Painkiller Already - PKA 515 w BlameTruth - r/AskWomen, Forced Monkey Labor, Kyle's Vasectomy

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

Painkiller already Halloween edition Episode 515 with our guest Blame Truth Taylor This episode of PKA is brought to you by SmartMouth and Goat.com Who will learn more about a little later So what is everyone For Halloween Kyle you look to be a demon

Yeah I went with the devil And uh Is that This is very echoey And you can't hear me shit, so this mask is going to come off very soon. And also carbon monoxide poisoning, because there is no ventilation. Can you smell your own breath? Yeah, but I use smart mouth, so it's just minty fresh. That's right into that one.

It's delicious in there. But the problem is it's all carbon dioxide and i'm getting really dizzy okay and blame truth you are of course a fish i am the hipster from the black lagoon nice yeah okay i see i get it yeah. Woody appears to be gay. You know, from Reno 911. Kyle, what's the dude's name? Lieutenant Dangle. Lieutenant Dangle.

I've got the shorts on. Maybe I'll get up, get a coffee or something and give you guys quite the treat. But they are tight shorts. I know. I like how when I asked before the show, I'm like, Woody, please. You did the shorts and you were like, as though. Yeah, of course. Like, that's that's what began this idea.

The shorts. My chat kept leading me down these dangerous roads involving blackface, Adolf Hitler mustaches and more. But, you know, if you do blackface with a Hitler mustache, it's just a Jordan. Who's Jordan? Michael Jordan. He rocked the Hitler mustache for a bit. Michael Jordan. Who's Jordan? Michael Jordan. He rocked the head of the mustache for a bit. Michael Jordan. Do you think?

Okay. Yeah. Looks a lot more palatable on a black guy, I'll tell you. Yeah. A lot easier to get away with. And Taylor, you are? I am a squirrel. You're a squirrel.

Is your tail in the shot? No, it's hard to, but it's there. Wow. I like it. This is... But it's there. Wow. I like it. This is a $90 squirrel costume. And it's one size fits all my ass. It's falling apart already. It's going to be a nice sweaty episode.

And I can't read with these fucking... I want you to be like those women with the wedding dress. Like, if you think I paid all this money to wear it once, you're crazy. Hello, Walmart. Oh, I i'm absolutely gonna stream in this tomorrow oh yeah and then there's saturday right yep drive it into the ground this is not horrible by saturday no it'll be retired by then so this mustache appears to have like 15 minutes of stickiness in it but i I have two more, so we'll see how this works out. So, Kyle, you also have a cloak. Yeah, I was.

Hang on. Hang on. Yeah, that's just awful. It's just awful. It's just awful. See, now you're a Jedi. Easy peasy. One sec.

awful. See, now you're a Jedi. Easy peasy. One sec. Did you have wireless earbuds? Oh, he's probably fixing his audio now. Yeah. I thought they looked wired to me. I've got a wired one. I was gonna go with the white cloak, but that's a completely different costume.

That is. That's also more palatable in black. Yeah. Much more palatable in black. So it's Halloween season. What's everybody doing? I know, Blame Truth, you're a huge horror fan.

You've got a whole room of your house just for horror movies, right? Yes, I have an addiction. And this is the time of the year where I get to just fucking live that out. Good shit. What are you starting with? On Halloween day?

I'm going to try to do all the Hellraisers. Every single one of them. I hear they're fucking garbage after two. I might check out one. They're not great, but it's amazing. I've seen one.

I've seen Hellraiser 1 and that's it. I stopped there because it's supposedly the best. Yeah, it is the best. It is the best. Yeah, they get really crazy after the second one. They do get absurd. It sounds like I'm yelling in a padded room.

It's so thick. It's so hot. Yeah, you look like you're going to dehydrate by like hour or two, honestly. No, it's okay. I got mineral water to keep me going god i love what he's costume thank you i know i'm hoping he has to pee soon so i can see his act tight for last i feel like i can't smile or i'll lose the mustache but we'll we'll do our best okay you draw it back on that'll fix it oh genius sure she has some mascara woody can you grow a real

mustache yeah it's pretty gray but i grow a pretty solid beard maybe next year you can just like you know takes a lot of play right like three four weeks to grow a proper dangle mustache oh yeah at least at least like no you think i don't know maybe two well in two would be thick but it wouldn't be long. I don't even remember. I thought Lieutenant Dangle had a really thin, silly mustache. I think it's just like this. I looked at it. I had three mustaches to choose from and this is the closest.

I googled it. Google it. Where did you go for the costume? Did you get Amazon? Yeah, I picked it out on stream. We all agreed and we held a poll and we decided to go with the Dangle costume. It's pretty good. Did you get Amazon? Yeah, I picked it out on stream. Like, we all agreed, and we held a poll, and we decided to go with the Dangle costume, and it's pretty good.

You got to see me waist down. But then they wanted me to go as 6'9", and I'm pretty sure that was just another blackface play with all the tattoos and trying to avoid bad decisions. Yeah. I mean, to be clear, if you had shown up in blackface, we would have asked that you change before we started. Well, Taylor would have.

Yeah. Welcome to the final episode. PK. To the last episode. Well, we have a Patreon. We could all wear blackface and then it would be fine. I don't think that's how that works.

Okay. It's dividing by zero. If everyone's in blackface, it's an I Am Spartacus moment. Who will they cancel if we all wear blackface? They can't get all four of us. I mean, it's not the craziest plan I've ever heard in my life.

You know? I, of course, won't do it. It'll mess with my makeup. I'll be going into orange face. Yeah. Going into orange face again. So, you know, we hardly talked about politics this year. The election is in five days.

Is that about right? Four days? Something like that? Five? Yeah, we really did scoot past the. Is that about right? Four days? Something like that? Five? Yeah, we really did scoot past the season without talking about it much. And that's enough. Next. Yeah, it's not as entertaining.

The only politics talk I want to do is the fact about how boring it's been this time around. It was so fun when it was hillary there was supposed to be a season finale remember we were all excited for a season finale and it ended 2020 ended like game of thrones did you see tucker carlson's report it was pretty funny i did see some where he's like i sent super secret documents in the mail and they got taken it's like that's ridiculous what why would you do that he has this like we don't

have any copies we don't have any photos dog ate my homework but we totally nailed him we have the the magic documents now ups said they found him so we'll see maybe the whole thing is true but he looks silly for a day and the internet mocked him yeah but even if that is true who would ship it like that you know i don't know what kind of evidence it is without making a copy can you do like a drop box or something i mean i mean you could just take a photo with your phone right and have a second copy of the secret documents i feel like like if i wanted to verify them it's like a i don't know real reliable responsible like a you know a reputable reputable so i'm looking for a news agency i might want the

originals but i would also want you to scan in some pdf so i can see them now but i'm gonna wait till tomorrow to see these things like that it seemed a little fishy on the surface of course it didn't happen there's there's no there's no chance that hucker carlson was taken to court and he successfully argued that no reasonable person would believe the things he says on his show and won. Kyle knows the mail, so I trust his judgment. He knows what is and isn't shit.

You would always make a copy. It's so easy nowadays. There's no excuse. You can take a fucking Polaroid. I mean, shit. You can do it back in the day even. No excuse. I don't get it. Who's being fooled by that? People who watch Tucker Crane.

My Facebook feed is buying it hook, line, and sinker. My mom bought it. Do they also mail documents like that or pertinent things? They don't just fax or email or Dropbox it or file share. They know there's a lot of great options out there, right? Other than putting it in a box and mailing it. They're all over the board, really. You know, like you would think

the way that they express their political views that they're all like trailer park, you know, whatever. But they're not. A lot of them are really financially successful in love and life and the whole thing. And they're just die hard towards the right. That seems almost

like I think you're going to scoop up a lot of rich ones because of the nature of the hobby. The trailer park kooks aren't going to find their way into paramotoring. They're going to buy extra ATVs or a jet ski or a sea-do way before they get far down the line enough of boredom and experience until they're param to buy extra ATVs or like a jet ski or a sea do way before they get far down the line

enough of boring experiences until they're like paramount you know fair fair look I tried to be unbiased uh when I talk about stuff but I'm gonna let it slip you know what I really want this time you know I really want you know that awful crying democrat woman who couldn't believe Hillary lost yeah yeah she's the meme she's horrible i've been watching her for four years like portrayed as the typical liberal please give me an overweight trailer park angry trump supporter breaking maybe something of his own uh when he realizes that trump lost like can we get a counter meme for the next four years give me this give me this i've been taking the i think part of what uh what set it up for that though is that at the time it was like everyone went into

that night like foregone conclusion hillary's gonna win and so it hit a lot harder whereas this time a lot of people i think are going into it at least the three of us i don't know about blame truth anticipating biden to win and so it won't be as big a shock for people i guess some people are probably thinking like 100 50 california's going red like there's probably some people that's the people in my universe they're just all about trump you know they're hitting me up with trump's gonna show them again and a good 18 22 laughing emojis in a row next to it it's like come on like you're you're really rubbing it in for a guy who's eight points behind 11 points behind nationally like something like that gone but whatever i've got

a bunch of bets i paid you by the way taylor all right yeah yes but i is that the no that's not the biggest bet on the history of the show what you guys think that 100100. Oh, that'd be a tie then, yeah. I paid Kyle to Jesus Christ. All right. You got $5 back from me? I got a list of big bets on here that I've been writing down. If Biden wins, we'll clean it up. I should be in the black again. Wait, are you bets between who?

Like paramotor idiots. Well, I hope they're idiots. It's quite, but so far it's been me. It's the idiot. So how much, how much is on the line total? 300, I think, which would. Oh my goodness. You are going to be so upset if Trump wins.

Well, I mean, I do have $300, but we'll all keep eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. I know that. But Phil, I know you don't like to lose i yeah i where i'm especially unhappy is when i'm really confident and i lose like like we bet on fights and stuff and it's like you know like like i i wasn't sure going into it there when i lost a hundred dollars to you i think the bet was that Trump wouldn't be the candidate. That was the bet. And at the time, he was getting impeached. They were talking about the 25th Amendment. And I also

had this idea that he's, what, 74 years old and fat? Those were all the things I had. And I confidently exclaimed that Trump wasn't going to be running for re-election. That's what bothers me. It's okay to be wrong. It's not okay to be a dick aboutlection. That's what bothers me. Like, it's okay to be wrong. It's not okay to be a dick about it. And that's where I think I landed. So I apologize. And I paid. I mean, it made for great entertainment.

So that's worth every penny. There it is. But think about, like, this might be the last bit of political entertainment. 2024, what's it going to be? Like Ted Cruz versus Kamala? That's my pick. the last bit of political entertainment 2024 what's it going to be like ted cruz all right that's my pick paul ryan for a republican representative he won't be so here's here's my prediction what do i know but here it is after trump loses he won't be viewed as favorably as he is now fox news will turn on him people will say that he's this, you know, not a great candidate, not a great guy. They won't love him like they do right now. And then Paul Ryan, on the other hand,

is not smeared by Trump. He never really cozied up too much to him. He said, hey, we're not two peas in a pod, but we've got work to get done. And they pass tax cuts. He has a relatively clean slate and he looks, he looks the part and he's experienced enough he was the leader of the house he is pelosi what pelosi job is today and um i'm sorry is he very popular i thought he was you don't think so i just haven't heard about that dude in forever paul ryan yeah i remember i the uh there's a cover of a magazine with him where he's like working out yes that's the dude that's the dude yeah he's good looking he's young he's uh he was a leader of the party at one point i feel like he um he checks a lot of the boxes and he'll be a strong candidate who's that democratic

candidate with the silly bill dotryev looking face and the huge arms who works out all the time he's a rock do you know who i'm talking about who is that guy you're not talking about chris cuomo the the reporter no no he was one of the can you say his face again well when it comes to alphas the democrats only have so many to pick from kyle i had to i'm doing my best we're really the uh the ectomorph party it seems chris cuomo with his fake weights. True, true. But we've talked about that before.

They were so fake, I feel like they weren't meant to deceive. I still can't fathom what Joe Rogan was thinking. He's circled back and he's like, yeah, I talked to a couple of my powerlifting buddies and they were like, yeah, those are probably fake, too. It's like you had to call in professionals to figure that one out you could have called high school football players and they would have known like everybody oh well never mind i thought he was way bigger but he still looks a little like

bill dotreve to me in the episode where he gets a little into working out he he has a bill dotreve head yeah yeah not the body no much fitter DeDreave. I'll give him that. That shirt's too tight, nonetheless. That's a good-fitting shirt. When, like, you got pecs, you know. Might be too big on his belly if you want it. Don't you think it's a little too tight? I can determine. I can see the little freckles on his areolas there.

That's a good, that's a weather vane of too tight. If you can see the sub, they call that the sub nipple. I feel like he could have worn a flattering shirt that was just backing off a touch. Yeah, I can tell that shirt is so tight, I can tell that he has hairy nipples. You know what he needs to do? Just go to the

sale. Oh, you're right. You should just go to the Carhartt shirt listing on Amazon and buy 30 of them they're very cheap you can wear them every day carhartt shirts are cheap enough to buy 30 of at the time are they a dollar 50 because that's about a lot of them when there was literally a mistaken listing someone mistakenly listed it for way too much money and i bought a lot of them and it got fixed but too much too little too little money oh okay i was like of them and it got fixed. Too much? Too little. Too little money. I was like, oh, there's something on a $20 shirt

for $35. Write to your friends about how much money you wish. My God, this is hot. Two of the other night we had a high stakes game of code names in the Discord.

Remember the two $50 patrons that were screaming at each other in the in the discord too oh my god the remember the two uh the two $50 patrons that were like screaming at each other in the uh in the hangout yeah yeah that was insulting each other back and forth was it fish and dm is that what we're talking or dirty no uh it's uh it's dirty and dm uh they had they were getting really mad and it went on for a long time yeah like it was a lot angrier than i remembered when i'd hung out there before wait yeah are we talking about the hangout or the code name okay yeah the hangout i was there for and like i we talked about a little bit on pkn i forget it was the lost part but i couldn't tell how much of that was friends busting each other's balls and enemies being

mean to each other there's a really genuinely dislike each other they genuinely seem to dislike each other yeah in the hand i mean i was i'm new to the whole situation but i jumped in just to see what everyone was up to in like a public chat and everyone it was like people taking a vote with kyle as the grand arbiter deciding whether or not people could get together to cover his portion of one of someone's portion of the 50 to kick them off and i was like, what is happening here? And Kyle has to come down and be like, guys, this isn't Survivor. You can't vote people

out of the discourse. That's not how this works. Did I get the impression that you could vote? We kicked him off last night. You should know. We actually kicked him off last night. So it turned out it's just like Survivor. Kyle went to me and he's like, Woody, they put

together a court document and and they listed all of his like offenses things that he's done and really he was like ready to attack my family and leave in a blaze of fire and i was like well i've heard enough also um snuffkin didn't like him. And I don't know. She's a mechatronics major. Her opinion weighs heavy with me somehow. They literally had one of those letters that say, like, we the undersigned. And it was like they had laid out their case. I'm told that they have sent you the same court documents in triplicate. They went so far as soak the envelope in tea or

something to make it look old-timey and then stamp it with one of those old-timey stamps where you melt the wax. I assured them you'd frame it like a diploma. I got another thing in the mail. Hold on a second. Let me show you what I got. Yes, get up stand up

literally covering his cock so that this stays on the air i mean the sacrifice you have to make to get monetized yeah seriously i love how that went down you're like you're like i was like guys this is a survivor you can't just vote each other off. And Woody's like, actually, we voted him off last night. The tribe has spoken. That was all news to me. I didn't know that's the way it went. Yeah, yeah, that happened.

It was in the chat here. They sent me those documents, and I was like, they were like, just send these to Woody. See what he thinks. And I was like, all right, I'll pass them along. I gave him the Roman Emperor down thing. Yeah, he sent me the Joaquin Phoenix thumbs down from Gladiator.

Kyle did the same thing. I'm like, oh, I don't get credit for all the down moments. So it says, congratulations, you deserve it. And I was like, oh, I wasn't expecting this. And then it says, eat a dick

and there was a chocolate dick and I ate it. So it's not my proudest moment. Was it like one of those Cadbury eggs? Was it cream filled? I was hoping my wife and I were talking about that like there'd be something. No, it wasn't solid chocolate though.

There was like something minty, maybe, and it was good. Ooh. Hmm. Mint chocolate cock. But yeah, I ate the dick. We didn't have any trail mix in the house. We appreciate you covering your genitals,

getting up to make sure that this can stay on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? If clips of V that this can stay on YouTube. Yeah. Well, you know what? If clips of 9-1-1 could stay on YouTube, I'd be shocked out. Probably. Woody may be more hung than the actual

Lieutenant Dangle. I don't know. Those shorts are awfully small. Yeah. Mine are small. That's what I'm referring to. Oh, I thought you were talking about dangles. Oh, no. His are nice and loose fitting compared to yours.

Those bad boys are on there. I like that. Paint it on. They're painted on. One size fits all. They weren't prepared for a 47-year-old man who squats. Well, I hope the fans appreciate my costume. Speaking of which, Bl speaking of which last time we talked to you you were still hard in the paint working out getting buff and everything are you still

grinding working hard at that yeah yeah not as not as much because it's a it becomes like a fucking obsessive like time investment thing you know so uh pretty much the same just kind of maintaining at this point you know posting thirst trap pictures and getting single moms to hit me up you know so how's that going banged any single moms recently not recently no not recently so where do you single moms what's that where do you i said troll i don't know just in a fishing sense you drag your line through the water where do you troll where the where the where do you, I said troll. I don't know. It just, in a fishing sense, you drag your line through the water. Where do you troll? Where are the,

where are the, where do you find single moms? You guys aren't single. So you don't know, but if you are single, uh, from October until mid December, it's called cuffing season. You ever heard of that?

Uh, it's where single women or single people in general will like hit other people up on social media. So I just on my Facebook, I don't really use it, but I just changed my picture to like thirst trap fucking, you know, thirst trap picture. And if you guys I don't want to get you to monetize, so I won't show it. I don't want to get you demonetized, so I won't show it. I changed it to that picture. You just wait, and then they add you,

and then they never say anything. It's usually single moms or married women in some cases. Can I see this picture? I want to see what a thirst trap picture is. I assume it's the best version of you. It's pretty good. I don't know if you can see that. You're wearing nothing but an apron. Is that just an apron?

Just an apron Just an apron Nice I do like the apron It says, hey, I know how to have a laugh Yeah, exactly And I can make an omelette I like cooking naked And it's a health hazard to not wear an apron

That's awesome Have you ever had any fuckery where the children were around so i'm imagining these aren't you know 52 year old women with adult children i'm imagining they've you know younger women about your age young kids how do you how do you deal with that so uh i typically don't mess i i just like get attention from them i don't actually see them if they're single moms but back in the day i did date a single mom once and it didn't end too well because she would keep she would keep inviting me to hang out with her and her kid i would always i would always make

up some excuse that i couldn't go and the first excuse I always went for was like, I have diarrhea. So about the eighth time I had diarrhea, she, she broke up with me. So that was that. I'll just be like, yeah, my,

I mean, it was kind of believable because my mom cooked with expired food all the time. I always tell her like, Hey, don't eat the food. My mom's crazy. You know, uh,

so to start raising a kid that already had like the beginning, always tell her like hey don't eat the food my mom's crazy you know uh so i wouldn't want to start raising a kid i had already had like the beginning it's like starting rolling the dice on i don't know what's happened earlier i've seen yeah so obviously if your kid is like six weeks old well that might be too young 12 weeks old you can fuck in front of him, whatever. At what age does that stop? Oh, definitely by like 10. Hmm. 15. 15.

At Woody's house, it was just never. No, but really, yeah. I mean, realistically, I would say two. Two. So they'd be walking around and you're still hitting it okay i like your style i remember nothing from two but from that's true that's true but they might try to participate no i wouldn't do two because i remember that monkey birthday party and i don't want my kid remembering me fucking as one of their first memories that's their early memory is going to

be mom being attacked by a polar bear like they'll fuck it up a little bit just yeah i would say by the time they're up and walking around it's it's too late you should probably stop fucking because then they really rapidly start talking like a lot of my friends are having kids and it's it's weird how they go from basically a lump of whatever to then six months later you show up and it's like oh wow fuck you're like a little person now you're like saying little phrases parroting things and you know there's a lot of that's when i start liking them yeah yeah they're much more likable a lot of people they love the little like i don't know just like balls of fluid. And that's not that's not my favorite kind of person.

I like them when they start being people. I like when I can accidentally teach kids to misbehave. I was at a Renaissance fair a couple of weeks ago and one of my friend's kids was there and he's like two and a half, like just mimicking. And he was like joking around, like kicking dirt and kick dirt at my shoe. And I was like, he didn't even realize he was doing it. I'm like, Oh yeah,

well I kick dirt at you joking around. And I kicked, I kicked a little bit of dirt on his shoes for the next, like I caused his parents like 25 minutes of problems because he would just run ahead and go, I kick dirt at you. I was like, man, I'm glad I'm on this side of the fence right now,

but I can imagine how annoying that is when the kid just won't let something go. But it was, Taylor thinks that's funny. So a year from now, when he has kids, I'll get them like, I don't know,

my first DJ starter kit. Oh, my first gong. I like it. Mustache is down. Mustache is down. It's got a little, Oh, my first gong. I like it. I like the way you say it. Mustache is down. Mustache is down. It's got a little stick left and there's two more.

It's okay. Don't burn through the other two too fast. You've got hours to go. So you don't fuck the single moms? You just talk to them? Because that seems like a waste of time. No, I don't talk to them. You just use them to feel better about them they just i it's you just

use them to feel better about yourself yeah it's just an ego thing yeah uh yeah there was actually a girl i uh had a crush on in high school and she wouldn't she wouldn't give me like the time of day back then and she hit me up um like i don't know, six months ago or something like that and was trying to reconnect and I saw she had a kid and I'm like, no, I'm good. I have diarrhea. I have diarrhea still.

You get to laugh last. Exactly. Oh, but she's clearly single. Single mom now. It's the North Carolina thing, man. I think we're bottom. I think we're the fucking last ranked in

what is it? STDs? Either STDs or teen pregnancies or something like that. Are we last ranked? No, the worst. The worst. Do you mean the most? We have the most STDs and the most teen moms.

That's winning to me. I feel like you're putting a negative spin on it. We have the most. We are number one in STDs. We are number one in teen pregnancies. We're 48th in teacher pay. So that's cool. Is that true?

I looked up. We were 32nd in teacher 32nd in TGP. I looked it up recently. Did it go up? It was 48th last night. My stats were from 2018. I heard somewhere in the middle. I was looking at the last night.

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's good for North Carolina because it'll be like COVID. Eventually, you guys will all just be immune to the normal STDs as long as you fuck it up.

Yeah, exactly. We'll be able to pass you by. We're going to evolve here in North Carolina. Evolve past the STD norm. It'll be great. I wonder when... So did my Facebook feed. Sorry.

They're all like, what are you guys going to do on November 4th when the pandemic's over? Do you think there's any truth to that? Is there any... Like, has it been hyped at all i feel like it's irresponsible to even ask that question but i don't i'm i'm interested to like have they started coming out with like what the flu numbers for this year are like

compared to covid or anything i don't know i know the death numbers are way up like the amount of deaths numbers are up and death numbers were down i'm talking about deaths in general like we have something like a quarter million and extra deaths in america this year and the difference is covid yeah well that makes sense i mean then i would say no it's definitely not going to end wait we have a quarter million additional death to whatever the normal compared to what you think the schedule should be yeah you know we got 50 million of heart disease because we eat nothing with that and then no so that's weird to me because because like hear me out it everyone's been so many people have been sheltered that means that fewer people have been on the highways right which is i would think responsible for a lot of

the deaths we have it seems like we would have saved a lot of people by keeping people like locked down that's like 50 000 a year in cars or something yeah yeah it seems like we so so it a lot of people don't know there are unaccounted for covid deaths that the numbers of deaths are higher than they say it is so even though we're claiming like what 220 000 something like that the number is closer to 300 and that may be no i looked at your facebook and they're quite sure that they have way blown that out of proportion. I heard there's like eight to ten deaths. I've heard that too. Same source.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But apparently deaths are like got more deaths in America than we're supposed to have at this point. And it's because of COVID. But I – there's this thing and I'm not immune to it we're all kind of done with the pandemic right isn't everyone a little done i'm trying to figure out whether i should schedule a trip to columbia i was thinking about it hard today i'm going out to a i'm going out to a bar on halloween night which might be the dumbest thing ever but you know right but like we're done with the pandemic but the pandemic's not done with us yeah or how do we balance everywhere pretty much open they just tell you the same stuff

that restaurants do just like hey you got to wear your mask you got to stay six feet apart restaurants in particular aren't hazardous silly call it what you will right like i can wear a mask at like a gym i can wear a mask in a lot of places and perhaps lower my risk. But at a restaurant, a mask there is just theater. You know, you're just pretending to take a health precaution because you're about to take it in. Yeah, you wear it in and you take it off immediately. Like what's the point, you know? And I could say it another way.

You wear it for 30 seconds and then you don't wear it for 40 minutes. It's like having sex with a condom for like the first few minutes and then taking it off for the last few it's like is that safe sex well for a while it was perfect i love that yeah um so you put the condom back on after raw dogging yes well i always finish in the condom back on after raw dogging. Yes. Well, I always finish in the condom, of course. Oh, then it's safe, dude. Yeah.

I'm not sure what the parallel is there. Like, I don't know. Maybe you put that you're putting the condom back on for the drive home, perhaps. Taking her back to her house and put the condom on. But anyway, yeah. So yeah so like it's harder to shut down this time around there are if you guys don't know the case numbers are higher than they've ever been we've been breaking records for like three out of the last five days and um but it's hard to like shut everything down we tried shutting it down you know the economy can only take so much of a hit the people only willing to sacrifice so much or I don't know.

Maybe I wish I had phrased that better, but take it as you will. So, yeah, I don't know what happens with COVID next. I'm kind of curious about it. How bad is it going to be? Probably keep going up since it's flu season now. But yeah, I mean, how many millions of people have it? How many million people need to get it until it's like, all right, you got the herd immunity now? 60 percent eight

70 two thirds that's gonna take forever yeah you don't get herd immunity from from like 400 000 people getting it when there's like 300 million of us something like this is i think we're about eight million now and uh two-thirds of 330 is incalculable now. So do we need to go from 8 million to 220 million, roughly? Yeah. So we're not... Get out of the bars, boys! Let's go! Yes, Blame Truth is doing a public service. Open mouth sneezing onto light fixtures

in public places. I'll just go and start licking doorknobs at the bar. I'm still locked down. I haven't been to a restaurant. I don't remember the last time I was in a restaurant. I honestly have no idea when it was. I remember I been to a restaurant. I don't remember the last time I was in a restaurant. I honestly have no idea when it was. I remember I went to a Red Lobster sometime last year. I don't fucking know.

That's a terrible last memory. Kyle locked down four months before the pandemic started. Yeah. I really did. I locked down since February 18, except for a brief stint in the can. I was also locked down. Pretty much, yeah. It seemed kind of serious right from the beginning. I don't know.

Wait, that's not the Kyle I remember. I ranked it a 1 out of 10 on my danger scale. 1 being the most dangerous. I remember that eventually. This is so false. You mocked me roundly for saying that it might be serious. I don't know how your danger scale works, but... All right, we can retcon that.

That's okay. You've seen it from the beginning. I've been wrong every step of the way. I thought it was going to go away because of summer. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. I thought it was going to go away because of summer um i didn't think it was going to be a big deal i thought it was going to be as big a deal as ebola was right right out of the gate and then it became a bigger deal in march and i was like cool thankfully though summer's coming the flu always ends it kind of didn't july was a peak and uh now they say winter's coming and i'm

like what the fuck does weather matter or not you guys have just picked whatever's worse it seems like both times and been right both times i don't get it doesn't seem to matter i mean i'm sure there's crowds on the beaches in florida yeah but they're outside that only helps so much i think that matters what do you mean what i mean if you're if they're making out and like laying two feet away from each other yeah as they were it's the beach in florida they're spitting in each other's eyes like all day anywhere in florida um yeah so i think florida had the whole spring break break thing and then they became like the epicenter of a global pandemic and then sturges happened and now north dakota and south dakota is the worst place around uh we'll see

where it's well for capita but again we've talked about that that's a bit deceptive because there's only eight people there there's like six of them have it eight hundred and they'll be fine each state so it's a thousand i know that's not north. We had a North Dakotan in the hangout. Somebody was like, what is it, like two, three million people? Harry's like, we're hoping to get to a million by 2030. A million by 2030. Man. But their numbers are outrageous.

Like their per capita is double what New York's ever was. I think something close to that. Yeah, that's fair. I don't know what it's going to do i just don't care anymore i i when i say don't care like i'm doing it's like starship troopers i'm doing my part right i'm locked the fuck down over here i don't get to see anybody i haven't been my favorite things to do are like go to the movies go out to restaurants and i haven't done either of those things in almost a year you know like like i'm doing my part i'm i got my goddamn hand sanitizer i got like eight

fucking masks my eight because i'm always losing them and every car needs one and then i'll bring it in and i'll leave it on the bathroom counter and then i'll be out to like walk into a grocery store and they're like oh where's your mask and I'm like oh it's at fucking home it's at Fuddruckers do you have we were talking about do you have the stylish or the more stylish

masks yeah I buy I buy Kitty's mask she makes them on her Etsy store on One Tree Lane and I bought so I get the ones that she makes are they masculine yeah i suppose so i mean they don't have like a big pink pussy in the middle or i'm sure if that's masculine or feminine yeah it could be either one yeah there's not yeah i have a black one i have a tan one the plumber came over the other day and jackie's like here put this on

and it's like there are bows on this i you And it's like, there are bows on this. You were going to have to change it up. That's not okay. Why are all the You guys are putting fashion ahead of safety. I've got the box of surgical masks. Once you use one outside, you just toss it. Just throw it away.

Pick a fresh one. That's terrible for the environment. That's terrible for fashion. Yeah. It's terrible for both. But it's better You can't put me out of the Patreon! That's true. But uh no. They're better

for keeping the little droplets in right? Like at this point I'll still go to restaurants and bars and stuff, but I abide by all the rules. You think cotton means cloth? Yeah, yeah. Those surgical masks are better than cloth.

I think mine is the best. Mine's cloth, but it has an insert to put this like filter in front of it, and that's what you breathe through. Is that what you have also, Kyle? No. Oh, yeah. But I like yours. It might even be carbon in there. I don't know. It's a thing. I like pretending to be a doctor.

It's a different kind of stolen valor. Doctor, squirrel, owl, doesn't matter. Did you guys know that beards act as a natural filter for germs? Is it a filter or a germ collector right like that's up for debate all they have to do is find a bunch of viruses on

your mustache and act like it did a good thing but i could argue the opposite that's true that virus would have scooted on by you hadn't had that if it hadn't been for that mustache just reaching out and grabbing it you're like an air broom just collecting viruses. You're like a walking air filter, yeah. Yeah. Or it could be like a whale's teeth, you know, where the krill come in and they kind of get stuck. Ah, maybe. Those little bacteria and the virus.

Yeah. Maybe. I'd rather it be in my beard than in my lungs. You know what I mean? Because you shower and you wash your face and all that stuff. I have this thought, though, that it doesn't do much. like okay i've heard that nose hairs perform that function too that you inhale and it grabs all the viruses and bacteria and keeps them out of your lungs and i'm like the fuck like that's the worst filter in the world my nose hairs you can see past them what kind of

filtering can you get like it can't be stopping air and viruses and things like that like it that's bullshit i'm not buying like the the nose hair teams working in your in your nose it's just happenstance like oh i got one we stopped the virus oh there it goes never mind two trillion other little bits got by exactly that is true why didn't i think of this was that just some biologist being like well there's got to be some reason there's hair in there ah a filter yeah oh i i feel like biologists are doing this all the time they're constantly like, oh, you see this thing with the long neck? It involved that long neck to eat the trees.

Oh, really? Or did it eat the trees because that's the only thing at head height? Maybe that's not a perfect example, but there are tons of things. A better one is this. Hey, poisonous snakes are red and yellow. It tells all the other animals

that this is a scary one. Non-poisonous snakes, well, they're also red and yellow because It tells all the other animals that this is a scary one. Non-poisonous snakes. Well, they're also red and yellow because it wants all the other animals to think that it's poisonous. Get the fuck out of here. You're just making things up at this point. You're just pretending that you figured out why this thing's red and yellow. Yeah.

Maybe. Hello. Red and black. Venom. It's venom. Lack. Venom.? Venom lack. It's venom lack. Venom lack. Okay. Venom lack.

No wonder. That's a terrible term. What's the berry one? Is it red and sweet, good to eat? Something like that? It's just don't eat berries in the woods. Don't eat berries in the fucking woods. Don't eat berries in the woods.

Yeah. I have that right. Don't eat berries in the woods. I have friends that have full confidence they can find the mushrooms that get you high in the cow fields sure in the cow field but you wouldn't want to go in the forest and like oh yeah that's a good one and that's a bad one there's so many different kinds you got to be a fucking expert to figure that shit out so that's that's what i was always taught growing up like never eat a mushroom out of the ground it takes a serious level of expertise and even if it looks like the good mushroom

there are other mushrooms that that are bad that look like it too and you just don't know stay away stay away and then i have friends who are like oh no the ones growing out of cacao patties they get you high and apparently they they do it i didn't see it but i i've been told the stories that they're successfully getting free mushrooms yeah that's that's where i got my mushrooms well the person who sold them to me that's where he got them see he's a job creator right he's out there i didn't have a horrific reaction to them so maybe he picked the wrong reaction i mean look to call what happened to me getting high you know it's like calling a car accident fun yeah it was exciting can you do it again when i've almost a 0% hit rate on asking, what was high like?

But were you sick a lot? Did you throw up? Did you get – I got – Did you see things that were there? First, I had a panic attack and I passed out and hit my head on one of those things you hang sunglasses on in Walmart. Oh, I remember this story now. Yeah.

And then you faked it until you then there was like 45 minutes of what i what i call terror um where i was just sitting at a sunny's barbecue um with no appetite just basically hiding until the terror went away and my pupils stopped being the size of like my whole eyeball and uh and i stopped sweating so much and then that i'll tell you this it was the happiest day of my entire life though not because of what the mushrooms did to me but just because of how happy we were when we made it back to my house unscathed like we literally sat there in bed and hugged each other like it's over it's over like the end of the movie yeah literally like the end of the movie like we were both like teary-eyed hugging each other so happy to be safe now to be back

home and away from the outside world i don't know what we were thinking going on a trip eating mushrooms it does sound like they were the right kind of mushrooms though yeah it sounds like i know it wasn't amazons or something i wouldn't know but no i'm talking about like i think they were called amazons or something did they rinse all the poo off of course they rinsed that's actually a good question you gotta eat the poo too that's part of it you know i think we've talked about this on the show before but i don't know the answer if i smell poo what's in my nose exactly are there little particles of poo right couldn't it just be methane gas yeah gas like you smell poop so you don't like it's like a warning thing like it's such a strong stench or stench because there's

so much bacteria and shit. What is the gas? Little poo particles that are further apart, right? Little methane and poo bits. Does it have to be poo bits? Couldn't it just be methane gas? What's transferring the smell of poo? The methane gas. But then, why do not all farts just smell the same then if it's all just the

methane? There's little bits of poo in there. Why don't all farts smell the same this is science we're doing here well now you're comparing farts to the smell of poo yeah okay let's go there uh when i smell somebody's fart have i inhaled some amount of their poo little bits of poo you've inhaled, yes. Yeah, little tiny particles. I'm not happy about this. Because otherwise you couldn't smell the poo. This is also why I have a beard. Yeah, it's trapping.

Oh, if you collect what he says, you get to keep it. I love the smell of my own brand. I sure hope my wire team is ready it says here that if they fart closely enough to your to your nose then you could indeed inhale bacteria laden droplets of poo yeah but on the other hand i infer from that like let's say I'm in the same room as Taylor and it has passed through a layer of underwear, a layer of pants and gone six feet to me. There's no poo in there, I think. No, I think you have a filter. Yeah.

If you're like naked and just lighting farts on fire and then he smells it, there's a good chance he's actually getting burnt poo probably at that point. You don't have to be naked to light farts on fire. That's true. That's true. Those shorts you're wearing are plenty tight. Those shorts might not be enough of a filter. These shorts might be flammable. Yeah.

Oh God. And they'd be hard to get off. Oh, they just turn into burning plastic. Your fart's going to sound like a drum roll. Hold on. Yeah. Well, I mean, do you do anything to your nose hair me who any of you i trim it i don't like

it it my i'm pretty hairy and mine comes out and like becomes one with my mustache and i think it looks gross i trim it i don't get a ton of nose hair surprisingly every once in a while i'll feel one that's like oh that one's getting long I'll pull that but like it doesn't really stick out it doesn't connect to my mustache I imagine just one long like Rapunzel hair is coming out of

your fucking nose and you're just like eh have you ever got one of those where it's like hanging out of your nose a tiny bit and you're like oh let's see that and you pull it and you're like oh was that attached up here was it attached up here? Was it attached near the inside of my eye? He's missing one eyebrow.

They're so long. They're like an inch and a half long or something. Your nose hairs are an inch and a half long? Yeah. Mine are a half inch at the longest. And I sometimes trim them with scissors but i should invest in the one of those circular nose hair trimmer things yeah i plug that's that's what i use it's worth it it's like 15 bucks that's 15 bucks we ever spent recharge you can get this uh this nose waxing kit where there's like a thing that you put the wax on and put it in your nose

and then you get it all with one pull that sounds awful that sounds awful yeah that'll wake you up in the morning yeah have you ever done that oh yeah how would you do this to yourself you can breathe you can breathe infinitely better like like like it's it's like if you've ever had a cold for like two weeks or something and then finally like you decongest and you're like oh wow that's what it's like to get a full breath of air that's what it's like when you get all that hair out of your nose but then your nose hair can't catch like the bacteria one millionth of a bacteria i've survived thus far that's how i know what he's absolutely right about the nose hair catching bacteria

i'm still alive have you ever used those things that you like wrap onto your nose it's a cleansing strip oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and you like rip that off you're like oh man my nose just feels clean and tidy like i don't know how to describe it like you just all your pores perfectly clean i like that i never like i looked even worse like like right now all the pores on my nose they're not that visible because they're they're pretty much spackled right like like like a damaged drywall and then you pull them all out now your nose is like empty craters in it like oh it looks like it looks like spongebob after i do it yeah yeah it depends how big your pores are on your nose i guess pretty big spongebob after i do it yeah yeah oh god it depends how big your pores are on your

nose i guess pretty big spongebob would be pretty shocking that would be like that uh i was gonna say fetish but i guess the opposite of that a phobia uh that people who don't like holes and things which i'm convinced it sounds a little made up have you heard of that one it's like a big one on reddit where it's, oh, I hate seeing pictures of things with holes in them. What the fuck is that called? I don't know. You know what I'm talking about. That's a made up phobia.

If you ask me, I'm sorry. I'm not aware of that one. Everything has your own face has several holes in it. Yeah. Everything has holes in it. Let's see. Everything good. More holes in it let's see everything good there have to be good things without holes yeah like what ice cream see now some of the things on here are gross but i'm not scared of them ice cream doesn't have holes in it if you go to top

all time on here try phobia try pop try try pop yeah trypophobia like the top all time on here. Tryphobia. Trypop. Trypophobia. Like the top all time. It's like, yeah, this is really gross popping worms out of an animal. But it's like, I'm not afraid of that. Yeah. I would be afraid if I had the worms in me. I would hate that.

Oh, God. Oh, my goodness. Have you guys heard of somebody's leg? No. What am I looking of somebody's leg? No. What am I looking at? A dog? Yeah. Don't look at this anymore. This is a rough one.

Boy. Oh boy. Wait, wait, can we post only use me blades legs on this subreddit? Oh, we've, we've taken a gander at those.

Had, did you, we watched a whole bunch of videos from his, uh, his recent stuff last week. Yeah. Um, have you seen him,

the guy peeing on him no i didn't see that yeah he's like laying on the couch like kind of passed out there's a blanket over his head so the guy pees kind of on the blanket but i'm not sure blade is fully aware of what's happening because he's and then uh he's like dude what the fuck and he blade does a real good job of making you feel like you're the dick socially which i guess in this case wouldn't be a real hard trick. He's getting peed on. And then after the guy stops peeing or runs out of pee, really, he covers the blanket up and continues to use it. I don't know if Blade is fully aware of what's happening.

Then they stole his teeth. Wait, he lost his teeth? He had his fake teeth stolen. He lost his teeth many He had them stolen from him. He had his fake teeth stolen. He lost his teeth many moons ago. Okay, yeah. So, like, he's passed out. And first of all, they've already painted his face blue, like bright blue. But they, like, wedge his mouth open, and one guy reaches in and takes his teeth out, steals them, and then holds them up, like, triumphantly.

Like, boom. Like Zelda music plays. Exactly. No, I didn't know about this. So his legs have gotten worse. I think the legs are fine as far as I know. It's not that. It's that other issues have taken center stage.

The legs are still waiting in the wing for next season or whatever happens. Last I heard, or last i saw uh his toe was about to fall off that's where he was at the last time we talked to him he poured some jaeger on that and it straightened it right out wow okay this is the caramelized sugar and alcohol you know you know i joke like like there's a video of them pouring jaeger on his like rotten like like wounds. That can't be good for it. Like maybe maybe try hydrogen peroxide.

Yeah, that could work to cheaper. Probably is cheaper to that ship has sailed. No, I think his leg and his toe have actually improved, but his teeth are on the decline and he when he was on this show,

he had been sober for like 10 days, he said. And he was, you know, pretty with it. He was the Blade. You know Blade from back in the day. Like he was great. But he was also saying stuff like, I'm just taking a little brief time off from drinking.

I'll be back at it. And that wasn't encouraging. And getting back at it, bad wasn't encouraging and getting back at bad what i don't understand is and i see this all the time on twitch i mean i get that he likes to drink right and i get that that's his thing that he does for money at this point but couldn't you just fake it like people do that all the time on Twitch, especially, you know, like female streamers and stuff. Like I'm not going to name names,

but I know people who do drinking streams that it's not real. It's not real alcohol. Like, couldn't he just. Well, it seems like, I mean, he, he told us, he's like, well, it's more of a streaming thing than a drinking thing. But I think the reality is it's more of a drinking thing. Yeah. That must be it. The streams as a way to almost, you know, enable and facilitate it to be like,

well, if I don't get blackout drunk again, how am I going to stream? How am I going to make money? I have to, well, you know, if I wasn't streaming, I wouldn't be doing this, but I am. So here we go. You know, that would be my guess. Like, I think I'm an amateur drinker.

I know I'm an amateur drinker, but Taylor, like how many times in your life have you gotten as drunk as it seems that blade gets like almost on a nightly basis like how many times have you gotten just fall into a pile go piss in a closet drunk jesus christ i've never pissed in a closet i know i'm just using that as like like you know like a reference not in a very long time like when i was younger and even now i was i wasn't even i made it to bed and fell asleep at pk 140 just fine nothing happened uh yeah i can't really remember the last time i got so

drunk i was falling down i would i can't recall the time i've been so drunk I would not know and react with fury if someone began pissing on me. That would snap anyone right back to sobriety. Like, you're pissing on me right now? Like, the animal brain gets going and it ticks or something. Well, I feel almost obligated to fight at this point. You can't pee on me. You can't pee on me. Yeah, I mean, I guess let's give this a go.

Here we are. Yeah, I think blade could take i i don't know blade's bigger but he just doesn't look he has any muscle right well he means he doesn't need any protein doesn't look like i haven't you know like sometimes you lose but you can't just get peed on no you can't then they keep doing it then you get shit on they keep doing it. Then you get shit on. Then they keep doing it. They keep doing it. Next, they shit on you. Yeah. They're going to amp it up until you wake up, man. He was a level of drunk in that where it's like if someone is around

and they're that drunk, you start worrying. With Blade, it'd be different. It's like, okay, he gets this drunk every night for the most part. This is what he does. But Kyle, let's say you're throwing a little party, a little shindig, and there's someone there. It's 11.15. You're ready for everything to go. Someone's that wasted. You're annoyed,

but part of you is also thinking, I hope he's okay. I hope he doesn't die on my couch. He doesn't vomit and choke on my nice couch. Or add even more like, who doesn't die on my couch? Who doesn't vomit and choke on my nice couch? Or add even more like, I don't know, potential culpability to it and make it a girl, right? Yeah.

Like there's a girl at your house who is so fall down drunk that she hasn't noticed that I've peed on her. I'm worried for her now, you know? Now I'm concerned. Now I'm concerned. Yeah, this happened a few years oh at this point probably almost five years ago and i was hanging out with a few buddies of mine and he had this is when i lived near the city and the stairs to get up to my place and my loft were

incredibly steep not safe to be carrying a person we'll say and they came back to my place end of the night and everybody was wasted and so i was like all right everybody just pick a couch and fall asleep my buddy he's like dude i don't want to put my sister to bed yet she will vomit like i know we're all tired but we kind of have to be vigilant a little bit that turned into me sitting and like kind of paying attention to her while they were more falling asleep and she started like while laying on the side of my couch started doing like inner sleep like boys boys awake away but before like i could fix anything she vomited all over my fucking couch fuck that it was like three in the morning and these two buddies of mine who were also stumbling

around drunk were like it's okay we'll carry her out the down the stairs get her home in an uber and like they got her like not a light girl to the top of the stairs and they were about to walk down a 45 degree angle of stairs and i had to tell them like guys she is gonna you're gonna drop her and she's gonna die and there's gonna be a dead person at the bottom of this stairwell my stairwell yeah my stairwell the next morning one of them was like, Taylor, did we try and lock Stephanie out of here? And I was like, yeah.

And he goes, oh, woo. They would have absolutely slipped and she could have died. But yeah, all that to say, it's fucking annoying when someone vomits on your couch. Did she vomit? What kind of material is this couch? Is this leather or microfiber? It was microf oh fuck what did you do i had to go on youtube and come up with and watch different videos of like club soda mixed with other stuff

until i eventually scrubbed enough to get it out it didn't work did it there was still a smell it was never back to 100 and that couch has been thrown away yeah and it sucks because it was a nice one it was one of those couches where like you know and it wasn't it was like a love seat you know where in the middle they have the two cup holders and the little thing where you can put stuff she was more like just curled up on one side of it and vomited onto that side of the armrest I would have walked down

between the cushion and the armrest I'd have immediately jumped up ran behind the couch grabbed it and like flipped jumped her out of it on the fucking floor like if if there's no way if you are prone to vomiting in your sleep then you can't sleep on my couch i didn't know at the time they told you they told you she was too late it was too late like what am i supposed to do well i probably should just put her on the floor honestly what you actually do if someone is going to sleep and there's someone who's prone to vomiting in your sleep you definitely put

them on their side and then you take a like a garbage bag and you put it over their head and you secure it like a rubber band around the neck with the drawstring yeah you can use the drawstring but sometimes that slips off. Sometimes they're able to claw at it. It should be watertight. Or airtight. Definitely watertight. Definitely watertight. Now you've got an even bigger mess to clean

in the morning. Now you've got a whole body to saw apart. To saw apart. What else are you going to do? Do you guys ever think about that? Where you like all right and just i'll just imagine like okay someone a body in my house how do i get rid of it oh i can't think of anything that's not all the time it's slowly over months throw it away in like a public taco bell dumpster have you seen have you seen Breaking Bad? You can

dissolve it in acid and flush it out. I don't know. I'll fantasize about that and be like, I'll just figure out the acid part. There's no way I'm going to be too paranoid to Google how to make acid. Did they eat his bathtub and they fell out the bottom? Exactly. Jesse fucked it up,

but you can use plastic. Oh, right. I'm a much better scientist than Jesse. Yeah. You but you can use plastic. Oh, right. I'm a much better scientist than Jesse. Yeah. I think I go full on. You gotta go Dexter. You gotta do it like Dexter did it. You gotta cut that body into arms, legs, torso, head. Throw it in the

Gulf Stream, was it? It was the Gulf Stream after they found his original stash. Yeah, but for those of us in the Midwest, just bury him randomly around the ozarks man the ozarks you know that nothing sir if you were to throw the ozarks the alligators and the critters would eat that thing up in two days that's true that's a that's a couple hours for me though that's a good amount of drive time with bodies you know that'd be a very stressful

drive i think that's why i keep the tacoma around right because it might my ford gets tracked there's like satellites and gps's and crap built into it my phone does but if i go phone free in the tacoma i'm pretty sure i can transport a body without being tracked my other plan because i was like man how long would it take teddy and Fozzie, my 12 and 15 pound dogs, to eat a person? To slowly eat? Years. I was like, this would take, yeah, literally years. And so I'm like, all right, I would need a couple of big dogs.

And a big pig. Yeah. Or a pig. Well, that's harder to explain. I can go rescue three pit bulls. And after they're done eating them, I'll just take care of that problem too. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yeah. What are you going to feed the pit bulls to? Each other slowly. Save mine. Until there's one pit bull. I feel like if you work really well. And then I can turn that to Fozzie and Teddy slowly. And that last pit bull is looking at you like.

It's just terrifying. I'll be good. Kyle, you haven't optimized this, because I feel like you could get down to about two-thirds of a pit bull before he stops being an effective eater. He's just sitting there with no arms and legs like, Fuck! It's like that shit.

Have you seen the clip of what the Russians did to that dog in the 50s? It's one of the saddest things I i've ever seen where they like like how about we take dog head hook it up to youtube see if it can bark and like they do that and it's like a dog head still alive like licking and moving its little eyes and it's it's just a head and it's like dude every night just in that room it's alive how can it be alive if it's just a head they're pumping oxygenate oxygenated blood through the uh the arteries okay okay it was be alive if it's just a head? They're pumping oxygenated blood through the arteries. Okay, okay. It was an experiment to see if a head could just survive without-

I was correct. I don't have a soul. Mission accomplished. God does not exist. Taylor mentioned that it was a really nice couch with cup holders and everything. So I'm torn on that. Our cup holders in a couch, a really nice,

comfortable high end couch or a little bit NASCAR. No, let me show you the couch I want. And you can tell me if it's NASCAR or not. I don't care what you think. I think it's the coolest couch ever. It's going to take me a moment to pull up. I haven't had a normal couch too,

but I liked that love seat with like the Uber comfortable. If you don't have the cup holders, you're going to spill shit on the couch because you don't have cup holders. You put your stuff on the coffee tables in front of the couch. No, but then I have to put down my leg rest and then reach forward. You have a reclining couch too? It's a reclining couch, yeah. A reclining love seat. Let's see.

I thinkyle's probably getting something i've been thinking about getting one of these for a couple of years oh it says home oh yeah yeah i think a buddy of mine just got one of these and it's like got led lighting and shit does this have blue lighting under it kyle it does so you can do a row of two a row of three, and you can if you look right at the image, you can do a row of five. Damn.

Yeah, a row of five, love seat right, a paltry $5,000. It looks like it's $1,000 a seat. Yeah. My current couch is $2, current couch is two thousand dollars although it is like a sectional yeah like our couch how often do i have eight people on my fucking couch

you know what i mean like we have some of them never oh sorry go ahead some of the rooms in this house are really big so we have to have the couch custom made it's i don't it's like 170 inches wide or something like that. Jesus. It's just really big. And I don't know. I don't know what I like in a cow. I tell you this. Here's what I don't like.

I don't like it when it has the pillows in the back that can just fall off the back and get pulled down into some. Total agreement there. Those are the worst. No, it needs to be built into the back somehow so that when the dogs and the people pull it down, it resists. You had to hire a blacksmith to make your couch? No, you can call a couch company and have one custom made. It just takes a while. The way that you're talking about, Woody, is the way most of them are that I've seen.

You know what I'm talking about. Woody's talking about Kyle. Yeah, where the bottom cushion can be pulled off and the back cushion can be pulled off. Yeah, who wants that? It's just slippage it's slippage I have one of those and I don't really sit on it the only benefit to that is fort building oh yeah you can build quite the fort

it's not as fun to build a fort in your own house have you seen my fort? I don't think so can you point the camera at it? no it's in the living room. Well, you pointed your finger at it. It implied that maybe it was there. No, I'm pointing through a wall. What are the features

of your fort? Well, you know, I got some chairs and some sheets. Made myself a little living room fort. Nice. Why do you have a living room fort? It's Fort Kyle Tondoroka. That explains everything. Why did I ask you? Kyle Tondoroka. That explains everything. Why did I ask you? Kyle Tondoroka.

Makes me feel safe at night. I build it every morning and I take it down with respect every evening. Salute it like a flag. I like that. Kyle, you don't lay sideways. That's not a big use case of your couch,

I guess. No, it is. I don't have this couch. I'm saying I want this couch. Right. But I look at it and I'm like, man,

I really like aspects of it, but I lay sideways on my couch a lot. I'm not sure that I would want this. So what I do, I've got like a, like I said, I've got a section also, you know,

big L and the, the like part of the L that points toward the television I I'm kind of sitting in that so I've got like my back against the in the corner of the L like like like like like here and then my feet are going that way so I'm kind of like sitting up pointed toward the television when I'm when I'm on the couch but I don't like lay down But I don't lay down sideways. So you sit in the corner. Yeah.

That sounds nice too. There are so many couch possibilities. Yeah. It's a universal sitting platform. But yeah, I like this because it reclines. I don't know. I like the cup holders. It's got this little tray table. I could imagine all holders. It's got this little tray table.

I could imagine all my weed paraphernalia on. Those cup holders look big. You could maybe even put a whole bong in there if you pulled that insert out. I wonder if you could get this in brown leather for the Colorado ski shanty kind of look. You can. Yeah, there it is. kind of look. You can.

There it is. The Octane Seating Turbo XL 700 Home Theater Seating Brown Leather Power Recliner. Whoa. Other than drugs and freedom and couches, what else are you looking forward to? Like filling the house with just that. Just the drugs and the freedom.

Just that and then a little minor excitement for the couches. Need somewhere to sit while you're doing the drugs and enjoying the freedom but yeah my couch doesn't have any usb connectivity jesus that's a thing too that i really would like usb connectivity on my couch because sometimes you know my phone's dead and i i've got this janky fucking extension cord because my couch is in the center of the room it's not like against a wall or anything and uh so i'm running like an extension cord from the wall to the couch so I can charge my phone before I'm sitting there. My sectional downstairs has the USB charging in the little console thing,

and I've found that I think I've used it twice ever. I'm living in the 1800s with this couch of mine. Yeah, bullshit couch. Upgrade time. I bought my couch just to fuck on so no usbs it's a little uh it's a floor couch it's like a two-person love seat that you sit on the floor futon yeah it's like a futon like uh so when it's like bang time you just go and it like folds out into a bed immediately true story I went to his house I sat on the couch I got pregnant oh they love

it because before I would there would be a transition period from the couch to my room but I have this like red lighting in my room and it was making women nervous it's very silence of the lambs yeah I need to just cut out the middleman

And get a couch that I can just Oh yeah fuck me on the hard metal area Between the seating And the backrest Yes and feel the metal strut Oh yeah scratch your hardwood floor It had to be softer because it kind of hurts In the back

It's been practical I'll link it if you guys want to look at it I don't think you can buy it anymore So hopefully it doesn't break be softer because this kind of hurts in the back. I'll link it if you guys don't like it. I don't think you can buy it anymore. So hopefully it doesn't break. It's not really much metal. It's really padded. Oh, okay. This looks like what a homeless man would sleep on if he were very well off for

a homeless man. You would have the nicest futon under the whole bridge. It's like a homeless guy who read Better Homes and Gardens. No, this does look pretty comfy, though. It's nice. It's nice. But you bought this, and women will go on it with you. It says currently unavailable until Blame Truth wants another one.

He's literally the only person who's ever bought the velvet steel futon couch did you leave a review i did not uh but i need to go and give it five stars it's held up six ratings this guy says extremely uncomfort i'm return is he swedish i don't know he's not this isn't his first language oh uh so you all right you smaller than expected and not as comfortable as it would seem it's not a dog bed but i mean my dog likes it yeah it's extremely uncomfortable i'm return it these people are these people want to be paid off because it's very comfortable. It's very nice.

Dude, there's also a lot of really realistic financing options. Yeah. I bought this for my kid's playroom. It's too small for an apartment, let alone a house, but it's perfect for my two-year-old. If I lay it out like a bed, it's barely enough room for me at 5'1". I'm giving it five stars because it's exactly what we were looking for. It's comfortable. Okay, I must have got

some magic one because all this stuff is not true. That's the most likely explanation, yes. You got a magic couch? Isn't that the one good one? All this stuff is totally not true. It's big enough to hold two people. Catalina gives it 1 star.

She says, because you can fold this so is bumpy so it make it uncomfortable to slip all right all right it's real i'm gonna hold off on this for now okay i'm gonna put i'm gonna add it to the the wish list add it to the wish list yeah the long list the long list do you do you guys have like a long wish list of like stuff that you were like ah maybe i'll get that now maybe maybe someday i'll save it for them i'll usually add something on there and then forget about it and then weeks later when i go to add something else i'll see it and be like that was really dumb i'm glad i didn't buy it and i'll delete all that off there generally okay i have a couple purchases i'm excited about i bought the ball phone it's still coming in but i got the new

iphone because my phone's broken and i look forward to having a non-broken phone i'm getting the 12 uh pro max i think it is in a few days yeah i'm getting the 12 pro which is similar to yours except smaller and i think you might have a better camera on the it's got a better camera i was gonna use it for youtube stuff yeah um so new iphone i'm excited to have a phone that works again that'll be cool um gaming pc there has been you know a great new thing three weeks away for a couple of months now you know whether first it was the nvidia cards and now it's the new amd cpus but i think in november i'll order it didn't amd just drop a gpu they did they announced it uh i don't know availability on it do you guys know

no i'll stop my head there's no like independent reviews like youtubers don't have their hands on it they just did the the powerpoint thing and uh but i'm kind of an nvidia fanboy i think that's the way i'm gonna go i've always i've had both and i've been so much happier with the green one so amd processor nvidia graphics card usually the way to go nowadays that's my plan and uh the cpus i think become available like on the 5th of november or something and i don't want to play the whole game where i like hard scope best buy and build it myself i think i'm just going to order it and when it comes it comes i'll be set and then a paragliding wing but oh yeah it's exciting for me but is it a fancy one does it do acrobatic things

it is so as you get better at acrobatic things? It is. So as you get better at acro, you go into the same thing but smaller wings. And they're a little faster and they shoot harder. And I think I'm ready for the next size down. Cool. Nice. Rolling the dice again. Hey, that's true.

You're not one to throw stones about rolling dice Mr. Pull Out Method that's true I'm living in a glass house there I would so much rather trust a reserve parachute with my life every day than roll the dice that Taylor

rolls on the fucking daily I assume you think having unprotected sex while taking our proprietary load stack is a bad idea? It's the worst idea you've ever had. That's a feat. She's going to get pregnant through her belly button. Maybe. Maybe.

It'll just burn right through. It's a hole's a hole. If a girl has a bush, it acts as a filter. I like that theory. No, I can't get pregnant. I have my pussy filter. My single mother was much lower in the 70s.

For anyone who's curious, Derek has the formula. It is in his hands now, so as soon as he can get the product formulated formulated sourced and on the website lock and load will be for sale for you people I'm so excited it's going to be great

so you got to be ready Blame Truth you're going to have to get in on this and take PKA load stack lock and load nut stack and it will make you nut way more we're going to triple the size of your ejaculate you're going to be painting women on that weird little pillow you bought the single moms won't know what hit them

if i okay if i can ejaculate my first name i'll be satisfied like you know like pee in the snow i'd be very impressed if i could get a w out i mean jesus oh i don't know how you'll have that much kind of that much control is gonna be the problem for you my friend you'll have enough to get it done you just won't have the wherewithal to do it okay make your your cums better everything's gonna be better i'm still cracking up that dude dirty in our pka hangout with the spicy semen that it is burning his girl dirty i didn't bring it up you saw that he organically did this yeah oh is it a secret topic that it's not a secret topic he gets real salty about it well maybe that's the problem maybe it's salt that is the issue all this time. And it's just pouring in her eye or something. It's not

her eyes that it burns. It's her pussy. Yeah. It's her vagina. I just feel like they're... This is unfortunate. And what could it be? Does he need to hydrate more? All he drinks is Diet Pepsi.

That's it. It's acid. Fucking acid. Acidic. Really? I guarantee it. I'm no doctor, but I guarantee it. How much Diet Pepsi is he actually drinking?

Well, when he was sitting there, he did have like four bottles of it within arm's reach. Did he? So he's not memeing when he's like, just drink diapepsi like he probably doesn't drink much water he probably is just guzzling diapepsi i don't think he drinks any water whatsoever i think he is i i i think he only drinks diapepsi one part hydro homie two-part lock and load we can get this guy shooting we can't have lock and load That's weaponizing the man. That's destruction. We're one step short of a super villain. You give him lock and load. It's chemical warfare. That goes against the Geneva.

He walks into the bank like fucking edging it. Stay back! Give me all the money. Give me all the money. I'll burn your face off, you bitch. He's there with his girlfriend. She's like one of the Muslim acid victims. Do what he says.

Do what he says. Just burning. It's all melted already. Easy fucking fix. Just drink water. Drink water. Hydrate with water for a few days and see what difference that makes. I'm curious.

I think he'd rather wear a condom than give up his Diet Pepsi. Drink water? Oh, man. Condoms are terrible. Condoms are so much worse than water. Condoms are awful. Just go water. Is there a male birth control pill?

I don't think so. Otherwise, we'd know. And I still probably wouldn't take it. If there is, I want it. Why don't you just get a vasectomy? You never want kids. Because I feel like it's painful. What?

There's a chance it can't hurt. There's a male birth control pill shot and gel? Yeah. Is this like a test thing or is this out there? I just searched male birth control options, condoms, outer course, withdraw the pullout method, male birth control pill.

Oh, availability is in development. I'm sorry. Now that I go into the article, same with the shot in development. Well, the pullout method has been in development and in use for thousands of years. And look how many of us are here. Well, they weren't good at it.

What is a non-surgical vasectomy? Oh. No, you just try not to come. It's a big rubber band, right? Like they do with sheep or something. That's castration. Yeah, that's how my dad, I've seen them castrate bulls before and they have this it looks like a big set of pliers and when you squeeze it um there are like four prongs that

begin really close to one another but when you squeeze it the four prongs kind of go out and away from each other in every direction and you loop a really tiny rubber band around those four prongs when they're together in the relaxed position so when you squeeze obviously the rubber band is expanded and you put that over the the bull's testicles and then you release and they don't care for it they hate it and but but the thing is like over the course of you know the next couple days obviously the blood supply has now been cut off from the testicles. I guess they go numb pretty quickly, and then they just fall off.

Non-surgical vasectomy. It's basically a normal vasectomy with a better surgical method. They use what's like a thick needle and operate through that. Yes. Is it lapoendo? I don't know my words that well. I thought it was laproscopic. Youaroscopic. Yes. Is it lapo? Endo? I don't know my words that well. I thought it was laparoscopic. You're probably right. When they just go in through one little hole and do all the...

Yeah, so this article calls that non-surgical, but obviously it's just better surgical. Better surgical. Should I do it? You know, there's another option. When Chael Sonnen wanted to have a kid, he had to get off the steroids. So, rock that.

That'll do it. If you do get it, if you do get it, don't bring it up ever. Women don't like it. Apparently they, they, it's some weird lizard brain shit.

Really? Well, that's more. Yeah. Just some more. I've heard. I mean, I don't know. You from what I've heard. You think I care what women think? Do men like it?

They're already tied up. Hey, what do you think? I gotta have a sec to me. Yeah, that's what they all say. Yeah, I'm excited about it too. Yeah. I'm excited about it too I want to ask women about that Is there an ask women subreddit?

It's probably a bunch There's gotta be an ask women subreddit I would almost guarantee more would not like it than do from what I've researched. I've talked to girls about the birth control thing who didn't want to use the pill, and they were like, why don't you just get the vasectomy? You don't want kids

anywhere. And my answer is because it'll hurt. I don't want them to cut my balls because I think it'll hurt. You don't want to risk the giant needled injection right into the middle of your scrotum.

Jesus. You're going to have a dimple there forever. Another one? Yeah, a second scrotal dimp. There'll be a third. I have matching scrotal dimps. Well, then it's going to throw your whole feng shui if you're not sassy.

People want that. women hate it women hate those scrotal depths yeah i'd like to see on the ask women subreddit what they think about a man who has a vasectomy yeah let's go ask men pertain to be women what they think oh man i need advice i'm gonna go to reddit.com can you imagine yeah i think it's where woody and and and i go when we need like i don't know advice in a very specific like if it's like woodworking i get i bet you go on there and some guys like yep um they just call me the carpenter. I've been a member of this community for 12 years and what you're going to need is XYZ

123. Or automotive stuff. There are very specific automotive subreddits. If the ABS light comes on on your 2012 Durango, there's a bunch of Durango dudes over there on our Durango there's a bunch of Durango dudes over there on

our Durango dudes yo you're ABS too bro oh no problem probably the more specific the forum gets the better it is in answering but like I think I'm biased against it because of all the relationship advice stuff we've read on this show

where it's clearly just not true or made up it's like bullshit yeah do verified women listen to this show yeah where there's verified you could ask them yeah like a female very few of a set like three in my in my circle of friends there is my girlfriend i met a i uh my uh the girl who cut my hair the other day she listens okay because she was she was like hey and i was like never again we're like come here really you're like all right well that's my last visit yeah that's my that's my last haircut from you you know of all, she did a terrible job.

The haircut's fine. She managed to get it done without making me look like a Nazi. But when she was doing the clippers on the side, I had the tiniest bit of product in my hair to hold it together when I got there. And instead of spritzing it with enough water so that then she could run the clippers through it, she just ran them through it. She's like, like what like pulling the hair out of my head that gel's really in there huh and i remember back to that barber story from woody where like the guy's like does that hurt and he's like yes it really does he's like why don't you saying anything and i'm sitting there thinking like why am i not saying

anything right i just assume they have customer after customer enduring this pain without mention and and like i'm being a big sissy or something but you're hurting me a lot you know i think it's like men don't like to complain in a public thing about like pain like we could break our fucking leg and be like it's good you know pour jaeger on it and go about her day yeah yeah i don't i just yeah i don't know why i didn't want to tell her that it was really hurting what she was doing to me yeah you know i get it i've never had i really didn't want to be rude because and i didn't want her to be like all right well do it the hard way then now she's gonna like do a bad job and like gap me up in the back or something i'm gonna

look like you know when jackie cut your hair or something that was pretty rough that happened it looks really good from the front so bad from the back i saw i didn't even know uh because it was live stream so i get to see what was on camera like five seconds ago and i and i saw the back of my head and oh god what did she do what happened i just spoiled it was like a bowl cut or something like the front wasn't too bad but around the back that, where she transitioned from clippers to scissors, it's like she'd never done it before. It was as bad as it can be done. You ever see

Tropic Thunder? Remember when they had the flashbacks to Ben Stiller's movie Simple Jack? Yeah, and he has the bowl cut. There you go. So just the back looked like that. It looked terrible. Yeah. It was as though Woody had slided her. And she was on a covert mission to fuck with his hair.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a spike haircut. I've never experienced any pain whatsoever at the barber. That's shocking. Yeah, that's shocking. I had a barber that would that would uh trim it really you know um close around the ears and she would fucking nick my like ear like a top here

yeah like nick it every fucking time and i would believe oh shit so yeah i mean that should be a real embarrassment for her she didn't notice so man if there's blood coming out of my head because of your haircut there's tangible evidence here that you're doing this poorly it wasn't like pouring but you know it was like like a little scratch every single time there's no acceptable amount of haircut bleeding no there's the amount is zero um do you so do they shave your neck ever like like do they always just do like I'm not talking about just with the no guard... Straight razor. They ever use a straight razor?

I have. And warm shaving cream. It's my favorite part. That is my favorite part. That's how I know I've got a good barber when he pulls out the straight razor and he starts fucking like... Stropping? Stropping, yeah. I went with his dropping, stropping, stropping. Yeah. So I went to this place, it had like a,

it was like a men's barber shop. I don't know. It had one of those trendy names. I can't think of it. It was like maybe it was called roosters or something like that anyway. Um, and this guy did such a fantastic job and it was a, it was a black guy, but I couldn't remember his name the next time I wanted to go there. He had, he had done the stropping of the razor and it felt really good. He was so good. You just walked in.

Is there a Dion here? See, that's what happened. So I called to make my appointment eight weeks later, and I'm like, hey, I'd like to get the guy that cut my hair last time to do it again. But I don't remember his name, and i don't want to say the black is the black there you know i didn't want to do that i don't know why i felt uncomfortable doing that again when somebody's cutting your hair you don't want to piss them off yeah they could really fuck you up for the next couple months i could i've had an embarrassing haircut before and it was like oh man there's no wearing a hat out of this

I can't wear a hat at work well Taylor's got an outfit for you he noticed you were black did you ask their names I would have been like I could tell the girl on the phone was also black oh I was going with the whole

if you said his name I might remember it well there's Michael Jacob and Tyrone. That's what happened. I'm not coming in. So she says, well, you know, what do you look like? And I'm like, younger guy, athletic. Maybe basketball.

Looks speedy. He can really lay some tracks. I was like, well, what are their names? She's like, well, we've got Christopher, Brendan, and DeAndre. And I'm like, DeAndre. It was DeAndre. I remember now. I get there.

And she's like, oh, you're here for DeAndre? And I'm like, yeah, yeah. She's like and and uh she's like uh oh you're here for deandre i'm like yeah yeah she's like have a seat he'll be right over and i and i see my dude over there he's like hey hey kyle he remembers my name and it's been two months and i'm just like man i love this guy and then this big fat black guy walks over and goes yo kyle let's go and i'm just like fuck and uh and i i want the dude's name is brendan or some shit like cool black dude's name is brendan he was doing like he had he was working on the set of the walking dead doing hair in his spare time he had cool stories we knew people we both knew people who like worked on the walking dead and like, like dead guy that we had had, we had had a whole conversation about my legal troubles and,

and like, and he was like, I smoke weed every day. I'm high now. Like it was just a cool fucking guy. Deandre gets me over there, fucks my shit up. And then when it comes time to shave the back of my hair,

he pulls out a big razor. He pulls out one of those cheap plastic big razors and gives me a razor burn on the back of my fucking neck deandre is an idiot it was the worst two thumbs down when he let when he led me past my dude's chair and the dude was just hey kyle i was just like no no it's just you were supposed to be deandre you were supposed to be you were so a deandre you're not a brendan that dude moved to florida i can't get him to cut my hair anymore damn so you had to find you probably could you just have to go to florida so now you can't go to this place. I didn't think that. They do have medical marijuana in Florida.

So that's all, you know. Yeah. My partner's I don't know, but it's been a year. I got PTSD. I got things. I can get medical marijuana. Sometimes nauseous. Always nauseous.

Feeling a little sick to my stomach right now i just wonder if like it just seems like the perfect anti-chemo drug right like it chemotherapy patients have problems with nausea and um pain weight loss weight loss appetite yeah you know like they're all kind of the same but right right but that oh yeah um anyway it just seems like a good thing to do all the time regardless of your your situation my mother-in-law didn't want it i would have tried to make it happen why not why didn't she probably just old-fashioned day right yeah she was she'd be 78 now she was like 75 6 at the time and uh it's not a pothead if if i'm living my last few weeks um i want some medicinal heroin i want some medical fucking meth i want some whatever anything give me some cot if you think that'll

medical meth and absolutely rob a bank what is a pain management doctor called do you guys know what the name of them drug dealer there is a term for it and I've forgotten it but maybe they have stuff that's way better than pot I mean they do it's way better like

like I mean opioids do a lot better job of getting rid of the pain, but there's also a lot more problems associated with that. Osteopath. Osteopath. Yeah. Yeah, the problem, it seems like most of the, it seems like almost all of the pain killers,

except for the ones that are like for like migraines, I think there's some really specific stuff that's for migraines that's not op opiates but it seems like anytime you're in like just a ton of pain that opiates are almost always the stronger option for sure which again like if you've got if you're on borrowed time if you've got weeks maybe a couple months left who cares if you're addicted to opiates yeah yeah i get get totally addicted to opiates have a ball what's morphine is that an opiate yes yes that's what she was using that's some good shit yeah i'm a huge fan i'm a huge fan too man i like like they gave me morphine and an iv uh for uh when they scrubbed all the hand off my or all the skin off my hand

one of the best days of my life dude yeah i've had it for a couple of surgeries i don't remember which but then they give you a button like hey if you're in a lot of pain press this button it'll deliver some morphine liar liar liar pants on fire this button doesn't do a goddamn thing i didn't noticed i don't have a huge morphine tolerance to a drop a drop every 30 minutes or something it's i think it was a placebo yeah probably if you watch enough house you'll know how to open the cover on that fucking machine over there do a little adjusting yes but you will unlike house go to jail house went to jail actually yeah but i didn't he get out pretty quick because they're like oh someone's got not lupus again you escape on the tnt loophole because we need more episodes

yeah i would uh i would definitely get on definitely get on some morphine or something. They gave me ketamine, which is for my – when I had the eye surgery recently, I had a – I don't know if you know, Blame Truth. I had this little mole on my eyelid that was just unsightly. I didn't like it. These guys had never noticed it on camera. You just couldn't see it.

But it was gross in real life. If I looked in the mirror, I was like, every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I was like, it was like the Austin powers thing where he's like mole. And I just thought it was a mole. So I went to the doctor and they're like, yeah, we'll take that right off. No big deal. We'll just shave it off. Even with your eyelid. I'm an expert at that. It is what I do. And you know, this guy does eyeball surgery all day. So like cutting a mole off is no big deal. So he cuts the mole off, tests it. It's cancer.

And so then he's like, well, we got to go back in. We've got to cut a wedge out of your eyelid. So they cut this like pizza slice shaped wedge out of like my eyelid and then like made another cut over here so that they could reattach my eyelid so they'd have enough slack to like stretch the eyelid back together yeah and it was a fucking nightmare it was it was a fucking nightmare that that might be like the second worst place possible maybe third worst place possible to have any kind of small surgery. I'm thinking maybe your asshole and the tip of your penis might be worse. Yeah.

Yeah. Asshole surgery. Imagine if they had to cut a wedge out of your asshole. A wedge out of your asshole. It would just never be the same. It'd never be the same again. Your O-ring just damaged. No.

It's got a little bit of slack in it. I remember that happening. Didn't you say you, they stitched your eyelid up and you had like stitches fucking grinding your eyeball? Eyeball. Yeah. Yeah. Every time I blinked, stitches rubbed across my eyeball. Oh, God. For a week.

For a week. It looked pretty cool. Yeah. When she was taking those stitches out, I was sitting in the chair and she's like, let me know if this hurts. I'm like, lady, there's no way in hell I'm going to tell you anything hurts. Just get them out. Just get them out.

Nothing hurts as much as this has been hurting for the last week. When I sleep, I have shooting pains in my eyeball. Please get them out. Were you worried the whole time? Like, this pain in my eye. I'm going to go blind. It's going to cause even more damage than before.

I just know my mind would be running wild with silliness like that. Like, the weird part was like, I would lie down to go to bed, and I'd close my eyes. And literally every two minutes or so, I would have what felt like an electrical jolt in this eye i i don't know why but it would be so painful that i would like you know if you've ever been electrocuted like suddenly and you go like it was that i would do that like throughout the night until i just got so exhausted that i just like couldn't stay awake anymore did you ever throw the covers off in anger like i can't sleep just storm yeah just get up just come in here and sit down and like put numbing eye drops in my eye and like sit here for

another hour or two or watched fucking youtube or something and then lay back down again that was awful and the worst part is I didn't know if they had gotten clean margins for several days. If they didn't get clean margins, they got to go back in and cut more of my eyelid out. One and done. One and done. He took enough the first

time. Thank God. Yeah. I posted to the AskWibbing subreddit. Instantly, posted to the ask women subreddit and instantly i was like this subreddit is bullshit they have to approve it first and you can't just post there a mod has to like your post all right exactly my submission's been removed graceless generalizations are not permitted this is what I wrote. Describe women's thoughts on vasectomies. I was talking to a couple of friends.

One of them clearly never wants children. Another mentioned if you get a vasectomy, don't mention it to potential girlfriends. He says there's a lizard brain part of them that doesn't like vasectomies. Do you agree? Do women dislike vasectomies? I expected to get some different opinions on the topic. People are not a hive mind. Only speak for yourself. Do not generalize across all people of a gender.

Do not ask for mind reading. Do not ask us to defend women on the subreddit. Jesus. Turns out it's all women on the Ask Women subreddit. It's like ask a cunt, and then if you ask any questions, they don't answer. All right, boys, you know what to do. Go over there and throw the fuck out of those cunts over at

Ask Women, because that's absurd. We literally had a question that we wanted to ask women. There were four men here wanting to be informed and educated by a woman's opinion. That's true. On a genuine issue that's important to us and potentially our half million listeners out there right like i genuinely want to know well when

blame truth said that i was like huh i bet there are women who would kind of be turned off like oh you're not fertile eh like like maybe that's a thing i'd like to know from women that's why i want to ask women how you could be mad at the phrasing of that question. That was totally reasonable. Yeah. I put the question on the screen. If all of our listeners went to ask women and reposted the same question, maybe one gets through the filter. Hypothetically.

I don't know. Or just call them cunts. I don't know. Or just call them cunts. Well, see, since they didn't take our question, I'm going to assume that all women don't like vasectomies now. That's on them. Yep.

They made a stereotype because of their lack. We're just going to have to handle this the RSK way. That's all there is to it. I'm a little upset that that happened. I can't think of there's never been a more genuinely like we weren't trying to troll we were trying to be dicks i'm like oh yeah that's the place to go we'll go to ask women who are like some some women will tell us what there's one point eight million subscribers we would get maybe a couple hundred replies if it was successful and and get a i don't know a range of opinions i

genuinely want to know because i'm considering a vasectomy i don't want children i i'm 100% don't i don't i really don't i'm not going to change my mind about that i i would get the vasectomy that the two things that hold me back are one the discomfort i'm a little worried there might be some sort of complication maybe something goes wrong and my balls get infected like what if something crazy happened and i like i don't know lose my balls i don't know i know it's i know that's not gonna happen i know i know but look we're taking some risk i think it's some risk as they have perform an operation on my testicles um but then you know risks though was like that sometimes they couldn't reverse it and so like the warning was like no no for no, no. For you, that wouldn't apply.

Like they were telling like, let's say that you were like, you know what? I'm not a hundred percent sold. Maybe I do want kids in the future. The warning sign they'd give you would be, Hey, you know what?

Usually we can reverse this. Sometimes we can't, you know, but that doesn't enter into the equation for you at all. He doesn't. Yeah. If you got fake balls, I mean,

you could get upgrades. you could get nudicles right i don't want to insult my balls now but they are merely stock there have to be aftermarket balls out there that there are oh there are they're uh they're they're squishy like uh like they're nudicles that they make for dogs no you would get if you had my great danes balls you'd be an impressive specimen. Yeah, I think I'm more of a Labrador. I think I'm more of a Labrador kind of guy. I mean, currently maybe, but

think about the possibilities. Upgrades. What if I got like Schnauzer balls, like super tiny ones just for the lulz? What if I got three? If I got three, just because I thought it would look better. Ooh, right. Go total recall on it. No, it's actually cheaper than just

ping pong. We got three-star Stegas in there. The one on the left, what if someone pressed their thumb on it? What if they were like squeaky toys? Like that would be such a good party trick. If you could just like... You can make youtube videos for the rest of your life just going to the park and fucking

squeaking your balls at dogs walking by and like freaking the fuck out so here's a question here's maybe this is an ask men i bet i bet hey let if you feel like if you feel up to it i know it's a little bit of a hassle. I bet if you post that same question over on AskMen, it gets right fucking through and we get some informed answers. Let's do a little experiment, a little social experiment here. I love social experiments. There's no parameters. The parameters are simple.

You copy and pasted the same thing over on ask men and ask women over on ask women you got some like woman splaining done to you and over on ask men i bet we get oh yeah yeah i had that with my ex-wife blah blah blah blah yes my friend billy did the same thing his his girlfriend was totally turned off weird? Because she didn't want kids either. We'll get a whole thing. Or they might tell us to go to Ask Women. Yeah, they might. Yeah, I bet

a bunch of men will tell us to go ask a bunch of women what they think. That ain't gonna happen. Damn, that's a pretty good point. Yeah, we will probably get a friendly response on the AskMen one. I can't believe that they shut that down and people said nasty things.

Who would have said it in a very nice way? In a very nice way. They didn't even just shut him down. They shut him down and then gave him all these fucking russ. They woman-splained him. I must have done something wrong. You have been banned from Reddit. AskMen already moderated my post through an automated thing what they have some sort of dark alliance i think they do this post has been removed by

the moderators of our ask man moderators have removed posts from feeds for a variety of reason including keeping communities safe civil and true to their purpose. All right, we're making a new Reddit called Ask Men Who Aren't Losers. What the fuck? See, this is why Reddit is slowly becoming just a real shithole. Slowly? Slowly, but...

What year are you living in? I don't get it. Like, like we, we literally want information. This, this would be like you go on the Durango dudes and you ask about rack and pinion steering and nobody's going to auto moderate your shit.

They're just going to send you to fucking pet boys and straighten you right out. Yeah. Well, I'm for one and blown away at their lack of respect for our good and honest question. Trying to expand our minds. Yeah. What is that Reddit for, if not what we did?

Right. Asking. Actually, pandering. Like, we didn't start with, like, sub horse, you know? Like, we were nice. Well, I guess it is probably for pandering. That's how a lot of stuff. Our first post should have been, why are women so great?

Top 100 things about women. Top least favorite things about men. Jackie wants me to keep this suit on. Did it come with handcuffs? No. Oh, I wish you were wearing a real gun. I like the way you're thinking. Oh, I do have real guns around.

Yeah. I could have grabbed something. Just be playing with it. I don't think that any of those threads are going to get through. It didn't come with a mustache or sunglasses. I'm glad I ordered in time to realize that. You fucking nailed it. I love it. The only thing that would make it more perfect is if

your hair were blonde, but I'm not being picky. You nailed it. It's great. We can do mustache number three. No, that one's hanging in there pretty well. Maybe on your end you don't think it looks like it's hanging in there, but it looks fine to me. Just going for variety. This is number two.

I don't know if you noticed the swap. Just itching. Hold on. I have to take off the sticky backing. We can go a little bigger. Nice. I hope it's a Wyatt Earp. Or a Fu Manchu. There we go.

Oh, It kind of glued my mouth together. It goes past the bottom lip. It's not quite as wide as your mouth. And so you look like an action figure with biting action.

He's a cop vampire now. It's a double costume. at that like a press lieutenant angles back and he opens his mouth kind of like a nutcracker marionette puppet i always wanted weird fucking toys as a kid like i always had these odd requests and one year for some reason i wanted a nutcracker why i don't know why i don't know why i think i saw it in like some sort of like christmas program they had like one of those a nutcracker. Why? I don't know why. I don't know why. I think I saw it in some sort of Christmas program. They had one of those real nutcrackers, the wooden doll that you put the nut in its mouth and you fucking crack it. Didn't get it. Didn't get it.

Bastards. What did you get that year? Disappointment. I don't remember. Probably a fucking rifle or a pistol or something like that. I was 11. I remember my mom forced me and my brother to get each other presents once when we were young and i got him i just was walking around didn't want to

have to go buy him something and so i just went we were at pier one me and my mom and i was like oh that little fucking clock perfect he'll love it like really are you just saying that because you want to get it here and not have to go shopping for him or are you saying it because you really think he'll love the clock and i'm like he's gonna love it i'm like eight he opens it up on christmas and he's like thanks for the clock that you would put up on a mantle that like it looks kind of nice but no use for he was what six at the time yeah i can't tell time there's no way he got something worse than that for me he got me sticky tack he's like thanks i'll uh i guess i won't be late for

what's sticky tack like sticky tack is what you use you tear off a little piece to put bulletins on a on a wall it's like a replacement of a thumbtack yep it's a replacement for a thumbtack and he got me a big block silly putty and that ended up being a way better gift than the clock because at least you can fuck around with that and like stick things places you're not supposed to silly putty is pretty cool yeah yeah remember uh what was it gack gack that's where you had a little tub of it and you could push down and it would fart yeah yeah you get the nickelodeon branded gack remember the nickelodeon branded alarm clock that looked all kooky and crazy with the tubes and everything anybody else i've seen them but i didn't have one yeah i had one turns out

not a great alarm clock doesn't when it does go off it made silly sounds and went like straight to like nick radio but it did but then again when you're seven you don't have anywhere to be nick radio station wait wait wait nick had radio or whatever the radio disney or whatever whatever the kids radio was at the time okay i was like holy shit i did not know that was a thing if it was realizing that probably wasn't nickelodeon radio it's probably just whatever the kids free play by my mom or dad on there all right all right so i guess i was not listening to nickelodeon radio i'm almost positive that it wasn't nickelodeon radio because that's not a thing it talks about the cardinals a lot shut up about mark mcguire i want to hear about i went to ask women like what is this fucking subreddit about if it's not about like what

women think about vasectomies and like one of the tough ones right now is what is your favorite podcast? What podcast do you listen to? And I said, Pinky Lareddy. It's super funny. I love these guys. And I linked my own goddamn channel. It's funny. I'm going to click it and it's here.

It's crashing them. Oh, I wish I could timestamp this podcast. I mean, now your account's going to get banned. You could have been in. Oh, no. Gone from Ask Women forever. God, I hate them. I couldn't care less about access to Ask Women.

They've proven to be worthless. Nature's metal and nature's fucking lit. I'm good. I read it use. Yeah, I like those a lot. I don't know. Sometimes it's like a fucking lion pulling a fetus out of a gazelle, though, and I don't need to see that. It's a water buffalo, and it's pretty cool.

I don't need to see fetuses being pulled out of animals. I don't need that in my life. You don't like to see fetuses being pulled out of animals, other animals. I don't need that in my life. You don't like any of it? You don't think the two adult animals,

one running, one being attacking and catching it? No, that's cool. It'll be like a picture of two rams hitting heads super hard or a crocodile and a lion facing off or something. I saw that the other day. That was fucking cool. The lion is growling at a crocodile and the crocodile is growling back and the crocodile finally backs off. It was cool.

I just don't like it when it's just like the animal's getting its asshole eaten while it's alive and it's just laying there like, and the lion is just like, I love assholes i'm with you i like to see a good fight you know give me a chimp versus a brown different you know a brown bear maybe you know give me a tiger versus a polar bear um give me a nice giraffe versus a cheetah like you know like you don't know who's gonna win maybe that one i know who's gonna win really i picked cheetahs because they

weigh like 70 pounds nah giraffes like like swing those heads and they've got those prongs and then they get a lot of like bat swing on that long head talking about animal clips there's one really cool enough you both picked giraffe oh yeah yeah i might pick i would pick the cheetah because she's very fragile really right yeah that's like a fiberglass sports car you can see a clip of a giraffe fucking up lionesses and it's probably on one of those subreddits where the giraffe is running and the lioness is trying to jump up onto like the front haunch or the four front right leg or whatever. Can't quite get a latch on. And so like the giraffe,

as the lion's now falling down, lifts its foot up and like with its pointy giraffe foot stabs down and like jumps off of the lion and lions like borderline dead. It's called a hooves. It's hooves. And what was I going to say? Oh, I think I like it when the a hooves it's hooves and uh uh what was i gonna say oh i think i like it when the aggressor loses almost anything right if a crocodile is going after a chimp and the chimp somehow wins i like that but then there's other times where it's like oh i'm glad

the buffalo made it safe but then you see like it looks like the hyena the hyena pups will be having no dinner tonight like and it's like oh well fuck like now other little kids aren't getting it those hyena pups were just going to grow into hyena assholes yeah but you're going to have too many gazelles then what we need hunters out there those such thing as too many gazelles they're lovely now they're gonna well you know what i don't know what the consequence of too many gazelles it seems like just really good nature shots of them jumping that's that's what you actually get cheetahs that aren't that good at hunting but they can that's what like mountain lions out in the woods are thinking

they're like god damn it everything we could eat get shot yeah yeah i'm just looking for giraffes versus cheetahs right lions is out there i've never seen giraffers cheetah yeah there's one here where the there's a newly born giraffe and the cheetahs are trying to get it, but the mom is fighting them off. But it's nothing fun to watch. All right, go on Ask Women and ask giraffe versus cheetah. That's not bad, actually. As if they would know.

Just don't even give no context. Just go giraffe or cheetah. No, you would get auto banned. You have to have a who, whom, why, describe in the question. Oh, my God. Is the goal to make it so boring to read the rules? What's even happening over here? Ask women.

Oh, you're going to it. He's doing it. I'm going to go, too. Now it's trying to spell it right. Ask women? You're trying to it he's doing i'm gonna go to now let's try and spell it right ask women you're trying to spell that right i accidentally tapped an extra a i was like was it ask or women that was the sticking point what do you recommend all couples do before getting married fuck yeah you know what we did that was really cool it was called uh engagement encounter

i just realized no one else is married on this i can't exchange stories but it was neat it was a church thing and i'm not a church guy but we wanted to get married in the church it was mandatory so we're like all right and we spent a weekend living at this church separately and uh i guess the boys live with the boys and the girls live with the girls. And then the priest was like guiding the couples through these discussions. And Jackie and I had had a lot of them before. We were already on the same page with like money and kids and this and that. But there was some other one like argument resolutions. And it was a really, I don't know, they just made us better at living with people. Engagement encounter. If you get forced to do it, it's not terrible.

Yeah, that sounds uh positive actually yeah it was a pretty good thing there were some things i didn't like like uh they all got together and decided that god will take care of your finances for you someone had an example where they were down to their last dollar someone broke their window and they found money in a coat proof that God, and I'm like, your finances are fucked. If you like, if a broken window is laying you out,

then you know, you're maybe you should not let God handle your finances anymore. Maybe you should be in a spot where you can fix a window all the time. If it needs be, you know, they were also big on the pullout method. I, I pulled over one time to take a piss and I found $5.

So there might be some, there might be something to that theory. I don't know. Dude, go to church every weekend. Like you think it's a pain in the ass, but they hand you this big plate of money midway through. I think you're just taking it.

I'll take your money out of your fist. Dude, I mean. Oh, mind if I do. Well. Social experiment. Thanks so much!

I'm feeling the love! Thank you all! Thank you, love! The plate gets passed to you and you just go, praise Jesus. The next plate comes around and you're like, oh no, wow! Some of you motherfuckers putting checks in this book. The next plate comes around, you're like, oh no! Wow! Some of you motherfuckers putting checks in this.

Just throwing and tearing the checks up. Alright, I'll figure out how to cash that later. I'll go back to church. It's dope. I'm coming back every week. I'm going to quit my job and just, that's why you guys work here all right

cal you were right about how silly the questions on this forum are where i just went to like top what is it this month or something and it was like pandering the way i almost assumed you were saying or someone posting what are some signs that you're burnt out? What are some signs of burnout? And every comment is like they Googled burnt out and they just say it. And then everyone says, Oh, I am feeling that. Like,

here's the comments. Like don't really care. Apathetic. All of those mean the same thing. Tired all the time. Irritable, foggy headed this so much.ired all the time. Irritable. Foggy headed. This so much. Also getting mad

all the time. Ha. Just like me. Next comment. Irritable. Apathy. Lack of interest. It's the same. It's just every answer. Apparently menstruating is a sign of burning out. All these women are like,

that's me. That's me! Dude, and this is, you can tell. That last one wasn't actually a woman. It's still identified. Oh, okay. Low sense of personal accomplishment. Oh, Lord, I have every warning sign. Come on.

People get tired. Yeah, people get burnt out in general feeling overwhelmed damn that's definitely unique you know it's it's sort of like facebook uh i see all these memes all the time it's just like a gorilla in a dress and some girls like me and i'm like okay um what makes it relatable is they're wearing a dress like you know what i mean i don't i don't understand it it's like anything minorly relatable gets fucking like oh my god it's so it's so true you know yeah speaking of monkeys uh costco pulling products that were allegedly made with forced monkey labor nothing wrong with monkey slavery they don't even know what they're doing monkey unemployment's gonna be a big problem now monkey labor. There's nothing wrong with monkey slavery. They don't even know what they're doing. Monkey unemployment is going to be a big problem now.

Apparently, uh, the chained monkeys can pick around 400 coconuts a day, and then they are stuffed in cages until their next shift. Okay. I don't like that. It's like, I always video there's video of the change monkeys picking coconuts. And it's so sad.

You can't raise the minimum wage because like it or not you're competing with automation overseas labor and monkeys yeah seriously look at how many fucking coconuts are getting though oh he's in the cage shaking the whole cage at the same point like 27 seconds in he's just in the back of a pickup hating it there's little fingers that look this one's oh i thought he was beating off but he's just toiling in sadness oh why are they biting themselves they're so upset i hate i don't like this at all wait i'm looking at this monkey in the tree taking a coconut down and it seems fine this is what monkeys are for keep watching the monkeys they're four yeah this

is what monkeys are built for Getting coconuts out of trees I don't think so If they had their own free will And weren't like leashed up and chained up and shit This one apparently is in it's little home gym In the back of a pickup truck This guy says do they work better if they're fangless And the farmer says yes

If they're fangless they'll work until they die Oh and now look at the monkeys in the back of the pickup truck just getting rained on actually they probably don't mind being rained on they are monkeys if you see any thai coconut products please leave them on the shelf this says because they were probably picked by slave monkeys my thai coconut products in the bin if they are fangless we can use them until they die oh good gosh you know I the raining monkey bothers me more than most of the other monkey shots but Taylor's the opposite well the one where the monkey's like angrily chewing on his own leg and then sprinting away and then he gets yanked back by the cord. To me, the best part of their day is when they climb the trees and get the coconuts

down. That looks great. I mean, compared to the rest of their day, I'm sure it is the best part because they're living in a cage getting rained on and chained to posts. They should try to escape. I guess they can't escape. There's no escape for these monkeys.

No, but there's all the coconuts you want. All the coconuts you want. What do they want? They can't do anything with those coconuts. They have no use for coconuts. They could bite them and get them. Well, they take the fangs away. Well, that's so that we can work them until they die, Kyle.

What are all these coconuts for? For our coconut products. Piggy banks and things. Coconut products? Like what? Coconut oil? Coconut milk? Almond joys? Wait, Pete is trying to claim that I need to throw away my

coconut oil because a monkey probably picked it. Only if it came from Thailand. Yeah. I like that as soon as he found out pita was involved he was pro monkey labor like you know what i'm on the opposite side of every pita issue nope no i stand with them on monkeys oh you would yeah chickens no pigs no cows no dogs yes but don't doesn't pita think like you shouldn't be able to own dogs or something like that? Surely they don't think that.

That they should be in the wild or something. Dogs can't live in the wild because they're dogs. They're domesticated. They can live in the wild. It's just a question of how long. I don't believe they could. I guess anything can live in the wild. It's just a question of how long i don't believe i guess i guess anything can live in the wild it's just a question of how long i had a i had a domesticated rabbit that lived in the wild for like three and a half hours no i saw it it so oh here let me pro tip out there take it

from me and please do actually take this advice don't get a rabbit as a pet that advice becomes double true if you have a dog like the dog just look at the rabbit the rabbit freaks out he never is that nice gentle little floppy rabbit that you wish he was he's just an angry stressed out attack rabbit so you spend your life caring for this rabbit who hates you and everything around him why because your dog's staring at him dog is just like an outgoing happy animal that doesn't mean any harm but the rabbit's stressed out and it's a terrible life all right i'm a bad rabbit owner this is going to come clear there's no getting around that but anyway i'm caring for this rabbit for years you know we're cleaning its poop out, cleaning its pee out, giving him the food and the water and this and that.

And the rabbit hates me. It hates me. All it wants to do is scratch and bite me. I had to remove the rabbit from the cage every so often to clean it. And, you know, it would attack me. And it's like a mad cat or something. You just get scratches up and down your arm instantly. It's rough.

And one time it's rough and one time it attacked me and i'm like that is it fuck you you are going outside so i take the rabbit and i put him outside in the woods and i don't know i half had a mind that i might break down and bring him back into the safety of our home and water bottles and food and stuff but that decision was made for me as some other like i don't know outland critter pounces on our like floppy eared fat rabbit and uh done oh that's really where the story ends i just saw something take it yeah it was in bushes and such like i don't know what it was but yeah that rabbit was you know like the rabbit like hops into a bush and the bush just starts shaking violently yeah yeah you know when they

like like i saw the shadow of it pounce towards the bush it had maybe been observing this whole release process and then there's like a brief little struggle and then that's that and i'm like well problem solved life i told jackie about it was really her rabbit and um and no yeah she was like oh good that rabbit was horrible yeah now now we don't have to care for that rabbit anymore yeah what was the rabbit's name shit i could text her what was the rabbit's name i'm sorry i'm just very curious because for some reason i just know it's gonna make me chuckle hold on i'll ask her while you're getting that name we're gonna hear from a couple wonderful sponsors starting with smart mouth everyone hates talking to someone with bad breath that

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So check them out. Check them out. The rabbit's name was Dusty. Okay. Dusty the Dead. Dust rabbit's name was Dusty. Okay. Aw. Dusty the dead. Dusty the rabbit. Dusty the dead.

Dusty the dead. I love wireless headphones because I can still, I can like go urinate. I still got all those ads and that's like awesome. I don't know. I'm not going to plug wireless headphones. Astro A50s. I think they are.

Yeah. That's old school. Most of the guys have moved away from Astros, it seems. Yeah, they had some A40s, and they were cool except for the wire. So I just got rid of the wire. I like my A40s. Somewhere along the way, they had a mute, and it cut off the first half of every syllable when you first started talking.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But they probably fixed that through software yeah i just use uh like a what do you call it um uh fucking not not yeah boom mic not a headset mic and so i never really had that problem the headset just sits here on top of my head but it's great audio great audio i always liked astros i was like the pc snobs said they weren't the grid good ones, but it seemed okay. I mean, I get those Astros until they broke. I think they're actually, yeah,

they're still sitting on the floor over there. Yeah. My, my old pair still works and I can like with these, I can take a dump and listen to horror movie, you know, women screaming and shit. And it's great.

Like sure. That's a horror movie. I mean, you know, Reddit, ask women reddit yeah same thing i'm not doing anything for halloween i i'm gonna turn all the lights off outside i don't want anyone fucking coming to my door i don't you're gonna leave a you're gonna leave like a bowl of candy outside no absolutely not no no i don't even leave a bowl of candy outside? No, absolutely not. No, no. I don't want anyone.

I'm in a neighborhood too, but I don't want anyone coming to my home. If I had candy, I wouldn't give it to you, but I don't have candy. Get out of here. Children wanting candy coming to your house. I hate the whole premise of Halloween. I like it. I like the kids. I like the happy little kids stopping by, like making them happy by giving them candy,

but I don't get that. You can't have it. The first couple years, look, we have a a long driveway and if you stay in our driveway our house looks it looks nice so i'm like we can't have bad candy we have to give out full-size bars but i was prepared to be that house you know this the the house that's a lot of work but you get good shit i don't know two full-size bars like whatever like cool and um no one came no one came for years two years nobody came but he had so many snickers bars laying around dude so many and like i said full size like like we we were ready to we're ready to make it worth it we were

like just we need to develop a reputation as that house that gives dope candy out and uh now we just turn the lights off like it look i'm not gonna buy like 40 worth of candy for zero people to show up it's did uh this happened in the past few years it was just like when you moved here like five years ago we gave up two years ago i would get like i live in a neighborhood and i would get like i don't know i think six or seven eight groups of trick-or-treaters every Halloween. And last year, I went all out. I got the fucking foam tombstones and shit, two pumpkins, two jack-o'-lanterns, skulls, all kinds of shit. Got the best candy.

I dressed up as fucking Jason. I'm liking it. I'm like five foot eight, so it's like midget Jason, but whatever. I'm ready. And no one came last year. Not a single fucking kid, and I have no idea why. No clue why. So this year it's extra depressing because even if COVID wasn't a thing, they wouldn't probably come.

I think it's just dying out. I don't know. It feels like it is at least. If people are taking their children out trick-or-treating this year, they are just wildly irresponsible. Can you imagine taking like your child out to trick-or-treat this year and he's not wearing a biohazard mask? Yeah. That's the move.

You go in full bio gear. Kyle, I feel like I don't want to go back to every trump supporter thinks you're wrong it seems nearly everyone is like this whole thing is a hoax why wouldn't i take my kid when i'm gonna not do halloween like correct i mean let's get back to what halloween's supposed to be about anyway socialism tonight kids because guess guess what Halloween's supposed to be about anyway. Socialism. We're not going out tonight, kids, because guess what? There's a deadly virus out there. And you know what will happen if you get it? You'll give it to Grandma.

And Grandma will die. Grandma will die and Grandpa will die. And you know what else? Auntie Jane with the asthma who gives you all the best Christmas gifts, she's going to die too. Everyone you love might die. Daddy's got a heart problem. He'll probably die too. And who knows?

Then you're just left with me. And you know how this world is. You know how it is. Maybe I die. And you get adopted by a family that molests you. Is that what you want? You want to get fucked? They're sobbing

at this point. They don't want candy anymore. Then you make them some candy apples, right? And everybody's happy. Taylor, if you had kids, would you take them out for Halloween this year? Yeah. See?

See? Big awkward pause is the best part yes just put them in a screen mask it's fine you want to know how you can get right on the ask women subreddit my husband thinks it's appropriate to take our kids out trick-or-treating this year i'm so afraid for their for them and their futures and i just don't even know how to express how it makes me feel. I feel so frustrated. It's like he's talking down to me when he tells me their kids that they should be able to go out for Halloween. I'm thinking about their futures. Post with the most callbacks and references to the show that makes it through.

Oh, man. and references to the show that makes it through. That ass bitches subreddit is going to rue the day. You take young children door to door in groups to take candy from strangers. It's like Johnny Appleseed, but with viruses. I'd eat all the candy, obviously.

Science. But you would? You'd take children trick-or-treating? I mean, it depends how big the groups are. I don't know. Going up someone's door probably isn't a good idea. Digging and reaching into a basket of candy that every other child

has reached into. It's very germy. Yeah. Trick-or-treating was so much fun as a kid. Counterpoint. What's your answer to that argument? My answer to that is that I would just go buy a bunch of candy for my kids and we'd have like an Easter kind of thing where I just hid the candy around the house

and they'd go look for it and they'd like that so much more. Yeah, but you want to go outside with the other kids in all your costumes together and then fuck around and play games. If I had kids, I would just put candy in a field and just release them into the field.

I would fire gobstoppers at them, slingshot. For Easter, Jackie makes me put baby powder on my feet and I leave rabbit trails around. Explains how it's handy.

Spherical shits. And we take Raisin X and scatter it. You're rolling up little round turns. God, I hope the kids appreciate this one. You know how little milk duds of poop everywhere? One turn from Ender gets me like 130 rabbit turns. Oh!

The kids are going to remember which house actually smelled like a rabbit enjoy that i don't know i don't know where the idea of the easter bunny even came from that's got to be like a candy company's invention right makes no sense right i mean like this idea that a bunny chocolate bunnies that you can eat and candy and it lays a rabbit that lays eggs and the whole thing doesn't make any sense. It sounds like a fucking Led Zeppelin song. I gotta Google. I gotta know where this came from.

Ask women. There's no way those bitches have any idea of the history of Easter. Why we celebrate with delicious seasonal Reese's eggs, which are just late you know repackaged reese's trees that are but those are great they just reshape them you know all right i was wrong um according to some sources the easter bunny first arrived in america in the 1700s

with with german immigrants who settled in Pennsylvania and transported their tradition of an egg-laying hare called Oosterhaus or Osterhaus. Their children would make nests in which this creature could lay its colored eggs. I mean, that sounds pretty fun.

Yeah. I like it. But I wonder how it got to chocolate. Yeah. Well, hard-boiled eggs weren't quite the treat that they once were Oh my goodness It's time for Austin House to give us boiled eggs again

It's time for you to get three boiled eggs for supper because of Austin Harrison. I imagine I imagine where it came out. Or he will visit you in the night and take your sons. I imagine like Santa Claus where they're just like waiting by the fireplace and

fucking boiled eggs just start coming down the chimney and splattering. Sounds like shit. You smell that children? Austin the chimney and splattering. Sounds like shit. You still have that children? Austin Housen was here last night. We want eggs. They have an Austin Housen song? I'm sure they do.

I'm going to Google traditional Easter song. German Easter song. German Easter song. Houston House, remember the fuck you said, because otherwise it'll come up with church hymns and shit. I'm like, it's not hymns. Hymns predate the

Houston House and the egg test. I have no idea. Do you think Jesus would have been like, fuck this, if he saw what happened? Yeah, probably. Did he come back to life he came back to life yeah he's playing second fiddle to the fucking chocolate bunny i mean that's where he missed out if the church would have made it a lot they would have made the jesus side of it more chocolatey they would have cornered that oh yeah definitely i don't think those people knew what chocolate

was at the time that was no no i'm saying that when so basically the germans get here and they're like oh you just do this what well we do ustenhausen and we do chocolate eggs like the christians should if they're smart like boom immediately we're making chocolate crucifixes we're making chocolate jesus's we're making chocolate moses's like we're we're gonna get on the chocolate bandwagon we're not gonna let them steal our market share share of Easter because they've lost that battle roundly. When I think of Easter at this point, or you walk into a CVS or whatever, you don't see Jesus.

You see eggs. Yeah. You know? They got to get that market share back. Also, I bet it's easier to make a mold of a chocolate egg than a chocolate Christ on the crucifix. It's so much easier. Yeah.

Because I'm not eating like a lazy Jesus. I need to be able to see lat definition. Chest right. Like, you know, he's dehydrated at the end there. So he's looking phenomenal. Yeah. I want to see those gaunt cheekbones in my chocolate. Yes.

Yeah. He's all ripped up. I know he died for my sins. I thought to myself, if I was on the Dick Masterson show, you know how they do like you do a rant, right? I haven't heard any of the other rants, so I don't really know how the format works. But what if I did five or six paragraphs on what a bitch Jesus was?

How like, dude, what do you have? Jesus had a bad weekend at worst, right? What do you have holes in his palms? In my lifetime, I have had a complete hemorrhoidectomy and torsion testicle surgery. I would trade either one of them for some nails in the palms, right? Nails in the palms is bitch-made death, dude. That's easy. That's easy peasy.

Guy had a bad weekend. My mother-in-law died of cancer over the course of two years. You think she wouldn't trade that for Jesus weekend? Jesus weekend is easy. What? It's hell. It was like, well,

the thing is, I didn't know that. And there was also that, that beating with the cats of nine cats, nine tails thing. That's horse shit. Yeah. Yeah.

No, that sounds like a typical woody spilled milk again type i think they break bones no way hold on i'm gonna google it yeah no i i think tied into it so it shreds you yeah it's like they pierced his side with they they pierced his i swear to god if jesus was hit with a collection of snow scrapers, they would have made at least a bigger deal out of that, right? If Jesus was beaten with a high-heeled shoe, they'd have said, oh, Jesus had it rough. You know?

Like, don't stop crying before getting these references. Those are some of the beatings that Woody took from his mother. Right? He was beaten with a high-heeled shoe once and again with a an ice scraper yeah yeah but his mom took five ice scrapers and made them five thousand they were rubber band together and uh and i think it was 12th anyway um uh so yeah you know like i don't see fucking woody's rise from childhood as a holiday people get off for, but it should be. It should be.

It was the Crown of Thorns as well. Oh, a Crown of Thorns. That's a big deal. And when he was thirsty, they offered him vinegar. Yeah. Oh, he got something. They'd suck on this sponge with vinegar on it. Oh, yum, yum, yum.

Yeah, yeah. I, on on the other hand wasn't allowed inside anymore so anyway i think that's much ado about nothing jesus had it easy and that would be my rant on the dick show but more it's a hot take yeah i don't know how well that rant would i did really well ranting about how stupid pumpkin patches are and how only women like them. That was really good on the board for a while. I've done this show twice. Two hangouts ago, we had a guy, Choco Thunder. His name is Dan.

And he got pulled out of the hangout by his girlfriend to go apple picking. And he's like, black people don't go apple picking. This isn't a black people thing. Then he went and he loved apple picking. It was fucking awesome. It was like little old ladies who didn't have the vertical leap to get the apples off the top of the trees. Motherfuckers got pictures of him like sky and apples out of the middle of the tree and stuff.

Like in the Jordan pose, flying through the air, grabbing apples out of trees, mid tree. I think he enjoyed apple picking and i i enjoyed the story well what you can go on dick's show and do a rage anytime it's open invite for all of us i just noticed fucking john mcafee bumped me down a spot in the co-host rank he ranks he puts a poll out there and he so he has an all-time rank list of everyone who's ever done his show.

And so you can, like, see the top, like, Mr. Medeker's way up at the top, and then you can go to the bottom, and it's, like, hundreds of people. So you know by the time you get to the bottom that people absolutely hated them. I don't even know who some of these people at the bottom are. What was your rank? I bet it was high. I was seven, and then that bastard John McAfee just bumped me down to eight I gotta do Dick's show again I gotta get more votes I wonder how

um uh McAfee did on Dick's show or how Dick did with McAfee he's a hard interview right he's not much of a listener it's not all back and forth I hated McAfee did you I I knew oh I kind of enjoyed him I'm glad he was only 45 minutes

you know like I don't think four hours of him would have been great but you just kind of enjoyed him i'm glad he was only 45 minutes you know like i don't think four hours of him would have been great but you just kind of steer him and get something cool out of it and i knew it'd be love or hate he was just insane he was just like steer him i had him tell the story of his murder i had him tell the story of his escape from bolivia i like you know i knew his background a little bit and had him you know i he was good. He's in an attic pissing himself and stuff. It was like steering a downhill skier or something. He would just go. Downhill skiers actually.

They steer quite well. But I get it, right? One that doesn't have skis. An arrow with no feathers or something. Yeah, an out-of- control firecracker yeah he just i i would just get so stressed out and frustrated with him he's just like he just go and go and go and it was just like what are you even fucking talking about at this point one of my favorite moments was he was giving us a hard time about not smoking heroin and taylor's like people call me a square

he called me a bitch remember yeah he response. He called me a bitch. I think he called me a bitch for not having tried heroin. Yeah. Yeah, he did. I wasn't going to say it. And also, he has been arrested, right? What? He was recently arrested.

Yeah. Going to jail now. Is it taxes? What did he get arrested for recently? I think it's taxes. The fact that he was, if I recall, openly bragging about fucking with taxes on our show. And I know he's done that in the past.

He's not like a tax cheat. It doesn't seem, at least, where he stays covert. He seems like a, ah, yeah, and I'm not going to pay it again! Like a tax guy. Like an ex-guy. Never have, never will. He could be president. Yeah, he's pretty cool. He's pretty neat.

Come on. Boo! Boo! When there were like 14 world-class doctors caring for him, did you see pictures of the suite at Walter Reed? Yeah. Yeah. It looks nice.

Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's what we do for our president. I got no, like, you know. Dude, someday I want to be successful enough that when I'm ill, I get to hang out there. It's amazing. Then become the president. Help us think, like. That's not going to happen.

This guy got a really good return on investment for $750 worth of taxes. Good God. That was some outstanding government healthcare here and there. The man wrote off a few things. Okay.

As business owners do. Yeah, he lost a lot of business money. Like bad, just business ventures. But, he lost a lot of business money. Like bad, just business ventures. But I mean, it's, you know. I can never tell if people will be like, he's using his office to get more money. And then like, he's not even a billionaire. It's like, well, what's happening?

Which one is it? Whoa. It's hard to know for sure. That happens to liberals too. We are simultaneously like, I don't know, sissy, candy ass, skinny skinny liberals and the most violent scary thugs that you'll run into it's like i don't know how do i dress it's it's near stomping grounds philly philly's been having some crazy riots the last week have you seen that i haven't was it

that girl fall off the top of the car black lives Lives Matter, Eagles suck. What are we rioting about? It was BLM and Tifa, I think. Okay. And it was kind of a madhouse over there. Well, the Eagles thing wasn't a bad guess. They are heavy. Yeah. No.

The Eagles are two and four in the first place in the NFC East. After the election, I'm sure this will just seamlessly transition into Eagles riots riots i've got a new the lovely word your outfit and they're like the fucking i hate the birds this year like oh they pass like ships in the night do you guys remember that baby shower thing that that gender reveal thing that set the fire forest fire i thought i swear to god i thought when they were celebrating the fucking dodgers they were going to start another fire i would i would have bet money i'm surprised that geography is it in a fire prone area where they were doing it i think california is just a fire prone state i'm uh it's been kind of a rough time lately for uh georgia sports you know uh for Georgia sports.

The Braves blew a 3-1 lead, 3-1 series lead. Didn't go to the World Series, where they almost certainly would have won the World Series against a Tampa Bay team that just wasn't that good. The Dodgers beat them quite handily. And then the Falcons I think are like 7-1 or something like that. Yeah. Excuse me. One in seven.

One in seven. You look like, damn. All right. No one win and like seven or maybe even eight losses. But, and then of course the university of Georgia lost to Alabama. So it's been a rough time.

So I've started to try to find ways to look at it and be happy. And if the Falcons keep losing, we'll get the number one draft pick. That's good news. Yeah. If we keep losing, then we'll get the number one draft pick. And I think that the Ohio State QB, this Justin Fields guy, is going to be available this year. And so that would be a great one to go across, to grab.

Woody has a spike banner. Look at that tight ass, though. I see that, yeah. I'm a lot more intrigued by the ass. That man does squats. Look at that. Wonderful. Look at that.

That's nice. Yeah, they deserved it. And I'm glad they won. If Tampa Bay had won, it would have hurt even more. But the fact that the Dodgers won, it was like, yeah, well, we did get beat by the best team in baseball. Or at least the team that won the World Series

beat us. That's the way to look at it. I always want the team that won the World Series beat us. Yeah. I mean, that's the way to look at it. You always want the team that beats – or I always want the team that beats my team to go on. Yeah. But it was a pathetic loss to be up 3-1 and then just lose three games in a row. Would you rather have a championship in the last – recently, like any sport?

Does Georgia have a championship? I didn't know because you know how there's like droughts going on everywhere like depending on the sport i didn't but then there's like huge droughts in certain areas just the most recent georgia win so the braves won the world series in 1995 um university of ge, I think one shit. Was it like in the eighties? Maybe one, like a national title. Um,

I could be wrong about that one. Maybe they want something else like women's soccer. Well, we didn't have one of those. We didn't get a soccer team until like five, six years ago. Atlanta United is a really good soccer team. Um,

but, but I don't, I have no idea, um, where they even play. So yeah, it's been rough. I have no idea where they even play. So yeah, it's been rough. It's been rough all over.

Yeah. Rough all over. Did I ever tell you guys, you guys know Mad Bum, right? Nope. Baseball player? Madison Bumgarner?

Really? Kyle's the closest to a baseball fan of the three of us. Oh, okay. I'm pretty far away. Okay. I went to middle school with him, actually, and we were kind of friends, for what it's worth.

He's like, I'm not really a baseball guy, but I think he's one of the best pitchers. Maybe somebody listening can verify that. Like, best pitchers in the fucking league. What's his name? Madison Bumgarner. Oh, okay. I recognize the name, then.

Yeah, yeah. I remember seeing Mark McGuire in person once, and maybe it was because I was like 10, but his forearms were just gnarly. He's a big dude, yeah. Yes. But so big, it was like, I didn't have a concept of what a steroid was,

but there was an uncanny valley about the size of his forearms. It looked like you had hot glued and like wax paper, two large forearms together. And he's already, I'm looking at his, I'm looking at his forearms right now. They're big dude. Yeah.

And blame truth. Cause he's, he was outrageous yeah just looking at pictures i mean and i remember the st louis post dispatch because like he was a cardinal and everybody loved him when he was going for the home run record would print stuff like scurrilous accusations against big mac once again against big mac there is in the Got Milk campaign yeah they probably photoshopped it smaller to make them less suspicious

they look huge they look fucking huge usually players in sports get bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger can you imagine a guy like that playing baseball right now like he's bigger than everyone in the league I I would wager, other than the Buffalo Colognes who are just fat and good at one thing,

which that one thing probably made him $100 million in his career, so good for him. They're so fucking big. I know. Good for him. Yeah, I remember these milk commercials. I was like, damn, I want to be like Big Mac, so I'm going to continue to suck at baseball

put all my effort into hockey yeah that was neat i found all the old uh i was going through all my like the keep safe stuff in my mom's house and everything going through it all i found like all of the old like plastic wrapped papers that my dad saved from the time where it counted down on the post-dispatcher. It'd be like 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, with all the... So that was kind of neat.

It was like, oh, cool. I think they're all like... Whoever caught his ball was going to earn millions of dollars, right? Was it like $3 million or something for catching this final home run ball? Yeah, there were some fanatics. Baseball has such an interesting group of people who follow it.

I feel like more than other sports even, people who are into baseball appreciate the memorabilia and the stats and the deep dives and the things. Because baseball seems like, from the outside perspective, a game of stats. I don't know. I can watch football, basketball, hockey, obviously, and I can put the pieces together i can go to the stat the box scores i know what everything means baseball i'm like what the fuck's happening like this is too

many oh threes and things so badly and at one time apparently in the 10 years he's played he did it right or has hockey really been hit by the whole money ball thing so what are you oh like going for uh a bunch of well i can so it started in baseball in baseball there was this fundamental fundamental misunderstanding of where runs come from yeah and they were overvaluing guys who maybe looked athletic or guys who were hitting doubles and triples when really it's just about getting on base get two or three people get on base at a time and a run scores. And, and, you know, they acted like hits were way better than walks or way better than like getting hit with a pitch when in reality, all those get you on first. Um, so yeah, the money ball era came in and they just

looked at analytics. It happened in basketball and I'll do this one quicker. You know, like used to be people shot long twos all the time and then they realized you know if you take a step back even if your shooting percentage goes from like 33 to 30 you know it's 50 more points so people now take a step back hardly anyone shoots a long two anymore now it's all about the three and analytics has just invaded the sports and changed the way that we value players the way that players play has that happened to hockey it's happened in hockey so like a simpler version of that is the blues won this in 2019 by our gm having like a mentality for the 10 years it took to build the team of like we're never we're not signing superstars it's not worth the money if they

have a bad year you're just kind of shit out of luck if they have a bad playoffs you're kind of shit out of luck we're not signing players above like nine million dollars a year or whatever eight and a half even i think eight and a half million was the highest and that was for tarasenko and that was well that was signed back when that was a lot like seven years ago or something but basically he made a whole team of people who are way better than average but there's not one superstar and there there's this new stat, not new, but one they're using more called Corsi. And it's basically an analytical look at your ability to possess the puck. And so they're like, okay, well, this guy, Ryan O'Reilly, the center that we traded for, he's not a superstar, but he plays a good two-way game. And when he's on the ice, 60% of the time he's on the ice, our team has the puck. Oh, this superstar guy, time he's on the ice our team has the puck oh this superstar guy

when he's on the ice, only 47% of the time he's on the ice, we have the puck, that's weird oh well he's taking higher risk scenarios and he's losing the puck and so kind of that highlight goal is getting lost in the mix where you remember that but you don't remember the other stuff and so basically we had a line of him and Perron and

someone else, it would shift off and they were just a whole possession line and Perron and was it someone else? It would shift off. And they were just a whole possession line. And our first line was like that. And our fourth line, the whole goal was just to possess the puck. And so that's how our fourth line was able to wear down the Bruins first line where it was like, yeah,

we're fine. Probably isn't going to score on the first line of the Bruins or probably not. But if they hold the puck 55% of the time, they're out there and keep the Bruins players from just having it, that's a net win. What we lost the puck only good things happen. Yeah,

exactly. Like, and so really the way the blues won that Stanley cup, other than being very physical was puck possession. Like doesn't matter if you have a highlight, real goal, just keep track of the puck, hold onto the puck.

And eventually something will open up. You're all NHL players. You'll notice when something opens up. That's in hockey. I'm sorry. In basketball, it's kind of the puck hold on to the puck and eventually something will open up you're all nhl players you'll notice when something opens up that's in hockey i'm sorry in basketball it's kind of the opposite like it in hockey you have a great player a great great player but his impact's kind of limited you know he only plays every three or four lines and i don't know like one player can only do so much it's like having a really really great uh cornerback all right we don't throw to that side now what do you got like now now how good are you in uh basketball on the other hand the best two players on your team really define how team how good your whole team is like it's one or two guys is 80 of your team so yeah it's definitely different but like like the the defenseman who plays the absolute

most of any like if a defenseman plays 30 minutes in a game it'll like be a post on the nhl or hockey reddits where it's like good lord do you see petrangelo played 30 minutes this game 30 out of 60 minutes outrageous that's not sustainable over the whole season. Like that comment in those threads, it wouldn't be, wow, that's incredible. It would be that, but it'd be like,

wait, it's game 40 in the season. They're going to be burnt out by playoffs. He can't play 30 minutes a night. Like, so you're right. It is totally different. I feel like in basketball,

people, someone like LeBron can genuinely play the entire evening. If he wants, I think Jimmy Butler did in a game or two, he played against LeBron. And I think he had a couple games where he played either every minute or all but like one or two like he was out there oh another thing they're doing is like the old school hockey thing was like slightly longer shifts and

so that was something that the blues had over the bruins last year is that our coach was very anal about like if you're on there for over a minute, you're now wasting energy from the person next to you. Now we're wasting potential energy that you could have for your next shift. You're not playing up to snuff. Get the fuck off. Like, unless it's a real big situation you have, get off the ice.

And so you can notice watching the game, the Blues shifted a lot faster than the Bruins. And so the Bruins would rely heavily on, you know, their top line. And then our fourth line, after a minute, they could stay on and keep grinding, but they get off. And now there's a fresh line against the Bruins would rely heavily on, you know, their top line. And then our fourth line, after a minute, they could stay on and keep grinding, but they get off. And now there's a fresh line against the Bruins, but they don't feel comfortable enough in their second and third, you know, lines to drop back. And it put them in a very difficult situation. So, you know, I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough to talk about the advanced stats, but I know that puck possession is a big thing they're looking at now.

So, yeah, basketball efficiency. is a big thing they're looking at now so yeah basketball it's efficiency so like you know when you score how many points you get out of that or when you shoot how many points you get on average right you'd think it's two right it's not though uh you miss half your shots so you know when you shoot you're worth like 0.9 points and then some other guy might shoot 30 from the three point line well he's worth the whole point. They look at efficiency a ton. Anyway, sports talk. Sports talk.

Could you guys have Tyson versus Jones, by the way, when that's happening? Tyson, I guess. Yeah, I don't know enough about Jones. Or like, you know, what he's been doing for the last five ten years so jones retired i think it's two years ago he here was the deal jones uh he fought in a bunch of different classes he was a small heavyweight at the end of his career he was a heavyweight champion i think i hope i have all this right but if it's not exactly right it's 90 right he's a heavyweight champion but he kind of hit a you know maybe a lull in between great champions uh yeah you know and he became a

heavyweight champion cool they say hey you want to fight tyson it was like short notice it was like whatever it was four weeks ish and he's like yeah i'm in i'll fight t Tyson on four weeks. And his idea was, I fought professionally two years ago. Two. Tyson hasn't fought for 25 years. I'm going to guess that I'm closer to fight shape than he is. And since this fight's on four weeks, sign me up. Well, then it got delayed again and again. And I think Jones might suspect a little bit of bad faith in there.

Like, we were never going to fight in four weeks were we you did that was part of your way of getting me to say yes well i can't say no now i can't be like i was going to but now that you're in shape i don't want any part of you that's that's not fighter culture so now he's gonna fight a full camp fully trained up mike tyson uh i've always maintained that, like, don't look at striking and really understand the levels. If I saw Adesanya hit a heavy bag, McGregor and Tyson and, I don't know, Deitchie, they all look really good to me.

Like, I don't see that and really see the levels. I can see how well they do against each other, but that's different. So Tyson looks great to me. He looks so good. the levels i can see how well they do against each other but that's different so tyson looks great to me he looks so good the way that he moves laterally and hits it george foreman though was looking at him and he's like you notice all these clips are 12 seconds long he's showing you what he wants to see do you notice that he's not pointing his knees or his toes right he's like george foreman seeing things that i don't see and uh he says tyson is not the tyson of old

of course and that he's sort of over representing himself by cherry picking his best eight seconds and putting together a compilation uh roy jones jr and um uh so anyway i don't know what to expect i get some i don't know thoughts i expect. I get some, I don't know. Thoughts? I would be much more entertained if Tyson were fighting regular Joes. Like if he was going to fight. Just tomato cans? Just like.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Someone from the call. People from the audience. Like if Tyson was going to fight three dudes from a bar. Three of us. Sure. One after another. Not at the same time at all. We're fucked otherwise.

We're fucked anyway. I think three of us at the same time can take him. That has nothing to do with Mike Tyson. That has so much more to do with what I think about three people against one person. Do I have to play the head tank? Yeah. You move forward and take the damage. I'm going to be in the back

with my bow. We're going to play this just like Vermintide. Taylor's got a flail. When he's down, get him up! And a pig on his head. And I'm down, right?

You want to see, what was that show where the fucking, it's like an MMA fighter just kicked a fucking bully's ass, but it was fake. Oh, Bully Beatdown. Yeah, yeah. You want to see Mike Tyson do that, but just with not even bullies, just regular people like off the street. How fake was that show? Was it 100% fake?

Were there fights? It had to be fake i mean diego sanchez was on it one time really yeah you can't effectively kidnap a bully and force them that was how i thought that's why i thought it was fake it was like why are these bullies agreeing to fight professional fighters because there was 10 000 on the line right 5 000 per round if they make it through the rounds they get five grand so if i recall correctly in the grappling section the bully starts with 10 grand and if he manages to get through the grappling without submitting he gets to keep five for every

submission he loses one so if he gets sub like three times in five minutes then he keeps two we're following and um they almost always got subbed all five times and then in the striking competition they just had to last whatever it was three minutes so you know far more about jiu-jitsu than any of us if i just roll into a ball i mean if i really curl up can you still submit me yeah i think so i mean if i if i i'm gonna like interlace my fingers behind my head curl up and like tuck my elbows on my knees and just like no no well riddle me this what if i'm actively shitting myself the yellow romero strategy what if i actually shat myself 30 minutes before the fight and I begin smearing it all over myself as soon as the fight begins?

There's a couple of ways in grappling rules. There's a couple of ways to open guys up from turtle position, which you're talking about. You can usually thread your arm under their neck and then that's a problem. If their neck is really tight in, I put my ball under their nose and that makes them that inspires them to lift their chin up a little bit um otherwise like you'd want to right um yeah but the turtle is a defensive position but people crack it open yeah you're not doing anything move you're not doing anything offensive there either so you're just you're waiting to get opened up you know like or needing the fucking spine or something I mean assuming

it's not a jujitsu tournament like I just wish they had one where like it turned out that the guy's bully was Brock Lesnar it's just everyday work it's just noogies and Indian burns

of course it's a fake show but all the people being bullied like i never looked at him and said that they were pussies it was always like yeah well what's he gonna do against him that guy is clearly like if he had no fighting skills at all he's just jacked right like half the guys look like derrick for plates, more dates. And then the guys getting bullied look like regular people, you know, like, yeah.

Like one episode of that show where the bully beat the shit out of the MMA guy. I want to say there was one where the bully actually won. I don't remember that. There's definitely one where. And ended at $15,000 richer than the guy he bullied. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, I'm trying to remember,000 richer than the guy he bullied. Yeah.

I'm trying to remember the pro guy who lost. It was so embarrassing. I was trying to find it on YouTube. All I found was this one guy trying to pick on some other dude in a gym parking lot and then the guy being picked on beat the shit out of him. That's not it because i don't think this show is filmed on an iphone 5

i've watched him a lot uh thomas denny had a combined mma record of 26 and 18 and he's the only guy that lost. He's the only guy that lost. 25-16? 26-18. Maybe I said it wrong, but 26-18. But yeah, he was an MMA fighter and he lost to the bully. And do you have the video there? We wouldn't be able to watch it anyway,

but I've seen him a bunch of times. Huh. I wonder why that didn't work out. The mayhem's over there coaching him like there are a couple subs that are kind of easy to get off untrained people like you know pull his head down and go for the guillotine but uh he just wasn't doing he was setting up complicated things he was trying to like i don't know fucking aerial what is it flying armbar and stuff like that i lost that's what he gets not taking it serious not taking this very serious show i love that show there's one this is like the biggest dick right he's not the

biggest bully or even the toughest but he's about mayhem miller's size he's the guy that like does the show and he he had these weird things like you know these kids have the poison in them i try to get the poison out and you know he was like sick and wrong and he was a super dick and the kids are like we don't know why he bullies us you're like you know like he's dating my sister and i'm like he's fucking your sister because you're pussy and and he just bullied him relentlessly and and i'm probably being fooled by the whole thing but i just took it as like wow this is bad and mayhem miller is like every once in a while you run across a bully that you gotta gotta handle yourself and the guy doesn't even know

who his mma fighter is that's the way the show's laid out they they get they they're surprised at who they find in the octagon and um mayhem miller's there and he's all dressed in street clothes and shit and suddenly he like takes he wears like gloves all the time he has like red hair he's kind of a freaky stylish and he takes his gloves off and underneath his hands are wrapped and you're like oh it's him it's him we've been watching this for two years now finally mayhem miller's gonna take care of one guy himself and he just did everything you hoped he would also like in the grappling part if i recall he didn't even like get five quick subs he's like no we want him to wish that

i got five quick subs and he's picking them up and slamming them which does nothing but discourage him the the referee was like he didn't want to do the striking part he saw how that was going to go down and uh he's like man do you really want to quit in front of all these people? Everyone's watching. Are you going to do the striking part? And he's like, yeah. And mayhem Miller didn't just knock him out.

No, he's like chopping down his legs. He's hurting him a lot, but not something you're allowed to quit over. So the guys out there like hopping on one leg, trying to do his best. And it was great. Have you guys heard the story?

That it also takes place in an octagon, but it's just called resisting arrest. To police officers. And you have to see how long you can resist. I love this is a great show. This is a great show idea. That's a great show idea. When you watch Resisting Arrest, yes, you would, Kyle. You would absolutely watch Resisting Arrest.

We talk about it every week on the show. I would not watch Resisting Arrest. That sounds like a terrible show. Wait, there was a fucking cop show with Butterbean for a while that was basically that, where he just went around beating people with a stick.

I'm pretty sure. Welcome to Resisting beating people with a stick. I'm pretty sure. Welcome to Resisting Arrest with Butterbean. I feel like my technique against Butterbean would be to run backwards in a mild speed. Right? It's a good idea. It's true. It's a great idea.

It's a terrible idea. You would absolutely watch a show called Resisting Arrest where some guy who has to be drunk this sounds like something off of interdimensional cable from rick and morty yeah yes wasn't that whole episode just them that's that's that's like the best fucking episode yeah that's the best episode resisting arrest that's such a good idea for a reality show. They want to use tasers and pepper spray? Well, I mean resisting arrest. As you know, in resisting

arrest, all of them have committed a real felony. But if they're able to resist arrest for five minutes, no charges! I got you for five minutes. His girlfriend's outside the octagon with two black eyes hoping he gets caught sorry stacy charges drop he's moving he's coming back home tonight and he looks bad it would make it better if the cops weren't real cops but just like

professional wrestlers or something you know or mma guys or yeah yes they're they're they're professional wrestlers but they're wearing really really tight cop uniforms like they're strippers no you're missing the two sides of it the the cops that get chosen for this are cops who have committed a malfeasance in the line of duty oh arrest and now they need to demonstrate how long they can try to arrest someone before resorting to those tactics it's a bit of a cat and mouse situation they won't go tasers full bore right away because their jobs are on the line this is a terrible way to run our law enforcement system but it's you don't think that's a good idea i i would watch a good reality show in so long every now and then like naked like, Naked and Afraid pops on TV,

and I'm just like, ugh. All the ones with Gordon Ramsay are good. I'm not. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't even know if there's any new episodes of that. Like, he does that last – the last thing I saw him do that was, like, a new episode was the thing where he shows up for that restaurant

to, like, fix a restaurant, but he's got like a whole like tour bus. Oh, I don't know about the tour bus one. Like, like he fixes it. It's like a 24 hour fix. No, I haven't seen that,

that show. It's garbage. Cause you cannot fix a failing restaurant in 24 hours. Like, like the, like the tour bus or whatever he's got has like a mobile kitchen. Like, like where they like folds out from the side. And, and he, and he teaches like the chefs bus or whatever he's got has like a mobile kitchen like where they like folds out from the side and uh and he and he teaches like the chefs to like cook like two or three dishes

in like two or three hours and then that's all the training you're gonna get and then they go in and they remodel the restaurant over quick and they're like all right try again that's like they haven't learned anything stupid but kitchen nightmares and hotel hell are two good ones kitchen nightmares is great yeah i like kitchen nightmares a lot except it's a whole hotel and some of the people are a little crazier yeah i like when i like when he shows up those places and they serve him that just horrendous food like he'll order half the menu and just one after one thing after another he just shits on it i watched a youtube video of him i think it was some uh fish place some like fish place and they immediately brought him out like fake crab yeah at a fucking fish restaurant at a seafood restaurant and uh he just tears down

every single item and it's it's so entertaining he could like have you guys seen him on hot ones he's no one's episode oh yeah so he's so great on that one he's just cursing at the fucking dude across from the whole time he's great i really like gordon amazing yeah some of the things he says to the chefs are like honestly devastating like some guy will be like this has been my job for 30 years and i don't even feel proud of it anymore like in his little interview and he'll walk back there and be like you walk to you walk home come here to your wife every night and you tell her you had a good day at work how do you do that how do you look her in the face and lie it's like how do your children think about you like it's really ruthless how he is. I like that.

And also, aren't you done with it, though? He's obviously saying it for the camera. It's a stupid thing for the show. It's like watching a movie. You remove yourself from it. There's some stuff that's obviously so unrealistic. It's put on. There's no reason for him to show his ass so often.

That's clearly him throwing it in there. Has he been working out? Is that what's going on? Speedo. that's clearly him throwing it in there uh him he's been working out is that what's going on speedo that's clearly him but yeah i love those shows i really like it's like watching a macho man randy savage interview like you know what you're gonna get but it's so damn fucking entertaining it doesn't matter i am the cream i was trying to do it all like i'll stream taylor murk on twitch I'll stream like Hoarders Hoarders was big for a while people still like Hoarders, Kitchen Nightmares

Hotel Hell, all that shit and we'd watch some Kitchen Nightmares and Hotel Hell which is always more upbeat and funny because every once in a while it'll be a little sad but there was an episode that A&E put of Hoarders on there where I did a little vote in my chat I was like what do we do another Kitchen Nightmares or Hoarders Hoarders, Hoarders, Hoarders There was an episode that A&E put of hoarders on there where I did a little vote in my chat.

I was like, what do we do? Another Kitchen Nightmares or hoarders? Hoarders, hoarders, hoarders. So we did a hoarders. And it was called Tom has a collection of bowling balls in his house. And they had just uploaded that on A&E. And I was like, oh, a nice lighthearted hoarders bowling ball. There are two stories in most hoarders.

They started with the first one, which was not the bowling ball guy. This woman talked about being gang raped for 12 minutes before all the chat and me was like, this is so sad. Go back to Gordon. to Gordon! And it was. I guess I started collecting things because I felt so ugly after being raped dozens of times that no man would want me and everybody's just like, this is horrific.

This is the saddest fucking shit we could have watched. Did you riff on it? I've got jokes for that, but I don't think I should say them out loud. Not Twitch jokes. like i've got jokes for that but i don't think i should say them out loud not twitch jokes right at home yeah my my mom's actually a hoarder 100 really it goes back to the uh getting diarrhea excuse like she would cook with expired ingredients like she would never throw anything out okay she grew up like poor. I actually did a Twitch stream one time where she wasn't at home and my

internet was out here. So I'm like, Hey mom, can I, can I stream at your place? She thinks I work for fucking Google or something. She doesn't know. So she's like,

yeah, bring the Google over and work. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. So she's gone and I go over to her house and the goal of this stream was to find the most expired piece of like expired bit of food in the house just based on you know the expiration dates and it eventually i lost the clip because i had to delete all my

clips due to that twitch dmca music thing or whatever i just deleted them all uh so i lost this one but i'll just i think the item's still there. So I'll just go back and record it. It's even older. Yeah. It's even older now, but I found a, most things were expired like five years.

I found a few things that were about 10 years, actually like no shit. And I found, I swear to God, a, some sort of canned ham from the expiration date I believe was 2002. Oh no.

You gotta think, this canned stuff takes a while to expire. That's from 97. That fucking pig could vote at this point. Yeah. It was rough. I'm gonna go and actually record it again and i'll uh next

time i come back i'll start like were you a kid when she started hoarding or did this happen later in life for her like what happened oh dude it's just she grew up poor so i think she just wants to save everything and did you grow up in her house or did she was she not like a hoarder i think she's always been a hoarder to some degree yeah it's just got it got really bad uh when i got older and moved out because then i wasn't there to throw shit away you know so is it like more and more stuff every time you go back to visit like is it so does she collect stuff that's not just food what kind of other stuff does she keep it's not even like collection? What kind of other stuff does she keep? It's not even like collection so much.

It's just she does this thing. I think she just thinks that she's constantly going to starve to death. So she just buys copious amounts of food and then never throws it away, but then never eats it. You know what I'm saying? 60? 60? Yeah.

That's a common thread, I thought, that I've noticed in hoarders. They assign value to things that have no value. This is expired chicken broth. But you know what? If things get tight, we can still have some value from this. We could still make a go of it. Maybe you boil it and it's not so bad anymore.

It's like they just don't want to throw things away because they're worth something to them yeah do they have a problem like i mean i watch the show but like she's not having difficulty maneuvering through her house there's not like no she's on the floor we my mom is nice enough to let me have ha parties there occasionally because here I'm in a neighborhood and the police can get called and stuff. So every year she's nice enough to let me have that, have the house for a little bit. And there was one year where we had planned to do something like go up in the attic and use a Ouija board, you know? And I opened that attic door and I shit you not, it's like the fucking cartoon where you open a door

and shit just falls out onto you. The stairs are completely blocked. Like what she had done is I think it was getting to the point where she couldn't walk through the house. So she knew people were coming over, so she shoved it all in the attic. So it's like, yeah, it gets to that point sometimes. Is there a smell because of the food and problems with that most of the food is like is is like canned stuff i guess she assumes it never expires or something that's not true at all no believe the expiration date

like she doesn't believe it she doesn't believe it tell you this was bad in 2002 because... I threw away shit from her freezer one day when I was still living there. I think I was 18 at the time. I just graduated. And I was throwing shit out of the freezer because I'm like, man, this is too much shit and it's old. So I went by and if it had an old date on it, I threw it out. And she came home and was just like was like well don't throw away that stuff and i'm like well there's no room in the freezer and she's like i got a spare freezer i didn't

even know about it she's got a spare freezer and she took she literally dug through the garbage like oscar the grouch and fucking got this shit out and put it in the spare freezer right hand to god she did it that is like oscar the grouch did that make you want to live a lot cleaner when you got out i've always been messy and disorganized but like to a point and it's not because i don't want it clean it's just because i'd rather just do something else you know what i mean but i'll like like once you know once in a while i'll get the urge just to clean up because i'm like it's it's too fucking bad you know, once in a while I'll, I'll get the urge just to clean up. Cause I'm like, it's, it's too fucking bad, you know, or whatever. But you don't do the thing where you assign value to worthless things.

I feel like that's no, I throw shit. I throw shit out. Like if, if, if a fucking sauce is like a month out of date, it's going in the trash, you know? Cause there's no need to, I'm not poor. And I think she's got this mentality, even though she's far from poor that she could get poor again or something like doomsday proclamations and shit all the time in her head so she's always prepping always prepping yeah just big prepper like she she preps so I think that's where that hand came from was y2k actually so yeah you're probably right yeah I didn't know your mom was a hoarder did were there ever times

where you wanted to have people over as a kid maybe where it's like oh i could have a hang out with some friends and it was like well no i can't i'll have to go to a friend's house because there's not enough room to fuck around or was it never gotten it's not quite it's not quite that bad she would confine it to like her room or something you know like just your bedroom or if she knew people were coming over she'd take it and just move it you know i mean like out of the way it's not it's not to the point where it's like a health hazard you know watch hoarders she would come out of it feeling like a champion because these people shit in bags they uh there was one guy who was standing in a burned out room like so dangerous like matt paxton one of the main guys on the show the cleaner he was like

frankly i don't like standing here talking to you we're on the second floor of a burned out building do you not realize how everything is charred everything is. And the guy who's hoarding is like, a little bit of drywall, this will be fine. And she's like, drywall? You can't hold up a structure with drywall. You can't do that. This is collapsing. And then I think the guy stepped his foot down, and the whole board fell out.

She would feel like she's totally under control if she watched this. There was one... So we have dead cat guessing on the stream where you know there are cats or animals there everyone will have to have it's not price is right rules it's you either hit it or you miss it you have to hit it to get it right so you can't go with silly guesses and the highest level of dead cats we ever got was there were 13 dead cats found in one woman's house and that was with uh 33 living cats and i had to ask that was my next question

like how many were alive no wait it was 33 total cats 13 of which were dead that's a terrible ratio it's a lot of dead cats and you can tell the real bad ones because they won't even give airtime to dead rats and stuff they'll just be like another dried out rat husk who cares that's that's here that's another question that put on ask women is like why do you hoard cats in your old age i think that might get stricken down for bad faith probably have they ever found a dead human? No, but there was a woman who hoarded until her husband died in the hoard. It makes it sound like the hoard came alive and killed her. It crushed her one day.

There was a Reddit article there was a reddit article the other day about a woman who was a blind hoarder she was she yeah she was a blind hoarder and i guess someone's final shit go every day i have to all right let me touch all of my things let me touch all of my things so they someone finally intervened. It's been going on for a decade, decade and a half. And someone finally comes in and they intervene. And they go into what used to be her son's room. And they find his skeleton. She thought her son had moved out because of her hoarding.

son had moved out because of her hoarding when in fact he had died in his bedroom and was now surrounded by the horde i can't believe jesus christ my god that's a good one there's how old was the body like if it's old enough to be a skeleton you know like eight years ten years something like that god damn there had to be a smell was she in denial oh there's plenty but what if but what if there's already a lot of smells going on you know i hear you an example of the kind of people who do this one of the ladies got so tired of sitting on the toilet shitting into a bag because her water been turned off that she just started squatting in her kitchen over hefty bags shitting into them and then throwing them up the stairs

she's in the kitchen I bet there's a door that leads outside it got to the point that one of the expert cleaners walked up there and he's like what in the world he like was open and he just goes it's human shit and they have to tell her like ma'am this is

like we need to get the chernobyl team on this we can do this and meanwhile this in the show but after the houses get condemned i want to see the neighborhood block party it's like whoa property value is looking good you could totally like imagine a scenario in which like you need to sell your home like like maybe you've gotten a job in another city another state sure and but but a big part of your uh you know savings is tied up in this home right maybe you maybe you bought it cash you know or maybe it's inherited an inheritance like you inherited this home can't pay two mortgages at once you know new place old place yeah some people can't you know like like maybe like pay two mortgages yeah oh i see what you're saying yeah i suppose not yeah and selling this home is like not only time sensitive but vital to your family survival

but you can't because there's a hoarder next door with glad bags full of shit like that you can see through the window you can smell it all the time the front yard is full of like lawn chairs and lawn mowers that don't work and you just burn it down one night you just burn it down with you don't care if they're in there or not you just burn it down every once in a while you come across a hoarder that's so crazy that like – there was one episode I remember watching. Usually, they'll get confronted and they'll be so – like the best kinds that recover are the kinds that get so embarrassed

in front of their family where they're like, oh my god, I can't even show them. They have an understanding of the shame it is and they overcome it. One woman, they're like, so what do you feel like doing if we get rid of your ceramic doll collection? Just the ones that are broken. And this fat old lady is like, I'm just going to get eight feet of rope. God damn. It was like she threatened to hang herself a dozen times over the course of the episode. What are we going to do if we get rid of this play school set?

I'm going to go in my bathroom and kill myself because she kept taking it to atomic. They had to be like, all right, well, let her keep them. Oh, dude, that that reminds me that. Did I talk about that secret horror channel I had? One podcast we did. I think I did. Maybe a couple. Maybe a couple ago.

But for a lot of that, I just go and film shit out of my mom's fucking storage buildings. Like a lot of the creepy shit. There's just broken dolls and shit laying around that she has. She has storage buildings packed full of just shit. How many storage units does she have? Three that I know of. You have no idea how much Taylor is chomping at the bit right now to do a hoarders episode with your mother.

It would be fun. I will. I will. A hundred percent. I will. A hundred percent. Ask. i'll make up something and say my internet's out can i use your internet one night when you're not home and i'll go and just record everything i find when she dies i'm just gonna it's gonna be fucking hell because she's got so much shit like what am i gonna do with it so just sift through it all yikes yeah uh that's weird when

people pass and you've got things left there that have no value but there's a little bit of emotional value but it's like how much emotional value am i gonna am i gonna need to be keeping like like eight storage units of emotional value is that what i'm i'm gonna keep like what am i gonna come here like once a year and tour my storage units full of emotional memories like i don't even want one storage unit full of that like i know i took stuff from my mom's house moved it into my basement and even now like i've got a pretty big unfinished basement area and there's like little tubs there of like stuff she used to use to decorate around her house that i'm just like do i do i need these candlesticks really like am i looking at these and being like oh the memory of mom it's like but it feels weird to throw them away yeah like i've

got a million fucking photo albums down there like i'm gonna keep all that i don't really care about the decorations ah but like when my when my grandmother died and uh just i think one of the things that has cured me of that little that syndrome that like clinging on to things syndrome was watching the in-laws fight over my grandmother's possessions like rabid dogs and just being disgusted by that and just just like that just just so gross like like just so gross of one thing that i will always keep that my mom gave me and it has to do with this show funny enough she knew about the joke of everybody calling me an owl and i've said this before and she got me like this wire owl thing looks like an owl it's got like potpourri in it and she got it as like a little

additional gift on like a christmas and she was like get it because of your show because you look like an owl and they say you look like i was like i get it mom i get it and that was one thing that like after she passed away like i was like in my basement and i was like that owl thing fuck i hope i didn't get rid of that owl thing i was like actually like frantically looking around for it and i found it and like now it's on my like mantle like up there like it's all remember and so that's that i'll always remember and be like that's a fun little memory like my mom joking about that and me and me and i'll be tied to it because i was the one that called you the owl when you look at it i'm sure that's you think Kyle yes a single tear

a single tear for my living friend exactly yeah basically that's one that I really do want to keep you're right a bunch of that stuff you're just like is this do I really do I need this it makes me think now does my mom have an emotional attachment to this fucking 22 year old ham or whatever you know what i mean like i don't know where she got it

did she get it as a gift or something to open it where you break it off and like use the key to pry it open yeah oh man that is all the shit i'm just like hey my case coming i'm scared and hams keep for 35 years i would watch a channel i would watch a channel where you just ate some of those things like like shoe nice just fucking yeah like if you say yeah i don't know like so so the ham is iffy but like if you had like um like a can of beans, I've read that those expiration dates mean little to nothing. That they keep for a hundred years. The MRE guy said that. I watched a video about spam that the MRE guy was talking about, and he was like, you know, I always talk about expiration dates.

They do not apply to spam. As long as it is not punctured, this will be edible. And I was surprised by that. I didn't know. And if that guy, you know, I'm basing all this on that guy's take. But if that guy has that much faith in spam to last until it's punctured or swollen, I believe him. That guy ate hardtack from the Civil War. Yeah, that guy's awesome.

I like his channel. I think you make an interesting guest. He's an odd guy. I think my mom watches him, obviously. Jesus, dude. She's got so much. See, I hear that. I hear expiration dates don't mean anything in regards to a lot of canned stuff.

expiration dates don't mean anything in regards to a lot of canned stuff but just the idea of eating like a fucking 20 year old pig that's been dead for 20 you know what i mean it's just the idea of it that's yeah it's fucking nasty even if it tastes fine it's just gross i don't know it is a little gross yeah he's like like you can tell the canned food people who are in denial but like it'll be a can of chowder from 30 years ago and it will be almost oh what a cute pup is a whole how old is he or she uh buddy is nine years old now he's getting up there so we were talking about van life last show oh no i have these two friends who aspire to do van life once he's finished just touring the army i'd mention that he took his van to get the oil changed and they took the oil out but they didn't put any new oil in and they gave him the van back

that's the most important part yeah yeah yeah it's it is important to put new oil in so now what happened is he drove it for like two minutes maybe an idiot light went off or something and gave it back and uh they're like yeah i guess they use like a digital trigger or something when they put the oil in and it acted like it was putting oil in but no oil actually entered the car. So they did it old school with like bottles in a funnel. And they said, Hey, your van's fine. And he's like,

man, it's ticking. It's ticking in a way that it didn't used to do. What do you do from here? I mean, it runs, they're claiming it to be fine, but he feels like it's not fine.

Like there's permanent damage and he wants it to be his home. There could be permanent damage. Like, had if you have metal on metal there's almost certainly some sort of damage that was done whether or not you know whether or not it's gonna like make have an impact in the next 30 000 40 000 or 50 000 miles is i don't know but i know running a car without fucking oil in it is like insanity mode like you can't do that what would you do if you were giving your car back and it had no oil and you're like well now it's been run two minutes with no oil it seems to be okay but to my ear there's a louder tick i'd contact a lawyer yeah i would sue 100 i'd contact a lawyer and see what they just see what they said you know

like hey these guys did this this and that what do you think oh we got a case or we don't have a case you're gonna get one do you have any recourse other than that other than here's my thoughts i would be like hey dealership i want a new engine look that that's it if they're willing to swap it was a dealership by the way so it wasn't like a tiny, poor corner mechanic. It was a dealership. And if they're willing to swap the motor because I'm unhappy, we're cool. If they're not, I want a warranty. Give me a two-year warranty or something like that.

They will not do that. Then I guess I go attorney. Yeah. You know, those are my thoughts. I was wondering if you guys, I was hoping you'd have like, you know what the real blessing in disguise is, is that now hopefully he sees how ridiculous van life.

Yeah. Hopefully this saves him the trouble and effort of being a van man for the next couple of years until he's indistinguishable from a homeless. I'm not on that team. The van life was fun. The second best thing that could have happened to him, the first best being that someone would steal his van. Wait, Kyle, hold on. What he says,

he still disagrees. We've got a fourth party. What are your thoughts on living in a van? Are you familiar with van life? this is this a positive or negative yeah i watch uh foresty forest on youtube okay you guys know who that is yeah no i'm already encouraged i'm guessing he's a homeless man a homeless man that lives in a van um yeah i mean i i've toyed with the idea eventually just like a subaru instead of a van yeah but then you sober up yeah exactly

exactly uh i think it's it's cool you were gonna van life in a subaru yeah i got an outback it's it's big you can sleep in it yeah yeah we were looking at a setup like that last week kyle wasn't impressed no yeah because i want to be a fucking hobo it's like that scene from fiction where he's like yeah i'm just gonna wander the earth like kane from kung fu and he's like you have decided to be a bum it's like uh it's like it's like the it's what makes it enticing is like the challenge of it it's like a personal challenge like can i live like this will it be fun you know what i mean even when it's not fun it's like can i do this and if you're making youtube mean? Even when it's not fun, it's like, can I do this? And if you're making YouTube content with it or Twitch

streaming it or whatever, it's like another means to want to keep doing it. A personal challenge is like handcuffing yourself and seeing if you can get over to the key and get yourself out. Living in a van is deciding to be a bum. Why not go whole hog and just do shopping cart life?

Wow! Can I do it? I don't know. You're missing a gift for carts. There's no fucking way I can pay for my carts. I think you guys just launched my new YouTube channel. Shopping cart life. Yeah, shopping cart life.

It should just be a parody channel. You wear green t-shirts and just being a dick. Have you discussed van life with Jackie? No. Well, I mean, I think I've told... Maybe I have. Maybe I have. I mean, not as this thing that we would do together. That's not her thing.

Jackie's wonderful in a lot of ways. Camping's not one of them. This is one of them. Oh, yeah. Hey, run this fire. fire we're gonna sell everything all right back to square one and i'm gonna buy us the most pimp sprinter van you've ever seen you're gonna love it all right we're gonna be so much closer yeah yeah the four of us it's kind of like I already beat the game of life, but how about a new game?

New character. We're going to start over. Prestige mode, right? We're going to get rid of everything. We're going to start over for some fucking reason with nothing and see how that goes. And within two minutes, you're going to be like, some fucking reason with nothing. Let's see how that goes. And within two minutes, you're going to be like, I missed my red tiger camo.

I should have kept my time's frag. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's each their own. I can get on board with the paramotor thing. I can. I bet it's fun fun i could see it being fun i don't i don't i don't know the juice is worth the squeeze for me personally because it seems like a lot of work you know um and uh and and for me personally like i think a small plane obviously like five times as expensive right

but but like that would intrigue me but I do get the paramotor thing for sure. I get the hiking, I get the camping, I get the adventures where you've really got to earn the experience when you were talking about walking a Yosemite or hiking through Yosemite. That makes a lot of sense to me. Like instead of being the guy in the polo that just drove up to the tourist attraction, having been the guy who hiked for a week with your whole life on your back with your friend i get that living in a van is hobo life that is not fun it is not gonna be fun it sounds insane to me all right guys doing hard mode of life titus by the way this family i don't even know how many homes they own. They're already building their real estate empire.

I would guess four. I just want to put that out there. They're an alternative hobo. That's for sure. Dude, it's totally a challenge thing. It's like you have... I think it's an adventure thing for them. Yeah, adventure.

You don't know. He's in the active army right now. When you're in the army, even your time off isn't that time offy. A lot of times it's like, yeah, but you have to stay 90 minutes from the base. Your weekend is off, but you're not that off. You don't have any freedom. And he's just, you know, they're going to Colorado, you can imagine. They're going to buy a van. They're going to Colorado. You can imagine they're, uh, they're going to buy a van. They're going to have no strings tied on them. You know, he's going to grow facial hair like

that's, you know, he's just going to sort of experience some freedom that he doesn't have now a little elbow room. So let me run this past you because now that you say that, and, and so he's a man of means. So are you, why not a motor home? That's a good question you why not a motor home that's a good question i a motor home comes with certain um well cool things aren't accessible remember the guy with the keyboard on the lake yes and you guys didn't find that attractive at all but people do you don't do that with a 42 foot long motor home or whatever it is i think it it's Class A, the really big one. You can park close enough to walk to the beautiful sights and then come back.

If that's the case, then you're not by yourself. You're in a parking lot. You're probably plugging in somewhere. These guys are, I think there's a term for it. It's not boondoggling. But anyway, it's when they're living off the grid, right? They've got the van power and some solar and that's it. And they're living by a lake in a place that's not settled right now.

Okay. That's different than like an RV parking lot with some dude who has a generator and tents and grills and things. Like it's a different thing. And then tomorrow you get a whole new place. There's just no strings on them. What might make a good van life vehicle is a deuce and a half it's uh it's one of those old army trucks um they're really cheap like you can get one for like 10 or 15 they're huge see that's what that when you oh wow it

sounds like what do you need you need off-road capability for this. So that does it. So the interesting thing about this truck, you can get it for like $10,000, $15,000. I don't know why. I saw one one time in like – I was halfway across the country. I was in Texas or Kentucky or somewhere, and it was $10,000, and it was in good condition. Maximum cruising speed is 48 miles an hour. I think it's too big. I just think it's too big. I just think it's too big.

You would convert that entire back area into a living quarter. Yeah, but at that point, just get a fucking bus. It's like an old school bus. You get a school, but they're more expensive. Like the thing about the deuce and a half, that engine will run on anything from diesel fuel to lighter fluid to like I think they'll run on fry oil. Yeah, it'll be more reliable probably. Yeah, going 48 miles

an hour across the country. You're not in a hurry. If you're into van life, you're not in a hurry. Oh, Woody. Borderlands. It's from a dystopian South African future. An online friend of mine.

Is that literally the Australian flag on it? This one I just Googled. It's Overlander or something. But an online friend of mine is doing this. He's a man of means. He lives in the UK. I think he's a surgeon by profession. And he's building his own van life type thing.

You know what he's going to do? He's going to go to less third world places and help them with their medical needs. That's good. My plan is to drive right into Kenya and just start popping in needles everywhere. He's not Australian.

I've seen people do this. I watch a few people on YouTube that will do the van life thing, but they'll do it in even smaller vehicles. There's a guy that does it in an old Jeep Wrangler, like a two-door fucking Jeep Wrangler. How does he sleep in it? Not easily. I think he took the passenger seat out and just...

There's no need for that. This guy, the what i'm talking about before he met his wife i i've known him for a couple years uh he was the most single person i ever met and people are like how is someone more single right it's a binary thing it was like he took the passenger seat out of his truck to make room for his paramotor. Like, that's really single. Yeah. That is. That is. Isn't there something kind of sad about not even needing a passenger seat in your car?

I was going to say it is. A little bit, yeah. There's not even a possibility of sharing lunch with someone. Any kind of human interaction. Like, I've always thought there's like like like even buying like oh god damn it what do you did make me feel oh oh oh well that's awfully sad yeah he's a super guy i want to make a joke but i won't i'm I'm just going to stop. I'm just going to stop now. God damn it. I appreciate it. Yeah, super guy, my friend.

The joke's too mean to even type. Okay. Maybe that's for the best. God damn it. No, delete it so we can print it. It doesn't have... Yeah. Oh, well, that stinks.

Either way, I don't want to live in a fucking van. The end of the van thing. I'm not. My favorite thing about my house is I don't live in a Walmart parking lot. I live in a suburb. I safe area. The dude, the dude I watched on YouTube just stayed overnight in a walmart parking lot during like a blizzard and he's just like he's really canadian you know so he's just like oh

the thing about uh staying in a parking lot you know is uh the they clear off the snow with the leaf blowers all night and you can't get any sleep and i'm like that sounds fucking terrible and then like it cuts and he's just like yeah i got like two hours of sleep let's go hike this mountain now yeah and it's just i don't know yeah but every once in a while they forget to blow it out of here and then you get a nice one in skating i'm very depressed if the leaks aren't gonna win I'm just going to fucking end it I see the adventure in it I see the no strings on me thing in it I wouldn't trade it I don't want that life

but I think I might want it for a week I'm dabbling it that's what the trailer is for I guess noose around your neck car neutral pulling you it's really fun to watch and see where they go and how they do it it's like watching a playthrough of a really hard game that i don't want to fucking play because it's too hard you know sometimes they're into an interesting hobby like there's a lot of mountain bikers who like it a lot

of mountain climbers who like it and then then what's the one you just mentioned? Hikers? He hikes and bikes, actually. Maybe you're into rafting and you need to get up to the mouth of a river or something. I don't know. I don't know. I like it. Yeah.

That makes sense. I bet Freebasers like it, too. Base jumpers. I think you're right. Base jumpers and free basers free bases to the shopping cart challenges it's almost required if you're a free baser to live in a van oh shit god damn i would just feel so uncomfortable all the time like like if i'm like away from um whatever my home base is not necessarily necessarily home, but like where I live.

You know what I mean? Like, like, like I'm not one of those people. It's like, oh yeah, home is where the heart is. Like wherever I'm living is where the heart is or whatever. Like it could be this. I felt that way about all the places I've ever lived. Oh, it is where the wifi connects automatically. That's true.

I like that even more. But like, if I've been away from my house for, you know, a week, two weeks, even a month at times when I finally get back, there's something very relaxing about like having your, all of your own stuff right where you put it and like being able to sit on your own couch and the quiet of it all. And like the air conditioning is how you like it. And like, that's your toilet and that's your shower with the kind of soap that you

like and all your shit's there. Yeah. There's this like sigh of relief. That's like a full body experience when you finally get back home. And I cannot imagine ever having that again if I lived in a van. So when I sleep in my trailer, I miss the security of it. Like, yeah, I mean, it's locked locked it's i guess it's secure i just in a foreign place and you hear things from outside and and it doesn't feel as secure as my

home does when i sleep in a hotel i i wish i'm i really consider it noise wise you know i do but i even like to shower like outside shower times because you know it's annoying you can hear the other guy's bathroom and shower running and everything so i try to do it quickly if i have to shower at night or something and just really aware like how loud my tv is and like that if i'm at home this is my house i'll ring the gong if i want to like yeah like it it's different and i was a i stayed in a hotel recently and they were having a wedding there. And as soon as I get to my room, it's one of those rooms

where there's like a door separating your room from the one right next to you. And I can hear like, I guess it's the fucking lady, like the bride and maybe all of her bridesmaids are in there just fucking jabber jabber.

I even, I like get near the door and it's just like i can hear their full conversation without even putting i mean i did put my ear on my on the door and listen for a while hour three but you could hear every word they were saying and i was just like annoy me now i'm gonna be annoying you all night it's gonna get rough for you because i got nowhere to because because my lady friend will be here any minute now, and I just woke up. I brought all the toys. It is 1 a.m., and I'm ready to party. Yeah, we started our party at around midnight, and it didn't end.

I mean, I just drove home when we got done at like 7 in the morning or something like that. And I know whoever was over there couldn't have gotten very much sleep because the TV was up really loud to kind of cover, muffle some of the noises, but it was loud in there. There was devices. I had the Hitachi. It's like, I don't know if you've ever taken a Hitachi wand and without turning it off, put it on a coffee table or something. It sounds like you ran over a fucking baseball

with a lawnmower. It sounds like a literal jackhammer. It did a little dance first. Fuck those people. I don't like inconsiderate people at hotels either that's why i almost always get airbnbs um they like like you can often find airbnbs for like 80 and you'll have like a whole place to yourself that's so nice that place that uh we got taylor that time when it was like me you and chis and my girlfriend that was like like 250 a night or something yeah for four people to have for four and i don't mean like 250 each like 250 for everyone and it

was like three bedrooms and like a full like game room and full kitchen it was a big house with a backyard and everything what about the other fees like sometimes you're like it's 259 it was great oh yeah yeah and then we had it for three nights and there was a 200 cleanup fee and uh no that's everything included like that's after like tax tag and title and and everything it ended up being that it was a self-imposed fee but the weed fee and the magic the gathering card fee was immense yeah i rented a car from toro and i was pretty happy with it i like the experience like there's no rental counter where the lines can be so long the car was right there i returned it

i returned it dirty but not like scummy or anything the inside was completely clean it was fine but the uh the tires had run through like puddles and had like that sort of streaks of dirt next to the, you know, behind the tires, like on the side of the doors and stuff. And he charged a good amount, like $40 cleaning fee or something. Like a detailing fee? Yeah. That's a surprise. I could have just run it through like a gas station car wash probably and avoided it. But, you know, like I said.

Well, Turo rents the nice cars that might be different I remember I worked at a rental car place and they'd be like yeah get it as dirty as you want and I'd be like you fucking asshole manager you're not gonna have to clean that I'll probably have to and people some piece of shit people would take that literally and like there would be folded up baby diapers

in the back seat like some trash and i remember i returned a car for this one guy he was in a nissan cube and there were so many holes all over the car that he had just he apparently never got through a cigarette just drop it on his seat and let it burn. That's how he extinguished them. I can, I might on my phone still have these photos from like 2013 or 20, whatever it was where I returned it. And it was so outrageous.

I was taking photos and it was like just half a dozen holes just burned all over the seats. And I like returned, I'm like, dude, we got to charge you for a detail because you clearly smoked in the car. And like, as he's lighting,

I was like, no, I didn't. All you have to do, like you just open up the, well, first of all, I was like,

well, there's, I know they're one of this many cigarette burn seats and you took it out because they wouldn't have rented it to you. If there were a bunch of cigarette burn seats. And then also like if someone has smoked a little bit in the car, you can check the door behind the driver's seat and you'll see ash there in that lower area there was it looked like a cremated body

this guy was spitefully smoking in the car he had two of these double fisted over over there. It was awful. Those were the worst fucking thing because you don't want to have a conflict with someone like the airport. Yeah, no, not at all. I remember returning a car once, and I was in Texas. And it was one of those instances where I hadn't timed my drive perfectly to correspond with my flight because I'm in another state. It was like a three-hour drive to the airport, maybe airport maybe more it was more it was three or four hours and i i was just running out of time and i had already stopped for gas once but it wasn't full and i'm like 10 miles from the airport and i'm like it's almost full it's almost full like like they'll

probably just you know a couple gallons how much could it cost at seven dollars a gallon a lot oh i would have loved it if they'd only charged me seven dollars a gallon taylor i have no idea maybe enterprise it was a lot though i remember it being like it actually probably ended up being like five gallons and i think it was like 80 dollars it was something ridiculous you're supposed to return it full but we all know if you return it like two gallons not full that's full right the thing that the little gauge is still touching the the f and like you're cool everything's fine yeah but if they have to fill it then they fill it to where you didn't you know where you never would have yeah returning people's cars who were like oh i i'm sorry we didn't have time to

fill up the last quarter tank how much is that going to run us i remember on the little handheld thing like scanning it and punching it in and being like that's going to be 50 but that man in my last like few months there when i was like fucking i don't care i would be like that is outrageous close enough and i would just delete all the fuel charges because it would honestly be someone would show up with three quarters of a tank and they'd want you to charge like an extra like i'll say like 60 or something that's like gonna cause an issue and when there's a hundred people behind them waiting to be checked in i would just at that point in my little car rental career i was like i don't fucking care yeah it doesn't matter you you're not paying for gas you're not paying for gas you're not paying for gas we're're not paying for gas. You're not paying for gas. We're getting this done. We're getting it out of here, folks. And it was, oh, that was, you just needed to find me on my last bit there because you could have drove it.

I remember we were supposed to do this thing. We're like, and so every time you return a car, you have to do this one-minute evaluation of the car, make sure everything's okay. And, you know, it's real good to do. Not once did I ever do that i would walk around and just kind of give it the it looks fine i remember one time it wasn't even me it was this other guy who was i think he was like baked to shit at work he returned a car and didn't charge someone for an entirely shattered windshield to the point that like there was a hole in it.

Like you can't even fix that. And so this guy invented this huge lie that when he was driving through the return, the cleaning bay, that a mechanical part fell off and hit it. And like this lie. And immediately like all the assistant managers at the branch are like that. That didn't happen. if you buy the insurance can you do anything like so i watched um you can't intentionally harm the car who's the guy with the really deep voice has been on our

show a couple times like a car salesman um wiki yeah yeah vin wiki said it might have been hammer his friend rabbit or something they were telling about they bought the car insurance insurance and they were like off-roading ford mustangs to where like the tie rod got ripped off the bottom or something insane like that and they bought the insurance and they're like yeah well that was a good call good no problem so if you admit to having off-roaded that would void it but i doubt they admitted to off-roading when they returned it so they could have said they just hit a dust storm or you know i don't know yeah you you can't off-road it uh that's the big thing i remember is not off-roading and you can't let somebody who's not on the contract drive because if you rent someone else you're driving and you're a retard

and you're like yeah well it was susan driving even though it's brad with the contract then the rental car company can be like well you're on the hook for 100 of it what if you rent like a jeep wrangler you can't take it off road no no you can't take it off road unless you specifically rent it for that can't take it off-road unless you specifically rent it for that. But it's trail-rated. There's a sticker on the side that says trail-rated. It is, but it's a liability thing from the company's standpoint. I know you are. It's like, oh, prime off-roading vehicle.

No off-roading. Oh, well, Woody, I didn't realize there was a sticker. The corporate policy was wrong i am so glad to not be doing that anymore so what yeah when you didn't care about the job did you have another one or you just didn't care about work it got to the point that like like i was i was really good at a few things i was really good at fleet management so like if they put me in charge of that i was really good at predicting like what the workload would be like for that day and so it'd be like early in the morning like all right pull x amount from here now that not that many

aren't going to show up that's a waste of money don't send that many drivers like that kind of shit like i was pretty good at i was good at the customer service thing too i've told you guys about pretend manager where i would manager for difficult situations and i just got a kick out of it it was so much fun but uh yeah as far as sales was concerned by the end i was like writing because it would have a little chart in the back where it's like everybody's name and it'd be like number of tickets written like a ticket is just someone you're writing out for a thing i was leading the pack and tickets every month trailing tremendously in every aspect of sales because they would like give you this like 12 point thing to ask people that was outrageous and it got to

the point where it was like this this line is taking forever people are hating us i would just be like you got insurance yeah boom you're good hon did you get paid for it no you don't get you don't get see so i used to run customer service and there were four bonuses we got and those bonuses did so much to drive the way that we did i was on the phone like you know solving software problems and uh we got a bonus for like like if you solve two-thirds of the calls the first time they called there was a bonus for that so you knew that you knew that and maybe the call is going on like seven minutes and this might be a situation you're getting borderline on like hey i'll call you let me research this and call you back or you know let me look at this like hang on a second

maybe i can find this answer in a few minutes and answer it right now for you that second one became way more attractive because there's a bonus on the line. What happened is the managers at this call place figured out that what you bonus for is the behavior that you get. So like that's one example. You bonus for solving calls on the first try. People start solving calls on the first try. You bonus for there's like an interaction with the knowledge base, right? So if I got a call that came in, I had to either use the knowledge base and link that call to it or I had to enhance the knowledge base so that the next guy that comes along will have this answer for him. And they bonus how often you improve the knowledge base or use it.

People use it every fucking call because there was money in it for us. So if you were paid for insurance sales, you would have sold. I'm sure of it. Oh, I'm sure. Like the little benefits they would give you were so outrageous as far as money that my manager at the airport started like outrageous as in like you would have to sell oh so much to get a pittance nothing like an impossible amount to get an impossibly small bonus like if they gave you a third of the insurance they'd make more money oh they would make fucking bank if they did that but like they make pretty much every rental car company makes the bulk of their money in those insurance packages

and so i remember there would be times where like I wouldn't sell for three days in a row. My manager would be like, he just liked me for some reason. And he'd be like, hey, Taylor, you haven't sold anything in like two and a half days. And I was like, yeah, I mean, but look at how many tickets I've written.

How good is our customer service because of how much I'm pumping people out of here? And he'd be like, all right, well, and then he would set things like first person to sell 10 of the collision protection insurance goes home the second that they've put the last one. And he was like a didn't really fucking care manager. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'll just punch you out whenever.

And so the second he would give those challenges, I would go sales mode and always get out of work. Like it would be like I was on a six. I remember one time I was on a six. I remember one time I was on a six to six shift and he gave that challenge at 8 a.m. At 830, I left. And the way you give people into that is I would be like, all right, collision protection. That's the only thing that you need. These other three insurances.

Ridiculous. It's supplemental to everything you already have. This one, you're only here that you need. These other three insurances, ridiculous. It's supplemental to everything you already have. This one, you're only here for a day. 20 bucks for the day, you're a, like that kind of shit. Like that was easy as pie. If it was someone who showed up for like 10 days, I'd be like, all right, let me just get you done really quick because there's no reason for you to spend $210 insuring something you already have insured.

Get the hell out of here. And so I would just write like, find like 10 people with one day rentals and be like this is what you need they'd be like all right whatever 20 bucks and then zoot the fuck out of there that was my main incentive was get out of the boise airport this sucks so when you find yourself leading people or people on the call like you get the behavior that you pay for and yeah and i didn't even mislead people about it like there was there was this i've talked about this one cunt who i worked with that would just throw contracts onto forest uh forest registry people and so be like all right we're

renting a yukon for three months and she would just throw literally thirty thousand dollars of insurance knowing that the firemen don't give a shit. They're going to sign for whatever. And so then she would get off for forever and get a bonus and by the time they returned it and I had to delete all of it, like nothing happened. She fucking sucked. I hope life's going poorly. I hope she's itchy

right now. She's probably living in a van moderating the r slash ask women subreddit. She's living in a van moderating the r slash ask women living in a van moderating ask women that would be the ultimate justice yeah don't believe anything those rental people tell you they're all told to be

sneaky Woody I tried to watch that show that you told me was bad for some reason I don't know I was like ah maybe he's wrong that barbarians oh yes dude it's so bad was bad for some reason. I don't know. I was like, ah, maybe he's wrong. The Barbarians. Oh, yes. Dude, it's so bad. It was awful.

First of all, it's dubbed. I don't know what the original language was, but it's not even close to English. There's like eight more syllables in every sentence than they're supposed to be. No. Tyler, can you say his words again? I didn't know if that was the comedy one.

Oh, no, no. I know. They're thinking of Norseman, maybe. Oh, okay. Yeah, no. This one is about, I don't know, some chick. Starts off young, becomes like a warrior, gets mad at the romans and

resists she's a barbarian i didn't get very far it's like it's germanic tribesmen banding together to fight the romans and it's just like it's i don't know how far i made it in but not very far at all you know it's not bad queen's gamb Gambit. Have you seen that yet? The cute female chess player. Yes. She starts off as a little girl, orphan. You don't know her whole backstory, so I won't tell it. You learn it over the course of the season. She becomes a chess player and then quite a good chess player. She also has a bit of a coming of age there where she becomes a sexual woman and a drug user.

And it's not as look, they could have shown more sex. It's pretty weak in that regard. But it is, you know, you get to see a girl grow into a woman and face the world. And it was pretty good. By the end of it, I was heavily invested in her and her success and liked it. Okay. I just started,

um, I just started Barry. You guys seen Barry? I love Barry. I've only seen the first three episodes, I think, but it's really, really good.

It's really good. Uh, the second season wasn't quite as good, but, uh, I liked the first season a ton. Um, I just started watching Justified.

It's a show that was on FX with Timothy Oliphant. That's actually pretty good. He's like a deputy U.S. marshal. It's a good show. I like it. I've heard good things about it. I never checked it out, though. I do this thing where I add 50 shows to lists and then I never fucking watch them.

One of my wife's techniques is she looks at a show and if it has more than four or five seasons, it's probably good. That's one of her markers. This is a guy from that show and I was clicking on him, the photos of him,

thinking that he was going to be significantly younger than me this guy's 30 years old he looks 15 how old is he in this picture 30 jesus he's 30 years old he looks 15 is he the gay guy from glee because he could be i've never seen glee but does he have a disease oh mr does he have you know some Oh, Mr. Harrow. Does he have a disease? You know, some people have those diseases where they look a different age. Like, I haven't looked that young in 20 years. And he's a year older than me.

I think he's just not, like... He's just got good genes. I guess, yeah. I think he just doesn't look old. He looks, he looks almost too young though. I get what you're saying. It's almost like the, uh,

Andy Milonakis thing, you know, I wouldn't serve him beer if I were a bartender. It's not that he looks so young at 30, but he also looks a little beta, right? Yeah. I take a little,

I don't know. He just, that guy can beat up 15 of men yeah but he looks like he's could be rich yeah but most of those men are in like cancer wards right funeral homes and you say he looks like he's rich but like it i think a lot of women, I'll put them back on screen, look at him and say, I like a little more man to my men. Yeah. I bet there are some lesbians, though, who look at him and they're like, hey, not too far off. Dressing up like an adult.

Dressing up helps. Dressing up like an adult. I'm wearing daddy's pants. Size 12 shoes on. He's got his own parent-teacher conference to save his grades or something. Yeah. He does look like he's graduating middle school or something, yeah. This guy's 30?

30, yeah. God, I look awful. How old are you, Blanchard? 31? 30, yeah. God, I look awful. How old are you, Blanchard? 31? 31, yeah. Okay. Taylor, you look older than this guy. Are you 30 yet, Taylor?

No, 29. Holding on. Six more months of 20s. Math checks out. Kyle seems to be handling it okay, of 20s math checks out okay so i'll just i'll take his lead and gracefully become a 35 year old felon there you go hey you never know i never thought i'd be a 35 year old felon but i'm almost there it just shows that with hard work dedication and some real bad luck you can achieve anything biden wants to clean your record i i think there's a chance none of them biden wants to

fuck children biden like i i fight it kyle and fairness all of them want to fuck children if i had to take if i had to bet on whether it's more likely that biden gets literally caught fucking a child during his presidency or whether biden clears my record during his presidency i think it's 50 50 you know maybe not but i don't know how if biden can get it up touche i mean maybe he goes bill clinton uses uh some sort of cigar surfaces of him fucking a child from when he was a virile man maybe that's more likely yeah

because there is no fucking way that any of these candidates are going to clear your record there's no way yeah I don't think so Bernie would try no I don't know what he gets passed but Bernie wants that to happen it's not lip service that if he were king it would happen No. Bernie would try. I don't know what he gets passed, but Bernie wants that to happen. It's not lip service.

If he were king, it would happen. I mean, if he were king, it would happen. He endorses people who don't want to do it. Can you say that over again? He endorses parties that don't want to do it. There's nothing that says Kamala wants to do this. Biden is just doing campaign shit like it's i it's not gonna happen there's no they all companies if you try to get me to

believe that these politicians aren't going to fulfill all their campaign promises they won't fulfill any isn't it funny every like like you know three years it's like ah we're the middle right oh we're the middle left and then like every election year it's like no we're we're way over here now and then as soon as the election oh now we're uh back to debating how many troops to send somewhere oh oh you don't want to send no no no no it's a foregone conclusion we will send troops the republicans want to send 10 000 but we the democrats we want to send 7 000 what a debate like taylor i i think that one of your criticisms of trump is that he's not anti-war enough but that's one of my praises of him he's the most anti-war i can recall he's genuinely anti-war

he's like the old kyle pointed something out i don't recall the numbers but it was he's the first president and whoever knows how long to not start a new conflict somewhere like that's what i want that's great i love seeing us not involved in more ridiculous wars that do nothing but siphon from the middle class and serve that money to raytheon halliburton lockheeded Martin, Boeing, and a couple others. That's great. That's probably the best thing Trump's done is not starting new wars, not getting us embroiled in that.

I'm afraid that as soon as we get another establishment person in, whether it's Republican or Democrat, because they both love war. We're going to mix it up a little. I mean, we've been training Taylor. Taylor, we don't you don't want to get rusty at war and frosty at war enough is enough we should we shouldn't be in these places we have no business silliness silliness taylor we're down to two wars if you think that's enough you're not patriotic like me i want a new war i'm so tired of the old war

why can't we fight somewhere green again Yes yes Because all our camo and stuff It feels dated now right Even green is old hack If there was a nice Space war In the arctic Where they got like really nice

Arctic warfare You know what There's some snow people we could fuck up i even russians country where we can't even fight them we have to pick some i bet there's some eskimos up there getting rowdy they they could use a fucking bombing i'd love to see that there's oil up there there's oil in these cold places yeah they need some freedom. I wish we'd find some primitive people to kill. Like, get a wind. Get back in the wind column.

Who was the tribe that, like, stabbed the guy with spears when they went to visit them? Oh, yeah, that island. It's like Citizen Island or something. Yeah, Sentinel. Sentinel, that's it yeah sentinel right we biden should take office and just get really really like indignant about those people and how they haven't responded to any of our radio right you know what i think biden's clock's ticking right here clock's ticking they don't they It's right here. Clock's ticking.

They don't know what Arabic names are. Yeah. I hope that Biden... We only accept 5G. I'll be waiting by the phone, Sentinel Island. If it doesn't ring by midnight tonight, Navy SEALs are coming. We're coming. Dan Blazinski volunteers. I want to see Joe Biden not hand over the reins to kamala immediately

and like indignantly insists that he is is the guy making the calls and then we get to watch him get crazier and crazier as he makes these traits or these calls that's a good i mean it wouldn't really be a season finale i guess i guess it would be the season two now i still want that season finale i predicted where biden wins but then dies and trump stays in power dude we know what's crazy the election is five days away and either candidate could drop dead unsuspiciously they are old as fuck i mean they're pretty fucking old i feel like they've moved the bar for what's acceptable old right like yeah it used to be 40s was kind of young. 50s was kind of where you wanted your guy to be, and 60s was kind of old.

Now we're mid-70s? Is Biden 78? How old is Biden? Is he late 70s? I think he's 78, 79. Dude, 60s was old. He's threatening 80s? Yeah. The oldest looking president that I'm like all right this guy's

with it but he looks old and this is just talking about looks not as the guy would be like mike pence he looks old but he also looks young enough that i'm like this guy's not gonna drop dead he's got gray hair he looks old he doesn't look old to me how old is pence yeah i think he's 60 60 something mike Mike Pence looks like he could be the star of a church softball team. Yeah, he does. Yes. Mike Pence. That's his height.

Dude, Hollywood has forced shitty action heroes on us than Mike Pence. Mike Pence would be an upgrade from a handful. Sure, sure. Great people. Who wins in a fight, Liam Neeson or Mike Pence? Pence. I think pence doesn't he have military service he looks like it he's got the hair he looks like he's got the cut it's hollywood what else do you need he looks like he has military service now that would be

the fucking experience trained actor that pussy can't fight they need 18 cuts to make him climb a fence these days yeah i don't know that that's true but i'm buying i'm buying it you haven't seen the like the edits that they used to like he's climbing a fence and like taking three or something like that and he's got it's one of those chase scenes you know one guy chasing another through backyards and uh traditionally the guy will like hurdle the fence he'll like put two hands on it and throw his legs over and be over well uh he goes to do that number and it's like cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut and then you're on the other side of the fence seeing him like coming down cut cut cut cut cut cut cut like

at no point do you see any sort of fluid move movement you see him like jog cut hands on the fence cut legs going up cut legs going over cut legs coming back down cut landing cut are they steven's galling him yeah they are that's he's no he's no tom cruise i'm really sensitive to that too i usually call out girls for it you know who need like all those cuts and shaky cameras not to look ridiculous but old man too you know what what's really cool about Liam Neeson is he apparently just pisses his pants. Wait, what?

Did you make that up? No, that sounds like something I'd make up though so I don't judge you. Look at the photos here. Just three pictures of Liam Neeson casually pissing his pants. Okay, I thought you were joking.

That's only one of the photos. Qui-Gon Jinn from the Jedi Master. He just pisses himself. And he doesn't care. He doesn't give a shit. You may think I was exaggerating about how many cuts it takes for him to climb a fence. Obviously, I can't share this, but

there's a seven-second video called Brian mills jumps a fence and and it's it's it's it's him jumping a fence it's what cut cut cut cut cut cut cut oh there's a lot of cuts holy shit oh my goodness it's literally as many as i said oh yeah and i mean maybe it's because he's pissing so much and he's pissing himself as he's climbing maybe it's because he's pissed in so much. And he's pissed himself as he's climbing. Maybe it's because he's a man nearing his 70s. He's pretty old. There were 12 cuts in a six second video. I watched the new Rambo Last Blood and Stallone still fucking got it.

Stallone's jacked. Stallone's fucking jacked. He's on that TRT. He is fucking huge. yeah stallone's fucking jacked he's on that trt he's fucking huge i saw um a guy was doing a particular kind of pull-up it's not even a pull-up really but like i think he had his chin above the bar and then he went back and forward on it stallone was doing it in his 70s and he looked good his form was 90 perfect like yeah and it was like a thing he was just he just had seen on the internet and then went to do like he already had that strength to do that yeah yeah i think his technique improved

over like some small amount of time half a week yeah he's he's always been i got one rogue eyebrow here can you can you see that's a winner colin would not stand for that that thing would be plucked right now if you're colin get rid of that that the column was in the room he'd be like oh flaw that's a big one oh it's oh crikey that's a big one it's literally that yeah it's that long it's ridiculous that's like a hair hair you know what it was good i had it transplanted you know i have this weird like hair that grows not on my head it's like down here oh but it's so fucking small that i can't ever see it but i feel it's one norwood zero hair growing out from down here it's like on my forehead and i but i can't see it until i feel it you know what i mean and then i pull it out it's very strange very very strange i can't show my hair

i've gotten a bit sweaty under here oh maybe you want to see it more not really i'm actually not that sweaty given this it's because it's got like nice thin arms unlike my owl costume which was thick all the way around so these aren't this isn't too my hair doesn't match my mustache it really doesn't you look like a guy that ran out of just for men i just had like another ounce dude my my twitch chat constantly accuses me of dying my hair and putting like a paint in it that thickens it and i i take it as a compliment my hair's not dyed it's really silver i'm like you can see it's not and uh yeah i don't know i think i've done or when you get it's thin i don't know when you

get older yeah if you start getting accused of stuff and you're not doing it it's a compliment it's like if you were playing a game and they accused you of having an aim bot and you know you didn't ultimate compliment man right ultimate compliment i think that's i think that's where it is what he is 18 years older than me and i guarantee i've outgrade him on the side i don't know i've got some on the side you can see it like my i can see it in the like my dad has mike pence style hair like he's in his mid-50s and he has been silver gray for five years like that that look just a hundred percent silver so that's where i'm headed thankfully his head of hair is very thick and so hopefully as long as i have hair i don't care i don't care what color it is you know nice nice gray hair who gives a fuck it's still there you know yeah

yeah my pants looks good quickly there's there's less gray in the beard by a lot oh i'm the inverse yeah okay i'm sure well you've seen my beard from time to time it's way gray i'm actually i'm actually excited to get a little gray because i feel like as a man it just you're just changing your look you're not necessarily getting older per se like you're not looking worse you're just a lot of girls with daddy issues when i got a little gray in my beard i thought it was a good look i've overdone it at this point it looks a little hobo. I feel like you think Kyle and I are joking when we say

that your beard looks really good. It genuinely looks really good. Jackie is silly. Who am I? Dagger? Is that his? Dangle. Lieutenant Dangle. He is clean shaven, so I clean shave just

before the show. Part of the costume. Yeah. I just bought a squirrel costume. Does he shave his legs? I wish I knew. I might have pulled the trigger on that. I think he does shave his legs.

It just occurred to me now. Well, I got out of that easy. That's canon. He does shave his legs. I don't know how out of that easy that's canon he does shave his leg have you i don't know how much of that show have you watched a lot of reno 911 woody i've seen a bunch yeah a bunch okay that that show cracks me up still i remember when that was the main show they would show on uh comedy central late at night and without fail it would it would crack me up. I love that show. You don't like it?

No, I do like it. The first episode or two, I was on the edge of trying to figure out if it was another cops or... Because it's filmed like it's cops, right? Yeah. It's filmed like it's cops. Yeah. And it's ridiculous.

And if you just watch the interactions with the police and the people, it's ridiculous. But hey, cops do ridiculous shit. Yeah. I've tried to convince people that Trailer Park Boys is a documentary before. And they'll stick with it.

If you show them the right episode, they'll be on board for an entire episode. But then you inevitably end up in some crazy shit. I don't know, Ricky. We can't rob a bank. Wait a minute. They're robbing a bank? Yeah. Jesus Christ, Rick. This is kind of risky.

Bubbles in the shopping carts is great. If I can't get my fucking carts there's no fucking way yeah i fucking love trailer park boys i can't do anyone's voice even halfway well other than butters or bubbles rather on that are there any outros taylor uh no we are solid blame truth anything you want to pimp not really i'm good you guys know how to find me. Just fucking Google me. Hopefully good stuff pops up. There'll be some links in the

description. Well, thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me. Blame Truth OG on Twitch. OC. Yeah. I can change it to OG if you want. No, I was going to have to now. Always a pleasure.

Always fun.