Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #479

Episode Date: February 28, 2020

In this week's PKA, former Funhaus funnyman turned full-time Twitch streamer, Bruce "B Is For Brave" Greene, is back with us! Having a stellar performance this week with the guys all show long, the guys talk about the news that is Wing's getting married & if the guys would attend his wedding, Taylor finds and shares with us more ridiculous subreddit... one involving sorcery, and then it wouldn't be PKA if we didn't have some epic animal hypotheticals. So enjoy!

you don't need anything on my side recording or anything right we just started let's go with this I like this beginning yeah no PKA 479 with our guest Bruce Gein you just called me Bruce Gein

I did I know better I'm reading it I just said it wrong Bruce Gein great grandchild of Ed Gein tell us how you've suffered, life carrying on the legacy of the child user. I promise to mispronounce many war words all night long and you'll see it just fits a pattern.

Does it bother you? Your uncle molested dead boys. Jeez. What? Thank God I'm not Bruce Gein. No, not Ed Gein. Ed Gein.

Serial killer. There you go. Well, a lot of missed notes already. 45 seconds in. Here we go. All right. We have Bruce Green here today.

Thank you, Sparler. What's going on, my friend? A couple of sponsors tonight. Goat, GetQuip, and SmartMouth. We'll get to them later. But yeah, I got Bruce back on. Was I in prison when you were on last time? Or do I just have a terrible memory?

No, you had just gotten out. You'd been out for like two, three weeks. Gotcha. Okay, cool. How are you feeling? Sore. Have you adapted? Do you feel back to normal society? Yeah, more or less.

Lights still go out at 9 p.m. Really predictable shit schedule now. Yeah. Yeah. Things are nice. I. Yeah, yeah. Things are nice. You know, I'm allowed sharp objects. I mean, not dangerous ones or anything,

but reasonably sharp objects. What's the sharpest thing you can have? A steak knife? I can have kitchen knives. Wow. But as my PO said, keep them in the kitchen. Right, right. That is hilarious.

You take steak knives for your fine-ass sous vide steaks. You got to keep them in the kitchen that is hilarious you take your steak knives for your fine ass sous vide steaks you gotta keep them in the kitchen sitting there upset he's gonna like bust in and I'm gonna be like cutting a steak up in the living room and he's gonna be like aha I gotcha what are these extra pointy tweezers doing in the bathroom Kyle no weapons ah a

toothpick yeah that sounds pretty terrible I can't wait until you're off probation. And you can just get on with your life. I can't wait until my drug tests are over. I took another one today. They come on these random schedule. I never know. I call the number. It lets me know. So today I had to go pee. What's a bigger pain? Calling the number or taking the drug test? Well, taking the drug test because calling the number requires just make a phone call.

You've got to drive like an hour away, don't you? That would bother me, the calling the number. It's a schedule. It's a thing that needs to be done. If it doesn't get done, the consequences could be huge. It's a little stressful. Like sometimes I'll be like, did I call? I have forgotten to call.

And I'll just be like, probably didn't have to take a drug test today. They'll call me tomorrow if I did. That's what would happen if I missed a drug test, if I didn't show up. Like I'm 99.9% sure that they, you know, my probation officer would call me and she'd be like, Hey, you didn't show up for your, your analysis yesterday. I'm like, Oh shit. I must've like called too early or late. I think the understanding giving how busy your agenda is. That's sorry. I was coming off a 14 hour Tarkov binge and I was feeling a little do you call every day, Kyle? Yeah.yle yeah uh not weekends that's the kind of thing that's very difficult for me to remember like like let's say i have a a run of like uh you know

painkillers not painkillers uh amoxicillin or whatever it is i'm taking because it's so similar i'm like did i take this today i have a memory of taking it but that memory is identical from every other time i've taken it and that's why it's hard for me to remember. Well, you know your phone does that thing where I just go to recent calls and I'm like, ah, Thursday at 9am I called. It does work. So after, I think, 4pm, I could call right now and find out about tomorrow. I could have called three hours and found out about tomorrow.

I haven't because I put it off to the last minute. I usually do it when I wake up in the morning and I'm just like, please not today. Please not today. Fuck. Alright, let's go drink some juice because the worst thing is you get there and you can't piss.

Then they're like, oh really? You can't piss? They're suspecting you immediately. I have been there before and the one I go to now there's a couple different places I go if it's the holidays I have to go to a federal building like an hour away and it's like sketchy

you go through metal detectors and they're kind of rude they're like take your coat off I'm like oh I'll take it off slowly you got any weapons in there like take your shoes off in your belt i'm like i'm wearing flip-flops and i bring about and they're like good god they're it's almost like i've disarmed better like they're like damn it i can't make him take his shoes and belt off. That's like 90% of how I get off.

There's some guy out there whose job it is to watch what you do. And he's just like every day he gets home from work, he's like, oh, another wonderful day of watching piss tests. So the probation officer, he was in the bathroom with me, like whenever I had to go there. And there is a mirror like right above the toilet. So I just assume he's looking in the bathroom with me like like when i whenever i had to go there and there is a mirror like right above the toilet so i just assume he's looking in the mirror and looking at my dick but whatever but when i go to the place i like went to today which is like 15 20 minutes away from me he's just like do your thing and he's like in the room back behind me filling out the paperwork and i go and i fill my cup up. He doesn't wear gloves. He doesn't care.

I'm thinking like I hand this cup of piss to him so carefully because I feel like it would be so awful if I spilled some piss on him. I don't think he'd flinch. Urine is sterile. You can spill urine. You can drink urine. You can

basically do whatever you want with urine. It's totally fine. Would you let me piss on your hand? No. If I was stung by a jellyfish. No. No. Just right now. If I were there, just like, here, have some.

It's sterile. Are your hands a little cold? Put it this way. There was one time I had to clean up. I want to say a four. I mean, let's say a three three minute piss out of a grown man off of all of my ex-girlfriend's clothes in a closet and i had to i had to clean it up for about an hour you my friend are some kinky stuff and i'm in could you start from the beginning of

this story so this is a story that all of my listeners and viewers have heard a hundred times but a friend of mine i invited over for New Year's Eve. He got super drunk. I let him pass out on my couch. Obviously, it's way safer. Didn't lock my door when I went to sleep with my ex-girlfriend in my bedroom. And I woke up to him pissing in my closet because he thought it was the bathroom, which I didn't know people did. So that was

yeah so he did that it was like at least it was number one because i'm gonna tell you i've got a cousin that i can never look in the eyes again so he pissed my closet but the worst part was he pissed all over only my ex-girlfriend's clothes and shoes so i had to clean it all up before she woke up she she didn't wake up i did so i spent i spent an hour on new year's day cleaning up piss uh off of like and i was able to do it for about 45 minutes before i started gagging um just having to tactfully dab off piss of some nice wedges it was a nightmare that's exactly right i was it a nightmare and, and it was weird because I was like, Oh, it doesn't smell so bad.

And the more, and basically the more that I inhaled it, the more I just, I couldn't stand it anymore, but it was like ammonia. And that's basically what it smells like. And it was sterile. So I was like,

ah, whatever, clean it off, clean it off. And then wash my hands and went to sleep. You didn't try and pull the old switcheroo the next morning, like act mad at your girlfriend. And she's asking why.

And you're like, cause you pissed all over your shoes. Squatted all over your shoes. What were you doing last night? I asked you why and you said you were marking them so no one else would wear them. Bizarre! No. I instead woke her up

and told her, hey, my friend pissed on your shoes. I'm really sorry. And she was like, what? So I told her the story and she was like ah no big deal she was really cool so i got really lucky question for kyle when you have a drug test coming up do you ever or have you thought about prepping the dick knowing that it's going to have an audience you know a little like tree looks tall are you asking if the bushes are trimmed well fluff is a great idea.

I wasn't thinking in that direction. I was going manscaping, you know? Why? Because your dick looks longer if you trim the pubes, Taylor. You know, if someone's going to check out your dick today, then show your best side. Well, first of all, there isn't quite the level of inspection that you're implying. And second of all, you know, I can't... Mr. Myers, you've placed yourself on our food scale, and I've deduced you're implying. And second of all, you know, I keep...

Mr. Myers, you've placed yourself on our food scale and I've deduced you're a bit heavier than you were last time. I'm assuming there's... And look at this. Look at the head give back when I... The yaw is all wrong. It's not coming back right away. Now it's rising off of it.

It's rising off of the food scale. You know, this is... That's a hilarious thing that some guy he's so insecure he's fluffing himself before he takes a drug test i would think the normal thought would be like fuck i don't want to fail a drug test yeah yeah absolutely that that that's the whole thing it's not me it's thinking like did somebody put some fucking dope in my food what i've known like maybe so like maybe sprinkle a little crack on me I would trim the pubes

jack it just a little and show out for my drug test I would pull my pants down the way second graders all the way down yeah hand on the side pissing proudly

they just have to look at my dented right ass cheek take the cup and. Hand on the side, pissing proudly. They just have to look at my dented right ass cheek. Take the cup and put it on the floor. Two hands just missing the cup totally. As you walk out, just go. You got a mess to clean up in there. Cup on the ground.

Spray the whole area in hand of the dirtiest cup he's had all day. What are they going to do? Honestly, there's nothing they could do. There's nothing they could do if I did that, but I would never do that. They're very cool people at the place I go to piss. They really are. They're not government people. It's like a private thing. Private pissery.

How often do they make you do this? I would say every 10 to 14 days. It's very random. It's gone a month before with no pissing. There was a week where it was like three times in a days. It's very random. It's gone a month before with no pissing. And then there was a week where it was like three times in a week. So it's very much random. Like I said, I call a phone number. An automated lady reads out a list of numbers from zero to 1,000.

And if she calls mine, I know tomorrow's my day. Are they testing you for like full spectrum drugs? Or is it just for pot? Oh, okay. Full spectrum. full spectrum drugs or is it just for pot? Because, oh, okay. Full spectrum. There's, um, they pour my, the place I go, they just mail my piss off to the piss testers. These are just the piss collectors that I, that I deal with locally. Middlemen. Middlemen in the piss world. And, uh, but when I had to go to the, like the actual probation office, he puts it in this cup

and the cup has like, it's almost like when you test the ph of your pool oh it's it's got it's got lots of those little readouts on it and i and i'm and we're just sitting in there he's looking at it and i'm i'm like i hope it all i hope purple's good purple's good right he's like yeah nah that means you've been smoking that purple gorilla fresh out of Colorado. Sir, I told you I got soap in both of my eyes 10 minutes ago. Yeah, that would be ridiculous to go in there fucking stoned. There was a lady like one time when I went in there and like I pissed

and then I had to go do a bunch of paperwork. It's like right after I got out of prison and I'm doing my paperwork and 40 minutes of paperwork and nonsense and him telling me what I can and then I had to go do a bunch of paperwork. It's like right after I got out of prison and I'm doing my paperwork and 40 minutes of paperwork and nonsense and him telling me what I can and can't do. And then I hear like shouting, not shouting, but arguing. And it's a lady who had pissed hot for OxyContin. And she's like, I've got a prescription. And they're like, do you have it with you?

She's like, well, no. And they're like, oh, she's like, what do you want me to do? Write her up. She doesn't have it. Oh, shit. Oh, my gosh. That's not like, oh. She's like, well, what do you want me to do? Write her up. She doesn't have it. Oh, shit. Oh, my gosh. That's not pot, too. That's a real deal drug. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you can have a prescription for that, but how many people actually get prescriptions for it? I mean, you must have really terrible chronic pain to get that. I've had surgeries and stuff, and that's usually what they give me. Yeah. That's like right after surgery, and it's only for a few weeks generally, right?

Yeah, maybe a few days. Oh, yeah, yeah. A few weeks? I feel like that's more than enough time to get addicted to opioids, right? It is. It is. Yeah, it totally is. Especially if you're snorting them.

Probably. I didn't even know that was really a thing You did Didn't that girl do it? Yeah she did I just know that bitch from Pulp Fiction almost died when she snorted heroin Well that's because She snorted too much

You can smoke, you can snort heroin Just not the amount that she snorted You can snort huge amounts of cocaine But you just want a little bit of heroin. Yeah, that's right. A dab will do you, as they say. And that's me saying that just smoke weed. Don't do those drugs.

Well, yeah. No, no. Stay away from that shit. Do what you want, boys. Okay, all right. Do whatever. Yeah, why not? I had morphine after surgery. I had a jaw surgery. It was like an eight-hour jaw surgery, and they gave me a little button that I would press that would inject morphine directly into my IV for two days. And the only thing I remember about morphine

was basically that it obviously made me feel good, but it just put me out. So I would press it, and it would just knock me out. It was like there wasn't even any feeling high. It was after a surgery, surgery to a pretty major surgery. So I don't know that it ever really made me feel good. I've had that. And I swear it didn't work.

Like how long would you press the button and then get an impact soon? Yeah, I would press it and then I get it within like 10, 10 minutes or so. So they told me like you can't give yourself as much as you like you desire. You know, you press it as a timer or whatever. And I always thought pressing it did nothing. I've never noticed any cause and effect from pressing that button. Huh. I wonder if you are...

Yeah, or you're immune to morphine, which is a possibility. What a dumbass superpower. What a terrible superpower. Immune to great feeling drugs. Oh, this is Woody. He can't feel the effects of morphine or coffee. That's his superpower. Every time they're trying to load up the fucking X-Men ship,

you're just groggy as shit. Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure. No, a buddy of mine who's a PA, like physician assistant, was like, yeah, like they set those buttons up, but so often people will so quickly max out their button presses that they'll like feel a little bit of a good thing to get rid of the pain and they'll go oh

hell yeah yeah just keep hitting the button and then eventually complain and be like my button's not working are you in pain yes that's how i handle the dentist we've talked about this before but when they give you that uh what is it called the gas nitrous oxide nitrous oxide yeah my my whole objective is to try to play it off sober you know for as long as i can you know do you feel it yet no mr woodworth you're pissing yourself. That's merely a test. I pass. Well, then get Mr. Thirsty on the job. I just focus and try to get enough fake sobriety

to answer a question or two so it runs a little longer. So you get more nitrous oxide. Yes, yeah. Because if I say, yeah, yeah it's working he's going to cut off my supply that's the opposite of what i want you know in hospitals i learned this recently they keep like big fridges of bud light in hospitals really what yeah because apparently like the only kind of withdrawal that can kill you is like those like alcohol like a certain friend of the show withdrawal and benzodiazepines which like are hardcore like almost like even more hardcore

than opiates and so like if someone comes another friend of the show about to like seize because they haven't had vodka enough hours they will like administer bud lights to people i had no idea speaking of blade all right so i i was um i was on, I think, Public Freakout. That's one of my favorite subreddits. I like to find good videos for us to watch on there. A lot of sad ones this week. But I was scrolling, and it was like,

streamer slapped in the face, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, that looks like Blade. I click it. And it's possible this is an older video because I don't follow Blade at all. But I had never seen the video before. And essentially, Blade is passed out on what looks like a cot.

Like maybe he's in like a fold-down bed in an RV. I'm not sure. His pants are around his knees. And he's got underwear on and he is freely pissing himself. And, and someone is putting solo cups, you know,

you see his penis pee. No, no, no. Someone is putting solo cups, those plastic cups underneath and catching the urine. And one is already filled up and they're sliding a new one under there and catching.

And he's like, it's steamy, it's steamy. And he's like onto his third solo cup. And it's just running like from it's filling his underwear up. He's passed out the whole time. Oh yeah. Yeah.

And I don't know if it was the same. I get linked a lot of this stuff. And then, but then I definitely found one of them on the public the public freak out thing then i saw he's passed out and the guy smacks him in the face for a donation like slaps him pretty fucking hard in the face and he jumps up and he's like what the fuck what are you doing you think it's funny and he starts calling him the f word and not not not fuck and he starts just slapping the piss out of this guy blade does blade starts slapping the shit out of him and uh and the guy's like i was trying to give some water

you don't want to be hung over do you and he goes never and then he starts slapping him some water like he had this brief moment of you know i don't drink water water man every time you think like well this would be a rock bottom right it goes lower yep that toe looks like he's halfway to mordor yeah what why did you i i scrolled away from it because i he sent it over and i was just like what the fuck is what is this i feel like a strong wind would blow that toenail away. For sure. Like when you take a dandelion. What happened?

Is it healing? No! No way. There's no amount of chicken and kale that's getting rid of this. I think the reason that the other toenails need attention so much is the belly. I bet clipping his toenails is a challenge.

Where are you noticing the length of toenails here? I know. You would make a terrible doctor. Someone's got a harpoon through their stomach and you're like, huh. All right, give me the soup. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to need 400 milliliters of soup stat. Don't worry, sir.

Help is on the way. Welcome to Matt Woodworth's, you know, herbology center. I'm going to once again prescribe a cup of blended kale. He's like, I'm going through severe benzodiazepine controls right now. A little cup of kale That'll turn you right You need to feel a buzz Have you tried the broccoli soup?

Don't worry This is awful This is the gentleman that we were just discussing This is his toe And it is a side effect of his alcoholism Oh really? So his alcohol of choice is Jägermeister. Am I pronouncing it right?

Jägermeister. And that's a heavy sugar thing. So he's just pounding sugar drinks all day long. And he has alcoholism combined with diabetes. Oh, my gosh. That's unbelievable. Yeah. If he's not going to turn around the booze with

at all he at least needs like a seasoned 58 year old booze hound to give him an intervention and be like you don't gotta get sober but switch to vodka you're drinking too much sugar even that would be a market improvement so it's i mean like has a doctor not gotten a hold of him been like hey if you keep doing this you're going to die They literally said if if you keep this up you might as well. I might as well take the foot now. Yes Yeah, what I love it to fee and he didn't stop drinking right well. I mean he said he drive home drink So he's drinking till he got back, That's unbelievable. Yes. That is unbelievable. Here's how it happened. So he used to love video games.

He managed to turn video games into like a career, you know, a little YouTube thing going on. That's great, yeah. And he loved drinking. He managed to turn drinking into a career, you know, donate for a shot, donate for this. Oh, got it. You know, donate for this embarrassing act.

And that just enabled the drinking disorder spiral into something that got out of control yeah i can tell you i can't tell you how many people in this line of work over the last 15 years that i've noticed have basically have become and no joke they become alcoholics they've become addicted to alcohol and then had to go to rehab because alcohol reinforced their entertainment or reinforced the way they were entertaining. And most thankfully, most of my friends have gotten out of it because they realized they were in a pit and they were like, oh, shit, I got to pull myself out. But it's so super dangerous. There's just that's it's one of those things that I I I I have a hard time conceiving of it because i'm not i don't have an

addictive personality that's really hard for me to be like oh i get it yeah i've been addicted to this and but i just don't have that but you probably see that doesn't help them as much as they think we're like they almost convince themselves like oh i need to be drunk to be funny and then it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy of like oh i you know they thought that was funny i was drunk during that got to do it next show. Alcohol is one thing, but I feel like a handful of people on YouTube or on Twitch or whatever, it turned out not to be a good thing.

They didn't exit it with fame, fortune, and mental health. It feels like a huge win when you're growing up and you've had a level of success financially you've never seen before. Everybody loves you because everyone loves everyone on the uprise. And then it turns the other way and they weren't smart with their money. They're having a hard time dealing with the hate.

And then just after the ride is over, that alternative universe where they just like finish college or something was a better life for them than the ride on YouTube or Twitch or what have you was. Yeah, no doubt. That's true in a lot of situations. Yeah, and everybody thinks that they would be good at dealing with, I want to say fame and fortune.

I recognize it's this Z-level fortune for most people. It's still got a lower sphere. But it's still a level of attention that other people don't get, that other people have never had to deal with. And everyone thinks they'd be great at it, and a lot of people are not yeah so scary fucked up yeah it's it's so scary it's it's it's again and and i this took me a long time to conceive of this for myself which was since i don't have an addictive personality it's it's hard for me to empathize or sympathize with that because i i

never get addicted to things so it's so it's weird because i and so i've had to really change my thinking about that and instead be like oh come on just you know hey willpower buddy and like it's not that it ends up becoming like a real problem for people that and it's in some cases genetic in some cases disease uh i'm the op and it's do you ever feel addicted to stuff even like food though where there's just like a snack that you're hankering for? And like the addiction changes all the time. Some of those might be pork rinds. Some of those might be Cheez-Its.

You know, I think the closest I've gotten to that is like Mexican food because I fucking love Mexican food. But I mean, like, I don't know. I'm going to have to cut you off. I didn't drive Giza Diaz in one night and i can't be responsible for another heart attack on our floor but that's that's the closest i've ever i've gotten to that i and by the way this is this isn't me preaching about not not being like this isn't me being like you know if you're addicted to something that's bad no not at all it's exactly the opposite i just i just got lucky i'm the opposite of you like i get addicted to everything all the time it's just not drugs alcohol and stuff but like i'll get into a

video you don't you need to try some more drugs and alcohol that's that's all this is about you're probably right i don't see what he's as much as an addiction as much as like a semi-constant moving obsession where it's like this is the thing i'm obsessed with now i'm so into paramotoring i'm obsessed with weight lifting now i'm obsessed with you know lawnscaping or taking care of my my barn or whatever like that's what it seems but those are all healthy things so far maybe the paramotoring that's pretty dangerous yeah yeah and the video games are a different level like i don't know like they were great for a career and this and that i also gained a lot of weight during that period in my life um but you know a lot of people gain a weight from the time they turn like 36 to 47

so you're on the tarkov these days though i wouldn't i've played a little bit of tarkov oh it's so good let me just i don't want to do too much tarkov talk but here's the infective thought that's in my head you can only do a scav run every 20 minutes. Scav runs you either win or tie, right? Either advance your character or it just gets undone. And I'm like, well, I have to shower. So I guess scav run, shower, and then scav run again. That's the best use of my time.

Is that it'll be ready by the time I finish my shower. These are not the thoughts of a normal person. Here's what you need to do, my friend. Once you upgrade your hideout, scab runs every 10 minutes. Oh, he's right. He's right. Didn't know that.

I get a scab every 10. My thing is, like, I can finish this entire tray of chicken wings if I don't eat Sunday. If I just purge halfway through i'm not vomiting up that delicious fatty protein my wife was made i had a meal like this is like three weeks ago but she made something for me and i liked it and i was eating it and it was obvious that i was full and she's like do you want me to take that plate away like and i was like no no no i can finish it and she starts mocking me.

Put me back in, coach. I got more to give. I can eat this whole plate. I'm like, all right, you're right. You're right. No, that is funny. Eating vegetables, being full. Oh, big man, going to finish that. You're Rudy.

No, I'm taking that away. oh big man gonna finish that you know like you're rudy no i'm taking that away i was i was trying to guilt my uh fiance into eating cheesecake at the cheesecake factory the other night because we went to the cheesecake factory had dinner which by the way i fucking love uh you get 2 000 calorie meals and it's amazing and uh and at the end of the meal i was like oh do you want dessert she's like no i don't want dessert and so i waited for the waiter to come and then the waiter came and was oh, do you want dessert? She's like, no, I don't want dessert. And so I waited for the waiter to come. And then the waiter came and was like, hey, do you want dessert? And I looked at my fiance, Autumn. I was like, do you want dessert?

Do you want dessert? Are you sure you don't want dessert? And she's like, no. I was like, no, really, are you sure? I kept trying to get her to say yes, because normally she'll say yes. She didn't say yes this time. So I didn't get cheese cake. I was super fucking bummed you've got

to break her super bummed bring around all those sample desserts that we get to look at see if she can decline that yeah you can't give her a yes or no option you just say what kind of cheesecake do you want oh okay all right yeah just force out the sampler my man knows the thing about sales which hole would you like me to come in tonight? There's another one. Another easy peasy one. Then there's no nose. I try to respect my fiance, so I don't work that way.

Man, what's that like? No, no. When you're like, then there's no nose. I'm like, so if she didn't choose, you would have picked her nose? You fuck. You sick fuck. Oh, no, no, no. a yeah i get it yeah no nose see where i i went there again i saw it yeah yeah i i'm just not a dessert person every time i'm out

with a big group of people and it's like you know like an eight top table out there and they come by everybody's full stuff to the rafters would you let any anybody save room for dessert first of all i want to lean over and wow that guy for even asking did you see that 18 ounce t-bone disappear i'm not i don't need any more but there's always like one person or two and i've noticed it's generally my mom if i'm out with family who's like uh-huh yeah dessert dessert for the table all right i'm just i want the lava the molten lava cake and so i'm going to order five for everyone and then like it's like you first of all you're extending this dinner beyond what my time constraints were initially right right thought of and second i know you're going to plant three of those bad boys right in front of you and just munch i kind of want to watch people

eat dessert so no no, I think dessert, we could do without dessert. You could totally do without it. Just eat more meat. Meat's better than dessert anyway. It's fucking awesome though. I mean like dessert, you know that dessert actually does, this is going to sound ridiculous, dessert helps you digest things. It's true. So a lot of sugar.

No, that's actually a common misconception promoted by the fat lobby. I have a friend. It's my friend's girlfriend. She says metabolism is a muscle and you have to work it. And part of me is like, that doesn't sound right at all. Verifiably incorrect. But she's really fit.

So I'm like, well, she seems to know what she's talking about. I don't know. Metabolism is a muscle? What does that mean? Because I mean like – Like you know how I guess your metabolism might drop if you stay in a calorie deficit long enough. So she doesn't do that. Okay.

That's silly. That's that starvation mode thing that people spout where they're like, you know, if you don't eat for four hours, your body goes into starvation mode. And so I need I need three cups of caramel corn every afternoon. It's like, do you think we would not have survived as a species if after four hours your body goes, shut it down, burn muscle? No, we would like if fish would rule the world or some shit we wouldn't it's starvation mode it's a thing though right not not four hours obviously i mean you could survive you could survive three weeks without food yeah literally three weeks so starvation mode is a thing i think it's six weeks but it's like you need to wait

fucking for well it depends how much fat you have on your body and how much access to water you have but you can survive a lot if you have a ton of fat on your body. I think you last like three days without water. Yeah, water will fuck you early. I think he may be right. It's at least three weeks without food. I didn't know six. That's unbelievable.

For some reason, I'm thinking you're right about three because I remember it being like three days or three weeks maybe was the way it was explained. No, yeah, it's like three hours without shelter, three days without water, three weeks without food. That's the survival. Wait, wait, wait, pause there.

Three hours without shelter? That can't be true either. I could go way more than three hours without shelter. Not true. Not if you're in the famous Cobra desert. I routinely go three hours without shelter in north carolina yeah you know in death valley you know you got to build a nice

little tent for yourself to die in did you guys see any of the debate no i don't watch those things i don't i don't want to get into a politics heavy thing but it's like Bloomberg got shit on to a level that's hilarious I thought there's no way that the dim primaries could be as entertaining as the 2016 Republican primaries

Trump was just so fun him getting eviscerated was the most entertaining thing I've seen in a coon's age it was some hilarious shit he was stuttering him getting eviscerated was the most entertaining thing I've seen in a coon's age. All right. It was some hilarious shit. He was stuttering. He was,

he was tripping over his words and they're like 5v1ing him. There's one point where they're talking about the women who have like confidentiality agreements with him. And he's like, we're, you know, these are bound agreements that these women agreed to. And, and,

and maybe Elizabeth Warren was like, so would you release these women from the agreements and allow them to tell their side of the story? He's like, well, we all agreed to the agreement. And Biden steps up. And while he does stutter quite a bit,

quite a bit, getting it out, he's like, well, all you have to do is, is say, you know, release them.

And then they could tell their side of the story. And he's just like, I'm not releasing anyone from anything. And then Elizabeth Warren had that great line, I despise her as a human being. She's a putrid human being. I hate her so much. Hillary Clinton, 2020,

2024, 2028, as far as I'm concerned, if it means Elizabeth Warren gets skewered on a spike, glad Dracula style tomorrow. Hillary is so much more unlikable. Yeah, that's really weird to me. No, I think Elizabeth Warren is much worse. And she said something like,

I'm going to get the insults wrong here, but she said like, we can't have a president who calls women like fat lesbians and horse face losers. And no, I'm not talking about Donald Trump. I'm talking about Mayor Bloomberg. He's like right next to her. You know, that's a quote from him. And they've got so much dirt on him. You know, he said that thing, you know, where his female employee comes to him and was like, hey, I'm pregnant. And he just goes, kill it. Really? Yeah. And then another female employee was hey, I'm pregnant. And he just goes, kill it!

Really? Yeah, and then another female employee was like, I'm having a hard time finding childcare right now. I might be a little late for this or that or not be able to attend this or that. And he goes, all you need is some black that barely speaks English. You know, someone to pull him out of a burning building if need be.

He's quoted as saying that? Yeah. He's also quoted as directing the police, go to the minority neighborhoods. 18 to 24. Those are the criminals. Get them. Like during the days of stop and frisk. This guy has spent $400 million

at this point. More now. Yeah. I think it's right about $400. It was $380 when we discussed this a few days ago. I was watching a video of four minutes of him being eviscerated before the video

Bloomberg had. All minorities. All minorities. They're in Michigan. They're like, we need Bloomberg here. We need Bloomberg here. We need Bloomberg here. We need Bloomberg here. We need Bloomberg here in

New Mexico. The number, I have definitely heard of him before. And he is the winner for us. Give me my $5. He's paying people to make memes, as we all know. I'm sure you guys know about this now.

Yeah, I'm trying to get in on it. I know everybody wants Bloomberg cash, but he's paying people to make memes for Instagram and Twitter. And I don't know, because his social media managers, I don't know who is his social media, because they must know now at this point. It's everywhere, though. Everyone knows that he is obviously like he's obviously terrible money

number one and number two you would never make a meme for bloomberg now at this point so why do they keep trying that i was thinking that the other day was like why would they keep trying this when they know if the social media manager who's on social media knows that they're failing why would they keep trying i think they're failing because it's like uh it's i think they're they're going to fail but like he doesn't have the background of hilarious comments that someone like trump does like and so trying to turn old bloomberg clips into like oh that's so memeable i'm gen z i that's that's that means something to me it's like dude that's cringe and you're shitty and that thing that you're talking about with him talking

about ndas kyle was funny because you can just see how bad Bloomberg's response and his optics are when like, imagine if Warren or someone was like, and Trump, you have a number, I'm seeing three, five NDAs you have with former employees complaining about pay or something. He'd be like, have you ever run a multi-billion dollar hotel chain? You haven't. Okay. So you probably don't understand the amount of NDAs that have to be signed in order to make this viable. So if you don't understand business, that's fine. That's fine. That's not what you do. That's what I do.

You lie about being a Native American in order to get paid $400,000 a year at Harvard. That's fine. That's fine, people. That's fine. Maybe you know something about casino business. And he would deflect it better, and people would be more laughing about it. I don't know how you run your casinos on the reservation, but don't know how you do it over there you're fucking retard and i've said that many times i'll say it again right now but like he would deflect it and say enough nonsense in there to

kind of disperse the fire a bit whereas bloomberg responding he fell apart so he did fall apart but i would argue that the advertising and the meme stuff is not a failure it's he is one of the top three or four guys in this contest free debate anyway and the only thing that existed about him was the advertising and the meme and it certainly wasn't his performance behind a podium it wasn't his performance on the debate stage it was in spite of who he was his advertising campaign succeeded at some level even though he's not a very good candidate at being winning a popularity contest i would see those two things like two separate silos the traditional tv radio advertising verse

the online memery is he's being roasted for the meme shit online where young people live like people are not compelled by a silly little video that some third party company made for on his behalf. It's just so the advertising on traditional media, definitely working. I agree with you. He's just, he's got a lot of name recognition and you've got a field that's dominated by

essentially three candidates right now with, with Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders and Buttigieg. I feel like Biden has fallen out of that top four. Yeah, he has. Or top three. And then it's just sort of like, it's easy to get in there amongst that tail end of the field

that are polling at three and four and 5% or whatever. When you spend $400 million, it wouldn't matter who did that. I literally believe that Woody could have spent $400 million and been right there with him. Yep. Okay. Yeah. You probably could have done better.

Yeah, you could have done the everyman thing. There's some quotes that would come back to haunt me too. Bunch of pictures of you swinging hammers and flying through the air. Woody the Nightwing. I'd have to literally break out the hood pass all the time. It says it's okay that I just offended you. They're calling him the Dark Knight, which means he can both fly and say the N-word.

You start digging through all the paintball footage looking for pictures of you with black eyes. Oh, yes, I have black friends um the i had an advertising class taylor don't know much more about this than me but what they told us was half of the money you spent on advertising is a complete waste it doesn't get you anything but it's very hard to know which half and i imagine that's what bloomberg's going through right now he's got a lot of wasted money things that aren't working for sure but who knows what's working you know and we i know what's not working where he has to worry stage yeah he like bloomberg doesn't isn't sitting there you know with a you know abacus going oh no i'm running

out i can't run you know 60 spots a minute on msnbc anymore like no he he doesn't even have to do like an opportunity cost 60 spots a minute just rapid fire one second there will be no tucker carlson just bloomberg i honestly think i honestly think that bloomberg is running a spite campaign which i like honestly because I'm a big fan of spite. All right. Not only do I love the word, but I like to embody it as a way of life. And so I think that he really has some sort of complex about Trump. I'm just guessing here. I'm just talking out of my ass. But I bet over the years, Trump has gotten a lot of the clout that he feels like that he is deserved. That's a good guess.

Cause Trump's more of the showman. He's the, you know, he's, he's there in the same city and he said, and Trump's a junior billionaire, whereas Bloomberg is mayor of the city and, and,

and richest man in the world or something like that. And he's worth like 60 billion. I think it's 63. Yeah. I heard top 40. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. okay okay it's just i feel like he's been jealous of the attention that trump has gotten and i feel like trump really has rubbed it in that i'm leading the feet i'm the lead of the free world now um oh you were mayor of new york nice nice right you have money trump has i have

nuclear weapons you want to see him you can't you don't have clearance bitch so here's something i was thinking about a possible debate mistake let's say hypothetically it won't happen elizabeth warren gets the candidacy does bloomberg say you know i said i'd support whoever but fuck that bitch you know i'm not gonna sit here and run ads on her behalf as she goes up it uh bernie roasted him biden roasted him and elizabeth warren roasted him oh getting roasted by biden oh if i'm bloomer by biden if i'm if i'm bloomberg if one of those three goes on to represent the democrats i might be like fuck it i know i said i'd keep spending on ads but i'm done

i don't like them yeah well he's got like's got FU money to other millionaires and billionaires, which is pretty baller. Yeah. If he bought Trump, it wouldn't really make a difference to him in his bank account. No. Think about how much richer Trump is than the average person. And then think about that, what,berg is 20 times almost richer than that almost 20 times that's insane and it's it's also i'm betting what he's gonna do is he's gonna wait

he's gonna say no you know what i'm gonna save my money for 2024 i'm gonna run again in 2024 how old is that bitch he's really old he's very very old but i mean like but i think kyle's onto something because i for sure think that a bunch of billionaires like these dudes get together and just have pissing contests. Yeah. About what they can get. I've got this woman. I've got this car. I've got this house.

100%. But at some point, there are things that you can't necessarily buy, right? That's right. And those are the real pissing contests between these guys. Oh, yeah? Well, I got to hang out with the emir, I got to hang out with the Amir. I got to hang out with the Sultan. I spend my summers over here

with this world leader. I get to go here and there. And Trump Trump's bragging rights trump everyone else's at this point, right? He's like I created Space Force. You want to see my new space plane? You can't.

I want to know. If you drained all my blood and replaced it with that of a younger man, how much better would I feel? You'd be dead. What? You can't do that shit. Why not?

That's what Lance Armstrong did. You'd feel great. Look at him. Yeah. Like whatever T levels i've dropped over the course of me turning in my i turned 47 yesterday so i had a birthday um birthday if if you put like 19 year old blood in me and just fill it up how awesome would i feel until my body no you feel amazing and the thing is you just have to keep doing it that's it that's all

i mean people are doing that now. And I'm betting, like we were talking about earlier, I'm betting those billionaires do exactly that. They just fucking fill their bodies with young blood and then go for a week or whatever and then have it replaced. I agree with you. They have to be like fucking eating foreskins or something because there's no way.

It's called young blood transfusion. Scientists have compared it to snake oil. And pseudoscience. It seems like it would work. Well, I think we can make it happen. I'm going to try. I've got some equipment. I've got a bucket of blood.

For no reason, I've got a bunch of hypodermic needles laying around. We're going to add it like one syringe at a time. They're underused, though. You're like, God, Kyle, this is hurting so much more than I thought. All right, this is going to take eight to ten days. Just do it nonstop. Your veins are going to be collapsed. I just want to carry around fresh blood like it was a colonoscopy.

Well, yeah, but like a colonoscopy, right? Where you have a little bag. Except the mind's just taking out the old blood, putting in the new. Swap that bag a couple times a day. Where does the old blood go? Into an adjacent bag, right? I think it's just squirt out. I'll just piss it.

Like you have a release valve whenever like a reservoir gets full that's here just like you're waiting on a bus or something you're like oh let me just uh where does it come out forehead nose you just you got a release valve right here like a little nipple like you just pop it you know those pool floats that the nipple you pop open? Yeah, you just... A little rainbow of blood. Yeah. High pressure. I would put it right above your butt like it was a tail and then just

out the back as you're walking because then you'd walk away. You wouldn't get any on you. I get my period six times a day. It's just bleeding. But if you're out there listening, any Bloomberg surrogates, pay us and we will absolutely be bloomberg ride till we die we make beans for a living you gotta hire us yeah don't look at anything to do with the history of this show

but pay us a lot of money and i will endorse you. Not even that much money, just any amount's fine. Yes, it's really a lot cheaper than you might think. Taylor, how much do you go for? If we're going to create a blooper review, what are we talking, $500? What are we thinking? I'd take a $75 TDI. Taylor, this idiot's got $500. He doesn't know I work for

Amazon gift cards yeah $500 reduce Mr. Bloomberg and I'm all on your team okay not too bad not too bad or even more than that you're not paying attention yeah right

throw me five grand come on I saw a tweet that was uh likening basically so he he's worth 63 billion and he spent what was it 400 million or whatever on on the campaign and somebody was saying that if you made 65 000 a year i don't the math isn't exactly right but made 65 000 a year and you spent 275 on a subway ticket uh that it was actually more of your net worth than he spent on the campaign yeah except they compare i saw that and they compared an annual income to net worth right yeah that's definitely different yeah yeah although the net worth would be well let's let's say i mean who i guess your net worth is probably about two hundred thousand dollars there if you're

making 65 65 a year depends on your age right the guy's 65, he could be a millionaire. If he's 19, he's probably got nothing. Yep. Yeah. That's true. And I guess it's the – I don't know. It's hard to conceive. For me, it's really hard to conceive of those huge numbers

and even think about what that – because at that point, you don't really even have money anymore. It's just – all it is is just a pass. Yes. You don't have to think about numbers anymore. It's just, all it is is just a pass. Yes. You don't have to think about numbers anymore. It's just, it's just literally a pass. You just say,

Oh, I need to do something. Oh, here you go. This is it. It doesn't matter. It's more like a Dave and Buster's card now. It's me and everything.

Yeah. You can do whatever you want. If you have enough money, I was like, and this, this, I have a very, very rich friend.

His, he's not that rich, but his family is worth a fuck ton like like nine figures okay i got we used to be better i should have stayed better friends with him fuck but he we were going to a blues game i might have even mentioned this in the podcast before but this was a couple years ago it was me him and a couple other people driving not even his car we're going to the blues game and he has like some special card that his like everyone in his family has that says how much he his family donates to the police union or whatever and we were driving like you know how every stadium there's like those diagonal on the street parking spaces that are all taken up by cops near it we're like that would be the best parking spot man a hop skip and a jump and you're in the venue and we were still looking for

parking and there are a bunch of cops ahead of us on the right as we were driving down and he was like uh slow down here i'm gonna hop out and talk to one of these guys i was like one of the one of the st louis metro pd officers like they don't give a fuck about you dude like they're looking out for hammer murderers and shit. Like, these are the real deal ones. And he's like, no, no, just stop here. Just stop here. And so he, like, forces the guy who's driving to stop,

kind of blocking traffic a little bit. He walks up. I don't hear what he says, but I see him talking to a cop, showing him that card. And the cop, like, gives, like, a little tip of the hat, gets in his car, backs out of the spot drives away and

my buddy comes back and is like yeah that one's for us i was like holy shit god it must be cool to be that rich like you just tell a cop move a cop thanked him thank you very much for your father's contributions to our police union, and I'll be going now. It was like, oh, this is so tight. That's got to be the way to live. There's no rules. I mean, there's no rules. I mean, people always say it, but like,

you could buy as many lawyers as you want there at that point. You're never going to jail for almost anything unless you're caught with a knife. I mean, fucking O.J. Simpson. He didn't go to jail. He didn't find a knife, did he? Bernie Madoff only went to jail because he fucked over other rich people.

That's right. I never looked at it through that lens. If he would have been running some pyramid scheme for a bunch of low to middle income wives selling juice capsules or some retard shit, he'd be fine. People do that all the time. They're fine. poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people.

Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people.

Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people.

Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. Poor people.

Poor people. Poor people. Poor people. mid-scheme i mean uh multi-level marketing business yeah yeah yeah multi-level marketing is the right way to put it yeah have you ever had a friend who was into that and they're trying to get you on board yes yep it's the most annoying thing ever like when i sold cars like a lot of those guys had side hustles before the term side hustle had been coined some of them just you know did normal shit like they drove a taxi or something like that but one of the guys was selling amway or some shit i don't even know

what it is that's one of them and he would always be hawking that shit at work like not just to us but like to us it'd be like so you don't want to buy the civic how about some amway like he's just like like like while he's he's trying to sell him the car and his fucking pyramid pyramid scheme nonsense he's like this is the best networking ever i'm i'm constantly meeting rich people all day people with disposable income they're here to buy a fucking car it's great and i'm like i'm gonna rat you out you're scaring off customers they're being polite yeah yeah the boss is that's what he got fired for eventually. Like, like the bosses found out, like,

yeah, like there was a big blow up. He's like, I've warned you and I've warned you and I've warned you. And here you are. We have two work computers to look up cars and you're using one of them to hawk your bullshit. He's literally,

we have two computers that we use to like use Edmonds and all the car facts stuff, like for the salesman to use. And he's using one of them to like do whatever sort of Amway nonsense there is to be done. I don't know anything about that stuff. I don't know. It's like a grocery store,

right? I'll tell you how it works. I mean, I don't have you guys, have any of you guys ever been involved with any of those things? Like actually gotten, okay. So my first job when I was 15,

I was applying for jobs everywhere because i needed a job and i was like oh shit i'm gonna get a car like i gotta make sure i can pay for it my first job ever that i got was selling cutco knives and cutco knives as far as i can see are pretty good knives i don't know i'm not sure i don't know anything about knives but i had to go to a class, learn about Cutco knives. And they're like, okay, cool. You get a job. So all you need to do is buy the Cutco knives. And then you're going to take those knives with you to other places and sell them. Right. You're going to say like, this is what you get.

And then other people will buy the knives that you have. They won't buy them off of you, but you keep your knives and then you go to different houses. Right. And I was like, oh, great. I was 15 years old. I was like, this sounds like, yeah, why not? Totally. don't buy them off of you but you keep your knives and then you go to different houses right and I was like oh great I was 15 years old I was like this sounds like yeah why not totally I brought it to my parents and I was like and then this was this is early so I was like it was like 1996 maybe 1997 so the internet wasn't really a thing you could Google it and uh I went to my parents I was like hey I just need 150 bucks for these knives and I'm good to go. And then I can go and start working.

And both of my parents were like, whoa, like, hold on, what is this? And they started asking their friends and all of their friends were saying, as soon as you buy those knives, they're going to fire you. And a friend of mine who was also in the same, like had applied for the same job,

got the same job, bought the knives. And before I took the job, he got fired. was also in the same like it applied for the same job got the same job bought the knives and before i took the job he got fired so he bought the knives and they fired him and so i was like just about to buy these knives and supposedly start my job and never did because that was exactly a multi-level marketing pyramid scheme is they just give people these knives for 150 bucks or probably 30 bucks a pop or whatever and then they fire them and then just keep doing that with people. Why would they fire you? Like I would imagine they'd want to keep people on board so that like some

diamond in the rough at some point is like, Hey, I actually sold a bunch of knives. That was the thing I found out is that they would give, let's say 50 people jobs and then keep 10 of them on. And so then they sold a fuckload of knives. So then like you said, they keep on 10 other people

that are good salesmen or whatever. And then they would go and continue the scheme. What a skeevy ass business. So what you do is you buy those knives, get fired, and you immediately go out, start advertising. All right, well,

you just need to buy these knives from me and you're part of the company. They said you don't work here anymore. Mark. He's a joker. that guy's a joker over there all of those knives are hidden in a pressure cooker somewhere in this building if you need to rehire me and i'll go disarm my fucking instant pot all your fucking japanese bullshit and steelware through people's temples. That's what I would do. Yeah. Well,

thankfully I didn't do that. I was almost part of a multi-level. I could have been that very top at some point. I could, you know, if I continued working there, right. Right.

God, you didn't have that mentality at the time. No. Yeah. I've seen it. There's so many of those, all those mary k all those pink cars you see driving around like those are i guess rubes or i guess the pink car people maybe they're not rubes maybe they're like a level of the people who are really taking advantage of the rubes

you get that pink car when you're like the the top salesperson for like a either a state or like a big area or something like that and they get likeperson for like a either a state or like a big area or something like that and they get like they get like a fucking cadillac you know like a nice fucking car hideous color it's hideous i see those and i'm just unless you sell mary k at which point it's a rolling advertisement and they might be happy no it's all women i mean like at some point you're just like what do you see when you see this pink car? I see someone who is hustling.

I see somebody who's rich. I see an ugly fucking car that I wouldn't drive. That's what I see. Generally an overweight woman behind the wheel. I don't care about the person behind the wheel. I wouldn't want to drive that piece of shit car. If I was flipping makeup brushes the way they are, I wouldn't want to drive that piece of shit car. I would if I was flipping fucking makeup brushes the way they are. You know, I wouldn't mind.

Yeah, I see him as a one percenter salesman, right? Maybe not one percenter in wealth, but this is a person who's able to visit the top of their field. Nice pussy wagon, loser. I sold so much foundation. Every day they just call me names. I imagine those companies are like, and here's your cadillac lease that you are now responsible you gotta pay the tax yeah so you gotta up your fucking makeup brush and mascara selling bitch four thousand miles a year and only 30 cents a mile after that you're gonna love it you're gonna love

it what a deal that's you can drive six miles a day for free yeah yeah no that it's sad though seeing that like not not the pink cars but seeing people who like genuinely think that shit's gonna help them help them out it's like yeah you it's like telling someone god isn't real almost where like you don't want to rush it because then they'll be sad yeah they might kill themselves yeah let them let them sell their fucking i remember juice plus was one oh yeah and they are these pill i remember my mom like just bought those from a friend when i was a kid like never got involved in it but she'd like buy the little like green and red things. And even as like a seven-year-old, eight-year-old,

taking those like with meals, I was like, there's just no way there's that many vegetable nutrients in this little capsule. It's not even the size of a piece of celery or like a tiny little floret of broccoli. Like how are there nutrients in here? And then come to learn, you know, eight, nine years after that,

it's a scam. You were a smart kid. I lost it. That was before the crash. That was before the crash. That was before the cranial swelling. You seriously expect us to believe he had a head injury?

You know it was injured whatever he hit. I've never had a head injury you know it was injured whatever he hit i've never had a head injury my skull's too tough you know you need you know i have a steel i have a new show you guys might enjoy um yeah i we've been talking about the outsider a lot and i think i've gotten both of you into that and i think a bunch of the fans are watching and they're all enjoying it there's a show on netflix i don't know how to a bunch of the fans are watching it and they're all enjoying it. There's a show on Netflix. I don't know how to describe like the genre, but it's called Rise of Empires Ottomans. And it tells the story of the Ottoman Sultan who conquered Constantinople.

It's six episodes. And it's this very interesting mixture between a dramatization, like actors acting out everything with okay special effects, pretty good battle scenes and stuff, and good acting and interesting characters. But then they'll have these breaks where they go to historians and they're like, Mehmed was this kind of sultan. He had strived his whole life to do this This and that This was the first time cannons had been used In a city siege to this level The cannon fired a Cannonball that was two meters

Wide They created this gigantic Cannon called the bear And then they had I think 69 other Cannons called the cubs And they just shot the walls for weeks whoa this is fucking sick i'm watching this that sounds awesome it's really good i uh i watched it all in like two or three days or something like that and i i was i enjoyed every minute of

it's a really cool story and like the the the it would have made a good tv show like like like a game of thrones like style show because some of the characters are so interesting and apparently It would have made a good TV show, like a Game of Thrones-style show, because some of the characters are so interesting, and apparently it's historically accurate how interesting they are. There's this Genovesian sellsword who is hired by the emperor of Constantinople to come to their aid, him and his 2,000 or 3,000 men. Maybe something like that, 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, 5,000 men. But they're defending against a 70,000, four, five thousand men. But they're fighting, they're defending against like a 70 or 80 thousand man army.

But what they've got are like the greatest walls in the history of the world. For 1700 years, these walls had stood against 20 or 30 attacks, like not just like attacks, but wars. And Mehmed, who is the sultan of the Ottoman Empire, the emperor of the Ottoman Empire. His father even had gone to war with them and failed. And it's a really cool fucking story. That sounds awesome. If the wall was good enough, it would be unbreakable, right? What do they throw, catapults with rocks on it? Cannons.

No, cannons now. So it was probably totally unbreakable in the catapult. And it's not just one wall. So the wall is, so you've got an outer wall and then a moat. And then you've got another giant wall with towers on it. And then behind that, you've got a killing field. And then another giant wall with big fortresses built into it with all of this fire coming down.

So you have to go through like three or four walls. It's like a video game. And as they're shooting the cannons at it, well, the soldiers just in there piling the rocks back up, right? They're just rebuilding the whole time. At some point, the cannonball should hit the wall, fall, and become more wall. That's the eastern cannonball wall.

All of the failed attacks. But some of the tactics that he came up with and like the intrigue and like because it's uh it's very much reminiscent of like um in game of thrones how the um uh king's landing was how it's sort of this harbor city that's how constantinople is and it's modern day istanbul spoiler alert We all know the song. That's how that song taught me. They might be giants.

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Check them out. We all use it. We all love it. I wish you could send it to me actually. Let me put a note in here. What were you saying? I had a new topic. If you were to hear a woman's name

and that name implies she's hot what's her name good question right um this i've i've had these i've had this debate in my head a number of times uh i think not like christina or theresa not elizabeth trying to think of like a couple well okay I have one from from high school her name was Shelby and Shelby

was like you know homecoming queen hottest girl in school for years and years and years and every time anybody saw her you walking down basically walking down the hallways it's like oh shit it's Shelby and she was super hot so every time i hear the word shelby i think oh she's got to be hot right she has to be i need to go shelby's a girl's name i know that's what's weird about it but that's that was that's what her name was so now i have that related because of the

because when i was a kid well carol shelby and that's the only thing i think of um so your question was what female name you immediately assume that it's an attractive lady perfect candy and so i had a stripper candy's a stripper right off yeah candy's i had lexi in my head who also might be a stripper but if i'm going to assume she's hot like just might be because i assume she's like russian or easter like her name is natasha or svetlana yeah like that right like i would just assume they're hot if they're something with an a at the end yeah or maybe like scarlet and you know what scarlet karen now is like the opposite of hot, right? Karen is like grandma complained to the manager kind of person.

That's the thing. But back in my day, Karen was hot. Was it? Yeah. Karen was like one of the cuter girls in my younger schools, right? Before she got a loppity. Yeah. She didn't have to complain.

She didn't have to complain. They just gave her extra cheese. Right. Yeah. got a loppity. Yeah. She didn't have to complain. She didn't have to complain. They just gave her extra cheese. Right. Yeah. So it's funny. I hear all these like Karen insults and I'm like, man, I couldn't even date Karen.

I wasn't good looking enough. That's hilarious. How does that, so how does that work for guys? I'm trying to think of a hot guy name that like if a woman heard a guy's name they were like, oh it's this guy he's totally hot. What would it be? Because it's not Bruce.

It's definitely not Bruce. Certainly not Taylor. That's a girl's name. Chad? When I hear Chad I think put the good furniture away. Yeah, Chad's an insult now. Yeah, Chad's an insult.. Yeah, Chad's an insult. I thought Chad's the one you want to be.

Like, there's the beta, and then there's the Chad, right? Well, it's like a frat boy. Yeah, Chad's going to cause problems. Nobody likes Chad. Yeah. No, it's good memes, though. The virgin blank versus the Chad blank. Right?

Yeah, Chad is... That's true. That's like the juxtaposition that I'm making. Just the way he likes... I like the way he's doing the arms not even in function. His legs are backwards and he's just got a bulge.

So if not Chad, what's his? What about Max? Would Max be a good name? If it's a last name like Power, then yeah. Maximum Power. I love that. That Max name sounds so fucking cool i don't know what it is this last if it's powers first name should be richard right like dick power

dick power i'll throw one in for max there if it's maximilian yes if it's max well no that makes sense that makes sense maximilian sounds a little more like how about something more and it's like it hits the the you know what about what about the brain that subconsciously likes the word million like what about what about esteban you know esteban is the hottest esteban drove me in a lift the other day no esteban's the local pool boy who works with like cut off jean shorts and all the ladies are sitting around watching him it's funny because i was going sexy in the opposite direction old money right what if his name was like emerson or arthur right something that doesn't imply hot but his great-grandfather was rich and it's still carrying down.

My name's Elmer and I come from an oil family. I come from the great glue fortune. My name is Rockefeller. Nice to meet you, good fellas. My name's actually Rockefeller Rockefeller. I'm double rich. I could buy and sell your ass. You know, I will. My name's actually Rockefeller Rockefeller. I'm double rich. Yeah. I could buy and sell your ass.

You know, I will. That'd be cool. Like something Rothschild. That's a very rich family. I think pedophilia when I hear that, though. When you think of Rothschild? I just think of like central banking. Alex Jones has taught me well.

That's definitely. That guy has never taught anything valuable about anything at all have you seen all the videos of him freaking out at people on the streets yes that's his best content yeah they're the best i wish he would run up against a guy who was tougher than he looks right you never see a see Alex Jones going up against the mountain in those situations. It's always some beta cuck that he's abusing. Now, it's my understanding, you don't even live here in this country? I was played mountain in Game of Thrones. Yeah, so you have no vested interest in the future of this nation.

That's what we're trying to hammer home here, folks. These immigrants coming here, stealing our jobs. You think I couldn't have played the mountain? You think that my whole getting redder, getting bigger was for nothing? No, that was my shot. That was my fucking shot. That didn't pan out for me because of Thor Bjornsson. You think they chose him because he's 6'11 and 900 pounds of pure muscle?

No, it's because of the bigots. Against right-wing people like me. That's like what he probably was. My little fantasy is him running up against like Dominic Cruz, right? Kyle will know who he is, but he was the 135-pound champion in the UFC. You might look at him if you're Alex Jones and think that you'd be the alpha in that situation, but you'd be mistaken.

I don't know. I would like to see them rolling on the floor. I don't know. Alex is a big boy. Alex is big. He's strong. He's aggressive. He's aggressive. He's red. He's thick.

But everybody's got that weak chin. If anything, Alex looks like he could take a punch. What? Alex looks sturdy. Taking a punch and neck thickness are actually related. Neck thickness is one of Alex Jones'

defining attributes. He really does look like a powerful guy. All jokes aside, he's not one of those... Like Tucker Carlson, I wouldn't pick in a fight against virtually anyone. He's a very average-looking guy. I'll step it up, Kyle. Make it Conor McGregor.

Alex Jones might think that he'd alpha Conor McGregor if he's wearing a shirt or something. Conor's so known, though. Very few people are going to step up to a guy like Conor and think they can do anything. I've seen what he does to old men on the street. It's not pretty. You wouldn't want to do that. Here's an example.

A guy like Jason Statham might underestimate an opponent like Alex Jones because Alex Jones, Kyle's point of being hard to knock out, that rings true with me. His neck is so thick. He's pretty much a rectangle body style. And he's one of the only men on the planet

that I wouldn't be confident going head-to-head in a headbutt contest. Not in a headbutt contest. Not in a headbutt contest, but he strikes me as just so much bluster. Him and Johan the Mountain Goat Miller. They're in the top three for sure. You don't want a headbutt with these people. They're professional.

He's big. I was just watching his Joe Rogan today, and I was looking at him sitting there, and he's probably six foot, maybe six one 260 pounds way to know and and he looks big he looks big and strong i think i think he's really big i think i think he gets hit by a fighter right away and he's done i think that's it i don't think alex jones has ever maybe he's gotten into a fight or two, but I don't think he's going to put up with... He's been fighting the Globals for years.

I don't know. Or, you know, undefeated. I would love to see him fight. Has he ever... He should do a YouTube-style fight. He fights his own cholesterol every day. Now, they'll have you believe that the HDL and the LDL should be in some sort of balance there no

they should both be high as you can get it still balanced yeah the harder your blood has to work to pump through those arteries the more impact it's gonna make yeah it's hard strong like a moose heart pumping that thick blood just day. Like someone stabs him, and he just looks down, and it's like the Terminator. Like no blood comes out. Like it's molasses. He made a fatal error. Strawberry.

Yeah, he's... You will never convince me that he shouldn't get all of his social presence on social media back. No, I think he should. It's too funny. I think he got a bad rap. First of all, he did a lot of misinforming and said a lot of stupid stuff.

But after a while, he was like, oh, okay, Sandy Hook did happen. I don't think he ever sent people to the parents' houses. That's what they were really throwing at him. They were saying that he was sending people to the parents of dead children's homes to like call them crisis actors and i don't think he said that it's hard to attribute like i have a hard time assigning where like how

responsible a leader is for his followers right like um just right now betler okay hitler pretty responsible not oh i was going the other way i was gonna say hitler was pretty responsible for he just got away from him he meant well you've seen this man honestly guys could we settle it down and it'll be getting out of controls here i thought we were going to have a fun time, just me and the boys in cool, dope-ass uniforms. You think that I sunk half of our military budget into these fucking dope

clothes for no reason? We're supposed to be having fun, boys. Having beer halls, and then you started putting people on trains, and it's like, where did I lose you? That would be the funniest speech to come up where he's like I'm super stoked on this

very very cool everyone behind me. If we can take it from the 10 we're at now, if we can just get it to like a cool 7, I think this will go better for us. No, still keep the clothes. I'll throw in cool hats with scouts.

Just please bring it down. You turn idiot at the end. Bring the level down. My name is Adolf, and I am here to settle down the troops. Yeah, that would be the funniest Hitler on Earth.

It turns out, not that bad a guy. Lots of action shots from him doing cool, fun things, like playing ping pong with Churchill or something. A little known fact, Hitler was the main pioneer in water skiing. And he's just, ah, this is the best!

The lederhosen? Yeah, just lederhosen. You know the only thing that would make this better are a fuck ton of amphetamines. What I'm getting from this podcast is that Alex Jones is a hero. And Hitler was a pretty cool dude. That's what I'm getting from the podcast right now. In this hypothetical, he's not too bad.

I think they're showing their true colors to be honest with you alex jones or hitler in public like yeah you know what they're probably even worse than private so i see it but yeah he might be worse i those clips of alex jones like going up to the young turks in their studio the whatever the main guy's name uh something you yeah sea jack or i don't know yeah but like he goes like when he like storms up to him in the middle of a broadcast and starts screaming at him and taking his shirt off just magnifique like so funny so it's it's not fair i'd like to see that fight i think alex will win but the other guy is kind of a moose too it's just a bear versus a moose yeah the other guy

comes off and i've never seen i stand up, but he looks fatter. Oh, I would love to see a bear fight a moose. Are you kidding me? Moose are pretty stupid, right? They're huge, but they're like cows. They don't do anything. Herbivores usually fight very well.

Are moose herbivores, right? I think so. The flesh-eating moose of Canada are feared wide and far. Like a moose or herbivore, right? I think so. Yeah, they are. Yeah. The flesh-eating moose of Canada are feared wide and far. Like a moose might outlay it. You just see him. Giant, really sharp teeth growling at somebody. Like those fanged deer in the rainforest. You've probably never seen the teeth of a moose until now.

And he just pulls his lips back and snarls and it's full of huge fucking wolf teeth. You've come across the rare carnivorous northern moose. How big is a moose? Did you just look it up, Taylor? Yeah, I did. So a moose is between 8 and 10 feet

in length and height at the shoulder is between 4.6 and 7 feet. A male is 840 to like a full grown adult male is 1500 pounds. So that's... How much does a polar bear weigh?

800? Like half that? I don't know. I'm going to bet that a polar bear is 1200 pounds. Polar bears are the biggest bears. They are the largest of the bear. An adult on hind legs. Why'd they break it down that a polar bear is 1200 pounds. Polar bears are the biggest bears. They are the largest of the bear. An adult on hind legs. Why'd they break it down like this, Google?

You fucking asshole. But not the most dangerous bear. Okay, an adult length 7.9 to 9.8 and weight is 990. So like a thousand pounds versus 1500. But you also get those claws, that mouth of a weapon the bears have so i'm i'm taking a polar get a polar bear over a moose yeah plus uh like some sort of fighting grappling like body type and experience it's got arms moose doesn't have arms it's just antlers though those

antlers yeah moose moose has got the one critical strike so basically if the moose is charging at you and hits you with that you'll probably die yeah the moose is charging at you and hits you with that, you'll probably die. Yeah, the moose is like a glass cannon in that way. He hits you on that initial rush, you're probably fucked. But if that polar bear can shimmy a little bit, get to the side, control the back. I think we're underestimating the moose. I've seen those moose, like just cow moose, go crazy up in Canada and start wrecking neighborhoods. And they're terrifying.

They're so big. They hit cars and the car moves. They're just so powerful. I don't know. Mose and Nagant, one shot of moose. You'd have to hit him in the right spot for sure. Any lung heart would get it done.

Lung or heart are certainly in the head. If you shot him in like the guts you just really piss him off um he would just keep on coming a friend of mine lived in fairbanks for a long time and he he said if moose just got loose like you were just talking about kyle they would just charge through neighborhoods and basically people's lawns and there's nothing you can do like there's that you can't stop them you can't get out in front of them and be like hey like they're just gonna They just keep going.

They just plow down fences and plow down anything in their path. You know what is scarier than any of these animals? And that's the hippopotamus. Yes. Have you seen that documentary that's coming, I believe, to Netflix called Cocaine Hippos? No. No. It's an awesome documentary.

I hope they're dealers. Just very skinny hippos. I hope they're dealers. Just very skinny hippos. It's all about the hippos that Pablo Escobar imported to Colombia to be on his wild game fucking preserve. And then after he was put out of business, now there's hippos in South America, in fucking Colombia. And there aren't many predators for the hippo in Africa. There are no predators for the hippo in South America.

Isn't it funny how subcontinents just become pussy continents? I think America doesn't have the kind of apex predators that would reign supreme. We did a real number on them. We killed them. Well, we're the apex predator. There were short-nosed bears and saber-toothed tigers. And I mean, there were armadillos, like the size of a Volkswagen. Not that they're like apex predators or anything,

but there was a lot of megafauna here, and we killed them out. Those giant sloths. So what you're saying is the people of Africa and Australia, who now have the apex predators, are kind of pussies because they allowed them to survive. Yeah. You know, I've said it many times. Africa has let those lions run rampant.

For far too long. And you just settle them down. Or maybe they just live with them. Maybe they just live with them and hang out with them. I don't know. You ever seen the movie The Ghost in the Darkness? Yes. So The Ghost in the Darkness tells the true story of the Savo Lions.

This is a real thing that happened in Africa, turn of the century, like let's call it 1894, more or less, within 15 or 20 years, either way is where I am. I'm definitely somewhere in there. No way to know. And this actually happened again. So the British were building their railroad through Africa at the time, using mostly Indian labor from India and local African tribesmen. There was this pair of two male lions without a pride, a very rare thing, that had killed hundreds of human beings.

That's right. The British have sent this Army Corps engineers uh officer to get this bridge constructed well the lions are killing so many of his fucking workers left and right that they just quit they they leave him behind and and so he's his new mission is to kill the lions yeah and and like it goes on for a long time the sabu lions are in the museum of National History. Spoiler alert. I like that the meanest lions in history are just a pair of gay guys. They're just wrecking everything. What it actually is, is when male lions come to a certain age, they have a couple of options, right? They can either try to take on the alpha of their pride and overthrow him, or they can go out and start their own.

The most dangerous lion would be one that can do neither of those things. And that's what you had here. So this is some, these are two male lions who don't have a pride. So they really can't take down a zebra because of the teamwork required to do that. But they can take down an Indian guy sleeping in a tent and fucking tear his flesh off in the middle of the night. It was, it was hundreds that they killed, like, like not 100 or 200. I think it was like 400 or 500 human beings that these two lions killed. The movie has Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas. It's very good.

There's this really cool scene where they're dealing with some local African tribesmen and it's at a point in the movie where Val Kilmer's character has killed a lion. Not one of the main lions, but a lion. And he's wearing the claws around his neck. He thinks he's a badass. And they go, Mutombo here. He killed a lion once. And he goes, how many shots did it take you?

And he goes, I used my hands. Oh. Which was a very small lion they did not include that in the story I choke him to death yeah good movie again real fun movie that's one of my favorite ones growing up

the ghost and the darkness this happens not rarely but it happens occasionally in the animal kingdom where an animal will just start killing humans like sharks for the most part sharks don't do that they they like they're obviously they're just hunting they're looking for food or whatever so they'll they'll bite you and then they realize you're not a seal and move

on but sometimes there'll be a shark i think there was a great white shark i want to say it was monterey or like somewhere in northern california that basically just started killing and it like that for no other reason than they just wanted to just kill around where they were. And I don't know if scientists even know why that happens. I don't know why that animals just all of a sudden are like, you know what, fuck it, I'm going to start killing things. Sometimes it's when a predator

is wounded, or when it's, like I said, with the sabo lions, it's because they didn't have a pride of their own and they weren't really able to take on the natural prey. And if they ever get a taste for human beings, they, they, they found a new weakened food source because at first it's something completely foreign to them. They're not sure if there's even fuck with those weird hairless apes over there wearing clothes and living in buildings. I remember there was some statistic about how many, uh, Indians, uh, dots, not feathers had been killed by tigers

over this course of time and it was an outrageous statistic it was like 300 a year every year for like 200 years something I'm googling on that one doing tiger attacks in India yeah

it's crazy not googling shit you're on your own India. Yeah, it's crazy. Not Googling shit? You're on your own. They estimate 373,000 people have died to tiger attacks between 1800 and 2009. How could you possibly estimate that? How many people? They said 373,000 over the course of a 109-year period. That's so many people.

That's what I was saying. It's a number that's like it's like whoa i feel like if americans live there they'd flip that shit over right we wouldn't have buffalo anymore lions here now we wouldn't have buffalo bill we'd have larry the lion hunter widely known for killing thousands and thousands of lions just for sport yeah and i i'm also drawing all these parallels between those Savo lions Kyle's talking about and humans. I'm like,

so these lions kind of joined the priesthood, right? They couldn't get married and have normal relationships, so they become priests and then they start preying on the weakest members of society, right? They're not eating zebras anymore. They're fucking children.

That's the equivalent with these Savo lions. It makes perfect sense. It just shows that any species, any male member of a species that can't get any pussy is gonna go crazy it's gonna have a real problem you get like that's what you get you get like roger lions who are driving around in their you know nice ass mercedes shooting people out of their window in southern california who's elliot roger there's a reference i missed he was the the shooter who like like the incel shooter from a few years back who like like had those like those like pouty faces and would film himself in his car like women are the worst and they suck and they won't date me or fuck me and i hate it

and like you know obviously you know different words than that but pretty much the same message and then he like shot a bunch of guys and their girlfriends like walking around and really shot happy couples that's like what his target was yeah he was like trying to like he even failed at that he was like trying to kill women because he was so mad at women and then he ended up killing more men than women anyway so just a just a total loser and maybe he's dead now let's see yeah i don't actually care so yeah we'll see you know he's spiritually dead so yeah yeah it's uh animals are fucking scary man like like i don't think i've ever been afraid of anything in the woods because there's nothing really here like what he said snakes they'll sneak up on you as long as it's not a rattler uh you know it's scary in the woods scary yeah but we don't

have those in my i'm in the southeast like like like there's there's a few black bears sort of in the north but i mean like hunting i was never afraid of anything that was actually out there when i'm in the woods my eyes are trained looking for poison ivy that's my like it's my natural predator that just fucks my day up i've never had ivy, and I've spent a fuck ton of time in the woods throughout my life, and so I am just riding the high of assuming I'm not allergic. Dude, you're going to get it.

I didn't know people were immune to poison ivy until I was in my 30s. And there's a whole host of people. They're like, yeah, I don't get that. And to me, it was like not getting scratched when sliding across asphalt or or like not getting broken bones when you fall off a building like how can you just not get poison ivy when you're in the woods you lucky son of a gun but yeah i've never had it and i've spent a lot of time in the woods same with me

yes on the opposite i've gotten ticks, though. And I've always been afraid of Lyme disease. Oh, I fucking hate ticks. I was going to say, has anybody... So, Kyle, how long did you have a tick in you? Do you know? Long enough for it to, like, just feel it in my hair that night and pluck it out. Oh, my gosh.

Like, embedded in my head. Like, in the skin. Yeah. I pulled out a tick a few months ago when I was out in my backyard doing work. And I got it, like, pretty much right away when i came back in i was doing like my body search and stuff and i did some googling apparently deer ticks need to have latched onto you for a minimum of 48 hours until they can transmit that to you oh interesting so it's not like an instant you're fucked thing well that's that would suck because then you can't eat red meat it like takes some years off of your overall livelihood apparently like it's it's a real all sorts of side effects it's really

fucking weird um but i've gotten them multiple times like three four or five times at least like you know you're you're in a deer stand like leaning your head back against a tree essentially and and that's where they are i've gotten chiggers oh i've got so many chiggers i can't even count those are the fucking worst i've gotten fleas. Oh, I've had so many chiggers I can't even count. Those are the fucking worst. I've gotten fleas. What's the difference between a chigger and a tick? A chigger is like... The chiggers play loud music.

A chigger is like... Jesus Christ. I should never have asked that question. You should have known where you are. You know what that one was? It was real quick. I was waiting. That was kind of quick on the draw.

The whole reason I brought up Lyme disease. I was waiting for that one was? It was real quick. I was waiting. That was kind of quick on the draw. The whole reason I brought up Lyme disease. I was waiting for that one. So like a tick is you can see it visually on there and like grab it with some tweezers, yank it out. A chigger is like teeny tiny little thing that just buries into your skin and then you get dots. Ticks have the cars that do wheelies right oh my gosh

but yeah triggers are the fucking worst you'll like walk out and you don't maybe you've had a different car you don't notice it right away but you'll be like sitting watching tv later and you'll itch your leg and there's just like two dozen teeny tiny little red marks. And you're like, well, okay, well this is my new feeling of my feet for the next three days. And you have to get a bunch of fucking nail polish remover and paint it all

over all the holes. Or not remove it, but actual nail polish. Yeah. Yeah. Nail polish and paint it all over the little tiny holes. And that way it suffocates them from the inside so that they die faster. Yeah.

They suck. I've never had chiggers. They burrow in and then they stick this asshole type breathing tube. So they can breathe. Yeah, this little snorkel. And so you just paint over that motherfucker. I got him in this field in Tennessee and I got home and I was like Googling how to deal with chiggers.

And man, I got so many jokes here stop it freeze great kyle i'm having to shut myself the fuck up right now and i was like kitty i need uh i need nail polish and kitty doesn't do her nails but she had some purple nail polish from like a halloween costume the year before and she was like this is all I got. And I was like, fuck,

well, I guess my ankles are purple now. Let's go. It was just my all from my ankle, like six inches up my shin. I just painted fucking purple with a whole bottle of that shit. So what happens when you suffocate them? Do they then die in the hole and they pop out a few days later or something?

You just absorb them. They just like go into your bloodstream, I guess. Like they're so teeny tiny. Yeah. Oh no. oh no that's terrible you know i've never had more afraid of ticks than chiggers because ticks like can give you shitty diseases oh yeah lime disease ticks are way less annoying than chiggers because like the whole thing of it behind a tick is like its entire life cycle depends on you not knowing that it's there. Whereas chiggers, like the second they bury and they're like, I'm here, motherfucker. Enjoy.

I've never had chiggers, but I've had red ants. They're terrible. If people live in an area without red ants, here's their modus operandi. They crawl on you and they they're like experts at not being detected. It doesn't itch, doesn't do anything. And they all get into position. And then they release a pheromone and attack at one time. So you instantly get like dozens and dozens of red ant bites.

It hurts, but that's not the big problem. The big problem is afterwards you get what's like an itchy pimple, and it goes on for two or three weeks. Yeah, we mostly got fire ants here, and those do really fucking hurt. They're from South America. They came over a few decades ago in fucking shipments of sugar. They are

not from North America, and they have no fucking enemies here, no natural predators here. I think anteaters literally eat them in South America, but we don't have fucking anteaters here. They just run wild. Why don't we import those too? Nobody wants

anteaters running around. They're fine. They just have weird-ass mouths. It's like Arthur from that show that we all love. So I don't know if this is a good idea, but we have problems. We, Jackie does. My wife has got into plants and landscaping and stuff like that, so she grows flowers by the

pool and around the house, and slugs are eating her flowers so for a long time she did she tried to manually like get all the slugs and throw them away and they like to go like under wet cardboard so she put that out and then collect like 20 of them can't seem to make a dent in the slug population so she wants to buy nematodes nematodes are this parasite that eats slugs and i'm just convinced it's going to kick off like a problem after problem arms in arms war yeah right first we get the nematodes to eat the slugs and then that's a problem so we get like something else like frogs to eat the nematodes and then then we bring in, I don't know, koalas to eat the frogs, and something until we have spider monkeys and moose.

And then we're escalating give a mouse a cookie scenario. But I mean, there are, of course, treatments for slugs. There are sprays and poisons. Slugs be gone. There literally are. I mean, eggshells even work. There's all sorts of things you do. Oh, she is aware of that. But the problem is they're not compatible with dogs eggshells oh got it okay

yeah well at least the part about eggshells but uh yeah the problem she thinks she's worried about the dogs getting into eating the snails that have been poisoned no eating the poison well it's spray it's like it'd be like them getting into like roundup that you sprayed on they eat grass that's the thought process anyway i don't think well i don't i don't i mean like roundup roundup has just been known to cause a bunch of cancer cancer i mean we all get cancer. That's nice. Eventually. I mean, but Roundup gives it to you faster. So the I think that that was maybe that's what she's worried about is bringing Roundup on. I'll have to ask her why, you know, they get an update on that.

We can't do Nematodes now because it's cold. It's snowing here today. They're just going to leave. They're going to be living in the pool. Right. Well, I think the winter will kill them. You're going to have pool snails. Look, you need to go to home deep.

Get some fucking slug poison. Just don't say anything to her. They'll be dead. They'll all be dead. This is good thinking. You can spread it on the dirt, I think. They don't eat dirt. True.

There's probably snail bait traps. They make rat poison um containers so the rat has to like go in and like go around the corner to get to the poison that way you can leave it outdoors and animals like your dogs and cats can't get out the poison but the rats can couldn't you also put like uh a circle of salt around everything that would be the trick that's the key also witches witches. We've messed with that. Slugs, you can't. I killed slugs when I was a kid with salt.

You can't. So that does work. And she's put some salt on like, they have like past that you're like, oh, the slugs are always walking across this part of the sidewalk. So she does that. But you can't just salt your landscaping because that kills that. Kills the plants. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, that makes sense, right? Did did you watch the spider-man movie salt your own garden i didn't even salt the garden obviously now nothing can lose plugs one year and we over get it i watched that a new spider-man movie today i know it's not new new it's probably a year and a half old by now I guess but I just watched it today and I love the one part it's just brief but he puts on the glasses you know that let him

see all sorts of stuff and when he looks at the black teacher who's played by the same guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm it says like history of witchcraft on his profile. There was a recurring joke that they just slipped in there the rest of the show whenever the smoke

monsters attack. He's like, the witches are back! The witches are back! Oh. Yeah. Yeah. I like that actor a lot. That's probably the best show on TV right now. Maybe secondly, Outsiders, but it's Curb Your Enthusiasm. They're in their 10th season and that show is so fucking good.

Was it always good? I think it's always been good. The first couple seasons are in standard def, right? It's that 4x3 aspect ratio. It's old. Yeah, it can be hard to get into. He hasn't been making the show for 10 years. He has 10 seasons made over the course of 15 or 20 years or something like that

because he takes multiple years off at times. Larry David is a fucking hoot. Because he's rich as fuck. But it's as good as Seinfeld, I think. I fucking love it. Yeah, I wouldn't put it on the same level as Seinfeld. From what I've seen, I've watched a few seasons of it.

Probably only the first three, but it's funny. It's very funny. You gotta watch like like this i have an emotional attachment to seinfeld though like i feel good shows it's one of those shows where like things escalate and get worse and worse and he's stuck in that incredibly embarrassing scenario like like they're at the newsstand and his friend's father is like very old and in a wheelchair and he's like looking at the nudie mags and uh and larry's like why are you with the nudie mags don't you know about the internet he's like what

what about the internet he's like anything they've got here they've got on the internet and better he's like really yeah go check it out like the next next time he talks to his friend is like what did you tell pops he's He's at it all day now. We can't get him away from the computer. Larry's like, I just wanted to save him some money. Well, yeah, fuck that up because now he's in those chat rooms paying the girls.

I'm so sorry. That story keeps escalating. It's real funny shit. Curve is really good. I watched two or three. I never actually fully got into it i was like the first two and a half seasons really enjoyed it but just it just didn't catch i don't know what it was his manager is like his best friend and uh this season they've been doing kind of a me too thing

or at least mocking me too to some degree and there's a part where like women are confusing his manager jeff green with harvey weinstein because they look a little bit alike yeah they do and so larry's already got this sort of quasi sexual harassment thing going on with his uh with his secretary and she's like and you're friends with him i should have known there's a part where they're sitting there eating coffee and someone's like you piece of shit how dare you even show your face here he's like what i i know everyone knows about you weinstein he's like no no no larry's like this is my manager this is jeff green she's like oh oh oh okay sorry and so he's just super paranoid now because he's realizing god damn it i do look like weinstein he's got to

lose some weight yeah do those weinstein. He's got to lose some weight. Do those Weinstein clips of him pretending to need a walker to try and garner even a tiny bit of sympathy for what a trash person he is. It's like, dude, go fuck yourself. But Kyle, you're talking about witchcraft. I had a bunch of Twitter friends link me weird-ass subreddits

to laugh at and make fun of. And one of the ones they linked me was witchcraft. And these people are ridiculous. There are 123,000, what I assume to be women who believe themselves to be witches on here. And one of the top posts that I linked was literally never wanted one, but I found this on a walk across a bridge in Georgia. And even my husband said,

that's not a stick. That's a wand fits my hand perfectly somehow. And it's a photo of this bitch holding a stick. She's Hermione. She wants, she's her. That's amazing. Look at that.

First of all, how do you not realize your husband's making fun of you? That's not a stick. That's a wand, Harry. No, that's fucking ridiculous. And then they have like unironic posts here like, well, I finally did it. I was so upset with my ex that I cast my first hex. And then people will respond and be like, this is a great power not to be trifled with,

but I'm happy that you took down that abusive bastard. And it's like, you people are fucking retards. Let me read this one. Cast my first real hex. This is 16 hours ago, by the way. This is an active subreddit. Released all the things I held inside, everything I bound and held inside. Someone threatened to kill me in earnest. and I've spent the week afraid.

So I said, fuck it. If not now, then when? He has sexually assaulted girls around me, and he is an old man that lives next door. Tried breaking into my room to hurt me. Now my candles won't stop flickering and spinning. My first earnest hex. Lights stop flickering and spinning my first earnest hex lights are flickering too maybe there's a rare case when a hex isn't wrong this man smells of evil his aura sickens me and when i tried to ignore him he entered my space and threatened me we will see how this goes. Gosh, dude. And look, this

serious comment with 114 upvotes says, hexing isn't any more wrong than any other type of magic. Hey, they're right. Sometimes it's necessary for self-protection. And so I challenged the entire Witchcraft

subreddit to a battle of magic. And I asked someone out there on our team, we need to start the R slash wizards for a while. Warlocks. Yes. That's cooler. Our end wizards is probably taken R slash warlocks. And the whole theme of that subreddit is going to be mocking how women don't have a full understanding of the magic.

That's what we need to do. You better be careful. You're going to get a lot of hexes on you. You're going to get a lot of hexes. I'm just saying, if you don't believe in it or whatever. He invited demons into his soul multiple times. I've brought witness

to it. And I fought them back. How did you do that? With. How did you do that? With what magic did you do that? No, it was literally a joke. It was a couple years ago. I was watching The Conjuring with my girlfriend. Tell that to the morning star. Yeah, to the morning star.

And we were watching that. And my girlfriend believes in demons and all that stuff. And I don't. And I thought it was funny as we were watching it to be like, Satan, come into my heart use me as your vessel use me as you will deliver your will to this earth using me like saying that like something really and like i thought it was hilarious and she was like stop stop that don't ever man if you just had some alka-seltzers to like your mouth. She goes, but then she goes

a step too far and fucking plunges a knife in your chest. Your mortal weapons are no match. Really, you know, I'm in the hospital later. I was just committing to the bit. You know, later this week, Taylor, if you trip and fall and you

accidentally hit your neck on a piece of glass that's sitting on the ground or something, you're going to know what happened. I was wrong about witchery. You got hexed. You got hexed. That was so many of them. They sent me... I went to gang r slash gang

stalking and oh that one what's that it ended up being more sad yeah we talked about on the show i i forgot about we talked about on the show until i looked there again it's basically people who are who have genuine mental illness yeah saying like hey, I was out at the supermarket today and I saw a bunch of red cars. You know, they're always in red cars. And I was walking through the gluten free aisle and someone behind me said something that I said exactly just a couple weeks prior. And they're mocking me. They know that I know that they're watching and they still come after me they're conspiracy theorists no they believe that there are huge groups of a government

agency that are trailing them in a very clandestine way and so they will say things like and then it's just a feedback loop in this community like every once in a while like a big post comes through of like hey guys please get yourself checked out for schizophrenia. This is not normal. There are not people following you. You're losing your mind. There are videos of it. The lady's like, I'm being gang stalked right now. Look at this. It's so funny. She's like, I see him here every day coming down this street. And you look and it's the mailman. Oh no. She approaches the mailman who's in that stupid fucking mail truck.

Why do we still have those stupid fucking mail trucks? And she screams at him. Stop following me. And he's like, what the fuck is your problem? What's wrong with mail trucks? This is insane. They've been driving the same trucks since like 1950. I feel like the mail is one of the more frugal government organizations

I can think of. It cannot be. The cheapest way to run the mail cannot be to maintain a fleet of 1950s mail vans. I feel like that's frugality. If Jeff Bezos

thought that was the way to go, he'd have a bunch of those bitches riding around. Instead, he got big-ass vans that say Amazon in the back. There's a whole conspiracy behind why they're in those vans. Let me look this up. Kyle, you're getting gang-stalked, aren't you? You're getting gang-stalked by the mail. I knew it.

I knew it. I'm reading the How to Protect Yourself from Gang-Stalking thread. That's at the top of the gang stalking uh subreddit and it's yeah the in bold the enemy is a coward the enemy is a deceiver the enemy is diabolical the enemy is the corrupt this is insane psychiatry is an apparatus of abuse i feel really bad i feel really bad for them actually because i'm yeah yeah it's like it's a genuine mental illness like some sort of paranoid psychosis and so this is i'm just happy there are people on earth that are that funny yeah it is pretty funny yeah those are good videos on

youtube anybody who hasn't watched where like they'll sit that was one with the guys pointing around look at all these red cars it's like it's just a red car why are you parked next to so many red cars he's like pointing at some like old lady he's like yeah you think i don't know who you are you think i don't know and then like gets out of the car walks over what are you doing ma'am oh just just shopping just shopping i please please i'm just trying to put my groceries in yeah in your red subaru huh like that what a bummer yeah that that part's kind of sad witchcraft i was having more fun making fun of here was this got 1400 upvotes on the witchcraft subreddit my sister nine years old is already a powerful witch. She saw me studying

for a very difficult calculus test. And when I saw and when I said it would be tough, she gave me her lucky pencil and told me to use it on the test. And I do well. I thought it was so cute. I used it through the whole test, except for the last two questions. It has an enormous watermelon shaped eraser on the back that made it cumbersome to work with. So I got my test back and those were the only two questions I lost points on fast forward. I was helping her clean her room and came across a book of spells, including one for enchanting her pencil. Incredible.

And people are supporting this. There's something about amazing kids and their intuition. This is so cool. Keep encouraging her. She's going to go far. What was the grade? What's that? What was the grade?

I want to know what the grade was on that test. Because she didn't even say. She just said I did well, right? Yeah, probably still shitty. Probably not good. Yeah, what was it? It wasn't magic enough of a pencil. She would have said like a 98% or something.

Right? She could have had three questions. It was a three-question test, and I only got the last two wrong. Fucking idiot. I once did a spell when I was seven out of spite on a tire and that tire later ran over some nails. Children are powerful and they don't even know

it. I made a love potion out of all the good smelling soaps and stuff in my bathroom when I was a kid. I used it on myself as a test and damn, I genuinely liked the person I saw in the mirror. Too bad I don't remember what was in it yeah it was probably fucking a bath bomb and some uh warm vanilla sugar man did i get a rash

none of them were like that it was a hex the whole time like none of them were failures that's what's interesting like nobody's spells are going awry or are just not working it's just just that happened all the time in buffy the vampire slayer it was willow was fucking shit up left and right constantly fucking spells up like all the time and i feel like that's what you do if you're a witch nobody on this on this forum is going man it sucks because i had such an interest in witchcraft and i don't have the gift i had such a hard time buying Xander as the nerdy doofus, though. Dude's like six foot four and handsome and he's supposed to be the nerd of the group. He got too big and also abused his girlfriend in real life.

And yeah, he definitely was not a nerd. Well, I bet he could handle her easily. Big boy. Yeah, big dude. Towered over everyone else. And a little message to the listeners out there. If you're going to be silly on Reddit with the forums we talk about, you got to be tactful. You got to be tactful.

You got to keep it going. Because the r slash telekinesis top rated post is still this one about a connection between physical traits and mental ability and it's do you think there's any connection between the size of someone's skull and their ability to perform telekinesis my uncle taylor has a way above average skull both in thickness and girth and he tells me he's able to move cheez-its is this crazy or is there maybe a connection 77 upvotes. Talking about me moving Cheez-Its with my dumb ass giant head. That's an example of a perfectly orchestrated troll post.

Okay. It wasn't over the top. It wasn't ridiculous. And it's referential. He's got two different references in there. Right? Taylor's love of Cheez-Its and his big-ass head. All right, that is a 9.9 out of 10 judges' scorecards.

That was excellent. Do what Max did. Make it funny but believable enough that these people fall for it. Tell them about a hex that you put on someone that made them an alcoholic or tell them about something like that. Talk about some magic that you did to come up with a nice reference. One of you get in there and say, I had no idea how powerful I was in 2016. At the time I was a Hillary person. And so I used a hex on the DNC to screw Bernie over. And to this day,

dnc to screw bernie over and to this day i regret it is there any way i can reverse this wizardry something like that yeah that shit oh there's so many possibilities or maybe a love potion that like is all right serious question here what do you do you know if wings is getting married i saw him say that he was engaged he made several references to her um he said that people are all up in his business and want to know about his fiancee but uh you know he doesn't want to share too much this guy was catfished like two months ago six weeks ago how long ago was that two months ago yeah wait wait wait hold on so he was catfish i don't know i don't know who you're talking about but he was catfish so the relevance of the catfishing is that we know he was single two months ago got it okay and so he just met somebody

and he's already engaged yeah yeah and i i don't know Wings' commitment to truth is fleeting sometimes. And what a nice way to say that. That's a really nice way to say it, yeah. So, like, I don't know what to make of this. Maybe you would be a good politician. Too many quotes from this show. Not anymore. My commitment to fidelity has at times been fleeting.

quotes from this show. Not anymore. My commitment to fidelity has at times been fleeting. It's amazing to me. I've heard it described as a Chuck and Larry type situation. Maybe he's getting married for a reason other than true love. I don't know.

People get married for lots of different reasons. I mean, like they get married for, you know, safety and security and maybe for tax breaks and for green cards. And it's one of those things that doesn't always have to be only about love. Unfortunately. Yeah, he hasn't been lucky in love,

you know, for most of his life. So I take that and look at it through a different lens right like maybe here's a guy who when uh something good comes along is more apt to lock in than someone who feels like he could get another girl tomorrow would uh would you go to the wedding yes yes i would wear my best dungarees maybe overalls whatever fits no no i would go to i would i would i i think i would go i think i would go i'm curious i want to know i'm not allowed to leave the state but will you will you take a camera you're like oh i'd love to but I'm stuck here. Welcome to you.

No, I'm actually, I'm going back to jail. Hypothetically, would you go, Kyle? That's a no. No, no, I'm thinking, I'm thinking like. You want to go? I'm considering if I would actually go. Like, because it's a bit of a hassle, right? It's eight hours drive.

How long have you known this guy? Ten years. Oh, wow. Okay. So he's an old friend of yours. Ish. I'm not completely over that. I don't know him the way those two do. There was another YouTuber attacking my son and Wings took his side.

And I don't know that I'll ever fully get over that. Yeah, I have a special needs son. And that guy was, you know, he uploaded a video where his friend called him a fucking faggot and worse. And Wings took that guy's side. And I'm never going to be all the way over it. Wings canceled a camping trip. You think that's me? I was going

camping one time and wings didn't show can you believe it wow that's uh yeah i mean no so you would go what do you go to the wedding huh i i'm very curious you you have to know wings woody would stand when they asked that question. Right, right, right. I object. These two should not be wed. I do. Part one. Part one of five. Yeah, his superpowers that regardless of what he's done,

somehow you still hope things start turning around for him. Honestly, I think that reflects positively on you, Woody. On all three of us. That's true. And by proxy. You guys want the best for him, so that sounds really nice.

You could say that about Kyle, but you could say anything about Kyle. You could say Kyle can fly Or he has laser beam eyes Kyle's never been to prison Or he's a witch Or he could do hexes That's what you need to do Kyle

Send a hex his way I just did it To get all sorts of evil Any evil intent out of it Make sure it's a pure wedding. Because these witches say that witchery is for good. You know how I feel about weddings. Witchery has to do with personal gain.

It probably has nothing to do with it. No, I would go to the wedding if it were feasible. Yeah, I would go. Because I think it's going to be... I feel like you and I would get back to the hotel room and we could have some good talks about what we had just witnessed. You and I went to Joe Lozon's wedding and we got out and I think we both were like, hey, that was pretty nice, huh? Yeah,

food was good. All those people were there. What's the guy's name that made Joe Lozon cry? Black guy, Bert from the UFC. Bert, I forget his last name. name that made Joe Lozon cry? Black guy? Bert? From the UFC, Bert? I forget his last name. He's the guy who checks on the fighters and makes sure they're doing the right thing or something, like on game day. He meant a lot for Joe.

So Joe Lozon is a UFC fighter. Oh yeah, I know exactly who. I don't know if I've met him, but I know who he is. Well, the UFC used to have this guy who kind of took care of the fighters before and after the fight, made sure that beforehand they had everything they needed, and afterhand they had all the care they needed, right? Like they could be injured. And this guy meant a lot to Joe.

He would also hype him up, and Joe was really receptive to it. And he didn't know, but they got him to the wedding. receptive to it and uh he didn't know but they got him to the wedding and he gave a modified version of his pre-fight speech that applied to marriage and uh it was pretty neat it was almost like a song parody like but for have you taken any aspirin but like a marriage a marriage hype up thing and uh that's really nice yeah it brought you Joe to tears and that doesn't happen much. Check your nails. All right, good. Cup. Yep, yep. But yeah, what I was getting at is like, you know,

take that experience and go to the other end of the spectrum and that's what you get. Because Joe had a very, I think it's a northern thing. I'm not saying that southern weddings are classless, but I think that Joe's wedding seemed like it was a six-figure or more wedding. It seemed expensive. Yeah, he's from Massachusetts, and they do weddings nice there.

Yeah, it was like that's an extremely expensive wedding. I'm not accustomed to that sort of thing down here, but I'll tell you who's even less accustomed to it. And that's the good folks of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. So when we, I mean, I'm sure the after party would be at Buffalo Wild Wings. But I'm not sure that the wedding itself won't be in the parking lot.

I'm not sure the girls are real life human. Like this whole thing could be... A demon? Bad forephrasing. This whole thing could be false. She could be a Russian bride. All right, let's take bets here. My bet is real human, wedding will not happen.

These are the two binary decisions two. This is the two binary Decisions essentially unless you can think of some direct other direction this could go Taylor is it a real human and and second question will the wedding happen if it is indeed a real human or I Sport I suppose it gets the wedding could still technically happen or he could claim it happened Even if it isn't a real human the other day, is it a love marriage is the other thing or is it like a green card marriage or something it is a desperation marriage it is his greatest dream to be all right so so getting beyond jokes and stuff you know he grew up without his dad right so he's got this he never really had an archetype for a male role modeling and so he has his own idea of what it means to be a man. And some of it's right. And some of it, you kind of roll your eyes at because he wants to be handy

and he wants to be a truck guy and he wants to be big and strong. And, and there's all these things. And part of that is wife and kids, big part of that. He thinks that being a man means having wife and kids. And he has long talked about his dream of being married and having kids and how he thought he'd already be there by now. And so if he found someone who is in a similar mindset, then I could easily see it playing out with him saying, you know, I'm looking to get, I'm looking, are you looking for something serious? You know, and him being like, oh yeah, I want to get married. And her saying, really? Well, i wouldn't be

opposed to the idea and like really what you'd like to get married yeah to me yeah are you proposing right now yes i am and you think they followed more tea please yeah yeah tea's all well well, one T Yeah No, I think it could easily go down that quickly Like if it just like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom And engaged And then I think your initial call is correct I think she's real

And I don't think that a wedding will happen Like that's where I'm coming down on the, as far as I guess. I think, okay. No, no, please, I'll go. Okay, so. I'll go again, I'll go again. So I've had this conversation with a number of women

over my dating career and it inevitably results in the same result, which is you have the conversation and this is like early on in a relationship. It's always like the first month or so and i'm generally the serious type of guy like i'm a monogamous syrian monogamous so um when i'm dating somebody i'm like oh yeah like i definitely want to try and i definitely want to try and uh you know just make this a serious relationship see where it's going to go i I kind of want a future. And whenever you say that, usually the people that I would meet would go,

oh, really? Well, I'm also looking for that. And then you have this conversation and then you both sort of, like you said, you reach that impasse where you go, well, I could get married. Well, I could get married. And then we both look at each other and go,

let's wait a few months. That's usually where we would land. We usually go, ah, you know what? Let's just wait a few months that's usually that would usually where we would land we usually go ah you know what let's just wait a few months and see like let things play out and that's what we always did and then of course after a few months let's make sure that actually is an ingrown hair because yeah exactly and eventually that's not by the way that's a that's a real nasty one yeah don't worry i got some pills for it don't you hate when your ingrown hairs get large scabs all over them and they look like chicken pox and a disease um but after three months or so you know we go oh well we weren't compatible we move on whatever uh you think he's the kind of guy who just doubled down on it

absolutely let's do it let's absolutely okay i think it's not a real person i think that it's a story he told on twitch and uh it was just a way of him kind of broadcasting a level of success that he's not having right now. Wow. Well, I'm glad we all didn't have the same prediction. Me too. Time will tell. And you want to put some money on this. How about, you know, like five bucks per A and B?

You know, a total of ten. Like the most... But I think that we half agree that the marriage won't happen. Yes, exactly. That's why I put it this way. So the marriage won't happen. It's just why. Yes, exactly. That's why I put it this way. So the one $5 bet would cancel out, and then you would owe me $5 if she is real. Right.

But only if we definitively find out. So I don't want to predict. So it may be a... Right, it could just get all nullified. I don't know this person at all but I'll put it this way if they get married and they can prove it you all have to pay me 10 bucks how about that

how about I make sure you get that smart mouth coupon counter offer counter offer a $4 bottle of mouthwash I think that not only is she not real he will eventually take the side of saying that everyone was a sucker for believing it you know that they're that he fooled them all and oh that's not his style okay wow that would be it that's a that's

a ballsy move to lie to everybody and then be like suckers. Dude, he was single recently. That's what the catfish thing was. Somebody, I didn't like this one. I didn't like it either. Kyle and I saw it in private. We didn't mention it on the show. We thought it was harsh, but here I am. I guess I'm a dick.

He had a troll who found him on a dating site and for weeks, would you say it was four weeks maybe? One week, is it? I think it was two months. Okay. Okay. Oh my gosh. A meaningful period of time.

This guy used a fake picture of a different girl and fooled Wings into thinking that she really dug him. And Wings mentioned his girlfriend on the show a couple times and there were enough clues to realize it was this imaginary it was really a dude and uh yeah and like i said like romance hasn't been an area where he's thrived so it's just extra mean right like you probably know who this guy is um i do he's no uh he's he he's he streams on twitch and he's known for raging a lot um i think recently he's a big guy if i'm thinking of the same guy is it the guy that recently was like upset and was was telling his viewers it's gonna

be like 10 bucks an hour there you go yeah yeah that's what it was because i've never met him i don't know him um i know him quite well i i believe that i am the foremost wings of redemption expert in existence okay you have he has not been studied by anyone quite so qualified for quite so long in his existence okay no that might be true you'll be watching like a discovery channel thing and it's like this is dr uh stevenson he's an expert on this one of the gaza pyramids just one of them though he doesn't ask him ask him what the name is that's how real scientists work doesn't fucking know that's what kyle is with wings yeah okay yeah yeah when whenever they go to these specialists and stuff like i saw this guy talking about whether indiana jones was a good art archaeologist or not you know hypothetically real and they're like no doesn't make any sense

he's like he's into the holy grail and mayan temples and this he's like no no real archaeologists focus on one little thing there are scientists who only focus on the amount of radioactive element found in seashell fossils in one region of the world. Their focus is so narrow that they have devoted their entire career to like, okay, I'm only looking for fossilized seahorses with

radioactive elements in them that came from an asteroid strike. What's this, a triceratops horn? Get out of here. I'm looking for water bears in a peach tradition. Literally. I feel so blessed to live in a timeline where Kyle is that zoned in detail expert on Wings of Redemption.

Just on the one stream for Wings of Redemption. He lived with me for a month. Okay. Yeah. So I'm ground zero. I never doubted you. I never doubted you. I listened. I smelled. I was right there on the front lines.

Yeah, I never doubted you. A real saving private Ryan. It's the worst month I've ever had. And I've been to prison. For two months. Both of those were better than that one. If they said, look Kyle, you can go back

to the clink, do another month with snow, or Wings of Redemption's going to move into the bedroom right next to yours. Well, he won't be in prison, though, right? Alright, I'm going. I'm going. I've got a hankered for chili let's see the worst he was the worst roommate you've ever had uh i have only had well i've had a lot of female roommates but as far as dudes i've only had two others and those were when i was

like 19 20 years old yeah these two cool ass fucking Lithuanian dudes who were like 24. So they've got booze and marijuana and like 19-year-old me just like, you know, they're kind of showing me what to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, these guys have, you know, one of them's like a bartender at a really fancy restaurant. The other was my coworker selling cars. So like, we had an awesome time.

Love those guys to this day. I looked one of them up a little while ago he owns a business down in florida doing scuba tours i'm so happy for him it's out of that yeah i can't i got war stories from living with that man it was just it was just there were days when i just hid but the war stories are like he pees without closing the door like it's not he plays loud music all night all night late in the night like like and like i he's the bedroom next to me i moved bedrooms you did i moved bedrooms like like the room that i used to do pka from um back when it was like this of this little blue room

was like and like my basement was like 80 finished i just moved into that room i lived in that room during when wings was there like like i just moved into a like like there wasn't even a door on the closet like it was i was just like this is where i'm gonna live i'm on the opposite end of the house and a floor down like it was perfect perfect. I'm getting away from him. It was, uh, I don't know if you ever told this story, but me and my girlfriend went down to the basement while he was there.

And we, when we smoked some weed and I didn't want to smoke weed in front of wings. Cause you know, he's got a big mouth. He's, he's going to let it slip. Even if he doesn't, he won't mean to, but he's going to like say it accidentally.

You know, people are listening, right? Yeah. Okay. but he's going to say it accidentally. You know people are listening, right? Yeah. Weeks is going to let everyone know I smoke weed because he does shit like that. Yeah. Oh shit!

Are we still going? This is before my arrest. This is like four or five years ago or whatever. And so we go down to the basement and we smoke some weed and we come back upstairs and we're both real good and stoned. We sit on the couch and he's on the couch too.

He goes, and I'm thinking, oh shit, we're busted. He goes, somebody cooking collard greens? I smell collard greens. We look at each other like, this is the only human on the planet who doesn't know what marijuana smells like. It's so distinctive. I know. A skunk got hit by a car down the road.

He literally didn't know what marijuana smelled like. And we were just like, we started trying not to giggle. But I know we stink of it. We just smoked a couple of bowls. And you're stoned, so not giggling. And we're stoned and like it's pretty obvious i don't know i i'm not i'm not you can't really tell when i'm stoned i did this show for years stoned as fuck so stoned whoever said i want to go take a piss i was in the i was just outside the door i'm all glassy-eyed in here talking about rape.

No, I just had to pee again. I don't know. I don't think I've said anything bad about him at all. Really. Everything I've said is true. I find the marriage thing very interesting, though. And I would go to the marriage. And if he comes to Georgia, I suggest the marriage thing very interesting though and I would go to the marriage and if he comes to Georgia I suggest the Botanical Gardens

in Athens, Georgia If you do it in Georgia, Kyle will pay for it That's right $600 limit $5 a plate The Western Sizzlin' was having a special What do you want? You got your $5 fucking plate the western Sizzlin was having a special what do you want $5 fucking Popeyes box

actually if I went to a friend's wedding and they're like in lieu of this chicken dish that's been sitting out and not very good because they had to make 600 of them we got Popeyes boxes for everyone like I think that would be popular everybody's been drinking they're having a good time like when Trump had the football team and he got a mcdonald's

see that would be good too but only if he made sure they were hot yeah if they were hot all the ones that were under the heat lamps those were fine like the what was it like fucking burger king was sitting out just cold i like maybe it was chick-fil-a yeah i like fascinating that was cool oh it's funny i was just gonna say that like it was uh polarizing right all the people on the left were like oh my god can you believe how lame that is etc all the people on the right were like the government shut down this man improvised adapted overcame and you could view it any way you wanted to yep yep i just thought of it from the position of like if i were going to a reward ceremony and i just finished a real tough season and i'm kind of

breaking on my diet as an athlete i would be so much more stoked to walk into one of those things and see a bunch of spicy chicken sandwiches from chick-fil-a than like a grilled chicken uh parmesan well that's a bad example because i fucking love chicken if i was invited to the white house my ultimate dream would be that I got the White House experience and the White House chefs put together some sort of level of food that I don't normally get. That would be the ultimate dream. But if the government shut down and he makes it work anyway,

I'm appreciative. I would want to shit in the White House. Not like in the hallway, but like using the bathroom at the White House. Like a marble bust. I definitely would not be there. I would 100% masturbate in a bathroom in the White House, for sure. Definitely. This is why you're here.

High IQ. I would carve something under a table or something like that. Oh, that's a good idea, too. Yeah, carve a little message under there. Kyle was here. I've never been, Woody, to your something like that oh that's a good idea too yeah carve a little message under there yeah kyle was here i've never i've never been woody to your point i've never been to a place because like you know you go to a fancy restaurant or like a some sort of place like that and you get

the food and i've never had had the food there that was like this warrants the place that i'm in there's it's so rare that i that i feel that way about steakhouses though yeah yeah you know good steakhouses yeah like a manny's or uh cristos is that the one i went to i've um yeah like a real steakhouse they deliver they give it to me it's a piece of beef that looks too small and then by the time i eat it i'm very full like that if the waiter doesn't have that little metal thing he drags the crumbs away with, I'm not happy. That's right. Those are so cool. The scraper.

And they're talented with that. And he collects them in his hand. And I want to go eat it. Or I want to go, could I have those? That's like $9 worth of crumbs. We all know that, right? We call those mini croutons. Throw it out.

Hey, could you put those in a go box for me? It's a go satchel. No, no. I've got this little purse I wear around my neck. Here, here, here. Yeah. Put them in there. So this isn't really traditional with what we do with the crumbs. You fill them up. Now, as far as I can

tell, I'm the one sitting. You're the one standing. So give me the crumbs. God, you just gave me this flashback. That's nine grain wheat, bitch. That's how it was being at Fleming's in Houston with Jeremy. There's literally a blue lobster on the menu, which we ate. And there Jeremy was. What the hell is a blue lobster?

It's a lobster that's blue. Oh, you've never seen it? It's very rare. It's a very rare genetic mutation. It tastes the same, right? Ah, yeah, but it's huge. How big was it? I don't recall exactly.

I would guesstimate four or five pounds or something. It was a real. It was like it was 100 feet. I a hundred feet if it was worth it. I'll explain, the reason I asked that question, I'll explain when you're done with your story. It was like a $200 lobster. Like, I don't know, me and a friend, we were like, got our steaks,

and then someone, she mentioned, and we have a blue lobster. I was like, what do you mean a blue lobster? We have the one. And I was like, you have one blue lobster. How much is it? $195. And I was like, wow. I will have a the one. I was like, you have one blue lobster. How much is it? $195. I was like, I will have a red one.

I was like, bring that motherfucker out. Today is his day. They did. We split it. We fucking ate that bitch. Was it good? Lobster's lobster. I like lobster.

The bigger they are, the worse they taste. I was going to say that. I've never had a blue lobster it's true i had um the bigger they are the worse they taste i was gonna say that yeah i've never had a blue lobster but i've had a big one and uh it was dry that's more sinew they feed it only sugar shrimp i don't believe you are you making that up there's no such thing as sugar shrimp i was like what do i have a little sugar shrimp is i uh we have an idiot there's a. There's a restaurant in Boston that, I forget the fucking name of it, it serves a 40 to 50 pound lobster that you can,

it's literally a giant lobster that they catch and then serve one day. Do they let you fight it first? No. Pretty soon they're going to find out that this is a Labrador with a shell taped to it. It was fucking massive and we ate it with another huge

family because this family friend of mine called me he's like hey my family and I go to this Boston restaurant do you want to come and eat the 50 pound lobster with us and we were like well yeah we do of course so we go and we go and sit down at this place and they bring the lobster and it's literally the size of the table and then people just start splitting it apart and eating it it's

terrible it was disgusting because like you said woody 50 pounds is like i guess the larger a lobster the worse it becomes which i didn't know because i never eat lobster but it was it was it was just disgusting to see a bunch of people tear apart this 50 pound it probably should have just lived in the bottom of the ocean forever. We should have just let the thing live. Just eat crabs. Crabs are so much better than lobster anyway. They're essentially immortal. They don't die. They are.

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Look like a pussy-getting machine, you know? Do you know who wears nice sneakers matthew mcconaughey does he yeah he looks like a barefoot guy to me or sandals at the most oh wow man you're really misunderstanding my vibe that's kind of what he sounds like a little bit i missed it but that's okay so make sure i don't i think you're thinking of um oh no i'm doing owen wilson wow you're thinking looked the same to me. Yeah. Matthew McConaughey's got it. Matthew McConaughey's a little more like this. He's easy to fade into Bill Clinton if you go a little lower down here.

Bill would never drive a Lincoln. Bill wouldn't drive a Lincoln. There's not enough room back there for a couple eight-year-olds tied together with zip ties. There's just not enough room. They're going to kick the back of your nice-ass seats, get their little fucking Oshkosh bagash prints all over your corinthian leather and nothing pisses me off more than my corinthian leather i have a little ass shoe prints up there fbi sees that

they know exactly what's going on i can only say that it's my daughter's birthday party so many times chelsea's fucking 40 something years old god that bitch is ugly. I had to special order my Lincoln without the little safety latch in the trunk. I bought my Lincoln with automatic and irreversible child locks. That's the way I got mine on there. Is this still the ad read? What did I walk into? No, no, we're doing Bill Clinton's pedophilia hour.

Bill Clinton molesting kids. Did Bill Clinton molest children? We like to think he did. In this version of the show, he did. I mean, he went on Rape Island a few times, and what do you do there? You're certainly not playing croquet over there. Yeah.

I mean, maybe you do play croquet there. You might. That would be the lamest thing ever if you feel like, oh, Epstein's Rape Island. Here's aerial footage of them playing beach volleyball. Fuck. I mean, that's probably, you got to do other stuff besides the worst thing on the island, right? Well, you wake up in the morning

and they've got a strict 9 p.m. breakfast ends. And then it's a four-hour raping period. And then you got lunch. And then yet another four-hour raping period. Then you got lunch. Then yet another four-hour rape marathon. Then you hop back on your friend. You know what we got to do there first? I saw Inception six months before it came out.

Now, that made a bigger impact on me than any of those little kids I raped. I couldn't believe that they jumped into that fifth dream. I was sitting there high as a kite going, what the fuck? I thought when they jumped in that fourth one, it's was sitting there what the fuck you know i thought when they jumped in that fourth one it's like this is low as you can go bitch there's no way you're getting lower than this then they jump into the fifth man thank god that bitch wife of mine wasn't

there would have ruined my buzz but man leo he joined us at the island later it was tight oh don't drag leo into this yeah it was bill Bill Clinton was a friend of Epstein's, is that? Yeah. That's right. He was on the right file. Every rich person on earth, it seems, and every important politician was a good buddy of Epstein's. And it's just like Harvey Weinstein, where a lot of people just sort of ignored the fact that he was doing terrible shit. It was like, yeah, he's rich, whatever.

And then when he gets found out, everybody bails. Yeah. And it's only when he gets found out everybody bails yeah and it's only when the public found out you know like they knew on their own they're like hey this guy's uh making people blow them to get rolls and they're like yeah that's pretty fucked up but i also want to be in the hunger game so i'm not going to say anything yeah you know that's it's the way you heard the uh famous story about Brad Pitt now, right? Where? Threatening.

I haven't. No. Yeah, that's. Oh, so the story. Was it Angelina Jolie at the time, Kyle? No, it was the lady who does goop. Oh, Gwyneth Paltrow. That's right.

So Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow were dating. This was back in like 1990. Like when Seven came out. Yeah. Yeah, it was a long time ago and and basically Weinstein made a move on Gwyneth Paltrow basically you know trying to get her to get a role and

was trying to do the whole sex for sex for work type thing and Brad Pitt found out about it and charged into Weinstein's office and like slammed him against the wall and grabbed his neck and was like don't ever touch her again this This was back in 1993. Or I'll kill you.

Yeah, or he threatened to kill him. And everybody sort of was like, which is fucking awesome, by the way. Yeah, death threats. Well, I mean, it's one of those things that I mean, I was I put myself in Brad Pitt's position. If somebody did this to my Beyonce girlfriend

wife, I would do exactly the same thing. I mean, I'd go to them and be like, and I'd be very cold about it. And now you look back and you're like, holy shit, Brad Pitt's a fucking superhero. I love that. I would have burst in there and been like, Harvey, are you

still casting? Because I'll do more for you. I'll do whatever it takes. I'll do whatever it takes i'll do whatever it takes to be the guy in seven that falls it dies in the fucking what is it soup on his counter oh yeah attorney god that movie's so good i am do a rewatch of that film it's so good movie it's a good fucking movie speaking of good movies that i know you haven't seen yet kyle uh parasite you may have seen it uh parasite yeah i. Yeah, I watched it last night. I bought it on Amazon.

And something I like about these subtitle movies is that it totally prevents you from like... If I'm watching a normal movie, I'll hop on and read something about hockey or some sports articles or look at scores. You can't do that. If you look down for two seconds, you're like,

oh, wow. It's like, oh, like oh fuck well i'm fucking gone i need to rewind and so i watched the whole fucking thing and first of all i thought it was going to be like a spooky scary movie scarier than it was all not even based on the description if i would have read the description and like internalized it i would realize i was being stupid by assuming that but just based on the the name youasite sounds like a spooky film. It sounds like zombies or something. It was a thriller. But man, that was a really good movie. I would still rank it in my tier

of movies of the year. I'd put Joker above it. Joker's still my favorite of the year, but Parasite was fucking great. I really enjoyed it. I've not seen Joker, but I really liked Parasite. It's funny because I liked Parasite and I don't know I don't know if I want to talk

you don't want to talk about this movie too much because it'll spoil it we can do here if anybody's listening right now or watching and you haven't seen Parasite yet jump a few minutes ahead the timeline will be in the description so if you continue listening from this point on

it's going to get spoiled a little bit oh we're losing Kyle? he's got to go uh shmeokaboo well apparently because he doesn't show um what do you have you have you seen paris i guess no do you have to read the whole thing it's captions um it's all it's all captioned so the first half of the movie like i i caught on really quick to the first half of the movie and i was like oh this is great i kind of i really like this and I really like the feeling of it just being sort of a comedy and sort of funny. It's sad, but also it's a tragic

comedy. And then at the last, what is it, 20 minutes of the film, 30 minutes of the film, it just takes a huge turn. And it's completely out of the blue. I love that. I thought it was really great, but I don't know that I want to watch it again. I don't know that I want to go back and watch it again.

I think it's probably a one-off movie for me. Yeah, it was great. Especially because I paid so much attention the first time because of the subtitles. But yeah, that movie gets real in the last 20, 25 minutes. It gets real, real good. But it's good the whole time through it, too. The little story arcs and structures. And I don't know what it is

other than maybe it's just different kind of pacing and acting than you see in Western films. But it was a refreshing difference to what we see in movies. It just felt different. It does. And that's actually I would probably credit that to the director Bong Joon-ho.

Have you ever seen a movie called The Host? That sounds really familiar The Host he did this years ago It's a monster movie but it's a really interesting monster Movie And there's something there's that very Same tone in The Host that there is in Parasite that you don't understand why

It feels the way it does but it feels Good and it feels different But it's unique but familiar and in my opinion that's basically the best sort of media you can watch which is something that feels uh new but you can still identify with it um and that's what that's what that director's best at so unique but familiar that's a good way to put it yeah yeah uh we didn't really spoil anything which is which is good but you should check it out i know were you on the fence because of the subtitles being like i don't want to sit there

and have to read a two hour and 20 minute movie a little bit i know i feel like it makes me sound dumb but it's just like a higher level of commitment than another movie it is i was saying while you were gone it made me enjoy it more because instead of watching a movie the way i do now like i was totally invested. One eye on Reddit, one eye on the movie. If I'm watching some other movie on Netflix and I have to get up and go pee, I'll probably just turn the volume up a little bit

and go pee and just hear it. I had to pause every time or if I had to let the fucking dogs out, which I'm going to have to do that again soon so they don't shit in my house. They've been on such a good streak. But my girlfriend is asleep and she is not watching them. And I hear them doing that dog like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh probably been a good time shitting too you know nothing's wafted in yet but yeah i thought that was a really really good movie i enjoyed parasite a lot i'd recommend that to people have you uh kicked off more of outsider woody i think i'm on episode i have to watch five i've seen four okay where i am yeah outside is really good too if you haven't seen that i haven't i

haven't done at all and i've heard i've heard great things about it. But what's it about in a couple of paragraphs? Basically, it's a murder mystery of sorts where they're trying to solve something. But none of the information and clues that they're getting are lining up with what they would expect from a traditional murder trial and it's like the physical evidence is being counteracted by similarly strong physical evidence until they have to start to consider like hey is there maybe something not so natural in the first episode i don't think it's too much of a spoiler talk about episode one there's 10 um there's a guy he's a great guy he's a little league baseball coach and he's accused of murdering this kid and they have him dead to rights his dna is on it his uh two witnesses cameras everything this guy did it and then they also have video evidence that he wasn't there he was 70 miles

away hundreds of people saw him and it explained that that. Huh. That's really interesting. Okay. All right. I'm in. I'm in. Because HBO almost never makes bad stuff. Almost. I discovered this show the other day.

I've been in a real Stephen King kick since I got out of prison. I read a bunch of Stephen King in there. I guess I've always liked it. But some of the old movies are kind of cheesy. I have a hard time getting into Carrie. Like Pet Sematary. I have a hard time. Pet Sematary Pet Sematary. I have a hard time. Pet Sematary is super cheesy

if you go back and watch it, man. It is, yeah. It's pretty rough. I do, I wish I could do that main accent that that old guy does in the first one. But recently,

all the stuff I've watched has been really, really good. And this is no exception. This is one of my favorite shows on television right now, for sure. It's great. The acting is very good. I don't recognize...

I recognize a couple of the sporting actors, and obviously Jason Bateman. But it's one of those shows where it's making me fans of actors and actresses that I didn't know before. The, the black detective lady, I'm going to, I want to watch her in something else.

Now I want to see if she's real good. Yeah. She's, she's very cool. I love when she's, they sort of hire her to look into what the fuck's going on here. And she goes and she does a lot of detective work and she's um she's autistic she's on the spectrum somewhere but she she leans more toward the not great in social situations but

photographic memory doesn't do it justice like she's one of those people that could tell you like december 17th 1942 oh yeah that was a mond. She does building heights. She can look at a building and tell you within two or three feet how tall it is. Got it. If I had the option to pay $5 for that building, I wouldn't take it. Who fucking cares? Five bucks I'm in. I'll take it.

Five bucks, you're right. But if it was anything double digits money, I'm like nah, I'm going to get a burrito, bitch. I've got google but when she gives her she does her investigation then she gives this report to all the concerned parties and there's this

part where she's kind of giving these bullet points she's like he was here but he was here a person can't be in two places at the same time this happened and this happened a human being can't be in two places at the same time this happened and this happened a human being can exist in two places at the same time and it's just it's it's really good it's uh great acting all the way around there's not a bad actor in the show there's

there's not a part where you're like ah it's this guy's scene i hate this guy this guy's the worst it's it's it's always good stuff. I highly recommend it. I tell everybody I know. It's one season? I think it's going to be one and done. I could be wrong about that, but yeah, I think it's a mini series. I hope it is. I think shows are better that way

when they're just, they have this beginning and an end and they're not just milking it. Yeah, I would agree. It's like Chernobyl. You see Chernobylobyl i love chernobyl oh my gosh it was amazing yeah it was wild so good yeah um but on the other end of the spectrum i didn't care for watchman one bit i uh really i really despise watchman i'm a i'm a big fan of watchman i i don't read comics but but I find YouTube videos that they just flip the page of the comic. They don't flip the page, but they show the animation of the pages.

So it's not like a literal book they're flipping. It's more like they show the webcomic. That's what they do. And then a narrator reads it and he does voices. And so I'm into the comics. I love the movie. Even the crazy extended version, like eight inch soft dong and all.

But man, I just hated the miniseries. Really? And it is a miniseries, by the way, they canceled that bitch. That's right. Well,

it actually didn't cancel it. They said, uh, Linda loft, even Linda loft didn't want to do anymore. And so they're like, okay, no problem. I think they were saving face all around.

I think they told her, Hey, we should probably wrap this up. Why don't you say you're not interested in working with us anymore? I think that's what happened because the ratings were poor. And there were some critics who liked it, and there were some critics who hated it. And I was definitely on the side of really disliking a lot of the stuff they did. Like, I love the Ozzy.

I'm going to mispronounce his name. Ozzy Mandias. Oh, Ozzy Mandias. Yeah. Such a cool character. Smartest man in the world. And he's sort of reduced to this silliness. I don't know. I didn't like Captain Manhattan.

It was fine when he became a black man. I thought that was cool that he became someone to sort of have this like real world love affair a normal life yeah yeah but then when he turned back and he was still black he was still the black man but blue it just didn't make sense to me i guess yeah okay i don't know. I have no problem with... If he were a black character, I'd be fine with that. I don't like it when characters change races, I guess, sometimes.

And especially if there's an external source forcing that to happen. Yeah. I know that in Avengers End end game there's that character you know they all they go back in time to get all the infinity stones and there's that one uh bald lady right who has the the green stone that eventually ends up with the ancient one the ancient one is supposed to be a buddhist priest that's right. China does not like Buddhist priests. So they said, hey, that's not going to work for us.

You want to put your movie in China? Won't you rewrite that character? And so they did. They made it a Celtic female priest. I don't like that shit. Yeah, changing the source material. Yeah.

That's an example of them changing a character from Asian to white. And I don't like that. It has nothing to do with me being a white guy and wanting all the characters to be white or something. It's like, hey, it was written as this guy, and now it's that guy. Why do we need an alternate version? I got no problem with She-Hulk, which is about to happen. Because there's a comic about the She-Hulk.

It's fucking cool. But, you know, if you made the She-Hulk Asian, I'm going to be like, well, wait a minute. She might be. They're open to casting of all races on She-Hulk. Of course they are. Do you know who Christopher Hivju is? That sounds like a racial slur. HIV JU. No. his name is hiv jew but no it's not ew it's ju

but yes so you know him he's got red hair big bushy beard and he loved brianna tarth he is going to be in the next season of the witcher yeah oh really i'm pretty excited about that i don't i don't know The Witcher lore. I just like the TV show. Oh, the show is great. Yeah, the show is fucking awesome. Yeah. And he's going to play Nivellen.

N-I-V-E-L-L-E-N. I don't know The Witcher, but I guess it's a major role and he's in it. And I'm like, yeah, I'm glad this thing is getting momentum. It's something cool. Well, he's a great actor uh in game of thrones i thought he was always really charismatic and fun to watch but also that

witcher show so it sounds like you guys liked it too yeah i liked the show but i felt like it looked a little cheap especially for the budget that it had we discussed that a week or two ago um you know it's got it's 10 million bucks an episode which is right on par with game of thrones and i don't think it looks like think about how good the dragons look in Game of Thrones. Right. And then think about what that monster that he's fighting in the swamp at the very first scene of The Witcher. And it's like, I feel like we barely saw it. It's like you fought like a $50,000 monster.

And Daenerys has been riding around all season on a $2 million monster. I agree with you you got a Honda over on Netflix and a fucking Ferrari over there on HBO and I I don't get it um yeah how much were they paying Henry Cavill I guess is the real question I mean probably a pretty good amount I mean he earned in my 10 million dollars an episode I guess he earned every cent because uh like he's fantastic in the show he's excellent he's very good at it more plates more dates talked about henry cavill and because people were saying he was on steroids because he's so jacked and he was like huh

that's even i guess he looks like he works out but he's just fat and i'm like your standards are so high so what what a henry cavill from the witcher barely looks like he hits the gym to this dude he's looking through a warp lens well i mean like also henry cavill he he bulks like that's what he likes to do he bulks a lot um so i mean he can be fat in the sense that he can get larger but he he still looks fucking huge. Yeah, not so fat that he doesn't have a six-pack, right? No. This guy needs to be taught about what fat means.

I needed to do an episode on me. This guy's... I feel like he gives people a fair shake. What I always see him say is like, this guy is a.1% for the ever... if you're just walking the streets of the world now among competitive bodybuilders no this isn't gonna cut it so and he sort of frames it in those two sort of worlds

like like he'll often say that like oh yeah for an average for just a human man walking the street living in this world Wow yeah top of the heat but for those of us who are competitive at doing only one thing and that one thing is lifting weights and getting jacked as fuck nah he's not even super duper duper you know and much less uber super duper duper duper well i mean henry cobb is not a competitive body exactly but that's what i'm getting at like i feel like he phrases he like he's pretty fair to them but like because because the question because what what's being questioned is like is this guy natural or not you know and and what do you be like look yeah i'm sure you got a good pump before this and this is the one scene that people point to look he's flexing he's

doing this and that look i mean come on yeah you. You see this and you go to the gym, you're probably going to see a guy like this. Okay. All right. For me, Henry Cavill's like the... He's like the ideal man right now for generally just men because he's into pop

culture. He's a successful actor. He's really charismatic and he's fucking jacked. i there aren't many other guys like that that exist right now in show business sure um and i think he's right he's british yes he's definitely five stars i might be looking at through my own like distorted lens because i want to hear that they're on steroids uh chris evans is captain america right that's right yeah so he looks at chris Evans and says, he's not jacked. He's just fat.

He's not on steroids for sure. And I'm like, what? I would rather hear that that wasn't detainable and that this magnificent specimen you're looking at is what peak performance actually looks like. Right? That's what I want him to want to be told. So when he says Chris Evans is nothing special, a little bit fat maybe, and not on steroids, I'm like, ah, the bar is high.

Well, I know what you're saying because then it makes it feel like you can get there. But the truth is you can't because they spend six to eight hours a day for three months training. And then also they have all their meals prepared for them. And like, what if you can,

you can afford all of that, then sure. You can get to what, what they're, what they're looking at, but I don't know if that you could, that's their job, right?

They're getting paid to do that. And none of us are getting paid to do that. So, yeah, I mean, somebody makes my meals and I do have spare time. I'm just not that energetic. You kind of just said the wrong thing.

This is a man who could achieve all of those things. You just mentioned like, hey, none of us have five, six hours a day of free time and someone prepare their meals for them. Wait, does Woody Saludi has that? He has all those things? Yes. Only one person on this call other than you doesn't.

Yes! Well, then you gotta get jacked, man. The man works five hours a week. Yeah, you gotta get jacked. Yeah, just call it seven. Call it seven. Gotta get big. I can see Woody being like,

well, thinking like, hey, I'm editing up. All right, call it eight. Call it ten be like. Well, thinking like, Hey, I edit and upload. All right, call it eight. Call it 10, motherfucker. Yeah. Lots of free time. Kyle,

some of my weeks approach double digits. Hey, but my hobbies take up a lot of my time. What do you do? Just Google. Here's what you do. You Google the Witcher workout, right?

And then you, you go and start doing the Witcher workout. You do it four hours a day. Cause it sounds like you've got a few hours of the day. And in three months time, because, and you're, it sounds like your wife is also making your food for you.

Right. Is that right? So three months time, you're going to have that Henry Cavill body and play. And then more plates, more dates are going to call you fat. I dare to dream. That would be great.

It's going to be great. It's going to be great. More plates, more dates to call me fat yeah what an honor now you can tell this person although it hasn't given very good results he's on hgh look at the cranium now he's clearly must be a massive dose and he's getting borderline zero results from it. Other than the giant ass head. I think Rick and Morty is returning fairly soon. I think in March.

And also Ozark. Ozark, I think. Can't wait for Ozark. Another amazing Jason Bateman show. Yeah. Bateman directs the show we were discussing earlier the outsider oh i didn't know that yeah he also he also directs the ozark yeah talented man yeah i didn't know he directed ozark somehow looks 15 years old that's not true but he does look 22 like he doesn't age yeah that's right i'd say he looks

a solid 43 44 44. Really? How old is he actually? After I said that, I realized that in the Outsiders, he looked older. I would say he looks about 44. He looks very good. I'm looking forward to that stuff coming out.

Next month is a pretty good month of entertainment on the whole. A couple big UFC fights, obviously. I was mistaken a while back. I was talking about the Yoel Romero versus Adesanya fight and the Joanna. No, no, no, no. And the Rose. No, she's not fighting.

It's it's way lean or whatever fighting against Joanna. Want to be champion. no she's not fighting it's it's way lean or whatever fighting against um joanna uh wannabe champion and uh i i i picked the upsets in both matches uh the odds are pretty good if anybody wants to to bet on those and if you i'm not allowed to do that short thing you want to take a little advice from me are you allowed to bet on wings wedding yes i mean this is just a little friendly wager between friends. I can't go to some online website and put real cash money down or anything. But I definitely predict the upsets in both. I predict Yoel Romero beating up Adesanya,

and I predict Ioana retaking the belt, even though I don't care for her very much. I think that Wei Li, I think she's been quarantined because she's coming from China into the US. I'm pretty sure that's going to affect her training. And I don't see her pulling a victory out of this against Ioana, who's

only been defeated basically by Rose, and then when she tried to step up to 125 against the fucking Bullet, nobody beats the Bullet except for Amanda Nunez when the judges up you sound you sound unhappy about that we're gonna have i was yeah i'm a big i'm a big fan of hers a big fan of uh uh um what is there one whose nickname is the female assassin um no i not that i know of. I don't know

the fight names. Yeah, I found out today that Shevchenko is actually a competitive shooter. She's a good shot or whatever because I saw Rogan talking about how he had heard that she went and shot with some Special Forces guys and they were very impressed with her.

And then I read a comment and read it. They were like, yeah, of course she shoots. Well, she's first of all, there's, there's a reason she has a gun tattooed to her rib cage and she's called the

bullet. She's a competitive shooter. That's her thing. That's her, that's her hobby. She's pretty cool. And she's a, um,

I was going to call her an accomplished dancer. I don't know what level of dancer she was, but she's a ballerina. Well, she's never won a contest, Woody. What's that? She probably never won a contest. I won a contest. Oh, you're talking about me.

I took me so long to get that. I'm officially declaring this coronavirus thing horse shit at this point. It kills 1% of the people who get it. It's just very communicable. Fuck off with your next Ebola slash SARS slash swine flu scare news.

It says 6,700 people in California are quarantined. People are saying that the actual flu is way worse than coronavirus. It kills 1% of the people. The thing is, it's very communicable. It survives outside the host for three days or something. I don't fucking care. And I read that.

If I had it right now, I wouldn't even call in. I'd be, I'd be doing the show right now with the Corona virus. Like that's how deadly it is. Yeah. I'd need some Kleenex. I'd stop taking multivitamins and dare it.

If I had some Corona virus right here, I'd eat it. I might have it. If I had some coronavirus right here, I'd eat it. I might have it. Yeah, Woody's been coughing the entire podcast. I wonder if he actually has coronavirus. Kyle's a hypothetical do the show. Here I am, coronado. Just a few weeks from now, Kyle's somberly

starting the show. PKA 480. Taylor? Yeah, it's that in memorial one of us is dead lots of like fade in and out photos of woody smiling and giving thumbs up fucking doves flapping around and shit. Meanwhile, Kyle sues my estate for his $5 winnings on the wings of an Egyptian wedding.

That's right. That's right, Jackie. I would be needing those funds. And I'm charging interest, okay? Every day. Every day. Jackie, in 2016, I bet your husband and he were, if he were alive, he would say that it was not in jest.

$5,000 that he would die on the paramotor. And technically, the flu took him while in the air. So you need to sell your barn. Yeah, I think you're

probably right. It's definitely a little overblown. Or maybe it won't be maybe you'll be eating your words when it comes to atlanta and you're oh you're unable oh yeah home of the cdc quarantine whatever will atlanta do would they be magically cure it the quarantining is a big deal like it yeah i i can't dispute whether or not the virus is a big deal. I'm so uneducated. But something like 10% of the world's population

was quarantined last week. That's outrageous. Lack of information won't slow me down a bit, Woody. I'm telling you right now, there's nothing to this thing. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Unless you're 8 or 80, I think you're going to be just fine. Yeah, 8 or 80 is pretty much it. You can sweat it. Unless you're 8 or 80. Bruce, you're muted. I think you're going to be just fine.

Yeah, 8 or 80 is pretty much it. Yeah, your mic's just not working. I would unplug it and replug it. And then you probably got to go into Discord and fiddle with settings. Our high-tech solutions. Yeah. The NASA way. Tell you what, I love my cough button.

We'll let you know when we can hear you and it hasn't happened yet so many of the the reddits people gave me to look into have to do with like supernatural stuff there's one called dimension jumping there's a whole forum about it and it's about people who think that they can leap from their own lives into the life of themselves in an alternate reality under different circumstances. And one of the techniques that they use to achieve this dimensional jumping is called the two cup approach. And so what you do is you take cold water and two cups, a couple of pieces of paper and a pen, and you write on the piece of paper, whatever the status quo in your life is. So like mine would be Taylor owns zero Bitcoin.

And I would tape that to the cup. And then on the other piece of paper, I'd write, Taylor owns a thousand Bitcoin because he got into it in 2011. And then I'd tape that to the other cup. And I fill the initial status quo cup with water. I drink all that water. Or no, I pour that water from the original cup into the new cup and then drink it out of the new cup.

Is this from the Witchcraft subreddit? This is from a different and similar one. All right. Also huge groups and these people are even crazier than the witches because they will say things like i had it's like a like peter popoff kind of like evangelical shit almost where it's like you remember those commercials would be like pd pop off he sold me he sold me uh dasani water bottle that he blessed and i he told me he said

pour that all over your bills and then i did and then the next day they was gone those bills was paid they was gone it's like that except you drink water and these people are like i was uh i was i had high one exact example was like i had high blood pressure and i was worried about it and so instead of losing weight and eating better i wrote on the two cups that i had high blood pressure and I was worried about it. And so instead of losing weight and eating better, I wrote on the two cups that I wanted my blood pressure to go down. And then I went to the doctor the next day and I didn't even think that I had leapt dimensions. And then I talked to the doctor and he said, your blood pressure is down to 120. And he said, and I said, oh, it was at 155 before. And then my mom and my doctor looked at me puzzled.

And I said, look right here on the blood pressure medicine container. And then I looked and it said 130 was my starting amount. And so I had leapt into a reality where my blood pressure didn't get as bad. So what this is, is a misconstrued point of view of the way that quantum entanglement works, I believe. They were using silly shit like that on there too, yeah? No, it's a real thing that's theorized.

Well, which one is it? It's a real theory that a lot of astrophysicists support. And the idea is that there's a, there's even an app that'll do it for you. Uh,

stick with me here. It's, it's that the idea of making a binary decision creates an alternate, uh, reality in which the opposite was chosen. Um, are you talking about sliding, sliding doors with going to fall through?

No. Have you ever seen that movie? That's what it is. That's what that's interesting. are you talking about sliding doors with Gwyneth Paltrow no have you ever seen that movie that's what it is that's interesting I want to sell an app that pretends to do this I want to make an app that's just tinder for witches warlocks and you're getting very wet

I want to hear Kyle explain more about yeah I'm really struggling I've got a huge dick you've got a huge dick no I watched a video about this like last week I've been watching a lot of stuff about string theory and quantum physics and trying to

understand it as best as I can but the guy was explaining how this worked I watched this like seven days ago or something like that. I'm trying to look for exactly what the deal is. I'm along for the ride on this, Kyle, for sure, because I love to find out. Basically, there's a thing called, a long time ago, Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud did studies on- It's the many worlds interpretation. That's what this is called. It's an interpretation of quantum mechanics

that asserts that the universal wave function is objectively real and that there is no wave function collapse. It implies that all possible outcomes of a quantum measurement are physically realized in some world or universe. Yeah, it's that the answer is both yes and no. It's a bit like Schrodinger's Cat.

You know what it is? It's Avengers Endgame is what it is. When they go back in time, they change different timelines. They even show a little diagram in the movie where basically if you make a decision, it splits off and it forms its own timeline. So is that how this guy's would work? One of the top posts on this is is I think I died in 2012 and jumped the many worlds interpretation implies that there is a very

large perhaps infinite number of universes in which many it is one of many it is one of many multiverse hypotheses in physics and philosophy it views time as a mini branch tree wherein each possible quantum outcome is

realized. This is intended to resolve the correlation paradoxes of quantum theories, such as the EPR paradox and the Schrodinger's cat paradox. Uh, since every possible outcome of a quantum event existence on universe, it's, uh, it would,

and I think that the, um, the, the former is describing, um, how, uh, particles when observed will move one way and when not observed, we'll move another. the former is describing how particles when observed will move one way

and when not observed will move another. That's right. The real question is how do you go from one timeline to the other? You don't. That's nonsense. It sounds like you just drink that cup of water and you're there. I believe these 15,000 people in this community.

I think the actual astrophysicists who are theorizing this are suggesting that by having a choice, a binary choice between the two, that you've created a branch where you didn't choose A, you chose B. And so B has created its own branched off universe. But what happens if I go from B to A, Kyle? Yeah, what happens then?

What do you mean? Let's say I took, right, so I make the B decision, right? Yeah. And I'm going down that timeline, but I have a special power or a cup of water, let's say, that can take me back to A, and I can find out what's happening in A, and then choose to

stay there or not. I don't think that's a... That might be a real thing. That might be a real thing. You never know. The thing I'm describing is a theory, and I think what you're describing is a bunch of nonsense. It's a movie starring Glenn Pucho called Sliding Doors.

Called Gloop. Kyle, I found a perfect one for you that they linked me today as well. It's called Foreskin Restoration. All right. I thought you were going to say Fragile White Redditors. Okay, let's see what you got here. Foreskin Restoration. And then in the sidebar of it, here is a not safe for work.

You can't show this one to them, Woody, but it's pictures of guys stretching their dick skin out and showing their progress with getting more dick skin. No, I'm sorry. And, you know, I've said before, I think circumcision is wrong. I don't think it should be done. But come on now, guys. You're stretching your dick skin out that much?

Wait, how do they restore their foreskin? Apparently, they're just stretching their dicks. Yeah. I mean, based on the top all-time of restoring dicks, some of these... Go to the top all-time of the one I just linked to, the one with the not safe for work photos what is this one jesus christ i had to this guy clearly uses a device with a fuel filter

this stretches dick out stretching his dick skin let me see yeah what the hell is that that is a fuel filter i i see so many that's what that is what's going on on the inside there i i don't know it's a did he just pull his dick skin around the head of his dick and suction this on there i guess it appears to be a fuel filter some sort of uh vacuum line i hate this i knew you would that's why that's why i liked it i wouldn't do well as a uh make sure guy pees in the cup dude this is not your job jesus fucking christ i saw a bunch of people protesting uh circumcision the other day and they were all wearing pants with giant blood, white pants with giant blood stains on the crotch.

Wow, they ruined their pants. I want my foreskin back. Did you read the relationship advice post about the dude who's fiance demanded he get a circumcision? Yeah, I did. Come my way, lady. I don't have a nasty dick like your fucking husband does.

If I did, i'd cut it off for you because you're a queen i'd cut my dick skin off for you queen do you mean just the normal skin that's on your dick yeah so this guy had an uncircumcised normal about that a regular born with four-skinned dick and he's been with this girl for some amount of time. They're engaged. The marriage is coming up and she issues an ultimatum that he must remove his foreskin and be recovered by the wedding night.

That she doesn't want to be married to a person who's uncircumcised. Okay. And he goes to relationship advice and they say to get rid of her. I guess she has some pattern of like laying down ultimatums and things have to be her way or the highway.

And he dumped her. This seems like a... Based on these videos of guys tugging on their dick skin, this looks like a terrible process. And you deserve a non-disg disgusting penis in your life kyle are you asking this woman out right now dude i mean kyle's told me if there are two words to describe his penis it's not disgusting i have a very pretty penis and i know i bet you're telling me oh a little flub there you know don't even don't even slip huh check out this guy's dick

uh most recent link did his foreskin restoration turn into a micro penis oh it's tiny i was always tiny like like is that is does he have an erection on the right what a loser uh how's it standing up like that if he doesn't have a boner no you're looking down on it so it's kind of just sprung to the left a little they're talking about waiting their penis for eight hours a day or something like that people do that eight hours a day they pierce their four skin they pierce their four skin and then tie weights to it um so that then basically the weights just hangskin and then tie weights to it. So then basically the weights just hang off and then basically drag it out all day.

Doctor recommended. What the fuck is wrong with us? This seems like it takes eight hours a day and this guy says he's been doing it for 15 months. Do you have a job? He probably does it at work. He probably does it at work, right? Marcus, we've all noticed the weights and frankly the whole it department is upset he's just walking like this

into every meeting just his dick hanging down all his dick skin stretched out dude if you go to 15 all time you see a guy physically stretching his dick skin. This looks like just a terrible process. It doesn't seem worthwhile. There was an episode of Friends where Joey was a struggling actor. And he was trying out for this role where he was going to have to be fully nude. But it was a period piece. So the guy would be uncircumcised.

And so they were rigging up foreskin using lunch meat in the kitchen. They're like taking ham and wrapping it around his dick. And so he gets into the audition and he strips down naked and he's hands on his hips. He delivers the lines beautifully, eloquently. And all of a sudden you hear, he delivers the lines beautifully eloquently and all of a sudden you hear the like roly-poly of ham falls off his dick and like slice the three like people watching his audition go and like like follow it to the floor with their eyes and they're just like you have to go like uh

i think you might have yeah so I'm glad someone linked that one because I knew as soon as I saw that I'm like Kyle will hate this get out of here if I weren't circumcised I would do it as an adult can't hurt that much I wouldn't do it as an adult that sounds awful

I've heard that it hurts a lot when you're an adult. That's what I've heard. I've heard root canals hurt a lot. Guys, there's some pussies out there. That's true. You got me there. You got me there.

All right. But I also, but here's the thing, though, because I don't have foreskin either. I wish that I did. Or how about this? Hold on. How about if I go from one timeline to the other? Right? this hold on how about if i go from one timeline to the other right if i'm gonna start with a baby and then i get to find out what sex feels like on the b timeline which force you and then the a timeline then that way i could test it both with that cup i don't want i mean i mean like like

i don't want it to feel any better than it already does like like what do you what he's talked about this before how like like he. He's recommended condoms to people over and over. He's like, hey, you'll last a little longer. Especially young people, right? Don't put that out there into the zeitgeist. We're strongly anti-condom on this show.

You listen to Taylor all you want. Unless you want to ruin your sex. I've seen many men fall prey to this Taylorism that you're seeing work its dark magic on here. I'm not convinced he hasn't been cursed. All right? I have seen young, strong, virulent men. Men who went out and found different women every week if they wanted to,

or long-term girlfriends if they wanted to. Had all the free time to travel the country, be out when they wanted to be out. We're talking about Jeremy, aren't we? Jeremy's not the type to do any of this shit. Jeremy's a rotten mouth fucking hillbilly.

He's a strong, virulent man. I'm talking about people like Scott for example or a number of people that I grew up with, you know, went to high school with like a lot of the good looking fit guys. And it's like, oh, I think I'll go get married at 19 years old. That's smart, isn't it? Hey, I'm barely even have a fully developed brain. Let me just ruin my whole life. Trust me.

I'm almost 34 years old here. I have made the right decision in this regard. All right? You do not. I am responsible for nothing. Now, you may say, oh, but my life, I feel so unfulfilled. Do you know my kill death ratio is Tarkov, you pussies? Yeah.

And when you're old, that kill-death ratio will take care of you. I was going to say, you know, there's one thing I know about Tarkov. I love when they bring up that rationale. That's the greediest, most selfish reason for procreation and marriage. You just said you didn't want to do it, so you could do whatever you want all the time. Touche. You just said you wanted to do it so that somebody could be your servant

and nursemaid. I was making a joke about your... No, you weren't. You always bring that one up. You're literally afraid of being alone when you die. And, oh, somebody will have to look after me when I'm sick. I better lock somebody down for life.

I better get a full lifetime contract with somebody so they have watched enough videos of nursing homes where the fucking employees will just walk up and slap, slap, just right into some old fucking user's face for no reason. Newsflash. Taylor, I like it rough. I don't want to get in the middle of this. I don't want to get in the middle of this.

But I know one thing. No, I'm joking rough. I don't want to get in the middle of this. I don't want to get in the middle of this, but I know... They jumped! I know that the Tarkov kill-death ratio is not going to mean anything in five years. Because your kill-death ratio may mean more at another video game five years from now. Right, Kyle? Am I right about that? Well, that's what I call a joke.

But on a serious note, locking yourself down for life with one human being is absurd. I mean, is it? You wouldn't do that to a fucking car you liked. You wouldn't do it if you liked a car. You wouldn't do it with a pet or a house or any other thing. and all of those things

stay the same forever you can get a new fender you can get a new you can go to brick over the vinyl siding you can throw some new tits on your bitch a human being is just a degrading slab of meat that you gotta hear the same old stories from every year. I figured out. You think you're going to hear a new fucking anecdote from Becky after year five? No. You're just going to have to talk about your sitcoms you watched together. Oh, that was a funny one, wasn't it, Becky?

It sure was, Bill. I'm going to go to the bathroom. Now, I'm not saying marriage is bad for everyone and you shouldn't sign on board. What I'm saying is don't fucking sign on the dotted line at 19 years old or 20 years old. Wait till you're at least 60 65 no for real wait you're at least 25 ideally wait till 30 all right your brain isn't even your brain is literally not developed until you're like 25 26 years old that's just science it really isn't this is a really good it's good advice because I was married at 22.

How'd that go for you? I was married at 23 and I was married for two years. And my partner changed a ton. And I didn't. It didn't go well at all. We got a divorce. And that was one of those things that... That's why I'm saying this is good advice, I think, from Kyle.

Did you have to pay for her lawyer? No, not at all. It was a very amicable split. It was totally fine. He's on the good spectrum of things. The rest of you boys will probably be paying for her lawyer, too. Kyle's right about that. There could be a lot of problems.

I've gone through it. Totally right. It's great to wait. That could be your motto, Kyle. It's great to wait. It's great to wait. It's great to wait that's a that could be your motto kyle it's great to wait it's great to wait it's great it's never too late program it's never too late to wait how about that it's never too late to wait kyle um let me just pitch this let's say you want to have kids right you're going to be married to this let's say i want to be a dinosaur continue but you can imagine a world in which somebody wants to have kids not you but you know where we're giving

advice to a broad spectrum of people here now what she looks like for the rest of her life is different she bounces back at 25 in a way that she doesn't when this 37-year-old has kids. There's no need to marry a 30-year-old woman. It's like marrying a rotten apple. I mean, if you got a 1955 Chevrolet, you don't go and get a 1955 Fender to replace, though, when you get a new one that's just been printed off the line.

I'm totally with you here. That's a 2020 Fender for a 55 Chevy. So you wait until you're in your 30s, but she can be in her 20s. Or a teen. I mean, 19's a good year. You know, I'm thinking you could pop two out before you're allowed to drink. This is contradictory

advice, though, because you're saying wait until yourself until 30, but then you want to marry a woman who's 19. So you're also giving advice to a 19-year-old that shouldn't be married. So she's going to wait at least until she's 25. I'm counting on her to make a lot of poor decisions. If we're talking to 19-year-olds,

logic carries that they should be looking at the finest 8-year-olds around them now. What's the word? Grooming. A lot of stuff. That's like what Drake is doing with Millie Bobby Brown. He's grooming her. That's alright. Drake is doing with Millie Bobby Brown, right? He's grooming her.

Is he doing that? He texts underage girls and basically is like, I want to be your friend and they text a bunch. Drake, the crippled black guy from Degrassi. Yes, Drake, the rapper. I did not see that coming. He's been texting Millie Bobby Brown and

who's the other one? Oh, Billie Eilish. That whole thing. I like Billie eilish i do too but uh what is ipod is the most girl power oh she'll fit right in with fucking taylor swift what he looks like he'd be that led zeppelin acdc guy but nope it's it's just like my ipad just girl power ipod drips of estrogen it's true i saw a clip of of lizzo like they were like she's that big fat lady who sings And like there was some award show where it was like the UK artist of the year is Lizzo. And it was like a like Twitter picture of and it was like the caption. It was her like gyrating and shaking on stage, like starting a earthquake basically. And saying like and the caption was like, Lizzo is the realist.

She's beautiful. She's the best. And it's like she looks like those gifts of non-Newtonian fluid. She looks horrible. And it's like, no, it's just funny when things like that happen in society and everybody's watching the same video. We're all presented with the same evidence and we're like, oh, is that what we have to do now? We have to pretend. Oh, we're all going to pretend. Okay. And if one of us steps out of pretending, we're going to get in trouble. Okay. We're all going to pretend this is okay. And this is a

track. We do a lot of pretending and you know, we do, we can't even talk about what we're pretending about anymore. Nope. I looked up Lizzo. I love those eyebrows. i looked up lizzo i love those eyebrows i looked her up and i'm like what is taylor talking about this chick looks pretty good no oh well in that i knew a chick just like that she had all this hair and she'd pull it down over her neck because her neck was this fucking this is This is what she really looks like. I was texting with her for like three months until I got to see what was under the hair.

It looks like a hefty flex bag full of cottage cheese. I couldn't wrap my hands around that. I didn't know this person. Apparently this is the real her. Oh my fucking god. That's the clip. She's booming around the stage just slam slam what a disgusting slab of beef there was a there was a person you know you guys

know who jillian michaels is jillian michaels is like a really famous personal trainer and uh i've heard that name yeah yeah um and she she basically tweeted about lizzo was like hey you know like uh it's, it's too bad Lizzo can't lose a little weight because maybe she can provide a better influence on girls, etc. And then people just jumped all over her. And to me,

I don't know. It's one of those things I'm always like, it seems relatively unhealthy, but I don't... People keep saying it's not. Heart disease is a social construct. seems it seems relatively unhealthy but i don't yeah people keep saying it's not people heart disease is a social construct people will do say a lot of things so i'm not sure i mean like it's just one of those things where like you just said it's like i don't know where where you fall on that kind of thing it's obviously unhealthy there's no doctors who say that being a hundred

pounds overweight is okay and a hundred would be generous like there's a difference between going wow she's a real good singer 300 pound woman is insane yeah oh yeah i don't know how tall she is but she's she's like garth agal but you know you can look at someone that's really good at singing like that guy who sang somewhere over the rainbow and then he died because he was fat taylor could you lift this woman could you put this woman on your shoulders and fireman carry her out of a building? No. What? Actually, I probably could to much distress. Yeah, this Taylor would farm or walk her.

He'd just grab her by the cooch like a bowling ball and that long head of hair and just walk her out. Ah, it's all gooey! Just sliding out, trying to tell her. Taylor's like all those farmer carries it's like an alien movie

this is what we drink for it's all sticky and we're like what the that's ectoplasm yeah you can admire someone's like what I was saying about you know I'm talking about Israel you know that Hawaiian guy

who's saying the, yeah, his little, I don't know if he was playing a little guitar or if it just looked like that when he was holding it. That's not a ukulele folks. That's a bass guitar. That's a custom made cello for this gentleman. And like nobody,

everybody watches his songs even now. And it's like, wow, what a talent, what a beautiful soul he is there are 10 million comments on that video and nowhere are people going and he was so healthy and he was in such good shape and that's what i'm modeling my life it's like no like you can admire somebody's ability to sing without in tandem condoning you know them being morbidly morbidly obese i think i think there's a there's

something there that's at odds which is you could totally find that this kind of person attractive something like for sure if you're attracted to that are we talking about gravity again i like it like because there are people out there that are like oh absolutely like i'm totally into this no big deal and that's okay it's like fine. If you feel sexy that way, whatever, no big deal. But I'm always worried that cause like, that's why I'm always like, Hey, you know what? Talking about fitness, talking about working out, talking about trying to eat healthy, et cetera, et cetera. Because ideally then you can live a longer life. And if you have kids, like what he was talking about, you live longer for your kids and that sort of stuff.

And that's, that's what I, I And that's kind of what I worry about. I just don't want people to feel like we're encouraging. Even if you're attracted to that or if you're saying, hey, she's the realist, no big deal. That's totally fine. But I want her to be around as long as possible. Right? So I don't know. Ever since you said gravity, I'm laughing at myself thinking about that scene in Gravity where Sandra Bullock and George Clooney are holding on, but they're spinning around Lizzo.

As we get tossed into the great abyss. I'm picturing an alternative universe where, like, gravity shames you a little bit. You don't have an Earth-quality gravity, but all the Cheerios in your bowl kind of slide their way towards you. Like, oh, I really got it cut down. Things on the table, like tissues. Trying to throw a tomato at someone. While we're making fun of people for how they look. Did I tell you the joke I read on Reddit about Casey Neistat a while back,

how they said that his nose looks like if he took his glasses off, it'd come off? Yeah, that's a really good joke. That's a funny one. It's funny because he's ugly. It's funny because he's ugly. Someday Casey's going to come on this show. He's going to say, Woody, thanks for never joining in.

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You don't know how to operate a real toothbrush. Get one that works right. That's great. You're not qualified. That's really great. I didn't know where that was going. I felt like it was a personal insult for a moment there. I was like, oh, okay.

I see where he's going with this. You don't even know how to operate a toothbrush. This whole podcast is about mouth health with the smart mouth and get quip. You guys must smell amazing. We've got great teeth and fantastic breath. That's just how we are. Pay no attention to

the fact they're fake. Feeling hateful tonight. I know you are. I like it. I like when he gets in a hateful tonight i know you are yeah i like it i like when he gets in hateful mood yeah i didn't join in either i tried to take like a like an hour nap earlier and i woke up like 40 minutes into it looking at the alarm being like i had 20 more and i was pissed off all fucking night just mad at the world for taking my my nap away. That's why you're so upset at Casey. Oh, well, that's just kind of a perennial. That's a tentpole topic around here. Is it?

Yeah. Because he's so ugly. I just think he's a hideous human being. He's never done anything bad. He makes great videos. Seems like a wonderful guy. Yeah. Real talented.

Fun fella. All kinds of inventive stuff he does on his channel. Very successful. I bet his parents are proud of him. I bet his family loves him. But he's an ugly motherfucker. You know who else was a fun guy? It is his fault at this point. The Elephant Man.

Do you know what a rhinoplasty costs? $7,000 on the top end. Come on. Get that bitch next time. That's not going to change his whole face. It might help. It would change his face. Diplasty costs $7,000 on the top end. Come on. That's not going to change his whole face. It might help. And also, hey. It would change his face. Maybe that's just the way he wants to look.

Maybe he's accepted the way he looks. I don't know. I'm not sure. It looks like he absorbed a twin in vitro all into his nose. That's the way it would go. Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't even be $7,000, Kyle, because the doctor could repurpose all that nose bone into a second

nose. He could repurpose that into a fucking third arm. That's all cartilage. There's no nose bone. You know that, right? I've said this before. I used to watch all his videos and he's like, yeah, I used to get picked on in school and the way he said it hit so deep he's like i used to get picked on when i was in middle school you know

because of the way that i look and i'm like oh he knows he knows he knows i thought he didn't know he looked a little different than everyone else i I thought that somehow in my head, he was like, I don't know, retarded, but visually. And he wasn't aware of the fact that he was different than everybody else. I don't know how I painted that on him. He's the kind of guy who can't tell the difference between five Asian women and five white girls. When he was trying to be so nice and he's like he's like physically he definitely knows the reason he does is because he looks at himself on camera all the time yeah and he sees he sees his face compared to everybody else's because that's when

you honestly when you start seeing yourself on camera you start looking at yourself more objectively i think in my opinion you know exactly what you look like yeah i was not a good looking person that's the same exactly the same with me and it's one of those things where like when people point out your tiny little flaws online and it's way harder because you already have thought about it you know over and over and over you know what he looks like as a kid i bet he looked like that frog mascot on the Pops box. You know, those little... I know you're talking about. I know you're talking about.

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I know you're talking about. I know you're talking about. I know you're talking about. I know you're throwback. I forgot about that cereal. Not a very good cereal. Not a good cereal at all. What was your favorite? My favorite cereal has always been the same from childhood to adulthood. It's Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

I don't eat cereal, but if I was gonna, it'd be some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I never ate cereal. My parents never had it in the house when I was little. I liked Cinnamon Toast Crunch at friends' houses, and i liked cookie crisp but if you ever tried to eat cookie crisp too fresh like it was just crunchy and disgusting you had to do the opposite with other cereals with cookie crisp and just kind of let it sit for five minutes or so soften those bad it always leave a film on your tongue from that fucking artificial nonsense they put in there. Or Cocoa Puffs.

Loved Cocoa Puffs. I like the Cocoa Krispies better. Those are solid too. I couldn't eat cereal when I was a kid because I was allergic to sugar, refined sugar, milk, and gluten.

Those are three such fun things things what a hearty young man all that shit and so i literally grew up on fucking soy and all this other bullshit and carrot i'm sorry you're a literal soy boy literal soy boy yeah no you're you're muted bruce yeah we lost you there i am a frosted mini wheats guy that's my cereal but i'm looking to change it because some hot dude on youtube eats a high protein cereal and i'm like oh i should do that for for cereal days uh special k makes a high protein version um oh yeah i even see it. There's a Special K protein honey almond.

That sounds encouraging. Yeah, but you got to really look at the amounts and compare calories to protein and sort of do a little math there and figure out what you're actually eating. It's probably a step up from frosted mini wheats. It's definitely. Well, the fiber is good for you though. All that fiber in there is good.

I like eggs and peppers for breakfast. I've been doing scrambled eggs with bell peppers and onions. I throw a serrano pepper in there so they're spicy as fuck. Then you put a little scoop of salsa on there. My favorite breakfast. We call it toad in the hole. It's basically you cut it out of a thick bread bread, cut the middle out, and put an egg in it. And, you know, it's like a hard-boiled egg or something.

I don't eat fucking bread. I like bread sometimes. My wife uses a. Oh, I love bread. That's the most delicious thing ever. My wife uses like a cookie cutter that makes a valentine-like heart shape of my egg. And she gives the heart to the dog and then i get the the toast thing and that's my favorite breakfast okay oh i'd be like you're

cutting off pieces of my toast the dogs everywhere like i got the good part dogs love it yeah you're so happy yeah you guys you guys can hear me the the soy boy, right? Yeah. You switched mics though. I did. I had to because I don't know what's wrong with this one. So you were allergic to refined sugar, milk, and gluten. I was allergic to everything until I was about 12 years old. These are all past tense. It just went away.

You kind of grow out of things when you get older generally. I was allergic to bananas for a long time. And then it just went away. You kind of grow out of things when you get older, generally. I was allergic to bananas for a long time. Oh, and then it just went away. No, I just continue to eat them. They itch. I'm allergic to most fruits, like bananas. I don't even know if avocado is a fruit.

I guess it is. I'm allergic to avocado. I'm allergic to peaches, plums, pineapple, any of that stuff. It's not like an anaphylactic shock allergy. It's just like my mouth is so itchy now. That was a mistake, but it was so good. Taylor, are you the one that had the friend who was like, I like shellfish. I just don't like the way that it's hard to breathe afterwards and you turn all red.

It may have been. I don't know the way that it's hard to breathe afterwards and you turn all red it may have been my girlfriend is allergic to avocados and she loves them and so like there'll be times she'll be like i'll have the whatever the fuck salad and i'll be like hey babe that has like a whole avocado on it she's like i know i just won't eat that much and then she'll get like, hey babe, that has like a whole avocado on it. She's like, I know, I just won't eat that much. And then she'll get like all the avocado down. I'll be like, what the hell are you thinking? She's like, it's not that bad. Yeah. If I eat it, my mouth just gets pretty itchy.

It's no big deal. But one time I went on this little rendezvous down to Tampa to hang out with this young lady for a few days. And we went to like a Moe's or a Chipotle, you know, one of those burrito joints. And I got guacamole on the burrito. Well, I was really getting overzealous with this burrito, I guess, while we were sitting at the table. And I bit my lip like hard, like hard. Well, the avocado goes into the cut that i've made and my lip swells up

and i'm just like something about that here it's my lip brother what the fuck happened it's avocado i'm a little avocado she's like Stung by a bee. Eat the avocado. I'm allergic to the avocado. She's like, well, stop eating it. I'm already eating it. I'm already eating it. It was just so swollen.

It was huge. I didn't know that there would be a difference like that, but it literally went straight into my bloodstream. It it swelled up. It reminded me of Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor when he's transitioning back to being fat again. And the lip just goes. Yeah.

I watched that movie recently. So good. The fan base thinks I eat a lot of cashews. I actually don't. I'm allergic to them. You can Google this and find out that it's true. Cashews are related to poison ivy and i am like hyper sensitive to poison ivy so every once in a while i make the

bad decision to eat cashews you know like a handful of them or something and it's like how did i get poison ivy on my scrotum oh right i ate cashews all right i was masturbating with my you get a rash on your balls from cashews yeah only when he tea bags to say these are my cashews and jackie believes this oh it's true i it like i just imagine her telling this to her mom like, yeah, Matt gets a really bad rash down there sometimes. My mom's watching this and she'll confirm like 12-year-old me learned this from the doctor. Oh, yes. I've seen Matthew's balls. They broke out so badly.

So trashy. They look like they were going to burst. We know what it was. I thought I was catching poison ivy just by like peeing in the woods like the wind would carry aloft the oils or something yeah but uh you know the doctor would like yeah god right you know cashews are for people who are hypersensitive they can get poison ivy from eating cashews i love cashews they're really tasty what's your favorite nut what's your favorite nut because it's not cashews for me. Cashews are great.

Cashews and almonds are pretty near tied. Oh, but peanuts are good. I love all of them. Macadamia. Macadamia forever. I love that. Macadamia is the correct answer. Only in a cookie.

I was going to say that. Only in a cookie. White chocolate macadamia cookies from Subway. Those are the best. They're great in cookies, but also macadamia nuts are really good on their own too. On their own. I would probably pick almonds. Now, if you're going to eat a nut, what style would you like?

And there's a few, right? There's the hot and spicy. All the nuts come like that. There's the candied version, which is amazing. I don't know what they do. They just cover them in sugar and then melt them a little and then come with some more sugar. And then I noticed that um the almond company whatever that little that brand is that come in blue diamonds blue diamond they have like

a ton of varieties like soy asian and and all sorts of stuff but yeah i like the hot and spicy ones i really do of any the wasabi macadamias have you had those yeah i i have the i i don't know i i like wasabi and i like macadamias but not together as a kid honey roasted was my favorite as an adult just salted yeah it's like whatever's the spiciest like hot spicy a lot yeah those things those ones to get in a little pouch at gas stations like the heat planters peanuts yeah solid pretty solid or the smokehouse blue diamond almonds that's a solid pick those are good those are good i like spicy everything though like like like i just fucking love spice like if i'm getting a burger and they have like a some sort of jalapeno melty cheese

type thing and with like some sort of chipotle mayo that's the one i'm gonna get whenever my nose isn't running it it's not hot. Yeah. If I'm going to eat something that's supposed to be kind of spicy, then I better... It should be so spicy I need Kleenex. If I'm eating chili, I want to be crying. I want to be halfway through that meal and take a

breath in and be like, oh, I feel like I'm in a Vicks vapor rub commercial. I'm all cleared out. I'm feeling great. I love that about spicy food. Doesn't that ruin your asshole afterwards? I don't understand why people say that. Right. You're either asshole or brothers.

That's great. Bruce doesn't have a hot asshole. Yeah, you guys are really lucky. Some things I can eat really, really spicy. Other things, like specific jalapenos, I'll just shit it right out immediately and literally burn my ass. But other things are totally fine. Yeah, I don't know what it is.

I can't figure out the differences between the spice, but sometimes I'm fine. It's strange. Yeah, that never happens to me. And I have eaten some incredibly like I cook a lot. Like that's that's probably my main hobby right now is I really like to cook and I like to cook fancy stuff. And so if I'm making jambalaya or something or a gumbo, or if I'm making tacos or burritos or, or chili, especially, I like to make like chili all day and a slow cooker like Kevin

from the office. That shit is spicy as fuck when I cook it. I'm putting serrano peppers and jalapeno peppers and Anaheim peppers and just mixing and matching stuff trying to make it hot as fuck. But I've never had like a asshole trauma from spicy

food. No. You're lucky. You're lucky. You're looking cute in those glasses. Thank you. These are just blue light filtering. I only put them on to mock Casey Neistat, but I was like, you know? I'm taking what you say more seriously. Kyle's mocking Casey Neistat,

but then also talking about how great he looks. Yeah. Stealing his look and making it work. Well, Kyle's a lot better looking than Casey. Let's be real. Cool. Somebody does this. What, he's hiding his face

because he knows that? That's like 80% accurate. Is it accurate at all? His nose isn't smushed in, is it? It's pretty smushed. But I mean, that's just his face.

I need to see it again. Yeah, you do. I've got a giant forehead, so for me, I'm just to see it again like I've got a giant forehead so for me I'm just like hey I just got a giant forehead whatever no big deal like everybody's got a little thing I googled Casey Neistat's nose and there's so many funny pictures

like the sixth result was literally somebody wearing those goofy glasses I was describing where the nose comes off what is going on here goofy glasses I was describing where the nose comes off. What is going on here? Wow. He looks like he's got like... He's the kind of guy that

could wear his glasses on a roller coaster and not have to worry about it. I think it's not moving. Kyle, why are you so... Why do you think about Casey Neistat's appearance? Oh, I do it because Woody reacts this way because Woody's a big fan of his and respects him highly. I'm sure Woody would love to have him on the show. He'd be a cool guest, I'm sure.

But when I make fun of him, Woody's like, ultimately, I'm the root cause of all this. Casey, this is because of Woody. Yes. And we know he's an adamant viewer of the show. He hate watches. Yes. You don't think it gets to him?

I think if it got to him, he'd take some of that $10 million deal and he'd devote it into a better fucking nose. Or just dab his tears with $10 million and go, I don't care. I don't think it bothers him because now it's a trademark. Now it's kind of what he's known.

He's pretty easy. Yeah, just like the Elephant Man. I don't think that works. He's not the Elephant Man. He's nowhere near it. Yeah, the Elephant Man had a better documentary. Yeah, much more famous. No, I literally am totally indifferent to this person. I've never watched one of their videos.

The Elephant Man? No, Gacy Neistat. I have watched the Elephant Man stuff on YouTube. Very, very interesting. What a sweetheart. Yeah. You know, he's a champion of the people. That's what I'd call him.

Yeah. I'd vote for him. Elephant Man? He's dead. I said I would vote for him Elephant Man he's dead I said I would vote for him I'd vote for his exhumed corpse over most of the people in this race tell me about it

me too the exhumed corpse of the Elephant Man oh that'd be funny no I'm just writing in Vermin Supreme I'm joking I'm not voting because I'm pretty sure if I don't vote they can't get me on jury duty in the next four years, right? Nope, that's not how that works anymore.

They've got your name from Selective Service. They got your name from your taxes. You have to be a real fucking outsider to get away from that jury duty. Look, if you get selected, you just tell them that... They literally ask you, can you stand a judgment of another human being or something along those lines? And you say, nah,

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. And're like all right really you're excused then oh i didn't know it was that easy do it is that easy do ex-cons have to do jury duty i don't think they're allowed to yeah allowed to like we're all fighting for that privilege no you're not say i have some hope i have some hope for you, actually, because the last few years I didn't register to vote and I was not sent jury duty. And then I happened to vote, I think it was like a couple of years ago, and then I was immediately sent a jury duty. So it could have been a coincidence. It could have been. Taylor, I was not sent for one for a long time.

Did you get jury duty recently? Why do I think that you were on jury duty? I've won for a long time Did you get jury duty recently? Why do I think that you were on jury duty? No, I just said before that I wasn't voting To not get jury duty More as like a joke I'm just not voting because I don't really care

I got selected once for a rape trial I feel like I'm due It's been a long time ago I think I was like 20 But I was just like When they asked that question I was just like, nah asked that question I was just like nah that's a lot of responsibility

plus I think she was asking for it look at her see that's the joke he always hears yeah the core reaction just like you guys you have to be like I hate who did this

Mexicans that That's it. Oh, he was black. Then I changed to whatever you say, sir. That's who I'm not okay with. You know, like, getting out by way of bigotry. But it's much easier just to say, I'm not comfortable judging people, and don't check online to confirm that.

Actually. We're seeing here, you judge someone 10 times, 100 times more successful than you because of his nose. That's a character I play. That's Bigot Tony. Yeah. Bigot Tony.

They call me Bigot Tony because my name is Anthony Bigot Tony. Bigot Tony for shortot Tony, for short. I got to bring that. That character's got to come back. Anthony Bigot Tony? Yeah, Anthony Bigot Tony. They call me Bigot Tony, for short.

Yeah. And he says things that YouTube does not allow. Tony Bigot Tony is the man's name. I like that. Alright. I want to see this fleshed out. I want to see his whole backstory. I want to see this fleshed out i want to i want to see his whole backstory i want to see a sitcom that goes years about anthony bigotoni honey i'm home i was just at the corner bodega and i saw a couple of doing the fucking poop

shit over there and i'm fucking tired of it i pay taxes here for me and all my guinea friends, not for those you know I hate them they get on your ankles and they itch Jesus Christ that's all canceled right away you're not picking up my pilot?

yes wait you're not an actor playing him? No. Did I start it when I said my name was Anthony Bigatoni? Yeah, that's a lot of good jumping off points there. Yeah, I wanted to jump in and do an AMA thing. Chiz is telling us we got to pop into some of these.

You guys can all hop in and look as well. I just underlined one. One question was about Parasite. We discussed that. What was something cringeworthy from your childhood or teen years that still sticks out to you that you did? I'm trying to think of a real good one I should have had a good one already oh I got one good when I when I was let's see here

I was really young I think I was like three maybe three or four and there was a woman and I've only told this story i don't remember doing it but i was only told this from my by my parents um there was a woman next to us in a booth and we were eating eating at this restaurant pretty nice restaurant uh even though they brought me i was three years old and a woman next to us next to us had a giant bandage on her face big white bandage.

Looks like she probably, you know, like sustained some damage or injury. She was getting mouthy or something. Yeah. Right. According to Kyle, getting mouthy. And as we were eating, I kept looking over because I didn't know what she was wearing. And eventually I stood up and pointed at her and I said, Mommy, why is she wearing a marshmallow on her face?

And I screamed it in the middle of the restaurant. Wrenched me down. They're like, just sit down, sit down. And they said they were so embarrassed they had to leave. Take that, Mom and Dad. I felt really bad, but I was like four. So come on. You can't be blamed for that.

I was a kid. Yeah, whatever. I remember I had one like that where I was like four and I called an old man lumpy in the middle of an aisle at a grocery store because I thought that lumpy meant ugly. And I was loud, even though I was like a four-year-old. And I was like, mom, look at that lumpy man. And then she was like, Taylor, stop lumpy man and then she was like taylor

keep talking about that and i was calling him lumpy as we were going by and uh double down nice double down on it but uh what i was thinking of that just came to me is i was like seven years old whatever age you are when you see a karate dojo for the first time when you're like oh my god i'm gonna be a karate man and i remember it was like one of the first times in my life i can remember true nerves was me and my little gi and my white belt being driven in the back of the minivan to my first karate practice and in my head i'm thinking like these are some tough motherfuckers i can't just roll into this karate practice as me i need to be tough or i'm gonna get like i need to be real tough and so i remember like as i was walking in i was like all

right taylor be tough and to me at the time tough meant the guy like who on who's on the shield like michael chiklis like the kind of guy who would like yeah you're like tucked his neck he didn't have a neck you're just fat so i'm just walking in like with my neck tucked back trying to like appear tough and then like you see two minutes in that it's like all right uh kevin you know kick through the balsa wood board and then i got much more confident but i remember even as a kid being like i looked like a fucking doofus walking in here with my my neck pulled back like i'm a tough karate man like you were michael chiklis i love you

yeah and that show wasn't around at that point i was he's showing me reference ahead just that kind of look great show by the way i haven't watched it but what yeah it is great i'll watch the wire before i get into the shield oh you've got to watch the wire oh we've got a list battlestar galactica's on it what did you have any any of those old cringy thoughts from when you were a kid or teenager i i can't hang with you on this regard like like i remember um i remember i got really into surfing in my like middle school and high school and it was my whole identity. I never did it, but I had

this idea that if I wore a wetsuit to school, people would know what a surfer I was. Imagine if I had... It struck me as really smart, but I didn't do it. That's the closest I can come up with. God, I thought you went to school

with Scuba Steve there for about five minutes. No, no. Oh, that would have been rough. I had a similar thought with Mueller Steve. Dude, have you ever seen some guy in a wetsuit? Like your junk is out on display. Everyone knows exactly what you have to offer, which in my case was not much.

It's a nice camel toe. Too late in like high school. Yeah. It's a nice camel toe. Till late in high school. Nice camel toe. Getting hazed as you're going down there. Yeah. 10th grade Woody dreaming of pubic hair someday. It'd be bad. I'm really trying hard for this.

Trying to think of other good ones for me. Stuff I've done that's stupid and cringy. I don't know. I blew the championship game pitching in Little League and cried. I thought you were going to say I blew the championship pitcher and cried. Wait, so what happened? How did you blow the game? It was like ninth inning, and my arm was just gone.

I couldn't. It was kind of numb, and I just couldn't throw anymore. I had been pitching the whole game and doing well, but the score was close. I want to say I walked a couple batters, and then the guy got a hit, scored a run, and that was it. I'd been signaling the coach the whole time, like, I'm done. Get me out.

Can you not see that I'm throwing fucking 50 miles an hour out here? Pull me the fuck out. But he was a bad coach. I blame throwing fucking 50 miles an hour out here? Like, pull me the fuck out. Yeah, buddy. He was a bad coach. I blame him. 50's not bad. It's pretty slow. I don't know that I could throw a ball at baseball 50 miles an hour.

You'd be surprised. Oh, you could. You can do that shit at Dave and Buster's. Yeah. Yeah. We'll know. Awesome place to go. I could sling 180.

Wait, 180? Yeah yeah he's the i could throw one ball 80 that's better but well if we drop down to it was just inaccurate and it's just walking people it was like why aren't you taking me out of the fucking game and putting somebody else in and but i cried i cried i felt real bad it I cried. I cried. I felt real bad. It was not about the crying though. I just felt real bad. I felt like I'd let everybody down. That,

that was real. That's yeah. They were counting on you and you didn't have the endurance. I had done well that game. That, that, that was, that was their game to lose. And you had done well for part of the game.

Yeah. And then you ended up ruining it for the entire team. I was, I was there. I did the same thing in an intramural softball championship. And all I needed to do was hit a single. I was the last batter. All I needed to do was hit a single.

And I think I ended up popping out. And I labored over this for days and days. It was just an intramural softball, but I was so fucking bummed because so many people, I watched all their faces go down and they all got sad. And I went, I did that.

I did that. And it made me feel like trash. All right, we're still having a party with everyone but Bruce. I was the worst feeling. Bruce doesn't get his participation trophy. They hand out a participation trophy in your life. Did you earn one?

I did participate. It was so sad. Have you seen those? I'm sure you have. There's a whole genre of videos on YouTube where they have like three experts in a field of like food science or whatever. They'd be like, ah, this is three people testing out like fancy cheeses. And they're going to tell you what they think. Or it's going to be like three chefs. Or this is like three chefs.

And they're each going to like level one, two, and three. And they're going to do their version of a chili dog or whatever, and level one makes a basic chili dog that any of us would make, and level two makes kind of a fancy one, and level three makes a super fancy one. I saw College Humor did this thing where it's wine tasting, and it's like, I'm Carlos, and I'm a level one wine expert. I have it with dinner. And it's like, I'm Diane, and i'm a level one wine expert i have it with dinner and it's like i'm i'm diane and i'm a level two wine expert i'm a junior sommelier and it's like i am a francois

i am a provincial sommelier uh from france and they're going to determine which wine has the dog shit in it and they get to the they get to this one wine like the second wine has the dog shit in it? And they get to this one wine, like the second wine in the group, and it literally just has a big dog turd in it. Now to the untrained eyes, this may appeal as a reflection on the glass. I notice that the green-white growth there, this is not even a fresh...

They're blindfolded. They're blindfolded. So the first guy is like, oh, not even a fresh. They're blindfolded. They're blind So like the first guy is like yeah. Oh He takes a blindfold. Oh my god. I thought you I thought was a joke. This is actually this is dog shit If you don't drink you hear like that that that's boy voice looks like off off my off camera If you don't taste it, you don't get paid You are getting paid. This is horse shit.

This is literally dog shit. And then you get the lady, she's like and you look and she's got shit across her teeth. Jesus Christ. It's fucking hilarious. If anybody out there wants to find it, I think it's like

yeah of course of course you know making people eat drink dog shit you can't do that not anymore yeah ever since joe rogan and fear factor fear factor yeah you could they made him eat all sorts of crazy they made him drink horse cum that was one of the grossest episodes that was the best i love i love when he talks about that episode. He's like, that's when I knew we'd gone too far. Because you're watching people drink it out of a boot from... It's a beer stein. There's huge amounts of

horse cum. Is horse cum that much grosser than our cum? Well, when it fills a fucking 30 ounce glass yeah i'm i'm kind of close to gagging i can tell gargle it kyle would you feel the stringiness gotta give that horse a nice pineapple diet yeah do you think it would be salty do you think when you pulled the glass away from your lips little little tendrils string attached to your cup well also it would be salty do you think when you pulled the glass away from your lips little little tendrils

string attached to your cup well also it would be kind of yellow because it looks like urine because it comes out of the same spot right that's the best part like like they also drink horse urine if that were the contest where it's like all right you've got to drink one glass of horse cum or tap this keg of horse piss. I'd be like, give me the fucking tap. I don't remember how the game worked, but they ended up having to drink lots of horse piss and lots of horse cum. And I remember there was this, I think it was the twins episode. So the competitors were twins.

And these two hot blonde twins are just guzzling horse cum. And it's like, That's my kink. I'm like, I'm not sure if I'm disgusted or aroused. I'm sure. Yeah. Terrible. You know what? It's aroused.

Yeah. If they could guzzle horse cum, then they wouldn't blink at mine. No. Well, unless it got in their eye. But they're going to be down You're going to pay them $50,000 That's $25,000 a piece And then there's taxes

The real question Taylor What would they do for $5 cash $5 in cash $5,000 Yeah I don't think they would drink Woody's cum either go to $5,000? Yeah! I mean, I don't think they would drink Woody's cum either. Maybe more disgusting than the horses, right?

I just watched that section of the clip of the poor blonde going and Joe going don't you throw up! Don't you throw up! And then she puts down the stein and just with eyes of like looking for approval and for some meaning in life like just scanning around joe just come on her lips and on her fucking like tank top thing oh man she sounds hot i mean surprised what a young lady will do For very small amounts of money

When there's no No one around to judge Okay I'm not talking about Well there's a camera but it's not a television camera And We always do this thing And I've done it in my private life

Where I'd be like hey Would you eat that dog shit for five thousand dollars and everybody's like no never and it's like yeah you fucking would if i had five thousand dollars cash you'd eat that dog shit especially if nobody else knew about it and that's how you know prostitutes are too indeed inevitably eat dog shit. Life lessons with Kyle. It all comes full circle, folks. Look, don't lock yourself down. You have no idea

the adventures that are yet to come. You can make a prostitute eat dog shit. $5,000. You don't have to make her. She'll do it willingly. Live in the dream, Taylor. That's the dream that you're foregoing. It sounds pretty cool. Maybe I'll just do that.

I'll just live Kyle style and have no responsibilities. Everything's me. Imagine you're Tarkov KD. If you've never fucked an 18-year-old Filipina while she was wearing her tutu from ballet practice

and hiding from her parents in a dirty motel room, then you're not living the Kyle dream, all right? You've got to go hard in the paint. Hard in the paint. And ID. These are always ID. I'm just going to say I don't want to do the Kyle lifestyle. Is that okay?

Can I just abstain from the Kyle lifestyle? You can handle the Kyle lifestyle. It's a rough and ragged road. You got to survive a little bit of time in prison. But for the few who can, there are rewards. Like what? What are the rewards like you don't have lots of pussy and free time and video games and shit young women that eat poop oh that's or drink cum you'd be

shocked i don't know that i would be i don't think i would be shocked i think i'd probably be like yeah that's about right k Kyle's trying to make this sound cool and it doesn't sound cool. The more he talks about it, the more it doesn't sound cool. I don't know. Settle down then, breeder. Make some more boring people.

I mean, if my kids end up being boring, I'll just do it like the Spartans and dash them upon the rocks. There you go. That's it. That's the Kyle lifestyle. Punch that fucking abortion subway car. Is that clunk?

Ninth one's free, boys! You know, I get a free Italian dip at Jersey Mike's if you go through with this. a free italian dip in jersey mics if you go through with this fuck those babes yeah oh that was a fun episode thanks for coming on taylor does that sink in ever a little bit does he ever make you self doubt and think that the Kyle of course he does yeah like yeah he does but I'm too bullheaded to admit that don't let him Taylor

don't let him don't let it sink in don't listen to the divorcee sacrifice the greatest years of your short life we are here such no I'm kidding we're here for a very short, finite life. And such a small percentage of that are we at our best, at both our physical,

mental, and financial peak. And as men especially, but as human beings in general, we should try to grasp that with both hands and hang on to it for as long as we can and enjoy it. Enjoy the fruits of life, the pleasure that is given to us on this earth by God or fate or the universe or just plain fucking dumb luck for as long as we can. That's why you should give a prostitute $5,000 to eat dog shit. Or your own shit or any shit you can find. Look, if you find a zookeeper, the world's your oyster. All right?

I'm crazy with it. There's a lot of wisdom in this, Taylor. I'm going to need to internalize this as I'm eating a couple of pork rinds. You might as well be signing your own death warrant if you sign on that line which is dotted when you're 25 30 years old or something like that and just go ahead and lock it all down and say oh yeah life for me of being the free version of me is over now i'm going to transition into a a more restrictive but perhaps more rewarding in some in some ways

version of me just ask yourself for a question wouldn't that version be available in five more years imagine the horror of a deep connection with some woman who wakes up in the morning and makes you valentine shape toed in the hole like what what a awful life that would be right yeah, nothing like that same lady there that you've known for 30 years making you a $5 breakfast. Fuck that! Go to Waffle House! There's cheap dirty whores there that'll make you whatever

kind of breakfast you want. But they're not made with love, Kyle. Oh, they're made with lust. They're made with lust. Waffle House lust. There's a Hispanic line cook beating off into the batter again. Enrique. You know him.

You caught me before and you did not fire me. I guess it comes down to whether you think relationships get better or worse over time. Kyle has described repeatedly this notion that like, oh my God, she has no new anecdotes five years in. But I like old shit. My Leatherman means more to me when it's five or ten years old than it does the day I got it. And so does my wife.

I love office reruns. What can I say? Nothing like seeing if Jim and Pam will get together for the 70th fucking time. Or maybe you just want some new pussy boys. You have to be the judge. This is about your life, not mine, not his. Certainly not Taylor's because he's just

a ball of trash rotating around the rim. And for some reason he's staring at it going, Kobe! Kobe! A ball of trash going around the rim. Why couldn't it be a basketball?

I don't know. It's about being mean to each other. Because if a basketball goes in the hole, you win, but this is trash going into a receptacle, so if it goes in, you lose. Well, if she can put up with five or six more run-throughs of King of the Hill, we'll see.

She's only made it through one so far. That's how we'll know if she's the one. That's how we'll know. Radium's easily available on the marketplace. You just need a lot of smoke detectors. Alright. So, does radium give you no children or just birth defects?

Well, it could just give you some ovarian cancer is an easy way out That's all I'm saying And that's PKA Bruce thank you so much for coming on Our classy program Anytime You got anything to shout out

Or pimp Just my twitch That's it Hell yeah PKA 479 Sorry Casey