Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #494

Episode Date: June 15, 2020

In this week's PKA, it's a just the boys week! And Taylor goes into great details sharing stories from his car rental days, which involve bunking with a Mormon with a drinking problem, the guys answer a ton of interesting Patreon AMA questions which you can send in if you're a $10 Patron! But we kick off the show with talking about 60 Days In and other reality TV shows, because everyone has hot takes when it comes to quality trash TV. So tune in to a great, chill, and funny just the lads episode this week!

PKA 494, just the boys this time, just the girls, whatever. Kyle? A couple of sponsors tonight, ExpressVPN, GOAT.com, and a new one, AmeriCorps. PKA is proudly brought to you by AmeriCorps. AmeriCorps needs you now more than ever. What is AmeriCorps? It's the opportunity to help your neighbor and your nation through these difficult times. AmeriCorps members serve their communities by fighting hunger,

teaching, tutoring, and mentoring students, as well as responding to natural disasters. AmeriCorps is your chance to get involved and be the greater good. Search hundreds of opportunities and apply at joinamericorps.gov. That's joinamericorps.gov. There's a link down below. Check them out. What were they called?

I bet AmeriCorps is doing some cool shit in 2020, 2020 right like it's boring in some years but not now they've got a there's a lot of good to do out there they've got their work cut out for them and so check them out link below all right so so can we leave only use me blades in the hospital please tell me it's not well i only saw the image someone sent it to me and it had on his here here is it the image and it shows him laying in the hospital with his feet down there and it says they extracted 1800 cc's and so 1800 cc's of fluid that's a lot of fluid how much is that coffee cup i think a cc is a milliliter, isn't it? That is 60.86 fluid ounces of fluid.

Fluid ounces of fluid, yeah. 60 ounce. Wait. Three 20-ounce sodas. 1,800 CCs? Yeah. Yeah. Because a CC and a milliliter are the same thing, I believe. 1,000 CC's is a powerful motorcycle

oh my god well just because i know how big these pistons are so what we're saying here folks so you can understand is is blade had the displacement of a yamaha r1 a bmw r18 kyle Kyle. Get it right. Which is faster, the R18 or the R1? I wouldn't know. Or Blade. The R18 is the fastest. It had to be the R1. The R18 is not a sport bike. It's like a big cruiser.

Anyway, it's the biggest ever flat twin. I thought for sure, anyway, it was going to lead back to Blade. But you're like, it's the biggest flat twin there is. I couldn't stop myself. It was supposed to. When you're on board the BMW R18, the last thing in your mind is the diabetes that is slowly creeping through your body. I promise you that.

When you're on a Yamaha RX Blade, all you feel is the wind in your hair. 1,800 cc's of fluid. The Grim Reaper could never catch you on a Yamaha RX Blade. All you feel is the wind in your hair. 1800 cc's of fluid. The Grim Reaper could never catch you on a Yamaha R1. There has to be a good 15% of the audience that identifies cc's in piston displacements like I do. No! What? No!

Absolutely not. They would have to be in the small engines, first of all. And they would have to make an enormous leap. Because we're talking about Blade's medical situation. Yeah, well... This is insane what you've done. I can't do CCs in syringes. I have no idea.

It's insane. Then a light bulb went off, and I'm like, wait a minute. I know CCs. I've been working on small engines since I was a teenager. Well, I just thought of it like a CC is a milliliter, and a thousand milliliters a liter that's a thing but you know what a liter is you've seen like a one liter like mountain dew why didn't

we do two liters of pepsi right i was trying to get there and then you went to fucking important shit to cover kyle i said 320 ounce sodas right away Imagine if we were the three doctors working on Blaine and he's laying there dying as we argue over flat top, high piston displacement compression engines. Kyle's poking us both and we're going whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Viewers, I don't know why I didn't go to the two liter soda faster. Wait a minute. 1,800 cc's removed. That has to be a significant weight loss. Right? Like, if you remove 1,800 cc's removed that has to be a significant weight loss right like if you remove 1800 cc's from anywhere on my body that part of the body would look better or at least smaller well look i think the problem was the swelling look at his fucking leg woody oh uh did you guys link a picture yeah yeah yes his leg looks like it's got a liter and a half of liquid in it it does yeah dude if you had like if they

if the doctor told you you got about three ounces of weird fluid hanging out in your body somewhere you'd be like oh my oh no three three ounces jesus that's a lot if someone tells you you got you know a two liter diet pepsi just stuck under your skin that we need to flay open and pour out like that's i bet it was under high pressure too. So like they, they probably put that syringe in there and they did that thing where they pull the back off of it and it just, it was,

they told me they had to extract 1800 CCS. I'd be like, can you put it to me in automotive terms? Is that like a Honda civic? Can you remove it and then put it in my muscle area? Actually, what? Yes, it is the new honda civics have a 1.8 liter turbo now the turbo won't apply here because okay i've dragged that out too

far what if i want a nice bubble wow so i wonder that's coming back twice more what do we just love three i'm not a doctor what is swelling like what would cause it um well i am a doctor places like like well maybe he did the mma fighting no that's probably not it um i am a doctor and um i would say that he's got some severe fluid retention caused by something horrible that he has done to his body for the last 35 years. Why kick on now as he's cleaning up? Do we really think he's cleaning up? It's my understanding he's on a no alcohol George Foreman and spinach kick now. He was on a mostly no alcohol situation last time we saw him,

which is like a month and a half ago now. Yes, that is a lot of time to pass. And mostly no alcohol. Who knows what that means? He said almost no alcohol. He's like, well, yeah, I got drunk Friday night, but it was Friday night. How often does that happen? They're going to cut that open and it's going to

smell like licorice from all of the fucking Jaeger that's pooled in there. Do you want ants? this is how you get ants clean that blood up good god this is the stickiest patient i've ever had uh he's what 30 35 proof there's 70 proof i guess yeah this is rough when you have that much fluid collected in your body it's generally seen medically as a very uh they call that a two thumbs down scenario yes yes i read that you know when you're in the doctor's office this is a number eight frowny face

do not want that especially number nine and ten so hopefully he being in the hospital again maybe it's scaring him straight again or maybe i don't know but like i've been chatting with blade a little bit on discord every now and then um i i added him on discord um didn't know. I've been chatting with Blade a little bit on Discord every now and then. I added him on Discord. Didn't know anything about this. This is very recent, I'm sure. I'll check with him after the show tonight if he's online, and I'll bring back some information next week if I can get it. I hope he's okay because I really do like Blade.

As a guy, I really do. We goof around a little bit. I do like, because I really do like Blade. Like, as a guy, I really do. Like, we goof around a little bit, but, like, I do like him. I genuinely do. Like, I've met, like, I don't know, maybe every single YouTuber from that, like, Call of Duty era, and Blade's one of the most chill, laid-back, nice guys that I've met out of that whole group. So I wish him the best. The best version of Blade is as good as it gets. Like that's my take on it.

It's just we need that version to be the predominant version. Worst version? Yeah. Not ideal. Yeah, he's in a tough spot, you know. Yeah. But that looks very unhealthy.

Like if you're listening to the audio only version of this, you fool. Then his right leg is, it appears to me, maybe it's just the angle, but it appears three times larger in circumference than the left. It looks like one of the Lord of the Rings forced perspective Hobbit tricks. Yes,

it does. And it's his quad leg. Like his quad is swollen. So dramatically. It literally looks like what a two-liter fluid displacement would look like. Look at his right foot. Kind of go down a bit. Look at his right.

You can see the discoloration there sticking out of some very clean socks. See, that's a sock, Taylor. That's a sock he's wearing. What discoloration are you seeing? Right above the ankle? Right at his ankle on his right leg. You can see it almost looks bruised and purpley. Oh, God.

I hope that's a tattoo, dude. I see what you're doing. We know it's not. You're probably right. I attributed it to hair. There's hair in my body that's not very dense, but if you look at it vertically, it looks more dense. A little down lighting. Yeah, I really hope that's a tattoo around the man's ankle because otherwise that is wildly unhealthy.

Again, as a doctor, I would say that that's some sort of fear. So you want like an anchor, a skull and crossbones? No, I want you to make it look like my foot's about to die. So you want like a speckled bruise? Ah, the number nine. All right. Yeah, so thoughts and prayers fired out over to him. Yeah.

Those always work. Those always work. Yeah. You know what? Instead of paying taxes, we should be able to pay in thoughts and prayers. You've been sending me any thoughts and prayers for my goddamn peeper. Yeah.

Do you know how many thoughts and prayers I'm firing about? I just fired one up just now. I felt it. Oh, slow down. You hit the wrong eye. No, it's this eye, Taylor. I'm feeling it over here. This is the cancer eye.

I'm feeling it over here. Do you have a date on that? I'm finding out tomorrow when the date is going to be and what the recovery period is going to be. I don't know yet. I haven't been – I'm not afraid to do it. Like, like, like, but I have been putting it off. I've had a lot going on and, uh, and that has, the cancer operation has been kind of low on the totem pole of like shit to do

this week. That makes sense. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I am excellent at prioritization. You're Tarkov level 10 for fuck's sake. Obviously. As a, As a doctor. Yeah, I'm only level 10. I haven't been grinding as hard. I got a marked key, and I haven't been able to turn it yet.

I've died every time I've gone to turn it. It's been kind of upsetting. Not to go too deep into Tarkov talk, but which key? Custom store? For customs. For customs, yeah. I bought it for 385,000 rubles. I found one for West.

In the basement? I do have it right. West, on reserve. Oh, on reserve. The ZB bunch of numbers bullshit key. The marked room. On reserve. In West, of course of course yeah got it all right yeah yeah that's enough to our cop talk but yeah i um i'm

only level two your cool eye patch yet it has not fucking arrived mine's here they said they prioritize the guy with perfectly fine eyes over the guy with potentially versus et Amazon versus Etsy. You know, I like a little human slavery in my products because they get here on time. That's true. The Apple Corporation figured this out decades ago. They've all got COVID

hacking their lungs up, making sure you get your eye patch in two days. Yeah. Gross. It's not even enough time for the virus to die off of it apparently not that's a problem with amazon shipping i mean i'll take the four day at this point i'm like like i used to do the thing way earlier in all this where it was like you know i'm gonna take my lysol and spray down the box i have not done that in weeks because just the prospect of doing it is like i

this is this is such a pain in the ass i do i feel like the pandemic hasn't ended i just stopped caring yeah it's just yeah a lot of people stopped caring and it's frightening so a fucking bug man came to my house today a pest person like like not even they just walk the neighborhoods and like i happen to be getting my groceries off my front step when he showed up he looked just like fo neighborhoods and like i happen to be getting my groceries off my front step when he showed up he looked just like foys and and i and for some reason that was a look that really infuriated me i was already like pissed off like and i'm like getting my groceries not not about some just other stuff i was i was angry i was angry picking up my groceries and he's just like hey got, got some grossies, eh?

And I'm just like, all right, now I'm angry. Right? Yeah. Now I'm angry. He said, got some grossies, eh? That's not a thing to say. I'll tell you who he also – He's a hero of stars.

Remember in the movie Office Space, the guy who is talking to the main character about his girlfriend, like, hey, make sure you wear rubber. She gets around. And he's like, really? Like who? He's like, lumber, fucker. And he's got that blonde, spiky hair. That guy fucked Fwiz and they made a child who came to my house today to try to sell me pest control. And he was like hey i'm the bug man he said that after the grossies comment and i'm now i'm at like an eight out of ten furious and and i'm just getting the groceries and he's like i'm like i'm all good i don't need

anything and i'm just like walking back and he's, who's taking care of you? And I just closed the door and he laughs. I opened the door back up. And I'm just like, what's so funny? People don't like being bothered in the middle of the fucking day. Get off my fucking yard. And he's just like, whoa, buddy, have a good one. And I'm just like, oh, I'm so angry. Putting the groceries away.

I'm so angry. You would have caught me a year and a half ago. I was so angry. Putting the groceries away. I was so angry. You would have caught me a year and a half ago. You'd be limping back to that Hyundai that I'm sure is parked around the block. Yeah. Bug man.

You consolidated your grocery delivery and your exterminator? No, I didn't order a goddamn exterminator. He's going door to door. I had someone do that the other day, too. I had a guy knock when i was in the middle of a call and being like hey i'm covering my my buddy's uh thing and i was like yeah i what are you doing are you giving me a bill because i was getting a bill from the lawn service i was expecting and he's like no no i'm here to do a bug thing i'm like i'm in the middle

of a call man it's really not helpful and he's like okay okay no no problem let me just show you this i'm like give me a card he's like oh bad news cover my friend so i don't have his card and i was like all right well then just have a great day man he's like just two seconds of your time and i was like no no i'm i have to i'm missing a call my computer's here someone could be asking me a question i'm looking like a real fucking asshole right now if i'm not answering and then they're gonna start to suspect every time my cameras meet or my mic's muted i'm not paying attention which is not true and and so and he has the gall he's like all right let me just i'll pop back around at night is that okay and i was like no no it's not i'd rather you didn't come back tonight

and it was this was literally last thursday because i wasn't about to tell him because i didn't even tell him no I'm gonna be on a call from uh 6 p.m to 10 p.m tonight because no one would believe that but it was like no no just just don't come back sir please don't so yeah the bug people are out in full force I had the exact this is the second bug man who's shown up the last bug man showed up while we were doing either pkn or pka and it was the second time he'd come by i was busy the first time i was like hey i'm busy and he left and then he came back while we were doing the show and i i like got scared because the doorbell rang you know maybe it's maybe it's my probation officer coming to like

do a home inspection or something like that it's like it's a very stressful thing i'm always scared when the doorbell rings because those are stressful as fuck because you gotta go through your house with an adult like you're a child like making sure you don't have a bomb making like what's this waste can of tissues i'm just i'm sad see you guys aren't interested in the bug man because you don't seem to have a bug problem if i ran a bug business don't you think a little extortion would be a good idea like hey you know what tay? I got a proposition for you. It can either be $150 a quarter to me, or this carton of bed bugs dropped in your front yard. I have in this box 100,000 hissing cockroaches.

They are from Madagascar. These are the ones that didn't get eaten on Fear Factor, and they're pissed. He comes, like, I'm the bug man i'm like 150 a quarter if you just let me let me show you the paperwork let me come inside your house just real quick you get in there and you're like uh-oh you hear that pocket roaches you get a roach and you get a roach and then suddenly the police are called and they can't prove that you brought ma'am are you trying to tell me this gentleman came into your home i'll add that i was invited you're trying to tell me that you invited this kind man into your home

and then he began to i'm not quote throw bugs from his pockets all over the house ma'am this is absurd i'm getting you following a false false police report and i'm like ted we can work this out another way how about you just buy the bug thing and then that's when they realize that it's my brother the cop and we run a whole racket and then we end up in jail and then we're on 60 days in and we have to make up better paperwork so we don't get pulled i watched 60 days in with you. Was that last night? I think it was last night. That was last night. Yeah.

I was expecting to watch that show. I'd never seen an episode before. And I was like, usually when I do gaming, I like to play for at least four hours. And I don't think I'll be on that long tonight. So I'm just going to watch 60 Days In. I watched almost five hours of 60 Days In. And that show is awesome.

I've seen every episode. What season are you watching? I'm watching season five. It's got Abner. Abner's very cool. I've seen every episode. What season are you watching? I'm watching season five. It's got Abner. Abner's very cool. I like him, although I'm starting, it's episode five now. We watched five 45-minute episodes last night,

and it's getting to the point now where episode three or so, he's Mr. Infor- So for people who haven't seen it, he's this- Is Abner the Chicano? Yes. The Chicano guy.

He used to be a Latin king, but now he's going in there pretending to be in the chicano gang because apparently they're big rivals and his story is or basically for people who don't know this story is you people sign up you go into a prison for 60 days 60 days in and they have a quote-unquote mission while they're in there and these people do not fully comprehend that they're not necessary for any of these missions. This is a pretense for the show. And so like when they're getting interviewed, like, I mean, I'm really trying to complete the mission.

It's like, come on, come on. We're in here to watch you get fucked with a little bit. But this Abner guy, he is talking up a big game. Like I was in prison for X amount of years and I was an enforcer for the Latin Kings. And so I know exactly what's coming. And so early on, he's like yelling threatening people then by episode like three four five the other prisoners start to figure out that like he'll yell at you about how he's an enforcer and that's it he'll like get right up in your face and be like you've touched my stuff and

i'll beat your fucking ass man i've been around the block you think i haven't you think i wouldn't and like get right up in the face say i'm gonna beat your ass nothing nothing and they're starting to figure him out oh he beat that one child up though the one child well i haven't gotten to that yet you didn't see him bitch slap the guy yet oh yeah he like slapped a guy but it wasn't a he slapped the piss out of that kid well then i'm thinking of someone else then because he then he had then it's episode five that that hasn't happened yet. He hasn't open hand or fucked somebody yet. It was the kid

who was like racially confused. Racially confused. He's like half black, half Hawaiian and like, he wanted to like be able to hang out with the Mexicans and the blacks or something. No, we haven't hit that guy yet. The guy that I'm thinking about that he was gonna pop

was this weird looking dum dumbo-ear motherfucker, little guy who was just first day in. They're like, what are you in for? And he's like, I steal $600 of groceries. And they're like, how'd you do that? He's like, I put $600 of groceries in a grocery cart, and I tried to push it out the store. They're like, oh, and he's like, how far did you get? He's like, not even out of the store.

they're like oh and he's like how far did you get he's like not even out of the store and then immediately like abner someone asked him they're like you know you're a thief man you got something in your blood you got a problem like you're gonna you're not stealing around here are you and the guy's like no i'm not stealing around here the next scene it's like roberto's second hour in he walks over to the head of the black gang and steals a pepsi and then it shows him like sitting there guzzling his pepsi down and then not one scene later it shows him throwing the pepsi away walking back to the same guy's locker and stealing a second soda and it's like roberto has decided to steal a second soda from the head of the black gang and it is it is a hoot of a show the women in this season at least people

are telling me the women in other seasons are much better the women in this season suck because the whole mission is supposed to be the three that are in that block split off and like make little connections and get to know everybody else in the block all three of them instantly just form a little click and they're just talking to one another and then one of them doing the blonde is doing better than i thought i was we were all convinced the conservative absolutely the yeah everybody else is like it's like it was like i was saying on the stream it's like they ask you when you're on there like what do you want on there oh construction worker construction worker what do you want on there oh x-con and you work

real estate perfect man what would you like on there their military veteran former ceo and then she's just like no i want right wing conservative on there it's like what it doesn't whatever she did not say that i guarantee it they were like let's call her a right wing conservative everyone will hate her yeah well they i was convinced she was going to do the worst and then it ended up that the ringer from that season steve who they they you know built him up in the beginning. They're like, and then for our final ringer, because they have six people going in on their own. And then just in case those six people get compromised because of some sort of information leak, they have a ringer go in who's totally independent. The other six have no idea who this guy is. He's just blending in and he is pumping his own tires. I'm a private investigator. I've been in lots of fights. I've seen things you wouldn't believe. I've done undercover work. I've done undercover work for organizations I can't even name.

Bad undercover work. Like people shoot at me when I'm in the trees. Yes. People shoot at me when I'm in trees. People, when they catch me tailing them, they'll rear end me. It's like, okay, so you're not a very good one. He gets one day in he lays under a blanket and then someone asks him like how long are you in for he's like i don't know

maybe like a couple a couple months and then like the the black guy walks over to the camera in the corner he's like shit you want like 60 days in it was day one and the guy's like hiding under his cover like oh no i've been here for 40 minutes and I'm already exposed. And then all of these inmates in there know that they're being recorded. And so two of these crazy people start talking about a way to get drugs in that they're clearly not actually using. And they're like, so what we do is we dip a birthday card in acid and then we let it dry. dip a birthday card in acid and then we let it dry and then we soak the birthday card in cologne a couple sprays so that when it's coming in the jail they spray they smell it and they go oh this is just perfume they don't know that it's just an enormous tab of acid effectively and this guy

laying down is like jackpot as if the problem in u.s prisons is is LSD. And so immediately, he's been in there for one hour, shows him interviewing, and he's like, I found what I needed. I'm out of here. Day one. And the way you get out is you go, ooh, my shoulder. You're supposed to walk up to the camera and be like,

ooh, grabbing your shoulder. Ooh, my shoulder. Ooh, my shoulder. Whoa. Doing that. And by just a couple minutes in, he's walking around going, ah, ah, ooh, both of them now.

Ah, he's like walking up and he loses his mind to the point because they're not responding to him because they're like, bitch, this is a show. You're not actually on a mission. We need you to be entertaining in there. Your content. He walks over to the pay phone, calls them they're like, bitch, this is a show. You're not actually on a mission. We need you to be entertaining in there. You're, you're, you're content. He walks over to the pay phone, calls them and is like, I've been doing the sign. Have you been missing my sign? Have you been missing it? They're like, just stay in there. You were not interested in LSD. You can find more

stuff for us. And he's like, I'll tell you what I'm making the sign again right now. And you're going to be in here in 10 minutes or i'm going to stand on this table in the middle of this in the middle of this pod and all of these motherfuckers are going to know what's going down and immediately they're like get steve out of there he's going to ruin the whole show and so they just pull him out and steve's like i thought they were going to put me on a different assignment because i discovered it so quickly and then they just told me you can't threaten us and expect to stay on the show. Do you know how hard it is to get kicked out of prison?

And so that guy is lowest of the power ranking. Highest power ranking now is the black guy who's a cop because he's already becoming a ranking member of the gang. Like he's screaming at people being very alpha. He's going overboard a little bit. That guy's jacked. Yeah, he looks good and he's somehow maybe i saw his face or like collarbone up and i'm like he looked pretty skinny a little skinny to get by in prison and then i saw him longer and it was like what the

fuck he could be a wide receiver or something like yeah yeah he's a fit big guy so him and abner uh are my two favorite ones so far from that season but i gotta watch more of this it's yeah i love the show uh if you go back to it might be season two and three it they're in i know one of the things they'll do is like season one and season two might both be in indiana i know the first season is indiana i don't know if they just go back into Indiana for the second season, but they go to Fulton County, Atlanta, Georgia at one point for two seasons. And one guy, this white guy, he gets in so good with the prisoners, and the prisoners love him so much. They call him White Mike.

White Mike. They're playing ball. He's good at everything. He's an ex-Marine. He's athletic, playing basketball with all black guys, and he's holding his own. He's just good at stuff, and he's friendly.-Marine. He's athletic, playing basketball with all black guys, and he's holding his own. He's just good at stuff. He's friendly.

People like him. He's in. They get to the end of season two or season three, whichever it is, and they go, Mike, you did amazing. You did amazing. You found a lot of great intel. We've got to ask you, though.

Would you like to do 60 more days? He's like, ah, I need to think about that. The next day he's like, you son of a bitch, I'm in. He was doing so well, he's in for 120. He does 120. And they earn a thousand bucks a day. Am I right on that? We've done a lot of research to determine what they get paid. It's impossible that it's a thousand bucks a day am i right on that we've done a lot of research to determine what they get paid it's impossible that it's a thousand bucks a day though if you look at the economics of an a and e show like there's just not enough money involved for that to be profitable with like let's call it eight contestants eight thousand dollars a day for 60 days it's it's not gonna work out um it's a lot of money i think i think us doing math could be a new tentpole topic. It's $480,000, I think, just off the top of my head.

But it's hard to do this and do the math in my head. But still, it seems like too much. I think I read that they pay them maybe $10,000 a month each or something like that, which is still a lot of money. I was guessing, yeah. I feel like that's enough is still a lot of money i was guessing yeah i i feel like that's enough to draw a lot of people in but not so much that it breaks the bank for a show to oh you know another motherfucker on that season five that i like uh who he's like this he's a super fan his only thing it says under his name is fan of the show and he was like his like intro was

like you know what i've watched every episode and i just don't want to be the first one who gets kicked out but i think i'm gonna do okay you know i've watched enough episodes and he gets in there right away and he's and there's someone screaming on the floor having a seizure and he's like i always watch the the onboarding process and i thought man how are people getting scared already i gotta tell you i'm very frightened i like this dude yeah he's yeah he's he's a likable guy he's just a bit doughy and and you know his nips are always showing but he does one thing in the middle more every time he's like getting interviewed he's like i have no idea what's going on and I don't know what I'm doing. He's very upfront about it. I love this guy.

I know. He's a self-confident and admitting. Yes, in the beginning. Oh, he's the preacher man, right? Yes, he's the one that right in the middle of a big get-together, he goes, Bible study, Bible study. That guy beta-mails his way to second-in-command, which is fitting as a beta he gets to the point where he

is number two of all the whites and the leader of the whites has him as like his i don't know his commander or something he's the one who like goes out and organizes he's the one who delivers the the orders and obviously it's a very racially tense thing in there. So like the whites are probably more racist than any other race because they're often outnumbered and well, in any case, they come forward with aggression. Not just that they make up for it with overt racism. Whereas like the blacks aren't always talking about whitey,

you know, but the whites seem to be awfully concerned with what the other races are up to. And, and so like the preacher man, whitey you know but the whites seem to be awfully concerned with what the other races are up to and and so like the preacher man who's the plant will be talking with like the the number one in command white guy and he'll be dropping some n-bombs and he'll be like he'll be talking about like all sorts of things that i won't go into and the preacher man just got to be like and the preacher man just got to be like yeah that's how they are like showed him to like the preacher man talking to him being like yeah yeah okay yeah yeah yeah and then the guy walks around him and the preacher man's the last one leaving the room and he just

looks up at the camera he goes holy fuck and he's like just all scared but he basically like he was trying to call the bible study but like he was clearly trying to do it the way that he thinks prisoners walk. He was walking around going like, Bible study, Bible study. Hey y'all, Bible study down here. Nobody comes to his Bible study. He's sitting there by himself. He also made the mistake of white TV hour. Like they had, apparently like Kyle said, they have racial TVs, except

the guy who was leading that block. I hope that's where this is going. The guy named Rocker, who's the black guy in charge. In this block, the black gang is the most powerful. I think it was the other block where it was the white gang that's the most powerful. So there are different dynamics there, but they're not interacting, obviously. And it's the white guy

who looks like Lord Farquaad, the head of the whites, is like, hey, it's your day. You know, pick what's on TV, dude. Pick what you want. And the guy's like, I don't know. I didn't know what to pick. I didn't I didn't want to ruin white TV day is what he said. And he goes ESPN.

And then everybody's going, oh, oh. And he's like, but it's March Madness. You guys don't want to watch March Madness. And then they turn it on that. He sits down and looks away from the TV, and Rocker starts going, how are you going to put it on ESPN? You're not even watching the TV. Give me the remote.

And he's like yelling, and this poor preacher guy is like alone in his little confessional later, and he's like, well, I ruined white TV day. So that guy I like a lot. He's cool. After watching six seasons of that show i think that's what it is i feel infinitely better about how i handled myself in jail and in prison because some of these people are such pussies and such bitches and so socially retarded that it's just like why would you say that why would you do that why would you stand there why

are you sitting like that what's wrong with you like wait till you get to the season in Fulton County where they start thinking that one of the fellows is gay because he walks a little funny and he carries himself a little funny it's a whole thing it's a whole thing because like Because like if you were trans, like if you were a hot gay person in there, if you were attractive and like open to like servicing some men, that'd be okay. Nobody would mind. They'd love that. Some of them in particular.

But if you're just like a regular looking guy, if you look like one of us and you're just gay, that doesn't fly. That doesn't fly. Yeah, well, I mean, we're not hot enough to be gay. We all know that. Now, and also- Maybe if I worked out in prison, I would be.

We don't have the build for equity. A lot of burpees. Burpees, burpees until you- No, no, no, forget the burpees. Squats. That's good thinking. That's what's going to serve you best as a prison bitch yeah huh literally nice and firm back there that'd be funny to be a guy who ruins it immediately

where they're like talking to me they're like taylor you're gonna go in try and infiltrate the white gang see how high up you can get and as i'm going in get an interview and i'm like they told me to infiltrate the white gang i don't think so i don't think i'm gonna do that just walk in and be like hey what's up homes it's me tito and then immediately like get him out of there get him out of this immediately immediately they have to pull me out they're like i'm like oh i didn't realize they would tag me as white it's like you had an american eagle shirt on you were the only new prisoner with Sperry's.

Man, you don't like boating recreationally, man? Man, you know what? For Hispanic TV Day, I'm putting on HGTV. Get a little Property Brothers. And they're like, you're not pulling it off, man. No, it's a great show um and there's some like legit like fights and stabbings that go down it um it's any stabbings they're kind of rare um i'm trying to think of the season that has the stabbings it's not fulton county um it's in that season like one of the guys was like it's is an ex-college quarterback.

He's a big black guy, and he's really ripped, and he's tall and thin. He's got his shirt off all the time, doing chin-ups on the stairs for the cameras. At some point, two of the other prisoners get into an argument, and it just keeps getting more and more serious until they're shouting and yelling and sort of in that pre-fight stance. And one runs away, like runs away. And you're like, well, that was weird. And he immediately returns with a mop.

Handle first, swings it at the guy and misses and it snaps in two. And instead of hanging on to the jagged handle he drops that because the guy he swung at has pulled out a shank oh excuse me a chink jink and he and the guy starts stabbing the fuck out of him as fast as he can all like like like the guy getting stabbed kind of goes in like for a takedown maybe but that just opens the back of his head and the and his shoulders up to just and like the worst stab wound was actually his ear because ears bleed like crazy and so there's just blood flowing everywhere and oh yeah he was fine that's the thing when i think about a knife wound i think about a singular one or sometimes a slash which is

awful cosmetically but um people who are serious about stabbing they'll get 12 15 25 stabs oh yeah it's especially a sharp toothbrush like they know they can't get you with one and so prison stabbings it's like oh so and so was stabbed 37 times because it's yeah the knives almost always suck three-quarter inch you know incisions in your body yeah most of the knives suck it'll be like a really small screwdriver that's been like sharpened to a really sharp point they're like like ice pick wounds but not but it's never even long as an ice pick it'll it nail they'll sharpen a nail up, like literally a nail, and then put that in something like a T-grip so that the nail protrudes out between the knuckles

and they can punch with it. It's real troublesome. Cool show, though. Cool show. It's an interesting premise. I had read that it was fake, but after watching it, I don't think that that is fake. That looks pretty fucking legit. I had people in chat, Taylor Merca on Twitch, come that looks pretty fucking legit i had people in chat taylor murca on twitch come hang out guys i had people in chat saying

like oh this is so fake so fake i i don't even humor that like it's better to believe it's real you know i don't want to go into it trying to poke holes that much unless it's really over the top obvious i don't think it's i don't think it's fake i think that um the way they edit it sometimes can be to like pump up the drama like maybe if something's happening and they go to like a close-up shot of someone for a reaction maybe that reaction wasn't right at that moment maybe they're not actually reacting that way to what happened but that's just to like get a narrative going of course but the actions that happen are real and the prisoners are actually in there. So last night I was reading about that.

What happened was Taylor asked if anyone ever died on the show. It raised my curiosity so I started looking at it, started reading all about the show, etc. Contestants have said that certain things are fake or misleading and by that they mean that like, look, they acted like

I was in really hot water for this thing. I actually wasn't. They pumped some music in and made it seem like a bigger deal than it really was. They acted like the cause of my hot water was this thing.

Like, actually, they were mad about something else and they just stringed together some misleading editing to make it look like the anger was caused by that. Or they go, take a couple events and turn them into one bigger one with a longer yelling match. But all the footage is better yet, it's edited

but not scripted. I think that's the phrasing I'm looking for. Certainly so. Yeah, and so that definitely doesn't make it fake. But if you look at any other reality show like Survivor or Big Brother or anything like that, that shit's fake as fuck. It's so fake. It's so fake.

All of it's so fake. I haven't watched Survivor since season one. I wonder what level of fake it is. Like, for example, do they choose who wins the competitions? Do they – who gets voted off? Is that chosen by the producers or the contestants? Like, where is the fake beginning end? I would say that all of that is legit.

Like the voting and the, uh, the, the winners and stuff is, is legit. But the way that things are presented to us are completely different. And they might suggest that like contestants don't know a thing when in reality,

like Jeff probes just walked over there and like all right so here's what we're gonna do y'all act like you're hearing this for the first time when i tell it when we do it in a minute but i it just a lot of it is scripted really like like like reactions and and all that stuff it's it's super fake i'm gonna watch more of it that show show's awesome. Oh, that show's great. I like that show a lot. I'm getting really into these shows that are just like chaos porn, almost, where it's like 60 Days In, Intervention, Hoarders.

Hoarders, it's the creme de la creme of those in some ways. I've seen them all. Because they get so, so good. But Hoarders can be different. You can get that one lady that has nothing but bags of cat shit and human feces at the top of her stairs and then there's the other like kind of people where it's like they're just way too into records yeah and it's like it's too it's like organized but it's just controlled chaos and it's way better when it's the cat shit people wait yeah i agree

like like some of those people it's like wait a minute if you just sent those guys from the history channel like the the pickers over here they'd be delighted right like like he's just got a lot of star wars figurines laying everywhere but then you go across town and there's a lady who's literally living in dead animals and human excrement and they start pulling out the cat skeletons one by one they find so many dead cats you know what there are no hoarders with dogs no the dogs are a cat thing there was a hoarder two doors down from me when we moved into our ocean city house our next door neighbors were well one was like a motel and the other was a regular person and then a hoarder and that house was like it was the worst of the worst hoarders

um they eventually could you smell it the like the seam of the house broke open from the the pressure of the the contents inside jesus yeah that's how 12 year old Woody got in. And, uh, we went like, also how he got syphilis for the first time. Um, the, like it, like that's how I remember it anyway. I think I'm right on that. And, and it was just like, we walked in and I couldn't believe that people live that way. There were paths inside the house to like, get from room to room. And even those paths weren't always clear like you had to step over grocery bags and stuff like that it's like they started encroaching on

the path space and it wasn't organized and it was junk like junk junk boxes full of nonsense maybe old clothes rotting food um, broken furniture, things that had no value. But I guess they thought, oh, I might need two-thirds of a bed rail someday. It's a sickness. Keep this around until I need it. Some sort of weird psychological upset. Jim Norton had a really funny line in some old ONA where he was pretending to be the hoarder. He's like, oh, I didn't expect you.

Can you give me a decade? The house was three stories tall. It was a pretty good-sized home. And every story was like that all the way up. The stairs were treacherous to climb. And it was like a garbage dump inside a house. And it was insane. It's crazy.

And I'm sure it was like this too where when the piles of things become so large they start decomposing and then it's no longer even you can't even differentiate what the pile used to be it's just and now like melting pile of decomposing shit yeah shit melts together yeah not like literal shit necessarily but like even like newspapers all this pulpy stuff yeah there's lots of literal shit too, depending on the number of cats or if they're pooping all over the floor. Those people who can't figure out what to do with their own shit,

it's like, this isn't a home anymore. This is a dump. I can't imagine a world in which I no longer have a place to shit in my home. Like, can you... I just can't imagine... I would go outside. I would go outside! I'd rather be camping than live in a dump like if my toilet broke and it was like emergency

shit time there's woods behind my house and i'm going into them to shit and if that short of that if it's broad daylight and the neighbors are out playing football, I'm going to poop in a bucket or something. And then that bucket's going in the woods. There's no circumstance in which I just continue shitting into the toilet that doesn't work anymore, wiping my ass, and then taking the shitty toilet paper and adding it to the pile of other shitty toilet paper. And that's what they do. adding it to the pile of other shitty toilet paper and that's what they do the only people who liked that hoarder were the garbage men because guaranteed she didn't put anything on that curb for over a decade yeah all of it kept in the house yeah so yeah and that was one of the episodes where it got condemned and it was like she was crying we have to burn your house down

because it's so dangerous you've endangered endangered everyone. That's where COVID started. We're going to find out. A lot of the time, it's rare, but sometimes it's like with like that show, My 600 Pound Life. So often, and that Indian doctor, Dr. Now, speaker of truth, one of my idols, love that guy. But it is refreshing in like one out of 10 episodes where someone will come back in and the guy will be like, Tim, I am so proud of what you've done here. You've lost even more money or more weight than we were thinking. It's like, yeah, Tim.

Hell yeah, dude, because it's a nice you know what I mean, Kyle? Like, I know you've watched a lot of that show. I love it. You have Woody. But like in the reason that's satisfying is because nine times out of 10, they will come back in. And the reason that's satisfying is because nine times out of ten, they will come back in. They will lie to his face about, I've only been eating 800 calories a day and somehow I'm putting on more weight. Have you ever considered that it's not the food that's doing it? Have you ever considered that, doctor?

Are you so wrapped up in your science that you can't? And whereas like some mealy mouthed white doctor might be like, well, you know, there are a lot of ancillary things that could happen. He's like, no, it's the food food you're eating too much don't lie to me don't waste my time and they'll just like leave he's got he's like i've i've got i'm too busy i'm too busy for your shit i got a bunch of other hippos and other rooms to go inspect and so that that shows great uh thousand pound sisters those that's another good one uh i've only watched a little bit of that but those gals are so big that they've begun storing fat in their foreheads and they're losing their sight oh like their eyes they didn't say that but if you look at them like they're

look at this i need a name of the entire continent of asia can't see either let me let me show you this and you tell me that these bitches aren't slowly going blind especially the one the one on the left the amount of forehead fat is encroaching on oh no oh no Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Alright, look. The one on the right legitimately looks like Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars. Yeah.

And the one on the left... And she's cross-eyed. Wait, the picture I linked? Well, you linked like Google. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to link this. No, it's better this way.

You get like a... Yeah, I've been showing a bunch of them to people. I wonder if these are all the same people. This one looks Asian. That's after she gained a little more weight. I can't see. That's a eye joke. Oh, scroll down.

There's a picture of her with her boyfriend and that one. Oh, he likes a big booty. Look, but look at the eye thing that I'm talking about there. Yeah. It's like, she's got a, like right here, there's like a pocket of fluid, like right in the middle of the forehead, the size of like a, a a um a coaster a drink coaster uh yeah i like that that that she's with a fit black man though and i bet he like he's at work with his boys and one guy's like yeah my girl got the biggest booty you ever seen and the other one's like no uh my girl got a donk. And he's just like, gentlemen. Let me show you a photograph of my young lady.

Hey, can you throw her on the flatbed and swing her by the site? God damn. Yeah, that's... So my joke wasn't entirely wrong. Looks like they're losing their sight. It looks like she's losing their sight it looks like she's going to lose her sight just from fact well she can't look up for sure if something if like a

bird was coming down from above she definitely doesn't have like that angle anymore no and so i haven't watched enough of this show to know if it's that good probably not nearly as good as my 600 pound life because did you mention 48 the first 48 hours too i haven't watched that no oh i like that we watched that a lot in prison and we would critique the criminals what's the premise ah so you follow a a law enforcement team usually it's maybe like one officer and his partner i've seen a lot of episodes like that. And you begin right when a crime is committed, like, like a murder, like, like, like, like this lady, we just, an episode I watched, this lady is found in her car. I want to say like her body's been burnt and she's dead

in the car. And they're like, all right, clock's ticking. And the idea is that murders that aren't solved within the 48 hours the first 48 hours the the solve rate or it like really drops down if you don't catch the bad guy in the first 48 hours then the odds of you catching him are greatly diminished at that point and sure enough like two days in like they've got this guy and they're like we think it's him and they bring him he's like they call him like hey um we know you're not involved like winks at his body like we know he's involved but uh you know we know that you knew michelle we'd like you to come in like maybe you saw some suspicious character she was hanging around with, you know, like you and maybe some violent men who were with her buying drugs

like you were. So maybe you could come in and talk to us about it. He's like, yeah, sure. He comes into the interview room. He takes a selfie when they leave him alone in one of those law and order style interview rooms with the handcuffed table. Like he's chilling. When I saw that, I was like the prisoner next to me, I was like, no way this guy did it. Look at him. He's taking selfies of himself in the interrogation room. Nobody is that loose and like confident. I was wrong. He a fucking dumbass he's the he's the biggest dumbass ever 12 hours later they're locking his ass up on the street dragging him away and at the end the credits roll and it's like he was sentenced to 37 years in federal prison and you're just like

god damn it's that's interesting that that's such a popular show in prison. The 48 hours thing I question, though. Okay, let me lay it out. I used to work in tech support, and the bosses had this thing. They're like, you know, we were discovering that if the question isn't solved on the first call, that question's average lifespan is five days. And it's like, so they're like,

we need to really focus on getting everything solved on the first call okay genius if a question is not solved on the first call it's a hard one that's why they're lasting so long it's not the not the like if a murder is not solved in the 40 first 48 hours it has fewer clues it's not that something about the 48 hours is the primary reason they go on. Oh, sure. Exactly. It's that they're tougher ones to crack. Of course. Well, and probably like caseload stuff. The longer

it sits back there, the more. What it really is, is that crimes that you can solve in the first 48 hours are easy ones. Slam dunks or dunks. Yeah. And based on the wire, they're trying to get their clearance rates up, so they're not going to bother with the really difficult ones because right now who it is going down in uh baltimore everybody's getting fired oh and uh is it okay in the wire yeah in the wire and this you know this the black guy's white lieutenant who has that crazy accent

that really weird accent you know i know what I'm talking about? You just said the black guy, and it's a show about a dozen black characters. The black major. Major Colvin. Okay, Major Colvin. I think it's Major Colvin, and he has a second-in-command, wild-bearded lieutenant guy

who has that crazy... Is that a Baltimore accent? And if it is, why does nobody else have it in the show? McNulty has a very authentic Baltimore accent. I never noticed the... Lieutenant Colvin's a black guy. Are we talking about the right person? I thought it was a Major, but Major Colvin's second in command. He's a white man in his late fifties with facial hair.

He's like his right hand man when they're setting up the free zone. Um, this is some nitty gritty shit. Yeah. I was trying to show a picture of people to people so that they could place him, but I'm struggling. Like,

uh, it's hard to Google old and second in command let's try it well fuck me sorry guys i was just trying to figure out that was because he's funny it could be maybe it's philadelphia because he's he's talking the way like dennis he's talking the way like dennis makes fun of philly accents from it's always sunny you know and i didn't know that people from philly like talk like that for real i thought it was more like dennis making fun and it was this is the weirdest x if i'm probably missing it but like fucking mild but that it was weird like the way that guy in the show was doing it it sounded nothing like any accent i've ever heard he's the only guy saying anything like that

in the entire show and he sounds like dennis making fun of a philly accent when i think philly accent i think of Rocky Balboa. I'm sure. I went to college in Philly. I've been to Philly. They sound like me. Okay, well then, Dennis. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this guy. Maybe he has a speech impediment. But you have zero accent, Woody.

I think you've... I don't know that you make fun of me all the time about shit I say wrong. That can't be true. Well, accent has nothing to do with your issue. Oh, everyone says nuclear in my area. I mean, none of us really have an accent. Well, if they did, then that would be correct.

It is nuclear. I did it on purpose, though. That's not the one I said. I didn't want anyone to make fun of me. Learning. Kyle, you escaped the accent game for the most part, Kyle. Absolutely, yeah. I've gotten rid of probably like 90% of mine, maybe 85.

Yeah. I'm Midwest. I grew up in a real... Everyone understands me. Grew up in a real rural area. We say oil. Earl. Foil.

Moil. Moil. Moil. We don't say moil too much. We run them folks out of town. Is a moil a Jewish person? It is. He's the one who performs the circumcision. Yes.

Yep. Fun facts. Fun culture facts. So anyway, The Wire is sick, though. I'm really enjoying it. We don't have to talk about that, though. I'm almost done with... No, I'm... Like like episode five, season three.

And already it's better than all of season two combined. Oh yeah. Yeah. It gets better. It was the most killable character I've seen in any show for a while. I think he sucks dick. I hate that character so much. Least favorite character for sure. Yeah. When you're done with that, we'll we'll recommend something else. I have to think like what you haven't seen that would be like the creme de creme yeah i mean i could always go to supernatural but i would be looking out for those ones that people rave about like supreme um

i think you might like big love i haven't even heard of that big love is uh I think Bill Pullman is the star. And he has, Gene Triplehorn, I think, plays his wife. And the daughter is played by a girl who's a famous actress now and does a lot of shit. But in any case, Amanda Siegfried, yes, very hot. Especially on that show when she's, I don't know, 15, 16. They're Mormons. It's okay. I like Sister Love. Isn't that Sister Wives? Sister Wives is better than Big Love because it's real. It's a real reality TV show. Yes. Big Love is a drama. So that takes away the interesting part to me. That's why. So the other one is it's a guy's married to three women,

and you see their relationship and the challenges in it. They get chased out of, like, Utah, I think, and they find their way to Vegas. And he earns a lot of money, and he deals. I don't know. Like, you see their love life. And, like, the fat one's a little jealous that he seems to want to have sex with the hot one the most. And was like well yeah and uh it's i i like i know it's a reality tv show but i like

the fact that it's at least based in real it's supposed to be real yeah i don't i uh you know i feel like it's like comparing the wire to cops right you know cops is real it's real drama they're actually locking people up serving and protecting but you know there's no mcnulty having a drama with his ex-wife and like the she's dating a lawyer or whatever the fuck and he's like looking down at the lawyer and they're nice like seats right behind the plate while he's up in the mezzanine you know you don't get all that because you didn't have a great team of writers just making it up as they went along. More like The Wire vs. 48 where you follow

a case a little longer. Sure. I see it. That's a good show though. I like that show a lot. I've seen every episode of that twice. I dig it. Good show. I didn't know as much about LDS as I did

going in. I really didn't know anything about Mormons at all. I was just like, oh yeah, those really polite people that go door to door. The more I learned about it, the cooler it was. Some of the basis of their religion and how the polygamists are really like the red headed step children of that religion. are really like the redheaded stepchildren of that religion and and they go to like a legitimate lds church so their polygamy has to be like top secret and that's it's a bit like the americans that he has this secret that he's always got to keep like only like like like close family no obviously

because you can't hide it from your family but like everyone else like doesn't know and so he has to hide the fact that he's got three wives and all these inventive ways and it's really fun when like he's with both of his all three of his wives or maybe even just two and he has to explain why the third one or the second one is there it's it's a lot of fun. It's silly. Well, I mean, Mormons are good people. I mean, not so much on this show. There seem like some awful people.

He's great. He seems like a nice guy. Like he doesn't cheat. He's respectful. He's a provider. He's always trying to balance his time to like give to each of them. Like he pray sometimes and his prayer you know that's where you get a real good insight into like what's going on with him when he's alone by himself praying to god and they're good prayers you know you you hear his prayer and you're like oh he's praying for

like the strength to like show his wife more more um of his softer side or like the ability to like show his wife more, more, um, of his softer side or like the ability to like instill in his son, like the, the morals that, that, that, that he, that he cares about or whatever. It's like, like he's really like nice things that he asked for. He's never like, God, if I could just get the other supermarket store going, I'd be making 2 million a year. We'd be in the big time. It's never that it's always like help me work into my daughter's life and and be a part of it before she's gone it's it's always good stuff he's just such a lovable likable guy in a weird world we'll have to check that out after the why well that's going to be quite a change of pace

yeah after the wire andranos. Do you watch The Expanse? I know Woody and I are big fans. No, I've scrolled past it, but I've never watched it. Maybe that's a good one up next. That might be the way to go. How many seasons does that have? I would guess three or four.

First couple seasons were made by the Sci-Fi Channel, I believe, and then is it Netflix that bought it? Amazon, right? Amazon, you're right. Then Amazon bought it, and then it got great because they've got money and they can curse.

Yeah. And they can show top of butt crack. I don't know why they're not showing titties. That's so ridiculous. Amazon should be showing titties as much as they want. I'm re-watching The Witcher and I'd forgotten just how many titties there are. So many titties.

Didn't that show just come out? The Witcher? No. It came out last year. Yeah, I really enjoyed The Witcher. I thought it was great. In hindsight, I'm low-key angry what they did with the time changes like what they filmed the witcher and then they played it on shuffle for some fucking reason i can't explain and you're supposed to watch it on shuffle why did you do that what

um so having since i'm going i agreed with you 100 the first time i watched it and i do find it to be confusing it would have helped a lot if they have just been like a little title thing there that was like 10 years later that would have solved so many problems so i don't have a problem with the time jump as much as i do with them not explicitly throwing it out there because if you don't memorize characters names right away you won't get it because there's a part where um there's a king who had fucked his sister and then the sister died and the baby that was in her womb became a monster and gerald has to like save that monster and make it a human being girl again well you go back in time and you see that king and his sister as children. And he's kind of like messing with her a little bit.

And it's sort of this hint that, oh, they've always had a little something going on. And they use the king's name. Like, I don't remember his name, but I still don't. See, that's the problem. They're not normal names. They're extra hard. They're made up names, witcher names. Like, they're not even like old English.

Yeah, yeah. It's not even old english or something like that from our universe it's made up goofy goofy woofy laughy taffy names but um but having but since i'm going through the second time and i i really recognize and pick it up it does help with the character development a little bit. I feel like you know more about the characters than if it were played in chronological order. But I definitely agree. There should have been a title card

or something going 10 years later, 10 years earlier, 10 years later. Just let me know. Anyone's watching The Witcher. This is how I watched it. I used Cliff Notes. I'd watch an episode of The Witcher and I'd enjoy it and understand, I don't know, 80% of it or something. Then I go to the Wikipedia page and

read a paragraph about what I just watched. Like, aha, all right, I get it now. I'm ready for the next episode. Bring it at me. And I just keep doing that where I'd sort of, oh, like it just sort of fill in the blanks, help me understand the time changes by, by reading a paragraph. Yeah. I, I, I think I'm pretty sharp, especially when it comes to, to like TV shows and like picking up the little hints and like the way the character's eyes move at a certain point, like, Oh, he doesn't like what that guy said. But with that, I was a little bit fucking confused around episode three or so.

I was like, well, wait. Wait, what? Because they don't age the actors either. Ten years pass, but the actors look exactly the same. Oh, that's annoying. All of the actors. Now, it makes sense that Henry Cavill's character, the Witcher, Geralt of Rivia,

doesn't age because he's a mutant. But nobody fucking ages like like like nobody ages maybe they're all yeah I'm trying to think like the humans do like Kyle just mentioned they flip back to them as kids all right in that one instance but it's different actors is what I'm saying like that that there's hired children to like portray king. But in the instance of, for example, the lioness, the queen who's like a badass, who her granddaughter is the little girl who's very important to the whole story and we're always following her. They went back to before the granddaughter was even born,

when her daughter was marrying the hedgehog man. You look pretty much the same. Look pretty much the the hedgehog man, you look pretty much the same, look pretty much the same, you know, pretty much the same, like minor, minor, minor differences.

But like she just had fought in a battle, you know, she was all bedraggled. So it was like, but in any case, that's a great show too. Like, I like that show.

It's what I'm watching right at the moment. Have you seen the Witcher, Taylor? No, I have not. I haven't watched any of that. I think that's better than some of the other watching right at the moment. Have you seen The Witcher, Taylor? No, I have not. I haven't watched any of that. I think that's better than some of the other suggestions we've given you. I do too. The ones you guys have said, Expanse, is tickling my

fancy the most. The Expanse is very cool. The Witcher is kind of up your alley though. There's a guy that liked Game of Thrones before it was terrible and still likes Lord of the Rings. The Expanse is sci-fi with just a little bit of fantasy and the witcher is fantasy with just a little bit of sci-fi okay yeah in the in the

witcher so essentially like like cliff notes a witcher is a a mutant that that that has been made using magic to make a human being into a superhuman being for the purposes of fighting monsters. Is this all based on the game? Yeah. And I think the game might be based on some sort of literature, but I don't know. Yeah, I'd assume a book or something, unless they're just making it straight from a game,

which didn't work out for Halo. They didn't make a Halo movie. Yeah, i thought they made a halo movie that sucked no they made a like um like a halo that wasn't a movie they made some live action stuff but there was a point where peter jackson jackson was attached to make a halo movie and for whatever reason it fell apart i don't think it was that it got disillusioned on Peter Jackson's part. I think there were some funding issues and some timing issues and studio nonsense. A lot of the props that were going to be used in the Halo movie that Peter Jackson was making ended up being used in District 9, that Blomkamp movie.

I haven't seen that movie in forever, but I remember liking it. Yeah, they made that on such a shoestring budget. Like, I don't recall what it is, but like, it looks like a hundred million dollar movie. And I think they made it for 10 or 12. Well, good for them. They probably made a lot of money. But yeah, I'd watch The Witcher if I were you.

And, but I love The Expanse because I love sci-fi and it's, it's fucking, it's like like it's like a mix between it's a little it reminds me of firefly a little bit it's sort of like cowboys mixed with like astronauts like doing their thing and there's like three different factions there's the the earthlings and the martians and the belters the people who live out on the asteroid belt and are primarily miners. And they've lived out there so long their physiology is altered. You know, they're all long and lanky and don't have

muscle tone because they live in low graph. It's cool shit. Their bones are not strong. Low bone density. Yeah, that's what I'm going for. Ad or AMA question? Both.

Ad first. Admit it. You think that cybercrime is something that happens to other people. You may think that no one wants your data or that hackers can't grab your passwords or credit card details, but you'd be wrong. Stealing data from unsuspecting people on public Wi-Fi is one of the simplest and cheapest ways for hackers to make money. When you leave your internet connection unencrypted, you might as well be writing your passwords and credit card numbers on a huge billboard for the rest of the world to see. That's why we decided to take action, which is why we're recommending that you get ExpressVPN to protect yourself from cyber criminals. ExpressVPN secures and anonymizes your internet browsing by encrypting your data

and hiding your public IP address. ExpressVPN has easy to use apps that run seamlessly in the background of your computer phone or tablet. Turning it on, well, that's just one click away. Using ExpressVPN, I can safely surf on public Wi-Fi

without being snooped on or having my personal data stolen for less than seven bucks a month. You too can have the same Express VPN protection that we all have. Express VPN is rated the number one VPN service by tech radar, and it comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. Protect your online activity today and find out how you can get three months for free at expressvpn.com slash PKA.

That's expressvpn.com slash PKA, E-X-P-R-E s s vpn for three months for for three months free with a one-year package visit them today link down below learn more check them out check them out yeah cybercrime internet security very important how have you oh taylor's here taylor have you seen the new lewis ck stand-up i still haven't seen it you still haven't watched that you know i need to put that on my list as well everybody says it's great i've heard it yeah i'm sure it is i would have called it good um i didn't like the one before i didn't either his previous one i didn't think that but previous one, I didn't think Was that the But Maybe one? Was it Black and White?

I don't remember. That's the last one I saw, I think. He's like, you know, yeah, we all hate that children are being bombed, but maybe children should be at bomb sites or whatever it is he said. Is that the most recent one? It may be. I'm remembering

the Black and White as well. I'm getting it mixed up. But anyway, I saw the new one. He addressed the controversy twice. Could have gone deeper, but, you know. It was... Could have gone deeper, yeah. The rapist's biggest regret.

If only I had more time. I could have done so much more. Yeah, I thought it was good, not great. I thought he addressed it well, not outstandingly if that's a term. It was an AMA question. I was wondering

your thoughts on it, but you haven't seen it. I know. I need to see that. Ooh, I like this one. Get sent back to the 1800s. This is once again from the AMAs. Get sent back to the 1800s and you can take three items with you. And what would you do for money? So what are your three items and then what do you do for money? I assume all of us will choose to rob.

My first thought was woodworking. I used to do a little of that. I feel like I could get back at it. No, you don't trade that other people are already doing there. woodworking. I used to do a little of that. I feel like I could get back at it. The 1800s? You don't trade that other people are already doing there. Other people are already robbing Taylor. Yeah, but not with like a Gatling gun. Okay. I don't know why you

had to go to the Gatling. There are better guns now. Well, whatever the best gun is, is what I'm bringing them. You want the best gun from now, whatever the best gun is is what i'm bringing them you want the best gun from now not the best gun from then come on all right well we've both answered poorly i'm just trying to think what could you bring if you bring back something too fancy you're going to get burnt at the stake or killed and they're just going to steal it from you. So it can't be over the top too fancy. So what do you

fucking need? I would imagine you need some anti-battery. It can't fire out too much, right? Like, oh, I know, I'll bring a good lighter. Well, fuck, that'll last you a week, and then what's your plan? Like, why is that a stupid thing to bring? And probably lighters exist in the

1800s. They do. Got fire. Right got fire right yeah yeah this is not dinosaur time yeah down pat and also it does just say the 1800s like broadly let's say yeah the year 1800 will say the u.s is a fresh nation you know what would be smart to bring like encyclopedia britannica or something like that would have a lot of useful information in it that would be yeah that's i like this that's good i i really like fuck you could like invent gasoline or something with the knowledge that's in there i don't know if that exists in the 1800s uh but like there's a whole lot of shit that you that you'd have figured out that you could you know that fuck how do you more efficiently mine for coal? Oh, shit.

Check this out. You figure out everything. You could be the greatest. You could be a real Edison and steal the valor of hundreds of inventors who are not even born yet. You're inventing light bulb. You're inventing the correct kind of fuel, antibiotics, all sorts of shit. I'm not smart enough for that, even with a book. I guess they just made mold, right?

So that's my understanding of it. Some of them you could make, right? Even if you can't cure malaria, you can invent penicillin, or maybe. Telling people that germs are a thing. That's pretty impressive. Expose that fraud Helen Keller. When was she?

Oh, I was going to be like, hey, everyone, there's going to be some lion cunt about 70 years from now. Believe don't you do not believe her lies. I think I would, uh, I think I would just pick some inventions from the, uh, you know, the 1800s that clearly the materials were there and the engineering was there, but just the idea hadn't come up yet. And I'd bring some models of them back. Like, um um i'm pretty sure the locomotive like the steam engine was invented in the 1800s like early 1800s like spring like a model steam engine back and you'll be the richest man on the planet right away yeah because gin

schematic i don't know why it went straight to the tattoo gun how do you not remember when the cotton gin was invented from history class? You know so many useless things. Why was it not 1800? No. It was like 1790. I mean, I don't know exactly. There's no way to know. I'm not doing it. I'm looking it up. You like Whitney.

Don't think I can't spot your bait. 1801. Bullshit. It's 1790. I knew it. I failed. It's 1793. I knew it! I failed it. Oh, fuck. I thought you... I bought it.

I'm going to tell you you got me. Oh, damn it. Fuck! All right, so that would have been so funny. I'm like, hey, everybody. Check this out, everyone. Maybe he just lied to get... I guess someone's going to knock your socks off,

and they're like, hey, this is like a shitty version of what that other guy, Eli Whitney, made. It's like, fuck. Well, what else could it be? The better cotton gin. The diesel tractor. Diesel tractor, train stuff. The diesel tractor?

We're going with replacing horses here. we're doing good shit well they had steam engines what's next they didn't yet that's why i'm saying we're inventing steam engines 1804 when we get 1804 not in the question taylor i asked like what year and taylor said 1800 exactly i wasn't here for that you were sitting right there I don't know I would remember literally nope nope nope I mean well I'm pretty sure the internal

combustion engine was probably invented in like 1885 1895 in that period inventions of the I love that Taylor's our new fact checker this is the greatest transition in painkiller already, isn't it?

When was the internal combustion engine invented? I'm saying 1885 to 1895. There's a lot of inventions here. Internal combustion engine. I have to search that up too. When was... What is an internal combustion engine? Because that to me means gas, but I think it means diesel. Is a steam engine an ice? 1872.

No, steam is not. 1872. I guess it's not combustion, is it? Yeah, it's just an expansion type thing. But diesel probably is. There's a lot of good stuff to steal here. Yeah, but what do you need? So it combusts because of... I'm sure you know this. It pressurizes the vaporized diesel fuel until it spontaneously combusts from the pressure. But back then, what would have created the... There's no electric starter or anything to get it going.

So I don't know how that would work. I want to say the first... Like these old tractors. I watch videos of people starting very old tractors. And they wind a flywheel up and like put energy into it. So they're not turning the engine. They're turning like a spring, a flywheel. It's not a flywheel, it's just a weighted wheel that eventually like goes, right?

This is like they're pre-winding a spring to create tension. And then they kick it off and it initiates the engine it takes off and there's a lot of uh a lot of gears there a lot of gear ratio that's interesting kyle so you could bring a schematic for the colt breech loading revolver and invent that in the year 1800 instead of 1836 when that bastard samuel colt invented it so yeah i'm sure that won't ruin the world revolver yeah let's let's give some let's give let's give people fucking the a much more efficient way to kill 35 years earlier damn they invented steam engines before this motherfucker invented toy balloons you could have given the south better weaponry for the civil war that would help the

bad guys win the microphone the mic i'm not touching that it's too soon all right so we're all stuck on the invention thing now because that's clearly the right move i every time i'm asked a question about the past i always have it in my head where it's like haha you'll be the only one with the guns but it's like oh no that's not far back enough some motherfucker with a colt breech-loading revolver is gonna cat my ass while i'm walking up there dressed like a juggernaut from modern warfare 2 every time i hear a question about the ass the past i think aha you're a genius by 1800 standards your knowledge of efficient google searches and uh i don't know gps systems will blow them away like actually most of your knowledge is kind of worthless i mean yeah you can sharpen a blade that's a cool

thing i mean if you go back far enough your ability to read and write are pretty pretty important you know not you know that's gonna set your education is gonna put you really really far ahead of a lot of people if you want to just you know you just forge yourself a i would say as a fake doctor i know more than a real doctor from the 1600s I know more than a real doctor from the 1600s. Maybe, right? Oh, I could definitely riff better than a doctor from the 1600s. Mm-hmm. What do you got?

Oh. Oh. Demonic influence. He's got blood ghosts. Blood ghosts. Demonic influence. Get them out of there. They're spooky.

All right. You're going to take two spoonfuls of hot lead daily, and by the time you die, I will be far out of town How much mercury do you have in the home, ma'am? About 1,800 cc Oh, that's not enough mercury So I see your husband's right leg is terribly swollen so we're going to inject his left leg with 1,800 cc of mercury and then they'll match.

Stop it. You know back in the day, even those doctors were like, can you believe just a few hundred years ago they were wearing those crazy bird masks? It's in the bloody water. I gotta clean up. No, not the pit. Well, you can piss in it if you want. It's fine. We don't know what germs are.

I mean, piss is sterile. Nightingale has ruined us. Piss is not sterile, though. It's sterile. Taylor, can you fact check it and see if piss is actually sterile? It's not. It's not sterile. And here we were talking about bringing blue prints in.

I Googled it. So many people say it's sterile because they saw it on Fight Club. I think it's not. Urine is sterile. First thing prints. I've Googled it. So many people say it's sterile because they saw it on Fight Club. I think it's not. Urine is sterile. First thing that happened when I Googled it. Urine is sterile because it contains no living organisms. But that doesn't mean if it's pissed into a water pot with blood and shit that it remains sterile. I don't know why we have to add blood and shit.

We're talking about urine. Oh, I was talking about the old doctors joking around them. So am I. You can piss right into that thing. You can wash your hands with piss and perform surgery. Nothing bad will happen. What's your eye doctor's name? I'm going to give him a call.

I'd rather not say. Hey, this is what we call a social experiment. Somebody's going to call the night before my appointment and be like, Hey, Doc, it's Kyle. I changed my mind. Just take the eye. And let's not talk about this tomorrow. I'm real nervous. Real scared.

We got you. The ultimate prank. Guys, we pranked Kyle. He's a cyclops now high five this is johnny knoxville and this is steal your friend's eye just sneak into your doctor's office and change the file urine is not sterile use of enhanced urine culture techniques to detect resident bacteria flora in the adult female bladder from the journal of clinical microbiology

urine is not sterile neither is the rest of you from science news you're not sterile from popular science i justine isn't actually sterile from the Smithsonian. Now, Steve-O, you got to eat the eye. Eat the eye. Eat the eye. Blah. Blah. The vomiting on your eye.

Oh, good idea. I do see your result from The Guardian, from Peter Lund, University of Birmingham. So the reason urine isn't sterile according to this is that sometimes people have bacterial infections like like bladder infections and it touches your penis even you and i think the real issue is that less bacteria in urine than tap water and and the real issue drink piss and look the internet is sexist we all know this what they're not telling you there, Woody, they're just calling, they're acting like all urine is created equal.

False. Male urine is virtually sterile. Female urine is hitting all kinds of shit on the way out. LiveScience.com confirmed urine is not sterile. I feel like I've got source after source. Science says no, urine is not standard. From Ripley's, believe it or not. I mean, that has to be true.

Well, if Ripley's says so, then I'm sold. The ClevelandClinic.org, urine isn't sterile. I could go on and on. Please do. I'm not gonna. It's enough. Wikipedia, urine is not sterile, not even in the bladder,

which blows apart the girl stuff. It's just, all of this is, like all of my results are the different are different i think i've got better google than you're using bing you're what he's binging everybody that's that's what's happening here if you use google you don't get pictures of urine so what he's looking at pee porn websites right now that's where he's getting this from google Google is urine sterile. Sorry for yourselves. That's it. No more fact checking for me, you guys. Yes. Do your research on urine. I want a thesis from each and every one of you

by next Thursday. I need nitty gritty details and at least five sources. None of them can be Fight Club. Fight Club is absolutely a source. That's true. Fincher wouldn't lie to us.

See, Chiz is on board with me. He says, if you can get it from the bladder, drink up. The real issue is it touching the tip of your penis on the way out. If you piss hard enough, if you piss hard enough, then it won't even touch that. Your pee hole is just like, ah! And it's just not touching anything on the way out. It's that lady pee that you got to avoid, folks. It's not sterile even in the bladder, but okay.

And another win in the man talent. If they have bacterial infections, there's no... It's sterile. You're right. There's no bacteria in our bodies. Only good bacteria. Okay. I take probiotics to get more good germs.

I take a probiotic. Yeah. Yeah. I just eat dirt. So I haven't figured out how to make money in the 1800s without a lot of sweat equity, and there has to be a better way. You guys have come up with the invention thing. You really want to run your own business?

That's a pain in the ass. Maybe I could be a professor or something and just talk about shit I already know. I mean, you could invest in things, right? Like, like, like you don't even have to be the inventor.

You could just invest in the companies. You could buy the land where oil deposits are. Gold deposits are uranium deposits are. If you've traveled back in time via some sort of time machine, uh, let's just say, then you could go back in time. Work is a goddamn coal miner.

So you got yourself a hundred dollars invested. just throw it in a savings account like like go back in the future pull the money out now you've got future millions where you don't have to like smell like don't have any money i'm not sure i had to think about how to get around that you know how to invest my like here it is they're like dude there's a picture of lincoln on this is i don't know oh well you'd want to take material back like gold that might work yeah yeah um or silver silver would be the way to go because silver was much more valuable back then and now it's like nothing i didn't expect that really Silver was more valuable than gold in the 1800s? No, not more valuable than gold.

But gold is still valuable today. And silver, not so much. I see. We'd be buying low, selling high. And taking advantage of inflation simultaneously. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I think the real idea is to put some money in a trust of some sort,

have it grow, and then come back. Getting rich is incredibly easy. Getting rich in any kind of short human lifetime is hard. If I was a vampire, fuck. Put like $1,000 in the SEP 500, come back in 500 years. You'll be great. You know Ben Franklin did that, right? No, I didn't.

Yes, the city of Philadelphia. I remember that. Ben Franklin, I don't recall the dollar amount, but let's just say he took $1,000 and he put it into a savings account or a trust or something like that and it could only be withdrawn in like the year 2010 and he left it to the city of Philadelphia and something else. He did two deposits. And when withdrawn, it was like $4 million, $5 million or something. That's insane.

That's good. But I don't think the city was like, whoo-hoo, our budget problems are solved with $4 million. It was more like Ben Franklin probably being like, dude, guys, this is pretty cool. The man invented electricity. I wonder how much he put in. Could I do something similar?

Just become famous in the year 3010? Yes. You know Woody did that. Woody put aside $25 in the S&P 500. $25 American dollars? $25. Yeah. And now in 3010, we've got an amount that the city barely gives a fuck about but it seems

it would be a lot for you a thousand years from now any of the countries are still going to be around i don't either mix and matched i mean maybe some of the long-standing ones will still be there china i don't think so you know they've been around forever egypt i don't know egypt probably not they've had their run for a few thousand years. I feel like I'd be looking at the ones with geographic advantages. Like, America has a nice thing in that we're kind of friends with our northern neighbors and usually with our southern ones. And after that, it's hard to attack. Like, you're at a real disadvantage trying to come across the ocean and get us.

Yeah. In a thousand years, that might not be so difficult. That is beam over. Strong point. I don't know about beaming, but it not be so difficult. Let us beam over. Strong point. I don't know about beaming, but it will be a smaller world for sure. Taylor, I didn't hear you. We can beam them right back.

Mutually assured destruction. Just people get really dizzy. Like, fuck. Never mind. We did not answer this question, but maybe we should move move on we nailed that question to the fucking wall we named so many ways to go back in time and make money from inventions to prospecting to investment

to buying land that had natural resources on them that we only know about because of our future knowledge that's a big one that's all gay i'm robbing banks with a gatling gun knowing where gold is gold platinum precious metals in general gemstones things like that oil natural resources are going to be like without the huge amount of either luck

or mining that went into place to like find those uh deposits see gargantuan hundreds is a problem make it 1900s and i do the back to the future betting book thing that's the item i take with me i just bet on sports the luckiest man i'd be if whatever his name was yeah the sports almanac except he'd be like doing whatever like stupid sports from that time where it'd be like i I know who's going to win the world hitting the hoop with a stick championship. And then the silly bike races on your penny farthings.

Oh, I know who's going to win. Take it from me. Sports probably sucked up until like 1920, right? People couldn't do it full time. Baseball, I think, was pretty big around then. You said up until 1920. I think like time. Baseball, I think, was pretty big around then. You said up until 1920. I think 27 Yankees are some extraordinary ones.

Kyle knows baseball better than me. Sneezing hard. Yeah, your face is red from that hard sneezing. Yeah, I just had a crazy coughing fit. What would you do if a large group of rioters found their way to your doorstep? Why would they do that?

You're questioning the question. That's not how you do it. I don't think they'd do it. Like I said, we can't even get trick-or-treaters. But if they were to do it, man. You know, we might just get in the truck and boogie out.

That'd be a thought. But how would you get to the truck? They're out there. I guess if they're literally on the doorstep. For some reason, I place them at the end of my driveway. Imagine like a zombie apocalypse. They're like all over the windows and doors. I guess I'd go gun in that situation. So here's what I was trying to avoid.

There are a lot of rootin tootin tough guys who say you'll take my guns from my cold dead hands without specifics there's someone in my universe not kyle uh where that happened and the police came and took their guns and there was no cold dead handage involved there was some willow they're right here just come get them officer i was locked up at the time yeah uh this person wasn't and uh you know that's that's the way i think it would go with most people and it's the reasonable thing to do if you look at the impact on your life be much better off giving up your guns than uh going to prison and dying and like the other stuff that could have happened it was a smart move okay so i'm trying not to be this guy who you know projects pseudo toughness but if there's

rioters scratching at the windows and such i guess that's the move you know or as soon as one gets in you do that spot i don't know like it i mean you'd have to just like, if people are at your door zombie style, you got to just start firing like a movie and hoping that people run away. Because otherwise they're going to break through like they do in zombie movies. Then they start crawling over one another. And then they're going to get you. I think I just leave. My car's in the garage. You can't leave. They're surrounding you.

And it's a very thick mass of zombies. Wait, are we on zombies now? Are we on? They said rioters in the question. I would prefer if the question were about zombies. Can we do that? Yeah, I just, you know, I just stay in the house. Like, I don't know if they start breaking the windows.

I guess I get in my car and I plow through the crowd. Go down to the Winchester, have a nice pint, wait for the whole thing to blow over. Blow over. Yeah, that's what I would do. Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen, though. It seems like they're more into doing other things. Like eating flesh.

Yeah. You switched us to zombies. I was joking. We can't actually switch to zombies. No, I'm telling you. I didn't know the rules okay so so yeah i feel like i'm trying not to be some tough guy yeah you know what if i was there i'd have beat up those four guys who were bullying that cash register operator cashier you know like and it's like no you wouldn't you faggot. I should have said that. No, you wouldn't, you fake tough guy. You would have sat there silently or maybe sheepishly said,

leave that poor man alone. It's weird how hard that word hits these days. Right? When I was in high school, that would just roll off your tongue like mellow yellow. Oh, mellow yellow, another nice little blast in the past you got two two things from the past but here this is what you do here's the move i make my way upstairs i find a way onto my roof and then while i'm laying down you know all the lights are off in the house i'm like hey i found a way onto this guy's roof.

I'll let you guys in. Come on. And I start helping people up, and then I hope insurance pays for all of it because hopefully they'll believe that I'm now on their side. I think they'll be able to tell you're not. Nuh-uh. So it's the blind rioters. Okay. Shit, another hole poked in my plan.

I don't know. I guess I'm just going to cry and die. Well, if any of you listeners would like to take the opportunity to ask a better fucking question than one of the last two, it's $10 a month. Join the Patreon. There's a link down below. Lots of cool shit you can do. And, you know, the $10, you get a PK There's a link down below. Lots of cool shit you can do. The $10 you get

PKN the moment it comes out. You get a bunch of notifications, early information, and you get to ask us one of these really well thought out questions. When you ask a question, you need to really get detailed with it because you see how our minds work. You can't just say

the 1800s. That's 100 years during the like like the the industrial revolution like a lot of shit happened like you say 18 different 1800 and 1899 is gargantuan give me an exact year an exact year all right i've got a better question i think it's better not for me but you guys do you have any advice on finding a romantic relationship outside of school? I don't have much dating experience throughout high school and college on account of my weight. I just graduated college and focus on improving myself and my health. Down 60 pounds so far. All right?

So this guy is in a new class of attractiveness. Down 60 pounds, that has to make a huge difference. Yeah. class of attractiveness. Down 60 pounds, that has to make a huge difference. Yeah. But, you know,

once you leave school, you don't, you're not just, it's not the meat market of peers, right? School's nice. They put hundreds or even thousands of kids your age next to you all the time.

The options are huge. You leave school and suddenly, you know, the pickings get slimmer. Sounds like he's asking for a girlfriend, not a fuck buddy. He wants what he can get. Romantic relationship outside of school. I interpret that way too.

He wants what he can get. Download all the dating apps. Get plenty of fish. Get Tinder. How are they different? I've been told that Tinder is like fuck buddies. Bumble. Bumble.

Like which ones are for girlfriends? There's a lot of it. Where the woman has to accept your invite first before anything is done. So it almost gets you in the door a little easier. You're going to get less yeses though on that. Tinder is more young people. Bumble. That's the first one i like bumble it's more young people than like a plenty of fish plenty of fish is almost like more kyle's

dad's age although you can't find younger women on and it's very casual and trashy it's very casual and trashy tinder also casual and trashy trashy and it's almost like it's an understanding that it's yeah it's younger and more casual. Sometimes too young. And if you're not looking for online stuff, join a club or meet someone through friends. That's the easiest thing. One of your friends having a party, talk to one of their girlfriends.

They're always trying to set chicks up. Have you ever thought about getting into LARPing? You know what? Yes, you will be the alpha male in a LARPing club. I have a few people in my universe that are in the yard larping like it's a couple i know a lot of people because of paramotoring and uh it's like if you can get past the silliness of it all they seem to have a good time they go to their renaissance fairs and they're all it just seems like a wholesome fun thing to do i've never done it but i saw the what I saw the guy yelling,

lightning bolt, lightning bolt in this fake fight. That seemed lame. But going and pretending it's the 1800s and just having a different kind of music festival, knock yourself out. Yeah, that would be fun. Playing with the phones. I don't want to do that thing we were watching a few weeks ago

where people are getting their head caved in by real weapons in Iceland or whatever. That is not is not larping for the eighth time i was making sure that everybody out there knows that's not what i'm talking about i'm talking about fighting with foam swords and fucking around in the woods that sounds like a blast as long as it's understood that you're going to cheat and not go back to base when you get hit and also understood one's bringing snacks and you don't have to pretend to be a character. You're just the same guy and you're fighting with swords. I don't want to fight at all. I just want to be in presence in the presence of some chick

that devotes all her time to playing an instrument from the 1700s. That's what you do. You become a wizard at one of those things. You find the hottest girl and you're like, Ah! I cast on you a spell of paralysis! And then you pop on over there. Just like one of those Japanese por then you pop on over here. Why couldn't you make me fall in love?

Why did you have to fall in love? I dedicated all of you to your lopping as you're dragging your back. This isn't a van, it's a carriage. So yeah, that's what you do. No, you shouldn't rape people. You ever go... Hey,

we're 16th century authentic here it's not rape all right back in the kitchen yeah that's what you would say except or whatever they said back then back to your pot sitting under that awning wench you ever go to the uh renaissance fair no it looks like fun though dude it's so much fun i went uh king i did i did uh my i didn't think it was gonna be fun at all my girlfriend and all her friends were going it drug me along i'm just sitting in the car like this is bullshit we could be watching a movie we could be playing fucking laser tag or something we could just be at my house smoking weed you know we could all be getting so high right now and they're just like oh we're gonna

be high that's what's gonna make it so fun and so yeah we uh we went to the renaissance fair in atlanta enormous place like it's out in the woods and there's already infrastructure there like like like for the thing and it's like a big fair like a county fair how there's booths but the booths aren't modern they're all old-timey and the things you get are old-timey as well like like big mugs of beer and turkey legs and shit like that and it was a ton of fun there's like lots of the chicks there are dressed with those like i don't know what you call it when they're like tits are just mushed push up just just mushed They're like tits are just mushed. Push up things.

Just mushed. Mushed titties everywhere. And even gross titties look good mushed. You mush them good enough and the worst titty will look great. And we watched a guy do a fire whip. The fire whip guy. If you want to see the actual guy that I watched that day, he's easy to find. You just YouTube search fire whip guy because there's only one.

There's only one. Big hit with the ladies. They loved him. Shaved head, white guy, whipping each hand. They're on fire. And he's going to town with a whop-bop, whop-bop, whop-bop, whop-bop, doing all sorts of tricks, cutting cans in half, all kinds of crazy shit. It's a great time.

Great time. You ever heard of fire poi no it's the hawaiian thing it's like a hawaiian thing it's like they you it's like a long string or two strings with like a cotton ball at the end and you dip it in like lighter fluid or something and then you light it and then you're like spinning balls of fire oh i think i've seen that in person yeah i've seen it in person with uh so this was like like right probably my senior year of college i was at a buddy's house party over the summer and we were all getting wasted and stuff and then he it was his house he was like hey uh my buddy joe wants to come over and we're like Joe from high school and motherfucker. I haven't seen him in four years since high school. What is he up to? And he's like, he's still kind of just being weird,

being odd like he was back then. But, uh, he's a, he's a chef. He's really good at cooking now and he wants to come over and it's like 7 PM. We haven't eaten since like that, like, you know, middle of the afternoon barbecue kind of thing. We're like, Oh, bringing food he's like yeah he's bringing a bunch of food he wants to grill up he wants to grill up this uh grilled pineapple recipe he has then he wants to make some pork shanks or something on their lamb shake i don't remember and we're like hell yeah bring him over he shows up and he is so high on mushrooms he's not making a lot of sense he's losing himself in like conversation not paying much attention and we're like oh dude well we fired up the grill for you because we're all

just drunk wanting to eat and he's like yeah yeah like just in a minute dude i want to show you something real quick goes out to his car 45 minutes passes we all think he just left we're like that guy's weird as shit. This is a very small neighborhood. His car was visible from the backyard. He comes back huffing and puffing. Couldn't find the car, but I got him. We're like, okay, all right. And he's got fire poi in his hand.

He goes, they're not lit yet. And he goes, you guys ever seen poi fire poi we're like are you gonna make the grilled pineapple that ship sailed you know and he's like just in a minute in a minute i'm gonna go down there this this buddy of mine's yard is very big and slopes downward so he kind of goes down the middle of this big yard we're all sitting up we can see him and he just lights these poi and he is his eyes look insane he's so high and he just does like honestly probably a 12 to 15 minute interpretive he's he's swinging he's he's getting really into it going up and down and back and forth

and like the first couple minutes we're like damn that's actually really cool and then it went back to like joe we grilling and that was that may be the nope that was the second to last time i've seen him uh yeah he was doing much better than the most recent time yeah that's right before the accident yeah yeah before the fire accident but yeah god damn that that was a that was an interesting evening interesting evening he did end up making the grilled pie grilled pineapple and the snacks so that wasn't outstanding to meet expectations really good i think you know the waiting an hour for it made it better yeah yeah he knew to have he had a captive audience and he knew at least these motherfuckers are full and drunk. There's no way they're paying attention to me. Fire point.

You guys like to hear my script? I wrote, you know, that pineapple after interpretive fire dance. Uh, that was funny. Yeah. So bro,

it sounds like, uh, join some clubs and meet some girls that way. Yeah. Clubs with girls in it i presume nothing i'd join and uh the the dating apps i feel like that's changed the game since i was in the dating scene like dating apps simple easy answer for them it's made everything easy mode if you're looking for companionship dating apps how easy is it to get laid right like depends who you are i mean i'm hearing it's like

amazon where you just go and sort of choose girls off the list and like girls fuck now girls have to choose you back girls always fucked yeah no they've always fucked but i mean probably more now because there's no social you know stigma to it than in the 50s or 60s. Well, 60s, that kind of started falling apart. But yeah, I don't know. Yeah, but girls were fucking in the 80s. 80s, 90s, sure, but not going up and up. The whole first date thing, I feel like, was much less common than it is now.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Often go on a first date, but then there's sex right after. Yeah, yeah, that's how it was often on Tinder, where it's like, hey, you want to go grab a first date but then there's sex right after yeah yeah that's how it was often on tinder where it's like hey you want to go grab a drink so here's the thing I think like just like

for Woody's sake I guess maybe they don't want to come directly to your house because they don't know if you're insane yet they also don't know if they've been catfished so everybody wants to meet somewhere first for like coffee or some drinks or dinner or something like that.

Then if that goes well, we're going back to my house or her house if she feels safer there and she doesn't mind me knowing where to go to find her in the future. Sometimes they do. But yeah, you almost always kind of fuck on the first,

if you've already arranged the first date, then the first, then the sex has already been discussed most of the time. Anyway, the first date is really, in my opinion, just to make sure that you're not a at a crazy person, be you are the person that you displayed in your pictures. And C, there's nothing weird about you. I don't know. There's nothing bizarre. Like some sort of eccentric.

You covered that with A, but I saw what you did. You needed three. I needed three. I had to expand upon A a little bit. A, they need to make sure you're not weirdo. B, they need to make sure you're kind of cool. And C, definitely no strangies yes so in my experience with it it wasn't always you know fuck on the first date like you could tell

and get a vibe pretty early on whether or not they were scouting you out to just fuck or if like based on the conversation oh this person's looking for an actual relationship you weed those out it's not gonna not gonna happen not going to happen. I had a great situation when I was living in the city where I was because I'd set it up at this bar that was right next to where I lived. Now out of business. Stinks. Literally right where

I lived. Same building. 20 yards down. Sit there, have some sushi, have some drinks. Then you get them drunk and they can't drive home. You're like, I'm 30 steps away to my place you want to sit maybe sober up a bit before you head home fish in a barrel that move's called the cosby now you know how long we live a few yards that way so basically yeah it was a little bit you

know i would feel kind of creepy sometimes where i'd be like hey do you want to come back hang out for a while have another drink at my place so yeah that sounds really nice and it's like where do you live it's like oh and we're here oh you live right here, huh? Yeah, it's just that place has the best Philadelphia rolls in town. That's why. Or sashimi, bitch. I love the Pepsi there.

It's just well-carbonated. It makes it perfectly. Also, why were you giving me all of your drinks? You. Yeah. See, I'm so out. Why were you giving me all of your drinks? You! Yeah. See, I'm so out. The last girl I picked up was in the 90s. Took weeks or months to get laid.

And it's tainted my, like, I can't even fathom this, like, getting laid on the first night thing that seems so common now. I mean, there's been plenty of times where like within an hour like like of of like initial communication there's also that yeah yeah it's it's like like girls are on there sometimes because they want to fuck now right now and they're like well i gotta be a bit in bed in two and a half hours. Let's see. We have sex for half an hour. Do the math. Average 45 minute drive possibly.

All right. I got to find a dick in the next 37 minutes. I remember doing that like math myself. We're like friends. You're in luck. Blue chew takes half an hour to kick in. For 36 hours. So you're always ready. And so i remember like talking to friends or whatever and they're like hey taylor we're going to xyz bar around

like uh 10 30 or something oh that sounds like a lot of fun oh i got a tinder tinder date one of the ones where it's like someone i've probably met up with before and they're just coming back it's like but they're showing up at uh at 7 30 they're like oh come on you can get that you can blow that off then they come over you fool around get it all done and everything and then you start doing like the walking around like getting ready like oh what are you doing uh i got dinner with my my grandparents it's like at 11 it's like yeah yeah and i can't tell you from osaka it's the early bird special time for them i'm they i'm adopted you know my entire family's japanese except for me yeah and so yeah that that was always a little more but even that wasn't

uncomfortable because they knew the drill too it's not like they were coming over thinking that a hookup was a relationship they like get it like if i went over to their place and they had some plans later in the night it wasn't like i was gonna oh you mind if i tag along it's like no it isn't understood one weird thing about me i guess it's weird considering like the situation like i don't like to like hook up with somebody and then just send them on their way i don't think i've only done that when it turned out the person was literally like scary. Like there's been a couple of girls that I was like afraid of,

like for my safety or for them like telling some lie about like hurting themselves and saying it was me. Like they're so insane. I don't know. They might start a fire. They might shit in the floor. They might cut their own throat and like- Destroy the toilet

he had to block her by the way number she's just a wrecking ball of a woman but but um but yeah i don't like the idea of like all right well we're done here like i like hanging out like like i'm so stupid but like i do like the part where we just hang out and do like normal stuff like watch tv or like go to dinner like that time that we got prostitutes in houston i fucked the prostitute paid for it then took her to one of the most expensive dinners I've ever been on. Why?

I don't know why! How was she dressed? Like a hooker. But like a classy hooker? Like a dress. She's wearing a dress that was like a sequined dress that you'd wear at a fancy bar in a hotel.

It was kind of steakhouse friendly. that what you told me she was dressed very like she was dressed fine like i took her to fleming's if anyone wants to look up fleming's in houston it was uh it was a wonderful experience if any of you were ever in houston go to fucking fleming's so good didn't know how she was like you know like a prostitute she had high heels with goldfish in them really short skirt you've never seen a prostitute before have you in the 70s but yeah she was just like uh like the kind of hooker who's who hangs out in the at the bar of a fancy hotel and and preys upon the clientele who are also paying to be at a fancy hotel i just questioned the praise i services the clientele right like she's she's offering a service and taking money and it's a honest business just sex

work unless i'm predatory oh well predatory there's a lot of blood that's true it's that story yeah but predators don't donate their own blood but okay oh god what a fucking nightmare so anyway just use dating apps yeah dating apps or prostitutes man that's easy i mean go to church try it on hard mode church try it on try to get laid in church we're playing this game i play all my games on veteran kyle go to the abortion clinic play it on easy mode i mean while you're here you know what you're technically right now you're not even fertile no need for a rubber yeah i mean uh one more stamp and you get a free one you can have my card i was talking about the hard mode thing reminded me of a 60 days in thing i was watching where

as the blonde woman was coming into like the holding jail cell where they're all sitting on the blue couches and it's women and men in there because it's everyone is just getting arrested and this guy this like tall lanky white guy that the blonde woman is sitting there with the body language of like so stressed out so worried and he comes in like chitting and chatting with everyone this is just a thursday for him he's back in he's back in jail scars all over his face from the amount of meth he's done picking at it skinny lanky white guy he comes and sits down right next to the white attractive woman from the the show and she's looking like straight ahead and he's like so you come here often he's literally asked someone in a jail holding cell do you come here often and she just

that sounds set up to me. I don't know. My reality TV senses are going off. I don't know, but this guy wasn't on the show. He was just a meth head. Right, but he was on the show. I mean, we all watched him. We'll have a fight later

against Rocker, the black guy. Not a very good fight, though. I saw one where they were in the holding cell before you get put into the jail. And one of the contestants robbed one of the actual human beings who was in there. That's hilarious. How much did he get? I think it was $20.

The issue was this guy was in there, and he was really drunk, this white guy, and he's holding up a wad of money, and he's, like, showing it off. He's like, I got $537. Somebody, and he's, like, trying to get, like, the jailer's attention, like, for some reason, shit telling them he has this money, and the guy's like let me hold it let me hold it i just want to hold it i just want to count it for you he's like no no

and finally he's just like give me 20 dollars that money and the guy's just like yeah he gives it to him so immediately after he robs strong arm robs this man which can get you shot i'm told he he gets really he gets pulled out of the cell to like get put in to like booking or whatever like put into the actual jail jail pod well there's a machine right there that allows you to take any cash you have on you and deposit it directly into your prisoner account so he takes that man's 20 and puts it on his fucking account what a cool guy what season is that i want to watch that one next that's our guy who did that i got that's our guy yeah the guy on the show he's a badass he was he was he's a prison ex-prison guard or something like that big strong black guy

just alphas everybody just he gets two or three shanks while he's in there he's always getting drugs like whenever they like do the thing where they release them and then they go to meet with the sheriff he sits down at the table with the sheriff and he's like i got this knife and i got this marijuana and i got a whole bunch of these pills he's like he's had them on him smuggled them out of jail carried them down the highway and brought them right into the sheriff's office and he's like he's like yeah i got i got a knife i got marijuana i got pills like he was constantly because they trusted him he acted like a fucking prisoner he's the one i got told you guys the story about where he punked another prisoner so bad the prisoner asked to leave the unit he told the guy that um the guy owed him like two noodles

like like ramen noodles and couldn't pay. So he was like, alright, give me your clothes. Give me your pants, give me your shoes, give me your shirt. Took everything the man had. He's standing there in his underwear and t-shirt, just terrified. And he goes to the guard, he's like, I gotta roll out of this unit. I can't be in this unit.

And our guy is distributing the clothes he's stolen from the man to his homies he's like hey who wants a big shirt here who wants a big shirt who wants an extra pair of green fucking pants here you go who wants some orange flip-flops here you go like just gives his shit away one of my prison survival strategies is not to get into debt just don't just don't like you hopefully you have a job in there and you make some kind of money and you live within your means just stay out of debt my god you get butt fucked perhaps literally perhaps figuratively just stay at it

like all these people like it they what they get ramen noodles and can't pay it back and now the guy's ruined you didn't see that coming people like bet money they don't have and and now they have to pay it by friday under threat of like severe violence just fucking don't go in debt asshole they give you all you need to survive for free that extra stuff is about comfort just fucking stay out of debt one guy owed so much that he couldn't eat anymore he owed them his lunch trays so like lunch came lunch came he'd get his lunch tray he turned around and there was a guy waiting on him come on take the lunch tray from him and like he he's he wasn't a contestant he was just a fucking he was just a guy he was just a poor prisoner and one of the contestants tells him he's like dude how much do

you owe because clearly this man can't figure out math or he wouldn't be in a situation he's like how much do you owe when he tells him he's like all right well look just only eat breakfast for the next six days and you'll be out of debt but if you string this out where you give him one tray a day, he's going to kill you because they're adding interest on it. It doesn't work out. This is going to last months. It's easy. He's like, I don't eat.

And he didn't either. It was so weird. This one guy ran his own store, one of the plans, one of the contestants. didn't either it was so weird this one guy like ran his own store one of the plants one of the contestants he ran a store where he like had tons of commissary and he would loan commissary out and and get it back with interest and all he ate while he was in there was like peanut butter like he would just eat a little peanut butter all the time and then you know that stuff's super calorie dense so like a jar of peanut butter would last him like three days or something like that and so he just needed a couple of jars a month and all of it he sold every tray he got all of his lunch trays he sold or traded for like

commissary items and then he'd have more commissary items and then he could bet that guy left with dozens of dollars he gave all all of his stuff away. Well, that's enough to pay for the Uber back home. Right? What's the end game in here? Prison money is so small. It was raising his profile and getting him in with a lot of people. It was making him a lot of relationships.

He was able to learn about a lot of the drug traffic and stuff but he got so far in that they asked him to rat out rat out one of his friends they were like what's he into and he's like i don't think i want to talk about that and they're like you realize that's your job you're you're in there to determine what kind of illegal activities are happening he's like he's like i'm not a rat all right and they're like yes you are that's what the mission is your monterey jack they're like you are the king rat we're asking you to go in there and figure out who the shot caller is everybody fucking knows who the shot caller is the prison guards all know who the shot caller is every prisoner knows who the shot caller is. Every prisoner knows who the shot caller is. Shot caller isn't keeping his identity a secret. We don't need to have a 60 days in undercover TV show to figure out who the

shot caller is. Yeah. And it's like, you just know that the people producing the show and the police officers around there are sitting there watching the monitors. Like, Hey, do you think this blonde bitch is going to figure out all the stuff we know

already? Oh no, no way. She's going to figure out all the stuff we know already oh no no way she's gonna figure out who the head honcho is look at them they're all sitting together to bitching about how bad the hot dogs taste like they're not bringing home any new information unless you're this motherfucker kyle's talking about who apparently genuinely was pilfering items or not even pilfering just having them given to him because he was trusted so i want to get to the one where the guy just, the guy does two seasons apparently because he just, I want to hear that one too.

Just having a blast. He's like, you know what? After this, I don't even miss my wife. I don't miss my children. I don't miss my wife. I'm going to be the head of the white gang.

So we have good God, a page and a half lumped into one paragraph of, am I the asshole? Yes. I can read it if you want. Yeah. All right. I was going to, you can do it. You'll do it. Well, uh, am I the asshole? Let. I can read it if you want. Yeah. All right.

You can do it. You'll do it well. Am I the asshole? Let me make sure I'm close enough to the mic. They knew your mic. Yeah. Am I the asshole for calling the cops on my roommate's girlfriend after she shit on my bedroom floor? Wait, read that again. Am I the asshole for calling the cops on my roommate's girlfriend after she shit on my bedroom floor?

So I realize you've got a lot of reading, but let me just go ahead and jump in and say no. I'm also coming down on no, but we'll see. So all the names have been changed to protect the anonymous people. Last summer, Jason, male 21, my girlfriend, Stella, female 21, Katie, female 21, and myself, male 22,

moved into this house together. We each paid a quarter rent and utilities. Oh, I can tell spelling is going to be an issue. Things were great. We never argued. We hung out together and there was never shit on the floor. Jason's girlfriend,

Christie, female 24 was a veterinary school, was in veterinary school on the Island of St. Kitts. She couldn't get into any vet schools in the States. Occasionally, Christie would come visit Jason and us for a few days when she was on the break from school the school did trimesters instead of semesters things were fine for the most part except when she was at my house i would find

little turds on my bedroom floor so naturally i cleaned it up and asked the gang about it oh i'm so sorry pascal must have done it pascal was christy's chihuahua that she never went anywhere without pascal the dog kept shitting all over the house and whoever found it would clean it up and tell christy fast forward to september christy falls fails out of vet school and comes back to the states she tells us about how she was so depressed there but she's going to reapply in the spring so now that she's back she's staying with jason every night her parents live about an hour away after a while she's living in there living in the house rent free full time i talked with stella about it a good bit we both decided to just be good friends and let it be christy unemployed and she sleeps in jason's room she sleeps she lived in the house for eight more months that's bullshit the entire

time she's living with us she never paid a utility bill never paid rent and her dog kept shitting in my room the dog never shit anywhere else in the house except my room i'm not exaggerating i'm not exaggerating i'm not exaggerating when i say i've found dog shit in my room over 100 times since she moved in eight months uh 240 ish 245 days 100 turns that's not that's awful uh i confronted her multiple times i tried everything i tried being nice stern angry the whole. And every time she had an excuse. Her favorite one was to blame it on Stella's cat. This brings us to last month.

Stella, Jason, and I have secured jobs in our respective fields in town. So the three of us decide to stay in our current house for another year and replace Katie, who is moving back home after graduation with our friend John, male 24. John graduated a couple years before us and works in our city. Katie moved out when the classes went online due to Corona virus. John agreed. Oh my God, this is long. I didn't realize how much, uh, John agrees to pay Katie's rent for may and move into her room early. Our lease ends May 31st, two weeks ago,

Stella and I are watching TV in the living room while Jason, Christie and John are playing a board game in the kitchen. Stella and I head upstairs for bed and there it is a big steaming hot pile of dog shit on my rug and a wet spot of piss in the carpet. I'm furious because this is the fourth day in a row that her fucking dog has shit in my room. I storm downstairs and lose it. I absolutely unload on Christy. I tell her she's a bad dog owner and that the dog needs to either stay in a kennel in Jason's room or at her parents' house. While I'm berating her, she stands up, starts yelling and comes towards me.

She starts wailing on me, pushing and hitting me. I'm a six foot one, 200 pound man, and she's maybe five, four, 140 pounds. I am not scared of this bitch. It took everything it had in me, but I waited for this woman to stop hitting me. And I told her, you're going to hit me in my own house. Get out right now. I walk away to my room and try to calm down. I talk it over with Stella and I decide to call the police. I don't want them to police. I didn't want them to intervene. I just wanted it on the record that the cunt who didn't live here came at me, and I didn't hit her back. I was worried she might do something rash, and I'd get blamed. Smart move.

Two cops show up, and I explain what happened. They ask to talk to Jason and Christy. I go in and tell Jason the cops want to talk to him. Jason and Christy come outside. Christy is hunched behind Jason, acting small and making sad puppy eyes at the cops. As soon as the female cop sees them, she says, oh, so now she's acting sick. Ha, hell nah. You got 10 minutes to get your shit and get out. Cool cop. Christy and Jason go back inside. Both cops laugh and tell Stella and I that they've seen that act before and that if she comes back to give them a call. The cops wait until Christy and Jason drive away and then leave.

I've talked to some friends about it and no one is quite sure if I'm the asshole. Some of them think calling the cops was too far, but I'm not going to let some cunt hit me in my own house. And besides, if you let your dog shit in my house 100 plus times, then it's just as bad as you shitting in there yourself. Stella and I decided to move out to our own place after the incident. I do feel bad for John because he's only just been moved in for a week when all this went down. Am I the asshole? No, of course he's not the asshole. And calling the police is the absolute perfect thing to do in that scenario

because there's a weird imbalance with the way it's treated when a man hits a woman versus how it's treated when a woman hits a man. And if she lies and says that you know you did something then oftentimes the the woman's word is just taken 100 you should always believe a woman right so it's like an actual policy in some places like the it absolutely is the more vulnerable party whatever like it's just a law like they take the woman regardless Anytime someone assaults you, no matter what the situation is, you call the police and you get it on record. You did the exact You could have done this more perfectly. I wouldn't have put up with shit in my room

for that long a period of time. Frankly, I'm a little curious why you didn't close your door. Yeah, maybe he doesn't have a door. That was my thing too. But a hundred times? That happens three times and that dog is out of there. And yeah, it sounds like she's an unstable, low IQ individual. She's flunked out of like some Islanders veterinarian school. Like she sounds like a... So I'm so glad you're all here to learn about the animals. We only have the two, the parrot and just the parrot

well there's two parrots though yeah yeah so yeah you're not an asshole at all you're 100 correct nailed it and anybody who thinks differently is a real white knight piece of shit all right any man who thinks you did the wrong thing is a piece of shit like fake white night no pussy getting half man all right and any woman who who thinks different you don't want to associate with i don't know why you want to know a woman you're not fucking anyway for the most part but i don't know why you want to know a woman you're not fucking yeah so like so like yeah anybody who honestly like like that's the sort of opinion that if somebody in my life has i just cut them out of my fucking life they're really just life support systems for cunts right kyle oh jesus

i don't know why you said you don't know why you want to know a woman you Kyle going, oh, jeez, I just, I don't know why you said that. I'm paraphrasing you, but carry on. It's just the language. Just the language. I've been watching a lot of Australian streamers. Got a real foul mouth over there. Real potty mouth. This is the guy who used to say shucks.

Now we're just faggot this and cunt that. Well, shucks. She was being kind of a cunt. Do you want to keep going? Yeah, just in closing, you handled that perfectly. You're my hero. You did exactly what I would have done, only you may have waited around too long.

I'm curious about the Dora situation, but it's very disrespectful to allow your dog to be pooping in somebody else. I can't imagine doing that. I'm putting myself in her shoes. I'm living with my girlfriend because I have flunked out of weird fucking Islander veterinarian school. It's already hard to fit in those shoes, but now I've brought my goddamn animal into their house and I'm not paying any bills and my animal has shit. I'm just imagining like the first time my animal shits in someone else's house.

I'm so embarrassed and I'm so sorry that I'm never going to let that happen again. Like the dog will either be in my hands or in a fucking kennel. I can't imagine how disrespectful and ignorant and a piece of shit this girl actually is. A friend of mine brought their dog over within the last six months or so and their dog peed in my living room. Just pee. Didn't shit. So not the end of the world.

Carpet or hardwood. Yeah, carpet. Fuck. It was more annoying, but I have a steam cleaner, and I also have a bunch of this enzyme spray stuff that seems to get rid of the... Yeah. I mean, after the regular steam cleaning,

my human nose can't pick it up, but I know dogs' noses can, so I don't want my dog sniffing around when I have a dog pissed. Yeah, it's in there for a long... have to get like a professionally clean to get it 100 even there well they haven't pissed that my dogs don't piss so they must not be able to smell it but the person whose dog it was was so like red-faced over the top embarrassed like with an appropriate response of like she never does this i am so humiliated i'm never bringing this dog

back again i'm it was like and i i felt bad almost like no it's okay my dog's peed in here too it's gonna be all right it's fine i understand you're embarrassed i'd be humiliated too if my dog's pissed all over your house so yeah and then she killed the dog right in front of you which no i killed the dog i said yeah we're gonna make sure it never happens again and and sure you might think a microwave kills the dog quickly but after five minutes we just had to add a couple more it was it took the fastest way to kill a dog with a microwave is to just cave its head in with it yeah just smash it with the actual microwave right here's my take on it um it's like by letting the dog poop in his

room over a hundred times he practically established that as a norm that's okay. I know it's not. I know he might disagree with me saying this but she must have thought that it wasn't that big a deal. That it wasn't like we're

getting the police involved. That it wasn't like she must have maybe he was cool too cool about it too many times for her not to address it more seriously before the final incident go ahead he said he had been stern with her he had been angry with her and did and of course the police were only involved after she assaulted him i he did say that it would be weird to me if there was like not a steady escalation not like how this happens a hundred times i have to imagine dozens of those times maybe half of the times he quietly cleaned it up and said i guess this is my life now you? Yeah. And it would have been better not to ever let that pattern become a normal,

you know, to, to, to stand up for yourself a little. He said he did, but you know, like come at it sooner. The fact that it's weird with eight months is too long. It's weird dealing with like, if you're a responsible adult and you've mostly surrounded yourself with other responsible adults when you run into one of those outliers who like is a wild man and and you you know you you use the normal human being like conversational techniques you're like hey princess shit in my room you you immediately expect them to have the same reaction Taylor just described.

Oh, God, no. I'm so sorry. Where's the spick and span and the cleaning equipment? Do you have any gloves? I'm going to scrub the floor. This will never happen again. Princess, come here. Quacks. You expect somebody to like...

So when she didn't, when she was just like yeah she did have a big breakfast it's just like what did did she just reply that the dog had a big breakfast the math jumps it works out so that happened about every other day right three weeks into this there's a look we're not living together anymore we might be kicking you out i might get out of this lease i don't know but you're not on the lease and this is not my new life like maybe not even three weeks maybe two maybe one it's like dude i'm telling you the third time that dog shits in my fucking room it's meltdown so this went over a hundred times and i think that he was too nice yeah during the escalation.

I don't really have a temper about most things at all, but that's so disrespectful. You can't get your head wrapped around their side of that. If somebody backs into my car, i'm literally not mad at all i'm just not i'm just like oh man i've been there all right well let's uh let's swap insurance and we should probably get a police report on record if you got anything in your car you want to get rid of before the cops get here i'll look the other way i've been there hey you know that's my reaction you know it's but but this blatant

disrespect in this bizarre way and something about the fact that it's a woman also makes me mad it always does because she was hiding all that authority behind her boyfriend who actually lived there and so she thought she was untouchable all right the real question should be is he the asshole her boyfriend she's a cunt. And I'm starting to think that her boyfriend is an asshole. Because I'll tell you this. If Taylor and I lived together and my girlfriend's dog, who wasn't on the lease, was routinely shitting in his room, I would be so embarrassed. I would be like...

I would confront her immediately. And then if she was disrespectful or something, I would go to Kyle and be like, Hey, you need to, you know, get both of these bitches on a leash. Yeah. From my point of view,

I'd be the same way. I'd be like, your dog shit in his room. I was like, that can't happen. That's not fucking cool. You, I don't even go in there.

I get furious. If my own dogs poop in my house oh no matter where i mean they haven't done that in months but if they do it's like you little bastards i don't like pets i don't like pets for that reason lately that's why it was so nice growing up we had we had the outside dogs and if they shit then it was in the yard to Where'd they sleep? Dad built that's so funny you asked. Dad built them this big house. So two classes of three classes of dogs at dad's place.

There's the big house and the house dogs get to come into the big house. Humans live in the big house. You want us to live in the big house? I did not say that. I did not say that. Very few dogs get to come into the big house I did not say that I did not say that very few dogs get to come into the big house those are dogs who are very well house trained

very low energy and they will just they know that they're being given a great privilege and they sit on a chair or a cushion and they don't fucking move they don't roam around exploring they're like maybe if I don't move it won't he won't it won't bother him and and i won't ever have to leave they chill

then there's the the dogs that live at the house but outdoors now those dogs especially in the winter can get a little chilly so he built them this this dog house out of wood that's in the uh the carport well also in the carport carport is the exit from the dryer, like where the dryer exhaust goes, all that hot air. So he pumps that into the doghouse. So they've got a heater in the wintertime. Sometimes. That's nice.

Well, sometimes. Occasional heat. I think he'll actually just run the dryer for them. So they know what they're missing. Right. No, you know, first of all, it stays hot in there. It'd be like three degrees outside, and it'll be like 85 degrees in their little kennel, and they're all in there happy as fuck,

because it's pumping all that hot air in there. And then there's like the farm dogs. Bigger, right? Like you didn't have like little dogs or did he? Big mixture. The smallest of them was probably like 25 pounds though. Okay, that's like both my dogs. He definitely had some small dogs.

I think he had a one-handed dog, like a wiener dog or something when I saw him. Am I right on that? He had a miniature pincher and And that is a small dog. That's his personal dog. That's number one. Alpha. This is Alpha's size of a coffee cup.

Yeah, that's number one. That dog, Gracie, I think is that dog's name. She goes with him everywhere when they go to order breakfast at Hardee's or whatever in the morning like she orders too like what does she get usually a sausage biscuit and that dog is living the dream right yeah imagine enderman with that like that's alpha fuck sausage biscuit so i guess he knows what's up that's like a heartwarming thing for dogs like

when dogs get so close to the end of their life that it's like there's really no point in extending this artificially with shots and supplements and special foods and people just start letting their dog like hey you want a whole pork chop tonight buddy let's do it up let's and then because you just like the dogs are so it's such a pure unbridled happiness i've never been as happy in my life as a dog is with a barely seasoned overcooked pork chop you know like because they if they've seen you eat obviously you take all the good ones and you give them a shitty one like it's it's so nice it's so i don't love your dogs you don't give them the good one i give them a good one i do i'm talking about some other guy

now that i've been confronted on yeah i i oh i told you guys my girlfriend at one point she started feeding the dogs cat food and this was like six eight like like seven months ago she was like yeah the dogs weren't eating the dry food we ran out of wet food and then i i accidentally bought cat food and so i put cat food out for them like the pellets and they just loved it and i was like babe that's because cat food is like a hundred percent fat and protein like they're carnivores it's very different mixture than dog food like it's not good for him she's like it's fine fast forward like seven ten days of them eating cat food and they start having like

uncontrollable liquid shits around the house and it this this is so long ago now but like and they would look at me with eyes of like even I didn't know it was coming because it would just slip right out of there and I was like you know what this is it's because they're on fucking cat food and there's no fiber in it it's just meat and he's like dog food

and it's fixed immediately so those poor little guys just having to shit constantly it's like I weigh 11 pounds I gotta go now yeah yeah if your dad's dog smallest dog was 25 pounds like my dogs are like 11 and 15 pounds yeah like his little miniature pincher is like tiny i don't know what it weighs i would say seven pounds eight pounds like it's a tiny little fucker yeah i'm trying to picture a miniature can i do this ama question is it we get a break yeah go ahead this one's true it's a social situation but here

it is question for the guys about promotions in the workplace what is the best approach to being newly promoted but being iced out by the group of friends I originally had. I used to be included in outside of work hangouts and host most of them, but as well, but now I'm being told I'm the enemy and that I've sold out. I've tried to reinforce with my actions towards them that I'm not a discipline-oriented leader and I still regard them as my friends, but that hasn't helped. I realized that due to the hierarchy of things will always be a bit different, but I miss having even the small water cooler chats that were commonplace. Is there any way to be more approachable or show that I'm still me without irking my responsibilities to the company? So this guy has been promoted from what I interpret to be some sort of working guy ranks to the officer class.

Yeah, like a manager or something. So first of all, you are trying, you're still early enough, you can escape this, but you're trying way too hard to be too friendly with them because they're starting off right now being frustrated with you. If they figure out they can take advantage of you as your manager or higher up, they will do it.

And so if they think, hey, if we include Steve in, if we let him host stuff, I bet I'll have to turn in that report. I bet he'll give me a little leeway because he wants us to be his friends sadly based on the way they've responded already you know they're not good friends and they probably weren't to start you know you don't you don't fuck with somebody like that after they get a promotion they should be happy for you and if they're you're their friend they should trust that you'll do a good job so if anything they've made their decision now just be the boss pull back don't keep trying to ingratiate them

though because they will sense weakness and take advantage i had this situation when i worked at qad so call me in my mid-20s early 20s and uh my boss kind of told me like hey things are going to change you know like you we're giving you the good projects we're giving you the good work and you're you know assigning it's like a technical lead so I would determine whose work everybody else did. And, you know, lunchtime's going to be different now. And, you know, you might not go out with them so much. And that's the nature of moving into, like, the management class. Things change, you know.

And maybe make some manager friends, et cetera. Congratulations on your promotion, but that is, play the game, man. Like, look,

you're in a new role. Act like you're in a new role. I'm sorry that your old friends have iced you, but. Yeah, you said it well. This is the game you're playing. Like,

this is your job. This isn't a social club so find friends outside of work you you don't want to get like this isn't a movie this isn't workaholics the tv show you don't want to sit around and have like all your best friends there at your place of work it's going to tank your performance like it's just not it's not a tv show you don't want that find out of work friends and then you'll be able to focus better and do your job i bet if you put a think on it put a study on it and say are these people going to be friends of mine five years from now you know they're not so you know like don't get it wrong now something that could have a repercussion five years from now for people that you won't be talking to in 2025 better yet fire all you're all fired unless i can come to the barbecue yeah it it kind of stinks at that

like i think i talk about the military i never serve so i feel like i'm gonna get this wrong but it's my understanding that like the officers and the enlisted don't really hang out that's part of the culture and that's understood even officers wives can't really be in friends don't really hang out. That's part of the culture and that's understood. Even officers' wives can't really be friends with enlisted wives. That's how that goes. There's a more casual version of that that exists in

the corporate world too. I like that question. I should have read that one. From Woody and Taylor, let's talk guns. What are your favorite guns to own? Interestingly, I think he has the most expertise. I know he doesn't have any guns right now, but he's still an expert. Yeah, I like this.

I'd have to open up my safe and get it, but it's a blowback Browning 12-gauge shotgun that when you shoot it, my grandpa gave it to me. It's very old, or not very old, probably from the sixties. And when it fires, the barrel itself blows back. And that's when that pops out the shell. And then the barrel sets back forward. That's semi-automatic. So it's, you know, it makes that loud, like satisfying. It's a cool, it's just a novel gun. And so I really liked that one i am because my grand has some sentimental value i have a lever action 22 when i first got into guns

i thought that smaller calibers were stupid when i when i first got into guns uh people talk about getting 22s online so i'd be like that's lame like they don't even do anything i'm sure they would i don't want to be shot with any gun. But that was the thought process that I had as I bought my first guns. And then I got this lever action 22. Kyle shot it before. Two things. One, it's one of the aims I shoot better. It's one of the guns that I aim better with.

Like I tend to hit what I want more often. And two, I really like lever actions. Lever action is faster than I thought it was. And I don't lose the target as much as i thought i would me personally working a bolt action target acquisition starts almost from scratch but not so much with the lever action and uh yeah so if i had to pick one right now i'd pick the henry 22 lever action makes me feel like a cowboy and it's like bronze and shiny uh that's cool i don't know i didn't realize that was so fancy there's the the visual of the one that my grandpa gave me it's a probably

a different year or something but it's a 12 gauge that looks like that and that barrel blows back kyle would know more about blowback shotguns and that mechanism than i would but yeah i really like those i can see why you like that that thing's pretty cool the barrel moves doesn't it yeah yeah the barrel moving is really neat i like that you guys mean was it new when your grandfather gave it to you no no he's had it since or 1951 so yeah i guess he's had it from way back then for me that makes it better like i like that i have a couple tools that were my wife's grandfather's. And, yeah, I said that, right? And I don't know.

I just like to think that he'd be happy that I'm there fixing something with his Crescent wrench from 50, 60 years ago. Yeah. Mossberg makes a tactical lever action rifle that's pretty cool. You can put AR-15 stocks on it, and it's got Picatinny rails and stuff. It's all black rifle that's pretty cool um you can put ar-15 stocks on it and it's got picatinny rails and stuff it's all black it's pretty neat um and you can get a lot of lever actions in 30 30 is kind of a classic uh caliber it's a 30 caliber bullet um 30 30 is a pretty fat round it's got lower velocity i would guess around 2200 feet per second uh and it's um heavy are there any calibers that are gonna like go away almost like there are calibers now where you're like oh that's

like a cowboy thing it's hard to find is 30 like is there anything popular now that's kind of fading off um no i don't think so because they're always making so the thing is the caliber of the projectile is often not like a wildcat thing the wildcat thing will be the brass and you can make your own brass um you know there are guys

who create their own calibers like I've met a couple of those guys who's just like yeah I've got a new caliber it's a 23 caliber B and it's like oh cool that's a lot of those guys who are just like, yeah, invent a new caliber. It's a.23 caliber B. It's like, oh, cool. That's a lot of effort you put into something that's... You know, they make a.22 and a.233, but you fit right in the middle.

Yeah, yeah. So, no, I don't think there's any going away. They're often adding new ones, you know. What am I thinking? What is a.556, the other one? .223. That's what I was... I called it.223. But again, you know, am i thinking what is a 556 the other one 223 22 that's what i was i called it yeah 0.223 but again you know it's all about the um the caliber of the projectile and you can buy those in packs and they're interchangeable oftentimes um you know the

the 30 caliber projectile from one thing will go right into any other brass because they're all 30 caliber yeah i just wondered like i don't want to buy a gun that's getting it's on its way out in terms of favorability you know like you should be able to find ammo for it the main thing is the cost of the ammo if you're not going to hand load 308, 556, 12 gauge, 22 long rifle, 45 ACP, 9mm Parabellum. Stuff like that ain't going nowhere. For one thing, they're often used in military and police weapons, so there's going to be massive stores of that stuff just being made. And the infrastructure to make it is always going to be there. There's just lots of it.

It's plentiful and therefore it's affordable. Whereas if you're shooting like the ammunition that an MP7 shoots, that's, there's not as much of that out there. 4.6, what is it? Yeah, it's like 4.6 by something. I don't know what the, uh, the second number in that little equation is anymore. Um, or even if you're shooting 5.7 by 28 millimeter, that's just expensive. That's just expensive. Like the ammo that P90s and 5.7 shoot as well as, um, you know, I couldn't say offhand, um, but I would guess $3, $5, something like that.

No, that's crazy town. See, the thing is about when I say expensive, I mean expensive to shoot, right? So like if you're shooting a 5.7 pistol, that thing holds 20 bullets. So like if they're a dollar a shot, a magazine is $20 fucking dollars. You can spray $20 away in just a moment. Or if you're shooting a a p90 with a 50 round magazine like holy shit is do you want me to hand it back after 10 or what man like like this is outrageous and if you've got a fully automatic one the rate of fire is crazy it's just

all right well there went 75 fucking dollars like like i don't feel like i got seconds or so yeah i didn't get 75 worth out of that but if you're shooting like a 338 lapua sniper rifle that's bolt action and the rounds are three four five dollars a shot you can that spread out over a long period of time you know you shoot a hundred dollars worth yeah i mean it is a hundred dollars worth but that's a lot of shooting with a bolt action that's a good point a gun that shoots $5 bills can be cheaper than a gun that shoots $1 bills because of the nature of it. You shoot once every couple of minutes. You line it up.

You admire how well you did and learn from it. Yeah, you might be shooting for like three-shot groups, and that's kind of your whole goal. You do three of those, and it's like all right well that was fun shooting today but you know like the kind of shooting i always liked is where you pop the tailgate down on a pickup truck and you lay out five or eight different guns and somebody's loading magazines and everybody's shooting and kind of mix and match a bunch of different shit. But yeah, 9mm.45 ACP. .556.308

That stuff's not going anywhere. It's too long. I used to like a gun that made a really loud boom, right? Everyone should know I just shot. Do that a thousand times and you'll appreciate a gun that goes click. Like a quiet gun, I'm trying to say. Not one that goes click you know what you should like a quiet

gun i'm trying to say not one that didn't work you should get yourself a suppressor yeah to be honest your experience with the suppressor thing and how they like had accident now i don't have any drugs in the house but like i'm like ah maybe i don't want that maybe i don't want to be on the federal registry. Yeah. You know, there's other ways to handle that. You could deal with a lawyer who handles firearm trusts and talk about that. And I think you'd be in the safe. You wouldn't be as vulnerable as I was. And, and, you know, it was my, my, my issue was sort of an after the fact kind of thing, because we beat the state of Georgia and they were like, well, what are we going to do? It was like, well, it was registered was registered for this and that so technically

the feds had the right to go. It was a whole complicated thing but I'm going to have to buy a thing. Well I did buy a thing today. Broke my phone so I don't have a phone. That stinks. Is that what you bought? Yeah. I ordered a... That explains why you didn't respond to my latest nude shit maybe i'll be able to recover it from the new phone i said discord thinking ahead i gotta google similar to the other one but with more asshole this time i wasn't flaccid because i'm learning my lesson. Yeah, I'm learning. It looked like you took

two pieces of Velcro and pulled them apart. I didn't know that was your ass. I didn't know that was your ass. Is Neil deGrasse Tyson about to start commenting on this? I got the Google Pixel 3a, I think. Oh, is that one of the flagship phones, like one of the Premieres?

I think it was $300. I don't think it was to Premiere, but it had good stats, and it came in white, white, which I wanted. And, you know, just the basic overview of what it did looked good to me. I don't know. I think it was like, I don't remember. I don't remember what the processor in the RAM was, but it seems like it was four or six gigs of RAM and a fast processor,

maybe an eight-core processor. I don't remember anymore, but it looked good to me. So I just, yeah, that one. I always put a fair amount of thought into what color phone I should get, and then I put it in a case and never see it again. Got a clear case. I have a clear case now, but I usually don't.

I don't remember the last time I had a white phone. I don't think I've ever had one. They've all been black and Kitty was like, white or black? I was like, white this time. White this time. Why does it matter? You always have a case on it. Clear case. You're not paying attention. Sorry. Strike two. You're not paying attention. Sorry. Strike two.

You guys reveal that later. You're like, on the show we wanted to keep it comfortable, but that was actually Taylor's strike three. And the way we handle posts on the show is three strikes of not paying attention and you're out. And frankly, Woody and I didn't expect him to last seven years.

Strike one was 2015 but kyle doesn't forget he does not forgive he's not forget he's like anonymous you were talking about shooting guns out of your pickup truck though and that reminded me when i lived in idaho a guy i worked with was really really into guns and he was like hey dude let's let's go out shooting sometime i know this really awesome place and like he's from there he knew every area he's like it's really not that far but it's secluded as shit and it feels like you're in the middle of nowhere even when you hop back on the highway and you're at a hardy's in two seconds it's like oh cool let's do that and so he and i and a couple of his other friends i didn't't know getting his, his truck one day after we get off work. And he, he supplied all his guns. He had a nice collection. It was like all doing that gun thing,

which is very wholesome and nice as we're driving. He's like, and you're going to love this one. Cause X, Y, Z. And I have this accessory on it and this and that. And he's one of those just so excited to do it. And I was like, this sounds awesome, dude. So we get out there, start loading everything up. He's explaining all the guns I'm not familiar with. And we start just popping these little targets, these little foam targets that we brought with us.

And then we take a shotgun out and we have like a self thrower. So I'm heaving up clays and shooting them, having fun. And then after maybe 30, 35 minutes, this like little, you know, those tracker tracker cars those like old four trackers they're like little crappy ones but it was chevy maybe or something yeah it looks like a tracker but not quite that shitty and it had like a little like light on top of it and it was driving out there and i was like what the hell is this and he kind of just sat there and watched this for a bit and the guy was like it's no big deal like i'm sure lots of people come out here to just shoot guns and in my head then i'm

like we're the only people i've seen matter of fact i don't see anyone else out here after a couple more minutes the guy drives over and gets out he's got like a security security slash almost like army looking is what my first thing was and i I was like, what the hell is this? And he walks up and he addresses my, my, my friend who like does that. Like, you know, he's the, the guy who's brought us there. So he like goes to meet him out a few feet and the guy's coming up and the guy's like, Hey, what are you doing? We're like, he's like, we're, we're shooting guns. And he goes, yeah, yeah. You're doing it at an air force testing field. What are you doing here?

And I was like, Oh no. Like, like am i gonna get in trouble for this i thought we were going to a fun little minefield you know air force testing field apparently is what it was and the guy was very cool that my friend he brought me there is like i'm so sorry man i've honestly i've been out here like a dozen times before i thought it was fine and he's like yeah i guess a lot of people do we don't see him that much there's cans everywhere but you got to get out of here you can't be shooting guns on an air force base basically and even if it's the middle of nowhere because air force bases are apparently ginormous huge and so yeah then we just hopped in and left i just felt lucky that we didn't get like a ticket or something or whatever it would be because yeah out in new mexico that was something i discovered

that i'd never seen in georgia because georgia's rural for for the most part but it's not desolate it's all owned someone owns everything in the east coast yeah and there's a bureau of land management land out in the west and i i read something or watched a documentary once where they explained why that is and i don't even remember anymore but there are gigantic tracts of land out west that are just public lands and i've filmed a lot of videos out there where we would just pull off of an regular road, like a two-lane highway or whatever, onto a dirt road. Then we'd drive that dirt road out for five, six miles. Then we'd turn off of that onto what amounted to a path, not a dirt road anymore.

Then we'd follow that for like 10 miles just out into like it looked like something from a clint eastwood movie you know just just more waste that you needed kyle we were gonna shoot a minigun at a mountain so seemed like we needed to get one of the miles okay we want as many miles we get and uh you know he's blowing shit up and and shooting a lot of big stuff and there's nobody out there you know there's a the tagline um for the movie um aliens was or for alien is like no one can hear you scream in outer space and it was like no one can hear you fucking scream out here dude like like no one with there was no like i've been to places where you're like like out in texas at the uh the

ox ranch like you'll get up on a hill and you'll look and look and you're like yeah yeah yeah i think maybe that's a house way the yeah way over there like like i don't know how far you can see off the top of a really tall hill when it's flatland forever, but seemingly many miles. Yeah, way over there. That's a house. Or that's a tower, like a radio tower. Out in New Mexico, you'll be in places where it's like you'll get up on top of a really tall hill and spin around 360 degrees and be like, there's nothing. There's nothing.

There's no trace of human life. There's nobody out here with us. It's crazy. It's kind of cool. Like I definitely saw that in Idaho and I would go shooting in areas that were legal where it was like, oh my God, there's, I could just build a cabin out here and no one would find me ever. It stinks that North Carolina and the whole east coast really doesn't

have that i don't know if your land management owns anything here i feel like even the parks are easements onto people's properties and such you know that north carolina outside raleigh has these nice like greenway trails where you can ride bikes and skate and whatever people walk their dogs that's it seems to be like somebody's land, or they just bought it, and all they have is a little path. And it's people's yards. You can see them as you're kind of walking past them.

And nothing's unowned. In Georgia, around Elberton, Georgia, which is the granite capital of the world, it's also where that monument uh was built by no one knows who that tells you uh like how to rebuild society in like a dozen languages and has like a has a compass and a calendar built into it the concrete our big granite monument um but there was like public hunting land there which i i didn't usually go on to but it was a huge tract of just public hunting land really just a forest that anybody could go in and shoot deer out of

but it's nothing like what they've got out west and with the the shooting they're super comfortable with guns in new mexico like you'd be driving down one of those desolate highways and on the side of the road there'd be a makeshift gun range. Just a little part where you could tell cars would pull off just off the road, like just right off on the shoulder. And then there'd be a bunch of pop-up targets and like beer bottles and bullet casings. Just crazy. Well. Yeah, I'll do that ad. Just crazy. Well. Yeah, I'll do that ad.

If you're buying sneakers online, well, there's a good chance that the shoe you're looking at is fake. How can you be sure that it's real? Well, GOAT.com is the safest place to buy and sell authentic sneakers online. They're the largest marketplace in the world for authentic Yeezys, Jordans, and over 600,000 other

sneaker listings. They've made the whole process frictionless and trustworthy. They do this by only accepting sellers with the best reputation and by verifying all sneakers to ensure their authenticity for buyers. Every detail is inspected from the stitching and the color to the size and weight. GOAT certifies that every pair of sneakers on their site match exact factory specifications. With over half a million sneakers on their platform, 10 million users, you won't find better prices for verified 100% authentic sneakers anywhere else. Find the perfect 100% authentic sneaker at GOAT.com slash PKA. That's GOAT.com slash PKA.

But you got to go right now before the sneakers that you want are gone. When you go to goat.com slash PKA spelled goat, G-O-A-T.com slash PKA. Check them out. Make sure you're getting real bonafide sneakers. But you didn't make goat sounds this time. Meh. There we are. I'm going to get more sheep from that get a little hard yeah i get a little harder a goat a goat's a rougher sheep rough around the

edge like a street but street sheep yeah street sheep you know a goat's just a sheep that's wise to the ways of the world so uh do you guys see jake actually i don't know my paul brothers so forgive me if i mix him up either jake or lauren paul went to the the protests he was looting no i don't believe it he says he's not the photos are not of him looting and he's a multi-millionaire i think he was touristing he was visiting the scene of the protest or looting or whatever is happening there uh is this the guy who who did the suicide force thing a year or two look woody around here we back the blue they say jake paul was looting and he has been arrested for his looting ways he really he has been arrested but not for looting it's like civil trespassing and unlawful gathering or something charges are pending but isn't that his thing like he did the suicide

japan forest right uh you might be right i can't't tell my Paul brothers apart, so I don't want to get it wrong. I'm already out of my depth. So there we go. Logan did the suicide thing. And it's Jake that was at the place? Correct-a-mundo. Okay. Which one fought? Logan did, right? Logan.

Yeah, but Jake trained. Jake probably kicked my ass too. I've already forgotten big boys they're they're big strong guys and they like to train fighting if you watch this i don't wanna you're you'd be bullying did you see logan spark don't don't you believe a word of that woody will take you anytime anywhere don't you you you should have heard what he was saying before i will leave it there a couple a couple of words that uh were actually repeated on this show uh he said that what he said that logan what he said that logan or as he calls him bitch boy number one yeah was wearing a wig

all right he said he noticed the man's hairline was was almost gone and then all of a sudden bitch boy number one was wearing a wig. All right. He's, he said he noticed the man's hairline was, was almost gone. And then all of a sudden he recouped. He's calling wig. And he said, Paul Costa knocked you the fuck out.

And he's next. I don't think, I think they were hamming it up and that Paul Costa didn't really knock it. What he says, if you think Paolo Costa hits hard, wait until the Raleigh Hammer gets home. The North Carolina Titan gets you in his grasp. There has to be a C.

The North Carolina Cruiserweight++? I don't know. But no, none of that's a joke, Paul Brothers. I hope this finds you they set up a real fight me and kyle are in luchador things with chairs hidden in the wings ready to set it all up i found it i always thought to myself if there were riots near me would i go would i I go just to see? I'm not fucking going.

Screw that. I didn't know my answer. I always thought, all right, look, I'm not going to loot. I'm not going to hurt anyone or anything. But as a tourist, this seems like an opportunity of a lifetime to see some real anarchy. I want to go and observe anarchy. I want to be an anarchy tourist. And then it happened, and I didn't go and observe anarchy. I want to be an anarchy tourist. And then it happened, and I didn't go anywhere.

I think I played Tarkov, because fuck that shit. No. You'll see a clip, and you're like, no, that's scary. Yeah. No, thank you. I don't know what Raleigh's doing right now, but Raleigh and Asheville, which is a city calling it an hour and a

half from here good nice like riot stuff going on you know breaking windows and shit the ashville police are in trouble because like they're the ones that um there was like a medical station with some low-grade medical supplies like bandages and water and stuff like that and the cops came with their knives and ripped open every water bottle and poured it on the ground and like smashed the table and shit like that yeah yeah and like there's peaceful people and then some level beyond that guy standing at tables handing out water bottles and the the police uh they're just oh Were you planning to drink Dasani? Not today. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you would think that the higher-ups would be like,

all right, guys, I don't know if you've been following the news, but it's a little rough lately on the PR front. So we're out there. Let's be respectful to John Q Public because they're recording us and people are watching. All right? They're looking for any sort of misstep. respectful to john q public because they're recording us and people are watching all right they're looking for any sort of misstep meanwhile i wish i could pull it up like immediately as i as i transition i watched a man get clubbed in new york city last night by like six cops

it was like rodney king style clubbed yeah some of the clips you're seeing online right now i saw i don't know if you've seen the one you're talking about i've seen i saw a bunch of cops just what seemed to me for no fucking reason uh macing like a group of people that were just kind of walking by doing that that like drive by macing you'll see sometimes from cops where it's like we were walking one direction other people walked in there and it's just that kind of i saw a cop pull a man's mask down so he could mason yeah i saw that you're spreading corona come on scum had my my favorite story so there are people protesting peacefully right men and women uh you know edeline talking and and just you know like doing the whole peaceful not riot thing and there's a kid there and the kids young don't call me.

I'm going to call him five or seven or something like that. And the cop is pepper spraying him. And he does one of these deals like, shh. Oh, do you remember? I don't remember what like sit in. This was a while ago.

It was some protests, probably like 2014 in this was a while ago there's some protests probably like 2014 2015 at a college yeah in california berkeley maybe it may have been berkeley but it was a bunch of people sitting like indian style like everybody's arms locked everybody's sitting in a line and then like some fat cop just like lumbers over just starts walking the whole length of it waddling as he's spraying all of them and it's like dude do you not realize how fucking horrible this looks nobody is watching that and being like yeah yeah you show those kids hippies oh yeah so yeah that's ridiculous yeah i like i always remember the top you hate the looting enough that you understand some like harsh counter tactics right you know the tear gas the i'm out of my depth when i talk about

beanbags and rubber bullets and stuff but like like you you get it right um but when they're like peaceful protesters with women and children and shit like that and they're breaking out the pepper spray and the tear gas. It's like, ah, maybe you're over the top on this. I hear you. You don't bring your kids to a ride. Yeah, I get that. I would never bring my kids.

I would never ever bring my kids. This is sexist, but I almost don't want girls there. You know, like, they're just less able to deal with like a stampede situation you know there's there's right there's wrong and there's a little something called common sense practical right and and just exercising my own common sense if if a girl if my girlfriend was like yeah i'm gonna go to the the. And I'm like, you know, one man's protest is another man's riot.

You know, just like one man's freedom fighter is another man's terrorist. They all get treated the same way, though. Like, they're shooting people with rubber bullets, they're tear gassing, they're pepper spraying. I've been tear gassed and pepper sprayed, and I've avoided rubber bullets like the goddamn plague, but I've shot them before and i'm telling you you could die you could go blind you could be scarred for life

you see half a dozen people who get like their eye fucked up like fucked out of their fucking skull like i saw a lady's back today she was like in panties but she sort of pulled them down so you could see the full effect and it looked like she'd been shot maybe eight times total, you know, head to toe in the back. And they were big, bigger than paintball bruises, like, like apple sized bruises. I know you've seen Jackass. Do you remember when Preston, the fat one in Jackass, pulls his pants down and bends over and lets that guy shoot like the, it's not a rubber bullet. It's like this, this thing that's like that that big like a canister yeah and it's not like a gas canister it's just got a big rubbery tip and then looks like a shotgun shell on much but

girthier than a shotgun shell you just load it in this thing and fire it and it showed his ass the next day his he first of all he's a very fat man and even that fat man's entire upper back thigh and his ass cheek black yeah that's 37 millimeter he's getting shot with that's a grenade launcher yeah well i knew it looked scary and he like he got hit with it so hard he didn't even like scream he did that like oh that's kind of funny though like when the shower goes all cold when when i hear grenade launcher i don't know quite how to interpret that right because like that's kind of funny though like when the shower goes all cold when when i hear grenade launcher i don't know quite how to interpret that right because like that's a much lower velocity but it's a much heavier projectile i would assume it almost seems like maybe i'd rather be hit with

a grenade launcher sandbag than a shotgun sandbag maybe you tell me no this i don't know though i haven't seen it i don't want to get shot with that 12 gauge fucking beanbag man i that that shit is so rough like i hope they're not shooting people with those i don't know what they're using i've seen the designated grenade launchers that they've got um but like less than lethal launchers and those look essentially to me like not an under barrel grenade launcher but like a designated less lethal grenade launcher from modern warfare too the thumper ish like kind of like a thumper type situation i don't know if they're shooting 37 millimeter or 40 because they're law enforcement i would guess that they use 40 um but but i really don't know

too much about like the higher end less lethal stuff i just know about the stuff i was always able to get which was 37 millimeter or 12 gauge that shit hits so fucking hard i mean it blasts through drywall it it dents your car door so bad you you just want a new one it it blows right through a goddamn mannequin might hit break a bone if it hits one close to the surface if it hits your if it were to like hit like like like your arm right here that's a good example right or maybe a rib it snapped that motherfucker oh it'd break your ribs all the hell and back it could it could stop your fucking heart it could crack your goddamn skull it it could kill you if it hit you in the eye. It'd just keep going. It'd hit brain. It'd hit brain.

Someone was saying that the other day. I didn't think about it. Maybe it was in the hangout. I hear hit in the eye and I think loss of vision. But actually, I don't think there's much behind your eye to protect your brain. Not a ton. Not enough to stop that thing at close range. Now the thing is, they're supposed to be shooting a lot of this stuff at the ground in front of the protesters so it ricochets up and hits them in the lower extremities and they're not because cops can't fucking shoot for one thing and they're being jerks for another that you know i see a lot of them that look like they're having the time of

their lives i'm troubled by that too yeah i'm sure there are plenty of cops who wish this wasn't going down but there are some that are like oh my god this is my dream come they let me put on the suit yeah let me out let me at them i'm sorry i was saying no i totally agree with you there's some definitely some larping cops out there who are treating it like they're in an active afghanistan war zone just going ham but this this is something i was thinking about when i was like reading all the stories and seeing the clips have you guys seen the long range acoustic device thing they use or they say they're going to start using for uh protests or riots or whatever yeah that's cool they should use that

but apparently it makes a noise that is so it like fires in a direction a noise that is so overwhelming that it like it scrambles your ability to like process stuff and you just have to get out of it yeah it messes with your inner ear um it's um there's a there's a a term for the type of sound it's not ultrasonic it's like interest it's it's low it's it ultrasonic. It's like intrus. It's low. It's a low pitch. It's like super low. Okay. I'm playing the video. It sounds high.

But I'm sure I'm not getting the proper effect on YouTube over my headset. Oh yeah. This isn't it. This is lame. Oh this isn't it. This is just a fucking loud noise. Oh no, I thought it was going to be that

cannon thing that like sends... I think I've seen something comparable to what Kyle's talking about on Mythbusters, where they like searched for the brown note. I think I saw it on Future Weapons or something like that. The other thing is they've got this microwave beam that heats your skin up really hot.

So I really like the idea of water cannons because I think they work super well, and they don't hurt people like bullets and sandbags and stuff like that. The problem is they used water cannons in the 60s, and they're associated with the bad people fighting against civil rights you know back when people were peacefully demonstrating for civil rights the authorities used water cannons to stop them so now that's their history in america it's almost a bummer because of the tools we're using now i think i'd pick water cannons over most of them.

Bad optics, bad optics, horrible optics, man. I'll tell you what you better. I can just see a, one of those fucking white muscled up dudes. Who's 30 pounds overweight with his head shaved,

sitting up there with his aviators and a fucking fight water cannon. Now just laughing it up. You you're a hundred percent 100 right the optics are wrong and that's probably why it's a bad move and we're not doing it but man i feel like what we're doing now i i hear you nor the optics it's less damaging than the shit we're doing now taylor you froze for a second the hose thing so i was thinking on pkn where i was like you know it seems like hoses like i know the bad optics and everything from was like you know it seems like hoses like i know the bad optics and everything from civil rights but like it seems like it would hurt people less than

rubber bullets and i i don't it would work it would make me go home even after you stop doing i'd be all wet i'd be like this sucks that it would suck to be all wet but i watched a riot or something in eastern europe where they used one of those things. And it was like the speed that water shot out. I don't know if it was the same kind we used, but it, it like they shot him right in the face with it. It like flipped his entire body twice. He was daring them.

He was daring them to shoot him. And they did. And the video ends too soon, but that motherfucker looked dead. Like, I think the last is controllable. I think they can do it lighter and harder. I'm sorry, Kyle.

It looked like the fire hose they'd use to put out a fucking skyscraper, but instead they blasted a man that was eight feet away. Yeah, and it looked like he died. What if they just took a fire hose and they put it on the mist setting and just got everybody good and wet?

That's kind of funny. And then they blasted them all with kitty litter or something that would just stick to them and make them real gross. I'd go, we're going to get everyone wet and then we're bringing in the big fan to make them chilly. Alright, how do we handle

protesters in Raleigh? it's the old sugar cookie this blasted with soap and sand you guys know i would go home so fast like like like i don't like being sugar cookie me this is terrible like like i've never understood people with bad hygiene because like i've never gone long enough without a bath to like smell like i can work out real hard and i won't beat my deodorant but i i don't understand so if if they were to shoot me with water and then like something like grimy like like kitty litter or sand or powdered sugar and make me all sticky and gross. I. Yeah.

If you want to miss people and really upset them, fill that tank with liquid ass. Now, if you don't know what liquid ass is, it is a prank spray that smells genuinely so bad. You will not. It will blow your mind. How liquid ass.com slash pka imagine trying to convince the police like what no like you're four blocks away from the riots i

wasn't even there and clearly you have been you are under arrest i'm not putting him in my car you're free to go and then it would be like all of detroit smells even worse uh updated buildings it smells like liquid ass backfiring over police's decision to use liquid ass there's two problems like like one is they're attacking non-violent protesters sometimes with you know i've seen a bunch of different videos of people hitting people with shields who are cowering you know they're clearly not violent they never were they just didn't get in the out of the wrong area fast enough and the police are beating the fuck out of them with

shields captain america style sometimes it's horrible and that's a problem the other problem is there are people who are bad and need to be dealt with but they're overdoing that with the rubber bullets and shit and and sometimes they they hit the wrong targets and stuff these ideas are better you know if we stop looting by sugar cookies and water cannons and uh stuff like that it what about that glue cannon from future weapons you ever see that don't worry about it you've never let me see if i can find a clip we can watch future weapons on the show though i'll try to find like a like a like a bootleg version. A glue cannon sounds fun. They need some sort of Batman netting projectile. It can put over a crowd.

Those exist. Yeah, I don't know if they're as big as the ones in my mind, though. I need to catch a good 150 people at once. I was working with this company that made 37 million projectiles. This will get one person. but it's really funny. I was, I was thinking about making a video of it, but nobody would let me shoot them with it. Um, but it, it shoots a net out of an underbarrel grenade launcher, you know, you know, under

your AR 15, you've got the option to net a man. And I was like, Oh, we're going to take this out of Texas and net a pig and then kill it. It'll be awesome i need something that drops one of those nets that keep trapeze artists safe you know oh that's absurd okay spider-man yeah i can't now we're on the same page at least all right yeah yeah that's what that's what i'm going for i can't find the glue cannon but imagine a giant high pressure cannon on top of like a truck that shoots that, that foam sealant that you like fix your attic with. Yes.

And it'll shoot such a volume that the person will be up to their chest in moments. And it hardens very quickly. Is that safe to shoot into a crowd? I saw them do it on future weapons. Was it a crowd though? It was a guy or two. Well, I mean,

that might be why we haven't seen it on the streets. Yeah. It's funny though. It's hilarious. Yeah. I think more of the, it will be better if the things they did to counteract this stuff were funny and lighthearted,

rather than over the top and potentially maiming and deadly. All right, fellow officers, they're about to march into the Whoopi Cushion District. Black lives matter. Protesters in Buffalo are drowned out from the sound of flat blends there's place twenty thousand dollars taxpayers are asking if this is prudent you know i pay my taxes every year and i look on the tv and it's just fart noises we're going live with joe of joe's joke shop who's thrilled with the measure sitting on the throne of gold. Yeah, you know, it's just the future of protection.

I knew it. My wife said when I ordered a quarter million of those things last year, I was a moron. Look at me now. Look at me now. Protests abruptly cease at Fifth Street when protesters are encountered with a sea of fake dog vomit. Yeah, because the issue is, I can just imagine the police conversation like, all right, get out there with your batons and your cannons and your rubber bullets. They've got a lot of protesters out there today.

Oh, really? What are they protesting? Police violence. Can you believe it? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe take a softer hand when the reason they're protesting is because you're too violent. I was reading an article on FiveThirtyEight today.

It was about how police felt about police violence. And they don't believe it's an issue. They think that it's not real. That there are... The reason that... I don't want to say it incorrectly, but the reason that black people are more likely to be victims of police violence

is that they're more likely to have police interactions. And they just feel like it's not a problem. Where was this? On 538. They do the polls. That's their thing. They always poll people. Guess what, though?

They didn't get the Stanley Cup prediction correct. The Blues won. They had no idea. It was corrupt. Exactly. That corrupt, those bastards at 538 had all their coins in the Tampa Bay Lightning

corner. And then who ruined their potential? No, no, no. 538 knew all along that the fix was in, that the Blues were going to cheat their way to victory, and they put their money there while getting the suckers to bet on Tampa Bay and Boston. If you were in my Twitch chat, you'd be banned.

money there while getting the suckers to bet on tampa bay and boston you'd be banned oh oh shit um oh yeah uh nhl and nba are back like it's confirmed they are coming back doing some sort of weird round robiny way more people get into the playoffs they do i think both nhl and nba are doing like a five-game round to qualify for the real seven-game series stuff. And so I'm really stoked sports are coming back. It has been way too long. No crowds, I think, right? They're just playing to empty audiences.

If anything, that's novel. You'll be able to hear people yelling for passes, calling for stuff. You'll get a different aspect of the game. I'm interested in it. It's my prediction that hockey doesn't suffer from a lack of crowd because i feel like the crowd excitement isn't part of a hockey broadcast but in the basketball it is and that it'll it'll all be players talking and the squeaking of shoes and the bouncing of the ball and it won't be the same

thing oh my god i think these police just killed an old white man oh i was just about to say that yeah as we were talking about the police brutality i looked over on twitter and someone posted i just retweeted it it was just a bunch of police in buffalo walking you know a huge wave of them and just some old old ass guy like walks up towards them and the first two like appear to like talk to the guy here's the video yeah we can watch this i don't know if we can i'm gonna pre-watch it the guy bleeds so i'm not sure if that's allowed i think they just killed that old white man i don't know if he's dead but you know the worst part is he's got a helmet in his left hand look kids wear your helmets unironically i didn't realize he had that helmet that would have really helped

because basically it helps so much chopped one of the cops the guy in the there were two cops on each side that like they're looking towards them and then a third cop jumps in the middle and just shoves him and the guy stumbles back as old men are wants to do cracks his fucking head open the sidewalk and now he's bleeding yeah so he's on a wide open sidewalk i interpret this area to be like in front of city hall but i can't be sure i don't know buffalo and um i can't tell what he's doing what is in his hand a phone that he's like he's touching the policeman's arm with it it is it looks like a phone. And the cops push him backwards. Does he trip over his own feet?

He's just old and has bad balance. Yeah, but even if he did trip over the corner of one of those circles, that's not his fault. So one cop, one hand pushes him, and another cop, two-hand baton pushes him, but I can't tell if the baton guy even touched him i guess i'll show it uh and then it looks like the national has to come in and start performing uh first aid on him after the cops shove him over or at least it looks like you can see some like army guys

coming in and bending over him so i don't know why he's touching that cop's arm with that device but the cops kind of in my opinion maybe casually pushed him away like when you said they killed that man i i don't think they meant to hurt him as bad as they did now obviously if you get a guy that fragile you don't treat him the same way you would like me, for example. Why are they, why shove anybody? He was, especially, you don't stand there, right?

That's where all the police are. What the fuck is he doing? Touching the cops. But why is shoving a maneuver that they do? Period. Like, like how was that part of like, okay,

is he under arrest? Have to shove. If he's under arrest, we don't need to shove him to put it put him in arrest we say excuse me sir put your hands behind your back put that down on the ground you're under arrest if we want him to leave we say hey get the fuck out of here yeah if he doesn't leave then he's under arrest but at no point are we striking him to the ground i think you're right kyle, they didn't handle it right. They could have said, buddy, you're standing in the shoving zone.

Leave first. You know, like, all right, turn around, zip tie his hands, give them to the guy behind you or something. But they led with the shove, which no one expected him to fall over from a one-handed shove. I hope this guy's family.

I hope there's a huge civil suit. Those people need to be fired. The police department, the city needs to lose millions of dollars. That's the only way any change is going to happen. I think I'm the too blue one, right? Like blues and police. I love the police. I've had no bad experiences with law enforcement ever.

I back the blue. I've had no bad experiences with law enforcement ever. I back the blue. Police are always right. They're making me say these things. Like if, if I'm one hand push someone and unbeknownst to me, they stumble backwards and fall and hit their head on the concrete and have a serious injury. There's a piece of me that's like,

Oh my gosh, I look, I get that the push was the wrong move, their head on the concrete and have a serious injury there's a piece of me that's like oh my gosh i look i get that the push was the wrong move but i wasn't going for murder like well that's good woody because it's manslaughter i i don't worry 10 years in north carolina for manslaughter not so bad yeah they're cops they have an obligation to be way more aware of their surroundings and that you don't you don't just walk up and shove a feeble old man like that i've i've had i think it's especially unpopular now but i i've always preached like there are people that you treat more roughly than others right the the one i always go to is the 12 year old skateboarder who's skating where he's not supposed to be you don't lead off with violence on that kid you know like dude he doesn't need that you can scare him with your

words uh you know if that's not working you can throw him in the car and talk to his mom you know like trust me that'll have a life he'll be telling that story until the day he's died like that that's enough and then there are other guys where if you don't alpha them right away, then you put yourself at risk. So you've got to secure their arms and stuff. This guy, oh my gosh, he didn't need to go straight to getting alphaed. He's like 160 pounds, like tall and really lean and like white-haired old guy, like 65 years old. That's absurd.

I don't know what we're missing. It's not a race thing. Like if there was a feeble black guy who couldn't keep his balance off a simple, he doesn't need that. And something about old black men is like super respect worthy. I don't know why that gets in my head, but it's like Morgan Freeman. Yeah.

Right. Like, I don't know. Like you respect an old black man more than an old white man somehow i think i might i have i have at least three jokes for this not gonna tell even one of them appreciate that probably probably both our best interests but it is i can't guess any of them but uh but yeah anyway goodness this guy didn't need to go straight to a push. And the reason is sometimes you push this guy and it doesn't go like you thought it would.

It gets worse. Yeah. That's really shitty. All right. I saw where you were going. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. going. I saw where you were going. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump.

Sometimes if someone writes something in the chat that I don't want to share, just write the word bump a bunch of times. If I accidentally share something, you don't see it. So if you ever see a bunch of bumps, someone just dropped an N-bomb. He didn't do that.

I didn't. In that situation, it was something. I didn't. I didn't. In that situation, it was something. Taylor, I don't know why when you talk and either Kyle or I are talking, it silences you, which is why I'll show I've been asking you to say it again. I think it's a Discord thing. It's not something you can fix. No worries. So what'd you say?

Oh, no. Probably needed timing. Nothing this time. Okay, okay. oh no probably needed timing nothing this time okay okay um yeah i was i was talking about you guys before the show that uh i'd never talked about and i've got plenty of stories from this job but i'd never talked about this rental car company that i worked for like right right out of college and because it turns out that when you graduate, it was like, so this was like seven years ago, 2013, when a lot of this happened, 2013, 14, mostly. And I worked at a rental car company and it doesn't really matter

what company it is. It's the kind where you have to dress up like you're going to a, you know, a bar mitzvah. And really, you just look like a retard renting cars in a suit, which sucks. And so, and it's the kind where'm weird to pick someone up. And so I started working at this company. And one of the first thing they do is they're like, I'm right out of college. So I'm ready to be like, all right, I'm not going to make much money. I'm barely going to make any money.

This is going to suck. I'm going to be working so much for this job and I'm barely going to be bringing home anything, but whatever, you got to start somewhere. And so I started working for this company. They sent me down to their main city where they train all the new people. And they give you a roommate in these situations. And they pair you up with a random guy. I was 22 at the time, I think, just turned 22. This guy was like 26, 27, Mormon, already had three kids. And there's an old adage when I lived in Idaho and I learned a lot of Mormon adages. And one of them about Mormons is never go fishing with one Mormon because they'll drink all your beer. Always bring a

second Mormon so that they won't drink in front of each other. And so I'm like trying to get ready for my first job and training and stuff. And I'm like, man, I had no perspective. I'm just worried about not getting something right. And so we get in there that night. I'm like ready to buckle down and study the little book and everything. I'm in the room and he comes in and he's like, hey, you're Taylor, right? And I'm like, yeah, you must be Andy. He's like, yeah, yeah, real nice to meet you, man.

Real nice to meet you. So where are you from? We have this little talk and he's like, yeah yeah so what do you want to do tonight it's like so we're on a work thing it was my first ever work trip and i was like i i assume you do work all the time on these i'm trying to learn so i don't look like a fool tomorrow and he's like nah i'm sure we'll be fine listen you want to like go to a bar or something i was like not not particularly it's already like 9 p.m and he's like how about we do there's a liquor store across the street let's go to the liquor store and we'll get

a couple things i was like all right i'll have a few beers tonight and so i go over to the liquor store with him i grab a six pack and i'm just waiting at the front for like five six minutes which is a long time to wait standing there with a guy you don't know and eventually i'm like where the fuck is this motherfucker and i start walking around and he is like picking up every bottle of liquor like fascinated with it like oh my god like the forbidden fruit for this guy he loads up a mini cart with we're there for four nights and he has enough booze for us to go on a three-week bender he has no idea how much is he loads it up and he's coming to the front all fucking smiles this guy he's like you got all your stuff i'm like got like one six

pack of bud light he's like all right so you check everything out go back to the room i start like drinking a beer while i'm doing everything i turn around after maybe 15 20 minutes he's drank half a bottle of vodka by himself already blackout drunk and this guy stayed blackout drunk for the next four days he was showing up to like the work things drunk he was out of fucking control it would we would finish something up he turns out mormons get degenerate as shit once they get a little liquor in them. Maybe that's a rule. There was one night he was begging me. He's like, come on, man.

It's our last night here. Come on. Let's go to the hot tub at the hotel. And I'm like, okay. Let's go to the hot tub. He brings the free glass thing you use to rinse your mouth out next to the sink and a bottle of Jack Daniels that mouth out next to the sink and a bottle of jack daniels that he sets next to the hot tub and we're sitting there with like two other normal people and i

like have i don't even think i brought a beer because it wasn't allowed and he gets wasted here and he spends the entire last night and the second to last night vomiting and keeping me awake until like four in the morning and it was over and over and at the end of it he's like talking to me like we experienced a hangover two style adventure it's like man crazy times right and it's like i haven't been drunk the whole time we've been here i've had like three beers at a time and he's like nah dude we got we did crazy stuff. Anyway, dude, see you later, bro. Re-heard from him because he worked in a different state, different area. He had to go to rehab for alcoholism, which apparently started on that little trip.

So I got to watch the beginning of a flower blossom of addiction. And I actually encouraged it because I thought he'd be able to handle it. So yeah, that guy did it. Another thing about rental car places, do not buy the insurance. If you have your own insurance, they're going to try and scare you because they tell the sales people to scare the shit out of you. And what I discovered working out in Idaho with this, where there's a lot of Hispanic people who like the first generation don't speak English. And so they have their kids talk to you. The only people who buy insurance are people who don't need it. And the only people who don't buy insurance are people who do need it.

Where like, I can't count the number of times I'd be like at a fucking airport location. And some person would come up like some Mexican lady and then her very young, like seven year old kid. And I'd be like, hey, I'm going to help you, ma'am. And then the kid would have to say like, we want car i'd be like that's great uh can you tell your mom that i need her license and her credit card and she hands me a license and a very dented debit card and i have to be like no this is a it's a a debit it's a debit card you need a credit card she's like no it's created i use it it's like yeah you can you can hit credit when you're buying a diet coke at a 7-eleven but when you're renting

a 75 000 uconn you can't we can't run it as as that you have 75 in your account and like i the number of times i didn't try and sell like rich people any insurance like i was the fastest at writing the tickets because i'd be like you got insurance brother you'd be like yeah it's like you're fucking perfect fucking good dude so should i buy the insurance no no get out of here i don't get commissioned for this why the fuck would i rip you off but then when there would be like a hispanic woman who comes up i'm like ma'am please if you wreck this javier can you tell your mom what i'm saying right now? If you wreck the Yukon, that's an $80,000 car. Ocho thousand car. That's not.

Ocho thousand car. So if you wreck this car, you have to pay for the whole thing. The whole car. Javier, Javier, obviously you're looking at the vending machines. Javier, Javier. The whole car. See, see, yeah. Whole car.

It's like, so if you pay $20 extra a day, if you wreck it, you don't pay anything. But if you wreck it, your life and your children's lives are ruined. Just pony up and do it. They would never buy the insurance. And it felt like 10% of the time they'd come back and get absolutely fucked. The people who would buy it were like rich white yuppies who already had fantastic AAA or something and would just drop $20 for no reason a day on it. So never buy that shit. There was so much tomfoolery and nonsense.

Always check your contracts from those people because they will sneak shit in, in order to get sales. Like they will tell you, I, I, there was one skeevy motherfucker that I worked with. That was the worst about this. The forestry registry came in out of Idaho, where I was, apparently that's where the biggest conglomerate of these firefighters come from. And then they all moved from there down to fight the wildfires in California. And they had set contracts, but because we worked on a DOS system, a DOS prompt system, we can manipulate the contracts. And so there was this one bitch who,

Amy, if you're out there, I hope life is going terrible for you. I hope it sucks. I hope you got divorced after you left us. And so, because what she did is they have like sales goals. And if you hit a certain thing, they incentivize,

but like, you can just go home. You can go home if you want to do that. This bitch would take $20,000 in sales and apply it to a forest registry contract. And those guys don't give a shit. They'll sign whatever. And so then if I'm returning a car on the return line and it pulls up that what was supposed to be

a $1,200 rental for two weeks to the forest registry is actually a $35,000 fee. Do you know how upset a group of dirty firefighters get when you tell them they owe $35,000 for that? They get so upset. And then I have to call like the fire commissioner of it and tell him, I'm so sorry. I got a refund $35,000, the cost of a nice fucking Optima that they already paid us. And then I get yelled at. That shit was the fucking worst. That job sucked. Another thing I would fucking do is I worked at the airport many times going all the way to 2 a.m. And you'd be there with the manager and you would run out of cars just out. And I would have 70 reservations at 1 a.m. by myself standing at the counter with my little fucking tie like a retard. And I would see hordes of people coming down the escalator to come to the rental place.

And I'm just like trying to amp myself up like it's game seven. Like, whoo. All right. All right. You're going gonna get yelled at by at least 75 of those people it's okay it's okay then they all get in line 75 out of 70 75 out of 77 they're gonna yell at me okay some of them have wives some of them have wives there none of them though because they're getting in they get in at two in the morning most of them off of planes that were so delayed they just want their and they just want to go home and they have a reservation but you didn't reserve one reservation and every time 15 minutes

before that plane lands the manager would go it seems like he got a good handle of things taylor i'm out and they would leave just to be me there and they would come in and you talk to the first guy in line and he's like slaps his fucking credit card and license on the table not pleased boom reservation thompson we're out of we're out of cars mr thompson what i have a reservation the best you could hope for in that situation is that the guy would say the Seinfeld line and I would go, but like that was the best you could hope. Usually you would get screamed at, berated. They'd ask for your name. They'd like call and complain. I'd have to try and be like, you know, the reason they did this is because they're trying. I, by the end of my tenure at this company, I was like totally like Stockholm syndrome with the shitty customers i'd be like we're all in this together guys we're all together i'm so sorry i hate this as much as you do i make thirty thousand dollars a year to get screamed at i'm not happy i'm not happy at all and just doing that you want to rent my car i could use the cash you get to do you know you get to do then is i have to like lean over and talk to the hurts guy

and be like tom please please can you get some of these people going he's like taylor i'm so sorry dude we got like two cars and i gotta save them and so i would have to stand there until like 4 30 in the morning with every one of these people calling cab companies to take them where they need to go then paying for it over the phone with the corporate card. And then after one of the companies runs out of cabs, I have to find a new cab company for all these people. It was the fucking worst job. It yelled at constantly. I would be so mad.

It was awful. The only good part of that job is that if somebody came in hot and like, you could even whiff just the slightest of alcohol, you could shut it down. Nope. Not written to you. You smell like whiskey. You smell like, and it was only a couple of times that a person would come in like stumbling drunk and yell at you because you wouldn't rent them the car they wanted. Also, there's a fundamental misunderstanding about how reservations work. You do not reserve the car. You're not reserving anything.

That's how reservations work, though. No, everywhere else! Yeah! Men's car companies, they shouldn't call it a reservation. They should call it a consideration. They should call it a prepayment, because that's what it is. They're just... Woody and I showed up at a hotel once,

and they'd given our reservation away. Oh, yeah. And I think we said, I don't think you know how a reservation works. I think we did. We don't know how a reservation works. Do you know how many times I wanted to leap over that counter and strangle someone to death for saying that Seinfeld line

for the hundredth time that day? And it was infuriating because the fucking manager... Why didn't you put a sign up up that said all out of cars, we would, but there's still 80 reservations for the top of the hour. And they still think that when they hop off the plane, they're getting it. Yeah.

If there was no more cars, but I had a reservation, I would think you only have the reserved cars left. I'm sure you have the vocabulary to make a sign that explains that these people are not wanting to read yeah but you if you could just peel off 20%

of them you know I think I'd still need to hear it I think I'd still be like but wait I have a reservation because I know how reservations are supposed to work I make a sign all reservations are null and void Because I know how reservations were supposed to work. Yeah. I make a sign. All reservations are null and void.

We are out of cars. Zero with the word zero. Cars. Now, are you out of cars or are you out of clean cars? What if I have low standards? So usually the way it works is like those late night ones, there's no car preps there. And so you're literally out.

But how it is sometimes, if it's like 5 p.m. and someone shows up and they have a reservation, it's like, I need a minivan. I have to like phone over to the car preps who are the most degenerate group of no good nicks on earth. You leave anything in your rental car, that shit's getting stolen by one of the ex-cons that work in the car cleaning. I would get asked twice a day. They were gifts all along twice a day. I would have to go down there with those, those animals and be like, did you guys find an iPad? And they'd be like,

Nope. And I'd be like, you motherfuckers, can you please give me the iPad? And they're like, what iPad? And I'm like, I don't,

I don't get paid enough to deal with this. So I just go back and say, I don't't i don't get paid enough to deal with this so i just go back and say i don't i don't have that we just had if somebody lost a garmin or something we just had a bucket of them someone could have walked up and been like hey i lost a hundred garments i'd be like just take them i don't give a shit a garment the gps something like that this was like seven years ago and so people were still using some of those okay and uh yeah i'm trying to think of other shit that was just the fucking worst oh we had uh i had a guy i got in like a 30 minute argument with a guy that he was smoking in the car and he was saying that there's no evidence of that you i know my rights

there's no evidence that i was smoking in this car. And so I did what they teach you to do, which is like open up the back rear front door. Look at the bottom. There's a pile of ash there. That's how you know they smoked. Didn't have to do that, though, because there were dozens of cigarette burns in the seat in the. Wow. It was a Kia Soul.

And it looked like it had been to vietnam and back he put out his cigarettes on the upholstery dozens of times just just speckled shotgun looking thing there was no evidence i i have it i i'll have to send you guys the picture i guarantee if i go back to like 2013 i have that shit on my phone because i you'd find weird shit in people's cars you'd find dildos sex toys we found a costume once those are dressed for the cleaners taylor and i'm surprised you're less appreciative one one guy we found he called back to ask i'll send this to uh it's a giant costume that you wear over your whole body and it has an s on it and it makes you look like a sperm

costume and so this guy had to call at one point he was like yeah i left a costume in the back of the car what kind of costume man he's like it's a sperm costume you know the costume tailor i know i had i'll send you that picture too at the time i just wanted to hear him say it i had the in the office it was making me laugh so hard and uh yeah yeah i'm actually wearing it right now this thing's pretty kick-ass pretty cool i didn't put it on it smelled weird and yeah probably those little bleachy the only place where's in the airport that i worked was at an insurance replacement branch so you know how most times if you're renting a car out of town, you pop by a Hertz enterprise, whatever you go in just the normal, what used to be a bank usually. And it's like,

Hey, give me a, whatever the hell. And they go, here you go. And they take it. An insurance replacement branch is when you get in an accident and it's at a body shop and they need to drive their shitty car, have it towed there. And then they get a horrible replacement car from you. And none of these people know for the most part that their insurance doesn't pay for rental cars. You have to opt into that in a lot of situations.

And so they'll show up furious, like not even the chance to put them in a good mood. So you're like sitting there in the middle of a warehouse, like, how's it going, Mr. Jefferson? And he's like, well, how's it going, Mr. Jefferson? And he's like, well, I totaled my new car. How's your day going?

And it's like, well, I regret to inform you, your insurance will not be covering the rental. How do you prefer to pay? It's like, oh, no, I'm not fucking paying. You call my insurance. And then they yell at you. They scream at you. They call you incompetent.

They say, you don't know what the fuck you're doing shut the fuck up you're a fucking loser like they're mean as shit once they're in their zone of being pissed one guy it was in a bay uh was so i guess not paying attention that there's a car in the front of the bay talking to the insurance person at the entrance to the bay is where the rental place is where they get you set up there was a car pulled up to the insurance thing this thank god no one was standing in the way this guy must have came in into the bay going 22 miles an hour and he just slams into the back of this other car that's already there for repairs and there's just fucking glass and shit all over the place and then he gets out and yells at the lady who had that car there as if she was wrong. And he's like, these people are degenerates. They are the fucking worst a lot of the time. And then other times

you'll come across the sweetest people in the world. My first day on that job where I was working there, they tell me, Taylor, you don't know what the fuck you're doing, how to write contracts yet. Go pick up this lady. She's at this apartment complex. You don't know where it is. And so I had to look it up on my phone. I over there and there's like must have i don't know what the hell was going on but there were like a bunch of cars on the curb with people in it and so i pull up my car there and i don't know where to go because it's apartment complex where just like stairs come down and i just i get i just wait i didn't know what to do i didn't ever number anything i just wait and then i'm playing on my phone and i'm startled because the door my rear side passenger door opens

and this woman just starts going oh thank god you're here my goodness I gotta strap my kid in the back do you mind I do that real quick she starts strapping her kid in I say I haven't said anything at this time she gets the kid strapped in she goes I don't I left my wallet in there give me one second closes the door I didn't say anything i haven't said anything so far i'm now in the car alone with i think a possession of her child the four to five year old child alone and like that is the worst parenting i've ever seen because i was not the only guy sitting there there were five or six people sitting on that curb in a car i don't know why but for all she knew she walked up to a random car buckled her kid and left because i gave no affirmative acknowledgement of it it was my first time i was a little nervous and so that was that

was weird uh yeah that job sucked i gotta think of funnier stories for it right now i'm just kind of ranting about how much i remember i was i was desperate for money i was just out of college i didn't have hardly anything like i just i needed a fucking job and they were the first one that called me back went in interviewed got it done and i was like that that's that's what i gotta do now i gotta make money yeah rental car companies hire a lot of people fresh out of college every major and they all leave within two years yep the turnover time in those companies is the worst because you get paid shit and they work you they tell you when you're getting the job so So you're prepared to work 48, 50 hours a week. And you're like, yeah, that doesn't sound hard.

I don't think I worked 50 hours a week in the entire two years I was there. It was like always 60, 70, so much time. And you've never felt like as much of a fucking goober as when you show up to your new job wearing nice clothes and the first thing they tell you to do nice ass new patent leather shoes and the first thing they tell you to do is to go wash a car in a bay with an indented part that goes to a drain and so day one you've got soap that's ruined your shoes in the bottom of your pants and you're sitting there in the heat of the summer scrubbing a honda odyssey in the middle of a damp bay in a suit like an asshole i would quit i would quit on

day one i didn't have enough money to quit i i had to work like i'd tell like i'm i'm wearing a suit like can i go get some like some khakis and a polo or like is there a uniform here that wasn't there a uniform like khakis and a polo no it was dress pants khakis and then a long sleeve white or light blue shirt and a tie so this is why i use Y'all are too stuck up over there. You're preaching to the choir. Inside, don't use Avis. The best one is use National. Because National, you sign up for their Emerald Club, and then you don't have to talk to a single motherfucker at the airport.

I like to talk and negotiate. You scan it. You're not going to negotiate with one of these companies that well. I'm going to go with Avis. That one's going to be free upgrade. Oh, free upgrade. Those are, you know, what they do is they add a new- I'm a midsize to a full-size SUV?

You know what was the worst? Is when someone would come in and it'd be like, I rented an economy Toyota Corolla. And it'd be like, ma'amam i've got such a treat for you brand new ford f250 hold the phone ma'am hold the phone this is a free upgrade for you a free upgrade and do it and every time the reason i'm doing it is because that's the only car on the lot and i'm trying of course and then she'll be like that's a little too much car and i'm just driving to provo to see my nephew and the gas mileage on that and i'm like

serious xm because this comes with serious xm stuff This woman is five foot nothing and elderly. Try and just grind her into a fucking... Never work. Exaggerated. Not really a 250. It was a 150. Still. Yeah. Okay. I always try to upgrade like... An upgrade that makes sense though.

Like a V6 to a V8 or like a... What do you say to get it? I tell them what I want i just i just i just start a conversation with them like yeah it's gonna be kind of tight in that explorer is it can you just get me in an expedition i saw some out there if you want to get free upgrades like that like if you're paying for something that's 20 a day and you want a car that's 55 a day just tell the person at the counter and go hey i want a want a free upgrade, but I'll also buy roadside assistance protection from you. So then you get a sale and it's all fine. And that's

only an extra $4.99 a day. So basically you're getting a car for $35. That's more expensive. You pay $4.99. We're both happy and look good. And a hundred percent of the time people are like, Oh fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. So many times I've got, you'll, you'll so many times i've got you'll you'll so many times i've gotten free stuff or free upgrades just in life just by asking in car sales we call it asking for the sale you know you somebody be like yeah you didn't buy the car did you ever ask him to what do you mean did you ever say buy the car sign here no i would never be so direct it's like don't be a pussy like just just ask you know the same with everything in life it's always just like like figure out what you want and go for it like somebody was like how could you possibly get a girl to agree to a three-way it's like

ask ask ask hey i'd like to do this what about you no how about for 500 yeah huh oh well i was i knew you weren't that much of a stickler well just just ask for the sale with everything ask for anything like like whether you want a library card or an upgrade at the car rental place or whatever just to ask so if you if you want a nicer car go to uh so here's here's the trick that i i'll do if i want something nicer is you never walk up to a rental car counter and say i'm a walk-up i don't have a reservation what are your rates for this because you have total control what to do. And there were times that our managers would tell us like, Hey, if they ask a Yukon's $400 a day, cause we've only got one and we have to save it. And eventually, uh, you know, someone will come up and be willing to pay that. But if

you want a cheaper thing and you know, more people have it, go to a different rental car place, get a quote, then go to a second one, get a quote, and then go to the one that you originally wanted. Ask for what their listed price is. First look online and then tell them you'll pay $10 more for it per day. Because in their system, even though that's cheaper

than the two previous places you found, those are just excuses in case they need to bring it up. But you just tell them, hey, I know that's listed at 130. You guys just said you're charging 400 a day. How about I give you one 40 a day? That way you get your nut. I get mine and I'm not wasting an extra two 60 a day. So always look up what the rate is online before you walk up to the counter. Because if they, if it says one 40 online and they say it's 400, you show them that and they have to honor it. And well, they don't have to, they can

do whatever the fuck they want, but just tell them, always tell the salesman, you'll pay an extra five or 10 a day for whatever they want and they will do it because they don't give a shit. They do not fucking care. So yeah, just offer to buy something most of the time. Never pay the upgrade price. It's absurd.

It makes sense. It's absurd. So yeah, and that is all I've learned from that. I totally useless information piled in my head do you know how fast i could work that dos prompt system tab f4 tab f4 pop pop pop pop pop just it was horrible looked like swordfish hacking like that's what it was it was literally that it was tab tab tab tab f1 f1 what's your what's your driver's license number you have insurance f1 f4 you know all that airplane people are the same way they're hitting keys at a lightning pace yet for some reason it still

takes 18 minutes to check me in and check my bags how much does your system suck it was so bad it was baffling bafflingly bad they're still using the same uh system that i left seven whatever it was years ago and holy shit if it's dot space is from like the 80s man it was a it was a an improved dos system from 1994 is what we were using christ yeah it was just black background and then like blinking green digits well come to think of it like the the car sales like um program i can't think of what it's called it's the same shit it's called the we call it the blue screen and it's just it's a blue black it's a blue background and it's just super super simple just no interface capable like there's no like scanning anything and everything is manual

prompt and it's just it's pretty sophisticated when i um bought my last car at the toyota place like where i signed was uh it was all you know the credit card where you sign but you can't see what you're writing it looked like that but really high tech it looked like an apple version of that some clean interface and he had a nice clean interface on his screen must have been in the last couple of years oh that was the uh that'd be the insurance guy if you're seeing that right not insurance but like a finance finance guy yeah yeah he was that yeah the guy up front i think it was a four square i called it a four square and he looked at me like i knew what i was talking about we had a game at the airport so like my manager very nice guy but horrible at handling like conflict with

customers. He was too nice. He wasn't good at putting his foot down ever and would end up just giving them the, you know, the farm if they asked for it. And so after a while, there was one time where people were asking for a manager in a hectic situation. And I was just like, yeah, that's me. Just, just lied. And then, and then handled it. Okay. And so from then on at the airport, like when there was a really horrible customer, they would call an audible called pretend manager i was pretend manager and so like i would get calls and i was doing fleet management stuff and it'd be like hey what's up and he'd be like fleet manager was like being outside like organizing what cars go where it's like after you you graduate from finishing the ticket writing or at least it

wasn't this branch and he would call out to the to the booth like hey taylor we got a really rowdy one here on uh online too can you pretend manager for us i'd be like and i love pretend managers it's so much fun to be i like to think you did accents for no reason hello yeah yeah and it would just be shit like answering the phone uh taylor manager of the airport and they'd be like i was just talking to someone and they are not refunding the 40 dollars that you owe me and then i would just like make up managerial protocols a lot of the time we have something called the t2 form you're going to want to dial him back make sure sure you get that. That's called a lost item form. Now you're going to transition that from me to the actual airport security. They know exactly where to file. A lot of this

was just buying time for the manager to figure out what it was. So you're going to call them, ask about that. And then you bring us back and make sure you have your, and then just list off a couple, you know, your, your insurance card number, your just stuff to slow them down to make it so we can actually find what they lost or get what they need and i would just send these people on goose chases and just absolute goose chases to find all these things and then usually by the time they got back you'd be like oh it's all you don't need any of that it's all sorted it's all and then other ones uh the most fun one of those, there was this like really effeminate short fat guy who he came in right into the front and he said,

I reserved a Chevy Tahoe and I don't see a Chevy Tahoe. I just walked your lot. He was giving me that head shaking, that kind of thing. I just walked your lot. I reserved a Chevy Tahoe and it is not there. Do I need to go to a competitor? Do I need to call my friend who is a lot higher up here in you at this company? Do I need to do that? Do I need to do it? And I remember doing pretend

manager. And I was like, sir, you're acting erratic. Have you been drinking? There are other people in line. He's like, the fact you would even ask that says more than enough. I'm definitely ringing him. I'm ringing him. I'm like, sir, as far as we are as a as a company you know i'm sure you know a lot of people who are high up here and i respect that you've just come in here in a way that i no longer feel secure renting our property convenience if you'd like i could call you a cab and get you where you need to be it's just our property and yourself sir for your own safety i don't know if we feel it's the best idea that we give you a vehicle this time and like keep it way tamped down so that the comparison between us is extreme, that anyone around is observing that I am the one who's right.

And so, oh man, if I could go back there for a day. You're such a piece of shit. I hate you. All I would do is be friend manager. I just came here to get my Tahoe and it's not here. Sir, are you on any drugs right now? Because you're acting very erratically. Is that a blade you have?

He's got an IV. I don't know about anybody. I feel like I smell alcohol and pot on him. I think I smell Is that plastic explosive? Do you have plastic explosives? Let me tell you why, though.

He was freaking out about the Tahoe. Because I told him, you only reserved a class of car. You didn't reserve a Tahoe. We're giving you a Suburban or whatever the equivalent is. And he would not take it. He refused. He thought I was lying about going out there. And so he went and walked the lot, which took him way, fucking idiot, way too long to walk the entire fucking airport lot and then come back and get mad and so it was definitely

his fucking fault he could have just taken the suburban and left instead of screaming at me in front of you should have leaned in close and whispered that to him you could be leaving with a suburban so i'm going to humiliate you in front of all of these people. Yeah, and I still remember the person you came... And what ended up happening in the end, it was all fine. He ended up calming down

and then actual manager, who I said was the branch, the hire manager... This is Mr. Hertz himself! And then, hey, suddenly when you tell someone you're not getting a car suddenly the suburban seems like a great idea doesn't it and he was more than happy to take that suburban

by the time it was done and literally the next lady in line or maybe a couple after because there were dozens of people in line as we're having this bout of frustration we're like telling me i'm so sorry like i'm so sorry we're such fucking sheep yeah don't be sorry i was actually fucking with him that went perfectly from my perspective oh i didn't smell anything to be honest i have a i have a suburban a tahoe i got all kind of shit back there i just have a little secret is I did smell whiskey, but that was me. I mean, I'm drunk as shit. And I'm high. I smell my own burp, I think. To be honest, I crashed the Tahoe last night,

and that's why it's not available. I'm going to the funny ones, but for every one of the funny pretend managers genuinely there were 20 times that i handled an actual problem fucking better than my managers just because i wouldn't get all sheepish or i wouldn't get all like flustered and yell like a couple of them would so what's wrong with sheepish though like i know when i had people do customer support at woody craft i had to get people off of that job or even fire a couple because they try to win at customer service. And it's like, no, winning at customer service is when the customer walks away happy.

That's how this is done. You know, if you battle this guy in some sort of argument and you clearly come out on top, great. That doesn't help Woody Craft at all. That sucks. come out on top great that doesn't help woody craft at all that sucks see the thing was like at least in this business it was like if you're too sheepish like some sales or managers people were like you would get bullied into renting a car like a tahoe for 19 a day and then it's like we're hemorrhaging money on this like people are getting mad and so that's like the level of sheepish i'm talking about is managers letting themselves get absolutely stomped on but who cares about the

bottom line i don't care i just don't want to get yelled at by the the area manager who would come this this fucking weirdo who worked there the area manager i remember he was so strict you had to shave every day and you know i remember that yeah yeah and i remember there was one me and my buddy we worked at the insurance replacement branch at this point, and it was the redheaded stepchild of the entire area. He never came to our branch because it was a shithole. There weren't enough chairs for all the employees. We had to stand most of the time.

We got so bored in the middle of the warehouse. I would have brought a chair. I'm saying we got so bored in the middle of this warehouse, you know those bays, that I ordered off Amazon a cheap hockey net and some sticks and we would just play hockey in there sometimes when it was slow but this guy me and my buddy

Sean who worked there both of us were low little underlings and we had we had made it three weeks without shaving it was a game for us to like play you know chicken and see how long we could go and so like I'm for weeks now no fucking tie beard don't fucking care and then there was one time where i was i wasn't paying attention and i

was just sitting like doing something on the computer and then the area manager comes in he Well, hey, Taylor. And I was like, hello. Full beard, sleeves up, shirts dirty, no tie. I'm not Taylor. This is a disguise. What are you doing? And I was like, I was doing callbacks for overdue cars. And he's like, yeah, yeah, are you? And I was like, yeah. He's like, haven't shaved a while have you and this guy was such a passive aggressive fuck he would never actually call you out he would

just make little office space like right we're gonna need you to shave that by monday if you could do that that'd be great and so then i figured this bitch is never gonna get on to me for anything and so i could just do whatever i want as far as not shaving and rolling up my sleeves and not wearing a tie. And so that's what I did. So it all, it all panned out. Other than that, I was a great employee. That's a long list of that. Yeah. You've been going, you've been going for 35 minutes. This was a deposition.

Pretend manager was a good bit and I'm never backing down from pretend manager. It was mostly helpful. It was mostly helpful. I think helpful for you passing the time, but as far as... Ah, fuck. When you worked your 60

hour plus a week, how many hours did you work? Uh, I never really counted like the driving time as working that much because that was so easy. But other than that, like you're, you're fucking standing typing tickets and doing back entire time. You're doing shit. And then like managers stuff off. And so they'll be like, hey, we got a,

and then sometimes, oh, it was fun when you got to do this. They'd be like, all right, we got a red minivan. I had to do this a couple of times. There was this dirt poor trailer park in rural Idaho. And they were like, all right, well, we, this, it's been four weeks since we've seen this, this Chevy. Who wants to go out and take a look? Who wants to go drive the trailer park and ask around, see if they know where it is. And I would always be like, yes, yes, this is so cool. Who wants to go out and take a look? Who wants to go drive to the trailer park and ask around,

see if they know where it is? And I would always be like, yes, yes, this is so cool. I want to do that. And so I'd drive around in a trailer park, and if anyone was standing, I'd be like, hey, have you seen a red, really new-looking van recently? And it was sleuthing. I never actually found any, but it was fun.

Jesus. I didn't expect it to be such hard work my impression was that planes roll in you sprint for 15 minutes and then wait an hour but i guess not it was like they would have you show short staff to be like all right planes coming in you're gonna be busy for 40 minutes writing those and then as soon as you're done you bust your ass down to the wash bay and you start washing cars and so i i've washed even wearing your suit i've washed i washed thousands of cars i didn't know the people at the registers wash cars when it was such bullshit of course to wash the cars because the the car preps down

there don't give a shit they don't they never see the customer and so like they'll do a half-assed job and then they weren't caring like you were i didn't want to get yelled at by the customers and stuff and i did i to be fair every branch i worked at their like score of customer satisfaction the time i joined to the time i ended went up significantly so i did fucking help and i did work hard at those jobs i really did because i would have you you've been in a situation where you feel like enough people aren't busting their ass that it motivates you to bust ass where it's like what am i like one of these people like one of these lazy fuckers no no i'm at work i'm gonna fucking work and so but those days would come and go some days you get berated by enough people at 11 a.m you're like

i'm just gonna i'm just gonna go lose myself at the mexican bistro upstairs for a while and hope nobody asks for me. It takes me 35 minutes to poop. Nothing I can do about it. I'll be back. I'm going to go. I'd just go out in the parking lot and fall asleep in a Suburban for an hour or so. There was a guy that got fired because he did it every day for like a month.

I did it a lot. I did a lot. I had a hard time You know, I, I had a hard time getting my sleep in at night. Uh, we were always partying. We'd be up until 3 AM and then have to be at the, at, at the work at like nine or I don't know, maybe eight 30. So around 11 AM, I just go out in the lot and find something comfy to get in and take a little nap. I mean, you couldn't get away with doing nothing because they would keep like a tally of how many tickets or contracts you'd written that month. But I even convinced my manager at one point. He's like, Taylor, your sales are terrible.

Are you even asking to sell insurance anymore? I told him this is the one who asked me to do pretend manager all the time. I was like, no, I'm not asking anymore. And he's like, you have to at least ask, man. And I was like, let me put it to you this way. Our customer satisfaction has skyrocketed. Why? Because we're moving so much faster out of here. So you got four people working tickets, trying to sell, and they're writing 200 to 400 tickets a month. Then you got me banging them the fuck out over here. You got insurance. Hell yeah. And I've got the line moving. I'm writing a thousand a month then you got me banging them the fuck out over here you got insurance hell yeah and i've got the line moving i'm writing a thousand a month just tearing through this shit and so i didn't think you would buy that but he did so i didn't have to try selling anymore

after that but i you know i helped with customer satisfaction so don't work at a rental car place unless you're just out of college or you luck out because it sucks it's's no fun. Yeah, you're better off stealing. Just steal the rental cars. Just wait for good loot, right? They seem to happen Ferguson was what? 2008? 14. Okay, 2014. Was that it?

It wasn't like closer to the election? Maybe I'm crazy. So every five, six years free shit. You just go get it. You just get it I got a lot more stories than I have for now that's the message of this PKA take what you want yes

exactly well that's 4 hours are there any post rolls no alright hey if you want your question on the show there's a Patreon level link in the description I forget what it is I think $5 you get the show early and you get to ask questions

and there's $50 where you hang out with us every month I enjoy those no outros you said? no PKA 494