Painkiller Already - Painkiller Already #497

Episode Date: June 30, 2020

In this week's PKA, we've got on two guests! For the first half of the show, our friend and amazing stand-up comedian, Josh Wolf is back to have a great time with us, as they debate whether they could take on an 80-year-old Chuck Norris which OF COURSE leads into talking about the atrocity that is Steven Seagall, then we talk about parenting styles and they share some stories from their days back in the public school systems of America... but Josh departs after 2 hours and then the infamous man from down under himself, ChampChong joins us for the very first time and kills it! Champ talks about murdering his hand while trying to be a good son and the guys have a big discussion towards the end of the podcast about various video games and movies... with a dash of 2020 politics. So enjoy this killer 2 guest episode!

pka 497 guest first half comedian joff wood josh wolf sorry kyle a couple of sponsors tonight uh squarespace smart mouth and a brand new one tushy tushy hellotushy.com uh i'll let you go i'll leave you guys in suspense to try to figure out what that's about those of you who don't start googling right away it's very high t regardless so i'm excited oh yeah yeah you're gonna love it you're gonna love it and you my friend need one i guarantee it so yeah we'll get to them later on in the show but uh you're a very shitty butt i feel like you're being harris right like my man's got a fuzzy bottom you're judging i like how you say harris like david rassenbrah and they're being harassed by a gang of gamers no Harris H-A-R-I-S-T it's akin to racist

and sexist and more gun to your head Woody gun to your head and your family's heads there's several guns involved you have to lick someone's butthole it's either my butthole or it's Taylor's butthole. And you know how low body hair I am.

You've seen me shirtless, like at paintball and stuff. Sure, sure. Very little hair. I just got that little strip down my chest, little belly button hair. It's pretty much the same going down. You know I use Nair down below. I bet Josh has a nice asshole. Well, we haven't seen Josh's asshole, so we'll leave that aside.

This is a host-only asshole-licking podcast. I know you're expecting this to be a hair-based decision, but I feel like Kyle's words of affirmation would be more rewarding. So, Kyle, you're my man. Thank you. Thank you. This is bullshit. And I will appreciate... I'll tell you this. Not only will my words of

affirmation be there for you, but I will appreciate it more. Yeah. I'll moan a little. You'd feel desired while you're looking i would treat you like i would have you dressed up in like a Catholic school girl outfit. You'd be in my sub spanking you as you were doing it. You're winning me back. I want to tell a butthole. Thanks for coming back on the show,

Josh. I didn't know if I was part of this conversation. I was just kind of letting it go. I do like how we're just glossing over. You said, you've seen me shirtless at paintball. That seems weird. Why are you paintballing me shirtless?

It was in the break room because it was a million degrees outside and humid as shit. And so you'd come in and just be just stepped out of the shower wet with sweat. Immediately just peel that sticky shirt off and stand in front of a box fan. It felt so good. Yeah. We would come in

in street clothes maybe and change into our paintball gear and then vice versa. Change clothes back and forth. It means that Kyle and I would trade outfits and wear underwear. It's like you casually say to your buddy you've seen me shirtless at paintball this is where

they got me a paintball outfit this is about the time that I regret lying about my waist size by two inches to Kitty testing the tensile strength of that button on the pants you know what's hilarious? I also and I regret it immediately when i'm like you know when you get two thirds of putting pants on and the writing is on the wall the thighs are tight

i'm a little surprised that the decision of whose butthole you were licking wasn't diet-based. I mean, I would have to go with who I thought, one, probably chewed their food better. Two, who I think probably... All right, Taylor wins that one. Yeah, Taylor has the mandibles of a hyena or something. He chews like a praying mantis or something. I'm telling you. That food is fucked.

My 2000 sub Twitch stream, I did my mandibular measurement a little over the 99th percentile as far as human head size. It means I got a steam shovel jaw. And so I'm chewing the shit out of it. It's hard to tell because Taylor's a big guy. He works out a lot.

He's got big shoulders. But his head is the size of a beach ball. It's a foot and a big guy. He works out a lot. He's got big shoulders. But his head is the size of a beach ball. It's a foot and a half across. Can you hold something up next to it that's like human or something? I wish you had a plantain. Do you have a basketball or something?

Do you have something? I have a standard issue clown horn. Everyone knows the sound of these. Look at that. or do you have some? I have a standard issue clown horn. Everyone knows the sound of these. Right? Look at that. That's a 5-1 clown horn. Do you have anything else that's kind of round

that people might... Like, like, if you have a soda can, that would be perfect. Good one. I don't have a soda can. I have...

Do you have your nut rag there? I'm sure it's in front of your computer. He pulls out a Kleenex. I have my nut rag. I have a... Oh, here. I have a dollar bill. But we don't all just have a...

Dollar bill, that's an easy thing. I don't carry cash. Yeah, so it's wide. You have a wide... You have a wide head. He does, Josh. Oh, yeah. Josh, I don't mean to throw stones at you,

but I would not get into a biting contest with Taylor. No, I've tried and lost. Yeah, I've tried and lost. And it's always one of those things where when I'm losing weight, I'll be like, ah, I'm going to lose head weight. And then by the time I've lost all the weight, it's like, no, not really. You know, the skull's still there. Basically, my cheeks just get less fat, which I guess is normal.

You know, there's a jaw exerciser. It's like this little squeezy toy that you put in your mouth and you chew on. And it's literally meant to make your jaws more toned and powerful. I do not need that. Yeah, you could use one of those indestructible Kong toys they sell at PetSmart. Oh, yeah. If I was ever getting tortured and they told me to bite down on a piece of bamboo, that thing is exploding.

Strapnil. I have to tell you, in my life, I've never thought about being tortured and biting down on bamboo, but I will now. That's all there is in Vietnam. That's how it was. What is it they make you bite down on? Like a rag or a piece of leather?

Something like that. Or just like a wooden bit or something like that. Yeah. Don't they fold a belt in half a lot? Yeah, that would do the trick. That would do the trick. By the way, when we keep saying they,

who are we referring to? These are the bad guys in Rambo 2, maybe. Yeah, the would do the trick. That would do the trick. By the way, when we keep saying they, who are we referring to? These are the bad guys in Rambo 2, maybe. Yeah, the terrorists. Exactly. They didn't give him anything to bite down on in Rambo 2. Chuck Norris. Flashback. Now, when we're saying Rambo 2, of course you're just saying Rambo.

Because First Blood is technically Rambo 1. Or you think Rambo is Rambo and then Rambo 2. Or Rambo 2 is Rambo First Blood Part 2, was the title. Right, right, right, right. Is that the one, when you say Rambo 2, is that the one you're thinking of? Or are you thinking of the second Rambo with the Rambo title? Well, the second in the series is the one where he went to Vietnam and freed the POWs who were still there, I suspect. Yeah, they'd been there. They were like

84 and they were still there, which was the premise of a lot of those movies back then. Hollywood was like, we can still win Nam, boys. Don't worry. It's like, it's the 80s and they were going back. Chuck Norris did a couple of those movies too. Do any of you think that

right now, right now, at your age, right now, in the shape you're in, you could beat up Chuck Norris? No. What is his age? He's got the power of Christ on his side also. That's different. Current Chuck Norris, right? Current Chuck Norris.

I think Chuck Norris is a small guy. I was watching a Chuck Norris movie today, And even in that movie at his peak, like he was fit. Don't get me wrong. He's 80. I got that bitch. But, but yeah,

I think we can all beat up Chuck Norris. Honestly, he's 80 and he's five foot eight. That's where I was heading. I think he's short. So what's your, right now, what's your, so say,

I know you just said you could take that bitch. So right now, what's your, what's your strategy? Are you bum-rushing him? Are you squaring off with him and dancing around? If he even gets a good hit on me, I will give him permission to execute me. I think you double-leg Chuck Norris immediately and just follow him to the ground, and that impact alone is going to fuck him up.

Or just delay the fight 15 minutes. He might die. He's 80 years old. Even at his age, if you gave him space, I'm sure he could still kick you right in the fucking face. I don't know. I don't know about that. There's a lot of bone density you lose at 80.

What's the last big public physical thing he did? Something like 1978? I mean, he did some Super Bowl commercials like eight years ago, maybe. But like the last time he was in anything action related was like back in the Lone Wolf McQuaid days. Texas Ranger, right? Didn't he do the Texas Ranger? Texas Ranger.

Now, Texas Ranger Chuck Norris probably kicks my ass. Would not probably, dude. Definitely. What's his martial arts background anyway? Because I'm always skeptical about Hollywood tough guys. No, he was an actual fighter. So that was one of the things when people used to, and I could be wrong, but I don't think so.

When people used to ask who would win in a fight between you and Bruce Lee, I think one of his responses was always like, Bruce Lee was amazing and skilled, but I actually fought, and he did it. I think that's one of the things he would say, I've actually been in fights, sanctioned fights, and he hadn't. But I don't think Chuck Norris is a fake tough guy. I think you could Google if he fought professionally, but I'm pretty

sure he did. Yeah, I will say, based on his Wikipedia page, this picture of him five years ago, where he was 75, that is a fantastic-looking 75-year-old. Yeah? Let me see. Yeah. Yeah.

They always use really flattering portrait photos. Yeah, this is also a very low quality picture. Oh, come on, guys. First of all, he looks absurd. He's wearing that light blue blazer with that turtleneck.

Yeah, but the turtleneck makes... That wig. This is a clear eye for the straight guy. Just look at how he looks for a 75-year-old. He looks like a pussy is what he looks like. Oh, my. I think the gauntlet has been thrown. I publicly challenge Chuck Norris

to a fight to the death at his leisure at my house. Anytime. I would love to see him show up in that turtleneck because that turtleneck... So Chuck Norrisris if you get this chuck norris wearing that turtleneck i think you just have to not come out of your house for a while

yeah you have to go to you know some kind of recluse the existence yeah i have no fear of chuck norris at this point again not saying he was a fake tough guy i'm just saying he's an 80-year-old man. I agree with you, and I'm saying I would much rather fight Chuck Norris than any of the three of you. Like, all three of you would be way harder to beat up than Chuck Norris because you're all young people. You know, your bones aren't shit.

Woody, I'm blumping you in here. Younger. Younger, all right? Woody's not 80 fucking years old. He's not eight years older than me or something. Woody was born when Chuck was Woody's current age. Let me throw this out at you, because we all know that Seagal isn't as old as Chuck Norris,

but he has put on a couple of LB. Here's the thing about Seagal, though. Six foot four, and got to be close to 300 pounds these days Right Also a legitimate Martial artist He taught for a long time Can I just

Can I jump in with the legitimate Martial artist Let me just remind you He used to call himself I'm a black belt I could kill you And real martial artists would say cool let's fight and he would say no because i fight to the death and they'd be like cool and he'd back out so like a cool excuse josh is right no uh

chuck lauris is way more legit than steven seagal ever was yeah no chuck lauris is a black belt in brazilian jiu-jitsu he's a black belt in karate he was a competitive karate fighter for many years he's won like american tournaments and stuff like that i don't know if competitive karate is quite ufc right i don't know what those rules are exactly it might be like back then yeah yeah in um in taekwondo i could be wrong on this i'm not an expert but i think a lot of their scores are just counted on touches. Like if I get my foot on your chest, I get a point. But that's not really based on damage.

That's not what the karate tournament is where I think fights. Okay. I think Seagal, and I would say the one thing about somebody like Seagal who's 6'4", 300, to me, all you got to do is last more than a minute. If you can last more than a minute, I think he's just going to be, from that point on, 30 seconds of heavy breathing. I mean, he gets those big meaty paws on you

in the first 25 seconds. You're going to have a real, that 35 seconds you're waiting for him to burn out is going to be the hardest 35 seconds of your life because he's going to be bringing those holiday hams down right on you. You know he's still making action films? That's outrageous. He made a movie last year where

he's an Army Special Forces Ranger, super-duper Navy SEAL, whatever the fuck, and he's in a desert country with a bunch of other guys who are 20 years old who should be there. And there's a part where his buddy gets shot and Seagal has to drag him to safety.

And it's so clear that Seagal doesn't have the strength to drag his buddy to safety. And that he's just holding the guy's collar with about this much strength. And then a wire just... Just reels. Somebody's back there like, Mr. Seagal needs more attention.

Taylor. The reason he can do that is because he owns his own production company and so like he's the grand poobah on set and if he wants you pulled by a wire because he's too lazy or enabled you know as a total inability to do it he can so who's more believable as an action start but josh you want to go when you see him fight now, it's all close up. You don't ever get to see him act. It's all that and then you see the reaction. They don't do...

I love that move. He does it every movie at least once where he traps their wrist and he takes a knee in front of them and just snaps it over his shoulder. They're just like,

I love that move. Do you know how hard it is to snap a wrist? Yeah. It makes it look easy. I will say, as far as their movies go, early Seagal, I like Seagal's movies more than Van Damme. I like seagal's movies more than van damme and i like seagal's

movies more than chuck norris like seagal those early seagal movies under siege but also because he was doing a marsh a a form of martial arts that i hadn't seen in movies before yeah do you know what i mean it was so much of him using other people's body weight. Is it akimbo? Is that what he does? It's called Aikido. Aikido. So it was super cool to watch, and he was so much more fluid than some of those other guys. So I think his early movies were great, but his later ones are just – these are tough.

His hair is jet black too. He's got this wig on. It's jet black. And he'll always wear like, oh man, there was this love scene in his last one. I think Comptown did a funny bit on it where they, they like do a joke commentary over it. And he's like hooking up with like,

literally like, like a gorgeous 25 year old, like petite woman. And she, and he's, he's in bed wearing a leather jacket to hide how fat he is. He just looks terrible. He looks terrible. And thank God they just fade to black

the next morning. Wait, so the sex has to be implied he's so fat? Do you think that they initially had the sex like scene written in there and then they saw him turn and then just that weight of his gut no no no if he owns his own production company they filmed the sex and then cut it from the final production like yeah it look terrible cut that they're like sensei sensei seagal um this is not going to work so sensei seagal cut it out cut it out but you're sending me a copy underwear but we actually can't see it it doesn't look taylor who's more believable as an action star modern day steven seagal or some hot 22 yearold model they got from the agency who can barely jump on a chair?

Seagal. Who's the hot 22-year-old? I don't know. I feel like this is a movie trope. I always see this. Some brand-new action star female that's supposed to beat up 13 guys in this film. Let's pick Angelina Jolie from salt like like one of those movies where where that where they take someone who is not even known for their physical prowess

and and they're not a superhero movie they're not there's no like they just make them a badass like angelina jolie and salt she was just like uber badass kicking the shit out of three guys at once yeah don't that's shitty i will say you're these yeah but guys photos of steven seagal's hair are absurd they're hilarious there is jet black it's also so insulting to people who are looking at it because it's jet black it's painted on and then he pretends like they'll never beard look at the beard the whole thing is so it's just safe just be like hey funny right yeah okay let's get that over with same thing with you're like so wait a second one day great hairline jet black the next day something

completely different like let's just make up your mind what you want to look like yeah and you're a guy like as a man shouldn't give a fuck when your hair starts going gray just let it happen as long as the hair is there that's a net victory yeah but it's not there like like travolta is bald seagal is bald chuck norris is bald the only i i do have and i and i obviously don't dye my pubes, but I did not like the gray pubes. Really? I've had a couple come in, and I'm like, God, that is depressing.

Is it the above the cock area, or is it like some straggler nut hairs? Well, definitely a nut hair, but above the cock. Wait, where are your nuts exactly? Where are my nuts? He's saying both. He's saying both areas. He said definitely nut hair, but above the cock.

Both. Oh, I see. I thought your nuts, I thought your penis was different than mine. I actually like to keep, yeah, I was born with nuts above cock. It's like, it looks weird. It looks like a toupee. Like Mickey Mouse. Ipee. Like Mickey Mouse. I'm just imagining Mickey Mouse.

It looks like my dick has a brain on the outside. That's all. Every time you're getting blown, your balls just rest in the eye sockets. Mickey Elephant, maybe. Now that I'm getting older and my balls are sagging, it just looks like droopy ears. It's not terrible. And now when I'm getting older and my balls are sagging, it just looks like droopy ears. But it's like, that's not terrible.

No, the gray pube for me was just like, was more of a panic than anywhere else on my body. I don't know. Not that I think my dick looks old, but you know what I mean? Like that, that really,

every time I see one, I, I, every time I see one, I plug it. I don't like my dick is aging better than the rest of my body. I'm going gray all over the place up here. Like my, my grain, this is rapidly accelerating.

And my dad is in his mid fifties and has white as snow hair from losing all his color. And so I think that's the road I'm on, but he has all his hair, so that's good. But I don't have any great pubes that I know of. Yeah, no,

no gray pubes yet. I do have some gray hair more than it looks like because it's grayest under the headset. Um, but does it? No, no, I'm 47.

So I've done kind of well hair wise. I still have the pimples of a 19-year-old, maybe. What are you, 7 out of 10, maybe? But for 47, I'm all right. What you're not seeing is Woody also has a very nice Mel Gibson-style salt and pepper beard that he could grow in at any point. Just looks magnified. It's gray as fuck. It makes me look 10 years older.

He looks like Colonel Sanders' sexy younger brother. Yeah. Don't get like that. He'll never grow it out again. He'd pump it up every time he grows it out. He still shaves it off. His wife is in control. Are you talking right, Sanders?

Yeah, yeah. The whole wife is in control narrative is so off topic, right? Or off target, I mean to say. I feel like you have some kind of obligation to be desirable to your partner, right? I get to choose what her pubes look like. I expect her to maintain a body fat at a certain level. If she wants me not to have a big bushy beard, then look, she's got to fuck this. Wait a second. Wait a second.

Did you just say I expect her to maintain a certain body fat level? Yeah. I might have said that. Yeah. Yeah. Have you said that out loud to her? I think, yeah, but not, I phrased it way better to her. Yeah, I'll bet.

You're good at that. Say that again, Josh? I think what you probably said to her was, I love you no matter what you do. That's what you said to her. No, I tell you, as soon as I turn this show off on the Alpha King, I'm going to go up the castle.

Oh, come on. Hey, fat bitch, put the cookie down. So we do have a code Like if she sees me eating trail mix Or if I see her eating chocolate or something It's just Like that Yeah it's like you know You're kind of stuffing yourself

Full of high caloric food Wow man She goes and cries. No, no, no. It's the gentlest way you could say it. Well, she hides the crying, of course. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know.

In her chocolate. In her chocolate. I don't, that has never been. Now listen, my wife is, I've overshot my, I've outkicked my coverage. I mean, there's no doubt about it at all. Okay.

My wife is a 10 out of 10. But, like, we've never – I've never discussed with her about how she looks or what I think she should look like. Oh, you should try it. It's great for a relationship. Communication is great for a relationship. Communication is great for a relationship. And to set subtly some expectations that you maintain yourself at some level is okay. Yeah, what you do is you bring the doors in much thinner so that she gains an ounce she can't even fit through. It's like you must be this tall to get on the ride thing at the amusement park.

You know what else I do? I don't know. I think this is pretty cool. If she has an outfit that I don't like on her, I just fucking throw it away. It's gone. Do you know where my sweater is? Yeah, that thing didn't make it. And she'll do this.

Didn't make what? Didn't make the cut. Didn't make the cut didn't make the cut that should cut tossed dude if you're if you're being serious right now that is one of the funniest things go in there and be like bitch cape season's over throw away shit i don't like to see your head it's about to explode are you like it's after september nobody wears white like is that you no, it's after September. Nobody wears white. Like,

is that you? No, no. It's more like you look like a gay pirate in this. This shit's got to go. Why did you buy? Why did you buy fluffy half sleeves or whatever? Is this a tuxedo top?

What were you thinking? Yeah. Yeah. If I see like her mother, her mother's past, but she used to wear um she's from north jersey and she would wear like picture a sweatsuit but it's not it's made out of nylon and it's like bedazzled down the legs or something oh yeah yeah exactly okay yeah so if i see jackie like trend in

that direction as she's apparently genetically apt to do that she just disappears it's gone i'll say i used to do that with my kids toys anyone that i didn't like that made noise that bothered me uh anything i i would just when he was asleep i would go into his room throw it out and i would just tell him he lost it i have a legit tip on this. I bet the little retard believed you. Here's what we did. Hey, listen, kids, the best part about having young kids is that they're dumb and you can trick them. That's the best part. Anybody who's like, always tell your kids the truth. Not only when you have to, but as long as they're dumb enough for you to lie to them and trick them like yeah i remember i tell him my son once he was not psyched about okay there was this thing happening at school

and he wasn't understanding why he needed to do it and he was pushing back pushing back pushing back and i was like he was like well why do i have to do it and i told him earlier right up no kidding i said hey man listen if you don't do this i'm i'm gonna kill the easter bug and he was like, well, why do I have to do it? And I told him early, right up, no kidding. I said, hey, man, listen, if you don't do this, I'm going to kill the Easter Bunny. And he was like, what? I was like, I'll find the Easter Bunny. I'll get rid of him forever. He was like, you can't kill the Easter Bunny. I'm like, try me.

And that was it. Try me. When they're young and dumb dumb you can tell them anything but that's what crystalia says yeah dude if you don't respond to this dm i'm gonna molest santa i want to talk about the toy thing so why this is a pro tip out there for you soon to be parents or new parents. With a pacifier, right?

You give the kid a pacifier, shuts them the fuck up for two years or so, and then they get to an age at like two, two and a half, where you're like, you look ridiculous. You're an embarrassment to my family. You're still using a pacifier. But they love their pacifier, right? Hey, don't judge me. So this is how we did it.

The first thing we did is we took scissors and we snipped off like an eighth of an inch to the end, right? Now it has like a – You circumcised the binky? Yeah. So the tip of it, it's no longer sealed. It doesn't suck the same way. It's like it's not as cool. And they're like, oh, not as good. Yeah.

But they didn't give it up. So then we cut like another eighth of an inch off, another quarter of an inch off. And they're just like, yeah, that's your last one and you're wearing it out, huh? It seems like at night it shortens by a quarter inch until eventually the thing barely has any value and they're just like, ah, fuck it.

I wore out my pass fire. We just took it away from them. But there's a fight there. We got our kid to not want it anymore. It's genius. Stick with me. You know who wins the fight every time? This guy.

I'm not scared of a fight if I know I'm going to win. I would just, you know what I mean? But I would take, yeah, we took it from. We had different, also people have different ideas of potty training and diapers and all that stuff. My theory was always they're eventually going to get tired of shitting in their pants. Eventually, even if it's the first day of school and they're the only person, like, am I the only person that shits in my pants still? That's the last day they'll do that.

So I never stressed about that shit either. Like I think all that stuff works itself out. You know what I mean? Like reading. I mean, he'll eventually learn how to do it. Yeah. Eventually he's going to speak the English.

You know what I mean? So maybe he's a couple of years behind. I learned from the cereal box. I was in a fucking retard reading class in, in kindergarten. Were you? Yeah. And it's so funny because by second grade, I loved reading and I figured it out,

but they had these little picture book things. I've told this either on my channel or on the show years ago, and you know how it would be like, Jack rides a bike. The bike is red. The red bike goes fat, that kind of shit. I just remembered all the stories and would memorize the stories

instead of learning how to read. And then one day when the teacher brought out, you know, Susie's purple picnic basket or whatever, instead of Jack's red bike, you know, I just second nature thinking about playing with connects or whatever in the corner again, started saying the wrong book. She caught me, realized I hadn't learned how to read at all, sent me to the retard class. It was me and two other people. I hadn't learned how to read at all, sent me to the retard class. It was me and two other people. And I realized immediately at the age of five, I was like, I do not belong here.

But I did get like a couple months of so many candies and treats. Because if you could read the word stuff in there, that bitch was, oh, Taylor, that is so good. You're improving so much. And I'm just sitting there like may i have another stopper and so i got so many treats and then she eventually moved me back out of there when i did learn to read so uh yeah i spent a few months in the the retard sylvan learning center i'm telling you what you did in elementary school is basically how i go through my life. Low expectations. I always, I always, listen, I want people thinking I'm dumber than I am. You know what? You know what

they don't expect from the dumb guy? Anything. Guys, lower, set the expectations for people on you lower. So that way they don't expect anything smart. And when something does come out, they're like, oh, okay, look at okay look at that i i that's been always about i'm like people i want people to think this is the best i can do so even when i just do a little bit over there like good job buddy you did a good job i think none of those kids in the normal class were getting treats when they read the sentence no you're all learning the same way but i got treats i had the opposite experience taylor yeah i've told this before but it cracks me up so um at my schools in the school system

we got report cards four times a year but then we got midterm deficiency reports four times a year so eight times a year we got some sort of negative feedback about my school progress i never went even a quarter quarter with their half a quarter without um without my parents getting some sort of negative feedback about my school progress. I never went even a quarter quarter, or half a quarter, without my parents getting some sort of, you know, Woody sucks at school. And I'm in like 10th grade or so, and my mother is bringing this up to me. She's like, Woody, what is going on here? Why is it that you never make, like, even a few weeks without me hearing about how you're failing some class or another?

And I was was like third grade third grade i kicked ass and she goes she thought you were retarded i fought to keep you i fought to keep you in regular classes in third grade she had to sleep with your teacher fucking horace cup style with your teacher fucking horoscope style you're just sitting out there on the front porch where she's getting railed out by some stinky sweaty superintendent

she's enthusiastic about my education mom is just up there keeping me in school Mama's just up there keeping me in school. Holy shit. You've told that before, but it hit me just hard. I've forgotten it. I have forgotten that. She thought you were retired. What a horrible thing to say to your child.

No. She won the argument. Yeah, that's the goal. You were 15. Yeah, about that. I never even had bad grades for the most part throughout school. It was just like all my progress reports and teachers meetings were like yeah he participates a lot in class but it's mostly joking around and talking to other classmates this kid does not shut up and that was

the only thing i would ever really get in trouble for so i imagine that's how you were josh yes no yeah i i i never uh you know what i was fun to have in class, but I didn't retain shit. Like I could sit in an entire class and walk out and be like, what was that about? I have no idea. And so, but I like to have fun in class. I would definitely, I was a little bit of a pain in the ass to my teachers. But that's because when they, the only thing I was good at was being a wise ass. When they started the learning, that was not my strong point you know i could get the class

in something that you were so out of your depth that you just like laughed at yourself art history art history was the one that got you how man when they were like this is the thing because for me what i'm not good at is like if you go, I'm going to give you a list of 10 names. You got to remember those 10 names. I smoke too much weed for that. And I always have. So if you're asking me to remember. So like art history is all about memorizing names and dates and all that stuff for the tests. And I just, I couldn't do it, man. It was supposed to be the cakewalk. Any cakewalk, any class where I could bullshit. So if you were going to have me write an essay, I'm in.

If you were going to be like, give it a whirl, yeah, I got that. But anything where it's no facts, that was not it. And art history was all facts, man. I just needed to know who and when and i could never remember that shit ever i was good um and it seems boring you know it's not boring but like if it's interesting like i can name all of the fucking lord of the rings stats and that's the same thing as history it's just that the lord of the rings doesn't actually help me are there stats in lord of the ring yeah all that well you know that not really the stats the lore i guess

what percentage of gondorians are fucking blacksmiths you're talking about the art history thing i it was i mentioned this recently so i'll keep it short but i remember senior year of college first day of italian two i took italian one two years prior forgot all of it and when she comes in and ever and she goes buongiorno you know students whatever that word is and everybody sends out a chorus of like custom answers like oh piazzetta oh and i was sitting there and i was like, I was half a second from saying hola. That's what I would have said. I know that I'm going to be fucked. You're like Brad Pitt and the Glorious Bastards. Buongiorno.

Buongiorno. Your lamy. Say it again. Let me hear the music in it. Your lamy. The other night, I watched that the other night that is an underrated tarantino film that's an overrated tarantino film no i don't think so it's a highly rated tarantino film i but it's sides story with the woman in the theater really just oh you mean 50 of the story yeah well let me ask

you this if you were going to give me your top three tarantino films yeah inglorious bastards yeah it's not in it for me either no no i would go pulp fiction and then i go reservoir dogs and uh and then from there shit reservoir dogs definitely my number one of those yeah that's true for most people um i preferp Fiction to Reservoir Dogs Though I do like it a lot And then it's kind of iffy but I like Django a lot Me too Are you counting True Romance as a Tarantino film?

No I don't But I like Oh it's pretty good Gandolfini's in it Patricia Arquette True Romance So first of all people ask me all the time who do you think was the best stoner in any movie of all time and for me it's brad pitt in true romance brad pitt and true romance is the best stoner role ever ever ever the the cast in that christopher that Christopher Walken and what the fuck is his name?

The dude who was an easy rider. Yeah. Dennis Hopper. Dennis Hopper. That scene with Walken and Hopper in that film, man, if you haven't seen True Romance, that is a killer. If you're counting True Romance as one of tarantino's films that's my favorite smoking that cigarette sitting there all beaten up for the first minute we talked about

true romance i'm trying to figure out how this fits in with true lies the movie i'm thinking of where arnold schwarzenegger saves his wife and flies a harrier and i'm like, I don't remember any of this shit. It sounds all wrong. That scene with Dennis Hopper is great. He's sitting there smoking that cigarette while all those mobsters around him. He's telling that story. He's explaining to him how the Moors came into Italy and raped all of his four mothers and he drops an N-bomb or two. That scene to me is better than the walk-in watch scene in pulp fiction that's oh no i i disagree with that because it's watch dennis hopper hopper is so good

in that and christopher walk and they're both so good in that scene those dudes are just like oh shit if you've never seen it, I bet you can just see the scene on YouTube. But for me, I think the walking scene in Pulp Fiction is good, but doesn't touch the true romance scene.

Patricia Arquette was amazing. Yo, Gary Oldman in that movie playing that pimp. I like the scene where James Gandolfini beats the dog shit out of Patricia Arquette. It's so realistic.

That's a great scene. They have a fucking fist fight. James Gandolfini is in this? Yeah. He was fantastic. It's a good movie was fantastic. Yeah. It's a good movie. The final scene in that movie where they all meet is it's a,

it's, it's such a great Tarantino, but I think isn't the guy Ridley Scott's brother. Didn't he direct it? I don't remember, but, but, but yeah,

I would tell you right now for me, Django, uh, I put Django maybe above Reservoir Dogs I'm sorry it's really fucking good and I'm a big Kill Bill fan I know not everybody is but I really like Kill Bill and I count it as one movie

so it's really high up there for me but I hate I just don't like Inglourious Bastards I've seen it so many times the whole I'm spacing out on her name, but the female character who we follow. Shoshanna. Shoshanna's entire storyline is no good to me. And I get that Tarantino has an interesting way of doing timelines in his movie.

You often don't see the meat and potatoes of the story. You kind of get the before and afters. Look at Reservoir Dogs, but I could have used a lot more of the inglorious bastards being bastards and gloriously in Nazi Germany and like doing some sabotage or some more gun fights or something. They all had so much chemistry, so many good actors in that crew. There was so much potential for action and it never really felt like it popped

off the way that it should. It never did. It never did. There was literally the one scene action, and it never really felt like it popped off the way that it should. It never did. It never did. There was literally the one scene where they're in the bar, and that was barely anything. There was a scene with a baseball bat where they beat a guy. But that was after a battle that we didn't get to see. There were only two men left alive, and it was Colonel Hans or whatever who got baseball batted. And the other guy who tried to run away got shot in the back.

We're spending 40 minutes watching Shoshana change placards on a cinema. It's like, I don't give a fuck about this. Fucking strudel and shit. I just didn't care about her storyline at all. She's a beautiful actress. She did a wonderful job at it, but that's not what I was. I showed up for a war movie i thought yeah exactly i if that whole movie should have had two characters brad pitt and the guy who plays the nazi

they're the two best ones by far yeah he's great yeah man i love stuff waltz yeah he's so good. That opening scene. But here's what I love about Tarantino. Is that he lets you forget about storyline. So he said that. What I did love about that, and this is for me when I watch movies in general. I love, because I

would watch that movie. I remember the first time watching and going throughout the movie, I'm like, why did we see that first scene? I love that he does that. And then he pays it off. Three quarters of linear storytelling. So I really, I really enjoy that because it keeps me guessing.

So I hear what you're saying, but I, the thing that you didn't like about it, I did like that. It was like, I have no, I, it was not what I was expecting. It may be what I liked about it i did like that it was like i have no i it was not what i

was expecting it may be what i liked about it so much that's fair enough i i but but i mean i don't despise it or anything i just think it's one of his weaker efforts um i definitely um hateful eight i like more than most people i think if you imagine it as a stage play rather than a film it's it's a lot more fun. But it was really cool to see it in 70 millimeter. I got to, there's only like one 70 millimeter projector in the state of Georgia. And I went and,

and that was really cool to see. But, but I really, I really like Django a lot. I think Jamie Foxx and Christophe Waltz together was, was a really cool team. And there's an example of them giving you some meat and potatoes. They established Jamie Foxx

and Christoph Waltz as this bounty hunting duo. And they're like, hey, we'll work together through the winter and then in spring we'll go look for your girl. He's like, okay. So you get a training montage and then you get a montage of them sniping out bad guys. I could have used something like that in Inglourious Bastards. Like them parachuting in, them sabotaging Nazi fuel tankers

or ambushing Nazi supply lines or something like that. Even if it was just three to five minutes of montage set to a little bit of music or something like that. Even if it was just like three to five minutes of montage set to a little bit of music or something like that. I don't know. I just felt like we didn't get more engaging. We just didn't get to see him do much.

Maybe it's recency bias, but I think I like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood more than Django and Inglourious Basterds. You know, I didn't even consider that, but I definitely like it better than, I think it's in the top five. I definitely like it better than Inglourious Basterds. I'm up in the air about whether or not I like it more than, I think it's in the top five. I definitely like it better than Glorious Bastards. I'm up in the air about whether or not I like it more than Django.

So am I. You know what my takeaway from that movie was? And I understand why both Brad Pitt and DiCaprio signed up to do it. I think if every single scene in that movie is an acting class scene, and what I mean by that is every scene if you read it as an actor you're like oh this is a great fucking scene but all together didn't make a great story like there were certain times i'm like why are we seeing so much of this fake movie like why do we need to see the fake western for so long you want tell you why it's tarantino jerking himself off

with that nostalgia i mean that's what i mean so for me it was so it was great writing and great acting but the story was there were so many scenes where i was like what does this have to do with the movie the movie not not tarantino and dicaprio and Brad Pitt showing how good they are, but what does this scene, his great acting in the movie, have to do with the movie move? I hear you. I know exactly what you're talking about. It does feel disjointed at times, but I found 40 minutes into the movie with that disjointed feel,

that was part of what was sucking me in, where I'm like, usually there's a formulaic tone to a movie, and I can kind of predict what's going to come next even if I've never seen it this it's so disjointed and out there you didn't know what was happening next you would never know and I will say obviously the last scene in that film is the best one far easy easy but but

yeah I'm not going to I'm not going to ruin it for anyone but uh lots of people but that that scene this will spoil anything but that that scene you're gonna hate it this one you're gonna know anything you'll spoil anything but that young girl that i think you'll struggle to get through it there'll be parts lately what we're what the three of us are kind of talking about right now is that that middle part where it's like yeah you really don't

care about this movie could be 40 minutes shorter it be, but then you wouldn't know as much about your three main characters and care as much about them. I think it's very important when we get to the end of the movie that we A, love Sharon Tate, that we love her and we care about her. B, it's important that we know that Brad Pitt's a bad motherfucker. C, it's important to know that that brad pitt's a bad motherfucker and c it's important to know that leonardo dicaprio's career has been rough and he doesn't know what to do next i think it's interesting again a meta level right not watching the movie but knowing about the movie to see what

happens to a director who can do anything he wants and what he wants is artistic right like i feel like the choices he makes in django with how he and oh and um what is the one with kurt russell in the hateful eight thank you the choices he makes in hateful eight most directors don't have that kind of rope you know to do anything they want with whether it be hang himself or make a great film tarantino is like i am going to use the social capital that i've built up to make the movie that I want to make. It's like a Tolkien, but as a movie director, where he spends like, dude. Let's not get crazy here.

Well, Tolkien's like, you know, they're like, dude, this book doesn't fucking flow. You spent six pages trying to tell me it's dark out. Oh, I see your point, yeah. He's like, no, every word is the word I meant meant to do and i'm inflexible on this and i'm tolkien so i can give you the middle finger well tarantino uses that same power to make the movie that he wants to make and we can criticize it and say ah you know what it could have been this or it could have been that but it is exactly the bullseye that he was shooting at so from outside that's one thing i find interesting about tarantino movies yeah i will tell you the one thing i do like

about hateful eight and like i, one of the things I like the most about him is that you can't predict the movie, right? It was like you said, I did like that it was written and shot like a stage play. It was one room.

And so you watch characters go in and out. You saw a little outside of the room. But the fact that most of the business was done in that one place, like the stage play, and so much happened, I thought was amazing. Now, I don't think it cracks

my top four, but I agree with you. What I love about him is you can tell a Tarantino film by the soundtrack alone, but still, he makes different choices in every film, even though every film is signature Tarantino. I love the rap in Django. You would think, wait, this is a Slavery Times movie.

How are you going to throw some rap in there? But when you see Jamie Foxx wearing that blue fucking suit with the ruffles on the shoulder riding that horse with one fucking hand it's like i need a hundred back soldiers a hundred and you're just like fuck yeah fuck yeah he is riding the shit out of that horse that horse might as well have spinners on it yes yes that's a great line it's so fucking cool yeah i'm gonna look at that horse differently now oh man isn't it super cool to to to wouldn't it be super cool to be at a point where you're like i can make whatever decision i want for this for my art and this movie and people are going to eat this shit. He had the funding for so long from Weinstein,

right? Like, like almost all of his movies are Weinstein productions. The, um, this, this most recent one, once upon a time in Hollywood is,

uh, is the first departure from that in a very long time. Um, I watched Pulp Fiction probably twice a year. Um, I watched a lot of documentaries about Pulp Fiction. I love Pulp Fiction. I'm fascinated with it. And some of the weird, some of the ways that people have dissected

it. There's a guy on YouTube, I think his website is Collative Learning. His name's like Oliver Harper or something like that. And he has an hour long video just about the gold watch in pulp fiction. And yeah, and like following the character and explaining all these themes with color that are carried over throughout the scene and all these hidden gems in the background. It's fascinating stuff. Cause he's not just, it's not just surface level with Tarantino.

There's a lot of like stuff hidden. There's a lot of stuff with color. Do you think, okay. Do you think that some of that is real and some of that is just people absolutely just like just like with stanley kubrick some of it is real and some of it is like yeah he intended this like like but but there's so much of it like like there's so many um like like commonalities that repeat themselves over and over that it's like, yes, some of this is true. And he'll even say it in the Oliver Harper guy.

I think I'm getting his name right. He'll be like, all right, maybe I'm reaching on this one. But look at that sign back there. It says time to kill. But some of the letters are burnt and you're just like, oh yeah, I never noticed that. And when he's in the pawn shop looking for the weapon weapon to take back downstairs to the to save ving rames character from getting butt fucked um i don't know he did get he got the dude he got fucked super hard you guys are

talking about the watch scene that was the scene that impacted me like it you know are you okay i'm pretty fucking far from okay and i'm just like oh shit's about to turn around right now he's not in a forgiving mood what now i'm gonna tell you what i will tell you i'm gonna get about five pop hitting motherfuckers go to work on the homes here with a pair of plies and a blowtorch. You hear me talking hillbilly boy. We don't get medieval on your ass. Of course you have encyclopedic knowledge of it. Like,

but like, it is funny how they're at each other's throats. Like I want to fuck, I want to kill him, kill him. Like, and then the rape happens and it's like in both of their minds, it's like all that other stuff was silly nonsense. I don't think that tells the story.

I realize now how much that's – Bruce Willis had an opportunity to escape, and then he decides to turn back and save the other guy. That's what erased – that was the deposit in the emotional bank account that he was looking for. It was. To match the deposit in Ving Rhames' ass. Because he's up there about to walk out, and he's thinking about how his dad was abandoned in that POW camp, how he was left behind.

He's probably thought his entire life about how he grew up hearing that story about how his dad died in a POW camp. He probably fantasized about being able to go there and rescue his dad You know and save his dad and here he is with the opportunity to do just that and he fucking walks down there but when he pulls the katana down you're just like You could have found a cooler weapon like so many mall ninja pieces of shit in the world have a katana. And they make those Instagram videos where they're holding and stuff. And they look like such jabronis.

And I own a katana, or I did before the federal government took it from me. But I just thought it looked cool. Wait, what? Oh, it's a long story. Just Google. I'll send you some links. It's a whole thing. He's spending a couple months in prison, but he's out now and we're happy for him.

Someone came and took it from you? Yeah, the federal government. Which department? Was it the ATF? I believe it was ATF in conjunction with the Georgia Bureau of Investigation and a couple of local departments. Wait, so how did they know you had it?

Because he was posting pictures of himself in a fucking gi. I was showing off my kata on Instagram and they decided that they registered me as a lethal weapon. That is the truth.

You stand in there threatening poses with a sword with the hashtag not my president. Yeah. Yeah. And that's... Tell him what happened. Fast forward.

That's exactly what happened. They saw my kata. And they came and they said, hey, you're not allowed to have that uh i got my cold dead hands this is a nippon steel um i uh i got caught with half an ounce of marijuana so they arrested me and they took all my weaponry away and put me in federal prison for a few months hey wait is half an ounce of marijuana against law because i gotta go do something. I was informed by the federal prosecutor that a joint is against the law. And it wouldn't have mattered if I'd had a bud of marijuana or a speck of it.

You know, as far as federal law is concerned. Is that it? That was Atlanta? That's federal. But yeah, it happened in Georgiaorgia in atlanta not in atlanta um i've since moved from from that locale but that was northeast georgia i'm in atlanta now how did they find how did they know you had that much weight um they intercepted a package with half an ounce of marijuana in it at a at a post office. Yeah. You know what's funny is I have a friend of mine who when this whole quarantine thing went down, I was like, what are you doing for money, man? He goes, oh, I'm shipping out wheat.

I was like, what? And he said, nobody at the post office is touching packages. So now's the best time to ship out wheat. And I checked him. I go, you still shipping out wheat. And I checked in with him. I go, you still shipping out weed? He goes, no, no. As soon as people started going back to work,

he was like, but nobody was touching anything. So I was just shipping out weed all across the country. Good for him. Yeah. Entrepreneur. Did I get his name? That's genius until it's not. That'll really buy me some help in my next court session. I thought you wanted to be a customer when you started with that line.

No, I want to narc him out. Is Georgia still not legal-y? No, it's very much not legal. Man, let me tell you. It's very much not legal. North Carolina, me tell you. It's very much not legal. North Carolina, too. It's the Republicans. They're not big fans of the pot.

The pot. They don't like you taking it. You know what? I mean, they are a fan of the economy, right? Yes. To an extent. Because for me, that's the thing. Like, even because the states that have it legal they tax it the tax

on the weed is so fucking high it's billions of dollars yeah it's like it's and just as far if you're a state that has agriculture you're you're you're adding jobs there also like it's really you so help me because i'm coming from a position of ignorance here i feel like pot agriculture isn't like regular agriculture they're not growing it outside in fields and using the same tractors that we use on corn it's like hydro grows and there are outside growths right you don't smoke any outside growing weed though no you don't smoke ditch weed you want my quality pot i'm still okay but here's the deal it's still jobs right you're still opening up an industry

it's still and here's another thing right like you have to be honest with yourself people are people who want weed are gonna get it so do you want them to give the money to people outside of the country or do you want them to give the money to people outside of the country, or do you want them to give money to people legally inside of the country? Those are your options, because if you're going to say, well, we're going to make it illegal so nobody's going to smoke it, that's just... You're kind of preaching to the choir here.

Yeah. We're all on that team. We're all on the pro-pot team. Yes. Even Woody is, and Woody doesn't even... Yeah, I'm on the pro-pot team, but not for me, personally. I'm just pro-leg and Woody doesn't even... Yeah, I'm on the pro pot team, but not for me, personally. I'm just pro legal. How about that? I fly with it.

Hypothetically. Yeah, I've tried vaping on planes. That didn't work too well. They crap upon that. Does it smell, vaping on planes? I thought it would be... Okay. Let me tell you what happened. My friend was planes? I thought it would be like, okay, let me tell you. So my friend was like, I was like, Hey man, cause he hates edibles and I love it.

And, but he likes to be high all the time. And I said, how do you get high on planes? And he said, I actually vape on the plane. And I was like, what? And he said, yeah, you should try it. Now this dude has been known to fuck with me before. So I was like, come on, man. I said, honestly, if you're lying to me, I could go to jail. And you know what he said to me? He goes, there's no jails on planes, dude. I go, yeah, but there are. Genius.

You know what I mean? What are we talking about? He's going to lock you in the laboratory. He told me that he hits it and then he blows it in his shirt yeah so i was flying from l.a to new york and it was a red eye so people were sleeping i looked around it's like two hours in so most people were asleep so i hit it and i blew into my shirt and i was wearing a hoodie and i stuck out my arms just to see if any smoke came out of the sleeves, right? No smoke.

And I was like, oh, this smoke just kind of disappears. Yeah. Awesome. It's almost like a vapor. So I got super high the whole ride. And I landed. And when I landed, the dude who was sitting behind me, the whole flight stood up and goes, hey, man,

I thought you were on fire a couple times. The smoke came out of the back of my neck. He turned the were on fire a couple times. Come out of the back of my neck. I just – he turned the air on me a couple times. He was like, this dude looks hot. You're like steam. I would always do edibles on planes. Woody, why do you wear your hoodie backwards when you fly? No reason.

We would go out to Colorado and we would smoke for like a week or 10 days or something. Colorado or Seattle, somewhere like that. And it would be me and like two or three friends. And a lot of them didn't smoke regularly. So this is like a real vacation for them. It is for all of us to go to a legal state where you can buy edibles like their Snickers bars and get all these fancy pre-rolls and stuff and concentrate that wasn't made by some hillbilly. So when everybody leaves, I would always make sure my flight was the last to leave so that I would have the house to myself after Taylor and Chiz and whoever else was there had already left and taken their own flights and cars back home and trains and Chiz's case.

I would be left with all of their weed that was extra because they can't travel back with it. There would be all these edibles. I'd just get crazy, crazy fucking high. I'd smoke as much of it as I possibly could all the way to the airport. I would get to the airport park and ride place and just

still smoking it in the car. Then finally, I'd just be like, I can't smoke anymore. I'd throw it all away into the trash can, whatever was left, before we actually went into the airport. Then there'd be all these edibles. I'd eat like 100 milligrams of edibles

and then get on that fucking plane. You'd feed it out of your mind. Just so fucked up. just the whole ride back home i there goes my i um i take 100 milligrams of edibles before i do my show on saturday nights always my late show saturday is me with 100 milligrams but wait wait, do you guys not fly with the weed? Are you too nervous to fly into? Obviously, I don't. No, no, no.

We're in Georgia, Missouri, and North Carolina, so no dice for us. I have some more court appearances coming up. So even if I potentially had flown with a bunch of weed before, I wouldn't talk about that. Right, right, right. But I would never do such a thing because that's got to be against some sort of law.

In the first place, lots of good people, lots of smart people all agree he did not do that. He should be able to make funny fucking videos with guns and give the man his guns back. This is insane. This is ludicrous. And I'm not just defending him because his name is FBS Russian. I'm tired of him.

Thank you, Taylor Trump. If we could get... There is a petition to get FBS Russia pardoned. And you know what? We've all learned that petitions totally matter. I bet there's some real class acts who signed that motherfucker.

This was all I will point out to the court that it was signed by a feller whose entire account is just the N-word. Over and over. This is the kind of man that you would like to pardon. That's what would happen. That's what would happen. I guarantee it.

I guarantee it. Like, this man is literally Adolf Hitler. And Stoner number 36,000 has some fascinating takes on our Jewish friends. That's what it is. Just a bunch of degenerates. That's hilarious. Wouldn't go well. Wouldn't go well.

Yeah. What is the point of petitions really once you get past a certain number I think it's 100,000 is that still a thing but they ignore it if they want to oh so it just doesn't matter at all

yeah to me a petition is like writing a letter okay good for you is there a form of masturbation too you type your white house has to give like a a public like response to it i think if it gets past a hundred thousand or something like that i think that's the deal wow that's effective i'm not gonna uncancel spongebob the guy's dead those are the kind of petitions i want to see just stupid nonsense wasting those assholes time bring back spongebob yeah bring back spongebob bring back the sopranos

news to me james gandalf has been dead for eight years now he was a fat fuck but i was watching some people were giving their lists of their top five HBO series ever, and I was stunned to see some people leave The Sopranos out. Now, HBO has a great series, but to leave The Sopranos out of that is like… Agreed. I'm trying to figure out what number one is the wire i'm watching the wire currently i feel like i'm up to date on it after the first season it falls off a bit you're done with the wire yeah i'm actually powering through kind of season four right now like uh you know i'm watching this mayor who wants to be governor making choices that are

kind of corruptish you know trying to capitalize on a homeless issue that's all founded on bullshit and i'm like ah it was so cool when this was about drug dealers yeah see i'm in the same boat with you now because i'm on i think late season three and yeah i if they would have stuck with that same track from season one i think it would have been better especially with the season two doc nonsense. But regardless of that, Sopranos is number one. The wires.

Number one for me, Sopranos, number two, curb your enthusiasm. Probably number three. I love Deadwood, but it was so short, you know,

it left on such a bad note. Yeah. As far as stuff that's been out recently, I like Barry a lot. I like Barry a lot. I like Barry a lot. I think it's really good. I'm looking forward to the third season. Boardwalk Empire falls off a lot after, spoiler alert, spoiler alert,

for Boardwalk Empire, Jimmy Darmody dies. After that happens, I don't really care so much. Yeah. Chernobyl, I don't think you count that as – I think that's a miniseries, but it was incredible. What about Ent entourage i've never seen entourage you know what i by the way for me is a great comedy veep great underrated yes veep is fantastic now i don't know why it's like the same joke again and again. Politicians talking in a way that's way cruder than you'd expect them to.

But I will watch that joke apparently for nine years and like it every time. Every nine years? I don't know. Something like that. It's a really funny show. But I think Deadwood, you didn't like Deadwood? I love Deadwood. I love Deadwood. It just didn't end right.

At the end of season two, they got canceled, so they made one sort of rap episode. And you're like, that's it? There's no three? There needs to be. Then they did the movie. At the end of season two, you've got these two sides. You've got that guy who's moved into town with all of his hired guns, and he's bringing more hired guns. And then you've got all the townspeople Schillinger and everybody has like banded together and there's going to Schillinger and they're going to have a big showdown.

And then there's like, Oh, we got canceled. We, we've got $37,000 to make the final episode. What if, uh, what if we all just say,

what if we just say, fuck it. And, uh, we, uh, we just get on a wagon and we tip our what if we just say, fuck it. And, uh, we, uh, we just get on a wagon and we tip our hat and we just say goodbye and we leave.

How about that? Well, that sounds awful. Oh shit. Cause that's what I wrote. That fit the budget. Yeah. I hear you.

I, I love that. There's one where there's a language barrier. Is it between Schillinger and the Asian guy? Yeah. And they do. They're just like, cocksucker. I don't know what they say, one where there's a language barrier is it between schillinger and the and the asian guy yeah and they do they're just like cocksucker i don't know what they say yeah pretty much they're literally like making hand signals drawing crudely on a on a single page of paper and going cocksucker big cocksucker schillinger schilling up cocksucker wang is and he's of Thrones not on any of your list?

I struggle with it I thought Game of Thrones was literally not just the best HBO show but the best show to have ever been created and then it fell off for seasons 7 and 8 maybe 6, 7 and 8 and kind of like Matrix 3

it was so bad it dented my opinion of previous seasons. Awful. It's absolutely not in my top five HBO shows. Oz is above that. Because even Oz had a fucking wrap-up. They got through the whole story. Try watching Oz and then face down the gun of eight or 20 years yourself

about eight months later. See how that makes you feel? Because that was my situation. I watched Oz, and then like a few months later I got arrested, and my lawyers were like, they're going for the maximum here. I mean, if we get this and that, and they threw all this in, we're looking at like, I mean, that's 10 years minimum just for this one charge. And I'm just like, so it'll be like in a nice place though.

He's like, no. Wait, they call it rape island. It's a federal bang you in the ass prison from office space. If I went to prison, here are a couple of quick rules for me. One, I never would wipe my asshole. Oh, they like that. No toilet paper.

There would be no... I would smell so bad. Top of the show, butt licking. You're in third place, Josh. Carry on. So, as someone who has spent some time in prison i will tell you you are in very close proximity with a lot of men who have been in there for a

very long time and they value cleanliness and orderliness and regimen and if someone has bo and they don't correct it right away they they get beaten up. They will get threatened. Like, hey, you've got to fix this. Do you need deodorant? We can help you. But if you don't, yeah, we can get you some deodorant, bro. We can get you some Aerodextra dry if that's what it takes. I didn't wash my hands once after I took a piss. I got to be talking to.

All right? You've got to be clean in there. All right? Nobody wants you walking around with dirty hands, touching the television set, touching anything. Was the talking to a friend or? Yes. OK. Yes. Someone said something to Snow and Snow came to me. He's like, yo, I heard you didn't wash your hands in the bathroom. And I'm like, I almost always do it. and I'm like, I almost always do it. I guess this morning maybe when I take a piss, you gotta

wash, bro. You gotta wash. They don't like that. And I'm just like, well, I'll wash up good from now on, Snow. You better. You better start washing pissy hands. What's your new name? I wish I could do accents.

Wait. That just blows my idea of how I would survive in prison right out of the water. I wish I could do accents. Wait. That just blows my idea of how I would survive in prison right out of the water. Yeah, it would make it so much worse. It would make it so much worse if you were the dirty guy. No. Yeah. No.

Well, I'd have to think of it. What was your – I'm so curious. Going in, because I'm sure you're like, I've seen jail movies. I've seen – I tried to avoid them like the plague on my way in like it was i never i never spoke up or said a word about it but woody got fascinated with jail youtubers like i was trying to help i was like like and every week he's just terrorizing me that's not true that's not. You didn't mean to, but you were. Every week I'd get off the show and I'd be having a panic attack.

What he had said this week. I watched this guy, his name's Big Herc. And he says, you either fuck somebody day one or you get fucked. I was like, no, no, no. I don't like either of those.

Even now, after 20 years, after getting out of the pen, his shits only take two seconds. And the size of his forearm. It's like a jump truck. Like you're pulling out a bucket of sludge. Just open a hatch on a futuristic spaceship.

You ever see a cement truck when they get it turning and it just... Imagine a fire hose filled with mud. Are there real YouTubers? What? Are there what? Yeah. Oh, there's a whole... Prison inmates who now have YouTube channels. It's a genre.

Prison stories. It's a whole genre. It's really entertaining shit. They tell stories about people getting murdered and beaten and they talk about their workout regimen in prison. Who should I look up? Anybody in particular? Sean Atwood is a real good one.

He came on our show, had fantastic stories, Sean Atwood. And he might be the one exception to this, so it's funny that I brought him up. But the Venn diagram of people who are really into steroids and TRT and people who got out of prison, it's just a circle. It's the same people. There was one of these. There is.

I watched on my Twitch stream. Taylor Merck, follow me. On my Twitch stream, I watched this giant, jacked as fuckuck white dude who was probably part of one of the Aryan gang. Wes Watson? That might be his name. I don't recall. But I was watching the video. It was like a 12-minute video,

and it was just him disjointedly ranting about it. Was he shirtless? He was shirtless. That's Wes Watson. Yeah, he never wears a shirt. He has a goatee, made sunglasses. Very intense! Yes! When you're in prison, you've got to do burpees until you don't want to do burpees anymore and then you do more burpees because that's how life is and have you ever you know and on stream it's different most people don't

stream but like there's one of those things where i'm like four minutes five minutes six minutes into this 12 minute video and i'm like thinking so hard i'm like what's he saying like what is the point of this i have to ask my chat and be like am i alone does anyone know what he's talking about right now and everyone's like i have not a fucking clue dude like he's just been going off about the mashed potatoes in jail and then he's talking to he says racism and cops and just a total nonsense total nonsense way to go down that rabbit hole i i i i can't believe i've lived this long and i didn't know that was something on youtube i i i'm fascinated dude i would go what he tells wes watson. Wes Watson and Sean Atwood are polar opposites, right? Sean Atwood was the guy who was never really cool. He was like a financial guy.

I think he was a trader on Wall Street or something like that. Then he became this Mali dealer kingpin, and his attraction was never the money. Although he made great money, it was really that he was popular. He'd walk in a party, and the whole party was like, dude, this is the king of ecstasy was never the money although he made great money it was really that he was popular he was that he'd walk in a party and the whole party was like dude this is the king of ecstasy or whatever the fuck he was and i know somebody just like that in who lived here but we used to call him mr good time and called mr good time and mr good time went to jail but he didn't but he didn't he was not in it for the money he would tell he was not in it for the

money he would tell you i just like it that you guys are so happy to see me when i show up and i was always like hey man we're not really happy to see you just what's in your pocket you know what i mean like you just threw that shit through the window this guy like this guy was never invited to cuddle puddles before he was the king of molly at raves right so yeah yeah that's why he did it and then he spent years and years in jail and as a non like jack superhuman he had to use a whole different set of techniques and relationships and stuff to thrive in prison wes watson he was a shot caller the second you see this guy you'll be like oh yeah he could beat me up for sure and uh he's all he yells everything he says everything he says is intense

and it's yelling he doesn't always have a solid point but he does a lot of fucking burpees because burpees are the key to life and he finds he fashions he um fashions himself as a motivational speaker right now and he's like if i could survive 10 years in prison i could tell you how to get ahead in life and i'm over here like oh fuck me thought, I tell you this. He's one of those guys that if I had a real life conversation with him, I just nod and agree. Yes. Everything. I was like,

Hey, you gotta be doing this motherfucker. You gotta be doing this, man. And I'm just like, absolutely. Can you stop bouncing around so much? You're stressing me out.

I'm really scared. His name is Wes Watson. Yes. And he, he even filmed yes the video i watched it even filmed it from the side with like the sun shining through a window so you could see through shadows and texture how absolutely massive this man he's so vascular is he hitting bluetooth before he records the video to just fucking put a little pump on? Yeah. I dare you to suggest to that guy he needs a pill to get hard.

I have him on the show and 3,000 miles away. People are getting heart disease and the fear in another man's eyes. Yeah. yeah he i guess it's calisthenics and and i i don't know if he's on steroids or not but let me ask like somebody who is during this quarantine and i've always been a complete gym rat but one thing i found out about myself is you know what i can't do is work out at my house. I have zero, zero. I can't do it for whatever reason, maybe because of the refrigerators right there or whatever, or I'm not going somewhere. You just don't want to do it. I just can't. I don't have the mental capacity to focus here at the house. I haven't worked out since... I'm a five or...

I was a five or six day a week guy. March 15th is the last day I worked out. Is it just you can't break the seal? You can't just step into the gym and start doing the stuff at home? It's what? I said break the seal. I didn't realize I had a code that I slipped in there.

Is it about dicks going into pussy? It's about when you've got like any pussy and they, and they spread it, they break the seal. I was half right. If I'm your teacher, you get partial credit on this answer. Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. You're the starburst retard. Can I have a pink one? I don't like red it's gonna be pink in all seriousness though fuck off with your red starburst give me the pink ones but anyway josh yeah you were saying you can't get the motivation to work out i can't get the motivation to work out like this is what i I've found out. If I was just at my house, one, I re I have realized that I shower more for other people than I do for myself.

Yes. Like I, if I bet you, I am a every on a good week during quarantine. If I shower every two days, I feel like that's a pretty good week. I had a work call where I accidentally left the Zoom. First of all, if you have your settings as a Zoom meeting operator set to automatically enable camera, fuck you. Fuck you. I had to call in, and it was like I hadn't showered that day. I think I had worked out in the morning that day, and I still hadn't showered, and I had to hop on a call at like 9 or whatever, and it automatically turned on, and I looked like a reanimated corpse for about three seconds before I was able to.

And also, you know, what's not fun on a work call where you're like a consultant for a company. So this is fucking nonsense. Like, oh, you like Joker and King of the Hill? Do you idiot? It looks like you're doing. Who's that fellow back there in the hat it really looks like your friend it looks like you're doing the podcast from the break room at a spencer's gifts you're that guy who's like a streamer and does zoom meetings at work like did you have the blue lighting on and everything with a heartbeat at that point no it was so early in the morning that i had this pulled back so the the light could come

in from outside so i i didn't have the i also can't picture you disheveled your hair is a quarter inch long how messed up was it it was more just like the waking up early working out right away and just showing up just sweat like still sweaty i was wearing the same shirt i worked out in like the the bib of sweat like it oh not necessarily disheveled but that's a good look you can gross that inspires confidence you should have taken your shirt off like wes watson and yelled all meeting yeah show up to the meeting because that's how I imagine Mark Wahlberg shows up to his meetings, too. Just worked out, sweat. I think that

you're either going to scare people or they're going to be like, this motherfucker is for real. Just come in there like, ha ha, see mother. I think that guy just had a seizure. Look at him. I like that move. Looks on well.

Cotas in between Put your L on the second shelf Let me do a real quick ad read here This episode of PK is brought to you by our good friends over at Squarespace. From personal blogs and e-commerce destinations to marketing tools and analytics that'll help your business succeed, Squarespace is the all-in-one platform where you can build and establish a beautiful online presence and run your business with ease. Don't have a domain yet? No problem. your business with ease. Don't have a domain yet?

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I pressed my hardware mute button so they wouldn't hear me typing. But we have a couple guys uh tombia io larry the strong and the third clothing co.com we're going to choose a winner and pimp them on the show i have to send it to chis i think and uh awesome i hope larry wins if if i have any vote i will not care how good the others are and i'll just pick larry that's why i'm not voting, because Larry's my friend. Yeah, Larry's my friend. I love Larry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Larry's a great guy. Check out Larry the Strong on Twitch. We'll pimp him even if he doesn't win. But yeah. We love Larry. Go watch Larry. But yeah, so if you guys built a website with the PKA thing,

then hit me up on Twitch or something, and I'll enter you in the comp, and then have someone else pick the winner. Yeah, and that really kind of applies, not that specific sort of winner and loser type thing, but if you use any of our sponsors to do anything, you send us a picture or something, we'll give you a little

time on the show in some way or another. If you do something funny with some smart mouth or something. Yeah, you do something funny with mouthwash, get your teeth clean, send us that. If you have a really hard dick from Blue Chew, tweet us a picture of that. We want to see that penis.

I just don't want to see it. I want to see it performing. And I'm not talking about sexually. I want you to tie weights to the head of it and stand and show that you're supporting large amounts of weight. Use fishing line for that.

I think it's going to be a video, and I think you've got to push it down and then let it go and then hear the snapback. I want you to try and fire a cashew into your own mouth. That's it. You know you want me over. Regular M&M on the penis and launch it for distance. I'd love to see that.

If your girlfriend can stand way back behind you and you flick it over your shoulder. No, no, no, no. This is just a guy's video thing. Just the boys. No girls. For Taylor, no girls. And you know what's funny, Josh? This is going to fucking happen.

The subreddit is going to be filled with peanut M&Ms on penises. To be sure we get this, on this video, you just want guys and dicks, right? Whoever can get the most M&Ms inside their foreskin gets a specialized thank you video from Taylor. I will sign off to that. He is so signed off. I signed off. It'll be a Twitch clip. No big deal. It's so signed off. It'll be a Twitch clip.

No big deal. It will be a Twitch clip. Probably. Speaking of which, you know what? First of all, I, the people,

the emotes people send me are hilarious. They're sending me now ones where it's just my face Photoshop to look even more retarded. And they're adding more and more space between the eyes, which is, which is very fucking funny but also twitch twitch removed my epstein emotes they removed my trump emotes like that was very disappointing they uh i had one called chillery clinton it was her with a fake beard and goatee on and sunglasses it was very flattering for her frankly but no no more chillery clinton no more epstein no more trump shocked by that blown away wait yeah drone and they took him down yeah i had i had a fan someone make all the emotes for me and i'm like i'm adding all the funny ones these are great and then they were up for like a week and a half two weeks and then i logged on the other night and

everybody's like where the fuck are the epstein emotes where are the trump emotes gone gone and everybody's like, where the fuck are the Epstein emotes? Where are the Trump emotes? Gone. Gone. It stinks. Very much stinks because those were some good faces. Those were some good reactions, especially the Trump ones.

By the way, I can't get over the fact that I've never thought about using my dick as a catapult. Like, I can't believe I've never tried to put something on it and shoot it i want you to know that i will be doing you just know that for at least 20 minutes tonight somewhere in california that's happened i hope some inventive motherfucker hooks a hammock on it and makes a trebuchet somehow yeah you know what you know what god you know tipper gore and reagan said they said someone who's with both hands busy shooting peanut M&Ms with their penis into their mouth. No hands left to do drugs.

Well, for me, I'm not calling peanut M&Ms cause I don't want to chip a tooth, but I will go gummy bear. You know, next level thing. Yeah. That's actually smarter.

Yeah. 80% sure. This guy's doing edibles with his penis catapult. I mean, it's not tamales. I'm 80% sure this guy's doing edibles with his penis catapult. I'm using hot tamales. I'm feeling dangerous. Oh, yeah. Put it right in the pee hole. That way it sits there.

Whoever gets the most chili peppers in their foreskin gets featured on Taylor's stream. I want to see a whole theme-based one where someone builds Minas Tirith, and then they're using their penis to launch gobs at it. Oh my god. Break the walls. That's so good. By the way, you guys, we have just created a new channel on Pornhub where people

gotta dress their dicks up like Vikings and just fire. That's a subreddit. It's called Cockplay? No, that's just fire thing. That's a subreddit. It's called Cockplay? You've shown me this. It's like penis dressed up as...

They dress their penises up. I'll find it. I'll just Google dressed up penises. I'm sure it'll come up. I can't wait to see what comes up with dressed up penises. They've got them wearing little cause penis. It's called cause penis. Oh my god. my god well i'm gonna have to look that up immediately cos penis yeah it's cos penis um they've got they've got their cocks and all these cute little outfits it's it's really

funny sometimes they're not even hard are they it varies everybody's doing different stuff like and and various levels of effort are going to him. This guy's just got big googly eyes on his pubic area with his dick hard. This number one guy popular right now, all he did was ruin a perfectly good character.

All he did was stick his dick in the middle of a cake. That guy needs to go to the doctor. That's a coloration i haven't seen that's a white man i got you taken care of bro yeah thank you thank you that's uh that's just a hard dick with googly eyes boo don't scroll down to the the the the disgusting one who's got you're like which one the uh the one who's got like the the the the plant in his belly button the plant is, that guy needs to hit the gym.

What is that red bolus thing over there? It looks like it's mad at me. No, he's talking about that growth to the top right. Yeah, I don't know what that is either.

Do you see the one dressed like Alf? Yeah, that's hilarious. That's actually pretty good. That's a pretty funny one. This one's got his wristwatch tied around his cock. I don't get that. I think he's just showing off his girth at this point. All I can think is you've got little wrists, bro.

Wow. I gotta tell you. He's got a Patriot helmet on it. That's great. The Alf one is legit. Look at the one where they're making it look like the actress Without looking I want you guys to guess How many members in this community

Oh alright Without looking 750 Oh I was gonna go 13,000 Wait how many members in the community I'm gonna say 20 to go 13,000. Wait, how many members in the community? Yeah. I'm going to say 20,000. 23,000. Almost 24,000 members.

Dude, did you see the Quaker Oats one? I see the Quaker Oats one. I wish I could show this to my stream. Look at the eggplant one where he's painted his shaft purple. Did you see the incredible? Oh, is that eggplant? It was incredible hawk to me, but eggplant, I see it. This one has nothing to do with even penises dressing up.

This is a shot from an old Star Wars movie with C-3PO standing in the desert, and it says, this heat must be messing with my senses. R2, you're much taller than I remember. And next to him in place of R2 is just an erect penis. There is no effort. R2, it's just a penis. The disparity in effort is my favorite part.

Here's the guy who just put a tiny sombrero on his penis. Come on him now. This guy just put his dick to the side of a Quaker. That was funny. The Quaker was so funny. The guy who cut out the toucan's beak on the Froot Loops

thing and stuck his dick through it. He stuck his dick through it. Oh my god. This guy has photoshopped his penis onto Donald Trump's body standing giving the State of the Union in front of Nancy Pelosi and the fucking Vice President.

Mike Pence, yeah is there's one dressed like a pilgrim i like that one that top hat oh some of these people are so out of shape oh no this is this guy this guy put leaves in the base of his penis and put a triceratops mini miniature figure next to it and then put a big dinosaur mask on his dick and it says, welcome to Jurassic Brick. This guy put a small cowboy hat on his dick and said look at me, I'm Woody.

This is a hilarious subreddit. Yeah, I post on here all the time. If you don't think I'm going to check in here on Halloween, you're crazy. Yeah, that's the golden hour. These are amazing. Dude, this is a great one. I just got to the toucan one, and that's great. When you get down to the six-pack of eggs,

and he puts his two testicles in the thing, it's outstanding. Some of them are just so low effort. This is just a penis riding a tiny skateboard. And then other ones, it's like, oh my God, how much time did you spend? This guy did story time with the boys. It's kind of low effort, but he put a pair of googly eyes on his dick, a pair on each testicle, and the dick is clearly reading a book to his two children. This gentleman just has an erection with a face mask on it

and it says, staying safe. This is just a penis. This man has done nothing. I'm going to link you to the... This guy... Oh, okay, I see what he did. Again, I'm linking a penis. This guy's just coming on an english

muffin this guy is outstanding there's not even a costume i don't know what's i don't know the intended use of this picture book this man has but he's cut it out and he flips the pages and his dick sticks out it's a it's the monkey's banana it's the fish hook it's the monkey's banana. It's the fish hook. It's the space alien's nose. It's a hot dog and a bun. Have you seen it? This guy's great. I got to tell you something. This guy's in the middle of coming. I'm sorry.

You were going to dress up your dick. What costume? I know what costume I would go for. I think I would go Forrest Gump. Hello, Jeff. With a white suit on the bench. I'm doing frankenstein and he will rise from the dead oh right flaccid erect bam wakes up wakes up i mean i was gonna steal an idea from here and just do like a squidward nose that'd be funny yeah i mean it's there's i i will say that there are more options after looking at that page

than i thought there were gonna be story time with the boys was good this guy's penis has a straw and it's doing a line of coke oh my god go to the number 67 top post i'm not doing that on page three it's it's the picture where elliot in et is about to take off instead of et space under the shawl see that's et And he says, E.T. Bone Home. This guy put his very large black penis in a hot dog bun and then dressed it with ketchup and mustard. What do you think the overlap between our subreddit and this is? Probably more than you think.

This subreddit's about to have 30 000 40 000 members yeah the dude who just has his dick on a skateboard yeah i just saw that i saw tony cock oh man this is yeah i love this this is so funny i'm so glad we discovered this together because i'm gonna be looking at this by myself for too long oh man and some of these are just i think that's a sailor moon outfit yeah it is it is okay i really appreciate the effort that some of these people went through i think some of them deserve a little extra credit. But you can't just... I think that they should start to maybe edit it out.

Some of the ones that just have glasses on it, we want you to go, yeah, you know what? I was depressed. I thought I'd see a Princess Leia with the fucking... Hey, you scroll far enough, you're going to see everything. I hope so. Yeah, they need better moderation over on cause penis

yeah no i think they're doing a good job i'm going top of all time oh my god the top of all time is a really high effort donald trump really yeah this thing is outstanding he's in the oval office they made a desk He's in the Oval Office. They made a desk. He's got the hair. Oh, he even made his dick. I have these downloaded on my phone. Yeah, yeah. What? It's a calendar. Yeah.

It's a calendar. Yeah. He's got a book that says, I love Putin on the... Yeah, I have the full calendar. I send them to people at random. Holy sh... Yeah, look at the snowman at the end. Hilarious.

Wow. Go to July. is that the mermaid let me see no oh yeah did you see the one where the guy has his erect penis and his and he's got like a mean karate face on the head of it and on his like belly area he has two blocks with a popsicle stick strung across them. His girlfriend pulls his penis down and cocks it and then releases it. And the karate guy snaps the popsicle stick. And the face on the penis. Where is this posted?

It's the second one, top of all time. Yeah. Look how determined the face is. And it's got a little karate bandana. That would be the best one, right? It's just got a popsicle stick. You better marry that girl because she was down for this. The third of all time is funny, too.

It took me a second to find the dick. It takes a second to find the dick. The way his dick face is so angry, you're right. Yeah. That's great. What a cool chick. Oh, I just realized fourth of all time. Is that what it's fourth or fifth of all time?

Private dick? Yep. He's got the detective hat on. He's got an overcoat on. Should have used a yellow coat. It's Dick Tracy. This is the real time guy. He made some delicious looking corn made a a pecan pie

fucking baked beans all of it mashed potatoes just to stick his dick in a bun and put mustard on it if you scroll down a little bit you see the egg one i was talking about i do i love that the user is i touched your sis the the one from on the top it's from three years ago that says, this is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Did you see that? Yes. That looks crazy. But I'm like, oh, that dude looks tough. That guy's got

an intense looking cock. Holy shit. All right. Oh, the snowman one. All right. The snowman one is... Oh, well, Jesus. Here's Peppa Pig as a penis. The guy in the ugly sweater competition is pretty good.

I think we may have... I think we got to stop. We have to stop. I wish we could be showing you guys these cocks. Right. Yeah. We need some sort of patron level where they get like the X rated show where they get that 10 or 20 minutes. We have to cut out every wake up tale just going on his racist rants and all the nudity and everything.

I will say that that is a page I don't think and I've thought of some pretty fucked up things. I don't think I ever thought I would see that in my life. What's that? Cause penis thing? To cause penis. Reddit has gotten rid of a lot of the

really crazy stuff. Have they? I feel like they didn't get rid of anything sex related just yeah they got rid of all the people fucking animals and uh they got rid of all the dead children i think that's fascism and uh they got rid of all the um all the jailbait stuff oh no faux bait is still there don't worry f-a-A-U-X-B-A-I-T. You're writing it down good. I see that. I'm just playing with my watch. I was trying to write it down. It's in its favorites. Faux bait. Gotcha.

Alright. Yeah, no, they didn't get rid of faux bait. But then they got rid of all the racist ones. Some of the names of which I can't even repeat. They got rid of Molly Girls. I heard a story about Molly Girls. There was a whole internet genre about Molly Girls.

So basically the premise of it is they give these girls Molly. I've never used Molly or been around people who have, but I guess it makes you horny. Me either, but I bet it's a fuck ton of fun. So the question was... I would guess. He would just imagine that it's so much fun. I imagine it's an enormous amount of fun.

Yeah, I went through a couple years where that was my phase. So they make it seem like girls who do molly like the venn diagram between them and girls who engage in group sex is just a circle and uh and there was like it got taken down from the whole internet because people are like can they even consent they're high like are these girls doing like are they regretful the next day where are are they on this thing? You can't really find Molly Girl content. I read about it after it was gone. It was a big story.

Didn't even know it was a thing. I got a Plex I could link you to. It does not titillate me though. I'm interested. What the fuck? Everybody's like, oh, not for me. Girls having sex count me out.

No, thank you. It's safe in this day and age. You guys keep your hot-ass lesbian sex. I'm going to watch guys do blackface on their penises. Thank you very much. Look, Woody, I'm still

down to do that consent app that we were talking about the other day. It's genius. Taylor made it seem like it was not cool. Taylor's a jabroni. Don't listen to him. We'll cut him right out. Yeah.

All right? All right? I'll market it. You create it. And look, both partners put their thumbprint down, right? The phone has that. And it's a fucking legal contract right there right a bunch of check boxes to things we're down for yeah are you submit consenting not submitting yeah submitting and consenting that might be a different form to like oral copulation anal copulation maybe some

foreign objects bringing it just just find the list of charges against Ron Jeremy and use those as your basis. By the way, I think that's a great idea for now, but here's my question. When people sign a consent form, do you know going in what people are consenting to?

Do you know what I mean? That's what these checkboxes are. That's the list that he just gave. Oral, anal, vaginal, foreign objects objects she thumbprints next to everything she's down for she checks it she does a little digital signature just like you can do like like when you're fucking working your bank account on your phone and she scans her fucking thumbprint you're like yes and maybe you you know get you know fucking face thing and everything just to be safe. It should be like a grocery shopping app where it remembers your previous orders and says, oh, same thing as last week. You want to order again? Fuck yeah.

Yep. Yep. Reorder. Reorder. It's a great idea. We don't have – no, no, no, no. No piss play. No, no, no.

That did not work out. You guys are winning me over. Great idea. What's the name of it? Oh. Oh. Give me a couple minutes. I'll come up with something good.

Yeah, I need my Twitch chat to brainstorm with me on this one. By the way, the consent app is not terror as a placeholder. It's not because it's right there. It tells you exactly what that is. It's a phone app, right?

Remember that Carly Jessman song, Call Me Maybe? That's my working title. Call Me Maybe. Call Me Maybe. I think you broke out the tune. Careful. We're going to get struck. We maybe we could get her as a spokesperson maybe she can be part of it

I'm probably Ray Jepsen and something that really grinds my gears is rape one of my top three least favorite things rape is up there this app will make sure that... Oh my god.

No, I think we need to market it toward bros, right? There's a whole commercial with a bunch of bros locked up now. He's like, she said she was down, but the next day, not so much. Dun dun. And then he's behind bars. He hit him with the Law and Order music.

Me and my buddy were just trying to get each other off and we always had a problem. That's until the consent app came around. We could just check the no homo box. Now you can get your friends off anytime you want. Hey buddy, ready to bust a load? What if you combine the consent

app with a dating app so you know going in if you guys are simpatico right so you're like why tonight i'm just looking for oral and whatever and so you that is part of what you're swiping yes that's how women love to start conversations. Yes. Does Grindr do that? Kyle, does Grindr do that? Do they have you check top or bottom? I'm glad you laughed at that. What is it? Kyle, I remember better.

An otter versatile, where you can top and bottom and do both. You can generate a tremendous amount of power from the bottom. A twank versatile. A twank versatile. That's what it was, yeah. Oh, man. Always sunny classic. Yeah, no, this is a good idea.

This is a good idea. You know that there is a T-minus six months before the creator of an app like this is indicted on rape charges. No! We don't... I mean, look, we stand behind our app. Yeah.

We don't... We don't buckle into it or anything, you know what I mean? Like, we stand behind... Like, you do a race car, you slap it on the hood, and we're like, yeah! It's gonna do great! You don't get behind the wheel! You're not a race car driver You're not qualified

I have a committed relationship With myself That is how it would go genuinely If this was a real consent app There would be some big court thing Where the founder of the app would have to come forward And they'd be like Have you ever yourself used the app

And you'd have to be like Absolutely not The vile ever yourself used the app and you have to be like absolutely not the the vile monsters that are not at all reminiscent of the company at large that is not what we stand for and uh and we we agree with you how is it vile monster i'm missing what's so monstrous about this they're just communication they're getting on the same page i'm going over taylor what are you cutting off this girl's finger and getting a print like what's your plan on this you always need someone to take the other side that's how you make content

i think it's a genuinely good idea for that i i i'm telling you right now i think you should copyright that right now because there are some college campuses that are asking students to fill out to sign consent stuff before they hook up to you with paper like neanderthals yeah like like yeah old school stuff with pens and shit. Like, who has those? But you guys could get right to it. Everybody has the consent. It comes when you're a freshman. You get a free consent app. Come on. Should we prioritize this over our tax avoidance religion we were going to create?

I genuinely think this would be more lucrative. I did, too. Kyle, you're muted. You're still muted, Kyle. I did too. I'm muted. And I've stolen the idea. Stolen the idea. No, we'll see what somebody else thinks of it though. Hey, try out this new app, Groper. Basically, you could sit and walk into a dark room.

You don't know who's in there or what they're going to do. It's crazy. It's just a bunch of dudes who miss prison. One of your brokers here. You know who the person is for this app? Wes Watson. We don't talk shit about Wes Watson. Hey my app or I'll fucking murder you. Download my app or I'm going to talk to you

for eight minutes without blinking and scare you. I want to have him on the show. His eyes are reptilian. They blink sideways. I don't want him to know where I live. He'll tell stories. He'll be like, you know, so I had the list telling me what all the new arrivals at the prison had done. You know, had to check up on their paperwork, right?

Find out if there's any child molesters so we can murder them. Well, anyway, the list was on me and the guards started coming around. So I had to hoop it. Oh yeah, hooping. That's when you shove it up your asshole. No big deal because, you know, I just twist the list up and I put it in something so it goes in nice and smooth. But I saw this one guy and I looked and he was trying to hoop a nine-inch commando knife. And I looked and the blade was hanging out his ass crack.

It went in handle first, of first of course well he couldn't take nine inches so at least three or four of blade were just hanging out his ass crack poking through his underwear and i said that ain't gonna work home this is like one of his regular i literally remember that story i remember it as a piece of rebar that they had sharpened into a shank and when the cops checked him he bent over and there's pointy rebar that they had sharpened into a shank, and when the cops checked him, he bent over, and there's pointy rebar sticking out of his anus, and she's like, and he's like, you know, you laugh at this,

but you can't get caught, so you do your best, and he did his best, and he got caught. I hope they animate that story and put it online. Oh, that's where he's missing out. He needs his shit animated. He also needs someone to tell him how to tell a story better because he's not very good at it.

Just some cliff notes to flow. Yeah. He needs to tell me the story and then let me tell him how to tell the story and then tell the story again because he gets sidetracked and starts, but really, well, forget about all that cool shit I was telling you about murdering. What you really want to do is get your life in order.

And I'm like, I'm doing okay. I want to hear about the murder. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to talk to him and ask him why he thinks he's qualified to help me get my life in order. I'd fucking dare you. Well, I need to rephrase it a little bit. But he kind of does this thing where he's like,

I did 10 years in the hole with that level of success. I think I could be a motivational speaker and life coach. And I'm like, huh did 10 years in the hole. With that level of success, I think I could be a motivational speaker and life coach. And I'm like, huh? 10 years in prison? Like, life coach now? You could be my fitness coach. I see where that's coming from. Well, let me ask you.

What I'm also real good at, Woody, flights to North Carolina. I'm going to be doing purpose. North Carolina? I live in... I don't have such a pump when I get there. I'm going to be so vascular when I knock on your door. I'll take a blue chew on my way just to give you the bonus package.

Right before every video, he's fucking knocking out 50 fucking curls. He has to be. And he's flex before every video, he's fucking knocking out 50 fucking curls. He has to be. And he's flexing all video. He's just grrr. Is he jacked? What if you accuse him of that? And he went, oh, you think I'm flexing?

And he just went, urgh. And his clothes just went boom. What clothes? What have you ever seen him do a video with clothes on? I've never seen him with shirts on. It's manning everything into my shirt. But he's jacked. Go down the rabbit hole and watch these videos.

They're really good, dude. You'll like them. I'm going to go back and forth between those videos and people dressing up their dicks all night. No, I'm going all dick dressing up tonight. Oh, yeah. I don't blame you. All night. Now I'm going all dick dressing up tonight. I think that's the halfway point of the show, by the way. But let me do this ad real quick.

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I use it every day, twice a day. Never have bad breath silence usually pretty good for the podcast i was like why are we playing silence chicken this has never happened before 490 can stand up here i don't care i don't be silenced in a podcast i think i think anybody's listening is like they're going they're going like this right like during that silence they were like what the fuck what was that part one i need to flip the tape the tape wow even Kyle ages himself now and then yeah

I was like well maybe they do this maybe they just go silent for 30 seconds for no reason no that's never 497 episodes we've never had a silent chicken you guys had a 30 second silence we did I don't know why oh i would have been way too uncomfortable i would have ruined it i'm glad i was i was peeing maybe we could

have used you i thought it was i was like it's after the ad read maybe they're putting something together just wait how's your quarantine going man know what? I do not mind social distancing. What I've found is that like... It's fantastic. Yeah, that part of it doesn't bother me too much. I would like to be able to get out there. I love doing stand-up. I'm doing my first stand-up this weekend in Phoenix.

Cool. But I love stand-up. But I got to tell you, man, I don't, I don't hate being at home. You know, now there are some things that I, you know,

there's, you really find out a lot about people that you thought you knew a lot about. Like I'm a married, I've been married for a long time, but I've never spent 24 hours a day every day with her. You know been married for a long time. But I've never spent 24 hours a day every day with her. I travel a lot.

So it's like, oh, we've really learned a lot about each other. Do you know what I mean? Have you always chewed that loudly? Or is that just... Have you always been a cunt? But I'm sure she does the same for me. Like you just start to, I will tell you this also, there is a level of honesty that being with somebody 24 hours a day,

you're just forced to have, you're just forced to be a hundred percent easy because you can't hide anything. I feel bad for the people who went into quarantine in a new relationship because man i don't want to shit in front of you one month in you know what i mean but you're in quarantine so i think a lot there was a lot of things that accelerated real fast my my with my girlfriend and i because they're while in quarantine i've like literally said like i gotta go take a fucking growler yeah i don't expect me for eight to ten minutes this is gonna be a mission i'm on a romantic taylor yeah fire the town she's like oh yeah that makes me want to suck your dick a lot and it's like well right now one need is very urgent, and that's evacuating my bowels.

Yeah. Yeah, it changes. You can't hide. You can't put on the brave face all day long. So you're forced just to be as honest as you can. And I know some people's relationships that were not built on honesty. So they've had a real struggle during quarantine, you know? I have totally stopped holding in my farts. Totally stopped.

Wait, how long did you do that? Like two and a half years or so. You were still holding in farts two and a half years in? No, no. I'm saying, well, you know, saying that it was some deluge of farts i was finally releasing isn't so so true i was definitely farting on her in her sleep and things like that because who cares but now like if i have a big one one that's going to kind of

resonate make my my windows shake a bit like i i just release it i don't i don't i can we call it keeping the magic alive and uh which is not to say that i've never farted in front of my wife we've been married 25 ish years something like that but uh but yeah but wait a second and if she ever i'm such a fucking hypocrite because i'll fully admit if she ever she hasn't so far but if she ever released a fart in front of me i'd be like that is disgusting what is wrong with you you don't fart in front of her but you don't mind telling her she's getting fat you know we're classy hey get your fat ass just a heads up i threw away all your jeans because you look like a retard. Yeah, I've been farting in front of...

I didn't fart in front of my wife for a little while when we were dating. And then she said, I think it's okay if you do. And then a week later, she was like, I'm sorry I told you. I've never farted in front of a woman in my life. I don't fart. Who said that they fart on their wife in their sleep? Yeah, I'll do that. Oh, man.

For me, that's a waste. She loves it. It's a waste. I want people to appreciate my farts. Hold on to farts like they're currency. If I have to, I do it. It's a waste. You're waste. I want people to appreciate my farts. Hold on to farts like they're currency. If I have to, I do it. If I don't, I don't. No, I'm not doing my currency.

No, the closest I've ever came to farting in front of a girlfriend, I was in the living room and she was in the kitchen and I silently farted in the living room. And right as I did, she came in and got really close to me to tell me something. And I had to be like, I just farted and it's going to be awful. Run.

And she went, she went, and ran away. You know what a fun magic trick is? You know, social distancing, working from home now. But if you want someone to come into a conference room or office that you're occupying alone, or if you don't want someone to come in, rather, just fart. Someone will come in imminently. And there have definitely been

times that I've been like the first one in the conference room at some fucking Marriott where I'm meeting up with clients, and I just squeeze out a foul beast, a fucking a smog, the dragon, a fart. And it's like, oh, it's 8.56. Doesn't start until 9.10 we'll be fine

big fart immediately hey didn't know you'd be here also and it's like oh no it kind of smells in here though I don't know the only way to do it is you have to preempt it and be like man it smells like someone farted real bad at 30 to 40 seconds.

Someone with a really horrible diet. I don't know. I'm sure this is some weird AC issue that's going to resolve imminently. I do not hold farts as currency. I don't want to waste them if they're not having effect. If I know I'm going to be getting in an elevator sometime that day i make sure i have one because i love being the only one in an elevator farting and watching people come on i love watching them play the guessing game like trying to decide who it is like all that stuff makes me really happy.

I, if you're wasting your farts on yourself, like why are you punishing yourself? I mean, I'm not punishing myself. I get a lot more enjoyment of releasing the fart than I do suffering from smelling the fart. You know,

like you get that nice release of pressure. Yeah. I like to, I like to. I'm a girthier gentleman. I bet our diets are vaguely reminiscent of one another's. We both eat food. But,

uh, yeah, you're probably not quite as much of a fucking food hound as I am. You know, it depends how many joints I've smoked. The amount of red meat I eat? Oh, yeah. You got into grilling, right?

Is that related to the grilling hobby that you picked up? Yeah, that's part of it. And it has allowed me to totally rationalize eating any and every kind of meat. It was like the third day in a row where I was talking to my girlfriend and i was like hey do you need anything from the store uh i'm gonna run out there she's like what

are you getting i'm like i'm gonna get a whole rack of ribs because i want to try grilling and smoking them and she's like oh you're on again tonight are we it's like yeah yeah i want to make i want to make five pounds and then you'll fall asleep before me, and then I will like a little piggy at 10, 30, 11 at night, I'm going in there and I'm warming up the ribs, and guess what? I'm glazing those motherfuckers in Stubb's extra spicy sauce. It's going to be fantastic. Stubb's is good.

Does Stubb's do that sugar-free stuff? I don't know. I don't remember the exact name of the kind I had, but it was like their spicy and tangy sauce. Very good. Yeah. Somebody makes a zero-calorie barbecue sauce that's really good.

That's crazy. Yeah. Have I seen you drinking some of those Zevias? Is that what you're holding up? Yeah, that's all I drink. Yeah. Yeah. I like the cola, but I'm a Zevia fan also. I order from Amazon, so I get the rainbow pack,

and I get like two of every single flavor, and I just put it on that like re-thing. Amazon just sends me another one every month. Yeah. Yeah, cream soda is the way to go with those. Really? They're all good. I like them all.

Yeah, I like the orange. The lemon lime, the cherry cola, all that stuff. Cherry cola not – cherry cola tastes a little Robitussin-y to me. I like the orange. The cherry cola, all that stuff. Cherry cola tastes a little Robitussin-y to me. I like the Robitussin. I'm as close as I get to being high these days. The lemon lime one is fucking terrible. It tastes like just a complete bastardization

of Sprite or 7-Up. I got surgery next Thursday, and I'm so looking forward to being high because finally I get some hard drugs. It's almost worth the surgery. It is worth the surgery. So looking forward to being high because finally I get some hard drugs. It's almost worth the surgery. It is worth the surgery. You get to call yourself a cancer survivor.

That's cool. I hope you've learned from my lessons. If they ask how you're doing, Kyle, you are scared and you are nervous. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, they're going to be operating on my fucking eye. So I think they're going to juice me up real good. I don't know if you guys can hear it. One of my motherfucking neighbors

is weed whacking at 830 at night. What an asshole. He's stupid. The man... What would Hank Hill say? You know, he's a fan of the show. That's the kind of man I respect. That's the kind of man who has a yard

worth envying. Bobby, take notice of him. My dad. I've got a little bit of cancer in my eye. They're going to do this eyelid surgery and remove a bit of it. It's going to be fun. Take a wedge out, close it back up

and no more cancer. Obviously, they put you out out because no? No. They already went in, and there was a very small mole, like the size of a pinhead on my eyelid, like right on the edge of it. It had cropped up over the course of like a year. And they took that off, and I was fully awake. They just –

From that? and they took that off and I was fully awake. They just they put two shots of lidocaine in my eyelid and it was like the most painful thing. One of the most painful things I've ever done in my life and I've had third degree burns before. They stuck the syringe into my eyelid

and he's like, alright, little pinch and I just remember going all right i think you did this wrong i like if they had told me no what are you going to be awake and you're gonna be watching the whole thing i'd be like you know what i'm not the guy for that no i volunteered for that yeah yeah bad call i'd have been like it is in your interest and my interest for me to get some propital or whatever the fuck that shit is i i man right here yeah yeah very rarely take drugs over here and seizes those opportunities right that that's where i would be and call me whatever you want pussy whatever but i'm yeah i'd be like i don't like needles i don't like needles. I don't like surgery. I get nervous.

I don't even know if I can stand still while somebody operates on my face. They put a Q-tip under my eyelid and rolled my eyelid up like it was a garage door. I'd be like, get your fucking bartender MD over here and let's get high. No, it was cheaper. I saved like $2,000 or something by keeping the anesthesiologist out. I think that surgery only costs like $1,300 or something like the first time. And, but they didn't think it was cancer and they're like, ah, it's cancer. It's basal cell carcinoma. We got to go back in and do the wedge ectomy or whatever we talked

about before. And I was like, ah, all right. He's like this time like this time um we're gonna want to go with the anesthesiologist and i'm like yeah oh yeah i know i know i know because last time that hurt more than anything in my life yeah no way no we have one of those they cut like the cadillac health insurance plans like that shit's all prepaid bro we pay for that every month. No, I'm smart. No insurance at all. Good move. Thinking ahead. Yeah, good move. Yeah, yeah.

So that cancer won't cause it. I hope it's 100% gone, Kyle. I hope it stops here. Because when the chemo rolls in, that shit's a million bucks. Oh, my God. It'll be fine. Can you imagine the jokes we'll have to do kyle sitting there he's got an iv on a roller next to him he's gonna do chemo

he's got a bandana around his head he looks emaciated and the guests are joking around and kyle feebly tries to enter in and we go oh you guys stop stop stop kyle's got something to say kyle what do you have buddy what do you have oh wow that's great man you're looking good wait wait wait everyone kyle's corpse is animating again kyle go we'll get back to the bit kyle kyle what's up bud what's, what's up, bud? What's up? Sitting there looking just sunken eyes. Bandana on. I need my juice. I don't even know what no insurance cancer treatment is like.

We have to take little tactful breaks to pretend he's not vomiting into a spackle bucket. We have to take little tactful breaks to pretend he's not vomiting into a spackle bucket. Spackle bucket is the greatest. Oh, sorry. I hope it's all, I hope everything works out. You can get insurance. Like the whole preexisting condition thing is gone now, right?

Yeah, but that's just like $200-$300 a month would be. Yeah, no, we pay thousands a month. You've got a family. Yeah, it's a different company. That's true. You've been healthy up until this. You've never had any

big stuff other than burning yourself. that's not like genetic that's just well my dad would argue it is that's the thing about not having health insurance it's a really great idea until it's not yeah yeah yeah i'll probably get some health insurance after this seems like the time yeah it might be a good move. Maybe start with Major Medical, see if you like it. Yeah, just dip your toe in a little bit. Then I can be real reckless. Can you imagine I was blowing those cars up and shit

with no help? Hello, this is FPS One Leg Lift. I had so many plans for if I was ever in a wheelchair or in braces, like weaponizing wheelchairs and weaponizing one of those crutches I was going to say we got to get our other guest in here

we are over time Josh, thank you so much for coming on any upcoming events other than that one in Arizona? Something you want to pimp? Phoenix this weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday at Stand Up Live. And then two things. You know, I do a high live every Monday night from my backyard where I smoke weed. I take mushrooms and I turn on my camera.

Do you have a website or anything? People watch this a year from now want to know what's coming. Which is facebook.com forward slash Josh Wolf Comedy. And so every Monday night at 7 o'clock Pacific time, you'll see me in the backyard getting really fucking weird. And then on Tuesday

nights, and I wanted to talk to you guys about this because I want to have the three of you on the show. I do a show called Control Chaos and it's a panel show and it's a game show and it's fun and it's ridiculous and it's funny as fuck.

I want to have you three on together and I do that every Tuesday at 7 o'clock. This week I have Jim Jeffries, Justin Martindale, and Candace Thompson. They're just always super funny comics. A couple weeks ago, I had Luke Bryan on. We've had a huge guest, so I would love to have you three on. But yeah, that's what's going on, man.

Just quarantine and trying to stay sane. You say it was Facebook.com slash Jeff Wolf Comedy? Josh Wolf Comedy. That's a completely different dude. Sorry, I don't know how I messed that up. I called you Josh. Some guy, Jeff Wolf Comedy out there. I'm sorry.

Crystalia, everyone. We enjoyed having you. I'm just trying to get this. Please put that in the timeline. Today's a Tuesday, 10 o'clock Pacific. But that highlight, I usually have about 50,000 people watching me live. That's awesome. Nice. That is a huge crowd.

That is really, really big. We'll definitely come do it with you, man. That'll be fun. Yeah, it will be a good time. And thank you guys for having me on. I really appreciate it, man. Yeah, thank you for coming. Of course.

Yeah, you're hilarious. Thank you so much. You got it. I'm going to go look at some dressed up dicks all right you think i stopped see ya all right now we've got a second half guest i guess we went a little over the second half but uh we got champ chong rolling in yeah how do we tell him to... How does that work? Can he just join? Yep.

Yeah. He'll pop in and just probably be in Josh's spot, I imagine. No, but I can fix it. I didn't anticipate this. Hey, what's up, Champ Chong? Can you say something so I can't tell? Yeah, is my audio fine you say something? So I can't tell. Yeah. Is my audio fine?

Everything good? Yeah, sounds great. Seems good. I love your Aussie accent when you do it. Yeah. This is good to have you on, man. I follow you on Twitter. And so I kind of I keep tabs with what's new with you.

Are we live right now? Yes, we are live we are live okay good question i won't say anything terrible as an australian usually does no no i've been a big fan of the show guys so for years i think one of the first memories i have is taylor i don't know if it was your first appearance but it must have been like 2012 or 13 and was he really drunk please tell me he was penis maybe what did i say about the penis i think you guys like i remember one of the early topics back in the day was how small gold gloves penis was you are you're a true historian that is a yeah dude i all the way back when like kyle you would have

like clint eastwood is your profile picture yeah like and beyond that like way before that one i think it was just woody sitting in his room like yeah we did used to have everyone's picture yeah yeah so i've been listening for a long time guys so i really appreciate that i'm i've come on and it's a bit difficult. I'm following a comedian, so I'm going to suck. No, no, you're going to do great. And you know what's funny is like people like you who are, you know, and there's a lot of them out there who really, really enjoy the show. I guarantee you remember more about this show than me, Kyle or Woody. Well, he maybe was sober the whole time. It's a blur of jokes and then times where you're like oh man oh i shouldn't have said that

yeah said that what so our audience has grown right and they catch me on twitch and they're like woody i've been watching you since i was 13 and it's like oh my god what kind of influence was pka on 13 year old you probably in that moment i must have been like 20 at the time because i'm 28 now or maybe even before then what year did pk start was 11 or 12 10 years ago maybe yeah oh yeah because the 10 year special was just recently yeah i must have watched like in that second year because i remember you were doing that woody you were doing that big challenge of like commentator march madness oh yes i remember that yeah that's i think how i found you because i was like watching all these guys and i'm like holy crap this guy's like putting it all together and it was this huge thing for like this nerdy

20 year old kid so yeah yeah totally i forgot about that too a lot of good times back in the day but uh so i was like i was saying i i follow you on twitter so i see i see some of your shit you really fucked up your hand the other week with a knife man cutting it the other and you were like i was seeing your tweets and as someone who works online gaming you were like yeah hands pretty fucked up i'm really hoping i can get back to gaming at some point you know the team didn't so sliced don't know if it's gonna work and it's like oh fuck this is this is a real deal injury it looks like you're doing okay yeah so it's actually been a bit of a blessing disguise uh this was yesterday how did you do it how did

you do it for the people out there okay so oh uh i was visiting my mom for mother's day six weeks ago i think australia has different mother's day so it's all thrown off but uh yeah so i was visiting and then she asked me to help her with the dishes i'm like sure i'll be a good son and i'm watching tv as i'm rinsing a glass and i it hits the tap the faucet and just shatters in my hand but i wasn't paying attention and i tensed and squeezed you know out of panic and it just completely uh you can see a scar here you can see how fucked up it is there oh my god like this is six weeks later I still can't straighten them completely. It's basically three hours a day, like in 15 minute increments now.

So yeah, like instantly my finger was just dangling there. There was blood everywhere. I haven't seen that much blood ever besides like a night out with a girl. But it was just, and it was funny the next morning because we went to the emergency room that night it was like 11 p.m it was a terrible mother's day for my mom i feel so bad so i'm gonna make it up to her somehow figure it out but um we get to emergency room i hope she learned her lesson about asking for help with the dishes yeah that's the thing i'm never doing dishes again in my life. Woman's work. Yeah, exactly.

Two handers for a man, clearly. Yeah, I've been having a lot of sympathy matches on Tinder. So I joke around like, well, can you come around and do the dishes? And then I don't get heard from ever again. Oh, you're not making jokes about how you can't beat off yourself? No, so I had it in my bio. I'm actually right-handed, but in my bio it said I'm left handed. Can you help me out or something along those lines?

But I took that out now. So you went to the hospital. I interrupted you. Sorry. Where were you? Yeah. Oh, so yeah, I got to the hospital. They're like, they wrap it up.

Then they do some scans and everything. And then, yeah, they pretty much tell me you're going to have to go to a specialist, like a different hospital tomorrow. We'll book you in. So I got then we went to sleep, woke up the next day, went straight to another hospital. And then they unwrap everything and they're like testing you. So they put my hand on like they put it on the table and they asked me to try and move my fingers. And I felt like one of those complete retards that try and move things with their mind

yeah yeah so i'm there just like nothing's moving fingers like sorry which fingers okay so the ring finger was 100 through through the tendon so it was still attached but it was like the tendon was completely severed uh then, then the ring, uh, the middle finger, this one, uh, I'm just giving you guys the finger of the best I can start shaking and twitching.

Yeah. I still don't have that. I'm still learning to get that back, which sucks, but it's getting there. I'm trying to be positive. Um, uh,

but yeah, so that was 80%. Um, sorry, that was 80%, 100% thumb was 20%. And, that was 80%, 100%. Thumb was 20%. And then my palm just had like deep cuts.

And I think the tendons run through there too. Are we talking about tendon damage exclusively or some nerve damage in here? No, no nerve damage, surprisingly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How the fuck do they make cups out of in Australia? I didn't hear you, Taylor. I was just cleaning my favorite razor blade cup fucking get it i know a couple of the doctors did not believe my story they're like did you

grab a window or some shit like uh yeah they probably thought you were like a burglar or something where you like yeah i showed up with my mom and sister and it's like it's like as innocent as you can my son had a similar energy and yeah injury i mean to say you may have heard about it but it was an axe and he lost two toes oh he lost the tendon to two toes and he's 100 so he's better now how long did it take him like 12 weeks so his situation is a little different than yours. I want to say he was in a boot for like 10 or 12 weeks where they told him not to use it. The whole point of the boot, it had like a, you know, your shoes kind of flat on the bottom. This had an arched bottom, so it would sort of roll and he would walk. And he would never use his toes in any kind of exertion. So he didn't even try to use it for like forget if it was eight weeks or

12 weeks and then when he came out of it he sort of quickly got back and was okay like your injury is fucking with me so much like what i i'm glad you're doing better because that's one of the kinds of injuries that i i dread the most like like tendons specifically because i feel like ah man that's got to be so frustrating and you game right like like your yeah your wasd has to be so yeah right now so because that's your wasd so that's the thing i used to be a console gamer i still do jump on there for certain games uh to play with some mates and stuff but to i've been primarily a pc game over the last three probably since 20 late 2016 so almost four years and i was playing a lot of warzone like i was playing like

30 hours 40 hours a week which is a lot like because i'm doing other stuff kyle i'm not just sitting there all like woody plan tarkov 200 hours a week uh man i'm sorry i had to dig you i had to dig you one there wait that's a compliment right have you seen the man's heart out later on if you got time uh like what it's like to start taco but because i do want to get into it once my fingers work properly i'm still not allowed to game because it's too unpredictable the movements like i could be like doing something and i'm not allowed but this this is what i was wearing um this was on my hand for six weeks i just got it off a couple of days ago it's cool comes on and off but you see how it's shaped because that the tendons had to be in that position for so long and i was not allowed to use my hand and it sucked because things like tying your shoelaces i had to get friends that

live close by to come and do and double knot all my shoes and to make them so i can slip them on and off and like um dishes i got my sister to come around and yeah that's that's pretty funny yeah well not really that sucks but it is funny on a gaming note actually with this on your hand i actually felt kind of like a dog with a cone yeah on its head you know because it's it prohibited because it's longer than my fingers so it prohibited me from actually wasding so ah so you so you literally couldn't even if yeah i couldn't because it would hit like two three and the function keys and shit and i was like well then i'm not gaming. Do you wear that all the time, all the time in the shower and everything?

Yeah. So just for safety, I did probably like week five. I kind of got lazy with it. I would take it off and start showering normally because I started to feel like I could maybe get ahead of the rehabilitation time. That's a mistake. You put a bag over it and get in the shower. You've got your head set wrong on rehab. All right, forgive me if you're going all parental on here.

But your goal is not to get well soon, right? That's silly thinking. Your goal is to get well completely. It won't matter if you hit 100%, what is it, June, in August or late August. That doesn't really matter. But it will matter if you hit 100% in August or late August. That doesn't really matter. But it will matter if you hit 100%. At five weeks, if you're taking risks

with this brand new healed tendon that's been sewn back together, that's the... No, no. You want to get completely better. It's not about the schedule. Man, what a stupid way to get injured, too. When you're in that position,'re just like I want to do

things like I'm I play basketball I recently lost about 50 pounds I think I hit 50 yesterday so yeah like even through this injury thank you um yeah it's been since February um yeah I was weighing 250 pounds it all went here Taylor it all went here, Taylor. It all went here. My big jello ass. I went and watched my team play last week and tonight basketball. I was still wearing the guard and I'd just go up half time and just shoot buckets. But I'm making sure I'm not putting any pressure on this hand.

It's literally a guide hand. I'm right-handed so somebody's gonna be like think fast and throw you like a fast one yeah so i'm on the sidelines yelling essentially coaching my team and like it is working but at the same time i'm like i want to be out there it's so but i gotta wait another five weeks which aren't you a really tall guy also? So you're probably pretty fun. Yeah, so I'm 6'4", and just about 201 pounds now, so 202 roughly. I got you beaten one of those measurements. Yeah, so I went from a heavyweight to a light heavyweight. Yeah, I'll take that. I'm going to start building muscle now on top of that because i don't want

to stay skinny fat essentially um yeah that's got to be hard to start especially when you're pretty much waiting for the comeback how are you supposed to grip dumbbells or barbells if you can yeah so that's the thing i'm actually going to be doing something kind of crazy is i'm i realized i took my body for granted last year i actually tore my left calf and that was like two months out. That was a freak basketball injury. Yeah, I'm just injury prone, I guess. Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm getting up there. I'm 28 now, so it's starting to catch up with me. But I realized it's because I didn't treat my body the right way and prepare. I would just kind of rock up to

basketball and I was just kind of going through the motions for so long but now i realized i almost lost everything here gaming basketball all my favorite hobbies so what i'm going to be doing is because i work from home i do my own thing and i've got time and like funds to do what i want i'm actually going to be completely psycho and i'm going to try and become somewhat of a semi-professional basketball player. I'm hiring a personal trainer twice a week and a professional basketball trainer who trains professional players twice a week, then also doing other training. And I'm going to be documenting this all on another channel and starting like a series with camera guy, editor and whatnot, and taking that average Joe, if he can

become a professional basketball player, if he puts everything like meal plans, and whatnot, and taking that average Joe, if he can become a professional basketball player, if he puts everything, like meal plans, all that, it's going to be wild. It's going to be insane. It's a neat experiment. I've heard from a lot of experts that the time you really want to try and get into a pro league, when you're about to turn 30. That's when you want to really double your market. The scouts are all saying, I'm looking for a guy 28, 29 years old.

Just right on the cusp of, you know, his decline. Do you want a guy who's a sure thing, Kyle, or do you want to gamble? I really want to roll the dice. Hey, a guy that's gone through a calf tear and tendons torn. Am I in heaven? Why is my shit so bright? Yeah. You're fucking abducted over there. Hold on, hold on.

I'm finding my webcam. There's literally God coming in. Don't do it. You cannot play ball at a professional level. I put your hands, I can take your hands. I can shake your life. Hold on. Hold on. I'm changing my settings.

Is this better? Wait. There we go. The other one was funny, though. It's because the sun is rising. It's the morning here. So, yeah. it must have just gotten really bright and i didn't realize it no that's all there we go did you guys see the i was joking around about the emotes people are sending me now did you see the one i put in our

chat it's hideous they just keep making me more and more retarded looking and spacing my eyes out more and more. And I'm going to add it because it's really, really funny. It is absolutely disgusting. I look like Kildeshot. Oh man, that's wild. I want that in here. Just for

the three of us to use in private chats. I look forward to your pro basket oh i was just gonna say in the um on the pka layout on the videos and the red it's like where your names are just have little profile pictures oh just for horrific ones the subreddit has our three pictures in the header what if they without mention or notice just fucked with taylor's a little bit every couple days or weeks just make the eyes a little why every day you become more and more just even more and more fat-headedness that's a really funny joke i mean the fact that we acknowledge it means they probably can't pull it off now.

But you guys both stay totally normal. And it's like, man, it's Taylor. Oh, no, no. I don't want normal. If you could FaceTune me a little bit, I could use some help. I'm getting older. Fit me up a touch. I don't know.

Whatever FaceTune does. Stretching. Whatever it does, it seems to be good. FaceTune is like everything. Have you ever gone on to Instagram reality? Lots of time. Yes. We've done this on the show.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. We have. Never mind, though. It's like the Instagram versus reality photos. And some of those are insane. The amount of trickery they're able to get away with.

Okay. A couple things on this, right? Some of them you're right. Trickery they get away with okay a couple things on this right some of them you're right trickery they get away with it's amazing some of them they compare trickery to below average like a bad pose and sort of juxtapose them to the extreme some of them they're not getting away with that i saw a woman with a waist where there was no room for organs whatsoever yeah i think i could have done this with my hands yeah yeah and it's like that's just bullshit like you're not so that today yeah yeah i saw that today just big old ass big titties

muscular arms like it's clearly like a fitness chick it wasn't someone who needed any help but then they took her waist and made it look like there was a black hole inside of her belly button sucking everything in. Her waist is literally six, seven inches in diameter. Yeah, this doesn't even look like a person. The Photoshop is pretty good. I'm looking at it right now. There's words behind her on the wall, and the words are not fucked up. But it's clearly fake.

This is not what humans even look like yeah i've seen um where they're doing like a video on there they're doing like a like a video thing like putting on makeup and i guess there's a filter or some sort of face tuning thing that like alters the way you look while on live video and you can see her nose morphing in the middle of video light like real nose fake nose real nose fake nose real nose fake nose and it's like either she's transforming into something else or we all know what's happening here like like she's she's got like a big fucking nose and she's trying to make it like a little petite barbie nose yeah i guess there's i'm not into

the culture but i guess there's an asian thing where they use an extreme amount of face tuning in video and people watch them talk. But like you said, it fucks up half the time and they get exposed for the wrong frame. Yeah, I think it's Korea, right? Koreans love those filters and whatnot. Yeah. It must not be like here. If you were to do that, I feel like you'd get exposed and they'd say oh look at this woody's been face tweeting all this time and it clicked off on him this is really woody uh

there they must just overlook it or something because they all get exposed so often no no i don't know i have no idea yeah it's a weird culture anyway no how so um just in general i don't know like i don't i don't a lot of those asian countries have odd culture by our standards japan's got to be the weirdest one though something about the sexy vending machines is that where we're headed on this something about world war ii fuck them up man like going they were just they had too much on the line and then they lost it all. And big humiliation and great disagrees. And now they're just never the same again. That's an odd culture.

I went to Japan. I think you went to Woody, right? For USC. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yes, I went. And something weird that struck me about Japan, besides everything being too small for me, like literally, I was trying to go through subways and hit my head on things, but it was the crows, uh, ravens actually, because surprisingly in Australia, our things are

usually like our killer birds and bugs and stuff are huge. But in Japan it was wild. Like these ravens are like this big i'm not even exaggerating and i was walking through this like shrine park thing and just to go sightseeing and it was about to fall dark it was like 7 p.m and i just see this like murder of crows and i'm like oh no and they will not move and i had to walk off of the path around these crows because they're huge they're like the size of taylor's head maybe i don't know i like you're intimidated by the crows yeah oh yeah there's like 20 30 of them and they're

massive and they would not budge they just turn and they're like i'm like no i like the people there even when there were huge crowds, they were really well organized, and they stayed in lines, and they did their thing. I thought that that was exaggerated by the internet, but it was just on target, their subway system and stuff. Everyone was polite. I was kind of into photography, so I took a lot of pictures when I was there at the time.

And old Japanese men would ham it up for the photos and flash gang signs whatever the heck they do it was just fun to take a picture of a you know I don't know seemingly 115 year old Japanese dude with an intact personality so I one of the things I had to do that I don't think I had to because I'm a western besides the name champ chong I'm not Asian in any. That's just a made-up name I made 10 years ago as a kid. But because I got, like, tattoos and whatnot, the culture there, you kind of have to – because I think only gangsters or yakuza,

whatever they are, they have tattoos. So I was told by, like, everyone, even, like, people at the hotel, like, just cover them in case you can. But it was August and it was humid as hell. So I wore long sleeves the whole time. So now I'm in the yakuza yeah totally totally big tall white guy let me uh let me do this last ad because i think it's hilarious and uh it's a it's a really cool product brand new advertiser with the show i love their ad read i I think they're going to fit in real well around here.

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I'm sure this shit's going to be great. They're giving us a sample, I think, and it's going to be great. I have a bidet. I'm a bidet guy. I'm a bidet master race, but we're going to add it to another match. I used to insist that Marilyn did one every time before we filled her out. Sometimes she'd have a little rusty nastiness down there I didn't care for. Are you guys getting test units?

Yes. Are they one of those that they send out to reviewers and then you've got to send it back? No. No, they do not want it back. Yeah, exactly. This is actually the model we sent to Boogie5000. It's coming to you next, though.

We cleaned it up as best we could. Again, we're sorry. We're so, so sorry. It took more self-control than I've ever had to have in any ad not to keep doing JFK jokes.

There's so much content on the table right now. Then you can transition to Lincoln. Have you ever heard a recording of Lincoln's voice? I can't tell. That's what I'm saying. I can't tell if it's because it's not. No, it was high-pitched.

Or if he had a weird... Not even necessarily... It's not the high-pitchedness that made it so weird. It's a weird cadence. Have you seen Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln? I haven't seen that film, no. Apparently, Daniel Day-Lewis spent a lot of time listening to those old audio recordings of Lincoln

and masters the accent. It's very good movie. Didn't he live in a town pretending to be Lincoln for like a year or something? I don't think so, but, but that's what he kind of does. Doesn't he?

He just goes full in. He goes full in. Are you asking if Daniel Day-Lewis lived in a town and pretended to be able to be Lincoln for a year prior to playing it. Look it up. I swear it's true. Maybe. That is retarded. That's almost certainly not true, but

Daniel Day-Lewis does really take a big bite out of his rolls. Would you like to order? Ah, yes. I will have the steak and arugula sandwich with a baguette and a side of chicken noodle soup yeah pretty sure they had to call mr lincoln on set i he does he is a method actor when he did my left foot you know they made him carry him around you know because my left foot's about a guy with with muscular dystrophy. Oh, method acting.

Oh, man, it's so hard. Oh, I'm so good at pretending to be another person that I have to pretend to be them for all time while I'm playing them. He's the greatest actor of all time. The greatest British actor, right? No, the greatest actor of all time. He is a British actor, though. I thought he was American. That's how good he is a british actor though i thought he was american that's how good he is is that where you're going with that acting thing seems like a way to be a

prick in a lot of ways i think what if i was a method podcaster just an asshole all the time and as soon as this turns off i'm as sweet as you know a wedding dove the kind they release at weddings all birds are assholes i don't think they do that anymore As soon as this turns off, I'm as sweet as a wedding dove. The fuck's a wedding dove? The kind they release at weddings. All birds are assholes. I don't think they do that anymore. I want to see hidden camera footage of Taylor around his dogs when the cameras are off and he doesn't realize it.

Just punting them about. People think I'm a dog. Calling them racial slurs. How's it going, Jippo? I'm looking up racial slurs from the 1870s And trying to reintroduce those No, really, it would be embarrassing footage Of me doing like

White girl Facebook stuff Where I'm like, you are so fucking cute You're the best, you're the best That kind of stuff. Are your dogs brother and sister? Brothers? What do you got? No, they're half brothers. They're half brothers. They've got the same dad, but he fucked two different

bitches. At the same time? They're the same age, roughly, right? Like a week apart. He was busy. Yeah, that dad was busy. And one of my dogs as the days go by, I realize Fozzie is a normal ass dog pretty smart and teddy is special he he does not understand things the same way he is starved for attention all the time and like when if fozzie will do something wrong he'll like look at you while

he's doing it and being like i know i i done fucked up and sprint into the kennel if teddy does something wrong he'll like look at you bold-faced full-eyed and then when you get him in trouble he's like what i do what do i fucking do but teddy is so god damn cute you got rules against pooping here no in fairness to Teddy, even he's getting way better with everything, but there have been a few times that he's, he's so dumb.

He doesn't even ring the bell. He just goes and he stands by the bell by my back door and then looks at me. And I try and go like, Hey, ring it, ring it. And I'll take you out, ring it.

And he won't do that. But so often he'll be standing there calmly and I'll eventually get up, go let him out even though he didn't ring it and he will make it two feet into the yard and fire out the foulest shit it's like oh man he he could have done that right on my kitchen floor and he was holding that motherfucker in so you know credit where credit's due fozzie and teddy both both good boys. My dogs. Their favorite place to poop now is the gravel driveway.

Really? We have 14 acres of yard, and you prefer the gravel driveway? Dicks. Fozzie did that the other day. I have not nearly fucking 14 acres, but I go out into my backyard, and I let him out. And where does he go to piss? Piss is on the side of my grill he's displaying dominance that's an alpha dog right there yeah and he's he's a good boy i tricked him into thinking that portobello mushrooms were

meat the other day fucking retard he's a vegan yeah he is dumb those were really good i made some portobello mushrooms on the grill those were great with garlic salt onion powder a couple other things rubbed on there's i uh sliced some garlic cloves through those in the top mushroom cap area with those held in there it's very very good kyle that seems like the kind of thing you would do have you made mushrooms on the grill or anything like that? Or are you not a mushroom fan? I like them, but I usually saute them. Okay. Do you like

burgundy mushrooms where you put red wine in there, butter? I don't like red wine with anything, really. I've cooked steak with it and mushrooms and stuff. I don't care for it. I like garlic a lot, so most of the stuff, if I'm making something fancy, it's garlic and butter and stuff. I don't care for it. I like garlic a lot, so most of the stuff that if I'm making something fancy, it's like garlic and butter and stuff like that.

Okay. Yeah, I love burgundy mushrooms. I can't believe you don't. That's the ultimate little compliment to a steak, right? You get a couple of burgundy mushrooms on your fork, put it into a nice filet, medium rare, slightly under medium rare preferably.

I usually do like um like uh garlic uh butter shrimp and do like a skewer of those with a filet like a little surf and turf thing i grilled shrimp the other night it was great it was great i'm really enjoying the grill it's really facilitating overeating for me because like nobody ever is like i'm gonna hit up i'm gonna fire up the grill for the two of us let's throw two patties on there no it's like the perfect excuse to be like i want to grill corn on the cob i want to grill zucchini i want to grill mushrooms i want to grill steak i want to grill shrimp nine pound brisket all at once yeah nine pounds well that's what i want my slow cooker i don't want to grill the brisket.

You're talking to the wrong guy. I don't know. But yeah, clearly you need more grill equipment if you enjoy grilling. Do they make an all-in-one grill? A smoker, a slow cooker, a grill, whatever the other things are? That's the egg. That's the egg. The egg isn't both charcoal and gas, is it? You don't want gas.

Taylor uses gas. Don't tell him. Taylor doesn't know gas. Taylor uses gas. Don't tell him. Taylor doesn't know anything. Taylor's been grilling for a week. Taylor bases his barbecue choices on a fucking Mike Judge cartoon from the 90s. Oh!

There you go! If Hank Hill had pencil, charcoal, and charcoal accessories, he'd be all on board for it. Oh, and now I'm going to take advice from a felon. Bobby, watch and learn. Champ, I looked you up on Social Blade. You've exploded this month.

What'd you do right? Got my life in order people watch that people watch that no tell me no so i i i did take a break so um i lost my dad a few years ago and i kind of faked that whole presenting bullshit on youtube for many many years and i just went through the motions and i was just kind of, yeah, I was faking it and I really wasn't enjoying it. So I took essentially the first half of this year off, which is a really risky move because to come back to a channel that's got 800 or so thousand, now luckily over 900,000, but to come back to something like that after a big break, it's a really big risk because people might not might not watch and i switched up my content i was following this trend of those 12

15 minute videos of multiple ads and trying to do as long form content but i looked back i'm like what made my channel good back in the day on my first run was just doing six to eight minute content and i feel that's what fits me i don't burn out from that i can do it daily two videos a day if that and i'm just talking about and like literally sourcing different information about the new consoles coming out and that's kind of what happened with the ps4 and xbox one when they were coming out so it's a good time for me to come back so i've just focused on all that news and like for example yesterday it was like phil spencer the head of xbox talking about like their what they think of the playstation and stuff and that stuff gets views so i'm i'm just

always working now waking up at a decent time because i was waking up like 2 p.m for like years and um i was kind of rushing through content because i wasn't enjoying it but now i do so i think people see that i actually enjoy what i'm doing and i'm passionate about it and it might it's paying off good for you man that's good yeah i'm just poking through your channel right now yeah it's very clickbaity it's very clickbaity for sure if you look at all my titles and thumbnails but hey man you gotta you gotta work the system you know you gotta you don't make videos to not get views right yeah so you mean it's a little clickbaity but it's that's what you have to do at dnm make those dollar videos yeah you know the ps5 i've decided i don't like the way it looks it's too asymmetrical if you

lay it on the side and most people are going to lay it on the side and it's not going to look good it's going to be totally asymmetrical i don't care for that i think the digital console because there's two ps5s there's a digital and there's the disc based it looks better because there's no disc tray or like a slot so it's it's it's uniform and it's symmetrical so it's just this one slope but it does look better in black because people have like photoshopped it and stuff and it looks much better if you if you search like ps5 black matte like matte black it's it's a much better looking console i think i see in one of your thumbnails i think you have it placed next to like a ps3 mini or ps3 oh that no that little white cube that is the potential xbox series s because they know it's

it's the uh it's it's the one you did five days ago and it's like a black thin playstation and then the ps5 next to it is outrageously big oh yeah so the ps. Yeah, that there's a thumbnail you can see. Maybe there's. Yeah, it's a guy holding it. Yeah. And it is as big as that Japanese man's torso. It is like this big. It is huge. It's a big console. The reason they did it is because the PlayStation 4 has a lot of heating issues, which means, oh, my God, I've gone to heaven again. I will be back in a sec. I'm going to go end up closing the door over there. You're good, man. Even if that Japanese guy's

5'5", that is an enormous console. It's going to be as half as tall as a 60-inch television. Yeah. This thing is huge. I'll be right back getting a console what do you taylor no no i'm gonna stick with pc i'm if anything i'm looking at ways to upgrade my pc

that seems to be the the easiest you know path of least resistance thing to do with a lot of these games yeah i don't i mean like i i don't understand why people still play on consoles, I guess. I mean, it seems like they're so goddamn expensive now when you consider you've got to buy a new one every few years anyway. Oh, I bet this PS5 is $500, if not more. I feel like PC gaming is more expensive than console, and all the arguments made to the contrary ignore a lot of costs. They're like, ah, Pete, it's so much cheaper because all I have to do is upgrade the CPU.

Yeah, but do you? Do you? Every time I buy a motherboard with the thought that I'll upgrade the CPU, I end up upgrading the entire thing two years later. Yeah, that's true. I think I would never try to argue that it's cheaper but I would try to argue that like your dollar per whatever point of fun is

fun units is you're better off with PC because like that console has a top end right everybody's PlayStation 4 is doing the same fucking thing but like you could with the PC you can always tinker and make

it better or worse. And you've got such a huge variety of games you can get with Steam and all the other platforms now. The peripherals really add a lot of cost when you start talking about your headset and monitors

and keyboard and mice and all that stuff. Clown horns. Your clown horns, your slide whistles. So I think PC gaming is more expensive, and the arguments that people make mostly involve ignoring a bunch of costs. I like PC because of the experience. I like that every game is a click away like that kind of works for me uh the the whole navigation like we have an xbox downstairs the navigation

to find the games and shit is kind of bullshit it's mostly they put up front center easy to find the stores and the shit where you buy things from them yeah it's not intuitive i don't know maybe i'm just a boomer at this point but i'm like where the fuck are the games again buried in something and how do i work my way around the controllers you know like a mouse and keyboard a keyboard gives you so many things like the game i play lately tarkov you they're just there's too much there you know you need a keyboard for it so the flea market for example i use the 10 key to to you know determine the prices that i'm trying to sell it how would you do that efficiently on a console you know with

the joystick remember typing a letter to someone that's outrageous okay oh my god trying to send a threatening message to someone on xbox 360 took. And by the time you're halfway through, he's gone. You stop being mad. Yeah. So yeah, I need whatever, 2,600 keys or whatever it is to play Tarkov. It seems like you use almost all of them.

And I also like having my games right there next to all my other stuff. I like that I can like use my browser for a minute, watch YouTube video, bounce over to my game Kick off the scab case bounce back to a YouTube video. That's the experience is worth the extra money to me Yeah But then the gaming experience itself is just better like the game is going to look better

It's going to play better that the frame rates higher the resolution can be higher You can like give your Skyrim character tits you can get all Obviously game, Obviously, modding isn't completely exclusive to the PC, but it is infinitely better on the PC. Everything's better about PC gaming. Not everything. Cheaters are worse.

Cheaters are a problem on PC. Was that you? Yeah, it depends on the games you play, though, right? Because not everybody plays competitive shooters. For somebody who plays RPGs and stuff, or single player in in general it that that never even comes but but i feel like uh champ had something on that what were you saying yeah oh i was just gonna say like what he was saying with the the keyboard is such a better thing in the mouse and it is because a couple of years ago i put like a thousand hours or like 900 hours into pub g and on pc and then my friends on xbox were like hey come play it on here so i

download the game i'm like oh no here we go i gotta use these joysticks to aim and there's only so many buttons and it is the clunkiest mess it was not made well for it's clearly a pc game you you have to play and that's the beauty of having like cross play now with warzone for example i play on pc i've got a friend on ps4 and i've got a friend on xbox we're all playing together which is great because i do not want to use a controller but then the issue comes is like do we all have discord because there's no way other way to all talk together and then you've got to wire in all that sound but i think the biggest advantage consoles have is a couple i'm definitely like pro pc but consoles for you'll get exclusive games especially on the playstation side

of things there's a lot of exclusive story-based games that are really really good you got spider man god of war last of us 2 just came out it's like the biggest game right now so there's all these really great story-based games that are developed over five, six years. And I think that's the beauty of that. And that's what sells a lot of these consoles these days. But then the optimization side of things, I think is huge because you can build a PC, but you're always going to run into little issues

here and there. Sometimes a game won't launch. Like when Apex Legends is like the only game on my PC that will not launch. I've reinstalled it reinstalled the installer everything like 10 times and for some reason that game just won't work i don't know well then fuck them i don't know what that game is yeah screw ea games man yeah so uh yeah i i think the when you buy that finished box that's in your living room or wherever it is

and you pay 500 bucks for it, you know what you're getting. And it's only 500 bucks at the end of the day. I think that's a little bit of the last of us too. That's a horror game, right? It's not necessarily, it kind of is like a post-apocalyptic setting,

you know, is it good? Because that was one of the, I saw some Twitter thing where it was like that, that old thing you see where it's like critic score 9.9 user score 2.4 and it's like okay usually i go with the user score is it good is it shitty i never i haven't played it i can't play games so i can't speak on it oh so you see so you know what fair enough it looked like the ps4 had a seven year run i just looked it up it went from november 2013 to looks like the new ones rumored for november again seven years is a long

run like i don't know kyle was like hey you you update so often now does it even save money and i thought but seven years like i don't get that from a pc so there was a mid-generational console upgrade actually with the xbox did the xbox one x and that gave you 4k um and then playstation did the ps4 pro about i think it was 2016 so three years in they they had these and so some games some people will have better experiences because of that so So they did it kind of like how phones, and I think that's what they're doing now is following the phone trend where you're getting like, you can choose the more powerful pro version or you can choose the lesser option and they'll upgrade the mid generations,

you know? Hmm. Okay. Yeah. I probably, if I was a console gamer, probably would have been one of those guys that upgraded, even though it's a smaller upgrade.

Yeah. You know, been one of those guys that upgraded even though it's a smaller upgrade yeah you know my pc does just fine with letting me pretend to be a cowboy in red dead redemption 2 and that's all i'm looking for here folks i'm a simple man just trying to murder people randomly on the open road so it looks like um last of us 1 was uh. Last of Us 2 is getting a ton of internet hate because some chain. I'm not going to spoil Last of Us 2 because I know it's a massive game. And what I'm reading are like the problems that people have are they fuck it up? I don't know. I don't play the games, but these people seem to think that they did. Some of the things that they did with the story with the main characters, people are really, really hating. That's why it's got

a 4.1 from users. Is there anything to do with the LGBT stuff? That's part of it. Wait, did they switch the main character? No, they didn't switch the main character. I can't really go into details or it'll spoil the main story of the game.

The LGBT thing is a small part of it, but's it's it's more than that for sure i guess you can't does somebody die i'm i'm not gonna go you can't say that okay because it's a thing i like it when they kill a main character when they kill my favorite person i respect that choice what no really i like the main character staying in there. Oh, that's plot armor. That's plot armor. Jon Snow should have died at Battle of the Bastards.

Oh. Oh, no, no, no. We're not. We're not doing this. Dude stood in the middle of thousands of bad guys while arrows all missed him. He's a fucking chosen one! No no he wasn't that was aria or something

that was brand he's got a better story we're not doing this we've done it before uh yeah yeah no watch that scene again and realize he should have died 13 times. I've seen it five, six times. He shouldn't have died. You're like, watch that scene where Luke Skywalker was hiding off the side of the building. It's literally what plot armor is. He'd have fallen for sure. He did fall.

I mean, before the ship got there to catch him. I'm thinking of the other scene where he falls in the tube. We're not going to end the Millennium Falcon and the hand. It's the whole thing. What was I going to say? Yeah, anyway, when they kill a main character, like when nobody feels safe, say Walking Dead, for example.

I like that. Like, look, I love Glenn. Glenn was my favorite guy in the whole show. But the fact that even Glenn's not safe. Cool. look, I love Glenn. Glenn was my favorite guy in the whole show. But the fact that even Glenn's not safe? Cool. Look, I'll agree with you there. I liked when they killed Glenn. I thought that was a high point for the show that had been low

for like a season and a half. The internet thought the opposite. They were like, ooh, boo-hoo. I thought I was watching a soap opera where the good guys get in a little trouble, but then they get out like it's Buffy the fucking Vampire Slayer and it's like no come on we're in a goddamn zombie

apocalypse sometimes some people's gonna get eaten now I think they should have kept Rick and Carl fucking alive if you ask me they killed Carl Carl it just seemed like we were leading up to something where

Carl was going to replace Rick. I thought Rick should have died and Carl should have stepped in, but I can't watch that show. I haven't watched it since. That big red-headed guy who also got his skull caved in, he was much funnier than Glenn.

Even though I liked Glenn. For people that don't know, Abraham was their soldier, right? I guess he had military experience. Not only was he one of the most badass guys in actual war, he was also like their strategist. This is how we're going to deal with this problem. Tough guy.

The tactician. Tactician, tough guy, all combined into one. So for him to be removed at a time when they needed his skill set the most was like well fuck now what are we gonna do listen to like fucking carl's advice or something and it was they put those guys in a real pickle i think we should go back before i had that chocolate pudding i think we're gonna we're gonna go on a gummy bear raid

it's like coral i don't think this is the most prudent advice right now. So I haven't watched season 10 of Walking Dead, so I don't know how post-Rick Walking Dead is. Jesus, fuck. I haven't watched season when they... Go ahead, imagine. Since Coral died. I haven't watched since then. I think it might have been seven. Yeah, I haven't seen it since that...

I gave up halfway through May. I think it was three or four. When was it when they got to the prison oh god that's two yeah i gave up man i was just like it got no i think it was three two was on the farm and i think they got the season cliffhanger might have been the prison on two yeah so i think halfway through three or something i just was like come on three was bad two was bad i would agree three is also bad yeah yeah but um it came around and i i agree with kyle the high point was the end of six that's where the um where we met negan at the end of six and um then seven they fucked up and eight they fucked up and yeah they don't understand how to make good tv that

show's been a fuckeroo since it started like like right off the bat you know um firing the creator and and losing all the stars who came in to work specifically for him at reduced rates um when did this happen season two like the creator of the show and yeah i didn't know this yeah like season two they fired the creator of the show like season one had like this because season one came in and i'm just making up numbers here but they're they're relevant numbers it just it doesn't matter what the amounts are just the ratio uh like initially season one had like a 15 million dollar budget or something like that and then season two but it exploded it was like the biggest thing on

television and so like comic-con they're interviewing the the creator and they're like so i season two right but they're taking care of you now big budget this year and he's like oh uh i'm gonna let al answer this one he's like i was like oh yeah i got a lot of big things playing this year because in reality they cut the budget like the show blew up it's the biggest thing on tv and they're like you know what i bet you could do it for less next year huh and they're like the fuck and so like at the end of that season that you'll notice that like characters just start dropping like fucking flies. The old man who was keeping the RV going.

The blonde lady. The blonde lady. I rejoiced when she died. I remember where I was sitting. She fucking sucked. I remember that scene. We're talking about Andrea. Yeah, Andrea decides to hang out with the old man.

And I was like, old man, please, at the last second, concuss her with a little bit of rebar and you escape. Because I like you. I like the old man. Old man? Is that Dale we're talking about? The one who was overly honest? How do you remember that old man's name? Even a broken clock is right twice a decade.

No, no. Colin recently watched Walking Dead. And he's autistic and he goes over the same topics again and again and again. I talk about Walking Dead a good 20 minutes a day. If I forget something, he makes me sit

through a YouTube video to get refreshed on it. I am now like a Walking Dead historian where I know everything about the show. Do you ever do that thing when he's showing you a video and you see that it's 14 minutes long and like 45 seconds in you have to go oh no no i remember everything i remember it all now we're good we're good do you ever do that no he's uh compelled to make you see the whole thing like it wouldn't blow over quickly no it's

much better to watch the video 14's a lot they're usually like five or seven yeah and uh yeah so i we talk about walking dead every day uh he talks about different characters high points low points who was good who was bad he's gonna be bummed out when they get to the negan bashing brains and he's he's through season nine now so he's seen that yeah yeah and he makes fun of me so my favorite character is glenn and he's like hey dad you like this t-shirt and on the front of the t-shirt is glenn and it's like a good looking glenn and then you pull it up and his bastion skull covers your face because it's pretty on the inside and i'm like you know what Colin's trolling me What the fuck You're getting fucking trolled by your son I was a huge huge

I was a huge huge fan of the show I don't know what year it would have been Probably their third or fourth season Somewhere in there We used to go to these walking dead viewing nights At a local bar Where like I've told the story before But they'd kick people out for talking

If you talk during the show and uh and it was a great time we all loved it my girlfriend loved it all her friends loved it everybody was obsessed with it and they just drove that fucking ship into the ground over and over and over and like i haven't seen since carl died i don't think but i'm told that it just drags on with negan for like years more with like just they can't kill this guy and i and i've i've even watched like videos of the comics that explain like what's coming years from now and i and it's just ah i'm done so done with um what happened is they they make lee negan ne smashed him in some heads. High, high, high, high. And now they have to establish that Negan is not like the other bad guys we've met before.

That he's really got them under their thumb. They should have established that in like four, maybe even six episodes. Instead, they spend 16 episodes of Negan just bullying our favorite people. Where they just, again and again 16 episodes and then 16 episodes of them fighting back now it's 32 episodes of like probably probably 28 hours two years of life yeah that's what we're talking about two of my life it's a lot there's it's a week in negan land or some shit but it's been two years of my life since they met this guy right and i'm just like holy fucking shit it's time for them to go like i would have expected them to be in another state by now

or like finding another research laboratory that's what i want from a show like that like get negan knocked out in one season. And then the next season, leave the fucking state, find an underground research lab with a bunch of kooky scientists who, who were like trying to cure the thing. And they seem like they're on your side, but it turns out they're experimenting on humans. And then we've got to fight them and then escape them and go to New York. Like I want big money spent on this thing.

Huge CGI, big cities, lots of characters and hordes of zombies with machine gun fire and they can't do that they want to make it a fucking soap opera with jeffrey dean morgan yammering his fucking lines at the camera while wielding a bat for half a decade do you think it's possible because what people have done with like the star wars prequels is kind of streamlined and re-edited them into like one movie. Do you think there's a chance because there's so much content, so many episodes. Do you think there's a chance they can do that with The Walking Dead and kind of compress all that to still make sense but not take 20 episodes?

I think it lends itself to that. You could knock it out in half an hour. You should do it then. Yeah, yeah. If someone did that, I think they'd have some good content. There's a lot you could skip. I'd do it then. Yeah, yeah. If someone did that, I think they'd have some good content. There's a lot you could skip. I'd watch it then. And Walking Dead, there's a natural division

where they split the season. They'd show eight shows, then you'd wait like four months, and then they'd show the next eight. That should have been the Negan arc. You know? Eight shows of me being pressed under his thumb, wishing, you know, like it just gets worse and worse and

worse for us and then eight shows of us fighting back and yeah that would have been fine absolutely yeah it's it's it's i'm done with it i'm never watching again you can't drag me back to that fucking show there's no fucking way i get done with them invested though i'm like well shit i've given them nine years of my time i've given them nine years of my time i you look you've got me curious about 10 what happened no they got uh they got like six or seven out of me and i was just done i was done with with amc and the people who run that show being scumbags, making terrible content, not taking advantage of the floor. With a C- execution.

At best. Okay, yeah. I'll line up if you say D or something. But there's still some A-plus episodes. There's some gems in there. And you just wonder, did they get any more home runs and in the last such a rick fan boy like i liked it when it was like i i love rick i loved when when uh there was a there

was a season at the end of season two where there's a part where they're around the campfire and rick's laying it down he's had enough he's seen what happens when he's just a voice in the choir right he's like this ain't gonna work this ain't gonna work no more he's we're gonna have to do things my way and it's like why is he sounding like matthew mcconaughey a little he's like we're gonna do things my way i drove lincoln before it was cool we gotta find a lincoln dealership and so he's just that's when he all right that's when he is i drove a lincoln before it was cool and now it's becoming bill clinton and now it's fully become a bill clinton voice is what it is hey you know what i was i was driving a lincoln before i was raping

kids on epstein's island you know what impresses a 12-year-old? They don't care about your car. You show them a bunch of gummy bears, though. That's what you want. What do you find the child molesting character in Hannibal when he has one of the most sadistic lines ever? He's like, all these little orphan boys and girls, and they would do anything for a chocolate bar is that uh is that verger verger yeah where it's the guy who plays uh jimmy darmody in yeah where he's he his voice is like and they would do anything for a chocolate bar yeah because he doesn't have any fucking lips anymore. He doesn't have lips in any way, and so he says these things.

Jimmy Darmody plays him in the first half of the season when he's introduced, but no longer going forward because he's – That guy isn't the – that's not Jimmy Darmody anymore? They switched to a different guy? I am mind-blown on that because he has the exact same voice. Well, I mean, if you can do it, I'm sure they can find somebody else

who can do it, right? They just slap all that fucking scarification on him and you can't fucking tell. In any case, I liked when they established the Rick-tater-ship. When Rick took charge and you were like, finally, we've got a command structure of this thing i love that show so much i love the idea of zombies i've always loved the idea of

zombies i think i do well i i you know we used to fantasize about that shit growing up watching dawn of the dead being like yeah i'd be great i'd be great at this you know i love that shit the idea of this post post-apocalyptic war with lots of, you know, what I'm loving is I just saw, I was talking to you guys about this before the show hours ago, that Lord of the Rings, that new show that's coming out. They just confirmed they are not doing the CGI bullshit or nonsense that they did in the Hobbit.

They are going back to real deal people, physical effects, physical makeup, armor. That makes me so much more excited for the show. That is part of what made the orcs and the Uruk-hai and everything in Lord of the Rings so spectacular is because they were all

unique people dressed up in armor with physical makeup added. Not that fucking nonsense in The Hobbit. The Hobbit was just brutal to watch. What year was The Hobbit? Yeah. 13 years. It was probably seven, eight years ago now, I would guess.

Yeah. Yeah, and they stretched that one movie story into three movies and fuck that. They absolutely ruined The Hobbit. But the physical makeup on the orcs, it may sound like a small thing. It's not. It's a huge, huge fucking thing. Yeah, it's a big deal. And I'm going to add to all the villains as well. You want physical makeup on the orcs it may sound like a small thing that's a huge huge fucking thing yeah it's a big

deal to all the villains as well like you want physical makeup on that you get real facial expressions you and that also allows the actors who are engaging with those those people do a better job and so that's why that's why physical makeup is absolutely the way to go with enough money i want to go with enough money, CGI is good. I feel like this has done all, the CGI, when I was young, sucked, right?

And it was like, oh my God, put firecrackers on models again. This space CGI is garbage. Now, if you were to put a firecracker on a model and try to pass that shit off

like they did in the 70s, no one would want to watch that. That was terrible. Now, what they're having the hardest time with is people's faces, right? Because we're very sensitive for some reason to the way people's faces is. We observe reactions and it's important in how we...

Uncanny Valley. Say that again? The Uncanny Valley, where you can tell there are minor things wrong with facial expressions made under CGI, whereas physical makeup, not right. They don't do it,

but give it time, right? Give it time. I think we might have to endure a few years of bad movies or something, and then they'll get it right. Then they'll figure out like, aha, it turns out people are incredibly sensitive to the eye crinkles,

crow's feet thing. And we were making that smooth. People are incredibly sensitive to the height of an upper lip or who knows what and someday it'll pass makeup just like i don't think so monsters i think it's gonna be a very long time if that ever happens but i i don't think i don't think that uh cgi spaceships have passed uh models i i think that miniatures are just way way more expensive but i think they look so much better on camera. All that Starship Trooper shit is miniatures

in frame. All the old Star Trek Next Generation, when you'd see the ship, is a six-foot miniature most of the time. They used a four-foot most of the time. In Lord of the Rings, there's a scene where they poured water on trees or something. It's garbage. Please do that. Which scene? I think is it the third one? Break the dams! poured water on trees or something. It's garbage. Please do that.

I think is it the third one? Break the dams. Free the river. Break the dams. Free the river. It's terrible. And then Treebeard is standing there. And so are Quickbeam and a number of other Ents that I won't name by name because it's very autistic. You can see

all that water pour down. Washing all the goggles and some of the uruk-hai it does look bad but why does it most of the battle of palinore field looks bad it's a model it's a model they poured some really small amount of water across a couple fake trees and and it looks terrible it doesn't water water looks amazing with cgi now they have mastered water they had water mastered titanic 15 years ago or more like go back to the perfect storm that movie that came out in like 2003 or something i don't know it's been a long time ago those waves are epic they look real they've mastered water it that you cannot do water in camera and make it look as good in cgi at least

not with a miniature maybe you get a giant whirlpool or something and you could do it wait i have to ask all right did you mean to say that the battle of eisengard looked terrible because the battle of pelenor field where it's all the real heroes charging in the battle of pelenor field these aren't even real words shit the battle of pelenor field looks like shit when all of those fake-ass green goblins and ghouls start sweeping over the field, and all of a sudden, these weightless phantoms are dragging down Oliphants. It looks like shit.

No, no, no. I'm fine with that. What I'm saying is that initial Rohirrim charge is very inspiring yeah one of the worst cgi scenes i've ever seen is i think it was the mummy returns it's the rock when he debuts at like he bursts through that door as the scorpion king and it looks like a playstation 2 game and he's just like people's elbows there's a youtube videos i think corridor guys corridor digital right yeah they just they they took that scene and made it not suck they're

like yes they did a few things to his body i think what they did was they went and redid it all or like upgraded it somehow through cgi but then what they did was they ran it through machine learning and to use deep fakes for the rock's face so they ran like million photos of the rock because he's in everything through scenes of movies taking every angle of him from that era and they put it on and it looks better it still looks crap but for what they did compared to a high budget studio at the time who just rushed that scene that was yeah and there were a bunch of other things that like i wouldn't have picked up on they're like oh yeah you don't notice too much but do you see how his leg has no shadow this example but the specifics don't pay attention to but they're like yeah lack of shadow is actually a problem and do you see how there's a light source

here and it has no impact over there yeah well you know like you don't know why it looks fake but that's the kind of thing that makes it look fake. They just did a lot of shit that I wouldn't have appreciated. Some stuff looks great with CGI. Some stuff is an abomination. If you go to the Planet of the Apes movies, the new ones, amazing CGI. They can make monkey faces look real. They just look real. They look incredible. Things like horses running can't really tell the difference. Barely can tell. When they take 50 real horses in Game of Thrones

and they splice in 150 fake ones around them, I can't pick out the fake ones and the real ones anymore. But if you go to a movie like The Things remake, John Carpenter's The Thing back with Kurt Russell. It's one of the greatest horror movies ever made. The original thing with Kurt Russell. It's top five on almost every list. Very good movie.

It's all real stuff. It's all practical effects. You have these weird tentacles flickering around with stop motion. It's all in screen. It looks real. There's models. There's puppets. It's all in screen. It looks real. There's models, there's puppets. It's gruesome body horror. Then they went and made the remake, which is technically a prequel, like, I don't know, eight years ago or something like that. And they filmed it with practical

effects again, because of course this has a built-in audience that loves practical effects and the studio went nah cgi over all of that and so they literally cgi'd over all of the like puppets and practical effects that these people spent god knows how much time and money making and it looks awful and it bombed this is like um the rocket jump guys did right they're like hey you think you hate cgi but what you hate is bad cgi here's some good c like i remember you praising uh mad max because mad max was all practical effects and you said that for a long time and then later it came out like we got to see what mad max looked like without the cgiments? And it's like, oh, wowzers. Like this is really a heavy CGI movie that's so good we thought it was all practical. A lot of it was practical though.

Like what the CGI was like, it was like what I described where you've got like 50 real horses and like 150 fake ones added. It had a two foot flame and then in the movie it's a 16 foot flame. Yeah, but stuff like the big, it's a 16 foot flame and yeah you know stuff like the big there's a scene like right at the end where the the giant hulk of a guy

rips the engine out of that like semi truck with his bare fucking hand somehow and then the thing sort of hits one of those ramps so that it does that corkscrew wreck like they did that like a lot of the wrecks in particular were real and so like the particle you see the wreck in real there's barely any sand getting tossed it it looks really um yeah it's been redressed i don't know how to um underwhelming is what i'm looking for without the without the cgi all those practical effects look lame and then they add the cgi and they look big time. Yeah, I think that's the beauty of what they should be doing with movies

is not going too far in either direction, unless you can master practical effects and go for it. But modern day, I think you combine, you find that they walk the line of doing things practical and then adding CGI that you wouldn't notice, but you don't want to rely on it to be like the main character or animal all the time. Because you look back at movies that did CGI only so much. One of my favorite movies ever is Terminator 2, Judgment Day.

And that movie still holds up to this day. Obviously, the T-1000 doesn't look that great. But for its time, 1991, that is an incredible looking movie to this day. And you look at the new Terminator movies, everyone kind of too cgi and it's they're overdoing it if you don't show too much then it's way more believable yeah i thought um so terminator one even looked really good the only scene that looks fake in that to me is when you've got the arnold puppet of his head in the mirror doing the eye surgery. And then the stop motion when he's just the endoskeleton, I guess. Endoskeleton, yeah.

Like walking around. That looks fake. But then in Terminator 2, even the scene where the T-1000 jumps onto the helicopter, smashes it with his helmet, and then pours himself in. Terminator 2 is the one where Arnold fights the metal liquid dude. Yeah. Yeah, Robert Patrick. Yeah, that's such a good movie. That's one of my favorites.

Oh, dude, I swear I've seen Terminator 2 30 times maybe. At least, yeah. Like many, many times. They did? I'm sorry. I got to tell you, Kyle, I was very triggered on your pellenor fields comment earlier until you that it was about the ghosts i'll keep that in mind

and i'll save it my i'll keep that in my back pocket for like six or eight months and then i'm just gonna like shit all over like the twin towers or maybe like the whole plot of the the return of the king like it's just just to wind you up we'll follow it up with my st louis blues cheated to get a stanley cup conspiracy theory and we'll have a taylor explodes episode no matter how much i try and not get triggered on twitch when people post fake stats about hockey and the blues will it be like you know the blues only scored four goals in the entire boston series and i'll be like i can't address this or people will know like fake scorecards

yes yes high t look i i'm not a hockey fan i'm Australian. It doesn't snow here or anything, but, um, I I've got family in St. Louis and I visited them back in like 2011. And I went to a game, bought that jersey. It's an old Reebok one from yeah. Back that era. So yeah, that thing is beat up, but it was so weird to hear. You did not see a great on ice product i'm sorry i don't remember much it was a long time ago and i had a concussion from slipping on ice outside of walmart and you're australian and so like you're probably i had no idea what's going on i was like well it's soccer on ice you know taylor hockey question yeah what's up someone shows up with the jersey to a game and that jersey is out of date in some way it's either the old style or maybe it's a player that's not on the team anymore is that jersey vintage and cool or is that guy just broke and can't have a current jersey it all depends on who who it is like

if he's got some 1997 gretzky jersey it's like oh that's pretty cool like i know for a fact my dad he's talked to me he's like oh yeah in the 90s when gretzky got traded to the blues briefly i immediately went out and got a gretzky jersey because that's so cool to have so it's like all right that's pretty cool but if it's some like nobody and it's in this let me let me find the the worst jersey in all professional sports they this is a jersey before i send it to you guys that a wife of a st louis blues team owner at the time oh god wanted this to be the jersey and the players refused the players said we will not go on the ice with this i think i'm gonna disagree with you while you look it up like one of my favorite hockey players

of all time is eric cole have you ever heard of eric cole no i yeah okay you know kyle has of course um that illustrates my point i was hoping you'd say no eric cole played for the hurricanes he was one of our maybe he was like the eighth ninth best player on the team at the time in his best year played with so much heart every time he saw eric cole he was giving it a hundred percent dude fucking broke his spine broke his neck right didn't want to miss a game he's just going out they're like all right but you can't get checked he's like I'll do what I can gets back out there right this guy had so much heart so much effort I'll show it um love the guy and if like he might be a nobody to you this jersey um but i jersey so bad that the players on your team making millions a year each even the lowest paid go

i will not i'm stressed like this so you think a jersey needs to be current for it to be cool okay although i just put a jersey in the Discord. This is my local football team, Australian football. It's not rugby. It's different completely. Look at that hideous thing. We used to wear this a lot. These are the Australian homosexuals.

This is the Australian Mexican team, it almost looks like. No, no, we're pretty tan. It's winter right now, so I haven't got a tan. I'm pretty pale. That's what their flag looks like. I'm sitting inside all day. It's not about their skin color, you racist. It's winter right now, so I haven't got a tan. I'm pretty pale. That's what their flag looks like. I sit inside all day. It's not about their skin color, you racist. It's about the flag.

Oh, I see. Don't call me the racist. I see. Come on. No, I'm just saying. Okay. It was like, that football team looks like they could till my yard. I don't know.

They look like they're good at landscaping. That's all I'm saying. Purple, white, green, and red. These feelers know how to maintain a garden bit. Mexico's never on my mind. I never think of the flag, okay? We don't live close by. That's true. You guys are a hop, skip, and a jump away.

I was going to say this. Let's see more of Italy. We were talking about Lord of the Rings before the show. My Lord of the Rings news was kind of interesting because even with the COVID thing, Regal Cinemas is about to do a grand

reopening of all their theaters. They're going to show a bunch of classics. One of them is Lord of the Rings. They're putting it back in theaters. That's the Lord of the Rings news. Okay. Yeah. It's a bunch of old movies.

Movie series. I'm going. I was going to ask about COVID over there where you guys are at. What's it like over there? Because in Australia, I'll tell you guys in a sec, but I want to hear what it's like over there for each of you guys. It varies by state,

right? So some of the early states had it super rough. New York is a good example. They were one of the first to probably because of how many people go there. It's like if you were to go to Missouri, for example, there's a good chance you fly from like Italy to New York, then to Missouri. And so New York got it first. Now they're kind of on the second half of the wave.

And a place like North Carolina, which is maybe off the beaten path, we did not have it very bad at first. Now we're one of the States with the most rapidly growing COVID bases. But the thing is like, like there's a lot of places now that are having a resurgence of, of COVID because everybody eased up on the restrictions. All the Karen's got tired of wearing their masks and everybody's just running rampant now

and just going out in public and coughing on babies and shit. And you had huge groups of people out in public recently. Why? I didn't hear about that. Yeah, what do you mean? I actually had a bit of a back and forth with Ethan Klein. I did see some kind of parade the other day. What was that about? There's fireworks.

There was a lot of fireworks. That's good. Sounded like some kind of a band playing. The curve seems to be going back up again. A lot of people seem to have caught it. What's the fireworks? Yeah, because I've seen that, that you guys, that's all I know, but not like state by state.

But I've seen that America is on the rise again. But Australia isn't besides Melbourne. For some reason, they're having a second wave. But where I live in Perth, it's essentially gone now because they were finding people like $1,500 if you weren't walking to work, you were just out and about essentially. It became very strict. You could just out and about essentially like it became very strict like you could go out and go for a run but if you're not in active wear or something then you

got to get back home like they were they were they hired people in the city of perth like with like high vis wear and they go around and they could they were legally allowed to give tickets to people um police were everywhere 1500 is about a thousand dollars us it's this 16 600 dollar a days and what's crazy is so i live in an apartment in downtown and so next door to me is a hotel and i'm not gonna say the hotel i did. Which one? And they've been every single night for months. They've been bringing busloads of people, police escorted. What's the code for the door again? We're still going.

413 Poisonous Snake Avenue. Anyone that's been coming from overseas that would land here would get automatically put on a bus, police escort to this hotel every night. I just see red and blue lights outside. And I hear the bus just stalling there. And I'm like, oh boy, here comes another 20 people that are probably infected. And they have to be there for 20 days. That's how it is around the whole country. People that enter the country, they have to be put into hotel quarantine for two weeks and then state by state you're not allowed to travel interstate all the borders are closed so there's no flights the driving is like you can't because there's checkpoints and stuff and they shut it down

and now we're three weeks away from um having crowds full of 60,000 people at sports games again. Right now we're playing our leagues empty, but in my city, because we've specifically eliminated it because they went so hard on it, we will be getting crowds back, which I'm super excited for because it's just so good being in a huge crowd. But I'm also a bit worried at the same time. Australia seems to lend itself to being more

easily protected from this kind of thing yeah you don't border anyone you have pretty much you know total control over your borders you just shut down flights into like the three areas of that arid shithole that are inhabitable and i feel like the population is a little more inclined to be compliant too right one of the problems we have here is covid's become a republican thing the fucking idiots on my facebook feed feed think it's fake right they think the vaccine is a 5g thing that it's away from bill gates not good for your mental health you got a distance they're hilarious taylor they're hilarious and uh i think it's just the way of australian life we don't give a fuck about politics we're like we hate all politicians we just always go oh guess we because it's mandatory to vote here

you get fined if you don't vote so yeah so everyone has to vote and we always just go you can't no but it's it's anonymous when you do put the ticket in so or the ballot so you draw dicks on it if you want but the problem with that is it ends up going to whoever was already in power if you screw around and do a dummy vote well that one's for me you can't leave a mark on your ballot here you want it's it won't they won't count it if you do that no no if you draw a penis on there they will not count it i know and they're definitely giving that vote to donald trump if you draw a cock on your fucking yeah the idea is that you can't mark your ballot right it can be a vote but it like they don't want to know that it's from you so if you put like a little four in the corner and be like mine's the one that has a four in my handwriting

that's an invalid ballot there's no stray marks i didn't know that actually yeah i did not know the stray mark rule huh although who is stray marking a ballot aren't you just trying to get in and just vote as fast as you can so you can leave people who like well i guess you don't vote in pen but like yeah i don't know stray marks happen i guess and it makes ballots invalid it's kind of a do you think digital voting is ever going to be a thing like on online or we have oh i don't know your phone and socials or somehow in the future that's you you're like uh what's the chinese system they've got that social credit system yeah yeah yeah that's fun that's really good right making secure online voting is a really, really tough nut to crack. And the people with incentives to crack it, to make bad things happen, are wildly incentivized. Now, you might be thinking whichever political party you don't like, but go to other countries.

Go to people in the world. If you could rig an American election, especially the big one, the presidential one, then that would be worth a trillion maybe like you would devote huge amounts of resources to it so i'm maybe it seems like whoever we elect they all do the same shit anyway i have a question about your next president so i don't i kind of get it works you've got the left and the right republicans whatnot. But why does it have to be Biden? Why does it have to be Trump? Why can't someone come in and be like, is there a way or is the system to set in that way? Because let's for example, let's use Dwayne The Rock Johnson. He could win. Can he come in as an independent? Is that a possibility? Or is it too hard? Because it's the way it's set up to win state if someone like the rock popped in he would get absolutely smashed like there he would he would stand no chance and you you can see how if it didn't trump do that yeah it doesn't have to be biden like that's a really let me jump in for a second um four years, no one thought Trump was going to win, right? It had to be Jeb Bush, like to use that phrasing. And then Trump beat him.

12 years ago, it had to be Hillary. She was the obvious winner. And then Obama beat Hillary, right? That wasn't, he was the underdog in there. And I want to say McCain was an underdog too at some point. I forget who was above him. So underdogs pull through all the time not this year this year probably because the culture is we want a guy who can beat trump

on the democratic side they just pick the guy who they thought would have the highest chance of winning and i i am on the team now kyle may disagree with me uh trump is gonna lose in 2020 i i love the opinion now like the the polls are all against him and people be like oh the polls were ridiculous in 2016 it's like well some of them were agreed agreed some of them were ridiculous they were like doing d plus 30 polling and those ones are silly but overall the the polls had a decent, decent poll of things, I guess. And Trump is not doing well, not doing well. He hasn't done anything that he said he would.

And so his core has left. Yeah, I think he's done. And I think a lot of the especially MAGA boomers who still love him, like I think they're going to be very all those trust the plan people who are like yeah he hasn't done literally anything he said he would do for his base but it's coming it's like but from what I've sort of gathered online seeing from this side of the world is don't republicans and that boomer generation, don't they necessarily vote more? They're more inclined to vote. Then all these young people online are like,

we want change. We want change. And that's all great, but they don't even bother to go out and vote. Sometimes I'm really, it's the only way I think. There's some of that, but hold on.

Trump is good. If the election was held today, Trump would get absolutely butt fucked in a way we haven't seen since Reagan against Mondale. He'd get smashed. Now, Kyle's going to say that people lied to pollsters and that the actual results are different. But that – no. That is – now, what you just said is true, but it's not true to the extent that it's going to bridge that gap.

It's losing weight. No, it's not. First of all, it is true, and it will bridge some of the gap. But I think voter turnout is also going to be a big thing. His base is not going to turn out. They're not incited by anything he's been doing. What has he really achieved in his presidency? What's he actually done? Give tax cuts to billionaires and move an embassy in Israel? Who's fucking excited about that? I think a lot of the Christian fundamentalists are pretty excited about that.

But I don't know if he's going to win. It's certainly not looking good. Let me finish my thought because I didn't get a chance. If the election was held now, he'd get absolutely buttfucked. But there's a lot that happens between now and in the next four months. There's been no debates yet, right? What if Biden goes to the debates and that whole dementia thing they pin on him rears its ugly head like that would smash him Biden has done well right now by making by just hiding in a bunker and letting Trump be a fucking idiot which he's been doing

right you know Trump has been on the wrong side of this racial issue he's trying to if we give fewer tests we'll have fewer positive results on COVID. That seems to legitimately be his plan. His aides came out and said he was joking. I thought we had more tests than anyone at this point. Trump said at his Tulsa rally, I told him to slow down the tests so that we'd have fewer positive results.

And then all his staff scrambles and says, he was joking, that was just a joke. And they asked Trump about it. And he's like, I don't kid. I meant what I said. And then he defunded the National Health Institute just recently, who was trying to find some solution for COVID. He's been on the wrong side of our two biggest issues lately,

which is race relations and the coronavirus. But I don't know what the big issue is four months from now. So it could be the debate it could be dementia it could be physical health it could you know who knows what a war what are you doing the biden campaign is halfway smart they are going to deny any debate opportunity whatsoever between he and trump for debates say that it is because of covid just because it's slated doesn't mean it's going to happen. Is it slated?

I'm out of date. Is that the case? They said four debates and Trump said, that's fine. I'll do more if you want. Okay. Of course, Trump wants that

because Trump is at his best in front of a crowd. He's a performer at the end of the day. He's very, very good. I hope he, I mean, me personally, I hope Biden wins

because, um, maybe he'll legalize marijuana and expunge my record. But, uh, you know, I don't know if he will or not. I think that, I think there are a lot of people who are ashamed because it's a shameful thing to be a Trump voter and they won't, they won't be public, but nobody's louder than a Trump critic. You know, like, like, like no nobody's louder than a Trump critic. Nobody's louder than a Trump supporter. It's a religion. It's a cult. Yeah, dude.

It's like a constant 24-7 barrage of pro-Trump content from Netflix, YouTube, Hulu, Google, Instagram, ABC, NBC, CBS, just constant pro-Trump shit. I'm tired of it. I agree. Yeah, there are very few pro-Trump shit. I'm tired of it. I agree. There are very few pro-Trump voices that aren't on Facebook

or on the fringes of internet video websites. Or the largest news source. His fan base is dwindling drastically because he hasn't done anything for them. I genuinely think he's

going to lose. I think he's going to lose in a big way come November. It's not looking good. What's the chance that Biden or Trump, because with the rise of COVID, get it somehow? Especially Trump being, I'd say he's obese, right? We can agree on that. Oh, yeah. He's a big fella.

So obesity is one of the key things that really messes people up when they get COVID. So what is the chance of that? Especially with him walking around and stumbling and stuff? He has like six staffers with it right now. Yeah. So there's a lot of people that can potentially. The man might be fucking immune to it. You know, his superior genes.

I wouldn't be surprised. And he doesn't dream. Is he O positive like us? Have you seen the size of Barron Trump? I think that guy does have spirogytes. No, you're right. I wasn't joking. O plus A. I said that once and everybody was like, no!

He's wrong! He's making it up! They were like, no, no, no. For real though, the blood type thing matters. No, you're right. They've literally discovered now, like there are actual clinical studies that people with A blood type, be it positive or negative are more susceptible to this than people with oh yeah well i have a way i'm ab positive what does that mean oh yeah put that guy in the ovens yeah because i've been tested twice now because i have to go to the

ot section of the hospital every monday Yeah, but COVID clinic is separate, but they still do testing just in case. Yeah, COVID on is sort of on. Yeah, and they shove the bloody blue and white thing up your nose. It's like the smoking section in restaurants back in the day. Wait, so you've had a COVID test with the thing up your nose? Yeah, I've had two but how bad is it clean so um yeah it's like this white and blue like kind of looks like a straw but no it's

like a prong thing that goes up your nose and it hits you and it makes your eyes water and that's that i've heard it's horrific get a funny taste in your mouth for a bit it's not that bad it's oh it's bad like it's about an hour and a half until you kind of feel normal again i'd say oh like normal as in like it doesn't feel like you've had something up your nose yeah apparently they jab because it hits the back like it feels like it's right inside and i will i will tell you this i have a friend who works at a testing center and he had a co-worker of his also a nurse 28 years old to come down with covid no pre-existing conditions no diabetes no fat because being obese like you said champ and diabetes are the two big risk factors like if you have diabetes this is gonna fuck you harder if you're obese this is

gonna fuck you harder and this person had to go to the hospital three times, like not able to breathe on a, on a, I don't recall if it's a ventilator or a respirator, whichever one is the more intense one. And are some people that are definitely getting permanent, like pulmonary and organ damage from this. And that's the scary bit. You do not want that. You don't want to lose a third of your lung function because of some flu that you get at one point. Is it called crackle? Oh, yeah, yeah. I've heard that term. Yeah, yeah.

I love those candy bars. Yeah, that's... Only Halloween. Why? You're right. Crackle all year round. Stop making the little shitty bars that you have to spend

as much time as you do. I like the miniatures. You don't feel like such a piece of shit. No, I like to just eat an entire candy bar and then feel guilty. I like the minis. That's the best part. I like the Mr. Good Bar minis too.

The peanuts in there. Ooh, the Mr. Good Bars are good. Mm-hmm. The Crackles are good. You countersignaled me on the Reese's Fast Breaks, which I'm not happy about, but those are fantastic. No, thank you. No, thank you.

Lots of good people. Lots of smart people talking about how good the Reese's Fast Break are. They're saying lots of people who dislike this have small dicks. I'm not saying it's true. Dude, I have been using the lots of people are saying argument in my Twitch streams like every 10 minutes. I have been using the lots of people are saying argument in my Twitch streams like every 10 minutes. And I was using it a lot until all my fucking Epstein and Trump emotes got banned.

It sucks. I have fun with that. I got to admit, he is at times pretty hilarious, Trump is. Oh, he's great. No one will deny that. He delivers lines, especially for someone like myself. You don't hear that kind of voice ever, really. So what is he, a New Yorker, right? He's a New Yorker.

He's a New Yorker. But even like, that's the thing you can't take away from Trump is like, Woody very much dislikes him. And I would say a lot of people dislike him for good reason. He has one of his ex-supporters. But like, he is genuinely hilarious hilarious he is a funny motherfucker he's got he's definitely in the wrong job though he's definitely in the wrong job he should be on television and that's what he's doing but not as the president

i think he's pretty happy with the job he got yeah he's happy i think he's loving this and watch that clip of him at the fucking obama 2012 2013 whatever and saying and jimmy uh jimmy fallon whoever it was makes a mocking joke like and trump thinks he's going to be president and you can watch in real time as donald trump decides i'm doing this dude i'm taking this fucking chance. It's like something from a movie. As much as I dislike this guy, you can't deny the fact that he's the president of the United States. He did it. He did it.

He's the most famous man on earth by a huge margin. The what man on earth? The most famous man on earth. And powerful. Yeah, I was going to go with powerful. Yeah. Who's the most famous man on's probably trump probably trump at one point they would have said michael jordan it's the most famous guy on earth sure sure i would say at one point maybe michael jackson

yeah i was gonna say michael jackson even in like somalia or something you wear a michael jackson shirt and they'll be like i i very much enjoy his music. But if you told me Trump was the most famous living person on Earth right now, I don't know that I'd argue against you. If the aliens land and they say, take me to your leader, everybody's like, can I interest you in the leader of Germany?

Could you come back in like a year? Probably. Could you come back in a year so we can can introduce you to an insane senile man with teeth that are falling out of his mouth back in four or five years and we'll have this probably sorted out have you guys seen space force of course no it's better than i thought i love the bit where uh flotUS is getting those different outfits to come and they become more and more Republican

and these crazy, insane space-looking things. And he walks back in and he's looking and he doesn't realize they're trying to... Yeah, you go, Kyle. You go. It's so good. The First Lady calls the Space Force office and she's like...

Her representative, her chief of staff, and they want to design the Space Force uniforms. And the general is such a pussy that he can't say no. And he's got this PR guy who's like, oh yes, yes, yes. He's like, we'll get in good with FLOTUS. She's one heartbeat away from the president of the United States. This is great. This is huge for us. And he's like, no, I don't know

about this. And Steve Carell is away doing something else, so he's not even there to make this decision. And the next thing you know, everybody's walking around dressed in these capes with these big shoulder pads and these flowing... There's like 30

buttons going down the front of these it's outrageous like those north korean leaders where they have like fake war badges like more ridiculous than that let me i'm gonna have loney in response this cape cop's giving me an erection it sort of resembles like what the like like back in the civil war, but modernized kind of like those outfits with the capes and the red stripes. Almost like Napoleonic era. Yeah. Yeah. Even further back.

Yeah. I'm having a difficult time picturing this. I need to. Yeah. You have to see it. It's on the top of my head. I don't feel like Napoleonic soldiers and the Civil War soldiers had much in common aesthetically. They're outrageous.

It's very old-timey, but sort of modernized. Essentially, just imagine that if you could even have one of those little... Taylor, just imagine old-timey modernized. That should narrow it down. Picture something new-old, kind of American. What's funny is the action is something you can't. The actual uniforms in the show for the Space Force are already hilarious

because their camouflage, like each branch has their own camo. It's the moon. It's moon craters. It's the texture of the moon, but on their fucking military uniform. It's moon craters. It's the texture of the moon, but on their fucking military uniform. It's absurd.

That's hilarious. This is only useful when you're in that slide window where your backdrop is... How good's the exoskeleton episode? That's just like... If you're making camo for space soldiers, shouldn't it be

black as night, black as Steven Seagal's hair? It should just be something professional looking. They're not going to wear the uniform in actual space. They'd be in a space suit. I don't feel like combat

would have camo on it. No, Taylor, but space combat doesn't involve camouflage. Right? If you were to tell me you want the ship not to be visible, I'd kind of be on board with that. But the people in the ship can wear pink polka dots.

Oh, crap, wrong image. Right? Now, look, I'm sending you guys... I found an image of the outpost. There you go. Look at this. There you go. This is what they all show. Yes.

That's horrific. I hate that. That's the point. It's supposed to be hilarious. That's the joke. It's the comedy. I know. I'm just saying this.

I want my space force with pictures of moons and Jupiter and stuff on them. Not. It's there's an episode of the show where they. with pictures of moons and Jupiter and stuff on them. Not this. There's an episode of the show where they... It's like a bastardized version of Roman getup. You were right. You were right, champ. They launch this Space Force satellite into orbit. And the idea is that it has some offensive capabilities.

It can shoot like a net to disable an enemy satellite if need be and uh and and they're all celebrating in mission control steve carell and and john malkovich and all the other like sporting cast and they're like watching a video feed of their satellite in orbit and this enormous chinese counterpart just zooms by and goes and cuts the fucking solar panels off of it like they're like taking the wheels off a car in a bad neighborhood and the solar panels just float away so now they're just like fuck what do we do now like somebody's got to tell trump and they're like no no we could fix this we could fix this it's this. Do we have any men up there who can do anything? And they're like, the International Space Station is 150 miles away. He's, all right, well, that's not so far.

Yes, it is. They're on the other side of the planet, sir. He's, all right, well, what do we have? He's, well, we have a chimpanzee and a dog that we sent up last week, but, sir, we haven't been in contact with them for over a week. The whole point is we send them up there and get some good PR footage of a dog and a chimpanzee in space, and then we kind of let them float off and die. And he's like, oh! He's a dead chimp in space yeah oh that's

horrible so that they go to the light the camera inside the the the ship that's got the chimpanzee in it and he's he's mad of course because he hasn't heard from him in so long and so they've got a guy literally signing to the chimpanzee and and the chimp telling him he's got to go outside the ship. And he's like, no, no, we'll die. We'll die. Like signing. And they're like, no, no, you won't die. And like, we will give you many bananas, special bananas. And he's like, all right, all right, I'll do it. So they're like, what tool does he need they're like is that what they do many bananas pretty much a special banana and he's oh okay so lots of people are talking about how good these bananas are so it takes them eight hours to tell it to to pick up the power drill for eight hours they have him looking at a wall with power tools on it

because he's got a laser on his head. And whenever the laser gets near a thing, they signal him, like, yeah, that thing, that thing. But he keeps going past the drill, so they wait until he randomly puts the laser on the drill. They're like, yes, yes, drill! And he picks up the drill, and they're like, yes, yes, you got it. Now they have to get the monkey to put a helmet on.

Keep in mind, this isn't a special space monkey. This is just a chimpanzee they launched into space. And it's in zero gravity. So this monkey is trying to do everything while floating. They didn't even train a special monkey? He's just up there for PR to show a monkey float around and then turn the cameras off and it dies. Like he's not a special science monkey. He's just a monkey float around and then turn the cameras off and it dies. He's not a special science monkey.

He's just a monkey. They send him out to die. That's what they do with all those animals. They don't bring them back. All those animals they send into space, they fucking die up there. They burn up.

We killed all those dogs. We killed the dogs too. We killed the dogs too. They send the monkey up to repair the satellite. And for a second, it's like he actually does it. He's got the solar panel attached to the satellite. He puts the drill right on the right spot. And they're like, yes, yes.

And then John Malkovich goes, wait, no. When he pulls the trigger, of course, it's zero gravity. So the whole monkey spins instead of the bolt. And he's going spinning like crazy, holding on to this drill. And his safety cable is like wrapping around him like a noose. It's tighter and tighter and tighter until it snaps. And the monkey goes flying off into outer space one way. It just fades slowly.

The solar panel goes flying another way. And Steve Carell's like, you will be remembered, soldier. You will be remembered. We will not. How much would it cost to send a rescue mission up there for that chimpanzee? How much? And John McAvoy's like, somewhere between $40 and $100 million.

And he's like, You will be remembered! And he's like, and John McAvoy's like, Can we now go to Chan's plan, sir? And he's like, What about the dog? And they're like,

What about the dog, sir? Go to the dog. Let they're like, what about the dog, sir? Go to the dog. Let's see if we can get the dog out there to repair the satellite. And they click to the camera to the dog and there's just a tail floating inside the ship because at some point the monkey ate the fucking dog. And Steve Carell's like, you know what?

To hell with you, you dog-eating monkey. You will be remembered as a dog-killing monkey. And then you look, and the Chinese spaceship has made its orbit back around, and they're opening up their doors, and the chimpanzee is flying into it. And they're like, do not go in there. not go in there chimp soldier do not you must resist the chinese resist and he's going just flies into the china and so then he has to explain to the president that they had a space monkey taken prisoner today by the chinese you're muted conspiracy theory it was the chinese that ate the dog oh i won't stand for that kind of racism i know you'll sit i will i will not stand for this i mean if anyone was going to eat any of the animals up there they would have eaten the monkey

first anyway i bet dogs taste terrible. No bats available. I'd eat dog. I'd eat anything. I don't know what the big deal is. I eat people for sure. Do you think that tastes good? Do you think you have some good marbling? If it's ill? What'd you say? I think you said

build. Yeah, the dog's build. Do you think it has good marbling when you cut into those steaks? No, there's no fucking way. What kind of human would you eat? Would it be a muscular human, like someone that goes to the gym? No, that's not good. But someone

that's off-season and they've gained a little bit of fat, maybe, along with the muscle. I want an overweight gamer. No, that's going to taste awful. No, you eat a baby. No, babies have no muscle, dude. Babies have plenty of muscle to feed a man. Look, baby calves don't have a ton of muscle,

but there's enough veal to go around to feed the whole family. Veals are way bigger than babies. Well, depends on the baby i guess but i could just see taylor being like we're gonna have to grill three babies tonight i would cook up joey diaz just to see what he would taste like because the years of abuse on that body he tastes like bologna he's got too much marbling what you want is someone like more plates more dates or someone who's ripped as shit where they're still going to have some you know i guess intermuscular intramuscular fat whatever it's called some of that but they're jacked enough that you can get some nice fillets i feel like

if i ate joey diaz I'd get a second hand high So the reason the filet mignon is so tender The reason the filet mignon is so tender Is it's from the tenderloin An area of muscle the cow doesn't use very much It's the use of muscles That make them so tough And builds that intermuscular tissue

That we think of as Gross The parts of cows that we don't eat Don't like so much Or the parts that we don't eat, don't like so much, or the parts that we slow cook or roast and stuff like that, are the parts like the rump that's doing all that fucking work back there, because it's tough as shit

and there's not a lot of fat in it. If you eat a guy like Derek, he's going to be super tough, and you're going to have a lot of chemicals in there. You're talking to an a plus chewer i'm definitely the tastiest i i bet i taste better than both of you i think that's master race talk well there's only one way to find out you're actually that perfect ratio is

like you've hit the gym but you got a little chubby so so it works. I think you want someone who is doing... You think you're better than me. Don't eat him, eat me. I would definitely want baby or very young child. Or maybe a paralyzed child who hadn't... The veal of humans.

The veal of humans. A paralyzed five-year-old what race oh definitely white white meat yeah yeah i don't eat dark meat if cannibalism ever gets like accepted as normie imagine how funny it would be it's like oh you only eat white people you don't eat you don't eat i think it would be good to maybe have like a samoan or something because they're large and you get more bang for your buck per body i imagine it would taste a little like pineapple no i bet it's all very porkish because apparently all humans taste like pork but samoans

they're pumping their body full of pork all the time and so they probably taste fantastic salty that guy israel comic uh whatever the fuck the guy who sings somewhere over the rainbow that guy would have tasted delicious yeah if you would have if you would have cooked him long enough because i mean you have to render all that fat yeah he died a long time ago unfortunately yeah he's dead he's dead but it's dead, but it's a good song. It's a great song. He's playing that tiny little guitar, which looks even tinier in his gargantuan hands.

It's not a ukulele? Whatever you call the tiny guitar. Nah, it's a full-size guitar. He's just a big fella. No, that's a little fun fact. He was playing an oboe. That's a cello. And that's what it looks like. No, it's one of those... taylor you have to buy like a novelty giant guitar for asmr like it's like this what you need is a tiny tiny hat yeah you need a plantain get like a fake model plantain

that you can pull out as a reference for size all the time. Yeah, I need a plantain. Is it tame? Oh, my bad. My other little jokes... They're starting to get harsh. Dude, it is so loud. I made the mistake of putting it like this. Hit me with it. That's not that bad.

Do you scare your dogs with it what's that okay scare the dog do you try frighten your dogs with this noises and stuff or not no no i don't try and frighten them they're just pussies and they get scared of everything so call it a show yeah yeah wait uh, what do you have to shout out? What do you got? You can just catch me on at Champ Chong on Twitter, Instagram, and whatnot, and Champ Chong on YouTube.

Yeah. If you're into gaming news and whatnot and memes about games and consoles. Yeah. I just want to say thank you guys for having me on. That's like a big dream of mine. I was always the biggest fan, still am. And, yeah, appreciate it. Thank the biggest fan still am. And yeah, appreciate it. Thank you guys for having me.

And it's good that I came on only for half an episode. So I still get to watch the first half, which is really cool. So I don't get to miss out this week. And it means if I was a terrible guest, the audience doesn't like me, the rest of the little fuck nods, then I haven't ruined the entire show.

So yeah. No, you did a fantastic job. You did a great job. Thank you. Thank you. No worries. 497.

Yeah.