Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #491

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

In this week's PKA, our psychotic, hilarious, great pal, Danny Mullen has returned. Thank god, he shares some incriminating tales of his time in college involving his relationship with fraternities and also about his Edward Fortyhands experience & the story behind that YouTube video production. Lotta great content and of course you've got to check out Taylor's new "haircut", it's the talk of the town and in certain dive bars, you'll love it.  

pka 491 one of our favorites danny mullen kyle a couple of sponsors tonight humble bundle square space and smart mouth we'll get a little later on the show of course but yeah our good friend danny mullen is back on the show what's going on man honored i'm ready to go this is my first full four-hour marathon got the peppered beef jerky sparkling water and of course something to dump out and then urinate in. Nice. Something to dump out. Yeah, but I'm living the poor man plastic route. I don't have the glass

bottle. You need it. I'm getting those phytoestrogens turning me into a big-titted bitch. You know what comes out of plastic? I don't know. That sounds like something that would. My name. Denoestrogen, phytoestrogen. I've heard those words.

Those are words. Are they words that Alex Jones says? I'm pretty sure they're real words. What would that bottle do to a frog? They don't make it. Him after did it. Yeah, is what it'll do. But real quick, Danny, thank you so much. You haven't been on the show since we had the

fucking 10-year anniversary thank you thing, and you made a video. I did. Very kind of you. You said the blues sucked, but I forgive you. It was kind. I thought that was the funniest part, and you were stone-faced when I said it, and I was real upset. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction. We've got a Stanley Cup now. I don't need

to deal with that shit. I don't care if you count this year. Two Stanley Cups if you count this year. I go off the last half season of performance. The Blues suck. I stand by it. Even less accurate. What are they like? He doesn't know.

He's not a hockey fan. I don't know anything about it. I'm trying to stir the pot here. I know one thing about hockey and it's that the Blues suck. I have been Twitch streaming a lot during quarantine by the way anybody out there uh taylor murka on twitch tons of fun twitch streams all the time now so come hang out uh people always like if i'm doing like a just chatting watching videos or something recently i've been playing grand theft auto 5 which fucking rocks that game i've never played

before that game is so much fun i'll get back to that but i people were asking for funny videos and stuff and i was asking them and so many people were like danny mullen danny mullen danny mullen freed the slaves danny mullen danny watch a danny mullen video and i was like all right we'll watch a danny mullen video all the other videos i'm being very very careful like i don't want to any no no words for twitch and just watching your content on the stream is just, what's he going to say? What's he going to do? And one of them, you just were dropping, as it has to be said on Twitch, F slurs.

You were throwing those around like hotcakes until even the chat was like, you should probably not watch Danny videos anymore. And I was like, all right, stop the stream, delete the VOD. Thanks a lot, Danny. Well, let's be honest, Taylor. I hate gay people. Well, you know, in here I was thinking it was tongue in cheek.

Yeah. You thought wrong. No, you're referring to the Edward Forty Hands video. I was quite intoxicated. We had some gay dudes playing with us. It wasn't personal, but sometimes the more taboo words just start coming out when you've drank two 40s of Stink Tide. You're only homophobic when you've drank two fours of snake eye you're only

homophobic when you drink we understand yeah well and the way that you let into the the you know edward 40 hands thing is you know what if you don't know that game you tape a 40 to your hands both hands and you can't do anything until you drink both of them so like you have to have somebody else undo your zipper so you can pee unless you can hold 80 ounces of malt liquor in your body which is a feat i would imagine not gonna happen and as you're like getting taped up with this like high what's it called high gravity whatever that means yeah high gravity means it's like high alcohol and you were getting taped up with it and you're like this is gonna be fun dude probably not a good thing i haven't drank in like a month but it's okay like i'm gonna i'm

gonna power through this one. So you're just no tolerance. Four months. And what we did is I'm sure Taylor would see. We put all the 40s in a bin. I bought them from the local 7-Eleven. They were assorted anywhere from Bud Light, which alcohol content wise is about a 4%, up to St. Ives, which is 8.3%.

Too much. I had the luck of drawing two saint eyes which is double what most other people were playing with at the end of the night i crawled up onto a construction site tower i i had to take this out of the video the footage was so gnarly i pissed on a guy's mini cooper and at some point during the urination i accidentally leaned against it and it started free rolling down the hill and the owner by some act of god happened to be walking his dog and had to pursue his vehicle get in put it in drive and get it out of the the slide down the hill my favorite part about that video is how it almost seamlessly goes from being silly and pranks to just committing crimes.

We're going to be silly and play with 40 hands. And by the end, you're like, I'm going to trespass in this corporate construction site. Yeah, there was a fight, which I'm glad I had the common sense to not fight back during some hipster guy. I told him I was in the Bloods street gang and he came at me grabbed my glasses off and tried to fight me so when he heard it's scary blood he wanted to fight more yeah not very i don't think he believed him would he i'm not getting those vibes from danny either oh no but i would think you'd be pretty formidable with a 40 in each hand they were gone by that point kyle but yes typically yeah you don't want to fight a guy who's got a 40 taped to each hand they were gone by that point kyle but yes typically yeah you don't want to fight a guy who's got a 40 taped to each hand you know yeah i agree man if you have a black friend you're

immune from accusations that you are racist i feel like the fact that danny has shared a vagina two penises and one vagina makes him immune from f slur criticism right he's got the pass because that's gay i agree i don't think youtube or twitch are gonna see it that way no i've touched another dick that way if you go i love how it is i'm sorry if you go penis penis you gotta pass i love how dr chiz or whoever puts out your clips. They did the research on my channel to go find a video with Adam Fu, the guy who was in it. And they used his actual face in the thumbnail.

So this guy who's a real estate dude has no association with YouTube is now floating around the Internet with his face attached to a devil's threesome clip. I'm sure he appreciates that. Yeah. You know, it adds a little spice to his life. A little fun thing to explain to his wife. So I was Googling you to, you know, check out some of your listings and this came up.

And I just want to let you know, my wife and I are down. Taylor, so I watched your live streamed haircut. First of all, outstanding content. Second, Taylor, so I watched your live streamed haircut. Oh. First of all, outstanding content. Second, when I left you, the haircut just needed a little touch up in the back, maybe a little fade work.

And it was right on its way to being a nice haircut. What happened after I left? Okay. nice haircut what happened after i left okay well it i will say i was doing some some head placements during that stream that really made it was the best my head could have looked as i was cutting it like i was like staying angled because if i stayed looking like this like this is my hair was longer at the time i i had buzzed the sides danny and then the top was a little longer i was i was grabbing them taking my scissors and snip snip snipping cutting my own hair wow yeah yeah it

didn't look good though and um and by the end of it like i i finished the stream i walk out and i go to the bathroom and i just started laughing at myself in the bathroom because it was like i i had cut my sides up so high that it was just like a mushroom top on the on the top of my head like a big portobello there was a mushroom cap in the haircut where it was going nicely like you had the sides cut and a good little fade and then you decided to do more and more and more until you were on your way to a Mohawk. That was not my fault. The reason that happened is because the guard on this doesn't stay stuck. And so I completed the path around my head. And then as I was tightening up again, trying to get rid of the stragglers, it slipped into a lower setting and I had to redo the entire thing lower.

You do take some responsibility for even starting the haircut with a $3.99 beard trimmer in the first place. I blame that on my girlfriend for not buying me the clippers that I wanted. It had pictures of people's beards on the side of the box. It's this wide.

What's her reaction to the haircut, right? Did you trim it more off stream or did you just keep going on stream? No, I kept doing it on stream. All I did off stream was like I went and I found some clippers that I had, but the only guard I had was a number four. And so all I did was just whole skull and number four and left it at that. I figured that's going to be the easiest way to recover from this. So like in a month when I get a real haircut. But you know what I think I'm going to be the easiest way to recover from this. So like in a month when I get a real haircut. But you know what I think I'm going to do?

Like the really short hair on the sides, like a high and tight thing. I'd never really considered it, but that's going to buy me like an extra 7-10 days between every haircut if I go real short. Seems like a good idea. How frugal are you? I don't like getting my haircut. I hate sitting still for that.

Me too. Now, Taylor, I noticed your widow's peak points to your right eye, left of the screen. I noticed that that too is that a haircut thing or does your widow's peak just have a preference it's another thing i haven't straightened out yet i'm just kind of i'm just there yeah this is a little bit longer there but that's okay whatever it's great look it's content it went great had like a thousand people at one point in there watching me make an ass of myself with Clippers. So lots of fun. Taylor Merck on Twitch.

Pop by, gentlemen. Link below. Haircuts and more. Haircuts? That's all that my streams are now. It's just a nail clipping stream. I want to see a beard cutting stream. Yeah, that might be good.

The amount of hair, though, that got all over my office is just... It was annoying. And the water. You didn't prepare for the hair? I did. I put a tarp down, but a lot of it missed. Yeah. But it's okay.

You know, first time for everything. Next time there's a global pandemic and I have to cut my own hair on stream i'll know well the birds will come in they'll take it for their nests and stuff so it'll be fine yeah yeah you being so frugal about haircuts taylor how much do they cost for you live no like i said it's not the it's not the money it's i really i don't like the errand of having to go and sit down and get my hair cut i don't like it and who's your hairstylist? Because those conversations can be brutal. They're horrible. I talked about it this years ago

that I hate the conversation so much that for the last couple of years, actually, I didn't talk about this. I keep my eyes closed to the entire haircut until they ask me how it's going. And I just make an excuse like, oh, last pair of contacts. Can't risk it

also quiet quiet i just keep my eyes closed the whole time the only time i open my eyes and i did mention this on the show i think we had like philly d on the show like four years ago you know when they put your head in that basin yes and they wash your hair that's the i do like keeping my eyes open during that and looking at them him like making eye contact while they're washing my hair there's something about that that just as i'm walking back to my car afterward it just gives me a little titter that's funny danny just goes in danny just goes in he goes ah i lost it when when they start putting the hair in and give you that scalp massage i just mow a little bit i like to let them know they're doing a good job.

Kyle, you saw my, is this water or semen joke coming from a mile away? Is that what you're referring to? I will say about hairstylists. I'm sorry then. Hairstylists is the one profession where just the craziest bitch cutting your hair, the better.

What other job attorney doctor do you want a girl with purple hair and a clothing pinned through her lip but hairstylist it works out astrologer works out he's a two artist 35 ish maybe and uh because they i don't know maybe 10 hours a day they work. They watch sports the whole time. They're an expert on every sport. We talk about UFC and NBA the whole time. I like my dude now. I used to have this thing where I'd go in. I'd say, short in the top, keep it long enough to comb.

Buzz the sides with the two. Point me at the TV. Faster is better. Right? That was like my autistic haircut experience. And they'd just be like, all right. They'd point him at the TV. They'd buzz it in a hurry. They'd get me out of there.

You know what else works? I don't like sitting there. They'd say, how's your day going? You'd just go, gay? Now my dude's awesome. We talk the whole time. I get my haircut with my son at the same time. What do you ask for? Me?

They say, hey, what do you want? Same as last time time and they know that in the summer i like a two on the side in the winter a little longer or three keep the top long enough to comb now during the pandemic i've had the top go even longer i'm working my way to be like more plates more dates you know just just jimmy neutron in the front and that might be the the cut that i evolved into have you ever have you ever like gone in with a picture of what you'd like? No.

Yeah, they're like, you're not even black. We can't do this. Danny just goes in with surveillance footage from Columbine. I do not resemble Dylan or Eric, sir. I'm stuck between the Dylan or the Eric. Do we need to pull the photo up? You go in a leather trench coat a duster getting a what was it a dylan klebold haircut what i really want to do for a video idea and i swear i'm going to make this happen i want to hang out outside a paul mccartney concert with a trench coat carrying around a copy of the catcher in the

rye oh god does everybody get that yeah who's the guy who assassinated john lennon what's his name he was like i don't know what his name is but he was the guy that said he was motivated by catcher in the rye right he loved catcher in the rye he bought like three copies three individual copies before he killed him how much of a fucking retard do you have to be to buy multiple copies of the same book well he wanted to support the author he's like challenger There we go. Mark David Chapman. That sounds like a Christian R&B singer.

Mark David Chapman. Probably not this one. No, not this one. This one was a murderer. Danny, how's your quarantine going? All assassins get three names. Are you in California? Yoko Ono murdered that guy long before Mark David got to him.

Are you in California, Danny Mullen? Is that right? Yes, sir. los angeles how's your quarantine you'd staying inside i'm not obeying it uh-huh i'm not obeying it actually i did a video called kissing girls in las vegas during coronavirus during the most serious week of this whole thing how did that that was another funny video i I liked that. It was good, man. It got taken down for copyright, but I have an attorney fighting back. I don't know if you saw, Taylor.

There was a lesbian woman who I made out with that lesbian woman's wife, and she was the one who sent out the copyright complaint and got the video taken down. That's not copyright. You can't copyright another bitch's pussy let me set this up for a second we went to a little town called prim prim is the first legal gambling city on the way to vegas it is literally feet over the las vegas or excuse me over the nevada california border there are two casinos they're the worst casinos you can find in Nevada. And I wanted to explore to see what the residents of this little shit town were like. I met a hip hop artist, African-American lesbian named Hollywood, California with a K. I tried to make out with her, which is a little douchey, but it's it's clickbaity and it would be good given the coronavirus and me throwing caution to the wind.

but it's clickbaity, and it would be good given the coronavirus and me throwing caution to the wind. She says, no, get out of my face. Nobody's going to kiss your ass during this outbreak. Well, fast forward about 30 minutes. I stumble upon her wife, make out with her, and then post the video up. All my fans immediately find Hollywood California's Instagram. Danny Mullen made out with your fucking wife. What do you got to say?

And then on top of this, I found one of Hollywood California's hip hop songs. It was called Pull Up, and it was all about beating the shit out of a fool who disrespects your woman. And so I overlaid these clips of me just sucking Hollywood California's

wife's face while she was talking about beating me up in her copyright claim then no she did but I got the attorney on it he's a smart guy and I'm counting on her if she lives in prim not being able to defend herself adequately and also like you should say this woman you were making out with not conventionally attractive. She weighed about 230 pounds is what Taylor's getting at. She was a girthy woman.

Let me set up this question. Yeah. Now, if I owned a steakhouse, right, and that was my thing, I had a steakhouse, and I saw you go to another steakhouse, I'd be like, Danny, you don't like my steakhouse? Where's your sense of loyalty? On the other hand, if I saw you go to Chick-fil-A, I'd think, oh, well, he was in the mood for Chick-fil-A today. Yes, sir. With that in mind, if your girl hooks up with another girl, I don't feel like she's cheated on me in the same way. Look, that's not what I offer. Clearly you wanted Chick-fil-A today. Is anyone else on this team?

No, and I don't think that you are either. It's definitely still cheating. I don't think you are on the same page. I think... If the delivery lady comes over, UPS, attractive lady in her late 30s, and Jackie just leans in, gives her a smooch, and then she just walks in with a pack.

For the purposes of this show, we invite her into the bedroom. Oh, okay. Let's get us a discount. Can we get free delivery? What the fuck? My shit's updating. Can you guys still hear me? You sound great.

You're still all good for us. Okay, great. Well, I can't see you, but I'll be able to get back in a second. Woody, I totally agree with you that if my girlfriend gets hammered and makes out with a girl, I have almost no issue with it. But I think with lesbians, they understand it's more of a tenuous contract because lesbians tend to be a little flimsy and a little flip floppy in their choice for the vagina they don't commit to the bit do they right if they're gonna be lesbians they're just infrequently lesbians they're back and forth i'm watching 60 days in and they call it gay for the stay like they're gay while they're here but then i wonder if some guys i wonder if

some guys get like fucked hard in prison and then they come back out and they're like well I guess this is just kind of the path I gotta stay on I can't I mean if they enjoy it I suppose I feel like the guys who are getting fucked probably aren't enjoying it that much or maybe I know I hated it

maybe they go back to girls that like Peggy the hardest seats there too. It was like the second or third worst thing about jail. Right behind the fucking food apparently. Food was great. Yeah, food's great. Wait, but the homemade, you like the

was it chili or salsa? It's chili, right? It's chili. I like the prison chili that came in the packages that I bought at a commissary. But the meals that they prepared were just like the was it chili or salsa it's chili chili i like the prison chili that came in the packages that i bought at a commissary but the meals that they prepared were just fine they were just like i didn't want them i didn't want to i didn't want to get dressed and go to the the chow hall because it when i'm in the dorm i can wear sweats i can wear like sweatpants and a t-shirt but if i go to the chow hall i've got to put on like my greens as they called them which is like worker clothes like that thick denim dyed green with like a button up like like two

shirts on and like heavy pants and i gotta put my boots on and i didn't want to do it and the line's crazy and it's not you know i didn't want that food i just wanted to eat my chili oh do you have to pay for it the commissary or the no the no it's free oh it's child the the child food is uh is free can you get seconds um you can barter with other inmates for seconds and occasionally you could like like it's prisoners serving the food like there's no lunch lady it's it's lunch inmates so you can be like yo man keep the vegetables give me an extra like roll and they'll do stuff like that but they're not gonna like pile it on high or anything they'll give you less for sure if you're like hey i don't want that gravy they'll they'll not do it

or whatever but no they're not gonna be like man i'm starving double potatoes please no you're gonna have to go barter with another uh inmate for that uh it i'd be the most popular lunch lady in prison you want double potatoes here's triple knock yourself out it doesn't cost me a dime maybe now you know you fuck me more gently just just hoping you're giving them more fucking just getting them sick so they're not even horny just oh i'm just i'm just so full oh thank god another day serving up gravy i'm hoping we have lube yeah another evening my o-ring stays intact so i was just looking at uh some some corona thing so how long do we have until there's just a huge depression in the country? Because the amount of unemployment claims is like...

Are we talking about an economic decision or a mental health decision? No, economically. It seems like there's so many people filing for unemployment. I know there's a lag time between that and when shit gets real. But this is going to be rough, right? Real fucking bad. I'm with you. I don't know what the right path is

i'm uh i'm more in the position of just criticizing whatever path we do take uh but i don't know what the right path is and i it's it's like all these unemployment is it 20 does that sound right 14 points if not it's like getting there it's approaching it's crazy something outrageously high. Is 20% what defines a depression, or does that have to do with how fast they're shrinking? I thought it was 30. I forget how they define a depression. It's like 30 million people, I think, have applied. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm not sure. Go ahead, Woody. But economically, we're getting roasted. And I don't know. Like, Trump says, hey, when we open open this up again there's a pent-up demand and this thing's gonna springboard back you might be right the other thought process is people don't have any money uh we're not springboarding back there's unemployment and

the whole economy is shrinking and that it's not gonna we're not just gonna pick up from where we left off i don't know where we're headed but it's 24.9 to answer your previous question i literally googled depression unemployment rate and 24.9 popped up is that the current or what defines it i believe the way i googled it was what defines it oh okay okay and that's percentage you're saying kyle yeah as far as it would be on a percentage basis because obviously if the population is higher or lower, you know. As far as total number of people, it says total unemployment claims over the past eight weeks is 36.5 million. Yeah. And there's like almost 200 million of us.

Obviously not even working. I can see you guys again. I'm sorry. I wasn't able to see you for the last five minutes. It's all good. We look the same. Yeah. And I will say about uh depression that may be coming up also the companies that have their employees working from home the productivity from those employees is probably dropped to about 20 of their usual output i steam my room what's that taylor no no i want to

hear about your roommate uh your roommate has a traditional job? Yeah, my roommates, one of them works at a tech company. The other one is assistant to a big star, actually, who has his own company. And they roll out of bed 9, 10 a.m. at the earliest, usually a little bit later on the weekends. They're smoking joints on the couch at noon. They're drinking beers come 4 p.m. There's not as much discipline as I think goes on in the office. You might be surprised how little work I got done in the office sometimes. Right?

Like, yeah, that's my eight hour day. I think that 90 minutes, two hours were good, productive. And being in the office, like you're right woody sometimes you're just sitting there and like you'll bust ass for like two or three hours and you'll be like huh well it's 1 p.m and i'm kind of done i'm more just waiting on correspondence from people and you know for them to fulfill their obligations before i can move on to whatever next step of project i'm working on okay well i guess i'll yeah sit here or find something else to keep myself occupied go at the office i'd catch up on my you know correspondences and study our emails or whatever

i'd stop listening to voicemail because fuck people who leave them um yes yeah i don't know if you have the seniority for that yet but i would just let the world don't care i'm on board oh did you leave me a voicemail? Yeah, that's not my preferred communication method. Yeah, but what I mean by that is fuck off until you write me in the way that I prefer to be communicated to. So anyway,

I'd catch up on that sort of stuff and it'd just be like, wow, it's like 11.30 and I haven't really done work yet but, you know, it's almost lunchtime we'll do that but after lunch i'm buckling down days would go like that people listening to this work like an idea like yeah yeah sometimes that's what the scoop is were you just saying you don't like when people leave you voicemails

does your phone do the thing where it turns voicemails into text messages? It does, but unreliably. Mine is 95% accurate, and you can fill in the blanks. You might be better at filling in blanks than me. That's an aspect of me that drives my wife crazy. But yeah, mostly I just, that's not how I like doing it.

That's not how I like doing it. That's not how I like doing it. Okay, fair enough. So for Danny's thing, saying that, so your roommate's working, sorry if I'm mixing it up, you said tech they're in? Yes, pretty much. One's a personal assistant and one's in tech, right? Is that right? Yeah, but he's not the traditional personal assistant where he's following a guy around with a clipboard. He works in an office on online stuff. Okay. around with a clipboard he works in an office on online stuff okay but they're enjoying like

you know 12 45 lunch beers and and shit like that yeah i might have been exaggerating a touch but this is what has certainly gone down from their regular lives i can say that so i'm sure that doesn't describe taylor at all but hypothetically taylor like are you finding that it only takes four hours to get an O day of work done? It totally depends on the day, you know, like, uh, and how many calls and meetings I'm on that day. Like, like tomorrow, I'm fucking swamped. I have so much shit I have to get done all day. I'll be busy longer than I would if I had to go into an office somewhere,

probably. Uh, but like on average, like I, it's not that I'm working less. It's that it's more efficient. And so instead of having a three hour meeting in person where people are having, you know, side conversations and going on down, you know, rabbit trails, it's like, bing, bang, boom, you do this. Get me that. Here's this. Here's that. All right. Oh, we're done in 27 minutes everybody you know and then because you get off so much earlier you can just kind of do your own thing for a while like i'm able to work out so much earlier now there are some days where like i've been i'll finish a call

at like noon or something maybe and i'll be like you know what i'm bringing my my work laptop downstairs my my my phone and everything and i'll like do some work in between you know squatting or in between benching sets or something and it's nice like you feel like you're being so efficient where it's like oh bang out that email real quick oh and i'm still getting my workout done right in the midst of it i hope i would love it if this never ended and i could just stay here forever and never ever ever leave this house. No, I'm kidding. I would want to leave still. But being able to work from home is so sick. My stress is plummeting as far as work-related stuff goes because I feel like I'm flush with time.

Even getting rid of the commutes that I have to do, like to different places, wherever it is that day. It's just, it's wonderful. It's wonderful. You get more sleep. You feel healthier. Your eating is on a better, more regimented schedule when you're in control. it's just it's wonderful it's wonderful you get you get more sleep you feel healthier your eating is on a better more regimented schedule when you're in control when you're not in control like i was for probably the first four or five weeks of this quarantine it's just snackery 24

7 just oh man you know what would be good with this email fucking jesus it's cakes cakes and cookies and jesus and you know gusher oh gushers that does sound good those are the two most powerful choices of candy nothing tops them and they're both third grade staples dude cisco had working from home as an option like you could work from home any day you wanted all five days if you wanted since like 1999 like this life that everyone's just seeing now was my life at cisco twitter said nobody has to come back to work ever yeah that's not now they say going forward if you prefer working from home forever yeah oh i you said twitter said that i thought you you were meaning like some random guy was like works over forever folks!

I didn't realize you were talking about the company. No, the company Twitter. Twitter, yeah. That does make more sense. Then some guy screaming into the abyss about working from home for eternity. I think that's one of the changes i think that there'll be a

a company like postmates for example will probably lose a little business once people get out more because the restaurant experience offers something but they'll be higher than they were pre-pandemic forever yeah a lot of people have accounts now yeah yeah yeah they made those accounts and now they're they're good to go and the longer you go without using them the more they start like text messaging like hey hey it's been a while you want uh ten dollars free on your next order and you're like well i'm losing money if i don't you need you need your fix you need your fix of wontons, bitch. I got you. Yeah. Is that what they say in the text messages? It is. Pretty much.

Word for word. Yeah, I am. My county opened up again, but my state still has some restrictions left. But I guess, in general, the country is starting to open. Well, we defeated the virus in Georgia, clearly, because everything's been open since the first of the month. That's how that works. I wonder if Georgia numbers are going to get rough in a couple weeks. Of course they are.

Just wait till the holiday season when everybody's hitting the mall. Ooh, that's a good point. Yeah, this shit's going to get real again. Wait till Black Friday. The fact that it's been, what, two months like going on i'll probably be home for weeks more than this like it doesn't even feel like this year is really happening like maybe i'm different because i'm so like i know kyle and woody like you guys are you know semi-retired you same old sitting out at home like it's just same old same old for you guys but like for me

it's like like i don't feel like the year is even – it feels like everything is on pause. It does not feel like the middle of fucking May right now. I'll tell you what. I went for a drive the other day, and it was the first time in a long time. I literally just went out to drive. I just made a giant circle around the entire city, and I felt like my car needed to be ran. It didn't seem healthy for the car to

just be sitting there for months without we drove yesterday for that reason carry on and it was like it was it was like 20 as cool as it was when i stepped out of prison like i was like like when i stepped out of prison i was just giddy i was just like i'm in that parking lot and kitty pulls up in a car and she's got like a real soda and and i'm just like whoo you know what to go for on the inside she gives me my cell phone i'm like that's eight hundred dollars in there that's how you talk after you got a present for two months i just talk like this now. Fucking stoop that. It's creepy. But just driving around, I was just like, oh, man, this is nice.

It's nice to roll the windows down, and then I quickly rolled them up because I thought better of it. I didn't want the corona to swoop in. I see people driving their cars with masks on, and I don't get it. That, to me, makes no fucking sense. If that germ gets in there on the highway, it deserves to get you yeah it's like it's ivan ooze or something like like swimming into my car it's it's osmosis jonesing its way in the car they're not it's one guy driving his car with a fucking

surgical mask on and i'm just looking at him in traffic like what are you doing what are you doing dumbo that's like eating ass with a dental dam yes it is get in there pussies get in there pussy you should if you don't know what she ate after you're done then you haven't done shit amen brother literally when i went to take my last uh drug test like like the door is locked to the facility i've got a knock and they they open the door's locked to the facility. I've got to knock. And they open the door up. And she's like, put on a mask and use the hand sanitizer. I'm like, fuck, y'all got a new regimen, huh?

I'm like, which way does this mask go? Because it was a type of mask I'd never seen before. Open your face, sir. She's like, it don't matter. Just fucking threw that thing on. And I was so happy to be done with those drug tests. I'm done now. It's all over. But you's great at risk for being called or so just it's the schedule if

they want to they can test me but there's no more schedule there's no more um like like that's all over because obviously before i called in every day and found out whether i did or not that's all over and halfway through the probation which is creeping up now, right? Like six months in-ish? More than that. When did I get out of prison? Was it in October or November? It's been like seven months, eight months maybe.

Yeah, it was right before my first appearance. Probably November, December, January, February, March, April, May. We're seven months in, so like five more months or so, something like that. I don't know if it's from the time I was sentenced and went on probation, because that's even further back. seven months in, so like five more months or so, something like that. I don't know if it's from the time I was sentenced and went on probation, because that's even further back. Or if it's the time

when I got out of prison and went on probation. I think it's that. I think it's the day I got out of prison is when it starts. I disagree. Because you were kind of on probation before the prison. Time served. I hear you. If I made the rules, you'd be done. Well, if you made the rules, things would be a lot better. I made the rules you'd be done well if you made the rules

things would be a lot better for i made the rules you wouldn't we're never gone you know like police would have would have opened that package for you and they've been like you know what you're you're a pretty cool guy can i smoke some of this this smells strong as fuck now sir mr myers i don't want to be forward but i'd love to come over and watch the bulldogs with you and get blitzed and it's like well you're love to come over and watch the Bulldogs with you and get blitzed. It's like, well, you're welcome to come over. Mr. Myers, you know, if you ship this across international or state boundaries, you have to share, right? That's the law.

What is the law? Let's fire it up, boys. Let's go. We are in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant, which is where I was arrested. It's right next to the fucking post office. That's where we got to be in custody. Maybe it's not 2020, but 2024, it's got to get legal federally, right? I feel like you're ticking so fast towards that.

Biden and Trump will not do it so so no i don't think so you got you're gonna wait at least another five six years yeah i i'm with kyle on this biden and trump don't seem interested in the pot changing at all i think it's more likely that trump legalizes it than biden really you might right. I don't hold to this firmly, but I had this scenario where Obama voted. I'm sorry. Obama was on. He wasn't really for gay marriage. He wasn't.

Then during his term, he's like, you know what? Changing this around. Now I'm pro-gay marriage. And that was the thing that he was in favor of. I could see Biden getting in line with his party more so than Trump bucking his party. They just put something in front of him, tell him to sign it. He'll think it's the fucking Pizza Hut order. Yeah.

You wanted stuffed crust, Joe. All right. I saw a Trump attack ad on Sling. I'm watching Sling TV, so I get commercials now. That's where I'm watching 60 Days In. And it's like three commercials across an hour program. So it ain't that bad. But I saw a Trump attack ad going after Biden. It was effective. It was going after Biden's relationship with China over the years. And

it's just using his own words. It's not like one of those voices where it's like, Biden did this and that. It's Biden literally toasting with the premier of China, whatever that got, Xi Jinping or whatever his name is. Like a stronger China is wonderful for America. Just all these terrible quotes that Biden's making. And then like intersplit, it's like fast edits, fast cuts. And then in the middle of it, it's Biden going, ah, like fucking Bilbo from Lord of the Rings. They just cut that in there. And I'm sure it was just him being silly at like a meet and greet

just going ah but the way they throw it in with the dramatic music i was just like we don't want him in the office it's gonna be a fun election season on twitter how that the trump campaign website changed their 404 page to an image of biden looking confused and it says, yours lost as me. And that's a really funny joke. That's good. But yeah, the pot thing, I don't know who's more likely. I would think Trump's a little more likely than Biden just because Trump's been a New York guy his whole life.

He's been around drugs, I would imagine. That's crazy. But that comparison, I would imagine like a 5% Trump versus like 3% Biden of likelihood. Like both are so low. It was to hire like the most anti-pot attorney general

in recent memory, right? He put Jeff Sessions in there. He also hired him. I don't know. I've seen Trump go backwards, not forwards. Trump is a what do you call it straight edge kind of guy you know he doesn't he's never drank never done any drugs or anything like that food is his vice

very clearly and pussy and pussy and pussy i i would wager that food edges out pussy for him he strikes me as the kind of guy who like kind of like is like billy bush he's like he's grabbing by the pussy and if you're the president they let you do it or whatever or if you're famous and rich they let you do it he seems more like the guy who's like i need to make sure every other dude around me knows how much pussy i get but if he's alone and there's two doors and one has the kfc smash burger whatever the hell and the other one has pussy and he knows nobody's ever gonna find out i'm going to pay for that kfc buck believe you like that's what i get you get trump from like the 1990s pussy first trump from the 2020s food first oh yeah you're probably there was a line there when he was like

you know what i'm exhausted and i just want to fucking eat is that too much actually god you go back to whatever fucking hovel I bought you at. The girl he cheated on his first wife with was so hot. I don't know if we can get a picture of her up. She's gorgeous though. His second wife? I'm not going to say the first girl he cheated on his wife with. I'm sure there was a long line of

mistresses. Yeah, the one he ended up marrying for a brief period of time after Ivanka, or Ivana, his first wife. Yeah. Your name is Marla. Marla. Marla Maples. I think so.

The exercise bitch. Yeah. Trump's had a lot of really hot girlfriends over the years. Hey, good for him. He's rich and famous. What are you going to do? Dude, she still looks good nah like i mean obviously you have to put her on like a age scale yeah for age she looks very good

yeah oh this she looks a little younger in this picture i can see because trump looks younger what did i see that made me but yeah i don't think they're gonna legalize it anytime soon it's gonna be maybe uh after this uh this next election cycle. Obviously, if Trump gets elected again, it's his last term. If Biden gets elected, it's his last term. Is Biden 76? Do I have that right?

I think he's 78. Oh, Jesus. I thought I was worried. I was worried I overshot. In 1978. I was worried I overshot. If Bernie Sanders runs in 2024, he'll be 83 when he's inaugurated. Let's go! The only reason I haven't paid Kyle is $100 for Biden winning the thing. I think the date was that whoever comes out of the DNC, what do they call the coronation ceremony?

The convention, right? He has to come in. I'm not 100% convinced he'll live until the convention. And it's like six weeks from now. Yeah. I don't mind you not paying. I'm like yeah I mean fair is fair

Kyle's writing him sir just a kale shake a day it's only for the next six weeks have you thought about keto we've got to keep you healthy sir I'm actually I'm going on the carnivore diet. I don't... I think I only eat crabs.

Or no, maybe it's a dinosaur thing. I only eat carnivores. I only eat carnivores. I only eat carnivores is my understanding. I've been eating nothing but bear for weeks. I've got to for weeks i feel awful my heart's never beat this way before it's marching to the beat of its own oh my teeth fell out again yeah it's so hard to find the elk meat

like i like i've heard not only jill rogan but several others talk about yeah it does make you feel more aggressive and i'm like well i want to find out and it can't taste bad and i've done so much googling to try to find like elk steaks and stuff unless you want to pay an exorbitant amount of money for these things and i don't like experience i felt like for one thing the website i found looked like it was from 1995. Right. You didn't even know if it was active. It's active, but it just looks shady. Okay. It looked like I didn't want to do business with people with a website that poor.

It's on GeoCities, and it plays music when you get there. It's awful. It's awful. It's playing Home on the Range as you're scrolling through the meat selection. But the steaks were like there they were fairly cheap they were like 25 a steak or something like that which isn't yeah you know you'd pay that for a really good beef steak like certainly filet mignon like how much is a filet mignon at uh 20 bucks a pound what is the place we go to oh morton's yeah yeah yeah if you're getting prepared

filet you're gonna pay 75 to 100 somewhere but if you're getting a prepared filet, you're going to pay $75 to $100 somewhere. But if you're buying the meat, it's about $20 a pound. Okay. I've got my sous vide in my kitchen. I got my sous vide bags ready tomorrow night. My girlfriend and I are going to buy some quality steaks. I'm not sure what cut I want yet. Maybe filet, maybe something else.

And we're going to break that bad boy in. I'm excited to use it still gonna i still need to figure out what sides i want maybe some like garlic rosemary roasted potatoes or some roasted carrots that sounds good do smash potatoes we're getting a new george foreman grill that old beat up thing i mean a new grill to lick ladies and gentlemen look kyle do you have any tips for the first sous-viding for what I should do? What kind of vessel are you going to use for the water? What's the best thing to use?

I use a plastic tote, like a clear plastic tote that's about two, two and a half feet long by about maybe a foot wide because it's just so cheap. And I can just dump it out. And then I put the sous-vide in it once it's dumped out and throw it into a cabinet. And it just stays there when I'm not using it. Because you can buy these special tanks that have lids and all this other nonsense. And I don't see the point in all that. Just whatever's cheap. The thing is, you want something big enough that the steaks, especially if you're cooking like four steaks,

if you've got everybody over, have enough room to separate from each other. They also sell these things that have grids in them so you can slide the steaks in and keep them separate. I don't need that either. I just throw them in there. They sink to the bottom. Not really any tips. Season it however you like.

You could throw in a tablespoon of butter in there with it. It'll absorb some of that butter or whatever kind of oil. Olive oil is good. Yeah. I mean, I usually use olive oil. I'll probably do butter tomorrow night just because to treat myself a little more.

But, you know, as far as seasoning, like a really nice cut of meat, I just do like salt and pepper generally. I only put the pepper on after I've seared it because I feel like my my my um my my pan is so hot that it burns the pepper and it makes kind of a bitter taste but yeah just salt most of the time so and then uh pepper after so I'm showing a video for people like me that don't know what a sous vide is all about I'm showing a video and is what you bought like the vertical dildo looking thing that goes yeah does it come with the pot or it's just the heating oh okay so you bring your helmet you can put it on any pot uh-huh and then you put your food in a bag and then that bag exists in a pool of hot water and that's what cooks yeah how long

does it it's a slow cooking procedure right no uh well well not slow but not slow as in slow cooker which is like four to eight hours. Okay. If I'm cooking steaks, they'll be in there for about an hour, hour and a half. Okay. Yeah. All right. And you set it to the internal.

Yeah. And you can find all the relative temperatures online, but you basically you're setting the temperature of the water to what you want the internal temperature of the piece of meat to be. So it comes out literally perfect why so if you want why is a sous vide different than putting a pot of water on a flame because you would you can't maintain that exact temperature like that it would go up and down it's about this is precision okay this is precise like it it's continuously monitoring the temperature of the water and rate and raising that temperature to keep it right where you want it.

Okay. All right. You obviously sear it after the sous vide, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're doing chicken breasts, like boneless, skinless chicken breasts, I don't even sear them. Because all you do is put color on them anyway, and it's barely color. I just eat them like that. But if I'm doing steak, I get a cast iron pan.

I put some avocado oil in there there and I get that motherfucker hot. And I literally 45 seconds each side and then that's it. I'm so hungry. I ate some before this, but now I've got a sous vide video of a steak up. And man, I want one so bad. I've been so good about eating the last couple of weeks. I'm down five pounds in the last 15 days or so. Nice. Real good about it. You just, eventually you just get tired of it and you're like, man, I hate the way I look in the mirror when

I'm about to step in the shower every morning. What is that? That quote, is that a Simpsons thing where it's like you step out and you hate the way you look, you hate yourself every morning. I'll have to go back and find that but yeah you know what i mean where you just step out of the shower catch a glimpse of yourself and you're just like oh god look at how much shit is just on some unnecessary just shit hanging out you know you do that thing where you like lean your body your torso to see how far you can go before your fat creases up. Oh, that is a sad thing. I had a bunch of mirrors in my master bathroom

and so you're looking at yourself about to get in the shower and you catch another mirror reflection of your back and you're like, oh, I'm fat-backed. You're making a mistake. My house? Only funhouse mirrors. I'm fucking sexy and tall and fair. Just think how tasty you would be if someone ate you though. You're making a mistake. My house, only Funhaus mirrors. I am fucking sexy.

Just think how tasty you would be if someone ate you, though. You're marbled. Oh, dude, I would I bet I taste the best. I don't know. Have you been drinking your pineapple juice? I've been drinking my... Well, I've been eating a bunch of pears recently. Me too.

Third season, I believe, at least according to Trader Joe's. Would you eat a person if you could? Would I eat a person if I could? Yeah. If you could go to Morton's and they were like, do you want the filet mignon or do you want the Cajun strip steak or would you like some of Pete?

And you're like, well, what kind of life did Pete live? Well, he's farm raised. Grain fed. Worked out every day. Not too tough, though. Lots of cardio. And, you know, well, how do you prepare Pete? Well, we can sous-vide him up. I would order Pete. I would totally eat Pete. Now we force-fed Pete a diet of nothing but vodka giving him a fatty liver this is pete wograw it's the only money in russia yeah if it was the norm to

eat people i'm sure i would if it was legal in some country to eat people and i was allowed to film the thing and put it up online i would probably do it there too i'd only want a couple bites just because i'm pretty sure it's going to taste like pork you know clean my plate like the person that kyle described right all that cardio all that exercise not good i stretched him i want to eat children right that's where the good food is the veal right taylor thinks he tastes the best but have you ever seen a chubby little toddler, Taylor? That's where it's at. But you're going to cut in. It's going to be all that yellow, fatty globules thing.

There's going to be no muscle. You know, when you eat a nice big steak, that's muscle tissue. I want one of those badass black kids who's like eight years old throwing up gang signs and beating the other kids up. Like he's like a super predator in the fucking third grade. I want to eat him. Right, Hillary. Yeah yeah you got it so see but i don't know i'm not sold on the kids thing you don't want an old person certainly not an old person no you'd have to like make ground old person if you're gonna turn that into chicken noodle soup or something like a bolognese sauce

or something like that if you're an old chicken noodle soup no it wouldn't be chicken noodle soup it'd be franklin's soup yeah it'd be franklin's noodle soup and he'd have a picture of him looking all sad on the can what i don't understand about your guy pete kyle is how are you gonna coerce a guy to get into such good shape if he knows he's gonna be slaughtered uh he thinks oh he knows we're gonna tell him every day you can taste that fear nobody works out more than prisoners right like the guys have life in the pen and they just do their burpees every day according to youtube yeah if we ate prisoners that would solve a lot of problems i think if we ate the dead it would solve a lot of problems. Well, you don't want to eat the living. Yeah, well, dead. No, like instead of slaughtering a man and eating him,

like just go to the hospital. People who've been in car crashes and stuff, that's got to tenderize you. You know, any sort of traumatic injury. I don't want somebody who's like dying slowly of cancer or something. You don't want that person. That's got to taste awful. If Kyle was our leader, we'd have COVID-21 next year. It's like, ah like ah yeah it turns out

if you eat dead people they give you what they had well you gotta cook it they're dead for rare pete i wonder weren't the bats cooked i don't know maybe like just all the bats weren't cooked those fuckers were probably drinking the blood out of a thing's asshole. You know how those people are. People. It didn't start from a bat. It started from a virology lab in Wuhan. Okay. Okay. Thank you, Mr. Topp.

Oh, do you think it's more likely that someone made a bat soup clearly for the first time in history and it came from that? Do you think it's more likely that it came from the Wuhan virology lab that was two miles downstream of where they announced the wet market that it was created in? Or do you think it's more likely that it came from a form of market that's been used for tens of thousands of years in the same area? Which one do you think is more likely? I think it's the second. Let me answer that for you. I watched a whole bunch of Alex Jones highlights on stream. And first of all, they're hilarious. And something that he does is he will have guests on.

There was a whole montage about 10 minutes long of him bringing like another InfoWars guest or someone on his show. And just being like, now you're the resident expert in xenoestrogens that are coming out of things like plastic bottles and whatnot. What can you tell us about what the elite, the globalists are doing with this? They'd be like, thanks so much for having me me on alex i'm really excited to talk about it so really the big thing they're trying to do here is make it so that the average now exactly i know where you're going for you real quick what they're doing folks is and these and then you'll go on for 10 minutes and i'll be like exactly alex and another thing to add and what real quick before you before you jump in he is absolutely bullheaded and it is hilarious taylor

how's alex doing since he's been deplatformed i'm curious about that uh all of my experience with him now is coming from uh youtube compilations uh and so i really don't know i i was bummed when he got banned from twitter because he tweeted some real bangers sometimes just funny shit i was really bummed when he got banned i don't think that was good or he deserved that and that was a scary step towards censorship of other people on the internet it's a scary thing because he's not far from yelling fire in a crowded theater right like he misinforms people he makes up conspiracy theories like the things he says cause some level of damage and yet cnn just goes on the air every night yeah you see like and that's that's

the thing is like i don't want some overarching authority telling me which people are the conspiracy theorists and which ones aren't yeah obviously people to internalize their own information and so you know it's just foolish when people are like yeah but he's crazy it's like really you think that they organically every social media site came together and banned him in the same day for something he did in 2012 about the sandy hook shooting okay okay like yeah that's totally organic yeah you've told me many times taylor about about those crisis actors and you showed me all those photo lineups and you're right those are the same crying mothers at each of those shootings i didn't believe it all of the data all of the evidence. Those were some sketchy websites you sent me to.

I believe it. It's got like gifs in the background. Paneled backgrounds. It's another issue where I don't know the answer. But I can understand both sides of it. You know? The guy's yelling fire in a crowded theater. That's not free speech.

But man. Like Taylor said. You don't want the government picking your truth for you like that's a scary thing too so where's the answer how do you do this right i mean i guess i'm like pretty first amendment absolute about it i guess like i think you should be like free speech should be absolute like you can't start like picking little things out of it or it's just a matter of time before it crumbles yeah hate speech is free speech yeah of course doesn't mean it's not shitty but it is part of free speech people have like if you if you don't protect shitty speech then what are you doing free speech as long as you're polite it's like that's

a very good right yeah the way the law works is there are certain protected groups from hate speech right you're not allowed to hate on certain things. And that's when they can get you. But I don't know the law should work. I don't know what perfect is. Well, regardless, Alex Jones, you're always welcome on the program here. Actually, maybe not. Of course not.

We would get in trouble. Taylor, you should just mirror his like i don't know speaking style and thought so excited to finally be able to kind of pump your mind a bit and see what what ideas you have i'm talking to you absolutely not no i smoked three packs today is he banned from vimeo could we just upload that episode there dude that would be oh Dude, that would be... Oh my god, that would be so funny. It could be really funny or it could be really not funny

if he started being serious about shit. That wouldn't be very funny. You guys could have him on. He's not banned from appearing on other shows on YouTube. I'm not sure about your Twitch status. He was on Logan Paul's podcast, which isn't exactly edgy. Was that on YouTube?

Yeah, it that on YouTube? Yeah, it's on YouTube. Got millions and millions of views. OK. Oh, yeah. And he's your Rogan's podcast. It's all over YouTube. It's been a while ago. That was before the deep black. Turning up with Logan was after Logan Paul's podcast was for sure afterwards.

Have you been on Logan Paul's podcast? I wish you know how many more subscribers and how much more money I'd have if I went on that motherfucker? Zero. They're all nine years old. I respect that Logan Paul is pretty much admitting that he used to be a douche and putting out shitty PG kids content. And now he's having porn stars on his podcast. He's putting out videos of himself getting fucked up. He's being more honest and being

more open about his actual lifestyle i like that um i watched more plates more dates talk about logan paul so i guess logan paul's hair has made a miraculous comeback and uh he's been real honest about his hair loss you know he'll show his dad he like sort of in a funny way jokingly busts on the genetics that his father handed to him and and he would just pull his hair back and show his hairline and how it was going going going and then over the course of like two months now he has great luscious thickest thicker hair than he had before uh more plates more dates if you don't know him runs youtube channel he's an expert on steroids and hair replacement and hair growth which are like counters. And he thinks he's just a hyper-responder

to some sort of like minoxidil or something. Anyway, yeah, I like that he poked at him, funded himself, and didn't hide from his hair loss. Yeah, he seems like a real douche online, but I spent like two or three days with that guy, and he was just really genuine and nice. You were hanging out with him? Yeah, where'd you guys kick it at?

In LA. He was doing this awful movie, and my network asked me to be in the movie. So this is a real story you're telling me right now. Yeah. This is true. The movie was called Airplane? I thought it was a joke. Okay.

Does it sound right? What was that? The movie, was it called Airplane? Airplane Mode. Airplane Mode? Yeah. Yeah. Thankfully, my scenes were cut. I'm so glad they were cut i really am it was a very bad scenes oh oh it was awful did you look

like an idiot uh not like an idiot all the time but some of the time like like vitality kissed me at one point like like not like a like making out or anything but like he like murdered me and then kissed me on the i think he kissed me on the mouth or the cheek. I don't remember. Who's Vitaly? Vitaly Z, the Russian guy on YouTube that used to do a prank channel. Now the poster boy of HGH. More recently, he was

arrested, I think, in Florida for maybe attacking a woman. I'm not sure of the details of that, but I just remember seeing his mugshot and being like, ah, he looks crazy. Yeah. But but you know i long story short like like all of my experiences with him really kind and like like hey are they looking out for you with this and that are they taking care of this and that this is gonna be really fun and i i had a couple of scenes with him and where i'm i'm supposed to be bullying him like i'm choking him at knife point and stuff. He's like, really come at me.

Really choke me hard. I'm like, my hand doesn't even begin to fit around your neck, dude. Are you insane? I've got pretty big hands. It would take eight of my hands to reach around this man's colossal fucking neck. He's so thick and muscular. He's just cowering as I'm holding it up. I'm thinking, he could murder me right now if he wanted to. He needs to be a real knife.

It wouldn't matter. My Twitch chat was saying that I could beat up Logan Paul. I am clearly at my home field right now. Logan Paul would kick my ass. Not only is that guy trained, he's an actual fighter.

He just sparred with which UFC middleweight? A legit one. And he got flatline KO'd, which made me respect him a lot. Kyle, help me with this name. He's the very strong guy that Israel Adesanya is about to fight next. Handsome guy. Handsome Brazilian guy. Costa?

What's his first name? Paulo? Paulo. Paulo Costa. And I think he kind of hammed up the knockout a little bit. You know? Didn't look like much ham to me. I don't know.

It did to me. But I could be off. You know, what do I know? Yeah. Woody could beat up most human beings if he's going to get in a fight like at fucking at the movie theater. Right? Like the average movie goer cannot take Woody's gamertag.

I agree. Half of them are women. Half of them are women. And right there. Right off the bat. Yeah, right off the bat. theater right like like the average movie goer cannot take i agree half of woody's gamer tag women and right there right off the bat yeah right on 90 80 90 of those women he'd flatline what belt are you woody i'm not saying but no i trained for years i didn't go for belts but i did no gi for a while um but i'm not special i was never special um i trained with people who were special sometimes and saw the difference but uh kids i trained me today too actually i don't know if we've talked about this right are you a purple belt i'm a purple belt that's legit no i trained for

three years and then i took off with a and healed up my acl and such and then i came back and trained for one more something like that Is purple right before black? No. There's brown between the two. Purple is the third. So white, blue, purple, brown, black. That's not an order of coolness. Brown should be the lowest.

That's the lamest of those colors. It's the closest to black. And the purple is the highest. Says who? Just to show that the entire journey is... What happened to gray? Yeah. Did you stop trading, Danny?

I did, just out of time constraints because youtube is such a full-time operation purple belt is a legit thing i don't know if people understand what a big deal that is but i let's try to quantify how much straight bjj training it takes for you to beat 95 of the people on earth i think once you've hit a year and a half you're there which is a blue belt you're a low level blue I think once you've hit a year and a half, you're there, which is a blue belt. You're a low level blue belt. And if you're on a soccer field and the guy doesn't have a knife, 95% of the time you can take him out. If you've been training for a year and a half, I would argue that a year and a half of training is worth about 30 pounds,

maybe 40 pounds, right? So if you've trained for a year and a half, you're about even with a guy 30, 40 pounds bigger than you. If you train for three years, you're even with a guy who's maybe 60 pounds bigger than you. How does that work for you? Wow. I think if you're a really good blue belt or purple belt level and you're on a favorable terrain, a.k.a. not a shady bar room with a bunch of sharp edges

and a guy with all of his cronies in the bathroom that was always the one i worried about like all these skills i'm developing are worthless on a bus aisle you guys keep training kyle and i just have we've got our homes anyway i i know it's it's good the bus aisle is a bad place to fight for a jiu-jitsu guy i did something which is very ill-advised for a jiu-jitsu fighter before i've actually pulled guard in a street fight in a parking lot which should be the ultimate no-no a guarantee to get your ass kicked or knocked out and it worked and the guy was a former some position on the school football team. And I was able to sweep him from guard and then just beat him up.

Why would, why would that be a bad thing in a parking? So pulling guard is kind of being the bottom and a missionary position at sex and your head, like if you, well, not you so much, but you could grab my hair and hit it on the,

on the, on the asphalt perhaps, or, or, you know, if you just introduce, so inzilian jiu-jitsu if you're in my guard we're about even i might even have a slight advantage but you add punching to the mix probably you have the advantage even though you're in my guard okay the way to think

about it is if if you're in my guard you're between my legs i have both my hands and both my legs ready to attack with but woody makes a good point when you have gravity and punches we're a little more even but yeah adding the asphalt to the equation if this guy stands up and slams me if he throws a punch and there's no give because my head is going from knuckles to concrete it gets dicey not even dimension if he has a buddy who's uh trying to negotiate with the hooker around the corner here's a commotion and then runs over towards you and kicks you in the back of the head when you're not looking it it's not a great move yeah but i had a spotter i had a buddy who was watching over his fight to keep it one-on-one and uh one-on-one i mean hoist gracie proved it man there isn't a superior martial art

see i like i like the idea of learning how to box or do jujitsu more than the practice of it like the thought in my head of like yeah i can go do a boxing class and like get some good cardio and learn how to you know do that better i can go to a jujitsu and get probably even better cardio and do that but then i'll think about it and be like, man, I really don't want to get beat up. Jujitsu is fun. In jujitsu, you don't get punched. Jujitsu is, it becomes like playing a strategy video game because it's so unique. The style you develop, are you a guard player?

Are you a top player? Are you a choke guy, an armbar guy? And once you get past the bad six month period where everybody just fucks you up every day it becomes really addicting dude i joined my yes when i started time to put in to get fucked up it's true let me go when i started brazilian jiu-jitsu uh i joined right and i'm going there and of course everyone's kicking my ass they're all the experience and stuff nobody joined after me for like nine months so you were the new guy for way longer than you should have been terrible it was terrible and i

started to get to me where i could competitive get competitive with people who've been longer but they're smaller than me and uh and then eventually i remember the first guy ever tapped out he was big he was like 40 pounds bigger than me not strong but like a little bit fat and a little bit strong and i triangled him and it was like the first guy i ever beat it was great after a while um my favorite thing don't let me talk like i'm some sort of badass but people would come in untrained but perfect specimen right big chest Big chest, bulky shoulders, et cetera. And it's like, if they don't have any offense,

it's just a matter of time before they get me something to go for. I think rounds were five minutes or seven minutes or something. And over that time, I'd get them twice. They'd get me zero because they have no offense. Thankfully, there's no punching. Everyone would figure that out. But you take away the punching, uh i really enjoyed the perfect specimen yeah i don't want to get punched and that's a great thing about jiu-jitsu is no other martial art can you spar full bore

without taking punches to the head so you can hop in the boxing ring but after three four years in the game you might see some cte later down the road jiu-jitsu you're going against fully resisting opponents without getting your teeth knocked in without getting your nose broken so you get a ton of reps against resisting guys and that removes a lot of bullshit right like if you go to kung fu for example yeah there's all sorts of like if the guy puts his hand on your chest in a flat thing like that you grab his two fingers and you pull them apart that will never happen in a fight never does anyone present their fingers for you to muscle each of them and pull them apart and isn't kung fu striking like kicking

and punching or no it is kicking and punching but there's a lot of super silliness and i actually took kung fu before brazilian jiu-j, and it's all like no one ever resists. You know, you just sort of – and all the punches and blocks are in slow motion, and it's just not full effort. So you don't develop any actual skills. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, you can go full effort without injury. So things that are bullshit mystic martial arts get quickly weeded out you know yeah you know what looks like real shit and i know this from like a couple youtube videos i watched was krav maga where all of the attacks it seemed it does not seem like there are any rules whatsoever in krav maga like i was watching the fight and the guy's like so what he's like israeli because i think it's an israeli kind of thing and he's saying like

what you do is you he come with you and you take your pen and you stab him in nutsack and then you gouge his eye and he even stressed this is not jujitsu you need to neutralize him at all costs I don't know much about it it's like a military fighting thing where it's not about rules

it's about shutting you down remember that BJJ gym we went to and we all rolled it was me, you, and Joe and I'm like I have no idea what I'm doing Remember that BJJ gym we went to and we all rolled? It was me, you, and Joe. And I'm like, I have no idea what I'm doing, obviously. And I'm just like, well, I'll roll with Woody, of course,

and he'll walk me through this. No, Woody goes and pairs off some other guy. And I'm just left with somebody. They chose who we paired with. Fair enough. Someone should have gone, ah, ah, ah. This guy just walked in. I'm just with this other guy. This gentleman's wearing sandals,

Sensei. I'm just rolling with this guy on the ground and he's just like, so how long have you been doing this? And I'm just like, I've never done this before in my life. Oh, about 38 seconds. I wondered why you were in the fetal position there for so long

was that problem or jiu-jitsu no that was jiu-jitsu what i was getting at was that same place taught krav maga that that was that that was one of the three disciplines they taught there because like after that experience i bought a i bought a sweatshirt because the lady was so hot at the front do you remember i i still remember how hot the i was i was hanging out with her while you were showering or something and i was just like let me let me get one of those sweatshirts yeah pick one from the bottom no no the one real high yeah you gotta stretch for it write your number on you and i have different preferences and positions it would appear yeah yeah definitely so and uh but but i just remember it said like bjj krav maga and maybe

taekwondo or kickboxing or some other shit. Probably kickboxing, I think. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's a legit martial art. I think it's more about self-defense. I'm so anti-Krav, but whatever. Because what he and I were just talking about is with jiu-jitsu, every day you go to training, you're not getting 100% street fight simulation because no punches, you have a padded mat. But to get real repetitions of Krav Maga, you need an Afghani guy.

He needs a MAC-10, and you need to be blindfolded on your knees about to be executed. That's what all the techniques are about, escaping situations like that. How can you get enough reps for that to actually pay off in a real life situation? I don't think you can through Krav Maga. You just go pick up a few Mexicans, you know, like two painters, two painters.

Come on, let's go. Que paso? Trabajo? I'm going with that man. Several of us have gone with him. They do not come back. He stabbed me in the nutsack with a beak.

And he says to me, and nowack with a beak. When I access, and he says to me, and now you are neutralized. And I said, I didn't give the fuck out of here, man. When I did JITS, I like never wanted to miss a class.

So even if I traveled or something, I'd find myself in California and I just find a place and they'd let me train that week or something. And because of that, I've trained at a couple of different places, visited schools. The culture on meanness was different. My school was mean. And like of that, I've trained at a couple different places, visited schools. The culture on meanness was different. My school was mean. Let's say you had me in side control or something, and you had the ability to put your elbow in this spot in your jaw right here.

If you don't do that, what the fuck? Am I not worthy of a little meanness? Are you taking me lightly? Why aren't you giving me the ugly face? of a little meanness? Are you taking me lightly? Why aren't you giving me the ugly face? Why aren't you like,

you're seriously not going to take the gi you wear is really rough. It's like sandpaper kind of. And it's like, you're not going to rub my temple with it? That guy took my back and he didn't even bite my neck. I don't get it. What do you think I'm a bitch?

You get back there and I bite it. They call it asshole jitsu and they're all, everything they do is mean. Every move they take, there's a little bit of twist. And then there are other like sports schools that aren't so mean. What was your preference? I tend to find that the sporty schools, they have more of a nine to five type guys coming in rolling casually

and you can progress pretty quickly in jiu-jitsu and most of the casual schools i went to i topped out and i didn't really have anybody on my level to roll with after a couple of years whereas those really competition heavy schools every day a new guy from brazil who doesn't speak english and has a unibrow comes in the train for a couple weeks and this guy's a black belt and this guy's net worth is five dollars or five whatever they have in Portugal or Brazil and uh and that guy will fuck you up so like I trained with Robert Drysdale in Las Vegas and I remember the essence of that gym can be summarized best by one time i got tapped out i got ankle locked and i yelped because my ankle completely popped and robert drysdale is in a sitting position he's

like sitting meditation style hops up yeah nice ankle lock joseph yeah you fucked his ankle up good shit daddy your submissions your defense is weak and i had to like crawl off the mat and started whimpering in the corner but that school i always had way better guys to train with so i thought it was more valuable i've told the story before but i'm in california like sort of visiting and uh i'm rolling right i'm pretty new at this point i'm a white belt deserving of it and uh i go there and there's a blue belt but he's a little bit smaller than me and I thought it would be fair-ish. I didn't recognize that I was about to be choked.

Like I didn't really see that I was vulnerable at that point. It was a choke I hadn't worked with. Cool. So he's getting me and things are kind of tunneling out. I'm getting choked out. What does he have you in? I don't even know.

To this day, it was some sort of like, it was almost like North-South but it was a collar choke that he pulled under and uh uh anyway so he has me in that and i just sort of keep i think i'm going for a single leg hoping that i can get like a dominant position and then work on the choke secondary bad priorities i'm gonna tell Bad priorities. I'm going to tell you now. Okay. So anyway, the instructor sees this going on. And in my head, I'm like, all right, just another second of this, and maybe I can turn this around. The instructor observes my neck in a really weird position and breaks it up. But I'm out.

I'm totally out. And as things start to come to, I go for a double leg takedown. But unbeknownst to me, the guy I'm rolling with, the instructor, I'm going after the wrong guy. And I noticed his belt was black. Like my fucked up, just knocked out thought process was like, well, OK, I see is the black belt, but maybe no one else will notice. was like well okay i see is the black belt but maybe no one else will notice like like like the instructor and the guy i'm rolling with maybe they're not hip to the fact that i switched opponents and uh so so anyway he just kind of makes me ineffective and then he has me go sit against the wall and i'm like no no i'm ready to go i'm ready to go and i'm really embarrassed i

you've been checked choked out I always found it super embarrassing. Not that I lost, but like everyone's looking at me. Everyone knows what just happened and I don't. I'm the only guy who's lost this period of time and everyone's aware of the story and I'm not. And I just wanted to roll again and bring the attention off of me. But I'm like, I'm ready to go he's like you're

not going anywhere you sit right there and he made the right call i was i get i must have been out for a little while because i had a headache and like a migraine kind of and i wasn't it wasn't all the way back until the next day i never minded getting choked out i've been choked out two or three times and it's just kind of fun when you wake up and it's like how long? really? yeah it never bothered me everyone's laughing and I don't know why

and it bothered I don't know why they're laughing it might have been the stuff they did to you while you were unconscious yeah I noticed you guys didn't laugh when you choked Pablo out today. Why is that? Kyle, did your butt hurt afterwards? Well, we didn't fuck Pablo.

We didn't drag our sweaty nutsacks across the space. We have a game where we choke you out, and then we see how many of us can teabag you when you wake up. Are you coming to? Now, if you taste salt, it means you're probably going to be okay you when you wake up? 60 is the magic number. Are you coming to? Now, if you taste salt, it means you're probably going to be okay. Do you taste salt?

Okay. Danny, I presume you trained everyone who trains been choked out at one point. You know, I have a really pronounced Adam's apple and sort of a skinny neck. I've only been on the window of being choked out. For me, it goes straight because there are air chokes and blood chokes for the people who don't train. Air choke is really painful. It's right across your throat. That's some guillotine, some rear naked, go-go pladas.

And then there are the chokes where your carotid arteries get attacked and the window of consciousness slowly closes. That's what Woody was referring to. That's the time he got raped on the mat by pablo um i just my neck always takes the brunt of the choke so i tap from pain and lack of air before i can really get choked generally yeah it's only hurt once and it was when joe choked me it was like it was like it was like why are you hurting me joe because because my friend in high school he just he just did a blood choke and i went unconscious and the guy at the at the mma gym same thing didn't hurt joe was just like joe and everybody at his gym are mean and that's the culture there and uh and you know when that

when joe teaches moves like all right like this is the joke but this is the short choke and you twist it like this and it hurts extra and that's this is what they're all about like i don't want to train with joe but nobody wants to train with joe i like it i like it it's my preference i like it to hurt a little i uh maybe i'm discovering a kink you know you guys we're discovering your kink i think you've known for a while yeah no to me like when you add a little pain to the whole thing it shows me you're giving me your A game to not do that

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Thank you. It'll be right in the description below if you just want to use that. Very cool, man. You'd be a fool not to do it. You've been playing a lot of Tarkov still, I guess. Yes. Haven't branched out.

No. It's the dumbest thing in the world. But when you drink, so in the game, there's food and there's hunger. No, I'm sorry. Thirst and hunger. And the apple juice in-game expires tomorrow. Friday, if you're watching this.

Oh, that's funny. They put out a patch today, and I am hoping that it's something to do with the expiring apple juice. That maybe it turns into poison, and you need like a grizzly. Alcohol. I don't know.

It's like ferment. But all the game's apple juice expires tomorrow and probably nothing will happen but god oh god i hope something does so uh the master chief collection i'm sure you're aware of they've remastered all the halo games and they're releasing them uh in order not in order of the original release but in the order of where they fit into the timeline of the halo universe so halo Halo 2 came out two days ago, three days ago, something like that. I bought it 18 minutes after it came out, the whole Master Chief collection. I just bought the whole package.

It was pretty cheap. And me and my buddy Mitty Smitty, we just grinded through Halo 2 in like two gaming sessions, I think. Ah, the nostalgia, the nostalgia. The nostalgia. I hadn't played that shit since the night it came out like forever ago, whenever the fuck that was. I just, really fun playing on PC though. It has this feature where you can press tab

and it'll show you what the game used to look like and sound like. And you just hit tab again and it reverts to the remastered mode. It's night and day. It's night and day. It looks infinitely better. There are new cut scenes. There are these terminals that you can find throughout the levels of the game that will show you brand new content, brand new content that relates to Halo 2 and its sort of timeline. It's when Guilty Spark was talking to the heretic for anybody who's really

steeped in Halo knowledge and Halo meta. But it shows their conversations and how they learned that the Covenant is sort of a lie and that the rings are really meant to destroy all sentient life in the universe and it's not some like

afterlife paradise key or whatever they call the great journey really fun to go back and play through that thing that was great i tried playing the other one halo ce that what it is okay well combat evolved that's the that's the first in the main series of games it wasn't fun it wasn't fun it didn't move right it didn't look like a modern game it wasn't 30 fps i'm not sure about that part and uh i didn't finish it even though i enjoyed the company the people i was with it was just like yeah we're none of us are liking this right was this on the master chief collection yeah yeah call it six months ago or something weird uh because halo 2 is unlimited

frame rate um okay i could be wrong about the frame rate i'm not sure yeah so i was playing it at i think i was getting about 140 frames something like that which is all i can do anywhere yeah i don't i would just say god i guess games got better since then okay it looks great they're also the remaster. Normal hardness, which was really easy in that game. Yeah, we played on hardened or veteran, whatever it's called, like one below legendary. Legendary is just rough with certain enemies and certain scenarios.

There's a point in the game where you're going through these alleyways, and there's a lot of snipers, and on legendary, they'll one-tap you, and it's just like, fuck. I didn't even see them there, and there's three of them anywayers and on legendary they'll one tap you and it's just like fuck like i didn't even see him there and there's three of them anyway so we didn't do legendary when you're choosing a difficulty for live stream you have to ask yourself like do you want to have to give your the game your full attention or do you want to like look at chat are you hanging out with chat

while the game goes on or are you playing the game while the chat goes on and i decided the first but some people do the second whatever fair enough fair enough that's what i'm doing grand theft auto right now streaming grand theft auto 5 never played that game before have you played previous grand theft autos like at friends houses for small amounts of time it's just there was no reason i never played him it's just like i just didn't didn't him. And so now this is the first time I've ever played them doing story mode. And this game is so much fun and it's genuinely hilarious. Like the dialogue is so, so funny,

like really, really good stuff. So, and like, I was surprised, like I didn't realize that game came out in 2013 and it's still like one of the top five games on Twitch of people. They keep updating it.

Yeah. And so I'm having a blast with it. I'm strong. I, I must've, I failed this stupid mission like five times last night in a row while being mocked by chat. Cause it had to do with flying a plane.

And I was really not doing a good job of flying. You had to land the plane and that was very tough. And then I, I finished it it I landed the plane then I was taxiing to the terminal or to the fucking shed you have to park it in and as I'm pulling in I the

wing clips the entrance and it goes wasted like I was like what fuck and I had to do the whole thing yeah that was really aggravating but other than that this game has been really a ton of fun it's awesome the story is engaging the dialogue is hilarious people are telling me to try the role-playing multiplayer but like i need to figure out how to drive better and how to shoot better and a bunch of stuff before i hop on

there because people are saying i'm just gonna get my shit pushed in oh you will yeah yeah but i don't really you know i'm not too invested in my game i've been playing in years uh vice city was one of those games i had for PlayStation 2 that I just played, or maybe 3, that I just played tons and tons of, like many, many, many, many hours of. So I love GTA. I can say very little about video games.

My phase, or the last time I played seriously, was probably over a decade ago. But Vice City and San Andreas have probably 10,000 hours of my young life yeah everybody's saying after or a lot of people were saying after gta 5 jumped to san andreas because that's the second best one it's great i didn't like it i like like because of the story like i like the um just like running around and being silly but as far as the storyline i don't need to play a character who is me right right? You don't have to be exactly like me.

Careful what you say now. What's your problem with Carl Johnson, Kyle? I'm going to say it. I play Skyrim or Fallout or whatever. That's not me. That's a wizard. Sure, but I play this, and I just cannot relate to a black gangbanger from Los Angeles.

We don't have anything in common well is that who you play as yes yeah and as we see top of the show i'm a street gang blood member from los angeles so for me it just clicked yeah that's why it resonated so much with with young danny this is what i'm gonna do in the future yeah i'm gonna kiss people with during pandemics and i just couldn't relate to his problems or like like like see myself doing the things that he did i mean again doesn't have to be like playing vice city and it's essentially scarface the video game in a lot of ways it's it's very similar to to like the story of scarface and you know the the motif is very similar to that the white suits and you're

in Miami I think and uh the cars the music I love the music in that game but I couldn't get into five you should do Grand Theft Auto Moscow be all Russian monsters and yeah I'd be down for that shitty Russian cars and you can work where you're the safest driver. That's Grand Theft Auto Venice. Yeah, Grand Theft Auto Venice slowly going through there, ramming people. What are you doing? I've been to a couple of countries now, and I've never seen drivers worse than Rome. Good God. Really?

Oh, it's like a... So Italy, they all know they're bad drivers. They all know they're ridiculous, terrible drivers. And they take almost a pride in the insanity and the lack of direction. I'm out of words on this thing.

But in Italy, the driving is next level. The rest of Europe can't drive in Italy either. They're just stupid. I didn't know that. I knew about Russia, but the reason for russia having all those is is because i think kyle told me this like their insurance is so stingy in russia or there's something about it that like you need to actually provide video yeah to get insurance for all those companies you have to have a dash cam and so that's why they're the same reason that people are like florida's crazy it's like well really florida like they just make all of those like crazy records public sooner and so like if

a guy goes and eats a bunch of uh bath salts in maine and does something insane it doesn't make the news as fast interesting that hasn't happened since that it happened like three times in a month and then never again yeah i don't believe that's the same logic i use for why helen keller is a fraud there has never been a deaf blind mute since that had anything links of the other deaf blind mutes and i chose not to watch them taylor that's the reason that the st louis blues were cheaters it's never happened before in history it's never happened before in history. It's never happened since in history. One year they win the Stanley Cup, clearly bullshit. I watched that.

I watched it happen. That happened. They won. Helen Keller, you try and pull a Helen Keller in 2020, people see through that right away. If you think that wasn't big hockey pulling the wool over your eyes,

then you just don't understand big hockey. Now, something that you want to do, everyone, is go on Twitter to the search function and type in Helen Keller fake, and you can see all sorts of hot takes. Yeah, if you want to find Taylor's Twitter, just search that. It's the fastest way to get to her. It's the fastest way to get to it it's the fastest way to find me no like yeah like look at these these tweets helen keller fake as fuck like pick a struggle

shake my head helen keller is fake pass it on i want to go back in time to fake punch helen keller to see if she flinches because i swear she'd be faking. I told my mom Helen Keller is fake and she yelled at me, sad face Stormy Cloud. I bet Helen Keller liked crunchy peanut butter because only fake bitches like that shit. I don't even get that one.

Meaning like if you're a real bitch apparently, you like smooth. I like creamy as well. I'm not a peanut butter kind of guy. I think you're both if you're a real bitch apparently you like smooth i like creamy as well i'm not a peanut yeah peanut butter kind of guy i think you're both bitches i like crunchy me too snack and a tour and a tour yeah that crunchy fucking peanut butter texture motherfucker jesus christ pick a form of matter like i don't i don't when you have soup, do you just have broth? Sometimes. Okay. I like a heartier soup.

I mean, it's an option. No, it's not. I'm just saying, there's no way all these accounts are wrong. There's no way. There's no way there's several wrong people on Twitter. It's solid logic. It's a mistake from the jump. It's nonsense. You need to go watch the miracle worker and pray why do you care

because we're picking on one of the it's a very inspirational story she couldn't see her here and and she she learned to sign and and communicate how do you think you'll really go back to tarkoff after the wipe? Yeah, why not? I don't know. It's just fake. You haven't been playing. I thought maybe you didn't like it. Oh, no. I love it.

I beat it. We're there. The thing that makes Tarkov fun, like I've said before, is grinding and the economy of the game. I got so much money and so much gear that'll never be a concern. I could throw half my gear away and still have plenty of gear yeah i'm in that spot too but i still like it i uh i could throw all of my gear away and i have so much money i could buy it all again two or three times yeah like i had to buy more money cases last night

i did got tired of money all over my stash i uh so i'm doing fine in game i'm not amazing at the game i sound like i'm saying i am but uh i turned the corner and money it's made yeah yeah for sure uh yeah i'll go back to it i don't know of anything else that's around the corner that i'm gonna be into i would be totally down for an rpg like a like a really in-depth one a good one i'd love a fall Fallout game that's not Fallout 76, but that's not coming anytime soon, I'm sure. That was an abomination. Or an Elder Scrolls game. I'd love a new Elder Scrolls game that you could just lose yourself

in for dozens of hours. That would be great. Although, I don't know if they're going to be as much fun without weed. I mean, you just got to play the waiting game. That's what I'm doing. What do you want in a house kyle you talk about going to colorado right what does kyle i like those cabins uh i like those uh those cabins that are uh like somewhere between rough finished and like completely finished like uh kind of like

um oh you didn't see that one uh i don't know like the big beams on the inside and everything and kind of an unfinished look but not like there was bark and everything. I like those a lot. Are you on the side of a mountain with no neighborhood where you need four-wheel drive half the winter or are you in a more civilized area where you can get to a

grocery store conveniently? Yeah, somewhere in between. I wouldn't mind a 15-20 minute drive to get to necessities but i don't want to be so far up that it's like if i forget a can of soup when i get back home i'm like no fuck i don't even have enough gas to go back and back and forth again i'll have to fill up when i get there uh i don't want to be an hour away from civilization and you need bandwidth i felt like when i was shopping for a house this was five years ago people didn't look at bandwidth

they just like find out after the fact no man i need to know the internet speed at this house I felt like when I was shopping for a house, this was five years ago, people didn't look at bandwidth. They just like find out after the fact. No, man, I need to know the Internet speed at this house. How do you sell a house with bad Internet speed? Does this house not have water or electricity also? Like these are fundamental things. Yeah. Kyle, if you don't mind me asking, what are you looking to spend on a house in Colorado? Because I, for the first time, have some money in my life.

And my buddies, who are much more successful and rich than I, they say a house is the first investment I should start looking into. So I'm putting money into a mortgage and just lighting it on fire for rent. Yeah, I've been saving for a couple years now. The one I'm looking at, I've looked at a lot of houses in Colorado in various colorado in various areas and around 400 000 they start getting to the point where it's like oh this would work this this would work because i'm not gonna have a family so i don't need like yeah six bedrooms or something i do want extra rooms for like you know the stuff that i like to do vr and all that nonsense but um but yeah 400 000 is probably not the roof but probably the floor and that can get

you to lay nice in colorado because that's affordable in the area in la that's not fucking happening no that won't cut it in la dude if you go to like a rural area like where i'm from a four hundred thousand dollar house is a goddamn mansion and just just enormous like like it's eight nine thousand square feet or something and and very very very nice you know it's it's for one thing the labor is cheaper there and and just the the property obviously land land there is five thousand dollars an acre for decent land i mean you can get a plot on the lake on like lake hartwell for 100 200 000 for a couple of acres like right on the lake where you could like have your jet skis or your boat or whatever go right out into the

lake and and have access to all that so um it really depends on what part of colorado i go to and bandwidth is the deciding factor for that obviously denver is probably out of the question i bet stuff there i've noticed is very expensive. I think there's a place called Parkview I looked at or something like that. I looked at Aurora as well, I think, where they had that theater shooting with the Joker guy. Places like that seemed much

more reasonable. The Hartwell example, I bet you wouldn't have good internet there. No. Specifically where I was, I lived on Lake harville for several years there and uh we had it was like a local internet company called gum log cable gum log is like a little community there like like a township or whatever you would call it and it was atrocious it was like maybe two upload with like 15 download and it could be sketchy at times

yeah whereas now like i'm not sure about my exact numbers but it's close to a gig down and like several hundred up like when i went to download halo the other day it was like i don't remember what the initial up uh download was but let's call it 15 gigs. And then the campaign was another 20 gigs. I did that shit in like 15 minutes or something like that. It was so fast. When I was buying this house, I'd have to work with company. This one, and then I looked at another one too that was on the lake. And they're like, yeah, we don't offer service.

Like, you don't offer it now. Let's talk construction prices. And they'd be like, yeah, you know, way too much, you know, 40 grand. It's like, well, maybe, maybe, you know, I look at this house, add 40 grand to the cost of it and decide if I still want it. I just need to know what that number is. You know, you might be in the same situation. So you're like, this is the dream.

This is, it's 10 minutes from the grocery store, but it's 15 acres on the side of a mountain overlooking, you know, my version of heaven. I'll pay 40 grand more to make this place happen. Now, Kyle, little hint or a tip, rather, you should get somewhere close enough that you could go ski if you want. You know, I don't want to. So that I can fly to your house. I saw where that was going immediately. And then,

and, and ski from Kyle's. And it should have two guest rooms because I don't want to share with Taylor. Woody and I don't want to ski alone. Like, like this is a cabin kit, which is probably what I would do.

And let me see what this costs. I think this was 350,000. I love that. Around the entire house porch. That's really cool, dude. You throw some awesome parties for some perspective here. I rent a house in LA. It's a million dollar house with two other guys.

And those neighbors can probably hear me right now. And over here, the little kids wiffle ball wakes me up hitting my window in the morning. We have no space. It's tiny. It's dirty. There's bum shit all over the sidewalks. And that's a million dollar house.

This is pissing me off. This is what, 350? I was briefly. I was a million dollar house. That's a wait. L.A. million dollar house means ghetto. Absolutely not. So where do you want to be if you're not in L.A.?

Like a couple options really my only other place i could see myself living would be vegas which is close enough to la that for the comedy youtube scene i can make the commute it's about four hours from la and it's obviously no state income tax a lot less demand for housing that's the only other play but i think i'm just gonna stay in la and deal with it yeah yeah there's a lot of no no income to express for youtubers in la that might not have the same success somewhere else right it's not that they're not talented it's just that there's a big benefit to collaborating and having that environment and in the gaming world it seemed like california southern california

specifically had a bunch of conventions and you have some in the Call of Duty, for example. If you can play that game before it goes out and then you're making videos about your playing experience, people are interested. This is out of date now, but make it Valorant. Make it whatever. If you get early access and you get to attend these things, there's

some competitive advantage for you. Out here in North Carolina, everything involves six hours of things there's some competitive advantage for you out here in california i'm sorry in north carolina like everything involves six hours of flight and a day in advance and it's it's a disadvantage no absolutely woody collaborations i mean i collaborated with this channel called milk and that's what put me on the map as far as blowing up my viewership but the thing that people don't think about and which is really important for my channel which is all about filming out on the street in the wild is there's so many different climates terrains cities in california i drive two hours that way i have a desert i go 15 minutes that

way i have the pacific ocean there's a redwood forest to the north san francisco la so there's a ton of variety that you wouldn't get in a lot of other places and that's for me why i want to stay here that makes sense i get it yeah what was in your hand before the bigger red thing danny this is a pencil that i used for a comedy sketch and i don't even remember which one it was i thought it was a dildo i still choose to believe it could be oh yeah anything is if hoped. Oh, yeah. Anything is if you're brave enough. Anything is, correct, Kyle? Yeah, this is sanded down enough.

It wouldn't be a complete disaster. It would be a complete disaster. Once that eraser comes off. That hollow piece of metal on the back. We got another perforated colon. Guy tried to fuck himself with a pencil. So, Kyle, if you get off probation in five months or something, could you start looking for a place that soon?

Yeah. Would you think? You think that's a likelihood? Yeah. Yeah, I would immediately go to Colorado and start looking at houses. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be awesome. I hope they cut you loose.

I'm going to try to convince my dad to liquidate everything he has and move out there with me. He probably is resistant to that because he's probably spent his whole life in that. Oh, is he? I didn't know. He's the opposite. Good for him. I would have guessed like Taylor that he was deep roots there.

Nah, he don't care. He can make friends anywhere. Okay. Nice. So your dad would get his own place or you'd have like a yeah i'd like i'd like him to be close by but but i'm sure he could get on his you know get get himself a place and i'd get me a place and it'd be nice to have him nearby though um you know because i'm his favorite person and he's my favorite person so it'd be nice for us to live near each other yeah yeah but time zone thing makes a difference too right like

even if it's only two hours separates you more than you'd guess yeah yeah i suppose so um you know my sleep schedule is always bouncing around right now i'm pretty good though i look forward to that part of your journey yeah and the main thing like you said it's it's internet if i could find a place like out in the middle of nowhere with good internet i'd be down for that um it'd be i definitely would do some archery hunting you know out there in colorado that'd be fucking cool um by hunter s thompson's owl farm no owl farm is that what he called it hunter s thompson had a ranch in the middle of colorado that he would just get naked on his front porch get hammered and shoot guns off of.

I know he had an awesome, well, not awesome, probably very depressing. Yeah. Do that right here. Every day. That guy just got fucked up from start to finish.

You read his schedule. It's insane. I had a manager at a restaurant I worked at who used to work in Colorado. Hunter S. Thompson was their restaurant's regular client. He'd come in, he'd point to his water glass, and they'd come with a bottle of scotch and fill it up to the top.

A water glass. Jesus. Did he kill himself? Yep. Supposedly. My manager said, because I guess he got the inside scoop, he lived right down the street,

that Hunter S. Thompson called up his wife and made sure she was on the phone as he killed himself just to fuck with her what a dick what a bad you know he was in it for the bit he doesn't know how to committed on the surface you hear he gets drunk every day naked shooting guns or whatever and you think he's living his version of a perfect life but that's not a fun life I think he enjoyed it and it wasn't as drunk he'd do like 8 different drugs throughout the day

yeah come on Woody he was fucking up his dopamine to the point that if he wasn't on something he probably was depressed as shit that's why he killed himself I would imagine he was miserable my manager he was also a miserable alcoholic guy but he said Hunter S. Thompson was was a pathetic loser for the last five ten years of his life and then he wasn't even just an alcoholic you're right like he was into cocaine and acid

and ketamine yeah everything ketamine i don't even i know it's called special k and i know it's one of the intense drugs yeah an. An animal tranquilizer sounds, it probably feels great. I guarantee it feels great. I would love some AIDS. Yeah. You get how, how good a drug must feel based on how much someone's willing to lose in

their life. Like five years into it. If it's like heroin, it's like, God damn, people are willing to throw everything away for this, black tar you know whereas like cigarettes weed that's how i feel about an artist and their music right like if a guy's a pedophile his music must be top tier for us to Jesus right like the king of pop i'm playing his shit on my live streams right he's

overcome child rape where we're like yeah but i mean this song's good right we're on the same page i mean yeah songs good songs no one's ever they're great songs fucking thriller r kelly you know people like his stuff even though he's on video pissing on girls what was that kyle you'll remember what was that thing that r kelly said when he was exasperated in that interview when he was freaking out oh i don't recently i can't even remember it was funny though damn it i don't remember it i only watched it like once or twice but it was really funny he was struggling oh yeah he's he's in a lot of trouble this uh this is off of the pedophile music thing but um so i finished once upon a time in hollywood i watched that movie and it wasn't bad but it i think it's because i went into it with really really high expectations like this

might be his best movie like a lot of people saying stuff like that and what was it like reservoir dogs that was a tarantino right yeah yes that blew uh once upon a time in hollywood out of the water in my eyes as far as the quality of movie and how much it sucked me in like it was it was all right but i don't know it maybe it's because i uh split it into two watches like watch the first half and then watch the second half because i was trying to watch it with my girlfriend she she fell asleep yeah i think it's one of his better movies but i don't think it's his best i i definitely prefer pulp fiction and reservoir dogs in that order um i do love the Kill Bill movies, both of them, but I think I like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood better. It's real

close. I don't like Jackie Brown. I've never liked it. I want to check that one out next. And Inglourious Bastards and Hateful Eight. I'm not... I don't like either of them very much. I like them both, but they're not great.

Inglourious Bastards, I've talked about it before, but it's like I don't care about the other characters. I really want to focus on Brad Pitt and the Inglourious Bastards and see them do war stuff, but that's not Tarantino's style. And then Hateful Eight. Hateful Eight's like a big stage play, and I can appreciate parts of it for sure. The acting is really

fucking strong Kurt Russell is great but you know it drags a little bit and I loved it in 70mm because those the parts that are really boring and a lot of people shit on are like the landscape shots where they're following the wagon out in the snow for like

literally 3-4 minutes at a time dude in 70 millimeter that was like i mean i was high as fuck but i was just gobsmacked i was just like wow it looks incredible you know it looked great so that's what i loved about that one like i remember seeing that for the first time being like this is awesome and then like on rewatch like oh it's really this isn't as good as I remember. This is really, isn't that great.

You were great in it though. I, I, I couldn't believe they, they picked you for that film, but you did a great job. Thank you. Yeah.

As, as the bear Jew. No, no, not as the bear Jew as Monsieur Lapidite. Oh, I see him as a, that guy in sling blade personally but you know

you do you call it a cadre blade i call it a sling blade i taylor you have mentioned several times you're watching something with your girlfriend and fall asleep and she falls asleep i can just picture like the like let's grab a really thick comforter maybe some warm milk some turkey and uh you know we'll pop some melatonin and watch a movie is this the setup no no sleep earlier and and i you know as it was so late that night i was like i'm not watching another hour and a half of a fucking movie i'll watch a family episode and go to bed but the end was great though right oh the it see the the last 30 minutes of it was spectacular uh-huh that sucked me in i loved that there were just uh like who's the blonde woman margot robbie margot robbie her entire storyline i did not give a fuck i did it didn't

suck me in and in the end it ended up really not being that relevant. It was, in my opinion, like the reason that I felt like Margot Robbie's performance was so important to the movie, even though it was the smallest of all the performances, was you really needed to care about her character. You needed to love Sharon Tate and see her as this beautiful, like lighthearted person who's just sort of happy to be alive and really enjoying her life. And so that you could fear for her there in the closing scenes. Because if you know anything about, if you read Helter Skelter, if you know anything about the Manson murders, you know what's coming. They're going to murder this beautiful pregnant lady and paint the walls with her fucking blood. Literally. They're going to stab her 35 35 40 times or something and and you're just if they if they didn't focus on her at all and it was just sharing tape quote-unquote

all right well they're gonna kill her i guess but since it's margot robbie and she's so pretty and she's so uh i don't know likable i was just oh god i don't as we were getting close to the end of the movie i was getting nervous i was like i don't want them to kill margot robbie it's pension adding agent yeah it was another great scene is when they went to the farm right the horse farm with a smoking hot chick with a long armpit hair yeah well i didn't like that very much but um when she was actually the daughter from Kill Bill, Uma Thurman's daughter, B, that's her all grown up. The lady with the armpit hair. But yeah, that whole scene, they built so much tension there at the horse farm when he's like, I want to see my friend.

And this screen door, it ain't going me and she just like she's finally like all right fanning come on in yeah yeah Brad Pitt's fucking great he won the Oscar yeah yeah here's why I couldn't enjoy this one and I think we touched last time on all the anxieties and the stress I have as a YouTuber but the entire theme of that or at least for dicaprio's character was he's aging out he's getting shipped off to television to italy to do spaghetti westerns and the whole time i was in theaters i was just tripping out on my own career and how fragile it all is and it made it into a very stressful experience and i couldn't enjoy it like i enjoyed something like the hateful eight was just a fun escape in a snowy place.

So I like, well, you got to look at it as this was, this is the beginning of the resurgence of Leo's career, right? Cause that's the story, right? You know,

it's, it's him falling back in love with acting, getting his worth at work ethic together. And then at the very end, like making the connections that are going to propel his career past all those guys that he's playing second fiddle to. So, I mean, in the end, it was it was him succeeding him, him getting his career back and being propelled forward. I did like the the part of the movie when he's working on that Western with that little girl. Oh, that was excellent.

Yeah, that was a great scene. She's a tremendous actor for a little kid. Very incredible. Yeah, really was a great scene. She's a tremendous actor for a little kid. Very impressive. Yeah, really impressive, that little girl. But I liked after he fucked up his lines when he was talking to Timothy Oliphant or whatever. Who is the most Western-looking man on Earth? Yeah, man.

You can't go wrong casting that kind of Western. He looks tremendously old. He does. He looks great. But when he goes back into his trailer and he's having like a manic breakdown and like yelling at himself in the mirror you have a fucking drink i'm gonna shoot you in the fucking head i'm gonna fucking kill you i'm gonna kill you tonight if you have a drink i'm never

drinking again you gotta get it together and then like it fast cut and he's like no no no you're fucking up your lines and it makes it look like you didn't practice and you did you did fucking practice you're fucking up because you're drunk and you forgot your lines you never you drink again i'm gonna kill you and then drinking and then spitting it out screaming at himself i really liked that it was he sold it as like a guy who's got a substance problem and is like like internal battling That was a really good scene. Yeah. Kyle, your critical analysis is making me want to go back and rewatch it.

But on a similar topic, have you guys heard the rumors about Leonardo DiCaprio's sexual proclivities? In LA, you hear a lot about this stuff. But he's single. No, tell me. Can we speculate? Can I just maybe slander an A-list movie star? I mean, he watches the show, but I'm sure he'd be okay with it. No, tell me. Can we speculate? Can I just maybe slander an A-list movie star? I mean, he watches the show, but I'm sure he'd be okay.

No, not on this show. And I also went after Tony Ferguson last time, which was a much more dangerous, physically speaking, endeavor. You'll come after me. Leo, it was great meeting you in the $50 hangout. You tweet something right now at Tony Ferguson like, hey, you look pretty weak in there. Old man.

He's coming for you. He's coming for you. I don't think he has the ability to read a tweet after what happened to him in the fifth round against Gaethje. With his good eye. I worry for that guy. Every round. Every round. Yeah.

He looked really tough. He could take a punch. All right. So people don't know. Tell me about Leo. Oh, I'm sorry. Let's talk about Leo, too, but we'll circle back It's funny enough

I'm sorry, we're doing UFC then Leo? I'm flexible, but that's what I thought Let's do it Alright, so Tony Ferguson We've all been very excited about him on the show He's a legitimate crazy person Scratching at his walls to get at the voices

Thinking people are after his children Look look it's a sad mental health issue in real life but it's great on your television it's you know it to think that there's a crazy person in the ufc who fights for a living and he's good at it really good at it going for his title shot he went up against gaethje and uh i i just thought gaethje's boxing would be too much tony ferguson gets hit all the time and no one focuses on the fact that he's like flash knocked out so many fights and i'm like against the guy who hits and like gaethje it's gonna be trouble and it was he took 10 years off his life with this fight. This corner never threw in the towel. I think maybe they should have.

His corner seemed incompetent. I don't know what the head coach was saying, but it was just craziness and weirdness, and Tony Ferguson got beat up bad. I am afraid, based on that reaction I saw, to Gaethje's final left hook. Whatever tunnels the neurons were supposed to fire through in his brain, those tunnels were collapsing when he did that head shake,

when he involuntarily spasmed three seconds after the punch. That was scary. Maybe he was shaking blood out of his eyes. The man's insane. Maybe he was saying, no, that didn't hurt. That didn't hurt. Always the optimist. Maybe he was powering up his chi.

I don't know what he's doing. He was about to use the chi offense. And he probably was like, charge it! Charge it! He's just... Shaking his head. What a great night of fights, though. Very little...

Very little, because it was unprecedented, obviously, other than an ultimate. Very little because it was unprecedented, obviously, other than like an ultimate fighter. But very little was lost from the lack of a crowd. I enjoyed that card as much as I've enjoyed any card in the last two years, probably. I think I prefer. Jon Jones calling out in Gano. Did you see that?

I didn't. Wow. Wow. A dangerous move. So I'm out of date. So what happened was Jones was excited about someone oh it was OV

OSP right so OSP St. Preux something close to that yeah that guy was fighting in heavyweight

he moved from 205 to heavyweight and he's at 240 pounds which one might presume Jones is all the time you know when he's not cutting weight and

he's like man watching him, seeing myself in there, it's just like a dream I might make reality. And Ngannou said something like, you know, I'll give you reality. Did he reply to that? Oh, no, they had a very respectful back and forth where Jones said something like, he asked his audience on Twitter, how do you think that Ngano would match up against my speed and my skill set and everything? And then Ngano, he's like, I would have to get paid though.

And Ngano comes back and he's like, I agree with you. You've cleared out 205. You've got nothing to prove there. But if you step up to me, they're going to have to pay us. And then they had like a back and forth like that not with like no shit talking no like having try not to crash your car

on the way to the ring or anything like that it was just very respectful and both of them basically agreeing to fight each other if the money's there so john jones according to popular opinion has lost two of his last three fights. He beat Anthony Smith. Is that his name? The white guy? White Hart. He lost to the guy who had two bad knees. Santos. He lost to another guy, too. I'm trying to remember

his name. Matt Hamill. No, no, no. In the media scores and in the popular opinion scores, two of his last three fights. Oh, no. I don't know about the last two. The two you mentioned were the two that he lost. I thought he was handling it.

He's only lost once, and it was the elbow disqualification. But what Woody is saying is, as a fan, he felt like that Jones was the loser of the fight, despite what the judges had to say. I think he lost his last fight, according to me, not according to the judges. Reyes, wasn't reyes and tiago santos so his last two fights these two most recent fights the popular opinion is that he got the benefit of the doubt because he's the champ um kyle saying it's me but it's like it's i think if i look at the media scores and the

popular opinion scores people seem to think that Jones, you split decision on Santos and Reyes, he had an unanimous decision, but people felt like Reyes actually won that. No, I agree. I wasn't saying that it's just you. I agree. There is definitely, I think they did a big poll on our MMA, and it came back with 40% thinking more people thought jones won than lost

but but a large percentage of people thought he lost like larger than you would want if you're jones right i thought he lost his last one i thought he eked out enough against um santos to get the win because santos was literally crippled at the end like like if we're fighting out in the desert like jones is going to eat that keep keep going until one of them is dead, and it's going to be Jones alive. Okay. So it's weird. Simultaneously, he has cleared out the 205 division. I don't know who's even interesting left for him to fight.

Is he going to fight the – who just beat Anthony Smith, the big Brazilian dude? Glover. Teixeira. Is he going to fight Teixeira Glover again? Is that his name? Glover Teixeira, I thought. The degree to which I give a fuck about that fight versus Ngannou is minuscule. Perfect.

Ngannou murdered a man Saturday night. Yes. I was in the kitchen and I heard the fight. They were doing like the, are you ready? Are you ready? And I ran from the kitchen into the living room because I knew. I was like, I heard the fight. They were doing like the, are you ready? Are you ready? And I ran from the kitchen into the living room. Cause I knew I was like, I'm gone. It was fighting.

Like I like slid into the fucking living, living room. The fight was 30 seconds long. If that I'm going to stormed him and hit him with like a Mike Tyson level punch. I want to talk about Mike Tyson. As soon as we're done talking about what we're talking about right now, though, it was, but he hit him so fucking hard the guy was knocked out for an extended period of time it wasn't was flash knockouts

where oh he can't defend himself and then he hops up after five seconds he was unconscious for a very long period of time and his feet weren't even set when he threw that left hand in Ghanu it was like the fourth punch in the flurry yeah he was moving forward throwing those shots

yeah crazy crazy i'd love to see him fight john jones but only because i don't like john jones a lot of people when they don't like a fighter they're like ah don't give him that fight not me like feed him to the lions how about he fights mayweather made millions with that with that play style okay yeah i i mean if i see a fighter who's a real dick, maybe eye pokes too much, put him in there with Jon Jones. Let Jon Jones rape him. Mike Tyson's coming back.

To what? Don't believe it. I do. Mike Tyson said the gods of war have called him and they want him to come back. Holyfield says he's coming back too. They should fight. They absolutely should fight mike tyson will destroy fucking holy field did you see mike on the mitts yes yeah dude he's like 57 and he's ferocious 53 53 and he looked ferocious on the mitts he still has a lot of speed he still

has the head movement yeah no one's fast he's unbelievably fast he might be on trt he looked 30 i saw that clip it was terrifying i agree yeah i usually when i watch striking i have a hard time distinguishing between great striking and regular striking everyone says adesanya is amazing in his striking and i'm like well i can see that it's working but it looks like everyone else mostly tyson striking looks different my god his head movement the way that he gets to the side of you, the way that he gets to the... He's a short guy, and he's really short. 5'11 1⁄2".

Okay, and he's a little bigger than I thought, but compared to other heavyweights, he's really short. And, you know, the way that he... So he always has to get on the inside for the fight to be in his wheelhouse. And the way that he makes that happen with his footwork like anyone watching it can see that he's special yeah i'd love to see him fight i'd love to see him fight anybody whoever they can drag up and let him fight i'd like i'd like

to see him fight a 28 year old guy who's like eight no or something like that for three rounds i love that too you think it'll take him three? I think if it takes him five, he's got a problem. I think if it takes him five, he might have a problem too. But I don't think it will take him five. That was never Mike's style. Mike was always about getting in there and destroying. I was watching

Joe talk about him, and Joe referenced his fight against Frazier Jr. The Junior Frazier, not Joe Frazier Jr. Not, well, he wasn't the junior. I mean, the junior Frazier, not Joe Frazier Jr. It was Joe Frazier's son. And he was like, you ever see that fight?

It's like an execution. Mike didn't even wear a robe. He didn't even bring a towel out with him. He didn't wear socks. He knew it was going to be over before he could break a sweat. And I'm like, well, I got to watch this. I pulled it up on YouTube. Sure enough, Mike just walks out with shorts on and his boxing shoes on and

executes the man in less than 30 fucking seconds. Then seemingly, he's mad at everyone. He's screaming at somebody in the audience. Crazy Mike was fun. You might have been young look for his when he was like fighting but i was in high school and it was a cultural event everybody was talking just everyone in my high school would debate over whether they'd fight mike tyson for a million dollars that was the thing that was like the popular topic all of culture centered around mike tyson mike tyson's video game mike tyson this mike tyson that he was like he was huge he was he was the

center of american culture american boxing was a really big thing uh it was pretty neat and and people after a couple pay-per-views of watching him just slaughter people they're like man 50 bucks for 90 seconds maybe it's not worth it yeah yeah and then i um i watched him fight uh lennox lewis on pay-per-view uh we had a big like viewing party he lost that i think yeah he did lose that yeah i mean lennox lewis was quite a few years younger and he had some skills that mike couldn't deal with he's so tall and long he came along later is the age difference that big i'm not very sure and i don't want to look i don't know what the age difference is but mike's definitely older okay um but yeah i i anybody who's listening like i'm i don't want us to show it and get any kind of kerfuffle but like just youtube search mike tyson hitting mitts and

make sure you've clicked the one that's from like a week ago or something like that he looks ferocious did you see him teaching ngana how to fight i did that was neat and it was like i couldn't relate to ngana maybe i'm just not enough strong enough boxer but god is like i have a real hard time moving to my right and tyson's like huh like yeah yeah i can't i can't move right and even i'm like what's hard about moving right show us show us how you do it and then we'll see where the challenge is he never did it it's like how do you even get through how do you shop for groceries without moving to your right like the zoolander of mma yeah and tyson's showing him how to get on the inside which was amazing but not something in

garner needs to do because he's so big so tell me about leonardo leonardo dicaprio's proclivities okay so first of all this is all hearsay coming from my buddy who's also named leo he's a guy who's on my channel all the time leo my buddy leo he is big into the acting circles he lives in la he has a commercial agent is always going to acting classes so he hears things he told me about jeremy renner's side bitch some redheaded girl who jeremy renner like rents out a room with the four seasons and just does coke off her ass and then fucks her and kicks her out i heard about leonardo dicaprio having a penchant for wearing bow's headphones and just laying on his back and like listening to opera while 18 year old chicks write him and i even heard what a monster but no i but like i even heard that he's not opposed to

driving out to las vegas nevada the fabulous las vegas nevada and fucking 16 year old girls there where it is in fact legal to do so all right leo my man a man of terror yeah but i hear that bitch can barely drive but she can ride the beethoven smith bitch the 16 year old thing is a little young it's a little too young even though it's legal i i'm not a huge fan 18 we've just decided the society get out of the bronze. 18. We've just decided the society. Get out of the bronze age. No. 18. We've just decided is okay as a society.

And the thing is Leo's single, right? Like this is the contract that he has with all these girls. None of them are crazy enough to think they're his only true love. Except for the Victoria Seeger model who smashed a bottle on his face in a restaurant. He went to court because some crazy jealous model girl came at him with a bottle and he had to get reconstructive surgery on his face. It's true. Yikes.

I did not know that. It's true. It's on his Wikipedia. I have seen that infographic of him that it shows that he will never date a woman after 25. Let me find this infographic. That's it. That's awesome. Okay, we can.

I like him so much more now. I found it. Kyle loves it. I love that, yeah. I'm not even sure if he listens to classical i just added that in because i sensed the story didn't have as uh as much legs to stand on as i thought it did all right here here's just the image itself woody let's check this out let's check this out so it shows it shows the year and then the woman and it shows her. And as soon as they get to 25,

he cashes them in like on a car. Just done. They show his age at the top and his girlfriend's age. And it's like, you did, you did. Yeah, his girlfriend, who he started dating when she was 18 in 1999, like, chick is 40 now, and he's now dating a 21-year-old. So, you know, big ups.

Yeah. Leo. Pretty, you know, pretty big dick shit here. Gisele Blunchkin, that's Tom Brady's woman. I wonder if they talk about that and if Tom Brady and Gisele talk about the Leo days. She was with Leonardo Diardo dicaprio and

now she's tom brady's girl yeah that's pretty well known i i'm not in those circles i don't know yeah tom brady is fucking leonardo dicaprio's first piece of ass so she was married on someone richer than leo to marry richer more talented yeah absolutely it's the only step up you can get from leonardo dicaprio leonard dicaprio is not hot like he's not hollywood hot he doesn't have a hollywood body he just people just love his acting he's got a good looking face like he's definitely way above average better looking than any of us. That's for fucking sure. Yeah. We're talking about Hollywood hot. Yeah. We would all be Hollywood hideous.

Okay, wait a minute. Jonah Hill is Hollywood hot. Girls want to fuck him because he's in movies. Is he that good looking, Taylor? If I'm playing a mobster three in Slovenia, I have no chance. There's no way.

If I put on a tracksuit and I squat, I could pull off Russian if I have no chance. There's no way. If I put on a tracksuit and I squat, I could pull off Russian if I keep this haircut. Does that link work? What do we got here, Woody? Just Leonardo DiCaprio's image search on Google. Yeah, I think he's a good-looking guy there. Yeah, he's a good-looking guy. Even if he was an investment

banker, he would get a lot of pussy when he went out to bars. He was a great looking kid but i don't know maybe maybe my standards are too high he's a good looking guy okay maybe maybe maybe you're right who jumps out at you woody as far as guys like we're like man that's hollywood hot like not not brad pitts like other uh the dude that plays thor the dude that plays captain america they're hollywood hot um yeah they get these the dude that plays thor's brother i'm pretty good with actors names oh if you're as jacked as those guys too like they've got the perfect body uh the dude that plays daredevil um ben affleck no oh wait i said daredevil who dead Affleck? No. Oh, wait. I said Daredevil.

Deadpool is what I meant. Ryan Gosling? Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds is Hollywood hot. Ryan Gosling, for that matter, is also Hollywood hot. These are the hot heartthrobs to me. If you go back a little bit, like Val Kilmer used to be hot.

Tom Cruise used to be hot. Doesn't Val Kilmer look terrible now? Isn't that a thing? He does. Yeah. I don't know what happened to him. Does he have some excuse? I heard Brendan Fraser, who used to be hot, has an injury or something? He can't exercise? He looks like he's

evolving into a different person entirely. Let me see this Val Kilmer situation. Yeah, but in Val Kilmer 2020, Val Kilmer absolutely looks like he's halfway through transforming into a different person. He does. He looks perfect. Yeah. Doesn't the man have laryngitis or cancer or something? Leave him alone. He might, actually. There's a picture here with something around his neck.

Oh, he's got a stoma around his neck. You son of a bitch. I can't tell if it's alcoholism or plastic surgery. I'm confused here. My guess is plastic surgery. Something feline. When people get bad plastic surgery, they get a little feline looking.

Yeah. Well, the two things aren't exclusive to each other, to be fair. He had some kind of throat cancer. Was he a smoker or something? I don't know if he was a smoker, but yeah yeah he had some sort of cancer and it really fucked his voice up that's a really bad draw if you're not even a smoker like charlie's mom yep she fakes cancer so well you know i watched the new episode of rick and morty i agree with you it it wasn't terrible but it wasn't great yeah it was just all right um rick and morty has lost my enthusiasm right i'll probably watch the episodes this year but i'm not like waiting for rick and it used to be like after the second season ended right rick was all bound up they had him locked like he was trapped and

this guy who seemed to have no conscience made a decision that benefited people other than himself at the end of season two by getting himself like incarcerated in some way and i'm engaged i can't wait for the next season to happen and it's 18 months away and it's like oh my god how how will i live without rick and morty for 18 months now i don't's like, oh my God, how will I live without Rick and Morty for 18 months? Now? I don't know. I'm more excited about the next Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I'm not that excited about that.

I also... Oh, go ahead, Kyle. I was going to say, I also watched the newest season of The Last Kingdom. Always a really good show. It's great to watch that. Yeah. I'm going to have to re-watch a couple seasons of it

to recall everything that was going on. But it was a great show. They have one of those really good show it's great to watch that yeah i i'm gonna have to re-watch a couple seasons of it to recall everything that was going on but it was a great show they have one of those really good like if you begin season whatever we're on for maybe you know the recap really goes in depth and it breaks things down it doesn't oh yeah somehow i just don't give a fuck about the characters like i am utrid son of utrid it's my destiny to have this unpronounceable city be under my rule. Bebbanburg. What is it? Bebbanburg. Bebbanburg.

See? Unpronounceable. And I need to go take it over. And I guess they just spend show after show watching Bebbanburg get stronger and weaker and trying to time their attack. I don't know. Yawn. That show's losing me. Sorry to backtrack a little bit, but as comedy fans, can you guys explain to me the appeal of Rick and Morty? I know the guy Dan Harmon who created it did Community, which was a pretty funny show.

It was a little corny, but it was well written, and they did a lot of creative stuff. What's the hook? You hated Community? Yeah, Community's awful. I liked it more than Kyle did. I've never watched an episode it did some cool stuff the parodies of various great movies books that sort of thing well i guess they took that from the simpsons that wasn't entirely original but they did it well a couple of times what's the hook on rick and morty i mean have you watched the see have you watched it i haven't watched a single episode the relationship between

rick and morty think, is the highlight. So Morty is the grandson. Rick is the genius scientist grandfather. So you ever see Back to the Future? When I was a child. Okay. So it's based on the relationship between Doc and Marty, which Doc Brown becomes Rick and Marty becomes Morty so that they don't

get sued. And instead of traveling through time, they're traveling to other dimensions. And Rick is the smartest guy in the universe. So he's sort of, he's the smartest guy in the universe and he knows it. He's a narcissist who only cares about himself. Yet every so often there's a hint that he cares about his grandson too. And then there's a lot of hints that he really doesn't and he just treats him like garbage. And I like watching their relationship evolve.

It's very good, especially the first two seasons. They're fucking excellent. Yeah, I think you'd like the first two years. Yeah, it's very funny. Is it writing solid? Okay. Yeah, it's really good. The first two are good.

The third one lost me a bit because they had some writing changes but something I'm like scrolling by on Hulu constantly now is a new show from him called Solar Opposites and it looks exactly the same as Rick and Morty like the exact same yeah the animation style

and the you know the fantasy aspect of it has anybody watched any of that no it looks i'm not a big fan of dan harman and like his the stuff he's done i just like rick and morty community was corny as shit i'm realizing that now that you've just said you hated it i tried to get through season one and i was just like this show isn't funny or smart it's sarcastic yeah and there's a difference like like they they at no point did i even smirk watching that fucking show and it's got chevy chase in it who i'm a massive fan of and i even like joel mckale

to some extent yeah i write it into that the writing stunk of we're all smart here in the writing room here's a smart joke it was nerdy humor i don't tend to like nerdy humor yeah we're alphas we're cool athletes and alphas. I joke about rape and molestation. There wasn't enough of that on Community. No, not even a smethering of rape or molestation. Taylor just

doesn't like Season 3 because he heard some women might have wrote a few episodes. Well, I'm on board with him on that, actually. Yeah, sure. But more so, watch those episodes and then re-watch season one and two. Tell me there's not a stark difference in the funniness. There is.

Because of the women writers? Because they changed their writers. It's not about me. It's about changing away from you. Thank you. I'm sure that he had some had some funny ass ideas on always sunny this bad joke smells of pussy i'm on board you guys want to compare the merit of recent female stand-up comedy specials on netflix versus those don't you try to tell me the ghostbusters wasn't great it's laugh after laugh you know just

it's the new ghostbusters out did i miss it um it's been out for a very long time i think there was a it got one character named milo yiannopoulos kicked off twitter i believe i think that you guys don't know about the new ghostbusters oh there's a brand new ghostbusters with the children and it's egon's grandson. And it has a Bill Murray. Dude, you haven't seen the trailer. I have. I'm just talking to Taylor. Because Taylor said they made another one. If you see the new trailer, you'll be

pulled in. It is riveting. And they almost take a shot at the bad Ghostbusters. They're like, so nothing's happened since 1984? And they're, right. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.

Not a ghost has been spotted since 84. I can't find the Ghostbusters new. What do you look for? I can't find it eitherbusters new. What do you look for? I can't find it either. I'm scouring Wikipedia. It was a good trailer, though. It did intrigue me. I don't like movies about fucking children.

I don't like children. It's one of the reasons I dislike most of everything Steven Spielberg's ever made. He always wants to tell things from a child's point of view. Even Jurassic Park, if you really break it down, we're still focusing on those fucking kids. I don't fucking care. I don't care.

Give Goldblum some more screen time. Get Sam Jackson in there a little more often. Where's Newman? Yes. Ghostbusters Afterlife has been delayed from July to March 2020 and 21. So maybe all those actors will be a little bit older, Kyle. Jesus Christ.

I doubt it. I don't know if they filmed it. It would be fucking hilarious if like, you know how they film movies out of order? If they got older and younger throughout the film. Yeah, they just bounce back and forth. This one's played by a 12-year-old and this one's played by a 9-year-old.

You know, shit happens. So many of Steven Spielberg movies, I'm just like, this isn't fucking... I don't care. I don't fucking care about these fucking children. E.T. is garbage. I just rewatched it, and I was appalled at how people could critically acclaim that thing.

I hated it when I rewatched it. I watched it when I waswatched it. I was seven and I liked it then. You just wanted to fuck Drew Barrymore. That's what seven year old me was thinking. I don't know what I want to do but I'm tingling down there. She's got the Reese's Pieces and she's after me.

I was the target audience for E.T. when it came out. When E.T. was new I was I'll make it up nine or something like that. I loved it but I haven't seen it since. And then he went back and edited it and took the guns away from the feds and gave

them fucking radios. I never liked that. I never liked that. That is so lame. What's at stake? They're going to walkie-talkie and say, go faster and catch the alien? Faster, ET.T. They'll tell on us.

Yeah. Taylor. I mean, I would be offended if the policeman had guns here in America. Yeah. Yeah. They should be walking around like fucking stormtroopers. Really? I saw a good shooting.

It was like back to back. Right. So I think we watched it on the show one time. But there was a guy with a knife and the policeman was like 60 feet away. He's yelling, put the knife down, put the knife down. The guy with the knife comes towards the cop.

The cop walks backwards. Put the knife, put the knife down. Guy doesn't do it. He starts sprinting at the cop. Maybe he's within 12 feet the cop opens fire and shoots the dude that's a good shooting right you can't charge policemen with knives etc and then i watched them handle it in the uk where they don't have guns thank god he was attacking fucking bruce lee or something the guy whips out a baton and beats a knife wielder.

Oh, it's a sword fight you like, eh? Yeah. He's like batting him on the hand. He makes him drop the knife. He's backhanding him, hitting him in the hand, hitting him in the chest. That'd be great if they carried broadswords

like fucking Bray Martin. He's got a claymore with two-handed. Eventually, the criminal was asking the guy to stop beating him with the baton and he cuffed him. But my goodness, we have policemen that are... What if you're an overweight woman cop? Does every cop have to be like 31 years old and trained in martial arts?

If you don't give them a gun, they absolutely do. Have you seen... We watched that one clip. It was like four women swedish cops or something like my guy who who like a refugee whatever the hell from from somewhere like somalia or something like was wanting to fuck shit up in some parking lot and he was single-handedly like they'd come over and just kind of be like get out out of here. Get out of here. Can't you see I'm throwing bricks at random cars?

You know what? I'm going to take two seconds away from destroying this property to beat the ever loving shit out of two of you. And then the like stand back. And at one point he's chasing them. And it's like the fucking, uh, you know,

that music around the fucking, you know, that... Like the music around the fucking car. And then only when two cops who look like they know what the fuck they're doing, like big guys get there, does it settle down? Or maybe that's a different video. I'm mixing them up and he just continues to rampage. I don't think there was an end to the one where he's beating up four women. Yeah. They just left.

And if you can't beat up a Somali, which based on nutritional deficiencies, probably the easiest country to beat up a guy from, you're fucked, ladies. He looked Syrian. He looked hardy. He was a hardy. Pirates, yay! I talked to my wife

about this video, and she's like, well, what if he just paired the female cops with the guy cops? And I'm like, what, did he lose a bet? Why does he just paired the female cops with the guy cops and i'm like what do you lose a bet why does he have to be paired up with this fucking retarded incompetent woman cop like what is it why is he being punished to have such a terrible partner i know this is a group project on math somehow but just pair me with the asian kids bear me in there i'll just be a stone tied to their leg the entire we have a dog too to at least that's not a half bad thought if all the women were canine cops well then even then there's a problem because it means they have to use the dog over perhaps

less aggressive tools you know it'll be funny as if to hit female quotas in the police departments they just counted female dogs oh i love that idea no we're full of the brima bitches why does this precinct have 27 hamsters i don't want to know i just went down to the dormitory i saw our officer martinez the new female police officer yeah yeah she's I saw Officer Martinez, the new female police officer. Yeah, yeah. She's a nice girl, huh? Yeah.

She's a real bitch. She's a German shepherd. That's right. That's right. Officer Martinez. She's a bitch. We're very diverse here. She's from Germany. Yes, she is.

Do they genuinely pair up man and woman officers? Because the affair rate's got to be up in the 90s. Oh, absolutely. It's required in some places, and I guarantee those people are fucking... They're hanging out in a car all day together. Or all night staking out some drug dealer's apartment. They're getting at least hand jobs. Somebody's getting some handies in there.

You're right. That's not good for stakeouts. They got to hose that upholstery down every night. Like the back of an Iranian cabbie's cabin. Do what you will. Just do not sick Officer Martinez again.

It'd be funny if they counted animals. I just picture fish tanks popping up they do treat them as officers like terrarium are all female terrarium if you fuck up a police job they get you for assaulting a police officer i know yeah and does that count all the way to murder no no no they call you like at the end of the day it's a fucking dog come on right i like dogs more than more than most most people right who else does tony soprano that's that was that was

okay there was there was one scene i'm watching sopranos for the first time ever danny and i'm i haven't watched it oh it's it's fantastic. It's a fucking 20-year-old show, so you can spoil it. There was one scene when, this was a bit ago, Kyle, when Chris Moltisanti, or Montisanti, whichever one it is. Moltisanti.

Taylor, I'm going to have to hear your Italian accent at some point during this story. He was high on heroin. No opportunity for an accent because he was high on heroin no opportunity for an accident because he was out on heroin and when his girlfriend comes home and she is like corset where's the dog where's the fucking dog where's corset and she's walking around there and i was and it just shows a picture of him passed out on heroin and i was like if the dog is dead because he sat on it that is going to be so funny and literally as i'm thinking that the shot you know uh adriana comes out it's like

chrissy where's where's corset where's corset and then she looks and there's just part of like the back legs sticking out of under him and she goes oh my god chrissy get up get up and there's just a dead dog under him he goes yeah go ahead he must have crawled under there for warmth or something he's like he has no ability i love i like that about him he has no ability to apologize at all like she gets in a horrible car accident and she's in a neck brace and he picks her up from the hospital he's like oh you know what fuck people are fucking talking about this out on the fucking street aid you were out there with tony you know what this fucking makes me look like makes me look like a fucking bitch you don't get the fuck out of my house and she's like i'm so

sorry chrissy i'm so fucking broken up he fucking belts her two or three and then drags her out of the house by her fucking hair does she ever hook up with tony no no never no nothing happened but they get on the brink a couple times where they were like in the back of the bada bing one time right yeah yeah and like they're about to kiss they're doing coke together they're yeah they're in the back of the crazy horse uh her nightclub and uh they get close then they get interrupted and then uh when they had the car accident they were driving upstate to get some cocaine and he had a car accident because of some roadkill or something

a raccoon maybe yeah it was that's what it was as soon as we're done with this episode I'm popping back to watch more I'm so into this show Tony Soprano being willing to hook up with chrissy's fiance at that point at this yeah fiance and and i think wife at one point

no shows oh never wife nope not with the crazy horse part they weren't married never then okay uh anyway his willingness to to mess with that guy's girl like said something about tony soprano to me. He was resistant to it. He knew it was wrong, but he was having that midlife crisis. He had the cancer, his potential cancer. His wife had left him. He was out on his own.

He was in a real vulnerable spot. And he was doing his best to try to not do that. And inevitably, he didn't. His best was not very convincing. He to be yeah well he didn't fuck her to that door he could have fucked her if he wanted because you know the power dynamic there but something yeah she's weak he's got those man hands he could have just just beat the shit out of her if he wanted yeah but i like like the biggest thing i've taken away from this is i want to be the kind of guy who, when I get stressed out, I just go munch on cold cuts. Cause that's the kind of guy Tony Soprano is.

And it's like the funniest way, like stereotypical for like, he'll just go and start eating gabagool right out of the fridge. Like, and it looks really good. That's how we build a Soprano physique, right? That's how you get a Soprano physique.

It's like, you're stressed out. I'm going to fucking eat 15 slices of gabagool. Yeah. Which is a very easy amount to eat. Capicola is so good. You could eat so much of that. I love cold cuts.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's great. It makes me hungry when they're in that meat shop. Because, you know, real butchered meat is so fucking good. Especially, like, real good Italian sausages and stuff. I like just ham and turkey. Like, really thinly sliced turkey like especially if it's like uh cajun or uh um something spicy i really like or just honey

ham i love that shit you know what sucks olive loaf yeah that's gross what the fuck dude who came up with that someone who didn't have meat yeah Yeah, dicks. We got olives. What do we do? We got olives on the loaf. Giuseppe, track you with me on this. We got the loaves and we got the olives.

And that's all we got, Giuseppe. So Danny, you're tied into the Hollywood gossip line, it seems. Got anything else cool? Oh, now you're putting me on the spot. Who's gay? I already sensed that, and based on Kyle's reaction, I think this is true, my Leonardo DiCaprio gossip was a little less sensational than I remembered it being.

Yeah, him listening to headphones and fucking 18-year-'t that spectacular so i uh who doesn't do that i side card on my jason renner story which is my only other good one my favorite one is that sylvester stallone's kink is to make ladies sit under a uh no he gets under a glass table like a coffee table and he has them stand on the table, squat, and shit. Glass bottom boat, yeah. It's a pretty normal thing. Did you make up glass bottom boat on the spot, or is that a thing?

I'm pretty sure it's called a glass bottom boat. Maybe, I don't know. That is one of the strangest kinks, is being into poop. I think imagine being the host of that Airbnb and just coming in like the fuck. Come on, Rocky. What did you do? There's just shit ropes in that little tiny space between the glass and the frame of the table.

Oh, you never get that out. You're never going to get that shit out of there and you know that he has special dietary demands for the bitches before they shit oh yeah nothing but kimchi for a week what do you think that is do you think that sylvester sloan he wore out the appeal of hot 18 19 year old pussy in the 80s in the 90s he switched to anal. And then in the two thousands, he's bored with anal and he's going to take it to the next level. What else has left the coffee table? Is that how it progresses?

You're making a lot of sense. Like that. Like it might, it's probably just the same thing as like people who watch crazier and crazier and crazier porn, you know, that sensitized and weirder and weirder to get off. And he might've done that in real life where it's like,

yeah, I can't just look them anymore. I i gotta have him shoot on the table it's because we don't have access to that kind of escalation that a hollywood alice movie star has so yeah i'm sure guys like donald trump god fucking knows what donald trump does behind closed doors with hot bitches i don't know all right i could picture the KFC gravy. You know what I want to see? Yeah. Don't use all of it. I want to eat it. Yeah.

So I can picture him. The whole drumstick. Let's go. You know how Mac has that scene and it's always sunny when he hires a prostitute to pretend to have sex with him in the back room? Yes. Because he wants to look alpha and cool. Yes. Because he wants to look alpha and cool.

I was saying earlier while you were going, and straight, that I could totally see Trump doing that, where he hires some prostitute, and then he just goes in there and eats three extra large Domino's pizza. He comes out like, That was a ton of fun. I fucking loved it. Tell him. Tell him the kind of dick I gave you. It's like, Mr. President, you've got marinara all over your face.

That's just part of what I'm into. It's just part of it. I will tell you this you this though i will tell you this i did dr pay a little bit she ate all of the garlic sauce i specifically asked my friend papa john i said before you say the n-word again sneak another one of those into my body all right dude those garlic butters are so delicious oh my god and the little little pepper it comes with it's only good for like two bites but still that that little cup of garlic butter is only good for like one breadstick or one like, you know, I eat the pizza and then I've got the crust and I dip the crust in there.

And it's like after one crust, it's gone. Now I just got to like drink it. And if you ask them and if you tell them I'll pay for a bottle of Diet Coke if you dump it out and fill it with garlic. They say, you're not in our delivery area let's see this is office max stop calling if you don't mind giving me the dodge if you guys don't mind me backtracking to the topic of sexual escalation for a second i had something go on you guys are wiser older men than

myself i don't know if i'm in some trouble here so my buddy recently said that he knew a girl who said that girlfriends and girls in general when they're hooking up steadily with a guy shouldn't play with the guy's ass because then eventually that's going to be required every time to get him off and i'm worried because my girlfriend started eating my ass right away in the relationship. And now a lot of times, okay, all the time, I'm just trying to give myself an out if she hears this. Almost every time I have sex with her missionary, I got a picture of some other girl licking my ass or sticking a finger on my ass or putting some sort of large

pencil up my ass hypothetically don't let anyone tell you you're not normal this is you know you're halfway down that escalation path and that's can anybody relate to me here is there any way back from this road i'm venturing back no this is a one-way street motherfucker am i gonna be underneath the coffee table soon i think there is a way back from that but think of it like one of those speedwalkers at the airport you're already on there you're going to have to do some serious sprinting the other way to undo

the damage you've already done and so you're going to have to go abstinent or something get beat off to handmaiden's tale I don't know the premise of the question is wrong Dan you asked the question as if there was some reason you'd want to go back no you're on the path to greatness danny you you want to keep going down this way until you're that one dirty scene in deadpool where she's

fucking him in the ass this is a slippery slope and you enjoy every step exactly as long as those girls i pretend are licking my ass or over the age of 18 right no you can pretend whatever you want nobody can send you to jail it could be a farm animal danny and really you just have to discover better and better lubes you work your way down from the you know the water base to the silicone base and then follow around oh it's no, no, no. Is anybody taking a build-up the ass here from the woman? It is not as simple as silicone is better, right? Here's the deal.

Water-based starts better. It's more slippery, but it turns into glue. Silicone-based does not start as slippery, but it stays that slippery for days. It's good for like 3,000 miles. You're going to be in traffic a week later. Scooching around. Slippery as fuck. This is me in traffic three weeks after Danny Mullen sex, right?

Just shifting around on my slippery butt. So you have to pick the lube that's right for the situation, right? Wet platinum. If you're putting that big pencil in your butt. Not the flavored kind. Maybe you want a water-based one because it's even slipperier. And then are we referring to anal applications

or vaginal? Either one. Both. Whatever you want, man. Become a lube expert and figure out what fits the... Get right near you with that stuff. It's so slippery.

I feel like you're being a little cryptic here. Have any of you guys taken a delto up the ass or is that gay or what? Not to deal with. or what not done that but how was your experience i haven't done it yet but my girlfriend says she wants to and i'm afraid the first time i'm drunk and there's lube and somebody brings a strap onto the party it's gonna happen it's not far off it's on the horizon well that's gonna be a great video i look forward to it yeah i'll see if i want to make it live stream that on channel uh you know i think you had you asked what's that that lesbian would have pegged you

had you asked probably got a clit this fucking long so you you wouldn't even need the toy yeah it would have been buried by her stomach unfortunately taylor's right you ever see those mega clits yeah i think so unfortunately oh my god high t high t women it's with it's often women who are on a hormone treatment to like like yeah yeah in transition you sent me a whole forum once of just enormous i did that's right yeah i'm curious now yeah yeah i feel like what you're saying is that you got dog's penis you've elevated to become a master at sex, right? She pulls down her panties, red rocket, red rocket! So I feel like other people are having high school sex, right?

While you're having advanced degree sex. And your question was that the premise was all wrong. You were like, hey, how do I walk backwards into juvenile sex? That's not the way you go from here. Whoa, I don't like how you phrased that. Immediately. No, no. You always walk forward into juvenile sex.

And where they can't escape. They're too slow. And they'll believe it. And by the way, I think the sincere answer is no you don't have to order every item on the menu every time you eat some days is McDonald's and some days is filet mignon

yeah okay yeah some days it's wiener schnitzel so get ready so you were getting your your fart box tongue punched by your girlfriend oh I don't like that and you phrasing you liked it right away i know that was the grossest way i could think to say it it's awful you liked it

right away or she had to kind of win you over if there's a pleasure greater than lying on your back like a dead insect while you masturbate with a handful of lubriderm while an attractive girl is rimming you out i don't know of that pleasure lubriderm my man you have do you need a link man well he's trying to fix a veto oh this is the stuff your cock is moisturized but all these people the dry the daily moisturizing not the extra when my elbows start cracking like your elbows that's what you use as lube yeah no not i don't use this as anal lube i have proper anal lube for those purposes during a rim job yeah he's got that get some wet platinum it's it's rather expensive but you can

get it on amazon and for like 65 you get more than you'll ever use. You get like a liter for $60. It would almost like this thing full. Looking it up. Wet platinum. Not the flavored kind because that is water based and like anything that's been sweetened you don't want to put in a pussy. Okay.

That place is like you're growing a mushroom farm down there. Any sort of pH imbalance or intrusion of foreign substances that are organic. God knows what could happen down there. And if you fuck it up, then you have to shock your bitch's pussy. And then you tell them to clean it or something, and they're like, oh, it's self-cleaning. People are saying disinfectant cures yeast infections.

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Excuse me. Head on over to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash PKA to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com slash PKA. I have a Squarespace site, and i don't mean to attack the sponsor's copy but saying carve out your own corner of the internet sounds a little grandiose for like the florist who's registering a website well if you're not if you've never set up a website before this

is exactly what that's going to provide i use squarespace kicks ass that was my first website it looked beautiful and I barely knew what I was doing. I love Squarespace. I wish I could find the Reddit post about eating ass. I was searching during the copy and didn't find it. This guy,

his girl likes it. He feels like there's a bit of a mismatch between the two. He liked her for a long time before he finally won her over and got her attention and she started giving him the attention or whatever and they finally make it to bed and he licks her butt.

And she loved it. Loved it. She says it makes me feel guilty how much I like it. They're married now. So the whole idea that you want to back off of this pleasure zone and work your way into weak-ass sex. Here's the problem, Woody, is sometimes on a Sunday afternoon after we go out for a little brunch, it's just nice to be able to push the girl down, pants off, five minutes of missionary and come.

That's getting increasingly difficult to pull off, and that's why I'm worried. Oh, yeah, yeah. See, that's the problem. The quickie still belongs on the menu. It has a place, right? Yeah. You're having trouble coming at all without a little bit of butt play.

Yeah, exactly. Hmm. Well, there's no reason she can't reach around and put a finger in there and keep it. Why don't you just get a plug, a little vibrating plug for your asshole? Ah, fuck. One of those gym plugs.

They're cute. What is that? Oh, it's a little gym plug. Yeah, the back. One of those gym plugs. They're cute. What is that? Oh, it's a little gym plug. Yeah, the back is like a little gym stone. On the fiery man's ass with a little gym stone on there. I think everyone should have one of those. Buttholes are unsightly 99% of the time. If every butthole was a gym stone,

just imagine how much more comfortable we'd all be if it were required. Strong point. I comfortable we'd all be if it were required. I think we'd all be much less comfortable. I wouldn't mind to be Valentine's Day. He'll get over it. What if that's what martial arts were like? Ah! You earned your blue plug!

Yeah! The manliest thing ever was to get that blue butt plug. But they get bigger. By the time you're to the black plug. Are you ready for the black

line cone? It would be the biggest one. The instructor inserts it. It is what he knows. There's a ritual in Jiu-Jitsu when you level up belts where you have to get beaten or grappled by all the higher belts. Imagine the ritual for getting your your black plug everybody's walking toward you like an old cowboy don't you guys do the thing where they beat you with the belts yep you take your so the people

who don't know jujitsu when you get promoted in jujitsu you have to run a gauntlet of all the other people in your class you take off your kimono so you just have your bare skin exposed and you run through people who are all whipping you with their belts as hard as they can oh that's cool we didn't do that we did what they did is they spent some period of time it wasn't long like two minutes with everybody back to back to back to back and that was that was all we know nothing like a gauntlet to build the team spirit. Yeah. I mean, it works in fraternities. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. I was in a fraternity. You told me. How was your fraternity? It wasn't bad. I was at UCLA. So it was all academic-y, like spineless fucking pussy kids who had 4.2 GPAs and were on the debate team in high school. So there was very little hazing.

I don't have anything too interesting. How did you get there? Were you also a spineless 4.0 GPA? No, I had a 2.3 in high school. I was a mess. The way the backdoor into any respectable university is you just go to community college and apply yourself for two years and you're in. I love that idea. You probably save thirty thousand dollars too

you save a lot of money not that the ucs are super expensive i think i thought about it afterwards yeah i mean going to a private school college and spending 40 grand is retarded and i'm so glad i didn't think that would have been a good idea but you know you're still right it's you still save a shit ton of money nobody knows or cares where you went to school the first two years yeah that is true true facts but there must be a story or two about the frat life that's sticking out a little bit right i've got some frat stories my favorite frat story is when me and three other guys heard this other fraternity was going out of town for the weekend everybody in their house was going out of town for the weekend. Everybody in their house was going away to Palm Springs for a date party.

All their guys in the frat were paired up with members of sorority. They get on a chartered bus. They go an hour and a half away into the desert. So what we do is we go over there, this little commando party in the middle of the night. We're all piss face drunk, too. We hop over the fence into their backyard. We instantly, with a can of gold spray paint, start drawing dicks. I think somebody drew a swastika,

which is unfortunate. This was not designed to be a hate mission. It was just designed to be common- Tell me more about your hate crime! Well, we found a kid with the last name Goldstein, and we beat him in the- No. So we get into the backyard. We find their back.

That's iconic, punk. It was May. We find their back sliding glass door completely open. The first thing we do is we go inside. We find a couple of fixed-speed bicycles, take them out into the backyard, shot put them over the fence into a construction yard that was behind their house. Okay, we get a kick out of that. We go back in, get a big flat screen TV,

heave ho, heave ho it over the fence. That's gone. So now we're starting to think, how can we up the ante here? We find a common garden hose out back. We snake this thing in through the glass door, pull it way deep into their den area of their basement, turn on the hose full blast and then we leave we go back to our party jesus christ one of our buddies was on dude i'm being very

careful not to say the name of this house this was also the one that got flooded the one with no tv in the swastika and if anybody asked i'll just say I heard this story secondhand and I'm reciting it as if it was my own. I'll testify. Maybe I'll get some credit for that. Well, I'll have my own jail stories to tell. But we had a buddy.

I had this buddy, Umber, who was in Interfraternity Council. And that was like the governing board of the fraternities. The lady who's in charge of this was this big fat woman. She tells him on Monday, wow, you're not going to believe this. The most thorough act of vandalism I've seen take place at this school occurred over the weekend. Some hooligans left a hose running in X frat house's basement. It was 48 hours before they got back from Palm Springs and it cost $14,000 worth of damage to the house. Three separate kids

had to move out and find new lodging because the mildew situation was so gnarly down there. That was my mark on thoroughness. It was thorough. We left no vandalism stoned unturned, Woody. That's a terrible thing you did.

I've never done anything so awful. You're right. Who here's done something as awful as what Danny just told us? I mean, it is funny. Yeah. Why did you do it? You would not be funny at all. Why was it done?

What was the motivation? There was absolutely no motivation other than there was a house, we heard they were gone, and we were intoxicated. That was it. I have a community college question. sort of serious one so okay so you were not a great high school student but you went to community college yeah got you serious on and uh you got into a great uh four-year school cool were there many people who went in the other direction who were maybe like could have gone to a ucla coming out of high school,

went to community college, and lost their passion for achievement and maybe made the wrong call? I hear stories about dudes being so in love with their girlfriend that they forego offers from great schools to do the local community college thing, and they end up knocking her up and working at a Little Caesars pizza. I've heard stories like that. But not necessarily just straight-up academics where, like, I don't know, somehow in high school they were great students, and they go to community college, and something about the commuting

or who knows what causes them to lose their drive. Yeah, I guess I haven't really heard that. And I'm not even sure, I mean is is college even a good path necessarily i could have done what i'm doing right now without college so i don't even see this that much of a tragedy it's good for some right like you know there's plenty of engineers and doctors and lawyers and yeah you know even business managers who apply stuff they learned in college it was good for me i guess to learn that i didn't want to be one of those people so i needed to go down this road to not have regrets later on and like go to

CC when I'm 40 years old and try to major in history. Okay. Yeah. I only majored in it because I heard it was the easiest major UCLA though. It was a very strategic move. Was it really easy? Yeah. So it was,

it was easier than community college. My, so a little, I generally try not to talk about my kids at all because they're not on social media and they didn't put themselves in a place where people should have an opinion on them, but I'll say this. Hope made Dean's List this semester, which is pretty cool.

One of the things she does, if there's a course that's not important, in this case, foreign language is not important to her, is she'll find out what the athletes are taking. And so she took Portuguese. I guess that's the blow-off language at UNC, and that's what she did there. But I like that skill.

You know, if life throws some unnecessary hoop to jump through, and you develop the knack for getting around it or dealing with it in an efficient way yeah maybe that's one of the lessons she picks up in college i took um do you know what a clep exam is you guys familiar with this no college level equivalency program so you can take pretty much the final exam of a course if you if you convince them like hey look i'm pretty good at this already i don't need college courses on it so i had a year of biology coming up and i was like fuck that sounds awful so i bought the biology textbook and i studied it for six weeks and i took the

final exam to like biology three it was trimesters and uh i somehow passed it i was smart enough at biology for just one day to pass the final exam of the of their of the course and i got a year's worth of biology credit for just a couple of weeks worth of work and uh i still look back at that time saving is a good call i it's funny you say the thing like I knew enough about biology for one day. Yeah. It takes me back to my senior year, my Italian two final, which was a six hour class. It was really fucking hard because I had just didn't want to do it. I didn't want to fucking do it. I didn't want to have to learn a language, but I had to take one. And Italian was the only one that you could do in two semesters instead of three.

Okay. And I made a mistake of taking Italian one sophomore year. And then I was like, that sucked. This is a problem for senior Taylor. And I took Italian two, two years later. I had forgotten everything. 100% of everything. Like all I knew was like walk in and I'd be like,

Buongiornono like that was about it and then saying hello yeah just like really really having to ham it up and first of all the only reason like i passed that class is because i went into office hours all the time just to make sure she knew like this retard is giving it his all and he is doing bad and i kept telling her like you know i mean I'm really trying. I just, you know, I messed up not taking it two semesters in a row. You know, silly me. But yeah, you're saying, you know, for one day,

I remember taking that enormous Italian two final at the end of my senior year of college. And like, I can feel myself forgetting how to conjugate words and what the words mean as it's going on. And I'm like panicking through. And she definitely gave me some pity points and like effort points for that. But I remember we had to do a speaking test once. Then I dreaded it all semester. She's like, so what else? You know, here's a list of 50 questions that I might ask you. And you have to say at least a couple sentences in response to each of them. And it would be things like,

like if it was easy, it'd be like, what did you have for lunch? Or what are you going to have for lunch tomorrow? Or the difficult ones are when she threw in like past, present, like conjugation. And she's like,

what would you have been thinking? Had this, like that kind of stuff. But, and I swear to God, I like in my apartment, I was just figuring out the simplest way, like the way you could use the most in every answer. And I did that. And like, I don't even remember enough of the Italian to say it, but she'd be like, Taylor, what in Italian, obviously, what are you going to do tonight with your friends or with your family?

And I'd be like, today I will eat dinner. Today I will drink wine with my friends. Today I will watch a movie with my friends and drink wine. Today I will have snacks and watch a movie and drink wine and have snacks with my family and my friends. Like, let that level of response. And and she had to have known she was asking things like she's like, what are you going to rent from the library? And I was just like, I will rent a book from the library.

Then I will watch a movie with my friends. Then I will drink wine and eat food with my friends while watching the movie. It was one little sentence and then straight back to having wine and snacks and watching movies with my friends. I think the primary concern wasn't your conjugation. It was your alcoholism. Yeah, well, you know, it was the easiest phrase to learn you know drink wine today il bebe del vino no that's not even right del that's you know yeah vino bebe that's something like that but yeah that that was the most have you ever been so bad at taking a test

you're embarrassed the whole time and you can see it in her eyes. You scan a whole page and you're like, I kind of know what this one thing means, but I'm lost here. You feel like you've got to leave. I shouldn't take this. This is not in my best interest to let them know just how ignorant I am about this stuff we've been doing all week. They're going to wonder where I've been.

Dude. And the questions on the fucking test, there was, there were multiple times where there would be a question in Italian, obviously on an Italian test, you have to respond in Italian. And I would like have no idea what the question was asking. And I would go up to the front of the class and be like,

since you're a Wilson, just a clue, just to, you know, tell me kind of what's going on here. class and be like, Senora Wilson, just a clue. Just tell me kind of what's going on here. And she's like, you know this, you know. And I'm like, I assure you I don't. What's the question? And there were at least a couple times where she got kind of flustered and was like, it's asking, what are you going to do

after you go to the discotheque tonight? And I'm like, yes, have a snack, watch a movie, have a drink. to the discotheque tonight and be like yes have a snack watch a movie oh man i really bullshitted my way through that but like as long as you participate this is for any college people out there if you're in a class like that math this isn't going to cut it but something that's like you got your professors weighted kind of opinion of you go into office hours participate your fucking tits off in class there were 30 people in that class do you know how many times a day i just wrong answer wrong answer wrong answer non-stop i'm sure you had a learning disability

like you're so cocksure of yourself you're just raising your hand oh oh oh vino she's just like yes taylor i know yes so many times you have to be like like you have to be telling uh uh you know taylor in italian or whatever the fuck and it's like it can i do english like just like 30 seconds like just to ask my question because i certainly won't be able to answer your question in italian if i don't know what we're talking about like oh oh my god that's that class stressed me out so much more than anything else because it sucked taylor i can totally agree with you that classes like Italian and history English are a little bit subjective in their grading. At UCLA, it was super subjective.

So go to class, participate, sit in the front row. And also, if you just show up at every class and take notes, that's going to cut your studying load come finals or come midterms by like 80% because it'll just be bouncing around in your skull somewhere. That's my number one tip for school. It's so obvious. But like, you're like, Woody, I'm going to be a freshman. What should I do? You should attend class. This is the first time in your life that

no one's going to give a fuck if you attend classes. Now, it depends on the class, but there will be classes where they don't take attendance. They don't even notice your absence. Go anyway. Hot depends on the class, but there will be classes where they don't take attendance. They don't even notice your absence. Go anyway. Hot tip. At class, they tell you all the answers. That's what the class is. So just go.

Just show up and listen and it makes a huge difference. You think to yourself, no, no, no, no. A good idea would be PlayStation Now and then I'll teach myself this chapter later. that is so much more difficult it does make it so much harder seems like with modern technology like if you were good at those classes you could make like forget forget a career your career could be helping people cheat

at the classes like like if everyone had like uh like like google glasses or whatever so that it's like i got a camera and the guy can read what you're looking at and an earpiece, and you've got a guy who just knows fucking math or knows history, he'd literally be sitting down the hallway or in a van outside, go old school with it. Just how much would you pay to ace a midterm, right? Imagine this. Imagine paying a guy to go in and take the LSAT,

the law school admission test for you, where a great score versus a mediocre score is going to mean hundreds and hundreds, maybe millions of dollars, hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars in career opportunity. What if you just get into forging these diplomas? Everybody's old.

How do I get into this school, into that school? The end goal is just a piece of paper, right? Like, how many jobs have you been to where they actually, like, called the university and, like, checked to see? Hey, you know Matt, right? Who do you think I am? I just work here. I don't know.

Do they check your references? They check if you graduated? Who does that? I don't think any job that I've had has done that. I think Keemstar lost his job. He lied about going to college. I hope I have this right, but I think he lied about going to college at some law firm,

and when they found out that he had, they fired him. And he's like, but I've been doing this job successfully. At a law firm as well. That's what I'm getting at. I might be mixing him up with a TV show. Just keep lying. Just keep lying. Well, it worked for one law firm.

It'll work for another. Yeah. There was one more thing I remembered about that Italian class. There was this guy in there. And, I mean, it's my senior year of college. How old are you then? Like 21? 21, 22, something like that?

And this guy was like 28 or so in the class. And, you know, I didn't know his whole life story. Ben Wilder, okay. His name was John, though. okay uh his his name was john though forgot his last name after the first time i met him so he's still in my phone is john italian haven't spoken to him in nine years or eight seven whatever it is but this guy was the ballsiest cheater i've ever seen in my life it was like a suicide by cop style cheating where he it's like do you want to get caught are you trying to get found out and this guy it was like and as the

semester went on he would get more and more ballsy initially he just would have a note card with all the conjugations and all the words and like vocab stuff written out and he would put it on his like thigh and i would like sit and i was always so afraid of cheating like in college because it was like like my head was always like i'd rather really try and scrape by with like a c than what happens if they catch you cheating which is like they might fucking expel you and keep your money you know like right that's high risk not it's not worth it for a fucking italian grade but he evidently disagreed and he for the first couple tests on his thigh next couple tests on the desk with his paper partially covering it i swear to god on the final this guy sitting in the second row like very visible he took out he took out

three note cards and laid them at the top of his desk and then took the test. And he was such an asshole in class, such a difficult person. I guarantee the teacher saw and knew and did not want to deal with him the following semester. And so she just let him like get a like just ace his test, basically. And he and she had to have known because he never did his homework. Ever. Never did anything. He only had like hundreds on the tests. And that's how he did well in the class. What did he call this guy up?

I'll give John Italian. How old is he now? 36? Let's give John Italian a call. No, I'm not going to call him. Hey, I'm doing my podcast. You remember that random guy? No, he would not know me. Let me do the final ad where you tell everybody about SmartMouth. Everyone hates talking I'm doing my podcast. You remember that random guy that you, no, he would not know me. And I would,

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Whether it's the boardroom or the bedroom, having confidence in your breath just spells success. So head on over to smartmouth.com slash pka now for a free coupon. And you can, of course, find Smart Mouth products in the oral health aisles of Walgreens, CVS, Target, Rite Aid, Amazon, Walmart, or wherever you shop. Once again, smartmouth.com slash PKA for your free coupon. Check them out. You're muted, Taylor. Yeah, it's excellent stuff. Big fan.

Thank you, Kyle. I was saying. And now they have dry mouth mints at Walmart. And so if you have a dry mouth problem from any of your habits that you enjoy or fun activities, then you can get some mints at Walmart for it. I didn't get dry mouth after a while. I was conditioned to the marijuana. You were conditioned. Yeah.

Hypothetically. Hypothetically. You cigarettes, you know, alcohol dries your mouth. So there you go. Get yourself a nice wet mouth. I don't know if I want to bring the conversation this way. Are companies like SmartMouth aware of the fact that their customer base might have these causes for SmartMouth, for dry mouth? Every company is. Weed is getting so normalized now, and marijuana use as a whole is getting so normalized that every big company now is even small small mid-sized companies yeah right taco bell makes jokes on their twitter don't they taco bell and

jack in the box were kind of two of the first to do that stoner marketing shit where it's like him in a hazy basement you know having a jack junior jack or whatever but yeah like pretty it's gotten so normalized and advertisers and people don't really care. Stations don't care for the most part. Like the only thing that's holding back a lot of companies is the FDA, especially with like CBD stuff is that like companies don't know, like, is this going to be a dietary supplement? Is it going to be something that you just, what is it going to be basically? And so that's kind of like the,

the holding pattern that a lot of companies are in now. But as soon as the FDA or Congress decides on things like that, there's going to be a boon of those products. And then I assume as soon as pot is federally legal, 80% of those CBD companies are going to immediately switch to weed because that's where the money is, or THC products instead of CBD. I have a bunch of buddies who are real estate developers who now have lateraled over into the weed growing industry and they grow for dispensaries they have a state-of-the-art facility to grow in a warehouse perfect temperature humidity monitoring watering systems they had to throw out or excuse me not

throw out but they had an entire batch that they could not sell to dispensaries because it's too moldy. So their way to not lose their ass on this. And I guess it was they did everything correctly and they still fucked it up. So now they're just selling it all into the black market, which makes me realize that the weed we've all been smoking for years. If you smoke weed, almost certainly was covered in mold. Oh. Yeah. Fuck it. Is that bad? certainly was covered in mold. Oh. Nah. Fuck it. Is that bad? I mean, mold can't be good for you.

What kind of mold? Is it like black mold, the scary kind? That's the only kind I know that's bad for you. I don't know. I'm not an authority on fuck guy. I don't know either. That's why I get all mine from a dispensary. Yeah, that's why Woody goes straight to the source

and grows his own yeah i need wacky tobacco please two that would be the funniest evolution of your compound you have woody is if they legalize it and you're just like why the fuck not and you just start growing your own pot i thought about that for a while but i don't think that's how pot's grown anymore like like it's my understanding that the uh the people who smoke potters especially from the dispensary they're such connoisseurs that you don't just plant it in the ground you do it in a greenhouse with perfect lighting and perfect hydration and perfect everything right i i mean like, that's always the pictures you see of, like, hydroponic stuff where they're like,

oh, this is the highest tech. Like, it's a science. We got computer chips deciding when the light comes on and when the water spritzes and that kind of stuff. What my dumbass would grow is the equivalent of, like, Mexican garbage weed in some plowed portion of a forest. They're hoping they don't get spotted.

It'd be like the opposite of growing your own garden. Like, you go out there and get your own tomato and you're like this is great you go out there and get your own weed and like this is some skunky shit this is awful yeah whereas like the professionally grown weed i presume is the good stuff yeah i think that's the case i'm the wrong guy i saw i saw a post on twitter a few weeks ago and it was like the only pot magazine i could think of is high times but it was probably something different because it's like the 70s and i don't know if it's been around for that long but it was pictures of like the best strains of 1973 and it looked like shit that you would pull out of a dust buster like it looked horrible compared

to like walking around a modern dispensary and seeing all the science and stuff so like kyle you'd probably know that that like you know what i'm talking about like how it's gotten much better much stronger which is probably a good thing you don't need as much yeah or maybe your tolerance goes up so much you need more uh i don't know you just go to stronger concentrates and stuff and then take a tolerance break and then repeat can you ever reclaim those first 15 to 20 highs you had when you were in high school though absolutely i don't think you can where my mouth felt like a washing machine and i was seeing like dragons and fucking penguins moving around the room i don't think i've ever had a little pcp or something i hope i used to get

so you know the good marijuana you you put it in the spoon you heat it up hey i shot mine intravenously i don't know what you're talking about intravenously yeah if you uh if you take enough of a tolerance break i'm sure if i smoked weed right now i'd be bonkers high i'd be like just spaced out like time uh time um uh dilation dilation like the whole bit like i'd be gone well that's gonna be you know that that colorado life that'll you're gonna be saving so much money you're gonna i guarantee you when you finally move out there you're gonna walk in like a kid in a candy store with like five grand in your hand and be like that one and that one and that and this and that. Then you're going to get home and take like one hit and just.

Yeah, you can only buy so much. You know, you've got a limit you can buy. I'll get a medical card. What about your glaucoma? Exactly. I'll get a medical card for PTSD or something like that. No, I'll be good to go. That's how you get.

So in Colorado, you've got like and a lot of dispensaries. You've got two different rooms you've got the main floor which is recreational and it's it's the bigger room it's where like everybody who goes in wants some recreational weed can go and get it but there's some limitations there for rec weed and one of the things is the edibles all have to be i think 10 milligrams might be five but i think it's 10. But over in the medical side, well, these people are dying.

They're not fucking around with 10 milligrams. That's where they've got those crazy edibles that might be 100 milligrams or whatever. So once you've got your medical card, you can get access to some much more powerful stuff. I'm going to need 100 milligram edibles because I have PTSD from getting caught for marijuana.

There you go. Marijuana gave me the PTSD. Marijuana giveth the PTSD. And marijuana taketh it away. That's Psalms, I believe. Yes, Proverbs, actually. Corinthians. I don't even know a different book. that would be psalms i believe yes proverbs actually i don't even know a different book psalms proverbs ecclesiastes song of songs yeah but but yeah i think you can absolutely get that

back um you know i whenever i would take like a month off when i would come back and smoke again it would be like whoa i have been away for quite some time see i smoked weed during the tony ferguson fight for the first time in four and a half months and i felt great granted i didn't smoke a lot but i'm telling you man those first couple of times those first handfuls of times that i smoked weed i was in a different dimension and i was there for about five hours jesus christ would you um like joints blunts a bowl a bong when you remember when you first start smoking weed you can't physically figure out how to operate the carb and the mouth hole and the lighter at the same time frankly no but maybe i was retarded but i would blow out smoke and nothing would come out like on a frosty spring morning more smoke would come out of my mouth than i was getting out of this pipe and i would

still just get blitzed out of my head yeah i don't know i've never i always i always smoked out of a bowl uh when i first started um like you know they're cheap you get a bowl for like five dollars and uh you always get you know get a hand-bl a bowl for like five dollars and uh you always get you know get a hand-blown bowl that's all psychedelic and pretty and they could be kind of they could be works of art in their own right but i never struggled with that you know i packed that bitch full of sticky weed and smoking when you were like a sophomore in high school how'd you learn this i didn't smoke until i was like 25 oh i see dude i was doing it when i was 14 i didn't innately have that skin coming out of the womb.

I might have heard it wrong. Did you ask him joint versus blunt? Are they not the same thing? No. No, a blunt is like a cigarillo wrap, like a wrap made of tobacco. Right? It's brown. Yeah, you're right.

So a joint is white. It's rolling papers that you would use to roll a cigarette, but we're rolling marijuana up in it. And it ends up being white and twisted off on either end. You can apply a filter if you want, but a blunt is what we've talked about before, where you split a cigarillo, get all the tobacco out, fill it up, and then rewrap it, licking it, so it'll stick back together and you smoke that. And the wrapper itself, that wrapping,

just like with all cigars that I know of, is tobacco leaf. Okay. It's harsher. It's heavier. It's considered an upgrade from the joint. Yeah. Yeah, but I've always preferred just a bowl or a bong. It's frankly healthier.

You don't get that paper smoking. It is healthier. Well, it's not only that. It's that paper smoke it is healthier well it's not only that it's cooling it's cooling down what you're taking into your lungs you know it's not a super heater especially if you've got a nice water bong like that thing we were smoking in colorado like and if you fill the whole uh i don't know what it's called the pipe part of it up with ice you know as the smoke is being pulled up through it it's it's cooling it down to a reasonable temperature rather than taking in something in your lungs. With all that ice, we were taking

ice cold hits. That was pretty nice. Both of you guys are mistaken. The healthiest way to smoke weed is actually with a crushed diet Pepsi can. Or with an apple. Seems like a vape would be the thing. They have weed vapes, right?

But God knows what that technology is too. I don't like that. It's a different high and it's a different hit. It's a different sensation. Not just the high, but the feeling of intaking into your lungs. It's different. I like the smoking flower out of a out of a bong if i had if i if i were if i had my preference but then but then i really prefer um concentrate over anything

what's constant is that dabs yeah what does that mean yeah wax and stuff yeah we had a guy i'm sorry no no go go ahead. We had a guy in our crew. He was only in two videos. I recruited him. His name was Rat Dick Ralph. And that was a great nickname. I came up with that. Very proud.

Sad to lose him. But this guy's thing was he would take the most concentrated dab hits throughout the day constantly. We have a video on my channel called giving him a head tattoo in starbucks or i gave a head tattoo in starbucks this dude ate like four times the recommended dosage of shrooms and we took him out the joshua tree then we had one of our buddies dress up as the grim reaper and like come in from the distance closer and closer to give this kid probably the worst trip he's ever experienced but he went nuts and rumor has it beat up his girlfriend probably after a particularly big dab and now he's uh in county so he's no longer a member of the crew oh that stinks but when he's out is he welcome back absolutely good good so the future's not over for him no taylor and i

have the opposite reaction like he's like he's now in county i'm like good taylor's like, he's now in county. I'm like, good. And Taylor's like, that stinks. Yeah, poor guy. I bet he had some good jokes. Or at least you could laugh at him. Taylor's like, she lived. Yeah. Right? She was fine, probably. You know, in a couple years, they're going to look back on this and laugh.

She was probably a writer. At least that's what she called herself. But you were on the new season of Wrecking Morty. Yeah. but you were on the new season of wrecking morning yeah yeah it's uh i i wish they'd legalize it but uh i don't think it's anytime soon like we said earlier in the show we beat that beat that horse to death but yeah i'm a big fan we need some presidential candidates under 70 you know that would be nice shakers open-minded thinkers i don't care how old they are it's's their policy. I think they're related. I want one that's so old that it's comical.

I want somebody they wheel out. Like a cryptkeeper. They're not old, but they were born disabled. Infirmed. Like Down Syndrome. President Mongo, what do you think about the crisis in Syria no no

here it is our next president should have the same condition as Helen Keller and it's really the translator who's in charge of everything pretending that it's Helen Keller the whole time she just signs on her hand she said invade Syria and you just run with

it and i'll pretend that it was her you guys see the roast of donald trump where they did a bit like that based on that mari madeline girl the deaf comic or the deaf actress no on the roast of donald trump they had a deaf actress come out and roast and at first she was doing well she had a translator doing his thing but then eventually they pulled the translator off and gilbert gottfried came out to translate for her and eventually he was sort of saying what she was trying to say with her sign language but then of course it just went into a tangent about hooker fucking and killing kids and donald trump raping his siblings it's christ strong roast donald is uh pretty rough

i i his voice is grating yeah yeah very dirty comic he's as dirty as it gets yeah oh i only see i'm i'm more exposed i remember him as the as the parrot from the lion king right right like that wasn't him what did he play he played it did a cartoon. He was Iago the Parrot in Aladdin. Aladdin, that's what it was. And there's that, and I feel like he's been in a couple other non-dirty movies, and that's my exposure to him. No, he's filthy.

He's like Danny from Full House, Bob Saget. He's got a part in, it's on Netflix, Bumping Mics with Dave Attell and jeff ross the second night saturday night he comes in that's some great comedy right there for comedy fans bumping mics on netflix night two he's in there with with bob saget did you guys watch the new louis ck thing i like no not yet it's the new special. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. He starts and ends with his own controversy. And I thought he addressed it pretty well.

He opens up like, how you guys been doing? Anyone else create any global controversies? Just me, huh? No Al Jazeera articles on you? Are you a rapist okay i'm messing it up but it's something like that yeah yeah he came out he said how was everybody else's years the last couple of years anybody else getting global amounts of trouble which is genius i wish he would have gotten further into it though woody i don't know if you had that feeling too because he teased it and then he went into his regular material right probably to prove that he wasn't going to use that as a crutch he still had good stuff he'd been working on but then when he

came back to it later in the set i feel like it was too brief he did five minutes on it whereas i wanted to hear a half hour on the first week after that story leaked and he couldn't leave his apartment he should have had the front row covered in plastic like a gallagher show that's a good bit no i i guess i i listened to him address his controversy and i was watching it through the lens of crisis management instead of just a fan of comedy like like you know how is he handling this how is he getting himself out of this trouble or into more trouble and making it funny and just kind of winning

people back over? I wanted to see a master manipulate a crowd. That was the part that I found interesting about it. He did a pretty good job. I do kind of wish it was longer but I'm remembering a punchline to the joke was like you know what? If you ask her if she can do it and if you ask

a girl if you can jerk off on her and she says, yes, double down, ask again, make sure she really wants this. And it's like, it's, it's funny.

I see where he's coming from. He's sort of owning his side of the, of it. Like, but it could have been longer. It could have been deeper. It could have been, you know,

that's what she said. He should, he should have gone with like, you know, but Sarah Silver silverman thank god for her i jerked off on her and she came forward and said i was all in and uh that's a her i think she did i think that's a real thing sarah silverman was like yeah he jerked off on me you don't see me complaining yeah i heard in front of her. Big difference. Yes. You can jerk off in front of me.

And I mean, I won't like it, but I'll tolerate it. But if you jerk off on me, I'm going to have to beat me up. The only difference is prostate health. Yeah, that is not... I'll tolerate what he's feeding off and kyle's like you know i look at it like a bad show again this is all this is part and parcel of living in a tolerant society i gotta let him one of my favorite jokes from that from that special was now everybody knows my kink.

Everybody knows my thing. Barack Obama knows my thing. You can almost see Obama reading the newspaper. Oh, Louis C.K. masturbates in front of women. Wow. I wouldn't have suspected that. What do you know about that fellow? Yeah.

I like to be on the watch. On my watch. Yeah, he did a good job that's right everyone knows his kink he kind of did this like trust me you don't want that you don't want people to know imagine if people knew your kink and I'm like yeah it's not good

well we know Danny's one of them we know the one Danny chose to share I didn't specify who I was fantasizing about licking my asshole. I didn't clarify. You guys made some good suggestions. I didn't think, Woody, that the material,

because I'm such a huge Louis C.K. fan. I've listened to all of his appearances, I think, on Opie and Anthony, watched all of his specials. I didn't think material-wise it was one of his even top five specials. I love 2017, the one before it, and I didn't think it measured up to that. Okay. Before you said 2017, I was like, name a comedian who got super big and then started doing new material every single year and didn't drop off.

It's like your super big thing is your first 35 years of life experience, and then everyone after that is last year we can't hang with that yeah that's true and if you think like i know you're an ona fan as well if you think like louis comedy from like 2012 or whatever to now is like really raunchy and out there he is just reprehensible in the funniest way on old ONA. Like he is outrageous on those shows. Like he wasn't like him, Jim Jeffries, all those guys,

they weren't that famous yet. And so they were just, they could, they said whatever they fucking wanted. And it's great. Yeah. I re-listened. I've been re-listening to more of that this week.

Does that exist now? Are like 2030s big stars on some show or podcast, just killing it today? Or stars in their 20s or 30s i mean 2030 this is the year 10 years from now 20 30s biggest star smashing it somewhere where they're not getting a ton of attention like louis ck did on ona is that maybe sure i think so. There are going to be more sources for entertainment. They're probably making out with people on the streets and cucking female rappers and stuff like that.

I mean, if they're getting famous in Hollywood, they're probably raping. Blood represent. That seems to be a real fun pastime of Hollywood is just get a good rape in. Well, we were talking about me at first, and then we went really hard onto the rape. So now I feel like that was directed at me, but it's OK. No, it was.

That's fine, too. Partially. Yeah, I feel like Woody. I feel like the amount of stars is going to multiply in their respective influence is going to diminish because of all the various platforms, which is great because people like us can maintain a smaller profile and still make good livings also a thing that's changed you can make a good living without being the number one star right like youtube 2011 you kind of needed to be a top 200 guy right you know yeah make a good living now you know the 2500th biggest YouTuber is making more than a normal computer programmer. Yeah.

Yeah, way more. 2,500? There's so many. Is that right? How big is 2,500th biggest YouTuber? I don't know. No, no, like in the millions and millions of subs, right? There's so many people. Remember in 2000, NigaHiga and Fred were the only people with a million subs,

and it was like a million what that's such a crazy number a million and then now it's like someone has a million subs and it's like oh that's it's pretty neat do you have a job or right yeah yeah i guess it is now it's pretty much accepted in the public sphere that like youtube and online shit like it's a job like it's not like it was in 2011 where it was you know well for someone like me it wasn't the job it was like a side thing but you know back then like kyle woody you guys would would get some guff for it yeah people be like you can make a living doing that yeah you can i guess kyle never did that no right no i was always real up front with it it's like i'm here to make money um as much as possible Yeah, you can. I guess Kyle never did that much.

No, I was always real upfront with it. It's like, I'm here to make money as much as possible. Oh, I misunderstood where you were headed. Okay. I was like real life guff. Like when you meet someone, the doctor says, what do you do for a living? Like, you know, that's a job. But no, you're saying that you got fussing for like, they called me a money whore back in the day all the time.

Anybody who even put ads in their videos for like they called me a money whore back in the day all the time anybody who even put ads on their videos for like a while there was like a money whore and there were like i don't even remember who it was in the community if i did i probably wouldn't say their names anyway just in case they're still active but do you remember that where there'd be like holier than now people who were like yeah hutch and cnrs did they do it yeah like. Well, Hutch and C-Nanners went on salary. And then the next day, everybody started making several hundred thousand dollars a year. And they were like, oh, no. What have we done?

We just signed a contract to be on salary. And we were the two biggest guys. Now the eighth biggest guy is buying a house. And so quickly their morals changed a lot like oh what everyone else is doing is the wrong way what we do is the right way we're doing we're in this for the love of the game yeah that's really lame yeah yeah it's totally gone now right even 100 c nanners right like even those guys don't feel that way today oh definitely no of

course not they're not on that contract anymore with machinima as soon as they left machinima they didn't stop feeling that way yep machinima had such a stranglehold on the entire gaming youtube sphere which is so big and they fucked it up so bad yeah um few have had so much and and wasted it so effectively as the guys who were running machinima machinima did and i would argue youtube did youtube actively didn't want to be a gaming platform right they they took gaming off the home page they didn't like gaming they punished gaming there was a category for gaming videos that they would like not promote because they didn't want to be a place that had gaming videos now years later they're trying to compete with platforms like twitch and spending a billion dollars and uh it's like yeah

you know you were twitch you could have been it would have been easy but you oh yeah you didn't it was it was real easy to see like what you did what machin been easy. It was really easy to see what Machinima should have done way back then. They were wasting hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars on things like that Mortal Kombat nonsense and all this live action content that's going to be a weekend worth of entertainment and then

gone. You're not establishing a series. You're just making this little thing, this little passion project almost and and just all right there goes 500 grand there goes a million instead of like reinvesting in like the massive creators they had under their banner you know it was absurd everyone who gets near the creators wants to be a creator too and it's like dude if you just be the agent you'd make tons of money and what's great is that if you're the agent for all these creators then when they

fall off and nearly all of them do you're still the agent you get the next creator and the next creator and like you stay forever while these shooting stars come and go but they never do that they start making their own mortal kombat series and their. But they never do that. They start making their own Mortal Kombat series and their own this. They should have been having video contests and fucking tournaments and stuff like that. It's like you've got literally like 50 guys who are incredibly popular in this little sphere.

You should have totally broken up all the COD YouTubers into two teams and had them battle it out in some sort of tournament or whatever with four-man teams. That would have been wildly popular. Ten times as many views as that stupid shit they wanted us to autoplay on our channels. It could have gone for weeks and weeks, and then you could just do it every year and have a big prize pool to bring in more talent.

By doing that, you could strangle out anybody who was a fucking weed out there trying to soak up some of your profit margin. Like, oh, that guy? He didn't have a Machinima logo. Who fucking cares? A lot of those people that were like pro gamers that became YouTubers that had and sometimes still don't have much of a personality, but never gotten their foot in the door. They just really shot foot in the door. You could, they, they just really shot themselves in the foot. And you can see that with Twitch now where like,

I, I've only, I'm still relatively new to Twitch streaming. I've only been doing it a handful of months, but like there are content creators. Like if I hit browse and just will look at, you know, call of duty or something,

I will see names of YouTubers that I haven't thought about in eight years. And then we'll like, you you know call of duty or something i will see names of youtubers that i haven't thought about in eight years and then we'll like you know those little researchers like huh what the fuck is he up to let me go to his youtube channel huh hasn't uploaded in six years twitch oh he streams every other day or like five times a week it's like you can see almost real time how all these people on youtube like wings included who were big draws at one point just saying fuck this no i'm not even i'm not even uploading highlights of my streams to youtube anymore because it's not worth it i'm abandoning it and going straight to twitch yeah the ones who still upload are often youtube streamers yeah yeah and highlights too like in the tarkov community a

lot of guys will make youtube videos and the point of their youtube videos is not to make money it used to be youtube was a real profitable platform the point of their videos is to let people know about this twitch streamer right i had a facebook page with i don't know six digits amounts of follows and the whole reason i existed on facebook was so that people would discover my youtube channel now the whole reason I existed on Facebook was so that people would discover my YouTube channel. Now, the whole reason people are on YouTube is so that people discover the existence of their Twitch channel. And unlike 10 years ago, the average age of someone on Facebook now is like 61. Nobody is – well, it's not that old. But young people are just not on Facebook anymore.

Just not using it unless you're like Kyle using it to get pussy. But that's just like a different kind of YouTube. I use my Facebook to learn Just not using it. Unless you're like, Kyle using it to get pussy. But that's just like a different kind of... I use my Facebook to learn about virology. There seems to be a lot of experts out there who understand what we should be doing. And your friend group specifically. My friend group is just experts on

face masks and vaccines and virology and pandemics. They're all telling me what we're doing right and wrong. Well, it's good that you're staying informed. I wish that Woody was a character who just bought into everything they said and then just preached

misinformation every week on the show. I would love that. Throw your masks away. They're being tainted. They're being tainted. That little metal strip you clink to your nose, that's a transmitter, dummy. Those are made in China. They're selling you tainted masks

for the purpose of contaminating you without you even doing it. Now, first of all, this virus isn't real, but the only real bits of it are on the inside of those masks. Don't you put those on. And also something I've noticed when I do go to the grocery store is there are a troubling amount of people wearing their masks like this. Oh, yeah. I saw like a clip on Reddit the other day where the lady had cut the mouth out of her mask so that she could speak better. And the guy was like, that's a cool mask you got.

Where'd you get that? She's like, I made it myself. With the hole there, huh? She's like, yeah, I can talk better this way. He's like i made it myself you got with the hole there huh she's like yeah i can talk better this way he's like ah okay have a nice day contaminated she just cut a hole in the middle of her fucking mask so that she could speak more clearly here's the first post on my facebook feed it's a link to what i think is plandemic i want to play this game watch this before it's taken down i love the points that are made about censorship and our I want to play this game. and eyes and tones of emotional response and other body language and story patterns. Here's your chance to bust Judy. She's on video.

I've got nothing on her so far. I think she's telling the truth. Fauci and Bill Gates, on the other hand, are hard to miss. They're lying and colluding. Choose your category from financials, connections, hands, eyes, tie line, coy, bono, I don't know that.

You name it. They're as dirty as hogs, in my opinion. History will either be wiped clean as well as most of us, or we won't and will not be kind to those two. So he says Fauci and Bill Gates are in on this to control us. See, unfriend that person now.

Wait, that was the first post? No, no. Why? That shit's funny. It's all over my post. Yeah, yeah. That's the first thing. Actually, he's the most reasonable of the group so plan i don't even see plandemic on youtube i just see a million videos debunking it ah they're not my facebook friends those people yeah it just let me see i don't know i could go on it's. It's absurd. Look, you want to... And I get what they're saying, right?

To some extent, if you've got a paranoid mind, then everybody in power all of a sudden telling everyone to do this thing, you might get your shoulders up a little bit. It's pretty clear that this thing is killing people and shit. And like 20-30%

of the people who get it and survive have these long lasting health effects. It's like, it's kind of a no joke. It turned out, you know, I'm at a one out of 10 on my danger scale. Now,

you know, one being the highest. I hate that so much. I hate your reverse intensity. More than it should bother me. I fucked. I just showed everyone a photo of, I guess Bernie Sanders is being dragged off by the police.

And the caption explains it was for throwing eggs at black people. Does that sound like a Bernie Sanders thing to do? He was probably feeding. If they told me he was probably feeding if they told me he was feeding eggs to black people i believe it i suspect that was posted ironically as a joke but there is no joking text around it or sarcasm tags or whatever photos or like edited clip of him looking like he's throwing eggs it's being dragged away by the police post throwing eggs at people, yeah.

I had far too many eggs. They were far too uppity. He's just like, what's a little bit of 60s Bernie? You know, fly free. Have some omega acids. Now he's turning into Arnold. I was about to say, he's turning into Arnold. You need eggs, omega acids. Now he's turning into Arnold. I was about to say he's turning into Arnold. I'm going to give you free health.

You need your eggs, not the protein. That's an accent I can't do. It's so easy to. I never practice it. What is this? Lessons we learned in the past few weeks. This is one of your someone linked to the Facebook group.

Yeah, that group. Not that guy. Highlighted the guy. Don't associate it. Men can cook too. this is one of your someone it's my facebook group yeah there's not group these are just like not that guy highlighted the guy don't associate it man can cook too you just learned that number one in lessons we learned in the past few weeks no sources on this it's just a poorly made image macro china won the third world war without firing any missiles. Two, Europeans are not as educated as they appear. Three, rich people are in fact less immune than the poor. Four, no priest, Sikh, misspelled, ustad or astrologers could save any patient. Number five, health professionals are worth more than football legends. Animals do most likely feel the same way in the zoo as we do in quarantine. I agree with that one.

Uh, the planet regenerates quickly without human interference. Oil is worthless in a society without consumption. No, a majority of people can comfortably work from home. Everyone can survive without junk food. Debatable. Uh,

that's the one we take. We'll go back to that one. Take umbrage with, uh, men can cook too. Media is nonsense. that's the one we take we'll go back to that one take umbridge with men can cook too media is nonsense actors are just entertainers not heroes well no shit wait wait wait leo became kyle's hero after kyle found out he was fucking

16 year olds i like the lack of effort he put into the sex i feel like that shows a certain ease of getting sex yeah you think so leo pericaprio yeah right like the fact that he just listens to music and ignores you it's almost like they're attracted to him okay i see where you're headed with this but i i feel like most people put a little effort into the sex right they try to make their partner feel like this was a good time. Leo doesn't even pay attention to them during sex.

He's like, we're on a fucking yacht. This thing costs more than the town you're from. You're not having a good time? I'd kill you before I got rid of this boat. Literally. His yacht is outrageous. Have you seen the pictures of him and Jonah Hill? Jonah Hill's fat ass floating next to him in the ocean,

surrounded by topless models. Yeah. When he's not making a movie, he just lets it all go himself. Yeah. Yeah. He can't. Leonardo DiCaprio is not that good looking. I think he's average, good looking guy.

Do you really think it matters when you have his status though it seems like you're convinced that he should be having a regular sex life and be experiencing sex with a regular amount of women i guess what i'm trying to say is he is having an extraordinary sex life because of his movies and not because of his good looks i think he is a incredibly uh handsome man mean, he's obviously in his 40s now, so he's not at his peak. But like, Titanic, Leonardo DiCaprio, was a gorgeous human being.

That's true, he was. By the way, this in his 40s, not at his peak, I am loving the sliding scale that I'm graded on now, right? Three years ago, it was Woody's fat. Now, it's Woody's not bad for 47. Fucking awesome. It's like, wait till I hit 50.

I'm going to be great. This is going to be fantastic. If we could just get expectations. He's forming full sentences, people. We need to lower expectations week by week, year by year. He put on his own drool rag. Come on.

Same thing is going to be like an area of pride. They're like, wow, he remembered Jonah Hill's name. Right? It's, oh, low expectations are a godsend. What's the name of that guy? I didn't think it was that hot. Lemmy Donatello. They're going to be be like bravo what do you got most of those letters i and i were like yeah buddy yeah

that's funny as fuck i want to play more grand theft auto Auto, but I got to save it till I stream. You should hop in multiplayer. Give that a little try. See what that's like. I got to ask Taylor, because I hear Twitch, they're really cracking down on people's behavior

on the platform and off. Are you worried about what you say now because you're on Twitch and if you're going to get kicked off or not? No, I mean, not really. I behave myself and I keep my chat in line as much as I can on Twitch. It should be fine. I feel like the only thing that gets people...

If something happens, like accidentally, I remedy that as quick as I can. So I'm being tactful about it. My observation is what gets you kicked off of Twitch for off-platform stuff, it either has to be super duper extreme, more so than PKA, or attacking other creators.

If you attack one of their golden boys on Twitter or something, they don't like that. Yep, so I'm not doing that. Minding my P's and Q's. Yeah, be careful which Danny Mullen videos you open. Yeah, not watching any more of your videos on stream have you gotten to the sopranos episode where they tell you what p's and q's mean uh pints and quarts right there you go yeah moderate your drinking yeah yeah what that means i didn't know that i thought it was something

about spelling according to paulie's date well they never get anything wrong they get so much i do love that the confidence that those like the gangsters will have in something that's totally wrong you can probably think off the top of your head a better one i was prostate with grief yeah yeah the the czechoslovakians one is the funniest so far yeah well-written show it's so fucking good i'm on episode nine now season five i am tearing through this show yeah you are yeah you're going real fast you should you should watch that on fucking twitch hbo is doing a thing where you can watch together with people i think uh they're partnering with one of those companies that does that or and yeah it's

on amazon like it's you can get hbo Amazon Prime, and that's like the viewer party thing is all Amazon Prime. So maybe Soprano's on there. I don't know. Yeah, you should fucking group watch that shit. Definitely with The Wire. When you start that fresh, I bet a lot of people who've never seen it before

or some who've seen it before, but it's very rewatchable. Are you saying watch The Wire on Twitch? Yeah. Yeah, so basically, woody if you go to your creator dashboard there's on that way what does it say uh it says start watch party and so the watch party is like it's not like exactly the same as the stream i haven't done one but i was reading about it like followers of yours who have twitch prime only the ones who have twitch

prime they can join you and watch parties and it's more of a private party that only followers of yours who have twitch prime only the ones who have twitch prime they can join you and watch parties and it's more of a private party that only followers of yours that have twitch prime can watch so you can watch twitch prime content but the only people allowed in are people who can prove they own twitch prime so it's like going to be a small more intimate stream but you can watch much higher quality shit like the wire more high quality than african topless women more well i don't you probably can't show that on there uh or maybe i think you've proven otherwise am i crazy didn't you do that no no i uh oh no no no no that oh i've never done that was no mistakes like that that was was Taylor Durka-Murka.

A common mistake. He's a wild man. It's so funny. My top sub-dumb today is a guy with the username Matt Woodworth. It's like, thank you, Matt! He's honoring your name out there, Woody.

Don't worry. That's great. Doing good by me. That's a good idea. Maybe I'll do that when I start the wire I will be in if that is how it works and I can stream the wire with people I'm just my girlfriend's gonna hate it

I'll just be in here being like I'm working I'm watching I have to watch another episode oh yeah what's McNulty up to I'll tell you what he's up to I'll know at the time That was an interesting transition for me When I first started

When YouTube first started paying Suddenly playing Call of Duty became working And it was like woman Can't you see I'm busy here So that's Twitch is a lot of fun i'm really having a good time over there wish i'd started this earlier you started i'm looking for a bit yeah i started stopped for a while and then just you know was stupid and should have kept going didn't really realize how like i didn't get the metrics of it and how lucky i was to have the

kind of audience that i had right away and then like 600 people watching and you're like 600 why am i wasting my time not that no i knew 600 was a lot but like it didn't really sink in like this is this is a significant amount of people watching you on a stream like i i should really double down on this so like really i've quarantined to thank for being like what the fuck are you like kind of getting my head straight like what the fuck are you doing like you have this golden opportunity right before you and you're gonna kick yourself in a few years if you let this float by without taking advantage of it and striking while the iron's hot and getting something rolling here and so like yeah i'm pretty fucking motivated for it now i really really want to turn this into something and do it well that's cool that's cool yeah yeah it's fun hey timeline put a link in there's description to

fuck both of our streams but don't forget taylor's yes put us both in put and woody put us both right at the top above the sponsors yeah that i'm having a lot of what do you think your path is with streaming what do you because i know you're so into tarkov right now do you think like once you kind of lose the interest in tarkov you'll take a break for a while because i know you just do it straight up funsies you know pretty much yeah um i i used to always goof about how it wasn't profitable it's a little profitable now you know like i don't even know but let's say my annual run rate would be 20 grand or 24 grand something like that that's not nothing put it with the rest right like it's uh i'm i think i'm making minimum wage i don't want to brag too much but i think i might be

i might be up to minimum wage now um and uh and i enjoy it so that's that's a big thing I think people have a more favorable opinion of me when they see me in the streaming environment so that's kind of nice as opposed to just the show but oh and then I like playing the game with them there are people in my chat who are maybe better at the game than me and I ask them questions

you know did you think that guy died or do you think he went prone guys i need to find fucking railway exfil right now using the o'clock system where is it in general you know two o'clock two o'clock starts ripping through the stream and it's like i'm really glad you're here so you're lucky can i ask a question about gaming where i'm like where am i supposed to go for this mission? Half of my chat is just misinformation. Sending me on goose chases. It's funny in the end. I was in the middle of a mission trying to escape or something in my car.

And they're like, why? Everybody's like, why to boost? Why to boost? And I was trying to escape the cops and I hit why, not thinking. And I got jumped out of the car on the highway and died. not thinking you jump out of the car on the highway and like dies do you think there's any value in me doing something on twitch it's just completely uncharted uneven thought about territory for me i don't know if i would get kicked off instantly no you just have to like we were saying mind your p's and q's like look through the twitch

terms of service make sure that you're abiding by them like if you have somebody in chat trying to circle around and say like a gamer word just quickly pop over and be like no you're out of here dude we're not we're not fucking around your band we're not we're not messing around with that you know like just just get rid of them if what we said tonight on this podcast was reproduced on twitch would we have violated terms of service no yeah i've done some sex talk before and it's it's never been an issue yeah i know like it's like the edgiest thing we did right the butt talk said f slur then it would no longer be okay okay yeah yeah i think you could do some live streams where you're just uh out and about like i You're familiar with Ice Poseidon, right? Yeah, and I know one of his friends, Sam Pepper, who did it too.

And the thing that makes it so intimidating for me to even want to get into is Sam Pepper had a backpack rig with some sort of device that was receiving cellular data from every cell phone company. And that just sounded like a nightmare to get done and get together. So it intimidated

me off of the project i it's probably 20 minutes on amazon and another 20 minutes of plugging everything where it's supposed to go is it better now do you still need a device like that also it depends probably where you are i bet if you stay in la that the cell phone service is just top notch everywhere right yeah i mean i seemingly would just walk around with his fucking camp uh phone you know when he'd go like to dinner with his girlfriend or something i streamed live just in my back room and this wasn't like out in public or anything but i didn't realize the earning potential from going live and streaming until i did that in my back room on my main youtube channel some of the shows some of the

shows he'd do where he'd have people locked in a closet like like and the last man to leave or whatever would get a prize were just outrageous just outrageous in a good or a bad way good both both like there were parts of it where it'd be really boring but but like he had this um it was like a roomba with a camera on it and then also a steak knife and the um the audience could control this thing and drive it around and pan tilt the camera so they're always getting upskirt shots of the girls while at the same time like trying to stab the guys wait did we talk about this i feel like you told me about this guy last time continue i'm sorry i mean it's it's ice poseidon uh we may have uh you know i feel like you were telling me about some interaction in a trailer where some guy said something really creepy to a chick in an ice

poseidon video and you were that's actually the only thing we played last week's guest that last week's guest yeah you were you were psyched on that last time. You were telling me about it. You ever been raped? That's who I'm talking about. Should be. He's like, fuck, what a weird thing to say. I asked him about that last week, and he's like, no excuses. That was a fucked up thing to say, you know? I didn't rape anybody, let's all be clear.

I've spoken with the police. Not about that incident, but about my other rape charges no rape none whatsoever and i believe him i don't think he raped or sexually assaulted anybody oh he slapped some butts and stuff before he's definitely done a little groping but i don't he's raped. I haven't seen any evidence of that. I am. I like to watch people sometimes in their social performances, right? On the highest level, you have like Steve Jobs. They called it his reality distortion field. And when he would introduce a new product or an update to it, people would just go, gaga.

I didn't even know I needed that until Steve Jobs told me about how cool it was and played some Beatles music or whatever. So you get CEOs and him in particular. And then on the smaller level, only use me blade is really good at handling hot water amongst the best. And to have him just lay it out there, seemingly unstressed by the question, explaining his side of it. He does well. I think it's because he was innocent you know i i think it's easy for him to like respond to that question when he's like it's it the answer is it's either coming from one or two places that didn't happen let me explain

why or ah yeah i shouldn't have done that should i yeah no excuses i was an asshole you know no excuses i mean i had had an entire bottle of jaeger of course and that's the perfect way to deal with it he never said here's my excuse that girl you know said something earlier to me before camera that justifies it he doesn't do that he doesn't do it he handles it much better than that and you know he's good at it yeah he was great on the show i really appreciated him coming on i'm glad i'm i enjoyed him it was nice nice touching base with him after so long agreed agreed we'll have him on again i'm sure yeah danny what's the next video going up about i just dropped one today before I hopped on.

It's called Visiting the Most Unemployed County in America, which I believe in 2016, this was the official least employed county in America, Imperial. It's in the bottom right-hand corner of California. It features the dunes where they filmed Return of the Jedi. It's got the Salton Sea, which is an ecological disaster in the california desert and uh it's surrounded by meth heads it used to be a palm springs las vegas type resort but a flood wiped all that out and now it's just again crackheads and then we went down to el

centro which is just a straight meth town we made a little triangular pattern around the county interviewed a bunch of bums did some classic danny mullen antics some makeout attempts interviewing junkies getting shouting matches with security guards yeah absolutely making out with bums um no we didn't do that i don't want to false advertise i'm sorry female homeless oh we interview one we get a great interview she threatens the life of me and my family and puts a curse on me charming woman i like curses i call her a leather-skinned witch doctor she doesn't feel like uh yeah it's a solid video and then coming up next i'm trying to think what we have going on is it filmed already yeah it's it's edited and it's up on my channel i mean coming up next is that one trying to think what we have going on. Is it filmed already? Yeah, it's edited and it's up on my channel.

Is that one filmed or is that one an idea you need to execute on? I go week by week generally. It's a stressful approach. I feel great when I have multiple videos in the can and I can take a weekend off. Exactly. Yeah, but those guys do what? Six to ten episodes a season? YouTubers were expected to go year

round. It's fucking g expected to go year-round. It's fucking gnarly. Mm-hmm. When does South Park come back on? I don't know, dude. It seems like it's been forever. But if anybody out there hasn't watched that documentary, Six Days to Air, they should.

That's such a good... It's really good. It talks about how they make an episode every week, like it follows... I think the human centipad was the episode that they were making on i believe it is call but yeah when the hell or i guess are you looking up kyle when south park comes back no no i'm gonna look that up i mean i will season 24 christ wow yeah they've been going for a while how long has the simpsons been going uh the simpsons is a little older than I am. This is 92, 91, 83?

89, I think. What? Yeah, so that would make them 31. Yeah, December 17th, 89 to now. Is that the episode? I'm sorry. They used to have movie little lead-ins and stuff. Is that the TV show?

This is the TV show. The show started. This is after it show? This is the TV show. The show started, and this is after it was on the Tracy Allman show. Yeah, because Simpsons didn't start as a TV show. I know it as the, I'm so old. I know it as, they used to play it before movies. You know, they play

some ads and some Simpsons, and then the movie would start. It's like the Pixar bouncing lamp style thing, an animation before the film. That's just outrageous that The Simpsons run season 31. And it stopped being good on season 9.

That's being generous. How much is Dan Castle on Net-A-Worth? Who's that? He's Homer. No, $85 million? He's definitely worth more than that why would he i mean that's an enormous amount of money for that's enough voice of homer simpson oh okay well i it's he makes three hundred thousand dollars per episode that's pretty nice that's sick how many do a lot

of episodes this season 17 or 16? It's up there. It's not 10 like fucking South Park or something like that. It's probably 15 or 20. Yeah, the last season of it had. Yeah, well, they're on season 31, episode 22. There you go. He's making a nice penny. Wow.

Nice. Well, all right, let's let's wrap it up there. Wow. A nice penny. Well, all right. Let's wrap it up there. I've got a lot to do. My day got away from me. So everybody knows where to find Danny's shit. Check him out. Very funny videos.

Don't stream him on Twitch. But you should stream. Make your own Twitch, Danny. Reach out to me if you do make it. You'll be very funny on there. I'm down, man. I'm trying to get more into streaming if my schedule allows. Let do it dude all right cool cool all right pk any outros nope thanks for having me on again guys i always love thanks for coming on we appreciate you

i love it man i was so excited to get the message from chiz so thanks guys for having me again anytime