Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #482

Episode Date: March 21, 2020

In this week's PKA, we have our first NO GUEST SHOW, with just the boys, for 2020 so far. The guys talk about how serious Coronavirus/COVID-19 and how every major sporting event, ever music event, everything in the United States and across the globe is being shut down, cancelled or postponed... but then we get less serious and talk about monkeys going on a raid, because it's PKA, we gotta bounce between being too real and being too foolish.

pka episode 482 just the boys kyle a couple sponsors tonight express vpn post mates and smart mouth but yeah it's just the three of us first time all year it's been just the three of us i'm looking forward to catching up on with each of you and not having some fucking loser in here with his so-called interesting life they have to don't get me started on the guests all of them all i can't on neither of you to drink your own piss this is gonna be a classy that was actually pretty cool that was pretty good you know so i i guess it's worth the trip we were gonna start off with corona we all agree but with whatever who cares dude so i don't know if it ended that way but before the show went live the show before i make the show, it gets a couple thousand views.

I've made about 3,000 videos, and this one was by far the lowest, radest video I ever made, ever. And there was a period where people would just dislike because we were late. Like the show hadn't even started yet, and I'd have thousands of dislikes because we live streamed it. You didn't like the piss. No, that was two weeks ago. Last week was Boogie. I thought people loved the piss. They did love the piss.

Oh, the Boogie episode, the last one we did. Oh, they didn't like Boogie. Yeah, I never took it personally, not for a second. Yeah, it's not about us. Look, look. I mean, you can tell. Look. Trying to think how I want to put it's not about us yeah look i mean you can tell look trying to think how not about us this time i feel the same way you know like like like

boogie can irk me sometimes like like i feel like he he bullshits a lot about things he doesn't know what he's talking about cars i was just like all right come on if you're gonna lie pick something that's not in my wheelhouse here like like i know this is just silly what you're saying right now i don't want to just call you out but like come on don't say the whole fucking like 35 first minutes of that episode i would ask something or like if you start a conversation and like maybe 15 minutes and i'm like i don't think kyle said a goddamn word this entire time and then i started to notice and by like the 25-minute mark, I'm like, he's making a point to say nothing this entire time.

I find nothing interesting about you, sir. I'm sorry. I was on the other end. Unless we're going to talk about those chiclets that you got jangling around in there, then I don't want to talk about your nonsense, I'm afraid. I must be in the wrong because 70 70 of the people agree with you guys but i thought that his career trajectory and arc on youtube was interesting you know we've watched a guy be one of the most beloved guys on youtube they called him the mr rogers of youtube now they're

on the other side attacking him for anything he does and says that's dissecting it finding problems a manipulator and like that was interesting to me to watch the arc uh not to anyone else i guess i i i never saw him as the mr rogers i've always just seen like huge threads of people hating on him and not on like like specific subreddits but like one week i'll see him on i'm a total piece of shit and then i'll see him on live stream fails and you've've never seen Taylor made a little face. There's a subreddit called I am a total piece of shit. You showed that to me. I just didn't know there was a,

yeah, you know, look, look, I don't know what to say about him. I don't want to be too shitty toward him. He, he comes on the show,

you know, he's a, he's polite to us. He's, he's a, he's kind and everything. I think he does his best, uh, most of the time, as long as the topic is something that he is interested in or finds

relevant, but then if it's not, you know, zip, he's out, he's checked out of the conversation and, uh, you know, um, he's got a track record of doing some things that, and, and I won't enumerate them, but you know, if you didn't like them, you probably know what they are already so um i don't hate boogie or anything i just don't like spending four hours with him at a time and hey i don't think that's an insult there are a lot of people that i don't want to spend four hours chatting with at a time i was thinking about that the other day where i was like is there anyone on a given week that i've spent in the last what six and a half years talking to as much as Woody and Kyle. Like, not even significant others.

Like, I'm not sitting there talking five hours straight, ever, with anyone. Like, four hours straight and the other hour. Maybe, like, on very brief occasions, like if we're in a big gaming session with, like, maybe that, you know, like, I talk about him on the show a little bit. Like, nobody, Middy and Urban and Chiz and those guys

that I used to play tons of PUBG with and Call of Duty and still Tarkov and stuff. But no, not on the regimen that we're on, of course. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And the day those checks stop coming, fuck both of you. Oh, those guys? No, they were pieces of shit

boys dust in the wind kyle's just flooring it to colorado yeah i finally yes um i had a boogie thing to say about his character i don't know but yeah i i think maybe i'm to blame to some extent because I thought the drama was interesting and it became part of the show. But you live and learn. I don't care.

You live and you learn. You know, we do one of these every week. There's four hours every time. And then there's another hour. And they're time stamped. If you don't like it, it should be easy to find a part you like. We do the best we can with what we've got. And we don't have a lot, guys.

We're still doing our guys. Still very little. Corona. I've been on Kitty about the hand sanitizer. I'm like, you've got to get it on there. And she's like, ooh, I don't do a bit of that. And I'm like, are you ashamed? Fucking do it. She's like, ooh, you're not allowed to say it's hand sanitizer.

I'm like, call it magic, magic doo-doo cream. People will buy it if they know what it is. So hopefully next week she puts a bunch of hand sanitizer on her fucking. She had better fucking not. And I'll tell you, this is someone who works in the consumer products business. There have been multiple like kind of more kitchen table apothecary kind of businesses that have already felt the full weight of the National Advertising Division and the FDA just slamming down on them. They're like, you cannot imply, even imply that you do anything to get rid of this disease. They're taking this real serious. We're not calling it Corona magic juice, but even if you're not allowed to mix it, she was like, I don't even know if you can mix it

and sell it. I'm like, look, you can't sell explosives either. But what Tannerite just sends you a binary compound. You've got ammonium nitrate and aluminum powder. They let you do what you want to do in your own home. All right. It's up to you. So, you know, you just send you the. We just send you alcohol and gel.

Alcohol and aloe and the essential oil to make it smell real nice. This is just Bacardi 151. That'll work. That'll work. As long as it's 70%. I think it's like 64% alcohol content is what you need, and the rest is aloe. Susan, I'd like you in my office, please.

This is the fifth time this week, really. Every single day, you've come in reeking of booze. No, no, no, no, no. I'm just Bacardi-ing my hands. Susan, you know, I've been a manager here at H&R Block for a long time, and I've never heard something quite that creative back in the day. We're creative accountants here. Yeah, the corona thing's heating up.

It's becoming very interesting. I think the most interesting thing is that all the sports, all the major sports have either postponed or canceled their seasons, or in the case of college basketball it seems empty stadiums you know they did they canceled march madness it sounded like you didn't know that i didn't know that it seemed to me that they were just going to do empty stadiums i didn't know they full-on canceled it holy shit i saw on reddit let me let me just check the source like a billion dollar event or something i think i saw like i mean n NHL, my Golden Knights, they're in the lead in their division.

I don't know what's going to happen to them, you know? Yeah, second place in the conference. They're tearing it up. You guys are only two games ahead in the win column. I think we got 49 wins. You got like 51. No, we've got 42. You guys probably have 40 if you have two less.

I don't know. I'm going to be so impressed if you got that right. In any case, baseball and everything, the big fear is UFC, of course, that this Tony Khabib fight is going to get fucking canceled because of coronavirus.

I'm losing my goddamn mind. I had this long talk with my dad the other day and I laid it all out with him. I'm like, since time immemorial Tony Ferguson and Khabib Nurmagomedov have been slated to battle one another and time and time again it has slipped through our fingers. But this time

no way anything happens. And here we are. Every sporting event's being cancelled and this thing's coming up next month. And I think, I hope they fight in an empty arena. I hope they fight in an empty arena and just make it fucking happen i would love that i that i could talk so much all right first of all i think the march madness thing is true it's the top post in college basketball and the third top post on all of reddit um and then the khabib thing do you ever watch um what is the

reality show they made i'm looking for so you want to be a, yeah, the ultimate fighter. That's interesting sometimes because there's no crowd. It's just a gym with maybe five, eight teammates cheering each guy on. Yeah, that's what I was getting at when I said pride. Because when they do it over in Japan, it's like crickets. Yeah, it is like, you're right about that. And you can hear the coaches and it changes the dynamic a little bit. Matt Serra was a particularly effective and good coach. Helping it, whenever the fight hear the coaches, and it changes the dynamic a little bit. Matt Serra was a particularly effective and good coach,

helping whenever the fight hit the ground. He just had the recipe for advancing your position or getting out of a bad one. I would love to see that and how it changes. Is Khabib as effective if the other guy has a coach, you know, talking him through how to handle it? Is it Eddie Bravo? I don't know.

Is telling Ferguson what to do? Yeah, it Eddie Bravo? I don't know. It's telling Ferguson what to do. Yeah, it could change the game a little bit. Look at that fucking horse. Hey, you're such a good boy. Have you stockpiled enough food for that monster? How can you? There's no way you can. It's such a big dog.

He's enormous. My biggest fear is they're going to eat me. I heard dogs can't get corona. That's true. Did you say they can, Kyle? They cannot. That's confirmed. It's those weird armadillo anteater things

they've got in China that this shit came out of. I don't listen to Joe Rogan that much, but when I saw something else, it was like he had real deal like virologist or whatever it's called like that episode i listened to it today fascinating like hearing him like debunk little things like all the stuff that you've heard around like i can't be the only one who's heard by the beginning of may the temperature will be high enough that all of this is going to be dead. It'll be over. And he was like, well, the same thing was said about SARS.

And SARS, you know, is a little easier to contain than what we're dealing with here. And it lasted until June. You know, there's not going to be a magic temperature button where it's suddenly like, boop, and it's gone. Yeah. So even like Ghana just had a couple of cases today. And I imagine it's hot as shit in

ghana oh they've got great health care in ghana though it's humidity best i think i'm not a virologist but we are going to cut off both of your hands and eat them what's that good i've only gotten this because you are an evil man yeah did you see that preacher curing everyone of corona on air no i got it somewhere i didn't i know the clip you're talking about because i liked it on twitter but i didn't watch it with audio but i saw him like it's like pulsing his like hand magically at the camera yeah it's kenneth copeland there people like this deserve to be burned at the stake yeah that's a fucking dick move makes people think who trusts this is kenneth copeland fucking let's i haven't watched it yet honestly i just know of it i'm queued up on it

i'm ready i'll be a second i've never even heard of this fuck what a piece of shit look at him look at this cocksucker i bet he's worth fucking eight or twenty million dollars somewhere in there from fucking morons out there sending him $8, $10 of their social security check. You guys ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. Put your hand on that television set. I already hate it. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Lord Jesus. Jesus. He received your healing. Yes. Receive it. Now. he receive your healing yes receive it now I can feel it

I don't feel anything say it I take it I have it it's mine I thank you and praise you for it and I forgive if I have ought against any and I praise you that I'm well

and whole. His hands are so wet. According to the word of God, I'm healed. Healed! And I consider not my own body. Wait a minute. Wait, what?

I consider not symptoms in my body. I'm considering. But only that which God has promised. Only that which God has promised. Only that which God has promised. Only that what the word has said. Only that what the word has said. And by his stripes I was healed. And by his stripes I am healed now.

I'm not the sick trying to get healed. I'm the healed and the devil's trying to give me the flu. That's right. Or whatever else kind of thing he's trying to say. Wait. Whatever else. Healed and well. or whatever else kind of thing he's trying to say. Wait, whatever else? Healed and well? Yes.

In the sweet name of Jesus. Oh my God. Alright, I'm done with Kenneth. Anyone want to take a guess as to how much money Kenneth is worth? I bet he's worth $12 million. Not even fucking close. $50 million. I was going to go under oh but cal using psychology i'm gonna go 27 million a pittance compared to this man's worth

what is this piece of shit worth 105 million dollars not even fucking close no dude these people are such $760 million what he didn't even make sign praise my bank account i hate this guy that's what's pretty cool is like even if christianity is real this guy is going to a way worse hell than the three of us are. Oh, yeah. Like being a false prophet, Jesus is very upset by this. Gullibility is an age-related disease. I'm convinced of that. And it's why old people flock to Fox News. And it's why old people flock to religion. They get gullible,

and then they get taken advantage of. It's why people mail you-forgot-your-car-payment letters to old people, and they don't have car payments it's it's there is a problem with your apple account yeah they turned 77 years old and suddenly they're getting they're paying off student loans you know what the fuck because they believe shit they shouldn't believe they're susceptible to being tricked and it's the republican voter base it's why i can i can

empathize with old people who are religious because it's like they grew up in a time with no internet like that was hammered into them 24 7 and so like you get to be like 70 years old and you believe that your whole life like can't teach an old dog new tricks like it makes sense they'd cling to religion at at least. I would think. By the way, Kenneth Copeland, you can go fuck yourself. Yeah. Screw this guy. Your fucking wet hand casted spells.

What the hell's wrong with you? Fucking weirdo. Why is he still at it? I challenge you to a cast off, a magic off. Just a meeting of the minds. You and your God versus me and nothing but my my enormous head I'd love to see Taylor engage this guy in a magic

it's like that South Park where it's like both trying to move a paper clip and nothing happening when all those cops are like right around. Do you remember that guy? The one psychic comes out of the hotel room and he's standing there and there's like a million SWAT guys

and they're going, he's going to do it. He's going to do it. And he goes, don't make me use it. Don't make me. I just load on like a hundred rounds. Yeah. Psychics, psychics are pieces of shit. and this guy is basically just a psychic doing this a psychic like waving the flag of jesus so real piece of

shit fuck that guy yes that's not helping this situation at all if you have a bunch of old people the most susceptible group to this disease believing that they're fine to go out to cracker barrel you know every sunday for the next however long. Cracker Barrel makes a damn good breakfast. Have you ever been there? I'm saying it's where old people go. We're not disparaging the food. I like the game that you play with teas at the table. Yeah, me too.

And then sometimes I'll look over at people at the same table playing the game, see that they got fewer teas, and I'll cheat before they can look at mine. I don't cheat, but that game alternatively makes me feel like a genius and a moron oh yeah you'll like try a new strategy and it's like how did i end with five that's like not possible with five now i'm a i'm just goofing i'm just playing.

Obviously, I don't have the pattern recognition of an amoeba. So, but anyway. Hash brown casserole. Hashtag casserole. I like the store. You always find something neat in there. Oh, yeah. The store has oddball candies and sodas.

It's like, I'm going to leave with a soda that's red. It's the sole remaining distributor of charleston chew i went in there for a breakfast and left with a fucking rocking chair that's the that's a good store yeah that is a good i kind of want to swing by a cracker barrel and see what and they do a good job maintaining an aesthetic that it's easy to believe there's a man out back building rocking chairs for you really that guy's in vietnam but really yeah there's a fucking truck pulling up with a bunch of fucking ikea subsidiary made shit but is that literally true i have i'm as gullible as a fox news maker making shit up okay but um yeah i haven't been the cracker barrel in so long

i go every day no that's not believable either. What's wrong with you, Woody? Real good breakfast. Yeah, breakfast is great there. I only eat there when I'm on a trip. When I'm traveling, I like to stop in the old Cracker Barrel, the old country store. I mean, the important thing to remember about this virus, it's just

the flu, guys. Remember last flu season when the NBA, the NHL, the XFL, the UFCfc it's coming the stock market collapsed caught my attention it turns out global pandemics real bad for the stock market very very bad yeah and especially like i don't know who's to blame i told you guys you did i remember it yes i'll specific i specifically remember we said what's your number i said on a scale from one to ten one being the scariest and ten being where would you rank this thing and i said i'm in a two all right that is how it went yeah

no i'm not nostradamus over here that's true so yeah this is pretty fucking bad i think that's all of italy is shut down norway is shut down uh the czech republic made an announcement today that they are not allowing any public groups of more than 10 people and they're shutting their border down and everything because everything's getting real belgium i think belgium said did i write it down i think it was either yeah belgium said you can't gather outside at all. All public events canceled, all restaurants closed. Did you catch New York's? Pretty much everything.

New York's? Okay. Yeah, maybe it's 500. I have 200, but I'm not very sure. Which effectively shuts down Broadway. Yeah, basically. Oh, they closed Broadway. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I've read it. So the shitty thing is we are getting out tested by every single country in the world every single country like like senegal is testing people faster than we are fucking everywhere in europe is testing us faster we've we've the u.s has given out 11 000 tests total taylor if the go up, it hurts Trump's re-election chances, so we have to prevent testing. Get your priorities in order.

This is an indictment on how fucking shitty our medical care system is. It really is. That we are so wildly unprepared for this that we can't make enough tests? Are they too expensive? What's the fucking holdup? We were prepared. We shut down that division of the government.

Yeah, well, then fuck that. We need to have somebody in charge of that, you know? There was a permanent thing. Trump said, look, I'm a businessman. I don't like having these people hang around, paying them, when we don't need them. Yeah, if he did that, then fuck that. Oh, yeah, that's a real thing. Yeah, I'm not doubting you.

I'm saying I don't really care. I believe that it's the Trump administration and probably past administrations for not doing nearly enough to prevent something like this happening. But like when we've only rolled out 11,000 tests and South Korea is doing 10,000 tests a day, a day they're doing. And so people are saying here it's like, oh, there's only like 2000 confirmed cases in the US. It's not that bad. It's like, no, it's way more than that. The CDC even came out two days ago and said, hey, so a lot of those influenza deaths that people are quoting in order to make a comparison between the standard influenza and the coronavirus, very possible that a lot of those influenza deaths were actual coronavirus deaths but because they

weren't tested it was misattributed in our statistics and so it's like way more people have already died some like head medical committee in ohio is estimating that a hundred thousand people just in that state are already infected by it like it's it's it's much bigger than people think just because you don't get wildly ill doesn't mean it's it's not serious like this is this is it come on this is way worse than you thought it would get did you think every major sports league would shut down did you think yes i called it a two out of ten one being armageddon you know when you're right you're right man this shit is this shit is serious

is it serious or is the reaction to it serious i'm just playing devil's advocate that i haven't heard about a lot of deaths i haven't heard about a lot of problems from it i've heard a lot of problems from the reaction to it the n NBA shutting down and the stock market crashing are reactions to Corona. I don't even know anyone that has Corona. I don't know. Nobody got the Corona. Yeah, right?

That's how you tell if a thing's a big deal. It's people that he knows. It's people that I know. No, not you. Specifically me. Nobody in Woody's Tarkov squad has Corona, boys. All right? I think we're in the clear. We're all doing

a Tarkov space quarantine. 20 year old men who spend all day at home playing Tarkov. I'm gonna end up getting this shit. I meant to ask you in particular. Let me preface it like this. Hope School, turns out the president

of her school used to run the CDC in Atlanta. They're shut down for a week and then a week delayed, they're doing online school. George Foreman's mom, you know, the baby we watch, her job has everyone working from home and they'll reevaluate on April 6th, which is a while out, you know, three weeks, whether or not they go back then. So that's a big deal. One of the guys I fly with owns a company. He's very successful. And his company has, like, they're doing work from home stuff. And if anyone travels, they're forced to self-quarantine

for some extended period, two, three weeks. Like, my world is filled with people who are impacted by this, who are reacting to it. What do you got? Are you still going to work? Are you still still traveling i'll still go to meetings and stuff but it's getting to the point now that it's like i'm not i'm not traveling like any any appointments i have with retailers on behalf of clients or whatever i'm doing skype or calling in or something because it's apparently if you get on a plane because they recycle the air and it lives in the air for three

hours like it's it's incredibly transmissible on a plane like it just takes one person breathing and you could get transmutable transmissible transmutable i don't know i don't know there's no way to tell why yeah it's incalculable between those two words but calculable it's certainly not calculable uh but yeah it's it's just i feel like the business world is the slowest to catch on to this kind of thing because they just they don't want to deal with the opportunity cost of all lost time and so they kind of just try and inch it out and inch it out and it's not going to work like it's getting to the point now that everybody like everybody is starting to be like okay oh you were going to come meet you know i'm going to work. It's getting to the point now that everybody is starting to be like, okay, oh, you were going to come meet.

I'm going to attend a meeting with a client, and they're going to have a third party come in for a meeting. Now it's like nobody fucking come in. Everybody call in. Yeah, in my little circle of visibility, traffic is much lower. Everyone I know, the whole George Foreman's mom, et cetera, they're not going to work anymore. The business world is doing their thing.

Yeah, they're starting to a little late, but it's definitely not good. I have maybe three. No, he works somewhere else. Two friends who I was hanging out with not too long ago who work in a hospital that a coronavirus person was at. And so if they were exposed to it, I was around them enough to get exposed. And so who knows? We'll know in about two weeks because apparently it can take up to that long. But like one of the real dangers from what I'm reading is that

like if you're young, it comes on kind of like an annoying cold, you know, where it's like, oh, man, just I'm not catching my breath all the way. It must be that phlegm from my cold. I'm just kind of feeling this. It must be a cold. And so then people are more likely to go outside and then you're fucking breathing on someone in the Walmart aisle. And then who knows if that person you just breathed on is going to go back to their job at a geriatric center and end up giving it to a bunch of people like that. And so like that, like I've seen a lot of compelling stuff from much smarter people than me saying, Hey, don't think about this as like how risky it

is for you to go outside and how risky it is for you to get this disease. Think about the kind of butterfly effect that you could cause by going out if you're unknowingly infected with this, you know and so that's and it was someone else really smart said like what was it like private or personal quarantining only works if you start it when it seems too early if you wait until it seems like it's out of control it's already out of control yeah you're contagious before you're symptomatic yeah and that's the opposite of what SARS was was according to that guy on joe rogan where it was like you were symptomatic for four or five days and then you were super you know able to transmit the disease and so that

means that this is way harder to control than that i would imagine yeah of course well i started quarantining two days ago when i installed tarkov so i'm okay not today two days ago when I installed Tarkov. So I'm okay. Not two days, two weeks ago. What was I gonna? I lost my train of thought, but yeah. Oh, the response to this on my Facebook, because my Facebook is filled with insane people, is divided along political lines. There are people saying like,

can you believe we're missing these sports events? People are like having smaller weddings and what a tragedy that would be this is no big deal and these people are just rooting for it to be not a big deal because it helps republicans and then there are people on the other side maybe i'm guilty maybe i'm guilty of like rooting for it to be a bigger deal because it it goes the other direction i don't know but it's divided along political lines like everything is movie reactions if you're rooting for this to be a bigger deal you're a fucking asshole yeah but if you're like sitting there going no this is actually a a big conspiracy against trump it's like no it's not no it's not that it's a disease

that's pretty serious and not not good not what we want uh so you know how italy is getting fucking hammered harder than pretty much everybody right tell us more you had a thought on that yeah so uh like northern italy is getting absolutely fucking slammed with this and people are wondering like why is it i even saw some people like a few days ago coming up the theory where it's like i mean they're fucking ital. They greet each other by kissing one another on the cheek and touching. It's very, very touchy. But really, so a lot of Italians in Northern Italy sold leather goods and textile companies to China. And then Italy allowed 100,000 Chinese workers from Wuhan to move to Italy to work in those factories and

they were direct wuhan to northern italy flights and so it was a lot of infected people showing up in northern italy before they even knew they were infected and so that kind of explains why it went balls to the wall insane in northern italy before any of those other areas so i thought that was that made way more sense than hugging and kissing too much i would have believed either one that's maybe i would have too i'm a fucking idiot but yeah that does make sense and they're so the the italian government response we talked about it a bit on pkn it was interesting mortgages aren't due. They're encouraging people to stay home. In America, they're like, go to work, but social distance. In Italy, there's literal government

intervention on behalf of personal finances. I guarantee you the American response will somehow be to funnel money to very wealthy people in hopes that it trickles down. We're going to give businesses cash. We're going to give banks money. Woody, name a hundred times that.

I can't get past 60 or 70, Taylor. You got me. What is that doing where it's like, I see all the memes today where it's like, don't worry guys, it's under control. We're giving payroll tax cuts. You know, I really don't think this is going to help us. Like, people really need to be

self-quarantining now and unfortunately because of the way our health system is structured a lot of people can't afford it and so they're just going to continue going to work anyway and that really sucks for them and everybody they come into contact with if they're ill so yeah this is it the u.s is almost like a perfect storm for this to happen like we just we don't have the ability like belgium or italy or you know fucking the czech republic to just say nope nobody can fucking come in nah nada you know who's doing really well right now fucking russia because like two months ago they were like there is no one else coming in fuck that shit sounds very dangerous and now and everybody the time is like overreacting russia and then now russia's they're really not dealing with it too

bad so yet this is just fascinating to watch you know i even hockey i haven't been as interested interested in recently as this like it's just the just the most, the biggest global story in forever. It's so interesting to see how this is going to pan out, especially since we have no idea the number of people who are actually infected, especially in this country.

No clue. We don't have the slightest inkling. So we'll see. Some asshole who everybody in St. Louis hates now flew back from Italy to Chicago, knew they were infected, and then got on the Amtrak, came down to St. Louis, and then that same guy went home, told his daughter, it's the daddy-daughter dance at Villanova, a very wealthy all-girls school. They went there. Tons of people at that school are infected now. So they did that. And it's like, if you don't know the schools that it was spread in from this guy and then the people he came into

contact with, it's like the kind of private schools that you pay like thirty thousand dollars a year to send people to it's the the richest of the rich people unbelievably wealthy people and of course of course those people think they're above the rules where it's like oh well not for me you know oh the peons can't get on the amtrak to go home but i can it's like fuck yourself dude why did you have to do that? And then go to the hospital and infect all the nurses and doctors. It's just, ugh.

Quarantining doesn't work if assholes just insist they're above it. What do you find? I'm looking on Reddit at coronavirus stuff, but then I saw this one article that says, cops beat Chinese man after asking his name and then there's a quote from the man who was beaten and he says

i've lost all faith in the police says mr fuck you oh that's good yeah that's good yeah it's uh it's been really interesting i saw tom hanks had a coronavirus he and his wife uh they're down in australia i believe uh so that that's that's all that really matters you know like our celebrities how old is tom hanks he's 63 years old and he has type 2 diabetes and apparently obesity and diabetes are like two comorbidities that are super super dangerous with this. I think you can afford pretty good

healthcare though. I think old Hanks will be just fine. Probably be fine. The death rate's not that high, but I don't know that money solves coronavirus. I do. I think money solves coronavirus. I mean, what is the reaction going to be like

if someone like Tom Hanks dies it is going to be that is enough like saying 5,000 people died isn't as impactful to the average person as saying this one person that you saw in Forrest Gump died because that gives you know a face to the incident so I think that would really rile people up about. It would. Heck, I think canceling sports was a big deal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you know what? I'm fine with the Blues just being the continual standings up champions.

Until the following year. You should get another pennant. They give you another cup where they're like, you know, it's fucking air bud rules. Well, it's August. And I guess you are the first two-time carryover winners nobody else won the cup so you're still the champs yeah so that the sports thing is super fascinating because like who it like throws a wrench into everything that you thought into how you thought everything worked you know like it's in your head that it's like no the nhl the nba major league baseball these are too big of organizations they're not going to shut stuff down they're not going to get rid of uh spectators

and then just cancel the season and they did what if they did what if they did um empty games like how would i guess that even that's... You got the players to worry about. That one player has coronavirus, right? And then they managed to go... It took five days for every other player in the NBA to like six degrees from him.

Over the course of five days, he would have played against, I'll make it up, three teams. And those three teams would have played with those three teams. And every player would have played with those three teams and those then every player would have been as exposed to this guy yeah and that he was the guy who touched all the mics right that nba player yeah i'm an asshole okay i'm on the other side of it because what are you talking about here's why kyle he did that at a time you had your one to ten scale the other way right like i'm still there i'm still there on the fear of the thing i'm still at a two very very concerned but but like i i just maybe

i'm just too empathetic for this guy but like he was mocking the coronaviruses as people were overdoing it there's still people on my Facebook feed doing that right now. There was one asshole posted six times today about how the coronavirus was nothing and how everyone's, you know, what are the symptoms of coronavirus? Gullibility, watching mainstream media, yada, yada, yada. So...

You should just turn your Facebook off and make new friends, dude. You're right. Look, I still think that as far as lethality of this thing and like the the end toll of it like dad i'm talking about how afraid i am and me personally i'm i'm legitimately at an eight out of ten if i'm being honest ten being the least afraid of course stop your bullshit scale you don't get to determine my scale i find it very confusing though if i i feel like i could get it i'd be just fine i'd just be just fine i have the sniffles

i'd have the sniffles i i got so much chicken soup in there for me it's not about you though right like because you see your father that's true now if i'm worried about uh then you go visit your dad well i'm not i'm not allowed to visit him but you see he came to you to see uh oh he came over just recently to see yeah yeah yeah yeah you guys interact sure we make out you know get down well that probably transmits it that neither of you guys are gonna get sick you're already quarantined you've been quarantined for years big moves yeah no no i i feel like like my personal fear of it is legitimately very very low but i mean anything that's killing one to three percent of the people who get it it's like oh okay well that's yeah three percent is enormous one percent is huge it's quite high but um but you know i think you've got to look at it uh for what it is and and you

know this isn't the andromeda strain or whatever what's that what's that stephen king book the one where the virus kills everybody and it kills them in like three shit um it's not the andromeda strain that's's that's that alien shit with the vampires or what I don't know is it about like is it almost a religious parallel like the end times or I'm mixing up my Stephen King books. I think there is a book about this. I just yeah, I haven't read it. It's the stand So yeah, this isn't the state the virus from the stand or anything but yeah it's certainly dangerous to some people and we should all be concerned about it because we've all got people in our lives who are vulnerable to it yeah right but if i'm talking about my personal fear and that it's going to get me this is not one of

those movie viruses that's just sweeping through communities, wiping them clean or anything like that. No, I don't want baseball anymore. Yeah, I mean, it could be. Yeah. I mean, there are viruses that kill high percentages of people that get them. They're just not as transmutable. Fair. Fair. If this mutated into something scarier i that's what i wish joe had asked that virologist like could this mutate into something that instead of killing one percent or two percent kills 25 50 75 could that happen something it maintains it's the killer b thing we talked

about a couple weeks ago where yeah it's it's incredibly transmutable and it's incredibly dead deadly because we seem to be on the other end of that right now where it's very, very transmutable, not quite that deadly. Yeah, I tried to talk to Filthy about this. He had no time for it. But the – Despite the four-hour length of the show. What is the most dangerous kind, right? One of the things that makes this so rough is you're contagious but asymptomatic for some period of time i used to say two weeks i think it's shorter um you know

and that's what makes it that's why how it spreads so well you feel great you're out and about you don't know that you're getting everybody sick yeah and if you've ever played plague where you try and kill everybody with a disease that you make and you're upping you know the transmission ability and the killing ability because the whole goal is to kill everyone on earth you know the best kind of way to spread a virus according to this cell phone game that i play when i'm bored at airports is making sure that the transmission is tippity top 99 out of 100 for the first like year of it to get everybody having it and not until then do you start upping the lethality and so like obviously this isn't gonna this isn't a video game so it's going to be different but there are already two types that i read this the other

day and i found it again so while the s type of coronavirus is the ancestral type the l type is found to be more prevalent the l type made up 70 of the 103 sequence strains whereas the ancestral type. The L-type is found to be more prevalent. The L-type made up 70% of the 103-sequence strains, whereas the S-type made up 30%. It's not yet clear whether the L-type evolved in humans or in zoonotic intermediary hosts. In summary, our analysis of 103-sequence SARS-CoV-2 genome suggests that the L-type is more aggressive than the S-type and that human interference may have shifted

the relative abundance of L and S-type soon after soon after the sars-cov-2 outbreak and so like there there is one that's more intense than the other already and i think i guess that's kind of inevitable with any disease right maybe i don't fucking know but it's so frustrating to want to understand so much about this and then i'll read stuff from experts and be like i'm just too dumb what say it in easy words don't use your science there's that and then there's experts that disagree with each other and that's part of the challenge too i don't have enough like

virology and knowledge to determine which experts are right and which ones are wrong so what do you do just pick the ones that tell you whatever you find better or more entertaining or what your goal is i don't know so it's crazy yeah we're all here debating which oil is the best and none of us are chemical engineers yeah it's it's super fucking interesting following this as long as tony and khabib fight i I'm... They're not going to fight. I think they're going to fight. One is still doing their fight, so just closing the doors. Empty arenas. You think they'll do that?

That's what one championship is doing. That's another fighting organization. Minor league league. Like a Bellator? Yeah, yeah. Like a Bellator. Yeah, comparative. Yeah, they gotta put the fucking show on. Come on. Yeah yeah we need this they'd probably do well everybody's gonna be sports starved and they're like well i can't watch the sport i want

to watch i guess i'm watching this one you know that would be a great time to like instead of i don't know how it would work but if they could find a way to open up the pay-per-view like like me like like if they could get like somebody to broadcast it instead and yeah and but it's espn never mind remember that picture you sent that there's a guy and girl laying in bed they're like back to back not facing each other she says i bet he's thinking about other women and he's like what if tony and khabib get canceled did you know dana tweeted that yeah oh you didn't know that okay i didn't know and uh i was like oh d Dana's thinking about it now.

Of course he is. But was that a hint that he's going to? What do you make from that? I don't know. I think it's just him having a little bit of fun. Probably. But I would think they would still do it. They'll just close the arena off.

Dana, if you're watching, and I assume you are, raise the pay-per-view $5, close arena you'll make even more sure i would still do it i would i mean i i don't care how much you charge i'm still willing to pirate it yeah i'll buy it I'll probably actually buy it I buy the bigger shows like the pirate sites they suck when it's like a Connor fight for example

at the very beginning when there's some two fighters you don't even know that they're trying to make popular the stream works fine and then by the time the title fight rolls around and everyone and their mom is watching it's you miss the fight or they'll cut it off right then to like punish you it's like uh nope uh possibly sure sucks to suck yeah i always buy them um i i don't i don't like pirate them that's it's just such low quality and i like watching on my television out there i. I like being on my couch with my beverage and my peanuts and, you know, getting to watch the thing. One of your fancy meals you make for yourself, I'm sure.

I usually just eat the peanuts. I got these. I bought unsalted peanuts. And then I seasoned them myself with Cajun and Cajun spices and Sriracha powder. And I make these super spicy peanuts that I cook up. Sounds good. I love peanuts. Oh, they are spicy.

You cook them up? Yeah. When you're making Kung Pao or something? How do you? Put them in a pan. Put them in a pan with a little bit of avocado oil and all the seasoning. And you sort of stir fry the peanuts. You get them good and hot and it makes the seasoning bond.

Makes it soak in. That was the question. Can you do a whole, like I saw the amount you purchased. Can you do that in one time? I do like two cups at a time. Okay. But in one sitting. No, I don't eat two cups of peanuts in one sitting.

No, no, no. But you cook two cups of peanuts in one sitting. Oh, yeah, yeah. In one like pan. One standing. I don't know what to call it. I no no no but you cook two cups of peanuts oh yeah yeah and one like pan one standing i've got like big cast iron pans yeah yeah yeah the fucking day because that's the that's part of the challenge if i want whatever 14 peanuts i don't want to spend 30 minutes cooking them yeah i just put them back in the jar now i've got my fancy like uh like seasoned up and spicy peanuts with all sorts of... Those look good.

Yeah, it's clearing my nose through the camera. They're so spicy. I love spicy peanuts. Okay. Even just the planter's heat peanuts that you get at gas stations. Those are good. All right. Are they better than that?

Are they spicier than those? They're so spicy lots of sriracha powder is the corona topic finished yeah I think so everybody else I don't care everybody else

just Tom Hanks is all I give a fuck about this is just a hypothetical for most of us you have 30 minutes to hide a USB drive in your house. Your house will be raided by the police, detective, and FBI agents all searching for the USB. Where do you hide it so it won't be found? Well, let's see.

Let me just copy the top few comments. I would take the handle off the stove. Of course, it's hollow. You know this one. I'll put one in there. Or I'll go into the bathroom. I'll take the lid off the toilet. Take that floaty ball that's in there. it open throw the thumb drive inside super glue it back up that's those are both great ones and those are both the top two comments yeah

yeah i was feed it to my dog i had that idea too yeah it would kill my dog but my dog thinks it's a peanut uh yeah feed it to my dog it's it should probably be okay. My dog thinks it's a peanut. Yeah, feed it to my dog. It's hidden for a day. Just wrap a whole flash drive in a piece of bologna. There you go. As someone who's had their home raided a couple or three times by federal agencies, they're terrible at their jobs.

Really? They miss all sorts of stuff. Alright? Like if there's I won't go into great detail but some stuff they would have liked to have gotten. You know? Like oh no we left one of those? Five of them! Oh god!

How much? Just they're terrible at their job at like finding all the nitty gritty things that they should absolutely have found. And I'm not talking about little thumb drive size things i'm talking about big i don't know about gun shaped things yeah like firearm shaped things biggins and and you know like like like all sorts of stuff um my idea you know all sorts of spices and herbs and stuff and just just bags of stuff that they miss out i figured they would have tore the hell out of your entire place i pull it apart but you know it's some i got so much stuff you know like like you know they just had lots of things just

don't get found you know and lots of little creepy crawly places. Nobody looks under drawers. If you want to just duct tape something up under a drawer, pull the drawer out, duct tape something under the drawer, slide it back in. I've seen that in movies. Nobody's going to take your wall sockets apart. Although in that post that Woody's referencing, they do mention, one guy was like, hey,

feds came to my place. They took a few of my wall sockets out, my power outlets, and looked in the little box. They did not do that at my house. They didn't take any wall sockets apart. They didn't look in any of the little hidey holes. Like, you know, you open a closet door and like, you know how there's that molding around the top of the door. Nobody like looks up on top of that. Nobody looks in air vents even. That was my idea. You open the floor air vent, you reach your arm as deep in it as you can. Maybe I got something down there. They don't even look under

the bed, Woody. Under the bed is the place they should be looking. There was one time they raided my house. This is the first time they raided my house. I wasn't there during the raid. I got back hours after the raid had basically completed. I go in my room and look around.

It's all ripped apart. There's shit thrown everywhere. They're very messy about how they do it. And I'm like, oh, look. They left half an ounce of weed. We better smoke this before they find it. My friend's like, we did. My friend's like, where did you have it hidden?

I was like, under the bed. Like in a hidey hole? No, I didn't even know it was there. It fell between the mattress and the wall and was just down there. It's just like a big Ziploc bag of weed. It's like half an ounce of weed or something like that. They didn't find it. They should have used a dug. Or the third most popular response in that poster referencing was, you take a candle out of the glass jar, that in that post you're referencing was you take a candle out of the glass jar and uh you like the way i would do is i would slice the bottom like quarter half inch off of it and then i would melty melt a hole and what the big chunk that was remaining put the thumb drive in there and then melt the two pieces back together slide it back in the damn that's smart as shark yeah i think they were saying boil it or something just soften the whole thing squeeze it in

and mush it in yeah i my idea was the vent thing like as a guy who's raised kids we've dropped countless matchbox sized toys you know down there and you can reach down there and get it back out yeah yeah i used to hide stuff like when i was a kid and i had like porn or whatever like that's where i put my porn like like it was down the air vent um but yeah like like you don't have to get all that crazy creative if you're like super hacker man and the nsa is at your house that might be a different story but i'd say that like when when the mid-tier federal agencies come to your house like they don't they don't dig in the walls or anything they don't't get out the stethoscope and start listening for hollow spots. They bring dogs around.

They bring drug-sniffing dogs, electronic-sniffing dogs. Drug-sniffing dogs missed under the bed? Yeah. Electronic-sniffing dogs? What do they do? Bark at your Xbox? They smell for hard drives? Thumb drives? They can smell hard drives? Dogs can.

They've got that china odor yeah if you ever take electronics like especially like it's got this uh sort of plasticky metallic kind of like you know how you can taste a penny yeah and it's this weird sort of like olfactory sort of sensation you get It's kind of like that. But a dog, of course, its sense of smell is 100, 500, 1000 times better, whatever it is. I went to the place where they trained those drug-sniffing dogs

and ordinance-sniffing dogs. He also had dogs that were trained in electronic sniffing capabilities. That's where I bought that piece of shit that bit me and hates me. Oh. I bought him from one hates me oh is he dead yet no getting a little gray getting a little gray

and he hasn't mellowed much fuck no my dad's dog died the other day he had to put it down my dad's had a Doberman for we did the math he was about 17 years old which is crazy old for a Doberman for... We did the math. He was about 17 years old, which is crazy old for a Doberman.

Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy old. Six years of its life must have been hell. It was just blind and deaf. Since we're all fine, it had been hit by a car a couple of times. And so it was getting to the point

where it was not able to get around adequately. Did the car crush its voice box? No. No. Yeah. Poor, poor old chopper. That was his name. And real, real nice, real sweet dog.

Had to put him down. Dad has the ashes. Dad really loved that dog. Yeah. We have a paw prints from our dog. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, gosh. I know you've heard of ufc stuff so for people who don't follow it closely you'll still find this interesting there's this guy his name is brian ortega very good fighter and uh he just fought for a championship didn't win but let's just call him the second best fighter in his weight class cool and k Korean Zombie is another very good fighter. His career is somewhat derailed for mandatory military service. And Korean Zombie came on a podcast, but he doesn't speak English very well. So he had a translator. His translator is an American dude. He's a musician. He's not a fighter. I guess he's popular in his own right. I'm not his demo. So he's a successful musician.

And he's translating things. Korean Zombie says, amongst other things, but the leading thing was this. Brian Ortega's dodging me. And I think that he called him out. Maybe Ortega was hurt or something like that. And he's like, I want to fight Brian Ortega. He's scared of me.

He's dodging me. He's scared. When in fact, Ortega has an injury can't fight not won't fight can't fight okay so Brian Ortega says to the translator how dare

you say that next time I see you I'm slapping you on sight and the translator's like don't shoot the messenger. I am the translator. So they're all at a UFC event together. The translator is friends with Korean Zombie, the fighter.

And Brian Ortega's not far away. You can see them. They're at the event. Not together, but nearly together. They're probably not going to make it up. They're 20 feet away. So Brian Ortega waits and waits and waits. And then the Korean zombie, the fighter, goes to the bathroom.

Brian Ortega walks over there and slaps the translator just like he said he would. And his take from this is, I'm a man of my word. I told you I'd slap you, and I did. He didn't just slap that translator. He slapped both translators and a third man. I didn't know that. On his Instagram, he told his quote-unquote apology, where he admits to assault. He's like, I slapped three people that night, all right? And sure, only one of them maybe deserved it, but what

comes around goes around. And it reminded me of that YouTube video. Have you ever seen that YouTube video of the slap where the guy's in the backyard and he just starts slapping everybody? Like, pop, pop, pop, pop. Even the little children. And the cops show up and they're like, you can't do that.

And two of them come in at once and he goes, pop. Like a double slap. Pop, pop, pop. There's a cat in a tree. He goes, pop. Just everybody gets a fucking slap. Yeah, Ortega slapped the shit out of everybody within sight that he thought needed it. What an asshole.

Whenever I think of these situations, talk shit, get hit. Come on, Woody, this is your man. He's a translator. No, I don't like it. Oh, okay. His only job is to talk shit. He's a translator. I do see where you're coming from with this.

I think it's funny. But whenever I see this stuff going, I put myself in the shoes of the civilian. What? The guy's a professional athlete. But the translator had a great line. So they said, hey, are you going to sue Brian Ortega? And by the way, this guy's a successful musician.

And he tweets out, nah, I don't sue people who have less than I do. That's a big T move, man. A high T move. Sounds to me like he's cruising for a second bruising. He's on Instagram too. He's seen that. He's coming for more. Who's the 170 pounder who's huge right now?

He's like Cuban background, maybe. Jose, I can't do his name. Reyes? No. He's like in line for a title fight. He's a street fighter first. He just beat Nate Diaz. Oh, are we talking about Masvidal?

Yeah, Jorge Masvidal. Yeah. So when Jorge Masvidal had a story come out recently where he was in like a bar fight or something and he beat up two guys. All right. So then Jorge Masvidal goes into the bathroom. And then a third guy who may or may not have even been part of this situation. Might have just had to piss.

Walks into the bathroom and Jorge knocks him out too. Says, I couldn't take a chance. You're a fucking top flight UFC fighter. What chance were you taking by letting this guy see if he goes to the urinal or to you first? But no, he ambushes a civilian who might have had nothing to do with it. We don't know. We don't know why he entered the bathroom. Well, if he pisses his pants now,

we'll know, huh? And he knocks him out. Yep. I fucked up. This guy, Jay Park, I don't want to put him down. He doesn't look like a fighter. He doesn't look like a guy who works out.

He's like a guy who runs his mouth, so he looks like me. He's a messenger. I think he was saying things that the Korean wasn't saying. Oh, yeah? I think he was adding things that the korean wasn't saying no yeah he was adding a little bit to it that's the story i got that he was he was saying some things that the korean zombie hadn't uh hadn't actually said he was he was talking some shit that's not the case actually korean zombie did say that i talked to brian ortega and he said uh-huh uh korean zombies he wrote this thing i want to it take me a second to find it but it was essentially you know what it's better

if i find it uh korean zombie on jay park this shouldn't take long. It's all about the, oh, I guess he apologized and he offered a more sincere apology. That's taking too long. But Korean Zombie essentially said, hey, you waited until I went to the bathroom and then you hit my friend were you trying to get my attention were you trying to get me mad because it worked I want to meet you in the octagon I'm going to beat the fuck out of you it's working

they got me hype I want to see this fight Brian Ortega not a fan anymore I liked this guy this guy came from nothing worked so hard he became one of the top

fighters on the planet i liked his story but now he goes around beating up people that like so you're okay when khabib did it though what it could be khabib beat up a trained fighter that guy has a flight with a bunch of goons with him though that. He jumped off the top rope and hit that guy. No, in the hotel when he went after Artem Lobov. Oh, I didn't like that move. Yeah. No, Artem Lobov was all alone. I didn't like that.

Oh, and he threw that chair? That was Conor McGregor, but that's funny. No, no, that was Khabib. Khabib threw a dolly at a bus that had Conor and a bunch of women. And there were a bunch of women on there, too. I knew it was that dirty Russian who did it. Yeah, that's how they are. And then they pinned it on Conor and a bunch of women on there too. I knew it was that dirty Russian who did it. Yeah, that's how they are. And then they pinned it on Conor.

He was squatting, waiting. It was actually a charity benefit that Conor was attending. He wasn't even fighting that night. He was there to do some charity work for an old man he had punched. Unrelated attack. Now Kyle's all about defending the Irish now that he knows he's one

that's what it is aye yeah no I didn't like it when Khabib the guy did call Khabib a pussy and that guy was a fighter but the numbers thing made it kind of unfair

they all got those neck beards they all do the Abe Lincoln beard thing they all do the Abe Lincoln beard thing. They all have the Abe Lincoln. Every single one of them with a shaved head. It's like a Muslim thing. And you never see a woman with them because they're not allowed. Is that why? Yeah! They keep those ladies wrapped up.

That's why Connor was talking about the thread count of Khabib's wife. That is a great line. Your wife is 400 thread count. My wife, I was where you are. I grew up in that shithole you came from. She'd be in fucking Lenin. She'd be in fucking Egyptian sheets.

2,000 thread count. I don't even know if that's normal. He said all that stuff about, you know, he's a misogynist. Yeah, he's a smart guy. You know? No problem with a man who'll beat up an old man, all right? To not beat up the old man is almost an insult to the old man.

He's like, ah, you're not worth my time. That's an insult. That man felt honored when Conor McGregor decked him when he wasn't looking. I mean, when you're right, you're right. That's why I beat up people in wheelchairs every so often, so that they feel abled. Just so they know what the score is. I've seen you beat up many a skinny gamer

in a motel room, alright? Let's not act like you're not taking the best in writing. Name one from 7th Street. The easiest way to beat up a crippled person is to do it near stairs. Woody's beating up every COD YouTuber with less than a million subscribers in North America. All right? That's not true.

I saw him get after Bash one time outside the elevator. That's not true. Oh, wait, that is true. Bash had fear in his eyes. He was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I forgot. But no, that wasn't bullying at all. Stone Cold stunnered him.

It was crazy. He got up. People's elbow. People were wrestling. Bash and Onslaught wrestled that night too. It was just guys goofing. It was just boys being boys

yeah a couple of no good nicks doing what they had most fun doing uh but yeah i don't know i i actually didn't like it when ortega hit the translator i can't imagine why you do that who could be confused about him talking the shit yeah my what i heard was that he was saying things that the korean zombie had not said which is what is the korean zombie's real name it must be hard as fuck to pronounce it they're gonna call the korean zombie it must be hukang kongtan or some not i can look it up i don't know if it'll work well in any case i saw that kim a little bit more corona talk Have you seen this video of the monkeys? Oh, yes. A monkey video? I know Taylor likes monkeys.

Oh, I immediately thought of Taylor. Yeah, yeah. Let's watch his monkey. There's no audio on it or anything. You can just roll it and we can talk over it. This is in Thailand, I believe. Hordes of starving monkeys storm Latburi in central Thailand after the tourists who usually feed them fled due to coronavirus. Wow. I'm ready to watch these monkeys. Yeah, I'm at zero. This is so many fucking monkeys.

I want to make a joke, but I'm going to restrain myself. I appreciate that. So do our sponsors. Yes, they do. Alright, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. to our sponsors yes they do all right i'm ready um ready set play look how many there are so if you're only listening on audio this is the part where you just like click over to youtube just to see the monkeys real quick all right there's a thousand monkeys i saw a different

title so many monkeys uh the one i saw was on Nature's Metal, and they said that rival monkey gangs have begun to fight because of the food shortage, because of the lack of tourists. Wow. You're talking about monkey-on-monkey violence? Look at that. Oh, shit. Oh, that monkey must have found a bag of chips or something. There's a Twinkie in the bottom of that pile.

Holy shit. Wouldn't you like to be out there with a big loaf of bread that you could just throw out there and watch the shenanigans go down? That part would be fun, but you'd have to get rid of that loaf of bread quick. You don't want to hang on to that thing. These little fuckers are speedy. Or if you could find somebody you didn't like,

we used to do this thing in the car dealership where we had balloons on Saturdays for the event. We would take a paper clip, tie the balloon to it, and make it into a little fish hook thing and you hook it onto the back of somebody's belt loops. They're walking around unknowingly with a big balloon right above their head greeting customers looking like a jackass. That's pretty funny.

What if you did the same thing, but somebody's walking around with like a sandwich tied to them, dragging on the ground and the monkeys start chasing them and they start running from the monkeys and they don't know why. The old hot dog on a string trick. A tale as old as time. Man, I love monkey videos. That was a good one. You're right, that must have been a thousand monkeys.

So many monkeys. And none of the people seemed really that alarmed. They're like, oh, the monkeys are pissy today. Not the monkeys again. Ah, shit. How much were tourists feeding those monkeys? Right? That's a lot of monkeys to feed. Thousands of them to freak out. I bet they sell food

for the tourists to feed the monkeys. Yeah, probably. I love petting zoos where you go and it's like a gumball machine. You put a quarter in, you turn it, get a bunch of feed. You get to feed the llamas or the kangaroos or whatever they got. I hate petting zoos. Oh, I love petting zoos. It's fun to pet.

You should come to our petting zoo and leave with fleas and see how much you like them afterwards, all of us itching in the car. All right, well, that's a good point. I don't want to hit fleas from petting some critters. The camels were curiously kind and gentle. The way that they take food from your hand, they just use their lips like fingers and pick it up.

Yeah, they got like prehensile lips. Just suck it on in. I wouldn't want to feed a camel because I feel like they'd be nasty. Not like gross, but I feel like they'd be mean. No, they're not. I've fed camels before. There's a camel named Sushi in Texas at the ranch that I was staying at. It would eat carrots.

You do that thing where you put your palm flat so you don't give it any fingers to get at. It's got lips that are very dexterous. It grabs at its lips. I would feed them carrots. Diced up baby carrots. Love that shit.

I'd go up to the fence and I'd go, Sushi! He'd come thundering. He'd come'd go up to the fence and i've got like sushi and he'd come like thundering to the fence and you'd be like is he gonna be able to stop it time and then he'd stop just before the fence be like huh and just like this enormous animal yeah so big they're so much bigger than you think they are like they make up so much bigger than a horse. Like not even close. Yeah. Enormous. Like you're, I don't know, nine feet tall, 10 feet tall? Like huge. Huge.

Well, we watched that clip a while back of somebody upsetting a camel and it just like grabbed him by the meat in the collarbone area and then just flipped him back. I cannot jump the distance. You have to toss me. I like to believe that's what was happening. Do not tell the elf. Not a word to the elf. Yeah, I guess I would feed a camel then. I thought they'd be...

Or no, do camels spit? They spit, right? I haven't seen it, but I've read about it. This camel did not spit on me or anything. I never saw it spit. I've heard llamas spit. It's more like blowing their nose at you than anything. That's worse.

Yeah. They had kangaroos there. The kangaroo was fucking cool because they've got these little hands. So you give them a carrot and he just goes, thank you. And you're like, holy shit. He's like, what, you're not going to do that? You want to see what else I can do?

Get closer. I've got well-defined pecs. You know how rare that is in the animal kingdom? To have an upper chest girdle? They're outrageously powerful. Yeah. His kangaroo was nutty. You could kill anything that was there if you paid.

Like, if you wanted to kill the camel, I want to say it was like $8,000. Oh, to kill poor Sushi? Yeah. Oh. That's hilarious that every animal on there is a prey. Everything's on the menu. Like, it's almost like, you know, like...

Now, who would you say is your friendliest animal? Yeah. Well, that's Wally the pig over there. The one playing with the little kids. His nickname, we just call him Trustin. Good old Trustin Wally. He's getting belly rubs.

How much for that one right there? That one's nine million dollars. You can't just kill my kids for cheap. How much for that one right there? That one's $9 million. You can't just kill my kids for cheap. Yes. That's my cousin Leroy. He's worth a shit. I'll give you $15.

Now, some guy trying to like suavely come into that ranch would be like, Now, I've heard talk in Hollywood of people hosting hunts for the most dangerous game. You mean lions? Nope, I think you know what I mean.

Do you have people perhaps seized at the border that are running around? I told you about the night we went Mexican hunting, right? I'm sure you have. I think so. Did you ride an ATV to an abandoned house?

Did you get any? And get scared by a mannequin? Yes. Oh, the mannequin one. It was not funny. It was not funny. It was dangerous for everyone but me. Kyle, I think it was funny.

I disagree. He took me out to an abandoned house. First of all, this guy's property is 20,000 acres. I can't wrap my head around that, and I grew up around massive acreage farms that I knew that, like, oh, yeah, this is 600 acres. It takes us 10 minutes to drive around it. My dad, a couple hundred acres.

All right, we could walk around this whole place in a few hours. 20,000 is just, you can't fathom it. You would need to see it from an airplane. So they drive me out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, late at night. And I'm armed, very armed. I have a Tarkov setup. I've got a fully automatic M4 with a 30 rounder. I got extra 30 rounders on my tactical rig. All right. I've got red goggles. This is a TARCOP setup.

Please tell me you had swordings and a helmet. No, no helmet. Later on, we had helmets. We did. They had fucking night vision goggles on them. But no helmet at this point. And they're like, yeah, we're not far from the border. Sometimes illegals will come up through here,

come onto the ranch, and they'll stay in this abandoned place up here. We've caught them before. I was like, what do you do? He's like, we call border patrol. They come and get them. You're like, let's clear the house. And I'm like, let me go first.

Let me be the tip of the spear. And so I'm fucking clearing this house with a goddamn machine gun. Like I'm a SWAT team flashlight and just this corner that corner i'm checking you feeling really cool i was feeling scared because they told me they might be in there and i like i've taken a bunch of special forces training classes out in uh like various places like how to clear rooms that you check this corner and then that corner and like usually there's a target that you go

and so i finally get to the back room and i i look up and there's a big fucking dude there staring at me must be six foot three six foot four and he's got his arm cocked back and i fucking pull that thing up to his chest and I realized it's John Elway and I'm just like what if I burnt John Elway down and those bullets go through this fucking wall and take somebody out I don't know which direction I'm facing right now this was No, that's pretty funny. Did you make any audible noises? Did you go like, whoop? I don't think I did. I think I just went... But your heart's pitter-pattering?

Oh, yeah. My heart was pounding. Yeah, yeah. My heart was going as soon as I walked in because this is what we train for. Like, how many fucking silly classes and special forces operators have i like hung out with and like how many shoot rooms have i been through and they're like all right might be some coming sharrows in there there might be some fucking uh drug runners

hiding in my cabin and i'm like what do i do you fucking burn them down all right let's fucking go let's go burn down John Elway. It's fucking John Elway. What do I now, hypothetical, what do I do if I call across a Hall of Fame quarterback? Fuck, he saw right through us. I didn't think that was funny.

I assumed they were smart enough to stand behind, you know, where you'd be not on the wrong side of John Elway. I don't think that was funny. I assumed they were smart enough to stand behind where you'd be, not on the wrong side of John Elway. I don't know. There were so many people around. There were a dozen of us. There was the guy who runs the place and me and Richard Ryan

and Eric from Iraq Veteran 8888 and his friend Chad who cameramans for him and two or three ranch hands and some of us were inside but most of us were outside. You know what Eric did in Iraq? What his role was there? I believe he was an

infantryman. I know he oversaw the capture and interrogation of some high value targets. Oh cool. Or something to that regard. That was handed over to Iraqis. The torturing?

Yeah. I bet they're pretty good at it. From what I hear. What do you guys feel about torture? You know, I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm going to say two thumbs down to torture. It hurts.

I would describe it as... Oh, we're talking about torture on the whole or being tortured? Torture as a use of... As a government policy. To extract... Well, look, I... I know a lot about... We'll just call him an agent of the government

who's been in a lot of sticky situations, all right? He's dealt with... big threats, conspiracies, andacies I'll just say his name Jack Bauer Sure So you know him I'm very familiar with him All of his work

I've seen him go to work on one of these jihadis With a power drill Kiefer fucked him up Kiefer will get that information out of you all right he only had 24 hours he was in a hurry he only had 24 hours he that's efficiency right there i had a schedule under budget he'd be a trump man full and full and through i'm mixed on it i really find it difficult uh if if what if what they say is true and that information extracted through torture is not useful, then it's terrible.

And by the way, when we torture, it opens up fair play to us getting tortured, right? You know, we can't say treat our people nicely, give them three squares in an air-conditioned room if we're going to torture your people, right? We have no grounds for that. So there's a lot of arguments you can make against it on the other hand if it does prevent a 9-11 then that's important too it just does it can it i i thought that they said that when they they waterboarded a lot of valuable intel out of zarkawi uh zarkawi zark zarkawi the guy that shows enough the beard and his whitey tighties on the internet. That poor fella.

They waterboard him like 30 or 40 fucking times or something like that. I don't know. I don't know if it works or not. You always see people, you know, whenever I'm reading about it or watching something about it, they say, nope, doesn't work. Yeah. Doesn't work. But I'm thinking like, it'd work on me me what if you didn't know it still work on you

it might yeah that's why they like like the three of us were together and we need something they'd separate they torture they separate us and torture separately and if the stories don't match up or torture more torture um and i've i'm told that it works against a lot of regular people against religious people their level of conviction is harder to turn around perhaps that would make sense harder to crack that egg yeah they're they're completely brainwashed probably gullible and old we're gullible and young yeah it's age-related. Do what you want with me. I sent $100 to Kenneth Copeland last night.

You go ahead and use your water magic on me. I've already been blessed by the hands of the... I'm so sorry. Get it! Get it to help Is that how his hands got wet? I don't think George Bush would have lied to us

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he's got all the torture influence like rolled up in a cloth and he displays them on the table. He unrolls that cloth and inside are pockets with corkscrews and syringes and scalpels. He don't even have to unroll that thing. When I see him get that out, he's like, well, Mr. Myers, hey, no need to unravel

that. I know where this is headed. All right, look. Woody's house. Here's what you need to know. These are my woodworking chisels. I know where this is headed. All right, look. Woody's house. Here's what you need to know. Like, no, these are my woodworking chisels. I'm very proud of them. I want to unroll this. It's part of the thing. Remember that scene in,

maybe you didn't see it, in Boardwalk Empire, where the KKK hangs a black guy, or maybe two or three. They're terrorizing the black people. And the character who plays Omar in The Wire, he's a central figure in there. And they capture the KKK Grand Wizard and they got him tied to a chair. And Omar tells him this story about how his daddy was a carpenter.

And how he was the best carpenter in the whole county. And the rich white man came and had him build a shiffer robe or something. Some big... No, it was a whole room. He had him carve this whole room up, the walls and the molding, and how beautiful it was. And then he told his daddy he was only going to pay him a tenth of what he'd originally promised.

And when he argued, they hung him. They hung his daddy. Then on the table, he unrolls one of those cloths and he goes, these was my daddy's tools. It's wood chisels and all sorts of stuff like you're describing. The guy goes, what are you going to do with them? He walks out of the room later and the guy's like, did he know anything? He goes, nah. He hands him a cloth. The guy looks in the cloth and it's walks out of the room later and the guy's like did he know anything he goes nah and he he hands

him a cloth the guy looks in the cloth and it's the guy's finger with the kkk ring on it he's like nah he didn't know nothing i just love that scene when he that that line he goes after he tells that real heartfelt story about his daddy being like cheated and how talented his daddy was and then how they killed him he's like he unrolls all those chips these was my daddy's tools that's cool i like that you tell it well i i like old things old tools i have a few tools from my wife's grandfather from my wife's father my father wasn't really mechanical so that it's mostly from her side and i think it's neat i like to think every so often when i fix something that was tricky, that they'd be proud of the fact that their tool carry on. And yeah,

I like it. I watched this YouTube channel the other day. I'm looking, ah, here it is. It's so this YouTube channel is called great idea. I don't know who this guy is or where he's from. I think he's,

I think he's Russian. Um, obviously we won't watch this video it's quite long but he restores these tools me and my dad sat there transfixed watching this man restore an anvil and and soviet tool that's cool he goes to such great lengths to restore this anvil it starts out like rusty and shitty and like there's it's been used so much that the middle is like bowed in when he's done it looks like a work of art he polishes it with a buffer by the end like it's incredible he uses all these like he uses like electrolysis techniques or something

like that like running electrical current to make the rust fall off and then when it comes time to like make a new wooden stand for it to sit on he he's like he builds his own splitting maw like like like all every bit of it is a recovered salvaged thing like like he builds tools to make awesome it's cool i so this is a youtube genre and i i thought i'd maybe seen something from this guy before but not this guy i've seen other people that are comparable that take old like i don't know liquid filled gauge pressure meters or something that's just obviously ruined right like this thing is beyond repair you'd think and then you're like what like even just as they disassemble it it's like well humans can't reassemble that kind of thing you know like

all those little pieces and Springs, it's like he found an old watch underwater and he's going to take it apart, clean up all the internals and put it back together. Like it's mind blowing. It's amazing. And, and you know, like the level of rust that is on some of these things.

Like I see that it's been left in the grass for decades and they see it and they're like we can do this we'll make it perfect again it's pretty cool i like this is an awesome video i'm loving i like how he holds up the russian product that he's using and he's it's like oh i gotta get myself a don bisteliano or something it's just yeah some goofiness russian yeah i put the english translation usually below it because Dad and I were watching this and we kept trying to guess what he was going to do next. I was like, I think he's just making a new

chain to lock it down with. Is he going to cut down a tree to make the thing the anvil sits? Yep, he cut down a tree. Is he peeling the bark off now by hand? Yep. Sure is. Dude, he really wants this anvil by hand? Yep. Sure is. Dude, he really wants this anvil to be clean.

When he's done at the end. How much is an anvil, dude? If you skip forward to the very end, there's like 17 minutes and 55 seconds. You'll see what he ends up with. And it's beautiful. It shines. That's gorgeous. It looks brand new. It looks more than brand new. you can even buy an anvil that looks like that it's mirrored finished on the top

and it's like coated on the sides and i don't know what that sharp thing that sticks out it's like a big horn that you like like whatever that part of the anvil is called it's all buffed and polished up it's crazy uh he does lots of restorations like this it's 10 million views on this video I really enjoyed it you could buy a thousand anvils yeah wow I just got to the very end I skipped like minute minute minute and this thing is

outrageous like you said you can't buy that brand new anvils don't look as nice as that oh oh I got to the end where he goes to this old rusty motorcycle i'm very excited for the next video yeah right like i want to see him work on that like like i watched a few of these and uh he starts with absolute junk and when he's done it looks better than brand new yeah like he seems like he is an engineer a a chemist, a handyman, a woodworker.

I would imagine so because the title. I don't trust Russians on the internet anymore. You know what else is. Who's a fibber. Oh, machinery work. People who take a, they're like, you know what? I need a nut right when i have that problem i go to home depot these guys are like well here's a chunk of steel and a lathe

and i'm gonna first carve it out then i'm gonna file each edge into a hexagon and then i'm gonna drill a hole and thread the insides and look at this it's a perfect nut and like sergey's producers like there's an ace hardware three quarters of a mile up the road. Can we please? But it works better. He made an attachment that goes on like a cordless drill that turns it into a reciprocating saw. So the rotary action of the drill is turning a bearing

that's like at an angle. So as it rotates like as this thing that's off kilter rotates obviously you've got one end that's further away and one that's far away so when it rotates that's changing and it's pushing a rod and so the rod

is pushing a saw blade so he's like and it's a fucking reciprocating saw it's absurd like the guy's cool as shit. I have no idea what he looks like. I like that every time he does a close-up of something, his fingernails are dirty as fuck. There's always grease and grime on his hands and under his nails.

That's how you can know that he's really doing it. He's filthy. I feel like he was dirty when he started. I'm just flipping through one now. Guy has an old, rusted, ruined Zippo lighter. Doesn't even work properly. It doesn't open. I bet this turns out amazing.

I can't wait to watch this 1902 grain crusher restoration. I'm not really even joking. These kind of videos are satisfying. They're fun to watch. Yeah. There is a term for satisfying. They're fun to watch. Yeah. There is a term for it. I can't do. It's called competence porn.

When you watch people who are just really competent at what they do. Yeah. It's pretty neat. I like when people are manufacturing quickly. Like those jobs where they're like, shoot, shoot, shoot. Sometimes. Those guys are cool. quickly like those jobs where they're like shoot shoot like sometimes sometimes sometimes they introduce 19 unnecessary motions to make it look like they're moving quickly watch how quickly i put an item in a bag dude just put it in the bag you asshole well why you're acting like you're

moving fast but you're not you're performing kung fu and swatting at imaginary bees when you could just take a thing and put it in the bag like any normal fucking person now you're going to put orange in bag oh oh oh oh i try to tell you orange like you just put it in there i mean who's the guiltiest of that hibachi chefs i know it's not nearly as hard to crack that fucking egg prick make my make my fried rice you know who's the guiltiest of that? Hibachi chefs. I know it's not nearly as hard to crack that fucking egg prick. Make my fried rice. You know who I want to fight? I want to get into fist fights with everyone who hands you an ice cream cone and then pulls it out the top.

That whole scene. You thought you got the ice cream you paid. You look like a fool. You look like a fool again. That's when you'd be like, here's your $5, and I'm going to that other guy's ice cream stand. No, thank you. I'm straight up going to walk away before the sale is made. No, it's all in good fun.

That would have been a fun little thing to see. I like the hibachi guys. I like them, but do you think it's as hard as they're making? Every time you're chopping up the chicken, you don't need to go. but do you think it's as hard as they're making? Every time you're chopping up the chicken, you don't need to go. Like sometimes they're just hitting the table with a spatula,

making noise. You know, I like when they, I like when they juggle the egg with the spatula, when they're like flicking it and catching it over and over. Yeah. And then finally they flick it and then turn the spatula sideways. So it lands and cracks the egg and the, the egg spills out on the thing.

And then they flick the shell away and start making Your fried rice. I like it Make is the best fried rice ever always cuz so much oil in that don't try to flick any food at me though I'm not part of your show. Oh, I'm all about the food flicking. I have the I have the best time I don't get why everybody at the hibachi place to show shy about trying to catch food. It's fun It's a fun little easy fucking target they see you coming they're like oh i'm gonna try out some new moves today is the day i finally beat the yoshi's record no sir over here you sit in the close diagonal chair do you like very small

small pieces of shrimp you know what i don't like when they like i walk in and they want to like pour alcohol down my throat from nine feet away like no i don't want this at all i don't want alcohol on my shirt i don't want it in my mouth what is it it's it's it's alcohol yeah some of the stuff they do is alcohol like when they're doing the the onion thing and making the uh out of it that's like some kind of everclear or vodka or something because i remember when i was like 16 i was watching that happen like at a friend's birthday party hibachi and i was like what is that he was like i'll go i was like no it's not he's like open and he gave me like a shot and a half worth of whatever that was. And I was like 16.

I'm like, he's right, guys. This 42-year-old, this gentleman wasn't joking. You got to defy me. Now you get less shrimp than the rest. That's the other thing. They always get the portions right. Like there'll be eight people and they'll have a huge pile of rice. And by the time they're done, everybody has the exact same amount.

Everybody's got the right amount of beef and chicken and pork and veggies. Their veggies are delusionally good because you're like, this is the best zucchini I've ever had. And it's like, yeah, because it's been soaking in oil. That's why it tastes so delicious. I'm a big fan of the hibachi place. I'll tell you what I've ever had. It's like, yeah, because it's been soaking in oil. That's why it tastes so delicious. I'm a big fan of the hibachi place. I'll tell you what I don't like. You bring a Filipino out there and have that motherfucker start.

That's not it. You're not even from that island. I can suspend disbelief. You might as well wheel a fucking Hawaiian out there. All right? You might as well have a fuckingkee indian cooking me up some curry kyle is very strict on his casting i want to jap in there making that fucking food all right don't you bring me uh some taiwanese and he only goes to jewish doctors and uh wasp or asian

doctors yeah that's how he is yeah no like you i also spend disbelief for a filipino person or a chinese person but you bring a white guy or a black guy out there that's not why i i'm paying for the experience hi i see if i hi my name's alan my name's alan stevenson and i'm here to prepare your bocce for you how's that sound it's like how about you how about you just take a long walk of a short pier and bring a real Asian over here to cook you my food? Get Mickey Mora out here or I'm going to fucking beat it. When Kyle goes to Whole Foods, if that guy slicing his cantaloupe isn't named Noah,

he's out of there. Yeah, I won't have that either. If I go to some legit French restaurant and I found out they just named a Chinese guy Pierre to fool me, so they could say, oh, this is made by Pierre. Level soul.

Like all their weird sounds and their names like i wouldn't like that i want a mustachioed frenchman in the back this actually doesn't bother me at all i don't care if he's it's not racism i just want an expert cooking this ethnic food like like i want a white but no you said you wanted a japanese guy there could be experts of any color and race no no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If I... Maybe I already told you this, but the other day when I was cooking those pinto beans and

ham hocks, I had to order ham hocks and onions and cornbread mix and pinto beans and all this good stuff, and a black lady delivered it, and she goes, you're cooking good. I she goes, you cooking good. I was like, you're goddamn right.

She knows. Cause this is some black people food. It's delicious. They love it. It's soul food. I would love, I bet she could have cooked it almost as well as I could. I don't want.

If I have soul food, the chef better be a black woman. Yeah. I don't want some white guy named Kyle cooking my soul food. Maybe you don't. Maybe you don't. You're not going to get any actual soul in there. I promise you that. If you go to a nice-ass Italian place where the chef brings the food out to you to explain things,

and you're sitting there having your whatever fancy Italian wine and breads, some guy comes out, and he's like, now this hair is Veal Marsala. And it's real good. It's one of my favorite of the Italian food. It takes you out of it. I don't want that. They should at least have a dummy guy to come out. I'm Chef Antonio

Margheriti. Borgatti. Gourlami. Gourlami. Let me hear the music in it Gourlami I see where you're coming from Yeah I want If I'm eating regional ethnic food

Like get me somebody of the ethnicity And from that region I love Mexican food But if I go of the ethnicity and from that region i go to i love mexican food but if i go to the local mexican spot there's some white people some black people some asian people anything but a mexican fella back there making those refried beans i i don't trust it i don't want it it's funny to count on my own argument there's a new york deli in carrie they're all new yorkers it's like stepping into new y York they're all in a rush if you don't order your food with like real

economy of words they get annoyed at you like it's so New York it's like be at home it's like be at home I can't wait to get back to the Big Apple where everybody's a fucking cunt I was in New Jersey working for Cisco

and I was recruiting people from Rutgers. I'm in New Brunswick. And I asked for directions before GPS was in everyone's phone, and the guy was mad at me while he was describing it. He's like, Go left, go right. You'll see that building. You make a straight or whatever the fuck he said.

And he was mad at me. It was like, all all right i'm home again i held a door open for a man in new york city once and he looked at me like i like i was a fucking martian he was i don't even know if i want to go in there anymore yeah is this a trick you're gonna trick me aren't me aren't you you're gonna trip me or your boys are waiting in there to jump me huh uh? Ah, not today. I don't need a sub that bad. Today is not the day to die. Yeah.

How does that, is that the right, was I closer on target? I get it. What'd you say? Today is not the day to die. No, what do we tell the god of death? Not today. That's it. Ah, yeah. Or if you're, the Klingon proverb is, today is a good day to die. Ooh. What an awful proverb. Well, they're a warrior species. Not a good day to die. Ooh. What an awful proverb.

Well, they're a warrior species. Not very good ones, apparently. Fight to the death. Today is a good day to die. I'm Leonidas, and today we all die. I think Taylor might be on to something. He says, eat hearty and sleep well, men. For tonight we dine in hell. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

But also, those were insurmountable odds. You don't want to go into every battle 300 versus 300 with that attitude. Even though he's Greek, he sort of sounds Scots. Wait a goddamn minute. You're not even trying to do an accent. Yeah, he slips a lot out of that i want to see more plates more dates talk about the men of 300 because i watched that when i first watched it i thought their physiques were outrageously good i watched it again and there

was just a lot of makeup in there the more plates more dates got and by the way dude if you see this i really like your videos um he would be like these fuckers are all just fat half these guys look like they don't work out like they think captain america's fat the 300 crew they're they were not in the shape that i thought they were i thought they were all superhero looking. They're not. Leonidas looked good. Look again. They were airbrushed. So they were airbrushed and spray tanned and stuff. But they were legit at the same time. They were in awesome, amazing shape. You couldn't airbrush any of us into looking like that.

No. There's no amount of brushing in the world that's not invisible. It's going to hide things. This is our love handle hiding spray we need some harry potter invisibility cloaks to make this look good but i'm having a hard time finding actual pictures that aren't like photoshopped and screenshotted and stuff but if you watch the movie itself they're not as fit as probably your memory has it maybe not i watched it last week all right last week i'm a big fan

of 300 it's a great movie second one really yeah i've never re-watched the second one that was kind of shit i didn't like it i could make you warlord of all of europ. Carry my battle standard. What's he say when he gets mad? He's like, I will make utterly, even the very name of Leonidas punishable by death. I will tear the tongues from every scribe, the eyes from every orator.

History will never know that you existed at all. I think it's impossible to do that guy's voice. It's so deep down here. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's a ridiculously deep voice that isn't natural. There's no way

that's what he sounds like. They had to edit that somehow. They obviously edited what he looks like because he's like nine feet tall. He's absurd. I have a generous God. I have a generous God. have a generous God yeah that's a great I love that movie I remember when I heard it was coming out I was

so psyched because I had this 10th grade teacher who told us the story of the Battle of Thermopylae and the Hot Gates and Leonidas and the Spartans and all this stuff and he told it well like he performed this story and I was just spellbound transfixed listening to this guy tell this story. And he broke down the Spartan training regiment and the Agogi and all this stuff that they went through from the time they were seven years old.

And how they were a warrior race and how like hundreds and hundreds of years went by without them losing a battle in a region of the world where battle was common. Then I heard they were making that movie and I was like, yes. Fuck yeah. I still like it. That came out like 15 years ago or something now, didn't it?

Yeah. I was in high school when I saw it. 2004, 2005, I think. Maybe 2006. Yeah. Yeah. Around 2004, 2005, I think. Maybe 2006. Yeah. 2005 or 6, I would say. Yeah, that place was fucking sick. Or that movie, rather, was fucking sick.

Yeah, the sequel sucked. Yeah, they really fucked that one up. It's actually hard to find a shot that shows their... I've been looking at it, right? Either all the shots are from the collarbone up and don't show their physique or they're full face mask and it's not the actual actor.

That's fair. There are videos of them doing their workout because they worked out together. I've seen some of that. And the abs were straight up painted on. We've all heard or seen that you put oil on your abs and they look much better

than they were they didn't do that no they straight up like put the cross and T's and outlined all six and you know painted in between them to give imaginary shadows and stuff yeah yeah they airbrushed them this is crazy fucking Amazon is sold out of toilet paper

they've been sold out of toilet paper. They've been sold out. I've been trying to buy... You can get some Angel Soft, but that shit sucks. I bought so much toilet paper. Whenever I first started talking about stockpiling, I went and got the mega roll. I don't know how many rolls. I think it's 36 rolls, and they're like the triple rolls

that won't even go on the toilet roll holder yeah i don't need toilet paper no i could eat just nothing but chicken wings for two months and be hunky dory yeah those greasy long wipes those i got the sriracha sriracha i got the sriracha chicken cup of noodles they're delicious delicious. I love them. I love them. Add a little extra sriracha in there. Get it spicy as fuck. Boil them up. I got a bunch of Spam. Me too. Mixed with eggs. If I make some scrambled eggs and Spam, that's a nice little combo with some hot sauce.

Yep. I got a lot of Spam. Spam gets a bad rap. I got some pate. I watch so much of the MRE review guy. You guys hit him up on Twitter. See if he wants to come on the show sometime. I'd love to talk to him about this. This is a good time to talk to him. He's a survivalist for sure.

Yeah. So he's always breaking out pate out of these foreign MREs. And I was like, I want some pate. And so I ordered a bunch of pate and it's fucking good. It's just like creamed meat product. Like it's really smooth and you eat it with a cracker. I got like some pork liver and I got some chicken and it's fucking tasty. Yeah. meat product. It's really smooth and you eat it with a cracker. I got some pork liver and I got some chicken and it's fucking tasty.

Yeah, I've just got a bunch of that canned white meat chicken breast shit. Yeah, I didn't think that would be too good. So I didn't get any of that. Oh no, I'm going to have to really douse that in anything if it comes down to eating it. I'm anticipating any amount of quarantining I'll have to do.

I have enough food upstairs in my freezer and fridge that I won't have to worry about it, but quarantining I'll have to do. I have enough food upstairs in my freezer and fridge that I won't have to worry about it, but it's good to have that back. I got those steamed vegetables, the ones you just microwave. I got a freezer full of those. They're so good. I love that broccoli and those Brussels sprouts. You just salt the shit out of it, though.

No, I do. There's going to be an economic slowdown on the other side of this, right? Right now, Charmin is just rolling in the cash making all the toilet paper they can come april or june or whenever this thing fades people like people gonna have to work through the 192 rolls they bought people who make like or companies who make like daily use kind of commodity products are seeing a huge spike in sales right now and you're exactly right it's because people

are prep buying where it's like you know i'm a loyal jif peanut butter consumer but i usually buy one jar every three weeks or whatever i'm gonna go ahead and buy four right now and so like the jif company or whatever is stoked on that but you're right there's gonna be a a big drop off which is you know not not i do but it's not even like it's that bad, you know, Jimmy Fallon, The Tonight Show and The Late Show are just both suspended production, by the way. Oh, no. Ellen DeGeneres.

Disneyland's closed. Ellen DeGeneres is no longer doing a live audience. I thought you were going to say she's no longer gay, which would have been a huge break. So, no. I mean, yeah, you shouldn't have a live audience at this point. It's just too risky. Interesting that

Jimmy Fallon is not doing a show anymore? Nope, suspended. Well, I mean suspended until this is over, right? After tonight, the earliest either show will return would be March 30th, but that's just still unlikely probably

a pipe dream yeah yeah yeah according to that joe rogan guy march 30th is not when this is going to come to a close we're going to be dealing with this for months yeah and i trust him he had that soft-spoken confidence of a guy who knows what the fuck he's talking about the exact opposite of me and he was white jesus christ he had the white hair of a wizened man yeah and the white skin of a wizened man exactly yeah that's and that's where i take my viral my virology info from. Old guys who have been thinking about nothing but like AIDS and SARS for decades. Yeah. What else did you buy?

Any other interesting meat products? Oh, I bought some spam. I bought a bunch of soups like hearty chicken noodle and like pot roasts. Yeah, I got the Dinty Moore pot roast. Chicken tortilla soup. I got a bunch of those giant ass cans of Chef Boyardee beef ravioli. I like those. That was more of just to like

if I'm going to be locked up, I may as well have something fucking delicious. A little Frank's Red Hot on those. Yeah, I got a bunch of hot sauce. And then for like vegetables and stuff i was more looking at like the vitamins you need and that you'll you'll need so i've already got like d vitamin uh plus vitamin k2 supplements that are good i'm fermenting my own hot sauce in there i'm gonna i'm gonna call it hot wings of redemption and it's gonna i'm gonna have the only jar in the world lots of hell yeah yeah that's a unique idea i've never ever heard that certainly not three years ago yeah i bought a canned spinach a bunch of canned green beans uh canned they're like whole canned new potatoes i got those too yeah a ton of vitamin c in it and

so i got a ton of those and i like those new potatoes they taste good uh i got i had some beans in my upstairs cupboard that i've got down there now um i got a bunch of drink a bunch of bottled water and a bunch of those like uh drink mixes like tang oh yeah i've got some mios that i can add in there but i've got like two gallons of water and then i've got what is that over there 85 bottles 16 out 60.9 yeah i got 100 bottles or so yeah just bought a giant case yeah so i think i'm gonna be okay but i also think i'm gonna end up getting sick at some point yeah i'm not going outside i'm not having any contact with people uh from the outside um you know i think i'll be okay nothing's getting delivered really things that do get delivered

i sterilize right away really carefully like When that's like selling your door dash. Yeah. Yeah, really I am Yeah Like I like saw the whole package before I tear it open and I'm really careful with and I wash my hands after like when I when that flag came and I got some more stuff coming tomorrow good from Amazon All that gets sterilized. I really don't wanna get sick. I just don't like getting sick. Oh, yeah, nobody does it sucks especially the flu. From what it seems like, other than the

hard of breath shit, this is kind of just like having a normal terrible flu. I don't know that I've ever had the flu. You've never had the flu? I've never had the flu before. I've probably had it like four times in my life. I've had pneumonia before.

I had some level of it a few weeks ago maybe it was corona yeah maybe it was did you have trouble breathing? did you not feel like you could fill your lungs? because apparently that's like a weather vane of this compared to the normal flu you got corona? I don't think I had breathing trouble it might have just been a regular flu

question is if Woody gets the corona do we still do the show with him? Is that safe? Certainly not. No. No. I should definitely get some time off. Hey guys, it's just Kyle and I today. Woody unfortunately has the coronavirus and meanwhile you're streaming.

I'm playing Tarkov. I'm a little sniffly, but whatever. I told those retards to be without me. The big-headed one believes anything he really thinks it's gonna be a global pandemic he's kind of into conspiracy so i rolled with it this dumbass stockpiling potatoes and canes yeah so i'm like how much well it's just like for just you or your company or whoever's there kyle like how how much time do you think you have with your food stores i would imagine a good bit since

you cook a lot so your fridge is probably pretty i think i've got three months i think i legitimately think i have three months um at least because i also have like i if i still have electricity and water coming in especially then i have a bread machine and i have like two of the big containers of yeast and like 10 pounds of bread flour like i could cook bread forever for like you know dozens of loaves of bread you know and i've got so much soup and canned vegetables and fruit cocktail which i've never even eaten before but i thought well i'm gonna need some vitamin c and then just and I've got so much soup and canned vegetables and fruit cocktail, which I've never even eaten before, but I thought, well,

I'm going to need some vitamin C and, and just, man, it's not bad. I got, I got 10 pounds of sugar. Uh, you know,

like, like you get to the end of the road and you're just sitting in your empty house, spoonfuls of sugar. It works in dark. I was thinking it. I didn't say it. Absolutely black.

It's like 70. Yeah. Yeah. I've got so it. Absolutely black. It's like 70 energy in there. Yeah, I've got so much. And I already had like... I probably got 30 of those microwavable vegetable packs of asparagus and broccoli and brussel sprouts and

fiesta corn and stuff like that. I don't know. I don't know how long it would go. At least three months, I would say. That's good. How about you, Woody? Do you have a little store? I don't even know. The way our family works is I bring in the money and she spends it.

Well, tell her to get out there and fly yourself. I mean, the pantry looks full to me. She'd ask to do a little census down there right now a little little little uh take stock hmm yes ask her what non-perishable items do we currently have jackie besides the dog well in dire times you could eat off that dog for a while we got two of them that big yeah one looks like a cow. We could trick a local. Her name is Bessie. God, the milk is awful.

Good Lord. I swear, only a teaspoon of it comes out. Yeah. Well, come on, kids. Get your cereal bowls around here. She ain't got but one teat, but we're going to work with it. Now, according to the owner, it's called a Belgian Barking Cat.

Watch out, she bites. Oh, she likes it when you milk her, though. You're thinking of the boy. I watched the whole time. Yeah. Oh, God. That'd be so funny. You're so dire.

You're taking a female dog and milking it. Drinking dog milk. Remember that on Meet the Parents? Meet the fuckers? Oh, well, that was the sequel. That's when they meet Ben Stiller's parents. But at first, Ben Stiller's meeting meeting her parents and it's uh it's de niro and he's telling a story about milking the cat and then there's like you can milk a cat oh oh yeah and it's just a lie that he's gotten caught up in but he can't stop lying you can uh you can

milk anything with nipples and de niro goes i've got nipples craig could you milk me i like the volleyball scene you know like it oh everyone's amazing at volleyball in this they're playing water volleyball they're in a swimming pool with a net across and they're all playing and he hits it like nice and just get wrecked these guys are all like pro beach volleyball players for some reason so ben stiller gets it he gets his best effort and he slams it, hits the girl in the nose, and everyone is like, oh, what are you doing? It's just a game. Don't forget the Speedo that they made him wear.

He didn't have a bathing suit, so they come out with like a Speedo, and it's incredibly revealing. And to his credit, he's fit, but nobody looks good in a Speedo. Bill Burr talks about him being that fit. Do you remember? Have you seen Bill Burr talk about it? I think it was on Rogan. They're talking about male beauty standards and stuff like that.

And they're like, everybody needs to be hot. Unless you're playing a role of a not hot guy, by default, you are a product. And that product should be buffed and polished and shined and worked out and et cetera. And then they're like, I saw Ben stiller on meet the parents i guess and he's got abs he's gonna have to guys fit guys obviously hit the gym and prepared for a comedy role where he plays the boyfriend and uh yeah that's what it takes in hollywood yeah i'm gonna try to find an image yeah i mean he's in pretty good shape here you have a link no not yet okay so i'm in a whole like montage of him this is not what i want i know he got really ripped for tropic thunder too

like like his arms are real big i almost don't think of ben stiller as a guy who can do that but he is yeah he was real fit in tropic thunder I didn't think about that his little tight armed fatigues I did not like Tropic Thunder as much as you guys did I had to power through that movie I worked to get to the end what didn't you like about it that was hilarious where was the funny part

the whole thing when Jack Black is tied to the tree and telling him he'll suck his dick for a little bit of heroin like that was a funny part when Ben Stiller is picking up that jack the bat comes down and grabs the tree and telling him he'll suck his dick for a little bit of heroin. That was a funny part when Ben Stiller's picking up that Jack Black. That bat comes down and grabs the cocaine and flies away. No, no. It's just Jay Scaffrey. Yeah, Jack Black was hilarious.

That guy who was gay and selling booty juice or booty sweat, whatever it was called. That was funny. Bustin' nut. Yeah, bustin' nut. And fucking Robert A. Jr. is Osiris Jones the whole time. And he's like, everything our people's been through.

We got to stick together, brother. And he's like, our people? The whole thing. Tom Cruise, like calling, you know, talking on the phone with the warlord. I like that. And it didn't work out. No, of course not. He's a movie executive arguing with the warlord i like that yeah and it didn't work out no but the whole premise was he was a movie executive he's like i do this for a living

i'm very good at negotiating give me this and he you know it doesn't work at all and then tom cruise did that dance was that part of the movie or the credits or that was in the credits, yeah. I think that was my favorite part. He busts a little move when he's negotiating with Matthew McConaughey. They decide that the best route is not to rescue Ben Sir, to let him die, and they collect the insurance for the movie flopping. And he's bribing Matthew McConaughey.

He's like, we're talking private plane G6. And fucking Fred Arneson or whoever the guy is that plays Barry from SNL. He's like, can you feel it, brother? They're both like dancing and getting way too urban for guys that wide.

It's great. I love that movie. He's got those forearm sleeves on to make his hands look all hairy. And a big fat suit and a bald cap. The whole thing. It's great i love that he's got like those those forearm sleeves on to make his hands look all hairy and super hair and a big fat suit and the bald cap the whole thing it's great i love every bit of that movie i love the production you know i like when he's out there in the bush just by himself then stiller with a knife and he thinks he's being attacked by a wild animal and he fucking murders a panda bear and the next time you see him he's skinned it and made like a panda bear suit and he's wearing that panda suit i don't know if you know this but um osiris in the film the character says he stays in character until the dvd commentary is finished i don't come out of character to the dvd commentary is done so doesn't um what the hell is the guy's name who plays him

robert a jr yeah robert downey jr does the dvd commentary as osiris he does he does he's doing the like the comment everybody else is themselves ben stiller has been stiller now he was like yeah this was a fun shoot scene to shoot you know this is actually cambodia or whatever you know and and then robert downey was like yeah it was hot as fuck I'm blown away you didn't like that movie I don't think I've ever met somebody who didn't think Tropic Thunder was funny

did you just not like the acting maybe I didn't give it my full attention when I watched it it didn't suck me in I'm a huge fan it's one of my favorites I love that he's in blackface I love all the movie trailers they show of the movies that Ben Sutter has been in before.

That weird priest movie with Tobey Maguire and Robert Downey Jr. Where they're gay. Gay priests in love. It's called Devil's Coven or something like something like that devil's paradise it's something nutty yeah i love that what would happen if they made that movie today it wouldn't work they wouldn't be able to do it you know oh it was called satan's alley satan's alley yeah they asked him that on uh on the rogan experience joe rogan's like could you make that movie today? He's asking Robert Downey Jr. He's like, well, you could make it, but... I didn't find his answer satisfying.

I feel like I didn't get what he was... He's saying, oh, you could make it. It just wouldn't go away. It was almost a dodge to me. Like, could you make it today? Yeah, we have the technology. That's not what I'm asking, asshole. Answer what I'm asking.

I thought it was clear. He's saying no. No, we couldn't do that today. That would not fly. You know, blackface has been, has been. They made a thing out of it now. They don't understand.

And I, this view mostly through Jamie Foxx. Does he have a middle name? Anyway. Yeah. He's like, it wasn't a disrespectful blackface. Everyone was sort of okay with that blackface. They need to differentiate intent in blackface.

You are fighting an uphill battle, my friend. They are not going to come around to that. Look, if a black guy does whiteface, and they used to do this on In Living Color all the time. They just mock white people in a really negative way. Or white girls. Yeah, they did that. I don't love it.

Yeah, white girls is one. They do, what is it? I thought Chappelle's whiteface sketches were really funny. Yeah. I mean, it's a sketch show, so it's hit and miss. There were at least a couple funny ones where he did it we watched this like a few years ago we watched this and joked about it I think

but this is the behind the scenes and what it is it's narrated by the guy who plays the director of the movie Tropic Thunder like the character and it's behind the scenes with Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.

Because it's Robert Downey Jr. in character, living with his family and staying in character and having weird breakdowns. I remember watching this. Dude, I hated this so much. I think it tainted the movie for me. I find this so opposite of funny. Is it just me? Yeah, i thought this video was fun i mean i think it has been a couple years since we watched it but i recall

watching this on the show and it made me laugh it laughed my ass off right that's supposed to like be his sons or something yeah yeah yeah like at one point he has them all like like zip tied up he's got one of them the bathtub and he's talking about his chakra line or something he's just talking crazy like like super crazy like like like like not even a in a scary kind of way it's it's good stuff i love it i love robert a jr i think he's so talented i i love this shit i sometimes i don't realize how talented certain actors are and i like it when that comes out you're the biggest one is uh brianranston. I've mentioned him a million times. I thought he was a goofy and a funny comedic actor

and then he did Breaking Bad. It's like, whoa, range. A stickle of fluoride? Range I didn't know he had. A stickle of fluoride? What's that? Reference to you? Seinfeld, he played Tim Watley, the dentist

and he converted to Judaism just for the jokes. And he's like working on Jerry and he asked the nurse, he's like, I got a schtickle of fluoride. Jerry's like, That's such a good one. See, Curb, I'm really enjoying Curb, but it doesn't hold a candle

to Seinfeld for me. You'll get there. Once the blacks get there, it gets better. I watched a couple more yesterday evening. I'm still not to the blacks though. They haven't joined the neighborhood yet. I think that's like season six. Baylor, once you start working from

home, you'll have plenty of time to catch up to Kyle on that show. Dude, that would be pretty sick. I'm sorry, everyone. I got to self-quarantine for two weeks and you better believe I'm going to still try to be like working out. I'm a little concerned.

I spent four hours with this guy. He was coughing the whole time. I'm going to sell. What would happen? What would happen if you call him to work and just told him you had coronavirus? No one wants to be around someone with coronavirus. So that's a get out of jail

free card with any client for any reason i would imagine oh oh oh is this the week you need to be to fight a cincinnati no i've got the i got that thing going i got the 24 hour corona yeah i got the coronavirus and i am sorry that's weeks from now i've got a thing that makes no one want to be around me. You're vegan now. Yeah, I got I got sleep in itis. Got to get some rest. So, yeah, I want to get your guys predictions on that. Do you think we're going to see kind of not mandatory, but suggested quarantining the way Italy initially did it?

I think Italy is pretty much a mandatory now. We already are. Well, I mean, like on a higher level level i don't see that many people quarantined now sure like driving around during rush hour today way less traffic than usual very much noticeable how much less traffic but like i maybe i'm wrong i feel like it hasn't come into effect university north carolina is going to an online school probably for the remainder of this semester. Hope's books are at the sorority house. She doesn't know if she's allowed to go get them. We're not sure how that happens. Wait three days.

Make sure it's not on those surfaces. It's spring break. It's been three days, but that's a good point. Probably be able to go. Yeah. I don't know. And they're going online. Like I said,orge foreman's

mom she can't go to work anymore they're until april 6th um like in my little corner of the universe people are already self-quarantined uh trump came out said if you travel we want you to self-quarantine for some period of time before you go go back to gatherings um and then i i don't know my online world like red for example, is just filled with social isolation. Is that the term they're using all the time? Something like that, yeah. Talking about not touching people, standing three feet away, which is...

What's normal? About three feet-ish anyway, right? I would say. I was here in like six feet. But even then, it's like, if this is airborne, isn't that kind of just... Isn't six a little far for conversation? It is a little far. Somewhere between three and six. It's new with you.

I got the Corona. Oh, you do. I'll just walk over here then. We're fine. I thought it was something rough. No, we're both sick. Okay. Yeah.

I think that the quarantining stuff is going to be bigger and bigger. And I wonder what the lasting changes will be. You know, for example uh companies that don't have work from home policies now now that the whole company does it will that become a more common thing i would hope so i mean hopefully it would finally maybe reinforce the fact that not everything has to be an in-person meeting and discussion like you can get a lot more done if you do it remotely or on skype or on you know free conference call that net or whatever the fuck service you want to use like

that would be better and people would get more done i don't know sometimes like something's like a sales call you're going to some you know big sales call in person is always better objectively it's easier to make them meet your eyes you can read their body language better it's more amicable they feel the need to pay attention more instead of watching a screen. Like for sales, yeah, very much so. But if you're discussing like an advertising tactic or something or you're going to like reallotting your budget for the quarter, it's like, yeah, we can do that on the phone.

Okay. So I worked as a computer programmer. And typically the project I worked on would be like a smallish team, say between like six and 18 guys. And if they're all in the same office, it's hard to put a value on the hundred little micro communications that happen throughout the day.

You know, I quick ping you because our systems are interfacing together. If I can just ping you with a quick question or tell you a quick thing, or like that does so much. That 15 seconds can save 15 minutes. That's what it would take to figure it out on my own. So I notice when people, they take these teams and they either work from home

or on a related thing, they spread them around the world. And even if they're East Coast and West Coast, how many hours a day do they overlap? So you already lose three, which cuts it to five, and then the two lunch hours don't overlap. So it's three hours a day that they're both naturally at work at the same time. And that's a lot of overlap that's missing. And you miss out on a lot of efficiencies that happen

because the guy that you're interfacing with is available. On the other hand, working from home can be really nice and sometimes you know those micro micro communications could be a disadvantage like dude i don't care about your dog i don't care about your daughter like all these things just make me stay at work longer yeah yeah where it's like i'm trying to figure out what i don't even know the verbiage to pretend to be in the computer programming or the, you know, industry, but like, yeah, you're right. There's so much wasted time in those things where you could really be, you know, kind of like, that's why I don't remember what CEO it was,

but it was something I saw. And I've mentioned on the show before where he was like, yeah, I saw a real big change in the meeting habits of the company that I took over as soon as I pulled every chair out of the conference room. And so you go in there, you got to stand up. Everybody's standing, you know, and he was like, you know how much people are dilly dallying and talking about their, you know, their weekend when they have to stand not much at all, like because they just want to get it done and get back to their comfy chairs. You remember I we had the one of the owners of the Sacramento Kings kings on the show right

yeah yeah you remember his name i'm baring the names andrew andy andy miller andy miller okay so i asked him about the trillion dollar coach the guy who mentored steve jobs and the google guy and stuff like that he would have people go in meetings and kick it off with how they're thankful or grateful to the other people in this room you know hey before i say anything i want to talk about why i love taylor so much and i'm just like every week every week they would do this oh oh my god this fucking sucks i don't want to kill myself that sounds awful yeah why is this such great? Well, I'm thankful and Carol at H and HR for making simple engagements, touchy walking on eggshell thing.

Thank you. Carol. Thanks. That's the kind of stuff I didn't really enjoy at work. You know, I have my friends, but I like to pick them. I didn't like my manager to force them. Yeah. Oh, I totally feel it.

I mean, were you tight with uh ash mid mich or whatever his name was that this sounds racist but it's not i i if i worked with an american guy it was like an 80 chance we'd be friends and we go to lunch together and stuff like that i worked with an indian guy it was almost the inverse like there was a 20 chance we'd hit it off and be friends and go to lunch uh culturally one issue i had was too much respect like it's hard to pal around with a guy who always treats you as his superior and like at work i was often i was like a lead at work and uh and these guys would all work for me but the americans culturally we just kind of set that aside and flatten it you know when it came down to it i assigned the work but at lunch i'm not the boss

anymore um but with the indian guys i was always the boss and like even if you just choose where you're eating they would have no opinion they just agree with me and that wasn't the relationship i was looking for yeah that's that's weird. Yeah. That's like how girlfriends are or wives. Just a way except disagreeing or not disagreeing or agreeing, just being indifferent. The only way to get them to pick where they want to eat is by suggesting somewhere you know they hate.

A real bacon flavor? What? It's got bacon in it. It's got bacon in it. Bitch, I didn't see that at the grocery store. I ordered it. I got a bunch of this. Alright, well I need to stop by fucking Costco or Walmart again.

Deviled ham. Much better than you think it is. I think both of these are terrible. It sounds awful. It's ham spread. You stir it up. There's like a gilled fat on top. It's like super calorie dense. One of these has... It's going to look like dog food when you open that. Cat food. it you stir it up there's like a gilled fat on top it's like super calorie dense like one of

these has it looks like dog food when you open that cat food um stupid taylor this is chicken pate this is uh i think it's a european brand it's delicious i really like this stuff no but I got a lot of it. I don't eat anything light. My food is so fresh, the lettuce had sand in it. And then I got... This is sardines. Oh, nothing wrong with sardines.

Sardines are pretty good. These are the best sardines you can buy. These are so good. These are Bar Harbor sardines. Skinless, boneless, smoked sardines. They taste more like salt than anything. At least when I've had them. They just taste like oil and salt.

My dad's place is so well equipped for this sort of thing. Like, forget the guns and ammo, but like because he has those poultry houses, those things have natural gas tanks that are way bigger than the civilian ones. I'm going to guess.

I'm thinking about how many steps it would take because I know a step is about a yard. I would say they're 20 to 25 feet long, these propane tanks. That's a big tank. And he has... Bobby, have you ever seen anything like it? He has five of them. When he buys propane, it's many thousands of dollars. Maybe $15,000 at a time that he buys. How big are these tanks, you said? I don't know how many gallons, but they're about 20 to 25 feet

long. They're so big around, there's no way you could wrap your arms around them. Maybe two and a half, as big as my arms would go. That might be the size we have, but we have one. It's a thousand gallons. Gargantuan. I think they're I think they're they're thousands of gallons.

In any case. And then he's got the generators, which can run off of that. He's got like legit generators that can power I don't know how many kilowatts they are i think it's it's dozens of kilowatts i think uh i think one of them is like 15 kilowatts and one of them's like 20 or 25 kilowatts and then he's got two wells one drilled one board um so if you had to get no dad's set wait's set. Wait, wait. Drilled and bored? Yeah.

I don't. Yeah. One of them just got fucked and the other one has nothing going on. One of them wishes it did. So I want to say that a bored well is the one that's big. That's like, you know, like maybe three and a half feet wide. Where Timmy gets lost and Lassie finds him. Okay. But he's also got a drilled well.

And that's like a. You just stick your head in it. But he's also got a drilled well. And that's like a... You just stick your head in it. I don't even know if you can stick your head in there. It's maybe 8, 9 inches, but it's like 1,000 feet. So I could, but Taylor couldn't. A normal man's head would fit easily. Well, I couldn't

fall down the well. And then the livestock and everything. I here have like maybe five propane tanks, and I've got a propane burner out there, so I could go for a little while. Not five of the big daddy ones, like five of the, you know. The ones under the grill, yeah, the 20s. We have a 1,000-gallon propane tank and a bidet.

That's our plan. That'll do it, man. And look, I think I've said it before maybe on PKN. You people who are out there getting toilet paper, go buy a bidet that's our plan that'll do it man and look i think i've said it before maybe on pkn you people who are out there getting toilet paper go buy a bidet go buy a bidet how do you buy a bidet do you have to get it installed right like is that a thing that no you probably install yourself no there's a whole thing from amazon you hook it up to the the water line that runs into the back of the the toilet right and it just you're all good you're all good you got a bidet now it's cold water, I assume.

It's not as fancy as yours. I bet there are those that heat it. I bet there are those that... This one's only $60. These are not that expensive. Toilet paper's expensive. I just don't wipe. I just hop in the shower and whatever happens, happens. I just don't wipe all day.

I free shit. I can get the Hibbent Handheld Travel Electric Portable Bidet. There's no better defense against rape than a free shitting. Free shitting. In prison, I free shit both times. My strategy. Both times.

I didn't figure that out. Both times. We've talked about me shitting in prison a few times, maybe a little bit too much, but I don't know if I've said it before, but when I would poop, it wasn't a good poop. Of course not.

You can't go without pooping for 17 days and have it be a healthy, good poop. No, no, no. You don't understand. It wasn't like, oh, wow, that was 17 days of poop. It was like, this isn't even a regular poop, that was 17 days of poop. It was like, this isn't even a regular poop.

This is just a little poop. It's because your body was working at 100% efficiency. You're like 95% efficiency. When I finally got out, everything regulated. I was back to normal. I really think it was stress.

I was so stressed. The worst part about being in prison was literally the fear of the other prisoners. Yeah, I imagine. That's what I think everybody thinks. It really wasn't that bad at all. It's not the food.

King Jum'un doesn't poop because his body is so perfect and so efficient, it just processes the food and turns it all into energy. Perhaps you've achieved a higher level. I'm thinking about cracking one of these open. Which of these do you think would be more entertaining? The one that looks like cat food. No, the one that's easier. Do the sardines.

I'd like to see the sardines. And did you get those on Amazon or did you go to the store and buy those? I had these delivered from the store. So, you know, there's three of us here. Here are your options. I'm going to get crackers if it's one of the spreadable ones,

but I have sardines. I have deviled ham, I have chicken pate, and I have bacon spam. Which one will have fat congealed on the top? The deviled ham. That's the one I'm rooting for. I'm pulling for the sardines, since I would like to see that high-quality sardine,

but I'm fine with you eating whatever you'd like. All right, I'm going to break the tie here, and I'm going to go with the sardines but i'm fine with you eating whatever you'd like all right i'm gonna break the tie here and i'm gonna go with the sardines because i actually i tried the deviled ham i enjoy it it tastes it it's like a salty porky deliciousness it it does look bad but you stir it and the and the fat like mixes back in my dad came over the other day and um you know we're gonna eat dinner like later in the night. But he was like, I'd like a snack. I haven't eaten today.

And I was like, look at my cupboard, man. Look at what I got here. And he's like, oh, because I got a little deviled ham there. He's like, yeah, that hit the spot. I was like, all right, then. And he broke it. I broke up. Oh, oh, there's a lot of liquid here.

Oh, sardines. Yeah. Oh, no, this smells like bad of liquid here. Oh, sardines? Yeah. Oh, no. This smells like bad pussy. Have you ever had sardines? I've had bad pussy. Kyle's having flashbacks. You need to overcome the scent of the sardines.

I just cracked it open, as you can see. And there's like, I don't want to tell you too much. Do you have a paper towel? Taylor, a little sympathy. We're watching a man with PTSD symptoms right now. I was like, bad person. No, just bite the bullet. Just pull it back.

Not too fast, though, so you don't flick any fish water on you. And then just grab one of those slippery little fillets and pop it in your mouth. I don't want to vomit on the show. You're not going to vomit on the show. It's a sardine. Have you had sardines before? I haven't. No shame.

Yeah, I've had them before. it literally tastes like salt and oil i could tell you have you're a sardine veteran kyle though looks like he's nervous about this the smell you're right the smell hits you like a wall but the taste it's just oil and salt i promise especially if that's a high quality sardine i i was eating the cheap shit there's like i cracked it and i can't show you but immediately sardine juice like came up on top of the tin so i'm having to soak that up so i don't oh my god oh wow this has been an error this was my idea like no you got it dude you're gonna enjoy this. You can see the sardine juice that I've soaked up. I haven't opened it yet. I just cracked the seal. I just broke the seal.

It smells like bad pussy. It smells like low tide? Yeah, the shitty one. Low tide. It smells not good. I've smelled low tide and it's a salty, briny kind of,

I'm a sea cop now kind of smell. This smells like dirty sex. This smells like the kind of sex that you go and take a shower after. I'm having the opposite of PTSD right now. All right, I'm cracking him open. I'm peeling it. It's hard. It's like difficult. Oh, God.

Yeah, they're all just marinating in their juices there. I'm going to soak up some of the juice with this paper towel so that I don't spill it. The last thing I want is... Yeah, don't spill that. It'll be a nice setup. In your Vegas Golden Knights gaming room. You can see, like like i'm just yeah i'm sure that looks like health food to me now usually you're gonna want to just drain all

that shit away because oh my god there's so much yeah i have a cup here it's a whole tinsworth it used to be tea oh i should have thrown this. What's the name of that brand? I want to look it up. Oh, you could drink. Sea Harbor. When I'm in a situation like Kyle is, I ask myself, what would Danny Mullen do? Drink that. Drink it up.

Drink it up. Danny Mullen would have chugged it. Danny Mullen. Wait, why doesn't it fall out? I would rather drink my piss than this. A hundred percent. Yeah, I wouldn't want to drink that liquid. Skinless, boneless.

That's because you're gay. If you liked pussy like I do, you'd drink that up. This is not the pussy that you are accustomed to. There's only like 380 calories in that whole thing. And you're getting a good amount of protein like 38 grams of protein that doesn't look too bad you're a liar here grab a little

chunkaroo it looks like chicken it looks like tasty chicken just eat it, bitch. You're not going to vomit. Okay. Okay, it's a little more solid than I would have thought. See, there you go.

A little win. All right. It just tastes like salt and oil doesn't it No it's savory Or maybe yours is smoky Maybe it tastes smoky It's smoky it's savory There's no bones Where'd the bones go

They deboned them And they pulled the skin off that kind right I'll murder my fucking neighbor Before I eat this for more than a day. I know he's got something good over there better than this. All right, well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that. That's unfortunately terrible. I mean, I'm going to have a little more, but...

And you paid a high price for it. What's that other... Oh, King Oscar. That's the brand I see in stores. got a i got a lot of this unfortunately hmm oh that had scales on it see this is all right well i'm done with this this is similar to the kind of sardine i've had where like instead of being in a bunch of chunks there it's more just like the solid kind of fish filet looking thing. No, that was a,

that was a huge mistake right there. I'd never had sardines before though, honestly. So I, Oh, that stays with you. Oh, it does.

I'm going to make, I got to not forget that cup that I just poured sardine juice into. If that stays in here overnight, that's a... Man, I wish you guys wanted me to... I should have went with whoever thought I should eat the cat food, because I like that.

I genuinely enjoy this. This deviled ham is... I guess I'm saying, like, if anyone's out there stocking up on nonsense like this, like I did it's oily it's on me but you're getting your good fats

your fish oil I make my own fats Taylor I turn it I convert it from sugar into woody fat and it's got the devil on it which I like yeah that's cool the devil's tight yeah the morning star take. Take that, Woody's mom and dad.

Do the thing where you invite Satan into your heart again. I like that. Yeah, I'll do that at some point again. Maybe we'll get a religious guest and I can do it. I don't think anyone will know just because. I've got the hiccups. The hiccups plus bad food are a recipe for vomiting. I'm really glad this is teleconference.

I vomited last night like we were playing Tark and shit why all i i don't know all i had eaten that day was like um i have these individual craft macaroni and cheeses like the little cups that you just add water to boil and then stir it oh i love that those are great yeah it's like a kid snack but it's like it's like freeze-dried cheese it turns into cheese in it and taco seasoning it's delicious it's like taco mac but none of those things can like have food poisoning right there it's dry food you add water to yeah it's it's fine yeah there was no reason for me to get ill and like i vomited so much it was so gross did you drink anything weird or no do anything weird no i've all i've been drinking is um like unsweet tea with lemon and uh yeah that was awful i those sardines are just fucking disgusting if i were really hungry

i could probably get down with it like especially with some crackers i bought a ton of crackers because i figured like that's i don't know a lot of times you get ritz i like ritz i like ritz as well i've got some like saltines in there right now, but I don't think I have any of that kind of cracker. I love saltines. They're so simple. I've got a bunch of saltines, too. I've got three boxes of saltines and five boxes of Ritz. I honestly wanted to make sure that

I would have everything I needed. If this thing actually got bad, I really just don't want to get sick. I don't think it'd kill me or anything. I don't think I'd be close to death. I think I'd just be very sick in bed, drinking fluids and drink eating soup. Yeah. I mean,

I still, Oh, something else I bought. I bought like a couple of giant ass jars of like Arabiana sauce and then a ton of boxes of, um, um, pen a protein pasta.

Oh, I got so much pasta. Yeah, I forgot to mention that. It was like buy one, get one free about a week ago at my grocery store. And so I was like, all right, two of everything. And like penne and spaghetti and rigatoni and like all of the pastas that you could possibly name.

I got two of each. Every time I walk through the... My girlfriend does all the shopping and so I don't really do it. But every time I do and I walk through the pasta aisle nuclear family is that old fashion away that how pasta is basically free like you look at it and it's like this giant box is is a dollar nine and when this gets wet it's gonna be the size of my head almost like that's a lot i think it was jimmy carter i'm not positive

but there was someone who said we should get rid of food stamps and just make pasta and rice free it's practically free now it'll be on the bottom shelf will be like 50 gallon like cement bags filled with pasta and you can come and you can get it and you'll stay alive that's what free food is and it's just provided to anyone who walks into the store and you say, oh, but wait, people are going to hoard it. They're going to grab it. They're going to eat too. No, they're not. It's free. It has no value anymore. They're not going to grab 200 pounds of pasta. Maybe in the very beginning they do because they're stupid. Or just put a limit on it. Yeah, that's easy.

Yeah. But eventually they'll realize like, I can get this anytime I want. It's always at the bottom shelf. It's like dog food. You put it under the shopping cart, you have free food. And the whole food stamps and all the administration that comes with it and all the, I'm looking for cheating, but like, you know, the word. Fraud, thank you. Yeah. That'll just be gone. It's free.

Pasta. Pasta and rice no longer has cost and i thought a big bag of rice is basically infinite food like so much food i have six or eight pounds of rice in there and it's like that'll last so long yeah also when i have you ever made not enough rice i've only ever made way too fucking much rice yeah that's not fucking much rice. Yeah. I look at the one cup and you're like, that's not very much rice. It's like, where did the rice come from? And I would have made rice in the Middle Ages.

They would have burned me at the stake. But you put merely a cup in here. You put a cup of rice into a witch's cauldron and it fills up. Fills up the whole thing, yeah. I got stuff to add to the pasta, so I got a bunch of those boxes of Velveeta. Those little boxes of the cheese.

I can make mac and cheese that way. I also got tons of San Marzano tomatoes, which are the best Italian tomatoes that are great for making marinara sauce. I got garlic powder to go along with that. A little garlic powder, a little tomato paste. Do you have Italian sausage that you can brown and throw in there too i'm sure i don't like italian sausage oh oh it puts me off i i don't like that how can you dislike italian i prefer hamburger meat in uh

spaghetti sauce i mean that's good too i prefer hamburger uh something about the italian sausage has like a kind of a gamey kind of kind of taste i don't care for it i spent i like spicy if it's hot italian sausage like when i go to portillo's in chicago you ever been there uh if i did i was when i was little yeah if you ever end up doing your business trips in chicago portillo's very good shit they've got like their own kind of thing their fries are cheese fries they do the the the the hot and sweet italian sausage uh or italian beef uh sandwiches with the hot and sweet Italian sausage or Italian beef sandwiches. With the hot peppers on there? The hot peppers on there.

Really good stuff. Great. Their hot dogs are incredible. Everything there is very good. Portillo's in Chicago. I stop there every time I go to Chicago and I love it. That and Lou Malnati's.

Lou Malnati's deep dish pizza I love Chicago food it's fucking great Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd reuniting for what I just saw this picture he's not dead yet wow dude if I were to tell you that Michael J. Fox at 51 was older than

Christopher Lloyd I feel like you could buy it he has passed him in age what if they were brothers you could buy it. I could buy it. He has passed him in age. What if they were brothers? You could buy that for sure. Look at Michael Jackson. Oh, Michael J. Michael J. Fox's face. The wrinkles around his eyes, the chin, the

gray. He's 51. How many photos do you think it took until there wasn't a bunch of blurred lines? Blurred lines. Michael is shaky. I didn't mean that I was surprised that Michael J. Fox is alive. I thought that Christopher Lloyd was dead.

He's 81. He's been dead for a while. Michael J. Fox looks older to me than... He looks like shit. He doesn't look good. But, I mean, he has Parkinson's. That's a great excuse for not looking good. That's a good excuse.

I guess so. That's what it does to you i mean i've ruined your hair it's all fucking shitty yeah damn i'm i'm hungry now for survival type food after we're talking about all this i mean you said you got a bunch pasta, Kyle. Did you get any protein pasta? Have you ever had that? Do you know what that is? I've had it before. It's alright. I just got regular pasta because, like I said, it was buy one, get one free. And I think it cost $1.50, so I was essentially

buying a big box of pasta, like way more than enough for a meal. Enough for a four-person meal for $1.20 or something or no wait it was 90 cents so like like you could do like four meals for like two dollars if you made like if you added tomato sauce or if you added valvita which is just mac and cheese or whatever it was just so cheap and so like i didn't want to go crazy and buy like the food buckets or the mres we talked

about on pkn how they're so overpriced these peanuts are good too did you do that at the store or did you order everything i order everything so it and i know woody doesn't go to the grocery store so every grocery store i've been to in the last week it's only like three two maybe they all have signs up limiting consumption of toilet paper packs to two per person no signs in the water area no signs in the food area the pasta and the canned food

I don't remember H1N1 being like this was toilet paper the big thing what the hell is up with that it happens during hurricanes a lot earthquakes, any natural disaster snow for sure it's snow anywhere up with that? Why? It happens during hurricanes a lot. Earthquakes. Any natural disaster. Snow in the south. Snow, for sure.

It's snow anywhere, but little snow in the south. We'll do it. We have excuses. You know what we do. We don't have the infrastructure to deal with it like we do up north. But in any case, yeah. Everybody was buying out the toilet paper. I was thinking ahead. Bought my toilet paper a month ago.

I got so much TP. I bought paper towels too. Like, like when that girl was walking up my driveway with this thing, you couldn't see her. She's fucking Sisyphus going up the mountain with her toilet paper. Like Atlas, like Atlas holding the fucking world up. Yeah.

I use instant cart for all my grocery deliveries. I wish they were a sponsor and I would sing their praises even more than I already do. Instant Cart is so fucking good. I think I pay a yearly fee. The same way I do for Amazon Prime. The same way I do for Postmates. Like I sign up for Postmates Unlimited

or something like that. So it's amazing. My overhead is very small. The premium, I should say. The premium that I pay for my groceries is very small. It's like a $4 tip plus tax and then the items are usually like $0.10 more expensive than they would have been if I drove to the store. The thing is like, the way I used to shop is I would put a grocery list together at home and I

just put the grocery list together on my phone over the course of an entire day. And it went before I go to bed, I've, I've, I've got everything that I would have thought of and I just like schedule it for the next morning at 9am and at 9 And at 9 a.m. my groceries show up. And it's a huge amount. And I take advantage of all the deals. Like you may not know that like Diet Pepsi is buy two, get one free. Well, shit.

Give me six 12-packs then. I'll do that. Unfortunately, that bitch sent me Diet Coke. As everyone knows, both myself and Wings of Redemption do not like Coke Cola. All right? Diet Coke is not nearly as good as Diet Pepsi. This is disgusting. And Diet Pepsi is not nearly as good as Diet Dr. Pepper.

I 100% agree with you. Diet Dr. Pepper is the winning combo. This is Coke Cola, and I hate it. Diet Coke, I drink like this much of a can every time as soon as it's not 34 degrees anymore i can't i can't fucking are you still guzzling those diet uh cream sodas and diet root beers they ran out of my grocery store oh that sucks like that that is the thing that has run out of my grocery store when everything else is in stock like they don't have nearly enough facings of it because i every time i I go, I'm the guy who's like,

Oh, you've got diet cream soda back in stock. Well, I don't want 12. I want 48. Oh, they only have 36. Well,

that'll, that'll hold me over until Tuesday. You know, I've really gotten into unsweetened power through those things. I put, I put sweet and low in there. I put like a good chunk of lemon in there. And I love my unsweet tea. I get a gallon of uncaffeinated and a gallon of caffeinated.

And if I start getting a little shaky, because I drink a ton of coffee throughout the day, I'll switch to the decaffeinated. But for the most part, I just drink that most of the time. I really, really like it. It's almost as good as sweet tea i've told that story right before about where i was like thinking that i i was like drinking my unsweet tea you know i put my sweet and low and my lemon in there and i'm drinking i'm like oh it's like candy yes it brings a redemption wake the fuck up bro stop drinking your sweet tea

and i'm drinking this unsweet tea and i'm loving it i'm like this is candy it's just i only put a teaspoon of sweet and low in a big glass and it's so sweet and tasty and like i get halfway through the jug the gallon of unsweet tea and i happen to like turn it in the refrigerator sweet tea sweet tea i'm sweetening sweet tea i i poured down the the drink the pour down the drain i can't have that in my house i don't drink that shit you know something else that i've been looking at online of people saying like what you like i've been looking at prepper stuff partially because it's just fun to see the kind of piles that people have made where it's like,

damn, this guy's got his shit under, under control. But a lot of them are saying, Hey, buy all your food, get your high caloric stuff for when you're going to need it. And then make sure you get as many vitamins as you can.

You're canned, whatever. But then by a fuck ton of like one a day vitamins and like certain supplements so that you get your vitamin c or your vitamin d or your fucking calcium or whatever do you have any of that yeah i have any multivitamins or what did you buy of that i got like one a day men's centrum or something like that i like the gummies frankly because i don't like their gummies it's like a treat pills kind of make me gag sometimes i got i would make a terrible uh gay man because because pills can make me really gag sometimes.

The gag reflex just can't handle it. I'd be a great gay man. I could throat a whole handful of pills in the water. My penis is tiny. You'll both do fine. I take them dry. So yeah, I got a bunch of the gummies. I've been taking those gummies forever.

I would buy like a four pack off Amazon at a time or something like that. So like, but you didn't get like a, like a specific like, oh, I'm getting my C or I'm getting my fucking magnesium. I get the multivitamin. I just get the multivitamins. I do have some krill oil, which I also take some of that skin and hair. I take krill oil. Krill oil doesn't, isn't as fishy as fish oil.

Fish oil will make, give give me these burps, and it's like burping that bad pussy juice that I just ate a minute ago. They've got fish oil pills that have some other ingredient in there that keeps you from burping up that nasty dust. I think krill oil is better and doesn't come with that fishy taste.

Well, isn't the thing like the closer the animal is to the bottom of the food chain is the less they consume of mercury? So like eating tuna, you're consuming more mercury per amount of food, whereas eating a sardine, much, much less. God, don't tell me that. Well, they need mercury. Yeah, it's an essential. That's why I take mercury supplements.

And God, do I feel awful. I rub it in. You know how hard it is to shove a metal that melts the second it touches your asshole up there? Yeah, it's tough. I inject mine. I warm it up. I put it in a syringe.

Put it in. No, it's gallium. It's gallium. No, no, it's going in my butt i just warm it up in a little little thing of uh simmering water and like an anima yeah nebuchadnezzar swore by this stuff he died at 38 so i think he knows he's talking about it he ruled over a quarter of the world honey yeah all right he ruled over babylon like a king the king of kings pretty cool so yeah i'm really fascinated by all this prepper stuff makes me want to it makes me want to learn survival stuff even though like if i actually had to go survive in the woods i would

be absolutely fucked but just like you know having it as a little hobby learning stuff like that yeah it's fun i love those shows you know i know, I did a video once for, what was it? Oh, shit. They paid me so much money. I can't remember. It was either, it may have been prep. It was one of those prepper shows. I don't remember which.

Doomsday Preppers? I think it was Doomsday Preppers. I think they sponsored a video one time. And I wanted to do a whole thing. I wanted to build an underground bunker. I wanted to bury a Con-X box. You know what a Con-X box is? Mm-hmm.

It's like a storage container. I'm sure people listening don't know. It's like a box car. It's like one of those big metal rectangular box cars that you see on trains. Or shipping containers. You know, you see tons and tons of them on the giant ships. I was exactly on the giant ships. I wanted to bury it.

Have a hatch in the top with a ladder. And like a... That you would peel back up on ground level. And you'd go down a ladder down in there. And it'd be fully like... And they're like, no, we just want you to shoot some cool guns. And I was like, all right. You're not going to teach me how to survive and how to prep?

You know, I thought I was going to get a free bunker out of this deal. That was my goal. I was like, yeah. The first thing we do when we teach somebody how to prep, it's called fluffing. If you want into my underground storage container matrix you're gonna do some fluff i i thought that would be a good idea too and then i watched a youtube video of someone who like was making an underground bunker like that and they explained that those the angles of the shipping container is like the worst possible pressure distribution for being

underground like you want kind of a domed thing so that doesn't collapse on you pour concrete around it and it uh and it holds it up oh i didn't okay well that makes a lot of sense yeah it in any case i don't have i i didn't end up with a bunker or did i and so you moved well he's got his bug out bag and he's ready to go he brings the bunker with him I guess doesn't mean the bunker's not where I left it oh yeah maybe other people don't see it they definitely would not see it it's underground

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yeah man uh single as a pringle as his lady put it uh the wedding is 100 off um the last update i saw that was literally from her uh weddings off she is single um so single but pringles come in very large groups i i interpret that to mean she's with 350 other people well she likes to rhyme all right she's not good at metaphors but but she does rhyme okay um yeah she said she was quote unquote single as a pringle and uh so that yeah i don't know oh go ahead please fair our our bets cancel out as i thought they might because my thought process was yes it is a real wedding turned out in wings mind it was um but no of course it was never ever going to happen

it was never gonna happen i i knew that going in um just like i was right that corona is very very dangerous a two out of ten one being the most dangerous uh i was also right that uh wings redemption was never gonna get married ever ever ever i i feel never i didn't process that at first you're a real piece of shit so So he had a relationship with this. Because that fucking lawyer from Canada, if Wings were to find a girl who was like, you know what? The man has his flaws, but he's sweet.

He loves me. He wants kids. He's got his own place. His cum tastes a little bit like sugar. I like that. And then that damn lawyer from Canada is going to be like, and he's got the sweetest piss. And then she's going to get like a dossier from that lawyer in Canada.

Like, are you aware this man neither pays his taxes nor went to North Korea to play in the StarCraft Olympics? He wasn't in the Olympics? I thought he was an Olympian. No. He told me he invented the Zerg Rush. What is the Zerg Rush? Oh, I started Zerg Rush.

I heard it correctly. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know how to land on this thing because he... Did he overstate it from the start? Yeah. Okay. That would be my assumption based on how this is panned out as much as wings has his flaws does he deserve what this lawyer brings to light

all the time from canada lawyer is this sorry that i jumped in i'm just talking about the gentleman uh who he was the gentleman who uh catfishished wings initially and posed as a lady friend. And he is also the gentleman who most recently really delved deeply into the marriage scenario, contacting the fiance, her mother, and an unnamed third family member to really get the nitty gritty and expose it all. And I won't even talk about what he's doing next. I told you what he's doing, Woody, next. I won't go into that out of, I suppose, respect to Wings, what little there is. And I won't go into it. I myself, not a fan of the federal government um

pay them what they're owed which is your time i do too i i'm too afraid not to they're scary they'll ruin your life um so this guy is educated weaponized autism, pointed at wings all the time. I swear he's going to, I don't know, take down Wendy's or something just to deny this poor man his chili. Take down Wendy's. Operation Kill Wendy. And, you know, he gets engaged. The James Thomas Initiative. And, you know, he gets engaged. The James Thomas Initiative.

He gets engaged, and the guy, like, contacts his fiancée and his fiancée's parents and tells her about Wings' browser history. Jesus Christ. None of us can survive that kind of scrutiny. In theory. I was not abreast of these new updates. Let me talk to you what he's up to right now, Taylor. Again, like...

I don't want to say anything. We don't hate Wings here. We have varying levels of dislike toward him. I know... Well, you can't be happy that he's always harping on, like, you stole his job, etc. It's never bothered me even a little bit. Yeah, but you prefer if he didn't say that, wouldn't you?

I don't care because Lefty was here between us. All right, faggot, stay on your own. I mean, Kyle and I know the truth, and we swapped out wings with you. And then I'm the one on Twitch, bastard, stole my job. job wait did i say that that would be so funny no yeah i said it right no i didn't i said

swapped out wings with then i interpreted it okay i interpreted it a little bit roger that yeah yeah we can kyle if we band together we can invent our own history oh shit well oh that's not ideal um yeah that's that sucks right i don't know how someone could possibly know that unless someone admitted it on their stream or something i don't know how that would work. Of course not Chiz. So anyway, we won't harp on that for a bit. Well, that's not cool. So hopefully everything's above board. Everything's good.

So that's all you can hope for. Now what? Now what? now what now Kyle's just making fun of Chiz in our chat I went hard in the paint I went so hard in the paint that we had to bump the whole chat

sometimes I show shit that doesn't need to be shown it's usually my own phone number or address or something yeah i don't keep getting been a few years but nah probably not i call chiz a jiminy cricket oh yeah in so many words two words yeah yeah neither one are allowed um so so yeah um you know i i knew the wedding wasn't gonna happen it just seemed like nonsensical i i don't recall if he ever showed the the diamond ring off but i hope he has it um with and and i i don't know i've never seen a $700 engagement ring before. I'd like to.

Did you say you hope he hasn't shown it off or you hope he has it? I don't have a watch that cheap. I do. $700 engagement ring? Your watch is fancy though. Isn't your watch more than that? I think it was $500.

Okay. All right. Fair enough. Yeah. It's a... Yours does things. Yours is very utilitarian. It is a jack-o alright, fair enough. It's a... Yours does things. Yours is very utilitarian. That's what it is. It's not jewelry. It is a fucking precision instrument.

I use it to tell my altitude for acrobatic paramotoring. Go ahead, Taylor. My shit tells the time of the day. We're sponsored by, which is of course called Movement? They haven't... Movement Watch, yes. I don't know if... I got one here somewhere. which is of course called the fucking movement watch. I don't know if

I got one here somewhere. Look in the jar of nonsense. Careful not to tip over that fish guts cup. It'll smell terrible. I believe you dislike the sardines so much. I wear it every day. No dude, I wear it every day. No, dude. Those watches are kind of like those hats

that you leave the sticker on. Yeah. It's like a starter cap, but you leave the sticker. Yeah, you can see I'm sized. So people walking by, they're like, man, that's a nice hat. What do you get that for? What a deal.

I probably would wear it. Like if I went to Wing's wedding or something, it's my fancy watch. My fancy looking watch. I leave the paint with the price and cost of my car on the windshield. I leave it there so people know how much I paid for the car. The Marodi?

Yeah, I go over it in Sharpie as soon as I get it. People are driving by going, damn, that guy got a hell of a deal. I haven't pulled the little thing that activates the battery ever. There's a little red tab right there. See that red thing? Yeah. That's what activates the battery.

No, it's not as expensive as your nice watches, but they look nice to me. I think they get the styling about right. Maybe you don't. Yeah. Yeah. Style and price. About right. I don't have any expensive watches. Watches don't. Yeah. Style and price. About right. I don't have any expensive watches. Watches pinch my arm hair.

I don't like that. I like this nylon band because I wear it in the shower all the time. I don't think I have quite the amount of arm hair that you do. I mean, I got a little. Yeah, Taylor, come up close. Let's see what you got. Not too bad. No, you can't even see. I think I might have the hairiest

arms. I think that my winter paleness is making my arm hair show up. In any light, I think I'm hairier than Kyle. This camera is flattering to my hairiness. Show us your ass!

Am I out alone on this pier? I'm going to be looking svelte Looking nice and smooth On this camera I'm going to get this tuna out of this room Oh the sardines It smells like we just shot a real skanky porno in here Oh god

I'm doing my best not to think about it Tell me more about the scene How can you not think about an open tin of fish Right next to you I'm doing my best not to think about it. Tell me more about the scene. How can you not think about an open tin of fish right next to you? I'm doing my best. Look at that shit. See, that's not what I thought that would look like.

Look at this, Kyle. Click on this link of sardines. Tell me that doesn't look better. If you go to that fourth image. I have that too. I have a can of that. Yeah, look at that. Those are like actual fillets. You can recognize what it is. Well, shit. I wish I'd gotten that tin.

I might have enjoyed that. Does that have bones in it? It tailors? No, it shouldn't. Yeah, it should be no bones. It does have skin on it though. I would do it without the olives in there. I've never been a big olive fan.

Yeah, that's Mediterranean style. You can do hot jalapeno or Dijon mustard, cracked pepper, any number of... Or just extra virgin olive oil with lemon. I thought that would be a real easy one to eat. Can we watch my video? Yeah. Oh, I fucking hate having the hiccups. That's the worst.

The hiccups lead to vomiting if I'm not careful. Me too, dude. Are you queued up at zero? Yeah, I am. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'll be quick. Take a moment.

He heard his parents having sex. Okay, I'm ready. Ready, set, play. You would be dead right now if you heard it. What did you hear? What did you hear? Nothing. What's the problem?

Nothing. There's no problem whatsoever. Are you sure you didn't hear mom and dad? Three times. Three times. Three times. three times three times that's a little Woody before he was desensitized

part of my maturation process you've just blacked out that part of your childhood where you were sitting there shrieking why are you why did you put that in her mouth and while Captain Kangaroo was on, Mommy kisses me with that mouth. She comes into my room and gives me a hug and kiss, and then she goes and orally milks you. Would you rather she came in after?

Shut up, Dad. you would you rather she came in after shut up dad last night mom came and gave me a kiss and it tasted bleachy oh that's a kid let's see the fill face cream your mom uses oh kyle have you loaded up on your skincare regimen? Because that's something that you might run out. And I know you have a very American Psycho style morning process. I buy in bulk whenever I buy my Jack Black lotion slash SPF 15. You know, I go and buy in bulk.

SPF 15 you know I go and buy in black and I buy in bulk and and I've got like I buy my loofahs in bulk and my soaps and shampoos in bulk you know so I've got I got plenty you know what makes a lot of sense when you're prepping is to try and get as much use out of something as you can so ideally I don't know a four in one five in one sort of shampoo conditioner body wash uh counter floor shine that's what you want no it's not it's disgusting that you do that kyle you're not thinking this through he needs short a... It's so short-sighted and disgusting. Wait, wait, Kyle, Kyle. Imagine that you were of the variety that needed both a body wash and a shampoo at the same time. It starts to make more sense. And a conditioner.

I'm conditioning. You wash your ass and you think that's skin. He washes his ass and he thinks it's mostly skin and shampoo. Yeah. Well, he probably does need some shampoo for his ass. I'll admit that. Right? You see the genius now.

You wouldn't believe how soft my ass hair is. You wouldn't believe it. Some fucking herbal essences back there. But, you know, like having three different products in the shower isn't crazy town. Like I've got a shampoo, I've got a face wash, and I've got a soap. And my soap isn't even fancy. It's like Irish Spring because I like the smell of it. I feel like I want something that strips everything off because I lotion back up.

I moisturize back up. Yeah, I feel like that Irish Spring dries my skin when I've used those bars. It does. That's why I put lotion on afterwards. I've got this nice cocoa butter lotion for my body. And then I've got my Jack black uh facial moisturizer slash spf 15 which i literally wear every single day i haven't i haven't gone a day without wearing uh spf 15 on my face since i was i don't know in the last 10 years really dude our soap is so slippery i don't

know what it is my wife is in charge of keeping the shower stocked. So it's just a white bar with lots of bumps on it. That shit, when it's on, it's like showering in wet platinum. I could do the dance thing where my feet, I'm like, I'm getting old. This is how people fall in the shower. This soap should be like,

have a warning label on it or something. It is next level. Slippery. soap should be like have a warning label on it or something it is next level slippery you don't like i'm not it is genuinely like a wet platinum shower floor i have to take the shower off and clean the floor to eliminate the danger after i'm done washing yeah yeah if you ever get wet platinum in your shower and i have i do what i do is i literally take the cheap shampoo and i squirt it on the floor and then I do a shuffle with my feet

to try to cut. You're skating back and forth on it. Yeah, and I brace myself because you go down in there and it could get nasty. It's a hard floor. It's not soft. We've probably got a similar situation with tile

and it's fucking... It's like falling naked on stone. And that's a humiliating reason for a 32-year-old to have to call paramedics. Yeah. That you broke your coccyx because you were trying to skate the wet platinum off of your floor. Is that your tailbone, your coccyx? Yeah. I like that I've got a coccyx in the front and the back.

Coccyx. I've never had to call an ambulance. Hell yeah. I've never called an ambulance in my life. You've never called an ambulance? I've been in a few times never never i always uh i always got just driven to the er like i had i went into anaphylactic shock once was driven uh driven to the er um you know all my broken bones just driven all my serious cuts that required stitches same thing just always went you know because they most are expensive and it just seemed like i wasn't my life wasn't in danger so like i had an ambulance give me oxygen

once when i broke my my uh my ankle but they just happened to be there already because it was a baseball game what did you what happened i can't even count all the ambulances i've been in uh i'm allergic to bananas and i've grown out of it because I like bananas and and since since then I like slowly uh like tempered myself against them I guess like a little bit of time until I can I can take them again like princess bride style little exactly yeah Iocane powder but you are a man of strength so you might be counting on that to save you But you probably knew that I am Sicilian

And no one trusts a Sicilian Never trust a Sicilian in matters of death Ha ha ha ha ha He had a speech impediment Never trust a Sicilian in a matter of life and death A little bit The cliffs of insanity He's climbing that rope

that was a really good movie that was one of the best I haven't watched it in so many years I love it, Princess Bride, we're talking about the Princess Bride if you guys have never seen the Princess Bride you need to watch it it's actually, you wouldn't think that any of us would like that movie right, like it's not the

it's very good Woody's right though, it's got the title of a movie that you would never be like, oh man, I gotta fucking watch Princess Bride. Even the basic plot line, like saving a princess through... It's almost romantic comedy-ish. Yeah, it's

Rob Reiner. Rob Reiner directs the thing. He's the king of romantic comedies. He's from Harry Met Sally. He is masterful in this. I had it in my head that Mel Brooks did that. I'm an idiot. No. But you've got great acting performances from Carrie Ewells and

who's the gorgeous blonde who I think is one of the most beautiful human beings who's ever existed. Andre the Giant. Yes! God, he was sexy! I'd love to bend his giant ass over. That blonde, do you think, is one of the most beautiful women ever? Yeah, we've discussed this before. I think that she's one of the most beautiful people who has ever existed.

She's beautiful. She just never stood out to me like that. She played Frank's wife in House of Cards. Oh, Claire. Claire. She aged well. Claire, if you don't mind, will you watch me as I suck all secret agents? Robin Wright Penn. All right.

Robin Wright Penn in her prime. She's not wearing a spot of makeup and she is perfection. Beautiful young lady. But yeah, Princess Bride by Rob Reiner. An amazing film. Beautiful, like, love story slash fairy tale um and there's this great scene where like cara ewells is like the dread pirate roberts who's like skilled at everything right he's a jack of all trades he's a swordsman and a fighter and he's and he's

intelligent and then inigo montoya is the greatest swordsman in the world and andre the giant is the strongest man in the world and we've got to storm this castle and they look at the guards and there's like 50 or 60 and they're trying to figure out how they're going to do this and and anigo was like perhaps they could take maybe 10 15 at the best and andre's like i could maybe uh take 10 or 15 too and carrie's like even at my best i could only take maybe 10 or 15 too. And Carrie's like, even at my best, I could only take maybe 10 or 15, but there are 60 of them. And they've got to figure out how they're going to deal with these people.

He comes up with this really cool plan to get into the castle. They're after the princess. Humper Dink wants to marry her against her will. It's a whole thing. It's great. It's really a story about rape. There's a little rape. Was Mel Brooks the old man? No.

Who is that? Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal. I'm missing the cameo. And Billy Crystal is, that's the only thing I've ever seen him in that I didn't hate him immediately. You didn't like the Harry Met Sally. I do not like him. I just, I

didn't win it for me. Have fun storming the castle! Billy Crystal sucks. I love it. They hear Kara Ewell screaming from the torture machine. He's like, that is the scream of unfathomable pain. It's so good. You can hear it throughout the kingdom. It's so loud.

I love that shit. Great movie. Great movie. By the end of the outsider kyle could you tell that the main detective has a lisp no i don't detect it how i don't know i have an ear for this sort of thing you both do accents people listen i have an ear in the comments Do you hear the guy from The Outsider, the main detective guy, does he have a lisp?

He hits his S's and his TH's oddly. He doesn't have a full-on speech impediment or anything. He's totally... I think he's just doing his best southern accent, and it comes out that way, but I don't think it's a lisp or a speech impediment of any sort. I don't detect it, and I've listened to it carefully, trying to detect it. I don't get it. I don't pick it up. Iisp or a speech impediment of any sort. I don't detect it, and I've listened to it carefully trying to detect it.

I don't get it. I don't pick it up. I think there might be something wrong with your television. No, I know it's not. I know it's not that, because I have a friend with that exact same thing, where they hit the ashes just enough. And I always catch it. There was some YouTuber yesterday trying to teach me how to play Pockov,

and I was like, all right, bro, I'm going to go ahead. I can tell you've been in speech therapy, but go back. I'm going to have to find somebody. You're not done. All right, welcome to Learning Parkov with Death Alec. Will you write the guy's name? Which guy? The Tarkov speech impediment dude.

Oh, I have no idea what it is. Oh, okay, okay. I've watched a lot of Tarkov beach impediment dude. Oh, I have no idea what it is. Oh, okay, okay. I've watched a lot of Tarkov videos lately. Yeah, it was somebody you've never heard of, and I've never heard of. I was looking for some, like, I think I was researching that there is a glitch to boost your strength and stamina. I've read about it. I haven't seen it. Yeah, you jump through the map on factory and like your

character falls through the map and so technically he's traveling at an insane rate of speed and so it's it adds up quickly and he was describing how to do that there were six minutes of preamble where he's like everyone's gonna be doing this clip this plus me this is a good video and i'm like skipping one minute two minute three minute he's still just like bragging on himself for showing me. And I'm just finally at the end, like six minutes. And I was like, all right, fuck you. I don't even fucking care. I'm not going to cheat.

I'm just curious. That is cheating. What I, on Tarkov Talk, people online are fussing about cheesing, right? Which is the term. So here's the deal. In this game, you can picture it as a shooter, maybe like Call of Duty, but there's an RPG element to it. And in the game,

your character, if you run a lot, he gets better at running. If you aim a lot, he gets better at aiming. If you carry too much gear on your back, he gets stronger or throw grenades or some other stuff.

So some people, at the beginning of every match, bring 10 cheap grenades, throw them immediately, and just get a little, you know, they're working out every game. Other people will put on a heavy backpack, walk around, which is dangerous. They're going to get themselves killed, and they routinely get themselves killed

because they're in the game exercising instead of moving tactically. Is that risky, though? Is it really cheesing? My point, yeah. I'm like, these guys are putting themselves at risk, moving tactically and the risk is that risky though is it is it really cheesing or my point yeah now i'm like these guys are putting themselves at risk hurting their kd the stuff that i'm talking about you know the heavy things cost in-game money so they're risking all that they had to earn i'll make it up like two thousand uh buckshot and then they lose it all and that sucks for them it's that they're just trying to boost their

stats but they call it cheesing they want it to just grow as you play the game naturally instead of to me it's not much different than constructing 5 000 iron daggers in skyrim is that cheesing well and it's not like your headshot boosting and free-for-all right you're ruining the game for everyone like if your whole thing is you got to get in there and run around like rocky with a heavy backpack and you're totally in you're visible to some guy with a gun yeah that doesn't seem like cheesing it seems like you're gifting some guy an easy kill if he happens to see you right yeah that's how i see it too now the jumping into the wall go ahead kyle i was gonna i was gonna start talking about the patch that came out today and all the changes go ahead we can do that yeah big patch today. Lots of changes in Tarkov.

They added a couple new grenades, a lot of weapon attachments. They completely reworked interchange. I believe they added new expo areas. An interactable switch, which will turn the lights on in interchange. Lots of cool stuff. They reworked the menu system so it's easier to navigate to your traders or your dealers. They should have put the hideout there. It'd be so easy. They should have.

Agreed. Agreed. Should have put the hideout down there. There's new craftable things in the hideout, I believe. You can now do the brand new grenades. The new grenades are weaker, but they have really short fuses, 2 seconds and 2.5 seconds respectively. Cool stuff that they've added.

They're always adding new content content but this is really appreciated i'm looking forward to the cultists which will be a new npc group that works stealthily and stabs you with a poison blade and i'm sure they'll drop some cool so there are marked rooms in this game and what it means you walk in there and there's some like creepy satanic symbols on the ground maybe candles and the room is just creepy and weird the outside the door before you get in it's creepy and weird usually need a key and there's good loot in there so what's gonna happen what's been happening in this game since its inception i guess you go in there and there's good stuff so you go into the room it's a call out people know it etc cool now they won't tell you when they're introducing this but you're gonna go into the mark room Like you have for the past couple years.

Or in my case weeks. To go get the cool stuff. And cultists with this new special knife. Are going to sneak up on you. Rush on you or something. I think they wear robes. And try to kill you. And they're not telling you when they're releasing the cultists.

Just one day. There'll be cultists in the game. And I think that's awesome. I think it's really neat. The way they're introducing it. They're surprise characters characters it'll be a surprise feature bring it i hope i hope it's not going to happen but i want to want to happen i want to be able to kill a cultist and play in his robe that would be super cool to me i would love that but uh yeah anyway cultists are coming i'm super there's a lot that they're doing to the game that i'm that i'm pretty excited about yeah there's a whole new like uh weight system um controversial

very controversial i'm not sure how i feel about it you know you get over encumbered quite easily and your character slows down that's a horrible addition to games when they make it easier to get over encumbered or i've never played dark outps. Let me pitch it the other way, right? As it is now, as you get more time in the game, you get more money. You tend to like build some wealth. I now have a Bitcoin farm with 20 GPUs in it. Today I barely played. And I'm sure I made probably about half a million dollars, right?

Maybe rubles. So as you get to where I'm approaching and you have this passive income, you can run better and better gear. Well, now there's going to be a disadvantage to that too. Oh, do you want to bring in two guns, a long range and a short range and wear class five or six armor, which is heavy as fuck,

and I'll just annihilate new players because I've been in it longer? Well, now that new player has a huge mobility advantage over me. Levels the field a little bit. So we'll see how it plays. I maybe mostly agree. I'm like, man, I finally got here and they made it suck. It's kind of my first thought, but we'll see how it plays.

And they zeroed all of our strength and stamina skills. So guys like me who, it was quite high. Guys like Larryry even higher zero everybody's starting on an even playing field selfishly that's amazing for me so i play with kyle i play with larry and they run faster and they run longer and they know where they're going so i'm always like, where'd you go? That's what it's like to play with them. It's very hard to get kills.

One, they're better at the game. So they get the kills first. Two, I'm always in the back because I run the slowest and I run the shortest. I go from sprint to walking sooner than anyone else. And now they're back with me. Now we all run roughly the same speed again selfishly that's been a neat thing there will be a neat thing but uh yeah i don't know

even the gains i did make are gone i miss them yeah yeah it's uh it's interesting i'm glad they're continually adding stuff uh continually adding stuff to the game uh i i don't know what's the lifetime on this game? Just from the outside looking in, it seems like these games hit a huge peak and then almost like a plateau of the peak still going up. And then overnight, it's like, boom, there's a new thing that everybody's on to. You were all about Rust for the longest time.

Oh, I still am. It's just not healthy. So Rust is the best game that exists. It's just not healthy. So Rust is the best game that exists. It's just not healthy to play Rust. It's not healthy. Woody's been playing a lot of this. It's not healthy. But imagine, Woody, if whenever you weren't there,

someone could be in your stash pulling stuff out. You would be stressed. You'd wake up in the middle of the night maybe to take a piss and you'd be like, ah, let me go check. And then you'd sit down to check and you'd be you would be stressed you'd wake up in the middle of the night maybe to take a piss and you'd be like let me go check let me go check and then you'd sit down to check and like you'd be like oh look stubs is online well yeah i'll farm a little with you three hours go by you're like

well shit that was my night's sleep it's eight in the morning now well i guess i might as well play until i get tired again that's how rust is. I can just picture Kyle sitting there and be like, it's 4 a.m. You want to play another hour? Well, you know, I don't have to get up early for the rest of my life. I guess I'll play. No, it's not healthy, though. I like having a normal sleep schedule, and I do stuff sometimes during the day. I do go out a little schedule and I do stuff sometimes during the day. You know, I like to, I do go out a little and I go to the movies or play some airsoft or something. And I like to be able to be up when the sun's out.

I like sitting on my, my, my patio outside in the sun and just looking at squirrels playing stuff. So you play Russ and then you have time for squirrels. Yeah. You talked about going out, seeing a movie in theaters. And I was, I haven't been to a movie in theaters in a while, but I was thinking of new movies I've seen, or new to me rather. Have you heard of a movie, Dragged Across Concrete?

I've heard of it. No, I've never heard of it. By Mel Gibson. He was the director. And then what's his name? Vince Vaughn was in it, a couple other. That lady from fucking The Exorcism of Emily Rose and that serial killer

show where he only kills the bad ones uh dexter that sister from dexter she's in it that movie yeah it's like friend she's a friend of a friend of mine there you go well she's in it yeah and that movie is excellent like the two hour and 35 minute time was turning me off and i was like you know what i got some time tonight i'm just hanging out by myself i'm gonna watch this it was fucking great dude like like watching where'd you see it damn it i can't give it away i bought it on amazon it wasn't available for rent anywhere so i paid 10 bucks to buy it because i've i pretty much like every mel gibson movie i've ever seen i feel like he's a really, really good director. I can't find Apocalypto anywhere, it feels like. And I haven't seen that movie in fucking forever.

I've talked about it before. I've been like, I think there's a Jewish conspiracy to keep Apocalypto away from us. And everybody was like, here it is. Now everybody knows how good Apocalypto is. Here it is. Here it is. And then I'm like, well, okay, if you say so.

And then like a week later, I'm like, well, all right. I think I want to watch Apocalypto. Wait, it's not here. It's not there. It's not here. I have every movie channel imaginable. Yeah. Why the hell wouldn't you have Apocalypto?

That movie rocked. It was so cool. But anyway, this movie dragged across concrete. Any, any viewers out there? It's got, you know, when they do violence in a very intense way, but it's not a saw five way where it's trying to gross you out you know like it just it kind of shows it in what i imagine to be brutally realistic in a lot of ways and so that that part of it was great so it's basically about this this cop these cop guys who are mel gibson and vince vaughn

they're suspended for something they do and then because mel gibson's daughter they live in a very rough area of the city she keeps getting assaulted by people on the way home like just people fucking with her and whatnot he kind of comes to the conclusion like i gotta make a fuck ton of money i gotta make it now i i gotta get out of here like i gotta get my daughter out of here and now i'm suspended so i can can't make any money. And so they go on a bit of a vigilante, you know, spree doing some things, tracking criminals and such.

And it's, you know, I didn't give anything away, but it's, it's real. If you like that style of movie, you'll really enjoy it. Especially with like,

I think Mel Gibson's a great actor and Vince Vaughn also a really good actor. I like him. He's in the newest season of current, by the way. Really? Yeah. really good actor. I like him. He's in the newest season of Curb, by the way. Really? Yeah. Huh. Well, I'm sure I like him.

So is Jon Hamm. In the newest episode, Jon Hamm gets in touch with Larry. Blues fan Jon Hamm. Yeah, blues fan Jon Hamm. He's doing a movie about a character very similar to Larry David. And so he wants to shadow Larry David to pick some stuff up. As the episode goes on,

he's becoming more and more and more like Larry to the point where they're dressing identically. He's got the same glasses on. His mannerisms are identical. He's acting all neurotically. Yes. That convinced me that Jon Hamm is one of the finest actors in existence because he becomes larry david by the end like like like larry's ex-wife takes john

ham out on a date because she's john ham and like halfway through the date she's like you're just like fucking larry i gotta go he He's like, what? Why? You're leaving? Yeah. It's funny how watching this show, and I've watched through Seinfeld probably about as many times as you have, and you see the delivery

of Jerry is Larry. Is Larry. Where it's, what? What's this? What are we doing? That's the Jerry-Larry delivery. But the neuroticism of Larry is all George. It's all George. And I remember there was one episode where someone said like,

oh, that George character, just he was so annoying. He wasn't that bad? He's not that bad. You know, he's getting offended because he's like, that's the character that's based on me. Like me like getting all neurotic and he is like the epitome of neuroticism yeah just any little thing that strikes him wrong he has to make an ordeal out of and it's it's he goes to it like i won't go too deep into the plot line but essentially his uh his friend richard lewis uh larry invites him to dinner and larry doesn't want richard to bring his girlfriend I won't go too deep into the plot line, but essentially his friend Richard Lewis,

Larry invites him to dinner. And Larry doesn't want Richard to bring his girlfriend because he just wants the guys or whatever. And so Richard Lewis makes up this excuse to his girlfriend. He tells his girlfriend that Larry has a bleeding anus. And he wants to discuss his bleeding anus with his friend without a lady present because it would be embarrassing and larry's like so now she thinks i got a bleeding anus i i don't know it just popped into my head i got thousands of excuses i could have just left right left right this and that come on bleeding anus so then there's a dinner party at her house very fancy table everybody eight people you know four couples gather around the table they've got these big fancy cushy rich people chairs

except for larry who's got a folding wooden seat because the girlfriend thinks he's got a bleeding anus and she doesn't want him sitting in her fancy chair. And he's like, what the fuck? She's like, yeah, can you believe it? It came in a set of seven. After we finish the show and however long we have, I'm definitely going to watch an episode or two occur before I go to bed. I'm glad you told me to give that show another chance because it is so fucking funny.

It gets better as it goes. Yeah, I'm really enjoying it. I'm going to either do that or I'm going to watch guys prepping channels on YouTube, get a huge amount of ideas on what I could do, then think about how much that costs and the practicality and decide against it.

Those are my two plans for after the show. I anyway so i got i got a bunch of rotisserie chicken in there i'm gonna cut up dice it a little bit and then make a quesadilla i think that sounds good yeah i'm gonna make chicken soup tomorrow and i'm gonna use a rotisserie chicken for the chicken part of the soup rotisserie chickens feel like cheating at the store where it's like, you're telling me that I can buy this whole game hen chicken for $3.99? Really?

It's great. It's awesome. It's like two meals worth of chicken and it's delicious. Yeah, I really like making soups. Somebody does chicken soup, carrots, celery, and... Potatoes? No potatoes. You don't put potatoes in your little chunks of potatoes? making soups. Chicken soup, carrots, celery. Potatoes? No potatoes. You don't put potatoes in your little chunk of potatoes? No.

Carrots and celery. I think that's it. And yeah. Take that rotisserie chicken and shred it all up. Toss that in there. It's going to be pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, pretty good good i usually freeze it when i like i like make a bunch of soup and then i put it in little uh tupperware containers with

a screw on lids i freeze them up then i got soup whenever i want kyle's fancy brand i got a bunch of soups frozen i got all sorts of chilies and bisques. Do you have any frozen fish for your upcoming quarantine? What do you got? Cod. I got some frozen cod fillets in there. I got some crab cakes. I got a few boxes of crab cakes frozen up. Ooh.

Nice fancy quarantine. Yeah, you know. I got a box of fish sticks, too. You know, if you want to go the other direction. I haven't had a fish stick since I was eight. I right i'm not a fan of them they weren't for me they were fine when i was that age but i bet they're gross now yeah actually last time i ate them i think i threw up oh yeah you got a very sensitive stomach sometimes a little revolt on you i do a little bit yeah do you ever throw up just from eating anything woody

like i don't unless it was legitimately spoiled for a guy that makes it rain at taco bell you'd think kyle would have a billy goat belly but yeah no i i don't know what it is i've been vomiting maybe once every 10 days lately i don't i don't know what's going on. It's not a good ratio. It's not a good ratio at all. It's something about what I've been eating. I haven't vomited in a very long time. Yeah. Probably last drinking episode.

I don't think I vomited last drinking episode. The one before probably. Yeah. If I get the hiccups, sometimes I'll try and force myself to vomit because I feel like that's the only way to get rid of it. And I get the hiccups in a way that most people don't. When you get the hiccups, how long do they last?

Five, ten minutes. My fix for it, I try to do the holding your breath thing and letting it out. It doesn't fucking work for me. You know what works? It's probably the least I try to do the holding your breath thing and letting it out. It doesn't fucking work for me. You know what works? It's probably the least healthy thing to do. Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Spoonful of sugar makes hiccups go away.

Something about a teaspoon of sugar. It's not good to eat. You might think, oh, that's just candy. No, candy would be good. This is grainy sugar that you're just powering down i don't think i've ever had sugar straight like that sugar cubes those are nice pop that in a little treat i'm not a horse either so but yeah like a little teaspoon like a yeah i stick strictly to salt licks because i'm a guinea pig

sorry kyle i cut you off yeah i don't know that fixes it that fixes hiccups for me or sometimes i'll drink like an entire like tall glass of water like cold water and that'll fix it i really don't like the hiccups because none of that shit works for me i have had you just vomit i ever had and it's been like this for most of my life like when i get the hiccups it's like oh no my my day might be like if i'm eating a bunch of chicken wings or something and I just get going too hard and I'm eating too fast and I'm swallowing air and I get the hiccups. It's like, oh, my night, my night might be over. Like I might have to go eat myself vomit. I was it was my we were home from college, my maybe freshman summer or something.

And I went to a buddy's house. There's a big group of us. We were mid afternoon. We start boozing, drinking, having a good time. Then later at night we're eating food. We're playing poker,

still drinking, having a good time. And it gets to be like midnight and I get, I start getting my hiccups and my hiccups are a lot louder than fucking Kyle's. They are screeching and terrible and they hurt. They hurt. They hurt my throat.

And it got to be like half an hour through that. And I like looked over my buddy or my friends who was there and I was like, Hayden, do your parents have like any kind of NyQuil or something that would help me get rid of these hiccups so I could fall asleep? And he was blackout drunk, just like pretty much all of us were. And he does that like one eye not even looking at you thing.

The other one just dazing. He's like, I got you, Taylor. I got you. He runs upstairs. He's gone for about 10 minutes, about 10 minutes. He comes back down with just his hands cupped. And he goes, take all this, take all this. And he has a bunch of like, there's a couple of gummies in there,

then a couple of pills and a couple more pills. And I was drunk and I wanted to get rid of these hiccups. And I was like, put it all in there, put it all in there, pop it all in, grab my beer, guzzle it down, swallow all the pills. And then I asked him like, what was that? What was that buddy? He's like, dude, you are not going to have the hiccups in a little bit. Cause that was like three sleeping pills. That was two NyQu little bit because that was like three sleeping pills that was two nyquil pills that was like a couple melatonins i put two like uh uh vitamin gummies in there and i was like why would you do because he was so drunk when he went up there he was just grabbing shit that he thought looked healthy and i was like why would you do that and i we kept

playing poker you know i'm not good at poker. We're just playing talk and shooting the shit most of the time. 15 minutes later, I'm feeling weird. I'm feeling weird and I'm feeling tired, but I'm still hiccuping. Go over to the couch in their basement and I lay down still hiccuping. You remember those tactile feelings that you just tie to memory so closely? Laying down on their leather couch and feeling the coolness press up against the hotness of the left side of my face,

and yet also having the blanket up over my lower half, feeling secure, feeling nice and sleepy. I'm still doing that. Within 10 minutes, I'm out. I'm out in a drug-induced borderline coma. And I remember waking up at like 815 or whatever the next morning, sitting up being like, I feel fine. Maybe a little hungover, but I feel okay. And my hiccups are gone. And I walked into the bathroom, started to pee.

Happened again. And it hurt so bad, so bad on that that hiccup i walked over to the sink and i went blood blood i spit out blood and i talked to my friend who was sleeping on the other side of the couch and i was like dude what the hell happened like was how am i like spitting up blood how am i still hiccuping he was like dude sleeping next to you was a fucking nightmare you were hiccuping all night all night you were hiccuping i swear to god the next like four or five days like talking was kind of like this like everything wasn't i thought this story was gonna take a turn like dude you wouldn't stop hiccuping we all thought if we stuck our tics in your mouth. So we just started beating the

shit out of him. I grabbed your ears and pulled. Mike told us to slow down. But I was just pissed. I started elbowing you in the throat. Mike told us nothing takes the attention off the hiccups like a bruised rib. And so we did that.

I worked those kidneys for a while my throat was fucking killing me i and like that was before that i had really bad hiccups but that like and the pain i had that day i'm just trying to swallow and talk really gave me a little mini hiccup phobia i anytime i hiccup even like twice i'm i will consider vomiting i hate it oh yeah i don't like it at all I don't like it at all. I don't like it at all. It really sucks if they're bad, if they're really legitimately bad. Oh, yeah. And they're always bad for me.

Nothing. What even causes hiccups? How can we go to the moon and we can't figure that shit out? I love that expression. How can we put a man on the moon and not know how shoelaces work or something? Shoelaces?

I mean, you could have gone a little more advanced. Shoelaces. What the fuck is a thumbtack? How's that? Doesn't look like a thumb, does it? What's the deal with thumbtacks? It's not a thumb

well I guess it's a tack alright see you in my next show Jerry Seinfeld has got to be the most successful comedian with the least funny stand up like it's just not good he is is there a wealthier comedian out there Kevin Hart

is the most wealthy comedian out there. I have an update on the UFC situation. Dana White released a video just a few minutes ago. What's up? What are they going to do? The fights will go on. Will the audiences continue to attend? No. A lot of the fights are being moved to the UFC Institute

in Vegas, in that little tough arena, where it's seating for like 100 or something like that. Dude, I'm interested in this. It's going to be quiet. It's going to be quiet but maybe I'm making this up. I wonder

if the production value will get better than ever. You know? Will there be cameras on the ceiling? Will there be drones flying? I don't know what the fuck. If they own the whole building and the building is smaller and it's a thing. Let's go to Khabib's asshole cam. As you can see, his colon is working overtime. Oh, this man's been working his kegels.

We're going to the Joe Rogan forehead cam. Let's go live now. I want to hear Rogan and Cormier. I hope Rogan and Cormier i hope rogan and cormier are the commentators on that they're my favorite duo they probably are uh i i'm psyched for that i'm psyched that it's still going i was kind of hoping it didn't happen during my trip but my friends are all talking about canceling the trip or moving it yeah man that makes sense you should move it you know you should probably move that. It's in April.

I think that this is going to be worse. This will be worse in April. I think that it's going to be worse. I think that they're talking about there could be as many as 100,000 cases just in Ohio. We're just not testing enough, it seems. We just don't have any idea how many people are infected right now. I know it sounds silly and like apocalyptic mode

i think preppers are legitimately silly if you're doing it with the mindset of like yeah it's kind of fun right the same way that like you know you do mixed martial arts because it's like hey if this super duper rare scenario came down i could defend myself for a lot of them it seems the same reason you learn tactical shooting. Like, hey, if my home were invaded by gun-wielding insurgents, this seems more likely than any of those things at this point. And again, I think that three of us are all safe. But Woody's got a young boy at his house.

He's got a baby that stops by there quite a bit. His parents are older. My parents are older. Is Colin the young boy, or is there know he's got a baby that stops by there quite a bit his parents are older my parents are older is colin the young boy or is there another one i'm unaware of am i a pedo in this situation see that was a test i wanted to know i i never know i wanted to know okay we're like how did you know about yeah i didn't know that you knew how did you know about little jimmy who's been talking jackie did you know about slave bob no but you know about little Jimmy? Who's been talking? How did you know about slave Bob? No, but you know, if I had a family, I would feel... You shouldn't travel?

I'm not going to put myself in your shoes. I don't know. It seems like a dangerous situation right now. I'll tell you what, United... I think it's United we're going through. They're offering free rescheduling oh fuck all right dude i cruise ships are so desperate to get any kind of business right now i got an email solicitation from some cruise company that is offering a 15 day cruise cruise, all alcohol included, all food included for $600. For

15 days. I'll say this. That's ludicrous. If I were a free man, I would be in South Korea right now, living it up big time. You know that's one of the worst countries for this, right? You know it's the cheapest place in the world to ball like a rock star right

now. Do you know what Airbnb mansions are going for in South Korea right now? Forget about Corona. They just fired three rockets from North Korea out the other day, right? It is a scary place to be. Nobody's coming in there to rent homes and apartments and villas. I could get a villa. You know what those whores are going for over there right now? Pennies on the dollar. A friend of mine

is a military guy. He's in South Korea right now. We're talking about DMZ pussy. He was supposed to go home at the end of this month and he's not. He's staying for a while. They're not letting the soldiers go home. And we're going to get worse than

fucking like Italy in the long run, I would guess, because like at least most of those European countries and Russia and Israel and shit were like, yeah, fucking borders closed. Nothing. Nobody gets in. No potential fucking communicable people

coming in. We're still not even doing that. I know we cut off fucking Europe. Yeah. We're still letting people fly in on like special allowances and stuff and people can come in from other countries like we we shouldn't be letting anybody in unless if we can't even afford to test people who live here jesus christ you might be right about that i feel like i don't know the answer you know like mexicans don't have it right maybe i don't know uh do we need oh we got the dos but uh here's what i'm predicting i think i said at the top of the show they're going to find Mexicans don't have it, right? Maybe. I don't know. Do we need to? No, we got the Dos Equis. But here's what I'm predicting.

I think I said at the top of the show, they're going to find some way to give government money, public money to wealthy people and say, it's for your benefit, Taylor, I swear to God. If I just pay your boss enough, he'll give you something, I think, maybe. They already did that $1.5 you know, into the stock market today, didn't they? I don't know, probably something along those lines. Yeah. So like it, it's funny, like rich people start to lose money on the stock market and everyone on the Hill is like, yeah, yeah. Everybody who pays my salary, you know, I only make $190,000 a year. People are going to wonder why I'm worth $35 million.

Public losses, private gains. When I heard Italy was making it so mortgages were suspended, I was like, what? They did something for people? Who does things for people? I thought government was for businesses. That's what a government should be. If you told me they were doing a billion in oil subsidies in America because the prices went down,

I'd say, yeah, that sounds about American. If you told me that they were going to let regular people skip on mortgage payments and just delay it for a couple months, no way that happens here. Nothing like that has ever happened in my lifetime, my parents' lifetime. Like that's just not a thing we do. We don't help people.

Yeah, it won't happen. Our government's not going to help people here. Rich people. Fucking nonsense. That's a different thing. Oh, they'll help rich people. They've always done that because the government is just owned by rich people. So, you know, they're helping their owners basically. I think basically i think yeah i usually i don't sign off all the time but i think i am this

time that sounds right you know the reason rich people buy politicians is they get a good return on investment yeah otherwise they stop buying them yes it's like do you think people like bloomberg and sheldon adelson are like ah wasted another hundred million darn and now he's ignoring my calls it's like no when that guy you know fucking macron in france or putin in russia or fucking whoever in saudi arabia they ring the phone the president takes a couple more rings than when Sheldon Adelson or Bloomberg or one of those guys does. When they do, it's just, sir, yes, fucking sir. Whatever you want, sir. When Goldman Sachs paid Hillary Clinton, I think, $625,000 for a 13-minute speech, and then they said, we'll take another one.

I know that they didn't buy a speech. Don't be dumb. They're not buying speeches. They're buying influence and return. And the fact that they're repeat customers says something to me. Yeah. No senior stockbroker was sitting in that lecture hall with Hillary being like, fuck, this is, are you getting this? Fuck, dude. These are smart ideas.

Can you imagine? Are you getting this? Fuck, dude. These are smart ideas. Can you imagine? Like, none of them are doing that at all. She was telling these people, like, how Brazilian economy was going to grow or something along those lines. There's, just like you said, none of them who were paying for that were like, dude, tell me more. I want to know.

to know it's the same way that art works where they'll be like oh this drawing of a trapezoid went for 102 million it's like this is this this is just money laundering that's allowed because it's rich people and nobody's going to come after them like that's all that high art sales is is moving money around for for cheap i forget the cliche like if it doesn't sell for half a million take it off the wall and put it back up for a million yeah that sounds like a saying i believe you know that art world is crazy but yeah the whole whole corona thing i'm interested to see how it pans out part of me you know is interested to see what will happen if it gets really terrible and the other part of me is just hoping that it goes away before it gets bad.

But it seems like we've kind of crossed the going away bridge. Like we've ignored the testing and the public health, you know, I have no idea. Of course, we've seen the last couple of pandemic threats turn into nothing. This one's already something, but at least in my little sphere of visibility,

the reaction to it is something. Canceling March Madness, canceling NBA, NHL, removing the crowds from Ellen DeGeneres and UFC. The reaction is a big deal. People getting sick. How many confirmed cases do we have in America? See, that's the thing is uh i was looking at some chart where it showed the number of available testing kits per million individuals

in a country and it was like south korea fucking three three thousand five hundred kits per million people this other country 2000 you know italy. The United States has five kits per million residents. That's five. Yeah. The CDC has done 77 tests this week. That's it. And so it's like, it's pretty easy to say, oh, we don't even have any confirmed cases. And it's like, oh, really?

How would we figure out a confirmed case? Oh, we can't. Interesting. Yes. It's kind of fucked up. I was thinking, what if I get sick? And I think maybe I've got this thing. What is my next step?

You got nothing, dude. You're going to go to whatever your local hospital is. You're going to say, I think I have coronavirus. I'm saying, if you did, you would go. You would say, I think I have coronavirus. They would tell you that they don't have a testing kit and put you on a list and that would be it. They probably, you know,

you can get some drugs for like a normal flu relief, which would probably help. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like, like, like I feel like if I, what should happen is I should be able to call a number and be like, Hey,

I think I have the coronavirus and they should either mail me a kit or send a person to my house. That is what should happen. What, um, what you might not know, and we've done this a bunch of times it's been good we call our health insurance and say these are our symptoms what's our next step like you know like we're new parents my kids coughing or something like this is what i'm looking at i don't really know about sick kids yet this is my first one.

And there's a person on the insurance company who's an actual nurse who says, see your doctor tomorrow. Get that kid to the hospital right now. And they have liability. They care. It's not just, they care because there's money.

But yeah. Anyway, that is probably what I would do. I'd call them and be like, these are my symptoms and I'm nervous. What's my next step? Because you don't want to go to a hospital for flu. Of course not. They might fuck you over. What most people are doing is just

going, I'm not that sick. I can go work at Quiznos again. I think if I literally get sick, I'm just going to go on Instant Cart and order DayQuil and NyQuil and that's it.

If you have a hard time breathing, you should talk to a professional. Because that's one of the differentiators. If your shortness of breath, if that's one of your symptoms. I don't think they can treat it. I don't think they can treat coronavirus. Yeah, the treatments they're offering

are similar to their treatments for the common flu, where it's like, all right, well, take this pill if you catch it early. Yeah, there's nothing to be done about the virus. Otherwise, take NyQuil and get some sleep. I think there is some stuff that you guys haven't covered. Like, I think there's some treatments that would be similar to asthma, like nebulizers and breathing machines and shit like that, if it came to that. I was on those as a kid, yeah.

Okay. A nebulizer? nebulizer uh a um like a full-on breathing machine like it's a little it's like a mini air compressor um with like hoses that run out of it to a um this this inhaler that has like a bottle of liquid um medicine in it and it's it's vaporizing that and i would have to inhale like all this vapor uh to deal with my bronchitis and allergies every year it's like an asthma huffer or asthma, whatever. No, it's like, like, like there's a whole, like there's an air compressor. Like there's this little machine, like a breathe.

We called it a breathing machine. A rebreather. And it's just like you flip a switch and it would go like an air compressor. And it's just. What did you have? Like acute bronchitis and severe allergies as a kid like every season my friend bronchitis and you've never had the flu that's that's interesting yeah i really i've never had the flu like we get achy and like i know what the flu like symptoms are i have had pneumonia i had uh i had pneumonia to the point where i was coughing i had pneumonia and strep throat at the

same time i was coughing up blood. And I had a severe, like difficult breathing, severe cough. And I had to go film out in New Mexico in the fucking desert. So like you watch those videos and it's like, oh my friends, it is F.B.F. Roth. You're just struggling. Yeah, I don't sound like I'm supposed to sound.

And I'm just out there looking like shit. Just like in an actual desert. I'll never forget. I don't sound like I'm supposed to sound. And I'm just out there looking like shit. Just like in an actual desert. I'll never forget. Like I'm literally vomiting behind a truck. And I finish vomiting. And I take blue Gatorade, swish it out, spit out the vomit, and then drink some more to like try to stay hydrated. Because I just threw up in the desert with pneumonia.

And I go out there and I'm filming a video where I have a 500 Smith & Wesson handgun in each hand. They're the most powerful handguns in the world. I remember that video. My friend throws a tear gas grenade at me. What a prick. It goes right at my feet. And I get mad, so I kick it and it explodes. And it just makes a big, instead of like a stream of tear gas,

it just goes, poof, tear gas. And I'm just like, That was a good day. I love my friends. Yeah. If you've ever, you've never had the flu, but if you've ever, if you ever get the stomach flu, it will make you wish so hard that you just

had the regular flu i've had it i've had it i've had i've had food poisoning many times like like when i was traveling around yeah a few times i i was traveling around so much and i was eating at like all the i wanted to eat all this like like food i'd never had before like like i'm like oh yeah like all this fancy seafood and oysters and all sorts of shellfish and it seemed like i got food poisoning every three weeks for six months like like a string of times like over and over and over you're probably fucking allergic to something that you were eating over and over that is a weird amount of times to get food poisoning in six i remember it was um not muscles but uh what are those things that they cook? I always forget what they're called.

Mussels, clams, shallots. Does it look like a mussel? It's that little white disc of shellfish that they like sear for just a second. Scallops. Yeah. Yeah, I got the scallops at this place called Legal Seafood Boston. And then they were delicious. And then right after that, Kitty and I went to like this fancy chocolatier.

And I got like the darkest chocolate with macadamia nuts that I'd ever had. I ate that. And then I spent the night shitting and vomiting in the bathroom. And it was this dark black mud chocolate coming out. Just lava cake coming out of your mouth. Yeah. Yeah. I,

it was awful. I, I, I got so much there for a little while. I haven't had it in a little bit. I don't think, but, but I do get sick from every now and then.

I threw up like either last night or the night before. My, my, my sleep schedule was a little fucked. I fucking hate vomiting. Vomiting sucks. But the feeling after you vomit, if you have the flu or if you're too drunk or something,

or if you ate something bad, that's such a freeing feeling to get that evil out of you. I've heard other people say that, and it's never been my experience. I wish it was. People throw up, and then then afterwards they're like, huh, the magic just happened.

Now I feel okay. No, after I vomit, I still feel awful. It's terrible. Have you ever had the stomach flu, Woody? Yeah.

Yeah. Terrible. And did you ever have it where like you drink like, like in the morning you wake up already nauseous no food in your belly you go and drink like three ounces of water and eat a banana and then vomit up some foam you go and you vomit all the banana and all the water up and then you just vomit enough orange bile or whatever into your throat to have to spit it into the toilet and you still feel like you're oh the stomach flu i haven't had that since i was like fucking 14 and shit seared to my memory

how unpleasant it was horrible at least if you're vomiting when you're way too drunk you're not totally cogent and with it you're super drunk but when you're vomiting from the stomach flu you're all there you're all there and you're experiencing every but when you're vomiting from the stomach flu you're all there you're all there and you're experiencing every little ounce of shit that's coming up or trying to come oh having the flu is so bad and that somehow though like time has passed i'm like yeah the flu it's a little thing we all get it and move past it right but when you're in it oh my i forgot how awful this was i had the flu whatever a couple weeks ago and like my bones hurt like i'm usually pretty unaware of all my bones you know

like they just do their jobs and they don't really fuss exactly pal doesn't get it because he's never had it you'll like pick up like a fork to try and eat your eggs and you're like ah ah my arm for me i walk in my shin bones hurt right my shin bones typically just do their job without complaint it's not a thing i ever think about but when i have the flu you this is uh everything my skin was all in pain all my whole skin the organ that covers my whole body. Yeah. And I rub it and I'm like, this actually, like, it's not a bad pain. Like, it's not awful, but it's pain.

This is what pain is. Yeah. Touching your skin is stingy. It's like in every morning you wake up feeling like you joined an inner city gang the night before. Thrown on the ground in the middle of a public playground and people kick the shit out of you. You're like, ah, I haven't done anything physical in five days. I shouldn't be sore.

You're just trying. God, I hope I don't get the flu. Justin Trudeau's wife just tested positive for coronavirus. Why the hell are all these famous people getting it? Maybe they travel. They meet a lot of people. Or, in fact, maybe all of these famous people are faking having this disease so that they

have first access to the round of whatever medicine they need. And then the rest of us peons are waiting for years for our kids. Poor Alex. Did you see that? He got a T. Why the other day? I did. Alex Jones.

Alex likes to party. I've never heard that from anyone. And I'll have you know, they did not test for alcohol. They tested for bone broth per milliliter of blood. And I'm not ashamed to say this. They said, I've never seen so much bone broth in a man's blood. Did he get a DWI or a DUI? Same thing. Well, it could have been under the influence of bone broth and a man's blood. Did he get a DWI or a DUI? Same thing.

Well, it could have been under the influence of bone broth, right? DWI means intoxication specifically. DUI, maybe it's just on it. Yeah, DUI, he's just... ONNIT. He's just guzzling down Shroom Tech Sports. He's taking pills, just drinking it down. He's just...

I was under the influence of elk meat. It made me so aggressive. Now it doesn't make me feel more aggressive. What the fuck are you talking about? This Ohio health official now estimates that 1% of Ohio natives are carrying the coronavirus. 1% of 1% will die then.

That is a lot of Ohioans. That is a thousand Ohioans is 1,000 Ohioans. 100,000 Ohioans. You're saying who die. Yeah. 100,000. Except 1% is now the low estimate. 3% is the high.

So probably somewhere in the middle there. That number is really hard to peg. Right? Because you get a lot of people who aren't even sick enough to get treatment. And then... Ow! You get people who may have had it and never got tested you know like it's hard to tell and then on the other side some of the deaths we've had that have been

diagnosed as regular you know flu numbers could have been corona right so you know what would be a scary place to be right now prison yes yeah actually both of the democratic candidates came out and said private prisons tell us your corona plans. You've got to produce it. And I thought, you know, that's right. That's a hot spot. Why just private prisons? Do public prisons already have a plan or no? Yeah, I don't know why they singled out private prisons. Maybe because they disliked them in the first place. Probably because they're not under the oversight of these government agencies. Yeah, not under their purview.

They have their, yes, their purview. Their purview, of course. Lord Conwars, those prisons are under our purview. Oh, we must remedy that, shall we? Private prisons are a problem. I saw a tweet that made a ton of sense to me. There were three things they didn't want privatized. Perfect colonists.

They didn't want to privatize prisons, healthcare, and something else. It was like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Maybe the last one was school. I'm like, yeah, that kind of makes sense. Life is healthcare. Pursuit of happiness was school and liberty was prisons. Life, liberty,

pursuit of happiness, none of those should be privatized. So we should probably be shutting down schools now, right? They are. I mean, like, every country in Europe has already done it. Yeah, a lot of my associates from Tarkov, they're like, three weeks off, let's go! I'm at power level!

Ah, Street 51 again! Yeah. Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's just, this is... I'm a power level Street 51 again Yeah Yeah This is We're living in crazy times I'm telling you when Trump got elected We branched off from the main timeline We're off in one of those DC universes With Bizarro, Superman

And Wolf Boy Joker And all that crazy shit There's at least one universe where you two are still chatting with the wings. Yeah. Oh yeah. There's at least one where Wings is dead. Oh at least one. There might be one where I'm still

talking to Lefty. I like to think there's none where we're still talking to Lefty. I said that because I knew Kyle would have some pushback the Kyle in every universe put his fucking foot down in the infinite cosmos

anything is possible you know Lefty I really like your hot takes where Lefty and Kyle still are on the same show what we see here is Kyle, in breaking with all rules of the law of nature, has chosen the fat-headed retard as a companion in each. Yeah.

That reality does not exist. There's plenty of realities where Wings is still tagging along, but there's none where Lefty's still here. At least one out there where my YouTube channel was a success. I wonder what Lefty's doing now. I don't care. I don't.

I don't. That's interesting. You don't care at all? I've spent a hundred hours with this guy. I don't care if he's alive or dead. Well, I'd prefer to be alive. I'd like an update. Do you? I bet a lot of fans feel like i do like that not that i wish he was still on the show but then i do wonder how that guy turned out hope he's doing well i always hear like oh he's a famous voice actor now

is he i mean i don't know i've never heard of him if i heard his voice on the commercial i probably wouldn't recognize it at this point or maybe it would strike one of those jimmy neutron style brain blasts and i would remember i don't know his voice is memorable to me he always had his audio on point i can picture now yeah he he did he has a great voice for audio yeah my voice is ass but your accents are good i was i used to when i first got into youtube there was a guy gfx labs oh i remember that guy he was like what are your voices great you can do audio work and i was like i'm not gonna say no to an opportunity and it never panned out but it had me thinking that i could do audio work i'm capable of reading and i sound okay. Why not do audio work? Now that I've been on the show with you guys and I've listened to more and more audio books, I can only do audio work if they want this one voice.

If this is exactly what they wanted, that's great. Heaven forbid there's a Mexican character or a Jewish character or whatever. They're all going to sound somehow the same. Rebecca turned to her husband and said with a sweet melodic voice no honey i mean if i'm competing for a book yeah i can do up to three different african voices somehow they would all sound the same yet different each time. Simultaneously, I would be terrible

at it. If that old bitch with Game of Thrones can do it, I feel like anybody can do it. Don't speak ill of the dead. Oh, I forgot that that bitch died. How cruel of you, Taylor. We don't say mean things on this show.

Well, it was more like... Taylor, don't say mean things on this show. Well, it was more like... Taylor, we always say mean things on this show. We don't talk shit about the dead. Only the dying. Him being so anxious almost made it better. Kyle knew what I was thinking. I stopped.

I'm not gonna... Do it. On a totally different topic, how's gangster grandma doing how is she doing what's the update on her is she out of the hospital I don't I want us to get a soundboard

and I'd be fine if the only button on it was the curb you're enthusiastic so every time you just every time i change topics i wasn't doing what you're saying at all that would be a good one i don't know how she's doing i haven't heard anything about her from her from a while i don't know she frankly she's a little lacking on content these days. You know, I like my YouTubers to put something out there occasionally. Is she? I thought, is she? I'd like a Let's Play or, you know, maybe a Dark Souls run through from her.

That'd be cool. Is she dead? I mean, maybe she could play a little Doom. I think Wings would have mentioned if she was dead. That's coming. Oh, I couldn't tell if Kyle was doing a joke about the lack of content being because she was dead i didn't know if she had died or not fuck what i dropped yeah i don't know those anchovies i don't think she's dead god i hope not that'll never come out

of the carpet are you just are you so are you gonna go back into your supply room and be like dump dump i didn't have many anchovies i i had i literally had two packs one was this one and the other was the one you linked earlier and see i've never had the kind you've had but the one that i linked where it's like just looks like a solid piece of fish basically like a fish filet that you would get on pizza when you order anchovies that does not taste as bad as what i imagined you had i had to will myself not to vomit i saw you did a good job because you're you are one who loves to vomit not loves to vomit but you happen to vomit a lot it's it's it's bad what's your meal plan for after

this kyle do you have something delicious i don't think i can eat honestly i'm probably gonna like have some ritz crackers and put some peanut butter on them. I feel like that'll settle my stomach. How about some of that chicken pate or whatever you got? It's actually not so bad, but I'm honestly saving this in case I actually need some food. It's not delicious or anything. It's just nutritious and hearty and lasts forever.

Do you have a bunch of normal-ass tuna too? Just regular shit? I already had that, yeah. Do you have it in the cans or do you have it in those pouches? Both. Those pouches, the one that's buffalo sauce flavored? Very good. I don't get the flavored ones. I figure I've got enough seasoning around to flavor them however I'd like.

I could do that. But I just like a little relish, a little mayo, and a little pepper in there. And that's all. I do that. I'm really happy to eat it on crackers. I like it chilled. Crackers or wheat toast or something like that. I like it a lot.

I love pickles. Not a relish guy. Not that people say I'm relish. I like the crunch that it adds to the tuna salad. I was out with a couple of my friends who are jewish at a jewish deli or whatever the hell it is delicatessen as larry david calls it in the show and they have something called like half pickles where it's like instead of leaving the cucumber spears in there long enough to become a full pickle they leave it

in there for half the time to soak up a bunch of vinegar but it retains every bit of crunchiness of the the cucumber and i had never even heard of that i think it's called a half that's how they described it i don't remember the name it was fucking great super good because that's the only negative side of a pickle because the vinegar taste is great but it's never as crisp as you want i might try that because uh i i i'm making beef jerky tomorrow and i've got my hot sauce fermenting now so maybe a little pickling as well beef jerky is easy to make by the way i got a like a two pound um bottom round uh chunk of beef and i i have excellent kitchen knives that are just razor sharp and i cut the thinnest strips of it that i could cut which are like paper thin and then i

marinated in uh i don't have to know the exact ratios but it's like uh soy sauce and worcestershire sauce and i add a little bit of like heat to it with some sriracha marinated in that for like eight hours. And then you just bake it at like 175 degrees and it dehydrates it. And I've got a vacuum sealer. So I just vacuum sealed it up in the bags. And that's all you have to do. Yeah. I didn't know you could bake them and get it done that fast.

Have you had any yet? Is it good? I haven't tried it yet. It's a food wishes on YouTube has a really good recipe. It's the one I use. It's a chef John from food wishes on youtube has a really good recipe it's the one i used it's a chef john from foodwishes.com with foodwishes.com is that how he says it yeah yeah hello i'm chef john with from foodwishes.com with and then he announces you reminded me of like that dale gribble like and we're with the bulldozer here in orleans big game where dale gribble would love this coronavirus stuff you know they're infecting people left and

right you all called me fools when i kept a hundred gallons of water for myself down there. Who's laughing? Nancy, shut up! My only fear now is that... My only fear now is that... What the fuck is his son's name? Joseph. My only fear now is that Joseph is gonna steal it from me. I like when he infected

Hank's yard with the fire hands. My lawn! Not my lawn! Now, Dale, what got up your. My lawn! Not my lawn! Now, Dale, what got up your ass to do this to my lawn? Hank, you don't understand. They're coming for us and they would have known if it was my lawn.

Maybe I'll watch a couple episodes of that. That is a show I never get tired of. It's such a feel-good show for me. I fucking love the Hill family. Peggy I could do without, but she creates feel good show for me. I fucking love the Hill family. Peggy, I could do without, but she creates a lot of funny situations. I feel like they should have killed Peggy off when she was in that skydiving incident.

Yeah, but it was Peggy where she, it was Peggy. It was funny when she was like, now, Bobby, I am one of only 16 people to have survived falling from that distance. Now, I have not looked it up.

That is only a rough estimate. And then she gets caught to do her physical therapy. What's the matter, Hank's wife? Can't get up and walk? Hank's wife, put yourself in that chair. Yeah. Hank's wife, put yourself in that chair.

Yeah. Hank's wife. Pretty man. Yeah. G-H. Bring G-H over here. I always wanted a son named Hank. Dad, you named me Hank.

All right, I'll call him Good Hank. You can be B-H. Bad Hank. That's such a fucking piece of shit. Remember when he thought that Bobby had turf toe and he was so proud and it turned out Bobby had gout from eating all the liver and organ meat

at the deli? Oh, Bobby, you told me you got it from playing football. He's teaching him how to get a three-point stance and teach him all this football knowledge. You want to get down low, Bobby, and use your leverage. But Dad,

I just want to go and eat more organ meat. He shows up in that New York deli with that New York Jew-sounding guy who's serving everything. He's just like, what a day! Starts adopting that Jewishish cadence which larry david has in spades like he is the most jewish sounding person i've ever met in my entire life

no i've never met him but i've ever seen in my entire life when you get to the episode where his friend richard uh has like liver cancer or something and larry is a match for a donor but he's trying to find any other way to get him somebody else's liver so he's trying to cozy up with the guy who's on the like like organ donation board but that guy's a devout orthodox jew and so he's like trying to play the part of a devout jew it's that's the one where they end up on the chairlift and he's on the chairlift with the organ donor bigwig's daughter and she's like and and the chairlift gets stuck it won't move and she's like the sun's going down and he's like so fucking what he's like i cannot be with a man after dark he's like why the fuck not who says that and she's like the torah says that oh the torah of course of

course she goes well somebody's gonna have to jump and he goes are you fucking crazy she's like hold my phone and she just jumps from like 35 feet up what she heard how'd she do she's fucked up they don't get the liver i'll tell you that you gotta really believe in your religion to do something like that if I was Jewish and I was like following all the rules easy peasy just not eating clams or whatever and then like the Torah or the Talmuds or whatever telling me to jump

off a ski lift fuck that it'd be funny if she jumped and like got really hurt and became an organ donor that would have been a good and her liver was the that actually would have been a good and her liver was the yeah yeah that actually would have been a good see woody that was the exact point that you could have hit the soundboard and that's it no other soundboard that's it

maybe the incredible hulk sound every once in a while one clip. Oh, yeah, the sad music. Yeah, yeah. Whenever we do a little Wings update. Joe Lozon. I'll never forget Wings was having a little pity party for himself one time on the show, and Joe Lozon starts playing the sad Hulk music. Oh, and we just all die laughing, and Wings doesn't get it.

Joe is not a bullshitter and I learned that within two seconds of meeting him where he just, he calls every little thing how you see it. You make a bad joke in front of Joe that doesn't land. That was funny. That sucked, dude. What were you thinking?

Why would you say that? It's like, Joe, I've got a lot of mean things to say to you too, but I'm really afraid, okay? You should be. You should be. you why would you say that it's like joe i've got a lot of mean things to say to you too but i'm really afraid okay you're gonna break your hand and end your career buddy you might professional fighter joe lozon gets in a fight with large-headed idiot at an applebee's watch what's next dude there was a shooting in raleigh today it was oh shit i didn't hear about that yeah so uh this is the part that i think is interesting there's a guy they call the police

they said that this guy is flashing his gun and maybe threatening people the police come and here's where the stories diverge the community goes wild because they shot him. And they're like, they shot this guy for no reason. They shot this guy over a pizza. They're not having it. The police go to Facebook Live. The story is crazy. They can't have a rational conversation with the people who are upset. And it's like the next Ferguson brewing. Well, they have body cams. It was a completely justified shooting. The guy is sprinting at the police with a gun in his hand.

They tell him to stop, and he doesn't, and they shoot him. One shot, one hit in the abdomen. The guy's alive. He's in the hospital. He's awake, mad right now. And it was a good shooting

by any measure. You can't run at the cops with the police in your hand as they tell you to drop it like that's we all know that rule right yeah i would never run the cops with the police in my hand yeah you said that a little funny did i say that too no that's not how i remember it i was gonna let it slide you can't run at the cops with the gun in your hand while they tell you to stop. And I love body cams. I love body cams

help good cops too. They prove that good shootings are good. These guys were not trusting the police at all. They were going bonkers over it. They shot him over a pizza. It was unjustified, etc.

He was a great kid. A great kid who made a bad play, I guess. Yeah. That's the way she goes, bubs. unjustified etc he was a great kid yeah great kid who made a bad play i guess yeah well that's that's the way she goes bubs yeah body cams are good you know what the rest of us are in a surveillance state why can't the police be surveilled a little bit you think every cashier doesn't have a camera pointed at him all the time yeah sometimes by my customers. They shouldn't be able to turn it off when they're peeing. It's looking forward. Doesn't have dick view, cops.

And even if it did, who cares? Have you never showered with other men? Nobody gives a fuck. This is all true. These are all facts. I know. You know I have. Yeah, I know you have.

Yeah. I wonder what if it's showered with more men. I get that you guys do sports. I blow both of you out of the water. I don't think so. I've been naked with so many men. I've had a longer athletic career just by virtue of my age.

Not even close. I mean, I played hockey my entire life. My number's 300. i've showered with 300 men okay wait wait 300 different ones well no or are you doubling up because if we're adding the same people over and over put me in the thousands okay well never mind how many years did you play hockey uh i started when i was uh five but i wasn't showering then i think i probably started showering after games i I was like 13 or 14 because that's when you start to get really –

or when I started to get really rank and gross smelling. And so from then to like 18 and then plus P.E. at school, I never went to P.E. without showering afterward because I had a very – you know, I was a hairy guy. Did we just do five years of hockey? Well, of showering. Of showering afterward. It was probably 13 or 14 to 18.

I'm not and will never claim that I was a better hockey player. But I think I played longer. I think I played from like 24 to 40. Like 16 years. See, that's nothing. That's probably a lot less frequency because I was playing many, many times a week. That's true. I played three times a week. I play twice a week now.

Twice a week every week since I was 10. I don't think either of you come close. Wait, what? If Kyle was stealth getting good at hockey, that would be the funniest thing. That would be hilarious. I was like, Michael Scott, the next thing we meet I'm just fucking skating backwards fucking juggling the puck

that doesn't include my swimming yeah I think I just just by virtue of being look when you're my age maybe you'll have showered with more men than I have right? hope not but I think right now I'm leading the league I think you probably are

I mean if we were to prorate it oh yeah sure sure that's not the argument i'm making right i i think i may have had the most sex on this show right now when kyle's 47 i suspect he might pass me but as it is i've got decades on it oh you you've definitely had the most sex of us you've had sex the most times yeah married people have more sex than people who just hook up that might not include kyle in that statistic but yeah that's the thought process uh this is not something i feel like bragging about cool then i win because it's something i totally feel like right for you yeah yeahully! So, yeah, yeah.

Just by virtue of playing this game longer. More cocks. Well, on that note, on the cock note, Kyle, do we have any of our fun friends who have an outro? I don't know.

Alright, no. I hope not, then. This is so much better and we don't have a Alright, no. I hope not then. This is so much better and we don't have a guest. 482.