Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #489

Episode Date: May 7, 2020

In this week's PKA, it's just the boys this week! Sadly ONLYUSEmeBLADE couldn't make it, he had a medical emergency (104 fever + blood clots) so he wound up in the hospital 48 hours before the recording date, but it's still a great guestless episode. Kyle talks about his mole and skin tag removal... yikes, the guys touch on what they may or may not do again when they record the Patreon Milestone of an in-person PKA, and the guys get into a SUPER HEATED debate about candies/chocolates because we like to get into the real issues that strike at people's SOUL on PKA!

BKA489. No guest today. We'll cover that quickly. Kyle? A couple of sponsors tonight. A couple of new ones tonight. But of course, Blue Chew returning hard and ready for action, as well as the University of Colorado and Humble Bundle. We'll talk about those things later on the show. But yeah, we were supposed to have Only Use Me Blade on this week. We go back and forth with Chiz. Chiz has been working on this thing hard despite a few hardships this week um as you know we go back and forth with chis chis has been working on this thing hard despite uh a few hardships this week i'm sure some of you know if you follow

him on twitter he's had a rough week but he's still been staying on top of blade and he described getting in touch with blade like like a screenshot of the text it was so funny he was like it's trying to get in touch with a homeless person who who like has alzheimer's and sometimes just disappears and wanders well blade he finally locked blade down blade was like yeah pka thursday april 30th let's go boys it'll be fun and then yesterday he's text chis hey i'm in the hospital right now 104 fever and he sends pictures of him in a hospital bed with the bracelet, feet on the bed, hospital wall, the whole thing. All the proof was there.

All the proof was there. And look, if there hadn't been proof, you know we'd have assumed. I think there's a piece. I hope I have my facts right. But I think he's like, ah, I'm in the hospital, not feeling well, can't make the show tonight. So it's like, all right, first off, show's tomorrow. Yes, yes.

Well, I am hallucinating from the fever, Woody. I thought it was Thursday. Does that change anything about the situation or should we look for another guest? But yeah, apparently Blade's health issues are no joke. They're pretty serious and he can't make the show. Yeah, well, he's much better off in pretty serious, and he can't make the show. Well, he's much better off in the hospital right now than he is doing our show.

So that's a net good for him, hopefully. It's nothing too horrible. Yeah, I think we're going to try to get him next week or try to corral him one way or another. But we weren't able to get a replacement with one day's notice. So, yeah, it. Just us tonight. I'm looking forward to getting Blade on the show. We talked about this a little bit on PKN a couple days ago.

I think he's going to do a good fucking job. I don't think he's going to show up and be boozy like, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Blade. I think he's going to be the Blade that got interviewed by Chris Hansen a year or two ago. I think we'll have a good time with him and reminisce about some old times. I was doing my research, like trying to keep up on all the current events, see all the blade drama, the highs, the lows, and just be able to cover it.

Every time I've ever been in drama, one of my sincere hopes was always that people knew all the facts because i'm not the monster that you know the one side of the drama would make it out to be like if these guys just knew everything then they'd be cool with it and that's kind of how i wanted to interview blade like let's let's hear the whole story what do you got going on but let's see the toe today show us the toe right now maybe it's not as bad as it looks at its worst moments. What if it went, well, here it is. Stay corrected. He's got it in a little mason jar.

He grabs a mason jar. I was reaching for my mason jar, but it's too far. I'm making my hot sauce. I've got a mason jar full of peppers fermenting over there. Very excited. Next week, it'll be ready to show off for real. I'm excited.

I love getting the updates on Kyle's little projects. He's like, I'm making hot sauce now. I'm working on this new kind of cooking. I got a secret project going on right now. You'll see. Word is on Blade, they're injecting him with spinach and George Foreman chicken. He's going to be fine.

He's going to be okay. That's all he needs. And massive doses of antibiotics. We need non-seasoned chicken breast in here, stat! Where's the Vitamix? We've got to liquefy it now! Yeah. Hopefully he's okay.

Yeah. Everyone says I'm wrong. It's a very good excuse for missing an episode. I'm probably wrong. Everyone says it. But I do think if he would just switch over to the grilled chicken and asparagus diet, all these health problems would just go away. He's still in his 30s.

The problem is he's putting ginger into his kale smoothies. I think that a lot of his health problems would go away if he just dropped his sodium level. I always poo-poo sodium. smoothies i think that a lot of his health problems would go away if he just like dropped his sodium level then i always poo poo sodium like hey it doesn't hurt you but look it doesn't hurt a normal he is having blood pressure issues so he's having blood pressure issues all right i i was at the doctor today blood pressure was perfect she's like perfect. That was her words, not mine. Blade's blood pressure

is not perfect. I'd go so far as to say it's bad. I would say it's frightening, maybe. Yeah, I don't know what a good or a bad blood pressure is. If he were to do a couple push-ups, he'd look very vascular. He would explode. He'd just pop.

He'd look like Dana White in that red-faced tomato image. No, he's... Well, you know what a vasodilator is that'll lower your blood pressure. No, we shouldn't talk about that. No, we shouldn't. I'll type you a private message about why we shouldn't. Just let it go.

So, yeah, I hope that he gets better and he's able to come on the show. Purely selfish reasons for my wishes for his good health. But, you know, what's... We'll be honest about it. Yeah. Honesty is the cornerstone of my existence, Taylor.

Yes. It's important. All of ours. It's taking things seriously, being honest, being responsible Americans. That's what we need to do. And respect for women. That's how we're going to get out of this Trump era. That's the trifecta of PKA.

Respect for women. Jesus Christ. Respect for those different than us. I can't wait to hear the other two. I'll work on it. I'll work on it. There has to be car versus people videos in one of those corners.

We'll file that under urban mayhem. Urban mayhem. I like that. Urban mayhem. We have a ray. We just need one more. And what animals can we beat up? God, I hate that topic.

I've been working out quite a bit a lot of people have uh have noticed some tricep growth in me i feel like i should upgrade the animal i can beat up from a dog to a coyote or something like that like no see now your skin is tighter see before you had some uh some fat to cushion the blow. Now he's ripping vascular muscle tissue, creating serious damage. You're never going to overpower the animal. A 60-pound coyote? I can absolutely overpower a coyote. First of all, if you see a 60-pound coyote, call Guinness.

Actually, how much do they weigh? 40? I would say 35 to like a king daddy one is probably 45. Fuck it. Bring on the wolf. Actually, don't do that. That sounds terrible. A wolf will fuck you up.

Yeah, a wolf is a problem. If you've never seen one, we watch National Geographic and shit like that. I watch a ton of that stuff because with Disney+, you get all the Nat Geo shit. I could whip his ass yeah him too i'll bring it on mr bison

god you've got to see those fucking animals in real life to get any sense of how big they are compared to you and how insignificant your little 200 pounds is to them period like it's nothing especially moose those animals camel wolves right what a wolf's weight 120 am i wrong maybe i'm wrong i would i would say 120 would be a big it would be a pretty big fucking wolf but the thing is like like no way to know it's about 80 pounds of of jaw and teeth And the rest is just carrying that around. Then the rest is just fast. I don't know. I wish you could have been out there in Texas and seen Brent's pet wolf

and just gotten a sense for how intimidating that thing is to be around. Because I've been around big dogs. You've got big dogs. This thing is different. Yeah. He looks at you and he's like i guess the boss likes you no kill he's like the terminator when he like like scans something does a threat assessment and then decides no no don't terminate like just such a monster of an animal and they're really tall

i don't know they're really tall they're really't know. They're really tall. They're really fast, which is surprising. They look cool. Their heads are huge, and their jaws in particular. A lot of dogs have been bred, especially like Labradors. Their teeth have literally been bred to be dull, because they're meant to go retrieve birds and not damage that bird they're retrieving, whether it's a duck or a pheasant

or a dove. I didn't know that. The wolf's teeth, just like a Belgian Malinois' teeth, have been bred by evolution to just be sharp, grabby, barracuda, fucking monster teeth. I watched that thing tear a rabbit apart,

and it was just like he was eating a ham sandwich. String cheese. Dude, watching videos of barracudas makes me never want to get in the ocean ever again. Fuck those animals. Those are scary. You ever see a fucking gar? That'll keep you out of the goddamn lake. Arowana. Are you familiar with that one?

That's the one that goes up your pee hole. Don't think it is. They're six feet long. Nate. You haven't seen my gar. Touche. No, but I do not know about the arowana. I think I mentioned having one on one of the shows before. Mine was only a foot long, but they grow to six feet long.

No. It's this giant fish. It's small enough. You could hug it, but it's big, right? And they jump out of the water so high. One of the staples of their diet are birds sitting on tree limbs. Oh, this looks like a bitch-made fish. Yeah, I'm not a bird on a tree limb.

Yeah, I could whip this fish's ass, no problem. You have to show me the picture of the arowana you found. Okay, tell me this is... Maybe this is not an arowana. It could be. I... Okay.

That's what I'm seeing, too. Let me find... Yeah, so what I found looked like a cross between a trout and a goldfish. It looks absolutely pleasant. It looks like it would be tasty if you baked it in aluminum foil. it looks like it wouldn't be tasty if you baked it in aluminum foil or a friendly little companion to be in your little

your aquarium I bet Shaq has some of those he loves fish apparently does he? yeah I remember there was a whole show years and years ago on MTV when they had all those retards well how tall is that guy? three and a half feet?

Oh, yeah, look at that little fella. Oh, look at my really, really big fish. I want that guy to hold every fish I ever catch. I caught a giant fish. Here's, you know, Sung Lee Kim. Next time I take a dick pic, I want that guy to... That's a service he offers on Fiverr. You know, he'll come hold your dick.

I've done that before. I was with a girl who had incredibly tiny, tiny hands. And I was like, I'll take a picture while you hold my penis. She was like, why? I'm like, shut up. It's for other girls. Jesus. I'm like shut up it's for other girls jesus like for posterity come on this is gonna go down in history oh my god here's three men holding a gargantuan

arowana what an oddly shaped fish this isn't this is a tropical fish like Yeah, it happens in the Amazon. There's a... Oh, I remember this! You ever play Oregon Trail? Oh, yes, I did. Did you ever play Amazon Trail, which was the sequel? No. I played Amazon Trail. I had fun. So on Amazon Trail sucked.

You're on a raft going down the Amazon and mostly you just fish. And get bit by snakes. I think maybe you could get bitten by snakes. But I want to say the arowana was one of the fishes you could catch. Yeah. I don't know if they're good eating.

Maybe it depends on how hungry you are. That's true of everything. Yeah, everything's good if you're hungry. Alright then. I think I could beat up an arowana. I don't think he's got any weapons that I fear. Oh, they have big teeth. But do they?

I'm not even sure about that. I might be off target. The problem with fish in general is the environment, right? Like, can you beat up an arowana on land? Yes, 100 times out of 100. Can you beat up an arowana if you're in a moving river? Ugh, that's a tough one if i'm in a moving river and that one in the lowest picture wants to fuck me up it's gonna get me right i yeah it'll get it would get you it would get like any

yeah we're even the best human what are its weapons terrible it depends what is it gonna do to you you know what what I mean? We have literally fallen into the topic that I just said. I hate that topic. I said at the beginning of this topic, are we really doing this again? Now we're fighting fish. The trifecta is complete.

I'm happy to change the topic. I think Kyle's right. I'm not seeing any nasty teeth here. I was always a little bit afraid. The weapon thing is an argument I've made against herbivores a lot. People are like, Woody, you can't beat a deer. He has hooves and leaf-chewing teeth. He's not a tiger.

I know. We've all seen the video where the buck beats the shit out of that guy, right? We've watched it a half dozen times. It comes at him on its hind legs, and it's whacking him with the front until he topples over, and then it's on him. You know, like I would not pit myself against a full-grown white-tailed buck in the middle of breeding season. I would not want any part of that.

I saw a deer in the wild when I was walking through the trails. He ran like a bitch. I'm taking that as a forfeit. That is... I've killed a lot of them. They're really soft skinned. If you had a blade, you could just cut him apart. They're just so soft.

I didn't expect that. Yeah, actually my skin would rip right up with a blade too. Like pigs? I've lost every conflict with a blade so far. I have a 0% win rate, skin versus blade. Yeah, there was a deer that

was hit by a car in the road and we were in a neighborhood so we didn't want to shoot it with a gun. And they were like, put it out of its misery. Because it was like, it was real fucked up. And so someone handed me a gun. They were like, put it out of its misery because it was real fucked up. Someone handed me a knife. He was one of those guys that keeps their pocket knife razor fucking sharp.

Before he hands it to you, he goes, it's sharp. Catches your eye. No, really. You understand this is a laser knife. This is my hobby. This is what I do. I live for this. And I think I've told the story before,

but quickly I get down and I grab the deer under its chin and raise its neck up real gently. I'm like, let me send you into the good night, little fella. And right about that time, he comes alive and starts kicking and going crazy. So now I've just got him in like a fucking rear naked choke with one hand just cutting his throat with the, with the knife.

I, so it's pretty hardcore. You didn't cut yourself though, did you? No, I did not cut myself, but in retrospect, I probably could just let him go at that point.

I think he had, I think it was just stunned, but I'd are, I was on a mission at that point. So I just cut his, no, you were like, shh.

Literally what happened? And I was like, I'm laying in the gutter, wrestling with this thing, killing it with a knife. Like, shh. Literally what happened. And I was like, I'm laying in the gutter wrestling with this thing, killing it with a knife. And everybody's looking out the truck window down at me like, the fuck? This F.E.S. Russia guy's for real, huh? He wrestles deer. On his own terms.

He had a gun. So you guys, this is a weird little jump but do you guys have like thoughts of really uncomfortable or painful things that could happen sometimes that make you very uncomfortable like thinking about someone eating a booger makes

oh that's not where I was going here's one imagine taking the big toenail clippers right clipping one of your teeth in half oh my Here's one. Imagine taking the big toenail clippers, right? Okay. Clipping one of your teeth in half. Oh, my. This is baffling.

I have it written down here, my thought. Teeth and nail clippers. I have it written down. One mind. One mind. That's the true trifecta. We are all one mind. Illuminati style. that's the true trifecta we are all one mind Illuminati style

what if someone were to torture me they wouldn't have to threaten to cut off a finger I think you're just threatening to toenail clipper my tooth and it's like that sucks I don't want that you're just sitting there all hardcore tied up like go ahead waterboard me

if you dare we're going to clip the tips of your teeth out with nail clippers like oh oh what do you what do you need to know oh that guy yeah he's dead he's a cia spook get rid of him yeah he's one of my patriots so sorry just keep those away yeah oh what a terrible well the password is monkey fucker. And it's password one. And it's Taylor. Would you be less or more susceptible to the tooth thing?

Uh, well, it depends how much they're clipping off, you know, because right. Just off the very right in half. Yeah. They're, they're clipping my fake teeth and my real teeth. Yeah. So it might hurt even worse. But if they just chip the tips, it's it's like well the government will come up with another 15 grand and i had they're barely clipping the tips and i'm just

not the tip the most sensitive part of the tooth I had a skin tag once on my like rib cage and I found it for the, like, I didn't know it was there until I was actually in New York. I'm like, like way away from home in my, in my room in New York. And we were, I don't know, we were doing something. And, uh, and I, I I'm, I'm like shirtless walking through my hotel

room and I feel this thing right here on my ribs. And I'm like, Ooh, that's unsightly. Ah, and that's going to bug me every time I touch it. I was like, Oh no, this has to go. I was like, this has to go right now. And it was pretty big. pretty big it was like it's so hard to describe things that are little quarter inch is probably bigger than it actually was that's a big skin tag I'll tell you this it was big enough to get a pair of toenail clippers on

that's also a big skin tag so I got the toenail clippers on and it hurt so fucking much. And I squeezed them all the way, but they were too dull to cut through it. I had them fully closed and it was still there. So I just went and ripped it off. And I can still remember the pitch that I hit with my scream.

It was... And it bled like a motherfucker. Dogs are barking in the neighborhood. Fucking daredevil like across town. The superhero was like How am I supposed

to stop petty robberies now? I couldn't stop it. It bled through my undershirt that night. It was super bad. Super bad. Yeah, they tell you not to pull pieces of skin off with toenail clippers. Who tells you that? WebMD.

WebMD? No. Yeah, I don't know. There was something about something being on me. It was like, I want this off. I don't want this to be part of me anymore. I think that's a part of our evolution that makes us like, I don't know if there's something on us that doesn't belong or like a splinter or something. I was like, I got my feet weren't my feet were like shuffling and so my foot slid forward over a big splinter and the splinter went into my heel at a very shallow angle like not in but just in enough and then lengthwise and and then it broke off in there so when i looked at my heel i literally had a full

inch and a half of splinter in my heel that you could see through the skin of my heel i hate splinters you couldn't pull it out so i had to cut it out i had to cut my heel where the over where the splinter was and like pull it through the skin crazy question was the cut painful like you can cut a certain amount of skin and it's no pain at all like it was to get hit or it wasn't that bad but it wasn't that bad but like because it's it's your heel as well because it's in a lot of that's callous. Especially back then. I was always running around barefoot and stuff, but still, it was not comfortable. And then it left this flap of heel back there

that slowly dried up and had to be peeled away. It was gross. If you got a heel tattoo, would it not hurt much and would it not last long? Could you get a temporary tattoo made out of real tattoo on your heel? So i know the answer to this i've never not exactly the heel but uh i don't have any tattoos but a friend of mine got like uh he was like 18 he got like a bible verse like around his ankle or something like that and because your ankle's always getting rubbed with your shoe and your sock and everything that was only i guess jesus like 10 years ago now and it's it's gone there's like a couple little patches of like

where you can see a letter but other than that it's it's totally rubbed away when i did that dancing competition the choreographer had tattoos on her palms like or it may be even just like uh what is this part of your finger called is there the inside of your finger i don't know your knuckle your joint i don't know the palm side of your finger let's call it that audio people and uh and i think one should maybe had a ring around it anyway tattoos on this part of your hand go away i guess the skin just kind of regenerates and replenishes or it's sweaty or something and you're rubbing and you're rubbing it a lot and like a that's true same with mouth tattoos people who get like that lower lip tattoo thing that goes away fast seems painful though and very low reward

yeah like if you have a cool badass tattoo you want to be able to you're walking around the beach being like oh i'm just a guy people are looking at my tattoo but that's just because it's so cool tattoos in your mouth the only way someone sees it is if you make a point to be like, hey, look, I got slut put on my lower lip or something. You underestimate how cool I'd be with a paramotor on my palm, probably. I think Boss Rootin' has his cool on it. Oh, what does he have? So you're just into box fans or what?

Dude, it's a butt fan, kind of. You're like using it as a conversation opener. You're like, actually, it's a pair of my... No, don't go. Don't walk away. Don't. Let me talk to you. So Bob Scruton has these like... I don't know know what this is but he's got them on

both oh my god your message is over 2 000 characters all right let me try a better link he's got these like over 2 000 characters i just i clicked the third image in new tab and it it did did some nonsense. There we go. Yeah, he's got like some maybe... Some sort of Chinese or Japanese or Korean. One of those flavors. And the other one, what is that? I can't see the skull. It's also some sort

of symbol. Like I saw another where he's got his left forward and his right back. But he was in pan left forward and his right back. He was in Pancreas and Palm Strikes are the way you fight in there. I wouldn't be surprised if it had something to do with that. He also was in Pride, which is in Japan.

That was where my head went to with that Japanese thing. I don't know where Pancreas was. I want to say he was fighting in Japan as well. What did you say taylor it's called pancreas what a weird name for fighting do i have it right it sounds right to me that's that's how i pronounce it i learned it by reading as a as a good old boy from america it's pancreas to me i love that one fight where he ruptures the

guy's liver with the palm strike well that that guy didn't love that fight fight where he ruptures the guy's liver with the palm strike. Well, that guy didn't love that fight. There was one guy. It might even be the same one. But apparently the guy was being disrespectful in the lead up to the fight and maybe even during the fight. And Boss Rutten directly assessed that he could beat him any way he wanted to. He did this thing where he commentated all his fights afterwards. And he's like, look, I could have knocked him out here. I could have submitted him here.

But the liver shot is the most painful way to lose a fight. So that's what I did. And he just goes after his liver repeatedly, and that's how he takes it. Was it a real muscled up guy with long black hair? I'm sorry, I'm not going to remember that. Oh, okay. I think we're thinking about

the same guy. He dropped him with one liver strike, and the guy gets back up and they continue to fight and he's like and uh this is where i rupture his liver yeah yep his liver has exploded and it's just like he did you know those uh the shows that were really popular on discovery channel maybe five years ago where they would they would test any number of weapons or combat techniques against those ballistics gel dummies and they would have organs and bones inside you get to see like yeah they had boss yeah it was like the ultimate warrior or ultimate fighter or something like oh i know it's like oh we're gonna do what if a viking fought a ninja that's

ultimate warrior yeah i met the guy who produced that show total sleazebag real scummy fucker uh anyway uh that show was pretty i wouldn't make the if he's a russian shoe and i was like i wouldn't let you run a lemonade stand you your fingernails are dirty and you just told me a lie about why you're we're late that involved a shooting nobody believes that so he uh and and he was not the kind of he did not look heroic so but they had boss rooting on one of those shows and he did a palm strike to the liver and they had an actual might have been a calves liver or something inside ballistics jail and he ruptured the fucking liver with the palm strike it was pretty cool that is cool i remember that show and they put on such an air of we're real scientists

solving real problems and we're using data to dig into the past and see who wins the fight and they'd be like one was like today we got spartan warrior versus ninja and like at the time i was like watching this being like this is this is pretty fucking cool this is probably like 12 years ago the show was on and the data, the hard data they would get, they'd be like, all right, so we brought this guy in from fucking Sacramento and he loves ninjas. And he's going to throw a shuriken at a pig bladder hanging over something.

And then they'd like do that. And they'd be like, wow, three out of three hits perfectly demonstrating how dangerous a ninja is with a shuriken. 100% accuracy. Let me put that into the system. All right, now we have this Spartan guy. A clearly autistic man from the deep south.

He loves wearing bronze. Now we're going to let him take his scimitar and smash it into a pig that has a helmet on it. And see what kind of damage it does. And they'd be like, oh, we can see right here. That pig is, that pig's fucked, dude. Let's enter it in here. Let's enter in the data. And then at the end of the episode,

they'd be like, all right, now it's time to boot up our algorithm and use computers to see what would happen. And it would be like a guy wearing a fucking month open a year halloween store outfit of a ninja and then another guy wearing clearly plastic armor as a 300 guy with his abs painted on and it'd be like they're commentating all serious back in the control room yep the control room yeah all right so the spartan is walking through the forest in southern Japan, and the ninja, because of his stats, hits the first jump,

and it shows an overweight man leap out from behind a tree that he was visible behind and shuriken the guy and then run at an average man's speed away. And it's like, a little bit of damage done to the Spartan, and it's like, oh, how's the Spartan going to deal with this? Well, thankfully, his stat of being raped by the older Spartans makes him impervious to harm and fear. And so he jabs and, oh, but the speed of the ninja. And it was beyond retarded.

It was still upsetting, too, because I think the ninja won that fight and I was sitting there at home like, bullshit. Yes. Absolute bullshit. At the time that show was on, I was training. So I had what I thought was expertise, but what might have actually been bias. And I was like, no, no. Like, clearly the Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner beats all of these people.

Move over, Trojan. move over trojan the best things they did is they'd be like all right we got a we got a roman legionnaire versus uh uh fucking i don't know russian uh cossack that's what it is and like every once in a while it would happen where one guy comes in for one team like the russian guy comes in and he is just a mountain of a man who clearly knows what he's doing. And then the Roman Legionnaire guy comes in and he's like, I just, I really like how they,

uh, utilize a Republic and parlayed it into a very successful empire. Oh, I have to, I have to shoot the bow. Oh, oh, oh.

And like those ones are the best. There's a YouTube channel that does these things you're describing correctly. Like, like I have to know that channel. I can look it up later, but they put on actual fights where they try to determine which medieval weapons are better in a 1v1 scenario. The spear. The spear is what's best. Especially if it's a spear and a shield. Because he's able to really parry away any sort of sword play and

The axe is too slow to deal with him and he gets in these thrusts that are just lethal now Obviously they're using like foam tipped spears and stuff and and like the swords are less than lethal as well like Like like hit like hard rubber Like it's not flopping But it's also not slicing anybody's arms off and they go at it hard like they go at it as hard as that medieval combat shit we watched where the guy got knocked unconscious and there's a point system and a judge and they you know these two guys that are going at it like there are people who so there are those people who frolic in the park dressed as

knights and and and yell like, Thunderstrike, Thunderstrike. Sure. This isn't them. This isn't them. Okay. This is some people who are actually. Thunderbolt.

Yeah. This isn't those guys. These guys are actually interested in legitimate like sword combat and that sort of thing and medieval stuff. I think he also does a lot of like tests with spears and bows to see like how fast how many how fast can you throw these spears if you're just grabbing them and throwing them and how accurate and stuff like that but i want to say the spear especially the spear combined with the shield beat everything because you couldn't get in with a sword you couldn't get anywhere near the guy with a sword so i have no expertise that won't stop me i have this idea there's a sweet spot for

the length of this thing right like sometimes i exaggerate to make a point so if my spear was 16 feet long and your sword was three i think you beat me you'd find it easy to parry that thing and then get away to get on the inside and you can even like right capture it meanwhile i'm trying to deal with the heavy unwieldy pole like that that's a problem so like i just guess just choke up on it 16 feet is pretty long you have eight feet you're right all right all right true but uh i you know maybe an eight foot spear is the sweet spot not the three foot sword like i thought but that's what i thought i thought thought the sword, you'd somehow be able to get inside of the tip

and then the spear sucks and all you have is a shield. So I wish we could watch the video, but just for everybody's, I'll link it here just so you guys can maybe come back to it later and I'll mention the maker of the, or the creator, you know, the channel. The channel's called Lindy Beige.

Lindy Beige is spelled L-I-N-D-Y-B-E-I-G-E. What I searched to find it, again, was Spear vs. Sword. They're in fencing gear with legitimate fencing equipment.

They're going at it hard. They seem to know what they're doing so it's it's pretty cool to watch because uh you know i don't know how many medieval combat type shows i'm watching kingdom of uh last kingdom right now you know and they're constantly fighting you know c axes versus long swords and i'm just like really like wouldn't the long sword win every fucking time it's an actual weapon i always thought hammers and axes were just makeshift weapons right like well they're attacking my town and i'm a lumberjack so i it's like if nowadays there were similar fights people would

be gall driving like putting irons or that's not a thing a putting wedge what the fuck i don't golf called a putter a putter thank you Taylor. People wouldn't grab a golf club because literally suburban white guys defend their homes with golf clubs. That's just hammers and axes from the old days. They're not weapons. Well, the sea axe was a specific kind of axe. It wasn't like a chopping wood axe. I assumed it was for chopping sea creatures,

and it was just for fishing. For severing tentacles that try and invade. From what I've read, it was like the primary weapon of those Viking berserker type guys coming down from Scandinavia. But in any case, you know, like, I think the whole point is that, like, you don't have to be all that skilled to just hack somebody up with an axe,

and this is good for hacking, whereas those swords and stuff look, not only are they really expensive to make, especially back then, but difficult to wield. But yeah, this channel's cool. It's cool to see people actually going at it with those weapons. Because normally

you see sword versus sword, like medieval times nonsense, where they're clanging their swords against each other continuously. That would ruin a fucking sword. I tried to chop a chicken's leg off one day with my 190 fucking knife it it what we'll never know what happened to the chicken leg i think the chicken leg was fine and the knife was bad based on my you know intuition of where the story is going 90 knife can't cut through a chicken

leg? $190 is an expensive knife, but not crazy. Really? Yeah. I would consider $400 a premium knife. Oh, we got one word out of him. There we go. You're back. Yeah, you're back. What happened to the chicken

leg with the $190 knife? I would have chopped the chicken leg off and fucked the knife i fucked the knife up it it uh i can't think of the word it but it nicked the blade it's chink to the blade kyle it's like a chink in your armor is that the right word or is it something else i think it literally is yeah like a chink in an armor is like the the area like under the neck and underneath is that what a chink in the armor is the area under the neck and underneath you. Is that what a chink in the armor is? I always thought a chink in the armor was the damaged spot, like a ding.

It's the weak spot. When Legolas is saying in Elvish when he's doing Helm's Deep, he's like, their armor's weak at the neck and underneath the arm, so all the elves are shooting for... I thought that was what a chink in the armor is. It's where you can sneak an arrow or a sword in. That's only good advice for armor elves. I would think that a chink in the armor is. It's where you can sneak an arrow or a sword in. I would think that

a chink in the armor would go back to chain mail, and it's actually chinked up in a way that makes it weak. That's sort of where my mind goes. It's definitely a weak point. Especially speaking more broadly, the chink

in this fighter's armor was his uh his takedown defense you know you guys are right uh it is an area of armor's vulnerability so all this time i thought it was a previously damaged spot like if i hit you with a sword i created the chink in your armor that's not what it's notched that's what it's called it's called notching the blade yeah when you when you damage a blade. I knew it was something like that. Yeah, but I notched my fucking fancy ass Wusthof knife. I was very upset.

Oh, the Germans make great knives. I switched to a Japanese knife immediately. Germans and Japanese, there was something about being on the losing side of World War II that they poured a lot of knife investment in. We're going to give the best knives in the world. I got a knife sharpening kit

that comes with four different whetstones. You start out at 400 grit and you go all the way up to 8,000 grit. By the time I'm at 8,000 and I'm polishing this fucking knife, it's got a guide that clamps onto the back of the knife.

You're at the perfect angle continuously always and then when you're done with that it's got a a stropping leather which is that thing you see barbers use in the old movies where they're stropped and what that does is like the edge of the blade becomes like like this like all these fibers of of steel that are like sort of going everywhere and the stropping brings them all in and like bends them all into the same direction and there's like a diamond paste on the leather too right like of some sort no no i mean maybe that maybe that's a feature of others how do you drop it you just rub the smack the leather i i have the leather like threaded through a handle in my kitchen and

so i pull one in taut and then I run it along it, the blade away from the cutting edge. I pull backwards with the sharp end facing away if that's translating. Does it make a cool sound, like a satisfying I'm about to go into battle, Lord of the Rings-y

sound? No, nothing like that. That's a sound effect that wouldn't have even happened in real life in any sort of like when they draw a sword out and it goes like that's bullshit. You're pulling a sword out of either bamboo or leather. That is a bit of movies I'm fine for them to keep. I like

the shank. My knife is so sharp though. It's incredible. I can take a piece of paper and just it just flows through it. It just flows through it. It's sick. So I used to do a lot of woodworking and I participated in these online communities and woodworkers are always sharpening chisels

and plane blades. And so that's where, and knives are a similar type thing. So, but like there's effective sharpening where it works well on wood. And then there's online sharpening where I take pictures of my polished edges and show them to the other woodworkers and say look how long my e-penis is

the the the point on my chisels the last like eighth of an inch three quarter of an inch or whatever um is uh like it to just it would you could do your hair in it. It would be so perfect. Yeah. I was into that for a while. I sharpened a bunch of different ways. Sandpaper on glass, oil stones, wet stones, diamond stones. I had a Tormek with a stropping wheel with a leather that you put a paste on. There's a bunch of ways to do it.

I tried them all looking for the best. And really, wet stones are my favorite. Yeah. I don't have all that experience you have, but like I did a lot of research and I, I got like a $60 whetstone kit off of Amazon and I love it. Like, like it's got a rubber base that the blocks lock into, so they stay really stable. And I've, I've almost cut myself so many times, but so far I've only nicked myself a little bit once, but cause the thing is like my pro the reason I want a sharp knife is I've been eating a salmon and, uh,

the way Gordon Ramsey prepares salmon is he, he, he cuts the skin, these slits in the skin. And if you use a dull ish knife, it's just, it just rubs the scales and the scale start like flopping off. Like you're almost scaling the fish now,

but with a sharp blade, it's just like, and it makes these nice slits in the skin side and then you can put seasoning in those slits and cook it skin side down it's just really nice say sharp knives are safer right like that yeah because you're using less force so yeah dull knife you might push hard on it and have like starts and stops and an unpredictable behavior but a lightsaber like knife he just does what you ask it to i think it's a wood i think it's a double-edged blade uh in that regard not to not to make a pun but i've never hurt myself with a dull knife because i i i if it stops cutting i have time to readjust my hand and my grip.

Use that stupid grip like this. The Gordon Ramsay thing? Like every chef, this little claw thing where the worst thing you can do is shave the back of your fingers or the back of your nails more likely. But with the sharp knife... Take a finger off probably. I've tapped my finger and I look i look at it i'm like oh i'm good i'm good and then i look back and it's bleeding like it's so sharp that it's like oh i'm fine oh wait no it's like in the movies where the guy gets his head cut off

and he's like oh he's like ha you missed and then he like falls apart i don't know so so yeah it's a lot easier to use a sharp knife. I'll say that. When I'm cutting bell peppers, it's just like chop, chop, chop, chop, and the bell pepper's apart. It's very satisfying. If I get into knives, I'm going to be one of those fat guys that goes to empty warehouses for competitions in front of embarrassed girlfriends and wives,

and I just smack into ropes, and I throw it at mountain dudes. Description. It's just like these guys are just saying, I love it because I was looking up knives on Reddit because I knew there was going to be some community on Reddit where people

are way too into knives called Knife Club and there's a guy in an orange shirt and a big black beard just walking around dominating this course and the only people in attendance are like politely sitting girlfriends and wives oh yeah well i told them to get a hobby and here i am i didn't realize it would be expensive and stupid they're all like my poor wife when i learned to

play ice hockey that's a lot less shameful you're going to play a sport with other men other boys shameful either this is pretty cool everybody else is pretty cool but it's easy to make fun of but i guarantee they give you a dry like if you show up to one of these places and they're like yeah take a dry run with my cool ass blade you'll get like into it like no no i can i can do it faster which one more time please it seems really cool and oh the kinds of things they chop is very interesting to me, right? So I know from my little woodworking thing, I can make a blade really, really sharp that will look amazing against paper. But it's not durable enough. You chop a log a couple of times and try to take a wedge out of it. And the point is so veed, almost like a line, that it gets dull quickly. I could make a different one that's wider,

like an axe, that's not going to lose its edges quickly. And those competitions, they're cutting rope. Rope that's hanging. Not against the ground. They're cutting hanging rope. They're cutting wood.

They're cutting metal, maybe. They're cutting tennis balls where there's a little chute on either side and the guy just stands there like that's the impressive part and then a ping pong ball rolls through next and i couldn't tell but i think he had the ping pong ball i i saw a guy on reddit say i make video i sharpen knives for uh like a profitable hobby whatever you call that and uh and he has he takes a piece of paper he stands it up and he cuts standing paper and that's impressive it's very very sharp but also based on my knowledge of knives you cut wood with that thing and it dulls quickly yeah those are chef's knives uh that guy makes these these uh these damascus steel chef's knives i went to his website um everything was sold out

i was like reddit beat me to the punch. Guess I'm not getting one of these. That's the chef's knife I have now, and I love it. It's actually, I didn't know it. The Amazon link? Yeah, I recognized it the other day in one of Binging with Babish's videos. So it's the knife that he uses as well

for whatever that is. That's a nice expensive knife. I like it. It'll last your whole life. I would hope so. I got my wife a knife in this class and she says it's not a good christmas present but well i think she's see she just wants worthless shit she wants jewelry she just wants jewelry and i try to explain her that jewelry is stupid but she's a slow learner. And she thinks the jewelry is cool

and she just wants something shiny. And I get her something useful year after year and she won't learn. I don't know what's wrong with her. What the hell, Jackie? The Wusthof knife is the most recent link. That's the one that I notched really badly and now I hate to even pull it out of the drawer

and look at it because it upsets me. I need to find a professional knife fixer who can that I notched really badly. And now I hate to even pull it out of the drawer and look at it because it upsets me. I need to find like a professional knife fixer who can fix a notched blade because I've just, it's upsetting. Yeah. That's a pricey knife to Nick or what was, what, what was the, I was notched. I believe I are not. Yeah. I, I, I was, I think it was a Turkey. I think it was a Turkey that I had fried for Thanksgiving and, uh,

and I just sort of pulled the leg to the side and went, no, I was cutting the, I think I was cutting the legs or the wings off of a turkey before I deep fried it. Anyway, it fucked the blade. The one that you not just literally,

when I said I got one for Jackie in that class, it's this one. It's the Gustav knife. Yeah. It's the same one. Yeah. See, she should like that knife.

It's not like you got her a tactical pocket knife. Like that's a really good, excellent knife. I did so much research. I's the same one, yeah. See, she should like that knife. It's not like you got her a tactical pocket knife. That's a really good excellent knife. I did so much research. I love the handle, the grip. It's great. I put it in the dishwasher even though they tell you not to. I've washed it 30 times the dishwasher. Nothing bad happened. Why would they tell you not to? I don't know. It probably damages the handle

to some extent, but if the handle ever goes bad, I'll just have somebody put a cool custom handle on it. I just made this up. I could be wrong, but I think that it has to do with banging around. You don't want that knife to be against the forks and butter knives and stuff hitting the board. I put it in this special little plastic cage thing my dishwasher has.

It doesn't get dulled or do anything. No, don't fuck with ceramic knives. I don't have any. I just don't. I didn't know. Yeah, it's one of those buy nice or buy twice things with most cookware. I was thinking about if it's pots and pans, I get cast iron for everything because stainless steel is too expensive. Copper is a gimmick, and nonstick is not only going to make your children's penis small.

Look it up. But they scratch up and get ruined. That's a trap. I'm not fact-checking it. That's true. Kyle's right. Cast iron is the way to ruined. That's a trap. I'm not fact-checking it. That's true. Kyle's right. Cast iron is the way to go. It is, yeah. More because of the flavor.

If you ever need to defend yourself in a home invasion scenario, and the government has taken away every one of your weapons, a cast iron pan may be what it comes down to. Have you ever, like, I have a cast iron pan, obviously, just like a boilerplate regular one and i've thought before like when i'm picking it up to use it or something i'll like kind of flip it up this way and just kind of feel it a little bit for the weight imagining i'm like a disgruntled you know looney tunes mom about to hit her husband and it's like that is an unwieldy

thing that that would be really hard to swing and hit somebody whenever i look at weapons and i judge them for their effectiveness, I think what would happen if I was holding one side and maybe one of you guys was holding the other side? If I have a baseball bat, I think I have a slight advantage because I've got the holdy part with the knob on the end. For sure. But it's kind of close.

If it's a cast iron pan, I feel like the enemy has the advantage. He's got the round part and you've got the handle. Educate me. It sounds like you've got to think. Well, I've got these gloves that protect me up to 1,100 degrees Fahrenheit. So what I do is I heat that pan up. It's scorching hot. Hold on, Home Invader.

I've got a plan. You're not going to like it. And then I grab that fucker and I give him a little weak swing. I dare him to grab it. Now he's all burnt up. It's just red hot. Give me 20 minutes. In there with the settling torch on the top, trying to hurry it up.

Yeah, so there's a bunch of ways. Golf club is an example. I feel like if I had the handle part of the golf club and Taylor had the business end of the golf club, I think he disarmed me. Right? That was a little different. I feel like if you stepped in close

and blocked a golf club the way they block stuff in movies, one of these, it'll break right across your arm. If they hit you with the head of the club, it's going to break your fucking arm. But if you were able to step in close maybe and block it like i said like the movie guys do i think it'll break right on your arm oh that that might even be worse he comes in you throw up a might fold and break on your arm and the business end still smacks you right in the noggin you know they'll hit you but the energy would be dissipated that's why i put it that that whole who can win it is why i put a bayonet on all of

my guns even the pistols i keep bayonets in every room of the house none your friend thinks that weird and strange laughing you know when the galls show up and i have to to batter the back did we talk about anthony smith's home invasion no we never did oh that guy was like a d1 wrestler right that invaded his home yes yeah university of nebraska he wasn't a current d1 wrestler but i imagine him in his 20s right like he's i mean if you were you still are as far as i'm concerned none of us it's like it's like riding a bike he still knows dude i i rolled with the d1 wrestlers because there's a couple d1 uh colleges where i trained brazilian jiu-jitsu it's like oh oh yeah you're you're something different aren't you yeah like every role starts with them putting me on my back um like i know what's coming you know what's coming

and i'm thankful he's not gay because there's not a goddamn thing i could do about it it's yeah so this guy home invaded fucking uh anthony smith who's a legit martial artist in the ufc high-ranked guy and uh pretty well against john jones in his 205 pound title fight he lost but uh yeah um he i think he went the distance and you know so this guy is one of the top five baddest guys on earth ish something like that top 10 and uh the home invader really gave him a go and he tells the story super well not not seroney scuba diving well but really well and uh he gave that guy a lot of credit for being tough he was having a hard time holding him down at one point his wife got him a knife this is the fighter

and uh like i guess the the my takeaway was you don't want a knife unless you intend to use the knife otherwise now you're a one-handed guy you know because he once he was he was subduing him he was holding him down he was giving him the business, hitting him, etc. But struggling with the guy. And his wife gets him a knife, and now he's having a much harder time holding him down because he has a hand that's effectively out of the fight. He, at one point, his wife went to help, right? And he's like, my wife has a lot of good qualities, but let's leave the fighting to me. I hope this doesn't mean something that we're not aware of. Knowing our luck, they're going to be like,

oh, and they're showing the national symbol of pedophiles. It's the proud boy salute. At one point in the fight, he's hitting him. He's fighting him. And his wife goes and he holds the attacker's legs together. He's like, don't you fucking kick my wife. And the home invader goes, okay. And he just accepted those terms.

And he's like, and he didn't. He honored his word for all that guy's flaws. He didn't kick my wife. But he continued to upper body fight with our hero the whole time. He's punching and wrestling and trying to squirm free. But his feet were not in the fight anymore. He just agreed. You know, that's an honorable way to be in jail.

Yeah, they had beers. They train together now. No, that's true. He's in prison. I'm sure he's now. The guy made a good... He's in prison. I'm sure he's in prison. He made a good decision, though, too. I feel like the way that Anthony Smith described his wife, I think his mother-in-law lived with them

and helped out with the family and stuff, and he had kids there. My takeaway was that Anthony Smith was willing to get into a fight, but if you had touched his wife, kids, or his mother-in-law, who he feels very highly about, that he would have gone berserker mode, and he would have really punished the guy.

Or he might have just stabbed the guy. Could have, yeah. No, the guy made a smart call not to kick his wife. Yeah, I'd hate to get fucking stabbed. I would take a beating every day of the week over a stabbing have you i'm sure you have we've all seen a guy like knife fight victims yeah dude everybody loses a knife fight even if you win a knife fight you have lost it they they gut you or maybe you block it with your form a couple of times oh yeah they ain't like in the movies your fucking flesh fall lays over you've got a scar

so if you survive you could easily bleed out that's the other thing like in the movies like ah mel gibson's fine in real life like you get a nick and you just fucking bleed out right there you lose if you win a fight and have anything more than like some bruising it feels like you lost two right you know bruising we could all deal with we all know that kind of comes back just like it was before but if you've got big knife wounds and stuff like that everybody lost yeah what was that like clip you like maybe some instructional or safety video where it's some like expert at disarming someone and he gives someone who's not trained with a knife a sharpie and the guy's wearing like white pants and a white shirt not the sharpie guy the other guy you're thinking of the wings of redemption kelly knife sharpie demonstration

most yeah that was wings of redemption uh professional um self-defense uh trainer did he do that he really did that they have they had a fight in their yard him and another fella who was kind of heavy set uh both wearing white tees and both holding sharpies. Oh my god. How did I not know this? It's pretty glorious. I know there's a real video of a knife instructor, self-defense guy who's like, no matter what

fucking happens, you're gonna get nicked. I know exactly what I'm doing. This guy doesn't know shit. Look, I got lines all over me because all he has to do is just, whoo, whoo. Yeah, yeah. It's like you're going to get fucked.

You don't want to have a knife fight with any fucking body. People overestimate their own abilities. And you can almost prove that by putting yourself on both sides. Could I disarm a guy with a knife? Hell yeah. I'd take my shirt off

and wrap it into some sort of knife-catching device and grab the knife with the hand. No, you wouldn't. And then on the other side, like, if I attacked you, could you at least draw a line on me with the sharpie? Oh, of course I could. Yeah, you don't get to be on both sides of that. Well, it's like that same instructor, I think, was like, here's the correct

way to deal with a knife attack. And he's like in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon stance. And then as soon as they start, he just turns around and boom! And it's like, yeah, if somebody takes out a knife, run a knife run fucking run yeah you don't want to fight him i wouldn't make it away i'm not fast enough hopefully i have a fatter assailant throws the knife

we're not built for speed there's a wusthof sticking out of my upper back dying in the middle of the st louis road people are still walking by. Guys like... Fuck. Who's the Saturday Night Live funny guy who was a cheerleader in Elf?

Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell in Elf, yeah. That'd be the worst guy to get into a knife fight with. Oh, yeah, because he's fast? Because he throws snowballs. You didn't see that scene? That scene is amazing. One kid gets away, fires off like a paintball gun,

and then one guy gets away. Dude, that scene brings tears to my eyes. The kid is like getting bullied, and he's like, oh no, there's nine of them. And Will Ferrell is like, you know, I think we could take them. He's throwing snowballs in ropes. There's one behind the other. He's throwing them so fucking fast. Yeah, that's a great scene.

That's a great movie overall. I only watch it every couple of years, but it makes me laugh really hard every single time. It's great. It's a high quality, late made, relatively Christmas tradition movie, I think. What's your favorite Christmas movie the most nostalgic one is

A Christmas Story because that's on constantly and I remember being at my grandparents house and that would be just on and so I associate that with Christmas like everybody else it's right here it's a bad movie oh fudge but I didn't say

fudge I remember at the time watching that and be like oh this bitch is in trouble man if i said that i would you know i think christmas vacation is my favorite uh christmas movie with uh with uh chevy chase i think i think that's my favorite christmas movie ever we hit like christmas vacation it's not just because we said him an elf and a christmas story with Chevy Chase. I think that's my favorite Christmas movie ever. We hit my Christmas vacation. It's not just because we said it, but Elf and A Christmas Story are my favorite too. I wasn't thinking Christmas Vacation.

Like Christmas Vacation is good, but you don't rank it above regular, like the original one, right? Or do you? Oh, I do. I think it's better than National Lampoon's Vacation where they go to Wally World. Yeah, I do. What was the really shitty than National Lampoon's Vacation where they go to Wally World. Yeah, I do.

What was the really shitty one? They go to Vegas? The Vegas one is the third best. The worst one is European Vacation. There are titties in European Vacation. Dad, I think he's got a porker. Oh, we don't say... Yeah, he's got a porker. Yes.

Yeah, I haven't seen European Vacation in so long. The fact that I don't remember is probably evidence that you're correct. Yeah, I didn't mind Vegas Vacation in so long. The fact that I don't remember is probably evidence that you're correct. Yeah, I didn't mind Vegas Vacation because it's got the whole cast. And everybody comes back. But Christmas Vacation is my favorite. Oh, shit. Ice Cream Man. There's an Ice Cream Man outside your house?

Can you hear it? It's like 7 p.m., dude. Why is there an Ice cream man in your... I don't know. It's 7.15 at night, but I can hear the ice cream man. He just passed. There's no chance now. When we first moved here, the ice cream man could be heard but not seen.

And one day, me and maybe Hope got on the golf cart on a mission to find that goddamn ice cream man. We're driving all over. I don't know, upwards of 11 miles per hour, perhaps, looking for the ice cream man. And we did not succeed. But it was fun to try. You don't see it? You're talking to fellow neighbors, and they're like, you heard the song? They call him Sweet Cream Sam.

He was a serial rapist here. Sam. He was a serial rapist here in the neighborhood for years. And now they say on hot summer afternoons you can hear him driving around playing his song. His siren song of little boys and girls luring them in.

We need to catch him someday. That would be a really, really funny movie about the ghost of an ice cream man who was a child murderer or rapist. Well, I guess funny isn't the right word. Good job. You could turn it into a comedy. Sort of a black

comedy of sorts. Yeah, I love Christmas Vacation. Grew up watching that shit. I watch it every year at Christmas. Home Alone, obviously, is a really great Christmas movie, I think. I loved that shit as a kid. And Die Hard.

I don't think it counts. Well, there are a lot of people who would agree with you, but I'm not one of them. Die Hard is a Christmas movie. There are a lot of people who disagree. It's been called a Christmas movie lately. And this is a Brooklyn Nine-Nine funny sitcom.

They have a debate about it you know what's not a fucking funny sitcom that like i was pumped to see because it's got a whole reddit community and they're always memeing it that's what you're about community is bullshit community isn't a cop isn't funny it's sarcastic and there's a difference like there's no setup to the jokes it's just like it's just like haha here's a weird thing aha sarcasm oh this guy's kooky there's no setup there's no joke it's just assholes talking to each other in weird ways i watched a whole fucking season hating every episode along the way because i wanted to give because I wanted to give it a chance because I know it's so beloved by so

many people. Look, SpongeBob SquarePants kills this show. It's so much better than Community, and I hate SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob is a fantastic show. It's hilarious, and I bet if I were to go back and watch the early seasons that I watched as a kid, it would hold up. There were so many funny moments in SpongeBob. I've explained why I have an aversion to Spongebob and it has nothing to do with the quality of the show. But Community is a garbage fucking show. And I love Chevy Chase.

And I kind of like Joel McHale. Is he the handsome guy like the star of the show? Well, he plays a character who's handsome, yes. I know what he looks like bit miscast really yeah he's like well i look like this so blah blah he's like he's like so full of himself and like everybody acts like he's extremely handsome and he is a good looking guy don't get me wrong but

they're acting like he's john stamos or something. You're kind of right. They treat him like John Stamos and he's definitely more of Dave Coulier. He's a bit more on the Coulier side of the spectrum. Yeah, he's more on the Coulier side of the spectrum than the Stamos side. Dude, I totally just bought

into the casting. No, he's a good looking guy. In some of these later pictures, he's looking better. But like... He's a 9 looking guy. In some of these later pictures, he's looking better. He's a nine that they cast as a ten. He has a great... I don't know if he's a nine. He's got a great physique. I'll say that. There's an episode where he's shirtless. Very nice physique.

I don't know. I just think he's cast as a really hot guy. They keep referring to him that way and he leans on his looks to like get him out of situations and then another thing that's weirdly cast and this is kind of common with hollywood and and television it doesn't matter where it's made there's a girl in the show who's like even mentions how unpopular she was in high school and how she couldn't get a date and she's smoking hot right i hate that trope she's like a solid eight and in like like but she's just like wearing she's

wearing glasses with a bad haircut and i'm just like what am i retarded i can't see through glasses and a bad haircut like like fucking pull that back in a ponytail and take those off and you're and you're literally like some sort of a model but it's not in our classes too much she's not wearing good glasses okay uh yeah they do that they used to see that with guys a lot too not so much lately but like the movies they made when i was a kid in the 80s and 90s uh look at superman there'd be some unpopular guy who hires a girl to date him and make him look better. Like, if I could just get into this circle and elevate myself to be on your level, then people would look at me differently.

So she, what, cuts his hair, takes off his glasses, and what do you know? Under there, there's a V-shaped body with six-pack abs and belt-out delts and, like, really? Yeah, all those movies make me think is like man I'm uglier than the starting

guy man god I'm peaking here and Jesus that guy they cast me on the show and they're like that's Taylor the skinny guy coming after me because I'm so lithe and thin and because I don't have love

i i don't but but yeah i community has this huge like reddit community i see it memed a lot and like people seem to really like it i watched a lot of that shit and i cannot get over how unfunny it is i didn't chuckle i didn't smirk like I didn't smirk. I liked it more than you. I liked it more than you. I thought that the first season wasn't the best one, but seasons 2, 3 are maybe where it peaks, and there's this long slow decline.

How many years has it been on? Six-ish, maybe? It's off now. I think they're coming back for a movie. Dude, when shows stop and they come back with a movie, always good. Sopranos movie comes out next year, by the way.

Wait, James Gavolfini's dead. His son is going to play him. It is a prequel. It's called... Shit, what's it called? It's got a cool title. Prepranos. No, it's like uh something of the street legends of i don't know it doesn't matter but uh the sopranos prequel uh i believe

got pushed back to next year uh james gandolfini's son looks a good bit like him like not identical are all the actors replaced i would imagine so because it's been so long and they can't pull off a prequel right you know they don't look 25 years younger at this point and it's it's supposed to be around the time where christopher uh moltisanti's father is around dick dicky moltisanti so he was dead when sprinters began. They talk about, oh yeah, when Dickie was around, blah, blah, blah. He was like Tony's mentor. So I think it'll be Tony and Dickie, and I'm sure there'll be a Carmella.

Maybe he's just now meeting her. But all the guys that he goes way back with, somebody's going to be Paulie. So yeah, I'm into that. I'll watch it. I think David Chase may be making it. Curious enough to watch it. I think David Chase may be making it. Hell, even I'm curious enough to watch it.

You know, I want to know. That's a thing shows get me with. Like Walking Dead. I've invested, what, eight years of Walking Dead watching at this point? It's 16 episodes a year. That show's kind of lost me in a lot of ways. But a part of me is like, I guess I want to know what the boys are up to now. How's Maggie? It's called The Many Saints of Newark. That's

going to be the name of the movie. The Many? M-A-N-Y? The Many Saints of Newark. M-A-N-Y, yeah. Oh, okay, okay. Not the miniature saints. They're all cast as little people. Hey! I'm David Gandolfini! I like that idea better.

I want to see the mini-Sopranos. I don't think you know what kind of family you're messing with here. You mess with the Lollipop Guild, you're going to get it. Yeah, I'm down to see that. Right now, I'm on season seven of the sopranos i started re-watching it maybe a week or two ago and i'm just blazed through the whole fucking thing

i'm getting toward the part where it's starting to get sad you know but that's seven not not that the show is in decline because i think seven seems quite strong it's just that like ah things are falling apart here this is about to get rough what's happening uh right now um tony has sort of sided with his brother-in-law bobby baccala baccalaureate uh and uh he's sort of made him his second in command the guy he wants to filter everything through uh and taking christopher out of that position and christopher's getting shit on a lot because you know he's finally got a sobriety under control.

But the way he's accomplished that is really removing himself from the group dynamic. So he's not hanging out at the bottom being strip club. He's not hanging out at the Satrieli's pork store with that big case of beer in there. And it's really like rubbing everybody against him in a way because he's kind of not part of the crew anymore, not part of the social dynamic anymore. And meanwhile, in New York, Phil Leotardo

has, it was just the anniversary of his brother who was killed by Tony's cousin, Tony, Uncle Al. And he's just, he's sitting there like saying to us, he's like, we've been pushed around since the moment we came to Ellis Island and they,

and they took our name Leonardo away and called us Leotardo. As soon as we got here, they took our name. No more. We pushed around. He's just like plotting to like be shitty to Tony and eventually kill Tony. If he can. I don't know.

It's getting to the part where it's like, ah, Tony's peaked. We're kind of heading down. He's got maybe one or two more fun episodes in him and then it's kind of danger close mode. Yeah, but danger close mode, the intensity's high and I like it. It is.

It's good. And characters start just getting fucking murdered left and right. The episode where he runs from the FBI maybe through the snow for a little bit. Yeah. I like that one. Yeah. Season five, probably the finale of season five, I think. It's weird to me, though.

It's like if he can just get back home, he's safe now. They didn't know he was there. They didn't see him. And he wasn't doing anything. He hadn't committed a crime, and he wasn't part of the warrant. He was just at Johnny Sack's house. But I love that when he's just like

trudging through the wilderness, like his fancy suit's getting more and more torn apart. His slippery dress shoes on in the snow. Yeah, he's got those shoes Chiz had on in our survival trip. He's slipping on the rocks. They're all soaked in water. He literally walks all the way home

through the wilderness. Yeah, that's a good episode and that's a good scene. My favorite episode is called The Pine Barrens and it's where Christopher and Pauly end up like antagonizing this Russian who was in the special

forces beating him half to death throwing him in the trunk of the car and then driving him off to the Pine Barrens which is like south South New Jersey where it's all wooded areas they're gonna bury him out in those woods well they open the trunk and he's still fucking alive so Pauly's like eh no big deal we'll just march him at gunpoint out here They're going to bury him out in those woods. Well, they open the truck and he's still fucking alive.

So Pauly's like, eh, no big deal. We'll just march him at gunpoint out here and make him dig his own grave. Well, again, he was in the special forces. So he dings Christopher in the head with a shovel and makes a run for it. And Pauly shoots him in the head. Well, he just takes a head shot and then vanishes. I can do that in Tarkov sometimes. That's my favorite episode because Christopher and Polly end up, these city mobster types lost in the woods in a snowy winter New Jersey night.

Shivering and crying. And Polly's got like Tic Tacs that he's eating and not sharing. And Christopher finds some ketchup packets. And he's like, what you got, ketchup packets? Are they clean? Because Pauly's a germ freak. It's hilarious. Does the car not start for some reason? They find a van to hide out in

in the woods and they sort of rip the carpets up and huddle in there. When they get back to their car, it's been stolen. That never comes back around that's one of the real fucking threads that's left dangling and you never get to like i wish at the end that had been part of the story i've talked about it before how i would have preferred sopranos to end where because all of tony's money that he's hidden is through a russian guy and it's hidden overseas like i don't like that to be part of the show because he's got is through a Russian guy and it's hidden overseas.

I'd have liked that to be part of the show because he's got millions of dollars stashed overseas in the islands or something that he filtered through a Russian bank through the guy that these guys murdered's best friend. And they never found a body and the car was missing. So it's sort of suggested that maybe this guy looped around, got in the car and disappeared. You don't know what happened. Yeah. I do wish, I hate it when shows have unaccounted for threads like that.

But in this one, maybe it's kind of interesting. Yeah, it is interesting. And that is my favorite episode despite the loose thread. There's one scene in there where Chris shoots the gun poorly that i it ruined the whole eight years for me or what i think it's a year it they're guns gunsmanship gung fu i don't know what to call it but he shoots the gun and he kind of pushes it forward with every shot like papal papal papal this actor has never shot a real gun now i understand that mafia guys are not supposed to be special forces guys, but I do expect them to fire a gun before.

I do expect them to be able to shoot a person. They do shoot people. I know, maybe usually up close or people who aren't even moving execution style, but look, 10 minutes of practice will have him better at handling guns than that. He was, he was worse than someone who's never fired a gun before. Yeah. And that it's weird firing those blanks though,

especially the blanks they're using cause they don't even cycle the weapon. So I don't know that, that might look bad, but this might look worse, you know, just their hands fully, you know, I don't know.

I feel like I could fake it. Right. Maybe make them special. I don't know. You legitimately are with regards to guns. You've got your top 1% in gun experience. I suppose. But yeah.

What bothers me the most about Sopranos that dates it is the fights and the sound effects they use for punches really irk me. It's these stock sound files of like, I don't know, it sounds like somebody's just slapping a steak or something. I don't know. It doesn't sound good.

It doesn't seem real. I wish they'd worked on the fight choreography more. It's so much about story, but if you're going to have a gunfight or a fistfight, I'd like to not be taken out of the story by that, not looking real. I have an April Ask Me Anything question.

Yes, yes. Someone who chipped in $10 to the Patreon. Thank you for that. Do you personally know anyone with COVID? No. Yeah. Me neither. Taylor, we're doing an AMA question.

Do you personally know anyone with COVID? Anyone? Do you know anyone who has it? Actually, yeah. I do know one person who tested positive okay I know I have a Facebook friend whose father died from it that Facebook friend's my age so I can assume their father's

in their 70s that's like it's kind of weird that for such an international a global pandemic it seems like most people I know don't have it or don't even know someone who, as far as we know. I know what you mean. It's not as, I'm sure it's just one of the communities you're in too.

You know, like if you're a doctor or a nurse, I'm sure you know a lot of people. Or if you're a person who works in a grocery store, you probably know. I'm an essential job of some sort. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would guess that's a big difference.

But yeah, it's... What were they? The death count's all over the place. Like their projections, like... What was it? Initially, it's like 2 million people could die if nobody does anything. And then it's like, we're down to 200,000 now. Then they dropped it to 60,000 or something.

And now we're over 60. So who knows I'm staying quarantined until I feel like it's legitimate oh by the way I will mention this Kitty's Etsy store One Tree Lane over there she's got she's got masks that she's made and she's

got her hand sanitizer her masks are silly she's making them by hand with her sewing machine and I don't know the one I saw had dicks all over it that That's the one she offered to me. Oh, fun. It's a good way to get asked not to return to the Kroger or wherever you're going. Here's the thing. If they're close enough to see the dicks, they're too close. Oh, you see the dicks there. This is part of it.

Someone says, hey, you've got dicks on your face. You say, hey, you're too fucking close. Problem solved. That's fine. One tree lane, you said? One tree lane, I believe. Yeah. Let me just double check that because you'll shit a brick. It should have brick if you get it wrong.

It might be one tree hill. It's not. It's one tree line. That's what it is. Is it? Yeah, I remember. Yeah, yeah. might be one tree hill it's not one tree it's one tree line that's what it is is it yeah i remember yeah yeah for something that's like dominating every headline and our behavior and our economy and all this it like i don't want to be some conspiracy theory fool but it's just funny to

me that like i hardly know anyone that knows anyone yeah it's what are we at now? Yeah, I mean... Almost 30,000 new cases today. Or no, 30,000... 31,000 new cases today. 2,200 new deaths today, bringing the total to a little under 60,000 total deaths. Do you know anybody who's had a car accident in the last three months? No.

There's about 16,000 car accidents a day. Every day in the U.S. It's pretty similar numbers yeah you know it's just your odds are i would say your odds are pretty similar you know of getting covet or getting into a car accident maybe well i mean no do we all get it twice roughly twice i really hope i don't fucking get it yeah that's it the whole i've been to the doctor's office twice that's the only time i've been like outside the house and i went to like the hot zone right but everybody there had a mask on and uh i wore my mask and there was i i have

hand sanitizer in my car and there's hand sanitizer in the doctor's office and i don't touch anything like before i get back in the car i'm fucking sanitizing and i'm super careful first thing i do when i get back in the car for the store is i go another safe trip you're like hey is the wind blowing yeah so i don't taste virus quarantine thing so i are you It tastes virus-y. Quarantine thing. Are you just totally not being tested anymore, Kyle? Is that done and behind you? I call every day. You still have to call.

I don't have to call. I guess what I should do probably is call my parole officer or probation officer and be like, hey, are they still going to test me or what? But I don't like touching base with them if i don't have to i've never even asking is this gonna be on the test yeah i've never even met my current uh probation officer like like i walked by i heard her yell from an office that was down the hall like like because she's a female she couldn't p test me when i went in um one time right after i got out of prison and uh and so the

guy that i've been dealing with forever, who's now been promoted to head of the office. Because he was very good. He was great! Oh, was he? Oh, I'm mixing him up with someone else. Oh, yeah. All of the people I've dealt with with the probation officer have been excellent.

There was someone who had trouble with your address and messing up paperwork. That's who I thought I had in my head. Who was that? Oh, that's when I was in prison yeah that was my that was like my uh counselor in prison he was the one in charge of like getting all my my my paperwork ready to go for me to leave into the world and he was fucking it up so like he had he had them go to he had him go to the wrong house to do the spot visit to make sure it's okay for me to go back. And I'm like, that's not my house you went to.

He's like, well, it's here on the paperwork. I'm like, no. No, it's not. You've transposed fucking. Anyway, he was a real fuck up. But yeah, everybody at the probation office has been cool. But yeah, the only time I had any meeting with her is i exchanged an email with her once and then uh when i was getting p tested by the mail officer there he like yelled down the hallway at her he's like hey

you want to meet him and she's like nah and i was like well i'm good too i don't i don't care and i just left and i wasn't ever seen tested at all Even if I'm being perfect. I might be like well. I do like not being tested I I've been drug tested for a job before a long long time ago Maybe nervous nervous right like what if I ate the wrong poppy seed poppy bagel or yeah? Okay, if you eat enough poppy seeds you'll pop for more for for heroin or for I If you eat enough poppy seeds, you'll pop for heroin. That's true. I thought it might have been an urban legend or something, and I googled it, and that's a thing that can happen. There's another one. I feel like you'd have to eat a ton of them.

I don't know. It's a good bit. I don't know. But there's a lot of them on a bagel. Is that enough? I'm not sure. You know, if you ate a lot of them. I think that if you ate three muffins a day, which, you know.

That's too many muffins. That is a lot of muffins. Too many muffins is too many muffins. Let's just be real here. Muffins are cupcakes without the frosting. Yes. They're any cake. Yes.

Really storming a new beach with that take. No muffins. No muffins are good muffins. I don't like muffins either. I don't like pancakes. I don't like waffles. I like the way they taste taste in the moment but i've never felt energized after that i always feel like shit after you eat all this yeah like bacon and eggs or sausage and eggs and then some kind of vegetable with it like that's the best breakfast you feel more energized i just like to

do eggs with uh with like i love steak and eggs like like the other day i i had a sirloin steak i showed you a picture of it like yeah it was the one i showed you like i sous vided that uh that little six ounce uh sirloin steak and uh did a couple of over easy eggs and then i dipped the steak in the egg yolk it was fucking amazing not the healthiest very good but lately my thing has been um like a protein cereal with milk and uh like a fistful of blueberries in there and uh i don't know some of the blueberries and the milk and the cardboard tasting cereal just combined for what i like i'm gonna make it like a chicken sausage scrambled eggs and then. You should try steel cut oatmeal. You can take steel cut oatmeal and then you can throw like your favorite brand of protein powder in it and mix it.

Tastes really good. My wife is like. Chocolate oatmeal. It's like a ton of protein, a ton of fiber. We have great protein. It tastes like vanilla. And I swear it's like a carnation instant breakfast added to milk almost. And that's wonderful. And Jackie's like, I don't like this stuff. It tastes like vanilla. It's swear it's like a carnation instant breakfast added to milk almost. And that's wonderful.

And Jackie's like, I don't like this stuff. It tastes like vanilla. It's like, what? What the fuck is wrong with you? That's what it's supposed to taste like. It's vanilla flavor. That's the good part about it. Vanilla's a tasty flavor. She's not liking knives. She's not liking the vanilla drinks. Crazy woman. Is it too

late to trade her in? It's just disrespectful the um we had our 24 year anniversary recently yeah yeah you mentioned that that's awesome that's right yeah yeah 24 you're one away from one away from probably having to actually do something silver yeah yeah i remember we looked at that it was like there's paper and then paper mache and then dude i like the old school ones the new ones are always like way expensive like yeah the current gift for this is a cruise in the bahamas like but if the traditional one is wood Well, I built you a bird house. Dude, we have hummingbirds. My breakfasts are the greatest thing.

So I have coffee, maybe some sort of breakfast. Jackie could make it, or I'll do the cereal thing. There are hummingbirds all over our front porch. Before I moved to this house, I was only 80% sure hummingbirds were real. I'd never seen a hummingbird. I'd never seen a hummingbird. I've never seen a hummingbird. Dude, never, ever. All over the goddamn place.

I thought to myself, maybe they move so, their wings move so fast you can't even see them. A hummingbird itself moves so quickly that the human eye can't pick it up. Sip it around. All over the place. Hummingbirds are just speed demons everywhere and you can't see them with the naked eye. He's got a camera outside like, I'll catch him. He goes back yard and then his hair blows

up. Never seen a hummingbird. Couldn't find it. Out now, like there's hummingbirds that's on the other side of a window but I'll say six feet from me. Like every morning, sometimes two, three hummingbirds eating the flowers together, whatever the hell they're doing out there.

Do you remember being like, maybe this was just, I think this was one of those like common misconceptions that everybody had where it was like, oh, the daddy long legs. That's the most venomous spider in the world, but its mouth and the teeth are too small. It can't penetrate the human skin. So it's harmless. harmless like i can picture woody like teaching hope and colin like no believe it or not hummingbirds do exist but they are so fast that they're imperceptible i knew they were really small birds wind bullet birds firing past you like fairies

if you feel a puff of wind and it smells like honey you'll know dad are hummingbirds real and you're like i knew this day would come no hope i didn't know exactly how big they were i knew they were really small birds all i knew they were like bumblebee sized or something that's why this artist is great this house we have a we have a mated pair of red tail falcons that come back every year and and they they live they stand on the house and this tree that we have out front they're fun to watch um yeah there's cats that come around. They're not our cats, but they seem

to like our driveway. They walk around. Anyway, good stuff. I like them. I presume they eat mice. The hummingbirds or the falcons? The cats. For all I know, hummingbirds do as well. They just hit the rat

like a fucking dart with that beak and that's that's that for the rat we've all seen the 50 cows take out the prairie dogs i assume it's similar to that those prairie dogs explode they just become a mist yeah it's crazy if you're gonna go out that's a pretty good way to go. Like you, no pain, right? Yeah, they're not feeling that. Yeah, they're not feeling that.

They're literally exploding. Just turns the lights off. Yeah. I've shot birds that exploded like that. I've shot chickens with a 50 caliber rifle before. They kind of just explode. No, that's just a waste of food.

of course, I've told this before, and I have less experience. I think your dad had a couple dozen chickens. That squirrel I hit with the 9mm, it did, it was perfect shot right through its ear almost. Don't shot. There was hardly any, like the exit wound was a little bigger. The entry wound was very clean.

Like I thought it might have been an ear at first, and I'm like, no like no no this thing over here is the ear this is just a brand new hole i made for him yeah full metal jacket won't really uh especially you know it won't blow stuff up i don't know it's a pistol a lot yeah i i watch a lot of those uh uh like i don't know people getting shot on youtube videos i saw on the other day where this guy came into a barbershop and tried to rob the place. It was like something out of a movie. The guy getting his hair cut, he's got the thing draped over his whole front. He's got a gun on though, so he's able to get the gun up under that thing and just shoot through

it without aiming. He's shooting through the thing they drape over you if you get your hair cut. You can see the's shooting through the like the thing they drape over you if you get your hair cut and you can see the bullets going through the bad guy and hitting a glass mirror that's behind him because he's shooting full metal jacket it was fucking cool how disabled was the bad guy he shot him in the spine i'm glad you asked and the bad guy's crawling away with only the front part of his body working. It was a good laugh. Fuck him. I read that something like 85% of gunshot victims

or pistol shot victims survive. You think it's a laser, like a touch of death. Pistols especially, they don't do as much damage as you might be thinking. Pistols are pistols and rifles or rifles and the damage they do are very different categories oh yeah no that's definitely true

yeah it depends on ammunition big time too because like full metal jacket just kind of goes in and out yeah it doesn't do a whole lot more damage in my opinion than like spearing somebody with something that's that's pretty thin you know unless it starts tumbling and bouncing off bones which bullets do the remote poking device like an ice pick from a distance. Yeah. You're not supposed to use full metal jacket for self-defense rounds. No, you want nice hollow points.

Yeah. They prevent pass through. They do more damage. Yeah. Yeah, that seems almost like a common sense thing. But I guess, hey, guy getting his hair cut. You can use whatever you want. It goes state by state. A lot of people are cheap. You can buy a bottle it go state by state cheap i can buy a bottle i had hollow by a box okay you

go you buy a box of uh 50 uh full metal jacket for you know 16 dollars and nine millimeter whereas like what are those things come in like a box of like 20 hollow points is gonna be like 30 dollars or something for like the really good shit. So, but you don't shoot those things for fun. That's the difference. You know, you just load them at all. Like,

like, like I, I've, I've had plenty of hollow points that like, I was just like, well, yeah, those stay in the magazine.

And then you go somewhere to like a shoot and somebody like, Hey, can I shoot your pistol? And forget, hand them your pistol loaded up with dollar 20 around 45 and he's just like pulling him away and i remember halfway through him just like 240 360 480 just counting the money go away um what was i gonna say pistols ah hollow point ammo oh oh yeah it goes by state i went to new jersey and uh in new jersey they like in north carolina a hollow point is considered polite and responsible right if you hit something

with a hollow point people maybe not know it sort of mushrooms out the bullet gets wider and it stays in what it hits it doesn't tend to pass out the other side, or if it does, it's much less velocity and dangerous. With a full metal jacket, it stays bullet-shaped and just pokes out the other side quite quickly, and it can hit two people. You can get collaterals with a full metal jacket. In North Carolina, a hollow point is considered like the responsible gun owner's round.

You only want what you're hitting to have damage, not what you're hitting and all the things behind it. In New Jersey, they consider hollow points cop killers. And anyone who has that is some sort of murderous outlaw. That's retarded.

It is retarded, but they're illegal, I think. Unless it's changed. This is a while ago. Well, there was an episode of Sopranos that focused on that at one point. That's how I know that they're a big deal in New Jersey specifically.

But yeah, Georgios, do whatever you want. Do the bullets explode? Actually, yeah, they do explode. They have a small amount of high explosive in them. Cool! Can I watch? These must have come from Florida.

Is that tungsten? Yeah. Yeah, it is. What do you shoot through with that? Bulletproof vests, armored personnel carriers, plate armor, eight people.

Tungsten will punch through all that? The way that it's in the bullet. I'll show you what the bullet looks like. Because I know tungsten, what is it like? Is it one of the densest or one of the hardest? Yeah, tungsten carbide. Yeah, it's one of the hardest. So it'll just rip through steel?

It will. Oh, this is exactly it. Let me try it. I'll tell you when I've got it. If there's a video, I want to see. I've got videos, but you'd have, you need a timestamp. This is what the round looks like. And that red bit, is that the tracer?

I imagine that point is the tungsten, right? So that is slap T, which the slap part is describing the tungsten part. And the T refers to the tracing element in it. Now, I believe the tracing element is behind that red part you're seeing. The red part is actually a plastic sabot around the slug and it is at 50 caliber and so and this is a 50 caliber bmg round it's meant to be shot through a 50 caliber rifle however the slug the actual um tungsten penetrator that's the projectile is 30 caliber so you're shooting this you're getting all that firepower of a 50 bmg round put behind a 30 caliber round uh and it's it'll go through anything i've ever put it up

i would take i would take these uh ar 500 steel plates that are meant to stop like 30 caliber rounds you can shoot them all day. With a 30 and it just does nothing? I've strapped them on before and dinged 9mm off myself. You feel so safe looking at these things that you're like, yeah, it'll be fun. Ping, ping, ping.

It was dangerous. Hey, shoot me! Nobody would ever shoot me um i wouldn't shoot you yeah why would you why would you take that risk of of manslaughtering me yeah look i know how well i shoot there's a good chance i'll hit the armor i'll admit but there's a chance i won't yeah that's stupid to do i would would always shoot myself. I wouldn't want to put that... Yeah, you wouldn't want to be dumb. I wouldn't want to put that on you. I'll be dumb if it's me.

I don't want to be dumb for you. What are you in for? Maybe tell the story again. Let's just watch the video. Alright, boys. Come on. Cue up. Wow, 35 million hits, huh?

By the time you're out of here, it'll clear 50. At least. No, it's got 35 years to get there. But yeah, you can see by the price of that round, that's $45 per round. Yeah, I ran into a guy inas who just gave me a whole bunch of them um so i i just always had you know a bunch of them to like use for like specialty stuff like whenever i was testing armor or i can't think of all of all the stuff i think i shot an engine

block with one once like like i would save them for like cool stuff it's a problem with like there are a lot of guns where you say oh like this gun and that gun are relatively similarly priced you know the same stratosphere but one shoots five dollar bills and the other shoots quarters that makes a difference yeah 338 lapua um five bucks a shot uh for the for the cheap stuff. And I had that 338 Lapua AR with a 10 round magazine. So you put one in the pipe, 10 in the mag. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. Woo!

$55 gone! Give me another mag! It wasn't $55 worth of fun, I'll tell you that. No, it wasn't. Not at all is it $55 worth of fun. Unless you're fighting a whole bunch of insurgents at 900 meters, I guess.

But otherwise, like, I was shooting a beer keg at 30 yards. You know, it's like. 22, you can just be like, this is basically free. Yeah, I have a 22 lever action. And I am rooting, tooting cowboy. I need my ladies cowboy hat and some chaps and I'll be Henry it is yeah

those are such cool retro guns the action is so tight I it turns out I think that's my favorite action I don't know whatever if I were to cosplay it definitely be cowboy probably is a guy cowboy but I'm halfway through the costume now so I want to be a Westworld whore.

If you ever decide to buy yourself a machine gun, not only because it's honestly a legitimately good investment. One thing about gun rights, you know they're not going to give any back. They might take some more away. They're not going to give any back. They're not going to legalize machine guns. Those pre-86 machine guns represent a known quantity.

There's only so many that we know where they are and who has them. They're registered. If you have a machine gun, it's only going up in value because every now and then one of them breaks. Isn't the license like $3,000 a year? No.

I'm talking about transferable pre-86 machine guns. You pay a $200 tax stamp and a very expensive price. Like a Mac 11 is like, last time I checked, a couple years, about $4,000 or $5,000 for a full automatic machine pistol. What does that shoot? What bad. What does that shoot? What kind of rounds does that shoot? The one I was shooting shot 10 millimeter, I think. What about a rifle?

Is there a fully auto rifle? How much would that cost? What would it be? Expensive. What I was going to recommend is this gun. I'm going to link it momentarily. So this is an AM180. It is legitimately an investment. It is absolutely the coolest machine gun I ever shot.

This is a fully automatic.22 caliber machine gun with what I remember to be a 450 round drum magazine that goes on the top. It shoots 22 long rifle at a rate of fire so fast. It sounds like it's vibrating. It just goes. That's awesome. It's 18 grand,

huh? Yes. Like I said, very expensive Taylor needs it and again credit card information but there's a lot

here's a here's a Sten gun like a World War 2 shitty British machine gun it's 12 grand I'm already sold on the first one to be honest with you but the things that you were mentioning like an M4 like an M16A1 or something like that

you're looking at $30,000, $40,000 $50,000 something like that. What is this Ruger 1022 $20,000? Is it the one I linked? It was the one you linked for me in the bottom right was this Ruger 1022 right under it

Here I'll link it On my screen I see a Beretta BM 59 7 6 2 in the discord Okay, I don't understand why it's special Yeah, that's even more expensive than the cool gun This is in rail style lever with Mark down from 22,000 than the cool gun. This is in rail style lever with hogevers. Markdown from $22,000. I'm guessing this is fully automatic and transferable

somehow, but I didn't think they were made 10-22s pre-86. That's my only guess. This is a transferable, fully automatic 1022 okay um but that that would be news to me i don't know a ton about 1022s but i would have assumed that they were not made pre-86 but it is listed here in transferable machine guns but yeah you can see like the there's a This is a $44,000 M16.

$44,000 M16. Yeah. Jesus. They're only going up in value again. They truly are. There's no circumstance in which. Right? You said gun rights don't come back,

and I'm like, I feel like concealed carry's come back. Some stuff has. Sure. But fully auto, I'm with you. Silencers, I might not be. I can imagine a world where Republicans have enough control that they make silencers legal. They are, well, they're not an NFA item would be the step.

They're legal for hunting here in Georgia. Right. I said it incorrectly. And I didn't know that, actually. But yeah, now if people don't know, you can have a silencer, but it takes a special tax stamp, and there's a whole bunch of paperwork hoops to jump through that prevent most people from getting them. Another thing that's cool to buy are destructive devices,

and there's a lot of things that fall within that realm. Technically, a Molotov cocktail is a destructive device that needs to be registered. That's why I never really did a Molotov cocktail video. But I'm looking here. You can get things like the Street Sweeper shotgun was designated a

destructive device. You can get one of those for $2,000. But what's really cool, there's a fucking Lottie L39 20 millimeter uh rifle in here for nine grand uh there's an anzio ironworks 20 millimeter rifle uh with a suppressor on it for nine grand i know the guy that makes those and a lot of 40 millimeter grenade launchers i bought a everclear like a couple weeks ago to use to make hand sanitizer and then like hand sanitizer ended up arriving and so i used it like mixed it with soap to like make a like disinfectant

spray thing if i ever ran out of that and every time i see the bottle though because it has like warning flammable do not fuck around with this it's 190 190 proof. So that's 95% alcohol. And every time I see the bottle, all I want to do is make a Molotov cocktail just to see what would happen. I would never do that. Because I'd go to prison for a long time.

But you could do it without filming it. I want to know. Throw it in my backyard. Nothing much happens. Really? Wouldn't the alcohol get everywhere or i guess maybe the alcohol would burn up so fast well you'd want to use gasoline um or actually you'd want to use gasoline and thicken it up a little bit by dissolving well you need benzene so you buy yourself a bottle of benzene off of amazon thing to make like napalm

yeah yeah there's a bunch of youtube videos on that doesn't seem like there should be Yeah. Yeah. There's a bunch of YouTube videos on that. It doesn't seem like there should be. They're educational purposes only. Educational. Just in case you're doing a bunch of math and you think,

I want to blow something up. I have a Taylor question from the AMA. For Taylor, if you suddenly won the lottery or otherwise came into a situation where money will never again be a concern, would you still work? If not, what would you do? And I'll add to it. If you still worked, would you choose your current profession? An amount of money

that I would never have to work again. Never again be a concern. I know for a fact I would keep doing this and I probably do Twitch a lot more. You have to stay busy with something or you'll lose your mind. You have to have goals and stuff. So I would definitely do that. I don't know if I probably do Twitch a lot more like you have to stay busy with something or you'll lose your mind like you have to have goals and stuff so I would definitely do that I don't know if I would do traditional working anymore I would probably be like okay I'm just gonna be my own boss now I'll do podcasting I'll do fun shit on Twitch and get really into you know whatever

hobby I feel like getting into at the time or whatever travel I want to do. I'd start the Kyle Myers Foundation where I would provide scholarships to wayward young women to colleges. And I would have to interview the candidates myself. Doc Kyle over there. We could make that happen too.

I would love to get a little cult going on. Kyle's home for loose women. Now, describe why you should get the scholarship. Well, I'm very loose. I'll suck your dick right now. If you're describing it and your mouth's not full, you're not making it in. Yeah.

If I can actually understand the words then She's a winner. Very selective charitable organization, Kyle's home for wayward women and loose women. Yeah, quite the discerning eye. So yeah, I would I probably wouldn't do any kind of traditional work where I had a boss anymore.

I'd just travel and do online stuff. Yeah. I don't see any need to do things that other people want me to do if I've got unlimited monies. It's not going to happen though because I don't play the lottery. Which means I have a 0% chance of winning. You ever hear about those people who win it twice?

Assholes. Somebody won it twice in the same day just recently. I saw it on Reddit. I'm like, maybe I should just start playing. If this cock's up, he won it twice? And it won't be like, oh yeah, he won $35 and then $3,500. It'll be like, yeah,

he won $8 million back in 1999 and then last year he won another $14 million. The fuck? Why is he still playing the lottery after winning $8 million? What a white trash piece of shit. I'm out.

I don't know. I just go with the math, right? Even I can calculate it, that it's not a good return on investment. I buy a ticket maybe twice a year uh i usually just get a couple scratch offs like i don't carry cash very often but like if i win a bet or if i gamble or play it when some i got if i have 20 or 50 on me and it's just like free money in my eyes

i was like yeah give me a 20 ticket he's ticket. He's like, which one? I pick it. I don't fucking care which nonsense game. And he'll hand it to me. I'm like, no, no, no. You think I care about the playing of this game? Scan it. I don't even need to scratch this bitch. And he'll scan it. I'm like, you lose. Alright, have a good day. I don't want to get that shit all over my fingers.

Yeah, I don't need that. I thought they were a dollar, a lottery ticket. Dollar, $5, $10 like like there are there are tiers i think like the mega ball or power whatever the big one is that every like every six months they'll be like did you know the power balls at half a billion like those are like 20 bucks right no those are a dollar oh well i don't know shit about scratch ops so i'm talking about so'm talking about, well, that's not a scratch-off. That's like the Powerball or whatever. Those are like a dollar.

And I think maybe if you pay like an extra dollar, you get like better odds or access to like the Mega Millions or something like that. So a dollar or two, I think. Like I said, I do this twice a year. But with the scratch-offs, there are tiers. And you have better odds and you're a better prize pool the more you're buying in for but my concern is like so i buy a lottery ticket not the scratch off but

like a lottery ticket yeah now it's incumbent upon me to like watch a tv show where they reveal the winning numbers google it yeah but i still still have to hold on to that ticket for a few days and see if I won. Now I like that dynamic. I usually buy it the day of if I'm going to do it. And then that night at 8pm, 9pm, whenever they happen,

I Google it and I look at my ticket and I realize I've lost again and I tear it up. You should put it out there and dash somebody else's hopes like oh here's a lottery ticket just laying in the street it could be my lucky day could be a winner it is kind of fun to play the lottery because you do that thing where you think like about what you'll do with the with the 500 million dollars if you win it like like all the people whose lives you'll ruin you know buying property all the way around them and changing the zoning.

Like really lobbying the politicians and turning it into like a racetrack next door to their house. Yeah. Oh, I'd be an absolute monster. Find someone you hate, buy all the surrounding property and make a circle-shaped dog kennel. It just smells and barks all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. This is my

feral dog compound. It's actually humanitarian. Why don't you clean them? I'd go buy the note to wings property from the bank. Or wings. Now he'd have to pay me rent directly. But I'd

make all sorts of changes to the deal. I'd be like, hey, it's free rent if you let my camera crew come in. He'd have to do it. He'd do it, right? Free rent if every light in your home is now a black light.

You'd have to live like that. And you'd get to go into the camera crew. What's going on? Make it all red. Because that's what Kyle's dream is. Make it all red like that episode of Seinfeld. The chicken place. He's pouring this tomato juice on his cereal.

That looked great to me. I need to rewatch some more Seinfeld. That's a good one. Kenny Rogers Roasters. Is that what that is? Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. Kenny Rogers' Roasters. Is that what that is? Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

It's a bad chicken. He'll mess you up. He'll mess you up and then he eats some with Newman. Newman's growling at him when he's trying to reach him. Yeah, I would be real petty. Real petty with my half a billion dollars. Really try to try to fuck with some people like get them under my thumb you know like uh i i really like the idea

of like messing with people's like like you know buy i like the idea of buying the property around them and like making like adding a pig farm like i wouldn terrible thing to do. Yeah, yeah. Free pig farm. Just run it. And now you've got a pig farm behind your dream house. Great. You can make it a TV show, too. I love the idea of recording

the nonsense and having fun with that. Yeah, let me do a couple ad reads, then. Since it's been a minute. Support for today's episode of Painkiller Already comes from the University of Colorado Boulder, a Tier 1 research university at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. Join a culture of innovation in Boulder,

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That's colorado.edu slash grad programs. Go check them out, even if you're just curious about this. This sounds like a pretty cool place. Yeah. Big fan of Colorado myself. Maybe I'll get into the aerospace industry. I definitely want to be... Alright. I'm just going to keep moving along. I'm not going to mess this up.

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You know what Colorado has? Tons of outdoor stuff. You're going to have a. You know what Colorado has? Tons of outdoor stuff. You're going to have a blast. I wasn't sure where you were going with that. Do you know how much I would be skiing? No, where we shouldn't. Yeah, you know how much I would be skiing if I lived in Colorado? Oh.

Every winter. All the time. It would be my thing. I would love to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, in my high school in New Jersey, some people, their identity was skiing. It's like, you live at the Jersey Shore.

The fuck? You go skiing twice a year? Like your identity can't be skiing. You can't have it. They're just absolutely terrible next to like a middling Colorado kid. Exactly. Imagine these guys go skiing after school all the time. Whereas for you, it's a vacation you take now and then.

Oh, you do this like twice a year. That's like some guy in Colorado being like, yeah, I'm a bit of a surfer right i was gonna make that same comparison there are people from like felon elfia whose identity is surfing and here we are like living two blocks from the beach like that you're fucking awful snowboarding doesn't translate at all it's different yeah you'd think it would i thought that i would be a good snowboarder uh right away and i was not. Yeah, I've never tried snowboarding. I don't believe. I've only done skiing.

I'm more of a sledder. It's not even like the kind you can steer. You just hop in the manhole cover looking for the top of the mountain. I'd be down for any kind of sled. Inflatable sleds, I think, are the most fun. They're a little shock-absorbing. I'm not seven anymore. Put some turtle wax on the bottom and just fly.

I'm the only adult on our vacation who's like, hey, guys, who wants to go sledding? Everybody's just like, the fuck? We're going skiing. Yeah, I remember on the trip. It's a black diamond. Me, you, and Chiz took that, like, you guys even said prior to when we took it, you're like, we're not skiing. We're not going to ski. And in my head, like, even on the plane, I'm like, I'll win him over.

They'll go skiing with me. And like, I think I was like, you picked me up at the airport in that like Denali or whatever it was. And I get in the back and we're like chatting, catching up. And I was thinking, I made a comment like, man, I can't wait to hit the slopes or something like that. And you and I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, is where they're like do you know why we came here it's to get really high and be silly and order food and watch things and play magic and do and and not ski you think we're gonna leave this airbnb you guys did like to get more food tow behind a car at one point one of the trips maybe that was on that one taylor wasn't on that one that was uh that was me kitty chis uh Kitty's friend.

I think I brought a girl. Yeah, I brought my girlfriend. And yeah, we had a house like out in Telluride or near Telluride, which is like southern Colorado, out in the wilderness. And it was a really big fucking cabin. And Kitty's friend had like an SUV. big fucking um like cabin and uh kitty's friend had like an suv so we tied sort of like what you would like uh drag behind a boat on the lake like one of those big inflatable like things you ride on and we drug that in the snow and had a ball just like hanging out like having a good time in the uh out in the field that or the yard or whatever you want to call it was a big area like

had a great time with that. But, but the time is where activity, the, I've been a bunch of times like, like, like Chiz and I probably went together, like just me, he and I like twice more aside from the time that I went,

that I just described in the time that Taylor came with us. But, but yeah, do I was, those trips are about smoking weed and the things that we'd make make better and the things that you can do to make weed better. Nothing else. I've thought about attending those trips. I'm sorry to cut you off.

But like for most of my life, it's been like, dude, we're going to party. Like, yeah, man, I got winners on designated driver. That's me. It's usually not a hotly contested position. And then I get there. Who else wants to exercise? Let's go skiing. Yeah, I don't belong there.

I do not think of skiing as exercise. Skiing is a treat. It is so much. I mean, we did a few things, right? We played putt-putt. We drove those race cars. Those go-karts were the highlight of my trip. Were you high while driving go-karts? So high.

Okay. But that's okay? It's not like drunk. Like, drunk is not okay. It's very dangerous to drink and drive. I don't know how much I want to say on the show, but I'll say this. I can drive a go-kart just fine.

As a motherfucker. I would never get behind the wheel of a vehicle and smoke marijuana. I would never do that. I would love to do super fucking fast go-karts again. That was a blast. We could do that whenever this COVID thing is over and we do our little PKA meetup trip. I'm sure there's something like that here in Atlanta. We could do that.

Yeah. I got my heart set on six flags. We can do both. I don't fucking care. I live here. You know, I ain't no, but I thought it was all the ones traveling away home.

And what I thought that was a fan meetup. And some people seem to think it's a content creation trip. And I, I need to see what the Patreon said. Yeah, I'll read the fine details. I was under the... I thought it was a live recording of the show. I think any of those things cover like a meetup.

We need to look into what we promised. And meet our promises. Fuck do we agree to? Exactly. But we agree to? Exactly. But we agree to something. Looks like Taylor's out of a liver. Oh man, but I need that. I want to do what we agreed to.

I don't want anyone to be like, oh, they didn't deliver on that. That's important to me. What did we agree to exactly? I don't know. Once the COVID thing's over, I'll take time off if I need to to make sure this gets done. Where the fuck is the... It's going to be fun. Meeting up.

I'll look for it, too. Palling around. This doesn't count as fact-checking. No. Yeah, I'm on the page. I mean, let's take a moment. I mean, this is a good topic. I'd like to know what we're going to do here.

All I'm seeing is what you get for like like individual amounts so it says this i'll read it carefully if we can get 10 000 per month we will fly all the hosts to a special location for a special episode of pka that to me implies a show where we're in the same location that seems like we all go somewhere to like an airbnb with a giant table we bring all our mic setups and then we do it more of like a traditional radio show instead of right yeah that's exactly what what that is there is a guy in my twitch chat who uh is a videography expert who offered to help with the production on it. So it might be wise to tap into him I don't know. I should have brought this up in private not public. But uh, no we can talk about I mean So another thing I don't know. What's he offering to do it for free? I

Think you know if not easy sound I'm sure it'd be reasonable but I think he wants another off I'm just throwing this out here. That's where i'm gonna yeah i think so but anyway good 500 you said oh that's the episode name that's the aisle right yeah um you know chad and eric are down here like it'd be we it would be interesting to do one in person and also have a guest in person and the only person i know around here who's like a big YouTuber is Eric. Yeah, IraqVeteran888. Which is not short for Hail Hitler, Hail Hitler. The eights have nothing to do with that.

Yeah, 88. No, he's just a big Patrick Kane fan. The eight letter of the alphabet is the H. So 88 is like a white pride thing. That is not why he used that. He explained it to me once. I just don't recall exactly what it was. I didn't know that. Assholes on the internet.

He's a very nice guy, not a racist at all. HH is how Hulk Hogan signs his tweets. That's right. Hulk Hogan, Hulk Hogan. That's what it's all about. I love the way he writes his tweets, and it'll just be like, having a wonderful day.

You know, and just HH. So, yeah, just an idea like like uh maybe we rent out uh one of those like conference rooms at a hotel you know you've got that boardroom style table and all the wheelie chairs and that's a good idea and potentially i could ask if uh if eric wants to be a guest for that for that sort of show Again, pretty big YouTuber who's right here next to me. And also, Chad is a pretty good videographer. He's got a collection of nice cameras, and he's good at video editing. Perhaps we could pay him a small fee to do something.

He was always pretty affordable when I'd pay him to do work for me. That was really in-depth. We're out in the field and doing stuff. It would be like... 500 is 11 weeks away and I don't really have my finger on how COVID is going to do.

This COVID shit is not going to be done. I think we need to... The COVID thing is real. We were on lockdown here in Georgia. No essential travel. Still today. That may be over tomorrow. But I could easily see it going back the other way.

What I'm getting at is I want to do this. We all want to do this. And we're going to do this. But the current viral pandemic may slow things down a little bit. However, what are we going to do? 11 weeks means two things to me. One part of me is like, that's way too far.

This COVID thing is wrapping up in two and a half weeks. Taylor has to get on a plane. I have been incorrectly predicting the end of COVID for two months now. Right? So keep that in mind. I also thought FPS Russia would never last once pumpkins went out of season right so but watermelons came and i was like i don't see the future in this dollar two liters are always the season exactly so oh but so 11 weeks like in my heart feels way

too far away from now this This should be three weeks. But I also can see where three weeks might be way too close. And like you said, Taylor's on a plane. I want to go to Spain this year. And I have no interest at all in hopping on a plane. I do not want to go to Spain this year. Right. Yeah.

Right. And, well, it would be July. Where is this thing going to be in July? Is it over? Maybe it's worse than it was. Maybe there's a resurgence. What I'm getting at is, I just want to be clear, we're definitely going to do it. It's definitely going to have to be in Georgia because of my probation, unless COVID lasts for the next year or two.

And I think we'll probably what we're going to do here is under promise and over deliver because what we'll definitely do is a thing where we're all in the same room, potentially with our cameras like they are now, because that's easy and that fills the agreement that we made. However, potentially something more like Joe Rogan experience, right?

Where there's a camera on each of us and then there's editing to click back and forth as each of us speaks. That'd be a cool episode, right? There's no need for these boxes at that point, right? We could all be in a horseshoe sort of thing and

there could be a wide shot and then there could be individual shots and you could go to... If someone's being very expressive while somebody else has stepped off to piss we don't need the wide shot right like like we could have we could have four cameras rolling like like i don't think that's ridiculous to to do uh and and you know i'm so cooped up i'm looking i'm actively looking forward to this yeah like man i can't wait to go do the PKA thing. That'd be fun. And I think what we could do, too, is, like, I'm sure, like, if we're going to meet up,

like, it'd kind of be lame if we just, like, did what we always do and then went our separate ways. Of course not. I'm sure, you know, I definitely want to have a dinner or something like that. But even more so, if you guys are down, I'd like to do maybe a day of fun. Yeah. Right? Where we do go-karts. Or two. Or two go karts or two yeah i mean you're traveling from missouri he's traveling from north he's like

eight hours away ten hours away probably your life taylor's the the bigger concern for me because he has to take a plane and that's just a covid transfer system yeah yeah yeah i wouldn't want to do that i got my heart set on six flags. That doesn't have to be a content thing. That could be a day of fun. Oh, for sure. It'd be so easy to make some quick little... Just do a rollercoaster review. If you want to get that fucking

search engine optimization mode, fucking review every coaster at Six Flags. Let's do it. I don't think this is good content or might not even be allowed content but my dumb nerd ass is like can we do an escape room because that sounds like fun i've done an escape room by the end he was like well you didn't make it um do you want to know how to what you should have done and i was just like, no. Me, Kyle, and Chiz did an escape room.

Not your cup of tea? It was awful. It wasn't awful. It was more that like... So the clue was very simple and straightforward, but we extrapolated it out so much that we're like, it can't possibly be that simple. We were too smart for their game.

Look at the pattern here. That pattern is slightly reminiscent of this. All right, there has to be a whole horseshoe pattern that we have like it can't possibly be that simple we were too smart for the pattern here that pattern is slightly reminiscent of this all right there has to be a whole horseshoe pattern that we have to put together and then he's like no it's more like uh you kind of just like you're meant to just fall into this door at some point and it opens it's like oh shit it wasn't very fun i i like we'd have to find a better one we could look at reviews i would be down for trying one as long as it's not an hour long one. I think they're out of vogue now. I think there was a big rash

of them. It was popular. Now it's not so popular. I don't think there's going to be any good ones. Maybe only the good ones are still standing. Yeah, maybe so. I don't know. That's a great idea for a fun day.

I know it's worst case scenario, maybe Halloween standing well yeah maybe so that would be yeah i don't know what idea for a fun day so how i know it's worst case scenario maybe halloween at time of the year uh that's when six flags does this thing called like spooktacular where uh you know they have like a halloween fright fest like day fright fest or something like that and then there's like a massive haunted house out here and i know that might sound lame. It's fucking cool. It's fucking cool. You're getting led down these like creepy paths in the woods. And a dude jumps out of nowhere with a real fucking chainsaw and starts chasing you. I lost a tooth that way.

Huh? Yeah. I was a young guy. I had a loose tooth. I went to a haunted... It was a loose tooth that was bugging me for like two days. Like, look at how much this thing wiggles. And the haunted house it was like I don't know where it went I might have swallowed it but knocked it out but I don't have it anymore

so yeah that would be fun too so yeah as soon as we're um able to like the biggest concern to me would be a a lot of shit here is closed right now. There aren't any fun things to do. I guarantee the fucking go-karts here are not going. It's going to be fucking fall before fun shit. Not essential? Essential to me. Unfortunately not. B. Taylor's got to get on a plane.

I don't know how brave he is, but you couldn't get me on a fucking plane if this shit's going to be this. How long is the drive, Taylor? Do you know? I don't know. When I go to Atlanta, I fly. how brave he is but you couldn't get me on a fucking plane how long is the drive taylor do you know like i don't know when i go to atlanta i fly but i do know that like all the tales of permanent pulmonary damage especially where it's like yeah someone who was young and healthy and didn't even experience that many symptoms they came down with it and now they have 25 reduced

lung function and that might be permanent like that really the the permanent organ damage is what scares me about this yeah that and potential to me it i don't want to give it to any of my like my mom has a weakened immune system she just has gotten over like a really serious bout with the flu uh like like like borderline life threatening uh and my and my dad is is older he doesn't need to be getting this shit it's only like eight nine hours not terrible hmm i thought it was gonna be farther yeah yeah i guess it makes yeah because st louis is like right in the eastern part so not too bad yeah mine's six hours so i overestimated it yeah so either way i'd rather fly than drive eight hours by myself and i do not want to fly until this shit is okay yeah each way alone yeah alone oh that's anyway uh you know it's probably enough about that but what i what i wanted to get across was definitely going to do it we want to do

it i'm psyched to do it uh and i i've always wanted to do like an in-person like episode of the show which i think is going to be very cool i i really want to try to make that i love the idea of having multiple camera angles like what rogan does yeah and having a table and everything whether that's an airbnb or a conference room conference room would be cheaper um but i you know we really need strong internet no we don't the fuck do we need internet for we don't need internet at all we'd be recording all fucking there so anywhere could be the literally do it at a loud bar and grill do it in the woods you know it doesn't fucking matter we just need cameras and electricity um so that being said uh definitely do that but at the same time

whether we record it make a series of videos about it or not, obviously the onus for that is on Woody. Okay. I mean, just being real here, I don't want to be like, you know, I think it'd be really cool if we made this full vlog where we were following around all day and there was like 30, 40 episodes and Woody's just like, where are we going to put those videos, Kyle? Who will be editing them?

Oh, you would, of course. Just put them unedited on my dead channel. Why not? I've been uploading it forever. Or maybe upload them somewhere where there's like Patreon access. Hey, it's the Patreons who are paying for this content, so maybe they're the only ones who fucking get it.

Oh, maybe. How do you like that? Maybe I'll Twitch stream us at the Six Flags. No. Not unless I get a cut. Oh, fuck. Okay. If we divide $12 three ways, Kyle, it's still not anybody's.

We can each look at a hamburger. My chatters are very generous. Actually, I've been doing better the last week or two. I shouldn't. You're going to love the food at Six Flags. I'm sure it's like this at Carnival Food. You can smell those funnel cakes when you pull into the fucking parking lot. That's how they get you.

They go to town on them, too. A turkey leg the size of my head. I don't think they do that. They do at Six Flags St. Louis. Maybe they do. I've never gotten food at Six Flags ever, ever, ever. It's so overpriced, and I'm there to ride. Yeah, but I was nine.

I didn't know what things cost. I just wanted a turkey leg because I saw a guy dressed up as a king walking around eating them. And I'm like, damn, that is that's the coolest guy that eight year old Taylor has ever seen is a guy who's probably a drug addict and 24 walking around hungover in a king outfit having to eat his daily required turkey leg. But it looks like I go to Six Flags like every year or so and at least once. There's been some years where I'm like four times. I get there at like, oh, I'm there when the gates open, already in line

on like a Monday or a Tuesday morning so there's fewer people. And I don't leave until I ride every fucking ride twice in the whole fucking park. Except for the water shit. I don't want to be wet. Agreed. Depends on the day. Sometimes I need to cool off.

Yeah, but there's so much piss. You just feel so gross. You and I have different tastes in water. There's this thing called a monster plantation. And I guess it's meant for kids. But me and my girlfriend would get in these little floaty boat things that

would bob and go real slow through a cave and there's all these animatronic things like like critters that and as you go through it they start out really like wholesome and fun like like it's like the beginning of wizard of oz like like how the lollipop kids are like cool and sweet and as you get like farther into it starts getting dark and scary. The music starts getting scary and they're like,

ghouls and shit with red glowing eyes. We would smoke weed the whole time going on the ride. We'd bring a one-hitter, which for Woody's benefit is a metal pipe that looks just like a cigarette and the front of it is such

that you can if you've got like ground up marijuana in a little baggie you can take that thing and sort of do one of these into the pile of ground up marijuana and now the tip of this metal pipe has packed ground marijuana and you light it with a lighter and it's called a one hitter because you take one hit off of it it's called a one hitter because you take one hit off of it it's all smoked and then like to clear it out because it's all ash now and like you just you just blow and i'm actually curious about that you just blow real hard and it it does just like that it looks just like a cigarette but just like a cigarette someone watching you smoke this is never going to think,

oh, he's enjoying a cigarette because it's some guy taking a hit off of it and being like, man, that guy's holding a hit from a cigarette in his lungs for a long time. That's why we do it on the monster plantation because nobody can see you. Each boat is far enough away from the other.

Smell you, though, right? Smell! Fall into a somebody in the case was a little reefer you come out of there like no one's the wiser these shades on absolute pot so we get just smashed high on that thing she and i just just and and you know we've got such a small amount of weed and she's gonna cop to it if anything happens anyway and you know we're just get super duper high, ride it twice so we can smoke a good five, six hits apiece. So we're just smashed when we go to the next ride. And is this covered?

This is a covered ride? Oh, yeah. And so you're coming out of there, the sun beaming, and you're just high as a kite. I got my shades on. I always, always.. I always Six Flags got so many fond memories since I was a child.

I've gone there and I love it. I love it so much. I think we're going to make a cool video out there. If the next president doesn't legalize weed, just do it, dude. Just do it. Come on. No, the next president is not going to legalize weed because the next president is going to be Donald J. Trump.

That'd be pretty cool if he did it, though. Neither Trump nor Biden have really been the pro-weed kid. Biden's more anti-weed than Trump is. Is that true? Yeah. Because Hillary was a little more pro. Obama was more pro. He made some

progress. That's where the states became legal. Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders were both pro. I don't feel like Biden... Bernie's very pro. Bernie's like legalizing Biden says it's a fucking gateway drug, dude. Biden is so old school. What year is he living in? He doesn't even know.

He has no idea. Buttigieg, no one cares about him anymore. He was on the legalize it and wipe all the... Make people not felons anymore. I don't know how to say that. Just wipe their record? Yeah, I'm on favor of that. Bernie was too.

But... Yeah. Trump never seemed like he gave a shit. It was Sessions that really seemed to hang pot. It's like, shut up, you fucking elf. Get out of here. Sessions was the most anti-pot Attorney General we've had in ages.

I don't know where Barrett's at. What's he up to now? Is he running for Alabama Senator again? No. Well, he was a very popular Alabama Senator. And then he left that to become Attorney General. And now I think he's running for it again.

Doing poorly. He's on the opposite side of Trump, who's very popular. So it's like, oh, who's more popular? Who wins in Georgia? Sessions is probably like 70. Just cash in your chips, dude. Stop. Stop. You already have

a Wikipedia page. Nobody's going to forget you. You've got a Wikipedia page. Calm down. Do you have a Wikipedia page, Taylor? I don't think I do. No, no. I'm sure Wikipedia is like,

oh, we're not letting YouTube retards on here yet. So I guess he's in a runoff for Senate, him and one other guy, and it's been delayed until July because of COVID. So that's guess he's in a runoff for senate him and one other guy and it's been delayed because until july because of covid so that's what he's up to he's uh in the race i didn't look and see who was ahead but i'm so split on the covid thing because like not as far as like the actual virus like yeah it's real bad the economy collapsing is also really bad i feel like all the online takes you're getting are people being like oh you want to reopen the economy because you want to see people die and the stonks go up and it's like well now but like you know the economy crashing means a lot of people are going to

suffer so i think we should close the highway it's not something to be frittered about and talking like it's not a big deal it is a big deal lots of people are going to suffer because of that but also like it's absolutely a real virus this isn isn't some anti-Trump fucking nonsense. It's real. But that wasn't the whole point of it. I love the quarantine working life. I am getting so much more done in so much less time. I'll pop into a call, happen so quick.

Instead of it being two hours long. Some days I work 90 90 minutes two hours a day i wish i wish i wish it was down to that that would be a pretty choice but basically it's like instead of it being a 10 to 130 or 10 to 12 30 meeting it's you know 10 to 10 40 and then i just that's a long meeting i've been in some fucking long ass meetings and usually it's like you know how it is you've been in those where it's just you know there's serpentine paths that go off of what you're talking about and you go down a rabbit trail and it just doesn't doesn't work as well whereas this like i feel like because everyone's on the phone

like you you don't want to over talk as much you want to be like oh something like here's another update blah blah blah happened i implemented this uh this is in the works should be done by x date that's where we're at with this and it's just simple straightforward boom and then you get off the call early you bang shit out it's great that part of the quarantine is tits i hope it would be awesome if i never had to go back into offices again but do you think that there's a realistic chance? I'm sorry. I want to know though,

that going forward, working from home becomes a viable alternative in a way it wasn't before. It absolutely is a viable alternative. Like there are a couple of things I've mentioned on either PK and are here. We're like in face sales. You still want to be in, in front of their face. It's not getting your opinion. What I want is your prediction of management opinions.

Oh yeah. From what I've seen, businesses are struggling right now. Most businesses are struggling, especially smaller businesses. But they're not struggling because they're having to work from home. They're struggling because of COVID.

No additional miscommunications and problems are happening because people are working from home. And so I think that commercial real estate is going to take a huge fucking hit after this because people are going to realize i'm wasting a bunch of overhead when i could you know maybe have a smaller office and people would come in and intermittently work when they need to and other than that stay home and so that's what i'm hoping kind of happens from this is that companies realize hey there's there's really no reason for people to come in. There's no reason for commute time. That's right.

Taylor's plan is to, because of this coronavirus, have everyone use different cubicles every day, right? Like it's sort of a, we could call it the viral plan, right? Today you use that cube, tomorrow I use that cube, the next day a third person uses that cube. That's our virus response so basically what it would be is instead of having a very large office with multiple conference rooms and things you would have maybe one office with a big conference room so that if you did need an

in-face thing you can go there it's going to be sanitized obviously but unless you need to use that for an in-person kind of meeting or something, you just do it on your computer. You just do it at home. And so it would be like a temporary workspace for just when people needed it. And even that, you could probably rent out a fucking Marriott lobby for cheaper than that. So yeah, commercial real estate is going to take a hit from this because tons of small businesses are realizing they can get everything they want done from home for less money. And when you're a small business every dollar matters you know you're not fucking j and j or procter and gamble or someone or monsanto where you can just fucking be like yeah that's a pretty good ad how much do you want to throw behind it 100 million not just

let's do 300 million let's just do who cares who cares dude you say one i say three it's all the same yeah that's kind of like a accounting error in monsanto here like the thing that i talked about is what cisco used to do right so some people had their dedicated cubes they'd use every day that's what i had other people would have temporary outfits so you'd go into work not knowing where you're going to sit and that cube would have the supplies you need your monitor your docking station your stapler your whatever and uh and you would just work there that day and then tomorrow you'd have a different spot there was just sort of like so you didn't really own a cube as much as you just use one

that day and you could also work from home so you could have 10 cubes serve 70 people and that was that was the way that they saved on real estate you see how it works now yeah yeah yeah well that that's smart yeah that makes a lot of sense but maybe not in the covid era right no not right now yeah so like that to me seems like a really good way to transmit a virus now yeah well i i'm sure people are gonna you know offices are gonna go back to normal for the most part but i really wish that a lot of companies start working from home i think it makes so much sense it makes so much sense you save so much fucking time even the amount you save in the meetings the amount you save in commute alone for so many people a lifestyle upgrade how long is your commute am i asking

is that something you're willing to say yeah well i mean it depends like where i'm going that day but like you know 15 to 30 minutes sometimes even more depending what's up what i have to do where i have to go that can be an hour of day you get back that's significant right like if if a third of your time is spent sleeping and a third of your time is spent working you only have eight hours of non-working time you change that to you know nine because you save an hour driving that's really significant like the second you push your chair away from your desk, your personal time begins. Like that's kind of nice. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And like I was maybe like Monday or whatever, someday this week or maybe last that I was, you know, got up. I'm still getting up normal time, like because I usually have calls in the morning time. And I was working on some stuff and it got to be like 2 PM and I was done with everything I had to get done that day. A hundred percent of it. I'd even done some extra and I was kind of just sitting here on my work computer being like, I'm done. All right, well, I'm going to go work out and then I'm going to play with my dogs.

I'm going to cook some dinner and I'm going to watch a movie or I'm going to do a little bit of yard work. Like it's you're right. It is. That's the best way to put it. An enormous lifestyle upgrade sucks not being able to go to the store or see my friends. But the working aspect of it, I could do this forever. It's great. Do you miss the social part of work?

Because there is a social component where you have work friends and guys you goof with there are people at work you know depending on my my people i work with closely would change all the time as my projects changed but sometimes i'd be like dude i kind of like going to see mike you know like i'm kind of looking forward to seeing mike today i like i enjoy his presence do you miss that yeah there there are bits of that that you miss it more than bits because it's like you develop relationships with people and it's like you you do want to see them every so often but uh zoom has fixed most of that every business in america is on zoom right now and it's you know kind of solves it in most ways it's just it's really shining a light on like oh we've just kind of been living in an anachronistic version of what the business world should be in 2020. We're living in 1987, that format where we should be in the 2020 format.

So when you do your Zoom meetings at work, are you there like you are right now with like $800 worth of audio equipment sounding like you're in a radio studio and everyone else is on like air buds and bullshit i was i was gonna do that i i did one call like that at the very beginning of the quarantine didn't consider the nonsense behind me and everything and i did have my professional mic set up meanwhile everybody else is like am i coming in am i coming in quick that kind of shit and then ever since then i've been like no nobody else even wears headphones i'm just going to put it out in my my dining room and have it face a wall with a mirror on it or something like and just use my laptop so yeah i have not been using this room anymore for that i like having so even when i play like call of Duty or whatever, this is the mic I speak into. And while I don't hear me,

I do have a certain confidence. Like I sound different than the rest of these plebs. You know, like I'm coming in through this voiceover people shit. That's one of the things... I feel like most of the people that I play with have this setup more or less. You know, they've all got headsets

and maybe not my mic and your your mic but like good my good mics you know they've got they got a 500 setup for the for their ears and mic or whatever yeah that's one of the key components components to whether i'm going to be playing video games with you on a regular basis or not it's like if you don't have a good microphone and if you don't stay near it, if you don't have a good microphone... And if you don't stay near it. Right? If you don't stay near it. Yeah. Yeah. If you let that thing get out here and you start

trying to... No, it's not going to work, dude. Come on. I will tell you, you want to feel like the most alpha talking guy ever? Join a Zoom meeting with a bunch of people who are using their built-in laptop mics and have this kind of setup. You can silence anyone with a bitchin' voice.

I'm speaking right now. Do you not hear? They're just coming in all tinny and shitty, and you can just fucking power through. I didn't do that, but you realize it. You trample on someone just a tiny bit and you just totally overwhelm them. Yeah, yeah. I just feel like my voice carries more authority because it's coming across good

audio gear. I think I could even like boost my bass if I want to. Which slider is it? I can too. I've turned that off actually. I used to boost the bass, but I think it makes you feel more macho, but it makes you sound muddier and less intelligible. Also, just having a boom mic, like an arm for it.

It sounds bad when you move that, Taylor. I think you might not know, but it's a bad thing that happens. Is it screechy? I think hearing the springs reverberate through the mic every time you move it. Does mine do it? That might be it. No. No, yours isn might be it. No. No, yours isn't doing it.

No. But Taylor's does it. I bet if I tap it. I will not. I did not know that. I will start. Yeah, no, I'll try. I don't know.

Yeah, it sounds like shit, Taylor. Taylor, audio asshole is apparently my role on the show. I'll never move the mic. Hang up on him. Get him out of here. All right, so we're searching for a new third I want Lefty's to it Lefty did have good audio for any falls he may have had

his audio setup was good that would be such a funny prank just next week show up and it's like well we had a big ass falling out Lefty's back Taylor wouldn't stop touching his boom he was touching his fucking mic at least three times one more time you're off the show bitch so i've got an ama question question for woody i remember years ago you were learning the guitar did you have a teacher or were you self-teaching? How long did you try learning for and how good did you get? I tried to learn the guitar.

I haven't talked about this, but I've had a lot of people ask, which is why I chose the question. I sucked. I was bad. And I tried hard. I feel like for the amount of work and effort and like discipline I applied to the guitar, most people would have had far better results than I did. Sometimes I'd even play all the right notes,

but it just didn't sound musical. It didn't replicate the song I was trying to do. Like the, I think there's an intrinsic sort of fiber, like when people are playing the guitar that they get right, that I didn't. One of the challenges I had that other people don't is I have this lame left hand like a nerve damage in it so I had to play left-handed and that meant that like even if I was using what

is it called the charts instead of reading music which I could do a little you had to look at like they'd show you which frets to press anyway um when i did that i had to reverse them all like mirror it in my head for a left-handed guitar left-handed guard they're not many songs are not available left-handed so you it's like a talent that you're supposed to develop and be able to mirror it that other people i guess do better than me and uh so some i sometimes i use left-handed guide, sometimes I didn't. And that just sort of added to the complication. He asked if I had a teacher.

I did. Actually, part of the reason I learned guitar was to play with hope. It was just like an activity we do in common, like as a good father type thing. That was part of the motivation. So we would go to the guitar instructor and we'd play together and learn together

and we'd practice at home. There are little guitar chairs. And it was a way to spend time with my daughter. She still plays actually and she plays a little ukulele and I hear her in there playing and singing in her room. But I don't anymore. I tried for, it must have been a good like year and a half, two years. And my progress was so demoralizing that it eventually got the best of me. So that's, I suck at guitar.

I don't know. I feel like it's a kind of intelligence, right? I've said this many times. Like some people have a natural affinity for like languages or math or music or logic or what have you. Some people have a sense of direction. There's many things that are types of intelligence.

And music intelligence, I guess, is one of my weaknesses. There you have it. Yeah. I've tried to learn guitar before. My fingers don't respond well. I have that stupid swan neck deformity thing where my fingers lock and pop and stuff and it's it makes uh makes hitting some of the chords really difficult for me yeah so i you know i don't know if i've

shown i'm going to show it right now i know i've shown it on my live stream all right here's my good hand right do you see my big hand like beefy sort of muscle in there and there's muscle next to here this is what a hand is supposed to look like here's my bad hand can you see that it's like there's no muscle there next to the pinky like if you were to compare the two one is like strong and the other is not um this hand has nerve damage which prevents me from being able to activate those muscles um i you know I can bring these fingers together. This hand, I literally don't have the nerve attenuation to make that happen. So that's why I couldn't work the frets with this hand. I would just work the pick.

I think it impacts my WASD a little bit too. Anyway, yeah, so I have one lame hand from a car accident when i was 17 and that was part of my challenge in playing guitar yeah yeah yeah that makes a lot of sense my dad's pretty good at guitar um must be he's always he learned when he was how he's getting that old gash on the reg i mean he's got he's got himself a little studio uh you know he's got like soundproofing on the walls and a couple amps and i don't know maybe four or five guitars on the wall nothing compared to what um pka trip with guest kyle's dad fucking i was gonna say iraq veteran

like i mentioned earlier he collects guitars he's got like this man not really a cave more of a man like i don't know it's it's elevators on the second floor of his of this garage and it's cool as shit he's got so many guitars on the walls it's it's it's a real sick room that he's got set up i think he just collects expensive guitars like because they all look nice a man layer man loft i don't know. A man lair sounds like where you rape men. Okay, that's not what I was going to say. A lair? No, not a lair.

If someone invites you to their lair, what is your response to that? I can't wait to see your lair. We're like, all right, I guess this chapstick will work as Vaseline. No, no. Christ. That's really good. Woo! That's really good.

One second here. I'm going to need to snap that off. Keep it going. Here, let me get you a bit. I just saw, I don't know where I refreshed my Twitter and I saw a Vice UK article. Why cum leaks out of your vagina after sex? Because someone came in it. Oh, gravity.

That's a whole article? It shouldn't though, right? Shouldn't it just stay in there and maximize chance of pregnancy like if we were evolved? That's why there are those positions that women are supposed to stay in when they're trying to conceive. Yes, quiet. Taylor You're supposed to be quiet. Which hole are you coming in Taylor? Because this might be why you have no babies. I heard that like what's that old

joke it's like I like my women like I like my coffee quiet that's a good one old oldie but a goodie I don't really want to read why come you've offended both of our female viewers sorry gals too bad about that Juliana I know one female viewer who is the girlfriend of Stubbsy who you've probably played with and

Anthony Krumia made a mention or maybe it was Hofstetter i forget like yeah you know that one girl that watches the show just because her boyfriend makes her yeah i know her yeah my girlfriend actually likes the show she kind of has to say that because i'm her boyfriend but yeah i bet you like a lot of her hobbies too guess again Guess again. She'll straight up say, she'll be like, I do this stuff with you. Why can't you just pay attention? Taylor just loves gardening. Can you believe it?

No. No. Don't buy it. I bet that starting up a garden sucks, but I bet it gets easier and easier after you start harvesting stuff you're like damn this is a delicious pepper way better than store-bought this is a great i've been thinking about doing it i don't know why woody doesn't because he's got the equipment on the other side

i feel like starting at like the part of a garden that would be fun to me is maybe like leveling a piece of land to make it really level maybe that's a thing that matters tilling the soil tilling the soil with some sort of heavy machinery where like work happens and then the other part where you just pull weeds out all the time is the least interesting thing i can think ah that's not a thing you if you're pulling weeds you've made a couple errors i'm getting i'm getting that could be true demolishing all that monsanto solved that for us. Thank you, Monsanto. This episode of PK is brought to you by Monsanto.

Don't give me cancer. We tried three times when I was growing up to make gardens, my dad and I. Every time there was an act of God type failure. One year, a whirlwind, you can't make this up a whirlwind came down

and flattened all the corn for the most freak thing you've ever seen in your life like a dust devil but like yeah yeah like but but serious enough to crush corn like it wasn't a twister. A whirlwind came down and crushed I don't know 250 corn stalks. Just smushed them flat like something out of a whirlwind. A whirlwind. A whirlwind.

Yes, a whirlwind. That sucks. Another year we were invaded by raccoons. If it had 250 corn it was a mini farm. whirlwind. That sucks. Another year, we were invaded by raccoons. How big were these gardens that they destroyed? If it had 250 corn, it was a mini farm. Yeah, really big. Because he's got a couple hundred acres there, and tractors, plows, and all that stuff.

So we plow out a spot that was like 150 feet long by like 40 feet wide. Did you put a fence around it it that's one of the things that electric fence yeah had to after the first year when the coons came and and made off with all the melons becky's gonna do a little mini garden type thing as a trial she wants to do an elevated garden like taylor didn't take the bait on that one and we're gonna put it inside the pool fence and if it goes because she's like all right well

here's what i want i want a garden on like stilts so i don't have to bend over to weed it and i want it to be inside a it's basically a greenhouse with no roof which i'm sure we'll get a roof eventually large enough to drive a tractor in and it's like i don't even know if you like this hobby like let's start slow so the starter way is to get um those potter things those like planters yeah planters actually arrived today that's how we're starting she's gonna have one or two like the one that's elevated off the ground yeah and you put your own soil and yeah it'll be like look into the potato planters. The potato planter has a door that you open on the side so you can harvest the potatoes and then just close it back and grow more potatoes because they're like a root vegetable. Right, right.

So you open a door that's on the side and there's just potatoes hanging there. That's the absolute cheapest version that you can get of it. It's like three bucks. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the absolute cheapest version that you can get of it it's like three yeah three bucks oh yeah yeah that's the that's the yeah that's the cheap one that's like a big bag but there's one that's hard like hard plastic with a swinging door it's pretty neat um i've only seen them online i've never experienced never used them or anything my dad grows tomatoes now and he puts them in those like lanterns if grew like that. Just like 70 tomatoes fell out of the side. Filling out. Fresh tomatoes are so fucking good.

That's like I have a memory in my head because my grandparents, they had a farm with a bunch of cattle and shit, and they had a garden that they tended, not a huge one, but just kind of for fun for them. And as a little kid, I just run out there, grab a fresh tomato off the vine and just eat it like an apple and it was so crisp and fresh and good oh i loved that good man try and do it with a store-bought one not no i do that i would like to grow peppers i would like

to grow uh like chili peppers let me show you what i'm doing right now we have a while he comes back we get um they're pretty close to fresh grown tomatoes. We get a little co-op farm or something that delivers tomatoes to the house and other vegetables. How do you make those? Do you ever slice? I've been doing this recently with Roma tomatoes. You halve them and then quarter them into long-way slices.

Then you put them all in a bowl with a drizzle of olive oil and salt and pepper. You mix it all up, obviously obviously and then you roast it for like 30 minutes fantastic cooking tomatoes isn't my cup of tea i i like fresh and and sort of firmer sometimes i'll have that in like some sort of chicken salad one of non sometimes i'll just do a tomato sandwich where i slice the i slice it up pepper and mayonnaise the salt pepper mayonnaise and uh i just i can't eat a sandwich

without meat on it no it's great tomato sandwich is amazing well pb and j all right i stand corrected but anyway let's see that hot sauce again yeah so i'm making hot sauce so what i'm doing is i'm fermenting the peppers so these ferment for a week uh or up to two weeks so what i've got in there i've got um, um, habaneros, jalapenos, poblanos, and banana peppers. Uh, cause I wanted like,

I don't know, variety, little variety. Uh, that's a habanero, that dark green. There's jalapeno. Do you just throw them in there raw or slicing first?

I sliced them up. I threw them in there and I added, uh, salt water. And there's, I think you do a one and a quarter teaspoons of sea salt per cup of water, if that matters. That's the ratio. And I threw in some cardamom pods and some black peppercorn.

And that's about it. And they'll sit in there for one to two weeks. I burp it every day because it's fermenting. And I'll get the gas out so this jar doesn't shatter. And then at the end of two weeks, once it's all fermented, I take the, I separate the brine from the peppers. I blend the peppers into like a puree. And then I add like, um, the brine plus some apple cider vinegar and any more seasonings that i want to add if i want to add some cumin or um i don't know any honey or anything else like that and i've got hot sauce

and it's fermented hot sauce that i can how much is that going to make like don't know probably not a jar that size full right oh probably not a jar that size maybe though because some of those peppers are so goddamn hot. Those habaneros especially. And those are like real jalapenos, not the bitch ones that most people get now. They breed jalapenos now, so a lot cooler than they used to be. They're supposed to be 5,000 to 7,000 Scoville units. You let the seeds in there, I hope.

That's where all the spicy goodness is. Yeah, I think you can maybe see some of that. A jalapeno without the seeds in it is depressing. Yeah, you see some seeds there. I didn't know until like last year that the seeds were the problem. I go to a Vietnam restaurant and get... How do you pronounce that? It's pho?

Pho. I think it is pho. They have peppers in there that they put. Those peppers are like not for white people. You know, tears coming down my eyes and stuff. And Taylor's like, you pop the middle out, it gets 80% better. Suddenly it's back in my territory.

I can handle it. See, no, I want the seeds in there. It's a little embarrassing. Like, you know, they give me, I don't know, 12 napkins. It's like, oh oh for what my nose is expelling we're gonna need 24 30 napkins here you guys keep that rolling in i can't i'm coughing uh like yeah i got the hiccups okay if you're coughing and the hiccups it's way too hot for you i've never been in a restaurant and eaten something i feel like everyone's watching

me and i'm a if i was like a four people that tabasco made me cough god that much vinegar hit in the back of your throat yeah sometimes i sit at this table and the table is for like 12 you know so they just put like sort of individuals there. So I'm not as alone as I wish I was, just having this near-death hot experience. Now I pop out the centers a little bit. Do you have a tender butthole? Because people will complain about spicy poops. And I thought that was, I think I've said it on the show,

I thought that was a meme for the longest time, because I eat incredibly hot food all the time, because I enjoy it, and it never hurts my ass. I don't understand the people who are like, like whenever I'm like, I'm like, Oh yeah, I had Taco Bell last night. Like, Oh, enjoy the awful diarrhea. And it's like, you, you get horrible diarrhea when you eat Taco Bell. Or like when I was talking about like all I ate and when I was in prison was chili, the whole, I guess it was diarrhea every day. Huh? Like every day huh no no it wasn't at all i can i can eat things like chili and and hot sauce without having butthole problems i don't know how you can have that much fiber and hold it in for so long i don't

know what was going on that's just i was like all fiber it was some kind of stress reaction i don't know i don't know what was going on it was just and when i finally did poop i don't remember it being extraordinary or anything like once i got out it's like maybe i was just absorbing a hundred percent of that chili like kim jong-un anthony kumia asked this question of you and i had the same thought process right so like me i hear this idea of going to prison and think like oh my god like what is that that's a whole different life it's foreign but when you're there you're like well i'm still me i just live here for a little while like did i'm not putting the question into words it just became your new normal for a while right or just a challenge yeah yeah i mean i just got into a routine like

i just my thing was i broke every day down to like what every hour needed to be filled with something because you don't ever want to just be sitting there staring at a fucking wall so i would try to find things to do now tv helped a lot because so so like if you can if you can go watch um like two and a Half Men, which is a show that I actually like, it was on every weekday for two hours, four episodes in a row on TBS, I think.

And me and Snow watched that every fucking day. So it's like, alright, from like 10am till noon, I know what I'm doing. I'm watching Two and a Half Men. But like, I would, you wake up at 5.30am, that's when half men. You wake up at 5.30 a.m. That's when the lights fucking turn on. 5.30 a.m.

It's not early for you anymore because there are no big nights. There's no point where you're like, yeah, had a ball last night until 9 p.m. when they turned all the lights off. Is that when they turn it off? Maybe 8.45 or 9.45.

I don't remember anymore, but it was one or the other. Is that bedtime? It was bedtime for me, but most of the guys, it was bedtime. And some of the guys would watch TV into the night. You could watch TV all night if you wanted to. You could just stay in the TV room watching TV. And some guys would, especially on some nights where a show

would come on at 10pm and everybody would be up to watch it or 9pm. There's a Kevin Costner TV show called Yellowstone or something like that. Then there's some other show called Queen of the South or something that are like cable channel. They're kind of like

tentpole series but on cable and uh and and those guys were really into those two two shows they'd never miss an episode of that there would literally be a posted on the tv reserving that tv for that show tonight like letting everybody know hey we're coming back at 9 p.m and we're gonna watch yellowstone or whatever the fuck that show was called so yeah there'd be people up all night but i didn't i did that literally three times where i stayed up really late watching tv or even past like lights out when like when the lights went out i was going to bed you know i sleep was the best way to kill time right you know so if i could go to sleep i wanted to sleep as much as possible. If I could sleep 10 hours a day,

that was perfect. If you could two month, two month coma, you might've picked it. I would have picked it. I absolutely would have picked it. Um, like, like on the weekends, on the weekends, you don't have to, uh, get, you don't have to make your bed or get out of your bed. So on weekdays beds gotta be made at like, I think it's like 10 a.m. or something like that. Oh, that's not that bad. And it has to stay made all day.

You can sleep in it still, but you got to be on top of the blanket. Oh, that sucks. That's fascism. Which I would do. I got a problem with that. But on weekends Did you cover yourself with anything? I had a sheet

So sometimes I cover myself with that sheet Sometimes that makes a big difference Yeah it would The guys that had been there a while had multiple blankets Because they had bribed somebody But I had one blanket But on weekends I would not get out of bed Until I really had to piss. Then I'd go piss,

and then I'd try to go back to sleep. Best case scenario, I can stay in bed until 2 p.m. in the afternoon, maybe 3 p.m. Were there other people employing this tactic or no, just you? I noticed that people would start employing it more when their time was getting short. I noticed that the people, people would start employing it more when their time was getting short. Like, like when they had like a week or two to go, they'd really start getting lazy and trying to get as much of that time gone as possible. Like, like I saw a couple of guys around me that, that did exactly that. But for me, I was short time anyway. So every day was that like, like people walk by like, man, you're going gonna get out of that bed i was like no no i'm i'm gonna sleep some more you're gonna you're gonna ruin your back like that don't care don't care no i'll only be here for another six weeks two months not two years

like i'm gonna sleep my way interesting health, though. I feel like they've seen it. Like, oh, I'm telling you. You know, we had this guy, whatever, Lewis in here, ruined his back sleeping too much. Man, if he keeps his asshole glued to that bed like that, we're never going to get him. It's like he knows. It's like he knows something's up. You think it's because my dick's out?

As he strokes it. As he's stroking it it's like he knows we're after him for the longest time don't get it hard at the very least don't have it hard when you show up man yeah i would do so so you know i i would wait i had a schedule you know i would do the same thing almost every single day wake up um go piss get my water jug full full. I had this enormous water thing that's like insulated. Fill that thing up with ice water and get dressed, go work out for an hour or two, shower. And then it was like read the book until reading got boring and then watch TV until somebody made me stop.

Like the guards would make you stop watching TV sometimes. A new guy came in like midway through my stay and was like cracking down on the TV watching because some of us didn't have jobs. So then I'd go hide in the library and read there because they never came and checked in the library. Could have been doing anything in there. Nobody would have known.

And just always try to find something to do. I stopped going to meals after like the first week i didn't go to breakfast lunch or dinner i just ate my chili i just i was so addicted to it i loved it so much i would dump so much fuck i went through three bottles of sriracha i was putting so much sriracha in that fucking chili i just wanted to just tears pouring blowing my nose it was the highlight of every day the highlight of every day It was the highlight of every day. The highlight of every day was the chili and sriracha. It was the highlight of every single day, was eating my little bag of 300 calories of chili

covered in sriracha. It was like, oh, it's sriracha time. So yeah, it was just about... One of the small things. It was just about killing as much, killing the time one way or another, making the hours pass faster than they normally would. Yeah, but that's

a short timer strategy right which is you were a short timer but you know yeah yeah some of the other guys like got jobs that was the way to pass like more than two months you know if you're doing a six months a year five years ten years seemed to be to get a job and if not two jobs like like one of the guys that i was friends with that that's what he told me. I was like, why do you have two jobs? He's like, Oh, I got three jobs.

He was, he was, I was like, that's what it takes to pull in a dollar 50 a day. He's like, just killing that time, man. Killing that time.

He would be, he worked in like the auto shop somewhere else. And then he did like leather working working which was like a hobby type thing you could do where you made shit out of leather like he could make belts and uh that's kind of cool yeah he made cool shit he made purses he made he literally made bootleg louis vuitton purses for his girl on the outside and would mail them out to her and they look legit how good were they at making sure he didn't take anything that could be an improvised weapon right because auto auto repair and leather work it seems like

you could get something out no they were there if somebody wanted a weapon they had a weapon um i mean there was just there was just stuff laying around that could be used as a weapon you know i mean like like it like a pencil pencil? Like steel spikes out in the yard. You know, weights. Like rebar. Chunks of rebar. That could be a good weapon right there. Yeah.

They had like rebar that they had driven through those wooden things to like separate the grass from the bushes or whatever. Landscaping wall of some sort. And I remember looking at that like, I guess they're not too tight on would-be weapons

here. I'm probably like anybody else. I was like, that's a weapon. That's a weapon too. Oh, this is a weapon yeah yeah so if somebody wanted a weapon they had a weapon but but the thing was everybody was happy to be where we were because they were literally getting stabbed to death at the medium security they didn't want to risk going to medium so they behaved right next door people are getting stabbed

you know and and you fuck up and that's where they send you they at first you're in the hole up there but if you fuck up enough then they'll they make a they bump you back up to medium security prison where people get stabbed and raped and killed over potato chips but they're really good potato chips they are i you should have eaten your whole shebang crumbs like i did because they're really good potato chips. They are. You should have eaten your whole shebang crumbs like I did because they're fantastic. I think I have tasted the crumbs, but I don't really remember anymore.

They had real potato chips in there. They had Doritos and Lay's. You say that as if those are superior potato chips. Doritos are not. Oh, I do not like Doritos. They're my favorite. You get too dirty. Your fingers get all... I like Doritos. I... Oh, I do not like Doritos. They're my favorite. You get too dirty. Your fingers get all...

I like Doritos. I had some last year. And the trouble... I like five Doritos. When you start eating too many, which I was on a drive, so I was eating too many, it makes me sick.

I felt bad. I like nipping in salsa. You've eaten so many lays that your tongue starts to burn, but you keep eating. It's like you've rubbed your tongue raw. With salt, yeah. And the best kind of Lay's, dill pickle.

I'm on that. Oh, dill pickle Lay's are so good. You're mistaken. It's all about salt and vinegar. You can't go wrong with original, but if you're going to go with a flavor, dill pickle. Salt and vinegar if it's not original. Yeah. Man up, Taylor.

You know what? I'm realizing I like every kind of chip. It's original. Man, chips are fucking tight, you know? I fucking love chips. You mean it's potatoes fried in oil with salt? What's not to love? I like original, and then salt and vinegar,

and then sour cream and onion, and then salt and vinegar and then sour cream and onion and then barbecue. And only then do we fall over to things like dill, pickle and ketchup flavored fucking Lay's. I'm talking about ketchup. And if we're just talking about the Lay's brand, because yeah, if we're talking about crunchers or some kettle cooked thing, I agree. Salt and vinegar is what I want with crunchers or some kettle cooked thing.

Cape Cod. Cape Cod are great one that I go with. Cape Cod are great. Those are the best. The Simply Salted and the Sea Salt and Vinegar on those are really good. But Lay's, original or dill pickle, they're so much better. There's not enough substance to the salt and vinegar Lay's. If you get Cape Cod salt and vinegar, get the small bag.

Every once in a while, I'll roll up at the quickie mark like some sort of hot shot you're like you know what working out all day today because it's like a paragliding acro day and uh i gotta get the big bags an endless amount like i got i got movie theater money here at the quickie mart it's a mistake no you want the little bag you want a water there are so many potato chips in that legit big bag because there's three sizes of bags there's like the kids lunchbox size that's the the grown man uh gonna snack out of these while he's on the construction uh yard size and then there's the family size we're gonna need one of those pinchy things to go on the top because no human being can finish all

this like an amish family yeah it's enormous i don't even know that size but yeah i like uh and like going back to my childhood the ruffles with uh with like uh french onion dip like or that um what is it uh sour cream and onion yeah that's how i don't even know if they're potato chips but pringles are good pringles are really fucking good i i like are there any potatoes used in the making of pringles yeah yeah yeah i thought it was like oh oh okay i don't know there's a corn in it for all i know it's like hardened lard or something fritos are corn chips i like fritos fritos are corn chips i like the barbecue frito For all I know, it's like hardened lard or something. They just made it and shipped it. Fritos are corn chips.

I like Fritos. Fritos are corn chips. I like the barbecue Fritos. You know, I'm with Taylor. I think all of these things are good. They're really fucking good. My mouth's watering. I just want a snack.

It's like we're talking about chocolate. I like cake. I like candy bars. You know what? You really can't go too wrong. It's like, what's your favorite candy bar? Well, I love Snickers. All right, well, fair.

I love Milky Way. Another winner. I don't like any of the candy bars that are just fluff. I don't like Milky Way or any of that shit. It's not a Nermousketeers. It's got some substance in there. It's got a little bit of nougat nougat a little bit of nougat get out of here nougat nougat was invented to cheat the the working man out of his full candy bar you know that right the mars company invented nougat all right and they went to hershey's and they said hey we've got some nougat here you could

make a cool thing hershey's bought it made the hey, we've got some nougat here. You could make a cool thing. Hershey's bought it and made the Milky Way. The whole selling point was like, look, this is how much chocolate it takes to make a Hershey's bar. This is how much chocolate it takes to make a Milky Way. You're pissing me off here. It's all air. It's all air in there. No, Snickers.

Snickers is the greatest candy bar there is. Snickers has nougat in it, doesn't it? Snickers has nougat plus peanuts, caramel, and chocolate. I like Snickers is the greatest candy bar there is. Snickers has nougat in it, doesn't it? Snickers has nougat plus peanuts, caramel, and chocolate. I like Snickers, too. I'm just fucking saying that Milky Way is nothing but nougat. That's bullshit. It's got caramel in it. It's got caramel and chocolate.

Caramel's just melted sugar. You're eating a candy bar. You got to add the sugar to a thing You gotta put some coconut Or some peanut butter You can't even take the sugar And throw it at it That is absolute nonsense

And you know it Absolutely not Milky Ways are just as good as Snickers Kit Kat is so much better than Milky Way It's not even funny I like Kit Kat more than Milky Way I agree with you Name a candy bar you don't like

More than a Milky Way It's the worst candy bar Three Musketeers Three Musketeers can eat's the worst candy bar. Three Musketeers. Three Musketeers can eat my ass. What's in a Three Musketeers? Isn't it also all flu? Sadness. Sadness.

It's full of bullshit. Almond Joy kills a... Almond Joy is good. I can't believe you guys aren't mentioning Mars. Mars Bar is just... I think a Mars Bar is also just caramel and floof. There's some sort of nut in there. The true king of candy bars is the Reese's Fast Break.

You get the chocolate. You get the peanut butter. Get your new fangled candy bar the fuck out of my house. We invented that shit in the 90s. Nobody cares about that. Please tell me about the nut. Look, if you're going to bring that up, then the Nutrageous kills the fast break.

It's like a better Snickers. It's like a better Snickers. It's a peanut butter Snickers. It's delicious. Oh, you know what's good? Not peanut butter M&M's, not peanut M&M's which are good, but almond M&M's. They have surpassed the peanut M&M's

with the almond M&M's. I haven't even tried those.M with the almond M&M. I haven't even tried those. I do like peanut M&M's, though. It's gotten better since then. Regular Reese's Cups. A Mars bar is chocolate and malt nougat topped with a layer of caramel and covered with milk chocolate. Wait, that's chocolate

twice. Okay, it's malt chocolate. Chocolate malt nougat. Okay, it's a fancier nougat. So it's nougat, caramel, and chocolate. Chocolate malt nougat. Okay, it's a fancier nougat. So it's nougat, caramel, and chocolate. Yeah, that sounds great. Embedded with Krispies. All right. I don't think I've ever had a Mars bar.

They're pretty good. I told my wife I like Mars bars in college. I used to find them on my motorcycle after class. Oh, that's sweet. That is really sweet. Yeah. I never get any fucking candy. If we're being serious on our comedy show.

Right. You guys weren't serious all this time. I don't know what this is. Number one. That's the trifecta. Every time you say something. My fingers don't do it. I need help.

You have to overlap your lower thumbs to make it work, I guess. Or maybe not. I got it, I think. Anyway. Who fucking meant? This is totally going to end up being a white power symbol or something like that, and we don't know it. God, I hope not. Illuminati, maybe?

You're pretty fucking stupid. Illuminati, I'm down with. If this is a well-known symbol, we're going to look like retards. But who cares? So, number one, Reese's peanut butter cup slash fast break. You can't go wrong with a peanut butter cup. I'm a huge fan.

You don't want the little tiny ones, though? I like the peanut butter to chocolate Reese's. Fuck you! I was about to say, false! No, the best Reese's are the little bitty tiny ones. L after L after L after L. You get the chocolate to peanut butter ratio is perfect. You get more chocolate per peanut butter. Those cups, those actual cups like the standard size, you get two in a little package.

Way too much peanut butter, not nearly enough chocolate. I like a little more peanut butter to my chocolate. I think I'm right on this one. The mini ones are perfect and it is about the ratio. And I'll take it a step further. You see the giant ones, the almost like... Surrounded by eating... Mocking ones?

Yes. You might think that those are Reese's Peanut Cup heaven of some sort, but they're not. Look at a jar of Jiffy. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Those ones take it too far. It's ridiculous. You're talking about a stomach ache.

Yeah. The smallest ones are outstanding. I do wish, though, that they didn't come individually wrapped. If they could somehow stop them from melting into each other, because that slows me down, and that's not what I'm looking for. You know they make itty-bitty ones at the movies that come in like

one of those little boxes that all the other shit comes in, and you can just like, those are good. Rack them into your mouth the way you describe them it seems like i'm gonna need eight or nine boxes you gotta eat three or four at a time at that point you just don't even care yourself some snow caps go along with it there's a double fist of candy into your mouth like a like a fat fox snow caps are a bit overrated um snow caps are absolutely overrated. Those suck compared to regular candy.

Like as far as movie candy goes. Gummy worms or something gummy is what I want. I like gummies a lot. I got gummy vitamins, and it's the highlight of my day. I'm taking way too many of my one-a-day men's gummies, and then I'm taking too many of my fiber gummies. Two's a serving serving so it's like huh

poor normal guy I want to be really healthy I need a little more iron today I think maybe a lot more genuinely dangerous to do that for movie snacks I really like I really like popcorn honestly if it's good

but I gotta it makes you so thirsty you're i'm drinking way too much of my soda and i'm getting fucking uh i'm gonna have to go piss which if we're talking general snacks then obviously snacks at the movies popcorn is king that's what i always get if i'm getting a snack but if it's candy alone miss me with your fucking snow caps i want some sort of gummy bear not sour patch kids though those are too sour i don't do well i like those no i like sour candies i loved warheads as a kid uh but at the movies i almost never get candy but if i do i get the butterfinger bites yeah i like buying my my nine dollar diet soda and my popcorn that's what you go with

i usually overpay for water. What is a Butterbine? I like Goobers. Butterfingers. Goobers and Raisinets are both good. Oh, Raisinets. Junior Mints. Those are among my favorites for movie snacks.

It's a Junior Mint. Yeah, I like Junior Mints. Yeah, I'm with you on that. Like chocolate-covered anything obviously is good. I like the chocolate-covered peanuts, the chocolate-covered raisins. Even more so, I like the chocolate covered peanuts the chocolate covered raisins even more so i like the yogurt covered raisins though those are my one of my favorites next and even better the yogurt covered pretzels i saw them when i was in line at the grocery store i was just oh they put them right up here those bastards i like sharing the popcorn

like i like popcorn but i also feel like i'm doing something with someone when we're sharing a popcorn yeah i i always buy my own popcorn and no i'm joking i'm joking yeah i buy the big one and then i i got some sort of i've got like a movie crown club card so like I get to refill the popcorn unlimited times when I'm there. How many times can you how much popcorn can you possibly eat?

Right. Well you pour it on the floor and get a fresh one. Right? That's not everyone. This popcorn is cold. I'm immediately dumping it into her purse and go back for more. You've got a hefty bag rigged up and you come out 30 pounds slender.

I like to say in my shirt. So there's a trail of kernels following you in your car. You can't prove anything! They're calling him the Popcorn Bandit. So he's stolen over $60 from AMC. Here's what the manager has to say.

Please, this isn't a big deal. Leave. Please. The slickest move I think I've ever made. I've talked about this before, though. We didn't have time for lunch, and we were going to watch a long-ass movie. I don't remember what it was. It was going to be like a two-hour, 45, three-hour long movie. And we were hungry. So a long ass movie. I don't remember what it was. It was going to be like a two hour, 45, three hour long movie.

And we were hungry. So we went to Chipotle and we got fucking chicken burritos, threw them in her purse, took them into the movies, and we had fucking burritos. That was the best thing ever. It's a food that you can actually eat at the movies

without a whole tray and everything. Like at one of those, what are they called? Dine-ins or whatever. Yeah, because like I've not I want to do that because that seems pretty cool to like get a full meal and everything and have the table in front of you. I like reclining though.

I like the ones where I can recline and if anything have that little airplane kind of table that you rotate in front of yourself. I'd like a bed. No, I'd fall asleep. It's so nice and relaxing. Oh, wait, you guys are staying awake all movie? Yeah. Woody's like, this is great.

Some people pay $80 an hour for a massage. I buy a movie ticket, and I'm rested as shit. I'm feeling good. 9.25, and I'm out of there. When's the last time you guys went to a movie? Because of the COVID, it's been a while. I definitely saw Endgame at the movie theater. That was it.

Yeah. Last time I went was Endgame. Oh, Joker. Joker would be the last time. I saw Joker at the movie theater. Oh, Joker. Yeah. Whichever one came out.

I think it was Joker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely saw Joker around the same time as Joker at the movie theater. I'm trying to remember what it was. I'm not sure which one was more recent yeah there's like a yeah joker joker was so good in theaters so fucking good i want to re-watch it i i only watched it once and i would love to watch it again yeah i've only seen it once i think i'm gonna watch it with my dad whenever i'm able to to lure him uh through the covid fog out here yeah I'm out there by myself on thinking that Joker was overrated. A lot of people think it was a

masterpiece. Not on that train. It was the best movie I've seen in a long time. I'll tell you what, 1917 is one you guys really need to see. Is that free yet? Is that free yet? Like on Netflix or

Prime or something let me check I know I've seen it, maybe it was for rent on Amazon, but the length of the movie deters me it's already 7pm or 8pm, do I want to watch a 3.5 hour movie? I'm not saying there's a PKA fan that runs the highest quality

Plex server I've ever seen in my life for free but if you needed his contact information highest quality Plex server I've ever seen in my life for free. But if you need it as contact information. What's Plex? It's like a way to share video. Well, I just rented it. Because I support the movie industry.

Nah, I don't fuck those fucking files. Well, in any't fuck those fucking pedophiles. Well, in any case, 1917, best movie I've seen in a very long time, I think. I don't know. I've seen a lot of good movies lately. 1917 and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood were both

fucking 9 out of 10s. 1917 was really fucking cool, though, because it's a war movie, it's a true story, and it's filmed in a very unique way to make it appear to be a one-shot film like like there are no fucking cuts it's so slick with the camera work they watch it does it have Robb Stark in it oh if it does I didn't recognize him Lieutenant Joseph Blake looks oh maybe he's right at the end maybe he's like a character that you a character that you see for like 10 minutes

at the very, very end of the movie. I must be thinking of a different movie about how long it is. This is only two hours long. Yeah, it's excellent. The two hours has gone quickly. Is it more action-y, like tons of action, or is it interspersed kind of like Saving Private Ryan? More like Saving Private Ryan.

Well, then that's a good weather van. The, uh, the, the premise of the film is that, um, you know, it's world war one.

So like they're still communicating by wire and, uh, the Germans have fallen back and the British are making a huge advance, but, uh, command has discovered that the Germans have only pulled back to draw the British in. It's a trap that they've been planning for like a year. And so they pick two soldiers to go warn this unit of 1,600 men, I believe,

that their attack that's happening tomorrow has to be called off because it's a huge trap. They've got aerial surveillance, like planes flying over. They can see the buzzsaw that the Brits are about to just charge headlong into. And so they pick a man whose brother is in that unit, and he picks his best friend to go with him. And so they are on foot, just the two two of them trying to travel a good distance like 20 miles you know i don't know something like that but across like world war one battlefields and in the woods and and all sorts of like stuff between them and where they've got to go and it's really fucking good um the the the action shots are incredible uh you gotta watch it then that sounds awesome yeah very very

there's some i don't know good it's a good movie world war one uh not not there's lots of good war movies out there but enough about world war ii enough about nazi movies there's so many other wars we could be doing shit on and it's the same thing it feels like eight out of ten times it's like who's the what are we doing this time well it's a world war ii movie come on come on like let's put this thing to the test is it as good as i say it like server does it have 1917 a movie that just came out last year it might in hd at twice the bit rate of netflix so do not share that with me having a 4k though it doesn't i don't give a fuck share it yeah yeah definitely taylor taylor it's worth your four dollars to watch this shit in 4k it It's $4 here, $4 there.

How many candy bars I can get for $4 to eat while I'm watching my free movie? Four candy bars. Maybe three. Or 400 pounds of popcorn. Or guess what? I can get 10 if I steal it. They're not going to chase me for candy. There you go.

Steal the movie and the candy. And then I'll sit here like a king eating my free candy watching my free movie. And I'm going to run into 7-Eleven and steal a bunch of lemonade and then run out in my own cup and just sit in there with your stolen candy

and your stolen movie coming through your 401k. They literally have free refills and Taylor's stealing it anyway. I'm taking a McDonald's cup, walking into a mobile on the run, going over to their fountain drink, filling up with a Diet Dr. Pepper or whatever. They're like, sir, you should use our cups. I'm like, oh, I know. Sir, you have to pay for that.

I know. I understand. I understand. I just walk right past him straight out the door. Sir, I hear you. You've got that backpack hydration rig. I've got a fucking camelback that I'm filling up

with Dr. Pepper. Sir, I'm making a suicide. I'm trying to enjoy free candy with my free movie. What are you going to do? Call the police and tell them I'm still in Four Cents of Soda? Shut the fuck up, bitch.

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the better, cheaper, faster choice. Yeah, it's five bucks. Uh, you go online, you answer a bunch of the questions that your doctor would ask you,

you know, do you have this medical and that medical? How's this? How's that? And, uh, if you are fit, then they send you the medicine, and you see what it's like to have a...

I'm on the $95 a month program. I get two huge envelopes of that stuff. Yeah, you see what it's like to be the best version of you. Yep, absolutely. It's very impressive. uh yeah you see what it's like to be uh the best version of you yep absolutely it's very impressive very very impressive results it's worth honestly like you should just try it so you know what's up with this i i i mean i i can't think of anything that's more of an instantaneous performance enhancer it's better than steroids. It's better than anything.

I don't think there's anything that you could take that gives you such an instant advantage at anything. I wonder what steroids... I'm moving off the topic now. How long does it take for steroids to work? If you did steroids and you looked at weight... What do you mean by work? I have visible muscle gains. Four to six weeks.

Four to six weeks? Four to six weeks? A month, month and a half. And you would be stronger. I don't want to be stronger. I can already lift shit. I want to be bigger. It would start lowering body fat and increasing muscle. And another thing is you'll be able to maintain musculature while on an extreme calorie deficit,

which is something that you normally cannot do. So look, if you cut down to 1,200 calories and you're cutting weight, then normally you lose quite a bit of muscle as well as fat. But if you're on enough testosterone, then you will maintain the muscle and only lose the fat. That sounds awesome. I would love that. Go to your doctor. I don't think they're going to give me tea. You don't look

very low-t, Taylor. Do you want a link? Yeah, I'll go to some shady doctor, sure. You don't even go. He's going to give you an online link. Oh, you don't even go. I think you might get a blood test. Oh, you don't even go. I can just get it. Am I going to get angry and weird? Oh, blood test.

Yeah. What if I get... What if it's so good that you're just like, God, I got to do this forever. I feel great. We're a different state. Hypothetically, I don't know. I'd be more in.

I think Joe Rogan was like... He's 50, right? Yeah. He's like, so what if it shortened my life by five percent like what does it matter i lived to 70 instead of 72 you know at least he gets to be buff in his 50s and 60s i don't believe it shortens your life um i think that's uh i think i think the whole thing about heart damage it doesn't oh heart damage yeah a trt uh dose isn't going to damage your heart it's those guys who are pushing their levels above 13 14 1500 milligrams of uh in their blood or whatever it's like the old legend rich piano right gigantic doses that is doing that to people more dates i do he's a bodybuilder was r. R.I.P. Yeah. He made a lot of YouTube videos too.

A lot of people who are jacked will be like, what? Steroids? No. I'm all natural. And it's like, really Mr. Mountain? You're all natural? He did not. Oh, well that guy's a freak. You don't want to look like that.

Well, he's been dead for a while because of heart problems from it. His arms didn't explode? He would say like, like oh yeah i'm on a ton of gear like yeah that was one of the that was kind of an interesting thing about him you know like he'd be he was really up front about the steroids he did and he maybe even like doses and like uh like he'd really talk about it whereas Whereas your average YouTube fitness model is out there like, no, this is just what God gifted me with when that wasn't the case.

Well, he lived to 46. He was shredded the whole time. All you got to do is go get a blood test and you can find out what your levels actually are. And if they are within a certain range, then most doctors will prescribe. What are signs of low T like being sad and not wanting to do things

low energy lots of things, depression, low energy lower libido should I lie about all that I mean no, the blood the blood will tell true but I'm still sad

give me more more juice like it'd be interesting to see what your testosterone levels are anyway you should go that's well phrased yeah because like to the eye test taylor's like thick beard and big muscles tell me high t like but i don't know blood tests yeah go get it checked i'll get mine checked if you do. I might do that. I got to do a bunch of stuff that lowers it beforehand, though. That would be alcohol and no sleep. I've heard the absolute best way is to pull an all-nighter before the test. Well, maybe you don't want that. For real.

Testosterone is no joke, right? Maybe go in and get an accurate test and uh you know if if 900 is the highest that normal guys have and that's what your target is you want to know that you're coming in at seven so when they dose you that's appropriate right like if you suppress it down to 300 and they get the dosage wrong like they don't actually want that so reduced sex drive no reduced erectile function no loss of body hair no i could use a little bit of that um lost beer growth no loss of lean muscle mass no feeling tired all the time no obesity i'm deaf i'm overweight so i'm in there um symptoms of depression no i don't think so

i don't think i'm depressed you have all the hallmarks of high tea and cheese it addiction i have a serious snacking problem like i oh i think you could do it online i've been very good about it because i'm fucking you know how you get to like a point with being overweight where you're just like you'll deal with it for a long time, you're like, whatever, whatever. And then you just get to a point where you're like, you know, I'm fucking tired of this. I'm way more comfortable when I'm fit and, you know, I've never been a thin guy, but when I'm feeling fit. And so, yeah, the last few days have been very, very good with diet and such.

There you go. A hundred bucks. I can do it. How does this test work? You have to go somewhere, right? Nope. How do I take my own blood? I'm pretty sure you don't.

Around 80%. Man, they should make the background of this website brighter. White's not doing it. I guess I can share this website. Testosterone blood test measures, Beau. Oh, is this... I could have sworn this was an at-home thing. Alcoholism and liver disease

lowers testosterone in men. These are causes. So you choose the test you want. Procrastinate cancer. Be sure to pick the lab you want to use. Pay by credit or PayPal. You pay directly. I'm pretty sure... Visit a lab. Yeah, you just drive up to one of those like LabCorp or two of them. Anyway, one of those like labs that draw your blood and test it.

Request, yeah. Androgen, steroids, that's in the list. Elevated prolactin, I don't know what that means. Elevated is LabCorp. Yeah, just get the LabCorp. It's $129. Interesting. I'm down.

I'm going to do more research into this first. For the same thing. No, no, no. Again, this is just testing our testosterone levels for fun. I'm not paying to get it tested unless I'm planning to start getting some more. I'm not paying $130 for fun. I just thought it would be a good gag. Oh, that might be a funny bit.

Okay. Well, we have to do... No, actually, that's like a terrible thing for your mental health. I was going to be like, all right, for the two weeks leading up to it, let's just be non-sleeping alcoholics. Three days in. I was going to go the opposite. I was going to like do some squats and eat a lot of beef.

Maybe some elk. See how high you can get it? Yeah! That would be fun. Do a few weeks of trying to get it as high as possible and then get a test. What do you do? Not beat off?

Work out a lot? You need to do the appropriate amount of beating off. Not too much. It's a Goldilocks zone. So then it's mostly just working out and exercise? Squats in particular are very good. I wouldn't say very good because you might think, oh, yeah, they're going to give me a 30% rise.

No, it's probably like a 3% rise or a 5% rise. But I know squats. Do you know why squatting in particular? I think it's because it's such a big chain muscle group. So then deadlifts too, probably. Yeah, probably so. Any of the big five compound lifts, for sure. Yeah, I've always heard squats in particular.

I don't know why. I'm not a science doctor, man. Science doctor, man. But yeah, y'all think about it. I think it'd be a fun bit. I'll absolutely go get mine tested yeah that might be a fun bit and hey if there's something wrong with it you'd find out real quick

I don't know when the last time you got some blood work done but I'd rather not know I feel pretty fine you know how it is maybe your version of fine is skewed maybe maybe I could be feeling even better if I got a testosterone

or something else what if you went and like this version of you is like 200 milligrams of testosterone right they're like alright ma'am I've got your results here oh oh sir

excuse me I'm sorry if that were the case. I saw Taylor and then I saw these results. If that's Taylor with 200, Taylor with 900 would be ridiculous. I would be an absolute monster if I was at 200 and got to go up to 900. I don't think that's realistic, but that would be a pleasant little surprise if it's like, damn, I could be be a pleasant little surprise if it's like, damn, I could be lifting a lot

more shit. I'd like to see who's got the highest numbers. Do you want to be stronger? Yeah, definitely. A little bit stronger, maybe. I guess I want functional strength that I would maybe employ. If I'm moving,

I'd like to be able to lift the heaviest thing I've had to lift would be my television it's like 120 pounds like my old school television it's 72 inches and it's awkward 120 pounds it's real weird to like and even though it's old like i paid like 35 3800 for it or something like that i don't want to drop that motherfucker yeah like even even though it's still 1080p i can put that up on a fucking wall and make it a monitor you know it still looks really nice for because it's so big and i was struggling with it last time i i it was so awkward to carry it would have been nicer to pick that bitch up.

But no, I would rather look... And we've talked about this before. It'd be better to look strong than be strong. But best to be both. Yeah. Ideally, you're both, but if it's A or B, you look strong. I'm with Kyle on this one.

The last heavy thing I had to work with was a PTO shaft shaft if you guys never work with farm equipment it's like a heavy pole but when you deal with it it's awkward i'm bending over under like it's almost like unwieldy yeah and like getting it to go on the uh the whatever you call that thing on the tractor it's it's come on it's really hard yeah but even though being stronger might have made that a little easier mostly i just move like a mouse and water bottles and shit i can handle that with ease yeah i mean there's nothing in my day-to-day life that i can't lift that i need to a couple gallons of milk at one time a couple a couple gallons of milk double fisting gallons of milk at one time. A couple gallons of milk. Double fisted gallons of milk. I need my 4,000 calories of dairy today, boys.

No, ours gets delivered in a cooler. So I'll carry like six gallons of milk in a cooler. And it's heavy-ish, but it's not a problem. But it is like, you know, it's not just the strength or the strong or the physique thing. Like I do not have the physique, but I have a decent amount of strength and not as much as a lot of our listeners. I know we're really into this shit,

but like, it's nice to see that little bit go up. Like when your bench goes up by five pounds and you like complete that five by five circuit of it, like you feel just feels really good because it's a tangible like boom i threw on different plates than i was doing previously and i fucking did it and i can't wait until i get the feeling again of putting even more weight on it's just it's it's it's just really satisfying yeah for me that's not that uh satisfying like i don't get a lot of

pleasure out of me i do like being able to lift myself a little more you know if i add some pull ups or push-ups or whatever like i feel good feel good about that. But mostly, I just wanted to add some muscle so I could add some metabolism so that I could eat the same amount and be less fat. What I've done is I've added some muscle, and that's where I, that stops. I haven't noticed any improvement anywhere else. Well, the metabolism's good. you know yeah muscle is good for that but like like i really like my goal right now i'm trying i want to be able to like really pump out 250 bench five by five like that's how close are you i can five reps of five yeah i can do 245 of that right now i mean five sets of five sets of five yeah five. Yeah. Jesus. I never do single reps. When you do your sets, you do the same weight every set?

Yeah. So like right now I'm at 245, so I'm getting close to my goal. I'm really excited about it. You could probably do it. I just very recently went up to 245 from 240, and so like it is still a struggle getting that up sometimes, especially depending on what I ate the day before. But like that 250 is just a round number it just feels i don't know i feel like it's gonna be very

very satisfying but yeah it's i do it five times and then by five i so so i do push-ups and pull-ups when i die in tarkov it's actually enough now that it's's part of my exercise routine. Two days ago, it was a rough night. It was rough. Every game, I think I died. And I don't know. We'll just call it like 120 push-ups and what is five times? Whatever. 60 pull-ups.

I don't know. That's a lot. It was a lot for me. And the next day, I did my first set. And I'm like, I hope I don't die a lot for me. And the next day, I did my first set, and I'm like, I hope I don't die a lot tonight because it's going to get embarrassing if I start failing on these. It actually went better.

I didn't have to do many, but maybe 60. Yeah, if I do any kind of exercise streaming, it wouldn't – I don't think it would be any kind of weight stuff. Like there's something cathartic about like that alone time for me. Maybe – I don't know if would be any kind of weight stuff like there's something cathartic about like that alone time for me maybe i don't know if you do it with colin so maybe a little different but like just being alone throwing something up on youtube just complete silence other than whatever you want to listen to i'm in my basement like like i i really decompress a lot in that time but because i'm a fat fuck right now i'm thinking a good little streaming exercise thing be might be like cool down biking for 45 minutes an hour or so on my magnetic bike like in front of

this might be boring as shit might not work right i know i will get ruthlessly mocked that's the part i like yeah i thought i had that same anticipation ruthlessly mocked patient ruthlessly mocked i don't know maybe you don't care i i mean it really i i am fat right now it doesn't hurt my feelings you're right you're you're stating fact but i feel like you shouldn't be ruthlessly mocked while you're on the stationary bike like it's motivation brother you should be immune from mocking while actually on a stationary bike. Not in my stream. I agree. I'm talking about the ideal world. Like, I don't know.

If I saw an actually heavy person on a stationary bike, I'd tip of the hat. Good on you. There was some new person in my stream today. I did a pre-PKA stream watching all the 40 minutes of the positive messages we received uncut for the 10 year anniversary. And there was someone new who was like, super happy to jump in for the first time here, Taylor, man, your chat's me.

I was like, well, welcome to the stream, buddy. You know, we're all just, we're all just memeing. We're just joking jokes among friends. Everybody's actually being nice. I play marbles on my stream, and I commentate the whole thing. I watched. You did a great job. So I have a good time. The people in the front just praise and adulation for how skilled you are at this game. If you don't know this game, you've probably seen marbles in a long sand path go down.

And it's kind of fun. You think the one in front is going to win. And then it bumps into an obstacle. And he gets passed. And I'll just like, Taylor's done a great job. Look at him effortlessly navigating the twisty loopholes or whatever the fuck I call them that time. And then the people in the back roast them. Roast them.

You know, your mom held you for nine months just to suck at marbles like this? Do your parents know this about you? It's not their fault. They can't play. They're just watching. They have no control, and it's a blast. I was doing that. I was trying to play.

I'm not saying that people who subscribe and donate get heavier marbles, but I'm not saying they don't. Anyway. I need to start doing that in my stream. Start doing some marbles i didn't even know you could play those games while you're doing i'm not a partner yet i applied for no you don't need to be i'm sure of it oh okay yeah you should get it when you apply for it because you can i should yeah people or something i think they want 100 yeah yeah i think they want

like 75 and like i'm a little like my monthly average is a little under 500 like ish like 450 to 500 little average and it's i just hope that they don't just don't watch the vod yeah yeah just look at the numbers and not the content mistakes they are mistakes and so you know Twitch isn't as authoritarian as people say, I don't think. They understand an honest mistake versus deliberately breaking terms of service.

They do. I got banned for a week. What is... Is that the Anita reference? Yeah. So they're sympathetic to her conditions. What's her name? Anita Sweet? I have no

idea. Anita Sweet. This is the girl with Tourette's that we're talking about. We talked about her on PKN. Oh, I thought you were talking about the titty girl. Find one that can't talk at all. Get her on the show. Today we've got a sign language expert and mute.

And we're going to go ahead and just get rid of that cam. Perfect! She's on the show now. Welcome to the show. We've got our guest, the perfect woman. Out of sight, out of mind. Now we have a strict rule here at BKA for women. Speak when spoken to now.

Laura Ingalls Wilder rules. Speak when spoken. You're not being spoken to. You're being spoken at. Yes. Laura Ingalls Wilder. Explain that reference to me, Taylor. Laura Ingalls Wilder. Yeah, Laura Ingalls Wilder, when spoken you're not being spoken to you're being spoken at yes laura ingler wilder explain that reference to me taylor ingles wilder yeah laura ingles wilder the little house in the prairie yeah little bits in there where like she would be a story about like her and i wanted to talk to pa

but he had the smiths over and he said now you speak when spoken to was she a child yeah she was a child yeah i read so many of those books as a kid i was reading something recently i have to pull it back up and i think it's gonna be my next conspiracy there is no fucking way that helen keller had any idea what was going on oh my god this is great. Please save it. This is so wonderful. That's going to be my next That bitch had no fucking clue what was going on. She absolutely did. Wow. You can't see. You can't speak.

You can't hear. You can't do anything. And you're just magically programmed through massage therapy. Have you never seen the movie therapy have you never seen the movie parents had money have you never seen the movie i don't give a fuck about the movie and i'm not letting that change my already established all you have is ignorance on the subject tell me the last time you looked into uh looked into her whole life and i watched the movie the miracle worker about the woman who taught her

sign language by holding her hand under water and then spelling in sign language in her hand, water. No. Until she understood it. And then they were able to formulate the response. Her going, because she was able to then sign back water to the woman when she touched water. And they moved that. They built that into a vocabulary and they built it to the point where she could have conversations by signing into her caregiver's hand. Most of her conversations, scratch that, 100% of her conversations were done through the same woman that were hired by her family. And they had enough money and they didn't want to believe that their daughter was just a fucking retard who couldn't do anything and so this caregiver's taking advantage of it it's a cash cow at the time dude don't get me

started on this taylor your take on helen keller is so wonderful i no longer have a conspiracy topic because you've raised the bar was a goddamn retard and I'm going to prove it mine's going to be that Charles Manson was a CIA asset so we can go ahead that's a real good I'm interested to hear what you have to say there's a whole book about it

it's very interesting stuff I will make you believe alright put that in my notes Helen Keller was retarded I'm gonna ask my Twitch stream to help me crowdsource an idea for this because the bar is high oh we're moving big time

from the Denver airport bros what'd you do last time Kyle? The Holocaust I can't come rolling in with a pedestrian topic when you guys are hitting hard. We need help. No, that bitch was retarded for sure, dude. So horrible. Gives a shit.

She didn't know what was going on. You got to watch The Miracle Worker before you can talk shit about that poor blind deaf woman. Oh, oh, do I have to watch The Miracle Worker? Do I have to watch a miracle worker? Do I have to watch a miracle worker? I can't see or feel or hear or speak. I have a manipulative handler who took advantage of me to make money, and my parents let him do it

because it made them feel better to think that their child wasn't a total retard. She's called the miracle worker. It's a movie? She's called the miracle worker. It's a movie. She's universally known as a wonderful human being. I don't care. It's a lie.

And history is founded on lies. Name a historical event and I'll tell you how wrong it is. The St. Louis blues winning the cup. That's the one exception. Abraham Lincoln was shot in the head. You wish. He's living in Argentina right now. According to the Whitest Kids You Know episode,

he was actually beaten in the ass with a hammer to death, and they had to conceal it because it was so humiliating. Calm down. Just calm down. Oh, you fucked up now. You have fucked up now. Now you have fucked up. Now you have fucked up. I was watching some of that on stream.

That shit holds up. It's so fucking good. There's nothing like it out there now. Reno 911 was kind of close but but it was different format entirely yeah it wasn't as much sketch it was like it was almost like a funnier version of what is it called mockumentary yeah yeah yeah kind of yeah yeah pretty much it was it was like cops but silly um it's it's back now by the way no lieutenant dangle and the gang is back lots of really good guest stars. They had Weird Al Yankovic

as Ted Nugent. But they've got lots of good guest stars. I haven't watched it yet. I'm going to wait until it's all out or whatever. There's no show with a funnier female cast than Reno 911. They're really good. All of those lady cops

are fucking hysterical. My favorite is Trudy or whatever like the skinny one who's like dating an actual serial killer and she doesn't realize it and their weird kinky sex life with all the leather and the dildos and stuff it's great

yeah that was a great show that was that was on for a while I feel like that was another show that had a while, I feel like. Yeah. That was another show that had a movie, and I watched it. It had a movie. It was okay. But it was more okay because I wanted to like it because I like the show so much, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Kind of like the Trailer Park Boys movies where eventually you just have to admit to yourself, this is awful. TV shows turning into movies. Oh, I disagree with that completely. I just feel like the Christmas special of Trailer Park Boys was awful. TV shows turning into movies. Oh, I disagree with that completely. I just feel like... The Christmas special of Trailer Park Boys was awful.

Which is slightly longer episodes. That's what they always are. TV shows that turn into movies. They're big episodes. Lots of stuff. There'll be an end goal. And they don't really fit into the canon of the continuity. They're just kind of this one-off

thing where there's got to be a bank robbery or a big heist or something. I love the Trailer Park Boys movies. Most of them. Maybe the Christmas special wasn't good. I don't even remember it, but I think almost everything Trailer Park Boys was gold.

Maybe, how many movies did they make? Maybe they had a good one the initial the first one at least four there were except watch the entire catalog obviously and yeah me too i maybe it's those other three that weighed me down on them but i don't think they were that great so there's trailer park boys trailer park boys uh christmas Special. They just keep naming them like the movie over and over it looks like. Countdown to Liquor Day. Say Goodnight to the Bad Guys.

Don't Legalize It. Yeah, I don't know. There were several. But in any case, i love that shit uh the some of the netflix stuff is garbage there's one season with like a big lesbian who kind of takes over and i hated that season because it was like they just beat the shit out of that that woman that's what the trailer park boys would do they would have no qualms about beating a woman no of course not especially not a big butch one who's like bullying everybody

literally with a baseball bat. Regis, Ricky, I don't think you should fucking kill her. Fuck it, Bob. She was a cunt. She was coming at me with all these fucking words, you know, and I just fucking hated it.

You beat her like she was a Sam Squanch. She was a Sam Squanch. Ricky, you used my favorite cat. That's one of my favorite episodes when Julian's hurt his back, so he's like limping around, wrapped up in like a duvet, like outside, and Ricky

and Bubbles have been watching like a Sasquatch documentary, but in separate locations. And they're talking over a radio, I think, like walkie-talkies. He's like, oh, the Sam Squanch is outside my shed. And Ricky comes over with a bat and beats the shit out of Julian. And then Bubbles comes out and they just beat the shit out of him because they think he's a Sam Squanch. He's a fucking Sam Squanch outside my shed, Ricky. Yeah, exactly.

I almost got to meet him one time. It was so lame that I didn't. Bubbles, the actor who plays him? Yeah. I thought he was retarded at first. I bet it got exhausting wearing those glasses. Yeah, those are real. Those hurt his eyes.

Yeah, I know that for sure. Mo knows him. Mo from New York. They had box tickets for, I don't know, the Giants or something like that. And I was supposed to go up there and get to meet Bubbles. And something came up. I had to do a thing. That was lame. I really get to meet Bubbles. And something came up. I had to do a thing. It was lame.

I really wanted to meet Bubbles. I want to say that the deal was like Bubbles was going to be there and so was like Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. But the first thing he said was like, he's like, Steven Tyler's going to be in our box. And I was like, okay. And the guy who plays Bubbles, you know him? He's a good friend of mine i was like

bubbles is gonna be good fuck arrow smith i i watched a youtube video tyler's not there i don't give a shit there's a guy who can i ask you about one and he bites the pizza and he reviews the pizza right there on the street so he goes out there and he's with like i don't know robert downey jr and the guy that plays Hawkeye and him. And a random person from New York is like, oh my God. Oh my God. You're the pizza reviewer? Yeah.

He's A-list Hollywood stars. We're just like, oh yeah, Thor, Thor, right? Who's the tiny black comedian? Kevin Hart. You see the one he did with Kevin Hart? No. So he's doing a one-by-piece review of Kevin Hart, and this crazy Chinese man comes up

and starts, like, jibber-jabbering and, like, literally crazed gibberish and, like, coming at Kevin Hart. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And, like, not really threatening, but way too close to Kevin Hart, like all up in his face. And two of the biggest fucking security guards I've ever seen in my life came out of the restaurant. They were behind them, like looking through the glass, trying to stay out of the camera, but vigilant.

And they ushered that motherfucker off. And Kevin Hart went like, yes, my security right there. They on top of shit. We never saw that Chinese guy again. He's yeah, that's my security right there. They on top of shit. We never saw that Chinese guy again. He's dead. He's gone. Thank God. I mean, well, he probably wouldn't have hurt him or anything.

Yeah, probably not. I don't know. It could have been another Cat Williams scenario. You ever see Cat Williams get his ass kicked by that 13-year-old? Yes. We watched that on the show. It was hilarious. That's why you gotta have security. You get your ass embarrassed on TMZ. 4'10". Yeah, Cat Williams. You can't be getting your You get your ass embarrassed on TMZ. 4'10". Yeah. You can't be getting your ass whipped by a child on TMZ. He's not a fighter.

He's a tiny little fella. He's a black leprechaun. Mm-hmm. Someone at my door. I think someone... Oh. He can't. Rap, rap, rapping at my door. Question mainly for Kyle and Woody. Tis the just to win nothing more if you could choose from any fighter that has ever professionally fought what would your dream ufc main event be oh i'd want to see

gsp versus anderson silva and they're probably good one yeah yeah yeah mine was um sakuraba versus hicks and gracie it's an old school reference yeah but gracie's are this family of fighters they kind of they literally did create the ufc and found it and they had gracie won three tournaments i think the first three uh this is a which gracie was it not orion, not Hickson, whatever. I forget his name, the small one. But they were like these legends, these super fighters, the Gracies. It's a proud family name. And Sakuraba became the Gracie killer, right?

He beat three Gracies. Didn't lose to any of them. But Hickson Gracie, he's the mythical one. He's the guy that supposedly had 400 wins and zero losses. He didn't fight the Gracie killer. And if I could make it happen, I'd put those two together and see if the Gracie

killer could beat the best Gracie. 35 Danny DeVito's versus I'd also like to see Chuck Liddell in his prime versus John Jones maybe. Something like that. I'd like to see Chuck Liddell in his prime versus Jon Jones, maybe. Something like that.

I'd like to see it, but I don't see Chuck winning that. I feel like Jon Jones is the best 205er we've had so far. But Chuck in his prime could just take so much punishment and deliver so much more. I don't know. One thing Jon doesn't do well is get smashed i mean like he got outboxed by uh by butterball for the maybe the first some of the first round of that fight daniel cormier yeah yeah that's true actually boxing is good it really is pretty legit yeah weird for a wrestler but yeah but he's not as versatile as Jones.

Nobody is. If you put Daniel Cormier's skill set in Jones' body, he might be the best. I think Cormier's got better hands. But I think the way that... Jon Jones just has physical talents that nobody else has. It's his build.

And then his ability to exploit that length, that range. There's chicken legs. I see the dude fucking dead lifting i don't know 600 pounds or something like that like like they may look like chicken legs but they're they're powerful i don't know he's getting that strength from somewhere true and um from a needle but yeah uh I mean, I'm not guessing. He got caught twice. I'm pretty sure that's not true. Alright, let's not do this again. Jesus Christ.

But yeah. Yeah. I'd like to see that fight, but my money would be on Jones. Yeah, I think my money would be on Jones, but I'd still like to see it. I think if they do it 10 times, the Iceman might win too.

Okay. I think if he ever gets inside and touches Jones, that could be lights out. But yeah, that would be a good one. Prime Silva versus Jon Jones would be interesting too. Anderson Silva versus John Jones.

That was a rumored super fight at one point. At the time, they never let champions leave their own weight class. Jones is too big for Silva. Silva had a lot of wins at 205. He didn't seem small. He always seemed to fight like... I would say Silva, based on his victories at 205,

would be a legit number five or six. Someone who would be... It wouldn't be inappropriate for him to have a title fight. I think Adesanya is going to get his fucking shit pushed in if he ever tries to step up to Jon Jones at 205. I want to see them next to each other. I want to see that. They're both very tall, so it'd be interesting,

but I just think Jones has a lot more power built in. He's got an extra 20 pounds on him. Yeah, I'm not good at judging. They always say Adesanya is this next-level striker, way better than anybody else in the UFC. His striking is so amazing. I feel like I'm not qualified. I can see it seems to be effective, I guess,

but what makes his striking so much better and more accurate? I haven't seen it. I don't like him, and I don't think he's that good. I get he's the fucking world champion. I get it. But I want to see him fight somebody that, I don't know. Who do you want him to beat? He beat the previous world champion.

He beat Yoel Romero. The Costa's like the only guy left, and his division seems cleaned out. I want to see him fight Costa, I guess. But I don't think Costa's a good test for him. He needs to fight somebody with fucking cardio. Who was his next fight? I can't think of who it is.

In any case. The big strong guy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm familiar yeah if he beats costa i think he fights john jones we'll see i i think john i think jones beats him uh i don't understand i thought he uh yoel could have beaten him i felt like if yoel had just and that bought people don't know that was barely a fight uh they were both super defensive and there weren't that many strikes. What was I going to say? Oh, and Jones has fallen off.

His wrestling's gone. He hasn't done that in years now. And he has had two wins that most people thought were losses, but the judges had him as wins and that's what counts. So he's not fighting prime Jon Jones. It appears we're on the second half of that.

I thought his last fight was likely a loss. The one before it I thought was close, but I thought Jones won, especially considering that Santos, I believe it was. Like two broken ACLs or something like that. Yeah. If the fight ends and one of the guys is literally crippled, I have a hard time giving it to the other one because it's not even like Jones hit him once right at the end,

and now this guy's hurt. It's like Jones, while fighting Jones, he lost two ACLs or something, tore them, or MCLs or whatever. Two of his knees are fucked once severely. Yeah, but if I break my hand hitting you, you're not that impressive. I break my knee kicking you congratulations kind of i well he throws that kick you know right above the knee that that compounded it you know he's throwing that continuously i would be so afraid to fight him because of that yeah like

that's the scariest thing he throws besides the eye pokes the eye pokes are a problem anyway I don't want to dwell on UFC too long but I've we're four hours in I'm a big boy I do what I want this is our dessert we gave you meat and potatoes there was a side salad at the beginning we had a couple bottles

of wine we'll just have a little little cheesecake now little cheesecake well I liked when we were fighting about candy. That was my favorite part. Taylor's just like, I don't know, all the response. Like, that's just melted sugar. We're talking about candy bars.

That's not a good comeback. I'm talking about candy. But anyway, we'll leave the candy I just want a big bowl of caramel give me that sometimes I just go to the store and buy sugar eat it with a spoon you wouldn't believe it

that's funny give me pounds of the stuff just eating sugar plain I've never done it but i've been tempted to eat butter plain like i i there's um there was a guy on my cruise i've mentioned him before he's dead now his name was dick he's the like 100 millionaire who did made a phone book empire anyway the guy was really big and he was on a, he rode around on a little rascal kind of scooter.

He was so big. Oh my. And I saw him straight up eat butter, and now that's... In what way? Describe this. We were at a table with 12 people seated there. Seated?

Anyway, seated there. And he cut off what I'll describe as half of an inch of a stick of butter. Popped in his mouth? Yeah, maybe cut that in half once he was by him and made two bites out of it. They're just like, you straight up eat butter? That is so funny. My younger brother did that when we were little. He would get in trouble

From my mom because he would go in there and peel A little butter stick, take a big bite of it and put it back So I could eat a whole stick of butter That's an episode of Malcolm in the Middle So we ate the whole fucking stick of butter Sure it's delicious But I don't know There's some food I just turn my nose up at

As I'm too good for I bet it's not delicious Butter is good on things I bet it's not delicious. Like butter is good on things. It tastes like, I like to make compound butters for, for steaks. So, you know,

you, you mix stuff in there, herbs or, or garlic or whatever. Yeah. Like, you know, mint,

some garlic, put it in there and maybe a little lime juice, the butter, maybe some rosemary and some time. Yeah. You get it all room temperature, stir it all together. So maybe some salt and pepper too. Then you put it in saran wrap and sort of roll it up like a sausage

so you've got this cylinder of butter you refrigerate that until it's nice and hard and then you can cut these coins of this delicious flavored butter and you can put it on a steak right right as soon as it's off the grill but you sent us a photo of some butter you made in the last month or two for your steak that's been a long time ago a few months ago geez yeah it's been months and months ago yeah i made some it was like it was like garlic rosemary butter or something like that today i did uh uh steelhead trout and i uh i put you make it i actually did a aluminum foil bake this time. I took, um, I took that, uh,

olive oil, um, spread stuff I've got. That's like 50 calories. It's like half the calories of, uh, butter. And I mixed it with lemon juice,

minced garlic, salt, pepper, and, uh, dill. And, uh,

and I, I, I put a little bit of that on top of the piece of trout, put that aluminum foil, like rolled it up and made like a pocket out of it and put it in the oven for 17 minutes at 375 degrees and it came out perfect it's incredibly good so fucking good how big a piece of you said it was steelhead yeah like five six ounces oh okay are you following recipes for this or are you just kind of whatever i try to find some guidelines

and then i just do everything else myself like like knowing the temperature and the time is kind of important i don't want to goof around with that because fish is 12 a pound but yeah really advanced they move away from recipes right like you start off following instructions and then you move past that maybe yeah there's guidelines really you know like only with baking do you have to follow a recipe because you're actually doing some like chemical reactions like if you don't put enough baking soda in there or enough uh baking powder or the right amount of water to flour or salt or whatever it just won't work you're kind of doing chemistry when you're baking but with something like what i just described like if you're kind of doing chemistry when you're baking but with something like what i just described like

if you're like steaming asparagus like put all of it put it put in some olive oil or don't put in some red pepper flake or don't put in some salt and pepper or don't well there's no way to fuck up steaming is it like is it hot and soft yet the asparagus then it is done yeah and say you can buy steamer bags did you get the sous vide uh i haven't bought it yet i i will buy you know what i'm pulling the trigger on this you're gonna love the sous vide man i promise you and if you it's a little pricier because you got you got to kind of almost double the price i think it's 60 more dollars to get the vacuum sealer but the vacuum sealer will you have or does it not matter the it doesn't matter um i i got the cheapest sous vide because i don't need all that functionality between my phone and an app i just

like i'm with set a temperature and and leave it there and two hundred dollars yeah right bitch yeah i can i'll find the exact vacuum sealer i got because i want to say i spent sixty dollars on it but the thing is, if you ever buy a three-pack of boneless, skinless chicken breasts and you end up having to throw one of them away because you eat two and the other one sits in there all week, that'll never happen again because you vacuum seal it

and you throw it in the freezer and it's good for months. Oh, are you just meaning like a normal vacuum sealer? Like for any kind of food? This isn't some sous vide specific thing? Because I have a vacuum sealer. Is for any kind of food this isn't some sous vide specific thing because i have a vacuum sealer yeah is it called the redmond sous vide machine it's 59.99 that'll do i think i've got a cisno i'm getting it i think i've got a cisno but but yeah any vacuum sealer um i know one click hell yeah swipe to place my order.

May 8th, I will be the proud owner of the sous vide. Jesus, that's a long time. Well, shoot. Amazon is so slow right now. Well, understandably so. I was looking. I didn't realize that I still had some very old clippers. I think I'm going to cut my hair myself on stream.

That seems like it'd be funny. I'll probably fuck it up and look awful, but who cares? clippers i think i'm gonna cut my hair myself on stream that seems like it'd be funny i'll probably fuck it up and look awful but who cares and i went on amazon just looking up clippers just hair cutting clippers it's a high demand item and it will not be available for a month go to walmart dude brave brave the storm well of course well i found some in my bathroom but it was go get a haircut and wear a mask you know it was more surprising to be like holy shit it's a month like almost a month that's insane um but but yeah i use the uh the vacuum sealer is awesome the vacuum sealer i have i got i got bags for it that it's it's a roll of bags so they're sealed our bags yeah so so i didn't get

a bag i got a roll of material so it's like uh like a roll of saran wrap or anything else it's sealed on the on the sides but not on the front or back so you seal the leading edge and you get a seal there and then it comes this little razor blade thing so you cut it off at the length you want it. So you never waste any of the bag, put your food in and then seal the other end. And you've got like an infinite bag. Like you could make it six feet, a six foot long bag, or you can make a six inch bag.

It's a, it's, it's really nice. All right. Just bought some of those. There we go. Yeah. Those are sweet.

50, no, 30 bags. Cause you can, I mean, you can do sides in the sous vide. You can do like mashed potatoes you can do in there. You just dice up the potatoes like one inch,

add like whatever you like in your mashed potatoes, like butter, cream, garlic, salt, pepper. You can do asparagus. You can do eggs in there. You can do boiled eggs in there. You can do fish, but it kind of falls apart. Yeah, I wouldn't imagine fish does very well in that it does great but if you were going to like make cold salmon or uh for like a salad and like and you're going to shred it up anyway or you're

going to make salmon salad which is where you know you mix it with like mayo and relish or something or onion then it doesn't matter but if you want like a presentable, nice little, I like a filet of fish when I'm eating it. And like, if I threw in like tilapia or some kind of white fish in there, it's going to become just flaky nonsense. Yeah. It melts away.

It'll fall apart when you're getting it out of the bag, but chicken and steak and pork, especially like pork chops are incredible out of there. Everything is, I've never had anything out of my sous vide that I didn't fucking love. I'm excited to give it a go. This is going to be so tight. Yeah, let me know when you get it and what you're going to cook.

That's a good idea, Taylor. Or something else that'll make you fatter. You can do some really healthy stuff, right? You can take boneless skinless chicken. Try a boneless skinless chicken breast with nothing on it. No, I will. I'm on a good little streak right now. I'll stick to healthy with it. Salt and pepper on a boneless skinless chicken breast with nothing on it. No, I will. I'm on a good little streak right now.

I'll stick healthy with it. Salt and pepper on a boneless, skinless chicken breast, and you throw it in there, and it cooks in its own juices. You've actually got a teaspoon, a couple teaspoons of this fatty, delicious, buttery sauce you can pour on top of it.

You get somewhat of a gravy. Yeah, it makes its own pan sauce to some degree. A little cornmeal in there. Make pour on top of it so you get like somewhat of a gravy yeah it makes its own pan sauce to it to some degree a little little corn cornmeal in there make a gravy out of it if you wanted to if you wanted to yeah yeah or not cornmeal but cornstarch cornstarch my bad yeah don't put cornmeal well maybe you want a little fancy chicken cornbread yeah i love my sous vide it's it's my favorite kitchen gadget. It's the one I use the most. I've got a bunch of kitchen gadgets,

but the Instant Pot is like a rice cooker for me. My mandolin is just a... I almost never use my mandolin. Oh, the Instant Pot works great. My girlfriend made ramen out of it, like shredded chicken and peppers and a bunch of vegetables and a bunch of curry spices and shit

and ramen in the Instant Pot. And it was fantastic. You know what? As soon as we're done here, I'm going to go warm some of that up. That sounds fucking good. I'm super hungry. I've got a ton of options in there.

I've got more of that trout. I bought a pound of trout today, so I got another filet of trout I. I've got more of that trout. I bought a pound of trout today, so I've got another fillet of trout I could cook up. I love that trout. Trout and salmon. Those are my two favorite fishes. I can eat any kind of meat at all. Alright, that's the end of the show.

Do we have any? I've got to eat. I've got to go lunch on something. No. Alright, PKN 489.