Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #475

Episode Date: January 31, 2020

In this week's PKA, we've got Poker commentator and comedian, Joe "Stapes" Stapleton joining us to share some fun poker-related stories, the guys go over Sander's chances of actually wining what with all the bias against him, watch some funny public freakout clips and discuss Blade's rotting leg further.

BKA 475 with our guest Joe Stapleton. Kyle? Our guest Joe. Yeah. Thanks. A couple of sponsors tonight. Goat.com and Squarespace. We'll get to them later.

Links below. Yeah, let's just jump right in. That's the kind of show we do here, Joe, is we can mess up an eighth of a second in. We're not restarting. We use actual film to record this. There's no way to fix that. This is our guest Silky Shirt Steve.

475 episodes in. Nearly learned how to speak. Almost. Thanks for coming on, man. You're very welcome. Thank you for having me. And I have tripped over my words. I've tripped over my words so much in showing out a thing that I've just turned it into my brand.

So when I don't do it, people are disappointed. You have that in common with Woody. He doesn't know any celebrity's names. I can't get any of them. I mean, him not knowing mine doesn't count. You know, really, that's a specific kind of retardation I have. And Taylor's making fun of the handicapped. I hope you feel good about yourself.

I'm retarded, too. We've talked about this. That's fair. Hey, look, there's only the people on this side of the screen haven't been cancelled yet. There's just two red X's.

Don't worry. No, that's not how it works. We've discussed this on the show before. Break first. In the same way that black people can use the N word, I can say retarded wow I just sent off a DNA test to see how many races I can make fun of this year

I'm hoping for a lot what percentage does it have to be is it like 1% and up I would argue more than 0 wow alright I guess I found that's the one reason so many possibilities yeah that would be the golden ticket you get like one percent ashkenazi jewish one percent black

one percent chinese one percent fucking native american and then you get like the i like that you didn't waste it all in one place there were were no threes in there. No, we're going to spread this far and wide. 1% gay. Like all of them. At least. Yeah. I wonder if they're... I wonder if they can be able to test for that.

Right? Because they've been looking for the gay gene forever. And I haven't seen any articles, despite never looking, about them finding it. Is that a thing yet? I can't believe... Is that what this show is? Deciding whether or not being gay is genetic or not? Is that a thing yet? I can't believe, is that what this show is? Deciding whether or not being gay is genetic or not? Is that what I just walked into?

That's one of our tentpoles. That's our opening. Can we do guns and abortion next? Yeah, those are coming. Those are also tentpole topics. Guns and abortion and race relations. Welcome to PKA. We'll mix in a little MMA and we're done.

Yeah, 30 seconds of hockey and then punch a ticket. Anyway, let's bring it back to Joe. I was thinking that too, Joe. You were saying your schedule is super busy this week? Yeah, I do poker broadcasting over the internet mostly, sometimes on television, although it's all pretty much moved to streaming at this point. And yeah, I'm working on a couple

of different things. Now that you can do it remotely, I would have had to turn one of these two jobs down. But one of them is happening in Australia, and one of them is happening in Canada. Oh, take the Australia one. Well, I'm just doing them both

from Las Vegas. Was that too long ago? It was too long ago. Was that a meandering story when I talked about eight seconds there? You just checked out around second number seven. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I deserve that.

I'm sorry. It's not the most interesting anecdote. Yeah, I'm doing a couple different tournaments remotely. And so it's led to me basically having two 24-hour days in a row what is the business model for a professional poker player i've wondered this right i people have told me that pool players don't make their money at big pool tournaments they make their money fleecing guys who think they're good at pool does the same thing happen in poker? Is that where the money is made? Go on. Yeah, no, that's it really is. It's that, you know, there used to be sponsorships and stuff like that back in the day. It doesn't really exist anymore because of the legality of online

poker in America. So that sort of thing of them becoming celebrities isn't really a thing anymore. That used to be a separate revenue stream. But yeah, you're right. It's going to Las Vegas and playing against people who have money, who think they're good poker players, and also playing against all the other pros that live in Las Vegas too, thinking you're the best. But that's mostly how these guys make a living.

Some of them are tournament pros. But again, it's the same thing. They're facing big tournament fields of guys who are in the exact same position they are, excellent poker players. Now there's plenty of bad poker players in those as well, but you got to be able to beat the bad players, but also you got to fade a lot of the good players too. They're your competition as well. Is there money to be made in playing against professional poker players? Like I would think that that would kind of break even over time.

Well, that's a completely logical thing to think. Lots of people think that way, and I wouldn't necessarily say it's flawed thinking, but the people who are playing think the opposite. They think if they have a 1% edge over you you that over time that one percent is going to mean that they're going to get all your money that also makes sense the math checks out and most of them i think they have much greater than a one percent edge over you so or whoever it is they're playing over me sure but over each other that might be tough the best

players in the world all think that they are the best player in the world so you know that's why they approach that situation that's so who do you think is the best player in the world it's a it's not a it's not a thing you can say one name yeah because there are different people who are better at different things and because luck plays a huge factor there are people that absolutely go on hot streaks uh but there's a guy right now named alex fox and who has been on top of the tournament world for the last two years which is virtually unheard of because it's so hard to win tournaments uh he just finished second in a the 100 000 buy-in tournament i was covering last night. So he's way up there. And then you've got pros who maybe aren't always crushing the tournament scene,

but they play really big buy-in events and get a little bit more recognition. The famous poker players, they're still very good poker players, but they don't have to tour as much because they do have held on to that little bit of fame they do still get sponsorship deals so guys like daniel negrano obviously are still at the peak of that industry even if they don't play as much as everybody else yeah i've always been a big fan of uh cash game poker watching those so I think playing tournaments is fucking torture. It is not fun for me. And I like

watching and playing in cash games a lot better. It's just a totally different vibe. Tournaments are so serious. Yeah, well, I mean, cash games can get very serious too. People get, well, the ones I play in, or have played in, you know, we're just right on the edge of violence occasionally.

When I say not me, but the others can definitely get there. You know, there's insults thrown around the table. These are grown men who are like, you know, this isn't someone who's being like staked $70,000 of their $100,000 from one guy and another $10,000 from another guy. And they're in this thing for $5,000. This is all their money. You know, they've showed up tonight with $20,000 or $30,000. I don't mean it's all the money they have, but all of their money is their money. And so if they lose $20,000, which is not at all unheard of, they're steaming.

They're steaming. That would ruin my whole day. What do they have to be mad about? I mean, none of us like losing, but do they feel like that? Well, there's bad beats in poker. There are situations where you've literally outplayed your opponent, and yet due to just blind luck, he beats you. And what's more frustrating is not just being beaten by luck,

but being beaten by stupidity. It's like you shouldn't have done the thing you did. You did that thing because you're bad, and you're being rewarded by luck for being bad, and you're beating me who was smarter and just less lucky than you i feel like that's a you problem not a me problem right i mean how is that different than bluffing how is that different it is a you problem in that one isolated moment right because you're just supposed to roll with it as a poker player so there are times that you will be a 90% favorite or a 95% favorite,

and you will still lose. And those moments will drive you absolutely crazy, especially if you don't have an unlimited bankroll so that the other 99 times you're in that situation, you win at 94, you know, 96 of those times. A lot of people, they don't see the long run. They see just the short ones. So when that happens you lose that one percent chance it can it's maddening like it can really drive a person insane yeah uh my dad was the poker game the other night and he was he was relaying to me the next day when i saw him what happened he was like some guy had lost a lot of money like forty thousand dollars of cash and uh and he was sitting there clearly steaming and he's out of money and like $40,000 of cash. And he was sitting there

clearly steaming. And he's out of money and it's time for him to borrow some money from somebody. And he makes some remark like, y'all motherfuckers don't even have enough money to loan me what I need to play this game. And somebody else, Billy, I'd loan you anything you needed.

Shut up, you little punk. I'll whip your ass right here. it's just like this guy's steaming it really sounds like i would have preferred to agree with him like yeah at 40 grand an hour i don't know how long i could keep up with that no i definitely am not see i'm a bit of a joker that's my whole thing and i wouldn't needle people in that particular situation people are like on the brink right then and they're they're basically saying to you like i'm at the edge right now like i'm i'm throwing off warning signs like that thing in jurassic park with the flappers coming out around it yeah that's what he's doing he's like i'm ready to spin yeah and i understand

it like like i've never emasculating too to lose it's like you just it's embarrassing like you get stacked and then you have no more money and it's just a horrible feeling and i find that most of the time in the world where folks get mean it's because they feel bad about something yeah i i played i used to play a lot of cash game poker i i really love it i can't play uh at the moment. But yeah. Is it one of those reasons of the ankle brace? I'm on federal probation, yeah. Okay. So yeah,

big fan of cash game poker. I love that. We started out playing like, I don't know, like $50 buy-in tournaments. Don't admit to a crime, please. Oh, he's already served his time. Statute of limitation. Don't worry. That girl's old enough now. That's not what it was.

That's how it works. That's how it works. Once she turns 18, it becomes legal? Jesus Christ. That's the Jerry Seinfeld method. That is the Jerry Seinfeld. She was legal when he started it. But it was... Oh, you're right because she was 17 she's 17 he's like it was

the kind of legal where you still side eye him where it's like you're 39 you're dating a 17 year old like yeah yeah what can you possibly have in common she could have been 16 and still been legal that is the age that would have been fucked up. No, as little too. But 17. Oh, it is? I don't know. Yeah, at 16. So in New York, and we looked it up. Don't use me as your attorney. You probably did.

At 14, you can consent to up to four years. So if you're 18 and she's 14, check the birthdays. At 16, she can consent, period. So that 17-year-old dating Jerry Seinfeld? Legal. I would have dated Jerry Seinfeld at 17. I would still date Jerry Seinfeld. Am I the only one?

The 13-year-old Carl Malone impregnated. That's not okay, but somehow it's fine. I didn't know about that story. I want to stay on poker for a minute, though. Kyle, what's the most... I'm not a poker guy. I've never really played played other than just for fun like really really tiny amounts of money with friends so i don't know what i'm doing kyle what's the most and i get this goes for joe as well because i know you you play some what's the most you've won and the most you've lost like in um in a single night i guess i would i would usually like it the game i'm describing

is a game that i never played in it's the game my dad plays in now i yeah i wouldn't want any part of that especially back then i would show up with 2 000 or 2 500 cash and i'd buy in for 500 and i'd be ready to reload you know the second time i'm buying in for a thousand if i lose my 500 because i'm trying to get my 500 back but there's been nights where i lost all 2 500 but there's definitely been nights where I came out with, like, 7,500, like won 5,000 or lost 2,500. It'd kind of go up. And, I mean, you know, we would keep tallies, Dad and I.

And, like, in the long run, I won. I was ahead a lot. And he was ahead an enormous amount, like, you know, six figures or something like that in the course of a year. But, you know, we're just playing small town at somebody's garage or somebody's place of work. I'm not going to say exactly where. Maybe a club.

Can you say an address real quick? Maybe like a moose club or something like some other animal. Those sort of games where it's like a private institution. People who are winning and losing $20,000 and $40,000 in a night, how would you ballpark their annual income? Oh, they're business owners. They're all business owners. These are guys who own like a couple of –

Are you from North Carolina? I might know people that play in this game. Georgia. Okay, I don't know. These are guys who own like a livestock barn that like does $10 million of revenue a year. Or these are guys who like own like a chain of barbecue restaurants that are each making that are making like $50,000 a week. I have a friend that lives in North Carolina that plays with like a bunch of like furniture magnates. Sure.

And he has been playing in their weekly, sometimes twice a week, poker game for the last 15 years. And that is his job. That's all he does. Good for that guy. He's playing against these guys in poker two nights a week. You know, it's a scary situation, honestly, when you think about it. Like one of the games I played in was in a bar. But the night we played, there would be no drinking.

And there's a guy at the bar with a gun. So you're not really worried about getting robbed. And that game in particular, there would never be more than probably forty thousand dollars in the in the house but the game there that they play now there's gotta be i mean gotta be 150 000 in the house maybe 200 000 does everybody have guns to make sure it's safe nobody has guns it is georgia nobody has guns i don't there's not a Nobody has guns. It is Georgia. Nobody has guns. There's not a lot of guns at the games I hear of either. And I'm not talking about the players shouldn't have guns.

Let me just say that. But I was like, why don't they slip some guy? Everybody chip in 50 bucks, and some guy sits in the corner with a shotgun, and that's his job. I want to be that guy, and then I'm going to rob everyone. God damn, they paid me $50 a piece. Hell, they're betting $200 a card. Fuck you guys.

Give me all your money. I only know about what I've seen in movies where people come in and rob those games. And there's always like some Italian guy like, you know who you're coming for? I'm just letting you know. People coming. We're going to find you. Like that kind of shit. I'm glad to know that it's like that in the South, too,

where they've got a real old boy. No, no, I mean like they've got an old boy sitting there with a sawed-off. They don't, though. They should. Somebody tried to rob a poker game in my hometown, which is just coincidence. I had nothing to do with it. Statute of limitations is up

joe it's okay they got their asses kicked like the players in the game hospitalized all of them wow and they had guns so it's a really hard thing to pull off because you don't know if people are armed you don't know look underground poker is an element of crime and most crime that happens has some sort of organized crime connection to it so that thing of like do you know who you're robbing that's actually kind of real yeah i would imagine so i mean yeah definitely major cities like like like there's probably if there is any sort of unorganized crime element then they're like well if you want to have a game here then we'd like five percent of your game exactly look after your game you know but what i'm describing is nothing like that this is a bunch of good old boys who all who all own like businesses and they get together and give a night of the week and gamble

a bit when those guys like in ghanu and i like when i flip past ESPN or whatever and I see the – first of all, I'll only stop if it's a cash game because it's cool to see that much money on the table. Oh, Negreanu. Yeah, Nganou's a UFC fighter, so I was like, oh, are we going right into it already? Oh, no, Negreanu, my bad. So when you say it's like a $100,000 buy-in, someone told me once they're like, yeah, but it's not his hundred thousand dollars. That's Red Bull. There's no Tide. It's a nightmare. Nobody wants to touch poker, which is why poker struggles without online poker being legal in America. You'll see there's way less poker on TV. Fewer poker on TV? There's way less poker on TV than ever, and that's because it's just very difficult to advertise during um so no but you're

partially right and that oftentimes they are only risking i would say in a hundred thousand dollar tournament often they're risking four or five percent of their own money um you know some people have a hundred percent but it's pretty rare yeah And most of the time they're mitigating that risk by buying pieces of other players who they know are excellent players. And they kind of all share the risk in that respect. Some of them have outside backers that do this for them, that they're actually kind of an employee of sorts where their backer gives them $100,000. And if they win, they get to keep 20% of it or 60% or whatever it is they work out in that deal. So, yes, it is rare that someone has all of themselves,

but it ain't Popeye's chicken, unfortunately. Ah, okay, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's all poker-related stuff, it seems. It's a real shame that they cracked down on the online poker poker thing because why the hell wouldn't corporations want to sponsor it or is that like it's a law that they can't well it's go ahead i was just going to talk about the law legal things i don't really know it's just more of like a brand image thing where poker is still seen as this you know as a vice uh as a thing that it isn't legal in every state like it's not legal in texas i don't think to play texas hold them things may have lightened up

recently but um so as an advertiser that's it's kind of weird right like there's advertisers that won't advertise weed that's something that's not legal in every state i mean it's kind of on that same that same thing. That's shitty. It shouldn't be. It's just so weird to get a bad image if fucking Popeyes like who's going to be like Popeyes. I'm no longer interested in your chicken sandwich. You sponsored a poker man. Yeah, but there are some like the people who get outraged over things. There are people that would be outraged over this, who think gambling is a center that don't understand. Now we talked about underground games of robberies and this and that,

because that's like the most glamorous romanticized thing that we can think about when we think about poker, that makes up 0.00001% of, of really what happens in poker. Most of it is a truly good competition played by fair and honest competitors who have studied and worked hard and are tax paying everyday people.

But that is the side people don't see that. The sponsors don't see that. They see the underground poker room, cigar, the smoke-filled room the guns under the table the robberies the people with gambling problems that's what uh you know that's what mainstream advertisers see when they think of poker isn't that so funny it's like we don't want to get in we here at anheuser-busch don't want to get involved with anyone who might have a gambling problem exactly well it's like the south park like parody of all the booze commercials where it's like drink drink drink you

on this beach fucking this girl drink drink drink drink drink please drink with us yeah it is kind of weird i would say poker is closer to chess nowadays than it is to some sort of uh seedy underground thing which comes with its own set of problems but in my opinion, it is. Is there like a tiered kind of level of respect among poker players? Because you'll see around the table or whatever, some guys are sitting there, just nothing on their face, just looking around.

Other guys have like a bandana on and a in a cowboy hat and big like grandma glasses upside down glasses yeah upside down just stuff to throw them off so they can't see are the guys who are like just plain faced are they kind of like come on come on really sunglasses guy to put this in perspective yes to answer your question but to put this in perspective let's say that you are you are you taylor okay you're like i'm doing a job you're a fun guy you like to chat with people at the table you got a good personality you're good on camera right yeah and let's say that you are so good at poker and so good at math and so good at calculating roi that you figured out

when you're sitting at the poker table, if you sat there and didn't speak to anyone and weren't friendly and weren't and just were very robotic, but you would make an extra $500 an hour while you play poker,

would you? I would be the most boring man in America. Why would he make an extra 500 for being straight-faced because these guys realize that there's nothing in it for them to be chatty at the table it takes away from their concentration it may give give things away it it just really hurts their bottom line to to not to not be that sort of stoic robotic Terminator like figure out there for them to let's, if they had the desire to be chatty, it would, it would be, it would hurt them.

It would be minus EV is what they would call it for them to sort of, doesn't work the other way. I mean, I would hope that if I'm a complete jackass, it hits you hurts your bottom line that I'm knocking you off your game. Yeah. Yeah. But these guys can't really, for the most part,

can't be knocked off their game. Like they are just so good and so zeroed in and you're going to, your goofiness is going to hurt you way more than it's going to hurt them. Yeah. Look, you're saying basically like if i me shutting the fuck up and sitting there robotic i make an extra 500 an hour then i do another little roi analysis oh if i wear sunglasses i make an extra 750 an hour on top of that better wear sunglasses

oh i make an extra 250 now i'm 1500 an hour up if i just wear this hat sunglasses and shut up like that kind of little roi thing yeah you know it wouldn't be it wouldn't be that amount of money obviously but just that sort of thing just knowing that okay if i disguise as much of my face as possible i know that i'm going to be a better poker player uh by 0.00001 which is going to equal this much in the long run i've often wondered this you'll soon realize i don't know jack about poker everyone goes for the poker face right which is a complete unreadable no tell type thing how come no one goes for faints how come no one goes for fakes and and you know why don't you look upset when you're not or look upset when you are or go on they they do it's

called a reverse tell it does happen uh but what what's happened like i said that poker has become chess that the reads that poker players make now based on deduction and mathematics and game theory make it such that they don't even have to read your poker face most of the time they can accurately judge where you're at just based on what your actions are they can't be hidden if you raise you can't hide the fact that you're raising if you call you can't it's there and generally based on that information these guys are so good they don't need to read your face having autism is probably pretty helpful in this uh yeah well Having autism is probably pretty helpful in this.

Yeah, well, a lot of players have admitted to being on the spectrum in one way or another. So, you know, it does seem that some folks thrive in that situation poker wise. Yeah, I don't doubt it. An autistic guy in blackface the ultimate poker player no one will even look at him because it's so uncomfortable for everyone Taylor gets cancelled twice in one episode double axed three cancellations and the board goes back

to me and Kyle yeah I gotta check out more of the online poker world by online I mean watching it online not actually playing because i would just lose all my fucking money uh yeah and also it's not legal from the united states america unless you're in new jersey nevada delaware pennsylvania and michigan you in any of those places or if your vpn bounces through one of those places. VPNing does sometimes work.

It is against the terms of service. And what happens is when they catch you, they just keep your winnings. So it's really not worth it. Oh, then they probably love that. So you're saying the house outsmarted me? Who would have guessed such a thing? Yeah, honestly, in poker, it's really hard to do since the house generally isn't playing against you.

But if for some reason you want to VPN in, you can make the house quite profitable. I managed to still lose to the house. They actually just take your money and pass it back to whoever you quote unquote cheated out of it. They don't actually keep it. You just don't get it. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I remember playing online.

I never liked playing online nearly as much as I did in a live game. Yeah, it's a social game. I love that aspect. Yeah, I like the tactile nature of it. I like touching the cards. I like touching the chips. I like sitting there and drinking and smoking and just seeing all the people.

I don't know. I just never liked seeing the cartoon characters sitting around the table. It's much more of a math problem than a game at that point, it seems like. Yeah, it sure is. Ugh. Math. Ugh. Isn't your background in comedy?

Sort of. It's a little complicated. Only that I moved to L.A. to be a comedy writer. And then what happened was, are you guys L.A. people? Any of you? No. Okay. So what happens is you move to L.A. to be a comedy writer,

and then you just, like, don't write ever, but you still tell people you're a writer. And that happens for, like, the first. Look, if you're really motivated. You can do that without moving to L.A. I'm a writer. Yeah, exactly. But basically, it's not even that you're

lying right you just like think of yourself as a writer and you don't realize that like well you haven't actually even written anything so you're not so um once i came to that realization i ended up just getting a job i was working on a show called mad tv oh yeah as but in production so i was like you know in comedy but i wasn't really having to do with the comedy part of the show but i worked there for a couple years and then i got a internship at the world series of poker as a like a like a tournament reporter like a blogger i would like watch a big hand happen and run over to a computer and type it up for the internet. And I did those all very funny. That was like my thing. I was like the funny update guy.

And so they thought that I was like actually somewhat successful as a comedy writer in LA, even though I never said anything. And then I got just sort of accepted into poker as like the funny guy in poker because no one was doing funny poker content. So I went from reporter to video producer to podcast host to video host to tv host um from about like 2005 to 2009

and it just so happened that there was a vacuum it was just like no one was trying to be funny in poker and so all of a sudden i just happened to be there when there was like this vacuum for it and i got really lucky and ended up on TV, even though I wasn't trying. Well, that's not luck. You saw a vacuum and you filled it. Yeah, that's smart. I don't know if I was conscious, though. Like, I think a lot of times people like want to attribute their own decisions too much to their success stories.

And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I didn't make any wrong decisions to get me here. But like everything was pretty laid out. Like I never I could never like take credit for like what a genius I was to get me here but like everything was pretty laid out like i never i could never like take credit for like what a genius i was to end up here i don't know there's something to be said for taking advantage of the opportunities in front of you too like even if you didn't make them happen there are a lot of people who pass them up yeah and people who are self sabotaging too i've seen that like to to a degree. I've seen it in movies, and I'd be like, people don't do that. People don't go out and drink and do drugs on the most important,

the day before the most important meeting of their lives. Nobody does that. And then I've seen people do it. I'm like, holy shit, people do. Oh, my God, that's real. Yeah. You said you were in production on MADtv. What were you actually doing

what was your title i was the production assistant for my first year in my second year i was made uh i called it co-head of the research department but there are only two people in the research department um and it was my job to provide video research to like the set dressers and like keegan michael key would come in and i would give him tape of uh you know whatever guy he wanted to do an impression of that week and then if we were doing a raymond sketch i'd have to hand out everybody loves raymond tapes to the whole cast that was super fun i basically just watch tv yeah every day paul timberman's workshop was my is my all-time favorite uh bit on that show oh well sasso yeah very funny i missed will i was there for season 7 through 14 i'm sorry 8 through 14 and uh will his last season was season 7 i just missed him but every interaction i ever had with that guy was hilarious and he's just such a warm

fun dude you just really funny guy like your best friends then he walks out you're like oh i don't even really know him yeah oh he doesn't even really know me but some people have that skill making you feel like you're their best friend while you're talking yeah people who are good at sales are good at that yeah keegan's like that ike baron holtz is like that uh they're they're all just a lot of what i've um adapted myself during fan interactions and interactions with crew and stuff like that is stuff I've modeled off of Keegan and Ike, because they are such gracious people when I work with them at mad TV. Like to this day, I ran in,

I saw Keegan on a red carpet and he jumped the rail to come over and give me a hug and asked me how my family was. That's the kind of guy that Keegan is. And I, I haven't run into him yet, but he's exactly the same so i appreciate that anyway uh production coordinator for a couple of years so i was desperate to get into the writer's room was largely ignored largely didn't um of like a annoying self-serving douche yeah but then hey poker came along that's good see it all worked out you didn't even have to be an annoying self-serving douche i assume i mean i'm on like channel 871 at 2 30 in the morning

none of us are on any channels at any time. True, true. You're beating all of us there. Yeah, we're on a YouTube channel. A little different iTunes account. Oh, oh, do you have any other examples? You mentioned Keegan, right? And how you see an aspect of him

and you're like, okay, now I'm going to model myself and incorporate that aspect of him into me. Got any more? Let's see. Keegan and Ike for sure. Does that have to be someone I know personally? Because I really sort of like on Twitter, I was just having so much fun on Twitter today, guys.

I was I was doing my classic Twitter pranks where I pretend not to know something and I watch people's heads explode. So today I was pretending that I thought the two cards you get in Texas Hold'em are your hold cards. Now I've been doing this job for over a decade. So I was like, it's hold cards, right? Like all of a sudden during broadcasting, I'm like, it's definitely hold cards, right? And people are genuinely don't understand. I'm joking. So they'll send me like Wikipedia entries and photocopies from books, whole cards, whole cards,

whole cards. And so I'm like, this is doctored. This is clearly a Photoshop. I was having such a fuck. And then some of, some of the fans catch on. Right.

So then they give me corroborating evidence. Exactly. So I was having a blast on Twitter today. But one thing I've picked up from folks like Patton Oswalt and Sarah Silverman are two different things. One is that Patton will typically take a mean comment and make an even better joke out of it. So someone recently was being critical of a company hiring me to do a pot limit Omaha stream, which I am not at all an expert in. I don't know much about it all. You get four cards instead of two.

So my reply to that guy was, look, I've been doing Hold'em commentary for over a decade. I think I can handle a game with one more card. That is the kind of thing, like, Patton is really good at that kind of thing. Oh, wait, we lost your audio for a second. Did you guys also lose it? Mm-hmm, I lost it for a sec. Can back sure yeah okay so that's why like a guy like patten will take a we'll show the absurdity of someone being that rude on the internet but also make a better joke

out of it and then sarah silverman does this thing where when someone's mean to her she's just like hey it really feels like you're hurting right now like honestly not messing around if you want to talk about it let's talk and i've done that multiple times to trolls and i have also i typically offer them free comedy tickets free comments if you ever want look i don't tour right i'm not like a big touring comedian i'll hit maybe like four or five cities throughout the course of the year if i'm if i'm I'm ever in your town, just hit me up. I'll give you tickets, drinks on me. And I hope, you know, it look, it look, it's a little like, it's a little passive aggressive. I'm not going to lie. Like there's a little bit of me trying to have the moral high ground there,

but it still does some good. And I, it's worked. It's worked. People have been like, you know what? I'm sorry. I didn't really mean that. You seem like you seem like a good guy uh yeah i'll take you up on it sometime so those are a couple other things i've sort of emulated i try to i try to like just see things that i admire in people and just start to do them you know and a lot of the time it's not difficult especially when it comes to kindness like kindness is is free yes that's something I think about every day. Cause I don't take that track. If someone's mean to me, I usually don't give them any attention. That's my thing.

I think that's perfectly valid too. Mine is that I think I like yours more though. Well, because mine is still, I'm still interacting with them and I'm still winning in a way. Like I'm not above it. I'm just taking a totally cheap shot approach to fixing it like rising above it is really difficult so the way that i do it with my silence is i don't think of myself as rising above it i think that silence is just a different kind of response right you know like this guy wants my attention i am denying him that i'm still being an asshole

i'm not rising above it but i just hope it looks like that. I like your little troll comments because I'm on your Twitter right now. Like I said, I don't know fuck all about poker, but it's so obvious that you're trolling. You said that whole thing. And this guy's sending you screenshots

of a book by Daniel Negreanu. And you just said, I have a cousin named Keith who is very good at ms paint and could easily whip something up like this not buying it and people are like you're fucking idiot and it's like i love the people who act like every day is their first day on twitter oh no no people so right people it's like you know it's i don't even think it's cancel culture it's correction culture like everyone just wants to be able to tell you you did something wrong um and look i do think like a lot of wrongs are being righted now by people having voices that

they didn't have before but man we gotta let some stuff slide we just gotta let we just gotta let like a little bit Yeah Like the internet rule Where it's like if you want the answer to something Don't ask give the wrong information Oh my god Where you're like no it's a well known fact Hitler killed himself in 1938 before the beginning of the war Actually here's the bunker

He killed himself in it's like there now I know Now I know where it happened Just a roundabout way of Ask the audience and who wants to be a millionaire no trump actually can serve four terms if you do you see that there were some trolls like a few weeks ago that got like tons of traction from people who bought into it where someone said like you know if trump is is impeached in this term, he can run again next term and that will count as his first term. So he can run again. And there are so many people being like, no, no, no.

It's like tweeting pictures of the Constitution. The guy's like, that's not true. You know what is true? I know it's not happening, but just work with me. If Trump were removed from office this term, he could win re-election and serve the following term. I think that is true, right? Yeah. That's what it was, saying that he could win again and then win again. This is his worst term.

This is a tactical impeachment. Do you think his odds would be better or worse if he were impeached and he had that to run on? Like, they thought they could throw me out? Let's show them. Yeah, I don't know. I have no predictions anymore for anything that happened. I don't know, Kyle, but I could see both sides. I want to watch that movie.

That's all I know. I hope it doesn't happen in real life. Something going on in real life that's interesting right now I was reading about still not like all up on it is this chinese like weihan city virus have you guys been reading about the coronavirus yeah the coronavirus by sticking a lime in your neck oh that's true yes you do a little bit of salt yeah there you go doseki virus this is gonna finally be a real deal one or is this gonna be like like bird flu again or sars i mean or what was the other one i think i won five dollars on

um what's oh shucks do you lose oh how many people would die of ebola or whatever it was that was it you're right yeah they were blowing ebola up and and i agreed with you they were blowing it up, but I still thought it would kill 15 people. It was a low number. I think it was 15 people or one American. Yeah, because my thought process was like, look, when the power goes out in New York in the summer, 50 old people burn up and just fucking croak that day.

It literally does happen that way. The heat stroke out. They can't handle it. They're like old dogs. So I was like, you know, there's going to be some of those old folks that get this Ebola, and whatever we treat it with isn't going to work. Yeah, I'll take that bet. I lost.

I lost. It was less than nothing. It was just the media wanting a new thing to fucking sell. It sounds like you guys are taunting viruses. Bring it. Come on. Bring it on. Bring it on, motherfuckers. We took out H1N1. We took out Ebola.

We took out the bird flu. No, let's not tempt it. No, I'm willing to put up a mission accomplished banner. What's up, you son? This coronavirus is... All those farmers say this virus is a bitch and it couldn't be the real solution to climate change has to be like a like like a pandemic right yeah all right fan i was taking it easy over there jesus christ somebody there's too many of us i was stuck in traffic for an hour today if the if the

coronavirus got so big they're like honestly guys, we actually need to put more carbon in the atmosphere. Pump up the temperature, kill this thing. I actually read something that supports what you just said. They said something about if we drop the carbon emissions, it would actually make climate change worse. This guy had this huge two-paragraph thing explaining how it's too late to do anything about climate change. I'm sold. It's here. Wait, did you say two paragraphs?

It's just crazy enough to work. All 275 words. There were three, but I didn't read the last one. The last paragraph is just is what I would say if I were retarded. Obviously, we need to lower our reach. No, because I want to say that some of the gases that we're releasing are reflecting heat away.

I think that was the whole thing. But I'm not a climatologist. I'm not even sure if that's a real thing. Donald Trump tells me it's not. Did he say that? There's no telling. The thing is, you were like, diddy. You sound like a candidate for Space Force.

Oh, who doesn't want to be in the fucking Space Force? Did you see their uniforms? I just watched the new Star Trek series. Yeah, why do they have camo? Did you see the Space Force uniforms? The internet went wild because they're camouflage. Why? You know what it should be?

It should be orange or something. No, it should be black with those little glowy stars like you had on your ceiling as a kid. So you could just... It should be that black that... Now I want to be in Space Force. stars like you had on your ceiling as a kid. So you could just... Isn't there like a new black now they invented that literally absorbs like 99% of all light?

Yeah, it should be that. Or just like Buzz Lightyear protocol. Sir, sir, I've detached from the ship. I'm floating. You've got to rescue me quickly. I know Woody's into that. I see where you went there. I'm the one in digital camo floating towards the sun.

I can't see. I wish you had a camouflage. Look, I don't know why everybody makes fun of it. Nobody would make fun of the Space Force if anybody but Trump had suggested it. They'd be like, yeah, why would the president make fun of it? Look, I don't like trump's maybe my least favorite person on the planet so uh i don't defend him lightly all i'll say is this he's such a dope and so bad with secrets the fact that he's so into space force makes me think that he knows something oh i like where you're headed with that he is just he has

given away tons and tons of military secrets via twitter via mar-a-lago via conversations with russians where he's like yeah we got spies out there and people are like shut the fuck up so i think space force he's just like he's like fuck aliens are real space force yeah yeah what if that's it what? What if they showed Trump the Area 51 ships that Bob Lazar was always talking about? What if they showed him the body and he was like, alright, well, we've got

our own spaceships, right? And they're like, no. No, Obama didn't want to fund that stuff. Are you fucking kidding? We need a Space Force. He's just all night. He's watching reruns of Star trek like taking notes like yeah yeah and i want big titted bitches in tight clothes pull-up requirement how big your tits sweetheart

the sweetheart was the best part of it that's all you gotta do yeah now the space force has potential to be it only has a potential to be really cool if we get like phasers like laser guns you know do regular bullets work in space regular bullets don't space force is about the holodeck it's all that's all i want the holodeck it's this is a paradise filled with make-believe horrors that's what the holodeck we have holodeck already. It's called a 3D printer. We're not far off of the holodeck.

I've never been blown by a 3D printer. That's true. I have. It was incredibly painful. Technology is just not there for a smooth robot dick. I promise you there's 3D printing plans out there. It's like a million hexagons just in and out, in and out. That sounds pretty good, actually.

Like a nail file. Micro tears in your ass skin. 3D printer flashlight. They did make a weapon for space. It's called the Gyrojet pistol. Gyrojet pistol? Yeah, the pistol has these little... It looks like something out of a cartoon.

It looks like something out of a cartoon. The ammunition, it's firing these rounds that are powered by little rockets. And I've seen one before. I've, I've seen the ammo for it before as well. And I knew a guy in Vegas who had a big firearm collection and he had a couple of these things,

but, but yeah, I think that for one reason or another, regular firearms are not, don't work in space. Yeah. Is it because the, do they have the oxygen no well i don't know exactly can you imagine being so into guns on earth that you run out

you're like well i guess look at laser man yeah jesus how bad is your gun addiction that you're like all right well what would i use to kill an alien? This 3D printed flashlight I found is really disappointing. We should have an answer for that question, though. It involves a condom and a sock? Yeah. Oh, I hate that. Modern guns have their own internal oxidizers, chemicals that ignite the gunpowder and fire the bullet

in space where there's no gravity. Your bullet can keep going forever as long as it didn't hit something. Also, wouldn't it blast you the opposite direction if you're just like floating in space with a pistol wouldn't you yeah yeah i would imagine so and you would float forever in space i don't know i just want you guys to think this through before you fire a handgun in space i don't think i'll ever have to have to you know jump over that hurdle my life's not heading that direction yeah that's something you don't need to have on your bucket list.

I know the cosmonauts, the Russians, they had this really interesting firearm that could do a couple different things. I think it was a shotgun as well as a rifle. But it wasn't for space combat. It was because every now and then when they returned, they landed in fucking Siberia and they needed something to fight the wolves and the bears

with. Oh my god. Yeah. We had lovely, just the Atlantic over there next to Florida or whatever to land in to splash down in the warm 80-degree water. Actually, you probably need a gun in Florida as well now. That's a good point. There's a couple guys on bath salts. We're landing in Tallahassee.

We got to make sure we're... Dude, that would fucking suck, being a Russian. Like, you're surging back down through the atmosphere, hoping you're not gonna die. It slams into the tundra and you're like, Alright, Nikolai, easy part over. Fight your way

through fucking bears. That's what happened to the first manned spacewalk. It was these two cosmonauts. He goes out and, of course, and it's live on Russian television, or Soviet television. Everybody's watching. Everybody's fucking, yes, we've won again. And then the guy realizes that because of the pressure differential, his suit has inflated.

And now he can't get back into the capsule. So they cut the feet. They cut the fucking feet, and they play like a... What feet? the feed now please enjoy video of bears playing hockey they actually played like Mozart's Last Repose or something like that

it's a really sad like it's like the end of a sad movie music did those guys die? well it's kind of a story so he's out there floating around and the other guys inside like and finally he realized he's got a pressure valve so he releases a pressure valve causes extreme pressure sickness though because he releases a little bit too much pressure gets

himself back in and they go to close the hatch and don't think of like a modern spacecraft which are still not a we're not a star trek level they're in like a capsule right like a submarine in space so there's no like airlock per se they have to put their suits on and then they just open a door right next to them and and then one of them can go out the other one is in zero oxygen as well while he's watching his buddy float around out there so buddy finally gets in there's a close the door and the door's it won't latch. It's a fucking Russian door. Oh no. It goes on for a while. Well they're slamming the door and because they're in zero gravity that's

creating force. It's pushing the craft every time he jerks the door and impacts the craft with its own door. They do get the door shut but then they realize now we're tumbling. So now they're tumbling and they're like, we've got to get back to fucking Earth. So they bring the thing to re-entry. They land like I'm going to get this wrong, but let's just say 3,000 kilometers from where they're

supposed to be in Siberia during bear and wolf mating season. And I don't think they had a firearm. I think this was the incident that caused them to go, we really need the gun for the guys. They're landing up. It's no good. They found him after like 30 hours or something like that.

All safe and sound. Soviet heroes. They made it. But like eight things went wrong. That's a way more interesting story than Apollo 13. It's pretty close. I don't know. Eight things went wrong. That's a way more interesting story than Apollo 13. It's pretty close. I don't know.

They made it back with like... They really MacGyvered their way back to the planet. I just want to see a 20-minute scene of them trying to close the door. You'll never see it. They were playing Mozart. If they were to redo it and make a movie, he's saying, yeah, just 20 minutes of the slamming doors. Apollo 13 is a great movie. Those guys

traveled 250,000 miles in a MacGyvered-ass if you can even call it spacecraft. Yeah, that was real hard surviving that soundstage in Burbank. You're not one of those guys, are you? No, I'm not.

I think they definitely faked something, some of the footage that they put out there. That's kind of a known thing. How do you go from you're not one of those guys, are you? But seriously, they faked a lot of shit. Well, they did. It's plain to see. It's plain to see that if they faked some of the footage that they have of a spacewalk in particular,

it's clearly obviously fake. And everybody is kind of like, yeah, that's reused footage. It's like, well, that's not what you said when you broadcast it. You said this is our astronauts live spacewalking. Which clip was this? I'm not familiar with this. I would have to go down a Wikipedia. It was the one with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock

Turns out that one was totally fake You can see Stanley Kubrick's belly in the background Is that the giant baby from 2001? Yeah, I don't think so He's just in the background shaking the shit out of Shelley Long Be afraid, Jack's coming The more I think about the space race I think it might have been, what do you say, there's's a while back like we totally moved the goalposts on the soviets we're like

they made it into space with yuri gagarin or whatever then they did the orbit or whatever and we're like nah that was never that was actually never the deal it was actually the moon yeah we just lost like the whole time yeah like first they make it to space then they make it around the entire planet then they break some sort of speed record, then they go longer duration, then we get to the moon. First man in space, first monkey in space, first satellite. All those things first. And then we're the first people on the moon and we're like, ha ha, that was the race the whole time. Skalborg!

And we totally screwed them because they're like, well, but you took all of the Nazi geniuses. If you give us five of your 10 Nazi geniuses, then we'll call it a day. No, we're keeping all the Nazi geniuses. And then we're going to slap an American flag on it. Repeat the Nazis too? More than you. Where should the flagpole have been, right?

For victory. Like we also got to Mars first. I like going around the Earth. Look, I'm outside my depth. I think the fact that they quit is the fact that they quit. That's a thing. I think is the only one. Getting into space, I don't even know.

Isn't there like a spectrum on what space even is? There's not a line between space and not space. Where are you going with this, Neil deGrasse Tyson? I'm saying if you make it, like, let's say 50,000 feet in the air, have you made it to space? No, that's a halo jump.

Right? Where is space exactly? Do you have to get out, do you have to get to zero gravity? You're saying there's no exact line. What if you get to zero gravity, but a few revolutions in, you get pulled back in like space debris, right? Do you have to get to zero gravity, but a few revolutions in, you get pulled back in space debris, right? Do you have to get to the point where you would orbit and continuously leave our orbit, right? You just go further and further away, farther and farther away, right?

So where exactly does space start? I mean, there's a well-defined – there's some scientists who do that sort of thing, and they wrote a number down. I don't think that's true. So in the u.s space begins at 80.4 kilometers or 50 miles in the air at 264 000 feet the general international consensus sets a similar limit for the start of space at 380 000 feet what was the other one 264 000 see that no thank you i at first i was like fuck am I wrong? But then it's like, so between 280 and what did you say? 304, 340?

264,000 and 380,000 feet. And then all the satellites, it says, are between 525,000 feet up and 6.5 million feet. So a good bit of space. What he's saying is it's not like in the cartoons where there's a line between Nevada and California. One side space, one side space one side earth i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure what you would use as your determining factor is when you're in low earth orbit when you when you stop falling back and you start orbiting right right but things that are in orbit could go around six times and then get sucked in right there's all kinds of space debris out there for example that's getting pulled

in all the time this is why they don't have to worry about it so all i'm saying is like i don't know exactly where space is but maybe uh you circumnavigate in zero gravity and that's it i don't know exactly what it is but i think that's what virgin galactic is talking about doing right there this is really high altitude where they're just on the cusp. They're in that little in-between area to zip from one continent to another. Yeah, but there's no exact part. What I'm saying is space fades in. The atmosphere just... It absolutely fades in.

It's certainly not going from in the ocean to in the air, right? Perfect. There's an obvious line. There's a very distinct difference, yeah. I could see that. Yeah, I get your point somewhat. You can't just go put one toe in space like you can't no you can though there's no i guess not i'm just

gonna dip my toe in space guys i'm not going all the way to space i'm just gonna hang i need to find 120 000 feet of like gray area which was kind of what i was getting it um so yeah i don't know how to define the space winter exactly, but maybe circumnavigate the globe in zero degree, or zero altitude gravity. We're getting lost in the weeds. I think the space winter is the country that ended up with Tang. Thank you.

That's true. Do you remember how excited, I'm younger than you guys, but do you remember how excited you got for the Tang commercials when that orangutan was bouncing around up in space? You and monkeys. Jesus, this monkey thing with you. No, Taylor, none of us were like, Mom, there's a monkey on TV.

Look at him. Look at him. He's drinking the Tang. You and monkeys is hilarious. I remember specifically asking my mom at whatever point in the 90s being like, you gotta get Tang. You gotta get Tang from the store. And I remember mixing it up being like, god damn, this is what

astronauts drink. And maybe I'm right. It seems like a terrible thing for astronauts because if you're in zero gravity, having a bunch of orange powder floating around doesn't seem ideal, right? I think you mix it inside of a squeeze pouch. Oh, maybe. Yeah, they probably weren't doing it in their mom's kitchen at the age of seven.

That's so much about what astronauts do. Oh, that's where you're wrong. I know they drink Tang and do something scary I have no interest in doing. Yeah, same. I don't even know if I would take a free trip up to space. I quit. Taylor, what if I told you that being an astronaut involved working with monkeys? Well, that's an additional...

That's interesting. All right, Taylor. You and Lieutenant Bimbo here are going to go on a low orbit... Low orbit, uh... You're going to go eight trips around the Earth and... Wait, well, I don't even know

anything about how to operate this. Don't worry, Bimbo does. You look over at Bimbo and he's just like, Look, Houston, I fell asleep during the safety onboarding and Bimbo's throwing feces around the cabin. Taylor, we want you to know that you know. When he throws the feces, that means that your number one O2 booster is low. Okay, you're going to want to adjust that.

Taylor, we want to let you know that if anything goes wrong, Bimbo is absolutely in charge. We're going to ask you to defer to your commanding officer. You know, that's kind of sad, all those animals we sent up there. Because, like, I'm sure schoolchildren back home were like, oh, great, they sent a dog up there. I can't wait. Are we going to get to meet him when he comes back?

And they're like, uh, uh, come back. What do you mean he comes back? And they're like, uh, uh, come back. What do you mean? Comes back. He's going to slowly roast to death on the reentry. That's kind of what happens here. That or run out of oxygen. That's what happened to all those critters. They either ran out of oxygen or they burn up on reentry.

How many, well, I guess that's probably not even public info. It's how many monkeys and animals like dogs did we kill up there? That's absolutely public info. What's not what everything NASA did is transparent. It's the cosmonauts. What about all the ones they smushed in the centrifuge on earth?

We didn't hear about those. Oh, that's true. The stuff the cosmonauts did is, is very shady. Like, like we don't actually know like how many people that they're like, Oh yeah,

this guy's the first one into space, nailed it on the first try. And it's like, did you though? Yeah. Did you though? Maybe he's the eighth guy who tried to get the space or the ninth guy who tried to get space he's at least a second right like they sent up a couple of those fucking dudes and and tried it out i don't think so rogan's got that whole bit about how like the we're gonna have a bunch of like nerds sitting in a fucking country the smart people are never the ones they send up first they're they're down there sitting there turning their

knobs and looking at screens they got some square jawed corn fed guy from the midwest they shoot up in the fucking space he doesn't know what he's doing he just knows enough to turn the knobs he's he is not uh he's not crucial to the No, they got a bunch of him. A guy named Buzz was not the smartest guy in the operation. I guarantee you. I was watching some TV show where a guy was insulting astronauts. We think of astronauts as perhaps the greatest career there is. It's certainly way up there at the top.

And he's like, it took them decades to swap you out with monkeys. You do nothing up there. You're ballast. there at the top and he's like it took them decades to swap you out with monkeys like you did you do nothing up there you just you're ballast i'm like huh maybe that's true maybe there's something to that somewhere we're getting our asses beat for real are the soviet space statues we need cooler statues about astronauts in space what is this he just said oh wow that's like a giant sword person it's a giant yuri gagarin yep he's got he's got his cool fucking space suit rocketing out of the earth why don't we have stuff like that damn the soviets have some good statues they're they're top of the game there

that motherland thing with the chick and the sword like yeah that's pretty tight i mean i mean but that's all they had you know more koreans are on their game too you ever seen that thing of uh kim sil uh kim uh the the grand son kim il-sung yeah like on the horse and everything they don't fuck around with that stuff either i haven't seen that saying if your country doesn't have movies you better have good statues to look at that's true yeah that's true and didn't they kidnap a south korean movie producer and make him make a bunch of movies about uh about one of them really yeah yeah i'm pretty sure it's that's either true or the plot of a movie that i watched once i'm not sure no it's better if it's

true i'm pretty sure it's true they don't have any directors in north korea they direct those propaganda videos i'm sure they have some sort of film industry yeah i watched a movie that's fucking hilarious um it's called it's not supposed to be it's called the reanimator it's like it's an 80s horror movie and yeah this guy has like this uh this formula that he injects into dead things and brings them back to life and his idea is to like you know save people who have who have his idea is to like, you know, save people who have died in the operating room or, you know, tragedies and stuff like that. Well, there's a scene where he reanimates this guy

after he decapitates him and the head is alive and the body's alive and the body knocks him out when he's not looking. And so the head walks off with the body and kidnaps a girl and immediately strips the girl naked, ties her to a table. And he's like groping her boobs while the head is sitting there disembodied

next to it going, yeah, yeah. And then the body grabs the head and has it like licking her ears and sucking her titties. And he's just about to eat her pussy while she screams. And then like the good guys show up to save the day. And I'm like, she's going to be so traumatized she screams. And then the good guys show up to save the day.

And I'm like, she's going to be so traumatized by this. This is awful. But it's hilarious. It's hilarious. The reanimator. Check that one out. I saw Reanimator the musical in LA maybe 10 years ago. And George Wendt was in it. Wow.

Really? Yeah. He played himself in the cameo. It was pretty interesting. I was on an OKCupid date with a girl named Jill Kill who did a horror vlog. Yeah, he played himself in the cameo. It was pretty interesting. I was on an OKCupid date with a girl named Jill Kill, who did a horror vlog. Oh, still together? Never saw her again.

No. Jill Kill did a horror vlog. So are you married now? I'm not married. I do have a girlfriend for the first time in about 10 years. I was 10 years strong single, had the best time of my life. Ended up meeting someone who is just like incredible, like doesn't bother me and has her own job and doesn't get jealous. And we have super fun adventures together. And, uh, yeah, so that's great, man. I've liked the best of all worlds now but yeah for 10 years

oh my god did i date and i had i i didn't regret a second of it no any of them as good or better than jill kill uh jill kill was like one of those because she was like kind of had like a youtube page i'm typically attracted to people who everyone else wants yeah that's i'm like that's life like whoever's everyone else is giving attention to that. So I want, um, it was Jill kill. There was a couple of,

a couple of dancers, a couple of escorts in there. Uh, what do they call it? A dominatrix. A couple of those. Um, what else?

Dominators, dominatrices. Yeah. One that was like a full timer and one that just kind of dabbled. Hmm. And then pay extra for that. No,'ve just i've been lucky i've had a wide range so i guess when you were with you know fooling around with the dominatrices you would always do it at their place because they had all the tools and the kit and no i wasn't like a client so they rarely did any uh to me that was one of them was like yeah i, yeah, it's just a job.

It doesn't particularly turn me on or not. One of them, I dated for a long time, and she had a room in her house called the Black Room where she had a whole bunch of stuff set up. But she was the non-pro. She did it for the love of the domination. Exactly. She was just into it.

Whereas the person that was doing it as a job would go to a dungeon, like clock in and clock out of a dungeon. I was just about to say, what a fun job. And then I thought about the kind of people who are going to be visiting my black room dungeon and suddenly it doesn't seem nearly as much fun like even if you're not having all kinds of people having sex with them like you're going to be cleaning up a lot of their

scene like off your shoes and your boots not necessarily latex makes that easy i feel like in that scenario you're forcing them to clean it up though, right? They're already there. Clean that up! My car is dirty. That was dumb of me to overlook that. Now go wash all my laundries. Oh yeah, you got some dirty panties. No, it's sheets. Get in there. Are you going to mix the whites with the color?

Actually, please don't do that. Don't do that. That red sweater is brand new. You can't wash that with that. Are you going to put my cashmere pullover? No, no, no, no, no, no. That's too dirty. No delicates.

Yeah, no delicates. Fiend. Ooh, my cotton t-shirts on extra hot. These will never fit again. Yeah, if I catch you using too many dryer sheets. Yeah. Yeah, that's the reverse dominatrix. That's what you want.

Where, like Kyle said, you can be the, you have like a sorority or fraternity paddle as they're doing the dishes for you. Or cooking with them. You'd be a masochist. Yeah. Well, it's more of just a way to get chores done in a fun way. Right? With spanking right with spanking with spanking that man there's got to be a king out there who pulled

that off i feel like this is taylor's 1950s fantasy like all right all right guys hear me hear me i've got this wife she stays at home she does all the work and i beat her frequently. Oh, boy. But in a fun and festive way. It's consensual. She loves it. Yeah. She loves it, yeah. See, like I'm saying, there's got to be a guy out there

who played his cards right in the beginning of a relationship and was like, honestly, nothing gets me hornier than seeing a clean kitchen. Ooh, are those vacuum marks on the condom in my living room? Since when do women care what turns us on?

I don't like... Gotta find a good one. Yeah, Taylor, if the female orgasm existed, I'd have seen it by now. Now, this is an often misunderstood thing. My wife would tell me if it existed. It does not. I've done everything down there.

You believe you me? Look at the size of this neck. I can keep it down there forever. Click, click, click, click, click. You see how long I can just fucking talk up here? Breeze out of skills. Yes, he has to freeze out of his fucking skills. Alex Jones is, yeah. This is my pussy eating serum. Yeah. Alex Jones is, yeah. This is my pussy eating serum. That's something he should sell.

I need to buy like a memento for Alex. I need to buy an Alex Jones product just to have it. A little memento. Put it on the shelf next to your owl. It'd be a great gag gift like to give to your family and be like here's some crystals and a tin foil hat from officially from alex jones i wish we had him as a sponsor the photo of himself that he's got on his uh infowars.com site he looks about 40 pounds thinner than he than he is these days i'm linking it but like it's it's not even it's like oh look there's alex jones son no no that's that's what he's okay at the top personal yeah top left personal protective gear

what is oh wow he sells body armor oh that's so funny oh that's awesome he sells body armor yeah he's got he's got a lot of soft body armor. Looks like a plate carrier here, maybe even. He sells the armored notebook. He sells whitening toothpaste. Armored backpack. You're right. The photos of Alex Jones and his website are generous, to say the least. Yeah.

He's got holsters here. He's got air filtration mask in case you're under a chemical attack. Man. Aren't we all under a chemical attack all the time? He's got a whole line of flags. I'm zeroing in on Prostagard. A powerful blend of antioxidants and plant-based nutrients. It's all hand-selected, yeah, I'm sure. I guess this protects your prostate?

Awesome. Awesome. It's always under attack he must be in business with dwight shroot because of this super concentrated beet extract that's only 30 he specifically doesn't mention prostate in the entire sales pitch of prostagards he just says it's a blend of this that and the other thing and then there's a big disclaimer about how the fda doesn't say this diagnosed treats cures or prevents anything i would trust them yeah yeah the fda is just you guys trust alex jones more than the fucking those fda crooks won't approve of the alex jones super blue whitening toothpaste this water filtration system would be like a great wedding gift for like hipsters funny enough of all this shit i bet the water filtration system

works like the same as a brita how could you fuck that up right it just has his name on it which is hilarious can you imagine like your two like nerdiest hipster friends get married and then they have that in their house like next to their compost heap and their kombucha now at first i wasn't a fan of him but you do a little reading on that site and it starts to make a lot of sense yeah those aren't chemtrails, retard. They're planes. Organic frankincense. Organic lavender. Lots of essential oils here.

Shampoo. He's really, really got his hands in a lot of pockets here. It feels like, maybe I'm just biased, but I look at him and I'm like, this guy will sell anything. Anything he can con someone into buying. And all of it like he's got a toothbrush an antibacterial adult toothbrush here it is this has nothing on the quip i found it if you go to the tab that says specials he has he has a legal defense fund and a free person from jail donation buttons under specials, under clearance. He has both energy pills and relaxation pills.

You gotta have both of those. Sometimes I take a couple of the energy pills, winds me up too much, so I take a couple of the relaxation pills right after. Most of his site is medicine that's not medicine yeah antimicrobial snake oil thank you that's what it is silver dual action flossing bristle now 10 out of 10 dentists agree using metal on your teeth isn't good they don't know what they're talking about. You want lots of silver on your gum line. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. I feel like I started to get indoctrinated just from looking at this page. I'm going to close tab.

Pollen block? He sells snake oil. I don't know. I'm sure the toothbrush works, but if it doesn't do what he says it does. And his money, you know? Imagine if it wasn't even a working toothbrush. You actually got more

cavity. The bristles are made out of sugar cane. This website is kind of like that if you stare too long into the abyss, it starts to stare back into you. 30 more minutes and you'd have bought that Donald Trump shirt that says I'm a Wolverine on it

oh my god where is it I'll buy it anyway it's a fun ironic shirt like while I was looking at that site I could feel this drinking water turning me gay it probably is you proved to me it's not how about that can't do it

Bernie Sanders leading in the polls very very very exciting very exciting time for oh that's right he's your favorite of course he is i forgot for a moment i'm sorry 70 how's the single issue voter i gotta go piss in a cup again today i do that for how'd it go i get a reminder every few days how often do they test you it's random sometimes i mean i have to ask what you're on federal parole from if we're going to talk about it was it was a very extreme uh spree of crimes i had half an ounce of marijuana oh and i smoked it oh wow it's a good thing you're kind of white-ish. You would be in jail.

I did two months of federal prison. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I'm so sorry to hear that. That genuinely makes me sick to my stomach. Yeah. A lot of good stories came out of it. He made some new friends. I'm a story merchant, right?

So, you know, going to spending a little time in in in uh at prison camp was just just do you ever think about reaching back to your old crew you know like i think that's illegal my whole crew it's my story i'm talking about this is like a scene out of heat so uh we're getting the boys back together it's just the short version for joe kyle went to prison they thought there's a show called 60 days and out right there's a show called 60 days and out where they send like a narc in there he goes to prison for 60 days and finds out like the inside scoop on all the doings in the prison well Well, Kyle had a 60-day sentence, 56-day sentence maybe? 58, yeah.

58, okay. So they figured that he was a narc from the show 60 Days and Out. That was their genius conclusion. Oh my God. But he could have died. Yeah, all sorts of terrible things could have happened.

But Kyle, he rolled a 20 on charisma. So what he did is he made friends in the various factions. The factions were Mexican guys or Latino guys. I don't know what to say. Black guys and white guys. Chicanos. Chicanos. Okay.

And he just got a big, strong black guy with a broken radio and explained, Hey, I'm leaving in two months. Would you like my radio? Friends for life. And then Snow. Snow needs a workout partner. Snow enjoys running and doing pull-ups with weights around his waist. And cocaine.

Maybe. Methamphetamine. And he never did it. He sold it and trafficked it, according to the feds. So Kyle ran with Snow. Sounds like a railroad job to me. Kyle made it through prison using his biggest skill, which is charisma. No, man, they call me Snow because I get so excited about Christmas.

You need some cocaine. You can also provide rock carving tools to a friend who likes chess, because this story sounds a little familiar. There were also threats of rape it was very much like uh shawshank yes yes i didn't do the the warden's taxes or anything though how did you respond to a to a threat of rape like would you be like go ahead you won't call the bluff not that guy in particular the cute one with the belly shirt there were guys like that you know there's that there i just mixed missed the transsexual the

the the person that was there that had the breast implants like she had just left when i got there apparently so i guess she was going on tour to other prisons yeah so so um so yeah the guy that i made friends with who's uh you need this like radio to watch television you dial it to like a am station that's connected to the tv like a drive-in exactly like a drive-in there's no audio playing so if you want to watch tv and have fucking audio you got to buy their headset and buy their radio from the prison system and it's very expensive 75 for the radio or 25 for the the ears you're like 110 bucks in by the time you're able to watch TV in prison. It's worse than it sounds.

You have to stamp 10,000 license plates for that. Incomes are very low in prison, so $75 is a huge amount of money. Yeah, and you can only spend so much money per month in prison. It was like $300 a month or something like that. It didn't matter how much money your family sent you. You can only spend X amount per month. like it's it's a it's a it's a big deal these guys there were people getting the radio stolen left and right in there and there was tensions over it and threats but this guy had a broken radio and i i made friends with him and like a few days

later he was i was about two weeks in when he was like yo thought I'd let you know there's some guys over there that one of them said that he wanted to get with you. And I'm like laying in bed reading a book and I'm just like, sit up, excuse me? He said he wanted to get with you, so you better watch out.

I'm just like, he said he wanted to get with me? Yeah. It's high school all over again. I'm i'm like well tell him i don't want to get with anybody yeah like this guy's like slide me a folded note from stacy or something i'm just like just stick figure of you being raped yes or no every everything's just stickman except for his penis which is hyper realistic yeah no i was i was just like i'm not down for that and i will fight if so no man no in prison i i'm not a little guy but i'm certainly not some big scary guy either and there were little guys who were into that sort of thing and i feel like it was just it you know if if if it's

the law of the jungle, it's much harder to rate me than it is to go negotiate with this gentleman who's already down for that sort of thing. You're about 6'2", right? I'm about 6'1", 6'2", in shoes, maybe. You know, I'd have put up a pretty good fight.

And I would have screamed a lot. This all sounds very jail sexophobic to me it's literally jail sexophobic yeah you nailed it yeah open your little homophobic be better yeah the showers were the scariest time of day yeah for sure because you got to get clean you can't be smelly but you showered you showered with snow which is not what i meant to say but let's's go with that. After a while, I would time my shower so that I showered with my friend who was the big scary guy. He probably thought you were into him. I made sure that it seemed casual. Sometimes I would sit in my bed pretending to read, but I'm looking way on the other side of the dorm where he is.

And when I see him grab his laundry bag, I beat him to the shower, and I'm in there before he is. You're like scrubbing. You know what I hate, Snow? Penis. Nothing grinds my gears like a penis in and around me. That was literally a thought I had. I was like, I don't want Snow to think that I want to shower with him. Right.

But. I want to shower with him. Because A, I don't want him to think that i want to shower with him right but i want to shower with him because a i don't want to think i'm a bitch and and b i don't want him to think you don't want to ruin the friendship well i don't want him to think that i'm afraid sex ruins friendships i don't want him to think that i'm afraid but i also don't want him to think that i'm like looking to like actually like get with him in some sort of way so like i would literally like like sneakily watch and see when he was like getting his laundry shit together and And then I would have mine already ready to go. I'll sit there for 20 minutes sweaty if I have to. And I would beat him to the shower and I'd already be

in there. And he'd come in, you know, there's a whole shower procedure. I won't, I won't reiterate it. You know, you, you like, ah, you, you call out that you're coming in and the prisoners in there, whoever was last lets you know which shower stalls are open. So it's not like that thing you see in the movies where everybody's just in a big open room naked. There's a lot more privacy and nobody like barges in anybody else's privacy. So, so yeah, it was, it was an interesting time, but hey, I, I broke the law, right? You know, I deserved it.

Is showers where prison masturbation happens? It has to be. It has to be. It's not in the dorms i guess it could so one thing i noticed you didn't do it no i didn't the whole time like like i'm sure some people won't believe that i was terrified the whole time masturbation was not on my mind i this this was a highly this was incredibly stressful time filled with fear do you have any nighttime emissions no i've never done that in my life. I always thought

that was a joke. I didn't realize people actually came in their pants while they slept. Oh, that's I've never done it either. Yeah. I feel like you low key put you down there, Taylor. Like that would only happen to real weirdos, Taylor. You're fucking 12 years old. You wake up. I must have pe peed my bed but it's it's not like p just i'm sorry to digress from kyle's story but my father my father's my parents sex life is legendary it's a tentpole topic on the show when i was just entering puberty i asked my father about nighttime emissions i was like you know what's the scoop on these things dad like how often do you know does it happen or whatever and he's like man i like that happens to people who don't have sex

for days in a row yeah that i can't relate to that a lifetime never going absolutely piping your mom down. Your mom limps past the door and shakes her head. Yeah, that's funny. If he did come in his sleep, he wouldn't know it. There'd be nothing left. Would have been like holding the trigger on a keyboard duster for half an hour. But yeah, he knew nothing about nighttime emissions yeah i i i don't either frankly i really don't i i haven't pissed myself in the in bed since i was also like i think

i never did i don't remember doing it as a kid i remember it happened one time when i was way too old to do it because i literally had a... Oh, sick brag. Like we're supposed to believe it only happened one time. Well, I only remember one time. I mean, for all I know, I pissed myself constantly from the time I was three to five and I just don't remember it. But when I was like 12, I had a dream that I was pissing.

And so I'm standing there pissing in the dream and I wake up and I'm pissing. And I was like, oh no, no! I thought it was real. No! That's the dream. That's the one that gets you. A drunk girl did that in my closet once. A drunk girl?

Yeah, I woke up in the middle of the night and peed in my closet. Oh shit. What an asshole. I like to think she got out of bed, opened the closet door, and peed there thinking it was a bathroom. Is that?

That is exactly what happened. Not the Samsonite! What the? God damn it. So how long after you got back did you beat off or fuck like immediately immediately was it uh was it a fuck or was it a you know relieve the pressure of two months in prison it was a fuck it was the passenger seat on the way home like I was working like you spilled that seat. I was organizing that in prison. Like, I was like, so I'm getting out

on this day. You need to be here at this time. I don't care if you gotta wait outside. I'll be there when I get there. Kyle shows up. There's like a bread maker, a rotisserie chicken cooker, and a girl. That's literally how I returned to. Like, you know i was i was

eating fucking prison food and i was starving so i was like ordering all this cool kitchen cooking stuff i'm like i got home there's like an ice cream maker a bread maker all this like sous vide equipment and a girl and it's like and one ounce of your finest kush please i wish so much like like all my friends that i i play a lot of i game a, I play a lot of games online. Like multiplayer games. You mean FPS Kyle plays a lot of games online? Yeah, Shocker, right? Shocker. And so

my friends are all the time, I can hear them fucking literally doing what I got in trouble, just doing dabs, smoking concentrate, and they're all just baked the whole time. And I'm just sitting there sober as a priest, just like,

all right, all right. Nine more months, nine more months. Are you in a state where you can now do it or are you leaving? What's your plan? I am on federal probation, so it would not matter what state I'm in.

So once my federal probation is over, I will move to a legal state. I'm in Georgia. So, yeah. Georgia's not cool. And obviously you can't move out of state until the probation's over. I could move states, but it wouldn't change anything about my usage. You might like it, though. There are other things you might like about changing states.

Nah. Nah. I'd have to go through this whole permission process and get a new probation officer and deal with all of that and there's a lot of paperwork. Just when you tell me the things you like about Colorado it's not the beginning and end of that list. It is. It's the beginning.

It's the beginning and the end of the list. There's stuff in between. There's stuff in between. So it's not that it's the beginning and the end of the list yeah it absolutely there's stuff in between there's stuff in between okay but but but it's not that it's the beginning and the end it's that it's the first and last thing with a lot of stuff in the middle yeah there's plenty of states with mountains and snow and and and lots of white people but and you don't want to see anyway no no i it hurts everybody knows that yeah yeah it's it i'm going to colorado because there's marijuana there like it was colorado cali, or Washington State, or Oregon. And too much heroin in the Northwest and too many Democrats in California.

Don't sleep on Nevada. Perfectly legal here and no state income tax. I get nosebleeds in Nevada. The air is too dry. The moist states of Colorado. That's a good point. it is basically a fucking frozen desert up there it's a cold Nevada I spent a lot of time in Vegas

and in New Mexico and down in that area and I would always get like every time I get in the shower and blow my nose blood everywhere from the dry air so I don't do well with that yeah well you know you just gotta take it one day at a time you're ticking closer and closer yeah yeah yeah we don't really seem like we don't know

thoughts and prayers thoughts and prayers yeah yeah some thoughts your way it's either uh i'm either done with it in october of this year or october of next year i'm not sure i need to i was actually talking to the guy who took my piss from me today about that. And that his parole officer shows up tomorrow. Yeah, I actually pissed for a third party civilian. He sends it off

and tests it and sends the probation office the results or whatever. I go to a place that's for people with drug addiction and DUIs. Yeah. At least you're making new friends. Oh, yeah. Lots of friends. I'm really friendly with all of the

people who work there. She's like, I saw you in the store the other day. I'm like, you should have said hey. She's like, I didn't want to bother you. You were that girl. You looked like you were having a good time. I recognize you by your piss. That was nice of her, though. I don't know to bother you. You were that girl. You looked like you were having a good time. I recognize you by your piss. That was nice of her, man. Don't be dark.

Don't that piss anywhere. That's that fella with the cloudy piss. Did you know he doesn't drink nothing but Diet Pepsi? I thought he was joking. I tested it. No drugs, light a diet Pepsi. It's pretty much just pee and aspartame in there.

That's probably true. It can't be good. I have a topic. Yeah, what's up? So, Lincoln coming. This woman went to school because her daughter was being bullied and beat up. And then they beat her up too. Whoa.

She's like, you just got to stand up to those bullies. Then she goes and they kick her ass. Dude, you ever see that video? It's my favorite video of all time. I wish I could find it in better resolution. But there are these hyenas and they're picking on the female lions and that they spend the night in a tree like 15 feet in the air crying and yelling for help. And then come morning, the frickin male lion starts strutting in, goes straight for the fucking alpha hyena and bites his neck in two. Dad needs to talk to

these bullies, right? that's what the male line i always wonder what male lions were even for what the male lions do the women catch the prey right the women do all the work and the guys just lay around waiting for some hyena to smart off that's what male lions are for dad shows up they beat the shit out of him i I hope not. He gets home. He's limp. And he's like, those girls at your school. Those are some nappy head hoes. Honey, we're moving districts. That's a tough bitch. I assume that's dad's shoulder.

She did the Ollie shuffle. I've never seen anything like it. I assume this is dad's shoulder in the picture. He doesn't look like a pushover to me. That guy broke 200 pounds. He had to. Right? I don't know. Maybe it's like a school of... I feel like if dad is present, he probably would have been the one to

go... This isn't his arm around her? I have no idea. My whole assumption was maybe dad's not in the picture if she had to go. Looks like one of those white trash couches that they just throw a sheet over? Cause it's tattered. Hmm. This could be that actually,

but, but, but yeah, I, like, I don't know. I, I just hope dad rises to the occasion here.

This needs street justice. Yeah. We need to assault someone. Nothing bad can come of that. Yeah. Am I the only one that wants the circle of violence to just maybe not continue on perpetually? You're 0 for 2. No, no, no.

The circle ends after dad beats up at least two bullies. Yeah. Really, it's a crescent of violence. So you're looking for something like that scene from True Detectives where he goes uh to the the bullies yes bully's house and like like calls the bully and the bully's dad out and beats the dog shit out of the dad with brass knuckles he's like he's like no no you're not

going anywhere to the kid you watch this no he's doing this for you i thought you got off on this and he's just freaking killing the dad hitting himitting him in the ribs. Hitting him in the face. He's like, watch this. He's taking this ass kicking for you. You bully anymore, kids? I'm going to come back here and I'm going to butt fuck you with your dad's dick. No, no. I'm going to butt fuck your dad with your mom's skull or something very close to that.

It's like the most horrible thing you've ever heard. If you don't stop bullying my kid, I'm going to rape your whole family. This is the first time in the history of the show I do a scene better than Kyle. It's because I fucking love that scene. Nothing gets Woody's gears turning more than a little street justice a.k.a. assault with a deadly weapon. Dude, the guy had a gun. I want to get Joe in here.

What do you think? I've gotten so soft in my old age that when I was a teenager, I'd really like to seem like that or really imagine like a cool revenge beat up scene. But now violence, even in movies, it just kind of makes me sick. Like I just it like really bothers me to my core. I remember that scene and I actually don't think I watch much beyond that because I was like, I don't think I'm going to like this character if this is what he's like. I'm like very, very Boy Scouty in my like I'm very much like a turn the other cheek guy. Violence begets violence.

Look, there are some times obviously you got to stand up for yourself. I just like the idea of this dad going and beating up more people now i'm like yeah can't we just can we just kill them work it out yeah yeah sure killing them is fine as long as it's fast violence i just don't like to draw you want to feel it yeah no that's it's all about sending a message i know it's boring i'm like i'm boring in that respect i was like no i was in a lot of fights as a kid like i had a big mouth and i ran slow so i used to get like a lot i hear you brother that's not getting in fights that's that's being beaten up you might want a few some portion of time it was a fight i love how you how you like

like like re-remember your childhood. I was a rough customer in a lot of fights. And then the flashback plays and it's just you running like forest. Oh Jesus, they're coming for me. I wish I got away

but I didn't. Technically it's a fight. It doesn't mean I have to land a punch. It just means... I like that approach. Technically, these were fights. Technically, I'm 9-1-1.

I mean, I'm a 1-9-1. You had a draw? There was a no contest? Yeah. Everyone just walks away. There was a no contest? Yeah. You know, if you shit yourself, everyone just walks away. There was a 12-6 elbow, so that's why you get a no contest. Oh, man.

I was like, guys, I'm sorry, but my watch broke. I can't do this anymore. It's not cool. It's an Indiglo. I can't believe it. This is a fossil that my grandma gave me. This watch was $45. Are you crazy?

Yeah. It's my Timex, bitch. No, I'm trying to put myself in your head space and into the circle of violence and this and that. But my dumb ass comes from a different place. It comes from that karate. Like you literally have boxing and fight equipment and you're behind you. It's a pull-up bar.

It comes from that, you know, the karate kid scene where he does this and he convinces him to do it because he says, look. That was a healing scene. Right. But he convinces him to do it because he says, if I just leave now, I'll never find my center.

Right? These guys have been bullying me for all this time I came out here to show them that I was made of something and if I don't see this through then I'm not okay with me right so if dad comes along and says yeah let's just end the violence I know you beat the fuck out of my daughter repeatedly you beat the fuck out of my wife she's got a red eye now for some reason like a space alien but i'm going to kill you with kindness and extend my love and end the circle i feel like there's a there's a price to be paid for beating your wife and your daughter right that's right yeah the kids have won i want all these girls

this opinion of yours is incredible right it's like some people are inspired he's right inspired by the shawshank redemption lean on me what he's like the karate kid part two that's where i take my life lesson it was part one the thing with the hands yeah that's that's when daniel son has to uh fight in the karate tournament and the uh the guy sweeps the leg and then they're like all right we're gonna give you Yeah, that's when Daniel's son has to fight in the karate tournament, and the guy sweeps the leg. And then they're like, all right, we're going to give you half an hour to get him straight. Sorry, I stand corrected.

It is just as inspirational a film. Yeah, it's the Hilary Swank version that's awful. Yeah, that one sucks. That's Karate Kid 3, I believe. Guys, I don't know how long you guys want me for. I think I have to go fairly soon. No, we were told that. Yeah, whenever you need to bounce, that's Karate Kid 3 I believe guys I don't know how long you guys want me for I think I have to go fairly soon no we were told that yeah whenever you need to bounce that's fine if you want to head out

should we talk about one last thing I don't know so it's not just such an abrupt bounce no no yeah sure sure sure what are your top 200 favorite movies he's going to keep you for the next 3-2 and a half hours 200 favorite movies. He's going to keep you for the next three, two and a half hours. No particular order.

What's your favorite racial slur? Oh, Jesus. We're not allowed to say anything anymore. Oh, we're allowed to say all of them. Oh, yeah, no, you are allowed, sir. I don't want to be the kind of person that says that. So that's, you know, it's not like I don't do it because I'm not allowed. It's not like I'm like, oh, I really wish I could say the N word.

No, I'm fine with it. I'm fine with not saying it. Like, it doesn't. Really? You don't wish you could? Nah. You don't wish you could. That's all Kyle was thinking in prison.

Just, ooh. Throw a couple hot ends out there. Oh, really? I can't get my laundry today because I was 10 minutes late? Yes. I have a question, Kyle. I'll see you tomorrow. So I'm also an expert in prison because I saw 60 Days In Out. That's what I was called, by the way.

What is it called? 60 Days In. Okay, my bad. No, he was watching something different. No, this is a totally different show. In there they said that saying bitch is a horrible, terrible insult. And people don't stand for it. And you almost can't apologize your way out of it.

They want to fight over that. Could you stack rank bitch and the n-bomb oh i i i don't it depends on like what your intention is i think more than anything because people joke around all the time and say all sorts of things including the n-bomb if they're the same color but um you know if you and i've saw some mexican guys say the n the n-word and they skated right by with it but i i would say that like that is what's going to get you fucked up like right away is saying that to a person with like hate in your eyes. I feel like you could probably just you could probably just say it and nobody would, especially where I was, because there's minimum security or whatever. Like these guys aren't looking to go back to the medium security where people actually get stabbed.

People were getting stabbed while I was there at the medium security, and it's just right next door. And that's where they send you if you fuck up where I am. So they're going to tolerate a lot of stuff. You were in minimum security. Yeah, yeah. But the thing about that is I'm in there with guys who have earned the...

I'm in there with guys who have been sentenced to minimum security, as well as lots of guys who have earned their way from maximum to medium to minimum so there's hardcore felons in there who would like drug offenses and they could slip up at any moment yeah yeah i mean you know they're gang members um i had a guy confess to murders to me while while we were in there like like there's there's there's there's scary people in there um thank god i almost confessed a murder to you while we were doing this podcast and i scary people in there. Thank God. I almost confessed to murder to you while we were doing this podcast. I felt so weird. Now I know it's actually pretty common for you.

I have a very trusting face. People always... No, no. I only told the three of you and our roughly half million listeners. They're the only people who know about that. Just our close buds. And they can keep a secret. of you and our roughly half million listeners. They're the only people who know about that.

Just our close buds. And they can keep a secret. Yeah. We've enjoyed having you. I love poker so I was excited to have you on. I'm not going to spoil it, but we've got a big poker guest maybe coming on in a month or two. I'm very excited about it.

Oh wait, yeah, I saw somebody else talking to you guys, one of my my pals all right i won't give it away but i was jealous i was like what the fuck i just got booked you can't get you can't ride my coattail yeah yeah it's uh you let him know he's a he's a big poker player read all his books big fan watched him on um you know on tv for years and years so i but he's actually a very dear friend of mine i oh that's cool cool at his wedding last summer i uh but yeah i'm a big poker fan uh so i was excited to have you on and especially with your comedy background i thought that i i we really enjoyed having you on is there anything that you'd like to plug you know let our let our lovely listeners know that yeah that would be great uh my my twitter is at stapes my instagram is ataStapes. And I do tour the country as a stand-up. I open

McDonald's and I'm trying to go out on my own a little bit too. So if you guys are stand-up comedy fans, I'd love to have you guys come out to a show. If you're ever in Los Angeles, I do the comedy store every once in a while, the Laugh Factory as well. So yeah, thanks guys. I appreciate it. And if you're interested in poker stuff, you can find all my links there. I do tons and tons of live commentary, and there's hundreds of hours of me doing poker on TV where I'm almost as on that as this podcast was. I get a little bit more constrained with what I'm allowed to say, but still very entertaining stuff. Yeah. Everybody's got to check that out.

Yeah, we got to get you back on. More poker tales. Awesome. Anytime, guys. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me on your show. Do I just hang up on you? Yeah, you just hang up on us. We've got a two or three more hours. When you put your mouse over, it'll just red leave button pop. Yep, I see it. Smell you later, boys.

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kyle i asked on my little social media world i'll start it this way my toe club i've mentioned it a bunch of times i own a 15th of a boat. We were featured in Cross Country Magazine, which is the biggest para-magazine there is. I've got like a half-page spread of me flying in it. Have you been in a magazine or a newspaper? Tell me about the time.

I think some magazine came to my house and interviewed me once and took some pictures, but I honestly don't remember what it was. Was it YouTube-related? No. don't remember what it was. Was it YouTube related? No. Um, well, yeah, it was YouTube. It was, yeah. I mean, that's why they were there.

Right, right. And, uh, um, guns.com features my, featured my stuff a lot. Um, and, uh, air 15.com and, you know, websites like that. Um, that's about it. I don't think any, I don't. I don't know about any print magazines because my whole thing was like, don't go to print magazines. They cost you $50,000 a page.

I'll give you 10 minutes for that and it's on the internet forever. I was the anti-magazine. It's cheap in comparison. Yeah, my wife thinks that I'm a big deal, not because of the YouTube stuff, but I was in this cross-country magazine recently. I was in an off-roading magazine.

Again, they put like a real big picture on me. If you drive poorly, they take your picture. And I was also, I used to walk my dog in Ocean City, but I was on a skateboard and the dog would pull me around with her harness. And a newspaper reporter saw that and did a little spread on me. Taylor, have you ever been in a newspaper or magazine? And what for? No. No, I have not.

Uncle St. Louis, man, got his head stuck in a porta potty today. We're going to go live to the scene. Look at it. He's just stuck in there. I told you that in confidence. We're going to go live to the scene. Look at it. He's just stuck in there. I told you that in confidence. No, I haven't.

No? That's neat, though. I didn't know you were in multiple magazines. I didn't think. I thought everybody was. I thought, like, most people found their way into a few magazines or newspapers here and there. But I guess not. Nope. It's usually for embarrassing

things i'm sure though like at least yours it's like yeah these are my hobbies i watched that love death robot show on netflix and loved it it was so fucking good it's it's like a bunch of shorts they're like animated shorts they're like five to like 15 minutes long excellent like if you don't like one it's fine because it's going to be over in five to ten minutes but then you'll the next one you'll be like shit i hope this is one of the long ones this is great and the animation style is always different so one time it'll look like pixar the next will look like King of the Hill. The next will look like some sort of Saturday morning Transformer type show. And then it'll be all steampunky and then it'll be like

Japanese anime style. And the stories are wildly different. Some of them are funny and some of them are scary and some of them are heartfelt and almost will make you cry a little bit. And they all have this sort of... Most of them are kind of sci-fi in nature in one way or another. Really cool. Highly recommend. Love death robots.

How long has it been around? Is it just released? I think it's been out like a year or two or something like that. And it just fell off my radar. I didn't know about it or anything, but I think Tucker talked about it last week, if I'm not mistaken. And I immediately went and checked it out and I fucking loved it. I watched it all in one sitting. Um's great i found a new youtube channel it's

called the mystery box show it is too dirty for me and i've been on nearly 500 episodes of painkiller already at first i was like the show it the robot one uh love death robot i'm not sure i said it right anyway yeah uh yeah that'll find it well i might have said robot is a tricky one for me i have a very specific handicap um uh anyway the mystery box show right right? Like this lady's telling her story of a sexual interrogation scene, right? So she doesn't know what they're going to do. That's a surprise. She's agreed to mind fucks.

And, uh, uh, she, they put her in the bathroom and she's like, just get ready. And there's like, I don't know,

a shower and an enema kit there. And she prepares for this interrogation scene. She comes out with a blindfold on. Instantly, like five guys rush her, tie her to a chair, start like hitting her and mind-fucking her. What does mind-fucking mean? Like gaslighting? Like gaslighting, but like she doesn't know what's coming next she doesn't know why that

like where they're headed with the stuff that they're doing uh but the the mental stuff wasn't what really got me apparently she has big gauges in her labia and they put like paracord through these things and started pulling her. And they're pulling harder and harder and harder. And she realized, now mind you, this is a fat chick. She's over 200 for sure. Oh my God. You just shattered this mental image that I built. I'm glad because it ruins it for me too.

So I want you to get in the same place as me. And they're pulling her by her labia earrings, we'll call them, you know, these big things. And she realizes that what they are trying to do is drag the chair that she's tied to across the floor by her labia piercing. And it's not happening she's too fat so she starts to help with her toes and does this kind of like thing where she's assisting them it goes wrong they

they're like all right and by the way they're doing all this in russian accents until now and and her code word is like she has to give her name, right? They're trying to get her name from her. And when she finally gives up her name, they know that this has gone too far. And they leave the Russian accents and they say, look, we're sorry. When we pulled on these, something went wrong. And one of them came out

and you're bleeding a little bit. But it's not that bad. And we just need to know if you want to stop. And she stops and she thinks for a bit and she says, I will never tell you my name and uh and the scene goes laying on the floor and then they cooked her pussy in a skillet and they fed it to her i like the shit they

were doing just got like more extreme and they're hitting her and flogging her and this and that and i'm like man like i i don't i guess no one thinks they're vanilla but i don't think i'm all that vanilla and i'm like i i don't know if i'm down with this and and there's like six guys all hitting her and doing shit to her at the same time and um yeah it uh the mystery box show if you're yeah i actually pulled it up after you said that i guess there's a a whole bunch of it seems like it's people telling sex stories that's that's the premise right yeah and a lot of times they're learning experience there's one really good one where uh it's a hot younger chick and uh... Eight, nine? Oh, how hot? No, how old?

Oh, no. At the time she's telling the story, she's probably... I'm going to make it up, 23. But the story begins when she's like 17. And basically, 17-year-old hot version of her, somebody wants to buy her piss. And she gets into the whole dominatrix scene and makes a ton of money and has to buy her piss and she gets into the whole like dominatrix scene and

makes a ton of money and has to deal with her family's like pushing away and and she tells the story really well it's pretty funny and at one point her father is like huh i see you got a bigger place and i see you got a new car i guess they're paying you pretty well over there at Starbucks, huh? And he knows something's going on, right? And he's like, I just want to know that you're happy and you're safe. And she's like, Dad, here's the deal. I sell my pee online.

I sell my underwear online. Sometimes people call me. I charge them a lot. I charge them a lot. I charge them $60 a minute. And I just talk down to them. I'm mean to them. That there are guys out there who like to be humiliated in terms of pee and this and that and just treated poorly. And that's what I do and this is what I make. And her father's struggling. You're a genius.

Are there any guys out there that like, like a 65-year-old man to do that sort of thing? Yeah, you can tell he'd be in. But the Mystery Box show show it's pretty hard i'm getting up to piss three four times a night honey you have no idea i could just sit on a gold mine here yeah that's how she felt she's like i normally just throw this away and you know she i think she got paid 250 she's a 17 year old you know for her pee oh that's that's a little different now that i know she she's 17. Well, she's not.

What happened is she's become well-known in this community. She's kind of like a titan in the field. But it started at 17. She was in her 20s. She's a piss baroness. Underwear, just mistreatment, talking down to people online, things like that. Yeah, she's got some pay pigs. Okay.

A couple of pay piggies. Yeah. Nice. Financial humiliation domination that would be the ultimate job to have that's the ultimate kink like if you can find people who are into financial domination give me fifty dollars you fucking loser you're so pathetic you're actually gonna do it aren't you they're like oh i'm gonna send you a hundred i'm gonna send you a hundred then you're really gonna think i'm a tanner yeah no you were right yeah not as pathetic as two hundred dollars i'm gonna bust i know you watch your wife gonna say when she finds out i know that kyle watches JRE highlights too. Did you see the fighter talk about his sexual abuse background?

I saw that it was called that, and it didn't seem like a fun watch for me, so I went and watched some Escape from Car Cop videos and learned how to make fermented popcorn toppings instead. That sounds better. It was heavy. i watched it and um basically he was from what i could tell he was he didn't detail it enough and i couldn't tell how old he was maybe i missed it in passing i couldn't tell how old the abuser was but it was a

a grown-up woman against a young guy. I think he was really young, like 12 or something. Really young. And it really messed him up. And it's interesting to me because, like, it's a joke. We always make a joke out of it here, you know, like these 12-year-olds sleeping with their 8th grade teachers and, you know, how awesome that would be. It wasn't awesome for him at all.

And I'm a little torn. It wasn't awesome for him at all. I'm a little torn. It wasn't awesome for him at all and it was eye-opening for me. There is a piece of me, like Joe Rogan said that he had some early sexual success and it wasn't hard on him at all. So it'll affect different people

different ways is where I'm headed. Yeah, sure. But it affected him in a really bad way and it's a bummer i'm the only one who saw it but it was like it was heavy it was powerful youtube yeah i'm not looking for anything fucking depressing i try i look for some fun stuff i i um the uh cbs finally like like i don't know if you're aware of this but they made they made a a new star trek starring uh patrick stewart it's called star trek picard like he's back and it's like a retired picard i think he's gonna come out of retirement to like take care of some stuff i watched the

first episode of that tonight and i loved it they seem to have a really high budget like like the cgi and stuff is great like when they're showing the replicator or someone just using a... It's like a phone, but it's all in the air. It's like a display. They're just waiting their finger out. Are they doing de-aging on him or just old? No. It's meant to be 20 years after the original

series ended, just as it is. He's very old and frail. There's a part where they have to make a getaway, and he's like, slow down. Slow down. He can't keep up. He's definitely old Picard. But I'm digging it. He's carrying the thing massively, which makes sense. He's the titular character, as they say.

I'm liking it. I'm looking forward to more episodes. We had to subscribe to... I didn't do it, but Kitty subscribed to CBS or whatever. I swore it wouldn't happen. She fucking did it. They have a streaming service now? Yes. Oh, really? It's the only way to get that show.

How much is it? I have no idea. I would guess $9. The only way to get that show i was gonna just there's your way and then i'm not familiar with my way i think you're very familiar with your way um but um what i honestly do whenever there's like a show like that on an app that i don't have that's the only thing i want i just buy it it's like 25 a season which i don't you know it's it's to be 10 hours of entertainment for $25. It seems like small potatoes like that showed the terror that came out.

It's the one where I think it was a. It's either any or who does Walking Dead. That's AMC, right? AMC. I think it was AMC. It's that 10-part miniseries about the early 1900s, or maybe like 1850s or something like that. It's a British ship going to the North Pole to explore. They get frozen into the ice, and they end up having to stay there for like a year.

They're like, we've got plenty of food. It'll thaw out next spring and we'll get out of here. Next spring comes around, the ice doesn't thaw. And they're like, we've got so much food. Next summer when the ice thaws out, we'll get out. Two years have gone by and they're like, we're running low on food, boys. And it gets increasingly worse and worse. And it's very scary. There's like some supernatural stuff going on too. I just buy stuff like that though, is what I was getting at.

But she has subscribed to CBS, so I'll see what other stuff I now have access to. Man, streaming over the course of the last five years went from a much cheaper way to enjoy TV to now even more expensive than cable if you want all the streaming services like i like it's a little more a la carte but like i'm not getting the cbs one i'll probably end up canceling netflix before too long i feel like they don't put anything good on there anymore netflix has spent 17 billion dollars in this calendar year on content all right right, well then I'll hold off. I disagree. I still find Netflix has a lot of interesting original content.

So much. I used to buy Netflix for their library. Now I feel like I'm buying it for their original content. I don't know what's better for them. The Witcher is huge. Great example. 70, 80 million viewers or something like that. That's a gigantic show.

The one that I worry more about, I have a Disney Plus. Is that what it's called? Yeah, I'm worried about that one too. I watched all National Geographic. I saw Mandalorian. I talked to Jackie about canceling it and apparently she's really enjoying it. That's the one that she uses.

I don't know what show it is, but that's her background streaming service now. I think those are our only two. I have all of them. I have Hulu. I have Disney+. I have ESPN+. I have Netflix, obviously.

Amazon Prime. CBS now. I have Shudder. I have Starz. I have Showtime. I have HBO. What the hell is on Stars and Shudder? Shudder has all this horror stuff that I really like. I like the cheesy horror and some of it's good horror

like Mandy's on there. I don't know. Just for example. It's lots and lots of horror. And I like horror movies a lot. I might get that. I just scroll through it. The shit from the 80s and I'm just like, yep, let's watch that. That's absolutely a ridiculous title. Like, Nazi Bikers from Hell? Let's go.

Nazi Surfers from Hell? Is this a sequel or a prequel? They're surfing now. I got to watch that shit. I really enjoy the horror movies that are meant to be scary as fuck but actually turn out to be funny. I like that shit a lot. Are you still playing a ton of Escape from Tarkov? So from tarkov i have a better this phase is lasting a very long

time i have a friend who's trying to drag me into that game and i'm i'm low gauge concerned about its addictive properties i don't know anyone who just dabbles in escape from tarkov they nobody dabbles effectively you can't right um so there's that and then then, oh, I wrote to them. I wrote to them and I'm like, hey, guys, I'm Woody's Gamer Tag. I'm interested in playing your game. I have hundreds of millions of views on YouTube and millions on Twitch. Perhaps you'd like to give me a copy. They didn't write back. They escaped from Dark Cop.

Shut up, boomer. I wish they said that. You'd be better off tweeting him. Oh, maybe. You can tweet the guy who owns the company, Nikita. Really? He's very involved. More so than a Cliff Bleszinski.

He does a podcast a couple times a month with the top content creators. And they quiz him and question him about what's coming what changes could be done and they take and he takes their advice regularly and and alters the way the game works uh it's really he's really hands-on i would i'd like to save the money on the purchase price of the game i guess i'm just being cheap but i'd also like a it i don't know do i want a little leg up like a little loot starting loot is that a silly thing to ask for well they can't do that but if you buy the edge of darkness edition like the 150 version you get a little bit of loot but it's negligible like it's it's the amount of loot that i would like lose in a night and not even cough at like it's it's it's a couple hundred thousand rubles like i've got so i've got

my cash money and then i've got like the value of my stash like all my belongings and i don't know i've got like 20 20 million rubles cash and then my stash is worth like another 100 million rubles cash um you play the market at all in it yeah yeah i buy buy low sell high you think you've been successful at that? Yeah, you can clearly see how you're doing. So essentially, you have these AI traders, and each of them sells a different category of goods. There's a medical trader and an attachment trader, sort of. And so you do these little missions for them in-game.

It'll be like like kill five human players while having a tremor. And it takes forever to do it, but they give you XP. You gain a loyalty rank with them, and they pay you sometimes some sort of bounty. And once you've got your traders up to level four, which is the maximum, one, two, three, four, you've unlocked all the goods that level four which is the maximum one two three four

you've unlocked all the goods that they can sell but very few players have done that so you you click on the four tab and you're like oh this is where you can buy the good ammo you just buy all that good ammo from that trader at a very low price it there's a limited supply that he's got like 500 000 rounds so you buy as many as you can then turn around, put it right on the market for 20% more. And it sells instantly because those people can't buy level four things. They haven't put the work in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I highly recommend it. You know, it's a it. It's there. There's so many like how to get started guides and stuff like that. And it's a lot of fun. There's a map you can play called Factory that's very small.

You can just go in. You'll die. You get back out. You just go right back in. It's not a big deal. I don't know. I'm playing World War Z again, a game no one else plays.

Man, that game is just up my alley. I have fun with it. They've introduced a lot of new content. There's new maps to play. People know Left 4 Dead. There'd be new Left 4 Dead maps. Yeah. But they also introduced a horde mode, right?

So it's almost like Nazi zombies where they just keep coming and coming. And there's me and a couple of friends. We're calling out and working together in a coordinated way. And we'd never succeed without that teamwork. And I really get a charge out of it and i think i am amongst dozens of players who are really enjoying that game that's the problem yeah it's um tarkov is is the is i still think rust is the best game ever um but tarkov is an is an amazing game because it has so many

elements that rust also has but it has it in a way that you can play the game and bites you don't have to gorge yourself because in rust if you take a day off you fall way behind because there's that that weekly wipe or that bi-weekly or that uh bi-monthly wipe that you can fall into and you're like i gotta i gotta be ahead of everybody in tech and armor and such and this this, it's like, I'm there. I can take two weeks off right now. I don't fall behind in any way whatsoever. It almost seems like Rust pushed it too hard, right?

Like there's a thing games do where they make you strive to achieve, to level up, to get your things, to get more loot, et cetera. And Rust gets you so hooked. It makes you work so hard that you're like, well, I'm actually discovering this isn't worth it. Right. Whereas like COD, you know, you level up, you want all your stuff, people get to the end, but it's achievable. It doesn't kill you.

And you can take days off and it doesn't matter. You're still going to be right there. Yeah. And Tarkov's like RPG element is the skills. Like there's a lot of them and they're things like memory and perception and strength and endurance and they have effects on how you interact in the game like i can run dramatically farther than a base level player can dramatically farther which is a huge deal because if you're out of breath you're shaky as fuck you're like

and you can't aim straight and and i regain my stamina much more quickly than a regular player i reload faster i jump higher i can carry more stuff like like and i'm by no means changed into virtual fitness talk yeah it's it's it's got rpg elements and you know you're you're building this character and i'm nowhere near like like getting like to maxed out. Nobody is. There's a few people who have maxed out one skill or another, but nobody's maxed out all the skills. It's been going for... This wipes three or four months

in. Nikita says it's supposed to take years to max your character out. He also says people are like, this element of the game here, this isn't fun. He's like, you shouldn't have fun playing this game that's the best reply ever he's like this game isn't meant to be fun well then it's not a very good game is it it might be uh the lows are so low you know like like it i mean he's clearly being facetious he's

not there are things toward the kind of people who like are really intense at this and like yeah this is almost like a job you know oh no the people who are intense at it hate hate when he says that because they're like we're having fun though oh really but but there's like parts of the game that are literally just there to be like, yeah, that's what life's like. You fractured your leg. What do you think? You're just going to keep going? Oh, I fractured my leg in COD before.

I kind of get red vision for three seconds and I'm improved. Yeah, you die in this game. You've got a fractured leg and you just keep running on it. You just bleed to death. You just bleed to death. Hello, comrade. Did you know it is tech season? Yes.

That's a great one. You've got to literally fill out forms for a fictional character. Fuck, I don't know. Is this deductible or not? Can I? Can I? This ammo that I bought for my character, it's tax deductible, right? Yeah, but she bought it in rubles.

We're going to have to convert everything. Everything. You're talking to some Russian guy who's like, well, how big is your workspace at home? It is only 500 square feet. How about 750? Do you think that sounds right, that bit? That's what I thought. We get a little more, yeah?

I just want to play again. All right. Now on to dependence. They're adding, they're adding very realistic features to the game that are meant to make the game less fun, like cleaning your weapon.

And I don't mean in the game being like, I mean like between raids, which is what you call it when you go play, uh, you got to go into like your hideout, which is like this thing you build, which is literally like a little underground bunker with lots of things in it. And you get your gun and you fucking clean that bitch out and polish it and like run a brush through it.

And if you don't, if you go play with a gun, it'll fucking click. And you've got to like try to, they're adding that in that that's a thing they're going to add that you have to keep your weapons clean that sucks yeah yeah it's it's it's it's not fun but but for like for guys like like me who are like putting a lot of time into it and like i'm like i'll have them sparkling clean and i'm thinking like i never cleaned my

guns in real life i'd spray brake cleaner in them and then shoot them with an air hose do you think they'll add that no they won't but i think they actually are adding brake cleaner so maybe they will um yeah i i fucking dig that game a lot i was playing it just before we started the show that's it's you'll probably kick it off in two hours when we're done i I usually don't play after the show. I'm usually pretty wiped. I'm on a regular sleep schedule right now where I go to bed about like, sometimes I've been going to bed at like 10 p.m. and waking up at like 6 a.m., but it kind of floats up back and forth two or three hours. So sometimes I stay up to one and I sleep a little later,

but I haven't been staying up all night for a few weeks or so like that. Something like that. So you're on a pretty good schedule actually. You're not drifting back into the nocturnal mode um like i said it goes back and forth so like today i woke up a little bit later it was like almost noon when i woke up but last night i stayed up like really fuck it well for me it was late lately i stayed like three which was very unusual but uh but yeah it's a pretty good sleep schedule lately. I've been digging that. See, isn't it better?

You don't miss all the sunlight. You get some vitamin D. Oh, I've got this room blacked out, dude. Okay, well, never mind then. But don't you feel better not waking up at 3 p.m.? It depends what you're going to do that day. A lot of my friends that I play with are in California, so sometimes it's advantageous to wake up a little bit later in the day.

Yeah, I guess I feel a little bit better. What do we do? Do we do a fitness talk? No, we're doing Kyle's sleep schedule talk. He's feeling better. If I make scrambled eggs, it's like, scrambled eggs in the morning just make so much more sense than four in the afternoon. Yeah.

I have room for I'm hoping to fix it this weekend because I'm doing a lot of outdoor stuff. But I've been going to bed too late between like two or three and sleeping in too late. So I've been getting my normal sleep. It's just delayed. It's just wrong. I'm on

a Californian sleep scheduler. I'm zone or two away. Three. Anyway, how's fitness going, Taylor? Did you come back from your cruise and find that you had to reintroduce yourself to working out or? No, not really. Like I didn't work out really on the like I went I fucked around in the weight room at one point, but not even a full workout or anything.

So I got back, and I was pretty excited to jump back into it. And flip-flops and bathing suits. And then flip-flops and bathing suits. Literally, that's what it was. I went up there, and I was like, yeah, I'm going to go play around with dumbbells. And then, oh, they have a tricep push-down machine. Neat.

I've never used one of these before. And so just not even a full workout, just fucking around for a little bit. But yeah, I'm right back. I haven't missed a workout since i got back i've actually done a couple extra ones just because i've been feeling good uh my diet's been real fucking good since i got back because i have so much latent guilt from the the meals i ate on vacation and so yeah it's i gotta i gotta make you know 2019 was the year of the pig. And I got to reverse that trend.

It got to be the year of the slightly thinner pig in 2020. And so, yeah, I'm going for whole hog fitness. Really? Trying to cut my weight, get it down, tired of feeling fat. You know, I've been cultivating mass for so long that it's about time that I do some harvesting, you know? And so I need to slough off my shitty fatty areas and then hopefully have a much better body than I went into it like a year and a half ago or whatever it was. But, you know, I can't imagine I wouldn't as long as I lose enough weight so that I can do a lot more weight than I could back then. I think you're stronger than you were when you first got into it yeah yeah i'm definitely much stronger now i don't look as good but i'm much stronger but um yeah i'm going full off into really like dieting exercising you know

it really the exercise part's never been that hard i really enjoy that i i had enough time uh before we started the show that i squeezed out like a quick like 45 minute workout and then showered and then came in for this and i enjoy that i feel better it makes me sleep better at night makes me you know feel like i accomplished something even on days where you kind of feel like yeah you know not that much got done today ah well at least i got a workout in you know it feels pretty good let me say this when i exercise the hardest part is the first rep. You know, it's like, oftentimes I change clothes, like walk into the gym. It's nothing. The gym's in my house,

right? Like there's not a big barrier to working out. It's all mental. But you know what? If I do the first rep, then after that, it's kind of an enjoyable experience. It's not so bad.

I agree. Yeah. Do you have the same thing or like you have no trouble doing the first rep? No, I like, I, the first set is the toughest in certain exercises like for some reason like if i'm doing like overhead presses i have to do them seating instead of standing because my my basement ceilings aren't high enough but like the first five it's like oh fuck damn that sucked that's gonna be hard and then like by the time i'm doing the fourth set, it almost feels easier, I guess, because like blood's pumping in there, getting you. And I also like I need to be better about warming up instead of just jumping right into it.

And I am not. So I need to work on that as well. And stretching afterward. I've been better about stretching after working out, you know, and by better, I mean doing like 10% instead of 0% of what an actual person would recommend. But yeah, it was super easy to jump back into working out. I'm enjoying it. I got a,

yeah, I mean, one of those very rare but motivated head spaces where it's like, I'm fucking doing that thing where I lose a bunch of weight. I eat real well. I feel good, healthy shits. You know,

that's my whole, whole whole thing i got a nice healthy my girlfriend made me some some delicious uh pork after this and sauteed uh it's a it was a hell of fresh thing she ordered i think it's like a pork chop or something or no no it's pork tender loin with some kind of like fig sauce on it i think i did that yeah did you i submitted a tender loin and uh and i marinated it and then i sous vide it and then sliced it super fucking thin and made a pan sauce with red wine to put over it was fucking awesome yeah so i'm looking forward to that as soon as this is over i'm gonna wolf that shit down my wife's been uh eating right and losing weight which is cool but

there's like also a uh satellite effect on me you know my meals like suddenly shit's coming with less butter on it which is good i don't mind and uh so i i haven't been great for very long say this is like day three of me not eating at all yeah and they've been eating that space cereal that moon cereal that we're spying i had one bowl it was something else i I like it. I like the cocoa. It was the pink one. I feel like they might call it fruit. Fruity. Yeah. Fruity is good.

It's a bit of a basic bitch flavor, but I ate the frosted. Probably half that box in one sitting. They're fucking good. That's the one I anticipated the most. It's like low carb. It's very low carb. Have's basically like have you ever had halo top ice cream yeah that protein ice cream yeah it's basically like frozen protein powder whey protein

powder and so you get super high protein pretty low calorie and still quite a bit of 200 a bit of flavor in there it's like 240 to 360 calories depending on what you get yeah like i always liked the uh i think like sea salt caramel one of those like 320 calories it's a pint of ice cream for like 260 calories for the minimal one which is probably vanilla or something but like oh if you get vanilla yeah you just it's like a just a little treat you know and it's great it's got 20 grams of protein and like 220 calories or something retarded like that but these this cereal that's sponsoring us coming up this is like the same kind of formula like if you look at it this is like o's like cheerio looking things of whey protein and that's why it's so sweet and good yeah and that's why it's like every bowl of it like i think in every box of cereal let's wait

with our seven servings and then like 12 uh grams of protein per serving so know, quite a bit of protein in there depending on how much you eat. That's cool, actually. You don't usually get a lot of protein from cereal. No, I don't. Yeah, I mentioned it in PKM, but fast forward for those who didn't hear it. My doctor cleared me to start doing pull exercises again. You know, pull-ups, bicep curls, maybe not deadlifts. Kyle's on to it.

Yeah. And my motivation is way stronger than my elbow now. Jeremy pulls. Work those in, my friend. So I'm trying to get back into it slowly. I use the assistance band on my pull-ups and stuff. But I'm excited because I felt like for six weeks I was just obviously going in the wrong direction. And now we can turn that around.

That's good. Yeah, we got to be accountability buddies. I like that. Keeping each other accountable. the wrong direction and now we can turn that around so that's good yeah we gotta we gotta be accountability buddies i like that keeping each other accountable fitness february that's what it'll fitness end of january and february february the shortest month let's do it shortest month yeah gotta do oh you said your doctor cleared you for that i saw some other uplifting news uh a while back back on our reddit that said that uh or it showed a post that blade was cleared by his doctor to keep drinking i got a picture of his toes yesterday they are green that doesn't sound right i i read it with the same bit of hesitation

yeah hi dr nick here would you like a cocktail? Hi, everybody. I don't believe that. Can you give me the details on it? Like, is he acting? It was like a screenshot of him discussing something with his chat. And, you know, someone was saying something about, you know, a drinking stream or whatnot, asking a question. And it was him responding, saying, like, just just got the okay my doctor cleared me to drink and meanwhile there's like so many photos of his

foot looking worse than ever and yeah i kyle was right all along in that for i was i think woody and i had a little too much faith in the change of lifestyle approach to it. And chicken and green beans are not going to get him out of this hole. Yes, it will! No, it will not. The ship is over the line. Taylor, that is an untested theory. I just imagine Woody on D-Day, like running up to that Saving Private Ryan soldier

who's like holding his own arm. He's like, have you tried spinach? That's where Blade is right now. He's standing on the beach holding his own arm. He's like, have you tried spinach? That's where Blade is right now. He's standing on the beach holding his foot. He's hopping around. Nutrition is not going to help this. He needs antibiotics. When he comes over,

feeding him asparagus. Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. Give this eight to ten months. Yeah, okay. you might be right about the antibiotics and stuff like i'm not saying that's wrong but i i still feel like and again i know nothing about this but i'm you know on on youtube if he would have just turned the lifestyle around maybe throw some antibiotics in there these wounds he has are not deep based on everything i learned in the tv show scrubs that if he just stops drinking lives a healthier lifestyle these are scabs these are like the almost healed injuries right let's find uh kyle are you finding

the most i'm googling i'm googling leprosy, actually, to show Woody that it's not always... The worst things aren't always deep wounds. I'm going to Google that, too. You might not want to. I'm regretting it already. This guy's smiling while holding... Oh, what is he holding? It doesn't look like I expected.

These are all faces of leprosy. And fingers they've lost. Right, and some of these fingers, though, they're old wounds. I need some current leprosy. And fingers they've lost. Right, and some of these fingers are old wounds. I need some current leprosy. I'm seeing some raging leprosy. I'm not seeing it. Yeah. I want someone who just got a little bit of the leper in them.

Earlobe? Man, if you get leprosy, you're such a fucking loser. Why? You're a fucking idiot. Most people don't get... No Chad ever got leprosy you're such a fucking loser why idiot most people don't get chad ever got leprosy how are how do you get leprosy in the modern day and age i don't know i have no idea wow i mean it's funny we'll do it leprosy doesn't look as bad as i expect look at this science photo library picture that i'm looking at is making me feel like i'm wrong but uh that looks skin deep that looks like you could cure it with a little asparagus so it looks a lot like what blade has honestly like

all right look at the middle finger uh on the the hand that's to our right this individual's left blade's toe looks worse than that let me i don't know if you've seen like the most recent picture of his toe yeah they linked it in my um twitch stream the other day we talked about okay touch just in case uh taylor hasn't seen it i'll uh i'll throw it in here. I'm looking for it. Yeah, I got it right here. Yeah, if you click that. Oh, this actually isn't what I saw. Are we going to watch this video? Oh, there's a video? The first one had a video.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. Yeah. Now, tell me that doesn't look worse than what the leper has. It's pretty rough. You don't't like it are we sure that's bleed yeah yeah taylor yeah how much money would it take for you to suck that toe and i mean to draw upon it succulently draw upon it succulently. Draw upon it succulently. For a good 30 seconds. Oh. And, and, and

you swallow when you're done. Spitters and quitters, Taylor. I don't want to do it. I don't like the accusation that he might not swallow. Blade needs to get the poison out. Dude, it's going to be something absurd like $50,000.

I'm glad that you said a realistic number because there's so many jabronis out there. They'd be like, oh, like $8 billion. No. You'd do it for $50,000 if you saw it stacked up. I would too. There's something about seeing it. When you see cash money like if you

see money going to your bank account let's just say a rudiment if you see five thousand dollars go in your bank account you're like oh good put it with the rest that that's good and that's a little bit of comfort there good that's a lot of money good good good but if you see five thousand dollars and 50 sitting in front of you it looks like it's such a completely different experience. Yeah. When you see cash money, it's so much different. I've always gone the other way, actually. Really?

Yeah. Physical cash, seeing that. Do you know what $10,000 looks like? It doesn't look like much. In hundreds, it's not much at all. It's very thin. Yeah. $10,000, is that 100 hundreds?

Well, it's only a hundred hundreds yeah yeah and i think those wraps tend to be 50 right the two of those little wraps and yeah it's not much at all like like even 20 000 is just right yeah it's it's it's obviously a lot of money but i i don't look at say 10 000 is a a better one, and see like half an inch of money. Yeah, it looks better in 20s. That's the other thing. If it's in 20s, you're like, holy shit, that's a lot of money. It'd be two stacks like this in 20s.

Now, didn't you say that I was at the bank, and a guy deposited like five inches of money, and I was just like, I i was nosy i was like and it was like 400 something like yeah it wasn't as much as i thought oh that's billy he works at chippendale i'm not sure i he looked like a landscaper like you know okay you'd be surprised how many people don't lock their doors he looked like he worked like he worked pushing a mower or something and uh yeah anyway i saw i now i'm going the other way because i saw that stack of what must

have been singles and thought it was a lot yeah yeah it looks like a lot of money uh in in smaller denominations for sure yeah but but but yeah i would suck i would suck his toe for 50 grand yeah for sure yeah you know a big part of the price for me is who knows right if if if nobody knows if even blade keeps this secret then my price goes down a lot right he'll take it to the grave right blade on the other hand can you keep a secret if we do this on a live stream my price goes way up because it'll never stop haunting me how much to suck his toe on the live stream taylor that's gonna exist for my grandchildren. We'll see that. This is how grandpa paid for our schooling.

10 years from now, even if it's on the internet, people won't care. That's true. Let's double it. Make it a hundred. I saw a guy allow another man to shit on his chest the other day for like two or $300.

I tried to find the video. He took the biggest shit I've ever seen. I saw that too. I want to see the video. His turd was like this big around. It was like this long. The guy

laid on the floor. The guy that was on the floor was buff. He was a big, powerful dude. He looked military to me. The other guy counts on the floor, and the guy that was on the floor was buff. He was a big, powerful dude. He looked military to me. Yeah. The other guy counts off the money, and he's like, there you go, $387. And he's like, all right. He rips his shirt off, lays on the floor.

The other guy pulls his pants down, squats over him, and delivers the shit almost instantaneously. Where does it land? On his chest, like right in the middle of his chest. And everybody starts laughing and then they start gagging. Of course. Jackass style. I zipped away from that video. I saw the poop leaving the butt and

hightailed it out of there. I didn't want to see it. I don't even like seeing my dogs. It looked like it was going to hit his face. What do you have dogs? I don't even like when I take them out in the backyard and they start taking a shit facing away from me and then they just turn and lock eyes with you

I can't show this video I know you can't show it but we can tell people where to find it and we can queue up and get our reactions to it which I think is hilarious oh well 300 pounds or euros I'm sorry yeah well that's a lot of money plus it's a very short video if you guys want to see this go on over to everyone's favorite

Website LiveLeak And the title is Guy lets his friend Shit on him for a 300 pound bet Is that Euros? No the Euro looks more like an E That is a pound Oh you're right I was right the first time

Oh no You caught Taylor Sorry I said Kyle for Perverted I only saw the first volley Oh Sorry, I said Kyle for verdicts all right ready only saw the first volley said play So he's counting out cash right now on the screen He gave it to a shirtless man who has pretty much a six pack He lays on his back. He covers his face with his shirt. Smart move. Another man's squatting over him. Oh, boy!

It's like I can smell it through my monitor. Oh, good consistency. Yeah. Yeah, like Play-Doh. That looked a little soft to me. Soft serve ice cream. Yeah. Look at the shoh. That looked a little soft to me. Like soft serve ice cream. Yeah. The shitter is loving it.

Oh, man. This is hard to watch. A plume of shit. That's at least three quarters of a pound of shit. That's a big boy poop. Yeah, that's an above average. You ever weigh yourself before and after shitting just to find out? I have.

It's always disappointing because I think like... Four-tenths of a pound. Four-tenths, you said? Yeah. Yeah. No, I believe that. I believe that. But I have these expectations that I'm making these two-pound poops, right?

Oh, I will. I'm better. And if I don't come in like threatening two pounds worth of poop, I'm like, ah, I just missed expectations. Jesus Christ. See, now how much, all right, here we go again. How much to do exactly what that man did. And then upload it to live.

Can I be the pooper? I want to know how much to be a pooper and how much to be pooped on. I think, yeah. It's the LiveLeak part. It's going on LiveLeak on live leak yeah yeah that's where the press where the money is though right like the poopy his face isn't actually really in it for the most part like it kind of gets cut off for the most part the other guy seemed to be making a

point of like just see what i did just see the shit i'm gonna pull up my pants over my shitty asshole right now and so yeah i, it looked like a clean poop. It was. It was so soft. Yeah, that was way too soft to be a clean poop. I feel like from that position, his butthole is turning inside out and then closing over like any filth. You got to clean the inside too. If you guys aren't cleaning two or three knuckles deep.

That's a one wiper. That's a one wiper. If I have to do the turnaround and like laugh into the camera then that's gonna be like oh jesus like what if you did it what if you did it for your 40 grand you're like okay i believe i did that but 40 grand is a lot of money video blows up all of a sudden you're getting ad revenue right all sorts of like fiber one is sponsoring you they're like we want another video fiber one's on board all sort of probiotic companies they're on board charming you're getting so much ad revenue that you're like i'm the shit bandit now and and you have to you have

to produce one of these every week like like a like an epic meal time youtuber type type thing but every week you gotta change the the formula up right like like they'll let you shit on a guy three times, but then the fourth time you got to like come up with something new. Now you got to shit on a girl. Now you got to like, like get up on one of those high jump platforms, like, like high dive platforms,

like, and, and drop it from 20 meters up, right? You have to try totally different diets week to week for consistency and color preferences. All of a sudden you're eating so much fucking food coloring just to get that poop to green.

Food coloring and 501 bars. That's it. It's St. Patrick's Day and you've got to do a themed video. I think you're missing out on the whole green spinach and green food coloring. No fiber and corn. That combo. The bus with the windows. But you need some

fiber to make sure you're eating that show. The guy's like, ow! He dropped the wind out of him. It's like he dropped a hammer. Just a big, heavy pendulous shit dangling from your ass. You've got to reach back, break it off like an icicle and just throw it at him.

No, I would do that for probably, honestly, about the same amount it would take me to suck Blade's toe. And then being the, I guess that was the pooper, being the poopy, it would have to be way more. That is absolutely vile. Yeah, you know, I asked Wings of Redemption this sort of thing one time I asked him how much it would take to get him in a porno,

and then two weeks later we had somebody offering that very dollar amount for him to be in a porno so he's only like five grand wasn't it that's all he said he said he wanted five grand man that not a lot of foresight in that amount of money what do you think the girl was going to get paid six i would have loved that piece of information because it's got to be less than five grand fifteen hundred i guess isn't that about what a porn star that's a good scene yeah it depends you know there's there's so many moving parts in that. It depends on what studio and how open up they are. $1,500, $2,500 if there's anal. Those are my prices, ladies.

For the films I'm making. For the film I'm making. The one. It'll only be shown at my house. No distribution whatsoever. Don't worry. That would have been really funny if he'd gone through with that. Yeah. Oh, speaking of wings, thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers. Is it true?

What's up? Yeah, it's true. Geekster grandma's in the ICU. Oh, that sucks. I think they were saying that they might have to put her on a ventilator because she's having a hard time breathing. And I think in addition to the shortness of breath, I think they discovered another mass in her lungs. Now, I don't know if that means an additional lung mass or an additional mass in her lung, in addition to one that was elsewhere in the body. But in any case, you know, thoughts and prayers to gangsta grandma always, always entertained us. Yeah. And wings.

Yeah. And the wings too. It's his grandma. yeah and and wings and they yeah and the wings too it's his grandma yeah he he tweeted out the whole like picture of him in the hospital frowning and then like like he posted the text message conversation that he was having with uh somebody about like her health and stuff like that it was a little bizarre frankly but but it did it did make me feel bad a little bit. Yeah. That, that really sucks. Poor guy. Cause he was closer to her than his mom or anything like that. Right. Yeah. I would, I would, I would say that's a safe bet. Ooh, pneumonia, strep throat, another mass in her lung. Pneumonia is risky business when you get up there in age.

She's only 52. Well, that can't be true, Kyle. Oh, man. I think she quit smoking a while back. Probably a good move. A little late, but, you know. Better late than never. Is it though? I don't know.

Some of the way it's like it's like don't worry Doug, I quit smoking. He's like, I mean, you're going to want something to do with the stress of what I'm about to tell you, sir. You better light one up. Sir, go ahead and have a cigarette. Have two, because

in for a penny, in for a pound on this one. Pneumonia, strep throat, and another mass, and it's on her lung. That's the wording that we know. Yeah. And she's getting the thyroid cancer cut out. Oh, she has two different kinds of cancer, maybe. Yeah.

So it's like metastasized and moved around. Yeah, so that's stage fourastasized and moved around. So that's stage four. That sucks. Is that right? If it's metastasized, I believe so, yeah. Yeah, I think it's stage four. Speaking as someone who knows nothing, that sounds right. I think Blade's fine.

Speaking as someone who pretends to know everything, I'm thinking stage four. I trust you. If you have any Oncological questions Don't bother going to the doctor folks It's expensive Just send a letter To Woody's house

And he'll pass out I'll send it to Taylor He'll burn it Problem solved It'll go up and become stars Nature's dumpster And then god will read it and wow that's pretty fucked i saw a meme the other day and there's a surgeon like operating on a person and jesus is looking over the shoulder going why are you taking out that tumor i put in those are some funny like jesus images there's a bunch of those

where they take you know the jesus image looming over like a kid on a park bench and they're all from like chick tracks that are meant to show like even when you feel tempted to you know say bad words or skip church god is there watching and it's all just him saying shitty things to kids yeah yeah it's have you guys been following the impeachment thing at all uh you know what i have been following the tulsi gabbard suing hillary clinton for defamation of character for 50 million dollars and i think she might have a case it seems like like hillary did say that she was a russian asset i heard the recording she said the words yeah yeah and it's like you might be paying out uh some some monies mrs clinton if it's a public figure apparently yeah it's much more difficult like i'll phrase it the other way if it's a public figure it's okay to talk shit about them in the eyes of the law

and that you have to have to really get them somehow. I don't know what it takes, but I know that it's much harder to win that case. Gabbard's attorneys seem to think they have a case. I hope that that turns out well. I also saw her Hillary Clinton also said the other day that nobody likes Bernie Sanders. Hashtag I like Bernie immediately trends on Twitter. That backfired, yeah. Did you see Bernie's response?

Bernie's meeting in the fucking polls. Sometimes on a good day, my wife likes me. Love it. Love it. Like, I like Bernie Sanders. I don't think that. He should have added, can you say the same? Oh, Jesus.

I feel like apparently Al Gore is actually a pretty charismatic, funny guy. And you guys were young for this. But when he ran for president, you didn't see any of that. He was wooden. He was stale. People didn't hate him, but he was just a salty. A bore. Yeah.

And I think if he showed up. They called him Al Boer. So anyway, I don't see Bernie's funny side coming through very much, but it did right there. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I think Bernie might have this thing. He's leading in a lot of polls. He's certainly leading in the first primary states. Fucking break those chains, Bernie.

I'm still seeing Biden win. Who the fuck is Amy Klobuchar, and why is she in this conversation? I'm just glad you didn't say Buttigieg because he fits in the same category. He's got that 1 in 20 chance to win, Taylor. It's time to call down the herd here. Let's get the big three. I think they actually like a three or four size because there's really kind of a big two, right? I feel like there's Bernie, there's Biden,

and then there's a drop-off. Did you hear that recording of Biden essentially admitting? He's telling the story about how he told the Ukrainians to fire the prosecutor that was going after his son if they wanted the billion dollars worth of foreign aid. He's like, I told him him i'm leaving in four hours if he's not fired well four hours later that son of a bitch was fired that's that's that's what he said he did say that yeah on the impeachment thing what i would love is for the democrats and the republicans to each like choose a bit like I'll tell you what for witnesses

you can have Hunter and Joe Biden we want Bolton and I don't know Mulvaney or something and get them all up there we get the truth about the Ukraine thing or at least more of it in theory and we get the truth about the Burisma thing or at least more of it in theory

make a trade that's a bad trade for them because the republicans are still going to be like fucking heads in the sand not guilty meanwhile in the court of public opinion now uh now they see that biden is is the loser and he's definitely going to lose to bernie even and to warren you know he's going to fall way behind he's gonna lose the boot of judge i don't care what it takes put biden on the stand or something yeah no you see you say that's a bad you're not gonna get my my eyes i would argue that it's a good trade for the republicans and maybe a good trade for the

democrats because for the democrats well see the democrats are giving up biden but they've got four cards in their deck right they want biden he's the establishment guy who will fucking drive the ship the ship right down the money lane. They're terrified of Sanders right now. I think they're pushing Warren more than You guys are operating under the idea that they want Biden or perhaps Warren. I'm operating in the idea that they want a Democrat.

And, you know, like if I got four queens on my board and you have one, I'll gladly trade. I'll give you a whole queen just to damage the one you have. They don't see Sanders as a Democrat. There were reports today that Obama is afraid of what will happen to the future of America

if Bernie Sanders is elected president and he's thinking about involving himself in the race. Oh, he should rest assured. I know what will happen. All the things Bernie wants to do will not get 60 votes. He will not have a filibuster proof majority when he wins. He can do will not get 60 votes. He will not have a filibuster-proof majority when he wins. He can do some stuff by executive decision.

I don't know what he can do in that. I don't know what he can do either, but he'll find out. He'll get fucked over again. No, he's not going to get it. We'll see. Because with the current Congress, sure. But in two more years, we get a... How much longer do you think he's living, Kyle?

I was meaning that he's not going to get the nomination. Bernie's got five years left in him for sure. You think so? Yeah. All these rich people live such a long time, so you're probably right. Yeah, they get taken care of. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, is she alive?

She said the cancer's gone. She's coming back. Didn't she have stage four pancreatic cancer? I saw a picture of her today deadlifting 280 pounds. Not photoshopped. No. That's what abortions are for, to keep her alive with all those stem cells. That's why she keeps voting no.

Trucks of stem cells getting sent to her house every day no no injection she's not technically dead you know that woman's gonna retire on inauguration day the way she fucking fallen asleep that's so

that's so funny there's no way she can has she been in public in so long? She might just be... She just announced she's cancer-free. Did she announce it? She has been in public. I'm trying to remember when.

It was a few weeks ago. I don't know if that's recent enough. They had these strings tied to her, and she was very animated. This will be Kent and Bernie's situation. All right, she's going to be seen in public directly under this crane. Pay no attention to the two men.

Wave to the crowd, Ruth! Show them how high you can jump! She does that Matrix jump where she floats for half a second. She goes 250 feet as the crane reels her up. It's a construction crane, Kyle. And you just know the media would be like, Ruth Bader Ginsburg bravely leaps over town hall to show.

You show girl. You show girl power. Ruth Bader Ginsburg bravely breakdances without the help of wires. That'd be so funny. Yeah. It seems really possible Trump gets three justices in his first term.

Yeah, huge. Maybe, yeah. She'll probably pull three to the end. I hope he doesn't get three. I was okay with two, but three seems a little much. I want it to be neutral. I want that court to be neutral. Also, it's the witch three, right? So he replaced Scalia, but that's no big deal.

It was already a conservative with a conservative. But was Kennedy the other one and Ginsburg the next one? Kennedy's a flip guy. He was like... They put Kavanaugh in for Kennedy, I believe. Yeah, so he got more conservative for sure and uh and then ginsburg of course is one of the most liberal so they'll swap her with somebody you put a catholic in there uh in place of a liberal um so definitely going to be leaning a certain way on on like the right

shoes that's assuming that ruth bader ginsburg dies before you know november well the thing is it's within a year, so they would never put in a new Supreme Court justice since the election's a year away. If they had the votes, they will. If they had the votes, they will. They didn't do it last time. Are you telling me they'll be hypocrites, Taylor?

Yeah, they're going to. All of these people are scum. Oh, my stars, Taylor. You don't say. These people are all terrible. Who, my stars, Taylor. You don't say. These people are all terrible. Who's more scummy? Politicians or the Vatican Catholics? Like the actual cardinals and shit.

Oh, really? Because I don't think I'm not so. I can't decide that quickly. Or the mafia. I feel like. Politicians. Mafia doesn't rape children. They're not even on this short list.

I agree. Because the thing about the Mafia, like Cosa Nostra in particular, is the whole reason that they exist is because in old-timey Italy, you couldn't trust the government. They were the corrupt ones, and you had to have this local group

of people who would do the right thing that you'd go to. I'm not saying they'd do that thing today. I mean, they're obviously murderers and killers, but they seem to have kind of a code about civilians at least. And they dress well. Catholics are fucking everybody's kids. Catholics also dress well.

All of them? You dress like gay wizards. I don't see a problem. I saw this picture of a bunch of Catholic who knows what cardinals or something marching and Darth Vader was in it too. I don't know that he's got the dumbest outfit in this picture. They look so fucking stupid. They look so fucking stupid for modern times. No, the hat game's on point.

The bigger the hat, the more powerful the guy. It's just funny that they have those holdover rules from like, what, 1,800 years ago? 2,000 years ago? If you could remove all of cancer or all of religion, which would you pick? Oh, cancer. You're supposed to say what's the difference.

But... Oh, but... I think all of religion. I think I'd go with all of religion. No, way more people die from cancer. First of all, we need cancer to keep this place from getting overpopulated. All right? Second of all.

You say that until you get cancer when you're old. Click on that link. It's coming. What do we have here? If you look at it with an open mind, does Darth Vader really have the dumbest outfit? No. Really?

The dumbest outfit is the middle guy with the all white with the two green things outfit is the guy who looks like a wood elf right in front of him i agree uh and then the guy right behind has the the red guy in the very back that's the next coolest he looks like a paladin of sorts he looks like he could take off into flight right now and go save a burning school or something yeah yeah so that's my stack ranking of the fucking losers. Dude, that's got to suck for the Catholics

who get into that. You make it all the way to Cardinal and you're like, God damn, I'm all in. I finally made it. I'm serving my Lord. I'm doing it all right. And then you find out, oh no, most of these people don't even buy this like maybe they do maybe i'm projecting that a lot of them don't but you know i would

assume that the tippity top tippity top people you know i've had that same question right like like let's say you make it to the pope right you're literally the pope and you're like all right now i guess god will start talking to me because popes and God get to talk together, I think, or sometimes. It's supposed to be. And then he doesn't. Right? So you're pope and you're like, oh, fuck, am I really pope? What is the story here?

Why can't I talk to God? Because you know he can't. Yeah. Or maybe he just, you know, because like religious people all the time will feel that God speaks to them in like their own ways, you know? And so that probably would be the rationalization. That's the, I just keep lowering the bar, you know, like, oh yeah. God's speaking to me through the fact that the sunrise this morning. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to need him to use fucking words. Yeah. Right. You know, I mean, a letter will do do but I would prefer a phone call text first but come on Virgin Mary first toast oh it's God again

oh puts him on mute this guy won't stop bothering me I'm German now yeah I can see you I know you're there yeah

it took me a second to process that it's like I see you this is me time always when I'm jacking off god you know what I'm doing I know you're watching yeah I wonder what the I'd love to see the Pope's

beat off routine because he definitely Yeah, I wonder what the... I'd love to see the Pope's beat-off routine. Because he definitely does, right? You think the Pope masturbates? He's pretty old. Okay. Well, then one of the young cardinals. You think they masturbate the Pope? No.

Well, no. No. Maybe he runs into something. God knows what those motherfuckers are up to i i saw um there was some guy who did like a uh like an expose he's gay himself he's a reporter and he went like undercover in the vatican and he said that like a huge percentage are gay and a huge percentage are pedophiles and the gays don't tell on the pedophiles for fear that they'll be exposed for being gay and the pedophiles don't tell them the gays for fear that they'll be exposed for being pedophiles. And he said it was an enormous, the majority of them. Yeah. There's probably some

overlap there because of all the little boys getting molested. Yeah. Yeah. I have this theory that a lot of people break down into one of two categories, right? You've got the people who are the hero of their own life story, who think that they're doing the good things. And then you have the people who justify them not doing good things, but with the idea that like, well, everyone's like this, you know? But you know, I'm not bad. I'm just normal.

I wonder where these popes and cardinals, popes, like it's plural, cardinals and priests and stuff, like if you're raping children, do you just, how do you, do you think you're one of the good guys? You think you have a net overall positive impact on the world, even though you fuck children or have them blow you or whatever it is they do.

If you're involved in the coverup, right? Vatican's got paperwork underneath the basement or whatever. How do you justify that? I'm willing to bet that if you do that in the first place you were pretty fucked up mental or moral compass and you can probably rationalize anything to yourself like if you can rationalize molesting a young boy you can rationalize pretending that god's talking to you or something you know like that's a big step down from that yeah not not great well i mean like i think we even talked about on the show, I was reading about this, where like, way, way back in the day, like if a rich, whatever, hoity-toity family had a gay son, it was like a way to save face of being like, you're going to be a priest.

asking questions about why you were only hanging out in the boys tent at medieval summer camp. And so today the activity is plague. Not again. Middle ages would have sucked. Middle ages would have sucked

so much. We've talked about it before, but all those people who think it would have been so much. We've talked about it before, but all those people who think, oh, it would have been so romantic to live back then in the medieval... No. No. First of all, no. No. You'd have had the plague, and you'd have been dead. What if you were rich?

It wouldn't be better, but... The royal family didn't get cholera. They... I don't know. I don't know if they did or not the black death isn't that from like pooping in your drinking water yeah but they didn't know about bacteria so so you know even the royal chef was like not white washing his hands maybe you're right yeah the only royal who died from the black death that they can confirm was ed III's daughter, Joan, in 1348. That's a higher survival rate.

Nothing like today where we all get good health care. Yes, exactly. Especially in America. Yeah, like living in Rome would have been ten times better. At least like, you know, up until the last century or so. Yeah, they had hot running water. Hot running water? Yeah.

They had way more advanced shit. They had slaves? Well, I mean, every civilization on Earth had slaves. They had the good ones. They'd import them from all over. Ooh, they go up and steal all those. Oh, I've got a Mycenaean here. He's an amazing bricklayer.

Yeah, I mean, you can watch Spartacus. They stole all those Gauls from Germany, make them fight. They were good at fighting. What's a Gaul? Like a Germanic person. Yeah. Tribe of people from Germany.

I really like Spartacus. That's a good fucking show. That might be due for a rewatch. It is. Lots of nudity. Oftentimes, even in like yes that's true i know what you're gonna say but like even like fully coming into the like world of rome like you're trying to immerse yourself in it you're like yeah there's a lot of nudity

people were playing fast and loose with the rules even with that understanding you're like you know it doesn't really make sense for all of them to be naked at this party what's going where are the where's the robe rack there are some amazing titties in spartacus just some some some primo that anti-gravity titties that just defy the laws of physics they're they're they're so amazing what if they do anything to make them better for the scene right are they are they super amazing titties? It seems to me that it would be possible. Like, I don't know, put something on top of the titty that shrinks a little bit. You know, like a glue.

Saran wrap the titty? No, it'd have to be more subtle than that, right? They're not doing anything to the titties. Lucy Lawless' titties were not. there were classes of titties in that show. Lucy Lawless, her titties were the titties of a 40-year-old woman. But then there was that one chick with the collar getting fucked in the ass and her titties were outrageous. Yes. That's so

funny how everybody who's seen that show immediately knows what you're talking about. Oh, yeah. We've seen that gif. We've all seen the gif yeah nerd yeah it plays when i turn on my computer like it's my phone's lock screen i don't even want to answer this one all right hey mom and it's only for when your mom calls all the other ones is just the

boilerplate screen that comes with it little Oedipal issue Oedipus issue however you would say it you see my new topic here yes I'm looking at that article right now a dentist in Anchorage Alaska has been convicted of dozens of charges after he was filmed extracting a patient's tooth as he stood on a hoverboard.

He was convicted on 46 felony and misdemeanor counts. They found, with the evidence during a five-week bench trial, overwhelming. He performed a dental extraction procedure on a sedated patient while riding a hoverboard. He joked that he performed oral surgery on a hoverboard was a new standard of care. Good joke. The evidence indicated Lockhart believed

that he would get away with his fraud indefinitely and that he believed his scheme was foolproof. I don't know if fraud and scheme are accurate. It's just an athletic dentist. You said there was a video of it or a photo of it? Did I say that? Oh, maybe I was wrong. The evidence was often supported in excruciating detail

by Lockhart's own texts, photos, and videos. Not in this article, though. It's just him on it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dumb bitch, got her tooth taken out. But I wonder how the extraction went, right? Like, it seems to me that it doesn't matter if he's on the hoverboard. What matters is how well he performed his surgery.

Well, I thought I tapped out when I did the root canal with Heelys on, but I really found a new level here. he's on but i really found a new level here my dental hygienist was blowing up one of those bouncy balls with the handles and i didn't even get to it you guys started locking me up how can you think that's a good idea were the patients like under anesthesia and they were sedated oh man that's fucked all right so that that at first i was like come on he's just having fun at work but then it's like oh that's fucked i wouldn't want to know it is dental work though so like it's right in your head what's the worst that could happen he slips and stabs the back of your throat yeah death baby it's not he's taking out your gallbladder well there's sedation involved right he he could

give you a heart attack or uh what he's gonna like slip and like hit the knob or something like that tie this string around the tooth and then tie the other one to the back of my belt loop and i'm gonna i'm gonna do it away i'd like to see him do like a Tom Cruise Mission Impossible drop over the patient as he performs his soup. Get out. The guy comes to. The drop of sweat.

What are you doing? What are you doing to me? This is a dream. He hovers up over. Nurse, up the gas I get it that was the closest one he's still doing it

all the sweat dripping in your mouth I don't know how to feel about it remember on Seinfeld when the dentist remember when he took a hit of the gas he goes alright here you go and Jerry's like the dentist. Remember when he took a hit of the gas? He goes, alright, here you go.

Jerry's like, what the fuck? That's the one where he has porn in his waiting room, right? Yeah, he's got porn out in the waiting room and when Jerry wakes up, he's fucking buttoning his shirt up and the nurse is too. He's just like, what? What happened? Such a good episode. And the nurse is too. He's just... What?

What happened? Such a good episode. You anti-dentite bastard. Yeah. I think it converted to Judaism just for the jokes. Now for a shtickle of fluoride. Yeah. That's a good one.

Yeah, fuck that dentist. But it is funny when you see something like this and it's like convicted on 47 counts of felonious behavior and then it'll be like man rapes woman in park on camera given warning right don't you rape again don't you rape again did he just get probation Brock Turner I have no idea do I have his name right that sounds familiar I looked into that case and I think that that guy

I have not looked into it at all I haven't either I was hoping you were going to give a bogus argument I was going to jump right on board alright haven't either yeah i was hoping you were gonna give a bogus argument for why i was gonna jump right on board all right six months incarceration followed by three years of probation he was released three months early that's pretty stiff that's pretty stiff wait he's a rapist he raped a woman behind a dumpster are we sure yeah because they they caught him in the act and pulled him off her uh-huh look at the shaggy defense wasn't me who caught him her friends ladies and gentlemen

of the court what even is rape uh yeah the woman was unconscious uh okay so she's incapable of saying no yeah so how's this rape expert kyle if you're intoxicating if you're intoxicated you can't say no to sex so there is no no rape isn't possible yes cosby. It's like a Schrodinger's cat of consent. It exists and it doesn't, and you don't know until you open it. Until you go to trial. Yeah. I wish that the judge is like, God damn it, he's right.

Case dismissed. You're just like, fuck. Did this just happen? And then the judge is like, no, I'm kidding. I'm fucking with you. You're so guilty. You're just like, fuck. Did that just happen? And then the judge is like, no, I'm kidding. I'm fucking with you. You're so guilty. You're so guilty. He was caught by two men, Peter Johnson and Carl Frederick Arndt.

Traitors. Who held him until the police arrived. Yeah, so he was raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster when two men came up on him and stopped him. He was raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster when two men came up on him and stopped him. And he got six months in prison and three years probation. And thrown out of his school, I'm sure. That's disgusting. I mean.

But I guess if they let him out three months early, that's a pretty big, like, you know, portion of six months. Man, you should have seen me explaining RSK to Pastelli the other day. Not a comfortable conversation. He, you know, he chuckled at the end, but I don't know if it was a scared chuckle or a, I get it. Chuckle. Yeah. Yeah. I probably scared. There's a, I linked him the, uh, uh, the animated version of, of the prank phone call to like, he's like, yeah. And he was like, Oh yeah, I was just watching that.

I guess he was like a step ahead of me. He had Googled it. Well, good. Then he knows it was a joke you guys were doing. Well, he's pretty sure. Yeah, I, someone, I was watching a live stream of this farmer that I watch sometimes, One Lonely Farmer.

And I guess people recognize me in there and they just put RSK, RSK, Rape Squad yada yada in the chat and uh he assumed that it was some reference to rape squad killers in world war ii maybe the japanese did that to the chinese i'm not even sure but i had a rape of nan king yes the original rsk right uh but the rnk i had to somehow explain it was based on a prank call we made it's all killers we love your show that makes sense yeah that's how that would go you're kicking it old school we like that would be funny though if you like that was the thing that turned off he's like there will be no mockery of the rape of nan king in my chat none and if you want me to be okay with those don't don't get me started on the japanese out of everywhere he just hates them yellow monkeys

jesus that's the one thing that triggers them that'd be funny yeah yeah but yeah we are the real sweet kids you guys should just keep that in mind. I don't, I don't know what a rape squad killer is, um, or a rape squad killer, which it has ended up becoming. Um, it was my church softball league, but, but that's, that that's unrelated. It's neither here nor there. It's real sweet kids. Oh shit. I closed that article. I thought it was very funny. This isn't fun fun did we talk about the 21 year old age limit for buying cigarettes we didn't uh no oh they made that the law here too is that everywhere now is it federal 19 in alabama for a long time i think it's federal alabama leading

the way in health care okay now it is federal yeah so it's a across our federal yeah it was enacted by congress this is a federal thing holy shit fda is involved yeah yeah so uh for people outside america the most states had the age to buy cigarettes at 18 and it's been raised to 21 the big difference there is that you can't get them in high school anymore and it's a little harder to fake being 21 than it is 18 yeah so yeah well i want to get what's your take on it what do you think it changed uh my my first reaction which i don't hold anymore was that it was good it was like i think cigarettes are bad you know heck make it 41 you know it's better and better to hire is more and then someone in my twitch chat like phrased it as a sort of a right thing like

you know like you're taking rights away from adults and when i looked at it through that lens it was like yeah you know like and cigarettes are a very private decision right it's like i feel like drinking because drinking and driving exists it's a bit of a public decision like you know you should be of a certain age to be able to handle that cigarettes though at most are an annoyance to the other people in the world and and like you're really making a decision for you about you when you smoke cigarettes and like heroin yes right i i don't know which i also think should be legal at 18 i i mean and i don't it's just like yeah look people when they're adults when they're 18 years old you're allowed to start making decisions even if they're bad ones you know you should be able to go base

jumping at 18 years old like the government to come in and say no i've done that to be a little dangerous um yeah i think that you can't uh we deem that to be in and say, no, I've deemed that to be a little dangerous. Yeah, I think that you can. We deem that to be dangerous and we're deciding on your behalf that you as a grown adult can't make this decision for yourself. Fuck off, right? Like if there's freedom here, I feel like we should have an age for almost everything at which someone gets to make their own decisions. And that age is 18. Yeah, they should raise the age for enlisting in the military to 21 as well see how see all those congressmen feel about that they will not like that yeah when next year the recruitment drops by a fucking staggering percentage because people's

brains are almost functioning at 21 wow that would be such a big deal yeah it would because a big part of none of us have served in the military but i think that at 18 people are you can really mold them into soldiers more so than you could at 21 and that would change the landscape of the military so many of these people like aren't joining at 18 because they're like oh man i really want to be in the military it's more like well this is prohibitively expensive for me and could be a life-ruining amount of debt so i kind of you know they get you're talking about college yeah yeah they get pushed into that through the you know rotc thing so right but let it keep happening because i'm not gonna go fight and we need somebody to watch our ass we're all old enough

that we're not gonna get drafted we're fine yeah and if they do and i'm a felon So I'm last in line You think you're behind me I don't know They'll have Woody out there on the fucking firing range Before they take my drug I would be surprised man It's gonna be a good four years before they get to me And at that point I'll be 50 I'm getting dragged away

And I'm like no I'm very very gay I'm very very gay That's fine now I'm like, no, I'm very, very gay. That's fine now. I'm trans. Whatever. I love Iran. Please. Don't take me. But

yeah, I think they shouldn't have moved it to 21 even though I'm not a fan of cigarettes because I'm a fan of freedom. Yeah, I agree with you. That's really not cool. That guy put it really well, taking away rights from an adult. Yeah, I think you should be able to drink at 18

and do cocaine at 18 and do heroin at 18 and crystal meth and all those things because these are personal decisions that you're making about your body. Not really, though. Yeah, they are. We have a vested interest in the overall health of society if we're going to eventually get to the point

where we're paying for healthcare single payer and that will happen at that point so devil's advocate how does that not apply to cigarettes that's true that's true like that's also true like i've i've come across that and i don't know what the solution is but yeah if someone is going to smoke two packs a day or whatever a pack a day like that's you know or be you know 200 pounds overweight or something like you can apply it to that as well. Really, we're talking about these problems. Where do we draw the line? How much red meat are you allowed to eat before we send the cops to arrest you

and put you in a facility? Kyle, we're not going to talk about fantasies here. I mean, it's baby steps. It's like gun laws, right? It's like, ah, that magazine's too big. Five years from now, it's like, ah, that's a gun. You know? Get out of here. you should be able to do

whatever you want to do we need more rights not less first it's semi-auto then it's lever action which is almost as fast and then it's something you know now you can only have blow guns yeah um god damn it but it hurts so much but it only hurts like you know like i don't i don't understand why why we make any drug whatsoever illegal like make them all legal and sell them i mean meth heads are pretty dangerous like you don't want people doing meth and roaming around society a lot because they can't afford their drugs yeah and do you think that's going to get better if you can buy it at CVS? Here's the real question, Taylor. If crack was legal, would you go get yourself a few rocks?

No. Exactly. That's right. The people who want to smoke crack, smoke crack. The people who want illegal machine guns, go buy them. The people who want to rob banks, they rob banks. The people who want to do illegal things, do illegal things. They're comfortable with being criminals.

That's a class of criminal I want to see a big resurgence of. Bank robbers. Yes. Whatever happened to bank robbers? That's not fair. They don't get enough? I feel like the rich reward's not there. I would say the surveillance camera happened.

You could just put lemon juice on your face. It's cool. Yeah, it's just... It's firing into a fucking chase with your face. I don't know if it's a wives tale or if it's real, but apparently some guy thought the cameras didn't work on you if you put lemon juice on your face. So he went in there with no mask at all.

Just like, none of these cameras are going to work. Give me all the money! Fuck! It was either surveillance cameras or invisible ink. I made a mistake. Could I just have a tissue? You, blurry man or woman, give me the money.

Blurry man. I'll just give you a bag of trash you don't know any better yeah i got it guys i got it i got it it's like this these are all their business cards like shit we gotta get out of here yeah yeah that we need more bank bank robbers that would be a cool new wave of crime don't see happening i think i'd try some, like if all drugs were legal, which ones would you try? Ooh. Because keep in mind, all right, so let me preface it by saying this,

because I know not everyone is a drug expert. It's okay, I'm here. Let me know if you have any questions. I was being polite. Most drugs, there's some drugs where it's like, yeah, not even once. That's how I feel about meth personally. And I feel that way about heroin too, to a certain extent. I wouldn't try either of those things.

I might snort some heroin if it were, if it were legal, I think I'd snort some. I wouldn't inject it though. That seems like a much more, um, much more, um. What's the one you inhale on a burning spoon? Uh, that doesn't exist. The, um, the, the, the spoon thing is you're, you're, you're drawing that into a syringe and injecting it. What's the one you inhale on a burning spoon? That doesn't exist. The spoon thing is you're drawing that into a syringe and injecting it. That's heroin.

Oh, you're thinking of freebasing. Freebasing? Crack. Yeah. And that could be methamphetamine or crack cocaine. Okay. They've got a piece of aluminum foil, a torch underneath, and then they sort of suck it up with a with a tube or something i definitely want one of those really cool lighters that go oh you can use that for weed though yeah for dabs

you said a big one okay they took it yeah they took everything assholes they took my bong i had you remember my bong taylor it was killer yeah it was very cool and now it's gone I bet it's sitting in some evidence room like it's a fucking murder weapon or like can you describe it yeah I will there's like fibers from

a murder scene and there's like a bloody knife from a robbery and there's bullets pulled from a wall from a shooting and then there's my big ass fucking two and a half foot tall bong this big around with like a big ass base on it like we would call it like a beaker with just a long top like a bong like i guess yeah like like the the main part of it like that you'd like inhale that up was like two and a half three inches in diameter on the inside and then a big bottom part full of water and then you know the part where the spout goes where you put the bowl and everything we went to colorado and it was

like we're gonna be here like seven to ten days and it's like we could either smoke out of one of those cheap bowls which is like a little glass pipe it's kind of harsh to smoke out of, especially if you're going to be smoking a lot. Or we get a bong. And at first we were like, yeah, let's all chip in and get a bong. And then I was just like, you know what? Let me get the bong. And then it'll just be my bong. And then I'll just take it with me.

And we don't have to worry about shared ownership of bong. Like, what are we going to do with this thing? Tell me you bailed it to yourself to get it home. You're goddamn right I made it. What are we going to do with this thing? Tell me you mailed it to yourself to get it home. You're goddamn right I mailed it to you. Who's checking the mail? Man, so you must have felt like just the wizard of the mail. It's just a magic portal.

From here to there. Nobody checks. Hey, look. I only did that thing once and got caught. It wasn't hundreds of times. Of course not. Roger that. That was a pretty neat moment. Yeah, they took that.

Was it clear? What color was it? I don't remember. Green, maybe. I don't remember. It was very classy. Very classy. Now, why is a ping pong good? You take bigger breaths, or is it less harsh? I felt like

the smoke was cooling off a lot by the time it got to me. It was doing a lot of percolating in cold water and what i would do is put is fill that long tube that goes up with ice cubes so the smoke is literally going through ice cubes and cooling it off more um because the the heat of the smoke is is kind of the bad part um it's part it's it's one of the bad parts i should say um so kind of eliminating that makes a cooler hit like not just yeah radical cool but like oh this is a life i followed i kept up not like radical cool like

temperature cool like tubular but like oh this isn't quite as harsh uh on my lungs kind of kind of thing and yeah they took my propane torch you know i had i had one of those big daddy green campfire propane tanks like like this big with the propane thing to to heat oh no this is not an approved use of propane you were an olympic level pot smoker i smoked a lot yeah yeah i smoked a lot i really enjoy marijuana i feel lot. I really enjoy marijuana. I don't feel like it changes me too much as a person. I just really enjoy my day. I do all the same things. I just enjoy them more.

I didn't realize how big a role pop played in the Colorado thing. I thought you loved the outdoors and you were excited about a view of mountains and snow-covered hilltops. I think Taylor might have thought that a little bit too when he came on the trip i remember like even as i was leaving like like talking to like my mom and dad they're being like oh you're going out there and they're like oh so you're probably going to be smoking pot and i was like yeah yeah we'll take advantage of that

but i'm really going to try and get them to go skiing with me because i'm looking forward to like a day of skiing or something and i get there and i feel like as they picked me up at the airport you know i they're all in there i get in the i feel like as they picked me up at the airport you know they're all in there i get in the car and like talking about where we're gonna eat and everything and i think i said something in passing where it's like man i'm really excited to ski too and both kyle and chis are like yeah we're not doing that we're gonna we're gonna go to this house we rented and we're gonna get really high and then like later that night i was like i brought some magic cards and then we're all just like we should all go spend hundreds of dollars

on magic cards and play and that's we went to walmart and i was just like fucking came out of there with like it was thousands of cards that i bought like they don't get that if you buy the, it's not that crazy expensive. Me and Chiz and Taylor and my girlfriend are just beyond wasted just playing magic on that table. That's what I enjoy doing. Playing games and being

stoned are my favorite things to do. Even working out is so much better high, I think. You kind of zone out and it kind of feels good like like the burn kind of has like a better feel to it almost if that makes any sense i don't know i like the pump tried that if i ever get a pump i i don't know i'm also just whatever 10 bigger and i feel good about it sure yeah i like every everything's better on marijuana

i can't think of what is one thing that's not as good when you're stoned? Scary situations. It's so much better. Paranoia is not a problem? It is for some people. It affects different people in different ways. My cousin always refused to smoke. What if there's a policeman

with lights on the car outside? In Colorado, it was like, there was one and we wanted to investigate remember i took the camera out there and showed you guys yeah um yeah a bunch of like loud two-stroke bikes just like back in front back and down yeah yeah nothing you know i feel like i can yeah i think i can't think of anything that's not as good uh while smoking marijuana i think excuse me that's not as good while smoking marijuana. Excuse me, that's not better while smoking marijuana.

It's going to be legal. Yeah. Like if Bernie wins, I literally think it'll be legal nationally in the next two or three years. Yeah, on the federal level. That'd be great. But I don't think that means that the states have to change. They did for gay marriage. Right.

Yeah, I actually don't know if you're right or not i'm not sure i don't i don't know i know that i'm hoping that like bernie gets elected and then they're like oh kyle well you're done they're expunging your record and you're free to go and yeah piss you don't have to come in here and piss for mark anymore and i can just like how long is your guns back for warning? It is just a very heavy metal cube. How long is your drive to the piss place? Yes. So usually it's about 20 minutes or so. Um, today there was so much traffic. It must've been 40 minutes each way. Uh, and like during the holidays, I guess that place couldn't service me and so i had to drive all the way to like the federal probation offices and go through the fucking metal detectors

and go back there and see my probation officer and piss for them and it's an hour each way yeah yeah i was wondering why it had to be so far like i feel like if if you live where i did there's a bunch of like tests. I know you do pee, but I assume they do blood too. No, no. It's just urine and it has to be a specific kind of place. This place works with the probation office

and I don't think everybody else does. Yeah, it's just pee and they don't look at your dick either. Nobody's ever looked at my dick. I knew that it was just pee. I they don't look at your dick either. Nobody's ever looked at my dick. I knew that it was just pee. I just thought the same facility might handle both. No, no.

It's not a medical facility at all. They do counseling at this place. And they do AA meetings there. And they do counseling for PTSD. They do counseling for traumatic stress. They do all sorts of drug... When you're getting over... I can't think of it.

Drug rehab counseling and stuff like that. And they give their opinions back to the probation officer. Immediately when I went in, they were like, he doesn't have any addiction to any substances at all. We don't recommend any more sessions. That's over? All the sessions? any more sessions. That's over? All the sessions? Oh yeah, that's been over for a long time. Yeah, yeah.

You said something in the what the heck is corn fed? I've heard that a bunch of times and I can't figure out what it really means. That just means those big midwestern boys. Like a big, yeah, big beefy midwestern guy. Farmer kind of person. Okay.

What is it if a woman's corn fed? Same thing? I've never heard of a corn fed Like a big, yeah, big, beefy, Midwestern guy. Farmer kind of person. Okay. Yeah. What is it if a woman's corn-fed? Same thing? I've never heard of a corn-fed woman. No. I would assume just like a hardy, like farmer. Hardy gal. Style gal.

Yeah. Okay. She wears a lot of denim, maybe some flannel. Capable of milking things. Yes. I hope so. Penises and cows. And prostates.

I didn't even know what I was saying. Yeah, and prostates. I looked up the lemon juice thing. It's used as a case study in the Dunning-Kruger effect, which is when you think you're better at things than you really are. The identification... Oh, okay. Unskilled and unaware of it,

how difficulties in recognizing one's own incompetence leads to inflated self assessments. The identification derived from the cognitive bias based, I'm sorry, cognitive bias evident in the criminal case of MacArthur Wheeler who robbed banks while his face was covered

in lemon juice which he believed would make him invisible to surveillance cameras. This belief was based on the misunderstanding of the chemical properties of lemon juice as an invisible ink. Oh, he's retarded. I knew it. Yeah, you were onto something. Why didn't he put the lemon juice on any other object and then look at it

first? Why didn't he realize that, hey, I can see lemons? Unskilled and unaware of it, right? This guy figured that he was smarter than everyone else. He had no idea how dumb he was. I would use that. If I'm his defense lawyer, I'm like, your honor, my client believed that putting lemon juice on his face would make him literally invisible due to the nature of lemon juice creating invisible ink we're pleading retardation yeah he felt like it would work invisible to surveillance cameras but again like

look in the mirror what do you think take a picture of yourself with a polaroid before you commit a federal crime exactly this is a testable i feel like you don't rob a bank just assuming you're right but i guess they give you 25 years for that that's the dunning-kruger effect lots of people think they're better than they really are at things yeah everybody thinks they're a good driver but but then that makes it so that like if you are actually a good driver you just got to keep your mouth shut you could you could actually you could actually be a confident human being with your head on straight and be like you know i have i'm actually a very good driver i know i am oh wait is it the dunning-kruger effect no no no i am i am but i can't i can never say anything because everybody

thinks they're a good fucking driver well almost everybody i can think of a few people who probably know i well my wife must know she's not a good driver i have to believe that i actually my self-assessment has dropped since i got the truck now that i drive a bigger truck uh it often takes me more than one try to get into a parking spot like i don't hit anything but you know i'm not straight i have to pull out and straighten it and uh um like i have a friend for example who can pull it backwards and do it straight every time gotta rank him above you you know just got it he's better parker at least yeah right well that's another thing the the lane assist in my truck makes me very aware of any time a tire gets near the white line because it steers me back on when i was in in the Tacoma, you know, I don't know.

I just like... There's a scraping noise. I must have gotten there. No, you don't know. You don't like if you're watching this and your car doesn't alert you to the fact that you've touched a white line, you probably underestimate how often it happens

or you're just a very good driver. So I don't know. Today I was driving and I was charging my watch and it was in like a cup holder and I, I picked it up just to look at what the percentage was and I touched a white line and I'm like, fuck, I probably wouldn't even notice that had I not been in a truck that tells me.

Yeah. Let me, uh, let me knock out the last ad here. This episode of PK is brought to you by our good friends over at squarespace from from personal blogs and e-commerce destinations to marketing tools and analytics that'll help your business succeed squarespace is the all-in-one platform where you can build and establish a beautiful online presence and run your business with ease don't have a domain yet well that's no problem because in addition to configuring third-party domains, customers can also purchase domains directly through Squarespace. Over 200 TLDs are currently available for purchase, and each domain with Squarespace comes with a beautiful parking page and free WHOIS privacy. There's nothing to install, patch, or upgrade ever. You won't need any plugins to get going,

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Who would win in speedball? I'm going to make this wood. I said it wrong. Who would win in speedball i'm gonna make this wood i didn't i said it wrong who would win in paintball i'm gonna make this like a woods based paintball scenario not the speedball with the inflatable things a professional paintball team or a group of navy seals uh paintball team okay why um because we're not shooting real guns and uh and that changes everything um and we're not shooting real guns and that changes everything. And we're not, life and death is not on the line and that changes everything.

All right. I've played against police departments and I've played against like army guys and it's like their communication is great, but it's like they're playing like these are rifles and they also are playing like they're using rifles when these are paintball guns like you gotta close you gotta be aggressive there's a lot of covering fire um there's a lot of flanking which they're they're all good at but

but it's just paintball they're also probably not used to like 300 round magazines the paintball players are gonna are gonna win because it's their thing. Okay. For the same reason the paintball players would die if we switched to rifles. I'm trying to make it more in the home court of a SEAL or a cop or something. What if it was an indoor airsoft course? I would probably lean toward the SEALs in that scenario because it's much, much more like what they actually do. Okay. Yeah, those big looping paintballs are a whole different thing. much more like what they actually do. Yeah. You know,

there's big looping paint balls or a whole different thing. I'm going to put topics. I haven't even pre-read this topic, but let's see. My friend, me and my, I can read. Me and friend were visiting his sister.

You can read, but you can't write. Yeah, that was the tricky part. We were visiting his sister and brother-in-law a few years ago, and she specifically warned us not to talk about time travel. Her husband and one of his friends recently had a long multi-hour discussion regarding whether it was possible, how it could be possible, etc. So we take him to the bar, get a couple beers in him, and then ask him about time travel.

For three hours, we had a serious discussion, including writing on one of their chalkboards about time travel. We got other members of the bar to chime in, staff, etc. In the end, he had brought us round after round of beer just to keep the conversation going. I've done this a few more times. There's no question in this. drawing so hard well i just wanted to let you know it was cool thanks idiot so anyway welcome to rambling bob's

so this is like last night i was watching an old episode of gun smoke bar arguments the first part of it and I didn't think I'd seen it. And then by the end of it, I remembered I've seen this one. That's when I realized I'm not even watching Gunsmoke. This is Bonanza. I was confused because

they're Haas and Little Joe is and Hop sings bringing them biscuits. This isn't Gunsmoke. I also confused Buffy the and Hop sings bringing them biscuits. That's hitting gun smoke. Yeah. I also confused Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I Dream of Genie. I was shocked when she killed the first guy.

I was like, well, this show used to be a lot more lighthearted. The earlier episodes weren't even in color. It's a hot dog and sandwich. Have we talked about this this we've talked about it and probably have and it's not not a sandwich meets most of the qualifications of a sandwich nope nope that's the only argument i need nope i feel like uh two slices of bread are required for a sandwich also more than well i feel like you more than all sorts of like hoagies as a sandwich

and subs yeah but isn't that two pieces of bread I mean they cut it down the side but they split it that's a good point but usually it's two separate slices I like it to be like that I don't think a hot dog is a sandwich it's not in my book you're just a hot dog racist of some sort

because it's really meeting all the qualifications of a hot dog. I love hot dogs too. I like my hot dogs on the grill burned. If it's not at least a little burned with that crackling crispy skin, I'm not interested. I boil them in a brine of salt water and spices until they're very well cooked

and then I pan sear them in cast iron with a bit of avocado oil until they get blistered and then I serve themar them in cast iron with a bit of avocado oil until they get blistered. And then I serve them immediately on a steamed bun. Mustard, fresh onion, horseradish, and a bit of hot sauce. A little mustard too. That sounds good. It sounds like a lot of mustard because you said mustard twice.

It is a lot of mustard. Oh, it's just a lot of mustard. There's mustard on the bottom and the top. I really like mustard. It's a lot of mustard. Oh, it's just a lot of mustard. There's mustard on the bottom and the top. I really like mustard. It's my favorite thing. If I could only pick one topping for the hot dog, it would just be mustard. I'd go jalapenos or sauerkraut. I like sauerkraut a lot.

I like sauerkraut, too. There's just going to be one. I'm thinking chili. I don't even have chili dogs much. That's a good point. Chili might be a little bit. Chili's like a cheat, where it's like, ah, I can only have one thing. What if we mash five things together? That's what I did.

I don't think a lot of people saw chili coming from me. It is often confused. They think that I hate chili. No. It's Jackie's chili. It's my wife's chili. Yes. I could send her some recipes.

That's so easy. Right? She should just try another recipe we could have chili in our lives just not that chili chili could be a thing honey no this is the way I make it this is the way my mom made it you make it in the slow cooker that's the way to do it

I think she does god what's wrong it's the chili powder I make my own chili powder. Oh, I think she starts with a mix or something. Not enough. You never start with a mix. You just need like five or six bottles of different things.

There's cumin and paprika, a little cayenne, some chili powder. It's not a mixture of, it's not chili mix or chili starter. It's chili powder. Is Hormel's chili a thing? That's a canned chili. No, it's not a can though. I've seen it. It's a chili pout is that maybe what you're saying that's a canned chili it's not a can though I've seen it it's a bag of dust oh wow you don't want to put that in there that's full of all sorts of nitrates

and preservatives whatever makes you vomit that's what's in there I put three different kinds of beans and I brown my beef until it's just perfect got this fond going on. And I, it, I put chicken stock in there as a, and crushed tomato, San Marzano tomatoes that I crushed myself with a, with a food mixer. And like eight hours later, it's, it's so delicious.

It's so good. Beans don't agree with me very well. I get very bloated, very gassy. Beans don't agree with me very well. I get very bloated, very gassy. Little Beano. Yeah, Beano does work wonders. I don't like chili on my hot dogs because I don't like any... I don't like turning the hand food into no longer a hand food.

When I have to use a knife and fork for my hot dog, I don't want to. You're putting too much chili on there. Well, that's the way you always see chili dogs at ballparks and shit, really slathered on there. I just could put a little tablespoon of chili on there, a little pop. That's not too bad. I love hot dogs. Maybe we need a better bun, Taylor.

Right? I think if your bun had more space to hold the chili, your problem would be solved. The problem is your bun can barely contain the dog, and the chili is just spilling around. That's probably what the problem is. I'll rework it next time and I'll come back with this. Yeah, come back. Put a study on it.

I want someone to animate this conversation but not with hot dogs and buns but with sex, anal sex. I think the problem is your bun is too small for the hot dog and you're just getting chili everywhere. It's just getting chili all over the place. It's just knocking on the door not getting in and blows oh beans don't agree with me that's a good line for that

it's you looking back at me beans don't agree with me just south park style yeah like when chef died yeah it's they have to like reinforce that chef's not coming back they're like there's mountain lions coming for him like rips his face off maybe he'll be okay oh there's a bear and first the bear in the mountain lion fight but then they decide to just play tug of war with chef's body fuck that guy for being a temperamental bitch about his religion yeah he was fine making fun of every religion and then we get to like Scientology and he throws a shit fit. Fuck you.

I get to his made up cult of religion. Right, that's nonsense. Ooh, a public freak out. I love public freak outs. This one's a couple weeks old. I've had it in my pocket for quite some time. Alright, I love a good freak out video. Alright, let's turn the volume up. All right. All right. I love a good freak out video. All right.

Let's turn the volume up. The value. You guys ready? I am. Ready, set, play. So they're on it.

God damn fucking blade. You want to be shitty and bitchy to me? You will see me fucking wanna be You will Get me the fuck off this blade You know who my brothers are? They're fucking marine snipers! You wanna fuck with a fucking marine? Get that woman a parachute! Oh, I wish... I wanna see her get beaten terribly.

Take a thrust. She's stomping like a child. This is a tantrum. I have an idea. Give her a life preserver. Tell her it's a parachute. Let her jump. Good camera work.

Yeah, solid. Oh, she's going to cry. Come on. Oh, she's going to cry. Let her out. That's on my team. Wow. What a horrible human being. Yeah, real cunt.

She sounds a lot like Miss Crabapple from South Park. I feel like... Shut up and sit down! People didn't see the backstory, but a Spirit Airlines flight had to land for another passenger who needed immediate medical attention. That's why she was freaking out. Because she didn't want to land for the person who was dying?

It appears that way, yeah. You little bitch. I was scrolling through Public Freakout. So here's Indian police slapping men who were traveling to the ladies coach of the New Delhi Metro. What? I saw that.

And the cops are waiting on them like a fucking gauntlet. And the men are shocked at what comes at them. I'm a zero. All right, I'm a zero. All right. I'm on my way.

Slapping men. I'll be in a minute. They're slapping the piss out of them. It's pretty good. All right. Volume up. Unit zero. Ready, set, play.

Look at that. that one got two! Look there's one in there just dragging him out. See the one with the kid? They gave him a pass. Looks like he's with his wife too. Yeah I think he's allowed because he's got the kid. In the comments I went through this. He's not. They gave him a pass. In other countries, that would be... There's female... There's female-only trains

in, like, Europe, and literally guys and kids are allowed on, guys with their wives are allowed on, but in India, that's not the case. And someone goes,

is that an undercover male cop, or was he just smart enough to start slapping the other guys like he knew what he was doing? I didn't catch that. All right, then. Yeah, come on, guys. Let's get him.

Fucking perverts. And the cop's like, oh, that's the undercover, huh? Yeah, I heard about him. You would not believe how many perverts I find on this train. There are very, very many perverts on this train. I get distracted with this lap according to the comments groping is a big enough issue that uh well he is like they're slapping i'm watching that they have female only trains cars so uh that these guys are going on the female

only cars and not giving them the space they deserve pulled theed the old Italy in World War II. There's a whole genre of Japanese pornography that's all about groping on trains. We really did a number on them with those. I think I've talked about it before, but the time stop Japanese porno where the guy has the magic watch and he goes, click, and everybody freezes. And then he's like a bad guy at a buffet

he's just like the world is his oyster now to fuck and he's just like fucking every and all the women are just like or then there's one where the guy has an invisibility uh power but of course like how do you film invisibility in a porno well you could spend a hundred thousand dollars on cgi or you could just put him in a skin tight white suit with his dick hanging out and so that's what they do he's dressed in like a ninja suit with just the eyes showing all white and he's supposed to be

invisible except for his cocks out and he's just banging them in the mouth and they're all just like what's going on? I don't know all I had to type in was time stop japanese funny porn right up one 1.8 million results i feel like i had this like daydream as a teenager that i would have that power oh man if i could stop time i would just be a rapist.

Look at the dead eyes. That's the best part. These women are really committed to this role. Just complete dead eyes because they're supposed to be frozen as he spreads their ass cheek and examines their asshole. This is so strange. When I say that, he's literally like,

yeah. Now he's literally like, Yeah. Now he's eating it. She was looking for a fucking book on a shelf, and now she's standing there with dead eyes as he eats her asshole. Oh, we're watching different shows. No, I'm skipping around. I went straight to the good part. Oh, yeah, you zipped right to...

There's another scene. This is two videos in one. There are multiple scenes. And if you scroll down, tons of related videos. Man, Japan's into some very unique things. Well, it's okay, Taylor. They pixelated the crotches, so it's

not really even porn. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what the fuck is this oh my god yeah i've had enough of this oh we're just getting started well then throw another funny one in there if you got it yeah well i don't know if you're gonna laugh at all but well i i got the gist of the last so if you if you guys want to watch along, this is on Xvideos. This video is called Tentacle Room 1, the number one, and 2. So hot.

It's 50 minutes of this. I'm at zero. A degree to disagree. I'm 26 minutes in already. Okay. I'm starting it. Oh, no. So it's a cartoon man, cartoon dog man. Oh, no. Oh, no. So it's a cartoon man.

Cartoon dog man. Oh, no. Oh, wow. He's attacking, not attacking. He's like rubbing a slave. I only know because her shirt says slave. It doesn't get really bad until 30 minutes, 30 seconds. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. I don't think she's going to survive this fucking... I'm jumping ahead to five minutes. Okay. Well, what happened in the four minutes I missed? You know what the funniest part of this is? They still blur it. They do.

Right now, through telepathy, I suppose, an entire Hitachi wand is disappearing until there's only about six inches left of it in and out, in and out, in and out. Like at around like 47 minutes. At nine minutes and 30 seconds, she appears to be being digested by some sort of... Yeah, she's in like some sort of pod. She doesn't look like she's...

Ventricle porn is not my thing at all I don't find it the least bit hot well this isn't good tentacle porn Woody I'll turn you on here's one where a spider fucks her this is terrible she doesn't look happy

about this at all that's literally like a spider is fucking her in this one oh now there's a bunch of robots but no they're like they're like hypnotic jellyfish with brains in them i okay i'm i'm okay i just lost a small piece of my soul i'm gonna i'm gonna stop i clicked out of the tentacle thing it was just so silly and there's a guy watching on almost a feature film of this. It's 50 minutes of, yeah.

Like they wouldn't make it 50 minutes if there weren't demand for it. Like if, if their customers weren't saying, Oh, why only a 20 minutes? We pay a good price for a 50 minute corner room. 50 minutes.

50 minutes. There's demand for this and so it was done. That's just how it works. There's a reason why certain things are a certain way. It's supply and demand. Some companies out there, they really want nearly one hour of this and the animator is just

like all right let me he's he's gonna get wasted to animate this you know he does there's nobody there's no way he's animating this sober and then somebody's gonna go in after the fact and blur it i have to imagine them like like like hey the uh the intern who usually blurs out all the technical porn he's out today so we're having to contract the same company that blurs faces out for uh witnesses to see those people have to deal with this what's wrong with the japanese i mean they do a lot of things right do you think it was the shame of the World War II thing?

I don't know, I don't know what it is but something went on I read today that when the Emperor of Japan read his letter it was the first time for one thing that the Japanese people had ever heard his voice I knew that but apparently he used such...

His language was such that the common folk couldn't understand it really well, and they didn't understand the meaning. Because he never says the word surrender. He just sort of beats around the bush with colorful language. And if you're intelligent, I'm sure you'd pick it up, but

a lot of peasants and farmers and stuff, agrarian society to some extent, and they were just like, what? For a long time, people had to go around and explain to each other. No, no. He was saying we quit.

It's over. It's over. Oh, no. he was saying we quit it's over oh no this make me want to see girl raped by octopus if only we could oppose the time we could have won the war and molested many women

but more just won the war just won the war and molested many women. But we'll just wonder what the war. I think it would be the women. Yeah, that would be the main thing probably. I didn't know that about them saying it in a way that the common person didn't know. Yeah, I read through

the English translation. It was like, we must endure the unendurable, etc it's like he never says like we've lost we've been beaten we surrender it's okay next time yeah stand down marines we'll get them next time 300 000 people used to live there. Now it's a ghost town. Yeah, it didn't happen. Now you got Nagasaki. They deserve it, right? I mean, not the innocent people. It's not terrorism when American

kill civilians. Exactly. We can do anything, but as long as we're fighting a war on terror. Right, yeah. Now all those kids in Afghanistan and Iraq, but as long as we're fighting a war on terror. Right, yeah. Now, all those kids in Afghanistan and Iraq, they don't think we're terrifying to really, you know, we're the good guys. Afghanistan nannies are, they were at war against us. These are dangerous people that sometimes make upwards of $5 a day.

I play with an Iraqi guy. They are your enemy. I play Tarkov with an iraqi they are your enemy i play tarkov with an iraqi guy he's uh he's since uh relocated to um um the netherlands and uh whenever upgrade yeah big time right whenever he brings up he's like yeah i learned english from uh u.s soldiers i'm like you're welcome. He's like, yeah, yeah, you know, they came in and invaded this and did that. And I was like, you're welcome. Anytime he brings anything up that he has or that has happened well in his life, I say you're welcome.

And he gets very, it grates on him after three or four hours. Yeah, I'm sure it gets funnier and funnier with each iteration. Oh, to me, it does. He's never laughed once. But he still plays with you. He must be pretty good if he makes your gut.

You had fewer mouths to feed, didn't you? Huh? You're welcome. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. I saw you out there whooping that statue with a sandal. You were all over CNN. You were super happy that third day in don't you can't just

turn around on us yeah the gall of him some people just they don't appreciate your help you know i mean like you come and you do everything for them you spend hundreds of billions of dollars trillions well on okay a a hundred ten hundreds of billions well I was I think that's when you combine Afghanistan in

you know but I don't know what we spent in Iraq maybe a trillion you know we spent a trillion dollars on your

little country fixing it up you know you had all those shitty buildings that needed to be torn down

we found the most expensive way possible to do that I mean they wouldn't allow our demo teams to just come in like with 9-11 so we had to drop on us

these are also facts probably Tower 7 people look at I don't know how people can talk about Donald Trump worst president ever when we just had George W. Bush twice people have a short fucking Trump, worst president ever, when we just had George W. Bush twice.

People have a short fucking memory. No, worst president. At least Donald Trump seems to be an actual president, whereas George W. Bush was like, hey, get up there. Abe Lincoln went to war with America. That's pretty bad. He killed a quarter million Americans.

There were 600,000 casualties. Yeah, but He killed a quarter million Americans. There were 600,000 casualties. Yeah, but he killed a quarter million. The Union had more losses than the Confederacy? That's what I'm going with. Oh, okay. Let's go on. Yeah, I don't think that's the argument you want with that. He was educated in a Georgian school.

Yeah. The Union paid heavy prices invading the southern fields of the heartland. Many a match were burnt in taking down Atlanta. They really burnt the whole city. That wasn't very nice. Well, Missouri was ready to take

whatever side won. Civil War casualties. was ready to take whatever side won. Civil War casualties. I'm going to guess more in the South just because the burning of Atlanta. A ton of civilians and people died. Scourbond!

What do you got? 360,000 from the North and 258 from the South. So8 from the south. So really, the south won. By 100,000. That's a pretty big win. 102,000.

It sounds like you guys were the aggressors now. Well, we went all the way up to Pennsylvania. Well, we got them to surrender, but unfortunately, we decide war on a pure number basis. So, they win. Well, did we win or lose Vietnam, Taylor? We lost.

That's not very patriotic of you to admit. Then we won badly. It was a Pyrrhic victory. It was a tie. Yeah, we got we got beaten vietnam yeah pretty good but we had you know we lost 50 000 god knows how many they lost we won every battle i'm gonna guess they lost half a million to our 50 000 most of them weren't Viet Cong, though. They were probably civilians. And some of them were only a few months old. Yeah. See that horrible picture

of all the naked kids running away from Agent Orange? You know, that kind of stuff? Well, Agent Orange is what stripped the leaves off the trees. You're thinking of napalm. Oh. Well, then, napalm. So, total deaths, 1.3 million. Agent Orange strips the leaves off trees so that they can see the guys

the undergrowth of the jungle it's a chemical compound that causes severe side effects in our veterans Allied military deaths 280,000 NVA slash VC 444,000 civilian deaths both sides

627,000 civilian deaths, both sides, 627,000. Um, yeah. So a million died, uh, and, uh, allies lost 280,000.

I didn't know it was 280,000. I think 50 were us. That seems really high. Oh, wait. Then again, you think 50 of the 280 was a million? I thought 50,000 Americans died.

You still think that? Yeah. So who else in the 280 died? I'm looking for that now. I would guess. I know the French were there. Weren't the French there before us? Were they there at the same time?

It says 58,220 U.S. military fatal casualties in Vietnam. Maybe the other allies were the Vietnamese who were on our side. North Vietnam was supported by the Soviet Union and China and other communist allies. South Vietnam was supported by the United States, South Korea, the Philippines, Australia, Thailand, and others.

Maybe a lot of those were South Vietnamese. Yeah, I guess so. South Vietnamese soldiers who couldn't be trusted, those shifty-eyed bastards. You got to kill them, too, because reasons. And Kyle, these people also made upwards of $5 a day and were a threat to America.

These are indisputable facts. I mean, our own intelligence agency stole this yeah i'll tell you if first vietnam falls next thing they're rolling into atlanta that's so funny when like on like fox or cnn or something like a c an xcia which are you really ever xia will be like nope these people are dangerous and we need to be over there and we need to do it and a lot of people like okay well he would probably know and then like if we watch like rt and it's like now today we have kgb agent victor vladislav davidov and he says we need to do this in foreign nation because they are very scary people and he's like oh yes the most. We'd be like, propaganda, propaganda.

Yeah. I love that argument of yours. And actually it was enlightening for me. Like I think I was a sucker who would listen to a CIA person and be like, well, no one knows more than this guy, you know? But now it's like- The difference is the CIA guy

may be being told to say a thing, but he's not being forced to say a thing. You really think the CIA doesn't force people to do things? No, I don't think the CIA forces its retired agents to go on Fox News and say things. However, I do think that the fucking Russians probably do force some people to go on the news and say things. I don't know.

I mean, we've had a lot more to see. You've you think that's literally like i know honey i had to say those things but they were going to kill you if i didn't the cia was going to kill me yes i i can see that playing out in russia but not in the united states i don't know the scorecard of how many governments destabilized by the kgb versus the cia like cia is way in the lead yeah we're good at our jobs. All right. I wasn't prepared for that. You're right. I mean, you know,

extending America's reach throughout the world. I'm happy with that. You know, just ruining South America. Yeah. I mean, do you really want competition down below? I don't think so.

Competition in what? They already have all the best beaches and shit. No, I was I was reading about this recently. Gary saw the Olympics. What were they beating us in the Olympics? No, no, no.

The beaches in the Olympics. How polluted that shit. Remember how polluted Brazil was? Yeah, yeah, that's true. Brazil, they haven't done a very good job making it nice. Gary Webb was a... So I guess what happened was the CIA put like crack or something in the

in some communities and Gary Webb was an investigative journalist who outed it found the CIA guilty of spreading drugs in America and it was kind of a bad thing so the CIA killed him claimed it was a suicide two shots to the head

yeah lots of stories like that with the cia that to me was a fucking flex like oh you want to report on the cia two gunshots to the head suicide i can't imagine a two gunshot to the head suicide that is like i think you're not supposed i think you're not supposed to believe it i think you're supposed to understand think you're not supposed to believe it i think you're supposed to understand that you don't fuck with the cia it's like the lannisters making an example of someone yeah that's exactly what it's like don't reference that garbage show i'm sorry yeah fuck that show fuck those guys i hope that's who i hope that something awful happens to those guys the dnd guys i hope that any new show they make fucking sucks now fuck that i hope

something bad happens like like the worst thing that you can imagine like a stub toe a leg i wish they would no we are the wrong page. Tentacle rape or a fiery car crash or whatever. I'm kind of enjoying what's actually happening. I don't know if I should, but everything they try to do gets canceled before it gets off the ground. Good. I don't want to watch anything they ever make.

I'm telling myself that if Gur Martin ever actually releases those books, I'm going to not read them out of spite. But I know I'm going to end up reading them if he actually releases them. But he's not going to release them. That fat fuck, there's no chance. He's going to die.

I hope he dies. Well, you're going to get your wish. How old is that guy? He's one of those guys who looks way older than he is. I think so. I'm going to guess 68, though. What did he come up with? He is 71.

Looks like a cool 90. Yeah. He doesn't have the body type of a guy who lives into his 80s. No. No, he doesn't. Or his mid-70s. He doesn't look like he should have made it this far. Right?

Yeah. He's on borrowed time. I wish someone would kill him. I would cut his face off or something. He's on borrowed time. I wish someone would kill him. I would, like, cut his face off or something. He's reverse. Is it Frey? Walter Frey I'm going for, right? You guys have heard me say many times, so I'll tell it in fast forward.

Walter Frey lived his best life, his version of best life. Fucking his children and having 19 sons or whatever. And he didn't really have a bad life until the last few days. Outside of that he lived a wonderful wonderful walter fray's best life well this guy had the opposite he found success when his body was already ruined but he did find success yeah yeah bring me the brishes

i'm sure he's enjoyed the last few years you know he's fucking some You think he's fucking people Well there's a chemical enhancement there Yeah This is a good time to bring up Bluetooth Yeah I'm gonna write you right in Yeah you're gonna be Cersei's handmaiden in the show Yeah Get the fuck out of here

I can't believe you did that Gross Look at how nasty I am out of here. I can't believe you did that. Gross. Look at how nasty I am. I'm a baby. Do you have any self-respect? Look at what you just fucked. Joey Diaz has made a pretty similar joke. He's like,

oh, you poor bitch. You suck my dick. Oh, God. That's like cruelty to animals that's funny do you guys want to call it a yeah we can knock it out I enjoyed our guest there he was a lot of fun yeah I hope he can stay longer next time

yeah he was a fun guy very cool any outros? nah BKA 475