Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #476

Starting point is 00:00:00 pka476 with our guest pastilli kyle a couple sponsors tonight express vpn and postmates we'll get to them later on of course but yeah we got our got our friend pastilli on tonight first time talking about you a good bit you know you had all that success on twitch and and i was you know i'm i'm super into tarkov of course so i'd already been watching you for a while and talked about you could be on the show and and glad to have you on thanks for having me um yeah people in chat were talking about you when and i remember you being in there and there was a heap of donations i was like is that the real one and then and then um and then there's some troll donations i think we spoke about this previously but yeah that's why i got confused i'm like maybe this guy's just being a dick yeah yeah i was sending i was sending like 15 or 20 bucks at a time and just say just like

Starting point is 00:00:46 giving the normal questions or like stuff like that just just being a normal human being but like strategy questions no just just being like you know um i don't remember what i asked maybe something about your military service or something like that oh i was asking like what was you had been up for like 30 hours or something like that. Oh, I was asking you had been up for like 30 hours or something like that and I was like did you ever stay up this long or longer while you were in the military? I was asking like normal questions

Starting point is 00:01:13 but then people would donate like a dollar in my name and just be like RSK for life, RSK for life, RSK for life. So there were a few of those. Hey, a dollar is few of those but money a dollar is a dollar yeah exactly a dollar is a dollar yeah people donate a dollar or two to me and call me fat all the time but that's money so so that was an enormous amount of success i whenever i see somebody

Starting point is 00:01:39 succeed like that especially if they're like you seem like a really genuinely nice guy on there you run kind of a a pg-13 stream i would say i mean you draw i call it that but it's not it's not yeah i mean sometimes a tar cop there's fuck is just gonna seep out but um but i i was enjoying your your videos for a long time before um you had all that success so i was really happy to to see you you know on the front page of twitch not just because it was you but also because you know it's the game i love and i i feel like it's kind of you know it wasn't the Twitch, not just because it was you, but also because it's the game I love and I feel like it's kind of, you know, it wasn't the most popular game,

Starting point is 00:02:08 but now it's really risen. And I think you're a big part of that. Tarkov's going to take over Twitch, I think. This year will probably be the year of Tarkov at the rate it's going. It's really taking over Twitch. But yeah, I don't have a PG-13 stream at all. It's purely for the fact that

Starting point is 00:02:22 I don't like seeing the C-bomb in my chat. I think it does scare away females mostly and i don't have many female viewers so if i can get a couple to hang about that's kind of nice we have literally dozens here you can talk shit about girls on this because they won't see it woody's mom does listen oh yes she does oh dude i'm sorry to interrupt but i got inspired i called my mom. And so I was in Florida last weekend. And I'm like, hey, mom, I'm an hour and a half from you. My parents are 70 and 72, and I don't see them often enough.

Starting point is 00:02:53 And I'm like, I'm busy all day. We often go to dinner. And I'm like, my days are fully accounted for. But if you want to come to me, you and dad, we can hang out. There's a park bench here. It's nice. It's sunny or whatever. And she's like, Matthew, I'm listening to you talk about my sex life on the show right now

Starting point is 00:03:10 and and i i pulled the shaggy defense i was like no no that that doesn't sound right and she's like no i i see you and i hear you you right now you're talking about my sex life and and how epic it it is and i was like nah nah, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. For now on, Woody, just go, oh, that was Taylor doing his Woody impression. Well, is he wearing a Woody mask? Because I'm pretty sure. He's been practicing throwing his voice all the way to the camera.

Starting point is 00:03:37 He's got one. Yeah. So, yeah, my mom watches the show. That can't be the first time she's heard you talking about how much dick she gets from your dad, right? No, but it was the first time that she was listening to me talk about it while we were on the phone together. That was the new part. Yeah. I changed the topic.

Starting point is 00:03:59 So during that stream, and Woody's wife's a lot like this as well. It was your wife's birthday, like during the massive stream where they're having the event and you've got like 80 to 100,000 viewers and it's her birthday. What was the conversation like with her? Like, honey, I know your birthday is coming up in three hours.

Starting point is 00:04:18 My wife quit her job back in May to work with me. So we've been like successful for a while now and so she'd actually been working part of the stream um doesn't actually stream and or edit she actually manages me more than anything um so she understands how it all works it's not just like it's like you know hey honey how's work today like she actually is involved quite heavily um so on the 30th which is the day before her birthday um her birthday's new year's eve on the 31st um i wasn't even in the mood to stream that day i was like oh i'll stream i'll see how

Starting point is 00:04:50 it go and then it went off and then within about three or four hours of it going crazy i i did my like break i got up and stretched to that and i said to my wife i'm like i think this is the 44 hour stream time like you know let's go let's go and just take this as far as we can. And she was straight up like, yeah, go for it. Because she understands, like, a birthday is a birthday, but making bank is making bank. Oh, yeah. And we can celebrate a birthday on a different day.

Starting point is 00:05:19 And obviously, I'm not obviously, I am in Netherlands now. So we've got this whole year planned in Europe. We're going to be traveling and doing a lot of fun stuff and having more money to do that. And to put it in perspective, I made enough for a house deposit during that stream. So that's now, you know,

Starting point is 00:05:35 that's put into an account and it's locked away for when we get back to Australia. And that's going to be our house deposit for when we return. So my wife and I, we talk all the time. We understand like the business life of it. And you don and i we talk all the time we understand like the business life of it and and you don't have these opportunities all the time so to throw it out at the window would be so stupid it would absolutely be stupid right for sure yeah imagine if you flipped it and

Starting point is 00:05:56 she had to pay tens of thousands of dollars or whatever to do whatever you were going to do and you have to take a walk in the park together she wouldn't buy it right she would choose to keep the money when you said when you said your wife manages you what's involved in managing you does she just deliver food while you work no so it's more like i might be projecting a little bit before that week i probably got about five to ten emails a day that were actually of relevance. And then there's like the accounting side. There's just promotional sides. It's getting us ready for Europe.

Starting point is 00:06:36 There's been a lot involved in the past six months. After that week, my inbox is so far behind with emails and they're actually like i went from just being a major tarkov streamer to holy shit this guy's actually you know holds good numbers and i'm known on twitch now so i'm not just known in tarkov i'm known on twitch so pretty much anyone who's anyone that gives a fuck has sent me an email by saying what what sort of feels like at least that's great. So was this trip to the Netherlands for a year, I assume this was planned way before that giant stream and whatnot.

Starting point is 00:07:14 Does this have to do with your streaming career or is it just like an extended vacation and you'll stream during it? No, for me it was back in about 2012, I was climbing a mountain with a mate and I said, hey, I wouldn't mind doing this around the world. And I started looking up people that had climbed the highest peak of every country in the world. And there was a guy that climbed every highest peak of Europe for each country. And he planned to do it in six months and a war broke out in Kosovo. He got held up for two years.

Starting point is 00:07:38 So the record stands at like 836 days at the moment. I'm like, I'll do it in a year. Sweet. And so, and then when i quit the army i actually uh i started streaming as a bit of a hobby to make friends and then um it all blew up and so like how do i incorporate streaming whilst traveling around europe now that the mountain size unfortunately i'll be lucky to get 20 mountains done whilst i'm in europe um but i still want to climb some peaks and have some fun while i'm over here the record's no longer a major thing for me it's more about just enjoying life because obviously things change after nearly

Starting point is 00:08:09 most of a decade oh yeah yeah you were talking about let that transition from the army to streaming and i guess in the military there there's like an exit uh interview where the guy's like all right so where are you going from here what are your plans outside the armed forces and you're like well i'm gonna stream some video games on my pc and i'm gonna play a lot i'll play a lot of video games and he's like i'll see you in a year yeah so it's a lot to you yeah you've spoken about this before it was it was close um so pretty much the way it worked was you do a few exit interviews and it's their responsibility to make sure you have a plan to get out and i said that i've been in the army eight years i've done a lot of random shit and i want to just become a human again because you surround yourself with the same people same type

Starting point is 00:08:59 of people for such a long period of time quitting quitting something like that you're institutionalized so your your thought patterns are always that kind of way and so for me it was like i'm going to get out i'm going to go fishing and play computer games and so we my wife got a job out in the middle of nowhere in the country right in this little coastal village our town there's about 3 000 people and um we signed up for the local lawn bowls team which is like kind of like bocce on grass and um and that was with like senior citizens everyone was retired and there's just us at like so you were just dominating no they're awesome at it they're absolutely awesome at it and um and i went fishing but see the best thing about it is those the the old fellas they know all the

Starting point is 00:09:44 fishing spots they only know how to catch the fish. So you make friends with them. They tell you how to catch the fish, and when I went fishing, it became a lot easier. Maybe you did better in the rugby league. I actually don't follow rugby at all. I'm from the southern states, so it's AFL here, Australian Rules Football.

Starting point is 00:10:00 But, yeah, so when I had the exit strategy with me, and they were like, what do you mean you're not going to get a job and i'm like i've got a couple of thousand dollars saved my wife's got a job i have no plans to to go work i'm just going to enjoy life for a bit because you guys are taking so much from me and he just looked at me as like we'll be back in three months i might bet you i won't be and so are there parts of the military that you miss, though? Like what I always hear is that the camaraderie and sort of the fact that every day is kind of planned out to some degree.

Starting point is 00:10:32 It's like, oh, I know what I'm doing at noon. I know what I'm doing when I wake up. Like prison. Yeah, it could be very comforting. Job security is definitely probably the biggest perk that you always miss because it's freaking hard to get fired from the army unless you get, like, done for drugs. And even then, like, there's probably ways around it.

Starting point is 00:10:52 I know there's some people who have gone away with it. No more drugs for you, all right? This is the eighth time. They do have a zero tolerance for it, but, like, it's a very a very yeah it's interesting how it works but honestly for me the main thing i miss is pretty much just the mates but even then the the thing is in australia when you sign up it's not compulsory to join the military but when you sign up you're gonna you're on a contract and for me it was four years and I think it still is for infantry. And what happens around that four-year mark is most people get out or they transition into a different position or role and that.

Starting point is 00:11:32 So at the four-year mark, all your mates kind of just go everywhere. And if you're still in, most of them get out. If you're still in, you kind of lose a lot of your mates. I actually studied Indonesian and lived over in Indonesia for a bit with work. When I came back to Australia, most of my mates were gone. indonesian and lived over in indonesia for a bit with work when i came back to australia most of my mates were gone so for me i was like this older guy and i signed up full-time at 21 so by this stage i was already like late 20s like you know so most of the guys were all 17 to 21 wanting to get drunk and have as much sex as possible and there's me nice senior citizen like i'm just

Starting point is 00:12:06 going to go to the gym and stay healthy i'm gonna go play bachi with old fucks yeah did you say you were in the infantry or yeah i was so i didn't do any time middle east it's the first question that comes up so it's the easiest way to say it straight up um but i spent a lot of time in southeast asia probably about two years in malaysia singapore thailand and indonesia um yeah where was the most fun place that you were deployed indonesia was definitely fun um my first trip over there i've got so many stories um the the first trip over there was when i was studying in melbourne and went to, we had a task, like a little project. This is with the School of Languages.

Starting point is 00:12:47 They sent us over there. And we had to walk up to random people in the street and just like interview them. But we walked up to this military guy and we started talking to him and he's like, oh, come do karaoke tonight. Come do karaoke. And me and my mate, we're like pretty extroverted kind of people with that kind of thing. We don't give a fuck if someone sees us sing it's like yeah sure we'll do go to karaoke

Starting point is 00:13:08 so we asked all like we did like an afternoon like orders or meetings in the afternoon and we're like oh we're gonna go to karaoke with these army guys anyone interested coming everyone's like nah and then we um we got picked up by this guy he had like police lights on his car it was like a pimped out like humphrey looking thing he takes us to this like exclusive karaoke bar and it's just like as soon as like we walk in there like oh we're in for it now and um it was like alcohol bottles over all the walls and it was just like and okay so 86 of the population of indonesia are muslim and mostly most people don't drink alcohol and we were in like a party kind of city and so for the instantly like alarm bells got off like holy we're in an interesting place here and we walked down this

Starting point is 00:13:58 hallway me and my and this indonesian guy put his like arms around us and he's like tonight's on me and that's all he said his english was hopeless but we spoke a bit of indonesian guy puts his like arms around us and he's like tonight's on me and that's all he said he was english was hopeless but we spoke a bit of indonesian walk around this corner and there's like two massive couches of the most glammed up beautiful indonesian girls and like i was like engaged at the time like this fuck with my current wife i'm like oh fuck and he's like you gotta pick one you gotta pick one like i'll pick one later i'll pick one later and yeah and long story short the night was pretty fucking crazy but pretty much i knew what to expect from that point uh with indonesia and working with the military over there because every time i went over on a translating gig i can't really get in shit for this anymore now so pretty much the first thing because i used to go over there with officers and then i'd go

Starting point is 00:14:44 i'd just be the translator and then the first thing that the military wanted to do was take us to karaoke bars and the officers like yeah it's actually cool to do that and i knew exactly what they were getting themselves into every night and i was just i just sit back and just enjoy the show it sounds like what they were getting them in getting into was alcohol and prostitutes yeah yeah yeah these are a few of my favorite things. It's really nice of Indonesian, I guess,

Starting point is 00:15:09 officers or whoever the fuck to do that. They pay for the night too and it wasn't cheap. I can tell you that because the future nights I had to pay for with the other guys.

Starting point is 00:15:15 Did you ever end up picking a gal? No, not me. Just to have her sit next to you? You go in the room and you're like, all right,

Starting point is 00:15:22 we're going to sit here and play a bit of backgammon. I don't know. Everyone's got a taste in women, but I'm not really attracted to Asian women at all. So for me, it was just, nah. Not a fan. Nah.

Starting point is 00:15:35 Hey, to each their own. So you mentioned that you never did serve in the Middle East. Is that a regret? Or is that a, I'm glad I didn't go over there, because I've seen what can happen every single person that works in the infantry and doesn't deploy will pretty much think the exact same as me as well as as the people i've spoken to you imagine like training up for this job all the time every single day you go to work you're working on your fitness

Starting point is 00:16:00 you go on exercises to like get your skills up and you never deploy, it's like getting blue balled so fucking hard. But at the same time, you understand that, like, you probably could have literally dodged a bullet by doing it. So it's like you really, really, really want to do it. And it's all about luck. There is no merit-based deployment. In infantry, it's, hey, we're sending my like I was in seven hour descending the seventh battalion, Charlie

Starting point is 00:16:28 Company. And if I was in Bravo Company, I missed the trip. And that happened pretty much every time. Yeah. It's like that question from Kill Bill. Like which re are you feeling right now? Regret or relief? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:41 And I guess it's kind of a mixture, you you know especially you kind of you're you're a family man you know it's a lot it's not just your chips on the table when you're if you go over there but at the same time i definitely understand what you're saying like how many years were you in eight eight yeah and right in the heart of like throughout the whole when things in the middle east were really going so yeah the first three years um we didn't get a deployment and like my battalion and they would like the hectic gears and then everything started come so the year i got to my battalion the right right before i got there was when everyone just came back and that was like a crazy trip that people were going to have issues from that trip. Like did I can, did you ever get to do any like joint exercises with other countries,

Starting point is 00:17:28 militaries, mostly Southeast Asian countries. I, I, I did meet a lot of Americans, but never really worked with them. Yeah. I guess what I was going to ask is like,

Starting point is 00:17:38 if that were the case, you know, did you ever meet like a, like, Oh, those guys from Mexico, they're the most hardcore guys in the world nobody knows it but those guys train in a completely different way is there

Starting point is 00:17:50 anything like that where like you met some guys from a foreign country and you're like what that's what you do that's your training there's definitely different mentalities of command through different militaries so the australian army is kind of like we'll leave all the like we'll give out the orders and then the ncos like the non-commissioned officers will do most of the thinking past there whereas a lot of the southeast asians have kind of got the mentality of you know only the officers can make a decision so then they'll be like all right we're going that way and the soldiers will just keep going that way until they're told otherwise um so it's it works well in two different ways and bad in others so it's like you know they definitely have direction they know where they're going but they're probably

Starting point is 00:18:33 going to get slaughtered in the process and it's very predictable we've been swimming for three days now but the same same thing that they're very they understand what they need to do so it works really well for them with that um but it's very easy to counter so but every military has its flaws i'm not here to do military strategy but no american military ours is great and not overpriced at all i love i love war gaming that kind of stuff um i used to be when i was in the army i was i used to like sit down with a couple other guys and be like, how would I fuck over my own battalion? Like, if I was to

Starting point is 00:19:09 fight this. Because it's actually a good way of thinking if you ever want to actually become a good soldier. And could do anything in life, really. Think about how to sabotage from the inside. Yeah. You know, that's how I treat my day-to-day. How can I sabotage this relationship?

Starting point is 00:19:26 How can I sabotage the success of this client? You know,-to-day how can i sabotage this relationship how can i sabotage the success of this client you know it's just how can i sabotage myself by eating after midnight you know all sorts of things that's the toughest one to overcome this is the not eating after after 10 p.m everything's so delicious over in europe i've had so much fucking bad food you're gonna imagine food's really good in australia too you can smoke as much dope as you want here yeah you can only carry five grams but you can you can smoke it and then go back in and get more yeah two grand uh five grams will get you two months here hypothetically no no literally but still you've are you shifting all your donations to charity is that what i'm reading yeah so um i decided this is probably about a month before i did it um

Starting point is 00:20:17 so pretty much the way it works as a twitch streamer you get a few different avenues of making money so you've got like your subscribers which that's the bulk of my income. I get from subscribers. There's donations. So people that actually just want to give you raw cash straight into your PayPal. There is ad revenue. There's bits, which is kind of like a donation through Twitch. And then I've got also YouTube revenue and merchandise on top.

Starting point is 00:20:44 I sat down with my wife about end of November and I said, how can we do actually some good with the position I'm in? And because we're already sitting quite nice financially. You don't need me to rocket scientists. I've been holding 5,000 subscribers now for a good six plus months, about six months. And my subscribers have only slowly gone up and up they've never dipped so for me it's like we're making good money we can give some back to um a really good organization in australia called the starlet children's foundation they're very they've got very good ways and they spend their money they very like their

Starting point is 00:21:20 administration costs are super low and they help out a lot of families there's three main ways they do it one is um through granting wishes so you could imagine you know like a dying child wants to meet their super like famous like a famous sports star that they're idle they can organize stuff like that they do um games rooms and what's called like captain star whites in the hospitals so if someone's too sick to get to the games room, they'll send someone up to the bed and they'll sit there and play on Nintendo Switch with them or entertain that way. And in the games room, I've got a video up on my second YouTube channel. It's pimped out, like big projector, heaps of consoles,

Starting point is 00:21:57 lots of board games, just fun stuff. So a good distraction for kids. And the last one, which is really important, is the support for the families so they actually have like people that can help you know imagine if your child was going through a terminal illness how to actually help that and one of my close friends he actually uh his sister passed away to bowel cancer and so um that's how i know more about him um so to get back to your point i was that was a little bit of an advertisement i guess but to get back to your point um yeah so i decided with my wife that, how about we just do some good with what we're making?

Starting point is 00:22:31 And to put it in perspective, donations was probably about second or third highest for revenue for me. So it was probably about the same amount of money per year as I was making in the army. probably about the same amount of money per year as I was making in the army um but it was like I can I'm gonna get publicity out of it like we're not it's no secret about it but it is also doing some good and the one little caveat I guess which is a bonus for me is it takes away the stress of um chargebacks which I've never had any issues with but a lot of big streamers do get in issues with where people like donate money and then charge them back um and so i thought why don't let's do something good for for a change while i'm in a position i could and let's try and raise a million dollars for a really awesome charity over the year yeah we talked about that and frankly i don't think the three of us could even comprehend that level of selflessness.

Starting point is 00:23:25 Yeah, we're not on board with that level of selflessness. I'm like, you know, I've donated my time to charities. Like I worked with a charity for veterans before and I've donated some money to them. Woody has, he donated, how much money, what was that check you sent to, and what was that charity? Was it 20, 000 that you had like earned from from from some i remind me i did a couple years in a row i want to say they went from like 3 to 12 to 22 something like that it was march of dimes right yeah march of dimes and then until they're the seven grand was to write love on our arms which is a yeah so you like that's like forty thousand dollars or something you know of of wonderful tax benefits but no there were no tax benefits last year i donated

Starting point is 00:24:12 why were there no tax benefits because it didn't even go through me right so the tax benefits normally like if it's your money give it no no so well there was no tax impact either right what if you donate money to a charity it shouldn't be through you it should be direct from them to the charity otherwise okay yeah one taxes can get complicated perhaps but you don't want to even be in a position where you could be accused of taking that money for yourself it shouldn't have ever been in my possession i don't touch the money at all yeah um 100 of the money donated goes directly to starlight right soiltify is the website we go through. And there's a fee to be on Tiltify, which Starlight pay per year anyway.

Starting point is 00:24:50 And then now they get every single cent and it happens nearly instantly too. So it's not like Tiltify, if I get 100 grand in a day, it's not like Tiltify is going to be holding on to that 100 grand, investing it, making an interest. It goes straight to Starlight. Because I asked those questions. I said, if I'm going to do this, I want to know these answers. So I asked all those questions.

Starting point is 00:25:10 So it would be them donating directly. They would get the tax benefit. Correct. And there's a receipt for it too. Yeah. That's definitely the way to do that, I suppose. Yeah, I didn't remember how your situation, and maybe you just weren't public about it because it's your fucking money to some degree. But I just remember you mailing that that check and i was like i bet he just

Starting point is 00:25:29 wrote a check and mailed it off and watched twenty thousand dollars go no i had them make out the check to the charity so that's great that it wasn't mine they just make it out to cash i'll handle the particulars yeah there's definitely been people who did who have done that sort of thing you know it's it's I'll handle the particulars. There's definitely been people who have done that sort of thing. It's kind of shady. Charities have been taking the money too. There's a lot of charities. This is what really gets me groaning.

Starting point is 00:25:58 You know the Movember one? You guys have Movember in America? I'm pretty sure that was an australian charity that started it now their first year they charged 18 administration fees right and they didn't make that much money like they raised like maybe a hundred grand right so for their year then that was 18 000 but like the second year they raised like five million dollars you know and then they're charging 18%. They pocketed a million dollars. They got slammed hard for it. Everybody's toasting themselves.

Starting point is 00:26:32 They got slammed hard for it while they were on a yacht. Man, I wish we'd get this bad publicity. Cheers. There's two ways to look at that. First of all, I do think there are some shitty charities that are just a money-making scheme. I think the Komen Foundation is known for just to take in so much fucking money and salaries and beautiful lavish parties on cruise ships and shit i've never heard of it the susan g it's one of the

Starting point is 00:26:54 breast cancer ones oh okay like they apparently they don't spend it super i don't maybe i'm misremembering which one but yeah go ahead yeah but but like we if there were say 18 people working there and just for easy math and they worked a whole year and everybody got a thousand dollars and they're like, yeah, that was kind of a rough year. We had to really, we barely scraped by with that thousand dollars plus my, my, my other job, which I've had to take so much time off of. And the next year they get whatever, uh, $220,000 or something each and whatever that would come to. That's not right.

Starting point is 00:27:25 $40,000, a little over that, close to $50,000. Why did you pick 18 employees for Easy Math? Well, because it was $18,000 they made the first year, and then the math got hard. It's incalculable, Kyle. Just say it. It's about $50,000 each, I think. I'm not 100% sure it was the Movember guys

Starting point is 00:27:42 because it was two guys that did it. It was two guys that did it it was two guys yeah so they pocketed it half a million each it was a uh you want to start a charity yes after the show something involving steaks in a blow job yep something like that or oh another one remember the coney 2012 guys they got caught where it's like, Hey, most of this money is just going to t-shirts and koozies. So you can get drunk and feel good about yourself. So let's take the breast cancer one, right? I'm going to attempt to defend them for a second. It's a major thing. They get tons of publicity. All the football teams are wearing pink armbands

Starting point is 00:28:20 and this, that, and the other thing. If they took half of that money for themselves, and this, that, and the other thing, if they took half of that money for themselves, half of $10 million is a lot more than 80% of $1 million. And if they're spending that money on advertising and getting it out, you could put 100% to charity and not have any M in it, but then you wouldn't collect anything. A lot of that breast cancer money, I presume,

Starting point is 00:28:44 is spent making that the most well-known breast cancer month in the world. Is a prostate cancer more deadly and kills more people at this point, though? I have no idea. And we get no publicity. Nobody wants to deal with our butthole cancer. That's why I do daily inspections. I have a couple of professionals on staff. I pay them well.

Starting point is 00:29:08 By the hour. They inspect your asshole hourly? Yeah, he calls them up. They're on backpage.net. Well, the exam takes several hours. All right, I'm going to stick my middle finger up there. I can feel it, but I'm just going to go ahead and soak. Because I'm paid hourly. All right, you're good.

Starting point is 00:29:24 No, no, no. Let's be sure. Something could develop mid-exam. Keep going. There's someone underneath me right now. This guy has a hole in the bottom. No, I'm almost done. Ew. Ew.

Starting point is 00:29:40 Did we go too far, Taylor? No, no. I know we've talked about starting a religion before for the tax benefits. Did you watch John Oliver? That's where it came from. Yeah. We were inspired.

Starting point is 00:29:53 I think they called him on it and said no, right? Scientology can slip through the cracks. He did it legit. He filled out the paperwork and got it all approved. I'm not positive. I thought he legit put the money towards a good use he did i think he donated the money or something yeah but the thing was he it was like

Starting point is 00:30:11 they did the church of something and then they were like you know give us your seeds it's all about your seeds and then people that's right and then people started uh they sent him like big bags of like seed but then on the second like episode about it, they had to like stop it because people were like jacking off into like cups and stuff. The cups to him. And he had like, everyone's giving us actual semen now. This has to stop. Yeah, I forget what ours was called. Like our church of holy tax deduction or something like that.

Starting point is 00:30:43 We'll come up with something good. Or we'll just skip it and go straight to charity and just make up a charity. And what could we do? What's not covered by charity now? ALS did the ice thing. Then that kind of fell out of vote. Breast cancer, that corner of the market already saturated.

Starting point is 00:30:58 Prostate cancer, too popular. I don't know. I want to go prostate. There has to be a prostate slash masturbation angle we could take. Like in a masturbation challenge. Come for the cure. Come for the cure. I love it, right? Just like the ice bucket

Starting point is 00:31:13 challenge. You either jack off on camera or donate the $100. And while you're jacking off, I challenge Taylor. Oh, Jesus. We're not going to make any money. You're going to be in fucking jail oh this idea is going great the wheels are turning boys we got it come for the cure exactly i think it would actually work

Starting point is 00:31:39 someone buy that that domain put a Put a pin in that one. It's a laughing offer now, but I think we were onto something here. Yeah. Is Squarespace a sponsor? No, but they should be. I think that might actually work. I'm trying to think of more jizz puns. Fuck.

Starting point is 00:32:01 This is where it's good to have a Twitch chat. And then it's just like a list. Then they have a bunch of a list yeah it is helpful when the chat jumps in I mean we could do like anti-police violence like jizzing for justice just really anything

Starting point is 00:32:15 there's any number of things we could do you remember a few years ago we could be a charity that talks about the lowering sperm count in men and we could be a charity that talks about the lowering sperm count in men, and we could be called White Lives Matter. That's already taken, and it's a very different group. It's not about increasing your sperm count.

Starting point is 00:32:35 No, no, it's not. Then I don't want to be affiliated with them. No. Because I can guess what they're all about. Probably something not so interesting. You remember a few years ago, you were talking about jizzing for justice. Remember that situation where that autistic guy was in the street with a toy train, probably i saw a few years ago you were talking about jizzing for justice remember that um that situation where that autistic guy was in the street with a toy train and and his like um

Starting point is 00:32:51 paired professional you know the the gentleman whose job is to like look after this this guy is in the street with him and the cops have guns pointed at him and the guy is literally laying the the the kid's just sitting there i say kid he's like 15 but he's severely autistic maybe older yeah he's like a young adult but he's holding a toy train and the cops apparently are like worried that it's a weapon and they've all got they're all drawn down like hiding behind their fucking police cars like like it's like it's a movie and they're aiming at this guy and screaming commands and his paraprofessional is like he's autistic he's not gonna respond you're just upsetting him he needs that train it's all that's keeping him from having a fit and and and and they're like laid out and the

Starting point is 00:33:37 paraprofessional the the guy who's with it he's laying flat on his stomach or back on his back with his hands like straight up in the the air trying to show he's the least threatening human. He looks like a dead bug laying on their back. The cop shoots him in that position. They got him in the leg or something, didn't they? They claim they were aiming for the autistic

Starting point is 00:33:58 kid as if that made it better. I was trying to hit that fucker with the train. I mean gun. I think it's a gun still. Turn your camera off. Exactly. You might think that, oh, I bet those cops got in a heap. No, they didn't even lose their jobs.

Starting point is 00:34:14 They're still patrolling the streets of wherever the fuck. Protecting us from toy trains, Kyle. Protect your heroes, would you? Oh my God. Stories like that are just so upsetting. Yeah, we watched that whole video and that was, I was going to say it was the worst police shooting I've ever seen. It's up there.

Starting point is 00:34:33 The worst one is the one in that hallway in Vegas. That's the other one. Where there's like two cops and he's like, lay down, crawl towards me. Hands behind you. Do this. Do the Macarena. What it actually was is they kept

Starting point is 00:34:45 telling him to crawl but hands in the air so he was on his knees with his hands up they'd be like crawl so he starts crawling their hands up crawl hands up and then they shot i don't know what you want me to yeah and his shorts are falling off of his ass and he's drunk and uncoordinated so he's just trying to keep his pants on while obeying commands and the cop is literally in a hallway with him with a fucking ar-15 fucking c-clamped fucking drawn down ready to kill his i think his gun literally said like something crazy like like like double tap him or something was it a predator is it predator or do i have it mixed up punisher or something you know he's got his ar-15 kitted out. You know what they should do for the police?

Starting point is 00:35:26 Kill that guy. They should let them... After all the cop training, like, alright everybody, we got our custom kits here. Pick whatever emblem you want and anything you want and then take it. We'll make it for you. And then you can screen for people

Starting point is 00:35:40 who put the Punisher logo on the side of their gun or like something scary like one of those uh oh fuck what's that that like logo that's associated with like Sparta Mulan lobby yeah yeah something like that I don't know what that means but I know that oh that's actually kind of cool because it that's okay that one can stay that one's cool especially with the Spartan helmet. Really just the Punisher thing. Because there's no way you're going out to like...

Starting point is 00:36:09 Yeah, and homers are coming across a little anti-cop shooting. And I'm afraid this will escalate into being anti-school shooting and other anti-American thoughts. I wish you'd get on board and understand that these things are just part of our culture. Part and parcel of living in a society. Well, I'm very anti. I know this will get me crucified by the listeners, but I'm anti-shooting in all forms other than in a range with an adult behind me to make sure I'm safe.

Starting point is 00:36:35 Next you'll be for health care. See, the thing about all that stuff, they're the people that have to sleep at night after they do those kind of things. And that's what the real punishments will be. But some people are pretty fucked in the head as well. That's not an appropriate punishment. I get that they'll have some temporary insomnia, but other people are dead.

Starting point is 00:36:54 Or he might have been like, fuck, I should have kept his hands up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They just justify it in their head as going, it's fine. I did it. So what? And it's really. I did it. So what? And it's really difficult for me because it's just like I just think, how the fuck do they get past recruitment?

Starting point is 00:37:16 And then I think about the Army and I'm like, yeah, fucking now I know. Oh, it's the bar that you have to get over to be an American law enforcement is so – I'm holding it up right now. It's the same with the Army, like or even the defense force so the the defense force recruitment is ran by civilians in australia so they have quotas like we need 600 people in the infantry we need you know 30 truck drivers and we've got one pilot position and then 40 people rock up saying that they want to be like i don't know some combat engineer or something. Let's go combat engineer, but there's no positions.

Starting point is 00:37:47 And I'll be like, Oh, you, you know, you're a smart kid. You can go in the infantry and you can be like, you know, do this dream job in the infantry.

Starting point is 00:37:54 And after one year transfer straight over, no problem. And they're like, Oh shit. Yeah. I'll go to infantry. And then next minute they realized, no,

Starting point is 00:38:01 you can't transfer after one year. There's no chance in hell. And it's just, there are a bunch of civilians that just push people. Yeah, there's a lot of – that's honestly how prison was as well. I don't know if we ever talked about that. They would tell people like, yeah, yeah, come to this prison first, and we have all of these job programs.

Starting point is 00:38:21 We can train you to be a computer programmer or a diesel mechanic or this or that. And people are like, oh, great, great, great. And hey, if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else. Oh, great. Let me sign on the dotted line. So they transfer to the prison I was at. And they're like, all right, computer programming, let's do it. And they're like, oh, yeah, that got phased out. Oh, fuck. Diesel mechanic then. Yeah, that too. You want to wash some cars though? He's like, no, I'm looking for some job training i got three more years in here i need something to do when i get out oh well in 18 months you can transfer

Starting point is 00:38:49 out of here to a prison that has the programs that you'd like until then get on those wheels and just like fuck there were so many guys there that were like that they were like i transferred here to learn how to be a computer programmer or how to be a diesel mechanic or how to be a forklift driver. And none of those programs are even available. Yeah, that sucks. I guess that's part of private prison. I guess this wasn't a private prison. Federal, yeah, it's a federal prison. But the people who run it, the administration, they're civilians. So they get bonuses based on asses and bets. So I can't recall what the, what they were getting paid for each of us. It might've been 60 grand a year or something per ass in bed. And you know, there are,

Starting point is 00:39:31 there are tiers to that sort of things. Oh, you, you maintain 300 prisoners for X amount of days. That's this bonus, et cetera. It's just like what I used to talk about with selling cars, how like, oh shit, if we sell one more car this month, every car that we sold this month, we get another 2% off of. So it's like, well, fucking lose money, whatever it takes, sell one more car. And it was just like that in prison. So you made them 10 grand for your two months, if it's 60 annually. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. And of course there was some cost to housing me of course they were profiting off of all those packs of chili and uh diet and those six packs of diet pepsi i was buying for six or eight dollars a piece so yeah and you're making food out of the cafeteria so they

Starting point is 00:40:17 weren't spending much on you at all water no just yeah really didn't spend i mean you had to pay to like wash my sheets right so it So it was a whole thing. How often do they wash your sheets in prison? Every week if you want. Or actually, almost every other day if you want. There's three laundry days a week. So you can go every single day and get your laundry done if you want. I would just go once a week.

Starting point is 00:40:42 Okay. It's not too bad. It's more often than I would wash my sheets. Yeah, for sure. For sure, yeah. I don't think I've ever washed my sheets. Yeah. They get new ones every year, whether they need it or not.

Starting point is 00:40:52 Every two or three years. Yeah, I don't remember who the comedian was, but when I was a sophomore in college living by myself, it really resonated with me because he's like, changing your sheets? No. When one disintegratesates you put on another one they're like tires

Starting point is 00:41:09 i was like man i can't just in good conscience bring any girls back here this is disgusting oh that imagine prison would be a lot like when you're in basic training and all you're thinking about is sex and what you're going to eat when you get out oh my god you nailed it but you're in basic training and all you're thinking about is sex and what you're going to eat when you get out. Oh my God, you nailed it. But you're not thinking about sex longingly like you were. You were thinking about it dreadfully, right? You're not thinking about the sex you want to have. You're thinking about the sex you don't want to have. But you're absolutely right. Yeah. I thought about, I really thought about quiet because there's no quiet in prison. It's always at least a background hum of just laughter and chatter and stuff like that. There's almost never any time that's, that's like actually quiet.

Starting point is 00:41:57 Is that difficult to adjust to at home? No, it was like, I finally got home and it was like getting into a warm bath of quietness. You know, it was like, you've been working it was like getting into a warm bath of quietness. It was like you've been working all day and you're all sweaty and dirty and you get in a hot shower and it's just like washes over you the relief. I was so hysterically happy when I was being checked out of prison. This guard's walking around with me. You have to go to four different stops to like, all right, this guy, you're going to

Starting point is 00:42:23 sign this and that, and you know, this is your release and here's your property back. There was that, there was that guy I had to go meet up with. And he's like, you were here for such a long, a short amount of time. I remember you. I was like, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:35 I remember you too, man. You're the guy that looked at my penis like two months ago and gave me those underwear that were so rough and burlap like I couldn't tell the back from the front. He's like, did you ever figure it out? I'm like, yeah, I figured it out. You definitely want to keep the hole in the front, trust me. It's called a prison invite.

Starting point is 00:42:55 Yeah, yeah. But I was like, giddy is the best way to describe it. My man Kyle walking around, his ass flap open. Yeah, then Snow wouldn't have hung out with you you would have been you'd have been fucked literally yeah literally literally yeah but but but yeah just it was so nice to get back to like quietness because like when i was back home and you know honestly to have my television back i know that sounds like some sort of degenerate thing to be to miss because there was tv in there but like getting back to my things that are all like nice versions of the things i

Starting point is 00:43:30 had in prison like my bed is infinitely better than a prison bed my television is infinitely better than a prison television you know just just being able to like buy a diet pepsi and not have a all right i've got six diet pepsis for seven days let's ration these out that was a thing if you change prison to like field exercise or exercise or anything like that it's nearly identical yeah in the military it's like the same like you go away and you're like all right i can only take this much in my bag or you know i can only buy this much like cigarettes guys when when guys are out outfield and they're smoking, they're like, they're rationing in it.

Starting point is 00:44:09 Like, I have this many smokes to last me. And then you get to finally sit on a toilet seat when you're doing the shit. You're like, fuck, yeah. Godly. Cigarettes seem like a security problem, no? I mean, the smell carries for a long time. The red tip is visible and

Starting point is 00:44:26 yeah a lot of time when you like not on like on deployment but on exercise it's just like sitting around for you go away on a seven week exercise and you'll work for about 10 days i'm not even bullshitting like you'll literally do about 10 days work and the other five weeks you'll be sitting around because every single exercise is not about like the you and me it's about the the officers get ticking boxes to get promoted we haven't we're like just pawns so you go out our field and like all right so this company's doing this on this week so we'll have the other three companies sit around for the next three weeks until that's done and you know like it'll literally be like that it's just all the officers need to get their ticks in boxes and the

Starting point is 00:45:03 big exercise is about the you know the colonels and and they're getting their ticks in boxes so they can get you know become brigadiers and all that diddy shit my friend uh he's an army helicopter and the same thing is true with him when they go on exercise when they do these big six week long things he always runs out of data on his phone because that's all he's doing he's just sitting around yeah my mate went to afghan for i think, nine months. And before he left, I filled up his hard drive with like four terabyte of porn. He had so much. He's never getting out of prison. You're not going to be able to download it when you're over there.

Starting point is 00:45:36 They've got really good internet, but they get limited a little bit on that kind of stuff. But it's a commodity too. People are like, oh, you got some good porn. Well, I've got a terabyte of it and now in retrospect i wish i downloaded some entertainment shows because everyone else would take that stuff but he took the porn so that way he knew he had something to trade if he ever needed bring some porn with a plot we gotta we gotta get a dual task video here we i want some entertainment i want to laugh i want I want to cry. I want to cum. I can only watch this Sarah Palin parody

Starting point is 00:46:09 so many times. The plot's not deep enough. I've been watching Schindler's Fist for about three hours now. I gotta say, the black and white, really, you don't even notice. Somehow, Lord of the Cockerings is even longer than the real movie. Not nearly as much

Starting point is 00:46:26 walking though. That's nice. Dildo Baggins. Dildo Baggins, yeah. He's just DPing bitches all over the place. Arwen and Eowyn and the very few women in that show. One cock ring to rule them all.

Starting point is 00:46:44 And in the darkness, bite them. I think I saw my first porn movie in college. Naked. Invisible. With a ring around your dick. Oh yeah, you could parody that Japanese porn

Starting point is 00:46:59 where they're invisible. That'd be great. He slips the cock ring on. This is too good of an idea not to have already happened have you ever had one of those you're like salt and pepper in the same shaker i'm a millionaire and you're looking like oh yeah some college student came up with that salt and pepper in the same shaker why what if you don't want both or what if you want ratio control? When have you ever wanted one but not the other? Sometimes.

Starting point is 00:47:27 Never. I always want both. I like a lot more salt on my eggs than I like pepper. I like more pepper than salt. See, this wouldn't work for either of us. I guess not. Point proven. All right, Lord of the Cock Rings.

Starting point is 00:47:39 Let's see. I guarantee it's a thing. All right, this is a video from 2002. Wow, they released this before Return of the King. I need to find that. Oh, they do scroto-baggins. So not even as good as dildo-baggins. Yeah, dildo-baggins is so much better.

Starting point is 00:47:59 It's a face boy. Was there ever any survival-type training that you did? I got to imagine, especially because... All right, so when Americans think of Australia, face boy place was there ever any like survival type training that you did like i i gotta imagine especially because like like all right so when americans think of australia we think of a gigantic desert and obviously there's the coast it seems like to me and correct me if i'm wrong but it seems like most people live around the coast and that then there's that huge part of australia that it's like yeah we don't go there so pretty much everything that's not on the east coast or the south like push there's like imagine the u the au so the west

Starting point is 00:48:30 coast south coast and east coast are all fairly populated west not so much and there's one major city at the top in the middle and there's one city in the dead center and then everything outside of those is just uninhabitable almost there's a city in the middle yeah it's called ellis springs there's not much there yeah there's a casino and that's about it i've never been there but i just know there's a casino from a book i read that's it um on the eastern side like that's where all like the stuff you guys would know like sydney and and melbourne and you know all that so did you ever do any like survival type training out there so okay so in australia like you do like all your first aid stuff and they focus a lot more on snakes

Starting point is 00:49:11 and stuff like that because yeah like i probably stepped on i didn't step on but i nearly stepped on probably about five snakes during navigational exercises and that and they were like nasty ones too my mate honestly saved my life probably three times i just didn't look down that much you know um but um when we went to thailand with one of the exercise we had like the thai special forces um do a survival thing and that was loose they like he had like snake's blood for us to drink he had like just the most random shit and what are the ones with the two dots on the back of their head? Is that King Cobras? I have no idea.

Starting point is 00:49:47 We don't have those here. I think they're King Cobras. He had like us in a circle. And it wasn't a big circle. And he just chucks one in the middle of us. And he's got a stick. He's just flicking it back to the middle every time it started moving towards the edge. And it was just like, it was loose.

Starting point is 00:50:00 He was like playing with all these snakes and that. And he pissed in a bag and drank the piss. And it was just like, this is loose. Was this bear grills yeah it's like the thai bear grills oh my god yeah and population of alice springs is 25 000 that's a town at best yeah smaller than a lot of suburbs yeah yeah um and then in malaysia there was a survival uh thing that i didn't do that one but um it went for about three or four days and they build huts and i think they get like a rabbit and they skin a rabbit and eat the rabbit random stuff like that skin a rabbit and eat the rabbit did you and when did you see any thai guys do that thing where they stick their head in a crocodile's mouth and like dare it to bite down no not that shit so like I always explain the army is something like this

Starting point is 00:50:51 it's like 65% of sitting around bored out of your brains there's about 30 30 ish percent of like back breaking shoulder breaking knee breaking agony of like walking around or lifting heavy shit and there's like one to five percent of like the most cool shit you'll ever do so you break that out down into days there's like maybe two weeks of the year actually do anything cool and then the rest of the year either just sitting around or breaking your back the cool stuff like i got to imagine that's when you get to play with like different weapon systems right there's pretty much everything the shanghai army has for a normal soldier not special forces or anything um just some of the places you go sometimes you're in the moment you don't really think about it and you stop you're like holy shit cool like some of the stuff

Starting point is 00:51:42 on top of mountains and that um i'm big on mountains, so for me going somewhere really scenic is always nice. Oh, just, I don't know. There's just some cool shit you do. I need something to trigger my brain to think of them. Did you get to blow any shit up? We've used a lot of deck cord when I was in, blowing up trees and stuff like that. Yeah. Banking claymores i think the most amount of claymores i've had seen or seen being banked up

Starting point is 00:52:10 was probably about 15 to 20 so that was a pretty big bang when that one went off claymores aren't really that deadly like obviously you wouldn't want to stand in front of them but the bang is brutal like if you were like anywhere within 50 meters of a claymore and you weren't ready for it you would not you'd hit the deck you'd be fucking yeah it's a real sharp explosion too it's not that like rolling boom it's just a pop it's very very loud anything plastic is you know dead cord's really fun though dead cord's one of the most fun things to play with yeah so pretty much i think the current rule is but you do certain amount of laps around a tree for every every thickness and then you can blow up trees and

Starting point is 00:52:50 shit i shot plenty of um carl gustav 84 millimeter rocket launchers and um seen plenty of javs been shot i've shot plenty of 66 mil um 40 mils are always fun they're absolutely the the rule is you've got to try and get as many in the air at the same time so like when you're at the range you're like yeah I've shot the automatic grenade launcher the Mark 19 that's fun that's probably the coolest gun I've shot

Starting point is 00:53:18 I've actually got a really interesting story for you so I've shot a heap of.50 cal and so we always we used to be mechanized when i first got in the battalion i was in um so we used to we all had to get trained on how to use the 50 cal so if we ever like you know could we get in the vehicle and start shooting it if we have to um but we did a lot of ground mounted stuff as well so we had on a tripod and this one time we did this massive attack and then we like changed white position so i had to do the support position where we're

Starting point is 00:53:48 just shooting to the background or this platoon was pretending to attack up to shoot this other stuff all live fire so this was one of the coolest things i've done at this stage so this platoon um probably had about 30 people they're attacking towards these targets popping up um they're shooting you know just all their normal guns and throwing grenades west off to the side probably about 150 minutes to the side with a um we had 284s 266s um going off non-stop we had two ground mounted uh 50 cals and i think someone's shooting 40 mil all going off into behind to where they're attacking so obviously it's safe for them they're

Starting point is 00:54:25 not going to get hit because we're shooting like but it's to simulate a fuckload of noise like realistic noise as they're trying to attack a position anyway so i'm behind this 50 cal because you had to be qualified on the guns to shoot them and i'm behind this 50 cal and i'm shooting and i get i got about three or four hundred rounds you know i had the stoppage and um there's different types of stoppages but this one was called a hard cock. And so what happens is the cocking handle wouldn't go all the way back. It was jammed halfway. And so my section commander came over and started kicking the shit out of it.

Starting point is 00:54:56 Like that's actually how you actually get it out, right? So you've got to just kick the shit out of it because they're big fucking guns. It kicks the shit out of it and it finally dislodges the the um the round that was stuck in there or whatever it was and in the process of this something happened and i'll get back to that so my uh company sergeant major was standing right behind me he's in charge of the gun line and he's like yep continue firing i'm like yep scene i'm firing down i went to shoot, and the gun blew up. Right, legit just massive breech explosion,

Starting point is 00:55:32 big puff of, like, smoke and just metal going around. And, like, natural reaction, I covered my face and hit the deck. Right, because – and it's hard to explain it, but imagine having a tripod going, I don't know, down like that. It's hard to fucking explain it. But you have your feet up on the fucking legs and your groin is aiming directly at this fucking.50 cal. So your dick, everything's just exposed to this gun. And the breech on a.50 cal is underneath it.

Starting point is 00:55:55 So everything that comes out goes down. So when it blew up, I hit the deck. I'm covering my face. My company sergeant major was standing behind me. He's like, are you all right? You're all right? I'm like, yeah, face is good, but my leg fucking hurts. And there's like blood coming out of my leg right next to my –

Starting point is 00:56:10 like right where your femoral artery is. So it's like right up in my groin. Shit. And it's just like seeping out, like not like gushing, but I was like it was fucking hurting. And so instantly like we knew something happened and a bit of the the the cartridge blew out of the bottom went in missed my femoral artery it's missed all my nerves and

Starting point is 00:56:32 just lodged right up my groin and like it was like the first time anything like that had happened anytime recently so it was like big stop stop stop and then um the ambulance got called forward but the ambulance didn't know where the fuck it was they went to the wrong spot and there's like a golden hour rule in the military you're always gonna be within an hour of the hospital tell you if i was fucking gonna die that day within that hour no way i was getting to the hospital but like instantly as soon as it happened like pants ripped off like fucking everything's out exposed my mate's got his arm on me he hands on my fucking groin it's like fucking shit was going everywhere it's just um like almost literally and um it was

Starting point is 00:57:11 actually a pretty fucking freaky story and yeah to actually explain what happened i think in the process of the actual uh gun being kicked the barrel dislodged so the way a 50 cal works the barrel is loose and it and it comes back and it gets pushed to the side and i think in the kicking of it it actually pulled it center so it was actually just sitting in there and when i cocked in it cocked the gun and put the next round in the imagine that's the whole of the gun and the round sticking in the back it actually had a bit of the cartridge still sticking out the back so when the firing pin hit the primer cap it blew the back of the cartridge out and like the the actual bullet of the 50 cal was stuck halfway up the gun with half the cartridge still attached to it because they actually cut the barrel open on the investigation

Starting point is 00:57:54 and all the other part of the cartridge came out the bottom and into my leg yeah you just made a little it's just a little brass pipe bomb at that point we used to we used to take empty 50 cal holes put some black powder in them, put a fuse in, crimp the top, and you've got little mini hand grenades. And that just blew up right next to your dick. Yeah. Sorry, I missed all the crown jewels, so everything's all good there. But, yeah, it was a fucking pretty scary moment.

Starting point is 00:58:21 And I was all in you at that stage. What a terrible way to lose your dick. It would have been. Yeah. How'd that happen? Well, my commanding officer, it was kicking the gun I was using, and then I tried to fire it, and now I don't have a dick. So initially, everyone was blaming me.

Starting point is 00:58:36 Everyone was blaming me saying it was a call to cook off. So you shoot too many rounds, and the feed gets too hot, and it blows up because the round goes in, and before it can even fire it because there's so much heat going through it hot and it blows up because it's like the round goes in and before it can even fire it because there's so much heat going through it just blows up the round and that that's actually quite common i've actually seen a fair few youtube videos of it mine was definitely not a cooker like i did nothing wrong potentially like i was only a new soldier anyway but um later on that year when i was in malaysia there was an actual another guy he actually had a cook-off and he's blew up and actually went into his testicle and yeah and um he was screaming that he was on fire and no one believed it like because they knew he blew up it blew up but he's like i'm

Starting point is 00:59:16 on fire and they started calling ricky bobby from that point onwards because he had a bit of brass in his testicles yeah um and i've never met anyone else in the military that had that. It happened. Wow, what a lucky guy. Yeah. Yeah. So you get a, I don't even know how it works in the U.S. military. Like, do you get a purple heart or something for getting injured?

Starting point is 00:59:37 Or is that only in, like, actual, like, minor defense stuff? The enemy has to shoot you. No, so you get, you're always covered under um veteran affairs and that if you ever get an injury in the military it's a bit of a process to get all the claims and that in but once you do have it you're covered for life so for example my leg starts to play up now which it hasn't yet i would have it permanently covered for the rest of my life um you know like i've had busted ankles and and stuff like that that's all covered because i've filled out all the documentation for it so if i ever go to hospital and like you know, like I've had busted ankles and, and stuff like that. That's all covered. Cause I've filled out all the documentation for it.

Starting point is 01:00:06 So if I ever go to hospital and like, you know, my ankles playing up and I need to get her ankle reconstruction, they'll pay for it. But you got to fill the paperwork out. It's a, it's pretty lengthy process. You're also covered for cancer except for brain cancer.

Starting point is 01:00:19 Um, there's a few things, even just as soon as you've served, you get covered for certain things. Seems like. Not brain cancer. You want the brain cancer covered. Well, okay, one of my best mates has brain cancer,

Starting point is 01:00:30 and he's still serving. Well, we can't afford to cover the brain cancer after all those tests we run on them. Well, technically, once they boot him out, because he's going to have to get kicked out eventually, there's going to be a point where he's going to lose function to half his body. He's not going to be covered by where he's going to lose function to half his body. He's not

Starting point is 01:00:45 going to be covered by the military. Potentially. That's bullshit. They're paying his bills at the moment, but at one point they'll be like, eh. But the good thing for them is they're using him as a poster boy because this guy's got cancer and he's still serving and doing all this great stuff for cancer

Starting point is 01:01:01 research, raising money. What kind of cancer does he have? Don't worry about it. It's the coin we're covering right now. So, yeah. Is he going to live? No, he'll die from it. Sounds pretty bad.

Starting point is 01:01:15 Yeah. So, I don't know the exact name of it. His Instagram is williebeatingcancer. And it's a tumor in his head. They can't operate it out if they do operate it out um the way it will what will happen is probably lose function to part of his body a half of his body just not sure to what severity um but because he's so fit and healthy already um the surgeons pretty much said live your life now because it'll be better than being you know

Starting point is 01:01:42 half paralyzed and not being able to do anything. But he will eventually either get the surgery done and then have a few extra years. It's that coin flip. What do you do? Remember how you said it was hard to get fired in the service? I'd put that to the test. Go AWOL, live my best life, which probably involves not working a bunch.

Starting point is 01:02:02 Well, whilst getting chemo and all that, he actually got a really good opportunity to just pretty pretty much taking as much time as he wanted off because one week of the month he'd have chemo and then the week after he'd be fucked and then he had two good weeks so the two good weeks he literally just did whatever he wanted yes but then he'd be you know then back to the chemo week and it was fucked again and he needs whatever drugs they're pumping into uh ruth bader ginsburg if she's even still around because if it can knock out you know stage four pancreatic cancer my understanding the most lethal cancer out there it could help with brain cancer right she needs to share the load share the love wait wait maybe share the load is our charity

Starting point is 01:02:46 share the load yeah samwise gamgee quote i like it yeah yeah that that's bullshit that sucks man how old is he is he like you said he was a young guy oh jesus 24 you said yeah yeah he was it was one of my diggers when I was Lance Corporal. I was in charge of him. What is a digger? A soldier. I just named him Truman. Okay.

Starting point is 01:03:11 Private. They guys dig holes. That makes sense. He's a digger. He digs holes. Yeah. I was hoping you would say he was much older than that. 24.

Starting point is 01:03:23 That's pretty tragic. But he could live for another 20 years. Yeah. If he lives healthy and they keep monitoring it, it could hit him all of a sudden. The thing is, he's going to know it's having an effect on him because it'll slowly put more pressure on that part of the brain and he'll slowly start losing strength in half of his body.

Starting point is 01:03:48 So his hand grip will start getting weaker and he'll know it's coming along. So that's when you'll take more drastic actions on what should happen. But by that stage, it could even be too late to get surgery. So man, I'd so much rather just get hit by a bus one day and not know, you know, just like you're gone, you know,

Starting point is 01:04:03 hopefully many, many years. Sure. I'd like a little heads up. Like knowing that it's coming. Like, Oh, you know, just like you're gone, you know, hopefully many, many years from now. I'd like a little heads up. Like knowing that it's coming, like, oh, I was trying to do my workouts and stay fit and I couldn't hold onto the dumbbell in my right hand. You know, I thought it was kind of, I thought I felt something last week, but no, I thought it was just, you know,

Starting point is 01:04:16 maybe a nutrition thing, but oh man, now it's coming. It's coming down the pike and it's not going to stop. That's scary. Massive into just partying and traveling which the traveling part's all good but now he's actually started to do a lot more meaningful stuff with life as in he's actually doing the things he wants to do like you know drive fast cars and go do all this cool stuff because it's kind of just said well it's not just about partying now it's about living life to how i want to live it and that's kind of how i live as well now i've been doing that for a while though i want to go to europe i'm going to live in europe yeah there's a really good song that that reminds me of it's called live

Starting point is 01:04:52 like you were dying you know the guy finds out he's dying of cancer and it's like you know you think he's he's like he took a good long hard look at what he's gonna do and then it's like and then the chorus is like he went skydiving, Rocky Mountain climbing. He went 2.7 seconds on a bull name. He went bull riding. He took that as the initiative to really start living life to the fullest.

Starting point is 01:05:16 I'd give every drug a go, just to see. Yeah. See what I'm saying. Anna Nicole Smith was a bitch. I could do better. No, Just me? What did she die from?

Starting point is 01:05:26 Drugs, right? She OD'd I think I have no idea Maybe it's too old We'll see, but I wouldn't OD on the drug I would have my brain tumor And then I would be like I'm giving heroin a shot Oh, that was pretty tits

Starting point is 01:05:41 I'm going to be addicted to this the rest of my short life The doctor's like a toad Meth really stresses me out I can see why people like this Oh, that was pretty tits. I'm going to be addicted to this the rest of my short life. The doctor's like, it's so bad. Meth really stresses me out. I can see why people like this. It turns out the tumor hates the heroin, Taylor. We're going to need you to really... Yeah, it's just that the tumor hates meth and heroin and everything. It's like how one man cured himself,

Starting point is 01:06:02 and it's me shaking in the middle of a street in a cardboard box. I'm all better with no teeth. You're all itchy. Gaunt as fuck. Yeah. No, I'd try that one. I'd want to skydive. And that's it.

Starting point is 01:06:15 That almost seems cliche. But I would do that if I was dying. Combined drug intoxication. Yeah. Too many drugs. Yes. You know, I remember about her is she had big tits. Right?

Starting point is 01:06:29 She was super duper hot and then she gained too much weight. She was pre-fat. Yeah. She let Benji eat her pussy on the Howard Stern show. Really? Good for Benji. Yeah. They went in the bathroom. I like a girl who's open-minded. Well, she was incredibly high on whatever drug she was on,

Starting point is 01:06:47 so it felt a little wrong. You're being a little judgmental, which to me feels wrong. The drugs did kill her like two years later, so maybe I'm on to something. A judgy something, for sure. I don't know. You were a firefighter as well is that right?

Starting point is 01:07:06 yeah so after I quit I decided I still wanted to do something for the community I'm big on community if you haven't noticed yeah that's great me too I like helping people so after I quit the army I was like well I still want to do something to help people I joined the army to help people not to

Starting point is 01:07:22 not help people so I was like there was a i thought it was a volunteer position to be a firefighter in the country town the town was big enough to actually have a paid fire service just they weren't full time so the way it worked was uh you had to live within 10 minutes to the fire station which was easy because the town was tiny and then um you have you get a pager which was old school as fuck as well as the dish oh shit i don't have my computer then i would um so your phone would go off you had to be at the station you chuck on your fire clothes and you go out on the truck so um i got all my training

Starting point is 01:07:58 done and then i had about three months of qualified before i had to move back to Adelaide because my wife's job got moved. So that sucked. I loved being a footballer. We got a Tarkov question. Do you still like it? Right, Tarkov is a brutal punishing game. The dev says you're not supposed to like it. There's a lot of lows.

Starting point is 01:08:21 How do you... You like it? You look forward to playing tomorrow? I don't get down from dying anymore like it takes a while to get desensitized to it but the way i see it is if you don't care about dying as much you can just have fun playing and to me now it's it's not even about playing the game as much as i am like hanging out with mates every day so it's like you guys i'm sure you guys look forward to it i've got it you've done like 500 of these now yeah it's fun you're like oh fuck i have to go to another

Starting point is 01:08:49 podcast for me it's like i load up my stream and i'm just excited to talk to people i'm actually really excited for this because this is actually a really meaningful conversation um with the problem with with uh twitch chat now that my chat's got so busy it's like hey how's it going i talk more about myself than what other people are doing so this is nice to actually have a back and forth conversation um it was just used to be really good when it was a small chat for that reason because i'd actually learn a lot about my viewers but yeah with tarkov it's it's like hanging out with all your mates and you're just playing tarkov and talking shit and um you play solo mostly right in tarkov yeah pretty much only so um i was at first it was really heart-wrenching to die

Starting point is 01:09:33 it was like fuck i needed that stuff they they took and they're just gonna take it now it's their stuff now i used to play a lot of rust and uh tarkov and rust have a lot of commonalities in that you work so hard for the the guns and the armor that you've got, and then people can just take them away really quickly, and they've got them now, and they're in their box and their base. And Tarkov's very similar in that regard. But now that I've got what feels like infinite money... Yeah, so that's the thing.

Starting point is 01:10:03 If you know how to make money in talk then the gear fear goes because it's like well if i just lose a gun i just get another one yeah yeah that's the hardest part yeah and a lot of people like how do i get over gear fear let's say initially you need to buy multiple of the same gun so when you do use a fancy gun you're a lot like oh my god this is my only m4 so if you've got five m4s and you go five or eight in a row with m4s when even if you died all five of them by the fifth time you would actually feel a little bit more relaxed and the other one is learn how to make money because then when you lose it you just buy more yeah and then it's like yeah i've never had a day

Starting point is 01:10:40 where my like value went down instead of up lately because i think my survival rate is like 65 or something like that so one third of the time i'm not making it out for sure but that's really good though because most people i play around the 20 yeah and squad makes a big difference with that because even if you do die they'll chuck your gear and you'll get it back from insurance yeah the times where i actually lose my gear um that's probably like 10 if that but i you know i at this point in the wipe i'm just running i've been playing for i looked at it earlier i think 70 days is my account play time or something like that and it's like i i go fully geared all the time like i'll just like you said like i just saved the presets for the weapons and it's like

Starting point is 01:11:22 all right let's go and get five mdrs. Let's get five SVDSs. And I don't care about losing gear anymore. We play Reserve pretty much exclusively. Reserve is such a fun map. There needs to be more drive to pull people there because at the moment, two quests, three quests for it. And if they put another 20 quests out there and there's actually people forced to go play it for whatever reason.

Starting point is 01:11:44 You know Shooter Born in Heaven? I call it shooter born in hell 100 meter headshots if that was also reserve or remove interchange you put it reserve instead that people are going sniping on reserve and that is so much fun big open high grounds and i love that map it's good yeah i think it's the best map in the game it's it's definitely my favorite map it's the one i play the most um and i feel like it's where you run into more very geared players. I think it's region based with that, man.

Starting point is 01:12:12 Australian servers is pretty much just labs now and a bit of interchange. America and Europe seem to be a lot of interchange. A lot of interchange for geared squads and labs still. Yeah, the Killer Quest has a lot of the more hardcore players who have been in the game a long time like questing yeah i'm glad i got that done and i'm gonna do it again but looks of it so i i have no interest in

Starting point is 01:12:36 that i have no interest in that i i feel like you should have i don't know you should your character should have become killer like his face face and everything. That seemed like such a tiny reward for such an incredibly difficult task. Someone like me who has way too much time to play the game, that's the perfect task. I just wish instead of just doing killer, they should have done all five of the scab bosses, all four of the scab bosses at the same time,

Starting point is 01:13:02 have four different quests. So then that way you don't have the entire sweaties all going for the oneab bosses at the same time have four different quests so then that way you don't have the entire sweaties all going for the one quest i agree they could go to all maps because now interchange is like yaki said there's a lot of people doing that have the other bosses too yeah it should have been 25 for of each boss there's already that that task for killing each of them once in a specific order or whatever yeah sterman i think is the hardest one to kill because it's it's you kill him but he's might get you and your ass is in the wind the whole time from so many angles of sniper fire and thermal fire yeah parker is an amazing game i think it's

Starting point is 01:13:36 it's the most intense fun game that i've ever played um i think actually i was about to correct correct myself i think rust is honestly a better game but it's not a better game for the player because you can take a day off tarkov and nobody it doesn't fucking matter your stash is still there nobody can raid your stash and that's literally what can happen in rust if you're not there around your base like eight ten hours a day noticing that hey there's that same guy walking by he's looking at my base kind of funny i mean he's dressed like an like a like an indian from the from the 17th century but you know he's gonna go right back over the hill walk a quarter of a mile and he's got the the

Starting point is 01:14:17 second biggest base on the server and he's telling all his friends yeah there's a juicy base right over there they just let me walk past let's. Let's go tonight when they're all asleep. You know, the fact that your stash just stays there and there's no like, they're not being taxed. And if you've got your Bitcoin miner going, you're actually just making money when you're not playing is really nice for Rust, for Tarkov. But Rust, I still prefer Rust as a game, but I won't be playing Rust anytime soon.

Starting point is 01:14:43 It's not a healthy game to play. World of Warcraft is not a healthy game to play. No? I've never played it, but I've heard that for sure. 170 days, I think I got in that. That's brutal. I've probably got more in Tarkov now. But I get paid to play Tarkov.

Starting point is 01:15:00 When I was playing WoW, I was doing it as an addiction. That game sucked me in hard. I was fucked. How old were you doing it as an addiction. That game sucked me in hard. I was fucked. How old were you? Were you getting into the original one? Yeah, so I would have been 18, I think. Was that 2003, 2004? That sounds about right.

Starting point is 01:15:16 They just hit their 15-year mark with classics. That would be about right. Yeah, 2004. Let me do a quick ad read. Tell everyone about ExpressVPN here. Let me do a quick ad read. Tell everyone about ExpressVPN here. Pull it up. Admit it. You think that cybercrime is something that happens to other people.

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Starting point is 01:16:40 Visit ExpressVPN.com slash PKA to learn more. Check them out. You want people to learn more check them out you want people know what you're doing yeah that's between you and your keyboard yeah you don't need to see all the dildo baggins cartoons that you've been making online they don't need that information i don't even know all the tar cop based pornography involving the therapist and was that that was express levian then wasn't it yeah yeah i actually used to use them for quite a while yeah it's actually they're actually pretty good right never went to prison and pristilli does some fucked up shit there's uh i've got some ama questions here if you want me to do a couple okay i've got a quick

Starting point is 01:17:26 question for you actually that's all right yeah yeah please you actually start with using the anarchist is that where you start getting all your ideas early on what's that do you know the anarchist cookbook do you remember that oh yeah yeah i i'm familiar with it yeah did you learn that like when you were reading that back in the day? No, I got gifted it for Christmas one year, but like long after I'd been doing stuff on YouTube. Okay. Yeah. I, um, one of the things I thought that I was always really good at was thinking up, um, interesting things to do with guns and explosives. Um, and, and then it would get copied by everyone else, including like TV shows, like sons of guns would, I would do a thing and they would have it on the air six months later on the Discovery Channel or something like that. But I just thought that

Starting point is 01:18:09 everything should be over the top and there should be fireballs and there should be explosions and you shouldn't just shoot a piece of paper. You can go anywhere and watch somebody shoot paper. It just didn't seem very interesting to show, oh, look, this gun shoots a quarter inch group, whereas this one shoots a three quarters of an inch group. Wow. That's the sort of shooting that I had done growing up with hunting and target shooting. Lots of sporting clays, the shotgun, lots of handgun stuff, lots of really long range stuff. I did a lot of deer hunting growing up with like remington 700s and lots of 308 stuff but i thought what was interesting what i wanted to see was literally what you see in action movies yeah i want to see what rambo like like rambo nailed it you know everybody wants to see you

Starting point is 01:18:55 shoot they don't want to see you go prone with an m249 and and fire off say five round bursts they want to see you stand up wrap that bandolier around your left hand and just one hand to the gun using the recoil to hold it up like if you're gonna shoot a mod deuce they don't want to see you firing these shots they want to see hundred round mag dumps or belt dumps into something silly you know and you obviously miss it a lot then not really honestly like like i always like video games more than i like guns um but that was but it was a lot of fun doing it making money making the money was the driving force i enjoyed like getting paid vast sums of money to travel around the country and and shoot silly shit there's something fun about being successful

Starting point is 01:19:41 right like a pride like like you built something from nothing like that's i don't know yeah i think it's just a scorecard but the streaming is the same thing i was thinking that when i said it like it's it's not the i have a hard time like it obviously money is really nice it relieves a certain kind of stress but it wasn wasn't like I just felt good about thinking I was good at something. That was a big part of the drive. When my YouTube was exploding, it was cool to do well at something, to feel like I was good at it, like the rewards. If there was no money involved at all, it would still be kind of addicting and there'd be a reward cycle just in terms of, you know, stack ranking up a community, like working your way into being somebody relevant.

Starting point is 01:20:30 Yeah. But I never like all the stuff that I made, I sort of cooked up. I, one of the things that I am really good at is sort of understanding how explosions work and why they work and the directionality of shape charges and that sort of thing. Like I just,

Starting point is 01:20:45 I just have a knack for that just kind of naturally for whatever reason i mean i grew up burning things down to the ground and and playing with fireworks and like oh this fireworks like this what if we put in a glass bottle oh it shoots glass shrapnel everywhere that's fucking cool or you know just making um what we call um sparkler bombs which is i won't go into the specifics, but you can use sparklers to make a very effective explosive. Blowing up washing machines and stuff like that out in the field.

Starting point is 01:21:14 I started doing YouTube videos. It was like, alright, I know what to do here. Later on, of course, as the videos got bigger, I was able to contract with actual explosives experts and have them bring in c4 and debt cord and stuff like that and really really fuck shit up and so yeah it was um never really got into the anarchist cookbook the one one of the problems with that and it's probably for the best a lot of the recipes that they in the current version if you buy it off the shelf they change

Starting point is 01:21:43 the recipes so that they don't even work a lot of them yeah i i remember seeing that book probably about 2002 a long time ago it was like you couldn't just download it off the internet either it was like friend of a friend of a friend to get it kind of thing so yeah yeah there's some dangerous recipes in there. I mean, you can learn to make your own plastique. It's called the Anarchist Cookbook. Well, the idea was that information should be free. It wasn't about just explosives either. It was about

Starting point is 01:22:14 everything. Yeah, it was about the freedom of information more than it was about wreaking havoc. I think it's really interesting. You were talking about how you were trying to think up your own things and instead of copying other people i think that's what makes people a lot more successful with like say a youtube channel or twitch stream it's like i don't watch other streams like nearly never if i do it's nothing to do with tarkov like

Starting point is 01:22:41 there's a chick that plays guitar and sings i like listening to her while i'm editing there's like you know another chick that i know it's not always females but there's another i know she does what's called confessional sundays and it's just people write in confessions to her and she reads them out on stream i want to fuck you there's a topic each weekend but just just random yeah and it's but yeah i think that's very important like like i i absolutely i never watched any other gun youtubers i was aware of them because i would meet them at events and stuff and they would they would be like hey i'm billy bob 357 magnum i'm sure you've heard of me and i'm like oh yeah billy bob you make the best videos that in some way revolve around firearms you make my favorite 357 magnum content yeah and it wasn't that like i felt like i was too big to watch your videos or or that you didn't make good

Starting point is 01:23:39 videos because maybe you do it was that i never wanted to be influenced by someone else's videos and i occasionally got accused of it like i made a video where I took the, uh, the dust cover off of, uh, an AK and just made it like an AK ice cream Sunday where I just dumped all sorts of garbage ice cream and cherries and chocolate chips and stuff into the, uh, receiver, you know, with the, the dust cover off and just show that, that, that, that, that, that like like it'll just chew through them it doesn't matter and apparently uh karnakon had done something similar with like bacon and eggs or something or maybe it was the other way around like like somebody else had done the same thing like three months before and gotten 30 000 views i used to watch your content all the time i don't think that's the only way to have success like i would keep in the cod community i'd keep in touch

Starting point is 01:24:23 of what people were doing people would talk about a topic and i'd be like right right and i could name the map that they talked about it over and what the game type was and it wasn't that i stole other people's ideas but it was useful to know which ideas were taken and just to see the kinds of things people were doing could inspire my own yeah i agree with that um i'm not saying that's the only way of doing it like for example i'm arguably the fastest leveler in tarkov i don't know anyone really levels faster than me in the early levels at least um but but i don't even know how other people level i haven't actually ever watched so for me it's like maybe there are faster ways i could probably learn some things

Starting point is 01:25:06 i just yeah yeah and sometimes if you like in the cod world anyway for example wings of redemption was very good at leveling and what he would do is he would run this thing called an emergency airdrop airdrop yeah and then he'd give away all his prizes and he's like you know this thing right here it's like an advanced uav it's worth a ton of experience points it doesn't matter if i call it or you call it so i'm giving it to you you know this thing right here is a predator missile it's worth one kill right and i'm gonna get 100 xp but if i give it to you i get five times that so i think i included that in a video and i was like i learned this from wings of redemption and there was never any like that's okay to do my emergency airdrop strategy was always like

Starting point is 01:25:46 all right you're gonna throw it down and then you're gonna steal everything before anyone can get it real real fast and then you try and get some kills mine was okay we're gonna do the duplication click so we keep throwing it more and more and more oh i remember that because this game is fucking stupid and the devs don't patch it yeah i i always wanted to i didn't want to be accused of copying anyone. And so I just never watched anyone. I didn't care what they were doing. I just wanted to do my own thing. And plus a lot of people didn't want to do what I was doing. Cause they would get, um, you know, fussed at any way. A lot of the, after I started blowing things up,

Starting point is 01:26:18 a lot of people started blowing things up. And after I added fireballs, a lot of people started trying to do it. And, you know, it to do it. I'm going to be me. If you want a copy, I don't give a shit. Go for it. You're not going to do it the same way I do it because I don't care about my life. You've got a family. I don't give a fuck. I hope it hits me.

Starting point is 01:26:38 I never had that problem. All my fucking YouTube content was just like... Woody made that face. I was like, I wanted it to hit me. It's more views. i would always tell them like like hey if i take a bad hit here this if that if a piece of that door hits me if i get hit by shrapnel don't fucking drop the camera you record are you a medic well no do you know how to pinch off an artery no do you have a kit on you a medical kit you got sutures and no you're a cameraman scott record if this is wanted to get hit no i i can get on board with the if i get hit let's not miss the footage but if you wanted to get hit you could have if you wanted to die you could have you could you know you know how to set up a car door so that it comes flying at you right sure sure but you didn't i didn't i i guess what it is is i'm not going to commit suicide

Starting point is 01:27:33 but i'm always thinking like if it happens that's a good thing not a not so much of a bad because it doesn't hurt if you get hit by something moving fast it really doesn't like i've been hit by ricochets and i've had like like i i shot frangible rounds at steel first i shot these frangible rounds they were 45 acp at steel at like point blank i mean an inch the barrel's an inch from the steel plate and they just turn into like high speed sand and it stings like the tiniest bit and then i switch to five five six and they just splatter my thighs with shrapnel. And like when I take my pants off, there's like a dozen pinpricks just bleeding down my leg. I was like, I wish we could show this. I remember that.

Starting point is 01:28:12 He's like, yeah, I shot pistols and it's amazing. The ammo just kind of turns like it disappears. And then I did it with rifles and that's kind of an injury. Yeah. Yeah, that was funny. That's that. And when we shot the minigun, I shot a minigun standing up, uh, holding the whole minigun and one of the rounds exploded in the feeder. Uh, and I thought I was shot. It exploded and hit my inner thigh, um, about that far from my, my balls, I guess, but i'm shooting a minigun and like four thousand dollars worth of

Starting point is 01:28:46 seven six two by fifty one so i'm not gonna stop that would be absurd to just throw away five or six thousand dollars worth of ammo and we were all the way we're all the way out here but like when i when i got my pants off after we cut it was just a a really big cigar burn it what it had not penetrated me at all, unfortunately. But that was the closest I ever got to really hurting myself. Unless you count that door. Other than the door. Yeah. Yeah, the shrapnel was always...

Starting point is 01:29:14 That would have fucking killed you. That would have killed me. There's no telling how many times a piece of shrapnel went by, but it was going so fast nobody even saw it. Or a refrigerator door. The refrigerator door hit scott the cameraman and uh gashed him open pretty well but the uh the car was that was actually a truck um that was the one with the slow-mo that's got somebody yeah yeah just as like tumbling like

Starting point is 01:29:38 a blade a foot and a half to the right of you yeah it was sort of a crescent moon thing of sheet metal just tumbling at about 600 feet per second coming back at me. That was a foot away from being the most viral video of all time. You didn't react to it at all. There would have been no protection. I was slow.

Starting point is 01:29:57 I've got decent reaction times, but it was already past me by the time I react and I whipped my face around. I always tried not to flinch because I thought that looked bad if you flinched, but I would definitely turn my face around and try to protect the moneymaker

Starting point is 01:30:13 if there was something coming at me. You can see me whip my head around back to the camera because I'm trying to protect my face and my throat, but it's already been gone. It's like it went went it's and it's the time scale that explosions happen in is not something humans can react to no no not at all no not even a little bit it's uh we calculated one time it's about 600 feet per second it's

Starting point is 01:30:40 it's closing in on the speed of a 45 acP bullet that that door whizzed past me at because they were shooting at, I don't know how many frames per second, 2,500, 2,400 or something like that, and we were able to do the math. If that thing hit you square, you just would have become a mist. I don't think so. I think it would have cut me severely. I think it would have been a real gruesome shrapnel wound, like where there was a big, big gash.

Starting point is 01:31:06 If it hit you square, it would have just torn right so much mass and like force it was cheap metal you know i mean look look i don't know maybe it would have cut me in half and like like like i would have been i would have been whole it would be like in the movie i'm like i'm like huh it missed me and then i like slide like kill bill style yeah ghost ship yeah i just i did a ghost ship that's It missed me. Then I slide. Like Kill Bill style. Ghost ship. Ghost ship. That's a good reference. With a wire.

Starting point is 01:31:30 The cable. I was always more afraid for the people around me than anything. I liked it when bad things happened. I just felt that's more viral. The whole point of what I was doing was. It was the early days of Viral videos but nobody was intentionally making viral videos and that was my goal and and I just took all the commonalities from every viral video you've ever seen whether it was chocolate rain and double rainbow or

Starting point is 01:31:59 You know, whatever it was and and I was like, well, let's just do that every week Like like why should that only happen to people who happen to catch something silly on camera why can't you be a professional viral video maker and to me that was danger and stupidity and silliness and jokes do you think that your trouble with the your recent troubles with the law were related to your visibility level from your YouTube channel? Yeah, absolutely.

Starting point is 01:32:27 Yeah. Yeah. They wouldn't have made nearly as big of a deal of it if they didn't all know who I was already and already have it out for me. I was in the process of making my own binary explosive and starting up making videos again to market that binary explosive, right, to civilians. So I had all the licensing already done i had the federal explosive license i've still got an explosives bunker there's nothing in it and um not without a warrant there isn't bitches he says come and get it assholes they were so happy that there was nothing in it when it went

Starting point is 01:33:06 like the day after i got out of jail not prison uh the atf came by and they're like hey um you know we're here to like inspect the bunker he's like there's nothing in it is there and i'm like nope he goes great and fist bumps me because like he's worried about me and his paperwork that might that might be down the road if they're if it's full of like explosives and detonators and stuff like that which it would have been in another six months or so yeah so they didn't like that they didn't because the one of the one of the things that always brought me onto the radar of the atf and and uh caused problems with me and them was the proliferation of Tannerite binary

Starting point is 01:33:45 explosives, the stuff I would shoot and it would go boom. Um, you know, Dan Tanner up in Oregon, it's named after him. He runs the company, he makes it and he would send me enormous amounts of it for free because I was such good advertising for it. You know, he, he was like, I was going to visit him one time to shoot some stuff. And he's like, you can have as much Tannerite as you can carry. Someone bought a truck, you know, and we just, we drove from, um, Oregon to Atlanta with an entire truckload of explosives in the back. You know, there was another thing you, I think you liked even more. Was it called red dot?

Starting point is 01:34:21 How close am I? Oh yeah. I was working with a guy down in Tampa who had come up with his own binary explosive. I was a half owner of that company for a long time. And I won't give him any free advertising now, but it's low velocity binary explosive, which means it has a sensitizing agent. It had some of the ingredients that are in rocket fuel in it. Very hot stuff, literally and figuratively. Not only did it burn hot when it went off, but it also was very powerful.

Starting point is 01:34:54 In the order of 22 times more powerful per volume than Tannerite was. Because a pound of Tannerite, I'm going to blow your hand clean off, but it's not going to do much to a car. It takes about 13 or 14 pounds of tannerite to take a car out But this stuff it's like oh you got a pound of it. The car is going bye-bye. There's a video where I shoot 22 pounds of that stuff with 10 gallons of diesel fuel tape to either side and the mushroom cloud is in the order of 250 feet tall and the crater is about Two and a half feet deep by about eight feet wide you know and and you know it was outrageous well i just i'll never forget we're on my tailgate mixing it because it's a binary you mix in two components together

Starting point is 01:35:37 now it's activated now it's shock sensitive not just bullet sensitive because that's what tannerite is you got to be going the rifle round has to be going 2200 feet per second which is kind of standard rifle velocity but this stuff is it's and he's not a hammer sensitive it's hammer sensitive it's also spark sensitive right which is a new if you get a little bit left in the tailgate and you close it too hard if it were in the latch it would go pop yeah it would be like one of those throw and pop things on the ground so like we're mixing this stuff up put it in a cardboard box and we're duct taping a five gallon can of gasoline to one side five gallon can of diesel fuel to the other it gives you a nice mixture between bright yellow fire and dark orange with

Starting point is 01:36:21 smoke when you mix the two. Duct taping it together and Jeremy goes, how bad will this fuck us up if it went off? I'm just like, if this went off, don't worry. You'll never know what happened.

Starting point is 01:36:37 We're in pieces. We're in pieces. We're disintegrated. They're going to scoop us up if this goes off. Or not. You don't scoop up Jell-O from the ground. You just leave it there. Unfortunately, they do.

Starting point is 01:36:52 They would literally come and scoop. Yeah. What a terrible job for the scooper. We were looking into this the other day. Crime scene cleanup. We were discussing. One of us said, I bet that's a really well-paid position because it's so awful,

Starting point is 01:37:07 nobody would want to do it. And I was like, you know, I bet those guys get paid dog shit. I bet that is the bottom of the totem pole job that nobody wants. And we Googled it and they make like 40 grand a year. The guys who have to go into your,

Starting point is 01:37:20 the guys who have to go into homes where an old man died in the tub and liquefied. Like I literally read like a description. He's like the guy's testicles go into your man the guys who have to go into homes where an old man died in the tub and liquefied like i literally read like a description he's like the guy's testicles had swollen so large we had to puncture them with a needle to drain them i'll never forget that smell i had to burn all my clothes and i'm like this is a guy making forty thousand dollars a year he could just be a teacher i would have been wrong yeah Yeah, no, I would have thought your friends were right.

Starting point is 01:37:47 Huh. Yeah, because it's... And there's maybe some specialized expertise in there, right? You know, how to handle the bloated testicles is not something everyone knows how to do. Like, yeah, yeah, you know, getting blood out of carpet, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:38:01 Like prepping a home for sale. Club soda. All right, Taylor. that's all they have uh bandolier of lacroix i had i had friend and like the the people who end up doing that sort of thing like like i had friends who were volunteer firemen back where i'm from but they're the guys who get called with a serious car accident on the on the interstate and they would describe to me like they would have to shovel up like splattered remains of human beings and put them into these containers.

Starting point is 01:38:30 And I think they go off and they get DNA tested so that your goo goes in your coffin, essentially, and my goo goes in mine. But they had to be out there on the side of the road. These are just good old boys who are volunteer firemen and they like to put on the gear and go do all the practicing and run they're doing this this is not the one i was just in but that i knew from a while ago he his first job as a firefighter a guy got hit by a train and he got given the bucket because he was the new guy

Starting point is 01:39:03 and it's like all right walk along the tracks and pick up the pieces like walk along and try and find all the pieces job that's worse than people oh was there more that worse than people mostly think is a tow truck driver i had a friend i don't talk anymore from off-roading uh and he was a tow truck driver and you think like that's just hauling away from handicapped spots or something but no a lot of times they're post-accident. And they're right there with the first responders seeing the bodies going through the windshields and such. It's kind of a PTSD thing for them.

Starting point is 01:39:33 You mess with them a bit to see the dead people. Yeah. Yeah. No good. Not a fun job. They should make a hell of a lot more than $40,000 a year. Or should they? what if they work straight for the mob right that kind of dead body cleanup perhaps could pay much better obviously

Starting point is 01:39:51 that would pay more yeah yeah yeah what if i see the 40 000 position for the government is an entry-level position and then you find yourself a better employer like the mob or russian mob or not even for the government. Like if, for example, heaven forbid, someone passes away in your home, they're not going to do anything about it, about the goo and the blood and stuff. They'll come and haul the body away, like the coroner will. But you're left with that mess. You're the one who has to.

Starting point is 01:40:20 Yeah, you got to steam clean that. Yeah. And you'll probably have to move because that would be depressing. That would be terrible. Ghosts. Ghosts. Yeah. Well, the ghosts and just knowing as you're sitting down to watch Netflix or something,

Starting point is 01:40:34 you're like, yep, there's the spot. Pristine now, but the blood of that guy who came over. Or I thought my dad was an intruder or something like that. Not that. That would hit hard, too. I was just trying to think of the worst possible thing. God almost killed me like that once. Yeah, but why'd you shoot him five times?

Starting point is 01:40:53 He kept trying to get up. He was saying, no, son, no. I thought he was one of them tricky burglars. Don't get one over on old Cletus. I was watching Channel 6, the six the impressionist burglar they call the way that your friends and family the way they speak i'm telling you i'm not lying they wouldn't lie on fox four and they come by our house and then they impersonate them and then they then sometimes you gotta take care i like that they in this case it was actually my dad.

Starting point is 01:41:26 But I'd do it again. Better safe than sorry. I'd do it again. You know I got my entire inheritance regardless. Jesus Christ. And that was only after the untimely death of my own brother later that evening. Who was also an impressionable person. I tell you, they broke into my home, tied themselves to chairs, and then I had to defend myself.

Starting point is 01:41:48 I ran into Scott's house one time, and I won't go through the whole story, but it was that time where someone had been chasing us with a gun because we were trespassing. So we'd already been running from somebody with a gun that night. We were like 19, and he was 18. And I...

Starting point is 01:42:04 He made it back to his house before I could. Cause I took a roundabout loop to escape the gentleman. And when I opened the door to Scott's house, he's waiting there with a pistol and he goes, snap. And I'm like, what the fuck? He goes,

Starting point is 01:42:18 I don't know. Shit. I'm like, why? I thought, I thought you were him coming in. I'm like, what's me coming in? You should have knocked. I'm like why i thought i thought you were him coming in i'm like what's me coming in you should have knocked i'm like yeah i guess so i'll not forever now and there was a joke between us for like it still is to this day like even if like we've just been speaking to each other

Starting point is 01:42:37 and i go to the bathroom i knock from the inside of the bathroom i'm coming out so it snapped was there not one in the chamber was it a dud yeah he he had a like a 40 caliber smith and wesson semi-auto and he had not chambered chambered it up they were in the mag um but but you know he he it was aimed right at my stomach mistake to make under pressure area not for him he had he has no excuse i was like i was like you know what if i'd actually been a burglar? Mmm, Chad could have taken that thing right away from you from now on always one in the chamber hammerback locked and cocked That's how this family rolls Pussy

Starting point is 01:43:17 Where you stood exactly crippled me crippled me right there he probably probably would have it probably would have fucking killed me I'd have probably died right there hello this is fbs rush i'd have like a weaponized wheelchair i would have fucking ruined this podcast all your tone would have been gone just no it would have been better because like if i didn't want to show up i could just write a program that was very humorous woody i think he's asleep again he's drooling all over his goddamn shirt yeah that would have been sad you're made retarded yeah i'm glad he didn't shoot me i'm glad he didn't shoot me um Me too. I bet that would really fucking hurt. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:44:06 Yeah, I bet. That probably would really suck. Or, like many of the other deaths we've been talking about on the show tonight, not hurt at all. Instant. Yeah, if it was a shot to the chest, appropriate. No, the gut he was saying.

Starting point is 01:44:18 He was aimed dead center mass, probably right where your... Sturdum? Your liver? Right below your rib cage. What's that called? Where if you get hit there, it knocks where your... Your liver? Right below your ribcage. What's that called? Where if you get hit there, it knocks the wind out of you. Sternum, right? Am I crazy? Sure. I'll just say sternum.

Starting point is 01:44:32 I can't think of the word I was looking for. It would have probably fucking clipped my spine and ruined me or bled out right there. With a hollow.40 caliber point blank. I'm probably not surviving that. This ain't the movies. Plus there's Kyle. That's a big scar hit the reset button yeah yeah i just take myself out because of because of my vanity yeah uh ama question when did you guys know you wanted kids at what age is too early to get a vasectomy does it say say? I have this open.

Starting point is 01:45:05 I should see. I have the most interesting answer. And I think still he has a cool answer because I believe his travel year right here is the preamble to beginning his family. If I'm not wrong. I personally like knew a long time for a long time that I didn't want any, you know, I didn't want the responsibility, uh, the financial burden. And I just wasn't interested in creating a little me. And, uh, and you know, there's the

Starting point is 01:45:30 whole having to get married thing before that. And most of the time anyway, and, uh, and, and I just, I've always known that I didn't want any kids and I, I still like am there, you know, throughout my life, people to, ah, when you're, when you're 25, you'll change your mind. When you're 30, you'll change your mind. And just every milestone goes by. And I'm just like, man, I made a good decision. This is, I, I, you knew at 19, you knew at 19. Um, so for me, it's just like, I don't want that. I'll get a dog. I'll, I'll, if I, if I need like some sort of mentorship, good feelings, Big Brother program, right? I could do something like that. I could go Woody Allen with it.

Starting point is 01:46:10 You're right. Yeah, you could always adopt. Adopt a kid and then fuck him later. Yeah, like a good 16-year-old Asian lady. Something like that. Who needs a little male guidance. Yeah, it's a bit passe. It's been done. It's been done.

Starting point is 01:46:24 But hey, if it's broke broke don't fix it okay and uh wait that's not how that goes yeah the thing is if it's broke he don't fix it fool me again yeah that's that's how i i view that one um so so yeah for me it's the opposite and as far as what age is too young to get a vasectomy, I think you should wait to your, like, when do they say your brain fully develops?

Starting point is 01:46:49 Like 25? I think at least get to 25 before you make that decision because it's not like, there's a chance it doesn't go back. They can reverse it, but it's not like a light switch. It's not 100%. Yeah, they might say it's bad. It's not like you can't develop like sperm anymore you could always you might not deliver it very well i think that's like

Starting point is 01:47:11 you're going there with a syringe and remove some or you can freeze some and keep it on tap uh which isn't prohibitively expensive my friend had the syringe method of uh of having he had cystic fibrosis and uh one thing's about cystic fibrosis. And one of the things about cystic fibrosis is your body produces all this mucus and phlegm. And you think of it as a digestive or respiratory thing, but it's all over. And his body produced sperm just fine, but it didn't deliver it because his pipes are clogged.

Starting point is 01:47:38 And they went in there and extracted sperm with a needle somehow. It sounds terrible. And he had twins. That's pretty common with that, right? Yeah, yeah. I guess like you get it, they put like whatever

Starting point is 01:47:54 six eggs in there and then of course a cotillion sperm and sometimes you get multiples. Were they identical twins? No. Ah, okay, then that is the case. Yeah, I was going to say that. You said a cotillion sperm. I made up a number. And I pictured a bunch of them walking in with top hats.

Starting point is 01:48:09 Oh, you first, sir. Oh, you first, sir. I used to say a Brazilian as my imaginary number, but that already means something. No, I can tell you. It's better. We just learned the bigger numbers. so learn the bigger numbers yeah i think 20 25 still too early to be getting your uh what is your number i would say 30 that was mine too i don't think 25 is crazy that was kyle's and i don't think it's insane but i like

Starting point is 01:48:38 what if you already had like three kids by the age of 24 and we're saying the ship sailed yeah that's a good question and that would change things if you had made him once had a kid and he's just like that one's enough and he's done snip and straight away it was like one kid's enough and i know heaps of people in the army guys get shit for free so and health care wise so it's like hey i'll get a circumcision i'll get a fucking vasectomy like they do it all the time i'm digging into a circumcision just you know that big exercise coming up in july get out of that one honestly it happens more than you think just do the exercise and keep dick skin man

Starting point is 01:49:18 is it there's some other cosmetic surgery they could pick instead right like you know like you know what i've always thought my nose was a little extra let's do that i've always identified as someone without a right pinky toe no um if you had kids young and you you know yeah sure well even it really comes down to how old you are when you have your first kid you have kids young and that's your permanent family uh if you had kids young and you and the mom are not going to be married forever, then you might opt to go for a round two

Starting point is 01:49:51 also. Do better next time. That's what my dad did. I like this thought that you're better than... I don't know the difference between step and half sister, right? I'm number one. It took a couple tries to create the perfect child. Yeah, I won't quote my dad or anything, but number one here.

Starting point is 01:50:11 All right. There were three or four attempts beforehand. These weren't miscarriages. Not by the most literal sense, but these individuals are a tier below number one here. But these individuals are a tier below number one here. Your mom's just, Lamar, I can't keep getting abortions based on your hunch about it. I'm telling you, Holly, that's a demon baby. Only Kyle answered the, when do you know you wanted kids?

Starting point is 01:50:43 And that's a weird question for me because I always planned on having kids but i don't know that it was always my plan right in the same way that i always planned on finishing high school like it was just the autopilot that you do it wasn't until it was like in my 20s or so that i feel like it was something i wanted instead of just something that i was programmed to do if that makes any sense that makes sense yeah i did want kids for a while and then when i got to my mid and late 20s it was more like yeah like a lot of it was i was seeing my friends start having kids and it wasn't what i imagined of like oh you they they're gonna have no life they're gonna be totally boring now have to stay in every weekend do fucking nothing and you know obviously they can't come out and hang out as much as they did because these kids

Starting point is 01:51:29 are very young for the most part but they're still finding time to hang out do stuff have fun go to blues games like you know come hang out at my house or whoever's house drink go to bars whatever and so it was kind of a and also seeing how much like how happy they are with it like they never talk about it being a burden. They never talk about like I'm sure that in their head sometimes they're like, God, it would be so nice to just do whatever the fuck I want. But the reward they seem to get from raising their kids is way, way bigger than that, seemingly from the outside looking in. And so like I don't know, I just and then I also see people in like their 50s like especially women who don't have kids and something happens in the 40s early 50s for women who never had kids and

Starting point is 01:52:12 they start to become weird and like they i feel like there's like a misplaced like parental urge so that instead of like telling their kid don't touch that don't do this don't do that they hop on twitter and they're like you can't say that, don't do this, don't do that. They hop on Twitter and they're like, you can't say that, you can't say this. Trying to police other adults and I'm like, ah, that's misplaced maternal instinct, maybe. And so I do want kids. Those are the same ladies who

Starting point is 01:52:35 end up getting dogs that they take to dog shows. They love obedience training. Yeah, they love obedience training. They're the ones who are like, oh, I need my stress relief dog it's like bitch i wish we could open the hatch of this plane and throw you out we'll keep the dog oh i'm on the other team if someone brings a stress relief dog i like that dog i like that too yeah yeah as a matter of fact i think i'll get a little uh secondhand stress relief

Starting point is 01:53:01 off of this dog a little dog like like this? A-okay. I've seen people bring full-size Labradors. Yeah. Oh, I like that. I like that, too. Yeah, if there was a full-size Labrador standing on the chair looking back at me, we'd be friends by the end of the flight. Yeah, I'd be feeding him stuff. I like that.

Starting point is 01:53:20 Have a little bit of my Bloody Mary. I don't mind. Have a little bit of my Bloody Mary. i don't mind a little bit of my bloody mary the dog's just in the front seat my dog not my dog not my problem not my dog not my problem yeah i wish there were dogs everywhere like whenever i see

Starting point is 01:53:36 that like like like especially if they're well trained like sweet dogs and especially if it's a lap that's my favorite breed of dog i think they're just so it looks like they look like they're smiling all the time they're just happy to see you but what i don't get on board with is the the service animals that are like oh that's your comfort giraffe that's your that's your stress beagle that's your stress bingle tiger that's your feel-good chinchilla no i i was waiting for my i've literally seen and i don't know what service they were providing, but I've seen a service parrot and a service iguana.

Starting point is 01:54:07 Actually, those I'm okay with because those are small and you can control. I'm talking about those people who bring full-size pigs and ostrich flamingos. If your animal is going to inconvenience me, and if you brought an animal that doesn't control its bowels, if it's just, oh, he's marking. No, you bring a chinchilla on board and he decides to spray hot acrid urine at me like like it's not gonna work my my theory with the iguana and the parrot is that they're not stress relief animals at all they just prefer that to however you normally bring animals on planes what are they like drug them and stick them downstairs and yeah how can a lizard possibly be comforting right right so they're just using this it's my service lizard don't ask any questions

Starting point is 01:54:52 it's medical privacy as a way to get them inside checkmate yeah i don't like i like seeing the dogs as long as they're little ones it's more i have a little feeling a little tinge of frustration at the people bringing them because i'm maybe i'm wrong but my feeling is always like i guarantee that you flew before you were allowed to bring this dog with you i think you're trying to skirt the rules with some i'm stressed out nonsense when in reality you're just trying to not have to put your pup with all the rest in the cargo. I would much rather see you bring your Great Dane on this plane than your crying baby. I don't know. Those Great Danes fart. Actually, yeah.

Starting point is 01:55:33 Great Dane, bad choice. They can actually. The little guy. Let's go with the same size. Beagle over baby. That's my whole slogan campaign promise. If it's a well-behaved dog and it's not yipping. They should put the babies down below in cages.

Starting point is 01:55:48 Yeah, like they do it in China. I actually hate the fact that the kids go on the plane first. You know when they're parents with young infants and elderly on the plane? I could put the kids on last. So you're all settled in. Yep, sweet. Now let the fucking more...

Starting point is 01:56:02 Those screaming fucking children. Right? And it minimizes their time on the plane exactly last on that's genius oh we didn't get a we didn't get pastillion on the uh yeah um the what is it let me read it again when did you guys know you wanted kids at what age is too early to get a vasectomy i always wanted to have kids when i was young i was like i'm gonna have kids when i'm 20 they'll have kids when they're 20 i'll be a great grandparent by the time i'm 60 real sweet you know what i mean but um but then i turned like i don't know 20 and i was like nah she can she can wait for a while i think i don't know i come from a really big family my dad catholic i'm one of eight you know and i don't think I'm number one, but I'm number seven. Number seven.

Starting point is 01:56:45 Kind of lost in the mix there. I was like, still haven't got the right one yet. We're getting close. But yeah, so for me, I was always like, I'll just have kids when I'm financially stable and happy with what I'm doing. And that's where it was always at. So it was like, I never was in once in the army. Like I'm going to have kids when I'm in the army because fuck that you're never home your kid will grow up you

Starting point is 01:57:08 will never know what what it is it's like you know what are you doing with your life so for me it was always like i'm gonna get out of the army then my kids and then then uh europe came along well like after europe's good time to have kids. Finish our traveling for a bit. But see, you guys are talking about how you get locked down. So the European trip is just for practice. Yeah, something like that. But the way I see it is you don't have to get locked down once you have kids. I'm so set on getting in. They call it au pair.

Starting point is 01:57:36 I'm pretty sure it is. And you get some hot chick from fucking Sweden. My wife can have a pool boy to look at. I'll get some hot chick to look after our kid in Australia Australia and she could have a pool boy to clean the pool. And that's our eye candy. And then our kids are looked after when we want to go out for a movie and dinner and stuff like that. You know, and sometimes you have a taste.

Starting point is 01:57:56 Yeah. A bit of a sweet. Yeah, but still, you're not playing with fire at all. By bringing a hot young girl into the relationship at a time when it's very, very fragile and your wife is cutting down 40 pounds of baby weight. Brilliant, baby. I think that's perfect. Sometimes you've got to just tell your wife, you know, 30 pounds from now will knock some boots.

Starting point is 01:58:15 But for now, I'm going with our babysitter. You can watch if you want. Right. No, but like, in all seriousness all seriousness like they're so cheap you just like put them in your house you feed them a little bit of food and they give a little bit of an income on the side so they can you know a day off a week and you got actually a full-time like child care in australia is not cheap particularly if you actually make a bit of money as well you don't get all the actual extra subsidies and stuff to reduce the cost. No, you're right, honey. I'm being selfish.

Starting point is 01:58:45 Ivanka, eat a pussy for a bit. I don't want to go down there after the birth. It's a fucking manhouse. I'm just thinking of fun ways to use your sexy Swedish candy. Look, he's brainstorming on your behalf, Pistilli. This is a service we offer. Yeah. That seems like

Starting point is 01:59:08 a great service. I thought you would say Russian because I feel like Sweden, that's a nice enough country. They're going to probably stay, right? Where a lot of Russian women, they'll get shipped anywhere but Russia, it seems, right? Yeah, because you've got a little more leverage then. Because if you get a Swedish chick, she's like,

Starting point is 01:59:24 I'm going home. This is ridiculous. But if you've a swedish chick she's like i'm going home this is ridiculous but if you've got yourself a russian she's like better than gulag yeah that's that's thinking ahead you do whatever you want to her yeah that's the yeah wild stuff man i hope that you order a Russian girlfriend at some point, Kyle. That'd be a fun thing to watch. At some point, yeah. That hasn't happened. No, that's why I phrased it that way.

Starting point is 01:59:52 Yeah. At some point. Yeah, that'd be neat. I can't remember what it was. It was either on TLC or... No, it must have been fucking YouTube like five years ago. There was a whole series of following these fucking losers. Some of the biggest losers you've ever seen.

Starting point is 02:00:11 Some of the biggest losers, folks. Ask anyone. Let's just make people call them the biggest losers. And these guys would pay to get women from like Belarus and Russia and like Mongolia. Probably not Mongolia. That's a happy country. And shipping them there. And so much of the time

Starting point is 02:00:27 you got some frumpy... What's that? It wasn't on MTV. I remember seeing it somewhere as well. I'm sure there's a multitude of these shows. I just know that these very attractive women would show up. And then a guy who's like 5'4 and 200 pounds

Starting point is 02:00:44 overweight. And you would immediately see in her eyes just the... women would show up and then a guy who's like five foot four and 200 pounds overweight and you would immediately see in her eyes like just the havana you do what you gotta do here like that's what you got and you got this like bald humpty dumpy looking motherfucker just ecstatic but then most of the time it would follow him back to the house and then it would ask like two weeks in to be like so scott how is everything going with ivana he's like well we i've been on the couch i'm letting her get acclimated in the bedroom uh we haven't had any physical touch yet which is fine which is fine i told her we'll take her time on it and it's like you go to her and she's like i'm really just waiting until

Starting point is 02:01:22 brother dimitri show up he cleared you get the green card next quarter or like something like that. It's like, man, these guys are getting absolutely bamboozled, which is fair because they're trying to bamboozle these women. Yeah, there was one of them with like, he was like writing out checks every day. Like, here's your money for the day. Why were they bamboozling the women though? Because I felt like they were getting what they signed up for.

Starting point is 02:01:45 They were, but it's predatory to be like, oh, here's somebody in search of a better life. I can be that shoulder to cry on. All you got to do is kind of this tacit understanding that we're going to fuck and be... Like, it is predatory to go after women. The idea is that you're able to... Because of where you live

Starting point is 02:02:05 and the opportunities that your country will provide, you're able to get someone that you normally wouldn't be able to get. They are disadvantaged by their own citizenship. Yeah, big power in the house. I've always thought this Me Too style stuff, there were two sides of the story, right? Like on one side,

Starting point is 02:02:23 you've got a guy who's using his position of advantage to get sex. On the other side, you've got a woman using sex to get what she wants. Why is it one-sided in this storytelling that we're having? These women get a green card

Starting point is 02:02:39 and all they have to give up is, I don't know, 15, 18 fucks. More than that, if they want to do lifetime stuff but yeah i don't maybe you're right it's just it's it's street it strikes me as skeevy because of the kind of guy who is doing it like any of the four of us it would never cross our minds to be like i gotta hit up a belarusian woman that is in poverty and fucking trying to make corn grow in the killing fields out there and you know i'm gonna ship her in here because the only kind of person who would do that is someone who is kind of a loser you know like they women who already

Starting point is 02:03:16 live in the first world don't want to be with him you know and so he's he's using that status he has to take advantage of someone who's kind of in need. And then the other thing is, I think what I've seen in those shows is that a lot of times these ladies think that they're marrying a rich American because maybe that's a stereotype in their village, right? Just like we have stereotypes. I'm sure when I say Japanese businessman, we could all draw the same thing. Lots of cameras, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're all picturing the same guy right now and so i think when they hear american man they're like oh yeah tom brady

Starting point is 02:03:52 and then fucking humpty dumpty shows up right and he's like here it is this is my modular home if you walk down the hall there no don't step on the rotten spot. You'll fall clean through. That is the master bedroom. They're like, oh, Jesus Christ. My house was better than this in the fucking village. This is no good. Yeah. Yeah. That is a thing. I'm remembering now at least one where the woman came over thinking he was a rich American and he lived in like a duplex, which lots of nice duplexes out there. This was not one of them. This was a shithole, just a really shitty place. And so, you know, that, you know, that's the risk she took when she met up with, you know, Steve Williamson from, you know, the middle of Arkansas

Starting point is 02:04:45 in his modular home. Yeah. I watched one where the guy was like, he had been looking for a long time and like it kept going wrong. And, and these services are very predatory. The ones who like, it's not like you do this. It's not peer-based necessarily. It's not like, ah, yeah, I'm looking for you and you're looking for me like a dating website there's a uh there's a whole enterprise where you gather the women advertise them post their bios on your website and the men pay them and the and and there's a middleman it's like ordering a pizza or something off the dark web trickery involves misleading um well you know some facilitation you know it's not necessarily always nefarious but there is facilitation by a third party who's like bringing the women together

Starting point is 02:05:30 aggregating them putting them in categories like oh you want this this and that well these are the eight women that we think would be good from you this one's from czech republic this one's blah blah blah um and i feel like i don't know it's it's a real skeevy sketchy kind of for sure no doubt but in the end a lot of times these guys aren't are just looking for love right you know And I feel like, I don't know, it's a real skeevy, sketchy kind of scenario. For sure, no doubt. But in the end, a lot of times these guys are just looking for love, right? I don't think they're all looking for like a sex slave. A lot of them are just lonely guys. Yeah, a lot of them are just lonely. That's totally fair.

Starting point is 02:05:56 And loneliness can make you do some pretty desperate things. You know, like if they're one of those guys who's like, I've tried dating here. I've been lonely for 15 years. Like I can't do this anymore. I'm going to fucking kill myself unless I get some sort of human companionship. So yeah, that part makes you just a sad situation all around.

Starting point is 02:06:15 Glad we're talking about this. Yeah. Well, you know, that's a chief export in Russia's economy. I still wonder, though, if there's not some way for this to happen a little more win-win, right? Like, let's take away the Russian bride aspect of it and just say, all right, I'm, you know, bagel guy or bagel man, whatever his name was, but I'm a multimillionaire, right? So that guy with cash, he can swing above or fight above his weight class. I'm looking for the term there. You know, he might get a hot chick that otherwise,

Starting point is 02:06:53 if they were just looking at the physical and emotional package, wouldn't be interested in him. But when the package completes a little bit, he can fight above his weight class. So maybe the American citizenship and the Russian bride thing, you can just pull a little better tail than you could otherwise. And if they went into it wide open and well informed, it would be a good relationship. That's where a lot of people go to Asia.

Starting point is 02:07:18 Oh? Heaps of people go to Asia. Separated with their first wife wife they go to asia you know they're in their 40s 50s 60s 70s and then like they get some 21 year old you know hot asian chick and hey come back to my country and you know yeah i'm not discounting anything in the future you know that's not an american thing people don't go to Asia but I can see how in Europe I meant to say Australia very common my friend went to Thailand

Starting point is 02:07:50 and he insists that he didn't do anything other than kickboxing I'll pressure him on it when he's drunk but he hasn't cracked so I think he might actually be telling the truth go ahead Kyle I've got another AMA question by the way if you become a $10 Patreon not only do you get access to PKN

Starting point is 02:08:06 but you also get to ask these questions from us have any of you ever had what a religious person might call a spiritual experience like a crazy coincidence that might delude someone I like your language buddy you're really coming into this from a spiritual standpoint

Starting point is 02:08:22 into believing in something supernatural or just a powerful meaningful experience that somehow shaped from a neutral standpoint into believing in something supernatural or just a powerful, meaningful experience that somehow shaped how you view the world. He's been a fan since he's 14 years old. He's 22 now. Love you guys. I do like the way he asked that.

Starting point is 02:08:36 Hey, idiots, have you ever been tricked? Yeah, I think the thing would be that I've been in a lot of like close calls and it just seemed like nothing ever hurt me and so after a while i started believing maybe not in an actual god who's like a guy with a gray beard watching over me but maybe in fate maybe that like i just think that i'm not saying i'm meant for something greater i'm not gonna be the john connor of the future but maybe i'm just not supposed to die like this or it would have happened. This just seems so stupid what just happened. And I'm not just talking about stuff that I filmed, but like stupid. I, you know, there's a reason that I,

Starting point is 02:09:13 I was so quick to start doing stupid stuff on the internet. I'd been doing that stuff my whole life, you know, just, just real dangerous, dangerous, stupid things out in a field or a pasture on a, you know, getting on top of moving vehicles on the highway, like climbing out the passenger side window and just surfing on top of the car or, you know, jumping on top of a bull's back that when I had no training to do such a thing or, you know, lots of gun stuff that was just, it wasn't that I was necessarily being unsafe, but it was just it wasn't that i was necessarily being unsafe but it was just an unsafe situation lots of atv accidents i've been in like where i got concussions and got thrown and but i never died you know i i i hit a i hit a piece of wire once

Starting point is 02:09:56 on an atv going as fast as it would go i don't know how fast that is and the wire caught me right in the throat to the point and it just pulled me right off and i just got up i don't know i just so after a while maybe it's ridiculous to think this way i was like maybe i'm just not supposed to die in some kind of stupid thing maybe i'm supposed to die old in a bed or maybe i'm supposed to die in some other stupid way that just hasn't happened yet yeah that's more likely yeah supposed to show up really fucking juju b for, I don't really think there's been any spiritual kind of moment. But there's two things that come to mind. There's been more life-changing moments. I actually was drinking a lot in my late teens, like a shitload.

Starting point is 02:10:38 I'd get blind drunk, drive home pretty much three, four nights a week. And I was just like, you know i'm like almost untouchable you know like as you were saying and then i got done for drink driving and i actually thought it was a lot more drunk than i was when i got pulled up and i didn't blow much over but i only lost my license for six months which was awesome um compared to what it could have been um and after that i actually had a very big change in how i perceived my health and everything it was a bit of a wake-up call like you know like you wake up like shit that was stupid what i was doing um and i could have heard someone i'll never really never drink drive it's actually

Starting point is 02:11:17 stupid as fuck that was one thing where i changed my actual health side of things i don't really drink much anymore you saw me have a beer before, but that was my wine down from the stream. And then a few years ago, about five years ago, one of my grandmother's friends was at the house, and I was talking to her about life, which was kind of a weird topic. But she was telling me about how I said to her, you know, did you ever really want to travel or anything like that because you seem like a really happy person and she goes i've never traveled outside of australia

Starting point is 02:11:51 i'm like oh did that bother you she's like yes it does and she wanted this massive like almost like a tangent preach i was she was really upset that she'd never lived her life how she wanted to live it her parents told her she had to get married have kids all that kind of stuff and and and i was like that's you know really upsetting i don't want to live my life like that where i'm living it to someone else's expectation and she died soon after that and that's kind of resonated with me a lot so that's not the reason why i want to do i want to live life how i want to live it there was definitely a major contributing factor to now i don't like that's why i got out of the army it was the main reason

Starting point is 02:12:31 i got out it's like i'm sick of doing things on someone else's schedule if i want to go to europe i'm going to go to europe if i want to jump out of plane i'm going to jump out of plane and if i want to take a day off today i'm going to take a fucking day off yeah i had a similar thing like like my dad told me the story of when my uncle was dying of cancer They were very close And uh, and and as he's in the hospital bad bed and dad's talking to him My uncle said, you know, if I get out of here, let's travel Let's let's do this and that dad's like if you get out of here

Starting point is 02:12:56 We're gonna buy a quarter million dollar rv and we're gonna see every state we're going to this and we're going to that Well, you know, he died a year later but I was really happy that like I got to do a lot of traveling like i've been to most of the states like all the way up both like i drove from georgia all the way up to seattle and then back and then georgia all the way up past new york and you know i've been to like 40 states or something like that so i'm i'm glad i did a lot of that i plan to do more of that lately it's one of those things i don't know if you guys heard shack talking recently about kobe bryant dying the video's huge right now i don't know 15 million views in a day or something like that it's really heartfelt is it a short video we should watch it it's probably nba and you know the nba is um but i

Starting point is 02:13:42 strongly suggest anybody uh out there that's interested at all. It doesn't matter if you're interested in Kobe Bryant or basketball or Shaq. It's just, it's sort of a life lesson of him regretting not spending more time with Kobe and really not spending more time telling him how he felt about him. And so, you know,

Starting point is 02:13:59 people that have lost people like that, I think all of us sort of try to do that. I try to tell everybody that I care about, that I care about them. I guess you two will notice, you know, you don't hear that too much from me. Take a hint.

Starting point is 02:14:10 Never. Not once. Not once. Not once. That's intentional. Bitch. But it's important. No,

Starting point is 02:14:20 I love you guys. I really do. You guys are a big part of my life. I love both of you. I really do. From the heart. Really, really love you guys. I wish the best for you all the guys. I really do. You guys are a big part of my life. I love both of you. I really do. From the heart. Lots of love here. Love you guys. I wish the best for you all the time. I really do. Even though you're

Starting point is 02:14:30 misguided and you don't want to have those kids. You're just going to be a fucking bum. You dumb fuck. Get a dog. Get another dog. Don't do it. This is like three months ago. We were talking about this and Kyle goes, God, Taylor, fuck. I hope you're sterile.

Starting point is 02:14:47 He wants the best for you when he says that. If I am, we'll have a wild life. This is exactly how a jihadist's best friend feels. As he sees his friend go farther and farther into more and more radical parts of the religion, he starts hanging around with a bunch of... Now he's growing the beard out and he used parts of the religion. He starts hanging around with a bunch of... Now he's growing the beard out, and he used to drink with us, and now he's

Starting point is 02:15:08 preaching to us about this and that. He's really anti-American all of a sudden. He came home the other night and he had one of those... His face was all black because some soot had went off. He said he was just cleaning a chimney, but I think it was testing explosives. I feel

Starting point is 02:15:24 like you're slowly becoming a jihadi. Is that goat blood on your penis again? It's not supposed to bleed. I'm just watching you slip closer and closer into being a terrorist. And there's nothing I can do. It's a comparison. It's exactly that. Because you're committing reproductive suicide suicide by reproduction

Starting point is 02:15:47 that is the opposite of what he's suicide by reproduction yeah yeah yeah reproduction and suicide seem like opposite things no no kyle's made lots of salient points in that well thought out i was reading that that. That's a scared statement. There's no way to some nonsense I'm spouting because children shouldn't have children. Don't do it. Don't do it. It'll be a while from now, but then again, I'm only using the pull-out method of safety, so who knows? It could be

Starting point is 02:16:17 any time. Sterile. Sterile. Sterile. Sterile. Big money. No whammies. I've been looking up all sorts of black magic to sterilize you. It turned out that rad radium is the best way radium really yeah yeah i mean if i can't have kids i'm not adopting all the money i make is just gonna be for me doing fun things the rest of my life then right i can save some up make sure that i go to a really fun old folks home because I don't want like mean old folk home

Starting point is 02:16:48 because you know all those horrible stories you hear about in old folks homes where it's like oh this fucking 78 year old woman like this caretaker got impatient and just started smack smack smack hit the old folks home with the highest sexually transmitted disease rate no

Starting point is 02:17:04 that's the good one. Well, okay. You're like, hey, I came here to party and they're like, we're all just really afraid of that one orderly. Just don't make eye contact. Also, he has the clap. That's not at all how I saw

Starting point is 02:17:22 this going. I thought this was party central. Oh no. Oh, no. Oh, no. That must be a fun thing to do. Getting the doctor to check up. You're 83 years old, frail, and you're doing a lot of fucking. They're like, Mr. Johnson, you have chlamydia again. He's like, don't even bother fixing it.

Starting point is 02:17:40 Who fucking cares? Oh, it's going to hurt me when I'm 88? I'm not making it that long, bitch. I can read my chart. That kind of shit. Oh, speaking of, I don't know, some STD test when we think of it, my DNA test should be back tomorrow. So my next week's show, I'll have not only all of my

Starting point is 02:17:59 genealogy or whatever you call it, like what parts of the world my ancestors reign from but also like the chances that i'll develop cancer or um um what's our um a bunch of alzheimer's yeah i couldn't couldn't remember what that other what's the name of that thing that makes you forget being an asshole it's god punishing you no no the other one the one that's real yeah alzheimer's I'll find out. Actually, I'm going to double check that it hasn't come in now

Starting point is 02:18:27 because they're at the point where they're like calculating data or something. Now it hasn't come in. Oh, did you get it online? I pictured a package. I see. Yeah. As soon as like I use 23andMe. I'm going to log in and like. Just point out to the audience

Starting point is 02:18:43 another PKA promise made. Another PKA promise kept, as per typical. I think Kyle's going to be mostly white. Mostly white. The light from the... It's so bright. He's just doing a half dab that's what he's doing yeah that's what that is um yeah first i was registered then my stuff arrived at the lab that was prepped extracted genotyped reviewed and now they are computing the results and that is the what the final step so they said i'll know that was yesterday and it says one to two days so i

Starting point is 02:19:21 would imagine tomorrow i'll know so next year i'll be able to show up in full native american headdress or maybe like some sort of rastafarian thing i'm taking advantage of this yeah whatever you are i hope you get good results yeah yeah me too i hope i get some fucking crazy results i'm a little worried that i'm like going to get cancer and that this is going to be like oh yeah 100, 100%. You've probably got it now at your age. Well, guys, bad news. I'm going to get cancer of the colon, but I can say the N-word. Also, sickle cell anemia

Starting point is 02:19:56 is on the rise. Yeah. I don't know if I'd want to know that stuff. The disease stuff, that would really spook me. I paid $100 extra just to know that. They offered it to me after I registered the kit and everything. They're like, hey, for $100 extra,

Starting point is 02:20:14 would you like to know your odds of getting this and that and whether you have aversion to cilantro? Some people's cilantro tastes like soap to them. Now, obviously, I know that I'm not one of those people people but it gives you so much data like that things that are genetically related do you think you'll become paranoid about certain things though like you know i i i i've long said i live like a throwaway account yeah i just don't care like when we used to play call of duty we'd make these new accounts just to run through the first 40 or 50 levels in a week or so and it's like oh yeah okay now i'm done throw it away not renewing that account that's that's that's the way everyone

Starting point is 02:20:54 should live their lives because those are the most fun accounts that's fair i think i'm the only one who did the question but i don't have a good answer no spiritual experiences for me i can't think of anything uh oh the spiritual experience yeah have you ever had a what are you serious right now you tried to kill yourself and the rope broke yeah it was i everything is so easily explained though i my attachment point was weak and the rope didn't break the uh i don't if people are going to know what this is, but on a skylight you have this thing on a bar that you turn and you hook it and it's just threaded on there and it's weak and the hook came off the skylight. Fair enough.

Starting point is 02:21:36 Thank God Hank Hill wasn't there with you prepping that hanging station. You got to countersink it, Woody. Now you're never going to get quite the snap if you don't countersink it. Yeah, I just feel like all this stuff is like, oh, yeah, well, that was obviously too weak to do this. Oh, right, this happens. And unlike you, I've been hurt plenty of times. Someone asked me how many bones I broke, and I wasn't sure. I also like to make a lot of bad decisions, but I seem to pay for them.

Starting point is 02:22:07 Yeah. I also like to make a lot of bad decisions, but I seem to pay for them. So yeah, anyway. Nothing that I write off to a divine intervention. Yeah. Any spiritual stuff for you, Bastilli? Not really spiritual, but definitely life-changing moments. Like I said before about my grandmother's friend who just before she passed away, she hated the fact

Starting point is 02:22:26 that she lived her life you know how her parents told her to live it and was she traveled and done all the things she wanted to say yeah she was really upset about it and i could tell and you know like when you're looking at like someone who's like you know a lot older and they're telling you something but you know they're actually telling you it's like i was like shit i don't want to be like that see now you're in the netherlands look at that yeah everything's working out and you're planning on going all over europe right like like how long are you in the netherlands for i've got it i've ordered i've rented a house for 12 months so i've got my computer set up here i've got all my strings oh so that's going to be home base and you're going to like visit around yeah i bought a really shitty ford focus it's like a like just a little shit shit box it's

Starting point is 02:23:09 just gonna get me around like i drove one of those belgium i hated it yeah so it's actually pretty good on fuel um they'll give me like france belgium uh what else is it good for thing is like i'm really keen to like hire a really really expensive fast car and then just get straight into germany just fucking go as fast as i can on that autobahn that'd be sick you should yeah what else is a ford focus good keeps you monogamous got that control um we just needed a car just so if we wanted to like just go just down the street or something but everything's so like we're like a couple hundred meters away from like everything we're ever going to need from like the supermarket and that and then everything is same day or next day

Starting point is 02:23:54 delivery like we haven't found a single thing we couldn't get ordered the next day so at the moment we pretty much just order some random shit every day so this old fella keeps coming back to our house and then we just give him a glass of water because he doesn't speak english but he's always really thirsty so he's like hey glass of water and he's like you didn't have that in australia that like logistics no definitely not there's everything's better here except for fuel price yeah we have that everything i get from amazon is available pretty much tomorrow the next day if you want groceries and stuff they just bring it that day every single thing i can think of at the moment that i've experienced is better in europe except for uh fuel prices so yeah america is is is even good about that i think we've probably got the cheapest gasoline in the world

Starting point is 02:24:44 right i'd probably say that well right there's like venezuela that has it free but for by and is even good about that. I think we've probably got the cheapest gasoline in the world, right? I'd probably say that. Well, it can't be that, right? There's like Venezuela that has it free, but by and large, we must be near the best. It's free in Venezuela? Yeah, I think they consider it a public resource. And, you know, it's like, hey,

Starting point is 02:24:56 there are these companies mining our country and making money off of it. Our benefit from this, you know, being our nation, is that it's free and it's not free free but it's like pennies a gallon let me see how if I'm right on that yeah I just wanted to say cheapest in the world Saudi Arabia 91 cents a gallon kind of makes sense really not rising yeah Venezuela is point zero one five cents per liter and it's been the same cost since 1997.

Starting point is 02:25:26 So literally like nothing. A penny and a half a liter, yeah. Four liters in a gallon, incalculable, but not a lot. As long as I buy four. I don't know that you could do that. First rule of math, you can't times something

Starting point is 02:25:43 unless it's a full number. Is that 6 cents a gallon? Am I doing it right? I think I am. I remember day one of multiplying fractions in third or fourth grade and just being like, there's just no way! But how?

Starting point is 02:26:04 Here's the thing, though, Woody. It's two cents a gallon in Venezuela. Okay. Average daily wage, $16. Ah, see, that's poor. Yeah, where Saudi Arabia, for example. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Starting point is 02:26:17 Yang has a similar process. He wants to do this $1,000 a month thing, like a stipend, but that's not what he calls it. But, and he's basically like, hey, you know, these companies like Amazon are making tons and tons of money and paying zero in taxes. Your share of that should be this.

Starting point is 02:26:35 And he wants to put a little sales tax on it, a value added tax or whatever. I don't know if, I guess that's a little socialist, but there's a piece of me that's like, shucks, if cattle farmers are grazing national parks and raising their cows and getting what is effectively free food from a public resource,

Starting point is 02:26:55 should we get some sort of benefit from that as citizens of owners of this public resource? Maybe. Yeah. You know, or turn that to oil, right? If people are mining and they're not owning that land or if they're chopping down trees from public land, then should we not already get a cut of those trees?

Starting point is 02:27:17 It's just a question that's worth asking. Instead of giving away a public resource to a public company for some reason. That seems a little predatory almost. I was thinking of when you mentioned Yang's proposal there, instead of giving away a public resource to a public company for some reason like that seems a little predatory almost i was thinking of when you mentioned yang's proposal there i was thinking i just recently watched have any of you seen the new twilight zone that has jordan peele as the the host i have not i've seen one which one is no way it holds i would need a memory boost on that yeah okay so i watched i think that's the one I haven't watched.

Starting point is 02:27:46 That's episode one, actually. So it's cool. I did not want to buy the CBS streaming service, but Kitty really likes all of their nonsense TV shows. So she's CBS, CBS. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:27:58 And so now I have access to Star Trek Picard, which I wanted to see anyway. So, and like see everything CBS has ever done, you know, as far as the television shows, which is slim pickings if you're me, because I don't like most of that garbage. I don't need to see Young and the Restless from a decade ago. But I saw that they had the Twilight Zone, the new one. There's one season, three stars.

Starting point is 02:28:19 So I wasn't I didn't have very high expectations. And I've watched three or four episodes. A lot of them seem to have very liberal undertones where they're like, like one of them, all the men become very toxic because of meteors and they become very rapey and violent. And it's, I was like, okay, you're really slapping us in the face with it, huh? But one of them that I liked was this campaign manager fails at getting this guy elected president when he thought he was going to do it. And so he's becoming alcoholic,

Starting point is 02:28:51 he's drinking. And then this child, this literal nine or 10-year-old makes a YouTube video like, hey, I'm Timmy and I want to run for president. Here's what I promise. And the video gets 12 million views. And he's like, yes. So he goes to Timmy's house and he's like, look, worst case scenario, talking to the parents, worst case scenario, if I represent you, you're going to get so much money from endorsement deals and advertising. His college is going to be paid for his sister's college is going to be paid for and their grandchildren's colleges will be paid for late. Like that's the worst thing that can happen. And technically Mrs. Timmy, his mom, your name's going will be paid for. Like, that's the worst thing that can happen.

Starting point is 02:29:29 And technically, Mrs. Timmy, his mom, your name's going to be on the ballot, but we're running him as the candidate. And they're like, all right, we're in. Long story short, they elect a 10-year-old to be the president of the United States. And one of his campaign promises was free video games for everyone. And everybody was laughing at that. They thought it was really cute. Then he gets, he's in the Oval Office and he's like, they're like, he's like, all right, first thing, we got to fulfill my campaign promises. Free video games for everyone. And they're like, Timmy, he goes, Mr. President.

Starting point is 02:29:59 And they kind of chuckle. Oh, Mr. President. We can't just give free video games to everyone. Either you do it or we put a million dollar surcharge on every Game Boy and we put them out of business. Do it. And so like like the weeks go by and like everybody's getting real concerned, especially the campaign manager. And he's talking to like one of the joint chiefs, the military guy. Right. He's like, aren't you a little worried about this? And he's like, what you're saying is sounding a lot like treason,

Starting point is 02:30:29 mister. Look, I don't care if it's a child, a dog or a grown man. He's the president of the United States. Everybody loves his promises. Those video games, everybody loved them.

Starting point is 02:30:39 Everybody loving them. All right. He's killing the polls. I do what that man says. He's like, but he's a boy president, Mr. President. He's killing the pulse. I do what that man says. He's like, but he's a boy president, Mr. President. He's like, fuck, everybody has bought into this. But me, he goes to the kid's mom. He's like, Timmy may be sitting behind that desk, but you're actually the president of the

Starting point is 02:30:59 United States. Do you think you could reign him in? She's like, why would I want to do that? Everything's going so well. I would never, I would never get in Timmy's way. And it's like, oh my God, I fucked up. The president of the United States is a 10 year old child and he is a brat and he's a maniac. Like, like for one of the first things he does is he passes a law. Like he doesn't like old, they're like, Mr. President, you got to get a physical. It's required by Congress. He's like, He doesn't like old. They're like, Mr. President, you got to get a physical. It's required by Congress. He's like, no, no.

Starting point is 02:31:29 You cancel the appointment permanently. And as a matter of fact, no more old doctors make it happen. And they're like, fuck. Old starts at 27. No. That's too old because Timmy's 10. Old men much older than 10 to a much younger than 27 to a 10 year old that was my joke i didn't expect to go lower it happened oh yeah yeah it's a lot of that stuff and timmy becomes a real scary guy because he's everybody's does what he says it's

Starting point is 02:31:59 uh he becomes a it's it's a good episode it was an old twilight zone that the kid had a superpower but it was similar. I remember he... Everybody was afraid of him. Where everybody's in the house, and he makes them have dessert for breakfast, or whatever the fuck it is. He turns somebody into a disgusting inside-out monster, and they're like,

Starting point is 02:32:16 that's real good what you did. That's real good. Yes, yes, we all like the thing you did. It's real good. We all like the thing you did. They're we all like the thing you did they're all just terrified of the kid because he'll just wish you into oblivion if he if he feels like it or blow you up or something yeah yeah well maybe i'll try that show out i just i don't know it doesn't sound nearly as good as the old stuff it's not although like i said one of the cool

Starting point is 02:32:44 additions was you can watch it in black and white like there's 10 episodes i think and they show if you just keep scrolling past number 10 it starts over again but they're all in black and white i've watched four of them they're so so and i really like the original remember you outlined the in the early in the story the worst case scenario you know it goes kind of viral when college is paid for that's rebecca black's real life that's what they did with that money i don't know if it changed as she entered college age but yeah she's like i've made enough to go to school now and like that's kind of neat i thought people making fun of her she dropped out of school she got bullied a lot they kept saying it was friday it's the

Starting point is 02:33:19 friday chick yeah yeah but um uh i don't know i guess she she is it worth it if you're a teenager i wonder i would like to hear adult her i bet she made a lot of she probably made close to a million dollars that's a lot of views though right let's talk about that she had more than that she had endorsement deals i'm sure you know like she probably made eight hundred thousand dollars or something like that that's a ton of money for a 15 year old to get life started. Yeah. Like that can be a growing interest while, while you go and get through as opposed to most kids who start with like

Starting point is 02:33:51 negative 40,000 coming out of college. Yeah. Yeah. If you're lucky, negative 40. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:33:59 It could be a lot more than that. You're right. I didn't want to say a hundred cause that seemed like a lot, but it happens. Yeah. Oh, she's still got a YouTube channel. She's probably still making money off it. This one I have to read. Do you guys think that sports rivalries are good?

Starting point is 02:34:18 Or is it just a forced thing for fans of a certain team to hate their rival? Or is it just fun competition? Also, fuck the blues i think that sports rivalries are both real and contrived there and a lot of the times they will be contrived and pumped up by the network right because they want you to watch this game or that game oftentimes the teams don't seem to care and that's particularly true sometimes more more so in professional sports.

Starting point is 02:34:45 However, I can tell you that in college sports, there is definitely a, a hatred for certain teams, like obviously I'm from Georgia. So we really don't want to lose to Florida because they, they literally cost the school millions of dollars by beating them. They literally shamed the fans for years, during the Tim Tebow years, by beating us. We hate them. We really do hate them. There's a reason that that game is held in a neutral side in Jacksonville and not in either of the team's home.

Starting point is 02:35:17 I didn't know that. What is the reason? You'd think there'd be money involved in having a home game. Because I feel like it was part of a negotiation between the two that like well we're not doing it in athens and like well we're not doing it wherever the gators are from fucking shit shit tier florida hunky dory town with swamps and fucking methamphetamine so in any case i think that that one in particular is real. Probably true. Yeah, it's absolutely true. And I think that another one for us as a Georgia guy has been South Carolina for a long time.

Starting point is 02:35:52 South Carolina seems to feel it more than Georgia fans do. They give us their A game every year. And I know that like, I think in the pros, they'd be like, dude, I come out and play hard every game. But in college, it just seems like over there in South Carolina, they're like, all right, here we go again, boys. We've been shamed for the last decade. Are you going to be the ones to turn it around? And they just seem to get fired up for that game.

Starting point is 02:36:17 They beat us. They beat us this last year, and it was a shocker. And then Georgia Tech is a final one. Obviously, we're in Athens, Georgia. They're in Atlanta, Georgia. They're in Atlanta, Georgia. It's about an hour's drive distance. And Atlanta is obviously more of a metropolis. And the fans are more white collar, whereas the Georgia fans are more blue collar. And so there's a lot of things that feed into that rivalry. And we love shitting on them year after year after year.

Starting point is 02:36:43 There may be rivalries that are fake but i can't think of any uh you know as a player in the little sports that no one paid attention to that i was redskins i don't know about that but let me circle around um we got super hyped for certain teams you know even in beer league hockey it was like oh you know they're like the only here for the beer is coming. The Buffalo Wings are only here for the beer for fierce rivals. And like we were, it mattered. Like we were hyped for that game. And swimming, we had similar things in both high school and college.

Starting point is 02:37:19 And then I used to follow the Eagles a lot. Football was a sport I watched the most when I was in high school. And the Eagles have a big rivalry with the Dallas Cowboys. Huge, super big. And the players played differently. Players who didn't have visors covering their eyes all year would wear them for that game. Guys are fucking poking me in the eyes. They're eye gouging because it's the Cowboys.

Starting point is 02:37:40 And that's how they're getting dirty. And it's exciting. I like it a lot. I like it a lot. I like the rivalry games. I do wonder sometimes in the NBA, like something happened in the NBA where it's like a brotherhood. They're all friends.

Starting point is 02:37:55 They're multimillionaires. They don't hate each other like they did 10, 15 years ago. And anyone who follows it would tell you the same thing. And even like, I don't know, like Curry versus LeBron or something, the battle of the last few years. I don't think these guys hate each other. Like, you know, I don't know, Bird versus Lambeer did. I wish I could remember the players' names,

Starting point is 02:38:19 but I was watching one of those sports statistics videos the other day, and they were explaining how these two players hated each other so much they were comparing their the amount of fouls they got on average across like 500 games and the amount of fouls they would get when they played each other and it was like 270 percent more like they had literally like gotten fist fights with each other and there was all this talk in the media call he's oh he's soft it wasn't larry bird versus billy and beer was no this is a much more recent thing like in the last five years i can't think i don't know nba at all i'll tell you where rivalry is real a hundred percent real and it's mma like it's sometimes those guys they're not always real oh no they're not always real but sometimes they're real like you can tell when they're

Starting point is 02:39:01 contrived generally it's like you guys don't really even know each other i've seen it press conferences next to each other weren't you both in the same team like eight years ago but then so like like recently cowboy connor clearly there's no rivalry there but connor khabib like that's not it might be contrived on connor's part but it ain't on khabib's part and it's not on his part anymore either like there's real hatred there and i like that i like it when it when it when it feels real because it is real khabib's interesting so i was thinking about him recently khabib on one hand is one of the most like honorable gracious good training partners you know you allow him to babysit your kids right he's he's that guy doesn't drink doesn't smoke you know lives with his dad

Starting point is 02:39:45 multi-millionaire but apparently in Dagestani culture the youngest lives with your dad and in spite of the fact that he's had all the success and fame and fortune he worries about what his dad thinks of him a whole lot so that's that's one part on the other hand I feel like Khabib has been in more outside the cage fights than anyone else I can think of. He's been in like three in the last couple years. He got into a fight with Nate Diaz boys. He got into a fight with the Conor boys. And I'm struggling for another one.

Starting point is 02:40:14 But it's like, yeah, you know, super great guy. Seems to fight a lot. You know what? The only thing his problem is? No sense of humor. I like it. That's his strength. Conor's like, where you at, man?

Starting point is 02:40:29 Where you at? Khabib is like, I'm here in LA. Where are you? Send location. Let's fight. Doesn't matter where. Let's go. Send location.

Starting point is 02:40:37 And you know what he means by that? He needs some more banter. He needs a little one-liner here or there. Keep it going. He needs to learn yes and. Because Connor's up there improv-ing. And he's just trying to riff with a brick wall. At least from the couple of clips you guys have shown me.

Starting point is 02:40:52 I'm not a big MMA guy. Fair point. I think different people receive it differently. For me, I hear it in the accent and his seriousness. And it works for me. As far as the rivalry thing, I don't think most of them are contrived. The only sport I watch religiously is the NHL ice hockey.

Starting point is 02:41:10 And I know that Chicago and St. Louis, the actual players, really seem to dislike each other. Literally at the end of this post, the guy says he's a Blackhawks fan and for you to go fuck yourself. Yeah, well, you can go fuck yourself too, buddy. Because guess what? Guess what? We went through all the years where you guys go fuck yourself. Yeah, well, you can go fuck yourself too, buddy. Because guess what?

Starting point is 02:41:25 Guess what? We went through all the years where you guys were really good, the first half of this past decade. And you know how I know that you guys suck now? Is that I genuinely wish you were a little better so that our games were more fun to watch again. Because we're just destroying you guys every time.

Starting point is 02:41:40 The same way in like 2010, you guys just molested us. So eventually it'll it'll kind of be more even and then there are rivalries where it's like well even though chicago is like last place in the division sucks this year and blues are first place then in the west and doing very well like playing the whole way yeah i think blues are first in the west right now yeah well we're first in the west i think third in the league behind uh washington and boston and boston has a game in hand and and I believe Washington does too.

Starting point is 02:42:05 Regardless, who cares? But you can even see when Chicago comes to town, they bring their A game. Patrick Kane is playing as hard as he can. Jonathan Tabes, Duncan Keith, Crawford, they're all really, really bringing it their all. Whereas I'll watch them, because I watch lots of teams, not just when the Blues are playing,

Starting point is 02:42:24 but if another Central Division rival like the Hawks are playing, Ottawa or something, i'll watch them because i watch lots of teams not just when the blues are playing but if like another central division rival like the hawks are playing ottawa or something i'll watch and i'll be like goddamn this was the team that almost beat us the other night like they look horrific and so i definitely think it's a thing and you get like like little player rivalries where our our captain got knocked the fuck out in like 2015 from a dirty hit from one of their defensemen. Was it Teresanko? No, this was back in David Backus' day. Yeah, he got knocked out from a dirty hit from Brent Seabrook, and Seabrook has Backus get helped off the ice. He's like, wakey, wakey, Backus, wakey, wakey, like doing that kind of shit.

Starting point is 02:42:59 And then everybody on our team then fucking hates him for that. And then someone on our team, Ryan Reeves, ends up beating the absolute shit out of someone on their team. And then they hate him even more. And I like it. I love sports rivalries. I like to think now that guy is like 33 years old. Like, guys, that was 2015. I've matured a lot since then.

Starting point is 02:43:18 I got married. I have two kids. Who? The one who let it go. The one who said wakey wakey. Yeah. Like, oh, no. See, that's where it's great

Starting point is 02:43:26 okay that chicago signed all of their guys basically thank you for winning us a few stanley cup contracts even though they were gonna suck later and so now that guy who said wakey wakey is making like a huge cap hit off of them and he is terrible he's like 35 which in the nhl is ancient like especially for a defenseman who plays physically. But yeah, I love sports rivalries. I guess Mizzou really disliked Kansas for a while, but then they moved to the SEC, and that went away for the most part.

Starting point is 02:43:56 But yeah, it doesn't feel contrived in the NHL. The worst part of sports rivalry. So I got my master's degree at NC State. NC State is actually a pretty good basketball school, but we live next to Duke and UNC, who are very good basketball schools. And it's like, yeah, yeah, you know, State, UNC, like it's kind of a big robbery.

Starting point is 02:44:19 And UNC is like, who? UNC is the worst they've been in ages state was favored to win they didn't sometimes it just goes that way I do hate it when the league tries to contrive something like the NHL at least I think they still do they'll call it Wednesday night rivalry and maybe one out of 10 of them are a rivalry where it's like oh boston versus montreal hell yeah that's gonna be a real good one oh st louis for chicago oh you know san jose versus la or something but then like i remember at one point a few years ago i was like oh there's a blues game on oh wednesday night rivalry let's see who we're playing we're playing philly right we play them

Starting point is 02:45:01 twice a year yeah i have no nobody cares what's going on in Philly. Mighty Ducks versus Hurricanes? That's not a rivalry. Wednesday night rivalry, the Arizona Coyotes versus the Carolina Hurricanes in the nobody's watching bowl. That's true. How about you, Pastille? We didn't get to you at the sports thing what have you said that you

Starting point is 02:45:27 follow but that was i i used to follow really religiously early on when i was a kid the the only rivalries i can really think of are mostly between players like you'd have like this really amazing full forward and then there's a really awesome backman and they'd have like you know how many goals can you stop him from kicking and that. There wasn't a grand final, 89 grand final, which is, I was very young, but it was Geelong versus Hawthorne, and I remember earlier that season,

Starting point is 02:45:56 Dermot Brereton, he kneed the other guy in the dick, in the testicles, and he like laid him out flat, and he like, I think he got like pretty bad damage from it, and then in the grand final and the testicles, and he laid him out flat, and I think he had pretty bad damage from it. And then in the grand final, the same team went against each other, and on the center bounce, so at the start of the game, they bounced the ball, and it goes up. I think it was Andrew Buse. He came from the other side of the field, just full fucking sprint, and just fucking

Starting point is 02:46:22 took him out. And I think he broke a rib on Dermot Brereton. This is the very start of the grand final. And Dermot Brereton, he was down on the ground and he stood above him. And he said something, I can't remember. There's a full video on it. And they still, they like kind of talk now, but they don't talk very much. But those kind of rivalries, I think, are really awesome when you actually like,

Starting point is 02:46:41 in the moment, it's like, you know, oh, my God, he's going to get him back. And all those, you know, my god he's going to get him back and all those you know very player orientated ones the team ones aren't really in australian rules football they're always trying to be marketing these team rivalries and geelong against with hawthorne again um they lost geelong lost to hawthorne in the grand final in like 2008 i think it was and the president, which was the Victorian premier earlier on, Geoff Kennett said Geelong just doesn't have the ability to take on a team as good as Hawthorne. And they called it the Geoff Kennett curse

Starting point is 02:47:14 because they lost the next 13 times they met Hawthorne lost against Geelong. And that was like a pretty cool thing. So every time it was like a Geelong-Hawthorne game, it was like, oh my God, are they going they gonna break the curse so those things are cool but i think most of the time rivalries are always good for sport for sure as long as they're not obviously comprised by the media which how big is australian football compared to rugby there like in terms of net popularity pretty similar it? It's bigger. So Queensland and New South Wales are both rugby states,

Starting point is 02:47:53 and the rest of Australia is pretty much Australian rules football. Okay. There are other, you know, there's a Victorian team for rugby in that, but... Then soccer is still the biggest sport, right? No, Australian rules football is in Australia. Really? Soccer's growing, definitely growing, and a lot more money going in. But the thing is, a lot of Australian players,

Starting point is 02:48:12 they'll just fuck off to Europe for the actual, you know, the off-season in Australia and make shitloads of money and then come back to Australia for the actual main season. Yeah, soccer players make insane money. Yeah. Which makes sense sense pretty much everyone on earth watches them other than the u.s. get on board wants to be the number one paid athlete this year wonder if he has a shot all floyd mayweather has to do is agree to one fight and

Starting point is 02:48:37 he'll win if connor fights twice more i think he's got a pretty good shot. Right. Because of his pay-per-view percentage that he gets. I think that if he fights Gaethje at 170, and then he turns around and finishes the Nate Diaz trilogy at the end of the year, I think he'd be very close. They're saying this is trended toward two million buys, the Cowboy Conor, which is nuts. When it's over in like 40 seconds, do you guys ripped off because i don't pay for that shit i got to watch the whole thing in one clip on twitter so how sure are you about that number 100 okay because multiple sources

Starting point is 02:49:17 in the espn plus era um where it's much harder to buy them pay-per-views have been way down so i was surprised this is the biggest one in a long time um uh biggest one ever under the espn plus stuff where it's much harder to buy them, pay-per-views have been way down. So I was surprised to hear that. This is the biggest one in a long time. Biggest one ever under the ESPN Plus stuff. And they're saying that it's, I think, real close to Conor Diaz too. It's super fast for people that don't know. Nowadays to buy an MMA pay-per-view, you have to pay $6 a month for ESPN Plus or the ability to pay $60 for a pay-per-view you have to pay six dollars a month for espn plus or the ability to pay sixty dollars

Starting point is 02:49:46 for a pay-per-view and a lot of people see that monthly fee and say fuck off so yeah i didn't expect it to be high again yeah it's it's kind of what i predicted before when we had this discussion about two or three weeks ago it was that the casual fans are conor mcgregor fans they know that name just like you know if ronda rouse were to come back, you'd get a lot of fucking Karens who would be like, honey, we've got to watch Ronda fight. She's fighting. She's one of us. I bet

Starting point is 02:50:14 she gets mad at Chipotle when they don't give her her guac too. They would sign right on. It'd do well. I think if he fights twice more, he's going to be real close to that. If he fights Floyd, it'd do well. But, uh, but yeah, I think if he fights twice more, he's going to be real close to that. And if he fights Floyd, if Floyd is his third fight, then also close to that.

Starting point is 02:50:29 Although Manny Pacquiao has also been approaching the Connor team to fight Pacquiao, which I think would also be a big draw. Oh, actually I'm reading this. I think you have it wrong. The big story is, um, using these metrics metrics it should have done something like two million dollars under the pre-espn plus model not that it did but like it it should have using the old metrics oh here i can link it yeah but do you guys feel ripped off when you get a 40 second fault and you pay all that money it depends on the other fights so in boxing the met the model is usually you only care about the last fight in mma a lot of times all the fights are pretty interesting so uh if the last one less sometimes the last one's not

Starting point is 02:51:16 even the most interesting but overall i'd rather it not be 40 seconds but if it is it doesn't mean it was a bad night yeah well I mean that's why they throw together so many fights yeah Connor's thing is to counter myself Connor has now made it so everyone else on the card doesn't get paid shit so all the other fights suck that's been his thing lately when he was on the Khabib card were there any any other good fights? But certainly in this last one, you could hardly name all the other fighters. Yeah, I want to say maybe Rose fought on that card, didn't she? Two counterfights ago?

Starting point is 02:51:52 Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. I'm seeing a lot. I heard Chael and Dana say that it hit two million. This says it did too. I don't know. Maybe it's like a gun stat scenario. Right. But in any case,

Starting point is 02:52:07 I think that he's going to do well for the year. He won't be hurting for money, I don't think. Even this article you link says it sold the equivalent of 2 million pay-per-view buys. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:52:23 Anyway. Anyway. Yeah. yeah anyway yeah that but they might have changed the fighter compensation too like maybe he used to get like i'll make it a dollar a buy and now they get three dollars a buy he said um i want to say he gets six okay yeah like like like that's so that's that's crazy Yeah, he probably got close to $20 million for 40 seconds worth of work. That's hard. That's nice money. Dollar per hour. Yeah, it's pretty crazy money.

Starting point is 02:52:55 But I didn't feel ripped off. I was, I found, you know, it was a very exciting 40 seconds. Like, that's exactly what I wanted to happen. That's exactly what I wanted to happen. I love my sex tape. I was falling asleep. Very exciting 40 seconds like that's exactly what i wanted to happen that's exactly what i wanted to happen so i love my sex tape i was falling 40 seconds that's right the fight the fight before connor literally put me to sleep to the point where i was like all right i'm gonna go to sleep wake me up when connor is uh is doing his walk out and i just slept through the end of the holly holmes fight and like got like a 20 30 minute nap so i wake up and i was like all right all right he's running around.

Starting point is 02:53:25 Okay, he's out. It's go time. Go time. And by the end of it, I'm so hyped up and I've been cheering and screaming and clapping so much that I'm like, well, I'm up for two more hours now. Let me do the last ad of the night real quick here to tell everybody about Postmates.

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Starting point is 02:54:41 take his endorsement to the bank. Love Postmates. But you don't have to go to the bank because you can take his endorsement to the bank. Love Postmates. But you don't have to go to the bank, because you can order it from your house and get food. That's right. So there you go. What did you link here, Taylor? What is this?

Starting point is 02:54:52 It's a Twitter clip that made me laugh, and so we should queue up on this. So the way we do this, you just open it, pause it, and then Woody will count down when he puts it up on the screen so we all know when to play at the same time. It's only 18 seconds should be quick all right and this is i this is on my twitter timeline i retweeted this for anyone who wants to watch it i shouldn't be laughing so hard i'm sorry are you guys ready yeah let me just make sure it's not i'm good ready set play

Starting point is 02:55:22 music I'm good. Ready, set, play. Music. Yes. Are they smoking or are they gay? What is that from i don't know it looks old but is it that's a very particular time time that i like to refer to as the late 90s when it's no longer cool to smoke but it's not yet cool to be gay it's gay to smoke that's so funny and some advertising executive just like, damn it, Jameson, you've done it again. How about this?

Starting point is 02:56:12 It's gay to smoke. Don Draper, you son of a bitch. Saving our country from gays and smoking. Paul Maul, the white man smoke. Yeah. It comes from a really ignorant time time but also a really enlightened time it's it's that fun in between mixture i like that i like that going in there because you're gay are you going in the smoke like i can't figure out what he sounds like but i'll work on it yeah that's so funny it's gay to to smoke. I love that. I have an am I the asshole as one of the AMA questions.

Starting point is 02:56:46 I want to do, it's three paragraphs, so get comfy. You guys ready for this? Yes. Am I the asshole? I have been dating a girl for almost two years and she had moved in with me about a year into the relationship. She got a new job around May of last year and in June there was a new guy at her work, Dave. They became friends, but there was a new guy at her work, Dave.

Starting point is 02:57:05 They became friends but there was a lot of shady shit about Dave and I didn't trust him. For example, his last girlfriend had already been married and he had slept with a bunch of other co-workers within the first few weeks of working there. She was always gossiping about who Dave had been fucking. Around the end of July, she started hanging out with him and another co-worker smoking weed until late at night almost every day, usually around 11.30, but sometimes later. At some point, I confronted her about it, asking why she's staying up so late with this guy every day, but she assures me nothing bad is happening, and she thinks Dave is actually gay. A few weeks later, she breaks up with me and says she's going to live with Dave after he comes back from a vacation three days later. In those few days that she was still living at my place, she tells me, in fact, that he's not gay.

Starting point is 02:57:53 And then he convinced her. He's just a smoker. I like that. And he convinced her to break up with me so they could live together. She was always adamant that she never cheated on me, but looking in hindsight, it's likely. The next day, the last day before she moved out, we had sex, with me fully knowing that she was now dating Dave. I know you guys joked about hate fucks before, and now I know what you mean. As a final addendum, I just want to add that after they had been going out for only one month, they got engaged and they they got married in march i'm never planning on telling anyone this because making her cheat on

Starting point is 02:58:29 someone makes me feel dirty in all the wrong ways there's a lot of assholes in this situation but am i one of them nope no ruin their marriage yeah you should send that would make you a bit of an ass oh fuck her one more time is the PKA official stance, Taylor. Yes. Tell him. Yeah, she was cheating on you for a while there. A while. A while. A while.

Starting point is 02:58:54 That would have been the opportunity to do whatever dirty shit he wanted to do to her for one last time. Yeah, right in her eye. Whatever he wanted to do, that would be the time to do that would be the pink guy that doesn't doesn't give you pink eye you don't know what i'm putting in her eye um cup and farts in your hand uh yeah even i want to go with not an asshole here, right? What do you mean, even I? Well, because I'm usually the guy who's most against any kind of cheating, you know, like, you know, stay pure and this sort of thing.

Starting point is 02:59:34 But you guys know what a transformational movie Karate Kid was, where he was getting, they got one over on him all this time, and then they do the thing, and he's able to get balance by getting back at these bullies. By getting his, right? You can't just fuck his girl all that time and then have him back off and just be. No, you have to even the score and then back off. You don't forgive and forget. Get even and then forgive and forget.

Starting point is 03:00:02 That's how this is supposed to work. Otherwise, you're just a fucking cuck. If he didn't have sex with her then he wouldn't have got closure thank you right he wouldn't have achieved that internal balance that clearly he has now he doesn't but yeah i'm gonna give this guy the not an asshole because otherwise they just walked all over him no yep you take a step back and now now you can go forward in life knowing that you even the score obviously we don't know all the facts but like like we don't need all the facts at the end of it but overall we rarely do if that was enough to get him to like you know go well you know add some good sex at the end and now i get to go do what i want to do yeah that's

Starting point is 03:00:45 enough to help him move on he lived with this girl they had been together for roughly two years and she really stepped out on him i play games with a guy i play tarkov with a guy and his story it was that his girlfriend had been cheating on him with this other guy and finally she left him to be with that other guy and he got pregnant after like a month and and he says well you're gonna get an abortion right and she's like nope he changed his phone number and moved states and then she tried to get back with him and he's like fuck you i got i got confused who's the dad Your friend's the dad? No. No. The girl breaks up with my friend.

Starting point is 03:01:27 Oh. Goes with this other guy. New guy. Gets her knocked up. Asks for an abortion. She says, no way. He changes his phone number. Moves to a new state.

Starting point is 03:01:37 The new guy, James, did that. Not your friend. Yeah. Yeah. The quick-thinking hitchhiker. I'm sorry. I didn't follow well. Yeah. And then the girl comes back to my friend and says, hey i'm still available i'm i'm back on the market and he's like

Starting point is 03:01:49 yeah but you've been in a collision and i'm not interested in uh in any used goods so uh good luck by the way this is hilarious your friend not the asshole not the asshole devin the beast on twitch nice well good for him devin not the dad yeah yeah congratulations to devin and for this guy uh that we were talking about that woody read i'm gonna say not the asshole uh i think that your girlfriend and that other guy were being real you know real meanies to you to build it were being real meanies to you, to put it bluntly, real meanies. And you did the right thing by spreading her open one more time and getting that cathartic feeling out. The moral thing.

Starting point is 03:02:33 Trust me, if your girl is smoking weed with a guy, she's also fucking that guy. Weed isn't the only thing getting smoked. She's smoking pole. I'm trying to think. The weed isn't the only thing getting smoked. Yeah. She's smoking pole. I'm trying to think. The weed isn't the only thing getting piped? I'm working. I think smoke.

Starting point is 03:02:52 Getting smoked, yeah. She's toking on more than doobies. Oh, the pole, the oral sex, that's it. She's blowing that other guy. I didn't get that for a second. That's how she earns the weed. Yeah, of course. What was the guy doing?

Starting point is 03:03:04 She would go to hang out with this other dude until later in the party. What was the guy that got cheated on? What was he doing all this time? Playing Taco. Probably enjoying some alone time. Playing Taco. He was a streamer. Yeah.

Starting point is 03:03:20 No, but, like, how many nights in a row does your girlfriend have to be like, alright, I'm gonna go smoke with, uhid and then you're just like okay i'll be watching parks and rec like no i have to believe he was in denial right i have to believe that he was like slowly coming to accept and it was like four weeks right you know like he was just sort of he didn't want to believe it he wanted to probably think the best of her maybe yeah that that is a shitty situation dude but you're on the right side of the tracks on this one you're okay you're all good now you get to go sow your wild oats a little bit more and just and find a better woman so enjoy your time be careful on tinder a lot of diseases to catch but most of them go away

Starting point is 03:03:58 real quick and for just a couple pills for like five days. Shot here, shot there, you're good to go again. Is chlamydia even an STD really? Fairly. Just like one poke up. Like just a little bit. Anything that $400 could cure doesn't scare me. So you're going to go on a trip to Southeast Asia and get doxycyllin, which is to stop malaria, and that cures most of them. Yeah. You just go to your local pet store,

Starting point is 03:04:28 get a little bit of fish tank cleaner, and you're good to go. They use formaldehyde. Antibiotics. Yeah, because fish antibiotics are pretty similar to people antibiotics, and one of my dad's friends is like a prepper guy. Not like a crazy prepper

Starting point is 03:04:43 guy, but he doesn't enough so that he stockpiles fish antibiotics so let's let's not defend him too heartily okay so like he's got a bunch of those like canned foods and then like those uh freeze-dried boxes with like 30 or 60 servings or whatever and then a ton of fish antibiotics and like the place they advertise fish antibiotics is in like so peppers weekly or like guns and ammo where it's like in addition to your p90 you you want to make sure your fish don't get sick it'll just show like a fish and it's like amoxicillin penicillin fucking whatever the hell so yeah i mean i'll take fish antibiotics if it's the same shit uh kyle's right

Starting point is 03:05:26 there is uh let me look it up it said the name of it in the little preview but there's fish there's antibiotics and fish i want to say it's it's called moxie fish the pet medicine and the reviews on amazon are fucking awesome my fish started work at a new job as an insurance hadn't kicked in yet well of course my fish got a bad case of bronchitis or something like that nevertheless Fucking awesome. My fish started work at a new job as an insurance hadn't kicked in yet. Well, of course, my fish got a bad case of bronchitis or something like that. Nevertheless, we decided to give him some meds and boom, within two days, he was all new again and just kept swimming. My fish had their wisdom teeth coming in and it caused an infection. It's cleared the infection perfectly.

Starting point is 03:06:00 There's one last one. My fish had been sick for two weeks straight and was having trouble sleeping at night. I finally figured out that the fish had a bad swollen sinus infection and swollen glands. Yeah. Yeah. These clearly are people taking these fish medicine. And I thought I saw it was amoxicillin, but yeah. And I used to be a fish person and I know that some of them have formaldehyde.

Starting point is 03:06:22 So choose your fish medicine carefully. Yeah. Yeah. Make sure you get one that rhymes with amoxicillin. Yeah. I think you'll be okay. Yeah. I, I, I had that option, you know, when last time I got, uh, the syphilis and, uh, and, and I was just like, I think I'll just go to the doctor and, uh, get the proper injection and, uh, make sure this is all cleared up and good to go before i start getting that brain rot like alcopone yeah yeah you don't want to get neural neural syphilis you'll go crazy and the podcast will have a very brief golden age followed by a very rapid decline yeah yeah that's so funny you're just losing your mind like oh kyle you you you're such a card

Starting point is 03:07:08 i slowly become more and more deranged absolutely losing your fucking mind i saw this and thought of taylor i know that you probably touched this too. Yeah, this is sad. Yeah, I'll just put it on the screen. This is the goalie from Mighty Ducks. I guess most of us have seen before, especially the leftmost picture from 94. And in 2015, he's looking pretty good. Yeah, he's standing in front of something with the Mighty Ducks logo.

Starting point is 03:07:39 So he's not on the street. They sign autographs or something. Maybe some sort of Comic-Con. Yeah, 2018. He looks absolutely terrible. not on the street. They sign autographs or something. Maybe some sort of Comic-Con. Yeah. My gosh. 2018, he looks absolutely terrible. Dude, pause on that. And then 2019...

Starting point is 03:07:51 Oh, yeah, go ahead. You have to pay attention to the numbers closely because 2015 and 2018 are not that far apart. But my God, he aged 30 years in those three. The man's 41 in that last 41 years old and he's been arrested for meth i mean you can tell obviously that's meth face to the nth degree but jesus christ he's so sallow and gaunt just like sunken in look at the cheeks 70 even 2018 to 2019 is pretty significant like the He has different facial structure.

Starting point is 03:08:28 I think I could use meth to beat facial recognition. Well, he certainly did. Yeah, that's that sucks. And you know what? This is at first, and Goldberg loses his starting goalie job to Kat, and she kicks him right out, and now he's useless.

Starting point is 03:08:44 Then, he becomes a meth addict for 30 years not good well probably not 30 years looks like it started about four or five years ago so yeah that that's fucking rough that that doesn't even look like a person anymore it's closer to a golem than a it doesn't look like the same and i can't can't get over the years, right? Like, I don't know. Maybe no one else is stuck on this. From 2015 to 18 is so close. How that changed him that much in three years. Wow.

Starting point is 03:09:14 That's what they say. Math not even once. Woody, remember when we were in LA together and we were walking pretty near the Chinese theater and there was that guy sitting on the sidewalk outside the strip club vomiting onto himself? Mm-hmm. I got a video here. Mm-hmm. I got a video here.

Starting point is 03:09:28 Oh, boy. I couldn't make it through the video the first time. I probably won't now. I don't think we can. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is bad. This is bad.

Starting point is 03:09:47 I just hit the gif underneath it with the gif. See, and this is the middle of the video. He already had vomit all over him. This is when the guy got his camera going. Dude, pretty classy move to do the I'm about to cough as you vomit all over yourself. Are we going to watch it or not? No. You can't show it on YouTube.

Starting point is 03:10:05 I'm watching it. You can't show it on YouTube. I'm watching it. You can't show vomit on YouTube? No. That's literally one of the things you can't show. I didn't notice the guy in the green shirt behind him goes, ugh, like he's so grossed out. That one's brutal. Man, that's a rough one.

Starting point is 03:10:23 Huh. How much did he eat and drink actually look at his gut probably a lot I had no idea you couldn't show vomit on YouTube I feel like a lot of those like I feel like I've seen people vomit I know I have I imagine maybe it just gets age gated

Starting point is 03:10:42 and monetizing I had no idea yeah okay good catch then well in any case there is a man at a baseball game or something and he is just vomiting gallons of liquid vomit directly onto his chest and it is pouring down his sides and i mean gallons seemingly it looks like he drank like a dozen of those eight dollar beers or something like that that guy looks like he's dying. He looks like he's dying. Everybody's like, ha ha ha, ha ha ha.

Starting point is 03:11:10 How do you like that fucking retard? And he's like, get a mascot or someone to drag me up the stairs. A lot of the crowd is pissed off. They're like, I want to fucking hit him. But he's disgusting. You boo the guy for yakking all of them. It's so disgusting to be doing that with all those people so close to you.

Starting point is 03:11:26 Imagine sitting right next to that guy on a flight. I'd be livid. Oh, the flight would be even worse. He's passing the vomit bags to you, and you know it's... We're running low on packages. I'm just having to heave them into first class. Oh, that's disgusting. This is like a relationship advice,

Starting point is 03:11:48 but it's from a fan. So here it is. My girlfriend of one year crashed her car and needs money from me to get a cheap new one so she can get to work. She wasn't accepted for a loan from the bank because she failed to pay her credit card

Starting point is 03:12:04 on time a few times. She lives with her parents, and they're kicking her out of the house if she doesn't get a car so she can get to work. She already owes me money and is horrible at managing money. She owes me $1,000. I'm sorry. When she owed me $1,000, she spent $100 on a perfume bottle one day, and it kind of set me off in my head. If I were to give her more money I have no time frame for when I get it back.

Starting point is 03:12:30 I feel like she'd still not be able to pay me back for a long time because of her terrible money management. I've already said yes to sending her more money but I'm uncomfortable about it. Do you have any input here? I feel like I have no choice because she'll get kicked out of her house and not be able to work if she doesn't get this money.

Starting point is 03:12:47 You already said you were going to do it. In my head, he needs to wrap his head around the idea that this is a gift and decide whether or not this is the relationship that works for him. It is not insane for one person in the relationship to kind of be the breadwinner.

Starting point is 03:13:03 And he's reading it as if they're both like co-breadwinners and that she's going to pay him back and that this is just a loan no it's not a loan decide whether or not you know she brings enough to the relationship in non-monetary terms to make this a good deal absolutely yeah i i i've, I, I've oftentimes like helped girlfriends pay for things, whether that be rent when they were having a hard time or, um, you know, often it's rent.

Starting point is 03:13:32 I've paid a couple of girls rent cause you know, they all of a sudden they lost their jobs out of nowhere and they didn't really have any sort of safety net and, uh, and then you'd help. And, uh, I never assumed,

Starting point is 03:13:41 I never thought I was getting that money back, you know, like, like you were just getting pussy. Well, it was somebody I cared about and I didn't want to see them in a hard spot. I'd have given them... If you needed some rent money, Taylor,

Starting point is 03:13:54 I'd really enjoy watching you fall into squalor because you had all those damn kids you couldn't fit in. Every day, I'd send you a little I told you so kind of card. It was musical cards you open up but it'd just laugh at you it'd just laugh you'd write me like $10 checks

Starting point is 03:14:11 just to make me cash that pop up book except it'd be a finger ha ha you can't trust Taylor to spend it responsibly that's why I'm sending him McDonald's gift cards yes take the family but just for happy meals yeah yeah yeah this uh

Starting point is 03:14:28 do not uh i would not pay for this girl's car you said they've been dating for a year right yes they've been dating for a year she already owes you money she lost her job her parents are clearly tired of her shit you're not seeing all the shit she's pulled at home to get her parents that pissed. I mean, if you're doing really well for yourself and you want to just see how it goes, go for it. But this won't be the last thing she asks you to pay for that's significant. And it'll be sooner than later. It concerns me. So in the entire package of who I would look for as a future wife, which she's been dating for a year, he might be having that on his mind.

Starting point is 03:15:04 Her money management skills are a year. He might be having that on his mind. Her money management skills are a minus. Yeah, an F. You need some competence as an adult to know. And he says that she's shit with money, not that she doesn't have any money, which means that she's like, oh, I'm getting paid on Friday and I've got $85 in my checking account and nothing in savings.

Starting point is 03:15:22 I'm going to get drunk with my friends and then have brunch the next day. Oh,'ve only got four oh no i overdrafted and now i need 35 to pay the like yeah don't don't give this chick money same with that because the way i see it is you're actually already questioning all this stuff then you're probably not that keen on being in a relationship with or if you are then it's like then you have to think about your priorities if money is such a big value to you as in the relationship and it's not to her then maybe it's not compatible relationship as well so you also got to think of it in that perspective i do agree that if you're like very said you're going to give the money, you should give the money. And at the same time, if you're questioning the relationship

Starting point is 03:16:08 or if you should be – it's almost like a gift anyway. It's a selfless gift. You should be like, I love or care for this person. I should be helping him anyway. It doesn't matter how much it costs. If you actually really do care for someone, you do what you have to do. But you've also got to help teach life lessons too. You've got to make that money and earn the money.

Starting point is 03:16:25 Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing about it is she's – all it's going to teach her is like, yes, someone else that I can go to when I fuck up. Well, if they separate, she'll just find someone else. Well. We lost you, Pastelio. Can you say that again?

Starting point is 03:16:42 So if they separate and the relationship was to end and she constantly gets gifted money, she's probably an attractive bird that gets, you know, can find another guy that's willing to give her money anyway and she'll probably spend most of her life that way if she's not taught or she doesn't learn the skills early enough to manage the money because otherwise she'll always be looking for how do I fix this situation with someone else's money.

Starting point is 03:17:05 Did you call her an attractive bird? I think I kind of like that. Oh, sorry. No, I've never heard it before. Shine slang. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so she, of course, attractive birds are usually dudes, but let's roll with it. You know, she's using this to get the treasure.

Starting point is 03:17:20 I'm not a bird watcher, so I can't comment on that. No, in all seriousness, if you don't understand like, if the chick can't handle her money, and she doesn't learn how to sort it out, then she's just going to be in that same situation for the rest of her life. Yeah, and you'll be on the hook to bail her out.

Starting point is 03:17:38 One thing you can do, you pay the bill. This is kind of the opposite of that charity thing, where you give the money. You want the money to come from you to the people who need the bill. This is kind of the opposite of that charity thing where you give the money. You want the money to come from you to the people who need the money. And that's twofold. One thing, she might be lying to you.

Starting point is 03:17:53 She may have already paid her rent, but now she wants a new dress. So you're going to sort that little lie right out. The old abortion trick. I'm pregnant. I need an abortion. How many times? $400.

Starting point is 03:18:02 How many tens of thousands of dollars have Kyle and I lost on that scam? Jesus Christ. I don't even know. There could be a Subway gift card punch out for that one. I'd have gotten eight or ten free by now. I just know the response from Kyle every time when I texted him for advice years ago was just

Starting point is 03:18:18 pay it just in case. I always did. That's why I've got that sneaky compartment under my toilet where I collect their urine and I do my own test now. See, what I do now is I bought a blow gun off the

Starting point is 03:18:34 Amazon. I put a Plan B in there and I wait until they have an open top drink and I just cross the room right in there. Quick dissolve. They're about Skittle size. They're excellent. You should have just made the investment early and got the vasectomy when you were young. I told them. Now it's much cheaper and more

Starting point is 03:18:49 fun to use a blowgun to fire it into an unsuspecting woman's drink. Sometimes just at random. That's how I get laid. It must work. Anyway. You pay the bill. You're like, pull it up on your laptop and i'll do everything now actually take that back do it on your laptop the last thing you want is for your

Starting point is 03:19:12 information to be saved on her computer so that she can like go right back and be like clickety click clickety clack and now she's buying shoes yeah because you know forbid, she turns out to be someone who's off smoking with Paul or whatever that fake gay guy's name was. Dave. Dave. Yeah. I bet his name's not really even Dave. That's such a made up name. His name's Gabrielle.

Starting point is 03:19:38 It'd be smart to make up a name. Yeah. I don't know any Daves. And where, pray tell, is this Dave? Most common name ever. Yeah, bullshit. So yeah, you pay her bill from your device. That's how you do that thing.

Starting point is 03:19:53 Or you're like, all right, forward our mail to check. Then you catch, like, ah, I don't really know. Oh, you don't. You don't know where your rent gets paid. Yeah, just send the check to me, and then I'll get it. How are you going to get it to him if you don't know where your rent gets paid. Yeah. Just send the check to me, and then I'll get it. How are you going to get it to him if you don't know? Then you find out she's lying to you. And then is what you do to your wall later in frustration.

Starting point is 03:20:15 Yes. You go right up to that wall, and you tell it, this is the last time you'll ever lie to me, wall. And then you take that cup of acid you bought from your friend Patel and you just... All over the wall. You just figure that wall so it'll never be able to pull this shit again. That wall will never fucking cross you ever again.

Starting point is 03:20:38 That wall's done learned. And then every time you raise your hand near that wall it's gonna flinch yeah still he's a one time guest I think we're talking about how we get mad at walls here this is just you know this is all satire

Starting point is 03:20:58 I'm a wall hater yeah yeah I won't say that. Okay. I can't imagine what got censored. We just disfigured walls with acid. I'm on the edge of trying to explain how sometimes when a wall uses sex to get ahead,

Starting point is 03:21:17 it's a win-win situation. No, this is all just about walls, people. Just about walls. There's no codes here hey how about you how about you alex jones fellas take off the hats fucking retards anyway oh god i haven't gotten to any of my topics that's something i've been thinking of all you go oh man well i did have Wall talk Oh there's a twitter video

Starting point is 03:21:48 Of this Fucking prick being real Rude to a bouncer and he Gets his Is it that skinny guy who's like Dancing up on the bouncer In an offensive way I've got it right here here we go

Starting point is 03:22:02 I enjoyed this video a lot I like that the um if this is the one i'm thinking of i thought the bouncer used an appropriate amount of force i i've only watched it once and i'm i think i agree with you i'll just we'll see because i remember this guy being a real fucking annoying bitch that's the biggest bouncer i think i've ever seen. You guys ready to start it? Ready, set, play.

Starting point is 03:22:34 Grabbing his tit. I didn't like the whole tit push thing. And what is this little person thinking? He's dancing like the Joker on the stairs You can see him sizing up the enormous guy The big bouncer is being pretty reserved

Starting point is 03:22:53 His hands are in his pockets He's flown a full six or eight feet One shove was like a Oh! That was a... He's unconscious. From a slap. Dude, it's... I'm gonna go to the end.

Starting point is 03:23:15 Pow! Listen, crowd, to the head... Oh. I'm mistaken. I thought that I heard the the head hit the grate really hard but i didn't the second time so maybe i'm wrong yeah so it's so flush yeah he fell in his hands right like he kind of caught himself that's great i that's first of all like i said that's the biggest fucking bouncer i've ever seen a terrifying man it looks like big john mccarthy has taken up some

Starting point is 03:23:43 bouncer work in his spare time or something. Yeah. Find a smaller bouncer to mess with, dude. And I've never seen a smaller antagonist. Like this guy who's picking on the bouncer shouldn't be fucking with anybody. Like this guy is, what is he, 120 pounds?

Starting point is 03:23:59 That guy needs to be looking at the bagel dude for fights. Yeah. He turns to the side, he almost disappears. They're in the same weight class. Yeah, those are all fun videos. Watching a bouncer really beat the shit out of some guy who deserves it. Those are good videos.

Starting point is 03:24:16 I don't think the bouncer did anything wrong. No, not at all. He shoved him, and then he came back, and he was like... No, the bouncer handled it perfectly like he didn't that was go go hog wild and just pummel the guy he gave him a hard and firm slap put the guy on his ass and then he kind of just stood there with his hands in his pockets there were am i crazy no there was a shove and a slap i think yeah first then the slap when the guy came

Starting point is 03:24:39 back and those were both like an appropriate level of force given the size disparity right like that little guy might as well have been a woman, right? And like you just don't go 100% for a minor offense. Like that's all, that's all target. And I like that he, I like the way he handled it. It was good. He did give him the woman treatment. That's how he would have handled the woman being antagonistic, I think.

Starting point is 03:25:01 Or a mouthy wall. I like that line. There we go. Full circle. How did Bastilli not even appreciate that one? Sorry, I was watching the clip again. The only thing, though, I think that could have been done differently was the fact that

Starting point is 03:25:19 he was so much bigger than him. He literally could have just held him at, like, arm's length. You know how I can nose? I feel like the trips are underutilized. He could have held him and kicked a foot out. Ankle pick. Something like that. It's a real...

Starting point is 03:25:35 You find yourself on the ground and it's a wake-up situation. But the way the bouncer did it was good too. I would want to do a hand on the fist. Because that guy's drunk what if he does something weird like bite your finger or something it's really iffy like so you the more actual contact you have with a person like he could have had enough in his back pocket you don't even know yeah no so someone that size you don't know what they're actually going to like right there might be more giving him confidence than just alcohol yeah yeah i want i

Starting point is 03:26:05 want to like i don't want to go into a whole full mma thing but i just wanted to make my predictions for next week's uh uh pay-per-view i predict two upsets right i think this is the time when romero um actually does it i i just think he can take adesanya i don't think adesanya has what it takes to take romero out of this fight in five rounds. I just don't think he does. Romero's just a bull. So I'm predicting a huge upset there. A 42-year-old guy takes out the fucking beloved Adesanya, who I'm not a big fan of for whatever reason.

Starting point is 03:26:37 I just don't like the cut of his jib, whatever. And I'm predicting that Joanna takes her belt back from the Chinese fighter who who everyone thinks that the Chinese fighter is just a head and shoulders above Joanna but I've only seen Joanna get dominated twice and it was both to the same woman and Rose yeah you're right she did um yeah both good calls actually it's hard to pickets, and they're not crazy to me. I'll quickly say I think the champions keep their belt, but yeah, reasonable. It's harder to take a belt than it is to hold on to one.

Starting point is 03:27:16 Everyone loses it eventually, except GSP somehow. Yep, that's right. He just gains extras. You're right. He collects them. Yeah, I'm looking forward to those fights, but I love Yul Romero. Don't like Adesanya. I like Joanna, although she's not my favorite.

Starting point is 03:27:34 And then that Chinese girl won her belt while I was in prison, so I didn't even get to see her win her fight. So looking forward to it. Looking forward to it. I want to get off MMA talk. I just quickly say I think Joanna would be super popular if she was hotter i think she's quite hot especially with the fake boobs i think she'd be more popular if she were weren't such a poor loser to my eye she's the opposite of pretty she might be the ugliest female mma fighter i can think of off the top of my head. Wow.

Starting point is 03:28:05 I mean, I mean, I could think of like, I mean, maybe not by name, but like last week that that that older chick who beat up the young chick and had her had a blood and all her all her mad, the one who wears the shirt. She's my friend. Well, I mean, you know, I hear your words. Cyborg. I mean, I mean, OK, just yeah. Yeah. Jermaine Duran to me. I think Joanna's hotter than Holly Holm.

Starting point is 03:28:33 I find her to be very attractive, Joanna. Especially when she's got makeup on and she's got her hair done. I saw her apologizing for that Instagram post she made about Zhang or whatever her name is. Where she's got the gas mask on to protect her from coronavirus i i'll share and love you right to apologize but i was fine with it i shared it with you guys i think yeah stop being a bunch of pussies somebody got in joanna's ear like hey a lot of chinese folks watch our sport it's a big market i didn't even look at it through that lens like what happened happened with the NBA in the preseason? All right.

Starting point is 03:29:06 Speaking of NBA, we never talked about Kobe Bryant. I think, I think we should touch on that a little bit. Did you see, here's the angle I'm going to take. Obviously everybody's kind of really bummed out about it. It's, it's, I think it makes us all appreciate our mortality when someone who's such an, in such incredible shape, so healthy, and dies at 41. It's sort of that blink of an eye thing. Of course, the man did fly in a helicopter

Starting point is 03:29:31 like dozens and dozens of times a year. So private helicopters are one of the most dangerous ways to travel, period. His helicopter, pimp as fuck, by the way. I saw a picture of it the other day. It had like a Nike swoosh on it and everything. It's's a big don't think one of those little helicopters that four people squeeze into this looks nicer than that thing that the president flies in marine the crash site was like 500 feet like spread out big yes spread out like that's a it's a big crash that i would know what

Starting point is 03:30:00 happened jack because to my understanding it was really foggy and there wasn't a ground sensor or something. Yeah, even the police there had grounded their choppers, so they shouldn't have been in the air at all. Did you see what Ari Shafir tweeted? No, I didn't. I'm going to read. I'm going to quote. I just want to be known what Ari Shafir said.

Starting point is 03:30:23 If you quote it, it's okay. That I'm sure of. There are no slurs. There are no slurs. Let me make sure I've got the right one. Looks like his Twitter's now unprotected. Yeah, it's protected. I hate it like that, bitch.

Starting point is 03:30:43 Ari Shafir is a comedian even yeah i don't even know what he's on joe rogan's podcast a lot yeah having a hard time he was he was insensitive to just a little insensitive not not too overboard but just a little bit like no one gives fewer fucks than ari shafir it's i'm i'm coming around to him i used to wonder why everyone thought he was so funny now i'm like oh talk about playing on a throwaway account this guy just doesn't give a fuck at all and then he's saying it there's a tweet saying that he retweeted saying he was hacked no no he that's a joke no he has admitted this and this is a thing that he does every time a celebrity dies. He said, quote, Kobe Bryant died 23 years too late today.

Starting point is 03:31:33 He got away with rape because all the Hollywood liberals who attack comedy enjoy rooting for the Lakers more than they dislike rape. Big ups to the hero who forgot to gas up his chopper. I hate the Lakers. What a great day. Hashtag fuck the Lakers. What a great day. Hashtag fuck the Lakers. Why would you say that? Well, he might be against rape. I was trying to tease Kyle like he said it.

Starting point is 03:31:59 Oh, I didn't get it. I'm sorry. Sharp as a marble. Woody bailed you out on that one. Yeah, that's he really went hard after Kobe. He did. It was like the wreck still smoldering.

Starting point is 03:32:11 Yes, it absolutely was. They had not found Kobe's body yet at the time. The comedy show that he was about to go to is receiving death threats for even having him there. He's having a hard time with this one oh so um the chopper so it was foggy out like people said i do you guys listen to the flight

Starting point is 03:32:32 recording no no yeah it's on youtube so you can hear everything he said basically they they had the chopper he wanted to go he had a he had a he was flying vfr which is visual flight rules they had a way he intended to go uh because there were incoming flights at this airport he was flying VFR, which is visual flight rules. They had a way he intended to go. Because there were incoming flights at this airport he was nearby, they made him hover for like three minutes. And they're like, hey, just so you know, when you do have to go again, you're going to go around the north side, not the way you intended to go. So he didn't take the path that he normally takes, that he had planned to take. And he flew into what's called IMC, instrument meteorological conditions,

Starting point is 03:33:03 which means you can't see. And VFR into IMC is one of the top two ways that helicopters crash all the time. The other one is power lines. They trade. They go back and forth. So he flew this helicopter on a route he didn't plan on taking

Starting point is 03:33:17 because the airport was busy and he took an alternative path and hit the side of a mountain. That's as much as I know. Yeah. One of my friends is a helicopter pilot and we were just all sort of online chatting about it and he explained it.

Starting point is 03:33:33 What he should have done is stayed still, filed a flight path, an IFR flight path, and got in the tower just to help him figure out where to go. But a lot of people are sort of reluctant to do that and got him killed. he's not alone that gets people killed all the time yeah yeah that's fucked um yeah i like i you know i wasn't a fan of kobe bryant's or anything or really even basketball in general but uh it's it's real sad to see and like i said if if you if anybody looks

Starting point is 03:34:03 up shack's comments it's i was tearing up almost i was about to cry just listen to shack talk about it he's he he was holding back tears the whole time and seemed really bummed out and shack's going through his grandma just died and i think maybe is it grandma sister am i crazy i mean it's both right it's like his grandma and his sister and his friend's daughter like like a bunch of people in his life have died very recently he's like i'm already not sleeping at night and then this happened and have we considered that shack is some sort of black widow right who kills all the people around him stay away from shack do not get liberty mutual insurance this is does he advertise that he liberty liberty yeah yeah he does he advertises fucking everything

Starting point is 03:34:46 really yeah shack somehow he advertises like gold bond and icy hot icy hot and and like gold bond makes like a patch i he'll anything he will do anything and i don't think he does liberty i think he does the general yeah 1-800 general now yeah yeah yeah I hate those commercials they're the worst 1-877 cars for kids donate jerk I've never heard any of these things I am uh it's not that I'm invulnerable to advertising it's I'm very hard to reach reach It must be like all these things Are programmed into my head Like the fucking Pledge of Allegiance

Starting point is 03:35:30 Cars for kids Make your car today I hate that I hate that so much Billboards work on me If I'm driving I might stop at a place I like the ones that just say Jesus It's like Jesus what? billboards if i'm driving i might stop at a place i like the ones that just say jesus yeah

Starting point is 03:35:46 it's like jesus what is there you didn't put a bible verse on there or something just green background white letters fucking jesus so i like those uplifting or the ones where it's like if you abort your child you will go to hell for eternity and you will be sitting next to fucking atilla the hun and he's gonna gouge out your eye like just horrible things on there like pictures of a fetus torn apart on like highway 70 it's like people need are driving here man i'm not trying to watch if you drive on the the road from georgia down to like florida like like there are so many of those billboards they know their target audience there's so many fetuses chopped up on billboards and just all kinds of horrible things just just it it's always that it's always abortion style

Starting point is 03:36:37 it's like it's even worse than those pictures that i put on cigarettes in like canada yeah with like a rotted out lung i think they do that in australia too don't they like put like a dead baby or a black lung yeah so all cigarette packets in australia now are all there's i think they're all white and then they just got a big picture of something that's like either like a tongue that's rotted out or a dead baby or it's yeah it's pretty pretty full-on that's all this on the packaging and they'll have like in just like a simple font it'll just be like you know whatever fucking cigarettes out yeah no worries nine out of ten rapists choose marlboro yeah it's like i don't want to choose i don't get how this stuff is so popular like it a lot of people smoke and a lot of people smoke in Europe

Starting point is 03:37:26 especially but in America it's dying off vaping is becoming a lot more popular and cigarettes are dying off I reckon that's how America is because it's like you smoke you pay more taxes

Starting point is 03:37:41 taxes in Australia are brutal so cigarettes in Australia are brutal. So cigarettes in Australia are really expensive, like maybe $30 or $35 for 20 smokes. And then in Australia. Jesus Christ. And then alcohol, this is insane. So in Australia, it's like $50 Australian for a slab.

Starting point is 03:38:04 I don't know what you guys call them, cartons, 24 beers. Oh, yeah. A a case there you go um but in europe i can buy a beer for like 40 cents it's insane so cheap a 30 pack of beer here is i know missouri is like really cheap alcohol and tobacco even compared to other states taxes it's all about taxes i might drink as much as want, smoke as much as you want, and then pay the taxes for me. You can get a 30-pack of Bud Light for $11. Like a 30.

Starting point is 03:38:32 I know a pack of cigarettes here, because you see them in gas stations and shit, it's like $5 for a pack. You can get a keg for like $80. Yeah. And if you want, you can keep the keg. Do you know how much a case of Bud would be in Georgia? Do you have any idea?

Starting point is 03:38:49 I have no idea. Like a 30-pack? Some states don't do 30s. They only do 24s. I would guess like $18. Okay. Yeah, it's like $11 to $13 a year. I haven't bought a case of beer since college.

Starting point is 03:39:01 I have no idea. You should make yourself up a case. How long until you can drink, Kyle? Yeah. What? How long until you can drink, Kyle? What? How long until you can drink? If the judge wants to let me off in October, he could. But otherwise, it'll be 23 months. It doesn't really make sense to me.

Starting point is 03:39:19 It wasn't like you were drunk driving or something. It's a totally different offense yeah it doesn't make sense to us either like that it's like all right well you got in trouble for weed no boozing like yeah and no pocket knife no pepper spray either you know no pellet rifles you know it's it's it doesn't make any sense it's just a law i don't want to go off on the whole pocket knife thing like i do every week but that'd be the hardest one for me to live with I don't want to go off on the whole pocket knife thing like I do every week, but that'd be the hardest one for me to live with.

Starting point is 03:39:48 No pocket knife. What's the point anymore? And so I'm guessing you can't leave the state either. No. Not just the state. One segment of the state. Yeah, I can't leave my region without some special permission. And that's going up to 23 months? Yeah.

Starting point is 03:40:04 And then you can travel the world again yeah okay are there places in the world that wouldn't accept you yeah japan you might have issues in australia getting a visa yeah lots of places like if i had a criminal record i don't think i could go to america on my stream last week i actually i thought the most likely scenario was that bernie wins and uh clears the record like i was like i think that's actually the most likely thing that's going to happen the three scenarios are probably biden bernie or trump right and and bernie would have been my not my choice but my prediction and uh but now i think biden winning is we'll see why bernie's surging biden bernie got the coveted joe rogan endorsement that's that's a lot of fucking people i feel like bernie's wins a couple statewide ones but if you look at the overall, Biden is winning nationally.

Starting point is 03:41:06 Biden's winning all these swing states. It's weird. The only way that Biden loses is if, by winning the first two primaries, that changes the story around Biden. I think it will. He's losing his mind. I don't think that's a bad thought, yeah.

Starting point is 03:41:22 The other thing is, Biden's running against... Do a push-up contest those are all normal behaviors taylor uh biden um the headed on this the winning oh oh he's running against democrats right now which is easy mode they're not attacking him over burisma right the dirty thing that he and his son did. But when he runs against Trump, that will be the narrative. The 2020 issue won't be emails, it'll be Burisma.

Starting point is 03:41:54 And it doesn't matter that Ivana and Kushner and Giuliani's kid and all those other people have government jobs and that they got hooked. The story will be Hunter Biden. But it's not gonna be a story until he starts running against a republican the democrats will go because half the democrats are running for vice president and secretary of state or what have you yeah i i i uh i still like bernie's chances pretty good i think the more he gets exposed to uh to people the more people will like him.

Starting point is 03:42:26 Bernie's the only one that'll beat Trump. I really do think that. Take Pennsylvania, for example, right? Bernie says absolutely no fracking. Pennsylvania being a super important swing state. Bernie says no fracking. Bernie loses Pennsylvania when Biden can win it. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 03:42:49 I mean, nobody seems excited about joe biden like nobody's like yes dude biden that's my god wait you mean the guy that like touches young girls inappropriately all the fucking time like on camera like whispering a little like seven-year-old's ear the guy who like oh i could do push-ups shut the fuck up I was in Vietnam, as far as you know, and I'll show up. He's losing his fucking mind. I was in Vietnam, as far as you know. It's my favorite line. I don't think he was. I didn't know.

Starting point is 03:43:16 That's why I said it. As far as just off-the-cuff, bing-bang-boom kind of insults and stuff that riles people up, Trump is way better at that he's been an entertainer his whole life that's his bread and butter not the politics thing whereas biden is not a full box of crayons anymore just very obviously he's not like trump isn't either yeah so i don't know how that's gonna do trump is a word salad nightmare to listen to and he lies all the time but he's teflon so we'll see how that

Starting point is 03:43:46 works out biden stutters in a debate from a month ago and we're still talking about it right biden says that dumb ass thing about children touching his leg hair and it's a thing trump you know goes backstage in the miss teen usa contest and that's gone we don't talk about that anymore trump grabs her by the pussy that's a dead issue that's you know 2016 trump has those same faults but not the same punishment but his teeth aren't falling out on tv right because he doesn't have a great way of wording everything and just swinging it and changing the topic it's not from an external because obviously i'm not an american and we only see it from outside of america so it's different what you guys see but every time there's a big topic on trump he owns it twists it and then moves on it'll be a new one tomorrow yeah like he doesn't apologize he doesn't linger on it he just

Starting point is 03:44:36 he seems to not give a fuck which makes everyone else not give a fuck and it's super effective and it's a race to like the 24-hour news cycle too where like nothing really ever it doesn't feel like anything breaks for more than a day or two at this point where a story will break about anyone yes now it's just like oh it's just another trump issue like it's just like oh it's been turned normalized the media said everything turned up to 11 for so long that now people are deaf to it, where it's like, oh, oh, this is the thing. This is the thing.

Starting point is 03:45:10 Okay. Oh, it was nothing again. It was not. And now you're onto something else. I think 36 hours later. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Starting point is 03:45:16 I think Bernie has a very good chance because I think that I think he'd win. I think that Democratic voters aren't stupid. I think that they're gonna see um what they're gonna see in this next debate i think is everybody ganging up on bernie including whoever's hosting it especially if it's cnn or mcbc or somebody oh yeah it's obvious the mainstream media fucking hates and and and i'll tell you what you know that i saw that last time and it really pissed me off and made me send him 27 you know and i think that's going to happen a lot. I think he's got a very good chance because the more he wins and he is going to win these first two, um, the more you guys should have another bet. Yeah. Um, my bets,

Starting point is 03:45:55 I still think that I, my bet is the same as it was at the beginning of the year that it's going to be Biden and Bernie. Um, and that whoever it is is going to lose to trump my side of that bet has aged poorly kyle had burden and biney uh and biden it's not for presidency it's for the democratic side and it's virtually a two-man race yeah burden by yeah they're trying they try and push warren up too but it doesn't she's just not nearly as like crashing i just you know i i feel the same way i felt from beginning i don't feel like warren is likable enough i felt like regardless of what says i feel like there's a certain percentage of the population that is bigoted towards homosexuals and a lot and that percentage of the population makes up a lot of the democratic voter

Starting point is 03:46:40 base and i felt like yang just really wasn't getting his name out there well enough outside of like the internet and uh and after that like i just didn't see anybody who was close um amy klobuchar what are you doing get out of there like nobody nobody cares she's trying to be secretary of state or she's trying to be ambassador to her favorite vacation spot is what she's doing oh that's actually a pretty i'm with kyle i think a lot of them are doing that and it's like i said that's why they're not beating the barisma drum every day am i pronouncing that right i would love to be the ambassador to like turks and cacos if i'm fucking andrew yang i i don't i don't jump on the bandwagon of attacking bernie like like where they each take a turn hitting him i go the opposite i'm

Starting point is 03:47:24 like i pick a candidate that you think is going to win and start being like, look, I'm tired of hearing everyone go after this guy. It's clear what's happening here. And this is what's wrong with politics. Go down that lane and win some brownie points, not only with Bernie, but getting your name out there in the news and maybe you get to be the fucking

Starting point is 03:47:40 ambassador to France or something like that. I'd love a gig like that. I wonder what yang wants next right because i think yang is running to make the world a better place seems weird isn't he out of it no um but uh yang's super rich he's not trump rich i don't even know how rich trump is but let's say yang's worth 200 million dollars something like that he made it in software so i don't think he's like hoping to have employment post-election he's fine that way i wonder what he's setting himself up for 2024 then get your name out now

Starting point is 03:48:12 so then later on when people hear you the second time that you know that you exist god never heard of him not crazy yeah i don't know for sure so yeah i get some name recognition that makes sense says he's only worth between one and four million yeah what one and i mean yeah yeah between one and four it says but who fucking knows i hate bloomberg i could be like bloomberg's the worst ever bloomberg is just doing shit to try and take voters from biden yeah i'm sorry not biden bernie um i wanted to ask pastilles some stuff about tarkov because I know you've done that podcast with, who's the dev from Tarkov? Nikita.

Starting point is 03:48:49 His name's Nik... What is it? Nikita. Nikita, yeah, of course. Do you have any insight into what, and is the next patch March? I heard that for a long time. So no, they came out saying

Starting point is 03:49:01 that they were going to do a wiping backtrack on it and say it'd be about five months. Shit. But there's going to be a wipe and backtracked on it. So it'd be about five months. Um, but there's going to be content updates coming out each couple of months. So there's going to be a lot of content coming out, but they're not going to do another wipe until, um, they either have the main storyline ready to go,

Starting point is 03:49:19 or it's going to be the book. Yeah. But steam audio, the big, it's going to be the big, could you explain that audio, the big, it's going to be the big. Could you explain that to me? Because everybody talks about it. And like, I feel like I'm the only one that's ever like honest enough to be like, I don't know what that is. What is it?

Starting point is 03:49:34 And everybody's like, oh, it's a, it's a better audio. It's like, so not. So it's a different type of codec. So it's like, it's like, you you know when you go from just having stereo to surround sound and you're like and as you've got proper surround sound speakers and you can hear them going around the room it really does sound like that and it's when they switch it over at the moment in tarkov we've got a lot of issues with like dead space of sounds and you could be like right above someone can't hear them then all of a sudden the bam they're in front of you

Starting point is 03:50:03 verticality is terribly bugged yeah and so originally tarkov used to go through a different audio setting and you could hear everything from every direction through 40 floors of concrete but you could be third floor interchangeable here in the basement or um factory i could tell exactly where everyone was in the entire map so they changed it to try and make it so um you couldn't hear through certain thicknesses of walls and stuff but it turned into what it is now and it's really fucking bad i'd rather hear everything than nothing than shitty a hit and miss yeah like the um there's some maps where staircases in particular like like i have i was on the staircase of reserve last night and i was they were like i was i was like i got a contact on me and they're like what floor and i'm

Starting point is 03:50:48 i'm on like a third and i'm like i don't know he's either on the roof or the first floor but he's close like i died today and i was like okay so i think he's like just in front of me and he was on the roof of the resort and i'm like what how was he up that high audio sounded dead center and yeah so the is either going to be with steam audio or the or the um so they will they only going to do wipes now with major changes that are going to require it so hideout upgrades when they're going to do a pretty big upgrade to the hideout eventually. So this is the first iteration. I think that's how you say it. The main storyline. And apparently we're going to be able to escape Tarkov.

Starting point is 03:51:32 And also Steam Audio. I think those will be the ones that will have paid patches that will require wipes. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Did you say paid patches? Sorry, no patches. I didn't mean to say paid. Oh, okay. I was like a stutter.

Starting point is 03:51:47 Yeah, I'm really looking forward to some changes in the game. Like I said, I've only been playing for two and a half months, but it's already to the point where it's like, all right, give me some new stuff. Give me some new stuff. Let's go. I'm not looking forward to underbarrel grenade launchers. I've never enjoyed those in any game. But controlled by the amount of ammunition that's available.

Starting point is 03:52:03 So you might have one round you know so i don't think you'll go into a raid like i've got 15 rounds i think it's gonna be really interesting when they bring claymores in and they use a detonated and you're gonna have a guy that's like put a claymore down near an extract and then it's laying there for the fucking next 15 minutes i'm gonna do that i'm gonna do it but not only am i gonna do that i'm gonna take like a hundred of them in yeah i'm gonna get five mates to come in with me or i'll get a full fucking server and i'm gonna crash the server every time they do something like that it's like my objective is to push it you've done some stuff like that that's really cool like like you broke the market

Starting point is 03:52:36 and changed the way they do the market um stilly um um you could explain it better than i could you manipulated the market market in a way that you made a very cheap item um increase in value by like 50 fold or something like that yeah so they made it they had it so the market would go up and down in process based off how low and high people selling stuff on the flea market so i got 100 million rubles and i gave it all out to my community in good faith and i said buy as many of these rounds as you can it was like 1.5 billion rounds we bought and then put them up on the flea market for like they were selling for like 14 rubles put them up on the flea market put them up um for i think 10 000 rubles around and every three to four hours the economy resets and the prices went up so um they went from 14

Starting point is 03:53:27 rubles i think they went up to like 70 rubles and then on after that when it's like 500 rules so we turned 100 million rules into like 3.5 billion or something like that and then they changed the way they do the market which i got a lot of shit for that initially but then people were like that makes sense and i've done a lot of things that piss people off but at the same time it's to test it out because that's what i know it's in a testing phase which is loose really because it's more of a game phase at the moment but you're the first to do a lot of things i think like like weren't you got the first kappa container is that right yeah but that was given to me yeah they sent me they sent it to me and they didn't explain what and i had never spoken to nikita before that so it was like you know i said it wasn't real weren't

Starting point is 03:54:14 you the first person to find a kibaki no no i wasn't no no okay um but there was definitely like i've been a lot of first i was I was the first person to get to 40. I don't think anyone else has done that. Besides, a mate did it with me. We did a 201 to 40 stream. Yeah, I don't know. I just, I like testing stuff and having fun with it and trying to break it. I shot a guy like 1,200 meters away.

Starting point is 03:54:41 That took three hours to do. We just went one side of shoreline to the other and just shooting up at a 45 degree angle with traces we're trying to get the lob to land on him and he'd like move to where i was shooting every round until he got on that spot yeah that's really cool i i'm looking forward to the to them adding more and more content because this seems like a game studio that's really wanting to fulfill that promise of of finishing their game it seems like nikita really has a vision for what he wants to do and he's very serious about it you know like i started off with like three or four

Starting point is 03:55:14 people and now it's up to in a team how many a hundred they've got a hundred and they're dead but like the thing about battle state games and and off did you hear about all the controversy about them not wanting to put female pmcs into the game oh yeah yeah so there was a there was actually an article it was about three years ago at games con i think it is in germany and one of the devs it's no longer working for him said that women couldn't handle the combat stress and that's why they won't be in the game. It was said they've changed their picture now, and they don't believe in it. That guy doesn't work there anymore, to my understanding.

Starting point is 03:55:49 I don't know all the facts. The thing is, end of the day, if Battlestate Games doesn't want to have female playable characters, they shouldn't have female playable characters. And if they want to put fluffy unicorns as a playable character, they should be able to put fluffy unicorns as a playable character. It's their game, developer of the they should that they want to in their vision and every gaming studio should do that and that is why this day and age games are going to

Starting point is 03:56:13 shit from triple a developers because they're just trying to keep everyone happy whereas belstek is like fuck you i'm in russia i'll do it how i want and. And they are. They're doing it that way. And it's why this game is really good. And the only game in the studio that's even, the only game in the studio that's better than Battleship Games, in my opinion, is GGG from New Zealand, who make Path of Exile. And they're very active with their community, and they're making an amazing game.

Starting point is 03:56:42 What would get you to switch from Tarkov? The game to die okay is that i got sick of it but honestly like i'd go to path of exile if the game died i'd go play path of exile i love that game um you ever think about it from like a career perspective like honestly so i can't see myself as a streamer for the rest of my life and you're part of that um i've got a second youtube channel now which it's um it's been a little bit delayed because my wife's only rocking up to europe in about 12 hours time but it's gonna be a vlogging channel and i want to get more outdoors i want to go do fishing four-wheel driving random outdoor stuff i don't

Starting point is 03:57:26 want to be in front of a computer every single day i want to get outside and that's what that channel is for so this year we're going to show people the fun stuff we can get up to and then next year if it all goes to plan i'll cut back to like maybe four days a week streaming three days i'll be out of the house living life doing fun things interesting to see how that goes yeah like ideally they love everything you do and make and you get to live your version of a best life and you know we come along another way it could go is they say we only like you about tarkov you know and i want you in a darkened room uh maximized depression you're raging at this game because that's my favorite kind of pastille content right like that

Starting point is 03:58:11 and and like you they only like the worst of you which would suck so the way i see that is if i'm smart with my money now that if you're smart with your money you're smart with my money now it won't be an issue right so um we'll get it i'm going to buy another house at the end of the year i've already got one house paying itself off with rent and at the end of the year we want to buy a nice house and then hopefully next year goes well as well and by that stage i'll have you know some money saved and all that with uh with how successful i am at twitch at the moment. It's a considerable amount of money. I can get a couple of houses under my belt,

Starting point is 03:58:47 have them rented out, and then hopefully that's enough to... I could go back to holding 1,000 subs or 500 subs. That's still enough to live if the houses are paying themselves off, or even better yet, they're paid off. Supplementing the lifestyle. As long as Tarkov doesn't die overnight i can't

Starting point is 03:59:05 see me having any issues like battle state games would have to go yeah exactly but battle state games would have to do something really fucked up like i'll talk really fucked up to kill their game who's the guy that plays sea of thieves a lot summit was summit is who i'm thinking of right he's been playing tarkov he. He plays Grand Theft Auto. Have you seen the Summit Effect? It's a YouTube video. I may have. Go ahead, please, Tom. I reckon this is where your head's coming to it.

Starting point is 03:59:32 So he was playing a lot of H1Z1, PUBG, and then Fortnite came out and he fucking hated Fortnite. And he was very vocal about it to the point where he was actually getting quite depressed. He took some time off streaming and he came back and he fucking hated for it and he was very vocal about it to the point where he's actually getting quite depressed he took some time off streaming and um he came back and he said fuck it i don't i don't care if i sit on 5 000 viewers i'm gonna play what i find fun right because you know when these people are on 20 000 plus subs they're on like multiple million dollars a year so it's hard to give that away to just do what we find fun he came back played sea of thieves

Starting point is 04:00:06 and initially it was a bit slow but then they saw how much fun he was having he made that game very successful with one of their uh their expansions that came out and he's absolutely killing it now on twitch is one of the most like enjoyable people to watch because he just plays what he finds fun now that to me is the the catbird seat i don't know if that works in australia but that that's the position that you want to be in um and it's uh look i'm no expert but it seems like it's not the position you're in today it's something you'd have to go work for yeah i think but that's the dream for every content creator and it's very hard to get to it's like particularly to be like let's say

Starting point is 04:00:46 top tier like we're talking top 50 streamers to be able to do that it's very very hard to do i think dr disrespect is close it'd probably have to be a shooter probably yes to be a shooter he can't go full variety koi carnage is there he's the guy that did 2000 days straight as a streamer he got married had like two three kids streamed every single day obviously not full streams every day but now he holds eight to twenty thousand viewers i don't know his sub count but i'm pretty sure it's over ten thousand it's like fifteen thousand he has no issues for money for the rest of his life like he's smart with money he's a bit older as well um there's not many people that can do it. And I think this day is so hard to break out on Twitch.

Starting point is 04:01:30 For me, it's easy to focus on one game like Tarkov. I'm very passionate about the game. I love it. I can play it every day. But eventually the game will die, and eventually I'll get sick of the game as well. So when that happens, we need to be able to – I'm hoping my community will be strong enough

Starting point is 04:01:46 that I can still support the livelihood. And if not, my wife will hopefully go back to work. Right. Yeah, I think Tarkov's going to have a much longer lifespan than most games because it's so different. It takes all the great things from whatever shooter, name one, whether it's Counter-Strike or Call of Duty.

Starting point is 04:02:06 And when it adds the economy and the leveling system and the tasks and the teamwork and the fact that you're losing this stuff, when you lose it, you need high highs and low lows to keep people coming back. That's what addiction is made out of. All addictions. I mean, even the best drug addictions high highs low lows i worded to people um like tarkov because people go like how do you get the enjoyment from the game and i said to people it's like when you first play tarkov like you kill one player it doesn't even have to be geared you're like fuck yeah this is the best day ever and then eventually you'll kill like one or two players or three or four um to the point where it's like for me now, it's like in three months,

Starting point is 04:02:47 like the last three months I killed like one game where I killed nine players. Right. And for me, that was like the fucking highest day of my last three months. Right. Yeah. Very similar to like sex. The first time you have like sex, it's like missionary. First time you kill someone.

Starting point is 04:03:02 It's like nervous. You don't know what's gonna happen i think you're killing nine and getting off the whole time so it's like yeah so the first time you just like it's very missionary it's like simple but now it's like you're gonna get choked out you have to get hit in the back of the head just to enjoy it so it it can it can get that way with tarkov sometimes but for me i always just try and do something different to enjoy it that was the first time i killed the first time i killed glue car and like all of his boys all by myself i was just like this is incredible and then literally the very next game i did it again and i'm just like all right i've arrived all right but then this is

Starting point is 04:03:37 the game for me like so in cod i went through a progression where i became a pretty good player and uh it got to be like if i don't go 30 and five or something like that, which is a good game for me, then I wasn't happy. I didn't meet my expectations. My expectations rose, and now I was only satisfied with the game when it was a really standout game.

Starting point is 04:03:58 That must happen to you in Tarkov. We put handicaps on ourselves now, so we only go in a certain gun. That's how we get it. Me personally i get my enjoyment is i actually deliberately don't go fully geared all the time now actually do you enjoy the hardcore account more than the standard account playing no i usually get frustrated on hardcore because um most people want me to do it on the standard account which is no space and then when you like kill like so you'll fill out your stash in like one good raid and you're like shit now i can't fit anything else and then you'll start deleting or selling stuff to get rid of it and then you'll

Starting point is 04:04:33 you'll die like two raids in a row and your stash is useless so it's like that's very frustrating for me for those who don't know like like i guess you know there's different self-imposed rules but essentially it's playing on a standard account which means that the container that no one can get at even after you die is only four tiles. And what I saw Shroud do, I don't think I've ever seen you start the first five minutes of your hardcore account, but I noticed what Shroud did. He deleted everything the game gives you to begin with.

Starting point is 04:05:00 He deleted every bottle of water, every pistol. I don't even remember at this point if you begin with any money whatsoever, but he deleted every bottle of water every pistol like i don't i don't even remember at this point if you begin with any money whatsoever but he deleted every and we deleted the melee weapon as well even he deleted his melee weapon yeah yeah that's the rules he just goes in fists out and like scrounges and uh and and builds that daisy feeling so i'm sure you guys all wear a daisy you literally have nothing and so you're like looting weapon crates to hopefully pick up a gun um which now they have ammo for previously i had to find a gun and then also the ammo for it yeah or a dead scav on the ground what was the game we played kyle that was daisy you're right it was daisy yeah so it's like i've got a magnum you've got a glock anyone have oh we have a 22

Starting point is 04:05:46 ammo that doesn't fit either of these we'll have three kinds of ammo and two guns and none of it it's awful and i've got a fire axe like come on we can take this guy yeah we we played one we played daisy for like hours and it would take like like we would literally use the sun and all right the sun is on my right shoulder put it on your left shoulder and let's start walking yeah like like we would like use the ocean and the sun to try to to try to navigate toward each other because we were playing on a server with no maps and no bicycles, which is I prefer the servers that have maps, compasses, and bicycles. So you can at least get around a little bit,

Starting point is 04:06:30 but we hated it. We hated it. I got very frustrated at DayZ. I used to play it on Armored. It was a DayZ mod. And then when it went standalone, I just got frustrated. A lot of the Tarkov streamers that are successful early on, they they're all daisy streamers they switched over to tarkov so you got smoke

Starting point is 04:06:50 deadly slob cotton they they all switched over from i like deadly slob yeah i like him a lot yeah i'm gonna get high with him at uh twitchcon that's awesome yeah yeah i watch uh i watch deadly slob i watch you i watch uh veritas i'm a big fan of veritas very talented man i like when he gets on that guitar i like making fun of each other yeah yeah yeah and uh i heard he doesn't really play the guitar yeah yeah it's all air guitar i say i take keytone people's air guitar and so don't bind to any of these go to veritas stream and and pretend like for real that you think it's air guitar. Not in a jokey way. Like, dude, you're not even playing that.

Starting point is 04:07:27 We can tell. Stop posing. He'll pretend like he doesn't mind, but you know he does because that's his talent. And he's super toxic, but I really like watching Chicken Prison sometimes. I enjoy that stuff a lot.

Starting point is 04:07:47 Does Chicken Prison also play Tark yeah he's the one who like kills the guys and he's like this comrade didn't even hear me coming and that comrade over there didn't even kill me hear me kill the first comrade all right let's take care of this and then he'll like rock his character back and forth while playing an the audio of someone pissing like he's pissing on the dead body of the person he is super toxic you know it's it's oh man i enjoy it he owns it yeah yeah probably an asshole in real life too and he seems like a pretty nice guy he's got a back problem so he can't sit um sit down for too long so he actually um streams two streams a day so he streams like three or four hours and then stops for like three or four hours

Starting point is 04:08:27 and then streams again. Otherwise he's in too much pain. Yeah. He would be the guy I would be most afraid to face out of the people that I just mentioned, honestly, because I feel like he's so aggressive, like he would just push me with that fucking vowel and it would be GG.

Starting point is 04:08:39 I don't want to be peed on afterward. It'd be the most embarrassing to lose. They're all going to beat me. So it's just a matter of how I choose to lose. He sounds like my least favorite. Pastilli might even give you an excuse like, ah, he probably didn't hear me coming because the sound's really glitched in this corner of the building.

Starting point is 04:08:57 Chicken prison's like, this comrade Woody's get back on console, loser. He's just pissing on you it's just just the worst but but but yeah i i really enjoy watching uh watching content for the game it's uh it's definitely been my addiction for the last two and a half months or whatever one of the one of i started streaming a little while ago and this one guy stub stubsy who uh i play with a lot and he's trying to get me on Tarkov he hasn't succeeded yet but it might happen we'll see from Australia Stubbsy no he's from California okay yeah you should give it a try you know I I told you I wrote them I didn't tweet him yet because that's so

Starting point is 04:09:40 public and embarrassing I don't want him to say no in front of everyone but I wrote him an email I'm like hey I'm a streamer I got whatever 400 million youtube views and a couple million on twitch and you should give me a copy of the game and it's like yeah they didn't write back we can all take up a collection so you can afford it so guys please become a patron. Play the fucking Sarah McLachlan song while Woody laments his inability to afford Tarkov. It's an expensive game. It's $140 if you want to start hard.

Starting point is 04:10:16 Every game, a millionaire near you. Call it a video game. I don't know what it is about Tarkov. Well, it is much more expensive than my other games. It is expensive. It is expensive because it kind of gets rid of people that just... The riffraff. Yeah. I like that.

Starting point is 04:10:39 I like it getting rid of the riffraff. That's the problem with Fortnite. The way I see it is when people invest money into something more they're more inclined to actually give it a solid go instead of like ah paid 40 bucks i'm just gonna play for a half an hour because if you play tarkov for half an hour you're gonna be like fuck this like straight up it's gonna be like fuck this and i love the fact that someone like you know dr distra play tark. All these new people were like, oh, this game looks fucking easy. And then they buy the game and they're like, fuck, this is fucking hard. You just play it against bots.

Starting point is 04:11:10 And then they go straight to YouTube. How do I get better at Tarkov? And then my videos come up and then they come to my channel. I'm like, oh, you just got to do this. And then so it's like a vicious circle of how I can get promoted. Yeah, it's a very difficult game. There's no hand- hand holding at the start they do want to put a tutorial in eventually i hope they don't i kind of hope they don't i kind of

Starting point is 04:11:30 hope you make the tutorials they're trying to put you out of business i'll teach you i don't think it would be the worst idea to have say like a level one to five like only queue with level one to five just that because that's like level five even if you tried to just like loot the most top tier items in the game you kill like one or two scavs you're a raid or even just one scav raid you're gonna get level five in no time at all so i feel like they could have like a safety zone for that and then after that you're in the deep end with everyone else that's a nice idea and then on the other hand you as a level of something high i don't know 100 probably aren't interested in me anyway no i hate it i kill level one and my chat's like bully bully bully bully yeah appropriately so then i run an ad i'm like fuck you chat yeah unless the guy's toxic i'll

Starting point is 04:12:22 even dump their loot like like sometimes we kill people and like i play with some people who stream and they'll jump into their streams and start talking shit and it's like you know what we're gonna leave your penis helmet but now take it as my dickhead yeah now i'm gonna take it and sell it for 8 000 rubles just just because you're an asshole you're not getting pretty much back now i have 30 million yeah i i've i've played the squad the whole time. I've been really fortunate because those guys have played many wipes.

Starting point is 04:12:50 And so they've been able to really teach me how to play the game. And right away, I started doing shoreline pistol runs and I would find five, six lead X's a day. So like I'm never going to run out of money at this point. And my stash is everything I could ever want. So I'm really in a position where I can just play the game for fun and never stress about losing a million-dollar kit.

Starting point is 04:13:09 So it's a wonderful game. Yeah, I love it. I honestly can't be passionate about many other games these days. Like, I've tried playing all the other games to get popular, and I'm like, I do it off-stream because I don't really want people to just be like, I don't know. I don't really know why I don't stream other games, but like I play apex legends as a bit of a de-stressor.

Starting point is 04:13:30 But I want you to just like reckon on people and then just that's it. But like, I can only play it for like an hour and I'm like done or like any game these days, an hour I'm done. But Tarkov, like I stream eight hours. I'm like,

Starting point is 04:13:42 fuck that was eight hours. I've got a podcast to get to.'s like yeah i really there's a few games this year that i'm interested in and they're all completely different i definitely want to play um the forest part two it's something that's called children of the forest or sons of the forest or something that's a that's a horror survival game with craft like rust um yeah but there's no PVP. It's story-driven and sort of PVE. And it's very frightening because you're so under-equipped

Starting point is 04:14:12 the whole time. You're like an island survivor and when you're maxed out, you might have a bow and arrow and some spears or something like that. You really struggle against the enemies.

Starting point is 04:14:24 And they're frightening. They're very scary. And uh and i really want to play doom annihilation i'm i've been looking forward to that i'm glad they didn't release it on schedule because they wanted to actually fix the pvp element i played i played it at pax australia um and the and that was fun there but they actually pulled the game back and said no we're not going to release it because we want to get the pvp side sorted i'm glad because triple a studios are giving me the shits with that stuff um you know how cyberpunk's coming out this year i'm pretty sure it's this year yeah everyone's super hyped for it i don't even care because i'm really confident the more i get hyped for it the more it it's going to like flop. Is that just a Keanu thing? Like Keanu is the most popular guy on Reddit right now.

Starting point is 04:15:08 Is that why it's so hot? I got it. I think it is now. Yeah. Cyberpunk the game. I know very little about, but I know Keanu's in it and everyone's excited. That's all I know.

Starting point is 04:15:16 I'm super jazzed for Microsoft flight simulator. And I worry that nobody wants to see that streamed you too highlight of e was that e what do you call it e3 that was the highlight of e3 dude to me first of all they're mapping like every square inch yeah it's not coming they're mapping every square inch of i don't know if it's america or the world it might be the world and it's amazing the detail they're putting on there. If you play like American Truck Simulator, for example, they just shrink everything.

Starting point is 04:15:49 Why are you smiling? I'm not making fun of you or anything. Oh, okay. I'm thinking, I'm like. Like every air, like your house is going to be on there. Like everything is on there. It looks amazing. Can I crash into it?

Starting point is 04:16:00 I think so, yeah. It would be on there. This is kind of an aviation nerd thing, but the way that they're handling weather and the simulation on that like as the air blows over the mountain and the rotor that happens on the other side is like that just doesn't exist in current flight simulators the way that you can catch thermals there's sailplanes there's like it is gonna be the best flight simulator like ever and I'm like I'm so excited I want to buy my joystick and rudders and shit.

Starting point is 04:16:27 Now I don't need to know what to buy, but I'm on thrust masters website title on my sex tape. And you're trying to check out like, you know, well, what's the best one? Do I want to monitor like cockpit thing? I don't even know,

Starting point is 04:16:39 but I'm, I'm very excited about it. And I think it's going to make for some really lousy streaming content, which bugs me a little, because I think it's going to make for some really lousy streaming content, which bugs me a little, because I think it's going to be a fair amount of like sitting still traveling. You say that, but think of the RP of Grand Theft Auto role playing.

Starting point is 04:16:55 And he's massive. And they're trying to do it. Red Dead Redemption 2. It's not as popular, but there could be a pretty solid RP side side of um flight simulator where there'll be servers and massive servers that people just maybe i hope you're right and then there's another aspect of it if i were to counter myself my streams people aren't there for the gameplay right my streams get more popular when i stop streaming and flip over to just chatting so if

Starting point is 04:17:23 it's the type of game where i can pay more attention to the chat, at least for me, they like that more. Like there might be, like Shroud, for example, maybe that's the opposite. They want to see him slay. Yeah, I think that could actually really work too because it also gives that down to have good banter. There's going to be a big surge of people

Starting point is 04:17:43 that will be interested in the game just for purchasing it. And then after that, there's going to be people big surge of people that will be interested in the game just for purchasing it. And then after that, there's going to be people trying to learn how to fly. So there's heaps of ways you can actually teach people that way. And flight simulators are used for everyone who ever wants to become a pilot. They start with flight simulators. Or a terrorist.

Starting point is 04:18:00 That's true. That's true. That's kind of what I was smiling about when we started talking about the game. I was like, how could I make this awful? What's the most horrible take I could have for flight simulator? You could get people in by saying,

Starting point is 04:18:13 hey, I know a little bit about flying and then just have good banter after that to keep them. This guy is selling a 737. You pretend to be Muhammad Atta? Yeah. Put your gamer tag in as that, your player name, Muhammad Atta? Yeah. Put your gamer tag in as that. Your player name, Muhammad Atta. This guy's selling a 737

Starting point is 04:18:30 flight simulator cockpit for your home or business, he says. And it's a legit cockpit. It's $39,000. Oh, it's cool, though. I put the pictures a little more full screen so you can see closer but i'm not buying a forty thousand dollar cockpit i'm not even buying

Starting point is 04:18:51 see that's one regular rock and roll what would be infinitely cooler in my opinion is is to like go find like a plane boneyard there's one near me actually where they've got all these planes parked out in the field like take that And then you just need one seat. Obviously you don't need a fucking co-pilot. And then, you know, put the video game stuff, the thruster and whatever else, you know, there is control panels, et cetera, keyboard, of course, probably. And your own screen or two. Oh, that'd be so cool.

Starting point is 04:19:20 I've always thought that'd be cool for like racing games. But my, my take take is is the same as it's always been i play video games that are about things i can't actually do like go to war or or you know fight aliens so when i see one that teach it that's like all about flying planes it's like you know you can go fly planes barely affordably um you talked about the cool cockpit and stuff. On Tesla, kind of neat, they have a like dune buggy racer or something. And it uses the car's controls.

Starting point is 04:19:51 So when they're at the recharging station, you can see people turning their wheels. Because it's not disabled. They're playing dune buggy racing while charging their Tesla. Elon Musk is a fucking genius. If he turns the Teslala into like the most expensive gaming device ever yes they need more racing games i think but yeah tesla is popular in america

Starting point is 04:20:13 yeah yeah yeah it's an american company i've never seen one before i left a show and in europe they're everywhere there's charging stations everywhere you can't even go as a taxi to amsterdam airport now unless you're a tesla really yep you have to be a tesla test is it tesla or tesla either way it works yeah only only tesla taxis can go to amsterdam airport now that's it shouldn't be by name right like maybe it should be by brand yeah if you told me only full electric cars can do it i'd say thumbs up but if you're like no it has to be a tesla electric car move over nissan leaf it's like oh really what if the leaf two doesn't suck they've only got coca-cola mcdonald's this is what my uh my one of my motor riders he picked

Starting point is 04:21:03 me up from the airport and told me. That's cool. Well, we are well beyond our four hours and Taylor's starting to look like his dog just got run over by a car. It's just that my dinner's ready. Even worse. Cold dinner.

Starting point is 04:21:20 Yeah, thanks for coming on the show a lot, Pastilli. I know a lot of my friends have been really looking forward to it I messaged them earlier and they were like fuck yeah I can't wait let me know when it's out so thank you for coming on we really enjoyed you my pleasure thanks for having me wish you tons of luck with the streaming I'll definitely be watching

Starting point is 04:21:36 very cool BKA 476

Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #476

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