Painkiller Already - PKA 527 w Danny Mullen - Smoking Goo, The Great Candy Debate, Danny's Disgusting Prank

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Thank you already. Episode 527. Our guest, Danny Mullen, joining about halfway through. Taylor? Very excited to have Danny Mullen again. Been too long. This episode is brought to you by Goat and Squarespace. Two familiar names. We'll learn more about them later. So how's everyone doing? Very slow news week. Yeah, I know. The last three weeks have been like... I know, hockey season starting. Insurrection, then impeachment, and then there's. Inauguration? Yeah, but that wasn't what I was looking for.

Anyway, since then, really nothing's happened. Yeah, it's been pretty lame since then. Days ago. He had that big stack. Biden had that big stack of executive orders he was signing. He rejoined the Parisis climate accord yes uh he uh he how many did he fire out today it looked like i'm estimating just by like what it looked like on his desk because he did that thing that trump does where he has maybe all presidents do it and i'm just but he had that huge stack of the blue

executive order folders on his desk and i saw meme, or maybe it was just a troll on Facebook. Some guy was just like, Biden accidentally nixes 13 states in quick executive order spree. And someone was like, we've got to stop him. He's going to destroy the whole country. And it's like, come on, Karen, do you really think he has the power to to nix 13 states much less come on but uh yeah signing pen to paper like just government buildings in like maine crumbling we're not a state anymore and he revoked the permit for that uh that pipeline the keystone xl pipeline i think god i was so passionate about that i don't know if i agree with that one like and i also i wish someone would lay out to me why right so here's my general thought pipelines are good at what

they do that maybe that's the best phrasing. They're good at what they do. And you can't just be against something. You have to be for something better, right? So let's lay that out there and put it as a rule. If you don't like pipelines, then apparently what you like are tractor trailers just driving down the road, carrying small amounts of oil at one time inefficiently, right?

Like pipelines do the job so much better than trucks do that you want to move as much as you can via pipeline and uh what they're going to do it opens up an opportunity to put oil refineries like in the what midwest or something like that the the raw oil comes from the canada sands and then they ship that down to the oral refineries this is like 80 right and then uh you know they can refine it there and i guess have an oral distribution right the yeah so is that the midwest i don't know so i think the deal is and again the dakotas itself i'm like 80 85 right too but yeah it's it's it's pumping from canada through the dakotas but heading toward texas because we haven't built a new refinery in like three decades or something

like that for reasons. And the real issue that I kept seeing being brought up is that it was going through those tribal lands. So you had all those Native Americans out there all stinking and filthy as they are. But what if they dig that part of the ground? Protesting. They won't even notice. Modern solutions. Just do it Looney Tunes style. You just burrow underoney tunes style literally why not i literally don't know this is like when the trash turns into stars like i you know i don't think that's right but i don't know

enough to say you're wrong exactly what if i got up there and was like hey everybody what if we just had to go under the land and they're like like that's actually pretty fine with us pay for that all right this retard from the midwest got us moving i have two um objections that i would understand right one is not not that are good just that i understand um one is they're just against all fucking fossil fuels right like that could be one of the reasons he canceled the pipeline maybe i don't know um and they want to move to solar and wind and geothermal and fucking tides and whatever could be a other all right another possible i know i said two i have three is that um it's a pro coal move right biden got in somewhat on the support

of pennsylvania he wouldn't have carried have carried Pennsylvania if they didn't believe that he would be a little pro-coal, even though he said he was in it. He was a little ambiguous on that. He said some bunch of yeses, bunch of nos. So coal is expensive. Coal is not a good way to make energy anymore. It's dirty and it's expensive and it doesn't have many upsides. if we have more oil sources we have less coal use it just it might be a nod to pennsylvania maybe um and then the third one is one of the main beneficiaries and drivers behind it is the is it the coke brothers the kotch brothers i read brothers i believe and it's the coke brother now okay i learned too much by reading so i mispronounce a lot but um uh they're apparently like totally all about this pipeline they want it so bad so this could just be a political payback like kind of which feels dirty to me

but that's another reason that i would understand not approve of but understand it's definitely environmental okay could it be that like was part of rejoining the Paris climate thing, where it's like you can't make any more pipelines, and so he had to shut it down? No. The thing about the Paris climate thing is that we give $100 billion or something a year to fund those third world countries into cleaning their act up.

Well, how does that help us? Yeah. How does that give me well water and it doesn't at all that money should go to give all of us solar panels i'm stuck here i want to fact check that but i know they all hate it but is that true you're sure that 100 billion dollars we just give to small countries for air yeah but about 90 sure about that one i mean it does some other things too but i'm pretty sure like the main thing a lot of people don't like is that it's like it's like a hundred billion

i mean it could be every two and a half years or every three years but or i think it's 100 billion a year uh and it goes into that thing and the idea is like getting those third world countries up to speed with the uh you know clean uh climate act bullshit i thought it was just targets that we had to meet in terms of environmental cleanness that's all i think i think it puts us at a competitive disadvantage to those who will either not sign on or will say that they're signing on but absolutely won't like china i think that's us too i don't know we've got like the environmental we got the epa who will come in especially under like a democratic president and really put the hammer on anybody who doesn't wouldn't you think uh anybody doesn't we'll see i don't know who doesn't

who doesn't subscribe to the democrats are going to really enforce this or they're all the same pro-business party theory. I could see either one playing out. So, no? I can't see a federal regulation or law enforcement body not enforcing federal regulation or law. They always do that. I feel like that's totally doable. Well, you're pumping a lot of co2 out it's eight and it's supposed to be two but you get out of here you crazy kids like they're not gonna do that they're gonna be like you're shut down until further notice there will be a review board process

in six to eight months you can file for a petition on the fourth no there's not gonna be any of that it's it's a gut it's a bureaucracy they to be like, you don't meet the standards. You're closed down. They'll probably just fee you to death. They'll shut you down. And who can pay all those fees? Target, Amazon, Walmart? So they closed the pipeline.

I'm still forming an opinion on if that's good or bad. He joined the Climate Accord. Same thing. I just feel like I'm lacking information on this. It's all complicated and it's good or bad. He joined the climate accord. Same thing. I feel like I'm lacking information on this. It's all complicated and it's hard to get data on so many things unbiased. Everyone is

teaching you about it from an angle and it's hard to know what to believe. If we're so important to this climate accord, at the very least, they should meet us halfway. It should be like the Chicago climate treaty, not the Paris one. They can all come over here. at the very least they should meet us halfway it should be like the chicago you know treaty climate treaty not the paris one they can all come over here you know they've been begging us to get

back in that should be part of that can be biden's first negotiation i'll rejoin but it's going to be the delaware or wherever he's from right so the city it was signed in is of utmost importance yeah i've never been to delaware i don't know what happens up there i don't know what kind of The city it was signed in is of utmost importance. Yeah. Uh-huh. I've never been to Delaware. I don't know what happens up there. I don't know what kind of people come from there. I think I drove through. Nice place?

I hated it. We were lost. Is that the only way you get to Delaware? You're lost trying to find a different state? We didn't intentionally go to Delaware the way I remember. I've been there a bunch of times. In the Northeast, who is the state that everybody bullies? Is it Delaware? Is it Rhode Island? Is it

people from Jersey? Probably it's people from Jersey. I feel like Jersey. As someone from the Midwest, I assumed it was Jersey. I don't hang out with those fuckers up there. We're kind of the nation's armpit. That's Jersey. We smell. We're located around there nation's armpit. That's Jersey. We smell.

We're located around there. Welcome to Jersey. Yeah. Talk to someone from North Jersey. Talk to someone from New York. Like, oh, from New York? And they're like, oh, basically. North Jersey.

The whole use thing. Like if I wanted to refer to multiple people and I say use are doing this. That's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me. There are a lot of local pronunciations and stuff that I can deal with. Y'all doesn't tear me to pieces. But yous, goodness, no one else says that. Yeah, I hate that too.

People in Pittsburgh say yins. They're just trying to be different. They do? They say yins guys or yinz I've never heard of it because if you do one of those like what is it like a phonetic map where it shows how you reference things

or you know identify things by where you live in the country it'll be like what do you say to a group of people and it's like y'all you guys in the middle like yeah you guys and then it's just like just around Pittsburgh it says yinz it's like that should'all, you, guys in the middle. Like, yeah, you guys. And then it's just around Pittsburgh. It says yins. It's like that should have been corrected out of them the second they left Pittsburgh.

Indeed. Yeah. The internet should have fixed it. I had hopes that the internet would cause everyone to learn English. I was like, we're not going to have all these languages across the internet. Nope. At last, we'll have a unifying language across the world, and it will be English. I was like, we're not going to have all these languages across the internet. Nope. At last, we'll have a unifying language across the world and it will be English because

we invented the internet. It'll be American. That's what it will be. That's not what happened. Think of how much better it would be if everything was in English. Now, it's gotten to the point that when I'm scrolling Netflix, I love watching campy terrible horror movies.

And it turns out that like every like horrible horror movie that you scroll past, it'll like have a really intriguing description. And it's like, man, that's a cover I've never seen before. This must be new. You click on it and it's like Jose Alvarez, Rodrigo, you know, Mexican name. They're Chinese for me a lot. Or it's Chinese or it's Korean or it's like a

Vietnam zombie movie those are all three Chinese that sound similar to me and that I can't understand and all I want on Netflix is just a little option for language where it's like just say English only and you know you can pick all languages you can go just Spanish just fucking Korean just let me go to English I don't want to get my hopes up on a really cool sounding movie that's about Koreans on a train escaping zombies. Millions of us have had that same idea. I need a, like, if this isn't English, don't get my hopes up button. I just want that.

And then, like, sometimes you can tell they're foreign because it'll be, like, an Indian guy, like, dancing and it'll, like, dancing away from a murder and it's called, like, The Danger Times. danger times or like something that didn't translate right. So, yeah, but Hulu needs to do that. They all need to do that. It's fucking baffling that they're making all this money and they haven't added one little toggle switch for language. You know what I can watch that I was surprised works so well.

Sometimes I guess it's called dubbing, right? I watch. What was that heist one? I think Kyle liked it for a season or two as well. Sometimes, I guess it's called dubbing, right? I watch what was that heist one? I think Kyle liked it for a season or two as well. It's like, you know, like Ocean's Eleven where they pull these really intricate heists and they have alternative plans for everything that goes wrong. It was that. I think it was

originally in Italian or Spanish, but they redubbed it in English and I hardly noticed the lips and the words don't match up perfectly. It works out great. That bothers me. I can't not look at their lips while it's not matching up. And I hate when, like, let's say Koreans have a phrase that means,

hey, good luck to you. I wish you the best, and I'll see you in the future. But it takes, And then it's just like you hear a long, drawn-out thing where they basically, like, hold on. And then it's just like, you hear a long drawn out thing where they basically like pause on his face. And it's, it's awful. I don't like it.

It's so distracting. I can subtitles those if I, cause I put the subtitles on there and I forced myself to focus on the subtitles instead of their mouths. I can do it, but then I'm focusing on the subtitles so much that I'm not getting everything on the screen. I'm on the other team.

Yeah, no. And half the time I watch a show, I'm like alt tabbing to something else and maybe reading while the show is going on in the background. And I do it with subtitles. And I'm like, actually, I'm not getting any of this. The show is just passing me by. You can't multitask with subtitles. You know what's funny with those like there are some movies where it's in english but it's like what is it called like cockney accent or whatever uh whatever that accent brad pitt had in snatch that like i can't even

understand what he's saying he was talking about dags and you don't even fucking know like that's one of those movies when i watch snatch and he starts talking i'm like i know that's english but i have to watch to know what he's saying because are you like that because for some reason that is the way he talks in snatch just my wife and i have a daily disagreement over something similar to that so almost every morning i don't go downstairs we have breakfast i sit at the island and she cooks or whatever. But she's always moving around. So she'll be in the dining room, which is an adjacent room,

facing the other direction, talking to me. And it's like, if I can't see your lips, maybe just wait to say it. That's not working for me at all. And she's like, your hearing is going, which is possible. My father's hearing went around my age. As a matter of fact, when I first started dating, no, when I first married Jackie, so maybe we're a little older. He was a little older than I am now. And she called him dad.

You know, you get married, you call your, you go first names are mom and dad. But we just called him Tad for like years and years. We would call him Tad. He didn't know I talked to him last night for a while and he kept pronouncing COVID covert or something like that and I corrected him and he just

didn't seem to hear me correct him twice and I'm like alright it's gonna be covert it's the covert maybe that's some sort of a maybe he means covert maybe he's maybe that's like it's a code that i slipped on he's i don't know maybe he's like maybe he doesn't believe in covet and he thinks it's some sort of government program some sort of covert government program no i think you said that they they've like quarantined and stuff because i mean they're older yeah yeah. So I was talking to him.

I think I want to dox him, but he had just turned 23 not too long ago. I won't give away his actual birthday. Did I say 23? 73. Yeah. Wow. He looks terrible. Yeah.

23. I went to visit him in the DeLorean. Very heavy drinker. How do you drink yourself into wrinkles? Anyway, he turned 73. And so they're being careful about it. They're actually so careful, they're sort of waiting for someone else to go first on the vaccine.

They're eligible. They could get in line towards the front. But he's like, yeah, some guys are having reactions here and there. My mother, apparently when she gets flu vaccines, she's one of those people that kind of gets heavy flu symptoms. There's a vaccine coming out not too long from now where you get one dose

instead of two. They're maybe waiting for that. We'll see. Anyway, they're sort of COVID aware and they're trying to make smart decisions. They're just letting other people storm the beach just in case. That's what you're going to do, yeah, they're sort of COVID aware and they're trying to make smart decisions. They're just letting other people storm the beach just in case. Well, that's what you're going to do, right, Taylor? You've kind of said that you're a little worried about this vaccine.

I mean, I don't really, I don't ever get a flu shot either. So like if I need to get it, I will. No, I never get a flu shot. Why would I? No, no, no. You're just like, if I need to get it, I will. You don't think you need to get it? Well, I'm saying like if you need to like leave the country or something but otherwise i'm almost positive i already had it after i got back from colorado and felt shitty for a few days so i'm just really not i mean i'm abiding by all the

rules and everything but personally because i'm young and not you know super unhealthy i'm not too worried so you're not going to get the covid vaccine probably not i mean i guess maybe i want it if you're with me on that of course i'm with you on that yeah no i feel like there are things you know what people aren't going to understand my pet last year i didn't go to any paramotor events right none and it was because a 200 person 200 300 person fly in where you like socialize it's a bad idea in a pandemic right yeah so i didn't go to any and now i'm kind of jonesing for one i would really like to go and i don't know i enjoy i mean it's a thing that i do and it's that going to be allowed though because i was like like even after you get vaccinated they're

saying like you can still spread it potentially. So would you be able to just go out and rejoin the world? Well, I didn't know that. That's the thing. If that's what it is and it's like you get this and then it's like, all right, fucking go to the bar, fucking go to the restaurant, go to the shooting range, go do whatever. Then, yeah, I'm down. I'm totally down. It was my impression that now I'm like 98% immune, which is enough immunity by my standards, right? Because I'm probably not going to die, right? I'm not 73 years old, diabetic is enough immunity by my standards, right? Because I'm probably not going to die, right?

I'm not 73 years old, diabetic, fat, asthmatic, right? Like I'm probably going to be okay if I get it. Really, I just want to be responsible for the other people around me. You know, we watch this baby. I've got my wife and my kids and I don't want to be the guy that brought it to them. I don't want to come home from a fly-in and then everyone gets sick and we all know damn well what happened. That's the scenario I'm trying to avoid so uh so yeah like i think kyle and i have the same mindset in that like we want these vaccines so that we can resume normal life and not be a hazard to the world i hope that over

the next year everyone who wants the vaccine gets the vaccine for free and then the virus mutates and becomes 90 deadly and everyone who is anti-vax literally dies it would be one of the one of the biggest advancements in human intelligence i don't know since we invented fire like like and and and there was this one group of cavemen who couldn't fucking work it out and thought it was black magic and look i my grandfather ate raw bison and i'll eat raw bison you get that mumbo jumbo away from me it burned tom because you're right tom's hand it's all burnt up. Yeah, you know there was the Thomas Edison in that time who was just burning people indiscriminately. Like, you really want to harness the power of the flame?

Rawr! Just because Tesla figured out the Tesla caveman. But yeah, you're right. That might actually help. Every so often I hear the Democratic Party's wiped out and will never come back. That would wipe out the Republican Party and they would never come back.

Good. That's where the anti-vaxxers are. I don't care who gets wiped out. Stupid people. I don't care what political affiliation that they correspond to. Isn't LA a hotbed for that shit? For anti-vaxxers? People who don't want to vax for measles? It might be, but it's

become practically a plank in the republican platform over the last year that might be temporary right about what basically covid is a scam the vaccination is a method of mind control chip implantments and all that bullshit is i don't think anybody reasonable or in the mainstream thinks that that's all right and all left that that's like far rightright and far-left that has this... I might get overexposed to that part of the right. Yeah, you go on Facebook. I think you are. I've never

heard anyone talk about that. The only thing I've heard is people being like, especially girls my age who are about to have kids and haven't had kids yet, they're like, yeah, I'm a little worried about the fertility aspect. That's what I've heard. There could be another bonus? Oh, but

COVID? Erectile dysfunction. It's one of the symptoms. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I take so much Cialis, my dick could have been broken for years now and I would have no fucking idea. It's like one of those Star Wars scenes where they both shoot their powers at each other and then

one over does the other yeah I take 10 milligrams of Cialis daily like I'm not gonna know are you sure of that dosage I'm 100% sure of that dosage he's so sure

I have the pack is next to me I just took 10 milligrams before we got started here. I'm hard as a rock right now. Pictures or it didn't happen. Wow, that is a lot. It's not. It's like two pills on a daily basis, and it's a 36-hour thing, right? Well, it's one pill.

It would be two Blue Chews, I think. No, Blue Chew comes in two doses. You can get the six and nine milligrams, I believe. Okay. I don't know why I thought it was five. But I'm sponsored by a different company that gives me 10 milligram mouth melty things. And I still have a couple packs of those. Does it taste good?

Eh, not really. None of it tastes good. yeah i mean that blue chew tastes like a sweet tart if you like sweet tarts like a baby aspirin was it always had in my head yeah really sweet suck those are what's the on those tier lists what is the lowest f g you put them at f and g no they are not there with good and plenties. Can we do candy tier list? Yes, we can do that. We have three and a half hours. Yes, we can do this and we're going to come up with our list and then we're going to pull Danny on all of them and it's going to take

a long time. So anyway, S tier candies. Reese's miniature cups. More chocolate. The chocolate to peanut butter ratio's. Reese's miniature cups. More chocolate. The chocolate to peanut butter ratio is perfect in the mini cups. Oh, so close yet so far, my friend.

No, you want the ones that only come out. You want the malformed Christmas trees that become eggs. Oh. You want those. The ones with lots of good peanut butter and enough chocolate. You want the holiday ones. That's too much peanut butter. It's not. It's just not. You want the holiday ones. That's too much peanut butter. It's not. It's just not.

You want more. Taylor employing the nah argument. The miniatures are the way to go because you get more chocolate and less peanut butter. The only proof is on you to prove that that is too much peanut butter. You can bite the bottoms of them off and you get that mouthful of peanut butter and then once you get that chewed up

you pop in the ring that's left over. That's all chocolate. They're great. That is great. And I'm not, I'm not coming down on your pick. That also deserves to be S tier. I'm just saying you limiting it to minis,

very short sighted. I think it's far sighted and, and it's, and it's, it's well researched. All right. They are, they are the best candy.

Okay. Now being far sighted is a hilarious counter argument. I'm farsighted. I can't see the forest from the trees. You're fucking blind. Don't talk to me about being short-sighted. I'm not farsighted. I'm nearsighted.

Back in those Mongo days, you'd have a fucking cane out there. Somebody would be guiding you around. I was showering the other day and i haven't showered in glasses for so long that like i stepped in i was like oh fuck i forgot you have to take your glasses off and first of all i remember like how much i hate showering blind it's just annoying and i was like where do i put them in the shower and like i have these little hooks obviously where the shower curtain goes and so i took them off and folded them up and like stuck one around the hook and then i got out

forgot i put my glasses in there slammed the curtain shut and then like had to blindly like feel through until i found and then i couldn't get it off the fucking hook and i couldn't see which way it bent it was i was alone but it was still you have do you have a backup pair of glasses no those go down are you handicapped? If these go down, I have to get a friend or my girlfriend to drive me to Costco to see my doctor for my eyes. Hypothetically, you open the refrigerator. There's two cans that look similar. Can you differentiate between...

SpaghettiOs and beef ravioli, right? Do you have any idea? Wait, SpaghettiOs and beef ravioli right yeah do you have any idea wait SpaghettiOs and beef ravioli yeah they're both Chef 4ID products I would have no idea because it would have the same color but like if I opened like it would just look like kind of a red blur with the label but like if I opened

the fridge and I saw orange juice and milk that's no trouble and like a black cherry can like I could I would know like that's no trouble yeah and like a black cherry can like i could i would know like that's the color of your girlfriend and a very similar looking girl like like her sister i don't know that she has a sister but like how far away is she by the way he only has an ex-girlfriend just to correct you there yes your ex-girlfriend and her sister are you're picking them up from the airport.

They're both standing there. Do you have any idea which is which? They're 50 feet away. Oh, 50 feet away. We'll say same height, same build, same hair color, and I have no glasses. I don't even know that one of them is my girlfriend. It's not only that I can't differentiate. It might be two look alike.

No, no. It's like I wouldn't pick her out from 50 feet at the airport. Like I wouldn't be like, oh, it's one of those two. I'd be like, fuck. How did I get here? This is reckless. Baby pop smoke. I got good eye over here. And so like now when I wake up in the morning, if I like have to check an email or something, I have to close my left eye and squint with my right eye and kind of go like that and read down it. You get close, huh? I do the old guy thing where I kind of.

My phone has that thing where it'll read. It's the aging eyesight, not the inherent one. You know, if you click next to the volume button on Android, there's a like read everything that's on the page to you i hate that i hate that because sometimes i wake up and i'm like bleary-eyed i don't want to look at a phone and i'm just like click that and i'm just like scroll through everything and it just tells me what i need to know yeah well i cannot do that another s tier candy and neither one of you are gonna even come close to agreeing chocolate covered raisins oh no i'm with you yeah no you won't find any fight here i

fucking love chocolate covered raisins loser podcast am i a member of chocolate covered raisins up there you guys are lame as shit the tippity top and you know what one level below them is the yogurt covered raisin the white yogurt covered raisin so fucking good tangy chocolate covered raisin yeah it's good kyle's on right on target with this and taylor i thought you knew more about candy i would have looked at you as a man who knew his candy and i'm not feeling it with like your mom made you brush her teeth three or four times a day i bet yeah i brushed my teeth all the time didn't fix my eye though see yeah so you you're insane you

at least have to move it down a tier it does not deserve to be there with reese's and i'll say twix i'll put that in the top two i like twix a lot twix are very fucking good but i'm going a little outside i'm trying to stay away from like the core candy bars because Twix, Snickers, and Reese's just kind of own everything as far as that goes. Although I'm a big Almond Joy fan too. Milky Way is garbage. Oh, we've had this argument before.

I forgot. If there were, if Milky Ways were just, if I had one of those deals where you, you want a lifetime supply of Milky Way, there's just going to be endless crates of Metro house. I would sell that membership for whatever I could get for it. Cause I would have no fucking interest.

Get a, get a jar of salted peanuts and then just kind of push some into the top. And now it's a Snickers. I'm not creating my own candy bar at home. First of all, they're just, you have infinite free candy for, for life.

And you can't spring for what? 50 candy bars with planters. You just push those in and you push them in fuck you i'm not doing that milky way or mush milky way or fucking mush they they hurt my teeth they're so mushy i need some substance in my candy bar which is why my third selection is the chocolate covered pretzel salty sweet chocolatey and a crunch that doesn't you know salt and chocolate are underrated pal's got some solid oh you know what's good almond uh m&ms the peanut m&m only i won't even touch a regular m&m your almond m&m is the best you know it's actually pretty good those M&M's

it's not a peanut M&M it's got like the Reese's peanut butter inside the M&M yeah Reese's pieces no no no cause Reese's pieces it's a ridiculous ratio and they suck these are big M&M's with like way it's like the size of a peanut butter or a peanut M&M

just get a jar of peanut butter and get it fucked over with this is way too much peanut butter I eat peanut butter and get it fucked over with. This is way too much peanut butter. I eat peanut butter out of the jar like it is ice cream sometimes. That sounds really good, actually. It's so good. Everybody likes peanut butter. But you know it's

so bad. You're eating peanut butter and then you have a nice spoonful of peanut butter and you're like, that can't be right. Looking at the label. Whenever anybody brings up Reese's Pieces, I Have a nice spoonful of peanut butter and you're like, that can't be right. Like looking at the label. Whenever anybody brings up Reese's Pieces, I can't help but remember the time. I was just talking about the other night with some guys.

Like when Harley was at my house and we were filming that video. And we left White Boy unattended on the back porch. And those whores that we had picked up at the bar were like feeding him a vodka, like a baby with a bottle and like poisoning him essentially. And I came outside and I was like, what are you doing to the little guy? Like he can't handle that. He doesn't drink. And white boy had also eaten like a family size bag of Reese's Pieces. So like 20 minutes later, he's doing that thing where you can't even sit up and bend over to vomit. You're just kind of

like laid back, just vomiting on yourself. Oh no. And it's this thick Reese's Pieces slurry that he's vomiting. And of course, it's going all over my outside couch. And the peanut butter, it's going to reek. And Kitty's violently

allergic to peanut butter she's not one of those people who gets itchy she gives into anaphylactic shock and she has to hit herself with an epi pen Alex is a bio weapon to her a fucking bio weapon he's that alien from the alien movies just spitting acidic blood like it literally burns kitty's skin off

like I've seen it happen with peanut dust peanut dust got on her hand one time and the skin peeled off. Goodness gracious. It's absurd. I don't remember. I think maybe the grocery store where they've got those big fucking lids you lift up.

And just like that, your skin's gone. It's a terrible self-defense technique. It only works 1 in 130 times. Yeah. What about sour candies we've been on the chocolate thing i'm not a sour man when it comes to candy i really don't like like sour patch kids never been for that yeah any sour candies i'm not really down it's not sour but um maybe it is vinegar cape cod potato chips are okay top the salt salt and vinegar chips. The salt and vinegar, yep.

Are we moving on to general snackery now? Right. I wasn't sure if I broke the rules on that. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. As snackmeister in charge. Yeah, the salt and vinegar potato chip is a top tier potato chip. Cape Cod in particular, I think.

I like the crunch. You earn that snack. The roof of your mouth hurts after. Every so often, I'll go on a long car drive and i see that like family bag of cape cotton it's like well i'm gonna be in the truck for the next nine hours so you know i'm not looking for six chips got a carbo load it's a long drive. Family of one. There's no diet justification. It's like an army of one, a family of one.

That's how I got into trouble. But yeah, but dude, you get two inches into that bag and it's like you need three days to heal from that burn. And there's not nearly as much as you want in those family size bags. Wait, I was saying the opposite. There's too much. You can't eat it. Oh, I'm always asking. What is it?

A family of what? Robins? My man over here has got, like, Billy Goat mouth flesh where he can have all the Cape Cod potato chips he wants and not suffer the effects. It's like, oh, Taylor, you've been eating poison oak for half an hour. Oh, oh, Taylor, you've been eating poison oak for half an hour. Oh, oh, my goodness. As a kid, I really liked warheads. Those super sour little, little, little. I think they're gum. No, no, no.

So what it is, they were OK, but they were only good because after the first minute and a half, it would become sweet. So you would fight through the absurdly powerful sour. And I remember thinking my dad was like a psychopath because those were huge when i was like in middle school and i had a big bag of warheads and because everybody was eating them and it was fun that school it was like how many put can you put in your mouth 10 and like kids like uh one could burn the inside of his mouth pretty bad because it's acid yeah and my my dad i remember like watching him eat him and he would like put in like a yellow one and then like when it got rid of the sour part, he'd spit it out.

And he would eat another one. He would only eat the sour time. And once it became sweet, he would spit it out. And I was just like, that's so... You're not getting the reward. It's like eating your vegetables so you can get your steak. I loved those as a kid. For me, it was elementary school, and they were very popular.

Everybody wanted warheads. Yeah. Yeah, for me it was elementary school and uh and they were very popular everybody wanted warheads yeah yeah i guess it was elementary school i say middle school bunch of 13 year olds eating eating candy that's a crazy idea 13 year olds 13 year olds eat candy oh i know i was saying like in school though to like to bring because obviously like my my memory was like running around on the playground and i was like, clearly that wasn't me at 13. We didn't have a playground at 13. What are the worst candies? All right, so we talked about those peanuts. What are they called?

The circus peanuts. Circus peanuts, terrible. Good and Plenty is awful. Nerd Rope, part of this is because of the disappointment. Because I remember on Nickelodeon seeing a commercial for Nerd Rope and being like, this just changed the game. And then I got one at a gas station with my grandma, and it wasn't even a letdown.

It was actively bad. It was a bad-tasting thing. How do you feel about Werther's Originals, that chewy caramel chew thing? My grandmother always had a bowl of those at her house, and I just remember as a kid ending up with lockjaw because I didn't have the you can't

sympathize with this I'm sure but I didn't have the jaw power to chew up a Werther's Original at five years old. Five year old me would just get oh god what do I do? Like I need a glass of hot water. I was clearing out entire old

folks homes but you're right those are good wait you're talking about the soft chewables right the soft chewy caramels good the hard ones the hard worthers are not good not a big fan of that those are only good if it's the only thing available and you're a bored child. Yeah, agreed. I also like, this is going back the opposite way to candies I do like, the Big League Chew, the shredded bubble gum. Remember that stuff? If they could unlock how to make that flavor genuinely last five minutes, and that's not a joke. Grape or original?

Whatever was in the store. Grape was the superior flavor. I've got a couple terrible candies. One, Sugar Baby. Are you familiar with this? Impossible to chew. Some guy thought that he could fool the candy system by going, what if we go only sugar?

No. There's got to be something else in there. Here's another one. Next two are hugely overrated. Wax Teeth. Oh, my God. People would look forward to these wax teeth. You put them on, you run around, you look like a vampire for a brief amount of time,

and then it turns into gum or something. It's wax. It's terrible. It's barely candy. It's not candy. That stuff would never survive if it wasn't shaped like teeth. That this wax turned into candy and it is it is it's basically wax with sugar in it oh with like liquid water it's like sugar water and

injected into a wax form dude that candy would never survive if it wasn't teeth shaped no one would agree no one oh they make the little beer bottles of it though have you seen those it's like these little they might be called Coke bottles or something like that. You bite the top off and it's got a little liquid in there. And it's like, it's another candy where the idea is so much more fun than, you know, the execution. Yeah, I have another candy that's wildly overrated. Double Bubble. Again, if that wasn't packaged with, or came in some good distribution outlet,

like the machine you put the quarter in, baseball cards, no one would eat Double Bubble if it had to compete with the Hubba Bubba. You're talking about that you pull the two ends like a Tootsie Roll and you've got a little pink. You have a little bit of sidewalk chalk. So that was huge when we played baseball. We would literally have a bucket of it. It would come in these like tubs that you like

take the top off of and that tub of double bubble would be sitting on the bench at the baseball games if that tub was filled with bubblicious it wouldn't last long at all I bet they brought that same tub game to game to game we loved it

you're just chipping your teeth. We loved it, but if someone ever broke out the big league to you, that was the winner, for sure. Taylor once said that Oreo, I'm sorry, that Girl Scout cookies were just not as good, and if they had to compete

on the open market with Oreos and Chips Ahoy, that no one would ever buy Girl Scout cookies. They only do it because of opportunity like they push it at you and they make you feel like sex appeal a good thing sure sure you know for for buying them that's how i feel about double bubble it would never work if it's like one of those bikini car washes you'd never let a bunch of fucking women wash your car if they weren't in bikinis i barely i barely trust like a car washing professional right they'll scratch it all up you gotta like rinse the sponge you can't you're just rubbing grit on the car if you don't do this properly but you see like five college

ladies you know bikinis you're like yeah go get it yeah go ahead then you leave and you're only like 20 of your car ever got wet and you're happy with the service. They didn't even rinse. They didn't even rinse. $35 wash. You have to immediately pull into the one provided at the gas station. That's how I feel when those little girls show up with their clipboards. Whatever you need. Whatever you need.

Come in. Let's talk about this. How many boxes of Samoa? No, no. Your mom can stay in the car. Hi. You can get in my car. I hate those candies i hate those candies or not candies cookies those are shit i disagree strongly by the way about the girl scout cookies okay samoa's fuck thin mint samoa's samoa's are one of the best cookies that there are

as far as like cookies you can buy first of all you can buy them in the store now we can buy girl scout cookies in the store i've seen them the samoa is like a lot of my favorite things it's like chocolate and caramel and coconut i like coconut so i'm a big fan of this i like all those things but so no samoas do not have a weak spot for me what i they have one that's like a like peanut butter in the middle it's like a nutter butter tag along I don't know the name of it but it's essentially a nutter butter and it dips in milk really well which is a huge cookie character the nutter butter is a very good cookie

the nutter butter you're probably right about that because the nutter butter had scientists in R&D figuring out the optimum everything not hot little girls fly by night. Not sexy girls in green miniskirts.

What a bunch of hot ass little girls making them cookies. It was a couple of Jewish guys in a factory with some beakers and stuff. This is why CNBC didn't want to work with me. You shouldn't have linked him the clip. You should have been like it's mostly a financial advice

you never link them the clip you just go on and then you're on there and then the best part would be if you at the end you were like rsk is the stock that i have put i mean it's been in my portfolio for years and i'm hoping it'll be in yours rsk rsk for life that's what i always say google it google it you won't be disappointed i wonder what happens if you google rsk it's um you know what happens uh there's a bitcoin link is it a threat oh that would be great if there were a bitcoin link that so so that the people over there would get confused at msnbc oh my god it would work that much better yeah dude this is all bitcoin stuff on my i thought i had millions i lost all my money to this podcast um yeah i don't know um i i really like the the nutter butters i like peanut butter

just about anything but but you're you're so wrong about the fucking reese's cups like i'll tell you the perfect example of and when i learned this it's when I was a kid and it was Easter and my mom would get us these Easter eggs and and don't think an Easter egg they were these peanut butter Easter eggs that they made at some sort of bakery somewhere you're holding your hands in the size of a human head is that what that's the size they were they were this it was like a baked potato that's it's a okay think of the biggest baked potato you've ever had it's that of peanut butter coated in like a tiny amount of chocolate just enough to cover the peanut butter up essentially enough to keep it together and as like a chocolate as a 12 year old you get like eight mouthfuls in and you're just like

have a stomach ache immediately this is the best day immediately my life you're like how do i even preserve this for later i need a ziploc bag it was so bad yeah but you're also you're attributing that nonsense and that does sound nonsensical having a football amount of peanut butter with a thin coating like the earth's crust of chocolate that's ridiculous what i'm talking about the reject christmas trees that are pumped out to be easter eggs those ones that's ridiculous. What I'm talking about, the reject Christmas trees that are pumped out to be Easter eggs, those ones, that's a perfect ratio. It is a thick amount of chocolate on a bigger amount of peanut butter. The more chocolate, the better. The peanut butter should be a special treat on the inside. I don't need 50-50 peanut butter. I want 70-30. No. When it comes to this kind of candy, I'm about equity.

I want about a 50-50 split. What's your number one movie snack? You don't give a fuck about calories. You're picking what you want because you're a big boy. I'm going to eat crab leg and smoke a cigar. Get him out of here! Get him out of here!

are just get him out of here watching the shawshank redemption i'm just more butter if you want to go that direction kyle let's just got him good nothing matt one time we snuck out of cisco early we watched a movie we brought five guys and beer with us. I had some sort of beer cider thing. I did the same thing, but not five guys. I went to Chipotle. And my girlfriend and I went to go to Chipotle.

It was right next to the movie theater in Buford in the Mall of Georgia. And we put two of those honking, gigantic fucking Chipotle burritos in her purse. It smelled like chicken the rest of the day. It was great. And we got some large fountain drinks and we had our chipotle burritos and it was amazing because we hadn't eaten dinner yet we had timed this thing really poorly and it was just like well we'll do both at the same time i don't want to miss purse upgrade right what would it smell like before foundation or something leather and fucking foundation yeah yeah get out of here. Chicken's way better.

I bet your dog would agree. Yeah. Yeah. This was. Oh, go ahead. I like popcorn. I like I like the standard popcorn. I do like butter on it, but I like that.

I like popcorn a lot. I think it's the most classic popcorn. You get so much of it that like it seems like a great deal, even though it costs nothing to them and it's costing you $8. It lasts through the whole movie. There's no way I can finish an entire popcorn. When I get candy, and this is why I think I haven't got candy at a movie since I was seven, because then you get your one little box of candy, and before the previews are over, you're a kid and you're so excited,

you eat half of it, and then the rest of of the movie half of your attention is diverted to candy rationing whereas with popcorn you're just eating like a king the whole time and when you're done it's like oh this this three quarts just fucking dump it out and let the i've seen your twitch streams i know you have movie theater money you do not have to ration the Raisinets if you don't want to. You could be like, I'll take four. I certainly do. I certainly do need to be rationing. It's not the money. I'm not like, damn, I don't have Mike and Ike cash.

But it's two for four. I can stock up in case COVID comes back again. It's just nothing but Mike and Ike's. That's a good candy, too. Mike and Ike's are pretty good. I would put them middle of the road tier. C, I guess. Not even sure if I've ever had them.

Really? They're kind of jelly beanish. I do like jelly beans. Yeah. They're like better jelly beans. I'm not a big fan of jelly beans. Maybe because a lot of the time I've had them, they've been like in dishes that have been sitting.

A good gourmet jelly bean can be pretty good. I like the Harry Potter jelly beans. I was about to bring those up. And like, I remember when those came out, like people be like, oh, try this one. It's vomit. Oh, this one. Yeah. It's this Harry Potter doing this. This is Bean Boozle. Bean Boozle does that. And you can maybe that's maybe that's yeah it's this harry potter doing this this is bean boozle bean boozle does

that and uh you can maybe that's maybe that's what it is i don't think harry potter beans were selling cum and vomit yeah it's not cum actually it's spoiled milk or coconut so the bean boozle for those unfamiliar there'll be two identical looking jelly beans and one will be like what's green flavor mint and the other will be lawn clippings one will be chocolate and the other will be vomit or dog poop or something like that and you don't know what you got until you bite into it now you can squeeze it and cheat but that's cheating and colin gets mad at you for that that's cheating, and Colin gets mad at you for that. That's cheating. Do you ever, like, fool him?

You get the dog-do one, you eat it, and you're like, hmm, chocolate, and then he grabs the other one, the old crisscross switcheroo. That's not how it works. I don't know how the game works. Yeah, no, you take it out from a larger container. Like, it's all stored. You don't know. No one knows if you get a win or lose in this thing yeah i love how you phrase that no one knows anyone's gamble yeah

bean attack bean bean boozle is that what you're looking for bean boozle bean boozled let's Oh, the fifth edition challenge. Only $60? Oh, my God. Yeah, there's a game you can make out of it. Oh, here they are. Here's the... That's not expensive, actually. This isn't $60.

So you can have coconut or spoiled milk. They look the same. Buttered popcorn or rotten egg. Peach or barf. Strawberry banana smoothie or dead fish. Like, these are the... Juicy bear or booger. Tutti Frutti or barf. Strawberry, banana, smoothie, or dead fish. Like these are the... Juicy bear or booger. Tutti Frutti or stinky socks.

Birthday cake. Identical to dirty dishwasher. And then you bite in and you find out if you won or lost. And the game is just a little like spin thing. I don't know what other... What's like chutes and ladders maybe. You spin the little thing. And it'll tell you to grab a yellow one there it is okay if you become an expert you're like oh no

like the downside of strawberry banana smoothie is the worst dead fish is my least favorite flavor whereas like spoiled milk you know maybe isn't quite as bad as dead fish. You know, another good candy are Charleston Chew. I would put them around B level for me. I like those. That sounds like a black candy from the civil rights era. Well, I know that they sold it at Toys R Us. It's inside of it is a white, like sugary taffy type thing and when you bite it it's it just takes a lot i can see why a man with like massive mastication muscles would like the charleston chew you're just

flexing on everybody yeah just wolfing down charleston chews not even enjoying them those are good what other fucking candies do i like reese's fast break that's in the s tier those aren't even around as much anymore but it's got the chocolate the peanut butter and it's got a nice nougat layer there which complements the other two ingredients nicely you would like that kyle have you ever had a fast break yeah i've had them i'm not a huge fan i like i really like the standard minis you said you like the nutrageous ones, and the nutrageous isn't nearly as good as the fast break. I really do like the nutrageous. I like

peanuts. I like the peanuts in there. It's like a peanut Reese's Cup candy bar. How about Payday's? I like Payday's. Almond Joy. That Payday is the one that's mostly peanuts, right? It's peanuts just held together with caramel. Dude, you cannot eat that in your car if you're looking to avoid crumbs that is that is an outdoor like

at the gas pump type of treat where you can leave the calories on a payday i used to buy those and i'm like it's like a healthy treat i'd be like on my way to hockey practice or something and at the time I was so active it never mattered or anything but I would eat that and at some point being like oh what and it's like ingredients 85

peanuts half a cup of caramel oh okay I guess it is too very dense then Then we cover it all in chocolate. No, there's no chocolate on it. There's no chocolate? It's just caramel and peanuts? Caramel holding together a mass of peanuts.

I can't believe you never had a peanut. And it's very salty. How do you even handle it? Oh, carefully. 462 calories in that. That is actually a lot. It's like a Big Macs 550. i'm laughing at taylor but dude i like i'm in my 40s and i it's not that i didn't know trail mix was really high in calories it's just that i had an association with trail mix and maybe nuts in general as athletes food

you know like it this is a in the same way that maybe a comparable idiot would think that Gatorade was, like, kind of good for you, right? Because athletes eat it, right? Athletes drink it. This is what, it's got electrolytes so that you can play basketball. I need this 300-calorie drink just like Tiger Woods does. Right, right. See, that's the thing. Like, Gatorade is great for you.

If you're Michael Jordan playing 42 minutes a game, like if you're out there fucking sprinting up and down the court for 42 minutes a game, you need 300 calories of like sugary, salty electrolytes. You need them. Maybe. I bet he drinks water. But like, oh, no way. I've seen him drink it.

Alex Ovechkin, a player for the washington capitals one of the best goal scorer of all time he drinks like out of those big bottles i usually see water sprayed from he'll have those like filled to the brim with like ice cold coke and just drink coke he is the best goal scorer of all time that's probably why i mean yeah soda he just he needs all that sugar, all that caffeine. That's what I was doing wrong. And he just got in trouble. They're like, he has to miss four games along with a couple other people

because apparently a COVID rule was you couldn't go to your teammates' hotel rooms and hang out. You had to go just back. You had to go to the practice facility or the game facility and then back to your own hotel rooms. And that doesn't make any sense, I guess. They all went and hung out in someone's hotel room. He got caught or busted.

His statement was like, I am so sorry for hanging out with my teammates in a hotel room. It will never happen again. I promise not to spend my whole suspension in my teammates' rooms. You really make me scared.

You know, at any time I can go back to Russia and Putin will pay me $75 million a year just to play, right? Like, I can do this any time. Yeah, but over there, you have nothing else to say if he poisons you. So there's that. I put him on my death list. I would only agree to play hockey in Russia if I could be like Putin's winger. Just getting wonderful, easy passes. Or if it's the opposite, he's giving me terrible like suicide passes and I'm getting crushed by the other team.

But you have to try and pick up Putin. You wouldn't try to, so my thinking is no one's going to play D on Putin, even the goalie. So you would lead the league in assists. You'd set records and you just passed a put and fuck the goalie be getting assists while everyone else lets him score yeah i've had my stats in rigged russian exhibition hit me with it hit me with it yeah now i got the assist back to you putin my stats like six games played zero goals, 91 assists.

You have seen that clip of Putin skating badly and like the goal, kicking himself out of the way. And like what you can tell is a little bit of actual like panic or he's like, I don't think, will he think I'm insult him? If he like does what you do, because I was a goalie. I know how you behave when like you're trying to let a four-year-old score and make them think they did it, and that's exactly what that guy did. I don't get why Putin would do that.

It just makes you look like a dumbass. I've seen Putin fall. Off a horse? On the ice. Oh, on the ice. I've seen him fall on the ice. That's got to be him for everyone there. And, like, I mean, last time I skated, I only fell like twice.

And it was like the third time I'd ever been on ice skates. It's like, how are you falling? Really? I fall sometimes. You're the president of Russia. Okay. I wasn't playing hockey, to be fair. I was doing laps around the rink and I fell.

Like it. I don't know. Like sometimes you're just aggressive or something you're not good step on the puck or something pushes you like fall has happened it's really fun but it hurts so goddamn much like i just remember my my lithuanian friend was just like yeah you should learn to skate it's so much fun and i'm like don't want the figure skates or the hockey skates he's like oh the hockey skates are so much easier and they're not gay all right all right great great both true are they yeah well it's easier uh i think it's easier to teach someone who hasn't skated before on those because of their rounded edges you can do more of a running motion okay whereas i think

because figure skates blades are flat it's more similar to like a goalie skate. So you'd have to teach someone that further out. They be flat. They do so many spins and stuff on the center. No, I mean the, the bottom, right?

Me too. It's flat. And then there's like a tiny little hump, right? And then some spikes. There's spikes in the front. I want to say the bottoms of them are curved, which would make sense because they need agility as much as hockey players do.

The flat ones are the speed skaters, I think. And I know it also has to do with the depth of the groove on the bottom part. Oh, is that called concave? The middle? Yeah, concave it is. I'm sorry that I did this to everyone. Now we're going to go through the variables, the pros and cons of all levels of concavity on different kinds of ice.

Slide one. Who's your favorite speed skater mine's anton apollo ono that's the only one i know that's the only one what about the australian guy that won a gold medal are you familiar with him no dude this guy yeah he was terrible and uh in the like early rounds everyone in front of him fell, so he advanced to the next round. And then it happened again and again, and it happened three or four times in a row. This guy was going to get last in every race, but in front of him, they kept crashing into each other and falling. And I think he got a gold medal.

He's back there slow and steady. Win the race. Yeah. He's obviously good. He's in the Olympics, and he looked really athletic. Sure, but he's obviously good he's in the olympics and he looked really sure but he was the olympics yes yeah with a gold which uh never mind um are there are we gonna have an olympics this well we already talked about that subject i don't think we will i don't think there will be an olympics uh so i was just hearing about. What they're planning now is to have an Olympics

this year and it will be called the 2020 Olympics. Yes. I was I just found the Putin slipping on the ice thing. We can't watch an ABC news clip. I was expecting him to like fall embarrassingly. He did that thing that lots of people do where they're

like waving and they skate into the carpet that's on the ice. Oh yeah that's that's totally understandable yeah i oh number number two was like mr president no but he doesn't want to put hands on vladimir putin so he just has to let him go and everybody as soon as he falls and stands back up the whole team's applauding oh that's so great you fell down on the carpet and got up by yourself mr president putin overlord putin master putin and whoever the other team is they don't even want to look how do i get to pull up against putin again look what did you think about uh mr putin falling on the ice in front of you guys i saw nothing i saw nothing of the kind. And frankly,

I'm surprised that you would besmirch our great leader in such a way by telling these ridiculous lies here in front of all of these good people. It's like practice is ending. There's one Russian soldier walking in the rink with a flamethrower. Punish the ice for tripping Putin. Putin just sitting up and stands watching. Yes. That will teach this cold water to trip me.

Not so hard now. Yes. Now who is no longer so hard and cold? Yes. I waste tremendous amounts of money on bets and wagers in my own head only yeah that'd be pretty dope i like when uh presidents come out and throw the ball so like but but what we don't do is have presidents come out and like strike out all-star players that would be the equivalent right like like if you

had fucking if if donald trump goes out and instead of just throwing the first pitch he fucking he fucking strikes out three three batters to begin the game for the for the yankees and then like retires to the stands to watch the rest of the game trump goes out there and he's just incredible just now watch watch this he was able to Trump goes out there and he's just incredible. Now watch this. He was able to strike him out because he actually gets his ass momentum going before the arm. That's how he was able to hit 110 miles an hour. You see that? Look at the momentum. We're going to slow it down. Look at the rippling of the fat in the ass area. Did Trump throw any pitches? I don't remember. I thought he did. I thought he did. Oh, maybe he did. I thought, wait, who did it?

I know George W. Bush. He threw it pretty well. Yeah, there's a graph of who does the worst. I think like 50 Cent is one of the worst. And George W. Bush, after 9-11, I think it was, threw a surprisingly good one. I might be wrong about this, but I think he might have played college baseball. He was a cheerleader in college. Well, that doesn't add up with my theory then that's not very much throwing at all especially not baseballs gone do yeah yeah interesting there's a cheerleader i do remember

that now yeah what is it what's it called the first pitch oh no trump is the first potus since taft not to throw the first pitch oh so it's a fat guy thing. It could be a fat guy. I think Trump never wants to be in a situation where he doesn't look good. You know, he avoided all the White House correspondence dinners. He avoided the first pitch. It's just on brand for him to be like, you know what? This is not an era. This is not a game I can win. So I'm not playing.

And even if he could, by some miracle throw, imagine how fat he would look without those tapered coat jackets. That can hide a lot. Chris Christie, he's an absolute disaster, but he looks a million times better in a suit jacket than he does standing there in a normal white suit. What do you have, Kyle? Bush played baseball at his boarding school in Andover, Massachusetts, Phillips Academy. Okay.

And then, of course, was the head cheerleader, thank you very much, during his senior year. The cheerleaders recruited him. See? He was a middling baseball player, but when they saw his enthusiasm on the field and the way he was cheering on his fellow players, we got to get this guy. We got to recruit him over to the squad. We'll make him head cheerleader. When they saw his enthusiasm on the field and the way he was cheering on his fellow players, we got to get him. We got to get this guy. We got to recruit him over to the squad.

We'll make him head cheerleader. And they did. All right, then. Dude, good Lord. 50 cents is so bad. I can't believe it. He looks at me. It's not the worst.

No? It's the worst. Baba Booey is the worst. He hit someone, right? Like, didn't he hit? One worst he hit someone right like didn't he hit one of them hit someone that actually maybe it was 50 Cent who hit someone with the pitch but Baba Booey is the worst because he got his chance for redemption on the Jimmy Kimmel show and

that yeah then he hit someone then he hit a woman in the audience was that planned he says it wasn't and it didn't seem to be because like like it was definitely planned by jimmy kimmel but jimmy kimmel is like a longtime fan and like uh like contributor to the stern show so i could see them potentially like playing that joke on him because like baba booey is on jimmy kimmel showed i believe to promote his book and he's like he

he brings up jimmy kimmel does the pitch the famous like worst pitch ever and he's like how about a chance at redemption and he produces like a glove and a ball and everything and they like pan the camera over and they've got like a little mound for him to pitch from and jimmy goes to catch for him and he like sails one over jimmy's head and hits a lady in the crowd that's hilarious there it sounds a little plain though um i saw 50 i've just been watching the first i'm sorry the top five worst celebrity first pitches ever um 50 cents i was obviously terrible he missed the catcher by like i don't know or 50 feet something like that like a lot but it's like oh you see what happened he got nervous and he fucked his grip up or something and didn't let it go properly his release was messed up i don't

think he's ever thrown a baseball what have you seen it recently black people don't play baseball in the inner city they play basketball they don't have access to the fields and he throws it well you might be right about not playing baseball. His whole wrist thing there is ridiculous. Like his whole, like, like he's just wrong in this image. I'll watch the whole video. So it's timestamp.

Yeah. I almost hit the guy with the camera. Yeah, he did. Uh, Oh yeah. That's, that's interesting what he's doing there.

right. Do you not think it could be just a mistake with his fingers that if he had two chances the other one would go much better maybe he's right-handed if you go back in that video a bit a handful of girls hold onto the ball too long and barely make it to the grass they just throw it right at the mound yeah because they they also can't can't throw like like like like it's because they never played baseball either. True.

I don't think 50 Cent has a lot of, I don't know 50 Cent's history, but I would imagine that, I think he's from New York, and seems like a very urban guy, and that's not code for anything. I think he grew up in the inner city, and probably never played fucking baseball a day in his life, and that's what happens when you've played fucking baseball a day in his life and that's what happens when you've never played baseball a day in your life and you try to throw from the mound and you're probably pretty nervous i wouldn't do it i would look like a fool the

kardashians are my favorite one they weren't the worst they gave that to 50 cent but there's four of them lined up i think three girls and a boy but they're all terrible and then there's four catchers lined up but somewhere they all throw at the same time the balls crisscross the catchers lose track of it they start ducking and covering it's pretty good have you seen the blind girl throw no was it better than 50 cent by far what kind of cruel joke was that inviting a blind girl to throw the first pitch they should have they should have given her like a fucking orange or something just to really yuck it up doesn't even know taylor are you sure your idea to get our minor league baseball team out there is to have a blind woman throw the first pitch yeah yeah yeah let's look at this we get everyone fired up

yeah everybody's gonna be so excited we take her out there spin her around and then oh just have her throw it at third base instead and then everybody claps like she made it yeah i i'll admit i would be pretty nervous to throw out a first pitch in front of a full stadium. Like that would be super. Yeah. Yeah. But I would be practicing for literally a week like leading up to this thing. Some presidents do that. I don't know about a week, but I think it might be – a lot of guys might think, well, I can throw a ball, right?

I can hit – I can throw a ball close enough that a professional catcher will be able to catch it right but you know a lot of people might be surprised to learn that this thing they haven't done in the last 27 years they're not good at anymore it's a little different throwing off that mound too is it i don't think i've ever yeah oh helpful? No. No, it's harder throwing off a mound. I know. It's harder. And if you don't know, you know, if you don't have a windup, like you don't know what you're doing,

then you can look kind of silly up there if you just, I don't know. You would want to practice, and you might want to talk to somebody who had played baseball before or maybe even somebody who pitched before, and then you'd want to practice some more because it's immortalized. We here talking about it and that was years and years ago and we're not the only ones like like every sports fan knows about baba buoy's fucking embarrassing throw and that guy's coached his son's little league baseball team like that's what he did he was throwing balls all the fucking time like like every weekend he was throwing balls to kids another thing about it the comparisons

right i feel like this people said logan's paul sucks at boxing i didn't think that i compared logan paul to maybe people i boxed with or myself and i thought he was good he's better than me right unquestionably much better than me um but most people see logan paul and compare him to mayweather or ufc fighters or other guys that they've seen on their television and say he sucks because they compared him to the other. When I see a guy throw off the mound, I'm not watching all the other dads pitch. Right. I'm not used to seeing ordinary people who haven't thrown in a long time pitch. I'm comparing him to everyone else in the dugout.

And those guys pitch for a living yeah there's this fluid motion though that you have if you know what you're doing the velocity is not important and the accuracy isn't important to an extent as long as the catcher can reach out and grab it but like you don't have to throw a strike george bush threw a strike if i remember correctly like in it um but if you miss the catcher or if you look silly throwing it or if you don't have a windup at all, it's pretty embarrassing because you are in the fucking Yankee Stadium or wherever the fuck. Everyone there is a baseball fan. They just paid money to watch a baseball game.

It's kind of a no-brainer. And you're on TV and everybody watching it on TV is also a sports fan or watch a baseball game. It's kind of a no-brainer. And you're on TV, and everybody watching it on TV is also a sports fan or definitely a baseball fan. If you're going to throw one at the Braves Stadium, what kind of lead time do you think you need? If they say, we need you next week, you think that's enough time? Yeah, yeah. I need a week.

I need a week, and I'm going to go to a local field, and I'm going to get on the mound, and I'm going to get somebody to catch for me. I'm going to throw 100 pitches a field and I'm going to get on the mound and I'm gonna get somebody to catch for me. I'm going to, you know, throw a hundred pitches a day and like, I'll be sharp. I'll be able to throw it with like, look, it's not going to be fast. You do 700 pitches in seven days and then you go and you throw your arm

out. All right. Maybe not a hundred. Maybe not a hundred full speed, but like, just, just like lobbing it in there to like get the motion down like like like if i throw 100 as hard as i can like like i am

gonna throw my arm out but you know just going through the motions to like get the motion down and like have that be through the catcher you don't want him to have to move his glove somewhere wild i don't want him to have to move his feet. As long as he doesn't have to move his feet, I'm happy. And as long as it's not in the dirt or over his head, I'm happy. And it's got to get there. It's got to get there with a decent amount of a lot. I don't want to lob it in. I don't want to hit 75 miles an hour. If I want to not embarrass myself.

So I never played a throwing sport. Not to say not in gym or anything, but I never played like a competitive throwing sport. And I think if I had a week, you know, I could be in the midfield of other people who do this celebrity first pitch. Yeah, I wouldn't be a standout in either direction. That's all I need. Yeah, the goal is just don't miss.

Don't miss the man that you're throwing at. Other sports should do this. Imagine if we had presidents do the first snap. And it's the first one. Oh, I told you that Bears defense is nasty, Jim. I'm very excited to go up against the Lions offensive line today. Clearly, this league needs redistribution. It would be the defensive line.

Or defensive line. No, if he would be. Oh, yeah, you're right. I don't know shit. But, yeah, that. Trump. Trump's fat enough that he could have died. I thought you were going to say that he could have blocked the defensive

lineman like get your ass into it donald only if he happens to get knocked down in a way that is trippable like that's the only way nope like at no point would trump be like come at me bitch like no he'd get he'd get fucking shit rocked everyone would can you imagine how scary that would be i've've never played center. I mean, when I played fucking middle school football, I played on the line some, but just because we didn't have enough players. I played cornerback too.

I was the biggest cornerback in the league and also not very quick. The cornerbacks are supposed to be the guard wide receivers, right? Yeah. That's why after a game or two, I was removed from that position. I was put into, what was it? Tight end or uh linebacker i was guarding the snacks i remember i was just goofing around i'm college right so i'm fit right like i'm like the orange slices and uh i lined up

against this guy he was uh i think he was actually on the college football team. He must have weighed like 285, right? And he's strong. Oh, look, he didn't have a six pack, but like he was just big and strong and just everything about him. And it's like, what am I even expected to do? If I try a little bit, I could get hurt. That's how football was there was i remember like how awful it was there's one team we played and they had this kid that was like

they would huddle up and he was head and shoulders bigger than everyone in the huddle if i could like read expressions like we would have been able to know every play of that game huddle up and he was head and shoulders bigger than everyone in the huddle. If I could like read expressions, like we would have been able to know every play of that game. Cause you can see. And it was just like, what are they going to do? Oh, it's middle school football.

So they don't pass it. They're going to hand it off to fucking this monster. And then I'm going to have to just try and throw myself in the way. And it was just a steady march down the field at the page decided it's fucked it was just like oh god damn this guy everybody grabs an elbow and he just keeps bringing you yeah yeah there was one kid at our school like that he was a couple years older than me but he was Samoan and he Jesus Christ he was literally Samoan he was he was Samoan yeah really like he he was the epitome of that like yeah he was the epitome of that like so shredded that like nobody like and in a big like the kind

of guy who had a six-pack but also weighed 260 pounds at like six foot he was a bafflingly huge human being and every once in a while his Samoan family would come to like school events and watch him play and his brother was the he he would his brother would not have been made to look like a tiny man next to the mountain like he would you would have been like damn that other guy he must be at least like six six six seven like you know he's not as wide as the mountain but and his mom bless her heart seemed like a nice woman never talked to her but she looked like a bodybuilder like she even had the she had forearm veins and stuff this guy just had for it and i remember little known fact her vagina was like a shoebox for boots do you remember they would have like the thousand pound

club in the gym and in high school where it'd be like oh your squat deadlift and bench added up to a thousand pounds. You're in the thousand pound club. They had to make a new club for him called the twelve hundred and fifty pound club and it had everybody who completed all of them

and he was the only one that did that because I think he squatted when he was a senior like seven80 pounds or something. Jesus Christ. Something absurd. Are you in the 1,000-pound club now, Taylor? I suspect you are. No, probably not.

No. No, definitely not. That would take a bunch of deadlifting, and I haven't been doing deadlifting at all. So I'd have to jump. I mean, I've been doing accessories to deadlift stuff, so I'm sure that'd be easier, like strengthening my lower back. But no, I would have to get back into deadlifting really hard. That one clip of that strongman we watched like a year and a half ago. No, something Oberst, Robert Oberst, I think his name is.

And he's another strongman. They all look the same because they have those big, six foot ten and enormous. And like the way he explained it, like it really resonated. Like maybe there's a million other health experts who are like no casual lifting people should be doing heavy deadlifts and maybe they're right but like the way he put it and with his body being his resume i was like this i trust this guy yeah if people didn't see it man he was like if you're trying to get good at deadlifting then you deadlift that's that's you know That's a thing.

But if your objective is fitness or strength or whatever, deadlift, the risk-reward ratio is not there. I do deadlift. And it's funny. I think there's an AthleanX movement that you like and everyone else hates. I don't know. Is it like overhead press behind your head or something? No, I never do that. There's something that he put in his iron

graveyard that's his term for bad exercises and i remember it was just a week or two ago and you're like meanwhile everyone's been doing it forever and it works out fine that's where my head is on the oh upright rows is that what it is and uh yeah i think you're right anyway that's where my that's where i am on the deadlift. My deadlift's pretty light. I don't know. I just feel like it's part of a general strengthening routine. I think that and the upright rows are great exercises. The problem is that so many people get the form wrong. If you get the form wrong on your bench press,

you're not getting your triceps involved. You're doing all chest or vice versa. It's all chest. you're not getting your triceps involved but you're doing all chest or vice versa all right it's all chest you're not you're not getting your triceps involved at all meanwhile you do like a bad deadlift and you ruin your fucking lower back and you can't be in the gym for going forward your c4 and c5 are fused or whatever they are yeah exactly yeah same thing with like that that that fucking behind the head overhead press. It's like, there's no benefit. It doesn't even make sense.

Does your arm comfortably go that way? No, no one does. On face pulls, I have to kind of make it go that way. That's a weird movement. Your hands are supposed to win when they go back. Your hands are supposed to go further back than your shoulder.

And it feels weird because it feels wrong when you're doing it. And when I first started doing those, I can't count the number of times I had to re-watch a video and be like, Really? This is what I'm doing? Okay, I guess I'm doing it right. I'm just not feeling anything. I'm not feeling anything intense. Oh, really? I do. I get a good good exercise out of face pulls they're one of my top fives maybe that i like what i've been uh using a bunch of like adding because i did pull day today and so like i've added to the end of pull day i in like uh i guess it would usually be called like a drop set but i have like a resistance band that i stand on when like my arms are pretty much already

blown out and i'll do like 15 like partial movement because i don't go all the way down because it's a resistance band so i don't want to go down to no resistance so i just go down to like here i do 15 of those what color is the band uh it's black it was it's a 50 pound one i had a purple one that worked great and then that broke and so now i'm using a black 50 pound one that sucked. My purple broke. You could buy them individually. I have one now. Yeah, I need to. Because I was doing that today and I'm like, this black one fucking sucks.

I want the purple one back. Grab the green, you pussy. And so, yeah, I'm doing like just 15 of these like pretty quick and then 15 reverse curls. And I do that five times to like really just burn out whatever, like brachialis, I think, that forearm muscle and then also the bicep and everything. I mean, it's too early of doing it to see results, but it feels good. Like I feel tighter and more pumped after doing that, even if it does add a few minutes to the workout and suck. But what have you been adding, Woody?

I've been adding new. New? So I saw your video. I saw the ad thing. That was really impressive. You're looking good. You're looking very good. You are a top one percenter.

A 48-year-old? Yeah. I'm loving this curve I'm graded on. What was I going to say? Oh, so in a home gym, I really struggle to get a hamstring exercise. And I've been, I guess, bouncing from one to the next. I was doing like lateral goblet squats or something where you get on sideways. And I felt like I was doing 30 things wrong and it kind of hurt. And there's just a lot of movement.

So I dropped that. And now I'm doing, I don't know what it's even called, but you hook your ankles and you lean forward and try to like resist it and then pull yourself back up as best you can. I'm doing that today. It's hard to measure it, right? Because you kind of, first of all, the speed at which you fall is how much you're trying. And are you getting this? It's like the opposite. Are you bending at the waist?

Yeah, on the knees. I thought that was a lower back exercise more than anything. No, you'll see. You'll agree with me when you see it. So, if it's a back hyperextension and you focus on the humping motion, you do get some, some ass in there too.

Not just, I guess you get ass in there no matter what, because it works in concert with it. I'm looking for a picture. Yeah, I'm trying to, to picture this because I'm picturing the back hyperextension stand that you like lean on up to your upper thigh. Same.

No, like imagine standing on your shins, right? And your ankles are being supported and then you lean down and use your hamstrings, you know, to sort of slow that fall. Yeah. And then you give yourself like a light push up on the way up and it's, you know, sort of slow that fall yeah and then you give yourself like a light push-up on the way up and it's you know you do the opposite you pull yourself up with your hamstrings okay there's an attachment on the bench that can kind of secure your like right by your achilles and that's the that's the motion am i describing this one yeah yeah i think i got it yeah it really is it's the same kind of movement as the back hyperextension it's just

the fulcrum point is your knees instead of your. Perfect. Yeah. And I'm just in a home gym. I'm finding it hard to get good hamstring exercises. There's a cable one that I do where you like basically attaches around your ankle and you just bend it backwards. And I guess and everything else is like, well, this gets your hammies a little like deadlifts. But for dedicated stuff. Anyway, you asked what was new.

I'm fucking around with all these different hamstring things because without a machine, it's hard to get it right. It's funny you mentioned the hamstrings because in the next I ordered it like six weeks ago, maybe even longer. But in the next week, I'm supposed to get my leg, the plate loaded leg curl and hyper extension machine for quads and hamstrings you don't have that yet i don't have one of those yet it was uh that was one and like basically like when quarantine happened i had to almost buy stuff or be like oh that's what i want ah out of stock forever and this one was one of the ones that's been out of stock forever and so as soon as i got like the knowledge it was back in i ordered it it was only was only like 350, 400 bucks and the reviews are all good. And it's plate loaded like everything else that I have.

So I don't need to buy anything else. I'm looking forward to that because I really liked those machines in the gym, like just isolating your, your hamstrings. I isn't muscle. You don't, sometimes you'll feel like you didn't hit it hard enough. I have two significant things arriving at my gym. One is a double cable machine and the other is a rack to hold my dumbbells. Right now I have a very large shelf that takes,

it's not space efficient. So I have more space efficient dumbbell storage and then I'll put that machine in there and then I will take stock and see if I can fit that machine you're waiting for in my tiny little gym. That is the, you know, everything has to do like more than one muscle group and it has to be a problem

that's hard to solve with like a barbell. It is difficult to do hamstring barbell exercises, right? Like deadlift-ish. I don't know. You can't really target them that well. So anyway,

we'll see. I don't want to, it's like, all right, calm down. You got two things in the mail. Now it's not, let's get them in the gym, see what it looks like and see what's a fit.

Because I watch gym tours on YouTube all the time. I do that. Like I said on PKN, I didn't phrase it very well. I compared myself to a professional athlete, but no skills, no youth, no money, no girls, no fame, like it, but same attitude, enthusiasm and time. So that much i have and uh so i just spend my days like either doing the workout or like watching videos about working out this is like all i'm about now and um i do these gym tours and i judge them hard sometimes

these like even home gym tour is just a gym equipment showcase it's like dude a lot of those machines are targeting the same muscle group and you don't have the floor space to really get the exercises that i would want you know like where do you fucking deadlift where do you do your overhead presses you know meanwhile you've got three smith machines in there you dumbass you just like gym equipment that your hobby is collecting gym equipment not working out there's a guy like that and if you're watching gym like build reviews i know you've seen him i think his channel just called like garage gym reviews or something because i've i've gone there and it has good advice about the gym equipment it really does

yes coop that's his name and he he owns everything And so if you want to know how something works, he does have a breadth of knowledge about it because he owns fucking 15 bars. He's used every machine. But at the same time, it's like the video starts and it's like, do you use any of this stuff? Like you're not a very big, bulky guy. He's not that big, but he did a video not long ago

where he lifted and I can't touch any of his weights. Like, you know, I think he's- I'm sure he's effectively strong. That's it, yeah. Sometimes the power lifters, they're just stronger than they look. Whereas the bodybuilders, they're strong too.

I mean, bodybuilders aren't weak. It's just their muscles are not as strong per capita. I'm lacking the phrasing. Grim, grim. Not as good or whatever. Yeah, thank you. I like per capita i'm lacking the phrasing but you know like that gram not as good yeah thank you i like per capita yeah we're gonna make it catch on so you see your per capita muscle but um uh yeah yeah anyway that guy lifted because I guess he had had that criticism that you leveled at him a lot. And he's like, I just want you guys to know I do work out. And here's me like, you know, squatting. I was going to say 500.

It couldn't have been that high, but it was a lot. It was more than I could touch. Did you see? Is it Brian Shaw? I think it is that, you know, his cutting diet. He did a day of eating video where he's cutting weight, I think for the fight with the mountain. Fighting the mountain?

Yeah, I think so. And he's eating like 5,500 calories a day, I think. That's his cut. Yeah, that's his cut. And it was a lot of food he was eating you know but he's measuring everything down to like i don't know a gram or so like he's being really precise with what he's with his measurements and everything and uh at one point he ate an entire bag of sweet potato fries and he was like i know what you're thinking oh're cutting, but you're eating a whole bag. Well, normally I eat 9,000 or 10,000 calories a day, people.

All right? We've cut my calories almost in half. And yes, I get these two family-sized Rice Krispie treats before my workout. I need that energy to work out. You don't understand what my workouts are like. I weigh 400 pounds. Do you have an overhead press? A smart car? I don't understand. Here's what I wonder. Greg Doucette said this, and I'm paraphrasing,

but this is about 80% right. A person who needs 4,000 calories a day, but is in like a 10% deficit, so 3,600 calories, suffers the same amount as someone who needs 2200 calories a day but is also in a 10 deficit so eats 18 something or no is that right no 19 something anyway uh uh and i wonder if that's true is it as rough to have 3600 calories a day with the same percentage deficit as 1900 calories a day are we talking about like energy loss and like that? Or are we talking about just like hunger pangs? The hunger battle, the hunger drive is I guess what I'm thinking of. Yeah, I don't know.

I would think that like it's got to be more satisfying to have ingested 5,000 calories in the day than it is to do 2,000, you know, regardless of what – if the percentages of cut are comparable, it's just gotta be, he's eating more food. It's more, he's getting that satiation, uh, more throughout the day. Uh, but it was interesting to see his diet because it's like, first of all, he'd be sponsored by some company that makes these prepackaged meals. And I Googled like what they cost. And it's like to do three meals a day is like four or $500 a week. And like one meal a day is like two 50 a week or something like that. It wasn't cheap, but it seemed like really good food, but so whatever.

And I'm sure they're paying him, but it was 500 or 5,500 calorie think a day. day uh and it was mostly clean food it was like white rice and like bison and chicken and uh vegetables and like the only thing that looked fun was before his workout he had don't think like a rice crispy treat like this think the big bag of them that you get that's like that super rice crispy treat He was eating two of those plus like two tablespoons of peanut butter and a protein shake. Are they popular in the fitness world, Rice Krispie treats? The YouTubers I talk about mention Rice

Krispie treats so many times. I'm like, are these widely eaten? I haven't had a Rice Krispie treat in over a decade. That's not part of my diet. I'm like like are they talking about rice cakes and it makes sense that they would do that like the same reason that like marathon runners people with heavy exertion loads they'll eat like honey while they're riding or

like have like it's called the honey waffle they have those things like you can buy them and it's just like 200 calorie like just sugar and waffle and you eat it like while you're running to keep them moving. And so I can see rice crispy treats being just the cheaper version of the same thing. It's all just simple sugars. That's going to be energy real quick. And rice.

Yeah. And rice. And just, which is another, you know, white rice, other simple sugar. It's going to break down super easy and give him the energy he needs to,

you know, beat up a tire or whatever his workouts are. Yeah. Yeah. And I think his workouts are insane, you know, but yeah, he's going to fight. He's going to fight Bjornsson or whatever his workouts are. Yeah. Yeah. And I think his workouts are insane, you know, but yeah, he's going to fight.

Uh, he's going to fight, uh, Bjornsson, whatever his, or whatever his name is. Thor Bjornsson. Thor already had one fight against like an actual fighter.

What? And, uh, yeah, big news. I watched some clips of it. It, it,

it didn't look entertaining at all. He's like triple the size of the man he's fighting but he's super slow he's super slow and yeah he's a tank that's his stats i want to yeah i want to see as a fellow slow guy i think i view slow through a different lens like i wonder when he goes to throw a punch he does this oh it's not good to load up. Like there's a little windup. Someone loads up on their punches insanely and keeps losing in the UFC. I forget who it was. But it was like, it's been four fights. He's been loading up those punches.

When it hits, that guy's doomed. It was super saying. That video I linked, you have to go to 49 minutes to see any fighting. And this looks like the guy in the black shorts who's being forced to fight the mountain. Like, he must have committed some kind of crime. And this is Icelandic justice. Icelandic justice.

Like, yeah. Jesus Christ. Thor's barely even holding up a defense. I don't think he fears those hands at all. Oh, these are some slow punches Yeah he's very slow I think Eddie's gonna beat him up Wait is it Eddie or the mountain? Eddie's gonna fight the mountain

Wait I thought that Brian Shaw was gonna fight the mountain Oh is it Brian Shaw? I think Eddie's going to eventually fight the mountain. These are almost, I think they're exhibition matches and meant to build hype for the Eddie Hall fight. Gotcha. There is no footwork going down for Thor Bjornsson right now. Just his feet are moving just flat-footed, which can't do stuff.

They've been promoting that fight forever can't they've been like promoting that fight forever and it's been so long that i forgot who was actually fucking fighting in it so yeah in any case uh i guess i'll watch i'm not paying though i'm not paying i'm gonna pay this weekend to watch connor fight uh but i'm not gonna pay to watch Thor fight anyone. I was going to say anything. I'd pay for that. If he fights an animal, I'll pay. I would pay to watch him animals or multiple people. Just have him go fight in Japan.

Japan loves exhibition matches. Agreed. Collar. I don't know why I called you. I combined Collar. I like Collar. Kyle and Colin combined. $5, I'll take Poirier.

You down? Yeah, I'll take Conor. I was looking at Poirier's... I think it's $500. I'm amping up your guy's bet. I was looking at Poirier's resume recently. And you know I keep knocking Conor because his last impressive win was in 2016

against Eddie Alvarez. And I'm like, Poirier beat Alvarez. Poirier also beat Pettis. Poirier also beat Gaethje. Poirier also beat someone else, Max Holloway. And I'm like, this guy can beat anyone but Khabib. So that's where my logic is coming from. We'll see. think connor might be

able to beat anyone but khabib too you might be right but he hasn't proven it since 2016 true true i gotta stop watching this video but it is hilarious that this is like video game characters with different specialties we're like thor's just but when he does hit him with just an ill-timed hit to the side, the guy has to like jump with the movement. At one point he hit him with like the flat part of his glove, like around the ear. And the guy almost like the guy fell down. It's absurd how Thor lands.

He doesn't land a lot no I was just saying the one he hit him in the side and the guy was still like three feet from the ropes or whatever and he hit him and the guy just like knocks into the ropes pretty impressive pretty strong guy

this is actually a pretty entertaining fight to me I feel like most of the time I watch boxing this is against good boxers, like professional boxers, it's so much more boring than I ever expected it to be. Nothing ever lands cleanly. It's 80% defense, 20% offense. These guys,

I guess they're missing a lot, but it's at least as entertaining as watching Tyson fight to me. Yeah, I hate boxing. It disappoints a lot yeah it disappoints always like always like like you'll you'll like watch like some old muhammad ali highlights or something like yeah that's what boxing's like i'm gonna go watch some oh it's not like that at all is it that's that's that's not what boxing is like i think i think people got disappointed when mike

tyson was doing his thing and he was knocking all those people out in a minute or two minutes or whatever. But as a casual, not even fan, viewer, that's what I would want to see. I'd like to see someone who just goes out and actually hits the other person and doesn't want to hug them for 30 minutes. I was like an old teenager when that happened, maybe 20 or something. And I remember he fought Buster Douglas. And at that point, it seemed like buying his fights was a bad financial decision, right?

Because who wants to spend $40, 1991 for a 90-second fight, right? Like, that's a lot. But it was still an event that, like, oh, my God, Tyson's going to fight tonight. And the question on everyone's lips was, would you fight Mike Tyson for a million dollars? For a million dollars, would you fight him? Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying I'd win, but I'd even try.

You know, like, not me. I'd take a dive. Anyway, he's fighting Buster Douglas. And we're all like, oh, that fight started like four minutes ago. It must be over by now. But it wasn't. I didn't see it live. By that point, you know, like I said, but it wasn't. I didn't see it live. By that point,

like I said, people weren't watching. It's like what Jon Jones suffers from now. Jon Jones, the interest in him isn't as high as it could be because there isn't a suitable challenger. Yeah, nobody else has that

body style. I hope he moves to heavyweight and does something interesting. I want to see that, but it's not going to be anytime soon because they've already scheduled the next heavyweight bout, and it doesn't include him. I don't remember who it was. It may have been Ngannou and Stipe. I don't remember.

I don't know. I think Conor's got this, though. It'll be a fun fight to watch regardless. I agree with what you said on PKN. the rest of the card is kind of meh but you know sometimes sometimes we say that and then it they they really show off yes how how enjoyable a fight is is not directly tied into star power star power right sometimes there's a weak card just gives you amazing action yeah those guys all have there's something to be said about that because most of the people on that undercard are on the main card i should say other than connor have something to prove you know like

they know that people are probably like ah i can't pronounce that guy's name and i don't want to learn how and he's just like i will you will you will learn how and you will all know my name. Like he wants them to learn his ridiculous name. You will remember me. Tonight is my chance. And if you're good enough, we will. Like there's no reason for me to know how to say Nurmagomedov, but I do. Unfortunately.

I forget the Chinese woman's name. It might be Z or something like that. She's a champion. Oh, I liked her. Anyway, in one of her fights, maybe the night she became champion, she's like, my name is Ziwei. Remember me? And she doesn't speak English, but she knew that much.

And I was like, I like this. I like this. It resonated with me. I liked it a lot. And you remembered. It was just, it resonated with me. I liked it a lot. And you remembered. Yeah, it's 80% right. I already,

uh, Winley or whatever. Yeah. I hope that's not her name at all. Uh, like Christ, like her name's actually Rebecca stone. I wasn't even

remotely close. See, we need you to be Ming Lee because Americans don't want you to be Rebecca Jones. They want you to be Ming Lee. Zhang Wei Li. The Pao Chinese family. The Joan family. You're going to have to be Ming Lee, Miss Joan.

Zhang Wei Li Jones Zhang Wei Li that sounds right Dong is that Dong because I know that where you see Wang in Chinese that's actually Wong yeah and I guess Wong is also Wong

no that's Wong that's Wong I think you're both wrong oh man high class jokes high ass quality dude I don't know if this is interesting I went to the orthodontist today

do you guys want to see how much my teeth have moved of course we do alright cover for me where they were i'll be back in like 30 seconds i'm gonna get my i can we can show before and after so hold on okay all right let's be interesting we should both leave i'm done the audio listeners are like oh yeah great great show he's gonna come back so excited though like a kid like with his christmas present for show in town

fuck we could we could oh fuck damn it too late just struck while the arm was hot like it was that could have been idea oh and we got Danny Mullen typing. So before we get him in, I should do the reads. Okay. So I will... Or do you want to do the tooth thing first? Let's do it real quick. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of Danny. No, he won't make fun of you.

Oh, I'm sure he won't. I'm sure. So anyway, these are wet because I just brought the ones I wear now. These are the original ones. Can you see this? That's my snaggle tooth right there. You got to move it a little bit.

Oh, I see. Yeah, to your left. Oh, I'm showing the audience. Ah, of course you are. Yes. I can see the snaggle tooth at the audience, but here's for you. Ah, of course you are. Yes. Yeah, I can see that the snaggle tooth at the top, right? All right.

That's where I was in October. And this is where I am right now. It is like significantly more in line. Maybe I can show them at the same time. Apparently I'm retarded. Yeah. Yeah, it is Apparently I'm retarded. Yeah. Yeah, it is. I don't know.

This is a small thing maybe to everybody else. But to me, it's like, look at that progress. I've only been doing this since October. God, I feel like an asshole, but I don't see a difference. You don't see a difference? Really? The bottom one is the old one, right? Oh, fuck.

You guys are fucking. No, it's The bottom one is the old one, right? Oh, fuck. You guys are fucking with me. No, it's really not. I think you have to hold it more straight on for us because it's at an angle we can't see very well. Alright, I will do it. First of all, I'll say I'm sure... I can see the top one then. The top one is the original, right?

Yes. Okay, alright. I see it Alright, I thought it was more like clear. I think maybe in person it is. Yeah, I'm sure in person it is Okay, but also it's only since October. How much longer is your regimen? So 15 months is the whole thing but uh Nice, you know, at least you know, it's working. Can you tell with your tongue, like these are inside of your mouth feel different now? Yeah.

Well, it changes all the time. Like, so every week I get a new, they call it a tray, these braces. Yeah. And,

um, you guys know that if you're, if your mouth changes even a little bit, like a half a millimeter, one tooth, like cracked, it's a tiny bit sharper. It's like your whole world changes every week. I have like a half a millimeter one tooth like cracked it's a tiny bit sharper it's like

your whole world changes every week i have like a new contact patch on how my teeth fit together every week you know like and i can tell what they're moving this week it's like oh they're straight up bullying the snaggle tooth this week that's what we're working on like all right now i see we're like doing one of these deals to make room for it and uh uh yeah so can i tell us where yeah absolutely i can i can see how much it's moved i can feel how much it's moved i don't get food stuck between my teeth in the back anymore because as the front crowded the rear spaced right that's that's how that works and uh now that doesn't happen anymore so that's pretty cool and uh but it sucked we have humans have terrible teeth that is true danny what's up my friend can

you hear us uh no mike danny wait no no maybe because he flashed green for a second i heard him for a second yeah i heard him go oh you cannot understand what you're seeing oh now there's two woodies well while i don't know if I should jump into an ad. Yeah. Oh, wait, wait. Oh, I think that was a thumbs up do an ad. That's how I interpret that. Okay, I'll do that then. Good call, good call. Thank you, Danny.

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that's a non-zero chance. It certainly is. All of our sponsors have very incestuous relationships. They've all got great breath and hard dicks and everything. Kyle, I was, apologies if we've done this one before but i was looking through the january ama questions i wanted to someone for you uh besides the car door which is the most obvious what was the closest kyle has come to death in an fps russia video um that vietnam era flamethrower I used one time was super scary.

It dripped on me a little bit, which wasn't a big fucking deal. But I was kind of afraid one of the pressure tanks was going to do something weird. Cause it just, it was literally from Vietnam. You know, it was like 45 years old,

50 years old or something like that. Probably not used much in the last half century. No, used way too much in the last half century. But by people much less safe than me, which is saying something. Yeah, I don't know. Oh. I had explosives under these 55 gallon barrels, you know, like sometimes we just get to the end of the day and it'd be like, we need another thing, you know, like,

like, like. Need a capstone on this video. Yeah. There's going to be three or four segments. And so I'd plan for six different things. If these things, if this fails, then we've got this thing. If that fails, we've got that thing. And on this particular day, I think like three things had just failed

and it was like, well, I've got those barrels and I'm never out of explosives. So maybe we put the explosives on the ground and then we tip the barrel upside down on top of the explosives, and then I'll just sort of know where to shoot the bottom of the barrel so that it pops the explosives on the inside. I don't really know what will happen, guys. Maybe the barrel will launch straight up in the air.

That would be kind of cool, right? And everybody's like, yeah, I guess. I guess it would be. A lot of thought. Yeah, and then it turned out that those barrels were like this composite material they weren't like they looked like metal but they were like this like fiber glassy like metal type shit i don't even understand the material frankly but what i do know is when you when i shot the first one just shattered and chunks of it flew everywhere. And it was like,

well, there's, there are either two or maybe even three more to shoot. And so I kind of had to make this decision within the span of half a second, whether I was going to go, Oh, let's not do any more of this guys. Let's brainstorm session.

Or I was just going to pull the trigger three more times and, and be done for the day with my work. And so I just pulled the trigger three more times and got done with my work for the day and it was wildly dangerous because there were chunks of this stuff like these really sharp frisbees that were just every fucking where just everywhere and any one of those could have actually killed me i the car door would have maimed me a little bit like stitches i think dude you would have been jellified i think somewhere in between depends where it hits you you'd have had stitches if you got hit in the shoulder but if it's you in the head probably

sure no if i hit you in the shoulder would have taken your arm off i don't know it was lightweight but moving fast and and like... Like a bullet. I think we did actually calculate the speed one time based on how many frames per second I was shooting. And it was something kind of stupid fast. Like, I don't remember what we came up with, but 400 to 600 feet per second comes to mind. Explosions do move quickly. Dude, if you have three defensive lines of NFL players and you fire that same blade of

steel at them, that is going to slice through like three rows and they're wearing pads. You would have turned around and then you would have fallen apart like someone who went through wires. Missed me! Missed me! And then your head just falls off. Go ship. Can you hear us, Danny? Danny, mic check? Missed me! Missed me! And then your head just falls off. Go ship.

Danny, mic check? What could cause that? Does he have a very high discourse level? Yeah. Hey, that works. I don't know what's going on, guys. I've tried to troubleshoot this so many times with different computers, different

microphone configurations. I'm cursed as far as the PKA podcast goes with this mic. We can hear you now. Does it sound awful? Yeah, it's just the default audio. I'm sorry, guys. You're okay. So it's not hooking up to the mic you're currently trying to use, I guess? Yeah, dude. I stepped on my Scarlett once and then this computer has got a broken speaker. So I've been trying to troubleshoot it in many ways as I can and it just doesn't work out. I'm so sorry to kill the momentum of the show.

No, you're fine. You're fine, dude. Or I guess I'm what he said. He can tell. Because it always sounds different to Kyle and I. Yeah. I can tell it's not super high quality audio. I can tell it's not laptop quality. Really what it is, I'll take Danny at 3 out of 10.

Whereas I might kick a different guest off the show. That's what's up. I gotta focus. I appreciate that, Woody. What is new in the Danny Mullen world? Danny, can you tip your camera up? I'm getting your eyebrows. Oh, so much better. Thanks.

I'm sorry, man. I'll, so much better. Thanks. Okay. I'm sorry, man. I'll back up too. Yeah. No more porn. We might be bringing those back though in 2021. The year is young. I got a sort of related to porn.

I discovered I got a cold sore yesterday. Ah, fun. Yeah. So I think my girlfriend's going to think I'm cheating on her. But yeah, I got oral herpes. I got HSV-1. She might have cheated on you. Is that herpes medication or is that a load stack?

No, this is herpes medication. This is, yeah, this is valacyclovir, one gram tablets. Take two tablets by mouth twice daily for one day at the first symptom or sign. Take two tablets daily mouth twice daily for one day at the first symptom or sign. Take two tablets daily for one day.

Yeah. Well, like they're like you take four of these in a day. They're like big fucking like one. They're one grams each. Yeah, that'll knock it right out. You can get these online. I used. What's the website?

You should keep them in stock. Then Silk Road. I do keep them in stock then. Silk Road. I do keep them in stock. I know that. Well, I can see that you do. Why were you able to retrieve those so quickly? Because they're right here with all my other pills. There's a lot of pills on this desk.

Covered in sores. There's a weeping mess walking around. There's a lot of. There's a weeping mess walking around there's a lot of there's a you need to phone that guy you had double vagina sex with and let him know to get tested damn i don't have any pills oh no i have some blue chew right there i got a lot of on the show but yeah i think i used uh if you want to like get it so because they're going to keep coming back you you had this for life now but if you go to, this isn't an ad or anything, but I think it's Get Roman.

I used them. And you literally just say like, yes, I have cold sores. Yes, I get them frequently. Yes, I would like extra pills for future outbreaks. And it was like, it was cheap. Like for like enough to treat three outbreaks, it was like $30 or something like that. I don't know. They mailed in like – they were here in two days.

Okay. Expedient. What do you got, oral or genital? Oral. But if you go down on someone while you've got even the slightest hint of this, they will get genital herpes for like a full cycle. Okay. So it's not permanent is what you're saying it's permanent on my mouth it i've had it since i was a kid like the girl isn't gonna have hsb2

for life it didn't seem to be but uh it i can't i can't speak to that a hundred percent because she had one genital herpes outbreak like right after i went down on her with the with, and it wasn't like I was going down there with like a bleeding sore in my mouth. Like it was gone. Like there was just the, like, it was, it was like, oh yeah, I can see where it used to be a month and a half ago. There's like a little bit of pink right there, but like it was gone. And, uh, and yeah, she had genital herpes outbreak. She was like sitting on frozen peas. Like she had like blisters inside and outside of her vagina. It was awful. So what happens when she's in that state and you fuck her?

Like how are you? I didn't fuck her. What are you talking about? I supplied more frozen peas. I felt terrible. All right. Bussy. I felt terrible.

All right. Let's see. I had a girlfriend actually use me giving her herpes as an excuse to break up with me. Bitch! It's pretty similar to what you're saying. It was my first girlfriend, and I did that thing where I was just way too clingy. She was the only thing I had going for me in my life. So I was texting her around the clock. What are we going to hang out? What are we going to do? Just a needy little bitch. And the way she broke it off

instead of, I don't know, doing the dignified thing, sending a text, saying it to my face. And she told me that she had herpes and she'd contracted it for me, which I didn't know. I thought she was lying the whole time, but now Kyle's telling me that I very well gave it to her from my oral herpes and put it on her pussy. Because I have had these since I was like five years old. I think I actually did have a breakout around that time. I guess everything she said was justified. Yeah, they really suck.

I get an outbreak about twice a year, but now I've got these pills. So like at the first sign of like any tingling or like burning or pain, I, I start popping pills and it never really gets bad anymore. But as a kid, like, I didn't know, I didn't have any pills. I just had that stupid cream you would Rob. I remember when I was 18, I had one when I was, I was working like this crappy job at a video rental place. And the appeal of the job for me was I got all the movies I wanted for free and all the video games I wanted for free. So I could just, you know, I'd go home every night with like eight or ten movies. Well, it was so bad.

I remember this old man that I was checking out at the cash register was like, looks like somebody popped you in the mouth. And I'm like, no, it's a cold sore. It it's a cold sore why do you have to point it out why do you point out i know it looks awful it's i hate them i hate them they look so bad and they hurt and and like they used to get really bad for me they'd be all scabby and bloody and gross and like i get out of the shower and the hot water would like make the scab all soft and like gooey and then like it would re-harden in some sort of like contorted fucked up way and now it's got like sharp edges that'll like get caught on a coat sleeve and it'll tear

off and it's yeah start bleeding everywhere if you get really lucky though it ends up right here and you got a kick-ass little soul patch. You look like Billy Bob. I actually, my second girlfriend, these were both girlfriends I had when I was in college. I met her when I had a raging oral herpes outbreak, but it was my soul patch oral herpes. And she just thought I had facial hair and guys complimented me. They were like, you look like a rock star with your facial hair like that. I was like, rock on, brother. Just went along. Nobody was any the wiser. Mine doesn't work that way.

Mine just looks awful. You're unfortunate in your HSV-1. Yes. Yes, I am. What's been going on, Woody? Sorry to interrupt. No, those pills take care of it what do you just he seems left out while we're up here bonding over herpes you and i bonded we can fix that

one time i was at a paintball event and i was super thirsty and kyle shared his Gatorade with me. And, um, he had an outbreak at the time. And I, I took a sip from this fucking bottle of Gatorade and then like lived like two weeks of, am I clear? Am I not? Lowe's on solid. He's like,

enjoy your fucking herpes. And, uh, clear am i not low's on solid he's like enjoy your fucking herpes and uh but i have never had it so i think i dodged a bullet there that's good i would honestly but that'd be a great way for us to bond right you know like yeah i gave woody herpes like we just tell people that without like any uh any more information how'd you guys meet? You've been working together for a fucking decade now, right? It turns out oral to general is transmissible. Well, I gave Woody herpes about a decade ago. And ever since, we've just been really close, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Kyle, do you feel like you're more resistant to genital herpes because you have it upstairs? I always tell myself that and I think it's become like a mind over matter thing. It's a vaccine. That's not how viruses work. No, no, it is. It is, Kyle. I'm pretty

sure, right? You get a little dose of a similar virus and your body builds these antibodies and then next time it encounters that virus, it knows what to do. Kyle's a science denier really on this. Yeah. No, I don't think that I have any resistance to general herpes.

And I would be very upset if someone gave me general herpes in any way knowingly, because you kind of have to. Because like it's only transmittable during an outbreak. And you know, if you've got sores on your vagina so like if i if you're giving me this this is all on you this isn't like when i had syphilis that time for two years and just didn't know there isn't a very mild outbreak of genital herpes like like no because there's going to be a sore on your like genital area what if she thinks like oh a vagina pimple like that's not normal they're different they're different like this thing it gets scabby and like weepy like rapidly and it and it hurts and it like like the way it progresses is like like sometimes when i get it on i always get an exact same spot, like bottom left of my – That's your brain? Yeah, like bottom left of my bottom lip.

Exact same spot, yeah. And I know. I know when that happens that this isn't a pimple. This isn't an ingrown hair coming in. This is where the herpes comes from. That's where it lives. I've heard it's tingly according to the commercials. Tingly, yeah.

Oh, it's tingly. It's numb right now. There's a little numb feeling down there. Are you treating it at all, Danny? Absolutely not. I'm letting nature do its thing. Just like... It's a bad strategy.

You should go to the pharmacist. No, no, I'm harnessing the power of herpes because I honestly do believe, Kyle, and as I've said on here, I'm the guy who's having unprotected, double penetrative sex with women. I've taken down numerous whores in Las Vegas for under $150 each and nothing. No genital warts, no genital herpes.

I think the herpes gods favor me and they don't want me buying a Breva or going to Roman.com and interfering with their virus. Jesus fucking Christ. Don't bother with a Breva, by the way. It and interfering with their virus. Jesus fucking Christ. Don't bother with Abreva, by the way. It just doesn't do anything. Never would. Have you ever bought Abreva thinking it would work? I have a tube of it in my bathroom right now. You've had it for years, I bet.

I used it the other day when I had an outbreak. I was telling Danny I've got pills for it now. And, uh, and cause he's got an, he's got a herpes outbreak right now. And I was like, go to the website.

They'll send you pills. They'll be there by Monday. And it'll like forever more. Like as soon as you can, it'll never get past the tingly phase. Like it'll just be gone. Yeah. It was a Breva.

And the worst one is bliss texts. All they do is make it so that someone across the room can see your shiny sore. Yeah. It makes it worse. Would you like a clear coat for that disgusting sore on your face? We have it in glitter as well. I mean, it's already come with true coat. Taylor told a story once.

I guess he was young and had a cold sore but not much knowledge on how to deal with it. So he put hydrogen peroxide on it. Oh, this is my younger brother and my mom. Like this was many years ago, but I guess, yeah, like seven years ago, my brother was in college and he had a bad cold sore. Because you just get those sometimes and he had one and she was my mom told him you want to put hydrogen peroxide on it every day and so like and all the time and hydrogen peroxide dries the shit out of things and so he was doing this and like it would not go away it was getting worse and worse like and like just expanding and disgusting he's like it's

cracking it hurts like every morning it's like weepy. And then he went to a dermatologist at one point. He's like, it's just not going away. And she's like, what have you been doing to it? It's like, I've been putting hydrogen peroxide on it like five, six times a day. And she's like, oh no. Oh, that's the exact opposite of what you should be doing.

Yeah, you see what you've done is you've dried it out and created more areas for those germs to get in and create whatever. And so he took whatever Valtrex shit Kyle's talking about, went away in like probably 18 hours. When Taylor told the story the first time, the dermatologist looked at it and goes, whoa. Oh, okay. All right. How did this happen? When you shock your doctor you've done a thing

that's true you eat how many deli meats a week I was joking obviously have a little fun that's the sign of a bad doctor if you ask me a good doctor should see anything

and just be like alright let's see what you've got going on here so what we're going to have to do is like no matter how bad it is whenever i burned my hand that time when like like i lit the acetylene balloon full of well the balloon full of acetylene and it roasted all the skin off the back of this hand like whenever i unwrapped the bandage off of it and showed the doctor in uh in royston georgia home of ty cobb he was just it was this black guy and he was maybe 58 60 somewhere in there like he was an older black gentleman and he just went oh lord oh lord wrap that back up son i can't do nothing for you and i was just like what are you i'm just like is it this what you do he's like so he looks at my dad now you're

going to want to take him to the burn center down in augusta they have the special techniques and and personnel they put some new white boy skin right on they have all the skin bank yeah i literally drove from there to the burn center in Augusta and they took care of it. Sounds like he gave you good advice, but I do agree the bedside manner wasn't so great. I had in college, I had strep throat. So I had strep throat a lot growing up all the time. But it was my mother who would take me to the doctor. She was always making that decision.

So when I'm a freshman in college and I'm making these decisions on my own, I don't know what the heck I'm doing. And I get strep throat. I know I do. I know it. I've had it a hundred times and I could self-diagnose at this point, but I don't make the call to go to the doctor and get it fixed. And I let it go. I let it go. Eventually Jackie takes me to urgent care because I'm having a hard time breathing. My uvula is like the big shooter marbles that you hit the other ones with. And it's a problem.

Every time I swallow, I swallow it painfully and then it comes back like, like, and breathing is an issue because it's so, it's so large. It's so big when i breathe it's like close the door open the door close the door open the door this is uvula blocking my airway

so we go to urgent care and the doctor said i was almost proud because he goes, this is the most classic case I've seen in my whole career. And, uh, Uvula swallow up. Yeah. So anyway, penicillin and hours later I was halfway better. Yeah. Yeah. Penicillin is a wonderful thing.

I wish I had had some on hand and I could just inject myself whenever I got it, the sniffles or anything. I, whenever, uh, I don't think that works. Yeah. Yeah. I could just inject myself whenever I got the sniffles or anything. Whenever – Does that work? I don't think that works. Yeah. It's not safe. Yeah, any sort of infection. As long as it's not viral.

Anything bacterial. Yeah, I think Danny's right. Is it cold viral though? I think it – Danny, what are you saying? Let me listen to you. Well, I used to have MRSA. When I did jujitsu, I would pick up this really nasty shit off the mat. I'm not going to try to work out what the MRSA acronym stands for. I don't know. But it was bad. It was essentially antibiotic resistant bacteria.

into the cyst or the boil of the MRSA because eventually you would do that to no avail and the thing would swell up, engulf your entire arm, and they would have to amputate. That was a real fear they had. Thankfully, the MRSA went away. Kyle, I don't think treating antibiotics like you treat herpes medication is a good long-term strategy. I think it's a good long-term strategy for me, just not for the populace at large that's different i didn't understand that yeah i don't care about you yeah this is about so this is about i will create a cow will raise the chances of a super bug being created so long as it uh shortens how long he has his sniffles absolutely i mean i'll take all of the pills mostly and but but you know i i'd like the hard stuff whenever i get sick i don't i don't want to have to suffer through things remember wings mercer when they

when they he had that oh my god severe case i think oh wings had this mercer danny on his belly and he it's it looked it looked like a pimple but like 10 times bigger than a pimple like it looked like almost like a spider bite or a snake bite like it was this big angry swollen red nodule and he ended up having he filmed it and uploaded it's on the fucking internet right now he went and had them like drain it i think is is that they basically cut a hole in it They just took a scalpel and stabbed it. And then they lanced it. That's it. Thank you. And they drained it of like all the fucking pus.

It smelled so bad that the second nurse walks over and opens the door to the outside. So over his shoulder, you can see like trees and grass because what's coming out of his belly smells so bad that the nurses were like getting a little sick and lightheaded because what is it like rotting decomposing flesh in there it's like pus yeah it's what i remember about it that was interesting to me my opinion on this is morphed over time. Wings had anxiety, right? So he wasn't comfortable having this procedure done. And he's in there by himself with a bunch of... I'm getting echoes. Danny, did you change something?

No, no. I was just pulling up a picture of Kevin Randleman's staph infection, the MMA fight. I didn't change anything. In any case, this is going to fuck with me. Now we're getting feedback. We can hear Woody. Okay, let me, I'm not touching any Kevin Randleman staph. Is it better? Mic check, mic check.

Yeah, that is better. Yes, leave Kevin alone. I'm fucking with Mr. Randleman. In any case, he asked the nurse to hold his hand to make him feel better during the procedure. And like my mind has gone from like that's just not like masculine behavior to that's actually really good nursing you know like that right like like i i've taken i've thought about this from different angles like dude he shouldn't feel bad about that at all if that's what it took for him

to get in there and get it done it's better than like dying like this shit will kill you damn it i can't i can't not like feel pity or something i don't know what this emotion i'm feeling right now is this what pity is am i having empathy for somebody right now this is a first mark it down this is like that scene in the grinch where his heart like like like like dun dun dun dun dun like breaks that little golden frame like like three sizes that day yeah i think my heart screwed three sizes i don't remember that that's very bad for you to have a big heart he asked he asked the nurse a stranger to hold his hand yeah yeah because he was having trouble with the stress of the situation oh that really is sweet like i yeah

that's a good nurse that's a really good nurse because i mean i understand hating the doctor and hating to go to those things like i've never had to have something an intense infection on my belly lanced i can imagine that sucks i remember even at mizzou going to like the the health center to get like std tested and medicine like if i had one or something like the first time i went there being like all embarrassed like oh what a shameful thing and then you get in there and it's like obviously like full of your classmates and you're like oh okay you guys fucked her too huh but you were all there last night yeah um it's just a good thing to do you don't want to procrastinate those it's really stressful like when i was getting that stupid eye operation like like i didn't there was nothing i wanted less than to go in there and have them operate on my goddamn eye.

Except cancer. Except cancer. That was the only thing I wanted less than them to operate on my eye. I just like talking to the Uber driver on the way there and explaining to her why I was going. She was just like, oh, no. Oh, no. I'm like, yeah, they're going to cut a pizza slice out of my eyelid. And then they're going to sew my eyelid back together.

But there won't be enough slack, maybe. So they've got to, like, cut the corner of my eye like this to get enough slack. And then they got to sew all that up. So you're going to have stitches in your eyelid? Yeah. And this is happening now it's where you're driving me it's right now she's like i wouldn't go i was like i don't have a choice i don't have a choice you're taking me cancer it's eyelid cancer i have cancer i have to go she's like oh i'm like so if you're the one that picks me back up later and you know a couple hours i'm gonna be fucked up because they're giving me some drugs today

and i knew you would never do it for one like a one-off joke but i was hoping after you like broke the cancer thing that you would show back up to the show totally bald and like i don't know in my head that was such a funny visual and you've got like bandana around it like you're trying to hide it you just look sallow dude if you just wore the bandana it would have been a decent bit just wearing the band if you had brought this up to me i'd have gotten the bald cap and the bandana and and gotten like super pale for it like like gotten like that pale makeup put on and but but over time like like just every week paler and paler like yeah like cough i i'd like already have a tissue ready but cough and then be like oh and like try to hide the blood

val kilmer style like then after a while there's an iv bag sitting on a stand right here next to me i'm getting chemo on the show you have an orderly come in check on you every so often kyle what's in an iv bag it's just fluids it's just fluids i'm feeling a little down this week i think i got uh the sniffles it's just you know i've just been tired recently nap on the show yeah dying in front of us oh I feel so differently about the doctor than you guys do like it like I don't want to be here I absolutely want to be there like when I go to the doctor it's like I have a problem this thing is problem this thing is sore this thing is broken like this thing's not healing on its own i have a problem and i am in the presence of a problem solver there's no place i'd rather be like that's

that's always where my head is when i'm you know laying out my prognosis to the doctor i mean i had a i was happy to be there like i was happy that i was happy that being there was an option. I went as soon as possible. When we went the first time and they just cut a slice of it off, that really hurt. I always say this, but I think I'm pretty good with pain. I didn't flinch, but as they were doing it, my toes were curling. Why couldn't they give you a painkiller they just wouldn't they just wouldn't what do you get they dude because because like the painkiller is going to have to be a shot into my eyelid yeah oh wait wait wait they did give me a shot into my

eyelid that's what hurt now i'm remembering correctly now so they gave me a valium which is just it's supposed to relax you a little bit look you're dealing with someone who's who has relaxed themselves quite a lot in their life i don't even notice a fucking valium can i interrupt all right if you're a pot smoker you're supposed to tell your anesthesiologist that because you need more so well i hadn't pro tip out long well well i don't know how that would lie maybe i've like numbed the part of my body that gets numbed i actually got high uh 30 minutes ago i'm high right now you better dose me up so like but when they stuck that needle in my fucking eyelid my toes were curling i was i just went and they went little pinch here and i went

it's like you're stabbing an ice pick into my goddamn eyelid it hurts so fucking much you know what i hate this is something i hate surprise medicine do not fucking surprise me if it hurts tell me it hurts i want to prepare for this mentally if if they say a little pinch and they know goddamn well this is worse than a bee sting don't lie to me and sure as fuck don't do this don't surprise me with your needle right that doesn't yeah this doesn't really happen to me as an adult but like as a teenager or something oftentimes they like i don't know if they just stuck me when i wasn't looking or didn't tell i would like to be informed that's my happy spot i want to know when it's coming i want

it like just i do so much better informed i can be a little anxious and like lay it out for me don't get the surprise medicine bullshit is not good bedside manner not for me my thing at the doctor is to just railroad them at the end of the appointment saying that because i am an adult i deserve four suckers i wait if that's the distribution method danny's freshen yeah i was like danny hasn't blinked in a long time oh i didn't even notice he was first i thought he was listening attentively let's all sit like danny yeah very um so like but the worst part of that whole ordeal was you know they they took the little they cut the wart off the the actual cancer part off it was a pie wedge right like a well first they just cut the wart off like like it was just this little little little bump on my eyelid and then like

they were like you're all good we're gonna test it of course but that's not cancer like like i know cancer when i see it that's not cancer i'm like well fucking great because like you did a great job like like there's zero scarring like it looks You just, you shaved it off even with the eyelid. It's perfect. And then of course, a week later, my dad's over here and, and they call me and, and, uh, they're like, uh, Dr. Blah, blah, blah. I need you to come in. He wants to consult with you about the test. And I'm like, could he just tell me right now? Uh, just, just get him on the phone and get him to tell me right now. I was like, is he there? She's like, hang on a minute minute i'll see and and he comes on and he's like yeah i need you to come in i want to talk to you about this i was like just tell me just tell me right now he's like well it's cancer

i'm just like fuck don't worry though best kind you can have i don't know why they would have thought their plan a was a better plan like who would be like you know what yes suspense let's do a little suspense that'll be that's what i need from you no like that i don't i don't see how that's good ever yeah like if you're just trying to get another like copay out of me like like for showing up like i'll give you the hundred dollars but tell me right fucking now what it is and what we're going to do about it. And let's schedule the next appointment. And that's what we did. Like,

like we literally, he was, he was like, we're going to call you and like schedule these, schedule the surgery. Surgery will be like this. It's like, it's like 99.9% effective.

Like you've got the bitch of cancers, you know, it's basal cell carcinoma. And I was, all right, great. So then I walked back in the living room, my dad's there and I'm like,. I was like, all right, great. Then I walked back in the living room. My dad's there.

I'm like, that was my doctor. Got a little bit of cancer. Don't worry. It's a good kind. Yeah, he reacted really well to it. I don't know if I ever told my mom. I don't think my mom still knows. I don't think I ever told her because I didn't want her to worry.

She's not good with stressful shit. But my dad was just like, all right, sounds like it's going to be all right then. I was like, yeah, it's cancer light, they say. So it shouldn't be a problem. It's good. I do like that Cancer Survivor is on your resume now. Like of your list of things you've done. I wish you were bringing that up so much more.

You're a professional dancer and I'm a cancer survivor and I'll fear nothing to the contrary. I don't have anything like that so I'm going to pick something to lie about to guests that have never been on the show before. Some skill. Is it believable that I won a big karate tournament when I was like 12?

Yes. Everyone else should be 11. When I was 17, I won nationals. The glitch in the system, I was fighting 9-year-olds. All the other yellow belts were not on my level. I can't even imagine a less impressive life. I won the junior karate nationals last year, actually. I don't even win.

I almost placed. There was this 12-year-old, and he was big for his age. I'm going to tell you. Damn, he was top of the pack, you know, ish. Danny, I have a question for you. Conor McGregor or Dustin Poirier? Oh, fuck. I have to pretend i'm a good fighter again don't know i i've been tuned out of mma man i don't know you are our only guest who can be to

clydesdale i value your opinion i maintain that too what's poirier been up to how's he been doing he's been smashing everybody but khabib he has beaten beaten Gaethje. He has beaten Pettis. He has beaten Max Holloway. He has beaten another impressive guy, Eddie Alvarez. Psychologically, I think Conor's going to have the edge on him. I, as a former jiu-jitsu competitor,

think it's hard to beat somebody who KO'd you in 23 seconds or however long it was for him. So I'm going to go with Connor just based on psychological dominance. That's the guy I would bet on. And Connor, too, when he's had a long layoff, you feel like he's going to come in there and just do something wacky and it's going to work. Connor. Okay. I'm in the minority.

I had Dustin. So Kyle has Connor too. Yeah, we got a little bet. What are you guys betting? Just five bucks. It's kind of a trophy. I'm in on this. Oh.

Then I would have to be. Taylor, are you taking this action or should I take them both? You know what? You take them both. All right. I'll take you two. Five dollars. The winner pays via PayPal and we actually actually collect so there is no like lol no and you need to be paid

that are fighting i'll just jump in conor mcgregor and dustin poirier fighting saturday night i'll take whoever hasn't been picked you have dustin poirier against danny i was reading something over here. I wasn't paying attention. I'll take whoever hasn't been picked. There's two men fighting. This isn't like a NASCAR race. We're going to decide who wins. Isn't that an advanced ranking point

system we're going to do? No. It's complicated. My finances are a little shoddy right now. If I lose, you guys might not ever hear from me again. Never come on the show again because of a $5 bet. We'll invoice you. Yeah, we send you to collections. The Avalanche and

Blues have only played one game since we made our bet, right? And the Avalanche won. And I was thinking the best way to do that instead of doing $5 back and forth. Wait till they all add up. Wait till the season series. We would be in a wash, but foolishly. I won a couple more poker games with the patrons since last time we talked about it.

I think I've won four out of ten or something like that, which isn't a great winning percentage, but when you consider that they're sit-and-go tournaments and I'm getting seven times my money every time i win it's going just fine are you a poker guy at all danny no but i'll bet you blindly that the blues lose their next game yeah well you know with you is great because i know neither of us will pay up so yeah let's do's do... I swear, I'll do it. Because I've always talked shit about you. I just, I feel like I was maybe

bombing my first time on here. I just saw the Blues poster and latched onto it. So yeah, Blues lose their next game in horrendous fashion. Five dollars. Five dollars, tomorrow night.

I'll keep track of you on Twitter. Who are they playing, Taylor? Tomorrow they play... They play... A real fan would know this. Yeah, I know, right? You don't have tickets? Yeah, no, I don't have tickets.

Oh, no, I guess it's Saturday. It's Saturday against the Los Angeles Kings. How are they doing this year? They haven't won yet. The Kings or the Blues? The Kings have not won yet. The Blues are the Blues? The Kings have not won yet. The Blues are 2-1. They're due, Danny.

This is a lock. They're due to win. And this is easy. All of our sporting events take place on one day. We can keep track of it. I'm going to hunt you down on Twitter, dude, and the Blues go up in flames. If I lose, shoot me that email.

I'll fire you $5. $5? I'm going to shoot you an angry tweet. No, I mean, shoot me that email. I'll fire you $5. $5? I'm going to shoot you an angry tweet. No, you have to send me a fax. You have to send me an email. Taylor, is email less used in the business world yet? No. It's everything.

And there's something about opening up your professional email that's soul sucking. Like, it's just like, I don't like this. Like, this isn't a fun app. I have to work.

I should be able to play one of those tower defense games. But no, I don't know. There's something about it. There's no spam in there. Right. Isn't that, isn't that nice that there's no bullshit in your business email?

That is nice because, I mean, I can just filter stuff out. My business email was filled with spam. That's what happens if you work one place too long. It's like status updates on projects you left three years ago and shit like that. If you work one place too long, maybe it's specific to computer programming, like extra. But they always need your advice on something that you've left. And your trail just gets longer and longer and longer. Woody, there's this seven-year-old project.

You're the only one who knows anything about it. Can you help? We have this emergency. And it's like, fuck, now I have like two jobs. Yeah, or you get broken with stupid nonsense where it's like, why am I getting emails of this woman I don't even recognize next to her dogs in the woods? Oh, because that's a client's third party, whatever the fuck, operator. And, you know, they just blind copy everyone.

And it's like, I don't even know. Taylor, if you ever become a full-time entertainer, I want you to handle the process like this. Just work less and less and less and see what it takes to get fired. Just fade away. You start working like 40 minutes a week, but pretend that you're doing it hard.

Pretend that you're trying. Just keep up with emails. Attend to half your meetings. I would not have a job or any clients very quickly if something like that oh it's cisco you'd last for a i don't know i don't know i could go both directions on that i feel like i've seen people last a long time at cisco and then on the other hand i've seen people not last so there's a chance though there's a chance yeah i mean if

there's a chance though there's a chance yeah i mean if that would be funny just how long you can go with doing absolutely nothing oh yeah but that would become like not fun when in like three weeks in it's like yeah you haven't done anything that we needed you to get by these uh you went too hardcore you need to do a minimal thing right you need to like return calls uh whenever they ask when you'll have something done give them a date for a date like oh yeah that's a thing i can i can give you a date by friday yeah that is hilarious friday yeah just keep doing that all the time this is the most hilarious way to leave work. I really think you could do it. And it will earn you thousands extra than just leaving.

Yeah, it would. Slowly just begin to do nothing. It's like, yeah, you were supposed to handle a call on behalf of our company with the buyer at Kroger. And you know, it's really hard to get those 30 minutes for those appointments. And it's saying here that 14 minutes know, it's really hard to get those 30 minutes for those appointments. And it's saying here that 14 minutes in, you said you got to go? You know, this is a once-a-year appointment,

and apparently you were shirtless and serving. I don't even have Kroger near me. You were drunk. I'm not drunk in the morning. I'm still drunk from last night. You fucking I had a co-worker do this she'd leave work early saying that she had an appointment now you're all thinking doctor right it was always hair it was getting her hair cut Taylor that's these are the moves these are the moves. These are the moves. When I worked at that car rental place, I remember treating every time I had a dentist appointment. I would prime the pump at work with managers being like, ah, dentist appointment coming up next week.

You know how it is. I've always got a ton of issues. My appointments take forever. They take hours and hours. You know, 40-minute cleaning. cleaning not this guy not this mouth this head of teeth three hours i'm in there you know and so like i'm priming the pump and then it'd be like you know it's like you know i gotta leave it at noon on tuesday to go i'm finishing up writing the fucking contract for whoever all right i gotta ah you know i gotta leave it too it's 1 30 uh it's 110 but i haven't eaten yet

so and then like appointment goes from like 2 to 250 and i would text my boss at like 4 45 and be like that was a rough one and i would just like and then at that point he loved me and so i'd be like hey could you punch me out and so like he would do that he just he was my boss and he would just let me go on appointments sometimes like for doctors and stuff which was fine because he let that do him do that for everyone but he would like and he probably did this for everyone too but he'd just be like yeah i'll i'll punch you out get you the extra five hours of pay and it was like hell yeah motherfucker i did a similar thing but i was salaried right so there was no punch out concept but you know like if you have a 10 a.m appointment appointment, obviously you're expected to come back after lunch.

So it's like what is the earliest appointment where I'm not expected to come back, right? If I have a 1 p.m., probably not supposed to take the rest of the day off, right? But if I have a 2 p.m., and that goes until 3, I drive back at 3.30. You don't think I'm'm gonna work for an hour and a half right we're just calling it a day so like that's that's how i would schedule shit so there was uh so when i worked at this uh car rental place they had you had to like go pick people up and get them and like bring them back to your branch because one place i worked was like an insurance replacement not an airport and so like everyone who came in just had fucked up cars and

was mad at you and had a bad day and so you'd have to go and like pick these people up and that was like it started off shitty but by the end of my tenure there like that was the best job someone's gotta go pick someone up oh i can drive 30 miles under the speed limit get me like and so and there was one we were in the furthest, this is in Idaho, and there was like one branch way the fuck, it was literally an hour and 20 minutes away, driving regular speed to pick someone up and bring them back. And that was the golden ticket.

If you got to miss like two hours and 40 minutes, except eventually he stopped sending me on those because I would leave to do it. I would get lunch i would like take my sweet ass time is the person suffering while he's waiting for you to show no they have nothing else to do they can't do anything until they get the car and so yeah i was making them wait like an extra probably 25 minutes just just goofing around trying to kill time this was towards the end like where i was so jaded and I just hated this so much.

And it was like sometimes I would take three, three and a half hours on that round trip. Except somehow, somehow always made it back early enough that if it was an option, I could leave early. But that guy never let me leave early. He wasn't as nice as the other manager. Oh, man. I'm so glad I had that shitty ass job. It makes me so thankful for everything now and people deal with so much worse jobs than that working at a rental car place getting called a fucking idiot low iq retard

all the time you can't take a reservation let me do the sign let me do a bad sign to be a twitch streamer yeah it's way better to be a twitch streamer no one calls you a dumb low iq idiot on twitch yeah but those are on my terms kind of but yeah oh god that job fucking sucked when i worked in restaurants that was the perpetual fantasy that my writing career my comedy career was gonna blow up and i was still gonna be employed when that happened. And I was going to, I don't know, figure out I was now successful over a text or something. So I could just mid shift, walk upstairs to some bitch eating a Garganelli pasta, capsize it on her table, slap her and walk out and not care about the consequences. And I actually, it never happened that gloriously. My last job though, before I became a professional YouTuber, I put in my two weeks and that was boring.

But I did get revenge on two old restaurant jobs. I made videos out of them. One is called like Smoke This Bong and the other one is called, it's very on the nose. I showed up drunk at my old job. It's very on the nose. I showed up drunk at my old job. And the first one was in Vegas. And I went back to my old restaurants at the Wynn Hotel. The bartender, oh, Danny, come in. Yeah, the guy was kind of a square, but him and I were friendly. I drink like 10 gin and tonics while my friend is covertly filming me drink these i am sideways shit face drunk and after i've polished off my tent and i pay my bill i just nudged my buddy it was incidentally the guy i double vaginaled that chick with he's whenever there's a vegas story whether it be fucking or raiding an old job it's him double v action yeah double v action we just after i tap him on the we walk right to one of the most luxurious booths in the restaurant during high dinner service i go up to this asian girl while

he's filming and just say hey all the cooks here they constantly tamper with people's food and i just went back there and one of the sous chefs he put his finger up his asshole and it's in your salad right now he did this turned on my email and walked out and left and she this girl was she was really cunty she like found me on instagram and wrote me a message yeah she is a bit of a bitch in this story yeah it's just this girl sucks but she ran right over to the bar and i'm just charming this i was the nicest guy on the planet for my entire 10 gin and tonic session with this guy she goes right over and tells this guy what i did he's polishing a glass and his jaw just drops he cannot i've just transformed on him and just ruined a lady's meal and i just walk out the door with the footage

and uh according to her i was i was I just walk out the door with the footage. And according to her, I was forever banned from the win. That's what she said over Instagram. But it's not true because I've been banned. Yeah, you can always go back. It's a restaurant. It's a lot of turnover. So did you leave any bad reviews about ass salads or anything? Or just you left it?

Did you leave any bad reviews about ass salads or anything or just you left? I whenever I leave a bad review, it's face to face to a dining. That's good review. You're not hiding behind Yelp. I'm not a coward. I don't tell people that somebody has fecal matter in their food. We did it again at my job at UCLA. I worked out as a caterer. And while I was yelling at the restaurant manager about how he was the one, I just, I'm not very creative when it comes to terrorism.

It's just always a finger up the ass that goes in the on. And I was yelling that at this other manager at UCLA, the second job I did this at and some wannabe pop star kid filmed it and put it on Tik TOK and it went viral. So that was all in place. And Tom Segura actually reviewed the clip on his podcast. Just this out of context clip of me shouting at a manager. I saw you stick your greasy finger up your asshole, grubbing at all the guests. You really don't. You found a home run with the finger in the guests. You really don't.

You found a home run with the finger in the ass. I could be spit, but honestly, you play the hot hand, Taylor, you play the hot hand because honestly, like, yeah,

that is better than spit. Someone's assy finger wiped on your burger or something. I had a friend who requested that waitresses spit on his food. What a fucking weirdo. That guy should be in jail. It was kind of funny, though. Can you spit in my food? Jose is spitting it.

What was that, Danny? There's one restaurant in San Francisco that I worked at that I haven't gone back and terrorized. And I think I need to change it to like I saw a busboy put two fingers down his throat and just vomit into your endive salad. It's got to be vomit next. It's going to be vomit. That one's a little harder to pull off because you're like, well, I can see there's not vomit in my Caesar salad.

No, he wiped it off. It's true. It's poop flakes are microscopic essentially. It's got to be a pumpkin soup actually the guy that requested the spit in the food you guys know him a little he's the guy that's the clown oh my god of course it's him

that guy absolutely is a serial killer that guy is so fucking weird Woody has a friend who for fun Woody has to defend him because he's afraid of him no you're gonna notice during during my explanation this guy woody will keep defending him woody is afraid woody will bring up a photo of him that he thinks is somehow helpful yeah yeah woody find find the best photo of him you can the one that makes him look

the least and fucking sane. Hey, do the one where he's in the woods looking like he has that post-murder glow. He literally dresses as a fucking clown and drives around in a van. And Woody won't slam him out of fear? Yes. He's a friend of mine. I like this guy. We went off-roading and he was nice to me

yeah like that kid at school who you know is coming to school one day with a 12 gauge your friends and you wouldn't report him because you don't want him to single you out you just keep mom about it and you're going to get that phone call one day don't show up to he's on the left in this picture he's on the left in this picture okay you can't put him next to an even worse clown did i cheat i didn't know honestly yeah like very little of what he's wearing is silly right what's interesting is that's real facial hair right so he walks around with that all day long at his day job it's actually this the guy who complained about the Joker movie because it made clowns look bad?

That does sound right. What was I going to say? Oh, that clown thing now is a successful side business for him. He earns money that helps pay the bills. What does he do? People hire him to frighten children? They have to pay him to leave.

How much money is he making, Woody? Can you put only job. What does he do? People hire him to frighten children? They have to pay him to leave. They have to pay him. How much money is he making, Woody? Can you put a figure on this? It would be really hard to guess. Welcome to ClownRansom.com His primary job is he's a self employed guy who installs floors. So this is worth his time to do on top of that.

He likes to be able to cover the floor. He's the one who puts the tile down. He's the one who knows what's actually under the floor. This is all the rules. There's children's bodies. I get it. Nobody dresses like that with the sincere thought of, I'm going to bring joy to children.

No. Yeah, no, I like what you're saying, Taylor. He's like a more sophisticated John Wayne Gacy. He's John Wayne Gacy who hasn't been caught yet. Yeah. Because he's so good at piling floors. And also, is he a clown for fucking children? Is Punk his name?

Punk is the name of this character that he plays. And he works at Halloween events. And I don't know like I don't think he's meant to be not scary the classic children's metal duster tattoo on the fist

that's a brass knuckles is that what a metal duster is I think it's called a brass duster I don't know maybe I'm wrong but yeah it is so he's he's out of makeup when you've been around him is that correct yes what do you have you been around him in person while he is in makeup i don't think so i think i've seen the he has an ambulance that he's redone as some sort of like zombie vehicle i think oh i'm aware that he has that he has a van he drives around like this is literally

a fucking creep yeah this guy is so like foolish like like absolutely he is a frightening individual that you would there's no taylor you i don't know if you've got nieces or nephews it's irrelevant pretend you do would you let your 12 and 14 year old nephews hang out with this guy for the evening? absolutely not he's going to take them away in his van and he's going to take them out with some ice creams

and some mini golf do you say yeah creepy fucking weird clown friend of Woody take my nephews and bring them back in one piece if you can he's gonna go kill a kid inside like the castle obstacle at a mini golf course and then they'll wonder why the ball's not coming through the other end and they find a decapitated in there this guy's not married is he he? He is married. He has kids. Fuck.

Do they dress up? I don't think so. What was that, Danny? What kind of porn does this guy jerk off to? That's the intelligence we really need. I don't think you would admit what he actually jerks off to. Because what he actually jerks off to, I'm sure, is illegal. Yeah, it's torture porn. yeah it's it's literally snuff if you catch this

segment buddy hit me up with the answers inquiring minds want to know does his wife dress up as anything not that I know of he has other like partners in his partners employees you know there's other people accomplices accomplices i like that tied to the wedding or to the bedpost ever since the wedding night but i don't think his wife is in the thing what a fucking ghoul yeah this guy you can't do showing up like that in front of kids i get if you're gonna if you're gonna be a halloween man and go be in a halloween spooky house that he's dressed up perfectly for that fair enough so i don't want to share that one because that's one of his kids oh yeah i thought that was like a kid at a party he's at don't make me feel anything for this person okay next you're gonna

tell me he holds nurses fucking hands when he's getting his fucking creepy eyes put in or some shit. This guy deserves no mercy. This is such a creepy motherfucker. Oh, I hate it. Put that in black and white, that's like a first 48 still. Yeah. This girl is actually the child of the couple in the back.

Before they realized the photo being taken, little Samantha was taken all the way to Arkansas. Where she was disemboweled then raped where she was murdered sillily I'm pulling your intestine out of my fucking

yeah god I hate this guy I hate looking at him so much I don't like clowns you know why yeah clowns clowns are awful because i feel like the only people who become clowns are doing it almost as a way to be like yeah i'm gonna be a clown i know everybody hates clowns even children but i'm gonna do it it's like no you're just be a be a magician at least'm going to do it. It's like, no, you're... Just be a magician. At least be able to do tricks. This guy probably can't

do any tricks. Oh, look, you can see his van in this one. What an absolute murderer. Is it made to look like an ambulance? Is it made to look like an ambulance? It is an ambulance. And then it's made to look like

a zombie response vehicle. I guess it's an ambulance though. That is kind of cool. Thank you. That part's a little neat. See, but that's on theme. That's supposed to be spooky. That goes with his theme of going and spooking people. He's holding two zombie

babies or something in his hands. Taylor, what do you think the odds are that all of these photos were taken at Halloween? Absolutely no chance. Zero. Zero. This is May. This is May. There's no fucking... He's always dressing up

like this because he likes looking like this. Maybe he feels tough and hardcore because he certainly doesn't feel funny. I would fully support a hate crime against someone like this uh in minecraft right kyle yeah yeah yeah the way last week in a video game in a video game yeah i mean if this thing were in a video game you'd shoot it immediately right like like there's there's no way you think oh maybe that's the guy who i'm

gonna protect in this mission and like guide to the fucking end of the end of the land no you're like monster bang bang bang bang bang maybe the guy where you're like he looks so spooky that i bet if i talk to him i might get an item. Nope, he attacked me. Alright, I gotta kill him. It's biting me. It's biting me. He looks like a biter too. That's like the one video game joke I'll ever get because of Resident Evil 4. The guy with the cloak

who sells you machine guns and shit. Look, he's got contacts in for this one. This is him at Christmas, Taylor. This is him at Christmas. I never noticed the mismatched contact lenses before. Yeah. You know, anything for a sense of disjointedness and spookiness. But really, it's the disjointed, ah, things are off kilter, off balance.

You know, I'm in a wacky funhouse mirror kind of guy. I got different dog tags. I hate this all. All the dog tags. Well well how am i supposed to know what your name is you got three different dog tags on and they're actual dog tags do you think he does a decent job woody when he's tiling floors or is his mind always drifting off elsewhere onto subjects like chocolate before he puts starts laying the tile down the cock is just a michelangelo masterpiece of stabbing and murdering children i bet he does a decent job he took over the business from his father he's been doing it

forever oh i bet he is good at it but uh he's so good at it he has time to spend doing this clearly i'm gonna have to hang up the nose the tiling is really taking off no this guy i think it was it was either from the joker film or it was a while back when those people were just dressing up as clowns and i think it was there was a like clown hatred movement just because a few kids got scared no it was because people were dressing up as clowns and being fucking creeps in neighborhoods and shit and to this day there's some of my favorite youtube videos it's black people driving around and then some asshole like this guy dressed as a clown at night in the wrong fucking neighborhood

is trying to do that creepy walk shit where you just like stare at somebody and you walk all weird toward them with like a fake weapon and these black dudes are not fucking having it they're like stop the car let's get this motherfucker and then all of a sudden the clown's like wait no it's a prank bro and they're like we don't play that shit and they just beat the fucking shit out of this guy in the clown costume i searched that the clown at night prank and it's called scary clown prank on black people that's the name of it it's got 271 000 views so clearly i've seen so many white dudes get the shit beaten out of them by black guys for dressing as a clown and i cheer the whole time like yeah like sometimes they're screaming and begging and they'll run but at first i'll try to like there's this moment like it's

like when you're trying to fend off a cougar or some a bear or something and for a moment just going oh like scares the animal because like holy shit what are you but then they like get a good look at you and they're like yeah you're fucked buddy like that's exactly what happens with these black people they're like oh shit what is that oh he's coming at me he's looking all weird and then they're like but there's six of us wait a fucking minute i don't care if that is a real cleaver he has this dude's going down and then they just beat the shit out of him sometimes they hit him with a car oh i look one time they hit the guy with a car and it was just like yeah good good kill that fucker in a video game

i just hate fucking and i'm not afraid of clowns i'm really not i just think this is weird like if he were dressed up and painted like a goblin or a ghoul and he were like doing it all the fucking time in march april may christmas in this one clearly i would think also weird motherfucker someone here of the season. Dude, if my dad dressed like that, I would have been one of those emancipated minors. I'd have been like, Dad, you can't be doing this to me.

You know how bad I'm getting bullied at school because you dress like John Wayne Casey every time. That's the litmus test right there. How would you feel if your dad did this? I would hate it. I can't imagine anything that as a child would make me have a worse relationship with my father than if he dressed up as a terrifying clown and drove around a repurposed come on you'd have your own clown costume you'd be father and son clowners and we absolutely wouldn't look it's the clown boys. You could do your own weird facial hair

and just shave the middle out like a reverse racing stripe. It's like a stupid movie where it's like the father trying to convince his son to go into the family business of clowning. It's not like it used to be. It's like The Sopranos, but for clowning. Lately, I've been thinking I came in at theately, I've been thinking I came in at the end. Lately, I've been thinking I came in at the end. My grandfather got a couple of capuchins, organ grinder monkeys standing in Times Square.

Those were the good days, making money. Hand over fist, he'd tell me. My father, similar. He painted himself gold, stock naked in the middle of Times Square. Me, I'm scaring kids for pennies. Yeah, but you're not charging people. The business, no one's paying. Is the Lord of the Rings 4K version out?

I'm just seeing this now for the first time. Yeah, I think it is. I'm waiting until I can get stoned to watch it in Colorado. Wow, I gotta watch the 4K all the way through. I haven't seen it. I feel like I'm not... So this is a visual and I'm showing it to audience, but I feel like they're missing it. Right. Because it's a little box and a little box. They're probably watching on a phone. But that 4K version looks outstanding.

And you can see how good the practical effects are, like the practical effects of actually putting gross teeth in that actor's mouth painting him up getting the wig on like it's just it's perfect it's so much better than all the cgi nonsense yeah uh peter jackson went back and he like color corrected everything um the same because it was a bit disjointed and uh through the first three films probably no one would notice it unless you're like watching them back to back maybe and you have an eye for that but he went back and he like color corrected them all the same um some people have an issue with it because they're seeing like little boxes like this that don't look great sometimes like there's a one scene in particular i think it's where arwen is wearing her armor and she's about to ride into uh um um is it it's not as gillieth is it yeah i think it is anyway um not arwen uh aowen

oh yeah and uh but but yeah i'm super psyched to get it i'm hoping that you can get 4k extended version because i only watched the extended version yeah well you got to get the you know the extended version there's some good bits but also some frustrating bits when they killed saruman by just throwing him off the top of the tower of orthank instead of going into the scourge of the shire i get why they had to do it because the scourge of the shire would have been a really weird addendum to the movie because after that big calamitous okay and the relief to have another lesser kind of roller coaster hump wouldn't have worked that frankly that was poor storytelling by tolkien like he should have had like he was clearly so obsessed with the world

he was writing about he didn't want it to end and he just seemed like it seemed like maybe mary and pippin could have been the ones to go back to the shire while frodo was still like completing the quest with the ring and then they could have handled that because they weren't really integral to like the final battle. Mary and Pippin. It should have happened concurrently. Cause like, yeah.

Having Pippin. Am I dumb? I thought they convinced the trees to break the dam that won the final battle. Well, that's two towers. It was the two towers. That was the battle of us or not.

Helms deep. Yeah. That was the Helms deep one. Yeah. Like, like Mary and Pippin are like, I get them mixed up, but one of them was riding with

Eowyn into the battle. I guess he is the one who sort of like delayed the Witch King for a moment so she could get the killing blow on him. And then the other one is with Gandalf when he's fighting off the trolls at the gate. And Gandalf has that whole speech about, oh, this is not the end.

Everything rolls over white and clear shores. Yeah, whatever the fuck he says. As far as the eye can see. Whatever the fuck he's saying. And there's big big cocked men. And enormous penises. Coming all over your face.

There's a jack frothing a jack of it. I don't want to have come all over my face oh you will you'll love it I'm going to come all over your face myself when we get in the afterlife there will be so much cum it'll be over your little head

I'm going to rape you and you can't stop me because I'm a wizard and you're a hobbit no we got 10 more minutes okay this is a threatening Gandalf Pippin terrified behind it and also yeah the trees never helped in the battle of Helm's Deep they helped

at the battle of Orthanc. They had the worst effects in movies telling history. Well, they were also in the forest as the Uruk-hai were retreating from Helm's Deep and they smushed them in the forest. But I think that was just the trees. That wasn't necessarily Ents. It was the trees

of Fangorn Forest, which they never... Even in the book, I always was reading that like what the fuck are they taught every tree's magic not only some of the trees are magic because in the book he never really like he he talked about like the end drafts and stuff and that's the next generation too where like pippin i think is drinking it mary's like you've grown taller he's like no i haven't and And they start drinking the 4'8". 4'8".

I looked it up to get the answer I was looking for. On December 1st last year in time for Christmas, they released the 4K versions. That's what I keep trying to find out. So it's available now. I'll give it a watch through. It's $135.

Helm's Deep would be cool to see with the 4K practical makeup effects. You could wait until we go to Colorado and we could do a whole Lord of the Rings. I've talked about this before. We do the Lord of the Rings feast with the salted pork. Dude, I am so down to hold off on this.

If we actually do get stoned to shit and eat a bunch of salted pork. There will be salted pork, turkey legs. I don't know how I can wait another nine years to watch this again. I'm sure there's a limbus bread recipe somewhere. I'll make some limbus bread. In the extended edition of the Two Towers,

they have a drinking contest. Maybe that's the beginning of the Return of the King, but it's an idea. We'll smoke some old Toby. Yeah, we'll smoke some old Toby. Some long bottom leaf. And then we can... What do they drink in Lord of the Rings?

They drank... It was a prop beer. It was a beer that was like 2% alcohol. But they're just slamming fucking ale or mead or some shit after they take Helm's Deep. It's Gimli and Legolas go head to head. We can get some mead. I'll drink some mead. I think I've had mead before. It's Gimli and Legolas go head to head. We can get some mead.

I think I've had mead before. It's like honey beer, I think. Yeah, whatever. Whatever old-timey booze it is. Brandy or something. Well, that's more of a harder alcohol. But yeah. You could do a whole Lord of the Rings feast. Maybe some of that

awful soup that Eowyn made for Aragorn. No, we're not going to have good things at our feast. You know what? This awful soup's actually pretty fucking good. It only had chunks of fish in it. It looks so bad. Yeah, like fish scales.

I love when he goes to pour it out and just scalds himself. What was the point of that scene? What was the point of that scene? She's not hot, so the screenwriter had to give her what other he could whatever else he could to make her likable you think he would have at least given her the ability to cook a halfway decent soup but instead aragorn's got to reject her for being way uglier than arwen and for being a piss poor fucking kitchen attendant

too like why did he have to spit up the soup? It's not much, but it's hot. You got that right. Fuck. He dumps it. My hands all blistered up. That's why I fell off the cliff. Well, I just held the bowl under Gimli's ass. And brought it

over to you. Some people think dwarves don't shit. Well, they're wrong. It comes out like fish soup. And scalding out. I think she's attractive, but she's just not as attractive as Arwen. Yeah.

Definitely true. And Arwen was an elf. And so longevity there. The one that was the... She's like a blonde female swordsman of some sort yeah eowyn she is the one that wants to fuck aragorn but aragorn doesn't want to fuck her because aragorn wants to fuck steven tyler's daughter who's an elf back in rivendell yeah he probably he probably already fucked her a couple times they're both like absolutely was piping that bitch down yeah she's got that gap in her teeth, which I find very unattractive,

like right in the middle there. That's how you can tell she's... Wait, which one? Eowyn does. I feel like when you kiss her, if you blew, you could make that same whistling noise that Gandalf uses to call Shadowfax. Yeah. The whistle is like...

And it like echoes through the valleys and hills and like a magical horse comes running. The Lord of all horses. Shadow Fox. Show us the meaning of haste, Shadow Fox. Dude, you couldn't have summoned a dragon or something?

An eagle? She sucks off like the bastard son of Gondor at the end of the film, right? The guy who is completely rejected by the steward? That's the guy she ends up fucking. I think the blonde is better looking. Yeah, I think I do.

No, I'm alone. Maybe they look different in non-pictures of their characters, but as a character in the movie, Arwen's better looking. For sure. I mean, Woody has proved questionable judgment this episode based on the clown associate he has. You're definitely wrong, though, when it comes to these chicks.

Yeah, Arwen's got a better ass, too. Arwen was so much shorter. That means that she couldn't possibly be a good fighter. No way she killed the Witch King. No way at all. She can't even reach that guy's face possibly be a good fighter. No way she killed the Witch King. No way at all. She can't even reach that guy's face. Yeah. Bullshit.

If she stabbed him in the dick, maybe I believe that. I think he's just more of a ghost. He probably lost his penis. Or no, maybe they... I mean, he still has hands. He has ghost hands, so he'd still have a ghost penis. I don't know.

He's got a ghost face. Maybe he's got a ghost head. Yeah, but there's no one for him to fuck because all the Nazgul are men. He's got a ghost face. Maybe he's got a ghost head. Yeah, but there's no one for him to fuck because all the Nazgul are men. You can get some ghost pussy. Even all those ghosts at the end of the Battle of Minas Tirith, they were all men. Yeah, I didn't see a single

ghost bitch in there. Just because they're men doesn't mean there's no one to fuck. Get creative. Yeah. Olden days or future? I don't know. Is it Star Wars rules where it's futuristic stuff in the past or is it lord of the rings rules past stuff in the future star wars in the past yeah long long ago

in a galaxy far far away now that you say it it seems clear sure sure yeah i like your picture here woody this is a good uh comparison i will say it's not cherry picked there are better pictures it's not cherry picked um you've got a good comparison here i still for arwen um because she doesn't have that huge gap in her teeth and i've always said i only find live tyler attractive when she has the pointy ears also you know what i likedowyn in the movies more because Arwen is just not a very good actor. Liv Tyler's not a great actress. There were scenes with Liv Tyler and Viggo Mortensen or whatever where it's like I could feel Viggo being like,

give me something. Give me something here. And it's like the back and forth of the faces and he's like really acting his heart out. And she's like, but you cannot go destroy the ring. It's like the back and forth of the faces. And he's really acting his heart out. And she's like, but you cannot go destroy the ring. It's quite troublesome. I just imagine him giving her a pep talk before. Like, look, you're immortal.

I'm not a mortal man. But choosing me means choosing a lesser life. This is a big deal. Big deal. All right? All right? You're really disappointing your father. Okay?

I know you can work with that one all right just think back you're really disappointing your father okay just imagine imagine steven tyler okay your dad he's the head of the elves all right and you're disobeying him and you're gonna fuck like a pop star. All right? That's what this is. Okay? Now, channel that for me. Okay. Action. I cannot let you leave to destroy the ring. I'm not getting it.

I'm not getting it. But Eowyn, I must go. He's just pouring his heart out. You know what her best scene in the whole fucking trilogy is? It's when she's riding the horse and all of the uh the nazgul are chasing her in that branch like kits her face and cuts her a little bit and she actually has a little moment of badassery that's her best scene by far it is her best i i look at her if she died i look at her through the same lens as hillary swank

like i can't tell if she's pretty or ugly a little bit oh now that's not fair she's definitely prettier than hillary swank and like they had that whole thing there's yeah i know the episode of the office thing but like live tyler has her father's mouth which is oversized and weird and wrong fuck yeah okay nice i'd love to fuck ste Tyler's mouth Steven Tyler has a very fuckable mouth I bet it's very warm in there and sticky it's like a facial deformity it's a facial deformity

Steven Tyler's mouth is always sticky he's a big candy eater because he's probably sober now from being a rock star all his life he's just laffy taffy all day long to deal with the Joneses another low tier candy terrible candy Rockstar all his life. He's just Laffy Taffy all day long to deal with the Joneses. Another low-tier candy on our candy tier. Terrible candy. I'd give you a stomachache.

Disagree. What's your top-tier candy? Your S-tier, champion-tier candy? It's probably Haribo gummy bears are the holy grail for me. But if those aren't available, I don't know what that posture you're doing right now, Kyle, means. He was aghast. He's aghast. That's me doing the thing from The Dictator

that James Franco does. Like that move? Like complete disbelief at what you've just said? And then this might be like saying I like The Beatles or The Rolling Stones, but Skittles and starburst man both of those give me stomach aches and i hate them i like i like the pink starburst and the yellow starburst the red starbursts are worse than not

having any starburst disagree but i knew this kid who had a sociological theory based on starburst that poor kids on the whole would prefer orange and yellow starburst because the rich kids at school that can afford starburst those are the colors they would dish out to the poor kid who's a complete piece of candy all right here take this orange and fuck off the orange was a bad one i mean the most valuable was always the pink lemonade one the pink lemonade was the best i think it was called was the pink lemonade one. The pink lemonade was the best. I think it was called... Was it pink lemonade? I always thought people were kind of bitches if they discriminated between Starbursts.

Like, you eat all the Starbursts. You take what you get, and you don't pitch a fit. And, you know... What is a pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps Starburst? I am. Take the hand that's dealt you. You eat those three reds in a row. I know it's not fair.

I really would. Yeah. Whatever came my way, no complaints Fucking now and laters and shit What kind of candy bar though, Danny? Twix maybe I think Twix is an underrated one Twix is solid Twix was in our top five Where do you stand on the ever-raging debate?

Mini Reese's Cups Versus normal- Mini Reese's Cups versus normal-sized Reese's Cups? I can answer this. Neither, because when I was about 12 years old, I opened a Reese's Cup, and it had live meal worms crawling around inside of it. Done. Can't do it anymore. You didn't need it?

I did, but I just don't want to do it again. I feel like this makes you some sort of racist, racist, right? Like now you are prejudging all other racists based on that one bad experience you had with the cup, right? Look, there's bad apples. You're being racist on this. There's one bad apple in every candy, I'm sure. And you judging the rest without meeting them. Yeah. bad apple in every candy, I'm sure, and you judging the rest without meeting them. There could maybe be a book

written on the implications of candy. I mean, poor kids with an orange starburst, racism based on mealworms and Reese's. We're covering some ground here. Write a whole book on Reese's-ism. Firmly veiled. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the... Oh man man there's some good material there we're gonna have a lot of fun with this if we're talking about candy here folks alright candy actually you're a racist too I was saying all rices are good

because they all have that key combination peanut butter and chocolate. Except for the white chocolate. Well, the white chocolate ones are pretty good too. I like the white chocolate Reese's. You know, as a kid, I really liked white chocolate. Have you ever had a Zero bar?

Oh, dude, that's just not a very good candy at all. I liked that as a kid. It's like a white chocolate Milky Way kind of. It's like that consistency of candy bar. it's like a white chocolate milky way it kind of it's it's like that consistency of candy bar it's like nougat and caramel probably but it's white chocolate on the outside i like the zero bar i like white chocolate it's like it's sweeter but too much it's not even chocolate well yeah i don't know what it is but i don't know exactly it's some sort of confectionery i don't know it's sugar and I don't know exactly. It's some sort of confectionary. I don't know. It's sugar and like

something else. It tastes great. I think white chocolate should be kept away from dark chocolate. One could even say segregated. Different section of the aisle, you think. What do you think the superior

or the master chocolate would be? You're really ruining the vagary of it, Kyle. It's intentional. What would you say the master Reese is? It's like, all right, once again, Icarus, too close to the sun. Yeah. Damn, I really, I kind of want some candy i don't get cravings for sweets

but we've been talking about candy for a solid fucking hour tonight right candy so much before you came on danny that like now i'm just i really want a reese's fast break yeah man i might jump over to my gas station after this too because i don't i only drink four times a year now and i have cravings to have a beer to go smoke a joint or to do something so that just manifests in skittle and starburst eating so why did you switch to you said you only drink four times a year what made you switch to that i did nothing bad i didn't like punch my girlfriend in the face or total a car but i just get bad hangovers it's just for productivity reasons it doesn't really work with me and then also the

kind of videos i film it's so easy to have a drink when you have to go into a carl's junior call shithead to his face or whatever the the bit is that day so it can become a bad habit like i'm not gonna write material i'm not going to write material. I'm not going to plan my shoots. I'm just going to crush a quarter bottle of Jack Daniels and see what happens. It's like, it's a very easy way to get content and it's not a healthy or artistically fulfilling way to get content. So the best move for me was just to stop. Yeah. That's probably for the best. Like we've, we've definitely seen people online who do things like oh like i'm a live streamer who goes and does stuff like you except they do it live

and yeah they're you know they're always streaming and they're all and they drink on stream so it ends up always drinking and ends up being you know rough for them in the long run so that's and it's better for the humor for you anyway because like you'll when you're sober you know you're more attuned like you're gonna be quicker off the draw with jokes or because like you'll when you're sober you know you're more tuned like you're gonna be quicker off the draw with jokes or like if you see an opportunity for a funny scenario with someone that would have could have been in your peripheral if you were drunk and you wouldn't have seen the opportunity so also i feel like it opens more doors right like like if your long-term goal includes television or writing credits or something like that drunk impromptu stuff is not the path

there yeah or even just being a better podcaster it's i mean you you can always have an audience by just being a drunk guy who doesn't give a fuck and going out in public but then you take this part was when i took the booze away and I hadn't been working on my performance skills on my writing skills. And now I have to go out sober and somehow make something happen for a 20 minute YouTube video. But finally I've gotten to the point now where I feel more comfortable as a sober performer.

And I have like, I've been able to outsource my air some other stuff to give myself more time to write and plan shoots so i'm in a good groove now without alcohol good yeah you're in a a flow state getting a lot done what's uh oh my god oh crackle candy bars it's the crackle full size i've never seen it before and they're actually out of stock but you can click that and you'll get motivated notified when they're available um i that's the first time i've ever seen like crackles are so fucking good they're always in the hershey's minis yeah remember remember where you'd be like dude there's bullshit all these

good year bars are taking up all the space that could be crackles i like this is a 27 candy bar what the fuck am i looking at um i think that's for a lot 18 of them uh it must be for this box if you picture number three it makes a little more sense yeah it's 18 of them that's how i buy my chocolate the most savings per ounce i don't want to lose money this is a six pound bag i'll have chocolate for days. Yeah, I've never seen a full size Crackle Bar, but that's really that's really good. What else? There was at least a couple bullshit candies in the Hershey's mix.

Oh, I didn't I like the Mr. You mentioned Mr. Goodbar like it was the worst one. It's the second best one for me because I love peanuts so much. I panicked and I only had that one to reach to i think what's actually the worst one the hershey's dark and the milk chocolate yeah just i like the dark chocolate of hershey's better than the milk chocolate yeah it's third best boring yeah milk chocolate's just boring it's the worst of them all and then and then dark chocolate's better than that and mr goodbar is better than

that and crackle was always my favorite yeah Yeah, they don't sell Darkseid never better than that. Close, apparently, though. Maybe the best candy that I can recall from childhood, I'd say it's actually a tie. It's Fruit Gushers and Fruit by the Foot Fruit Roll-Ups. That's hard to beat.

I had a lot more fun playing with Fruit by the Foot than I did tasting it. So taste, I give the edge to gushers. Why did that sound so sexual playing with fruit by the foot that I did tasting it? Yeah. Well,

I wrapped it around my dick like a cock ring and then me and my kindergarten playmates had a ball. Don't make it sexual. I remember, I remember they made one fruit by the foot that like usually it was three feet long but this one it was like double the length and it was except it was the same thing but you pulled it and you could split it in half down a pre-scored line and just hold a six foot thinner one and it was you know it was it was pretty cool for a second is it even better cock

ring chocolate covered cookie dough two pound bag you know what this is movie theater candy It was pretty cool for a second. Is it even better cock ring? Chocolate-covered cookie dough, two-pound bag. You know what? This is movie theater candy, and it's not very good. Every time I had it, which was maybe twice ever at the movie theater, it was hard. The cookie dough was dusty and old. It was just shitty. Maybe I got a couple bad bags, but yeah, I'd never purchase these again.

Bad taste in my mouth from these cookie dough bullshit balls. Fair enough. It looks pretty intriguing to me. No, we're going to keep talking about how bad they are. The best candy marketing job perhaps ever, forgive me if I spoke about this earlier, but the entire premise of Warheads where like hey this is really shitty candy you're gonna hate every second of this but like buy these try it and i guess it was one of the biggest maybe the biggest candy of the 90s i went to wikipedia at warheads recently yeah we talked

about like at grade school like having challenges where it's like oh you know ted's about to put five lemons in his mouth. It was either lemon or blue raspberry. That was well known to be the most intense. Yeah, the flavors, lemon and blue raspberry being the most sour, I think. Yeah. I want to do a whiskey eventually. I want to market a whiskey and I want to give it a funny name. And the premise is just going to be like, this stuff sucks, but it'll be funny if you drink it. Intentionally make a bad product. Yeah. It's like, that's what Warheads were. to be like, this stuff sucks, but it'll be funny if you drink it. Intentionally make a bad product. Yeah, but that's a warhead's war. These are awful.

I challenge you to put this in your mouth. Give me money and put this in your mouth and you can brag to your friends about how miserable the experience was. What's that peppermint liquor? What's that shit? Not peppermint, but it's... Rumpelmints. I didn't mean peppermint.

It's like hot. It's like a fireball. Yeah, I actually like fireball because it tastes like the fireball candies. Which are also underrated. Those are pretty fucking good, fireballs. They're not my cup of tea. I think they're terrible.

I want one occasionally, like one a year. One a year. You're not going to eat a bag of them. You think they're terrible. I want one occasionally. Like one a year. One a year. You're not going to eat a bag of them. You can have mine. You get two a year. I'll tell you what you could eat a bag of. And this combines like three of our favorite things. These Albanese milk chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzel candies.

Wait. Do that again slowly. Albanese milk chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzel candies. Yeah, these are solid. Milk chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzel candies yeah these are solid covered peanut butter filled pretzel candies that does sound like a winner these are those pretzel pockets filled with peanut butter and covered in chocolate when there's like six different descriptor words in a candy you know it's gonna be good milk chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels. Look at the pictures. I just did.

They look so fucking good. Three pounds for only $32. Do you think these are high calorie? Nah, it's probably protein. You're getting a lot of protein with that peanut butter. This is muscle food. Peanut butter is a health food. It's how I've lost weight.

It's a pure peanut butter diet. And Nutella. People underestimate just how nutritious've lost weight. It's a pure peanut butter diet. And Nutella. People underestimate just how nutritious Nutella is. It's not candy masquerading as something else. No. Nutella is like protein powder. Nutella is so bad for you. Nutella also is infinitely worse than just peanut butter.

Peanut butter. I got to disagree with you there. They're both very good, but Nutella is like chocolate peanut butter. It's sickly sweet. It's too much sweetness. We're talking about candy here, and you've got a problem with sweetness? Sometimes you can go overboard with the sweetness. Lots of people know this.

Lots of smart people. Guess you're not one of them. Talk about this. It can be too sweet. I disagree. You're a fucking retard. How do you like that? This is why you have dentures.

This is why I have composite fake teeth gotta get I thought you were trying to trust teeth in that oh you were yeah yeah yeah hit me with the teeth thing I gotta take it serious all right enough candy I am getting hungry now um I want candy so bad. No more candy talk. Now, what's your favorite? Ice cream. That's where we're going. No, let's not do that.

Let's do salty snacks. I do want to do salty snacks. How do you feel about Pringles? You know what? In the realm of chips, nothing special. It's carried by the flavors. Like an original Pringle, I have no desire to have that. You throw a little sour cream and onion on there. Now I'm interested, but it's it's carried by the flavors like an original pringle i have no desire to have that you throw a little sour cream and onion on there now i'm interested but it's still original nothing on the oh well that's you know you like boring they're all good but i feel like it's not

the pringle it's the it's the dust that they put on it it's so salty and lovely and wonderful i put it salt side down on my tongue every time i eat them the same way like salt side down on your tongue and then mush it against the top of my mouth and then chew it up you're adorable you please rookie I put it on one side and then flip it and then I finish it you're like I just lick them and put them back in the can

for some unsuspected fuck to come along and eat the soggiest, blandest can of Pringles they've ever had. These don't taste like sour cream and onion at all. They're so soft. They smell like bad breath.

This tastes like Kyle's breath. Have you tried Kyle's breath Pringles? It's not very popular. God, we are hemorrhaging money on the Kyle's foggy shit, man. First of all, this tongue's not very popular. God, we are hemorrhaging money on the Kyle's Poggy shit, man. First of all, his tongue's not wet enough to get them all soggy.

If Kyle weren't working for free to make these for us, then we'd just be really losing our asses on this. We'd have to get some Vietnamese kids looking faster. And I like Lay's original. Like the Lay's original. I'm with you there because it's just a classic because they're so oily another yeah you can taste the burst of oil which is so good for you oil health and uh lubrication yeah that's about lubrication yeah i think if your heart doesn't

get lubed enough i'm gonna stop pumping entirely my my heart is lube but you know another flavor in the last year or so i don't even i think it's only been out that long uh the lays uh dill pickle flavor they're okay it's very good you like it so much i i'm not loving it if i'm eating barbecue like it's a nice accompaniment to like some like brunswick stew or something like that but um and the the other one uh is uh the um doritos i i don't think you like doritos nearly as much as i do i fucking love doritos they might be my favorite chip there's so much of that flavor i'm my mouth's water ranch or nacho man fritos are very good i'm sorry i cut you off fritos are top-notch can't fritos yeah do i have the name wrong you know

what i said doritos i know i said fritos yeah the little chips the corn chips they're outstanding curlies oh very very good and the thing about fritos i like you know how much volume a gluttonous version of yourself would want in potato chips you take that knowledge transfer it to fritos oh no no that is too many fritos you need one third of that in fritos because those barbecue fill you yeah all i think there's one like chili cheese barbecue or something like that like there's chili cheese that is a lot of descriptors there's chili cheese barbecue something like like that like there's chili cheese that is a lot of there's chili cheese barbecue something like that and i remember my younger brother when we're on road trips and we stopped to get snacks he would always get those and it would stink up the entire

back of the van his breath after eating those just rancid oh it's chili cheese funyuns are another terrible one there was this kid i worked at – I volunteered at this in high school in this school for autistic kids, like pretty severely autistic. And there was this one autistic kid who was probably like at the time maybe like eight or nine. And every day at snack time, he would have multiple bags of Funyuns. And I've never seen someone. and I've never seen someone. And I think the reason they gave him like two bags of Funyuns is to make sure that one bags worth went in his mouth because he was smashing them on the side of his face.

And you would walk by that kid later in the day and you'd be like, even if my eyes were closed, I would know I was walking near the Funyun kid because the smell of Funyuns lingers forever. It's very potent. I liked Funyuns asers for F on you. It's very potent. I liked Funyuns as a kid. I can still remember second grade fucking heading over to that snack machine

and putting my 75 cents in for a bag of Funyuns. I fucking loved them. I don't eat onions around people. I used to never have them at lunch at work. I didn't want to come back and smell either onions or garlic. Yeah. The onions and garlic are just so good.

I mean, they're outstanding. It's not like I don't like them. If I have to be social afterwards, I would say no. Who's got the best bread at a restaurant? Can you guys maybe back me up on this while we're talking sociology and snack foods? When I was in school, and I think this is true, I don't think there's a stronger predictor of teenage pregnancy than enjoying

hot Cheetos. The white trash. This is going in the book. Wow. Maybe you're right. Maybe there's a causal relationship. I don't know how to say it.ic people like hot cheetos right basically that's what i was trying to say that's and this

is all thinly veiled racism anyway right i i was right there with you from the start i was picturing the kind of person that eats hot cheetos and And I was like, yeah, they don't like rubbers. I like how you said thinly veiled. It's like, yeah, this is pretty esoteric. Nobody's putting the pieces together. Yeah. As far as chips, crunchers, the jalapeno flavor cruncher chip, or maybe that's more of a local, but it's like kettle cooked. So it's a little better than Cape Cod, I think.

They have more seasoning flavor than Cape Cod. Here's an obscure one. Bugles. How do you feel about bugles? As soon as I can no longer fit them on my fingers because I grew up, I lost interest. You know what I like to do with bugles? You take them...

Take them off your ass. I thought I was alone. Got him! It burns. It burns. Take them and use the hollow part as a scoop to scoop some sort of dip. Right? Get some

pimento cheese or something. Salsa. Salsa maybe. Sour cream and onion. A little something like that in there. I like Bugles, but they never seem to win the snack aisle sweepstakes. I never put them in the cart.

Yeah, some sort of exotic Dorito would win that for me at the moment. And I like to dip it in salsa. You never said Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? Neither. Neither. What other flavors do they have? I don't eat Doritos. I think they're gross.

Oh, my. They have many, many flavors. So there's spicy nacho, which is really good. Then they have chili lime, something or another. Let me see. It comes in the purple bag. I'm just going to Google

purple bag Doritos. You know what? I bet Frito-Lay has that SEO all bought up. They'll come up. They do. It's spicy sweet chili. Those are my favorite. Those are fucking excellent. Maybe I'll give them another go.

Dip those in salsa. You dip that in salsa? Yeah. Just a flavor explosion. A fiesta in your mouth. Yes. Yes. It is a flavor explosion in your mouth. An absolute fiesta. I i want chips more than i want well i don't know if you count them as chips but obviously cheez-its would be in my s tier my top

tier cheez-its and goldfish belong there and i would say that extra toasty cheez-its they get to be in the top tier uh white cheddar cheez-its spicy cheez-its those all go lower tiers they deviate too far from the perfect formula. I want to take Cheez-Its and crush them into a powder, like maybe run them through a food processor, and then batter fried chicken with it and fry it. Take the fried chicken, dip it in buttermilk, then roll it in the Cheez-It powder and then fry it.

Oh, Cheez-It fried chicken? Oh! Oh, yeah. This is a good idea. I'm not even tempted by that. Oh. Yeah, I know. It does sound kind of weird. I would absolutely try that.

I never have. I'd probably enjoy a different kind of chicken and then just have a big pile of Cheez-Its be the side oh it looks amazing i'm sure i mean it's hard to make fried chicken not look tremendous three pound sliced chicken or chicken tenders one and a half cups cheese it's no not chicken breast or chicken tenders we're doing this to legs we're doing it to wings the tasty meats you got to get those too hot though and for too long if you use tenders you We're doing this to legs. We're doing it to wings, the tasty meats. You got to get those too hot though. And for too long, if you use tenders, you can,

you know, don't you tell me how to chicken bake my yeah. What's I'm stuck on this, right? Like I feel like I've figured out a sustainable way to have, you know, fewer calories and not be hungry all the time and eat healthy. And it's been working for me for a couple months now. Cool. I don't even know how to go on a long drive without this shit. This is normal. Cape Cod potato chips and Monster Energy

drink are how I don't fall asleep. What if you did... Have you ever tried kale chips? Don't even... No, don't do it. It's awful. No, I haven't tried them. You take kale and you brush it with like. You make these. You can.

I mean, you can buy them, but it's infinitely cheaper to make them because it's just kale. And then you like put some shit on them, like salt and maybe some olive oil and you bake them. My girlfriend made some. She sprayed them down. This is like a year ago. Did you tell her how horrible they were and that you weren't going to die she knew because like she was like i tried to make these kale chips and she's like i tried one they were you know they're there's something and i like had you know one and because it is made of kale there is no matter to this at all and so like it just almost disappears

like a magician's trick really i think i almost tasted olive oil. Like that raccoon washing the cotton candy. Exactly. And you can have a revolving door of trays of kale chips. And you could eat them for 10 hours and not feel sick. That's the problem with a lot of the low-calorie snacks. Like there are some food substitutes that are good food and it's not a big sacrifice but when they're like hey you know you can have a rice cake like oh don't fuck with me no i'm actually hungry that that that's not that's barely even food like this doesn't solve

any problems you know how many rice cakes you would have to eat to actually feel full probably like them all of them that whole sleeve i remember when i was this was this was like uh what five years ago uh or six years ago when i was fatter even now than i am now and wasn't lifting so it was worse fat uh i i was dieting with i i would just make i remember i started so ambitiously i'd made like eight grilled chicken breasts like for the first week you know how you start diets and it's like i'm going all the way all the way and like it was just flavorless chicken with like baked potato and like steamed broccoli. And I swear, like four days in, I was so depressed. I was just like, I'm just feeling like sad.

And I had to do that thing where it's like, I'm going to get I'm going to get a treat for myself. I'm going to treat myself. OK, Google, what can I treat myself? Oh, rice cake, rice cake. Good idea. I go to the store and I get those. And I remember like I was sitting watching a blues game at the time, like drinking my water.

And I was like, I need a snack. And I went and I ate, I think it was a pack of 12 and I ate all 12 of them. And I was like, well, this was 360 calories. And I enjoyed none of it.

And like, and I ate it. Like I could have had a beer and a bag of potato chips for that. I could have had three beers or in a bag of potato chips. What if you put a tablespoon of like PB two on a rice cake? Maybe that doesn't suck. See, that would make it better for sure.

Way better. But then what you're doing is really me, at least being very liberal with what a tablespoon of peanut butter is. How much? If i balance it it's like you can you can make that stuff as thin as you want so you can take a tablespoon of it put it in the mixing bowl and then put way too much water and you just get this peanut butter flavored like oh i didn't spray i've only used it once i'm new to to PB2. If people don't know what PB2 is, you can get it on Amazon. I don't know if there's a cheaper place.

Yeah, it's peanut powder. And the issue with peanut butter is it's made with oil. They're taking oil and mixing it with fucking peanuts and making peanut butter. And the oil is like crazy caloric. But the PB Fit or the PB2

is like really low. It's, it's 80% as good as peanut butter, but it's like 40% as many calories. I actually really liked that description. Yeah. I would say you nailed it with that. It's all of these lower calorie foods are not quite as good. They miss the mark a little bit, but if you can settle for an 8 out of 10, you know, that's the road to Abville.

Yeah, and it's so flavor packed that if you take a tablespoon and put it in a protein shake, the whole thing tastes like peanut butter now. So you really can make it spread it out over a big volume. Peanut butter flavor seems to dominate

anything. Banana does too. I'd like to see them fight. Well, peanut butter with banana is a good combo. Yeah, take half a banana, a scoop of PB2, and throw it in your existing protein shake. That sounds good, but we're just getting pretty caloric, honestly. Banana is my pre-workout. Protein shake, yeah.

You can tell how we're all struggling with our diets because we've spent two hours talking about it. This show has made me struggle. This show is fucking with my head. But outside of this show, I've been pretty happy. I'm not suffering. I did my job. I talked about rubbing shit and vomiting people's food. But it was still about food.

It didn't turn me off. I was in. I wanted that salad. I worked in a restaurant. I actually did it, too. So it didn't turn me off i was in i wanted that salad i actually did it too so it wasn't all nonsense i was yelling at people while i was drunk i one time put a shitty middle finger in some taco now did you do that because you were angry with them or was it a random act of violence yeah it wasn't a terrorism nightclubgine Fight Club move, if that's what you're talking about. You're a bio-terrorist.

Exactly. Technically. It was... It's actually a pretty sad story because it was a long shift. Because she got E. coli and died. But I lived in San Francisco, and I would work in the Marina District,

which is all the shitty iBankers and tech douchebags. This chick came in and she looked like totally one of those. It was a long shift and I was pissed and I probably couldn't that much. She asked for the menu and I just detect one singular note of cuntiness in her request. Just menu please. Jesus. Something like that like maybe even more friendly so i just you know what this bitch is gonna get it i tell myself i go make a big point to all the chefs i'm gonna deliver that pork bao taco to table 25 i get it i all shy stilly go out onto

the floor hug the wall and take it into a liquor cabinet or a liquor storage room. I go right in there, drop my pants, put my middle finger as deep up my ass as it'll go. How far did you get? What's that? How far did you get in the ass? I think I was past knuckle number two, so it was a thorough job. Kyle is grabbing his wrist, indicating the fist. So I reached in and grabbed a piece of poop.

It turned out to be an appendix. Mistakes were made. No, it's because if you put a finger up a girl's ass, if you're just playing up to the first knuckle, usually you're in the clear. When you get to the second knuckle, that's when you start pulling out brown. i made sure to do that for myself put it in there delivered the pork bao taco and washed with a sickening or a sick smile on my face as she ate it the second

however though a shitting grin you might say oh that's all right. Exactly. But the sad thing was the rest of the meal. She was a dream. She was a delight. You piece of shit. Oh, my gosh. Of the entire ship. You got a little something in your teeth there, man. She's like, oh, I was so hungry.

I get a little hangry sometimes since I've been fighting off. I had this immune disorder. Just I've got to be real careful. since I've been fighting off. I have this immune disorder. I've got to be real careful. But I feel much better now. I left you a big tip, honey. Happy holidays to you. I'm going to visit my family.

Oh, one complaint, though, is I didn't know this taco had corn on it. Just the one piece. Just one smelly kernel. Kernel of corn. one smelling kernel of corn one stinky kernel of corn it was juicy though it popped in my mouth like a flavor explosion that is ruthless

stories like that scare me because I always want to pretend that that stuff doesn't happen and I've never been the victim of it I'm sure I have because apparently this is just willy nnilly like i'm always extra super nice to to waiters and waitresses because that is a fear of mine i like yeah i remember my mom she used to like be the ultimate special orderer where it'd be like i want this and we'd be like at some bullshit mexican place and she's like is this all white meat chicken and i'd be like at some bullshit Mexican place. And she's like, is this all white meat chicken? And I'd be like, it's clearly not. So obviously gizzards and organ meat.

Like it's not, come on. And like sometimes she would ask so many like questions or be like, I need to send this back. I'd be like, please don't, please don't say anything until they bring out my quesadilla. Please. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to get caught in the crossfire of your battle with the Chevy's white staff. Oh man. I remember at Chevy's of your battle with the Chevy's waitstaff. Oh, man. I remember at Chevy's. Do you guys have it?

Was Chevy's everywhere? Never heard of it. Yeah. Okay. It was this shitty kind of bullshit Tex-Mex place. And they had, in a lot of them, the tortilla maker machine. Yeah. And it looks, to a six-year-old, it looks like this cool steampunk engine.

And you're watching there. The little ball comes out. It gets smushed. It goes around a little circle, drops on the thing, goes over the crisping area and falls off, and you can walk over there. My mom and the waitresses always framed it like, you can go over there and ask the tortilla man

if he can give you a ball of raw dough. I always walk over there and I'm always like, man, I hope he's in a good mood. I felt like it was a big ask for some reason. It's a little kid, but like they always just be like, all right, here you go.

And I remember one time if I was like five or six, my brother was like four and I, I got him to eat the entire ball. Because I, there's a little bit of case still left in the center of the table. And I like took a little bit off and I was like, yes, see, yes. Just like, and I took a little bit of queso left in the center of the table, and I took a little bit off, and I was like, yeah, see? Yeah, it's just like, and I took a little dip and ate a tiny piece. I was like, yeah, try it.

Took a big piece off his, gave it a big old dunk, gave it back to him. He ate most of it. He didn't get sick or anything because it's just dough. It's just dough. It's funny. Yeah. Oh, good times at Chevy's. This is what big boys eat.

It's good. It has raw eggs in it's good it has danger right salmonella am i making this up from what eggs in the dough yeah salmonella uh but but that's that's overblown like like i've eaten so many raw eggs in my life like like dozens and dozens and dozens of raw eggs i used to always put raw eggs in like protein shakes and like i would just break them into a glass because i watched too much rocky and just drink like eight raw eggs at once like nothing happens i bet if you left them out on the countertop for eight hours and then ate them you get you get violently ill they'll say like don't eat cookie dough because oh it's got the eggs in there hasn't

been cooked yet if you were going to get salmonella i would have gotten it as a kid weekly yeah like from the amount of cookie yeah i feel like that's just mom's being bad you know don't eat cookie dough cookie dough could make you sick no look cookie dough is better than cookies why not have them now yeah i totally agree i would much rather have a big bowl of cookie dough because then well a cookie dough then it's like oh i'm just kind of nibbling no because then you can't do like the cookies and milk thing i don't need that i'll drink the milk separate i'll chase my mouth covered in cookie dough with milk cookies and milk might be the greatest snack it's a a solid contender. I don't know

if I would go so far as the greatest. Like homemade chocolate chip cookies that are still warm and a tall glass of cold milk. Homemade breast milk. Yeah. Warm, straight from the teat. Sweet. Just spray it directly on.

Gross. It's all hot.ie doesn't make homemade cookies i didn't know what the last part of that sentence was gonna be i was gonna say jackie doesn't make homemade milk she has but uh yeah she buys like a tube of cookie dough from the store and calls that making cookies and i'm just like that's not making cookies i'm I'm just like, that's not making cookies. I'm not here to insult Jackie's cooking. I thank you. And that's the end of that statement.

I knew there wasn't a butt coming. You remember that Christmas when I got you the mixer? Get to work, woman. You mean the paperweight in the corner? You're like a director. You're like, that George Foreman chicken, it was good. It was good.

I just want more out of it. More out of it. Ah, more flavors and seasoning, spice. I feel like you guys are, you've turned the George Foreman chicken into this flavorless plant. It's not. She seasons it. It's good.

I guess you don't like it on a grill. It just gets rid of too much. Well, I mean, I'm sure it's good it's just i guess you don't like it on a grill it just gets rid of too much well i mean well i'm sure it's fine the thing i don't like is when uh uh maybe i just have bad memories of the of the vegetable medleys from grade school but like when you say like you eat the mixed vegetables that's like the carrot pea corn thing right yeah pretty much i i i don't like that i do not what's better what's a better vegetable experience i like uh so you can like have broccoli and like put some garlic on there and roast it that tastes way better you can do the same thing with brussels sprouts and roast it broccoli

hard to eat you can saute asparagus well it's easier to eat when you saute it because you're actually cooking it it's not you know that flavorless mush that is steamed vegetables oh no but even even if you saute it all that it's just it's like you can't cut it with a fork right like you can't use the side of the fork really and cut it it's too strong and uh it's too large or too like it just it's i think broccoli is hard to eat unless you take a steak knife and really bite size it well yeah, you bite size it before you put it in the oven. So it's only like the flat side is laying down on the pan and then you're roasting it. Maybe I haven't had this like I thought I did.

I think I'm usually eating a bigger stalker. Yeah, you cut it at the top of the floret. Yeah, and the little florets things, like they get a little crisped. You get a nice little crisp effect on there. Maybe that's better. All right, you're kind of winning me over this might be something i like uh i like steamed vegetables nice it's just boring there's not much flavor to them like you if you if you dump a bunch of garlic just on a basic vegetable it's it's a million times better

yeah you just got a little garlic powder on and i saw the heck out of it i'm not i'm not shy with my salt i've stopped buttering entirely. There's no more butter in my diet. I like butter. Butter's good. But as far as like the pain-pleasure balance, butter's like a 30 or calories if you do it up like I had been. But now I've grown to appreciate the actual taste of vegetables with too much salt.

There's no such thing as too much salt. Good friend of mine taught me that. Yeah, I learned that from the same guy. As long as you don't have blood pressure issues. It's what I've always said. There is no such thing as too much salt as long as you don't have a blood pressure issue. And then your body has.

I don't have a blood pressure issue. I have a cholesterol issue. The whole reason we have blood is to replace salt water, right? We used to be fish. The salt regulated our temperature. It did circulation things. As we've evolved into land animals, now we need salt water, blood in our veins.

What the fuck are you talking about? Hey, you're a science denier. You're a science denier. So this is why we need salt. Is that why the fish don't sink? Yes, probably. They don't sink because they're swimming. What the fuck are we talking about right now?

Kyle, I'm backing you up on the salt thing. You just find an evolutionary link to why you need a lot of salt on your broccoli? Yeah. If I stop swimming, will they just start sinking immediately? Yeah. No.

Yeah. No, they float. Well, not immediately. start sinking immediately? Yeah. No. Yeah. No, they float. Not immediately. Kyle, let's go this way. If I throw a piece of dynamite under the water, what happens to the fish? Do they sink to the bottom? Well, that's different. Ah, because it explodes them up.

That's not what happens. They just float. Yeah, they do just float. So the way I think they actually maintain their kind of regularity is a lot of them have like bladders that they fill with some such shit that that elevates or like controls their not elevation but depth he's right i think that's i think that's marine mammals though that do that with because they're holding their breath i'm not saying it with i've Fish have pockets of air inside of them? Where do they get it?

The bladder part is true, and it's not just like a urine bladder. Yeah, they do that, and that's how they – I've had sick fish that swim upside down or stay near the surface, and it's because that part of them is fucked up. Yeah. Fair enough. The more you learn. Fish can turn water into air.

Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to see fish blood that's how they breathe probably they just turn the water into air they just need salt to make it all happen probably there's no way any of this is true i want to start a nature channel where it's like, ah, nature's mysteries. What is the cause of blood in the body? Well, we go all the way back to this little guy, and I hold up like a salt shaker. Salt is known to be lighter than water. I sprinkle it on the water immediately.

The salt is so distasteful. I drop the shaker in. The whole shaker. water i sprinkle it on the water immediately well not this this is actually heavy salt table salt responsible for more than you may know yeah you need uh you need your you get a lot of your iodine from salt you know if you don't drink cranberry juice is that where you get it cranberry juice that's another place you can get it other than iodized salt i bet everybody gets it from salt though not everybody drinks eats iodized salt if you're if you're eating kosher salt you're not getting any iodine there is a iodized kosher salt there is but most people don't buy that because it's a little more expensive and it's not as fancy looking.

Yeah, I read something. Not read. I saw a YouTube video where they said iodine was like essential to your body. Not being fat. This is a while ago. I'm like, honey, do we have the iodized salt? And we already did. So that wasn't it.

It was probably the problem. The problem is clearly not in the pantry it's gotta be somewhere else what could it be 1300 calories of trail mix in a bowl to go to sleep with if i wake up like in the middle of the night at like three in the morning to pee. Like now that I'm like eating better and losing weight, like I'm hungry as shit. It's like three in the morning and I just want to walk in the kitchen and like make something and just, or eat like three sandwiches. It fucking sucks.

Then trying to fall back asleep again, hungry. Melatonin is your friend. I don't know if you have it. Melatonin for probably everyone knows what it is, but it's a drug that helps you sleep, but it's in your body. It's produced naturally.

It is not dangerous. And the effect that it has on me, and on probably everyone, is about 20 minutes after you take it, you have a 20-minute window in which it is easy to fall asleep. If you're an idiot, like I sometimes am, and just power through that window

watching YouTube videos, then it ends. That's it. But it has no impact on you the next morning. It has no impact on you an hour or even 40 minutes later. And sometimes I'll be hungry and it's bedtime and I'm trying to choose sleep over snack. And the melatonin is the secret weapon there.

Sometimes I'll take melatonin. It doesn't hit me that hard, but there's this stuff called Z quill. It's like, it's basically just Benadryl, but it comes in a liquid and it like looks like a NyQuil container, except it doesn't have like acetaminophen or any of the, it even says on there like, do not use this for cold or flu. This is just to help you sleep. And like,

it's just you pour a little cup of that. That's pretty good stuff. It makes me exhausted. I take this. This is one of Derek's products. It's called Gorilla Dream. Not only does it help with getting to sleep. Is it a proprietary weed strain, bro?

Sold out. Gorilla Dream. I think it's on Amazon. Maybe you can get it there think it's on amazon maybe maybe get it there um but uh it's supposed to give you more vivid dreams so what i do is i i leave my television on and i turn the volume down to like four or five just so i can barely hear it and then i i play a whole playlist of this like uh pbs documentary shit about dinosaurs in space and then i take four of those and i go to sleep and i have the most fucked up vivid dreams ever the other night i literally dreamt the whole season of walking with dinosaurs

like i dreamt about stegosauruses and fucking allosauruses and all sorts of shit. It was great. What are you going to dream about after dinosaurs? We're going back to space, which is a little terrifying because I'm learning about black holes and stuff and the infiniteness of the galaxy.

Oh, yeah, a little world war. Ah, the Napoleon Wars. The Civil War. A very easy war to fight in. Oh, no, I've been... i tripped and skinned my knee to the fucking lopping tray not typhoid again get the bone saw so i don't see it on amazon well that's a shame i got a bottle of it derrick's stuff is always the one you actually want, right? It's like, oh yeah, we didn't go cheap with the ingredients. We didn't try to improve our margins or anything.

This is the best one. No proprietary blend. Yeah, he tells you what's in it. And it's always like this no compromise. This is what I think the best product can be. But you can't have it because it's sold out. Yeah, he's often sold out products you do like like uh when he was selling that terkester on a few a few months ago maybe a

month and a half two months ago he was like look this isn't a marketing pitch this stuff's gonna be sold out fast if you want it buy it now and don't just get one bottle all right it's gonna be gone and i was like huh i'll check in a couple days and see what happened look at it right now it's sold the fuck out it's all gone most of his like most of his stuff is sold out it's like if you go to his website you can't have it you just it's a tease yeah a lot of stuff sold out yeah he's got a rabid fan base over there that that's it yeah he was make he was selling one thing i think it was it a there's gorilla mine smooth and then gorilla mine like the opposite it it's like a nootropics thing with stims in it i haven't had it but i guess it had something in it that amazon

felt like shouldn't be in their stuff. Like you're a bad vendor if you have this in it. So he's like, this is it. We're doing one more batch. One more batch. It's not on Amazon. He's like, there are people who will buy 100 bottles of this. I'm not exaggerating.

So we're going to sell it one time. If you want it, get it. And then it'll never be sold again. And I'm like, that's what his fan base is like. There are people who say this is the best you can get i'm buying a lifetime supply and that's that but yeah i've got a bottle of that shit do you have yeah what's your experience with it uh i honestly i don't take it so i don't know like i was just sitting like i'm taking so many fucking pills already with my load stack and everything that like, I mean, I literally have like this double handful of pills and I've gotten so good at taking them now that I grab like, I grab them like I'm grabbing handfuls of popcorn and like gulp them down. And I'm like, I guess I've like gotten rid of most of my gag reflex at this point because I can feel the pills like going down. So I just get another swig of water.

I'm going to appreciate that at the meetup. You will. I've started taking a caffeine pill just really recently. I've had like two or three in my life. That's exactly the bottle I have. It's about two and a half cups of coffee. And my gosh, my whole day is better. It lasts a long time.

The half-life is like five hours. So take it before lunch. Don't go taking an afternoon caffeine pill yeah and um you know i'm just i feel like i'm in a better mood more effective workout i'm more uh i'll show it off but my question is so i'm so new to this what do i have a tolerance should i use every rest day as a no caffeine day will that be enough to make sure i don't need to like well because you can get withdrawal symptoms headaches and stuff yeah i don't drink i don't drink a lot of caffeine on off days and like i i never took the caffeine pills

consistently enough to build up a tolerance i think i did it for like two weeks like nine months ago and then i just started again like three weeks ago and i'm like a couple weeks in like i'm still I just started again like three weeks ago and I'm like a couple weeks in like I'm still getting that good feeling that buzz of like damn I'm feeling like rip roaring to go yeah like I had leg day today and then after like two hours later I'm like Colin let's go skateboarding and that that's a caffeine pill side effect that doesn't happen you know normal me and it's speeding up your metabolism at least a tiny bit right yes i've read that it's your your heart rate's higher that's the whole reason to take it before cardio and stuff then maybe i'll start taking them every day every hour every hour one pill helps you lose

a little weight a hundred pills that is how i die kyle time do you go to bed, dude? You just took a caffeine pill. 11 a.m.? Something like that. You're fucking with me. He's not. No, his sleep cycle is on a constant work around the clock. In about a month, he'll be waking up at... No, it is.

Just two weeks ago, Kyle, you were like, I'm on the bright and early. I'm up at 8. Am I right about that? It moves around. It moves around to whatever I need it to be. But yeah, I woke up tonight. Have you not been solid night shift for like four months now?

Or is Taylor right? I've been playing Rust on the night shift for a while now. Maybe about a month solid of night shift. So I wake up about an hour before we have to do a show. And then I stay up for about 16 hours. Yeah. Which means 6 PM. So then I stay up for about another 16, 17 hours.

So around 11 AM, I'll, uh, turn on the old PBS documentary and take my gorilla sleep or gorilla dream and, and, uh, head on off to sleep. Yeah. I just sleep all the way through the day i some sometimes it's a week i don't see the sun it's glorious it sounds kind of pleasant i i think for me it would breed depression eventually but the way you're like you know what i spend all night playing video games with friends and then i have my gorilla dream and i dream of animals and spaceships and who knows what the fuck else and and then you repeat

that's life what's your life like i can't smoke pot so i will jerry rig a drug-like experience yeah yeah absolutely yeah um i'm getting a little burnt burnout on the rust i think maybe i might i might take this next week off. Cause we've been playing for like four wipes straight and like, just going so fucking hard in the paint. Like age of mythology. I'm not doing that. That's far too time consuming.

I might play some a total war, war hammer, some RTS or something like that. Haven't played that in a bit. You play that. I'll jump in with you. Ooh, I haven't played since the last time we played together. So it's been years. Yeah. I'll, I watch a lot of Play that. I'll jump in with you. Ooh, I haven't played since the last time we played together.

So it's been years. Yeah. I'll, I watch a lot of that content. I'm, I watched Turin Turin's been putting on these tournaments on YouTube. So I watch like, I don't know,

two or probably watch two hours of that a day, at least of total war, Warhammer two content. But yeah, I've been going real hard. Uh, the, uh,

the sleep schedule is completely reversed it's uh 6 p.m it's stable right am i wrong about that right now it's stable because of rust yeah it's it's been it's been real state it sounds like yeah it's right then because i thought you were stable night shift for like seven months now yeah pretty much like like like but it would fluctuate a little bit um but i'm always up at like midnight to 4 a.m. Like whether that's the, whether that's when I'm like. That's the core of your day. Yeah.

Like, like whether that is like early for me or late for me is what changes. But I'm always up like through the middle of the night. Like, like the only difference is like, is it shifted six hours forward or backwards? So that like, oh, we woke up at 11 p.m. night like the only difference is like is it shifted six hours forward or backwards so that like oh we woke up at 11 p.m so like you know three in the morning is just the beginning of the day it's like noon for me or is it like oh we woke up at 3 p.m today so 3 a.m is like 9 p.m you know evening time for me you know that's what would really change but i'm always up from like one two three in the

morning like no matter what i'm you wouldn't want to miss 3 a.m that would be silly 3 a.m is a big part of my day you know it's got i got you know it's when when nobody's out and about it's great i've been trying to stay away like i like going out but i don't like potentially getting covid so yeah i have some friends that seem to like laugh at people who are COVID scared you know and like they were telling a story and they're like yeah this guy his job required him to go in a hospital and to him it was like 28 days later in there you know he wanted to get in he wanted to get out he was concerned he felt like he was at covid risk and i'm thinking yeah he's not crazy right like it's a hospital it's filled with covid patients yeah of course like i have to go to a

hospital about once every one to two months because i pick up kitty's prescriptions for her she's got a bunch and i've explained it before but like you have to go to this one hospital and they have a pharmacy downstairs that that does it that covers through all of her health insurance nonsense and i dread it every fucking time i go in there with my mask on and i'm just like a fucking surgeon walking in there like get away from me say keep your fucking distance like i just i just want the drugs hospitals are full of disease that's where the sick people go that's where the sick people go this is checking out this makes sense yeah you're like you're like grossed out by a guy with like a got in a motorcycle accident you're like oh you're gonna tase it away look what it's what the covid did to that guy half his face is gone oh my god the covid rug burn what street

burn whatever it's called road Yeah road meet crayon am I Right to say that your passion For motorcycles is kind of waned like it I just I'm just kind of Putting everything off because it's because I'm so close To freedom that like I don't want To like get held down by making a major Person of purchase of something like a

Motorcycle or a car right now Because I feel like I could get like the call tomorrow They're like ah you're free to go And it's just like all right gotta figure out a moving situation and someone to do it because I'm heading to the airport like like I just want to like go immediately and get and leave and I don't want to be tied down by any real material possessions I've got things here that I I'm not leaving behind like like I my bed. I like my dressers. I like my living room furniture and all my kitchen gadgets

and I've got a couple of really big TVs and all my gaming shit and my whole setup here and all this. My wardrobe, but that's about all I'm taking. And then that all needs to be packed up, U-Hauled across the country. I've been making plans every evening. I put some into like what that move is going to be like and how to

facilitate it efficiently and quickly and uh and cheaply all at the same time like like i really hope i can get somebody like jeremy to like drive a u-haul with everything i own in it across the country while i immediately like fly there, get an Airbnb while I start looking for houses and figure. And, and if I can't find a house to purchase fast enough, I'm just going to rent a house. Even if it's for like six months while I like make a, a, a non-rushed purchasing decision of a house, like, like I'm going as soon as possible. There's no way I'm staying in georgia while i

research houses that are in colorado for months at a time and then going through what's that process um closing yeah going through you know a potential like 30-day closing or something like that no i want to be high as soon as it's fucking possible and i want to stay high forever yeah just a few months from now you'll be like can you believe that i used to and I want to stay high forever. Yeah, just a few months from now, you'll be like, can you believe that I used to put on PBS and take sleep pills to try and get high? No, because when I'm high,

first of all, I have no dreams when I'm high and I sleep so well. Every night, it's eight hours of the most restful sleep ever. I wake up and I'm just like, don't even yawn. You're so rested. You're just like, all right, the day begins.

Like, got to get high again. Let's get to it. I've woken up not high. Time to get high. Luckily, I took an edible before I fell asleep. So I'm still a little high from that, but not high enough. Your tolerance is going to go from zero to so high so quickly i'm gonna enjoy that ride you're gonna be like i gotta take a tea break already i'm not high from anything

so yeah i i haven't lost enthusiasm for the motorcycle or a new car those are things i still look at uh pretty frequently uh i do i'm gonna get the shadow 60 i think i think i think that's what i was set on is it jag no no that's the motorcycle it's it it may not be the shit it's the uh yeah the indian uh the the 60 the the five speed not the six speed uh i like that one it's like 1100 cc motorcycle but whatever fuck it i don't care it's the one that looks cool and sounds good and i've seen a lot of like people say it's a decent beginner's bike i'm just not gonna twist the fucking accelerator to the point where i murder myself like i think i can handle that i'm not i'm not gonna be one of those people that's like interested even in going like super fast or even accelerating

super fast just i'm gonna ride that thing from like zero to 50 miles per hour on streets and stuff and just cruise around that's my that's my use case in the car i'm pretty interested in the jaguar f-type uh like a 2017 2018 s i think so too i don't give a fuck what anybody says about maintenance or any of that nonsense i'll just pay to maintain it. Like, like, okay. Um, also interested in the, maybe getting, just getting like a Corvette and like a beater truck to handle my four by four needs instead of, uh,

the one car that does both either way. Corvette and a Jag. No, no, no, no, no Corvette and a beater truck. That's it.

So the, the reason I like the Jaguar so much is it's, it's an all wheel drive sports car that looks nice. And that's an alternative idea. Pair of cars. cars yeah the alternative idea would be a pair of cars one being like a 45 50 000 corvette and the other being like a two thousand dollar four by four truck to like get me to the gas uh gas station or the grocery store or 70 something dodge power wagon yeah or like an international or something like like something something kind of crazy and ridiculous like no wagon year or an old dodd uh ford bronco dashboard yeah metal dashboard like just don't give a fuck as long as it's got a heater and a seat belt like just don't

care four by four truck um but yeah i'm still like interested in those things passionate about those things it's just that like i feel like I might be on the cusp of something happening. Do you have any evidence? No. Oh, yeah. Dude, this might be good because my gut feelings have been 100% wrong all the way. There were times pre-trial when this was hanging over your head as a big stress point. I'm like, are they still mad at you about that?

I figured they'd have let it go by now. Turns out they hadn't let it go now i'm like no kyle there you're gonna serve the whole two years i might but i've been wrong about everything so it's a good sign broken clock you know right twice a day and all that nonsense but still yeah um the covet thing i've said it before but you know the covet thing has the court system so jammed up and they're not reviewing cases right now. Otherwise, I would be able to get my case in for review and be able to say, hey, I've done, what is it now? It's almost February. I've done 16 months of 24 months you know of my probation i haven't had a single infraction i've passed every drug test i did my fucking paid my fines did my

fucking post sentencing uh and pre-sentencing the therapy classes I did my drug class in prison. Can I go now? What the fine? Was it substantial? Five grand, something like that in between, right? Like not life altering, but not,

apparently it was very odd for me to just pay it all in one lump sum and get it over with. Cause like, I like, as soon as I got the bill for the fine, I like sent him a check for $5,000. And, uh, and so my probation officer was like, yeah, and you're going to want to get your fines paid, you know, like sometime in the next two years for sure. And I'm like, I paid that before I went into prison. He's like, all of it. I'm like, yeah, I, I am in, I was in possession of $5,000. So, you know, you know, I'm made for distribution. You think I can't afford the phone?

I might have beaten that distribution charge, but let's just say I've got $5,000 laying around. That's not a good joke to make. That's a joke. I made the joke. He's got $50,000 in drug money laying around. Stop!

I have no drug money. i've never sold a paid worth of weed look no they were buying the box it came in all right the desert sold the drugs like i always say i fully admit to buying all the weed i could ever find but to sell it ah that's like that doesn't even compute in my mind. I love weed so much. There's no way that you have enough money to buy my weed. It's like offering to buy someone's children from them.

We got a million billion dollars? Well, I would never pay that for a child. I could get a Chinese baby for $50,000. Exactly. Market value of my weed doesn't even approach the value that I place on my weed. So why would I ever sell any weed? I've never had so much weed that I had enough to sell anyway. I've never possessed an ounce.

I don't know what an ounce of weed looks like. I've never had more than half an ounce because I thought I was teetering on some sort of legal scary level by staying under half an ounce. When I got busted, it was 14 grams, I think. An ounce is 28 grams. And they claim they found some crumbs on some jackets back at my house. But look, I don't think they're lying about that. I'm sure they found something at my house, like some crumbs is,

but if I'd known I had those crumbs is I'd have smoked those motherfuckers up. Cause I thought I was fresh out. Like, like there's no way I would have been picking up another bag of weed. If I knew there were some crumbs back at home, you don't think I'll smoke the crumbs. I'll, I'll make tea out of the stems.

Even if it just makes me feel, it's just a little okay for a while. I used to, I used to like clean my bong and get that black goo out of the bottle. Oh, you were smoking res. It's, it's like tar,

the consistency, like, like it's sticky. And like, if I was, it starts bubbling, I would be completely out of weed though. And, and, and so like if i was and it starts bubbling i would be completely out of weed though and uh and and so like it's not crazy to smoke tar you have to understand i was running low i was out

and and so like i would like take my like water pipe that had the accumulated goo in it and i would pour water in and then i would shake it really hard upside down onto like a plate and then like just like an old gold miner i would like rotate the plate so the water spilled over and if i did it just right the goo would stick to the edge of the plate what is that process called um panning panning i'm in the bathroom panning for goo that's not a very good turnout. This is barely enough to get high. So you've got like, like, like, shake it all out into this plate and then pan for goo. And after a while, you've got like a plate that's mostly dry,

but has like black goo all over the rim of it. And I'd be like, baby, it's time to smoke some goo. And she's like, not the goo. And I'm like, that's all we got, baby. We got to smoke some goo and she's like not the goo and i'm like that's all we got baby we gotta smoke the goo and i take a i take a razor blade and i do i do like semi-circles pressing really hard to like get all the goo and then like flick the water off the goo and then get it in the bowl again and then re-smoke that goo and First of all, it's incredibly harsh. I'll admit. I would cough

and it tasted awful. But it gets you so fucking high. Because it's marijuana concentrate, concentrate. It's concentrated concentrate because it's the remainder of smoking concentrate.

It's been condensed down even more. In college, I remember using that flour, the goo that would be in the flour if you were just totally out trying to use that. I want that story to be our first PKA animation story. We should end with that

line that I just said. You guys want to call it a show? I'm starving. I'm not. So Danny Mullen, next time we work on the audio things, we missed a lot of the funny stuff you say. Where can everybody find your stuff

and your antics? Just Danny Mullen on all platforms. Yeah, sorry. Next time I'll take a caffeine pill i'll have one of my guys come over and make sure the mic works too i'm a fucking dummy and uh yeah dude i'll smoke some goo no but i uh i miss doing this guys i'll come back on soon with a with a functioning mic and uh maybe a cup of coffee yeah i miss doing this with you guys. Let's do it again soon. Yeah. Always. All right. Any outros?

Nope. We are good. PKA five 27.