that we're going to be collecting so much real adult legal porn that we're going to drown out the market. People won't even be able to find child porn anymore. We're collecting adult porn against child porn. So you don't want our fans to send us actual child pornography. That's a no-no, right, Taylor? We're against that.

We're in favor of legal pornography. So you wouldn't want them to load up hard drives of of it like tons and just melt you know because that would end Them up in prison, and then I want listen. I understood my meals all I'm in the I'm in the green on that You're in the green okay? Yeah, so porn against child pornography strictly supervised Strictly yeah strictly super it's child pornography strictly supervised porn use. Porn against child pornography is great.

The trouble now is there's not enough porn on the internet. If we could just get more, then no one would see child porn. It's brilliant. These are just jokes among us boys. What you actually say is you're doing it for like March Dimes or a real one because they're going to Google this before they approve it. And then guess what?

We're not donating any money, retard. We're just going to look at you naked. You could use your Squarespace coupon code PKA. Create a fake charity for us. Tits for tots. Okay? It's the ball rolling on this.

The ball's rolling. And let's make this a thing. Tits for tots. That's really good. And if your girlfriend says no, slap! Tits for tots is out there. It's a non-profit organization on Facebook.

And it's about... Founded by Kyle Myers. This is bullshit. It's all pictures of tater tots and stuff. This isn't at all... Wait, did they put tater tots on titties? Because I would prefer that. I sent you a link. It's very disappointing.

Tits for tots. How do you feel about tater tots, boys? I'm a big fan. I'm going to close the cum picture now. Please do. I closed that 15 minutes ago. I'll leave it open then in case you guys... There's something else unique here.

Oh, no. That's cum. I'm going to make my profile picture. Hang on. We all have the profile picture. By the way, in the future, if you can make those into animated GIFs, come on. If you've got an iPhone, it's not hard to do. Oh, shit. That sucks.

I want to see the kind of propulsion you boys are rocking. Yeah, if the paper doesn't move, I'm not impressed. I actually don't want it this way where you're coming onto it. I want it this way where you're at least half a foot away so we can see the blast pattern. I would like it if your cum could poke a hole in the paper. I need to see penetration. It's the kind of loads that I would shoot, probably.

I want you to cut a mouth out of it. Cut a hole in the mouth, put it on your bestie's face, and fuck their mouth with a Taylor mask on. Everybody make a surprise face!

That would be the funnest meme. Oh, there's a million hours of me on the show. That's not even a meme. Now it's an interactive art experience. It's not a meme at that point. But the funniest part is that this woman has to have a picture of me on her face,

and this guy would have to fuck her face thinking about me. Oh my God. Now, that is the grand prize I don't know what we give for that if you put a picture of us on your girlfriend's face Onto a paper bag and then you come on to that But there is a prize and we will come up with something cool. We will sign over the patreon to you 100 bucks you get $100

I'd do it for a hundred like you get 40 well actually 100 bucks. You get $100. That seems excessive. I'd do it for 100. Well, actually, I was going to go do it immediately. I was like, I got to go to the bathroom real quick. And then I was going to come back. If you do that, you should get one of Kyle's headshots and do what you want with that.

Probably has him laying around. I don't have them laying around. You don't have any headshots left over. I don't have them laying around. I do. You don't have any headshots left over. I never have had a headshot ever. Well, we'll print one out. I've never possessed a headshot. I just found a website, kyle'sheadshots.com. There's thousands here.

Plenty of these. I just pulled it up. Each cuter than the last. Yeah, they're in a huge pile right next to the Woody's Lab t-shirts. I had Tech Tuesday shirts made. The Tech Tuesday shirts. Oh, yeah. No, I had like 50 of them made.

There's maybe 48 left. Hold on a second, guys. I'm so sorry. Still on the come, by the way. Still on the come. Go for it, man. So this guy... It's a very funny topic.

Nine hours ago was like 250 upvotes and I'll post a come tribute. That means like within two hours his pants were down with a picture of you and he was jerking off. He already had the photo. Because then four hours ago the come tribute was out. Like this was a big day for him. He woke up and he was like, I'll jerk off on Taylor's face a picture. You guys let me know. It's a Thursday. It's a big day for him. He woke up and was like, he was like, I'll jerk off on Taylor's face, a picture. You guys let me know.

It's a Thursday. It's a Thursday. What is this man's life? Do you have a fucking job, Silly Straw 22? Or do you just go jerking off on pictures of people's faces? I hope he works at Kinko's

and this is all easily explainable. What do normal people get off? This is just so funny. So the holiday was Wednesday. So do they get Wednesday, Thursday, Friday off? Do they just get Wednesday? Is it the year where people get off when... This is just so funny. So the holiday was Wednesday. So do they get Wednesday, Thursday, Friday off? Or do they just get Wednesday? Is it the year where people get screwed over? I think like serious jobs, you get like New Year's Day off and that's it.

I think. Oh, no. Like if New Year's Day fell on a Thursday, I think you get Thursday, Friday off. Oh. Yeah, that's usually how it goes with Not my area of expertise. Not my area of expertise. Weekend, holiday. Yeah, but I think if it's Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, well, I guess Tuesday or Thursday, you get it awesome.

You probably get fucked the other three. Yeah, I kind of fell in a weird time this year. So yeah, what would we rather have? Come tributes, tag your girlfriend with PKA, RSK, fuck Kyle. Fuck Kyle will be fun on your girlfriend's butt. I'd like to see that. Or if you're an artist, and I know there are some of you out there because I've seen your drawings and stuff like that. It's very impressive when you guys actually do real art. If you could draw caricatures of us on your girlfriend's body, that would be... That's up here for me.

That's an 8 out of 10 high effort post. That's perfect because you're forcing your disinterested girlfriend to sit there for a long time. She's into it. I wouldn't be down if you weren't an artist. She's down. If you draw a stick figure Woody and I just know it's me because of his non-stick figure calves,

then I'm impressed. That is Woody. He's like Popeye, but the calves are huge instead of the forearms. I'm impressed. You just write Woody and an arrow. Right? That is Woody. Okay. He's like Popeye, but the calves are huge instead of the forearm. Exactly. I would accept that. I mean, the contribute thing, very funny, but I don't think we should miss out on the broader picture here, which is you guys posting pictures of your girlfriends and wives naked

with silly things written on them. The best way to do it, brown bag on her head, and then one of our faces over the brown bag, and then- And then come on that i want a before and after i want like a full body shot if possible maybe reclining leg spread no meaty pussies and then i want an after effect where you have sauced her up as it were counterpoint all pussies are welcome yeah we're very progressive podcast i'm not well then you don't have to masturbate to you like a hot dog bun a A fucking third Reich of nasty pussy. You like the empty hot dog bun?

Empty hot dog bun. Yes, that. He likes the Homer Simpson look. The simp. Yeah, yeah. I don't need anything that... I don't need a vagina that's sticking its tongue out at me, mocking me. You don't like a good sandwich?

What are you smirking at? It's my pussy, honey. I'm sorry. You don't like a good sandwich. What are you smirking at? It's my pussy, honey. I'm sorry. You don't like a good cold cut sandwich. No. I got a cold cut last night. That's what that girl was pissy about earlier from that thing you read. Woody is like, and this new guy is not putting up with my weird pussy.

That's literally what it all came down to. I thought that also. I'm like, oh, this guy doesn't go down on her. The other guy did. Honey, you should have one set of pussy lips What is this the movie Alien? Bloomin' Onion, yeah Bloomin' Onion sounds good, I got myself hungry. Aren't those great? Those are so underrated

I think there's a kid who can make your own. I love them. You have to get those king onions And they're hard to find my grocery store doesn't have onions like that. I've never seen a king. I love them. You can make your own. I love them. You have to get those king onions, and they're hard to find. My grocery store doesn't have onions like that. I've never seen an onion that large in Walmart or grocery store. Never. And the dipping sauce makes it, though, right? That spicy orange stuff. Oh, my.

A magnifique. Do you prefer the Bloomin' Onion or the Aussie Cheese Fries? I've never had Aussie Cheese Fries. They are exactly what they sound like, and they come with a ranch dipping sauce. Yeah. This is how we eat them down under. That restaurant is in no way affiliated with Australians, Australia, or anything in between. It's actually the official restaurant of Australia. I think the Texas Roadhouse restaurant, their corporate headquarters is in Kentucky

or something like that. There are no Kentucky, there are no Texans involved in the corporation. Like it's just one of those. Oh, and what's that hair product, the hairspray that's like a kangaroo model? Aussie. Aussie, of course. Also completely unaffiliated with the continent, country, and people of Australia. Well, that's not fair.

That's false advertising. Well, that's not fair. That's false advertising. Yeah, it's big. I don't know what that is, but nothing to do with it. It's stolen valor. Stolen valor, which we approve of here. We've talked about this. It is funny, and so we approve of that. I love my idea on the Hangout.

Yeah, go for it. I had this idea because like we have um a couple military active servicemen in our uh in our in our in our pka hangouts patreon link down below come hang out with us it's a great time four hours once a month on the weekends we really chill out have a good time talk to everybody very interesting characters great stories everybody does drugs except for me of course because they test and this the active military guys were like linking like the the qualifications based on your age for um i believe the marine corps i think that's what it was the name somebody was like show the air force and he's like fuck the air force it was

the navy oh thank you the the navy which has some pretty decent qualifications. And we were looking at him and I was like, Woody can do this. Not only can Woody do this, Woody might be able to score an excellent on this. The only thing that might hold him back is the run. I think he has to do a mile in like nine minutes. No, no, no. Excuse me. A mile and a half in nine minutes and

30 seconds or something. That was the top of the excellent if I recall. That's hard. We're aiming for excellent though. But I think you can there's also, there's like high top of the excellent, if I recall. We're aiming for excellent, though. But I think you can... There's also... There's high excellent, medium excellent, and low excellent. You could maybe get a low excellent. And there was also a bike option. So the caveat is I'm old as fuck.

So the standards are a little lower at 46 than they would be for, say, our, I'm guessing, 21-year-old Patreon man. Yeah. Yeah. But I looked at him and I was like, Woody's a Navy man. Woody's a Navy man.

Not only is Woody a Navy man, he's a high, excellent Navy man with just a little bit of training. If you made this your goal, you know you could fully top that thing out. Especially if they give you the bike, because that is your fucking pedigree. I'm just going to legally change my name to navy seal first that's where i'm headed with this thank you taylor because my my video idea was like and i'm not trying to put any pressure on you this is this is just a gag that i'm saying on

the show of course you're not going to do this it'd be ridiculous or maybe but sounds like a challenge already on an alternate universe where we're doing things because they're silly he does this video series where like every month every week every six months however long it takes to like nail this down he goes for high excellent at each branch of the armed forces armed forces he starts low right whatever the coast guard requires i don't know you can walk you can talk then you know whatever the the the national guard or whatever and and and you know army navy air force marines like all the way to like the most difficult ones but at the end when he accomplishes high excellent gets himself a fucking full uniform full fucking navy uniform. Steals valor. He earns valor, alright?

And then he goes to the tattoo shop. He goes to me and I steal the valor. They're like, is that a Canadian Mountie tattoo? Put the Marine Corps right under it. Alright, Woody, I get that you did the push-ups but now you're an Admiral? Hey!

I did all the push-ups. Thank you very much. Admiral Woody. Yeah, that's a good idea. That's a good idea. That's a good use of Woody's time. There are those channels that do... I think it would get big. I honestly think it would be huge

because of all the drama that it would create. And so many people would be offended, offended right you don't want to be the villain but if you did this is how you become the heel of the are all the armed forces just imagine there's a whole there's whole youtube channels already devoted to like catching people who steal valor and we don't actually like what people steal valor it's a real scummy thing to do and it's a federal crime but but it saves me at AutoZone. Cosplay, however. I'm not paying full price for a cup of coffee, and I'm not changing my mind.

If you think I pay full price for my oil changes, then you're crazy. Corporal Taylor here has never paid full price at Starbucks. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. They tell me they don't believe me, and then I show them a fake scar that I drew earlier on my body from a bullet hole that I sustained in Vietnam.

I'm a Vietnam veteran. I have Benjamin Button disease. Those are the best valor stealers, the one who claim they were in wars that wouldn't even add up for their age. I saw a Reddit post. This is mildly related, where guy like list his age is like 21 and he's a grown man and in the background of his profile picture are the twin towers are you a fucking time traveler i'm gonna go with liar that's really funny ed yeah i put up a picture once of uh sorry i put a picture once on, it was like from video game high school.

So I'm like, my character in it is the principal. And so they Photoshopped me on like, you know, like a military guy's face, like, you know, with badges and stuff. And like, I shared it being like, oh yeah, Dean Calhoun's back. Go check out video game high school season three. And all these people were like, not cool, bro.

Stolen valor, not cool. And I was like, dude, I'm fucking Canadian. Everyone knows. It's a picture from a movie. It's like imagine you sit down and watch Saving Private Ryan. Tom Hanks comes out. You're like, wow, Tom Hanks stealing valor right now. Look at this.

How many of these guys were actually there, though? Shit, Vin Diesel and Matt Damon are doing it, too. Yeah, exactly. Nice, nice. Hey, you know movies. Let me tell everybody about ExpressVPN. Admit it. You think that cybercrime is something that happens to other people. You think that no one wants your

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free with a one-year package visit expressvpn.com pka to learn more links below protect yourself how you do it absolutely so we've done cum tributes i have a topic but i want taylor to return oh it's a relationship advice and i think it'll be fun okay okay i like the sound of that i like the sound of that um oh oh pastilli is not taking donations anymore exactly i get his name right yeah pastille is uh is a tarkov uh youtuber and tarkov streamer that i've been a fan of for the last couple months and obviously he blew up the other day when uh on twitch like number one viewed on twitch uh for most of the time i'm not sure if he is right at the moment but um he already had this thing planned

where he was not going to take any donations for the 2020 year yeah you said he blew up but he like super blew up this is a guy who typically had he was a good solid streamer i'm going to say he had 3 000 concurrence when he streamed his record 13 000 was his high yes his record was 13 000 but not as typical and then the other day, because people were getting drops and people liked him and they gravitated towards him, 65, 67,000?

71 at this very moment. Who is this? His name is Pastilli. 71,000 concurrent viewers watching him stream. This is a guy who was pulling, you know, four digits normally before. Now he's deep into the fives and threatening six, really. And it's life-changing.

He just blew up overnight. So, Kyle. Yeah. So he already had this thing planned before he blew up where he was not going to take any donations for this year. Obviously, he's going to make money from his merchandise. I just bought a sweatshirt. And he's going to make money from his subscribers on Twitch just bought a sweatshirt. He's going to make money from his subscribers on Twitch. You're obviously

getting paid for subscribers and all that stuff. The ads that he runs, every ad he's running right now is like $700 for everyone he fucking rolls out. He's not taking any donations. All your donations are going to a children's charity. I want to read

the actual charity out. It's called Starlight, I believe. But I want to make sure I get that right. I'll just read straight from his thing. It says, for the year 2020, I'm not receiving any donations or tips. Instead, I want to help make a difference in the lives of thousands of sick children by raising money for the Starlight Children's Foundation. As with everything I do, I'm aiming big. One million Australian dollars in 2020. Let's go. And so if you donate to him, it just goes straight to this children's fund.

And he described that he's researched it and the way they distribute the money is very fair and they do a very good job with that. Yeah, so two things. One, the money going straight to the charity is a big deal. There have been suspicious YouTubers before who were like, you know what? Send all your money to me. Then I will take it and redistribute it to charity.

It's like, okay, Trump. Woody, I took a small cut before I passed the money on. You call me out right now. I don't care for it. All right? I got $85,000. $5,000 went to the kids. All right?

What am I getting paid for? Come on. Just to be clear, it wasn't Kyle that I was thinking of. You missed out on that one. It really did happen. Yeah, so it's got to go straight to the charity. That's the way to do it. The other side, are we in favor of this kind of charity?

I love it. I love it. You love it? It's not something that, like, i feel like it's it's a really good thing to do it's probably not something that we would do and maybe that doesn't make us as good of a person as he is or maybe just means that we have different life goals and different you know well you know there's there's people that count on us you know it's it's not like you're you're like ah woody needs all the monies you're like you're like what his kids need the monies. You're like, Woody's kids

need some money. Woody's wife needs supporting. Woody's planning for a future for four, not just for Woody. I might have a secret family you don't know about. Probably do. You might have a secret family you don't know about. He does not, actually. I don't know a bit about this guy at this point. You wouldn't

know. I've got all sorts of younglings. Maybe. Potentially.'t know. I've got all sorts of anyway. Younglings, maybe. Potentially. Hope not. I'll hide. So, yeah. It's not something that we would probably do. Giving 100% of your donations away. I think it's already at like 30 or 40 thousand

on day two. You know? But it is very admirable. And I think it's a really cool thing. I emailed him. Asked him if he wanted to come on the two. You know? But it is very admirable and I think it's a really cool thing. I emailed him, asked him if he wanted to come on the show. One of the things he did do, he knows who I am and he played our clip from PKN

live to like 60, 65,000 Twitch viewers yesterday and there were a bunch of our people in there, you know, RSK, RSK and having a good time in there and uh and yeah i think he invited me to come play with him or something like that but i we were very excited at his reaction to hitting the twitch jackpot like there was a very sincere kind of like oh my god i can't believe like my life is changing right now like it he just i can't believe my life is changing right now.

I can't believe even on another scale, just developers for Escape from Tarkov, their life is changing right now also. Their game's double the popularity of Fortnite on Twitch. Those guys got to be excited about that. Where are the creators from for this game? Russia. I was going to say they're fucking drinking tonight for sure,

but now they're for sure drinking. They were drinking while they made it. Taylor, you might be muted. Like, you got to be excited though, right? Like, it's like, I didn't, I actually haven't gone to Twitch in a little while here, but like, it's like so upfront there. Like the game itself, 200,000 viewers right now. And here's your boy.

What is killer role play uh so what that's about um there is a boss character an ai character on the map interchange and there was and he's role playing as that character like wearing that character's full garb and going in and fucking with players because there is a new challenge that was recently released in the game where if you kill kill a 100 times you get his tracksuit jacket a terrible prize for a seemingly insurmountable goal because every time you jump onto the map you've got like a 35 chance that he's even there and if you go up against him if you're a good player you might win 60 of the time because he's so hard to kill and of course there are plenty of other human players also trying to achieve

the same goal, gravitating to the same area of the map. And so it's very difficult. This guy did it in like three days of playing or something like that. It took roughly... Now he's taking all the Killa gear he collected and using it to torture other players.

It's fabulous. He's roleplaying as Killa. Now that I can approve of. fabulous he's role-playing as killer and now that i can approve of now he's got me back yeah he has a good time um i saw him playing earlier and in this game if you shoot someone in the legs and they're not already on like a painkiller of some kind yeah they're cool so they can barely walk so he shoots this guy in the legs a human person and then he like runs around and circles around him with a hatchet hitting him in the head and this guy is trying his hardest to kill him just shooting with a machine gun but he can't spin fast enough and so he's and beats him to death with a hatchet that

was fun to watch everybody's like bully so i'm not a bully he's shooting me first how old is this guy uh late 30s i would say i was gonna say i like that he's old yeah he's a grown-up yeah he's he's got a full-grown man right here yeah yeah yeah you know what you know what you know what audience you guys you should attribute him and say from the pka community just post hey the boys were talking about you on PKA. We were asked to send this. It's like 400 pictures of his face just jizzed on.

Maybe after he decides if he wants to come on the show or not. Maybe after that. No, just... I won't even say that. I don't want to put that evil on him. Say it! Some people are prepared for the kind of evil we're accustomed to. Where do you want me to come?

Balls full and at the ready! Sir! Tributors ready! Hey! Are you guys ready for this relationship advice thing? Wait, let me just close this picture of Taylor.

I feel like we're not coming back to it. We will come back to it. It's part of the lore now. Come back? What? Oh! Is this another Am I the Asshole? It's relationship advice. It was requested in my Twitch stream, so I got a bunch of them.

Probably won't use them all the time. That's where I go. I talk to people on Reddit when I'm having problems with my relationship. Dude, it's not that crazy to me. Just imagine the guy that fills it out. You can't be drowning in pussy if you're on Reddit telling people how to get pussy. You didn't have to finish that sentence. This was another chick writing in, and there's an update or two.

I'm fully aware I might be overreacting a little, but some outside opinions would help ease my mind either way. So my boyfriend, 22, and I, 21 female, have been together for two years and currently share an apartment in our college town. I don't drink. I don't have a reason or anything. I just never acquired a taste for alcohol. I'll take a sip of my boyfriend or friend's drink just to try it every now and then, but I usually don't like it. I go to bars with friends and hang out with them all the time. I usually just have a soda or water and offer to drive if need be. I get this. My boyfriend was a little stressed the other day since he had to work during Black Friday. He was tired when he came home. We were watching something on Netflix and he gets up and says he's going to make a drink for himself. I offered to do it for him,

but he said, oh no, don't worry about it. I'll bring you a water. So he comes back with his drink and a flavored water for me. And when I sip it, I taste something off about it. I'll bring you a water. So he comes back with his drink and a flavored water for me. And when I sip it, I taste something off about it. I only took a few more sips before I put it on the coffee table and ignored it. He asked me why I wasn't drinking it, which was kind of a strange question to me. I told him it tasted off a little and that maybe I had a bad case or something. I bought a bad case or something. He immediately seems to get frustrated and tells me to just drink it so it doesn't go to waste.

Push came to shove, and it turns out he put vodka in my water. And when I asked him why he would do that without telling me, he said it was a fantasy of his to have drunken sex with me and that it was getting ridiculous that I wouldn't get drunk with him so that we could do that. He never communicated this to me before. I had no idea. I dumped my drink

into the sink. He was angry at me for wasting alcohol. Now I'm scared. He put something in my drink without my knowledge and that scared me. I'm not sure what to do now. Update. I'm realizing that I am, in fact, underreacting. You guys are all right. I can't

seem to stop thinking about this. A few days after the fact, so that must mean something. I'm currently packing a bag before I head off to class in an hour. I called a friend of mine, and she's going to meet me on campus after my class. I'm going to stay with her until I can figure out where I'm staying for the remainder of the semester. Thank you all for knocking some proper insight into me. I seriously appreciate it. Update.

Got out of class. Currently with a trusted friend. And I'm heading over to her place. I tried calling my boyfriend with no answer, but I'll handle that later. I'm feeling pretty apathetic about the whole situation right now. She put it in quotes. Although I'll admit that my friend got a good laugh out of me by saying, you look like you need a fucking drink.

And here's the last update. It's the next day. I'm logging in to find over 800 comments and 20 direct messages. First of all, the direct message has been super kind, and I appreciate every single one of them. Seriously, thank you. Second of all, the comments here started to get a little controversial as to whether or not it was smart of me to leave or not.

I mean, what's done is done. It doesn't really matter now. Some people might disagree, but to me, a two-year relationship is not very long. So I was no longer concerned about destroying a two-year relationship. And that's it.

She left the guy. Man. Of course. That's fucked up. Yeah, it's real fucked up. Yes, it's incredibly fucked up. Yes. He was drugging her.

Yeah, you don't drug people i was hoping we would all go on the side of like acting like this was totally normal damn it no no you don't drug people of course not yeah you don't drug people even in the context of a loving relationship so for example i would say it's inappropriate to stick your dick in a sleeping woman. But to stick your dick in a sleeping... I would say that too. Hang in there, Harley.

Now, catapoint. Woody's about to tell us how he raped someone. To stick your dick in a sleeping wife... Is rape. Maybe. No, she's your property. It's absolutely rape. I'll put it the other way.

I've told her that she has a standing order of consent. If she wants to wake me up with a blowy, that that's okay. You're like, here's the deal. Standing order of consent. You can wake me up by sucking my dick. I'm allowed to fuck you whenever I want. You wake up with a vagina on your mouth. I'm allowed to fuck you whenever I want. I do need you to sign this. I'm sleeping.

This is Carl, my notary. That's Carl, my notary public. This is just a weird thing. If he wanted to bang her and them have drunk sex, why wouldn't he just bring it up? He should have told her. Yeah, definitely

tricking her into it wasn't the move. It seems like flavor is the main thing She's not liking you could have maybe tried to buy her something sweet and nice and in like I thought you should have spoke to her and been like can we have drunk sex? Yeah, yeah, well, I mean that was yeah my first suggestion. Yeah, it's Taking advantage over it seems like his fantasy was actually I I have a fantasy about drunk raping my girl. I didn't think he might be right. I didn't see it through that lens. Yeah, yeah.

How did he think that she asked for a water and he put vodka in it? Yeah. How did you think she wouldn't realize she was getting drunk, you fucking moron? So as a guy who doesn't drink very much, there's no way that slips past you. The tiniest alcohol thing is alarming. Alarming.

Even those Trulies and stuff, you can taste that there's alcohol in it. Yeah, you can taste alcohol a mile away, even if it's just a little bit. Yeah, this guy, not only is that drugging someone, even though it's alcohol, alcohol's a drug,

he's drugging her. But it's also, just to be clear, I'm not saying Woody rapes his wife or anything, but if you put your penis in your girlfriend or your wife without her literally telling you it's okay, in the court of law,

you have rape. Get a standing order of consent. Talk about it. I don't think there is such a thing, but I would ask Cliff Hutchinson. I would just make a conversation out of it. I'd be like, hey, tonight, can I fuck you when you're sleeping? That works.

That works. No? Okay. Can I jerk off while you're sleeping with my nose in between your butt cheeks? It won't be onto you. It'll be onto a photo of a podcast that I like. Yes, that's Woody's Gamer Tag's picture on the bag. And put it on.

You don't need to see his face. I'm not telling you who he is. Yes, it's a McDonald's bag. You love their cheeseburgers. What's your problem? Yeah, that's a... I didn't think from that angle, but I think Kyle's on the right track with this one

it's uh what don't rape people like he wanted her to like without her knowledge to like get her fucked up and then oh yeah there could have been something else in there not just alcohol for sure could have been could have been he could i think he's got a bill cosby fetish uh that he's into the power play just drink the the fucking drink, you whore. Maybe he did have some GHB in there or something that she didn't know about. And then he'd just be like, it's alcohol.

But it was way worse. Yeah. And then if he's doing that to his girlfriend, he probably just does that. I have nightmares about getting drugged. What's GHB? It's the date rape drug. Date rape.

Like a roofie? Yeah, but some people can drink it as a party. Really? That sounds awful. Doesn't it just make you lose your mind like you're out? Yeah, but some people just take a controlled amount. Woo! Yeah, you had a great time, but you can't remember it.

Some people take a controlled mind. I don't know what a controlled mind is. Some people take a controlled amount. they microdose yeah microdosing roofies i had a friend she used to on here. I had a friend. She used to party a lot and she's take GHB a lot. And like she'd go out like she was like, I'd go out some nights and be like, God, I hope someone tries to date rape me so I can get a buzz. This wasn't that blonde girl that I met.

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. Dude, she was so hardcore. She was like, she was like, she was like, I should get the nails that tell you if a drink is drugged or not so that I know which drinks to actually drink. She wants the drugged ones. Yeah.

She was down. She was very fun. I was at this Igloo Festival once, this party thing. I was like, I'm dying of thirst. I need a drink. She was like, have my water. I was like, thank you. I drank it. She was like, oh, that's all GHB. I was like, I'm dying of thirst. I need a drink. She's like, have my water. And I was like, thank you. And I drank it, and she was like, oh, that's all GHB. And I was like, ah!

And then I actually woke up. Like, I had an office, like, in, like, an industrial area, like, surrounded by other warehouses. So it was, like, a warehouse. And I guess we went there to party after, and I, like, woke up, like, face down in the middle of the floor of my office, like, shit everywhere. Not actual shit, maybe.

Bottles and everything and clothing and it's all fucked up. The front door is banging in the wind. I literally did the worst thing you could ever do. This is the worst type of wake up. I woke up and I went, hello? In my own office.

That's what it did to me. Did I knock everything over or did someone else do that? in my own office. That's what it did to me. Did I knock everything over or did someone else do that? I'm like, who is here? We were looking for weed and we couldn't find any. I just shared this story the other day. There was no weed to be found.

It's shocking for a ski town. There should have been so much weed. We made the right move about getting weed from strangers. We sent the two attractive ladies over to ask for weed. You know what? Just fire that bad boy over to my P.O. box. And I'm upstairs with her, and she's grinding up these painkillers,

these pills, these tablets, on the nightstand until they're mostly powder. That's a lot of steps up from weed. That's what I thought. I was like, whoa, we were here. And now we're here. And she looks at me with like the rolled up 20 or whatever. And like

there's crumbs of pills tumbling from her little cute nostrils. And she goes, you want some? And I was like, no. I think I'm going to have a beer instead. I wonder what she's like now. She's probably 33, maybe?

Does that sound right-ish? Married with a kid. Are you guessing or do you know that? No, I know. I still talk to her. She's a friend of mine. She had been a friend of mine before everything. She was the most hardcore party person.

She's awesome. She was the most hardcore party person. She's awesome. She was awesome. Now she's a kid. She told me, she's like, this music festival is coming up. If you want to go, she's going to send me our first weekend away from our daughter. Kyle, you should come.

I'm grown up. Give me a year and a half. Is it a music festival? Is it a northeast Georgia music festival? I'm not allowed in Northeast Georgia. Sorry, Taylor. That won't cut it. Remember we went to get alcohol, and that girl was like,

she was like, are you legal age? And she was like, I don't have my ID, but I could show you my tits. And they're like, show us your tits. And they're like, show us your tits. And then she pulled her tits out. And then the liquor store lady. Yeah. The liquor store lady. Showed us her tits.

And then the liquor store lady showed her tits. I looked at Kyle and I was like, I didn't know it was really like this. Welcome to Georgia. Yeah.

It was so great. And then we walked outside and there's like train tracks. Like right in front. It's like the train stops in front of the liquor store. How were the liquor store ladies' tits? Yeah. Not as good as the girls that we were trying to get.

It was like, yeah. She was just like, I have tits too. Ma'am, we're trying to complete a transaction here. I really just want the bottle, ma'am. Can we do this the traditional way with money? Yeah, that was an interesting little trip yeah that was an interesting little trip that was an interesting little trip i just just all you guys tucked away in my guest bedroom in those uh in those sleeping bags i gotta close the door they go good night kyle good night epic mealtime

you guys are all in the same room in sleeping bags the whole crew their whole crew who got to lay on the bed in the sleeping bag there was no bed in there oh so just a guest room yeah they lined up together and allowed me to use them as a mattress

well see I already had like I had so many people there right then because white boy was staying there too so it was like harley and uh and two or three of his guys and like like and scott like like when i when i went to pick him up i was coming back from tennessee from filming the whole back of my truck is filled with watermelons and a rocket launcher and i put all of the three members of epic mealtime who are all big people, you know, and, and white boy in the back seat.

They're four deep in the back. Cause my cousin Scott's in the passenger seat. And I'm just like, God, that's gotta be uncomfortable. And whenever we got out to like piss or whatever, and they opened their door, they were spring loaded.

They just went, like opening a bread machine is they all they all expanded out the side of that fucking thing yeah that was an interesting time yeah what a weird time in life you had that spring-loaded knife that like if you just touch it the knife shoots out like fucking a thousand miles per hour yeah it's just like cool what kind of knife is this and the blade like just flies off like so fucking crazy yeah i remember um um what's muscles real name it's not kyle is it alex alex of course alex kyle you know they both chug that monster energy drink yeah somehow uh my gigantic rambo knife ended up in Kyle, uh, Alex's luggage.

Oh, and it's like wrapped in like some cable. And at some point when he's on and he flies with it to Canada. And like when he unpacks the cuts, the shit out of himself with it, he cut the shit out of himself. And he also had it in his pants and pulls it out of his pants at one point.

Yeah. And every time I rewatch it, I'm like, God damn, that's like the sharpest knife in the world. That was a legit knife. That could have been the end of Epic Mealtime. He cut his own dick off. I'm like, no, I don't know.

You have to pay two million dollars in a fucking US hospital now. Or you have no dick. Isn't he Jewish anyway? Yeah, it's true. I thought he was pretty hardcore. I wanted to make him flinch when I stabbed that knife next to his hand and he just went.

In his head, he's like, oh, fuck. That was close. He absolutely was. Which one is this? Muscles. Okay. You don't keep in touch with him anymore, Harley, I guess? No, I don't. I don't really speak to him.

I don't really speak to any of the guys except for Amir, who was just here. But he's like a vegan crossfit trainer now so he's doing well he looks great but there is an element of it where it's like damn i feel like epic mealtime was like uh like a an ex-girlfriend for some people or something you know where you're like i want to be with someone completely different so it's like if you want to do the exact opposite with your life after being muscles classes it would be like be do vegan crossfit training yeah yeah that is pretty opposite yeah going straight vegan after epic meal time very protein heavy meals i did i actually was vegan for about two months secretly though which like goes which means you're not really vegan at all if you normally tell people about it but i did uh i did like two months just because like the person i was like preparing my food for me was vegan so they just made vegan food and it was like uh

hey people always like don't you have more energy and i'm like i don't know man i've been smoking hash till 4 a.m every night it doesn't matter what the diet is daddy's gonna be tired but like I'll tell you one thing like the erections were much harder really yeah like like when I eat meat my boner's like

but when I was vegan my boner was like oh the boner was like... Oh! The boner was mad at the... It was like, fuck! Marley, if it's not too much to ask, would you come tribute me on vegan and meat so we can compare the difference?

Yes. All right. And I was going to do that before you even asked. Yeah. I'm going to do it again. I already knocked out the meat one FYI but uh when you guys see the post on PKA from like this clearly like just like ghost account

that's me that's my jizz and we won't even believe it nobody you can't pour white out on the photo you know it's just gonna be that viscous just sour cream with cheese curds in it it's the kind of chum you gotta chew

it's got an off whiteness to it. It's not white. It's not off white. Yeah. It's a little different than white. What is that? Does this guy chew on pennies? Is that a drop of blood? That's how you guys get your zinc. It's from chewing on pennies. This is a bad conversation.

Real fast, it got bad. What did he tell me to come on his picture? Over in one of the Tarkov Discord that I hang out in. A lot of PK guys in there. Someone posted the cum tribute in there. This guy goes, are we going to talk

about the cum picture or dot, dot, dot, dot, dot? The cum picture. Because that is absolutely disgusting. This real sweet kid is appalled not this one this one's honored by proxy i know it was taylor but just the same listening to this show every week and then being like now that i find that appalling is what do you guys do you guys say something after you come?

Not again. Not again. I say, you'll never catch me, and I run down the street. I do that thing when we went through, or I went through that phase. Good night, kids. Not even that long back. TheDickFlash.com.

I'll still, every so often when I think about it, pop back the dickflash.com where I would I'll still every so often when I think about it pop back into dickflash.com and see if I can find a funny story to read and there are entire forums of it being like post your post the best time you ran up to a woman in public came on her

without you knowing and then you jog fatly away and then you jog fatly away. Fatly? I watched a couple of these, and I was like, oh, this sounds like kind of a funny thing. And then you watch it, and it's just some fat guy just

beating his little pecker and walking over to a woman just sitting on a bus bench, and he just busts on the back of her hair and then he just turns around and and after watching like one or two of those you're like oh no this is just like sexual

assault this is just sexual assault that you're doing this isn't a prank or funny whatsoever this is just you know you're a bad guy and then all the comments will be like wow hard as rock right now. Nice. So brave.

Thank you for this wonderful content. Yeah, just them standing around with their dicks out trying to get women to look at it. A lot of them are really angry, though, in the comments. They'll be like, yeah, you got that bitch. They're like, God are good. That'll teach her. It'll teach her to not fuck me.

It's a pretty horrible community of people over there. Through a series of circumstances and events, the go-to line now for me lately of the past month or so is like, Daddy, did it come? Daddy, did it come? You got like a propeller head on. It's like, uh-oh, Daddy daddy did it come daddy did it he got like a propeller daddy did it come i like to think that he says that after she comes i don't know if it's yuckier to call her

mommy or daddy god the internet's a dark place are you on dick i'm right here no no i'm just i'm just soaking in everything you guys have said to me and also like like because i was reading that gentleman's comment like i went ahead and cleared out some of my dms and good god read them let's see let's see what's going on that face you had the one i want no it's real mean-spirited like okay then you don't have to say who's saying it but okay well i mean i'll just link you like what i just watched and and like you can you'll see why i don't want to do it okay fair enough fair enough i trust you yeah it's you know if you watch the first 10 seconds of this

privately um you know it's it's it's it's a bit sad uh okay yeah i understand you know i didn't click on it yeah yeah it's, it's not any of us. Mine's queued. I didn't believe it. I'm going to pop. Let's see. I'll experience this after then. Yeah.

Hosted 32 minutes ago at dickflash.com. 90-year year old mother-in-law finally touched it oh my god oh this is a long have you seen the ones taylor have you seen the ones where what the guy does and i think i've discussed this on the show so forgive me if you've heard this before but what he does he's in his hotel room and you know how like the maid will come by and she'll knock and scare the fuck out of you. He doesn't say a word. He lies in bed with headphones on like I've got on, wanking it. Right?

Yep. And he's just like, doesn't say a thing. And after three knocks, she's like, empty room. And she just comes in and catches him like jerking off. And she's like, oh, no, oh, no. And he's like, it's okay. And continues to do it. I've seen that.

She's sat there looking at it and then she grabbed the towel from the thing and reaches over and gives him the towel. That's the best commercial they could have for this holiday. Please don't make me. I clean up so much cheese. All day with the cheese considering just going back to Guatemala

this is terrible yeah that's pretty funny yeah lots of stories like that I don't want to risk reading this one it's so fucking long it might not be a good payoff I'll take a little peek myself it's so fucking long it might not be a good payoff i'll take a little peek myself it's a shame that women don't respond the way that i think a lot of men would respond right like if you walked in on an average or better looking girl masturbating and you're single and

down uh then you might and she said it's okay you might be like yeah it is right her success rate is going to be way higher than that dude's is you do like on american pie you're like you need an extra hand you know you try to try to transition this into some sex i thought where you're going with that woody is like it's a shame that when you sneak up behind a woman and ejaculate her on her shoulder she doesn't have the same reaction that we would and I was thinking like if a woman came up and squirted on my fucking shoulder flicking her bean like she's holding her fupa up with her left and she's just she's just fucking playing the record like an 80s DJ back there and squirts all over my back like a skunk spraying a possum i'm gonna have a fucking meltdown yeah

you are i'm gonna fucking lose it but yeah but but i'll go this if a woman somewhat attractive sent you the equivalent of an unsolicited dick pic you might think a twat shot yeah okay yeah yeah a twat shot you might go huh i like what I'm seeing in this window shopping session. Maybe we need to make a transaction. But women and men are so different in how they receive things like that. And like just their nature. That's the pity of it. Yeah.

I did this project. I won't say which one. But there was a very attractive Asian lady who was like part of the team. She was like a senior. She was there to make sure that we did what the company wanted done. And we were making a big production. A lot of money was involved. And I felt like we had kind of a flirtatious thing, but I had a girlfriend. Who'd you tell? Oh, something in the future for Kyle.

But I had a girlfriend, but I had a girlfriend. So I didn't, I didn't, I didn't say anything to her or do anything with her or anything like that. But fast forward like three months and I'm in Los Angeles where she lives. And I randomly get her titties sent to me via text. And I'm just like, choice. Those are nice. I answer my reply and she goes, oh, I meant to send those to my boyfriend. And I'm just like, oh, I'm sorry.

You must be so embarrassed. Maybe there's something I could send back that would put us on even ground. She's like, well, if you want. That wasn't an accident. That's the best one. The not an accident. I'm a little shy. Here's my pussy and butthole on Reddit for all to see.

It was boobs. It was very classy. Just the text. Oh, I see. I got you. You should have sent one of your just your asshole. Want to even things up? Not in a flattering light at all. Oh, you want to even things up a bit? It's just your fucking ass. Not in a flattering light at all. No, not at all.

Not washed out. Just the one that's like, put the phone on the toilet and squat over it just a little while looking down at the camera lens with shame in my eyes. Just put the timer on three seconds and just go. Put the timer on three seconds and just go... Or you just do the... You just do a double chin selfie and that's all you send back. Nice tits. I call this the Peter Griffin.

Just fucking straight up my ass. No, that's not what I sent. I sent something else. Oh, a penis photo. No, no. I sent her my feet. I knew she'd be into that. When she saw the amount of hair that I had, she knew that my, I was very high.

He did that thing where he stands on his toes. Chicks dig it. Fucking turn those bitches in. That's the, that's the worst thing that you do. That's how I let them know I'm hardcore. That's like smashing a bottle on your head. It's, it's a, it's a It's a real I am very badass kind of moment when you see me walk on my toes.

Oh yeah, I'm into BDSM. Watch this. Oh, gross. I can tell you were frightened. You were like, Kyle is more man than I gave him credit for. I didn't care for it. I kept expecting a lot of pops to happen.

Some sort of injury. And you look just... It's an odd gate. It's an uncanny valley kind of gate. It's like if a robot was trying to emulate a human or an alien. I don't care for that. It was kind of like Woody's monkey walk earlier.

It's a lot like Woody's monkey walk. I turn my toes in. If these are my toes, I turn them in like a fist and I walk on the knuckles. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know why I'm able to do that or why it doesn't hurt as much as it would hurt a normal human being. It's fun.

Everybody's always real impressed when I do it. I can tell. That's why I look in there and they're like, that guy's cool. Nobody ever says, what are you doing? Stop. Everybody always goes to stop. Oh, dude. that's not cool the last guy made a penny disappear what the fuck man he'll poop it out later though man it's like

a little lower than like sounding as far as watching someone do something that you have no desire to ever do i don't get sounding i I don't get that. Those people should be in the prison. Absolute unit of a cosplayer. Yeah, I clicked on that. That guy's doing a real good King Dedede. He's laying that band hammer down. King Dedede! This guy looks from... Yeah, this is an interesting

photo. Is it shopped? No. He just seems like a him no oh that's great yeah i'm an idiot like i swear you're not no you're not i saw the resemblance as well like i i didn't know i thought this was just a random cosplayer and then i was like but it looked oh oh i was admiring this costume we've talked about it before like the fappening happens, and there's six mild Jennifer Lawrence photos, and one hardcore. And everyone else is like, oh, number seven's not her. And I'm like, oh, to me it was.

I'm facially retarded. Yeah. In my mind. It looks like she showed a little nipple, a little butt, and then she blew a horse. Wow. Yeah. It really escalated there at the end. All the time there's celebrity leaks like that.

They usually mix in a few celebrity lookalikes. And not everyone falls for them, but I'm the guy that does. Let's see what I've got here. Oh, there's music. Sound of of a bitch we don't need audio for this hang on let me skip all the way in i mean i'm liking the music what is this we're doing i'm pre-watching a video to make sure that it's going to be okay for us to watch because you never know where how these things are going to end right it's a perfectly funny video and then all of a sudden there's Snatch.

Vagina. This is a contribution from our boy Chiz. He just sent me this. You do want to mute it. It's got some real catchy music. Okay.

That's a hot alligator. That alligator is thick. Fyah. I can see why you pre-watched it. Yeah, I didn't know if at some point... It's where it's going. Things are going to escalate. 48 seconds.

You guys ready? You can just play this in the background when we talk, really. Oh, okay. We can do audio. I feel like this is just a little eye candy for the viewers. There's nothing to really say about this. This is Hot Lady massaging an alligator. Or is it a crocodile? I think it's an alligator.

You know, I think it's an alligator. I do too. Why is she doing this? Because it likes it. Is it going to come? Does it like it though? It looks angry. If he didn't like it it i think he would do something about oh he'd kill her yeah yeah he'd fuck her he'd bite her in half he's like as long as this

this big titted bitch is touching me i'm fine why does she wear so little when she massages her alligator i'd wear chain mail if i had that job i don't know if that would do the trick i feel like he'd just rip your arm dislocate it within the mail. You're right. Solid armor. You need plate armor. Exactly. Yeah, you need to be walking around

like a Teutonic knight. Just blade armor out the waz. Or plate armor, yeah. Or blade armor. That's even cooler. A Teutonic knight? Yeah. I want to kill one of these things.

You're not going to jump in with a joke, Taylor, and say that I met the woman? I was about to do that. And then I got distracted. Sorry. Hung you out to dry there, my B. Yeah, I really do. I'd like to go hunting for them.

It looks pretty easy. They'll just get right into your car. Oh, a whole thread about how adult men will pretend they need to pee in public so that they can just have their dick out and let girls see them. Appropriate.

Has there ever been a free the cock movement like there is with the free the nipple thing in NYC? Oh man, that's our new hashtag. That's hilarious. Free the testies. The test cock movement. Hashtag free the testies. Ooh.

I want to walk, but if I'm going to walk around naked, I want my dick out too. I don't want to have to like. Right? Don't make me put a sock on it. If they create some sort of neoprene penis sleeve and the testies are free, that's not. A codpiece. Hashtag balls out. Balls out. Hashtag balls out. Balls out.

Hashtag balls to the wall. Balls to the wall. Millions of men are gathering and marching naked and mostly erect on the White House. I think you've all got fantastic penises. They're beautiful. They're lovely. I'm very body positive myself. You can notice from my girth I am.

I'm not just talking about my penis. That kind of stuff. A little riffing. That's i would love i saw trump at like a some sort of new year's ball or something like that and melania was with him she is so hot yeah now she is she doesn't look like a regular person melania trump is hot. Like sometimes when you're watching Star Trek or Star Wars and you see this alien woman who's smoking fucking hot, but you're like wow, that alien is incredibly attractive. Not

human, but incredibly. That's Melania Trump. She's got those squinty animal eyes with those cheekbones. She's had a lot of plastic surgery. No, not confirmed but it's like it's like i know right it's like we were talking about before you know when they say that like i'm trying to think of a good example but like oh this person doesn't look quite right she looks

terrible rogers yeah uncanny valley yeah he's i don't know if he's the best version but like it's like you need to compare them to the alternative that never had plastic surgery at all. You say she's a great-looking alien. Yeah, but she might not be a great-looking 50-year-old, 60-year-old, whatever she is. I'm not. How old is she? 40-something? She is smoking hot. She looks like a fucking Romulan, though.

She is gorgeous. I want to go to the planet where those people are from. Dude, she took the hottest first lady of all time. She ruined the curve. Yeah. I mean, who was it before her, really, if we're being honest? I mean, Slim Pickens. It really was Slim Pickens for like the last...

Charlene Nixon. She's 49. I made that name up. I don't know if that's a person. Like, I mean... Did you guys see Star Wars? No, I've reviewed it. You guys hate it, don't you? I haven't seen one in a while.

I disagree with Taylor and think that JFK's wife was at least as hot. She's definitely number two. I agree with you there. Who do you think is hotter than JFK's wife was at least as hot. Oh. She's definitely number two. Agree with you there. Who do you think is hotter than JFK's wife? Melania. Oh, Melania is definitely hotter than JFK.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, Melania is definitely... Melania is the... She's literally an ex-European supermodel. Like, you're not going to beat that no matter what. It's not going to happen. Jacqueline Kennedy is her name.

She's got a... I don't know. Even JFK was fucking models and actresses. I like her more, actually. What? I'll just give you... This is a slideshow of the hottest first ladies.

It's two pictures. It's two photos. I don't get the order of it um maybe like they have michelle in there and then some of these women aren't even hot like number 14 this woman's below average so i don't know how did i go to the wrong article now i'm looking at number two hop in a shower number three, distract tykes with tunes. Maybe it didn't work. Mine is malfunctioning as well. That sucks. Maybe drop off the slide equals. How about you eat ass

menshealth.com. I'm done with you. So Laura Bush, pretty woman. This is before, this picture that is on my screen is pre-First Lady. Oh, Pat Nixon, not Charlene. They're grabbing them at, you know who's not hot? Reagan's wife. Nancy Reagan.

But what does young Nancy Reagan look like? I'm looking at her. This is from 1952, I guess. She's not bad, but her eyes look like that thing from Ice Age. Barbara Bush? She's the schlock. They've got a fucking painting of Dolly Madison, who lived in 1817.

Dolly Madison. Let me see. Oh, this list medium put Michelle Obama number one. Number two, Melania Trump. Well, that is fake news. Frances Cleveland looks like she's a janitress, which is what I call female janitors. Frances Cleveland.

Oh, they went to a picture of Hillary Clinton when she was 17 to try to throw her on this list at number 10. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's an even prime Hillary Clinton. She's not literally 17 is not that hot,

but this one I linked, I bet you don't know who she is, but I think she looks pretty good. You see the picture of her in discord. Yeah. That's Barbara Bush. It is. How did you know?

Because I've got the list too. Oh yeah. She looks like a cat. I don't know. It's a choice. Look at this blurry black and white photo. Melania Trump is a choice, though. This picture of Barbara Bush is so old, it's a 10 type.

This is one of those where you had to sit very still so the photograph would even fucking work. There have been two attractive first ladies. George Bush's wife, the second george w's wife she's an okay looking lady all right she she'd she'd be a milf at the at the fucking cub scout meeting but if we're talking about hot first ladies there have been two and it was jacqueline kennedy she is number two and it's melania trump the european supermodel married

to the billionaire yeah yeah you're throwing on supermodel a littleried to the billionaire. Yeah. You're throwing on supermodel a little easy. She was a European model. In no world was she a... At what point did she become super? When you're famous outside of modeling. She is. She's for fucking Donald Trump. You guys are looking at this through very biased glasses.

There's just no fucking way she was a supermodel. I do appreciate that we finally have a first lady who's done lesbian porn. She has not done lesbian porn. Why do you think that? I mean, blink it if you've got it. I'm not going to argue. Oh my God, we're going to be enemies of the state

if he does this. Yeah, there's nothing riskier than mocking Trump and his family. Oh, God. Yeah, there's nothing riskier than mocking Trump and his family. She started modeling at five years old, and she did commercial work at 16 when she posed for a fashion photographer. She worked as a model, let's see, in German magazine. At 18, she signed with a modeling agency in Milan. She was the runner up

for some major modeling magazine Look of the Year contest. This is everything we know about Melania's modeling career. Ooh, we're about to get a deep cut. She's modeling fashion houses in Paris and Milan. This article's

too long. I don't care. I can't show it to the people Because it's Naked Melania Trump hugging another Naked lady Which one is Melania? Right beside her On the right

It says on the photo Why does it look like Madonna? Melania Trump Model I Madonna? Melania Trump models I'm sorry, Melania Trump, right, models for a January 1997 issue of France's Max magazine Whoa

This isn't lesbian porn Two naked women spooning Yeah, but they're not fucking They are There's pegging going on here and you don't even see it do you if there is then i would be on your guy's side in that same issue she's dressed up in like a bdsm outfit with a whip in her hand nice do they have a photo of that one yes yeah but this is still photos do you think they're really smacking that thing around

no she's posing with that whip i think the other woman's pretending that she's hating her yeah that's what i mean yeah so you guys are so biased if that's an art house photograph that was a democrat you'd call it lesbian porn because it's one woman spooning another while nuzzling her neck but if it's a republican it's like woman spooning another while nuzzling her neck. But if it's a Republican, it's like she's the hottest of the hot. You're the one injecting political bias with us. We're talking about apolitical nonsense. That's not true.

It's all like if you were to do the kindest of classes. You're saying that Jackie Onassis is better looking than Melania Trump. I think she is. Melania Trump has a natural look. If I had to spend a week with one or another and keep looking at her, I think I might do that also. Which one? I think if you compare

current photos of both women, I think the most unnatural is the dead one. If I gotta make a tribute to one of them, then maybe. But if I have to spend a week with them, looking at the memory... You wake up? You gotta wake up every day? First of all all is this pornography

it looks like an artsy photograph to me I don't know I don't consider that pornography necessarily just because there's some nudity I feel like no I guess it's probably technically porn but in my head I was thinking

I don't know though because I was thinking porn is more the fuckery yeah that's what I think of with porn. Really? Masturbation is porn? See, and there's things like that. That's what I'm thinking. Yeah, they're not masturbating in that photo. Maybe there has to be some sort of stimulation going on for it to cross into there.

I feel like this is just two attractive people posing next to each other naked, essentially. Nuzzling. I see those photographs of NHL hockey teams where they all get naked and cover their dongs with sticks and stuff. Yeah, as is tradition. You're being crazy, right?

Like the ESPN body issue, for example, I don't see as porn. That's not porn. However, if you took some of the swimmers and had them spoon each other and nuzzle one another's neck and then put another shot of them from the same shoot where one held a whip and pretended to do a BDSM scene,

I'd say that we're crossing into the porn area. Okay, so let me ask you this. Is this porn with the U.S. women's hockey team? I'm waiting for it. Oh, I know this photo. This is a good photo. It's not the same, though.

No, but you're right. There are six of them. Yeah, but I don't know. Yeah, it is. It is. Oh, my God. Look at the bottom. It's tagged porn.

They literally tagged it porn. That's funny. But, you know, I'll tell you one thing. I would say that I think if you jerk off to it, it's porn. So, I don't know. A picture of Taylor's face is porn. I would hardly call the Little League World Series pornography Yeah, let's steam it I don't know

Because you could say Right if the Supreme Court like you know, I can't define porn But I know what when I see it like that's the was the ruling in the First Amendment case I can't define porn but I know it when I see it like that's the that was the ruling in the First Amendment case it applies here but these like I wish I could show these pictures to our to the people watching these women

they are naked they're holding their hockey sticks they're all standing sideways and covering boobs so you can't see them and and they're smiling and there's like nothing sexual about it the Melania Trump picture on the other hand they're naked. You can see boobs.

Her like chin is on the woman's neck. They're nuzzling. They're spooning. There's all kinds of contact and it's intimate contact. So this men's field hockey here, who are all naked. Oh, that's such a good bit.

No homophobia in sports and they're all naked with that painted on them. That's great. Oh, shit shit I sort of almost showed that that probably didn't happen probably not if you click on it it expands in the screen instead of pops over to your browser

stupid fucking discord but well I'm glad they're taking a stand against homophobia that almost looked like that for a second I was like where do they say oh i'm like it's a nice thing okay all right so here's the canadian women's rugby team i feel like this fits your bill this is two women topless i'm liking how quickly these hopefully this opens that is more no it is that one's more parallel to the Melania shoot.

It's not quite as intimate, but it's intimate enough to be on the porn spectrum. And here's a picture of a bunch of YouTubers, including some underage boys, all in a hotel bed together. I know that shot. That one's not porn. Yeah, but they don't know what's going on under the covers.

Yeah, well, then it would be porn. Yeah. I just... The porn debate is less interesting to me than the ranking debate. Like, you really like Jackie Onassis. You think she's better looking. I do, I do.

It's because I don't think the plastic surgery... Yeah, it turns me off a lot. It reminds me of just like a weird ass like LA woman. Like it's like weird. Like it's like give it to that movie. Like it is. I know what you're saying. It's like an animal Kyle. It's like when you if you ever saw that with Stephen King movie like Sleepwalkers. I think

it was called where they like turn into cats and you'd be looking their reflection in the mirror. They're like a wild cat person. She looks like she's half-transitioned. She's like an anamorph. Let me show you her before the plastic surgery. The anamorphs. I remember that book. Look how young she is here.

This is certainly before any assumed plastic surgery. She's just got a weird face. She's got those squinty eyes and those high cheekbones. Yeah. High cheekbones. I don't know. I've been so

after, I guess I've just been so like that type, it kind of turns me off, that type. I wonder if she had plastic surgery before this picture. How old is she there? Like 20. It's 2001. Is that what it says? But you know what I mean? That type? You know what I'm saying? That type?

The type of face look or what? Just like the out of the face and like everything. It's just like I feel like it's like... Yeah, it's funny. I just feel like she looks like she sucks. Like in a good way sucks? No, not like a wah, wah, wah, wah kind of way. Oh, like she'd be unpleasant?

I love that sound effect from the Stern show when they play that. It's a clip from a porno and it's like and it's a lady getting throat fucked. Like full penetration. I like how she's like, she's still a lady though. She's absolutely still a lady. She's a lady.

Yeah, absolutely. So I found young pictures of Melania trump oh how young like before any plastic surgery no i literally just wanted before surgery they're not the worst ones i could find if you can find other pictures where she's like it's pre-surgery oh yeah see she. See, she looks like she was different. Wait, if these are her at, what is this, article 16? You're still growing into your adult version at 16.

I'm trying to get her pre-surgery. She's pretty, I think. You found her as a child. You're saying 16. How old is she, actually? Look at this fucking ugly kid with her... You guys are like assigning a motive that's not there i'm actually just trying to find her pre-surgery yeah she's definitely had

a lot of work done yeah i i don't think that picture kyle showed is pre-surgery i think this this if you scroll down there's a bottom one she's wearing like a i don't know how to, there's a bottom one. She's wearing like a... I don't know how to describe. You think she had plastic surgery at like 21, even though she was already a model. You showed a picture of her after she came to the U.S. on a green card for modeling. Yeah, I think she probably had surgery by then. Really?

I think she had surgery for her model career. Yeah. She was She's pretty she started pretty But she looks really different than she does Post surgery I just don't agree You can tell the eye thing

And the cheeks The cheeks I can only tell in like her old Older photos like of her now But like i think everybody nobody's dumb enough to think she hasn't had work done now you know everybody knows that shit and pretty much just don't all supermodels get worked on all the time getting like their little nose shaved down it could be a problem it could like mess up your career oh like if you're if your whole thing is like being like yeah visual like i i heard like

yesterday even like elizabeth hurley like got like bad plastic surgery and stuff being in movies molly ringwald got like a nose job that fixed her nose and made her look better but she stopped getting roles because of it because it was like her her character yeah her little idiosyncrasy yeah uh what's her name tara reed from of 2004's uh mtv's paradise very funny show at the time she got her tits was that mangled oh well i just remember it was funny because there's an old opium anthony from like 2005 where they're watching paradise and bill burr is on and and they just mock the whole thing oh those guys they used to be so hardcore i remember like when i first got satellite radio that's all i listened to i i still go back and listen to ona bits with patrice and bill and like all of them

doing shit like it's it's i've never laughed harder at any comedy show than i have at ona paradise sounds terrible if you look up paradise opie and anthony with bill burr it's him making fun of her he's like yeah there this fucking vapid cunts on there. Just going, I like, I like doing the vocal fry. It's real, real funny.

I checked it out. I, uh, yeah, I, um, I used to watch that all the time, but Tara Reed,

she got destroyed her tummy too. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh yeah. That was a big thing. The, um, the one that I think of that that chick from Dirty Dancing.

You guys know her? She hardly looks like herself. Oh, Molly Ringwald? Jennifer Grey is her name. Oh, okay. I haven't even heard of that name before. No? No, I've seen Dirty Dancing in high school, I think.

I'll send you a link. Hang in there. I'm going to look up the worst botched plastic surgeries oh yeah she's the one she had her nose done and it also i think there's a subreddit she's pretty and i think she even looks better but she looks so different she stopped being famous like it was a really big deal like she didn't get roles anymore she went to a she went to a movie role like the next thing after this um and because she's just her career was blown up and she got there and the director was like uh that's not what we wanted she got her nose shortened yeah she just got it all around like

made better like her cheeks are bigger like she's really pretty like i think it was a successful surgery and she even looks natural you know like we all kind of noticed that ivan i'm sorry milani is like a really hot similar to human thing she looks like a hot regular person she just doesn't look like herself anymore yeah kyle what's the name of the surgery it's like botched bodies or something like surgeries i think yeah I know it's botched. Hang on. Botched. Botched surgeries. Woody's right. Yeah. Yeah. Is this going to be like, oh, we fucked up taking his

you know... It's usually plastic surgeries gone wrong. Oh, look at that ass. Yeah. Some of these you have to kind of look at in advance. Oh, Meg Ryan. Let's go top all time. Poor Meg Ryan.

Meg Ryan. She turned into Smeagol real quick. That's the worst. And I've made this argument a thousand times where I say like, hey, I know you say this surgery makes her look weird, but you don't know what the alternative version of her would look like. There's no way she ages worse than she's surgeried, right? I would take an old

version of that girl on the left you guys looking at the same thing as me um where do you see this i'll give you a direct link i just scrolled down a second oh dane cook looks funny oh what are his eyebrows up to now i'm just on top all the time if you look at like it is mentally aged the hot chick on the left she turns out better than the girl on the right it just didn't turn out well no no it didn't oh my god what is wrong with this human this this is not a human anymore i'm gonna link you this this man uh you can show this one he's uh he's just a shirtless man. And I'm guessing he has muscle implants everywhere. Oh, this hurts.

Or something. Oh, that's interesting. What's going on here? That sucks. He looks like he's related to Melania. How do you only work out your shoulders? Look at his back. That's the problem.

It is definitely. I bet he looks great in a shirt though right i bet he does and dude his biceps and triceps are tiny it looks ridiculous on his on his shoulders all right aside from the asymmetry asymmetry his arms in the right picture look pretty good to me it's just his back is like whatever the two skinnies a pencil neck it's under underdeveloped he's never done a bent over row never done right like i it looks like they created something from silicon silicon silicone shit yeah his face is a little messed up too synthol right the synthol synthol that's what those Indonesians and Eastern European guys

do where it's like, no one will know this if it's just the bicep. It's best when they put it in their testicles though, like in their scrotum and they have those gigantic scrotums. That is hot. That's what we saw with those guys, that gay group of men, those bears from San Francisco who all

had the gargantuan scrotums and they were wearing those banana hammocks. That's justine right that's what uh dick masterson friend of the show he did that wait what remember he talked about it when he was on the show he and he had somebody come and inject his nutsack with saline and he said it was really really very painful but it was it was cool afterward which sounds like not a great trade-off like i don't i don't think it looks that bad actually um his eyebrows are a little wonky okay i think he looks terrible in this picture i saw dane cook on a podcast like fairly recently and i think this is a terrible still shot. You know, he doesn't look great, great, but... Where is that one?

So go to top all time. Do you use Reddit much? You guys got quiet for me. But yeah, and then he's just a few down. I don't know if I'm spending the night on this. Some of these are just tragic. My next 14 shits are going to be on this subreddit. That's how my Reddit use goes too.

It's like, well, taking a nice shit, time to try and find something weird. Ooh. Are you seeing the influencer with filled lips? Yeah. Where it looks like another little mouth? Yeah, it's like straight out of Aliens. With the mouth inside the mouth thing. I wonder...

Yikes. What causes that? Injections? I don't know. Nothing good. Whoa. Human Ken, I removed my ribs and now I can't walk without a corset.

Yeah, I saw that one. Good. Good. You turned yourself into a slinky, you loser. This is... This is crazy. Selena Gomez is... I think that's Selena Gomez. She's like sitting down and her ass... It's like she's sitting on a beanbag

chair. It looks just awful Is this one I'm linking A botched surgery This is a win Maybe a little too much ass For me But I know a lot of guys that's their bullseye Also if you look at her face

Her boobs and her butt got bigger Look at this bitch She got surgery to get the fattest pussy. Look at that moose knuckle. Oh, I like that. This person's scary. If I see that coming at me down a dark

alley. What? What? Crutches in the back. That's a big pussy jesus christ this one's awful you show this one too the letter of the day is p oh shit oh no it's awful how does she get it clean she doesn't there's no way no there's no way it's clean she farts and it takes five minutes get out that's how you know she's got kaka in there still

there's no way to fuck her from behind you have to have you have to have like one of those grip things on like a stick with the paper on it to actually wipe properly for sure. Yeah. A mop. A mop. It's a mop dildo. She's got a back scratcher with fucking baby wipes on it. Did you see the synthol guy in the slapping contest? Yeah. That one's outstanding.

Wait, no. I don't know if I saw the slapping contest. I need this. Oh, I clicked on the wrong. No butts ever just... Jesus. Why does she think that's a good idea? Let's watch this one together. It's not very long. 19 seconds.

It's a tumor. It's not a tumor. Are you guys queued up at zero on the one I linked? I think it's the all-natural one. Oh, I'm sorry uh let me bad link oh no is this guy's face gonna explode i'm paused all right three two one play Two, one, play. He can't hit hard.

Those aren't real muscles. Dude, this guy's girthy. He's getting ready. He's not on the left. His hand is so old. Look at that back there. He's like, you hit me in the ear, asshole. Have some of this.

It's a palm strike every time. Left by slap. It's never a slap. They're hitting with this. He's hated on Reddit. You say they, actually, but that's against the rules, and this guy in particular is the champion, and they let him break the rules again and again.

They pumped him up as this slapping champion, but really he puts his palm to your jaw, and he's punching and everyone else is slapping, and of course he's getting knockouts. He would also be pretty good in pancreas. Yeah, exactly. He's figured out how to do palm strikes. He does palm strikes and he was recently defeated and Reddit was loving it. Have you seen arm wrestling MMA? No. Is this a thing? This is where they strap you in to a thing and you're arm wrestling, but it's full contact arm wrestling. I find you're just overhead less.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. There's chess boxing too, but it's somehow less interesting than you think. Yeah, I don't want to watch the chess part. Guess what it's called. If you're going to start an organization that did full contact arm wrestling,

what would you call it? Oh. You aren't good guessers. It's called X-Arm. Here it is. It's called what? X-Arm. I thought it was going to be more clever than that. X-Arm? I thought you were going to be more clever than that.

Sorry. Sorry. All right. Let's take a walk down X-Arm Greatest Hits. You might want to mute it. They have like bullshit intro music. You know what it is. Okay.

Thank you. Three, two, one, play. Not a great like-dislike ratio on this. No. About two to one, which sounds good, but it's low by youtube standards how how old is this clearly this is now a long defunct organization probably when does you know i put i poured my fortune in and nothing came out of it a new sport is born man this was the wrong kind of ambition.

Looks like it's going to get good in about 20 seconds. It does, and I skipped ahead. A lot of branding going on right now. I apologize. At 50 seconds. Oh, my God. How have I never heard of this? This is ridiculous.

Oh, I love their Vaselining up the faces. Trust me. They need the vaseline. Yeah. Oh, my God. Are their hands taped? The guy went for an arm bar over the table. Are they taped together?

Yeah, it looks like it. Or strapped together. I love the arm bar idea because he can't punch you. Oh, and he's kicking. Oh, my he's kicking. Oh, my God. The kicking is brilliant. He's like, yeah, let's go.

He was beating that guy's ass. I haven't seen a win by arm pin yet. That seems to be sort of an ancillary part of this sport. This guy's been up beating. Why hasn't he given up yet? That ref wasn't even doing it. I was giving him a chance to be a hero. What is this? Look at the body punches.

Right? Dude, this looks awful. Yeah. I think some of these elbows are coming off the table. There is no... There's a knockout. Whatsoever. That guy in the green shirt just got knocked out they're

attached he's held up by the strap they have carabiners connecting their waist to the table oh that's fantastic dangling from a carabiner i didn't see that but that's great yeah i need to see that too oh holy shit they need to have some big names in there damn i need to see the wikipedia page for x arm there's also a chess boxing championship, apparently. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what I was talking about. Oh, okay. I didn't hear you.

I was really excited about it, and then I watched a few, and it wasn't as good as I hoped. Do you want to be better at chess or boxing? Was there not enough punching or not enough boxing? It turns out they're pretty equal. You'd think that the it was all about the boxing right but the guy you know some guys play full defense and just

survive to the next side of the chess and this is funny in 2012 x-arm announced a partnership with machinima to produce online reality show episodes another big win from a shit amount back in the day. No, guys, this is going to... Those people knew how to fucking waste some money. Shut up, shut up, shut up. XR. It's like a boxing, but arm wrestling.

How much money do we have? All of it. Not that much. That much for coke. You need to refer to it as a high D-er going forward. Yeah, it's a high D-er. I have a high D-er. Oh, what was I thinking?

People don't like regular box, regular arm wrestling. Why would they? Harley, were you ever with Machinima? No, I never was. No? No. No, but high D-er is basically what Epic Mealtime was a High Diaz. Yeah. Sometimes they're winners.

No, I remember the days of those confusing early days of YouTube. Do you ever think about your life? You were a substitute teacher. Do you think you would have advanced to full-time regular teacher? Yeah, that's what I was doing. I did. The year before, I was a full-time teacher for half the year what did you teach again your full-time history and media really nice i bet you would have been a

fun-ass teacher i like i i never joked straight up i was super sarcastic and i never smelled but like the smart kids would come in and be like oh this guy's fucking around like they knew the smart kids knew like i shaved like like, oh, this guy's fucking around. Like they knew. The smart kids knew. Like I shaved like a mustache. Because I was like, I'm a teacher. I have a mustache.

And some kids would come in and be like, you don't really have a mustache, do you? Like you grew one for class. I mean, I remember the very first day I taught class like that I ever did. I was like 22. And like it was like an 11th grade and sometimes they're like 18. And I was sitting at the desk like my class is going to start. And this this kid walks in like the kids walk in and like one of them looks at me goes, who's this fag? And it was like I had to I had to be like, Hey, what the fuck you say to me, bitch.

But I didn't know what to do yet or anything. So I was just like, Oh, I just look at my desk for this, this thing here. Where's my, where did I leave my papers? But I'm just on my desk. None of this stuff is mine. I just wanted to not deal with that yet. But I also didn't want to just be like, you're right. I am. I didn't even do that.

I'm looking, where's my stuff that I had here? Now, where did I put that in this guy's desk? This high school kid was pretty ballsy just to talk shit to a 22-year-old man. And you're like 6'5". An enormous 22-year-old man. I was sitting and I was wearing a pink-collar shirt. You were kind of a fan.

I look like a bitch. I remember I was playing basketball. I used to play. I was never good. It was at the local park. There was a high school freshman, but he was a rising freshman. The

math teacher was the assistant basketball coach. Assistant basketball coach, head girls coach. And they're playing, and he was good. This guy had played at Penn State, our teacher. And the young guy was talking smack to him, and he was very disrespectful. And eventually the teacher was like, do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am? Are you about to enter Ocean City High School? Do you have dreams of being on the basketball team that I coach? It's time for you to straighten up and apologize. And all his friends are telling him to apologize

or telling him to straighten up. He stuck to his guns. I like to think that he fucked with him for the next four years. It was fun to watch go down well you know sometimes when i was winning the battle to lose the war as they say i know sometimes people like uh like in high school like when i was teaching like some kids were good kids and then they'd like like they'd do something you know or whatever whatever. Like I, like a good kid. And you're like, you're like, Mark, please.

I said, everyone's quiet. And it's like, he's fucking talking to me, but he didn't mean to swear. And now he's from like, did you just swear in my class? Like, well, what the fuck is your problem? And I'm like, Mark, you're a good kid. You're, you don't need to be like this. And he said, fuck you.

And like, it escalates, you know? and it's like, he's a good kid, but he's never been in the position before. So he doesn't know how to stay chill. So it only escalates further until I was at the point where I'm like, well, now I got to, I got to write you up to the principal and say that you told me to fuck myself. And I know you're a good kid.

This should have never played out like this. You need to, you need to chill. Like some kids are just like, yeah, like yeah no i swear it wasn't exactly like those word for word but there were times where like good kids throughout the year would unintentionally escalate a scenario because they weren't like it was like the teacher it's like don't do that and then their gut reaction was to defend themselves but now they're talking back and now you're like you're talking back and they're like fuck you but like you know they're nervous and they have like a little bit of stuff

in the back of their throat and it's like you know i'm talking about it's like a really specific high school scenario but yeah it's happened quite a few times it sounds like it might have started with you being like on the level of wrong right like hey mark be quiet he was talking to me like maybe mark was quiet and like you said you're right you're right totally and you know i said mark be quiet i was wrong maybe but he was talking to me i'm like regardless no one's talking okay well i didn't fucking do anything and it's like well now you're swearing. So maybe I was wrong, but now you fucked up. Now you've done fucked up, Mark. Suck you.

Suck your mom, Mr. Harley. Suck your mom. Suck your mom's little dick. Well, now what? Now what's happening? Now you're going to suck your mom's dick, obviously. Follow instructions. Now you're going to suck your mom's little dick.

I got to jerk off to a picture of Taylor? Oh! Put it up on Reddit? Yeah, put it up on Reddit. Do a cum? put it up on reddit daddy's gonna do a cum that's just the least appealing way daddy's gonna do a cum

daddy's gonna do a cum and you got a spinny pinwheel hat on and you're acting coy about it as you're busting did you ever have a kid that was like from the second you walked in she said it did you ever have a kid that was so shitty

that like you just even though you're trying to be a good teacher you're just like oh this kid's a piece of shit like this kid's an absolute piece oh yeah those kids i was just like oh that's my karma i deserve this kid that's the one that it was but i remember like a kid being like oh i'm like that's not funny he's like sir you're old you don't know what funny is i'm like, that's not funny. He's like, sir, you're old. You don't know what funny is. I'm like, listen, bitch. I promise I'm funnier than you. I remember being your age and being unfunny like you and thinking it was funny. And I'm like, look at your friends. They're laughing because they're your friends. I'm like, none of you guys are going to be friends when you're 25.

So they're laughing at your shit jokes now because they want you to laugh at their shit jokes in art class. But take a look at the girls. Not one girl is laughing because their brains are better than yours right now. They don't find you funny. And because they don't want to fuck you. I'm good at this. I know what's funny. It's not you.

It's not you. And then I'd be like, you have to stay after class. And I'd be like, and Mark has to stay too. Because you always, when you're a male teacher and you make someone stay after class. And I'd be like, and Mark has to stay too. Because you always, when you're a male teacher and you make someone stay after class, you have to make one of their friends stay after class too. Because otherwise that kid's going to say you diddled them. Wait, you'd want to pick one of their enemies,

not one of their friends, right? Because if they're friends, it's like, yeah, he diddled both of us. We both agree. We were both there. Right? It's a good move. Yeah, I was just, I never did that. Plus you can get him bullied.

Right? You could. Just be like like this guy needs to stay behind class and the biggest bully in class needs to stay too no reason in particular i've been markers staying after you like but sir i didn't do anything i'm like yeah but your friend's probably gonna say i touched his dick so you gotta come and watch wait this sounds bad let me bring that back yeah your friend would probably accuse me you got to make sure he doesn't yes especially girls sounds like you want a three-way and i'm like well everyone's fired dude thinking back to some of the the teacher shit that like you would see like there was one teacher i remember from like my middle school who would go up behind and like give shoulder rubs to the girls sometimes. And at the time when you're like 12, 13, you're like, what? That's odd, huh?

Well, back to thinking about Pokemon. And now looking back, it's like, oh, that was like wildly inappropriate for him to be doing yeah that's a big deal giving little massages I've talked about it before my gym teacher at the time this is in high school he was a grade a USDA prime meat gazer and he would stand there was it was just I've talked about the shower before it was like a just big shower with a bunch no dividers or anything just a bunch of like the spigots or whatever all around the place the shower heads and you'd go in shower and there was like a a long corridor where you'd walk from the shower area come out grab your little your towel off the rack and then walk back to your fucking you know locker and put your clothes on and go to your next

class and this guy would stand maybe 10 12 feet like from where the towel rack was on the same wall and just lean to the side on it as you were going in and coming out. He's fully clothed. And he would be like, always yelling, boys, class starts in eight minutes. Come on. And he's just sitting there watching you as you're out naked, dicks out, flopping around, drying off. He's meat gazing a little as you're out naked, dicks out, flopping around drying off he's meat gazing a little bit

a lot bit, frankly, and then if you stayed in there too long that you were going to be late as if that's his fucking problem he would come and just look in the shower and just stare at you and be like, hey, it's time to get out of there, Taylor, you're going to be late for your next class, and that was my senior year and you're like, whoopsie, I'm so slow

coach tee hee coach coach i dropped the soap i can't reach there i i still remember though because i had that senior year and i they've had a scheduling error where i had i think it was study hall gym study hall gym as my first four classes so i doubled up on study halls and gyms i had no special education i had no reason to be there i had no reason to be there and he'd be like you're gonna be late for your next class i'd always be like hey coach my next class is study hall i can shower as long as i want and i'll see you again in an hour for another shower correction we could shower as long as they want we can shop yeah that shower. Yeah, that guy was a fucking creep.

I had a creep. Fucking creep. When I was a collegiate swimmer, the assistant coach was creepy. And this doesn't tell it by itself, but he owned a strip club, and he just gawked at the girls all the time. These are girls who worked out, like, I won't exaggerate,

four hours a day or something. Like, they were hot. These are girls who worked out, like, don't exaggerate, four hours a day or something. Like, they were hot. And sometimes he would swim underwater in the deep end and just watch them go back and forth. Watch the swimmers go over. Ew, that's extra creepy. It is. But it was all under the guise of observing their stroke, you know, so that he would have corrections for them.

Oh, that's so weird and blatantly not funny. They had, like, the opposite of a periscope that would go underwater and you could watch all the swimmers go back and forth through like binoculars. It's like a set of mirrors that would watch them observe the swimmers and their strokes in theory. But they're totally just checking out

the hottest chicks on the swim team as they went back and forth with this like mirror periscope thing where they could see underwater. I'm on this guy's side. That's a great bit. Yeah, it was creepy as fuck. although i will say on a couple of occasions actually if we won a swim meet he would take us to his strip club afterwards and we weren't even 21

but he was so crazy how old are you this guy's tight 18 19 and uh that's legal here okay yeah but so this place you had to be 21 to get in. And he would take us, he would sit us in the back, like away from the other patrons. But there's, you know, Titty's out. And we just hang out there for a little while and then go back to the dorms. That's sick.

This guy, calling him a creep is slanderous. He's cool guy of the week, maybe. He's an innovator. He's a motivator. He's cool guy of the week, maybe. He's an innovator. He's a motivator. A Steve Jobs guy. Yeah, we can go to the strip club if we lost. Yeah, that's true. That's not how things work.

You never went to Chuck E. Cheese if you lost either. Swimming is different. You can really predict who wins in swimming. People's times are pretty consistent. And the coaches just put the swimmers up against each other. There's a paper battle that the coaches do. Woody's this fast. Their guy is that fast. We've all seen each other's

times. There were hardly any ever upsets in swimming. Taylor, did you ever get those fancy pickles we were talking about? No. I was about to pull the trigger and I was like $35 for pickles. let's sleep on this um so i i got them i don't think mine were 35 did i did i do that we have an ad i think left yeah it's for pickles i'm i'm okay my

mistake i thought it was squarespace but carry on this episode of pk is brought to you by vlasic snap right in um this episode of pk is brought to you by Vlasic. Snap right in. This episode of PK is brought to you by our good friends over at Squarespace from personal blogs and e-commerce destinations to marketing tools and analytics that'll help you keep your, make your business succeed. Squarespace, well, it's the all-in-one platform where you can build and establish a beautiful online presence and run your business with ease. Don't have a domain yet?

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Create your Squarespace website today and share them with us on social media, and we'll promote them right here. I mean, that'd be a cool little thing there. Do it. Squarespace, check them out. You know the website? What are you, in the 80s? Get it done.

You got to bounce, right, Harley? Yes, I do. All right, man. it square space check them out you know my website what are you in the 80s get it done you gotta bounce right harley yes i do all right man we always enjoy having you is there anything yeah it's a great time nice connecting with you man it's been a while i was we weren't here the last time i was here yeah i was in the clink i have to come back down again sometime we all got a link up boys what are we doing snowboarding trip again what's going on i'm not allowed to leave the state for uh least 10 more months. I've been looking for a reason to come to that state. All right. All right.

Yeah, I'd be down to do something for sure. Cool. I don't know what it would be. I've been playing a lot of airsoft recently. Hey, I bought an airsoft gun and airsoft things. I like that. Yeah, I just rent one and shoot kids. I wish I did that. Yeah, I just rent one and shoot kids. I wish I did that.

It's a good time. I like running around with people who are way younger than me and shooting them with a fucking BB gun. So I've been doing that a little bit in my spare time. But yeah, I'd absolutely be down to hook up with you. I'm sure Kitty misses you. I'm sure she'd like to hang out with you. She lives really close by. Let's do it.

Yeah, I'm in Atlanta now, like in the city. So I'm not out of the country anymore. Oh, city boy. Shit, you changed, man. Yeah, man, I had to. I had to upgrade. I'm like 30 minutes from the airport, so you won't have to have some sweaty car ride before the dude's crammed in the back of the car. Oh, fuck. Still

good memories. Yeah, man, great memories. Yeah, thanks for having me, by the way, guys. Always a pleasure. Always fun. Thanks for coming. Hit me up next time whenever it's going down, baby. I guess Epic Mealtime every week. Still uploading shit. It's not Epic Mealtime. It's different.

But you've got to go check it out yourself if you want. And fb.gg slash harleymornstein is my Facebook streaming. What games are you playing? I know we didn't really touch on it, but quickly. Never Fortnite. Never Fortnite? Yeah. That's pretty much my gaming library never fortnight awesome everything else i throw i throw like i play like metal gear solid from playstation one and then like the next day i'll

play halo reach like there's no like it's just i i get down on everything if you ever want to delve into tarkov i play with some really rich guys i would love to roll with you guys because i i i don't go in alone last time i said i went with freddy guys i would love to roll with you guys because i i i don't go in alone last time i said i went with freddy all right so again i know you got to bounce but let me just quickly describe how i play the game so we play five deep five and this is kind of poo-pooed on by like some of the big streamers are like oh you gotta play solo that's hardcore it's like fuck you we play five guys deep and we play on the map where the most money can be earned, and we go in like two-man teams on top of buildings,

and we own it with thermal vision and thermal scopes, and we kill everything that approaches us, and we rarely die. And we make tons and tons of money. I've got like $30 million. I've got the most expensive goggles in the game. They're like $7 million, and I can see people's body heat. They're like thermal goggles. They're like $7 million and I can see people's body heat. They're like thermal goggles. They're everywhere I look.

Next time I stream, you guys are walking me through Tarkov. Yeah, I'd love to. If you actually want to play sometime, feel free to PM me on here. Discord's the best way to get a hold of me. I absolutely could add you to the team. We play just about every night.

Yes, please. Alright, man. Thanks for coming on about every night. Yes, please. All right, man. Thanks for coming on. Love you. Yeah, man. Glad you're out. Yeah, I'm glad I'm out.

All right. Woody, Taylor, guys, it's been great. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Come on pictures of that guy from Twitch. Say, PKA Army sent you. Don't do that, though, because I just emailed him asking if he'd come on the show and and let's

let's ease him into the real sweet kids uh way of life you know what i mean boys could just come on pictures of harley but do not give the one where he was give give strong give strong loads he'll be insulted by anything less and and i i'll ask if anybody else is going to come tribute one of us again or i guess i'm the only one just me again is you know give me a thick load show some respect you know don't beat off for a day or two before you know you had sex with your girlfriend last night sorry i guess your reddit post has to wait for two days bitch you want some you want some sublingual zinc, all right? You're going to want to get this stuff with the dropper, all right?

This is liquid zinc. You put that under your tongue, and you absorb it right into your bloodstream, boy. Right into your cumstream, yeah. What is that that you just used? It's liquid zinc. Oh, so it's not liquid zinc. My loads are

full. What is it? It's actually B12. I, so it's not liquid zinc. My loads are full. What is it? It's actually B12. I was feeling kind of low energy. Are you telling me that sounding with that has been the wrong thing all along? Yeah, this is literally liquid B12. You're just going to pee it out again. No, no. You absorb it straight into your fucking bloodstream.

No, I was saying if you sound with it, you're just going to pee it out. You do it after pee, so it has time to get into your cum so what is it it's energy i was looking i was looking for energy i i felt like uh coffee was giving me the jitters a little bit and uh i didn't want to be taking these like mid-afternoon naps for an hour so i wanted to have like a a proper sleeping schedule in that i sleep one like seven or eight hour period and then i'm up for the other 16 hours. I don't care when that happens. Yeah, like a person.

Well, yeah. Instead, I was having this thing where I'd sleep four hours at a time with four hours awake in between. So strange. It was really weird. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't sleep. Sounds awful. I think prison really messed up my sleep schedule because there was so much day sleeping trying to just like sleep the thing.

It really threw off my my path. Your groove. Yeah. Yeah. So to like try to balance that out and have like not a not like a nine to five kind of office worker fella sleep schedule, but more just a healthy sleep schedule where you sleep eight hours and then you're up for 16. healthy sleep schedule where you sleep eight hours and then you're up for 16. Um, I've been, as soon as I wake up, I, uh, I put a couple, a couple of those in my, in the bottom. I just swallowed it right there cause I wanted to get back to talking, but I usually leave it in the bottom of my mouth, like under your tongue for like a minute and you absorb it sublingually, uh, through your skin. And it really does do CBD. Yeah. Yeah. It feels like it's, it doesn't feel like jittery at all, but I don't need a nap anymore when I do that.

I did take a nap today, I told you guys, but I was up real late last night. Back to the pickles. So I ordered those pickles. I don't think they were $35. I'm going to my Amazon. I was probably being hyperbolic, I don't recall. I just know it was an enormous amount of pickles. So it's a big ass jar, right? It's a 30 ounce jar for $18.

Man, I don't know if these are the best pickles. I'm not loving them. How many have you had so far? I've eaten a quarter of the jar. Um, so I just get them out of there and I like this fucking munch on them. Um, but what I did to these that made them so much better is I poured out about a quarter of the liquid and I replaced it with with like I had a jar of dill pickles. And I poured that in there and dill pickles are more sour. And this is more like a dull burn. These are habanero dill pickles. Yeah. Yeah.

They were too spicy for you. They were not too spicy. They I just wanted some sour, too. I wanted like hot and sour. You want that vinegary tang, yeah. Yeah, and they didn't have enough of that, I didn't feel like. It was kind of, there wasn't enough vinegaryness to them, and they're not all that hot. Like, it's a real dull burn. Like, I can just munch on them all the time. And they're tasty. But, you know. I don't know. I watched this thing.

I've been watching this guy on YouTube a lot. I think it's Bon Appetit. And his channel is called, like, or his, like, segment is called It's Alive. And let me get his actual name because he's so fucking cool. And if you guys want to go down, like, a whole rabbit hole with this guy. Let's get him on the show. I mean, I would so be down to have this guy on the show I wish he would come on I would love to his name is Brad he goes by Brad

whatever his full name is God knows but he's on this he's on the Bon Appetit YouTube channel and he works at like America's Test Kitchen or whatever in New York and they do all sorts of like cooking projects well they also do like these cool adventures. Like I watched one today where he went to Kentucky with this,

this Canadian YouTube cooking star named, I think it's Matty Matheson. He's that big fat guy with all the tattoos who like screams and goes crazy. Probably not aware of him because you're not into cooking as much as I am. But this Brad guy, very chill chill very like likable guy and he goes on cooking adventures and he also cooks right there in like his test kitchen in new york so like he'll teach you how to make your own pickles or your own sauerkraut or like a fancy sandwich or something but then he'll go on this adventure to like hawaii and he'll spearfish and whatever they catch spear fishing, he'll cook it up in a fancy way. Or I watch him go.

I watch him go noodling in Oklahoma. They noodle out a couple of big catfish. They don't cut anything out. You know, they butcher these catfish. It's very bloody. And then they fry them up and they fucking make these nice catfish sandwiches. That sounds great. Catfish is harder to clean than regular fish. Yeah, there's a there's a process for sure they've got skin

rather than scales and then i watched him go up to um the northeast and do oysters he went to the oyster farm and like learned like from start to finish how you farm oysters and then you know they crack some oysters up and slurp them down really likable guy like once you start watching him like you'll i really like this guy like like he's a really chill likable fun uh good personality he went crabbing in alaska you know he's on the crab boat throwing the hook and baiting the pods up and everything uh he does he has a really cool show there on on youtube i YouTube this is like a couple months ago now I went to a friend's house for some party I got real drunk

we were back home and I just before I had my cool ass setup here when I was still using my laptop and you know how you'll open your laptop the next morning and all of your drunken, silly browser history is there? It was just five tabs open,

each of a different video of 18th century cooking. And that was it. It's like, man, Drunk Taylor really wanted to learn about hard tech at one in the morning last night. And then he, oh, and look at that. There's aipedia page for hard tech pulled up in a history of it's like it's like you just look back and you're like how was i that fascinated by it but i know at the time i'm like man this is sick this is the coolest

oh this guy's gonna make a lamb stew that he's dressed up like a pilgrim that kind of shit yeah That guy's channel rocks. Hardtack's interesting. It reminded me of the MRE guy that we were talking about before the show. He also did a Hardtack episode, but he ate the legit Civil War Hardtack out of a can or some shit.

And the can was rotted through. Yeah. We were talking about guests before the show. Guests each of us would like to get. And for me, right now, i really want to get pastilli um and i really want to get honestly i want to get the mre review guy i want to see what he's about even if we just get him for an hour yeah like like i don't know what he's about i want to know who he is to me he's just this first of all he's fit he's a military man i was i don't know if he's a military man oh he's definitely fit like like like i feel like you know you can connect on that level, he's a military man. I was, I don't know if he's a military man, but he's definitely fit. Like, like, like, like, I feel like, you know, you can connect on that level.

Cause he's got some fucking guns. Like every time I see him fucking like cracking open him at NMRE, it's like, God damn, you connect on that level. Taylor, do you see guys? Hello, fellow bicep haver. Yeah, no, no, because it's usually like, I'll look at someone like him and be like, ah, we probably have a similar bmi ah just me and you me with my jiggly muscles and you with your static ones we're one in the same

fair enough but i i find it i find it but i cannot lift him i find his videos very interesting i find his personality to be pretty fucking cool. He seems real chill about what he does and everything. And I'd like to know, dude, how do you get into this? How does this become? Because he's very successful, seemingly. He gets a lot of views. Turns out, autism.

Maybe. Before this, it was trains. Oh, and Blade. I want to get blade on um i think blade expressed some kind of interest about coming on the show i'd like to talk to blade i'd like to catch up with blade about like you know the old days you know i talked about last week about you know me him and um yeah i mean we were all there you weren't taylor but like right did you say i'm talking about the seattle well yeah we were all there in boston uh i'm thinking about seattle though at pax prime when uh when we were at it was like a cow what is what is that movie

i wasn't there either taylor he was there what he was there i really wasn't you weren't at the bar with the with the fucking like people riding the electronic bull I was not no I've never been to PAX Prime or Seattle really yeah he's just injecting memento style I was very drunk but I could have sworn that you were there at at PAX Prime there Seattle's better than Seattle. I like how Woody doubled down. I've never been to a PAX Prime and I would never step foot in Seattle. I could have sworn you were there. That degenerate shithole.

I will not. I remember thinking like Woody's... I have a whole fake memory about this. That's great. It's one of those... I know what it is. You're not thinking of Boston and attributing it to Seattle? No, no, 100,000%. Because we went to a Coyote Ugly style bar,

where the girls dance on the bar that work there, and they pour shots. Oh, cool. It was cool. It's more like burlesque than strip. They're just wearing booty shorts and those tops that are tied in the front like a handkerchief or whatever know, they're just wearing like booty shorts and like those tops that are like tied in the front, like a handkerchief or whatever. And they're dancing on the bar, like in cowboy boots.

And there's a mechanical bull over in the side. And Blade and I are buying everybody shots, like our whole YouTube group. And he buys a round and I buy a round. And we're both buying the same thing, which is Jaeger bombs. You know, it's half Jaeger Meister and half Red Bull. If only I'd known then

what I was contributing to. But I told that whole story last week. White Boy was there. It was a weird night. We saw the Ghostbusters Ectomobile or whatever. It drove by playing the Ghostbusters theme music. That's pretty cool. I hope these aren't fake memories

that somehow I have. You've been MKUltra'd. I've been MKUltra'd. I've been MKUltra'd this whole Seattle trip. Woody was there. I could have sworn. I just remember. I had this whole memory. I just love the finality of

I've never been to Seattle. I haven't been there. Actually, I can add other details. I had never met White Boy 7th Street. After Kyle got back, he told me what he was like off camera. Yeah. Wow.

I have this whole memory of being like, what he's really behaving himself around these cow girls. You know what? He's being very respectful. I have that in my head that you were like that, that you were a little bit like, Oh, I don't know about being here with these cow girls.

I don't know about this. And you know, I think I'll step over it. I have that memory somehow. Even in Kyle's fake memory, you're very polite and respectable. Even in my fake memory, he's a real nice gentleman. I don't know.

Nothing like the way you treated that outback lady. Wow! He smacked her so hard. What if that was another implanted memory? I can see implanted memory you know i don't mean to cause a fuss but i did want uh i wanted sugar-free tea you know we did go on outback together once but i don't think i was mean to any waitress it was at the the jr peters in livonia georgia that you um that's not even true that's not even true yeah no at that point

the whole like what he's mean to waitresses meme was like in alive and well and kicking and Patrick I don't know if you still watch the show um I enjoyed spending that week with you out in the wilderness but you were there and you saw what went down um i'm not sure it wasn't me at all i was extra i was even like on good behavior because i knew that they were like looking for like me to do anything that would slight this interest let me know when you're finished i'm done so anyway patrick you were there with us on that day on that evening i'm not even gonna go to chis because i feel like maybe maybe somebody will feel like maybe you don't want to believe Chiz for whatever reason. But Patrick is, what do you call that when someone is unaffiliated?

He is an unaffiliated third party. That's what I'm looking for. That's true. I would like to hear Patrick's take on this. Patrick, I would love to hear your take on Woody versus the waitress in Livonia, Georgia at, I believe it's called J.R. Peters. It's a little steak restaurant that exists there. I'd love to hear your take. I won't give mine.

I won't give it. I won't give it because I just admitted that clearly my memories can be tainted. However, this is not one of those tainted memories. This is crystal clear. I remember exactly what was said. I'm pretty sure it's on video somewhere on your channel nonetheless. And I would love to hear from you, Patrick. If someone can reach out to Patrick, I don't know if he watches the show regularly anymore or whatever. First of all, buddy, enjoyed your spending time. We don't know if he watches the show regularly anymore or whatever. First of all, buddy, enjoyed your spending time with me. I don't know if I ever told you.

Great having you on that survival trip. You were a real trooper. It was a crazy time. Thank you very much. But most of all, I really want to hear your take on what transpired that evening. I'd love to hear it. And I'll abide

by whatever he says. That works for me too. I probably won't to hear it and i'll abide by whatever he says that works for me too i i probably won't i'm gonna go with mine because of what he says but yeah i feel like i remember it really well i i wasn't bad it wasn't bad they were just snapped on her that is so not true at all like a slim jam oh no here's what i like i was on the phone when she came to get i was talking to jackie and i was like standing like i when she came to get. I was talking to Jackie. That was like standing. I wasn't by the table, but it was time to order. So I like sort of Jackie.

Hold on a second. Didn't give her attention. Ordered steak. And I was like, you know, I think whatever six ounce filet. And then like there was like there was no hit it back. There's no nothing. And I asked, I swear as nicely as I could. I was like, are there any questions that come with that like sides temperature whatever and uh um i don't know then

i like told her my sides and that was it like there was no conflict there's no story there's no thing that happened and kyle's laughing but kyle's memory is flawed i just admitted that i have indeed had at least one flawed memory. I thought you were on that trip. I really did. I don't know who I thought, who is like filling in your role in that trip, but there's an individual. But on this trip, I remember it this way. Phone was to your ear.

Yeah. And you gave her that order, like the way you described telling a barber how you want a haircut. You know, you were, you were, you're like, and,

and I want to say that she wanted to know how you wanted it cooked or something like that. And you were like, any questions? No, no, no. Why would I even do that? There's no motivation for that.

How would you like your steak cooked? Listen, cunt. That doesn't even make sense. I have been rude to a waitress before. I have been rude to a waitress before. And just sit back for like 15 minutes. I've seen it.

Yeah. Look, I'll fully admit when I'm rude to a waitress. After that survival trip, we had a terrible waitress. And I was having a fucking meltdown. And it was because I'd spent five days eating very little food, dreaming about the steak that was to come and and you know the whole meal oh there'll be a salad and it'll be blue cheese dressing and it'll be like a sweet tea because i want some sugar and i want fucking you know this

steak rare and i want i'm gonna put steak sauce on it to make it even richer and she was fucking up and i was very rude to her fully admitted here admit it. Here's how I remember that. I was doing it on purpose. The waitress was very nice. Woody is unintentionally rude. The waitress was really nice. And I was like, cool, I understood it and I get it. If on a scale of one to ten, five is normal delivery time, right?

She was a little slower. She was like a three. Now, she was like not mean or abusive or whatever it was just like we ordered drinks and four minutes have gone by or whatever like the appetizers were 25 minutes late and she was unattractive say no more i don't think they were that slow let me explain explain. This was a Texas Longhorns, I believe, in Commerce, Georgia. Something like that, yeah. In case you're curious.

Full of attractive waitresses. I mean, like, 95% of the waitresses in this place, you were like, ooh, she's a seven plus. You know, somewhere between a seven and an eight. You know, these are all nice looking, fit young ladies between the age of like 20 and fucking 24. And here came this hog to serve us our slop fucking.

She failed miserably at everything she did. Like, like I felt like I wasn't getting refills. Our appetizers were so late and we ordered appetizers. I don't remember her being unattractive either. I remember that crystal clear. I remember remarking on that. I remember envisioning

meaty lips. I remember being like, look at all the hot ladies in here. Look at every other waitress but ours. We got a single pig in the sty. Everybody, every other woman here is not just attractive, but fucking hot. Every one of these waitresses, I wish that she were

giving me things. I want to talk to these ladies. And we got this hog of a cunt over here, unable to perform. I was this close to doing the most disrespectful, horrible thing I can think of doing, and that was pushing my drink onto the, off the table and spilling it on purpose, ice glass straw and full liquid. And being like, just to,

just to force her to have to show back up. It had been so long. I was so close. I was so, I thought the whole thing was hilarious. I was patient. I didn't have any problems. Kyle's melting the freak out.

Losing it. Sometimes it's worth it having bad service if you're with someone who's having a shit fit about it because then you get to watch it. I'm sure I was entertaining myself. The funniest difference, what I'm trying to explain here is I'll tell you when I'm being an asshole. See, he's doing the

Jon Jones thing, right? People think I'm an asshole. I'll tell you, Kobe Covington, that's an asshole. He's trying to add credibility to him calling me an asshole by admitting that he's been one. I'm not perfect.

I put up with my fair share of shit, but when that fat cunt came over there and took too long to bring my drink there, I was about to have my secret service killer. This thing was all born from that dude in Chicago who took like, it was literally like 40 minutes to get drinks. Drinks.

What an asshole. Right? And I had a soda, but I guess other people had alcohol and he wasn't allowed to get the alcohol, so he just held back everybody's drinks until he could get someone else. And I don't know why it takes so long to get someone to serve alcohol at a bar. I guess they mailed away for it or something.

But like that was a situation where I don't know if I don't believe me, folks, if I said anything quotable. But don't believe attitude behind it. Don't believe Chiz. We'll see what patrick says but at this point that legend had grown to the waiter i was mean to in chicago and it was this big thing so we get to georgia and they're just like waiting for it let's see what woody's gonna do and uh he turned i was like like a six ounce sirloin or whatever and she's not hitting it back and like are there any questions that like go with that because i don't know if i

can get back on the phone or not and he turns it into this like snappy mean thing questions why would i do that i don't know we were all shocked questions man no if you keep recording i always bring my loaded gun into Long Johnston. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait to see who's gaslighting us. I promise you. I promise you. Look, look.

I'll abide by whatever Patrick says. Not me. I'm sure I'm right. I'm not doing it. I'll abide by what Patrick says. Because he's the third witness who has one point of view to the one witness who has the other. Because I'm going to tell you right now, Chiz will co-sign all of this. Chiz isn't listening right now.

Just add him right now in the chat below. What happened at J.R. Peters in Livonia? You'll get exactly what I said. Well, but we need a neutral party. And we're going to get one. We're going to get one in Patrick and I'll bet cash money. I'll bet bitcoins and gold and GP

coins. These are all Tarkov items, by the way. This is a little joke for me. He's going to corroborate my site. I think he will too. Not because it's true, but because he was all excited about it when he was there.

They were all acting like I was insane, and I'm like, I don't even know what you guys are talking about. And I'm talking to Jackie, and she's like, I don't know why they're... What could this mean, Woody? Jackie was on the phone and she's like, you didn't say or do anything either. Why are they all like... It's because... Shut up, bitch! Listen to my story! The legend had become this meme at the time, and they all like it's because the legend had become the legend had

become this meme at the time and they were like hard scoping me looking for anything to act like i was being bad that's that's where it was by the time we went there okay this is a fun topic to bring up when i want to like just chill for 15 minutes you know i'm not trying to point fingers i'm not trying to be argumentative i'm i just i just see it like i see it i saw it like i saw it i saw you reenacted any questions it wasn't like that it wasn't like that at all snap there was this questions there was this abruptness and she was like she recoiled and that's me joking she didn't recoil she didn't she didn't look like she was afraid but she was like yeah you know like everybody there was a weird like social thing that happened there because i i ordered uh whatever six inch sirloin

maybe i gave medium rare and then there was no like like like you couldn't even tell if she had heard me you know it just sort of emptied into this like vacuum and that's when i was like are there any like follow-up questions started building no they're really i wasn't mad um i wasn't mad there were i just didn't know if i was done ordering and you guys can imagine put yourself in this situation like when you order if you order a big mac then you know where that ends right i want a big mac i want a drink i want a small fry and and like you know you've given your order if you order a steak and you say i want a steak and i want it you know medium rare and then they don't have like then it just ends there and what would you like your side to be is usually usually? Sure. Or six or eight ounce, right?

Might be another question they could ask her. Like, you know, I just don't know if I'm done ordering or not. And I asked her, I asked her if there were any questions or any follow-up questions or something like that. But I didn't yell at her.

I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't angry. Like, I was having a fine day. Like, everything was normal and okay. It's just that I put my order for a steak in and there's usually some sort of followup, like hit it back.

you know, like, like it's, it's that, that's how it goes. And I swear what's happening. This is true. People.

I was mean to a waiter in Chicago and it turned into this like legend of Woody, the staff abuser. And, and it's not limited to these two events. It is. I don't know what other events we're talking about. I don't know. I'm afraid there's another one out there, though.

Now Woody's like, yes, it is. I'm almost... You know what? Yes, it is. I'm like 30% sure that's just those two. Now you've got a Hillary Clinton your way through this. I do not recall that specifically. It's going to not testify at all. It's just not testify. I do not recall.

You mean like with a cloth? Kyle. UFC question. So Conor McGregor is officially on standby for what is the biggest fight of 220 perhaps. Ferguson versus Khabib. Yeah. Because this fight has fallen apart four times out of the four times they tried to schedule it already.

At least 350. So I'm asking you your preference. Do you want the fight to go through as scheduled? And if not, which one do you want to miss the fight? So Conor jumps in. Ooh. Man, that's a tough question so all right so what my least favorite option is connor versus khabib again right away agreed um my favorite option honestly is the fight to go through but in the middle is definitely a

connor versus tony um which would be fascinating agreed on all on all counts. Yeah, I'd like to see that. Yeah, I look, I love Conor. I'm Conor's biggest fan, you know, but I do want to see Tony versus Khabib. They've been dancing around this for literally like three or four years or something like that. Four failed engagements so far over a myriad of problems, you know,

freak accidents really and sort of unheard of things happening, everything from kidney failure to, um, the injury, ripping a guy's, um, tendons off the bone, ligaments off the bone. So I really want to see that fight happen. Um, however, I mean, Connor stepping in in either place would be a better seller frankly like like it it really would like like nobody would say hey i paid for connor i paid for khabib versus tony and i'm getting connor versus well shit i'd have paid more for that all right let's go the only but i do prefer khabib versus tony as my number one um because because of all the reasons i just mentioned however connor versus tony would

be fascinating because what if connor wins what what's the next fight i guess khabib it's imagine even i'll agree that imagine his title shot if he beats ferguson imagine what happens to tony's psyche oh that's where you're going yeah yeah the well it's the usada testers in the walls if you want some real entertainment folks forget connor rematching with khabib the real entertainment is how tony reacts if he let's just just say he gets a cut in practice. All right? You recover from that six weeks, 100%. He gets cut.

He can't fight Khabib. Or excuse me. Yeah, you said it right. I actually didn't. Let's say Khabib gets a cut. He can't fight Tony. Conor fights Tony and fucking starches him a la Jose Aldo. Like he comes in there, in and out, in and out.

Boom. And he drops Tony Ferguson away. We've never even seen half of the Tony Ferguson. And Conor, it looks like fucking Conor of five years ago. And he's talking so much shit in the ring. And he's screaming about like the Muslim Brotherhood and terrorism. He takes that fucking Sherpa hat or whatever the hell Khabib wears, and he fucking spits on it and stomps on it.

And all of his boys come out dressed like leprechauns and do this crazy river dance on top of a Russian flag. And he just says, I'll be here. You say any place, any time anytime i'll be right here waiting and you're just like well tony's fucked dude tony is not getting his his his khabib fight anymore tony is relegated to fighting the the i don't know the michael johnson's of the world once again i don't know who he'd fight next but tony would something would happen inside tony's head that that that that we're not prepared for an actual super villain he would become the night stalker or

some shit like like he would he would become a super villain it would break him that's what i want to happen frankly um that's that's the most ideal scenario. Um, no, the most ideal scenario is Khabib versus Tony. Cause I want to see that play out. I feel like Tony deserves that shot so much. He never lost his fucking title.

He was the fucking champ. They just took it away. Cause he got a bullshit in the injury working for them. And, and I didn't like that and I still don't like it. And I, I'm, I'm,

I'm fascinated by tony and i dislike khabib to some degree and i want to see them fight it's weird so tony won a belt and khabib won a belt but neither of them beat the champ to get it correct and neither of them beat i thought like a good enough so tony if you don't remember, beat Kevin Lee to get his belt. And Khabib beat Al Iaquinta. That's right. And Iaquinta was ranked 11th. I don't know what Kevin Lee was ranked at the time. But since then, that win didn't age that well because Kevin went on to lose like his next one and his next one and his next one.

He has staph infection perpetually. Yeah. So a win that looked okay as a championship win. Didn't beat the champ, but you did beat someone good. Didn't age well. And Khabib has since gone on to beat Conor and anyone else? Who am I missing? Oh, Dustin Poirier.

He beat Poirier. Yeah, yeah. So now his belt, like in my eyes, is like fully legitimized. He's beaten a lot of tough guys. He's cool. Ferguson, it's like, huh, how was that belt he had? He never lost it to a person, but he never

earned it either. It's the win streak. Yeah. It's the opponents that he's dominated. The way he did Cowboy. And look, people keep saying Cowboy is washed up or whatever. I think if you look at his opponents that he's lost to this last, whatever he's lost,

I don't know, three out of five or four out of seven or whatever. Man, he you look at his opponents that he's lost to this last, whatever he's lost, I don't know, three out of five or four out of seven or whatever. Man, he's been hoeing a rough what do they say? A rough row to hoe? A rough row to hoe. Yeah, because he's been hoeing a rough row there. Cowboy's a real fighter.

He still is. He's not over the hill. He's just been fighting the best of the best and he's like a top five guy, not a top two guy. He's not over the hill. He's just been fighting the best of the best, and he's like a top five guy, not a top two guy. He's just been fighting some fucking top five guys, I feel like, when he's taken a lot of these losses. And again, there's been a new cowboy for the last year or so. He came out really strongly, and he's looked different. He's looked better.

I'm not with you at the end there. So the last two he lost to was Justin Gaethje Who's a legit tough guy Super legit Before that Tony Ferguson As legit as it gets But they're both losses And he lost to him in the second round for Tony

First round for Justin And before that he had a win streak against Aquinta, Alex Hernandez, and Mike Perry The Aquinta win was big I thought Because we just had seen Ally Aquinta go the distance, essentially, with the champ. Like, show so much heart. And Cowboy destroyed him.

He outclassed him at every turn in that fight. He bloodied him. He beat him down. It wasn't even close. Yeah, so Cowboy lost his last two, but they were tough guys. He won the three before that. They were just below the top level. And then before that,

he lost four out of his last five. Yeah. I mean, he, he fights so much. Yeah, it's true. He fights so much.

Like, like, like, like, but I, I think, I think Cowboy's a pretty legit fighter. You know,

they're winning me over. So they do this for people who aren't fight fans. Hang in there with me. They play my games in the gaslight. You, so you've got one guy who's like the legend right this guy's clearly gonna win everyone agrees this guy's gonna win they were upset that he decided to fight cowboy because cowboy wasn't on connor's level right as for all the troubles connor's had lately they're like what you pick this what is he 37 uh 30 he will be 37 when they fight. He's 36 now. You pick this going to be 37-year-old guy who's lost his last two fights. You couldn't have chosen an easier win

without going really illegitimate, right? That was the initial thing. Now I hear them talk about it, talk about all the ways that Cowboy can win. How Cowboy has a ground game. Cowboy has a ground game. Cowboy has a striking game. Cowboy has a kicking game. Conor only has a left hook. Conor is really the underdog in this thing. And they got me like, oh, I guess so. I was wrong all this time. Conor McGregor is the actual unskilled opponent in this match, not the guy who's been losing and is 37 years old. And I don't know anymore. And they do it to you, and sometimes it works.

Yeah, yeah, I agree 100%. Man, it's going to be a great year for him. Conor only has a left hook? All Pavarotti could do was sing. What an untalented dick, you know? And Conor's got more. Conor's got kicks. Conor was destroying Nate diaz with those kicks for for the first two rounds of uh of that rematch like like it was

shocking to me that nate didn't just continue i i still to this day like go go re-watch that fight like like and the first two rounds connor is leg kicking n Nate in a way that like the best leg kick. It clearly, that was his training camp. They were like, look, we're going to cripple this guy. He's not going to be inside dirty boxing.

You like, like he was last time. He's not going to rough you up. He's not going to want to be close to you. Cause we're going to cripple him. And that's what they did. And it worked. He was crippled at the end of round two.

You're right. He comes out and it's like, they shot him He was crippled at the end of round two. You're right. He comes out and it's like they shot him up with morphine in the corner. And he does. I swear to God, like, like, I don't think Nate cheats. I don't think Nate's on steroids. Nobody does. But I feel like somebody shot him up with something in that fucking round two. I would, I'd put $10 on it for sure.

Cause he came out and it was like, wait a minute. He limped to that stool. 60 seconds elapsed. And now he's froggy. You know, now he's fucking bouncing. And he's coming inside. It didn't make any sense to me. It was like a movie or something.

When the character's just like, I'm real mad now. So pain doesn't work. His conditioning is legendary. Both the Diaz brothers, really. Yeah, but the pain. He was... Right? Like, he was like...

It seems related, though, right? People who are in really, like, next-level shape seem to come back after that kind of abuse. I don't know. I'd never seen it before. Like, what I always see with those leg kicks in particular is like, oh, no. Like, if it's my guy and he's getting a leg kicked,

every one of them, I'm just like, oh, like oh buddy that took your hp bar just went down and rogan if you hear him call the fight he's always giving a ton of respect to those leg kicks very few fights are won by leg kicks and if it wasn't for rogan telling you i've been kicked in the leg i don't know why i'm saying this like it hurts and it everything he says is true but somehow in a fight like people think pain doesn't work in a fight like some fighters think that injuries go away like yeah yeah one of those things that's way more painful than it looks yeah and how there's stuff that's way less painful you can see sometimes the the welts and it looks the redness beyond welts but some of these guys just mind over matter leg kicks and it appears that nate's one of those guys and it's it's neat to see that's why i like fighting

that's why these guys have it like talent and cardio and preparation all that but their spirit is the neatest thing to see it's a like a a fighter's spirit that exists on a level that like you go all week you won't meet another guy who has that kind of resistance and won't say no, won't quit kind of attitude. And that's, those are the fights that I like the most. The Colby Covington Usman fight happened just recently. There was that, you know, I'm a bigger Colby fight, Colby, I think, Colby fan than I was before that fight, even though he lost that spirit oh my gosh you know if he could have he would have gone back out and tried again right on the spot yeah

yeah he he's got a lot of heart um i i was just watching him edson barboza i know has won at least once to leg kicks like like the guy was yeah pat barry used to win a lot to leg kicks too fucking done buddy fucking done stop it. I got leg kicked once. Never again. Not a fan. Never again. You know it seems shitty. I've never been leg kicked because I don't put myself in this situation. People compare it to getting hit with a baseball bat and that's a little hyperbole but

it's like getting hit with it's like getting hit with a big piece of bamboo. Like a shin bone sized. And they swung it real hard with one hand and they hit you right above the knee on the outside of your leg. And it stings really bad. And you're just like,

it's one of those pains that like you feel come up your chest and like around the back of your neck into those muscles, the muscles that are like behind your skull. And you're just like, I need a deep breath to even process that pain. of your neck into those muscles, the muscles that are like behind your skull. And you're just like, I need a deep breath to even process that pain. I'm not gonna cry. I mean, this isn't crying pain.

I'm too manly to cry. This is overwhelming, full body is feeling what happened down there kind of pain. And I didn't get kicked by a fucking professional fighter. I got kicked by some asshole in Athens, Georgia georgia i got kicked by remember andy on this came on the show a couple times joe's friend pro fighter that was a real kick yeah he was well he fights at 125 right so i'm a lot heavier than him and his leg kicks were so fucking effective against me he could do them at will you it's hard to describe how you like i couldn't see them coming

he would just teleport his leg onto his foot onto my leg and and suddenly it's hit and i've got plenty of other things to worry about he's better me with the hands the feet and the grappling so all of these things are of concern and uh anyway he got the best of me every second of the of the spar but afterwards the other people at the gym were like yeah that that was just impolite of you to bull impolite of him to bully you like that i was about to say and look and i think this further bolsters what i said about that waitress earlier i call him like i see him and when i saw andy kicking woody i thought you're a pussy andy you're afraid of a guy like Woody

who's had a couple years of boxing when he was younger and now he's just in here having a good time with his friends and you're having to keep him at bay with these leg kicks that he has no experience with because you're actually afraid

that Woody might actually embarrass you if you trade hands with Woody. And that's what I think. That wasn't going to happen, I'm sure. Look, look, look. It might not have happened. I agree. Probably not the most likely outcome, but I feel like he had a little bit of fear in him because he knew who you were. He knew it was being recorded and he knew that if you caught him with whatever boxing skill you have, which is not rudimentary, it's somewhere between rudimentary and some sort of moderate level. You know,

you're a four out of 10 boxer. You know, if 10 is Mike Tyson is one is like someone who's never had a bit of training. You're a four out of 10 boxer. He knew that if you caught him, semi pro Andy, buddy of professional mixed martial artists, and you put it on the internet for a million people to see, it would be humiliating.

And he was afraid of that. I don't think this is realistic. He wouldn't be afraid to fight you, and he was afraid of that i don't think this is realistic he wouldn't be afraid to fight you but he was terrified embarrassed by you putting it so kindly you wouldn't know i'm putting it 100 you wouldn't have to you know and kyle's not saying you'd have to win the fight he's saying even let's say he went for a leg kick and you were you not even paying attention to the leg kick went for a a big right punch, and you actually landed and stunned him and knocked him down. Even if he beats your ass the rest of the fight, the clip's going to be YouTuber knocks professional fighter

on his ass in front of the whole gym. And that's what he was probably afraid of. I think Kyle's right. I'll go this far. You know how Jon Jones has gathered some respect by beating the other guy at what that other guy is good at. He out-wrestled Chael Sonnen. He outstruck everybody.

Andy didn't do that to me. Andy picked the spot where he had the hugest skill gap and just wrecked me with it. And, you know. Andy played dirty. Andy played dirty. I don't know about that. If I were to compete in sports against either of you, I would go all out. Look, Andy's a nice guy.

I'm not saying that Andy's not a nice guy. And I actually even understand why he did that because this is his profession. It's like that scene in 300. What? Spartans! What is your profession? This is Andy's profession.

It would be like, I don't know. I don't know what the comparison would be. But if Andy came in and sort of beat you up in COD, you'd be like, shit, this is looking bad. Yeah. Andy's a fighter he doesn't i play this shit four hours a day every fucking day and he's destroying right now right you might go play hardcore because like you because like or you might go play like your game type of choice right you wouldn't what andy did was he picked Cod 4, Bog, M16, fucking 1v1, and he made sure that he was going to come out of there with a victory

because he knew that if he lost to Syndicate, a.k.a. Woody, then it could be a career ender. Wow, we went there. Yeah, if I went to a men's league with you, Woody, and we were both out there, and I'm my goalie stuff here, and not even men's league, just we're out at a free skate, I am making sure that while it's being recorded, the whole first 40 minutes, you're taking shots from the point,

you're getting tired, you're wearing yourself out, and then at the very end, it's like, all right, time for the breakaway competition. Oh, I'm feeling fresh. I'm feeling good. Oh, Woody, sorry. You mean me dishing the puck way far away from you to return it hasn't been helpful the whole time yeah i felt like i watched that video i watched that video and i felt that was dirty the way that

he did you i and i felt like honestly i felt like it was cowardly um the way the way he did you and you don't have to co-sign that i understand you don't have to co-sign that. I understand. You don't have to co-sign that at all. But my opinion was that this is his profession and he has someone who is a noob coming in. And it would be like if we were going to have a friendly 1v1, for example. I'm going back to COD references. We're going to have a 1v1 and you've never played Call of Duty.

I take you to shipment and I run dead silence when you don't even have the perk unlocked. That's what it's like. And I'm sound whoring you hard and wall banging you through crates. You borderline cheated to beat a guy who you had every advantage over, essentially, except for a little bit of size. But he's so skillful that that didn't really matter. He was afraid you were going to embarrass him on the internet.

And so he punished you with leg kicks. You know who was more punishing? Joe's brother. I was just grappling with Danny. I'm not going to say anything about Joe's brother. Because he'll come get me. Joe's brother, he put a lump on my head with his elbow. We're not striking, by the way.

But he elbowed my head so hard. Joe's brother was justified. He did nothing wrong. I had like half a baseball coming out of my head. Please don't hurt me like you did those men in the park. The other professional fighters are like, whoo, that's a whopper.

I'm just like, what? This isn't normal around here? When's your bout? Do you see anybody else with one of these no no because it doesn't happen often i was the only one yeah and it was the only one there who's not a professional fighter yeah and dropping bows on you before i rolled with him too i was like all right like you see this wrist with the with the red armband on it recently broken so chill on that and like you know we're friends right he's like yep yep got it

this man has no mercy in him like i could have done all seen those videos of him and joe rolling yeah and that's his brother the man he probably loves most in the world and he the first thing he does is throws a wicked leg kick and starts throwing fucking hooks that is unbelievably rude you need to invite that guy to a nice little hockey. Oh, you don't know how to skate? Well, I'll keep it no contact for the first four seconds. Because that's how long it takes me to get up to speed.

Oh, you don't even know enough about this sport to know that elbows aren't a lot. Well, perfect. I'm going to fucking knock your ass out. He's from Boston. He's probably better at hockey, too. I learned to fight playing hockey. From now on, we only swim wrestle. This is my best chance.

They call me Aquaman in a pin. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't bet against Joe's brother on anything. Joe's brother could have been a fucking pro fighter if he had his ducks in the ufc in a row i mean yeah but you know you know what i mean yeah he could have had a longer career yeah yeah um i never i don't think i ever met him was he at the wedding if so i was at the wedding yeah yeah i think i was afraid of him literally dude i i always want like like a little bit you know? Like he offered me whatever he was drinking, right? And I don't know what it was, something from a dark bottle.

I'm sure it's strong as fuck. And, you know, it's not like a glass of it. He's like, do you want a swig from this bottle that I'm drinking from? And it's like, no, that's okay, right? You're not going to count him a Gregory in the head. If I still know him, he's going to feed me like a baby. Right? No, no, no.

A swig. No, two swigs. Two swigs. Yeah. Oh, my favorite. He's just afraid of getting beat up. I enjoy his company. I like Danny.

He's nice to hang out with. I hung out with him at the wedding for a while. But there was a piece of me that was like but don't fuck up don't fuck this up because he'll he'll hurt me yeah he's a rough he's a rough man i don't like to hang out with people like that like the like i just remember being in the park in boston this me woody and joe and joe telling stories about that guy and it's like he kind of still got a street fight and like he won with professional fight hooray he didn't just win i want to say that he like killed severely concussed there were multiple men and i i'm pretty sure one had a broken arm and one had a concussion yeah there's a i don't know

if they would agree with this but like like let's, for example, that I was in a street fight and all my opponents were young ladies. There's a level of restraint that maybe I should have, right? When I'm fighting Danny, I'm a young lady. Have a little kindness on me. You only have to win by it. You only have to win by it enough. He faces off against Woody and all I can hear in his head,

and they say that a hero could save us. He just says, kill, kill, kill. It's a challenge of your masculinity. I treat every fight like it's Brock Lesnar. You only have one speed. I'm just thankful he's not gay, because if he was, there's nothing I could do about it. Couldn't stop the rape.

No, absolutely. He would have absolutely blasted you, and could do about it. Couldn't stop the rape. No. Absolutely. And you would have had to thank him for the privilege. Or I get two. If nothing else, I'm more manly after this rape, sir. But don't think we won't judge him on his cum. Breed me with your alpha cum, sir. That's a good clip. I want

that as a soundboard should we get a soundboard from the show i want that as a every time you get a text message i want sorry work emails that's HR again. Let's do what they want. I'll voice off my ass about something. Well, you guys want to call it a show?

Yeah. I think so. I think so. Let us know in the comments, maybe, or wherever you guys let us know things. I prefer the YouTube comments. Who do you like for maybe a future guest? Again, the three that are on the top of my mind,

and you guys fill in if you have anybody who's like your guy. I really want Pastilli. I feel like he's the ex-firefighter in a country that's burning right now. Army rifleman for seven or eight years, I don't recall. Grown man, full life, full of stories. About to tour all of Europe, uprooting his whole life and touring every country before he settles down and has children. He's number one

on Twitch right now. Almost 75,000 people are watching him right now. Right now. He's my number one. My number two is the MRE guy who just eats weird food and fucking tells us how it is. I'm interested in him. Brad from Bon Appetit

would be way up there. I'd love to have that guy, but I don't think he's kind of a big fish. Who was my third? I think it was also one of your suggestions, too. Who could I send? Are we thinking of Blade? Blade, of course. Of course, Blade.

I'd like to get Blade on, even if it's just for an hour or whatever. I'd like to catch up with Blade and talk to him about what's going on with his health you know i'm not looking to do an intervention if this gets back to blade that's not what we're looking to fucking do here i'm gonna bust your balls over fuck it make it a drinking episode well well one of us can't i'll drink a lot of pepsi in your house oh gross yeah but uh but but you know i i'd like to catch up with him i would like to discuss the the foot thing and and you know what he's doing with his

streaming and and that group of people he hangs around with and and all that stuff in the old times too sure yeah yeah i'd like to talk about that fucking night that he put white boy seven street on his back and marched up a hill eating a cream cheese hot dog we can talk about how polite i was at that one restaurant in boston blade's like he's the worst you've told him right kyle he sucker punched the major team where'd we go to eat? I don't recall. Which time? It was in Boston. There were a lot of people at the table, maybe 12. Oh, like P.F. Chang's. That is, yep, that's it.

I behaved myself all dinner. Just want to say. Kind of a big deal. I wasn't sitting close to you. I will not and cannot co-sign. Follow the show? Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed the show 472 I think

all that stuff bye guys